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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..84e0fa6 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #62324 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/62324) diff --git a/old/62324-h.zip b/old/62324-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 873ff4a..0000000 --- a/old/62324-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/62324-h/62324-h.htm b/old/62324-h/62324-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 822d0d1..0000000 --- a/old/62324-h/62324-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1372 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Grifters' Asteroid, by H. 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Gold. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -.caption p -{ - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0; - margin: 0.25em 0; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Grifters' Asteroid, by H. L. Gold - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll -have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using -this ebook. - - - -Title: Grifters' Asteroid - -Author: H. L. Gold - -Release Date: June 4, 2020 [EBook #62324] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GRIFTERS' ASTEROID *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="349" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>GRIFTERS' ASTEROID</h1> - -<h2>By H. L. GOLD</h2> - -<p>Harvey and Joe were the slickest con-men ever<br /> -to gyp a space-lane sucker. Or so they thought!<br /> -Angus Johnson knew differently. He charged them<br /> -five buckos for a glass of water—and got it!</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Planet Stories May 1943.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Characteristically, Harvey Ellsworth tried to maintain his dignity, -though his parched tongue was almost hanging out. But Joe Mallon, with -no dignity to maintain, lurched across the rubbish-strewn patch of land -that had been termed a spaceport. When Harvey staggered pontifically -into the battered metalloy saloon—the only one on Planetoid 42—his -tall, gangling partner was already stumbling out, mouthing something -incoherent. They met in the doorway, violently.</p> - -<p>"We're delirious!" Joe cried. "It's a mirage!"</p> - -<p>"What is?" asked Harvey through a mouthful of cotton.</p> - -<p>Joe reeled aside, and Harvey saw what had upset his partner. He stared, -speechless for once.</p> - -<p>In their hectic voyages from planet to planet, the pair of panacea -purveyors had encountered the usual strange life-forms. But never had -they seen anything like the amazing creature in that colonial saloon.</p> - -<p>Paying no attention to them, it was carrying a case of liquor in two -hands, six siphons in two others, and a broom and dustpan in the -remaining pair. The bartender, a big man resembling the plumpish -Harvey in build, was leaning negligently on the counter, ordering this -impossible being to fill the partly-emptied bottles, squeeze fruit -juice and sweep the floor, all of which the native did simultaneously.</p> - -<p>"Nonsense," Harvey croaked uncertainly. "We have seen enough queer -things to know there are always more."</p> - -<p>He led the way inside. Through thirst-cracked lips he rasped: -"Water—quick!"</p> - -<p>Without a word, the bartender reached under the counter, brought out -two glasses of water. The interplanetary con-men drank noisily, asked -for more, until they had drunk eight glasses. Meanwhile, the bartender -had taken out eight jiggers and filled them with whiskey.</p> - -<p>Harvey and Joe were breathing hard from having gulped the water so -fast, but they were beginning to revive. They noticed the bartender's -impersonal eyes studying them shrewdly.</p> - -<p>"Strangers, eh?" he asked at last.</p> - -<p>"Solar salesmen, my colonial friend," Harvey answered in his usual -lush manner. "We purvey that renowned Martian remedy, <i>La-anago -Yergis</i>, the formula for which was recently discovered by ourselves in -the ancient ruined city of La-anago. Medical science is unanimous in -proclaiming this magic medicine the sole panacea in the entire history -of therapeutics."</p> - -<p>"Yeah?" said the bartender disinterestedly, polishing the chaser -glasses without washing them. "Where you heading?"</p> - -<p>"Out of Mars for Ganymede. Our condenser broke down, and we've gone -without water for five ghastly days."</p> - -<p>"Got a mechanic around this dumping ground you call a port?" Joe asked.</p> - -<p>"We did. He came near starving and moved on to Titan. Ships don't land -here unless they're in trouble."</p> - -<p>"Then where's the water lead-in? We'll fill up and push off."</p> - -<p>"Mayor takes care of that," replied the saloon owner. "If you gents're -finished at the bar, your drinks'll be forty buckos."</p> - -<p>Harvey grinned puzzledly. "We didn't take any whiskey."</p> - -<p>"Might as well. Water's five buckos a glass. Liquor's free with every -chaser."</p> - -<p>Harvey's eyes bulged. Joe gulped. "That—that's robbery!" the lanky man -managed to get out in a thin quaver.</p> - -<p>The barkeeper shrugged. "When there ain't many customers, you gotta -make more on each one. Besides—"</p> - -<p>"Besides nothing!" Joe roared, finding his voice again. "You dirty -crook—robbing poor spacemen! You—"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" width="389" height="500" alt=""/> - <div class="caption"> - <p><i>"You dirty crook!" Joe roared. "Robbing honest spacemen!"</i></p> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Harvey nudged him warningly. "Easy, my boy, easy." He turned to the -bartender apologetically. "Don't mind my friend. His adrenal glands are -sometimes overactive. You were going to say—?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The round face of the barkeeper had assumed an aggrieved expression.</p> - -<p>"Folks are always thinkin' the other feller's out to do 'em," he said, -shaking his head. "Lemme explain about the water here. It's bitter -as some kinds of sin before it's purified. Have to bring it in with -buckets and make it sweet. That takes time and labor. Waddya think—I -was chargin' feller critters for water just out of devilment? I charge -because I gotta."</p> - -<p>"Friend," said Harvey, taking out a wallet and counting off eight -five-bucko bills, "here is your money. What's fair is fair, and you -have put a different complexion on what seemed at first to be an -unconscionable interjection of a middleman between Nature and man's -thirst."</p> - -<p>The saloon man removed his dirty apron and came around the bar.</p> - -<p>"If that's an apology, I accept it. Now the mayor'll discuss filling -your tanks. That's me. I'm also justice of the peace, official -recorder, fire chief...."</p> - -<p>"And chief of police, no doubt," said Harvey jocosely.</p> - -<p>"Nope. That's my son, Jed. Angus Johnson's my name. Folks here just -call me Chief. I run this town, and run it right. How much water will -you need?"</p> - -<p>Joe estimated quickly. "About seventy-five liters, if we go on half -rations," he answered. He waited apprehensively.</p> - -<p>"Let's say ten buckos a liter," the mayor said. "On account of the -quantity, I'm able to quote a bargain price. Shucks, boys, it hurts me -more to charge for water than it does for you to pay. I just got to, -that's all."</p> - -<p>The mayor gestured to the native, who shuffled out to the tanks with -them. The planetoid man worked the pump while the mayor intently -watched the crude level-gauge, crying "Stop!" when it registered the -proper amount. Then Johnson rubbed his thumb on his index finger and -wetted his lips expectantly.</p> - -<p>Harvey bravely counted off the bills. He asked: "But what are we to -do about replenishing our battery fluid? Ten buckos a liter would be -preposterous. We simply can't afford it."</p> - -<p>Johnson's response almost floored them. "Who said anything about -charging you for battery water? You can have all you want for nothing. -It's just the purified stuff that comes so high."</p> - -<p>After giving them directions that would take them to the free-water -pool, the ponderous factotum of Planetoid 42 shook hands and headed -back to the saloon. His six-armed assistant followed him inside.</p> - -<p>"Now do you see, my hot-tempered colleague?" said Harvey as he and Joe -picked up buckets that hung on the tank. "Johnson, as I saw instantly, -is the victim of a difficult environment, and must charge accordingly."</p> - -<p>"Just the same," Joe griped, "paying for water isn't something you can -get used to in ten minutes."</p> - -<p>In the fragile forest, they soon came across a stream that sprang from -the igneous soil and splashed into the small pond whose contents, -according to the mayor, was theirs for the asking. They filled their -buckets and hauled them to the ship, then returned for more.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was on the sixth trip that Joe caught a glimpse of Jupiter-shine on -a bright surface off to the left. The figure, 750, with the bucko sign -in front of it, was still doing acrobatics inside his skull and keeping -a faint suspicion alive in him. So he called Harvey and they went to -investigate.</p> - -<p>Among the skimpy ground-crawling vines, they saw a long slender mound -that was unmistakably a buried pipe.</p> - -<p>"What's this doing here?" Harvey asked, puzzled. "I thought Johnson had -to transport water in pails."</p> - -<p>"Wonder where it leads to," Joe said uneasily.</p> - -<p>"It leads <i>to</i> the saloon," said Harvey, his eyes rapidly tracing the -pipe back toward the spaceport. "What I am concerned with is where it -leads <i>from</i>."</p> - -<p>Five minutes later, panting heavily from the unaccustomed exertion of -scrambling through the tangle of planetorial undergrowth, they burst -into the open—before a clear, sparkling pool.</p> - -<p>Mutely, Harvey pointed out a pipe-end jutting under the water.</p> - -<p>"I am growing suspicious," he said in a rigidly controlled voice.</p> - -<p>But Joe was already on his knees, scooping up a handful of water and -tasting it.</p> - -<p>"Sweet!" he snarled.</p> - -<p>They rushed back to the first pool, where Joe again tasted a sample. -His mouth went wry. "Bitter! He uses only one pool, the sweet one! The -only thing that needs purifying around here is that blasted mayor's -conscience."</p> - -<p>"The asteroidal Poobah has tricked us with a slick come-on," said -Harvey slowly. His eyes grew cold. "Joseph, the good-natured artist in -me has become a hard and merciless avenger. I shall not rest until we -have had the best of this colonial con-man! Watch your cues from this -point hence."</p> - -<p>Fists clenched, the two returned to the saloon. But at the door they -stopped and their fists unclenched.</p> - -<p>"Thought you gents were leaving," the mayor called out, seeing them -frozen in the doorway. "Glad you didn't. Now you can meet my son, Jed. -Him and me are the whole Earthman population of Johnson City."</p> - -<p>"You don't need any more," said Harvey, dismayed.</p> - -<p>Johnson's eight-foot son, topped by a massive roof of sun-bleached hair -and held up by a foundation that seemed immovable, had obviously been -born and raised in low gravity. For any decent-sized world would have -kept him down near the general dimensions of a man.</p> - -<p>He held out an acre of palm. Harvey studied it worriedly, put his own -hand somewhere on it, swallowed as it closed, then breathed again when -his fingers were released in five units instead of a single compressed -one.</p> - -<p>"Pleased to meet you," piped a voice that had never known a dense -atmosphere.</p> - -<p>The pursuit of vengeance, Harvey realized, had taken a quick and -unpleasant turn. Something shrewd was called for....</p> - -<p>"Joseph!" he exclaimed, looking at his partner in alarm. "Don't you -feel well?"</p> - -<p>Even before the others could turn to him, Joe's practiced eyes were -gently crossing. He sagged against the door frame, all his features -drooping like a bloodhound's.</p> - -<p>"Bring him in here!" Johnson cried. "I mean, get him away! He's coming -down with asteroid fever!"</p> - -<p>"Of course," replied Harvey calmly. "Any fool knows the first symptoms -of the disease that once scourged the universe."</p> - -<p>"What do you mean, <i>once</i>?" demanded Johnson. "I come down with it -every year, and I ain't hankering to have it in an off-season. Get him -out of here!"</p> - -<p>"In good time. He can't be moved immediately."</p> - -<p>"Then he'll be here for months!"</p> - -<p>Harvey helped Joe to the counter and lifted him up on it. The mayor and -his gigantic offspring were cowering across the room, trying to breathe -in tiny, uncontaminating gasps.</p> - -<p>"You'll find everything you want in the back room," Johnson said -frantically, "sulfopyridine, mustard plasters, rubs, inhalers, suction -cups—"</p> - -<p>"Relics of the past," Harvey stated. "One medication is all modern man -requires to combat the dread menace, asteroid fever."</p> - -<p>"What's that?" asked the mayor without conviction.</p> - -<p>Instead of replying, Harvey hurried outside to the ungainly second-hand -rocket ship in the center of the shabby spaceport. He returned within a -few minutes, carrying a bottle.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Joe was still stretched out on the bar, panting, his eyes slowly -crossing and uncrossing. Harvey lifted the patient's head tenderly, -put the bottle to his lips and tilted it until he was forced to drink. -When Joe tried to pull away, Harvey was inexorable. He made his partner -drink until most of the liquid was gone. Then he stepped back and -waited for the inevitable result.</p> - -<p>Joe's performance was better than ever. He lay supine for several -moments, his face twisted into an expression that seemed doomed -to perpetual wryness. Slowly, however, he sat up and his features -straightened out.</p> - -<p>"Are—are you all right?" asked the mayor anxiously.</p> - -<p>"Much better," said Joe in a weak voice.</p> - -<p>"Maybe you need another dose," Harvey suggested.</p> - -<p>Joe recoiled. "I'm fine now!" he cried, and sprang off the bar to prove -it.</p> - -<p>Astonished, Johnson and his son drew closer. They searched Joe's face, -and then the mayor timidly felt his pulse.</p> - -<p>"Well, I'll be hanged!" Johnson ejaculated.</p> - -<p>"<i>La-anago Yergis</i> never fails, my friend," Harvey explained. "By -actual test, it conquers asteroid fever in from four to twenty-three -minutes, depending on the severity of the attack. Luckily, we caught -this one before it grew formidable."</p> - -<p>The mayor's eyes became clouded mirrors of an inward conflict. "If you -don't charge too much," he said warily, "I might think of buying some."</p> - -<p>"We do not sell this unbelievable remedy," Harvey replied with dignity. -"It sells itself."</p> - -<p>"'Course, I'd expect a considerable reduction if I bought a whole -case," said Johnson.</p> - -<p>"That would be the smallest investment you could make, compared with -the vast loss of time and strength the fever involves."</p> - -<p>"How much?" asked the mayor unhappily.</p> - -<p>"For you, since you have taken us in so hospitably, a mere five hundred -buckos."</p> - -<p>Johnson did not actually stagger back, but he gave the impression of -doing so. "F-four hundred," he offered.</p> - -<p>"Not a red cent less than four seventy-five," Harvey said flatly.</p> - -<p>"Make it four fifty," quavered Johnson.</p> - -<p>"I dislike haggling," said Harvey.</p> - -<p>The final price, however, was four hundred and sixty-nine buckos and -fifty redsents. Magnanimously, Harvey added: "And we will include, -<i>gratis</i>, an elegant bottle-opener, a superb product of Mercurian -handicraftsmanship."</p> - -<p>Johnson stabbed out a warning finger. "No tricks now. I want a taste of -that stuff. You're not switching some worthless junk on me."</p> - -<p>Harvey took a glass from the bar and poured him a generous sample. The -mayor sniffed it, grimaced, then threw it down his gullet. The ensuing -minute saw a grim battle between a man and his stomach, a battle which -the man gradually won.</p> - -<p>"There ain't no words for that taste," he gulped when it was safe to -talk again.</p> - -<p>"Medicine," Harvey propounded, "should taste like medicine." To Joe he -said: "Come, my esteemed colleague. We must perform the sacred task to -which we have dedicated ourselves."</p> - -<p>With Joe stumbling along behind, he left the saloon, crossed the -clearing and entered the ship. As soon as they were inside, Joe dropped -his murderous silence and cried:</p> - -<p>"What kind of a dirty trick was that, giving me poison instead of that -snake oil?"</p> - -<p>"That was not poison," Harvey contradicted quietly. "It was <i>La-anago -Yergis</i> extract, plus."</p> - -<p>"Plus what—arsenic?"</p> - -<p>"Now, Joseph! Consider my quandary when I came back here to manufacture -our specific for all known ailments, with the intention of selling -yonder asteroidal tin-horn a bill of medical goods—an entire case, -mind you. Was I to mix the extract with the water for which we had been -swindled to the tune of ten buckos a liter? Where would our profit have -been, then? No; I had to use the bitter free water, of course."</p> - -<p>"But why use it on me?" Joe demanded furiously.</p> - -<p>Harvey looked reprovingly at his gangling partner. "Did Johnson ask to -taste it, or did he not? One must look ahead, Joseph. I had to produce -the same <i>medicine</i> that we will now manufacture. Thus, you were a -guinea pig for a splendid cause."</p> - -<p>"Okay, okay," Joe said. "But you shoulda charged him more."</p> - -<p>"Joseph, I promise you that we shall get back every redsent of which -that swindler cheated us, besides whatever other funds or valuables he -possesses. We could not be content with less."</p> - -<p>"Well, we're starting all right," admitted Joe. "How about that thing -with six arms? He looks like a valuable. Can't we grab him off?"</p> - -<p>Harvey stopped filling bottles and looked up pensively.</p> - -<p>"I have every hope of luring away the profitable monstrosity. -Apparently you have also surmised the fortune we could make with him. -At first I purpose to exhibit him on our interplanetary tours with our -streamlined panacea; he would be a spectacular attraction for bucolic -suckers. Later, a brief period of demonstrating his abilities on the -audio-visiphone. Then our triumph—we shall sell him at a stupendous -figure to the zoo!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Joe was still dazed by that monetary vista when he and Harvey carried -the case of medicine to the saloon. The mayor had already cleared a -place of honor in the cluttered back room, where he told them to put it -down carefully. Then he took the elaborate bottle-opener Harvey gave -him, reverently uncorked a bottle and sampled it. It must have been at -least as good as the first; he gagged.</p> - -<p>"That's the stuff, all right," he said, swallowing hard. He counted -out the money into Harvey's hand, at a moderate rate that precariously -balanced between his pleasure at getting the fever remedy and his pain -at paying for it. Then he glanced out to see the position of Jupiter, -and asked: "You gents eaten yet? The restaurant's open now."</p> - -<p>Harvey and Joe looked at each other. They hadn't been thinking about -food at all, but suddenly they realized that they were hungry.</p> - -<p>"It's only water we were short of," Harvey said apprehensively. "We've -got rations back at the ship."</p> - -<p>"<i>H-mph!</i>" the mayor grunted. "Powdered concentrates. Compressed pap. -Suit yourselves. We treat our stomachs better here. And you're welcome -to our hospitality."</p> - -<p>"Your hospitality," said Harvey, "depends on the prices you charge."</p> - -<p>"Well, if that's what's worrying you, you can stop worrying," answered -the mayor promptly. "What's more, the kind of dinner I serve here you -can't get anywhere else for any price."</p> - -<p>Swiftly, Harvey conned the possibilities of being bilked again. He saw -none.</p> - -<p>"Let's take a look at the menu, anyhow, Joe," he said guardedly.</p> - -<p>Johnson immediately fell into the role of "mine host."</p> - -<p>"Come right in, gents," he invited. "Right into the dining room."</p> - -<p>He seated them at a table, which a rope tied between posts made more or -less private, though nobody else was in the saloon and there was little -chance of company.</p> - -<p>Genius, the six-armed native, appeared from the dingy kitchen with -two menus in one hand, two glasses of water in another, plus napkins, -silverware, a pitcher, plates, saucers, cups, and their cocktails, -which were on the house. Then he stood by for orders.</p> - -<p>Harvey and Joe studied the menu critically. The prices were -phenomenally low. When they glanced up at Johnson in perplexity, he -grinned, bowed and asked: "Everything satisfactory, gents?"</p> - -<p>"Quite," said Harvey. "We shall order."</p> - -<p>For an hour they were served amazing dishes, both fresh and canned, the -culinary wealth of this planetoid and all the system. And the service -was as extraordinary as the meal itself. With four hands, Genius played -deftly upon a pair of mellow Venusian <i>viotars</i>, using his other two -hands for waiting on the table.</p> - -<p>"We absolutely must purchase this incredible specimen," Harvey -whispered excitedly when Johnson and the native were both in the -kitchen, attending to the next course. "He would make any society -hostess's season a riotous success, which should be worth a great sum -to women like Mrs. van Schuyler-Morgan, merely for his hire."</p> - -<p>"Think of a fast one fast," Joe agreed. "You're right."</p> - -<p>"But I dislike having to revise my opinion of a man so often," -complained Harvey. "I wish Johnson would stay either swindler or honest -merchant. This dinner is worth as least twenty buckos, yet I estimate -our check at a mere bucko twenty redsents."</p> - -<p>The mayor's appearance prevented them from continuing the discussion.</p> - -<p>"It's been a great honor, gents," he said. "Ain't often I have -visitors, and I like the best, like you two gents."</p> - -<p>As if on cue, Genius came out and put the check down between Joe and -Harvey. Harvey picked it up negligently, but his casual air vanished in -a yelp of horror.</p> - -<p>"What the devil is this?" he shouted.—"How do you arrive at this -fantastic, idiotic figure—<i>three hundred and twenty-eight buckos</i>!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Johnson didn't answer. Neither did Genius; he simply put on the table, -not a fingerbowl, but a magnifying glass. With one of his thirty -fingers he pointed politely to the bottom of the menu.</p> - -<p>Harvey focused on the microscopic print, and his face went pasty with -rage. The minute note read: "Services and entertainment, 327 buckos 80 -redsents."</p> - -<p>"You can go to hell!" Joe growled. "We won't pay it!"</p> - -<p>Johnson sighed ponderously. "I was afraid you'd act like that," he said -with regret. He pulled a tin badge out of his rear pocket, pinned it on -his vest, and twisted his holstered gun into view. "Afraid I'll have to -ask the sheriff to take over."</p> - -<p>Johnson, the "sheriff," collected the money, and Johnson, the -"restaurateur," pocketed it. Meanwhile, Harvey tipped Joe the sign to -remain calm.</p> - -<p>"My friend," he said to the mayor, and his tones took on a -schoolmasterish severity, "your long absence from Earth has perhaps -made you forget those elements of human wisdom that have entered the -folk-lore of your native planet. Such as, for example: 'It is folly -to kill a goose that lays golden eggs,' and 'Penny wise is pound -foolish.'"</p> - -<p>"I don't get the connection," objected Johnson.</p> - -<p>"Well, by obliging us to pay such a high price for your dinner, you put -out of your reach the chance of profiting from a really substantial -deal. My partner and I were prepared to make you a sizable offer for -the peculiar creature you call Genius. But by reducing our funds the -way you have—"</p> - -<p>"Who said I wanted to sell him?" the mayor interrupted. He rubbed his -fingers together and asked disinterestedly: "What were you going to -offer, anyhow?"</p> - -<p>"It doesn't matter any longer," Harvey said with elaborate -carelessness. "Perhaps you wouldn't have accepted it, anyway."</p> - -<p>"That's right," Johnson came back emphatically. "But what would your -offer have been which I would have turned down?"</p> - -<p>"Which one? The one we were going to make, or the one we can make now?"</p> - -<p>"Either one. It don't make no difference. Genius is too valuable to -sell."</p> - -<p>"Oh, come now, Mr. Johnson. Don't tell me no amount of money would -tempt you!"</p> - -<p>"Nope. But how much did you say?"</p> - -<p>"Ah, then you will consider releasing Genius!"</p> - -<p>"Well, I'll tell you something," said the mayor confidentially. "When -you've got one thing, you've got one thing. But when you've got money, -it's the same as having a lot of things. Because, if you've got money, -you can buy this and that and this and that and—"</p> - -<p>"This and that," concluded Joe. "We'll give you five hundred buckos."</p> - -<p>"Now, gents!" Johnson remonstrated. "Why, six hundred would hardly—"</p> - -<p>"You haven't left us much money," Harvey put in.</p> - -<p>The mayor frowned. "All right, we'll split the difference. Make it -five-fifty."</p> - -<p>Harvey was quick to pay out, for this was a genuine windfall. Then he -stood up and admired the astonishing possession he had so inexpensively -acquired.</p> - -<p>"I really hate to deprive you of this unique creature," he said to -Johnson. "I should imagine you will be rather lonely, with only your -filial mammoth to keep you company."</p> - -<p>"I sure will," Johnson confessed glumly. "I got pretty attached to -Genius, and I'm going to miss him something awful."</p> - -<p>Harvey forcibly removed his eyes from the native, who was clearing off -the table almost all at once.</p> - -<p>"My friend," he said, "we take your only solace, it is true, but in his -place we can offer something no less amazing and instructive."</p> - -<p>The mayor's hand went protectively to his pocket. "What is it?" he -asked with the suspicion of a man who has seen human nature at its -worst and expects nothing better.</p> - -<p>"Joseph, get our most prized belonging from the communications room of -the ship," Harvey instructed. To Johnson he explained: "You must see -the wondrous instrument before its value can be appreciated. My partner -will soon have it here for your astonishment."</p> - -<p>Joe's face grew as glum as Johnson's had been. "Aw, Harv," he -protested, "do we have to sell it? And right when I thought we were -getting the key!"</p> - -<p>"We must not be selfish, my boy," Harvey said nobly. "We have had our -chance; now we must relinquish Fate to the hands of a man who might -have more success than we. Go, Joseph. Bring it here."</p> - -<p>Unwillingly, Joe turned and shuffled out.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On a larger and heavier world than Planetoid 42, Johnson's curiosity -would probably have had weight and mass. He was bursting with -questions, but he was obviously afraid they would cost him money. For -his part, Harvey allowed that curiosity to grow like a Venusian amoeba -until Joe came in, lugging a radio.</p> - -<p>"Is that what you were talking about?" the mayor snorted. "What makes -you think I want a radio? I came here to get away from singers and -political speech-makers."</p> - -<p>"Do not jump to hasty conclusions," Harvey cautioned. "Another word, -and I shall refuse you the greatest opportunity any man has ever had, -with the sole exceptions of Joseph, myself and the unfortunate inventor -of this absolutely awe-inspiring device."</p> - -<p>"I ain't in the market for a radio," Johnson said stubbornly.</p> - -<p>Harvey nodded in relief. "We have attempted to repay our host, Joseph. -He has spurned our generosity. We have now the chance to continue our -study, which I am positive will soon reward us with the key to an -enormous fortune."</p> - -<p>"Well, that's no plating off our bow," Joe grunted. "I'm glad he did -turn it down. I hated to give it up after working on it for three whole -years."</p> - -<p>He picked up the radio and began walking toward the door.</p> - -<p>"Now, hold on!" the mayor cried. "I ain't <i>saying</i> I'll buy, but what -is it I'm turning down?"</p> - -<p>Joe returned and set the instrument down on the bar. His face -sorrowful, Harvey fondly stroked the scarred plasticoid cabinet.</p> - -<p>"To make a long story, Mr. Johnson," he said, "Joseph and I were among -the chosen few who knew the famous Doctor Dean intimately. Just before -his tragic death, you will recall, Dean allegedly went insane." He -banged his fist on the bar. "I have said it before, and I repeat again, -that was a malicious lie, spread by the doctor's enemies to discredit -his greatest invention—this fourth dimensional radio!"</p> - -<p>"This what?" Johnson blurted out.</p> - -<p>"In simple terms," clarified Harvey, "the ingenious doctor discovered -that the yawning chasm between the dimensions could be bridged by -energy of all quanta. There has never been any question that the -inhabitants of the super-dimension would be far more civilized than -ourselves. Consequently, the man who could tap their knowledge would -find himself in possession of a powerful, undreamt-of science!"</p> - -<p>The mayor looked respectfully at the silent box on the bar.</p> - -<p>"And this thing gets broadcasts from the fourth dimension?"</p> - -<p>"It does, Mr. Johnson! Only charlatans like those who envied Doctor -Dean's magnificent accomplishments could deny that fact."</p> - -<p>The mayor put his hands in his pockets, unswiveled one hip and stared -thoughtfully at the battered cabinet.</p> - -<p>"Well, let's say it picks up fourth dimensional broadcasts," he -conceded. "But how could you understand what they're saying? Folks up -there wouldn't talk our language."</p> - -<p>Again Harvey smashed his fist down. "Do you dare to repeat the scurvy -lie that broke Dean's spirit and drove him to suicide?"</p> - -<p>Johnson recoiled. "No—no, <i>of course not</i>. I mean, being up here, I -naturally couldn't get all the details."</p> - -<p>"Naturally," Harvey agreed, mollified. "I'm sorry I lost my temper. -But it is a matter of record that the doctor proved the broadcasts -emanating from the super-dimension were in English! Why should that be -so difficult to believe? Is it impossible that at one time there was -communication between the dimensions, that the super-beings admired -our language and adopted it in all its beauty, adding to it their own -hyper-scientific trimmings?"</p> - -<p>"Why, I don't know," Johnson said in confusion.</p> - -<p>"For three years, Joseph and I lost sleep and hair, trying to detect -the simple key that would translate the somewhat metamorphosed -broadcasts into our primitive English. It eluded us. Even the doctor -failed. But that was understandable; a sensitive soul like his could -stand only so much. And the combination of ridicule and failure to -solve the mystery caused him to take his own life."</p> - -<p>Johnson winced. "Is that what you want to unload on me?"</p> - -<p>"For a very good reason, sir. Patience is the virtue that will be -rewarded with the key to these fourth dimensional broadcasts. A man who -could devote his life to improving this lonely worldlet is obviously a -person with unusual patience."</p> - -<p>"Yeah," the mayor said grudgingly, "I ain't exactly flighty."</p> - -<p>"Therefore, you are the man who could unravel the problem!"</p> - -<p>Johnson asked skeptically: "How about a sample first?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Harvey turned a knob on the face of the scarred radio. After several -squeals of spatial figures, a smooth voice began:</p> - -<p>"There are omnious pleajes of moby-hailegs in sonmirand which, -howgraismon, are notch to be donfured miss ellasellabell in either or -both hagasanipaj, by all means. This does not refly, on the brother -man, nat or mizzafil saces are denuded by this ossifaligo...."</p> - -<p>Harvey switched off the set determinedly.</p> - -<p>"Wait a minute!" Johnson begged. "I almost got it then!"</p> - -<p>"I dislike being commercial," said Harvey, "but this astounding device -still belongs to us. Would we not be foolish to let you discover the -clue before purchasing the right to do so?"</p> - -<p>The mayor nodded indecisively, looking at the radio with agonized -longing. "How much do you want?" he asked unhappily.</p> - -<p>"One thousand buckos, and no haggling. I am not in the mood."</p> - -<p>Johnson opened his mouth to argue; then, seeing Harvey's set features, -paid with the worst possible grace.</p> - -<p>"Don't you think we ought to tell him about the batteries, Harv?" Joe -asked.</p> - -<p>"What about the batteries?" demanded Johnson with deadly calm.</p> - -<p>"A very small matter," Harvey said airily. "You see, we have been -analyzing these broadcasts for three years. In that time, of course, -the batteries are bound to weaken. I estimate these should last not -less than one Terrestrial month, at the very least."</p> - -<p>"What do I do then?"</p> - -<p>Harvey shrugged. "Special batteries are required, which I see Joseph -has by chance brought along. For the batteries, the only ones of their -kind left in the system, I ask only what they cost—one hundred and -ninety-nine buckos, no more and, on the other hand, no less."</p> - -<p>Johnson was breathing hard, and his hand hovered dangerously near his -gun. But he paid the amount Harvey wanted.</p> - -<p>Moreover, he actually shook hands when the two panacea purveyors -collected their six-armed prize and said goodbye. Before they were -outside, however, he had turned on the radio and was listening tensely -to a woman's highly cultured, though rather angry voice, saying:</p> - -<p>"Oh, you hannaforge are all beasa-taga-sanimort. If you rue amount it, -how do you respench a pure woman to ansver go-samak—"</p> - -<p>"I'll get it!" they heard Johnson mutter.</p> - -<p>Then the sound of giant feet crossing the barroom floor reached their -ears, and a shrill question: "What's that, Papa?"</p> - -<p>"A fortune, Jed! Those fakers are damned fools, selling us a thing -like—"</p> - -<p>Joe gazed at Harvey admiringly. "Another one sold? Harv, that spiel -pulls them in like an ether storm!"</p> - -<p>Together with the remarkable planetoid man, they reached the ship. -Above them, dark, tumbling shapes blotted out the stars and silently -moved on. Joe opened the gangway door.</p> - -<p>"Come on in, pal," he said to Genius. "We're shoving off."</p> - -<p>The planetoid man grinned foolishly. "Can't go arong with you," he said -with an apologetic manner. "I rike to, but pressure fratten me out if I -go."</p> - -<p>"What in solar blazes are you talking about?" Harvey asked.</p> - -<p>"I grow up on pranetoid," Genius explained. "On big pranet, too much -pressure for me."</p> - -<p>The two salesmen looked narrowly at each other.</p> - -<p>"Did Johnson know that when he sold you?" Joe snarled.</p> - -<p>"Oh, sure." The silly grin became wider than ever. "Peopre from Earth -buy me rots of times. I never reave pranetoid, though."</p> - -<p>"Joseph," Harvey said ominously, "that slick colonist has put one over -upon us. What is our customary procedure in that event?"</p> - -<p>"We tear him apart," Joe replied between his teeth.</p> - -<p>"Not Mister Johnson," advised Genius. "Have gun and badge. He shoot you -first and then rock you up in prison."</p> - -<p>Harvey paused, his ominous air vanishing. "True. There is also the -fact, Joseph, that when he discovers the scrambled rectifier in -the radio we sold him, he will have been paid back in full for his -regrettable dishonesty."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Unwillingly, Joe agreed. While Genius retreated to a safe distance, -they entered the ship and blasted off. Within a few minutes the -automatic steering pilot had maneuvered them above the plane of the -asteroid belt.</p> - -<p>"I got kind of dizzy," Joe said, "there were so many deals back and -forth. How much did we make on the sucker?"</p> - -<p>"A goodly amount, I wager," Harvey responded. He took out a pencil and -paper. "Medicine, 469.50; radio, 1,000; batteries, 199. Total—let's -see—1668 buckos and 50 redsents. A goodly sum, as I told you."</p> - -<p>He emptied his pockets of money, spread it out on the astrogation table -and began counting. Finished, he looked up, troubled.</p> - -<p>"How much did we have when we landed, Joseph?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly 1668 buckos," Joe answered promptly.</p> - -<p>"I can't understand it," said Harvey. "Instead of double our capital, -we now have only 1668 buckos and 50 redsents!"</p> - -<p>Feverishly, he returned to his pencil and paper.</p> - -<p>"Drinking water, 790; battery water, free; meal, 328; planetoid man, -550. Total: 1668 buckos!" He stared at the figures. "We paid out almost -as much as we took in," he said bitterly. "Despite our intensive -efforts, we made the absurd sum of fifty redsents."</p> - -<p>"Why, the dirty crook!" Joe growled.</p> - -<p>But after a few moments of sad reflection, Harvey became philosophical. -"Perhaps, Joseph, we are more fortunate than we realize. We were, -after all, completely in Johnson's power. The more I ponder, the more -I believe we were lucky to escape. And, anyhow, we did make fifty -redsents on the swindler. A moral victory, my boy."</p> - -<p>Joe, who had been sunk desparingly into a chair, now stood up slowly -and asked: "Remember that bottle-opener we gave him?"</p> - -<p>"Certainly," Harvey explained. "What about it?"</p> - -<p>"How much did it cost us?"</p> - -<p>Harvey's eyebrows puckered. Suddenly he started laughing. "You're -right, Joseph. We paid forty-six redsents for it on Venus. So, after -all that transacting of business, we made four redsents!"</p> - -<p>"Four redsents, hell!" Joe snapped. "That was the sales tax!"</p> - -<p>He glared; then a smile lifted his mouth. "You remember those yokels on -Mars' Flatlands, and the way they worshipped gold?"</p> - -<p>"<i>Goldbricks!</i>" Harvey said succinctly.</p> - -<p>Grinning, Joe set the robot-controls for Mars.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Grifters' Asteroid, by H. L. 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Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - - -</pre> - -</body> -</html> diff --git a/old/62324-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/62324-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 48b237f..0000000 --- a/old/62324-h/images/cover.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/62324-h/images/illus.jpg b/old/62324-h/images/illus.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index be0321a..0000000 --- a/old/62324-h/images/illus.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/62324.txt b/old/62324.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 597f1c4..0000000 --- a/old/62324.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1259 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Grifters' Asteroid, by H. L. Gold - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll -have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using -this ebook. - - - -Title: Grifters' Asteroid - -Author: H. L. Gold - -Release Date: June 4, 2020 [EBook #62324] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GRIFTERS' ASTEROID *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - GRIFTERS' ASTEROID - - By H. L. GOLD - - Harvey and Joe were the slickest con-men ever - to gyp a space-lane sucker. Or so they thought! - Angus Johnson knew differently. He charged them - five buckos for a glass of water--and got it! - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Planet Stories May 1943. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -Characteristically, Harvey Ellsworth tried to maintain his dignity, -though his parched tongue was almost hanging out. But Joe Mallon, with -no dignity to maintain, lurched across the rubbish-strewn patch of land -that had been termed a spaceport. When Harvey staggered pontifically -into the battered metalloy saloon--the only one on Planetoid 42--his -tall, gangling partner was already stumbling out, mouthing something -incoherent. They met in the doorway, violently. - -"We're delirious!" Joe cried. "It's a mirage!" - -"What is?" asked Harvey through a mouthful of cotton. - -Joe reeled aside, and Harvey saw what had upset his partner. He stared, -speechless for once. - -In their hectic voyages from planet to planet, the pair of panacea -purveyors had encountered the usual strange life-forms. But never had -they seen anything like the amazing creature in that colonial saloon. - -Paying no attention to them, it was carrying a case of liquor in two -hands, six siphons in two others, and a broom and dustpan in the -remaining pair. The bartender, a big man resembling the plumpish -Harvey in build, was leaning negligently on the counter, ordering this -impossible being to fill the partly-emptied bottles, squeeze fruit -juice and sweep the floor, all of which the native did simultaneously. - -"Nonsense," Harvey croaked uncertainly. "We have seen enough queer -things to know there are always more." - -He led the way inside. Through thirst-cracked lips he rasped: -"Water--quick!" - -Without a word, the bartender reached under the counter, brought out -two glasses of water. The interplanetary con-men drank noisily, asked -for more, until they had drunk eight glasses. Meanwhile, the bartender -had taken out eight jiggers and filled them with whiskey. - -Harvey and Joe were breathing hard from having gulped the water so -fast, but they were beginning to revive. They noticed the bartender's -impersonal eyes studying them shrewdly. - -"Strangers, eh?" he asked at last. - -"Solar salesmen, my colonial friend," Harvey answered in his usual -lush manner. "We purvey that renowned Martian remedy, _La-anago -Yergis_, the formula for which was recently discovered by ourselves in -the ancient ruined city of La-anago. Medical science is unanimous in -proclaiming this magic medicine the sole panacea in the entire history -of therapeutics." - -"Yeah?" said the bartender disinterestedly, polishing the chaser -glasses without washing them. "Where you heading?" - -"Out of Mars for Ganymede. Our condenser broke down, and we've gone -without water for five ghastly days." - -"Got a mechanic around this dumping ground you call a port?" Joe asked. - -"We did. He came near starving and moved on to Titan. Ships don't land -here unless they're in trouble." - -"Then where's the water lead-in? We'll fill up and push off." - -"Mayor takes care of that," replied the saloon owner. "If you gents're -finished at the bar, your drinks'll be forty buckos." - -Harvey grinned puzzledly. "We didn't take any whiskey." - -"Might as well. Water's five buckos a glass. Liquor's free with every -chaser." - -Harvey's eyes bulged. Joe gulped. "That--that's robbery!" the lanky man -managed to get out in a thin quaver. - -The barkeeper shrugged. "When there ain't many customers, you gotta -make more on each one. Besides--" - -"Besides nothing!" Joe roared, finding his voice again. "You dirty -crook--robbing poor spacemen! You--" - -[Illustration: _"You dirty crook!" Joe roared. -"Robbing honest spacemen!"_] - -Harvey nudged him warningly. "Easy, my boy, easy." He turned to the -bartender apologetically. "Don't mind my friend. His adrenal glands are -sometimes overactive. You were going to say--?" - - * * * * * - -The round face of the barkeeper had assumed an aggrieved expression. - -"Folks are always thinkin' the other feller's out to do 'em," he said, -shaking his head. "Lemme explain about the water here. It's bitter -as some kinds of sin before it's purified. Have to bring it in with -buckets and make it sweet. That takes time and labor. Waddya think--I -was chargin' feller critters for water just out of devilment? I charge -because I gotta." - -"Friend," said Harvey, taking out a wallet and counting off eight -five-bucko bills, "here is your money. What's fair is fair, and you -have put a different complexion on what seemed at first to be an -unconscionable interjection of a middleman between Nature and man's -thirst." - -The saloon man removed his dirty apron and came around the bar. - -"If that's an apology, I accept it. Now the mayor'll discuss filling -your tanks. That's me. I'm also justice of the peace, official -recorder, fire chief...." - -"And chief of police, no doubt," said Harvey jocosely. - -"Nope. That's my son, Jed. Angus Johnson's my name. Folks here just -call me Chief. I run this town, and run it right. How much water will -you need?" - -Joe estimated quickly. "About seventy-five liters, if we go on half -rations," he answered. He waited apprehensively. - -"Let's say ten buckos a liter," the mayor said. "On account of the -quantity, I'm able to quote a bargain price. Shucks, boys, it hurts me -more to charge for water than it does for you to pay. I just got to, -that's all." - -The mayor gestured to the native, who shuffled out to the tanks with -them. The planetoid man worked the pump while the mayor intently -watched the crude level-gauge, crying "Stop!" when it registered the -proper amount. Then Johnson rubbed his thumb on his index finger and -wetted his lips expectantly. - -Harvey bravely counted off the bills. He asked: "But what are we to -do about replenishing our battery fluid? Ten buckos a liter would be -preposterous. We simply can't afford it." - -Johnson's response almost floored them. "Who said anything about -charging you for battery water? You can have all you want for nothing. -It's just the purified stuff that comes so high." - -After giving them directions that would take them to the free-water -pool, the ponderous factotum of Planetoid 42 shook hands and headed -back to the saloon. His six-armed assistant followed him inside. - -"Now do you see, my hot-tempered colleague?" said Harvey as he and Joe -picked up buckets that hung on the tank. "Johnson, as I saw instantly, -is the victim of a difficult environment, and must charge accordingly." - -"Just the same," Joe griped, "paying for water isn't something you can -get used to in ten minutes." - -In the fragile forest, they soon came across a stream that sprang from -the igneous soil and splashed into the small pond whose contents, -according to the mayor, was theirs for the asking. They filled their -buckets and hauled them to the ship, then returned for more. - - * * * * * - -It was on the sixth trip that Joe caught a glimpse of Jupiter-shine on -a bright surface off to the left. The figure, 750, with the bucko sign -in front of it, was still doing acrobatics inside his skull and keeping -a faint suspicion alive in him. So he called Harvey and they went to -investigate. - -Among the skimpy ground-crawling vines, they saw a long slender mound -that was unmistakably a buried pipe. - -"What's this doing here?" Harvey asked, puzzled. "I thought Johnson had -to transport water in pails." - -"Wonder where it leads to," Joe said uneasily. - -"It leads _to_ the saloon," said Harvey, his eyes rapidly tracing the -pipe back toward the spaceport. "What I am concerned with is where it -leads _from_." - -Five minutes later, panting heavily from the unaccustomed exertion of -scrambling through the tangle of planetorial undergrowth, they burst -into the open--before a clear, sparkling pool. - -Mutely, Harvey pointed out a pipe-end jutting under the water. - -"I am growing suspicious," he said in a rigidly controlled voice. - -But Joe was already on his knees, scooping up a handful of water and -tasting it. - -"Sweet!" he snarled. - -They rushed back to the first pool, where Joe again tasted a sample. -His mouth went wry. "Bitter! He uses only one pool, the sweet one! The -only thing that needs purifying around here is that blasted mayor's -conscience." - -"The asteroidal Poobah has tricked us with a slick come-on," said -Harvey slowly. His eyes grew cold. "Joseph, the good-natured artist in -me has become a hard and merciless avenger. I shall not rest until we -have had the best of this colonial con-man! Watch your cues from this -point hence." - -Fists clenched, the two returned to the saloon. But at the door they -stopped and their fists unclenched. - -"Thought you gents were leaving," the mayor called out, seeing them -frozen in the doorway. "Glad you didn't. Now you can meet my son, Jed. -Him and me are the whole Earthman population of Johnson City." - -"You don't need any more," said Harvey, dismayed. - -Johnson's eight-foot son, topped by a massive roof of sun-bleached hair -and held up by a foundation that seemed immovable, had obviously been -born and raised in low gravity. For any decent-sized world would have -kept him down near the general dimensions of a man. - -He held out an acre of palm. Harvey studied it worriedly, put his own -hand somewhere on it, swallowed as it closed, then breathed again when -his fingers were released in five units instead of a single compressed -one. - -"Pleased to meet you," piped a voice that had never known a dense -atmosphere. - -The pursuit of vengeance, Harvey realized, had taken a quick and -unpleasant turn. Something shrewd was called for.... - -"Joseph!" he exclaimed, looking at his partner in alarm. "Don't you -feel well?" - -Even before the others could turn to him, Joe's practiced eyes were -gently crossing. He sagged against the door frame, all his features -drooping like a bloodhound's. - -"Bring him in here!" Johnson cried. "I mean, get him away! He's coming -down with asteroid fever!" - -"Of course," replied Harvey calmly. "Any fool knows the first symptoms -of the disease that once scourged the universe." - -"What do you mean, _once_?" demanded Johnson. "I come down with it -every year, and I ain't hankering to have it in an off-season. Get him -out of here!" - -"In good time. He can't be moved immediately." - -"Then he'll be here for months!" - -Harvey helped Joe to the counter and lifted him up on it. The mayor and -his gigantic offspring were cowering across the room, trying to breathe -in tiny, uncontaminating gasps. - -"You'll find everything you want in the back room," Johnson said -frantically, "sulfopyridine, mustard plasters, rubs, inhalers, suction -cups--" - -"Relics of the past," Harvey stated. "One medication is all modern man -requires to combat the dread menace, asteroid fever." - -"What's that?" asked the mayor without conviction. - -Instead of replying, Harvey hurried outside to the ungainly second-hand -rocket ship in the center of the shabby spaceport. He returned within a -few minutes, carrying a bottle. - - * * * * * - -Joe was still stretched out on the bar, panting, his eyes slowly -crossing and uncrossing. Harvey lifted the patient's head tenderly, -put the bottle to his lips and tilted it until he was forced to drink. -When Joe tried to pull away, Harvey was inexorable. He made his partner -drink until most of the liquid was gone. Then he stepped back and -waited for the inevitable result. - -Joe's performance was better than ever. He lay supine for several -moments, his face twisted into an expression that seemed doomed -to perpetual wryness. Slowly, however, he sat up and his features -straightened out. - -"Are--are you all right?" asked the mayor anxiously. - -"Much better," said Joe in a weak voice. - -"Maybe you need another dose," Harvey suggested. - -Joe recoiled. "I'm fine now!" he cried, and sprang off the bar to prove -it. - -Astonished, Johnson and his son drew closer. They searched Joe's face, -and then the mayor timidly felt his pulse. - -"Well, I'll be hanged!" Johnson ejaculated. - -"_La-anago Yergis_ never fails, my friend," Harvey explained. "By -actual test, it conquers asteroid fever in from four to twenty-three -minutes, depending on the severity of the attack. Luckily, we caught -this one before it grew formidable." - -The mayor's eyes became clouded mirrors of an inward conflict. "If you -don't charge too much," he said warily, "I might think of buying some." - -"We do not sell this unbelievable remedy," Harvey replied with dignity. -"It sells itself." - -"'Course, I'd expect a considerable reduction if I bought a whole -case," said Johnson. - -"That would be the smallest investment you could make, compared with -the vast loss of time and strength the fever involves." - -"How much?" asked the mayor unhappily. - -"For you, since you have taken us in so hospitably, a mere five hundred -buckos." - -Johnson did not actually stagger back, but he gave the impression of -doing so. "F-four hundred," he offered. - -"Not a red cent less than four seventy-five," Harvey said flatly. - -"Make it four fifty," quavered Johnson. - -"I dislike haggling," said Harvey. - -The final price, however, was four hundred and sixty-nine buckos and -fifty redsents. Magnanimously, Harvey added: "And we will include, -_gratis_, an elegant bottle-opener, a superb product of Mercurian -handicraftsmanship." - -Johnson stabbed out a warning finger. "No tricks now. I want a taste of -that stuff. You're not switching some worthless junk on me." - -Harvey took a glass from the bar and poured him a generous sample. The -mayor sniffed it, grimaced, then threw it down his gullet. The ensuing -minute saw a grim battle between a man and his stomach, a battle which -the man gradually won. - -"There ain't no words for that taste," he gulped when it was safe to -talk again. - -"Medicine," Harvey propounded, "should taste like medicine." To Joe he -said: "Come, my esteemed colleague. We must perform the sacred task to -which we have dedicated ourselves." - -With Joe stumbling along behind, he left the saloon, crossed the -clearing and entered the ship. As soon as they were inside, Joe dropped -his murderous silence and cried: - -"What kind of a dirty trick was that, giving me poison instead of that -snake oil?" - -"That was not poison," Harvey contradicted quietly. "It was _La-anago -Yergis_ extract, plus." - -"Plus what--arsenic?" - -"Now, Joseph! Consider my quandary when I came back here to manufacture -our specific for all known ailments, with the intention of selling -yonder asteroidal tin-horn a bill of medical goods--an entire case, -mind you. Was I to mix the extract with the water for which we had been -swindled to the tune of ten buckos a liter? Where would our profit have -been, then? No; I had to use the bitter free water, of course." - -"But why use it on me?" Joe demanded furiously. - -Harvey looked reprovingly at his gangling partner. "Did Johnson ask to -taste it, or did he not? One must look ahead, Joseph. I had to produce -the same _medicine_ that we will now manufacture. Thus, you were a -guinea pig for a splendid cause." - -"Okay, okay," Joe said. "But you shoulda charged him more." - -"Joseph, I promise you that we shall get back every redsent of which -that swindler cheated us, besides whatever other funds or valuables he -possesses. We could not be content with less." - -"Well, we're starting all right," admitted Joe. "How about that thing -with six arms? He looks like a valuable. Can't we grab him off?" - -Harvey stopped filling bottles and looked up pensively. - -"I have every hope of luring away the profitable monstrosity. -Apparently you have also surmised the fortune we could make with him. -At first I purpose to exhibit him on our interplanetary tours with our -streamlined panacea; he would be a spectacular attraction for bucolic -suckers. Later, a brief period of demonstrating his abilities on the -audio-visiphone. Then our triumph--we shall sell him at a stupendous -figure to the zoo!" - - * * * * * - -Joe was still dazed by that monetary vista when he and Harvey carried -the case of medicine to the saloon. The mayor had already cleared a -place of honor in the cluttered back room, where he told them to put it -down carefully. Then he took the elaborate bottle-opener Harvey gave -him, reverently uncorked a bottle and sampled it. It must have been at -least as good as the first; he gagged. - -"That's the stuff, all right," he said, swallowing hard. He counted -out the money into Harvey's hand, at a moderate rate that precariously -balanced between his pleasure at getting the fever remedy and his pain -at paying for it. Then he glanced out to see the position of Jupiter, -and asked: "You gents eaten yet? The restaurant's open now." - -Harvey and Joe looked at each other. They hadn't been thinking about -food at all, but suddenly they realized that they were hungry. - -"It's only water we were short of," Harvey said apprehensively. "We've -got rations back at the ship." - -"_H-mph!_" the mayor grunted. "Powdered concentrates. Compressed pap. -Suit yourselves. We treat our stomachs better here. And you're welcome -to our hospitality." - -"Your hospitality," said Harvey, "depends on the prices you charge." - -"Well, if that's what's worrying you, you can stop worrying," answered -the mayor promptly. "What's more, the kind of dinner I serve here you -can't get anywhere else for any price." - -Swiftly, Harvey conned the possibilities of being bilked again. He saw -none. - -"Let's take a look at the menu, anyhow, Joe," he said guardedly. - -Johnson immediately fell into the role of "mine host." - -"Come right in, gents," he invited. "Right into the dining room." - -He seated them at a table, which a rope tied between posts made more or -less private, though nobody else was in the saloon and there was little -chance of company. - -Genius, the six-armed native, appeared from the dingy kitchen with -two menus in one hand, two glasses of water in another, plus napkins, -silverware, a pitcher, plates, saucers, cups, and their cocktails, -which were on the house. Then he stood by for orders. - -Harvey and Joe studied the menu critically. The prices were -phenomenally low. When they glanced up at Johnson in perplexity, he -grinned, bowed and asked: "Everything satisfactory, gents?" - -"Quite," said Harvey. "We shall order." - -For an hour they were served amazing dishes, both fresh and canned, the -culinary wealth of this planetoid and all the system. And the service -was as extraordinary as the meal itself. With four hands, Genius played -deftly upon a pair of mellow Venusian _viotars_, using his other two -hands for waiting on the table. - -"We absolutely must purchase this incredible specimen," Harvey -whispered excitedly when Johnson and the native were both in the -kitchen, attending to the next course. "He would make any society -hostess's season a riotous success, which should be worth a great sum -to women like Mrs. van Schuyler-Morgan, merely for his hire." - -"Think of a fast one fast," Joe agreed. "You're right." - -"But I dislike having to revise my opinion of a man so often," -complained Harvey. "I wish Johnson would stay either swindler or honest -merchant. This dinner is worth as least twenty buckos, yet I estimate -our check at a mere bucko twenty redsents." - -The mayor's appearance prevented them from continuing the discussion. - -"It's been a great honor, gents," he said. "Ain't often I have -visitors, and I like the best, like you two gents." - -As if on cue, Genius came out and put the check down between Joe and -Harvey. Harvey picked it up negligently, but his casual air vanished in -a yelp of horror. - -"What the devil is this?" he shouted.--"How do you arrive at this -fantastic, idiotic figure--_three hundred and twenty-eight buckos_!" - - * * * * * - -Johnson didn't answer. Neither did Genius; he simply put on the table, -not a fingerbowl, but a magnifying glass. With one of his thirty -fingers he pointed politely to the bottom of the menu. - -Harvey focused on the microscopic print, and his face went pasty with -rage. The minute note read: "Services and entertainment, 327 buckos 80 -redsents." - -"You can go to hell!" Joe growled. "We won't pay it!" - -Johnson sighed ponderously. "I was afraid you'd act like that," he said -with regret. He pulled a tin badge out of his rear pocket, pinned it on -his vest, and twisted his holstered gun into view. "Afraid I'll have to -ask the sheriff to take over." - -Johnson, the "sheriff," collected the money, and Johnson, the -"restaurateur," pocketed it. Meanwhile, Harvey tipped Joe the sign to -remain calm. - -"My friend," he said to the mayor, and his tones took on a -schoolmasterish severity, "your long absence from Earth has perhaps -made you forget those elements of human wisdom that have entered the -folk-lore of your native planet. Such as, for example: 'It is folly -to kill a goose that lays golden eggs,' and 'Penny wise is pound -foolish.'" - -"I don't get the connection," objected Johnson. - -"Well, by obliging us to pay such a high price for your dinner, you put -out of your reach the chance of profiting from a really substantial -deal. My partner and I were prepared to make you a sizable offer for -the peculiar creature you call Genius. But by reducing our funds the -way you have--" - -"Who said I wanted to sell him?" the mayor interrupted. He rubbed his -fingers together and asked disinterestedly: "What were you going to -offer, anyhow?" - -"It doesn't matter any longer," Harvey said with elaborate -carelessness. "Perhaps you wouldn't have accepted it, anyway." - -"That's right," Johnson came back emphatically. "But what would your -offer have been which I would have turned down?" - -"Which one? The one we were going to make, or the one we can make now?" - -"Either one. It don't make no difference. Genius is too valuable to -sell." - -"Oh, come now, Mr. Johnson. Don't tell me no amount of money would -tempt you!" - -"Nope. But how much did you say?" - -"Ah, then you will consider releasing Genius!" - -"Well, I'll tell you something," said the mayor confidentially. "When -you've got one thing, you've got one thing. But when you've got money, -it's the same as having a lot of things. Because, if you've got money, -you can buy this and that and this and that and--" - -"This and that," concluded Joe. "We'll give you five hundred buckos." - -"Now, gents!" Johnson remonstrated. "Why, six hundred would hardly--" - -"You haven't left us much money," Harvey put in. - -The mayor frowned. "All right, we'll split the difference. Make it -five-fifty." - -Harvey was quick to pay out, for this was a genuine windfall. Then he -stood up and admired the astonishing possession he had so inexpensively -acquired. - -"I really hate to deprive you of this unique creature," he said to -Johnson. "I should imagine you will be rather lonely, with only your -filial mammoth to keep you company." - -"I sure will," Johnson confessed glumly. "I got pretty attached to -Genius, and I'm going to miss him something awful." - -Harvey forcibly removed his eyes from the native, who was clearing off -the table almost all at once. - -"My friend," he said, "we take your only solace, it is true, but in his -place we can offer something no less amazing and instructive." - -The mayor's hand went protectively to his pocket. "What is it?" he -asked with the suspicion of a man who has seen human nature at its -worst and expects nothing better. - -"Joseph, get our most prized belonging from the communications room of -the ship," Harvey instructed. To Johnson he explained: "You must see -the wondrous instrument before its value can be appreciated. My partner -will soon have it here for your astonishment." - -Joe's face grew as glum as Johnson's had been. "Aw, Harv," he -protested, "do we have to sell it? And right when I thought we were -getting the key!" - -"We must not be selfish, my boy," Harvey said nobly. "We have had our -chance; now we must relinquish Fate to the hands of a man who might -have more success than we. Go, Joseph. Bring it here." - -Unwillingly, Joe turned and shuffled out. - - * * * * * - -On a larger and heavier world than Planetoid 42, Johnson's curiosity -would probably have had weight and mass. He was bursting with -questions, but he was obviously afraid they would cost him money. For -his part, Harvey allowed that curiosity to grow like a Venusian amoeba -until Joe came in, lugging a radio. - -"Is that what you were talking about?" the mayor snorted. "What makes -you think I want a radio? I came here to get away from singers and -political speech-makers." - -"Do not jump to hasty conclusions," Harvey cautioned. "Another word, -and I shall refuse you the greatest opportunity any man has ever had, -with the sole exceptions of Joseph, myself and the unfortunate inventor -of this absolutely awe-inspiring device." - -"I ain't in the market for a radio," Johnson said stubbornly. - -Harvey nodded in relief. "We have attempted to repay our host, Joseph. -He has spurned our generosity. We have now the chance to continue our -study, which I am positive will soon reward us with the key to an -enormous fortune." - -"Well, that's no plating off our bow," Joe grunted. "I'm glad he did -turn it down. I hated to give it up after working on it for three whole -years." - -He picked up the radio and began walking toward the door. - -"Now, hold on!" the mayor cried. "I ain't _saying_ I'll buy, but what -is it I'm turning down?" - -Joe returned and set the instrument down on the bar. His face -sorrowful, Harvey fondly stroked the scarred plasticoid cabinet. - -"To make a long story, Mr. Johnson," he said, "Joseph and I were among -the chosen few who knew the famous Doctor Dean intimately. Just before -his tragic death, you will recall, Dean allegedly went insane." He -banged his fist on the bar. "I have said it before, and I repeat again, -that was a malicious lie, spread by the doctor's enemies to discredit -his greatest invention--this fourth dimensional radio!" - -"This what?" Johnson blurted out. - -"In simple terms," clarified Harvey, "the ingenious doctor discovered -that the yawning chasm between the dimensions could be bridged by -energy of all quanta. There has never been any question that the -inhabitants of the super-dimension would be far more civilized than -ourselves. Consequently, the man who could tap their knowledge would -find himself in possession of a powerful, undreamt-of science!" - -The mayor looked respectfully at the silent box on the bar. - -"And this thing gets broadcasts from the fourth dimension?" - -"It does, Mr. Johnson! Only charlatans like those who envied Doctor -Dean's magnificent accomplishments could deny that fact." - -The mayor put his hands in his pockets, unswiveled one hip and stared -thoughtfully at the battered cabinet. - -"Well, let's say it picks up fourth dimensional broadcasts," he -conceded. "But how could you understand what they're saying? Folks up -there wouldn't talk our language." - -Again Harvey smashed his fist down. "Do you dare to repeat the scurvy -lie that broke Dean's spirit and drove him to suicide?" - -Johnson recoiled. "No--no, _of course not_. I mean, being up here, I -naturally couldn't get all the details." - -"Naturally," Harvey agreed, mollified. "I'm sorry I lost my temper. -But it is a matter of record that the doctor proved the broadcasts -emanating from the super-dimension were in English! Why should that be -so difficult to believe? Is it impossible that at one time there was -communication between the dimensions, that the super-beings admired -our language and adopted it in all its beauty, adding to it their own -hyper-scientific trimmings?" - -"Why, I don't know," Johnson said in confusion. - -"For three years, Joseph and I lost sleep and hair, trying to detect -the simple key that would translate the somewhat metamorphosed -broadcasts into our primitive English. It eluded us. Even the doctor -failed. But that was understandable; a sensitive soul like his could -stand only so much. And the combination of ridicule and failure to -solve the mystery caused him to take his own life." - -Johnson winced. "Is that what you want to unload on me?" - -"For a very good reason, sir. Patience is the virtue that will be -rewarded with the key to these fourth dimensional broadcasts. A man who -could devote his life to improving this lonely worldlet is obviously a -person with unusual patience." - -"Yeah," the mayor said grudgingly, "I ain't exactly flighty." - -"Therefore, you are the man who could unravel the problem!" - -Johnson asked skeptically: "How about a sample first?" - - * * * * * - -Harvey turned a knob on the face of the scarred radio. After several -squeals of spatial figures, a smooth voice began: - -"There are omnious pleajes of moby-hailegs in sonmirand which, -howgraismon, are notch to be donfured miss ellasellabell in either or -both hagasanipaj, by all means. This does not refly, on the brother -man, nat or mizzafil saces are denuded by this ossifaligo...." - -Harvey switched off the set determinedly. - -"Wait a minute!" Johnson begged. "I almost got it then!" - -"I dislike being commercial," said Harvey, "but this astounding device -still belongs to us. Would we not be foolish to let you discover the -clue before purchasing the right to do so?" - -The mayor nodded indecisively, looking at the radio with agonized -longing. "How much do you want?" he asked unhappily. - -"One thousand buckos, and no haggling. I am not in the mood." - -Johnson opened his mouth to argue; then, seeing Harvey's set features, -paid with the worst possible grace. - -"Don't you think we ought to tell him about the batteries, Harv?" Joe -asked. - -"What about the batteries?" demanded Johnson with deadly calm. - -"A very small matter," Harvey said airily. "You see, we have been -analyzing these broadcasts for three years. In that time, of course, -the batteries are bound to weaken. I estimate these should last not -less than one Terrestrial month, at the very least." - -"What do I do then?" - -Harvey shrugged. "Special batteries are required, which I see Joseph -has by chance brought along. For the batteries, the only ones of their -kind left in the system, I ask only what they cost--one hundred and -ninety-nine buckos, no more and, on the other hand, no less." - -Johnson was breathing hard, and his hand hovered dangerously near his -gun. But he paid the amount Harvey wanted. - -Moreover, he actually shook hands when the two panacea purveyors -collected their six-armed prize and said goodbye. Before they were -outside, however, he had turned on the radio and was listening tensely -to a woman's highly cultured, though rather angry voice, saying: - -"Oh, you hannaforge are all beasa-taga-sanimort. If you rue amount it, -how do you respench a pure woman to ansver go-samak--" - -"I'll get it!" they heard Johnson mutter. - -Then the sound of giant feet crossing the barroom floor reached their -ears, and a shrill question: "What's that, Papa?" - -"A fortune, Jed! Those fakers are damned fools, selling us a thing -like--" - -Joe gazed at Harvey admiringly. "Another one sold? Harv, that spiel -pulls them in like an ether storm!" - -Together with the remarkable planetoid man, they reached the ship. -Above them, dark, tumbling shapes blotted out the stars and silently -moved on. Joe opened the gangway door. - -"Come on in, pal," he said to Genius. "We're shoving off." - -The planetoid man grinned foolishly. "Can't go arong with you," he said -with an apologetic manner. "I rike to, but pressure fratten me out if I -go." - -"What in solar blazes are you talking about?" Harvey asked. - -"I grow up on pranetoid," Genius explained. "On big pranet, too much -pressure for me." - -The two salesmen looked narrowly at each other. - -"Did Johnson know that when he sold you?" Joe snarled. - -"Oh, sure." The silly grin became wider than ever. "Peopre from Earth -buy me rots of times. I never reave pranetoid, though." - -"Joseph," Harvey said ominously, "that slick colonist has put one over -upon us. What is our customary procedure in that event?" - -"We tear him apart," Joe replied between his teeth. - -"Not Mister Johnson," advised Genius. "Have gun and badge. He shoot you -first and then rock you up in prison." - -Harvey paused, his ominous air vanishing. "True. There is also the -fact, Joseph, that when he discovers the scrambled rectifier in -the radio we sold him, he will have been paid back in full for his -regrettable dishonesty." - - * * * * * - -Unwillingly, Joe agreed. While Genius retreated to a safe distance, -they entered the ship and blasted off. Within a few minutes the -automatic steering pilot had maneuvered them above the plane of the -asteroid belt. - -"I got kind of dizzy," Joe said, "there were so many deals back and -forth. How much did we make on the sucker?" - -"A goodly amount, I wager," Harvey responded. He took out a pencil and -paper. "Medicine, 469.50; radio, 1,000; batteries, 199. Total--let's -see--1668 buckos and 50 redsents. A goodly sum, as I told you." - -He emptied his pockets of money, spread it out on the astrogation table -and began counting. Finished, he looked up, troubled. - -"How much did we have when we landed, Joseph?" - -"Exactly 1668 buckos," Joe answered promptly. - -"I can't understand it," said Harvey. "Instead of double our capital, -we now have only 1668 buckos and 50 redsents!" - -Feverishly, he returned to his pencil and paper. - -"Drinking water, 790; battery water, free; meal, 328; planetoid man, -550. Total: 1668 buckos!" He stared at the figures. "We paid out almost -as much as we took in," he said bitterly. "Despite our intensive -efforts, we made the absurd sum of fifty redsents." - -"Why, the dirty crook!" Joe growled. - -But after a few moments of sad reflection, Harvey became philosophical. -"Perhaps, Joseph, we are more fortunate than we realize. We were, -after all, completely in Johnson's power. The more I ponder, the more -I believe we were lucky to escape. And, anyhow, we did make fifty -redsents on the swindler. A moral victory, my boy." - -Joe, who had been sunk desparingly into a chair, now stood up slowly -and asked: "Remember that bottle-opener we gave him?" - -"Certainly," Harvey explained. "What about it?" - -"How much did it cost us?" - -Harvey's eyebrows puckered. Suddenly he started laughing. "You're -right, Joseph. We paid forty-six redsents for it on Venus. So, after -all that transacting of business, we made four redsents!" - -"Four redsents, hell!" Joe snapped. "That was the sales tax!" - -He glared; then a smile lifted his mouth. "You remember those yokels on -Mars' Flatlands, and the way they worshipped gold?" - -"_Goldbricks!_" Harvey said succinctly. - -Grinning, Joe set the robot-controls for Mars. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Grifters' Asteroid, by H. L. 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