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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Home and the World, by Rabindranath Tagore
+#12 in our series by Rabindranath Tagore
+
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+Title: The Home and the World
+
+Author: Rabindranath Tagore
+
+Release Date: December, 2004 [EBook #7166]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on March 18, 2003]
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+Edition: 10
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+Language: English
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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOME AND THE WORLD ***
+
+
+
+
+Original html version created at eldritchpress.org by Eric Eldred.
+This eBook was produced by Chetan Jain, Viswas G and Anand Rao
+at Bharat Literature
+
+
+
+
+
+The Home and the World
+
+
+Rabindranath Tagore
+
+
+[1861-1941]
+
+
+Translated [from Bengali to English]
+by Surendranath Tagore
+
+
+London: Macmillan, 1919
+[published in India, 1915, 1916]
+
+
+[Frontispiece: --see woman.jpg]
+
+
+
+
+Chapter One
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+I
+
+
+MOTHER, today there comes back to mind the vermilion mark [1] at
+the parting of your hair, the __sari__ [2] which you used to
+wear, with its wide red border, and those wonderful eyes of
+yours, full of depth and peace.  They came at the start of my
+life's journey, like the first streak of dawn, giving me golden
+provision to carry me on my way.
+
+The sky which gives light is blue, and my mother's face was dark,
+but she had the radiance of holiness, and her beauty would put to
+shame all the vanity of the beautiful.
+
+Everyone says that I resemble my mother.  In my childhood I used
+to resent this.  It made me angry with my mirror.  I thought that
+it was God's unfairness which was wrapped round my limbs--that my
+dark features were not my due, but had come to me by some
+misunderstanding.  All that remained for me to ask of my God in
+reparation was, that I might grow up to be a model of what woman
+should be, as one reads it in some epic poem.
+
+When the proposal came for my marriage, an astrologer was sent,
+who consulted my palm and said, "This girl has good signs.  She
+will become an ideal wife."
+
+And all the women who heard it said: "No wonder, for she
+resembles her mother."
+
+I was married into a Rajah's house.  When I was a child, I was
+quite familiar with the description of the Prince of the fairy
+story.  But my husband's face was not of a kind that one's
+imagination would place in fairyland.  It was dark, even as mine
+was.  The feeling of shrinking, which I had about my own lack of
+physical beauty, was lifted a little; at the same time a touch of
+regret was left lingering in my heart.
+
+But when the physical appearance evades the scrutiny of our
+senses and enters the sanctuary of our hearts, then it can forget
+itself.  I know, from my childhood's experience, how devotion is
+beauty itself, in its inner aspect.  When my mother arranged the
+different fruits, carefully peeled by her own loving hands, on
+the white stone plate, and gently waved her fan to drive away the
+flies while my father sat down to his meals, her service would
+lose itself in a beauty which passed beyond outward forms.  Even
+in my infancy I could feel its power.  It transcended all
+debates, or doubts, or calculations: it was pure music.
+
+I distinctly remember after my marriage, when, early in the
+morning, I would cautiously and silently get up and take the dust
+[3] of my husband's feet without waking him, how at such moments
+I could feel the vermilion mark upon my forehead shining out like
+the morning star.
+
+One day, he happened to awake, and smiled as he asked me: "What
+is that, Bimala?  What __are__ you doing?"
+
+I can never forget the shame of being detected by him.  He might
+possibly have thought that I was trying to earn merit secretly.
+But no, no!  That had nothing to do with merit.  It was my
+woman's heart, which must worship in order to love.
+
+My father-in-law's house was old in dignity from the days of the
+__Badshahs__.  Some of its manners were of the Moguls and
+Pathans, some of its customs of Manu and Parashar.  But my
+husband was absolutely modern.  He was the first of the house to
+go through a college course and take his M.A.  degree.  His elder
+brother had died young, of drink, and had left no children.  My
+husband did not drink and was not given to dissipation.  So
+foreign to the family was this abstinence, that to many it hardly
+seemed decent!  Purity, they imagined, was only becoming in those
+on whom fortune had not smiled.  It is the moon which has room
+for stains, not the stars.
+
+My husband's parents had died long ago, and his old grandmother
+was mistress of the house.  My husband was the apple of her eye,
+the jewel on her bosom.  And so he never met with much difficulty
+in overstepping any of the ancient usages.  When he brought in
+Miss Gilby, to teach me and be my companion, he stuck to his
+resolve in spite of the poison secreted by all the wagging
+tongues at home and outside.
+
+My husband had then just got through his B.A.  examination and
+was reading for his M.A.  degree; so he had to stay in Calcutta
+to attend college.  He used to write to me almost every day, a
+few lines only, and simple words, but his bold, round handwriting
+would look up into my face, oh, so tenderly!  I kept his letters
+in a sandalwood box and covered them every day with the flowers I
+gathered in the garden.
+
+At that time the Prince of the fairy tale had faded, like the
+moon in the morning light.  I had the Prince of my real world
+enthroned in my heart.  I was his queen.  I had my seat by his
+side.  But my real joy was, that my true place was at his feet.
+
+Since then, I have been educated, and introduced to the modern
+age in its own language, and therefore these words that I write
+seem to blush with shame in their prose setting.  Except for my
+acquaintance with this modern standard of life, I should know,
+quite naturally, that just as my being born a woman was not in my
+own hands, so the element of devotion in woman's love is not like
+a hackneyed passage quoted from a romantic poem to be piously
+written down in round hand in a school-girl's copy-book.
+
+But my husband would not give me any opportunity for worship.
+That was his greatness.  They are cowards who claim absolute
+devotion from their wives as their right; that is a humiliation
+for both.
+
+His love for me seemed to overflow my limits by its flood of
+wealth and service.  But my necessity was more for giving than
+for receiving; for love is a vagabond, who can make his flowers
+bloom in the wayside dust, better than in the crystal jars kept
+in the drawing-room.
+
+My husband could not break completely with the old-time
+traditions which prevailed in our family.  It was difficult,
+therefore, for us to meet at any hour of the day we pleased.  [4]
+I knew exactly the time that he could come to me, and therefore
+our meeting had all the care of loving preparation.  It was like
+the rhyming of a poem; it had to come through the path of the
+metre.
+
+After finishing the day's work and taking my afternoon bath, I
+would do up my hair and renew my vermilion mark and put on my
+__sari__, carefully crinkled; and then, bringing back my body
+and mind from all distractions of household duties, I would
+dedicate it at this special hour, with special ceremonies, to one
+individual.  That time, each day, with him was short; but it was
+infinite.
+
+My husband used to say, that man and wife are equal in love
+because of their equal claim on each other.  I never argued the
+point with him, but my heart said that devotion never stands in
+the way of true equality; it only raises the level of the ground
+of meeting.  Therefore the joy of the higher equality remains
+permanent; it never slides down to the vulgar level of triviality.
+
+My beloved, it was worthy of you that you never expected worship
+from me.  But if you had accepted it, you would have done me a
+real service.  You showed your love by decorating me, by
+educating me, by giving me what I asked for, and what I did not.
+I have seen what depth of love there was in your eyes when you
+gazed at me.  I have known the secret sigh of pain you suppressed
+in your love for me.  You loved my body as if it were a flower of
+paradise.  You loved my whole nature as if it had been given you
+by some rare providence.
+
+Such lavish devotion made me proud to think that the wealth was
+all my own which drove you to my gate.  But vanity such as this
+only checks the flow of free surrender in a woman's love.  When I
+sit on the queen's throne and claim homage, then the claim only
+goes on magnifying itself; it is never satisfied.  Can there be
+any real happiness for a woman in merely feeling that she has
+power over a man?  To surrender one's pride in devotion is
+woman's only salvation.
+
+It comes back to me today how, in the days of our happiness, the
+fires of envy sprung up all around us.  That was only natural,
+for had I not stepped into my good fortune by a mere chance, and
+without deserving it?  But providence does not allow a run of
+luck to last for ever, unless its debt of honour be fully paid,
+day by day, through many a long day, and thus made secure.  God
+may grant us gifts, but the merit of being able to take and hold
+them must be our own.  Alas for the boons that slip through
+unworthy hands!
+
+My husband's grandmother and mother were both renowned for their
+beauty.  And my widowed sister-in-law was also of a beauty rarely
+to be seen.  When, in turn, fate left them desolate, the
+grandmother vowed she would not insist on having beauty for her
+remaining grandson when he married.  Only the auspicious marks
+with which I was endowed gained me an entry into this family--
+otherwise, I had no claim to be here.
+
+In this house of luxury, but few of its ladies had received their
+meed of respect.  They had, however, got used to the ways of the
+family, and managed to keep their heads above water, buoyed up by
+their dignity as __Ranis__ of an ancient house, in spite of
+their daily tears being drowned in the foam of wine, and by the
+tinkle of the "dancing girls" anklets.  Was the credit due to me
+that my husband did not touch liquor, nor squander his manhood in
+the markets of woman's flesh?  What charm did I know to soothe
+the wild and wandering mind of men?  It was my good luck, nothing
+else.  For fate proved utterly callous to my sister-in-law.  Her
+festivity died out, while yet the evening was early, leaving the
+light of her beauty shining in vain over empty halls--burning and
+burning, with no accompanying music!
+
+His sister-in-law affected a contempt for my husband's modern
+notions.  How absurd to keep the family ship, laden with all the
+weight of its time-honoured glory, sailing under the colours of
+his slip of a girl-wife alone!  Often have I felt the lash of
+scorn.  "A thief who had stolen a husband's love!"  "A sham
+hidden in the shamelessness of her new-fangled finery!"  The
+many-coloured garments of modern fashion with which my husband
+loved to adorn me roused jealous wrath.  "Is not she ashamed to
+make a show-window of herself--and with her looks, too!"
+
+My husband was aware of all this, but his gentleness knew no
+bounds.  He used to implore me to forgive her.
+
+I remember I once told him: "Women's minds are so petty, so
+crooked!"  "Like the feet of Chinese women," he replied.  "Has
+not the pressure of society cramped them into pettiness and
+crookedness?  They are but pawns of the fate which gambles with
+them.  What responsibility have they of their own?"
+
+My sister-in-law never failed to get from my husband whatever she
+wanted.  He did not stop to consider whether her requests were
+right or reasonable.  But what exasperated me most was that she
+was not grateful for this.  I had promised my husband that I
+would not talk back at her, but this set me raging all the more,
+inwardly.  I used to feel that goodness has a limit, which, if
+passed, somehow seems to make men cowardly.  Shall I tell the
+whole truth?  I have often wished that my husband had the
+manliness to be a little less good.
+
+My sister-in-law, the Bara Rani, [5] was still young and had no
+pretensions to saintliness.  Rather, her talk and jest and laugh
+inclined to be forward.  The young maids with whom she surrounded
+herself were also impudent to a degree.  But there was none to
+gainsay her--for was not this the custom of the house?  It seemed
+to me that my good fortune in having a stainless husband was a
+special eyesore to her.  He, however, felt more the sorrow of her
+lot than the defects of her character.
+
+------
+
+1. The mark of Hindu wifehood and the symbol of all the devotion
+that it implies.
+
+2. The __sari__ is the dress of the Hindu woman.
+
+3. Taking the dust of the feet is a formal offering of reverence
+and is done by lightly touching the feet of the revered one and
+then one's own head with the same hand.  The wife does not
+ordinarily do this to the husband.
+
+4. It would not be reckoned good form for the husband to be
+continually going into the zenana, except at particular hours for
+meals or rest.
+
+5. __Bara__ = Senior; __Chota__ = Junior.  In joint
+families of rank, though the widows remain entitled only to a
+life-interest in their husbands' share, their rank remains to
+them according to seniority, and the titles "Senior" and "Junior"
+continue to distinguish the elder and younger branches, even
+though the junior branch be the one in power.
+
+
+
+II
+
+
+
+My husband was very eager to take me out of __purdah__.  [6]
+
+One day I said to him: "What do I want with the outside world?"
+
+"The outside world may want you," he replied.
+
+"If the outside world has got on so long without me, it may go on
+for some time longer.  It need not pine to death for want of me."
+
+"Let it perish, for all I care!  That is not troubling me.  I am
+thinking about myself."
+
+"Oh, indeed.  Tell me what about yourself?"
+
+My husband was silent, with a smile.
+
+I knew his way, and protested at once: "No, no, you are not going
+to run away from me like that!  I want to have this out with
+you."
+
+"Can one ever finish a subject with words?"
+
+"Do stop speaking in riddles.  Tell me..."
+
+"What I want is, that I should have you, and you should have me,
+more fully in the outside world.  That is where we are still in
+debt to each other."
+
+"Is anything wanting, then, in the love we have here at home?"
+
+"Here you are wrapped up in me.  You know neither what you have,
+nor what you want."
+
+"I cannot bear to hear you talk like this."
+
+"I would have you come into the heart of the outer world and meet
+reality.  Merely going on with your household duties, living all
+your life in the world of household conventions and the drudgery
+of household tasks--you were not made for that!  If we meet, and
+recognize each other, in the real world, then only will our love
+be true."
+
+"If there be any drawback here to our full recognition of each
+other, then I have nothing to say.  But as for myself, I feel no
+want."
+
+"Well, even if the drawback is only on my side, why shouldn't you
+help to remove it?"
+
+Such discussions repeatedly occurred.  One day he said: "The
+greedy man who is fond of his fish stew has no compunction in
+cutting up the fish according to his need.  But the man who loves
+the fish wants to enjoy it in the water; and if that is
+impossible he waits on the bank; and even if he comes back home
+without a sight of it he has the consolation of knowing that the
+fish is all right.  Perfect gain is the best of all; but if that
+is impossible, then the next best gain is perfect losing."
+
+I never liked the way my husband had of talking on this subject,
+but that is not the reason why I refused to leave the zenana.
+His grandmother was still alive.  My husband had filled more than
+a hundred and twenty per cent of the house with the twentieth
+century, against her taste; but she had borne it uncomplaining.
+She would have borne it, likewise, if the daughter-in-law [7] of
+the Rajah's house had left its seclusion.  She was even prepared
+for this happening.  But I did not consider it important enough
+to give her the pain of it.  I have read in books that we are
+called "caged birds".  I cannot speak for others, but I had so
+much in this cage of mine that there was not room for it in the
+universe--at least that is what I then felt.
+
+The grandmother, in her old age, was very fond of me.  At the
+bottom of her fondness was the thought that, with the conspiracy
+of favourable stars which attended me, I had been able to attract
+my husband's love.  Were not men naturally inclined to plunge
+downwards?  None of the others, for all their beauty, had been
+able to prevent their husbands going headlong into the burning
+depths which consumed and destroyed them.  She believed that I
+had been the means of extinguishing this fire, so deadly to the
+men of the family.  So she kept me in the shelter of her bosom,
+and trembled if I was in the least bit unwell.
+
+His grandmother did not like the dresses and ornaments my husband
+brought from European shops to deck me with.  But she reflected:
+"Men will have some absurd hobby or other, which is sure to be
+expensive.  It is no use trying to check their extravagance; one
+is glad enough if they stop short of ruin.  If my Nikhil had not
+been busy dressing up his wife there is no knowing whom else he
+might have spent his money on!"  So whenever any new dress of
+mine arrived she used to send for my husband and make merry over
+it.
+
+Thus it came about that it was her taste which changed.  The
+influence of the modern age fell so strongly upon her, that her
+evenings refused to pass if I did not tell her stories out of
+English books.
+
+After his grandmother's death, my husband wanted me to go and
+live with him in Calcutta.  But I could not bring myself to do
+that.  Was not this our House, which she had kept under her
+sheltering care through all her trials and troubles?  Would not a
+curse come upon me if I deserted it and went off to town?  This
+was the thought that kept me back, as her empty seat
+reproachfully looked up at me.  That noble lady had come into
+this house at the age of eight, and had died in her seventy-ninth
+year.  She had not spent a happy life.  Fate had hurled shaft
+after shaft at her breast, only to draw out more and more the
+imperishable spirit within.  This great house was hallowed with
+her tears.  What should I do in the dust of Calcutta, away from
+it?
+
+My husband's idea was that this would be a good opportunity for
+leaving to my sister-in-law the consolation of ruling over the
+household, giving our life, at the same time, more room to branch
+out in Calcutta.  That is just where my difficulty came in.  She
+had worried my life out, she ill brooked my husband's happiness,
+and for this she was to be rewarded!  And what of the day when we
+should have to come back here?  Should I then get back my seat at
+the head?
+
+"What do you want with that seat?"  my husband would say.  "Are
+there not more precious things in life?"
+
+Men never understand these things.  They have their nests in the
+outside world; they little know the whole of what the household
+stands for.  In these matters they ought to follow womanly
+guidance.  Such were my thoughts at that time.
+
+I felt the real point was, that one ought to stand up for one's
+rights.  To go away, and leave everything in the hands of the
+enemy, would be nothing short of owning defeat.
+
+But why did not my husband compel me to go with him to Calcutta?
+I know the reason.  He did not use his power, just because he had
+it.
+
+------
+
+6. The seclusion of the zenana, and all the customs peculiar to
+it, are designated by the general term "Purdah", which means
+Screen.
+
+7. The prestige of the daughter-in-law is of the first importance
+in a Hindu household of rank [Trans.].
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+
+IF one had to fill in, little by little, the gap between day and
+night, it would take an eternity to do it.  But the sun rises and
+the darkness is dispelled--a moment is sufficient to overcome an
+infinite distance.
+
+One day there came the new era of __Swadeshi__ [8] in Bengal;
+but as to how it happened, we had no distinct vision.  There was
+no gradual slope connecting the past with the present.  For that
+reason, I imagine, the new epoch came in like a flood, breaking
+down the dykes and sweeping all our prudence and fear before it.
+We had no time even to think about, or understand, what had
+happened, or what was about to happen.
+
+My sight and my mind, my hopes and my desires, became red with
+the passion of this new age.  Though, up to this time, the walls
+of the home--which was the ultimate world to my mind--remained
+unbroken, yet I stood looking over into the distance, and I heard
+a voice from the far horizon, whose meaning was not perfectly
+clear to me, but whose call went straight to my heart.
+
+From the time my husband had been a college student he had been
+trying to get the things required by our people produced in our
+own country.  There are plenty of date trees in our district.  He
+tried to invent an apparatus for extracting the juice and boiling
+it into sugar and treacle.  I heard that it was a great success,
+only it extracted more money than juice.  After a while he came
+to the conclusion that our attempts at reviving our industries
+were not succeeding for want of a bank of our own.  He was, at
+the time, trying to teach me political economy.  This alone would
+not have done much harm, but he also took it into his head to
+teach his countrymen ideas of thrift, so as to pave the way for a
+bank; and then he actually started a small bank.  Its high rate
+of interest, which made the villagers flock so enthusiastically
+to put in their money, ended by swamping the bank altogether.
+
+The old officers of the estate felt troubled and frightened.
+There was jubilation in the enemy's camp.  Of all the family,
+only my husband's grandmother remained unmoved.  She would scold
+me, saying: "Why are you all plaguing him so?  Is it the fate of
+the estate that is worrying you?  How many times have I seen this
+estate in the hands of the court receiver!  Are men like women?
+Men are born spendthrifts and only know how to waste.  Look here,
+child, count yourself fortunate that your husband is not wasting
+himself as well!"
+
+My husband's list of charities was a long one.  He would assist
+to the bitter end of utter failure anyone who wanted to invent a
+new loom or rice-husking machine.  But what annoyed me most was
+the way that Sandip Babu [9] used to fleece him on the pretext of
+__Swadeshi__ work.  Whenever he wanted to start a newspaper,
+or travel about preaching the Cause, or take a change of air by
+the advice of his doctor, my husband would unquestioningly supply
+him with the money.  This was over and above the regular living
+allowance which Sandip Babu also received from him.  The
+strangest part of it was that my husband and Sandip Babu did not
+agree in their opinions.
+
+As soon as the __Swadeshi__ storm reached my blood, I said to
+my husband: "I must burn all my foreign clothes."
+
+"Why burn them?"  said he.  "You need not wear them as long as
+you please."
+
+"As long as I please!  Not in this life ..."
+
+"Very well, do not wear them for the rest of your life, then.
+But why this bonfire business?"
+
+"Would you thwart me in my resolve?"
+
+"What I want to say is this: Why not try to build up something?
+You should not waste even a tenth part of your energies in this
+destructive excitement."
+
+"Such excitement will give us the energy to build."
+
+"That is as much as to say, that you cannot light the house
+unless you set fire to it."
+
+Then there came another trouble.  When Miss Gilby first came to
+our house there was a great flutter, which afterwards calmed down
+when they got used to her.  Now the whole thing was stirred up
+afresh.  I had never bothered myself before as to whether Miss
+Gilby was European or Indian, but I began to do so now.  I said
+to my husband: "We must get rid of Miss Gilby."
+
+He kept silent.
+
+I talked to him wildly, and he went away sad at heart.
+
+After a fit of weeping, I felt in a more reasonable mood when we
+met at night.  "I cannot," my husband said, "look upon Miss Gilby
+through a mist of abstraction, just because she is English.
+Cannot you get over the barrier of her name after such a long
+acquaintance?  Cannot you realize that she loves you?"
+
+I felt a little ashamed and replied with some sharpness: "Let her
+remain.  I am not over anxious to send her away."  And Miss Gilby
+remained.
+
+But one day I was told that she had been insulted by a young
+fellow on her way to church.  This was a boy whom we were
+supporting.  My husband turned him out of the house.  There was
+not a single soul, that day, who could forgive my husband for
+that act--not even I.  This time Miss Gilby left of her own
+accord.  She shed tears when she came to say good-bye, but my
+mood would not melt.  To slander the poor boy so--and such a fine
+boy, too, who would forget his daily bath and food in his
+enthusiasm for __Swadeshi__.
+
+My husband escorted Miss Gilby to the railway station in his own
+carriage.  I was sure he was going too far.  When exaggerated
+accounts of the incident gave rise to a public scandal, which
+found its way to the newspapers, I felt he had been rightly
+served.
+
+I had often become anxious at my husband's doings, but had never
+before been ashamed; yet now I had to blush for him!  I did not
+know exactly, nor did I care, what wrong poor Noren might, or
+might not, have done to Miss Gilby, but the idea of sitting in
+judgement on such a matter at such a time!  I should have refused
+to damp the spirit which prompted young Noren to defy the
+Englishwoman.  I could not but look upon it as a sign of
+cowardice in my husband, that he should fail to understand this
+simple thing.  And so I blushed for him.
+
+And yet it was not that my husband refused to support
+__Swadeshi__, or was in any way against the Cause.  Only he
+had not been able whole-heartedly to accept the spirit of
+__Bande Mataram__.  [10]
+
+"I am willing," he said, "to serve my country; but my worship I
+reserve for Right which is far greater than my country.  To
+worship my country as a god is to bring a curse upon it."
+
+------
+
+8. The Nationalist movement, which began more as an economic than
+a political one, having as its main object the encouragement of
+indigenous industries [Trans.].
+
+9. "Babu" is a term of respect, like "Father" or "Mister," but
+has also meant in colonial days a person who understands some
+English.  [on-line ed.]
+
+10. Lit.: "Hail Mother"; the opening words of a song by Bankim
+Chatterjee, the famous Bengali novelist.  The song has now become
+the national anthem, and __Bande Mataram__ the national cry,
+since the days of the __Swadeshi__ movement [Trans.].
+
+
+
+Chapter Two
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+IV
+
+
+
+THIS was the time when Sandip Babu with his followers came to our
+neighbourhood to preach __Swadeshi__.
+
+There is to be a big meeting in our temple pavilion.  We women
+are sitting there, on one side, behind a screen.  Triumphant
+shouts of __Bande Mataram__ come nearer: and to them I am
+thrilling through and through.  Suddenly a stream of barefooted
+youths in turbans, clad in ascetic ochre, rushes into the
+quadrangle, like a silt-reddened freshet into a dry river-bed at
+the first burst of the rains.  The whole place is filled with an
+immense crowd, through which Sandip Babu is borne, seated in a
+big chair hoisted on the shoulders of ten or twelve of the
+youths.
+
+__Bande Mataram!  Bande Mataram!  Bande Mataram__!  It seems
+as though the skies would be rent and scattered into a thousand
+fragments.
+
+I had seen Sandip Babu's photograph before.  There was something
+in his features which I did not quite like.  Not that he was bad-
+looking--far from it: he had a splendidly handsome face.  Yet, I
+know not why, it seemed to me, in spite of all its brilliance,
+that too much of base alloy had gone into its making.  The light
+in his eyes somehow did not shine true.  That was why I did not
+like it when my husband unquestioningly gave in to all his
+demands.  I could bear the waste of money; but it vexed me to
+think that he was imposing on my husband, taking advantage of
+friendship.  His bearing was not that of an ascetic, nor even of
+a person of moderate means, but foppish all over.  Love of
+comfort seemed to ...  any number of such reflections come back
+to me today, but let them be.
+
+When, however, Sandip Babu began to speak that afternoon, and the
+hearts of the crowd swayed and surged to his words, as though
+they would break all bounds, I saw him wonderfully transformed.
+Especially when his features were suddenly lit up by a shaft of
+light from the slowly setting sun, as it sunk below the roof-line
+of the pavilion, he seemed to me to be marked out by the gods as
+their messenger to mortal men and women.
+
+From beginning to end of his speech, each one of his utterances
+was a stormy outburst.  There was no limit to the confidence of
+his assurance.  I do not know how it happened, but I found I had
+impatiently pushed away the screen from before me and had fixed
+my gaze upon him.  Yet there was none in that crowd who paid any
+heed to my doings.  Only once, I noticed, his eyes, like stars in
+fateful Orion, flashed full on my face.
+
+I was utterly unconscious of myself.  I was no longer the lady of
+the Rajah's house, but the sole representative of Bengal's
+womanhood.  And he was the champion of Bengal.  As the sky had
+shed its light over him, so he must receive the consecration of a
+woman's benediction ...
+
+It seemed clear to me that, since he had caught sight of me, the
+fire in his words had flamed up more fiercely.  Indra's [11]
+steed refused to be reined in, and there came the roar of thunder
+and the flash of lightning.  I said within myself that his
+language had caught fire from my eyes; for we women are not only
+the deities of the household fire, but the flame of the soul
+itself.
+
+I returned home that evening radiant with a new pride and joy.
+The storm within me had shifted my whole being from one centre to
+another.  Like the Greek maidens of old, I fain would cut off my
+long, resplendent tresses to make a bowstring for my hero.  Had
+my outward ornaments been connected with my inner feelings, then
+my necklet, my armlets, my bracelets, would all have burst their
+bonds and flung themselves over that assembly like a shower of
+meteors.  Only some personal sacrifice, I felt, could help me to
+bear the tumult of my exaltation.
+
+When my husband came home later, I was trembling lest he should
+utter a sound out of tune with the triumphant paean which was
+still ringing in my ears, lest his fanaticism for truth should
+lead him to express disapproval of anything that had been said
+that afternoon.  For then I should have openly defied and
+humiliated him.  But he did not say a word ...  which I did not
+like either.
+
+He should have said: "Sandip has brought me to my senses.  I now
+realize how mistaken I have been all this time."
+
+I somehow felt that he was spitefully silent, that he obstinately
+refused to be enthusiastic.  I asked how long Sandip Babu was
+going to be with us.
+
+"He is off to Rangpur early tomorrow morning," said my husband.
+
+"Must it be tomorrow?"
+
+"Yes, he is already engaged to speak there."
+
+I was silent for a while and then asked again: "Could he not
+possibly stay a day longer?"
+
+"That may hardly be possible, but why?"
+
+"I want to invite him to dinner and attend on him myself."
+
+My husband was surprised.  He had often entreated me to be
+present when he had particular friends to dinner, but I had never
+let myself be persuaded.  He gazed at me curiously, in silence,
+with a look I did not quite understand.
+
+I was suddenly overcome with a sense of shame.  "No, no," I
+exclaimed, "that would never do!"
+
+"Why not!"  said he.  "I will ask him myself, and if it is at all
+possible he will surely stay on for tomorrow."
+
+It turned out to be quite possible.
+
+I will tell the exact truth.  That day I reproached my Creator
+because he had not made me surpassingly beautiful--not to steal
+any heart away, but because beauty is glory.  In this great day
+the men of the country should realize its goddess in its
+womanhood.  But, alas, the eyes of men fail to discern the
+goddess, if outward beauty be lacking.  Would Sandip Babu find
+the __Shakti__ of the Motherland manifest in me?  Or would he
+simply take me to be an ordinary, domestic woman?
+
+That morning I scented my flowing hair and tied it in a loose
+knot, bound by a cunningly intertwined red silk ribbon.  Dinner,
+you see, was to be served at midday, and there was no time to dry
+my hair after my bath and do it up plaited in the ordinary way.
+I put on a gold-bordered white __sari__, and my short-sleeve
+muslin jacket was also gold-bordered.
+
+I felt that there was a certain restraint about my costume and
+that nothing could well have been simpler.  But my sister-in-law,
+who happened to be passing by, stopped dead before me, surveyed
+me from head to foot and with compressed lips smiled a meaning
+smile.  When I asked her the reason, "I am admiring your get-up!"
+she said.
+
+"What is there so entertaining about it?"  I enquired,
+considerably annoyed.
+
+"It's superb," she said.  "I was only thinking that one of those
+low-necked English bodices would have made it perfect."  Not only
+her mouth and eyes, but her whole body seemed to ripple with
+suppressed laughter as she left the room.
+
+I was very, very angry, and wanted to change everything and put
+on my everyday clothes.  But I cannot tell exactly why I could
+not carry out my impulse.  Women are the ornaments of society--
+thus I reasoned with myself--and my husband would never like it,
+if I appeared before Sandip Babu unworthily clad.
+
+My idea had been to make my appearance after they had sat down to
+dinner.  In the bustle of looking after the serving the first
+awkwardness would have passed off.  But dinner was not ready in
+time, and it was getting late.  Meanwhile my husband had sent for
+me to introduce the guest.
+
+I was feeling horribly shy about looking Sandip Babu in the face.
+However, I managed to recover myself enough to say: "I am so
+sorry dinner is getting late."
+
+He boldly came and sat right beside me as he replied: "I get a
+dinner of some kind every day, but the Goddess of Plenty keeps
+behind the scenes.  Now that the goddess herself has appeared, it
+matters little if the dinner lags behind."
+
+He was just as emphatic in his manners as he was in his public
+speaking.  He had no hesitation and seemed to be accustomed to
+occupy, unchallenged, his chosen seat.  He claimed the right to
+intimacy so confidently, that the blame would seem to belong to
+those who should dispute it.
+
+I was in terror lest Sandip Babu should take me for a shrinking,
+old-fashioned bundle of inanity.  But, for the life of me, I
+could not sparkle in repartees such as might charm or dazzle him.
+What could have possessed me, I angrily wondered, to appear
+before him in such an absurd way?
+
+I was about to retire when dinner was over, but Sandip Babu, as
+bold as ever, placed himself in my way.
+
+"You must not," he said, "think me greedy.  It was not the dinner
+that kept me staying on, it was your invitation.  If you were to
+run away now, that would not be playing fair with your guest."
+
+If he had not said these words with a careless ease, they would
+have been out of tune.  But, after all, he was such a great
+friend of my husband that I was like his sister.
+
+While I was struggling to climb up this high wave of intimacy, my
+husband came to the rescue, saying: "Why not come back to us
+after you have taken your dinner?"
+
+"But you must give your word," said Sandip Babu, "before we let
+you off."
+
+"I will come," said I, with a slight smile.
+
+"Let me tell you," continued Sandip Babu, "why I cannot trust
+you.  Nikhil has been married these nine years, and all this
+while you have eluded me.  If you do this again for another nine
+years, we shall never meet again."
+
+I took up the spirit of his remark as I dropped my voice to
+reply: "Why even then should we not meet?"
+
+"My horoscope tells me I am to die early.  None of my forefathers
+have survived their thirtieth year.  I am now twenty-seven."
+
+He knew this would go home.  This time there must have been a
+shade of concern in my low voice as I said: "The blessings of the
+whole country are sure to avert the evil influence of the stars."
+
+"Then the blessings of the country must be voiced by its goddess.
+This is the reason for my anxiety that you should return, so that
+my talisman may begin to work from today."
+
+Sandip Babu had such a way of taking things by storm that I got
+no opportunity of resenting what I never should have permitted in
+another.
+
+"So," he concluded with a laugh, "I am going to hold this husband
+of yours as a hostage till you come back."
+
+As I was coming away, he exclaimed: "May I trouble you for a
+trifle?"
+
+I started and turned round.
+
+"Don't be alarmed," he said.  "It's merely a glass of water.  You
+might have noticed that I did not drink any water with my dinner.
+I take it a little later."
+
+Upon this I had to make a show of interest and ask him the
+reason.  He began to give the history of his dyspepsia.  I was
+told how he had been a martyr to it for seven months, and how,
+after the usual course of nuisances, which included different
+allopathic and homoeopathic misadventures, he had obtained the
+most wonderful results by indigenous methods.
+
+"Do you know," he added, with a smile, "God has built even my
+infirmities in such a manner that they yield only under the
+bombardment of __Swadeshi__ pills."
+
+My husband, at this, broke his silence.  "You must confess," said
+he, "that you have as immense an attraction for foreign medicine
+as the earth has for meteors.  You have three shelves in your
+sitting-room full of..."
+
+Sandip Babu broke in: "Do you know what they are?  They are the
+punitive police.  They come, not because they are wanted, but
+because they are imposed on us by the rule of this modern age,
+exacting fines and-inflicting injuries."
+
+My husband could not bear exaggerations, and I could see he
+disliked this.  But all ornaments are exaggerations.  They are
+not made by God, but by man.  Once I remember in defence of some
+untruth of mine I said to my husband: "Only the trees and beasts
+and birds tell unmitigated truths, because these poor things have
+not the power to invent.  In this men show their superiority to
+the lower creatures, and women beat even men.  Neither is a
+profusion of ornament unbecoming for a woman, nor a profusion of
+untruth."
+
+As I came out into the passage leading to the zenana I found my
+sister-in-law, standing near a window overlooking the reception
+rooms, peeping through the venetian shutter.
+
+"You here?"  I asked in surprise.
+
+"Eavesdropping!"  she replied.
+
+------
+
+11. The Jupiter Pluvius of Hindu mythology.
+
+V
+
+
+
+When I returned, Sandip Babu was tenderly apologetic.  "I am
+afraid we have spoilt your appetite," he said.
+
+I felt greatly ashamed.  Indeed, I had been too indecently quick
+over my dinner.  With a little calculation, it would become quite
+evident that my non-eating had surpassed the eating.  But I had
+no idea that anyone could have been deliberately calculating.
+
+I suppose Sandip Babu detected my feeling of shame, which only
+augmented it.  "I was sure," he said, "that you had the impulse
+of the wild deer to run away, but it is a great boon that you
+took the trouble to keep your promise with me."
+
+I could not think of any suitable reply and so I sat down,
+blushing and uncomfortable, at one end of the sofa.  The vision
+that I had of myself, as the __Shakti__ of Womanhood,
+incarnate, crowning Sandip Babu simply with my presence, majestic
+and unashamed, failed me altogether.
+
+Sandip Babu deliberately started a discussion with my husband.
+He knew that his keen wit flashed to the best effect in an
+argument.  I have often since observed, that he never lost an
+opportunity for a passage at arms whenever I happened to be
+present.
+
+He was familiar with my husband's views on the cult of __Bande
+Mataram__, and began in a provoking way: "So you do not allow
+that there is room for an appeal to the imagination in patriotic
+work?"
+
+"It has its place, Sandip, I admit, but I do not believe in
+giving it the whole place.  I would know my country in its frank
+reality, and for this I am both afraid and ashamed to make use of
+hypnotic texts of patriotism."
+
+"What you call hypnotic texts I call truth.  I truly believe my
+country to be my God.  I worship Humanity.  God manifests Himself
+both in man and in his country."
+
+"If that is what you really believe, there should be no
+difference for you between man and man, and so between country
+and country."
+
+"Quite true.  But my powers are limited, so my worship of
+Humanity is continued in the worship of my country."
+
+"I have nothing against your worship as such, but how is it you
+propose to conduct your worship of God by hating other countries
+in which He is equally manifest?"
+
+"Hate is also an adjunct of worship.  Arjuna won Mahadeva's
+favour by wrestling with him.  God will be with us in the end, if
+we are prepared to give Him battle."
+
+"If that be so, then those who are serving and those who are
+harming the country are both His devotees.  Why, then, trouble to
+preach patriotism?"
+
+"In the case of one's own country, it is different.  There the
+heart clearly demands worship."
+
+"If you push the same argument further you can say that since God
+is manifested in us, our __self__ has to be worshipped before
+all else; because our natural instinct claims it."
+
+"Look here, Nikhil, this is all merely dry logic.  Can't you
+recognize that there is such a thing as feeling?"
+
+"I tell you the truth, Sandip," my husband replied.  "It is my
+feelings that are outraged, whenever you try to pass off
+injustice as a duty, and unrighteousness as a moral ideal.  The
+fact, that I am incapable of stealing, is not due to my
+possessing logical faculties, but to my having some feeling of
+respect for myself and love for ideals."
+
+I was raging inwardly.  At last I could keep silent no longer.
+"Is not the history of every country," I cried, "whether England,
+France, Germany, or Russia, the history of stealing for the sake
+of one's own country?"
+
+"They have to answer for these thefts; they are doing so even
+now; their history is not yet ended."
+
+"At any rate," interposed Sandip Babu, "why should we not follow
+suit?  Let us first fill our country's coffers with stolen goods
+and then take centuries, like these other countries, to answer
+for them, if we must.  But, I ask you, where do you find this
+'answering' in history?"
+
+"When Rome was answering for her sin no one knew it.  All that
+time, there was apparently no limit to her prosperity.  But do
+you not see one thing: how these political bags of theirs are
+bursting with lies and treacheries, breaking their backs under
+their weight?"
+
+Never before had I had any opportunity of being present at a
+discussion between my husband and his men friends.  Whenever he
+argued with me I could feel his reluctance to push me into a
+corner.  This arose out of the very love he bore me.  Today for
+the first time I saw his fencer's skill in debate.
+
+Nevertheless, my heart refused to accept my husband's position.
+I was struggling to find some answer, but it would not come.
+When the word "righteousness" comes into an argument, it sounds
+ugly to say that a thing can be too good to be useful.
+
+All of a sudden Sandip Babu turned to me with the question: "What
+do __you__ say to this?"
+
+"I do not care about fine distinctions," I broke out.  "I will
+tell you broadly what I feel.  I am only human.  I am covetous.
+I would have good things for my country.  If I am obliged, I
+would snatch them and filch them.  I have anger.  I would be
+angry for my country's sake.  If necessary, I would smite and
+slay to avenge her insults.  I have my desire to be fascinated,
+and fascination must be supplied to me in bodily shape by my
+country.  She must have some visible symbol casting its spell
+upon my mind.  I would make my country a Person, and call her
+Mother, Goddess, Durga--for whom I would redden the earth with
+sacrificial offerings.  I am human, not divine."
+
+Sandip Babu leapt to his feet with uplifted arms and shouted
+"Hurrah!"--The next moment he corrected himself and cried:
+"__Bande Mataram__."
+
+A shadow of pain passed over the face of my husband.  He said to
+me in a very gentle voice: "Neither am I divine: I am human.  And
+therefore I dare not permit the evil which is in me to be
+exaggerated into an image of my country--never, never!"
+
+Sandip Babu cried out: "See, Nikhil, how in the heart of a woman
+Truth takes flesh and blood.  Woman knows how to be cruel: her
+virulence is like a blind storm.  It is beautifully fearful.  In
+man it is ugly, because it harbours in its centre the gnawing
+worms of reason and thought.  I tell you, Nikhil, it is our women
+who will save the country.  This is not the time for nice
+scruples.  We must be unswervingly, unreasoningly brutal.  We
+must sin.  We must give our women red sandal paste with which to
+anoint and enthrone our sin.  Don't you remember what the poet
+says:
+
+/*
+  Come, Sin, O beautiful Sin,
+  Let thy stinging red kisses pour down fiery red wine into our
+    blood.
+  Sound the trumpet of imperious evil
+  And cross our forehead with the wreath of exulting lawlessness,
+  O Deity of Desecration,
+  Smear our breasts with the blackest mud of disrepute,
+    unashamed.
+*/
+
+Down with that righteousness, which cannot smilingly bring rack
+and ruin."
+
+When Sandip Babu, standing with his head high, insulted at a
+moment's impulse all that men have cherished as their highest, in
+all countries and in all times, a shiver went right through my
+body.
+
+But, with a stamp of his foot, he continued his declamation: "I
+can see that you are that beautiful spirit of fire, which burns
+the home to ashes and lights up the larger world with its flame.
+Give to us the indomitable courage to go to the bottom of Ruin
+itself.  Impart grace to all that is baneful."
+
+It was not clear to whom Sandip Babu addressed his last appeal.
+It might have been She whom he worshipped with his __Bande
+Mataram__.  It might have been the Womanhood of his country.
+Or it might have been its representative, the woman before him.
+He would have gone further in the same strain, but my husband
+suddenly rose from his seat and touched him lightly on the
+shoulder saying: "Sandip, Chandranath Babu is here."
+
+I started and turned round, to find an aged gentleman at the
+door, calm and dignified, in doubt as to whether he should come
+in or retire.  His face was touched with a gentle light like that
+of the setting sun.
+
+My husband came up to me and whispered: "This is my master, of
+whom I have so often told you.  Make your obeisance to him."
+
+I bent reverently and took the dust of his feet.  He gave me his
+blessing saying: "May God protect you always, my little mother."
+I was sorely in need of such a blessing at that moment.
+
+
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+I
+
+
+
+One day I had the faith to believe that I should be able to bear
+whatever came from my God.  I never had the trial.  Now I think
+it has come.
+
+I used to test my strength of mind by imagining all kinds of evil
+which might happen to me--poverty, imprisonment, dishonour,
+death--even Bimala's.  And when I said to myself that I should be
+able to receive these with firmness, I am sure I did not
+exaggerate.  Only I could never even imagine one thing, and today
+it is that of which I am thinking, and wondering whether I can
+really bear it.  There is a thorn somewhere pricking in my heart,
+constantly giving me pain while I am about my daily work.  It
+seems to persist even when I am asleep.  The very moment I wake
+up in the morning, I find that the bloom has gone from the face
+of the sky.  What is it?  What has happened?
+
+My mind has become so sensitive, that even my past life, which
+came to me in the disguise of happiness, seems to wring my very
+heart with its falsehood; and the shame and sorrow which are
+coming close to me are losing their cover of privacy, all the
+more because they try to veil their faces.  My heart has become
+all eyes.  The things that should not be seen, the things I do
+not want to see--these I must see.
+
+The day has come at last when my ill-starred life has to reveal
+its destitution in a long-drawn series of exposures.  This
+penury, all unexpected, has taken its seat in the heart where
+plenitude seemed to reign.  The fees which I paid to delusion for
+just nine years of my youth have now to be returned with interest
+to Truth till the end of my days.
+
+What is the use of straining to keep up my pride?  What harm if I
+confess that I have something lacking in me?  Possibly it is that
+unreasoning forcefulness which women love to find in men.  But is
+strength mere display of muscularity?  Must strength have no
+scruples in treading the weak underfoot?
+
+But why all these arguments?  Worthiness cannot be earned merely
+by disputing about it.  And I am unworthy, unworthy, unworthy.
+
+What if I am unworthy?  The true value of love is this, that it
+can ever bless the unworthy with its own prodigality.  For the
+worthy there are many rewards on God's earth, but God has
+specially reserved love for the unworthy.
+
+Up till now Bimala was my home-made Bimala, the product of the
+confined space and the daily routine of small duties.  Did the
+love which I received from her, I asked myself, come from the
+deep spring of her heart, or was it merely like the daily
+provision of pipe water pumped up by the municipal steam-engine
+of society?
+
+I longed to find Bimala blossoming fully in all her truth and
+power.  But the thing I forgot to calculate was, that one must
+give up all claims based on conventional rights, if one would
+find a person freely revealed in truth.
+
+Why did I fail to think of this?  Was it because of the husband's
+pride of possession over his wife?  No.  It was because I placed
+the fullest trust upon love.  I was vain enough to think that I
+had the power in me to bear the sight of truth in its awful
+nakedness.  It was tempting Providence, but still I clung to my
+proud determination to come out victorious in the trial.
+
+Bimala had failed to understand me in one thing.  She could not
+fully realize that I held as weakness all imposition of force.
+Only the weak dare not be just.  They shirk their responsibility
+of fairness and try quickly to get at results through the short-
+cuts of injustice.  Bimala has no patience with patience.  She
+loves to find in men the turbulent, the angry, the unjust.  Her
+respect must have its element of fear.
+
+I had hoped that when Bimala found herself free in the outer
+world she would be rescued from her infatuation for tyranny.  But
+now I feel sure that this infatuation is deep down in her nature.
+Her love is for the boisterous.  From the tip of her tongue to
+the pit of her stomach she must tingle with red pepper in order
+to enjoy the simple fare of life.  But my determination was,
+never to do my duty with frantic impetuosity, helped on by the
+fiery liquor of excitement.  I know Bimala finds it difficult to
+respect me for this, taking my scruples for feebleness--and she
+is quite angry with me because I am not running amuck crying
+__Bande Mataram__.
+
+For the matter of that, I have become unpopular with all my
+countrymen because I have not joined them in their carousals.
+They are certain that either I have a longing for some title, or
+else that I am afraid of the police.  The police on their side
+suspect me of harbouring some hidden design and protesting too
+much in my mildness.
+
+What I really feel is this, that those who cannot find food for
+their enthusiasm in a knowledge of their country as it actually
+is, or those who cannot love men just because they are men--who
+needs must shout and deify their country in order to keep up
+their excitement--these love excitement more than their country.
+
+To try to give our infatuation a higher place than Truth is a
+sign of inherent slavishness.  Where our minds are free we find
+ourselves lost.  Our moribund vitality must have for its rider
+either some fantasy, or someone in authority, or a sanction from
+the pundits, in order to make it move.  So long as we are
+impervious to truth and have to be moved by some hypnotic
+stimulus, we must know that we lack the capacity for self-
+government.  Whatever may be our condition, we shall either need
+some imaginary ghost or some actual medicine-man to terrorize
+over us.
+
+The other day when Sandip accused me of lack of imagination,
+saying that this prevented me from realizing my country in a
+visible image, Bimala agreed with him.  I did not say anything in
+my defence, because to win in argument does not lead to
+happiness.  Her difference of opinion is not due to any
+inequality of intelligence, but rather to dissimilarity of
+nature.
+
+They accuse me of being unimaginative--that is, according to
+them, I may have oil in my lamp, but no flame.  Now this is
+exactly the accusation which I bring against them.  I would say
+to them: "You are dark, even as the flints are.  You must come to
+violent conflicts and make a noise in order to produce your
+sparks.  But their disconnected flashes merely assist your pride,
+and not your clear vision."
+
+I have been noticing for some time that there is a gross cupidity
+about Sandip.  His fleshly feelings make him harbour delusions
+about his religion and impel him into a tyrannical attitude in
+his patriotism.  His intellect is keen, but his nature is coarse,
+and so he glorifies his selfish lusts under high-sounding names.
+The cheap consolations of hatred are as urgently necessary for
+him as the satisfaction of his appetites.  Bimala has often
+warned me, in the old days, of his hankering after money.  I
+understood this, but I could not bring myself to haggle with
+Sandip.  I felt ashamed even to own to myself that he was trying
+to take advantage of me.
+
+It will, however, be difficult to explain to Bimala today that
+Sandip's love of country is but a different phase of his covetous
+self-love.  Bimala's hero-worship of Sandip makes me hesitate all
+the more to talk to her about him, lest some touch of jealousy
+may lead me unwittingly into exaggeration.  It may be that the
+pain at my heart is already making me see a distorted picture of
+Sandip.  And yet it is better perhaps to speak out than to keep
+my feelings gnawing within me.
+
+II
+
+
+
+I have known my master these thirty years.  Neither calumny, nor
+disaster, nor death itself has any terrors for him.  Nothing
+could have saved me, born as I was into the traditions of this
+family of ours, but that he has established his own life in the
+centre of mine, with its peace and truth and spiritual vision,
+thus making it possible for me to realize goodness in its truth.
+
+My master came to me that day and said: "Is it necessary to
+detain Sandip here any longer?"
+
+His nature was so sensitive to all omens of evil that he had at
+once understood.  He was not easily moved, but that day he felt
+the dark shadow of trouble ahead.  Do I not know how well he
+loves me?
+
+At tea-time I said to Sandip: "I have just had a letter from
+Rangpur.  They are complaining that I am selfishly detaining you.
+When will you be going there?"
+
+Bimala was pouring out the tea.  Her face fell at once.  She
+threw just one enquiring glance at Sandip.
+
+"I have been thinking," said Sandip, "that this wandering up and
+down means a tremendous waste of energy.  I feel that if I could
+work from a centre I could achieve more permanent results."
+
+With this he looked up at Bimala and asked: "Do you not think so
+too?"
+
+Bimala hesitated for a reply and then said: "Both ways seem good
+--to do the work from a centre, as well as by travelling about.
+That in which you find greater satisfaction is the way for you."
+
+"Then let me speak out my mind," said Sandip.  "I have never yet
+found any one source of inspiration suffice me for good.  That is
+why I have been constantly moving about, rousing enthusiasm in
+the people, from which in turn I draw my own store of energy.
+Today you have given me the message of my country.  Such fire I
+have never beheld in any man.  I shall be able to spread the fire
+of enthusiasm in my country by borrowing it from you.  No, do not
+be ashamed.  You are far above all modesty and diffidence.  You
+are the Queen Bee of our hive, and we the workers shall rally
+around you.  You shall be our centre, our inspiration."
+
+Bimala flushed all over with bashful pride and her hand shook as
+she went on pouring out the tea.
+
+Another day my master came to me and said: "Why don't you two go
+up to Darjeeling for a change?  You are not looking well.  Have
+you been getting enough sleep?"
+
+I asked Bimala in the evening whether she would care to have a
+trip to the Hills.  I knew she had a great longing to see the
+Himalayas.  But she refused ...  The country's Cause, I suppose!
+
+I must not lose my faith: I shall wait.  The passage from the
+narrow to the larger world is stormy.  When she is familiar with
+this freedom, then I shall know where my place is.  If I discover
+that I do not fit in with the arrangement of the outer world,
+then I shall not quarrel with my fate, but silently take my leave
+...  Use force?  But for what?  Can force prevail against Truth?
+
+
+
+Sandip's Story
+
+I
+
+
+
+The impotent man says: "That which has come to my share is mine."
+And the weak man assents.  But the lesson of the whole world is:
+"That is really mine which I can snatch away."  My country does
+not become mine simply because it is the country of my birth.  It
+becomes mine on the day when I am able to win it by force.
+
+Every man has a natural right to possess, and therefore greed is
+natural.  It is not in the wisdom of nature that we should be
+content to be deprived.  What my mind covets, my surroundings
+must supply.  This is the only true understanding between our
+inner and outer nature in this world.  Let moral ideals remain
+merely for those poor anaemic creatures of starved desire whose
+grasp is weak.  Those who can desire with all their soul and
+enjoy with all their heart, those who have no hesitation or
+scruple, it is they who are the anointed of Providence.  Nature
+spreads out her riches and loveliest treasures for their benefit.
+They swim across streams, leap over walls, kick open doors, to
+help themselves to whatever is worth taking.  In such a getting
+one can rejoice; such wresting as this gives value to the thing
+taken.
+
+Nature surrenders herself, but only to the robber.  For she
+delights in this forceful desire, this forceful abduction.  And
+so she does not put the garland of her acceptance round the lean,
+scraggy neck of the ascetic.  The music of the wedding march is
+struck.  The time of the wedding I must not let pass.  My heart
+therefore is eager.  For, who is the bridegroom?  It is I.  The
+bridegroom's place belongs to him who, torch in hand, can come in
+time.  The bridegroom in Nature's wedding hall comes unexpected
+and uninvited.
+
+Ashamed?  No, I am never ashamed!  I ask for whatever I want, and
+I do not always wait to ask before I take it.  Those who are
+deprived by their own diffidence dignify their privation by the
+name of modesty.  The world into which we are born is the world
+of reality.  When a man goes away from the market of real things
+with empty hands and empty stomach, merely filling his bag with
+big sounding words, I wonder why he ever came into this hard
+world at all.  Did these men get their appointment from the
+epicures of the religious world, to play set tunes on sweet,
+pious texts in that pleasure garden where blossom airy nothings?
+I neither affect those tunes nor do I find any sustenance in
+those blossoms.
+
+What I desire, I desire positively, superlatively.  I want to
+knead it with both my hands and both my feet; I want to smear it
+all over my body; I want to gorge myself with it to the full.
+The scrannel pipes of those who have worn themselves out by their
+moral fastings, till they have become flat and pale like starved
+vermin infesting a long-deserted bed, will never reach my ear.
+
+I would conceal nothing, because that would be cowardly.  But if
+I cannot bring myself to conceal when concealment is needful,
+that also is cowardly.  Because you have your greed, you build
+your walls.  Because I have my greed, I break through them.  You
+use your power: I use my craft.  These are the realities of life.
+On these depend kingdoms and empires and all the great
+enterprises of men.
+
+As for those __avatars__ who come down from their paradise to
+talk to us in some holy jargon--their words are not real.
+Therefore, in spite of all the applause they get, these sayings
+of theirs only find a place in the hiding corners of the weak.
+
+They are despised by those who are strong, the rulers of the
+world.  Those who have had the courage to see this have won
+success, while those poor wretches who are dragged one way by
+nature and the other way by these ava tars, they set one foot in
+the boat of the real and the other in the boat of the unreal, and
+thus are in a pitiable plight, able neither to advance nor to
+keep their place.
+
+There are many men who seem to have been born only with an
+obsession to die.  Possibly there is a beauty, like that of a
+sunset, in this lingering death in life which seems to fascinate
+them.  Nikhil lives this kind of life, if life it may be called.
+Years ago, I had a great argument with him on this point.
+
+"It is true," he said, "that you cannot get anything except by
+force.  But then what is this force?  And then also, what is this
+getting?  The strength I believe in is the strength of
+renouncing."
+
+"So you," I exclaimed, "are infatuated with the glory of
+bankruptcy."
+
+"Just as desperately as the chick is infatuated about the
+bankruptcy of its shell," he replied.  "The shell is real enough,
+yet it is given up in exchange for intangible light and air.  A
+sorry exchange, I suppose you would call it?"
+
+When once Nikhil gets on to metaphor, there is no hope of making
+him see that he is merely dealing with words, not with realities.
+Well, well, let him be happy with his metaphors.  We are the
+flesh-eaters of the world; we have teeth and nails; we pursue and
+grab and tear.  We are not satisfied with chewing in the evening
+the cud of the grass we have eaten in the morning.  Anyhow, we
+cannot allow your metaphor-mongers to bar the door to our
+sustenance.  In that case we shall simply steal or rob, for we
+must live.
+
+People will say that I am starting some novel theory just because
+those who are moving in this world are in the habit of talking
+differently though they are really acting up to it all the time.
+Therefore they fail to understand, as I do, that this is the only
+working moral principle.  In point of fact, I know that my idea
+is not an empty theory at all, for it has been proved in
+practical life.  I have found that my way always wins over the
+hearts of women, who are creatures of this world of reality and
+do not roam about in cloud-land, as men do, in idea-filled
+balloons.
+
+Women find in my features, my manner, my gait, my speech, a
+masterful passion--not a passion dried thin with the heat of
+asceticism, not a passion with its face turned back at every step
+in doubt and debate, but a full-blooded passion.  It roars and
+rolls on, like a flood, with the cry: "I want, I want, I want."
+Women feel, in their own heart of hearts, that this indomitable
+passion is the lifeblood of the world, acknowledging no law but
+itself, and therefore victorious.  For this reason they have so
+often abandoned themselves to be swept away on the flood-tide of
+my passion, recking naught as to whether it takes them to life or
+to death.  This power which wins these women is the power of
+mighty men, the power which wins the world of reality.
+
+Those who imagine the greater desirability of another world
+merely shift their desires from the earth to the skies.  It
+remains to be seen how high their gushing fountain will play, and
+for how long.  But this much is certain: women were not created
+for these pale creatures--these lotus-eaters of idealism.
+
+"Affinity!"  When it suited my need, I have often said that God
+has created special pairs of men and women, and that the union of
+such is the only legitimate union, higher than all unions made by
+law.  The reason of it is, that though man wants to follow
+nature, he can find no pleasure in it unless he screens himself
+with some phrase--and that is why this world is so overflowing
+with lies.
+
+"Affinity!"  Why should there be only one?  There may be affinity
+with thousands.  It was never in my agreement with nature that I
+should overlook all my innumerable affinities for the sake of
+only one.  I have discovered many in my own life up to now, yet
+that has not closed the door to one more--and that one is clearly
+visible to my eyes.  She has also discovered her own affinity to
+me.
+
+And then?
+
+Then, if I do not win I am a coward.
+
+
+
+Chapter Three
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+VI
+
+
+
+I WONDER what could have happened to my feeling of shame.  The
+fact is, I had no time to think about myself.  My days and nights
+were passing in a whirl, like an eddy with myself in the centre.
+No gap was left for hesitation or delicacy to enter.
+
+One day my sister-in-law remarked to my husband: "Up to now the
+women of this house have been kept weeping.  Here comes the men's
+turn.
+
+"We must see that they do not miss it," she continued, turning to
+me.  "I see you are out for the fray, Chota [12] Rani!  Hurl your
+shafts straight at their hearts."
+
+Her keen eyes looked me up and down.  Not one of the colours into
+which my toilet, my dress, my manners, my speech, had blossomed
+out had escaped her.  I am ashamed to speak of it today, but I
+felt no shame then.  Something within me was at work of which I
+was not even conscious.  I used to overdress, it is true, but
+more like an automaton, with no particular design.  No doubt I
+knew which effort of mine would prove specially pleasing to
+Sandip Babu, but that required no intuition, for he would discuss
+it openly before all of them.
+
+One day he said to my husband: "Do you know, Nikhil, when I first
+saw our Queen Bee, she was sitting there so demurely in her gold-
+bordered __sari__.  Her eyes were gazing inquiringly into
+space, like stars which had lost their way, just as if she had
+been for ages standing on the edge of some darkness, looking out
+for something unknown.  But when I saw her, I felt a quiver run
+through me.  It seemed to me that the gold border of her
+__sari__ was her own inner fire flaming out and twining round
+her.  That is the flame we want, visible fire!  Look here, Queen
+Bee, you really must do us the favour of dressing once more as a
+living flame."
+
+So long I had been like a small river at the border of a village.
+My rhythm and my language were different from what they are now.
+But the tide came up from the sea, and my breast heaved; my banks
+gave way and the great drumbeats of the sea waves echoed in my
+mad current.  I could not understand the meaning of that sound in
+my blood.  Where was that former self of mine?  Whence came
+foaming into me this surging flood of glory?  Sandip's hungry
+eyes burnt like the lamps of worship before my shrine.  All his
+gaze proclaimed that I was a wonder in beauty and power; and the
+loudness of his praise, spoken and unspoken, drowned all other
+voices in my world.  Had the Creator created me afresh, I
+wondered?  Did he wish to make up now for neglecting me so long?
+I who before was plain had become suddenly beautiful.  I who
+before had been of no account now felt in myself all the
+splendour of Bengal itself.
+
+For Sandip Babu was not a mere individual.  In him was the
+confluence of millions of minds of the country.  When he called
+me the Queen Bee of the hive, I was acclaimed with a chorus of
+praise by all our patriot workers.  After that, the loud jests of
+my sister-in-law could not touch me any longer.  My relations
+with all the world underwent a change.  Sandip Babu made it clear
+how all the country was in need of me.  I had no difficulty in
+believing this at the time, for I felt that I had the power to do
+everything.  Divine strength had come to me.  It was something
+which I had never felt before, which was beyond myself.  I had no
+time to question it to find out what was its nature.  It seemed
+to belong to me, and yet to transcend me.  It comprehended the
+whole of Bengal.
+
+Sandip Babu would consult me about every little thing touching
+the Cause.  At first I felt very awkward and would hang back, but
+that soon wore off.  Whatever I suggested seemed to astonish him.
+He would go into raptures and say: "Men can only think.  You
+women have a way of understanding without thinking.  Woman was
+created out of God's own fancy.  Man, He had to hammer into
+shape."
+
+Letters used to come to Sandip Babu from all parts of the country
+which were submitted to me for my opinion.  Occasionally he
+disagreed with me.  But I would not argue with him.  Then after a
+day or two--as if a new light had suddenly dawned upon him--he
+would send for me and say: "It was my mistake.  Your suggestion
+was the correct one."  He would often confess to me that wherever
+he had taken steps contrary to my advice he had gone wrong.  Thus
+I gradually came to be convinced that behind whatever was taking
+place was Sandip Babu, and behind Sandip Babu was the plain
+common sense of a woman.  The glory of a great responsibility
+filled my being.
+
+My husband had no place in our counsels.  Sandip Babu treated him
+as a younger brother, of whom personally one may be very fond and
+yet have no use for his business advice.  He would tenderly and
+smilingly talk about my husband's childlike innocence, saying
+that his curious doctrine and perversities of mind had a flavour
+of humour which made them all the more lovable.  It was seemingly
+this very affection for Nikhil which led Sandip Babu to forbear
+from troubling him with the burden of the country.
+
+Nature has many anodynes in her pharmacy, which she secretly
+administers when vital relations are being insidiously severed,
+so that none may know of the operation, till at last one awakes
+to know what a great rent has been made.  When the knife was busy
+with my life's most intimate tie, my mind was so clouded with
+fumes of intoxicating gas that I was not in the least aware of
+what a cruel thing was happening.  Possibly this is woman's
+nature.  When her passion is roused she loses her sensibility for
+all that is outside it.  When, like the river, we women keep to
+our banks, we give nourishment with all that we have: when we
+overflow them we destroy with all that we are.
+
+------
+
+12. Bimala.  the younger brother's wife, was the __Chota__ or
+Junior Rani.
+
+
+
+Sandip's Story
+
+II
+
+
+
+I can see that something has gone wrong.  I got an inkling of it
+the other day.
+
+Ever since my arrival, Nikhil's sitting-room had become a thing
+amphibious--half women's apartment, half men's: Bimala had access
+to it from the zenana, it was not barred to me from the outer
+side.  If we had only gone slow, and made use of our privileges
+with some restraint, we might not have fallen foul of other
+people.  But we went ahead so vehemently that we could not think
+of the consequences.
+
+Whenever Bee comes into Nikhil's room, I somehow get to know of
+it from mine.  There are the tinkle of bangles and other little
+sounds; the door is perhaps shut with a shade of unnecessary
+vehemence; the bookcase is a trifle stiff and creaks if jerked
+open.  When I enter I find Bee, with her back to the door, ever
+so busy selecting a book from the shelves.  And as I offer to
+assist her in this difficult task she starts and protests; and
+then we naturally get on to other topics.
+
+The other day, on an inauspicious [13] Thursday afternoon, I
+sallied forth from my room at the call of these same sounds.
+There was a man on guard in the passage.  I walked on without so
+much as glancing at him, but as I approached the door he put
+himself in my way saying: "Not that way, sir."
+
+"Not that way!  Why?"
+
+"The Rani Mother is there."
+
+"Oh, very well.  Tell your Rani Mother that Sandip Babu wants to
+see her."
+
+"That cannot be, sir.  It is against orders."
+
+I felt highly indignant.  "I order you!"  I said in a raised
+voice.
+
+"Go and announce me."
+
+The fellow was somewhat taken aback at my attitude.  In the
+meantime I had neared the door.  I was on the point of reaching
+it, when he followed after me and took me by the arm saying: "No,
+sir, you must not."
+
+What!  To be touched by a flunkey!  I snatched away my arm and
+gave the man a sounding blow.  At this moment Bee came out of the
+room to find the man about to insult me.
+
+I shall never forget the picture of her wrath!  That Bee is
+beautiful is a discovery of my own.  Most of our people would see
+nothing in her.  Her tall, slim figure these boors would call
+"lanky".  But it is just this lithesomeness of hers that I
+admire--like an up-leaping fountain of life, coming direct out of
+the depths of the Creator's heart.  Her complexion is dark, but
+it is the lustrous darkness of a sword-blade, keen and
+scintillating.
+
+"Nanku!"  she commanded, as she stood in the doorway, pointing
+with her finger, "leave us."
+
+"Do not be angry with him," said I.  "If it is against orders, it
+is I who should retire."
+
+Bee's voice was still trembling as she replied: "You must not go.
+Come in."
+
+It was not a request, but again a command!  I followed her in,
+and taking a chair fanned myself with a fan which was on the
+table.  Bee scribbled something with a pencil on a sheet of paper
+and, summoning a servant, handed it to him saying: "Take this to
+the Maharaja."
+
+"Forgive me," I resumed.  "I was unable to control myself, and
+hit that man of yours.
+
+"You served him right," said Bee.
+
+"But it was not the poor fellow's fault, after all.  He was only
+obeying his orders."
+
+Here Nikhil came in, and as he did so I left my seat with a rapid
+movement and went and stood near the window with my back to the
+room.
+
+"Nanku, the guard, has insulted Sandip Babu," said Bee to Nikhil.
+
+Nikhil seemed to be so genuinely surprised that I had to turn
+round and stare at him.  Even an outrageously good man fails in
+keeping up his pride of truthfulness before his wife--if she be
+the proper kind of woman.
+
+"He insolently stood in the way when Sandip Babu was coming in
+here," continued Bee.  "He said he had orders ..."
+
+"Whose orders?"  asked Nikhil.
+
+"How am I to know?"  exclaimed Bee impatiently, her eyes brimming
+over with mortification.
+
+Nikhil sent for the man and questioned him.  "It was not my
+fault," Nanku repeated sullenly.  "I had my orders."
+
+"Who gave you the order?"
+
+"The Bara Rani Mother."
+
+We were all silent for a while.  After the man had left, Bee
+said: "Nanku must go!"
+
+Nikhil remained silent.  I could see that his sense of justice
+would not allow this.  There was no end to his qualms.  But this
+time he was up against a tough problem.  Bee was not the woman to
+take things lying down.  She would have to get even with her
+sister-in-law by punishing this fellow.  And as Nikhil remained
+silent, her eyes flashed fire.  She knew not how to pour her
+scorn upon her husband's feebleness of spirit.  Nikhil left the
+room after a while without another word.
+
+The next day Nanku was not to be seen.  On inquiry, I learnt that
+he had been sent off to some other part of the estates, and that
+his wages had not suffered by such transfer.
+
+I could catch glimpses of the ravages of the storm raging over
+this, behind the scenes.  All I can say is, that Nikhil is a
+curious creature, quite out of the common.
+
+The upshot was, that after this Bee began to send for me to the
+sitting-room, for a chat, without any contrivance, or pretence of
+its being an accident.  Thus from bare suggestion we came to
+broad hint: the implied came to be expressed.  The daughter-in-
+law of a princely house lives in a starry region so remote from
+the ordinary outsider that there is not even a regular road for
+his approach.  What a triumphal progress of Truth was this which,
+gradually but persistently, thrust aside veil after veil of
+obscuring custom, till at length Nature herself was laid bare.
+
+Truth?  Of course it was the truth!  The attraction of man and
+woman for each other is fundamental.  The whole world of matter,
+from the speck of dust upwards, is ranged on its side.  And yet
+men would keep it hidden away out of sight, behind a tissue of
+words; and with home-made sanctions and prohibitions make of it a
+domestic utensil.  Why, it's as absurd as melting down the solar
+system to make a watch-chain for one's son-in-law!  [14]
+
+When, in spite of all, reality awakes at the call of what is but
+naked truth, what a gnashing of teeth and beating of breasts is
+there!  But can one carry on a quarrel with a storm?  It never
+takes the trouble to reply, it only gives a shaking.
+
+I am enjoying the sight of this truth, as it gradually reveals
+itself.  These tremblings of steps, these turnings of the face,
+are sweet to me: and sweet are the deceptions which deceive not
+only others, but also Bee herself.  When Reality has to meet the
+unreal, deception is its principal weapon; for its enemies always
+try to shame Reality by calling it gross, and so it needs must
+hide itself, or else put on some disguise.  The circumstances are
+such that it dare not frankly avow: "Yes, I am gross, because I
+am true.  I am flesh.  I am passion.  I am hunger, unashamed and
+cruel."
+
+All is now clear to me.  The curtain flaps, and through it I can
+see the preparations for the catastrophe.  The little red ribbon,
+which peeps through the luxuriant masses of her hair, with its
+flush of secret longing, it is the lolling tongue of the red
+storm cloud.  I feel the warmth of each turn of her __sari__,
+each suggestion of her raiment, of which even the wearer may not
+be fully conscious.
+
+Bee was not conscious, because she was ashamed of the reality; to
+which men have given a bad name, calling it Satan; and so it has
+to steal into the garden of paradise in the guise of a snake, and
+whisper secrets into the ears of man's chosen consort and make
+her rebellious; then farewell to all ease; and after that comes
+death!
+
+My poor little Queen Bee is living in a dream.  She knows not
+which way she is treading.  It would not be safe to awaken her
+before the time.  It is best for me to pretend to be equally
+unconscious.
+
+The other day, at dinner, she was gazing at me in a curious sort
+of way, little realizing what such glances mean!  As my eyes met
+hers, she turned away with a flush.  "You are surprised at my
+appetite," I remarked.  "I can hide everything, except that I am
+greedy!  Anyhow, why trouble to blush for me, since I am
+shameless?"
+
+This only made her colour more furiously, as she stammered: "No,
+no, I was only..."
+
+"I know," I interrupted.  "Women have a weakness for greedy men;
+for it is this greed of ours which gives them the upper hand.
+The indulgence which I have always received at their hands has
+made me all the more shameless.  I do not mind your watching the
+good things disappear, not one bit.  I mean to enjoy every one of
+them."
+
+The other day I was reading an English book in which sex-problems
+were treated in an audaciously realistic manner.  I had left it
+lying in the sitting-room.  As I went there the next afternoon,
+for something or other, I found Bee seated with this book in her
+hand.  When she heard my footsteps she hurriedly put it down and
+placed another book over it--a volume of Mrs Hemans's poems.
+
+"I have never been able to make out," I began, "why women are so
+shy about being caught reading poetry.  We men--lawyers,
+mechanics, or what not--may well feel ashamed.  If we must read
+poetry, it should be at dead of night, within closed doors.  But
+you women are so akin to poesy.  The Creator Himself is a lyric
+poet, and Jayadeva [15] must have practised the divine art seated
+at His feet."
+
+Bee made no reply, but only blushed uncomfortably.  She made as
+if she would leave the room.  Whereupon I protested: "No, no,
+pray read on.  I will just take a book I left here, and run
+away."  With which I took up my book from the table.  "Lucky you
+did not think of glancing over its pages," I continued, "or you
+would have wanted to chastise me."
+
+"Indeed!  Why?"  asked Bee.
+
+"Because it is not poetry," said I.  "Only blunt things, bluntly
+put, without any finicking niceness.  I wish Nikhil would read
+it."
+
+Bee frowned a little as she murmured: "What makes you wish that?"
+
+"He is a man, you see, one of us.  My only quarrel with him is
+that he delights in a misty vision of this world.  Have you not
+observed how this trait of his makes him look on __Swadeshi__
+as if it was some poem of which the metre must be kept correct at
+every step?  We, with the clubs of our prose, are the iconoclasts
+of metre."
+
+"What has your book to do with __Swadeshi__?"
+
+"You would know if you only read it.  Nikhil wants to go by made-
+up maxims, in __Swadeshi__ as in everything else; so he knocks
+up against human nature at every turn, and then falls to abusing
+it.  He never will realize that human nature was created long
+before phrases were, and will survive them too."
+
+Bee was silent for a while and then gravely said: "Is it not a
+part of human nature to try and rise superior to itself?"
+
+I smiled inwardly.  "These are not your words", I thought to
+myself.  "You have learnt them from Nikhil.  You are a healthy
+human being.  Your flesh and blood have responded to the call of
+reality.  You are burning in every vein with life-fire--do I not
+know it?  How long should they keep you cool with the wet towel
+of moral precepts?"
+
+"The weak are in the majority," I said aloud.  "They are
+continually poisoning the ears of men by repeating these
+shibboleths.  Nature has denied them strength--it is thus that
+they try to enfeeble others."
+
+"We women are weak," replied Bimala.  "So I suppose we must join
+in the conspiracy of the weak."
+
+"Women weak!"  I exclaimed with a laugh.  "Men belaud you as
+delicate and fragile, so as to delude you into thinking
+yourselves weak.  But it is you women who are strong.  Men make a
+great outward show of their so-called freedom, but those who know
+their inner minds are aware of their bondage.  They have
+manufactured scriptures with their own hands to bind themselves;
+with their very idealism they have made golden fetters of women
+to wind round their body and mind.  If men had not that
+extraordinary faculty of entangling themselves in meshes of their
+own contriving, nothing could have kept them bound.  But as for
+you women, you have desired to conceive reality with body and
+soul.  You have given birth to reality.  You have suckled reality
+at your breasts."
+
+Bee was well read for a woman, and would not easily give in to my
+arguments.  "If that were true," she objected, "men would not
+have found women attractive."
+
+"Women realize the danger," I replied.  "They know that men love
+delusions, so they give them full measure by borrowing their own
+phrases.  They know that man, the drunkard, values intoxication
+more than food, and so they try to pass themselves off as an
+intoxicant.  As a matter of fact, but for the sake of man, woman
+has no need for any make-believe."
+
+"Why, then, are you troubling to destroy the illusion?"
+
+"For freedom.  I want the country to be free.  I want human
+relations to be free."
+
+------
+
+13. According to the Hindu calendar [Trans.].
+
+14. The son-in-law is the pet of a Hindu household.
+
+15. A Vaishnava poet (Sanskrit) whose lyrics of the adoration of
+the Divinity serve as well to express all shades of human passion
+[Trans.].
+
+III
+
+
+
+I was aware that it is unsafe suddenly to awake a sleep-walker.
+But I am so impetuous by nature, a halting gait does not suit me.
+I knew I was overbold that day.  I knew that the first shock of
+such ideas is apt to be almost intolerable.  But with women it is
+always audacity that wins.
+
+Just as we were getting on nicely, who should walk in but
+Nikhil's old tutor Chandranath Babu.  The world would have been
+not half a bad place to live in but for these schoolmasters, who
+make one want to quit in disgust.  The Nikhil type wants to keep
+the world always a school.  This incarnation of a school turned
+up that afternoon at the psychological moment.
+
+We all remain schoolboys in some corner of our hearts, and I,
+even I, felt somewhat pulled up.  As for poor Bee, she at once
+took her place solemnly, like the topmost girl of the class on
+the front bench.  All of a sudden she seemed to remember that she
+had to face her examination.
+
+Some people are so like eternal pointsmen lying in wait by the
+line, to shunt one's train of thought from one rail to another.
+
+Chandranath Babu had no sooner come in than he cast about for
+some excuse to retire, mumbling: "I beg your pardon, I..."
+
+Before he could finish, Bee went up to him and made a profound
+obeisance, saying: "Pray do not leave us, sir.  Will you not take
+a seat?"  She looked like a drowning person clutching at him for
+support--the little coward!
+
+But possibly I was mistaken.  It is quite likely that there was a
+touch of womanly wile in it.  She wanted, perhaps, to raise her
+value in my eyes.  She might have been pointedly saying to me:
+"Please don't imagine for a moment that I am entirely overcome by
+you.  My respect for Chandranath Babu is even greater."
+
+Well, indulge in your respect by all means!  Schoolmasters thrive
+on it.  But not being one of them, I have no use for that empty
+compliment.
+
+Chandranath Babu began to talk about __Swadeshi__.  I thought
+I would let him go on with his monologues.  There is nothing like
+letting an old man talk himself out.  It makes him feel that he
+is winding up the world, forgetting all the while how far away
+the real world is from his wagging tongue.
+
+But even my worst enemy would not accuse me of patience.  And
+when Chandranath Babu went on to say: "If we expect to gather
+fruit where we have sown no seed, then we ..."  I had to
+interrupt him.
+
+"Who wants fruit?"  I cried.  "We go by the Author of the Gita
+who says that we are concerned only with the doing, not with the
+fruit of our deeds."
+
+"What is it then that you do want?"  asked Chandranath Babu.
+
+"Thorns!"  I exclaimed, "which cost nothing to plant."
+
+"Thorns do not obstruct others only," he replied.  "They have a
+way of hurting one's own feet."
+
+"That is all right for a copy-book," I retorted.  "But the real
+thing is that we have this burning at heart.  Now we have only to
+cultivate thorns for other's soles; afterwards when they hurt us
+we shall find leisure to repent.  But why be frightened even of
+that?  When at last we have to die it will be time enough to get
+cold.  While we are on fire let us seethe and boil."
+
+Chandranath Babu smiled.  "Seethe by all means," he said, "but do
+not mistake it for work, or heroism.  Nations which have got on
+in the world have done so by action, not by ebullition.  Those
+who have always lain in dread of work, when with a start they
+awake to their sorry plight, they look to short-cuts and scamping
+for their deliverance."
+
+I was girding up my loins to deliver a crushing reply, when
+Nikhil came back.  Chandranath Babu rose, and looking towards
+Bee, said: "Let me go now, my little mother, I have some work to
+attend to."
+
+As he left, I showed Nikhil the book in my hand.  "I was telling
+Queen Bee about this book," I said.
+
+Ninety-nine per cent of people have to be deluded with lies, but
+it is easier to delude this perpetual pupil of the schoolmaster
+with the truth.  He is best cheated openly.  So, in playing with
+him, the simplest course was to lay my cards on the table.
+
+Nikhil read the title on the cover, but said nothing.  "These
+writers," I continued, "are busy with their brooms, sweeping away
+the dust of epithets with which men have covered up this world of
+ours.  So, as I was saying, I wish you would read it."
+
+"I have read it," said Nikhil.
+
+"Well, what do you say?"
+
+"It is all very well for those who really care to think, but
+poison for those who shirk thought."
+
+"What do you mean?"
+
+"Those who preach 'Equal Rights of Property' should not be
+thieves.  For, if they are, they would be preaching lies.  When
+passion is in the ascendant, this kind of book is not rightly
+understood."
+
+"Passion," I replied, "is the street lamp which guides us.  To
+call it untrue is as hopeless as to expect to see better by
+plucking out our natural eyes."
+
+Nikhil was visibly growing excited.  "I accept the truth of
+passion," he said, "only when I recognize the truth of restraint.
+By pressing what we want to see right into our eyes we only
+injure them: we do not see.  So does the violence of passion,
+which would leave no space between the mind and its object,
+defeat its purpose."
+
+"It is simply your intellectual foppery," I replied, "which makes
+you indulge in moral delicacy, ignoring the savage side of truth.
+This merely helps you to mystify things, and so you fail to do
+your work with any degree of strength."
+
+"The intrusion of strength," said Nikhil impatiently, "where
+strength is out of place, does not help you in your work ...  But
+why are we arguing about these things?  Vain arguments only brush
+off the fresh bloom of truth."
+
+I wanted Bee to join in the discussion, but she had not said a
+word up to now.  Could I have given her too rude a shock, leaving
+her assailed with doubts and wanting to learn her lesson afresh
+from the schoolmaster?  Still, a thorough shaking-up is
+essential.  One must begin by realizing that things supposed to
+be unshakeable can be shaken.
+
+"I am glad I had this talk with you," I said to Nikhil, "for I
+was on the point of lending this book to Queen Bee to read."
+
+"What harm?"  said Nikhil.  "If I could read the book, why not
+Bimala too?  All I want to say is, that in Europe people look at
+everything from the viewpoint of science.  But man is neither
+mere physiology, nor biology, nor psychology, nor even sociology.
+For God's sake don't forget that.  Man is infinitely more than
+the natural science of himself.  You laugh at me, calling me the
+schoolmaster's pupil, but that is what you are, not I.  You want
+to find the truth of man from your science teachers, and not from
+your own inner being."
+
+"But why all this excitement?"  I mocked.
+
+"Because I see you are bent on insulting man and making him
+petty."
+
+"Where on earth do you see all that?"
+
+"In the air, in my outraged feelings.  You would go on wounding
+the great, the unselfish, the beautiful in man."
+
+"What mad idea is this of yours?"
+
+Nikhil suddenly stood up.  "I tell you plainly, Sandip," he said,
+"man may be wounded unto death, but he will not die.  This is the
+reason why I am ready to suffer all, knowing all, with eyes
+open."
+
+With these words he hurriedly left the room.
+
+I was staring blankly at his retreating figure, when the sound of
+a book, falling from the table, made me turn to find Bee
+following him with quick, nervous steps, making a detour to avoid
+passing too near me.
+
+A curious creature, that Nikhil!  He feels the danger threatening
+his home, and yet why does he not turn me out?  I know, he is
+waiting for Bimal to give him the cue.  If Bimal tells him that
+their mating has been a misfit, he will bow his head and admit
+that it may have been a blunder!  He has not the strength of mind
+to understand that to acknowledge a mistake is the greatest of
+all mistakes.  He is a typical example of how ideas make for
+weakness.  I have not seen another like him--so whimsical a
+product of nature!  He would hardly do as a character in a novel
+or drama, to say nothing of real life.
+
+And Bee?  I am afraid her dream-life is over from today.  She has
+at length understood the nature of the current which is bearing
+her along.  Now she must either advance or retreat, open-eyed.
+The chances are she will now advance a step, and then retreat a
+step.  But that does not disturb me.  When one is on fire, this
+rushing to and fro makes the blaze all the fiercer.  The fright
+she has got will only fan her passion.
+
+Perhaps I had better not say much to her, but simply select some
+modern books for her to read.  Let her gradually come to the
+conviction that to acknowledge and respect passion as the supreme
+reality, is to be modern--not to be ashamed of it, not to glorify
+restraint.  If she finds shelter in some such word as "modern",
+she will find strength.
+
+Be that as it may, I must see this out to the end of the Fifth
+Act.  I cannot, unfortunately, boast of being merely a spectator,
+seated in the royal box, applauding now and again.  There is a
+wrench at my heart, a pang in every nerve.  When I have put out
+the light and am in my bed, little touches, little glances,
+little words flit about and fill the darkness.  When I get up in
+the morning, I thrill with lively anticipations, my blood seems
+to course through me to the strains of music ...
+
+There was a double photo-frame on the table with Bee's photograph
+by the side of Nikhil's.  I had taken out hers.  Yesterday I
+showed Bee the empty side and said: "Theft becomes necessary only
+because of miserliness, so its sin must be divided between the
+miser and the thief.  Do you not think so?"
+
+"It was not a good one," observed Bee simply, with a little
+smile.
+
+"What is to be done?"  said I.  "A portrait cannot be better than
+a portrait.  I must be content with it, such as it is."
+
+Bee took up a book and began to turn over the pages.  "If you are
+annoyed," I went on, "I must make a shift to fill up the
+vacancy."
+
+Today I have filled it up.  This photograph of mine was taken in
+my early youth.  My face was then fresher, and so was my mind.
+Then I still cherished some illusions about this world and the
+next.  Faith deceives men, but it has one great merit: it imparts
+a radiance to the features.
+
+My portrait now reposes next to Nikhil's, for are not the two of
+us old friends?
+
+
+
+Chapter Four
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+III
+
+
+I WAS never self-conscious.  But nowadays I often try to take an
+outside view--to see myself as Bimal sees me.  What a dismally
+solemn picture it makes, my habit of taking things too seriously!
+
+Better, surely, to laugh away the world than flood it with tears.
+That is, in fact, how the world gets on.  We relish our food and
+rest, only because we can dismiss, as so many empty shadows, the
+sorrows scattered everywhere, both in the home and in the outer
+world.  If we took them as true, even for a moment, where would
+be our appetite, our sleep?
+
+But I cannot dismiss myself as one of these shadows, and so the
+load of my sorrow lies eternally heavy on the heart of my world.
+
+Why not stand out aloof in the highway of the universe, and feel
+yourself to be part of the all?  In the midst of the immense,
+age-long concourse of humanity, what is Bimal to you?  Your wife?
+What is a wife?  A bubble of a name blown big with your own
+breath, so carefully guarded night and day, yet ready to burst at
+any pin-prick from outside.
+
+My wife--and so, forsooth, my very own!  If she says: "No, I am
+myself"--am I to reply: "How can that be?  Are you not mine?"
+
+"My wife"--Does that amount to an argument, much less the truth?
+Can one imprison a whole personality within that name?
+
+My wife!--Have I not cherished in this little world all that is
+purest and sweetest in my life, never for a moment letting it
+down from my bosom to the dust?  What incense of worship, what
+music of passion, what flowers of my spring and of my autumn,
+have I not offered up at its shrine?  If, like a toy paper-boat,
+she be swept along into the muddy waters of the gutter--would I
+not also...  ?
+
+There it is again, my incorrigible solemnity!  Why "muddy"?  What
+"gutter" names, called in a fit of jealousy, do not change the
+facts of the world.  If Bimal is not mine, she is not; and no
+fuming, or fretting, or arguing will serve to prove that she is.
+If my heart is breaking--let it break!  That will not make the
+world bankrupt--nor even me; for man is so much greater than the
+things he loses in this life.  The very ocean of tears has its
+other shore, else none would have ever wept.
+
+But then there is Society to be considered ...  which let Society
+consider!  If I weep it is for myself, not for Society.  If Bimal
+should say she is not mine, what care I where my Society wife may
+be?
+
+Suffering there must be; but I must save myself, by any means in
+my power, from one form of self-torture: I must never think that
+my life loses its value because of any neglect it may suffer.
+The full value of my life does not all go to buy my narrow
+domestic world; its great commerce does not stand or fall with
+some petty success or failure in the bartering of my personal
+joys and sorrows.
+
+The time has come when I must divest Bimala of all the ideal
+decorations with which I decked her.  It was owing to my own
+weakness that I indulged in such idolatry.  I was too greedy.  I
+created an angel of Bimala, in order to exaggerate my own
+enjoyment.  But Bimala is what she is.  It is preposterous to
+expect that she should assume the rôle of an angel for my
+pleasure.  The Creator is under no obligation to supply me with
+angels, just because I have an avidity for imaginary perfection.
+
+I must acknowledge that I have merely been an accident in
+Bimala's life.  Her nature, perhaps, can only find true union
+with one like Sandip.  At the same time, I must not, in false
+modesty, accept my rejection as my desert.  Sandip certainly has
+attractive qualities, which had their sway also upon myself; but
+yet, I feel sure, he is not a greater man than I.  If the wreath
+of victory falls to his lot today, and I am overlooked, then the
+dispenser of the wreath will be called to judgement.
+
+I say this in no spirit of boasting.  Sheer necessity has driven
+me to the pass, that to secure myself from utter desolation I
+must recognize all the value that I truly possess.  Therefore,
+through the, terrible experience of suffering let there come upon
+me the joy of deliverance--deliverance from self-distrust.
+
+I have come to distinguish what is really in me from what I
+foolishly imagined to be there.  The profit and loss account has
+been settled, and that which remains is myself--not a crippled
+self, dressed in rags and tatters, not a sick self to be nursed
+on invalid diet, but a spirit which has gone through the worst,
+and has survived.
+
+My master passed through my room a moment ago and said with his
+hand on my shoulder.  "Get away to bed, Nikhil, the night is far
+advanced."
+
+The fact is, it has become so difficult for me to go to bed till
+late--till Bimal is fast asleep.  In the day-time we meet, and
+even converse, but what am I to say when we are alone together,
+in the silence of the night?--so ashamed do I feel in mind and
+body.
+
+"How is it, sir, you have not yet retired?"  I asked in my turn.
+My master smiled a little, as he left me, saying: "My sleeping
+days are over.  I have now attained the waking age."
+
+I had written thus far, and was about to rise to go off bedwards
+when, through the window before me, I saw the heavy pall of July
+cloud suddenly part a little, and a big star shine through.  It
+seemed to say to me: "Dreamland ties are made, and dreamland ties
+are broken, but I am here for ever--the everlasting lamp of the
+bridal night."
+
+All at once my heart was full with the thought that my Eternal
+Love was steadfastly waiting for me through the ages, behind the
+veil of material things.  Through many a life, in many a mirror,
+have I seen her image--broken mirrors, crooked mirrors, dusty
+mirrors.  Whenever I have sought to make the mirror my very own,
+and shut it up within my box, I have lost sight of the image.
+But what of that.  What have I to do with the mirror, or even the
+image?
+
+My beloved, your smile shall never fade, and every dawn there
+shall appear fresh for me the vermilion mark on your forehead!
+
+"What childish cajolery of self-deception," mocks some devil from
+his dark corner--"silly prattle to make children quiet!"
+
+That may be.  But millions and millions of children, with their
+million cries, have to be kept quiet.  Can it be that all this
+multitude is quieted with only a lie?  No, my Eternal Love cannot
+deceive me, for she is true!
+
+She is true; that is why I have seen her and shall see her so
+often, even in my mistakes, even through the thickest mist of
+tears.  I have seen her and lost her in the crowd of life's
+market-place, and found her again; and I shall find her once more
+when I have escaped through the loophole of death.
+
+Ah, cruel one, play with me no longer!  If I have failed to track
+you by the marks of your footsteps on the way, by the scent of
+your tresses lingering in the air, make me not weep for that for
+ever.  The unveiled star tells me not to fear.  That which is
+eternal must always be there.
+
+Now let me go and see my Bimala.  She must have spread her tired
+limbs on the bed, limp after her struggles, and be asleep.  I
+will leave a kiss on her forehead without waking her--that shall
+be the flower-offering of my worship.  I believe I could forget
+everything after death--all my mistakes, all my sufferings--but
+some vibration of the memory of that kiss would remain; for the
+wreath which is being woven out of the kisses of many a
+successive birth is to crown the Eternal Beloved.
+
+As the gong of the watch rang out, sounding the hour of two, my
+sister-in-law came into the room.  "Whatever are you doing,
+brother dear?"  [16] she cried.  "For pity's sake go to bed and
+stop worrying so.  I cannot bear to look on that awful shadow of
+pain on your face."  Tears welled up in her eyes and overflowed
+as she entreated me thus.
+
+I could not utter a word, but took the dust of her feet, as I
+went off to bed.
+
+------
+
+16. When a relationship is established by marriage, or by mutual
+understanding arising out of special friendship or affection, the
+persons so related call each other in terms of such relationship,
+and not by name.  [Trans.].
+
+
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+VII
+
+
+
+At first I suspected nothing, feared nothing; I simply felt
+dedicated to my country.  What a stupendous joy there was in this
+unquestioning surrender.  Verily had I realized how, in
+thoroughness of self-destruction, man can find supreme bliss.
+
+For aught I know, this frenzy of mine might have come to a
+gradual, natural end.  But Sandip Babu would not have it so, he
+would insist on revealing himself.  The tone of his voice became
+as intimate as a touch, every look flung itself on its knees in
+beggary.  And, through it all, there burned a passion which in
+its violence made as though it would tear me up by the roots, and
+drag me along by the hair.
+
+I will not shirk the truth.  This cataclysmal desire drew me by
+day and by night.  It seemed desperately alluring--this making
+havoc of myself.  What a shame it seemed, how terrible, and yet
+how sweet!  Then there was my overpowering curiosity, to which
+there seemed no limit.  He of whom I knew but little, who never
+could assuredly be mine, whose youth flared so vigorously in a
+hundred points of flame--oh, the mystery of his seething
+passions, so immense, so tumultuous!
+
+I began with a feeling of worship, but that soon passed away.  I
+ceased even to respect Sandip; on the contrary, I began to look
+down upon him.  Nevertheless this flesh-and-blood lute of mine,
+fashioned with my feeling and fancy, found in him a master-
+player.  What though I shrank from his touch, and even came to
+loathe the lute itself; its music was conjured up all the same.
+
+I must confess there was something in me which ...  what shall I
+say?  ...  which makes me wish I could have died!
+
+Chandranath Babu, when he finds leisure, comes to me.  He has the
+power to lift my mind up to an eminence from where I can see in a
+moment the boundary of my life extended on all sides and so
+realize that the lines, which I took from my bounds, were merely
+imaginary.
+
+But what is the use of it all?  Do I really desire emancipation?
+Let suffering come to our house; let the best in me shrivel up
+and become black; but let this infatuation not leave me--such
+seems to be my prayer.
+
+When, before my marriage, I used to see a brother-in-law of mine,
+now dead, mad with drink--beating his wife in his frenzy, and
+then sobbing and howling in maudlin repentance, vowing never to
+touch liquor again, and yet, the very same evening, sitting down
+to drink and drink--it would fill me with disgust.  But my
+intoxication today is still more fearful.  The stuff has not to
+be procured or poured out: it springs within my veins, and I know
+not how to resist it.
+
+Must this continue to the end of my days?  Now and again I start
+and look upon myself, and think my life to be a nightmare which
+will vanish all of a sudden with all its untruth.  It has become
+so frightfully incongruous.  It has no connection with its past.
+What it is, how it could have come to this pass, I cannot
+understand.
+
+One day my sister-in-law remarked with a cutting laugh: "What a
+wonderfully hospitable Chota Rani we have!  Her guest absolutely
+will not budge.  In our time there used to be guests, too; but
+they had not such lavish looking after--we were so absurdly taken
+up with our husbands.  Poor brother Nikhil is paying the penalty
+of being born too modern.  He should have come as a guest if he
+wanted to stay on.  Now it looks as if it were time for him to
+quit ...  O you little demon, do your glances never fall, by
+chance, on his agonized face?"
+
+This sarcasm did not touch me; for I knew that these women had it
+not in them to understand the nature of the cause of my devotion.
+I was then wrapped in the protecting armour of the exaltation of
+sacrifice, through which such shafts were powerless to reach and
+shame me.
+
+VIII
+
+
+
+For some time all talk of the country's cause has been dropped.
+Our conversation nowadays has become full of modern sex-problems,
+and various other matters, with a sprinkling of poetry, both old
+Vaishnava and modern English, accompanied by a running undertone
+of melody, low down in the bass, such as I have never in my life
+heard before, which seems to me to sound the true manly note, the
+note of power.
+
+The day had come when all cover was gone.  There was no longer
+even the pretence of a reason why Sandip Babu should linger on,
+or why I should have confidential talks with him every now and
+then.  I felt thoroughly vexed with myself, with my sister-in-
+law, with the ways of the world, and I vowed I would never again
+go to the outer apartments, not if I were to die for it.
+
+For two whole days I did not stir out.  Then, for the first time,
+I discovered how far I had travelled.  My life felt utterly
+tasteless.  Whatever I touched I wanted to thrust away.  I felt
+myself waiting--from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes
+--waiting for something, somebody; my blood kept tingling with
+some expectation.
+
+I tried busying myself with extra work.  The bedroom floor was
+clean enough but I insisted on its being scrubbed over again
+under my eyes.  Things were arranged in the cabinets in one kind
+of order; I pulled them all out and rearranged them in a
+different way.  I found no time that afternoon even to do up my
+hair; I hurriedly tied it into a loose knot, and went and worried
+everybody, fussing about the store-room.  The stores seemed
+short, and pilfering must have been going on of late, but I could
+not muster up the courage to take any particular person to task--
+for might not the thought have crossed somebody's mind: "Where
+were your eyes all these days!"
+
+In short, I behaved that day as one possessed.  The next day I
+tried to do some reading.  What I read I have no idea, but after
+a spell of absentmindedness I found I had wandered away, book in
+hand, along the passage leading towards the outer apartments, and
+was standing by a window looking out upon the verandah running
+along the row of rooms on the opposite side of the quadrangle.
+One of these rooms, I felt, had crossed over to another shore,
+and the ferry had ceased to ply.  I felt like the ghost of myself
+of two days ago, doomed to remain where I was, and yet not really
+there, blankly looking out for ever.
+
+As I stood there, I saw Sandip come out of his room into the
+verandah, a newspaper in his hand.  I could see that he looked
+extraordinarily disturbed.  The courtyard, the railings, in
+front, seemed to rouse his wrath.  He flung away his newspaper
+with a gesture which seemed to want to rend the space before him.
+
+I felt I could no longer keep my vow.  I was about to move on
+towards the sitting-room, when I found my sister-in-law behind
+me.  "O Lord, this beats everything!"  she ejaculated, as she
+glided away.  I could not proceed to the outer apartments.
+
+The next morning when my maid came calling, "Rani Mother, it is
+getting late for giving out the stores," I flung the keys to her,
+saying, "Tell Harimati to see to it," and went on with some
+embroidery of English pattern on which I was engaged, seated near
+the window.
+
+Then came a servant with a letter.  "From Sandip Babu," said he.
+What unbounded boldness!  What must the messenger have thought?
+There was a tremor within my breast as I opened the envelope.
+There was no address on the letter, only the words: __An urgent
+matter--touching the Cause.  Sandip__.
+
+I flung aside the embroidery.  I was up on my feet in a moment,
+giving a touch or two to my hair by the mirror.  I kept the
+__sari__ I had on, changing only my jacket--for one of my
+jackets had its associations.
+
+I had to pass through one of the verandahs, where my sister-in-
+law used to sit in the morning slicing betel-nut.  I refused to
+feel awkward.  "Whither away, Chota Rani?"  she cried.
+
+"To the sitting-room outside."
+
+"So early!  A matinée, eh?"
+
+And, as I passed on without further reply, she hummed after me a
+flippant song.
+
+IX
+
+
+
+When I was about to enter the sitting-room, I saw Sandip immersed
+in an illustrated catalogue of British Academy pictures, with his
+back to the door.  He has a great notion of himself as an expert
+in matters of Art.
+
+One day my husband said to him: "If the artists ever want a
+teacher, they need never lack for one so long as you are there."
+It had not been my husband's habit to speak cuttingly, but
+latterly there has been a change and he never spares Sandip.
+
+"What makes you suppose that artists need no teachers?"  Sandip
+retorted.
+
+"Art is a creation," my husband replied.  "So we should humbly be
+content to receive our lessons about Art from the work of the
+artist."
+
+Sandip laughed at this modesty, saying: "You think that meekness
+is a kind of capital which increases your wealth the more you use
+it.  It is my conviction that those who lack pride only float
+about like water reeds which have no roots in the soil."
+
+My mind used to be full of contradictions when they talked thus.
+On the one hand I was eager that my husband should win in
+argument and that Sandip's pride should be shamed.  Yet, on the
+other, it was Sandip's unabashed pride which attracted me so.  It
+shone like a precious diamond, which knows no diffidence, and
+sparkles in the face of the sun itself.
+
+I entered the room.  I knew Sandip could hear my footsteps as I
+went forward, but he pretended not to, and kept his eyes on the
+book.
+
+I dreaded his Art talks, for I could not overcome my delicacy
+about the pictures he talked of, and the things he said, and had
+much ado in putting on an air of overdone insensibility to hide
+my qualms.  So, I was almost on the point of retracing my steps,
+when, with a deep sigh, Sandip raised his eyes, and affected to
+be startled at the sight of me.  "Ah, you have come!"  he said.
+
+In his words, in his tone, in his eyes, there was a world of
+suppressed reproach, as if the claims he had acquired over me
+made my absence, even for these two or three days, a grievous
+wrong.  I knew this attitude was an insult to me, but, alas, I
+had not the power to resent it.
+
+I made no reply, but though I was looking another way, I could
+not help feeling that Sandip's plaintive gaze had planted itself
+right on my face, and would take no denial.  I did so wish he
+would say something, so that I could shelter myself behind his
+words.  I cannot tell how long this went on, but at last I could
+stand it no longer.  "What is this matter," I asked, "you are
+wanting to tell me about?"
+
+Sandip again affected surprise as he said: "Must there always be
+some matter?  Is friendship by itself a crime?  Oh, Queen Bee, to
+think that you should make so light of the greatest thing on
+earth!  Is the heart's worship to be shut out like a stray cur?"
+
+There was again that tremor within me.  I could feel the crisis
+coming, too importunate to be put off.  Joy and fear struggled
+for the mastery.  Would my shoulders, I wondered, be broad enough
+to stand its shock, or would it not leave me overthrown, with my
+face in the dust?
+
+I was trembling all over.  Steadying myself with an effort I
+repeated: "You summoned me for something touching the Cause, so I
+have left my household duties to attend to it."
+
+"That is just what I was trying to explain," he said, with a dry
+laugh.  "Do you not know that I come to worship?  Have I not told
+you that, in you, I visualize the __Shakti__ of our country?
+The Geography of a country is not the whole truth.  No one can
+give up his life for a map!  When I see you before me, then only
+do I realize how lovely my country is.  When you have anointed me
+with your own hands, then shall I know I have the sanction of my
+country; and if, with that in my heart, I fall fighting, it shall
+not be on the dust of some map-made land, but on a lovingly
+spread skirt--do you know what kind of skirt?--like that of the
+earthen-red __sari__ you wore the other day, with a broad
+blood-red border.  Can I ever forget it?  Such are the visions
+which give vigour to life, and joy to death!"
+
+Sandip's eyes took fire as he went on, but whether it was the
+fire of worship, or of passion, I could not tell.  I was reminded
+of the day on which I first heard him speak, when I could not be
+sure whether he was a person, or just a living flame.
+
+I had not the power to utter a word.  You cannot take shelter
+behind the walls of decorum when in a moment the fire leaps up
+and, with the flash of its sword and the roar of its laughter,
+destroys all the miser's stores.  I was in terror lest he should
+forget himself and take me by the hand.  For he shook like a
+quivering tongue of fire; his eyes showered scorching sparks on
+me.
+
+"Are you for ever determined," he cried after a pause, "to make
+gods of your petty household duties--you who have it in you to
+send us to life or to death?  Is this power of yours to be kept
+veiled in a zenana?  Cast away all false shame, I pray you; snap
+your fingers at the whispering around.  Take your plunge today
+into the freedom of the outer world."
+
+When, in Sandip's appeals, his worship of the country gets to be
+subtly interwoven with his worship of me, then does my blood
+dance, indeed, and the barriers of my hesitation totter.  His
+talks about Art and Sex, his distinctions between Real and
+Unreal, had but clogged my attempts at response with some
+revolting nastiness.  This, however, now burst again into a glow
+before which my repugnance faded away.  I felt that my
+resplendent womanhood made me indeed a goddess.  Why should not
+its glory flash from my forehead with visible brilliance?  Why
+does not my voice find a word, some audible cry, which would be
+like a sacred spell to my country for its fire initiation?
+
+All of a sudden my maid Khema rushed into the room, dishevelled.
+"Give me my wages and let me go," she screamed.  "Never in all my
+life have I been so ..."  The rest of her speech was drowned in
+sobs.
+
+"What is the matter?"
+
+Thako, the Bara Rani's maid, it appeared, had for no rhyme or
+reason reviled her in unmeasured terms.  She was in such a state,
+it was no manner of use trying to pacify her by saying I would
+look into the matter afterwards.
+
+The slime of domestic life that lay beneath the lotus bank of
+womanhood came to the surface.  Rather than allow Sandip a
+prolonged vision of it, I had to hurry back within.
+
+
+
+X
+
+
+My sister-in-law was absorbed in her betel-nuts, the suspicion of
+a smile playing about her lips, as if nothing untoward had
+happened.  She was still humming the same song.
+
+"Why has your Thako been calling poor Khema names?"  I burst out.
+
+"Indeed?  The wretch!  I will have her broomed out of the house.
+What a shame to spoil your morning out like this!  As for Khema,
+where are the hussy's manners to go and disturb you when you are
+engaged?  Anyhow, Chota Rani, don't you worry yourself with these
+domestic squabbles.  Leave them to me, and return to your
+friend."
+
+How suddenly the wind in the sails of our mind veers round!  This
+going to meet Sandip outside seemed, in the light of the zenana
+code, such an extraordinarily out-of-the-way thing to do that I
+went off to my own room, at a loss for a reply.  I knew this was
+my sister-in-law's doing and that she had egged her maid on to
+contrive this scene.  But I had brought myself to such an
+unstable poise that I dared not have my fling.
+
+Why, it was only the other day that I found I could not keep up
+to the last the unbending hauteur with which I had demanded from
+my husband the dismissal of the man Nanku.  I felt suddenly
+abashed when the Bara Rani came up and said: "It is really all my
+fault, brother dear.  We are old-fashioned folk, and I did not
+quite like the ways of your Sandip Babu, so I only told the guard
+...  but how was I to know that our Chota Rani would take this as
+an insult?--I thought it would be the other way about!  Just my
+incorrigible silliness!"
+
+The thing which seems so glorious when viewed from the heights of
+the country's cause, looks so muddy when seen from the bottom.
+One begins by getting angry, and then feels disgusted.
+
+I shut myself into my room, sitting by the window, thinking how
+easy life would be if only one could keep in harmony with one's
+surroundings.  How simply the senior Rani sits in her verandah
+with her betel-nuts and how inaccessible to me has become my
+natural seat beside my daily duties!  Where will it all end, I
+asked myself?  Shall I ever recover, as from a delirium, and
+forget it all; or am I to be dragged to depths from which there
+can be no escape in this life?  How on earth did I manage to let
+my good fortune escape me, and spoil my life so?  Every wall of
+this bedroom of mine, which I first entered nine years ago as a
+bride, stares at me in dismay.
+
+When my husband came home, after his M.A.  examination, he
+brought for me this orchid belonging to some far-away land beyond
+the seas.  From beneath these few little leaves sprang such a
+cascade of blossoms, it looked as if they were pouring forth from
+some overturned urn of Beauty.  We decided, together, to hang it
+here, over this window.  It flowered only that once, but we have
+always been in hope of its doing so once more.  Curiously enough
+I have kept on watering it these days, from force of habit, and
+it is still green.
+
+It is now four years since I framed a photograph of my husband in
+ivory and put it in the niche over there.  If I happen to look
+that way I have to lower my eyes.  Up to last week I used
+regularly to put there the flowers of my worship, every morning
+after my bath.  My husband has often chided me over this.
+
+"It shames me to see you place me on a height to which I do not
+belong," he said one day.
+
+"What nonsense!"
+
+"I am not only ashamed, but also jealous!"
+
+"Just hear him!  Jealous of whom, pray?"
+
+"Of that false me.  It only shows that I am too petty for you,
+that you want some extraordinary man who can overpower you with
+his superiority, and so you needs must take refuge in making for
+yourself another 'me'."
+
+"This kind of talk only makes me angry," said I.
+
+"What is the use of being angry with me?"  he replied.  "Blame
+your fate which allowed you no choice, but made you take me
+blindfold.  This keeps you trying to retrieve its blunder by
+making me out a paragon."
+
+I felt so hurt at the bare idea that tears started to my eyes
+that day.  And whenever I think of that now, I cannot raise my
+eyes to the niche.
+
+For now there is another photograph in my jewel case.  The other
+day, when arranging the sitting-room, I brought away that double
+photo frame, the one in which Sandip's portrait was next to my
+husband's.  To this portrait I have no flowers of worship to
+offer, but it remains hidden away under my gems.  It has all the
+greater fascination because kept secret.  I look at it now and
+then with doors closed.  At night I turn up the lamp, and sit
+with it in my hand, gazing and gazing.  And every night I think
+of burning it in the flame of the lamp, to be done with it for
+ever; but every night I heave a sigh and smother it again in my
+pearls and diamonds.
+
+Ah, wretched woman!  What a wealth of love was twined round each
+one of those jewels!  Oh, why am I not dead?
+
+Sandip had impressed it on me that hesitation is not in the
+nature of woman.  For her, neither right nor left has any
+existence--she only moves forward.  When the women of our country
+wake up, he repeatedly insisted, their voice will be unmistakably
+confident in its utterance of the cry: "I want."
+
+"I want!"  Sandip went on one day--this was the primal word at
+the root of all creation.  It had no maxim to guide it, but it
+became fire and wrought itself into suns and stars.  Its
+partiality is terrible.  Because it had a desire for man, it
+ruthlessly sacrificed millions of beasts for millions of years to
+achieve that desire.  That terrible word "I want" has taken flesh
+in woman, and therefore men, who are cowards, try with all their
+might to keep back this primeval flood With their earthen dykes.
+They are afraid lest, laughing and dancing as it goes, it should
+wash away all the hedges and props of their pumpkin field.  Men,
+in every age, flatter themselves that they have secured this
+force within the bounds of their convenience, but it gathers and
+grows.  Now it is calm and deep like a lake, but gradually its
+pressure will increase, the dykes will give way, and the force
+which has so long been dumb will rush forward with the roar: "I
+want!"
+
+These words of Sandip echo in my heart-beats like a war-drum.
+They shame into silence all my conflicts with myself.  What do I
+care what people may think of me?  Of what value are that orchid
+and that niche in my bedroom?  What power have they to belittle
+me, to put me to shame?  The primal fire of creation burns in me.
+
+I felt a strong desire to snatch down the orchid and fling it out
+of the window, to denude the niche of its picture, to lay bare
+and naked the unashamed spirit of destruction that raged within
+me.  My arm was raised to do it, but a sudden pang passed through
+my breast, tears started to my eyes.  I threw myself down and
+sobbed: "What is the end of all this, what is the end?"
+
+
+
+Sandip's Story
+
+IV
+
+
+
+When I read these pages of the story of my life I seriously
+question myself: Is this Sandip?  Am I made of words?  Am I
+merely a book with a covering of flesh and blood?
+
+The earth is not a dead thing like the moon.  She breathes.  Her
+rivers and oceans send up vapours in which she is clothed.  She
+is covered with a mantle of her own dust which flies about the
+air.  The onlooker, gazing upon the earth from the outside, can
+see only the light reflected from this vapour and this dust.  The
+tracks of the mighty continents are not distinctly visible.
+
+The man, who is alive as this earth is, is likewise always
+enveloped in the mist of the ideas which he is breathing out.
+His real land and water remain hidden, and he appears to be made
+of only lights and shadows.
+
+It seems to me, in this story of my life, that, like a living
+plant, I am displaying the picture of an ideal world.  But I am
+not merely what I want, what I think--I am also what I do not
+love, what I do not wish to be.  My creation had begun before I
+was born.  I had no choice in regard to my surroundings and so
+must make the best of such material as comes to my hand.
+
+My theory of life makes me certain that the Great is cruel To be
+just is for ordinary men--it is reserved for the great to be
+unjust.  The surface of the earth was even.  The volcano butted
+it with its fiery horn and found its own eminence--its justice
+was not towards its obstacle, but towards itself.  Successful
+injustice and genuine cruelty have been the only forces by which
+individual or nation has become millionaire or monarch.
+
+That is why I preach the great discipline of Injustice.  I say to
+everyone: Deliverance is based upon injustice.  Injustice is the
+fire which must keep on burning something in order to save itself
+from becoming ashes.  Whenever an individual or nation becomes
+incapable of perpetrating injustice it is swept into the dust-bin
+of the world.
+
+As yet this is only my idea--it is not completely myself.  There
+are rifts in the armour through which something peeps out which
+is extremely soft and sensitive.  Because, as I say, the best
+part of myself was created before I came to this stage of
+existence.
+
+From time to time I try my followers in their lesson of cruelty.
+One day we went on a picnic.  A goat was grazing by.  I asked
+them: "Who is there among you that can cut off a leg of that
+goat, alive, with this knife, and bring it to me?"  While they
+all hesitated, I went myself and did it.  One of them fainted at
+the sight.  But when they saw me unmoved they took the dust of my
+feet, saying that I was above all human weaknesses.  That is to
+say, they saw that day the vaporous envelope which was my idea,
+but failed to perceive the inner me, which by a curious freak of
+fate has been created tender and merciful.
+
+In the present chapter of my life, which is growing in interest
+every day round Bimala and Nikhil, there is also much that
+remains hidden underneath.  This malady of ideas which afflicts
+me is shaping my life within: nevertheless a great part of my
+life remains outside its influence; and so there is set up a
+discrepancy between my outward life and its inner design which I
+try my best to keep concealed even from myself; otherwise it may
+wreck not only my plans, but my very life.
+
+Life is indefinite--a bundle of contradictions.  We men, with our
+ideas, strive to give it a particular shape by melting it into a
+particular mould--into the definiteness of success.  All the
+world-conquerors, from Alexander down to the American
+millionaires, mould themselves into a sword or a mint, and thus
+find that distinct image of themselves which is the source of
+their success.
+
+The chief controversy between Nikhil and myself arises from this:
+that though I say "know thyself", and Nikhil also says "know
+thyself", his interpretation makes this "knowing" tantamount to
+"not knowing".
+
+"Winning your kind of success," Nikhil once objected, "is success
+gained at the cost of the soul: but the soul is greater than
+success."
+
+I simply said in answer: "Your words are too vague."
+
+"That I cannot help," Nikhil replied.  "A machine is distinct
+enough, but not so life.  If to gain distinctness you try to know
+life as a machine, then such mere distinctness cannot stand for
+truth.  The soul is not as distinct as success, and so you only
+lose your soul if you seek it in your success."
+
+"Where, then, is this wonderful soul?"
+
+"Where it knows itself in the infinite and transcends its
+success."
+
+"But how does all this apply to our work for the country?"
+
+"It is the same thing.  Where our country makes itself the final
+object, it gains success at the cost of the soul.  Where it
+recognizes the Greatest as greater than all, there it may miss
+success, but gains its soul."
+
+"Is there any example of this in history?"
+
+"Man is so great that he can despise not only the success, but
+also the example.  Possibly example is lacking, just as there is
+no example of the flower in the seed.  But there is the urgence
+of the flower in the seed all the same."
+
+It is not that I do not at all understand Nikhil's point of view;
+that is rather where my danger lies.  I was born in India and the
+poison of its spirituality runs in my blood.  However loudly I
+may proclaim the madness of walking in the path of self-
+abnegation, I cannot avoid it altogether.
+
+This is exactly how such curious anomalies happen nowadays in our
+country.  We must have our religion and also our nationalism; our
+__Bhagavadgita__ and also our __Bande Mataram__.  The result is that
+both of them suffer.  It is like performing with an English military
+band, side by side with our Indian festive pipes.  I must make it
+the purpose of my life to put an end to this hideous confusion.
+
+I want the western military style to prevail, not the Indian.
+We shall then not be ashamed of the flag of our passion, which
+mother Nature has sent with us as our standard into the
+battlefield of life.  Passion is beautiful and pure--pure as the
+lily that comes out of the slimy soil.  It rises superior to its
+defilement and needs no Pears' soap to wash it clean.
+
+
+
+V
+
+
+A question has been worrying me the last few days.  Why am I
+allowing my life to become entangled with Bimala's?  Am I a
+drifting log to be caught up at any and every obstacle?
+
+Not that I have any false shame at Bimala becoming an object of
+my desire.  It is only too clear how she wants me, and so I look
+on her as quite legitimately mine.  The fruit hangs on the branch
+by the stem, but that is no reason why the claim of the stem
+should be eternal.  Ripe fruit cannot for ever swear by its
+slackening stem-hold.  All its sweetness has been accumulated for
+me; to surrender itself to my hand is the reason of its
+existence, its very nature, its true morality.  So I must pluck
+it, for it becomes me not to make it futile.
+
+But what is teasing me is that I am getting entangled.  Am I not
+born to rule?--to bestride my proper steed, the crowd, and drive
+it as I will; the reins in my hand, the destination known only to
+me, and for it the thorns, the mire, on the road?  This steed now
+awaits me at the door, pawing and champing its bit, its neighing
+filling the skies.  But where am I, and what am I about, letting
+day after day of golden opportunity slip by?
+
+I used to think I was like a storm--that the torn flowers with
+which I strewed my path would not impede my progress.  But I am
+only wandering round and round a flower like a bee--not a storm.
+So, as I was saying, the colouring of ideas which man gives
+himself is only superficial.  The inner man remains as ordinary
+as ever.  If someone, who could see right into me, were to write
+my biography, he would make me out to be no different from that
+lout of a Panchu, or even from Nikhil!
+
+Last night I was turning over the pages of my old diary ...  I
+had just graduated, and my brain was bursting with philosophy.
+Even so early I had vowed not to harbour any illusions, whether
+of my own or other's imagining, but to build my life on a solid
+basis of reality.  But what has since been its actual story?
+Where is its solidity?  It has rather been a network, where,
+though the thread be continuous, more space is taken up by the
+holes.  Fight as I may, these will not own defeat.  Just as I was
+congratulating myself on steadily following the thread, here I am
+badly caught in a hole!  For I have become susceptible to
+compunctions.
+
+"I want it; it is here; let me take it"--This is a clear-cut,
+straightforward policy.  Those who can pursue its course with
+vigour needs must win through in the end.  But the gods would not
+have it that such journey should be easy, so they have deputed
+the siren Sympathy to distract the wayfarer, to dim his vision
+with her tearful mist.
+
+I can see that poor Bimala is struggling like a snared deer.
+What a piteous alarm there is in her eyes!  How she is torn with
+straining at her bonds!  This sight, of course, should gladden
+the heart of a true hunter.  And so do I rejoice; but, then, I am
+also touched; and therefore I dally, and standing on the brink I
+am hesitating to pull the noose fast.
+
+There have been moments, I know, when I could have bounded up to
+her, clasped her hands and folded her to my breast, unresisting.
+Had I done so, she would not have said one word.  She was aware
+that some crisis was impending, which in a moment would change
+the meaning of the whole world.  Standing before that cavern of
+the incalculable but yet expected, her face went pale and her
+eyes glowed with a fearful ecstasy.  Within that moment, when it
+arrives, an eternity will take shape, which our destiny awaits,
+holding its breath.
+
+But I have let this moment slip by.  I did not, with
+uncompromising strength, press the almost certain into the
+absolutely assured.  I now see clearly that some hidden elements
+in my nature have openly ranged themselves as obstacles in my
+path.
+
+That is exactly how Ravana, whom I look upon as the real hero of
+the __Ramayana__, met with his doom.  He kept Sita in his
+Asoka garden, awaiting her pleasure, instead of taking her
+straight into his harem.  This weak spot in his otherwise grand
+character made the whole of the abduction episode futile.
+Another such touch of compunction made him disregard, and be
+lenient to, his traitorous brother Bibhisan, only to get himself
+killed for his pains.
+
+Thus does the tragic in life come by its own.  In the beginning
+it lies, a little thing, in some dark under-vault, and ends by
+overthrowing the whole superstructure.  The real tragedy is, that
+man does not know himself for what he really is.
+
+VI
+
+
+
+Then again there is Nikhil.  Crank though he be, laugh at him as
+I may, I cannot get rid of the idea that he is my friend.  At
+first I gave no thought to his point of view, but of late it has
+begun to shame and hurt me.  Therefore I have been trying to talk
+and argue with him in the same enthusiastic way as of old, but it
+does not ring true.  It is even leading me at times into such a
+length of unnaturalness as to pretend to agree with him.  But
+such hypocrisy is not in my nature, nor in that of Nikhil either.
+This, at least, is something we have in common.  That is why,
+nowadays, I would rather not come across him, and have taken to
+fighting shy of his presence.
+
+All these are signs of weakness.  No sooner is the possibility of
+a wrong admitted than it becomes actual, and clutches you by the
+throat, however you may then try to shake off all belief in it.
+What I should like to be able to tell Nikhil frankly is, that
+happenings such as these must be looked in the face--as great
+Realities--and that which is the Truth should not be allowed to
+stand between true friends.
+
+There is no denying that I have really weakened.  It was not this
+weakness which won over Bimala; she burnt her wings in the blaze
+of the full strength of my unhesitating manliness.  Whenever
+smoke obscures its lustre she also becomes confused, and draws
+back.  Then comes a thorough revulsion of feeling, and she fain
+would take back the garland she has put round my neck, but
+cannot; and so she only closes her eyes, to shut it out of sight.
+
+But all the same I must not swerve from the path I have chalked
+out.  It would never do to abandon the cause of the country,
+especially at the present time.  I shall simply make Bimala one
+with my country.  The turbulent west wind which has swept away
+the country's veil of conscience, will sweep away the veil of the
+wife from Bimala's face, and in that uncovering there will be no
+shame.  The ship will rock as it bears the crowd across the
+ocean, flying the pennant of __Bande Mataram__, and it will
+serve as the cradle to my power, as well as to my love.
+
+Bimala will see such a majestic vision of deliverance, that her
+bonds will slip from about her, without shame, without her even
+being aware of it.  Fascinated by the beauty of this terrible
+wrecking power, she will not hesitate a moment to be cruel.  I
+have seen in Bimala's nature the cruelty which is the inherent
+force of existence--the cruelty which with its unrelenting might
+keeps the world beautiful.
+
+If only women could be set free from the artificial fetters put
+round them by men, we could see on earth the living image of
+Kali, the shameless, pitiless goddess.  I am a worshipper of
+Kali, and one day I shall truly worship her, setting Bimala on
+her altar of Destruction.  For this let me get ready.
+
+The way of retreat is absolutely closed for both of us.  We shall
+despoil each other: get to hate each other: but never more be
+free.
+
+
+
+Chapter Five
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+IV
+
+
+
+EVERYTHING is rippling and waving with the flood of August.  The
+young shoots of rice have the sheen of an infant's limbs.  The
+water has invaded the garden next to our house.  The morning
+light, like the love of the blue sky, is lavished upon the earth
+...  Why cannot I sing?  The water of the distant river is
+shimmering with light; the leaves are glistening; the rice-
+fields, with their fitful shivers, break into gleams of gold; and
+in this symphony of Autumn, only I remain voiceless.  The
+sunshine of the world strikes my heart, but is not reflected
+back.
+
+When I realize the lack of expressiveness in myself, I know why I
+am deprived.  Who could bear my company day and night without a
+break?  Bimala is full of the energy of life, and so she has
+never become stale to me for a moment, in all these nine years of
+our wedded life.
+
+My life has only its dumb depths; but no murmuring rush.  I can
+only receive: not impart movement.  And therefore my company is
+like fasting.  I recognize clearly today that Bimala has been
+languishing because of a famine of companionship.
+
+Then whom shall I blame?  Like Vidyapati I can only lament:
+
+/*
+  It is August, the sky breaks into a passionate rain;
+  Alas, empty is my house.
+*/
+
+My house, I now see, was built to remain empty, because its doors
+cannot open.  But I never knew till now that its divinity had
+been sitting outside.  I had fondly believed that she had
+accepted my sacrifice, and granted in return her boon.  But,
+alas, my house has all along been empty.
+
+Every year, about this time, it was our practice to go in a
+house-boat over the broads of Samalda.  I used to tell Bimala
+that a song must come back to its refrain over and over again.
+The original refrain of every song is in Nature, where the rain-
+laden wind passes over the rippling stream, where the green
+earth, drawing its shadow-veil over its face, keeps its ear close
+to the speaking water.  There, at the beginning of time, a man
+and a woman first met--not within walls.  And therefore we two
+must come back to Nature, at least once a year, to tune our love
+anew to the first pure note of the meeting of hearts.
+
+The first two anniversaries of our married life I spent in
+Calcutta, where I went through my examinations.  But from the
+next year onwards, for seven years without a break, we have
+celebrated our union among the blossoming water-lilies.  Now
+begins the next octave of my life.
+
+It was difficult for me to ignore the fact that the same month of
+August had come round again this year.  Does Bimala remember it,
+I wonder?--she has given me no reminder.  Everything is mute
+about me.
+
+/*
+  It is August, the sky breaks into a passionate rain;
+  Alas, empty is my house.
+*/
+
+The house which becomes empty through the parting of lovers,
+still has music left in the heart of its emptiness.  But the
+house that is empty because hearts are asunder, is awful in its
+silence.  Even the cry of pain is out of place there.
+
+This cry of pain must be silenced in me.  So long as I continue
+to suffer, Bimala will never have true freedom.  I must free her
+completely, otherwise I shall never gain my freedom from untruth
+...
+
+I think I have come to the verge of understanding one thing.  Man
+has so fanned the flame of the loves of men and women, as to make
+it overpass its rightful domain, and now, even in the name of
+humanity itself, he cannot bring it back under control.  Man's
+worship has idolized his passion.  But there must be no more
+human sacrifices at its shrine ...
+
+I went into my bedroom this morning, to fetch a book.  It is long
+since I have been there in the day-time.  A pang passed through
+me as I looked round it today, in the morning light.  On the
+clothes rack was hanging a __sari__ of Bimala's, crinkled
+ready for wear.  On the dressing-table were her perfumes, her
+comb, her hair-pins, and with them, still, her vermilion box!
+Underneath were her tiny gold-embroidered slippers.
+
+Once, in the old days, when Bimala had not yet overcome her
+objections to shoes, I had got these out from Lucknow, to tempt
+her.  The first time she was ready to drop for very shame, to go
+in them even from the room to the verandah.  Since then she has
+worn out many shoes, but has treasured up this pair.  When first
+showing her the slippers, I chaffed her over a curious practice
+of hers; "I have caught you taking the dust of my feet, thinking
+me asleep!  These are the offerings of my worship to ward the
+dust off the feet of my wakeful divinity."  "You must not say
+such things," she protested, "or I will never wear your shoes!"
+
+This bedroom of mine--it has a subtle atmosphere which goes
+straight to my heart.  I was never aware, as I am today, how my
+thirsting heart has been sending out its roots to cling round
+each and every familiar object.  The severing of the main root, I
+see, is not enough to set life free.  Even these little slippers
+serve to hold one back.
+
+My wandering eyes fall on the niche.  My portrait there is
+looking the same as ever, in spite of the flowers scattered round
+it having been withered black!  Of all the things in the room
+their greeting strikes me as sincere.  They are still here simply
+because it was not felt worth while even to remove them.  Never
+mind; let me welcome truth, albeit in such sere and sorry garb,
+and look forward to the time when I shall be able to do so
+unmoved, as does my photograph.
+
+As I stood there, Bimal came in from behind.  I hastily turned my
+eyes from the niche to the shelves as I muttered: "I came to get
+Amiel's Journal."  What need had Ito volunteer an explanation?  I
+felt like a wrong-doer, a trespasser, prying into a secret not
+meant for me.  I could not look Bimal in the face, but hurried
+away.
+
+V
+
+
+
+I had just made the discovery that it was useless to keep up a
+pretence of reading in my room outside, and also that it was
+equally beyond me to busy myself attending to anything at all--so
+that all the days of my future bid fair to congeal into one solid
+mass and settle heavily on my breast for good--when Panchu, the
+tenant of a neighbouring __zamindar__, came up to me with a
+basketful of cocoa-nuts and greeted me with a profound obeisance.
+
+"Well, Panchu," said I.  "What is all this for?"
+
+I had got to know Panchu through my master.  He was extremely
+poor, nor was I in a position to do anything for him; so I
+supposed this present was intended to procure a tip to help the
+poor fellow to make both ends meet.  I took some money from my
+purse and held it out towards him, but with folded hands he
+protested: "I cannot take that, sir!"
+
+"Why, what is the matter?"
+
+"Let me make a clean breast of it, sir.  Once, when I was hard
+pressed, I stole some cocoa-nuts from the garden here.  I am
+getting old, and may die any day, so I have come to pay them
+back."
+
+Amiel's Journal could not have done me any good that day.  But
+these words of Panchu lightened my heart.  There are more things
+in life than the union or separation of man and woman.  The great
+world stretches far beyond, and one can truly measure one's joys
+and sorrows when standing in its midst.
+
+Panchu was devoted to my master.  I know well enough how he
+manages to eke out a livelihood.  He is up before dawn every day,
+and with a basket of __pan__ leaves, twists of tobacco,
+coloured cotton yarn, little combs, looking-glasses, and other
+trinkets beloved of the village women, he wades through the knee-
+deep water of the marsh and goes over to the Namasudra quarters.
+There he barters his goods for rice, which fetches him a little
+more than their price in money.  If he can get back soon enough
+he goes out again, after a hurried meal, to the sweetmeat
+seller's, where he assists in beating sugar for wafers.  As soon
+as he comes home he sits at his shell-bangle making, plodding on
+often till midnight.  All this cruel toil does not earn, for
+himself and his family, a bare two meals a day during much more
+than half the year.  His method of eating is to begin with a good
+filling draught of water, and his staple food is the cheapest
+kind of seedy banana.  And yet the family has to go with only one
+meal a day for the rest of the year.
+
+At one time I had an idea of making him a charity allowance,
+"But," said my master, "your gift may destroy the man, it cannot
+destroy the hardship of his lot.  Mother Bengal has not only this
+one Panchu.  If the milk in her breasts has run dry, that cannot
+be supplied from the outside."
+
+These are thoughts which give one pause, and I decided to devote
+myself to working it out.  That very day I said to Bimal: "Let us
+dedicate our lives to removing the root of this sorrow in our
+country."
+
+"You are my Prince Siddharta, [17] I see," she replied with a
+smile.  "But do not let the torrent of your feelings end by
+sweeping me away also!"
+
+"Siddharta took his vows alone.  I want ours to be a joint
+arrangement."
+
+The idea passed away in talk.  The fact is, Bimala is at heart
+what is called a "lady".  Though her own people are not well off,
+she was born a Rani.  She has no doubts in her mind that there is
+a lower unit of measure for the trials and troubles of the "lower
+classes".  Want is, of course, a permanent feature of their
+lives, but does not necessarily mean "want" to them.  Their very
+smallness protects them, as the banks protect the pool; by
+widening bounds only the slime is exposed.
+
+The real fact is that Bimala has only come into my home, not into
+my life.  I had magnified her so, leaving her such a large place,
+that when I lost her, my whole way of life became narrow and
+confined.  I had thrust aside all other objects into a corner to
+make room for Bimala--taken up as I was with decorating her and
+dressing her and educating her and moving round her day and
+night; forgetting how great is humanity and how nobly precious is
+man's life.  When the actualities of everyday things get the
+better of the man, then is Truth lost sight of and freedom
+missed.  So painfully important did Bimala make the mere
+actualities, that the truth remained concealed from me.  That is
+why I find no gap in my misery, and spread this minute point of
+my emptiness over all the world.  And so, for hours on this
+Autumn morning, the refrain has been humming in my ears:
+
+/*
+  It is the month of August, and the sky breaks into a passionate
+    rain;
+  Alas, my house is empty.
+*/
+
+------
+
+17. The name by which Buddha was known when a Prince, before
+renouncing the world.
+
+
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XI
+
+
+
+The change which had, in a moment, come over the mind of Bengal
+was tremendous.  It was as if the Ganges had touched the ashes of
+the sixty thousand sons of Sagar [18] which no fire could
+enkindle, no other water knead again into living clay.  The ashes
+of lifeless Bengal suddenly spoke up: "Here am I."
+
+I have read somewhere that in ancient Greece a sculptor had the
+good fortune to impart life to the image made by his own hand.
+Even in that miracle, however, there was the process of form
+preceding life.  But where was the unity in this heap of barren
+ashes?  Had they been hard like stone, we might have had hopes of
+some form emerging, even as Ahalya, though turned to stone, at
+last won back her humanity.  But these scattered ashes must have
+dropped to the dust through gaps in the Creator's fingers, to be
+blown hither and thither by the wind.  They had become heaped up,
+but were never before united.  Yet in this day which had come to
+Bengal, even this collection of looseness had taken shape, and
+proclaimed in a thundering voice, at our very door: "Here I am."
+
+How could we help thinking that it was all supernatural?  This
+moment of our history seemed to have dropped into our hand like a
+jewel from the crown of some drunken god.  It had no resemblance
+to our past; and so we were led to hope that all our wants and
+miseries would disappear by the spell of some magic charm, that
+for us there was no longer any boundary line between the possible
+and the impossible.  Everything seemed to be saying to us: "It is
+coming; it has come!"
+
+Thus we came to cherish the belief that our history needed no
+steed, but that like heaven's chariot it would move with its own
+inherent power--At least no wages would have to be paid to the
+charioteer; only his wine cup would have to be filled again and
+again.  And then in some impossible paradise the goal of our
+hopes would be reached.
+
+My husband was not altogether unmoved, but through all our
+excitement it was the strain of sadness in him which deepened and
+deepened.  He seemed to have a vision of something beyond the
+surging present.
+
+I remember one day, in the course of the arguments he continually
+had with Sandip, he said: "Good fortune comes to our gate and
+announces itself, only to prove that we have not the power to
+receive it--that we have not kept things ready to be able to
+invite it into our house."
+
+"No," was Sandip's answer.  "You talk like an atheist because you
+do not believe in our gods.  To us it has been made quite visible
+that the Goddess has come with her boon, yet you distrust the
+obvious signs of her presence."
+
+"It is because I strongly believe in my God," said my husband,
+"that I feel so certain that our preparations for his worship are
+lacking.  God has power to give the boon, but we must have power
+to accept it."
+
+This kind of talk from my husband would only annoy me.  I could
+not keep from joining in: "You think this excitement is only a
+fire of drunkenness, but does not drunkenness, up to a point,
+give strength?"
+
+"Yes," my husband replied.  "It may give strength, but not
+weapons."
+
+"But strength is the gift of God," I went on.  "Weapons can be
+supplied by mere mechanics."
+
+My husband smiled.  "The mechanics will claim their wages before
+they deliver their supplies," he said.
+
+Sandip swelled his chest as he retorted: "Don't you trouble about
+that.  Their wages shall be paid."
+
+"I shall bespeak the festive music when the payment has been
+made, not before," my husband answered.
+
+"You needn't imagine that we are depending on your bounty for the
+music," said Sandip scornfully.  "Our festival is above all money
+payments."
+
+And in his thick voice he began to sing:
+
+/*
+  "My lover of the unpriced love, spurning payments,
+  Plays upon the simple pipe, bought for nothing,
+  Drawing my heart away."
+*/
+
+Then with a smile he turned to me and said: "If I sing, Queen
+Bee, it is only to prove that when music comes into one's life,
+the lack of a good voice is no matter.  When we sing merely on
+the strength of our tunefulness, the song is belittled.  Now that
+a full flood of music has swept over our country, let Nikhil
+practise his scales, while we rouse the land with our cracked
+voices:
+
+/*
+  "My house cries to me: Why go out to lose your all?
+  My life says: All that you have, fling to the winds!
+  If we must lose our all, let us lose it: what is it worth after
+    all?
+  If I must court ruin, let me do it smilingly;
+  For my quest is the death-draught of immortality.
+*/
+
+"The truth is, Nikhil, that we have all lost our hearts.  None
+can hold us any longer within the bounds of the easily possible,
+in our forward rush to the hopelessly impossible.
+
+/*
+  "Those who would draw us back,
+  They know not the fearful joy of recklessness.
+  They know not that we have had our call
+  From the end of the crooked path.
+  All that is good and straight and trim--
+  Let it topple over in the dust."
+*/
+
+I thought that my husband was going to continue the discussion,
+but he rose silently from his seat and left us.
+
+The thing that was agitating me within was merely a variation of
+the stormy passion outside, which swept the country from one end
+to the other.  The car of the wielder of my destiny was fast
+approaching, and the sound of its wheels reverberated in my
+being.  I had a constant feeling that something extraordinary
+might happen any moment, for which, however, the responsibility
+would not be mine.  Was I not removed from the plane in which
+right and wrong, and the feelings of others, have to be
+considered?  Had I ever wanted this--had I ever been waiting or
+hoping for any such thing?  Look at my whole life and tell me
+then, if I was in any way accountable.
+
+Through all my past I had been consistent in my devotion--but
+when at length it came to receiving the boon, a different god
+appeared!  And just as the awakened country, with its __Bande
+Mataram__, thrills in salutation to the unrealized future
+before it, so do all my veins and nerves send forth shocks of
+welcome to the unthought-of, the unknown, the importunate
+Stranger.
+
+One night I left my bed and slipped out of my room on to the open
+terrace.  Beyond our garden wall are fields of ripening rice.
+Through the gaps in the village groves to the North, glimpses of
+the river are seen.  The whole scene slept in the darkness like
+the vague embryo of some future creation.
+
+In that future I saw my country, a woman like myself, standing
+expectant.  She has been drawn forth from her home corner by the
+sudden call of some Unknown.  She has had no time to pause or
+ponder, or to light herself a torch, as she rushes forward into
+the darkness ahead.  I know well how her very soul responds to
+the distant flute-strains which call her; how her breast rises
+and falls; how she feels she nears it, nay it is already hers, so
+that it matters not even if she run blindfold.  She is no mother.
+There is no call to her of children in their hunger, no home to
+be lighted of an evening, no household work to be done.  So; she
+hies to her tryst, for this is the land of the Vaishnava Poets.
+She has left home, forgotten domestic duties; she has nothing but
+an unfathomable yearning which hurries her on--by what road, to
+what goal, she recks not.
+
+I, also, am possessed of just such a yearning.  I likewise have
+lost my home and also lost my way.  Both the end and the means
+have become equally shadowy to me.  There remain only the
+yearning and the hurrying on.  Ah!  wretched wanderer through the
+night, when the dawn reddens you will see no trace of a way to
+return.  But why return?  Death will serve as well.  If the Dark
+which sounded the flute should lead to destruction, why trouble
+about the hereafter?  When I am merged in its blackness, neither
+I, nor good and bad, nor laughter, nor tears, shall be any more!
+
+------
+
+18. The condition of the curse which had reduced them to ashes
+was such that they could only be restored to life if the stream
+of the Ganges was brought down to them.  [Trans.].
+
+XII
+
+
+
+In Bengal the machinery of time being thus suddenly run at full
+pressure, things which were difficult became easy, one following
+soon after another.  Nothing could be held back any more, even in
+our corner of the country.  In the beginning our district was
+backward, for my husband was unwilling to put any compulsion on
+the villagers.  "Those who make sacrifices for their country's
+sake are indeed her servants," he would say, "but those who
+compel others to make them in her name are her enemies.  They
+would cut freedom at the root, to gain it at the top."
+
+But when Sandip came and settled here, and his followers began to
+move about the country, speaking in towns and market-places,
+waves of excitement came rolling up to us as well.  A band of
+young fellows of the locality attached themselves to him, some
+even who had been known as a disgrace to the village.  But the
+glow of their genuine enthusiasm lighted them up, within as well
+as without.  It became quite clear that when the pure breezes of
+a great joy and hope sweep through the land, all dirt and decay
+are cleansed away.  It is hard, indeed, for men to be frank and
+straight and healthy, when their country is in the throes of
+dejection.
+
+Then were all eyes turned on my husband, from whose estates alone
+foreign sugar and salt and cloths had not been banished.  Even
+the estate officers began to feel awkward and ashamed over it.
+And yet, some time ago, when my husband began to import country-
+made articles into our village, he had been secretly and openly
+twitted for his folly, by old and young alike.  When
+__Swadeshi__ had not yet become a boast, we had despised it
+with all our hearts.
+
+My husband still sharpens his Indian-made pencils with his
+Indian-made knife, does his writing with reed pens, drinks his
+water out of a bell-metal vessel, and works at night in the light
+of an old-fashioned castor-oil lamp.  But this dull, milk-and-
+water __Swadeshi__ of his never appealed to us.  Rather, we
+had always felt ashamed of the inelegant, unfashionable furniture
+of his reception-rooms, especially when he had the magistrate, or
+any other European, as his guest.
+
+My husband used to make light of my protests.  "Why allow such
+trifles to upset you?"  he would say with a smile.
+
+"They will think us barbarians, or at all events wanting in
+refinement."
+
+"If they do, I will pay them back by thinking that their
+refinement does not go deeper than their white skins."
+
+My husband had an ordinary brass pot on his writing-table which
+he used as a flower-vase.  It has often happened that, when I had
+news of some European guest, I would steal into his room and put
+in its place a crystal vase of European make.  "Look here,
+Bimala," he objected at length, "that brass pot is as unconscious
+of itself as those blossoms are; but this thing protests its
+purpose so loudly, it is only fit for artificial flowers."
+
+The Bara Rani, alone, pandered to my husband's whims.  Once she
+comes panting to say: "Oh, brother, have you heard?  Such lovely
+Indian soaps have come out!  My days of luxury are gone by;
+still, if they contain no animal fat, I should like to try some."
+
+This sort of thing makes my husband beam all over, and the house
+is deluged with Indian scents and soaps.  Soaps indeed!  They are
+more like lumps of caustic soda.  And do I not know that what my
+sister-in-law uses on herself are the European soaps of old,
+while these are made over to the maids for washing clothes?
+
+Another time it is: "Oh, brother dear, do get me some of these
+new Indian pen-holders."
+
+Her "brother" bubbles up as usual, and the Bara Rani's room
+becomes littered with all kinds of awful sticks that go by the
+name of __Swadeshi__ pen-holders.  Not that it makes any
+difference to her, for reading and writing are out of her line.
+Still, in her writing-case, lies the selfsame ivory pen-holder,
+the only one ever handled.
+
+The fact is, all this was intended as a hit at me, because I
+would not keep my husband company in his vagaries.  It was no
+good trying to show up my sister-in-law's insincerity; my
+husband's face would set so hard, if I barely touched on it.  One
+only gets into trouble, trying to save such people from being
+imposed upon!
+
+The Bara Rani loves sewing.  One day I could not help blurting
+out: "What a humbug you are, sister!  When your 'brother' is
+present, your mouth waters at the very mention of __Swadeshi__
+scissors, but it is the English-made article every time when you
+work."
+
+"What harm?"  she replied.  "Do you not see what pleasure it
+gives him?  We have grown up together in this house, since he was
+a boy.  I simply cannot bear, as you can, the sight of the smile
+leaving his face.  Poor dear, he has no amusement except this
+playing at shop-keeping.  You are his only dissipation, and you
+will yet be his ruin!"
+
+"Whatever you may say, it is not right to be double-faced," I
+retorted.
+
+My sister-in-law laughed out in my face.  "Oh, our artless little
+Chota Rani!--straight as a schoolmaster's rod, eh?  But a woman
+is not built that way.  She is soft and supple, so that she may
+bend without being crooked."
+
+I could not forget those words: "You are his dissipation, and
+will be his ruin!"  Today I feel--if a man needs must have some
+intoxicant, let it not be a woman.
+
+XIII
+
+
+
+Suksar, within our estates, is one of the biggest trade centres
+in the district.  On one side of a stretch of water there is held
+a daily bazar; on the other, a weekly market.  During the rains
+when this piece of water gets connected with the river, and boats
+can come through, great quantities of cotton yarns, and woollen
+stuffs for the coming winter, are brought in for sale.
+
+At the height of our enthusiasm, Sandip laid it down that all
+foreign articles, together with the demon of foreign influence,
+must be driven out of our territory.
+
+"Of course!"  said I, girding myself up for a fight.
+
+"I have had words with Nikhil about it," said Sandip.  "He tells
+me, he does not mind speechifying, but he will not have
+coercion."
+
+"I will see to that," I said, with a proud sense of power.  I
+knew how deep was my husband's love for me.  Had I been in my
+senses I should have allowed myself to be torn to pieces rather
+than assert my claim to that, at such a time.  But Sandip had to
+be impressed with the full strength of my __Shakti__.
+
+Sandip had brought home to me, in his irresistible way, how the
+cosmic Energy was revealed for each individual in the shape of
+some special affinity.  Vaishnava Philosophy, he said, speaks of
+the __Shakti__ of Delight that dwells in the heart of
+creation, ever attracting the heart of her Eternal Lover.  Men
+have a perpetual longing to bring out this __Shakti__ from the
+hidden depths of their own nature, and those of us who succeed in
+doing so at once clearly understand the meaning of the music
+coming to us from the Dark.  He broke out singing:
+
+/*
+  "My flute, that was busy with its song,
+  Is silent now when we stand face to face.
+  My call went seeking you from sky to sky
+    When you lay hidden;
+  But now all my cry finds its smile
+    In the face of my beloved."
+*/
+
+Listening to his allegories, I had forgotten that I was plain and
+simple Bimala.  I was __Shakti__; also an embodiment of
+Universal joy.  Nothing could fetter me, nothing was impossible
+for me; whatever I touched would gain new life.  The world around
+me was a fresh creation of mine; for behold, before my heart's
+response had touched it, there had not been this wealth of gold
+in the Autumn sky!  And this hero, this true servant of the
+country, this devotee of mine--this flaming intelligence, this
+burning energy, this shining genius--him also was I creating from
+moment to moment.  Have I not seen how my presence pours fresh
+life into him time after time?
+
+The other day Sandip begged me to receive a young lad, Amulya, an
+ardent disciple of his.  In a moment I could see a new light
+flash out from the boy's eyes, and knew that he, too, had a
+vision of __Shakti__ manifest, that my creative force had
+begun its work in his blood.  "What sorcery is this of yours!"
+exclaimed Sandip next day.  "Amulya is a boy no longer, the wick
+of his life is all ablaze.  Who can hide your fire under your
+home-roof?  Every one of them must be touched up by it, sooner or
+later, and when every lamp is alight what a grand carnival of a
+__Dewali__ we shall have in the country!"
+
+Blinded with the brilliance of my own glory I had decided to
+grant my devotee this boon.  I was overweeningly confident that
+none could baulk me of what I really wanted.  When I returned to
+my room after my talk with Sandip, I loosed my hair and tied it
+up over again.  Miss Gilby had taught me a way of brushing it up
+from the neck and piling it in a knot over my head.  This style
+was a favourite one with my husband.  "It is a pity," he once
+said, "that Providence should have chosen poor me, instead of
+poet Kalidas, for revealing all the wonders of a woman's neck.
+The poet would probably have likened it to a flower-stem; but I
+feel it to be a torch, holding aloft the black flame of your
+hair."  With which he ...  but why, oh why, do I go back to all
+that?
+
+I sent for my husband.  In the old days I could contrive a
+hundred and one excuses, good or bad, to get him to come to me.
+Now that all this had stopped for days I had lost the art of
+contriving.
+
+
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+VI
+
+
+
+Panchu's wife has just died of a lingering consumption.  Panchu
+must undergo a purification ceremony to cleanse himself of sin
+and to propitiate his community.  The community has calculated
+and informed him that it will cost one hundred and twenty-three
+rupees.
+
+"How absurd!"  I cried, highly indignant.  "Don't submit to this,
+Panchu.  What can they do to you?"
+
+Raising to me his patient eyes like those of a tired-out beast of
+burden, he said: "There is my eldest girl, sir, she will have to
+be married.  And my poor wife's last rites have to be put
+through."
+
+"Even if the sin were yours, Panchu," I mused aloud, "you have
+surely suffered enough for it already."
+
+"That is so, sir," he naïvely assented.  "I had to sell part of
+my land and mortgage the rest to meet the doctor's bills.  But
+there is no escape from the offerings I have to make the
+Brahmins."
+
+What was the use of arguing?  When will come the time, I
+wondered, for the purification of the Brahmins themselves who can
+accept such offerings?
+
+After his wife's illness and funeral, Panchu, who had been
+tottering on the brink of starvation, went altogether beyond his
+depth.  In a desperate attempt to gain consolation of some sort
+he took to sitting at the feet of a wandering ascetic, and
+succeeded in acquiring philosophy enough to forget that his
+children went hungry.  He kept himself steeped for a time in the
+idea that the world is vanity, and if of pleasure it has none,
+pain also is a delusion.  Then, at last, one night he left his
+little ones in their tumble-down hovel, and started off wandering
+on his own account.
+
+I knew nothing of this at the time, for just then a veritable
+ocean-churning by gods and demons was going on in my mind.  Nor
+did my master tell me that he had taken Panchu's deserted
+children under his own roof and was caring for them, though alone
+in the house, with his school to attend to the whole day.
+
+After a month Panchu came back, his ascetic fervour considerably
+worn off.  His eldest boy and girl nestled up to him, crying:
+"Where have you been all this time, father?"  His youngest boy
+filled his lap; his second girl leant over his back with her arms
+around his neck; and they all wept together.  "O sir!"  sobbed
+Panchu, at length, to my master.  "I have not the power to give
+these little ones enough to eat--I am not free to run away from
+them.  What has been my sin that I should be scourged so, bound
+hand and foot?"
+
+In the meantime the thread of Panchu's little trade connections
+had snapped and he found he could not resume them.  He clung on
+to the shelter of my master's roof, which had first received him
+on his return, and said not a word of going back home.  "Look
+here, Panchu," my master was at last driven to say.  "If you
+don't take care of your cottage, it will tumble down altogether.
+I will lend you some money with which you can do a bit of
+peddling and return it me little by little."
+
+Panchu was not excessively pleased--was there then no such thing
+as charity on earth?  And when my master asked him to write out a
+receipt for the money, he felt that this favour, demanding a
+return, was hardly worth having.  My master, however, did not
+care to make an outward gift which would leave an inward
+obligation.  To destroy self-respect is to destroy caste, was his
+idea.
+
+After signing the note, Panchu's obeisance to my master fell off
+considerably in its reverence--the dust-taking was left out.  It
+made my master smile; he asked nothing better than that courtesy
+should stoop less low.  "Respect given and taken truly balances
+the account between man and man," was the way he put it, "but
+veneration is overpayment."
+
+Panchu began to buy cloth at the market and peddle it about the
+village.  He did not get much of cash payment, it is true, but
+what he could realize in kind, in the way of rice, jute, and
+other field produce, went towards settlement of his account.  In
+two month's time he was able to pay back an instalment of my
+master's debt, and with it there was a corresponding reduction in
+the depth of his bow.  He must have begun to feel that he had
+been revering as a saint a mere man, who had not even risen
+superior to the lure of lucre.
+
+While Panchu was thus engaged, the full shock of the
+__Swadeshi__ flood fell on him.
+
+VII
+
+
+
+It was vacation time, and many youths of our village and its
+neighbourhood had come home from their schools and colleges.
+They attached themselves to Sandip's leadership with enthusiasm,
+and some, in their excess of zeal, gave up their studies
+altogether.  Many of the boys had been free pupils of my school
+here, and some held college scholarships from me in Calcutta.
+They came up in a body, and demanded that I should banish foreign
+goods from my Suksar market.
+
+I told them I could not do it.
+
+They were sarcastic: "Why, Maharaja, will the loss be too much
+for you?"
+
+I took no notice of the insult in their tone, and was about to
+reply that the loss would fall on the poor traders and their
+customers, not on me, when my master, who was present,
+interposed.
+
+"Yes, the loss will be his--not yours, that is clear enough," he
+said.
+
+"But for one's country .  ."
+
+"The country does not mean the soil, but the men on it,"
+interrupted my master again.  "Have you yet wasted so much as a
+glance on what was happening to them?  But now you would dictate
+what salt they shall eat, what clothes they shall wear.  Why
+should they put up with such tyranny, and why should we let
+them?"
+
+"But we have taken to Indian salt and sugar and cloth ourselves."
+
+"You may do as you please to work off your irritation, to keep up
+your fanaticism.  You are well off, you need not mind the cost.
+The poor do not want to stand in your way, but you insist on
+their submitting to your compulsion.  As it is, every moment of
+theirs is a life-and-death struggle for a bare living; you cannot
+even imagine the difference a few pice means to them--so little
+have you in common.  You have spent your whole past in a superior
+compartment, and now you come down to use them as tools for the
+wreaking of your wrath.  I call it cowardly."
+
+They were all old pupils of my master, so they did not venture to
+be disrespectful, though they were quivering with indignation.
+They turned to me.  "Will you then be the only one, Maharaja, to
+put obstacles in the way of what the country would achieve?"
+
+"Who am I, that I should dare do such a thing?  Would I not
+rather lay down my life to help it?"
+
+The M.A.  student smiled a crooked smile, as he asked: "May we
+enquire what you are actually doing to help?"
+
+"I have imported Indian mill-made yarn and kept it for sale in my
+Suksar market, and also sent bales of it to markets belonging to
+neighbouring __zamindars__."
+
+"But we have been to your market, Maharaja," the same student
+exclaimed, "and found nobody buying this yarn."
+
+"That is neither my fault nor the fault of my market.  It only
+shows the whole country has not taken your vow."
+
+"That is not all," my master went on.  "It shows that what you
+have pledged yourselves to do is only to pester others.  You want
+dealers, who have not taken your vow, to buy that yarn; weavers,
+who have not taken your vow, to make it up; then their wares
+eventually to be foisted on to consumers who, also, have not
+taken your vow.  The method?  Your clamour, and the
+__zamindars'__ oppression.  The result: all righteousness
+yours, all privations theirs!"
+
+"And may we venture to ask, further, what your share of the
+privation has been?"  pursued a science student.
+
+"You want to know, do you?"  replied my master.  "It is Nikhil
+himself who has to buy up that Indian mill yarn; he has had to
+start a weaving school to get it woven; and to judge by his past
+brilliant business exploits, by the time his cotton fabrics leave
+the loom their cost will be that of cloth-of-gold; so they will
+only find a use, perhaps, as curtains for his drawing-room, even
+though their flimsiness may fail to screen him.  When you get
+tired of your vow, you will laugh the loudest at their artistic
+effect.  And if their workmanship is ever truly appreciated at
+all, it will be by foreigners."
+
+I have known my master all my life, but have never seen him so
+agitated.  I could see that the pain had been silently
+accumulating in his heart for some time, because of his
+surpassing love for me, and that his habitual self-possession had
+become secretly undermined to the breaking point.
+
+"You are our elders," said the medical student.  "It is unseemly
+that we should bandy words with you.  But tell us, pray, finally,
+are you determined not to oust foreign articles from your
+market?"
+
+"I will not," I said, "because they are not mine."
+
+"Because that will cause you a loss!"  smiled the M.A.  student.
+
+"Because he, whose is the loss, is the best judge," retorted my
+master.
+
+With a shout of __Bande Mataram__ they left us.
+
+
+
+Chapter Six
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+VIII
+
+
+
+A FEW days later, my master brought Panchu round to me.  His
+__zamindar__, it appeared, had fined him a hundred rupees, and
+was threatening him with ejectment.
+
+"For what fault?"  I enquired.
+
+"Because," I was told, "he has been found selling foreign cloths.
+He begged and prayed Harish Kundu, his __zamindar__, to let
+him sell off his stock, bought with borrowed money, promising
+faithfully never to do it again; but the __zamindar__ would
+not hear of it, and insisted on his burning the foreign stuff
+there and then, if he wanted to be let off.  Panchu in his
+desperation blurted out defiantly: "I can't afford it!  You are
+rich; why not buy it up and burn it?"  This only made Harish
+Kundu red in the face as he shouted: "The scoundrel must be
+taught manners, give him a shoe-beating!"  So poor Panchu got
+insulted as well as fined.
+
+"What happened to the cloth?"
+
+"The whole bale was burnt."
+
+"Who else was there?"
+
+"Any number of people, who all kept shouting __Bande
+Mataram__.  Sandip was also there.  He took up some of the
+ashes, crying: 'Brothers!  This is the first funeral pyre lighted
+by your village in celebration of the last rites of foreign
+commerce.  These are sacred ashes.  Smear yourselves with them in
+token of your __Swadeshi__ vow.'"
+
+"Panchu," said I, turning to him, "you must lodge a complaint."
+
+"No one will bear me witness," he replied.
+
+"None bear witness?--Sandip!  Sandip!"
+
+Sandip came out of his room at my call.  "What is the matter?"
+he asked.
+
+"Won't you bear witness to the burning of this man's cloth?"
+
+Sandip smiled.  "Of course I shall be a witness in the case," he
+said.  "But I shall be on the opposite side."
+
+"What do you mean," I exclaimed, "by being a witness on this or
+that side?  Will you not bear witness to the truth?"
+
+"Is the thing which happens the only truth?"
+
+"What other truths can there be?"
+
+"The things that ought to happen!  The truth we must build up
+will require a great deal of untruth in the process.  Those who
+have made their way in the world have created truth, not blindly
+followed it."
+
+"And so--"
+
+"And so I will bear what you people are pleased to call false
+witness, as they have done who have created empires, built up
+social systems, founded religious organizations.  Those who would
+rule do not dread untruths; the shackles of truth are reserved
+for those who will fall under their sway.  Have you not read
+history?  Do you not know that in the immense cauldrons, where
+vast political developments are simmering, untruths are the main
+ingredients?"
+
+"Political cookery on a large scale is doubtless going on, but--"
+
+"Oh, I know!  You, of course, will never do any of the cooking.
+You prefer to be one of those down whose throats the hotchpotch
+which is being cooked will be crammed.  They will partition
+Bengal and say it is for your benefit.  They will seal the doors
+of education and call it raising the standard.  But you will
+always remain good boys, snivelling in your corners.  We bad men,
+however, must see whether we cannot erect a defensive
+fortification of untruth."
+
+"It is no use arguing about these things, Nikhil," my master
+interposed.  "How can they who do not feel the truth within them,
+realize that to bring it out from its obscurity into the light is
+man's highest aim--not to keep on heaping material outside?"
+
+Sandip laughed.  "Right, sir!"  said he.  "Quite a correct speech
+for a schoolmaster.  That is the kind of stuff I have read in
+books; but in the real world I have seen that man's chief
+business is the accumulation of outside material.  Those who are
+masters in the art, advertise the biggest lies in their business,
+enter false accounts in their political ledgers with their
+broadest-pointed pens, launch their newspapers daily laden with
+untruths, and send preachers abroad to disseminate falsehood like
+flies carrying pestilential germs.  I am a humble follower of
+these great ones.  When I was attached to the Congress party I
+never hesitated to dilute ten per cent of truth with ninety per
+cent of untruth.  And now, merely because I have ceased to belong
+to that party, I have not forgotten the basic fact that man's
+goal is not truth but success."
+
+"True success," corrected my master.
+
+"Maybe," replied Sandip, "but the fruit of true success ripens
+only by cultivating the field of untruth, after tearing up the
+soil and pounding it into dust.  Truth grows up by itself like
+weeds and thorns, and only worms can expect to get fruit from
+it!"  With this he flung out of the room.
+
+My master smiled as he looked towards me.  "Do you know, Nikhil,"
+he said, "I believe Sandip is not irreligious--his religion is of
+the obverse side of truth, like the dark moon, which is still a
+moon, for all that its light has gone over to the wrong side."
+
+"That is why," I assented, "I have always had an affection for
+him, though we have never been able to agree.  I cannot contemn
+him, even now; though he has hurt me sorely, and may yet hurt me
+more."
+
+"I have begun to realize that," said my master.  "I have long
+wondered how you could go on putting up with him.  I have, at
+times, even suspected you of weakness.  I now see that though you
+two do not rhyme, your rhythm is the same."
+
+"Fate seems bent on writing __Paradise Lost__ in blank verse,
+in my case, and so has no use for a rhyming friend!"  I remarked,
+pursuing his conceit.
+
+"But what of Panchu?"  resumed my master.
+
+"You say Harish Kundu wants to eject him from his ancestral
+holding.  Supposing I buy it up and then keep him on as my
+tenant?"
+
+"And his fine?"
+
+"How can the __zamindar__ realize that if he becomes my
+tenant?"
+
+"His burnt bale of cloth?"
+
+"I will procure him another.  I should like to see anyone
+interfering with a tenant of mine, for trading as he pleases!"
+
+"I am afraid, sir," interposed Panchu despondently, "while you
+big folk are doing the fighting, the police and the law vultures
+will merrily gather round, and the crowd will enjoy the fun, but
+when it comes to getting killed, it will be the turn of only poor
+me!"
+
+"Why, what harm can come to you?"
+
+"They will burn down my house, sir, children and all!"
+
+"Very well, I will take charge of your children," said my master.
+"You may go on with any trade you like.  They shan't touch you."
+
+That very day I bought up Panchu's holding and entered into
+formal possession.  Then the trouble began.
+
+Panchu had inherited the holding of his grandfather as his sole
+surviving heir.  Everybody knew this.  But at this juncture an
+aunt turned up from somewhere, with her boxes and bundles, her
+rosary, and a widowed niece.  She ensconced herself in Panchu's
+home and laid claim to a life interest in all he had.
+
+Panchu was dumbfounded.  "My aunt died long ago," he protested.
+
+In reply he was told that he was thinking of his uncle's first
+wife, but that the former had lost no time in taking to himself a
+second.
+
+"But my uncle died before my aunt," exclaimed Panchu, still more
+mystified.  "Where was the time for him to marry again?"
+
+This was not denied.  But Panchu was reminded that it had never
+been asserted that the second wife had come after the death of
+the first, but the former had been married by his uncle during
+the latter's lifetime.  Not relishing the idea of living with a
+co-wife she had remained in her father's house till her husband's
+death, after which she had got religion and retired to holy
+Brindaban, whence she was now coming.  These facts were well
+known to the officers of Harish Kundu, as well as to some of his
+tenants.  And if the __zamindar's__ summons should be
+peremptory enough, even some of those who had partaken of the
+marriage feast would be forthcoming!
+
+IX
+
+
+
+One afternoon, when I happened to be specially busy, word came to
+my office room that Bimala had sent for me.  I was startled.
+
+"Who did you say had sent for me?"  I asked the messenger.
+
+"The Rani Mother."
+
+"The Bara Rani?"
+
+"No, sir, the Chota Rani Mother."
+
+The Chota Rani!  It seemed a century since I had been sent for by
+her.  I kept them all waiting there, and went off into the inner
+apartments.  When I stepped into our room I had another shock of
+surprise to find Bimala there with a distinct suggestion of being
+dressed up.  The room, which from persistent neglect had latterly
+acquired an air of having grown absent-minded, had regained
+something of its old order this afternoon.  I stood there
+silently, looking enquiringly at Bimala.
+
+She flushed a little and the fingers of her right hand toyed for
+a time with the bangles on her left arm.  Then she abruptly broke
+the silence.  "Look here!  Is it right that ours should be the
+only market in all Bengal which allows foreign goods?"
+
+"What, then, would be the right thing to do?"  I asked.
+
+"Order them to be cleared out!"
+
+"But the goods are not mine."
+
+"Is not the market yours?"
+
+"It is much more theirs who use it for trade."
+
+"Let them trade in Indian goods, then."
+
+"Nothing would please me better.  But suppose they do not?"
+
+"Nonsense!  How dare they be so insolent?  Are you not ..."
+
+"I am very busy this afternoon and cannot stop to argue it out.
+But I must refuse to tyrannize."
+
+"It would not be tyranny for selfish gain, but for the sake of
+the country."
+
+"To tyrannize for the country is to tyrannize over the country.
+But that I am afraid you will never understand."  With this I
+came away.
+
+All of a sudden the world shone out for me with a fresh
+clearness.  I seemed to feel it in my blood, that the Earth had
+lost the weight of its earthiness, and its daily task of
+sustaining life no longer appeared a burden, as with a wonderful
+access of power it whirled through space telling its beads of
+days and nights.  What endless work, and withal what illimitable
+energy of freedom!  None shall check it, oh, none can ever check
+it!  From the depths of my being an uprush of joy, like a
+waterspout, sprang high to storm the skies.
+
+I repeatedly asked myself the meaning of this outburst of
+feeling.  At first there was no intelligible answer.  Then it
+became clear that the bond against which I had been fretting
+inwardly, night and day, had broken.  To my surprise I discovered
+that my mind was freed from all mistiness.  I could see
+everything relating to Bimala as if vividly pictured on a camera
+screen.  It was palpable that she had specially dressed herself
+up to coax that order out of me.  Till that moment, I had never
+viewed Bimala's adornment as a thing apart from herself.  But
+today the elaborate manner in which she had done up her hair, in
+the English fashion, made it appear a mere decoration.  That
+which before had the mystery of her personality about it, and was
+priceless to me, was now out to sell itself cheap.
+
+As I came away from that broken cage of a bedroom, out into the
+golden sunlight of the open, there was the avenue of bauhinias,
+along the gravelled path in front of my verandah, suffusing the
+sky with a rosy flush.  A group of starlings beneath the trees
+were noisily chattering away.  In the distance an empty bullock
+cart, with its nose on the ground, held up its tail aloft--one of
+its unharnessed bullocks grazing, the other resting on the grass,
+its eyes dropping for very comfort, while a crow on its back was
+pecking away at the insects on its body.
+
+I seemed to have come closer to the heartbeats of the great earth
+in all the simplicity of its daily life; its warm breath fell on
+me with the perfume of the bauhinia blossoms; and an anthem,
+inexpressibly sweet, seemed to peal forth from this world, where
+I, in my freedom, live in the freedom of all else.
+
+We, men, are knights whose quest is that freedom to which our
+ideals call us.  She who makes for us the banner under which we
+fare forth is the true Woman for us.  We must tear away the
+disguise of her who weaves our net of enchantment at home, and
+know her for what she is.  We must beware of clothing her in the
+witchery of our own longings and imaginings, and thus allow her
+to distract us from our true quest.
+
+Today I feel that I shall win through.  I have come to the
+gateway of the simple; I am now content to see things as they
+are.  I have gained freedom myself; I shall allow freedom to
+others.  In my work will be my salvation.
+
+I know that, time and again, my heart will ache, but now that I
+understand its pain in all its truth, I can disregard it.  Now
+that I know it concerns only me, what after all can be its value?
+The suffering which belongs to all mankind shall be my crown.
+
+Save me, Truth!  Never again let me hanker after the false
+paradise of Illusion.  If I must walk alone, let me at least
+tread your path.  Let the drum-beats of Truth lead me to Victory.
+
+
+
+Sandip's Story
+
+VII
+
+
+
+Bimala sent for me that day, but for a time she could not utter a
+word; her eyes kept brimming up to the verge of overflowing.  I
+could see at once that she had been unsuccessful with Nikhil.
+She had been so proudly confident that she would have her own
+way--but I had never shared her confidence.  Woman knows man well
+enough where he is weak, but she is quite unable to fathom him
+where he is strong.  The fact is that man is as much a mystery to
+woman as woman is to man.  If that were not so, the separation of
+the sexes would only have been a waste of Nature's energy.
+
+Ah pride, pride!  The trouble was, not that the necessary thing
+had failed of accomplishment, but that the entreaty, which had
+cost her such a struggle to make, should have been refused.  What
+a wealth of colour and movement, suggestion and deception, group
+themselves round this "me" and "mine" in woman.  That is just
+where her beauty lies--she is ever so much more personal than
+man.  When man was being made, the Creator was a schoolmaster--
+His bag full of commandments and principles; but when He came to
+woman, He resigned His headmastership and turned artist, with
+only His brush and paint-box.
+
+When Bimala stood silently there, flushed and tearful in her
+broken pride, like a storm-cloud, laden with rain and charged
+with lightning, lowering over the horizon, she looked so
+absolutely sweet that I had to go right up to her and take her
+by the hand.  It was trembling, but she did not snatch it away.
+
+"Bee," said I, "we two are colleagues, for our aims are one.
+Let us sit down and talk it over."
+
+I led her, unresisting, to a seat.  But strange!  at that very
+point the rush of my impetuosity suffered an unaccountable check
+--just as the current of the mighty Padma, roaring on in its
+irresistible course, all of a sudden gets turned away from the
+bank it is crumbling by some trifling obstacle beneath the
+surface.  When I pressed Bimala's hand my nerves rang music, like
+tuned-up strings; but the symphony stopped short at the first
+movement.
+
+What stood in the way?  Nothing singly; it was a tangle of a
+multitude of things--nothing definitely palpable, but only that
+unaccountable sense of obstruction.  Anyhow, this much has become
+plain to me, that I cannot swear to what I really am.  It is
+because I am such a mystery to my own mind that my attraction for
+myself is so strong!  If once the whole of myself should become
+known to me, I would then fling it all away--and reach beatitude!
+
+As she sat down, Bimala went ashy pale.  She, too, must have
+realized what a crisis had come and gone, leaving her unscathed.
+The comet had passed by, but the brush of its burning tail had
+overcome her.  To help her to recover herself I said: "Obstacles
+there will be, but let us fight them through, and not be down-
+hearted.  Is not that best, Queen?"
+
+Bimala cleared her throat with a little cough, but simply to
+murmur: "Yes."
+
+"Let us sketch out our plan of action," I continued, as I drew a
+piece of paper and a pencil from my pocket.
+
+I began to make a list of the workers who had joined us from
+Calcutta and to assign their duties to each.  Bimala interrupted
+me before I was through, saying wearily: "Leave it now; I will
+join you again this evening" and then she hurried out of the
+room.  It was evident she was not in a state to attend to
+anything.  She must be alone with herself for a while--perhaps
+lie down on her bed and have a good cry!
+
+When she left me, my intoxication began to deepen, as the cloud
+colours grow richer after the sun is down.  I felt I had let the
+moment of moments slip by.  What an awful coward I had been!  She
+must have left me in sheer disgust at my qualms--and she was
+right!
+
+While I was tingling all over with these reflections, a servant
+came in and announced Amulya, one of our boys.  I felt like
+sending him away for the time, but he stepped in before I could
+make up my mind.  Then we fell to discussing the news of the
+fights which were raging in different quarters over cloth and
+sugar and salt; and the air was soon clear of all fumes of
+intoxication.  I felt as if awakened from a dream.  I leapt to my
+feet feeling quite ready for the fray--Bande Mataram!
+
+The news was various.  Most of the traders who were tenants of
+Harish Kundu had come over to us.  Many of Nikhil's officials
+were also secretly on our side, pulling the wires in our
+interest.  The Marwari shopkeepers were offering to pay a
+penalty, if only allowed to clear their present stocks.  Only
+some Mahomedan traders were still obdurate.
+
+One of them was taking home some German-made shawls for his
+family.  These were confiscated and burnt by one of our village
+boys.  This had given rise to trouble.  We offered to buy him
+Indian woollen stuffs in their place.  But where were cheap
+Indian woollens to be had?  We could not very well indulge him in
+Cashmere shawls!  He came and complained to Nikhil, who advised
+him to go to law.  Of course Nikhil's men saw to it that the
+trial should come to nothing, even his law-agent being on our
+side!
+
+The point is, if we have to replace burnt foreign clothes with
+Indian cloth every time, and on the top of that fight through a
+law-suit, where is the money to come from?  And the beauty of it
+is that this destruction of foreign goods is increasing their
+demand and sending up the foreigner's profits--very like what
+happened to the fortunate shopkeeper whose chandeliers the nabob
+delighted in smashing, tickled by the tinkle of the breaking
+glass.
+
+The next problem is--since there is no such thing as cheap and
+gaudy Indian woollen stuff, should we be rigorous in our boycott
+of foreign flannels and memos, or make an exception in their
+favour?
+
+"Look here!"  said I at length on the first point, "we are not
+going to keep on making presents of Indian stuff to those who
+have got their foreign purchases confiscated.  The penalty is
+intended to fall on them, not on us.  If they go to law, we must
+retaliate by burning down their granaries!--What startles you,
+Amulya?  It is not the prospect of a grand illumination that
+delights me!  You must remember, this is War.  If you are afraid
+of causing suffering, go in for love-making, you will never do
+for this work!"
+
+The second problem I solved by deciding to allow no compromise
+with foreign articles, in any circumstance whatever.  In the good
+old days, when these gaily coloured foreign shawls were unknown,
+our peasantry used to manage well enough with plain cotton
+quilts--they must learn to do so again.  They may not look as
+gorgeous, but this is not the time to think of looks.
+
+Most of the boatmen had been won over to refuse to carry foreign
+goods, but the chief of them, Mirjan, was still insubordinate.
+
+"Could you not get his boat sunk?"  I asked our manager here.
+
+"Nothing easier, sir," he replied.  "But what if afterwards I am
+held responsible?"
+
+"Why be so clumsy as to leave any loophole for responsibility?
+However, if there must be any, my shoulders will be there to bear
+it."
+
+Mirjan's boat was tied near the landing-place after its freight
+had been taken over to the market-place.  There was no one on it,
+for the manager had arranged for some entertainment to which all
+had been invited.  After dusk the boat, loaded with rubbish, was
+holed and set adrift.  It sank in mid-stream.
+
+Mirjan understood the whole thing.  He came to me in tears to beg
+for mercy.  "I was wrong, sir--" he began.
+
+"What makes you realize that all of a sudden?"  I sneered.
+
+He made no direct reply.  "The boat was worth two thousand
+rupees," he said.  "I now see my mistake, and if excused this
+time I will never ..."  with which he threw himself at my feet.
+
+I asked him to come ten days later.  If only we could pay him
+that two thousand rupees at once, we could buy him up body and
+soul.  This is just the sort of man who could render us immense
+service, if won over.  We shall never be able to make any headway
+unless we can lay our hands on plenty of money.
+
+As soon as Bimala came into the sitting-room, in the evening, I
+said as I rose up to receive her: "Queen!  Everything is ready,
+success is at hand, but we must have money.
+
+"Money?  How much money?"
+
+"Not so very much, but by hook or by crook we must have it!"
+
+"But how much?"
+
+"A mere fifty thousand rupees will do for the present."
+
+Bimala blenched inwardly at the figure, but tried not to show it.
+How could she again admit defeat?
+
+"Queen!"  said I, "you only can make the impossible possible.
+Indeed you have already done so.  Oh, that I could show you the
+extent of your achievement--then you would know it.  But the time
+for that is not now.  Now we want money!"
+
+"You shall have it," she said.
+
+I could see that the thought of selling her jewels had occurred
+to her.  So I said: "Your jewels must remain in reserve.  One can
+never tell when they may be wanted."  And then, as Bimala stared
+blankly at me in silence, I went on: "This money must come from
+your husband's treasury."
+
+Bimala was still more taken aback.  After a long pause she said:
+"But how am Ito get his money?"
+
+"Is not his money yours as well?"
+
+"Ah, no!"  she said, her wounded pride hurt afresh.
+
+"If not," I cried, "neither is it his, but his country's, whom he
+has deprived of it, in her time of need!"
+
+"But how am Ito get it?"  she repeated.
+
+"Get it you shall and must.  You know best how.  You must get it
+for Her to whom it rightfully belongs.  __Bande Mataram__!
+These are the magic words which will open the door of his iron
+safe, break through the walls of his strong-room, and confound
+the hearts of those who are disloyal to its call.  Say __Bande
+Mataram__, Bee!"
+
+"__Bande Mataram__!"
+
+
+
+Chapter Seven
+
+Sandip's Story
+
+VIII
+
+
+
+WE are men, we are kings, we must have our tribute.  Ever since
+we have come upon the Earth we have been plundering her; and the
+more we claimed, the more she submitted.  From primeval days have
+we men been plucking fruits, cutting down trees, digging up the
+soil, killing beast, bird and fish.  From the bottom of the sea,
+from underneath the ground, from the very jaws of death, it has
+all been grabbing and grabbing and grabbing--no strong-box in
+Nature's store-room has been respected or left unrifled.  The one
+delight of this Earth is to fulfil the claims of those who are
+men.  She has been made fertile and beautiful and complete
+through her endless sacrifices to them.  But for this, she would
+be lost in the wilderness, not knowing herself, the doors of her
+heart shut, her diamonds and pearls never seeing the light.
+
+Likewise, by sheer force of our claims, we men have opened up all
+the latent possibilities of women.  In the process of
+surrendering themselves to us, they have ever gained their true
+greatness.  Because they had to bring all the diamonds of their
+happiness and the pearls of their sorrow into our royal treasury,
+they have found their true wealth.  So for men to accept is truly
+to give: for women to give is truly to gain.
+
+The demand I have just made from Bimala, however, is indeed a
+large one!  At first I felt scruples; for is it not the habit of
+man's mind to be in purposeless conflict with itself?  I thought
+I had imposed too hard a task.  My first impulse was to call her
+back, and tell her I would rather not make her life wretched by
+dragging her into all these troubles.  I forgot, for the moment,
+that it was the mission of man to be aggressive, to make woman's
+existence fruitful by stirring up disquiet in the depth of her
+passivity, to make the whole world blessed by churning up the
+immeasurable abyss of suffering!  This is why man's hands are so
+strong, his grip so firm.  Bimala had been longing with all her
+heart that I, Sandip, should demand of her some great sacrifice--
+should call her to her death.  How else could she be happy?  Had
+she not waited all these weary years only for an opportunity to
+weep out her heart--so satiated was she with the monotony of her
+placid happiness?  And therefore, at the very sight of me, her
+heart's horizon darkened with the rain clouds of her impending
+days of anguish.  If I pity her and save her from her sorrows,
+what then was the purpose of my being born a man?
+
+The real reason of my qualms is that my demand happens to be for
+money.  That savours of beggary, for money is man's, not woman's.
+That is why I had to make it a big figure.  A thousand or two
+would have the air of petty theft.  Fifty thousand has all the
+expanse of romantic brigandage.  Ah, but riches should really
+have been mine!  So many of my desires have had to halt, again
+and again, on the road to accomplishment simply for want of
+money.  This does not become me!  Had my fate been merely unjust,
+it could be forgiven--but its bad taste is unpardonable.  It is
+not simply a hardship that a man like me should be at his wit's
+end to pay his house rent, or should have to carefully count out
+the coins for an Intermediate Class railway ticket--it is vulgar!
+
+It is equally clear that Nikhil's paternal estates are a
+superfluity to him.  For him it would not have been at all
+unbecoming to be poor.  He would have cheerfully pulled in the
+double harness of indigent mediocrity with that precious master
+of his.  I should love to have, just for once, the chance to
+fling about fifty thousand rupees in the service of my country
+and to the satisfaction of myself.  I am a nabob born, and it is
+a great dream of mine to get rid of this disguise of poverty,
+though it be for a day only, and to see myself in my true
+character.  I have grave misgivings, however, as to Bimala ever
+getting that fifty thousand rupees within her reach, and it will
+probably be only a thousand or two which will actually come to
+hand.  Be it so.  The wise man is content with half a loaf, or
+any fraction for that matter, rather than no bread.  I must
+return to these personal reflections of mine later.  News comes
+that I am wanted at once.  Something has gone wrong ...
+
+It seems that the police have got a clue to the man who sank
+Mirjan's boat for us.  He was an old offender.  They are on his
+trail, but he should be too practised a hand to be caught
+blabbing.  However, one never knows.  Nikhil's back is up, and
+his manager may not be able to have things his own way.
+
+"If I get into trouble, sir," said the manager when I saw him, "I
+shall have to drag you in!"
+
+"Where is the noose with which you can catch me?"  I asked.
+
+"I have a letter of yours, and several of Amulya Babu's."  I
+could not see that the letter marked "urgent" to which I had been
+hurried into writing a reply was wanted urgently for this purpose
+only!  I am getting to learn quite a number of things.
+
+The point now is, that the police must be bribed and hush-money
+paid to Mirjan for his boat.  It is also becoming evident that
+much of the cost of this patriotic venture of ours will find its
+way as profit into the pockets of Nikhil's manager.  However, I
+must shut my eyes to that for the present, for is he not shouting
+__Bande Mataram__ as lustily as I am?
+
+This kind of work has always to be carried on with leaky vessels
+which let as much through as they fetch in.  We all have a hidden
+fund of moral judgement stored away within us, and so I was about
+to wax indignant with the manager, and enter in my diary a tirade
+against the unreliability of our countrymen.  But, if there be a
+god, I must acknowledge with gratitude to him that he has given
+me a clear-seeing mind, which allows nothing inside or outside it
+to remain vague.  I may delude others, but never myself.  So I
+was unable to continue angry.
+
+Whatever is true is neither good nor bad, but simply true, and
+that is Science.  A lake is only the remnant of water which has
+not been sucked into the ground.  Underneath the cult of __Bande
+Mataram__, as indeed at the bottom of all mundane affairs,
+there is a region of slime, whose absorbing power must be
+reckoned with.  The manager will take what he wants; I also have
+my own wants.  These lesser wants form a part of the wants of the
+great Cause--the horse must be fed and the wheels must be oiled
+if the best progress is to be made.
+
+The long and short of it is that money we must have, and that
+soon.  We must take whatever comes the readiest, for we cannot
+afford to wait.  I know that the immediate often swallows up the
+ultimate; that the five thousand rupees of today may nip in the
+bud the fifty thousand rupees of tomorrow.  But I must accept the
+penalty.  Have I not often twitted Nikhil that they who walk in
+the paths of restraint have never known what sacrifice is?  It is
+we greedy folk who have to sacrifice our greed at every step!
+
+Of the cardinal sins of man, Desire is for men who are men--but
+Delusion, which is only for cowards, hampers them.  Because
+delusion keeps them wrapped up in past and future, but is the
+very deuce for confounding their footsteps in the present.  Those
+who are always straining their ears for the call of the remote,
+to the neglect of the call of the imminent, are like Sakuntala
+[19] absorbed in the memories of her lover.  The guest comes
+unheeded, and the curse descends, depriving them of the very
+object of their desire.
+
+The other day I pressed Bimala's hand, and that touch still stirs
+her mind, as it vibrates in mine.  Its thrill must not be
+deadened by repetition, for then what is now music will descend
+to mere argument.  There is at present no room in her mind for
+the question "why?"  So I must not deprive Bimala, who is one of
+those creatures for whom illusion is necessary, of her full
+supply of it.
+
+As for me, I have so much else to do that I shall have to be
+content for the present with the foam of the wine cup of passion.
+O man of desire!  Curb your greed, and practise your hand on the
+harp of illusion till you can bring out all the delicate nuances
+of suggestion.  This is not the time to drain the cup to the
+dregs.
+
+------
+
+19. Sakuntala, after the king, her lover, went back to his
+kingdom, promising to send for her, was so lost in thoughts of
+him, that she failed to hear the call of her hermit guest who
+thereupon cursed her, saying that the object of her love would
+forget all about her.  [Trans.].
+
+IX
+
+
+
+Our work proceeds apace.  But though we have shouted ourselves
+hoarse, proclaiming the Mussulmans to be our brethren, we have
+come to realize that we shall never be able to bring them wholly
+round to our side.  So they must be suppressed altogether and
+made to understand that we are the masters.  They are now showing
+their teeth, but one day they shall dance like tame bears to the
+tune we play.
+
+"If the idea of a United India is a true one," objects Nikhil,
+"Mussulmans are a necessary part of it."
+
+"Quite so," said I, "but we must know their place and keep them
+there, otherwise they will constantly be giving trouble."
+
+"So you want to make trouble to prevent trouble?"
+
+"What, then, is your plan?"
+
+"There is only one well-known way of avoiding quarrels," said
+Nikhil meaningly.
+
+I know that, like tales written by good people, Nikhil's
+discourse always ends in a moral.  The strange part of it is that
+with all his familiarity with moral precepts, he still believes
+in them!  He is an incorrigible schoolboy.  His only merit is his
+sincerity.  The mischief with people like him is that they will
+not admit the finality even of death, but keep their eyes always
+fixed on a hereafter.
+
+I have long been nursing a plan which, if only I could carry it
+out, would set fire to the whole country.  True patriotism will
+never be roused in our countrymen unless they can visualize the
+motherland.  We must make a goddess of her.  My colleagues saw
+the point at once.  "Let us devise an appropriate image!"  they
+exclaimed.  "It will not do if you devise it," I admonished
+them.  "We must get one of the current images accepted as
+representing the country--the worship of the people must flow
+towards it along the deep-cut grooves of custom."
+
+But Nikhil's needs must argue even about this.  "We must not seek
+the help of illusions," he said to me some time ago, "for what we
+believe to be the true cause."
+
+"Illusions are necessary for lesser minds," I said, "and to this
+class the greater portion of the world belongs.  That is why
+divinities are set up in every country to keep up the illusions
+of the people, for men are only too well aware of their
+weakness."
+
+"No," he replied.  "God is necessary to clear away our illusions.
+The divinities which keep them alive are false gods."
+
+"What of that?  If need be, even false gods must be invoked,
+rather than let the work suffer.  Unfortunately for us, our
+illusions are alive enough, but we do not know how to make them
+serve our purpose.  Look at the Brahmins.  In spite of our
+treating them as demi-gods, and untiringly taking the dust of
+their feet, they are a force going to waste.
+
+"There will always be a large class of people, given to
+grovelling, who can never be made to do anything unless they are
+bespattered with the dust of somebody's feet, be it on their
+heads or on their backs!  What a pity if after keeping Brahmins
+saved up in our armoury for all these ages--keen and serviceable
+--they cannot be utilized to urge on this rabble in the time of
+our need."
+
+But it is impossible to drive all this into Nikhil's head.  He
+has such a prejudice in favour of truth--as though there exists
+such an objective reality!  How often have I tried to explain to
+him that where untruth truly exists, there it is indeed the
+truth.  This was understood in our country in the old days, and
+so they had the courage to declare that for those of little
+understanding untruth is the truth.  For them, who can truly
+believe their country to be a goddess, her image will do duty for
+the truth.  With our nature and our traditions we are unable to
+realize our country as she is, but we can easily bring ourselves
+to believe in her image.  Those who want to do real work must not
+ignore this fact.
+
+Nikhil only got excited.  "Because you have lost the power of
+walking in the path of truth's attainment," he cried, "you keep
+waiting for some miraculous boon to drop from the skies!  That is
+why when your service to the country has fallen centuries into
+arrears all you can think of is, to make of it an image and
+stretch out your hands in expectation of gratuitous favours."
+
+"We want to perform the impossible," I said.  "So our country
+needs must be made into a god."
+
+"You mean you have no heart for possible tasks," replied Nikhil.
+"Whatever is already there is to be left undisturbed; yet there
+must be a supernatural result:"
+
+"Look here, Nikhil," I said at length, thoroughly exasperated.
+
+"The things you have been saying are good enough as moral
+lessons.  These ideas have served their purpose, as milk for
+babes, at one stage of man's evolution, but will no longer do,
+now that man has cut his teeth.
+
+"Do we not see before our very eyes how things, of which we never
+even dreamt of sowing the seed, are sprouting up on every side?
+By what power?  That of the deity in our country who is becoming
+manifest.  It is for the genius of the age to give that deity its
+image.  Genius does not argue, it creates.  I only give form to
+what the country imagines.
+
+"I will spread it abroad that the goddess has vouchsafed me a
+dream.  I will tell the Brahmins that they have been appointed
+her priests, and that their downfall has been due to their
+dereliction of duty in not seeing to the proper performance of
+her worship.  Do you say I shall be uttering lies?  No, say I, it
+is the truth--nay more, the truth which the country has so long
+been waiting to learn from my lips.  If only I could get the
+opportunity to deliver my message, you would see the stupendous
+result."
+
+"What I am afraid of," said Nikhil, "is, that my lifetime is
+limited and the result you speak of is not the final result.  It
+will have after-effects which may not be immediately apparent."
+
+"I only seek the result," said I, "which belongs to today."
+
+"The result I seek," answered Nikhil, "belongs to all time."
+
+Nikhil may have had his share of Bengal's greatest gift--
+imagination, but he has allowed it to be overshadowed and nearly
+killed by an exotic conscientiousness.  Just look at the worship
+of Durga which Bengal has carried to such heights.  That is one
+of her greatest achievements.  I can swear that Durga is a
+political goddess and was conceived as the image of the
+__Shakti__ of patriotism in the days when Bengal was praying
+to be delivered from Mussulman domination.  What other province
+of India has succeeded in giving such wonderful visual expression
+to the ideal of its quest?
+
+Nothing betrayed Nikhil's loss of the divine gift of imagination
+more conclusively than his reply to me.  "During the Mussulman
+domination," he said, "the Maratha and the Sikh asked for fruit
+from the arms which they themselves took up.  The Bengali
+contented himself with placing weapons in the hands of his
+goddess and muttering incantations to her; and as his country did
+not really happen to be a goddess the only fruit he got was the
+lopped-off heads of the goats and buffaloes of the sacrifice.
+The day that we seek the good of the country along the path of
+righteousness, He who is greater than our country will grant us
+true fruition."
+
+The unfortunate part of it is that Nikhil's words sound so fine
+when put down on paper.  My words, however, are not meant to be
+scribbled on paper, but to be scored into the heart of the
+country.  The Pandit records his Treatise on Agriculture in
+printer's ink; but the cultivator at the point of his plough
+impresses his endeavour deep in the soil.
+
+X
+
+
+
+When I next saw Bimala I pitched my key high without further ado.
+"Have we been able," I began, "to believe with all our heart in
+the god for whose worship we have been born all these millions of
+years, until he actually made himself visible to us?
+
+"How often have I told you," I continued, "that had I not seen
+you I never would have known all my country as One.  I know not
+yet whether you rightly understand me.  The gods are invisible
+only in their heaven--on earth they show themselves to mortal
+men."
+
+Bimala looked at me in a strange kind of way as she gravely
+replied: "Indeed I understand you, Sandip."  This was the first
+time she called me plain Sandip.
+
+"Krishna," I continued, "whom Arjuna ordinarily knew only as the
+driver of his chariot, had also His universal aspect, of which,
+too, Arjuna had a vision one day, and that day he saw the Truth.
+I have seen your Universal Aspect in my country.  The Ganges and
+the Brahmaputra are the chains of gold that wind round and round
+your neck; in the woodland fringes on the distant banks of the
+dark waters of the river, I have seen your collyrium-darkened
+eyelashes; the changeful sheen of your __sari__ moves for me
+in the play of light and shade amongst the swaying shoots of
+green corn; and the blazing summer heat, which makes the whole
+sky lie gasping like a red-tongued lion in the desert, is nothing
+but your cruel radiance.
+
+"Since the goddess has vouchsafed her presence to her votary in
+such wonderful guise, it is for me to proclaim her worship
+throughout our land, and then shall the country gain new life.
+'Your image make we in temple after temple.' [20] But this our
+people have not yet fully realized.  So I would call on them in
+your name and offer for their worship an image from which none
+shall be able to withhold belief.  Oh give me this boon, this
+power."
+
+Bimala's eyelids drooped and she became rigid in her seat like a
+figure of stone.  Had I continued she would have gone off into a
+trance.  When I ceased speaking she opened wide her eyes, and
+murmured with fixed gaze, as though still dazed: "O Traveller in
+the path of Destruction!  Who is there that can stay your
+progress?  Do I not see that none shall stand in the way of your
+desires?  Kings shall lay their crowns at your feet; the wealthy
+shall hasten to throw open their treasure for your acceptance;
+those who have nothing else shall beg to be allowed to offer
+their lives.  O my king, my god!  What you have seen in me I know
+not, but I have seen the immensity of your grandeur in my heart.
+Who am I, what am I, in its presence?  Ah, the awful power of
+Devastation!  Never shall I truly live till it kills me utterly!
+I can bear it no longer, my heart is breaking!"
+
+Bimala slid down from her seat and fell at my feet, which she
+clasped, and then she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
+
+This is hypnotism indeed--the charm which can subdue the world!
+No materials, no weapons--but just the delusion of irresistible
+suggestion.  Who says "Truth shall Triumph"?  [21] Delusion
+shall win in the end.  The Bengali understood this when he
+conceived the image of the ten-handed goddess astride her lion,
+and spread her worship in the land.  Bengal must now create a new
+image to enchant and conquer the world.  __Bande Mataram__!
+
+I gently lifted Bimala back into her chair, and lest reaction
+should set in, I began again without losing time: "Queen!  The
+Divine Mother has laid on me the duty of establishing her worship
+in the land.  But, alas, I am poor!"
+
+Bimala was still flushed, her eyes clouded, her accents thick, as
+she replied: "You poor?  Is not all that each one has yours?
+What are my caskets full of jewellery for?  Drag away from me all
+my gold and gems for your worship.  I have no use for them!"
+
+Once before Bimala had offered up her ornaments.  I am not
+usually in the habit of drawing lines, but I felt I had to draw
+the line there.  [22] I know why I feel this hesitation.  It is
+for man to give ornaments to woman; to take them from her wounds
+his manliness.
+
+But I must forget myself.  Am I taking them?  They are for the
+Divine Mother, to be poured in worship at her feet.  Oh, but it
+must be a grand ceremony of worship such as the country has never
+beheld before.  It must be a landmark in our history.  It shall
+be my supreme legacy to the Nation.  Ignorant men worship gods.
+I, Sandip, shall create them.
+
+But all this is a far cry.  What about the urgent immediate?  At
+least three thousand is indispensably necessary--five thousand
+would do roundly and nicely.  But how on earth am I to mention
+money after the high flight we have just taken?  And yet time is
+precious!
+
+I crushed all hesitation under foot as I jumped up and made my
+plunge: "Queen!  Our purse is empty, our work about to stop!"
+
+Bimala winced.  I could see she was thinking of that impossible
+fifty thousand rupees.  What a load she must have been carrying
+within her bosom, struggling under it, perhaps, through sleepless
+nights!  What else had she with which to express her loving
+worship?  Debarred from offering her heart at my feet, she
+hankers to make this sum of money, so hopelessly large for her,
+the bearer of her imprisoned feelings.  The thought of what she
+must have gone through gives me a twinge of pain; for she is now
+wholly mine.  The wrench of plucking up the plant by the roots is
+over.  It is now only careful tending and nurture that is needed.
+
+"Queen!"  said I, "that fifty thousand rupees is not particularly
+wanted just now.  I calculate that, for the present, five
+thousand or even three will serve."
+
+The relief made her heart rebound.  "I shall fetch you five
+thousand," she said in tones which seemed like an outburst of
+song--the song which Radhika of the Vaishnava lyrics sang:
+
+/*
+  For my lover will I bind in my hair
+  The flower which has no equal in the three worlds!
+*/
+
+--it is the same tune, the same song: five thousand will I bring!
+That flower will I bind in my hair!
+
+The narrow restraint of the flute brings out this quality of
+song.  I must not allow the pressure of too much greed to flatten
+out the reed, for then, as I fear, music will give place to the
+questions "Why?"  "What is the use of so much?"  "How am I to get
+it?"--not a word of which will rhyme with what Radhika sang!  So,
+as I was saying, illusion alone is real--it is the flute itself;
+while truth is but its empty hollow.  Nikhil has of late got a
+taste of that pure emptiness--one can see it in his face, which
+pains even me.  But it was Nikhil's boast that he wanted the
+Truth, while mine was that I would never let go illusion from my
+grasp.  Each has been suited to his taste, so why complain?
+
+To keep Bimala's heart in the rarefied air of idealism, I cut
+short all further discussion over the five thousand rupees.  I
+reverted to the demon-destroying goddess and her worship.  When
+was the ceremony to be held and where?  There is a great annual
+fair at Ruimari, within Nikhil's estates, where hundreds of
+thousands of pilgrims assemble.  That would be a grand place to
+inaugurate the worship of our goddess!
+
+Bimala waxed intensely enthusiastic.  This was not the burning of
+foreign cloth or the people's granaries, so even Nikhil could
+have no objection--so thought she.  But I smiled inwardly.  How
+little these two persons, who have been together, day and night,
+for nine whole years, know of each other!  They know something
+perhaps of their home life, but when it comes to outside concerns
+they are entirely at sea.  They had cherished the belief that the
+harmony of the home with the outside was perfect.  Today they
+realize to their cost that it is too late to repair their neglect
+of years, and seek to harmonize them now.
+
+What does it matter?  Let those who have made the mistake learn
+their error by knocking against the world.  Why need I bother
+about their plight?  For the present I find it wearisome to keep
+Bimala soaring much longer, like a captive balloon, in regions
+ethereal.  I had better get quite through with the matter in
+hand.
+
+When Bimala rose to depart and had neared the door I remarked in
+my most casual manner: "So, about the money ..."
+
+Bimala halted and faced back as she said: "On the expiry of the
+month, when our personal allowances become due ..."
+
+"That, I am afraid, would be much too late."
+
+"When do you want it then?"
+
+"Tomorrow.
+
+"Tomorrow you shall have it."
+
+------
+
+20. A line from Bankim Chatterjee's national song __Bande
+Mataram__.
+
+21. A quotation from the Upanishads.
+
+22. There is a world of sentiment attached to the ornaments worn
+by women in Bengal.
+
+They are not merely indicative of the love and regard of the
+giver, but the wearing of them symbolizes all that is held best
+in wifehood--the constant solicitude for her husband's welfare,
+the successful performance of the material and spiritual duties
+of the household entrusted to her care.  When the husband dies,
+and the responsibility for the household changes hands, then are
+all ornaments cast aside as a sign of the widow's renunciation of
+worldly concerns.  At any other time the giving up of omaments is
+always a sign of supreme distress and as such appeals acutely to
+the sense of chivalry of any Bengali who may happen to witness it
+[Trans.].
+
+
+
+Chapter Eight
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+X
+
+
+
+PARAGRAPHS and letters against me have begun to come out in the
+local papers; cartoons and lampoons are to follow, I am told.
+Jets of wit and humour are being splashed about, and the lies
+thus scattered are convulsing the whole country.  They know that
+the monopoly of mud-throwing is theirs, and the innocent passer-
+by cannot escape unsoiled.
+
+They are saying that the residents in my estates, from the
+highest to the lowest, are in favour of __Swadeshi__, but they
+dare not declare themselves, for fear of me.  The few who have
+been brave enough to defy me have felt the full rigour of my
+persecution.  I am in secret league with the police, and in
+private communication with the magistrate, and these frantic
+efforts of mine to add a foreign title of my own earning to the
+one I have inherited, will not, it is opined, go in vain.
+
+On the other hand, the papers are full of praise for those
+devoted sons of the motherland, the Kundu and the Chakravarti
+__zamindars__.  If only, say they, the country had a few more
+of such staunch patriots, the mills of Manchester would have, had
+to sound their own dirge to the tune of __Bande Mataram__.
+
+Then comes a letter in blood-red ink, giving a list of the
+traitorous __zamindars__ whose treasuries have been burnt down
+because of their failing to support the Cause.  Holy Fire, it
+goes on to say, has been aroused to its sacred function of
+purifying the country; and other agencies are also at work to see
+that those who are not true sons of the motherland do cease to
+encumber her lap.  The signature is an obvious __nom-de-
+plume__.
+
+I could see that this was the doing of our local students.  So I
+sent for some of them and showed them the letter.
+
+The B.A.  student gravely informed me that they also had heard
+that a band of desperate patriots had been formed who would stick
+at nothing in order to clear away all obstacles to the success of
+__Swadeshi__.
+
+"If," said I, "even one of our countrymen succumbs to these
+overbearing desperadoes, that will indeed be a defeat for the
+country!"
+
+"We fail to follow you, Maharaja," said the history student.
+"'Our country," I tried to explain, "has been brought to death's
+door through sheer fear--from fear of the gods down to fear of
+the police; and if you set up, in the name of freedom, the fear
+of some other bogey, whatever it may be called; if you would
+raise your victorious standard on the cowardice of the country by
+means of downright oppression, then no true lover of the country
+can bow to your decision."
+
+"Is there any country, sir," pursued the history student, "where
+submission to Government is not due to fear?"
+
+"The freedom that exists in any country," I replied, "may be
+measured by the extent of this reign of fear.  Where its threat
+is confined to those who would hurt or plunder, there the
+Government may claim to have freed man from the violence of man.
+But if fear is to regulate how people are to dress, where they
+shall trade, or what they must eat, then is man's freedom of will
+utterly ignored, and manhood destroyed at the root."
+
+"Is not such coercion of the individual will seen in other
+countries too?"  continued the history student.
+
+"Who denies it?"  I exclaimed.  "But in every country man has
+destroyed himself to the extent that he has permitted slavery to
+flourish."
+
+"Does it not rather show," interposed a Master of Arts, "that
+trading in slavery is inherent in man--a fundamental fact of his
+nature?"
+
+"Sandip Babu made the whole thing clear," said a graduate.  "He
+gave us the example of Harish Kundu, your neighbouring
+__zamindar__.  From his estates you cannot ferret out a single
+ounce of foreign salt.  Why?  Because he has always ruled with an
+iron hand.  In the case of those who are slaves by nature, the
+lack of a strong master is the greatest of all calamities."
+
+"Why, sir!"  chimed in an undergraduate, "have you not heard of
+the obstreperous tenant of Chakravarti, the other __zamindar__
+close by--how the law was set on him till he was reduced to utter
+destitution?  When at last he was left with nothing to eat, he
+started out to sell his wife's silver ornaments, but no one dared
+buy them.  Then Chakravarti's manager offered him five rupees for
+the lot.  They were worth over thirty, but he had to accept or
+starve.  After taking over the bundle from him the manager coolly
+said that those five rupees would be credited towards his rent!
+We felt like having nothing more to do with Chakravarti or his
+manager after that, but Sandip Babu told us that if we threw over
+all the live people, we should have only dead bodies from the
+burning-grounds to carry on the work with!  These live men, he
+pointed out, know what they want and how to get it--they are born
+rulers.  Those who do not know how to desire for themselves, must
+live in accordance with, or die by virtue of, the desires of such
+as these.  Sandip Babu contrasted them--Kundu and Chakravarti--
+with you, Maharaja.  You, he said, for all your good intentions,
+will never succeed in planting __Swadeshi__ within your
+territory."
+
+"It is my desire," I said, "to plant something greater than
+__Swadeshi__.  I am not after dead logs but living trees--and
+these will take time to grow."
+
+"I am afraid, sir," sneered the history student, "that you will
+get neither log nor tree.  Sandip Babu rightly teaches that in
+order to get, you must snatch.  This is taking all of us some
+time to learn, because it runs counter to what we were taught at
+school.  I have seen with my own eyes that when a rent-collector
+of Harish Kundu's found one of the tenants with nothing which
+could be sold up to pay his rent, he was made to sell his young
+wife!  Buyers were not wanting, and the __zamindar's__ demand
+was satisfied.  I tell you, sir, the sight of that man's distress
+prevented my getting sleep for nights together!  But, feel it as
+I did, this much I realized, that the man who knows how to get
+the money he is out for, even by selling up his debtor's wife, is
+a better man than I am.  I confess it is beyond me--I am a
+weakling, my eyes fill with tears.  If anybody can save our
+country it is these Kundus and these Chakravartis and their
+officials!"
+
+I was shocked beyond words.  "If what you say be true," I cried,
+"I clearly see that it must be the one endeavour of my life to
+save the country from these same Kundus and Chakravartis and
+officials.  The slavery that has entered into our very bones is
+breaking out, at this opportunity, as ghastly tyranny.  You have
+been so used to submit to domination through fear, you have come
+to believe that to make others submit is a kind of religion.  My
+fight shall be against this weakness, this atrocious cruelty!"
+These things, which are so simple to ordinary folk, get so
+twisted in the minds of our B.A.'s and M.A.'s, the only purpose
+of whose historical quibbles seems to be to torture the truth!
+
+XI
+
+
+
+I am worried over Panchu's sham aunt.  It will be difficult to
+disprove her, for though witnesses of a real event may be few or
+even wanting, innumerable proofs of a thing that has not happened
+can always be marshalled.  The object of this move is, evidently,
+to get the sale of Panchu's holding to me set aside.  Being
+unable to find any other way out of it, I was thinking of
+allowing Panchu to hold a permanent tenure in my estates and
+building him a cottage on it.  But my master would not have it.
+I should not give in to these nefarious tactics so easily, he
+objected, and offered to attend to the matter himself.
+
+"You, sir!"  I cried, considerably surprised.
+
+"Yes, I," he repeated.
+
+I could not see, at all clearly, what my master could do to
+counteract these legal machinations.  That evening, at the time
+he usually came to me, he did not turn up.  On my making
+inquiries, his servant said he had left home with a few things
+packed in a small trunk, and some bedding, saying he would be
+back in a few days.  I thought he might have sallied forth to
+hunt for witnesses in Panchu's uncle's village.  In that case,
+however, I was sure that his would be a hopeless quest ...
+
+During the day I forget myself in my work.  As the late autumn
+afternoon wears on, the colours of the sky become turbid, and so
+do the feelings of my mind.  There are many in this world whose
+minds dwell in brick-built houses--they can afford to ignore the
+thing called the outside.  But my mind lives under the trees in
+the open, directly receives upon itself the messages borne by the
+free winds, and responds from the bottom of its heart to all the
+musical cadences of light and darkness.
+
+While the day is bright and the world in the pursuit of its
+numberless tasks crowds around, then it seems as if my life wants
+nothing else.  But when the colours of the sky fade away and the
+blinds are drawn down over the windows of heaven, then my heart
+tells me that evening falls just for the purpose of shutting out
+the world, to mark the time when the darkness must be filled with
+the One.  This is the end to which earth, sky, and waters
+conspire, and I cannot harden myself against accepting its
+meaning.  So when the gloaming deepens over the world, like the
+gaze of the dark eyes of the beloved, then my whole being tells
+me that work alone cannot be the truth of life, that work is not
+the be-all and the end-all of man, for man is not simply a serf--
+even though the serfdom be of the True and the Good.
+
+Alas, Nikhil, have you for ever parted company with that self of
+yours who used to be set free under the starlight, to plunge into
+the infinite depths of the night's darkness after the day's work
+was done?  How terribly alone is he, who misses companionship in
+the midst of the multitudinousness of life.
+
+The other day, when the afternoon had reached the meeting-point
+of day and night, I had no work, nor the mind for work, nor was
+my master there to keep me company.  With my empty, drifting
+heart longing to anchor on to something, I traced my steps
+towards the inner gardens.  I was very fond of chrysanthemums and
+had rows of them, of all varieties, banked up in pots against one
+of the garden walls.  When they were in flower, it looked like a
+wave of green breaking into iridescent foam.  It was some time
+since I had been to this part of the grounds, and I was beguiled
+into a cheerful expectancy at the thought of meeting my
+chrysanthemums after our long separation.
+
+As I went in, the full moon had just peeped over the wall, her
+slanting rays leaving its foot in deep shadow.  It seemed as if
+she had come a-tiptoe from behind, and clasped the darkness over
+the eyes, smiling mischievously.  When I came near the bank of
+chrysanthemums, I saw a figure stretched on the grass in front.
+My heart gave a sudden thud.  The figure also sat up with a start
+at my footsteps.
+
+What was to be done next?  I was wondering whether it would do to
+beat a precipitate retreat.  Bimala, also, was doubtless casting
+about for some way of escape.  But it was as awkward to go as to
+stay!  Before I could make up my mind, Bimala rose, pulled the
+end of her __sari__ over her head, and walked off towards the
+inner apartments.
+
+This brief pause had been enough to make real to me the cruel
+load of Bimala's misery.  The plaint of my own life vanished from
+me in a moment.  I called out: "Bimala!"
+
+She started and stayed her steps, but did not turn back.  I went
+round and stood before her.  Her face was in the shade, the
+moonlight fell on mine.  Her eyes were downcast, her hands
+clenched.
+
+"Bimala," said I, "why should I seek to keep you fast in this
+closed cage of mine?  Do I not know that thus you cannot but pine
+and droop?"
+
+She stood still, without raising her eyes or uttering a word.
+
+"I know," I continued, "that if I insist on keeping you shackled
+my whole life will be reduced to nothing but an iron chain.  What
+pleasure can that be to me?"
+
+She was still silent.
+
+"So," I concluded, "I tell you, truly, Bimala, you are free.
+Whatever I may or may not have been to you, I refuse to be your
+fetters."  With which I came away towards the outer apartments.
+
+No, no, it was not a generous impulse, nor indifference.  I had
+simply come to understand that never would I be free until I
+could set free.  To try to keep Bimala as a garland round my
+neck, would have meant keeping a weight hanging over my heart.
+Have I not been praying with all my strength, that if happiness
+may not be mine, let it go; if grief needs must be my lot, let it
+come; but let me not be kept in bondage.  To clutch hold of that
+which is untrue as though it were true, is only to throttle
+oneself.  May I be saved from such self-destruction.
+
+When I entered my room, I found my master waiting there.  My
+agitated feelings were still heaving within me.  "Freedom, sir,"
+I began unceremoniously, without greeting or inquiry, "freedom is
+the biggest thing for man.  Nothing can be compared to it--
+nothing at all!"
+
+Surprised at my outburst, my master looked up at me in silence.
+
+"One can understand nothing from books," I went on.  "We read in
+the scriptures that our desires are bonds, fettering us as well
+as others.  But such words, by themselves, are so empty.  It is
+only when we get to the point of letting the bird out of its cage
+that we can realize how free the bird has set us.  Whatever we
+cage, shackles us with desire whose bonds are stronger than those
+of iron chains.  I tell you, sir, this is just what the world has
+failed to understand.  They all seek to reform something outside
+themselves.  But reform is wanted only in one's own desires,
+nowhere else, nowhere else!"
+
+"We think," he said, "that we are our own masters when we get in
+our hands the object of our desire--but we are really our own
+masters only when we are able to cast out our desires from our
+minds."
+
+"When we put all this into words, sir," I went on, "it sounds
+like some bald-headed injunction, but when we realize even a
+little of it we find it to be __amrita__--which the gods have
+drunk and become immortal.  We cannot see Beauty till we let go
+our hold of it.  It was Buddha who conquered the world, not
+Alexander--this is untrue when stated in dry prose--oh when shall
+we be able to sing it?  When shall all these most intimate truths
+of the universe overflow the pages of printed books and leap out
+in a sacred stream like the Ganges from the Gangotrie?"
+
+I was suddenly reminded of my master's absence during the last
+few days and of my ignorance as to its reason.  I felt somewhat
+foolish as I asked him: "And where have you been all this while,
+sir?"
+
+"Staying with Panchu," he replied.
+
+"Indeed!"  I exclaimed.  "Have you been there all these days?"
+
+"Yes.  I wanted to come to an understanding with the woman who
+calls herself his aunt.  She could hardly be induced to believe
+that there could be such an odd character among the gentlefolk as
+the one who sought their hospitality.  When she found I really
+meant to stay on, she began to feel rather ashamed of herself.
+'Mother,' said I, 'you are not going to get rid of me, even if
+you abuse me!  And so long as I stay, Panchu stays also.  For you
+see, do you not, that I cannot stand by and see his motherless
+little ones sent out into the streets?'
+
+"She listened to my talks in this strain for a couple of days
+without saying yes or no.  This morning I found her tying up her
+bundles.  'We are going back to Brindaban,' she said.  'Let us
+have our expenses for the journey.' I knew she was not going to
+Brindaban, and also that the cost of her journey would be
+substantial.  So I have come to you."
+
+"The required cost shall be paid," I said.
+
+"The old woman is not a bad sort," my master went on musingly.
+"Panchu was not sure of her caste, and would not let her touch
+the water-jar, or anything at all of his.  So they were
+continually bickering.  When she found I had no objection to her
+touch, she looked after me devotedly.  She is a splendid cook!
+
+"But all remnants of Panchu's respect for me vanished!  To the
+last he had thought that I was at least a simple sort of person.
+But here was I, risking my caste without a qualm to win over the
+old woman for my purpose.  Had I tried to steal a march on her by
+tutoring a witness for the trial, that would have been a
+different matter.  Tactics must be met by tactics.  But stratagem
+at the expense of orthodoxy is more than he can tolerate!
+
+"Anyhow, I must stay on a few days at Panchu's even after the
+woman leaves, for Harish Kundu may be up to any kind of devilry.
+He has been telling his satellites that he was content to have
+furnished Panchu with an aunt, but I have gone the length of
+supplying him with a father.  He would like to see, now, how many
+fathers of his can save him!"
+
+"We may or may not be able to save him," I said; "but if we
+should perish in the attempt to save the country from the
+thousand-and-one snares--of religion, custom and selfishness--
+which these people are busy spreading, we shall at least die
+happy."
+
+
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XIV
+
+
+
+Who could have thought that so much would happen in this one
+life?  I feel as if I have passed through a whole series of
+births, time has been flying so fast, I did not feel it move at
+all, till the shock came the other day.
+
+I knew there would be words between us when I made up my mind to
+ask my husband to banish foreign goods from our market.  But it
+was my firm belief that I had no need to meet argument by
+argument, for there was magic in the very air about me.  Had not
+so tremendous a man as Sandip fallen helplessly at my feet, like
+a wave of the mighty sea breaking on the shore?  Had I called
+him?  No, it was the summons of that magic spell of mine.  And
+Amulya, poor dear boy, when he first came to me--how the current
+of his life flushed with colour, like the river at dawn!  Truly
+have I realized how a goddess feels when she looks upon the
+radiant face of her devotee.
+
+With the confidence begotten of these proofs of my power, I was
+ready to meet my husband like a lightning-charged cloud.  But
+what was it that happened?  Never in all these nine years have I
+seen such a far-away, distraught look in his eyes--like the
+desert sky--with no merciful moisture of its own, no colour
+reflected, even, from what it looked upon.  I should have been so
+relieved if his anger had flashed out!  But I could find nothing
+in him which I could touch.  I felt as unreal as a dream--a dream
+which would leave only the blackness of night when it was over.
+
+In the old days I used to be jealous of my sister-in-law for her
+beauty.  Then I used to feel that Providence had given me no
+power of my own, that my whole strength lay in the love which my
+husband had bestowed on me.  Now that I had drained to the dregs
+the cup of power and could not do without its intoxication, I
+suddenly found it dashed to pieces at my feet, leaving me nothing
+to live for.
+
+How feverishly I had sat to do my hair that day.  Oh, shame,
+shame on me, the utter shame of it!  My sister-in-law, when
+passing by, had exclaimed: "Aha, Chota Rani!  Your hair seems
+ready to jump off.  Don't let it carry your head with it."
+
+And then, the other day in the garden, how easy my husband found
+it to tell me that he set me free!  But can freedom--empty
+freedom--be given and taken so easily as all that?  It is like
+setting a fish free in the sky--for how can I move or live
+outside the atmosphere of loving care which has always sustained
+me?
+
+When I came to my room today, I saw only furniture--only the
+bedstead, only the looking-glass, only the clothes-rack--not the
+all-pervading heart which used to be there, over all.  Instead of
+it there was freedom, only freedom, mere emptiness!  A dried-up
+watercourse with all its rocks and pebbles laid bare.  No
+feeling, only furniture!
+
+When I had arrived at a state of utter bewilderment, wondering
+whether anything true was left in my life, and whereabouts it
+could be, I happened to meet Sandip again.  Then life struck
+against life, and the sparks flew in the same old way.  Here was
+truth--impetuous truth--which rushed in and overflowed all
+bounds, truth which was a thousand times truer than the Bara Rani
+with her maid, Thako and her silly songs, and all the rest of
+them who talked and laughed and wandered about ...
+
+"Fifty thousand!"  Sandip had demanded.
+
+"What is fifty thousand?"  cried my intoxicated heart.  "You
+shall have it!"
+
+How to get it, where to get it, were minor points not worth
+troubling over.  Look at me.  Had I not risen, all in one moment,
+from my nothingness to a height above everything?  So shall all
+things come at my beck and call.  I shall get it, get it, get it
+--there cannot be any doubt.
+
+Thus had I come away from Sandip the other day.  Then as I looked
+about me, where was it--the tree of plenty?  Oh, why does this
+outer world insult the heart so?
+
+And yet get it I must; how, I do not care; for sin there cannot
+be.  Sin taints only the weak; I with my __Shakti__ am beyond
+its reach.  Only a commoner can be a thief, the king conquers and
+takes his rightful spoil ...  I must find out where the treasury
+is; who takes the money in; who guards it.
+
+I spent half the night standing in the outer verandah peering at
+the row of office buildings.  But how to get that fifty thousand
+rupees out of the clutches of those iron bars?  If by some
+__mantram__ I could have made all those guards fall dead in
+their places, I would not have hesitated--so pitiless did I feel!
+
+But while a whole gang of robbers seemed dancing a war-dance
+within the whirling brain of its Rani, the great house of the
+Rajas slept in peace.  The gong of the watch sounded hour after
+hour, and the sky overhead placidly looked on.
+
+At last I sent for Amulya.
+
+"Money is wanted for the Cause," I told him.  "Can you not get it
+out of the treasury?"
+
+"Why not?"  said he, with his chest thrown out.
+
+Alas!  had I not said "Why not?"  to Sandip just in the same way?
+The poor lad's confidence could rouse no hopes in my mind.
+
+"How will you do it?"  I asked.
+
+The wild plans he began to unfold would hardly bear repetition
+outside the pages of a penny dreadful.
+
+"No, Amulya," I said severely, "you must not be childish."
+
+"Very well, then," he said, "let me bribe those watchmen."
+
+"Where is the money to come from?"
+
+"I can loot the bazar," he burst out, without blenching.
+
+"Leave all that alone.  I have my ornaments, they will serve.
+
+"But," said Amulya, "it strikes me that the cashier cannot be
+bribed.  Never mind, there is another and simpler way."
+
+"What is that?"
+
+"Why need you hear it?  It is quite simple."
+
+"Still, I should like to know."
+
+Amulya fumbled in the pocket of his tunic and pulled out, first a
+small edition of the __Gita__, which he placed on the table--
+and then a little pistol, which he showed me, but said nothing
+further.
+
+Horror!  It did not take him a moment to make up his mind to kill
+our good old cashier!  [23] To look at his frank, open face one
+would not have thought him capable of hurting a fly, but how
+different were the words which came from his mouth.  It was clear
+that the cashier's place in the world meant nothing real to him;
+it was a mere vacancy, lifeless, feelingless, with only stock
+phrases from the __Gita--Who kills the body kills naught! __
+
+"Whatever do you mean, Amulya?"  I exclaimed at length.  "Don't
+you know that the dear old man has got a wife and children and
+that he is ..."
+
+"Where are we to find men who have no wives and children?"  he
+interrupted.  "Look here, Maharani, the thing we call pity is, at
+bottom, only pity for ourselves.  We cannot bear to wound our own
+tender instincts, and so we do not strike at all--pity indeed!
+The height of cowardice!"
+
+To hear Sandip's phrases in the mouth of this mere boy staggered
+me.  So delightfully, lovably immature was he--of that age when
+the good may still be believed in as good, of that age when one
+really lives and grows.  The Mother in me awoke.
+
+For myself there was no longer good or bad--only death, beautiful
+alluring death.  But to hear this stripling calmly talk of
+murdering an inoffensive old man as the right thing to do, made
+me shudder all over.  The more clearly I saw that there was no
+sin in his heart, the more horrible appeared to me the sin of his
+words.  I seemed to see the sin of the parents visited on the
+innocent child.
+
+The sight of his great big eyes shining with faith and enthusiasm
+touched me to the quick.  He was going, in his fascination,
+straight to the jaws of the python, from which, once in, there
+was no return.  How was he to be saved?  Why does not my country
+become, for once, a real Mother--clasp him to her bosom and cry
+out: "Oh, my child, my child, what profits it that you should
+save me, if so it be that I should fail to save you?"
+
+I know, I know, that all Power on earth waxes great under compact
+with Satan.  But the Mother is there, alone though she be, to
+contemn and stand against this devil's progress.  The Mother
+cares not for mere success, however great--she wants to give
+life, to save life.  My very soul, today, stretches out its hands
+in yearning to save this child.
+
+A while ago I suggested robbery to him.  Whatever I may now say
+against it will be put down to a woman's weakness.  They only
+love our weakness when it drags the world in its toils!
+
+"You need do nothing at all, Amulya, I will see to the money," I
+told him finally.  When he had almost reached the door, I called
+him back.
+
+"Amulya," said I, "I am your elder sister.  Today is not the
+Brothers' Day [24] according to the calendar, but all the days in
+the year are really Brothers' Days.  My blessing be with you: may
+God keep you always."
+
+These unexpected words from my lips took Amulya by surprise.  He
+stood stock-still for a time.  Then, coming to himself, he
+prostrated himself at my feet in acceptance of the relationship
+and did me reverence.  When he rose his eyes were full of tears
+...  O little brother mine!  I am fast going to my death--let me
+take all your sin away with me.  May no taint from me ever
+tarnish your innocence!
+
+I said to him: "Let your offering of reverence be that pistol!"
+
+"What do you want with it, sister?"
+
+"I will practise death."
+
+"Right, sister.  Our women, also, must know how to die, to deal
+death!"  with which Amulya handed me the pistol.  The radiance of
+his youthful countenance seemed to tinge my life with the touch
+of a new dawn.  I put away the pistol within my clothes.  May
+this reverence-offering be the last resource in my extremity ...
+
+The door to the mother's chamber in my woman's heart once opened,
+I thought it would always remain open.  But this pathway to the
+supreme good was closed when the mistress took the place of the
+mother and locked it again.  The very next day I saw Sandip; and
+madness, naked and rampant, danced upon my heart.
+
+What was this?  Was this, then, my truer self?  Never!  I had
+never before known this shameless, this cruel one within me.  The
+snake-charmer had come, pretending to draw this snake from within
+the fold of my garment--but it was never there, it was his all
+the time.  Some demon has gained possession of me, and what I am
+doing today is the play of his activity--it has nothing to do
+with me.
+
+This demon, in the guise of a god, had come with his ruddy torch
+to call me that day, saying: "I am your Country.  I am your
+Sandip.  I am more to you than anything else of yours.  __Bande
+Mataram__!"  And with folded hands I had responded: "You are my
+religion.  You are my heaven.  Whatever else is mine shall be
+swept away before my love for you.  __Bande Mataram__!"
+
+Five thousand is it?  Five thousand it shall be!  You want it
+tomorrow?  Tomorrow you shall have it!  In this desperate orgy,
+that gift of five thousand shall be as the foam of wine--and then
+for the riotous revel!  The immovable world shall sway under our
+feet, fire shall flash from our eyes, a storm shall roar in our
+ears, what is or is not in front shall become equally dim.  And
+then with tottering footsteps we shall plunge to our death--in a
+moment all fire will be extinguished, the ashes will be
+scattered, and nothing will remain behind.
+
+------
+
+23. The cashier is the official who is most in touch with the
+ladies of a __zamindar's__ household, directly taking their
+requisitions for household stores and doing their shopping for
+them, and so he becomes more a member of the family than the
+others.  [Trans.].
+
+24. The daughter of the house occupies a place of specially
+tender affection in a Bengali household (perhaps in Hindu
+households all over India) because, by dictate of custom, she
+must be given away in marriage so early.  She thus takes
+corresponding memories with her to her husband's home, where she
+has to begin as a stranger before she can get into her place.
+The resulting feeling, of the mistress of her new home for the
+one she has left, has taken ceremonial form as the Brothers' Day,
+on which the brothers are invited to the married sisters' houses.
+Where the sister is the elder, she offers her blessing and
+receives the brother's reverence, and vice versa.  Presents,
+called the offerings of reverence (or blessing), are exchanged.
+[Trans.].
+
+
+
+Chapter Nine
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XV
+
+
+
+FOR a time I was utterly at a loss to think of any way of getting
+that money.  Then, the other day, in the light of intense
+excitement, suddenly the whole picture stood out clear before me.
+
+Every year my husband makes a reverence-offering of six thousand
+rupees to my sister-in-law at the time of the Durga Puja.  Every
+year it is deposited in her account at the bank in Calcutta.
+This year the offering was made as usual, but it has not yet been
+sent to the bank, being kept meanwhile in an iron safe, in a
+corner of the little dressing-room attached to our bedroom.
+
+Every year my husband takes the money to the bank himself.  This
+year he has not yet had an opportunity of going to town.  How
+could I fail to see the hand of Providence in this?  The money
+has been held up because the country wants it--who could have the
+power to take it away from her to the bank?  And how can I have
+the power to refuse to take the money?  The goddess revelling in
+destruction holds out her blood-cup crying: "Give me drink.  I am
+thirsty."  I will give her my own heart's blood with that five
+thousand rupees.  Mother, the loser of that money will scarcely
+feel the loss, but me you will utterly ruin!
+
+Many a time, in the old days, have I inwardly called the Senior
+Rani a thief, for I charged her with wheedling money out of my
+trusting husband.  After her husband's death, she often used to
+make away with things belonging to the estate for her own use.
+This I used to point out to my husband, but he remained silent.
+I would get angry and say: "If you feel generous, make gifts by
+all means, but why allow yourself to be robbed?"  Providence must
+have smiled, then, at these complaints of mine, for tonight I am
+on the way to rob my husband's safe of my sister-in-law's money.
+My husband's custom was to let his keys remain in his pockets
+when he took off his clothes for the night, leaving them in the
+dressing-room.  I picked out the key of the safe and opened it.
+The slight sound it made seemed to wake the whole world!  A
+sudden chill turned my hands and feet icy cold, and I shivered
+all over.
+
+There was a drawer inside the safe.  On opening this I found the
+money, not in currency notes, but in gold rolled up in paper.  I
+had no time to count out what I wanted.  There were twenty rolls,
+all of which I took and tied up in a corner of my __sari__.
+
+What a weight it was.  The burden of the theft crushed my heart
+to the dust.  Perhaps notes would have made it seem less like
+thieving, but this was all gold.
+
+After I had stolen into my room like a thief, it felt like my own
+room no longer.  All the most precious rights which I had over it
+vanished at the touch of my theft.  I began to mutter to myself,
+as though telling __mantrams: Bande Mataram, Bande Mataram__,
+my Country, my golden Country, all this gold is for you, for none
+else!
+
+But in the night the mind is weak.  I came back into the bedroom
+where my husband was asleep, closing my eyes as I passed through,
+and went off to the open terrace beyond, on which I lay prone,
+clasping to my breast the end of the __sari__ tied over the
+gold.  And each one of the rolls gave me a shock of pain.
+
+The silent night stood there with forefinger upraised.  I could
+not think of my house as separate from my country: I had robbed
+my house, I had robbed my country.  For this sin my house had
+ceased to be mine, my country also was estranged from me.  Had I
+died begging for my country, even unsuccessfully, that would have
+been worship, acceptable to the gods.  But theft is never
+worship--how then can I offer this gold?  Ah me!  I am doomed to
+death myself, must I desecrate my country with my impious touch?
+The way to put the money back is closed to me.  I have not
+the strength to return to the room, take again that key, open
+once more that safe--I should swoon on the threshold of my
+husband's door.  The only road left now is the road in front.
+Neither have I the strength deliberately to sit down and count
+the coins.  Let them remain behind their coverings: I cannot
+calculate.
+
+There was no mist in the winter sky.  The stars were shining
+brightly.  If, thought I to myself, as I lay out there, I had to
+steal these stars one by one, like golden coins, for my country--
+these stars so carefully stored up in the bosom of the darkness--
+then the sky would be blinded, the night widowed for ever, and my
+theft would rob the whole world.  But was not also this very
+thing I had done a robbing of the whole world--not only of money,
+but of trust, of righteousness?
+
+I spent the night lying on the terrace.  When at last it was
+morning, and I was sure that my husband had risen and left the
+room, then only with my shawl pulled over my head, could I
+retrace my steps towards the bedroom.
+
+My sister-in-law was about, with her brass pot, watering her
+plants.  When she saw me passing in the distance she cried: "Have
+you heard the news, Chota Rani?"
+
+I stopped in silence, all in a tremor.  It seemed to me that the
+rolls of sovereigns were bulging through the shawl.  I feared
+they would burst and scatter in a ringing shower, exposing to all
+the servants of the house the thief who had made herself
+destitute by robbing her own wealth.
+
+"Your band of robbers," she went on, "have sent an anonymous
+message threatening to loot the treasury."
+
+I remained as silent as a thief.
+
+"I was advising Brother Nikhil to seek your protection," she
+continued banteringly.  "Call off your minions, Robber Queen!  We
+will offer sacrifices to your __Bande Mataram__ if you will
+but save us.  What doings there are these days!--but for the
+Lord's sake, spare our house at least from burglary."
+
+I hastened into my room without reply.  I had put my foot on
+quicksand, and could not now withdraw it.  Struggling would only
+send me down deeper.
+
+If only the time would arrive when I could hand over the money to
+Sandip!  I could bear it no longer, its weight was breaking
+through my very ribs.
+
+It was still early when I got word that Sandip was awaiting me.
+Today I had no thought of adornment.  Wrapped as I was in my
+shawl, I went off to the outer apartments.  As I entered the
+sitting-room I saw Sandip and Amulya there, together.  All my
+dignity, all my honour, seemed to run tingling through my body
+from head to foot and vanish into the ground.  I should have to
+lay bare a woman's uttermost shame in sight of this boy!  Could
+they have been discussing my deed in their meeting place?  Had
+any vestige of a veil of decency been left for me?
+
+We women shall never understand men.  When they are bent on
+making a road for some achievement, they think nothing of
+breaking the heart of the world into pieces to pave it for the
+progress of their chariot.  When they are mad with the
+intoxication of creating, they rejoice in destroying the creation
+of the Creator.  This heart-breaking shame of mine will not
+attract even a glance from their eyes.  They have no feeling for
+life itself--all their eagerness is for their object.  What am I
+to them but a meadow flower in the path of a torrent in flood?
+
+What good will this extinction of me be to Sandip?  Only five
+thousand rupees?  Was not I good for something more than only
+five thousand rupees?  Yes, indeed!  Did I not learn that from
+Sandip himself, and was I not able in the light of this knowledge
+to despise all else in my world?  I was the giver of light, of
+life, of __Shakti__, of immortality--in that belief, in that
+joy, I had burst all my bounds and come into the open.  Had
+anyone then fulfilled for me that joy, I should have lived in my
+death.  I should have lost nothing in the loss of my all.
+Do they want to tell me now that all this was false?  The psalm
+of my praise which was sung so devotedly, did it bring me down
+from my heaven, not to make heaven of earth, but only to level
+heaven itself with the dust?
+
+
+
+XVI
+
+
+"The money, Queen?"  said Sandip with his keen glance full on my
+face.
+
+Amulya also fixed his gaze on me.  Though not my own mother's
+child, yet the dear lad is brother to me; for mother is mother
+all the world over.  With his guileless face, his gentle eyes,
+his innocent youth, he looked at me.  And I, a woman--of his
+mother's sex--how could I hand him poison, just because he asked
+for it?
+
+"The money, Queen!"  Sandip's insolent demand rang in my ears.
+For very shame and vexation I felt I wanted to fling that gold at
+Sandip's head.  I could hardly undo the knot of my __sari__,
+my fingers trembled so.  At last the paper rolls dropped on the
+table.
+
+Sandip's face grew black ...  He must have thought that the rolls
+were of silver ...  What contempt was in his looks.  What utter
+disgust at incapacity.  It was almost as if he could have struck
+me!  He must have suspected that I had come to parley with him,
+to offer to compound his claim for five thousand rupees with a
+few hundreds.  There was a moment when I thought he would snatch
+up the rolls and throw them out of the window, declaring that he
+was no beggar, but a king claiming tribute.
+
+"Is that all?"  asked Amulya with such pity welling up in his
+voice that I wanted to sob out aloud.  I kept my heart tightly
+pressed down, and merely nodded my head.  Sandip was speechless.
+He neither touched the rolls, nor uttered a sound.
+
+My humiliation went straight to the boy's heart.  With a sudden,
+feigned enthusiasm he exclaimed: "It's plenty.  It will do
+splendidly.  You have saved us."  With which he tore open the
+covering of one of the rolls.
+
+The sovereigns shone out.  And in a moment the black covering
+seemed to be lifted from Sandip's countenance also.  His delight
+beamed forth from his features.  Unable to control his sudden
+revulsion of feeling, he sprang up from his seat towards me.
+What he intended I know not.  I flashed a lightning glance
+towards Amulya--the colour had left the boy's face as at the
+stroke of a whip.  Then with all my strength I thrust Sandip from
+me.  As he reeled back his head struck the edge of the marble
+table and he dropped on the floor.  There he lay awhile,
+motionless.  Exhausted with my effort, I sank back on my seat.
+
+Amulya's face lightened with a joyful radiance.  He did not even
+turn towards Sandip, but came straight up, took the dust of my
+feet, and then remained there, sitting on the floor in front of
+me.  O my little brother, my child!  This reverence of yours is
+the last touch of heaven left in my empty world!  I could contain
+myself no longer, and my tears flowed fast.  I covered my eyes
+with the end of my __sari__, which I pressed to my face with
+both my hands, and sobbed and sobbed.  And every time that I felt
+on my feet his tender touch trying to comfort me my tears broke
+out afresh.
+
+After a little, when I had recovered myself and taken my hands
+from my face, I saw Sandip back at the table, gathering up the
+sovereigns in his handkerchief, as if nothing had happened.
+Amulya rose to his seat, from his place near my feet, his wet
+eyes shining.
+
+
+Sandip coolly looked up at my face as he remarked: "It is six
+thousand."
+
+"What do we want with so much, Sandip Babu?"  cried Amulya.
+"Three thousand five hundred is all we need for our work."
+
+"Our wants are not for this one place only," Sandip replied.  "We
+shall want all we can get."
+
+"That may be," said Amulya.  "But in future I undertake to get
+you all you want.  Out of this, Sandip Babu, please return the
+extra two thousand five hundred to the Maharani."
+
+Sandip glanced enquiringly at me.
+
+"No, no," I exclaimed.  "I shall never touch that money again.
+Do with it as you will."
+
+"Can man ever give as woman can?"  said Sandip, looking towards
+Amulya.
+
+"They are goddesses!"  agreed Amulya with enthusiasm.
+
+"We men can at best give of our power," continued Sandip.  "But
+women give themselves.  Out of their own life they give birth,
+out of their own life they give sustenance.  Such gifts are the
+only true gifts."  Then turning to me, "Queen!"  said he, "if
+what you have given us had been only money I would not have
+touched it.  But you have given that which is more to you than
+life itself!"
+
+There must be two different persons inside men.  One of these in
+me can understand that Sandip is trying to delude me; the other
+is content to be deluded.  Sandip has power, but no strength of
+righteousness.  The weapon of his which rouses up life smites it
+again to death.  He has the unfailing quiver of the gods, but the
+shafts in them are of the demons.
+
+Sandip's handkerchief was not large enough to hold all the coins.
+"Queen," he asked, "can you give me another?"  When I gave him
+mine, he reverently touched his forehead with it, and then
+suddenly kneeling on the floor he made me an obeisance.
+"Goddess!"  he said, "it was to offer my reverence that I had
+approached you, but you repulsed me, and rolled me in the dust.
+Be it so, I accept your repulse as your boon to me, I raise it to
+my head in salutation!"  with which he pointed to the place where
+he had been hurt.
+
+Had I then misunderstood him?  Could it be that his outstretched
+hands had really been directed towards my feet?  Yet, surely,
+even Amulya had seen the passion that flamed out of his eyes, his
+face.  But Sandip is such an adept in setting music to his chant
+of praise that I cannot argue; I lose my power of seeing truth;
+my sight is clouded over like an opium-eater's eyes.  And so,
+after all, he gave me back twice as much in return for the blow I
+had dealt him--the wound on his head ended by making me bleed at
+heart.  When I had received Sandip's obeisance my theft seemed to
+gain a dignity, and the gold glittering on the table to smile
+away all fear of disgrace, all stings of conscience.
+
+Like me Amulya also was won back.  His devotion to Sandip, which
+had suffered a momentary check, blazed up anew.  The flower-vase
+of his mind filled once more with offerings for the worship of
+Sandip and me.  His simple faith shone out of his eyes with the
+pure light of the morning star at dawn.
+
+After I had offered worship and received worship my sin became
+radiant.  And as Amulya looked on my face he raised his folded
+hands in salutation and cried __Bande Mataram__!  I cannot
+expect to have this adoration surrounding me for ever; and yet
+this has come to be the only means of keeping alive my self-
+respect.
+
+I can no longer enter my bedroom.  The bedstead seems to thrust
+out a forbidding hand, the iron safe frowns at me.  I want to get
+away from this continual insult to myself which is rankling
+within me.  I want to keep running to Sandip to hear him sing my
+praises.  There is just this one little altar of worship which
+has kept its head above the all-pervading depths of my dishonour,
+and so I want to cleave to it night and day; for on whichever
+side I step away from it, there is only emptiness.
+
+Praise, praise, I want unceasing praise.  I cannot live if my
+wine-cup be left empty for a single moment.  So, as the very
+price of my life, I want Sandip of all the world, today.
+
+XVII
+
+
+
+When my husband nowadays comes in for his meals I feel I cannot
+sit before him; and yet it is such a shame not to be near him
+that I feel I cannot do that either.  So I seat myself where we
+cannot look at each other's face.  That was how I was sitting the
+other day when the Bara Rani came and joined us.
+
+"It is all very well for you, brother," said she, "to laugh away
+these threatening letters.  But they do frighten me so.  Have you
+sent off that money you gave me to the Calcutta bank?"
+
+"No, I have not yet had the time to get it away," my husband
+replied.
+
+"You are so careless, brother dear, you had better look out..."
+
+"But it is in the iron safe right inside the inner dressing-
+room," said my husband with a reassuring smile.
+
+"What if they get in there?  You can never tell!"
+
+"If they go so far, they might as well carry you off too!"
+
+"Don't you fear, no one will come for poor me.  The real
+attraction is in your room!  But joking apart, don't run the risk
+of keeping money in the room like that."
+
+"They will be taking along the Government revenue to Calcutta in
+a few days now; I will send this money to the bank under the same
+escort."
+
+"Very well.  But see you don't forget all about it, you are so
+absent-minded."
+
+"Even if that money gets lost, while in my room, the loss cannot
+be yours, Sister Rani."
+
+"Now, now, brother, you will make me very angry if you talk in
+that way.  Was I making any difference between yours and mine?
+What if your money is lost, does not that hurt me?  If Providence
+has thought fit to take away my all, it has not left me
+insensible to the value of the most devoted brother known since
+the days of Lakshman."  [25]
+
+"Well, Junior Rani, are you turned into a wooden doll?  You have
+not spoken a word yet.  Do you know, brother, our Junior Rani
+thinks I try to flatter you.  If things came to that pass I
+should not hesitate to do so, but I know my dear old brother does
+not need it!"
+
+Thus the Senior Rani chattered on, not forgetting now and then to
+draw her brother's attention to this or that special delicacy
+amongst the dishes that were being served.  My head was all the
+time in a whirl.  The crisis was fast coming.  Something must be
+done about replacing that money.  And as I kept asking myself
+what could be done, and how it was to be done, the unceasing
+patter of my sister-in-law's words seemed more and more
+intolerable.
+
+What made it all the worse was, that nothing could escape my
+sister-in-law's keen eyes.  Every now and then she was casting
+side glances towards me.  What she could read in my face I do not
+know, but to me it seemed that everything was written there only
+too plainly.
+
+Then I did an infinitely rash thing.  Affecting an easy, amused
+laugh I said: "All the Senior Rani's suspicions, I see, are
+reserved for me--her fears of thieves and robbers are only a
+feint."
+
+The Senior Rani smiled mischievously.  "You are right, sister
+mine.  A woman's theft is the most fatal of all thefts.  But how
+can you elude my watchfulness?  Am I a man, that you should
+hoodwink me?"
+
+"If you fear me so," I retorted, "let me keep in your hands all I
+have, as security.  If I cause you loss, you can then repay
+yourself."
+
+"Just listen to her, our simple little Junior Rani!"  she laughed
+back, turning to my husband.  "Does she not know that there are
+losses which no security can make good, either in this world or
+in the next?"
+
+My husband did not join in our exchange of words.  When he had
+finished, he went off to the outer apartments, for nowadays he
+does not take his mid-day rest in our room.
+
+All my more valuable jewels were in deposit in the treasury in
+charge of the cashier.  Still what I kept with me must have been
+worth thirty or forty thousand.  I took my jewel-box to the Bara
+Rani's room and opened it out before her, saying: "I leave these
+with you, sister.  They will keep you quite safe from all worry."
+
+The Bara Rani made a gesture of mock despair.  "You positively
+astound me, Chota Rani!"  she said.  "Do you really suppose I
+spend sleepless nights for fear of being robbed by you?"
+
+"What harm if you did have a wholesome fear of me?  Does anybody
+know anybody else in this world?"
+
+"You want to teach me a lesson by trusting me?  No, no!  I am
+bothered enough to know what to do with my own jewels, without
+keeping watch over yours.  Take them away, there's a dear, so
+many prying servants are about."
+
+I went straight from my sister-in-law's room to the sitting-room
+outside, and sent for Amulya.  With him Sandip came along too.  I
+was in a great hurry, and said to Sandip: "If you don't mind, I
+want to have a word or two with Amulya.  Would you..."
+
+Sandip smiled a wry smile.  "So Amulya and I are separate in your
+eyes?  If you have set about to wean him from me, I must confess
+I have no power to retain him."
+
+I made no reply, but stood waiting.
+
+"Be it so," Sandip went on.  "Finish your special talk with
+Amulya.  But then you must give me a special talk all to myself
+too, or it will mean a defeat for me.  I can stand everything,
+but not defeat.  My share must always be the lion's share.  This
+has been my constant quarrel with Providence.  I will defeat the
+Dispenser of my fate, but not take defeat at his hands."  With a
+crushing look at Amulya, Sandip walked out of the room.
+
+"Amulya, my own little brother, you must do one thing for me," I
+said.
+
+"I will stake my life for whatever duty you may lay on me,
+sister."
+
+I brought out my jewel-box from the folds of my shawl and placed
+it before him.  "Sell or pawn these," I said, "and get me six
+thousand rupees as fast as ever you can."
+
+"No, no, Sister Rani," said Amulya, touched to the quick.  "Let
+these jewels be.  I will get you six thousand all the same."
+
+"Oh, don't be silly," I said impatiently.  "There is no time for
+any nonsense.  Take this box.  Get away to Calcutta by the night
+train.  And bring me the money by the day after tomorrow
+positively."
+
+Amulya took a diamond necklace out of the box, held it up to the
+light and put it back gloomily.
+
+"I know," I told him, "that you will never get the proper price
+for these diamonds, so I am giving you jewels worth about thirty
+thousand.  I don't care if they all go, but I must have that six
+thousand without fail."
+
+"Do you know, Sister Rani," said Amulya, "I have had a quarrel
+with Sandip Babu over that six thousand rupees he took from you?
+I cannot tell you how ashamed I felt.  But Sandip Babu would have
+it that we must give up even our shame for the country.  That may
+be so.  But this is somehow different.  I do not fear to die for
+the country, to kill for the country--that much __Shakti__ has
+been given me.  But I cannot forget the shame of having taken
+money from you.  There Sandip Babu is ahead of me.  He has no
+regrets or compunctions.  He says we must get rid of the idea
+that the money belongs to the one in whose box it happens to be--
+if we cannot, where is the magic of __Bande Mataram__?"
+
+Amulya gathered enthusiasm as he talked on.  He always warms up
+when he has me for a listener.  "The Gita tells us," he
+continued, "that no one can kill the soul.  Killing is a mere
+word.  So also is the taking away of money.  Whose is the money?
+No one has created it.  No one can take it away with him when he
+departs this life, for it is no part of his soul.  Today it is
+mine, tomorrow my son's, the next day his creditor's.  Since, in
+fact, money belongs to no one, why should any blame attach to our
+patriots if, instead of leaving it for some worthless son, they
+take it for their own use?"
+
+When I hear Sandip's words uttered by this boy, I tremble all
+over.  Let those who are snake-charmers play with snakes; if harm
+comes to them, they are prepared for it.  But these boys are so
+innocent, all the world is ready with its blessing to protect
+them.  They play with a snake not knowing its nature, and when we
+see them smilingly, trustfully, putting their hands within reach
+of its fangs, then we understand how terribly dangerous the snake
+is.  Sandip is right when he suspects that though I, for myself,
+may be ready to die at his hands, this boy I shall wean from him
+and save.
+
+"So the money is wanted for the use of your patriots?"  I
+questioned with a smile.
+
+"Of course it is!"  said Amulya proudly.  "Are they not our
+kings?  Poverty takes away from their regal power.  Do you know,
+we always insist on Sandip Babu travelling First Class?  He never
+shirks kingly honours--he accepts them not for himself, but for
+the glory of us all.  The greatest weapon of those who rule the
+world, Sandip Babu has told us, is the hypnotism of their
+display.  To take the vow of poverty would be for them not merely
+a penance--it would mean suicide."
+
+At this point Sandip noiselessly entered the room.  I threw my
+shawl over the jewel-case with a rapid movement.
+
+"The special-talk business not yet over?"  he asked with a sneer
+in his tone.
+
+"Yes, we've quite finished," said Amulya apologetically.  "It was
+nothing much."
+
+"No, Amulya," I said, "we have not quite finished."
+
+"So exit Sandip for the second time, I suppose?"  said Sandip.
+
+"If you please."
+
+"And as to Sandip's re-entry."
+
+"Not today.  I have no time."
+
+"I see!"  said Sandip as his eyes flashed.  "No time to waste,
+only for special talks!"
+
+Jealousy!  Where the strong man shows weakness, there the weaker
+sex cannot help beating her drums of victory.  So I repeated
+firmly: "I really have no time."
+
+Sandip went away looking black.  Amulya was greatly perturbed.
+"Sister Rani," he pleaded, "Sandip Babu is annoyed."
+
+"He has neither cause nor right to be annoyed," I said with some
+vehemence.  "Let me caution you about one thing, Amulya.  Say
+nothing to Sandip Babu about the sale of my jewels--on your
+life."
+
+"No, I will not."
+
+"Then you had better not delay any more.  You must get away by
+tonight's train."
+
+Amulya and I left the room together.  As we came out on the
+verandah Sandip was standing there.  I could see he was waiting
+to waylay Amulya.  To prevent that I had to engage him.  "What is
+it you wanted to tell me, Sandip Babu?"  I asked.
+
+"I have nothing special to say--mere small talk.  And since you
+have not the time .  .  "
+
+"I can give you just a little."
+
+By this time Amulya had left.  As we entered the room Sandip
+asked: "What was that box Amulya carried away?"
+
+The box had not escaped his eyes.  I remained firm.  "If I could
+have told you, it would have been made over to him in your
+presence!"
+
+"So you think Amulya will not tell me?"
+
+"No, he will not."
+
+Sandip could not conceal his anger any longer.  "You think you
+will gain the mastery over me?"  he blazed out.  "That shall
+never be.  Amulya, there, would die a happy death if I deigned to
+trample him under foot.  I will never, so long as I live, allow
+you to bring him to your feet!"
+
+Oh, the weak!  the weak!  At last Sandip has realized that he is
+weak before me!  That is why there is this sudden outburst of
+anger.  He has understood that he cannot meet the power that I
+wield, with mere strength.  With a glance I can crumble his
+strongest fortifications.  So he must needs resort to bluster.  I
+simply smiled in contemptuous silence.  At last have I come to a
+level above him.  I must never lose this vantage ground; never
+descend lower again.  Amidst all my degradation this bit of
+dignity must remain to me!
+
+"I know," said Sandip, after a pause, "it was your jewel-case."
+
+"You may guess as you please," said I, "but you will get nothing
+out of me.
+
+"So you trust Amulya more than you trust me?  Do you know that
+the boy is the shadow of my shadow, the echo of my echo--that he
+is nothing if I am not at his side?"
+
+"Where he is not your echo, he is himself, Amulya.  And that is
+where I trust him more than I can trust your echo!"
+
+"You must not forget that you are under a promise to render up
+all your ornaments to me for the worship of the Divine Mother.
+In fact your offering has already been made."
+
+"Whatever ornaments the gods leave to me will be offered up to
+the gods.  But how can I offer those which have been stolen away
+from me?"
+
+"Look here, it is no use your trying to give me the slip in that
+fashion.  Now is the time for grim work.  Let that work be
+finished, then you can make a display of your woman's wiles to
+your heart's content--and I will help you in your game."
+
+The moment I had stolen my husband's money and paid it to Sandip,
+the music that was in our relations stopped.  Not only did I
+destroy all my own value by making myself cheap, but Sandip's
+powers, too, lost scope for their full play.  You cannot employ
+your marksmanship against a thing which is right in your grasp.
+So Sandip has lost his aspect of the hero; a tone of low
+quarrelsomeness has come into his words.
+
+Sandip kept his brilliant eyes fixed full on my face till they
+seemed to blaze with all the thirst of the mid-day sky.  Once or
+twice he fidgeted with his feet, as though to leave his seat, as
+if to spring right on me.  My whole body seemed to swim, my veins
+throbbed, the hot blood surged up to my ears; I felt that if I
+remained there, I should never get up at all.  With a supreme
+effort I tore myself off the chair, and hastened towards the
+door.
+
+From Sandip's dry throat there came a muffled cry: "Whither would
+you flee, Queen?"  The next moment he left his seat with a bound
+to seize hold of me.  At the sound of footsteps outside the door,
+however, he rapidly retreated and fell back into his chair.  I
+checked my steps near the bookshelf, where I stood staring at the
+names of the books.
+
+As my husband entered the room, Sandip exclaimed: "I say, Nikhil,
+don't you keep Browning among your books here?  I was just
+telling Queen Bee of our college club.  Do you remember that
+contest of ours over the translation of those lines from
+Browning?  You don't?
+
+/*
+  "She should never have looked at me,
+  If she meant I should not love her,
+  There are plenty ...  men you call such,
+  I suppose ...  she may discover
+  All her soul to, if she pleases,
+  And yet leave much as she found them:
+  But I'm not so, and she knew it
+  When she fixed me, glancing round them.
+*/
+
+"I managed to get together the words to render it into Bengali,
+somehow, but the result was hardly likely to be a 'joy forever'
+to the people of Bengal.  I really did think at one time that I
+was on the verge of becoming a poet, but Providence was kind
+enough to save me from that disaster.  Do you remember old
+Dakshina?  If he had not become a Salt Inspector, he would have
+been a poet.  I remember his rendering to this day ...
+
+"No, Queen Bee, it is no use rummaging those bookshelves.  Nikhil
+has ceased to read poetry since his marriage--perhaps he has no
+further need for it.  But I suppose 'the fever fit of poesy', as
+the Sanskrit has it, is about to attack me again."
+
+"I have come to give you a warning, Sandip," said my husband.
+
+"About the fever fit of poesy?"
+
+My husband took no notice of this attempt at humour.  "For some
+time," he continued, "Mahomedan preachers have been about
+stirring up the local Mussulmans.  They are all wild with you,
+and may attack you any moment."
+
+"Are you come to advise flight?"
+
+"I have come to give you information, not to offer advice."
+
+"Had these estates been mine, such a warning would have been
+necessary for the preachers, not for me.  If, instead of trying
+to frighten me, you give them a taste of your intimidation, that
+would be worthier both of you and me.  Do you know that your
+weakness is weakening your neighbouring __zamindars__ also?"
+
+"I did not offer you my advice, Sandip.  I wish you, too, would
+refrain from giving me yours.  Besides, it is useless.  And there
+is another thing I want to tell you.  You and your followers have
+been secretly worrying and oppressing my tenantry.  I cannot
+allow that any longer.  So I must ask you to leave my territory."
+
+"For fear of the Mussulmans, or is there any other fear you have
+to threaten me with?"
+
+"There are fears the want of which is cowardice.  In the name of
+those fears, I tell you, Sandip, you must go.  In five days I
+shall be starting for Calcutta.  I want you to accompany me.  You
+may of course stay in my house there--to that there is no
+objection."
+
+"All right, I have still five day's time then.  Meanwhile, Queen
+Bee, let me hum to you my song of parting from your honey-hive.
+Ah!  you poet of modern Bengal!  Throw open your doors and let me
+plunder your words.  The theft is really yours, for it is my song
+which you have made your own--let the name be yours by all means,
+but the song is mine."  With this Sandip struck up in a deep,
+husky voice, which threatened to be out of tune, a song in the
+Bhairavi mode:
+
+/*
+  "In the springtime of your kingdom, my Queen,
+  Meetings and partings chase each other in their endless hide
+    and seek,
+  And flowers blossom in the wake of those that droop and die in
+    the shade.
+  In the springtime of your kingdom, my Queen,
+  My meeting with you had its own songs,
+  But has not also my leave-taking any gift to offer you?
+  That gift is my secret hope, which I keep hidden in the shadows
+    of your flower garden,
+  That the rains of July may sweetly temper your fiery June."
+*/
+
+His boldness was immense--boldness which had no veil, but was naked
+as fire.  One finds no time to stop it: it is like trying
+to resist a thunderbolt: the lightning flashes: it laughs at all
+resistance.
+
+I left the room.  As I was passing along the verandah towards the
+inner apartments, Amulya suddenly made his appearance and came
+and stood before me.
+
+"Fear nothing, Sister Rani," he said.  "I am off tonight and
+shall not return unsuccessful."
+
+"Amulya," said I, looking straight into his earnest, youthful
+face, "I fear nothing for myself, but may I never cease to fear
+for you."
+
+Amulya turned to go, but before he was out of sight I called him
+back and asked: "Have you a mother, Amulya?"
+
+"I have."
+
+"A sister?"
+
+"No, I am the only child of my mother.  My father died when I was
+quite little."
+
+"Then go back to your mother, Amulya."
+
+"But, Sister Rani, I have now both mother and sister."
+
+"Then, Amulya, before you leave tonight, come and have your
+dinner here."
+
+"There won't be time for that.  Let me take some food for the
+journey, consecrated with your touch."
+
+"What do you specially like, Amulya?"
+"If I had been with my mother I should have had lots of Poush
+cakes.  Make some for me with your own hands, Sister Rani!"
+
+------
+
+25. Of the __Ramayana__.  The story of his devotion to his
+elder brother Rama and his brother's wife Sita, has become a
+byword.
+
+
+
+Chapter Ten
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+XII
+
+
+
+I LEARNT from my master that Sandip had joined forces with Harish
+Kundu, and there was to be a grand celebration of the worship of
+the demon-destroying Goddess.  Harish Kundu was extorting the
+expenses from his tenantry.  Pandits Kaviratna and Vidyavagish
+had been commissioned to compose a hymn with a double meaning.
+
+My master has just had a passage at arms with Sandip over this.
+"Evolution is at work amongst the gods as well," says Sandip.
+"The grandson has to remodel the gods created by the grandfather
+to suit his own taste, or else he is left an atheist.  It is my
+mission to modernize the ancient deities.  I am born the saviour
+of the gods, to emancipate them from the thraldom of the past."
+
+I have seen from our boyhood what a juggler with ideas is Sandip.
+He has no interest in discovering truth, but to make a quizzical
+display of it rejoices his heart.  Had he been born in the wilds
+of Africa he would have spent a glorious time inventing argument
+after argument to prove that cannibalism is the best means of
+promoting true communion between man and man.  But those who deal
+in delusion end by deluding themselves, and I fully believe that,
+each time Sandip creates a new fallacy, he persuades himself that
+he has found the truth, however contradictory his creations may
+be to one another.
+
+However, I shall not give a helping hand to establish a liquor
+distillery in my country.  The young men, who are ready to offer
+their services for their country's cause, must not fall into this
+habit of getting intoxicated.  The people who want to exact work
+by drugging methods set more value on the excitement than on the
+minds they intoxicate.
+
+I had to tell Sandip, in Bimala's presence, that he must go.
+Perhaps both will impute to me the wrong motive.  But I must free
+myself also from all fear of being misunderstood.  Let even
+Bimala misunderstand me ...
+
+A number of Mahomedan preachers are being sent over from Dacca.
+The Mussulmans in my territory had come to have almost as much of
+an aversion to the killing of cows as the Hindus.  But now cases
+of cow-killing are cropping up here and there.  I had the news
+first from some of my Mussulman tenants with expressions of their
+disapproval.  Here was a situation which I could see would be
+difficult to meet.  At the bottom was a pretence of fanaticism,
+which would cease to be a pretence if obstructed.  That is just
+where the ingenuity of the move came in!
+
+I sent for some of my principal Hindu tenants and tried to get
+them to see the matter in its proper light.  "We can be staunch
+in our own convictions," I said, "but we have no control over
+those of others.  For all that many of us are Vaishnavas, those
+of us who are Shaktas go on with their animal sacrifices just the
+same.  That cannot be helped.  We must, in the same way, let the
+Mussulmans do as they think best.  So please refrain from all
+disturbance."
+
+"Maharaja," they replied, "these outrages have been unknown for
+so long."
+
+"That was so," I said, "because such was their spontaneous
+desire.  Let us behave in such a way that the same may become
+true, over again.  But a breach of the peace is not the way to
+bring this about."
+
+"No, Maharaja," they insisted, "those good old days are gone.
+This will never stop unless you put it down with a strong hand."
+
+"Oppression," I replied, "will not only not prevent cow-killing,
+it may lead to the killing of men as well."
+
+One of them had had an English education.  He had learnt to
+repeat the phrases of the day.  "It is not only a question of
+orthodoxy," he argued.  "Our country is mainly agricultural, and
+cows are ..."
+
+"Buffaloes in this country," I interrupted, "likewise give milk
+and are used for ploughing.  And therefore, so long as we dance
+frantic dances on our temple pavements, smeared with their blood,
+their severed heads carried on our shoulders, religion will only
+laugh at us if we quarrel with Mussulmans in her name, and
+nothing but the quarrel itself will remain true.  If the cow
+alone is to be held sacred from slaughter, and not the buffalo,
+then that is bigotry, not religion."
+
+"But are you not aware, sir, of what is behind all this?"
+pursued the English-knowing tenant.  "This has only become
+possible because the Mussulman is assured of safety, even if he
+breaks the law.  Have you not heard of the Pachur case?"
+
+"Why is it possible," I asked, "to use the Mussulmans thus, as
+tools against us?  Is it not because we have fashioned them into
+such with our own intolerance?  That is how Providence punishes
+us.  Our accumulated sins are being visited on our own heads."
+
+"Oh, well, if that be so, let them be visited on us.  But we
+shall have our revenge.  We have undermined what was the greatest
+strength of the authorities, their devotion to their own laws.
+Once they were truly kings, dispensing justice; now they
+themselves will become law-breakers, and so no better than
+robbers.  This may not go down to history, but we shall carry it
+in our hearts for all time ..."
+
+The evil reports about me which are spreading from paper to paper
+are making me notorious.  News comes that my effigy has been
+burnt at the river-side burning-ground of the Chakravartis, with
+due ceremony and enthusiasm; and other insults are in
+contemplation.  The trouble was that they had come to ask me to
+take shares in a Cotton Mill they wanted to start.  I had to tell
+them that I did not so much mind the loss of my own money, but I
+would not be a party to causing a loss to so many poor
+shareholders.
+
+"Are we to understand, Maharaja," said my visitors, "that the
+prosperity of the country does not interest you?"
+
+"Industry may lead to the country's prosperity," I explained,
+"but a mere desire for its prosperity will not make for success
+in industry.  Even when our heads were cool, our industries did
+not flourish.  Why should we suppose that they will do so just
+because we have become frantic?"
+
+"Why not say plainly that you will not risk your money?"
+
+"I will put in my money when I see that it is industry which
+prompts you.  But, because you have lighted a fire, it does not
+follow that you have the food to cook over it."
+
+XIII
+
+
+
+What is this?  Our Chakua sub-treasury looted!  A remittance of
+seven thousand five hundred rupees was due from there to
+headquarters.  The local cashier had changed the cash at the
+Government Treasury into small currency notes for convenience in
+carrying, and had kept them ready in bundles.  In the middle of
+the night an armed band had raided the room, and wounded Kasim,
+the man on guard.  The curious part of it was that they had taken
+only six thousand rupees and left the rest scattered on the
+floor, though it would have been as easy to carry that away also.
+Anyhow, the raid of the dacoits was over; now the police raid
+would begin.  Peace was out of the question.
+
+When I went inside, I found the news had travelled before me.
+"What a terrible thing, brother," exclaimed the Bara Rani.
+"Whatever shall we do?"
+
+I made light of the matter to reassure her.  "We still have
+something left," I said with a smile.  "We shall manage to get
+along somehow."
+
+"Don't joke about it, brother dear.  Why are they all so angry
+with you?  Can't you humour them?  Why put everybody out?"
+
+"I cannot let the country go to rack and ruin, even if that would
+please everybody."
+
+"That was a shocking thing they did at the burning-grounds.  It's
+a horrid shame to treat you so.  The Chota Rani has got rid of
+all her fears by dint of the Englishwoman's teaching, but as for
+me, I had to send for the priest to avert the omen before I could
+get any peace of mind.  For my sake, dear, do get away to
+Calcutta.  I tremble to think what they may do, if you stay on
+here."
+
+My sister-in-law's genuine anxiety touched me deeply.
+
+"And, brother," she went on, "did I not warn you, it was not well
+to keep so much money in your room?  They might get wind of it
+any day.  It is not the money--but who knows..."
+
+To calm her I promised to remove the money to the treasury at
+once, and then get it away to Calcutta with the first escort
+going.  We went together to my bedroom.  The dressing-room door
+was shut.  When I knocked, Bimala called out: "I am dressing."
+
+"I wonder at the Chota Rani," exclaimed my sister-in-law,
+"dressing so early in the day!  One of their __Bande Mataram__
+meetings, I suppose.  Robber Queen!"  she called out in jest to
+Bimala.  "Are you counting your spoils inside?"
+
+"I will attend to the money a little later," I said, as I came
+away to my office room outside.
+
+I found the Police Inspector waiting for me.  "Any trace of the
+dacoits?"  I asked.
+
+"I have my suspicions."
+
+"On whom?"
+
+"Kasim, the guard."
+
+"Kasim?  But was he not wounded?"
+
+"A mere nothing.  A flesh wound on the leg.  Probably self-
+inflicted."
+
+"But I cannot bring myself to believe it.  He is such a trusted
+servant."
+
+"You may have trusted him, but that does not prevent his being a
+thief.  Have I not seen men trusted for twenty years together,
+suddenly developing..."
+
+"Even if it were so, I could not send him to gaol.  But why
+should he have left the rest of the money lying about?"
+
+"To put us off the scent.  Whatever you may say, Maharaja, he
+must be an old hand at the game.  He mounts guard during his
+watch, right enough, but I feel sure he has a finger in all the
+dacoities going on in the neighbourhood."
+
+With this the Inspector proceeded to recount the various methods
+by which it was possible to be concerned in a dacoity twenty or
+thirty miles away, and yet be back in time for duty.
+
+"Have you brought Kasim here?"  I asked.
+
+"No," was the reply, "he is in the lock-up.  The Magistrate is
+due for the investigation."
+
+"I want to see him," I said.
+
+When I went to his cell he fell at my feet, weeping.  "In God's
+name," he said, "I swear I did not do this thing."
+
+"I do not doubt you, Kasim," I assured him.  "Fear nothing.  They
+can do nothing to you, if you are innocent."
+
+Kasim, however, was unable to give a coherent account of the
+incident.  He was obviously exaggerating.  Four or five hundred
+men, big guns, numberless swords, figured in his narrative.  It
+must have been either his disturbed state of mind or a desire to
+account for his easy defeat.  He would have it that this was
+Harish Kundu's doing; he was even sure he had heard the voice of
+Ekram, the head retainer of the Kundus.
+
+"Look here, Kasim," I had to warn him, "don't you be dragging
+other people in with your stories.  You are not called upon to
+make out a case against Harish Kundu, or anybody else."
+
+XIV
+
+
+
+On returning home I asked my master to come over.  He shook his
+head gravely.  "I see no good in this," said he--"this setting
+aside of conscience and putting the country in its place.  All
+the sins of the country will now break out, hideous and
+unashamed."
+
+"Who do you think could have ..."
+
+"Don't ask me.  But sin is rampant.  Send them all away, right
+away from here."
+
+"I have given them one more day.  They will be leaving the day
+after tomorrow."
+
+"And another thing.  Take Bimala away to Calcutta.  She is
+getting too narrow a view of the outside world from here, she
+cannot see men and things in their true proportions.  Let her see
+the world--men and their work--give her abroad vision."
+
+"That is exactly what I was thinking."
+
+"Well, don't make any delay about it.  I tell you, Nikhil, man's
+history has to be built by the united effort of all the races in
+the world, and therefore this selling of conscience for political
+reasons--this making a fetish of one's country, won't do.  I know
+that Europe does not at heart admit this, but there she has not
+the right to pose as our teacher.  Men who die for the truth
+become immortal: and, if a whole people can die for the truth, it
+will also achieve immortality in the history of humanity.  Here,
+in this land of India, amid the mocking laughter of Satan
+piercing the sky, may the feeling for this truth become real!
+What a terrible epidemic of sin has been brought into our country
+from foreign lands..."
+
+The whole day passed in the turmoil of investigation.  I was
+tired out when I retired for the night.  I left over sending my
+sister-in-law's money to the treasury till next morning.
+
+I woke up from my sleep at dead of night.  The room was dark.  I
+thought I heard a moaning somewhere.  Somebody must have been
+crying.  Sounds of sobbing came heavy with tears like fitful
+gusts of wind in the rainy night.  It seemed to me that the cry
+rose from the heart of my room itself.  I was alone.  For some
+days Bimala had her bed in another room adjoining mine.  I rose
+up and when I went out I found her in the balcony lying prone
+upon her face on the bare floor.
+
+This is something that cannot be written in words.  He only knows
+it who sits in the bosom of the world and receives all its pangs
+in His own heart.  The sky is dumb, the stars are mute, the night
+is still, and in the midst of it all that one sleepless cry!
+
+We give these sufferings names, bad or good, according to the
+classifications of the books, but this agony which is welling up
+from a torn heart, pouring into the fathomless dark, has it any
+name?  When in that midnight, standing under the silent stars, I
+looked upon that figure, my mind was struck with awe, and I said
+to myself: "Who am Ito judge her?"  O life, O death, O God of the
+infinite existence, I bow my head in silence to the mystery which
+is in you.
+
+Once I thought I should turn back.  But I could not.  I sat down
+on the ground near Bimala and placed my hand on her head.  At the
+first touch her whole body seemed to stiffen, but the next moment
+the hardness gave way, and the tears burst out.  I gently passed
+my fingers over her forehead.  Suddenly her hands groping for my
+feet grasped them and drew them to herself, pressing them against
+her breast with such force that I thought her heart would break.
+
+
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XVIII
+
+
+
+Amulya is due to return from Calcutta this morning.  I told the
+servants to let me know as soon as he arrived, but could not keep
+still.  At last I went outside to await him in the sitting-room.
+
+When I sent him off to sell the jewels I must have been thinking
+only of myself.  It never even crossed my mind that so young a
+boy, trying to sell such valuable jewellery, would at once be
+suspected.  So helpless are we women, we needs must place on
+others the burden of our danger.  When we go to our death we drag
+down those who are about us.
+
+I had said with pride that I would save Amulya--as if she who was
+drowning could save others.  But instead of saving him, I have
+sent him to his doom.  My little brother, such a sister have I
+been to you that Death must have smiled on that Brothers' Day
+when I gave you my blessing--I, who wander distracted with the
+burden of my own evil-doing.
+
+I feel today that man is at times attacked with evil as with the
+plague.  Some germ finds its way in from somewhere, and then in
+the space of one night Death stalks in.  Why cannot the stricken
+one be kept far away from the rest of the world?  I, at least,
+have realized how terrible is the contagion--like a fiery torch
+which burns that it may set the world on fire.
+
+It struck nine.  I could not get rid of the idea that Amulya was
+in trouble, that he had fallen into the clutches of the police.
+There must be great excitement in the Police Office--whose are
+the jewels?--where did he get them?  And in the end I shall have
+to furnish the answer, in public, before all the world.
+
+What is that answer to be?  Your day has come at last, Bara Rani,
+you whom I have so long despised.  You, in the shape of the
+public, the world, will have your revenge.  O God, save me this
+time, and I will cast all my pride at my sister-in-law's feet.
+
+I could bear it no longer.  I went straight to the Bara Rani.
+She was in the verandah, spicing her betel leaves, Thako at her
+side.  The sight of Thako made me shrink back for a moment, but I
+overcame all hesitation, and making a low obeisance I took the
+dust of my elder sister-in-law's feet.
+
+"Bless my soul, Chota Rani," she exclaimed, "what has come upon
+you?  Why this sudden reverence?"
+
+"It is my birthday, sister," said I.  "I have caused you pain.
+Give me your blessing today that I may never do so again.  My
+mind is so small."  I repeated my obeisance and left her
+hurriedly, but she called me back.
+
+"You never before told me that this was your birthday, Chotie
+darling!  Be sure to come and have lunch with me this afternoon.
+You positively must."
+
+O God, let it really be my birthday today.  Can I not be born
+over again?  Cleanse me, my God, and purify me and give me one
+more trial!
+
+I went again to the sitting-room to find Sandip there.  A feeling
+of disgust seemed to poison my very blood.  The face of his,
+which I saw in the morning light, had nothing of the magic
+radiance of genius.
+
+"Will you leave the room," I blurted out.
+
+Sandip smiled.  "Since Amulya is not here," he remarked, "I
+should think my turn had come for a special talk."
+
+My fate was coming back upon me.  How was Ito take away the right
+I myself had given.  "I would be alone," I repeated.
+
+"Queen," he said, "the presence of another person does not
+prevent your being alone.  Do not mistake me for one of the
+crowd.  I, Sandip, am always alone, even when surrounded by
+thousands."
+
+"Please come some other time.  This morning I am ..."
+
+"Waiting for Amulya?"
+
+I turned to leave the room for sheer vexation, when Sandip drew
+out from the folds of his cloak that jewel-casket of mine and
+banged it down on the marble table.  I was thoroughly startled.
+"Has not Amulya gone, then?"  I exclaimed.
+
+"Gone where?"
+
+"To Calcutta?"
+
+"No," chuckled Sandip.
+
+Ah, then my blessing had come true, in spite of all.  He was
+saved.  Let God's punishment fall on me, the thief, if only
+Amulya be safe.
+
+The change in my countenance roused Sandip's scorn.  "So pleased,
+Queen!"  sneered he.  "Are these jewels so very precious?  How
+then did you bring yourself to offer them to the Goddess?  Your
+gift was actually made.  Would you now take it back?"
+
+Pride dies hard and raises its fangs to the last.  It was clear
+to me I must show Sandip I did not care a rap about these jewels.
+"If they have excited your greed," I said, "you may have them."
+
+"My greed today embraces the wealth of all Bengal," replied
+Sandip.  "Is there a greater force than greed?  It is the steed
+of the great ones of the earth, as is the elephant, Airauat, the
+steed of Indra.  So then these jewels are mine?"
+
+As Sandip took up and replaced the casket under his cloak, Amulya
+rushed in.  There were dark rings under his eyes, his lips were
+dry, his hair tumbled: the freshness of his youth seemed to have
+withered in a single day.  Pangs gripped my heart as I looked on
+him.
+
+"My box!"  he cried, as he went straight up to Sandip without a
+glance at me.  "Have you taken that jewel-box from my trunk?"
+
+"Your jewel-box?"  mocked Sandip.
+
+"It was my trunk!"
+Sandip burst out into a laugh.  "Your distinctions between mine
+and yours are getting rather thin, Amulya," he cried.  "You will
+die a religious preacher yet, I see."
+
+Amulya sank on a chair with his face in his hands.  I went up to
+him and placing my hand on his head asked him: "What is your
+trouble, Amulya?"
+
+He stood straight up as he replied: "I had set my heart, Sister
+Rani, on returning your jewels to you with my own hand.  Sandip
+Babu knew this, but he forestalled me."
+
+"What do I care for my jewels?"  I said.  "Let them go.  No harm
+is done.
+
+"Go?  Where?"  asked the mystified boy.
+
+"The jewels are mine," said Sandip.  "Insignia bestowed on me by
+my Queen!"
+
+"No, no, no," broke out Amulya wildly.  "Never, Sister Rani!  I
+brought them back for you.  You shall not give them away to
+anybody else."
+
+"I accept your gift, my little brother," said I.  "But let him,
+who hankers after them, satisfy his greed."
+
+Amulya glared at Sandip like a beast of prey, as he growled:
+"Look here, Sandip Babu, you know that even hanging has no
+terrors for me.  If you dare take away that box of jewels ..."
+
+With an attempt at a sarcastic laugh Sandip said: "You also ought
+to know by this time, Amulya, that I am not the man to be afraid
+of you."
+
+"Queen Bee," he went on, turning to me, "I did not come here
+today to take these jewels, I came to give them to you.  You
+would have done wrong to take my gift at Amulya's hands.  In
+order to prevent it, I had first to make them clearly mine.  Now
+these my jewels are my gift to you.  Here they are!  Patch up any
+understanding with this boy you like.  I must go.  You have been
+at your special talks all these days together, leaving me out of
+them.  If special happenings now come to pass, don't blame me.
+
+"Amulya," he continued, "I have sent on your trunks and things to
+your lodgings.  Don't you be keeping any belongings of yours in
+my room any longer."  With this parting shot, Sandip flung out of
+the room.
+
+XIX
+
+
+
+"I have had no peace of mind, Amulya," I said to him, "ever since
+I sent you off to sell my jewels."
+
+"Why, Sister Rani?"
+
+"I was afraid lest you should get into trouble with them, lest
+they should suspect you for a thief.  I would rather go without
+that six thousand.  You must now do another thing for me--go home
+at once, home to your mother."
+
+Amulya produced a small bundle and said: "But, sister, I have got
+the six thousand."
+
+"Where from?"
+
+"I tried hard to get gold," he went on, without replying to my
+question, "but could not.  So I had to bring it in notes."
+
+"Tell me truly, Amulya, swear by me, where did you get this
+money?"
+
+"That I will not tell you."
+
+Everything seemed to grow dark before my eyes.  "What terrible
+thing have you done, Amulya?"  I cried.  "Is it then ..."
+
+"I know you will say I got this money wrongly.  Very well, I
+admit it.  But I have paid the full price for my wrong-doing.  So
+now the money is mine."
+
+I no longer had any desire to learn more about it.  My very
+blood-vessels contracted, making my whole body shrink within
+itself.
+
+"Take it away, Amulya," I implored.  "Put it back where you got
+it from."
+
+"That would be hard indeed!"
+
+"It is not hard, brother dear.  It was an evil moment when you
+first came to me.  Even Sandip has not been able to harm you as I
+have done."
+
+Sandip's name seemed to stab him.
+
+"Sandip!"  he cried.  "It was you alone who made me come to know
+that man for what he is.  Do you know, sister, he has not spent a
+pice out of those sovereigns he took from you?  He shut himself
+into his room, after he left you, and gloated over the gold,
+pouring it out in a heap on the floor.  'This is not money,' he
+exclaimed, 'but the petals of the divine lotus of power;
+crystallized strains of music from the pipes that play in the
+paradise of wealth!  I cannot find it in my heart to change them,
+for they seem longing to fulfil their destiny of adorning the
+neck of Beauty.  Amulya, my boy, don't you look at these with
+your fleshly eye, they are Lakshmi's smile, the gracious radiance
+of Indra's queen.  No, no, I can't give them up to that boor of a
+manager.  I am sure, Amulya, he was telling us lies.  The police
+haven't traced the man who sank that boat.  It's the manager who
+wants to make something out of it.  We must get those letters
+back from him.'
+
+"I asked him how we were to do this; he told me to use force or
+threats.  I offered to do so if he would return the gold.  That,
+he said, we could consider later.  I will not trouble you,
+sister, with all I did to frighten the man into giving up those
+letters and burn them--it is a long story.  That very night I
+came to Sandip and said: 'We are now safe.  Let me have the
+sovereigns to return them tomorrow to my sister, the Maharani.'
+But he cried, 'What infatuation is this of yours?  Your precious
+sister's skirt bids fair to hide the whole country from you.  Say
+__Bande Mataram__ and exorcize the evil spirit.'
+
+"You know, Sister Rani, the power of Sandip's magic.  The gold
+remained with him.  And I spent the whole dark night on the
+bathing-steps of the lake muttering __Bande Mataram__.
+
+"Then when you gave me your jewels to sell, I went again to
+Sandip.  I could see he was angry with me.  But he tried not to
+show it.  'If I still have them hoarded up in any box of mine you
+may take them,' said he, as he flung me his keys.  They were
+nowhere to be seen.  'Tell me where they are,' I said.  'I will
+do so,' he replied, 'when I find your infatuation has left you.
+Not now.'
+
+"When I found I could not move him, I had to employ other
+methods.  Then I tried to get the sovereigns from him in exchange
+for my currency notes for six thousand rupees.  'You shall have
+them,' he said, and disappeared into his bedroom, leaving me
+waiting outside.  There he broke open my trunk and came straight
+to you with your casket through some other passage.  He would not
+let me bring it, and now he dares call it his gift.  How can I
+tell how much he has deprived me of?  I shall never forgive him.
+
+"But, oh sister, his power over me has been utterly broken.  And
+it is you who have broken it!"
+
+"Brother dear," said I, "if that is so, then my life is
+justified.  But more remains to be done, Amulya.  It is not
+enough that the spell has been destroyed.  Its stains must be
+washed away.  Don't delay any longer, go at once and put back the
+money where you took it from.  Can you not do it, dear?"
+
+"With your blessing everything is possible, Sister Rani."
+
+"Remember, it will not be your expiation alone, but mine also.  I
+am a woman; the outside world is closed to me, else I would have
+gone myself.  My hardest punishment is that I must put on you the
+burden of my sin."
+
+"Don't say that, sister.  The path I was treading was not your
+path.  It attracted me because of its dangers and difficulties.
+Now that your path calls me, let it be a thousand times more
+difficult and dangerous, the dust of your feet will help me to
+win through.  Is it then your command that this money be
+replaced?"
+
+"Not my command, brother mine, but a command from above."
+
+"Of that I know nothing.  It is enough for me that this command
+from above comes from your lips.  And, sister, I thought I had an
+invitation here.  I must not lose that.  You must give me your
+__prasad__ [26] before I go.  Then, if I can possibly manage
+it, I will finish my duty in the evening."
+
+Tears came to my eyes when I tried to smile as I said: "So be
+it."
+
+------
+
+26. Food consecrated by the touch of a revered person.
+
+
+
+Chapter Eleven
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XX
+
+
+
+WITH Amulya's departure my heart sank within me.  On what
+perilous adventure had I sent this only son of his mother?  O
+God, why need my expiation have such pomp and circumstance?
+Could I not be allowed to suffer alone without inviting all this
+multitude to share my punishment?  Oh, let not this innocent
+child fall victim to Your wrath.
+
+I called him back--"Amulya!"
+
+My voice sounded so feebly, it failed to reach him.
+
+I went up to the door and called again: "Amulya!"
+
+He had gone.
+
+"Who is there?"
+
+"Rani Mother!"
+
+"Go and tell Amulya Babu that I want him."
+
+What exactly happened I could not make out--the man, perhaps, was
+not familiar with Amulya's name--but he returned almost at once
+followed by Sandip.
+
+"The very moment you sent me away," he said as he came in, "I had
+a presentiment that you would call me back.  The attraction of
+the same moon causes both ebb and flow.  I was so sure of being
+sent for, that I was actually waiting out in the passage.  As
+soon as I caught sight of your man, coming from your room, I
+said: 'Yes, yes, I am coming, I am coming at once!'--before he
+could utter a word.  That up-country lout was surprised, I can
+tell you!  He stared at me, open-mouthed, as if he thought I knew
+magic.
+
+"All the fights in the world, Queen Bee," Sandip rambled on, "are
+really fights between hypnotic forces.  Spell cast against spell
+--noiseless weapons which reach even invisible targets.  At last I
+have met in you my match.  Your quiver is full, I know, you
+artful warrior Queen!  You are the only one in the world who has
+been able to turn Sandip out and call Sandip back, at your sweet
+will.  Well, your quarry is at your feet.  What will you do with
+him now?  Will you give him the coup de grâce, or keep him in
+your cage?  Let me warn you beforehand, Queen, you will find the
+beast as difficult to kill outright as to keep in bondage.
+Anyway, why lose time in trying your magic weapons?"
+
+Sandip must have felt the shadow of approaching defeat, and this
+made him try to gain time by chattering away without waiting for
+a reply.  I believe he knew that I had sent the messenger for
+Amulya, whose name the man must have mentioned.  In spite of that
+he had deliberately played this trick.  He was now trying to
+avoid giving me any opening to tell him that it was Amulya I
+wanted, not him.  But his stratagem was futile, for I could see
+his weakness through it.  I must not yield up a pin's point of
+the ground I had gained.
+
+"Sandip Babu," I said, "I wonder how you can go on making these
+endless speeches, without a stop.  Do you get them up by heart,
+beforehand?"
+
+Sandip's face flushed instantly.
+
+"I have heard," I continued, "that our professional reciters keep
+a book full of all kinds of ready-made discourses, which can be
+fitted into any subject.  Have you also a book?"
+
+Sandip ground out his reply through his teeth.  "God has given
+you women a plentiful supply of coquetry to start with, and on
+the top of that you have the milliner and the jeweller to help
+you; but do not think we men are so helpless ..."
+
+"You had better go back and look up your book, Sandip Babu.  You
+are getting your words all wrong.  That's just the trouble with
+trying to repeat things by rote."
+
+"You!"  shouted Sandip, losing all control over himself.  "You to
+insult me thus!  What is there left of you that I do not know to
+the very bottom?  What ..."  He became speechless.
+
+Sandip, the wielder of magic spells, is reduced to utter
+powerlessness, whenever his spell refuses to work.  From a king
+he fell to the level of a boor.  Oh, the joy of witnessing his
+weakness!  The harsher he became in his rudeness, the more did
+this joy well up within me.  His snaky coils, with which he used
+to snare me, are exhausted--I am free.  I am saved, saved.  Be
+rude to me, insult me, for that shows you in your truth; but
+spare me your songs of praise, which were false.
+
+My husband came in at this juncture.  Sandip had not the
+elasticity to recover himself in a moment, as he used to do
+before.  My husband looked at him for a while in surprise.  Had
+this happened some days ago I should have felt ashamed.  But
+today I was pleased--whatever my husband might think.  I wanted
+to have it out to the finish with my weakening adversary.
+
+Finding us both silent and constrained, my husband hesitated a
+little, and then took a chair.  "Sandip," he said, "I have been
+looking for you, and was told you were here."
+
+"I am here," said Sandip with some emphasis.  "Queen Bee sent for
+me early this morning.  And I, the humble worker of the hive,
+left all else to attend her summons."
+
+"I am going to Calcutta tomorrow.  You will come with me.
+
+"And why, pray?  Do you take me for one of your retinue?"
+
+"Oh, very well, take it that you are going to Calcutta, and that
+I am your follower."
+
+"I have no business there."
+
+"All the more reason for going.  You have too much business
+here."
+
+"I don't propose to stir."
+
+"Then I propose to shift you."
+
+"Forcibly?"
+
+"Forcibly."
+
+"Very well, then, I will make a move.  But the world is not
+divided between Calcutta and your estates.  There are other
+places on the map."
+
+"From the way you have been going on, one would hardly have
+thought that there was any other place in the world except my
+estates."
+
+Sandip stood up.  "It does happen at times," he said, "that a
+man's whole world is reduced to a single spot.  I have realized
+my universe in this sitting-room of yours, that is why I have
+been a fixture here."
+
+Then he turned to me.  "None but you, Queen Bee," he said, "will
+understand my words--perhaps not even you.  I salute you.  With
+worship in my heart I leave you.  My watchword has changed since
+you have come across my vision.  It is no longer __Bande
+Mataram__ (Hail Mother), but Hail Beloved, Hail Enchantress.
+The mother protects, the mistress leads to destruction--but sweet
+is that destruction.  You have made the anklet sounds of the
+dance of death tinkle in my heart.  You have changed for me, your
+devotee, the picture I had of this Bengal of ours--'the soft
+breeze-cooled land of pure water and sweet fruit.' [27] You have
+no pity, my beloved.  You have come to me with your poison cup
+and I shall drain it, either to die in agony or live triumphing
+over death.
+
+"Yes," he continued.  "The mother's day is past.  O love, my
+love, you have made as naught for me the truth and right and
+heaven itself.  All duties have become as shadows: all rules and
+restraints have snapped their bonds.  O love, my love, I could
+set fire to all the world outside this land on which you have set
+your dainty feet, and dance in mad revel over the ashes ...
+These are mild men.  These are good men.  They would do good to
+all--as if this all were a reality!  No, no!  There is no reality
+in the world save this one real love of mine.  I do you
+reverence.  My devotion to you has made me cruel; my worship of
+you has lighted the raging flame of destruction within me.  I am
+not righteous.  I have no beliefs, I only believe in her whom,
+above all else in the world, I have been able to realize."
+
+Wonderful!  It was wonderful, indeed.  Only a minute ago I had
+despised this man with all my heart.  But what I had thought to
+be dead ashes now glowed with living fire.  The fire in him is
+true, that is beyond doubt.  Oh why has God made man such a mixed
+creature?  Was it only to show his supernatural sleight of hand?
+Only a few minutes ago I had thought that Sandip, whom I had once
+taken to be a hero, was only the stage hero of melodrama.  But
+that is not so, not so.  Even behind the trappings of the
+theatre, a true hero may sometimes be lurking.
+
+There is much in Sandip that is coarse, that is sensuous, that is
+false, much that is overlaid with layer after layer of fleshly
+covering.  Yet--yet it is best to confess that there is a great
+deal in the depths of him which we do not, cannot understand--
+much in ourselves too.  A wonderful thing is man.  What great
+mysterious purpose he is working out only the Terrible One [28]
+knows--meanwhile we groan under the brunt of it.  Shiva is the
+Lord of Chaos.  He is all Joy.  He will destroy our bonds.
+
+I cannot but feel, again and again, that there are two persons in
+me.  One recoils from Sandip in his terrible aspect of Chaos--the
+other feels that very vision to be sweetly alluring.  The sinking
+ship drags down all who are swimming round it.  Sandip is just
+such a force of destruction.  His immense attraction gets hold of
+one before fear can come to the rescue, and then, in the
+twinkling of an eye, one is drawn away, irresistibly, from all
+light, all good, all freedom of the sky, all air that can be
+breathed--from lifelong accumulations, from everyday cares--right
+to the bottom of dissolution.
+
+From some realm of calamity has Sandip come as its messenger; and
+as he stalks the land, muttering unholy incantations, to him
+flock all the boys and youths.  The mother, seated in the lotus-
+heart of the Country, is wailing her heart out; for they have
+broken open her store-room, there to hold their drunken revelry.
+Her vintage of the draught for the immortals they would pour out
+on the dust; her time-honoured vessels they would smash to
+pieces.  True, I feel with her; but, at the same time, I cannot
+help being infected with their excitement.
+
+Truth itself has sent us this temptation to test our trustiness
+in upholding its commandments.  Intoxication masquerades in
+heavenly garb, and dances before the pilgrims saying: "Fools you
+are that pursue the fruitless path of renunciation.  Its way is
+long, its time passing slow.  So the Wielder of the Thunderbolt
+has sent me to you.  Behold, I the beautiful, the passionate, I
+will accept you--in my embrace you shall find fulfilment."
+
+After a pause Sandip addressed me again: "Goddess, the time has
+come for me to leave you.  It is well.  The work of your nearness
+has been done.  By lingering longer it would only become undone
+again, little by little.  All is lost, if in our greed we try to
+cheapen that which is the greatest thing on earth.  That which is
+eternal within the moment only becomes shallow if spread out in
+time.  We were about to spoil our infinite moment, when it was
+your uplifted thunderbolt which came to the rescue.  You
+intervened to save the purity of your own worship--and in so
+doing you also saved your worshipper.  In my leave-taking today
+your worship stands out the biggest thing.  Goddess, I, also, set
+you free today.  My earthen temple could hold you no longer--
+every moment it was on the point of breaking apart.  Today I
+depart to worship your larger image in a larger temple.  I can
+gain you more truly only at a distance from yourself.  Here I had
+only your favour, there I shall be vouchsafed your boon."
+
+My jewel-casket was lying on the table.  I held it up aloft as I
+said: "I charge you to convey these my jewels to the object of my
+worship--to whom I have dedicated them through you."
+
+My husband remained silent.  Sandip left the room.
+
+------
+
+27. Quotation from the National song--__Bande Mataram__.
+
+28. Rudra, the Terrible, a name of Shiva.  [Trans.].
+
+XXI
+
+
+
+I had just sat down to make some cakes for Amulya when the Bara
+Rani came upon the scene.  "Oh dear," she exclaimed, "has it come
+to this that you must make cakes for your own birthday?"
+
+"Is there no one else for whom I could be making them?"  I asked.
+
+"But this is not the day when you should think of feasting
+others.  It is for us to feast you.  I was just thinking of
+making something up [29] when I heard the staggering news which
+completely upset me.  A gang of five or six hundred men, they
+say, has raided one of our treasuries and made off with six
+thousand rupees.  Our house will be looted next, they expect."
+
+I felt greatly relieved.  So it was our own money after all.  I
+wanted to send for Amulya at once and tell him that he need only
+hand over those notes to my husband and leave the explanations to
+me.
+
+"You are a wonderful creature!"  my sister-in-law broke out, at
+the change in my countenance.  "Have you then really no such
+thing as fear?"
+
+"I cannot believe it," I said.  "Why should they loot our house?"
+
+"Not believe it, indeed!  Who could have believed that they would
+attack our treasury, either?"
+
+I made no reply, but bent over my cakes, putting in the cocoa-nut
+stuffing.
+
+"Well, I'm off," said the Bara Rani after a prolonged stare at
+me.  "I must see Brother Nikhil and get something done about
+sending off my money to Calcutta, before it's too late."
+
+She was no sooner gone than I left the cakes to take care of
+themselves and rushed to my dressing-room, shutting myself
+inside.  My husband's tunic with the keys in its pocket was still
+hanging there--so forgetful was he.  I took the key of the iron
+safe off the ring and kept it by me, hidden in the folds of my
+dress.
+
+Then there came a knocking at the door.  "I am dressing," I
+called out.  I could hear the Bara Rani saying: "Only a minute
+ago I saw her making cakes and now she is busy dressing up.  What
+next, I wonder!  One of their __Bande Mataram__ meetings is
+on, I suppose.  I say, Robber Queen," she called out to me, "are
+you taking stock of your loot?"
+
+When they went away I hardly know what made me open the safe.
+Perhaps there was a lurking hope that it might all be a dream.
+What if, on pulling out the inside drawer, I should find the
+rolls of gold there, just as before?  ...  Alas, everything was
+empty as the trust which had been betrayed.
+
+I had to go through the farce of dressing.  I had to do my hair
+up all over again, quite unnecessarily.  When I came out my
+sister-in-law railed at me: "How many times are you going to
+dress today?"
+
+"My birthday!"  I said.
+
+"Oh, any pretext seems good enough," she went on.  "Many vain
+people have I seen in my day, but you beat them all hollow."
+
+I was about to summon a servant to send after Amulya, when one of
+the men came up with a little note, which he handed to me.  It
+was from Amulya.  "Sister," he wrote, "you invited me this
+afternoon, but I thought I should not wait.  Let me first execute
+your bidding and then come for my __prasad__.  I may be a
+little late."
+
+To whom could he be going to return that money?  into what fresh
+entanglement was the poor boy rushing?  O miserable woman, you
+can only send him off like an arrow, but not recall him if you
+miss your aim.
+
+I should have declared at once that I was at the bottom of this
+robbery.  But women live on the trust of their surroundings--this
+is their whole world.  If once it is out that this trust has been
+secretly betrayed, their place in their world is lost.  They have
+then to stand upon the fragments of the thing they have broken,
+and its jagged edges keep on wounding them at every turn.  To sin
+is easy enough, but to make up for it is above all difficult for
+a woman.
+
+For some time past all easy approaches for communion with my
+husband have been closed to me.  How then could I burst on him
+with this stupendous news?  He was very late in coming for his
+meal today--nearly two o'clock.  He was absent-minded and hardly
+touched any food.  I had lost even the right to press him to take
+a little more.  I had to avert my face to wipe away my tears.
+
+I wanted so badly to say to him: "Do come into our room and rest
+awhile; you look so tired."  I had just cleared my throat with a
+little cough, when a servant hurried in to say that the Police
+Inspector had brought Panchu up to the palace.  My husband, with
+the shadow on his face deepened, left his meal unfinished and
+went out.
+
+A little later the Bara Rani appeared.  "Why did you not send me
+word when Brother Nikhil came in?"  she complained.  "As he was
+late I thought I might as well finish my bath in the meantime.
+However did he manage to get through his meal so soon?"
+
+"Why, did you want him for anything?"
+
+"What is this about both of you going off to Calcutta tomorrow?
+All I can say is, I am not going to be left here alone.  I should
+get startled out of my life at every sound, with all these
+dacoits about.  Is it quite settled about your going tomorrow?"
+
+"Yes," said I, though I had only just now heard it; and though,
+moreover, I was not at all sure that before tomorrow our history
+might not take such a turn as to make it all one whether we went
+or stayed.  After that, what our home, our life would be like,
+was utterly beyond my ken--it seemed so misty and phantom-like.
+
+In a very few hours now my unseen fate would become visible.  Was
+there no one who could keep on postponing the flight of these
+hours, from day to day, and so make them long enough for me to
+set things right, so far as lay in my power?  The time during
+which the seed lies underground is long--so long indeed that one
+forgets that there is any danger of its sprouting.  But once its
+shoot shows up above the surface, it grows and grows so fast,
+there is no time to cover it up, neither with skirt, nor body,
+nor even life itself.
+
+I will try to think of it no more, but sit quiet--passive and
+callous--let the crash come when it may.  By the day after
+tomorrow all will be over--publicity, laughter, bewailing,
+questions, explanations--everything.
+
+But I cannot forget the face of Amulya--beautiful, radiant with
+devotion.  He did not wait, despairing, for the blow of fate to
+fall, but rushed into the thick of danger.  In my misery I do him
+reverence.  He is my boy-god.  Under the pretext of his
+playfulness he took from me the weight of my burden.  He would
+save me by taking the punishment meant for me on his own head.
+But how am Ito bear this terrible mercy of my God?
+
+Oh, my child, my child, I do you reverence.  Little brother mine,
+I do you reverence.  Pure are you, beautiful are you, I do you
+reverence.  May you come to my arms, in the next birth, as my own
+child--that is my prayer.
+
+------
+
+29. Any dainties to be offered ceremonially should be made by the
+lady of the house herself.  [Trans.].
+
+XXII
+
+
+
+Rumour became busy on every side.  The police were continually in
+and out.  The servants of the house were in a great flurry.
+
+Khema, my maid, came up to me and said: "Oh, Rani Mother! for
+goodness" sake put away my gold necklace and armlets in your iron
+safe."  To whom was I to explain that the Rani herself had been
+weaving all this network of trouble, and had got caught in it,
+too?  I had to play the benign protector and take charge of
+Khema's ornaments and Thako's savings.  The milk-woman, in her
+turn, brought along and kept in my room a box in which were a
+Benares __sari__ and some other of her valued possessions.  "I
+got these at your wedding," she told me.
+
+When, tomorrow, my iron safe will be opened in the presence of
+these--Khema, Thako, the milk-woman and all the rest ...  Let me
+not think of it!  Let me rather try to think what it will be like
+when this third day of Magh comes round again after a year has
+passed.  Will all the wounds of my home life then be still as
+fresh as ever?  ...
+
+Amulya writes that he will come later in the evening.  I cannot
+remain alone with my thoughts, doing nothing.  So I sit down
+again to make cakes for him.  I have finished making quite a
+quantity, but still I must go on.  Who will eat them?  I shall
+distribute them amongst the servants.  I must do so this very
+night.  Tonight is my limit.  Tomorrow will not be in my hands.
+
+I went on untiringly, frying cake after cake.  Every now and then
+it seemed to me that there was some noise in the direction of my
+rooms, upstairs.  Could it be that my husband had missed the key
+of the safe, and the Bara Rani had assembled all the servants to
+help him to hunt for it?  No, I must not pay heed to these
+sounds.  Let me shut the door.
+
+I rose to do so, when Thako came panting in: "Rani Mother, oh,
+Rani Mother!"
+
+"Oh get away!"  I snapped out, cutting her short.  "Don't come
+bothering me."
+
+"The Bara Rani Mother wants you," she went on.  "Her nephew has
+brought such a wonderful machine from Calcutta.  It talks like a
+man.  Do come and hear it!"
+
+I did not know whether to laugh or to cry.  So, of all things, a
+gramophone needs must come on the scene at such a time, repeating
+at every winding the nasal twang of its theatrical songs!  What a
+fearsome thing results when a machine apes a man.
+
+The shades of evening began to fall.  I knew that Amulya would
+not delay to announce himself--yet I could not wait.  I summone
+d a servant and said: "Go and tell Amulya Babu to come straight
+in here."  The man came back after a while to say that Amulya was
+not in--he had not come back since he had gone.
+
+"Gone!"  The last word struck my ears like a wail in the
+gathering darkness.  Amulya gone!  Had he then come like a streak
+of light from the setting sun, only to be gone for ever?  All
+kinds of possible and impossible dangers flitted through my mind.
+It was I who had sent him to his death.  What if he was fearless?
+That only showed his own greatness of heart.  But after this how
+was Ito go on living all by myself?
+
+I had no memento of Amulya save that pistol--his reverence-
+offering.  It seemed to me that this was a sign given by
+Providence.  This guilt which had contaminated my life at its
+very root--my God in the form of a child had left with me the
+means of wiping it away, and then vanished.  Oh the loving gift--
+the saving grave that lay hidden within it!
+
+I opened my box and took out the pistol, lifting it reverently to
+my forehead.  At that moment the gongs clanged out from the
+temple attached to our house.  I prostrated myself in salutation.
+
+In the evening I feasted the whole household with my cakes.  "You
+have managed a wonderful birthday feast--and all by yourself
+too!"  exclaimed my sister-in-law.  "But you must leave something
+for us to do."  With this she turned on her gramophone and let
+loose the shrill treble of the Calcutta actresses all over the
+place.  It seemed like a stable full of neighing fillies.
+
+It got quite late before the feasting was over.  I had a sudden
+longing to end my birthday celebration by taking the dust of my
+husband's feet.  I went up to the bedroom and found him fast
+asleep.  He had had such a worrying, trying day.  I raised the
+edge of the mosquito curtain very very gently, and laid my head
+near his feet.  My hair must have touched him, for he moved his
+legs in his sleep and pushed my head away.
+
+I then went out and sat in the west verandah.  A silk-cotton
+tree, which had shed all its leaves, stood there in the distance,
+like a skeleton.  Behind it the crescent moon was setting.  All
+of a sudden I had the feeling that the very stars in the sky were
+afraid of me--that the whole of the night world was looking
+askance at me.  Why?  Because I was alone.
+
+There is nothing so strange in creation as the man who is alone.
+Even he whose near ones have all died, one by one, is not alone--
+companionship comes for him from behind the screen of death.  But
+he, whose kin are there, yet no longer near, who has dropped out
+of all the varied companionship of a full home--the starry
+universe itself seems to bristle to look on him in his darkness.
+
+Where I am, I am not.  I am far away from those who are around
+me.  I live and move upon a world-wide chasm of separation,
+unstable as the dew-drop upon the lotus leaf.
+
+Why do not men change wholly when they change?  When I look into
+my heart, I find everything that was there, still there--only
+they are topsy-turvy.  Things that were well-ordered have become
+jumbled up.  The gems that were strung into a necklace are now
+rolling in the dust.  And so my heart is breaking.
+
+I feel I want to die.  Yet in my heart everything still lives--
+nor even in death can I see the end of it all: rather, in death
+there seems to be ever so much more of repining.  What is to be
+ended must be ended in this life--there is no other way out.
+
+Oh forgive me just once, only this time, Lord!  All that you gave
+into my hands as the wealth of my life, I have made into my
+burden.  I can neither bear it longer, nor give it up.  O Lord,
+sound once again those flute strains which you played for me,
+long ago, standing at the rosy edge of my morning sky--and let
+all my complexities become simple and easy.  Nothing save the
+music of your flute can make whole that which has been broken,
+and pure that which has been sullied.  Create my home anew with
+your music.  No other way can I see.
+
+I threw myself prone on the ground and sobbed aloud.  It was for
+mercy that I prayed--some little mercy from somewhere, some
+shelter, some sign of forgiveness, some hope that might bring
+about the end.  "Lord," I vowed to myself, "I will lie here,
+waiting and waiting, touching neither food nor drink, so long as
+your blessing does not reach me."
+
+I heard the sound of footsteps.  Who says that the gods do not
+show themselves to mortal men?  I did not raise my face to look
+up, lest the sight of it should break the spell.  Come, oh come,
+come and let your feet touch my head.  Come, Lord, and set your
+foot upon my throbbing heart, and at that moment let me die.
+
+He came and sat near my head.  Who?  My husband!  At the first
+touch of his presence I felt that I should swoon.  And then the
+pain at my heart burst its way out in an overwhelming flood of
+tears, tearing through all my obstructing veins and nerves.  I
+strained his feet to my bosom--oh, why could not their impress
+remain there for ever?
+
+He tenderly stroked my head.  I received his blessing.  Now I
+shall be able to take up the penalty of public humiliation which
+will be mine tomorrow, and offer it, in all sincerity, at the
+feet of my God.
+
+But what keeps crushing my heart is the thought that the festive
+flutes which were played at my wedding, nine years ago, welcoming
+me to this house, will never sound for me again in this life.
+What rigour of penance is there which can serve to bring me once
+more, as a bride adorned for her husband, to my place upon that
+same bridal seat?  How many years, how many ages, aeons, must
+pass before I can find my way back to that day of nine years ago?
+
+God can create new things, but has even He the power to create
+afresh that which has been destroyed?
+
+
+
+Chapter Twelve
+
+Nikhil's Story
+
+XV
+
+
+
+TODAY we are going to Calcutta.  Our joys and sorrows lie heavy
+on us if we merely go on accumulating them.  Keeping them and
+accumulating them alike are false.  As master of the house I am
+in an artificial position--in reality I am a wayfarer on the path
+of life.  That is why the true Master of the House gets hurt at
+every step and at last there comes the supreme hurt of death.
+
+My union with you, my love, was only of the wayside; it was well
+enough so long as we followed the same road; it will only hamper
+us if we try to preserve it further.  We are now leaving its
+bonds behind.  We are started on our journey beyond, and it will
+be enough if we can throw each other a glance, or feel the touch
+of each other's hands in passing.  After that?  After that there
+is the larger world-path, the endless current of universal life.
+
+How little can you deprive me of, my love, after all?  Whenever I
+set my ear to it, I can hear the flute which is playing, its
+fountain of melody gushing forth from the flute-stops of
+separation.  The immortal draught of the goddess is never
+exhausted.  She sometimes breaks the bowl from which we drink it,
+only to smile at seeing us so disconsolate over the trifling
+loss.  I will not stop to pick up my broken bowl.  I will march
+forward, albeit with unsatisfied heart.
+
+The Bara Rani came and asked me: "What is the meaning, brother,
+of all these books being packed up and sent off in box-loads?"
+
+"It only means," I replied, "that I have not yet been able to get
+over my fondness for them."
+
+"I only wish you would keep your fondness for some other things
+as well!  Do you mean you are never coming back home?"
+
+"I shall be coming and going, but shall not immure myself here
+any more."
+
+"Oh indeed!  Then just come along to my room and see how many
+things __I__ have been unable to shake off __my__ fondness
+for."  With this she took me by the hand and marched me off.
+
+In my sister-in-law's rooms I found numberless boxes and bundles
+ready packed.  She opened one of the boxes and said: "See,
+brother, look at all my __pan__-making things.  In this bottle
+I have catechu powder scented with the pollen of screw-pine
+blossoms.  These little tin boxes are all for different kinds of
+spices.  I have not forgotten my playing cards and draught-board
+either.  If you two are over-busy, I shall manage to make other
+friends there, who will give me a game.  Do you remember this
+comb?  It was one of the __Swadeshi__ combs you brought for
+me..."
+
+"But what is all this for, Sister Rani?  Why have you been
+packing up all these things?"
+
+"Do you think I am not going with you?"
+
+"What an extraordinary idea!"
+
+"Don't you be afraid!  I am not going there to flirt with you,
+nor to quarrel with the Chota Rani!  One must die sooner or
+later, and it is just as well to be on the bank of the holy
+Ganges before it is too late.  It is too horrible to think of
+being cremated in your wretched burning-ground here, under that
+stumpy banian tree--that is why I have been refusing to die, and
+have plagued you all this time."
+
+At last I could hear the true voice of home.  The Bara Rani came
+into our house as its bride, when I was only six years old.  We
+have played together, through the drowsy afternoons, in a corner
+of the roof-terrace.  I have thrown down to her green amras from
+the tree-top, to be made into deliciously indigestible chutnies
+by slicing them up with mustard, salt and fragrant herbs.  It was
+my part to gather for her all the forbidden things from the
+store-room to be used in the marriage celebration of her doll;
+for, in the penal code of my grandmother, I alone was exempt from
+punishment.  And I used to be appointed her messenger to my
+brother, whenever she wanted to coax something special out of
+him, because he could not resist my importunity.  I also remember
+how, when I suffered under the rigorous régime of the doctors of
+those days--who would not allow anything except warm water and
+sugared cardamom seeds during feverish attacks--my sister-in-law
+could not bear my privation and used to bring me delicacies on
+the sly.  What a scolding she got one day when she was caught!
+
+And then, as we grew up, our mutual joys and sorrows took on
+deeper tones of intimacy.  How we quarrelled!  Sometimes
+conflicts of worldly interests roused suspicions and jealousies,
+making breaches in our love; and when the Chota Rani came in
+between us, these breaches seemed as if they would never be
+mended, but it always turned out that the healing forces at
+bottom proved more powerful than the wounds on the surface.
+
+So has a true relationship grown up between us, from our
+childhood up till now, and its branching foliage has spread and
+broadened over every room and verandah and terrace of this great
+house.  When I saw the Bara Rani make ready, with all her
+belongings, to depart from this house of ours, all the ties that
+bound us, to their wide-spreading ends, felt the shock.
+
+The reason was clear to me, why she had made up her mind to drift
+away towards the unknown, cutting asunder all her lifelong bonds
+of daily habit, and of the house itself, which she had never left
+for a day since she first entered it at the age of nine.  And yet
+it was this real reason which she could not allow to escape her
+lips, preferring rather to put forward any other paltry excuse.
+
+She had only this one relationship left in all the world, and the
+poor, unfortunate, widowed and childless woman had cherished it
+with all the tenderness hoarded in her heart.  How deeply she had
+felt our proposed separation I never realized so keenly as when I
+stood amongst her scattered boxes and bundles.
+
+I could see at once that the little differences she used to have
+with Bimala, about money matters, did not proceed from any sordid
+worldliness, but because she felt that her claims in regard to
+this one relationship of her life had been overridden and its
+ties weakened for her by the coming in between of this other
+woman from goodness knows where!  She had been hurt at every turn
+and yet had not the right to complain.
+
+And Bimala?  She also had felt that the Senior Rani's claim over
+me was not based merely on our social connection, but went much
+deeper; and she was jealous of these ties between us, reaching
+back to our childhood.
+
+Today my heart knocked heavily against the doors of my breast.  I
+sank down upon one of the boxes as I said: "How I should love,
+Sister Rani, to go back to the days when we first met in this old
+house of ours."
+
+"No, brother dear," she replied with a sigh, "I would not live my
+life again--not as a woman!  Let what I have had to bear end with
+this one birth.  I could not bear it over again."
+
+I said to her: "The freedom to which we pass through sorrow is
+greater than the sorrow."
+
+"That may be so for you men.  Freedom is for you.  But we women
+would keep others bound.  We would rather be put into bondage
+ourselves.  No, no, brother, you will never get free from our
+toils.  If you needs must spread your wings, you will have to
+take us with you; we refuse to be left behind.  That is why I
+have gathered together all this weight of luggage.  It would
+never do to allow men to run too light."
+
+"I can feel the weight of your words," I said laughing, "and if
+we men do not complain of your burdens, it is because women pay
+us so handsomely for what they make us carry."
+
+"You carry it," she said, "because it is made up of many small
+things.  Whichever one you think of rejecting pleads that it is
+so light.  And so with much lightness we weigh you down ...  When
+do we start?"
+
+"The train leaves at half past eleven tonight.  There will be
+lots of time."
+
+"Look here, do be good for once and listen to just one word of
+mine.  Take a good nap this afternoon.  You know you never get
+any sleep in the train.  You look so pulled down, you might go to
+pieces any moment.  Come along, get through your bath first."
+
+As we went towards my room, Khema, the maid, came up and with an
+ultra-modest pull at her veil told us, in deprecatingly low
+tones, that the Police Inspector had arrived with a prisoner and
+wanted to see the Maharaja.
+
+"Is the Maharaja a thief, or a robber," the Bara Rani flared up,
+"that he should be set upon so by the police?  Go and tell the
+Inspector that the Maharaja is at his bath."
+
+"Let me just go and see what is the matter," I pleaded.  "It may
+be something urgent."
+
+"No, no," my sister-in-law insisted.  "Our Chota Rani was making
+a heap of cakes last night.  I'll send some to the Inspector, to
+keep him quiet till you're ready."  With this she pushed me into
+my room and shut the door on me.
+
+I had not the power to resist such tyranny--so rare is it in this
+world.  Let the Inspector while away the time eating cakes.  What
+if business is a bit neglected?
+
+The police had been in great form these last few days arresting
+now this one, now that.  Each day some innocent person or other
+would be brought along to enliven the assembly in my office-room.
+One more such unfortunate, I supposed, must have been brought in
+that day.  But why should the Inspector alone be regaled with
+cakes?  That would not do at all.  I thumped vigorously on the
+door.
+
+"If you are going mad, be quick and pour some water over your
+head--that will keep you cool," said my sister-in-law from the
+passage.
+
+"Send down cakes for two," I shouted.  "The person who has been
+brought in as the thief probably deserves them better.  Tell the
+man to give him a good big helping."
+
+I hurried through my bath.  When I came out, I found Bimal
+sitting on the floor outside.  [30] Could this be my Bimal of
+old, my proud, sensitive Bimal?
+
+What favour could she be wanting to beg, seated like this at my
+door?
+
+As I stopped short, she stood up and said gently with downcast
+eyes: "I would have a word with you."
+
+"Come inside then," I said.
+
+"But are you going out on any particular business?"
+
+"I was, but let that be.  I want to hear ..."
+
+"No, finish your business first.  We will have our talk after you
+have had your dinner."
+
+I went off to my sitting-room, to find the Police Inspector's
+plate quite empty.  The person he had brought with him, however,
+was still busy eating.
+
+"Hullo!"  I ejaculated in surprise.  "You, Amulya?"
+
+"It is I, sir," said Amulya with his mouth full of cake.  "I've
+had quite a feast.  And if you don't mind, I'll take the rest
+with me."  With this he proceeded to tie up the remaining cakes
+in his handkerchief.
+
+"What does this mean?"  I asked, staring at the Inspector.
+
+The man laughed.  "We are no nearer, sir," he said, "to solving
+the problem of the thief: meanwhile the mystery of the theft
+deepens."  He then produced something tied up in a rag, which
+when untied disclosed a bundle of currency notes.  "This,
+Maharaja," said the Inspector, "is your six thousand rupees!"
+
+"Where was it found?"
+
+"In Amulya Babu's hands.  He went last evening to the manager of
+your Chakna sub-office to tell him that the money had been found.
+The manager seemed to be in a greater state of trepidation at the
+recovery than he had been at the robbery.  He was afraid he would
+be suspected of having made away with the notes and of now making
+up a cock-and-bull story for fear of being found out.  He asked
+Amulya to wait, on the pretext of getting him some refreshment,
+and came straight over to the Police Office.  I rode off at once,
+kept Amulya with me, and have been busy with him the whole
+morning.  He refuses to tell us where he got the money from.  I
+warned him he would be kept under restraint till he did so.  In
+that case, he informed me he would have to lie.  Very well, I
+said, he might do so if he pleased.  Then he stated that he had
+found the money under a bush.  I pointed out to him that it was
+not quite so easy to lie as all that.  Under what bush?  Where
+was the place?  Why was he there?--All this would have to be
+stated as well.  'Don't you worry,' he said, 'there is plenty of
+time to invent all that.'"
+
+"But, Inspector," I said, "why are you badgering a respectable
+young gentleman like Amulya Babu?"
+
+"I have no desire to harass him," said the Inspector.  "He is not
+only a gentleman, but the son of Nibaran Babu, my school-fellow.
+Let me tell you, Maharaja, exactly what must have happened.
+Amulya knows the thief, but wants to shield him by drawing
+suspicion on himself.  That is just the sort of bravado he loves
+to indulge in."  The Inspector turned to Amulya.  "Look here,
+young man," he continued, "I also was eighteen once upon a time,
+and a student in the Ripon College.  I nearly got into gaol
+trying to rescue a hack driver from a police constable.  It was a
+near shave."  Then he turned again to me and said: "Maharaja, the
+real thief will now probably escape, but I think I can tell you
+who is at the bottom of it all."
+
+"Who is it, then?"  I asked.
+
+"The manager, in collusion with the guard, Kasim."
+
+When the Inspector, having argued out his theory to his own
+satisfaction, at last departed, I said to Amulya: "If you will
+tell me who took the money, I promise you no one shall be hurt."
+
+"I did," said he.
+
+"But how can that be?  What about the gang of armed men?..."
+
+"It was I, by myself, alone!"
+
+What Amulya then told me was indeed extraordinary.  The manager
+had just finished his supper and was on the verandah rinsing out
+his mouth.  The place was somewhat dark.  Amulya had a revolver
+in each pocket, one loaded with blank cartridges, the other with
+ball.  He had a mask over his face.  He flashed a bull's-eye
+lantern in the manager's face and fired a blank shot.  The man
+swooned away.  Some of the guards, who were off duty, came
+running up, but when Amulya fired another blank shot at them they
+lost no time in taking cover.  Then Kasim, who was on duty, came
+up whirling a quarterstaff.  This time Amulya aimed a bullet at
+his legs, and finding himself hit, Kasim collapsed on the floor.
+Amulya then made the trembling manager, who had come to his
+senses, open the safe and deliver up six thousand rupees.
+Finally, he took one of the estate horses and galloped off a few
+miles, there let the animal loose, and quietly walked up here, to
+our place.
+
+"What made you do all this, Amulya?"  I asked.
+
+"There was a grave reason, Maharaja," he replied.
+
+"But why, then, did you try to return the money?"
+
+"Let her come, at whose command I did so.  In her presence I
+shall make a clean breast of it."
+
+"And who may 'she' be?"
+
+"My sister, the Chota Rani!"
+
+I sent for Bimala.  She came hesitatingly, barefoot, with a white
+shawl over her head.  I had never seen my Bimal like this before.
+She seemed to have wrapped herself in a morning light.
+
+Amulya prostrated himself in salutation and took the dust of her
+feet.  Then, as he rose, he said: "Your command has been
+executed, sister.  The money is returned."
+
+"You have saved me, my little brother," said Bimal.
+
+"With your image in my mind, I have not uttered a single lie,"
+Amulya continued.  "My watchword __Bande Mataram__ has been
+cast away at your feet for good.  I have also received my reward,
+your __prasad__, as soon as I came to the palace."
+
+Bimal looked at him blankly, unable to follow his last words.
+Amulya brought out his handkerchief, and untying it showed her
+the cakes put away inside.  "I did not eat them all," he said.
+"I have kept these to eat after you have helped me with your own
+hands."
+
+I could see that I was not wanted here.  I went out of the room.
+I could only preach and preach, so I mused, and get my effigy
+burnt for my pains.  I had not yet been able to bring back a
+single soul from the path of death.  They who have the power, can
+do so by a mere sign.  My words have not that ineffable meaning.
+I am not a flame, only a black coal, which has gone out.  I can
+light no lamp.  That is what the story of my life shows--my row
+of lamps has remained unlit.
+
+------
+
+30. Sitting on the bare floor is a sign of mourning, and so, by
+association of ideas, of an abject attitude of mind.  [Trans.].
+
+XVI
+
+
+
+I returned slowly towards the inner apartments.  The Bara Rani's
+room must have been drawing me again.  It had become an absolute
+necessity for me, that day, to feel that this life of mine had
+been able to strike some real, some responsive chord in some
+other harp of life.  One cannot realize one's own existence by
+remaining within oneself--it has to be sought outside.
+
+As I passed in front of my sister-in-law's room, she came out
+saying: "I was afraid you would be late again this afternoon.
+However.  I ordered your dinner as soon as I heard you coming.
+It will be served in a minute."
+
+"Meanwhile," I said; "let me take out that money of yours and
+have it kept ready to take with us."
+
+As we walked on towards my room she asked me if the Police
+Inspector had made any report about the robbery.  I somehow did
+not feel inclined to tell her all the details of how that six
+thousand had come back.  "That's just what all the fuss is
+about," I said evasively.
+
+When I went into my dressing-room and took out my bunch of keys,
+I did not find the key of the iron safe on the ring.  What an
+absurdly absent-minded fellow I was, to be sure!  Only this
+morning I had been opening so many boxes and things, and never
+noticed that this key was not there.
+
+"What has happened to your key?"  she asked me.
+
+I went on fumbling in this pocket and that, but could give her no
+answer.  I hunted in the same place over and over again.  It
+dawned on both of us that it could not be a case of the key being
+mislaid.  Someone must have taken it off the ring.  Who could it
+be?  Who else could have come into this room?
+
+"Don't you worry about it," she said to me.  "Get through your
+dinner first.  The Chota Rani must have kept it herself, seeing
+how absent-minded you are getting."
+
+I was, however, greatly disturbed.  It was never Bimal's habit to
+take any key of mine without telling me about it.  Bimal was not
+present at my meal-time that day: she was busy feasting Amulya in
+her own room.  My sister-in-law wanted to send for her, but I
+asked her not to do so.
+
+I had just finished my dinner when Bimal came in.  I would have
+preferred not to discuss the matter of the key in the Bara Rani's
+presence, but as soon as she saw Bimal, she asked her: "Do you
+know, dear, where the key of the safe is?"
+
+"I have it," was the reply.
+
+"Didn't I say so!"  exclaimed my sister-in-law triumphantly.
+"Our Chota Rani pretends not to care about these robberies, but
+she takes precautions on the sly, all the same."
+
+The look on Bimal's face made my mind misgive me.  "Let the key
+be, now," I said.  "I will take out that money in the evening."
+
+"There you go again, putting it off," said the Bara Rani.  "Why
+not take it out and send it to the treasury while you have it in
+mind?"
+
+"I have taken it out already," said Bimal.
+
+I was startled.
+
+"Where have you kept it, then?"  asked my sister-in-law.
+
+"I have spent it."
+
+"Just listen to her!  Whatever did you spend all that money on?"
+
+Bimal made no reply.  I asked her nothing further.  The Bara Rani
+seemed about to make some further remark to Bimala, but checked
+herself.  "Well, that is all right, anyway," she said at length,
+as she looked towards me.  "Just what I used to do with my
+husband's loose cash.  I knew it was no use leaving it with him--
+his hundred and one hangers-on would be sure to get hold of it.
+You are much the same, dear!  What a number of ways you men know
+of getting through money.  We can only save it from you by
+stealing it ourselves!  Come along now.  Off with you to bed."
+
+The Bara Rani led me to my room, but I hardly knew where I was
+going.  She sat by my bed after I was stretched on it, and smiled
+at Bimal as she said: "Give me one of your pans, Chotie darling--
+what?  You have none!  You have become a regular mem-sahib.  Then
+send for some from my room."
+
+"But have you had your dinner yet?"  I anxiously enquired.
+
+"Oh long ago," she replied--clearly a fib.
+
+She kept on chattering away there at my bedside, on all manner of
+things.  The maid came and told Bimal that her dinner had been
+served and was getting cold, but she gave no sign of having heard
+it.  "Not had your dinner yet?  What nonsense!  It's fearfully
+late."  With this the Bara Rani took Bimal away with her.
+
+I could divine that there was some connection between the taking
+out of this six thousand and the robbing of the other.  But I
+have no curiosity to learn the nature of it.  I shall never ask.
+
+Providence leaves our life moulded in the rough--its object being
+that we ourselves should put the finishing touches, shaping it
+into its final form to our taste.  There has always been the
+hankering within me to express some great idea in the process of
+giving shape to my life on the lines suggested by the Creator.
+In this endeavour I have spent all my days.  How severely I have
+curbed my desires, repressed myself at every step, only the
+Searcher of the Heart knows.
+
+But the difficulty is, that one's life is not solely one's own.
+He who would create it must do so with the help of his
+surroundings, or he will fail.  So it was my constant dream to
+draw Bimal to join me in this work of creating myself.  I loved
+her with all my soul; on the strength of that, I could not but
+succeed in winning her to my purpose--that was my firm belief.
+
+Then I discovered that those who could simply and naturally draw
+their environment into the process of their self-creation
+belonged to one species of the genus "man",--and I to another.  I
+had received the vital spark, but could not impart it.  Those to
+whom I have surrendered my all have taken my all, but not myself
+with it.
+
+My trial is hard indeed.  Just when I want a helpmate most, I am
+thrown back on myself alone.  Nevertheless, I record my vow that
+even in this trial I shall win through.  Alone, then, shall I
+tread my thorny path to the end of this life's journey ...
+
+I have begun to suspect that there has all along been a vein of
+tyranny in me.  There was a despotism in my desire to mould my
+relations with Bimala in a hard, clear-cut, perfect form.  But
+man's life was not meant to be cast in a mould.  And if we try to
+shape the good, as so much mere material, it takes a terrible
+revenge by losing its life.
+
+I did not realize all this while that it must have been this
+unconscious tyranny of mine which made us gradually drift apart.
+Bimala's life, not finding its true level by reason of my
+pressure from above, has had to find an outlet by undermining its
+banks at the bottom.  She has had to steal this six thousand
+rupees because she could not be open with me, because she felt
+that, in certain things, I despotically differed from her.
+
+Men, such as I, possessed with one idea, are indeed at one with
+those who can manage to agree with us; but those who do not, can
+only get on with us by cheating us.  It is our unyielding
+obstinacy, which drives even the simplest to tortuous ways.  In
+trying to manufacture a helpmate, we spoil a wife.
+
+Could I not go back to the beginning?  Then, indeed, I should
+follow the path of the simple.  I should not try to fetter my
+life's companion with my ideas, but play the joyous pipes of my
+love and say: "Do you love me?  Then may you grow true to
+yourself in the light of your love.  Let my suggestions be
+suppressed, let God's design, which is in you, triumph, and my
+ideas retire abashed."
+
+But can even Nature's nursing heal the open wound, into which our
+accumulated differences have broken out?  The covering veil,
+beneath the privacy of which Nature's silent forces alone can
+work, has been torn asunder.  Wounds must be bandaged--can we not
+bandage our wound with our love, so that the day may come when
+its scar will no longer be visible?  It is not too late?  So much
+time has been lost in misunderstanding; it has taken right up to
+now to come to an understanding; how much more time will it take
+for the correcting?  What if the wound does eventually heal?--can
+the devastation it has wrought ever be made good?
+
+There was a slight sound near the door.  As I turned over I saw
+Bimala's retreating figure through the open doorway.  She must
+have been waiting by the door, hesitating whether to come in or
+not, and at last have decided to go back.  I jumped up and
+bounded to the door, calling: "Bimal."
+
+She stopped on her way.  She had her back to me.  I went and took
+her by the hand and led her into our room.  She threw herself
+face downwards on a pillow, and sobbed and sobbed.  I said
+nothing, but held her hand as I sat by her head.
+
+When her storm of grief had abated she sat up.  I tried to draw
+her to my breast, but she pushed my arms away and knelt at my
+feet, touching them repeatedly with her head, in obeisance.  I
+hastily drew my feet back, but she clasped them in her arms,
+saying in a choking voice: "No, no, no, you must not take away
+your feet.  Let me do my worship."
+
+I kept still.  Who was I to stop her?  Was I the god of her
+worship that I should have any qualms?
+
+
+
+Bimala's Story
+
+XXIII
+
+
+
+Come, come!  Now is the time to set sail towards that great
+confluence, where the river of love meets the sea of worship.  In
+that pure blue all the weight of its muddiness sinks and
+disappears.
+
+I now fear nothing--neither myself, nor anybody else.  I have
+passed through fire.  What was inflammable has been burnt to
+ashes; what is left is deathless.  I have dedicated myself to the
+feet of him, who has received all my sin into the depths of his
+own pain.
+
+Tonight we go to Calcutta.  My inward troubles have so long
+prevented my looking after my things.  Now let me arrange and
+pack them.
+
+After a while I found my husband had come in and was taking a
+hand in the packing.
+
+"This won't do," I said.  "Did you not promise me you would have
+a sleep?"
+
+"I might have made the promise," he replied, "but my sleep did
+not, and it was nowhere to be found."
+
+"No, no," I repeated, "this will never do.  Lie down for a while,
+at least."
+
+"But how can you get through all this alone?"
+
+"Of course I can."
+
+"Well, you may boast of being able to do without me.  But frankly
+I can't do without you.  Even sleep refused to come to me, alone,
+in that room."  Then he set to work again.
+
+But there was an interruption, in the shape of a servant, who
+came and said that Sandip Babu had called and had asked to be
+announced.  I did not dare to ask whom he wanted.  The light of
+the sky seemed suddenly to be shut down, like the leaves of a
+sensitive plant.
+
+"Come, Bimal," said my husband.  "Let us go and hear what Sandip
+has to tell us.  Since he has come back again, after taking his
+leave, he must have something special to say."
+
+I went, simply because it would have been still more embarrassing
+to stay.  Sandip was staring at a picture on the wall.  As we
+entered he said: "You must be wondering why the fellow has
+returned.  But you know the ghost is never laid till all the
+rites are complete."  With these words he brought out of his
+pocket something tied in his handkerchief, and laying it on the
+table, undid the knot.  It was those sovereigns.
+
+"Don't you mistake me, Nikhil," he said.  "You must not imagine
+that the contagion of your company has suddenly turned me honest;
+I am not the man to come back in slobbering repentance to return
+ill-gotten money.  But..."
+
+He left his speech unfinished.  After a pause he turned towards
+Nikhil, but said to me: "After all these days, Queen Bee, the
+ghost of compunction has found an entry into my hitherto
+untroubled conscience.  As I have to wrestle with it every night,
+after my first sleep is over, I cannot call it a phantom of my
+imagination.  There is no escape even for me till its debt is
+paid.  Into the hands of that spirit, therefore, let me make
+restitution.  Goddess!  From you, alone, of all the world, I
+shall not be able to take away anything.  I shall not be rid of
+you till I am destitute.  Take these back!"
+
+He took out at the same time the jewel-casket from under his
+tunic and put it down, and then left us with hasty steps.
+
+"Listen to me, Sandip," my husband called after him.
+
+"I have not the time, Nikhil," said Sandip as he paused near the
+door.  "The Mussulmans, I am told, have taken me for an
+invaluable gem, and are conspiring to loot me and hide me away in
+their graveyard.  But I feel that it is necessary that I should
+live.  I have just twenty-five minutes to catch the North-bound
+train.  So, for the present, I must be gone.  We shall have our
+talk out at the next convenient opportunity.  If you take my
+advice, don't you delay in getting away either.  I salute you,
+Queen Bee, Queen of the bleeding hearts, Queen of desolation!"
+
+Sandip then left almost at a run.  I stood stock-still; I had
+never realized in such a manner before, how trivial, how paltry,
+this gold and these jewels were.  Only a short while ago I was so
+busy thinking what I should take with me, and how I should pack
+it.  Now I felt that there was no need to take anything at all.
+To set out and go forth was the important thing.
+
+My husband left his seat and came up and took me by the hand.
+"It is getting late," he said.  "There is not much time left to
+complete our preparations for the journey."
+
+At this point Chandranath Babu suddenly came in.  Finding us both
+together, he fell back for a moment.  Then he said, "Forgive me,
+my little mother, if I intrude.  Nikhil, the Mussulmans are out
+of hand.  They are looting Harish Kundu's treasury.  That does
+not so much matter.  But what is intolerable is the violence that
+is being done to the women of their house."
+
+"I am off," said my husband.
+
+"What can you do there?"  I pleaded, as I held him by the hand.
+"Oh, sir," I appealed to his master.  "Will you not tell him not
+to go?"
+
+"My little mother," he replied, "there is no time to do anything
+else."
+
+"Don't be alarmed, Bimal," said my husband, as he left us.
+
+When I went to the window I saw my husband galloping away on
+horseback, with not a weapon in his hands.
+
+In another minute the Bara Rani came running in.  "What have you
+done, Chotie darling," she cried.  "How could you let him go?"
+
+"Call the Dewan at once," she said, turning to a servant.
+
+The Ranis never appeared before the Dewan, but the Bara Rani had
+no thought that day for appearances.
+
+"Send a mounted man to bring back the Maharaja at once," she
+said, as soon as the Dewan came up.
+
+"We have all entreated him to stay, Rani Mother," said the Dewan,
+"but he refused to turn back."
+
+"Send word to him that the Bara Rani is ill, that she is on her
+death-bed," cried my sister-in-law wildly.
+
+When the Dewan had left she turned on me with a furious outburst.
+"Oh, you witch, you ogress, you could not die yourself, but needs
+must send him to his death!  ..."
+
+The light of the day began to fade.  The sun set behind the
+feathery foliage of the blossoming __Sajna__ tree.  I can see
+every different shade of that sunset even today.  Two masses of
+cloud on either side of the sinking orb made it look like a great
+bird with fiery-feathered wings outspread.  It seemed to me that
+this fateful day was taking its flight, to cross the ocean of
+night.
+
+It became darker and darker.  Like the flames of a distant
+village on fire, leaping up every now and then above the horizon,
+a distant din swelled up in recurring waves into the darkness.
+
+The bells of the evening worship rang out from our temple.  I
+knew the Bara Rani was sitting there, with palms joined in silent
+prayer.  But I could not move a step from the window.
+
+The roads, the village beyond, and the still more distant fringe
+of trees, grew more and more vague.  The lake in our grounds
+looked up into the sky with a dull lustre, like a blind man's
+eye.  On the left the tower seemed to be craning its neck to
+catch sight of something that was happening.
+
+The sounds of night take on all manner of disguises.  A twig
+snaps, and one thinks that somebody is running for his life.  A
+door slams, and one feels it to be the sudden heart-thump of a
+startled world.
+
+Lights would suddenly flicker under the shade of the distant
+trees, and then go out again.  Horses' hoofs would clatter, now
+and again, only to turn out to be riders leaving the palace
+gates.
+
+I continually had the feeling that, if only I could die, all this
+turmoil would come to an end.  So long as I was alive my sins
+would remain rampant, scattering destruction on every side.  I
+remembered the pistol in my box.  But my feet refused to leave
+the window in quest of it.  Was I not awaiting my fate?
+
+The gong of the watch solemnly struck ten.  A little later,
+groups of lights appeared in the distance and a great crowd wound
+its way, like some great serpent, along the roads in the
+darkness, towards the palace gates.
+
+The Dewan rushed to the gate at the sound.  Just then a rider
+came galloping in.  "What's the news, Jata?"  asked the Dewan.
+
+"Not good," was the reply.
+
+I could hear these words distinctly from my window.  But
+something was next whispered which I could not catch.
+
+Then came a palanquin, followed by a litter.  The doctor was
+walking alongside the palanquin.
+
+"What do you think, doctor?"  asked the Dewan.
+
+"Can't say yet," the doctor replied.  "The wound in the head is a
+serious one."
+
+"And Amulya Babu?"
+
+"He has a bullet through the heart.  He is done for."
+
+
+
+
+
+The Home and the World by Rabindranath Tagore.
+Translated [from Bengali to English] by Surendranath Tagore.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Home and the World, by Rabindranath Tagore
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOME AND THE WORLD ***
+
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