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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of Samantha on the Woman Question, by Marietta Holley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
+will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
+using this eBook.
+
+Title: Samantha on the Woman Question
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Release Date: May 20, 2003 [eBook #7833]
+[Most recently updated: February 15, 2021]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+Produced by: Eric Eldred, William Flis and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA ON THE WOMAN QUESTION ***
+
+
+
+
+Samantha on the Woman Question
+
+by Marietta Holley
+
+“Josiah Allen’s Wife”
+
+Author of
+
+“Samantha at Saratoga,” “My Opinions” and
+“Betsey Bobbet’s,” etc.
+
+
+Contents
+
+ I. “SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS”
+ II. “THEY CAN’T BLAME HER”
+ III. “POLLY’S EYES GROWED TENDER”
+ IV. “STRIVIN’ WITH THE EMISSARY”
+ V. “HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE”
+ VI. “CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH”
+ VII. “NO HAMPERIN’ HITCHIN’ STRAPS”
+ VIII. “OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN’”
+ IX. THE WOMEN’S PARADE
+ X. “THE CREATION SEARCHIN’ SOCIETY”
+
+[Illustration:
+“And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta
+for wantin’ her rights.”]
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+ “AND I WONDER IF THERE’S A WOMAN IN THE LAND THAT CAN BLAME SEREPTA
+ FOR WANTIN’ HER RIGHTS”
+ “I WANTED TO VISIT THE CAPITOL OF OUR COUNTRY.... SO WE LAID OUT TO
+ GO”
+ “HE’D ENTERED POLITICAL LIFE WHERE THE BIBLE WUZN’T POPULAR; HE’D
+ NEVER READ FURTHER THAN GULLIVER’S EPISTLE TO THE LILIPUTIANS”
+ “SEZ JOSIAH, ‘DOES THAT THING KNOW ENOUGH TO VOTE?’”
+
+
+
+
+I.
+“SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS”
+
+
+Lorinda Cagwin invited Josiah and me to a reunion of the Allen family
+at her home nigh Washington, D.C., the birthplace of the first Allen we
+knowed anything about, and Josiah said:
+
+“Bein’ one of the best lookin’ and influential Allens on earth now, it
+would be expected on him to attend to it.”
+
+And I fell in with the idee, partly to be done as I would be done by if
+it wuz the relation on my side, and partly because by goin’ I could hit
+two birds with one stun, as the poet sez. Indeed, I could hit four on
+’em.
+
+My own cousin, Diantha Trimble, lived in a city nigh Lorinda’s and I
+had promised to visit her if I wuz ever nigh her, and help bear her
+burdens for a spell, of which burden more anon and bom-by.
+
+Diantha wuz one bird, the Reunion another, and the third bird I had in
+my mind’s eye wuz the big outdoor meeting of the suffragists that wuz
+to be held in the city where Diantha lived, only a little ways from
+Lorinda’s.
+
+And the fourth bird and the biggest one I wuz aimin’ to hit from this
+tower of ourn wuz Washington, D.C. I wanted to visit the Capitol of our
+country, the center of our great civilization that stands like the sun
+in the solar system, sendin’ out beams of power and wisdom and law and
+order, and justice and injustice, and money and oratory, and talk and
+talk, and wind and everything, to the uttermost points of our vast
+possessions, and from them clear to the ends of the earth. I wanted to
+see it, I wanted to like a dog. So we laid out to go.
+
+[Illustration: “I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country.... So we
+laid out to go.”]
+
+Lorinda lived on the old Allen place, and I always sot store by her,
+and her girl, Polly, wuz, as Thomas J. said, a peach. She had spent one
+of her college vacations with us, and a sweeter, prettier, brighter
+girl I don’t want to see. Her name is Pauline, but everybody calls her
+Polly.
+
+The Cagwins are rich, and Polly had every advantage money could give,
+and old Mom Nater gin her a lot of advantages money couldn’t buy,
+beauty and intellect, a big generous heart and charm. And you know the
+Cagwins couldn’t bought that at no price. Charm in a girl is like the
+perfume in a rose, and can’t be bought or sold. And you can’t handle or
+describe either on ’em exactly. But what a influence they have; how
+they lay holt of your heart and fancy.
+
+Royal Gray, the young man who wuz payin’ attention to her, stopped once
+for a day or two in Jonesville with Polly and her Ma on their way to
+the Cagwins’ camp in the Adirondacks. And we all liked him so well that
+we agreed in givin’ him this extraordinary praise, we said he wuz
+worthy of Polly, we knowed of course that wuz the highest enconium
+possible for us to give.
+
+Good lookin’, smart as a whip, and deep, you could see that by lookin’
+into his eyes, half laughin’ and half serious eyes and kinder sad
+lookin’ too under the fun, as eyes must be in this world of ourn if
+they look back fur, or ahead much of any. A queer world this is, and
+kinder sad and mysterious, behind all the good and glory on’t.
+
+He wuz jest out of Harvard school and as full of life and sperits as a
+colt let loose in a clover field. He went out in the hay field, he and
+Polly, and rode home on top of a load of hay jest as nateral and easy
+and bare-headed as if he wuz workin’ for wages, and he the only son of
+a millionaire—we all took to him.
+
+Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin’ to visit Washington, D.C.,
+all the neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey
+wanted a dozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry.
+
+Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him
+a paper of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new
+kind of string beans and some cowcumber seeds.
+
+Uncle Jarvis Bentley, who wuz goin’ to paint his house, wanted me to
+ask the President what kind of paint he used on the White House. He
+thought it ort to be a extra kind to stand the sharp glare that wuz
+beatin’ down on it constant, and to ask him if he didn’t think the
+paint would last longer and the glare be mollified some if they used
+pure white and clear ile in it, and left off whitewash and karseen.
+
+Ardelia Rumsey, who is goin’ to be married, wanted me, if I see any new
+kinds of bedquilt patterns at the White House or the Senator’s housen,
+to git patterns for ’em. She said she wuz sick of sun flowers and
+blazin’ stars. She thought mebby they’d have sunthin’ new, spread eagle
+style. She said her feller wuz goin’ to be connected with the Govermunt
+and she thought it would be appropriate.
+
+And I asked her how. And she said he wuz goin’ to git a patent on a new
+kind of jack knife.
+
+I told her that if she wanted a govermunt quilt and wanted it
+appropriate she ort to have a crazy quilt.
+
+And she said she had jest finished a crazy quilt with seven thousand
+pieces of silk in it, and each piece trimmed with seven hundred
+stitches of feather stitchin’—she’d counted ’em. And then I remembered
+seein’ it. There wuz a petition fer wimmen’s rights and I remember
+Ardelia couldn’t sign it for lack of time. She wanted to, but she
+hadn’t got the quilt more than half done. It took the biggest heft of
+two years to do it. And so less important things had to be put aside.
+
+And Ardelia’s mother wanted to sign it, but she couldn’t owin’ to a
+bed-spread she wuz makin’. She wuz quiltin’ in Noah’s Ark and all the
+animals on a Turkey red quilt. I remember she wuz quiltin’ the camel
+that day and couldn’t be disturbed, so we didn’t git the names. It took
+the old lady three years, and when it wuz done it wuz a sight to
+behold, though I wouldn’t want to sleep under so many animals. But
+folks went from fur and near to see it, and I enjoyed lookin’ at it
+that day.
+
+Zebulin Coon wanted me to carry a new hen coop of hisen to git
+patented. And I thought to myself I wonder if they will ask me to carry
+a cow.
+
+And sure enough Elnathan Purdy wanted me to dicker for a calf from
+Mount Vernon, swop one of his yearlin’s for it.
+
+But the errents Serepta Pester sent wuz fur more hefty and momentous
+than all the rest put together, calves, hen coop, cow and all.
+
+And when she told ’em over to me, and I meditated on her reasons for
+sendin’ ’em and her need of havin’ ’em done, I felt that I would do the
+errents for her if a breath wuz left in my body. She come for a all
+day’s visit; and though she is a vegetable widow and humbly, I wuz
+middlin’ glad to see her. But thinkses I as I carried her things into
+my bedroom, “She’ll want to send some errent by me”; and I wondered
+what it would be.
+
+And so it didn’t surprise me when she asked me if I would lobby a
+little for her in Washington. I spozed it wuz some new kind of tattin’
+or fancy work. I told her I shouldn’t have much time but would try to
+git her some if I could.
+
+And she said she wanted me to lobby myself. And then I thought mebby it
+wuz a new kind of dance and told her, “I wuz too old to lobby, I hadn’t
+lobbied a step since I wuz married.”
+
+And then she explained she wanted me to canvas some of the Senators.
+
+And I hung back and asked her in a cautious tone, “How many she wanted
+canvassed, and how much canvas it would take?”
+
+I had a good many things to buy for my tower, and though I wanted to
+obleege Serepta, I didn’t feel like runnin’ into any great expense for
+canvas.
+
+And then she broke off from that subject, and said she wanted her
+rights and wanted the Whiskey Ring broke up.
+
+And she talked a sight about her children, and how bad she felt to be
+parted from ’em, and how she used to worship her husband and how her
+hull life wuz ruined and the Whiskey Ring had done it, that and
+wimmen’s helpless condition under the law and she cried and wep’ and I
+did. And right while I wuz cryin’ onto that gingham apron, she made me
+promise to carry them two errents of hern to the President and git ’em
+done for her if I possibly could.
+
+She wanted the Whiskey Ring destroyed and her rights, and she wanted
+’em both inside of two weeks.
+
+I told her I didn’t believe she could git ’em done inside that length
+of time, but I would tell the President about it, and I thought more’n
+likely as not he would want to do right by her. “And,” sez I, “if he
+sets out to, he can haul them babies of yourn out of that Ring pretty
+sudden.”
+
+And then to git her mind offen her sufferin’s, I asked how her sister
+Azuba wuz gittin’ along? I hadn’t heard from her for years. She married
+Phileman Clapsaddle, and Serepty spoke out as bitter as a bitter
+walnut, and sez she:
+
+“She’s in the poor-house.”
+
+“Why, Serepta Pester!” sez I, “what do you mean?”
+
+“I mean what I say, my sister, Azuba Clapsaddle, is in the poor-house.”
+
+“Why, where is their property gone?” sez I. “They wuz well off. Azuba
+had five thousand dollars of her own when she married him.”
+
+“I know it,” sez she, “and I can tell you, Josiah Allen’s wife, where
+their property has gone, it has gone down Phileman Clapsaddle’s throat.
+Look down that man’s throat and you will see 150 acres of land, a good
+house and barn, twenty sheep and forty head of cattle.”
+
+“Why-ee!” sez I.
+
+“Yes, and you’ll see four mules, a span of horses, two buggies, a
+double sleigh, and three buffalo robes. He’s drinked ’em all up, and
+two horse rakes, a cultivator, and a thrashin’ machine.”
+
+“Why-ee!” sez I agin. “And where are the children?”
+
+“The boys have inherited their father’s habits and drink as bad as he
+duz and the oldest girl has gone to the bad.”
+
+“Oh dear! oh dear me!” sez I, and we both sot silent for a spell. And
+then thinkin’ I must say sunthin’ and wantin’ to strike a safe subject
+and a good lookin’ one, I sez:
+
+“Where is your Aunt Cassandra’s girl? That pretty girl I see to your
+house once?”
+
+“That girl is in the lunatick asylum.”
+
+“Serepta Pester,” sez I, “be you tellin’ the truth?”
+
+“Yes, I be, the livin’ truth. She went to New York to buy millinery
+goods for her mother’s store. It wuz quite cool when she left home and
+she hadn’t took off her winter clothes, and it come on brilin’ hot in
+the city, and in goin’ about from store to store the heat and hard work
+overcome her and she fell down in a sort of faintin’ fit and wuz called
+drunk and dragged off to a police court by a man who wuz a animal in
+human shape. And he misused her in such a way that she never got over
+the horror of what befell her when she come to to find herself at the
+mercy of a brute in a man’s shape. She went into a melancholy madness
+and wuz sent to the asylum.”
+
+I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a
+spell. But thinkin’ I must be sociable I sez: “Your aunt Cassandra is
+well, I spoze?”
+
+“She is moulderin’ in jail,” sez she.
+
+“In jail? Cassandra in jail!”
+
+“Yes, in jail.” And Serepta’s tone wuz now like worm-wood and gall.
+
+“You know she owns a big property in tenement houses and other
+buildings where she lives. Of course her taxes wuz awful high, and she
+didn’t expect to have any voice in tellin’ how that money, a part of
+her own property that she earned herself in a store, should be used.
+But she had been taxed high for new sidewalks in front of some of her
+buildin’s. And then another man come into power in that ward, and he
+naterally wanted to make some money out of her, so he ordered her to
+build new sidewalks. And she wouldn’t tear up a good sidewalk to please
+him or anybody else, so she wuz put to jail for refusin’ to comply with
+the law.”
+
+Thinkses I, I don’t believe the law would have been so hard on her if
+she hadn’t been so humbly. The Pesters are a humbly lot. But I didn’t
+think it out loud, and didn’t ophold the law for feelin’ so. I sez in
+pityin’ tones, for I wuz truly sorry for Cassandra Keeler:
+
+“How did it end?”
+
+“It hain’t ended,” sez she, “it only took place a month ago and she has
+got her grit up and won’t pay; and no knowin’ how it will end; she lays
+there amoulderin’.”
+
+I don’t believe Cassanda wuz mouldy, but that is Serepta’s way of
+talkin’, very flowery.
+
+“Well,” sez I, “do you think the weather is goin’ to moderate?”
+
+I truly felt that I dassent speak to her about any human bein’ under
+the sun, not knowin’ what turn she would give to the talk, bein’ so
+embittered. But I felt that the weather wuz safe, and cotton stockin’s,
+and hens, and factory cloth, and I kep’ her down on them for more’n two
+hours.
+
+But good land! I can’t blame her for bein’ embittered agin men and the
+laws they’ve made, for it seems as if I never see a human creeter so
+afflicted as Serepta Pester has been all her life.
+
+Why, her sufferin’s date back before she wuz born, and that’s goin’
+pretty fur back. Her father and mother had some difficulty and he wuz
+took down with billerous colick, voylent four weeks before Serepta wuz
+born. And some think it wuz the hardness between ’em and some think it
+wuz the gripin’ of the colick when he made his will, anyway he willed
+Serepta away, boy or girl whichever it wuz, to his brother up on the
+Canada line.
+
+So when Serepta wuz born (and born a girl ontirely onbeknown to her)
+she wuz took right away from her mother and gin to this brother. Her
+mother couldn’t help herself, he had the law on his side. But it killed
+her. She drooped away and died before the baby wuz a year old. She wuz
+a affectionate, tenderhearted woman and her husband wuz overbearin’ and
+stern always.
+
+But it wuz this last move of hisen that killed her, for it is pretty
+tough on a mother to have her baby, a part of her own life, took right
+out of her own arms and gin to a stranger. For this uncle of hern wuz a
+entire stranger to Serepta, and almost like a stranger to her father,
+for he hadn’t seen him since he wuz a boy, but knew he hadn’t any
+children and spozed that he wuz rich and respectable. But the truth wuz
+he had been runnin’ down every way, had lost his property and his
+character, wuz dissipated and mean. But the will wuz made and the law
+stood. Men are ashamed now to think that the law wuz ever in voge, but
+it wuz, and is now in some of the states, and the poor young mother
+couldn’t help herself. It has always been the boast of our American law
+that it takes care of wimmen. It took care of her. It held her in its
+strong protectin’ grasp so tight that the only way she could slip out
+of it wuz to drop into the grave, which she did in a few months. Then
+it leggo.
+
+But it kep’ holt of Serepta, it bound her tight to her uncle while he
+run through with what property she had, while he sunk lower and lower
+until at last he needed the very necessaries of life and then he bound
+her out to work to a woman who kep’ a drinkin’ den and the lowest hant
+of vice.
+
+Twice Serepta run away, bein’ virtuous but humbly, but them strong
+protectin’ arms of the law that had held her mother so tight reached
+out and dragged her back agin. Upheld by them her uncle could compel
+her to give her service wherever he wanted her to work, and he wuz
+owin’ this woman and she wanted Serepta’s work, so she had to submit.
+
+But the third time she made a effort so voyalent that she got away. A
+good woman, who bein’ nothin’ but a woman couldn’t do anything towards
+onclinchin’ them powerful arms that wuz protectin’ her, helped her to
+slip through ’em. And Serepta come to Jonesville to live with a sister
+of that good woman; changed her name so’s it wouldn’t be so easy to
+find her; grew up to be a nice industrious girl. And when the woman she
+wuz took by died she left Serepta quite a handsome property.
+
+And finally she married Lank Burpee, and did considerable well it wuz
+spozed. Her property, put with what little he had, made ’em a
+comfortable home and they had two pretty children, a boy and a girl.
+But when the little girl wuz a baby he took to drinkin’, neglected his
+bizness, got mixed up with a whiskey ring, whipped Serepta—not so very
+hard. He went accordin’ to law, and the law of the United States don’t
+approve of a man’s whippin’ his wife enough to endanger her life, it
+sez it don’t. He made every move of hisen lawful and felt that Serepta
+hadn’t ort to complain and feel hurt. But a good whippin’ will make
+anybody feel hurt, law or no law. And then he parted with her and got
+her property and her two little children. Why, it seemed as if
+everything under the sun and moon, that could happen to a woman, had
+happened to Serepta, painful things and gauldin’.
+
+Jest before Lank parted with her, she fell on a broken sidewalk: some
+think he tripped her up, but it never wuz proved. But anyway Serepta
+fell and broke her hip hone; and her husband sued the corporation and
+got ten thousand dollars for it. Of course the law give the money to
+him and she never got a cent of it. But she wouldn’t have made any fuss
+over that, knowin’ that the law of the United States wuz such. But what
+made it so awful mortifyin’ to her wuz, that while she wuz layin’ there
+achin’ in splints, he took that very money and used it to court up
+another woman with. Gin her presents, jewelry, bunnets, head-dresses,
+artificial flowers out of Serepta’s own hip money.
+
+And I don’t know as anything could be much more gauldin’ to a woman
+than that—while she lay there groanin’ in splints, to have her husband
+take the money for her own broken bones and dress up another woman like
+a doll with it.
+
+But the law gin it to him, and he wuz only availin’ himself of the
+glorious liberty of our free Republic, and doin’ as he wuz a mind to.
+And it wuz spozed that that very hip money wuz what made the match. For
+before she wuz fairly out of splints he got a divorce from her and
+married agin. And by the help of Serepta’s hip money and the Whiskey
+Ring he got her two little children away from her.
+
+
+
+
+II.
+“THEY CAN’T BLAME HER”
+
+
+And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta for
+gittin’ mad and wantin’ her rights and wantin’ the Whiskey Ring broke
+up, when they think how she’s been fooled round with by men; willed
+away, and whipped, and parted with, and stole from. Why, they can’t
+blame her for feelin’ fairly savage about ’em, as she duz.
+
+For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin’ it over, how everything
+had happened to her. “Yes,” sez she, with a axent like bone-set and
+vinegar, “and what few things hain’t happened to me has happened to my
+folks.”
+
+And sure enough I couldn’t dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and
+sufferin’s seemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen. Why, one
+of her aunts on her father’s side, Huldah Pester, married for her first
+husband, Eliphelet Perkins. He wuz a minister, rode on a circuit, and
+he took Huldah on it too, and she rode round with him on it a good deal
+of the time. But she never loved to, she wuz a woman that loved to be
+still, and kinder settled down at home.
+
+But she loved Eliphelet so well that she would do anything to please
+him, so she rode round with him on that circuit till she wuz perfectly
+fagged out.
+
+He wuz a dretful good man to her, but he wuz kinder poor and they had
+hard times to git along. But what property they had wuzn’t taxed, so
+that helped some, and Huldah would make one dollar go a good ways.
+
+No, their property wuzn’t taxed till Eliphelet died. Then the
+supervisor taxed it the very minute the breath left his body; run his
+horse, so it wuz said, so’s to be sure to git it onto the tax list, and
+comply with the law.
+
+You see Eliphelet’s salary stopped when his breath did. And I spoze the
+law thought, seein’ she wuz havin’ trouble, she might jest as well have
+a little more; so it taxed all the property it never had taxed a cent
+for before.
+
+But she had this to console her that the law didn’t forgit her in her
+widowhood. No; the law is quite thoughtful of wimmen by spells. It sez
+it protects wimmen. And I spoze that in some mysterious way, too deep
+for wimmen to understand, it wuz protectin’ her now.
+
+Well, she suffered along and finally married agin. I wondered why she
+did. But she wuz such a quiet, home-lovin’ woman that it wuz spozed she
+wanted to settle down and be kinder still and sot. But of all the bad
+luck she had. She married on short acquaintance, and he proved to be a
+perfect wanderer. He couldn’t keep still, it wuz spozed to be a mark.
+
+He moved Huldah thirteen times in two years, and at last he took her
+into a cart, a sort of covered wagon, and traveled right through the
+western states with her. He wanted to see the country and loved to live
+in the wagon, it wuz his make. And, of course, the law give him control
+of her body, and she had to go where he moved it, or else part with
+him. And I spoze the law thought it wuz guardin’ and nourishin’ her
+when it wuz joltin’ her over them prairies and mountains and abysses.
+But it jest kep’ her shook up the hull of the time.
+
+It wuz the regular Pester luck.
+
+And then another of her aunts, Drusilly Pester, married a industrious,
+hard-workin’ man, one that never drinked, wuz sound on the doctrines,
+and give good measure to his customers, he wuz a groceryman. And a
+master hand for wantin’ to foller the laws of his country as tight as
+laws could be follered. And so knowin’ that the law approved of
+moderate correction for wimmen, and that “a man might whip his wife,
+but not enough to endanger her life”; he bein’ such a master hand for
+wantin’ to do everything faithful and do his very best for his
+customers, it wuz spozed he wanted to do the best for the law, and so
+when he got to whippin’ Drusilly, he would whip her too severe, he
+would be too faithful to it.
+
+You see what made him whip her at all wuz she wuz cross to him. They
+had nine little children, she thought two or three children would be
+about all one woman could bring up well by hand, when that hand wuz so
+stiff and sore with hard work.
+
+But he had read some scareful talk from high quarters about Race
+Suicide. Some men do git real wrought up about it and want everybody to
+have all the children they can, jest as fast as they can, though wimmen
+don’t all feel so.
+
+Aunt Hetty Sidman said, “If men had to born ’em and nuss ’em
+themselves, she didn’t spoze they would be so enthusiastick about it
+after they had had a few, ‘specially if they done their own housework
+themselves,” and Aunt Hetty said that some of the men who wuz exhortin’
+wimmen to have big families, had better spend some of their strength
+and wind in tryin’ to make this world a safer place for children to be
+born into.
+
+She said they’d be better off in Nonentity than here in this world with
+saloons on every corner, and war-dogs howlin’ at ’em.
+
+I don’t know exactly what she meant by Nonentity, but guess she meant
+the world we all stay in, before we are born into this one.
+
+Aunt Hetty has lost five boys, two by battle and three by licensed
+saloons, that makes her talk real bitter, but to resoom. I told Josiah
+that men needn’t worry about Race Suicide, for you might as well try to
+stop a hen from makin’ a nest, as to stop wimmen from wantin’ a baby to
+love and hold on her heart. But sez I, “Folks ort to be moderate and
+mejum in babies as well as in everything else.”
+
+But Drusilly’s husband wanted twelve boys he said, to be law-abidin’
+citizens as their Pa wuz, and a protection to the Govermunt, and to be
+ready to man the new warships, if a war broke out. But her babies wuz
+real pretty and cunning, and she wuz so weak-minded she couldn’t enjoy
+the thought that if our male statesmen got to scrappin’ with some other
+nation’s male law-makers and made another war, of havin’ her grown-up
+babies face the cannons. I spoze it wuz when she wuz so awful tired she
+felt so.
+
+You see she had to do every mite of her housework, and milk cows, and
+make butter and cheese, and cook and wash and scour, and take all the
+care of the children day and night in sickness and health, and make
+their clothes and keep ’em clean. And when there wuz so many of ’em and
+she enjoyin’ real poor health, I spoze she sometimes thought more of
+her own achin’ back than she did of the good of the Govermunt—and she
+would git kinder discouraged sometimes and be cross to him. And knowin’
+his own motives wuz so high and loyal, he felt that he ort to whip her,
+so he did.
+
+And what shows that Drusilly wuzn’t so bad after all and did have her
+good streaks and a deep reverence for the law is, that she stood his
+whippin’s first-rate, and never whipped him. Now she wuz fur bigger
+than he wuz, weighed eighty pounds the most, and might have whipped him
+if the law had been such. But they wuz both law-abidin’ and wanted to
+keep every preamble, so she stood it to be whipped, and never once
+whipped him in all the seventeen years they lived together. She died
+when her twelfth child wuz born. There wuz jest ten months difference
+between that and the one next older. And they said she often spoke out
+in her last sickness, and said, “Thank fortune, I’ve always kep’ the
+law!” And they said the same thought wuz a great comfort to him in his
+last moments. He died about a year after she did, leavin’ his second
+wife with twins and a good property.
+
+Then there wuz Abagail Pester. She married a sort of a high-headed man,
+though one that paid his debts, wuz truthful, good lookin’, and played
+well on the fiddle. Why, it seemed as if he had almost every
+qualification for makin’ a woman happy, only he had this one little
+eccentricity, he would lock up Abagail’s clothes every time he got mad
+at her.
+
+Of course the law give her clothes to him, and knowin’ that it wuz the
+law in the state where they lived, she wouldn’t have complained only
+when they had company. But it wuz mortifyin’, nobody could dispute it,
+to have company come and have nothin’ to put on. Several times she had
+to withdraw into the woodhouse, and stay most all day there shiverin’,
+and under the suller stairs and round in clothes presses. But he
+boasted in prayer meetin’s and on boxes before grocery stores that he
+wuz a law-abidin’ citizen, and he wuz. Eben Flanders wouldn’t lie for
+anybody.
+
+But I’ll bet Abagail Flanders beat our old revolutionary four-mothers
+in thinkin’ out new laws, when she lay round under stairs and behind
+barrels in her night-gown. When a man hides his wife’s stockin’s and
+petticoats it is governin’ without the consent of the governed. If you
+don’t believe it you’d ort to peeked round them barrels and seen
+Abagail’s eyes, they had hull reams of by-laws in ’em and preambles,
+and Declarations of Independence, so I’ve been told. But it beat
+everything I ever hearn on, the lawful sufferin’s of them wimmen. For
+there wuzn’t nothin’ illegal about one single trouble of theirn. They
+suffered accordin’ to law, every one on ’em. But it wuz tuff for ’em,
+very tuff. And their bein’ so dretful humbly wuz another drawback to
+’em, though that too wuz perfectly lawful, as everybody knows.
+
+And Serepta looked as bad agin as she would otherwise on account of her
+teeth. It wuz after Lank had begun to git after this other woman, and
+wuz indifferent to his wife’s looks that Serepta had a new set of teeth
+on her upper jaw. And they sot out and made her look so bad it fairly
+made her ache to look at herself in the glass. And they hurt her gooms
+too, and she carried ’em back to the dentist and wanted him to make her
+another set, but he acted mean and wouldn’t take ’em back, and sued
+Lank for the pay. And they had a law-suit. And the law bein’ such that
+a woman can’t testify in court, in any matter that is of mutual
+interest to husband and wife, and Lank wantin’ to act mean, said that
+they wuz good sound teeth.
+
+And there Serepta sot right in front of ’em with her gooms achin’ and
+her face all swelled out, and lookin’ like furiation, and couldn’t say
+a word. But she had to give in to the law. And ruther than go toothless
+she wears ’em to this day, and I believe it is the raspin’ of them
+teeth aginst her gooms and her discouraged, mad feelin’s every time she
+looks in the glass that helps embitter her towards men, and the laws
+men have made, so’s a woman can’t have control of her own teeth and her
+own bones.
+
+Serepta went home about 5 P.M., I promisin’ sacred to do her errents
+for her.
+
+And I gin a deep, happy sithe after I shot the door behind her, and I
+sez to Josiah I do hope that’s the very last errent we will have to
+carry to Washington, D.C., for the Jonesvillians.
+
+“Yes,” says he, “an’ I guess I will get a fresh pail of water and hang
+on the tea kettle for you.”
+
+“And,” I says, “it’s pretty early for supper, but I’ll start it, for I
+do feel kinder gone to the stomach. Sympathy is real exhaustin’.
+Sometimes I think it tires me more’n hard work. And Heaven knows I
+sympathized with Serepta. I felt for her full as much as if she was one
+of the relations on _his_ side.”
+
+But if you’ll believe it, I had hardly got the words out of my mouth
+and Josiah had jest laid holt of the water pail, when in comes
+Philander Dagget, the President of the Jonesville Creation Searchin’
+Society and, of course, he had a job for us to do on our tower. This
+Society was started by the leadin’ men of Jonesville, for the purpose
+of searchin’ out and criticizin’ the affairs of the world, an’ so far
+as possible advisin’ and correctin’ the meanderin’s an’ wrong-doin’s of
+the universe.
+
+This Society, which we call the C.S.S. for short, has been ruther quiet
+for years. But sence woman’s suffrage has got to be such a prominent
+question, they bein’ so bitterly opposed to it, have reorganized and
+meet every once in a while, to sneer at the suffragettes and poke fun
+at ’em and show in every way they can their hitter antipathy to the
+cause.
+
+Philander told me if I see anything new and strikin’ in the way of
+Society badges and regalia, to let him know about it, for he said the
+C.S.S. was goin’ to take a decided stand and show their colors. They
+wuz goin’ to help protect his women endangered sect, an’ he wanted
+sunthin’ showy and suggestive.
+
+I thought of a number of badges and mottoes that I felt would be
+suitable for this Society, but dassent tell ’em to him, for his idees
+and mine on this subject are as fur apart as the two poles. He talked
+awful bitter to me once about it, and I sez to him:
+
+“Philander, the world is full of good men, and there are also bad men
+in the world, and, sez I, did you ever in your born days see a bad man
+that wuzn’t opposed to Woman’s Suffrage? All the men who trade in, and
+profit by, the weakness and sin of men and women, they every one of
+’em, to a man, fight agin it. And would they do this if they didn’t
+think that their vile trades would suffer if women had the right to
+vote? It is the great-hearted, generous, noble man who wants women to
+become a real citizen with himself—which she is not now—she is only a
+citizen just enough to be taxed equally with man, or more
+exhorbitantly, and be punished and executed by the law she has no hand
+in makin’.”
+
+Philander sed, “I have always found it don’t pay to talk with women on
+matters they don’t understand.”
+
+An’ he got up and started for the door, an’ Josiah sed, “No, it don’t
+pay, not a cent; I’ve always said so.”
+
+But I told Philander I’d let him know if I see anything appropriate to
+the C.S.S. Holdin’ back with a almost Herculaneum effort the mottoes
+and badges that run through my mind as bein’ appropriate to their
+society; knowin’ it would make him so mad if I told him of ’em—he never
+would neighbor with us again. And in three days’ time we sot sail. We
+got to the depo about an hour too early, but I wuz glad we wuz on time,
+for it would have worked Josiah up dretfully ef we hadn’t been, for he
+had spent most of the latter part of the night in gittin’ up and
+walkin’ out to the clock seein’ if it wuz train time. Jest before we
+started, who should come runnin’ down to the depo but Sam Nugent
+wantin’ to send a errent by me to Washington. He wunk me out to one
+side of the waitin’ room, and ast “if I’d try to git him a license to
+steal horses.”
+
+It kinder runs in the blood of the Nugents to love to steal, and he
+owned up it did, but he said he wanted the profit of it. But I told him
+I wouldn’t do any sech thing, an’ I looked at him in such a witherin’
+way that I should most probable withered him, only he is blind in one
+side, and I wuz on the blind side, but he argued with me, and said that
+it wuz no worse than to give licenses for other kinds of meanness.
+
+He said they give licenses now to steal—steal folkses senses away, and
+then they could steal everything else, and murder and tear round into
+every kind of wickedness. But he didn’t ask that. He wanted things done
+fair and square: he jest wanted to steal horses. He wuz goin’ West, and
+he thought he could do a good bizness, and lay up somethin’. If he had
+a license he shouldn’t be afraid of bein’ shet up or shot.
+
+But I refused the job with scorn; and jest as I wuz refusin’, the cars
+snorted, and I wuz glad they did. They seemed to express in that wild
+snort something of the indignation I felt.
+
+The idee!
+
+
+
+
+III.
+“POLLY’S EYES CROWED TENDER”
+
+
+Lorinda wuz dretful glad to see us and so wuz her husband and Polly.
+But the Reunion had to be put off on account of a spell her husband wuz
+havin’. Lorinda said she could not face such a big company as she’d
+invited while Hiram wuz havin’ a spell, and I agreed with her.
+
+Sez I, “Never, never, would I have invited company whilst Josiah wuz
+sufferin’ with one of his cricks.”
+
+Men hain’t patient under pain, and outsiders hain’t no bizness to hear
+things they say and tell on ’em. So Polly had to write to the relations
+puttin’ off the Reunion for one week. But Lorinda kep’ on cookin’ fruit
+cake and such that would keep, she had plenty of help, but loved to do
+her company cookin’ herself. And seein’ the Reunion wuz postponed and
+Lorinda had time on her hands, I proposed she should go with me to the
+big out-door meetin’ of the Suffragists, which wuz held in a nigh-by
+city.
+
+“Good land!” sez she, “nothin’ would tempt me to patronize anything so
+brazen and onwomanly as a out-door meetin’ of wimmen, and so onhealthy
+and immodest.” I see she looked reproachfully at Polly as she said it.
+Polly wuz arrangin’ some posies in a vase, and looked as sweet as the
+posies did, but considerable firm too, and I see from Lorinda’s looks
+that Polly wuz one who had to leave father and mother for principle’s
+sake.
+
+But I sez, “You’re cookin’ this minute, Lorinda, for a out-door
+meetin’” (she wuz makin’ angel cake). “And why is this meetin’ any more
+onwomanly or immodest than the camp-meetin’ where you wuz converted,
+and baptized the next Sunday in the creek?”
+
+“Oh, them wuz religious meetin’s,” sez she.
+
+“Well,” sez I, “mebby these wimmen think their meetin’ is religious.
+You know the Bible sez, ‘Faith and works should go together,’ and some
+of the leaders of this movement have showed by their works as religious
+a sperit and wielded aginst injustice to young workin’ wimmen as
+powerful a weepon as that axe of the ’Postles the Bible tells about.
+And you said you went every day to the Hudson-Fulton doin’s and hearn
+every out-door lecture; you writ me that there wuz probable a million
+wimmen attendin’ them out-door meetin’s, and that wuz curosity and
+pleasure huntin’ that took them, and this is a meetin’ of justice and
+right.”
+
+“Oh, shaw!” sez Lorinda agin, with her eye on Polly. “Wimmen have all
+the rights they want or need.” Lorinda’s husband bein’ rich and lettin’
+her have her way she is real foot loose, and don’t feel the need of any
+more rights for herself, but I told her then and there some of the
+wrongs and sufferin’s of Serepta Pester, and bein’ good-hearted (but
+obstinate and bigoted) she gin in that the errents wuz hefty, and that
+Serepta wuz to be pitied, but she insisted that wimmen’s votin’
+wouldn’t help matters.
+
+But Euphrasia Pottle, a poor relation from Troy, spoke up. “After my
+husband died one of my girls went into a factory and gits about half
+what the men git for the same work, and my oldest girl who teaches in
+the public school don’t git half as much for the same work as men do,
+and her school rooms are dark, stuffy, onhealthy, and crowded so the
+children are half-choked for air, and the light so poor they’re havin’
+their eyesight spilte for life, and new school books not needed at all,
+are demanded constantly, so some-one can make money.”
+
+“Yes,” sez I, “do you spoze, Lorinda, if intelligent mothers helped
+control such things they would let their children be made sick and
+blind and the money that should be used for food for poor hungry
+children be squandered on _on_-necessary books they are too faint with
+hunger to study.”
+
+“But wimmen’s votin’ wouldn’t help in such things,” sez Lorinda, as she
+stirred her angel cake vigorously.
+
+But Euphrasia sez, “My niece, Ellen, teaches in a state where wimmen
+vote and she gits the same wages men git for the same work, and her
+school rooms are bright and pleasant and sanitary, and the pupils, of
+course, are well and happy. And if you don’t think wimmen can help in
+such public matters just go to Seattle and see how quick a bad man wuz
+yanked out of his public office and a good man put in his place, mostly
+by wimmen’s efforts and votes.”
+
+“Yes,” sez I, “it is a proved fact that wimmen’s votes do help in these
+matters. And do you think, Lorinda, that if educated, motherly,
+thoughtful wimmen helped make the laws so many little children would be
+allowed to toil in factories and mines, their tender shoulders bearin’
+the burden of constant labor that wears out the iron muscles of men?”
+
+Polly’s eyes growed tender and wistful, and her little white hands
+lingered over her posies, and I knowed the hard lot of the poor, the
+wrongs of wimmen and children, the woes of humanity, wuz pressin’ down
+on her generous young heart. And I could see in her sweet face the
+brave determination to do and to dare, to try to help ondo the wrongs,
+and try to lift the burdens from weak and achin’ shoulders. But Lorinda
+kep’ on with the same old moth-eaten argument so broke down and feeble
+it ort to be allowed to die in peace.
+
+“Woman’s suffrage would make women neglect their homes and housework
+and let their children run loose into ruin.”
+
+I knowed she said it partly on Polly’s account, but I sez in surprise,
+“Why, Lorinda, it must be you hain’t read up on the subject or you
+would know wherever wimmen has voted they have looked out first of all
+for the children’s welfare. They have raised the age of consent, have
+closed saloons and other places of licensed evil, and in every way it
+has been their first care to help ’em to safer and more moral
+surroundin’s, for who has the interest of children more at heart than
+the mothers who bore them, children who are the light of their eyes and
+the hope of the future.”
+
+Lorinda admitted that the state of the children in the homes of the
+poor and ignorant wuz pitiful. “But,” sez she, “the Bible sez ‘ye shall
+always have the poor with you,’ and I spoze we always shall, with all
+their sufferin’s and wants. But,” sez she, “in well-to-do homes the
+children are safe and well off, and don’t need any help from woman
+legislation.”
+
+“Why, Lorinda,” sez I, “did you ever think on’t how such mothers may
+watch over and be the end of the law to their children with the
+father’s full consent during infancy when they’re wrastlin’ with
+teethin’, whoopin’-cough, mumps, etc., can be queen of the nursery,
+dispensor of pure air, sunshine, sanitary, and safe surroundin’s in
+every way, and then in a few years see ’em go from her into dark,
+overcrowded, unsanitary, carelessly guarded places, to spend the
+precious hours when they are the most receptive to influence and pass
+man-made pitfalls on their way to and fro, must stand helpless until in
+too many cases the innocent healthy child that went from her care
+returns to her half-blind, a physical and moral wreck. The mother who
+went down to death’s door for ’em, and had most to do in mouldin’ their
+destiny during infancy should have at least equal rights with the
+father in controllin’ their surroundin’s during their entire youth, and
+to do this she must have equal legal power or her best efforts are
+wasted. That this is just and right is as plain to me as the nose on my
+face and folks will see it bom-bye and wonder they didn’t before.
+
+“And wimmen who suffer most by the lack on’t, will be most interested
+in openin’ schools to teach the fine art of domestic service, teachin’
+young girls how to keep healthy comfortable homes and fit themselves to
+be capable wives and mothers. I don’t say or expect that wimmen’s
+votin’ will make black white, or wash all the stains from the
+legislative body at once, but I say that jest the effort to git
+wimmen’s suffrage has opened hundreds of bolted doors and full suffrage
+will open hundreds more. And I’m goin’ to that woman’s suffrage meetin’
+if I walk afoot.”
+
+But here Josiah spoke up, I thought he wuz asleep, he wuz layin’ on the
+lounge with a paper over his face. But truly the word, “Woman’s
+Suffrage,” rousts him up as quick as a mouse duz a drowsy cat, so, sez
+he, “I can’t let you go, Samantha, into any such dangerous and
+onwomanly affair.”
+
+“Let?” sez I in a dry voice; “that’s a queer word from one old pardner
+to another.”
+
+“I’m responsible for your safety, Samantha, and if anybody goes to that
+dangerous and onseemly meetin’ I will. Mebby Polly would like to go
+with me.” As stated, Polly is as pretty as a pink posy, and no matter
+how old a man is, nor how interestin’ and noble his pardner is, he
+needs girl blinders, yes, he needs ’em from the cradle to the grave.
+But few, indeed, are the female pardners who can git him to wear ’em.
+
+He added, “You know I represent you legally, Samantha; what I do is
+jest the same as though you did it.”
+
+Sez I, “Mebby that is law, but whether it is gospel is another
+question. But if you represent me, Josiah, you will have to carry out
+my plans; I writ to Diantha Smith Trimble that if I went to the city
+I’d take care of Aunt Susan a night or two, and rest her a spell; you
+know Diantha is a widder and too poor to hire a nurse. But seein’ you
+represent me you can set up with her Ma a night or two; she’s bed-rid
+and you’ll have to lift her round some, and give her her medicine and
+take care of Diantha’s twins, and let her git a good sleep.”
+
+“Well, as it were—Samantha—you know—men hain’t expected to represent
+wimmen in everything, it is mostly votin’ and tendin’ big meetin’s and
+such.”
+
+“Oh, I see,” sez I; “men represent wimmen when they want to, and when
+they don’t wimmen have got to represent themselves.”
+
+“Well, yes, Samantha, sunthin’ like that.”
+
+He didn’t say anything more about representin’ me, and Polly said she
+wuz goin’ to ride in the parade with some other college girls.
+Lorinda’s linement looked dark and forbiddin’ as Polly stated in her
+gentle, but firm way this ultimatum. Lorinda hated the idee of Polly’s
+jinin’ in what she called onwomanly and immodest doin’s, but I looked
+beamin’ly at her and gloried in her principles.
+
+After she went out Lorinda said to me in a complainin’ way, “I should
+think that a girl that had every comfort and luxury would be contented
+and thankful, and be willin’ to stay to home and act like a lady.”
+
+Sez I, “Nothin’ could keep Polly from actin’ like a lady, and mebby it
+is because she is so well off herself that makes her sorry for other
+young girls that have nothin’ but poverty and privation.”
+
+“Oh, nonsense!” sez Lorinda. But I knowed jest how it wuz. Polly bein’
+surrounded by all the good things money could give, and bein’ so
+tender-hearted her heart ached for other young girls, who had to spend
+the springtime of their lives in the hard work of earnin’ bread for
+themselves and dear ones, and she longed to help ’em to livin’ wages,
+so they could exist without the wages of sin, and too many on ’em had
+to choose between them black wages and starvation. She wanted to help
+’em to better surroundin’s and she knowed the best weepon she could put
+into their hands to fight the wolves of Want and Temptation, wuz the
+ballot. Polly hain’t a mite like her Ma, she favors the Smiths more,
+her grand-ma on her pa’s side wuz a Smith and a woman of brains and
+principle.
+
+Durin’ my conversation with Lorinda, I inquired about Royal Gray, for
+as stated, he wuz a great favorite of ourn, and I found out (and I
+could see it gaulded her) that when Polly united with the Suffragists
+he shied off some, and went to payin’ attention to another girl.
+Whether it wuz to make Polly jealous and bring her round to his way of
+thinkin’, I didn’t know, but mistrusted, for I could have took my oath
+that he loved Polly deeply and truly. To be sure he hadn’t confided in
+me, but there is a language of the eyes, when the soul speaks through
+’em, and as I’d seen him look at Polly my own soul had hearn and
+understood that silent language and translated it, that Polly wuz the
+light of his eyes, and the one woman in the world for him. And I
+couldn’t think his heart had changed so sudden. But knowin’ as I did
+the elastic nature of manly affection, I felt dubersome.
+
+This other girl, Maud Vincent, always said to her men friends, it wuz
+onwomanly to try to vote. She wuz one of the girls who always gloried
+in bein’ a runnin’ vine when there wuz any masculine trees round to
+lean on and twine about. One who always jined in with all the idees
+they promulgated, from neckties to the tariff, who declared cigar smoke
+wuz so agreeable and welcome; it did really make her deathly sick, but
+she would choke herself cheerfully and willin’ly if by so chokin’ she
+could gain manly favor and admiration.
+
+She said she didn’t believe in helpin’ poor girls, they wuz well enough
+off as it wuz, she wuz sure they didn’t feel hunger and cold as rich
+girls did, their skin wuz thicker and their stomachs different and
+stronger, and constant labor didn’t harm them, and working girls didn’t
+need recreation as rich girls did, and woman’s suffrage wouldn’t help
+them any; in her opinion it would harm them, and anyway the poor wuz
+on-grateful.
+
+She had the usual arguments on the tip of her tongue, for old Miss
+Vincent, the aunt she lived with, wuz a ardent She Aunty and very
+prominent in the public meetin’s the She Auntys have to try to compel
+the Suffragists not to have public meetin’s. They talk a good deal in
+public how onwomanly and immodest it is for wimmen to talk in public.
+And she wuz one of the foremost ones in tryin’ to git up a school to
+teach wimmen civics, to prove that they mustn’t ever have anything to
+do with civics.
+
+Yes, old Miss Vincent wuz a real active, ardent She Aunty, and Maud
+Genevieve takes after her. Royal Gray, his handsome attractive
+personality, and his millions, had long been the goal of Maud’s
+ambition. And how ardently did she hail the coolness growing between
+him and Polly, the little rift in the lute, and how zealously did she
+labor to make it larger.
+
+Polly and Royal had had many an argument on the subject, that is, he
+would begin by makin’ fun of the Suffragists and their militant doin’s,
+which if he’d thought on’t wuz sunthin’ like what his old revolutionary
+forbears went through for the same reasons, bein’ taxed without
+representation, and bein’ burdened and punished by the law they had no
+voice in making, only the Suffragettes are not nearly so severe with
+their opposers, they haven’t drawed any blood yet. Why, them old
+Patriots we revere so, would consider their efforts for freedom
+exceedingly gentle and tame compared to their own bloody battles.
+
+And Royal would make light of the efforts of college girls to help
+workin’ girls, and the encouragement and aid they’d gin ’em when they
+wuz strikin’ for less death-dealin’ hours of labor, and livin’ wages,
+and so forth. I don’t see how such a really noble young man as Royal
+ever come to argy that way, but spoze it wuz the dead hand of some
+rough onreasonable old ancestor reachin’ up out of the shadows of the
+past and pushin’ him on in the wrong direction.
+
+So when he begun to ridicule what Polly’s heart wuz sot on, when she
+felt that he wuz fightin’ agin right and justice, before they knowed it
+both pairs of bright eyes would git to flashin’ out angry sparks, and
+hash words would be said on both sides. That old long-buried Tory
+ancestor of hisen eggin’ him on, so I spoze, and Polly’s generous
+sperit rebellin’ aginst the injustice and selfishness, and mebby some
+warlike ancestor of hern pushin’ her on to say hash things. ’Tennyrate
+he had grown less attentive to her, and wuz bestowin’ his time and
+attentions elsewhere.
+
+And when she told him she wuz goin’ to ride in the automobile parade of
+the suffragists, but really ridin’ she felt towards truth and justice
+to half the citizens of the U.S., he wuz mad as a wet hen, a male wet
+hen, and wuz bound she shouldn’t go.
+
+Some men, and mebby it is love that makes ’em feel so (they say it is),
+and mebby it is selfishness (though they won’t own up to it), but they
+want the women they love to belong to them alone, want to rule
+absolutely over their hearts, their souls, their bodies, and all their
+thoughts and aims, desires, and fancies. They don’t really say they
+want ’em to wear veils, and be shet in behind lattice-windowed harems,
+but I believe they would enjoy it.
+
+They want to be foot loose and heart loose themselves, but always after
+Ulysses is tired of world wandering, he wants to come back and open the
+barred doors of home with his own private latch-key, and find Penelope
+knitting stockings for him with her veil on, waitin’ for him.
+
+That sperit is I spoze inherited from the days when our ancestor, the
+Cave man, would knock down the woman he fancied, with a club, and carry
+her off into his cave and keep her there shet up. But little by little
+men are forgettin’ their ancestral traits, and men and wimmen are
+gradually comin’ out of their dark caverns into the sunshine (for women
+too have inherited queer traits and disagreeable ones, but that is
+another story).
+
+Well, as I said, Royal wuz mad and told Polly that he guessed that the
+day of the Parade he would take Maud Vincent out in the country in his
+motor, to gather May-flowers. Polly told him she hoped they would have
+a good time, and then, after he had gone, drivin’ his car
+lickety-split, harem skarum, owin’ to his madness I spoze, Polly went
+upstairs and cried, for I hearn her, her room wuz next to ourn.
+
+And I deeply respected her for her principles, for he had asked her
+first to go May-flowering with him the day of the Suffrage meeting. But
+she refused, havin’ in her mind, I spoze, the girls that couldn’t hunt
+flowers, but had to handle weeds and thistles with bare hands
+(metaforically) and wanted to help them and all workin’ wimmen to
+happier and more prosperous lives.
+
+
+
+
+IV.
+“STRIVIN’ WITH THE EMISSARY”
+
+
+But I am hitchin’ the horse behind the wagon and to resoom backwards.
+The Reunion wuz put off a week and the Suffrage Meetin’ wuz two days
+away, so I told Lorinda I didn’t believe I would have a better time to
+carry Serepta Pester’s errents to Washington, D.C. Josiah said he
+guessed he would stay and help wait on Hiram Cagwin, and I approved
+on’t, for Lorinda wuz gittin’ wore out.
+
+And then Josiah made so light of them errents I felt that he would be a
+drawback instead of a help, for how could I keep a calm and noble frame
+of mind befittin’ them lofty errents, and how could I carry ’em stiddy
+with a pardner by my side pokin’ fun at ’em, and at me for carryin’
+’em, jarrin’ my sperit with his scorfin’ and onbelievin’ talk?
+
+And as I sot off alone in the trolley I thought of how they must have
+felt in old times a-carryin’ the Urim and Thumim. And though I hadn’t
+no idee what them wuz, yet I always felt that the carriers of ’em must
+have felt solemn and high-strung. Yes, my feelin’s wuz such as I felt
+of the heft and importance of them errents not alone to Serepta Pester,
+but to the hull race of wimmen that it kep’ my mental head rained up so
+high that I couldn’t half see and enjoy the sight of the most beautiful
+city in the world, and still I spoze its grandeur and glory sort o’
+filtered down through my conscientiousness, as cloth grows white under
+the sun’s rays onbeknown to it.
+
+Anon I left the trolley and walked some ways afoot. It wuz a lovely
+day, the sun shone down in golden splendor upon the splendor beneath
+it. Broad, beautiful clean streets, little fresh green parks,
+everywhere you could turn about, and big ones full of flowers and
+fountains, and trees and statutes.
+
+And anon or oftener I passed noble big stun buildings, where everything
+is made for the nation’s good and profit. Money and fish and wisdom and
+all sorts of patented things and garden seeds and tariffs and
+resolutions and treaties and laws of every shape and size, good ones
+and queer ones and reputations and rates and rebates, etc., etc. But it
+would devour too much time to even name over all that is made and
+onmade there, even if I knowed by name the innumerable things that are
+flowin’ constant out of that great reservoir of the Nation, with its
+vast crowd of law-makers settin’ on the lid, regulatin’ its flow and
+spreadin’ it abroad over the country, thick and thin.
+
+But on I went past the Capitol, the handsomest buildin’ on the Globe,
+standin’ in its own Eden of beauty. By the Public Library as long as
+from our house to Grout Hozleton’s, and I guess longer, and every foot
+on’t more beautifler ornamented than tongue can tell. But I didn’t
+dally tryin’ to pace off the size on’t, though it wuz enormous, for the
+thought of what I wuz carryin’ bore me on almost regardless of my
+matchless surroundin’s and the twinges of rumatiz.
+And anon I arrived at the White House, where my hopes and the hopes of
+my sect and Serepta Pester wuz sot. I will pass over my efforts to git
+into the Presence, merely sayin’ that they were arjous and extreme, and
+I wouldn’t probably have got in at all had not the Presence appeared
+with a hat on jest goin’ out for a walk, and see me as I wuz strivin’
+with the emissary for entrance. I spoze my noble mean, made more noble
+fur by the magnitude of what I wuz carryin’, impressed him, for suffice
+it to say inside of five minutes the Presence wuz back in his augience
+room, and I wuz layin’ out them errents of Serepta’s in front of him.
+
+He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin’ smilin’ man, a politer demeanored
+gentlemanly appearner man I don’t want to see. But his linement which
+had looked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I
+spread them errents before him and sez in conclusion:
+
+“Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance done
+away with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you to
+have nothin’ stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner,
+she offerin’ to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some
+emptins to start it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted ’em all
+by week after next without fail.”
+
+He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell,
+and kep’ a-fallin’. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to
+do it in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin’ how
+much wuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz
+tremblin’ in the balances, I spread them errents out before him. And
+bein’ truthful and above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin’
+disagreeable and very humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as
+though she wuz a wax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her
+relations had suffered from want of rights, and how dretfully she had
+suffered from the Ring till I declare talkin’ about them little
+children of hern, and her agony, I got about as fierce actin’ as
+Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to myself I talked powerful on
+intemperance and Rings, and such.
+
+When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried and
+anxious look on his good-natured face, and he sez: “The laws of the
+United States are such that I can’t do them errands, I can’t
+interfere.”
+
+“Then,” sez I, “why don’t you make the United States do right?”
+
+He said sunthin’ about the might of the majority, and the powerful
+corporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked very
+powerful and allegored about allowin’ a ring to be put round the United
+States and let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her
+round, a pitiful sight for men and angels. Sez I, “How duz it look
+before the nations to see Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?”
+
+He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks.
+
+Sez I, “Intemperance is bad for Serepta and bad for the Nation.”
+
+He murmured sunthin’ about the revenue the liquor trade brought the
+Govermunt.
+
+But I sez, “Every penny is money right out of the people’s pockets;
+every dollar the people pay into the liquor traffic that gives a few
+cents into the treasury, is costin’ the people ten times that dollar in
+the loss intemperance entails, loss of labor, by the inability of
+drunken men to do anything but wobble and stagger, loss of wealth by
+the enormous losses of property and taxation, of alms-houses,
+mad-houses, jails, police forces, paupers’ coffins, and the diggin’ of
+thousands and thousands of graves that are filled yearly by them that
+reel into ’em.” Sez I, “Wouldn’t it be better for the people to pay
+that dollar in the first place into the treasury than to let it filter
+through the dram-seller’s hands, a few cents of it fallin’ into the
+national purse at last, putrid and heavy with all these losses and
+curses and crimes and shames and despairs and agonies?”
+
+He seemed to think it would, I see by the looks of his linement he did.
+Every honorable man feels so in his heart, and yet they let the Liquor
+Ring control ’em and lead ’em round. “It is queer, queer as a dog.” Sez
+I, “The intellectual and moral power of the United States are rolled up
+and thrust into that Whiskey Ring and bein’ drove by the whiskey
+dealers jest where they want to drive ’em.” Sez I, “It controls New
+York village and nobody denies it, and the piety and philanthropy and
+culture and philosophy of that village has to be drawed along by that
+Ring.” And sez I, in low but startlin’ tones of principle:
+
+“Where, where is it a-drawin’ ’em to? Where is it drawin’ the hull
+nation to? Is it drawin’ ’em down into a slavery ten times more abject
+and soul-destroyin’ than African slavery ever wuz? Tell me,” sez I
+firmly, “tell me!”
+
+He did not try to frame a reply, he could not find a frame. He knowed
+it wuz a conundrum boundless as truth and God’s justice, and as
+solemnly deep in its sure consequences of evil as eternity, and as sure
+to come as that is.
+
+Oh, how solemn he looked, and how sorry I felt for him, for I knowed
+worse wuz to come, I knowed the sharpest arrow Serepta Pester had sent
+wuz yet to pierce his sperit. But I sort o’ blunted the edge on’t what
+I could conscientiously. Sez I, “I think myself Serepta is a little
+onreasonable, I myself am willin’ to wait three or four weeks. But
+she’s suffered dretful from intemperance from the Rings and from the
+want of rights, and her sufferin’s have made her more voylent in her
+demands and impatienter,” and then I fairly groaned as I did the rest
+of the errent, and let the sharpest arrow fly from the bo.
+
+“Serepta told me to tell you if you didn’t do these errents you should
+not be President next year.”
+
+He trembled like a popple leaf, and I felt that Serepta wuz threatenin’
+him too hard. Sez he, “I do not wish to be President again, I shall
+refuse to be nominated. At the same time I _do_ wish to be President
+and shall work hard for the nomination if you can understand the
+paradox.”
+
+“Yes,” sez I, “I understand them paradoxes. I’ve lived with ’em as you
+may say, all through my married life.”
+
+A clock struck in the next room and I knowed time wuz passin’ swift.
+
+Sez the President, “I would be glad to do Serepta’s errents, I think
+she is justified in askin’ for her rights, and to have the Ring
+destroyed, but I am not the one to do them.”
+
+Sez I, “Who is the man or men?”
+
+He looked all round the room and up and down as if in hopes he could
+see someone layin’ round on the floor, or danglin’ from the ceilin’,
+that would take the responsibility offen him, and in the very nick of
+time the door opened after a quick rap, and the President jumped up
+with a relieved look on his linement, and sez:
+
+“Here is the very man to do the errents.” And he hastened to introduce
+me to the Senator who entered. And then he bid me a hasty adoo, but
+cordial and polite, and withdrew himself.
+
+
+
+
+V.
+“HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE”
+
+
+I felt glad to have this Senator do Serepta’s errents, but I didn’t
+like his looks. My land! talk about Serepta Pester bein’ disagreeable,
+he wuz as disagreeable as she any day. He wuz kinder tall and looked
+out of his eyes and wore a vest. He wuz some bald-headed, and wore a
+large smile all the while, it looked like a boughten one that didn’t
+fit him, but I won’t say it wuz. I presoom he’ll be known by this
+description. But his baldness didn’t look to me like Josiah Allen’s
+baldness, and he didn’t have the noble linement of the President, no
+indeed. He wuz dretful polite, good land! politeness is no name for it,
+but I don’t like to see anybody too good. He drawed a chair up for me
+and himself and asked me:
+
+If he should have the inexpressible honor and delightful joy of aiding
+me in any way, if so to command him to do it or words to that effect. I
+can’t put down his second-hand smiles and genteel looks and don’t want
+to if I could.
+
+But tacklin’ hard jobs as I always tackle ’em, I sot down calm in front
+of him with my umbrell on my lap and told him all of Serepta’s errents,
+and how I had brought ’em from Jonesville on my tower. I told over all
+her sufferin’s and wrongs from the Rings and from not havin’ her
+rights, and all her sister’s Azuba Clapsaddle’s, and her Aunt Cassandra
+Keeler’s, and Hulda and Drusilly’s and Abagail Flanderses injustices
+and sufferin’s. I did her errents as honorable as I’d love to have one
+done for me, I told him all the petickulars, and as I finished I said
+firmly:
+
+“Now can you do Serepta Pesterses errents and will you?”
+
+He leaned forward with that disagreeable boughten smile of hisen and
+took up one corner of my mantilly, it wuz cut tab fashion, and he took
+up the tab and said in a low insinuatin’ voice, lookin’ clost at the
+edge of the tab:
+
+“Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein’ or can it be
+Kensington tattin’?”
+
+I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, in
+a tone of amiable anxiety, “Have I not heard a rumor that bangs are
+going out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like or
+a-pompadouris? Ah, women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one
+of ’em.” And he sithed, “You are very beautiful,” and he sithed agin, a
+sort of a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a
+chippin’ bird tappin’ his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it
+jest as much as he moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep’ on,
+puttin’ on a sort of a sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin’
+of him.
+
+“My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce,
+however carefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you.
+Have you a leanin’ toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied
+into the habits and traits of our American Wad?”
+
+“What?” sez I. For truly a woman’s curosity, however parlyzed by just
+indignation, can stand only just so much strain. “The what?”
+
+“The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that
+tailors make so much use of.”
+
+Sez I, “Do you mean waddin’ eight cents a sheet?”
+
+“Eight cents a pelt—yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing to
+the hardy habits of the animal.”
+
+Sez I, “Cease instantly. I will hear no more.”
+
+Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will
+use to wimmen, and I’d hearn of their lies, etc.; but truly I felt that
+the half had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:
+
+“I’ve hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side in
+Washington, D.C., as bein’ too triflin’ to attend to, while the
+Legislators pondered over and passed laws regardin’ hen’s eggs and
+bird’s nests. But this is goin’ too fur—too fur. But,” sez I firmly, “I
+shall do Serepta’s errents, and do ’em to the best of my ability, and
+you can’t draw off my attention from her wrongs and sufferin’s by
+talkin’ about wads.”
+
+“I would love to obleege Serepta,” sez he, “because she belongs to such
+a lovely sect. Wimmen are the loveliest, most angelic creatures that
+ever walked the earth; they are perfect, flawless, like snow and
+roses.”
+
+Sez I firmly, “They hain’t no such thing; they are disagreeable
+creeters a good deal of the time. They hain’t no better than men, but
+they ort to have their rights all the same. Now Serepta is disagreeable
+and kinder fierce actin’, and jest as humbly as they make wimmen, but
+that hain’t no sign she ort to be imposed upon; Josiah sez she hadn’t
+ort to have rights she is so humbly, but I don’t feel so.”
+
+“Who is Josiah?” sez he.
+
+Sez I, “My husband.”
+
+“Ah, your husband! Yes, wimmen should have husbands instead of rights.
+They do not need rights; they need freedom from all cares and
+sufferin’. Sweet lovely beings! let them have husbands to lift them
+above all earthly cares and trials! Oh! angels of our homes!” sez he,
+liftin’ his eyes to the heavens and kinder shettin’ ’em, some as if he
+wuz goin’ into a spazzum. “Fly around, ye angels, in your native hants;
+mingle not with rings and vile laws, flee away, flee above them!”
+
+And he kinder waved his hand back and forth in a floatin’ fashion up in
+the air, as if it wuz a woman flyin’ up there smooth and serene. It
+would have impressed some folks dretful, but it didn’t me. I sez
+reasonably:
+
+“Serepta would have been glad to flew above ’em, but the Ring and the
+vile laws lay holt of her onbeknown to her and dragged her down. And
+there she is all bruised and broken-hearted by ’em. She didn’t meddle
+with the political Ring, but the Ring meddled with her. How can she fly
+when the weight of this infamous traffic is holdin’ her down?”
+
+“Ahem!” sez he. “Ahem, as it were. As I was saying, my dear madam,
+these angelic angels of our homes are too ethereal, too dainty to
+mingle with rude crowds. We political men would fain keep them as they
+are now; we are willing to stand the rude buffetin’ of—of—voting, in
+order to guard these sweet delicate creatures from any hardships. Sweet
+tender beings, we would fain guard thee—ah, yes, ah, yes.”
+
+Sez I, “Cease instantly, or my sickness will increase, for such talk is
+like thoroughwort or lobelia to my moral and mental stomach. You know
+and I know that these angelic tender bein’s, half-clothed, fill our
+streets on icy midnights, huntin’ up drunken husbands and fathers and
+sons. They are driven to death and to moral ruin by the miserable want
+liquor drinkin’ entails. They are starved, they are froze, they are
+beaten, they are made childless and hopeless by drunken husbands
+killin’ their own flesh and blood. They go down into the cold waves and
+are drowned by drunken captains; they are cast from railways into death
+by drunken engineers; they go up on the scaffold and die for crimes
+committed by the direct aid of this agent of Hell.
+
+“Wimmen had ruther be flyin’ round than to do all this, but they can’t.
+If men really believed all they say about wimmen, and I think some on
+’em do in a dreamy sentimental way—If wimmen are angels, give ’em the
+rights of angels. Who ever hearn of a angel foldin’ up her wings and
+goin’ to a poor-house or jail through the fault of somebody else? Who
+ever hearn of a angel bein’ dragged off to police court for fightin’ to
+defend her children and herself from a drunken husband that had broke
+her wings and blacked her eyes, got the angel into the fight and then
+she got throwed into the streets and imprisoned by it? Who ever hearn
+of a angel havin’ to take in washin’ to support a drunken son or father
+or husband? Who ever hearn of a angel goin’ out as wet-nurse to git
+money to pay taxes on her home to a Govermunt that in theory idolizes
+her, and practically despises her, and uses that money in ways
+abominable to that angel. If you want to be consistent, if you’re bound
+to make angels of wimmen, you ort to furnish a free safe place for ’em
+to soar in. You ort to keep the angels from bein’ tormented and bruised
+and killed, etc.”
+
+“Ahem,” sez he, “as it were, ahem.”
+
+But I kep’ right on, for I begun to feel noble and by the side of
+myself:
+
+“This talk about wimmen bein’ outside and above all participation in
+the laws of her country, is jest as pretty as anything I ever hearn,
+and jest as simple. Why, you might jest as well throw a lot of
+snowflakes into the street, and say, ‘Some of ’em are female flakes and
+mustn’t be trompled on.’ The great march of life tromples on ’em all
+alike; they fall from one common sky, and are trodden down into one
+common ground.
+
+“Men and wimmen are made with divine impulses and desires, and human
+needs and weaknesses, needin’ the same heavenly light, and the same
+human aids and helps. The law should mete out to them the same rewards
+and punishments.
+
+“Serepta sez you call wimmen angels, and you don’t give ’em the rights
+of the lowest beasts that crawl on the earth. And Serepta told me to
+tell you that she didn’t ask the rights of a angel; she would be
+perfectly contented and proud, if you would give her the rights of a
+dog—the assured political rights of a yeller dog.’ She said yeller and
+I’m bound on doin’ her ’errent jest as she wanted it done, word for
+word.
+
+“A dog, Serepta sez, don’t have to be hung if it breaks the laws it is
+not allowed any hand in making; a dog don’t have to pay taxes on its
+bone to a Govermunt that withholds every right of citizenship from it;
+a dog hain’t called undogly if it is industrious and hunts quietly
+round for its bone to the best of its ability, and tries to git its
+share of the crumbs that falls from that table bills are laid on.
+
+“A dog hain’t preached to about its duty to keep home sweet and sacred,
+and then see that home turned into a place of danger and torment under
+laws that these very preachers have made legal and respectable. A dog
+don’t have to see its property taxed to advance laws it believes
+ruinous, and that breaks its own heart and the heart of other dear
+dogs. A dog don’t have to listen to soul-sickening speeches from them
+that deny it freedom and justice, about its bein’ a damask rose and a
+seraph, when it knows it hain’t; it knows, if it knows anything, that
+it is jest a plain dog.
+
+“You see Serepta has been embittered by the trials that politics,
+corrupt legislation have brought right onto her. She didn’t want
+nothin’ to do with ’em, but they come onto her onexpected and
+onbeknown, and she feels that she must do everything she can to alter
+matters. She wants to help make the laws that have such a overpowerin’
+influence over her. She believes they can’t be much worse than they are
+now, and may be a little better.”
+
+“Ah,” interrupted the Senator, “if Serepta wishes to change political
+affairs, let her influence her children, her boys, and they will carry
+her benign and noble influence forward into the centuries.”
+
+“But the law took her boy, her little boy and girl, away from her.
+Through the influence of the Whiskey Ring, of which her husband wuz a
+shinin’ member, he got possession of her boy. And so the law has made
+it perfectly impossible for her to mould it indirectly through him,
+what Serepta duz she must do herself.”
+
+“Ah! my dear woman. A sad thing for Serepta; I trust _you_ have no
+grievance of this kind, I trust that your estimable husband is, as it
+were, estimable.”
+
+“Yes, Josiah Allen is a good man, as good as men can be. You know men
+or wimmen can’t be only jest about so good anyway. But he’s my choice,
+and he don’t drink a drop.”
+
+“Pardon me, madam, but if you are happy in your married relations, and
+your husband is a temperate good man, why do you feel so upon this
+subject?”
+
+“Why, good land! if you understood the nature of a woman you would know
+my love for him, my happiness, the content and safety I feel about him
+and our boy, makes me realize the sufferin’s of Serepta in havin’ her
+husband and boy lost to her; makes me realize the depth of a wife’s and
+mother’s agony when she sees the one she loves goin’ down, down so low
+she can’t reach him; makes me feel how she must yearn to help him in
+some safe sure way.
+
+“High trees cast long shadows. The happier and more blessed a woman’s
+life is, the more duz she feel for them that are less blessed than she.
+Highest love goes lowest, like that love that left Heaven and descended
+to earth, and into it that He might lift up the lowly. The pityin’
+words of Him who went about pleasin’ not Himself, hants me and inspires
+me; I’m sorry for Serepta, sorry for the hull wimmen race of the
+nation, and for the men too. Lots of ’em are good creeters, better than
+wimmen, some on ’em. They want to do right, but don’t exactly see the
+way to do it. In the old slavery times some of the masters wuz more to
+be pitied than the slaves. They could see the injustice, feel the wrong
+they wuz doin’, but old chains of Custom bound ’em, social customs and
+idees had hardened into habits of thought.
+
+“They realized the size and heft of the evil, but didn’t know how to
+grapple with it, and throw it. So now, many men see the evils of this
+time, want to help, but don’t know the best way to lay holt of ’em.
+Life is a curious conundrum anyway, and hard to guess. But we can try
+to git the right answer to it as fur as we can. Serepta feels that one
+of the answers to the conundrum is in gittin’ her rights. I myself have
+got all the rights I need or want, as fur as my own happiness is
+concerned. My home is my castle (a story and a half wooden one, but
+dear). My towers elevate me, the companionship of my friends give
+social happiness, our children are prosperous and happy. We have
+property enough for all the comforts of life. And above all other
+things my Josiah is my love and my theme.”
+
+“Ah, yes!” sez he, “love is a woman’s empire, and in that she should
+find her full content—her entire happiness and thought. A womanly woman
+will not look outside that lovely and safe and beautious empire.”
+
+Sez I firmly, “If she hain’t a idiot she can’t help it. Love is the
+most beautiful thing on earth, the most holy and satisfyin’. But I do
+not ask you as a politician, but as a human bein’, which would you like
+best, the love of a strong, earnest tender nature, for in man or woman
+‘the strongest are the tenderest, the loving are the daring,’ which
+would you like best, the love and respect of such a nature full of wit,
+of tenderness, of infinite variety, or the love of a fool?
+
+“A fool’s love is wearin’, it is insipid at best, and it turns to
+vinegar. Why, sweetened water must turn to vinegar, it is its nater.
+And if a woman is bright and true-hearted, she can’t help seein’
+through an injustice. She may be happy in her own home. Domestic
+affection, social enjoyments, the delights of a cultured home and
+society, and the companionship of the man she loves and who loves her,
+will, if she is a true woman, satisfy her own personal needs and
+desires, and she would far ruther for her own selfish happiness rest
+quietly in that love, that most blessed home.
+
+“But the bright quick intellect that delights you can’t help seein’ an
+injustice, can’t help seein’ through shams of all kinds, sham
+sentiment, sham compliments, sham justice. The tender lovin’ nature
+that blesses your life can’t help feelin’ pity for them less blessed
+than herself. She looks down through the love-guarded lattice of her
+home from which your care would fain bar out all sights of woe and
+squaler, she looks down and sees the weary toilers below, the hopeless,
+the wretched. She sees the steep hills they have to climb, carryin’
+their crosses, she sees ’em go down into the mire, dragged there by the
+love that should lift ’em up. She would not be the woman you love if
+she could restrain her hand from liftin’ up the fallen, wipin’ tears
+from weepin’ eyes, speakin’ brave words for them that can’t speak for
+themselves. The very strength of her affection that would hold you up
+if you were in trouble or disgrace yearns to help all sorrowin’ hearts.
+
+“Down in your heart you can’t help admirin’ her for this, we can’t help
+respectin’ the one that advocates the right, the true, even if they are
+our conquerors. Wimmen hain’t angels; now to be candid, you know they
+hain’t. They hain’t any better than men. Men are considerable likely;
+and it seems curious to me that they should act so in this one thing.
+For men ort to be more honest and open than wimmen. They hain’t had to
+cajole and wheedle and use little trickeries and deceits and indirect
+ways as wimmen have. Why, cramp a tree limb and see if it will grow as
+straight and vigorous as it would in full freedom and sunshine.
+
+“Men ort to be nobler than women, sincerer, braver. And they ort to be
+ashamed of this one trick of theirn, for they know they hain’t honest
+in it, they hain’t generous. Give wimmen two or three generations of
+moral and legal freedom and see if men will laugh at ’em for their
+little deceits and affectations. No, men will be gentler, and wimmen
+nobler, and they will both come nearer bein’ angels, though most
+probable they won’t be any too good then, I hain’t a mite afraid of
+it.”
+
+
+
+
+VI.
+“CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH”
+
+
+The Senator kinder sithed, and that sithe sort o’ brought me down onto
+my feet agin as it were, and a sense of my duty, and I spoke out agin:
+
+“Can you and will you do Serepta’s errents?”
+
+He evaded a direct answer by sayin’, “As you alluded to the little
+indirect ways of women, dearest madam, you will pardon me for saying
+that it is my belief that the soft gentle brains of females are
+unfitted for the deep hard problems men have to grapple with. They are
+too doll-like, too angelically and sweetly frivolous.”
+
+“No doubt,” sez I, “some wimmen are frivolous and some men foolish, for
+as Mrs. Poyser said, ‘God made women to match the men,’ but these few
+hadn’t ort to disfranchise the hull race of men and wimmen. And as to
+soft brains, Maria Mitchell discovered planets hid from masculine eyes
+from the beginnin’ of time, and do you think that wimmen can’t see the
+black spots on the body politic, that darkens the life of her and her
+children?
+
+“Madame Curie discovered the light that looks through solid wood and
+iron, and you think wimmen can’t see through unjust laws and practices,
+the rampant evils of to-day, and see what is on the other side, see a
+remedy for ’em. Florence Nightingale could mother and help cure an
+army, and why hain’t men willin’ to let wimmen help cure a sick
+legislation, kinder mother it, and encourage it to do better? She might
+much better be doin’ that, than playin’ bridge-whist, or rastlin’ with
+hobble skirts, and it wouldn’t devour any more time.”
+
+He sot demute for a few minutes and then he sez, “While on the subject
+of women’s achievements, dearest madam, allow me to ask you, if they
+have reached the importance you claim for them, why is it that so few
+women are made immortal by bein’ represented in the Hall of Fame? And
+why are the four or five females represented there put away by
+themselves in a remote unadorned corner with no roof to protect them
+from the rough winds and storms that beat upon them?”
+
+Sez I, “That’s a good illustration of what I’ve been sayin’. It wuz
+owin’ to a woman’s gift that America has a Hall of Fame, and it would
+seem that common courtesy would give wimmen an equally desirable place
+amongst the Immortals. Do you spoze that if women formed half the
+committee of selection—which they should since it wuz a woman’s gift
+that made such a place possible—do you spoze that if she had an equal
+voice with men, the names of noble wimmen would be tucked away in a
+remote unroofed corner?
+
+“Edgar Allan Poe’s genius wuz worthy a place among the Immortals, no
+doubt; his poems and stories excite wonder and admiration. But do they
+move the soul like Mrs. Stowe’s immortal story that thrilled the world
+and helped free a race?—yes, two races—for the curse of slavery held
+the white race in bondage, too. Yet she and her three or four woman
+companions face the stormy winds in an out-of-the-way corner, while Poe
+occupies his honorable sightly place among his fifty or more male
+companions.
+
+“Wimmen have always been admonished to not strive for right and justice
+but to lean on men’s generosity and chivalry. Here wuz a place where
+that chivalry would have shone, but it didn’t seem to materialize, and
+if wimmen had leaned on it, it would have proved a weak staff, indeed.
+
+“Such things as this are constantly occurring and show plain that
+wimmen needs the ballot to protect her from all sorts of wrongs and
+indignities. Men take wimmen’s money, as they did here, and use it to
+uplift themselves, and lower her, like taxin’ her heavily and often
+unjustly and usin’ this money to help forward unjust laws which she
+abominates. And so it goes on, and will, until women are men’s equals
+legally and politically.”
+
+“Ahem—you present things in a new light. I never looked at this matter
+with your eyes.”
+
+“No, you looked at ’em through a man’s eyes; such things are so
+customary that men do ’em without thinkin’, from habit and custom, like
+hushin’ up children’s talk, when they interrupt grown-ups.”
+
+Agin he sot demute for a short space, and then said, “I feel that
+natural human instinct is aginst the change. In savage races that knew
+nothin’ of civilization, male force and strength always ruled.”
+
+“Why,” sez I, “history tells us of savage races where wimmen always
+rule, though I don’t think they ort to—ability and goodness ort to
+rule.”
+
+“Nature is aginst it,” sez he.
+
+But I sez firmly, “Bees and lots of other insects and animals always
+have a female for queen and ruler. They rule blindly and entirely,
+right on through the centuries, but we are enlightened and should not
+encourage it. In my opinion the male bee has just as good a right to be
+monarch as his female pardner has, if he is as good and knows as much.
+I never believed in the female workin’ ones killin’ off the male drones
+to save winterin’ ’em; they might give ’em some light chores to do
+round the hive to pay for their board. I love justice and that would be
+_my_ way.”
+
+Agin he sithed. “Modern history don’t seem to favor the scheme—” But
+his axent wuz as weak as a cat and his boughten smile seemed crackin’
+and wearin’ out; he knowed better.
+
+Sez I, “We won’t argy long on that p’int, for I might overwhelm you if
+I approved of overwhelmin’, but, will merely ask you to cast one eye on
+England. Was the rain of Victoria the Good less peaceful and prosperous
+than that of the male rulers who preceded her? And you can then throw
+your other eye over to Holland: is their sweet queen less worthy and
+beloved to-day than other European monarchs? And is her throne more
+shaky and tottlin’ than theirn?”
+
+He didn’t try to dispute me and bowed his head on his breast in a
+almost meachin’ way. He knowed he wuz beat on every side, and almost to
+the end of his chain of rusty, broken old arguments. But anon he
+brightened up agin and sez, ketchin’ holt of the last shackly link of
+his argument:
+
+“You seem to place a great deal of dependence on the Bible. The Bible
+is aginst the idee. The Bible teaches man’s supremacy, man’s absolute
+power and might and authority.”
+
+“Why, how you talk,” sez I. “In the very first chapter the Bible tells
+how man wuz turned right round by a woman, tells how she not only
+turned man round to do as she wanted him to, but turned the hull world
+over.
+
+“That hain’t nothin’ I approve of; I don’t speak of it because I like
+the idee. That wuzn’t done in a open honorable manner as things should
+be done. No, Eve ruled by indirect influence, the gently influencing
+men way, that politicians are so fond of. And she brought ruin and
+destruction onto the hull world by it.
+
+“A few years later when men and wimmen grew wiser, when we hear of
+wimmen rulin’ Israel openly and honestly, like Miriam, Deborah and
+other likely old four mothers, things went on better. They didn’t act
+meachin’ and tempt, and act indirect.”
+
+He sithed powerful and sot round oneasy in his chair. And sez he, “I
+thought wimmen wuz taught by the Bible to serve and love their homes.”
+
+“So they be. And every true woman loves to serve. Home is my supreme
+happiness and delight, and my best happiness is found in servin’ them I
+love. But I must tell the truth, in the house or outdoors.”
+
+Sez he faintly, “The Old Testament may teach that women have some
+strength and power. But in the New Testament in every great undertaken’
+and plan men have been chosen by God to carry them through.”
+
+“Why-ee!” sez I, “how you talk! Have you ever read the Bible?”
+
+He said evasively, his grandmother owned one, and he had seen it in
+early youth. And then he went on in a sort of apologizin’ way. He had
+always meant to read it, but he had entered political life at an early
+age where the Bible wuzn’t popular, and he believed that he had never
+read further than the Epistles of Gulliver to the Liliputians.
+
+Sez I, “That hain’t Bible, there hain’t no Gulliver in it, and you mean
+Galatians.”
+
+Well, he said, that might be it, it wuz some man he knew, and he had
+always heard and believed that man wuz the only worker that God had
+chosen.
+
+“Why,” sez I, “the one great theme of the New Testament—the salvation
+of the world through the birth of Christ—no man had anything to do
+with. Our divine Lord wuz born of God and Woman. Heavenly plan of
+redemption for fallen humanity. God Himself called woman into that
+work, the divine work of saving a world, and why shouldn’t she continue
+in it? God called her. Mary had no dream of publicity, no desire of a
+world’s work of suffering and renunciation. The soft air of Galilee
+wropped her about in its sweet content, as she dreamed her quiet dreams
+in maiden peace—dreamed, perhaps, of domestic love and happiness.
+
+“From that sweetest silence, the restful peace of happy innocent
+girlhood, God called her to her divine work of helpin’ redeem a world
+from sin. And did not this woman’s love and willin’ obedience, and
+sufferin’ set her apart, baptize her for this work of liftin’ up the
+fallen, helpin’ the weak?
+
+[Illustration: “He’d entered political life where the Bible wuzn’t
+popular; he’d never read further than Gulliver’s Epistle to the
+Liliputians.”]
+
+“Is it not a part of woman’s life that she gave at the birth and
+crucifixion? Her faith, her hope, her sufferin’, her glow of divine
+pity and joyful martyrdom. These, mingled with the divine, the pure
+heavenly, have they not for nineteen hundred years been blessin’ the
+world? The God in Christ would awe us too much; we would shield our
+eyes from the too blindin’ glory of the pure God-like. But the tender
+Christ who wept over a sinful city, and the grave of His friend, who
+stopped dyin’ on the cross to comfort His mother’s heart, provide for
+her future—it is this womanly element in our Lord’s nature that makes
+us dare to approach Him, dare to kneel at His feet?
+
+“And since woman wuz so blessed as to be counted worthy to be co-worker
+with God in the beginnin’ of the world’s redemption; since He called
+her from the quiet obscurity of womanly rest and peace into the blessed
+martyrdom of renunciation and toil and sufferin’, all to help a world
+that cared nothin’ for her, that cried out shame upon her.
+
+“He will help her carry on the work of helpin’ a sinful world. He will
+protect her in it, she cannot be harmed or hindered, for the cause she
+loves of helpin’ men and wimmen, is God’s cause too, and God will take
+care of His own. Herods full of greed and frightened selfishness may
+try to break her heart by efforts to kill the child she loves, but she
+will hold it so clost to her bosom he can’t destroy it; and the light
+of the Divine will go before her, showin’ the way through the desert
+and wilderness mebby, but she shall bear it into safety.”
+
+“You spoke of Herod,” sez he dreamily, “the name sounds familiar to me.
+Was not Mr. Herod once in the United States Senate?”
+
+“Not that one,” sez I. “He died some time ago, but I guess he has
+relatives there now, judgin’ from laws made there. You ask who Herod
+wuz, and as it all seems a new story to you, I will tell you. When the
+Saviour of the world wuz born in Bethlehem, and a woman wuz tryin’ to
+save His life, a man by the name of Herod wuz tryin’ his best out of
+selfishness and greed to murder Him.”
+
+“Ah! that was not right in Herod.”
+
+“No, it hain’t been called so. And what wuzn’t right in him hain’t
+right in his relations who are tryin’ to do the same thing to-day.
+Sellin’ for money the right to destroy the child the mother carries on
+her heart. Surroundin’ him with temptations so murderous, yet so
+enticin’ to youthful spirits, that the mother feels that as the laws
+are now, the grave is the only place of safety that God Himself can
+find for her boy. But because Herod wuz so mean it hain’t no sign that
+all men are mean. Joseph wuz as likely as he could be.”
+
+“Joseph?” sez he pensively. “Do you allude to our venerable speaker,
+Joe Cannon?”
+
+“No,” sez I. “I’m talkin’ Bible—I’m talkin’ about Joseph; jest plain
+Joseph.”
+
+“Ah! I see. I am not fully familiar with that work. Being so engrossed
+in politics, and political literature, I don’t git any time to devote
+to less important publications.”
+
+Sez I candidly, “I knew you hadn’t read it the minute you mentioned the
+book of Liliputians. But as I wuz sayin’, Joseph wuz a likely man. He
+had the strength to lead the way, overcome obstacles, keep dangers from
+Mary, protect her tenderer form with the mantilly of his generous
+devotion.
+
+“_But she carried the Child on her bosom_; ponderin’ high things in her
+heart that Joseph never dreamed of. That is what is wanted now, and in
+the future. The man and the woman walkin’ side by side. He a little
+ahead, mebby, to keep off dangers by his greater strength and courage.
+She a-carryin’ the infant Christ of Love, bearin’ the baby Peace in her
+bosom, carryin’ it into safety from them that seek to destroy it.
+
+“And as I said before, if God called woman into this work, He will
+enable her to carry it through. He will protect her from her own
+weaknesses, and the misapprehensions and hard judgments and injustices
+of a gain-sayin’ world.
+
+“Yes, the star of hope is risin’ in the sky brighter and brighter, and
+wise men are even now comin’ to the mother of the new Redeemer, led by
+the star.”
+
+He sot demute. Silence rained for some time; and finally I spoke out
+solemnly through the rain:
+
+“Will you do Serepta’s errents? Will you give her her rights? And will
+you break the Whiskey Ring?”
+
+He said he would love to do the errents, I had convinced him that it
+would be just and right to do ’em, but the Constitution of the United
+States stood up firm aginst ’em. As the laws of the United States wuz,
+he could not make any move toward doin’ either of the errents.
+
+Sez I, “Can’t the laws be changed?”
+
+“Be changed? Change the laws of the United States? Tamper with the
+glorious Constitution that our fore-fathers left us—an immortal sacred
+legacy.”
+
+He jumped up on his feet and his second-hand smile fell off. He kinder
+shook as if he wuz skairt most to death and tremblin’ with horrow. He
+did it to skair me, I knew, but I knowed I meant well towards the
+Constitution and our old forefathers; and my principles stiddied me and
+held me firm and serene. And when he asked me agin in tones full of awe
+and horrow:
+
+“Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin’ the
+unalterable laws of the United States—tampering with the Constitution?”
+
+“Yes, that is what I said. Hain’t they never been changed?”
+
+He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see
+that he could not skair me to death; an’ sez he, “Oh, yes, they’ve been
+changed in cases of necessity.”
+
+Sez I, “For instance durin’ the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make
+Northern men cheap bloodhounds and hunters.”
+
+“Yes,” he said, “it seemed to be a case of necessity and economy.”
+
+“I know it,” sez I; “men wuz cheaper than any other breed of
+bloodhounds the slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with,
+and more faithful.”
+
+“Yes,” he said, “it wuz a case of clear economy.”
+
+And sez I: “The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers.”
+
+“Well, yes,” he said, “it had been changed to enable whiskey dealers to
+utilize the surplus liquor they import.”
+
+Sez he, gittin’ kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familar
+theme, “Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly
+calculate how much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than
+have the whiskey dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And
+then,” sez he, growin’ still more candid in his excitement, “we are
+makin’ a powerful effort to change the laws now so as to take the tax
+off of whiskey, so it can be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater
+quantities by the masses. Any such great laws would justify a change in
+the Constitution and the laws; but for any frivolous cause, any trivial
+cause, madam, we male custodians of the sacred Constitution stand as
+walls of iron before it, guarding it from any shadow of change.
+Faithful we will be, faithful unto death.”
+
+Sez I, “As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I had
+convinced you that Serepta’s errents wuz errents of truth and justice,
+and you would love to do ’em.”
+
+“Well, yes, yes—I would love to—as it were—. But, my dear madam, much
+as I would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote to the
+cause of Right and Justice. I don’t think you realize the constant
+pressure of hard work that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our
+day.
+
+“As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that
+the liquor dealers suffer no loss—we have to do that, of course.”
+
+And he continued dreamily, as if losin’ sight of me and talkin’ to
+himself: “The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them
+loudly to please the common people, and help ’em secretly to please
+ourselves, or our richest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the
+Indian Agency, the Land Grabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are
+surrounded by a host of bandits that we have to appease and profit by;
+oh, how these matters wear into the gray matter of our brains!”
+
+“Gray matter!” sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest height, “I
+should call it black matter!”
+
+“Well, the name is immaterial, but these labors, though pocket filling,
+are brain wearing. And of late I and the rest of our loyal henchmen
+have been worn out in our labors in tariff revision. You know how we
+claim to help the common people by the revision; you’ve probable read
+about it in the papers.”
+
+“Yes,” sez I coldly, “I’ve hearn _talk_.”
+
+“Yes,” sez he, “but if we do succeed, after the most strenious efforts
+in getting the duty off champagne, green turtle, olives, etc., and put
+on to sugar, tea, cotton cloth and such like, with all this brain fag
+and brain labor—”
+
+“And tongue labor!” sez I in a icy axent.
+
+“Yes, after all this ceaseless toil the common people will not show any
+gratitude; we statesmen labor oft with aching hearts.” And he leaned
+his forward on his hand and sithed.
+
+But my looks wuz like ice-suckles on the north side of a barn. And I
+stopped his complaints and his sithes by askin’ in a voice that
+demanded a reply:
+
+“Can you and will you do Serepta’s errents? Errents full of truth and
+justice and eternal right?”
+
+He said he knew they wuz jest runnin’ over with them qualities, but
+happy as it would make him to do ’em, he had to refuse owin’ to the fur
+more important matters he had named, and the many, many other laws and
+preambles that he hadn’t time to name over to me. “Mebby you have
+heard,” sez he, “that we are now engaged in making most important laws
+concerning moth-millers, and minny fish, and hog cholera. And take it
+with these important bills and the constant strain on our minds in
+tryin’ to pass laws to increase our own salaries, you can see jest how
+cramped we are for time. And though we would love to pass some laws of
+truth and righteousness—we fairly ache to—yet not havin’ the requisite
+time we are forced to lay ’em on the table or under it.”
+
+“Well,” sez I, “I guess I may as well be a-goin’.” And I bid him a cool
+goodbye and started for the door. But jest as my hand wuz on the nub he
+jumped up and opened the door, wearin’ that boughten second-hand smile
+agin on his linement, and sez he:
+
+“Dear madam, perhaps Senator B. will do the errents for you.”
+
+Sez I, “Where is Senator B.?” And he said I would find him at his Post
+of Duty at the Capitol.
+
+“Well,” I said, “I will hunt up the Post,” and did. A grand enough
+place for a Emperor or a Zar is the Capitol of our great nation where I
+found him, a good natured lookin’ boy in buttons showin’ me the Post.
+
+
+
+
+VII.
+“NO HAMPERIN’ HITCHIN’ STRAPS”
+
+
+Well, Senator B. wanted to do the errents but said it wuz not his
+place, and sent me to Senator C., and he almost cried, he wanted to do
+’em so bad, but stern duty tied him to his Post, he said, and he sent
+me to Senator D., and he _did_ cry onto his handkerchief, he wanted to
+do the errents so bad, and said it would be such a good thing to have
+’em done. He bust right into tears as he said he had to refuse to do
+’em. Whether they wuz wet tears or dry ones I couldn’t tell, his
+handkerchief wuz so big, but I hearn his sithes, and they wuz deep and
+powerful ones.
+
+But as I sez to him, “Wet tears, nor dry ones, nor windy sithes didn’t
+help do the errents.” So I went on his sobbin’ advice to Senator E.,
+and he wuz huffy and didn’t want to do ’em and said so. And said his
+wife had thirteen children, and wimmen instead of votin’ ort to go and
+do likewise.
+
+And I told him it wouldn’t look well in onmarried wimmen and widders,
+and if they should foller her example folks would talk.
+
+And he said, “They ort to marry.”
+
+And I said, “As the fashion is now, wimmen had to wait for some man to
+ask ’em, and if they didn’t come up to the mark and ask ’em, who wuz to
+blame?”
+
+He wouldn’t answer, and looked sulky, but honest, and wouldn’t tell me
+who to go to to git the errents done.
+
+But jest outside his door I met the Senator I had left sobbin’ over the
+errents. He looked real hilarious, but drawed his face down when he
+ketched my eye, and sithed several times, and sent me to Senator F. and
+he sent me to Senator G.
+
+And suffice it to say I wuz sent round, and talked to, and cried at,
+and sulked to, and smiled at and scowled at, and encouraged and
+discouraged, ’till my head swum and my knees wobbled under me. And with
+all my efforts and outlay of oratory and shue leather not one of
+Serepta Pester’s errents could I git done, and no hopes held out of
+their ever bein’ done. And about the middle of the afternoon I gin up,
+there wuz no use in tryin’ any longer and I turned my weary tracks
+towards the outside door. But as bad as I felt, I couldn’t help my
+sperit bein’ lifted up some by the grandeur about me.
+
+Oh, my land! to stand in the immense hall and look up, and up, and see
+all the colors of the rain-bow and see what wonderful pictures there
+wuz up there in the sky above me as it were. Why, it seemed curiouser
+than any Northern lights I ever see in my life, and they stream up
+dretful curious sometimes. And as I walked through that lofty and most
+beautiful place and realized the size and majestic proportions of the
+buildin’ I wondered to myself that a small law, a little unjust law
+could ever be passed in such grand and magnificent surroundin’s. And I
+sez to myself, it can’t be the fault of the place anyway; the
+law-makers have a chance for their souls to soar if they want to, here
+is room and to spare to pass laws big as elephants and camels, and I
+wondered that they should ever try to pass laws as small as muskeeters
+and nats. Thinkses I, I wonder them little laws don’t git to strollin’
+round and git lost in them magnificent corridors. But I consoled
+myself, thinkin’ it wouldn’t be no great loss if they did. But right
+here, as I wuz thinkin’ on these deep and lofty subjects, I met the
+good natured young chap that had showed me round and he sez:
+
+“You look fatigued, mom.” (Soarin’ even to yourself is tuckerin’.) “You
+look very fatigued; won’t you take something?”
+
+I looked at him with a curious silent sort of a look; for I didn’t know
+what he meant. Agin he looked clost at me and sort o’ pityin’; and sez
+he, “You look tired out, mom. Won’t you take something? Let me treat
+you to something; what will you take, mom?”
+
+I thought he wuz actin’ dretful liberal, but I knew they had strange
+ways in Washington anyway. And I didn’t know but it wuz their way to
+make some present to every woman that comes there, and I didn’t want to
+act awkward and out of style, so I sez:
+
+“I don’t want to take anything, and don’t see any reason why you should
+insist on’t. But if I have got to take sunthin’ I had jest as soon have
+a few yards of factory cloth as anything. That always comes handy.”
+
+I thought that if he wuz determined to treat me to show his good
+feelin’s towards me, I would git sunthin’ useful and that would do me
+some good, else what wuz the good of bein’ treated? And I thought that
+if I had got to take a present from a strange man, I would make a shirt
+for Josiah out of it. I thought that would save jealousy and make it
+right so fur as goodness went.
+
+“But,” sez he, “I mean beer or wine or liquor of some kind.”
+
+I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him.
+
+Sez he, “There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin’.”
+
+Sez I in awful axents, “It is very appropriate to have it here handy!”
+Sez I, “Liquor duz more towards makin’ the laws of the United States
+from Caucus to Convention than anything else duz, and it is highly
+proper to have it here so they can soak the laws in it right off before
+they lay ’em onto the table or under ’em, or pass ’em onto the people.
+It is highly appropriate,” sez I.
+
+“Yes,” sez he. “It is very handy for the Senators and Congressmen, and
+let me get you a glass.”
+
+“No, you won’t!” sez I firmly. “The nation suffers enough from that
+room now without havin’ Josiah Allen’s wife let in.”
+
+Sez he, “If you have any feeling of delicacy in goin’ in there, let me
+make some wine here. I will get a glass of water and make you some pure
+grape wine, or French brandy, or corn or rye whiskey. I have all the
+drugs right here.” And he took a little box out of his pocket. “My
+father is a importer of rare old wines, and I know just how it is done.
+I have ’em all here, Capsicum, Coculus Indicus, alum, copperas,
+strychnine; I will make some of the choicest, oldest, and purest
+imported liquors we have in the country, in five minutes if you say
+so.”
+
+“No!” sez I firmly, “when I want to foller Cleopatra’s fashion and
+commit suicide, I will hire a rattlesnake and take my pizen as she did,
+on the outside.”
+
+Well, I got back to Hiram Cagwin’s tired as a dog, and Serepta’s
+errents ondone. But my conscience opholded me and told me I had done my
+very best, and man or woman can do no more.
+
+Well, the next day but one wuz the big outdoor suffrage meetin’. And we
+sot off in good season, Hiram feelin’ well enough to be left with the
+hired help. Polly started before we did with some of her college mates,
+lookin’ pretty as a pink with a red rose pinned over a achin’ heart, so
+I spoze, for she loved the young man who wuz out with another girl
+May-flowering. Burnin’ zeal and lofty principle can’t take the place in
+a woman’s heart of love and domestic happiness, and men needn’t be
+afraid it will. There is no more danger on’t than there is of a settin’
+hen wantin’ to leave her nest to be a commercial traveler. Nature has
+made laws for wimmen and hens that no ballot, male or female, can
+upset.
+
+Josiah and Lorinda and I went in the trolley in good season, so’s to
+git a sightly place, Lorinda protestin’ all the time aginst the
+indelicacy and impropriety of wimmen’s appearin’ in outdoor meetin’s,
+forgittin’, I spose, the dense procession of wimmen that fills the
+avenues every day, follerin’ Fashion and Display. As nigh as I could
+make out the impropriety consisted in wimmen’s follerin’ after Justice
+and Right.
+
+Josiah’s face looked dubersome. I guess he wuz worryin’ over his offer
+to represent me, and thinkin’ of Aunt Susan and the twins.
+
+But as it turned out I met Diantha while Josiah wuz in a shop buyin’
+some peppermint lozengers, and she said her niece had come from the
+West, and they got along all right. So that lifted my burden. But I
+thought best not to tell Josiah, as he wuz so bound to represent me. I
+thought it wouldn’t do any hurt to let him think it over about the job
+a man took on himself when he sot out to represent a woman. They
+wouldn’t like it in lots of ways, as willin’ as they seem to be in
+print.
+
+Wimmen go through lots of things calm and patient that would make a man
+flinch and shy off like a balky horse, and visey versey. I wouldn’t
+want to represent Josiah lots of times, breakin’ colts, ploughin’
+greensward, cuttin’ cord-wood etc., etc. Men and wimmen want equal
+legal rights to represent themselves and their own sex which are
+different, and always must be, and both sexes don’t want to be hampered
+and sot down on by the other one. That is gauldin’ to human nater, male
+or female.
+
+We got a good place nigh the speakers’ stand, and we hadn’t stood there
+long before the parade hove in sight, the yeller banners streamin’ out
+like sunshine on a rainy day, police outriders, music, etc.
+
+More than a hundred automobiles led the parade and five times as many
+wimmen walkin’ afoot. A big grand-stand with the lady speakers and
+their friends on it, all dressed pretty as pinks. For the old idee that
+suffragists don’t care for attractive dress and domestic life wuz
+exploded long ago, and many other old superstitions went up in the
+blaze.
+
+Those of us who have gray hair can remember when if a man spoke
+favorably of women’s rights the sarcastic question was asked him: “How
+old is Susan B. Anthony?”
+
+And this fine wit and cuttin’ ridicule would silence argument and
+quench the spirit of the upholder.
+
+But the world moves. Susan’s memory is beloved and revered, and the
+contemptious ridicule of the onthinkin’ and ignorant only nourished the
+laurels the world lays on her tomb.
+
+At that time accordin’ to popular opinion a suffragist wuz a slatternly
+woman with uncombed locks, dangling shoe strings, and bloomers,
+stridin’ through an unswept house onmindful of dirty children or hungry
+husband, but the world moves onward and public opinion with it.
+Suffragists are the best mothers, the best housekeepers, the best
+dressers of any wimmen in the land. Search the records and you’ll find
+it so, and why?
+
+Because they know sunthin’, it takes common sense to make a gooseberry
+pie as it ort to be. And the more a woman knows and the more justice
+she demands, the better for her husband. The same sperit that rebels at
+tyranny and injustice rebels at dirt, disorder, discomfort, and all
+unpleasant conditions.
+
+I looked ahead with my mind’s eye and see them pretty college girls
+settled down in pleasant homes of their own, where sanitary laws
+prevailed, where the babies wuzn’t fed pickles and cabbage, and kep’ in
+air-tight enclosures. Where the husbands did not have to go outside
+their own homes to find cheer and comfort, and intelligent
+conversation, and where Love and Common Sense walked hand in hand
+toward Happiness and Contentment, Justice, with her blinders offen her
+eyes, goin’ ahead on ’em. I never liked the idee of Justice wearin’
+them bandages over her eyes. She ort to have both eyes open; if anybody
+ever needed good eyesight she duz, to choose the straight and narrer
+road, lookin’ backward to see the mistakes she has made in the past,
+so’s to shun ’em in the future, and lookin’ all round her in the
+present to see where she can help matters, and lookin’ fur off in the
+future to the bright dawn of a Tomorrow. To the shinin’ mount of Equal
+Rights and full Liberty. Where she sees men and wimmen standin’ side by
+side with no halters or hamperin’ hitchin’ straps on either on ’em. He
+more gentle and considerate, and she less cowardly and emotional.
+
+Good land! what could Justice do blind in one eye and wimmen on the
+blind side? But good sensible wimmen are reachin’ up and pullin’ the
+bandages offen her eyes. She’s in a fair way to git her eyesight. But
+I’m eppisodin’, and to resoom forward.
+
+
+
+
+VIII.
+“OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN’”
+
+
+There wuz some pleasant talkin’ and jokin’ between bystanders and
+suffragettes, and then some good natured but keen and sensible
+speeches. And one pretty speaker told about the doin’s at Albany and
+Washington. How women’s respectful pleas for justice are treated there.
+How the law-makers, born and nussed by wimmen and dependent on ’em for
+comfort and happiness, use the wimmen’s tax money to help make laws
+makin’ her of no legal importance only as helpless figgers to hang
+taxation and punishment on.
+
+Old Mom Nater had been listenin’ clost, her sky-blue eyes shinin’ with
+joy to see her own sect present such a noble appearance in the parade.
+But when these insults and indignities wuz brung up to her mind agin
+and she realized afresh how wimmen couldn’t git no more rights accorded
+to her than a dog or a hen, and worse. For a hen or a dog wouldn’t be
+taxed to raise money for turkle soup and shampain to nourish the
+law-makers whilst they made the laws agin ’em—Mom Nater’s eyes clouded
+over with indignation and resentment, and she boo-hooed right out
+a-cryin’. Helpless tears, of no more account than other females have
+shed, and will, as they set on their hard benches with idiots,
+lunaticks, and criminals.
+
+Of course she wiped up her tears pretty soon, not willin’ to lose any
+of the wimmen’s bright speeches. But when her tear-drops fell fast,
+Josiah sez to me, “You’ll see them wimmen run like hikers now, wimmen
+always thought more of shiffon and fol-de-rols than they did of
+principle.”
+
+But I sez, “Wait and see,” (we wuz under a awnin’ and protected).
+
+But the young and pretty speaker who wore a light silk dress and
+exquisite bunnet, kep’ right on talkin’ jest as calmly as if she didn’t
+know her pretty dress wuz bein’ spilte and her bunnet gittin’ wet as
+sop, and I sez to Josiah:
+
+“When wimmen are so in earnest, and want anything so much they can
+stand soakin’ in their best dresses, and let their Sunday bunnets be
+spilte on their heads, not noticin’ ’em seemin’ly, but keep right on
+pleadin’ for right and justice, they are in a fair way of gittin’ what
+they are after.”
+
+He looked kinder meachin’ but didn’t dispute me.
+
+The speeches wuz beautiful and convincin’, and pretty soon old Mom
+Nater stopped cryin’ to hear ’em, and she and I both listened full of
+joy and happiness to see with what eloquence and justice our sect wuz
+pleadin’ our cause. Their arguments wuz so reasonable and convincin’
+that I said to myself, I don’t see how anybody can help bein’ converted
+to this righteous cause, the liftin’ up of wimmen from her
+uncomfortable crouchin’ poster with criminals and idiots, up to the
+place she should occupy by the side of other good citizens of the
+United States, with all the legal and moral rights that go with that
+noble title.
+
+And right whilst I wuz thinkin’ this, sunthin’ wuz happenin’ that
+proved I wuz right in my eppisodin’, and somebody awful sot agin it wuz
+bein’ converted then and there (but of this more anon and bom-bye). We
+stayed till we heard the last word of the last speech, I happy and
+proud in sperit, Lorinda partly converted, she couldn’t help it, though
+she wouldn’t own up to it at that juncter. And Josiah lookin’ real
+deprested, the thought of representin’ me wuz worryin’ him I knew, for
+I hearn him say (soty vosy), “Represent wimmen or not, I hain’t goin’
+to set up all night with no old woman, and lift her round, nor dry nuss
+no twins.”
+
+And thinkin’ his sperit wuz pierced to a sufficient depth by his
+apprehension, so reason could be planted and take root, and he wouldn’t
+be so anxious in the future to represent a woman, I told him what
+Diantha said and we all went home in good sperits. The sun shone clear,
+the rain had washed the face of the Earth till it shone, and everything
+looked gay and joyous.
+
+When we got to Lorinda’s we see a auto standin’ in front of the door
+full of flowery branches in front and the pink posies lookin’ no more
+bright and rosy than the faces of the two young folks settin’ there. It
+wuz Polly and Royal.
+
+It seemed that when he and Maud got back from the country (and they
+didn’t stay long, Royal wuz so restless and oneasy) Maud insisted on
+his takin’ her to the suffrage meetin’ jest to make fun on’t, so I
+spoze. She thought she had rubbed out Polly’s image and made a
+impression herself on Royal’s heart that only needed stompin’ in a
+little deeper, and she thought ridicule would be the stomper she
+needed.
+
+But when they got to the meetin’ and he see Polly settin’ like a lily
+amongst flowers, and read in her lovely face the earnest desire to lift
+the burden from the heavy laden, comfort the sorrowful, right the
+wrong, and do what she could in her day and generation—
+
+I spoze his eyes could only see her sweet face. But he couldn’t help
+his ears from hearin’ the reasonable, eloquent words of earnest and
+womanly wimmen, so full of good sense and truth and justice that no
+reasonable person could dispute ’em, and when he contrasted all this
+with the sneerin’ face, the sarcastic egotistic prattle of Maud, the
+veil dropped from his eyes, and he see with the New Vision.
+
+You know how it wuz with Saul the Scoffer who went breathin’ out
+vengeance, and Eternal Right stopped him on his way with its great
+light. Well, I spoze it wuz a bright ray from that same light that
+shone down into Royal’s heart and made him see. He wuz always good
+hearted and generous—men have always been better than the laws they
+have made. He left Maud at her home not fur away and hastened back,
+way-laid Polly, and bore her home in triumph and a thirty-horse-power
+car.
+
+It don’t make much difference I spoze how or where anybody is
+converted. The Bible speaks of some bein’ ketched out of the fire, and
+I spoze it is about the same if they are ketched out of the rain.
+’Tennyrate the same rain that washed some of the color off Maud’s
+cheeks, seemed to wash away the blindin’ mist of prejudice and
+antagonism from Royal’s mental vision, leavin’ his sperit ready for the
+great white light of truth and justice to strike in. And that very day
+and hour he come round to Polly’s way of thinkin’, and bein’ smart as a
+whip and so rich, I suppose he will be a great accusation to the cause.
+
+Well, the next day but one the Allens met in a pleasant grove on the
+river shore and we had a good growin’ time. Royal bein’ as you may say
+one of the family, took us all to the grove in his big tourin’ car, and
+the fourth trip he took Polly alone, and wuzn’t it queer that, though
+the load wuz fur lighter, it took him three times as long as the other
+three trips together? Why, they never got there till dinner wuz on the
+table, and then they didn’t seem to care a mite about the extra good
+food.
+
+But I made allowances, for as I looked into their glowin’ faces I
+knowed they wuz partakin’ of fruit from the full branches of first
+love, true love. Rich fruit that gives the divinest satisfaction of any
+this old earth affords. Food that never changes through the centuries,
+though fashion often changes, and riotous plenty or food famine may
+exalt or depress the sperit of the householder. Nothin’ but time has
+any power over this divine fruitage. He gradually, as the light of the
+honeymoon wanes, whets his old scythe and mows down some of the
+luxuriant branches, either cuttin’ a full swath, or one at a time, and
+the blessed consumers have to come down to the ordinary food of
+mortals. But this wuz still fur away from them.
+
+And I knowed too that the ordinary food of ordinary mortals partook of
+under the full harvest moon of domestic comfort and contentment wuz not
+to be despised, though fur different. And the light fur different from
+the glow and the glamour that wropped them two together and all the
+rest of the world away from ’em.
+
+But I’m eppisodin’ too much, and to resoom forward.
+
+As I said, we had a happy growin’ time at the Reunion, Josiah bein’ in
+fine feather to see the relation on his side presentin’ such a noble
+appearance. And like a good wife I sympathized with him in his pride
+and happiness, though I told him they didn’t present any better
+appearance than the same number of Smiths would. And their cookin’,
+though excellent, wuz no better than the Smiths could cook if they sot
+out to.
+
+He bein’ so good natered didn’t dispute me outright, but said he
+thought the Allens made better nut-cakes than the Smiths.
+
+But they don’t, no such thing. In fact I think the Smith nut-cakes are
+lighter and have a more artistic twist to ’em and don’t devour so much
+fat a-fryin’.
+
+But I’d hate to set Josiah down to any better vittles. I d’no as I
+would dast let him loose at the table at a Smith reunion, for he eat
+fur too much as it wuz. I had to give him five pepsin lozengers and
+some pepper tea. And then I looked out all night for night mairs to
+ride on his chist. But he come through it alive though with
+considerable pain.
+
+We stayed two or three days longer with Lorinda, and then she and Hiram
+went part way with us as we visited our way home. We’ve got relations
+livin’ all along the river that we owed visits to. And we went to see a
+number of ’em and enjoyed our four selves first rate. These things all
+took place more than a year ago and another man sets in the high chair,
+before which I laid Serepta’s errents, a man not so hefty mebby weighed
+by common steelyards, but one of noble weight judged by mental and
+moral scales.
+
+I d’no whether I’d had any better luck if I’d presented Serepta’s
+errents to him. Sometimes when I look in the kind eyes of his picter,
+and read his noble and eloquent words that I believe come from his very
+soul, I think mebby I’d been more lucky if he’d sot in the chair that
+day. But then I d’no, there are so many influences and hendrances
+planted like thorns in the cushion of that chair that a man, no matter
+how earnest he strives to do jest right, can’t help bein’ pricked by
+’em and held back. And I know he could never done them errents in the
+time she sot, but I’m in hopes he’ll throw his powerful influence jest
+as fur as he can on the side of right, and justice to all the citizens
+of the U.S., wimmen as well as men.
+
+’Tennyrate, he has showed more heroism now than many soldiers who risk
+life on the battle field. For the worst foe to fight and conquer is
+Ridicule; and he and others in high places have attackted Fashion so
+entrenched in the solid armour of Habit that most public men wouldn’t
+have dasted to take arms agin it.
+
+And the long waves of Time must swash up agin the shores of Eternity,
+before the good it has done can be estimated. How fur the influence has
+extended. How many weak wills been strengthened. How many broken hearts
+healed. How many young lives inspired to nobler and saner living.
+
+But to resoom forward, I can’t nor won’t carry them errents of
+Serepta’s there again. It is too wearin’ for one of my age and my
+rheumatiz. What a tedious time I did put in there. It wuz a day long to
+be remembered by me.
+
+
+
+
+IX.
+THE WOMEN’S PARADE
+
+
+Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He’d took off
+a big crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he’d sent to
+New York, an’ he sez to me:
+
+“That consarned Middleman is cheatin’ me the worst kind. I know the
+yaller Plymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor’n the white Leghorns;
+they’re bigger and it stands to reason they’re worth more, and he don’t
+give nigh so much. I believe he eats ’em himself and that’s why he
+wants to git ’em cheaper.”
+
+“No Middleman,” sez I, “could eat fifty dozen a week.”
+
+“He could if he eat enough at one time. ’Tennyrate, I’m goin’ to New
+York to see about it.”
+
+“When are you goin’?” sez I.
+
+“I’m goin’ to-morrow mornin’. I’m goin’ in onexpected and I lay out to
+catch him devourin’ them big eggs himself.”
+
+“Oh, shaw!” sez I. “The idee!”
+
+“Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry.
+Don’t you remember what one on ’em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and what
+he writ back? He’d sent a great load of potatoes to him and he didn’t
+get hardly anything for ’em, only their big bill for sellin’ ’em. They
+charged him for freightage, carage, storage, porterage, weightage, and
+to make their bill longer, they put in _ratage_ and _satage_.
+
+“Uncle Sime writ back ‘You infarnel thief, you, put in “stealage” and
+keep the whole on’t.’”
+
+But I sez, “They’re not all dishonest. There are good men among ’em as
+well as bad.”
+
+“Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for
+‘ratage’ and ‘satage’ I’m goin’ to see what they are, and how they
+look.”
+
+“Well,” sez I, “if you’re bound to go, I’ll get up and get a good
+breakfast and go with you.” It was the day of the Woman’s Suffrage
+Parade and I wanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog, and had ever
+since I hearn of it. Though some of the Jonesvillians felt different.
+The Creation Searchin’ Society wuz dretful exercised about it. The
+President’s stepma is a strong She Aunty and has always ruled Philander
+with an iron hand. I’ve always noticed that women who didn’t want any
+rights always took the right to have their own way. But ’tennyrate
+Philander come up a very strong He Aunty. And he felt that the Creation
+Searchers ort to go to New York that day to assist the Aunties in
+sneerin’ at the marchers, writin’ up the parade, and helpin’ count ’em.
+Philander wuz always good at figures, specially at subtraction, and he
+and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help.
+
+I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn’t need no help at that.
+
+But Philander called a meetin’ of the Creation Searchers to make
+arrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin’ wuz a
+powerful effort. And the members most all on ’em believin’ as he
+did—they said it wuz a dretful interestin’ meetin’. Sunthin’ like a
+love feast, only more wrought up and excitin’.
+
+The editor of the _Auger_ printed the whole thing in his paper, and
+said it give a staggerin’ blow agin Woman’s Suffrage, and he didn’t
+know but it wuz a death blow—he hoped it wuz.
+
+“A Woman’s Parade,” sez Philander, “is the most abominable sight ever
+seen on our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed up in fine
+clothes standin’ up on her feet, and paradin’ herself before strange
+men. Oh! how bold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder,” says he, “the She
+Aunties are shocked at the sight, and say they marched to attract the
+attention of men. Why can’t women stay to home and set down and knit?
+And then men would love ’em. But if they keep on with these bold,
+forward actions, men won’t love ’em, and they will find out so. And it
+has always been, and is now, man’s greatest desire and chiefest aim he
+has aimed at, to protect women, to throw the shinin’ mantilly of his
+constant devotion about her delikit form and shield her and guard her
+like the very apples in his eyes.
+
+“Woman is too sweet and tender a flower to have any such hardship put
+upon her, and it almost crazes a man, and makes him temporarily out of
+his head, to see women do anything to hazard that inheriant delicacy of
+hern, that always appealed so to the male man.
+
+“Let us go forth, clad in our principles (and ordinary clothing, of
+course), and show just where we stand on the woman question, and do all
+we can to assist the gentle feminine She Aunties. Lovely, retirin’
+females whose pictures we so often see gracin’ the sensational
+newspapers. Their white womanly neck and shoulders, glitterin’ with
+jewels, no brighter than their eyes. They don’t appear there for sex
+appeal, or to win admiration. No indeed! No doubt they shrink from the
+publicity. And also shrink from making speeches in the Senate chambers
+or the halls of Justice, but will do so, angelic martyrs that they are,
+to hold their erring Suffrage sisters back from their brazen efforts at
+publicity and public speakin’.”
+
+They said his speech wuz cheered wildly, give out for publication, and
+entered into the moments of the Society.
+
+But after all, it happened real curious the day of the Parade every
+leadin’ Creation Searcher had some impediment in his way, and couldn’t
+go, and of course, the Society didn’t want to go without its leaders.
+
+Mis’ Philander Daggett, the president’s wife, wuz paperin’ her settin’
+room and parlor overhead. She wuz expectin’ company and couldn’t put it
+off. And bein’ jest married, and thinkin’ the world of her, Philander
+said he dassent leave home for fear she’d fall offen the barrel and
+break her neck. She had a board laid acrost two barrels to stand up on.
+And every day Philander would leave his outside work and come into the
+house, and set round and watch her—he thought so much of her. I suppose
+he wanted to catch her if she fell. But I didn’t think she would fall.
+She is young and tuff, and she papered it real good, though it wuz
+dretful hard on her arm sockets and back.
+
+And the Secretary’s wife wuz puttin’ in a piece of onions. She thought
+she would make considerable by it, and she will, if onions keep up. But
+it is turrible hard on a woman’s back to weed ’em. But she is
+ambitious; she raised a flock of fifty-six turkeys last year besides
+doin’ her house work, and makin’ seventy-five yards of rag carpet. And
+she thought onions wouldn’t be so wearin’ on her as turkeys, for
+onions, she said, will stay where they are put, but turkeys are born
+wanderers and hikers. And they led her through sun and rain, swamp and
+swale, uphill and downhill, a-chasin’ ’em up, but she made well by ’em.
+Well, in puttin’ in her onion seed, she overworked herself and got a
+crick in her back, so she couldn’t stir hand nor foot for two days. And
+bein’ only just them two, her husband had to stay home to see to
+things.
+
+And the Treasurer’s wife is canvassin’ for the life of William J.
+Bryan. And wantin’ to make all she could, she took a longer tramp than
+common, and didn’t hear of the Parade or meetin’ of the C.S.S. at all.
+She writ home a day or two before the meetin’, that she wuz goin’ as
+long as her legs held out, and they needn’t write to her, for she
+didn’t know where she would be.
+
+Well, of course, the Creation Searchers didn’t want to go without their
+officers. They said they couldn’t make no show if they did. So they
+give up goin’. But I spoze they made fun of the Woman’s Parade amongst
+theirselves, and mourned over their indelikit onwomanly actions, and
+worried about it bein’ too hard for ’em, and sneered at ’em
+considerable.
+
+Well, Josiah always loves to have me with him, an’ though he’d made
+light of the Parade, he didn’t object to my goin’. And suffice it to
+say that we arrove at that Middleman’s safe and sound, though why we
+didn’t git lost in that grand immense depo and wander ’round there all
+day like babes in the woods, is more’n I can tell.
+
+The Middleman wuzn’t dishonest: he convinced Josiah on it. He had
+shipped the colored eggs somewhere, and of course he couldn’t pay as
+much, and he never had hearn of _Ratage_ or _Satage_. He wuz a real
+pleasant Middleman, and hearing me say how much I wanted to see the
+Woman’s Parade, he invited us to go upstairs and set by a winder, where
+there was a good view on’t. We’d eat our lunch on the train and we
+accepted his invitation, and sot down by a winder then and there,
+though it wuz a hour or so before the time sot for the Parade. And I
+should have taken solid comfort watchin’ the endless procession of men
+and women and vehicles of all sorts and descriptions, but Josiah made
+so many slightin’ remarks on the dress of the females passin’ below on
+the sidewalk, that it made me feel bad. And to tell the truth, though I
+didn’t think best to own up to it to him, I _did_ blush for my sect to
+see the way some on ’em rigged themselves out.
+
+“See that thing!” Josiah sez, as a woman passed by with her hat drawed
+down over one eye, and a long quill standin’ out straight behind more’n
+a foot, an’ her dress puckered in so ’round the bottom, she couldn’t
+have took a long step if a mad dog wuz chasin’ her—to say nothin’ of
+bein’ perched up on such high heels, that she fairly tottled when she
+walked.
+
+Sez Josiah: “Does that _thing_ know enough to vote?”
+
+“No,” sez I, reasonably, “she don’t. But most probable if she had
+bigger things to think about she’d loosen the puckerin’ strings ’round
+her ankles, push her hat back out of her eyes, an’ get down on her feet
+again.”
+
+“Why, Samantha,” says he, “if you had on one of them skirts tied ’round
+your ankles, if I wuz a-dyin’ on the upper shelf in the buttery, you
+couldn’t step up on a chair to get to me to save your life, an’ I’d
+have to die there alone.”
+
+“Why should you be dyin’ on the buttery shelf, Josiah?” sez I.
+
+“Oh, that wuz jest a figger of speech, Samantha.”
+
+“But folks ort to be mejum in figgers of speech, Josiah, and not go too
+fur.”
+
+“Do you think, Samantha, that anybody can go too fur in describin’ them
+fool skirts, and them slit skirts, and the immodesty and indecensy of
+some of them dresses?”
+
+[Illustration: “Sez Josiah, ‘Does that thing know enough to vote?’”]
+
+“I don’t know as they can,” sez I, sadly.
+
+“Jest look at that thing,” sez he again.
+
+And as I looked, the hot blush of shame mantillied my cheeks, for I
+felt that my sect was disgraced by the sight. She wuz real pretty, but
+she didn’t have much of any clothes on, and what she did wear wuzn’t in
+the right place; not at all.
+
+Sez Josiah, “That girl would look much more modest and decent if she
+wuz naked, for then she might be took for a statute.”
+
+And I sez, “I don’t blame the good Priest for sendin’ them away from
+the Lord’s table, sayin’, ‘I will give no communion to a Jezabel.’ And
+the pity of it is,” sez I, “lots of them girls are innocent and don’t
+realize what construction will be put on the dress they blindly copy
+from some furrin fashion plate.”
+
+Then quite an old woman passed by, also robed or disrobed in the
+prevailin’ fashion, and Josiah sez, soty vosy, “I should think she wuz
+old enough to know sunthin’. Who wants to see her old bones?” And he
+sez to me, real uppish, “Do you think them things know enough to vote?”
+
+But jest then a young man went by dressed fashionably, but if he hadn’t
+had the arm of a companion, he couldn’t have walked a step; his face
+wuz red and swollen, and dissipated, and what expression wuz left in
+his face wuz a fool expression, and both had cigarettes in their
+mouths, and I sez, “Does _that_ thing know enough to vote?” And jest
+behind them come a lot of furrin laborers, rough and rowdy-lookin’,
+with no more expression in their faces than a mule or any other animal.
+“Do _they_ know enough to vote?” sez I. “As for the fitness for votin’
+it is pretty even on both sides. Good intelligent men ortn’t to lose
+the right of suffrage for the vice and ignorance of some of their sect,
+and that argument is jest as strong for the other sect.”
+
+But before Josiah could reply, we hearn the sound of gay music, and the
+Parade began to march on before us. First a beautiful stately figure
+seated fearlessly on a dancin’ horse, that tossted his head as if proud
+of the burden he wuz carryin’. She managed the prancin’ steed with one
+hand, and with the other held aloft the flag of our country. Jest as
+women ort to, and have to. They have got to manage wayward pardners,
+children and domestics who, no matter how good they are, will take
+their bits in their mouths, and go sideways some of the time, but can
+be managed by a sensible, affectionate hand, and with her other hand at
+the same time she can carry her principles aloft, wavin’ in every
+domestic breeze, frigid or torrid, plain to be seen by everybody.
+
+Then come the wives and relations of Senators and Congressmen, showin’
+that bein’ right on the spot they knowed what wimmen needed. Then the
+wimmen voters from free Suffrage states, showin’ by their noble looks
+that votin’ hadn’t hurt ’em any. They carried the most gorgeous banner
+in the whole Parade. Then the Wimmen’s Political Union, showin’ plain
+in their faces that understandin’ the laws that govern her ain’t goin’
+to keep woman from looking beautiful and attractive.
+
+On and on they come, gray-headed women and curly-headed children from
+every station in life: the millionairess by the working woman, and the
+fashionable society woman by the business one. Two women on horseback,
+and one blowin’ a bugle, led the way for the carriage of Madam
+Antoinette Blackwell. I wonder if she ever dreamed when she wuz tryin’
+to climb the hill of knowledge through the thorny path of sex
+persecution, that she would ever have a bugle blowed in front of her,
+to honor her for her efforts, and form a part of such a glorious Parade
+of the sect she give her youth and strength to free.
+
+How they swept on, borne by the waves of music, heralded by wavin’
+banners of purple and white and gold, bearin’ upliftin’ and noble
+mottoes. Physicians, lawyers, nurses, authors, journalists, artists,
+social workers, dressmakers, milliners, women from furrin countries
+dressed in their quaint costumes, laundresses, clerks, shop girls,
+college girls, all bearin’ the pennants and banners of their different
+colleges: Vassar, Wellesley, Smith, etc., etc. High-school pupils,
+Woman’s Suffrage League, Woman’s Social League, and all along the
+brilliant line each division dressed in beautiful costumes and carryin’
+their own gorgeous banners. And anon or oftener all along the long,
+long procession bands of music pealin’ out high and sweet, as if the
+Spirit of Music, who is always depictered as a woman, was glad and
+proud to do honor to her own sect. And all through the Parade you could
+see every little while men on foot and on horseback, not a great many,
+but jest enough to show that the really noble men wuz on their side.
+For, as I’ve said more formally, that is one of the most convincin’
+arguments for Woman’s Suffrage. In fact, it don’t need any other. That
+bad men fight against Women’s Suffrage with all their might.
+
+Down by the big marble library, the grand-stand wuz filled with men
+seated to see their wives march by on their road to Victory. I hearn
+and believe, they wuz a noble-lookin’ set of men. They had seen their
+wives in the past chasin’ Fashion and Amusement, and why shouldn’t they
+enjoy seein’ them follow Principle and Justice? Well, I might talk all
+day and not begin to tell of the beauty and splendor of the Woman’s
+Parade. And the most impressive sight to me wuz to see how the leaven
+of individual right and justice had entered into all these different
+classes of society, and how their enthusiasm and earnestness must
+affect every beholder.
+
+And in my mind I drawed pictures of the different modes of our American
+women and our English sisters, each workin’ for the same cause, but in
+what a different manner. Of course, our English sisters may have more
+reason for their militant doin’s; more unjust laws regarding
+marriage—divorce, and care of children, and I can’t blame them married
+females for wantin’ to control their own money, specially if they earnt
+it by scrubbin’ floors and washin’. I can’t blame ’em for not wantin’
+their husbands to take that money from them and their children,
+specially if they’re loafers and drunkards. And, of course, there are
+no men so noble and generous as our American men. But jest lookin’ at
+the matter from the outside and comparin’ the two, I wuz proud indeed
+of our Suffragists.
+
+While our English sisters feel it their duty to rip and tear, burn and
+pillage, to draw attention to their cause, and reach the gole (which I
+believe they have sot back for years) through the smoke and fire of
+carnage, our American Suffragettes employ the gentle, convincin’ arts
+of beauty and reason. Some as the quiet golden sunshine draws out the
+flowers and fruit from the cold bosom of the earth. Mindin’ their own
+business, antagonizin’ and troublin’ no one, they march along and show
+to every beholder jest how earnest they be. They quietly and
+efficiently answer that argument of the She Auntys, that women don’t
+want to vote, by a parade two hours in length, of twenty thousand. They
+answer the argument that the ballot would render women careless in
+dress and reckless, by organizin’ and carryin’ on a parade so
+beautiful, so harmonious in color and design that it drew out
+enthusiastic praise from even the enemies of Suffrage. They quietly and
+without argument answered the old story that women was onbusiness-like
+and never on time, by startin’ the Parade the very minute it was
+announced, which you can’t always say of men’s parades.
+
+It wuz a burnin’ hot day, and many who’d always argued that women
+hadn’t strength enough to lift a paper ballot, had prophesied that
+woman wuz too delicately organized, too “fraguile,” as Betsy Bobbet
+would say, to endure the strain of the long march in the torrid
+atmosphere.
+
+But I told Josiah that women had walked daily over the burning plow
+shares of duty and domestic tribulation, till their feet had got
+calloused, and could stand more’n you’d think for.
+
+And he said he didn’t know as females had any more burnin’ plow shares
+to tread on than men had.
+
+And I sez, “I didn’t say they had, Josiah. I never wanted women to get
+more praise or justice than men. I simply want ’em to get as much—just
+an even amount; for,” sez I, solemnly, “‘male and female created He
+them.’”
+
+Josiah is a deacon, and when I quote Scripture, he has to listen
+respectful, and I went on: “I guess it wuz a surprise even to the
+marchers that of all the ambulances that kept alongside the Parade to
+pick up faint and swoonin’ females, the only one occupied wuz by a
+man.”
+
+Josiah denied it, but I sez, “I see his boots stickin’ out of the
+ambulance myself.” Josiah couldn’t dispute that, for he knows I am
+truthful. But he sez, sunthin’ in the sperit of two little children I
+hearn disputin’. Sez one: “It wuzn’t so; you’ve told a lie.”
+
+“Well,” sez the other, “You broke a piece of china and laid it to me.”
+
+Sez Josiah, “You may have seen a pair of men’s boots a-stickin’ out of
+the ambulance, but I’ll bet they didn’t have heels on ’em a inch broad,
+and five or six inches high.”
+
+“No, Josiah,” sez I, “you’re right. Men think too much of their comfort
+and health to hist themselves up on such little high tottlin’ things,
+and you didn’t see many on ’em in the Parade.”
+
+But he went on drivin’ the arrow of higher criticism still deeper into
+my onwillin’ breast. “I’ll bet you didn’t see his legs tied together at
+the ankles, or his trouses slit up the sides to show gauze stockin’s
+and anklets and diamond buckles. And you didn’t see my sect who honored
+the Parade by marchin’ in it, have a goose quill half a yard long,
+standin’ up straight in the air from a coal-scuttle hat, or out
+sideways, a hejus sight, and threatenin’ the eyes of friend and foe.”
+
+“And you didn’t see many on ’em in the Parade,” sez I agin. “Women, as
+they march along to Victory, have got to drop some of these senseless
+things. In fact, they are droppin’ em. You don’t see waists now the
+size of a hour glass. It is gettin’ fashionable to breathe now, and
+women on their way to their gole will drop by the way their high heels;
+it will git fashionable to walk comfortable, and as they’ve got to take
+some pretty long steps to reach the ballot in 1916, it stands to reason
+they’ve got to have a skirt wide enough at the bottom to step up on the
+gole of Victory. It is a high step, Josiah, but women are goin’ to take
+it. They’ve always tended to cleanin’ their own house, and makin’ it
+comfortable and hygenic for its members, big and little. And when they
+turn their minds onto the best way to clean the National house both
+sects have to live in to make it clean and comfortable and safe for the
+weak and helpless as well as for the strong—it stands to reason they
+won’t have time or inclination to stand up on stilts with tied-in
+ankles, quilled out like savages.”
+
+“Well,” said Josiah, with a dark, forebodin’ look on his linement, “_we
+shall see_.”
+
+“Yes,” sez I, with a real radiant look into the future. “_We shall
+see_, Josiah.”
+
+But he didn’t have no idea of the beautiful prophetic vision I beheld
+with the eyes of my sperit. Good men and good women, each fillin’ their
+different spears in life, but banded together for the overthrow of
+evil, the uplift of the race.
+
+
+
+
+X.
+“THE CREATION SEARCHIN’ SOCIETY”
+
+
+It was only a few days after we got home from New York that Josiah come
+into the house dretful excited. He’d had a invitation to attend a
+meetin’ of the Creation Searchin’ Society.
+
+“Why,” sez I, “did they invite you? You are not a member?”
+
+“No,” sez he, “but they want me to help ’em be indignant. It is a
+indignation meetin’.”
+
+“Indignant about what?” I sez.
+
+“Fur be it from me, Samantha, to muddle up your head and hurt your
+feelin’s by tellin’ you what it’s fur.” And he went out quick and shet
+the door. But I got a splendid dinner and afterwards he told me of his
+own accord.
+
+I am not a member, of course, for the president, Philander Daggett,
+said it would lower the prestige of the society in the eyes of the
+world to have even one female member. This meetin’ wuz called last week
+for the purpose of bein’ indignant over the militant doin’s of the
+English Suffragettes. Josiah and several others in Jonesville wuz
+invited to be present at this meetin’ as sort of honorary members, as
+they wuz competent to be jest as indignant as any other male men over
+the tribulations of their sect.
+
+Josiah said so much about the meetin’, and his Honorary Indignation,
+that he got me curious, and wantin’ to go myself, to see how it wuz
+carried on. But I didn’t have no hopes on’t till Philander Daggett’s
+new young wife come to visit me and I told her how much I wanted to go,
+and she bein’ real good-natered said she would make Philander let me
+in.
+
+He objected, of course, but she is pretty and young, and his nater
+bein’ kinder softened and sweetened by the honey of the honeymoon, she
+got round him. And he said that if we would set up in a corner of the
+gallery behind the melodeon, and keep our veils on, he would let her
+and me in. But we must keep it secret as the grave, for he would lose
+all the influence he had with the other members and be turned out of
+the Presidential chair if it wuz knowed that he had lifted wimmen up to
+such a hite, and gin ’em such a opportunity to feel as if they wuz
+equal to men.
+
+Well, we went early and Josiah left me to Philander’s and went on to do
+some errents. He thought I wuz to spend the evenin’ with her in
+becomin’ seclusion, a-knittin’ on his blue and white socks, as a woman
+should. But after visitin’ a spell, jest after it got duskish, we went
+out the back door and went cross lots, and got there ensconced in the
+dark corner without anybody seein’ us and before the meetin’ begun.
+
+Philander opened the meetin’ by readin’ the moments of the last
+meetin’, which wuz one of sympathy with the police of Washington for
+their noble efforts to break up the Woman’s Parade, and after their
+almost Herculaneum labor to teach wimmen her proper place, and all the
+help they got from the hoodlum and slum elements, they had failed in a
+measure, and the wimmen, though stunned, insulted, spit on, struck,
+broken boneded, maimed, and tore to pieces, had succeeded in their
+disgustin’ onwomanly undertakin’.
+
+But it wuz motioned and carried that a vote of thanks be sent ’em and
+recorded in the moments that the Creation Searchers had no blame but
+only sympathy and admiration for the hard worked Policemen for they had
+done all they could to protect wimmen’s delicacy and retirin’ modesty,
+and put her in her place, and no man in Washington or Jonesville could
+do more. He read these moments, in a real tender sympathizin’ voice,
+and I spoze the members sympathized with him, or I judged so from their
+linements as I went forward, still as a mouse, and peeked down on ’em.
+
+He then stopped a minute and took a drink of water; I spoze his
+sympathetic emotions had het him up, and kinder dried his mouth, some.
+And then he went on to state that this meetin’ wuz called to show to
+the world, abroad and nigh by, the burnin’ indignation this body felt,
+as a society, at the turrible sufferin’s and insults bein’ heaped onto
+their male brethren in England by the indecent and disgraceful doin’s
+of the militant Suffragettes, and to devise, if possible, some way to
+help their male brethren acrost the sea. “For,” sez he, “pizen will
+spread. How do we know how soon them very wimmen who had to be spit on
+and struck and tore to pieces in Washington to try to make ’em keep
+their place, the sacred and tender place they have always held
+enthroned as angels in a man’s heart—”
+
+Here he stopped and took out his bandanna handkerchief, and wiped his
+eyes, and kinder choked. But I knew it wuz all a orator’s art, and it
+didn’t affect me, though I see a number of the members wipe their eyes,
+for this talk appealed to the inheriant chivalry of men, and their
+desire to protect wimmen, we have always hearn so much about.
+
+“How do we know,” he continued, “how soon they may turn aginst their
+best friends, them who actuated by the loftiest and tenderest emotions,
+and determination to protect the weaker sect at any cost, took their
+valuable time to try to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, _angels
+of the home_, who knows but they may turn and throw stuns at the
+Capitol an’ badger an’ torment our noble lawmakers, a-tryin’ to make
+’em listen to their silly petitions for justice?”
+
+In conclusion, he entreated ’em to remember that the eye of the world
+wuz on ’em, expectin’ ’em to be loyal to the badgered and woman
+endangered sect abroad, and try to suggest some way to stop them
+woman’s disgraceful doin’s.
+
+Cyrenus Presly always loves to talk, and he always looks on the dark
+side of things, and he riz up and said “he didn’t believe nothin’ could
+be done, for by all he’d read about ’em, the men had tried everything
+possible to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, they had turned deaf
+ears to their complaints, wouldn’t hear one word they said, they had
+tried drivin’ and draggin’ and insults of all kinds, and breakin’ their
+bones, and imprisonment, and stuffin’ ’em with rubber tubes, thrust
+through their nose down into their throats. And he couldn’t think of a
+thing more that could be done by men, and keep the position men always
+had held as wimmen’s gardeens and protectors, and he said he thought
+men might jest as well keep still and let ’em go on and bring the world
+to ruin, for that was what they wuz bound to do, and they couldn’t be
+stopped unless they wuz killed off.”
+
+Phileman Huffstater is a old bachelder, and hates wimmen. He had been
+on a drunk and looked dretful, tobacco juice runnin’ down his face, his
+red hair all towsled up, and his clothes stiff with dirt. He wuzn’t
+invited, but had come of his own accord. He had to hang onto the seat
+in front of him as he riz up and said: “He believed that wuz the best
+and only way out on’t, for men to rise up and kill off the weaker sect,
+for their wuzn’t never no trouble of any name or nater, but what wimmen
+wuz to the bottom on’t, and the world would be better off without ’em.”
+But Philander scorfed at him and reminded him that such hullsale doin’s
+would put an end to the world’s bein’ populated at all.
+
+But Phileman said in a hicuppin’, maudlin way that “the world had
+better stop, if there had got to be such doin’s, wimmen risin’ up on
+every side, and pretendin’ to be equal with men.”
+
+Here his knee jints kinder gin out under him, and he slid down onto the
+seat and went to sleep.
+
+I guess the members wuz kinder shamed of Phileman, for Lime Peedick
+jumped up quick as scat and said, “It seemed the Englishmen had tried
+most everything else, and he wondered how it would work if them
+militant wimmen could be ketched and a dose of sunthin’ bitter and
+sickenin’ poured down ’em. Every time they broached that loathsome
+doctrine of equal rights, and tried to make lawmakers listen to their
+petitions, jest ketch ’em and pour down ’em a big dose of wormwood or
+sunthin’ else bitter and sickenin’, and he guessed they would git tired
+on’t.”
+
+But here Josiah jumped up quick and said, “he objected,” he said, “that
+would endanger the right wimmen always had, and ort to have of cookin’
+good vittles for men and doin’ their housework, and bearin’ and
+bringin’ up their children, and makin’ and mendin’ and waitin’ on ’em.
+He said nothin’ short of a Gatlin gun could keep Samantha from speakin’
+her mind about such things, and he wuzn’t willin’ to have her made sick
+to the stomach, and incapacitated from cookin’ by any such
+proceedin’s.”
+
+The members argued quite awhile on this pint, but finally come round to
+Josiah’s idees, and the meetin’ for a few minutes seemed to come to a
+standstill, till old Cornelius Snyder got up slowly and feebly. He has
+spazzums and can’t hardly wobble. His wife has to support him, wash and
+dress him, and take care on him like a baby. But he has the use of his
+tongue, and he got some man to bring him there, and he leaned heavy on
+his cane, and kinder stiddied himself on it and offered this
+suggestion:
+
+“How would it do to tie females up when they got to thinkin’ they wuz
+equal to men, halter ’em, rope ’em, and let ’em see if they wuz?”
+
+But this idee wuz objected to for the same reason Josiah had advanced,
+as Philander well said, “wimmen had got to go foot loose in order to do
+the housework and cookin’.”
+
+Uncle Sime Bentley, who wuz awful indignant, said, “I motion that men
+shall take away all the rights that wimmen have now, turn ’em out of
+the meetin’ house, and grange.”
+
+But before he’d hardly got the words out of his mouth, seven of the
+members riz up and as many as five spoke out to once with different
+exclamations:
+
+“That won’t do! we can’t do that! Who’ll do all the work! Who’ll git up
+grange banquets and rummage sales, and paper and paint and put down
+carpets in the meetin’ house, and git up socials and entertainments to
+help pay the minister’s salary, and carry on the Sunday School? and
+tend to its picnics and suppers, and take care of the children? We
+can’t do this, much as we’d love to.”
+
+One horsey, sporty member, also under the influence of liquor, riz up,
+and made a feeble motion, “Spozin’ we give wimmen liberty enough to
+work, leave ’em hand and foot loose, and sort o’ muzzle ’em so they
+can’t talk.”
+
+This seemed to be very favorably received, ’specially by the married
+members, and the secretary wuz jest about to record it in the moments
+as a scheme worth tryin’, when old Doctor Nugent got up, and sez in a
+firm, decided way:
+
+“Wimmen cannot be kept from talking without endangerin’ her life; as a
+medical expert I object to this motion.”
+
+“How would you put the objection?” sez the secretary.
+
+“On the ground of cruelty to animals,” sez the doctor.
+
+A fat Englishman who had took the widder Shelmadine’s farm on shares,
+says, “I ’old with Brother Josiah Hallen’s hargument. As the father of
+nine young children and thirty cows to milk with my wife’s ’elp, I ’old
+she musn’t be kep’ from work, but h’I propose if we can’t do anything
+else that a card of sympathy be sent to hold Hengland from the Creation
+Searchin’ Society of America, tellin’ ’em ’ow our ’earts bleeds for the
+men’s sufferin’ and ’ardships in ’avin’ to leave their hoccupations to
+beat and ’aul round and drive females to jails, and feed ’em with
+rubber hose through their noses to keep ’em from starvin’ to death for
+what they call their principles.”
+
+This motion wuz carried unanimously.
+
+But here an old man, who had jest dropped in and who wuz kinder deef
+and slow-witted, asked, “What it is about anyway? what do the wimmen
+ask for when they are pounded and jailed and starved?”
+
+Hank Yerden, whose wife is a Suffragist, and who is mistrusted to have
+a leanin’ that way himself, answered him, “Oh, they wanted the
+lawmakers to read their petitions asking for the rights of ordinary
+citizens. They said as long as their property wuz taxed they had the
+right of representation. And as long as the law punished wimmen equally
+with men, they had a right to help make that law, and as long as men
+claimed wimmen’s place wuz home, they wanted the right to guard that
+home. And as long as they brought children into the world they wanted
+the right to protect ’em. And when the lawmakers wouldn’t hear a word
+they said, and beat ’em and drove ’em round and jailed ’em, they got
+mad as hens, and are actin’ like furiation and wild cats. But claim
+that civil rights wuz never give to any class without warfare.”
+
+“Heavens! what doin’s!” sez old Zephaniah Beezum, “what is the world
+comin’ to!” “Angle worms will be risin’ up next and demandin’ to not be
+trod on.” Sez he, “I have studied the subject on every side, and I
+claim the best way to deal with them militant females is to banish ’em
+to some barren wilderness, some foreign desert where they can meditate
+on their crimes, and not bother men.”
+
+This idee wuz received favorably by most of the members, but others
+differed and showed the weak p’ints in it, and it wuz gin up.
+
+Well, at ten P.M., the Creation Searchers gin up after arguin’ pro and
+con, con and pro, that they could not see any way out of the matter,
+they could not tell what to do with the wimmen without danger and
+trouble to the male sect.
+
+They looked dretful dejected and onhappy as they come to this
+conclusion, my pardner looked as if he wuz most ready to bust out
+cryin’. And as I looked on his beloved linement I forgot everything
+else and onbeknown to me I leaned over the railin’ and sez:
+
+“Here is sunthin’ that no one has seemed to think on at home or abroad.
+How would it work to stop the trouble by givin’ the wimmen the rights
+they ask for, the rights of any other citizen?”
+
+I don’t spoze there will ever be such another commotion and upheaval in
+Jonesville till Michael blows his last trump as follered my speech.
+Knowin’ wimmen wuz kep’ from the meetin’, some on ’em thought it wuz a
+voice from another spear. Them wuz the skairt and horrow struck ones,
+and them that thought it wuz a earthly woman’s voice wuz so mad that
+they wuz by the side of themselves and carried on fearful. But when
+they searched the gallery for wimmen or ghosts, nothin’ wuz found, for
+Philander’s wife and I had scooted acrost lots and wuz to home
+a-knittin’ before the men got there.
+
+And I d’no as anybody but Philander to this day knows what, or who it
+wuz.
+
+And I d’no as my idee will be follered, but I believe it is the best
+way out on’t for men and wimmen both, and would stop the mad doin’s of
+the English Suffragettes, which I don’t approve of, no indeed! much as
+I sympathize with the justice of their cause.
+
+
+
+
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+at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
+are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
+country where you are located before using this eBook.
+</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Samantha on the Woman Question</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Marietta Holley</div>
+<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Release Date: May 20, 2003 [eBook #7833]<br />
+[Most recently updated: February 15, 2021]</div>
+<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
+<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Eric Eldred, William Flis and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team</div>
+<div style='margin-top:2em;margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA ON THE WOMAN QUESTION ***</div>
+
+<h1>Samantha on the Woman Question</h1>
+
+<h2 class="no-break">by Marietta Holley</h2>
+
+<h3>&ldquo;Josiah Allen&rsquo;s Wife&rdquo;</h3>
+
+<h3>Author of</h3>
+
+<h3>&ldquo;Samantha at Saratoga,&rdquo; &ldquo;My Opinions&rdquo; and
+&ldquo;Betsey Bobbet&rsquo;s,&rdquo; etc.</h3>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2>Contents</h2>
+
+<table summary="" style="">
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap01">I. &ldquo;SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap02">II. &ldquo;THEY CAN&rsquo;T BLAME HER&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap03">III. &ldquo;POLLY&rsquo;S EYES GROWED TENDER&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap04">IV. &ldquo;STRIVIN&rsquo; WITH THE EMISSARY&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap05">V. &ldquo;HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap06">VI. &ldquo;CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap07">VII. &ldquo;NO HAMPERIN&rsquo; HITCHIN&rsquo; STRAPS&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap08">VIII. &ldquo;OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN&rsquo;&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap09">IX. THE WOMEN&rsquo;S PARADE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap10">X. &ldquo;THE CREATION SEARCHIN&rsquo; SOCIETY&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+</table>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:100%;">
+<a name="illus01"></a>
+<a href="images/sam001.jpg">
+<img src="images/sam001.jpg" width="406" height="600" alt="Illustration:" /></a>
+<p class="caption">&ldquo;And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can
+blame Serepta for wantin&rsquo; her rights.&rdquo;</p>
+</div>
+
+<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
+
+<table summary="" style="">
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#illus01">&ldquo;AND I WONDER IF THERE&rsquo;S A WOMAN IN THE
+LAND THAT CAN BLAME SEREPTA FOR WANTIN&rsquo; HER RIGHTS&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#illus02">&ldquo;I WANTED TO VISIT THE CAPITOL OF OUR COUNTRY....
+SO WE LAID OUT TO GO&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#illus03">&ldquo;HE&rsquo;D ENTERED POLITICAL LIFE WHERE THE
+BIBLE WUZN&rsquo;T POPULAR; HE&rsquo;D NEVER READ FURTHER THAN GULLIVER&rsquo;S
+EPISTLE TO THE LILIPUTIANS&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#illus04">&ldquo;SEZ JOSIAH, &lsquo;DOES THAT THING KNOW ENOUGH
+TO VOTE?&rsquo;&rdquo;</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+</table>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap01"></a>I.<br />
+&ldquo;SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+Lorinda Cagwin invited Josiah and me to a reunion of the Allen family at her
+home nigh Washington, D.C., the birthplace of the first Allen we knowed
+anything about, and Josiah said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Bein&rsquo; one of the best lookin&rsquo; and influential Allens on
+earth now, it would be expected on him to attend to it.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I fell in with the idee, partly to be done as I would be done by if it wuz
+the relation on my side, and partly because by goin&rsquo; I could hit two
+birds with one stun, as the poet sez. Indeed, I could hit four on &rsquo;em.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My own cousin, Diantha Trimble, lived in a city nigh Lorinda&rsquo;s and I had
+promised to visit her if I wuz ever nigh her, and help bear her burdens for a
+spell, of which burden more anon and bom-by.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Diantha wuz one bird, the Reunion another, and the third bird I had in my
+mind&rsquo;s eye wuz the big outdoor meeting of the suffragists that wuz to be
+held in the city where Diantha lived, only a little ways from Lorinda&rsquo;s.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And the fourth bird and the biggest one I wuz aimin&rsquo; to hit from this
+tower of ourn wuz Washington, D.C. I wanted to visit the Capitol of our
+country, the center of our great civilization that stands like the sun in the
+solar system, sendin&rsquo; out beams of power and wisdom and law and order,
+and justice and injustice, and money and oratory, and talk and talk, and wind
+and everything, to the uttermost points of our vast possessions, and from them
+clear to the ends of the earth. I wanted to see it, I wanted to like a dog. So
+we laid out to go.
+</p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:100%;">
+<a name="illus02"></a>
+<a href="images/sam008.jpg">
+<img src="images/sam008.jpg" width="600" height="454" alt="Illustration:" /></a>
+<p class="caption">&ldquo;I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country.... So
+we laid out to go.&rdquo;</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>
+Lorinda lived on the old Allen place, and I always sot store by her, and her
+girl, Polly, wuz, as Thomas J. said, a peach. She had spent one of her college
+vacations with us, and a sweeter, prettier, brighter girl I don&rsquo;t want to
+see. Her name is Pauline, but everybody calls her Polly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Cagwins are rich, and Polly had every advantage money could give, and old
+Mom Nater gin her a lot of advantages money couldn&rsquo;t buy, beauty and
+intellect, a big generous heart and charm. And you know the Cagwins
+couldn&rsquo;t bought that at no price. Charm in a girl is like the perfume in
+a rose, and can&rsquo;t be bought or sold. And you can&rsquo;t handle or
+describe either on &rsquo;em exactly. But what a influence they have; how they
+lay holt of your heart and fancy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Royal Gray, the young man who wuz payin&rsquo; attention to her, stopped once
+for a day or two in Jonesville with Polly and her Ma on their way to the
+Cagwins&rsquo; camp in the Adirondacks. And we all liked him so well that we
+agreed in givin&rsquo; him this extraordinary praise, we said he wuz worthy of
+Polly, we knowed of course that wuz the highest enconium possible for us to
+give.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Good lookin&rsquo;, smart as a whip, and deep, you could see that by
+lookin&rsquo; into his eyes, half laughin&rsquo; and half serious eyes and
+kinder sad lookin&rsquo; too under the fun, as eyes must be in this world of
+ourn if they look back fur, or ahead much of any. A queer world this is, and
+kinder sad and mysterious, behind all the good and glory on&rsquo;t.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He wuz jest out of Harvard school and as full of life and sperits as a colt let
+loose in a clover field. He went out in the hay field, he and Polly, and rode
+home on top of a load of hay jest as nateral and easy and bare-headed as if he
+wuz workin&rsquo; for wages, and he the only son of a millionaire&mdash;we all
+took to him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin&rsquo; to visit Washington, D.C.,
+all the neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey wanted a
+dozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him a paper
+of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new kind of string
+beans and some cowcumber seeds.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Uncle Jarvis Bentley, who wuz goin&rsquo; to paint his house, wanted me to ask
+the President what kind of paint he used on the White House. He thought it ort
+to be a extra kind to stand the sharp glare that wuz beatin&rsquo; down on it
+constant, and to ask him if he didn&rsquo;t think the paint would last longer
+and the glare be mollified some if they used pure white and clear ile in it,
+and left off whitewash and karseen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ardelia Rumsey, who is goin&rsquo; to be married, wanted me, if I see any new
+kinds of bedquilt patterns at the White House or the Senator&rsquo;s housen, to
+git patterns for &rsquo;em. She said she wuz sick of sun flowers and
+blazin&rsquo; stars. She thought mebby they&rsquo;d have sunthin&rsquo; new,
+spread eagle style. She said her feller wuz goin&rsquo; to be connected with
+the Govermunt and she thought it would be appropriate.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I asked her how. And she said he wuz goin&rsquo; to git a patent on a new
+kind of jack knife.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told her that if she wanted a govermunt quilt and wanted it appropriate she
+ort to have a crazy quilt.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And she said she had jest finished a crazy quilt with seven thousand pieces of
+silk in it, and each piece trimmed with seven hundred stitches of feather
+stitchin&rsquo;&mdash;she&rsquo;d counted &rsquo;em. And then I remembered
+seein&rsquo; it. There wuz a petition fer wimmen&rsquo;s rights and I remember
+Ardelia couldn&rsquo;t sign it for lack of time. She wanted to, but she
+hadn&rsquo;t got the quilt more than half done. It took the biggest heft of two
+years to do it. And so less important things had to be put aside.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And Ardelia&rsquo;s mother wanted to sign it, but she couldn&rsquo;t
+owin&rsquo; to a bed-spread she wuz makin&rsquo;. She wuz quiltin&rsquo; in
+Noah&rsquo;s Ark and all the animals on a Turkey red quilt. I remember she wuz
+quiltin&rsquo; the camel that day and couldn&rsquo;t be disturbed, so we
+didn&rsquo;t git the names. It took the old lady three years, and when it wuz
+done it wuz a sight to behold, though I wouldn&rsquo;t want to sleep under so
+many animals. But folks went from fur and near to see it, and I enjoyed
+lookin&rsquo; at it that day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Zebulin Coon wanted me to carry a new hen coop of hisen to git patented. And I
+thought to myself I wonder if they will ask me to carry a cow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And sure enough Elnathan Purdy wanted me to dicker for a calf from Mount
+Vernon, swop one of his yearlin&rsquo;s for it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the errents Serepta Pester sent wuz fur more hefty and momentous than all
+the rest put together, calves, hen coop, cow and all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And when she told &rsquo;em over to me, and I meditated on her reasons for
+sendin&rsquo; &rsquo;em and her need of havin&rsquo; &rsquo;em done, I felt
+that I would do the errents for her if a breath wuz left in my body. She come
+for a all day&rsquo;s visit; and though she is a vegetable widow and humbly, I
+wuz middlin&rsquo; glad to see her. But thinkses I as I carried her things into
+my bedroom, &ldquo;She&rsquo;ll want to send some errent by me&rdquo;; and I
+wondered what it would be.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And so it didn&rsquo;t surprise me when she asked me if I would lobby a little
+for her in Washington. I spozed it wuz some new kind of tattin&rsquo; or fancy
+work. I told her I shouldn&rsquo;t have much time but would try to git her some
+if I could.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And she said she wanted me to lobby myself. And then I thought mebby it wuz a
+new kind of dance and told her, &ldquo;I wuz too old to lobby, I hadn&rsquo;t
+lobbied a step since I wuz married.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then she explained she wanted me to canvas some of the Senators.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I hung back and asked her in a cautious tone, &ldquo;How many she wanted
+canvassed, and how much canvas it would take?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had a good many things to buy for my tower, and though I wanted to obleege
+Serepta, I didn&rsquo;t feel like runnin&rsquo; into any great expense for
+canvas.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then she broke off from that subject, and said she wanted her rights and
+wanted the Whiskey Ring broke up.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And she talked a sight about her children, and how bad she felt to be parted
+from &rsquo;em, and how she used to worship her husband and how her hull life
+wuz ruined and the Whiskey Ring had done it, that and wimmen&rsquo;s helpless
+condition under the law and she cried and wep&rsquo; and I did. And right while
+I wuz cryin&rsquo; onto that gingham apron, she made me promise to carry them
+two errents of hern to the President and git &rsquo;em done for her if I
+possibly could.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She wanted the Whiskey Ring destroyed and her rights, and she wanted &rsquo;em
+both inside of two weeks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told her I didn&rsquo;t believe she could git &rsquo;em done inside that
+length of time, but I would tell the President about it, and I thought
+more&rsquo;n likely as not he would want to do right by her. &ldquo;And,&rdquo;
+sez I, &ldquo;if he sets out to, he can haul them babies of yourn out of that
+Ring pretty sudden.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then to git her mind offen her sufferin&rsquo;s, I asked how her sister
+Azuba wuz gittin&rsquo; along? I hadn&rsquo;t heard from her for years. She
+married Phileman Clapsaddle, and Serepty spoke out as bitter as a bitter
+walnut, and sez she:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;She&rsquo;s in the poor-house.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, Serepta Pester!&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;what do you mean?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I mean what I say, my sister, Azuba Clapsaddle, is in the
+poor-house.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, where is their property gone?&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;They wuz well
+off. Azuba had five thousand dollars of her own when she married him.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I know it,&rdquo; sez she, &ldquo;and I can tell you, Josiah
+Allen&rsquo;s wife, where their property has gone, it has gone down Phileman
+Clapsaddle&rsquo;s throat. Look down that man&rsquo;s throat and you will see
+150 acres of land, a good house and barn, twenty sheep and forty head of
+cattle.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why-ee!&rdquo; sez I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, and you&rsquo;ll see four mules, a span of horses, two buggies, a
+double sleigh, and three buffalo robes. He&rsquo;s drinked &rsquo;em all up,
+and two horse rakes, a cultivator, and a thrashin&rsquo; machine.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why-ee!&rdquo; sez I agin. &ldquo;And where are the children?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;The boys have inherited their father&rsquo;s habits and drink as bad as
+he duz and the oldest girl has gone to the bad.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh dear! oh dear me!&rdquo; sez I, and we both sot silent for a spell.
+And then thinkin&rsquo; I must say sunthin&rsquo; and wantin&rsquo; to strike a
+safe subject and a good lookin&rsquo; one, I sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Where is your Aunt Cassandra&rsquo;s girl? That pretty girl I see to
+your house once?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;That girl is in the lunatick asylum.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Serepta Pester,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;be you tellin&rsquo; the
+truth?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, I be, the livin&rsquo; truth. She went to New York to buy millinery
+goods for her mother&rsquo;s store. It wuz quite cool when she left home and
+she hadn&rsquo;t took off her winter clothes, and it come on brilin&rsquo; hot
+in the city, and in goin&rsquo; about from store to store the heat and hard
+work overcome her and she fell down in a sort of faintin&rsquo; fit and wuz
+called drunk and dragged off to a police court by a man who wuz a animal in
+human shape. And he misused her in such a way that she never got over the
+horror of what befell her when she come to to find herself at the mercy of a
+brute in a man&rsquo;s shape. She went into a melancholy madness and wuz sent
+to the asylum.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a spell. But
+thinkin&rsquo; I must be sociable I sez: &ldquo;Your aunt Cassandra is well, I
+spoze?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;She is moulderin&rsquo; in jail,&rdquo; sez she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;In jail? Cassandra in jail!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, in jail.&rdquo; And Serepta&rsquo;s tone wuz now like worm-wood and
+gall.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;You know she owns a big property in tenement houses and other buildings
+where she lives. Of course her taxes wuz awful high, and she didn&rsquo;t
+expect to have any voice in tellin&rsquo; how that money, a part of her own
+property that she earned herself in a store, should be used. But she had been
+taxed high for new sidewalks in front of some of her buildin&rsquo;s. And then
+another man come into power in that ward, and he naterally wanted to make some
+money out of her, so he ordered her to build new sidewalks. And she
+wouldn&rsquo;t tear up a good sidewalk to please him or anybody else, so she
+wuz put to jail for refusin&rsquo; to comply with the law.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thinkses I, I don&rsquo;t believe the law would have been so hard on her if she
+hadn&rsquo;t been so humbly. The Pesters are a humbly lot. But I didn&rsquo;t
+think it out loud, and didn&rsquo;t ophold the law for feelin&rsquo; so. I sez
+in pityin&rsquo; tones, for I wuz truly sorry for Cassandra Keeler:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;How did it end?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;It hain&rsquo;t ended,&rdquo; sez she, &ldquo;it only took place a month
+ago and she has got her grit up and won&rsquo;t pay; and no knowin&rsquo; how
+it will end; she lays there amoulderin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don&rsquo;t believe Cassanda wuz mouldy, but that is Serepta&rsquo;s way of
+talkin&rsquo;, very flowery.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;do you think the weather is goin&rsquo; to
+moderate?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I truly felt that I dassent speak to her about any human bein&rsquo; under the
+sun, not knowin&rsquo; what turn she would give to the talk, bein&rsquo; so
+embittered. But I felt that the weather wuz safe, and cotton stockin&rsquo;s,
+and hens, and factory cloth, and I kep&rsquo; her down on them for more&rsquo;n
+two hours.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But good land! I can&rsquo;t blame her for bein&rsquo; embittered agin men and
+the laws they&rsquo;ve made, for it seems as if I never see a human creeter so
+afflicted as Serepta Pester has been all her life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Why, her sufferin&rsquo;s date back before she wuz born, and that&rsquo;s
+goin&rsquo; pretty fur back. Her father and mother had some difficulty and he
+wuz took down with billerous colick, voylent four weeks before Serepta wuz
+born. And some think it wuz the hardness between &rsquo;em and some think it
+wuz the gripin&rsquo; of the colick when he made his will, anyway he willed
+Serepta away, boy or girl whichever it wuz, to his brother up on the Canada
+line.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So when Serepta wuz born (and born a girl ontirely onbeknown to her) she wuz
+took right away from her mother and gin to this brother. Her mother
+couldn&rsquo;t help herself, he had the law on his side. But it killed her. She
+drooped away and died before the baby wuz a year old. She wuz a affectionate,
+tenderhearted woman and her husband wuz overbearin&rsquo; and stern always.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But it wuz this last move of hisen that killed her, for it is pretty tough on a
+mother to have her baby, a part of her own life, took right out of her own arms
+and gin to a stranger. For this uncle of hern wuz a entire stranger to Serepta,
+and almost like a stranger to her father, for he hadn&rsquo;t seen him since he
+wuz a boy, but knew he hadn&rsquo;t any children and spozed that he wuz rich
+and respectable. But the truth wuz he had been runnin&rsquo; down every way,
+had lost his property and his character, wuz dissipated and mean. But the will
+wuz made and the law stood. Men are ashamed now to think that the law wuz ever
+in voge, but it wuz, and is now in some of the states, and the poor young
+mother couldn&rsquo;t help herself. It has always been the boast of our
+American law that it takes care of wimmen. It took care of her. It held her in
+its strong protectin&rsquo; grasp so tight that the only way she could slip out
+of it wuz to drop into the grave, which she did in a few months. Then it leggo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But it kep&rsquo; holt of Serepta, it bound her tight to her uncle while he run
+through with what property she had, while he sunk lower and lower until at last
+he needed the very necessaries of life and then he bound her out to work to a
+woman who kep&rsquo; a drinkin&rsquo; den and the lowest hant of vice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Twice Serepta run away, bein&rsquo; virtuous but humbly, but them strong
+protectin&rsquo; arms of the law that had held her mother so tight reached out
+and dragged her back agin. Upheld by them her uncle could compel her to give
+her service wherever he wanted her to work, and he wuz owin&rsquo; this woman
+and she wanted Serepta&rsquo;s work, so she had to submit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the third time she made a effort so voyalent that she got away. A good
+woman, who bein&rsquo; nothin&rsquo; but a woman couldn&rsquo;t do anything
+towards onclinchin&rsquo; them powerful arms that wuz protectin&rsquo; her,
+helped her to slip through &rsquo;em. And Serepta come to Jonesville to live
+with a sister of that good woman; changed her name so&rsquo;s it wouldn&rsquo;t
+be so easy to find her; grew up to be a nice industrious girl. And when the
+woman she wuz took by died she left Serepta quite a handsome property.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And finally she married Lank Burpee, and did considerable well it wuz spozed.
+Her property, put with what little he had, made &rsquo;em a comfortable home
+and they had two pretty children, a boy and a girl. But when the little girl
+wuz a baby he took to drinkin&rsquo;, neglected his bizness, got mixed up with
+a whiskey ring, whipped Serepta&mdash;not so very hard. He went accordin&rsquo;
+to law, and the law of the United States don&rsquo;t approve of a man&rsquo;s
+whippin&rsquo; his wife enough to endanger her life, it sez it don&rsquo;t. He
+made every move of hisen lawful and felt that Serepta hadn&rsquo;t ort to
+complain and feel hurt. But a good whippin&rsquo; will make anybody feel hurt,
+law or no law. And then he parted with her and got her property and her two
+little children. Why, it seemed as if everything under the sun and moon, that
+could happen to a woman, had happened to Serepta, painful things and
+gauldin&rsquo;.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Jest before Lank parted with her, she fell on a broken sidewalk: some think he
+tripped her up, but it never wuz proved. But anyway Serepta fell and broke her
+hip hone; and her husband sued the corporation and got ten thousand dollars for
+it. Of course the law give the money to him and she never got a cent of it. But
+she wouldn&rsquo;t have made any fuss over that, knowin&rsquo; that the law of
+the United States wuz such. But what made it so awful mortifyin&rsquo; to her
+wuz, that while she wuz layin&rsquo; there achin&rsquo; in splints, he took
+that very money and used it to court up another woman with. Gin her presents,
+jewelry, bunnets, head-dresses, artificial flowers out of Serepta&rsquo;s own
+hip money.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I don&rsquo;t know as anything could be much more gauldin&rsquo; to a woman
+than that&mdash;while she lay there groanin&rsquo; in splints, to have her
+husband take the money for her own broken bones and dress up another woman like
+a doll with it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the law gin it to him, and he wuz only availin&rsquo; himself of the
+glorious liberty of our free Republic, and doin&rsquo; as he wuz a mind to. And
+it wuz spozed that that very hip money wuz what made the match. For before she
+wuz fairly out of splints he got a divorce from her and married agin. And by
+the help of Serepta&rsquo;s hip money and the Whiskey Ring he got her two
+little children away from her.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap02"></a>II.<br />
+&ldquo;THEY CAN&rsquo;T BLAME HER&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta for
+gittin&rsquo; mad and wantin&rsquo; her rights and wantin&rsquo; the Whiskey
+Ring broke up, when they think how she&rsquo;s been fooled round with by men;
+willed away, and whipped, and parted with, and stole from. Why, they
+can&rsquo;t blame her for feelin&rsquo; fairly savage about &rsquo;em, as she
+duz.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin&rsquo; it over, how everything
+had happened to her. &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez she, with a axent like bone-set and
+vinegar, &ldquo;and what few things hain&rsquo;t happened to me has happened to
+my folks.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And sure enough I couldn&rsquo;t dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and
+sufferin&rsquo;s seemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen. Why, one
+of her aunts on her father&rsquo;s side, Huldah Pester, married for her first
+husband, Eliphelet Perkins. He wuz a minister, rode on a circuit, and he took
+Huldah on it too, and she rode round with him on it a good deal of the time.
+But she never loved to, she wuz a woman that loved to be still, and kinder
+settled down at home.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But she loved Eliphelet so well that she would do anything to please him, so
+she rode round with him on that circuit till she wuz perfectly fagged out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He wuz a dretful good man to her, but he wuz kinder poor and they had hard
+times to git along. But what property they had wuzn&rsquo;t taxed, so that
+helped some, and Huldah would make one dollar go a good ways.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No, their property wuzn&rsquo;t taxed till Eliphelet died. Then the supervisor
+taxed it the very minute the breath left his body; run his horse, so it wuz
+said, so&rsquo;s to be sure to git it onto the tax list, and comply with the
+law.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You see Eliphelet&rsquo;s salary stopped when his breath did. And I spoze the
+law thought, seein&rsquo; she wuz havin&rsquo; trouble, she might jest as well
+have a little more; so it taxed all the property it never had taxed a cent for
+before.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But she had this to console her that the law didn&rsquo;t forgit her in her
+widowhood. No; the law is quite thoughtful of wimmen by spells. It sez it
+protects wimmen. And I spoze that in some mysterious way, too deep for wimmen
+to understand, it wuz protectin&rsquo; her now.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, she suffered along and finally married agin. I wondered why she did. But
+she wuz such a quiet, home-lovin&rsquo; woman that it wuz spozed she wanted to
+settle down and be kinder still and sot. But of all the bad luck she had. She
+married on short acquaintance, and he proved to be a perfect wanderer. He
+couldn&rsquo;t keep still, it wuz spozed to be a mark.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He moved Huldah thirteen times in two years, and at last he took her into a
+cart, a sort of covered wagon, and traveled right through the western states
+with her. He wanted to see the country and loved to live in the wagon, it wuz
+his make. And, of course, the law give him control of her body, and she had to
+go where he moved it, or else part with him. And I spoze the law thought it wuz
+guardin&rsquo; and nourishin&rsquo; her when it wuz joltin&rsquo; her over them
+prairies and mountains and abysses. But it jest kep&rsquo; her shook up the
+hull of the time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It wuz the regular Pester luck.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then another of her aunts, Drusilly Pester, married a industrious,
+hard-workin&rsquo; man, one that never drinked, wuz sound on the doctrines, and
+give good measure to his customers, he wuz a groceryman. And a master hand for
+wantin&rsquo; to foller the laws of his country as tight as laws could be
+follered. And so knowin&rsquo; that the law approved of moderate correction for
+wimmen, and that &ldquo;a man might whip his wife, but not enough to endanger
+her life&rdquo;; he bein&rsquo; such a master hand for wantin&rsquo; to do
+everything faithful and do his very best for his customers, it wuz spozed he
+wanted to do the best for the law, and so when he got to whippin&rsquo;
+Drusilly, he would whip her too severe, he would be too faithful to it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You see what made him whip her at all wuz she wuz cross to him. They had nine
+little children, she thought two or three children would be about all one woman
+could bring up well by hand, when that hand wuz so stiff and sore with hard
+work.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But he had read some scareful talk from high quarters about Race Suicide. Some
+men do git real wrought up about it and want everybody to have all the children
+they can, jest as fast as they can, though wimmen don&rsquo;t all feel so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Aunt Hetty Sidman said, &ldquo;If men had to born &rsquo;em and nuss &rsquo;em
+themselves, she didn&rsquo;t spoze they would be so enthusiastick about it
+after they had had a few, &lsquo;specially if they done their own housework
+themselves,&rdquo; and Aunt Hetty said that some of the men who wuz
+exhortin&rsquo; wimmen to have big families, had better spend some of their
+strength and wind in tryin&rsquo; to make this world a safer place for children
+to be born into.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She said they&rsquo;d be better off in Nonentity than here in this world with
+saloons on every corner, and war-dogs howlin&rsquo; at &rsquo;em.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don&rsquo;t know exactly what she meant by Nonentity, but guess she meant the
+world we all stay in, before we are born into this one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Aunt Hetty has lost five boys, two by battle and three by licensed saloons,
+that makes her talk real bitter, but to resoom. I told Josiah that men
+needn&rsquo;t worry about Race Suicide, for you might as well try to stop a hen
+from makin&rsquo; a nest, as to stop wimmen from wantin&rsquo; a baby to love
+and hold on her heart. But sez I, &ldquo;Folks ort to be moderate and mejum in
+babies as well as in everything else.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But Drusilly&rsquo;s husband wanted twelve boys he said, to be
+law-abidin&rsquo; citizens as their Pa wuz, and a protection to the Govermunt,
+and to be ready to man the new warships, if a war broke out. But her babies wuz
+real pretty and cunning, and she wuz so weak-minded she couldn&rsquo;t enjoy
+the thought that if our male statesmen got to scrappin&rsquo; with some other
+nation&rsquo;s male law-makers and made another war, of havin&rsquo; her
+grown-up babies face the cannons. I spoze it wuz when she wuz so awful tired
+she felt so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You see she had to do every mite of her housework, and milk cows, and make
+butter and cheese, and cook and wash and scour, and take all the care of the
+children day and night in sickness and health, and make their clothes and keep
+&rsquo;em clean. And when there wuz so many of &rsquo;em and she enjoyin&rsquo;
+real poor health, I spoze she sometimes thought more of her own achin&rsquo;
+back than she did of the good of the Govermunt&mdash;and she would git kinder
+discouraged sometimes and be cross to him. And knowin&rsquo; his own motives
+wuz so high and loyal, he felt that he ort to whip her, so he did.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And what shows that Drusilly wuzn&rsquo;t so bad after all and did have her
+good streaks and a deep reverence for the law is, that she stood his
+whippin&rsquo;s first-rate, and never whipped him. Now she wuz fur bigger than
+he wuz, weighed eighty pounds the most, and might have whipped him if the law
+had been such. But they wuz both law-abidin&rsquo; and wanted to keep every
+preamble, so she stood it to be whipped, and never once whipped him in all the
+seventeen years they lived together. She died when her twelfth child wuz born.
+There wuz jest ten months difference between that and the one next older. And
+they said she often spoke out in her last sickness, and said, &ldquo;Thank
+fortune, I&rsquo;ve always kep&rsquo; the law!&rdquo; And they said the same
+thought wuz a great comfort to him in his last moments. He died about a year
+after she did, leavin&rsquo; his second wife with twins and a good property.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then there wuz Abagail Pester. She married a sort of a high-headed man, though
+one that paid his debts, wuz truthful, good lookin&rsquo;, and played well on
+the fiddle. Why, it seemed as if he had almost every qualification for
+makin&rsquo; a woman happy, only he had this one little eccentricity, he would
+lock up Abagail&rsquo;s clothes every time he got mad at her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Of course the law give her clothes to him, and knowin&rsquo; that it wuz the
+law in the state where they lived, she wouldn&rsquo;t have complained only when
+they had company. But it wuz mortifyin&rsquo;, nobody could dispute it, to have
+company come and have nothin&rsquo; to put on. Several times she had to
+withdraw into the woodhouse, and stay most all day there shiverin&rsquo;, and
+under the suller stairs and round in clothes presses. But he boasted in prayer
+meetin&rsquo;s and on boxes before grocery stores that he wuz a
+law-abidin&rsquo; citizen, and he wuz. Eben Flanders wouldn&rsquo;t lie for
+anybody.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I&rsquo;ll bet Abagail Flanders beat our old revolutionary four-mothers in
+thinkin&rsquo; out new laws, when she lay round under stairs and behind barrels
+in her night-gown. When a man hides his wife&rsquo;s stockin&rsquo;s and
+petticoats it is governin&rsquo; without the consent of the governed. If you
+don&rsquo;t believe it you&rsquo;d ort to peeked round them barrels and seen
+Abagail&rsquo;s eyes, they had hull reams of by-laws in &rsquo;em and
+preambles, and Declarations of Independence, so I&rsquo;ve been told. But it
+beat everything I ever hearn on, the lawful sufferin&rsquo;s of them wimmen.
+For there wuzn&rsquo;t nothin&rsquo; illegal about one single trouble of
+theirn. They suffered accordin&rsquo; to law, every one on &rsquo;em. But it
+wuz tuff for &rsquo;em, very tuff. And their bein&rsquo; so dretful humbly wuz
+another drawback to &rsquo;em, though that too wuz perfectly lawful, as
+everybody knows.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And Serepta looked as bad agin as she would otherwise on account of her teeth.
+It wuz after Lank had begun to git after this other woman, and wuz indifferent
+to his wife&rsquo;s looks that Serepta had a new set of teeth on her upper jaw.
+And they sot out and made her look so bad it fairly made her ache to look at
+herself in the glass. And they hurt her gooms too, and she carried &rsquo;em
+back to the dentist and wanted him to make her another set, but he acted mean
+and wouldn&rsquo;t take &rsquo;em back, and sued Lank for the pay. And they had
+a law-suit. And the law bein&rsquo; such that a woman can&rsquo;t testify in
+court, in any matter that is of mutual interest to husband and wife, and Lank
+wantin&rsquo; to act mean, said that they wuz good sound teeth.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And there Serepta sot right in front of &rsquo;em with her gooms achin&rsquo;
+and her face all swelled out, and lookin&rsquo; like furiation, and
+couldn&rsquo;t say a word. But she had to give in to the law. And ruther than
+go toothless she wears &rsquo;em to this day, and I believe it is the
+raspin&rsquo; of them teeth aginst her gooms and her discouraged, mad
+feelin&rsquo;s every time she looks in the glass that helps embitter her
+towards men, and the laws men have made, so&rsquo;s a woman can&rsquo;t have
+control of her own teeth and her own bones.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Serepta went home about 5 P.M., I promisin&rsquo; sacred to do her errents for
+her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I gin a deep, happy sithe after I shot the door behind her, and I sez to
+Josiah I do hope that&rsquo;s the very last errent we will have to carry to
+Washington, D.C., for the Jonesvillians.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; says he, &ldquo;an&rsquo; I guess I will get a fresh pail of
+water and hang on the tea kettle for you.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And,&rdquo; I says, &ldquo;it&rsquo;s pretty early for supper, but
+I&rsquo;ll start it, for I do feel kinder gone to the stomach. Sympathy is real
+exhaustin&rsquo;. Sometimes I think it tires me more&rsquo;n hard work. And
+Heaven knows I sympathized with Serepta. I felt for her full as much as if she
+was one of the relations on <i>his</i> side.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But if you&rsquo;ll believe it, I had hardly got the words out of my mouth and
+Josiah had jest laid holt of the water pail, when in comes Philander Dagget,
+the President of the Jonesville Creation Searchin&rsquo; Society and, of
+course, he had a job for us to do on our tower. This Society was started by the
+leadin&rsquo; men of Jonesville, for the purpose of searchin&rsquo; out and
+criticizin&rsquo; the affairs of the world, an&rsquo; so far as possible
+advisin&rsquo; and correctin&rsquo; the meanderin&rsquo;s an&rsquo;
+wrong-doin&rsquo;s of the universe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This Society, which we call the C.S.S. for short, has been ruther quiet for
+years. But sence woman&rsquo;s suffrage has got to be such a prominent
+question, they bein&rsquo; so bitterly opposed to it, have reorganized and meet
+every once in a while, to sneer at the suffragettes and poke fun at &rsquo;em
+and show in every way they can their hitter antipathy to the cause.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Philander told me if I see anything new and strikin&rsquo; in the way of
+Society badges and regalia, to let him know about it, for he said the C.S.S.
+was goin&rsquo; to take a decided stand and show their colors. They wuz
+goin&rsquo; to help protect his women endangered sect, an&rsquo; he wanted
+sunthin&rsquo; showy and suggestive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I thought of a number of badges and mottoes that I felt would be suitable for
+this Society, but dassent tell &rsquo;em to him, for his idees and mine on this
+subject are as fur apart as the two poles. He talked awful bitter to me once
+about it, and I sez to him:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Philander, the world is full of good men, and there are also bad men in
+the world, and, sez I, did you ever in your born days see a bad man that
+wuzn&rsquo;t opposed to Woman&rsquo;s Suffrage? All the men who trade in, and
+profit by, the weakness and sin of men and women, they every one of &rsquo;em,
+to a man, fight agin it. And would they do this if they didn&rsquo;t think that
+their vile trades would suffer if women had the right to vote? It is the
+great-hearted, generous, noble man who wants women to become a real citizen
+with himself&mdash;which she is not now&mdash;she is only a citizen just enough
+to be taxed equally with man, or more exhorbitantly, and be punished and
+executed by the law she has no hand in makin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Philander sed, &ldquo;I have always found it don&rsquo;t pay to talk with women
+on matters they don&rsquo;t understand.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+An&rsquo; he got up and started for the door, an&rsquo; Josiah sed, &ldquo;No,
+it don&rsquo;t pay, not a cent; I&rsquo;ve always said so.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I told Philander I&rsquo;d let him know if I see anything appropriate to
+the C.S.S. Holdin&rsquo; back with a almost Herculaneum effort the mottoes and
+badges that run through my mind as bein&rsquo; appropriate to their society;
+knowin&rsquo; it would make him so mad if I told him of &rsquo;em&mdash;he
+never would neighbor with us again. And in three days&rsquo; time we sot sail.
+We got to the depo about an hour too early, but I wuz glad we wuz on time, for
+it would have worked Josiah up dretfully ef we hadn&rsquo;t been, for he had
+spent most of the latter part of the night in gittin&rsquo; up and
+walkin&rsquo; out to the clock seein&rsquo; if it wuz train time. Jest before
+we started, who should come runnin&rsquo; down to the depo but Sam Nugent
+wantin&rsquo; to send a errent by me to Washington. He wunk me out to one side
+of the waitin&rsquo; room, and ast &ldquo;if I&rsquo;d try to git him a license
+to steal horses.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It kinder runs in the blood of the Nugents to love to steal, and he owned up it
+did, but he said he wanted the profit of it. But I told him I wouldn&rsquo;t do
+any sech thing, an&rsquo; I looked at him in such a witherin&rsquo; way that I
+should most probable withered him, only he is blind in one side, and I wuz on
+the blind side, but he argued with me, and said that it wuz no worse than to
+give licenses for other kinds of meanness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said they give licenses now to steal&mdash;steal folkses senses away, and
+then they could steal everything else, and murder and tear round into every
+kind of wickedness. But he didn&rsquo;t ask that. He wanted things done fair
+and square: he jest wanted to steal horses. He wuz goin&rsquo; West, and he
+thought he could do a good bizness, and lay up somethin&rsquo;. If he had a
+license he shouldn&rsquo;t be afraid of bein&rsquo; shet up or shot.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I refused the job with scorn; and jest as I wuz refusin&rsquo;, the cars
+snorted, and I wuz glad they did. They seemed to express in that wild snort
+something of the indignation I felt.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The idee!
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap03"></a>III.<br />
+&ldquo;POLLY&rsquo;S EYES CROWED TENDER&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+Lorinda wuz dretful glad to see us and so wuz her husband and Polly. But the
+Reunion had to be put off on account of a spell her husband wuz havin&rsquo;.
+Lorinda said she could not face such a big company as she&rsquo;d invited while
+Hiram wuz havin&rsquo; a spell, and I agreed with her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Never, never, would I have invited company whilst Josiah wuz
+sufferin&rsquo; with one of his cricks.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Men hain&rsquo;t patient under pain, and outsiders hain&rsquo;t no bizness to
+hear things they say and tell on &rsquo;em. So Polly had to write to the
+relations puttin&rsquo; off the Reunion for one week. But Lorinda kep&rsquo; on
+cookin&rsquo; fruit cake and such that would keep, she had plenty of help, but
+loved to do her company cookin&rsquo; herself. And seein&rsquo; the Reunion wuz
+postponed and Lorinda had time on her hands, I proposed she should go with me
+to the big out-door meetin&rsquo; of the Suffragists, which wuz held in a
+nigh-by city.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Good land!&rdquo; sez she, &ldquo;nothin&rsquo; would tempt me to
+patronize anything so brazen and onwomanly as a out-door meetin&rsquo; of
+wimmen, and so onhealthy and immodest.&rdquo; I see she looked reproachfully at
+Polly as she said it. Polly wuz arrangin&rsquo; some posies in a vase, and
+looked as sweet as the posies did, but considerable firm too, and I see from
+Lorinda&rsquo;s looks that Polly wuz one who had to leave father and mother for
+principle&rsquo;s sake.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I sez, &ldquo;You&rsquo;re cookin&rsquo; this minute, Lorinda, for a
+out-door meetin&rsquo;&rdquo; (she wuz makin&rsquo; angel cake). &ldquo;And why
+is this meetin&rsquo; any more onwomanly or immodest than the
+camp-meetin&rsquo; where you wuz converted, and baptized the next Sunday in the
+creek?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, them wuz religious meetin&rsquo;s,&rdquo; sez she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;mebby these wimmen think their meetin&rsquo;
+is religious. You know the Bible sez, &lsquo;Faith and works should go
+together,&rsquo; and some of the leaders of this movement have showed by their
+works as religious a sperit and wielded aginst injustice to young workin&rsquo;
+wimmen as powerful a weepon as that axe of the &rsquo;Postles the Bible tells
+about. And you said you went every day to the Hudson-Fulton doin&rsquo;s and
+hearn every out-door lecture; you writ me that there wuz probable a million
+wimmen attendin&rsquo; them out-door meetin&rsquo;s, and that wuz curosity and
+pleasure huntin&rsquo; that took them, and this is a meetin&rsquo; of justice
+and right.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, shaw!&rdquo; sez Lorinda agin, with her eye on Polly. &ldquo;Wimmen
+have all the rights they want or need.&rdquo; Lorinda&rsquo;s husband
+bein&rsquo; rich and lettin&rsquo; her have her way she is real foot loose, and
+don&rsquo;t feel the need of any more rights for herself, but I told her then
+and there some of the wrongs and sufferin&rsquo;s of Serepta Pester, and
+bein&rsquo; good-hearted (but obstinate and bigoted) she gin in that the
+errents wuz hefty, and that Serepta wuz to be pitied, but she insisted that
+wimmen&rsquo;s votin&rsquo; wouldn&rsquo;t help matters.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But Euphrasia Pottle, a poor relation from Troy, spoke up. &ldquo;After my
+husband died one of my girls went into a factory and gits about half what the
+men git for the same work, and my oldest girl who teaches in the public school
+don&rsquo;t git half as much for the same work as men do, and her school rooms
+are dark, stuffy, onhealthy, and crowded so the children are half-choked for
+air, and the light so poor they&rsquo;re havin&rsquo; their eyesight spilte for
+life, and new school books not needed at all, are demanded constantly, so
+some-one can make money.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;do you spoze, Lorinda, if intelligent mothers
+helped control such things they would let their children be made sick and blind
+and the money that should be used for food for poor hungry children be
+squandered on <i>on</i>-necessary books they are too faint with hunger to
+study.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;But wimmen&rsquo;s votin&rsquo; wouldn&rsquo;t help in such
+things,&rdquo; sez Lorinda, as she stirred her angel cake vigorously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But Euphrasia sez, &ldquo;My niece, Ellen, teaches in a state where wimmen vote
+and she gits the same wages men git for the same work, and her school rooms are
+bright and pleasant and sanitary, and the pupils, of course, are well and
+happy. And if you don&rsquo;t think wimmen can help in such public matters just
+go to Seattle and see how quick a bad man wuz yanked out of his public office
+and a good man put in his place, mostly by wimmen&rsquo;s efforts and
+votes.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;it is a proved fact that wimmen&rsquo;s votes
+do help in these matters. And do you think, Lorinda, that if educated,
+motherly, thoughtful wimmen helped make the laws so many little children would
+be allowed to toil in factories and mines, their tender shoulders bearin&rsquo;
+the burden of constant labor that wears out the iron muscles of men?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Polly&rsquo;s eyes growed tender and wistful, and her little white hands
+lingered over her posies, and I knowed the hard lot of the poor, the wrongs of
+wimmen and children, the woes of humanity, wuz pressin&rsquo; down on her
+generous young heart. And I could see in her sweet face the brave determination
+to do and to dare, to try to help ondo the wrongs, and try to lift the burdens
+from weak and achin&rsquo; shoulders. But Lorinda kep&rsquo; on with the same
+old moth-eaten argument so broke down and feeble it ort to be allowed to die in
+peace.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Woman&rsquo;s suffrage would make women neglect their homes and
+housework and let their children run loose into ruin.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I knowed she said it partly on Polly&rsquo;s account, but I sez in surprise,
+&ldquo;Why, Lorinda, it must be you hain&rsquo;t read up on the subject or you
+would know wherever wimmen has voted they have looked out first of all for the
+children&rsquo;s welfare. They have raised the age of consent, have closed
+saloons and other places of licensed evil, and in every way it has been their
+first care to help &rsquo;em to safer and more moral surroundin&rsquo;s, for
+who has the interest of children more at heart than the mothers who bore them,
+children who are the light of their eyes and the hope of the future.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Lorinda admitted that the state of the children in the homes of the poor and
+ignorant wuz pitiful. &ldquo;But,&rdquo; sez she, &ldquo;the Bible sez
+&lsquo;ye shall always have the poor with you,&rsquo; and I spoze we always
+shall, with all their sufferin&rsquo;s and wants. But,&rdquo; sez she,
+&ldquo;in well-to-do homes the children are safe and well off, and don&rsquo;t
+need any help from woman legislation.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, Lorinda,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;did you ever think on&rsquo;t how
+such mothers may watch over and be the end of the law to their children with
+the father&rsquo;s full consent during infancy when they&rsquo;re
+wrastlin&rsquo; with teethin&rsquo;, whoopin&rsquo;-cough, mumps, etc., can be
+queen of the nursery, dispensor of pure air, sunshine, sanitary, and safe
+surroundin&rsquo;s in every way, and then in a few years see &rsquo;em go from
+her into dark, overcrowded, unsanitary, carelessly guarded places, to spend the
+precious hours when they are the most receptive to influence and pass man-made
+pitfalls on their way to and fro, must stand helpless until in too many cases
+the innocent healthy child that went from her care returns to her half-blind, a
+physical and moral wreck. The mother who went down to death&rsquo;s door for
+&rsquo;em, and had most to do in mouldin&rsquo; their destiny during infancy
+should have at least equal rights with the father in controllin&rsquo; their
+surroundin&rsquo;s during their entire youth, and to do this she must have
+equal legal power or her best efforts are wasted. That this is just and right
+is as plain to me as the nose on my face and folks will see it bom-bye and
+wonder they didn&rsquo;t before.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And wimmen who suffer most by the lack on&rsquo;t, will be most
+interested in openin&rsquo; schools to teach the fine art of domestic service,
+teachin&rsquo; young girls how to keep healthy comfortable homes and fit
+themselves to be capable wives and mothers. I don&rsquo;t say or expect that
+wimmen&rsquo;s votin&rsquo; will make black white, or wash all the stains from
+the legislative body at once, but I say that jest the effort to git
+wimmen&rsquo;s suffrage has opened hundreds of bolted doors and full suffrage
+will open hundreds more. And I&rsquo;m goin&rsquo; to that woman&rsquo;s
+suffrage meetin&rsquo; if I walk afoot.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But here Josiah spoke up, I thought he wuz asleep, he wuz layin&rsquo; on the
+lounge with a paper over his face. But truly the word, &ldquo;Woman&rsquo;s
+Suffrage,&rdquo; rousts him up as quick as a mouse duz a drowsy cat, so, sez
+he, &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t let you go, Samantha, into any such dangerous and
+onwomanly affair.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Let?&rdquo; sez I in a dry voice; &ldquo;that&rsquo;s a queer word from
+one old pardner to another.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I&rsquo;m responsible for your safety, Samantha, and if anybody goes to
+that dangerous and onseemly meetin&rsquo; I will. Mebby Polly would like to go
+with me.&rdquo; As stated, Polly is as pretty as a pink posy, and no matter how
+old a man is, nor how interestin&rsquo; and noble his pardner is, he needs girl
+blinders, yes, he needs &rsquo;em from the cradle to the grave. But few,
+indeed, are the female pardners who can git him to wear &rsquo;em.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He added, &ldquo;You know I represent you legally, Samantha; what I do is jest
+the same as though you did it.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Mebby that is law, but whether it is gospel is another question.
+But if you represent me, Josiah, you will have to carry out my plans; I writ to
+Diantha Smith Trimble that if I went to the city I&rsquo;d take care of Aunt
+Susan a night or two, and rest her a spell; you know Diantha is a widder and
+too poor to hire a nurse. But seein&rsquo; you represent me you can set up with
+her Ma a night or two; she&rsquo;s bed-rid and you&rsquo;ll have to lift her
+round some, and give her her medicine and take care of Diantha&rsquo;s twins,
+and let her git a good sleep.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, as it were&mdash;Samantha&mdash;you know&mdash;men hain&rsquo;t
+expected to represent wimmen in everything, it is mostly votin&rsquo; and
+tendin&rsquo; big meetin&rsquo;s and such.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, I see,&rdquo; sez I; &ldquo;men represent wimmen when they want to,
+and when they don&rsquo;t wimmen have got to represent themselves.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, yes, Samantha, sunthin&rsquo; like that.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He didn&rsquo;t say anything more about representin&rsquo; me, and Polly said
+she wuz goin&rsquo; to ride in the parade with some other college girls.
+Lorinda&rsquo;s linement looked dark and forbiddin&rsquo; as Polly stated in
+her gentle, but firm way this ultimatum. Lorinda hated the idee of
+Polly&rsquo;s jinin&rsquo; in what she called onwomanly and immodest
+doin&rsquo;s, but I looked beamin&rsquo;ly at her and gloried in her
+principles.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After she went out Lorinda said to me in a complainin&rsquo; way, &ldquo;I
+should think that a girl that had every comfort and luxury would be contented
+and thankful, and be willin&rsquo; to stay to home and act like a lady.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Nothin&rsquo; could keep Polly from actin&rsquo; like a lady, and
+mebby it is because she is so well off herself that makes her sorry for other
+young girls that have nothin&rsquo; but poverty and privation.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, nonsense!&rdquo; sez Lorinda. But I knowed jest how it wuz. Polly
+bein&rsquo; surrounded by all the good things money could give, and bein&rsquo;
+so tender-hearted her heart ached for other young girls, who had to spend the
+springtime of their lives in the hard work of earnin&rsquo; bread for
+themselves and dear ones, and she longed to help &rsquo;em to livin&rsquo;
+wages, so they could exist without the wages of sin, and too many on &rsquo;em
+had to choose between them black wages and starvation. She wanted to help
+&rsquo;em to better surroundin&rsquo;s and she knowed the best weepon she could
+put into their hands to fight the wolves of Want and Temptation, wuz the
+ballot. Polly hain&rsquo;t a mite like her Ma, she favors the Smiths more, her
+grand-ma on her pa&rsquo;s side wuz a Smith and a woman of brains and
+principle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Durin&rsquo; my conversation with Lorinda, I inquired about Royal Gray, for as
+stated, he wuz a great favorite of ourn, and I found out (and I could see it
+gaulded her) that when Polly united with the Suffragists he shied off some, and
+went to payin&rsquo; attention to another girl. Whether it wuz to make Polly
+jealous and bring her round to his way of thinkin&rsquo;, I didn&rsquo;t know,
+but mistrusted, for I could have took my oath that he loved Polly deeply and
+truly. To be sure he hadn&rsquo;t confided in me, but there is a language of
+the eyes, when the soul speaks through &rsquo;em, and as I&rsquo;d seen him
+look at Polly my own soul had hearn and understood that silent language and
+translated it, that Polly wuz the light of his eyes, and the one woman in the
+world for him. And I couldn&rsquo;t think his heart had changed so sudden. But
+knowin&rsquo; as I did the elastic nature of manly affection, I felt dubersome.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This other girl, Maud Vincent, always said to her men friends, it wuz onwomanly
+to try to vote. She wuz one of the girls who always gloried in bein&rsquo; a
+runnin&rsquo; vine when there wuz any masculine trees round to lean on and
+twine about. One who always jined in with all the idees they promulgated, from
+neckties to the tariff, who declared cigar smoke wuz so agreeable and welcome;
+it did really make her deathly sick, but she would choke herself cheerfully and
+willin&rsquo;ly if by so chokin&rsquo; she could gain manly favor and
+admiration.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She said she didn&rsquo;t believe in helpin&rsquo; poor girls, they wuz well
+enough off as it wuz, she wuz sure they didn&rsquo;t feel hunger and cold as
+rich girls did, their skin wuz thicker and their stomachs different and
+stronger, and constant labor didn&rsquo;t harm them, and working girls
+didn&rsquo;t need recreation as rich girls did, and woman&rsquo;s suffrage
+wouldn&rsquo;t help them any; in her opinion it would harm them, and anyway the
+poor wuz on-grateful.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She had the usual arguments on the tip of her tongue, for old Miss Vincent, the
+aunt she lived with, wuz a ardent She Aunty and very prominent in the public
+meetin&rsquo;s the She Auntys have to try to compel the Suffragists not to have
+public meetin&rsquo;s. They talk a good deal in public how onwomanly and
+immodest it is for wimmen to talk in public. And she wuz one of the foremost
+ones in tryin&rsquo; to git up a school to teach wimmen civics, to prove that
+they mustn&rsquo;t ever have anything to do with civics.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yes, old Miss Vincent wuz a real active, ardent She Aunty, and Maud Genevieve
+takes after her. Royal Gray, his handsome attractive personality, and his
+millions, had long been the goal of Maud&rsquo;s ambition. And how ardently did
+she hail the coolness growing between him and Polly, the little rift in the
+lute, and how zealously did she labor to make it larger.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Polly and Royal had had many an argument on the subject, that is, he would
+begin by makin&rsquo; fun of the Suffragists and their militant doin&rsquo;s,
+which if he&rsquo;d thought on&rsquo;t wuz sunthin&rsquo; like what his old
+revolutionary forbears went through for the same reasons, bein&rsquo; taxed
+without representation, and bein&rsquo; burdened and punished by the law they
+had no voice in making, only the Suffragettes are not nearly so severe with
+their opposers, they haven&rsquo;t drawed any blood yet. Why, them old Patriots
+we revere so, would consider their efforts for freedom exceedingly gentle and
+tame compared to their own bloody battles.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And Royal would make light of the efforts of college girls to help
+workin&rsquo; girls, and the encouragement and aid they&rsquo;d gin &rsquo;em
+when they wuz strikin&rsquo; for less death-dealin&rsquo; hours of labor, and
+livin&rsquo; wages, and so forth. I don&rsquo;t see how such a really noble
+young man as Royal ever come to argy that way, but spoze it wuz the dead hand
+of some rough onreasonable old ancestor reachin&rsquo; up out of the shadows of
+the past and pushin&rsquo; him on in the wrong direction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So when he begun to ridicule what Polly&rsquo;s heart wuz sot on, when she felt
+that he wuz fightin&rsquo; agin right and justice, before they knowed it both
+pairs of bright eyes would git to flashin&rsquo; out angry sparks, and hash
+words would be said on both sides. That old long-buried Tory ancestor of hisen
+eggin&rsquo; him on, so I spoze, and Polly&rsquo;s generous sperit
+rebellin&rsquo; aginst the injustice and selfishness, and mebby some warlike
+ancestor of hern pushin&rsquo; her on to say hash things. &rsquo;Tennyrate he
+had grown less attentive to her, and wuz bestowin&rsquo; his time and
+attentions elsewhere.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And when she told him she wuz goin&rsquo; to ride in the automobile parade of
+the suffragists, but really ridin&rsquo; she felt towards truth and justice to
+half the citizens of the U.S., he wuz mad as a wet hen, a male wet hen, and wuz
+bound she shouldn&rsquo;t go.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Some men, and mebby it is love that makes &rsquo;em feel so (they say it is),
+and mebby it is selfishness (though they won&rsquo;t own up to it), but they
+want the women they love to belong to them alone, want to rule absolutely over
+their hearts, their souls, their bodies, and all their thoughts and aims,
+desires, and fancies. They don&rsquo;t really say they want &rsquo;em to wear
+veils, and be shet in behind lattice-windowed harems, but I believe they would
+enjoy it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They want to be foot loose and heart loose themselves, but always after Ulysses
+is tired of world wandering, he wants to come back and open the barred doors of
+home with his own private latch-key, and find Penelope knitting stockings for
+him with her veil on, waitin&rsquo; for him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That sperit is I spoze inherited from the days when our ancestor, the Cave man,
+would knock down the woman he fancied, with a club, and carry her off into his
+cave and keep her there shet up. But little by little men are forgettin&rsquo;
+their ancestral traits, and men and wimmen are gradually comin&rsquo; out of
+their dark caverns into the sunshine (for women too have inherited queer traits
+and disagreeable ones, but that is another story).
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, as I said, Royal wuz mad and told Polly that he guessed that the day of
+the Parade he would take Maud Vincent out in the country in his motor, to
+gather May-flowers. Polly told him she hoped they would have a good time, and
+then, after he had gone, drivin&rsquo; his car lickety-split, harem skarum,
+owin&rsquo; to his madness I spoze, Polly went upstairs and cried, for I hearn
+her, her room wuz next to ourn.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I deeply respected her for her principles, for he had asked her first to go
+May-flowering with him the day of the Suffrage meeting. But she refused,
+havin&rsquo; in her mind, I spoze, the girls that couldn&rsquo;t hunt flowers,
+but had to handle weeds and thistles with bare hands (metaforically) and wanted
+to help them and all workin&rsquo; wimmen to happier and more prosperous lives.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap04"></a>IV.<br />
+&ldquo;STRIVIN&rsquo; WITH THE EMISSARY&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+But I am hitchin&rsquo; the horse behind the wagon and to resoom backwards. The
+Reunion wuz put off a week and the Suffrage Meetin&rsquo; wuz two days away, so
+I told Lorinda I didn&rsquo;t believe I would have a better time to carry
+Serepta Pester&rsquo;s errents to Washington, D.C. Josiah said he guessed he
+would stay and help wait on Hiram Cagwin, and I approved on&rsquo;t, for
+Lorinda wuz gittin&rsquo; wore out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then Josiah made so light of them errents I felt that he would be a
+drawback instead of a help, for how could I keep a calm and noble frame of mind
+befittin&rsquo; them lofty errents, and how could I carry &rsquo;em stiddy with
+a pardner by my side pokin&rsquo; fun at &rsquo;em, and at me for
+carryin&rsquo; &rsquo;em, jarrin&rsquo; my sperit with his scorfin&rsquo; and
+onbelievin&rsquo; talk?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And as I sot off alone in the trolley I thought of how they must have felt in
+old times a-carryin&rsquo; the Urim and Thumim. And though I hadn&rsquo;t no
+idee what them wuz, yet I always felt that the carriers of &rsquo;em must have
+felt solemn and high-strung. Yes, my feelin&rsquo;s wuz such as I felt of the
+heft and importance of them errents not alone to Serepta Pester, but to the
+hull race of wimmen that it kep&rsquo; my mental head rained up so high that I
+couldn&rsquo;t half see and enjoy the sight of the most beautiful city in the
+world, and still I spoze its grandeur and glory sort o&rsquo; filtered down
+through my conscientiousness, as cloth grows white under the sun&rsquo;s rays
+onbeknown to it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Anon I left the trolley and walked some ways afoot. It wuz a lovely day, the
+sun shone down in golden splendor upon the splendor beneath it. Broad,
+beautiful clean streets, little fresh green parks, everywhere you could turn
+about, and big ones full of flowers and fountains, and trees and statutes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And anon or oftener I passed noble big stun buildings, where everything is made
+for the nation&rsquo;s good and profit. Money and fish and wisdom and all sorts
+of patented things and garden seeds and tariffs and resolutions and treaties
+and laws of every shape and size, good ones and queer ones and reputations and
+rates and rebates, etc., etc. But it would devour too much time to even name
+over all that is made and onmade there, even if I knowed by name the
+innumerable things that are flowin&rsquo; constant out of that great reservoir
+of the Nation, with its vast crowd of law-makers settin&rsquo; on the lid,
+regulatin&rsquo; its flow and spreadin&rsquo; it abroad over the country, thick
+and thin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But on I went past the Capitol, the handsomest buildin&rsquo; on the Globe,
+standin&rsquo; in its own Eden of beauty. By the Public Library as long as from
+our house to Grout Hozleton&rsquo;s, and I guess longer, and every foot
+on&rsquo;t more beautifler ornamented than tongue can tell. But I didn&rsquo;t
+dally tryin&rsquo; to pace off the size on&rsquo;t, though it wuz enormous, for
+the thought of what I wuz carryin&rsquo; bore me on almost regardless of my
+matchless surroundin&rsquo;s and the twinges of rumatiz.
+
+And anon I arrived at the White House, where my hopes and the hopes of my sect
+and Serepta Pester wuz sot. I will pass over my efforts to git into the
+Presence, merely sayin&rsquo; that they were arjous and extreme, and I
+wouldn&rsquo;t probably have got in at all had not the Presence appeared with a
+hat on jest goin&rsquo; out for a walk, and see me as I wuz strivin&rsquo; with
+the emissary for entrance. I spoze my noble mean, made more noble fur by the
+magnitude of what I wuz carryin&rsquo;, impressed him, for suffice it to say
+inside of five minutes the Presence wuz back in his augience room, and I wuz
+layin&rsquo; out them errents of Serepta&rsquo;s in front of him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin&rsquo; smilin&rsquo; man, a politer demeanored
+gentlemanly appearner man I don&rsquo;t want to see. But his linement which had
+looked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I spread them
+errents before him and sez in conclusion:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance done
+away with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you to have
+nothin&rsquo; stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner, she
+offerin&rsquo; to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some emptins to
+start it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted &rsquo;em all by week
+after next without fail.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell, and
+kep&rsquo; a-fallin&rsquo;. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to
+do it in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin&rsquo; how much
+wuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz tremblin&rsquo; in
+the balances, I spread them errents out before him. And bein&rsquo; truthful
+and above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin&rsquo; disagreeable and
+very humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as though she wuz a
+wax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her relations had suffered
+from want of rights, and how dretfully she had suffered from the Ring till I
+declare talkin&rsquo; about them little children of hern, and her agony, I got
+about as fierce actin&rsquo; as Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to
+myself I talked powerful on intemperance and Rings, and such.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried and anxious
+look on his good-natured face, and he sez: &ldquo;The laws of the United States
+are such that I can&rsquo;t do them errands, I can&rsquo;t interfere.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Then,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;why don&rsquo;t you make the United States do
+right?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said sunthin&rsquo; about the might of the majority, and the powerful
+corporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked very powerful
+and allegored about allowin&rsquo; a ring to be put round the United States and
+let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her round, a pitiful sight
+for men and angels. Sez I, &ldquo;How duz it look before the nations to see
+Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Intemperance is bad for Serepta and bad for the Nation.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He murmured sunthin&rsquo; about the revenue the liquor trade brought the
+Govermunt.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I sez, &ldquo;Every penny is money right out of the people&rsquo;s pockets;
+every dollar the people pay into the liquor traffic that gives a few cents into
+the treasury, is costin&rsquo; the people ten times that dollar in the loss
+intemperance entails, loss of labor, by the inability of drunken men to do
+anything but wobble and stagger, loss of wealth by the enormous losses of
+property and taxation, of alms-houses, mad-houses, jails, police forces,
+paupers&rsquo; coffins, and the diggin&rsquo; of thousands and thousands of
+graves that are filled yearly by them that reel into &rsquo;em.&rdquo; Sez I,
+&ldquo;Wouldn&rsquo;t it be better for the people to pay that dollar in the
+first place into the treasury than to let it filter through the
+dram-seller&rsquo;s hands, a few cents of it fallin&rsquo; into the national
+purse at last, putrid and heavy with all these losses and curses and crimes and
+shames and despairs and agonies?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He seemed to think it would, I see by the looks of his linement he did. Every
+honorable man feels so in his heart, and yet they let the Liquor Ring control
+&rsquo;em and lead &rsquo;em round. &ldquo;It is queer, queer as a dog.&rdquo;
+Sez I, &ldquo;The intellectual and moral power of the United States are rolled
+up and thrust into that Whiskey Ring and bein&rsquo; drove by the whiskey
+dealers jest where they want to drive &rsquo;em.&rdquo; Sez I, &ldquo;It
+controls New York village and nobody denies it, and the piety and philanthropy
+and culture and philosophy of that village has to be drawed along by that
+Ring.&rdquo; And sez I, in low but startlin&rsquo; tones of principle:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Where, where is it a-drawin&rsquo; &rsquo;em to? Where is it
+drawin&rsquo; the hull nation to? Is it drawin&rsquo; &rsquo;em down into a
+slavery ten times more abject and soul-destroyin&rsquo; than African slavery
+ever wuz? Tell me,&rdquo; sez I firmly, &ldquo;tell me!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He did not try to frame a reply, he could not find a frame. He knowed it wuz a
+conundrum boundless as truth and God&rsquo;s justice, and as solemnly deep in
+its sure consequences of evil as eternity, and as sure to come as that is.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh, how solemn he looked, and how sorry I felt for him, for I knowed worse wuz
+to come, I knowed the sharpest arrow Serepta Pester had sent wuz yet to pierce
+his sperit. But I sort o&rsquo; blunted the edge on&rsquo;t what I could
+conscientiously. Sez I, &ldquo;I think myself Serepta is a little onreasonable,
+I myself am willin&rsquo; to wait three or four weeks. But she&rsquo;s suffered
+dretful from intemperance from the Rings and from the want of rights, and her
+sufferin&rsquo;s have made her more voylent in her demands and
+impatienter,&rdquo; and then I fairly groaned as I did the rest of the errent,
+and let the sharpest arrow fly from the bo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Serepta told me to tell you if you didn&rsquo;t do these errents you
+should not be President next year.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He trembled like a popple leaf, and I felt that Serepta wuz threatenin&rsquo;
+him too hard. Sez he, &ldquo;I do not wish to be President again, I shall
+refuse to be nominated. At the same time I <i>do</i> wish to be President and
+shall work hard for the nomination if you can understand the paradox.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;I understand them paradoxes. I&rsquo;ve lived
+with &rsquo;em as you may say, all through my married life.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A clock struck in the next room and I knowed time wuz passin&rsquo; swift.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez the President, &ldquo;I would be glad to do Serepta&rsquo;s errents, I
+think she is justified in askin&rsquo; for her rights, and to have the Ring
+destroyed, but I am not the one to do them.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Who is the man or men?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He looked all round the room and up and down as if in hopes he could see
+someone layin&rsquo; round on the floor, or danglin&rsquo; from the
+ceilin&rsquo;, that would take the responsibility offen him, and in the very
+nick of time the door opened after a quick rap, and the President jumped up
+with a relieved look on his linement, and sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Here is the very man to do the errents.&rdquo; And he hastened to
+introduce me to the Senator who entered. And then he bid me a hasty adoo, but
+cordial and polite, and withdrew himself.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap05"></a>V.<br />
+&ldquo;HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+I felt glad to have this Senator do Serepta&rsquo;s errents, but I didn&rsquo;t
+like his looks. My land! talk about Serepta Pester bein&rsquo; disagreeable, he
+wuz as disagreeable as she any day. He wuz kinder tall and looked out of his
+eyes and wore a vest. He wuz some bald-headed, and wore a large smile all the
+while, it looked like a boughten one that didn&rsquo;t fit him, but I
+won&rsquo;t say it wuz. I presoom he&rsquo;ll be known by this description. But
+his baldness didn&rsquo;t look to me like Josiah Allen&rsquo;s baldness, and he
+didn&rsquo;t have the noble linement of the President, no indeed. He wuz
+dretful polite, good land! politeness is no name for it, but I don&rsquo;t like
+to see anybody too good. He drawed a chair up for me and himself and asked me:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If he should have the inexpressible honor and delightful joy of aiding me in
+any way, if so to command him to do it or words to that effect. I can&rsquo;t
+put down his second-hand smiles and genteel looks and don&rsquo;t want to if I
+could.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But tacklin&rsquo; hard jobs as I always tackle &rsquo;em, I sot down calm in
+front of him with my umbrell on my lap and told him all of Serepta&rsquo;s
+errents, and how I had brought &rsquo;em from Jonesville on my tower. I told
+over all her sufferin&rsquo;s and wrongs from the Rings and from not
+havin&rsquo; her rights, and all her sister&rsquo;s Azuba Clapsaddle&rsquo;s,
+and her Aunt Cassandra Keeler&rsquo;s, and Hulda and Drusilly&rsquo;s and
+Abagail Flanderses injustices and sufferin&rsquo;s. I did her errents as
+honorable as I&rsquo;d love to have one done for me, I told him all the
+petickulars, and as I finished I said firmly:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Now can you do Serepta Pesterses errents and will you?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He leaned forward with that disagreeable boughten smile of hisen and took up
+one corner of my mantilly, it wuz cut tab fashion, and he took up the tab and
+said in a low insinuatin&rsquo; voice, lookin&rsquo; clost at the edge of the
+tab:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein&rsquo; or can it be
+Kensington tattin&rsquo;?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, in a tone
+of amiable anxiety, &ldquo;Have I not heard a rumor that bangs are going out of
+style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like or a-pompadouris? Ah,
+women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of &rsquo;em.&rdquo; And
+he sithed, &ldquo;You are very beautiful,&rdquo; and he sithed agin, a sort of
+a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a chippin&rsquo;
+bird tappin&rsquo; his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it jest as much
+as he moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep&rsquo; on, puttin&rsquo;
+on a sort of a sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin&rsquo; of him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce, however
+carefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you. Have you a
+leanin&rsquo; toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied into the
+habits and traits of our American Wad?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;What?&rdquo; sez I. For truly a woman&rsquo;s curosity, however parlyzed
+by just indignation, can stand only just so much strain. &ldquo;The
+what?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that tailors
+make so much use of.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Do you mean waddin&rsquo; eight cents a sheet?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Eight cents a pelt&mdash;yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing
+to the hardy habits of the animal.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Cease instantly. I will hear no more.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will use to
+wimmen, and I&rsquo;d hearn of their lies, etc.; but truly I felt that the half
+had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I&rsquo;ve hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side
+in Washington, D.C., as bein&rsquo; too triflin&rsquo; to attend to, while the
+Legislators pondered over and passed laws regardin&rsquo; hen&rsquo;s eggs and
+bird&rsquo;s nests. But this is goin&rsquo; too fur&mdash;too fur. But,&rdquo;
+sez I firmly, &ldquo;I shall do Serepta&rsquo;s errents, and do &rsquo;em to
+the best of my ability, and you can&rsquo;t draw off my attention from her
+wrongs and sufferin&rsquo;s by talkin&rsquo; about wads.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I would love to obleege Serepta,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;because she
+belongs to such a lovely sect. Wimmen are the loveliest, most angelic creatures
+that ever walked the earth; they are perfect, flawless, like snow and
+roses.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I firmly, &ldquo;They hain&rsquo;t no such thing; they are disagreeable
+creeters a good deal of the time. They hain&rsquo;t no better than men, but
+they ort to have their rights all the same. Now Serepta is disagreeable and
+kinder fierce actin&rsquo;, and jest as humbly as they make wimmen, but that
+hain&rsquo;t no sign she ort to be imposed upon; Josiah sez she hadn&rsquo;t
+ort to have rights she is so humbly, but I don&rsquo;t feel so.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Who is Josiah?&rdquo; sez he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;My husband.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah, your husband! Yes, wimmen should have husbands instead of rights.
+They do not need rights; they need freedom from all cares and sufferin&rsquo;.
+Sweet lovely beings! let them have husbands to lift them above all earthly
+cares and trials! Oh! angels of our homes!&rdquo; sez he, liftin&rsquo; his
+eyes to the heavens and kinder shettin&rsquo; &rsquo;em, some as if he wuz
+goin&rsquo; into a spazzum. &ldquo;Fly around, ye angels, in your native hants;
+mingle not with rings and vile laws, flee away, flee above them!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And he kinder waved his hand back and forth in a floatin&rsquo; fashion up in
+the air, as if it wuz a woman flyin&rsquo; up there smooth and serene. It would
+have impressed some folks dretful, but it didn&rsquo;t me. I sez reasonably:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Serepta would have been glad to flew above &rsquo;em, but the Ring and
+the vile laws lay holt of her onbeknown to her and dragged her down. And there
+she is all bruised and broken-hearted by &rsquo;em. She didn&rsquo;t meddle
+with the political Ring, but the Ring meddled with her. How can she fly when
+the weight of this infamous traffic is holdin&rsquo; her down?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ahem!&rdquo; sez he. &ldquo;Ahem, as it were. As I was saying, my dear
+madam, these angelic angels of our homes are too ethereal, too dainty to mingle
+with rude crowds. We political men would fain keep them as they are now; we are
+willing to stand the rude buffetin&rsquo; of&mdash;of&mdash;voting, in order to
+guard these sweet delicate creatures from any hardships. Sweet tender beings,
+we would fain guard thee&mdash;ah, yes, ah, yes.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Cease instantly, or my sickness will increase, for such talk is
+like thoroughwort or lobelia to my moral and mental stomach. You know and I
+know that these angelic tender bein&rsquo;s, half-clothed, fill our streets on
+icy midnights, huntin&rsquo; up drunken husbands and fathers and sons. They are
+driven to death and to moral ruin by the miserable want liquor drinkin&rsquo;
+entails. They are starved, they are froze, they are beaten, they are made
+childless and hopeless by drunken husbands killin&rsquo; their own flesh and
+blood. They go down into the cold waves and are drowned by drunken captains;
+they are cast from railways into death by drunken engineers; they go up on the
+scaffold and die for crimes committed by the direct aid of this agent of Hell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Wimmen had ruther be flyin&rsquo; round than to do all this, but they
+can&rsquo;t. If men really believed all they say about wimmen, and I think some
+on &rsquo;em do in a dreamy sentimental way&mdash;If wimmen are angels, give
+&rsquo;em the rights of angels. Who ever hearn of a angel foldin&rsquo; up her
+wings and goin&rsquo; to a poor-house or jail through the fault of somebody
+else? Who ever hearn of a angel bein&rsquo; dragged off to police court for
+fightin&rsquo; to defend her children and herself from a drunken husband that
+had broke her wings and blacked her eyes, got the angel into the fight and then
+she got throwed into the streets and imprisoned by it? Who ever hearn of a
+angel havin&rsquo; to take in washin&rsquo; to support a drunken son or father
+or husband? Who ever hearn of a angel goin&rsquo; out as wet-nurse to git money
+to pay taxes on her home to a Govermunt that in theory idolizes her, and
+practically despises her, and uses that money in ways abominable to that angel.
+If you want to be consistent, if you&rsquo;re bound to make angels of wimmen,
+you ort to furnish a free safe place for &rsquo;em to soar in. You ort to keep
+the angels from bein&rsquo; tormented and bruised and killed, etc.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ahem,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;as it were, ahem.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I kep&rsquo; right on, for I begun to feel noble and by the side of myself:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;This talk about wimmen bein&rsquo; outside and above all participation
+in the laws of her country, is jest as pretty as anything I ever hearn, and
+jest as simple. Why, you might jest as well throw a lot of snowflakes into the
+street, and say, &lsquo;Some of &rsquo;em are female flakes and mustn&rsquo;t
+be trompled on.&rsquo; The great march of life tromples on &rsquo;em all alike;
+they fall from one common sky, and are trodden down into one common ground.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Men and wimmen are made with divine impulses and desires, and human
+needs and weaknesses, needin&rsquo; the same heavenly light, and the same human
+aids and helps. The law should mete out to them the same rewards and
+punishments.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Serepta sez you call wimmen angels, and you don&rsquo;t give &rsquo;em
+the rights of the lowest beasts that crawl on the earth. And Serepta told me to
+tell you that she didn&rsquo;t ask the rights of a angel; she would be
+perfectly contented and proud, if you would give her the rights of a
+dog&mdash;the assured political rights of a yeller dog.&rsquo; She said yeller
+and I&rsquo;m bound on doin&rsquo; her &rsquo;errent jest as she wanted it
+done, word for word.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;A dog, Serepta sez, don&rsquo;t have to be hung if it breaks the laws it
+is not allowed any hand in making; a dog don&rsquo;t have to pay taxes on its
+bone to a Govermunt that withholds every right of citizenship from it; a dog
+hain&rsquo;t called undogly if it is industrious and hunts quietly round for
+its bone to the best of its ability, and tries to git its share of the crumbs
+that falls from that table bills are laid on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;A dog hain&rsquo;t preached to about its duty to keep home sweet and
+sacred, and then see that home turned into a place of danger and torment under
+laws that these very preachers have made legal and respectable. A dog
+don&rsquo;t have to see its property taxed to advance laws it believes ruinous,
+and that breaks its own heart and the heart of other dear dogs. A dog
+don&rsquo;t have to listen to soul-sickening speeches from them that deny it
+freedom and justice, about its bein&rsquo; a damask rose and a seraph, when it
+knows it hain&rsquo;t; it knows, if it knows anything, that it is jest a plain
+dog.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;You see Serepta has been embittered by the trials that politics, corrupt
+legislation have brought right onto her. She didn&rsquo;t want nothin&rsquo; to
+do with &rsquo;em, but they come onto her onexpected and onbeknown, and she
+feels that she must do everything she can to alter matters. She wants to help
+make the laws that have such a overpowerin&rsquo; influence over her. She
+believes they can&rsquo;t be much worse than they are now, and may be a little
+better.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah,&rdquo; interrupted the Senator, &ldquo;if Serepta wishes to change
+political affairs, let her influence her children, her boys, and they will
+carry her benign and noble influence forward into the centuries.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;But the law took her boy, her little boy and girl, away from her.
+Through the influence of the Whiskey Ring, of which her husband wuz a
+shinin&rsquo; member, he got possession of her boy. And so the law has made it
+perfectly impossible for her to mould it indirectly through him, what Serepta
+duz she must do herself.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah! my dear woman. A sad thing for Serepta; I trust <i>you</i> have no
+grievance of this kind, I trust that your estimable husband is, as it were,
+estimable.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, Josiah Allen is a good man, as good as men can be. You know men or
+wimmen can&rsquo;t be only jest about so good anyway. But he&rsquo;s my choice,
+and he don&rsquo;t drink a drop.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Pardon me, madam, but if you are happy in your married relations, and
+your husband is a temperate good man, why do you feel so upon this
+subject?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, good land! if you understood the nature of a woman you would know
+my love for him, my happiness, the content and safety I feel about him and our
+boy, makes me realize the sufferin&rsquo;s of Serepta in havin&rsquo; her
+husband and boy lost to her; makes me realize the depth of a wife&rsquo;s and
+mother&rsquo;s agony when she sees the one she loves goin&rsquo; down, down so
+low she can&rsquo;t reach him; makes me feel how she must yearn to help him in
+some safe sure way.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;High trees cast long shadows. The happier and more blessed a
+woman&rsquo;s life is, the more duz she feel for them that are less blessed
+than she. Highest love goes lowest, like that love that left Heaven and
+descended to earth, and into it that He might lift up the lowly. The
+pityin&rsquo; words of Him who went about pleasin&rsquo; not Himself, hants me
+and inspires me; I&rsquo;m sorry for Serepta, sorry for the hull wimmen race of
+the nation, and for the men too. Lots of &rsquo;em are good creeters, better
+than wimmen, some on &rsquo;em. They want to do right, but don&rsquo;t exactly
+see the way to do it. In the old slavery times some of the masters wuz more to
+be pitied than the slaves. They could see the injustice, feel the wrong they
+wuz doin&rsquo;, but old chains of Custom bound &rsquo;em, social customs and
+idees had hardened into habits of thought.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;They realized the size and heft of the evil, but didn&rsquo;t know how
+to grapple with it, and throw it. So now, many men see the evils of this time,
+want to help, but don&rsquo;t know the best way to lay holt of &rsquo;em. Life
+is a curious conundrum anyway, and hard to guess. But we can try to git the
+right answer to it as fur as we can. Serepta feels that one of the answers to
+the conundrum is in gittin&rsquo; her rights. I myself have got all the rights
+I need or want, as fur as my own happiness is concerned. My home is my castle
+(a story and a half wooden one, but dear). My towers elevate me, the
+companionship of my friends give social happiness, our children are prosperous
+and happy. We have property enough for all the comforts of life. And above all
+other things my Josiah is my love and my theme.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah, yes!&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;love is a woman&rsquo;s empire, and in
+that she should find her full content&mdash;her entire happiness and thought. A
+womanly woman will not look outside that lovely and safe and beautious
+empire.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I firmly, &ldquo;If she hain&rsquo;t a idiot she can&rsquo;t help it. Love
+is the most beautiful thing on earth, the most holy and satisfyin&rsquo;. But I
+do not ask you as a politician, but as a human bein&rsquo;, which would you
+like best, the love of a strong, earnest tender nature, for in man or woman
+&lsquo;the strongest are the tenderest, the loving are the daring,&rsquo; which
+would you like best, the love and respect of such a nature full of wit, of
+tenderness, of infinite variety, or the love of a fool?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;A fool&rsquo;s love is wearin&rsquo;, it is insipid at best, and it
+turns to vinegar. Why, sweetened water must turn to vinegar, it is its nater.
+And if a woman is bright and true-hearted, she can&rsquo;t help seein&rsquo;
+through an injustice. She may be happy in her own home. Domestic affection,
+social enjoyments, the delights of a cultured home and society, and the
+companionship of the man she loves and who loves her, will, if she is a true
+woman, satisfy her own personal needs and desires, and she would far ruther for
+her own selfish happiness rest quietly in that love, that most blessed home.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;But the bright quick intellect that delights you can&rsquo;t help
+seein&rsquo; an injustice, can&rsquo;t help seein&rsquo; through shams of all
+kinds, sham sentiment, sham compliments, sham justice. The tender lovin&rsquo;
+nature that blesses your life can&rsquo;t help feelin&rsquo; pity for them less
+blessed than herself. She looks down through the love-guarded lattice of her
+home from which your care would fain bar out all sights of woe and squaler, she
+looks down and sees the weary toilers below, the hopeless, the wretched. She
+sees the steep hills they have to climb, carryin&rsquo; their crosses, she sees
+&rsquo;em go down into the mire, dragged there by the love that should lift
+&rsquo;em up. She would not be the woman you love if she could restrain her
+hand from liftin&rsquo; up the fallen, wipin&rsquo; tears from weepin&rsquo;
+eyes, speakin&rsquo; brave words for them that can&rsquo;t speak for
+themselves. The very strength of her affection that would hold you up if you
+were in trouble or disgrace yearns to help all sorrowin&rsquo; hearts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Down in your heart you can&rsquo;t help admirin&rsquo; her for this, we
+can&rsquo;t help respectin&rsquo; the one that advocates the right, the true,
+even if they are our conquerors. Wimmen hain&rsquo;t angels; now to be candid,
+you know they hain&rsquo;t. They hain&rsquo;t any better than men. Men are
+considerable likely; and it seems curious to me that they should act so in this
+one thing. For men ort to be more honest and open than wimmen. They
+hain&rsquo;t had to cajole and wheedle and use little trickeries and deceits
+and indirect ways as wimmen have. Why, cramp a tree limb and see if it will
+grow as straight and vigorous as it would in full freedom and sunshine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Men ort to be nobler than women, sincerer, braver. And they ort to be
+ashamed of this one trick of theirn, for they know they hain&rsquo;t honest in
+it, they hain&rsquo;t generous. Give wimmen two or three generations of moral
+and legal freedom and see if men will laugh at &rsquo;em for their little
+deceits and affectations. No, men will be gentler, and wimmen nobler, and they
+will both come nearer bein&rsquo; angels, though most probable they won&rsquo;t
+be any too good then, I hain&rsquo;t a mite afraid of it.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap06"></a>VI.<br />
+&ldquo;CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+The Senator kinder sithed, and that sithe sort o&rsquo; brought me down onto my
+feet agin as it were, and a sense of my duty, and I spoke out agin:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Can you and will you do Serepta&rsquo;s errents?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He evaded a direct answer by sayin&rsquo;, &ldquo;As you alluded to the little
+indirect ways of women, dearest madam, you will pardon me for saying that it is
+my belief that the soft gentle brains of females are unfitted for the deep hard
+problems men have to grapple with. They are too doll-like, too angelically and
+sweetly frivolous.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No doubt,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;some wimmen are frivolous and some men
+foolish, for as Mrs. Poyser said, &lsquo;God made women to match the
+men,&rsquo; but these few hadn&rsquo;t ort to disfranchise the hull race of men
+and wimmen. And as to soft brains, Maria Mitchell discovered planets hid from
+masculine eyes from the beginnin&rsquo; of time, and do you think that wimmen
+can&rsquo;t see the black spots on the body politic, that darkens the life of
+her and her children?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Madame Curie discovered the light that looks through solid wood and
+iron, and you think wimmen can&rsquo;t see through unjust laws and practices,
+the rampant evils of to-day, and see what is on the other side, see a remedy
+for &rsquo;em. Florence Nightingale could mother and help cure an army, and why
+hain&rsquo;t men willin&rsquo; to let wimmen help cure a sick legislation,
+kinder mother it, and encourage it to do better? She might much better be
+doin&rsquo; that, than playin&rsquo; bridge-whist, or rastlin&rsquo; with
+hobble skirts, and it wouldn&rsquo;t devour any more time.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He sot demute for a few minutes and then he sez, &ldquo;While on the subject of
+women&rsquo;s achievements, dearest madam, allow me to ask you, if they have
+reached the importance you claim for them, why is it that so few women are made
+immortal by bein&rsquo; represented in the Hall of Fame? And why are the four
+or five females represented there put away by themselves in a remote unadorned
+corner with no roof to protect them from the rough winds and storms that beat
+upon them?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;That&rsquo;s a good illustration of what I&rsquo;ve been
+sayin&rsquo;. It wuz owin&rsquo; to a woman&rsquo;s gift that America has a
+Hall of Fame, and it would seem that common courtesy would give wimmen an
+equally desirable place amongst the Immortals. Do you spoze that if women
+formed half the committee of selection&mdash;which they should since it wuz a
+woman&rsquo;s gift that made such a place possible&mdash;do you spoze that if
+she had an equal voice with men, the names of noble wimmen would be tucked away
+in a remote unroofed corner?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Edgar Allan Poe&rsquo;s genius wuz worthy a place among the Immortals,
+no doubt; his poems and stories excite wonder and admiration. But do they move
+the soul like Mrs. Stowe&rsquo;s immortal story that thrilled the world and
+helped free a race?&mdash;yes, two races&mdash;for the curse of slavery held
+the white race in bondage, too. Yet she and her three or four woman companions
+face the stormy winds in an out-of-the-way corner, while Poe occupies his
+honorable sightly place among his fifty or more male companions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Wimmen have always been admonished to not strive for right and justice
+but to lean on men&rsquo;s generosity and chivalry. Here wuz a place where that
+chivalry would have shone, but it didn&rsquo;t seem to materialize, and if
+wimmen had leaned on it, it would have proved a weak staff, indeed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Such things as this are constantly occurring and show plain that wimmen
+needs the ballot to protect her from all sorts of wrongs and indignities. Men
+take wimmen&rsquo;s money, as they did here, and use it to uplift themselves,
+and lower her, like taxin&rsquo; her heavily and often unjustly and usin&rsquo;
+this money to help forward unjust laws which she abominates. And so it goes on,
+and will, until women are men&rsquo;s equals legally and politically.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ahem&mdash;you present things in a new light. I never looked at this
+matter with your eyes.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No, you looked at &rsquo;em through a man&rsquo;s eyes; such things are
+so customary that men do &rsquo;em without thinkin&rsquo;, from habit and
+custom, like hushin&rsquo; up children&rsquo;s talk, when they interrupt
+grown-ups.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Agin he sot demute for a short space, and then said, &ldquo;I feel that natural
+human instinct is aginst the change. In savage races that knew nothin&rsquo; of
+civilization, male force and strength always ruled.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;history tells us of savage races where wimmen
+always rule, though I don&rsquo;t think they ort to&mdash;ability and goodness
+ort to rule.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Nature is aginst it,&rdquo; sez he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I sez firmly, &ldquo;Bees and lots of other insects and animals always have
+a female for queen and ruler. They rule blindly and entirely, right on through
+the centuries, but we are enlightened and should not encourage it. In my
+opinion the male bee has just as good a right to be monarch as his female
+pardner has, if he is as good and knows as much. I never believed in the female
+workin&rsquo; ones killin&rsquo; off the male drones to save winterin&rsquo;
+&rsquo;em; they might give &rsquo;em some light chores to do round the hive to
+pay for their board. I love justice and that would be <i>my</i> way.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Agin he sithed. &ldquo;Modern history don&rsquo;t seem to favor the
+scheme&mdash;&rdquo; But his axent wuz as weak as a cat and his boughten smile
+seemed crackin&rsquo; and wearin&rsquo; out; he knowed better.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;We won&rsquo;t argy long on that p&rsquo;int, for I might
+overwhelm you if I approved of overwhelmin&rsquo;, but, will merely ask you to
+cast one eye on England. Was the rain of Victoria the Good less peaceful and
+prosperous than that of the male rulers who preceded her? And you can then
+throw your other eye over to Holland: is their sweet queen less worthy and
+beloved to-day than other European monarchs? And is her throne more shaky and
+tottlin&rsquo; than theirn?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He didn&rsquo;t try to dispute me and bowed his head on his breast in a almost
+meachin&rsquo; way. He knowed he wuz beat on every side, and almost to the end
+of his chain of rusty, broken old arguments. But anon he brightened up agin and
+sez, ketchin&rsquo; holt of the last shackly link of his argument:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;You seem to place a great deal of dependence on the Bible. The Bible is
+aginst the idee. The Bible teaches man&rsquo;s supremacy, man&rsquo;s absolute
+power and might and authority.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, how you talk,&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;In the very first chapter the
+Bible tells how man wuz turned right round by a woman, tells how she not only
+turned man round to do as she wanted him to, but turned the hull world over.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;That hain&rsquo;t nothin&rsquo; I approve of; I don&rsquo;t speak of it
+because I like the idee. That wuzn&rsquo;t done in a open honorable manner as
+things should be done. No, Eve ruled by indirect influence, the gently
+influencing men way, that politicians are so fond of. And she brought ruin and
+destruction onto the hull world by it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;A few years later when men and wimmen grew wiser, when we hear of wimmen
+rulin&rsquo; Israel openly and honestly, like Miriam, Deborah and other likely
+old four mothers, things went on better. They didn&rsquo;t act meachin&rsquo;
+and tempt, and act indirect.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He sithed powerful and sot round oneasy in his chair. And sez he, &ldquo;I
+thought wimmen wuz taught by the Bible to serve and love their homes.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;So they be. And every true woman loves to serve. Home is my supreme
+happiness and delight, and my best happiness is found in servin&rsquo; them I
+love. But I must tell the truth, in the house or outdoors.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez he faintly, &ldquo;The Old Testament may teach that women have some
+strength and power. But in the New Testament in every great undertaken&rsquo;
+and plan men have been chosen by God to carry them through.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why-ee!&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;how you talk! Have you ever read the
+Bible?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said evasively, his grandmother owned one, and he had seen it in early
+youth. And then he went on in a sort of apologizin&rsquo; way. He had always
+meant to read it, but he had entered political life at an early age where the
+Bible wuzn&rsquo;t popular, and he believed that he had never read further than
+the Epistles of Gulliver to the Liliputians.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;That hain&rsquo;t Bible, there hain&rsquo;t no Gulliver in it,
+and you mean Galatians.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, he said, that might be it, it wuz some man he knew, and he had always
+heard and believed that man wuz the only worker that God had chosen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;the one great theme of the New
+Testament&mdash;the salvation of the world through the birth of Christ&mdash;no
+man had anything to do with. Our divine Lord wuz born of God and Woman.
+Heavenly plan of redemption for fallen humanity. God Himself called woman into
+that work, the divine work of saving a world, and why shouldn&rsquo;t she
+continue in it? God called her. Mary had no dream of publicity, no desire of a
+world&rsquo;s work of suffering and renunciation. The soft air of Galilee
+wropped her about in its sweet content, as she dreamed her quiet dreams in
+maiden peace&mdash;dreamed, perhaps, of domestic love and happiness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;From that sweetest silence, the restful peace of happy innocent
+girlhood, God called her to her divine work of helpin&rsquo; redeem a world
+from sin. And did not this woman&rsquo;s love and willin&rsquo; obedience, and
+sufferin&rsquo; set her apart, baptize her for this work of liftin&rsquo; up
+the fallen, helpin&rsquo; the weak?
+</p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:100%;">
+<a name="illus03"></a>
+<a href="images/sam111.jpg">
+<img src="images/sam111.jpg" width="401" height="600" alt="Illustration:" /></a>
+<p class="caption">&ldquo;He&rsquo;d entered political life where the Bible
+wuzn&rsquo;t popular; he&rsquo;d never read further than Gulliver&rsquo;s
+Epistle to the Liliputians.&rdquo;</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Is it not a part of woman&rsquo;s life that she gave at the birth and
+crucifixion? Her faith, her hope, her sufferin&rsquo;, her glow of divine pity
+and joyful martyrdom. These, mingled with the divine, the pure heavenly, have
+they not for nineteen hundred years been blessin&rsquo; the world? The God in
+Christ would awe us too much; we would shield our eyes from the too
+blindin&rsquo; glory of the pure God-like. But the tender Christ who wept over
+a sinful city, and the grave of His friend, who stopped dyin&rsquo; on the
+cross to comfort His mother&rsquo;s heart, provide for her future&mdash;it is
+this womanly element in our Lord&rsquo;s nature that makes us dare to approach
+Him, dare to kneel at His feet?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And since woman wuz so blessed as to be counted worthy to be co-worker
+with God in the beginnin&rsquo; of the world&rsquo;s redemption; since He
+called her from the quiet obscurity of womanly rest and peace into the blessed
+martyrdom of renunciation and toil and sufferin&rsquo;, all to help a world
+that cared nothin&rsquo; for her, that cried out shame upon her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;He will help her carry on the work of helpin&rsquo; a sinful world. He
+will protect her in it, she cannot be harmed or hindered, for the cause she
+loves of helpin&rsquo; men and wimmen, is God&rsquo;s cause too, and God will
+take care of His own. Herods full of greed and frightened selfishness may try
+to break her heart by efforts to kill the child she loves, but she will hold it
+so clost to her bosom he can&rsquo;t destroy it; and the light of the Divine
+will go before her, showin&rsquo; the way through the desert and wilderness
+mebby, but she shall bear it into safety.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;You spoke of Herod,&rdquo; sez he dreamily, &ldquo;the name sounds
+familiar to me. Was not Mr. Herod once in the United States Senate?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Not that one,&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;He died some time ago, but I guess he
+has relatives there now, judgin&rsquo; from laws made there. You ask who Herod
+wuz, and as it all seems a new story to you, I will tell you. When the Saviour
+of the world wuz born in Bethlehem, and a woman wuz tryin&rsquo; to save His
+life, a man by the name of Herod wuz tryin&rsquo; his best out of selfishness
+and greed to murder Him.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah! that was not right in Herod.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No, it hain&rsquo;t been called so. And what wuzn&rsquo;t right in him
+hain&rsquo;t right in his relations who are tryin&rsquo; to do the same thing
+to-day. Sellin&rsquo; for money the right to destroy the child the mother
+carries on her heart. Surroundin&rsquo; him with temptations so murderous, yet
+so enticin&rsquo; to youthful spirits, that the mother feels that as the laws
+are now, the grave is the only place of safety that God Himself can find for
+her boy. But because Herod wuz so mean it hain&rsquo;t no sign that all men are
+mean. Joseph wuz as likely as he could be.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Joseph?&rdquo; sez he pensively. &ldquo;Do you allude to our venerable
+speaker, Joe Cannon?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No,&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m talkin&rsquo; Bible&mdash;I&rsquo;m
+talkin&rsquo; about Joseph; jest plain Joseph.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Ah! I see. I am not fully familiar with that work. Being so engrossed in
+politics, and political literature, I don&rsquo;t git any time to devote to
+less important publications.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I candidly, &ldquo;I knew you hadn&rsquo;t read it the minute you mentioned
+the book of Liliputians. But as I wuz sayin&rsquo;, Joseph wuz a likely man. He
+had the strength to lead the way, overcome obstacles, keep dangers from Mary,
+protect her tenderer form with the mantilly of his generous devotion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;<i>But she carried the Child on her bosom</i>; ponderin&rsquo; high
+things in her heart that Joseph never dreamed of. That is what is wanted now,
+and in the future. The man and the woman walkin&rsquo; side by side. He a
+little ahead, mebby, to keep off dangers by his greater strength and courage.
+She a-carryin&rsquo; the infant Christ of Love, bearin&rsquo; the baby Peace in
+her bosom, carryin&rsquo; it into safety from them that seek to destroy it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And as I said before, if God called woman into this work, He will enable
+her to carry it through. He will protect her from her own weaknesses, and the
+misapprehensions and hard judgments and injustices of a gain-sayin&rsquo;
+world.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, the star of hope is risin&rsquo; in the sky brighter and brighter,
+and wise men are even now comin&rsquo; to the mother of the new Redeemer, led
+by the star.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He sot demute. Silence rained for some time; and finally I spoke out solemnly
+through the rain:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Will you do Serepta&rsquo;s errents? Will you give her her rights? And
+will you break the Whiskey Ring?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said he would love to do the errents, I had convinced him that it would be
+just and right to do &rsquo;em, but the Constitution of the United States stood
+up firm aginst &rsquo;em. As the laws of the United States wuz, he could not
+make any move toward doin&rsquo; either of the errents.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Can&rsquo;t the laws be changed?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Be changed? Change the laws of the United States? Tamper with the
+glorious Constitution that our fore-fathers left us&mdash;an immortal sacred
+legacy.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He jumped up on his feet and his second-hand smile fell off. He kinder shook as
+if he wuz skairt most to death and tremblin&rsquo; with horrow. He did it to
+skair me, I knew, but I knowed I meant well towards the Constitution and our
+old forefathers; and my principles stiddied me and held me firm and serene. And
+when he asked me agin in tones full of awe and horrow:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin&rsquo;
+the unalterable laws of the United States&mdash;tampering with the
+Constitution?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, that is what I said. Hain&rsquo;t they never been changed?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see that he
+could not skair me to death; an&rsquo; sez he, &ldquo;Oh, yes, they&rsquo;ve
+been changed in cases of necessity.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;For instance durin&rsquo; the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make
+Northern men cheap bloodhounds and hunters.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;it seemed to be a case of necessity and
+economy.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I know it,&rdquo; sez I; &ldquo;men wuz cheaper than any other breed of
+bloodhounds the slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with, and
+more faithful.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;it wuz a case of clear economy.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And sez I: &ldquo;The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, yes,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;it had been changed to enable whiskey
+dealers to utilize the surplus liquor they import.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez he, gittin&rsquo; kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familar
+theme, &ldquo;Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly calculate
+how much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than have the whiskey
+dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And then,&rdquo; sez he,
+growin&rsquo; still more candid in his excitement, &ldquo;we are makin&rsquo; a
+powerful effort to change the laws now so as to take the tax off of whiskey, so
+it can be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater quantities by the masses. Any
+such great laws would justify a change in the Constitution and the laws; but
+for any frivolous cause, any trivial cause, madam, we male custodians of the
+sacred Constitution stand as walls of iron before it, guarding it from any
+shadow of change. Faithful we will be, faithful unto death.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I had
+convinced you that Serepta&rsquo;s errents wuz errents of truth and justice,
+and you would love to do &rsquo;em.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, yes, yes&mdash;I would love to&mdash;as it were&mdash;. But, my
+dear madam, much as I would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote
+to the cause of Right and Justice. I don&rsquo;t think you realize the constant
+pressure of hard work that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that
+the liquor dealers suffer no loss&mdash;we have to do that, of course.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And he continued dreamily, as if losin&rsquo; sight of me and talkin&rsquo; to
+himself: &ldquo;The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them
+loudly to please the common people, and help &rsquo;em secretly to please
+ourselves, or our richest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the Indian
+Agency, the Land Grabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are surrounded by
+a host of bandits that we have to appease and profit by; oh, how these matters
+wear into the gray matter of our brains!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Gray matter!&rdquo; sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest
+height, &ldquo;I should call it black matter!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, the name is immaterial, but these labors, though pocket filling,
+are brain wearing. And of late I and the rest of our loyal henchmen have been
+worn out in our labors in tariff revision. You know how we claim to help the
+common people by the revision; you&rsquo;ve probable read about it in the
+papers.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez I coldly, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve hearn <i>talk</i>.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;but if we do succeed, after the most
+strenious efforts in getting the duty off champagne, green turtle, olives,
+etc., and put on to sugar, tea, cotton cloth and such like, with all this brain
+fag and brain labor&mdash;&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And tongue labor!&rdquo; sez I in a icy axent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes, after all this ceaseless toil the common people will not show any
+gratitude; we statesmen labor oft with aching hearts.&rdquo; And he leaned his
+forward on his hand and sithed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But my looks wuz like ice-suckles on the north side of a barn. And I stopped
+his complaints and his sithes by askin&rsquo; in a voice that demanded a reply:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Can you and will you do Serepta&rsquo;s errents? Errents full of truth
+and justice and eternal right?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said he knew they wuz jest runnin&rsquo; over with them qualities, but happy
+as it would make him to do &rsquo;em, he had to refuse owin&rsquo; to the fur
+more important matters he had named, and the many, many other laws and
+preambles that he hadn&rsquo;t time to name over to me. &ldquo;Mebby you have
+heard,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;that we are now engaged in making most important
+laws concerning moth-millers, and minny fish, and hog cholera. And take it with
+these important bills and the constant strain on our minds in tryin&rsquo; to
+pass laws to increase our own salaries, you can see jest how cramped we are for
+time. And though we would love to pass some laws of truth and
+righteousness&mdash;we fairly ache to&mdash;yet not havin&rsquo; the requisite
+time we are forced to lay &rsquo;em on the table or under it.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;I guess I may as well be
+a-goin&rsquo;.&rdquo; And I bid him a cool goodbye and started for the door.
+But jest as my hand wuz on the nub he jumped up and opened the door,
+wearin&rsquo; that boughten second-hand smile agin on his linement, and sez he:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Dear madam, perhaps Senator B. will do the errents for you.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I, &ldquo;Where is Senator B.?&rdquo; And he said I would find him at his
+Post of Duty at the Capitol.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;I will hunt up the Post,&rdquo; and did. A
+grand enough place for a Emperor or a Zar is the Capitol of our great nation
+where I found him, a good natured lookin&rsquo; boy in buttons showin&rsquo; me
+the Post.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap07"></a>VII.<br />
+&ldquo;NO HAMPERIN&rsquo; HITCHIN&rsquo; STRAPS&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+Well, Senator B. wanted to do the errents but said it wuz not his place, and
+sent me to Senator C., and he almost cried, he wanted to do &rsquo;em so bad,
+but stern duty tied him to his Post, he said, and he sent me to Senator D., and
+he <i>did</i> cry onto his handkerchief, he wanted to do the errents so bad,
+and said it would be such a good thing to have &rsquo;em done. He bust right
+into tears as he said he had to refuse to do &rsquo;em. Whether they wuz wet
+tears or dry ones I couldn&rsquo;t tell, his handkerchief wuz so big, but I
+hearn his sithes, and they wuz deep and powerful ones.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But as I sez to him, &ldquo;Wet tears, nor dry ones, nor windy sithes
+didn&rsquo;t help do the errents.&rdquo; So I went on his sobbin&rsquo; advice
+to Senator E., and he wuz huffy and didn&rsquo;t want to do &rsquo;em and said
+so. And said his wife had thirteen children, and wimmen instead of votin&rsquo;
+ort to go and do likewise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I told him it wouldn&rsquo;t look well in onmarried wimmen and widders, and
+if they should foller her example folks would talk.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And he said, &ldquo;They ort to marry.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I said, &ldquo;As the fashion is now, wimmen had to wait for some man to
+ask &rsquo;em, and if they didn&rsquo;t come up to the mark and ask &rsquo;em,
+who wuz to blame?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He wouldn&rsquo;t answer, and looked sulky, but honest, and wouldn&rsquo;t tell
+me who to go to to git the errents done.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But jest outside his door I met the Senator I had left sobbin&rsquo; over the
+errents. He looked real hilarious, but drawed his face down when he ketched my
+eye, and sithed several times, and sent me to Senator F. and he sent me to
+Senator G.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And suffice it to say I wuz sent round, and talked to, and cried at, and sulked
+to, and smiled at and scowled at, and encouraged and discouraged, &rsquo;till
+my head swum and my knees wobbled under me. And with all my efforts and outlay
+of oratory and shue leather not one of Serepta Pester&rsquo;s errents could I
+git done, and no hopes held out of their ever bein&rsquo; done. And about the
+middle of the afternoon I gin up, there wuz no use in tryin&rsquo; any longer
+and I turned my weary tracks towards the outside door. But as bad as I felt, I
+couldn&rsquo;t help my sperit bein&rsquo; lifted up some by the grandeur about
+me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh, my land! to stand in the immense hall and look up, and up, and see all the
+colors of the rain-bow and see what wonderful pictures there wuz up there in
+the sky above me as it were. Why, it seemed curiouser than any Northern lights
+I ever see in my life, and they stream up dretful curious sometimes. And as I
+walked through that lofty and most beautiful place and realized the size and
+majestic proportions of the buildin&rsquo; I wondered to myself that a small
+law, a little unjust law could ever be passed in such grand and magnificent
+surroundin&rsquo;s. And I sez to myself, it can&rsquo;t be the fault of the
+place anyway; the law-makers have a chance for their souls to soar if they want
+to, here is room and to spare to pass laws big as elephants and camels, and I
+wondered that they should ever try to pass laws as small as muskeeters and
+nats. Thinkses I, I wonder them little laws don&rsquo;t git to strollin&rsquo;
+round and git lost in them magnificent corridors. But I consoled myself,
+thinkin&rsquo; it wouldn&rsquo;t be no great loss if they did. But right here,
+as I wuz thinkin&rsquo; on these deep and lofty subjects, I met the good
+natured young chap that had showed me round and he sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;You look fatigued, mom.&rdquo; (Soarin&rsquo; even to yourself is
+tuckerin&rsquo;.) &ldquo;You look very fatigued; won&rsquo;t you take
+something?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I looked at him with a curious silent sort of a look; for I didn&rsquo;t know
+what he meant. Agin he looked clost at me and sort o&rsquo; pityin&rsquo;; and
+sez he, &ldquo;You look tired out, mom. Won&rsquo;t you take something? Let me
+treat you to something; what will you take, mom?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I thought he wuz actin&rsquo; dretful liberal, but I knew they had strange ways
+in Washington anyway. And I didn&rsquo;t know but it wuz their way to make some
+present to every woman that comes there, and I didn&rsquo;t want to act awkward
+and out of style, so I sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to take anything, and don&rsquo;t see any reason why
+you should insist on&rsquo;t. But if I have got to take sunthin&rsquo; I had
+jest as soon have a few yards of factory cloth as anything. That always comes
+handy.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I thought that if he wuz determined to treat me to show his good feelin&rsquo;s
+towards me, I would git sunthin&rsquo; useful and that would do me some good,
+else what wuz the good of bein&rsquo; treated? And I thought that if I had got
+to take a present from a strange man, I would make a shirt for Josiah out of
+it. I thought that would save jealousy and make it right so fur as goodness
+went.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;But,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;I mean beer or wine or liquor of some
+kind.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez he, &ldquo;There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez I in awful axents, &ldquo;It is very appropriate to have it here
+handy!&rdquo; Sez I, &ldquo;Liquor duz more towards makin&rsquo; the laws of
+the United States from Caucus to Convention than anything else duz, and it is
+highly proper to have it here so they can soak the laws in it right off before
+they lay &rsquo;em onto the table or under &rsquo;em, or pass &rsquo;em onto
+the people. It is highly appropriate,&rdquo; sez I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez he. &ldquo;It is very handy for the Senators and
+Congressmen, and let me get you a glass.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No, you won&rsquo;t!&rdquo; sez I firmly. &ldquo;The nation suffers
+enough from that room now without havin&rsquo; Josiah Allen&rsquo;s wife let
+in.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez he, &ldquo;If you have any feeling of delicacy in goin&rsquo; in there, let
+me make some wine here. I will get a glass of water and make you some pure
+grape wine, or French brandy, or corn or rye whiskey. I have all the drugs
+right here.&rdquo; And he took a little box out of his pocket. &ldquo;My father
+is a importer of rare old wines, and I know just how it is done. I have
+&rsquo;em all here, Capsicum, Coculus Indicus, alum, copperas, strychnine; I
+will make some of the choicest, oldest, and purest imported liquors we have in
+the country, in five minutes if you say so.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No!&rdquo; sez I firmly, &ldquo;when I want to foller Cleopatra&rsquo;s
+fashion and commit suicide, I will hire a rattlesnake and take my pizen as she
+did, on the outside.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, I got back to Hiram Cagwin&rsquo;s tired as a dog, and Serepta&rsquo;s
+errents ondone. But my conscience opholded me and told me I had done my very
+best, and man or woman can do no more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, the next day but one wuz the big outdoor suffrage meetin&rsquo;. And we
+sot off in good season, Hiram feelin&rsquo; well enough to be left with the
+hired help. Polly started before we did with some of her college mates,
+lookin&rsquo; pretty as a pink with a red rose pinned over a achin&rsquo;
+heart, so I spoze, for she loved the young man who wuz out with another girl
+May-flowering. Burnin&rsquo; zeal and lofty principle can&rsquo;t take the
+place in a woman&rsquo;s heart of love and domestic happiness, and men
+needn&rsquo;t be afraid it will. There is no more danger on&rsquo;t than there
+is of a settin&rsquo; hen wantin&rsquo; to leave her nest to be a commercial
+traveler. Nature has made laws for wimmen and hens that no ballot, male or
+female, can upset.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Josiah and Lorinda and I went in the trolley in good season, so&rsquo;s to git
+a sightly place, Lorinda protestin&rsquo; all the time aginst the indelicacy
+and impropriety of wimmen&rsquo;s appearin&rsquo; in outdoor meetin&rsquo;s,
+forgittin&rsquo;, I spose, the dense procession of wimmen that fills the
+avenues every day, follerin&rsquo; Fashion and Display. As nigh as I could make
+out the impropriety consisted in wimmen&rsquo;s follerin&rsquo; after Justice
+and Right.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Josiah&rsquo;s face looked dubersome. I guess he wuz worryin&rsquo; over his
+offer to represent me, and thinkin&rsquo; of Aunt Susan and the twins.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But as it turned out I met Diantha while Josiah wuz in a shop buyin&rsquo; some
+peppermint lozengers, and she said her niece had come from the West, and they
+got along all right. So that lifted my burden. But I thought best not to tell
+Josiah, as he wuz so bound to represent me. I thought it wouldn&rsquo;t do any
+hurt to let him think it over about the job a man took on himself when he sot
+out to represent a woman. They wouldn&rsquo;t like it in lots of ways, as
+willin&rsquo; as they seem to be in print.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Wimmen go through lots of things calm and patient that would make a man flinch
+and shy off like a balky horse, and visey versey. I wouldn&rsquo;t want to
+represent Josiah lots of times, breakin&rsquo; colts, ploughin&rsquo;
+greensward, cuttin&rsquo; cord-wood etc., etc. Men and wimmen want equal legal
+rights to represent themselves and their own sex which are different, and
+always must be, and both sexes don&rsquo;t want to be hampered and sot down on
+by the other one. That is gauldin&rsquo; to human nater, male or female.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We got a good place nigh the speakers&rsquo; stand, and we hadn&rsquo;t stood
+there long before the parade hove in sight, the yeller banners streamin&rsquo;
+out like sunshine on a rainy day, police outriders, music, etc.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+More than a hundred automobiles led the parade and five times as many wimmen
+walkin&rsquo; afoot. A big grand-stand with the lady speakers and their friends
+on it, all dressed pretty as pinks. For the old idee that suffragists
+don&rsquo;t care for attractive dress and domestic life wuz exploded long ago,
+and many other old superstitions went up in the blaze.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Those of us who have gray hair can remember when if a man spoke favorably of
+women&rsquo;s rights the sarcastic question was asked him: &ldquo;How old is
+Susan B. Anthony?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And this fine wit and cuttin&rsquo; ridicule would silence argument and quench
+the spirit of the upholder.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the world moves. Susan&rsquo;s memory is beloved and revered, and the
+contemptious ridicule of the onthinkin&rsquo; and ignorant only nourished the
+laurels the world lays on her tomb.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At that time accordin&rsquo; to popular opinion a suffragist wuz a slatternly
+woman with uncombed locks, dangling shoe strings, and bloomers, stridin&rsquo;
+through an unswept house onmindful of dirty children or hungry husband, but the
+world moves onward and public opinion with it. Suffragists are the best
+mothers, the best housekeepers, the best dressers of any wimmen in the land.
+Search the records and you&rsquo;ll find it so, and why?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Because they know sunthin&rsquo;, it takes common sense to make a gooseberry
+pie as it ort to be. And the more a woman knows and the more justice she
+demands, the better for her husband. The same sperit that rebels at tyranny and
+injustice rebels at dirt, disorder, discomfort, and all unpleasant conditions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I looked ahead with my mind&rsquo;s eye and see them pretty college girls
+settled down in pleasant homes of their own, where sanitary laws prevailed,
+where the babies wuzn&rsquo;t fed pickles and cabbage, and kep&rsquo; in
+air-tight enclosures. Where the husbands did not have to go outside their own
+homes to find cheer and comfort, and intelligent conversation, and where Love
+and Common Sense walked hand in hand toward Happiness and Contentment, Justice,
+with her blinders offen her eyes, goin&rsquo; ahead on &rsquo;em. I never liked
+the idee of Justice wearin&rsquo; them bandages over her eyes. She ort to have
+both eyes open; if anybody ever needed good eyesight she duz, to choose the
+straight and narrer road, lookin&rsquo; backward to see the mistakes she has
+made in the past, so&rsquo;s to shun &rsquo;em in the future, and lookin&rsquo;
+all round her in the present to see where she can help matters, and
+lookin&rsquo; fur off in the future to the bright dawn of a Tomorrow. To the
+shinin&rsquo; mount of Equal Rights and full Liberty. Where she sees men and
+wimmen standin&rsquo; side by side with no halters or hamperin&rsquo;
+hitchin&rsquo; straps on either on &rsquo;em. He more gentle and considerate,
+and she less cowardly and emotional.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Good land! what could Justice do blind in one eye and wimmen on the blind side?
+But good sensible wimmen are reachin&rsquo; up and pullin&rsquo; the bandages
+offen her eyes. She&rsquo;s in a fair way to git her eyesight. But I&rsquo;m
+eppisodin&rsquo;, and to resoom forward.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap08"></a>VIII.<br />
+&ldquo;OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN&rsquo;&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+There wuz some pleasant talkin&rsquo; and jokin&rsquo; between bystanders and
+suffragettes, and then some good natured but keen and sensible speeches. And
+one pretty speaker told about the doin&rsquo;s at Albany and Washington. How
+women&rsquo;s respectful pleas for justice are treated there. How the
+law-makers, born and nussed by wimmen and dependent on &rsquo;em for comfort
+and happiness, use the wimmen&rsquo;s tax money to help make laws makin&rsquo;
+her of no legal importance only as helpless figgers to hang taxation and
+punishment on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Old Mom Nater had been listenin&rsquo; clost, her sky-blue eyes shinin&rsquo;
+with joy to see her own sect present such a noble appearance in the parade. But
+when these insults and indignities wuz brung up to her mind agin and she
+realized afresh how wimmen couldn&rsquo;t git no more rights accorded to her
+than a dog or a hen, and worse. For a hen or a dog wouldn&rsquo;t be taxed to
+raise money for turkle soup and shampain to nourish the law-makers whilst they
+made the laws agin &rsquo;em&mdash;Mom Nater&rsquo;s eyes clouded over with
+indignation and resentment, and she boo-hooed right out a-cryin&rsquo;.
+Helpless tears, of no more account than other females have shed, and will, as
+they set on their hard benches with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Of course she wiped up her tears pretty soon, not willin&rsquo; to lose any of
+the wimmen&rsquo;s bright speeches. But when her tear-drops fell fast, Josiah
+sez to me, &ldquo;You&rsquo;ll see them wimmen run like hikers now, wimmen
+always thought more of shiffon and fol-de-rols than they did of
+principle.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I sez, &ldquo;Wait and see,&rdquo; (we wuz under a awnin&rsquo; and
+protected).
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the young and pretty speaker who wore a light silk dress and exquisite
+bunnet, kep&rsquo; right on talkin&rsquo; jest as calmly as if she didn&rsquo;t
+know her pretty dress wuz bein&rsquo; spilte and her bunnet gittin&rsquo; wet
+as sop, and I sez to Josiah:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;When wimmen are so in earnest, and want anything so much they can stand
+soakin&rsquo; in their best dresses, and let their Sunday bunnets be spilte on
+their heads, not noticin&rsquo; &rsquo;em seemin&rsquo;ly, but keep right on
+pleadin&rsquo; for right and justice, they are in a fair way of gittin&rsquo;
+what they are after.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He looked kinder meachin&rsquo; but didn&rsquo;t dispute me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The speeches wuz beautiful and convincin&rsquo;, and pretty soon old Mom Nater
+stopped cryin&rsquo; to hear &rsquo;em, and she and I both listened full of joy
+and happiness to see with what eloquence and justice our sect wuz
+pleadin&rsquo; our cause. Their arguments wuz so reasonable and
+convincin&rsquo; that I said to myself, I don&rsquo;t see how anybody can help
+bein&rsquo; converted to this righteous cause, the liftin&rsquo; up of wimmen
+from her uncomfortable crouchin&rsquo; poster with criminals and idiots, up to
+the place she should occupy by the side of other good citizens of the United
+States, with all the legal and moral rights that go with that noble title.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And right whilst I wuz thinkin&rsquo; this, sunthin&rsquo; wuz happenin&rsquo;
+that proved I wuz right in my eppisodin&rsquo;, and somebody awful sot agin it
+wuz bein&rsquo; converted then and there (but of this more anon and bom-bye).
+We stayed till we heard the last word of the last speech, I happy and proud in
+sperit, Lorinda partly converted, she couldn&rsquo;t help it, though she
+wouldn&rsquo;t own up to it at that juncter. And Josiah lookin&rsquo; real
+deprested, the thought of representin&rsquo; me wuz worryin&rsquo; him I knew,
+for I hearn him say (soty vosy), &ldquo;Represent wimmen or not, I hain&rsquo;t
+goin&rsquo; to set up all night with no old woman, and lift her round, nor dry
+nuss no twins.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And thinkin&rsquo; his sperit wuz pierced to a sufficient depth by his
+apprehension, so reason could be planted and take root, and he wouldn&rsquo;t
+be so anxious in the future to represent a woman, I told him what Diantha said
+and we all went home in good sperits. The sun shone clear, the rain had washed
+the face of the Earth till it shone, and everything looked gay and joyous.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When we got to Lorinda&rsquo;s we see a auto standin&rsquo; in front of the
+door full of flowery branches in front and the pink posies lookin&rsquo; no
+more bright and rosy than the faces of the two young folks settin&rsquo; there.
+It wuz Polly and Royal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It seemed that when he and Maud got back from the country (and they
+didn&rsquo;t stay long, Royal wuz so restless and oneasy) Maud insisted on his
+takin&rsquo; her to the suffrage meetin&rsquo; jest to make fun on&rsquo;t, so
+I spoze. She thought she had rubbed out Polly&rsquo;s image and made a
+impression herself on Royal&rsquo;s heart that only needed stompin&rsquo; in a
+little deeper, and she thought ridicule would be the stomper she needed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But when they got to the meetin&rsquo; and he see Polly settin&rsquo; like a
+lily amongst flowers, and read in her lovely face the earnest desire to lift
+the burden from the heavy laden, comfort the sorrowful, right the wrong, and do
+what she could in her day and generation&mdash;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I spoze his eyes could only see her sweet face. But he couldn&rsquo;t help his
+ears from hearin&rsquo; the reasonable, eloquent words of earnest and womanly
+wimmen, so full of good sense and truth and justice that no reasonable person
+could dispute &rsquo;em, and when he contrasted all this with the
+sneerin&rsquo; face, the sarcastic egotistic prattle of Maud, the veil dropped
+from his eyes, and he see with the New Vision.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You know how it wuz with Saul the Scoffer who went breathin&rsquo; out
+vengeance, and Eternal Right stopped him on his way with its great light. Well,
+I spoze it wuz a bright ray from that same light that shone down into
+Royal&rsquo;s heart and made him see. He wuz always good hearted and
+generous&mdash;men have always been better than the laws they have made. He
+left Maud at her home not fur away and hastened back, way-laid Polly, and bore
+her home in triumph and a thirty-horse-power car.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It don&rsquo;t make much difference I spoze how or where anybody is converted.
+The Bible speaks of some bein&rsquo; ketched out of the fire, and I spoze it is
+about the same if they are ketched out of the rain. &rsquo;Tennyrate the same
+rain that washed some of the color off Maud&rsquo;s cheeks, seemed to wash away
+the blindin&rsquo; mist of prejudice and antagonism from Royal&rsquo;s mental
+vision, leavin&rsquo; his sperit ready for the great white light of truth and
+justice to strike in. And that very day and hour he come round to Polly&rsquo;s
+way of thinkin&rsquo;, and bein&rsquo; smart as a whip and so rich, I suppose
+he will be a great accusation to the cause.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, the next day but one the Allens met in a pleasant grove on the river
+shore and we had a good growin&rsquo; time. Royal bein&rsquo; as you may say
+one of the family, took us all to the grove in his big tourin&rsquo; car, and
+the fourth trip he took Polly alone, and wuzn&rsquo;t it queer that, though the
+load wuz fur lighter, it took him three times as long as the other three trips
+together? Why, they never got there till dinner wuz on the table, and then they
+didn&rsquo;t seem to care a mite about the extra good food.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I made allowances, for as I looked into their glowin&rsquo; faces I knowed
+they wuz partakin&rsquo; of fruit from the full branches of first love, true
+love. Rich fruit that gives the divinest satisfaction of any this old earth
+affords. Food that never changes through the centuries, though fashion often
+changes, and riotous plenty or food famine may exalt or depress the sperit of
+the householder. Nothin&rsquo; but time has any power over this divine
+fruitage. He gradually, as the light of the honeymoon wanes, whets his old
+scythe and mows down some of the luxuriant branches, either cuttin&rsquo; a
+full swath, or one at a time, and the blessed consumers have to come down to
+the ordinary food of mortals. But this wuz still fur away from them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I knowed too that the ordinary food of ordinary mortals partook of under
+the full harvest moon of domestic comfort and contentment wuz not to be
+despised, though fur different. And the light fur different from the glow and
+the glamour that wropped them two together and all the rest of the world away
+from &rsquo;em.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I&rsquo;m eppisodin&rsquo; too much, and to resoom forward.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I said, we had a happy growin&rsquo; time at the Reunion, Josiah bein&rsquo;
+in fine feather to see the relation on his side presentin&rsquo; such a noble
+appearance. And like a good wife I sympathized with him in his pride and
+happiness, though I told him they didn&rsquo;t present any better appearance
+than the same number of Smiths would. And their cookin&rsquo;, though
+excellent, wuz no better than the Smiths could cook if they sot out to.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He bein&rsquo; so good natered didn&rsquo;t dispute me outright, but said he
+thought the Allens made better nut-cakes than the Smiths.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But they don&rsquo;t, no such thing. In fact I think the Smith nut-cakes are
+lighter and have a more artistic twist to &rsquo;em and don&rsquo;t devour so
+much fat a-fryin&rsquo;.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I&rsquo;d hate to set Josiah down to any better vittles. I d&rsquo;no as I
+would dast let him loose at the table at a Smith reunion, for he eat fur too
+much as it wuz. I had to give him five pepsin lozengers and some pepper tea.
+And then I looked out all night for night mairs to ride on his chist. But he
+come through it alive though with considerable pain.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We stayed two or three days longer with Lorinda, and then she and Hiram went
+part way with us as we visited our way home. We&rsquo;ve got relations
+livin&rsquo; all along the river that we owed visits to. And we went to see a
+number of &rsquo;em and enjoyed our four selves first rate. These things all
+took place more than a year ago and another man sets in the high chair, before
+which I laid Serepta&rsquo;s errents, a man not so hefty mebby weighed by
+common steelyards, but one of noble weight judged by mental and moral scales.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I d&rsquo;no whether I&rsquo;d had any better luck if I&rsquo;d presented
+Serepta&rsquo;s errents to him. Sometimes when I look in the kind eyes of his
+picter, and read his noble and eloquent words that I believe come from his very
+soul, I think mebby I&rsquo;d been more lucky if he&rsquo;d sot in the chair
+that day. But then I d&rsquo;no, there are so many influences and hendrances
+planted like thorns in the cushion of that chair that a man, no matter how
+earnest he strives to do jest right, can&rsquo;t help bein&rsquo; pricked by
+&rsquo;em and held back. And I know he could never done them errents in the
+time she sot, but I&rsquo;m in hopes he&rsquo;ll throw his powerful influence
+jest as fur as he can on the side of right, and justice to all the citizens of
+the U.S., wimmen as well as men.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&rsquo;Tennyrate, he has showed more heroism now than many soldiers who risk
+life on the battle field. For the worst foe to fight and conquer is Ridicule;
+and he and others in high places have attackted Fashion so entrenched in the
+solid armour of Habit that most public men wouldn&rsquo;t have dasted to take
+arms agin it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And the long waves of Time must swash up agin the shores of Eternity, before
+the good it has done can be estimated. How fur the influence has extended. How
+many weak wills been strengthened. How many broken hearts healed. How many
+young lives inspired to nobler and saner living.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But to resoom forward, I can&rsquo;t nor won&rsquo;t carry them errents of
+Serepta&rsquo;s there again. It is too wearin&rsquo; for one of my age and my
+rheumatiz. What a tedious time I did put in there. It wuz a day long to be
+remembered by me.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap09"></a>IX.<br />
+THE WOMEN&rsquo;S PARADE</h2>
+
+<p>
+Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He&rsquo;d took off a
+big crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he&rsquo;d sent to New
+York, an&rsquo; he sez to me:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;That consarned Middleman is cheatin&rsquo; me the worst kind. I know the
+yaller Plymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor&rsquo;n the white Leghorns;
+they&rsquo;re bigger and it stands to reason they&rsquo;re worth more, and he
+don&rsquo;t give nigh so much. I believe he eats &rsquo;em himself and
+that&rsquo;s why he wants to git &rsquo;em cheaper.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No Middleman,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;could eat fifty dozen a week.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;He could if he eat enough at one time. &rsquo;Tennyrate, I&rsquo;m
+goin&rsquo; to New York to see about it.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;When are you goin&rsquo;?&rdquo; sez I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I&rsquo;m goin&rsquo; to-morrow mornin&rsquo;. I&rsquo;m goin&rsquo; in
+onexpected and I lay out to catch him devourin&rsquo; them big eggs
+himself.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, shaw!&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;The idee!&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry.
+Don&rsquo;t you remember what one on &rsquo;em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and
+what he writ back? He&rsquo;d sent a great load of potatoes to him and he
+didn&rsquo;t get hardly anything for &rsquo;em, only their big bill for
+sellin&rsquo; &rsquo;em. They charged him for freightage, carage, storage,
+porterage, weightage, and to make their bill longer, they put in <i>ratage</i>
+and <i>satage</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Uncle Sime writ back &lsquo;You infarnel thief, you, put in
+&ldquo;stealage&rdquo; and keep the whole on&rsquo;t.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I sez, &ldquo;They&rsquo;re not all dishonest. There are good men among
+&rsquo;em as well as bad.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for
+&lsquo;ratage&rsquo; and &lsquo;satage&rsquo; I&rsquo;m goin&rsquo; to see what
+they are, and how they look.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;if you&rsquo;re bound to go, I&rsquo;ll get
+up and get a good breakfast and go with you.&rdquo; It was the day of the
+Woman&rsquo;s Suffrage Parade and I wanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog,
+and had ever since I hearn of it. Though some of the Jonesvillians felt
+different. The Creation Searchin&rsquo; Society wuz dretful exercised about it.
+The President&rsquo;s stepma is a strong She Aunty and has always ruled
+Philander with an iron hand. I&rsquo;ve always noticed that women who
+didn&rsquo;t want any rights always took the right to have their own way. But
+&rsquo;tennyrate Philander come up a very strong He Aunty. And he felt that the
+Creation Searchers ort to go to New York that day to assist the Aunties in
+sneerin&rsquo; at the marchers, writin&rsquo; up the parade, and helpin&rsquo;
+count &rsquo;em. Philander wuz always good at figures, specially at
+subtraction, and he and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn&rsquo;t need no help at that.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But Philander called a meetin&rsquo; of the Creation Searchers to make
+arrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin&rsquo; wuz a
+powerful effort. And the members most all on &rsquo;em believin&rsquo; as he
+did&mdash;they said it wuz a dretful interestin&rsquo; meetin&rsquo;.
+Sunthin&rsquo; like a love feast, only more wrought up and excitin&rsquo;.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The editor of the <i>Auger</i> printed the whole thing in his paper, and said
+it give a staggerin&rsquo; blow agin Woman&rsquo;s Suffrage, and he
+didn&rsquo;t know but it wuz a death blow&mdash;he hoped it wuz.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;A Woman&rsquo;s Parade,&rdquo; sez Philander, &ldquo;is the most
+abominable sight ever seen on our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed
+up in fine clothes standin&rsquo; up on her feet, and paradin&rsquo; herself
+before strange men. Oh! how bold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder,&rdquo; says he,
+&ldquo;the She Aunties are shocked at the sight, and say they marched to
+attract the attention of men. Why can&rsquo;t women stay to home and set down
+and knit? And then men would love &rsquo;em. But if they keep on with these
+bold, forward actions, men won&rsquo;t love &rsquo;em, and they will find out
+so. And it has always been, and is now, man&rsquo;s greatest desire and
+chiefest aim he has aimed at, to protect women, to throw the shinin&rsquo;
+mantilly of his constant devotion about her delikit form and shield her and
+guard her like the very apples in his eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Woman is too sweet and tender a flower to have any such hardship put
+upon her, and it almost crazes a man, and makes him temporarily out of his
+head, to see women do anything to hazard that inheriant delicacy of hern, that
+always appealed so to the male man.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Let us go forth, clad in our principles (and ordinary clothing, of
+course), and show just where we stand on the woman question, and do all we can
+to assist the gentle feminine She Aunties. Lovely, retirin&rsquo; females whose
+pictures we so often see gracin&rsquo; the sensational newspapers. Their white
+womanly neck and shoulders, glitterin&rsquo; with jewels, no brighter than
+their eyes. They don&rsquo;t appear there for sex appeal, or to win admiration.
+No indeed! No doubt they shrink from the publicity. And also shrink from making
+speeches in the Senate chambers or the halls of Justice, but will do so,
+angelic martyrs that they are, to hold their erring Suffrage sisters back from
+their brazen efforts at publicity and public speakin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They said his speech wuz cheered wildly, give out for publication, and entered
+into the moments of the Society.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But after all, it happened real curious the day of the Parade every
+leadin&rsquo; Creation Searcher had some impediment in his way, and
+couldn&rsquo;t go, and of course, the Society didn&rsquo;t want to go without
+its leaders.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mis&rsquo; Philander Daggett, the president&rsquo;s wife, wuz paperin&rsquo;
+her settin&rsquo; room and parlor overhead. She wuz expectin&rsquo; company and
+couldn&rsquo;t put it off. And bein&rsquo; jest married, and thinkin&rsquo; the
+world of her, Philander said he dassent leave home for fear she&rsquo;d fall
+offen the barrel and break her neck. She had a board laid acrost two barrels to
+stand up on. And every day Philander would leave his outside work and come into
+the house, and set round and watch her&mdash;he thought so much of her. I
+suppose he wanted to catch her if she fell. But I didn&rsquo;t think she would
+fall. She is young and tuff, and she papered it real good, though it wuz
+dretful hard on her arm sockets and back.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And the Secretary&rsquo;s wife wuz puttin&rsquo; in a piece of onions. She
+thought she would make considerable by it, and she will, if onions keep up. But
+it is turrible hard on a woman&rsquo;s back to weed &rsquo;em. But she is
+ambitious; she raised a flock of fifty-six turkeys last year besides
+doin&rsquo; her house work, and makin&rsquo; seventy-five yards of rag carpet.
+And she thought onions wouldn&rsquo;t be so wearin&rsquo; on her as turkeys,
+for onions, she said, will stay where they are put, but turkeys are born
+wanderers and hikers. And they led her through sun and rain, swamp and swale,
+uphill and downhill, a-chasin&rsquo; &rsquo;em up, but she made well by
+&rsquo;em. Well, in puttin&rsquo; in her onion seed, she overworked herself and
+got a crick in her back, so she couldn&rsquo;t stir hand nor foot for two days.
+And bein&rsquo; only just them two, her husband had to stay home to see to
+things.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And the Treasurer&rsquo;s wife is canvassin&rsquo; for the life of William J.
+Bryan. And wantin&rsquo; to make all she could, she took a longer tramp than
+common, and didn&rsquo;t hear of the Parade or meetin&rsquo; of the C.S.S. at
+all. She writ home a day or two before the meetin&rsquo;, that she wuz
+goin&rsquo; as long as her legs held out, and they needn&rsquo;t write to her,
+for she didn&rsquo;t know where she would be.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, of course, the Creation Searchers didn&rsquo;t want to go without their
+officers. They said they couldn&rsquo;t make no show if they did. So they give
+up goin&rsquo;. But I spoze they made fun of the Woman&rsquo;s Parade amongst
+theirselves, and mourned over their indelikit onwomanly actions, and worried
+about it bein&rsquo; too hard for &rsquo;em, and sneered at &rsquo;em
+considerable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, Josiah always loves to have me with him, an&rsquo; though he&rsquo;d made
+light of the Parade, he didn&rsquo;t object to my goin&rsquo;. And suffice it
+to say that we arrove at that Middleman&rsquo;s safe and sound, though why we
+didn&rsquo;t git lost in that grand immense depo and wander &rsquo;round there
+all day like babes in the woods, is more&rsquo;n I can tell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Middleman wuzn&rsquo;t dishonest: he convinced Josiah on it. He had shipped
+the colored eggs somewhere, and of course he couldn&rsquo;t pay as much, and he
+never had hearn of <i>Ratage</i> or <i>Satage</i>. He wuz a real pleasant
+Middleman, and hearing me say how much I wanted to see the Woman&rsquo;s
+Parade, he invited us to go upstairs and set by a winder, where there was a
+good view on&rsquo;t. We&rsquo;d eat our lunch on the train and we accepted his
+invitation, and sot down by a winder then and there, though it wuz a hour or so
+before the time sot for the Parade. And I should have taken solid comfort
+watchin&rsquo; the endless procession of men and women and vehicles of all
+sorts and descriptions, but Josiah made so many slightin&rsquo; remarks on the
+dress of the females passin&rsquo; below on the sidewalk, that it made me feel
+bad. And to tell the truth, though I didn&rsquo;t think best to own up to it to
+him, I <i>did</i> blush for my sect to see the way some on &rsquo;em rigged
+themselves out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;See that thing!&rdquo; Josiah sez, as a woman passed by with her hat
+drawed down over one eye, and a long quill standin&rsquo; out straight behind
+more&rsquo;n a foot, an&rsquo; her dress puckered in so &rsquo;round the
+bottom, she couldn&rsquo;t have took a long step if a mad dog wuz chasin&rsquo;
+her&mdash;to say nothin&rsquo; of bein&rsquo; perched up on such high heels,
+that she fairly tottled when she walked.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez Josiah: &ldquo;Does that <i>thing</i> know enough to vote?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No,&rdquo; sez I, reasonably, &ldquo;she don&rsquo;t. But most probable
+if she had bigger things to think about she&rsquo;d loosen the puckerin&rsquo;
+strings &rsquo;round her ankles, push her hat back out of her eyes, an&rsquo;
+get down on her feet again.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why, Samantha,&rdquo; says he, &ldquo;if you had on one of them skirts
+tied &rsquo;round your ankles, if I wuz a-dyin&rsquo; on the upper shelf in the
+buttery, you couldn&rsquo;t step up on a chair to get to me to save your life,
+an&rsquo; I&rsquo;d have to die there alone.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why should you be dyin&rsquo; on the buttery shelf, Josiah?&rdquo; sez
+I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Oh, that wuz jest a figger of speech, Samantha.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;But folks ort to be mejum in figgers of speech, Josiah, and not go too
+fur.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Do you think, Samantha, that anybody can go too fur in describin&rsquo;
+them fool skirts, and them slit skirts, and the immodesty and indecensy of some
+of them dresses?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:100%;">
+<a name="illus04"></a>
+<a href="images/sam164.jpg">
+<img src="images/sam164.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="Illustration:" /></a>
+<p class="caption">&ldquo;Sez Josiah, &lsquo;Does that thing know enough to
+vote?&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know as they can,&rdquo; sez I, sadly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Jest look at that thing,&rdquo; sez he again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And as I looked, the hot blush of shame mantillied my cheeks, for I felt that
+my sect was disgraced by the sight. She wuz real pretty, but she didn&rsquo;t
+have much of any clothes on, and what she did wear wuzn&rsquo;t in the right
+place; not at all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez Josiah, &ldquo;That girl would look much more modest and decent if she wuz
+naked, for then she might be took for a statute.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I sez, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t blame the good Priest for sendin&rsquo; them
+away from the Lord&rsquo;s table, sayin&rsquo;, &lsquo;I will give no communion
+to a Jezabel.&rsquo; And the pity of it is,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;lots of them
+girls are innocent and don&rsquo;t realize what construction will be put on the
+dress they blindly copy from some furrin fashion plate.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then quite an old woman passed by, also robed or disrobed in the
+prevailin&rsquo; fashion, and Josiah sez, soty vosy, &ldquo;I should think she
+wuz old enough to know sunthin&rsquo;. Who wants to see her old bones?&rdquo;
+And he sez to me, real uppish, &ldquo;Do you think them things know enough to
+vote?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But jest then a young man went by dressed fashionably, but if he hadn&rsquo;t
+had the arm of a companion, he couldn&rsquo;t have walked a step; his face wuz
+red and swollen, and dissipated, and what expression wuz left in his face wuz a
+fool expression, and both had cigarettes in their mouths, and I sez,
+&ldquo;Does <i>that</i> thing know enough to vote?&rdquo; And jest behind them
+come a lot of furrin laborers, rough and rowdy-lookin&rsquo;, with no more
+expression in their faces than a mule or any other animal. &ldquo;Do
+<i>they</i> know enough to vote?&rdquo; sez I. &ldquo;As for the fitness for
+votin&rsquo; it is pretty even on both sides. Good intelligent men ortn&rsquo;t
+to lose the right of suffrage for the vice and ignorance of some of their sect,
+and that argument is jest as strong for the other sect.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But before Josiah could reply, we hearn the sound of gay music, and the Parade
+began to march on before us. First a beautiful stately figure seated fearlessly
+on a dancin&rsquo; horse, that tossted his head as if proud of the burden he
+wuz carryin&rsquo;. She managed the prancin&rsquo; steed with one hand, and
+with the other held aloft the flag of our country. Jest as women ort to, and
+have to. They have got to manage wayward pardners, children and domestics who,
+no matter how good they are, will take their bits in their mouths, and go
+sideways some of the time, but can be managed by a sensible, affectionate hand,
+and with her other hand at the same time she can carry her principles aloft,
+wavin&rsquo; in every domestic breeze, frigid or torrid, plain to be seen by
+everybody.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then come the wives and relations of Senators and Congressmen, showin&rsquo;
+that bein&rsquo; right on the spot they knowed what wimmen needed. Then the
+wimmen voters from free Suffrage states, showin&rsquo; by their noble looks
+that votin&rsquo; hadn&rsquo;t hurt &rsquo;em any. They carried the most
+gorgeous banner in the whole Parade. Then the Wimmen&rsquo;s Political Union,
+showin&rsquo; plain in their faces that understandin&rsquo; the laws that
+govern her ain&rsquo;t goin&rsquo; to keep woman from looking beautiful and
+attractive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On and on they come, gray-headed women and curly-headed children from every
+station in life: the millionairess by the working woman, and the fashionable
+society woman by the business one. Two women on horseback, and one
+blowin&rsquo; a bugle, led the way for the carriage of Madam Antoinette
+Blackwell. I wonder if she ever dreamed when she wuz tryin&rsquo; to climb the
+hill of knowledge through the thorny path of sex persecution, that she would
+ever have a bugle blowed in front of her, to honor her for her efforts, and
+form a part of such a glorious Parade of the sect she give her youth and
+strength to free.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How they swept on, borne by the waves of music, heralded by wavin&rsquo;
+banners of purple and white and gold, bearin&rsquo; upliftin&rsquo; and noble
+mottoes. Physicians, lawyers, nurses, authors, journalists, artists, social
+workers, dressmakers, milliners, women from furrin countries dressed in their
+quaint costumes, laundresses, clerks, shop girls, college girls, all
+bearin&rsquo; the pennants and banners of their different colleges: Vassar,
+Wellesley, Smith, etc., etc. High-school pupils, Woman&rsquo;s Suffrage League,
+Woman&rsquo;s Social League, and all along the brilliant line each division
+dressed in beautiful costumes and carryin&rsquo; their own gorgeous banners.
+And anon or oftener all along the long, long procession bands of music
+pealin&rsquo; out high and sweet, as if the Spirit of Music, who is always
+depictered as a woman, was glad and proud to do honor to her own sect. And all
+through the Parade you could see every little while men on foot and on
+horseback, not a great many, but jest enough to show that the really noble men
+wuz on their side. For, as I&rsquo;ve said more formally, that is one of the
+most convincin&rsquo; arguments for Woman&rsquo;s Suffrage. In fact, it
+don&rsquo;t need any other. That bad men fight against Women&rsquo;s Suffrage
+with all their might.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Down by the big marble library, the grand-stand wuz filled with men seated to
+see their wives march by on their road to Victory. I hearn and believe, they
+wuz a noble-lookin&rsquo; set of men. They had seen their wives in the past
+chasin&rsquo; Fashion and Amusement, and why shouldn&rsquo;t they enjoy
+seein&rsquo; them follow Principle and Justice? Well, I might talk all day and
+not begin to tell of the beauty and splendor of the Woman&rsquo;s Parade. And
+the most impressive sight to me wuz to see how the leaven of individual right
+and justice had entered into all these different classes of society, and how
+their enthusiasm and earnestness must affect every beholder.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And in my mind I drawed pictures of the different modes of our American women
+and our English sisters, each workin&rsquo; for the same cause, but in what a
+different manner. Of course, our English sisters may have more reason for their
+militant doin&rsquo;s; more unjust laws regarding marriage&mdash;divorce, and
+care of children, and I can&rsquo;t blame them married females for
+wantin&rsquo; to control their own money, specially if they earnt it by
+scrubbin&rsquo; floors and washin&rsquo;. I can&rsquo;t blame &rsquo;em for not
+wantin&rsquo; their husbands to take that money from them and their children,
+specially if they&rsquo;re loafers and drunkards. And, of course, there are no
+men so noble and generous as our American men. But jest lookin&rsquo; at the
+matter from the outside and comparin&rsquo; the two, I wuz proud indeed of our
+Suffragists.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While our English sisters feel it their duty to rip and tear, burn and pillage,
+to draw attention to their cause, and reach the gole (which I believe they have
+sot back for years) through the smoke and fire of carnage, our American
+Suffragettes employ the gentle, convincin&rsquo; arts of beauty and reason.
+Some as the quiet golden sunshine draws out the flowers and fruit from the cold
+bosom of the earth. Mindin&rsquo; their own business, antagonizin&rsquo; and
+troublin&rsquo; no one, they march along and show to every beholder jest how
+earnest they be. They quietly and efficiently answer that argument of the She
+Auntys, that women don&rsquo;t want to vote, by a parade two hours in length,
+of twenty thousand. They answer the argument that the ballot would render women
+careless in dress and reckless, by organizin&rsquo; and carryin&rsquo; on a
+parade so beautiful, so harmonious in color and design that it drew out
+enthusiastic praise from even the enemies of Suffrage. They quietly and without
+argument answered the old story that women was onbusiness-like and never on
+time, by startin&rsquo; the Parade the very minute it was announced, which you
+can&rsquo;t always say of men&rsquo;s parades.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It wuz a burnin&rsquo; hot day, and many who&rsquo;d always argued that women
+hadn&rsquo;t strength enough to lift a paper ballot, had prophesied that woman
+wuz too delicately organized, too &ldquo;fraguile,&rdquo; as Betsy Bobbet would
+say, to endure the strain of the long march in the torrid atmosphere.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I told Josiah that women had walked daily over the burning plow shares of
+duty and domestic tribulation, till their feet had got calloused, and could
+stand more&rsquo;n you&rsquo;d think for.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And he said he didn&rsquo;t know as females had any more burnin&rsquo; plow
+shares to tread on than men had.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I sez, &ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t say they had, Josiah. I never wanted women to
+get more praise or justice than men. I simply want &rsquo;em to get as
+much&mdash;just an even amount; for,&rdquo; sez I, solemnly, &ldquo;&lsquo;male
+and female created He them.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Josiah is a deacon, and when I quote Scripture, he has to listen respectful,
+and I went on: &ldquo;I guess it wuz a surprise even to the marchers that of
+all the ambulances that kept alongside the Parade to pick up faint and
+swoonin&rsquo; females, the only one occupied wuz by a man.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Josiah denied it, but I sez, &ldquo;I see his boots stickin&rsquo; out of the
+ambulance myself.&rdquo; Josiah couldn&rsquo;t dispute that, for he knows I am
+truthful. But he sez, sunthin&rsquo; in the sperit of two little children I
+hearn disputin&rsquo;. Sez one: &ldquo;It wuzn&rsquo;t so; you&rsquo;ve told a
+lie.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; sez the other, &ldquo;You broke a piece of china and laid
+it to me.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sez Josiah, &ldquo;You may have seen a pair of men&rsquo;s boots
+a-stickin&rsquo; out of the ambulance, but I&rsquo;ll bet they didn&rsquo;t
+have heels on &rsquo;em a inch broad, and five or six inches high.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No, Josiah,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;you&rsquo;re right. Men think too much
+of their comfort and health to hist themselves up on such little high
+tottlin&rsquo; things, and you didn&rsquo;t see many on &rsquo;em in the
+Parade.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But he went on drivin&rsquo; the arrow of higher criticism still deeper into my
+onwillin&rsquo; breast. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll bet you didn&rsquo;t see his legs
+tied together at the ankles, or his trouses slit up the sides to show gauze
+stockin&rsquo;s and anklets and diamond buckles. And you didn&rsquo;t see my
+sect who honored the Parade by marchin&rsquo; in it, have a goose quill half a
+yard long, standin&rsquo; up straight in the air from a coal-scuttle hat, or
+out sideways, a hejus sight, and threatenin&rsquo; the eyes of friend and
+foe.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;And you didn&rsquo;t see many on &rsquo;em in the Parade,&rdquo; sez I
+agin. &ldquo;Women, as they march along to Victory, have got to drop some of
+these senseless things. In fact, they are droppin&rsquo; em. You don&rsquo;t
+see waists now the size of a hour glass. It is gettin&rsquo; fashionable to
+breathe now, and women on their way to their gole will drop by the way their
+high heels; it will git fashionable to walk comfortable, and as they&rsquo;ve
+got to take some pretty long steps to reach the ballot in 1916, it stands to
+reason they&rsquo;ve got to have a skirt wide enough at the bottom to step up
+on the gole of Victory. It is a high step, Josiah, but women are goin&rsquo; to
+take it. They&rsquo;ve always tended to cleanin&rsquo; their own house, and
+makin&rsquo; it comfortable and hygenic for its members, big and little. And
+when they turn their minds onto the best way to clean the National house both
+sects have to live in to make it clean and comfortable and safe for the weak
+and helpless as well as for the strong&mdash;it stands to reason they
+won&rsquo;t have time or inclination to stand up on stilts with tied-in ankles,
+quilled out like savages.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; said Josiah, with a dark, forebodin&rsquo; look on his
+linement, &ldquo;<i>we shall see</i>.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; sez I, with a real radiant look into the future.
+&ldquo;<i>We shall see</i>, Josiah.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But he didn&rsquo;t have no idea of the beautiful prophetic vision I beheld
+with the eyes of my sperit. Good men and good women, each fillin&rsquo; their
+different spears in life, but banded together for the overthrow of evil, the
+uplift of the race.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="chap10"></a>X.<br />
+&ldquo;THE CREATION SEARCHIN&rsquo; SOCIETY&rdquo;</h2>
+
+<p>
+It was only a few days after we got home from New York that Josiah come into
+the house dretful excited. He&rsquo;d had a invitation to attend a
+meetin&rsquo; of the Creation Searchin&rsquo; Society.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Why,&rdquo; sez I, &ldquo;did they invite you? You are not a
+member?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;No,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;but they want me to help &rsquo;em be
+indignant. It is a indignation meetin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Indignant about what?&rdquo; I sez.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Fur be it from me, Samantha, to muddle up your head and hurt your
+feelin&rsquo;s by tellin&rsquo; you what it&rsquo;s fur.&rdquo; And he went out
+quick and shet the door. But I got a splendid dinner and afterwards he told me
+of his own accord.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am not a member, of course, for the president, Philander Daggett, said it
+would lower the prestige of the society in the eyes of the world to have even
+one female member. This meetin&rsquo; wuz called last week for the purpose of
+bein&rsquo; indignant over the militant doin&rsquo;s of the English
+Suffragettes. Josiah and several others in Jonesville wuz invited to be present
+at this meetin&rsquo; as sort of honorary members, as they wuz competent to be
+jest as indignant as any other male men over the tribulations of their sect.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Josiah said so much about the meetin&rsquo;, and his Honorary Indignation, that
+he got me curious, and wantin&rsquo; to go myself, to see how it wuz carried
+on. But I didn&rsquo;t have no hopes on&rsquo;t till Philander Daggett&rsquo;s
+new young wife come to visit me and I told her how much I wanted to go, and she
+bein&rsquo; real good-natered said she would make Philander let me in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He objected, of course, but she is pretty and young, and his nater bein&rsquo;
+kinder softened and sweetened by the honey of the honeymoon, she got round him.
+And he said that if we would set up in a corner of the gallery behind the
+melodeon, and keep our veils on, he would let her and me in. But we must keep
+it secret as the grave, for he would lose all the influence he had with the
+other members and be turned out of the Presidential chair if it wuz knowed that
+he had lifted wimmen up to such a hite, and gin &rsquo;em such a opportunity to
+feel as if they wuz equal to men.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, we went early and Josiah left me to Philander&rsquo;s and went on to do
+some errents. He thought I wuz to spend the evenin&rsquo; with her in
+becomin&rsquo; seclusion, a-knittin&rsquo; on his blue and white socks, as a
+woman should. But after visitin&rsquo; a spell, jest after it got duskish, we
+went out the back door and went cross lots, and got there ensconced in the dark
+corner without anybody seein&rsquo; us and before the meetin&rsquo; begun.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Philander opened the meetin&rsquo; by readin&rsquo; the moments of the last
+meetin&rsquo;, which wuz one of sympathy with the police of Washington for
+their noble efforts to break up the Woman&rsquo;s Parade, and after their
+almost Herculaneum labor to teach wimmen her proper place, and all the help
+they got from the hoodlum and slum elements, they had failed in a measure, and
+the wimmen, though stunned, insulted, spit on, struck, broken boneded, maimed,
+and tore to pieces, had succeeded in their disgustin&rsquo; onwomanly
+undertakin&rsquo;.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But it wuz motioned and carried that a vote of thanks be sent &rsquo;em and
+recorded in the moments that the Creation Searchers had no blame but only
+sympathy and admiration for the hard worked Policemen for they had done all
+they could to protect wimmen&rsquo;s delicacy and retirin&rsquo; modesty, and
+put her in her place, and no man in Washington or Jonesville could do more. He
+read these moments, in a real tender sympathizin&rsquo; voice, and I spoze the
+members sympathized with him, or I judged so from their linements as I went
+forward, still as a mouse, and peeked down on &rsquo;em.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He then stopped a minute and took a drink of water; I spoze his sympathetic
+emotions had het him up, and kinder dried his mouth, some. And then he went on
+to state that this meetin&rsquo; wuz called to show to the world, abroad and
+nigh by, the burnin&rsquo; indignation this body felt, as a society, at the
+turrible sufferin&rsquo;s and insults bein&rsquo; heaped onto their male
+brethren in England by the indecent and disgraceful doin&rsquo;s of the
+militant Suffragettes, and to devise, if possible, some way to help their male
+brethren acrost the sea. &ldquo;For,&rdquo; sez he, &ldquo;pizen will spread.
+How do we know how soon them very wimmen who had to be spit on and struck and
+tore to pieces in Washington to try to make &rsquo;em keep their place, the
+sacred and tender place they have always held enthroned as angels in a
+man&rsquo;s heart&mdash;&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here he stopped and took out his bandanna handkerchief, and wiped his eyes, and
+kinder choked. But I knew it wuz all a orator&rsquo;s art, and it didn&rsquo;t
+affect me, though I see a number of the members wipe their eyes, for this talk
+appealed to the inheriant chivalry of men, and their desire to protect wimmen,
+we have always hearn so much about.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;How do we know,&rdquo; he continued, &ldquo;how soon they may turn
+aginst their best friends, them who actuated by the loftiest and tenderest
+emotions, and determination to protect the weaker sect at any cost, took their
+valuable time to try to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, <i>angels of the
+home</i>, who knows but they may turn and throw stuns at the Capitol an&rsquo;
+badger an&rsquo; torment our noble lawmakers, a-tryin&rsquo; to make &rsquo;em
+listen to their silly petitions for justice?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In conclusion, he entreated &rsquo;em to remember that the eye of the world wuz
+on &rsquo;em, expectin&rsquo; &rsquo;em to be loyal to the badgered and woman
+endangered sect abroad, and try to suggest some way to stop them woman&rsquo;s
+disgraceful doin&rsquo;s.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cyrenus Presly always loves to talk, and he always looks on the dark side of
+things, and he riz up and said &ldquo;he didn&rsquo;t believe nothin&rsquo;
+could be done, for by all he&rsquo;d read about &rsquo;em, the men had tried
+everything possible to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, they had turned
+deaf ears to their complaints, wouldn&rsquo;t hear one word they said, they had
+tried drivin&rsquo; and draggin&rsquo; and insults of all kinds, and
+breakin&rsquo; their bones, and imprisonment, and stuffin&rsquo; &rsquo;em with
+rubber tubes, thrust through their nose down into their throats. And he
+couldn&rsquo;t think of a thing more that could be done by men, and keep the
+position men always had held as wimmen&rsquo;s gardeens and protectors, and he
+said he thought men might jest as well keep still and let &rsquo;em go on and
+bring the world to ruin, for that was what they wuz bound to do, and they
+couldn&rsquo;t be stopped unless they wuz killed off.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Phileman Huffstater is a old bachelder, and hates wimmen. He had been on a
+drunk and looked dretful, tobacco juice runnin&rsquo; down his face, his red
+hair all towsled up, and his clothes stiff with dirt. He wuzn&rsquo;t invited,
+but had come of his own accord. He had to hang onto the seat in front of him as
+he riz up and said: &ldquo;He believed that wuz the best and only way out
+on&rsquo;t, for men to rise up and kill off the weaker sect, for their
+wuzn&rsquo;t never no trouble of any name or nater, but what wimmen wuz to the
+bottom on&rsquo;t, and the world would be better off without &rsquo;em.&rdquo;
+But Philander scorfed at him and reminded him that such hullsale doin&rsquo;s
+would put an end to the world&rsquo;s bein&rsquo; populated at all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But Phileman said in a hicuppin&rsquo;, maudlin way that &ldquo;the world had
+better stop, if there had got to be such doin&rsquo;s, wimmen risin&rsquo; up
+on every side, and pretendin&rsquo; to be equal with men.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here his knee jints kinder gin out under him, and he slid down onto the seat
+and went to sleep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I guess the members wuz kinder shamed of Phileman, for Lime Peedick jumped up
+quick as scat and said, &ldquo;It seemed the Englishmen had tried most
+everything else, and he wondered how it would work if them militant wimmen
+could be ketched and a dose of sunthin&rsquo; bitter and sickenin&rsquo; poured
+down &rsquo;em. Every time they broached that loathsome doctrine of equal
+rights, and tried to make lawmakers listen to their petitions, jest ketch
+&rsquo;em and pour down &rsquo;em a big dose of wormwood or sunthin&rsquo; else
+bitter and sickenin&rsquo;, and he guessed they would git tired
+on&rsquo;t.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But here Josiah jumped up quick and said, &ldquo;he objected,&rdquo; he said,
+&ldquo;that would endanger the right wimmen always had, and ort to have of
+cookin&rsquo; good vittles for men and doin&rsquo; their housework, and
+bearin&rsquo; and bringin&rsquo; up their children, and makin&rsquo; and
+mendin&rsquo; and waitin&rsquo; on &rsquo;em. He said nothin&rsquo; short of a
+Gatlin gun could keep Samantha from speakin&rsquo; her mind about such things,
+and he wuzn&rsquo;t willin&rsquo; to have her made sick to the stomach, and
+incapacitated from cookin&rsquo; by any such proceedin&rsquo;s.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The members argued quite awhile on this pint, but finally come round to
+Josiah&rsquo;s idees, and the meetin&rsquo; for a few minutes seemed to come to
+a standstill, till old Cornelius Snyder got up slowly and feebly. He has
+spazzums and can&rsquo;t hardly wobble. His wife has to support him, wash and
+dress him, and take care on him like a baby. But he has the use of his tongue,
+and he got some man to bring him there, and he leaned heavy on his cane, and
+kinder stiddied himself on it and offered this suggestion:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;How would it do to tie females up when they got to thinkin&rsquo; they
+wuz equal to men, halter &rsquo;em, rope &rsquo;em, and let &rsquo;em see if
+they wuz?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But this idee wuz objected to for the same reason Josiah had advanced, as
+Philander well said, &ldquo;wimmen had got to go foot loose in order to do the
+housework and cookin&rsquo;.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Uncle Sime Bentley, who wuz awful indignant, said, &ldquo;I motion that men
+shall take away all the rights that wimmen have now, turn &rsquo;em out of the
+meetin&rsquo; house, and grange.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But before he&rsquo;d hardly got the words out of his mouth, seven of the
+members riz up and as many as five spoke out to once with different
+exclamations:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;That won&rsquo;t do! we can&rsquo;t do that! Who&rsquo;ll do all the
+work! Who&rsquo;ll git up grange banquets and rummage sales, and paper and
+paint and put down carpets in the meetin&rsquo; house, and git up socials and
+entertainments to help pay the minister&rsquo;s salary, and carry on the Sunday
+School? and tend to its picnics and suppers, and take care of the children? We
+can&rsquo;t do this, much as we&rsquo;d love to.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One horsey, sporty member, also under the influence of liquor, riz up, and made
+a feeble motion, &ldquo;Spozin&rsquo; we give wimmen liberty enough to work,
+leave &rsquo;em hand and foot loose, and sort o&rsquo; muzzle &rsquo;em so they
+can&rsquo;t talk.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This seemed to be very favorably received, &rsquo;specially by the married
+members, and the secretary wuz jest about to record it in the moments as a
+scheme worth tryin&rsquo;, when old Doctor Nugent got up, and sez in a firm,
+decided way:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Wimmen cannot be kept from talking without endangerin&rsquo; her life;
+as a medical expert I object to this motion.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;How would you put the objection?&rdquo; sez the secretary.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;On the ground of cruelty to animals,&rdquo; sez the doctor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A fat Englishman who had took the widder Shelmadine&rsquo;s farm on shares,
+says, &ldquo;I &rsquo;old with Brother Josiah Hallen&rsquo;s hargument. As the
+father of nine young children and thirty cows to milk with my wife&rsquo;s
+&rsquo;elp, I &rsquo;old she musn&rsquo;t be kep&rsquo; from work, but
+h&rsquo;I propose if we can&rsquo;t do anything else that a card of sympathy be
+sent to hold Hengland from the Creation Searchin&rsquo; Society of America,
+tellin&rsquo; &rsquo;em &rsquo;ow our &rsquo;earts bleeds for the men&rsquo;s
+sufferin&rsquo; and &rsquo;ardships in &rsquo;avin&rsquo; to leave their
+hoccupations to beat and &rsquo;aul round and drive females to jails, and feed
+&rsquo;em with rubber hose through their noses to keep &rsquo;em from
+starvin&rsquo; to death for what they call their principles.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This motion wuz carried unanimously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But here an old man, who had jest dropped in and who wuz kinder deef and
+slow-witted, asked, &ldquo;What it is about anyway? what do the wimmen ask for
+when they are pounded and jailed and starved?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hank Yerden, whose wife is a Suffragist, and who is mistrusted to have a
+leanin&rsquo; that way himself, answered him, &ldquo;Oh, they wanted the
+lawmakers to read their petitions asking for the rights of ordinary citizens.
+They said as long as their property wuz taxed they had the right of
+representation. And as long as the law punished wimmen equally with men, they
+had a right to help make that law, and as long as men claimed wimmen&rsquo;s
+place wuz home, they wanted the right to guard that home. And as long as they
+brought children into the world they wanted the right to protect &rsquo;em. And
+when the lawmakers wouldn&rsquo;t hear a word they said, and beat &rsquo;em and
+drove &rsquo;em round and jailed &rsquo;em, they got mad as hens, and are
+actin&rsquo; like furiation and wild cats. But claim that civil rights wuz
+never give to any class without warfare.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Heavens! what doin&rsquo;s!&rdquo; sez old Zephaniah Beezum, &ldquo;what
+is the world comin&rsquo; to!&rdquo; &ldquo;Angle worms will be risin&rsquo; up
+next and demandin&rsquo; to not be trod on.&rdquo; Sez he, &ldquo;I have
+studied the subject on every side, and I claim the best way to deal with them
+militant females is to banish &rsquo;em to some barren wilderness, some foreign
+desert where they can meditate on their crimes, and not bother men.&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This idee wuz received favorably by most of the members, but others differed
+and showed the weak p&rsquo;ints in it, and it wuz gin up.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Well, at ten P.M., the Creation Searchers gin up after arguin&rsquo; pro and
+con, con and pro, that they could not see any way out of the matter, they could
+not tell what to do with the wimmen without danger and trouble to the male
+sect.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They looked dretful dejected and onhappy as they come to this conclusion, my
+pardner looked as if he wuz most ready to bust out cryin&rsquo;. And as I
+looked on his beloved linement I forgot everything else and onbeknown to me I
+leaned over the railin&rsquo; and sez:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+&ldquo;Here is sunthin&rsquo; that no one has seemed to think on at home or
+abroad. How would it work to stop the trouble by givin&rsquo; the wimmen the
+rights they ask for, the rights of any other citizen?&rdquo;
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don&rsquo;t spoze there will ever be such another commotion and upheaval in
+Jonesville till Michael blows his last trump as follered my speech.
+Knowin&rsquo; wimmen wuz kep&rsquo; from the meetin&rsquo;, some on &rsquo;em
+thought it wuz a voice from another spear. Them wuz the skairt and horrow
+struck ones, and them that thought it wuz a earthly woman&rsquo;s voice wuz so
+mad that they wuz by the side of themselves and carried on fearful. But when
+they searched the gallery for wimmen or ghosts, nothin&rsquo; wuz found, for
+Philander&rsquo;s wife and I had scooted acrost lots and wuz to home
+a-knittin&rsquo; before the men got there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I d&rsquo;no as anybody but Philander to this day knows what, or who it
+wuz.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I d&rsquo;no as my idee will be follered, but I believe it is the best way
+out on&rsquo;t for men and wimmen both, and would stop the mad doin&rsquo;s of
+the English Suffragettes, which I don&rsquo;t approve of, no indeed! much as I
+sympathize with the justice of their cause.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div style='display:block;margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA ON THE WOMAN QUESTION ***</div>
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diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
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+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
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diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
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+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #7833 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/7833)
diff --git a/old/7833.txt b/old/7833.txt
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+Project Gutenberg's Samantha on the Woman Question, by Marietta Holley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
+other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
+the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org.  If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
+to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
+
+Title: Samantha on the Woman Question
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Posting Date: February 12, 2015 [EBook #7833]
+Release Date: April, 2005
+First Posted: May 20, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA ON THE WOMAN QUESTION ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Eric Eldred, William Flis and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can
+blame Serepta for wantin' her rights."]
+
+
+                      SAMANTHA ON THE
+
+                      WOMAN QUESTION
+
+                            BY
+
+                      MARIETTA HOLLEY
+
+                   "Josiah Allen's Wife"
+
+                        Author of
+
+       "Samantha at Saratoga," "My Opinions" and
+                 "Betsey Bobbet's," etc.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+   I. "SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"
+
+  II. "THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"
+
+ III. "POLLY'S EYES GROWED TENDER"
+
+  IV. "STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"
+
+   V. "HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"
+
+  VI. "CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"
+
+ VII. "NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"
+
+VIII. "OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"
+
+  IX. THE WOMEN'S PARADE
+
+   X. "THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"AND I WONDER IF THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE LAND THAT CAN BLAME SEREPTA FOR
+WANTIN' HER RIGHTS" (p. 29). Frontispiece
+
+"I WANTED TO VISIT THE CAPITOL OF OUR COUNTRY.... SO WE LAID OUT TO GO"
+
+"HE'D ENTERED POLITICAL LIFE WHERE THE BIBLE WUZN'T POPULAR; HE'D NEVER
+READ FURTHER THAN GULLIVER'S EPISTLE TO THE LILIPUTIANS"
+
+"SEZ JOSIAH, 'DOES THAT THING KNOW ENOUGH TO VOTE?'"
+
+
+
+
+I
+
+"SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"
+
+
+Lorinda Cagwin invited Josiah and me to a reunion of the Allen family at
+her home nigh Washington, D.C., the birthplace of the first Allen we knowed
+anything about, and Josiah said:
+
+"Bein' one of the best lookin' and influential Allens on earth now, it
+would be expected on him to attend to it."
+
+And I fell in with the idee, partly to be done as I would be done by if
+it wuz the relation on my side, and partly because by goin' I could hit
+two birds with one stun, as the poet sez. Indeed, I could hit four on 'em.
+
+My own cousin, Diantha Trimble, lived in a city nigh Lorinda's and I had
+promised to visit her if I wuz ever nigh her, and help bear her burdens for
+a spell, of which burden more anon and bom-by.
+
+Diantha wuz one bird, the Reunion another, and the third bird I had in my
+mind's eye wuz the big outdoor meeting of the suffragists that wuz to be
+held in the city where Diantha lived, only a little ways from Lorinda's.
+
+And the fourth bird and the biggest one I wuz aimin' to hit from this tower
+of ourn wuz Washington, D.C. I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country,
+the center of our great civilization that stands like the sun in the solar
+system, sendin' out beams of power and wisdom and law and order, and
+justice and injustice, and money and oratory, and talk and talk, and wind
+and everything, to the uttermost points of our vast possessions, and from
+them clear to the ends of the earth. I wanted to see it, I wanted to like a
+dog. So we laid out to go.
+
+[Illustration: "I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country.... So we
+laid out to go."]
+
+Lorinda lived on the old Allen place, and I always sot store by her, and
+her girl, Polly, wuz, as Thomas J. said, a peach. She had spent one of her
+college vacations with us, and a sweeter, prettier, brighter girl I don't
+want to see. Her name is Pauline, but everybody calls her Polly.
+
+The Cagwins are rich, and Polly had every advantage money could give,
+and old Mom Nater gin her a lot of advantages money couldn't buy, beauty
+and intellect, a big generous heart and charm. And you know the Cagwins
+couldn't bought that at no price. Charm in a girl is like the perfume in a
+rose, and can't be bought or sold. And you can't handle or describe either
+on 'em exactly. But what a influence they have; how they lay holt of your
+heart and fancy.
+
+Royal Gray, the young man who wuz payin' attention to her, stopped once
+for a day or two in Jonesville with Polly and her Ma on their way to the
+Cagwins' camp in the Adirondacks. And we all liked him so well that we
+agreed in givin' him this extraordinary praise, we said he wuz worthy of
+Polly, we knowed of course that wuz the highest enconium possible for us to
+give.
+
+Good lookin', smart as a whip, and deep, you could see that by lookin' into
+his eyes, half laughin' and half serious eyes and kinder sad lookin' too
+under the fun, as eyes must be in this world of ourn if they look back fur,
+or ahead much of any. A queer world this is, and kinder sad and mysterious,
+behind all the good and glory on't.
+
+He wuz jest out of Harvard school and as full of life and sperits as a
+colt let loose in a clover field. He went out in the hay field, he and
+Polly, and rode home on top of a load of hay jest as nateral and easy and
+bare-headed as if he wuz workin' for wages, and he the only son of a
+millionaire--we all took to him.
+
+Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin' to visit Washington, D.C., all
+the neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey wanted a
+dozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry.
+
+Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him a
+paper of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new kind
+of string beans and some cowcumber seeds.
+
+Uncle Jarvis Bentley, who wuz goin' to paint his house, wanted me to ask
+the President what kind of paint he used on the White House. He thought it
+ort to be a extra kind to stand the sharp glare that wuz beatin' down on it
+constant, and to ask him if he didn't think the paint would last longer and
+the glare be mollified some if they used pure white and clear ile in it,
+and left off whitewash and karseen.
+
+Ardelia Rumsey, who is goin' to be married, wanted me, if I see any new
+kinds of bedquilt patterns at the White House or the Senator's housen, to
+git patterns for 'em. She said she wuz sick of sun flowers and blazin'
+stars. She thought mebby they'd have sunthin' new, spread eagle style. She
+said her feller wuz goin' to be connected with the Govermunt and she
+thought it would be appropriate.
+
+And I asked her how. And she said he wuz goin' to git a patent on a new
+kind of jack knife.
+
+I told her that if she wanted a govermunt quilt and wanted it appropriate
+she ort to have a crazy quilt.
+
+And she said she had jest finished a crazy quilt with seven thousand
+pieces of silk in it, and each piece trimmed with seven hundred stitches
+of feather stitchin'--she'd counted 'em. And then I remembered seein' it.
+There wuz a petition fer wimmen's rights and I remember Ardelia couldn't
+sign it for lack of time. She wanted to, but she hadn't got the quilt more
+than half done. It took the biggest heft of two years to do it. And so less
+important things had to be put aside.
+
+And Ardelia's mother wanted to sign it, but she couldn't owin' to a
+bed-spread she wuz makin'. She wuz quiltin' in Noah's Ark and all the
+animals on a Turkey red quilt. I remember she wuz quiltin' the camel that
+day and couldn't be disturbed, so we didn't git the names. It took the old
+lady three years, and when it wuz done it wuz a sight to behold, though I
+wouldn't want to sleep under so many animals. But folks went from fur and
+near to see it, and I enjoyed lookin' at it that day.
+
+Zebulin Coon wanted me to carry a new hen coop of hisen to git patented.
+And I thought to myself I wonder if they will ask me to carry a cow.
+
+And sure enough Elnathan Purdy wanted me to dicker for a calf from Mount
+Vernon, swop one of his yearlin's for it.
+
+But the errents Serepta Pester sent wuz fur more hefty and momentous than
+all the rest put together, calves, hen coop, cow and all.
+
+And when she told 'em over to me, and I meditated on her reasons for
+sendin' 'em and her need of havin' 'em done, I felt that I would do the
+errents for her if a breath wuz left in my body. She come for a all day's
+visit; and though she is a vegetable widow and humbly, I wuz middlin' glad
+to see her. But thinkses I as I carried her things into my bedroom, "She'll
+want to send some errent by me"; and I wondered what it would be.
+
+And so it didn't surprise me when she asked me if I would lobby a little
+for her in Washington. I spozed it wuz some new kind of tattin' or fancy
+work. I told her I shouldn't have much time but would try to git her some
+if I could.
+
+And she said she wanted me to lobby myself. And then I thought mebby it wuz
+a new kind of dance and told her, "I wuz too old to lobby, I hadn't lobbied
+a step since I wuz married."
+
+And then she explained she wanted me to canvas some of the Senators.
+
+And I hung back and asked her in a cautious tone, "How many she wanted
+canvassed, and how much canvas it would take?"
+
+I had a good many things to buy for my tower, and though I wanted to
+obleege Serepta, I didn't feel like runnin' into any great expense for
+canvas.
+
+And then she broke off from that subject, and said she wanted her rights
+and wanted the Whiskey Ring broke up.
+
+And she talked a sight about her children, and how bad she felt to be
+parted from 'em, and how she used to worship her husband and how her
+hull life wuz ruined and the Whiskey Ring had done it, that and wimmen's
+helpless condition under the law and she cried and wep' and I did. And
+right while I wuz cryin' onto that gingham apron, she made me promise to
+carry them two errents of hern to the President and git 'em done for her if
+I possibly could.
+
+She wanted the Whiskey Ring destroyed and her rights, and she wanted 'em
+both inside of two weeks.
+
+I told her I didn't believe she could git 'em done inside that length of
+time, but I would tell the President about it, and I thought more'n likely
+as not he would want to do right by her. "And," sez I, "if he sets out to,
+he can haul them babies of yourn out of that Ring pretty sudden."
+
+And then to git her mind offen her sufferin's, I asked how her sister Azuba
+wuz gittin' along? I hadn't heard from her for years. She married Phileman
+Clapsaddle, and Serepty spoke out as bitter as a bitter walnut, and sez
+she:
+
+"She's in the poor-house."
+
+"Why, Serepta Pester!" sez I, "what do you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say, my sister, Azuba Clapsaddle, is in the poor-house."
+
+"Why, where is their property gone?" sez I. "They wuz well off. Azuba had
+five thousand dollars of her own when she married him."
+
+"I know it," sez she, "and I can tell you, Josiah Alien's wife, where their
+property has gone, it has gone down Phileman Clapsaddle's throat. Look down
+that man's throat and you will see 150 acres of land, a good house and
+barn, twenty sheep and forty head of cattle."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I.
+
+"Yes, and you'll see four mules, a span of horses, two buggies, a double
+sleigh, and three buffalo robes. He's drinked 'em all up, and two horse
+rakes, a cultivator, and a thrashin' machine."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I agin. "And where are the children?"
+
+"The boys have inherited their father's habits and drink as bad as he duz
+and the oldest girl has gone to the bad."
+
+"Oh dear! oh dear me!" sez I, and we both sot silent for a spell. And then
+thinkin' I must say sunthin' and wantin' to strike a safe subject and a
+good lookin' one, I sez:
+
+"Where is your Aunt Cassandra's girl? That pretty girl I see to your house
+once?"
+
+"That girl is in the lunatick asylum."
+
+"Serepta Pester," sez I, "be you tellin' the truth?"
+
+"Yes, I be, the livin' truth. She went to New York to buy millinery goods
+for her mother's store. It wuz quite cool when she left home and she hadn't
+took off her winter clothes, and it come on brilin' hot in the city, and in
+goin' about from store to store the heat and hard work overcome her and she
+fell down in a sort of faintin' fit and wuz called drunk and dragged off to
+a police court by a man who wuz a animal in human shape. And he misused her
+in such a way that she never got over the horror of what befell her when
+she come to to find herself at the mercy of a brute in a man's shape. She
+went into a melancholy madness and wuz sent to the asylum."
+
+I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a spell.
+But thinkin' I must be sociable I sez:
+
+"Your aunt Cassandra is well, I spoze?"
+
+"She is moulderin' in jail," sez she.
+
+"In jail? Cassandra in jail!"
+
+"Yes, in jail." And Serepta's tone wuz now like worm-wood and gall.
+
+"You know she owns a big property in tenement houses and other buildings
+where she lives. Of course her taxes wuz awful high, and she didn't expect
+to have any voice in tellin' how that money, a part of her own property
+that she earned herself in a store, should be used. But she had been
+taxed high for new sidewalks in front of some of her buildin's. And then
+another man come into power in that ward, and he naterally wanted to make
+some money out of her, so he ordered her to build new sidewalks. And she
+wouldn't tear up a good sidewalk to please him or anybody else, so she wuz
+put to jail for refusin' to comply with the law."
+
+Thinkses I, I don't believe the law would have been so hard on her if she
+hadn't been so humbly. The Pesters are a humbly lot. But I didn't think it
+out loud, and didn't ophold the law for feelin' so. I sez in pityin' tones,
+for I wuz truly sorry for Cassandra Keeler:
+
+"How did it end?"
+
+"It hain't ended," sez she, "it only took place a month ago and she has got
+her grit up and won't pay; and no knowin' how it will end; she lays there
+amoulderin'."
+
+I don't believe Cassanda wuz mouldy, but that is Serepta's way of talkin',
+very flowery.
+
+"Well," sez I, "do you think the weather is goin' to moderate?"
+
+I truly felt that I dassent speak to her about any human bein' under the
+sun, not knowin' what turn she would give to the talk, bein' so embittered.
+But I felt that the weather wuz safe, and cotton stockin's, and hens, and
+factory cloth, and I kep' her down on them for more'n two hours.
+
+But good land! I can't blame her for bein' embittered agin men and the laws
+they've made, for it seems as if I never see a human creeter so afflicted
+as Serepta Pester has been all her life.
+
+Why, her sufferin's date back before she wuz born, and that's goin' pretty
+fur back. Her father and mother had some difficulty and he wuz took down
+with billerous colick, voylent four weeks before Serepta wuz born. And some
+think it wuz the hardness between 'em and some think it wuz the gripin' of
+the colick when he made his will, anyway he willed Serepta away, boy or
+girl whichever it wuz, to his brother up on the Canada line.
+
+So when Serepta wuz born (and born a girl ontirely onbeknown to her) she
+wuz took right away from her mother and gin to this brother. Her mother
+couldn't help herself, he had the law on his side. But it killed her.
+She drooped away and died before the baby wuz a year old. She wuz a
+affectionate, tenderhearted woman and her husband wuz overbearin' and
+stern always.
+
+But it wuz this last move of hisen that killed her, for it is pretty tough
+on a mother to have her baby, a part of her own life, took right out of
+her own arms and gin to a stranger. For this uncle of hern wuz a entire
+stranger to Serepta, and almost like a stranger to her father, for he
+hadn't seen him since he wuz a boy, but knew he hadn't any children and
+spozed that he wuz rich and respectable. But the truth wuz he had been
+runnin' down every way, had lost his property and his character, wuz
+dissipated and mean. But the will wuz made and the law stood. Men are
+ashamed now to think that the law wuz ever in voge, but it wuz, and is now
+in some of the states, and the poor young mother couldn't help herself. It
+has always been the boast of our American law that it takes care of wimmen.
+It took care of her. It held her in its strong protectin' grasp so tight
+that the only way she could slip out of it wuz to drop into the grave,
+which she did in a few months. Then it leggo.
+
+But it kep' holt of Serepta, it bound her tight to her uncle while he run
+through with what property she had, while he sunk lower and lower until at
+last he needed the very necessaries of life and then he bound her out to
+work to a woman who kep' a drinkin' den and the lowest hant of vice.
+
+Twice Serepta run away, bein' virtuous but humbly, but them strong
+protectin' arms of the law that had held her mother so tight reached out
+and dragged her back agin. Upheld by them her uncle could compel her to
+give her service wherever he wanted her to work, and he wuz owin' this
+woman and she wanted Serepta's work, so she had to submit.
+
+But the third time she made a effort so voyalent that she got away. A
+good woman, who bein' nothin' but a woman couldn't do anything towards
+onclinchin' them powerful arms that wuz protectin' her, helped her to slip
+through 'em. And Serepta come to Jonesville to live with a sister of that
+good woman; changed her name so's it wouldn't be so easy to find her; grew
+up to be a nice industrious girl. And when the woman she wuz took by died
+she left Serepta quite a handsome property.
+
+And finally she married Lank Burpee, and did considerable well it wuz
+spozed. Her property, put with what little he had, made 'em a comfortable
+home and they had two pretty children, a boy and a girl. But when the
+little girl wuz a baby he took to drinkin', neglected his bizness, got
+mixed up with a whiskey ring, whipped Serepta--not so very hard. He went
+accordin' to law, and the law of the United States don't approve of a man's
+whippin' his wife enough to endanger her life, it sez it don't. He made
+every move of hisen lawful and felt that Serepta hadn't ort to complain
+and feel hurt. But a good whippin' will make anybody feel hurt, law or no
+law. And then he parted with her and got her property and her two little
+children. Why, it seemed as if everything under the sun and moon, that
+could happen to a woman, had happened to Serepta, painful things and
+gauldin'.
+
+Jest before Lank parted with her, she fell on a broken sidewalk: some
+think he tripped her up, but it never wuz proved. But anyway Serepta fell
+and broke her hip hone; and her husband sued the corporation and got ten
+thousand dollars for it. Of course the law give the money to him and she
+never got a cent of it. But she wouldn't have made any fuss over that,
+knowin' that the law of the United States wuz such. But what made it so
+awful mortifyin' to her wuz, that while she wuz layin' there achin' in
+splints, he took that very money and used it to court up another woman
+with. Gin her presents, jewelry, bunnets, head-dresses, artificial flowers
+out of Serepta's own hip money.
+
+And I don't know as anything could be much more gauldin' to a woman than
+that--while she lay there groanin' in splints, to have her husband take the
+money for her own broken bones and dress up another woman like a doll with
+it.
+
+But the law gin it to him, and he wuz only availin' himself of the glorious
+liberty of our free Republic, and doin' as he wuz a mind to. And it wuz
+spozed that that very hip money wuz what made the match. For before she wuz
+fairly out of splints he got a divorce from her and married agin. And by
+the help of Serepta's hip money and the Whiskey Ring he got her two little
+children away from her.
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+"THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"
+
+
+And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta for
+gittin' mad and wantin' her rights and wantin' the Whiskey Ring broke up,
+when they think how she's been fooled round with by men; willed away, and
+whipped, and parted with, and stole from. Why, they can't blame her for
+feelin' fairly savage about 'em, as she duz.
+
+For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin' it over, how everything had
+happened to her. "Yes," sez she, with a axent like bone-set and vinegar,
+"and what few things hain't happened to me has happened to my folks."
+
+And sure enough I couldn't dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and sufferin's
+seemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen. Why, one of her aunts
+on her father's side, Huldah Pester, married for her first husband,
+Eliphelet Perkins. He wuz a minister, rode on a circuit, and he took Huldah
+on it too, and she rode round with him on it a good deal of the time. But
+she never loved to, she wuz a woman that loved to be still, and kinder
+settled down at home.
+
+But she loved Eliphelet so well that she would do anything to please him,
+so she rode round with him on that circuit till she wuz perfectly fagged
+out.
+
+He wuz a dretful good man to her, but he wuz kinder poor and they had hard
+times to git along. But what property they had wuzn't taxed, so that helped
+some, and Huldah would make one dollar go a good ways.
+
+No, their property wuzn't taxed till Eliphelet died. Then the supervisor
+taxed it the very minute the breath left his body; run his horse, so it wuz
+said, so's to be sure to git it onto the tax list, and comply with the law.
+
+You see Eliphelet's salary stopped when his breath did. And I spoze the
+law thought, seein' she wuz havin' trouble, she might jest as well have a
+little more; so it taxed all the property it never had taxed a cent for
+before.
+
+But she had this to console her that the law didn't forgit her in her
+widowhood. No; the law is quite thoughtful of wimmen by spells. It sez it
+protects wimmen. And I spoze that in some mysterious way, too deep for
+wimmen to understand, it wuz protectin' her now.
+
+Well, she suffered along and finally married agin. I wondered why she did.
+But she wuz such a quiet, home-lovin' woman that it wuz spozed she wanted
+to settle down and be kinder still and sot. But of all the bad luck she
+had. She married on short acquaintance, and he proved to be a perfect
+wanderer. He couldn't keep still, it wuz spozed to be a mark.
+
+He moved Huldah thirteen times in two years, and at last he took her into
+a cart, a sort of covered wagon, and traveled right through the western
+states with her. He wanted to see the country and loved to live in the
+wagon, it wuz his make. And, of course, the law give him control of her
+body, and she had to go where he moved it, or else part with him. And
+I spoze the law thought it wuz guardin' and nourishin' her when it wuz
+joltin' her over them prairies and mountains and abysses. But it jest kep'
+her shook up the hull of the time.
+
+It wuz the regular Pester luck.
+
+And then another of her aunts, Drusilly Pester, married a industrious,
+hard-workin' man, one that never drinked, wuz sound on the doctrines, and
+give good measure to his customers, he wuz a groceryman. And a master hand
+for wantin' to foller the laws of his country as tight as laws could be
+follered. And so knowin' that the law approved of moderate correction for
+wimmen, and that "a man might whip his wife, but not enough to endanger her
+life"; he bein' such a master hand for wantin' to do everything faithful
+and do his very best for his customers, it wuz spozed he wanted to do the
+best for the law, and so when he got to whippin' Drusilly, he would whip
+her too severe, he would be too faithful to it.
+
+You see what made him whip her at all wuz she wuz cross to him. They had
+nine little children, she thought two or three children would be about all
+one woman could bring up well by hand, when that hand wuz so stiff and sore
+with hard work.
+
+But he had read some scareful talk from high quarters about Race Suicide.
+Some men do git real wrought up about it and want everybody to have all the
+children they can, jest as fast as they can, though wimmen don't all feel
+so.
+
+Aunt Hetty Sidman said, "If men had to born 'em and nuss 'em themselves,
+she didn't spoze they would be so enthusiastick about it after they had
+had a few, 'specially if they done their own housework themselves," and
+Aunt Hetty said that some of the men who wuz exhortin' wimmen to have big
+families, had better spend some of their strength and wind in tryin' to
+make this world a safer place for children to be born into.
+
+She said they'd be better off in Nonentity than here in this world with
+saloons on every corner, and war-dogs howlin' at 'em.
+
+I don't know exactly what she meant by Nonentity, but guess she meant the
+world we all stay in, before we are born into this one.
+
+Aunt Hetty has lost five boys, two by battle and three by licensed saloons,
+that makes her talk real bitter, but to resoom. I told Josiah that men
+needn't worry about Race Suicide, for you might as well try to stop a hen
+from makin' a nest, as to stop wimmen from wantin' a baby to love and hold
+on her heart. But sez I, "Folks ort to be moderate and mejum in babies as
+well as in everything else."
+
+But Drusilly's husband wanted twelve boys he said, to be law-abidin'
+citizens as their Pa wuz, and a protection to the Govermunt, and to be
+ready to man the new warships, if a war broke out. But her babies wuz
+real pretty and cunning, and she wuz so weak-minded she couldn't enjoy
+the thought that if our male statesmen got to scrappin' with some other
+nation's male law-makers and made another war, of havin' her grown-up
+babies face the cannons. I spoze it wuz when she wuz so awful tired she
+felt so.
+
+You see she had to do every mite of her housework, and milk cows, and make
+butter and cheese, and cook and wash and scour, and take all the care of
+the children day and night in sickness and health, and make their clothes
+and keep 'em clean. And when there wuz so many of 'em and she enjoyin' real
+poor health, I spoze she sometimes thought more of her own achin' back than
+she did of the good of the Govermunt--and she would git kinder discouraged
+sometimes and be cross to him. And knowin' his own motives wuz so high and
+loyal, he felt that he ort to whip her, so he did.
+
+And what shows that Drusilly wuzn't so bad after all and did have her good
+streaks and a deep reverence for the law is, that she stood his whippin's
+first-rate, and never whipped him. Now she wuz fur bigger than he wuz,
+weighed eighty pounds the most, and might have whipped him if the law had
+been such. But they wuz both law-abidin' and wanted to keep every preamble,
+so she stood it to be whipped, and never once whipped him in all the
+seventeen years they lived together. She died when her twelfth child wuz
+born. There wuz jest ten months difference between that and the one next
+older. And they said she often spoke out in her last sickness, and said,
+"Thank fortune, I've always kep' the law!" And they said the same thought
+wuz a great comfort to him in his last moments. He died about a year after
+she did, leavin' his second wife with twins and a good property.
+
+Then there wuz Abagail Pester. She married a sort of a high-headed man,
+though one that paid his debts, wuz truthful, good lookin', and played well
+on the fiddle. Why, it seemed as if he had almost every qualification for
+makin' a woman happy, only he had this one little eccentricity, he would
+lock up Abagail's clothes every time he got mad at her.
+
+Of course the law give her clothes to him, and knowin' that it wuz the
+law in the state where they lived, she wouldn't have complained only when
+they had company. But it wuz mortifyin', nobody could dispute it, to have
+company come and have nothin' to put on. Several times she had to withdraw
+into the woodhouse, and stay most all day there shiverin', and under the
+suller stairs and round in clothes presses. But he boasted in prayer
+meetin's and on boxes before grocery stores that he wuz a law-abidin'
+citizen, and he wuz. Eben Flanders wouldn't lie for anybody.
+
+But I'll bet Abagail Flanders beat our old revolutionary four-mothers in
+thinkin' out new laws, when she lay round under stairs and behind barrels
+in her night-gown. When a man hides his wife's stockin's and petticoats
+it is governin' without the consent of the governed. If you don't believe
+it you'd ort to peeked round them barrels and seen Abagail's eyes, they
+had hull reams of by-laws in 'em and preambles, and Declarations of
+Independence, so I've been told. But it beat everything I ever hearn on,
+the lawful sufferin's of them wimmen. For there wuzn't nothin' illegal
+about one single trouble of theirn. They suffered accordin' to law, every
+one on 'em. But it wuz tuff for 'em, very tuff. And their bein' so dretful
+humbly wuz another drawback to 'em, though that too wuz perfectly lawful,
+as everybody knows.
+
+And Serepta looked as bad agin as she would otherwise on account of her
+teeth. It wuz after Lank had begun to git after this other woman, and wuz
+indifferent to his wife's looks that Serepta had a new set of teeth on her
+upper jaw. And they sot out and made her look so bad it fairly made her
+ache to look at herself in the glass. And they hurt her gooms too, and she
+carried 'em back to the dentist and wanted him to make her another set, but
+he acted mean and wouldn't take 'em back, and sued Lank for the pay. And
+they had a law-suit. And the law bein' such that a woman can't testify in
+court, in any matter that is of mutual interest to husband and wife, and
+Lank wantin' to act mean, said that they wuz good sound teeth.
+
+And there Serepta sot right in front of 'em with her gooms achin' and her
+face all swelled out, and lookin' like furiation, and couldn't say a word.
+But she had to give in to the law. And ruther than go toothless she wears
+'em to this day, and I believe it is the raspin' of them teeth aginst her
+gooms and her discouraged, mad feelin's every time she looks in the glass
+that helps embitter her towards men, and the laws men have made, so's a
+woman can't have control of her own teeth and her own bones.
+
+Serepta went home about 5 P.M., I promisin' sacred to do her errents for
+her.
+
+And I gin a deep, happy sithe after I shot the door behind her, and I sez
+to Josiah I do hope that's the very last errent we will have to carry to
+Washington, D.C., for the Jonesvillians.
+
+"Yes," says he, "an' I guess I will get a fresh pail of water and hang on
+the tea kettle for you."
+
+"And," I says, "it's pretty early for supper, but I'll start it, for I do
+feel kinder gone to the stomach. Sympathy is real exhaustin'. Sometimes I
+think it tires me more'n hard work. And Heaven knows I sympathized with
+Serepta. I felt for her full as much as if she was one of the relations on
+_his_ side."
+
+But if you'll believe it, I had hardly got the words out of my mouth and
+Josiah had jest laid holt of the water pail, when in comes Philander
+Dagget, the President of the Jonesville Creation Searchin' Society and, of
+course, he had a job for us to do on our tower. This Society was started
+by the leadin' men of Jonesville, for the purpose of searchin' out and
+criticizin' the affairs of the world, an' so far as possible advisin' and
+correctin' the meanderin's an' wrong-doin's of the universe.
+
+This Society, which we call the C.S.S. for short, has been ruther quiet for
+years. But sence woman's suffrage has got to be such a prominent question,
+they bein' so bitterly opposed to it, have reorganized and meet every once
+in a while, to sneer at the suffragettes and poke fun at 'em and show in
+every way they can their hitter antipathy to the cause.
+
+Philander told me if I see anything new and strikin' in the way of Society
+badges and regalia, to let him know about it, for he said the C.S.S. was
+goin' to take a decided stand and show their colors. They wuz goin' to
+help protect his women endangered sect, an' he wanted sunthin' showy and
+suggestive.
+
+I thought of a number of badges and mottoes that I felt would be suitable
+for this Society, but dassent tell 'em to him, for his idees and mine on
+this subject are as fur apart as the two poles. He talked awful bitter to
+me once about it, and I sez to him:
+
+"Philander, the world is full of good men, and there are also bad men in
+the world, and, sez I, did you ever in your born days see a bad man that
+wuzn't opposed to Woman's Suffrage? All the men who trade in, and profit
+by, the weakness and sin of men and women, they every one of 'em, to
+a man, fight agin it. And would they do this if they didn't think that
+their vile trades would suffer if women had the right to vote? It is the
+great-hearted, generous, noble man who wants women to become a real citizen
+with himself--which she is not now--she is only a citizen just enough to be
+taxed equally with man, or more exhorbitantly, and be punished and executed
+by the law she has no hand in makin'."
+
+Philander sed, "I have always found it don't pay to talk with women on
+matters they don't understand."
+
+An' he got up and started for the door, an' Josiah sed, "No, it don't pay,
+not a cent; I've always said so."
+
+But I told Philander I'd let him know if I see anything appropriate to the
+C.S.S. Holdin' back with a almost Herculaneum effort the mottoes and
+badges that run through my mind as bein' appropriate to their society;
+knowin' it would make him so mad if I told him of 'em--he never would
+neighbor with us again. And in three days' time we sot sail. We got to
+the depo about an hour too early, but I wuz glad we wuz on time, for it
+would have worked Josiah up dretfully ef we hadn't been, for he had spent
+most of the latter part of the night in gittin' up and walkin' out to the
+clock seein' if it wuz train time. Jest before we started, who should come
+runnin' down to the depo but Sam Nugent wantin' to send a errent by me to
+Washington. He wunk me out to one side of the waitin' room, and ast "if I'd
+try to git him a license to steal horses."
+
+It kinder runs in the blood of the Nugents to love to steal, and he owned
+up it did, but he said he wanted the profit of it. But I told him I
+wouldn't do any sech thing, an' I looked at him in such a witherin' way
+that I should most probable withered him, only he is blind in one side, and
+I wuz on the blind side, but he argued with me, and said that it wuz no
+worse than to give licenses for other kinds of meanness.
+
+He said they give licenses now to steal--steal folkses senses away, and
+then they could steal everything else, and murder and tear round into every
+kind of wickedness. But he didn't ask that. He wanted things done fair and
+square: he jest wanted to steal horses. He wuz goin' West, and he thought
+he could do a good bizness, and lay up somethin'. If he had a license he
+shouldn't be afraid of bein' shet up or shot.
+
+But I refused the job with scorn; and jest as I wuz refusin', the cars
+snorted, and I wuz glad they did. They seemed to express in that wild snort
+something of the indignation I felt.
+
+The idee!
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+"POLLY'S EYES CROWED TENDER"
+
+
+Lorinda wuz dretful glad to see us and so wuz her husband and Polly. But
+the Reunion had to be put off on account of a spell her husband wuz havin'.
+Lorinda said she could not face such a big company as she'd invited while
+Hiram wuz havin' a spell, and I agreed with her.
+
+Sez I, "Never, never, would I have invited company whilst Josiah wuz
+sufferin' with one of his cricks."
+
+Men hain't patient under pain, and outsiders hain't no bizness to hear
+things they say and tell on 'em. So Polly had to write to the relations
+puttin' off the Reunion for one week. But Lorinda kep' on cookin' fruit
+cake and such that would keep, she had plenty of help, but loved to do her
+company cookin' herself. And seein' the Reunion wuz postponed and Lorinda
+had time on her hands, I proposed she should go with me to the big out-door
+meetin' of the Suffragists, which wuz held in a nigh-by city.
+
+"Good land!" sez she, "nothin' would tempt me to patronize anything so
+brazen and onwomanly as a out-door meetin' of wimmen, and so onhealthy and
+immodest." I see she looked reproachfully at Polly as she said it. Polly
+wuz arrangin' some posies in a vase, and looked as sweet as the posies did,
+but considerable firm too, and I see from Lorinda's looks that Polly wuz
+one who had to leave father and mother for principle's sake.
+
+But I sez, "You're cookin' this minute, Lorinda, for a out-door meetin'"
+(she wuz makin' angel cake). "And why is this meetin' any more onwomanly or
+immodest than the camp-meetin' where you wuz converted, and baptized the
+next Sunday in the creek?"
+
+"Oh, them wuz religious meetin's," sez she.
+
+"Well," sez I, "mebby these wimmen think their meetin' is religious. You
+know the Bible sez, 'Faith and works should go together,' and some of the
+leaders of this movement have showed by their works as religious a sperit
+and wielded aginst injustice to young workin' wimmen as powerful a weepon
+as that axe of the 'Postles the Bible tells about. And you said you went
+every day to the Hudson-Fulton doin's and hearn every out-door lecture; you
+writ me that there wuz probable a million wimmen attendin' them out-door
+meetin's, and that wuz curosity and pleasure huntin' that took them, and
+this is a meetin' of justice and right."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Lorinda agin, with her eye on Polly. "Wimmen have all the
+rights they want or need." Lorinda's husband bein' rich and lettin' her
+have her way she is real foot loose, and don't feel the need of any more
+rights for herself, but I told her then and there some of the wrongs and
+sufferin's of Serepta Pester, and bein' good-hearted (but obstinate and
+bigoted) she gin in that the errents wuz hefty, and that Serepta wuz to be
+pitied, but she insisted that wimmen's votin' wouldn't help matters.
+
+But Euphrasia Pottle, a poor relation from Troy, spoke up. "After my
+husband died one of my girls went into a factory and gits about half what
+the men git for the same work, and my oldest girl who teaches in the
+public school don't git half as much for the same work as men do, and her
+school rooms are dark, stuffy, onhealthy, and crowded so the children are
+half-choked for air, and the light so poor they're havin' their eyesight
+spilte for life, and new school books not needed at all, are demanded
+constantly, so some-one can make money."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "do you spoze, Lorinda, if intelligent mothers helped control
+such things they would let their children be made sick and blind and the
+money that should be used for food for poor hungry children be squandered
+on _on_-necessary books they are too faint with hunger to study."
+
+"But wimmen's votin' wouldn't help in such things," sez Lorinda, as she
+stirred her angel cake vigorously.
+
+But Euphrasia sez, "My niece, Ellen, teaches in a state where wimmen vote
+and she gits the same wages men git for the same work, and her school rooms
+are bright and pleasant and sanitary, and the pupils, of course, are well
+and happy. And if you don't think wimmen can help in such public matters
+just go to Seattle and see how quick a bad man wuz yanked out of his public
+office and a good man put in his place, mostly by wimmen's efforts and
+votes."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "it is a proved fact that wimmen's votes do help in these
+matters. And do you think, Lorinda, that if educated, motherly, thoughtful
+wimmen helped make the laws so many little children would be allowed to
+toil in factories and mines, their tender shoulders bearin' the burden of
+constant labor that wears out the iron muscles of men?"
+
+Polly's eyes growed tender and wistful, and her little white hands
+lingered over her posies, and I knowed the hard lot of the poor, the
+wrongs of wimmen and children, the woes of humanity, wuz pressin' down
+on her generous young heart. And I could see in her sweet face the brave
+determination to do and to dare, to try to help ondo the wrongs, and try to
+lift the burdens from weak and achin' shoulders. But Lorinda kep' on with
+the same old moth-eaten argument so broke down and feeble it ort to be
+allowed to die in peace.
+
+"Woman's suffrage would make women neglect their homes and housework and
+let their children run loose into ruin."
+
+I knowed she said it partly on Polly's account, but I sez in surprise,
+"Why, Lorinda, it must be you hain't read up on the subject or you would
+know wherever wimmen has voted they have looked out first of all for the
+children's welfare. They have raised the age of consent, have closed
+saloons and other places of licensed evil, and in every way it has been
+their first care to help 'em to safer and more moral surroundin's, for who
+has the interest of children more at heart than the mothers who bore them,
+children who are the light of their eyes and the hope of the future."
+
+Lorinda admitted that the state of the children in the homes of the poor
+and ignorant wuz pitiful. "But," sez she, "the Bible sez 'ye shall always
+have the poor with you,' and I spoze we always shall, with all their
+sufferin's and wants. But," sez she, "in well-to-do homes the children are
+safe and well off, and don't need any help from woman legislation."
+
+"Why, Lorinda," sez I, "did you ever think on't how such mothers may
+watch over and be the end of the law to their children with the father's
+full consent during infancy when they're wrastlin' with teethin',
+whoopin'-cough, mumps, etc., can be queen of the nursery, dispensor of
+pure air, sunshine, sanitary, and safe surroundin's in every way, and then
+in a few years see 'em go from her into dark, overcrowded, unsanitary,
+carelessly guarded places, to spend the precious hours when they are the
+most receptive to influence and pass man-made pitfalls on their way to and
+fro, must stand helpless until in too many cases the innocent healthy child
+that went from her care returns to her half-blind, a physical and moral
+wreck. The mother who went down to death's door for 'em, and had most to do
+in mouldin' their destiny during infancy should have at least equal rights
+with the father in controllin' their surroundin's during their entire
+youth, and to do this she must have equal legal power or her best efforts
+are wasted. That this is just and right is as plain to me as the nose on my
+face and folks will see it bom-bye and wonder they didn't before.
+
+"And wimmen who suffer most by the lack on't, will be most interested in
+openin' schools to teach the fine art of domestic service, teachin' young
+girls how to keep healthy comfortable homes and fit themselves to be
+capable wives and mothers. I don't say or expect that wimmen's votin' will
+make black white, or wash all the stains from the legislative body at once,
+but I say that jest the effort to git wimmen's suffrage has opened hundreds
+of bolted doors and full suffrage will open hundreds more. And I'm goin' to
+that woman's suffrage meetin' if I walk afoot."
+
+But here Josiah spoke up, I thought he wuz asleep, he wuz layin' on the
+lounge with a paper over his face. But truly the word, "Woman's Suffrage,"
+rousts him up as quick as a mouse duz a drowsy cat, so, sez he, "I can't
+let you go, Samantha, into any such dangerous and onwomanly affair."
+
+"Let?" sez I in a dry voice; "that's a queer word from one old pardner to
+another."
+
+"I'm responsible for your safety, Samantha, and if anybody goes to that
+dangerous and onseemly meetin' I will. Mebby Polly would like to go with
+me." As stated, Polly is as pretty as a pink posy, and no matter how old
+a man is, nor how interestin' and noble his pardner is, he needs girl
+blinders, yes, he needs 'em from the cradle to the grave. But few, indeed,
+are the female pardners who can git him to wear 'em.
+
+He added, "You know I represent you legally, Samantha; what I do is jest
+the same as though you did it."
+
+Sez I, "Mebby that is law, but whether it is gospel is another question.
+But if you represent me, Josiah, you will have to carry out my plans; I
+writ to Diantha Smith Trimble that if I went to the city I'd take care of
+Aunt Susan a night or two, and rest her a spell; you know Diantha is a
+widder and too poor to hire a nurse. But seein' you represent me you can
+set up with her Ma a night or two; she's bed-rid and you'll have to lift
+her round some, and give her her medicine and take care of Diantha's twins,
+and let her git a good sleep."
+
+"Well, as it were--Samantha--you know--men hain't expected to represent
+wimmen in everything, it is mostly votin' and tendin' big meetin's and
+such."
+
+"Oh, I see," sez I; "men represent wimmen when they want to, and when they
+don't wimmen have got to represent themselves."
+
+"Well, yes, Samantha, sunthin' like that."
+
+He didn't say anything more about representin' me, and Polly said she
+wuz goin' to ride in the parade with some other college girls. Lorinda's
+linement looked dark and forbiddin' as Polly stated in her gentle, but firm
+way this ultimatum. Lorinda hated the idee of Polly's jinin' in what she
+called onwomanly and immodest doin's, but I looked beamin'ly at her and
+gloried in her principles.
+
+After she went out Lorinda said to me in a complainin' way, "I should
+think that a girl that had every comfort and luxury would be contented and
+thankful, and be willin' to stay to home and act like a lady."
+
+Sez I, "Nothin' could keep Polly from actin' like a lady, and mebby it is
+because she is so well off herself that makes her sorry for other young
+girls that have nothin' but poverty and privation."
+
+"Oh, nonsense!" sez Lorinda. But I knowed jest how it wuz. Polly bein'
+surrounded by all the good things money could give, and bein' so
+tender-hearted her heart ached for other young girls, who had to spend the
+springtime of their lives in the hard work of earnin' bread for themselves
+and dear ones, and she longed to help 'em to livin' wages, so they
+could exist without the wages of sin, and too many on 'em had to choose
+between them black wages and starvation. She wanted to help 'em to better
+surroundin's and she knowed the best weepon she could put into their hands
+to fight the wolves of Want and Temptation, wuz the ballot. Polly hain't a
+mite like her Ma, she favors the Smiths more, her grand-ma on her pa's side
+wuz a Smith and a woman of brains and principle.
+
+Durin' my conversation with Lorinda, I inquired about Royal Gray, for as
+stated, he wuz a great favorite of ourn, and I found out (and I could see
+it gaulded her) that when Polly united with the Suffragists he shied off
+some, and went to payin' attention to another girl. Whether it wuz to make
+Polly jealous and bring her round to his way of thinkin', I didn't know,
+but mistrusted, for I could have took my oath that he loved Polly deeply
+and truly. To be sure he hadn't confided in me, but there is a language
+of the eyes, when the soul speaks through 'em, and as I'd seen him look
+at Polly my own soul had hearn and understood that silent language and
+translated it, that Polly wuz the light of his eyes, and the one woman in
+the world for him. And I couldn't think his heart had changed so sudden.
+But knowin' as I did the elastic nature of manly affection, I felt
+dubersome.
+
+This other girl, Maud Vincent, always said to her men friends, it wuz
+onwomanly to try to vote. She wuz one of the girls who always gloried in
+bein' a runnin' vine when there wuz any masculine trees round to lean
+on and twine about. One who always jined in with all the idees they
+promulgated, from neckties to the tariff, who declared cigar smoke wuz so
+agreeable and welcome; it did really make her deathly sick, but she would
+choke herself cheerfully and willin'ly if by so chokin' she could gain
+manly favor and admiration.
+
+She said she didn't believe in helpin' poor girls, they wuz well enough
+off as it wuz, she wuz sure they didn't feel hunger and cold as rich girls
+did, their skin wuz thicker and their stomachs different and stronger, and
+constant labor didn't harm them, and working girls didn't need recreation
+as rich girls did, and woman's suffrage wouldn't help them any; in her
+opinion it would harm them, and anyway the poor wuz on-grateful.
+
+She had the usual arguments on the tip of her tongue, for old Miss Vincent,
+the aunt she lived with, wuz a ardent She Aunty and very prominent in the
+public meetin's the She Auntys have to try to compel the Suffragists not
+to have public meetin's. They talk a good deal in public how onwomanly
+and immodest it is for wimmen to talk in public. And she wuz one of the
+foremost ones in tryin' to git up a school to teach wimmen civics, to prove
+that they mustn't ever have anything to do with civics.
+
+Yes, old Miss Vincent wuz a real active, ardent She Aunty, and Maud
+Genevieve takes after her. Royal Gray, his handsome attractive personality,
+and his millions, had long been the goal of Maud's ambition. And how
+ardently did she hail the coolness growing between him and Polly, the
+little rift in the lute, and how zealously did she labor to make it larger.
+
+Polly and Royal had had many an argument on the subject, that is, he would
+begin by makin' fun of the Suffragists and their militant doin's, which if
+he'd thought on't wuz sunthin' like what his old revolutionary forbears
+went through for the same reasons, bein' taxed without representation, and
+bein' burdened and punished by the law they had no voice in making, only
+the Suffragettes are not nearly so severe with their opposers, they haven't
+drawed any blood yet. Why, them old Patriots we revere so, would consider
+their efforts for freedom exceedingly gentle and tame compared to their own
+bloody battles.
+
+And Royal would make light of the efforts of college girls to help workin'
+girls, and the encouragement and aid they'd gin 'em when they wuz strikin'
+for less death-dealin' hours of labor, and livin' wages, and so forth. I
+don't see how such a really noble young man as Royal ever come to argy that
+way, but spoze it wuz the dead hand of some rough onreasonable old ancestor
+reachin' up out of the shadows of the past and pushin' him on in the wrong
+direction.
+
+So when he begun to ridicule what Polly's heart wuz sot on, when she felt
+that he wuz fightin' agin right and justice, before they knowed it both
+pairs of bright eyes would git to flashin' out angry sparks, and hash words
+would be said on both sides. That old long-buried Tory ancestor of hisen
+eggin' him on, so I spoze, and Polly's generous sperit rebellin' aginst the
+injustice and selfishness, and mebby some warlike ancestor of hern pushin'
+her on to say hash things. 'Tennyrate he had grown less attentive to her,
+and wuz bestowin' his time and attentions elsewhere.
+
+And when she told him she wuz goin' to ride in the automobile parade of the
+suffragists, but really ridin' she felt towards truth and justice to half
+the citizens of the U.S., he wuz mad as a wet hen, a male wet hen, and wuz
+bound she shouldn't go.
+
+Some men, and mebby it is love that makes 'em feel so (they say it is), and
+mebby it is selfishness (though they won't own up to it), but they want
+the women they love to belong to them alone, want to rule absolutely over
+their hearts, their souls, their bodies, and all their thoughts and aims,
+desires, and fancies. They don't really say they want 'em to wear veils,
+and be shet in behind lattice-windowed harems, but I believe they would
+enjoy it.
+
+They want to be foot loose and heart loose themselves, but always after
+Ulysses is tired of world wandering, he wants to come back and open the
+barred doors of home with his own private latch-key, and find Penelope
+knitting stockings for him with her veil on, waitin' for him.
+
+That sperit is I spoze inherited from the days when our ancestor, the Cave
+man, would knock down the woman he fancied, with a club, and carry her off
+into his cave and keep her there shet up. But little by little men are
+forgettin' their ancestral traits, and men and wimmen are gradually comin'
+out of their dark caverns into the sunshine (for women too have inherited
+queer traits and disagreeable ones, but that is another story).
+
+Well, as I said, Royal wuz mad and told Polly that he guessed that the day
+of the Parade he would take Maud Vincent out in the country in his motor,
+to gather May-flowers. Polly told him she hoped they would have a good
+time, and then, after he had gone, drivin' his car lickety-split, harem
+skarum, owin' to his madness I spoze, Polly went upstairs and cried, for I
+hearn her, her room wuz next to ourn.
+
+And I deeply respected her for her principles, for he had asked her first
+to go May-flowering with him the day of the Suffrage meeting. But she
+refused, havin' in her mind, I spoze, the girls that couldn't hunt flowers,
+but had to handle weeds and thistles with bare hands (metaforically) and
+wanted to help them and all workin' wimmen to happier and more prosperous
+lives.
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+"STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"
+
+
+But I am hitchin' the horse behind the wagon and to resoom backwards. The
+Reunion wuz put off a week and the Suffrage Meetin' wuz two days away, so I
+told Lorinda I didn't believe I would have a better time to carry Serepta
+Pester's errents to Washington, D.C. Josiah said he guessed he would stay
+and help wait on Hiram Cagwin, and I approved on't, for Lorinda wuz gittin'
+wore out.
+
+And then Josiah made so light of them errents I felt that he would be a
+drawback instead of a help, for how could I keep a calm and noble frame of
+mind befittin' them lofty errents, and how could I carry 'em stiddy with a
+pardner by my side pokin' fun at 'em, and at me for carryin' 'em, jarrin'
+my sperit with his scorfin' and onbelievin' talk?
+
+And as I sot off alone in the trolley I thought of how they must have felt
+in old times a-carryin' the Urim and Thumim. And though I hadn't no idee
+what them wuz, yet I always felt that the carriers of 'em must have felt
+solemn and high-strung. Yes, my feelin's wuz such as I felt of the heft
+and importance of them errents not alone to Serepta Pester, but to the
+hull race of wimmen that it kep' my mental head rained up so high that I
+couldn't half see and enjoy the sight of the most beautiful city in the
+world, and still I spoze its grandeur and glory sort o' filtered down
+through my conscientiousness, as cloth grows white under the sun's rays
+onbeknown to it.
+
+Anon I left the trolley and walked some ways afoot. It wuz a lovely day,
+the sun shone down in golden splendor upon the splendor beneath it. Broad,
+beautiful clean streets, little fresh green parks, everywhere you could
+turn about, and big ones full of flowers and fountains, and trees and
+statutes.
+
+And anon or oftener I passed noble big stun buildings, where everything is
+made for the nation's good and profit. Money and fish and wisdom and all
+sorts of patented things and garden seeds and tariffs and resolutions and
+treaties and laws of every shape and size, good ones and queer ones and
+reputations and rates and rebates, etc., etc. But it would devour too much
+time to even name over all that is made and onmade there, even if I knowed
+by name the innumerable things that are flowin' constant out of that great
+reservoir of the Nation, with its vast crowd of law-makers settin' on the
+lid, regulatin' its flow and spreadin' it abroad over the country, thick
+and thin.
+
+But on I went past the Capitol, the handsomest buildin' on the Globe,
+standin' in its own Eden of beauty. By the Public Library as long as from
+our house to Grout Hozleton's, and I guess longer, and every foot on't more
+beautifler ornamented than tongue can tell. But I didn't dally tryin' to
+pace off the size on't, though it wuz enormous, for the thought of what I
+wuz carryin' bore me on almost regardless of my matchless surroundin's and
+the twinges of rumatiz.
+
+And anon I arrived at the White House, where my hopes and the hopes of
+my sect and Serepta Pester wuz sot. I will pass over my efforts to git
+into the Presence, merely sayin' that they were arjous and extreme, and I
+wouldn't probably have got in at all had not the Presence appeared with a
+hat on jest goin' out for a walk, and see me as I wuz strivin' with the
+emissary for entrance. I spoze my noble mean, made more noble fur by the
+magnitude of what I wuz carryin', impressed him, for suffice it to say
+inside of five minutes the Presence wuz back in his augience room, and I
+wuz layin' out them errents of Serepta's in front of him.
+
+He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin' smilin' man, a politer demeanored
+gentlemanly appearner man I don't want to see. But his linement which had
+looked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I spread
+them errents before him and sez in conclusion:
+
+"Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance done
+away with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you to
+have nothin' stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner, she
+offerin' to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some emptins to
+start it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted 'em all by week after
+next without fail."
+
+He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell,
+and kep' a-fallin'. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to do
+it in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin' how much
+wuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz tremblin' in
+the balances, I spread them errents out before him. And bein' truthful
+and above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin' disagreeable and
+very humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as though she wuz a
+wax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her relations had suffered
+from want of rights, and how dretfully she had suffered from the Ring till
+I declare talkin' about them little children of hern, and her agony, I got
+about as fierce actin' as Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to myself
+I talked powerful on intemperance and Rings, and such.
+
+When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried and
+anxious look on his good-natured face, and he sez: "The laws of the United
+States are such that I can't do them errands, I can't interfere."
+
+"Then," sez I, "why don't you make the United States do right?"
+
+He said sunthin' about the might of the majority, and the powerful
+corporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked very
+powerful and allegored about allowin' a ring to be put round the United
+States and let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her round,
+a pitiful sight for men and angels. Sez I, "How duz it look before the
+nations to see Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?"
+
+He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks.
+
+Sez I, "Intemperance is bad for Serepta and bad for the Nation."
+
+He murmured sunthin' about the revenue the liquor trade brought the
+Govermunt.
+
+But I sez, "Every penny is money right out of the people's pockets; every
+dollar the people pay into the liquor traffic that gives a few cents into
+the treasury, is costin' the people ten times that dollar in the loss
+intemperance entails, loss of labor, by the inability of drunken men to do
+anything but wobble and stagger, loss of wealth by the enormous losses of
+property and taxation, of alms-houses, mad-houses, jails, police forces,
+paupers' coffins, and the diggin' of thousands and thousands of graves
+that are filled yearly by them that reel into 'em." Sez I, "Wouldn't it
+be better for the people to pay that dollar in the first place into the
+treasury than to let it filter through the dram-seller's hands, a few cents
+of it fallin' into the national purse at last, putrid and heavy with all
+these losses and curses and crimes and shames and despairs and agonies?"
+
+He seemed to think it would, I see by the looks of his linement he did.
+Every honorable man feels so in his heart, and yet they let the Liquor Ring
+control 'em and lead 'em round. "It is queer, queer as a dog." Sez I, "The
+intellectual and moral power of the United States are rolled up and thrust
+into that Whiskey Ring and bein' drove by the whiskey dealers jest where
+they want to drive 'em." Sez I, "It controls New York village and nobody
+denies it, and the piety and philanthropy and culture and philosophy of
+that village has to be drawed along by that Ring." And sez I, in low but
+startlin' tones of principle:
+
+"Where, where is it a-drawin' 'em to? Where is it drawin' the hull nation
+to? Is it drawin' 'em down into a slavery ten times more abject and
+soul-destroyin' than African slavery ever wuz? Tell me," sez I firmly,
+"tell me!"
+
+He did not try to frame a reply, he could not find a frame. He knowed it
+wuz a conundrum boundless as truth and God's justice, and as solemnly deep
+in its sure consequences of evil as eternity, and as sure to come as that
+is.
+
+Oh, how solemn he looked, and how sorry I felt for him, for I knowed worse
+wuz to come, I knowed the sharpest arrow Serepta Pester had sent wuz yet
+to pierce his sperit. But I sort o' blunted the edge on't what I could
+conscientiously. Sez I, "I think myself Serepta is a little onreasonable, I
+myself am willin' to wait three or four weeks. But she's suffered dretful
+from intemperance from the Rings and from the want of rights, and her
+sufferin's have made her more voylent in her demands and impatienter," and
+then I fairly groaned as I did the rest of the errent, and let the sharpest
+arrow fly from the bo.
+
+"Serepta told me to tell you if you didn't do these errents you should not
+be President next year."
+
+He trembled like a popple leaf, and I felt that Serepta wuz threatenin' him
+too hard. Sez he, "I do not wish to be President again, I shall refuse to
+be nominated. At the same time I _do_ wish to be President and shall
+work hard for the nomination if you can understand the paradox."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "I understand them paradoxes. I've lived with 'em as you may
+say, all through my married life."
+
+A clock struck in the next room and I knowed time wuz passin' swift.
+
+Sez the President, "I would be glad to do Serepta's errents, I think she is
+justified in askin' for her rights, and to have the Ring destroyed, but I
+am not the one to do them."
+
+Sez I, "Who is the man or men?"
+
+He looked all round the room and up and down as if in hopes he could see
+someone layin' round on the floor, or danglin' from the ceilin', that would
+take the responsibility offen him, and in the very nick of time the door
+opened after a quick rap, and the President jumped up with a relieved look
+on his linement, and sez:
+
+"Here is the very man to do the errents." And he hastened to introduce me
+to the Senator who entered. And then he bid me a hasty adoo, but cordial
+and polite, and withdrew himself.
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+"HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"
+
+
+I felt glad to have this Senator do Serepta's errents, but I didn't like
+his looks. My land! talk about Serepta Pester bein' disagreeable, he wuz as
+disagreeable as she any day. He wuz kinder tall and looked out of his eyes
+and wore a vest. He wuz some bald-headed, and wore a large smile all the
+while, it looked like a boughten one that didn't fit him, but I won't say
+it wuz. I presoom he'll be known by this description. But his baldness
+didn't look to me like Josiah Allen's baldness, and he didn't have the
+noble linement of the President, no indeed. He wuz dretful polite, good
+land! politeness is no name for it, but I don't like to see anybody too
+good. He drawed a chair up for me and himself and asked me:
+
+If he should have the inexpressible honor and delightful joy of aiding me
+in any way, if so to command him to do it or words to that effect. I can't
+put down his second-hand smiles and genteel looks and don't want to if I
+could.
+
+But tacklin' hard jobs as I always tackle 'em, I sot down calm in front
+of him with my umbrell on my lap and told him all of Serepta's errents,
+and how I had brought 'em from Jonesville on my tower. I told over all her
+sufferin's and wrongs from the Rings and from not havin' her rights, and
+all her sister's Azuba Clapsaddle's, and her Aunt Cassandra Keeler's, and
+Hulda and Drusilly's and Abagail Flanderses injustices and sufferin's. I
+did her errents as honorable as I'd love to have one done for me, I told
+him all the petickulars, and as I finished I said firmly:
+
+"Now can you do Serepta Pesterses errents and will you?"
+
+He leaned forward with that disagreeable boughten smile of hisen and took
+up one corner of my mantilly, it wuz cut tab fashion, and he took up the
+tab and said in a low insinuatin' voice, lookin' clost at the edge of the
+tab:
+
+"Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein' or can it be
+Kensington tattin'?"
+
+I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, in
+a tone of amiable anxiety, "Have I not heard a rumor that bangs are
+going out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like or
+a-pompadouris? Ah, women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of
+'em." And he sithed, "You are very beautiful," and he sithed agin, a sort
+of a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a chippin'
+bird tappin' his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it jest as much as
+he moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep' on, puttin' on a sort of
+a sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin' of him.
+
+"My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce, however
+carefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you. Have you
+a leanin' toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied into the
+habits and traits of our American Wad?"
+
+"What?" sez I. For truly a woman's curosity, however parlyzed by just
+indignation, can stand only just so much strain. "The what?"
+
+"The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that tailors
+make so much use of."
+
+Sez I, "Do you mean waddin' eight cents a sheet?"
+
+"Eight cents a pelt--yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing to the
+hardy habits of the animal."
+
+Sez I, "Cease instantly. I will hear no more."
+
+Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will use
+to wimmen, and I'd hearn of their lies, etc.; but truly I felt that the
+half had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:
+
+"I've hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side in
+Washington, D.C., as bein' too triflin' to attend to, while the Legislators
+pondered over and passed laws regardin' hen's eggs and bird's nests. But
+this is goin' too fur--too fur. But," sez I firmly, "I shall do Serepta's
+errents, and do 'em to the best of my ability, and you can't draw off my
+attention from her wrongs and sufferin's by talkin' about wads."
+
+"I would love to obleege Serepta," sez he, "because she belongs to such a
+lovely sect. Wimmen are the loveliest, most angelic creatures that ever
+walked the earth; they are perfect, flawless, like snow and roses."
+
+Sez I firmly, "They hain't no such thing; they are disagreeable creeters a
+good deal of the time. They hain't no better than men, but they ort to have
+their rights all the same. Now Serepta is disagreeable and kinder fierce
+actin', and jest as humbly as they make wimmen, but that hain't no sign she
+ort to be imposed upon; Josiah sez she hadn't ort to have rights she is so
+humbly, but I don't feel so."
+
+"Who is Josiah?" sez he.
+
+Sez I, "My husband."
+
+"Ah, your husband! Yes, wimmen should have husbands instead of rights. They
+do not need rights; they need freedom from all cares and sufferin'. Sweet
+lovely beings! let them have husbands to lift them above all earthly cares
+and trials! Oh! angels of our homes!" sez he, liftin' his eyes to the
+heavens and kinder shettin' 'em, some as if he wuz goin' into a spazzum.
+"Fly around, ye angels, in your native hants; mingle not with rings and
+vile laws, flee away, flee above them!"
+
+And he kinder waved his hand back and forth in a floatin' fashion up in the
+air, as if it wuz a woman flyin' up there smooth and serene. It would have
+impressed some folks dretful, but it didn't me. I sez reasonably:
+
+"Serepta would have been glad to flew above 'em, but the Ring and the vile
+laws lay holt of her onbeknown to her and dragged her down. And there
+she is all bruised and broken-hearted by 'em. She didn't meddle with the
+political Ring, but the Ring meddled with her. How can she fly when the
+weight of this infamous traffic is holdin' her down?"
+
+"Ahem!" sez he. "Ahem, as it were. As I was saying, my dear madam, these
+angelic angels of our homes are too ethereal, too dainty to mingle with
+rude crowds. We political men would fain keep them as they are now; we are
+willing to stand the rude buffetin' of--of--voting, in order to guard these
+sweet delicate creatures from any hardships. Sweet tender beings, we would
+fain guard thee--ah, yes, ah, yes."
+
+Sez I, "Cease instantly, or my sickness will increase, for such talk is
+like thoroughwort or lobelia to my moral and mental stomach. You know and I
+know that these angelic tender bein's, half-clothed, fill our streets on
+icy midnights, huntin' up drunken husbands and fathers and sons. They are
+driven to death and to moral ruin by the miserable want liquor drinkin'
+entails. They are starved, they are froze, they are beaten, they are
+made childless and hopeless by drunken husbands killin' their own flesh
+and blood. They go down into the cold waves and are drowned by drunken
+captains; they are cast from railways into death by drunken engineers; they
+go up on the scaffold and die for crimes committed by the direct aid of
+this agent of Hell.
+
+"Wimmen had ruther be flyin' round than to do all this, but they can't.
+If men really believed all they say about wimmen, and I think some on 'em
+do in a dreamy sentimental way--If wimmen are angels, give 'em the rights
+of angels. Who ever hearn of a angel foldin' up her wings and goin' to a
+poor-house or jail through the fault of somebody else? Who ever hearn of a
+angel bein' dragged off to police court for fightin' to defend her children
+and herself from a drunken husband that had broke her wings and blacked
+her eyes, got the angel into the fight and then she got throwed into the
+streets and imprisoned by it? Who ever hearn of a angel havin' to take in
+washin' to support a drunken son or father or husband? Who ever hearn of
+a angel goin' out as wet-nurse to git money to pay taxes on her home to
+a Govermunt that in theory idolizes her, and practically despises her,
+and uses that money in ways abominable to that angel. If you want to be
+consistent, if you're bound to make angels of wimmen, you ort to furnish a
+free safe place for 'em to soar in. You ort to keep the angels from bein'
+tormented and bruised and killed, etc."
+
+"Ahem," sez he, "as it were, ahem."
+
+But I kep' right on, for I begun to feel noble and by the side of myself:
+
+"This talk about wimmen bein' outside and above all participation in the
+laws of her country, is jest as pretty as anything I ever hearn, and jest
+as simple. Why, you might jest as well throw a lot of snowflakes into the
+street, and say, 'Some of 'em are female flakes and mustn't be trompled
+on.' The great march of life tromples on 'em all alike; they fall from one
+common sky, and are trodden down into one common ground.
+
+"Men and wimmen are made with divine impulses and desires, and human
+needs and weaknesses, needin' the same heavenly light, and the same human
+aids and helps. The law should mete out to them the same rewards and
+punishments.
+
+"Serepta sez you call wimmen angels, and you don't give 'em the rights of
+the lowest beasts that crawl on the earth. And Serepta told me to tell you
+that she didn't ask the rights of a angel; she would be perfectly contented
+and proud, if you would give her the rights of a dog--the assured political
+rights of a yeller dog.' She said yeller and I'm bound on doin' her 'errent
+jest as she wanted it done, word for word.
+
+"A dog, Serepta sez, don't have to be hung if it breaks the laws it is not
+allowed any hand in making; a dog don't have to pay taxes on its bone to a
+Govermunt that withholds every right of citizenship from it; a dog hain't
+called undogly if it is industrious and hunts quietly round for its bone
+to the best of its ability, and tries to git its share of the crumbs that
+falls from that table bills are laid on.
+
+"A dog hain't preached to about its duty to keep home sweet and sacred, and
+then see that home turned into a place of danger and torment under laws
+that these very preachers have made legal and respectable. A dog don't have
+to see its property taxed to advance laws it believes ruinous, and that
+breaks its own heart and the heart of other dear dogs. A dog don't have
+to listen to soul-sickening speeches from them that deny it freedom and
+justice, about its bein' a damask rose and a seraph, when it knows it
+hain't; it knows, if it knows anything, that it is jest a plain dog.
+
+"You see Serepta has been embittered by the trials that politics, corrupt
+legislation have brought right onto her. She didn't want nothin' to do with
+'em, but they come onto her onexpected and onbeknown, and she feels that
+she must do everything she can to alter matters. She wants to help make the
+laws that have such a overpowerin' influence over her. She believes they
+can't be much worse than they are now, and may be a little better."
+
+"Ah," interrupted the Senator, "if Serepta wishes to change political
+affairs, let her influence her children, her boys, and they will carry her
+benign and noble influence forward into the centuries."
+
+"But the law took her boy, her little boy and girl, away from her. Through
+the influence of the Whiskey Ring, of which her husband wuz a shinin'
+member, he got possession of her boy. And so the law has made it perfectly
+impossible for her to mould it indirectly through him, what Serepta duz she
+must do herself."
+
+"Ah! my dear woman. A sad thing for Serepta; I trust _you_ have no
+grievance of this kind, I trust that your estimable husband is, as it were,
+estimable."
+
+"Yes, Josiah Allen is a good man, as good as men can be. You know men or
+wimmen can't be only jest about so good anyway. But he's my choice, and he
+don't drink a drop."
+
+"Pardon me, madam, but if you are happy in your married relations, and your
+husband is a temperate good man, why do you feel so upon this subject?"
+
+"Why, good land! if you understood the nature of a woman you would know my
+love for him, my happiness, the content and safety I feel about him and our
+boy, makes me realize the sufferin's of Serepta in havin' her husband and
+boy lost to her; makes me realize the depth of a wife's and mother's agony
+when she sees the one she loves goin' down, down so low she can't reach
+him; makes me feel how she must yearn to help him in some safe sure way.
+
+"High trees cast long shadows. The happier and more blessed a woman's life
+is, the more duz she feel for them that are less blessed than she. Highest
+love goes lowest, like that love that left Heaven and descended to earth,
+and into it that He might lift up the lowly. The pityin' words of Him who
+went about pleasin' not Himself, hants me and inspires me; I'm sorry for
+Serepta, sorry for the hull wimmen race of the nation, and for the men too.
+Lots of 'em are good creeters, better than wimmen, some on 'em. They want
+to do right, but don't exactly see the way to do it. In the old slavery
+times some of the masters wuz more to be pitied than the slaves. They could
+see the injustice, feel the wrong they wuz doin', but old chains of Custom
+bound 'em, social customs and idees had hardened into habits of thought.
+
+"They realized the size and heft of the evil, but didn't know how to
+grapple with it, and throw it. So now, many men see the evils of this time,
+want to help, but don't know the best way to lay holt of 'em. Life is a
+curious conundrum anyway, and hard to guess. But we can try to git the
+right answer to it as fur as we can. Serepta feels that one of the answers
+to the conundrum is in gittin' her rights. I myself have got all the rights
+I need or want, as fur as my own happiness is concerned. My home is my
+castle (a story and a half wooden one, but dear). My towers elevate me,
+the companionship of my friends give social happiness, our children are
+prosperous and happy. We have property enough for all the comforts of life.
+And above all other things my Josiah is my love and my theme."
+
+"Ah, yes!" sez he, "love is a woman's empire, and in that she should find
+her full content--her entire happiness and thought. A womanly woman will
+not look outside that lovely and safe and beautious empire."
+
+Sez I firmly, "If she hain't a idiot she can't help it. Love is the most
+beautiful thing on earth, the most holy and satisfyin'. But I do not ask
+you as a politician, but as a human bein', which would you like best, the
+love of a strong, earnest tender nature, for in man or woman 'the strongest
+are the tenderest, the loving are the daring,' which would you like best,
+the love and respect of such a nature full of wit, of tenderness, of
+infinite variety, or the love of a fool?
+
+"A fool's love is wearin', it is insipid at best, and it turns to vinegar.
+Why, sweetened water must turn to vinegar, it is its nater. And if a woman
+is bright and true-hearted, she can't help seein' through an injustice. She
+may be happy in her own home. Domestic affection, social enjoyments, the
+delights of a cultured home and society, and the companionship of the man
+she loves and who loves her, will, if she is a true woman, satisfy her own
+personal needs and desires, and she would far ruther for her own selfish
+happiness rest quietly in that love, that most blessed home.
+
+"But the bright quick intellect that delights you can't help seein' an
+injustice, can't help seein' through shams of all kinds, sham sentiment,
+sham compliments, sham justice. The tender lovin' nature that blesses your
+life can't help feelin' pity for them less blessed than herself. She looks
+down through the love-guarded lattice of her home from which your care
+would fain bar out all sights of woe and squaler, she looks down and sees
+the weary toilers below, the hopeless, the wretched. She sees the steep
+hills they have to climb, carryin' their crosses, she sees 'em go down into
+the mire, dragged there by the love that should lift 'em up. She would not
+be the woman you love if she could restrain her hand from liftin' up the
+fallen, wipin' tears from weepin' eyes, speakin' brave words for them that
+can't speak for themselves. The very strength of her affection that would
+hold you up if you were in trouble or disgrace yearns to help all sorrowin'
+hearts.
+
+"Down in your heart you can't help admirin' her for this, we can't help
+respectin' the one that advocates the right, the true, even if they are our
+conquerors. Wimmen hain't angels; now to be candid, you know they hain't.
+They hain't any better than men. Men are considerable likely; and it seems
+curious to me that they should act so in this one thing. For men ort to be
+more honest and open than wimmen. They hain't had to cajole and wheedle and
+use little trickeries and deceits and indirect ways as wimmen have. Why,
+cramp a tree limb and see if it will grow as straight and vigorous as it
+would in full freedom and sunshine.
+
+"Men ort to be nobler than women, sincerer, braver. And they ort to be
+ashamed of this one trick of theirn, for they know they hain't honest in
+it, they hain't generous. Give wimmen two or three generations of moral and
+legal freedom and see if men will laugh at 'em for their little deceits and
+affectations. No, men will be gentler, and wimmen nobler, and they will
+both come nearer bein' angels, though most probable they won't be any too
+good then, I hain't a mite afraid of it."
+
+
+
+
+VI
+
+"CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"
+
+
+The Senator kinder sithed, and that sithe sort o' brought me down onto my
+feet agin as it were, and a sense of my duty, and I spoke out agin:
+
+"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents?"
+
+He evaded a direct answer by sayin', "As you alluded to the little indirect
+ways of women, dearest madam, you will pardon me for saying that it is
+my belief that the soft gentle brains of females are unfitted for the
+deep hard problems men have to grapple with. They are too doll-like, too
+angelically and sweetly frivolous."
+
+"No doubt," sez I, "some wimmen are frivolous and some men foolish, for
+as Mrs. Poyser said, 'God made women to match the men,' but these few
+hadn't ort to disfranchise the hull race of men and wimmen. And as to soft
+brains, Maria Mitchell discovered planets hid from masculine eyes from the
+beginnin' of time, and do you think that wimmen can't see the black spots
+on the body politic, that darkens the life of her and her children?
+
+"Madame Curie discovered the light that looks through solid wood and iron,
+and you think wimmen can't see through unjust laws and practices, the
+rampant evils of to-day, and see what is on the other side, see a remedy
+for 'em. Florence Nightingale could mother and help cure an army, and why
+hain't men willin' to let wimmen help cure a sick legislation, kinder
+mother it, and encourage it to do better? She might much better be doin'
+that, than playin' bridge-whist, or rastlin' with hobble skirts, and it
+wouldn't devour any more time."
+
+He sot demute for a few minutes and then he sez, "While on the subject of
+women's achievements, dearest madam, allow me to ask you, if they have
+reached the importance you claim for them, why is it that so few women are
+made immortal by bein' represented in the Hall of Fame? And why are the
+four or five females represented there put away by themselves in a remote
+unadorned corner with no roof to protect them from the rough winds and
+storms that beat upon them?"
+
+Sez I, "That's a good illustration of what I've been sayin'. It wuz owin'
+to a woman's gift that America has a Hall of Fame, and it would seem that
+common courtesy would give wimmen an equally desirable place amongst
+the Immortals. Do you spoze that if women formed half the committee of
+selection--which they should since it wuz a woman's gift that made such a
+place possible--do you spoze that if she had an equal voice with men, the
+names of noble wimmen would be tucked away in a remote unroofed corner?
+
+"Edgar Allan Poe's genius wuz worthy a place among the Immortals, no doubt;
+his poems and stories excite wonder and admiration. But do they move the
+soul like Mrs. Stowe's immortal story that thrilled the world and helped
+free a race?--yes, two races--for the curse of slavery held the white race
+in bondage, too. Yet she and her three or four woman companions face the
+stormy winds in an out-of-the-way corner, while Poe occupies his honorable
+sightly place among his fifty or more male companions.
+
+"Wimmen have always been admonished to not strive for right and justice
+but to lean on men's generosity and chivalry. Here wuz a place where that
+chivalry would have shone, but it didn't seem to materialize, and if wimmen
+had leaned on it, it would have proved a weak staff, indeed.
+
+"Such things as this are constantly occurring and show plain that wimmen
+needs the ballot to protect her from all sorts of wrongs and indignities.
+Men take wimmen's money, as they did here, and use it to uplift themselves,
+and lower her, like taxin' her heavily and often unjustly and usin' this
+money to help forward unjust laws which she abominates. And so it goes on,
+and will, until women are men's equals legally and politically."
+
+"Ahem--you present things in a new light. I never looked at this matter
+with your eyes."
+
+"No, you looked at 'em through a man's eyes; such things are so customary
+that men do 'em without thinkin', from habit and custom, like hushin' up
+children's talk, when they interrupt grown-ups."
+
+Agin he sot demute for a short space, and then said, "I feel that natural
+human instinct is aginst the change. In savage races that knew nothin' of
+civilization, male force and strength always ruled."
+
+"Why," sez I, "history tells us of savage races where wimmen always rule,
+though I don't think they ort to--ability and goodness ort to rule."
+
+"Nature is aginst it," sez he.
+
+But I sez firmly, "Bees and lots of other insects and animals always have
+a female for queen and ruler. They rule blindly and entirely, right on
+through the centuries, but we are enlightened and should not encourage it.
+In my opinion the male bee has just as good a right to be monarch as his
+female pardner has, if he is as good and knows as much. I never believed in
+the female workin' ones killin' off the male drones to save winterin' 'em;
+they might give 'em some light chores to do round the hive to pay for their
+board. I love justice and that would be _my_ way."
+
+Agin he sithed. "Modern history don't seem to favor the scheme--" But his
+axent wuz as weak as a cat and his boughten smile seemed crackin' and
+wearin' out; he knowed better.
+
+Sez I, "We won't argy long on that p'int, for I might overwhelm you if
+I approved of overwhelmin', but, will merely ask you to cast one eye on
+England. Was the rain of Victoria the Good less peaceful and prosperous
+than that of the male rulers who preceded her? And you can then throw your
+other eye over to Holland: is their sweet queen less worthy and beloved
+to-day than other European monarchs? And is her throne more shaky and
+tottlin' than theirn?"
+
+He didn't try to dispute me and bowed his head on his breast in a almost
+meachin' way. He knowed he wuz beat on every side, and almost to the end of
+his chain of rusty, broken old arguments. But anon he brightened up agin
+and sez, ketchin' holt of the last shackly link of his argument:
+
+"You seem to place a great deal of dependence on the Bible. The Bible is
+aginst the idee. The Bible teaches man's supremacy, man's absolute power
+and might and authority."
+
+"Why, how you talk," sez I. "In the very first chapter the Bible tells how
+man wuz turned right round by a woman, tells how she not only turned man
+round to do as she wanted him to, but turned the hull world over.
+
+"That hain't nothin' I approve of; I don't speak of it because I like the
+idee. That wuzn't done in a open honorable manner as things should be done.
+No, Eve ruled by indirect influence, the gently influencing men way, that
+politicians are so fond of. And she brought ruin and destruction onto the
+hull world by it.
+
+"A few years later when men and wimmen grew wiser, when we hear of wimmen
+rulin' Israel openly and honestly, like Miriam, Deborah and other likely
+old four mothers, things went on better. They didn't act meachin' and
+tempt, and act indirect."
+
+He sithed powerful and sot round oneasy in his chair. And sez he, "I
+thought wimmen wuz taught by the Bible to serve and love their homes."
+
+"So they be. And every true woman loves to serve. Home is my supreme
+happiness and delight, and my best happiness is found in servin' them I
+love. But I must tell the truth, in the house or outdoors."
+
+Sez he faintly, "The Old Testament may teach that women have some strength
+and power. But in the New Testament in every great undertaken' and plan men
+have been chosen by God to carry them through."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I, "how you talk! Have you ever read the Bible?"
+
+He said evasively, his grandmother owned one, and he had seen it in early
+youth. And then he went on in a sort of apologizin' way. He had always
+meant to read it, but he had entered political life at an early age where
+the Bible wuzn't popular, and he believed that he had never read further
+than the Epistles of Gulliver to the Liliputians.
+
+Sez I, "That hain't Bible, there hain't no Gulliver in it, and you mean
+Galatians."
+
+Well, he said, that might be it, it wuz some man he knew, and he had always
+heard and believed that man wuz the only worker that God had chosen.
+
+"Why," sez I, "the one great theme of the New Testament--the salvation of
+the world through the birth of Christ--no man had anything to do with. Our
+divine Lord wuz born of God and Woman. Heavenly plan of redemption for
+fallen humanity. God Himself called woman into that work, the divine work
+of saving a world, and why shouldn't she continue in it? God called her.
+Mary had no dream of publicity, no desire of a world's work of suffering
+and renunciation. The soft air of Galilee wropped her about in its sweet
+content, as she dreamed her quiet dreams in maiden peace--dreamed, perhaps,
+of domestic love and happiness.
+
+"From that sweetest silence, the restful peace of happy innocent girlhood,
+God called her to her divine work of helpin' redeem a world from sin. And
+did not this woman's love and willin' obedience, and sufferin' set her
+apart, baptize her for this work of liftin' up the fallen, helpin' the
+weak?
+
+[Illustration: "He'd entered political life where the Bible wuzn't
+popular; he'd never read further than Gulliver's Epistle to the
+Liliputians."]
+
+"Is it not a part of woman's life that she gave at the birth and
+crucifixion? Her faith, her hope, her sufferin', her glow of divine pity
+and joyful martyrdom. These, mingled with the divine, the pure heavenly,
+have they not for nineteen hundred years been blessin' the world? The God
+in Christ would awe us too much; we would shield our eyes from the too
+blindin' glory of the pure God-like. But the tender Christ who wept over a
+sinful city, and the grave of His friend, who stopped dyin' on the cross
+to comfort His mother's heart, provide for her future--it is this womanly
+element in our Lord's nature that makes us dare to approach Him, dare to
+kneel at His feet?
+
+"And since woman wuz so blessed as to be counted worthy to be co-worker
+with God in the beginnin' of the world's redemption; since He called
+her from the quiet obscurity of womanly rest and peace into the blessed
+martyrdom of renunciation and toil and sufferin', all to help a world that
+cared nothin' for her, that cried out shame upon her.
+
+"He will help her carry on the work of helpin' a sinful world. He will
+protect her in it, she cannot be harmed or hindered, for the cause she
+loves of helpin' men and wimmen, is God's cause too, and God will take care
+of His own. Herods full of greed and frightened selfishness may try to
+break her heart by efforts to kill the child she loves, but she will hold
+it so clost to her bosom he can't destroy it; and the light of the Divine
+will go before her, showin' the way through the desert and wilderness
+mebby, but she shall bear it into safety."
+
+"You spoke of Herod," sez he dreamily, "the name sounds familiar to me. Was
+not Mr. Herod once in the United States Senate?"
+
+"Not that one," sez I. "He died some time ago, but I guess he has relatives
+there now, judgin' from laws made there. You ask who Herod wuz, and as it
+all seems a new story to you, I will tell you. When the Saviour of the
+world wuz born in Bethlehem, and a woman wuz tryin' to save His life, a man
+by the name of Herod wuz tryin' his best out of selfishness and greed to
+murder Him."
+
+"Ah! that was not right in Herod."
+
+"No, it hain't been called so. And what wuzn't right in him hain't right in
+his relations who are tryin' to do the same thing to-day. Sellin' for money
+the right to destroy the child the mother carries on her heart. Surroundin'
+him with temptations so murderous, yet so enticin' to youthful spirits,
+that the mother feels that as the laws are now, the grave is the only place
+of safety that God Himself can find for her boy. But because Herod wuz so
+mean it hain't no sign that all men are mean. Joseph wuz as likely as he
+could be."
+
+"Joseph?" sez he pensively. "Do you allude to our venerable speaker, Joe
+Cannon?"
+
+"No," sez I. "I'm talkin' Bible--I'm talkin' about Joseph; jest plain
+Joseph."
+
+"Ah! I see. I am not fully familiar with that work. Being so engrossed in
+politics, and political literature, I don't git any time to devote to less
+important publications."
+
+Sez I candidly, "I knew you hadn't read it the minute you mentioned the
+book of Liliputians. But as I wuz sayin', Joseph wuz a likely man. He had
+the strength to lead the way, overcome obstacles, keep dangers from Mary,
+protect her tenderer form with the mantilly of his generous devotion.
+
+"_But she carried the Child on her bosom_; ponderin' high things in
+her heart that Joseph never dreamed of. That is what is wanted now, and
+in the future. The man and the woman walkin' side by side. He a little
+ahead, mebby, to keep off dangers by his greater strength and courage. She
+a-carryin' the infant Christ of Love, bearin' the baby Peace in her bosom,
+carryin' it into safety from them that seek to destroy it.
+
+"And as I said before, if God called woman into this work, He will enable
+her to carry it through. He will protect her from her own weaknesses, and
+the misapprehensions and hard judgments and injustices of a gain-sayin'
+world.
+
+"Yes, the star of hope is risin' in the sky brighter and brighter, and
+wise men are even now comin' to the mother of the new Redeemer, led by the
+star."
+
+He sot demute. Silence rained for some time; and finally I spoke out
+solemnly through the rain:
+
+"Will you do Serepta's errents? Will you give her her rights? And will you
+break the Whiskey Ring?"
+
+He said he would love to do the errents, I had convinced him that it would
+be just and right to do 'em, but the Constitution of the United States
+stood up firm aginst 'em. As the laws of the United States wuz, he could
+not make any move toward doin' either of the errents.
+
+Sez I, "Can't the laws be changed?"
+
+"Be changed? Change the laws of the United States? Tamper with the glorious
+Constitution that our fore-fathers left us--an immortal sacred legacy."
+
+He jumped up on his feet and his second-hand smile fell off. He kinder
+shook as if he wuz skairt most to death and tremblin' with horrow. He did
+it to skair me, I knew, but I knowed I meant well towards the Constitution
+and our old forefathers; and my principles stiddied me and held me firm and
+serene. And when he asked me agin in tones full of awe and horrow:
+
+"Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin' the
+unalterable laws of the United States--tampering with the Constitution?"
+
+"Yes, that is what I said. Hain't they never been changed?"
+
+He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see that
+he could not skair me to death; an' sez he, "Oh, yes, they've been changed
+in cases of necessity."
+
+Sez I, "For instance durin' the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make Northern
+men cheap bloodhounds and hunters."
+
+"Yes," he said, "it seemed to be a case of necessity and economy."
+
+"I know it," sez I; "men wuz cheaper than any other breed of bloodhounds
+the slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with, and more
+faithful."
+
+"Yes," he said, "it wuz a case of clear economy."
+
+And sez I: "The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers."
+
+"Well, yes," he said, "it had been changed to enable whiskey dealers to
+utilize the surplus liquor they import."
+
+Sez he, gittin' kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familar
+theme, "Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly calculate
+how much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than have the
+whiskey dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And then," sez he,
+growin' still more candid in his excitement, "we are makin' a powerful
+effort to change the laws now so as to take the tax off of whiskey, so it
+can be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater quantities by the masses. Any
+such great laws would justify a change in the Constitution and the laws;
+but for any frivolous cause, any trivial cause, madam, we male custodians
+of the sacred Constitution stand as walls of iron before it, guarding it
+from any shadow of change. Faithful we will be, faithful unto death."
+
+Sez I, "As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I had
+convinced you that Serepta's errents wuz errents of truth and justice, and
+you would love to do 'em."
+
+"Well, yes, yes--I would love to--as it were--. But, my dear madam, much as
+I would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote to the cause of
+Right and Justice. I don't think you realize the constant pressure of hard
+work that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our day.
+
+"As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that the
+liquor dealers suffer no loss--we have to do that, of course."
+
+And he continued dreamily, as if losin' sight of me and talkin' to himself:
+"The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them loudly to
+please the common people, and help 'em secretly to please ourselves, or our
+richest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the Indian Agency, the Land
+Grabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are surrounded by a host of
+bandits that we have to appease and profit by; oh, how these matters wear
+into the gray matter of our brains!"
+
+"Gray matter!" sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest height, "I
+should call it black matter!"
+
+"Well, the name is immaterial, but these labors, though pocket filling, are
+brain wearing. And of late I and the rest of our loyal henchmen have been
+worn out in our labors in tariff revision. You know how we claim to help
+the common people by the revision; you've probable read about it in the
+papers."
+
+"Yes," sez I coldly, "I've hearn _talk_."
+
+"Yes," sez he, "but if we do succeed, after the most strenious efforts in
+getting the duty off champagne, green turtle, olives, etc., and put on to
+sugar, tea, cotton cloth and such like, with all this brain fag and brain
+labor--"
+
+"And tongue labor!" sez I in a icy axent.
+
+"Yes, after all this ceaseless toil the common people will not show any
+gratitude; we statesmen labor oft with aching hearts." And he leaned his
+forward on his hand and sithed.
+
+But my looks wuz like ice-suckles on the north side of a barn. And I
+stopped his complaints and his sithes by askin' in a voice that demanded a
+reply:
+
+"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents? Errents full of truth and
+justice and eternal right?"
+
+He said he knew they wuz jest runnin' over with them qualities, but happy
+as it would make him to do 'em, he had to refuse owin' to the fur more
+important matters he had named, and the many, many other laws and preambles
+that he hadn't time to name over to me. "Mebby you have heard," sez
+he, "that we are now engaged in making most important laws concerning
+moth-millers, and minny fish, and hog cholera. And take it with these
+important bills and the constant strain on our minds in tryin' to pass laws
+to increase our own salaries, you can see jest how cramped we are for time.
+And though we would love to pass some laws of truth and righteousness--we
+fairly ache to--yet not havin' the requisite time we are forced to lay 'em
+on the table or under it."
+
+"Well," sez I, "I guess I may as well be a-goin'." And I bid him a cool
+goodbye and started for the door. But jest as my hand wuz on the nub he
+jumped up and opened the door, wearin' that boughten second-hand smile agin
+on his linement, and sez he:
+
+"Dear madam, perhaps Senator B. will do the errents for you."
+
+Sez I, "Where is Senator B.?" And he said I would find him at his Post of
+Duty at the Capitol.
+
+"Well," I said, "I will hunt up the Post," and did. A grand enough place
+for a Emperor or a Zar is the Capitol of our great nation where I found
+him, a good natured lookin' boy in buttons showin' me the Post.
+
+
+
+
+VII
+
+"NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"
+
+
+Well, Senator B. wanted to do the errents but said it wuz not his place,
+and sent me to Senator C., and he almost cried, he wanted to do 'em so bad,
+but stern duty tied him to his Post, he said, and he sent me to Senator D.,
+and he _did_ cry onto his handkerchief, he wanted to do the errents so
+bad, and said it would be such a good thing to have 'em done. He bust right
+into tears as he said he had to refuse to do 'em. Whether they wuz wet
+tears or dry ones I couldn't tell, his handkerchief wuz so big, but I hearn
+his sithes, and they wuz deep and powerful ones.
+
+But as I sez to him, "Wet tears, nor dry ones, nor windy sithes didn't help
+do the errents." So I went on his sobbin' advice to Senator E., and he wuz
+huffy and didn't want to do 'em and said so. And said his wife had thirteen
+children, and wimmen instead of votin' ort to go and do likewise.
+
+And I told him it wouldn't look well in onmarried wimmen and widders, and
+if they should foller her example folks would talk.
+
+And he said, "They ort to marry."
+
+And I said, "As the fashion is now, wimmen had to wait for some man to ask
+'em, and if they didn't come up to the mark and ask 'em, who wuz to blame?"
+
+He wouldn't answer, and looked sulky, but honest, and wouldn't tell me who
+to go to to git the errents done.
+
+But jest outside his door I met the Senator I had left sobbin' over the
+errents. He looked real hilarious, but drawed his face down when he ketched
+my eye, and sithed several times, and sent me to Senator F. and he sent me
+to Senator G.
+
+And suffice it to say I wuz sent round, and talked to, and cried at, and
+sulked to, and smiled at and scowled at, and encouraged and discouraged,
+'till my head swum and my knees wobbled under me. And with all my efforts
+and outlay of oratory and shue leather not one of Serepta Pester's errents
+could I git done, and no hopes held out of their ever bein' done. And about
+the middle of the afternoon I gin up, there wuz no use in tryin' any longer
+and I turned my weary tracks towards the outside door. But as bad as I
+felt, I couldn't help my sperit bein' lifted up some by the grandeur about
+me.
+
+Oh, my land! to stand in the immense hall and look up, and up, and see all
+the colors of the rain-bow and see what wonderful pictures there wuz up
+there in the sky above me as it were. Why, it seemed curiouser than any
+Northern lights I ever see in my life, and they stream up dretful curious
+sometimes. And as I walked through that lofty and most beautiful place and
+realized the size and majestic proportions of the buildin' I wondered to
+myself that a small law, a little unjust law could ever be passed in such
+grand and magnificent surroundin's. And I sez to myself, it can't be the
+fault of the place anyway; the law-makers have a chance for their souls
+to soar if they want to, here is room and to spare to pass laws big as
+elephants and camels, and I wondered that they should ever try to pass laws
+as small as muskeeters and nats. Thinkses I, I wonder them little laws
+don't git to strollin' round and git lost in them magnificent corridors.
+But I consoled myself, thinkin' it wouldn't be no great loss if they did.
+But right here, as I wuz thinkin' on these deep and lofty subjects, I met
+the good natured young chap that had showed me round and he sez:
+
+"You look fatigued, mom." (Soarin' even to yourself is tuckerin'.) "You
+look very fatigued; won't you take something?"
+
+I looked at him with a curious silent sort of a look; for I didn't know
+what he meant. Agin he looked clost at me and sort o' pityin'; and sez he,
+"You look tired out, mom. Won't you take something? Let me treat you to
+something; what will you take, mom?"
+
+I thought he wuz actin' dretful liberal, but I knew they had strange ways
+in Washington anyway. And I didn't know but it wuz their way to make some
+present to every woman that comes there, and I didn't want to act awkward
+and out of style, so I sez:
+
+"I don't want to take anything, and don't see any reason why you should
+insist on't. But if I have got to take sunthin' I had jest as soon have a
+few yards of factory cloth as anything. That always comes handy."
+
+I thought that if he wuz determined to treat me to show his good feelin's
+towards me, I would git sunthin' useful and that would do me some good,
+else what wuz the good of bein' treated? And I thought that if I had got to
+take a present from a strange man, I would make a shirt for Josiah out of
+it. I thought that would save jealousy and make it right so fur as goodness
+went.
+
+"But," sez he, "I mean beer or wine or liquor of some kind."
+
+I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him.
+
+Sez he, "There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin'."
+
+Sez I in awful axents, "It is very appropriate to have it here handy!" Sez
+I, "Liquor duz more towards makin' the laws of the United States from
+Caucus to Convention than anything else duz, and it is highly proper to
+have it here so they can soak the laws in it right off before they lay 'em
+onto the table or under 'em, or pass 'em onto the people. It is highly
+appropriate," sez I.
+
+"Yes," sez he. "It is very handy for the Senators and Congressmen, and let
+me get you a glass."
+
+"No, you won't!" sez I firmly. "The nation suffers enough from that room
+now without havin' Josiah Allen's wife let in."
+
+Sez he, "If you have any feeling of delicacy in goin' in there, let me make
+some wine here. I will get a glass of water and make you some pure grape
+wine, or French brandy, or corn or rye whiskey. I have all the drugs right
+here." And he took a little box out of his pocket. "My father is a importer
+of rare old wines, and I know just how it is done. I have 'em all here,
+Capsicum, Coculus Indicus, alum, copperas, strychnine; I will make some of
+the choicest, oldest, and purest imported liquors we have in the country,
+in five minutes if you say so."
+
+"No!" sez I firmly, "when I want to foller Cleopatra's fashion and commit
+suicide, I will hire a rattlesnake and take my pizen as she did, on the
+outside."
+
+Well, I got back to Hiram Cagwin's tired as a dog, and Serepta's errents
+ondone. But my conscience opholded me and told me I had done my very best,
+and man or woman can do no more.
+
+Well, the next day but one wuz the big outdoor suffrage meetin'. And we sot
+off in good season, Hiram feelin' well enough to be left with the hired
+help. Polly started before we did with some of her college mates, lookin'
+pretty as a pink with a red rose pinned over a achin' heart, so I spoze,
+for she loved the young man who wuz out with another girl May-flowering.
+Burnin' zeal and lofty principle can't take the place in a woman's heart of
+love and domestic happiness, and men needn't be afraid it will. There is no
+more danger on't than there is of a settin' hen wantin' to leave her nest
+to be a commercial traveler. Nature has made laws for wimmen and hens that
+no ballot, male or female, can upset.
+
+Josiah and Lorinda and I went in the trolley in good season, so's to git a
+sightly place, Lorinda protestin' all the time aginst the indelicacy and
+impropriety of wimmen's appearin' in outdoor meetin's, forgittin', I spose,
+the dense procession of wimmen that fills the avenues every day, follerin'
+Fashion and Display. As nigh as I could make out the impropriety consisted
+in wimmen's follerin' after Justice and Right.
+
+Josiah's face looked dubersome. I guess he wuz worryin' over his offer to
+represent me, and thinkin' of Aunt Susan and the twins.
+
+But as it turned out I met Diantha while Josiah wuz in a shop buyin' some
+peppermint lozengers, and she said her niece had come from the West, and
+they got along all right. So that lifted my burden. But I thought best not
+to tell Josiah, as he wuz so bound to represent me. I thought it wouldn't
+do any hurt to let him think it over about the job a man took on himself
+when he sot out to represent a woman. They wouldn't like it in lots of
+ways, as willin' as they seem to be in print.
+
+Wimmen go through lots of things calm and patient that would make a man
+flinch and shy off like a balky horse, and visey versey. I wouldn't want
+to represent Josiah lots of times, breakin' colts, ploughin' greensward,
+cuttin' cord-wood etc., etc. Men and wimmen want equal legal rights to
+represent themselves and their own sex which are different, and always must
+be, and both sexes don't want to be hampered and sot down on by the other
+one. That is gauldin' to human nater, male or female.
+
+We got a good place nigh the speakers' stand, and we hadn't stood there
+long before the parade hove in sight, the yeller banners streamin' out like
+sunshine on a rainy day, police outriders, music, etc.
+
+More than a hundred automobiles led the parade and five times as many
+wimmen walkin' afoot. A big grand-stand with the lady speakers and
+their friends on it, all dressed pretty as pinks. For the old idee that
+suffragists don't care for attractive dress and domestic life wuz exploded
+long ago, and many other old superstitions went up in the blaze.
+
+Those of us who have gray hair can remember when if a man spoke favorably
+of women's rights the sarcastic question was asked him: "How old is Susan
+B. Anthony?"
+
+And this fine wit and cuttin' ridicule would silence argument and quench
+the spirit of the upholder.
+
+But the world moves. Susan's memory is beloved and revered, and the
+contemptious ridicule of the onthinkin' and ignorant only nourished the
+laurels the world lays on her tomb.
+
+At that time accordin' to popular opinion a suffragist wuz a slatternly
+woman with uncombed locks, dangling shoe strings, and bloomers, stridin'
+through an unswept house onmindful of dirty children or hungry husband, but
+the world moves onward and public opinion with it. Suffragists are the best
+mothers, the best housekeepers, the best dressers of any wimmen in the
+land. Search the records and you'll find it so, and why?
+
+Because they know sunthin', it takes common sense to make a gooseberry
+pie as it ort to be. And the more a woman knows and the more justice she
+demands, the better for her husband. The same sperit that rebels at tyranny
+and injustice rebels at dirt, disorder, discomfort, and all unpleasant
+conditions.
+
+I looked ahead with my mind's eye and see them pretty college girls settled
+down in pleasant homes of their own, where sanitary laws prevailed,
+where the babies wuzn't fed pickles and cabbage, and kep' in air-tight
+enclosures. Where the husbands did not have to go outside their own homes
+to find cheer and comfort, and intelligent conversation, and where Love and
+Common Sense walked hand in hand toward Happiness and Contentment, Justice,
+with her blinders offen her eyes, goin' ahead on 'em. I never liked the
+idee of Justice wearin' them bandages over her eyes. She ort to have both
+eyes open; if anybody ever needed good eyesight she duz, to choose the
+straight and narrer road, lookin' backward to see the mistakes she has made
+in the past, so's to shun 'em in the future, and lookin' all round her in
+the present to see where she can help matters, and lookin' fur off in the
+future to the bright dawn of a Tomorrow. To the shinin' mount of Equal
+Rights and full Liberty. Where she sees men and wimmen standin' side by
+side with no halters or hamperin' hitchin' straps on either on 'em. He more
+gentle and considerate, and she less cowardly and emotional.
+
+Good land! what could Justice do blind in one eye and wimmen on the blind
+side? But good sensible wimmen are reachin' up and pullin' the bandages
+offen her eyes. She's in a fair way to git her eyesight. But I'm
+eppisodin', and to resoom forward.
+
+
+
+
+VIII
+
+"OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"
+
+
+There wuz some pleasant talkin' and jokin' between bystanders and
+suffragettes, and then some good natured but keen and sensible speeches.
+And one pretty speaker told about the doin's at Albany and Washington. How
+women's respectful pleas for justice are treated there. How the law-makers,
+born and nussed by wimmen and dependent on 'em for comfort and happiness,
+use the wimmen's tax money to help make laws makin' her of no legal
+importance only as helpless figgers to hang taxation and punishment on.
+
+Old Mom Nater had been listenin' clost, her sky-blue eyes shinin' with joy
+to see her own sect present such a noble appearance in the parade. But
+when these insults and indignities wuz brung up to her mind agin and she
+realized afresh how wimmen couldn't git no more rights accorded to her than
+a dog or a hen, and worse. For a hen or a dog wouldn't be taxed to raise
+money for turkle soup and shampain to nourish the law-makers whilst they
+made the laws agin 'em--Mom Nater's eyes clouded over with indignation and
+resentment, and she boo-hooed right out a-cryin'. Helpless tears, of no
+more account than other females have shed, and will, as they set on their
+hard benches with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.
+
+Of course she wiped up her tears pretty soon, not willin' to lose any of
+the wimmen's bright speeches. But when her tear-drops fell fast, Josiah sez
+to me, "You'll see them wimmen run like hikers now, wimmen always thought
+more of shiffon and fol-de-rols than they did of principle."
+
+But I sez, "Wait and see," (we wuz under a awnin' and protected).
+
+But the young and pretty speaker who wore a light silk dress and exquisite
+bunnet, kep' right on talkin' jest as calmly as if she didn't know her
+pretty dress wuz bein' spilte and her bunnet gittin' wet as sop, and I sez
+to Josiah:
+
+"When wimmen are so in earnest, and want anything so much they can stand
+soakin' in their best dresses, and let their Sunday bunnets be spilte on
+their heads, not noticin' 'em seemin'ly, but keep right on pleadin' for
+right and justice, they are in a fair way of gittin' what they are after."
+
+He looked kinder meachin' but didn't dispute me.
+
+The speeches wuz beautiful and convincin', and pretty soon old Mom Nater
+stopped cryin' to hear 'em, and she and I both listened full of joy and
+happiness to see with what eloquence and justice our sect wuz pleadin' our
+cause. Their arguments wuz so reasonable and convincin' that I said to
+myself, I don't see how anybody can help bein' converted to this righteous
+cause, the liftin' up of wimmen from her uncomfortable crouchin' poster
+with criminals and idiots, up to the place she should occupy by the side
+of other good citizens of the United States, with all the legal and moral
+rights that go with that noble title.
+
+And right whilst I wuz thinkin' this, sunthin' wuz happenin' that proved
+I wuz right in my eppisodin', and somebody awful sot agin it wuz bein'
+converted then and there (but of this more anon and bom-bye). We stayed
+till we heard the last word of the last speech, I happy and proud in
+sperit, Lorinda partly converted, she couldn't help it, though she wouldn't
+own up to it at that juncter. And Josiah lookin' real deprested, the
+thought of representin' me wuz worryin' him I knew, for I hearn him say
+(soty vosy), "Represent wimmen or not, I hain't goin' to set up all night
+with no old woman, and lift her round, nor dry nuss no twins."
+
+And thinkin' his sperit wuz pierced to a sufficient depth by his
+apprehension, so reason could be planted and take root, and he wouldn't be
+so anxious in the future to represent a woman, I told him what Diantha said
+and we all went home in good sperits. The sun shone clear, the rain had
+washed the face of the Earth till it shone, and everything looked gay and
+joyous.
+
+When we got to Lorinda's we see a auto standin' in front of the door full
+of flowery branches in front and the pink posies lookin' no more bright and
+rosy than the faces of the two young folks settin' there. It wuz Polly and
+Royal.
+
+It seemed that when he and Maud got back from the country (and they didn't
+stay long, Royal wuz so restless and oneasy) Maud insisted on his takin'
+her to the suffrage meetin' jest to make fun on't, so I spoze. She thought
+she had rubbed out Polly's image and made a impression herself on Royal's
+heart that only needed stompin' in a little deeper, and she thought
+ridicule would be the stomper she needed.
+
+But when they got to the meetin' and he see Polly settin' like a lily
+amongst flowers, and read in her lovely face the earnest desire to lift the
+burden from the heavy laden, comfort the sorrowful, right the wrong, and do
+what she could in her day and generation--
+
+I spoze his eyes could only see her sweet face. But he couldn't help his
+ears from hearin' the reasonable, eloquent words of earnest and womanly
+wimmen, so full of good sense and truth and justice that no reasonable
+person could dispute 'em, and when he contrasted all this with the sneerin'
+face, the sarcastic egotistic prattle of Maud, the veil dropped from his
+eyes, and he see with the New Vision.
+
+You know how it wuz with Saul the Scoffer who went breathin' out vengeance,
+and Eternal Right stopped him on his way with its great light. Well, I
+spoze it wuz a bright ray from that same light that shone down into Royal's
+heart and made him see. He wuz always good hearted and generous--men have
+always been better than the laws they have made. He left Maud at her home
+not fur away and hastened back, way-laid Polly, and bore her home in
+triumph and a thirty-horse-power car.
+
+It don't make much difference I spoze how or where anybody is converted.
+The Bible speaks of some bein' ketched out of the fire, and I spoze it is
+about the same if they are ketched out of the rain. 'Tennyrate the same
+rain that washed some of the color off Maud's cheeks, seemed to wash away
+the blindin' mist of prejudice and antagonism from Royal's mental vision,
+leavin' his sperit ready for the great white light of truth and justice
+to strike in. And that very day and hour he come round to Polly's way of
+thinkin', and bein' smart as a whip and so rich, I suppose he will be a
+great accusation to the cause.
+
+Well, the next day but one the Allens met in a pleasant grove on the river
+shore and we had a good growin' time. Royal bein' as you may say one of the
+family, took us all to the grove in his big tourin' car, and the fourth
+trip he took Polly alone, and wuzn't it queer that, though the load wuz fur
+lighter, it took him three times as long as the other three trips together?
+Why, they never got there till dinner wuz on the table, and then they
+didn't seem to care a mite about the extra good food.
+
+But I made allowances, for as I looked into their glowin' faces I knowed
+they wuz partakin' of fruit from the full branches of first love, true
+love. Rich fruit that gives the divinest satisfaction of any this old earth
+affords. Food that never changes through the centuries, though fashion
+often changes, and riotous plenty or food famine may exalt or depress the
+sperit of the householder. Nothin' but time has any power over this divine
+fruitage. He gradually, as the light of the honeymoon wanes, whets his old
+scythe and mows down some of the luxuriant branches, either cuttin' a full
+swath, or one at a time, and the blessed consumers have to come down to the
+ordinary food of mortals. But this wuz still fur away from them.
+
+And I knowed too that the ordinary food of ordinary mortals partook of
+under the full harvest moon of domestic comfort and contentment wuz not to
+be despised, though fur different. And the light fur different from the
+glow and the glamour that wropped them two together and all the rest of the
+world away from 'em.
+
+But I'm eppisodin' too much, and to resoom forward.
+
+As I said, we had a happy growin' time at the Reunion, Josiah bein' in fine
+feather to see the relation on his side presentin' such a noble appearance.
+And like a good wife I sympathized with him in his pride and happiness,
+though I told him they didn't present any better appearance than the same
+number of Smiths would. And their cookin', though excellent, wuz no better
+than the Smiths could cook if they sot out to.
+
+He bein' so good natered didn't dispute me outright, but said he thought
+the Allens made better nut-cakes than the Smiths.
+
+But they don't, no such thing. In fact I think the Smith nut-cakes are
+lighter and have a more artistic twist to 'em and don't devour so much fat
+a-fryin'.
+
+But I'd hate to set Josiah down to any better vittles. I d'no as I would
+dast let him loose at the table at a Smith reunion, for he eat fur too much
+as it wuz. I had to give him five pepsin lozengers and some pepper tea. And
+then I looked out all night for night mairs to ride on his chist. But he
+come through it alive though with considerable pain.
+
+We stayed two or three days longer with Lorinda, and then she and Hiram
+went part way with us as we visited our way home. We've got relations
+livin' all along the river that we owed visits to. And we went to see a
+number of 'em and enjoyed our four selves first rate. These things all took
+place more than a year ago and another man sets in the high chair, before
+which I laid Serepta's errents, a man not so hefty mebby weighed by common
+steelyards, but one of noble weight judged by mental and moral scales.
+
+I d'no whether I'd had any better luck if I'd presented Serepta's errents
+to him. Sometimes when I look in the kind eyes of his picter, and read his
+noble and eloquent words that I believe come from his very soul, I think
+mebby I'd been more lucky if he'd sot in the chair that day. But then I
+d'no, there are so many influences and hendrances planted like thorns in
+the cushion of that chair that a man, no matter how earnest he strives to
+do jest right, can't help bein' pricked by 'em and held back. And I know he
+could never done them errents in the time she sot, but I'm in hopes he'll
+throw his powerful influence jest as fur as he can on the side of right,
+and justice to all the citizens of the U.S., wimmen as well as men.
+
+'Tennyrate, he has showed more heroism now than many soldiers who risk life
+on the battle field. For the worst foe to fight and conquer is Ridicule;
+and he and others in high places have attackted Fashion so entrenched in
+the solid armour of Habit that most public men wouldn't have dasted to take
+arms agin it.
+
+And the long waves of Time must swash up agin the shores of Eternity,
+before the good it has done can be estimated. How fur the influence has
+extended. How many weak wills been strengthened. How many broken hearts
+healed. How many young lives inspired to nobler and saner living.
+
+But to resoom forward, I can't nor won't carry them errents of Serepta's
+there again. It is too wearin' for one of my age and my rheumatiz. What a
+tedious time I did put in there. It wuz a day long to be remembered by me.
+
+
+
+
+IX
+
+THE WOMEN'S PARADE
+
+
+Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He'd took off a
+big crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he'd sent to New
+York, an' he sez to me:
+
+"That consarned Middleman is cheatin' me the worst kind. I know the yaller
+Plymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor'n the white Leghorns; they're bigger
+and it stands to reason they're worth more, and he don't give nigh so much.
+I believe he eats 'em himself and that's why he wants to git 'em cheaper."
+
+"No Middleman," sez I, "could eat fifty dozen a week."
+
+"He could if he eat enough at one time. 'Tennyrate, I'm goin' to New York
+to see about it."
+
+"When are you goin'?" sez I.
+
+"I'm goin' to-morrow mornin'. I'm goin' in onexpected and I lay out to
+catch him devourin' them big eggs himself."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez I. "The idee!"
+
+"Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry. Don't
+you remember what one on 'em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and what he writ
+back? He'd sent a great load of potatoes to him and he didn't get hardly
+anything for 'em, only their big bill for sellin' 'em. They charged him for
+freightage, carage, storage, porterage, weightage, and to make their bill
+longer, they put in _ratage_ and _satage_.
+
+"Uncle Sime writ back 'You infarnel thief, you, put in "stealage" and keep
+the whole on't.'"
+
+But I sez, "They're not all dishonest. There are good men among 'em as well
+as bad."
+
+"Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for
+'ratage' and 'satage' I'm goin' to see what they are, and how they look."
+
+"Well," sez I, "if you're bound to go, I'll get up and get a good breakfast
+and go with you." It was the day of the Woman's Suffrage Parade and I
+wanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog, and had ever since I hearn of it.
+Though some of the Jonesvillians felt different. The Creation Searchin'
+Society wuz dretful exercised about it. The President's stepma is a strong
+She Aunty and has always ruled Philander with an iron hand. I've always
+noticed that women who didn't want any rights always took the right to have
+their own way. But 'tennyrate Philander come up a very strong He Aunty.
+And he felt that the Creation Searchers ort to go to New York that day to
+assist the Aunties in sneerin' at the marchers, writin' up the parade,
+and helpin' count 'em. Philander wuz always good at figures, specially at
+subtraction, and he and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help.
+
+I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn't need no help at that.
+
+But Philander called a meetin' of the Creation Searchers to make
+arrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin' wuz a
+powerful effort. And the members most all on 'em believin' as he did--they
+said it wuz a dretful interestin' meetin'. Sunthin' like a love feast, only
+more wrought up and excitin'.
+
+The editor of the _Auger_ printed the whole thing in his paper, and
+said it give a staggerin' blow agin Woman's Suffrage, and he didn't know
+but it wuz a death blow--he hoped it wuz.
+
+"A Woman's Parade," sez Philander, "is the most abominable sight ever seen
+on our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed up in fine clothes
+standin' up on her feet, and paradin' herself before strange men. Oh! how
+bold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder," says he, "the She Aunties are shocked
+at the sight, and say they marched to attract the attention of men. Why
+can't women stay to home and set down and knit? And then men would love
+'em. But if they keep on with these bold, forward actions, men won't love
+'em, and they will find out so. And it has always been, and is now, man's
+greatest desire and chiefest aim he has aimed at, to protect women, to
+throw the shinin' mantilly of his constant devotion about her delikit form
+and shield her and guard her like the very apples in his eyes.
+
+"Woman is too sweet and tender a flower to have any such hardship put upon
+her, and it almost crazes a man, and makes him temporarily out of his head,
+to see women do anything to hazard that inheriant delicacy of hern, that
+always appealed so to the male man.
+
+"Let us go forth, clad in our principles (and ordinary clothing, of
+course), and show just where we stand on the woman question, and do all we
+can to assist the gentle feminine She Aunties. Lovely, retirin' females
+whose pictures we so often see gracin' the sensational newspapers. Their
+white womanly neck and shoulders, glitterin' with jewels, no brighter than
+their eyes. They don't appear there for sex appeal, or to win admiration.
+No indeed! No doubt they shrink from the publicity. And also shrink from
+making speeches in the Senate chambers or the halls of Justice, but will do
+so, angelic martyrs that they are, to hold their erring Suffrage sisters
+back from their brazen efforts at publicity and public speakin'."
+
+They said his speech wuz cheered wildly, give out for publication, and
+entered into the moments of the Society.
+
+But after all, it happened real curious the day of the Parade every leadin'
+Creation Searcher had some impediment in his way, and couldn't go, and of
+course, the Society didn't want to go without its leaders.
+
+Mis' Philander Daggett, the president's wife, wuz paperin' her settin' room
+and parlor overhead. She wuz expectin' company and couldn't put it off.
+And bein' jest married, and thinkin' the world of her, Philander said he
+dassent leave home for fear she'd fall offen the barrel and break her neck.
+She had a board laid acrost two barrels to stand up on. And every day
+Philander would leave his outside work and come into the house, and set
+round and watch her--he thought so much of her. I suppose he wanted to
+catch her if she fell. But I didn't think she would fall. She is young and
+tuff, and she papered it real good, though it wuz dretful hard on her arm
+sockets and back.
+
+And the Secretary's wife wuz puttin' in a piece of onions. She thought she
+would make considerable by it, and she will, if onions keep up. But it is
+turrible hard on a woman's back to weed 'em. But she is ambitious; she
+raised a flock of fifty-six turkeys last year besides doin' her house
+work, and makin' seventy-five yards of rag carpet. And she thought onions
+wouldn't be so wearin' on her as turkeys, for onions, she said, will stay
+where they are put, but turkeys are born wanderers and hikers. And they led
+her through sun and rain, swamp and swale, uphill and downhill, a-chasin'
+'em up, but she made well by 'em. Well, in puttin' in her onion seed, she
+overworked herself and got a crick in her back, so she couldn't stir hand
+nor foot for two days. And bein' only just them two, her husband had to
+stay home to see to things.
+
+And the Treasurer's wife is canvassin' for the life of William J. Bryan.
+And wantin' to make all she could, she took a longer tramp than common, and
+didn't hear of the Parade or meetin' of the C.S.S. at all. She writ home
+a day or two before the meetin', that she wuz goin' as long as her legs
+held out, and they needn't write to her, for she didn't know where she
+would be.
+
+Well, of course, the Creation Searchers didn't want to go without their
+officers. They said they couldn't make no show if they did. So they give up
+goin'. But I spoze they made fun of the Woman's Parade amongst theirselves,
+and mourned over their indelikit onwomanly actions, and worried about it
+bein' too hard for 'em, and sneered at 'em considerable.
+
+Well, Josiah always loves to have me with him, an' though he'd made light
+of the Parade, he didn't object to my goin'. And suffice it to say that we
+arrove at that Middleman's safe and sound, though why we didn't git lost in
+that grand immense depo and wander 'round there all day like babes in the
+woods, is more'n I can tell.
+
+The Middleman wuzn't dishonest: he convinced Josiah on it. He had shipped
+the colored eggs somewhere, and of course he couldn't pay as much, and he
+never had hearn of _Ratage_ or _Satage_. He wuz a real pleasant
+Middleman, and hearing me say how much I wanted to see the Woman's Parade,
+he invited us to go upstairs and set by a winder, where there was a good
+view on't. We'd eat our lunch on the train and we accepted his invitation,
+and sot down by a winder then and there, though it wuz a hour or so before
+the time sot for the Parade. And I should have taken solid comfort watchin'
+the endless procession of men and women and vehicles of all sorts and
+descriptions, but Josiah made so many slightin' remarks on the dress of
+the females passin' below on the sidewalk, that it made me feel bad. And
+to tell the truth, though I didn't think best to own up to it to him, I
+_did_ blush for my sect to see the way some on 'em rigged themselves
+out.
+
+"See that thing!" Josiah sez, as a woman passed by with her hat drawed down
+over one eye, and a long quill standin' out straight behind more'n a foot,
+an' her dress puckered in so 'round the bottom, she couldn't have took a
+long step if a mad dog wuz chasin' her--to say nothin' of bein' perched up
+on such high heels, that she fairly tottled when she walked.
+
+Sez Josiah: "Does that _thing_ know enough to vote?"
+
+"No," sez I, reasonably, "she don't. But most probable if she had bigger
+things to think about she'd loosen the puckerin' strings 'round her ankles,
+push her hat back out of her eyes, an' get down on her feet again."
+
+"Why, Samantha," says he, "if you had on one of them skirts tied 'round
+your ankles, if I wuz a-dyin' on the upper shelf in the buttery, you
+couldn't step up on a chair to get to me to save your life, an' I'd have
+to die there alone."
+
+"Why should you be dyin' on the buttery shelf, Josiah?" sez I.
+
+"Oh, that wuz jest a figger of speech, Samantha."
+
+"But folks ort to be mejum in figgers of speech, Josiah, and not go too
+fur."
+
+"Do you think, Samantha, that anybody can go too fur in describin' them
+fool skirts, and them slit skirts, and the immodesty and indecensy of some
+of them dresses?"
+
+[Illustration: "Sez Josiah, 'Does that thing know enough to vote?'"]
+
+"I don't know as they can," sez I, sadly.
+
+"Jest look at that thing," sez he again.
+
+And as I looked, the hot blush of shame mantillied my cheeks, for I felt
+that my sect was disgraced by the sight. She wuz real pretty, but she
+didn't have much of any clothes on, and what she did wear wuzn't in the
+right place; not at all.
+
+Sez Josiah, "That girl would look much more modest and decent if she wuz
+naked, for then she might be took for a statute."
+
+And I sez, "I don't blame the good Priest for sendin' them away from the
+Lord's table, sayin', 'I will give no communion to a Jezabel.' And the pity
+of it is," sez I, "lots of them girls are innocent and don't realize what
+construction will be put on the dress they blindly copy from some furrin
+fashion plate."
+
+Then quite an old woman passed by, also robed or disrobed in the prevailin'
+fashion, and Josiah sez, soty vosy, "I should think she wuz old enough to
+know sunthin'. Who wants to see her old bones?" And he sez to me, real
+uppish, "Do you think them things know enough to vote?"
+
+But jest then a young man went by dressed fashionably, but if he hadn't had
+the arm of a companion, he couldn't have walked a step; his face wuz red
+and swollen, and dissipated, and what expression wuz left in his face wuz a
+fool expression, and both had cigarettes in their mouths, and I sez, "Does
+_that_ thing know enough to vote?" And jest behind them come a lot
+of furrin laborers, rough and rowdy-lookin', with no more expression in
+their faces than a mule or any other animal. "Do _they_ know enough
+to vote?" sez I. "As for the fitness for votin' it is pretty even on both
+sides. Good intelligent men ortn't to lose the right of suffrage for the
+vice and ignorance of some of their sect, and that argument is jest as
+strong for the other sect."
+
+But before Josiah could reply, we hearn the sound of gay music, and the
+Parade began to march on before us. First a beautiful stately figure seated
+fearlessly on a dancin' horse, that tossted his head as if proud of the
+burden he wuz carryin'. She managed the prancin' steed with one hand,
+and with the other held aloft the flag of our country. Jest as women ort
+to, and have to. They have got to manage wayward pardners, children and
+domestics who, no matter how good they are, will take their bits in their
+mouths, and go sideways some of the time, but can be managed by a sensible,
+affectionate hand, and with her other hand at the same time she can carry
+her principles aloft, wavin' in every domestic breeze, frigid or torrid,
+plain to be seen by everybody.
+
+Then come the wives and relations of Senators and Congressmen, showin' that
+bein' right on the spot they knowed what wimmen needed. Then the wimmen
+voters from free Suffrage states, showin' by their noble looks that votin'
+hadn't hurt 'em any. They carried the most gorgeous banner in the whole
+Parade. Then the Wimmen's Political Union, showin' plain in their faces
+that understandin' the laws that govern her ain't goin' to keep woman from
+looking beautiful and attractive.
+
+On and on they come, gray-headed women and curly-headed children from
+every station in life: the millionairess by the working woman, and the
+fashionable society woman by the business one. Two women on horseback,
+and one blowin' a bugle, led the way for the carriage of Madam Antoinette
+Blackwell. I wonder if she ever dreamed when she wuz tryin' to climb the
+hill of knowledge through the thorny path of sex persecution, that she
+would ever have a bugle blowed in front of her, to honor her for her
+efforts, and form a part of such a glorious Parade of the sect she give her
+youth and strength to free.
+
+How they swept on, borne by the waves of music, heralded by wavin' banners
+of purple and white and gold, bearin' upliftin' and noble mottoes.
+Physicians, lawyers, nurses, authors, journalists, artists, social workers,
+dressmakers, milliners, women from furrin countries dressed in their quaint
+costumes, laundresses, clerks, shop girls, college girls, all bearin' the
+pennants and banners of their different colleges: Vassar, Wellesley, Smith,
+etc., etc. High-school pupils, Woman's Suffrage League, Woman's Social
+League, and all along the brilliant line each division dressed in beautiful
+costumes and carryin' their own gorgeous banners. And anon or oftener all
+along the long, long procession bands of music pealin' out high and sweet,
+as if the Spirit of Music, who is always depictered as a woman, was glad
+and proud to do honor to her own sect. And all through the Parade you could
+see every little while men on foot and on horseback, not a great many, but
+jest enough to show that the really noble men wuz on their side. For, as
+I've said more formally, that is one of the most convincin' arguments for
+Woman's Suffrage. In fact, it don't need any other. That bad men fight
+against Women's Suffrage with all their might.
+
+Down by the big marble library, the grand-stand wuz filled with men seated
+to see their wives march by on their road to Victory. I hearn and believe,
+they wuz a noble-lookin' set of men. They had seen their wives in the past
+chasin' Fashion and Amusement, and why shouldn't they enjoy seein' them
+follow Principle and Justice? Well, I might talk all day and not begin
+to tell of the beauty and splendor of the Woman's Parade. And the most
+impressive sight to me wuz to see how the leaven of individual right and
+justice had entered into all these different classes of society, and how
+their enthusiasm and earnestness must affect every beholder.
+
+And in my mind I drawed pictures of the different modes of our American
+women and our English sisters, each workin' for the same cause, but in what
+a different manner. Of course, our English sisters may have more reason for
+their militant doin's; more unjust laws regarding marriage--divorce, and
+care of children, and I can't blame them married females for wantin' to
+control their own money, specially if they earnt it by scrubbin' floors
+and washin'. I can't blame 'em for not wantin' their husbands to take
+that money from them and their children, specially if they're loafers and
+drunkards. And, of course, there are no men so noble and generous as our
+American men. But jest lookin' at the matter from the outside and comparin'
+the two, I wuz proud indeed of our Suffragists.
+
+While our English sisters feel it their duty to rip and tear, burn and
+pillage, to draw attention to their cause, and reach the gole (which
+I believe they have sot back for years) through the smoke and fire of
+carnage, our American Suffragettes employ the gentle, convincin' arts of
+beauty and reason. Some as the quiet golden sunshine draws out the flowers
+and fruit from the cold bosom of the earth. Mindin' their own business,
+antagonizin' and troublin' no one, they march along and show to every
+beholder jest how earnest they be. They quietly and efficiently answer that
+argument of the She Auntys, that women don't want to vote, by a parade two
+hours in length, of twenty thousand. They answer the argument that the
+ballot would render women careless in dress and reckless, by organizin'
+and carryin' on a parade so beautiful, so harmonious in color and design
+that it drew out enthusiastic praise from even the enemies of Suffrage.
+They quietly and without argument answered the old story that women was
+onbusiness-like and never on time, by startin' the Parade the very minute
+it was announced, which you can't always say of men's parades.
+
+It wuz a burnin' hot day, and many who'd always argued that women hadn't
+strength enough to lift a paper ballot, had prophesied that woman wuz too
+delicately organized, too "fraguile," as Betsy Bobbet would say, to endure
+the strain of the long march in the torrid atmosphere.
+
+But I told Josiah that women had walked daily over the burning plow shares
+of duty and domestic tribulation, till their feet had got calloused, and
+could stand more'n you'd think for.
+
+And he said he didn't know as females had any more burnin' plow shares to
+tread on than men had.
+
+And I sez, "I didn't say they had, Josiah. I never wanted women to get more
+praise or justice than men. I simply want 'em to get as much--just an even
+amount; for," sez I, solemnly, "'male and female created He them.'"
+
+Josiah is a deacon, and when I quote Scripture, he has to listen
+respectful, and I went on: "I guess it wuz a surprise even to the marchers
+that of all the ambulances that kept alongside the Parade to pick up faint
+and swoonin' females, the only one occupied wuz by a man."
+
+Josiah denied it, but I sez, "I see his boots stickin' out of the ambulance
+myself." Josiah couldn't dispute that, for he knows I am truthful. But he
+sez, sunthin' in the sperit of two little children I hearn disputin'. Sez
+one: "It wuzn't so; you've told a lie."
+
+"Well," sez the other, "You broke a piece of china and laid it to me."
+
+Sez Josiah, "You may have seen a pair of men's boots a-stickin' out of the
+ambulance, but I'll bet they didn't have heels on 'em a inch broad, and
+five or six inches high."
+
+"No, Josiah," sez I, "you're right. Men think too much of their comfort and
+health to hist themselves up on such little high tottlin' things, and you
+didn't see many on 'em in the Parade."
+
+But he went on drivin' the arrow of higher criticism still deeper into
+my onwillin' breast. "I'll bet you didn't see his legs tied together at
+the ankles, or his trouses slit up the sides to show gauze stockin's and
+anklets and diamond buckles. And you didn't see my sect who honored the
+Parade by marchin' in it, have a goose quill half a yard long, standin'
+up straight in the air from a coal-scuttle hat, or out sideways, a hejus
+sight, and threatenin' the eyes of friend and foe."
+
+"And you didn't see many on 'em in the Parade," sez I agin. "Women, as they
+march along to Victory, have got to drop some of these senseless things.
+In fact, they are droppin' em. You don't see waists now the size of a hour
+glass. It is gettin' fashionable to breathe now, and women on their way to
+their gole will drop by the way their high heels; it will git fashionable
+to walk comfortable, and as they've got to take some pretty long steps to
+reach the ballot in 1916, it stands to reason they've got to have a skirt
+wide enough at the bottom to step up on the gole of Victory. It is a high
+step, Josiah, but women are goin' to take it. They've always tended to
+cleanin' their own house, and makin' it comfortable and hygenic for its
+members, big and little. And when they turn their minds onto the best way
+to clean the National house both sects have to live in to make it clean
+and comfortable and safe for the weak and helpless as well as for the
+strong--it stands to reason they won't have time or inclination to stand up
+on stilts with tied-in ankles, quilled out like savages."
+
+"Well," said Josiah, with a dark, forebodin' look on his linement, "_we
+shall see_."
+
+"Yes," sez I, with a real radiant look into the future. "_We shall
+see_, Josiah."
+
+But he didn't have no idea of the beautiful prophetic vision I beheld
+with the eyes of my sperit. Good men and good women, each fillin' their
+different spears in life, but banded together for the overthrow of evil,
+the uplift of the race.
+
+
+
+
+X
+
+"THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"
+
+
+It was only a few days after we got home from New York that Josiah come
+into the house dretful excited. He'd had a invitation to attend a meetin'
+of the Creation Searchin' Society.
+
+"Why," sez I, "did they invite you? You are not a member?"
+
+"No," sez he, "but they want me to help 'em be indignant. It is a
+indignation meetin'."
+
+"Indignant about what?" I sez.
+
+"Fur be it from me, Samantha, to muddle up your head and hurt your feelin's
+by tellin' you what it's fur." And he went out quick and shet the door. But
+I got a splendid dinner and afterwards he told me of his own accord.
+
+I am not a member, of course, for the president, Philander Daggett, said it
+would lower the prestige of the society in the eyes of the world to have
+even one female member. This meetin' wuz called last week for the purpose
+of bein' indignant over the militant doin's of the English Suffragettes.
+Josiah and several others in Jonesville wuz invited to be present at this
+meetin' as sort of honorary members, as they wuz competent to be jest as
+indignant as any other male men over the tribulations of their sect.
+
+Josiah said so much about the meetin', and his Honorary Indignation, that
+he got me curious, and wantin' to go myself, to see how it wuz carried on.
+But I didn't have no hopes on't till Philander Daggett's new young wife
+come to visit me and I told her how much I wanted to go, and she bein' real
+good-natered said she would make Philander let me in.
+
+He objected, of course, but she is pretty and young, and his nater bein'
+kinder softened and sweetened by the honey of the honeymoon, she got round
+him. And he said that if we would set up in a corner of the gallery behind
+the melodeon, and keep our veils on, he would let her and me in. But we
+must keep it secret as the grave, for he would lose all the influence he
+had with the other members and be turned out of the Presidential chair if
+it wuz knowed that he had lifted wimmen up to such a hite, and gin 'em such
+a opportunity to feel as if they wuz equal to men.
+
+Well, we went early and Josiah left me to Philander's and went on to do
+some errents. He thought I wuz to spend the evenin' with her in becomin'
+seclusion, a-knittin' on his blue and white socks, as a woman should. But
+after visitin' a spell, jest after it got duskish, we went out the back
+door and went cross lots, and got there ensconced in the dark corner
+without anybody seein' us and before the meetin' begun.
+
+Philander opened the meetin' by readin' the moments of the last meetin',
+which wuz one of sympathy with the police of Washington for their noble
+efforts to break up the Woman's Parade, and after their almost Herculaneum
+labor to teach wimmen her proper place, and all the help they got from the
+hoodlum and slum elements, they had failed in a measure, and the wimmen,
+though stunned, insulted, spit on, struck, broken boneded, maimed, and tore
+to pieces, had succeeded in their disgustin' onwomanly undertakin'.
+
+But it wuz motioned and carried that a vote of thanks be sent 'em and
+recorded in the moments that the Creation Searchers had no blame but only
+sympathy and admiration for the hard worked Policemen for they had done all
+they could to protect wimmen's delicacy and retirin' modesty, and put her
+in her place, and no man in Washington or Jonesville could do more. He read
+these moments, in a real tender sympathizin' voice, and I spoze the members
+sympathized with him, or I judged so from their linements as I went
+forward, still as a mouse, and peeked down on 'em.
+
+He then stopped a minute and took a drink of water; I spoze his sympathetic
+emotions had het him up, and kinder dried his mouth, some. And then he went
+on to state that this meetin' wuz called to show to the world, abroad and
+nigh by, the burnin' indignation this body felt, as a society, at the
+turrible sufferin's and insults bein' heaped onto their male brethren
+in England by the indecent and disgraceful doin's of the militant
+Suffragettes, and to devise, if possible, some way to help their male
+brethren acrost the sea. "For," sez he, "pizen will spread. How do we know
+how soon them very wimmen who had to be spit on and struck and tore to
+pieces in Washington to try to make 'em keep their place, the sacred and
+tender place they have always held enthroned as angels in a man's heart--"
+
+Here he stopped and took out his bandanna handkerchief, and wiped his eyes,
+and kinder choked. But I knew it wuz all a orator's art, and it didn't
+affect me, though I see a number of the members wipe their eyes, for this
+talk appealed to the inheriant chivalry of men, and their desire to protect
+wimmen, we have always hearn so much about.
+
+"How do we know," he continued, "how soon they may turn aginst their best
+friends, them who actuated by the loftiest and tenderest emotions, and
+determination to protect the weaker sect at any cost, took their valuable
+time to try to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, _angels of the
+home_, who knows but they may turn and throw stuns at the Capitol an'
+badger an' torment our noble lawmakers, a-tryin' to make 'em listen to
+their silly petitions for justice?"
+
+In conclusion, he entreated 'em to remember that the eye of the world wuz
+on 'em, expectin' 'em to be loyal to the badgered and woman endangered sect
+abroad, and try to suggest some way to stop them woman's disgraceful
+doin's.
+
+Cyrenus Presly always loves to talk, and he always looks on the dark side
+of things, and he riz up and said "he didn't believe nothin' could be done,
+for by all he'd read about 'em, the men had tried everything possible to
+keep wimmen down where they ort to be, they had turned deaf ears to their
+complaints, wouldn't hear one word they said, they had tried drivin'
+and draggin' and insults of all kinds, and breakin' their bones, and
+imprisonment, and stuffin' 'em with rubber tubes, thrust through their nose
+down into their throats. And he couldn't think of a thing more that could
+be done by men, and keep the position men always had held as wimmen's
+gardeens and protectors, and he said he thought men might jest as well keep
+still and let 'em go on and bring the world to ruin, for that was what they
+wuz bound to do, and they couldn't be stopped unless they wuz killed off."
+
+Phileman Huffstater is a old bachelder, and hates wimmen. He had been on a
+drunk and looked dretful, tobacco juice runnin' down his face, his red hair
+all towsled up, and his clothes stiff with dirt. He wuzn't invited, but had
+come of his own accord. He had to hang onto the seat in front of him as he
+riz up and said:
+
+"He believed that wuz the best and only way out on't, for men to rise up
+and kill off the weaker sect, for their wuzn't never no trouble of any name
+or nater, but what wimmen wuz to the bottom on't, and the world would be
+better off without 'em." But Philander scorfed at him and reminded him that
+such hullsale doin's would put an end to the world's bein' populated at
+all.
+
+But Phileman said in a hicuppin', maudlin way that "the world had better
+stop, if there had got to be such doin's, wimmen risin' up on every side,
+and pretendin' to be equal with men."
+
+Here his knee jints kinder gin out under him, and he slid down onto the
+seat and went to sleep.
+
+I guess the members wuz kinder shamed of Phileman, for Lime Peedick jumped
+up quick as scat and said, "It seemed the Englishmen had tried most
+everything else, and he wondered how it would work if them militant wimmen
+could be ketched and a dose of sunthin' bitter and sickenin' poured down
+'em. Every time they broached that loathsome doctrine of equal rights, and
+tried to make lawmakers listen to their petitions, jest ketch 'em and pour
+down 'em a big dose of wormwood or sunthin' else bitter and sickenin', and
+he guessed they would git tired on't."
+
+But here Josiah jumped up quick and said, "he objected," he said, "that
+would endanger the right wimmen always had, and ort to have of cookin' good
+vittles for men and doin' their housework, and bearin' and bringin' up
+their children, and makin' and mendin' and waitin' on 'em. He said nothin'
+short of a Gatlin gun could keep Samantha from speakin' her mind about such
+things, and he wuzn't willin' to have her made sick to the stomach, and
+incapacitated from cookin' by any such proceedin's."
+
+The members argued quite awhile on this pint, but finally come round to
+Josiah's idees, and the meetin' for a few minutes seemed to come to a
+standstill, till old Cornelius Snyder got up slowly and feebly. He has
+spazzums and can't hardly wobble. His wife has to support him, wash and
+dress him, and take care on him like a baby. But he has the use of his
+tongue, and he got some man to bring him there, and he leaned heavy on his
+cane, and kinder stiddied himself on it and offered this suggestion:
+
+"How would it do to tie females up when they got to thinkin' they wuz equal
+to men, halter 'em, rope 'em, and let 'em see if they wuz?"
+
+But this idee wuz objected to for the same reason Josiah had advanced, as
+Philander well said, "wimmen had got to go foot loose in order to do the
+housework and cookin'."
+
+Uncle Sime Bentley, who wuz awful indignant, said, "I motion that men shall
+take away all the rights that wimmen have now, turn 'em out of the meetin'
+house, and grange."
+
+But before he'd hardly got the words out of his mouth, seven of the members
+riz up and as many as five spoke out to once with different exclamations:
+
+"That won't do! we can't do that! Who'll do all the work! Who'll git up
+grange banquets and rummage sales, and paper and paint and put down carpets
+in the meetin' house, and git up socials and entertainments to help pay the
+minister's salary, and carry on the Sunday School? and tend to its picnics
+and suppers, and take care of the children? We can't do this, much as we'd
+love to."
+
+One horsey, sporty member, also under the influence of liquor, riz up, and
+made a feeble motion, "Spozin' we give wimmen liberty enough to work, leave
+'em hand and foot loose, and sort o' muzzle 'em so they can't talk."
+
+This seemed to be very favorably received, 'specially by the married
+members, and the secretary wuz jest about to record it in the moments as
+a scheme worth tryin', when old Doctor Nugent got up, and sez in a firm,
+decided way:
+
+"Wimmen cannot be kept from talking without endangerin' her life; as a
+medical expert I object to this motion."
+
+"How would you put the objection?" sez the secretary.
+
+"On the ground of cruelty to animals," sez the doctor.
+
+A fat Englishman who had took the widder Shelmadine's farm on shares, says,
+"I 'old with Brother Josiah Hallen's hargument. As the father of nine young
+children and thirty cows to milk with my wife's 'elp, I 'old she musn't be
+kep' from work, but h'I propose if we can't do anything else that a card
+of sympathy be sent to hold Hengland from the Creation Searchin' Society
+of America, tellin' 'em 'ow our 'earts bleeds for the men's sufferin' and
+'ardships in 'avin' to leave their hoccupations to beat and 'aul round and
+drive females to jails, and feed 'em with rubber hose through their noses
+to keep 'em from starvin' to death for what they call their principles."
+
+This motion wuz carried unanimously.
+
+But here an old man, who had jest dropped in and who wuz kinder deef and
+slow-witted, asked, "What it is about anyway? what do the wimmen ask for
+when they are pounded and jailed and starved?"
+
+Hank Yerden, whose wife is a Suffragist, and who is mistrusted to have a
+leanin' that way himself, answered him, "Oh, they wanted the lawmakers to
+read their petitions asking for the rights of ordinary citizens. They said
+as long as their property wuz taxed they had the right of representation.
+And as long as the law punished wimmen equally with men, they had a right
+to help make that law, and as long as men claimed wimmen's place wuz home,
+they wanted the right to guard that home. And as long as they brought
+children into the world they wanted the right to protect 'em. And when the
+lawmakers wouldn't hear a word they said, and beat 'em and drove 'em round
+and jailed 'em, they got mad as hens, and are actin' like furiation and
+wild cats. But claim that civil rights wuz never give to any class without
+warfare."
+
+"Heavens! what doin's!" sez old Zephaniah Beezum, "what is the world comin'
+to!" "Angle worms will be risin' up next and demandin' to not be trod on."
+Sez he, "I have studied the subject on every side, and I claim the best
+way to deal with them militant females is to banish 'em to some barren
+wilderness, some foreign desert where they can meditate on their crimes,
+and not bother men."
+
+This idee wuz received favorably by most of the members, but others
+differed and showed the weak p'ints in it, and it wuz gin up.
+
+Well, at ten P.M., the Creation Searchers gin up after arguin' pro and con,
+con and pro, that they could not see any way out of the matter, they could
+not tell what to do with the wimmen without danger and trouble to the male
+sect.
+
+They looked dretful dejected and onhappy as they come to this conclusion,
+my pardner looked as if he wuz most ready to bust out cryin'. And as I
+looked on his beloved linement I forgot everything else and onbeknown to me
+I leaned over the railin' and sez:
+
+"Here is sunthin' that no one has seemed to think on at home or abroad. How
+would it work to stop the trouble by givin' the wimmen the rights they ask
+for, the rights of any other citizen?"
+
+I don't spoze there will ever be such another commotion and upheaval in
+Jonesville till Michael blows his last trump as follered my speech. Knowin'
+wimmen wuz kep' from the meetin', some on 'em thought it wuz a voice from
+another spear. Them wuz the skairt and horrow struck ones, and them that
+thought it wuz a earthly woman's voice wuz so mad that they wuz by the side
+of themselves and carried on fearful. But when they searched the gallery
+for wimmen or ghosts, nothin' wuz found, for Philander's wife and I had
+scooted acrost lots and wuz to home a-knittin' before the men got there.
+
+And I d'no as anybody but Philander to this day knows what, or who it wuz.
+
+And I d'no as my idee will be follered, but I believe it is the best way
+out on't for men and wimmen both, and would stop the mad doin's of the
+English Suffragettes, which I don't approve of, no indeed! much as I
+sympathize with the justice of their cause.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha on the Woman Question, by Marietta Holley
+
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+Project Gutenberg's Samantha on the Woman Question, by Marietta Holley
+#2 in our series by Marietta Holley
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
+copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing
+this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
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+Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the
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+how the file may be used.  You can also find out about how to make a
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+**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
+
+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
+
+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
+
+
+Title: Samantha on the Woman Question
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Release Date: April, 2005 [EBook #7833]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on May 20, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA ON THE WOMAN QUESTION ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Eric Eldred, William Flis
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can
+blame Serepta for wantin' her rights."]
+
+
+                      SAMANTHA ON THE
+
+                      WOMAN QUESTION
+
+                            BY
+
+                      MARIETTA HOLLEY
+
+                   "Josiah Allen's Wife"
+
+                        Author of
+
+       "Samantha at Saratoga," "My Opinions" and
+                 "Betsey Bobbet's," etc.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+   I. "SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"
+
+  II. "THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"
+
+ III. "POLLY'S EYES GROWED TENDER"
+
+  IV. "STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"
+
+   V. "HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"
+
+  VI. "CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"
+
+ VII. "NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"
+
+VIII. "OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"
+
+  IX. THE WOMEN'S PARADE
+
+   X. "THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"AND I WONDER IF THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE LAND THAT CAN BLAME SEREPTA FOR
+WANTIN' HER RIGHTS" (p. 29). Frontispiece
+
+"I WANTED TO VISIT THE CAPITOL OF OUR COUNTRY.... SO WE LAID OUT TO GO"
+
+"HE'D ENTERED POLITICAL LIFE WHERE THE BIBLE WUZN'T POPULAR; HE'D NEVER
+READ FURTHER THAN GULLIVER'S EPISTLE TO THE LILIPUTIANS"
+
+"SEZ JOSIAH, 'DOES THAT THING KNOW ENOUGH TO VOTE?'"
+
+
+
+
+I
+
+"SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"
+
+
+Lorinda Cagwin invited Josiah and me to a reunion of the Allen family at
+her home nigh Washington, D.C., the birthplace of the first Allen we knowed
+anything about, and Josiah said:
+
+"Bein' one of the best lookin' and influential Allens on earth now, it
+would be expected on him to attend to it."
+
+And I fell in with the idee, partly to be done as I would be done by if
+it wuz the relation on my side, and partly because by goin' I could hit
+two birds with one stun, as the poet sez. Indeed, I could hit four on 'em.
+
+My own cousin, Diantha Trimble, lived in a city nigh Lorinda's and I had
+promised to visit her if I wuz ever nigh her, and help bear her burdens for
+a spell, of which burden more anon and bom-by.
+
+Diantha wuz one bird, the Reunion another, and the third bird I had in my
+mind's eye wuz the big outdoor meeting of the suffragists that wuz to be
+held in the city where Diantha lived, only a little ways from Lorinda's.
+
+And the fourth bird and the biggest one I wuz aimin' to hit from this tower
+of ourn wuz Washington, D.C. I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country,
+the center of our great civilization that stands like the sun in the solar
+system, sendin' out beams of power and wisdom and law and order, and
+justice and injustice, and money and oratory, and talk and talk, and wind
+and everything, to the uttermost points of our vast possessions, and from
+them clear to the ends of the earth. I wanted to see it, I wanted to like a
+dog. So we laid out to go.
+
+[Illustration: "I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country.... So we
+laid out to go."]
+
+Lorinda lived on the old Allen place, and I always sot store by her, and
+her girl, Polly, wuz, as Thomas J. said, a peach. She had spent one of her
+college vacations with us, and a sweeter, prettier, brighter girl I don't
+want to see. Her name is Pauline, but everybody calls her Polly.
+
+The Cagwins are rich, and Polly had every advantage money could give,
+and old Mom Nater gin her a lot of advantages money couldn't buy, beauty
+and intellect, a big generous heart and charm. And you know the Cagwins
+couldn't bought that at no price. Charm in a girl is like the perfume in a
+rose, and can't be bought or sold. And you can't handle or describe either
+on 'em exactly. But what a influence they have; how they lay holt of your
+heart and fancy.
+
+Royal Gray, the young man who wuz payin' attention to her, stopped once
+for a day or two in Jonesville with Polly and her Ma on their way to the
+Cagwins' camp in the Adirondacks. And we all liked him so well that we
+agreed in givin' him this extraordinary praise, we said he wuz worthy of
+Polly, we knowed of course that wuz the highest enconium possible for us to
+give.
+
+Good lookin', smart as a whip, and deep, you could see that by lookin' into
+his eyes, half laughin' and half serious eyes and kinder sad lookin' too
+under the fun, as eyes must be in this world of ourn if they look back fur,
+or ahead much of any. A queer world this is, and kinder sad and mysterious,
+behind all the good and glory on't.
+
+He wuz jest out of Harvard school and as full of life and sperits as a
+colt let loose in a clover field. He went out in the hay field, he and
+Polly, and rode home on top of a load of hay jest as nateral and easy and
+bare-headed as if he wuz workin' for wages, and he the only son of a
+millionaire--we all took to him.
+
+Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin' to visit Washington, D.C., all
+the neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey wanted a
+dozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry.
+
+Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him a
+paper of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new kind
+of string beans and some cowcumber seeds.
+
+Uncle Jarvis Bentley, who wuz goin' to paint his house, wanted me to ask
+the President what kind of paint he used on the White House. He thought it
+ort to be a extra kind to stand the sharp glare that wuz beatin' down on it
+constant, and to ask him if he didn't think the paint would last longer and
+the glare be mollified some if they used pure white and clear ile in it,
+and left off whitewash and karseen.
+
+Ardelia Rumsey, who is goin' to be married, wanted me, if I see any new
+kinds of bedquilt patterns at the White House or the Senator's housen, to
+git patterns for 'em. She said she wuz sick of sun flowers and blazin'
+stars. She thought mebby they'd have sunthin' new, spread eagle style. She
+said her feller wuz goin' to be connected with the Govermunt and she
+thought it would be appropriate.
+
+And I asked her how. And she said he wuz goin' to git a patent on a new
+kind of jack knife.
+
+I told her that if she wanted a govermunt quilt and wanted it appropriate
+she ort to have a crazy quilt.
+
+And she said she had jest finished a crazy quilt with seven thousand
+pieces of silk in it, and each piece trimmed with seven hundred stitches
+of feather stitchin'--she'd counted 'em. And then I remembered seein' it.
+There wuz a petition fer wimmen's rights and I remember Ardelia couldn't
+sign it for lack of time. She wanted to, but she hadn't got the quilt more
+than half done. It took the biggest heft of two years to do it. And so less
+important things had to be put aside.
+
+And Ardelia's mother wanted to sign it, but she couldn't owin' to a
+bed-spread she wuz makin'. She wuz quiltin' in Noah's Ark and all the
+animals on a Turkey red quilt. I remember she wuz quiltin' the camel that
+day and couldn't be disturbed, so we didn't git the names. It took the old
+lady three years, and when it wuz done it wuz a sight to behold, though I
+wouldn't want to sleep under so many animals. But folks went from fur and
+near to see it, and I enjoyed lookin' at it that day.
+
+Zebulin Coon wanted me to carry a new hen coop of hisen to git patented.
+And I thought to myself I wonder if they will ask me to carry a cow.
+
+And sure enough Elnathan Purdy wanted me to dicker for a calf from Mount
+Vernon, swop one of his yearlin's for it.
+
+But the errents Serepta Pester sent wuz fur more hefty and momentous than
+all the rest put together, calves, hen coop, cow and all.
+
+And when she told 'em over to me, and I meditated on her reasons for
+sendin' 'em and her need of havin' 'em done, I felt that I would do the
+errents for her if a breath wuz left in my body. She come for a all day's
+visit; and though she is a vegetable widow and humbly, I wuz middlin' glad
+to see her. But thinkses I as I carried her things into my bedroom, "She'll
+want to send some errent by me"; and I wondered what it would be.
+
+And so it didn't surprise me when she asked me if I would lobby a little
+for her in Washington. I spozed it wuz some new kind of tattin' or fancy
+work. I told her I shouldn't have much time but would try to git her some
+if I could.
+
+And she said she wanted me to lobby myself. And then I thought mebby it wuz
+a new kind of dance and told her, "I wuz too old to lobby, I hadn't lobbied
+a step since I wuz married."
+
+And then she explained she wanted me to canvas some of the Senators.
+
+And I hung back and asked her in a cautious tone, "How many she wanted
+canvassed, and how much canvas it would take?"
+
+I had a good many things to buy for my tower, and though I wanted to
+obleege Serepta, I didn't feel like runnin' into any great expense for
+canvas.
+
+And then she broke off from that subject, and said she wanted her rights
+and wanted the Whiskey Ring broke up.
+
+And she talked a sight about her children, and how bad she felt to be
+parted from 'em, and how she used to worship her husband and how her
+hull life wuz ruined and the Whiskey Ring had done it, that and wimmen's
+helpless condition under the law and she cried and wep' and I did. And
+right while I wuz cryin' onto that gingham apron, she made me promise to
+carry them two errents of hern to the President and git 'em done for her if
+I possibly could.
+
+She wanted the Whiskey Ring destroyed and her rights, and she wanted 'em
+both inside of two weeks.
+
+I told her I didn't believe she could git 'em done inside that length of
+time, but I would tell the President about it, and I thought more'n likely
+as not he would want to do right by her. "And," sez I, "if he sets out to,
+he can haul them babies of yourn out of that Ring pretty sudden."
+
+And then to git her mind offen her sufferin's, I asked how her sister Azuba
+wuz gittin' along? I hadn't heard from her for years. She married Phileman
+Clapsaddle, and Serepty spoke out as bitter as a bitter walnut, and sez
+she:
+
+"She's in the poor-house."
+
+"Why, Serepta Pester!" sez I, "what do you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say, my sister, Azuba Clapsaddle, is in the poor-house."
+
+"Why, where is their property gone?" sez I. "They wuz well off. Azuba had
+five thousand dollars of her own when she married him."
+
+"I know it," sez she, "and I can tell you, Josiah Alien's wife, where their
+property has gone, it has gone down Phileman Clapsaddle's throat. Look down
+that man's throat and you will see 150 acres of land, a good house and
+barn, twenty sheep and forty head of cattle."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I.
+
+"Yes, and you'll see four mules, a span of horses, two buggies, a double
+sleigh, and three buffalo robes. He's drinked 'em all up, and two horse
+rakes, a cultivator, and a thrashin' machine."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I agin. "And where are the children?"
+
+"The boys have inherited their father's habits and drink as bad as he duz
+and the oldest girl has gone to the bad."
+
+"Oh dear! oh dear me!" sez I, and we both sot silent for a spell. And then
+thinkin' I must say sunthin' and wantin' to strike a safe subject and a
+good lookin' one, I sez:
+
+"Where is your Aunt Cassandra's girl? That pretty girl I see to your house
+once?"
+
+"That girl is in the lunatick asylum."
+
+"Serepta Pester," sez I, "be you tellin' the truth?"
+
+"Yes, I be, the livin' truth. She went to New York to buy millinery goods
+for her mother's store. It wuz quite cool when she left home and she hadn't
+took off her winter clothes, and it come on brilin' hot in the city, and in
+goin' about from store to store the heat and hard work overcome her and she
+fell down in a sort of faintin' fit and wuz called drunk and dragged off to
+a police court by a man who wuz a animal in human shape. And he misused her
+in such a way that she never got over the horror of what befell her when
+she come to to find herself at the mercy of a brute in a man's shape. She
+went into a melancholy madness and wuz sent to the asylum."
+
+I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a spell.
+But thinkin' I must be sociable I sez:
+
+"Your aunt Cassandra is well, I spoze?"
+
+"She is moulderin' in jail," sez she.
+
+"In jail? Cassandra in jail!"
+
+"Yes, in jail." And Serepta's tone wuz now like worm-wood and gall.
+
+"You know she owns a big property in tenement houses and other buildings
+where she lives. Of course her taxes wuz awful high, and she didn't expect
+to have any voice in tellin' how that money, a part of her own property
+that she earned herself in a store, should be used. But she had been
+taxed high for new sidewalks in front of some of her buildin's. And then
+another man come into power in that ward, and he naterally wanted to make
+some money out of her, so he ordered her to build new sidewalks. And she
+wouldn't tear up a good sidewalk to please him or anybody else, so she wuz
+put to jail for refusin' to comply with the law."
+
+Thinkses I, I don't believe the law would have been so hard on her if she
+hadn't been so humbly. The Pesters are a humbly lot. But I didn't think it
+out loud, and didn't ophold the law for feelin' so. I sez in pityin' tones,
+for I wuz truly sorry for Cassandra Keeler:
+
+"How did it end?"
+
+"It hain't ended," sez she, "it only took place a month ago and she has got
+her grit up and won't pay; and no knowin' how it will end; she lays there
+amoulderin'."
+
+I don't believe Cassanda wuz mouldy, but that is Serepta's way of talkin',
+very flowery.
+
+"Well," sez I, "do you think the weather is goin' to moderate?"
+
+I truly felt that I dassent speak to her about any human bein' under the
+sun, not knowin' what turn she would give to the talk, bein' so embittered.
+But I felt that the weather wuz safe, and cotton stockin's, and hens, and
+factory cloth, and I kep' her down on them for more'n two hours.
+
+But good land! I can't blame her for bein' embittered agin men and the laws
+they've made, for it seems as if I never see a human creeter so afflicted
+as Serepta Pester has been all her life.
+
+Why, her sufferin's date back before she wuz born, and that's goin' pretty
+fur back. Her father and mother had some difficulty and he wuz took down
+with billerous colick, voylent four weeks before Serepta wuz born. And some
+think it wuz the hardness between 'em and some think it wuz the gripin' of
+the colick when he made his will, anyway he willed Serepta away, boy or
+girl whichever it wuz, to his brother up on the Canada line.
+
+So when Serepta wuz born (and born a girl ontirely onbeknown to her) she
+wuz took right away from her mother and gin to this brother. Her mother
+couldn't help herself, he had the law on his side. But it killed her.
+She drooped away and died before the baby wuz a year old. She wuz a
+affectionate, tenderhearted woman and her husband wuz overbearin' and
+stern always.
+
+But it wuz this last move of hisen that killed her, for it is pretty tough
+on a mother to have her baby, a part of her own life, took right out of
+her own arms and gin to a stranger. For this uncle of hern wuz a entire
+stranger to Serepta, and almost like a stranger to her father, for he
+hadn't seen him since he wuz a boy, but knew he hadn't any children and
+spozed that he wuz rich and respectable. But the truth wuz he had been
+runnin' down every way, had lost his property and his character, wuz
+dissipated and mean. But the will wuz made and the law stood. Men are
+ashamed now to think that the law wuz ever in voge, but it wuz, and is now
+in some of the states, and the poor young mother couldn't help herself. It
+has always been the boast of our American law that it takes care of wimmen.
+It took care of her. It held her in its strong protectin' grasp so tight
+that the only way she could slip out of it wuz to drop into the grave,
+which she did in a few months. Then it leggo.
+
+But it kep' holt of Serepta, it bound her tight to her uncle while he run
+through with what property she had, while he sunk lower and lower until at
+last he needed the very necessaries of life and then he bound her out to
+work to a woman who kep' a drinkin' den and the lowest hant of vice.
+
+Twice Serepta run away, bein' virtuous but humbly, but them strong
+protectin' arms of the law that had held her mother so tight reached out
+and dragged her back agin. Upheld by them her uncle could compel her to
+give her service wherever he wanted her to work, and he wuz owin' this
+woman and she wanted Serepta's work, so she had to submit.
+
+But the third time she made a effort so voyalent that she got away. A
+good woman, who bein' nothin' but a woman couldn't do anything towards
+onclinchin' them powerful arms that wuz protectin' her, helped her to slip
+through 'em. And Serepta come to Jonesville to live with a sister of that
+good woman; changed her name so's it wouldn't be so easy to find her; grew
+up to be a nice industrious girl. And when the woman she wuz took by died
+she left Serepta quite a handsome property.
+
+And finally she married Lank Burpee, and did considerable well it wuz
+spozed. Her property, put with what little he had, made 'em a comfortable
+home and they had two pretty children, a boy and a girl. But when the
+little girl wuz a baby he took to drinkin', neglected his bizness, got
+mixed up with a whiskey ring, whipped Serepta--not so very hard. He went
+accordin' to law, and the law of the United States don't approve of a man's
+whippin' his wife enough to endanger her life, it sez it don't. He made
+every move of hisen lawful and felt that Serepta hadn't ort to complain
+and feel hurt. But a good whippin' will make anybody feel hurt, law or no
+law. And then he parted with her and got her property and her two little
+children. Why, it seemed as if everything under the sun and moon, that
+could happen to a woman, had happened to Serepta, painful things and
+gauldin'.
+
+Jest before Lank parted with her, she fell on a broken sidewalk: some
+think he tripped her up, but it never wuz proved. But anyway Serepta fell
+and broke her hip hone; and her husband sued the corporation and got ten
+thousand dollars for it. Of course the law give the money to him and she
+never got a cent of it. But she wouldn't have made any fuss over that,
+knowin' that the law of the United States wuz such. But what made it so
+awful mortifyin' to her wuz, that while she wuz layin' there achin' in
+splints, he took that very money and used it to court up another woman
+with. Gin her presents, jewelry, bunnets, head-dresses, artificial flowers
+out of Serepta's own hip money.
+
+And I don't know as anything could be much more gauldin' to a woman than
+that--while she lay there groanin' in splints, to have her husband take the
+money for her own broken bones and dress up another woman like a doll with
+it.
+
+But the law gin it to him, and he wuz only availin' himself of the glorious
+liberty of our free Republic, and doin' as he wuz a mind to. And it wuz
+spozed that that very hip money wuz what made the match. For before she wuz
+fairly out of splints he got a divorce from her and married agin. And by
+the help of Serepta's hip money and the Whiskey Ring he got her two little
+children away from her.
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+"THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"
+
+
+And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta for
+gittin' mad and wantin' her rights and wantin' the Whiskey Ring broke up,
+when they think how she's been fooled round with by men; willed away, and
+whipped, and parted with, and stole from. Why, they can't blame her for
+feelin' fairly savage about 'em, as she duz.
+
+For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin' it over, how everything had
+happened to her. "Yes," sez she, with a axent like bone-set and vinegar,
+"and what few things hain't happened to me has happened to my folks."
+
+And sure enough I couldn't dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and sufferin's
+seemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen. Why, one of her aunts
+on her father's side, Huldah Pester, married for her first husband,
+Eliphelet Perkins. He wuz a minister, rode on a circuit, and he took Huldah
+on it too, and she rode round with him on it a good deal of the time. But
+she never loved to, she wuz a woman that loved to be still, and kinder
+settled down at home.
+
+But she loved Eliphelet so well that she would do anything to please him,
+so she rode round with him on that circuit till she wuz perfectly fagged
+out.
+
+He wuz a dretful good man to her, but he wuz kinder poor and they had hard
+times to git along. But what property they had wuzn't taxed, so that helped
+some, and Huldah would make one dollar go a good ways.
+
+No, their property wuzn't taxed till Eliphelet died. Then the supervisor
+taxed it the very minute the breath left his body; run his horse, so it wuz
+said, so's to be sure to git it onto the tax list, and comply with the law.
+
+You see Eliphelet's salary stopped when his breath did. And I spoze the
+law thought, seein' she wuz havin' trouble, she might jest as well have a
+little more; so it taxed all the property it never had taxed a cent for
+before.
+
+But she had this to console her that the law didn't forgit her in her
+widowhood. No; the law is quite thoughtful of wimmen by spells. It sez it
+protects wimmen. And I spoze that in some mysterious way, too deep for
+wimmen to understand, it wuz protectin' her now.
+
+Well, she suffered along and finally married agin. I wondered why she did.
+But she wuz such a quiet, home-lovin' woman that it wuz spozed she wanted
+to settle down and be kinder still and sot. But of all the bad luck she
+had. She married on short acquaintance, and he proved to be a perfect
+wanderer. He couldn't keep still, it wuz spozed to be a mark.
+
+He moved Huldah thirteen times in two years, and at last he took her into
+a cart, a sort of covered wagon, and traveled right through the western
+states with her. He wanted to see the country and loved to live in the
+wagon, it wuz his make. And, of course, the law give him control of her
+body, and she had to go where he moved it, or else part with him. And
+I spoze the law thought it wuz guardin' and nourishin' her when it wuz
+joltin' her over them prairies and mountains and abysses. But it jest kep'
+her shook up the hull of the time.
+
+It wuz the regular Pester luck.
+
+And then another of her aunts, Drusilly Pester, married a industrious,
+hard-workin' man, one that never drinked, wuz sound on the doctrines, and
+give good measure to his customers, he wuz a groceryman. And a master hand
+for wantin' to foller the laws of his country as tight as laws could be
+follered. And so knowin' that the law approved of moderate correction for
+wimmen, and that "a man might whip his wife, but not enough to endanger her
+life"; he bein' such a master hand for wantin' to do everything faithful
+and do his very best for his customers, it wuz spozed he wanted to do the
+best for the law, and so when he got to whippin' Drusilly, he would whip
+her too severe, he would be too faithful to it.
+
+You see what made him whip her at all wuz she wuz cross to him. They had
+nine little children, she thought two or three children would be about all
+one woman could bring up well by hand, when that hand wuz so stiff and sore
+with hard work.
+
+But he had read some scareful talk from high quarters about Race Suicide.
+Some men do git real wrought up about it and want everybody to have all the
+children they can, jest as fast as they can, though wimmen don't all feel
+so.
+
+Aunt Hetty Sidman said, "If men had to born 'em and nuss 'em themselves,
+she didn't spoze they would be so enthusiastick about it after they had
+had a few, 'specially if they done their own housework themselves," and
+Aunt Hetty said that some of the men who wuz exhortin' wimmen to have big
+families, had better spend some of their strength and wind in tryin' to
+make this world a safer place for children to be born into.
+
+She said they'd be better off in Nonentity than here in this world with
+saloons on every corner, and war-dogs howlin' at 'em.
+
+I don't know exactly what she meant by Nonentity, but guess she meant the
+world we all stay in, before we are born into this one.
+
+Aunt Hetty has lost five boys, two by battle and three by licensed saloons,
+that makes her talk real bitter, but to resoom. I told Josiah that men
+needn't worry about Race Suicide, for you might as well try to stop a hen
+from makin' a nest, as to stop wimmen from wantin' a baby to love and hold
+on her heart. But sez I, "Folks ort to be moderate and mejum in babies as
+well as in everything else."
+
+But Drusilly's husband wanted twelve boys he said, to be law-abidin'
+citizens as their Pa wuz, and a protection to the Govermunt, and to be
+ready to man the new warships, if a war broke out. But her babies wuz
+real pretty and cunning, and she wuz so weak-minded she couldn't enjoy
+the thought that if our male statesmen got to scrappin' with some other
+nation's male law-makers and made another war, of havin' her grown-up
+babies face the cannons. I spoze it wuz when she wuz so awful tired she
+felt so.
+
+You see she had to do every mite of her housework, and milk cows, and make
+butter and cheese, and cook and wash and scour, and take all the care of
+the children day and night in sickness and health, and make their clothes
+and keep 'em clean. And when there wuz so many of 'em and she enjoyin' real
+poor health, I spoze she sometimes thought more of her own achin' back than
+she did of the good of the Govermunt--and she would git kinder discouraged
+sometimes and be cross to him. And knowin' his own motives wuz so high and
+loyal, he felt that he ort to whip her, so he did.
+
+And what shows that Drusilly wuzn't so bad after all and did have her good
+streaks and a deep reverence for the law is, that she stood his whippin's
+first-rate, and never whipped him. Now she wuz fur bigger than he wuz,
+weighed eighty pounds the most, and might have whipped him if the law had
+been such. But they wuz both law-abidin' and wanted to keep every preamble,
+so she stood it to be whipped, and never once whipped him in all the
+seventeen years they lived together. She died when her twelfth child wuz
+born. There wuz jest ten months difference between that and the one next
+older. And they said she often spoke out in her last sickness, and said,
+"Thank fortune, I've always kep' the law!" And they said the same thought
+wuz a great comfort to him in his last moments. He died about a year after
+she did, leavin' his second wife with twins and a good property.
+
+Then there wuz Abagail Pester. She married a sort of a high-headed man,
+though one that paid his debts, wuz truthful, good lookin', and played well
+on the fiddle. Why, it seemed as if he had almost every qualification for
+makin' a woman happy, only he had this one little eccentricity, he would
+lock up Abagail's clothes every time he got mad at her.
+
+Of course the law give her clothes to him, and knowin' that it wuz the
+law in the state where they lived, she wouldn't have complained only when
+they had company. But it wuz mortifyin', nobody could dispute it, to have
+company come and have nothin' to put on. Several times she had to withdraw
+into the woodhouse, and stay most all day there shiverin', and under the
+suller stairs and round in clothes presses. But he boasted in prayer
+meetin's and on boxes before grocery stores that he wuz a law-abidin'
+citizen, and he wuz. Eben Flanders wouldn't lie for anybody.
+
+But I'll bet Abagail Flanders beat our old revolutionary four-mothers in
+thinkin' out new laws, when she lay round under stairs and behind barrels
+in her night-gown. When a man hides his wife's stockin's and petticoats
+it is governin' without the consent of the governed. If you don't believe
+it you'd ort to peeked round them barrels and seen Abagail's eyes, they
+had hull reams of by-laws in 'em and preambles, and Declarations of
+Independence, so I've been told. But it beat everything I ever hearn on,
+the lawful sufferin's of them wimmen. For there wuzn't nothin' illegal
+about one single trouble of theirn. They suffered accordin' to law, every
+one on 'em. But it wuz tuff for 'em, very tuff. And their bein' so dretful
+humbly wuz another drawback to 'em, though that too wuz perfectly lawful,
+as everybody knows.
+
+And Serepta looked as bad agin as she would otherwise on account of her
+teeth. It wuz after Lank had begun to git after this other woman, and wuz
+indifferent to his wife's looks that Serepta had a new set of teeth on her
+upper jaw. And they sot out and made her look so bad it fairly made her
+ache to look at herself in the glass. And they hurt her gooms too, and she
+carried 'em back to the dentist and wanted him to make her another set, but
+he acted mean and wouldn't take 'em back, and sued Lank for the pay. And
+they had a law-suit. And the law bein' such that a woman can't testify in
+court, in any matter that is of mutual interest to husband and wife, and
+Lank wantin' to act mean, said that they wuz good sound teeth.
+
+And there Serepta sot right in front of 'em with her gooms achin' and her
+face all swelled out, and lookin' like furiation, and couldn't say a word.
+But she had to give in to the law. And ruther than go toothless she wears
+'em to this day, and I believe it is the raspin' of them teeth aginst her
+gooms and her discouraged, mad feelin's every time she looks in the glass
+that helps embitter her towards men, and the laws men have made, so's a
+woman can't have control of her own teeth and her own bones.
+
+Serepta went home about 5 P.M., I promisin' sacred to do her errents for
+her.
+
+And I gin a deep, happy sithe after I shot the door behind her, and I sez
+to Josiah I do hope that's the very last errent we will have to carry to
+Washington, D.C., for the Jonesvillians.
+
+"Yes," says he, "an' I guess I will get a fresh pail of water and hang on
+the tea kettle for you."
+
+"And," I says, "it's pretty early for supper, but I'll start it, for I do
+feel kinder gone to the stomach. Sympathy is real exhaustin'. Sometimes I
+think it tires me more'n hard work. And Heaven knows I sympathized with
+Serepta. I felt for her full as much as if she was one of the relations on
+_his_ side."
+
+But if you'll believe it, I had hardly got the words out of my mouth and
+Josiah had jest laid holt of the water pail, when in comes Philander
+Dagget, the President of the Jonesville Creation Searchin' Society and, of
+course, he had a job for us to do on our tower. This Society was started
+by the leadin' men of Jonesville, for the purpose of searchin' out and
+criticizin' the affairs of the world, an' so far as possible advisin' and
+correctin' the meanderin's an' wrong-doin's of the universe.
+
+This Society, which we call the C.S.S. for short, has been ruther quiet for
+years. But sence woman's suffrage has got to be such a prominent question,
+they bein' so bitterly opposed to it, have reorganized and meet every once
+in a while, to sneer at the suffragettes and poke fun at 'em and show in
+every way they can their hitter antipathy to the cause.
+
+Philander told me if I see anything new and strikin' in the way of Society
+badges and regalia, to let him know about it, for he said the C.S.S. was
+goin' to take a decided stand and show their colors. They wuz goin' to
+help protect his women endangered sect, an' he wanted sunthin' showy and
+suggestive.
+
+I thought of a number of badges and mottoes that I felt would be suitable
+for this Society, but dassent tell 'em to him, for his idees and mine on
+this subject are as fur apart as the two poles. He talked awful bitter to
+me once about it, and I sez to him:
+
+"Philander, the world is full of good men, and there are also bad men in
+the world, and, sez I, did you ever in your born days see a bad man that
+wuzn't opposed to Woman's Suffrage? All the men who trade in, and profit
+by, the weakness and sin of men and women, they every one of 'em, to
+a man, fight agin it. And would they do this if they didn't think that
+their vile trades would suffer if women had the right to vote? It is the
+great-hearted, generous, noble man who wants women to become a real citizen
+with himself--which she is not now--she is only a citizen just enough to be
+taxed equally with man, or more exhorbitantly, and be punished and executed
+by the law she has no hand in makin'."
+
+Philander sed, "I have always found it don't pay to talk with women on
+matters they don't understand."
+
+An' he got up and started for the door, an' Josiah sed, "No, it don't pay,
+not a cent; I've always said so."
+
+But I told Philander I'd let him know if I see anything appropriate to the
+C.S.S. Holdin' back with a almost Herculaneum effort the mottoes and
+badges that run through my mind as bein' appropriate to their society;
+knowin' it would make him so mad if I told him of 'em--he never would
+neighbor with us again. And in three days' time we sot sail. We got to
+the depo about an hour too early, but I wuz glad we wuz on time, for it
+would have worked Josiah up dretfully ef we hadn't been, for he had spent
+most of the latter part of the night in gittin' up and walkin' out to the
+clock seein' if it wuz train time. Jest before we started, who should come
+runnin' down to the depo but Sam Nugent wantin' to send a errent by me to
+Washington. He wunk me out to one side of the waitin' room, and ast "if I'd
+try to git him a license to steal horses."
+
+It kinder runs in the blood of the Nugents to love to steal, and he owned
+up it did, but he said he wanted the profit of it. But I told him I
+wouldn't do any sech thing, an' I looked at him in such a witherin' way
+that I should most probable withered him, only he is blind in one side, and
+I wuz on the blind side, but he argued with me, and said that it wuz no
+worse than to give licenses for other kinds of meanness.
+
+He said they give licenses now to steal--steal folkses senses away, and
+then they could steal everything else, and murder and tear round into every
+kind of wickedness. But he didn't ask that. He wanted things done fair and
+square: he jest wanted to steal horses. He wuz goin' West, and he thought
+he could do a good bizness, and lay up somethin'. If he had a license he
+shouldn't be afraid of bein' shet up or shot.
+
+But I refused the job with scorn; and jest as I wuz refusin', the cars
+snorted, and I wuz glad they did. They seemed to express in that wild snort
+something of the indignation I felt.
+
+The idee!
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+"POLLY'S EYES CROWED TENDER"
+
+
+Lorinda wuz dretful glad to see us and so wuz her husband and Polly. But
+the Reunion had to be put off on account of a spell her husband wuz havin'.
+Lorinda said she could not face such a big company as she'd invited while
+Hiram wuz havin' a spell, and I agreed with her.
+
+Sez I, "Never, never, would I have invited company whilst Josiah wuz
+sufferin' with one of his cricks."
+
+Men hain't patient under pain, and outsiders hain't no bizness to hear
+things they say and tell on 'em. So Polly had to write to the relations
+puttin' off the Reunion for one week. But Lorinda kep' on cookin' fruit
+cake and such that would keep, she had plenty of help, but loved to do her
+company cookin' herself. And seein' the Reunion wuz postponed and Lorinda
+had time on her hands, I proposed she should go with me to the big out-door
+meetin' of the Suffragists, which wuz held in a nigh-by city.
+
+"Good land!" sez she, "nothin' would tempt me to patronize anything so
+brazen and onwomanly as a out-door meetin' of wimmen, and so onhealthy and
+immodest." I see she looked reproachfully at Polly as she said it. Polly
+wuz arrangin' some posies in a vase, and looked as sweet as the posies did,
+but considerable firm too, and I see from Lorinda's looks that Polly wuz
+one who had to leave father and mother for principle's sake.
+
+But I sez, "You're cookin' this minute, Lorinda, for a out-door meetin'"
+(she wuz makin' angel cake). "And why is this meetin' any more onwomanly or
+immodest than the camp-meetin' where you wuz converted, and baptized the
+next Sunday in the creek?"
+
+"Oh, them wuz religious meetin's," sez she.
+
+"Well," sez I, "mebby these wimmen think their meetin' is religious. You
+know the Bible sez, 'Faith and works should go together,' and some of the
+leaders of this movement have showed by their works as religious a sperit
+and wielded aginst injustice to young workin' wimmen as powerful a weepon
+as that axe of the 'Postles the Bible tells about. And you said you went
+every day to the Hudson-Fulton doin's and hearn every out-door lecture; you
+writ me that there wuz probable a million wimmen attendin' them out-door
+meetin's, and that wuz curosity and pleasure huntin' that took them, and
+this is a meetin' of justice and right."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Lorinda agin, with her eye on Polly. "Wimmen have all the
+rights they want or need." Lorinda's husband bein' rich and lettin' her
+have her way she is real foot loose, and don't feel the need of any more
+rights for herself, but I told her then and there some of the wrongs and
+sufferin's of Serepta Pester, and bein' good-hearted (but obstinate and
+bigoted) she gin in that the errents wuz hefty, and that Serepta wuz to be
+pitied, but she insisted that wimmen's votin' wouldn't help matters.
+
+But Euphrasia Pottle, a poor relation from Troy, spoke up. "After my
+husband died one of my girls went into a factory and gits about half what
+the men git for the same work, and my oldest girl who teaches in the
+public school don't git half as much for the same work as men do, and her
+school rooms are dark, stuffy, onhealthy, and crowded so the children are
+half-choked for air, and the light so poor they're havin' their eyesight
+spilte for life, and new school books not needed at all, are demanded
+constantly, so some-one can make money."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "do you spoze, Lorinda, if intelligent mothers helped control
+such things they would let their children be made sick and blind and the
+money that should be used for food for poor hungry children be squandered
+on _on_-necessary books they are too faint with hunger to study."
+
+"But wimmen's votin' wouldn't help in such things," sez Lorinda, as she
+stirred her angel cake vigorously.
+
+But Euphrasia sez, "My niece, Ellen, teaches in a state where wimmen vote
+and she gits the same wages men git for the same work, and her school rooms
+are bright and pleasant and sanitary, and the pupils, of course, are well
+and happy. And if you don't think wimmen can help in such public matters
+just go to Seattle and see how quick a bad man wuz yanked out of his public
+office and a good man put in his place, mostly by wimmen's efforts and
+votes."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "it is a proved fact that wimmen's votes do help in these
+matters. And do you think, Lorinda, that if educated, motherly, thoughtful
+wimmen helped make the laws so many little children would be allowed to
+toil in factories and mines, their tender shoulders bearin' the burden of
+constant labor that wears out the iron muscles of men?"
+
+Polly's eyes growed tender and wistful, and her little white hands
+lingered over her posies, and I knowed the hard lot of the poor, the
+wrongs of wimmen and children, the woes of humanity, wuz pressin' down
+on her generous young heart. And I could see in her sweet face the brave
+determination to do and to dare, to try to help ondo the wrongs, and try to
+lift the burdens from weak and achin' shoulders. But Lorinda kep' on with
+the same old moth-eaten argument so broke down and feeble it ort to be
+allowed to die in peace.
+
+"Woman's suffrage would make women neglect their homes and housework and
+let their children run loose into ruin."
+
+I knowed she said it partly on Polly's account, but I sez in surprise,
+"Why, Lorinda, it must be you hain't read up on the subject or you would
+know wherever wimmen has voted they have looked out first of all for the
+children's welfare. They have raised the age of consent, have closed
+saloons and other places of licensed evil, and in every way it has been
+their first care to help 'em to safer and more moral surroundin's, for who
+has the interest of children more at heart than the mothers who bore them,
+children who are the light of their eyes and the hope of the future."
+
+Lorinda admitted that the state of the children in the homes of the poor
+and ignorant wuz pitiful. "But," sez she, "the Bible sez 'ye shall always
+have the poor with you,' and I spoze we always shall, with all their
+sufferin's and wants. But," sez she, "in well-to-do homes the children are
+safe and well off, and don't need any help from woman legislation."
+
+"Why, Lorinda," sez I, "did you ever think on't how such mothers may
+watch over and be the end of the law to their children with the father's
+full consent during infancy when they're wrastlin' with teethin',
+whoopin'-cough, mumps, etc., can be queen of the nursery, dispensor of
+pure air, sunshine, sanitary, and safe surroundin's in every way, and then
+in a few years see 'em go from her into dark, overcrowded, unsanitary,
+carelessly guarded places, to spend the precious hours when they are the
+most receptive to influence and pass man-made pitfalls on their way to and
+fro, must stand helpless until in too many cases the innocent healthy child
+that went from her care returns to her half-blind, a physical and moral
+wreck. The mother who went down to death's door for 'em, and had most to do
+in mouldin' their destiny during infancy should have at least equal rights
+with the father in controllin' their surroundin's during their entire
+youth, and to do this she must have equal legal power or her best efforts
+are wasted. That this is just and right is as plain to me as the nose on my
+face and folks will see it bom-bye and wonder they didn't before.
+
+"And wimmen who suffer most by the lack on't, will be most interested in
+openin' schools to teach the fine art of domestic service, teachin' young
+girls how to keep healthy comfortable homes and fit themselves to be
+capable wives and mothers. I don't say or expect that wimmen's votin' will
+make black white, or wash all the stains from the legislative body at once,
+but I say that jest the effort to git wimmen's suffrage has opened hundreds
+of bolted doors and full suffrage will open hundreds more. And I'm goin' to
+that woman's suffrage meetin' if I walk afoot."
+
+But here Josiah spoke up, I thought he wuz asleep, he wuz layin' on the
+lounge with a paper over his face. But truly the word, "Woman's Suffrage,"
+rousts him up as quick as a mouse duz a drowsy cat, so, sez he, "I can't
+let you go, Samantha, into any such dangerous and onwomanly affair."
+
+"Let?" sez I in a dry voice; "that's a queer word from one old pardner to
+another."
+
+"I'm responsible for your safety, Samantha, and if anybody goes to that
+dangerous and onseemly meetin' I will. Mebby Polly would like to go with
+me." As stated, Polly is as pretty as a pink posy, and no matter how old
+a man is, nor how interestin' and noble his pardner is, he needs girl
+blinders, yes, he needs 'em from the cradle to the grave. But few, indeed,
+are the female pardners who can git him to wear 'em.
+
+He added, "You know I represent you legally, Samantha; what I do is jest
+the same as though you did it."
+
+Sez I, "Mebby that is law, but whether it is gospel is another question.
+But if you represent me, Josiah, you will have to carry out my plans; I
+writ to Diantha Smith Trimble that if I went to the city I'd take care of
+Aunt Susan a night or two, and rest her a spell; you know Diantha is a
+widder and too poor to hire a nurse. But seein' you represent me you can
+set up with her Ma a night or two; she's bed-rid and you'll have to lift
+her round some, and give her her medicine and take care of Diantha's twins,
+and let her git a good sleep."
+
+"Well, as it were--Samantha--you know--men hain't expected to represent
+wimmen in everything, it is mostly votin' and tendin' big meetin's and
+such."
+
+"Oh, I see," sez I; "men represent wimmen when they want to, and when they
+don't wimmen have got to represent themselves."
+
+"Well, yes, Samantha, sunthin' like that."
+
+He didn't say anything more about representin' me, and Polly said she
+wuz goin' to ride in the parade with some other college girls. Lorinda's
+linement looked dark and forbiddin' as Polly stated in her gentle, but firm
+way this ultimatum. Lorinda hated the idee of Polly's jinin' in what she
+called onwomanly and immodest doin's, but I looked beamin'ly at her and
+gloried in her principles.
+
+After she went out Lorinda said to me in a complainin' way, "I should
+think that a girl that had every comfort and luxury would be contented and
+thankful, and be willin' to stay to home and act like a lady."
+
+Sez I, "Nothin' could keep Polly from actin' like a lady, and mebby it is
+because she is so well off herself that makes her sorry for other young
+girls that have nothin' but poverty and privation."
+
+"Oh, nonsense!" sez Lorinda. But I knowed jest how it wuz. Polly bein'
+surrounded by all the good things money could give, and bein' so
+tender-hearted her heart ached for other young girls, who had to spend the
+springtime of their lives in the hard work of earnin' bread for themselves
+and dear ones, and she longed to help 'em to livin' wages, so they
+could exist without the wages of sin, and too many on 'em had to choose
+between them black wages and starvation. She wanted to help 'em to better
+surroundin's and she knowed the best weepon she could put into their hands
+to fight the wolves of Want and Temptation, wuz the ballot. Polly hain't a
+mite like her Ma, she favors the Smiths more, her grand-ma on her pa's side
+wuz a Smith and a woman of brains and principle.
+
+Durin' my conversation with Lorinda, I inquired about Royal Gray, for as
+stated, he wuz a great favorite of ourn, and I found out (and I could see
+it gaulded her) that when Polly united with the Suffragists he shied off
+some, and went to payin' attention to another girl. Whether it wuz to make
+Polly jealous and bring her round to his way of thinkin', I didn't know,
+but mistrusted, for I could have took my oath that he loved Polly deeply
+and truly. To be sure he hadn't confided in me, but there is a language
+of the eyes, when the soul speaks through 'em, and as I'd seen him look
+at Polly my own soul had hearn and understood that silent language and
+translated it, that Polly wuz the light of his eyes, and the one woman in
+the world for him. And I couldn't think his heart had changed so sudden.
+But knowin' as I did the elastic nature of manly affection, I felt
+dubersome.
+
+This other girl, Maud Vincent, always said to her men friends, it wuz
+onwomanly to try to vote. She wuz one of the girls who always gloried in
+bein' a runnin' vine when there wuz any masculine trees round to lean
+on and twine about. One who always jined in with all the idees they
+promulgated, from neckties to the tariff, who declared cigar smoke wuz so
+agreeable and welcome; it did really make her deathly sick, but she would
+choke herself cheerfully and willin'ly if by so chokin' she could gain
+manly favor and admiration.
+
+She said she didn't believe in helpin' poor girls, they wuz well enough
+off as it wuz, she wuz sure they didn't feel hunger and cold as rich girls
+did, their skin wuz thicker and their stomachs different and stronger, and
+constant labor didn't harm them, and working girls didn't need recreation
+as rich girls did, and woman's suffrage wouldn't help them any; in her
+opinion it would harm them, and anyway the poor wuz on-grateful.
+
+She had the usual arguments on the tip of her tongue, for old Miss Vincent,
+the aunt she lived with, wuz a ardent She Aunty and very prominent in the
+public meetin's the She Auntys have to try to compel the Suffragists not
+to have public meetin's. They talk a good deal in public how onwomanly
+and immodest it is for wimmen to talk in public. And she wuz one of the
+foremost ones in tryin' to git up a school to teach wimmen civics, to prove
+that they mustn't ever have anything to do with civics.
+
+Yes, old Miss Vincent wuz a real active, ardent She Aunty, and Maud
+Genevieve takes after her. Royal Gray, his handsome attractive personality,
+and his millions, had long been the goal of Maud's ambition. And how
+ardently did she hail the coolness growing between him and Polly, the
+little rift in the lute, and how zealously did she labor to make it larger.
+
+Polly and Royal had had many an argument on the subject, that is, he would
+begin by makin' fun of the Suffragists and their militant doin's, which if
+he'd thought on't wuz sunthin' like what his old revolutionary forbears
+went through for the same reasons, bein' taxed without representation, and
+bein' burdened and punished by the law they had no voice in making, only
+the Suffragettes are not nearly so severe with their opposers, they haven't
+drawed any blood yet. Why, them old Patriots we revere so, would consider
+their efforts for freedom exceedingly gentle and tame compared to their own
+bloody battles.
+
+And Royal would make light of the efforts of college girls to help workin'
+girls, and the encouragement and aid they'd gin 'em when they wuz strikin'
+for less death-dealin' hours of labor, and livin' wages, and so forth. I
+don't see how such a really noble young man as Royal ever come to argy that
+way, but spoze it wuz the dead hand of some rough onreasonable old ancestor
+reachin' up out of the shadows of the past and pushin' him on in the wrong
+direction.
+
+So when he begun to ridicule what Polly's heart wuz sot on, when she felt
+that he wuz fightin' agin right and justice, before they knowed it both
+pairs of bright eyes would git to flashin' out angry sparks, and hash words
+would be said on both sides. That old long-buried Tory ancestor of hisen
+eggin' him on, so I spoze, and Polly's generous sperit rebellin' aginst the
+injustice and selfishness, and mebby some warlike ancestor of hern pushin'
+her on to say hash things. 'Tennyrate he had grown less attentive to her,
+and wuz bestowin' his time and attentions elsewhere.
+
+And when she told him she wuz goin' to ride in the automobile parade of the
+suffragists, but really ridin' she felt towards truth and justice to half
+the citizens of the U.S., he wuz mad as a wet hen, a male wet hen, and wuz
+bound she shouldn't go.
+
+Some men, and mebby it is love that makes 'em feel so (they say it is), and
+mebby it is selfishness (though they won't own up to it), but they want
+the women they love to belong to them alone, want to rule absolutely over
+their hearts, their souls, their bodies, and all their thoughts and aims,
+desires, and fancies. They don't really say they want 'em to wear veils,
+and be shet in behind lattice-windowed harems, but I believe they would
+enjoy it.
+
+They want to be foot loose and heart loose themselves, but always after
+Ulysses is tired of world wandering, he wants to come back and open the
+barred doors of home with his own private latch-key, and find Penelope
+knitting stockings for him with her veil on, waitin' for him.
+
+That sperit is I spoze inherited from the days when our ancestor, the Cave
+man, would knock down the woman he fancied, with a club, and carry her off
+into his cave and keep her there shet up. But little by little men are
+forgettin' their ancestral traits, and men and wimmen are gradually comin'
+out of their dark caverns into the sunshine (for women too have inherited
+queer traits and disagreeable ones, but that is another story).
+
+Well, as I said, Royal wuz mad and told Polly that he guessed that the day
+of the Parade he would take Maud Vincent out in the country in his motor,
+to gather May-flowers. Polly told him she hoped they would have a good
+time, and then, after he had gone, drivin' his car lickety-split, harem
+skarum, owin' to his madness I spoze, Polly went upstairs and cried, for I
+hearn her, her room wuz next to ourn.
+
+And I deeply respected her for her principles, for he had asked her first
+to go May-flowering with him the day of the Suffrage meeting. But she
+refused, havin' in her mind, I spoze, the girls that couldn't hunt flowers,
+but had to handle weeds and thistles with bare hands (metaforically) and
+wanted to help them and all workin' wimmen to happier and more prosperous
+lives.
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+"STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"
+
+
+But I am hitchin' the horse behind the wagon and to resoom backwards. The
+Reunion wuz put off a week and the Suffrage Meetin' wuz two days away, so I
+told Lorinda I didn't believe I would have a better time to carry Serepta
+Pester's errents to Washington, D.C. Josiah said he guessed he would stay
+and help wait on Hiram Cagwin, and I approved on't, for Lorinda wuz gittin'
+wore out.
+
+And then Josiah made so light of them errents I felt that he would be a
+drawback instead of a help, for how could I keep a calm and noble frame of
+mind befittin' them lofty errents, and how could I carry 'em stiddy with a
+pardner by my side pokin' fun at 'em, and at me for carryin' 'em, jarrin'
+my sperit with his scorfin' and onbelievin' talk?
+
+And as I sot off alone in the trolley I thought of how they must have felt
+in old times a-carryin' the Urim and Thumim. And though I hadn't no idee
+what them wuz, yet I always felt that the carriers of 'em must have felt
+solemn and high-strung. Yes, my feelin's wuz such as I felt of the heft
+and importance of them errents not alone to Serepta Pester, but to the
+hull race of wimmen that it kep' my mental head rained up so high that I
+couldn't half see and enjoy the sight of the most beautiful city in the
+world, and still I spoze its grandeur and glory sort o' filtered down
+through my conscientiousness, as cloth grows white under the sun's rays
+onbeknown to it.
+
+Anon I left the trolley and walked some ways afoot. It wuz a lovely day,
+the sun shone down in golden splendor upon the splendor beneath it. Broad,
+beautiful clean streets, little fresh green parks, everywhere you could
+turn about, and big ones full of flowers and fountains, and trees and
+statutes.
+
+And anon or oftener I passed noble big stun buildings, where everything is
+made for the nation's good and profit. Money and fish and wisdom and all
+sorts of patented things and garden seeds and tariffs and resolutions and
+treaties and laws of every shape and size, good ones and queer ones and
+reputations and rates and rebates, etc., etc. But it would devour too much
+time to even name over all that is made and onmade there, even if I knowed
+by name the innumerable things that are flowin' constant out of that great
+reservoir of the Nation, with its vast crowd of law-makers settin' on the
+lid, regulatin' its flow and spreadin' it abroad over the country, thick
+and thin.
+
+But on I went past the Capitol, the handsomest buildin' on the Globe,
+standin' in its own Eden of beauty. By the Public Library as long as from
+our house to Grout Hozleton's, and I guess longer, and every foot on't more
+beautifler ornamented than tongue can tell. But I didn't dally tryin' to
+pace off the size on't, though it wuz enormous, for the thought of what I
+wuz carryin' bore me on almost regardless of my matchless surroundin's and
+the twinges of rumatiz.
+
+And anon I arrived at the White House, where my hopes and the hopes of
+my sect and Serepta Pester wuz sot. I will pass over my efforts to git
+into the Presence, merely sayin' that they were arjous and extreme, and I
+wouldn't probably have got in at all had not the Presence appeared with a
+hat on jest goin' out for a walk, and see me as I wuz strivin' with the
+emissary for entrance. I spoze my noble mean, made more noble fur by the
+magnitude of what I wuz carryin', impressed him, for suffice it to say
+inside of five minutes the Presence wuz back in his augience room, and I
+wuz layin' out them errents of Serepta's in front of him.
+
+He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin' smilin' man, a politer demeanored
+gentlemanly appearner man I don't want to see. But his linement which had
+looked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I spread
+them errents before him and sez in conclusion:
+
+"Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance done
+away with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you to
+have nothin' stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner, she
+offerin' to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some emptins to
+start it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted 'em all by week after
+next without fail."
+
+He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell,
+and kep' a-fallin'. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to do
+it in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin' how much
+wuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz tremblin' in
+the balances, I spread them errents out before him. And bein' truthful
+and above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin' disagreeable and
+very humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as though she wuz a
+wax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her relations had suffered
+from want of rights, and how dretfully she had suffered from the Ring till
+I declare talkin' about them little children of hern, and her agony, I got
+about as fierce actin' as Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to myself
+I talked powerful on intemperance and Rings, and such.
+
+When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried and
+anxious look on his good-natured face, and he sez: "The laws of the United
+States are such that I can't do them errands, I can't interfere."
+
+"Then," sez I, "why don't you make the United States do right?"
+
+He said sunthin' about the might of the majority, and the powerful
+corporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked very
+powerful and allegored about allowin' a ring to be put round the United
+States and let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her round,
+a pitiful sight for men and angels. Sez I, "How duz it look before the
+nations to see Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?"
+
+He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks.
+
+Sez I, "Intemperance is bad for Serepta and bad for the Nation."
+
+He murmured sunthin' about the revenue the liquor trade brought the
+Govermunt.
+
+But I sez, "Every penny is money right out of the people's pockets; every
+dollar the people pay into the liquor traffic that gives a few cents into
+the treasury, is costin' the people ten times that dollar in the loss
+intemperance entails, loss of labor, by the inability of drunken men to do
+anything but wobble and stagger, loss of wealth by the enormous losses of
+property and taxation, of alms-houses, mad-houses, jails, police forces,
+paupers' coffins, and the diggin' of thousands and thousands of graves
+that are filled yearly by them that reel into 'em." Sez I, "Wouldn't it
+be better for the people to pay that dollar in the first place into the
+treasury than to let it filter through the dram-seller's hands, a few cents
+of it fallin' into the national purse at last, putrid and heavy with all
+these losses and curses and crimes and shames and despairs and agonies?"
+
+He seemed to think it would, I see by the looks of his linement he did.
+Every honorable man feels so in his heart, and yet they let the Liquor Ring
+control 'em and lead 'em round. "It is queer, queer as a dog." Sez I, "The
+intellectual and moral power of the United States are rolled up and thrust
+into that Whiskey Ring and bein' drove by the whiskey dealers jest where
+they want to drive 'em." Sez I, "It controls New York village and nobody
+denies it, and the piety and philanthropy and culture and philosophy of
+that village has to be drawed along by that Ring." And sez I, in low but
+startlin' tones of principle:
+
+"Where, where is it a-drawin' 'em to? Where is it drawin' the hull nation
+to? Is it drawin' 'em down into a slavery ten times more abject and
+soul-destroyin' than African slavery ever wuz? Tell me," sez I firmly,
+"tell me!"
+
+He did not try to frame a reply, he could not find a frame. He knowed it
+wuz a conundrum boundless as truth and God's justice, and as solemnly deep
+in its sure consequences of evil as eternity, and as sure to come as that
+is.
+
+Oh, how solemn he looked, and how sorry I felt for him, for I knowed worse
+wuz to come, I knowed the sharpest arrow Serepta Pester had sent wuz yet
+to pierce his sperit. But I sort o' blunted the edge on't what I could
+conscientiously. Sez I, "I think myself Serepta is a little onreasonable, I
+myself am willin' to wait three or four weeks. But she's suffered dretful
+from intemperance from the Rings and from the want of rights, and her
+sufferin's have made her more voylent in her demands and impatienter," and
+then I fairly groaned as I did the rest of the errent, and let the sharpest
+arrow fly from the bo.
+
+"Serepta told me to tell you if you didn't do these errents you should not
+be President next year."
+
+He trembled like a popple leaf, and I felt that Serepta wuz threatenin' him
+too hard. Sez he, "I do not wish to be President again, I shall refuse to
+be nominated. At the same time I _do_ wish to be President and shall
+work hard for the nomination if you can understand the paradox."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "I understand them paradoxes. I've lived with 'em as you may
+say, all through my married life."
+
+A clock struck in the next room and I knowed time wuz passin' swift.
+
+Sez the President, "I would be glad to do Serepta's errents, I think she is
+justified in askin' for her rights, and to have the Ring destroyed, but I
+am not the one to do them."
+
+Sez I, "Who is the man or men?"
+
+He looked all round the room and up and down as if in hopes he could see
+someone layin' round on the floor, or danglin' from the ceilin', that would
+take the responsibility offen him, and in the very nick of time the door
+opened after a quick rap, and the President jumped up with a relieved look
+on his linement, and sez:
+
+"Here is the very man to do the errents." And he hastened to introduce me
+to the Senator who entered. And then he bid me a hasty adoo, but cordial
+and polite, and withdrew himself.
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+"HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"
+
+
+I felt glad to have this Senator do Serepta's errents, but I didn't like
+his looks. My land! talk about Serepta Pester bein' disagreeable, he wuz as
+disagreeable as she any day. He wuz kinder tall and looked out of his eyes
+and wore a vest. He wuz some bald-headed, and wore a large smile all the
+while, it looked like a boughten one that didn't fit him, but I won't say
+it wuz. I presoom he'll be known by this description. But his baldness
+didn't look to me like Josiah Allen's baldness, and he didn't have the
+noble linement of the President, no indeed. He wuz dretful polite, good
+land! politeness is no name for it, but I don't like to see anybody too
+good. He drawed a chair up for me and himself and asked me:
+
+If he should have the inexpressible honor and delightful joy of aiding me
+in any way, if so to command him to do it or words to that effect. I can't
+put down his second-hand smiles and genteel looks and don't want to if I
+could.
+
+But tacklin' hard jobs as I always tackle 'em, I sot down calm in front
+of him with my umbrell on my lap and told him all of Serepta's errents,
+and how I had brought 'em from Jonesville on my tower. I told over all her
+sufferin's and wrongs from the Rings and from not havin' her rights, and
+all her sister's Azuba Clapsaddle's, and her Aunt Cassandra Keeler's, and
+Hulda and Drusilly's and Abagail Flanderses injustices and sufferin's. I
+did her errents as honorable as I'd love to have one done for me, I told
+him all the petickulars, and as I finished I said firmly:
+
+"Now can you do Serepta Pesterses errents and will you?"
+
+He leaned forward with that disagreeable boughten smile of hisen and took
+up one corner of my mantilly, it wuz cut tab fashion, and he took up the
+tab and said in a low insinuatin' voice, lookin' clost at the edge of the
+tab:
+
+"Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein' or can it be
+Kensington tattin'?"
+
+I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, in
+a tone of amiable anxiety, "Have I not heard a rumor that bangs are
+going out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like or
+a-pompadouris? Ah, women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of
+'em." And he sithed, "You are very beautiful," and he sithed agin, a sort
+of a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a chippin'
+bird tappin' his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it jest as much as
+he moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep' on, puttin' on a sort of
+a sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin' of him.
+
+"My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce, however
+carefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you. Have you
+a leanin' toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied into the
+habits and traits of our American Wad?"
+
+"What?" sez I. For truly a woman's curosity, however parlyzed by just
+indignation, can stand only just so much strain. "The what?"
+
+"The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that tailors
+make so much use of."
+
+Sez I, "Do you mean waddin' eight cents a sheet?"
+
+"Eight cents a pelt--yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing to the
+hardy habits of the animal."
+
+Sez I, "Cease instantly. I will hear no more."
+
+Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will use
+to wimmen, and I'd hearn of their lies, etc.; but truly I felt that the
+half had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:
+
+"I've hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side in
+Washington, D.C., as bein' too triflin' to attend to, while the Legislators
+pondered over and passed laws regardin' hen's eggs and bird's nests. But
+this is goin' too fur--too fur. But," sez I firmly, "I shall do Serepta's
+errents, and do 'em to the best of my ability, and you can't draw off my
+attention from her wrongs and sufferin's by talkin' about wads."
+
+"I would love to obleege Serepta," sez he, "because she belongs to such a
+lovely sect. Wimmen are the loveliest, most angelic creatures that ever
+walked the earth; they are perfect, flawless, like snow and roses."
+
+Sez I firmly, "They hain't no such thing; they are disagreeable creeters a
+good deal of the time. They hain't no better than men, but they ort to have
+their rights all the same. Now Serepta is disagreeable and kinder fierce
+actin', and jest as humbly as they make wimmen, but that hain't no sign she
+ort to be imposed upon; Josiah sez she hadn't ort to have rights she is so
+humbly, but I don't feel so."
+
+"Who is Josiah?" sez he.
+
+Sez I, "My husband."
+
+"Ah, your husband! Yes, wimmen should have husbands instead of rights. They
+do not need rights; they need freedom from all cares and sufferin'. Sweet
+lovely beings! let them have husbands to lift them above all earthly cares
+and trials! Oh! angels of our homes!" sez he, liftin' his eyes to the
+heavens and kinder shettin' 'em, some as if he wuz goin' into a spazzum.
+"Fly around, ye angels, in your native hants; mingle not with rings and
+vile laws, flee away, flee above them!"
+
+And he kinder waved his hand back and forth in a floatin' fashion up in the
+air, as if it wuz a woman flyin' up there smooth and serene. It would have
+impressed some folks dretful, but it didn't me. I sez reasonably:
+
+"Serepta would have been glad to flew above 'em, but the Ring and the vile
+laws lay holt of her onbeknown to her and dragged her down. And there
+she is all bruised and broken-hearted by 'em. She didn't meddle with the
+political Ring, but the Ring meddled with her. How can she fly when the
+weight of this infamous traffic is holdin' her down?"
+
+"Ahem!" sez he. "Ahem, as it were. As I was saying, my dear madam, these
+angelic angels of our homes are too ethereal, too dainty to mingle with
+rude crowds. We political men would fain keep them as they are now; we are
+willing to stand the rude buffetin' of--of--voting, in order to guard these
+sweet delicate creatures from any hardships. Sweet tender beings, we would
+fain guard thee--ah, yes, ah, yes."
+
+Sez I, "Cease instantly, or my sickness will increase, for such talk is
+like thoroughwort or lobelia to my moral and mental stomach. You know and I
+know that these angelic tender bein's, half-clothed, fill our streets on
+icy midnights, huntin' up drunken husbands and fathers and sons. They are
+driven to death and to moral ruin by the miserable want liquor drinkin'
+entails. They are starved, they are froze, they are beaten, they are
+made childless and hopeless by drunken husbands killin' their own flesh
+and blood. They go down into the cold waves and are drowned by drunken
+captains; they are cast from railways into death by drunken engineers; they
+go up on the scaffold and die for crimes committed by the direct aid of
+this agent of Hell.
+
+"Wimmen had ruther be flyin' round than to do all this, but they can't.
+If men really believed all they say about wimmen, and I think some on 'em
+do in a dreamy sentimental way--If wimmen are angels, give 'em the rights
+of angels. Who ever hearn of a angel foldin' up her wings and goin' to a
+poor-house or jail through the fault of somebody else? Who ever hearn of a
+angel bein' dragged off to police court for fightin' to defend her children
+and herself from a drunken husband that had broke her wings and blacked
+her eyes, got the angel into the fight and then she got throwed into the
+streets and imprisoned by it? Who ever hearn of a angel havin' to take in
+washin' to support a drunken son or father or husband? Who ever hearn of
+a angel goin' out as wet-nurse to git money to pay taxes on her home to
+a Govermunt that in theory idolizes her, and practically despises her,
+and uses that money in ways abominable to that angel. If you want to be
+consistent, if you're bound to make angels of wimmen, you ort to furnish a
+free safe place for 'em to soar in. You ort to keep the angels from bein'
+tormented and bruised and killed, etc."
+
+"Ahem," sez he, "as it were, ahem."
+
+But I kep' right on, for I begun to feel noble and by the side of myself:
+
+"This talk about wimmen bein' outside and above all participation in the
+laws of her country, is jest as pretty as anything I ever hearn, and jest
+as simple. Why, you might jest as well throw a lot of snowflakes into the
+street, and say, 'Some of 'em are female flakes and mustn't be trompled
+on.' The great march of life tromples on 'em all alike; they fall from one
+common sky, and are trodden down into one common ground.
+
+"Men and wimmen are made with divine impulses and desires, and human
+needs and weaknesses, needin' the same heavenly light, and the same human
+aids and helps. The law should mete out to them the same rewards and
+punishments.
+
+"Serepta sez you call wimmen angels, and you don't give 'em the rights of
+the lowest beasts that crawl on the earth. And Serepta told me to tell you
+that she didn't ask the rights of a angel; she would be perfectly contented
+and proud, if you would give her the rights of a dog--the assured political
+rights of a yeller dog.' She said yeller and I'm bound on doin' her 'errent
+jest as she wanted it done, word for word.
+
+"A dog, Serepta sez, don't have to be hung if it breaks the laws it is not
+allowed any hand in making; a dog don't have to pay taxes on its bone to a
+Govermunt that withholds every right of citizenship from it; a dog hain't
+called undogly if it is industrious and hunts quietly round for its bone
+to the best of its ability, and tries to git its share of the crumbs that
+falls from that table bills are laid on.
+
+"A dog hain't preached to about its duty to keep home sweet and sacred, and
+then see that home turned into a place of danger and torment under laws
+that these very preachers have made legal and respectable. A dog don't have
+to see its property taxed to advance laws it believes ruinous, and that
+breaks its own heart and the heart of other dear dogs. A dog don't have
+to listen to soul-sickening speeches from them that deny it freedom and
+justice, about its bein' a damask rose and a seraph, when it knows it
+hain't; it knows, if it knows anything, that it is jest a plain dog.
+
+"You see Serepta has been embittered by the trials that politics, corrupt
+legislation have brought right onto her. She didn't want nothin' to do with
+'em, but they come onto her onexpected and onbeknown, and she feels that
+she must do everything she can to alter matters. She wants to help make the
+laws that have such a overpowerin' influence over her. She believes they
+can't be much worse than they are now, and may be a little better."
+
+"Ah," interrupted the Senator, "if Serepta wishes to change political
+affairs, let her influence her children, her boys, and they will carry her
+benign and noble influence forward into the centuries."
+
+"But the law took her boy, her little boy and girl, away from her. Through
+the influence of the Whiskey Ring, of which her husband wuz a shinin'
+member, he got possession of her boy. And so the law has made it perfectly
+impossible for her to mould it indirectly through him, what Serepta duz she
+must do herself."
+
+"Ah! my dear woman. A sad thing for Serepta; I trust _you_ have no
+grievance of this kind, I trust that your estimable husband is, as it were,
+estimable."
+
+"Yes, Josiah Allen is a good man, as good as men can be. You know men or
+wimmen can't be only jest about so good anyway. But he's my choice, and he
+don't drink a drop."
+
+"Pardon me, madam, but if you are happy in your married relations, and your
+husband is a temperate good man, why do you feel so upon this subject?"
+
+"Why, good land! if you understood the nature of a woman you would know my
+love for him, my happiness, the content and safety I feel about him and our
+boy, makes me realize the sufferin's of Serepta in havin' her husband and
+boy lost to her; makes me realize the depth of a wife's and mother's agony
+when she sees the one she loves goin' down, down so low she can't reach
+him; makes me feel how she must yearn to help him in some safe sure way.
+
+"High trees cast long shadows. The happier and more blessed a woman's life
+is, the more duz she feel for them that are less blessed than she. Highest
+love goes lowest, like that love that left Heaven and descended to earth,
+and into it that He might lift up the lowly. The pityin' words of Him who
+went about pleasin' not Himself, hants me and inspires me; I'm sorry for
+Serepta, sorry for the hull wimmen race of the nation, and for the men too.
+Lots of 'em are good creeters, better than wimmen, some on 'em. They want
+to do right, but don't exactly see the way to do it. In the old slavery
+times some of the masters wuz more to be pitied than the slaves. They could
+see the injustice, feel the wrong they wuz doin', but old chains of Custom
+bound 'em, social customs and idees had hardened into habits of thought.
+
+"They realized the size and heft of the evil, but didn't know how to
+grapple with it, and throw it. So now, many men see the evils of this time,
+want to help, but don't know the best way to lay holt of 'em. Life is a
+curious conundrum anyway, and hard to guess. But we can try to git the
+right answer to it as fur as we can. Serepta feels that one of the answers
+to the conundrum is in gittin' her rights. I myself have got all the rights
+I need or want, as fur as my own happiness is concerned. My home is my
+castle (a story and a half wooden one, but dear). My towers elevate me,
+the companionship of my friends give social happiness, our children are
+prosperous and happy. We have property enough for all the comforts of life.
+And above all other things my Josiah is my love and my theme."
+
+"Ah, yes!" sez he, "love is a woman's empire, and in that she should find
+her full content--her entire happiness and thought. A womanly woman will
+not look outside that lovely and safe and beautious empire."
+
+Sez I firmly, "If she hain't a idiot she can't help it. Love is the most
+beautiful thing on earth, the most holy and satisfyin'. But I do not ask
+you as a politician, but as a human bein', which would you like best, the
+love of a strong, earnest tender nature, for in man or woman 'the strongest
+are the tenderest, the loving are the daring,' which would you like best,
+the love and respect of such a nature full of wit, of tenderness, of
+infinite variety, or the love of a fool?
+
+"A fool's love is wearin', it is insipid at best, and it turns to vinegar.
+Why, sweetened water must turn to vinegar, it is its nater. And if a woman
+is bright and true-hearted, she can't help seein' through an injustice. She
+may be happy in her own home. Domestic affection, social enjoyments, the
+delights of a cultured home and society, and the companionship of the man
+she loves and who loves her, will, if she is a true woman, satisfy her own
+personal needs and desires, and she would far ruther for her own selfish
+happiness rest quietly in that love, that most blessed home.
+
+"But the bright quick intellect that delights you can't help seein' an
+injustice, can't help seein' through shams of all kinds, sham sentiment,
+sham compliments, sham justice. The tender lovin' nature that blesses your
+life can't help feelin' pity for them less blessed than herself. She looks
+down through the love-guarded lattice of her home from which your care
+would fain bar out all sights of woe and squaler, she looks down and sees
+the weary toilers below, the hopeless, the wretched. She sees the steep
+hills they have to climb, carryin' their crosses, she sees 'em go down into
+the mire, dragged there by the love that should lift 'em up. She would not
+be the woman you love if she could restrain her hand from liftin' up the
+fallen, wipin' tears from weepin' eyes, speakin' brave words for them that
+can't speak for themselves. The very strength of her affection that would
+hold you up if you were in trouble or disgrace yearns to help all sorrowin'
+hearts.
+
+"Down in your heart you can't help admirin' her for this, we can't help
+respectin' the one that advocates the right, the true, even if they are our
+conquerors. Wimmen hain't angels; now to be candid, you know they hain't.
+They hain't any better than men. Men are considerable likely; and it seems
+curious to me that they should act so in this one thing. For men ort to be
+more honest and open than wimmen. They hain't had to cajole and wheedle and
+use little trickeries and deceits and indirect ways as wimmen have. Why,
+cramp a tree limb and see if it will grow as straight and vigorous as it
+would in full freedom and sunshine.
+
+"Men ort to be nobler than women, sincerer, braver. And they ort to be
+ashamed of this one trick of theirn, for they know they hain't honest in
+it, they hain't generous. Give wimmen two or three generations of moral and
+legal freedom and see if men will laugh at 'em for their little deceits and
+affectations. No, men will be gentler, and wimmen nobler, and they will
+both come nearer bein' angels, though most probable they won't be any too
+good then, I hain't a mite afraid of it."
+
+
+
+
+VI
+
+"CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"
+
+
+The Senator kinder sithed, and that sithe sort o' brought me down onto my
+feet agin as it were, and a sense of my duty, and I spoke out agin:
+
+"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents?"
+
+He evaded a direct answer by sayin', "As you alluded to the little indirect
+ways of women, dearest madam, you will pardon me for saying that it is
+my belief that the soft gentle brains of females are unfitted for the
+deep hard problems men have to grapple with. They are too doll-like, too
+angelically and sweetly frivolous."
+
+"No doubt," sez I, "some wimmen are frivolous and some men foolish, for
+as Mrs. Poyser said, 'God made women to match the men,' but these few
+hadn't ort to disfranchise the hull race of men and wimmen. And as to soft
+brains, Maria Mitchell discovered planets hid from masculine eyes from the
+beginnin' of time, and do you think that wimmen can't see the black spots
+on the body politic, that darkens the life of her and her children?
+
+"Madame Curie discovered the light that looks through solid wood and iron,
+and you think wimmen can't see through unjust laws and practices, the
+rampant evils of to-day, and see what is on the other side, see a remedy
+for 'em. Florence Nightingale could mother and help cure an army, and why
+hain't men willin' to let wimmen help cure a sick legislation, kinder
+mother it, and encourage it to do better? She might much better be doin'
+that, than playin' bridge-whist, or rastlin' with hobble skirts, and it
+wouldn't devour any more time."
+
+He sot demute for a few minutes and then he sez, "While on the subject of
+women's achievements, dearest madam, allow me to ask you, if they have
+reached the importance you claim for them, why is it that so few women are
+made immortal by bein' represented in the Hall of Fame? And why are the
+four or five females represented there put away by themselves in a remote
+unadorned corner with no roof to protect them from the rough winds and
+storms that beat upon them?"
+
+Sez I, "That's a good illustration of what I've been sayin'. It wuz owin'
+to a woman's gift that America has a Hall of Fame, and it would seem that
+common courtesy would give wimmen an equally desirable place amongst
+the Immortals. Do you spoze that if women formed half the committee of
+selection--which they should since it wuz a woman's gift that made such a
+place possible--do you spoze that if she had an equal voice with men, the
+names of noble wimmen would be tucked away in a remote unroofed corner?
+
+"Edgar Allan Poe's genius wuz worthy a place among the Immortals, no doubt;
+his poems and stories excite wonder and admiration. But do they move the
+soul like Mrs. Stowe's immortal story that thrilled the world and helped
+free a race?--yes, two races--for the curse of slavery held the white race
+in bondage, too. Yet she and her three or four woman companions face the
+stormy winds in an out-of-the-way corner, while Poe occupies his honorable
+sightly place among his fifty or more male companions.
+
+"Wimmen have always been admonished to not strive for right and justice
+but to lean on men's generosity and chivalry. Here wuz a place where that
+chivalry would have shone, but it didn't seem to materialize, and if wimmen
+had leaned on it, it would have proved a weak staff, indeed.
+
+"Such things as this are constantly occurring and show plain that wimmen
+needs the ballot to protect her from all sorts of wrongs and indignities.
+Men take wimmen's money, as they did here, and use it to uplift themselves,
+and lower her, like taxin' her heavily and often unjustly and usin' this
+money to help forward unjust laws which she abominates. And so it goes on,
+and will, until women are men's equals legally and politically."
+
+"Ahem--you present things in a new light. I never looked at this matter
+with your eyes."
+
+"No, you looked at 'em through a man's eyes; such things are so customary
+that men do 'em without thinkin', from habit and custom, like hushin' up
+children's talk, when they interrupt grown-ups."
+
+Agin he sot demute for a short space, and then said, "I feel that natural
+human instinct is aginst the change. In savage races that knew nothin' of
+civilization, male force and strength always ruled."
+
+"Why," sez I, "history tells us of savage races where wimmen always rule,
+though I don't think they ort to--ability and goodness ort to rule."
+
+"Nature is aginst it," sez he.
+
+But I sez firmly, "Bees and lots of other insects and animals always have
+a female for queen and ruler. They rule blindly and entirely, right on
+through the centuries, but we are enlightened and should not encourage it.
+In my opinion the male bee has just as good a right to be monarch as his
+female pardner has, if he is as good and knows as much. I never believed in
+the female workin' ones killin' off the male drones to save winterin' 'em;
+they might give 'em some light chores to do round the hive to pay for their
+board. I love justice and that would be _my_ way."
+
+Agin he sithed. "Modern history don't seem to favor the scheme--" But his
+axent wuz as weak as a cat and his boughten smile seemed crackin' and
+wearin' out; he knowed better.
+
+Sez I, "We won't argy long on that p'int, for I might overwhelm you if
+I approved of overwhelmin', but, will merely ask you to cast one eye on
+England. Was the rain of Victoria the Good less peaceful and prosperous
+than that of the male rulers who preceded her? And you can then throw your
+other eye over to Holland: is their sweet queen less worthy and beloved
+to-day than other European monarchs? And is her throne more shaky and
+tottlin' than theirn?"
+
+He didn't try to dispute me and bowed his head on his breast in a almost
+meachin' way. He knowed he wuz beat on every side, and almost to the end of
+his chain of rusty, broken old arguments. But anon he brightened up agin
+and sez, ketchin' holt of the last shackly link of his argument:
+
+"You seem to place a great deal of dependence on the Bible. The Bible is
+aginst the idee. The Bible teaches man's supremacy, man's absolute power
+and might and authority."
+
+"Why, how you talk," sez I. "In the very first chapter the Bible tells how
+man wuz turned right round by a woman, tells how she not only turned man
+round to do as she wanted him to, but turned the hull world over.
+
+"That hain't nothin' I approve of; I don't speak of it because I like the
+idee. That wuzn't done in a open honorable manner as things should be done.
+No, Eve ruled by indirect influence, the gently influencing men way, that
+politicians are so fond of. And she brought ruin and destruction onto the
+hull world by it.
+
+"A few years later when men and wimmen grew wiser, when we hear of wimmen
+rulin' Israel openly and honestly, like Miriam, Deborah and other likely
+old four mothers, things went on better. They didn't act meachin' and
+tempt, and act indirect."
+
+He sithed powerful and sot round oneasy in his chair. And sez he, "I
+thought wimmen wuz taught by the Bible to serve and love their homes."
+
+"So they be. And every true woman loves to serve. Home is my supreme
+happiness and delight, and my best happiness is found in servin' them I
+love. But I must tell the truth, in the house or outdoors."
+
+Sez he faintly, "The Old Testament may teach that women have some strength
+and power. But in the New Testament in every great undertaken' and plan men
+have been chosen by God to carry them through."
+
+"Why-ee!" sez I, "how you talk! Have you ever read the Bible?"
+
+He said evasively, his grandmother owned one, and he had seen it in early
+youth. And then he went on in a sort of apologizin' way. He had always
+meant to read it, but he had entered political life at an early age where
+the Bible wuzn't popular, and he believed that he had never read further
+than the Epistles of Gulliver to the Liliputians.
+
+Sez I, "That hain't Bible, there hain't no Gulliver in it, and you mean
+Galatians."
+
+Well, he said, that might be it, it wuz some man he knew, and he had always
+heard and believed that man wuz the only worker that God had chosen.
+
+"Why," sez I, "the one great theme of the New Testament--the salvation of
+the world through the birth of Christ--no man had anything to do with. Our
+divine Lord wuz born of God and Woman. Heavenly plan of redemption for
+fallen humanity. God Himself called woman into that work, the divine work
+of saving a world, and why shouldn't she continue in it? God called her.
+Mary had no dream of publicity, no desire of a world's work of suffering
+and renunciation. The soft air of Galilee wropped her about in its sweet
+content, as she dreamed her quiet dreams in maiden peace--dreamed, perhaps,
+of domestic love and happiness.
+
+"From that sweetest silence, the restful peace of happy innocent girlhood,
+God called her to her divine work of helpin' redeem a world from sin. And
+did not this woman's love and willin' obedience, and sufferin' set her
+apart, baptize her for this work of liftin' up the fallen, helpin' the
+weak?
+
+[Illustration: "He'd entered political life where the Bible wuzn't
+popular; he'd never read further than Gulliver's Epistle to the
+Liliputians."]
+
+"Is it not a part of woman's life that she gave at the birth and
+crucifixion? Her faith, her hope, her sufferin', her glow of divine pity
+and joyful martyrdom. These, mingled with the divine, the pure heavenly,
+have they not for nineteen hundred years been blessin' the world? The God
+in Christ would awe us too much; we would shield our eyes from the too
+blindin' glory of the pure God-like. But the tender Christ who wept over a
+sinful city, and the grave of His friend, who stopped dyin' on the cross
+to comfort His mother's heart, provide for her future--it is this womanly
+element in our Lord's nature that makes us dare to approach Him, dare to
+kneel at His feet?
+
+"And since woman wuz so blessed as to be counted worthy to be co-worker
+with God in the beginnin' of the world's redemption; since He called
+her from the quiet obscurity of womanly rest and peace into the blessed
+martyrdom of renunciation and toil and sufferin', all to help a world that
+cared nothin' for her, that cried out shame upon her.
+
+"He will help her carry on the work of helpin' a sinful world. He will
+protect her in it, she cannot be harmed or hindered, for the cause she
+loves of helpin' men and wimmen, is God's cause too, and God will take care
+of His own. Herods full of greed and frightened selfishness may try to
+break her heart by efforts to kill the child she loves, but she will hold
+it so clost to her bosom he can't destroy it; and the light of the Divine
+will go before her, showin' the way through the desert and wilderness
+mebby, but she shall bear it into safety."
+
+"You spoke of Herod," sez he dreamily, "the name sounds familiar to me. Was
+not Mr. Herod once in the United States Senate?"
+
+"Not that one," sez I. "He died some time ago, but I guess he has relatives
+there now, judgin' from laws made there. You ask who Herod wuz, and as it
+all seems a new story to you, I will tell you. When the Saviour of the
+world wuz born in Bethlehem, and a woman wuz tryin' to save His life, a man
+by the name of Herod wuz tryin' his best out of selfishness and greed to
+murder Him."
+
+"Ah! that was not right in Herod."
+
+"No, it hain't been called so. And what wuzn't right in him hain't right in
+his relations who are tryin' to do the same thing to-day. Sellin' for money
+the right to destroy the child the mother carries on her heart. Surroundin'
+him with temptations so murderous, yet so enticin' to youthful spirits,
+that the mother feels that as the laws are now, the grave is the only place
+of safety that God Himself can find for her boy. But because Herod wuz so
+mean it hain't no sign that all men are mean. Joseph wuz as likely as he
+could be."
+
+"Joseph?" sez he pensively. "Do you allude to our venerable speaker, Joe
+Cannon?"
+
+"No," sez I. "I'm talkin' Bible--I'm talkin' about Joseph; jest plain
+Joseph."
+
+"Ah! I see. I am not fully familiar with that work. Being so engrossed in
+politics, and political literature, I don't git any time to devote to less
+important publications."
+
+Sez I candidly, "I knew you hadn't read it the minute you mentioned the
+book of Liliputians. But as I wuz sayin', Joseph wuz a likely man. He had
+the strength to lead the way, overcome obstacles, keep dangers from Mary,
+protect her tenderer form with the mantilly of his generous devotion.
+
+"_But she carried the Child on her bosom_; ponderin' high things in
+her heart that Joseph never dreamed of. That is what is wanted now, and
+in the future. The man and the woman walkin' side by side. He a little
+ahead, mebby, to keep off dangers by his greater strength and courage. She
+a-carryin' the infant Christ of Love, bearin' the baby Peace in her bosom,
+carryin' it into safety from them that seek to destroy it.
+
+"And as I said before, if God called woman into this work, He will enable
+her to carry it through. He will protect her from her own weaknesses, and
+the misapprehensions and hard judgments and injustices of a gain-sayin'
+world.
+
+"Yes, the star of hope is risin' in the sky brighter and brighter, and
+wise men are even now comin' to the mother of the new Redeemer, led by the
+star."
+
+He sot demute. Silence rained for some time; and finally I spoke out
+solemnly through the rain:
+
+"Will you do Serepta's errents? Will you give her her rights? And will you
+break the Whiskey Ring?"
+
+He said he would love to do the errents, I had convinced him that it would
+be just and right to do 'em, but the Constitution of the United States
+stood up firm aginst 'em. As the laws of the United States wuz, he could
+not make any move toward doin' either of the errents.
+
+Sez I, "Can't the laws be changed?"
+
+"Be changed? Change the laws of the United States? Tamper with the glorious
+Constitution that our fore-fathers left us--an immortal sacred legacy."
+
+He jumped up on his feet and his second-hand smile fell off. He kinder
+shook as if he wuz skairt most to death and tremblin' with horrow. He did
+it to skair me, I knew, but I knowed I meant well towards the Constitution
+and our old forefathers; and my principles stiddied me and held me firm and
+serene. And when he asked me agin in tones full of awe and horrow:
+
+"Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin' the
+unalterable laws of the United States--tampering with the Constitution?"
+
+"Yes, that is what I said. Hain't they never been changed?"
+
+He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see that
+he could not skair me to death; an' sez he, "Oh, yes, they've been changed
+in cases of necessity."
+
+Sez I, "For instance durin' the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make Northern
+men cheap bloodhounds and hunters."
+
+"Yes," he said, "it seemed to be a case of necessity and economy."
+
+"I know it," sez I; "men wuz cheaper than any other breed of bloodhounds
+the slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with, and more
+faithful."
+
+"Yes," he said, "it wuz a case of clear economy."
+
+And sez I: "The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers."
+
+"Well, yes," he said, "it had been changed to enable whiskey dealers to
+utilize the surplus liquor they import."
+
+Sez he, gittin' kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familar
+theme, "Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly calculate
+how much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than have the
+whiskey dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And then," sez he,
+growin' still more candid in his excitement, "we are makin' a powerful
+effort to change the laws now so as to take the tax off of whiskey, so it
+can be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater quantities by the masses. Any
+such great laws would justify a change in the Constitution and the laws;
+but for any frivolous cause, any trivial cause, madam, we male custodians
+of the sacred Constitution stand as walls of iron before it, guarding it
+from any shadow of change. Faithful we will be, faithful unto death."
+
+Sez I, "As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I had
+convinced you that Serepta's errents wuz errents of truth and justice, and
+you would love to do 'em."
+
+"Well, yes, yes--I would love to--as it were--. But, my dear madam, much as
+I would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote to the cause of
+Right and Justice. I don't think you realize the constant pressure of hard
+work that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our day.
+
+"As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that the
+liquor dealers suffer no loss--we have to do that, of course."
+
+And he continued dreamily, as if losin' sight of me and talkin' to himself:
+"The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them loudly to
+please the common people, and help 'em secretly to please ourselves, or our
+richest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the Indian Agency, the Land
+Grabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are surrounded by a host of
+bandits that we have to appease and profit by; oh, how these matters wear
+into the gray matter of our brains!"
+
+"Gray matter!" sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest height, "I
+should call it black matter!"
+
+"Well, the name is immaterial, but these labors, though pocket filling, are
+brain wearing. And of late I and the rest of our loyal henchmen have been
+worn out in our labors in tariff revision. You know how we claim to help
+the common people by the revision; you've probable read about it in the
+papers."
+
+"Yes," sez I coldly, "I've hearn _talk_."
+
+"Yes," sez he, "but if we do succeed, after the most strenious efforts in
+getting the duty off champagne, green turtle, olives, etc., and put on to
+sugar, tea, cotton cloth and such like, with all this brain fag and brain
+labor--"
+
+"And tongue labor!" sez I in a icy axent.
+
+"Yes, after all this ceaseless toil the common people will not show any
+gratitude; we statesmen labor oft with aching hearts." And he leaned his
+forward on his hand and sithed.
+
+But my looks wuz like ice-suckles on the north side of a barn. And I
+stopped his complaints and his sithes by askin' in a voice that demanded a
+reply:
+
+"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents? Errents full of truth and
+justice and eternal right?"
+
+He said he knew they wuz jest runnin' over with them qualities, but happy
+as it would make him to do 'em, he had to refuse owin' to the fur more
+important matters he had named, and the many, many other laws and preambles
+that he hadn't time to name over to me. "Mebby you have heard," sez
+he, "that we are now engaged in making most important laws concerning
+moth-millers, and minny fish, and hog cholera. And take it with these
+important bills and the constant strain on our minds in tryin' to pass laws
+to increase our own salaries, you can see jest how cramped we are for time.
+And though we would love to pass some laws of truth and righteousness--we
+fairly ache to--yet not havin' the requisite time we are forced to lay 'em
+on the table or under it."
+
+"Well," sez I, "I guess I may as well be a-goin'." And I bid him a cool
+goodbye and started for the door. But jest as my hand wuz on the nub he
+jumped up and opened the door, wearin' that boughten second-hand smile agin
+on his linement, and sez he:
+
+"Dear madam, perhaps Senator B. will do the errents for you."
+
+Sez I, "Where is Senator B.?" And he said I would find him at his Post of
+Duty at the Capitol.
+
+"Well," I said, "I will hunt up the Post," and did. A grand enough place
+for a Emperor or a Zar is the Capitol of our great nation where I found
+him, a good natured lookin' boy in buttons showin' me the Post.
+
+
+
+
+VII
+
+"NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"
+
+
+Well, Senator B. wanted to do the errents but said it wuz not his place,
+and sent me to Senator C., and he almost cried, he wanted to do 'em so bad,
+but stern duty tied him to his Post, he said, and he sent me to Senator D.,
+and he _did_ cry onto his handkerchief, he wanted to do the errents so
+bad, and said it would be such a good thing to have 'em done. He bust right
+into tears as he said he had to refuse to do 'em. Whether they wuz wet
+tears or dry ones I couldn't tell, his handkerchief wuz so big, but I hearn
+his sithes, and they wuz deep and powerful ones.
+
+But as I sez to him, "Wet tears, nor dry ones, nor windy sithes didn't help
+do the errents." So I went on his sobbin' advice to Senator E., and he wuz
+huffy and didn't want to do 'em and said so. And said his wife had thirteen
+children, and wimmen instead of votin' ort to go and do likewise.
+
+And I told him it wouldn't look well in onmarried wimmen and widders, and
+if they should foller her example folks would talk.
+
+And he said, "They ort to marry."
+
+And I said, "As the fashion is now, wimmen had to wait for some man to ask
+'em, and if they didn't come up to the mark and ask 'em, who wuz to blame?"
+
+He wouldn't answer, and looked sulky, but honest, and wouldn't tell me who
+to go to to git the errents done.
+
+But jest outside his door I met the Senator I had left sobbin' over the
+errents. He looked real hilarious, but drawed his face down when he ketched
+my eye, and sithed several times, and sent me to Senator F. and he sent me
+to Senator G.
+
+And suffice it to say I wuz sent round, and talked to, and cried at, and
+sulked to, and smiled at and scowled at, and encouraged and discouraged,
+'till my head swum and my knees wobbled under me. And with all my efforts
+and outlay of oratory and shue leather not one of Serepta Pester's errents
+could I git done, and no hopes held out of their ever bein' done. And about
+the middle of the afternoon I gin up, there wuz no use in tryin' any longer
+and I turned my weary tracks towards the outside door. But as bad as I
+felt, I couldn't help my sperit bein' lifted up some by the grandeur about
+me.
+
+Oh, my land! to stand in the immense hall and look up, and up, and see all
+the colors of the rain-bow and see what wonderful pictures there wuz up
+there in the sky above me as it were. Why, it seemed curiouser than any
+Northern lights I ever see in my life, and they stream up dretful curious
+sometimes. And as I walked through that lofty and most beautiful place and
+realized the size and majestic proportions of the buildin' I wondered to
+myself that a small law, a little unjust law could ever be passed in such
+grand and magnificent surroundin's. And I sez to myself, it can't be the
+fault of the place anyway; the law-makers have a chance for their souls
+to soar if they want to, here is room and to spare to pass laws big as
+elephants and camels, and I wondered that they should ever try to pass laws
+as small as muskeeters and nats. Thinkses I, I wonder them little laws
+don't git to strollin' round and git lost in them magnificent corridors.
+But I consoled myself, thinkin' it wouldn't be no great loss if they did.
+But right here, as I wuz thinkin' on these deep and lofty subjects, I met
+the good natured young chap that had showed me round and he sez:
+
+"You look fatigued, mom." (Soarin' even to yourself is tuckerin'.) "You
+look very fatigued; won't you take something?"
+
+I looked at him with a curious silent sort of a look; for I didn't know
+what he meant. Agin he looked clost at me and sort o' pityin'; and sez he,
+"You look tired out, mom. Won't you take something? Let me treat you to
+something; what will you take, mom?"
+
+I thought he wuz actin' dretful liberal, but I knew they had strange ways
+in Washington anyway. And I didn't know but it wuz their way to make some
+present to every woman that comes there, and I didn't want to act awkward
+and out of style, so I sez:
+
+"I don't want to take anything, and don't see any reason why you should
+insist on't. But if I have got to take sunthin' I had jest as soon have a
+few yards of factory cloth as anything. That always comes handy."
+
+I thought that if he wuz determined to treat me to show his good feelin's
+towards me, I would git sunthin' useful and that would do me some good,
+else what wuz the good of bein' treated? And I thought that if I had got to
+take a present from a strange man, I would make a shirt for Josiah out of
+it. I thought that would save jealousy and make it right so fur as goodness
+went.
+
+"But," sez he, "I mean beer or wine or liquor of some kind."
+
+I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him.
+
+Sez he, "There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin'."
+
+Sez I in awful axents, "It is very appropriate to have it here handy!" Sez
+I, "Liquor duz more towards makin' the laws of the United States from
+Caucus to Convention than anything else duz, and it is highly proper to
+have it here so they can soak the laws in it right off before they lay 'em
+onto the table or under 'em, or pass 'em onto the people. It is highly
+appropriate," sez I.
+
+"Yes," sez he. "It is very handy for the Senators and Congressmen, and let
+me get you a glass."
+
+"No, you won't!" sez I firmly. "The nation suffers enough from that room
+now without havin' Josiah Allen's wife let in."
+
+Sez he, "If you have any feeling of delicacy in goin' in there, let me make
+some wine here. I will get a glass of water and make you some pure grape
+wine, or French brandy, or corn or rye whiskey. I have all the drugs right
+here." And he took a little box out of his pocket. "My father is a importer
+of rare old wines, and I know just how it is done. I have 'em all here,
+Capsicum, Coculus Indicus, alum, copperas, strychnine; I will make some of
+the choicest, oldest, and purest imported liquors we have in the country,
+in five minutes if you say so."
+
+"No!" sez I firmly, "when I want to foller Cleopatra's fashion and commit
+suicide, I will hire a rattlesnake and take my pizen as she did, on the
+outside."
+
+Well, I got back to Hiram Cagwin's tired as a dog, and Serepta's errents
+ondone. But my conscience opholded me and told me I had done my very best,
+and man or woman can do no more.
+
+Well, the next day but one wuz the big outdoor suffrage meetin'. And we sot
+off in good season, Hiram feelin' well enough to be left with the hired
+help. Polly started before we did with some of her college mates, lookin'
+pretty as a pink with a red rose pinned over a achin' heart, so I spoze,
+for she loved the young man who wuz out with another girl May-flowering.
+Burnin' zeal and lofty principle can't take the place in a woman's heart of
+love and domestic happiness, and men needn't be afraid it will. There is no
+more danger on't than there is of a settin' hen wantin' to leave her nest
+to be a commercial traveler. Nature has made laws for wimmen and hens that
+no ballot, male or female, can upset.
+
+Josiah and Lorinda and I went in the trolley in good season, so's to git a
+sightly place, Lorinda protestin' all the time aginst the indelicacy and
+impropriety of wimmen's appearin' in outdoor meetin's, forgittin', I spose,
+the dense procession of wimmen that fills the avenues every day, follerin'
+Fashion and Display. As nigh as I could make out the impropriety consisted
+in wimmen's follerin' after Justice and Right.
+
+Josiah's face looked dubersome. I guess he wuz worryin' over his offer to
+represent me, and thinkin' of Aunt Susan and the twins.
+
+But as it turned out I met Diantha while Josiah wuz in a shop buyin' some
+peppermint lozengers, and she said her niece had come from the West, and
+they got along all right. So that lifted my burden. But I thought best not
+to tell Josiah, as he wuz so bound to represent me. I thought it wouldn't
+do any hurt to let him think it over about the job a man took on himself
+when he sot out to represent a woman. They wouldn't like it in lots of
+ways, as willin' as they seem to be in print.
+
+Wimmen go through lots of things calm and patient that would make a man
+flinch and shy off like a balky horse, and visey versey. I wouldn't want
+to represent Josiah lots of times, breakin' colts, ploughin' greensward,
+cuttin' cord-wood etc., etc. Men and wimmen want equal legal rights to
+represent themselves and their own sex which are different, and always must
+be, and both sexes don't want to be hampered and sot down on by the other
+one. That is gauldin' to human nater, male or female.
+
+We got a good place nigh the speakers' stand, and we hadn't stood there
+long before the parade hove in sight, the yeller banners streamin' out like
+sunshine on a rainy day, police outriders, music, etc.
+
+More than a hundred automobiles led the parade and five times as many
+wimmen walkin' afoot. A big grand-stand with the lady speakers and
+their friends on it, all dressed pretty as pinks. For the old idee that
+suffragists don't care for attractive dress and domestic life wuz exploded
+long ago, and many other old superstitions went up in the blaze.
+
+Those of us who have gray hair can remember when if a man spoke favorably
+of women's rights the sarcastic question was asked him: "How old is Susan
+B. Anthony?"
+
+And this fine wit and cuttin' ridicule would silence argument and quench
+the spirit of the upholder.
+
+But the world moves. Susan's memory is beloved and revered, and the
+contemptious ridicule of the onthinkin' and ignorant only nourished the
+laurels the world lays on her tomb.
+
+At that time accordin' to popular opinion a suffragist wuz a slatternly
+woman with uncombed locks, dangling shoe strings, and bloomers, stridin'
+through an unswept house onmindful of dirty children or hungry husband, but
+the world moves onward and public opinion with it. Suffragists are the best
+mothers, the best housekeepers, the best dressers of any wimmen in the
+land. Search the records and you'll find it so, and why?
+
+Because they know sunthin', it takes common sense to make a gooseberry
+pie as it ort to be. And the more a woman knows and the more justice she
+demands, the better for her husband. The same sperit that rebels at tyranny
+and injustice rebels at dirt, disorder, discomfort, and all unpleasant
+conditions.
+
+I looked ahead with my mind's eye and see them pretty college girls settled
+down in pleasant homes of their own, where sanitary laws prevailed,
+where the babies wuzn't fed pickles and cabbage, and kep' in air-tight
+enclosures. Where the husbands did not have to go outside their own homes
+to find cheer and comfort, and intelligent conversation, and where Love and
+Common Sense walked hand in hand toward Happiness and Contentment, Justice,
+with her blinders offen her eyes, goin' ahead on 'em. I never liked the
+idee of Justice wearin' them bandages over her eyes. She ort to have both
+eyes open; if anybody ever needed good eyesight she duz, to choose the
+straight and narrer road, lookin' backward to see the mistakes she has made
+in the past, so's to shun 'em in the future, and lookin' all round her in
+the present to see where she can help matters, and lookin' fur off in the
+future to the bright dawn of a Tomorrow. To the shinin' mount of Equal
+Rights and full Liberty. Where she sees men and wimmen standin' side by
+side with no halters or hamperin' hitchin' straps on either on 'em. He more
+gentle and considerate, and she less cowardly and emotional.
+
+Good land! what could Justice do blind in one eye and wimmen on the blind
+side? But good sensible wimmen are reachin' up and pullin' the bandages
+offen her eyes. She's in a fair way to git her eyesight. But I'm
+eppisodin', and to resoom forward.
+
+
+
+
+VIII
+
+"OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"
+
+
+There wuz some pleasant talkin' and jokin' between bystanders and
+suffragettes, and then some good natured but keen and sensible speeches.
+And one pretty speaker told about the doin's at Albany and Washington. How
+women's respectful pleas for justice are treated there. How the law-makers,
+born and nussed by wimmen and dependent on 'em for comfort and happiness,
+use the wimmen's tax money to help make laws makin' her of no legal
+importance only as helpless figgers to hang taxation and punishment on.
+
+Old Mom Nater had been listenin' clost, her sky-blue eyes shinin' with joy
+to see her own sect present such a noble appearance in the parade. But
+when these insults and indignities wuz brung up to her mind agin and she
+realized afresh how wimmen couldn't git no more rights accorded to her than
+a dog or a hen, and worse. For a hen or a dog wouldn't be taxed to raise
+money for turkle soup and shampain to nourish the law-makers whilst they
+made the laws agin 'em--Mom Nater's eyes clouded over with indignation and
+resentment, and she boo-hooed right out a-cryin'. Helpless tears, of no
+more account than other females have shed, and will, as they set on their
+hard benches with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.
+
+Of course she wiped up her tears pretty soon, not willin' to lose any of
+the wimmen's bright speeches. But when her tear-drops fell fast, Josiah sez
+to me, "You'll see them wimmen run like hikers now, wimmen always thought
+more of shiffon and fol-de-rols than they did of principle."
+
+But I sez, "Wait and see," (we wuz under a awnin' and protected).
+
+But the young and pretty speaker who wore a light silk dress and exquisite
+bunnet, kep' right on talkin' jest as calmly as if she didn't know her
+pretty dress wuz bein' spilte and her bunnet gittin' wet as sop, and I sez
+to Josiah:
+
+"When wimmen are so in earnest, and want anything so much they can stand
+soakin' in their best dresses, and let their Sunday bunnets be spilte on
+their heads, not noticin' 'em seemin'ly, but keep right on pleadin' for
+right and justice, they are in a fair way of gittin' what they are after."
+
+He looked kinder meachin' but didn't dispute me.
+
+The speeches wuz beautiful and convincin', and pretty soon old Mom Nater
+stopped cryin' to hear 'em, and she and I both listened full of joy and
+happiness to see with what eloquence and justice our sect wuz pleadin' our
+cause. Their arguments wuz so reasonable and convincin' that I said to
+myself, I don't see how anybody can help bein' converted to this righteous
+cause, the liftin' up of wimmen from her uncomfortable crouchin' poster
+with criminals and idiots, up to the place she should occupy by the side
+of other good citizens of the United States, with all the legal and moral
+rights that go with that noble title.
+
+And right whilst I wuz thinkin' this, sunthin' wuz happenin' that proved
+I wuz right in my eppisodin', and somebody awful sot agin it wuz bein'
+converted then and there (but of this more anon and bom-bye). We stayed
+till we heard the last word of the last speech, I happy and proud in
+sperit, Lorinda partly converted, she couldn't help it, though she wouldn't
+own up to it at that juncter. And Josiah lookin' real deprested, the
+thought of representin' me wuz worryin' him I knew, for I hearn him say
+(soty vosy), "Represent wimmen or not, I hain't goin' to set up all night
+with no old woman, and lift her round, nor dry nuss no twins."
+
+And thinkin' his sperit wuz pierced to a sufficient depth by his
+apprehension, so reason could be planted and take root, and he wouldn't be
+so anxious in the future to represent a woman, I told him what Diantha said
+and we all went home in good sperits. The sun shone clear, the rain had
+washed the face of the Earth till it shone, and everything looked gay and
+joyous.
+
+When we got to Lorinda's we see a auto standin' in front of the door full
+of flowery branches in front and the pink posies lookin' no more bright and
+rosy than the faces of the two young folks settin' there. It wuz Polly and
+Royal.
+
+It seemed that when he and Maud got back from the country (and they didn't
+stay long, Royal wuz so restless and oneasy) Maud insisted on his takin'
+her to the suffrage meetin' jest to make fun on't, so I spoze. She thought
+she had rubbed out Polly's image and made a impression herself on Royal's
+heart that only needed stompin' in a little deeper, and she thought
+ridicule would be the stomper she needed.
+
+But when they got to the meetin' and he see Polly settin' like a lily
+amongst flowers, and read in her lovely face the earnest desire to lift the
+burden from the heavy laden, comfort the sorrowful, right the wrong, and do
+what she could in her day and generation--
+
+I spoze his eyes could only see her sweet face. But he couldn't help his
+ears from hearin' the reasonable, eloquent words of earnest and womanly
+wimmen, so full of good sense and truth and justice that no reasonable
+person could dispute 'em, and when he contrasted all this with the sneerin'
+face, the sarcastic egotistic prattle of Maud, the veil dropped from his
+eyes, and he see with the New Vision.
+
+You know how it wuz with Saul the Scoffer who went breathin' out vengeance,
+and Eternal Right stopped him on his way with its great light. Well, I
+spoze it wuz a bright ray from that same light that shone down into Royal's
+heart and made him see. He wuz always good hearted and generous--men have
+always been better than the laws they have made. He left Maud at her home
+not fur away and hastened back, way-laid Polly, and bore her home in
+triumph and a thirty-horse-power car.
+
+It don't make much difference I spoze how or where anybody is converted.
+The Bible speaks of some bein' ketched out of the fire, and I spoze it is
+about the same if they are ketched out of the rain. 'Tennyrate the same
+rain that washed some of the color off Maud's cheeks, seemed to wash away
+the blindin' mist of prejudice and antagonism from Royal's mental vision,
+leavin' his sperit ready for the great white light of truth and justice
+to strike in. And that very day and hour he come round to Polly's way of
+thinkin', and bein' smart as a whip and so rich, I suppose he will be a
+great accusation to the cause.
+
+Well, the next day but one the Allens met in a pleasant grove on the river
+shore and we had a good growin' time. Royal bein' as you may say one of the
+family, took us all to the grove in his big tourin' car, and the fourth
+trip he took Polly alone, and wuzn't it queer that, though the load wuz fur
+lighter, it took him three times as long as the other three trips together?
+Why, they never got there till dinner wuz on the table, and then they
+didn't seem to care a mite about the extra good food.
+
+But I made allowances, for as I looked into their glowin' faces I knowed
+they wuz partakin' of fruit from the full branches of first love, true
+love. Rich fruit that gives the divinest satisfaction of any this old earth
+affords. Food that never changes through the centuries, though fashion
+often changes, and riotous plenty or food famine may exalt or depress the
+sperit of the householder. Nothin' but time has any power over this divine
+fruitage. He gradually, as the light of the honeymoon wanes, whets his old
+scythe and mows down some of the luxuriant branches, either cuttin' a full
+swath, or one at a time, and the blessed consumers have to come down to the
+ordinary food of mortals. But this wuz still fur away from them.
+
+And I knowed too that the ordinary food of ordinary mortals partook of
+under the full harvest moon of domestic comfort and contentment wuz not to
+be despised, though fur different. And the light fur different from the
+glow and the glamour that wropped them two together and all the rest of the
+world away from 'em.
+
+But I'm eppisodin' too much, and to resoom forward.
+
+As I said, we had a happy growin' time at the Reunion, Josiah bein' in fine
+feather to see the relation on his side presentin' such a noble appearance.
+And like a good wife I sympathized with him in his pride and happiness,
+though I told him they didn't present any better appearance than the same
+number of Smiths would. And their cookin', though excellent, wuz no better
+than the Smiths could cook if they sot out to.
+
+He bein' so good natered didn't dispute me outright, but said he thought
+the Allens made better nut-cakes than the Smiths.
+
+But they don't, no such thing. In fact I think the Smith nut-cakes are
+lighter and have a more artistic twist to 'em and don't devour so much fat
+a-fryin'.
+
+But I'd hate to set Josiah down to any better vittles. I d'no as I would
+dast let him loose at the table at a Smith reunion, for he eat fur too much
+as it wuz. I had to give him five pepsin lozengers and some pepper tea. And
+then I looked out all night for night mairs to ride on his chist. But he
+come through it alive though with considerable pain.
+
+We stayed two or three days longer with Lorinda, and then she and Hiram
+went part way with us as we visited our way home. We've got relations
+livin' all along the river that we owed visits to. And we went to see a
+number of 'em and enjoyed our four selves first rate. These things all took
+place more than a year ago and another man sets in the high chair, before
+which I laid Serepta's errents, a man not so hefty mebby weighed by common
+steelyards, but one of noble weight judged by mental and moral scales.
+
+I d'no whether I'd had any better luck if I'd presented Serepta's errents
+to him. Sometimes when I look in the kind eyes of his picter, and read his
+noble and eloquent words that I believe come from his very soul, I think
+mebby I'd been more lucky if he'd sot in the chair that day. But then I
+d'no, there are so many influences and hendrances planted like thorns in
+the cushion of that chair that a man, no matter how earnest he strives to
+do jest right, can't help bein' pricked by 'em and held back. And I know he
+could never done them errents in the time she sot, but I'm in hopes he'll
+throw his powerful influence jest as fur as he can on the side of right,
+and justice to all the citizens of the U.S., wimmen as well as men.
+
+'Tennyrate, he has showed more heroism now than many soldiers who risk life
+on the battle field. For the worst foe to fight and conquer is Ridicule;
+and he and others in high places have attackted Fashion so entrenched in
+the solid armour of Habit that most public men wouldn't have dasted to take
+arms agin it.
+
+And the long waves of Time must swash up agin the shores of Eternity,
+before the good it has done can be estimated. How fur the influence has
+extended. How many weak wills been strengthened. How many broken hearts
+healed. How many young lives inspired to nobler and saner living.
+
+But to resoom forward, I can't nor won't carry them errents of Serepta's
+there again. It is too wearin' for one of my age and my rheumatiz. What a
+tedious time I did put in there. It wuz a day long to be remembered by me.
+
+
+
+
+IX
+
+THE WOMEN'S PARADE
+
+
+Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He'd took off a
+big crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he'd sent to New
+York, an' he sez to me:
+
+"That consarned Middleman is cheatin' me the worst kind. I know the yaller
+Plymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor'n the white Leghorns; they're bigger
+and it stands to reason they're worth more, and he don't give nigh so much.
+I believe he eats 'em himself and that's why he wants to git 'em cheaper."
+
+"No Middleman," sez I, "could eat fifty dozen a week."
+
+"He could if he eat enough at one time. 'Tennyrate, I'm goin' to New York
+to see about it."
+
+"When are you goin'?" sez I.
+
+"I'm goin' to-morrow mornin'. I'm goin' in onexpected and I lay out to
+catch him devourin' them big eggs himself."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez I. "The idee!"
+
+"Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry. Don't
+you remember what one on 'em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and what he writ
+back? He'd sent a great load of potatoes to him and he didn't get hardly
+anything for 'em, only their big bill for sellin' 'em. They charged him for
+freightage, carage, storage, porterage, weightage, and to make their bill
+longer, they put in _ratage_ and _satage_.
+
+"Uncle Sime writ back 'You infarnel thief, you, put in "stealage" and keep
+the whole on't.'"
+
+But I sez, "They're not all dishonest. There are good men among 'em as well
+as bad."
+
+"Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for
+'ratage' and 'satage' I'm goin' to see what they are, and how they look."
+
+"Well," sez I, "if you're bound to go, I'll get up and get a good breakfast
+and go with you." It was the day of the Woman's Suffrage Parade and I
+wanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog, and had ever since I hearn of it.
+Though some of the Jonesvillians felt different. The Creation Searchin'
+Society wuz dretful exercised about it. The President's stepma is a strong
+She Aunty and has always ruled Philander with an iron hand. I've always
+noticed that women who didn't want any rights always took the right to have
+their own way. But 'tennyrate Philander come up a very strong He Aunty.
+And he felt that the Creation Searchers ort to go to New York that day to
+assist the Aunties in sneerin' at the marchers, writin' up the parade,
+and helpin' count 'em. Philander wuz always good at figures, specially at
+subtraction, and he and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help.
+
+I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn't need no help at that.
+
+But Philander called a meetin' of the Creation Searchers to make
+arrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin' wuz a
+powerful effort. And the members most all on 'em believin' as he did--they
+said it wuz a dretful interestin' meetin'. Sunthin' like a love feast, only
+more wrought up and excitin'.
+
+The editor of the _Auger_ printed the whole thing in his paper, and
+said it give a staggerin' blow agin Woman's Suffrage, and he didn't know
+but it wuz a death blow--he hoped it wuz.
+
+"A Woman's Parade," sez Philander, "is the most abominable sight ever seen
+on our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed up in fine clothes
+standin' up on her feet, and paradin' herself before strange men. Oh! how
+bold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder," says he, "the She Aunties are shocked
+at the sight, and say they marched to attract the attention of men. Why
+can't women stay to home and set down and knit? And then men would love
+'em. But if they keep on with these bold, forward actions, men won't love
+'em, and they will find out so. And it has always been, and is now, man's
+greatest desire and chiefest aim he has aimed at, to protect women, to
+throw the shinin' mantilly of his constant devotion about her delikit form
+and shield her and guard her like the very apples in his eyes.
+
+"Woman is too sweet and tender a flower to have any such hardship put upon
+her, and it almost crazes a man, and makes him temporarily out of his head,
+to see women do anything to hazard that inheriant delicacy of hern, that
+always appealed so to the male man.
+
+"Let us go forth, clad in our principles (and ordinary clothing, of
+course), and show just where we stand on the woman question, and do all we
+can to assist the gentle feminine She Aunties. Lovely, retirin' females
+whose pictures we so often see gracin' the sensational newspapers. Their
+white womanly neck and shoulders, glitterin' with jewels, no brighter than
+their eyes. They don't appear there for sex appeal, or to win admiration.
+No indeed! No doubt they shrink from the publicity. And also shrink from
+making speeches in the Senate chambers or the halls of Justice, but will do
+so, angelic martyrs that they are, to hold their erring Suffrage sisters
+back from their brazen efforts at publicity and public speakin'."
+
+They said his speech wuz cheered wildly, give out for publication, and
+entered into the moments of the Society.
+
+But after all, it happened real curious the day of the Parade every leadin'
+Creation Searcher had some impediment in his way, and couldn't go, and of
+course, the Society didn't want to go without its leaders.
+
+Mis' Philander Daggett, the president's wife, wuz paperin' her settin' room
+and parlor overhead. She wuz expectin' company and couldn't put it off.
+And bein' jest married, and thinkin' the world of her, Philander said he
+dassent leave home for fear she'd fall offen the barrel and break her neck.
+She had a board laid acrost two barrels to stand up on. And every day
+Philander would leave his outside work and come into the house, and set
+round and watch her--he thought so much of her. I suppose he wanted to
+catch her if she fell. But I didn't think she would fall. She is young and
+tuff, and she papered it real good, though it wuz dretful hard on her arm
+sockets and back.
+
+And the Secretary's wife wuz puttin' in a piece of onions. She thought she
+would make considerable by it, and she will, if onions keep up. But it is
+turrible hard on a woman's back to weed 'em. But she is ambitious; she
+raised a flock of fifty-six turkeys last year besides doin' her house
+work, and makin' seventy-five yards of rag carpet. And she thought onions
+wouldn't be so wearin' on her as turkeys, for onions, she said, will stay
+where they are put, but turkeys are born wanderers and hikers. And they led
+her through sun and rain, swamp and swale, uphill and downhill, a-chasin'
+'em up, but she made well by 'em. Well, in puttin' in her onion seed, she
+overworked herself and got a crick in her back, so she couldn't stir hand
+nor foot for two days. And bein' only just them two, her husband had to
+stay home to see to things.
+
+And the Treasurer's wife is canvassin' for the life of William J. Bryan.
+And wantin' to make all she could, she took a longer tramp than common, and
+didn't hear of the Parade or meetin' of the C.S.S. at all. She writ home
+a day or two before the meetin', that she wuz goin' as long as her legs
+held out, and they needn't write to her, for she didn't know where she
+would be.
+
+Well, of course, the Creation Searchers didn't want to go without their
+officers. They said they couldn't make no show if they did. So they give up
+goin'. But I spoze they made fun of the Woman's Parade amongst theirselves,
+and mourned over their indelikit onwomanly actions, and worried about it
+bein' too hard for 'em, and sneered at 'em considerable.
+
+Well, Josiah always loves to have me with him, an' though he'd made light
+of the Parade, he didn't object to my goin'. And suffice it to say that we
+arrove at that Middleman's safe and sound, though why we didn't git lost in
+that grand immense depo and wander 'round there all day like babes in the
+woods, is more'n I can tell.
+
+The Middleman wuzn't dishonest: he convinced Josiah on it. He had shipped
+the colored eggs somewhere, and of course he couldn't pay as much, and he
+never had hearn of _Ratage_ or _Satage_. He wuz a real pleasant
+Middleman, and hearing me say how much I wanted to see the Woman's Parade,
+he invited us to go upstairs and set by a winder, where there was a good
+view on't. We'd eat our lunch on the train and we accepted his invitation,
+and sot down by a winder then and there, though it wuz a hour or so before
+the time sot for the Parade. And I should have taken solid comfort watchin'
+the endless procession of men and women and vehicles of all sorts and
+descriptions, but Josiah made so many slightin' remarks on the dress of
+the females passin' below on the sidewalk, that it made me feel bad. And
+to tell the truth, though I didn't think best to own up to it to him, I
+_did_ blush for my sect to see the way some on 'em rigged themselves
+out.
+
+"See that thing!" Josiah sez, as a woman passed by with her hat drawed down
+over one eye, and a long quill standin' out straight behind more'n a foot,
+an' her dress puckered in so 'round the bottom, she couldn't have took a
+long step if a mad dog wuz chasin' her--to say nothin' of bein' perched up
+on such high heels, that she fairly tottled when she walked.
+
+Sez Josiah: "Does that _thing_ know enough to vote?"
+
+"No," sez I, reasonably, "she don't. But most probable if she had bigger
+things to think about she'd loosen the puckerin' strings 'round her ankles,
+push her hat back out of her eyes, an' get down on her feet again."
+
+"Why, Samantha," says he, "if you had on one of them skirts tied 'round
+your ankles, if I wuz a-dyin' on the upper shelf in the buttery, you
+couldn't step up on a chair to get to me to save your life, an' I'd have
+to die there alone."
+
+"Why should you be dyin' on the buttery shelf, Josiah?" sez I.
+
+"Oh, that wuz jest a figger of speech, Samantha."
+
+"But folks ort to be mejum in figgers of speech, Josiah, and not go too
+fur."
+
+"Do you think, Samantha, that anybody can go too fur in describin' them
+fool skirts, and them slit skirts, and the immodesty and indecensy of some
+of them dresses?"
+
+[Illustration: "Sez Josiah, 'Does that thing know enough to vote?'"]
+
+"I don't know as they can," sez I, sadly.
+
+"Jest look at that thing," sez he again.
+
+And as I looked, the hot blush of shame mantillied my cheeks, for I felt
+that my sect was disgraced by the sight. She wuz real pretty, but she
+didn't have much of any clothes on, and what she did wear wuzn't in the
+right place; not at all.
+
+Sez Josiah, "That girl would look much more modest and decent if she wuz
+naked, for then she might be took for a statute."
+
+And I sez, "I don't blame the good Priest for sendin' them away from the
+Lord's table, sayin', 'I will give no communion to a Jezabel.' And the pity
+of it is," sez I, "lots of them girls are innocent and don't realize what
+construction will be put on the dress they blindly copy from some furrin
+fashion plate."
+
+Then quite an old woman passed by, also robed or disrobed in the prevailin'
+fashion, and Josiah sez, soty vosy, "I should think she wuz old enough to
+know sunthin'. Who wants to see her old bones?" And he sez to me, real
+uppish, "Do you think them things know enough to vote?"
+
+But jest then a young man went by dressed fashionably, but if he hadn't had
+the arm of a companion, he couldn't have walked a step; his face wuz red
+and swollen, and dissipated, and what expression wuz left in his face wuz a
+fool expression, and both had cigarettes in their mouths, and I sez, "Does
+_that_ thing know enough to vote?" And jest behind them come a lot
+of furrin laborers, rough and rowdy-lookin', with no more expression in
+their faces than a mule or any other animal. "Do _they_ know enough
+to vote?" sez I. "As for the fitness for votin' it is pretty even on both
+sides. Good intelligent men ortn't to lose the right of suffrage for the
+vice and ignorance of some of their sect, and that argument is jest as
+strong for the other sect."
+
+But before Josiah could reply, we hearn the sound of gay music, and the
+Parade began to march on before us. First a beautiful stately figure seated
+fearlessly on a dancin' horse, that tossted his head as if proud of the
+burden he wuz carryin'. She managed the prancin' steed with one hand,
+and with the other held aloft the flag of our country. Jest as women ort
+to, and have to. They have got to manage wayward pardners, children and
+domestics who, no matter how good they are, will take their bits in their
+mouths, and go sideways some of the time, but can be managed by a sensible,
+affectionate hand, and with her other hand at the same time she can carry
+her principles aloft, wavin' in every domestic breeze, frigid or torrid,
+plain to be seen by everybody.
+
+Then come the wives and relations of Senators and Congressmen, showin' that
+bein' right on the spot they knowed what wimmen needed. Then the wimmen
+voters from free Suffrage states, showin' by their noble looks that votin'
+hadn't hurt 'em any. They carried the most gorgeous banner in the whole
+Parade. Then the Wimmen's Political Union, showin' plain in their faces
+that understandin' the laws that govern her ain't goin' to keep woman from
+looking beautiful and attractive.
+
+On and on they come, gray-headed women and curly-headed children from
+every station in life: the millionairess by the working woman, and the
+fashionable society woman by the business one. Two women on horseback,
+and one blowin' a bugle, led the way for the carriage of Madam Antoinette
+Blackwell. I wonder if she ever dreamed when she wuz tryin' to climb the
+hill of knowledge through the thorny path of sex persecution, that she
+would ever have a bugle blowed in front of her, to honor her for her
+efforts, and form a part of such a glorious Parade of the sect she give her
+youth and strength to free.
+
+How they swept on, borne by the waves of music, heralded by wavin' banners
+of purple and white and gold, bearin' upliftin' and noble mottoes.
+Physicians, lawyers, nurses, authors, journalists, artists, social workers,
+dressmakers, milliners, women from furrin countries dressed in their quaint
+costumes, laundresses, clerks, shop girls, college girls, all bearin' the
+pennants and banners of their different colleges: Vassar, Wellesley, Smith,
+etc., etc. High-school pupils, Woman's Suffrage League, Woman's Social
+League, and all along the brilliant line each division dressed in beautiful
+costumes and carryin' their own gorgeous banners. And anon or oftener all
+along the long, long procession bands of music pealin' out high and sweet,
+as if the Spirit of Music, who is always depictered as a woman, was glad
+and proud to do honor to her own sect. And all through the Parade you could
+see every little while men on foot and on horseback, not a great many, but
+jest enough to show that the really noble men wuz on their side. For, as
+I've said more formally, that is one of the most convincin' arguments for
+Woman's Suffrage. In fact, it don't need any other. That bad men fight
+against Women's Suffrage with all their might.
+
+Down by the big marble library, the grand-stand wuz filled with men seated
+to see their wives march by on their road to Victory. I hearn and believe,
+they wuz a noble-lookin' set of men. They had seen their wives in the past
+chasin' Fashion and Amusement, and why shouldn't they enjoy seein' them
+follow Principle and Justice? Well, I might talk all day and not begin
+to tell of the beauty and splendor of the Woman's Parade. And the most
+impressive sight to me wuz to see how the leaven of individual right and
+justice had entered into all these different classes of society, and how
+their enthusiasm and earnestness must affect every beholder.
+
+And in my mind I drawed pictures of the different modes of our American
+women and our English sisters, each workin' for the same cause, but in what
+a different manner. Of course, our English sisters may have more reason for
+their militant doin's; more unjust laws regarding marriage--divorce, and
+care of children, and I can't blame them married females for wantin' to
+control their own money, specially if they earnt it by scrubbin' floors
+and washin'. I can't blame 'em for not wantin' their husbands to take
+that money from them and their children, specially if they're loafers and
+drunkards. And, of course, there are no men so noble and generous as our
+American men. But jest lookin' at the matter from the outside and comparin'
+the two, I wuz proud indeed of our Suffragists.
+
+While our English sisters feel it their duty to rip and tear, burn and
+pillage, to draw attention to their cause, and reach the gole (which
+I believe they have sot back for years) through the smoke and fire of
+carnage, our American Suffragettes employ the gentle, convincin' arts of
+beauty and reason. Some as the quiet golden sunshine draws out the flowers
+and fruit from the cold bosom of the earth. Mindin' their own business,
+antagonizin' and troublin' no one, they march along and show to every
+beholder jest how earnest they be. They quietly and efficiently answer that
+argument of the She Auntys, that women don't want to vote, by a parade two
+hours in length, of twenty thousand. They answer the argument that the
+ballot would render women careless in dress and reckless, by organizin'
+and carryin' on a parade so beautiful, so harmonious in color and design
+that it drew out enthusiastic praise from even the enemies of Suffrage.
+They quietly and without argument answered the old story that women was
+onbusiness-like and never on time, by startin' the Parade the very minute
+it was announced, which you can't always say of men's parades.
+
+It wuz a burnin' hot day, and many who'd always argued that women hadn't
+strength enough to lift a paper ballot, had prophesied that woman wuz too
+delicately organized, too "fraguile," as Betsy Bobbet would say, to endure
+the strain of the long march in the torrid atmosphere.
+
+But I told Josiah that women had walked daily over the burning plow shares
+of duty and domestic tribulation, till their feet had got calloused, and
+could stand more'n you'd think for.
+
+And he said he didn't know as females had any more burnin' plow shares to
+tread on than men had.
+
+And I sez, "I didn't say they had, Josiah. I never wanted women to get more
+praise or justice than men. I simply want 'em to get as much--just an even
+amount; for," sez I, solemnly, "'male and female created He them.'"
+
+Josiah is a deacon, and when I quote Scripture, he has to listen
+respectful, and I went on: "I guess it wuz a surprise even to the marchers
+that of all the ambulances that kept alongside the Parade to pick up faint
+and swoonin' females, the only one occupied wuz by a man."
+
+Josiah denied it, but I sez, "I see his boots stickin' out of the ambulance
+myself." Josiah couldn't dispute that, for he knows I am truthful. But he
+sez, sunthin' in the sperit of two little children I hearn disputin'. Sez
+one: "It wuzn't so; you've told a lie."
+
+"Well," sez the other, "You broke a piece of china and laid it to me."
+
+Sez Josiah, "You may have seen a pair of men's boots a-stickin' out of the
+ambulance, but I'll bet they didn't have heels on 'em a inch broad, and
+five or six inches high."
+
+"No, Josiah," sez I, "you're right. Men think too much of their comfort and
+health to hist themselves up on such little high tottlin' things, and you
+didn't see many on 'em in the Parade."
+
+But he went on drivin' the arrow of higher criticism still deeper into
+my onwillin' breast. "I'll bet you didn't see his legs tied together at
+the ankles, or his trouses slit up the sides to show gauze stockin's and
+anklets and diamond buckles. And you didn't see my sect who honored the
+Parade by marchin' in it, have a goose quill half a yard long, standin'
+up straight in the air from a coal-scuttle hat, or out sideways, a hejus
+sight, and threatenin' the eyes of friend and foe."
+
+"And you didn't see many on 'em in the Parade," sez I agin. "Women, as they
+march along to Victory, have got to drop some of these senseless things.
+In fact, they are droppin' em. You don't see waists now the size of a hour
+glass. It is gettin' fashionable to breathe now, and women on their way to
+their gole will drop by the way their high heels; it will git fashionable
+to walk comfortable, and as they've got to take some pretty long steps to
+reach the ballot in 1916, it stands to reason they've got to have a skirt
+wide enough at the bottom to step up on the gole of Victory. It is a high
+step, Josiah, but women are goin' to take it. They've always tended to
+cleanin' their own house, and makin' it comfortable and hygenic for its
+members, big and little. And when they turn their minds onto the best way
+to clean the National house both sects have to live in to make it clean
+and comfortable and safe for the weak and helpless as well as for the
+strong--it stands to reason they won't have time or inclination to stand up
+on stilts with tied-in ankles, quilled out like savages."
+
+"Well," said Josiah, with a dark, forebodin' look on his linement, "_we
+shall see_."
+
+"Yes," sez I, with a real radiant look into the future. "_We shall
+see_, Josiah."
+
+But he didn't have no idea of the beautiful prophetic vision I beheld
+with the eyes of my sperit. Good men and good women, each fillin' their
+different spears in life, but banded together for the overthrow of evil,
+the uplift of the race.
+
+
+
+
+X
+
+"THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"
+
+
+It was only a few days after we got home from New York that Josiah come
+into the house dretful excited. He'd had a invitation to attend a meetin'
+of the Creation Searchin' Society.
+
+"Why," sez I, "did they invite you? You are not a member?"
+
+"No," sez he, "but they want me to help 'em be indignant. It is a
+indignation meetin'."
+
+"Indignant about what?" I sez.
+
+"Fur be it from me, Samantha, to muddle up your head and hurt your feelin's
+by tellin' you what it's fur." And he went out quick and shet the door. But
+I got a splendid dinner and afterwards he told me of his own accord.
+
+I am not a member, of course, for the president, Philander Daggett, said it
+would lower the prestige of the society in the eyes of the world to have
+even one female member. This meetin' wuz called last week for the purpose
+of bein' indignant over the militant doin's of the English Suffragettes.
+Josiah and several others in Jonesville wuz invited to be present at this
+meetin' as sort of honorary members, as they wuz competent to be jest as
+indignant as any other male men over the tribulations of their sect.
+
+Josiah said so much about the meetin', and his Honorary Indignation, that
+he got me curious, and wantin' to go myself, to see how it wuz carried on.
+But I didn't have no hopes on't till Philander Daggett's new young wife
+come to visit me and I told her how much I wanted to go, and she bein' real
+good-natered said she would make Philander let me in.
+
+He objected, of course, but she is pretty and young, and his nater bein'
+kinder softened and sweetened by the honey of the honeymoon, she got round
+him. And he said that if we would set up in a corner of the gallery behind
+the melodeon, and keep our veils on, he would let her and me in. But we
+must keep it secret as the grave, for he would lose all the influence he
+had with the other members and be turned out of the Presidential chair if
+it wuz knowed that he had lifted wimmen up to such a hite, and gin 'em such
+a opportunity to feel as if they wuz equal to men.
+
+Well, we went early and Josiah left me to Philander's and went on to do
+some errents. He thought I wuz to spend the evenin' with her in becomin'
+seclusion, a-knittin' on his blue and white socks, as a woman should. But
+after visitin' a spell, jest after it got duskish, we went out the back
+door and went cross lots, and got there ensconced in the dark corner
+without anybody seein' us and before the meetin' begun.
+
+Philander opened the meetin' by readin' the moments of the last meetin',
+which wuz one of sympathy with the police of Washington for their noble
+efforts to break up the Woman's Parade, and after their almost Herculaneum
+labor to teach wimmen her proper place, and all the help they got from the
+hoodlum and slum elements, they had failed in a measure, and the wimmen,
+though stunned, insulted, spit on, struck, broken boneded, maimed, and tore
+to pieces, had succeeded in their disgustin' onwomanly undertakin'.
+
+But it wuz motioned and carried that a vote of thanks be sent 'em and
+recorded in the moments that the Creation Searchers had no blame but only
+sympathy and admiration for the hard worked Policemen for they had done all
+they could to protect wimmen's delicacy and retirin' modesty, and put her
+in her place, and no man in Washington or Jonesville could do more. He read
+these moments, in a real tender sympathizin' voice, and I spoze the members
+sympathized with him, or I judged so from their linements as I went
+forward, still as a mouse, and peeked down on 'em.
+
+He then stopped a minute and took a drink of water; I spoze his sympathetic
+emotions had het him up, and kinder dried his mouth, some. And then he went
+on to state that this meetin' wuz called to show to the world, abroad and
+nigh by, the burnin' indignation this body felt, as a society, at the
+turrible sufferin's and insults bein' heaped onto their male brethren
+in England by the indecent and disgraceful doin's of the militant
+Suffragettes, and to devise, if possible, some way to help their male
+brethren acrost the sea. "For," sez he, "pizen will spread. How do we know
+how soon them very wimmen who had to be spit on and struck and tore to
+pieces in Washington to try to make 'em keep their place, the sacred and
+tender place they have always held enthroned as angels in a man's heart--"
+
+Here he stopped and took out his bandanna handkerchief, and wiped his eyes,
+and kinder choked. But I knew it wuz all a orator's art, and it didn't
+affect me, though I see a number of the members wipe their eyes, for this
+talk appealed to the inheriant chivalry of men, and their desire to protect
+wimmen, we have always hearn so much about.
+
+"How do we know," he continued, "how soon they may turn aginst their best
+friends, them who actuated by the loftiest and tenderest emotions, and
+determination to protect the weaker sect at any cost, took their valuable
+time to try to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, _angels of the
+home_, who knows but they may turn and throw stuns at the Capitol an'
+badger an' torment our noble lawmakers, a-tryin' to make 'em listen to
+their silly petitions for justice?"
+
+In conclusion, he entreated 'em to remember that the eye of the world wuz
+on 'em, expectin' 'em to be loyal to the badgered and woman endangered sect
+abroad, and try to suggest some way to stop them woman's disgraceful
+doin's.
+
+Cyrenus Presly always loves to talk, and he always looks on the dark side
+of things, and he riz up and said "he didn't believe nothin' could be done,
+for by all he'd read about 'em, the men had tried everything possible to
+keep wimmen down where they ort to be, they had turned deaf ears to their
+complaints, wouldn't hear one word they said, they had tried drivin'
+and draggin' and insults of all kinds, and breakin' their bones, and
+imprisonment, and stuffin' 'em with rubber tubes, thrust through their nose
+down into their throats. And he couldn't think of a thing more that could
+be done by men, and keep the position men always had held as wimmen's
+gardeens and protectors, and he said he thought men might jest as well keep
+still and let 'em go on and bring the world to ruin, for that was what they
+wuz bound to do, and they couldn't be stopped unless they wuz killed off."
+
+Phileman Huffstater is a old bachelder, and hates wimmen. He had been on a
+drunk and looked dretful, tobacco juice runnin' down his face, his red hair
+all towsled up, and his clothes stiff with dirt. He wuzn't invited, but had
+come of his own accord. He had to hang onto the seat in front of him as he
+riz up and said:
+
+"He believed that wuz the best and only way out on't, for men to rise up
+and kill off the weaker sect, for their wuzn't never no trouble of any name
+or nater, but what wimmen wuz to the bottom on't, and the world would be
+better off without 'em." But Philander scorfed at him and reminded him that
+such hullsale doin's would put an end to the world's bein' populated at
+all.
+
+But Phileman said in a hicuppin', maudlin way that "the world had better
+stop, if there had got to be such doin's, wimmen risin' up on every side,
+and pretendin' to be equal with men."
+
+Here his knee jints kinder gin out under him, and he slid down onto the
+seat and went to sleep.
+
+I guess the members wuz kinder shamed of Phileman, for Lime Peedick jumped
+up quick as scat and said, "It seemed the Englishmen had tried most
+everything else, and he wondered how it would work if them militant wimmen
+could be ketched and a dose of sunthin' bitter and sickenin' poured down
+'em. Every time they broached that loathsome doctrine of equal rights, and
+tried to make lawmakers listen to their petitions, jest ketch 'em and pour
+down 'em a big dose of wormwood or sunthin' else bitter and sickenin', and
+he guessed they would git tired on't."
+
+But here Josiah jumped up quick and said, "he objected," he said, "that
+would endanger the right wimmen always had, and ort to have of cookin' good
+vittles for men and doin' their housework, and bearin' and bringin' up
+their children, and makin' and mendin' and waitin' on 'em. He said nothin'
+short of a Gatlin gun could keep Samantha from speakin' her mind about such
+things, and he wuzn't willin' to have her made sick to the stomach, and
+incapacitated from cookin' by any such proceedin's."
+
+The members argued quite awhile on this pint, but finally come round to
+Josiah's idees, and the meetin' for a few minutes seemed to come to a
+standstill, till old Cornelius Snyder got up slowly and feebly. He has
+spazzums and can't hardly wobble. His wife has to support him, wash and
+dress him, and take care on him like a baby. But he has the use of his
+tongue, and he got some man to bring him there, and he leaned heavy on his
+cane, and kinder stiddied himself on it and offered this suggestion:
+
+"How would it do to tie females up when they got to thinkin' they wuz equal
+to men, halter 'em, rope 'em, and let 'em see if they wuz?"
+
+But this idee wuz objected to for the same reason Josiah had advanced, as
+Philander well said, "wimmen had got to go foot loose in order to do the
+housework and cookin'."
+
+Uncle Sime Bentley, who wuz awful indignant, said, "I motion that men shall
+take away all the rights that wimmen have now, turn 'em out of the meetin'
+house, and grange."
+
+But before he'd hardly got the words out of his mouth, seven of the members
+riz up and as many as five spoke out to once with different exclamations:
+
+"That won't do! we can't do that! Who'll do all the work! Who'll git up
+grange banquets and rummage sales, and paper and paint and put down carpets
+in the meetin' house, and git up socials and entertainments to help pay the
+minister's salary, and carry on the Sunday School? and tend to its picnics
+and suppers, and take care of the children? We can't do this, much as we'd
+love to."
+
+One horsey, sporty member, also under the influence of liquor, riz up, and
+made a feeble motion, "Spozin' we give wimmen liberty enough to work, leave
+'em hand and foot loose, and sort o' muzzle 'em so they can't talk."
+
+This seemed to be very favorably received, 'specially by the married
+members, and the secretary wuz jest about to record it in the moments as
+a scheme worth tryin', when old Doctor Nugent got up, and sez in a firm,
+decided way:
+
+"Wimmen cannot be kept from talking without endangerin' her life; as a
+medical expert I object to this motion."
+
+"How would you put the objection?" sez the secretary.
+
+"On the ground of cruelty to animals," sez the doctor.
+
+A fat Englishman who had took the widder Shelmadine's farm on shares, says,
+"I 'old with Brother Josiah Hallen's hargument. As the father of nine young
+children and thirty cows to milk with my wife's 'elp, I 'old she musn't be
+kep' from work, but h'I propose if we can't do anything else that a card
+of sympathy be sent to hold Hengland from the Creation Searchin' Society
+of America, tellin' 'em 'ow our 'earts bleeds for the men's sufferin' and
+'ardships in 'avin' to leave their hoccupations to beat and 'aul round and
+drive females to jails, and feed 'em with rubber hose through their noses
+to keep 'em from starvin' to death for what they call their principles."
+
+This motion wuz carried unanimously.
+
+But here an old man, who had jest dropped in and who wuz kinder deef and
+slow-witted, asked, "What it is about anyway? what do the wimmen ask for
+when they are pounded and jailed and starved?"
+
+Hank Yerden, whose wife is a Suffragist, and who is mistrusted to have a
+leanin' that way himself, answered him, "Oh, they wanted the lawmakers to
+read their petitions asking for the rights of ordinary citizens. They said
+as long as their property wuz taxed they had the right of representation.
+And as long as the law punished wimmen equally with men, they had a right
+to help make that law, and as long as men claimed wimmen's place wuz home,
+they wanted the right to guard that home. And as long as they brought
+children into the world they wanted the right to protect 'em. And when the
+lawmakers wouldn't hear a word they said, and beat 'em and drove 'em round
+and jailed 'em, they got mad as hens, and are actin' like furiation and
+wild cats. But claim that civil rights wuz never give to any class without
+warfare."
+
+"Heavens! what doin's!" sez old Zephaniah Beezum, "what is the world comin'
+to!" "Angle worms will be risin' up next and demandin' to not be trod on."
+Sez he, "I have studied the subject on every side, and I claim the best
+way to deal with them militant females is to banish 'em to some barren
+wilderness, some foreign desert where they can meditate on their crimes,
+and not bother men."
+
+This idee wuz received favorably by most of the members, but others
+differed and showed the weak p'ints in it, and it wuz gin up.
+
+Well, at ten P.M., the Creation Searchers gin up after arguin' pro and con,
+con and pro, that they could not see any way out of the matter, they could
+not tell what to do with the wimmen without danger and trouble to the male
+sect.
+
+They looked dretful dejected and onhappy as they come to this conclusion,
+my pardner looked as if he wuz most ready to bust out cryin'. And as I
+looked on his beloved linement I forgot everything else and onbeknown to me
+I leaned over the railin' and sez:
+
+"Here is sunthin' that no one has seemed to think on at home or abroad. How
+would it work to stop the trouble by givin' the wimmen the rights they ask
+for, the rights of any other citizen?"
+
+I don't spoze there will ever be such another commotion and upheaval in
+Jonesville till Michael blows his last trump as follered my speech. Knowin'
+wimmen wuz kep' from the meetin', some on 'em thought it wuz a voice from
+another spear. Them wuz the skairt and horrow struck ones, and them that
+thought it wuz a earthly woman's voice wuz so mad that they wuz by the side
+of themselves and carried on fearful. But when they searched the gallery
+for wimmen or ghosts, nothin' wuz found, for Philander's wife and I had
+scooted acrost lots and wuz to home a-knittin' before the men got there.
+
+And I d'no as anybody but Philander to this day knows what, or who it wuz.
+
+And I d'no as my idee will be follered, but I believe it is the best way
+out on't for men and wimmen both, and would stop the mad doin's of the
+English Suffragettes, which I don't approve of, no indeed! much as I
+sympathize with the justice of their cause.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha on the Woman Question, by Marietta Holley
+
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