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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/9909-8.txt b/9909-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6fcc75 --- /dev/null +++ b/9909-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4119 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Posting Date: November 19, 2011 [EBook #9909] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: October 30, 2003 +Last Updated: July 17, 2010 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poëtes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estimé. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consolate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiæ of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tête-à-tête_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outré_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _très +posément_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _à priori, à posteriori, à fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de révérendissime père Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau idéal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_ is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sat with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioè_, the _c'est à dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My dear sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _à fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protégée_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminée_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Hear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visûs_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hôte_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain in the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phænomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiæ_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimôn], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hôte_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Générales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +***** This file should be named 9909-8.txt or 9909-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/0/9909/ + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/9909-8.zip b/9909-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..112112a --- /dev/null +++ b/9909-8.zip diff --git a/9909.txt b/9909.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2fc8ad6 --- /dev/null +++ b/9909.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4119 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Posting Date: November 19, 2011 [EBook #9909] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: October 30, 2003 +Last Updated: July 17, 2010 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poetes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estime. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consolate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiae of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tete-a-tete_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outre_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _tres +posement_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _a priori, a posteriori, a fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de reverendissime pere Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau ideal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_ is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sat with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioe_, the _c'est a dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My dear sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _a fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protegee_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminee_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Hear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visus_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hote_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain in the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phaenomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiae_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimon], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hote_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Generales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +***** This file should be named 9909.txt or 9909.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/0/9909/ + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9909] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 30, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poetes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estime. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consulate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry, +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiae of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tete-a-tete_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outre_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _tres +posement_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _a priori, a posteriori, a fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de reverendissime pere Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau ideal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_, is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sate with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioe_, the _c'est a dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My deal sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _a fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protegee_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminee_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Pear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visus_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hote_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain hi the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phaenomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiae_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimon], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hote_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Generales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +This file should be named 7nmab10.txt or 7nmab10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 7nmab11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 7nmab10a.txt + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9909] +[This file last updated on July 17, 2010] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 30, 2003] + +Edition: 11 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poetes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estime. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consolate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry, +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiae of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tete-a-tete_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outre_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _tres +posement_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _a priori, a posteriori, a fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de reverendissime pere Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau ideal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_, is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sate with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioe_, the _c'est a dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My deal sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _a fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protegee_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminee_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Pear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visus_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hote_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain hi the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phaenomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiae_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimon], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hote_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Generales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +This file should be named 7nmab11.txt or 7nmab11.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 7nmab12.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 7nmab11a.txt + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9909] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 30, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poëtes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estimé. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consulate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry, +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiæ of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tête-à-tête_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outré_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _très +posément_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _à priori, à posteriori, à fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de révérendissime père Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau idéal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_, is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sate with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioè_, the _c'est à dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My deal sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _à fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protégée_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminée_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Pear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visûs_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hôte_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain hi the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phænomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiæ_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimôn], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hôte_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Générales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +This file should be named 8nmab10.txt or 8nmab10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8nmab11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8nmab10a.txt + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Nightmare Abbey + +Author: Thomas Love Peacock + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9909] +[This file last updated on July 17, 2010] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 30, 2003] + +Edition: 11 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + +By + +_Thomas Love Peacock_ + + + +CONTENTS + + NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + NOTES TO _Nightmare Abbey_ + + + + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY: + +BY + +THE AUTHOR OF HEADLONG HALL. + + * * * * * + + There's a dark lantern of the spirit, + Which none see by but those who bear it, + That makes them in the dark see visions + And hag themselves with apparitions, + Find racks for their own minds, and vaunt + Of their own misery and want. + BUTLER. + + * * * * * + +LONDON: + +1818. + + +MATTHEW. Oh! it's your only fine humour, sir. Your true melancholy +breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself, divers +times, sir; and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently, +and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting. + +STEPHEN. Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure. + +MATTHEW. Why, I pray you, sir, make use of my study: it's at your +service. + +STEPHEN. I thank you, sir, I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a +stool there, to be melancholy upon? + +BEN JONSON, _Every Man in his Humour_, Act 3, Sc. I + + Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye, comme dit le commun + proverbe, entre les cygnes, plutoust que d'estre entre + tant de gentils poëtes et faconds orateurs mut du tout + estimé. + + RABELAIS, _Prol. L_. 5 + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +Nightmare Abbey, a venerable family-mansion, in a highly picturesque +state of semi-dilapidation, pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land +between the sea and the fens, at the verge of the county of Lincoln, +had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry, Esquire. This +gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament, and much +troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called +_blue devils_. He had been deceived in an early friendship: he had +been crossed in love; and had offered his hand, from pique, to a lady, +who accepted it from interest, and who, in so doing, violently tore +asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment. Her vanity was +gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive, if not very +lively, establishment; but all the springs of her sympathies were +frozen. Riches she possessed, but that which enriches them, the +participation of affection, was wanting. All that they could purchase +for her became indifferent to her, because that which they could not +purchase, and which was more valuable than themselves, she had, for +their sake, thrown away. She discovered, when it was too late, that +she had mistaken the means for the end--that riches, rightly used, are +instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness. In this +wilful blight of her affections, she found them valueless as means: +they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections, +and were now the only end that remained to her. She did not confess +this to herself as a principle of action, but it operated through the +medium of unconscious self-deception, and terminated in inveterate +avarice. She laid on external things the blame of her mind's internal +disorder, and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold. She often +went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments, every +creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe, much more +at the sound of her voice, to which the nature of things affords no +simile; for, as far as the voice of woman, when attuned by gentleness +and love, transcends all other sounds in harmony, so far does +it surpass all others in discord, when stretched into unnatural +shrillness by anger and impatience. + +Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious +kennel, for every one in it led the life of a dog. Disappointed both +in love and in friendship, and looking upon human learning as vanity, +he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the +world, _videlicet_, a good dinner; and this his parsimonious lady +seldom suffered him to enjoy: but, one morning, like Sir Leoline in +Christabel, 'he woke and found his lady dead,' and remained a very +consolate widower, with one small child. + +This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop, from the +name of a maternal ancestor, who had hanged himself one rainy day in a +fit of _toedium vitae_, and had been eulogised by a coroner's jury in +the comprehensive phrase of _felo de se_; on which account, Mr Glowry +held his memory in high honour, and made a punchbowl of his skull. + +When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, +where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence +to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was +sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head: +having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the +master and fellows of his college, who had, in testimony of their +approbation, presented him with a silver fish-slice, on which his name +figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semi-barbarous +dialect of Anglo-Saxonised Latin. + +His fellow-students, however, who drove tandem and random in great +perfection, and were connoisseurs in good inns, had taught him to +drink deep ere he departed. He had passed much of his time with these +choice spirits, and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble +on many a lengthening file of empty bottles. He passed his vacations +sometimes at Nightmare Abbey, sometimes in London, at the house of +his uncle, Mr Hilary, a very cheerful and elastic gentleman, who had +married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry. The company that +frequented his house was the gayest of the gay. Scythrop danced with +the ladies and drank with the gentlemen, and was pronounced by both a +very accomplished charming fellow, and an honour to the university. + +At the house of Mr Hilary, Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily +Girouette. He fell in love; which is nothing new. He was favourably +received; which is nothing strange. Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had +a meeting on the occasion, and quarrelled about the terms of the +bargain; which is neither new nor strange. The lovers were torn +asunder, weeping and vowing everlasting constancy; and, in three weeks +after this tragical event, the lady was led a smiling bride to the +altar, by the Honourable Mr Lackwit; which is neither strange nor new. + +Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey, and was half +distracted on the occasion. It was his first disappointment, and +preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit. His father, to comfort him, +read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes, which he had himself composed, +and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity. He +insisted particularly on the text, 'One man among a thousand have I +found, but a woman amongst all those have I not found.' + +'How could he expect it,' said Scythrop, 'when the whole thousand were +locked up in his seraglio? His experience is no precedent for a free +state of society like that in which we live.' + +'Locked up or at large,' said Mr Glowry, 'the result is the same: +their minds are always locked up, and vanity and interest keep the +key. I speak feelingly, Scythrop.' + +'I am sorry for it, sir,' said Scythrop. 'But how is it that their +minds are locked up? The fault is in their artificial education, which +studiously models them into mere musical dolls, to be set out for sale +in the great toy-shop of society.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Glowry, 'their education is not so well finished +as yours has been; and your idea of a musical doll is good. I bought +one myself, but it was confoundedly out of tune; but, whatever be the +cause, Scythrop, the effect is certainly this, that one is pretty +nearly as good as another, as far as any judgment can be formed of +them before marriage. It is only after marriage that they show +their true qualities, as I know by bitter experience. Marriage is, +therefore, a lottery, and the less choice and selection a man bestows +on his ticket the better; for, if he has incurred considerable pains +and expense to obtain a lucky number, and his lucky number proves a +blank, he experiences not a simple, but a complicated disappointment; +the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of +drawing a blank, which, constituting simply and entirely the grievance +of him who has chosen his ticket at random, is, from its simplicity, +the more endurable.' This very excellent reasoning was thrown away +upon Scythrop, who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as +before. + +The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the south-eastern angle of +the Abbey; and, on the southern side, the foot of the tower opened on +a terrace, which was called the garden, though nothing grew on it but +ivy, and a few amphibious weeds. The south-western tower, which was +ruinous and full of owls, might, with equal propriety, have been +called the aviary. This terrace or garden, or terrace-garden, or +garden-terrace (the reader may name it _ad libitum_), took in an +oblique view of the open sea, and fronted a long tract of level +sea-coast, and a fine monotony of fens and windmills. + +The reader will judge, from what we have said, that this building was +a sort of castellated abbey; and it will, probably, occur to him to +inquire if it had been one of the strong-holds of the ancient church +militant. Whether this was the case, or how far it had been indebted +to the taste of Mr Glowry's ancestors for any transmutations from its +original state, are, unfortunately, circumstances not within the pale +of our knowledge. + +The north-western tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry. The +moat at its base, and the fens beyond, comprised the whole of his +prospect. This moat surrounded the Abbey, and was in immediate contact +with the walls on every side but the south. + +The north-eastern tower was appropriated to the domestics, whom Mr +Glowry always chose by one of two criterions,--a long face, or a +dismal name. His butler was Raven; his steward was Crow; his valet was +Skellet. Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction, +and that his name was Squelette. His grooms were Mattocks and Graves. +On one occasion, being in want of a footman, he received a letter +from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead, and lost no time in +securing this acquisition; but on Diggory's arrival, Mr Glowry was +horror-struck by the sight of a round ruddy face, and a pair of +laughing eyes. Deathshead was always grinning,--not a ghastly smile, +but the grin of a comic mask; and disturbed the echoes of the hall +with so much unhallowed laughter, that Mr Glowry gave him his +discharge. Diggory, however, had staid long enough to make conquests +of all the old gentleman's maids, and left him a flourishing colony of +young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls, that had before been +the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey. + +The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state, +spacious apartments for feasting, and numerous bed-rooms for visitors, +who, however, were few and far between. + +Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from +Mr and Mrs Hilary, who paid them from the same motive; and, as the +lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his +exuberant gaiety, he became like a double-charged electric jar, which +often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal +discomposure of Mr Glowry's nerves. + +Another occasional visitor, much more to Mr Glowry's taste, was Mr +Flosky,[1] a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman, of some note in +the literary world, but in his own estimation of much more merit than +name. The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry, +was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful. No one could +relate a dismal story with so many minutiæ of supererogatory +wretchedness. No one could call up a _raw-head and bloody-bones_ with +so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness. Mystery was his +mental element. He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which +nothing is but what is not. He dreamed with his eyes open, and saw +ghosts dancing round him at noontide. He had been in his youth +an enthusiast for liberty, and had hailed the dawn of the French +Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery, +and every form of vice and misery, from the face of the earth. Because +all this was not done, he deduced that nothing was done; and from this +deduction, according to his system of logic, he drew a conclusion +that worse than nothing was done; that the overthrow of the feudal +fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that +had ever befallen mankind; and that their only hope now was to rake +the rubbish together, and rebuild it without any of those loopholes +by which the light had originally crept in. To qualify himself for a +coadjutor in this laudable task, he plunged into the central +opacity of Kantian metaphysics, and lay _perdu_ several years in +transcendental darkness, till the common daylight of common sense +became intolerable to his eyes. He called the sun an _ignis fatuus_; +and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice, which were +about as many as called 'God save King Richard,' to shelter themselves +from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy. +This word Old had great charms for him. The good old times were always +on his lips; meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime, +and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour, +till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox +conclusion of roasting the other. + +But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry, and his most welcome guest, +was Mr Toobad, the Manichaean Millenarian. The twelfth verse of the +twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth: 'Woe to the +inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come among +you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short +time.' He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was, for +wise purposes, given over for a while to the Evil Principle; and that +this precise period of time, commonly called the enlightened age, was +the point of his plenitude of power. He used to add that by and by he +would be cast down, and a high and happy order of things succeed; but +he never omitted the saving clause, 'Not in our time'; which last +words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr +Glowry. + +Another and very frequent visitor, was the Reverend Mr Larynx, the +vicar of Claydyke, a village about ten miles distant;--a good-natured +accommodating divine, who was always most obligingly ready to take a +dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress +for a companion. Nothing came amiss to him,--a game at billiards, at +chess, at draughts, at backgammon, at piquet, or at all-fours in +a _tête-à-tête_,--or any game on the cards, round, square, or +triangular, in a party of any number exceeding two. He would even +dance among friends, rather than that a lady, even if she were on the +wrong side of thirty, should sit still for want of a partner. For a +ride, a walk, or a sail, in the morning,--a song after dinner, a ghost +story after supper,--a bottle of port with the squire, or a cup of +green tea with his lady,--for all or any of these, or for any thing +else that was agreeable to any one else, consistently with the dye of +his coat, the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready. When +at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry,--drink Madeira +with Scythrop,--crack jokes with Mr Hilary,--hand Mrs Hilary to the +piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with +surprising dexterity,--quote Revelations with Mr Toobad,--and lament +the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr +Flosky. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrop's passion for +Miss Emily Girouette, Mr Glowry found himself, much against his will, +involved in a lawsuit, which compelled him to dance attendance on the +High Court of Chancery. Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey. He +was a burnt child, and dreaded the fire of female eyes. He wandered +about the ample pile, or along the garden-terrace, with 'his +cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation.' The +terrace terminated at the south-western tower, which, as we have said, +was ruinous and full of owls. Here would Scythrop take his evening +seat, on a fallen fragment of mossy stone, with his back resting +against the ruined wall,--a thick canopy of ivy, with an owl in it, +over his head,--and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand. He had some +taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we +must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of +reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if +disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring +on a relapse. He began to devour romances and German tragedies, and, +by the recommendation of Mr Flosky, to pore over ponderous tomes of +transcendental philosophy, which reconciled him to the labour of +studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery. In +the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey, the distempered ideas of +metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space +to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras, which rapidly shot up +into vigorous and abundant vegetation. + +He now became troubled with the _passion for reforming the world_.[2] +He built many castles in the air, and peopled them with secret +tribunals, and bands of illuminati, who were always the imaginary +instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species. As he +intended to institute a perfect republic, he invested himself with +absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty. He +slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow, and dreamed of venerable +eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in +subterranean caves. He passed whole mornings in his study, immersed +in gloomy reverie, stalking about the room in his nightcap, which +he pulled over his eyes like a cowl, and folding his striped calico +dressing-gown about him like the mantle of a conspirator. + +'Action,' thus he soliloquised, 'is the result of opinion, and to +new-model opinion would be to new-model society. Knowledge is power; +it is in the hands of a few, who employ it to mislead the many, for +their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation. What +if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the +many? What if it were universal, and the multitude were enlightened? +No. The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise +and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the +only basis of perfect society. So thought the ancient philosophers: +they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines. So thinks the +sublime Kant, who delivers his oracles in language which none but +the initiated can comprehend. Such were the views of those secret +associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and +tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the +great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers +of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, +which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded +opinion, and regenerated the world.' + +Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a +confederation of regenerators. To get a clear view of his own ideas, +and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age, he wrote +and published a treatise, in which his meanings were carefully wrapt +up in the monk's hood of transcendental technology, but filled with +hints of matter deep and dangerous, which he thought would set +the whole nation in a ferment; and he awaited the result in awful +expectation, as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of +a rock. However, he listened and heard nothing; for the explosion, if +any ensued, was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the +ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey; and some months afterwards he +received a letter from his bookseller, informing him that only seven +copies had been sold, and concluding with a polite request for the +balance. + +Scythrop did not despair. 'Seven copies,' he thought, 'have been sold. +Seven is a mystical number, and the omen is good. Let me find the +seven purchasers of my seven copies, and they shall be the seven +golden candle-sticks with which I will illuminate the world.' + +Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius, which his +romantic projects tended to develope. He constructed models of cells +and recesses, sliding panels and secret passages, that would have +baffled the skill of the Parisian police. He took the opportunity of +his father's absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey, and +between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrop's +tower. Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration +would be involved in fearful dilemmas, and determined, for the benefit +of mankind in general, to adopt all possible precautions for the +preservation of himself. + +The servants, even the women, had been tutored into silence. Profound +stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey, except when the +occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations +through the galleries, or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would +wake the hollow echoes of the hall. Scythrop stalked about like the +grand inquisitor, and the servants flitted past him like familiars. In +his evening meditations on the terrace, under the ivy of the ruined +tower, the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the +wind in the ivy, the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers, the +owls, the occasional striking of the Abbey clock, and the monotonous +dash of the sea on its low and level shore. In the mean time, he drank +Madeira, and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy +fabric of human nature. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit. Justice +was with him, but the law was against him. He found Scythrop in a +mood most sympathetically tragic; and they vied with each other in +enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate +age, and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves, +worms, and epitaphs. Mr Glowry's friends, whom we have mentioned in +the first chapter, availed themselves of his return to pay him a +simultaneous visit. At the same time arrived Scythrop's friend and +fellow-collegian, the Honourable Mr Listless. Mr Glowry had discovered +this fashionable young gentleman in London, 'stretched on the rack of +a too easy chair,' and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical _nil +curo_, and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the +pure country air, at Nightmare Abbey, that Mr Listless, finding it +would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply, summoned his +French valet, Fatout, and told him he was going to Lincolnshire. On +this simple hint, Fatout went to work, and the imperials were packed, +and the post-chariot was at the door, without the Honourable Mr +Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject. + +Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece, a daughter of Mr +Glowry's youngest sister, who had made a runaway love-match with an +Irish officer. The lady's fortune disappeared in the first year: love, +by a natural consequence, disappeared in the second: the Irishman +himself, by a still more natural consequence, disappeared in the +third. Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity, and she had lived +in retirement with her only daughter, whom, at her death, which had +recently happened, she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary. + +Miss Marionetta Celestina O'Carroll was a very blooming and +accomplished young lady. Being a compound of the _Allegro Vivace_ of +the O'Carrolls, and of the _Andante Doloroso_ of the Glowries, she +exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky. +Her hair was light-brown; her eyes hazel, and sparkling with a mild +but fluctuating light; her features regular; her lips full, and of +equal size; and her person surpassingly graceful. She was a proficient +in music. Her conversation was sprightly, but always on subjects light +in their nature and limited in their interest: for moral sympathies, +in any general sense, had no place in her mind. She had some coquetry, +and more caprice, liking and disliking almost in the same moment; +pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable, and +rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession. + +Whether she was touched with a _penchant_ for her cousin Scythrop, or +was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on +so _outré_ a person, she had not been three days in the Abbey before +she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make +a prize of his heart. Scythrop proved an easy conquest. The image of +Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of +philosophy and the exercise of reason: for to these influences, or to +any influence but the true one, are usually ascribed the mental cures +performed by the great physician Time. Scythrop's romantic dreams had +indeed given him many _pure anticipated cognitions_ of combinations +of beauty and intelligence, which, he had some misgivings, were not +exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta; but, in spite of these +misgivings, he soon became distractedly in love; which, when the young +lady clearly perceived, she altered her tactics, and assumed as much +coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous +attachment. Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change; but, instead +of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation, he retreated +to his tower, muffled himself in his nightcap, seated himself in +the president's chair of his imaginary secret tribunal, summoned +Marionetta with all terrible formalities, frightened her out of her +wits, disclosed himself, and clasped the beautiful penitent to his +bosom. + +While he was acting this reverie--in the moment in which the awful +president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his +mantle, and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring +and magnanimous lover, the door of the study opened, and the real +Marionetta appeared. + +The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence, a +little concern, a little affection, and a little fear as to what the +sudden secession of Scythrop, occasioned by her sudden change of +manner, might portend. She had tapped several times unheard, and of +course unanswered; and at length, timidly and cautiously opening the +door, she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair, +which was mounted on an old oak table, in the act of throwing open his +striped calico dressing-gown, and flinging away his nightcap--which is +what the French call an imposing attitude. + +Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places--the lady in +astonishment, and the gentleman in confusion. Marionetta was the first +to break silence. 'For heaven's sake,' said she, 'my dear Scythrop, +what is the matter?' + +'For heaven's sake, indeed!' said Scythrop, springing from the table; +'for your sake, Marionetta, and you are my heaven,--distraction is the +matter. I adore you, Marionetta, and your cruelty drives me mad.' +He threw himself at her knees, devoured her hand with kisses, and +breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance. + +Marionetta listened a long time in silence, till her lover had +exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply. She then said, with a +very arch look, 'I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world.' +The levity of this quotation, and of the manner in which it was +delivered, jarred so discordantly on the high-wrought enthusiasm of +the romantic inamorato, that he sprang upon his feet, and beat his +forehead with his clenched fist. The young lady was terrified; and, +deeming it expedient to soothe him, took one of his hands in hers, +placed the other hand on his shoulder, looked up in his face with a +winning seriousness, and said, in the tenderest possible tone, 'What +would you have, Scythrop?' + +Scythrop was in heaven again. 'What would I have? What but you, +Marionetta? You, for the companion of my studies, the partner of my +thoughts, the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of +mankind.' + +'I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary, Scythrop. What would +you have me do?' + +'Do as Rosalia does with Carlos, divine Marionetta. Let us each open +a vein in the other's arm, mix our blood in a bowl, and drink it as +a sacrament of love. Then we shall see visions of transcendental +illumination, and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure +intelligence.' + +Marionetta could not reply; she had not so strong a stomach as +Rosalia, and turned sick at the proposition. She disengaged herself +suddenly from Scythrop, sprang through the door of the tower, and fled +with precipitation along the corridors. Scythrop pursued her, crying, +'Stop, stop, Marionetta--my life, my love!' and was gaining rapidly on +her flight, when, at an ill-omened corner, where two corridors ended +in an angle, at the head of a staircase, he came into sudden and +violent contact with Mr Toobad, and they both plunged together to the +foot of the stairs, like two billiard-balls into one pocket. This gave +the young lady time to escape, and enclose herself in her chamber; +while Mr Toobad, rising slowly, and rubbing his knees and shoulders, +said, 'You see, my dear Scythrop, in this little incident, one of the +innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil; for what +but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have +made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons +at the head of this accursed staircase?' + +'Nothing else, certainly,' said Scythrop: 'you are perfectly in the +right, Mr Toobad. Evil, and mischief, and misery, and confusion, +and vanity, and vexation of spirit, and death, and disease, and +assassination, and war, and poverty, and pestilence, and famine, and +avarice, and selfishness, and rancour, and jealousy, and spleen, +and malevolence, and the disappointments of philanthropy, and the +faithlessness of friendship, and the crosses of love--all prove the +accuracy of your views, and the truth of your system; and it is not +impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may +throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence.' + +'My dear boy,' said Mr Toobad, 'you have a fine eye for consequences.' + +So saying, he embraced Scythrop, who retired, with a disconsolate +step, to dress for dinner; while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall, +repeating, 'Woe to the inhabiters of the earth, and of the sea, for +the devil is come among you, having great wrath.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +The flight of Marionetta, and the pursuit of Scythrop, had been +witnessed by Mr Glowry, who, in consequence, narrowly observed his son +and his niece in the evening; and, concluding from their manner, that +there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see, +he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and +satisfactory explanation. He, therefore, shortly after breakfast, +entered Scythrop's tower, with a very grave face, and said, without +ceremony or preface, 'So, sir, you are in love with your cousin.' + +Scythrop, with as little hesitation, answered, 'Yes, sir.' + +'That is candid, at least; and she is in love with you.' + +'I wish she were, sir.' + +'You know she is, sir.' + +'Indeed, sir, I do not.' + +'But you hope she is.' + +'I do, from my soul.' + +'Now that is very provoking, Scythrop, and very disappointing: I could +not have supposed that you, Scythrop Glowry, of Nightmare Abbey, +would have been infatuated with such a dancing, laughing, singing, +thoughtless, careless, merry-hearted thing, as Marionetta--in all +respects the reverse of you and me. It is very disappointing, +Scythrop. And do you know, sir, that Marionetta has no fortune?' + +'It is the more reason, sir, that her husband should have one.' + +'The more reason for her; but not for you. My wife had no fortune, and +I had no consolation in my calamity. And do you reflect, sir, what an +enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate? we who +used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire.' + +'To be sure, sir, we had more acres of fen than any man on this +coast: but what are fens to love? What are dykes and windmills to +Marionetta?' + +'And what, sir, is love to a windmill? Not grist, I am certain: +besides, sir, I have made a choice for you. I have made a choice for +you, Scythrop. Beauty, genius, accomplishments, and a great fortune +into the bargain. Such a lovely, serious creature, in a fine state of +high dissatisfaction with the world, and every thing in it. Such a +delightful surprise I had prepared for you. Sir, I have pledged my +honour to the contract--the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey: +and now, sir, what is to be done?' + +'Indeed, sir, I cannot say. I claim, on this occasion, that liberty of +action which is the co-natal prerogative of every rational being.' + +'Liberty of action, sir? there is no such thing as liberty of action. +We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity.' + +'Very true, sir; but liberty of action, between individuals, consists +in their being differently influenced, or modified, by the same +universal necessity; so that the results are unconsentaneous, and +their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a +tangent.' + +'Your logic is good, sir: but you are aware, too, that one individual +may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity, +which may have more or less influence in the production of +consentaneity; and, therefore, sir, if you do not comply with my +wishes in this instance (you have had your own way in every thing +else), I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you, though +I shall do it with tears in my eyes.' Having said these words, he +vanished suddenly, in the dread of Scythrop's logic. + +Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary, and communicated to her his +views of the case in point. Mrs Hilary, as the phrase is, was as fond +of Marionetta as if she had been her own child: but--there is always a +_but_ on these occasions--she could do nothing for her in the way +of fortune, as she had two hopeful sons, who were finishing their +education at Brazen-nose, and who would not like to encounter any +diminution of their prospects, when they should be brought out of the +house of mental bondage--i.e. the university--to the land flowing with +milk and honey--i.e. the west end of London. + +Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta, that propriety, and delicacy, and +decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c.,[3] would require them to leave the +Abbey immediately. Marionetta listened in silent submission, for she +knew that her inheritance was passive obedience; but, when Scythrop, +who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilary's departure, entered, +and, without speaking a word, threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm +of grief, the young lady, in equal silence and sorrow, threw her arms +round his neck and burst into tears. A very tender scene ensued, which +the sympathetic susceptibilities of the soft-hearted reader can more +accurately imagine than we can delineate. But when Marionetta hinted +that she was to leave the Abbey immediately, Scythrop snatched from +its repository his ancestor's skull, filled it with Madeira, and +presenting himself before Mr Glowry, threatened to drink off the +contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta +should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent. Mr Glowry, +who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage, gave the required +promise in dismal panic. Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful +heart, and drank the Madeira by the way. + +Mr Glowry, during his residence in London, had come to an agreement +with his friend Mr Toobad, that a match between Scythrop and Mr +Toobad's daughter would be a very desirable occurrence. She was +finishing her education in a German convent, but Mr Toobad described +her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic +philosophy,[4] and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young +lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of +Nightmare Abbey. She had a great fortune in her own right, which was +not, as we have seen, without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to +set his heart upon her as his daughter-in-law that was to be; he was +therefore very much disturbed by Scythrop's untoward attachment to +Marionetta. He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad; who said, that +he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in +all his affairs, to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven +claw; but that he hoped to outwit him yet, for he was sure there could +be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of +any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world +being a great theatre of evil, seriousness and solemnity are the +characteristics of wisdom, and laughter and merriment make a human +being no better than a baboon. Mr Glowry comforted himself with this +view of the subject, and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughter's +return from Germany. Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her +arrival in London, and would set off immediately to meet her, that +he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey. 'Then,' he +added, 'we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene--whether the Allegra +or the Penserosa--will carry off the symbol of victory.'--'There can +be no doubt,' said Mr Glowry, 'which way the scale will incline, or +Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Marionetta felt secure of Scythrop's heart; and notwithstanding the +difficulties that surrounded her, she could not debar herself from the +pleasure of tormenting her lover, whom she kept in a perpetual fever. +Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection; +sometimes with the most chilling indifference; rousing him to anger by +artificial coldness--softening him to love by eloquent tenderness--or +inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr +Listless, who seemed, under her magical influence, to burst into +sudden life, like the bud of the evening primrose. Sometimes she would +sit by the piano, and listen with becoming attention to Scythrop's +pathetic remonstrances; but, in the most impassioned part of his +oratory, she would convert all his ideas into a chaos, by striking up +some Rondo Allegro, and saying, 'Is it not pretty?' Scythrop would +begin to storm; and she would answer him with, + + 'Zitti, zitti, piano, piano, + Non facciamo confusione,' + +or some similar _facezia_, till he would start away from her, and +enclose himself in his tower, in an agony of agitation, vowing to +renounce her, and her whole sex, for ever; and returning to her +presence at the summons of the billet, which she never failed to +send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment. +Scythrop's schemes for regenerating the world, and detecting his seven +golden candle-sticks, went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit. + +Things proceeded in this train for several days; and Mr Glowry began +to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad; when one +evening the latter rushed into the library, where the family and the +visitors were assembled, vociferating, 'The devil is come among +you, having great wrath!' He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another +apartment, and after remaining some time together, they re-entered the +library with faces of great dismay, but did not condescend to explain +to any one the cause of their discomfiture. + +The next morning, early, Mr Toobad departed. Mr Glowry sighed and +groaned all day, and said not a word to any one. Scythrop had +quarrelled, as usual, with Marionetta, and was enclosed in his tower, +in a fit of morbid sensibility. Marionetta was comforting herself at +the piano, with singing the airs of _Nina pazza per amore_; and the +Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony, as he lay +supine on the sofa, with a book in his hand, into which he peeped at +intervals. The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa, and proposed a +game at billiards. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Billiards! Really I should be very happy; but, in my present exhausted +state, the exertion is too much for me. I do not know when I have been +equal to such an effort. (_He rang the bell for his valet. Fatout +entered_.) Fatout! when did I play at billiards last? + + +FATOUT + +De fourteen December de last year, Monsieur. (_Fatout bowed and +retired_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. Seven months ago. You see, Mr Larynx; you see, sir. My +nerves, Miss O'Carroll, my nerves are shattered. I have been advised +to try Bath. Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham. I think of +trying both, as the seasons don't clash. The season, you know, Mr +Larynx--the season, Miss O'Carroll--the season is every thing. + + +MARIONETTA + +And health is something. _N'est-ce pas_, Mr Larynx? + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Most assuredly, Miss O'Carroll. For, however reasoners may dispute +about the _summum bonum_, none of them will deny that a very good +dinner is a very good thing: and what is a good dinner without a good +appetite? and whence is a good appetite but from good health? Now, +Cheltenham, Mr Listless, is famous for good appetites. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +The best piece of logic I ever heard, Mr Larynx; the very best, +I assure you. I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham: very +seriously and profoundly. I thought of it--let me see--when did I +think of it? (_He rang again, and Fatout reappeared._) Fatout! when +did I think of going to Cheltenham, and did not go? + + +FATOUT + +De Juillet twenty-von, de last summer, Monsieur. (_Fatout retired._) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +So it was. An invaluable fellow that, Mr Larynx--invaluable, Miss +O'Carroll. + + +MARIONETTA + +So I should judge, indeed. He seems to serve you as a walking memory, +and to be a living chronicle, not of your actions only, but of your +thoughts. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +An excellent definition of the fellow, Miss O'Carroll,--excellent, +upon my honour. Ha! ha! he! Heigho! Laughter is pleasant, but the +exertion is too much for me. + + +A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless; it had been sent express. +Fatout was summoned to unpack it; and it proved to contain a new +novel, and a new poem, both of which had long been anxiously expected +by the whole host of fashionable readers; and the last number of a +popular Review, of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high +favour at court, and enjoyed ample pensions[5] for their services to +church and state. As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and +curiously inspected the literary arrivals. + + +MR FLOSKY + +(_Turning over the leaves._) 'Devilman, a novel.' Hm. Hatred--revenge-- +misanthropy--and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid +anatomy of black bile.--'Paul Jones, a poem.' Hm. I see how it is. +Paul Jones, an amiable enthusiast--disappointed in his affections-- +turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity--cuts various masculine +throats, wins various feminine hearts--is hanged at the yard-arm! The +catastrophe is very awkward, and very unpoetical.--'The Downing Street +Review.' Hm. First article--An Ode to the Red Book, by Roderick +Sackbut, Esquire. Hm. His own poem reviewed by himself. Hm--m--m. + + +(_Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles +of the review; Marionetta inspected the novel, and Mr Listless the +poem._) + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +For a young man of fashion and family, Mr Listless, you seem to be of +a very studious turn. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Studious! You are pleased to be facetious, Mr Larynx. I hope you do +not suspect me of being studious. I have finished my education. But +there are some fashionable books that one must read, because they are +ingredients of the talk of the day; otherwise, I am no fonder of books +than I dare say you yourself are, Mr Larynx. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Why, sir, I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books; +yet neither can I say that I never do read. A tale or a poem, now and +then, to a circle of ladies over their work, is no very heterodox +employment of the vocal energy. And I must say, for myself, that +few men have a more Job-like endurance of the eternally recurring +questions and answers that interweave themselves, on these occasions, +with the crisis of an adventure, and heighten the distress of a +tragedy. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it. + + +MARIONETTA + +I shall try your patience some rainy morning, Mr Larynx; and Mr +Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book, that every body +reads. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You shall receive it, Miss O'Carroll, with all the gloss of novelty; +fresh as a ripe green-gage in all the downiness of its bloom. A +mail-coach copy from Edinburgh, forwarded express from London. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This rage for novelty is the bane of literature. Except my works and +those of my particular friends, nothing is good that is not as old as +Jeremy Taylor: and, _entre nous_, the best parts of my friends' books +were either written or suggested by myself. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Sir, I reverence you. But I must say, modern books are very +consolatory and congenial to my feelings. There is, as it were, a +delightful north-east wind, an intellectual blight breathing through +them; a delicious misanthropy and discontent, that demonstrates the +nullity of virtue and energy, and puts me in good humour with myself +and my sofa. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Very true, sir. Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of +the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it +so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call +this a paradox. Marry, so be it. Ponder thereon. + + +The conversation was interrupted by the re-appearance of Mr Toobad, +covered with mud. He just showed himself at the door, muttered 'The +devil is come among you!' and vanished. The road which connected +Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world, was artificially raised +above the level of the fens, and ran through them in a straight line +as far as the eye could reach, with a ditch on each side, of which the +water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered +the surface. Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a +shy horse, which took fright at a windmill, had precipitated the +travelling chariot of Mr Toobad, who had been reduced to the necessity +of scrambling in dismal plight through the window. One of the wheels +was found to be broken; and Mr Toobad, leaving the postilion to +get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of +cleaning and repairing, had walked back to Nightmare Abbey, followed +by his servant with the imperial, and repeating all the way his +favourite quotation from the Revelations. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London, and after the +first joy of meeting was over, told her he had a husband ready for +her. The young lady replied, very gravely, that she should take the +liberty to choose for herself. Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was +determined to interfere with all his projects, but he was resolved +on his own part, not to have on his conscience the crime of passive +obedience and non-resistance to Lucifer, and therefore she should +marry the person he had chosen for her. Miss Toobad replied, _très +posément_, she assuredly would not. 'Celinda, Celinda,' said Mr +Toobad, 'you most assuredly shall.'--'Have I not a fortune in my own +right, sir?' said Celinda. 'The more is the pity,' said Mr Toobad: +'but I can find means, miss; I can find means. There are more ways +than one of breaking in obstinate girls.' They parted for the night +with the expression of opposite resolutions, and in the morning the +young lady's chamber was found empty, and what was become of her Mr +Toobad had no clue to conjecture. He continued to investigate town and +country in search of her; visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at +intervals, to consult with his friend, Mr Glowry. Mr Glowry agreed +with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial +disobedience and rebellion; and Mr Toobad declared, that when he +discovered the fugitive, she should find that 'the devil was come unto +her, having great wrath.' + +In the evening, the whole party met, as usual, in the library. +Marionetta sat at the harp; the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and +turned over her music, though the exertion was almost too much +for him. The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this +delightful labour. Scythrop, tormented by the demon Jealousy, sat in +the corner biting his lips and fingers. Marionetta looked at him every +now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour, which he +pretended not to see, and which only the more exasperated his troubled +spirit. He took down a volume of Dante, and pretended to be deeply +interested in the Purgatorio, though he knew not a word he was +reading, as Marionetta was well aware; who, tripping across the room, +peeped into his book, and said to him, 'I see you are in the middle of +Purgatory.'--'I am in the middle of hell,' said Scythrop furiously. +'Are you?' said she; 'then come across the room, and I will sing you +the finale of Don Giovanni.' + +'Let me alone,' said Scythrop. Marionetta looked at him with a +deprecating smile, and said, 'You unjust, cross creature, you.'--'Let +me alone,' said Scythrop, but much less emphatically than at first, +and by no means wishing to be taken at his word. Marionetta left him +immediately, and returning to the harp, said, just loud enough for +Scythrop to hear--'Did you ever read Dante, Mr Listless? Scythrop +is reading Dante, and is just now in Purgatory.'--'And I' said the +Honourable Mr Listless, 'am not reading Dante, and am just now in +Paradise,' bowing to Marionetta. + + +MARIONETTA + +You are very gallant, Mr Listless; and I dare say you are very fond of +reading Dante. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I don't know how it is, but Dante never came in my way till lately. I +never had him in my collection, and if I had had him I should not have +read him. But I find he is growing fashionable, and I am afraid I must +read him some wet morning. + + +MARIONETTA + +No, read him some evening, by all means. Were you ever in love, Mr +Listless? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I assure you, Miss O'Carroll, never--till I came to Nightmare Abbey. +I dare say it is very pleasant; but it seems to give so much trouble +that I fear the exertion would be too much for me. + + +MARIONETTA + +Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship, that will give +you no trouble whatever? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation. I am all impatience +to learn it. + + +MARIONETTA + +Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante; only be sure to begin +in the middle, and turn over three or four pages at once--backwards +as well as forwards, and she will immediately perceive that you are +desperately in love with her--desperately. + + +_(The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta, +and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker, did not observe +Scythrop, who was doing as she described.)_ + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be facetious, Miss O'Carroll. The lady would +infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town. + + +MARIONETTA + +Far from it. She would say, perhaps, some people have odd methods of +showing their affection. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +But I should think, with submission-- + + +MR FLOSKY (_joining them from another part of the room_) + +Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable? + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I did hazard a remark to that effect, Mr Flosky, though I speak on +such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness, in the +presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky. I know not what is the colour +of Dante's devils, but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I +conclude they are blue; for the blue devils, as it seems to me, Mr +Flosky, constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The blue are, indeed, the staple commodity; but as they will not +always be commanded, the black, red, and grey may be admitted as +substitutes. Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution, have played +the devil, Mr Listless, and brought the devil into play. + + +MR TOOBAD (_starting up_) + +Having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +This is no play upon words, but the sober sadness of veritable fact. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Tea, late dinners, and the French Revolution. I cannot exactly see the +connection of ideas. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be sorry if you could; I pity the man who can see the +connection of his own ideas. Still more do I pity him, the connection +of whose ideas any other person can see. Sir, the great evil is, +that there is too much common-place light in our moral and political +literature; and light is a great enemy to mystery, and mystery is a +great friend to enthusiasm. Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is +an exceedingly fine thing, as long as the truth, which is the object +of the enthusiasm, is so completely abstract as to be altogether out +of the reach of the human faculties; and, in that sense, I have +myself an enthusiasm for truth, but in no other, for the pleasure of +metaphysical investigation lies in the means, not in the end; and if +the end could be found, the pleasure of the means would cease. The +mind, to be kept in health, must be kept in exercise. The proper +exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning. Analytical reasoning is a +base and mechanical process, which takes to pieces and examines, bit +by bit, the rude material of knowledge, and extracts therefrom a few +hard and obstinate things called facts, every thing in the shape of +which I cordially hate. But synthetical reasoning, setting up as its +goal some unattainable abstraction, like an imaginary quantity in +algebra, and commencing its course with taking for granted some two +assertions which cannot be proved, from the union of these two assumed +truths produces a third assumption, and so on in infinite series, to +the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect. The beauty of this +process is, that at every step it strikes out into two branches, in +a compound ratio of ramification; so that you are perfectly sure of +losing your way, and keeping your mind in perfect health, by the +perpetual exercise of an interminable quest; and for these reasons I +have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing can be more luminous. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And what has all that to do with Dante, and the blue devils? + + +MR HILARY + +Not much, I should think, with Dante, but a great deal with the blue +devils. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is very certain, and much to be rejoiced at, that our literature is +hag-ridden. Tea has shattered our nerves; late dinners make us slaves +of indigestion; the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name +of philosophy, and has destroyed, in the more refined part of the +community (of which number I am one), all enthusiasm for political +liberty. That part of the _reading public_ which shuns the solid +food of reason for the light diet of fiction, requires a perpetual +adhibition of _sauce piquante_ to the palate of its depraved +imagination. It lived upon ghosts, goblins, and skeletons (I and my +friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best), till even the devil +himself, though magnified to the size of Mount Athos, became too base, +common, and popular, for its surfeited appetite. The ghosts have +therefore been laid, and the devil has been cast into outer darkness, +and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and +blackest passions of our nature, tricked out in a masquerade dress of +heroism and disappointed benevolence; the whole secret of which lies +in forming combinations that contradict all our experience, and +affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise +character, in which we should be most certain not to find it in the +living world; and making this single virtue not only redeem all the +real and manifest vices of the character, but make them actually +pass for necessary adjuncts, and indispensable accompaniments and +characteristics of the said virtue. + + +MR TOOBAD + +That is, because the devil is come among us, and finds it for his +interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right +and wrong. + + +MARIONETTA + +I do not precisely enter into your meaning, Mr Flosky, and should be +glad if you would make it a little more plain to me. + + +MR FLOSKY + +One or two examples will do it, Miss O'Carroll. If I were to take all +the mean and sordid qualities of a money-dealing Jew, and tack on to +them, as with a nail, the quality of extreme benevolence, I should +have a very decent hero for a modern novel; and should contribute my +quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice, under +a thin and unnatural covering of virtue, like a spider wrapt in a +bit of gold leaf, and administered as a wholesome pill. On the same +principle, if a man knocks me down, and takes my purse and watch by +main force, I turn him to account, and set him forth in a tragedy as +a dashing young fellow, disinherited for his romantic generosity, and +full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general, and his own +country in particular, and of a most enlightened and chivalrous +affection for himself: then, with the addition of a wild girl to fall +in love with him, and a series of adventures in which they break all +the Ten Commandments in succession (always, you will observe, for some +sublime motive, which must be carefully analysed in its progress), I +have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that +new region of the belles lettres, which I have called the Morbid +Anatomy of Black Bile, and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced +at, as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power. + + +MR HILARY + +Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in +forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm. If we go on in this way, we +shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will +be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine +and music in the world. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It seems to be the case with us at present, or we should not have +interrupted Miss O'Carroll's music with this exceedingly dry +conversation. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I should be most happy if Miss O'Carroll would remind us that there +are yet both music and sunshine-- + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +In the voice and the smile of beauty. May I entreat the favour +of--(_turning over the pages of music._) + + +All were silent, and Marionetta sung: + + Why are thy looks so blank, grey friar? + Why are thy looks so blue? + Thou seem'st more pale and lank, grey friar, + Than thou wast used to do:-- + Say, what has made thee rue? + + Thy form was plump, and a light did shine + In thy round and ruby face, + Which showed an outward visible sign + Of an inward spiritual grace:-- + Say, what has changed thy case? + + Yet will I tell thee true, grey friar, + I very well can see, + That, if thy looks are blue, grey friar, + 'Tis all for love of me,-- + 'Tis all for love of me. + + But breathe not thy vows to me, grey friar, + Oh, breathe them not, I pray; + For ill beseems in a reverend friar, + The love of a mortal may; + And I needs must say thee nay. + + But, could'st thou think my heart to move + With that pale and silent scowl? + Know, he who would win a maiden's love, + Whether clad in cap or cowl, + Must be more of a lark than an owl. + + +Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf, and joined the +circle round the beautiful singer. Marionetta gave him a smile of +approbation that fully restored his complacency, and they continued +on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening. The +Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity, +saying, 'You are severe upon invalids, Miss O'Carroll: to escape your +satire, I must try to be sprightly, though the exertion is too much +for me.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +A new visitor arrived at the Abbey, in the person of Mr Asterias, +the ichthyologist. This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the +living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world; +he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes, of shells, sea-weeds, +corals, and madrepores, that was the admiration and envy of the Royal +Society. He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus, +disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtle-dove of the ocean, and +come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict. He had been becalmed +in the tropical seas, and had watched, in eager expectation, though +unhappily always in vain, to see the colossal polypus rise from the +water, and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging. +He maintained the origin of all things from water, and insisted that +the polypodes were the first of animated things, and that, from their +round bodies and many-shooting arms, the Hindoos had taken their gods, +the most ancient of deities. But the chief object of his ambition, the +end and aim of his researches, was to discover a triton and a mermaid, +the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed, and +was prepared to demonstrate, _à priori, à posteriori, à fortiori_, +synthetically and analytically, syllogistically and inductively, +by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible +hypotheses. A report that a mermaid had been seen 'sleeking her soft +alluring locks' on the sea-coast of Lincolnshire, had brought him in +great haste from London, to pay a long-promised and often-postponed +visit to his old acquaintance, Mr Glowry. + +Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son, to whom he had given the name +of Aquarius--flattering himself that he would, in the process of time, +become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science. What +charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast, +no one pretended to know; and, as he never dropped the most distant +allusion to Aquarius's mother, some of the wags of London maintained +that he had received the favours of a mermaid, and that the scientific +perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the sea-shore, were +directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love. + +Mr Asterias perlustrated the sea-coast for several days, and reaped +disappointment, but not despair. One night, shortly after his arrival, +he was sitting in one of the windows of the library, looking towards +the sea, when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving +near the edge of the surf, and which was dimly visible through the +moonless summer night. Its motions were irregular, like those of a +person in a state of indecision. It had extremely long hair, which +floated in the wind. Whatever else it might be, it certainly was not a +fisherman. It might be a lady; but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss +O'Carroll, for they were both in the library. It might be one of the +female servants; but it had too much grace, and too striking an air of +habitual liberty, to render it probable. Besides, what should one of +the female servants be doing there at this hour, moving to and fro, +as it seemed, without any visible purpose? It could scarcely be a +stranger; for Claydyke, the nearest village, was ten miles distant; +and what female would come ten miles across the fens, for no purpose +but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey? Might +it not be a mermaid? It was possibly a mermaid. It was probably a +mermaid. It was very probably a mermaid. Nay, what else could it be +but a mermaid? It certainly was a mermaid. Mr Asterias stole out of +the library on tiptoe, with his finger on his lips, having beckoned +Aquarius to follow him. + +The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asterias's movement, +and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would +tend to elucidate the mystery. Presently they saw him and Aquarius +cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat, but they saw +nothing more; and Mr Asterias returning, told them, with accents of +great disappointment, that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid, but she +had eluded him in the darkness, and was gone, he presumed, to sup with +some enamoured triton, in a submarine grotto. + +'But, seriously, Mr Asterias,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'do +you positively believe there are such things as mermaids?' + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Most assuredly; and tritons too. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +What! things that are half human and half fish? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Precisely. They are the oran-outangs of the sea. But I am persuaded +that there are also complete sea men, differing in no respect from us, +but that they are stupid, and covered with scales; for, though our +organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of +amphibious animals, yet anatomists well know that the _foramen ovale_ +may remain open in an adult, and that respiration is, in that case, +not necessary to life: and how can it be otherwise explained that the +Indian divers, employed in the pearl fishery, pass whole hours under +the water; and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived +a day and a half under the ice without being drowned? A nereid, or +mermaid, was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake, and was in every +respect like a French woman, except that she did not speak. Towards +the end of the seventeenth century, an English ship, a hundred and +fifty leagues from land, in the Greenland seas, discovered a flotilla +of sixty or seventy little skiffs, in each of which was a triton, or +sea man: at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them, +seized with simultaneous fear, disappeared, skiffs and all, under +the water, as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus. The +illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and well-attested +story of a young Spaniard, named Francis de la Vega, who, bathing with +some of his friends in June, 1674, suddenly dived under the sea and +rose no more. His friends thought him drowned; they were plebeians and +pious Catholics; but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn +the same conclusion. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Nothing could be more logical. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Five years afterwards, some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a +triton, or sea man; they spoke to him in several languages-- + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +They were very learned fishermen. + + +MR HILARY + +They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother +fisherman, Saint Peter. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz? + + +(_None of the company could answer this question, and_ MR ASTERIAS +_proceeded_.) + +They spoke to him in several languages, but he was as mute as a fish. +They handed him over to some holy friars, who exorcised him; but the +devil was mute too. After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes. +A monk took him to that village. His mother and brothers recognised +and embraced him; but he was as insensible to their caresses as any +other fish would have been. He had some scales on his body, which +dropped off by degrees; but his skin was as hard and rough as +shagreen. He stayed at home nine years, without recovering his +speech or his reason: he then disappeared again; and one of his old +acquaintance, some years after, saw him pop his head out of the water +near the coast of the Asturias. These facts were certified by his +brothers, and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero, Knight of Saint +James, who lived near Lierganes, and often had the pleasure of +our triton's company to dinner.--Pliny mentions an embassy of the +Olyssiponians to Tiberius, to give him intelligence of a triton which +had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave; with several +other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You astonish me. I have been much on the sea-shore, in the season, but +I do not think I ever saw a mermaid. (_He rang, and summoned Fatout, +who made his appearance half-seas-over_.) Fatout! did I ever see a +mermaid? + + +FATOUT + +Mermaid! mer-r-m-m-aid! Ah! merry maid! Oui, monsieur! Yes, sir, very +many. I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen--ma foi! Dey be +all as melancholic as so many tombstone. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I mean, Fatout, an odd kind of human fish. + + +FATOUT + +De odd fish! Ah, oui! I understand de phrase: ve have seen nothing +else since ve left town--ma foi! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You seem to have a cup too much, sir. + + +FATOUT + +Non, monsieur: de cup too little. De fen be very unwholesome, and I +drink-a-de ponch vid Raven de butler, to keep out de bad air. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Fatout! I insist on your being sober. + + +FATOUT + +Oui, monsieur; I vil be as sober as de révérendissime père Jean. I +should be ver glad of de merry maid; but de butler be de odd fish, +and he swim in de bowl de ponch. Ah! ah! I do recollect de leetle-a +song:--'About fair maids, and about fair maids, and about my merry +maids all.' (_Fatout reeled out, singing_.) + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am overwhelmed: I never saw the rascal in such a condition before. +But will you allow me, Mr Asterias, to inquire into the _cui bono_ of +all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid? The +_cui bono_, sir, is the question I always take the liberty to ask when +I see any one taking much trouble for any object. I am myself a sort +of Signor Pococurante, and should like to know if there be any thing +better or pleasanter, than the state of existing and doing nothing? + + +MR ASTERIAS + +I have made many voyages, Mr Listless, to remote and barren shores: +I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands: I have defied +danger--I have endured fatigue--I have submitted to privation. In the +midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any +time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing. I have +known many evils, but I have never known the worst of all, which, as +it seems to me, are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible +varieties of _ennui_: spleen, chagrin, vapours, blue devils, +time-killing, discontent, misanthropy, and all their interminable +train of fretfulness, querulousness, suspicions, jealousies, and +fears, which have alike infected society, and the literature of +society; and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind, if +the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive +the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres. + + +MR ASTERIAS + +Surely not without reason, when pirates, highwaymen, and other +varieties of the extensive genus Marauder, are the only _beau idéal_ +of the active, as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the +speculative energy. A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have +been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners: and a morbid, +withering, deadly, antisocial sirocco, loaded with moral and political +despair, breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern +Parnassus; while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course, +affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid--to maturity, calm +and grateful occupation--to old age, the most pleasing recollections +and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection; and, +while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the +intellect and increasing the comforts of society, he is himself +independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of +human fortune. Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure. His +days are always too short for his enjoyment: _ennui_, is a stranger to +his door. At peace with the world and with his own mind, he suffices +to himself, makes all around him happy, and the close of his pleasing +and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day.[6] + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself, but the +exertion would be too much for me. Besides, I have been at college. +I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed, +and killing the evening in company; dressing and dining in the +intermediate space, and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few +vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading. And that +amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our +present drawing-room-table literature, I find, I do assure you, a very +fine mental tonic, which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of +doing nothing, by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for. + + +MARIONETTA + +But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious +self-detection, which seems to carry their own antidote with them? For +surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the +world will publish a volume every three months to say so. + + +MR FLOSKY + +There is a secret in all this, which I will elucidate with a dusky +remark. According to Berkeley, the _esse_ of things is _percipi_. They +exist as they are perceived. But, leaving for the present, as far +as relates to the material world, the materialists, hyloists, and +antihyloists, to settle this point among them, which is indeed + + A subtle question, raised among + Those out o' their wits, and those i' the wrong: + +for only we transcendentalists are in the right: we may very safely +assert that the _esse_ of happiness is _percipi_. It exists as it is +perceived. 'It is the mind that maketh well or ill.' The elements of +pleasure and pain are every where. The degree of happiness that any +circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental +disposition with which we approach them. If you consider what is meant +by the common phrases, a happy disposition and a discontented temper, +you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is +universally admitted. + + +_(Mr Flosky suddenly stopped: he found himself unintentionally +trespassing within the limits of common sense.)_ + + +MR HILARY + +It is very true; a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment +every where. In the city, or the country--in society, or in +solitude--in the theatre, or the forest--in the hum of the multitude, +or in the silence of the mountains, are alike materials of reflection +and elements of pleasure. It is one mode of pleasure to listen to +the music of 'Don Giovanni,' in a theatre glittering with light, and +crowded with elegance and beauty: it is another to glide at sunset +over the bosom of a lonely lake, where no sound disturbs the silence +but the motion of the boat through the waters. A happy disposition +derives pleasure from both, a discontented temper from neither, but +is always busy in detecting deficiencies, and feeding dissatisfaction +with comparisons. The one gathers all the flowers, the other all the +nettles, in its path. The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing, +the other of enjoying nothing. The one realises all the pleasure of +the present good; the other converts it into pain, by pining after +something better, which is only better because it is not present, and +which, if it were present, would not be enjoyed. These morbid spirits +are in life what professed critics are in literature; they see nothing +but faults, because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to +beauties. The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy; +that which rises in spite of him he will not see; and then he +complains of the decline of literature. In like manner, these cankers +of society complain of human nature and society, when they have +wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain, and done +their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around +them. Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed +benevolence; but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening +and mortified vanity, quarrelling with the world for not being better +treated than it deserves. + + +SCYTHROP (_to Marionetta_) + +These remarks are rather uncharitable. There is great good in human +nature, but it is at present ill-conditioned. Ardent spirits cannot +but be dissatisfied with things as they are; and, according to their +views of the probabilities of amelioration, they will rush into the +extremes of either hope or despair--of which the first is enthusiasm, +and the second misanthropy; but their sources in this case are the +same, as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions, and both +rise in Plinlimmon. + + +MARIONETTA + +'And there is salmon in both;' for the resemblance is about as close +as that between Macedon and Monmouth. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in +Scythrop, for which she could not imagine any probable cause. She was +willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling +source, and would pass off in a day or two; but, contrary to this +expectation, it daily increased. She was well aware that Scythrop had +a strong tendency to the love of mystery, for its own sake; that is +to say, he would employ mystery to serve a purpose, but would first +choose his purpose by its capability of mystery. He seemed now to have +more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed, and to +wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort. All her +little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to +irritate or to soothe; and the first perception of her diminished +influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits, and a +consequent sadness of demeanour, that rendered her very interesting to +Mr Glowry; who, duly considering the improbability of accomplishing +his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad (which improbability naturally +increased in the diurnal ratio of that young lady's absence), began +to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his +daughter. + +Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the +secret of his mystery; and, in despair of drawing it from himself, +began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky, +who was Scythrop's dearest friend, and was more frequently than any +other person admitted to his solitary tower. Mr Flosky, however, had +ceased to be visible in a morning. He was engaged in the composition +of a dismal ballad; and, Marionetta's uneasiness overcoming her +scruples of decorum, she determined to seek him in the apartment which +he had chosen for his study. She tapped at the door, and at the sound +'Come in,' entered the apartment. It was noon, and the sun was shining +in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had +obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing +the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a +solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, +with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn +blue. He sate with 'his eye in a fine frenzy rolling,' and turned his +inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of +a magical vision; then placed his hand before his eyes, with an +appearance of manifest pain--shook his head--withdrew his hand--rubbed +his eyes, like a waking man--and said, in a tone of ruefulness most +jeremitaylorically pathetic, 'To what am I to attribute this very +unexpected pleasure, my dear Miss O'Carroll?' + + +MARIONETTA + +I must apologise for intruding on you, Mr Flosky; but the interest +which I--you--take in my cousin Scythrop-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pardon me, Miss O'Carroll; I do not take any interest in any person or +thing on the face of the earth; which sentiment, if you analyse it, +you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy. + + +MARIONETTA + +I will take it for granted that it is so, Mr Flosky; I am not +conversant with metaphysical subtleties, but-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Subtleties! my dear Miss O'Carroll. I am sorry to find you +participating in the vulgar error of the _reading public,_ to whom +an unusual collocation of words, involving a juxtaposition of +antiperistatical ideas, immediately suggests the notion of +hyperoxysophistical paradoxology. + + +MARIONETTA + +Indeed, Mr Flosky, it suggests no such notion to me. I have sought you +for the purpose of obtaining information. + + +MR FLOSKY _(shaking his head)_ + +No one ever sought me for such a purpose before. + + +MARIONETTA + +I think, Mr Flosky--that is, I believe--that is, I fancy--that is, I +imagine-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +The [Greek: toytesti], the _id est_, the _cioè_, the _c'est à dire_, +the _that is_, my dear Miss O'Carroll, is not applicable in this +case--if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so. Think +is not synonymous with believe--for belief, in many most important +particulars, results from the total absence, the absolute negation of +thought, and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind; and +thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy, and +fancy, again, is distinct from imagination. This distinction between +fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points +of metaphysics. I have written seven hundred pages of promise to +elucidate it, which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank +will its promise to pay. + + +MARIONETTA + +I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do +about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl +in intelligible terms-- + + +MR FLOSKY + +Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of +men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed +himself with humility as with a garment? + + +MARIONETTA + +My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him, which +gives me great uneasiness. + + +MR FLOSKY + +That is strange: nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery. +Mystery is the very key-stone of all that is beautiful in poetry, all +that is sacred in faith, and all that is recondite in transcendental +psychology. I am writing a ballad which is all mystery; it is 'such +stuff as dreams are made of,' and is, indeed, stuff made of a dream; +for, last night I fell asleep as usual over my book, and had a vision +of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, +having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter +Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called +Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are +inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. (_Mr Flosky gave a +start at the word nonsense, which almost overturned the table._) I +assure you, I would not have intruded if I had not been very much +interested in the question I wish to ask you.--(_Mr Flosky listened +in sullen dignity._)--My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret +preying on his mind.--(_Mr Flosky was silent._)--He seems very +unhappy--Mr Flosky.--Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.--(_Mr +Flosky was still silent._)--I only wish to know--Mr Flosky--if it is +any thing--that could be remedied by any thing--that any one--of whom +I know any thing--could do. + + +MR FLOSKY (_after a pause_) + +There are various ways of getting at secrets. The most approved +methods, as recommended both theoretically and practically in +philosophical novels, are eavesdropping at key-holes, picking the +locks of chests and desks, peeping into letters, steaming wafers, and +insinuating hot wire under sealing wax; none of which methods I hold +it lawful to practise. + + +MARIONETTA + +Surely, Mr Flosky, you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or +encourage such base and contemptible arts. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Yet are they recommended, and with well-strung reasons, by writers of +gravity and note, as simple and easy methods of studying character, +and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of +man. + + +MARIONETTA + +I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve, as of the +metaphysics which you do: I should be glad to know by your means, what +is the matter with my cousin; I do not like to see him unhappy, and I +suppose there is some reason for it. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it: it is the +fashion to be unhappy. To have a reason for being so would be +exceedingly common-place: to be so without any is the province of +genius: the art of being miserable for misery's sake, has been brought +to great perfection in our days; and the ancient Odyssey, which held +forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune, will +give place to a modern one, setting out a more instructive picture of +querulous impatience under imaginary evils. + + +MARIONETTA + +Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain +question? + + +MR FLOSKY + +It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer +to a question in my life. + + +MARIONETTA + +Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin? + + +MR FLOSKY + +To say that I do not know, would be to say that I am ignorant of +something; and God forbid, that a transcendental metaphysician, who +has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing, and carries the whole +science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into +Euclid, should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself +ignorant of any thing: to say that I do know, would be to pretend to +positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact, +which, when you consider the nature of evidence, and the various +lights in which the same thing may be seen-- + + +MARIONETTA + +I see, Mr Flosky, that either you have no information, or are +determined not to impart it; and I beg your pardon for having given +you this unnecessary trouble. + + +MR FLOSKY + +My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have +said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person +living could make report of having obtained any information on any +subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be +ruined for ever. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +Scythrop grew every day more reserved, mysterious, and distrait; and +gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his +tower. Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest +symptoms of a warm love cooling. + +It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning, +and, on these occasions, if she was silent in the hope of his speaking +first, not a syllable would he utter; if she spoke to him indirectly, +he assented monosyllabically; if she questioned him, his answers +were brief, constrained, and evasive. Still, though her spirits were +depressed, her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her, but that +it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey; and if, on +any occasion, she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or +returning passion, her love of tormenting her lover immediately got +the better both of her grief and her sympathy, though not of her +curiosity, which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy. This +playfulness, however, was in a great measure artificial, and usually +vanished with the irritable Strephon, to whose annoyance it had been +exerted. The Genius Loci, the _tutela_ of Nightmare Abbey, the +spirit of black melancholy, began to set his seal on her pallescent +countenance. Scythrop perceived the change, found his tender +sympathies awakened, and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted +damsel, assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded +from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful +scheme for the regeneration of human society. Marionetta called him +ungrateful, cruel, cold-hearted, and accompanied her reproaches with +many sobs and tears; poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft +and submissive--till, at length, he threw himself at her feet, and +declared that no competition of beauty, however dazzling, genius, +however transcendent, talents, however cultivated, or philosophy, +however enlightened, should ever make him renounce his divine +Marionetta. + +'Competition!' thought Marionetta, and suddenly, with an air of the +most freezing indifference, she said, 'You are perfectly at liberty, +sir, to do as you please; I beg you will follow your own plans, +without any reference to me.' + +Scythrop was confounded. What was become of all her passion and her +tears? Still kneeling, he kissed her hand with rueful timidity, and +said, in most pathetic accents, 'Do you not love me, Marionetta?' + +'No,' said Marionetta, with a look of cold composure: 'No.' Scythrop +still looked up incredulously. 'No, I tell you.' + +'Oh! very well, madam,' said Scythrop, rising, 'if that is the case, +there are those in the world--' + +'To be sure there are, sir;--and do you suppose I do not see through +your designs, you ungenerous monster?' + +'My designs? Marionetta!' + +'Yes, your designs, Scythrop. You have come here to cast me off, and +artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing, and not yours, +thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem. +But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me: do not +suppose it: you are of no consequence to me at all--none at all: +therefore, leave me: I renounce you: leave me; why do you not leave +me?' + +Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate, but without success. She +reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her, till, in the +simplicity of his spirit, he was preparing to comply. When he had +nearly reached the door, Marionetta said, 'Farewell.' Scythrop looked +back. 'Farewell, Scythrop,' she repeated, 'you will never see me +again.' + +'Never see you again, Marionetta?' + +'I shall go from hence to-morrow, perhaps to-day; and before we meet +again, one of us will be married, and we might as well be dead, you +know, Scythrop.' + +The sudden change of her voice in the last few words, and the burst +of tears that accompanied them, acted like electricity on the +tender-hearted youth; and, in another instant, a complete +reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words. + +There are, indeed, some learned casuists, who maintain that love has +no language, and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of +lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to +which words are inapplicable; that love, beginning with looks, that +is to say, with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental +dispositions, tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols +of affection, to that consummation which is most devoutly to be +wished; and that it neither is necessary that there should be, nor +probable that there would be, a single word spoken from first to +last between two sympathetic spirits, were it not that the arbitrary +institutions of society have raised, at every step of this very simple +process, so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape +of settlements and ceremonies, parents and guardians, lawyers, +Jew-brokers, and parsons, that many an adventurous knight (who, in +order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit, is obliged to +fight his way through all these monsters), is either repulsed at the +onset, or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise: and +such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary +through all the stages of the progression, that the tender and +volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of +the [Greek: epea pteroenta], or _winged words_ which are pressed into +his service in despite of himself. + +At this conjuncture, Mr Glowry entered, and sitting down near them, +said, 'I see how it is; and, as we are all sure to be miserable do +what we may, there is no need of taking pains to make one another more +so; therefore, with God's blessing and mine, there'--joining their +hands as he spoke. + +Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step; but he could +only stammer out, 'Really, sir, you are too good;' and Mr Glowry +departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act. + +Now, whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language, +of which we have so recently spoken, certain it is, that during Mr +Glowry's absence, which lasted half an hour, not a single word was +said by either Scythrop or Marionetta. + +Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary, who was delighted at the prospect +of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece, of whom he +considered himself in some manner the guardian, and nothing remained, +as Mr Glowry observed, but to fix the day. + +Marionetta blushed, and was silent. Scythrop was also silent for a +time, and at length hesitatingly said, 'My deal sir, your goodness +overpowers me; but really you are so precipitate.' + +Now, this remark, if the young lady had made it, would, whether she +thought it or not--for sincerity is a thing of no account on these +occasions, nor indeed on any other, according to Mr Flosky--this +remark, if the young lady had made it, would have been perfectly +_comme il faut_; but, being made by the young gentleman, it was _toute +autre chose_, and was, indeed, in the eyes of his mistress, a most +heinous and irremissible offence. Marionetta was angry, very angry, +but she concealed her anger, and said, calmly and coldly, 'Certainly, +you are much too precipitate, Mr Glowry. I assure you, sir, I have +by no means made up my mind; and, indeed, as far as I know it, it +inclines the other way; but it will be quite time enough to think of +these matters seven years hence. Before surprise permitted reply, the +young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment. + +'Why, Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry, elongating his face exceedingly, 'the +devil is come among us sure enough, as Mr Toobad observes: I thought +you and Marionetta were both of a mind.' + +'So we are, I believe, sir,' said Scythrop, gloomily, and stalked away +to his tower. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Hilary, 'I do not very well understand all this.' + +'Whims, brother Hilary,' said Mr Glowry; 'some little foolish love +quarrel, nothing more. Whims, freaks, April showers. They will be +blown over by to-morrow.' + +'If not,' said Mr Hilary, 'these April showers have made us April +fools.' + +'Ah!' said Mr Glowry, 'you are a happy man, and in all your +afflictions you can console yourself with a joke, let it be ever so +bad, provided you crack it yourself. I should be very happy to laugh +with you, if it would give you any satisfaction; but, really, at +present, my heart is so sad, that I find it impossible to levy a +contribution on my muscles.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female +figure on the sea-shore, which he had translated into the visual sign +of his interior cognition of a mermaid, Scythrop, retiring to his +tower, found his study preoccupied. A stranger, muffled in a cloak, +was sitting at his table. Scythrop paused in surprise. The stranger +rose at his entrance, and looked at him intently a few minutes, in +silence. The eyes of the stranger alone were visible. All the rest +of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak, +which was raised, by the right hand, to the level of the eyes. This +scrutiny being completed, the stranger, dropping the cloak, said, 'I +see, by your physiognomy, that you may be trusted;' and revealed to +the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling +grace and beauty, with long flowing hair of raven blackness, and +large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy, which strikingly +contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness. Her dress was +extremely elegant, but had an appearance of foreign fashion, as if +both the lady and her mantua-maker were of 'a far countree.' + + 'I guess 'twas frightful there to see + A lady so richly clad as she, + Beautiful exceedingly.' + +For, if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree +at midnight, it must, _à fortiori_, be much more terrible to a young +gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour. If the +logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my +readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more +ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on +the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, +Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action. + +Scythrop, therefore, either was or ought to have been frightened; at +all events, he was astonished; and astonishment, though not in itself +fear, is nevertheless a good stage towards it, and is, indeed, as it +were, the half-way house between respect and terror, according to Mr +Burke's graduated scale of the sublime.[7] + +'You are surprised,' said the lady; 'yet why should you be surprised? +If you had met me in a drawing-room, and I had been introduced to +you by an old woman, it would have been a matter of course: can the +division of two or three walls, and the absence of an unimportant +personage, make the same object essentially different in the +perception of a philosopher?' + +'Certainly not,' said Scythrop; 'but when any class of objects +has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable +conjunction with particular relations, then, on the sudden appearance +of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments, the +essential difference of the relation is, by an involuntary process, +transferred to the object itself, which thus offers itself to our +perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty.' + +'You are a philosopher,' said the lady, 'and a lover of liberty. You +are the author of a treatise, called "Philosophical Gas; or, a Project +for a General Illumination of the Human Mind."' + +'I am,' said Scythrop, delighted at this first blossom of his renown. + +'I am a stranger in this country,' said the lady; 'I have been but a +few days in it, yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of +seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution. I had no friend to whom +I could apply; and, in the midst of my difficulties, accident threw +your pamphlet in my way. I saw that I had, at least, one kindred mind +in this nation, and determined to apply to you.' + +'And what would you have me do?' said Scythrop, more and more amazed, +and not a little perplexed. + +'I would have you,' said the young lady, 'assist me in finding some +place of retreat, where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable +search that is being made for me. I have been so nearly caught once or +twice already, that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity.' + +Doubtless, thought Scythrop, this is one of my golden candle-sticks. +'I have constructed,' said he, 'in this tower, an entrance to a small +suite of unknown apartments in the main building, which I defy any +creature living to detect. If you would like to remain there a day or +two, till I can find you a more suitable concealment, you may rely on +the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch.' + +'I rely on myself,' said the lady. 'I act as I please, go where I +please, and let the world say what it will. I am rich enough to set +it at defiance. It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble, but the +slave of those who are above the reach of its injury.' + +Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair _protégée_. 'What +is a name?' said the lady: 'any name will serve the purpose of +distinction. Call me Stella. I see by your looks,' she added, 'that +you think all this very strange. When you know me better, your +surprise will cease. I submit not to be an accomplice in my sex's +slavery. I am, like yourself, a lover of freedom, and I carry my +theory into practice. _They alone are subject to blind authority who +have no reliance on their own strength_.' + +Stella took possession of the recondite apartments. Scythrop intended +to find her another asylum; but from day to day he postponed his +intention, and by degrees forgot it. The young lady reminded him of +it from day to day, till she also forgot it. Scythrop was anxious to +learn her history; but she would add nothing to what she had already +communicated, that she was shunning an atrocious persecution. Scythrop +thought of Lord C. and the Alien Act, and said, 'As you will not +tell your name, I suppose it is in the green bag.' Stella, not +understanding what he meant, was silent; and Scythrop, translating +silence into acquiescence, concluded that he was sheltering an +_illuminée_ whom Lord S. suspected of an intention to take the +Tower, and set fire to the Bank: exploits, at least, as likely to be +accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty, as by a drunken +cobbler and doctor, armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking. + +Stella, in her conversations with Scythrop, displayed a highly +cultivated and energetic mind, full of impassioned schemes of liberty, +and impatience of masculine usurpation. She had a lively sense of all +the oppressions that are done under the sun; and the vivid pictures +which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of +injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every +part of the inhabited world, gave an habitual seriousness to her +physiognomy, that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on +her lips. She was intimately conversant with the German language and +literature; and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of +her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe, and to her encomiums +on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt, the immortal founder of the sect +of the Illuminati. Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity +of love than the image of Marionetta had filled. The form of Stella +took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity, and by degrees +displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel; +though the latter still held possession of the _keep_. He judged, from +his new friend calling herself Stella, that, if it were not her real +name, she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from +which she had taken it, and took an opportunity of leading the +conversation to that subject; but to his great surprise, the lady +spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love, and +declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible; that it +might be transferred, but could not be participated. 'If I ever love,' +said she, 'I shall do so without limit or restriction. I shall hold +all difficulties light, all sacrifices cheap, all obstacles gossamer. +But for love so total, I shall claim a return as absolute. I will have +no rival: whether more or less favoured will be of little moment. I +will be neither first nor second--I will be alone. The heart which I +shall possess I will possess entirely, or entirely renounce.' + +Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta; he trembled +lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella, though he +scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate, and lived in the +double fever of a perpetual dilemma. He could not dissemble to himself +that he was in love, at the same time, with two damsels of minds and +habits as remote as the antipodes. The scale of predilection always +inclined to the fair one who happened to be present; but the absent +was never effectually outweighed, though the degrees of exaltation and +depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward +and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective +charmers. Passing and repassing several times a day from the company +of the one to that of the other, he was like a shuttlecock between two +battledores, changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of +a pendulum, receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive +heart, and flying from point to point on the feathers of a +super-sublimated head. This was an awful state of things. He had +now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or +transcendental romancer could desire. He had his esoterical and his +exoterical love. He could not endure the thought of losing either of +them, but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal +discovery might deprive him of both. The old proverb concerning two +strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort; but that concerning +two stools occurred to him more frequently, and covered his forehead +with a cold perspiration. With Stella, he could indulge freely in all +his romantic and philosophical visions. He could build castles in the +air, and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices. +With Marionetta it was otherwise: she knew nothing of the world and +society beyond the sphere of her own experience. Her life was all +music and sunshine, and she wondered what any one could see to +complain of in such a pleasant state of things. She loved Scythrop, +she hardly knew why; indeed she was not always sure that she loved him +at all: she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio +to his. When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love, +she often felt and always assumed indifference: if she found that her +coldness was contagious, and that Scythrop either was, or pretended to +be, as indifferent as herself, she would become doubly kind, and raise +him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him +down. Thus, when his love was flowing, hers was ebbing: when his was +ebbing, hers was flowing. Now and then there were moments of level +tide, when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable +harmony; but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing +illusion, before the pinnace of the lover's affections was caught in +some eddy of the lady's caprice, and he was whirled away from the +shore of his hopes, without rudder or compass, into an ocean of mists +and storms. It resulted, from this system of conduct, that all that +passed between Scythrop and Marionetta, consisted in making and +unmaking love. He had no opportunity to take measure of her +understanding by conversations on general subjects, and on his +favourite designs; and, being left in this respect to the exercise of +indefinite conjecture, he took it for granted, as most lovers would do +in similar circumstances, that she had great natural talents, which +she wasted at present on trifles: but coquetry would end with +marriage, and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her +mind. Stella had no coquetry, no disguise: she was an enthusiast in +subjects of general interest; and her conduct to Scythrop was always +uniform, or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which +seemed fast ripening into love. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Scythrop, attending one day the summons to dinner, found in the +drawing-room his friend Mr Cypress the poet, whom he had known at +college, and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry. Mr Cypress said, +he was on the point of leaving England, but could not think of doing +so without a farewell-look at Nightmare Abbey and his respected +friends, the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop, the +sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless; to all of whom, and +the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were +then assembled, he assured them he should always look back with as +much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing. The +sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by +Raven's announcement of 'dinner on table.' + +The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation, and +the ladies were withdrawn, we shall report with our usual scrupulous +fidelity. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You are leaving England, Mr Cypress. There is a delightful melancholy +in saying farewell to an old acquaintance, when the chances are twenty +to one against ever meeting again. A smiling bumper to a sad parting, +and let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR CYPRESS (_filling a bumper_) + +This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never +unlearns. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX (_filling_) + +It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee +retains. + + +MR FLOSKY (_filling_) + +It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise. + + +SCYTHROP (_filling_) + +It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS (_filling_) + +It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking. + + +MR ASTERIAS (_filling_) + +It is the only key of conversational truth. + + +MR TOOBAD (_filling_) + +It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil. + + +MR HILARY (_filling_) + +It is the only symbol of perfect life. The inscription 'HIC NON +BIBITUR' will suit nothing but a tombstone. + + +MR GLOWRY + +You will see many fine old ruins, Mr Cypress; crumbling pillars, and +mossy walls--many a one-legged Venus and headless Minerva--many a +Neptune buried in sand--many a Jupiter turned topsy-turvy--many a +perforated Bacchus doing duty as a water-pipe--many reminiscences of +the ancient world, which I hope was better worth living in than the +modern; though, for myself, I care not a straw more for one than the +other, and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either +could show. + + +MR CYPRESS + +It is something to seek, Mr Glowry. The mind is restless, and must +persist in seeking, though to find is to be disappointed. Do you feel +no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero? No wish +to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed +for ever? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Not a grain. + + +SCYTHROP + +It is, indeed, much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried +form of his mistress, and gaze upon relics which are any thing but +herself, to wander among a few mouldy ruins, that are only imperfect +indexes to lost volumes of glory, and meet at every step the more +melancholy ruins of human nature--a degenerate race of stupid and +shrivelled slaves, grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and +superstition. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +It is the fashion to go abroad. I have thought of it myself, but am +hardly equal to the exertion. To be sure, a little eccentricity and +originality are allowable in some cases; and the most eccentric and +original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home. + + +SCYTHROP + +I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope +of regeneration. There is great hope of our own; and it seems to me +that an Englishman, who, either by his station in society, or by his +genius, or (as in your instance, Mr Cypress,) by both, has the power +of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its +domestic enemies, yet forsakes his country, which is still so rich +in hope, to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of +memory, does what none of those ancients, whose fragmentary memorials +you venerate, would have done in similar circumstances. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with +his wife is absolved from all duty to his country. I have written an +ode to tell the people as much, and they may take it as they list. + + +SCYTHROP + +Do you suppose, if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife, he would have +given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his +enterprise? Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse? + + +MR FLOSKY + +Brutus was a senator; so is our dear friend: but the cases are +different. Brutus had some hope of political good: Mr Cypress has +none. How should he, after what we have seen in France? + + +SCYTHROP + +A Frenchman is born in harness, ready saddled, bitted, and bridled, +for any tyrant to ride. He will fawn under his rider one moment, and +throw him and kick him to death the next; but another adventurer +springs on his back, and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as +before. We may, without much vanity, hope better of ourselves. + + +MR CYPRESS + +I have no hope for myself or for others. Our life is a false nature; +it is not in the harmony of things; it is an all-blasting upas, +whose root is earth, and whose leaves are the skies which rain their +poison-dews upon mankind. We wither from our youth; we gasp with +unslaked thirst for unattainable good; lured from the first to the +last by phantoms--love, fame, ambition, avarice--all idle, and all +ill--one meteor of many names, that vanishes in the smoke of death.[8] + + +MR FLOSKY + +A most delightful speech, Mr Cypress. A most amiable and instructive +philosophy. You have only to impress its truth on the minds of +all living men, and life will then, indeed, be the desert and the +solitude; and I must do you, myself, and our mutual friends, the +justice to observe, that let society only give fair play at one and +the same time, as I flatter myself it is inclined to do, to your +system of morals, and my system of metaphysics, and Scythrop's system +of politics, and Mr Listless's system of manners, and Mr Toobad's +system of religion, and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as +even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see; in the +prospect of which I rejoice. + + +MR HILARY + +'Certainly, ancient, it is not a thing to rejoice at:' I am one +of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this +mystifying and blue-devilling of society. The contrast it presents +to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to +strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature. To +represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius, +is as mischievous as it is false, and the feeling is as unclassical as +the language in which it is usually expressed. + + +MR TOOBAD + +It is our calamity. The devil has come among us, and has begun by +taking possession of all the cleverest fellows. Yet, forsooth, this is +the enlightened age. Marry, how? Did our ancestors go peeping about +with dark lanterns, and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine? +Where is the manifestation of our light? By what symptoms do you +recognise it? What are its signs, its tokens, its symptoms, its +symbols, its categories, its conditions? What is it, and why? How, +where, when is it to be seen, felt, and understood? What do we see by +it which our ancestors saw not, and which at the same time is worth +seeing? We see a hundred men hanged, where they saw one. We see five +hundred transported, where they saw one. We see five thousand in the +workhouse, where they saw one. We see scores of Bible Societies, where +they saw none. We see paper, where they saw gold. We see men in stays, +where they saw men in armour. We see painted faces, where they saw +healthy ones. We see children perishing in manufactories, where they +saw them flourishing in the fields. We see prisons, where they saw +castles. We see masters, where they saw representatives. In short, +they saw true men, where we see false knaves. They saw Milton, and we +see Mr Sackbut. + + +MR FLOSKY + +The false knave, sir, is my honest friend; therefore, I beseech you, +let him be countenanced. God forbid but a knave should have some +countenance at his friend's request. + + +MR TOOBAD + +'Good men and true' was their common term, like the chalos chagathos +of the Athenians. It is so long since men have been either good or +true, that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete, the fact or +the phraseology. + + +MR CYPRESS + +There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea. Love sows the +wind and reaps the whirlwind.[9] Confusion, thrice confounded, is the +portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of +reeds--the affection of a human being. The sum of our social destiny +is to inflict or to endure.[10] + + +MR HILARY + +Rather to bear and forbear, Mr Cypress--a maxim which you perhaps +despise. Ideal beauty is not the mind's creation: it is real beauty, +refined and purified in the mind's alembic, from the alloy which +always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature. +But still the gold exists in a very ample degree. To expect too +much is a disease in the expectant, for which human nature is not +responsible; and, in the common name of humanity, I protest against +these false and mischievous ravings. To rail against humanity for not +being abstract perfection, and against human love for not realising +all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry, is to rail at the +summer for not being all sunshine, and at the rose for not being +always in bloom. + + +MR CYPRESS + +Human love! Love is not an inhabitant of the earth. We worship him as +the Athenians did their unknown God: but broken hearts are the martyrs +of his faith, and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy +paints, and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty, +among flowers whose odours are agonies, and trees whose gums are +poison.[11] + + +MR HILARY + +You talk like a Rosicrucian, who will love nothing but a sylph, who +does not believe in the existence of a sylph, and who yet quarrels +with the whole universe for not containing a sylph. + + +MR CYPRESS + +The mind is diseased of its own beauty, and fevers into false +creation. The forms which the sculptor's soul has seized exist only in +himself.[12] + + +MR FLOSKY + +Permit me to discept. They are the mediums of common forms combined +and arranged into a common standard. The ideal beauty of the Helen of +Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of +Crotona. + + +MR HILARY + +But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water, and, like the dog in +the fable, to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow, is +scarcely the characteristic of wisdom, whatever it may be of genius. +To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is, to preserve and +improve all that is good, and destroy or alleviate all that is evil, +in physical and moral nature--have been the hope and aim of the +greatest teachers and ornaments of our species. I will say, too, +that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably +accompanied with cheerfulness. We have sufficient proofs on record +that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions. But +now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a +conspiracy against cheerfulness. + + +MR TOOBAD + +How can we be cheerful with the devil among us! + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered? + + +MR FLOSKY + +How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a _reading public_, +that is growing too wise for its betters? + + +SCYTHROP + +How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed +every moment by our little particular passions? + + +MR CYPRESS + +How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair? + + +MR GLOWRY + +Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Let us sing a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +No: a nice tragical ballad. The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the +Hundredth Psalm. + + +MR HILARY + +I say a catch. + + +MR GLOWRY + +I say no. A song from Mr Cypress. + + +ALL + +A song from Mr Cypress. + + +MR CYPRESS _sung_-- + + There is a fever of the spirit, + The brand of Cain's unresting doom, + Which in the lone dark souls that bear it + Glows like the lamp in Tullia's tomb: + Unlike that lamp, its subtle fire + Burns, blasts, consumes its cell, the heart, + Till, one by one, hope, joy, desire, + Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart. + + When hope, love, life itself, are only + Dust--spectral memories--dead and cold-- + The unfed fire burns bright and lonely, + Like that undying lamp of old: + And by that drear illumination, + Till time its clay-built home has rent, + Thought broods on feeling's desolation-- + The soul is its own monument. + + +MR GLOWRY + +Admirable. Let us all be unhappy together. + + +MR HILARY + +Now, I say again, a catch. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I am for you. + + +ME HILARY + +'Seamen three.' + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Agreed. I'll be Harry Gill, with the voice of three. Begin + + +MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + + Seamen three! I What men be ye? + Gotham's three wise men we be. + Whither in your bowl so free? + To rake the moon from out the sea. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + Who art thou, so fast adrift? + I am he they call Old Care. + Here on board we will thee lift. + No: I may not enter there. + Wherefore so? 'Tis Jove's decree, + In a bowl Care may not be; + In a bowl Care may not be. + + Pear ye not the waves that roll? + No: in charmed bowl we swim. + What the charm that floats the bowl? + Water may not pass the brim. + The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine. + And our ballast is old wine; + And your ballast is old wine. + + +This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr +Hilary, and the deep tri-une voice of the reverend gentleman, that the +whole party, in spite of themselves, caught the contagion, and joined +in chorus at the conclusion, each raising a bumper to his lips: + + The bowl goes trim: the moon doth shine: + And our ballast is old wine. + +Mr Cypress, having his ballast on board, stepped, the same evening, +into his bowl, or travelling chariot, and departed to rake seas and +rivers, lakes and canals, for the moon of ideal beauty. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless, on adjourning from +the bottle to the ladies, to retire for a few moments to make a second +toilette, that he might present himself in becoming taste. Fatout, +attending as usual, appeared with a countenance of great dismay, and +informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was +haunted. Mrs Hilary's _gentlewoman_, for whom Fatout had lately +conceived a _tendresse_, had been, as she expressed it, 'fritted out +of her seventeen senses' the preceding night, as she was retiring to +her bedchamber, by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along +one of the galleries, wrapped in a white shroud, with a bloody turban +on its head. She had fainted away with fear; and, when she +recovered, she found herself in the dark, and the figure was gone. +'_Sacre--cochon--bleu_!' exclaimed Fatout, giving very deliberate +emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath--'I vould not meet de +_revenant_, de ghost--_non_--not for all de _bowl-de-ponch_ in de +vorld.' + +'Fatout,' said the Honourable Mr Listless, 'did I ever see a ghost?' + +'_Jamais_, monsieur, never.' + +'Then I hope I never shall, for, in the present shattered state of my +nerves, I am afraid it would be too much for me. There--loosen the +lace of my stays a little, for really this plebeian practice of +eating--Not too loose--consider my shape. That will do. And I desire +that you bring me no more stories of ghosts; for, though I do not +believe in such things, yet, when one is awake in the night, one is +apt, if one thinks of them, to have fancies that give one a kind of a +chill, particularly if one opens one's eyes suddenly on one's dressing +gown, hanging in the moonlight, between the bed and the window.' + +The Honourable Mr Listless, though he had prohibited Fatout from +bringing him any more stories of ghosts, could not help thinking of +that which Fatout had already brought; and, as it was uppermost in his +mind, when he descended to the tea and coffee cups, and the rest of +the company in the library, he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky, +whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage, whether any story +of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one, was entitled to any +degree of belief? + + +MR FLOSKY + +By far the greater number, to a very great degree. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Really, that is very alarming! + + +MR FLOSKY + +_Sunt geminoe somni portoe_. There are two gates through which ghosts +find their way to the upper air: fraud and self-delusion. In the +latter case, a ghost is a _deceptio visûs_, an ocular spectrum, an +idea with the force of a sensation. I have seen many ghosts myself. I +dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +I am happy to say, I never have, for one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +We have such high authority for ghosts, that it is rank scepticism to +disbelieve them. Job saw a ghost, which came for the express purpose +of asking a question, and did not wait for an answer. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +Because Job was too frightened to give one. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which +Moses covered Egypt. The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel. +Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor. An evil spirit was sent into +the army of Sennacherib, and exterminated it in a single night. + + +MR TOOBAD + +Saying, The devil is come among you, having great wrath. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Saint Macarius interrogated a skull, which was found in the desert, +and made it relate, in presence of several witnesses, what was going +forward in hell. Saint Martin of Tours, being jealous of a pretended +martyr, who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood, called up his +ghost, and made him confess that he was damned. Saint Germain, being +on his travels, turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts, who had +every night taken possession of the _table d'hôte_, and consumed a +copious supper. + + +MR HILARY + +Jolly ghosts, and no doubt all friars. A similar party took possession +of the cellar of M. Swebach, the painter, in Paris, drank his wine, +and threw the empty bottles at his head. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +An atrocious act. + + +MR FLOSKY + +Pausanias relates, that the neighing of horses and the tumult of +combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon: that those +who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their +curiosity; but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity. + + +THE REVEREND MR LARYNX + +I once saw a ghost myself, in my study, which is the last place where +any one but a ghost would look for me. I had not been into it for +three months, and was going to consult Tillotson, when, on opening the +door, I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown, sitting in +my arm-chair, and reading my Jeremy Taylor. It vanished in a moment, +and so did I; and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able +to ascertain. + + +MR FLOSKY + +It was an idea with the force of a sensation. It is seldom that ghosts +appeal to two senses at once; but, when I was in Devonshire, the +following story was well attested to me. A young woman, whose lover +was at sea, returning one evening over some solitary fields, saw +her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass. Her first +emotions were surprise and joy, but there was a paleness and +seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm. She +advanced towards him, and he said to her, in a solemn voice, 'The eye +that hath seen me shall see me no more. Thine eye is upon me, but I am +not.' And with these words he vanished; and on that very day and hour, +as it afterwards appeared, he had perished by shipwreck. + +The whole party now drew round in a circle, and each related some +ghostly anecdote, heedless of the flight of time, till, in a pause of +the conversation, they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding +twelve. + + +MR HILARY + +All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles. +It is more easy for a soldier, a philosopher, or even a saint, to be +frightened at his own shadow, than for a dead man to come out of his +grave. Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force +of imagination. Persons of feeble, nervous, melancholy temperament, +exhausted by fever, by labour, or by spare diet, will readily conjure +up, in the magic ring of their own phantasy, spectres, gorgons, +chimaeras, and all the objects of their hatred and their love. We +are most of us like Don Quixote, to whom a windmill was a giant, and +Dulcinea a magnificent princess: all more or less the dupes of our own +imagination, though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts, or to +fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots. + + +MR FLOSKY + +I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in +their external existence. I have seen all kinds of ghosts: black +spirits and white, red spirits and grey. Some in the shapes of +venerable old men, who have met me in my rambles at noon; some +of beautiful young women, who have peeped through my curtains at +midnight. + + +THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS + +And have proved, I doubt not, 'palpable to feeling as to sight.' + + +MR FLOSKY + +By no means, sir. You reflect upon my purity. Myself and my friends, +particularly my friend Mr Sackbut, are famous for our purity. No, sir, +genuine untangible ghosts. I live in a world of ghosts. I see a ghost +at this moment. + + +Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library. +The company looked in the same direction. The door silently opened, +and a ghastly figure, shrouded in white drapery, with the semblance +of a bloody turban on its head, entered and stalked slowly up the +apartment. Mr Flosky, familiar as he was with ghosts, was not prepared +for this apparition, and made the best of his way out at the opposite +door. Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed, screaming. The Honourable Mr +Listless, by two turns of his body, rolled first off the sofa and +then under it. The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much +precipitation, that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry. +Mr Glowry roared with pain hi the ear of Mr Toobad. Mr Toobad's alarm +so bewildered his senses, that, missing the door, he threw up one of +the windows, jumped out in his panic, and plunged over head and ears +in the moat. Mr Asterias and his son, who were on the watch for their +mermaid, were attracted by the splashing, threw a net over him, and +dragged him to land. + +Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance, and, +on arriving at the edge of the moat, followed by several servants with +ropes and torches, found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring +to extricate Mr Toobad from the net, who was entangled in the meshes, +and floundering with rage. Scythrop was lost in amazement; but Mr +Hilary saw, at one view, all the circumstances of the adventure, and +burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; on recovering from which, he +said to Mr Asterias, 'You have caught an odd fish, indeed.' Mr Toobad +was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry; but Mr Hilary +softened his anger, by producing a knife, and cutting the Gordian knot +of his reticular envelopment. 'You see,' said Mr Toobad, 'you see, +gentlemen, in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present +dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world; and I have no +doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in +disguise, sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this +complication of misadventures. The devil is come among you, having +great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.' + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Mr Glowry was much surprised, on occasionally visiting Scythrop's +tower, to find the door always locked, and to be kept sometimes +waiting many minutes for admission: during which he invariably heard a +heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle, or of a waggon on +a weighing-bridge, or of theatrical thunder. + +He took little notice of this for some time; at length his curiosity +was excited, and, one day, instead of knocking at the door, as usual, +the instant he reached it, he applied his ear to the key-hole, and +like Bottom, in the Midsummer Night's Dream, 'spied a voice,' which he +guessed to be of the feminine gender, and knew to be not Scythrop's, +whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals. Having attempted in +vain to catch a syllable of the discourse, he knocked violently at +the door, and roared for immediate admission. The voices ceased, the +accustomed rolling sound was heard, the door opened, and Scythrop +was discovered alone. Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the +apartment, and then said, 'Where is the lady?' + +'The lady, sir?' said Scythrop. + +'Yes, sir, the lady.' + +'Sir, I do not understand you.' + +'You don't, sir?' + +'No, indeed, sir. There is no lady here.' + +'But, sir, this is not the only apartment in the tower, and I make no +doubt there is a lady up stairs.' + +'You are welcome to search, sir.' + +'Yes, and while I am searching, she will slip out from some lurking +place, and make her escape.' + +'You may lock this door, sir, and take the key with you.' + +'But there is the terrace door: she has escaped by the terrace.' + +'The terrace, sir, has no other outlet, and the walls are too high for +a lady to jump down.' + +'Well, sir, give me the key.' + +Mr Glowry took the key, searched every nook of the tower, and +returned. + +'You are a fox, Scythrop; you are an exceedingly cunning fox, with +that demure visage of yours. What was that lumbering sound I heard +before you opened the door?' + +'Sound, sir?' + +'Yes, sir, sound.' + +'My dear sir, I am not aware of any sound, except my great table, +which I moved on rising to let you in.' + +'The table!--let me see that. No, sir; not a tenth part heavy enough, +not a tenth part.' + +'But, sir, you do not consider the laws of acoustics: a whisper +becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation. Allow me to +explain this: sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from +them, and, after reflection, converge to points which are the foci of +these surfaces. It follows, therefore, that the ear may be so placed +in one, as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer +to the point of the first impulse: again, in the case of two concave +surfaces placed opposite to each other--' + +'Nonsense, sir. Don't tell me of foci. Pray, sir, will concave +surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks? I heard two voices, +and one was feminine; feminine, sir: what say you to that?' + +'Oh, sir, I perceive your mistake: I am writing a tragedy, and was +acting over a scene to myself. To convince you, I will give you a +specimen; but you must first understand the plot. It is a tragedy on +the German model. The Great Mogul is in exile, and has taken lodgings +at Kensington, with his only daughter, the Princess Rantrorina, +who takes in needlework, and keeps a day school. _The princess is +discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish: they +are to be marked with a large R. Enter to her the Great Mogul. A +pause, during which they look at each other expressively. The +princess changes colour several times. The Mogul takes snuff in great +agitation. Several grains are heard to fall on the stage. His heart is +seen to beat through his upper benjamin._--THE MOGUL _(with a mournful +look at his left shoe_). 'My shoe-string is broken.'--THE PRINCESS +(_after an interval of melancholy reflection_). 'I know it.' THE +MOGUL. 'My second shoe-string! The first broke when I lost my empire: +the second has broken to-day. When will my poor heart break?'--THE +PRINCESS. 'Shoe-strings, hearts, and empires! Mysterious sympathy!' + +'Nonsense, sir,' interrupted Mr Glowry. 'That is not at all like the +voice I heard.' + +'But, sir,' said Scythrop, 'a key-hole may be so constructed as to act +like an acoustic tube, and an acoustic tube, sir, will modify sound in +a very remarkable manner. Consider the construction of the ear, and +the nature and causes of sound. The external part of the ear is a +cartilaginous funnel.' + +'It wo'n't do, Scythrop. There is a girl concealed in this tower, and +find her I will. There are such things as sliding panels and secret +closets.'--He sounded round the room with his cane, but detected +no hollowness.--'I have heard, sir,' he continued, 'that during my +absence, two years ago, you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you +day after day. I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for +carrying on secret intrigues. Young men will have their way: I had my +way when I was a young man: but, sir, when your cousin Marionetta--' + +Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious. To have clapped +his hand upon his father's mouth, to have entreated him to be silent, +would, in the first place, not have made him so; and, in the second, +would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody. His only +resource, therefore, was to try to drown Mr Glowry's voice; and, +having no other subject, he continued his description of the ear, +raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his. + +'When your cousin Marionetta,' said Mr Glowry, 'whom you profess to +love--whom you profess to love, sir--' + +'The internal canal of the ear,' said Scythrop, 'is partly bony and +partly cartilaginous. This internal canal is--' + +'Is actually in the house, sir; and, when you are so shortly to be--as +I expect--' + +'Closed at the further end by the _membrana tympani_--' + +'Joined together in holy matrimony--' + +'Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves--' + +'I say, sir, when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin +Marionetta--' + +'The _cavitas tympani_--' + +A loud noise was heard behind the book-case, which, to the +astonishment of Mr Glowry, opened in the middle, and the massy +compartments, with all their weight of books, receding from each other +in the manner of a theatrical scene, with a heavy rolling sound (which +Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his +curiosity,) disclosed an interior apartment, in the entrance of +which stood the beautiful Stella, who, stepping forward, exclaimed, +'Married! Is he going to be married? The profligate!' + +'Really, madam,' said Mr Glowry, 'I do not know what he is going to +do, or what I am going to do, or what any one is going to do; for all +this is incomprehensible.' + +'I can explain it all,' said Scythrop, 'in a most satisfactory manner, +if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone.' + +'Pray, sir, to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this +incident belong?' + +'I entreat you, my dear sir, leave us alone.' + +Stella threw herself into a chair, and burst into a tempest of tears. +Scythrop sat down by her, and took her hand. She snatched her hand +away, and turned her back upon him. He rose, sat down on the other +side, and took her other hand. She snatched it away, and turned from +him again. Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them +alone; but the old gentleman was obstinate, and would not go. + +'I suppose, after all,' said Mr Glowry maliciously, 'it is only a +phænomenon in acoustics, and this young lady is a reflection of sound +from concave surfaces.' + +Some one tapped at the door: Mr Glowry opened it, and Mr Hilary +entered. He had been seeking Mr Glowry, and had traced him to +Scythrop's tower. He stood a few moments in silent surprise, and then +addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation. + +'The explanation,' said Mr Glowry, 'is very satisfactory. The Great +Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington, and the external part of the +ear is a cartilaginous funnel.' + +'Mr Glowry, that is no explanation.' + +'Mr Hilary, it is all I know about the matter.' + +'Sir, this pleasantry is very unseasonable. I perceive that my niece +is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner, and I shall see if she +will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer.' And he +departed in search of Marionetta. + +Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament. Mr Hilary made a hue and +cry in the abbey, and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrop's +apartment. The ladies, not knowing what was the matter, hastened in +great consternation. Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor, +and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath +in some new shape, followed from pure curiosity. + +Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and +to pacify Stella. The latter attempted to escape from the tower, +declaring she would leave the abbey immediately, and he should never +see her or hear of her more. Scythrop held her hand and detained her +by force, till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta. +Marionetta, seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty, +fainted away in the arms of her aunt. Scythrop flew to her assistance; +and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door, but was +intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr +Toobad, who exclaimed--'Celinda!' + +'Papa!' said the young lady disconsolately. + +'The devil is come among you,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter +here?' + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Mr Glowry. + +'Your daughter!' exclaimed Scythrop, and Mr and Mrs Hilary. + +'Yes,' said Mr Toobad, 'my daughter Celinda.' + +Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda; Celinda in +return fixed hers on Marionetta. They were at remote points of the +apartment. Scythrop was equidistant from both of them, central and +motionless, like Mahomet's coffin. + +'Mr Glowry,' said Mr Toobad, 'can you tell by what means my daughter +came here?' + +'I know no more,' said Mr Glowry, 'than the Great Mogul.' + +'Mr Scythrop,' said Mr Toobad, 'how came my daughter here?' + +'I did not know, sir, that the lady was your daughter.' + +'But how came she here?' + +'By spontaneous locomotion,' said Scythrop, sullenly. + +'Celinda,' said Mr Toobad, 'what does all this mean?' + +'I really do not know, sir.' + +'This is most unaccountable. When I told you in London that I had +chosen a husband for you, you thought proper to run away from him; and +now, to all appearance, you have run away to him.' + +'How, sir! was that your choice?' + +'Precisely; and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind, for the +first time in our lives.' + +'He is not my choice, sir. This lady has a prior claim: I renounce +him.' + +'And I renounce him,' said Marionetta. + +Scythrop knew not what to do. He could not attempt to conciliate the +one without irreparably offending the other; and he was so fond of +both, that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society +of either was intolerable to him: he therefore retreated into his +stronghold, mystery; maintained an impenetrable silence; and contented +himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the +objects of his idolatry. Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary, in the mean time, +were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry, who they thought +had been playing a double game on this occasion. Mr Glowry was +vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole +transaction. Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her +husband and brother. The Honourable Mr Listless, the Reverend Mr +Larynx, Mr Flosky, Mr Asterias, and Aquarius, were attracted by the +tumult to the scene of action, and were appealed to severally and +conjointly by the respective disputants. Multitudinous questions, and +answers _en masse_, composed a _charivari_, to which the genius of +Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment, and which +was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the +captive damsels. The whole party followed, with the exception of +Scythrop, who threw himself into his arm-chair, crossed his left +foot over his right knee, placed the hollow of his left hand on the +interior ancle of his left leg, rested his right elbow on the elbow +of the chair, placed the ball of his right thumb against his right +temple, curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead, +rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose, and +the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm, fixed his +eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand, and sat in +this position like the immoveable Theseus, who, as is well known to +many who have not been at college, and to some few who have, _sedet, +oeternumque sedebit_.[13] We hope the admirers of the _minutiæ_ in +poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a +pensive attitude. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce +that dinner was on table. + +'I cannot come,' said Scythrop. + +Raven sighed. 'Something is the matter,' said Raven: 'but man is born +to trouble.' + +'Leave me,' said Scythrop: 'go, and croak elsewhere.' + +'Thus it is,' said Raven. 'Five-and-twenty years have I lived in +Nightmare Abbey, and now all the reward of my affection is--Go, and +croak elsewhere. I have danced you on my knee, and fed you with +marrow.' + +'Good Raven,' said Scythrop, 'I entreat you to leave me.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' said Raven. 'A boiled fowl and +a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low +spirits. But you had better join the party: it is very much reduced +already.' + +'Reduced! how?' + +'The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with +family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get +neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his +nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow +walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a +sheet and a red nightcap.' + +'Well, sir?' + +'The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty, to marry or bury +(I don't know which) some unfortunate person or persons, at Claydyke: +but man is born to trouble!' + +'Is that all?' + +'No. Mr Toobad is gone too, and a strange lady with him.' + +'Gone!' + +'Gone. And Mr and Mrs Hilary, and Miss O'Carroll: they are all gone. +There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son, and they are going +to-night.' + +'Then I have lost them both.' + +'Won't you come to dinner?' + +'No.' + +'Shall I bring your dinner here?' + +'Yes.' + +'What will you have?' + +'A pint of port and a pistol.'[14] + +'A pistol!' + +'And a pint of port. I will make my exit like Werter. Go. Stay. Did +Miss O'Carroll say any thing?' + +'No.' + +'Did Miss Toobad say any thing?' + +'The strange lady? No.' + +'Did either of them cry?' + +'No.' + +'What did they do?' + +'Nothing.' + +'What did Mr Toobad say?' + +'He said, fifty times over, the devil was come among us.' + +'And they are gone?' + +'Yes; and the dinner is getting cold. There is a time for every +thing under the sun. You may as well dine first, and be miserable +afterwards.' + +'True, Raven. There is something in that. I will take your advice: +therefore, bring me----' + +'The port and the pistol?' + +'No; the boiled fowl and Madeira.' + +Scythrop had dined, and was sipping his Madeira alone, immersed in +melancholy musing, when Mr Glowry entered, followed by Raven, who, +having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry, +withdrew. Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop. After a pause, during +which each filled and drank in silence, Mr Glowry said, 'So, sir, +you have played your cards well. I proposed Miss Toobad to you: you +refused her. Mr Toobad proposed you to her: she refused you. You fell +in love with Marionetta, and were going to poison yourself, because, +from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests, I withheld my +consent. When, at length, I offered you my consent, you told me I was +too precipitate. And, after all, I find you and Miss Toobad living +together in the same tower, and behaving in every respect like two +plighted lovers. Now, sir, if there be any rational solution of all +this absurdity, I shall be very much obliged to you for a small +glimmering of information.' + +'The solution, sir, is of little moment; but I will leave it in +writing for your satisfaction. The crisis of my fate is come: the +world is a stage, and my direction is _exit._' + +'Do not talk so, sir;--do not talk so, Scythrop. What would you have?' + +'I would have my love.' + +'And pray, sir, who is your love?' + +'Celinda--Marionetta--either--both.' + +'Both! That may do very well in a German tragedy; and the Great Mogul +might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington; but +it will not do in Lincolnshire. Will you have Miss Toobad?' + +'Yes.' + +'And renounce Marionetta?' + +'No.' + +'But you must renounce one.' + +'I cannot.' + +'And you cannot have both. What is to be done?' + +'I must shoot myself.' + +'Don't talk so, Scythrop. Be rational, my dear Scythrop. Consider, and +make a cool, calm choice, and I will exert myself in your behalf.' + +'Why should I choose, sir? Both have renounced _me_: I have no hope of +either.' + +'Tell me which you will have, and I will plead your cause +irresistibly.' + +'Well, sir,--I will have--no, sir, I cannot renounce either. I +cannot choose either. I am doomed to be the victim of eternal +disappointments; and I have no resource but a pistol.' + +'Scythrop--Scythrop;--if one of them should come to you--what then?' + +'That, sir, might alter the case: but that cannot be.' + +'It can be, Scythrop; it will be: I promise you it will be. Have but a +little patience--but a week's patience; and it shall be.' + +'A week, sir, is an age: but, to oblige you, as a last act of +filial duty, I will live another week. It is now Thursday evening, +twenty-five minutes past seven. At this hour and minute, on Thursday +next, love and fate shall smile on me, or I will drink my last pint of +port in this world.' + +Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot, and departed from the abbey. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +The day after Mr Glowry's departure was one of incessant rain, and +Scythrop repented of the promise he had given. The next day was one of +bright sunshine: he sat on the terrace, read a tragedy of Sophocles, +and was not sorry, when Raven announced dinner, to find himself alive. +On the third evening, the wind blew, and the rain beat, and the owl +flapped against his windows; and he put a new flint in his pistol. On +the fourth day, the sun shone again; and he locked the pistol up in a +drawer, where he left it undisturbed, till the morning of the eventful +Thursday, when he ascended the turret with a telescope, and spied +anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke: but +nothing appeared on it. He watched in this manner from ten A.M. till +Raven summoned him to dinner at five; when he stationed Crow at the +telescope, and descended to his own funeral-feast. He left open the +communications between the tower and turret, and called aloud at +intervals to Crow,--'Crow, Crow, is any thing coming?' Crow answered, +'The wind blows, and the windmills turn, but I see nothing coming;' +and, at every answer, Scythrop found the necessity of raising his +spirits with a bumper. After dinner, he gave Raven his watch to set by +the abbey clock. Raven brought it, Scythrop placed it on the table, +and Raven departed. Scythrop called again to Crow; and Crow, who had +fallen asleep, answered mechanically, 'I see nothing coming.' Scythrop +laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle. The hour-hand passed +the VII.--the minute-hand moved on;--it was within three minutes of +the appointed time. Scythrop called again to Crow: Crow answered as +before. Scythrop rang the bell: Raven appeared. + +'Raven,' said Scythrop, 'the clock is too fast.' + +'No, indeed,' said Raven, who knew nothing of Scythrop's intentions; +'if any thing, it is too slow.' + +'Villain!' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol at him; 'it is too +fast.' + +'Yes--yes--too fast, I meant,' said Raven, in manifest fear. + +'How much too fast?' said Scythrop. + +'As much as you please,' said Raven. + +'How much, I say?' said Scythrop, pointing the pistol again. + +'An hour, a full hour, sir,' said the terrified butler. + +'Put back my watch,' said Scythrop. + +Raven, with trembling hand, was putting back the watch, when the +rattle of wheels was heard in the court; and Scythrop, springing down +the stairs by three steps together, was at the door in sufficient time +to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage, if she +had happened to be in it; but Mr Glowry was alone. + +'I rejoice to see you,' said Mr Glowry; 'I was fearful of being too +late, for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing +my promise; but all my endeavours have been vain, as these letters +will show.' + +Scythrop impatiently broke the seals. The contents were these: + + Almost a stranger in England, I fled from parental tyranny, + and the dread of an arbitrary marriage, to the protection of a + stranger and a philosopher, whom I expected to find something + better than, or at least something different from, the rest of his + worthless species. Could I, after what has occurred, have + expected nothing more from you than the common-place impertinence + of sending your father to treat with me, and with mine, for me? I + should be a little moved in your favour, if I could believe you + capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father + says you have taken, in the event of my proving inflexible; + though I doubt not you will execute them, as far as relates to + the pint of wine, twice over, at least. I wish you much happiness + with Miss O'Carroll. I shall always cherish a grateful + recollection of Nightmare Abbey, for having been the means of + introducing me to a true transcendentalist; and, though he is a + little older than myself, which is all one in Germany, I shall + very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself + + CELINDA FLOSKY + + I hope, my dear cousin, that you will not be angry with me, + but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend, who + will always feel interested in your welfare; I am sure you love + Miss Toobad much better than me, and I wish you much happiness + with her. Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill + themselves for love now-a-days, though it is still the fashion to + talk about it. I shall, in a very short time, change my name and + situation, and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley + Square, when, to the unalterable designation of your affectionate + cousin, I shall subjoin the signature of + + MARIONETTA LISTLESS + +Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms, and railed in good set terms +against the fickleness of women. + +'Calm yourself, my dear Scythrop,' said Mr Glowry; 'there are yet +maidens in England.' + +'Very true, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And the next time,' said Mr Glowry, 'have but one string to your +bow.' + +'Very good advice, sir,' said Scythrop. + +'And, besides,' said Mr Glowry, 'the fatal time is past, for it is now +almost eight.' + +'Then that villain, Raven,' said Scythrop, 'deceived me when he said +that the clock was too fast; but, as you observe very justly, the time +has gone by, and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in +love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy; and +there is, therefore, good hope that I may make a figure in the world. +But I shall ring for the rascal Raven, and admonish him.' + +Raven appeared. Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three +minutes; and Raven, still remembering the pistol, stood quaking in +mute apprehension, till Scythrop, pointing significantly towards the +dining-room, said, 'Bring some Madeira.' + +THE END + + + + +NOTES + +NIGHTMARE ABBEY + + +CHAPTER I + +[1] _Mr Flosky_: A corruption of Filosky, quasi [Greek: philoschios], +a lover, or sectator, of shadows. + + +CHAPTER II + +[2] _the passion for reforming the world_: See Forsyth's _Principles +of Moral Science_. + + +CHAPTER IV + +[3] _decorum, and dignity, &c. &c. &c._: We are not masters of the +whole vocabulary. See any novel by any literary lady. + +[4] _his Ahrimanic philosophy_: Ahrimanes, in the Persian mythology, +is the evil power, the prince of the kingdom of darkness. He is the +rival of Oromazes, the prince of the kingdom of light. These two +powers have divided and equal dominion. Sometimes one of the two has a +temporary supremacy.--According to Mr Toobad, the present period would +be the reign of Ahrimanes. Lord Byron seems to be of the same opinion, +by the use he has made of Ahrimanes in 'Manfred'; where the great +Alastor, or [Greek: Kachos Daimôn], of Persia, is hailed king of +the world by the Nemesis of Greece, in concert with three of +the Scandinavian Valkyrae, under the name of the Destinies; the +astrological spirits of the alchemists of the middle ages; an +elemental witch, transplanted from Denmark to the Alps; and a chorus +of Dr Faustus's devils, who come in the last act for a soul. It is +difficult to conceive where this heterogeneous mythological company +could have originally met, except at a _table d'hôte_, like the six +kings in 'Candide'. + + +CHAPTER V + +[5] _pensions_: 'PENSION. Pay given to a slave of state for treason to +his country.'--JOHNSON'S _Dictionary_. + + +CHAPTER VII + +[6] _... of a beautiful day_: See Denys Montfort: _Histoire Naturelle +des Mollusques; Vues Générales_, pp. 37, 38. (P.) The second half of +this speech by Mr Asterias and the opening sentence of his previous +speech are a paraphrase from Montfort, pp. 37-9. + + +CHAPTER X + +[7] _Mr Burke's graduated scale of the sublime_: There must be some +mistake in this, for the whole honourable band of gentlemen-pensioners +has resolved unanimously, that Mr Burke was a very sublime person, +particularly after he had prostituted his own soul, and betrayed his +country and mankind, for 1200_l_. a year: yet he does not appear to +have been a very terrible personage, and certainly went off with a +very small portion of human respect, though he contrived to excite, +in a great degree, the astonishment of all honest men. Our immaculate +laureate (who gives us to understand that, if he had not been purified +by holy matrimony into a mystical type, he would have died a virgin,) +is another sublime gentleman of the same genus: he very much +astonished some persons when he sold his birthright for a pot of sack; +but not even his _Sosia_ has a grain of respect for him, though, +doubtless, he thinks his name very terrible to the enemy, when he +flourishes his criticopoeticopolitical tomahawk, and sets up his +Indian yell for the blood of his old friends: but, at best, he is a +mere political scarecrow, a man of straw, ridiculous to all who know +of what materials he is made; and to none more so, than to those who +have stuffed him, and set him up, as the Priapus of the garden of the +golden apples of corruption. + + +CHAPTER XI + +[8] _... vanishes in the smoke of death_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. +cxxiv. cxxvi. + +[9] _... and reaps the whirlwind_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxiii. + +[10] _... or to endure_: _Ibid_. canto 3. lxxi. + +[11] _... whose gums are poison_: _Ibid_. canto 4. cxxi. cxxxvi. + +[12] _... exist only in himself_: _Childe Harold_, canto 4. cxxii. + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[13] _sedet, oeternumque sedebit_: Sits, and will sit for ever. + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[14] _a pint of port and a pistol_: See _The Sorrows of Werter_, +Letter 93. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NIGHTMARE ABBEY *** + +This file should be named 8nmab11.txt or 8nmab11.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8nmab12.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8nmab11a.txt + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Tom Allen, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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