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+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #65032 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65032)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Wind in Her Hair, by Kris Neville
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Wind in Her Hair
-
-Author: Kris Neville
-
-Release Date: April 08, 2021 [eBook #65032]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WIND IN HER HAIR ***
-
-
-
-
- WIND IN HER HAIR
-
- By Kris Neville
-
- To Marte and Johnny Nine the space ship was
- their world. And yet they dreamed of returning
- home to Earth ... a planet they had never seen.
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy
- October 1950
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-"Marte!"
-
-His voice echoed hollowly, dying away to an eerie whisper, fainter and
-fainter.
-
-"Marte!"
-
-It was very silent here on the last level below the giant atomic motors.
-
-The feeble light showered down from a single overhead bulb; it was
-their special bulb. Marte always lit it when she came below.
-
-"Marte!" His voice was almost pleading.
-
-"Here I am, Johnny. Over here."
-
-"Little imp," he said, not unkindly. "What do you mean, hiding?"
-
-"Hiding, Johnny? I wasn't hiding.... And besides, you looked so funny
-and lost, standing there, calling me."
-
-He saw her, now, sitting half in shadow, leaning against the far
-bulkhead.
-
-His feet ping-pinged on the uncarpeted deck plates as he crossed to her.
-
-"Hello," she said brightly. She threw back her head, and her eyes
-caught the dim light and sparkled it. "I hoped you'd come today."
-Smiling, she held out her hand.
-
-He took it. "I really shouldn't have," he said.
-
-"Oh?" She puckered her lips in mock anger and drew him down beside
-her. "Didn't you _want_ to come?"
-
-"You know I did."
-
-"Then why?"
-
-"They might need me in Control," he said, half seriously.
-
-Marte's eyes opened an involuntary fraction. "Nothing's wrong, is
-there?" Her lips had lost their sudden, native smile, and the smile in
-her eyes half fled.
-
-"No. Everything's fine.... I just meant in case...."
-
-"Oh, Johnny, don't say it; please." Her eyes spoke with her voice,
-emotions bubbled in them. Her face had something of a woman's
-seriousness in it, the product more of native understanding than
-experience, and much of a girl's naivete. "Don't even _think_ about
-anything like that." She looked up at him, studied his face intently,
-and then said, "Tell me that: Say nothing's going to go wrong."
-
-"I was just talking, Marte. Nothing can go wrong; not now."
-
-"Say it again!"
-
-"Nothing is going to go wrong," he said slowly, giving each word its
-full meaning.
-
-"Do you really--really and _truly_--believe that?" she asked.
-
-"Of course I do, Marte."
-
-The girl smiled. "I do too--only--" The smile faded. Her eyes focused
-on some distant place, beyond the last level, beyond the Ship itself.
-"Only sometimes I'm afraid it's too good to happen.... That I'm
-dreaming, and that all at once I'll wake up, and--" She shook her head.
-"But that's silly, isn't it, Johnny?"
-
-"Yes," he said. He settled back and rested against the bulkhead.
-
- * * * * *
-
-There was silence for a while, two young people, hand in hand, sitting
-in silence.
-
-Finally, Marte spoke.
-
-"Here," she said, "feel." She pressed his hand against the bulkhead.
-"See how cool it is?"
-
-"Of course. It's the outside plate."
-
-"Yes," she said, "I know. There's nothing but space out there." She
-squeezed his hand. "But just a little while ago, before you came, I was
-sitting here thinking. And I thought that wind must feel like that. I
-mean, not how it _feels_, exactly, but how it makes _you_ feel. Wild
-and free. Without any bulkheads to keep you from walking and walking."
-
-He shook his head. "Little dreamer," he whispered.
-
-She frowned prettily. "Don't you feel it, too?"
-
-Johnny Nine pressed his hand to the bulkhead again. "Yes, I guess maybe
-I do. In a way."
-
-"Of course you do! You've just got to. You can't _help_ it! Put your
-cheek close against the bulkhead and you can almost feel the wind
-blowing on your face. I can. And if I try hard enough, I can almost
-smell the fields of flowers all in bloom and hear birds singing, like
-they were singing from far away.... And I can--"
-
-"You've been reading again," he interrupted with a smile.
-
-"Uh-huh," she said dreamily. "I have.... And when I finished, I came
-down here, and I thought about it, and I hoped you'd come so we could
-talk. It was poetry; it was--beautiful....
-
-"You know, Johnny, I'd like to write poetry. If I had the sky and the
-birds and the rivers and the mountains all to write about."
-
-After a moment, Johnny Nine said, "Go ahead, tell me what the poems
-were about."
-
-[Illustration: They envisioned themselves running hand in hand, with
-the wind whispering gently....]
-
-"Well...." She drew out the word slowly. "It's not what they were
-about, exactly. It's what they said, not out loud, but down deep. It's
-like getting a present that means an awful lot to you; it's not the
-present, but the way it makes your nose tickle and your stomach feel."
-She smiled wistfully.
-
-"They were all written a long time ago, even before the First
-Generation, by men back on Earth, but they seemed to be written just
-for us.... One was about a bird, and how it made the poet feel to watch
-it fly and hear it sing; it made him feel all warm inside.... And one
-was about a young girl who worked in the fields, reaping grain...."
-That image seemed to reverberate in her mind, for she was quiet a
-moment, as if to listen for the fading echoes.
-
-"I think that would be the most wonderful thing. To help things grow,
-with your own two hands, and to harvest them when they're ripe and
-waiting, not 'ponics, like Sam, but really growing out of the Earth."
-
-"Someday," he said softly, "you're going to write the kind of poetry
-they wrote."
-
-Marte looked down at her hands.
-
-"I want to do so many things.... Maybe help things grow, most of
-all.... I think there must be a sort of poetry in that, too.
-
-"Johnny?"
-
-"Yes?"
-
-"Do you think we could get a farm? It wouldn't have to be a very big
-one; just a little farm, where we could raise things?"
-
-"If you want it, Marte."
-
-"Oh, I do. I _do_!" Her voice carried the lilt of youth in it.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The silences that frequently spiced their conversation had no
-embarrassed elements in them; they said as much as words, and they came
-mutually.
-
-"Some of it was sad. The poetry. I mean, the deep kind of sadness,
-the real sadness, the kind that has--hopelessness, and lostness, and
-aloneness in it.
-
- "_Here he lies where he longed to be._
- _Home is the sailor, home from the sea,_
- _And the hunter home from the hill._"
-
-She caught her breath, sharply. "That kind of sadness. The kind that
-says something about us. How we've dreamed and planned of going Home--"
-
-She let her voice drift.
-
-"I sometimes think Earth is such a beautiful place that you have to be
-dead to go there."
-
-Johnny Nine said nothing.
-
-"Think of the wide sky, Johnny. Where we can see the sunrise. I've
-always dreamed about seeing a sunrise.
-
-"A sun. That's a funny word to say; it just _sounds_ warm. Sun. A sun
-that is like those little points of light, way beyond the bulkheads.
-When we see them from Observation, they look all cold. Imagine how it
-would be to be so close to one of them that it's big and warm....
-
-"Johnny, do you think anything could be as pretty as those pictures,
-in Compartment Seven, of a blue and gold sunrise?"
-
-"Even prettier."
-
-"Say it again!"
-
-"Even prettier."
-
-"I'll stay up, then, all the first night. I know I will. Just to see
-the sun come up."
-
-She drew in her legs and clasped her arms around them.
-
-"Tell me again what They said."
-
-Johnny Nine did not answer immediately. He sat motionless, trying to
-make out the bulkhead that marked the other side of the Ship. But their
-feeble light could not penetrate so much darkness. It almost seemed as
-if there were no other bulkhead and no Ship, only darkness, there, that
-spread out to the ends of the Universe.
-
-Finally he spoke. "It was awful hard to hear them; we're too far away.
-As near as we could understand, they're having a celebration for us.
-Hundreds and hundreds of people will be there. All to see us."
-
-"Hundreds ... and ... hundreds. Hundreds and hundreds!" She turned her
-face to his. "It seems hard to believe, doesn't it? All those people!"
-
-"Maybe even more than that, Marte."
-
-"Johnny?" She ducked her head and pulled her legs in tighter. "Johnny?"
-
-"Yes?"
-
-"We can have babies, can't we?" She asked it in a rush.
-
-"... Yes. We can have babies. As many as we want."
-
-She wrinkled her nose. "... It seems funny, to be able to have all the
-babies you want. Not one every time somebody dies: but all you want!"
-
-She smiled at some secret communication with herself. "I think we'll
-have a dozen....
-
-"Imagine, Johnny. We can have babies that will have a real childhood.
-Not like ours, in the Ship, but one on Earth. They can play in the wind
-and in the sunshine.
-
-"And learn things. All kinds of things. They won't be born into one
-particular job. They can do anything they want to--anything in the
-whole wide world. And they can live in the air." She blinked her eyes.
-
-"It makes me so glad I want to cry."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The Big Ship, the balanced terrarium of fifty lives, swung downward in
-her path, rushing toward her parent sun, the first interstellar voyager
-coming home.
-
-Home. After twenty-one generations had peopled her vast bulk, after
-four hundred long years in space.
-
-The radio in Control crackled and sputtered; the nearly seven hour wait
-was over. The Captain, the Mate, and Johnny Nine, the pilot, listened
-intently.
-
-The language had changed, and the voice that came out of the speaker
-was reedy, and thin with vast distances.
-
-"Halloo.... Hallooo...." Like a cosmic sigh. Weird. "Yur message...."
-They could make out the words; the vowels were shorter, the consonants
-more sibilant, but they could make out the words. "... Repeat ...
-pilot...." The voice rose and fell, rose and fell. Static hacked away
-inside the speaker, split sentences, scattered words.
-
-"... World waiting eagerly for...." Hiss and sputter. "In answer....
-Repeat.... pilot inside Mar's orbit.... Repeat ... pilot...."
-
-Johnny Nine bent forward. "I guess he means we'll get a pilot ship
-inside the orbit of Mars. They'll probably set us around Earth. We've
-got too much bulk to land."
-
-"They'll probably ferry us down in one of their best ships," the
-Mate said; there was a weariness and an undefined, non-directional
-bitterness in his voice. A germ of thought lay buried beneath the
-words, a half-formed memory concept: Ferry us down like they ferried
-our ancestors up--four hundred years ago--to the Leviathan--built in
-space--too big ever to land.
-
-The voice from Earth sighed out of the speaker; only the sputter of
-static remained. Earth was awaiting, now, the reply.
-
-The Mate snapped off the speaker. The new silence was stark, as if
-something other than sound had been withdrawn.
-
-The Captain rubbed the back of his left hand with the palm of his right.
-
-None of them could quite find words for their thoughts.
-
-It was the Captain, finally, who spoke.
-
-"I guess--there isn't much to tell them, is there?"
-
-The Captain turned his swivel chair until it faced the broad
-Observation window; through it he could see out into the inconceivable
-depths of star-clustered space.
-
-"I've been thinking," he mused, half to himself. "Thinking a lot,
-lately." He rubbed his forehead. "About the Ship ... I've lived here a
-long time--my whole life. That's a long time. I was wondering how it
-would seem not to live here anymore."
-
-He put his elbows on his knees and twined his hands before his
-face. "Not for you, Johnny. For you and Marte, and the rest of the
-Twenty-first Generation, that's different. I mean for us old timers.
-When you're twenty, there's a new world ahead; when you're fifty--it's
-not ahead any more. How will it seem to us?"
-
-The Captain shook his head slowly. "It'll sure seem funny to give this
-up. This room here, where I've worked all these years. This view--"
-
-He waved his hand toward the Observation window.
-
-"This view clear into Infinity."
-
-Johnny Nine crossed the room and stood before the window. He gazed into
-space. Without turning, he began to talk. There was no excitement in
-his voice, only calm certainty.
-
-"Think, Captain: think of other things. Think of trees and running
-water and blue sky. Think of green grass, real green grass, acres and
-acres of it, swaying in the wind. Think of that."
-
-The Captain smiled. "Ah, youth, Johnny.... If it had been forty years
-ago--or thirty--or even ten.... But now...." He shrugged. "We're old
-and set in our ways. We think of rest and of the familiar."
-
-Johnny Nine still did not turn. "Imagine sitting on a chair, on a
-porch, facing out to the woods, across a field of corn. Imagine the
-neighborhood kids gathering about you, and you telling them how you
-were on the Interstellar Flight. How you came back from the stars."
-
-"Perhaps, Johnny, perhaps.... Perhaps...."
-
-The Mate jammed full power into the heavy transmitter. "I hope
-these tubes hold," he said matter-of-factly. "I couldn't find the
-replacements."
-
-The Captain came back from his thoughts. "Did you make a check of the
-Parts Index?" he asked.
-
-"Sure. They're supposed to be in Compartment Four. Couldn't find them
-there. Some crazy fool probably made baby rattles out of them a hundred
-and fifty years ago."
-
-"I'll send someone to see if you overlooked them. You want to go,
-Johnny?"
-
-"I'll look, sure. Compartment Four, Skippy?"
-
-"Supposed to be."
-
-The Mate turned back to the radio. "Hello, Earth.... Hello, Earth....
-Hello, Earth.... This is Interstellar Flight One.... Interstellar
-Flight One, inside Pluto.... Hello, Earth, this is--"
-
-Johnny Nine closed the door behind him and left the cramped room.
-
- * * * * *
-
-In Compartment Four Johnny Nine switched on the lights; the large
-center bulb flared blue and the filaments fused. That left the
-compartment in gloom.
-
-Slowly the Ship was growing old. It no longer functioned as smoothly
-as before; its spare parts stock was running low. Bulbs were rationed
-and three whole levels were in continual darkness. The long night was
-creeping in, as if the jet of space was slowly digesting the interloper.
-
-"Sit down, Johnny. Old Sam wants to talk to you."
-
-Johnny Nine dropped his hand from the switch and turned. "Oh? Oh,
-Sam.... Where did you come from?"
-
-"I seen you coming down, so I followed you. I wanted to talk to you
-alone. And when I seen you comin' down here, I said, 'Now, Sam, here's
-your chance to talk to Johnny.'"
-
-"Yes, Sam?"
-
-"Go ahead, Johnny, sit down."
-
-Johnny Nine crossed to a crate that still contained parts for the
-atomic motor and sat down. "All right, Sam. Go ahead."
-
-Sam shuffled his feet. "I don't know how to start, hardly. Look,
-Johnny. Tell me something. True. You will, won't you?"
-
-"Yes, Sam, I will. You know that."
-
-"Sure, I know you will. Why, don't I remember when you was just a
-little tyke, how you used to come down to the gardens and watch old
-Sam? And I said, then, that if ever there's a boy that gives you a
-straight answer, that's Johnny Nine.
-
-"I remember you sayin', once, 'Sam,' you said, 'you've to one blue eye
-and one brown.'" Sam smiled. "Right out you said it. An' you know,
-that's right. I have. Nobody else would have told me so, because they
-were afraid of hurting my feelings. But why should I mind that I've got
-one blue eye and one brown one? Funny, how other folks think you mind,
-when really you don't....
-
-"Look, Johnny. About the gardens. I'm getting old--uh-uh, don't say it:
-I am and you know I am. Lately, folks have been comin' around helpin'
-me out. They let on that they're just there lookin', but they help me,
-and I know it. Is it because I'm gettin' old, Johnny?"
-
-"Sam, you're like the Captain. Good for another twenty years."
-
-"Now, Johnny, answer old Sam straight."
-
-Johnny Nine hesitated. "Well," he admitted, "you aren't as young as
-some of us, Sam. But that doesn't mean you're old. I mean, really old."
-Johnny Nine turned his head so Sam could not see his face.
-
-Sam cleared his throat. "Look, Johnny!" He held out a tiny bottle.
-
-Johnny Nine glanced around. "Where did you get that?" he demanded
-angrily when he saw the bottle.
-
-"That's all right. Old Sam's got ways. An' he'll be takin' it any day
-now. You just say the word, Johnny."
-
-"Did somebody give that to you?" Johnny Nine demanded sharply.
-
-"No. Nobody gave it to me. Old Sam's had this bottle for years. Just
-waitin', Johnny. Just waitin'. For somebody to say the word."
-
-"Give it to me!"
-
-Sam snatched back the bottle. "No!" His weak old eyes showed traces of
-fire. "No. Old Sam's--"
-
-"Sam," Johnny Nine said gently, "we're almost Home, Sam, almost _Home_."
-
-Sam laughed bitterly. He shook his head. "No, Johnny. Can't fool old
-Sam. 'Course folks _say_ we are. But I _know_. Old Sam knows. I'll be
-drinkin' this any day now."
-
-"Sam, listen. In four--" He bit his tongue before he could say
-'months'. That superstition. "In a little while, we'll be Home. It's
-true, Sam, I wouldn't lie."
-
-Sam's eyes brightened. "You ain't foolin' me?"
-
-"No, Sam."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Sam seemed to relax. "Home," he said. "You know, Johnny, lately I've
-been dreamin' of Home. Now you say we're almost there.... You know,
-I remember, when old John Turner--I guess you don't remember old
-John--before your time--when old John, well, he told Molly Dawn (she
-was his partner), he said, 'Molly, it sure looks like the only way _we_
-can get Home is live as long an' as useful a life as Sam. Because Sam
-is just too stubborn to grow old like the rest of us.' Yes, sir, that's
-just what he said: 'Old Sam is too downright stubborn to grow old like
-the rest of us.'"
-
-Sam slapped his knee. "Now don't that beat all? 'Too stubborn,' he
-says."
-
-Sam leaned back against a row of crates. His eyes glistened in the
-light. Then the excitement died from them.
-
-"No, Johnny. It don't seem right for me to go on livin' when people
-come down to 'ponics every day to do my work. It _ain't_ right, Johnny."
-
-"But Sam--"
-
-"Oh. I know. You tell me we're almost Home. But Johnny," Sam leaned
-forward, "there ain't no Home. It's just a story they tell you when
-you're little.... Or maybe when you're old, like me. There ain't
-nothing but this here Ship and--"
-
-"Sam, listen--"
-
-"But me no buts, Johnny. Old Sam knows. Yes, sir, he's been around too
-long. You're all trying to fool him, but you're not." He paused for
-breath. "I _know_, Johnny. That's why I got this here bottle. You don't
-need to hint around, trying to make it easy. You just speak up. Old Sam
-can do what's got to be done."
-
-Johnny Nine stood up.
-
-"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that bottle, Sam."
-
-"No, Johnny."
-
-"Give it to me!"
-
-Johnny Nine took the bottle and smashed it against the deck plates.
-
-"We'll never need one of those again. Where we're going there's no
-tolerance factor. A man doesn't have to die just because he can't do
-all the work he once could. Earth is such a big terrarium that a man
-can just keep on living."
-
-"Johnny, old Sam's confused. He's all mixed up." One lone tear ran down
-his cheek.
-
-"You go to your cabin and get some rest. You'll never need a bottle.
-Understand that, Sam? You'll never need a bottle."
-
-"Then you weren't foolin' me? We're really goin' Home? Somebody said we
-were, and I thought we were, and then I thought you were all foolin' me
-and then--
-
-"I guess I better had, Johnny. Old Sam's tired. Old Sam's awful tired."
-
-He limped out of the compartment.
-
-Johnny Nine watched his back until it disappeared down the companionway
-ladder to the passenger quarters. The rest of the passengers had been
-doing Sam's work for nearly three years now. But it didn't matter.
-They were so near Home that it didn't matter. They no longer needed to
-produce a balance for a new generation; it was journey's end.
-
-Johnny Nine began to rummage through the supplies, extra parts for all
-sorts of fancied emergencies that never occurred, and no parts, of
-course, for those that did, over the long, four hundred years of the
-trip.
-
-Johnny Nine finally found the radio spares. Mislaid behind a mass of
-junk that once had been air control gauges. One of the First Generation
-had smashed the gauges when he went mad. But the Ship had been lucky.
-It had survived without them.
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Hello, Johnny. The Captain said you were--oh! Johnny?"
-
-Johnny Nine looked up; he smiled. He slipped out of the headset. "'Lo,
-Marte. They're broadcasting music to us. Want to listen?" He held out
-the headset. "It sounds better over these than over the speaker."
-
-She crossed to him, in lithe, swaying youth movements, and took the
-headset. She fitted it over her hair and began to listen.
-
-At first her face was expressionless. After a while, her mouth formed a
-little "o" and her eyes widened; she stood for a long time listening,
-making no sound.
-
-Finally, she removed the headset and laid it on the table. She seemed
-vaguely puzzled.
-
-"It's awful funny music, isn't it, Johnny? Not at all like ours....
-
-"But then I guess they'd think our songs--"
-
-She began to hum the tune of _Long Night_. Then she sang softly:
-
- "_It's a long night,_
- _A dark night,_
- _Before the day._
- _It's a long night before the long day,_
- _And we're going Home:_
- _Yes_
- _We're going Home!_"
-
-She stopped.
-
-"I guess they'll think that's funny, Johnny. Let's not sing it for
-them, ever. If somebody would laugh at that, it would hurt me, down
-inside. Let's never sing it again."
-
-"All right, Marte," Johnny Nine said.
-
-After a moment, he stood up. "You didn't come here with the rest."
-
-"No ... I wanted to wait. I hoped maybe I could look at it while you
-were here. Just you and me."
-
-He crossed to the Observation window. "It's just the little 'scope....
-But here, I'll--"
-
-He peered into the eyepiece and adjusted the knobs. "There.... Ah....
-That does it. There, Marte."
-
-He stood aside.
-
-She bent over the telescope. The silence drew out and out, almost
-breath-held.
-
-"It's.... It's.... Johnny, I feel like it was ours. Just yours and
-mine. Isn't it beautiful, all hazy blue?"
-
-"Can you see the continents?"
-
-"Yes.... Yes, I think I can. Not very well. Just dark patches."
-
-She looked up. "It looks so little, Johnny, like a little ball. So
-little that if I had a chain, I could put it on it and then wear the
-chain around my neck."
-
-Johnny Nine laughed gently. "But it's really big, Marte. Bigger than
-the Ship. A hundred times that big, a thousand--"
-
-"A million!"
-
-"Yes, maybe even that. It doesn't seem possible, does it?"
-
-"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, I'm so happy!" She looked into the eyepiece
-again. "I'll never forget this, not as long as I live. That little tiny
-ball and the Sun. I think I feel something like God must have felt when
-he _made_ it."
-
-"If you were to look hard enough, Marte, you could almost see our
-little farm down there--"
-
-"Our farm.... Say it again, Johnny."
-
-"Our farm," he said.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The Ship drew nearer and nearer. The balanced terrarium pointed Home,
-rushing faster than the wind, faster than sound, faster--
-
-The Captain sat at his desk. For the past hour he had been drawing
-strange designs, contorted in helical animation, on a pad of yellow
-paper. Occasionally, he paused to stare out of the Observation window,
-lost in thought.
-
-Absently, he let the pencil drop to the deck; the sound it made spun
-away his reverie. He bent and retrieved the pencil.
-
-"Skippy?"
-
-The Mate looked up from a book. "Yes?"
-
-The Captain chuckled. "I've been thinking about what Johnny said a
-while back."
-
-The Mate waited.
-
-"You see that star, out there, Skippy? The bright one, there on the
-left of the field? I've been watching her for years. Even thought up a
-name for her. Mary Anne. It almost seems that if I could say something,
-in just the right way, she could understand and answer me."
-
-The Mate closed the book and placed it on the table. When the two of
-them were alone, they sometimes talked of things that only friends can
-talk of. He maintained an encouraging silence.
-
-"I've been thinking, too," the Captain continued, "that when I get to
-Earth, I can still see Mary Anne. If I know where to look, she'll be
-there, just the same as always....
-
-"There was old Grandfather John Turner (you remember how he used to
-cuss the filters?) Remember how he talked of going Home. 'I won't live
-to see it,' he would say. 'I won't be here then,' he would say. But
-when he talked about it, it didn't seem to matter....
-
-"It was the dream that mattered. A dream of everything that's
-wonderful. It meant peace and beauty and rest. It meant something too
-wonderful ever to happen.... For him, it was just a dream.
-
-"Now that we can practically touch it, and see it, and feel it, I find
-it a rather frightening thing. It makes me feel cold inside; it makes
-my mouth get dry; it makes my hair prickle.
-
-"Funny, how it gets me."
-
-"I know what you mean," the Mate said.
-
-"Maybe I've been afraid all along to admit that I wanted to go Home;
-afraid that somehow wanting something so much like a dream would keep
-me from ever getting it.
-
-"But now that we're almost there, I've changed. Remember what Johnny
-said, 'How would you like to sit on a porch and tell the kids how you
-came back from the stars?'"
-
-The Mate nodded and smiled. "It kinda got me too."
-
-The Captain looked at the icy points of light again, set against the
-ebon of eternal night. "It does get you....
-
-"On Earth, Mary Anne will sparkle. I guess everything sparkles there.
-Stars sparkle; water sparkles in the sunlight; the air sparkles; life
-sparkles."
-
-He stood up and turned his back on the window.
-
-"You know, once I get my feet down there, I'm going to see that they
-stay. I'm never going to take them off. Not even so much as a single
-mile. I'm going to get me a bushel basket, and I'm going to fill it
-with Earth, and when I go to bed, I'm going to have it right there
-beside me, so I can reach out with my hands, anytime in the night, and
-feel it."
-
-"For a long time, Ed, I was scared, like you were, that something would
-happen. But now we're so near, I don't know.... I was afraid that maybe
-things had changed; that there wouldn't be any people. That maybe--I
-guess I always see the dark side, don't I?"
-
-The Captain said, "Maybe there's some good in that. But this time I'm
-going to sound a little like Johnny. Things may have changed, Skippy.
-From what we've read about. We've got to expect that. But it can't be
-too different. We can adjust. Man can always adjust."
-
-He turned again to the window.
-
-"And there's always Earth herself. You can look through the 'scope and
-see her out there, just like she's been for a billion years. Home.
-That hasn't changed. The air of Home; the water of Home. That doesn't
-change."
-
-"I guess you're right, Ed," the Mate agreed. "That can't change."
-
- * * * * *
-
-He found her down below the motors on the last level. Their light was
-burning dimly.
-
-She had been crying.
-
-Johnny Nine stood watching her for a long time. Finally he said, "I'm
-sorry, Marte."
-
-She looked up. Her face was tear-cast, and her eyes were red. "It's....
-It's...." Her voice caught in a sob. "Oh, Johnny, why? _Why_, Johnny?"
-
-Johnny Nine had no answer to that question.
-
-"Why did he have to do it--just when we were almost Home?" She began to
-cry again.
-
-He sat down beside her, drew her head over on his shoulder.
-
-"We've all got to die sometime. You, me ... Sam."
-
-"But not now, Johnny. Not _now_!"
-
-He let out his breath in a long sigh. "I know. I--I liked Sam. He was
-always good to me, always ready to stop work and explain things to me.
-But he was old, Marte, so awful old."
-
-"But not to see Home, when you're almost there.... He looked through
-the 'scope, but his eyes were bad and he couldn't see it. And he
-thought we were all fooling him.... But Johnny, he'd _had_ to believe,
-once he got his feet down on Earth, once the wind was all around him.
-Even if he was old. He'd _had to_ believe, then."
-
-"I know, Marte."
-
-There was silence for a moment.
-
-"You know what they say. 'When you die, you go to Earth'. Maybe Sam's
-already there. Ahead of us. Somehow."
-
-"He used to tell me--me--me--" She choked up; she let out her breath
-unevenly. "When I was little and went down to look at the gardens, he
-used to tell me how he--"
-
-"Don't, Marte. Try not to think of it."
-
-"All right, Johnny. I won't. I'll try not to think of it. But Johnny--"
-
-"Now, now, that's enough."
-
-For fully five minutes neither of them spoke.
-
-Then Marte asked, in a small voice, "Johnny?"
-
-"Yes."
-
-"I wonder how he got the bottle."
-
-"Please, Marte...."
-
-"I _know_, Johnny. But that way. It was so cruel. If he'd just waited."
-She looked at Johnny Nine.
-
-"Johnny?"
-
-He was staring at his sandals.
-
-"Johnny?"
-
-"Yes?"
-
-"We aren't--aren't going to reconvert him, are we? Not now?"
-
-"No, Marte." Johnny Nine took a deep breath. "Not now. We're going to
-take him with us, and bury him, really bury him. Put the Earth over
-him. He'd like that, Marte. Not in the reconverter, but in the cool
-Earth, the Earth of Home."
-
-"Yes," she said very softly, "he'd like that."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Closer and closer. The Ship was well inside Jupiter, skyrocketing to
-her rendezvous with the pilot ship. The radio lapse was less than
-thirty minutes now.
-
-The Captain turned from the speaker. "You heard it, Johnny. What can we
-tell them?"
-
-Earth wanted press comments. _Tell us about the trip!_
-
-The Mate stood up.
-
-Johnny Nine shuffled his feet. There was an awkward silence.
-
-The History of the Ship. Which of them would dare attempt that?
-
-The life of twenty-one generations; the death of nineteen; the dream of
-Earth....
-
-Their little, circumscribed hopes and fears. The little things out of
-the night drench of a thousand lives. How well they lived together, the
-mutual respect and the mutual affection....
-
-The little things whose total is life.
-
-Or the big things.
-
-Like the Great Sickness, during the Second Generation. It had almost
-finished the Ship.
-
-The little things and the big, all rolled into an emotion that meant
-the Ship. That _was_ the Ship....
-
-The History of the Ship. Who could tell that? Who?
-
-The Captain walked to the transmitter. He picked up the microphone and
-switched the "send" lever over.
-
-"Hello, Earth.... Hello, Earth.... Interstellar Flight One....
-Interstellar Flight One.... For your press.... Repeat.... For your
-press...."
-
-There was only one thing to say: "We're coming Home!"
-
-That single sentence crackled its way across the vastness of space.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The Ship sped on. Its forty-nine people worked and slept and played, as
-their fathers before them, and _their_ fathers before that. But their
-hearts were glad with a new gladness.
-
-"We're inside Mars!"
-
-Johnny Nine settled back in the pilot seat, aft in the Ship, above the
-tubes.
-
-"We're inside Mars!"
-
-No one heard him. He was alone in the cramped pilot quarters.
-
-He threw in the forward jets, unused for almost two hundred years, cut
-in the forward jets to break their fall. Prayed.
-
-The great Ship trembled.
-
-Johnny Nine's hands skipped, in carefully trained movement, over a
-bewildering array of firing studs. His eyes seemed to dart everywhere,
-checking the banks of dials. The tempo increased. For ten years he had
-trained for this job; he knew it well.
-
-Then the Ship began to turn. Slowly, lazily, its nose spewing fire.
-
-It took two hours, and by then, Johnny Nine was exhausted. But it was
-done. His job was done. He had set the Ship safely in an orbit around
-the Sun, between Mars and Earth.
-
-He left the tiny pilot cabin.
-
-They would be waiting for him, forward. He wanted to run along the long
-companionway. He forced himself to walk. His heart was hammering with
-a mounting tempo.
-
- * * * * *
-
-They were all assembled in the play-area, the only large open space in
-the whole Ship. Johnny Nine came out onto the platform above it. His
-hands gripped the guard rail tightly.
-
-He looked down at the passengers below him, saw their white upturned
-faces, strained, tense. Saw Marte, holding her breath.
-
-"You felt the jets," he said, and his voice carried clear. "That means
-we're in an orbit around the Sun. Our own Sun. Just like a planet."
-
-There were no cheers. His announcement was greeted only by the low hum
-of voices, breaking like wind in pines, a sigh of relief.
-
-Then there was a stunned silence, when, for a moment, no one knew quite
-what to do with himself.
-
-After that, they began to mill around, each going to his neighbor and
-repeating the news again.
-
-"Well, we're Home."
-
-"Yes, we're Home."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The Ship drifted in its orbit, now, like a planet, like a very small
-planet, the balanced terrarium.
-
-"Listen," the Mate said. "I've got him!"
-
-He took off the headset and switched open the speaker.
-
-"Interstellar Flight One...."
-
-The voice sounded strong and clear and near.
-
-The Mate spoke into the microphone.
-
-And then they waited, their eyes on the huge sweep hand of the clock.
-
-One second, two, three--
-
-Four--
-
-Five....
-
-"Flight One. Read you fine. Expect to make approach within an hour. Has
-yur Ship a carrier magnet plate for coupling?"
-
-The Captain frowned. "Tell him no."
-
-"Hello, pilot ship. No magnet plate, repeat, no magnet plate."
-
-"... All right, Flight One. Has yur Ship serviceable suits?"
-
-The Captain said, "Better check them, Johnny."
-
-Johnny Nine left at a run to test the space suits.
-
-It took him almost half an hour. When he came back, he was breathless.
-
-"They tested, Captain!"
-
-The Mate threw the sending switch.
-
-"Pilot ship. Have suits. Repeat. Have suits."
-
-"Look!" Johnny Nine cried. He was pointing to the Observation window.
-"See it, that little light. It's their ship!"
-
-The three men looked.
-
-They could see a moving finger of fire, like a tiny comet, except that
-its tail thrust sunward.
-
-"Have located yur Ship, Flight One. We are making ready for the
-approach."
-
-The radio was silent a moment. Then:
-
-"We have a request."
-
-"Yes?" the Mate said into the microphone.
-
-"... We have full transmission equipment on our ship for a world
-program. Since you have no magnet plates to couple us, will you send
-one of yur passengers over for formal welcome?"
-
-"Tell them yes."
-
-"Yes," the Mate echoed.
-
-The wait was infinitesimal now.
-
-"Fine. Brief ceremony planned. To be broadcast to the three planets.
-At conclusion of it, we will send yur pilot to you. He will move yur
-Ship into an orbit around Earth, and you can be taken down within three
-days. That will be the fastest course, and we know all of you are
-anxious to land at the first possible moment."
-
-Johnny Nine started for the door.
-
-"Wait!" the Captain ordered. "I'll tell the passengers. You get ready
-to board their ship for the welcome."
-
-Johnny Nine felt a lump in his throat. "Yes, sir!"
-
-"Hello, Flight One. We can approach you to a thousand meters."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marte helped him into his suit. Her fingers fluttered nervously.
-
-"Three days, Johnny. Three days! It's not bad luck to say it anymore.
-Only three more days and we'll be Home!"
-
-Johnny Nine worked the hermetically sealed helmet swivel. His movements
-were stiff.
-
-"Three days."
-
-"And then--"
-
-"Marte, I love you."
-
-"Of course you do, but say it again."
-
-"I love you, Marte."
-
-He kissed her lightly.
-
-"I love you too," she told him.
-
-The passengers all gathered around him at the air lock. He looked at
-them, saw each of their faces, knew them as friends.
-
-Over to one side was a long, rude box. Newly made. Sam spoke to him
-from the muted memory of the dead; the memory not of Sam alone, but of
-nineteen generations.
-
-Marte, standing at Johnny Nine's side, clinging to his arm, looked up
-at him, and smiled. She was beautiful with the innocence of youth, and
-her smile was that of a girl who has never seen her dreams crushed.
-
-He tried to think of something to say.
-
-Finally, in desperation, he said:
-
-"I won't be gone long."
-
-He reached up and flipped his helmet forward. He buckled it in place
-with stiff fingers and stepped into the airlock. The door clanged shut
-behind him.
-
-The outer door opened into space and he popped away from the Ship,
-borne outward by the air pressure.
-
-It was silent.
-
-He could tell by the way the Ship appeared and disappeared that he was
-spinning end over end. There was no gravity, even this close to the
-Ship's artificial fields.
-
-It was the first time any of his generation had been in free space.
-
-It was awkward. He floundered.
-
-He could see the pilot ship lying off there to his left. Above him.
-
-Below him.
-
-He tried to do something about that, fumbled for the blast studs,
-found them, pushed one.
-
-It was like guiding a very small rocket that has very powerful trigger
-jets.
-
-It seemed to take an eternity to bring himself under control.
-
-But he drew nearer the pilot ship.
-
-He pushed a stud.
-
-The ship loomed large; it hit him. He tried to twist as he had read it
-should be done, to place his feet against the ship's plates.
-
-Got them there ... and drifted away.
-
-He realized that he had forgotten to switch on the magnetic shoe plates.
-
-He magnetized his plates, gritted his teeth, pushed a stud.
-
-He hit the ship. Hard. Rolled.
-
-There. He was all right now.
-
-He walked toward the open port. It was a peculiar process. First he cut
-off the left magnet, lifted his left foot, then....
-
- * * * * *
-
-He was inside. Inside the space port of the pilot ship. The outer door
-swung closed.
-
-Darkness. Then they switched on a light.
-
-After what seemed a long time, there was enough air around him that he
-could hear it hiss from the vent through his built in outer pick-up.
-
-The inner door opened.
-
-He stepped into the ship proper.
-
-There was a group of friendly Earth-faces waiting for him. They were
-smiling.
-
-His muscles were knotted with tension. He fumbled with his helmet. He
-couldn't hold his hands still. They slipped. He twisted at the helmet,
-futilely.
-
-One of the Earthmen stepped forward to help.
-
-Then. It was off.
-
-And with that, he knew that he was Home. He felt the tension flow away
-to be replaced by a singing excitement, an excitement so intense as to
-be almost unbearable.
-
-Something had to give.
-
-... Suddenly he thought of how he must have looked, crossing to the
-pilot ship--how awkward he must have seemed to the trained spacemen
-around him.
-
-He started to laugh, explosively. At himself. Twisting awkwardly in
-space. It was funny.
-
-He laughed, and he didn't care what the Earthmen thought, seeing him
-laugh. Even if they thought he had gone crazy, he didn't care.
-
-That was the first thing he did. Laugh.
-
-After that....
-
-At first he could not understand what was wrong. The laughter died; it
-sputtered and died in a strangled gasp.
-
-Then he thought he had eaten fire, and his throat and lungs were raw.
-
-Johnny Nine swayed on his feet. The magnetized soles kept him erect.
-The Earth-faces spun dizzily around him. He reached for his helmet,
-instinctively, reached and missed, reached again.
-
-He clawed frantically at his helmet, and everything around him turned
-black.
-
-The helmet fell in place with a loud clang of steel on steel.
-
- * * * * *
-
-He was unconscious only five minutes, but, as consciousness flowed
-back, he felt his head hammer with sharp pains, and lights danced
-before his eyes. He was afraid he was going to be sick inside the space
-suit.
-
-It was fifteen minutes before he was recovered enough to listen to what
-they had to tell him.
-
-An Earth doctor, the pilot ship's surgeon, made it very plain.
-
-"... Twenty-one generations is a long time," the doctor had told him,
-"for an animal that can adapt itself as easily as man...."
-
-Johnny Nine could complete the rest of it: Sometime, long ago, perhaps
-as early as the Second Generation, perhaps at the time of the Great
-Sickness, the terrarium had been thrown out of balance. And, as the
-balance continued to shift, man continued to adapt.
-
-Until--
-
-He could hear them, around him, talking quietly.
-
-"We haven't told yur Ship, yet. We thought you'd better do that."
-
-"Yes," Johnny Nine choked.
-
-The Earthmen fell silent, ringing him in.
-
-"Yes," he said, "I'll tell them. I'll tell them Earth's air is poison,
-and her water, and her land." His voice was hollow. "I'll tell them
-that."
-
-He staggered toward the space port, blindly.
-
-"We're sorry."
-
-Johnny Nine looked at them, the ring of friendly, kindly, sad faces.
-
-"So--are--we," he said very slowly.
-
-He stepped into the lock, and, when the outer door opened, he popped
-away from the pilot ship.
-
-He floated toward the Ship that was Home.
-
-How am I going to tell them? he asked himself. How am I going to tell
-them?
-
-And Marte? Tell her that she will never feel the free wind on her face?
-
-Johnny Nine floated awkwardly away from the pilot ship.
-
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-<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Wind in Her Hair, by Kris Neville</div>
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-<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Wind in Her Hair</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Kris Neville</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 08, 2021 [eBook #65032]</div>
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-
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WIND IN HER HAIR ***</div>
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>WIND IN HER HAIR</h1>
-
-<h2>By Kris Neville</h2>
-
-<p>To Marte and Johnny Nine the space ship was<br />
-their world. And yet they dreamed of returning<br />
-home to Earth ... a planet they had never seen.</p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br />
-October 1950<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>"Marte!"</p>
-
-<p>His voice echoed hollowly, dying away to an eerie whisper, fainter and
-fainter.</p>
-
-<p>"Marte!"</p>
-
-<p>It was very silent here on the last level below the giant atomic motors.</p>
-
-<p>The feeble light showered down from a single overhead bulb; it was
-their special bulb. Marte always lit it when she came below.</p>
-
-<p>"Marte!" His voice was almost pleading.</p>
-
-<p>"Here I am, Johnny. Over here."</p>
-
-<p>"Little imp," he said, not unkindly. "What do you mean, hiding?"</p>
-
-<p>"Hiding, Johnny? I wasn't hiding.... And besides, you looked so funny
-and lost, standing there, calling me."</p>
-
-<p>He saw her, now, sitting half in shadow, leaning against the far
-bulkhead.</p>
-
-<p>His feet ping-pinged on the uncarpeted deck plates as he crossed to her.</p>
-
-<p>"Hello," she said brightly. She threw back her head, and her eyes
-caught the dim light and sparkled it. "I hoped you'd come today."
-Smiling, she held out her hand.</p>
-
-<p>He took it. "I really shouldn't have," he said.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh?" She puckered her lips in mock anger and drew him down beside
-her. "Didn't you <i>want</i> to come?"</p>
-
-<p>"You know I did."</p>
-
-<p>"Then why?"</p>
-
-<p>"They might need me in Control," he said, half seriously.</p>
-
-<p>Marte's eyes opened an involuntary fraction. "Nothing's wrong, is
-there?" Her lips had lost their sudden, native smile, and the smile in
-her eyes half fled.</p>
-
-<p>"No. Everything's fine.... I just meant in case...."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, Johnny, don't say it; please." Her eyes spoke with her voice,
-emotions bubbled in them. Her face had something of a woman's
-seriousness in it, the product more of native understanding than
-experience, and much of a girl's naivete. "Don't even <i>think</i> about
-anything like that." She looked up at him, studied his face intently,
-and then said, "Tell me that: Say nothing's going to go wrong."</p>
-
-<p>"I was just talking, Marte. Nothing can go wrong; not now."</p>
-
-<p>"Say it again!"</p>
-
-<p>"Nothing is going to go wrong," he said slowly, giving each word its
-full meaning.</p>
-
-<p>"Do you really&mdash;really and <i>truly</i>&mdash;believe that?" she asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Of course I do, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>The girl smiled. "I do too&mdash;only&mdash;" The smile faded. Her eyes focused
-on some distant place, beyond the last level, beyond the Ship itself.
-"Only sometimes I'm afraid it's too good to happen.... That I'm
-dreaming, and that all at once I'll wake up, and&mdash;" She shook her head.
-"But that's silly, isn't it, Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," he said. He settled back and rested against the bulkhead.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>There was silence for a while, two young people, hand in hand, sitting
-in silence.</p>
-
-<p>Finally, Marte spoke.</p>
-
-<p>"Here," she said, "feel." She pressed his hand against the bulkhead.
-"See how cool it is?"</p>
-
-<p>"Of course. It's the outside plate."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," she said, "I know. There's nothing but space out there." She
-squeezed his hand. "But just a little while ago, before you came, I was
-sitting here thinking. And I thought that wind must feel like that. I
-mean, not how it <i>feels</i>, exactly, but how it makes <i>you</i> feel. Wild
-and free. Without any bulkheads to keep you from walking and walking."</p>
-
-<p>He shook his head. "Little dreamer," he whispered.</p>
-
-<p>She frowned prettily. "Don't you feel it, too?"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine pressed his hand to the bulkhead again. "Yes, I guess maybe
-I do. In a way."</p>
-
-<p>"Of course you do! You've just got to. You can't <i>help</i> it! Put your
-cheek close against the bulkhead and you can almost feel the wind
-blowing on your face. I can. And if I try hard enough, I can almost
-smell the fields of flowers all in bloom and hear birds singing, like
-they were singing from far away.... And I can&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"You've been reading again," he interrupted with a smile.</p>
-
-<p>"Uh-huh," she said dreamily. "I have.... And when I finished, I came
-down here, and I thought about it, and I hoped you'd come so we could
-talk. It was poetry; it was&mdash;beautiful....</p>
-
-<p>"You know, Johnny, I'd like to write poetry. If I had the sky and the
-birds and the rivers and the mountains all to write about."</p>
-
-<p>After a moment, Johnny Nine said, "Go ahead, tell me what the poems
-were about."</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
- <div class="caption">
- <p>They envisioned themselves running hand in hand, with the wind whispering gently....</p>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>"Well...." She drew out the word slowly. "It's not what they were
-about, exactly. It's what they said, not out loud, but down deep. It's
-like getting a present that means an awful lot to you; it's not the
-present, but the way it makes your nose tickle and your stomach feel."
-She smiled wistfully.</p>
-
-<p>"They were all written a long time ago, even before the First
-Generation, by men back on Earth, but they seemed to be written just
-for us.... One was about a bird, and how it made the poet feel to watch
-it fly and hear it sing; it made him feel all warm inside.... And one
-was about a young girl who worked in the fields, reaping grain...."
-That image seemed to reverberate in her mind, for she was quiet a
-moment, as if to listen for the fading echoes.</p>
-
-<p>"I think that would be the most wonderful thing. To help things grow,
-with your own two hands, and to harvest them when they're ripe and
-waiting, not 'ponics, like Sam, but really growing out of the Earth."</p>
-
-<p>"Someday," he said softly, "you're going to write the kind of poetry
-they wrote."</p>
-
-<p>Marte looked down at her hands.</p>
-
-<p>"I want to do so many things.... Maybe help things grow, most of
-all.... I think there must be a sort of poetry in that, too.</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes?"</p>
-
-<p>"Do you think we could get a farm? It wouldn't have to be a very big
-one; just a little farm, where we could raise things?"</p>
-
-<p>"If you want it, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, I do. I <i>do</i>!" Her voice carried the lilt of youth in it.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The silences that frequently spiced their conversation had no
-embarrassed elements in them; they said as much as words, and they came
-mutually.</p>
-
-<p>"Some of it was sad. The poetry. I mean, the deep kind of sadness,
-the real sadness, the kind that has&mdash;hopelessness, and lostness, and
-aloneness in it.</p>
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse">"<i>Here he lies where he longed to be.</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>Home is the sailor, home from the sea,</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>And the hunter home from the hill.</i>"</div>
-</div></div>
-
-<p>She caught her breath, sharply. "That kind of sadness. The kind that
-says something about us. How we've dreamed and planned of going Home&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>She let her voice drift.</p>
-
-<p>"I sometimes think Earth is such a beautiful place that you have to be
-dead to go there."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine said nothing.</p>
-
-<p>"Think of the wide sky, Johnny. Where we can see the sunrise. I've
-always dreamed about seeing a sunrise.</p>
-
-<p>"A sun. That's a funny word to say; it just <i>sounds</i> warm. Sun. A sun
-that is like those little points of light, way beyond the bulkheads.
-When we see them from Observation, they look all cold. Imagine how it
-would be to be so close to one of them that it's big and warm....</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny, do you think anything could be as pretty as those pictures,
-in Compartment Seven, of a blue and gold sunrise?"</p>
-
-<p>"Even prettier."</p>
-
-<p>"Say it again!"</p>
-
-<p>"Even prettier."</p>
-
-<p>"I'll stay up, then, all the first night. I know I will. Just to see
-the sun come up."</p>
-
-<p>She drew in her legs and clasped her arms around them.</p>
-
-<p>"Tell me again what They said."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine did not answer immediately. He sat motionless, trying to
-make out the bulkhead that marked the other side of the Ship. But their
-feeble light could not penetrate so much darkness. It almost seemed as
-if there were no other bulkhead and no Ship, only darkness, there, that
-spread out to the ends of the Universe.</p>
-
-<p>Finally he spoke. "It was awful hard to hear them; we're too far away.
-As near as we could understand, they're having a celebration for us.
-Hundreds and hundreds of people will be there. All to see us."</p>
-
-<p>"Hundreds ... and ... hundreds. Hundreds and hundreds!" She turned her
-face to his. "It seems hard to believe, doesn't it? All those people!"</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe even more than that, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny?" She ducked her head and pulled her legs in tighter. "Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes?"</p>
-
-<p>"We can have babies, can't we?" She asked it in a rush.</p>
-
-<p>"... Yes. We can have babies. As many as we want."</p>
-
-<p>She wrinkled her nose. "... It seems funny, to be able to have all the
-babies you want. Not one every time somebody dies: but all you want!"</p>
-
-<p>She smiled at some secret communication with herself. "I think we'll
-have a dozen....</p>
-
-<p>"Imagine, Johnny. We can have babies that will have a real childhood.
-Not like ours, in the Ship, but one on Earth. They can play in the wind
-and in the sunshine.</p>
-
-<p>"And learn things. All kinds of things. They won't be born into one
-particular job. They can do anything they want to&mdash;anything in the
-whole wide world. And they can live in the air." She blinked her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>"It makes me so glad I want to cry."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The Big Ship, the balanced terrarium of fifty lives, swung downward in
-her path, rushing toward her parent sun, the first interstellar voyager
-coming home.</p>
-
-<p>Home. After twenty-one generations had peopled her vast bulk, after
-four hundred long years in space.</p>
-
-<p>The radio in Control crackled and sputtered; the nearly seven hour wait
-was over. The Captain, the Mate, and Johnny Nine, the pilot, listened
-intently.</p>
-
-<p>The language had changed, and the voice that came out of the speaker
-was reedy, and thin with vast distances.</p>
-
-<p>"Halloo.... Hallooo...." Like a cosmic sigh. Weird. "Yur message...."
-They could make out the words; the vowels were shorter, the consonants
-more sibilant, but they could make out the words. "... Repeat ...
-pilot...." The voice rose and fell, rose and fell. Static hacked away
-inside the speaker, split sentences, scattered words.</p>
-
-<p>"... World waiting eagerly for...." Hiss and sputter. "In answer....
-Repeat.... pilot inside Mar's orbit.... Repeat ... pilot...."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine bent forward. "I guess he means we'll get a pilot ship
-inside the orbit of Mars. They'll probably set us around Earth. We've
-got too much bulk to land."</p>
-
-<p>"They'll probably ferry us down in one of their best ships," the
-Mate said; there was a weariness and an undefined, non-directional
-bitterness in his voice. A germ of thought lay buried beneath the
-words, a half-formed memory concept: Ferry us down like they ferried
-our ancestors up&mdash;four hundred years ago&mdash;to the Leviathan&mdash;built in
-space&mdash;too big ever to land.</p>
-
-<p>The voice from Earth sighed out of the speaker; only the sputter of
-static remained. Earth was awaiting, now, the reply.</p>
-
-<p>The Mate snapped off the speaker. The new silence was stark, as if
-something other than sound had been withdrawn.</p>
-
-<p>The Captain rubbed the back of his left hand with the palm of his right.</p>
-
-<p>None of them could quite find words for their thoughts.</p>
-
-<p>It was the Captain, finally, who spoke.</p>
-
-<p>"I guess&mdash;there isn't much to tell them, is there?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain turned his swivel chair until it faced the broad
-Observation window; through it he could see out into the inconceivable
-depths of star-clustered space.</p>
-
-<p>"I've been thinking," he mused, half to himself. "Thinking a lot,
-lately." He rubbed his forehead. "About the Ship ... I've lived here a
-long time&mdash;my whole life. That's a long time. I was wondering how it
-would seem not to live here anymore."</p>
-
-<p>He put his elbows on his knees and twined his hands before his
-face. "Not for you, Johnny. For you and Marte, and the rest of the
-Twenty-first Generation, that's different. I mean for us old timers.
-When you're twenty, there's a new world ahead; when you're fifty&mdash;it's
-not ahead any more. How will it seem to us?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain shook his head slowly. "It'll sure seem funny to give this
-up. This room here, where I've worked all these years. This view&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>He waved his hand toward the Observation window.</p>
-
-<p>"This view clear into Infinity."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine crossed the room and stood before the window. He gazed into
-space. Without turning, he began to talk. There was no excitement in
-his voice, only calm certainty.</p>
-
-<p>"Think, Captain: think of other things. Think of trees and running
-water and blue sky. Think of green grass, real green grass, acres and
-acres of it, swaying in the wind. Think of that."</p>
-
-<p>The Captain smiled. "Ah, youth, Johnny.... If it had been forty years
-ago&mdash;or thirty&mdash;or even ten.... But now...." He shrugged. "We're old
-and set in our ways. We think of rest and of the familiar."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine still did not turn. "Imagine sitting on a chair, on a
-porch, facing out to the woods, across a field of corn. Imagine the
-neighborhood kids gathering about you, and you telling them how you
-were on the Interstellar Flight. How you came back from the stars."</p>
-
-<p>"Perhaps, Johnny, perhaps.... Perhaps...."</p>
-
-<p>The Mate jammed full power into the heavy transmitter. "I hope
-these tubes hold," he said matter-of-factly. "I couldn't find the
-replacements."</p>
-
-<p>The Captain came back from his thoughts. "Did you make a check of the
-Parts Index?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Sure. They're supposed to be in Compartment Four. Couldn't find them
-there. Some crazy fool probably made baby rattles out of them a hundred
-and fifty years ago."</p>
-
-<p>"I'll send someone to see if you overlooked them. You want to go,
-Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'll look, sure. Compartment Four, Skippy?"</p>
-
-<p>"Supposed to be."</p>
-
-<p>The Mate turned back to the radio. "Hello, Earth.... Hello, Earth....
-Hello, Earth.... This is Interstellar Flight One.... Interstellar
-Flight One, inside Pluto.... Hello, Earth, this is&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine closed the door behind him and left the cramped room.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In Compartment Four Johnny Nine switched on the lights; the large
-center bulb flared blue and the filaments fused. That left the
-compartment in gloom.</p>
-
-<p>Slowly the Ship was growing old. It no longer functioned as smoothly
-as before; its spare parts stock was running low. Bulbs were rationed
-and three whole levels were in continual darkness. The long night was
-creeping in, as if the jet of space was slowly digesting the interloper.</p>
-
-<p>"Sit down, Johnny. Old Sam wants to talk to you."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine dropped his hand from the switch and turned. "Oh? Oh,
-Sam.... Where did you come from?"</p>
-
-<p>"I seen you coming down, so I followed you. I wanted to talk to you
-alone. And when I seen you comin' down here, I said, 'Now, Sam, here's
-your chance to talk to Johnny.'"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Sam?"</p>
-
-<p>"Go ahead, Johnny, sit down."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine crossed to a crate that still contained parts for the
-atomic motor and sat down. "All right, Sam. Go ahead."</p>
-
-<p>Sam shuffled his feet. "I don't know how to start, hardly. Look,
-Johnny. Tell me something. True. You will, won't you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Sam, I will. You know that."</p>
-
-<p>"Sure, I know you will. Why, don't I remember when you was just a
-little tyke, how you used to come down to the gardens and watch old
-Sam? And I said, then, that if ever there's a boy that gives you a
-straight answer, that's Johnny Nine.</p>
-
-<p>"I remember you sayin', once, 'Sam,' you said, 'you've to one blue eye
-and one brown.'" Sam smiled. "Right out you said it. An' you know,
-that's right. I have. Nobody else would have told me so, because they
-were afraid of hurting my feelings. But why should I mind that I've got
-one blue eye and one brown one? Funny, how other folks think you mind,
-when really you don't....</p>
-
-<p>"Look, Johnny. About the gardens. I'm getting old&mdash;uh-uh, don't say it:
-I am and you know I am. Lately, folks have been comin' around helpin'
-me out. They let on that they're just there lookin', but they help me,
-and I know it. Is it because I'm gettin' old, Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Sam, you're like the Captain. Good for another twenty years."</p>
-
-<p>"Now, Johnny, answer old Sam straight."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine hesitated. "Well," he admitted, "you aren't as young as
-some of us, Sam. But that doesn't mean you're old. I mean, really old."
-Johnny Nine turned his head so Sam could not see his face.</p>
-
-<p>Sam cleared his throat. "Look, Johnny!" He held out a tiny bottle.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine glanced around. "Where did you get that?" he demanded
-angrily when he saw the bottle.</p>
-
-<p>"That's all right. Old Sam's got ways. An' he'll be takin' it any day
-now. You just say the word, Johnny."</p>
-
-<p>"Did somebody give that to you?" Johnny Nine demanded sharply.</p>
-
-<p>"No. Nobody gave it to me. Old Sam's had this bottle for years. Just
-waitin', Johnny. Just waitin'. For somebody to say the word."</p>
-
-<p>"Give it to me!"</p>
-
-<p>Sam snatched back the bottle. "No!" His weak old eyes showed traces of
-fire. "No. Old Sam's&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Sam," Johnny Nine said gently, "we're almost Home, Sam, almost <i>Home</i>."</p>
-
-<p>Sam laughed bitterly. He shook his head. "No, Johnny. Can't fool old
-Sam. 'Course folks <i>say</i> we are. But I <i>know</i>. Old Sam knows. I'll be
-drinkin' this any day now."</p>
-
-<p>"Sam, listen. In four&mdash;" He bit his tongue before he could say
-'months'. That superstition. "In a little while, we'll be Home. It's
-true, Sam, I wouldn't lie."</p>
-
-<p>Sam's eyes brightened. "You ain't foolin' me?"</p>
-
-<p>"No, Sam."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Sam seemed to relax. "Home," he said. "You know, Johnny, lately I've
-been dreamin' of Home. Now you say we're almost there.... You know,
-I remember, when old John Turner&mdash;I guess you don't remember old
-John&mdash;before your time&mdash;when old John, well, he told Molly Dawn (she
-was his partner), he said, 'Molly, it sure looks like the only way <i>we</i>
-can get Home is live as long an' as useful a life as Sam. Because Sam
-is just too stubborn to grow old like the rest of us.' Yes, sir, that's
-just what he said: 'Old Sam is too downright stubborn to grow old like
-the rest of us.'"</p>
-
-<p>Sam slapped his knee. "Now don't that beat all? 'Too stubborn,' he
-says."</p>
-
-<p>Sam leaned back against a row of crates. His eyes glistened in the
-light. Then the excitement died from them.</p>
-
-<p>"No, Johnny. It don't seem right for me to go on livin' when people
-come down to 'ponics every day to do my work. It <i>ain't</i> right, Johnny."</p>
-
-<p>"But Sam&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh. I know. You tell me we're almost Home. But Johnny," Sam leaned
-forward, "there ain't no Home. It's just a story they tell you when
-you're little.... Or maybe when you're old, like me. There ain't
-nothing but this here Ship and&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Sam, listen&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"But me no buts, Johnny. Old Sam knows. Yes, sir, he's been around too
-long. You're all trying to fool him, but you're not." He paused for
-breath. "I <i>know</i>, Johnny. That's why I got this here bottle. You don't
-need to hint around, trying to make it easy. You just speak up. Old Sam
-can do what's got to be done."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine stood up.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that bottle, Sam."</p>
-
-<p>"No, Johnny."</p>
-
-<p>"Give it to me!"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine took the bottle and smashed it against the deck plates.</p>
-
-<p>"We'll never need one of those again. Where we're going there's no
-tolerance factor. A man doesn't have to die just because he can't do
-all the work he once could. Earth is such a big terrarium that a man
-can just keep on living."</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny, old Sam's confused. He's all mixed up." One lone tear ran down
-his cheek.</p>
-
-<p>"You go to your cabin and get some rest. You'll never need a bottle.
-Understand that, Sam? You'll never need a bottle."</p>
-
-<p>"Then you weren't foolin' me? We're really goin' Home? Somebody said we
-were, and I thought we were, and then I thought you were all foolin' me
-and then&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>"I guess I better had, Johnny. Old Sam's tired. Old Sam's awful tired."</p>
-
-<p>He limped out of the compartment.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine watched his back until it disappeared down the companionway
-ladder to the passenger quarters. The rest of the passengers had been
-doing Sam's work for nearly three years now. But it didn't matter.
-They were so near Home that it didn't matter. They no longer needed to
-produce a balance for a new generation; it was journey's end.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine began to rummage through the supplies, extra parts for all
-sorts of fancied emergencies that never occurred, and no parts, of
-course, for those that did, over the long, four hundred years of the
-trip.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine finally found the radio spares. Mislaid behind a mass of
-junk that once had been air control gauges. One of the First Generation
-had smashed the gauges when he went mad. But the Ship had been lucky.
-It had survived without them.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Hello, Johnny. The Captain said you were&mdash;oh! Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine looked up; he smiled. He slipped out of the headset. "'Lo,
-Marte. They're broadcasting music to us. Want to listen?" He held out
-the headset. "It sounds better over these than over the speaker."</p>
-
-<p>She crossed to him, in lithe, swaying youth movements, and took the
-headset. She fitted it over her hair and began to listen.</p>
-
-<p>At first her face was expressionless. After a while, her mouth formed a
-little "o" and her eyes widened; she stood for a long time listening,
-making no sound.</p>
-
-<p>Finally, she removed the headset and laid it on the table. She seemed
-vaguely puzzled.</p>
-
-<p>"It's awful funny music, isn't it, Johnny? Not at all like ours....</p>
-
-<p>"But then I guess they'd think our songs&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>She began to hum the tune of <i>Long Night</i>. Then she sang softly:</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse">"<i>It's a long night,</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>A dark night,</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>Before the day.</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>It's a long night before the long day,</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>And we're going Home:</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>Yes</i></div>
- <div class="verse"><i>We're going Home!</i>"</div>
-</div></div>
-
-<p>She stopped.</p>
-
-<p>"I guess they'll think that's funny, Johnny. Let's not sing it for
-them, ever. If somebody would laugh at that, it would hurt me, down
-inside. Let's never sing it again."</p>
-
-<p>"All right, Marte," Johnny Nine said.</p>
-
-<p>After a moment, he stood up. "You didn't come here with the rest."</p>
-
-<p>"No ... I wanted to wait. I hoped maybe I could look at it while you
-were here. Just you and me."</p>
-
-<p>He crossed to the Observation window. "It's just the little 'scope....
-But here, I'll&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>He peered into the eyepiece and adjusted the knobs. "There.... Ah....
-That does it. There, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>He stood aside.</p>
-
-<p>She bent over the telescope. The silence drew out and out, almost
-breath-held.</p>
-
-<p>"It's.... It's.... Johnny, I feel like it was ours. Just yours and
-mine. Isn't it beautiful, all hazy blue?"</p>
-
-<p>"Can you see the continents?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes.... Yes, I think I can. Not very well. Just dark patches."</p>
-
-<p>She looked up. "It looks so little, Johnny, like a little ball. So
-little that if I had a chain, I could put it on it and then wear the
-chain around my neck."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine laughed gently. "But it's really big, Marte. Bigger than
-the Ship. A hundred times that big, a thousand&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"A million!"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, maybe even that. It doesn't seem possible, does it?"</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, I'm so happy!" She looked into the eyepiece
-again. "I'll never forget this, not as long as I live. That little tiny
-ball and the Sun. I think I feel something like God must have felt when
-he <i>made</i> it."</p>
-
-<p>"If you were to look hard enough, Marte, you could almost see our
-little farm down there&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Our farm.... Say it again, Johnny."</p>
-
-<p>"Our farm," he said.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The Ship drew nearer and nearer. The balanced terrarium pointed Home,
-rushing faster than the wind, faster than sound, faster&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>The Captain sat at his desk. For the past hour he had been drawing
-strange designs, contorted in helical animation, on a pad of yellow
-paper. Occasionally, he paused to stare out of the Observation window,
-lost in thought.</p>
-
-<p>Absently, he let the pencil drop to the deck; the sound it made spun
-away his reverie. He bent and retrieved the pencil.</p>
-
-<p>"Skippy?"</p>
-
-<p>The Mate looked up from a book. "Yes?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain chuckled. "I've been thinking about what Johnny said a
-while back."</p>
-
-<p>The Mate waited.</p>
-
-<p>"You see that star, out there, Skippy? The bright one, there on the
-left of the field? I've been watching her for years. Even thought up a
-name for her. Mary Anne. It almost seems that if I could say something,
-in just the right way, she could understand and answer me."</p>
-
-<p>The Mate closed the book and placed it on the table. When the two of
-them were alone, they sometimes talked of things that only friends can
-talk of. He maintained an encouraging silence.</p>
-
-<p>"I've been thinking, too," the Captain continued, "that when I get to
-Earth, I can still see Mary Anne. If I know where to look, she'll be
-there, just the same as always....</p>
-
-<p>"There was old Grandfather John Turner (you remember how he used to
-cuss the filters?) Remember how he talked of going Home. 'I won't live
-to see it,' he would say. 'I won't be here then,' he would say. But
-when he talked about it, it didn't seem to matter....</p>
-
-<p>"It was the dream that mattered. A dream of everything that's
-wonderful. It meant peace and beauty and rest. It meant something too
-wonderful ever to happen.... For him, it was just a dream.</p>
-
-<p>"Now that we can practically touch it, and see it, and feel it, I find
-it a rather frightening thing. It makes me feel cold inside; it makes
-my mouth get dry; it makes my hair prickle.</p>
-
-<p>"Funny, how it gets me."</p>
-
-<p>"I know what you mean," the Mate said.</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe I've been afraid all along to admit that I wanted to go Home;
-afraid that somehow wanting something so much like a dream would keep
-me from ever getting it.</p>
-
-<p>"But now that we're almost there, I've changed. Remember what Johnny
-said, 'How would you like to sit on a porch and tell the kids how you
-came back from the stars?'"</p>
-
-<p>The Mate nodded and smiled. "It kinda got me too."</p>
-
-<p>The Captain looked at the icy points of light again, set against the
-ebon of eternal night. "It does get you....</p>
-
-<p>"On Earth, Mary Anne will sparkle. I guess everything sparkles there.
-Stars sparkle; water sparkles in the sunlight; the air sparkles; life
-sparkles."</p>
-
-<p>He stood up and turned his back on the window.</p>
-
-<p>"You know, once I get my feet down there, I'm going to see that they
-stay. I'm never going to take them off. Not even so much as a single
-mile. I'm going to get me a bushel basket, and I'm going to fill it
-with Earth, and when I go to bed, I'm going to have it right there
-beside me, so I can reach out with my hands, anytime in the night, and
-feel it."</p>
-
-<p>"For a long time, Ed, I was scared, like you were, that something would
-happen. But now we're so near, I don't know.... I was afraid that maybe
-things had changed; that there wouldn't be any people. That maybe&mdash;I
-guess I always see the dark side, don't I?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain said, "Maybe there's some good in that. But this time I'm
-going to sound a little like Johnny. Things may have changed, Skippy.
-From what we've read about. We've got to expect that. But it can't be
-too different. We can adjust. Man can always adjust."</p>
-
-<p>He turned again to the window.</p>
-
-<p>"And there's always Earth herself. You can look through the 'scope and
-see her out there, just like she's been for a billion years. Home.
-That hasn't changed. The air of Home; the water of Home. That doesn't
-change."</p>
-
-<p>"I guess you're right, Ed," the Mate agreed. "That can't change."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>He found her down below the motors on the last level. Their light was
-burning dimly.</p>
-
-<p>She had been crying.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine stood watching her for a long time. Finally he said, "I'm
-sorry, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>She looked up. Her face was tear-cast, and her eyes were red. "It's....
-It's...." Her voice caught in a sob. "Oh, Johnny, why? <i>Why</i>, Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine had no answer to that question.</p>
-
-<p>"Why did he have to do it&mdash;just when we were almost Home?" She began to
-cry again.</p>
-
-<p>He sat down beside her, drew her head over on his shoulder.</p>
-
-<p>"We've all got to die sometime. You, me ... Sam."</p>
-
-<p>"But not now, Johnny. Not <i>now</i>!"</p>
-
-<p>He let out his breath in a long sigh. "I know. I&mdash;I liked Sam. He was
-always good to me, always ready to stop work and explain things to me.
-But he was old, Marte, so awful old."</p>
-
-<p>"But not to see Home, when you're almost there.... He looked through
-the 'scope, but his eyes were bad and he couldn't see it. And he
-thought we were all fooling him.... But Johnny, he'd <i>had</i> to believe,
-once he got his feet down on Earth, once the wind was all around him.
-Even if he was old. He'd <i>had to</i> believe, then."</p>
-
-<p>"I know, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>There was silence for a moment.</p>
-
-<p>"You know what they say. 'When you die, you go to Earth'. Maybe Sam's
-already there. Ahead of us. Somehow."</p>
-
-<p>"He used to tell me&mdash;me&mdash;me&mdash;" She choked up; she let out her breath
-unevenly. "When I was little and went down to look at the gardens, he
-used to tell me how he&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Don't, Marte. Try not to think of it."</p>
-
-<p>"All right, Johnny. I won't. I'll try not to think of it. But Johnny&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Now, now, that's enough."</p>
-
-<p>For fully five minutes neither of them spoke.</p>
-
-<p>Then Marte asked, in a small voice, "Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes."</p>
-
-<p>"I wonder how he got the bottle."</p>
-
-<p>"Please, Marte...."</p>
-
-<p>"I <i>know</i>, Johnny. But that way. It was so cruel. If he'd just waited."
-She looked at Johnny Nine.</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>He was staring at his sandals.</p>
-
-<p>"Johnny?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes?"</p>
-
-<p>"We aren't&mdash;aren't going to reconvert him, are we? Not now?"</p>
-
-<p>"No, Marte." Johnny Nine took a deep breath. "Not now. We're going to
-take him with us, and bury him, really bury him. Put the Earth over
-him. He'd like that, Marte. Not in the reconverter, but in the cool
-Earth, the Earth of Home."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," she said very softly, "he'd like that."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Closer and closer. The Ship was well inside Jupiter, skyrocketing to
-her rendezvous with the pilot ship. The radio lapse was less than
-thirty minutes now.</p>
-
-<p>The Captain turned from the speaker. "You heard it, Johnny. What can we
-tell them?"</p>
-
-<p>Earth wanted press comments. <i>Tell us about the trip!</i></p>
-
-<p>The Mate stood up.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine shuffled his feet. There was an awkward silence.</p>
-
-<p>The History of the Ship. Which of them would dare attempt that?</p>
-
-<p>The life of twenty-one generations; the death of nineteen; the dream of
-Earth....</p>
-
-<p>Their little, circumscribed hopes and fears. The little things out of
-the night drench of a thousand lives. How well they lived together, the
-mutual respect and the mutual affection....</p>
-
-<p>The little things whose total is life.</p>
-
-<p>Or the big things.</p>
-
-<p>Like the Great Sickness, during the Second Generation. It had almost
-finished the Ship.</p>
-
-<p>The little things and the big, all rolled into an emotion that meant
-the Ship. That <i>was</i> the Ship....</p>
-
-<p>The History of the Ship. Who could tell that? Who?</p>
-
-<p>The Captain walked to the transmitter. He picked up the microphone and
-switched the "send" lever over.</p>
-
-<p>"Hello, Earth.... Hello, Earth.... Interstellar Flight One....
-Interstellar Flight One.... For your press.... Repeat.... For your
-press...."</p>
-
-<p>There was only one thing to say: "We're coming Home!"</p>
-
-<p>That single sentence crackled its way across the vastness of space.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The Ship sped on. Its forty-nine people worked and slept and played, as
-their fathers before them, and <i>their</i> fathers before that. But their
-hearts were glad with a new gladness.</p>
-
-<p>"We're inside Mars!"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine settled back in the pilot seat, aft in the Ship, above the
-tubes.</p>
-
-<p>"We're inside Mars!"</p>
-
-<p>No one heard him. He was alone in the cramped pilot quarters.</p>
-
-<p>He threw in the forward jets, unused for almost two hundred years, cut
-in the forward jets to break their fall. Prayed.</p>
-
-<p>The great Ship trembled.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine's hands skipped, in carefully trained movement, over a
-bewildering array of firing studs. His eyes seemed to dart everywhere,
-checking the banks of dials. The tempo increased. For ten years he had
-trained for this job; he knew it well.</p>
-
-<p>Then the Ship began to turn. Slowly, lazily, its nose spewing fire.</p>
-
-<p>It took two hours, and by then, Johnny Nine was exhausted. But it was
-done. His job was done. He had set the Ship safely in an orbit around
-the Sun, between Mars and Earth.</p>
-
-<p>He left the tiny pilot cabin.</p>
-
-<p>They would be waiting for him, forward. He wanted to run along the long
-companionway. He forced himself to walk. His heart was hammering with
-a mounting tempo.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>They were all assembled in the play-area, the only large open space in
-the whole Ship. Johnny Nine came out onto the platform above it. His
-hands gripped the guard rail tightly.</p>
-
-<p>He looked down at the passengers below him, saw their white upturned
-faces, strained, tense. Saw Marte, holding her breath.</p>
-
-<p>"You felt the jets," he said, and his voice carried clear. "That means
-we're in an orbit around the Sun. Our own Sun. Just like a planet."</p>
-
-<p>There were no cheers. His announcement was greeted only by the low hum
-of voices, breaking like wind in pines, a sigh of relief.</p>
-
-<p>Then there was a stunned silence, when, for a moment, no one knew quite
-what to do with himself.</p>
-
-<p>After that, they began to mill around, each going to his neighbor and
-repeating the news again.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, we're Home."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, we're Home."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The Ship drifted in its orbit, now, like a planet, like a very small
-planet, the balanced terrarium.</p>
-
-<p>"Listen," the Mate said. "I've got him!"</p>
-
-<p>He took off the headset and switched open the speaker.</p>
-
-<p>"Interstellar Flight One...."</p>
-
-<p>The voice sounded strong and clear and near.</p>
-
-<p>The Mate spoke into the microphone.</p>
-
-<p>And then they waited, their eyes on the huge sweep hand of the clock.</p>
-
-<p>One second, two, three&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>Four&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>Five....</p>
-
-<p>"Flight One. Read you fine. Expect to make approach within an hour. Has
-yur Ship a carrier magnet plate for coupling?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain frowned. "Tell him no."</p>
-
-<p>"Hello, pilot ship. No magnet plate, repeat, no magnet plate."</p>
-
-<p>"... All right, Flight One. Has yur Ship serviceable suits?"</p>
-
-<p>The Captain said, "Better check them, Johnny."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine left at a run to test the space suits.</p>
-
-<p>It took him almost half an hour. When he came back, he was breathless.</p>
-
-<p>"They tested, Captain!"</p>
-
-<p>The Mate threw the sending switch.</p>
-
-<p>"Pilot ship. Have suits. Repeat. Have suits."</p>
-
-<p>"Look!" Johnny Nine cried. He was pointing to the Observation window.
-"See it, that little light. It's their ship!"</p>
-
-<p>The three men looked.</p>
-
-<p>They could see a moving finger of fire, like a tiny comet, except that
-its tail thrust sunward.</p>
-
-<p>"Have located yur Ship, Flight One. We are making ready for the
-approach."</p>
-
-<p>The radio was silent a moment. Then:</p>
-
-<p>"We have a request."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes?" the Mate said into the microphone.</p>
-
-<p>"... We have full transmission equipment on our ship for a world
-program. Since you have no magnet plates to couple us, will you send
-one of yur passengers over for formal welcome?"</p>
-
-<p>"Tell them yes."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," the Mate echoed.</p>
-
-<p>The wait was infinitesimal now.</p>
-
-<p>"Fine. Brief ceremony planned. To be broadcast to the three planets.
-At conclusion of it, we will send yur pilot to you. He will move yur
-Ship into an orbit around Earth, and you can be taken down within three
-days. That will be the fastest course, and we know all of you are
-anxious to land at the first possible moment."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine started for the door.</p>
-
-<p>"Wait!" the Captain ordered. "I'll tell the passengers. You get ready
-to board their ship for the welcome."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine felt a lump in his throat. "Yes, sir!"</p>
-
-<p>"Hello, Flight One. We can approach you to a thousand meters."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marte helped him into his suit. Her fingers fluttered nervously.</p>
-
-<p>"Three days, Johnny. Three days! It's not bad luck to say it anymore.
-Only three more days and we'll be Home!"</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine worked the hermetically sealed helmet swivel. His movements
-were stiff.</p>
-
-<p>"Three days."</p>
-
-<p>"And then&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Marte, I love you."</p>
-
-<p>"Of course you do, but say it again."</p>
-
-<p>"I love you, Marte."</p>
-
-<p>He kissed her lightly.</p>
-
-<p>"I love you too," she told him.</p>
-
-<p>The passengers all gathered around him at the air lock. He looked at
-them, saw each of their faces, knew them as friends.</p>
-
-<p>Over to one side was a long, rude box. Newly made. Sam spoke to him
-from the muted memory of the dead; the memory not of Sam alone, but of
-nineteen generations.</p>
-
-<p>Marte, standing at Johnny Nine's side, clinging to his arm, looked up
-at him, and smiled. She was beautiful with the innocence of youth, and
-her smile was that of a girl who has never seen her dreams crushed.</p>
-
-<p>He tried to think of something to say.</p>
-
-<p>Finally, in desperation, he said:</p>
-
-<p>"I won't be gone long."</p>
-
-<p>He reached up and flipped his helmet forward. He buckled it in place
-with stiff fingers and stepped into the airlock. The door clanged shut
-behind him.</p>
-
-<p>The outer door opened into space and he popped away from the Ship,
-borne outward by the air pressure.</p>
-
-<p>It was silent.</p>
-
-<p>He could tell by the way the Ship appeared and disappeared that he was
-spinning end over end. There was no gravity, even this close to the
-Ship's artificial fields.</p>
-
-<p>It was the first time any of his generation had been in free space.</p>
-
-<p>It was awkward. He floundered.</p>
-
-<p>He could see the pilot ship lying off there to his left. Above him.</p>
-
-<p>Below him.</p>
-
-<p>He tried to do something about that, fumbled for the blast studs,
-found them, pushed one.</p>
-
-<p>It was like guiding a very small rocket that has very powerful trigger
-jets.</p>
-
-<p>It seemed to take an eternity to bring himself under control.</p>
-
-<p>But he drew nearer the pilot ship.</p>
-
-<p>He pushed a stud.</p>
-
-<p>The ship loomed large; it hit him. He tried to twist as he had read it
-should be done, to place his feet against the ship's plates.</p>
-
-<p>Got them there ... and drifted away.</p>
-
-<p>He realized that he had forgotten to switch on the magnetic shoe plates.</p>
-
-<p>He magnetized his plates, gritted his teeth, pushed a stud.</p>
-
-<p>He hit the ship. Hard. Rolled.</p>
-
-<p>There. He was all right now.</p>
-
-<p>He walked toward the open port. It was a peculiar process. First he cut
-off the left magnet, lifted his left foot, then....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>He was inside. Inside the space port of the pilot ship. The outer door
-swung closed.</p>
-
-<p>Darkness. Then they switched on a light.</p>
-
-<p>After what seemed a long time, there was enough air around him that he
-could hear it hiss from the vent through his built in outer pick-up.</p>
-
-<p>The inner door opened.</p>
-
-<p>He stepped into the ship proper.</p>
-
-<p>There was a group of friendly Earth-faces waiting for him. They were
-smiling.</p>
-
-<p>His muscles were knotted with tension. He fumbled with his helmet. He
-couldn't hold his hands still. They slipped. He twisted at the helmet,
-futilely.</p>
-
-<p>One of the Earthmen stepped forward to help.</p>
-
-<p>Then. It was off.</p>
-
-<p>And with that, he knew that he was Home. He felt the tension flow away
-to be replaced by a singing excitement, an excitement so intense as to
-be almost unbearable.</p>
-
-<p>Something had to give.</p>
-
-<p>... Suddenly he thought of how he must have looked, crossing to the
-pilot ship&mdash;how awkward he must have seemed to the trained spacemen
-around him.</p>
-
-<p>He started to laugh, explosively. At himself. Twisting awkwardly in
-space. It was funny.</p>
-
-<p>He laughed, and he didn't care what the Earthmen thought, seeing him
-laugh. Even if they thought he had gone crazy, he didn't care.</p>
-
-<p>That was the first thing he did. Laugh.</p>
-
-<p>After that....</p>
-
-<p>At first he could not understand what was wrong. The laughter died; it
-sputtered and died in a strangled gasp.</p>
-
-<p>Then he thought he had eaten fire, and his throat and lungs were raw.</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine swayed on his feet. The magnetized soles kept him erect.
-The Earth-faces spun dizzily around him. He reached for his helmet,
-instinctively, reached and missed, reached again.</p>
-
-<p>He clawed frantically at his helmet, and everything around him turned
-black.</p>
-
-<p>The helmet fell in place with a loud clang of steel on steel.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>He was unconscious only five minutes, but, as consciousness flowed
-back, he felt his head hammer with sharp pains, and lights danced
-before his eyes. He was afraid he was going to be sick inside the space
-suit.</p>
-
-<p>It was fifteen minutes before he was recovered enough to listen to what
-they had to tell him.</p>
-
-<p>An Earth doctor, the pilot ship's surgeon, made it very plain.</p>
-
-<p>"... Twenty-one generations is a long time," the doctor had told him,
-"for an animal that can adapt itself as easily as man...."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine could complete the rest of it: Sometime, long ago, perhaps
-as early as the Second Generation, perhaps at the time of the Great
-Sickness, the terrarium had been thrown out of balance. And, as the
-balance continued to shift, man continued to adapt.</p>
-
-<p>Until&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>He could hear them, around him, talking quietly.</p>
-
-<p>"We haven't told yur Ship, yet. We thought you'd better do that."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," Johnny Nine choked.</p>
-
-<p>The Earthmen fell silent, ringing him in.</p>
-
-<p>"Yes," he said, "I'll tell them. I'll tell them Earth's air is poison,
-and her water, and her land." His voice was hollow. "I'll tell them
-that."</p>
-
-<p>He staggered toward the space port, blindly.</p>
-
-<p>"We're sorry."</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine looked at them, the ring of friendly, kindly, sad faces.</p>
-
-<p>"So&mdash;are&mdash;we," he said very slowly.</p>
-
-<p>He stepped into the lock, and, when the outer door opened, he popped
-away from the pilot ship.</p>
-
-<p>He floated toward the Ship that was Home.</p>
-
-<p>How am I going to tell them? he asked himself. How am I going to tell
-them?</p>
-
-<p>And Marte? Tell her that she will never feel the free wind on her face?</p>
-
-<p>Johnny Nine floated awkwardly away from the pilot ship.</p>
-
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