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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..50503d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #63429 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/63429) diff --git a/old/63429-h.zip b/old/63429-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 36560b3..0000000 --- a/old/63429-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63429-h/63429-h.htm b/old/63429-h/63429-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 99a13cc..0000000 --- a/old/63429-h/63429-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1248 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Joe Carson's Weapon, by James R. 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Adams - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Joe Carson's Weapon - -Author: James R. Adams - -Release Date: October 10, 2020 [EBook #63429] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOE CARSON'S WEAPON *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>Joe Carson's Weapon</h1> - -<h2>By JAMES R. ADAMS</h2> - -<p>From Mars they had come, these vanguards<br /> -of a ruthless horde that would conquer<br /> -Earth—if they could steal the weapon<br /> -of Joe Carson's fertile mind.</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Planet Stories Spring 1945.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Joe Carson grinned broadly and again reread his letter to the editor -of <i>Galactic Adventures</i>. <i>Galactic Adventures</i> was Joe's favorite -science-fiction magazine and he had spent many happy hours roaming the -cold of space and inventing ponderous machines through the medium of -its pages.</p> - -<p>The latest issue lay open on the desk before him, its garish cover -mercifully hidden from view. The cover was Joe's main reason for -writing his missive, although he had several minor motives, not the -least of them being his desire to see his name in print. The book was -opened to the readers' section, which contained various vituperative -gripes, complaints and kicks in the pants for the editor, intermingled -with gushy, complimentary notes that praised the magazine to high -heaven. Boy! That one from Henry Snade (<i>The Obscure Organism</i>) was a -lulu. It told the editor, in no uncertain terms, where to go and gave -half a page of reasons why he should never return.</p> - -<p>Joe had all but bashed his brains out trying to pen a letter half as -entertaining as the one from Snade and now his eyes flickered with -appreciation as he scanned the product of his efforts.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>Ye Humble Ed:</p> - -<p>Once again the keeper has negligently left my door unlatched and I -slyly crawl from my cage, drawn by one, irrevocable purpose. Glancing -hither and yon, to make sure I am unobserved, I dash to the fence and -clear it with a prodigious leap that carries me half way to the corner -drugstore.</p> - -<p>Snatching a tricycle from a gawping kid, I push his face in the mud -and pedal furiously the remaining distance to the store. Leaping off, -I rush in and batter my way through the screaming throng, shouting -imprecations at all who stand in my way.</p> - -<p>Panting with exhaustion, I at last reach my goal and clutch it to my -breast. The crowd surges forward and frantic hands grab at the prize.</p> - -<p>"It's mine! All mine!" I shout in their faces. "No one can take it -from me!"</p> - -<p>Galloping madly from the store I race swiftly across yards and up -alleys, quickly losing the howling mob in the distance. Squatting -under a street-lamp, I sneak a triumphant look at the treasure. What -is it? Yep, you guessed it—<i>Galactic Adventures</i>!</p> - -<p>But—shades of Major Mars!—what is that horrible monstrosity on the -cover? A BEM, no less ... an abominable, wretched BEM. Why, oh why, -can't we have at least one different cover painting? Wesley is no -good. Get Marlini or Sidney to do the covers. I don't mind a BEM now -and then, but a steady diet of them soon palls on the palate. (Heh -heh.) All joking aside, your covers are terrific.</p> - -<p>Now we come to the task of rating the stories. Only one stands out -in my mind as being of excellent quality. I refer to Arthur M. Ron's -super-epic, <i>The Infinite Finite</i>. The other stories paled into -insignificance in comparison to this classic. More power to Ron! -<i>Percival's Puissant Pulveriser</i> and <i>Nothing Is Something</i> follow -Ron's story in that order. The rest are not worth mentioning.</p> - -<p>The interior illustrations are somewhat better than the cover, -although, for the most part, they are inaccurate and do not follow -the themes of the stories. Ye gods! Can't your artists read? So much -for the art, which wasn't so much.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Say! What does that jerk, <i>The Amphibious Android</i>, mean by calling -me a "mere child"? His assertion that I'm but a youth of fifteen is a -good way off the beam. I've been reading <i>Galactic Adventures</i> for the -past eight years and I was nine years old when I picked up my first -copy, so figure it out for yourself. A jug of sour <i>zeni</i> to him. May -fire burst out in his s.f. collection and utterly destroy it. No! I -retract that. That's too horrible a fate, even to visit upon <i>The -Amphibious Android</i>. Let him wallow in his ignorance. I, <i>The Super -Intellect</i>, will smile down on him and forgive him his sins.</p> - -<p>That's an interesting letter from Charlie Lane. <i>The Miserable Mutant</i> -has propounded an amazing theory that has set me to wondering. Perhaps -G. A. can induce one of its authors to work this theory into a story. -I'm reserving my four wooden nickels right now for the tale, if it -is written. I'll even suggest a title—<i>Those Who Are Froze In The -Cosmos</i>. How's that? Well, I didn't like it either.</p> - -<p>Once again I tear my hair and roar: GIVE US TRIMMED EDGES! Ye Ed must -know by now that the majority of fandom is in favor of trimmed edges. -As it is, one comes suddenly to the most interesting part of a story, -at the very bottom of a page and spends several moments feverishly -attempting to gain a hold on the ragged edge and go on to the next -passage. By the time he has accomplished this, he is a raving lunatic, -a martyr to trimmed edges. I am not a crusader, as is <i>The Misled -Biped</i>, but I insist on seeing justice done.</p> - -<p>As a whole, this is a fair issue. I might even call it good, if it -were not for the artwork and stories. Ron's epic will live forever in -my mind, although its ending was rather weak and it could have been -developed into a more powerful tale by having the Slads all die in the -Inferno.</p> - -<p>I enter my plea for longer stories. A long novel by M. S. Jensen would -be appreciated. His last, <i>Dr. Higbaum's Strange Manifestation</i>, was -a gem. On the other hand, short stories are not without merit and -good old G. A. wouldn't be the same without them. I believe the story -policy had best remain as is.</p> - -<p>Give Higgins a rest. His yarns are rapidly degenerating into hack, -with only four out of the last five meeting with this reader's -approval. I don't like to be finicky, but it seems like he isn't -contributing his best material to G. A.</p> - -<p>Well, this missive is growing to huge proportions and I would like to -see it in print, so I'd better sign off.</p> - -<p>Oh, yeh, almost forgot to comment on the departments. They are all -good, with <i>The Reader's Opinion</i> being the most interesting. Ye Ed's -ruminations come in for a close second. Do not change the departments -in any way, although the quiz and the <i>Strange Phenomena</i> feature -could be discontinued, without any great loss.</p> - -<p>Before I close, I wish to make a revelation which will rock the world. -Yes, Ed, I have a secret weapon! Nothing can stand against this -terrible invention and, with it, I could even destroy Earth, with Mars -and Pluto thrown in for good measure. Beware, Ed, lest you arouse -my ire and cause me, in my wrath, to unleash this vast force upon -helpless, trusting mankind.</p> - -<p>Having read G. A. from cover to cover, I crawl back to my cage, -drooling with delight. Prying up a loose stone in the center of the -floor, I tenderly deposit the mag among the other issues of my golden -hoard. Replacing the stone, I sigh contentedly and manipulate my lower -lip with two fingers to indicate complete satisfaction. See you next -issue!</p> - -<p class="ph1">Joe Carson<br /> -<i>The Super Intellect</i></p></div> - -<p>Joe carefully placed the letter in a previously addressed envelope, -mentally complimenting himself for authoring such a masterpiece. -Slapping a stamp on the back, he sealed the envelope and rushed forth -to post it at the nearest mail-box.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um slowly materialized and glanced about to take stock of -their surroundings. They were on the roof of some tall building and -night pressed in all about them, relieved only by the intermittent -winking of a huge neon sign anchored on the roof.</p> - -<p>They had come from far off Mars to draw out and discover the weaknesses -of Earth—for the Great Invasion was not far in the offing and the -Grand Councilor had deemed it wise to know in advance where best to -strike and in what manner.</p> - -<p>Mars was in its final death throes and its inhabitants must soon -immigrate to a new world or perish. Their sister planet, Earth, was -best adapted to their particular form of life, thus it had been -selected for subjugation to their purpose.</p> - -<p>The atoms that were Harl and Kir-Um were hurled, in a state of -fluidity, through space, to be reassembled on Earth. For the purpose of -escaping detection, they had assumed the bodies of terrestrials and now -they stood, staring triumphantly out over this world that was soon to -be theirs. The conquering hordes would follow later in spaceships, as -soon as Harl and Kir-Um had gathered the necessary data.</p> - -<p>Harl spoke—mastering the strange vocal-cords with an ease that amazed -him. To be sure, he spoke an alien, unintelligible tongue. We translate:</p> - -<p>"Well, Kir-Um, what now? We have arrived at our destination, but I -haven't the slightest idea what to do next."</p> - -<p>Kir-Um pondered this a moment and eventually answered: "The situation -suggests we first descend to the surface of this world and, from there, -perhaps we can map a line of attack."</p> - -<p>"E-e-e-ump!" Harl made the noise, which, on Mars, denoted extreme -pleasure. "Excellent, Kir-Um. How can a decadent civilization, such as -this one undoubtedly is, stand against such brilliant minds as ours?"</p> - -<p>"You are right, as usual, Harl," Kir-Um agreed. "My analysis of the -problem was only typical of a Martian. Now, let us proceed to the base -of this crude structure."</p> - -<p>By diligent search, they finally located a stair leading downward and -cautiously made their way into the bowels of the building.</p> - -<p>Reaching the fifth floor, Kir-Um placed a restraining hand on Harl's -shoulder and pointed excitedly to a door at the far end of the hall. -Light streamed from beneath it and glowed faintly through the frosted -glass panel set in its upper half.</p> - -<p>Scarcely daring to breathe, they approached the door and stood, -regarding it with apprehensive eyes. Harl noted the gold-leaf lettering -on the glass panel, but the cryptic legend had no meaning to his -Martian mind. But, to an Earthly member of that rabid army known as -scientification fans, the words would have brought a tinge of awe. For -this was the room where far-flung systems were denied existence, by one -shake of a firm, unyielding head; where the most expressive cuss-words -of super villains were brutally censored with a fiendish swipe of a -little, blue pencil—the editorial office of <i>Galactic Adventures</i>.</p> - -<p>"Harl," Kir-Um whispered softly. "There's a <i>creature</i> in that room! Do -you not detect its thought vibrations?"</p> - -<p>Harl opened his mind to reception and stood a moment, as if in a -trance. His eyes slowly dilated and he gasped in astonishment.</p> - -<p>"Yes, Kir-Um, there is a creature in there. A strange, horrible -<i>creature</i>, possessed of mad, meaningless thoughts. I—I wonder what -<i>it</i> looks like?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Kir-Um pointed to a small, oddly-shaped aperture, which undoubtedly was -some sort of device for locking the door. Hesitantly he stepped forward -and placed his eye to the hole.</p> - -<p>Inside the room, Newt Jorgsen, the building's janitor, was hugely -enjoying the contents of a letter he had retrieved from the -wastebasket. Tears streamed from his blurry eyes and his bent, bony -shoulders shook with spasms of laughter. His gunboat feet were planted -firmly on the editor's desk and a tall bottle of beer, smuggled in -by devious means and of which Newt was inordinately fond, sat on the -floor at his side. The letter was from one Joe Carson and the mirth -it provoked almost caused Newt to spill from his precarious perch -and brought numerous, gleeful shouts of, "Oh, Yimminy!" from his -foam-flecked lips.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um stared in amazement at this tableau and uttered a quick, -staccato, "Ickly-unc!" Luckily, Newt did not hear the Martian's -expression of surprise, but continued his perusal of the letter.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um drew back and silently motioned Harl to look. Harl sucked in his -breath, but dutifully bent forward to the door. Newt had just placed -the bottle to his lips and Harl gasped with horror as he half-emptied -it, with one, tremendous gulp. On Mars, such wanton waste of moisture -would be punished with swift death, without benefit of trial. But this -wasn't Mars: this was Earth, the planet of abundance.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um plucked at Harl's sleeve. "Why do we cringe at the sight of this -<i>creature</i>, Harl?" he whispered. "After all, <i>it</i> is no more repulsive -than are these wretched bodies we have nobly assumed, for the glory -of our race. We are great, Harl. Unselfishly, we have foregone the -pleasures and conveniences of our magnificent physiques, so that our -civilization might once again take its rightful place in the destiny of -our System."</p> - -<p>Harl's mind wistfully conjured a picture of his own, splendid body, -with its bulbous head, sleek, furry torso and many sensitive tentacles, -and he sighed heavily. "Yes, we are truly martyrs. My only regret is, I -have but nine tentacles to give for my species."</p> - -<p>The two ceased their council of self-glorification and stood -"listening" to the thoughts of the Being inside. Their first impression -was that the Earthman was insane, so the mad cogitations of his mind -would indicate. Such random notions as: "Corner drugstore ... BEM ... -Amphibious Android ... Trimmed edges ..." had no significance to them. -But, quite suddenly, they picked up a thought that electrified their -very beings and caused a quick glance of fear to pass between them. -At the same time, it was a glance of elation, for here they had found -what was probably Earth's most invulnerable armament. Intently, they -concentrated on the astonishing thought unraveling in the creature's -brain.</p> - -<p>Newt had reached the next to the last paragraph of Joe Carson's letter -and he was now reading it, with great enthusiasm. The hearty chuckles -it gave Newt were lost on the Martians, for they did not know the -meaning of humor. They understood only that here was the greatest force -against which they would have to contend; the biggest obstacle in the -path of the coming invasion; a barrier that would have to be battered -down and made impotent.</p> - -<p>"This is incredible, Harl," Kir-Um whispered in awe. "Imagine it—a -weapon powerful enough to destroy all Earth! With such a thing, they -could completely annihilate our invading forces."</p> - -<p>"It causes me no little alarm," Harl agreed. "I can't conceive -of such a fantastic weapon, but perhaps these Earthlings possess -more intelligence than we give them credit for. Perhaps they have -anticipated our invasion and have prepared for it."</p> - -<p>"Harl," Kir-Um said with great solemnity, "I believe we are standing -in a citadel of science. A place where great, new theories and devices -are propounded and deliberated. And that <i>creature</i> in there is the -guiding hand of this stronghold of knowledge. The letter he is reading -was undoubtedly written by the highest intellect of this world. As you -say, this genius may have foreseen our coming and moved to nullify -it. Spurred on by desperation, he created this marvelous weapon and -thought to surprise our onrushing, confident armies with an impregnable -defense. Quite by chance, we have stumbled upon this dastardly plot, -before it could be brought to bear."</p> - -<p>"But what can we do?" Harl despaired. "The letter does not reveal the -nature of this weapon. How can we combat something of which we know -absolutely nothing? I am of the opinion we should abandon our conquest -and die a slow, peaceful death on our own aging world."</p> - -<p>Kir-Um deliberated this advice, the deciding factor being a vision of -the Grand Councilor rising up in all his wrath and condemning the two -who had brought the bad news.</p> - -<p>"No, Harl. The Grand Councilor might not approve of such a course. -To suggest such a thing would be to admit we have failed, and -the Councilor does not tolerate failure. Without thought of the -consequences, he might order us executed and deprive our planet of two -of its greatest minds. No, that won't do."</p> - -<p>"We have no alternative," Harl pointed out, still whispering. "We -cannot stand against such a weapon, and better to sacrifice ourselves -than have our entire space fleet meet with destruction. If only our -armies could come through the Ato-Decomposera Twunend-Materializationa -Tutherend, perhaps we could surprise these scheming Earthlings and -overwhelm them, before they could bring this tremendous force into -play. But, unfortunately, we don't have the metal to build enough of -the machines."</p> - -<p>Kir-Um nodded thoughtfully. "No, we can't stand against this weapon. -But we can gain possession of it and put it to our own use!"</p> - -<p>Harl stared uncomprehendingly at Kir-Um. "You mean, ferret out this -genius and force him to divulge the plans of his invention?"</p> - -<p>There was a gleam in Kir-Um's eye now. "Not only that, we'll secure a -working model and take it with us, to study and build from. No doubt -the weapon is complicated and, in this manner, we can gain first-hand -knowledge of its working."</p> - -<p>"E-e-e-ump," Harl murmured softly. "Good, good, Kir-Um. It amazes me -that I didn't think of the very same thing. But, of course, you're one -hundred and thirty nine years older than I and, naturally, your mind is -more alert."</p> - -<p>"Naturally," Kir-Um nodded. "But to get back to more vital matters.... -We shall go to this Joe Carson, who, according to the thoughts of that -<i>creature</i> inside, resides in a place called Majestic, Maine. I also -receive the impression this town is three hundred miles north of here, -in a straight line. The problem of transportation is easily solved; we -will purloin some sort of vehicle for the purpose. Once there, we shall -question this intellect, under influence of a hypnotic sleep, and lay -bare his secret. The plan will move forward of its own momentum then. -Let us go."</p> - -<p>The two alien beings from a far world eventually gained the ground -floor and, easily forcing the, to them, crude lock, made their way out -into the night.</p> - -<p>For a long moment, they stood, looking up at the black, impassive -sky. Something within their hearts called out to the mocking void for -reassurance; pleading for a tiny shred of encouragement. But no answer -came from the hollow emptiness that surrounded them.</p> - -<p>Then, placing a thumb and finger to their nostrils, in the ageless -Martian gesture signifying complete unity of purpose, Harl and Kir-Um -strode forth to meet the destiny that awaited them.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Joe Carson glanced back uneasily at the two disheveled, unkempt -figures pedaling along wearily behind him. He was returning home -from the nearest drugstore, having purchased there all the latest -science-fiction magazines he could lay his hands on. The mysterious -strangers had appeared suddenly from a side-street, four blocks back, -and had clung doggedly to his trail, from that point on. Joe didn't -know what they were up to, but he was keeping a wary eye on them.</p> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um had performed a somewhat remarkable feat in driving -two stolen bicycles across three hundred odd miles of steaming, -strength-sapping, concrete highways and bumpy, bone-dry country lanes, -that weren't much more than wagon-ruts through the woods. They had made -many false starts and had fallen prey to numerous mishaps, such as -punctures and broken spokes. They had subsisted on berries, small game -and whatever food they could glean from a farmer's field. Since they -had not yet mastered the tongue of these Earth people, they couldn't -ask for food at the small road-stands that dotted the way. Nor could -they ask directions to their destination. But, by dint of stubborn -adherence to their purpose, they had, at last, arrived at the little, -prosaic town of Majestic. Covered with dust from head to foot and -ready to topple, from sheer exhaustion, they made their way through -the streets, feeling a dull conviction of defeat growing within them. -For they were unable to read the names of the streets or the numbers -of the houses lined tidily along each side, like proud soldiers. -It was night again and the uncompromising gloom only added to their -despair. The glaring street-lamps winked gleefully at their plight and -cast strange shadows to confuse their tired minds. The plain natives -who passed them paid no attention to the Martians. Being of a farming -community, they were used to seeing men encrusted with dirt and grime, -going home to a hard-earned night's rest.</p> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um were about ready to concede failure, when they had -turned from a side-street into the main thoroughfare. There, a thought -impinged upon their ever-receptive minds that lent new zest to their -sinking spirits. The reflection they received was:</p> - -<p>"Boy! You're a lucky stiff, Joe Carson. You'll sure have some good -reading tonight!"</p> - -<p>Joe Carson! The name struck a vibrant chord in their brains and sent a -feeling of elation surging through their bodies. Here was the object of -their quest. The person whom they had travelled across scores of miles -of terrifying, unfamiliar terrain to find.</p> - -<p>Immediately they took up a close orbit in his wake, determined not to -lose this brilliant inventor of strange weapons in the darkness of the -night.</p> - -<p>Joe was at once aware of his shadows, but he thought perhaps they -merely happened to be going his way. As block followed block, however, -with no let-up of the pursuit, he began to suspicion a dire purpose -behind their actions.</p> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um were slowly overtaking the object of their chase, -making no attempt to conceal themselves. Squeezing out every last bit -of energy, they matched pace with Joe, as he speeded up his pedaling in -an effort to pull away.</p> - -<p>Joe was beginning to get a little bit scared. What could he have that -the strangers would want? Certainly not his bike, for it was worth -only a few dollars and had just about seen the end of its years of -usefulness. He laughed mentally at the fantastic thought that maybe -they were after his science-fiction magazines. Then, what?</p> - -<p>They were approaching Joe's house now and his fear mounted steadily. -His parents were gone, away at some social function, and they wouldn't -return for three or four hours yet. There was nothing else to do, and -so Joe, philosophically deciding to let fate take its course leaped -from his bike and made a sudden dash for the shelter of the house.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Instantly they were after him, pounding across the dew-laden sod with -all the agility and grace of a couple of rampaging hippopotamuses. Joe -bounded through the front door and swung to snap the night-lock. At -that moment, something grasped his mind in a firm, unrelenting grip. He -no longer had any desire to resist the intruders and stood waiting for -them to enter and make him prisoner. Quickly Harl and Kir-Um forced him -into a chair and stared down at their victim with triumphant eyes.</p> - -<p>"So," Harl panted. "At last we shall learn the secret of Joe Carson, -Earth's most amazing genius. Kir-Um, he is but a youth. I shudder at -the thought of one so young possessing so much knowledge. Could it be -that we have made a mistake?"</p> - -<p>Kir-Um looked up at Harl reprovingly. "Do Martians ever err?" he -demanded. "No, this boy has a powerful, secret weapon and we must get -it from him, at all costs. I can't understand you, Harl. It would -seem as if you actually sympathize with these puny Earth people. The -Councilor wouldn't like to hear that, Harl. I would hate to see my best -friend put to death because he was too friendly with the enemy."</p> - -<p>"I'm not friendly with these Earthlings, Kir-Um," Harl hastily -objected. "I merely think we should be cautious and not proceed at too -fast a pace but what we shall be lured into some sort of death trap."</p> - -<p>"Well and good," Kir-Um nodded. "I believe we both realize our task -calls for vigilance and a meticulous sifting of fact from fancy. That -much goes unsaid. Conceding this genius is merely a boy, perhaps he is -a child prodigy or, then again, he may have invented this weapon by -accident. That is of little import, however. He has the weapon, we want -it and we shall have it."</p> - -<p>Harl bowed humbly. "You are right again, Kir-Um. Your deductive powers -constantly amaze me. Shall we begin the questioning?"</p> - -<p>Kir-Um wasted no time in preliminaries, but came right to the point.</p> - -<p>"Where is your secret weapon, boy?" he snapped. He spoke in his native -Martian tongue, but the thought behind the words was quite clear in Joe -Carson's receptive mind. Joe fumbled for words and finally answered:</p> - -<p>"Weapon? What weapon? The only kind of weapon I've got is my Daisy B-B -gun, and that's no secret. Mr. Jones, next door, found out about it -yesterday when I shot out his front room window. Boy, was he sore!"</p> - -<p>Kir-Um nodded knowingly at Harl and said, in an aside: "He's trying to -mislead us. But he won't succeed. The truth will out."</p> - -<p>Harl leaned forward to try his hand at the cross-examination. "You know -very well what weapon we mean, creature. You have kept your secret -well, but now you must relinquish it. Do not try to delude us with -fanciful stories and false denials."</p> - -<p>"Somebody's been feeding you a line, chum," Joe laughed. "Your -trolley's jumped the track. Go on back to your cage, pa, and dream up -another one. You bore me."</p> - -<p>The Martians realized the youth's mental barrier was going to be more -difficult to break through than they had anticipated. The situation -called for tact, yet the amount of time left to them necessitated a -direct attack. Kir-Um summoned all the powers of concentration at -his command and slowly, but surely, forced Joe's mind into a state -of passiveness. Satisfied, at last, the Earthling would give direct -replies to his questions, Kir-Um once more took over the interrogating -duties.</p> - -<p>"You cannot deceive us, boy," he began. "A few days ago, you wrote a -letter to Earth's great science center, <i>Galactic Ventures</i>, I believe -it is. In this letter, you stated you possessed a secret weapon, -powerful enough to destroy this whole planet. You did not divulge the -details of this invention, but promised dire happenings to anyone -unfortunate enough to have this weapon directed upon them. We want the -plans of this amazing contrivance and you will do well to place them in -our hands, without delay."</p> - -<p>"Oh, that," Joe's voice came dull and emotionless. "That's just a joke. -Just something I dreamed up to give the ed. a laugh."</p> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um didn't know what a 'laugh' was, but they did know that -they were finally making some progress. A meaningful glance passed -between them and they silently congratulated themselves for uncovering -the genius' secret in such short order.</p> - -<p>"And these <i>Jokes</i>, creature," Harl spoke, "does anyone beside yourself -possess them?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The Martians feared perhaps this strange scientist had already -distributed his weapon among his fellowmen, in preparation to resist -the coming attack. Joe's next revelation immediately justified their -fears and shocked them to the point of frustration.</p> - -<p>"Sure. All the stf. fans have their little jokes, and they never -miss a chance to use them on some dumb ninny. Once I saw the <i>Misled -Biped</i> pull a joke on a guy and he nearly went into epileptic fits. Of -course, it was a low-grade joke, or it would have laid him out cold as -a mackeral. You better never meet up with a fan when he's in a joking -mood, 'cause they don't have a bit of mercy and he'd probably play you -till you busted wide open."</p> - -<p>The goggling intruders had visions of their marvelous bodies, bloated -till they were but horrible travesties of themselves, then to burst -apart like rotten bladders. Their eyes tried to pierce the forbidding -blackness of the suddenly-alive corners of the room and sandpaper -tongues darted nervously across dry lips. This bland-faced boy seated -in front of them was suddenly a repulsive gargoyle, squatting in his -evil throne and reveling in his fiendish power.</p> - -<p>Harl coughed and made a feeble effort to compose himself. He had been -right—this was too big for them to cope with. They may as well return -to Mars and forget their dream of conquest. The Grand Councilor was a -fool for ever sending them on such a foolhardy expedition and he and -Kir-Um were still bigger fools for accepting the task. Yet, how could -they have known they would have to face a smoothly-geared organization -consisting of bloodthirsty monsters and power-mad geniuses who dreamed -up fantastic weapons just as an idle pastime? It was a plain case of -underestimation of the foe, a miserable, stupid failure.</p> - -<p>"Don't give up so easily, Harl," Kir-Um had intercepted Harl's -unguarded thoughts and, realizing utter despair was rapidly pulling -them down to the point of bolting for the door and making a frantic -exit from this mad world, grimly purchased a new hold on his waning -optimism.</p> - -<p>"Don't forget," he added, carefully shielding his thoughts from the -ugly Earth-creature, "once this force is in our hands, we will be -as powerful as they. More so, in fact, by virtue of our superior -intelligence and our ability to improve the <i>Jokes</i> and make of them -weapons far surpassing the crude originals in performance. The mere -mention of a <i>Joke</i> seems to cause a strange emotion in this youth; an -odd, violent vibrating of the entire body, accompanied by spasmodic -grunts and squeaks. Probably it is his passionate reaction to the -thought of the magnitude of his terrible deed. It is like nothing a -Martian has ever known. But it is proof this Earthling regards his own -creation with apprehensive fear and is reverently aware of its immense -potentialities. We must also realize only a portion of the population -of this world has <i>Jokes</i> at their command, which will make our -invasion easier and our victory far more certain. True, many of us will -die, but, in the end, we will have Earth and all its wondrous resources -for our very own. Would you place your own personal valuation above the -continuation of our species, Harl? Do you respect the wishes of the -Councilor—Dibble-Ibble, bless him—or do you love your own precious -fur in preference to honor and glory? Reflect a moment, Harl, and I -know you'll see the wrongness of your decision."</p> - -<p>Harl's chin was already halfway down to his feet and his shamed -blushing indicated he had reconsidered and repented. He still had his -doubts, but they had been squelched to a bare fraction of their former -greatness by Kir-Um's defaming tirade.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um reminded Harl of their determination by pinching his nostrils -together and, assured of Harl's co-operation, resumed the questioning -of the youth.</p> - -<p>"Do you have a <i>Joke</i> with you now, creature?" he asked curiously.</p> - -<p>"You bet," Joe replied. "I'm lousy with 'em. Wanta hear one? I got one -that'll simply kill you."</p> - -<p>The Martians recoiled in terror.</p> - -<p>"No," Kir-Um said sternly. "We do not wish to have the <i>Joke</i> -demonstrated on us. The first suspicious move you make, Earthling, and -you are dead. You may exhibit the <i>Joke</i> and operate it, if you wish, -but do not direct it at us, for your life."</p> - -<p>"Okay," Joe agreed amiably. "I'll just give you sort of a sample. Here -goes: Why did the moron plant dynamite in the dairy? He wanted to see a -boom in the ice cream industry!"</p> - -<p>Joe bent double, clasping his hands to his stomach and emitting loud -"Haws" and raucous "Hee hees." His head bobbed back and forth like an -apple in a tub and his feet played a staccato rhythm on the carpeted -floor.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um looked on in confused wonder. They could see no reason -for the boy's sudden outburst. They looked in vain for the weapon Joe -had promised to display. Then the light dawned in Kir-Um's mind and he -let go with a tremendous: "E-e-e-ump!"</p> - -<p>"Harl!" he said excitedly. "Don't you see—it's the words! The words -are the weapon; his <i>Joke</i>, as he calls it. Imagine it—words built -into a complex pattern to form a destructive force! It is in an embryo -stage though, Harl. This creature barely averted disaster just now when -his <i>Joke</i> back-fired on him. The pain must be excruciating, the way he -is retching and gasping for breath. We may consider ourselves lucky he -didn't aim the weapon at us. I shudder at the thought."</p> - -<p>Harl was shuddering, too. They were indeed fortunate they were not -the object of the force Joe had unleashed, or they would probably -now be nothing but lifeless hulks, rotting on the weird world that -had betrayed them. He could not understand how words could cause -such havoc, but undoubtedly they could, for wasn't the pitiful Thing -before them even now contorted with the paralyzing torture he had -accidentally inflicted upon himself? Harl knew he could never forget -the gruesome drama he was now witnessing. Why, even the creature they -had encountered at the citadel of science must have been a victim of a -<i>Joke</i>, for he had acted in the same strange manner.</p> - -<p>"That's the only possible explanation, Harl," Kir-Um was speaking -again. "This Earthling has discovered a way to assemble words in such a -formation as to cause a violent agitation in whatever they are directed -upon. I suspect, Harl, if this genius had received the full force of -that <i>Joke</i>, it would have shaken him apart, utterly and completely. In -other words, it would have decomposed his atoms and spread them from -here to Dibble-Ibble knows where. Now, we must learn how to form these -word patterns, thus to use them against our foe in the coming invasion. -Creature, have you a treatise on <i>Jokes</i>?"</p> - -<p>Joe ceased his giggling and thought a moment. Yes, he did have a -treatise on jokes and they would find it in his desk upstairs. Be -sure and not touch his perpetual-motion machine, though, for it was -delicately balanced.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um immediately dispatched Harl to procure the valuable document and -waited impatiently till his companion returned. He accepted the book -reverently and placed it safely in an inside pocket.</p> - -<p>"Good," he muttered. "Now, creature, you will forget all that took -place here."</p> - -<p>Joe nodded dully. "I understand. You guys are strictly from dreams. I -won't remember a thing about you when I come out of my coma."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The Martians walked to the door and turned to stare triumphantly at -their strange companion of the evening. There was a slight twinge -of pity in Harl's heart, as he thought of this boy as nothing but a -bunch of jumbled atoms flying helter-skelter through the universe, all -because he had made a <i>Joke</i>.</p> - -<p>"You will awaken an hour after we leave," Kir-Um directed.</p> - -<p>"Sixty minutes to the dot," Joe affirmed.</p> - -<p>Harl and Kir-Um stepped through the door and breathed deeply of the -night air. It all seemed like a nightmare now, but the significant -bulge in Kir-Um's coat pocket confirmed their brief interlude with the -amazing genius, Joe Carson.</p> - -<p>Kir-Um withdrew the book and painfully deciphered the title, by the -light streaming from a window. It read: <i>Joe Miller's Joke Book</i>. The -printer must have made a mistake, he reflected. It should read: <i>Joe -Carson's Joke Book</i>. But no matter.</p> - -<p>In the Martians' minds, a picture formed. It was a beautiful picture. -Hundreds of sleek, fast spaceships hurtled down on Earth, forming -almost a solid sky of steel above the hapless planet. They were strange -spaceships, for apparently they carried no armament. The metal that -would have been used to equip the ships with guns had, instead, gone -into the building of more dreadnaughts of space, for they possessed a -weapon far more destructive than any bolt from a ray-gun or blast of -a disintegrator-cannon. On the bridge of each ship stood a renowned -Martian scientist, a small book clutched tightly in his hand. And -on the flagship, the Grand Councilor himself occupied the place of -honor, the original copy of the weapon open on a stand before him. -As the huge armada entered Earth's atmosphere, gigantic amplifiers -blared forth messages of doom to the inhabitants. Words with horrible -meaning assailed the ears of the population: 'Why doesn't a chicken -cross the road? It doesn't want on the other side!' 'Who was that wife -I seen you with last night? That was no wife, that was a lady!' Human -creatures screamed in agony and fell in the streets. Ghastly moans of -'Ha haw oh hee!' escaped from clenched teeth and bodies retched with -the unbearable pain of their torture. Slowly their bodies decomposed, -losing a couple of billion atoms with each convulsion. Soon, not a -human remained on Earth and this beautiful world and all its riches -passed into the hands of the proven superior species—the Martians. Ah! -It was a lovely dream. But soon it would be more than a dream—it would -be happy reality. Harl and Kir-Um both sighed together.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> - <div class="caption"> - <p><i>Spacers would hover, their mighty weapons blaring forth.</i></p> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>They pressed buttons concealed under their coats and slowly began to -fade, their outlines becoming indistinct and hazy. Kir-Um raised a hand -to his head in salute.</p> - -<p>"Poor, foolish Earthlings," he murmured, "this is the end. Always -remember, if it had not been for Joe Carson's <i>Joke</i>, you would never -have found your demise. I salute you, strange creatures."</p> - -<p>And they were gone.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Joe Carson's Weapon, by James R. Adams - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOE CARSON'S WEAPON *** - -***** This file should be named 63429-h.htm or 63429-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/4/2/63429/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - - -</pre> - -</body> -</html> diff --git a/old/63429-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/63429-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 245bd92..0000000 --- a/old/63429-h/images/cover.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63429-h/images/illus.jpg b/old/63429-h/images/illus.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 7075797..0000000 --- a/old/63429-h/images/illus.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63429.txt b/old/63429.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 74d8b7a..0000000 --- a/old/63429.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1136 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Joe Carson's Weapon, by James R. Adams - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Joe Carson's Weapon - -Author: James R. Adams - -Release Date: October 10, 2020 [EBook #63429] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOE CARSON'S WEAPON *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Joe Carson's Weapon - - By JAMES R. ADAMS - - From Mars they had come, these vanguards - of a ruthless horde that would conquer - Earth--if they could steal the weapon - of Joe Carson's fertile mind. - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Planet Stories Spring 1945. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -Joe Carson grinned broadly and again reread his letter to the editor -of _Galactic Adventures_. _Galactic Adventures_ was Joe's favorite -science-fiction magazine and he had spent many happy hours roaming the -cold of space and inventing ponderous machines through the medium of -its pages. - -The latest issue lay open on the desk before him, its garish cover -mercifully hidden from view. The cover was Joe's main reason for -writing his missive, although he had several minor motives, not the -least of them being his desire to see his name in print. The book was -opened to the readers' section, which contained various vituperative -gripes, complaints and kicks in the pants for the editor, intermingled -with gushy, complimentary notes that praised the magazine to high -heaven. Boy! That one from Henry Snade (_The Obscure Organism_) was a -lulu. It told the editor, in no uncertain terms, where to go and gave -half a page of reasons why he should never return. - -Joe had all but bashed his brains out trying to pen a letter half as -entertaining as the one from Snade and now his eyes flickered with -appreciation as he scanned the product of his efforts. - - Ye Humble Ed: - - Once again the keeper has negligently left my door unlatched and I - slyly crawl from my cage, drawn by one, irrevocable purpose. - Glancing hither and yon, to make sure I am unobserved, I dash to - the fence and clear it with a prodigious leap that carries me half - way to the corner drugstore. - - Snatching a tricycle from a gawping kid, I push his face in the - mud and pedal furiously the remaining distance to the store. - Leaping off, I rush in and batter my way through the screaming - throng, shouting imprecations at all who stand in my way. - - Panting with exhaustion, I at last reach my goal and clutch it to - my breast. The crowd surges forward and frantic hands grab at the - prize. - - "It's mine! All mine!" I shout in their faces. "No one can take it - from me!" - - Galloping madly from the store I race swiftly across yards and up - alleys, quickly losing the howling mob in the distance. Squatting - under a street-lamp, I sneak a triumphant look at the treasure. - What is it? Yep, you guessed it--_Galactic Adventures_! - - But--shades of Major Mars!--what is that horrible monstrosity on - the cover? A BEM, no less ... an abominable, wretched BEM. Why, oh - why, can't we have at least one different cover painting? Wesley - is no good. Get Marlini or Sidney to do the covers. I don't mind - a BEM now and then, but a steady diet of them soon palls on the - palate. (Heh heh.) All joking aside, your covers are terrific. - - Now we come to the task of rating the stories. Only one stands out - in my mind as being of excellent quality. I refer to Arthur M. - Ron's super-epic, _The Infinite Finite_. The other stories paled - into insignificance in comparison to this classic. More power to - Ron! _Percival's Puissant Pulveriser_ and _Nothing Is Something_ - follow Ron's story in that order. The rest are not worth - mentioning. - - The interior illustrations are somewhat better than the cover, - although, for the most part, they are inaccurate and do not follow - the themes of the stories. Ye gods! Can't your artists read? So - much for the art, which wasn't so much. - - * * * * * - - Say! What does that jerk, _The Amphibious Android_, mean by calling - me a "mere child"? His assertion that I'm but a youth of fifteen is - a good way off the beam. I've been reading _Galactic Adventures_ - for the past eight years and I was nine years old when I picked up - my first copy, so figure it out for yourself. A jug of sour _zeni_ - to him. May fire burst out in his s.f. collection and utterly - destroy it. No! I retract that. That's too horrible a fate, even - to visit upon _The Amphibious Android_. Let him wallow in his - ignorance. I, _The Super Intellect_, will smile down on him and - forgive him his sins. - - That's an interesting letter from Charlie Lane. _The Miserable - Mutant_ has propounded an amazing theory that has set me to - wondering. Perhaps G. A. can induce one of its authors to work - this theory into a story. I'm reserving my four wooden nickels - right now for the tale, if it is written. I'll even suggest a - title--_Those Who Are Froze In The Cosmos_. How's that? Well, - I didn't like it either. - - Once again I tear my hair and roar: GIVE US TRIMMED EDGES! Ye Ed - must know by now that the majority of fandom is in favor of - trimmed edges. As it is, one comes suddenly to the most interesting - part of a story, at the very bottom of a page and spends several - moments feverishly attempting to gain a hold on the ragged edge - and go on to the next passage. By the time he has accomplished - this, he is a raving lunatic, a martyr to trimmed edges. I am not - a crusader, as is _The Misled Biped_, but I insist on seeing - justice done. - - As a whole, this is a fair issue. I might even call it good, if it - were not for the artwork and stories. Ron's epic will live forever - in my mind, although its ending was rather weak and it could have - been developed into a more powerful tale by having the Slads all - die in the Inferno. - - I enter my plea for longer stories. A long novel by M. S. Jensen - would be appreciated. His last, _Dr. Higbaum's Strange - Manifestation_, was a gem. On the other hand, short stories are - not without merit and good old G. A. wouldn't be the same without - them. I believe the story policy had best remain as is. - - Give Higgins a rest. His yarns are rapidly degenerating into hack, - with only four out of the last five meeting with this reader's - approval. I don't like to be finicky, but it seems like he isn't - contributing his best material to G. A. - - Well, this missive is growing to huge proportions and I would like - to see it in print, so I'd better sign off. - - Oh, yeh, almost forgot to comment on the departments. They are all - good, with _The Reader's Opinion_ being the most interesting. Ye - Ed's ruminations come in for a close second. Do not change the - departments in any way, although the quiz and the _Strange - Phenomena_ feature could be discontinued, without any great loss. - - Before I close, I wish to make a revelation which will rock the - world. Yes, Ed, I have a secret weapon! Nothing can stand against - this terrible invention and, with it, I could even destroy Earth, - with Mars and Pluto thrown in for good measure. Beware, Ed, lest - you arouse my ire and cause me, in my wrath, to unleash this vast - force upon helpless, trusting mankind. - - Having read G. A. from cover to cover, I crawl back to my cage, - drooling with delight. Prying up a loose stone in the center of the - floor, I tenderly deposit the mag among the other issues of my - golden hoard. Replacing the stone, I sigh contentedly and - manipulate my lower lip with two fingers to indicate complete - satisfaction. See you next issue! - - Joe Carson - _The Super Intellect_ - -Joe carefully placed the letter in a previously addressed envelope, -mentally complimenting himself for authoring such a masterpiece. -Slapping a stamp on the back, he sealed the envelope and rushed forth -to post it at the nearest mail-box. - - * * * * * - -Harl and Kir-Um slowly materialized and glanced about to take stock of -their surroundings. They were on the roof of some tall building and -night pressed in all about them, relieved only by the intermittent -winking of a huge neon sign anchored on the roof. - -They had come from far off Mars to draw out and discover the weaknesses -of Earth--for the Great Invasion was not far in the offing and the -Grand Councilor had deemed it wise to know in advance where best to -strike and in what manner. - -Mars was in its final death throes and its inhabitants must soon -immigrate to a new world or perish. Their sister planet, Earth, was -best adapted to their particular form of life, thus it had been -selected for subjugation to their purpose. - -The atoms that were Harl and Kir-Um were hurled, in a state of -fluidity, through space, to be reassembled on Earth. For the purpose of -escaping detection, they had assumed the bodies of terrestrials and now -they stood, staring triumphantly out over this world that was soon to -be theirs. The conquering hordes would follow later in spaceships, as -soon as Harl and Kir-Um had gathered the necessary data. - -Harl spoke--mastering the strange vocal-cords with an ease that amazed -him. To be sure, he spoke an alien, unintelligible tongue. We translate: - -"Well, Kir-Um, what now? We have arrived at our destination, but I -haven't the slightest idea what to do next." - -Kir-Um pondered this a moment and eventually answered: "The situation -suggests we first descend to the surface of this world and, from there, -perhaps we can map a line of attack." - -"E-e-e-ump!" Harl made the noise, which, on Mars, denoted extreme -pleasure. "Excellent, Kir-Um. How can a decadent civilization, such as -this one undoubtedly is, stand against such brilliant minds as ours?" - -"You are right, as usual, Harl," Kir-Um agreed. "My analysis of the -problem was only typical of a Martian. Now, let us proceed to the base -of this crude structure." - -By diligent search, they finally located a stair leading downward and -cautiously made their way into the bowels of the building. - -Reaching the fifth floor, Kir-Um placed a restraining hand on Harl's -shoulder and pointed excitedly to a door at the far end of the hall. -Light streamed from beneath it and glowed faintly through the frosted -glass panel set in its upper half. - -Scarcely daring to breathe, they approached the door and stood, -regarding it with apprehensive eyes. Harl noted the gold-leaf lettering -on the glass panel, but the cryptic legend had no meaning to his -Martian mind. But, to an Earthly member of that rabid army known as -scientification fans, the words would have brought a tinge of awe. For -this was the room where far-flung systems were denied existence, by one -shake of a firm, unyielding head; where the most expressive cuss-words -of super villains were brutally censored with a fiendish swipe of a -little, blue pencil--the editorial office of _Galactic Adventures_. - -"Harl," Kir-Um whispered softly. "There's a _creature_ in that room! Do -you not detect its thought vibrations?" - -Harl opened his mind to reception and stood a moment, as if in a -trance. His eyes slowly dilated and he gasped in astonishment. - -"Yes, Kir-Um, there is a creature in there. A strange, horrible -_creature_, possessed of mad, meaningless thoughts. I--I wonder what -_it_ looks like?" - - * * * * * - -Kir-Um pointed to a small, oddly-shaped aperture, which undoubtedly was -some sort of device for locking the door. Hesitantly he stepped forward -and placed his eye to the hole. - -Inside the room, Newt Jorgsen, the building's janitor, was hugely -enjoying the contents of a letter he had retrieved from the -wastebasket. Tears streamed from his blurry eyes and his bent, bony -shoulders shook with spasms of laughter. His gunboat feet were planted -firmly on the editor's desk and a tall bottle of beer, smuggled in -by devious means and of which Newt was inordinately fond, sat on the -floor at his side. The letter was from one Joe Carson and the mirth -it provoked almost caused Newt to spill from his precarious perch -and brought numerous, gleeful shouts of, "Oh, Yimminy!" from his -foam-flecked lips. - -Kir-Um stared in amazement at this tableau and uttered a quick, -staccato, "Ickly-unc!" Luckily, Newt did not hear the Martian's -expression of surprise, but continued his perusal of the letter. - -Kir-Um drew back and silently motioned Harl to look. Harl sucked in his -breath, but dutifully bent forward to the door. Newt had just placed -the bottle to his lips and Harl gasped with horror as he half-emptied -it, with one, tremendous gulp. On Mars, such wanton waste of moisture -would be punished with swift death, without benefit of trial. But this -wasn't Mars: this was Earth, the planet of abundance. - -Kir-Um plucked at Harl's sleeve. "Why do we cringe at the sight of this -_creature_, Harl?" he whispered. "After all, _it_ is no more repulsive -than are these wretched bodies we have nobly assumed, for the glory -of our race. We are great, Harl. Unselfishly, we have foregone the -pleasures and conveniences of our magnificent physiques, so that our -civilization might once again take its rightful place in the destiny of -our System." - -Harl's mind wistfully conjured a picture of his own, splendid body, -with its bulbous head, sleek, furry torso and many sensitive tentacles, -and he sighed heavily. "Yes, we are truly martyrs. My only regret is, I -have but nine tentacles to give for my species." - -The two ceased their council of self-glorification and stood -"listening" to the thoughts of the Being inside. Their first impression -was that the Earthman was insane, so the mad cogitations of his mind -would indicate. Such random notions as: "Corner drugstore ... BEM ... -Amphibious Android ... Trimmed edges ..." had no significance to them. -But, quite suddenly, they picked up a thought that electrified their -very beings and caused a quick glance of fear to pass between them. -At the same time, it was a glance of elation, for here they had found -what was probably Earth's most invulnerable armament. Intently, they -concentrated on the astonishing thought unraveling in the creature's -brain. - -Newt had reached the next to the last paragraph of Joe Carson's letter -and he was now reading it, with great enthusiasm. The hearty chuckles -it gave Newt were lost on the Martians, for they did not know the -meaning of humor. They understood only that here was the greatest force -against which they would have to contend; the biggest obstacle in the -path of the coming invasion; a barrier that would have to be battered -down and made impotent. - -"This is incredible, Harl," Kir-Um whispered in awe. "Imagine it--a -weapon powerful enough to destroy all Earth! With such a thing, they -could completely annihilate our invading forces." - -"It causes me no little alarm," Harl agreed. "I can't conceive -of such a fantastic weapon, but perhaps these Earthlings possess -more intelligence than we give them credit for. Perhaps they have -anticipated our invasion and have prepared for it." - -"Harl," Kir-Um said with great solemnity, "I believe we are standing -in a citadel of science. A place where great, new theories and devices -are propounded and deliberated. And that _creature_ in there is the -guiding hand of this stronghold of knowledge. The letter he is reading -was undoubtedly written by the highest intellect of this world. As you -say, this genius may have foreseen our coming and moved to nullify -it. Spurred on by desperation, he created this marvelous weapon and -thought to surprise our onrushing, confident armies with an impregnable -defense. Quite by chance, we have stumbled upon this dastardly plot, -before it could be brought to bear." - -"But what can we do?" Harl despaired. "The letter does not reveal the -nature of this weapon. How can we combat something of which we know -absolutely nothing? I am of the opinion we should abandon our conquest -and die a slow, peaceful death on our own aging world." - -Kir-Um deliberated this advice, the deciding factor being a vision of -the Grand Councilor rising up in all his wrath and condemning the two -who had brought the bad news. - -"No, Harl. The Grand Councilor might not approve of such a course. -To suggest such a thing would be to admit we have failed, and -the Councilor does not tolerate failure. Without thought of the -consequences, he might order us executed and deprive our planet of two -of its greatest minds. No, that won't do." - -"We have no alternative," Harl pointed out, still whispering. "We -cannot stand against such a weapon, and better to sacrifice ourselves -than have our entire space fleet meet with destruction. If only our -armies could come through the Ato-Decomposera Twunend-Materializationa -Tutherend, perhaps we could surprise these scheming Earthlings and -overwhelm them, before they could bring this tremendous force into -play. But, unfortunately, we don't have the metal to build enough of -the machines." - -Kir-Um nodded thoughtfully. "No, we can't stand against this weapon. -But we can gain possession of it and put it to our own use!" - -Harl stared uncomprehendingly at Kir-Um. "You mean, ferret out this -genius and force him to divulge the plans of his invention?" - -There was a gleam in Kir-Um's eye now. "Not only that, we'll secure a -working model and take it with us, to study and build from. No doubt -the weapon is complicated and, in this manner, we can gain first-hand -knowledge of its working." - -"E-e-e-ump," Harl murmured softly. "Good, good, Kir-Um. It amazes me -that I didn't think of the very same thing. But, of course, you're one -hundred and thirty nine years older than I and, naturally, your mind is -more alert." - -"Naturally," Kir-Um nodded. "But to get back to more vital matters.... -We shall go to this Joe Carson, who, according to the thoughts of that -_creature_ inside, resides in a place called Majestic, Maine. I also -receive the impression this town is three hundred miles north of here, -in a straight line. The problem of transportation is easily solved; we -will purloin some sort of vehicle for the purpose. Once there, we shall -question this intellect, under influence of a hypnotic sleep, and lay -bare his secret. The plan will move forward of its own momentum then. -Let us go." - -The two alien beings from a far world eventually gained the ground -floor and, easily forcing the, to them, crude lock, made their way out -into the night. - -For a long moment, they stood, looking up at the black, impassive -sky. Something within their hearts called out to the mocking void for -reassurance; pleading for a tiny shred of encouragement. But no answer -came from the hollow emptiness that surrounded them. - -Then, placing a thumb and finger to their nostrils, in the ageless -Martian gesture signifying complete unity of purpose, Harl and Kir-Um -strode forth to meet the destiny that awaited them. - - * * * * * - -Joe Carson glanced back uneasily at the two disheveled, unkempt -figures pedaling along wearily behind him. He was returning home -from the nearest drugstore, having purchased there all the latest -science-fiction magazines he could lay his hands on. The mysterious -strangers had appeared suddenly from a side-street, four blocks back, -and had clung doggedly to his trail, from that point on. Joe didn't -know what they were up to, but he was keeping a wary eye on them. - -Harl and Kir-Um had performed a somewhat remarkable feat in driving -two stolen bicycles across three hundred odd miles of steaming, -strength-sapping, concrete highways and bumpy, bone-dry country lanes, -that weren't much more than wagon-ruts through the woods. They had made -many false starts and had fallen prey to numerous mishaps, such as -punctures and broken spokes. They had subsisted on berries, small game -and whatever food they could glean from a farmer's field. Since they -had not yet mastered the tongue of these Earth people, they couldn't -ask for food at the small road-stands that dotted the way. Nor could -they ask directions to their destination. But, by dint of stubborn -adherence to their purpose, they had, at last, arrived at the little, -prosaic town of Majestic. Covered with dust from head to foot and -ready to topple, from sheer exhaustion, they made their way through -the streets, feeling a dull conviction of defeat growing within them. -For they were unable to read the names of the streets or the numbers -of the houses lined tidily along each side, like proud soldiers. -It was night again and the uncompromising gloom only added to their -despair. The glaring street-lamps winked gleefully at their plight and -cast strange shadows to confuse their tired minds. The plain natives -who passed them paid no attention to the Martians. Being of a farming -community, they were used to seeing men encrusted with dirt and grime, -going home to a hard-earned night's rest. - -Harl and Kir-Um were about ready to concede failure, when they had -turned from a side-street into the main thoroughfare. There, a thought -impinged upon their ever-receptive minds that lent new zest to their -sinking spirits. The reflection they received was: - -"Boy! You're a lucky stiff, Joe Carson. You'll sure have some good -reading tonight!" - -Joe Carson! The name struck a vibrant chord in their brains and sent a -feeling of elation surging through their bodies. Here was the object of -their quest. The person whom they had travelled across scores of miles -of terrifying, unfamiliar terrain to find. - -Immediately they took up a close orbit in his wake, determined not to -lose this brilliant inventor of strange weapons in the darkness of the -night. - -Joe was at once aware of his shadows, but he thought perhaps they -merely happened to be going his way. As block followed block, however, -with no let-up of the pursuit, he began to suspicion a dire purpose -behind their actions. - -Harl and Kir-Um were slowly overtaking the object of their chase, -making no attempt to conceal themselves. Squeezing out every last bit -of energy, they matched pace with Joe, as he speeded up his pedaling in -an effort to pull away. - -Joe was beginning to get a little bit scared. What could he have that -the strangers would want? Certainly not his bike, for it was worth -only a few dollars and had just about seen the end of its years of -usefulness. He laughed mentally at the fantastic thought that maybe -they were after his science-fiction magazines. Then, what? - -They were approaching Joe's house now and his fear mounted steadily. -His parents were gone, away at some social function, and they wouldn't -return for three or four hours yet. There was nothing else to do, and -so Joe, philosophically deciding to let fate take its course leaped -from his bike and made a sudden dash for the shelter of the house. - - * * * * * - -Instantly they were after him, pounding across the dew-laden sod with -all the agility and grace of a couple of rampaging hippopotamuses. Joe -bounded through the front door and swung to snap the night-lock. At -that moment, something grasped his mind in a firm, unrelenting grip. He -no longer had any desire to resist the intruders and stood waiting for -them to enter and make him prisoner. Quickly Harl and Kir-Um forced him -into a chair and stared down at their victim with triumphant eyes. - -"So," Harl panted. "At last we shall learn the secret of Joe Carson, -Earth's most amazing genius. Kir-Um, he is but a youth. I shudder at -the thought of one so young possessing so much knowledge. Could it be -that we have made a mistake?" - -Kir-Um looked up at Harl reprovingly. "Do Martians ever err?" he -demanded. "No, this boy has a powerful, secret weapon and we must get -it from him, at all costs. I can't understand you, Harl. It would -seem as if you actually sympathize with these puny Earth people. The -Councilor wouldn't like to hear that, Harl. I would hate to see my best -friend put to death because he was too friendly with the enemy." - -"I'm not friendly with these Earthlings, Kir-Um," Harl hastily -objected. "I merely think we should be cautious and not proceed at too -fast a pace but what we shall be lured into some sort of death trap." - -"Well and good," Kir-Um nodded. "I believe we both realize our task -calls for vigilance and a meticulous sifting of fact from fancy. That -much goes unsaid. Conceding this genius is merely a boy, perhaps he is -a child prodigy or, then again, he may have invented this weapon by -accident. That is of little import, however. He has the weapon, we want -it and we shall have it." - -Harl bowed humbly. "You are right again, Kir-Um. Your deductive powers -constantly amaze me. Shall we begin the questioning?" - -Kir-Um wasted no time in preliminaries, but came right to the point. - -"Where is your secret weapon, boy?" he snapped. He spoke in his native -Martian tongue, but the thought behind the words was quite clear in Joe -Carson's receptive mind. Joe fumbled for words and finally answered: - -"Weapon? What weapon? The only kind of weapon I've got is my Daisy B-B -gun, and that's no secret. Mr. Jones, next door, found out about it -yesterday when I shot out his front room window. Boy, was he sore!" - -Kir-Um nodded knowingly at Harl and said, in an aside: "He's trying to -mislead us. But he won't succeed. The truth will out." - -Harl leaned forward to try his hand at the cross-examination. "You know -very well what weapon we mean, creature. You have kept your secret -well, but now you must relinquish it. Do not try to delude us with -fanciful stories and false denials." - -"Somebody's been feeding you a line, chum," Joe laughed. "Your -trolley's jumped the track. Go on back to your cage, pa, and dream up -another one. You bore me." - -The Martians realized the youth's mental barrier was going to be more -difficult to break through than they had anticipated. The situation -called for tact, yet the amount of time left to them necessitated a -direct attack. Kir-Um summoned all the powers of concentration at -his command and slowly, but surely, forced Joe's mind into a state -of passiveness. Satisfied, at last, the Earthling would give direct -replies to his questions, Kir-Um once more took over the interrogating -duties. - -"You cannot deceive us, boy," he began. "A few days ago, you wrote a -letter to Earth's great science center, _Galactic Ventures_, I believe -it is. In this letter, you stated you possessed a secret weapon, -powerful enough to destroy this whole planet. You did not divulge the -details of this invention, but promised dire happenings to anyone -unfortunate enough to have this weapon directed upon them. We want the -plans of this amazing contrivance and you will do well to place them in -our hands, without delay." - -"Oh, that," Joe's voice came dull and emotionless. "That's just a joke. -Just something I dreamed up to give the ed. a laugh." - -Harl and Kir-Um didn't know what a 'laugh' was, but they did know that -they were finally making some progress. A meaningful glance passed -between them and they silently congratulated themselves for uncovering -the genius' secret in such short order. - -"And these _Jokes_, creature," Harl spoke, "does anyone beside yourself -possess them?" - - * * * * * - -The Martians feared perhaps this strange scientist had already -distributed his weapon among his fellowmen, in preparation to resist -the coming attack. Joe's next revelation immediately justified their -fears and shocked them to the point of frustration. - -"Sure. All the stf. fans have their little jokes, and they never -miss a chance to use them on some dumb ninny. Once I saw the _Misled -Biped_ pull a joke on a guy and he nearly went into epileptic fits. Of -course, it was a low-grade joke, or it would have laid him out cold as -a mackeral. You better never meet up with a fan when he's in a joking -mood, 'cause they don't have a bit of mercy and he'd probably play you -till you busted wide open." - -The goggling intruders had visions of their marvelous bodies, bloated -till they were but horrible travesties of themselves, then to burst -apart like rotten bladders. Their eyes tried to pierce the forbidding -blackness of the suddenly-alive corners of the room and sandpaper -tongues darted nervously across dry lips. This bland-faced boy seated -in front of them was suddenly a repulsive gargoyle, squatting in his -evil throne and reveling in his fiendish power. - -Harl coughed and made a feeble effort to compose himself. He had been -right--this was too big for them to cope with. They may as well return -to Mars and forget their dream of conquest. The Grand Councilor was a -fool for ever sending them on such a foolhardy expedition and he and -Kir-Um were still bigger fools for accepting the task. Yet, how could -they have known they would have to face a smoothly-geared organization -consisting of bloodthirsty monsters and power-mad geniuses who dreamed -up fantastic weapons just as an idle pastime? It was a plain case of -underestimation of the foe, a miserable, stupid failure. - -"Don't give up so easily, Harl," Kir-Um had intercepted Harl's -unguarded thoughts and, realizing utter despair was rapidly pulling -them down to the point of bolting for the door and making a frantic -exit from this mad world, grimly purchased a new hold on his waning -optimism. - -"Don't forget," he added, carefully shielding his thoughts from the -ugly Earth-creature, "once this force is in our hands, we will be -as powerful as they. More so, in fact, by virtue of our superior -intelligence and our ability to improve the _Jokes_ and make of them -weapons far surpassing the crude originals in performance. The mere -mention of a _Joke_ seems to cause a strange emotion in this youth; an -odd, violent vibrating of the entire body, accompanied by spasmodic -grunts and squeaks. Probably it is his passionate reaction to the -thought of the magnitude of his terrible deed. It is like nothing a -Martian has ever known. But it is proof this Earthling regards his own -creation with apprehensive fear and is reverently aware of its immense -potentialities. We must also realize only a portion of the population -of this world has _Jokes_ at their command, which will make our -invasion easier and our victory far more certain. True, many of us will -die, but, in the end, we will have Earth and all its wondrous resources -for our very own. Would you place your own personal valuation above the -continuation of our species, Harl? Do you respect the wishes of the -Councilor--Dibble-Ibble, bless him--or do you love your own precious -fur in preference to honor and glory? Reflect a moment, Harl, and I -know you'll see the wrongness of your decision." - -Harl's chin was already halfway down to his feet and his shamed -blushing indicated he had reconsidered and repented. He still had his -doubts, but they had been squelched to a bare fraction of their former -greatness by Kir-Um's defaming tirade. - -Kir-Um reminded Harl of their determination by pinching his nostrils -together and, assured of Harl's co-operation, resumed the questioning -of the youth. - -"Do you have a _Joke_ with you now, creature?" he asked curiously. - -"You bet," Joe replied. "I'm lousy with 'em. Wanta hear one? I got one -that'll simply kill you." - -The Martians recoiled in terror. - -"No," Kir-Um said sternly. "We do not wish to have the _Joke_ -demonstrated on us. The first suspicious move you make, Earthling, and -you are dead. You may exhibit the _Joke_ and operate it, if you wish, -but do not direct it at us, for your life." - -"Okay," Joe agreed amiably. "I'll just give you sort of a sample. Here -goes: Why did the moron plant dynamite in the dairy? He wanted to see a -boom in the ice cream industry!" - -Joe bent double, clasping his hands to his stomach and emitting loud -"Haws" and raucous "Hee hees." His head bobbed back and forth like an -apple in a tub and his feet played a staccato rhythm on the carpeted -floor. - - * * * * * - -Harl and Kir-Um looked on in confused wonder. They could see no reason -for the boy's sudden outburst. They looked in vain for the weapon Joe -had promised to display. Then the light dawned in Kir-Um's mind and he -let go with a tremendous: "E-e-e-ump!" - -"Harl!" he said excitedly. "Don't you see--it's the words! The words -are the weapon; his _Joke_, as he calls it. Imagine it--words built -into a complex pattern to form a destructive force! It is in an embryo -stage though, Harl. This creature barely averted disaster just now when -his _Joke_ back-fired on him. The pain must be excruciating, the way he -is retching and gasping for breath. We may consider ourselves lucky he -didn't aim the weapon at us. I shudder at the thought." - -Harl was shuddering, too. They were indeed fortunate they were not -the object of the force Joe had unleashed, or they would probably -now be nothing but lifeless hulks, rotting on the weird world that -had betrayed them. He could not understand how words could cause -such havoc, but undoubtedly they could, for wasn't the pitiful Thing -before them even now contorted with the paralyzing torture he had -accidentally inflicted upon himself? Harl knew he could never forget -the gruesome drama he was now witnessing. Why, even the creature they -had encountered at the citadel of science must have been a victim of a -_Joke_, for he had acted in the same strange manner. - -"That's the only possible explanation, Harl," Kir-Um was speaking -again. "This Earthling has discovered a way to assemble words in such a -formation as to cause a violent agitation in whatever they are directed -upon. I suspect, Harl, if this genius had received the full force of -that _Joke_, it would have shaken him apart, utterly and completely. In -other words, it would have decomposed his atoms and spread them from -here to Dibble-Ibble knows where. Now, we must learn how to form these -word patterns, thus to use them against our foe in the coming invasion. -Creature, have you a treatise on _Jokes_?" - -Joe ceased his giggling and thought a moment. Yes, he did have a -treatise on jokes and they would find it in his desk upstairs. Be -sure and not touch his perpetual-motion machine, though, for it was -delicately balanced. - -Kir-Um immediately dispatched Harl to procure the valuable document and -waited impatiently till his companion returned. He accepted the book -reverently and placed it safely in an inside pocket. - -"Good," he muttered. "Now, creature, you will forget all that took -place here." - -Joe nodded dully. "I understand. You guys are strictly from dreams. I -won't remember a thing about you when I come out of my coma." - - * * * * * - -The Martians walked to the door and turned to stare triumphantly at -their strange companion of the evening. There was a slight twinge -of pity in Harl's heart, as he thought of this boy as nothing but a -bunch of jumbled atoms flying helter-skelter through the universe, all -because he had made a _Joke_. - -"You will awaken an hour after we leave," Kir-Um directed. - -"Sixty minutes to the dot," Joe affirmed. - -Harl and Kir-Um stepped through the door and breathed deeply of the -night air. It all seemed like a nightmare now, but the significant -bulge in Kir-Um's coat pocket confirmed their brief interlude with the -amazing genius, Joe Carson. - -Kir-Um withdrew the book and painfully deciphered the title, by the -light streaming from a window. It read: _Joe Miller's Joke Book_. The -printer must have made a mistake, he reflected. It should read: _Joe -Carson's Joke Book_. But no matter. - -In the Martians' minds, a picture formed. It was a beautiful picture. -Hundreds of sleek, fast spaceships hurtled down on Earth, forming -almost a solid sky of steel above the hapless planet. They were strange -spaceships, for apparently they carried no armament. The metal that -would have been used to equip the ships with guns had, instead, gone -into the building of more dreadnaughts of space, for they possessed a -weapon far more destructive than any bolt from a ray-gun or blast of -a disintegrator-cannon. On the bridge of each ship stood a renowned -Martian scientist, a small book clutched tightly in his hand. And -on the flagship, the Grand Councilor himself occupied the place of -honor, the original copy of the weapon open on a stand before him. -As the huge armada entered Earth's atmosphere, gigantic amplifiers -blared forth messages of doom to the inhabitants. Words with horrible -meaning assailed the ears of the population: 'Why doesn't a chicken -cross the road? It doesn't want on the other side!' 'Who was that wife -I seen you with last night? That was no wife, that was a lady!' Human -creatures screamed in agony and fell in the streets. Ghastly moans of -'Ha haw oh hee!' escaped from clenched teeth and bodies retched with -the unbearable pain of their torture. Slowly their bodies decomposed, -losing a couple of billion atoms with each convulsion. Soon, not a -human remained on Earth and this beautiful world and all its riches -passed into the hands of the proven superior species--the Martians. Ah! -It was a lovely dream. But soon it would be more than a dream--it would -be happy reality. Harl and Kir-Um both sighed together. - -[Illustration: _Spacers would hover, their mighty weapons blaring forth._] - -They pressed buttons concealed under their coats and slowly began to -fade, their outlines becoming indistinct and hazy. Kir-Um raised a hand -to his head in salute. - -"Poor, foolish Earthlings," he murmured, "this is the end. Always -remember, if it had not been for Joe Carson's _Joke_, you would never -have found your demise. I salute you, strange creatures." - -And they were gone. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Joe Carson's Weapon, by James R. 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