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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/866-h.zip b/866-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..32f5199 --- /dev/null +++ b/866-h.zip diff --git a/866-h/866-h.htm b/866-h/866-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ccdaa5a --- /dev/null +++ b/866-h/866-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,835 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Cost of Kindness, by Jerome K. Jerome + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Cost of Kindness, by Jerome K. Jerome + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Cost of Kindness + From a volume entitled "Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow" + +Author: Jerome K. Jerome + +Release Date: July 26, 2008 [EBook #866] +Last Updated: January 15, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COST OF KINDNESS *** + + + + +Produced by Ron Burkey, and Amy Thomte + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE COST OF KINDNESS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Jerome K. Jerome + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "Kindness," argued little Mrs. Pennycoop, "costs nothing." + </p> + <p> + "And, speaking generally, my dear, is valued precisely at cost price," + retorted Mr. Pennycoop, who, as an auctioneer of twenty years' experience, + had enjoyed much opportunity of testing the attitude of the public towards + sentiment. + </p> + <p> + "I don't care what you say, George," persisted his wife; "he may be a + disagreeable, cantankerous old brute—I don't say he isn't. All the + same, the man is going away, and we may never see him again." + </p> + <p> + "If I thought there was any fear of our doing so," observed Mr. Pennycoop, + "I'd turn my back on the Church of England to-morrow and become a + Methodist." + </p> + <p> + "Don't talk like that, George," his wife admonished him, reprovingly; "the + Lord might be listening to you." + </p> + <p> + "If the Lord had to listen to old Cracklethorpe He'd sympathize with me," + was the opinion of Mr. Pennycoop. + </p> + <p> + "The Lord sends us our trials, and they are meant for our good," explained + his wife. "They are meant to teach us patience." + </p> + <p> + "You are not churchwarden," retorted her husband; "you can get away from + him. You hear him when he is in the pulpit, where, to a certain extent, he + is bound to keep his temper." + </p> + <p> + "You forget the rummage sale, George," Mrs. Pennycoop reminded him; "to + say nothing of the church decorations." + </p> + <p> + "The rummage sale," Mr. Pennycoop pointed out to her, "occurs only once a + year, and at that time your own temper, I have noticed—" + </p> + <p> + "I always try to remember I am a Christian," interrupted little Mrs. + Pennycoop. "I do not pretend to be a saint, but whatever I say I am always + sorry for it afterwards—you know I am, George." + </p> + <p> + "It's what I am saying," explained her husband. "A vicar who has contrived + in three years to make every member of his congregation hate the very + sight of a church—well, there's something wrong about it somewhere." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pennycoop, gentlest of little women, laid her plump and still pretty + hands upon her husband's shoulders. "Don't think, dear, I haven't + sympathized with you. You have borne it nobly. I have marvelled sometimes + that you have been able to control yourself as you have done, most times; + the things that he has said to you." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pennycoop had slid unconsciously into an attitude suggestive of + petrified virtue, lately discovered. + </p> + <p> + "One's own poor self," observed Mr. Pennycoop, in accents of proud + humility—"insults that are merely personal one can put up with. + Though even there," added the senior churchwarden, with momentary descent + towards the plane of human nature, "nobody cares to have it hinted + publicly across the vestry table that one has chosen to collect from the + left side for the express purpose of artfully passing over one's own + family." + </p> + <p> + "The children have always had their three-penny-bits ready waiting in + their hands," explained Mrs. Pennycoop, indignantly. + </p> + <p> + "It's the sort of thing he says merely for the sake of making a + disturbance," continued the senior churchwarden. "It's the things he does + I draw the line at." + </p> + <p> + "The things he has done, you mean, dear," laughed the little woman, with + the accent on the "has." "It is all over now, and we are going to be rid + of him. I expect, dear, if we only knew, we should find it was his liver. + You know, George, I remarked to you the first day that he came how pasty + he looked and what a singularly unpleasant mouth he had. People can't help + these things, you know, dear. One should look upon them in the light of + afflictions and be sorry for them." + </p> + <p> + "I could forgive him doing what he does if he didn't seem to enjoy it," + said the senior churchwarden. "But, as you say, dear, he is going, and all + I hope and pray is that we never see his like again." + </p> + <p> + "And you'll come with me to call upon him, George," urged kind little Mrs. + Pennycoop. "After all, he has been our vicar for three years, and he must + be feeling it, poor man—whatever he may pretend—going away + like this, knowing that everybody is glad to see the back of him." + </p> + <p> + "Well, I sha'n't say anything I don't really feel," stipulated Mr. + Pennycoop. + </p> + <p> + "That will be all right, dear," laughed his wife, "so long as you don't + say what you do feel. And we'll both of us keep our temper," further + suggested the little woman, "whatever happens. Remember, it will be for + the last time." + </p> + <p> + Little Mrs. Pennycoop's intention was kind and Christianlike. The Rev. + Augustus Cracklethorpe would be quitting Wychwood-on-the-Heath the + following Monday, never to set foot—so the Rev. Augustus + Cracklethorpe himself and every single member of his congregation hoped + sincerely—in the neighbourhood again. Hitherto no pains had been + taken on either side to disguise the mutual joy with which the parting was + looked forward to. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, M.A., might possibly + have been of service to his Church in, say, some East-end parish of + unsavoury reputation, some mission station far advanced amid the hordes of + heathendom. There his inborn instinct of antagonism to everybody and + everything surrounding him, his unconquerable disregard for other people's + views and feelings, his inspired conviction that everybody but himself was + bound to be always wrong about everything, combined with determination to + act and speak fearlessly in such belief, might have found their uses. In + picturesque little Wychwood-on-the-Heath, among the Kentish hills, retreat + beloved of the retired tradesman, the spinster of moderate means, the + reformed Bohemian developing latent instincts towards respectability, + these qualities made only for scandal and disunion. + </p> + <p> + For the past two years the Rev. Cracklethorpe's parishioners, assisted by + such other of the inhabitants of Wychwood-on-the-Heath as had happened to + come into personal contact with the reverend gentleman, had sought to + impress upon him, by hints and innuendoes difficult to misunderstand, + their cordial and daily-increasing dislike of him, both as a parson and a + man. Matters had come to a head by the determination officially announced + to him that, failing other alternatives, a deputation of his leading + parishioners would wait upon his bishop. This it was that had brought it + home to the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe that, as the spiritual guide and + comforter of Wychwood-on-the Heath, he had proved a failure. The Rev. + Augustus had sought and secured the care of other souls. The following + Sunday morning he had arranged to preach his farewell sermon, and the + occasion promised to be a success from every point of view. Churchgoers + who had not visited St. Jude's for months had promised themselves the + luxury of feeling they were listening to the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe + for the last time. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe had prepared a sermon + that for plain speaking and directness was likely to leave an impression. + The parishioners of St. Jude's, Wychwood-on-the-Heath, had their failings, + as we all have. The Rev. Augustus flattered himself that he had not missed + out a single one, and was looking forward with pleasurable anticipation to + the sensation that his remarks, from his "firstly" to his "sixthly and + lastly," were likely to create. + </p> + <p> + What marred the entire business was the impulsiveness of little Mrs. + Pennycoop. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, informed in his study on the + Wednesday afternoon that Mr. and Mrs. Pennycoop had called, entered the + drawing-room a quarter of an hour later, cold and severe; and, without + offering to shake hands, requested to be informed as shortly as possible + for what purpose he had been disturbed. Mrs. Pennycoop had had her speech + ready to her tongue. It was just what it should have been, and no more. + </p> + <p> + It referred casually, without insisting on the point, to the duty + incumbent upon all of us to remember on occasion we were Christians; that + our privilege it was to forgive and forget; that, generally speaking, + there are faults on both sides; that partings should never take place in + anger; in short, that little Mrs. Pennycoop and George, her husband, as he + was waiting to say for himself, were sorry for everything and anything + they may have said or done in the past to hurt the feelings of the Rev. + Augustus Cracklethorpe, and would like to shake hands with him and wish + him every happiness for the future. The chilling attitude of the Rev. + Augustus scattered that carefully-rehearsed speech to the winds. It left + Mrs. Pennycoop nothing but to retire in choking silence, or to fling + herself upon the inspiration of the moment and make up something new. She + choose the latter alternative. + </p> + <p> + At first the words came halting. Her husband, man-like, had deserted her + in her hour of utmost need and was fumbling with the door-knob. The steely + stare with which the Rev. Cracklethorpe regarded her, instead of chilling + her, acted upon her as a spur. It put her on her mettle. He should listen + to her. She would make him understand her kindly feeling towards him if + she had to take him by the shoulders and shake it into him. At the end of + five minutes the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, without knowing it, was + looking pleased. At the end of another five Mrs. Pennycoop stopped, not + for want of words, but for want of breath. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe + replied in a voice that, to his own surprise, was trembling with emotion. + Mrs. Pennycoop had made his task harder for him. He had thought to leave + Wychwood-on-the-Heath without a regret. The knowledge he now possessed, + that at all events one member of his congregation understood him, as Mrs. + Pennycoop had proved to him she understood him, sympathized with him—the + knowledge that at least one heart, and that heart Mrs. Pennycoop's, had + warmed to him, would transform what he had looked forward to as a blessed + relief into a lasting grief. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pennycoop, carried away by his wife's eloquence, added a few halting + words of his own. It appeared from Mr. Pennycoop's remarks that he had + always regarded the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe as the vicar of his + dreams, but misunderstandings in some unaccountable way will arise. The + Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, it appeared, had always secretly respected + Mr. Pennycoop. If at any time his spoken words might have conveyed the + contrary impression, that must have arisen from the poverty of our + language, which does not lend itself to subtle meanings. + </p> + <p> + Then following the suggestion of tea, Miss Cracklethorpe, sister to the + Rev. Augustus—a lady whose likeness to her brother in all respects + was startling, the only difference between them being that while he was + clean-shaven she wore a slight moustache—was called down to grace + the board. The visit was ended by Mrs. Pennycoop's remembrance that it was + Wilhelmina's night for a hot bath. + </p> + <p> + "I said more than I intended to," admitted Mrs. Pennycoop to George, her + husband, on the way home; "but he irritated me." + </p> + <p> + Rumour of the Pennycoops' visit flew through the parish. Other ladies felt + it their duty to show to Mrs. Pennycoop that she was not the only + Christian in Wychwood-on-the-Heath. Mrs. Pennycoop, it was feared, might + be getting a swelled head over this matter. The Rev. Augustus, with + pardonable pride, repeated some of the things that Mrs. Pennycoop had said + to him. Mrs. Pennycoop was not to imagine herself the only person in + Wychwood-on-the-Heath capable of generosity that cost nothing. Other + ladies could say graceful nothings—could say them even better. + Husbands dressed in their best clothes and carefully rehearsed were + brought in to grace the almost endless procession of disconsolate + parishioners hammering at the door of St. Jude's parsonage. Between + Thursday morning and Saturday night the Rev. Augustus, much to his own + astonishment, had been forced to the conclusion that five-sixths of his + parishioners had loved him from the first without hitherto having had + opportunity of expressing their real feelings. + </p> + <p> + The eventful Sunday arrived. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe had been kept + so busy listening to regrets at his departure, assurances of an esteem + hitherto disguised from him, explanations of seeming discourtesies that + had been intended as tokens of affectionate regard, that no time had been + left to him to think of other matters. Not till he entered the vestry at + five minutes to eleven did recollection of his farewell sermon come to + him. It haunted him throughout the service. To deliver it after the + revelations of the last three days would be impossible. It was the sermon + that Moses might have preached to Pharaoh the Sunday prior to the exodus. + To crush with it this congregation of broken-hearted adorers sorrowing for + his departure would be inhuman. The Rev. Augustus tried to think of + passages that might be selected, altered. There were none. From beginning + to end it contained not a single sentence capable of being made to sound + pleasant by any ingenuity whatsoever. + </p> + <p> + The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe climbed slowly up the pulpit steps without + an idea in his head of what he was going to say. The sunlight fell upon + the upturned faces of a crowd that filled every corner of the church. So + happy, so buoyant a congregation the eyes of the Rev. Augustus + Cracklethorpe had never till that day looked down upon. The feeling came + to him that he did not want to leave them. That they did not wish him to + go, could he doubt? Only by regarding them as a collection of the most + shameless hypocrites ever gathered together under one roof. The Rev. + Augustus Cracklethorpe dismissed the passing suspicion as a suggestion of + the Evil One, folded the neatly-written manuscript that lay before him on + the desk, and put it aside. He had no need of a farewell sermon. The + arrangements made could easily be altered. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe + spoke from his pulpit for the first time an impromptu. + </p> + <p> + The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe wished to acknowledge himself in the + wrong. Foolishly founding his judgment upon the evidence of a few men, + whose names there would be no need to mention, members of the congregation + who, he hoped, would one day be sorry for the misunderstandings they had + caused, brethren whom it was his duty to forgive, he had assumed the + parishioners of St. Jude's, Wychwood-on-the-Heath, to have taken a + personal dislike to him. He wished to publicly apologize for the injustice + he had unwittingly done to their heads and to their hearts. He now had it + from their own lips that a libel had been put upon them. So far from their + wishing his departure, it was self-evident that his going would inflict + upon them a great sorrow. With the knowledge he now possessed of the + respect—one might almost say the veneration—with which the + majority of that congregation regarded him—knowledge, he admitted, + acquired somewhat late—it was clear to him he could still be of help + to them in their spiritual need. To leave a flock so devoted would stamp + him as an unworthy shepherd. The ceaseless stream of regrets at his + departure that had been poured into his ear during the last four days he + had decided at the last moment to pay heed to. He would remain with them—on + one condition. + </p> + <p> + There quivered across the sea of humanity below him a movement that might + have suggested to a more observant watcher the convulsive clutchings of + some drowning man at some chance straw. But the Rev. Augustus + Cracklethorpe was thinking of himself. + </p> + <p> + The parish was large and he was no longer a young man. Let them provide + him with a conscientious and energetic curate. He had such a one in his + mind's eye, a near relation of his own, who, for a small stipend that was + hardly worth mentioning, would, he knew it for a fact, accept the post. + The pulpit was not the place in which to discuss these matters, but in the + vestry afterwards he would be pleased to meet such members of the + congregation as might choose to stay. + </p> + <p> + The question agitating the majority of the congregation during the singing + of the hymn was the time it would take them to get outside the church. + There still remained a faint hope that the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, + not obtaining his curate, might consider it due to his own dignity to + shake from his feet the dust of a parish generous in sentiment, but + obstinately close-fisted when it came to putting its hands into its + pockets. + </p> + <p> + But for the parishioners of St. Jude's that Sunday was a day of + misfortune. Before there could be any thought of moving, the Rev. Augustus + raised his surpliced arm and begged leave to acquaint them with the + contents of a short note that had just been handed up to him. It would + send them all home, he felt sure, with joy and thankfulness in their + hearts. An example of Christian benevolence was among them that did honour + to the Church. + </p> + <p> + Here a retired wholesale clothier from the East-end of London—a + short, tubby gentleman who had recently taken the Manor House—was + observed to turn scarlet. + </p> + <p> + A gentleman hitherto unknown to them had signalled his advent among them + by an act of munificence that should prove a shining example to all rich + men. Mr. Horatio Copper—the reverend gentleman found some + difficulty, apparently, in deciphering the name. + </p> + <p> + "Cooper-Smith, sir, with an hyphen," came in a thin whisper, the voice of + the still scarlet-faced clothier. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Horatio Cooper-Smith, taking—the Rev. Augustus felt confident—a + not unworthy means of grappling to himself thus early the hearts of his + fellow-townsmen, had expressed his desire to pay for the expense of a + curate entirely out of his own pocket. Under these circumstances, there + would be no further talk of a farewell between the Rev. Augustus + Cracklethorpe and his parishioners. It would be the hope of the Rev. + Augustus Cracklethorpe to live and die the pastor of St. Jude's. + </p> + <p> + A more solemn-looking, sober congregation than the congregation that + emerged that Sunday morning from St. Jude's in Wychwood-on-the-Heath had + never, perhaps, passed out of a church door. + </p> + <p> + "He'll have more time upon his hands," said Mr. Biles, retired wholesale + ironmonger and junior churchwarden, to Mrs. Biles, turning the corner of + Acacia Avenue—"he'll have more time to make himself a curse and a + stumbling-block." + </p> + <p> + "And if this 'near relation' of his is anything like him—" + </p> + <p> + "Which you may depend upon it is the Case, or he'd never have thought of + him," was the opinion of Mr. Biles. + </p> + <p> + "I shall give that Mrs. Pennycoop," said Mrs. Biles, "a piece of my mind + when I meet her." + </p> + <p> + But of what use was that? + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Cost of Kindness, by Jerome K. 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Jerome + +Release Date: July 26, 2008 [EBook #866] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COST OF KINDNESS *** + + + + +Produced by Ron Burkey, and Amy Thomte + + + + + +THE COST OF KINDNESS + +By Jerome K. Jerome + + + +"Kindness," argued little Mrs. Pennycoop, "costs nothing." + +"And, speaking generally, my dear, is valued precisely at cost +price," retorted Mr. Pennycoop, who, as an auctioneer of twenty years' +experience, had enjoyed much opportunity of testing the attitude of the +public towards sentiment. + +"I don't care what you say, George," persisted his wife; "he may be +a disagreeable, cantankerous old brute--I don't say he isn't. All the +same, the man is going away, and we may never see him again." + +"If I thought there was any fear of our doing so," observed Mr. +Pennycoop, "I'd turn my back on the Church of England to-morrow and +become a Methodist." + +"Don't talk like that, George," his wife admonished him, reprovingly; +"the Lord might be listening to you." + +"If the Lord had to listen to old Cracklethorpe He'd sympathize with +me," was the opinion of Mr. Pennycoop. + +"The Lord sends us our trials, and they are meant for our good," +explained his wife. "They are meant to teach us patience." + +"You are not churchwarden," retorted her husband; "you can get away from +him. You hear him when he is in the pulpit, where, to a certain extent, +he is bound to keep his temper." + +"You forget the rummage sale, George," Mrs. Pennycoop reminded him; "to +say nothing of the church decorations." + +"The rummage sale," Mr. Pennycoop pointed out to her, "occurs only once +a year, and at that time your own temper, I have noticed--" + +"I always try to remember I am a Christian," interrupted little Mrs. +Pennycoop. "I do not pretend to be a saint, but whatever I say I am +always sorry for it afterwards--you know I am, George." + +"It's what I am saying," explained her husband. "A vicar who has +contrived in three years to make every member of his congregation hate +the very sight of a church--well, there's something wrong about it +somewhere." + +Mrs. Pennycoop, gentlest of little women, laid her plump and still +pretty hands upon her husband's shoulders. "Don't think, dear, I +haven't sympathized with you. You have borne it nobly. I have marvelled +sometimes that you have been able to control yourself as you have done, +most times; the things that he has said to you." + +Mr. Pennycoop had slid unconsciously into an attitude suggestive of +petrified virtue, lately discovered. + +"One's own poor self," observed Mr. Pennycoop, in accents of proud +humility--"insults that are merely personal one can put up with. Though +even there," added the senior churchwarden, with momentary descent +towards the plane of human nature, "nobody cares to have it hinted +publicly across the vestry table that one has chosen to collect from +the left side for the express purpose of artfully passing over one's own +family." + +"The children have always had their three-penny-bits ready waiting in +their hands," explained Mrs. Pennycoop, indignantly. + +"It's the sort of thing he says merely for the sake of making a +disturbance," continued the senior churchwarden. "It's the things he +does I draw the line at." + +"The things he has done, you mean, dear," laughed the little woman, with +the accent on the "has." "It is all over now, and we are going to be +rid of him. I expect, dear, if we only knew, we should find it was his +liver. You know, George, I remarked to you the first day that he came +how pasty he looked and what a singularly unpleasant mouth he had. +People can't help these things, you know, dear. One should look upon +them in the light of afflictions and be sorry for them." + +"I could forgive him doing what he does if he didn't seem to enjoy it," +said the senior churchwarden. "But, as you say, dear, he is going, and +all I hope and pray is that we never see his like again." + +"And you'll come with me to call upon him, George," urged kind little +Mrs. Pennycoop. "After all, he has been our vicar for three years, and +he must be feeling it, poor man--whatever he may pretend--going away +like this, knowing that everybody is glad to see the back of him." + +"Well, I sha'n't say anything I don't really feel," stipulated Mr. +Pennycoop. + +"That will be all right, dear," laughed his wife, "so long as you don't +say what you do feel. And we'll both of us keep our temper," further +suggested the little woman, "whatever happens. Remember, it will be for +the last time." + +Little Mrs. Pennycoop's intention was kind and Christianlike. The Rev. +Augustus Cracklethorpe would be quitting Wychwood-on-the-Heath the +following Monday, never to set foot--so the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe +himself and every single member of his congregation hoped sincerely--in +the neighbourhood again. Hitherto no pains had been taken on either side +to disguise the mutual joy with which the parting was looked forward +to. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, M.A., might possibly have been +of service to his Church in, say, some East-end parish of unsavoury +reputation, some mission station far advanced amid the hordes of +heathendom. There his inborn instinct of antagonism to everybody and +everything surrounding him, his unconquerable disregard for other +people's views and feelings, his inspired conviction that everybody but +himself was bound to be always wrong about everything, combined with +determination to act and speak fearlessly in such belief, might have +found their uses. In picturesque little Wychwood-on-the-Heath, among the +Kentish hills, retreat beloved of the retired tradesman, the spinster +of moderate means, the reformed Bohemian developing latent instincts +towards respectability, these qualities made only for scandal and +disunion. + +For the past two years the Rev. Cracklethorpe's parishioners, assisted +by such other of the inhabitants of Wychwood-on-the-Heath as had +happened to come into personal contact with the reverend gentleman, +had sought to impress upon him, by hints and innuendoes difficult to +misunderstand, their cordial and daily-increasing dislike of him, both +as a parson and a man. Matters had come to a head by the determination +officially announced to him that, failing other alternatives, a +deputation of his leading parishioners would wait upon his bishop. This +it was that had brought it home to the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe that, +as the spiritual guide and comforter of Wychwood-on-the Heath, he had +proved a failure. The Rev. Augustus had sought and secured the care of +other souls. The following Sunday morning he had arranged to preach his +farewell sermon, and the occasion promised to be a success from every +point of view. Churchgoers who had not visited St. Jude's for months +had promised themselves the luxury of feeling they were listening to +the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe for the last time. The Rev. Augustus +Cracklethorpe had prepared a sermon that for plain speaking and +directness was likely to leave an impression. The parishioners of St. +Jude's, Wychwood-on-the-Heath, had their failings, as we all have. The +Rev. Augustus flattered himself that he had not missed out a single one, +and was looking forward with pleasurable anticipation to the sensation +that his remarks, from his "firstly" to his "sixthly and lastly," were +likely to create. + +What marred the entire business was the impulsiveness of little Mrs. +Pennycoop. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, informed in his study on the +Wednesday afternoon that Mr. and Mrs. Pennycoop had called, entered the +drawing-room a quarter of an hour later, cold and severe; and, without +offering to shake hands, requested to be informed as shortly as possible +for what purpose he had been disturbed. Mrs. Pennycoop had had her +speech ready to her tongue. It was just what it should have been, and no +more. + +It referred casually, without insisting on the point, to the duty +incumbent upon all of us to remember on occasion we were Christians; +that our privilege it was to forgive and forget; that, generally +speaking, there are faults on both sides; that partings should never +take place in anger; in short, that little Mrs. Pennycoop and George, +her husband, as he was waiting to say for himself, were sorry for +everything and anything they may have said or done in the past to hurt +the feelings of the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, and would like to shake +hands with him and wish him every happiness for the future. The chilling +attitude of the Rev. Augustus scattered that carefully-rehearsed speech +to the winds. It left Mrs. Pennycoop nothing but to retire in choking +silence, or to fling herself upon the inspiration of the moment and make +up something new. She choose the latter alternative. + +At first the words came halting. Her husband, man-like, had deserted +her in her hour of utmost need and was fumbling with the door-knob. The +steely stare with which the Rev. Cracklethorpe regarded her, instead +of chilling her, acted upon her as a spur. It put her on her mettle. He +should listen to her. She would make him understand her kindly feeling +towards him if she had to take him by the shoulders and shake it into +him. At the end of five minutes the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, +without knowing it, was looking pleased. At the end of another five Mrs. +Pennycoop stopped, not for want of words, but for want of breath. +The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe replied in a voice that, to his own +surprise, was trembling with emotion. Mrs. Pennycoop had made his task +harder for him. He had thought to leave Wychwood-on-the-Heath without a +regret. The knowledge he now possessed, that at all events one member of +his congregation understood him, as Mrs. Pennycoop had proved to him she +understood him, sympathized with him--the knowledge that at least +one heart, and that heart Mrs. Pennycoop's, had warmed to him, would +transform what he had looked forward to as a blessed relief into a +lasting grief. + +Mr. Pennycoop, carried away by his wife's eloquence, added a few halting +words of his own. It appeared from Mr. Pennycoop's remarks that he had +always regarded the Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe as the vicar of his +dreams, but misunderstandings in some unaccountable way will arise. The +Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe, it appeared, had always secretly respected +Mr. Pennycoop. If at any time his spoken words might have conveyed +the contrary impression, that must have arisen from the poverty of our +language, which does not lend itself to subtle meanings. + +Then following the suggestion of tea, Miss Cracklethorpe, sister to the +Rev. Augustus--a lady whose likeness to her brother in all respects +was startling, the only difference between them being that while he was +clean-shaven she wore a slight moustache--was called down to grace the +board. The visit was ended by Mrs. Pennycoop's remembrance that it was +Wilhelmina's night for a hot bath. + +"I said more than I intended to," admitted Mrs. Pennycoop to George, her +husband, on the way home; "but he irritated me." + +Rumour of the Pennycoops' visit flew through the parish. Other ladies +felt it their duty to show to Mrs. Pennycoop that she was not the only +Christian in Wychwood-on-the-Heath. Mrs. Pennycoop, it was feared, might +be getting a swelled head over this matter. The Rev. Augustus, with +pardonable pride, repeated some of the things that Mrs. Pennycoop had +said to him. Mrs. Pennycoop was not to imagine herself the only person +in Wychwood-on-the-Heath capable of generosity that cost nothing. Other +ladies could say graceful nothings--could say them even better. Husbands +dressed in their best clothes and carefully rehearsed were brought in +to grace the almost endless procession of disconsolate parishioners +hammering at the door of St. Jude's parsonage. Between Thursday morning +and Saturday night the Rev. Augustus, much to his own astonishment, had +been forced to the conclusion that five-sixths of his parishioners had +loved him from the first without hitherto having had opportunity of +expressing their real feelings. + +The eventful Sunday arrived. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe had been +kept so busy listening to regrets at his departure, assurances of +an esteem hitherto disguised from him, explanations of seeming +discourtesies that had been intended as tokens of affectionate regard, +that no time had been left to him to think of other matters. Not till +he entered the vestry at five minutes to eleven did recollection of his +farewell sermon come to him. It haunted him throughout the service. +To deliver it after the revelations of the last three days would be +impossible. It was the sermon that Moses might have preached to Pharaoh +the Sunday prior to the exodus. To crush with it this congregation of +broken-hearted adorers sorrowing for his departure would be inhuman. +The Rev. Augustus tried to think of passages that might be selected, +altered. There were none. From beginning to end it contained not a +single sentence capable of being made to sound pleasant by any ingenuity +whatsoever. + +The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe climbed slowly up the pulpit steps +without an idea in his head of what he was going to say. The sunlight +fell upon the upturned faces of a crowd that filled every corner of +the church. So happy, so buoyant a congregation the eyes of the Rev. +Augustus Cracklethorpe had never till that day looked down upon. The +feeling came to him that he did not want to leave them. That they +did not wish him to go, could he doubt? Only by regarding them as a +collection of the most shameless hypocrites ever gathered together +under one roof. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe dismissed the passing +suspicion as a suggestion of the Evil One, folded the neatly-written +manuscript that lay before him on the desk, and put it aside. He had +no need of a farewell sermon. The arrangements made could easily be +altered. The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe spoke from his pulpit for the +first time an impromptu. + +The Rev. Augustus Cracklethorpe wished to acknowledge himself in the +wrong. Foolishly founding his judgment upon the evidence of a few +men, whose names there would be no need to mention, members of +the congregation who, he hoped, would one day be sorry for the +misunderstandings they had caused, brethren whom it was his duty +to forgive, he had assumed the parishioners of St. Jude's, +Wychwood-on-the-Heath, to have taken a personal dislike to him. He +wished to publicly apologize for the injustice he had unwittingly done +to their heads and to their hearts. He now had it from their own lips +that a libel had been put upon them. So far from their wishing his +departure, it was self-evident that his going would inflict upon them +a great sorrow. With the knowledge he now possessed of the respect--one +might almost say the veneration--with which the majority of that +congregation regarded him--knowledge, he admitted, acquired somewhat +late--it was clear to him he could still be of help to them in their +spiritual need. To leave a flock so devoted would stamp him as an +unworthy shepherd. The ceaseless stream of regrets at his departure that +had been poured into his ear during the last four days he had decided +at the last moment to pay heed to. He would remain with them--on one +condition. + +There quivered across the sea of humanity below him a movement that +might have suggested to a more observant watcher the convulsive +clutchings of some drowning man at some chance straw. But the Rev. +Augustus Cracklethorpe was thinking of himself. + +The parish was large and he was no longer a young man. Let them provide +him with a conscientious and energetic curate. He had such a one in his +mind's eye, a near relation of his own, who, for a small stipend that +was hardly worth mentioning, would, he knew it for a fact, accept the +post. The pulpit was not the place in which to discuss these matters, +but in the vestry afterwards he would be pleased to meet such members of +the congregation as might choose to stay. + +The question agitating the majority of the congregation during the +singing of the hymn was the time it would take them to get outside +the church. There still remained a faint hope that the Rev. Augustus +Cracklethorpe, not obtaining his curate, might consider it due to his +own dignity to shake from his feet the dust of a parish generous in +sentiment, but obstinately close-fisted when it came to putting its +hands into its pockets. + +But for the parishioners of St. Jude's that Sunday was a day of +misfortune. Before there could be any thought of moving, the Rev. +Augustus raised his surpliced arm and begged leave to acquaint them with +the contents of a short note that had just been handed up to him. It +would send them all home, he felt sure, with joy and thankfulness in +their hearts. An example of Christian benevolence was among them that +did honour to the Church. + +Here a retired wholesale clothier from the East-end of London--a short, +tubby gentleman who had recently taken the Manor House--was observed to +turn scarlet. + +A gentleman hitherto unknown to them had signalled his advent among them +by an act of munificence that should prove a shining example to all rich +men. Mr. Horatio Copper--the reverend gentleman found some difficulty, +apparently, in deciphering the name. + +"Cooper-Smith, sir, with an hyphen," came in a thin whisper, the voice +of the still scarlet-faced clothier. + +Mr. Horatio Cooper-Smith, taking--the Rev. Augustus felt confident--a +not unworthy means of grappling to himself thus early the hearts of his +fellow-townsmen, had expressed his desire to pay for the expense of a +curate entirely out of his own pocket. Under these circumstances, +there would be no further talk of a farewell between the Rev. Augustus +Cracklethorpe and his parishioners. It would be the hope of the Rev. +Augustus Cracklethorpe to live and die the pastor of St. Jude's. + +A more solemn-looking, sober congregation than the congregation that +emerged that Sunday morning from St. Jude's in Wychwood-on-the-Heath had +never, perhaps, passed out of a church door. + +"He'll have more time upon his hands," said Mr. Biles, retired wholesale +ironmonger and junior churchwarden, to Mrs. Biles, turning the corner +of Acacia Avenue--"he'll have more time to make himself a curse and a +stumbling-block." + +"And if this 'near relation' of his is anything like him--" + +"Which you may depend upon it is the Case, or he'd never have thought of +him," was the opinion of Mr. Biles. + +"I shall give that Mrs. Pennycoop," said Mrs. Biles, "a piece of my mind +when I meet her." + +But of what use was that? + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Cost of Kindness, by Jerome K. 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