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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #67497 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/67497)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Fool, by David Mason
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: The Fool
-
-Author: David Mason
-
-Release Date: February 25, 2022 [eBook #67497]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOOL ***
-
-
-
-
-
- The FOOL
-
- By DAVID MASON
-
- Illustrated by WESTON
-
- _The Tarchiki were the universe's
- worst pupils--and as a teacher,
- Duncan was a first-rate carpenter!_
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Infinity Science Fiction, August 1956.
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-Duncan? No, he wasn't the Agent just before you. He was here in
-2180--oh, a good thirty years back, Earth-time. The natives say
-hundreds of years, but they're a short-lived lot. The way they cut
-each other's throats, it's a wonder any of them live out the life span
-they've got, anyway.
-
-I came out when Duncan did--knew him pretty well, as well as anybody
-could. A perfect fool. Knowing him was a real education. Do anything
-the other way from the way Duncan did it, and you'd be all right.
-
-You wouldn't think it to look at him. Well set-up man, around thirty
-when he got here, intelligent face, good talker, had a degree--but
-a fool. Seemed as if he couldn't do anything right. He told me once
-that he'd been married, and that it had broken up. He more or less
-implied that his wife had gotten sick of little things--broken dishes,
-tactless remarks, carelessness. You wouldn't think that would be
-enough to break up a marriage, but you've got no idea how that sort of
-thing can add up.
-
-I was clerking for him then. I swear I did all the work. I had to. He
-couldn't add, couldn't file a record, and couldn't have found one if
-he'd managed somehow to put it away. I took Agent's inventories, I did
-most of the trading with the native chiefs, I did everything. Duncan
-just bumbled around the post, or listened to records, or wrote those
-silly, hopeless, letters to his ex-wife. He was trying to get her to
-come back to him. How do I know? Well, who do you think worked the
-subspace transmitter, as well as doing everything else?
-
-The native thing really annoyed me, though, because it was dangerous.
-You know the Tarchiki. They look human enough, except for minor
-details. When it comes to a Tarchik female I'll overlook the green skin
-and the pointed ears every time. But they aren't entirely like us. They
-have a liking for war and torture that's really sickening.
-
-Our ancestors? Oh, now, really ... you're talking just like Duncan.
-That was always his apology for them. He said our own ancestors were
-pretty bad, too. Certainly they were, but I can't see any ancestor of
-mine acting the way a Tarchik does with a captured enemy. And they
-haven't the slightest sense of sportsmanship, either. They'd rather
-jump you from ambush than fight in the open, and they won't fight at
-all if the enemy's stronger than they are. That's why they've never
-made any serious attempt to do in all the Earthmen on their world.
-That, and greed; they get very good deals from us, and they know it.
-
-Anyway, I'm sure none of my ancestors ever acted like that.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But Duncan was always ready to forgive a Tarchik anything. That used
-to upset the hell out of them, too, because they expect to be punished
-when they're caught at anything. They don't understand our reluctance
-to kill, but they respect a Patrolman's shock gun, and when they get
-caught stealing or taking each other's tails they know they're going
-to get a few months in quod, or what they hate much worse, a public
-flogging. If they didn't get punished, they'd assume it was weakness on
-our part. Just like kids.
-
-Anyway, there was Duncan, holding long confabs with the Tarchiki,
-trying to teach them some sort of elementary ethics. Naturally, it
-didn't take at all. They listened, because they love long speeches, but
-they never acted on what he said.
-
-He used to tell them that if they stopped chopping each other up and
-hanging up the rows of tails as war trophies, their lives would be a
-lot pleasanter. They used to nod and applaud, but Duncan never caught
-on to the simple fact that they thought this was meant to be a joke.
-_They_ didn't think their lives weren't pleasant enough. After all,
-look at their situation. They've got plenty to eat, without working
-hard for it, plenty of time on their hands--why shouldn't they keep
-down their surplus population? They don't know any other way, except
-breaking up their eggs, and they only do that to enemy tribes.
-
-While he was at it, Duncan tried to tell them all about love and things
-like that. Oh, no, not sex. If there's anything a Tarchik doesn't
-know about _that_, there's no Earthman going to teach him. I mean the
-way they treat their women. A Tarchik woman's nothing but a piece of
-property as far as sex goes, but there's some kind of curious maternal
-inheritance thing--anyway, it's as funny as hell to see a big Tarchik
-buck get down and bump his head in front of his mother, and his aunts,
-and all his other female ancestors. That's the one thing he's really
-afraid of. But, till she gets to be a mother, a woman leads a fairly
-rough life, getting passed around as a kind of prize of war, working
-harder than the men, all that.
-
-So Duncan wanted them to be a bit chivalrous to their women. Share the
-work, all kinds of things like that. You know what they thought of that
-idea--another Earthman's joke.
-
-But the funniest thing of all, to them, was his idea about the kids.
-Naturally, a Tarchik pup's no use to its father till it's a bit grown.
-Then, if it's a boy, the old man teaches it to drink _smassi_ and file
-its teeth, and go out ambushing and cutting tails with the other noble
-savages. If it's a girl, the father looks around for a suitable buyer
-as soon as its breasts are grown, and hopes for the best price possible.
-
-To the mothers, though, the kids represent a kind of investment, since
-custom directs the first loyalties to the mother's clan. So they treat
-them pretty well, although a bit casually, since they litter by twos
-and at least once a year.
-
-Anyway, Duncan seemed to think highly of kids. Can't imagine why, since
-he never had any of his own. He used to run a kind of school for them.
-Taught them all kinds of things a Tarchik's got no use for at all, made
-toys for them--badly, naturally; he couldn't have cut his initials in
-a tree without slicing his thumb. But what he couldn't make in the way
-of school stuff, he imported from Earth. Cost him his entire salary,
-except for what he spent on those futile letters to his wife.
-
-Those kids were fond of him, I suppose--as fond of him as a Tarchik
-ever gets of anything. They even kept the school foolishness going
-awhile afterward, but I think it's gone now.
-
-Anything that fool Duncan said, the Tarchiki thought was a great joke.
-They wouldn't have hurt his feelings for anything, for fear he'd quit
-telling them tall stories. They told him quite a few things, too. He
-wrote it all down, in dead earnest, as if their fairy tales and drum
-poems had any value. I sent the whole lot off to his wife, after it
-happened. I think it got lost in transit--I never heard from her,
-anyway. Or she may have thrown it all away. I can't imagine what else
-you could do with such a pile of nonsense.
-
-As a matter of fact, that's what led up to it--those damned legends.
-Duncan got interested in their religion. Never do that, boy. Let 'em
-all have their ghost stories and wooden gods, and never fool around
-with their idea of what makes the planet go round.
-
-The Tarchiks have a lot of small time fetishes, but they also have
-one big god, a fat one made out of stone, out in the jungle over near
-Mount Clarke. Every so often they all go up in a body and pay him a
-visit, and they take along any spare pups, usually extra girl children
-or prisoners from other tribes. This god--Kachan, his name is, I
-think--likes children too. He likes them best roasted, like birds on a
-spit. Charming deity.
-
-Anyway, when Duncan found out about Kachan, he got very upset. He went
-blazing out there to Mount Clarke, and he blew Kachan all to bits with
-a grenade. The Tarchiki didn't care for that, naturally.
-
-About a week later, Duncan was on his way over to the big village near
-here, to give his Tarchik kids another arithmetic lesson, I suppose.
-Old Stancha--he was the local religious big shot, a kind of High
-Priest--threw a spear from the bushes, Tarchik fashion, and nailed
-Duncan very neatly. Nailed, yes. That's the way we found him, with his
-back against a tree.
-
-Just another case of a man's foolishness catching up with him. But
-Duncan hasn't stopped giving us trouble yet, dead or not. First thing
-that happened was that old Stancha came in to the post, demanding to
-be executed. He claimed he'd made a big mistake killing Duncan, the
-biggest mistake of his life. I never could figure out what he meant--it
-seemed to have something to do with what Duncan said to him just before
-he died.
-
-Well, if Stancha had kept his mouth shut, we'd have had no case at
-all, which would have been just fine with me. I was Agent, in Duncan's
-place, and I was out to see to it that business stayed good and got
-better. Can't annoy the natives by executing their high priest and
-expect good trade. But I couldn't very well let Stancha go, either,
-once he'd confessed. So I had him tried, all proper and correct, and
-executed him in due form.
-
-Next thing I knew, the Tarchiks were putting Kachan back together
-again. They were all up there, building a great big new version, and
-having a first class party at the same time. These parties generally
-lead to a tail-hunting expedition, so I expected some trouble. But it
-didn't, this time.
-
-There was plenty of noise, though. The Tarchiki never do anything
-quietly, and this seemed to be an occasion. What with drums, bagpipes,
-wailing and howling, there wasn't a bird would roost for twenty miles
-around.
-
-When they got all through, I went up to look over the new statue, out
-of curiosity, and because I'd heard that they hadn't sacrificed a
-single pup. I thought there must be something queer about Kachan Number
-Two. There was.
-
-It was Duncan. They'd given him a tail, and he looked more like a
-Tarchik than an Earthman, but the face was unmistakable. They aren't
-half bad carvers, you know; and they'd really spread themselves this
-time. The thing was forty feet tall, and it stood on a rock platform,
-with some words carved in that lettering Duncan had taught them to use.
-The words were something Duncan was supposed to have said as he was
-dying.
-
-I never could read that stuff really well; all I got out of the thing
-was that Duncan was forgiving the old murderer, because he didn't know
-what he was doing. Pure nonsense, of course, but you don't expect a
-dying man to make sense, and particularly not Duncan. But it seems
-those words were what had caused all the to-do.
-
-I found the story in one of those ballads Duncan had collected. Seems
-that the Tarchiki had been expecting a great teacher to show up,
-who'd do all sorts of wonderful things for them. Nothing unusual; all
-primitives have some story like that. But there was something else.
-
-The idea was that if the Tarchiki listened to this teacher, he'd make
-them the most important people in the whole world; in the universe,
-in fact, from the way the thing sounded. Just how, wasn't specified.
-But if they should let him be killed, they would know who he had been
-because of his last words, forgiving them. Naturally, they fitted
-Duncan right in; forgiving anybody would be the least likely idea in
-any Tarchik's mind if he were being speared.
-
-So the Tarchiki think they've made a terrible mistake, and they seem
-bent on spending the rest of time making up for it. It's the leading
-religion now, and it's the biggest joke I've ever come across. Poor
-Duncan, wrong-headed as he was about nearly everything else, had a bit
-of sense in that department; he never had any religious nonsense in him.
-
-Anyway, it shows you, doesn't it? I've always said you can learn a
-little from practically anything. You keep Duncan in mind, any time you
-get to feeling too soft on these natives. He might be a god to these
-Tarchiki, but I'll tell you the real test of whether a man's got any
-sense; he's dead, I'm alive, and you're alive. That's enough proof for
-me.
-
-*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOOL ***
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-<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Fool, by David Mason</p>
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
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-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Fool</p>
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: David Mason</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: February 25, 2022 [eBook #67497]</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p>
- <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</p>
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOOL ***</div>
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-<h1>The FOOL</h1>
-
-<h2>By DAVID MASON</h2>
-
-<p>Illustrated by WESTON</p>
-
-<p><i>The Tarchiki were the universe's<br />
-worst pupils&mdash;and as a teacher,<br />
-Duncan was a first-rate carpenter!</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Infinity Science Fiction, August 1956.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>Duncan? No, he wasn't the Agent just before you. He was here in
-2180&mdash;oh, a good thirty years back, Earth-time. The natives say
-hundreds of years, but they're a short-lived lot. The way they cut
-each other's throats, it's a wonder any of them live out the life span
-they've got, anyway.</p>
-
-<p>I came out when Duncan did&mdash;knew him pretty well, as well as anybody
-could. A perfect fool. Knowing him was a real education. Do anything
-the other way from the way Duncan did it, and you'd be all right.</p>
-
-<p>You wouldn't think it to look at him. Well set-up man, around thirty
-when he got here, intelligent face, good talker, had a degree&mdash;but
-a fool. Seemed as if he couldn't do anything right. He told me once
-that he'd been married, and that it had broken up. He more or less
-implied that his wife had gotten sick of little things&mdash;broken dishes,
-tactless remarks, carelessness. You wouldn't think that would be
-enough to break up a marriage, but you've got no idea how that sort of
-thing can add up.</p>
-
-<p>I was clerking for him then. I swear I did all the work. I had to. He
-couldn't add, couldn't file a record, and couldn't have found one if
-he'd managed somehow to put it away. I took Agent's inventories, I did
-most of the trading with the native chiefs, I did everything. Duncan
-just bumbled around the post, or listened to records, or wrote those
-silly, hopeless, letters to his ex-wife. He was trying to get her to
-come back to him. How do I know? Well, who do you think worked the
-subspace transmitter, as well as doing everything else?</p>
-
-<p>The native thing really annoyed me, though, because it was dangerous.
-You know the Tarchiki. They look human enough, except for minor
-details. When it comes to a Tarchik female I'll overlook the green skin
-and the pointed ears every time. But they aren't entirely like us. They
-have a liking for war and torture that's really sickening.</p>
-
-<p>Our ancestors? Oh, now, really ... you're talking just like Duncan.
-That was always his apology for them. He said our own ancestors were
-pretty bad, too. Certainly they were, but I can't see any ancestor of
-mine acting the way a Tarchik does with a captured enemy. And they
-haven't the slightest sense of sportsmanship, either. They'd rather
-jump you from ambush than fight in the open, and they won't fight at
-all if the enemy's stronger than they are. That's why they've never
-made any serious attempt to do in all the Earthmen on their world.
-That, and greed; they get very good deals from us, and they know it.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway, I'm sure none of my ancestors ever acted like that.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>But Duncan was always ready to forgive a Tarchik anything. That used
-to upset the hell out of them, too, because they expect to be punished
-when they're caught at anything. They don't understand our reluctance
-to kill, but they respect a Patrolman's shock gun, and when they get
-caught stealing or taking each other's tails they know they're going
-to get a few months in quod, or what they hate much worse, a public
-flogging. If they didn't get punished, they'd assume it was weakness on
-our part. Just like kids.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway, there was Duncan, holding long confabs with the Tarchiki,
-trying to teach them some sort of elementary ethics. Naturally, it
-didn't take at all. They listened, because they love long speeches, but
-they never acted on what he said.</p>
-
-<p>He used to tell them that if they stopped chopping each other up and
-hanging up the rows of tails as war trophies, their lives would be a
-lot pleasanter. They used to nod and applaud, but Duncan never caught
-on to the simple fact that they thought this was meant to be a joke.
-<i>They</i> didn't think their lives weren't pleasant enough. After all,
-look at their situation. They've got plenty to eat, without working
-hard for it, plenty of time on their hands&mdash;why shouldn't they keep
-down their surplus population? They don't know any other way, except
-breaking up their eggs, and they only do that to enemy tribes.</p>
-
-<p>While he was at it, Duncan tried to tell them all about love and things
-like that. Oh, no, not sex. If there's anything a Tarchik doesn't
-know about <i>that</i>, there's no Earthman going to teach him. I mean the
-way they treat their women. A Tarchik woman's nothing but a piece of
-property as far as sex goes, but there's some kind of curious maternal
-inheritance thing&mdash;anyway, it's as funny as hell to see a big Tarchik
-buck get down and bump his head in front of his mother, and his aunts,
-and all his other female ancestors. That's the one thing he's really
-afraid of. But, till she gets to be a mother, a woman leads a fairly
-rough life, getting passed around as a kind of prize of war, working
-harder than the men, all that.</p>
-
-<p>So Duncan wanted them to be a bit chivalrous to their women. Share the
-work, all kinds of things like that. You know what they thought of that
-idea&mdash;another Earthman's joke.</p>
-
-<p>But the funniest thing of all, to them, was his idea about the kids.
-Naturally, a Tarchik pup's no use to its father till it's a bit grown.
-Then, if it's a boy, the old man teaches it to drink <i>smassi</i> and file
-its teeth, and go out ambushing and cutting tails with the other noble
-savages. If it's a girl, the father looks around for a suitable buyer
-as soon as its breasts are grown, and hopes for the best price possible.</p>
-
-<p>To the mothers, though, the kids represent a kind of investment, since
-custom directs the first loyalties to the mother's clan. So they treat
-them pretty well, although a bit casually, since they litter by twos
-and at least once a year.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway, Duncan seemed to think highly of kids. Can't imagine why, since
-he never had any of his own. He used to run a kind of school for them.
-Taught them all kinds of things a Tarchik's got no use for at all, made
-toys for them&mdash;badly, naturally; he couldn't have cut his initials in
-a tree without slicing his thumb. But what he couldn't make in the way
-of school stuff, he imported from Earth. Cost him his entire salary,
-except for what he spent on those futile letters to his wife.</p>
-
-<p>Those kids were fond of him, I suppose&mdash;as fond of him as a Tarchik
-ever gets of anything. They even kept the school foolishness going
-awhile afterward, but I think it's gone now.</p>
-
-<p>Anything that fool Duncan said, the Tarchiki thought was a great joke.
-They wouldn't have hurt his feelings for anything, for fear he'd quit
-telling them tall stories. They told him quite a few things, too. He
-wrote it all down, in dead earnest, as if their fairy tales and drum
-poems had any value. I sent the whole lot off to his wife, after it
-happened. I think it got lost in transit&mdash;I never heard from her,
-anyway. Or she may have thrown it all away. I can't imagine what else
-you could do with such a pile of nonsense.</p>
-
-<p>As a matter of fact, that's what led up to it&mdash;those damned legends.
-Duncan got interested in their religion. Never do that, boy. Let 'em
-all have their ghost stories and wooden gods, and never fool around
-with their idea of what makes the planet go round.</p>
-
-<p>The Tarchiks have a lot of small time fetishes, but they also have
-one big god, a fat one made out of stone, out in the jungle over near
-Mount Clarke. Every so often they all go up in a body and pay him a
-visit, and they take along any spare pups, usually extra girl children
-or prisoners from other tribes. This god&mdash;Kachan, his name is, I
-think&mdash;likes children too. He likes them best roasted, like birds on a
-spit. Charming deity.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway, when Duncan found out about Kachan, he got very upset. He went
-blazing out there to Mount Clarke, and he blew Kachan all to bits with
-a grenade. The Tarchiki didn't care for that, naturally.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>About a week later, Duncan was on his way over to the big village near
-here, to give his Tarchik kids another arithmetic lesson, I suppose.
-Old Stancha&mdash;he was the local religious big shot, a kind of High
-Priest&mdash;threw a spear from the bushes, Tarchik fashion, and nailed
-Duncan very neatly. Nailed, yes. That's the way we found him, with his
-back against a tree.</p>
-
-<p>Just another case of a man's foolishness catching up with him. But
-Duncan hasn't stopped giving us trouble yet, dead or not. First thing
-that happened was that old Stancha came in to the post, demanding to
-be executed. He claimed he'd made a big mistake killing Duncan, the
-biggest mistake of his life. I never could figure out what he meant&mdash;it
-seemed to have something to do with what Duncan said to him just before
-he died.</p>
-
-<p>Well, if Stancha had kept his mouth shut, we'd have had no case at
-all, which would have been just fine with me. I was Agent, in Duncan's
-place, and I was out to see to it that business stayed good and got
-better. Can't annoy the natives by executing their high priest and
-expect good trade. But I couldn't very well let Stancha go, either,
-once he'd confessed. So I had him tried, all proper and correct, and
-executed him in due form.</p>
-
-<p>Next thing I knew, the Tarchiks were putting Kachan back together
-again. They were all up there, building a great big new version, and
-having a first class party at the same time. These parties generally
-lead to a tail-hunting expedition, so I expected some trouble. But it
-didn't, this time.</p>
-
-<p>There was plenty of noise, though. The Tarchiki never do anything
-quietly, and this seemed to be an occasion. What with drums, bagpipes,
-wailing and howling, there wasn't a bird would roost for twenty miles
-around.</p>
-
-<p>When they got all through, I went up to look over the new statue, out
-of curiosity, and because I'd heard that they hadn't sacrificed a
-single pup. I thought there must be something queer about Kachan Number
-Two. There was.</p>
-
-<p>It was Duncan. They'd given him a tail, and he looked more like a
-Tarchik than an Earthman, but the face was unmistakable. They aren't
-half bad carvers, you know; and they'd really spread themselves this
-time. The thing was forty feet tall, and it stood on a rock platform,
-with some words carved in that lettering Duncan had taught them to use.
-The words were something Duncan was supposed to have said as he was
-dying.</p>
-
-<p>I never could read that stuff really well; all I got out of the thing
-was that Duncan was forgiving the old murderer, because he didn't know
-what he was doing. Pure nonsense, of course, but you don't expect a
-dying man to make sense, and particularly not Duncan. But it seems
-those words were what had caused all the to-do.</p>
-
-<p>I found the story in one of those ballads Duncan had collected. Seems
-that the Tarchiki had been expecting a great teacher to show up,
-who'd do all sorts of wonderful things for them. Nothing unusual; all
-primitives have some story like that. But there was something else.</p>
-
-<p>The idea was that if the Tarchiki listened to this teacher, he'd make
-them the most important people in the whole world; in the universe,
-in fact, from the way the thing sounded. Just how, wasn't specified.
-But if they should let him be killed, they would know who he had been
-because of his last words, forgiving them. Naturally, they fitted
-Duncan right in; forgiving anybody would be the least likely idea in
-any Tarchik's mind if he were being speared.</p>
-
-<p>So the Tarchiki think they've made a terrible mistake, and they seem
-bent on spending the rest of time making up for it. It's the leading
-religion now, and it's the biggest joke I've ever come across. Poor
-Duncan, wrong-headed as he was about nearly everything else, had a bit
-of sense in that department; he never had any religious nonsense in him.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway, it shows you, doesn't it? I've always said you can learn a
-little from practically anything. You keep Duncan in mind, any time you
-get to feeling too soft on these natives. He might be a god to these
-Tarchiki, but I'll tell you the real test of whether a man's got any
-sense; he's dead, I'm alive, and you're alive. That's enough proof for
-me.</p>
-
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