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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #68382 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/68382)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Philistine: a periodical of
-protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July 1895), by Various
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July
- 1895)
-
-Author: Various
-
-Release Date: June 23, 2022 [eBook #68382]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
- https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images
- made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL
-OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) ***
-
-
-
-
-
-
- The Philistine:
- A Periodical of Protest.
-
- “_Those Philistines who engender animosity, stir up trouble
- and then smile._”—_John Calvin._
-
- [Illustration]
-
- Printed Every Little While for The Society
- of The Philistines and Published
- by Them Monthly. Subscription, One
- Dollar Yearly; Single Copies, 10 Cents.
- Number 2. July, 1895.
-
-
-
-
- The Bibelot
-
- A Reprint of Poetry and Prose for Book Lovers, chosen in part
- from scarce editions and sources not generally known....
-
- Printed for Thomas B. Mosher and Publish’d by him at 37
- Exchange Street, Portland, Maine
-
- Price 5 cents 50 cents a year
-
- THE BIBELOT is issued monthly, beautifully printed on white
- laid paper, uncut, old style blue wrapper, in size a small
- quarto (5×6), 24 to 32 pages of text, and will be sent postpaid
- on receipt of subscription. Remit (preferably) by N. Y. Draft,
- or P. O. Money Order.
-
- Numbers now ready.
-
- January—Lyrics from William Blake. February—Ballades from
- Villon. March—Mediæval Student Songs. April—A Discourse of
- Marcus Aurelius. May—Fragments from Sappho. June—Sonnets on
- English Dramatic Poets.
-
- THOMAS B. MOSHER, Portland, Maine.
-
- Please Mention THE PHILISTINE.
-
-
-
-
-The Philistine.
-
-Edited by H. P. Taber.
-
-
-
-
-CONTENTS FOR JULY, 1895.
-
-
- JEREMIADS:
-
- An Interview with the Devil, Walter Blackburn Harte.
-
- Fashion in Letters and Things, Elbert Hubbard.
-
- Where is Literature At? Eugene R. White.
-
- A Free Lunch League, William McIntosh.
-
- The New Hahnemann, Herbert L. Baker.
-
- OTHER THINGS:
-
- Some Little Verses, Edwin R. Champlin.
-
- The Laughter of the Gods, Rowland B. Mahany.
-
- The Lord of Lanturlu, G. F. W.
-
- Side Talks with The Philistines.
-
- Some More Verses.
-
- Advertisements.
-
-THE PHILISTINE is published monthly at $1 a year, 10 cents a single
-copy. Subscriptions may be left with newsdealers or sent direct to the
-publishers.
-
-Business communications should be addressed to THE PHILISTINE. East
-Aurora, New York. Matter intended for publication may be sent to the same
-address or to Box 6, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
-
-_Entered at the Postoffice at East Aurora, New York, for transmission as
-mail matter of the second class._
-
-_COPYRIGHT, 1895._
-
-
-
-
-THE PHILISTINE
-
- NO. 2. July, 1895. VOL. 1.
-
-
-
-
-SOME LITTLE VERSES.
-
-
-OF EDWARD ROWLAND SILL.
-
- Since he is dead who once was so alive,
- And all is living that in life he saw,
- His written words provoke in me an awe
- And wonder if he still unseen doth thrive—
- His inmost being true to life and law.
-
-LOST JOY.
-
- Whence joy came I do not know,
- But she left me long ago;
- In a heart that still is free
- She abides—and loves not me.
-
- EDWIN R. CHAMPLIN.
-
-
-
-
-WHERE IS LITERATURE AT?
-
-
-At any time the sight of a Don Quixote leveling an earnest lance at a
-mill is inspiring, hence a book called _Degeneration_, by one Max Simon
-Nordau, is worthy of attention. The book has been discussed pro and con
-as fully as it deserved. If not forgotten it is reserved for another
-generation to adjudicate its value. Enough that it has stirred up a
-valiant mess, out of which can come nothing but good.
-
-As a whole it is worthless—it might well have been written by a son of
-Robert Elsmere and Mrs. Nickelby—for the mosaic of clever observation
-is wrought into a most grotesque picture. The perception of Mr. Nordau
-is fine, but his perspective is absurdly jumbled. The premises, logical
-enough, are made to form an absurd conclusion—yet the half-truths in the
-book are well worthy of note.
-
-Genius was an abnormality long before Nordau found it out from Lombroso.
-Granted that everybody who has risen above the dead level of mediocrity
-is a maniac, let us head the list with Jesus of Nazareth. But does that
-detract from the value of their work or the good of their mission? Moses
-may have had asymmetrical ears, and Blind Homer been possessed with all
-sorts of mental afflictions. That is not the point. What Mr. Nordau does
-show us is that the literature of this decade is self conscious and that
-it is marked in general by a hopeless lack of unity. Not that these facts
-were discovered by the captious German: Good lack, they are apparent
-enough, but he has surely emphasized them. And the object of this is to
-say a say about the present non-importance of modern literature’s self
-consciousness and its lack of unity.
-
-When one talks with a decrier of modernity, when our ears are stuffed
-with the prattle about self consciousness, should there be an attempt
-to say a word it is met with a flaunting statement about Homer. Homer
-is undeniably the great unsullied spring, the rock struck in the desert
-which pours forth a clear limpid stream. But the example does not serve.
-If Homer is pristine he is also primeval. Self consciousness in these
-days means nothing less than that one comprehends in part that momentous
-question of where we are at. Underlying which it means that it has a
-realizing sense of battles to fight and wrongs to retrieve. Marry and up,
-we might all be Homers had literature no past. The past is a millstone
-that has hung around the neck of many a sturdy man.
-
-Truth to tell, there must be a certain self consciousness nowadays if
-anything is to be done. Besides, what is self consciousness? Not the kind
-that mistakes the medium for the work accomplished, but a genuine hearty
-self consciousness. Is it not manifestly absurd to deny to the father of
-an idea the most complete conception of his paternity? Can we interpret
-the works of an author in any other proportion than that which exists
-between our understanding and his?
-
-But Nordau’s principal _casus belli_ is the present diversity in
-literature, he thinks; its lack of unity—a segregation which denotes
-decay.
-
-Pish!
-
-Diversity is a step towards universality. And is not the present aspect
-due primarily to a self assertive spirit, a declaration of individual
-independence in literature, built upon the lack of single leaders and the
-abolition of a great literary center?
-
-Take the literary capillarity of a great name. It has a marvelous effect,
-availing perhaps for all time, but scarcely to the succeeding generation.
-Dante, Shakespeare and the world’s sons are but the flood marks of a
-great literary tidal wave that crests with eternity. These marks leave
-such an influence on the next generation that they can only be viewed
-with wonder. And when that same next generation perceives that deeds were
-wrought on certain lines, behold a mad rush to build on the same, to
-blindly copy after the model, to servilely imitate the pattern. This is
-the damning power of the so-called classicists. Not having the original
-spontaneity, such doing accomplishes little more than to emasculate
-itself wittingly.
-
-Trend is an unseen thread in the warp and woof of literature. It bobs
-about, hides here and there, and who will say but now and then it drops
-a stitch? Yet the weave goes on for all that. Achievement in the realm
-of the real and the realm of the ideal are rarely synchronous. Literature
-acted as a John the Baptist for the Renaissance. Artistic expression
-antedated for centuries the march of science. Why should we of the purple
-trouble ourselves if science should now be the vanguard. It will be a
-close finish at the End of Things.
-
-The Sleeping Beauty is now all ready for the magic kiss. The Prince is
-perhaps bending over her. He has cut a way through the thorns, the briars
-and brambles that hedged her in. He has climbed the stairs and looks her
-at last squarely in the face. She will be awake while we yet pule and
-despair that there is no good in us and that if a good thing ever came
-out of Nazareth it was immediately and ignominiously pushed along by the
-rabble.
-
-That’s a close analogue, that Sleeping Beauty. Literature wanted not for
-thorns and brambles. Conventions, artificial ties and misconceptions
-were of the prickliest kind. Those that spring up where empty ancient
-forms are worshipped always are, but we have had some Princes with strong
-buskins, who laughed at the stings and bade the small things do their
-worst.
-
-Rossetti and the Pre-Raphaelites were of that kind. Walt Whitman lacked
-the princely qualities, the blue blood of prestige that would work the
-magic charm, but he was valiant for all that. And there have been others
-who have not lacked in bravery.
-
-Now, it is just that hardihood that Nordau derides. Let him creak and
-carp, let others erect their idols and worship thereat. Even fetiches
-have their use. The world wags on, however, and the line is forming anew.
-We will be happy yet.
-
-It is a Gargantuan task to get at the heart of this multiple age. He will
-be a Titan who does it.
-
-Form antedates concept. Thus far have we journeyed on this way of
-ours—the leaven of concept and of form both have broken out in patches
-here and there. Let someone arise who can master both.
-
-Then—
-
- E. R. W.
-
-
-
-
-THE LAUGHTER OF THE GODS.
-
-
- The laughter of the Gods is clear
- And sweet to those who do not know
- How, underneath its limpid flow,
- Lurk envy, hatred, hope and fear.
-
- ROWLAND B. MAHANY.
-
-
-
-
-FASHION IN LETTERS AND THINGS.
-
-
-Periodicity exists throughout all nature. Day and night, winter and
-summer, equinox and solstice; years of plenty and years of famine,
-commerce active and business depressed; volcanoes in state of eruption,
-then at rest; comets return, eclipses come back, the striae of one
-glacial period are deepened by those of another, and the leg o’ mutton
-sleeves that our grandmammas wore in the thirties are again upon us.
-
-When the hounds start game in the mountains, the hunter knowing that the
-deer moves in a circle, stands still on the run-way, biding his time. So
-no one need wail and strike his breast if his raiment is out of style:
-all such should be consoled by the fact that the fashion is surely coming
-back.
-
-Mode in dress is only an outcrop of a general law. Why does fashion
-change? Because it is the fashion. The followers of fashion—that is
-to say, civilized men and women—are not content with being all alike.
-Esquimaux and Hottentots never vary their styles. But people in the
-temperate zones are intemperate and desire to excel—to be different from
-others—distinctive, peculiar, individual. Very seldom is any one strong
-enough to stand alone, so in certain social circles, by common consent,
-all overcoats are cut one length—say, to come just above the knee. Then
-this overcoat is gradually lowered: to the knee, just below the knee, to
-the ankle—until it conceals the feet. Then an enormous collar is added,
-which when turned up and viewed from behind completely hides the man.
-But this thing cannot last; it is not many days before the same men are
-wearing overcoats so short that the wearers look like matadors ready for
-the fray.
-
-Ladies wear hoops; the hoops expand and expand, until the maximum of
-possibility in size is reached. Something must be done! The crinoline
-contracts until these same ladies appear in clinging skirts, and the
-pull-back lives its little hour. Then the former width of the dress is
-used to lengthen it. The skirt touches the ground, trails two inches,
-six, eight, a foot, two feet. Its length becomes too great to drag and so
-is carried, to the great inconvenience of its owner; or in banquet halls
-pages are employed. But this is too much, a protest comes and two hundred
-women in Boston agree to appear on the streets the first rainy day in
-skirts barely coming to the boot top. “Dress Reform” societies spring up,
-magazines become the organs of the protestants and the printing presses
-run over time.
-
-The garb of the Quaker is only a revulsion from a flutter of ribbons and
-towering headgear. From Beau Brummel lifting his hat with great flourish
-and uncovering on slight excuse, we have William Penn who uncovers to
-nobody; the height of Brummel’s hat finds place in the width of Penn’s.
-
-All things move in an orbit.
-
-Even theories have their regular times of incubation. They are hatched,
-grow lusty, crow in falsetto or else cackle; then they proceed to scratch
-in the flower beds of conservatism to the hysterical fear of good old
-ladies, who shoo them away. Or if the damage seems serious, the ladies
-set dogs—the lap-dogs of war—upon them.
-
-“The sun do move;” Brother Jasper is right. All things move. And when
-matters get pushed to a point where they fall on t’other side, a Reformer
-appears. The people proclaim him king, but he modestly calls himself
-“Protector.” He is spoken of in history as the Savior of the State.
-
-There are only two classes of men who live in history: those who crowd a
-thing to its extreme limit, and those who then arise and cry “Hold!” A
-Pharaoh makes a Moses possible. The latter we write down in our books as
-immortal, the first as infamous.
-
-This is true of all who live in history, whether in the realm of
-politics, religion or art. History is only a record of ideas (or lack
-of them) pushed to a point where revulsion occurs. If Rome had been
-moderate, Luther would have had no excuse.
-
-Literature obeys the law; its orbit is an ellipse. The illustrious names
-in letters are those of the men who have stood at aphelion or perihelion
-and waved the flaring comet back.
-
-The so-called great poets are the men stationed by fate at these pivotal
-points. And as fires burn brightest when the wind is high, so these men
-facing mob majorities have, through opposition, had their intellects
-fanned into a flame.
-
-More than thirteen decisive battles have taken place in the world of
-letters. And the question at issue has always been the same: Radical
-and Conservative calling themselves Realist, Romanticist, Veritist or
-What-not struggling for supremacy.
-
-Term it “Veritism” and “Impressionism” if you prefer—juggle the names and
-put your Union troops in gray, but this does not change the question.
-
-The battle between the two schools of literature is a football game.
-The extreme goal on one side is tea table chatter, on the other an
-obscure symbolism. “The difference is this:” said Dion Boucicault,
-“when Romanticism goes to seed it is ‘rot;’ when Realism reaches a like
-condition it is only ‘drivel.’”
-
-In literary production why should we hear so much about the dignity of
-this school and the propriety of that. Men who fail to appreciate the
-individual excellence of a certain literary output, declare it to be
-without sense and therefore base. In letters they assume that a style is
-wholly good or it is wholly bad. They make no allowances for temperament;
-they would have all men speak in one voice.
-
-Yet liberty need not result in disorder, nor can originality serve as a
-pretext for boozy inaccuracy. In a literary production the bolder the
-conception the more irreproachable should be the execution.
-
-There is a tendency for thought to get fixed in set forms, and this
-form is always that which has been used by some great man. For any one
-to express thought and feeling in a different way is blasphemy to the
-eunuchs who guard the tents of Tradition.
-
-Writers of different schools exist because their style fits the mind of
-a certain style of reader. The sprightly, animated picturesqueness, the
-play of wit and flights of imagination are only a full expression of
-what many faintly feel. Thus their mood is mirrored and their thought
-expressed: hence they are pleased.
-
-In fact the only reason why we like a writer is because he expresses our
-thought in a way we like. And the reason we dislike a writer is because
-he deals in that which is not ours. We of course might grow to like
-him, but the process is slow, for according to Herbert Spencer we must
-hear a thing six hundred times before we understand. If we comprehend
-a proposition at once, it is only because it was ours already. If the
-portrayal of a situation in fiction fascinates us, it is because we (in
-fancy or fact) have gone before and spied out the land.
-
-There must be more than one school of literature, because there is more
-than one mood of mind: just as in religion there must be many sects.
-We worship God not only in sincerity and truth, but according to the
-temperament our mothers gave us.
-
-The emotional “school of religion” finds its votaries in Methodism:
-Methodism fits a certain mind. The stately dignity of the Ritualist is
-a necessity to a certain cast of intellect. And until we get a church
-that is broad enough, and deep enough, and high enough to allow for
-temperament in men, “church union” will exist only as an abstract idea.
-
-Until we have a school of literature that will combine all schools and
-give the liberty to a full expression of every mood, there will be a
-warfare between the “sects” that give free rein to imagination and the
-sect that, having no imagination, merely describes. When one school
-driven by the jibes and jeers of the other tilts to t’other side, a heavy
-man will start the teeter back, and he is the man we crown.
-
-And let us ever crown the heavy man when we find him.
-
- ELBERT HUBBARD.
-
-
-
-
-THE LORD OF LANTURLU.
-
-IDEA, METRE AND REFRAIN CRIBBED FROM THE FRENCH OF GABRIEL VICAIRE AS SET
-FORTH IN _Le Figaro_ OF MARCH 30, 1895 (_q. v._).
-
-
- When swallows southward flew,
- Forth rode in armor fair
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.
-
- Vowed he to cross the brine,
- Pausing not night nor day,
- That he might Paynims slay
- In Palestine.
-
- Faithful a knight and true
- As you’d find anywhere,
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.
-
- Half a league on his way
- Met him a shepherdess,
- Beaming in loveliness,
- Sweet as young day.
-
- Gazed in her eyes of blue,
- Saw Love in hiding there,
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.
-
- “Let the foul Paynim wait,”
- Plead Love, “and rest with me;
- Sullen and cold the sea,
- Here’s brighter fate.”
-
- ...
-
- When swallows northward flew,
- Back to his home did fare
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.
-
- Led he his charger gray,
- Bearing a shepherdess
- Beaming with loveliness,
- Sweet as young day.
-
- White lambs, beribboned blue,
- Herded with anxious care
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.
-
- Fine sport of him they made,
- Knights famous, old and lone,
- Strength, youth and hope all gone
- In the Crusade.
-
- But in their hearts they knew,
- “He hath the better fare—
- Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
- And Lanturlu.”
-
- G. F. W.
-
-
-
-
-A FREE LUNCH LEAGUE.
-
-
-Before George Du Maurier created the one complaisant female who is
-admitted into all the good society of Europe and America he achieved
-some fame as the author of a recipe for keeping peace in families. The
-good wife was to apply the prescription, and it read “Feed the Brute.”
-Whether this meant to keep a good cook or to cater to the element
-in human nature which the paradox of civilization constantly brings
-into abnormal prominence among the overwrought people Mr. Du Maurier
-describes, is not clear. The man as a whole or his grosser nature may be
-the brute referred to. But the policy of feeding the unidentified fauna
-of Mr. Du Maurier’s world is in no doubt. Modern custom has settled
-the most direct road to satisfaction of the men and women who compose
-society. You may see its sign boards at any formal social meeting, and
-they all point to the dining room.
-
-When THE PHILISTINE said some time ago that hospitality had become an
-exchange he meant an exchange of food. There is no plainer way to state
-the fact—short of nausea. Of course hospitality does not start at eating.
-That is where it ends. The starting point is the purest courtesy—the
-_caritas_ that “seeketh not her own,” “is not puffed up” and “abideth”
-as the head of the trinity of eternal virtues. But on the most generous
-of virtues grows the most selfish of vices, and ostentation is the
-death-dealing parasite that destroys primitive hospitality.
-
-Mrs. Moor Gage lives in the suburbs. It is the proper place to live—if
-you can. She has neighbors and likes them. She calls, swaps cards with
-the ladies, imbibes a little hot water, and then gets along where her
-social position requires somebody should be fed. She is just as good as
-Mrs. Taxsale on the other avenue, so hospitality alone won’t fill the
-bill. A caterer must mince this dinner. Mr. Moor Gage must perspire later
-on, but now is feeding time. At much expense the food is arranged for. At
-more expense virgin dresses must be gotten together, if all hands stitch
-and try on till the hour the dinner comes. When they are gone, feeders
-and fed draw one breath of content. “It’s all over.”
-
-Or, is it a reception. The hospitality is all in the front of the house.
-That’s where the receiving party are. But the procession doesn’t linger
-there. It moves rearward. The animals are to be fed. If one doubts the
-sincerity of this movement let him recall the comments of those who
-“couldn’t get to the dining room” at the last distribution of eatables.
-
-Of course when Mrs. Taxsale opens her larder to her friends she will have
-a little better “stuff”—they really do call it by that name in competent
-society—and so the auction goes on. Sometimes card parties and other
-social efforts not primarily connected with digestion get mixed up with
-catering. The result is usually disastrous. Bidding gets too high for
-some of the members. The bargain day pace is too fast. There ends the
-card club.
-
-There are persons, here and there, who think there is something
-finer than feeding in courtesy. They are Philistines. They object to
-materialism, even when it swamps only the things of this world. It is
-also reported, on somewhat vague evidence, that refined literary people
-are not so given to feeding as the common folks of Mr. Du Maurier’s
-world. It is to bear a suggestion to these that this is written. Literary
-persons being functionally the makers of custom have a great glory within
-easy reach. Let them crystallize their scattered atoms of protest in an
-Anti Free Lunch League. It may take some self denial, but there is the
-compensating pleasure of mutual admiration when they gather at a call
-like this:
-
- +--------------------------------------------+
- | _Miss Basbleu will be pleased to welcome |
- | you at her residence |
- | Tuesday evening |
- | to meet Mr. Patemback. |
- | Nordau at 11._ |
- +--------------------------------------------+
-
-Contemplation of the infinite fall will take the place of supper in a
-most edifying way. It is to be presumed that literary people have had
-something to eat at home.
-
-The segregation of society thus begun will leave the materialists who
-compose its majority to follow out their instincts, and it will be
-reasonable to look for a vast improvement in eating entertainments in
-consequence. Mrs. Moor Gage and Mrs. Taxsale will then be freer to
-advertise their attractions—as thus:
-
- +--------------------------------------------+
- | _Your company is requested on |
- | Wednesday evening |
- | at the residence of Mrs. Moor Gage, |
- | Five Per Cent Avenue, |
- | Syndicate Park. |
- | |
- | H. L. at 11._ |
- +--------------------------------------------+
-
-“H. L.” means hot lunch, which may be varied indefinitely. It is plainly
-a great improvement on “Dancing at 9.” You get dancing everywhere.
-Specifications may be introduced. For those who don’t like bread pencils
-and ice cream shingles something more solid may be put on the bill of
-fare, which will in time serve as the invitation also.
-
-The suggestion is made in the interest of sincerer living. If we are to
-“feed the brute,” why not say so?
-
- W. M.
-
-
-
-
-THE NEW HAHNEMANN.
-
-
-The taste for literature in homeopathic doses seems to be growing. If
-this thing keeps on, the time may come when knowledge will be put up like
-pills or wafers or tablets. And a great convenience it would be to the
-busy sons of American toil. If one wished to prepare an article on some
-historical subject, for instance, he could buy a box of Motley’s American
-Pills or Gibbon’s Roman Tablets, and take one after another until the
-requisite amount of historical information were absorbed. It would also
-be pleasant, if a gentle titillation of the literary senses were desired,
-to buy a few Richard Harding Davis wafers and lie down to delightful
-dreams. Or in case one’s conscience became unusually obstreperous, he
-could take Biblical tabules till his system was soaked with sanctity. If
-one’s pessimism were temporarily upmost, he could find plenty of Nordau’s
-pillules to help him enjoy his misery while the fit lasted. It’s a great
-scheme. Methinks the dim distant future holds a publisher’s announcement
-similar to this:
-
- _JUST ISSUED_:
-
- “SOME IMPRESSIONS AND A FIT.”
-
- By Mark Nye Bunner. In twelve pills and two boxes. In plain
- pasteboard boxes, $1.00 per box. In gilt edge boxes, uncut,
- $2.00 per box. By all means the strongest work of this popular
- condenser. It is not too much to say that there is more giggle
- in each pill than can be found in any similar work. And the
- fit at the end—well, it is wholly indescribable. Long Greens &
- Co., Literary Dispensatory, Chicago and London. Sent prepaid by
- telepath, on receipt of price.
-
- A FEW CRITICISMS.
-
- _Washington Roast_: “Not a dull pill in the box.”
-
- _New York Rostrum_: “Very clever. After taking one pill, the
- reader cannot put down the box until he has taken all its
- contents.”
-
- _Chicago Between-Seas_: “Cannot contain our disgust. Tried to
- digest the contents of these boxes, but threw up the job after
- taking one pill.”
-
- _New Orleans Pickatune_: “The pills lead gently and pleasantly
- up to the final mystery when the Fit clears everything up in a
- very sensational manner. More such pills would have a highly
- beneficial effect upon modern literature.”
-
- HERBERT L. BAKER.
-
-
-
-
-AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL.
-
-
-It is only during inclement weather that writers who cannot command
-the oracular and prophetic freedom, which is the proud possession of
-the morning and evening journals, can hope to gain even the smallest
-audience; for the masses are more hungry for facts which lie, than for
-the truth, or even those fine fantasies that afford us some surcease of
-wide-open eyed sorrow. If this paper is ever read at all, it should be
-read in gloomy weather. Indeed, it is intended to be read on a gray day,
-as it was written on a wild night. Only very robust imaginations feel
-the fascination or the eternal questions of life and death in the wide
-ample world of broad, white sunlight; for their animal spirits get the
-better of their reason. In rainy weather we writers flatten our noses
-against the panes of strange windows, lost to all sense of propriety, in
-the wild hope that some one within is reading one of our amusing works.
-In the case of the present writer, however, it is all proper to say that
-he has suffered disillusionment so often that he has espoused a chill
-dignity, and sits at home and reads his own works in a spirit of grim
-appreciation. Indeed, accepting the appalling vacuity of the million
-noisy heads as an incurable fact—a fact that should chasten the vanity
-of those whose hopes and ambitions and thought are borne and blown hither
-and thither, like puff-balls upon the acclaiming wind of ten thousand
-pairs of lungs—it may be said with perfect propriety that it is nothing
-less than impertinence for any writer, who aims to rise above the biting
-lechery of the common imaginations, to expect to find readers under clear
-skies. Even the midsummer sun, which is surely innocent of any such evil
-intention, seems to only ripen distracting noises in the minds of the
-vast majority sunk in the turgid mean of commonplace; for how many good
-souls can be bothered with anything more abstract than the very latest
-soggy novel, just hot and dirty from the press, in sunshiny weather? Even
-moonshine is wasted upon all but those feather-brains on the lookout for
-ghosts.
-
-And it may be noted, although it is not strictly relevant, that, with
-the multiplication of periodicals of one sort and another, even stormy
-weather is beginning to fail the few writers in our day who are audacious
-enough to still cling to the old ambitions of letters, in spite of
-worldly prudence and all the warnings of the literary tip-staffs who
-infallibly know “the market”—for in the periodical world it is raining
-hot-baked sensations and novelties every hour in the twenty-four—the
-depressing vulgar commonplaces that have made up the round of human
-existence from the dawn of history and always will. But we must make up
-our minds to accept this as one of the small ironies of life: thought is
-smothered in an immense spawn of crocodile words. The newspapers we have
-always with us; and they succeed in making such an unceasing and damnable
-din that only an insignificant minority of exceptionally cool heads can
-hear themselves think.
-
-It is worthy of remark that the printing press has contributed in no
-small degree toward driving the Devil out of orthodox theology. This is a
-fact, although Atheists, Rationalists and Materialists claim the credit
-of it. Indeed, His Eminence confessed to me, over a bottle of Lachryma
-Christi at the Theological Club, that he was completely discouraged,
-and he announced that he was revolving in his mind the expediency of
-abandoning the long and honorable career, which he has enjoyed in the
-polity of human life. He said that he had found his old-fashioned and
-painstaking tortuous methods of depraving men’s minds suddenly rendered
-absolutely puerile, ridiculous and contemptible by comparison with the
-unwearied and stupendous operations of the steam-presses of journalism.
-The meeting depressed me greatly; for whatever opinions other folk
-may profess to hold of the Devil, the more sober imaginations, the
-humorous writers, will always be glad to testify to the ungrudged and
-inestimable services he has continually rendered them in their arduous
-and ill-paid calling. I have since learned definitely that the Devil was
-in good earnest, and has retired into a voluntary exile, whence endless
-deputations of learned, suppliant, apologetic and furious theologians
-have endeavored to coax him, but entirely in vain. He has abdicated,
-he replies steadfastly, forever; and the desperate situation of the
-theologians, whose calling and character is seriously imperiled by his
-obstinacy, leaves him perfectly unmoved. He declares he has been long
-abandoned by those who flourished upon the pleasantries which he devised
-to make life amusing, and being under no sort of moral obligation to
-ingrates who have publicly held his name and character in abhorrence, he
-cheerfully abandons them to their wretched fate. He himself is humbled;
-let them taste of his bitterness, as they have shared in his prosperity,
-without any honest acknowledgment of his benefaction. He is still great
-enough to preserve his dignity; let them preserve their own as best they
-can. And this ought not to be a difficult business; for there are still
-a multitude of fools in the world, and any new noisy dogma is not more
-than twenty-four hours old before a million credulous heads believe it
-embodies the immanent truth of the universe. Such subtle wits as the
-theologians, and those whom they serve, can assuredly find a way out of
-the mire of misfortune, as the multitude is always hospitable to miracle
-workers, though deaf and blind to facts and truth.
-
-The Devil himself, however, has discovered the ironies of the ambition
-that can only prosper upon the folly of fools. He recognizes the
-omnipotence of his rivals, the omniscient journalists, in this vineyard,
-and is content to let them discover in due time that wisdom does not
-consist in the counting of noses, and that mere bawdy optimism brings
-its own dissatisfaction. And, moreover, in retiring, the Devil is
-sustained by the firm conviction that his old laborious schemes for the
-befuddlement and bewilderment and corruption of mankind will not only be
-ably continued, but improved and surpassed in subtlety and thoroughness
-by these audacious and unscrupulous successors. So his decision is
-irrevocable; he has abdicated forever. Emulation would but emphasize
-the futile and ludicrous pretensions of his old ingrate protegees, the
-theologians; and the Devil is not ungenerous, even in misfortune, even to
-those base hypocrites who have enjoyed his protection and reviled him.
-Then, retirement with dignity is better than embittered ambition and a
-fall without dignity. As he points out—and those who have known him in
-better days should assuredly sustain him in his noble and philosophic
-humility, so rare among the great of fallen fortunes—it is worse than
-useless for him to labor painfully to cultivate a deep and stirring
-delight in original sin in one promising little urchin, spending weary
-days and anxious and tender solicitude on the hard benches of the public
-schools, when the great and omniscient newspaper press can at any given
-moment set a whole nation, or even the whole civilized world, crawling
-upon all fours, nosing and wallowing in filth. Only a few aboriginal
-tribes escape, and the Devil does not deem these worthy of cultivation,
-since civilization is encroaching upon them and their days are already
-numbered.
-
-The Devil was always notoriously an abandoned pessimist, and his dismal
-view of the outcome of the great modern passion for literacy is probably
-due to disappointed ambition and malevolence; for, granting all the
-suffocating triviality and vulgarity of the Sabbatical literature dished
-up in the seventh day’s newspapers, it must always in strict justice be
-remembered that long and beautiful abstracts of sermons of soporific
-platitude, and charmingly convincing illogic, appear regularly in the
-Monday morning issues. And so optimists may feel that the morals of
-civilization are safe.
-
-But, on the other hand, evil tongues cannot be silenced. If the
-accumulation of facts were not such a patently depraved, atrabilious
-and libellous business, there would be fewer cynics, and cheerful, good
-natured optimism would expire for want of that venomous opposition which
-contracts hopeless stupidity into stony and barren virtue. Epigrams would
-become dissipated in the most undivided passion for truth, in order to
-diffuse it again into commonness among eager and hungry ears; but the
-fact is, these ears are now enamored of such noises as cost them no sort
-of intellectual effort.
-
-It may as well be stated here that the Devil has somehow lost a great
-deal of his popularity in the congregations of the elect, through the
-continual assaults of Philistines and the unfortunate discovery of
-natural facts, that have taken catastrophe out of the Devil’s hands and
-transferred it to the domain of inflexible and insensible law. But the
-moral cowardice revealed in this abandonment of the Devil is certainly
-pathetic. Yet we must remember that it is ever so—for the people who turn
-on us first are the ones we have most benefited. And this seems to be one
-of Nature’s devices for diverting our energies into new channels of well
-doing.
-
- WALTER BLACKBURN HARTE.
-
-
-
-
-SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES: BEING SUNDRY BITS OF WISDOM WHICH HAVE
-BEEN HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW SET FORTH IN PRINT.
-
-
-_Bot._ Let me play the lion, too. I will roar, that I will do any man’s
-heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the duke say, “Let
-him roar again. Let him roar again.”
-
-_Quin._ An you should do it too terribly, you would fright the duchess
-and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us
-all.
-
-_All._ That would hang us, every mother’s son.
-
-_Bot._ I grant you, friends, if that you should fright the ladies out of
-their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us; but I will
-aggravate my voice so that I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove;
-I will roar you an ’twere any nightingale.
-
- * * * * *
-
-To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the
-heaven.
-
-There is a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time
-to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a
-time to break down and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to
-laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast stones and a
-time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain
-from embracing; a time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep and
-a time to cast away; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep
-silence and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time
-for war and a time for peace.
-
-I have seen the tribulation that God has given to the sons of men; yet He
-has made everything beautiful in its time: and I know that there is no
-good but for a man to rejoice and to do the good that he can in life: and
-I would have every man eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of his labor,
-for this is the gift of God.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Our neighboring city of Buffalo is to be congratulated. The International
-League of Press Clubs will convene there next summer. A plumber who was
-accidentally blackballed by the Buffalo club writes me that they will
-come “some in rags and some in jags.”
-
- * * * * *
-
-If the women who wheel did but know it they would undoubtedly be
-influenced by the fact, patent to all men, that all the compromise
-garments for bicycle wear are hideous. There is no beauty in and of any
-of them. The more cut off they are the worse. There is only one element
-of grace about drapery, and that is in its flowing lines. The cut-off
-Russian blouses are no lovelier than a high hat or a hydrant cover. By
-and by, when Philistine good sense shall have won dominion over the
-ladies who bike, it will be discovered by them that there is no essential
-impurity in dress. The woman who does masculine things should wear
-masculine covering. Why not? Is it to be assumed that the pedal branches
-of the human form divine are by any natural law under ban? Or is it
-custom that makes the difference? If so, it will be deemed indecent one
-of these days to drape the arms, now hidden in balloons, in the tight
-sleeves of our elder sisters.
-
-It may be guessed at a venture, there being no authority except that
-nebulous tyranny that controls all matters of feminine custom, that the
-difficulty would be met in some measure if the fair wheelers did not
-have to get off the machine in public view. Even a man is apt to be
-embarrassed when he walks the pavement with a clamp around his nether
-drapery, both looking and feeling as if he had been through burdocks
-and come away loaded. It is of easy recollection how one feels on the
-board walk with clinging garments that were all right in the water a
-moment ago. The ladies might be willing to wear knickerbockers—and they
-ought to be told that in nothing else would they look so well—if by
-some contrivance a fall of drapery sheltered the too-freely evidenced
-pedestals of beauty when off the wheel. What Felix will invent such a
-curtain and a way of keeping it out of the way when not wanted? Here
-is an opening for genius—and a beneficent one, for by such devices is
-civilization advanced.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Mrs. Frank Guesslie has written an article on _How My Husbands Proposed_.
-It will be syndicated by the National Thought Supply and Newspaper
-Feeding Company.
-
- * * * * *
-
-A newspaper that does much show printing announces in big headlines: “A
-Woman Clown. The Only One Is With Barnum and Bailey.” Barnum and Bailey
-reside in different climates just now. That “only” woman clown must be as
-ubiquitous as Sydney Smith’s Scot.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The Boston Woman’s Rescue League has the champion non sequitur. The
-league is against bicycling by women, and announces the startling
-discovery that “thirty per cent of the girls that have come to the Rescue
-League for aid were bicycle riders at one time.” Probably one hundred per
-cent of the same were innocent girls at one time. Maybe it was when they
-biked.
-
- * * * * *
-
-I understand there’s a movement in the Back Bay gravel pit of Boston,
-Mass., to abolish the word “Mr.” on calling cards. Some of the
-three-named have been a little crowded for space, perhaps, or it may be
-that they dimly realize that it isn’t good taste to call oneself by a
-complimentary title. Some clergymen refuse to sign “Rev.” before their
-names, or put it in parenthesis as if to have it beyond their personal
-reach, as New England ladies write “(Miss)” and others “(Mrs.)”. Good
-Philistines need not be told that Mr. means Master and is a compliment in
-the second person. It is of a piece with lifting the hat, theoretically
-a helmet, to the person whom you respect. That was the old time vote of
-confidence. You thus expressed the belief that he wouldn’t brain you with
-a broadsword at the first opportunity. Giving the hand was another token
-of disarmament as a mark of confidence. Bowing the head also invited the
-knightly salute with any convenient weapon. With this went a more or less
-sincere confession of his imputed power. You called him “master,” which
-became “mister” by corruption. Our imitative good society has forgotten
-the meaning of the thing it imitates, as usual. Our ready-made coats of
-arms seldom fit. He that is greatest calls himself servant, according to
-good authority, and not master. Even Beacon Hill and the adjacent desert
-seems to have come to a realization of the fact. We may look for the
-cards of John De Smythe Smythe or Perkins Hopkinson Revere with Mr. in
-brackets or omitted one of these days.
-
- * * * * *
-
-“Mamma,” said seven-year-old, in the suburbs, “when will somebody’s house
-or somebody’s barn burn up?”
-
-“I don’t know,” said mamma, “I hope never. But I suppose they will
-sometime.”
-
-“Well,” said the son, with a sigh, “it’s an awful long time since we had
-a good fire.”
-
-Thus we see that even calamity may furnish entertainment for the simple
-and sincere.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Rock & Bumball, of Chicago, announce a new volume by Gallbert Faker. Its
-title is _Scenes in the Boshy Hills_.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Several mighty and high church bishops in this country are out against
-“the new woman.” It is noted that they don’t say anything against “the
-old woman” in general or in particular.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_How to Carry a Cat in a Basket_ is the attractive title of an article to
-appear in the forthcoming _Ladies’ Fireside Fudge_, from the pen of its
-gifted editor, Mr. E. W. Sok.
-
- * * * * *
-
-There are things in these maxnordo days that are enough to make a man
-strike his father—for something besides a loan. For instance, a few weeks
-since we had the peculiar spectacle of the Marquis of Queensbury being
-done up by his son according to London rules; and now in the last issue
-of the _Chip-Munk_ we see “A Recent Writer in _Scribner’s_” well cuffed
-by a boy of whom he is the author. “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth,”
-etc.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Judge Tourgee is still making straw without bricks in the _Basis_.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Now that Mrs. Cady Stanton has launched her Woman’s Bible, let her
-prepare to enter a woman’s heaven. The men won’t be in it.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Robert Grant is getting democratic. He is down as far as the summer girl
-in the current _Scribner_.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_The Napoleon on the Hearth_ is a new magazine announced from New York.
-It will bear the subtitle, _Every Man His Own Bonaparte Revival_.
-
- * * * * *
-
-A new book by Mr. Poultry Bigead is about ready. It will be called _My
-Collection of Stones from Cherries Eaten by the German Emperor_, and will
-contain a frontispiece of _Cavalry Horses Having Spasms_, by a well known
-artist.
-
- * * * * *
-
-On what ought to be very good authority I am told that if the women who
-wheel adopt knickerbockers, there will be more care of the female infants
-of the next generation. Some of the ladies who most strongly object to
-the advanced and advancing style are said to have good reasons in the
-matter of physical conformation. I know parents who are very careful not
-to let their boy babies stand alone too early, fearing bow legs. Perhaps
-the parents of the future will be equally careful about their girlies, in
-view of the changing fashion in nether drapery.
-
-Apropos of this, I know a very pleasant little lady—pleasant, but
-thin—whose brother is a sad wag. “Adelaide,” he said to her last Tuesday,
-“if you wear those new knickerbockers of yours out on the street, you’ll
-get yourself arrested for having no visible means of support.”
-
- * * * * *
-
-It is asserted that Mr. George A. Hibbard is perfectly serious.
-
- * * * * *
-
-It is really too bad that a magazine which lives up to its standard so
-well as the _Overland Monthly_ should try to make us believe that its
-illustrations are much better than those in Frank Leslie’s _Budget_.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_How I Wrote the Account of How I Wrote My First Book_, by General Louisa
-Wallace, author of _Bob Hur_, is announced.
-
- * * * * *
-
-I have received through Messrs. Funk & Wagnalls, publishers of a
-Methodist dictionary and other works of erudition and vital piety, an
-invitation to vote aye on a large number of changes of words in common
-use—mostly in the fonetic direction. Simplicity is the apparent aim.
-There is a good deal of retrospect in the list. Some of the spellings
-that were licked out of us when we were boys seem like old friends come
-back to ask our pardon. The old days are with us when we are told to
-spell “skul,” for example. The evisceration of sacred words is a little
-arbitrary. “Savior” is spelt without the full-mouthed British “u,” dear
-to every lover of the Prayer Book, but Antichrist isn’t economized at
-all. “Pel-mel” looks it, if a word ever did. “Graf” is something to be
-guessed at, and one may ask if “adulterin” is something to eat. The
-fonetix didn’t reach Czar, or perhaps our M. E.—me friends are respecters
-of persons. However, they shortened “pontiff” by an “f,” and I wouldn’t
-be surprised if His Holiness masqueraded as “Pop” in the next circular.
-It is interesting, if not impressive, this reform—like the abbreviation
-of bicycle clothes and the sending of bad writing by wire.
-
- * * * * *
-
-That choking female on the cover of the _Mid-Continent_ is still
-tottering, but hasn’t tumbled yet. Neither have the publishers, it would
-seem.
-
- * * * * *
-
-A hammock and a book and a horse and a yacht are really enough to begin
-with for Robert Grant. He says as much in _Scribner’s_ and he doesn’t
-care a dam for Newport for a week or two. How little the things of this
-vain world appeal to those who can have them by touching a button.
-
- * * * * *
-
-It runs in the Howl family. W. Dean has a daughter who puts her poems
-under display ad heads in _Scribner’s_. The decorative head is the thing.
-The poem just belongs.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The last _Century_ is not so distinctly medieval as some of its
-predecessors.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Mrs. Robert Humphrey Elsmere Ward has quit twaddling for a space. “Bessie
-Costrell” is ended, and it’s a toss up between jubilate and nunc dimittis.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The current _Atlantic_ is very pacific—not to say mild.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The June _Chautauquan_ really praises “newspaper English.” This is the
-time of year when the Reservation wants all the newspaper English it can
-get for nothing.
-
-The amazing thing about that Amazing Marriage is the lot of talk the
-proof reader has read about it.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Tarbell discovered Napoleon, but McClure discovered Tarbell. Now let’s
-have a series of living documents—“Tarbell at 8,” “Tarbell at 9:30,”
-“Tarbell at 46,” etc.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The World, the Flesh and the Devil have gone out of partnership in the
-’Frisco _News-Letter_. The head of the firm retires.
-
-
-
-THE SPOTTED SPRINTER.
-
-AFTER THE MANNER OF MR. STEAMIN’ STORK.
-
-
- I saw a man making a fool of himself;
- He was writing a poem,
- Scratch, scratch, scratch went his pen,
- “Go ’way, Man,” says I; “you can’t do it.”
- He picked up a handful of red devils and
- Threw them at my head.
- “You infernal liar,” he howled,
- “I can write poetry with my toes!”
- I was disquieted. I turned and
- Ran like a Blue Streak for the Horizon,
- Yelling Bloody Murder.
- When I got there I
- Bit a piece out of it
- And lay down on my stomach and
- Thought.
- And breathed hard.
-
-
-AN EARNEST CRY AND PRAYER.
-
-ADDRESSED TO THE BAIRNS AND OTHER RELATIVES OF ALL SUCCESSFUL AUTHORS.
-
- Ye kin of unco’ writing men,
- How can ye sing sae weak, sae flat;
- How can ye wag the little pen,
- And I sae weary and a’ that!
-
- A near relation ye may ain,
- Wha’s joyed me muckle in the past—
- That canna sooth my inward pain—
- Ye’ll break my swelling heart at last!
-
- Thou well mayst be a poet’s son,
- And still shouldst gather trolley fare;
- The daughter of a mighty one,
- And yet shouldst maul the typewritair!
-
- Oh, relatives of canny men,
- Think ye that I’ve a heart to feel;
- Stay, stay the wild cavorting pen,
- And gie my wounds a chance to heal.
-
- THE AHKOOND OF SWAT.
-
-
-TO THE NICEST GIRL.
-
-AFTER THE FRENCH OF PIERRE DE RONSARD.
-
- Eyes of brown: The major key
- In which, ’tis plain, days ought to be,
- Seems all in minor chords; the strings
- Have slipped down half-a-tone, and things
- Are dark as blackest night to me.
-
- And why? Because your brown eyes bring
- The vision of a heart to me;
- The vision of a heart to sing
- Of Life and Love and Loyalty—
- I may not win. That’s why the strings
- Are out of tune.
-
- H. P. T.
-
-
-
-
-ADVERTISEMENTS.
-
-
-ROCK & BUMBALL, Literary Undertakers.
-
-Peacock Feather Caskets a Specialty. Caxton Building, Chicago.
-
- * * * * *
-
-USE BLISS CARMAN’S CONDITION Powders. Make poets lay. Chicago and Canada.
-
- * * * * *
-
-H₂ BOYSEN, Literary Analyst.
-
-Ibsen interpreted while you wait. Columbia College, N. Y.
-
- * * * * *
-
-WALTER QUEER NICHOLS, ONE of Harper’s Young People, Manufacturer Castoria
-Jokes. Warranted harmless. Address Harper’s Drawer, Franklin Square, New
-York.
-
- * * * * *
-
-MAVERICK BRANDER MATTHEWS, Dealer in Local Color in bulk or tubes.
-Columbia College, New York. Write for specimens. Reference, Bacheler,
-Johnson & Bacheler.
-
- * * * * *
-
-WEE WILLIE WINTER, DESIGNER of graveyards. Weeps to order. References: A.
-Daly, L. Langtry, A. Rehan.
-
- * * * * *
-
-CABLEGRAM.
-
- Nice, 1 Juin.
-
- To Bumball, Chicago:
-
- PHILISTINE received. Fire Carman.
-
- Rock.
-
- Coll $7.61.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_MEDITATIONS IN MOTLEY._
-
-By WALTER BLACKBURN HARTE
-
-“Meditations in Motley” reveals a new American essayist, honest and
-whimsical, with a good deal of decorative plain speaking. An occasional
-carelessness of style is redeemed by unfailing insight.—I. ZANGWILL in
-_The Pall Mall Magazine_ for April, 1895.
-
-A series of well written essays, remarkable on the whole for observation,
-refinement of feeling and literary sense. The book may be taken as a
-wholesome protest against the utilitarian efforts of the Time-Spirit,
-and as a plea for the rights and liberties of the imagination. We
-congratulate Mr. Harte on the success of his book.—_Public Opinion_,
-London, England.
-
-Mr. Harte is not always so good in the piece as in the pattern, but he
-is often a pleasant companion, and I have met with no volume of essays
-from America since Miss Agnes Repplier’s so good as his “Meditations in
-Motley.”—RICHARD LE GALLIENNE, in the London _Review_.
-
-PRICE, CLOTH $1.25.
-
-For sale by all Booksellers, or sent postpaid on receipt of price by THE
-PHILISTINE.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_LITTLE JOURNEYS_
-
-To the Homes of Good Men and Great.
-
-_A series of literary studies published in monthly numbers, tastefully
-printed on hand-made paper, with attractive title-page._
-
-By ELBERT HUBBARD
-
-The publishers announce that Little Journeys will be issued monthly and
-that each number will treat of recent visits made by Mr. Elbert Hubbard
-to the homes and haunts of various eminent persons. The subjects for the
-first twelve numbers have been arranged as follows:
-
- 1. George Eliot
- 2. Thomas Carlyle
- 3. John Ruskin
- 4. W. E. Gladstone
- 5. J. M. W. Turner
- 6. Jonathan Swift
- 7. Victor Hugo
- 8. Wm. Wordsworth
- 9. W. M. Thackeray
- 10. Charles Dickens
- 11. Oliver Goldsmith
- 12. Shakespeare
-
-_LITTLE JOURNEYS: Published Monthly, 50 cents a year. Single copies. 5
-cents, postage paid._
-
-Published by G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS,
-
- 27 and 29 West 23d Street, New York.
- 24 Bedford Street, Strand, London.
-
-*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF
-PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) ***
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-<body>
-<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July 1895), by Various</p>
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
-at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
-are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
-country where you are located before using this eBook.
-</div>
-
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July 1895)</p>
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Various</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: June 23, 2022 [eBook #68382]</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p>
- <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.)</p>
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) ***</div>
-
-<div class="max30 boxdots">
-
-<p class="center larger"><span class="larger">The Philistine:</span><br />
-A Periodical of Protest.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p>“<i>Those Philistines who engender animosity, stir up trouble
-and then smile.</i>”—<i>John Calvin.</i></p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/cover-deco.jpg" width="100" height="115" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="noindent">Printed Every Little While for The Society
-of The Philistines and Published
-by Them Monthly. Subscription, One
-Dollar Yearly; Single Copies, 10 Cents.</p>
-
-<p class="center">Number 2.
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-&#160;
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" />
-July, 1895.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="max30">
-
-<div class="box">
-
-<p class="larger">The Bibelot</p>
-
-<div class="blockquote">
-
-<p class="noindent">A Reprint of Poetry
-and Prose for Book
-Lovers, chosen in part
-from scarce editions and
-sources not generally
-known....</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<p class="noindent">Printed for Thomas B. Mosher
-and Publish’d by him at 37 Exchange
-Street, Portland, Maine</p>
-
-<p class="center">Price 5 cents <span class="spacer">&#160;</span> 50 cents a year</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<p class="hanging">THE BIBELOT is issued monthly, beautifully printed
-on white laid paper, uncut, old style blue wrapper,
-in size a small quarto (5×6), 24 to 32 pages of
-text, and will be sent postpaid on receipt of subscription.
-Remit (preferably) by N. Y. Draft, or
-P. O. Money Order.</p>
-
-<p class="center">Numbers now ready.</p>
-
-<p class="hanging">January—Lyrics from William Blake. February—Ballades
-from Villon. March—Mediæval Student
-Songs. April—A Discourse of Marcus Aurelius.
-May—Fragments from Sappho. June—Sonnets on
-English Dramatic Poets.</p>
-
-<p class="right">THOMAS B. MOSHER, Portland, Maine.</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">Please Mention <span class="smcap">The Philistine</span>.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h1>THE PHILISTINE.</h1>
-
-<p class="center">Edited by H. P. Taber.</p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak">CONTENTS FOR JULY, 1895.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<table>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdc">JEREMIADS:</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#AN_INTERVIEW_WITH_THE_DEVIL">An Interview with the Devil</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Walter Blackburn Harte.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#FASHION_IN_LETTERS_AND_THINGS">Fashion in Letters and Things</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Elbert Hubbard.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#WHERE_IS_LITERATURE_AT">Where is Literature At?</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Eugene R. White.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#A_FREE_LUNCH_LEAGUE">A Free Lunch League</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">William McIntosh.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#THE_NEW_HAHNEMANN">The New Hahnemann</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Herbert L. Baker.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdc">OTHER THINGS:</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#SOME_LITTLE_VERSES">Some Little Verses</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Edwin R. Champlin.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#THE_LAUGHTER_OF_THE_GODS">The Laughter of the Gods</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">Rowland B. Mahany.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#THE_LORD_OF_LANTURLU">The Lord of Lanturlu</a>,</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdr">G. F. W.</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#SIDE_TALKS_WITH_THE_PHILISTINES">Side Talks with The Philistines.</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#SOME_MORE_VERSES">Some More Verses.</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class="tdl"><a href="#ADVERTISEMENTS">Advertisements.</a></td>
- </tr>
-</table>
-
-<div class="max30">
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The Philistine</span> is published monthly at $1 a
-year, 10 cents a single copy. Subscriptions may be
-left with newsdealers or sent direct to the publishers.</p>
-
-<p>Business communications should be addressed to
-<span class="smcap">The Philistine</span>. East Aurora, New York. Matter
-intended for publication may be sent to the same
-address or to Box 6, Cambridge, Massachusetts.</p>
-
-<p class="center"><i>Entered at the Postoffice at East Aurora, New York, for transmission
-as mail matter of the second class.</i></p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><i>COPYRIGHT, 1895.</i></p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_33"></a>[33]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak">THE PHILISTINE</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="subhead">
-
-<p class="center"><span class="allsmcap">NO. 2.</span> <span class="spacer">July, 1895.</span> <span class="allsmcap">VOL. 1.</span></p>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="SOME_LITTLE_VERSES">SOME LITTLE VERSES.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<h3>OF EDWARD ROWLAND SILL.</h3>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Since he is dead who once was so alive,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And all is living that in life he saw,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">His written words provoke in me an awe</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">And wonder if he still unseen doth thrive—</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">His inmost being true to life and law.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<h3>LOST JOY.</h3>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Whence joy came I do not know,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">But she left me long ago;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">In a heart that still is free</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">She abides—and loves not me.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Edwin R. Champlin.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="WHERE_IS_LITERATURE_AT">WHERE IS LITERATURE AT?</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
-<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-a.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="dropcap">At any time the sight of a Don Quixote leveling
-an earnest lance at a mill is inspiring, hence a
-book called <i>Degeneration</i>, by one Max Simon Nordau,
-is worthy of attention. The book has been discussed<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_34"></a>[34]</span>
-pro and con as fully as it deserved. If not forgotten
-it is reserved for another generation to adjudicate its
-value. Enough that it has stirred up a valiant mess,
-out of which can come nothing but good.</p>
-
-<p>As a whole it is worthless—it might well have been
-written by a son of Robert Elsmere and Mrs.
-Nickelby—for the mosaic of clever observation is
-wrought into a most grotesque picture. The perception
-of Mr. Nordau is fine, but his perspective is
-absurdly jumbled. The premises, logical enough,
-are made to form an absurd conclusion—yet the
-half-truths in the book are well worthy of note.</p>
-
-<p>Genius was an abnormality long before Nordau
-found it out from Lombroso. Granted that everybody
-who has risen above the dead level of mediocrity
-is a maniac, let us head the list with Jesus of
-Nazareth. But does that detract from the value of
-their work or the good of their mission? Moses
-may have had asymmetrical ears, and Blind Homer
-been possessed with all sorts of mental afflictions.
-That is not the point. What Mr. Nordau does show
-us is that the literature of this decade is self conscious
-and that it is marked in general by a hopeless
-lack of unity. Not that these facts were discovered
-by the captious German: Good lack, they are
-apparent enough, but he has surely emphasized
-them. And the object of this is to say a say about<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_35"></a>[35]</span>
-the present non-importance of modern literature’s
-self consciousness and its lack of unity.</p>
-
-<p>When one talks with a decrier of modernity, when
-our ears are stuffed with the prattle about self consciousness,
-should there be an attempt to say a word
-it is met with a flaunting statement about Homer.
-Homer is undeniably the great unsullied spring, the
-rock struck in the desert which pours forth a clear
-limpid stream. But the example does not serve. If
-Homer is pristine he is also primeval. Self consciousness
-in these days means nothing less than that
-one comprehends in part that momentous question of
-where we are at. Underlying which it means that
-it has a realizing sense of battles to fight and wrongs
-to retrieve. Marry and up, we might all be Homers
-had literature no past. The past is a millstone that
-has hung around the neck of many a sturdy man.</p>
-
-<p>Truth to tell, there must be a certain self consciousness
-nowadays if anything is to be done.
-Besides, what is self consciousness? Not the kind
-that mistakes the medium for the work accomplished,
-but a genuine hearty self consciousness. Is it not
-manifestly absurd to deny to the father of an idea the
-most complete conception of his paternity? Can we
-interpret the works of an author in any other proportion
-than that which exists between our understanding
-and his?</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_36"></a>[36]</span></p>
-
-<p>But Nordau’s principal <i>casus belli</i> is the present
-diversity in literature, he thinks; its lack of unity—a
-segregation which denotes decay.</p>
-
-<p>Pish!</p>
-
-<p>Diversity is a step towards universality. And is
-not the present aspect due primarily to a self
-assertive spirit, a declaration of individual independence
-in literature, built upon the lack of single
-leaders and the abolition of a great literary center?</p>
-
-<p>Take the literary capillarity of a great name. It
-has a marvelous effect, availing perhaps for all time,
-but scarcely to the succeeding generation. Dante,
-Shakespeare and the world’s sons are but the flood
-marks of a great literary tidal wave that crests with
-eternity. These marks leave such an influence on
-the next generation that they can only be viewed
-with wonder. And when that same next generation
-perceives that deeds were wrought on certain lines,
-behold a mad rush to build on the same, to blindly
-copy after the model, to servilely imitate the pattern.
-This is the damning power of the so-called classicists.
-Not having the original spontaneity, such
-doing accomplishes little more than to emasculate
-itself wittingly.</p>
-
-<p>Trend is an unseen thread in the warp and woof
-of literature. It bobs about, hides here and there,
-and who will say but now and then it drops a stitch?<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_37"></a>[37]</span>
-Yet the weave goes on for all that. Achievement in
-the realm of the real and the realm of the ideal are
-rarely synchronous. Literature acted as a John the
-Baptist for the Renaissance. Artistic expression
-antedated for centuries the march of science. Why
-should we of the purple trouble ourselves if science
-should now be the vanguard. It will be a close
-finish at the End of Things.</p>
-
-<p>The Sleeping Beauty is now all ready for the
-magic kiss. The Prince is perhaps bending over her.
-He has cut a way through the thorns, the briars and
-brambles that hedged her in. He has climbed the
-stairs and looks her at last squarely in the face. She
-will be awake while we yet pule and despair that
-there is no good in us and that if a good thing ever
-came out of Nazareth it was immediately and
-ignominiously pushed along by the rabble.</p>
-
-<p>That’s a close analogue, that Sleeping Beauty.
-Literature wanted not for thorns and brambles.
-Conventions, artificial ties and misconceptions were of
-the prickliest kind. Those that spring up where
-empty ancient forms are worshipped always are, but
-we have had some Princes with strong buskins, who
-laughed at the stings and bade the small things do
-their worst.</p>
-
-<p>Rossetti and the Pre-Raphaelites were of that kind.
-Walt Whitman lacked the princely qualities, the<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_38"></a>[38]</span>
-blue blood of prestige that would work the magic
-charm, but he was valiant for all that. And there
-have been others who have not lacked in bravery.</p>
-
-<p>Now, it is just that hardihood that Nordau derides.
-Let him creak and carp, let others erect their idols
-and worship thereat. Even fetiches have their use.
-The world wags on, however, and the line is forming
-anew. We will be happy yet.</p>
-
-<p>It is a Gargantuan task to get at the heart of this
-multiple age. He will be a Titan who does it.</p>
-
-<p>Form antedates concept. Thus far have we journeyed
-on this way of ours—the leaven of concept and
-of form both have broken out in patches here and
-there. Let someone arise who can master both.</p>
-
-<p>Then—</p>
-
-<p class="right">E. R. W.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_LAUGHTER_OF_THE_GODS">THE LAUGHTER OF THE GODS.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">The laughter of the Gods is clear</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And sweet to those who do not know</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">How, underneath its limpid flow,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Lurk envy, hatred, hope and fear.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Rowland B. Mahany.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_39"></a>[39]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="FASHION_IN_LETTERS_AND_THINGS">FASHION IN LETTERS AND THINGS.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
-<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-p.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="dropcap">Periodicity exists throughout all nature. Day
-and night, winter and summer, equinox and
-solstice; years of plenty and years of famine, commerce
-active and business depressed; volcanoes in
-state of eruption, then at rest; comets return, eclipses
-come back, the striae of one glacial period are deepened
-by those of another, and the leg o’ mutton sleeves
-that our grandmammas wore in the thirties are again
-upon us.</p>
-
-<p>When the hounds start game in the mountains, the
-hunter knowing that the deer moves in a circle, stands
-still on the run-way, biding his time. So no one
-need wail and strike his breast if his raiment is out of
-style: all such should be consoled by the fact that
-the fashion is surely coming back.</p>
-
-<p>Mode in dress is only an outcrop of a general law.
-Why does fashion change? Because it is the fashion.
-The followers of fashion—that is to say, civilized men
-and women—are not content with being all alike.
-Esquimaux and Hottentots never vary their styles.
-But people in the temperate zones are intemperate
-and desire to excel—to be different from others—distinctive,
-peculiar, individual. Very seldom is any
-one strong enough to stand alone, so in certain social
-circles, by common consent, all overcoats are cut one<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_40"></a>[40]</span>
-length—say, to come just above the knee. Then
-this overcoat is gradually lowered: to the knee, just
-below the knee, to the ankle—until it conceals the
-feet. Then an enormous collar is added, which
-when turned up and viewed from behind completely
-hides the man. But this thing cannot last; it is not
-many days before the same men are wearing overcoats
-so short that the wearers look like matadors
-ready for the fray.</p>
-
-<p>Ladies wear hoops; the hoops expand and expand,
-until the maximum of possibility in size is reached.
-Something must be done! The crinoline contracts
-until these same ladies appear in clinging skirts, and
-the pull-back lives its little hour. Then the former
-width of the dress is used to lengthen it. The skirt
-touches the ground, trails two inches, six, eight, a
-foot, two feet. Its length becomes too great to drag
-and so is carried, to the great inconvenience of its
-owner; or in banquet halls pages are employed. But
-this is too much, a protest comes and two hundred
-women in Boston agree to appear on the streets the
-first rainy day in skirts barely coming to the boot top.
-“Dress Reform” societies spring up, magazines become
-the organs of the protestants and the printing
-presses run over time.</p>
-
-<p>The garb of the Quaker is only a revulsion from a
-flutter of ribbons and towering headgear. From<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_41"></a>[41]</span>
-Beau Brummel lifting his hat with great flourish and
-uncovering on slight excuse, we have William Penn
-who uncovers to nobody; the height of Brummel’s
-hat finds place in the width of Penn’s.</p>
-
-<p>All things move in an orbit.</p>
-
-<p>Even theories have their regular times of incubation.
-They are hatched, grow lusty, crow in falsetto
-or else cackle; then they proceed to scratch in the
-flower beds of conservatism to the hysterical fear of
-good old ladies, who shoo them away. Or if the
-damage seems serious, the ladies set dogs—the lap-dogs
-of war—upon them.</p>
-
-<p>“The sun do move;” Brother Jasper is right.
-All things move. And when matters get pushed to a
-point where they fall on t’other side, a Reformer appears.
-The people proclaim him king, but he modestly
-calls himself “Protector.” He is spoken of in
-history as the Savior of the State.</p>
-
-<p>There are only two classes of men who live in history:
-those who crowd a thing to its extreme limit,
-and those who then arise and cry “Hold!” A
-Pharaoh makes a Moses possible. The latter we
-write down in our books as immortal, the first as infamous.</p>
-
-<p>This is true of all who live in history, whether in
-the realm of politics, religion or art. History is only
-a record of ideas (or lack of them) pushed to a point<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_42"></a>[42]</span>
-where revulsion occurs. If Rome had been moderate,
-Luther would have had no excuse.</p>
-
-<p>Literature obeys the law; its orbit is an ellipse.
-The illustrious names in letters are those of the men
-who have stood at aphelion or perihelion and waved
-the flaring comet back.</p>
-
-<p>The so-called great poets are the men stationed by
-fate at these pivotal points. And as fires burn brightest
-when the wind is high, so these men facing mob
-majorities have, through opposition, had their intellects
-fanned into a flame.</p>
-
-<p>More than thirteen decisive battles have taken
-place in the world of letters. And the question at
-issue has always been the same: Radical and Conservative
-calling themselves Realist, Romanticist,
-Veritist or What-not struggling for supremacy.</p>
-
-<p>Term it “Veritism” and “Impressionism” if you
-prefer—juggle the names and put your Union troops
-in gray, but this does not change the question.</p>
-
-<p>The battle between the two schools of literature is
-a football game. The extreme goal on one side is
-tea table chatter, on the other an obscure symbolism.
-“The difference is this:” said Dion Boucicault,
-“when Romanticism goes to seed it is ‘rot;’ when
-Realism reaches a like condition it is only ‘drivel.’”</p>
-
-<p>In literary production why should we hear so much
-about the dignity of this school and the propriety of<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_43"></a>[43]</span>
-that. Men who fail to appreciate the individual excellence
-of a certain literary output, declare it to be
-without sense and therefore base. In letters they assume
-that a style is wholly good or it is wholly bad.
-They make no allowances for temperament; they
-would have all men speak in one voice.</p>
-
-<p>Yet liberty need not result in disorder, nor can originality
-serve as a pretext for boozy inaccuracy. In
-a literary production the bolder the conception the
-more irreproachable should be the execution.</p>
-
-<p>There is a tendency for thought to get fixed in set
-forms, and this form is always that which has been
-used by some great man. For any one to express
-thought and feeling in a different way is blasphemy to
-the eunuchs who guard the tents of Tradition.</p>
-
-<p>Writers of different schools exist because their style
-fits the mind of a certain style of reader. The sprightly,
-animated picturesqueness, the play of wit and flights
-of imagination are only a full expression of what many
-faintly feel. Thus their mood is mirrored and their
-thought expressed: hence they are pleased.</p>
-
-<p>In fact the only reason why we like a writer is because
-he expresses our thought in a way we like.
-And the reason we dislike a writer is because he deals
-in that which is not ours. We of course might grow
-to like him, but the process is slow, for according to
-Herbert Spencer we must hear a thing six hundred<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_44"></a>[44]</span>
-times before we understand. If we comprehend a
-proposition at once, it is only because it was ours already.
-If the portrayal of a situation in fiction fascinates
-us, it is because we (in fancy or fact) have
-gone before and spied out the land.</p>
-
-<p>There must be more than one school of literature,
-because there is more than one mood of mind: just
-as in religion there must be many sects. We worship
-God not only in sincerity and truth, but according to
-the temperament our mothers gave us.</p>
-
-<p>The emotional “school of religion” finds its votaries
-in Methodism: Methodism fits a certain mind.
-The stately dignity of the Ritualist is a necessity to
-a certain cast of intellect. And until we get a church
-that is broad enough, and deep enough, and high
-enough to allow for temperament in men, “church
-union” will exist only as an abstract idea.</p>
-
-<p>Until we have a school of literature that will combine
-all schools and give the liberty to a full expression
-of every mood, there will be a warfare between
-the “sects” that give free rein to imagination and
-the sect that, having no imagination, merely describes.
-When one school driven by the jibes and jeers of the
-other tilts to t’other side, a heavy man will start the
-teeter back, and he is the man we crown.</p>
-
-<p>And let us ever crown the heavy man when we
-find him.</p>
-
-<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Elbert Hubbard.</span></p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_45"></a>[45]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_LORD_OF_LANTURLU">THE LORD OF LANTURLU.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<p class="hanging allsmcap"><span class="smcap">IDEA, METRE AND REFRAIN CRIBBED FROM THE
-FRENCH OF GABRIEL VICAIRE AS SET FORTH IN
-<i>Le Figaro</i> OF MARCH 30, 1895 (<i>q. v.</i>).</span></p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">When swallows southward flew,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Forth rode in armor fair</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Vowed he to cross the brine,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Pausing not night nor day,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">That he might Paynims slay</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">In Palestine.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Faithful a knight and true</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">As you’d find anywhere,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Half a league on his way</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Met him a shepherdess,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Beaming in loveliness,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Sweet as young day.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Gazed in her eyes of blue,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Saw Love in hiding there,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">“Let the foul Paynim wait,”</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Plead Love, “and rest with me;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Sullen and cold the sea,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Here’s brighter fate.”</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="center">...</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_46"></a>[46]</span>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">When swallows northward flew,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Back to his home did fare</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Led he his charger gray,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Bearing a shepherdess</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Beaming with loveliness,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Sweet as young day.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">White lambs, beribboned blue,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Herded with anxious care</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Fine sport of him they made,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Knights famous, old and lone,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Strength, youth and hope all gone</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">In the Crusade.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">But in their hearts they knew,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">“He hath the better fare—</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And Lanturlu.”</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse right">G. F. W.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="A_FREE_LUNCH_LEAGUE">A FREE LUNCH LEAGUE.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
-<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-b.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="dropcap">Before George Du Maurier created the one
-complaisant female who is admitted into all
-the good society of Europe and America he achieved
-some fame as the author of a recipe for keeping
-peace in families. The good wife was to apply the<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_47"></a>[47]</span>
-prescription, and it read “Feed the Brute.”
-Whether this meant to keep a good cook or to cater
-to the element in human nature which the paradox
-of civilization constantly brings into abnormal prominence
-among the overwrought people Mr. Du
-Maurier describes, is not clear. The man as a whole
-or his grosser nature may be the brute referred to.
-But the policy of feeding the unidentified fauna of
-Mr. Du Maurier’s world is in no doubt. Modern
-custom has settled the most direct road to satisfaction
-of the men and women who compose society. You
-may see its sign boards at any formal social meeting,
-and they all point to the dining room.</p>
-
-<p>When <span class="smcap">The Philistine</span> said some time ago that
-hospitality had become an exchange he meant an
-exchange of food. There is no plainer way to state
-the fact—short of nausea. Of course hospitality does
-not start at eating. That is where it ends. The
-starting point is the purest courtesy—the <i>caritas</i> that
-“seeketh not her own,” “is not puffed up” and
-“abideth” as the head of the trinity of eternal
-virtues. But on the most generous of virtues grows
-the most selfish of vices, and ostentation is the
-death-dealing parasite that destroys primitive
-hospitality.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Moor Gage lives in the suburbs. It is the
-proper place to live—if you can. She has neighbors<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_48"></a>[48]</span>
-and likes them. She calls, swaps cards with the
-ladies, imbibes a little hot water, and then gets
-along where her social position requires somebody
-should be fed. She is just as good as Mrs. Taxsale
-on the other avenue, so hospitality alone won’t fill
-the bill. A caterer must mince this dinner. Mr.
-Moor Gage must perspire later on, but now is feeding
-time. At much expense the food is arranged
-for. At more expense virgin dresses must be gotten
-together, if all hands stitch and try on till the hour
-the dinner comes. When they are gone, feeders and
-fed draw one breath of content. “It’s all over.”</p>
-
-<p>Or, is it a reception. The hospitality is all in the
-front of the house. That’s where the receiving
-party are. But the procession doesn’t linger there.
-It moves rearward. The animals are to be fed. If
-one doubts the sincerity of this movement let him
-recall the comments of those who “couldn’t get to
-the dining room” at the last distribution of eatables.</p>
-
-<p>Of course when Mrs. Taxsale opens her larder to
-her friends she will have a little better “stuff”—they
-really do call it by that name in competent
-society—and so the auction goes on. Sometimes
-card parties and other social efforts not primarily
-connected with digestion get mixed up with catering.
-The result is usually disastrous. Bidding gets too
-high for some of the members. The bargain day<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_49"></a>[49]</span>
-pace is too fast. There ends the card club.</p>
-
-<p>There are persons, here and there, who think
-there is something finer than feeding in courtesy.
-They are Philistines. They object to materialism,
-even when it swamps only the things of this world.
-It is also reported, on somewhat vague evidence,
-that refined literary people are not so given to feeding
-as the common folks of Mr. Du Maurier’s world.
-It is to bear a suggestion to these that this is
-written. Literary persons being functionally the
-makers of custom have a great glory within easy
-reach. Let them crystallize their scattered atoms of
-protest in an Anti Free Lunch League. It may take
-some self denial, but there is the compensating
-pleasure of mutual admiration when they gather at a
-call like this:</p>
-
-<div class="boxdots">
-
-<p><i>Miss Basbleu will be pleased to welcome
-you at her residence</i></p>
-
-<p class="center"><i>Tuesday evening</i></p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><i>to meet Mr. Patemback.</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Nordau at 11.</i></p>
-
-</div>
-
-<p>Contemplation of the infinite fall will take the
-place of supper in a most edifying way. It is to be<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_50"></a>[50]</span>
-presumed that literary people have had something
-to eat at home.</p>
-
-<p>The segregation of society thus begun will leave
-the materialists who compose its majority to follow
-out their instincts, and it will be reasonable to look
-for a vast improvement in eating entertainments in
-consequence. Mrs. Moor Gage and Mrs. Taxsale
-will then be freer to advertise their attractions—as
-thus:</p>
-
-<div class="boxdots">
-
-<p><i>Your company is requested on</i></p>
-
-<p class="center"><i>Wednesday evening</i></p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><i>at the residence of Mrs. Moor Gage,</i></p>
-
-<p class="center"><i>Five Per Cent Avenue,</i></p>
-
-<p class="right"><i>Syndicate Park.</i></p>
-
-<p><i>H. L. at 11.</i></p>
-
-</div>
-
-<p>“H. L.” means hot lunch, which may be varied
-indefinitely. It is plainly a great improvement on
-“Dancing at 9.” You get dancing everywhere.
-Specifications may be introduced. For those who
-don’t like bread pencils and ice cream shingles something
-more solid may be put on the bill of fare, which
-will in time serve as the invitation also.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_51"></a>[51]</span></p>
-
-<p>The suggestion is made in the interest of sincerer
-living. If we are to “feed the brute,” why not say
-so?</p>
-
-<p class="right">W. M.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_NEW_HAHNEMANN">THE NEW HAHNEMANN.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
-<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-t.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="dropcap">The taste for literature in homeopathic doses
-seems to be growing. If this thing keeps on, the
-time may come when knowledge will be put up like
-pills or wafers or tablets. And a great convenience
-it would be to the busy sons of American toil. If
-one wished to prepare an article on some historical
-subject, for instance, he could buy a box of Motley’s
-American Pills or Gibbon’s Roman Tablets, and take
-one after another until the requisite amount of historical
-information were absorbed. It would also be
-pleasant, if a gentle titillation of the literary senses
-were desired, to buy a few Richard Harding Davis
-wafers and lie down to delightful dreams. Or in
-case one’s conscience became unusually obstreperous,
-he could take Biblical tabules till his system was
-soaked with sanctity. If one’s pessimism were temporarily
-upmost, he could find plenty of Nordau’s
-pillules to help him enjoy his misery while the fit
-lasted. It’s a great scheme. Methinks the dim distant
-future holds a publisher’s announcement similar
-to this:</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_52"></a>[52]</span></p>
-
-<div class="blockquote">
-
-<p class="center"><i>JUST ISSUED</i>:</p>
-
-<p class="hanging">“<span class="smcap">Some Impressions and a Fit.</span>”</p>
-
-<p class="hanging">By Mark Nye Bunner. In twelve pills and two
-boxes. In plain pasteboard boxes, $1.00 per box.
-In gilt edge boxes, uncut, $2.00 per box. By all
-means the strongest work of this popular condenser.
-It is not too much to say that there is
-more giggle in each pill than can be found in any
-similar work. And the fit at the end—well, it is
-wholly indescribable. Long Greens &amp; Co., Literary
-Dispensatory, Chicago and London. Sent prepaid
-by telepath, on receipt of price.</p>
-
-<p class="center allsmcap">A FEW CRITICISMS.</p>
-
-<p class="hanging"><i>Washington Roast</i>: “Not a dull pill in the box.”</p>
-
-<p class="hanging"><i>New York Rostrum</i>: “Very clever. After taking
-one pill, the reader cannot put down the box until
-he has taken all its contents.”</p>
-
-<p class="hanging"><i>Chicago Between-Seas</i>: “Cannot contain our disgust.
-Tried to digest the contents of these boxes,
-but threw up the job after taking one pill.”</p>
-
-<p class="hanging"><i>New Orleans Pickatune</i>: “The pills lead gently and
-pleasantly up to the final mystery when the Fit
-clears everything up in a very sensational manner.
-More such pills would have a highly beneficial effect
-upon modern literature.”</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Herbert L. Baker.</span></p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco5.jpg" width="50" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_53"></a>[53]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="AN_INTERVIEW_WITH_THE_DEVIL">AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
-<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-i.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="dropcap">It is only during inclement weather that writers
-who cannot command the oracular and prophetic
-freedom, which is the proud possession of the
-morning and evening journals, can hope to gain
-even the smallest audience; for the masses are
-more hungry for facts which lie, than for the truth,
-or even those fine fantasies that afford us some surcease
-of wide-open eyed sorrow. If this paper is
-ever read at all, it should be read in gloomy weather.
-Indeed, it is intended to be read on a gray day, as it
-was written on a wild night. Only very robust
-imaginations feel the fascination or the eternal questions
-of life and death in the wide ample world of
-broad, white sunlight; for their animal spirits get
-the better of their reason. In rainy weather we
-writers flatten our noses against the panes of strange
-windows, lost to all sense of propriety, in the wild
-hope that some one within is reading one of our
-amusing works. In the case of the present writer,
-however, it is all proper to say that he has suffered
-disillusionment so often that he has espoused a chill
-dignity, and sits at home and reads his own works
-in a spirit of grim appreciation. Indeed, accepting
-the appalling vacuity of the million noisy heads as an
-incurable fact—a fact that should chasten the vanity<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_54"></a>[54]</span>
-of those whose hopes and ambitions and thought
-are borne and blown hither and thither, like puff-balls
-upon the acclaiming wind of ten thousand
-pairs of lungs—it may be said with perfect propriety
-that it is nothing less than impertinence for any writer,
-who aims to rise above the biting lechery of the common
-imaginations, to expect to find readers under
-clear skies. Even the midsummer sun, which is
-surely innocent of any such evil intention, seems to
-only ripen distracting noises in the minds of the
-vast majority sunk in the turgid mean of commonplace;
-for how many good souls can be bothered
-with anything more abstract than the very latest
-soggy novel, just hot and dirty from the press, in
-sunshiny weather? Even moonshine is wasted upon
-all but those feather-brains on the lookout for ghosts.</p>
-
-<p>And it may be noted, although it is not strictly relevant,
-that, with the multiplication of periodicals of
-one sort and another, even stormy weather is beginning
-to fail the few writers in our day who are
-audacious enough to still cling to the old ambitions
-of letters, in spite of worldly prudence and all the
-warnings of the literary tip-staffs who infallibly know
-“the market”—for in the periodical world it is
-raining hot-baked sensations and novelties every
-hour in the twenty-four—the depressing vulgar commonplaces
-that have made up the round of human<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_55"></a>[55]</span>
-existence from the dawn of history and always will.
-But we must make up our minds to accept this as one
-of the small ironies of life: thought is smothered in an
-immense spawn of crocodile words. The newspapers
-we have always with us; and they succeed in making
-such an unceasing and damnable din that only an
-insignificant minority of exceptionally cool heads
-can hear themselves think.</p>
-
-<p>It is worthy of remark that the printing press has
-contributed in no small degree toward driving the
-Devil out of orthodox theology. This is a fact,
-although Atheists, Rationalists and Materialists claim
-the credit of it. Indeed, His Eminence confessed to
-me, over a bottle of Lachryma Christi at the Theological
-Club, that he was completely discouraged, and
-he announced that he was revolving in his mind the
-expediency of abandoning the long and honorable
-career, which he has enjoyed in the polity of human
-life. He said that he had found his old-fashioned
-and painstaking tortuous methods of depraving men’s
-minds suddenly rendered absolutely puerile, ridiculous
-and contemptible by comparison with the
-unwearied and stupendous operations of the steam-presses
-of journalism. The meeting depressed me
-greatly; for whatever opinions other folk may profess
-to hold of the Devil, the more sober imaginations,
-the humorous writers, will always be glad to<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_56"></a>[56]</span>
-testify to the ungrudged and inestimable services he
-has continually rendered them in their arduous and
-ill-paid calling. I have since learned definitely that
-the Devil was in good earnest, and has retired into
-a voluntary exile, whence endless deputations of
-learned, suppliant, apologetic and furious theologians
-have endeavored to coax him, but entirely in vain.
-He has abdicated, he replies steadfastly, forever;
-and the desperate situation of the theologians, whose
-calling and character is seriously imperiled by his
-obstinacy, leaves him perfectly unmoved. He declares
-he has been long abandoned by those who
-flourished upon the pleasantries which he devised to
-make life amusing, and being under no sort of moral
-obligation to ingrates who have publicly held his
-name and character in abhorrence, he cheerfully
-abandons them to their wretched fate. He himself
-is humbled; let them taste of his bitterness, as they
-have shared in his prosperity, without any honest
-acknowledgment of his benefaction. He is still
-great enough to preserve his dignity; let them preserve
-their own as best they can. And this ought
-not to be a difficult business; for there are still a
-multitude of fools in the world, and any new noisy
-dogma is not more than twenty-four hours old before
-a million credulous heads believe it embodies the immanent
-truth of the universe. Such subtle wits as the<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_57"></a>[57]</span>
-theologians, and those whom they serve, can assuredly
-find a way out of the mire of misfortune, as the
-multitude is always hospitable to miracle workers,
-though deaf and blind to facts and truth.</p>
-
-<p>The Devil himself, however, has discovered the
-ironies of the ambition that can only prosper upon
-the folly of fools. He recognizes the omnipotence
-of his rivals, the omniscient journalists, in this vineyard,
-and is content to let them discover in due time
-that wisdom does not consist in the counting of
-noses, and that mere bawdy optimism brings its own
-dissatisfaction. And, moreover, in retiring, the
-Devil is sustained by the firm conviction that his old
-laborious schemes for the befuddlement and bewilderment
-and corruption of mankind will not only be
-ably continued, but improved and surpassed in subtlety
-and thoroughness by these audacious and
-unscrupulous successors. So his decision is irrevocable;
-he has abdicated forever. Emulation would
-but emphasize the futile and ludicrous pretensions of
-his old ingrate protegees, the theologians; and the
-Devil is not ungenerous, even in misfortune, even to
-those base hypocrites who have enjoyed his protection
-and reviled him. Then, retirement with dignity
-is better than embittered ambition and a fall without
-dignity. As he points out—and those who have
-known him in better days should assuredly sustain<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_58"></a>[58]</span>
-him in his noble and philosophic humility, so rare
-among the great of fallen fortunes—it is worse than
-useless for him to labor painfully to cultivate a deep
-and stirring delight in original sin in one promising
-little urchin, spending weary days and anxious and
-tender solicitude on the hard benches of the public
-schools, when the great and omniscient newspaper
-press can at any given moment set a whole nation,
-or even the whole civilized world, crawling upon all
-fours, nosing and wallowing in filth. Only a few
-aboriginal tribes escape, and the Devil does not deem
-these worthy of cultivation, since civilization is
-encroaching upon them and their days are already
-numbered.</p>
-
-<p>The Devil was always notoriously an abandoned
-pessimist, and his dismal view of the outcome
-of the great modern passion for literacy is
-probably due to disappointed ambition and malevolence;
-for, granting all the suffocating triviality and
-vulgarity of the Sabbatical literature dished up in
-the seventh day’s newspapers, it must always in strict
-justice be remembered that long and beautiful abstracts
-of sermons of soporific platitude, and charmingly
-convincing illogic, appear regularly in the
-Monday morning issues. And so optimists may feel
-that the morals of civilization are safe.</p>
-
-<p>But, on the other hand, evil tongues cannot be<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_59"></a>[59]</span>
-silenced. If the accumulation of facts were not such a
-patently depraved, atrabilious and libellous business,
-there would be fewer cynics, and cheerful, good natured
-optimism would expire for want of that venomous opposition
-which contracts hopeless stupidity into stony
-and barren virtue. Epigrams would become dissipated
-in the most undivided passion for truth, in order to
-diffuse it again into commonness among eager and
-hungry ears; but the fact is, these ears are now
-enamored of such noises as cost them no sort of
-intellectual effort.</p>
-
-<p>It may as well be stated here that the Devil has
-somehow lost a great deal of his popularity in the
-congregations of the elect, through the continual
-assaults of Philistines and the unfortunate discovery
-of natural facts, that have taken catastrophe out of
-the Devil’s hands and transferred it to the domain of
-inflexible and insensible law. But the moral cowardice
-revealed in this abandonment of the Devil is
-certainly pathetic. Yet we must remember that it is
-ever so—for the people who turn on us first are the
-ones we have most benefited. And this seems to be
-one of Nature’s devices for diverting our energies
-into new channels of well doing.</p>
-
-<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Walter Blackburn Harte.</span></p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_60"></a>[60]</span></p>
-
-<div class="figleft">
-<img src="images/deco3.jpg" width="170" height="100" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak hanging allsmcap" id="SIDE_TALKS_WITH_THE_PHILISTINES">SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES:
-BEING SUNDRY BITS OF
-WISDOM WHICH HAVE BEEN
-HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW
-SET FORTH IN PRINT. <img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /></h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>Bot.</i> Let me play the lion, too. I will roar, that I
-will do any man’s heart good to hear me; I will roar
-that I will make the duke say, “Let him roar again.
-Let him roar again.”</p>
-
-<p><i>Quin.</i> An you should do it too terribly, you would
-fright the duchess and the ladies, that they would
-shriek; and that were enough to hang us all.</p>
-
-<p><i>All.</i> That would hang us, every mother’s son.</p>
-
-<p><i>Bot.</i> I grant you, friends, if that you should fright
-the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more
-discretion but to hang us; but I will aggravate my
-voice so that I will roar you as gently as any sucking
-dove; I will roar you an ’twere any nightingale.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> To everything there is a season, and a time for
-every purpose under the heaven.</p>
-
-<p>There is a time to be born and a time to die; a
-time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is
-planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to
-break down and a time to build up; a time to weep
-and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to
-dance; a time to cast stones and a time to gather
-stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain
-from embracing; a time to get and a time to<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_61"></a>[61]</span>
-lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away; a
-time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silence
-and a time to speak; a time to love and a time
-to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.</p>
-
-<p>I have seen the tribulation that God has given to
-the sons of men; yet He has made everything beautiful
-in its time: and I know that there is no good
-but for a man to rejoice and to do the good that he
-can in life: and I would have every man eat and
-drink and enjoy the fruit of his labor, for this is the
-gift of God.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Our neighboring city of Buffalo is to be congratulated.
-The International League of Press Clubs will
-convene there next summer. A plumber who was
-accidentally blackballed by the Buffalo club writes
-me that they will come “some in rags and some in
-jags.”</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> If the women who wheel did but know it they
-would undoubtedly be influenced by the fact, patent
-to all men, that all the compromise garments for
-bicycle wear are hideous. There is no beauty in and
-of any of them. The more cut off they are the
-worse. There is only one element of grace about
-drapery, and that is in its flowing lines. The cut-off
-Russian blouses are no lovelier than a high hat or a
-hydrant cover. By and by, when Philistine good<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_62"></a>[62]</span>
-sense shall have won dominion over the ladies who
-bike, it will be discovered by them that there is no
-essential impurity in dress. The woman who does
-masculine things should wear masculine covering.
-Why not? Is it to be assumed that the pedal
-branches of the human form divine are by any
-natural law under ban? Or is it custom that makes
-the difference? If so, it will be deemed indecent
-one of these days to drape the arms, now hidden in
-balloons, in the tight sleeves of our elder sisters.</p>
-
-<p>It may be guessed at a venture, there being no
-authority except that nebulous tyranny that controls
-all matters of feminine custom, that the difficulty
-would be met in some measure if the fair wheelers
-did not have to get off the machine in public view.
-Even a man is apt to be embarrassed when he walks
-the pavement with a clamp around his nether
-drapery, both looking and feeling as if he had been
-through burdocks and come away loaded. It is of
-easy recollection how one feels on the board walk
-with clinging garments that were all right in the
-water a moment ago. The ladies might be willing
-to wear knickerbockers—and they ought to be told
-that in nothing else would they look so well—if by
-some contrivance a fall of drapery sheltered the too-freely
-evidenced pedestals of beauty when off the
-wheel. What Felix will invent such a curtain and<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_63"></a>[63]</span>
-a way of keeping it out of the way when not wanted?
-Here is an opening for genius—and a beneficent one,
-for by such devices is civilization advanced.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Mrs. Frank Guesslie has written an article on <i>How
-My Husbands Proposed</i>. It will be syndicated by the
-National Thought Supply and Newspaper Feeding
-Company.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> A newspaper that does much show printing announces
-in big headlines: “A Woman Clown. The
-Only One Is With Barnum and Bailey.” Barnum
-and Bailey reside in different climates just now. That
-“only” woman clown must be as ubiquitous as Sydney
-Smith’s Scot.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The Boston Woman’s Rescue League has the
-champion non sequitur. The league is against bicycling
-by women, and announces the startling discovery
-that “thirty per cent of the girls that have
-come to the Rescue League for aid were bicycle riders
-at one time.” Probably one hundred per cent of the
-same were innocent girls at one time. Maybe it was
-when they biked.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> I understand there’s a movement in the Back Bay
-gravel pit of Boston, Mass., to abolish the word
-“Mr.” on calling cards. Some of the three-named
-have been a little crowded for space, perhaps, or it<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_64"></a>[64]</span>
-may be that they dimly realize that it isn’t good taste
-to call oneself by a complimentary title. Some clergymen
-refuse to sign “Rev.” before their names, or
-put it in parenthesis as if to have it beyond their personal
-reach, as New England ladies write “(Miss)”
-and others “(Mrs.)”. Good Philistines need not
-be told that Mr. means Master and is a compliment
-in the second person. It is of a piece with lifting
-the hat, theoretically a helmet, to the person whom
-you respect. That was the old time vote of confidence.
-You thus expressed the belief that he
-wouldn’t brain you with a broadsword at the first opportunity.
-Giving the hand was another token of
-disarmament as a mark of confidence. Bowing the
-head also invited the knightly salute with any convenient
-weapon. With this went a more or less sincere
-confession of his imputed power. You called
-him “master,” which became “mister” by corruption.
-Our imitative good society has forgotten
-the meaning of the thing it imitates, as usual. Our
-ready-made coats of arms seldom fit. He that is
-greatest calls himself servant, according to good authority,
-and not master. Even Beacon Hill and the
-adjacent desert seems to have come to a realization of
-the fact. We may look for the cards of John De
-Smythe Smythe or Perkins Hopkinson Revere with
-Mr. in brackets or omitted one of these days.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_65"></a>[65]</span></p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> “Mamma,” said seven-year-old, in the suburbs,
-“when will somebody’s house or somebody’s barn
-burn up?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know,” said mamma, “I hope never.
-But I suppose they will sometime.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said the son, with a sigh, “it’s an awful
-long time since we had a good fire.”</p>
-
-<p>Thus we see that even calamity may furnish entertainment
-for the simple and sincere.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Rock &amp; Bumball, of Chicago, announce a new
-volume by Gallbert Faker. Its title is <i>Scenes in the
-Boshy Hills</i>.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Several mighty and high church bishops in this
-country are out against “the new woman.” It is
-noted that they don’t say anything against “the old
-woman” in general or in particular.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>How to Carry a Cat in a Basket</i> is the attractive
-title of an article to appear in the forthcoming
-<i>Ladies’ Fireside Fudge</i>, from the pen of its gifted
-editor, Mr. E. W. Sok.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> There are things in these maxnordo days that are
-enough to make a man strike his father—for something
-besides a loan. For instance, a few weeks
-since we had the peculiar spectacle of the Marquis of
-Queensbury being done up by his son according to<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_66"></a>[66]</span>
-London rules; and now in the last issue of the <i>Chip-Munk</i>
-we see “A Recent Writer in <i>Scribner’s</i>” well
-cuffed by a boy of whom he is the author.
-“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth,” etc.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Judge Tourgee is still making straw without bricks
-in the <i>Basis</i>.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Now that Mrs. Cady Stanton has launched her
-Woman’s Bible, let her prepare to enter a woman’s
-heaven. The men won’t be in it.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Robert Grant is getting democratic. He is down
-as far as the summer girl in the current <i>Scribner</i>.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>The Napoleon on the Hearth</i> is a new magazine
-announced from New York. It will bear the subtitle,
-<i>Every Man His Own Bonaparte Revival</i>.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> A new book by Mr. Poultry Bigead is about
-ready. It will be called <i>My Collection of Stones
-from Cherries Eaten by the German Emperor</i>, and
-will contain a frontispiece of <i>Cavalry Horses Having
-Spasms</i>, by a well known artist.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> On what ought to be very good authority I am told
-that if the women who wheel adopt knickerbockers,
-there will be more care of the female infants of the
-next generation. Some of the ladies who most
-strongly object to the advanced and advancing style<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_67"></a>[67]</span>
-are said to have good reasons in the matter of physical
-conformation. I know parents who are very
-careful not to let their boy babies stand alone too
-early, fearing bow legs. Perhaps the parents of the
-future will be equally careful about their girlies, in
-view of the changing fashion in nether drapery.</p>
-
-<p>Apropos of this, I know a very pleasant little lady—pleasant,
-but thin—whose brother is a sad wag.
-“Adelaide,” he said to her last Tuesday, “if you
-wear those new knickerbockers of yours out on the
-street, you’ll get yourself arrested for having no visible
-means of support.”</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> It is asserted that Mr. George A. Hibbard is perfectly
-serious.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> It is really too bad that a magazine which lives up
-to its standard so well as the <i>Overland Monthly</i>
-should try to make us believe that its illustrations are
-much better than those in Frank Leslie’s <i>Budget</i>.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>How I Wrote the Account of How I Wrote My
-First Book</i>, by General Louisa Wallace, author of
-<i>Bob Hur</i>, is announced.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> I have received through Messrs. Funk &amp; Wagnalls,
-publishers of a Methodist dictionary and other works
-of erudition and vital piety, an invitation to vote aye
-on a large number of changes of words in common<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_68"></a>[68]</span>
-use—mostly in the fonetic direction. Simplicity is
-the apparent aim. There is a good deal of retrospect
-in the list. Some of the spellings that were licked
-out of us when we were boys seem like old friends
-come back to ask our pardon. The old days are
-with us when we are told to spell “skul,” for
-example. The evisceration of sacred words is a
-little arbitrary. “Savior” is spelt without the full-mouthed
-British “u,” dear to every lover of the Prayer
-Book, but Antichrist isn’t economized at all.
-“Pel-mel” looks it, if a word ever did. “Graf” is
-something to be guessed at, and one may ask if
-“adulterin” is something to eat. The fonetix
-didn’t reach Czar, or perhaps our M. E.—me friends
-are respecters of persons. However, they shortened
-“pontiff” by an “f,” and I wouldn’t be surprised if
-His Holiness masqueraded as “Pop” in the next
-circular. It is interesting, if not impressive, this
-reform—like the abbreviation of bicycle clothes and
-the sending of bad writing by wire.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> That choking female on the cover of the <i>Mid-Continent</i>
-is still tottering, but hasn’t tumbled yet.
-Neither have the publishers, it would seem.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> A hammock and a book and a horse and a yacht
-are really enough to begin with for Robert Grant.
-He says as much in <i>Scribner’s</i> and he doesn’t care a<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_69"></a>[69]</span>
-dam for Newport for a week or two. How little the
-things of this vain world appeal to those who can
-have them by touching a button.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> It runs in the Howl family. W. Dean has a daughter
-who puts her poems under display ad heads in
-<i>Scribner’s</i>. The decorative head is the thing. The
-poem just belongs.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The last <i>Century</i> is not so distinctly medieval as
-some of its predecessors.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Mrs. Robert Humphrey Elsmere Ward has quit
-twaddling for a space. “Bessie Costrell” is ended,
-and it’s a toss up between jubilate and nunc dimittis.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The current <i>Atlantic</i> is very pacific—not to say
-mild.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The June <i>Chautauquan</i> really praises “newspaper
-English.” This is the time of year when the Reservation
-wants all the newspaper English it can get for
-nothing.</p>
-
-<p>The amazing thing about that Amazing Marriage is
-the lot of talk the proof reader has read about it.</p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Tarbell discovered Napoleon, but McClure discovered
-Tarbell. Now let’s have a series of living documents—“Tarbell
-at 8,” “Tarbell at 9:30,” “Tarbell
-at 46,” etc.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_70"></a>[70]</span></p>
-
-<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The World, the Flesh and the Devil have gone
-out of partnership in the ’Frisco <i>News-Letter</i>. The
-head of the firm retires.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter" id="SOME_MORE_VERSES">
-
-<h3>THE SPOTTED SPRINTER.</h3>
-
-<p class="center allsmcap">AFTER THE MANNER OF MR. STEAMIN’ STORK.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">I saw a man making a fool of himself;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">He was writing a poem,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Scratch, scratch, scratch went his pen,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">“Go ’way, Man,” says I; “you can’t do it.”</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">He picked up a handful of red devils and</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Threw them at my head.</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">“You infernal liar,” he howled,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">“I can write poetry with my toes!”</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">I was disquieted. I turned and</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Ran like a Blue Streak for the Horizon,</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Yelling Bloody Murder.</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">When I got there I</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Bit a piece out of it</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">And lay down on my stomach and</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Thought.</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">And breathed hard.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<h3>AN EARNEST CRY AND PRAYER.</h3>
-
-<p class="center allsmcap">ADDRESSED TO THE BAIRNS AND OTHER RELATIVES
-OF ALL SUCCESSFUL AUTHORS.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Ye kin of unco’ writing men,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">How can ye sing sae weak, sae flat;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">How can ye wag the little pen,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And I sae weary and a’ that!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_71"></a>[71]</span>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">A near relation ye may ain,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Wha’s joyed me muckle in the past—</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">That canna sooth my inward pain—</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Ye’ll break my swelling heart at last!</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Thou well mayst be a poet’s son,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And still shouldst gather trolley fare;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">The daughter of a mighty one,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And yet shouldst maul the typewritair!</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Oh, relatives of canny men,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Think ye that I’ve a heart to feel;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Stay, stay the wild cavorting pen,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">And gie my wounds a chance to heal.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">The Ahkoond of Swat.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<h3>TO THE NICEST GIRL.</h3>
-
-<p class="center allsmcap">AFTER THE FRENCH OF PIERRE DE RONSARD.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">Eyes of brown: The major key</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">In which, ’tis plain, days ought to be,</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Seems all in minor chords; the strings</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Have slipped down half-a-tone, and things</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">Are dark as blackest night to me.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse indent0">And why? Because your brown eyes bring</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">The vision of a heart to me;</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">The vision of a heart to sing</div>
- <div class="verse indent2">Of Life and Love and Loyalty—</div>
- <div class="verse indent0">I may not win. That’s why the strings</div>
- <div class="verse indent6">Are out of tune.</div>
- </div>
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse right">H. P. T.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_72"></a>[72]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="ADVERTISEMENTS">ADVERTISEMENTS.</h2>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="max30">
-
-<p class="dcap">ROCK &amp; BUMBALL,
-Literary Undertakers.</p>
-
-<p>Peacock Feather Caskets a Specialty. Caxton
-Building, Chicago.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<div class="figleft">
-<img src="images/cow.jpg" width="100" height="60" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="noindent">USE BLISS CARMAN’S CONDITION
-Powders. Make poets lay. Chicago
-and Canada.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="dcap">H₂ BOYSEN, Literary Analyst. Ibsen interpreted
-while you wait. Columbia College, N. Y.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="dcap">WALTER QUEER NICHOLS, ONE
-of Harper’s Young People, Manufacturer
-Castoria Jokes. Warranted harmless. Address
-Harper’s Drawer, Franklin Square, New York.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="dcap">MAVERICK BRANDER MATTHEWS,
-Dealer in Local Color in bulk or tubes.
-Columbia College, New York. Write for specimens.
-Reference, Bacheler, Johnson &amp; Bacheler.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="dcap">WEE WILLIE WINTER, DESIGNER
-of graveyards. Weeps to order. References:
-A. Daly, L. Langtry, A. Rehan.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<h3>CABLEGRAM.</h3>
-
-<p class="right">Nice, 1 Juin.</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">To Bumball, Chicago:</p>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Philistine</span> received. Fire Carman.</p>
-
-<p class="right">Rock.</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">Coll $7.61.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="box">
-
-<p class="center larger"><span class="u">MEDITATIONS IN MOTLEY.</span></p>
-
-<p class="center">By WALTER BLACKBURN HARTE</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco4.jpg" width="45" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p>“Meditations in Motley” reveals a new
-American essayist, honest and whimsical, with a
-good deal of decorative plain speaking. An
-occasional carelessness of style is redeemed by
-unfailing insight.—<span class="smcap">I. Zangwill</span> in <i>The Pall Mall
-Magazine</i> for April, 1895.</p>
-
-<p>A series of well written essays, remarkable on
-the whole for observation, refinement of feeling
-and literary sense. The book may be taken as a
-wholesome protest against the utilitarian efforts
-of the Time-Spirit, and as a plea for the rights
-and liberties of the imagination. We congratulate
-Mr. Harte on the success of his book.—<i>Public
-Opinion</i>, London, England.</p>
-
-<p>Mr. Harte is not always so good in the piece as
-in the pattern, but he is often a pleasant companion,
-and I have met with no volume of essays
-from America since Miss Agnes Repplier’s so
-good as his “Meditations in Motley.”—<span class="smcap">Richard
-Le Gallienne</span>, in the London <i>Review</i>.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/deco4.jpg" width="45" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center">PRICE, CLOTH $1.25.</p>
-
-<p>For sale by all Booksellers, or sent postpaid on
-receipt of price by <span class="smcap">The Philistine</span>.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class="boxdots">
-
-<p class="noindent larger"><span class="u">LITTLE JOURNEYS</span></p>
-
-<p class="center">To the
-Homes of Good Men and
-Great.</p>
-
-<p><i>A series of literary studies published in monthly
-numbers, tastefully printed on hand-made
-paper, with attractive title-page.</i></p>
-
-<p class="center">By ELBERT HUBBARD</p>
-
-<div class="figleft">
-<img src="images/deco2.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The publishers announce that Little Journeys will
-be issued monthly and that each number will treat of
-recent visits made by Mr. Elbert Hubbard to the homes
-and haunts of various eminent persons. The subjects for
-the first twelve numbers have been arranged as follows:</p>
-
-<ul>
-<li>&#160;1. George Eliot</li>
-<li>&#160;2. Thomas Carlyle</li>
-<li>&#160;3. John Ruskin</li>
-<li>&#160;4. W. E. Gladstone</li>
-<li>&#160;5. J. M. W. Turner</li>
-<li>&#160;6. Jonathan Swift</li>
-<li>&#160;7. Victor Hugo</li>
-<li>&#160;8. Wm. Wordsworth</li>
-<li>&#160;9. W. M. Thackeray</li>
-<li>10. Charles Dickens</li>
-<li>11. Oliver Goldsmith</li>
-<li>12. Shakespeare</li>
-</ul>
-
-<p class="hanging"><i>LITTLE JOURNEYS:<br />
-Published Monthly, 50 cents a year.
-Single copies. 5 cents, postage paid.</i></p>
-
-<p class="center">Published by G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS,</p>
-
-<p class="center">27 and 29 West 23d Street, New York.<br />
-24 Bedford Street, Strand, London.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) ***</div>
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