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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/6113.txt b/6113.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2997be1 --- /dev/null +++ b/6113.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13441 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Day of Fate, by E. P. Roe + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Day of Fate + +Author: E. P. Roe + +Posting Date: September 8, 2012 [EBook #6113] +Release Date: July, 2004 +First Posted: November 11, 2002 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A DAY OF FATE *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: "SHE FELT MY PRESENCE AND LOOKED UP QUICKLY."] + +The Works of E. P. Roe + +_VOLUME FOURTEEN_ + +A DAY OF FATE + +_ILLUSTRATED_ + +1880 + + +PREFACE + +"Some shallow story of deep love." + +--Shakespeare + + + + +CONTENTS + +_BOOK FIRST_ + +CHAPTER I + AIMLESS STEPS + +CHAPTER II + A JUNE DAY DREAM + +CHAPTER III + A SHINING TIDE + +CHAPTER IV + REALITY + +CHAPTER V + MUTUAL DISCOVERIES + +CHAPTER VI + A QUAKER TEA + +CHAPTER VII + A FRIEND + +CHAPTER VIII + THE MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES + +CHAPTER IX + "OLD PLOD" + +CHAPTER X + A BIT OF EDEN + +CHAPTER XI + "MOVED" + +CHAPTER XII + ONE OF NATURE'S TRAGEDIES + +CHAPTER XIII + THE LIGHTNING AND A SUBTLER FLAME + +CHAPTER XIV + KINDLING A SPARK OF LIFE + +CHAPTER XV + MY FATE + + +_BOOK SECOND_ + +CHAPTER I + THE DAY AFTER + +CHAPTER II + "IT WAS INEVITABLE" + +CHAPTER III + RETURNING CONSCIOUSNESS + +CHAPTER IV + IN THE DARK + +CHAPTER V + A FLASH OF MEMORY + +CHAPTER VI + WEAKNESS + +CHAPTER VII + OLD PLOD IDEALIZED + +CHAPTER VIII + AN IMPULSE + +CHAPTER IX + A WRETCHED FAILURE + +CHAPTER X + IN THE DEPTHS + +CHAPTER XI + POOR ACTING + +CHAPTER XII + THE HOPE OP A HIDDEN TREASURE + +CHAPTER XIII + THE OLD MEETING-HOUSE AGAIN + +CHAPTER XIV + LOVE TEACHING ETHICS + +CHAPTER XV + DON'T THINK OF ME + +CHAPTER XVI + "RICHARD" + +CHAPTER XVII + MY WORST BLUNDER + +CHAPTER XVIII + MRS. YOCOMB'S LETTERS + +CHAPTER XIX + ADAH + +CHAPTER XX + THANKSGIVING DAY + +CHAPTER XXI + RIPPLES ON DEEP WATER + + + + +_BOOK FIRST_ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +AIMLESS STEPS + + +"Another month's work will knock Morton into 'pi,'" was a remark that +caught my ear as I fumed from the composing-room back to my private +office. I had just irately blamed a printer for a blunder of my own, +and the words I overheard reminded me of the unpleasant truth that I +had recently made a great many senseless blunders, over which I chafed +in merciless self-condemnation. For weeks and months my mind had been +tense under the strain of increasing work and responsibility. It was my +nature to become absorbed in my tasks, and, as night editor of a +prominent city journal, I found a limitless field for labor. It was +true I could have jogged along under the heavy burden with +comparatively little wear and loss, but, impelled by both temperament +and ambition, I was trying to maintain a racer's speed. From casual +employment as a reporter I had worked my way up to my present position, +and the tireless activity and alertness required to win and hold such a +place was seemingly degenerating into a nervous restlessness which +permitted no repose of mind or rest of body. I worked when other men +slept, but, instead of availing myself of the right to sleep when the +world was awake, I yielded to an increasing tendency to wakefulness, +and read that I might be informed on the endless variety of subjects +occupying public attention. The globe was becoming a vast +hunting-ground, around which my thoughts ranged almost unceasingly that +I might capture something new, striking, or original for the benefit of +our paper. Each day the quest had grown more eager, and as the hour for +going to press approached I would even become feverish in my intense +desire to send the paper out with a breezy, newsy aspect, and would be +elated if, at the last moment, material was flashed in that would +warrant startling head-lines, and correspondingly depressed if the +weary old world had a few hours of quiet and peace. To make the paper +"go," every faculty I possessed was in the harness. + +The aside I had just overheard suggested, at least, one very probable +result. In printer's jargon, I would soon be in "pi." + +The remark, combined with my stupid blunder, for which I had blamed an +innocent man, caused me to pull up and ask myself whither I was +hurrying so breathlessly. Saying to my assistant that I did not wish to +be disturbed for a half hour, unless it was essential, I went to my +little inner room. I wished to take a mental inventory of myself, and +see how much was left. Hitherto I had been on the keen run--a condition +not favorable to introspection. + +Neither my temperament nor the school in which I had been trained +inclined me to slow, deliberate processes of reasoning. I looked my own +case over as I might that of some brother-editors whose journals were +draining them of life, and whose obituaries I shall probably write if I +survive them. Reason and Conscience, now that I gave them a chance, +began to take me to task severely. + +"You are a blundering fool," said Reason, "and the man in the +composing-room is right. You are chafing over petty blunders while +ignoring the fact that your whole present life is a blunder, and the +adequate reason why your faculties are becoming untrustworthy. Each day +you grow more nervously anxious to have everything correct, giving your +mind to endless details, and your powers are beginning to snap like the +overstrained strings of a violin. At this rate you will soon spend +yourself and all there is of you." + +Then Conscience, like an irate judge on the bench, arraigned me. "You +are a heathen, and your paper is your car of Juggernaut. You are +ceasing to be a man and becoming merely an editor--no, not even an +editor--a newsmonger, one of the world's gossips. You are an Athenian +only as you wish to hear and tell some new thing. Long ears are +becoming the appropriate symbols of your being. You are too hurried, +too eager for temporary success, too taken up with details, to form +calm, philosophical opinions of the great events of your time, and thus +be able to shape men's opinions. You commenced as a reporter, and are a +reporter still. You pride yourself that you are not narrow, unconscious +of the truth that you are spreading yourself thinly over the mere +surface of affairs. You have little comprehension of the deeper forces +and motives of humanity." + +It is true that I might have pleaded in extenuation of these rather +severe judgments that I was somewhat alone in the world, living in +bachelor apartments, without the redeeming influences of home and +family life. There were none whose love gave them the right or the +motive to lay a restraining hand upon me, and my associates in labor +were more inclined to applaud my zeal than to curb it. Thus it had been +left to the casual remark of a nameless printer and an instance of my +own failing powers to break the spell that ambition and habit were +weaving. + +Before the half hour elapsed I felt weak and ill. The moment I relaxed +the tension and will-power which I had maintained so long, strong +reaction set in. Apparently I had about reached the limits of +endurance. I felt as if I were growing old and feeble by minutes as one +might by years. Taking my hat and coat I passed out, remarking to my +assistant that he must do the best he could--that I was ill and would +not return. If the Journal had never appeared again I could not then +have written a line to save it, or read another proof. + +Saturday morning found me feverish, unrefreshed, and more painfully +conscious than ever that I was becoming little better than the presses +on which the paper was printed. Depression inevitably follows weariness +and exhaustion, and one could scarcely take a more gloomy view of +himself than I did. + +"I will escape from this city as if it were Sodom," I muttered, "and a +June day in the country will reveal whether I have a soul for anything +beyond the wrangle of politics and the world's gossip." + +In my despondency I was inclined to be reckless, and after merely +writing a brief note to my editorial chief, saying that I had broken +down and was going to the country, I started almost at random. After a +few hours' riding I wearied of the cars, and left them at a small +village whose name I did not care to inquire. The mountains and scenery +pleased me, although the day was overcast like my mind and fortunes. +Having found a quiet inn and gone through the form of a dinner, I sat +down on the porch in dreary apathy. + +The afternoon aspect of the village street seemed as dull and devoid of +interest as my own life at that hour, and in fancy I saw myself, a +broken-down man, lounging away days that would be like eternities, +going through my little round like a bit of driftwood, slowly circling +in an eddy of the world's great current. With lack-lustre eyes I +"looked up to the hills," but no "help" came from them. The air was +close, the sky leaden; even the birds would not sing. Why had I come to +the country? It had no voices for me, and I resolved to return to the +city. But while I waited my eyes grew heavy with the blessed power to +sleep--a boon, for which I then felt that I would travel to the Ultima +Thule. Leaving orders that I should not be disturbed, I went to my +room, and Nature took the tired man, as if he were a weary child, into +her arms. + +At last I imagined that I was at the Academy of Music, and that the +orchestra were tuning their instruments for the overture. A louder +strain than usual caused me to start up, and I saw through the open +window a robin on a maple bough, with its tuneful throat swelled to the +utmost. This was the leader of my orchestra, and the whole country was +alive with musicians, each one giving out his own notes without any +regard for the others, but apparently the score had been written for +them all, since the innumerable strains made one divine harmony. From +the full-orbed song from the maple by my window, down to the faintest +chirp and twitter, there was no discord; while from the fields beyond +the village the whistle of the meadow-larks was so mellowed and +softened by distance as to incline one to wonder whether their notes +were real or mere ideals of sound. + +For a long time I was serenely content to listen to the myriad-voiced +chords without thinking of the past or future. At last I found myself +idly querying whether Nature did not so blend all out-of-door sounds as +to make them agreeable, when suddenly a catbird broke the spell of +harmony by its flat, discordant note. Instead of my wonted irritation +at anything that jarred upon my nerves, I laughed as I sprang up, +saying, + +"That cry reminds me that I am in the body and in the same old world. +That bird is near akin to the croaking printer." + +But my cynicism was now more assumed than real, and I began to wonder +at myself. The change of air and scene had seemingly broken a malign +influence, and sleep--that for weeks had almost forsaken me--had +yielded its deep refreshment for fifteen hours. Besides, I had not +sinned against my life so many years as to have destroyed the +elasticity of early manhood. When I had lain down to rest I had felt +myself to be a weary, broken, aged man. Had I, in my dreams, discovered +the Fountain of Youth, and unconsciously bathed in it? In my rebound +toward health of mind and body I seemed to have realized what the old +Spaniard vainly hoped for. + +I dressed in haste, eager to be out in the early June sunshine. There +had been a shower in the night, and the air had a fine exhilarating +quality, in contrast with the close sultriness of the previous +afternoon. + +Instead of nibbling at breakfast while I devoured the morning dailies, +I ate a substantial meal, and only thought of papers to bless their +absence, and then walked down the village street with the quick glad +tread of one whose hope and zest in life have been renewed. Fragrant +June roses were opening on every side, and it appeared to me that all +the sin of man could not make the world offensive to heaven that +morning. + +I wished that some of the villagers whom I met were more in accord with +Nature's mood; but in view of my own shortcomings, and still more +because of my fine physical condition, I was disposed toward a large +charity. And yet I could not help wondering how some that I saw could +walk among their roses and still look so glum and matter-of-fact. I +felt as if I could kiss every velvet petal. + +"You were unjust," I charged back on Conscience; "this morning proves +that I am not an ingrained newsmonger. There is still man enough left +within me to revive at Nature's touch;" and I exultantly quickened my +steps, until I had left the village miles away. + +Before the morning was half gone I learned how much of my old vigor had +ebbed, for I was growing weary early in the day. Therefore I paused +before a small gray building, old and weather-stained, that seemed +neither a barn, nor a dwelling, nor a school-house. A man was in the +act of unlocking the door, and his garb suggested that it might be a +Friends' meeting-house. Yielding to an idle curiosity I mounted a stone +wall at a point where I was shaded and partially screened by a tree, +and watched and waited, beguiling the time with a branch of sweetbriar +that hung over my resting-place. + +Soon strong open wagons and rockaways began to appear drawn by sleek, +plump horses that often, seemingly, were gayer than their drivers. +Still there was nothing sour in the aspect or austere in the garb of +the people. Their quiet appearance took my fancy amazingly, and the +peach-like bloom on the cheeks of even well-advanced matrons suggested +a serene and quiet life. + +"These are the people of all others with whom I would like to worship +to-day," I thought; "and I hope that that rotund old lady, whose face +beams under the shadow of her deep bonnet like a harvest moon through a +fleecy cloud, will feel moved to speak." I plucked a few buds from the +sweet-briar bush, fastened them in my button-hole, and promptly +followed the old lady into the meeting-house. Having found a vacant pew +I sat down, and looked around with serene content. But I soon observed +that something was amiss, for the men folk looked at each other and +then at me. At last an elderly and substantial Friend, with a face so +flushed and round as to suggest a Baldwin apple, arose and creaked with +painful distinctness to where I was innocently infringing on one of +their customs. + +"If thee will follow me, friend," he said, "I'll give thee a seat with +the men folks. Thee's welcome, and thee'll feel more at home to follow +our ways." + +His cordial grasp of my hand would have disarmed suspicion itself, and +I followed him meekly. In my embarrassment and desire to show that I +had no wish to appear forward, I persisted in taking a side seat next +to the wall, and quite near the door; for my guide, in order to show +his goodwill and to atone for what might seem rudeness, was bent on +marshalling me almost up to the high seats that faced the congregation, +where sat my rubicund old Friend lady, whose aspect betokened that she +had just the Gospel message I needed. + +I at once noted that these staid and decorous people looked straight +before them in an attitude of quiet expectancy. A few little children +turned on me their round, curious eyes, but no one else stared at the +blundering stranger, whose modish coat, with a sprig of wild roses in +its buttonhole, made him rather a conspicuous contrast to the other men +folk, and I thought-- + +"Here certainly is an example of good-breeding which could scarcely be +found among other Christians. If one of these Friends should appear in +the most fashionable church on the Avenue, he would be well stared at, +but here even the children are receiving admonitory nudges not to look +at me." + +I soon felt that it was not the thing to be the only one who was +irreverently looking around, and my good-fortune soon supplied ample +motive for looking steadily in one direction. The reader may justly +think that I should have composed my mind to meditation on my many +sins, but I might as well have tried to gather in my hands the reins of +all the wild horses of Arabia as to curb and manage my errant thoughts. +My only chance was for some one or something to catch and hold them for +me. If that old Friend lady would preach I was sure she would do me +good. As it was, her face was an antidote to the influences of the +world in which I dwelt, but I soon began to dream that I had found a +still better remedy, for, at a fortunate angle from my position, there +sat a young Quakeress whose side face arrested my attention and held +it. By leaning a little against the wall as well as the back of my +bench, I also, well content, could look straight before me like the +others. + +The fair profile was but slightly hidden by a hat that had a +perceptible leaning toward the world in its character, but the brow was +only made to seem a little lower, and her eyes deepened in their blue +by its shadow. My sweet-briar blossoms were not more delicate in their +pink shadings than was the bloom on her rounded cheek, and the white, +firm chin denoted an absence of weakness and frivolity. The upper lip, +from where I sat, seemed one half of Cupid's bow. I could but barely +catch a glimpse of a ripple of hair that, perhaps, had not been +smoothed with sufficient pains, and thus seemed in league with the +slightly worldly bonnet. In brief, to my kindled fancy, her youth and +loveliness appeared the exquisite human embodiment of the June morning, +with its alternations of sunshine and shadow, its roses and their +fragrance, of its abounding yet untarnished and beautiful life. + +No one in the meeting seemed moved save myself, but I felt as if I +could become a poet, a painter, and even a lover, under the inspiration +of that perfect profile. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +A JUNE DAY-DREAM + + +Moment after moment passed, but we all sat silent and motionless. +Through the open windows came a low, sweet monotone of the wind from +the shadowing maples, sometimes swelling into a great depth of sound, +and again dying to a whisper, and the effect seemed finer than that of +the most skilfully touched organ. Occasionally an irascible humble-bee +would dart in, and, after a moment of motionless poise, would dart out +again, as if in angry disdain of the quiet people. In its irate hum and +sudden dartings I saw my own irritable fuming and nervous activity, and +I blessed the Friends and their silent meeting. I blessed the fair June +face, that was as far removed from the seething turmoil of my world as +the rosebuds under her home-windows. + +Surely I had drifted out of the storm into the very haven of rest and +peace, and yet one might justly dread lest the beauty which bound my +eyes every moment in a stronger fascination should evoke an unrest from +which there might be no haven. Young men, however, rarely shrink from +such perils, and I was no more prudent than my fellows. Indeed, I was +inclining toward the fancy that this June day was the day of destiny +with me; and if such a creature were the remedy for my misshapen life +it would be bliss to take it. + +In our sweet silence, broken only by the voice of the wind, the twitter +of birds beguiling perhaps with pretty nonsense the hours that would +otherwise seem long to their brooding mates on the nests, and the hum +of insects, my fancy began to create a future for the fair stranger--a +future, rest assured, that did not leave the dreamer a calm and +disinterested observer. + +"This day," I said mentally, "proves that there is a kindly and +superintending Providence, and men are often led, like children in the +dark, to just the thing they want. The wisdom of Solomon could not have +led me to a place more suited to my taste and need than have my blind, +aimless steps; and before me are possibilities which suggest the vista +through which Eve was led to Adam." + +My constant contact with men who were keen, self-seeking, and often +unscrupulous, inclined me toward cynicism and suspicion. My editorial +life made me an Arab in a sense, for if there were occasion, my hand +might be against any man, if not every man. I certainly received many +merciless blows, and I was learning to return them with increasing +zest. My column in the paper was often a tilting-ground, and whether or +no I inflicted wounds that amounted to much, I received some that long +rankled. A home such as yonder woman might make would be a better +solace than newspaper files. Such lips as these might easily draw the +poison from any wound the world could make. Wintry firelight would be +more genial than even June sunlight, if her eyes would reflect in into +mine. With such companionship, all the Gradgrinds in existence would +prose in vain; life would never lose its ideality, nor the world become +a mere combination of things. Her woman's fancy would embroider my +man's reason and make it beautiful, while not taking from its strength. +Idiot that I was, in imagining that I alone could achieve success! +Inevitably I could make but a half success, since the finer feminine +element would be wanting. Do I wish men only to read our paper? Am I a +Turk, holding the doctrine that women have no souls, no minds? The +shade of my mother forbid! Then how was I, a man, to interpret the +world to women? Truly, I had been an owl of the night, and blind to the +honest light of truth when I yielded to the counsel of ambition, that I +had no time for courtship and marriage. In my stupid haste I would try +to grope my way through subjects beyond a man's ken, rather than seek +some such guide as yonder maiden, whose intuitions would be unerring +when the light of reason failed. In theory, I held the doctrine that +there was sex in mind as truly as in the material form. Now I was +inclined to act as if my doctrine were true, and to seek to double my +power by winning the supplemental strength and grace of a woman's soul. + +Indeed, my day-dream was becoming exceedingly thrifty in its character, +and I assured ambition that the companionship of such a woman as yonder +maiden must be might become the very corner-stone of success. + +Time passed, and still no one was "moved." Was my presence the cause of +the spiritual paralysis? I think not, for I was becoming conscious of +reverent feeling and deeper motives. If the fair face was my Gospel +message, it was already leading me beyond the thoughts of success and +ambition, of mental power and artistic grace. Her womanly beauty began +to awaken my moral nature, and her pure face, that looked as free from +guile as any daisy with its eye turned to the sun, led me to ask, "What +right have you to approach such a creature? Think of her needs, of her +being first, and not your own. Would you drag her into the turmoil of +your world because she would be a solace? Would you disturb the +maidenly serenity of that brow with knowledge of evil and misery, the +nightly record of which you have collated so long that you are callous? +You, whose business it is to look behind the scenes of life, will you +disenchant her also? It is your duty to unmask hypocrisy, and to drag +hidden evil to light, but will you teach her to suspect and distrust? +Should you not yourself become a better, truer, purer man before you +look into the clear depths of her blue eyes? Beware, lest thoughtlessly +or selfishly you sully their limpid truth." + +"If she could be God's evangel to me, I might indeed be a better man," +I murmured. + +"That is ever the way," suggested Conscience; "there is always an 'if' +in the path of duty; and you make your change for the better depend on +the remote possibility that yonder maiden will ever look on you as +other than a casual stranger that caused a slight disturbance in the +wonted placidity of their meeting hour." + +"Hush," I answered Conscience, imperiously; "since the old Friend lady +will not preach, I shall endure none of your homilies. I yield myself +to the influences of this day, and during this hour no curb shall be +put on fancy. In my soul I know that I would be a better man if she is +what she seems, and could be to me all that I have dreamed; and were I +tenfold worse than I am, she would be the better for making me better. +Did not Divine purity come the closest to sinful humanity? I shall +approach this maiden in fancy, and may seek her in reality, but it +shall be with a respect so sincere and an homage so true as to rob my +thoughts and quest of bold irreverence or of mere selfishness. Suppose +I am seeking my own good, my own salvation it may be, I am not seeking +to wrong her. Are not heaven's best gifts best won by giving all for +them? I would lay my manhood at her feet. I do not expect to earn her +or buy her, giving a quid pro quo. A woman's love is like the grace of +heaven--a royal gift; and the spirit of the suitor is more regarded +than his desert. Moreover, I do not propose to soil her life with the +evil world that I must daily brush against, but through her influence +to do a little toward purifying that world. Since this is but a dream, +I shall dream it out to suit me. + +"That stalwart and elderly Friend who led me to this choice point of +observation is her father. The plump and motherly matron on the high +seat, whose face alone is a remedy for care and worry, is her mother. +They will invite me home with them when meeting is over. Already I see +the tree-embowered farmhouse, with its low, wide veranda, and +old-fashioned roses climbing the lattice-work. In such a fragrant nook, +or perhaps in the orchard back of the house, I shall explore the +wonderland of this maiden's mind and heart. Beyond the innate reserve +of an unsophisticated womanly nature there will be little reticence, +and her thoughts will flow with the clearness and unpremeditation of +the brook that I crossed on my way here. What a change they will be +from the world's blotted page that I have read too exclusively of late! + +"Perhaps it will appear to her that I have become smirched by these +pages, and that my character has the aspect of a printer at the close +of his day's tasks. + +"This source of fear, however, is also a source of hope. If she has the +quickness of intuition to discover that I know the world too well, she +will also discern the truth that I would gladly escape from that which +might eventually destroy my better nature, and that hers could be the +hand which might rescue my manhood. To the degree that she is a genuine +woman there will be fascination in the power of making a man more manly +and worthy of respect. Especially will this be true if I have the +supreme good-fortune not to offend her woman's fancy, and to excite her +sympathy; without awakening contempt. + +"But I imagine I am giving her credit for more maturity of thought and +discernment than her years permit. She must be young, and her +experiences would give her no means of understanding my life. She will +look at me with the frank, unsuspecting gaze of a child. She will +exercise toward me that blessed phase of charity which thinketh no evil +because ignorant of evil. + +"Moreover, while I am familiar with the sin of the world, and have +contributed my share toward it, I am not in love with it; and I can +well believe that such a love as she might inspire would cause me to +detest it. If for her sake and other good motives, I should resolutely +and voluntarily; turn my back on evil, would I not have the right to +walk at the side of one who, by the goodhap of her life, knows no evil? +At any rate, I am not sufficiently magnanimous to forego the +opportunity should it occur. Therefore, among the lengthening shadows +of this June day I shall woo with my utmost skill one who may be able +to banish the deeper shadows that are gathering around my life; and if +I fail I shall carry the truth of her spring-time beauty and girlish +innocence back to the city, and their memory will daily warn me to +beware lest I lose the power to love and appreciate that which is her +pre-eminent charm. + +"But enough of that phase of the question. There need be no failure in +my dream, however probable failure may be in reality. Let me imagine +that in her lovely face I may detect the slight curiosity inspired by a +stranger passing into interest. She will be shy and reserved at first; +but as the delicious sense of being understood and admired gains +mastery, her thoughts will gradually reveal her heart like the opening +petals of a rose, and I can reverently gaze upon the rich treasures of +which she is the unconscious possessor, and which I may win without +impoverishing her. + +"Her ready laugh, clear and mellow as the robin's song that woke me +this morning, will be the index of an unfailing spring of +mirthfulness--of that breezy, piquant, laughing philosophy which gives +to some women an indescribable charm, enabling them to render gloom and +despondency rare inmates of the home over which they preside. When I +recall what dark depths of perplexity and trouble my mother often hid +with her light laugh, I remember that I have never yet had a chance +even to approach her in heroism. In my dream, at least, I can give to +my wife my mother's laugh and courage; and surely Nature, who has +endowed yonder maiden with so much beauty, has also bestowed every +suitable accompaniment. Wherefore I shall discover in her eyes +treasures of sunshine that shall light my home on stormy days and +winter nights. + +"As I vary our theme of talk from bright to sad experiences, I shall +catch a glimpse of that without which the world would become a +desert--woman's sympathy. Possibly I may venture to suggest my own need, +and emphasize it by a reference to Holy Writ. That would be appropriate +in a Sunday wooing. Surely she would admit that if Adam could not endure +being alone in Eden, a like fate would be far more deserving of pity in +such a wilderness as New York. + +"Then, as a sequel to her sympathy, I may witness the awakening of that +noble characteristic of woman--self-sacrifice--the generous impulse to +give happiness, even though at cost to self. + +"As the winged hours pass, and our glances, our words, our intuitions, +and the subtle laws of magnetism that are so powerful, and yet so +utterly beyond the ken of reason, reveal us to each other, I detect in +the depths of her blue eyes a light which vanishes when I seek it, but +returns again--a principle which she does not even recognize, much less +understand, and yet which she already unconsciously obeys. Her looks +are less frank and open, her manner grows deliciously shy, she +hesitates and chooses her words, but is not so happy in their choice as +when she spoke without premeditation. Instead of the wonted bloom on +her cheek her color comes and goes. Oh, most exquisite phase of human +power! I control the fountain of her life; and by an act, a word, a +glance even, can cause the crimson tide to rise even to her brow, and +then to ebb, leaving her sad and pale. Joy! joy! I have won that out of +which can be created the best thing of earth, and the type of heaven--a +home!" + +At this supreme moment in my day-dream, an elderly Friend on the high +seat gave his hand to another white-haired man who had, for the last +hour, leaned his chin on his stout cane, and meditated under the shadow +of his broad-brimmed hat, and our silent meeting was over. The +possessor of the exquisite profile who had led me through a flight of +romance such as I had never known before, turned and looked directly at +me. + +The breaking of my dream had been too sudden, and I had been caught too +high up to alight again on the solid ground of reality with ease and +grace. The night-editor blushed like a school-girl under her glance, at +which she seemed naturally surprised. She, of course, could imagine no +reason why her brief look of curiosity should cause me confusion and +bring a guilty crimson to my face. I took it as a good omen, however, +and said mentally, as I passed out with the others, + +"My thoughts have already established a subtle influence over her, +drawing her eyes and the first delicate tendril of interest toward one +to whom she may cling for life." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE SHINING TIDE + + +As I was strenuously seeking to gain possession of my wits, so that I +could avail myself of any opportunity that offered, or could be made by +adroit, prompt action, the stalwart and elderly Friend, who had seemed +thus far one of the ministers of my impending fate, again took my hand +and said: + +"I hope thee'll forgive me for asking thee to conform to our ways, and +not think any rudeness was meant." + +"The grasp of your hand at once taught me that you were friendly as +well as a Friend," I replied. + +"We should not belie our name, truly. I fear thee did not enjoy our +silent meeting?" + +"You are mistaken, sir. It was just the meeting which, as a weary man, +I needed." + +"I hope thee wasn't asleep?" he said, with a humorous twinkle in his +honest blue eyes. + +"You are quite mistaken again," I answered, smiling; but I should have +been in a dilemma had he asked me if I had been dreaming. + +"Thee's a stranger in these parts," he continued, in a manner that +suggested kindness rather than curiosity. + +"Possibly this is the day of my fate," I thought, "and this man the +father of my ideal woman." And I decided to angle with my utmost skill +for an invitation. + +"You are correct," I replied, "and I much regret that I have wandered +so far from my hotel, for I am not strong." + +"Well, thee may have good cause to be sorry, though we do our best; but +if thee's willing to put up with homely fare and homely people, thee's +welcome to come home with us." + +Seeing eager acquiescence in my face, he continued, without giving me +time to reply, "Here, mother, thee always provides enough for one more. +We'll have a stranger within our gates to-day, perhaps." + +To my joy the Friend lady, with a face like a benediction, turned at +his words. At the same moment a large, three-seated rockaway, with a +ruddy boy as driver, drew up against the adjacent horse-block, while +the fair unknown, who had stood among a bevy of young Quakeresses like +a tall lily among lesser flowers, came toward us holding a little girl +by the hand. The family group was drawing together according to my +prophetic fancy, and my heart beat thick and fast. Truly this was the +day of fate! + +"Homely people" indeed! and what cared I for "fare" in the very hour of +destiny! + +"Mother," he said, with his humorous twinkle, "I'm bent on making +amends to this stranger who seemed to have a drawing toward thy side of +the house. Thee didn't give him any spiritual fare in the +meeting-house, but I think thee'll do better by him at the farmhouse. +When I tell thee that he is not well and a long way from home, thee'll +give him a welcome." + +"Indeed," said the old lady, taking my hand in her soft, plump palm, +while her face fairly beamed with kindness; "it would be poor faith +that did not teach us our duty toward the stranger; and, if I mistake +not, thee'll change our duty into a pleasure." + +"Do not hope to entertain an angel," I said. + +"That's well," the old gentleman put in; "our dinner will be rather too +plain and substantial for angels' fare. I think thee'll be the better +for it though." + +"I am the better already for your most unexpected kindness, which I now +gratefully accept as a stranger. I hope, however, that I may be able to +win a more definite and personal regard;" and I handed the old +gentleman my card. + +"Richard Morton is thy name, then. I'll place thee beside Ruth Yocomb, +my wife. Come, mother, we're keeping Friend Jones's team from the +block. My name is Thomas Yocomb. No, no, take the back seat by my wife. +She may preach to thee a little going home. Drive on, Reuben," he +added, as he and his two daughters stepped quickly in, "and give Friend +Jones a chance. This is Adah Yocomb, my daughter, and this is little +Zillah. Mother thought that since the two names went together in +Scripture they ought to go together out of it, and I am the last man in +the world to go against the Scripture. That's Reuben Yocomb driving. +Now thee knows all the family, and I hope thee don't feel as much of a +stranger as thee did;" and the hearty old man turned and beamed on me +with a goodwill that I felt to be as warm and genuine as the June +sunshine. + +"To be frank," I exclaimed, "I am at a loss to understand your +kindness. In the city we are suspicious of strangers and stand aloof +from them; but you treat me as if I had brought a cordial letter of +introduction from one you esteemed highly." + +"So thee has, so thee has; only the letter came before thee did. 'Be +not forgetful to entertain strangers'--that's the way it reads, doesn't +it, mother?" + +"Moreover, Richard Morton," his wife added, "thee has voluntarily come +among us, and sat down with us for a quiet hour. Little claim to the +faith of Abraham could we have should we let thee wander off to get thy +dinner with the birds in the woods, for the village is miles away." + +"Mother'll make amends to thee for the silent meeting," said Mr. +Yocomb, looking around with an impressive nod. + +"I trust she will," I replied. "I wanted to hear her preach. It was her +kindly face that led to my blunder, for it so attracted me from my +perch of observation on the wall that I acted on my impulse and +followed her into the meeting-house, feeling in advance that I had +found a friend." + +"Well, I guess thee has, one of the old school," laughed her husband. + +The daughter, Adah, turned and looked at me, while she smiled +approvingly. Oh, blessed day of destiny! When did dream and reality so +keep pace before? Was I not dreaming still, and imagining everything to +suit my own fancy? When would the perverse world begin to assert itself? + +Sitting just before me, on the next seat, so that I could often see the +same perfect profile, was the maiden that I had already wooed and won +in fancy. Though she was so near and in the full sunlight, I could +detect no cloudiness in her exquisite complexion, nor discover a fault +in her rounded form. The slope of her shoulders was grace itself. She +did not lean back weakly or languidly, but sat erect, with a quiet, +easy poise of vigor and health. Her smile was frank and friendly, and +yet not as enchanting as I expected. It was an affair of facial muscles +rather than the lighting up of the entire visage. Nor did her full +face--now that my confusion had passed away and I was capable of close +observation--give the same vivid impression of beauty made by her +profile. It was pretty, very pretty, but for some reasons +disappointing. Then I smiled at my half-conscious criticism, and +thought, "You have imagined a creature of unearthly perfection, and +expect your impossible ideal to be realized. Were she all that you have +dreamed, she would be much too fine for an ordinary mortal like +yourself. In her rich, unperverted womanly nature you will find the +beauty that will outlast that of form and feature." + +"I fear thee found our silent meeting long and tedious," said Mrs. +Yocomb, deprecatingly. + +"I assure you I did not," I replied, "though I hoped you would have a +message for us." + +"It was not given to me," she said meekly. Then she added, "Those not +used to our ways are troubled, perhaps, with wandering thoughts during +these silent hours." + +"I was not to-day," I replied with bowed head; "I found a subject that +held mine." + +"I'm glad," she said, her face kindling with pleasure. "May I ask the +nature of the truth that held thy meditations?" + +"Perhaps I will tell you some time," I answered hesitatingly; then +added reverently, "It was of a very sacred nature." + +"Thee's right," she said, gravely. "Far be it from me to wish to look +curiously upon thy soul's communion." + +For a moment I felt guilty that I should have so misled her, but +reassured myself with the thought, "That which I dwelt upon was as +sacred to me as my mother's memory." + +I changed the subject, and sought by every means in my power to lead +her to talk, for thus, I thought, I shall learn the full source of +womanly life from which the peerless daughter has drawn her nature. + +The kind old lady needed but little incentive. Her thoughts flowed +freely in a quaint, sweet vernacular that savored of the meeting-house. +I was both interested and charmed, and as we rode at a quiet jog +through the June sunlight felt that I was in the hands of a kindly fate +that, in accordance with the old fairy tales, was bent on giving one +poor mortal all he desired. + +At last, on a hillside sloping to the south, I saw the farmhouse of my +dream. Two tall honey locusts stood like faithful guardians on each +side of the porch. An elm drooped over the farther end of the piazza. +In the dooryard the foliage of two great silver poplar or aspen trees +fluttered perpetually with its light sheen. A maple towered high behind +the house, and a brook that ran not far away was shadowed by a weeping +willow. Other trees were grouped here and there as if Nature had +planted them, and up one a wild grape-vine clambered, its unobtrusive +blossoms filling the air with a fragrance more delicious even than that +of the old-fashioned roses which abounded everywhere. + +"Was there ever a sweeter nook?" I thought as I stepped out on the wide +horse-block and gave my hand to one who seemed the beautiful +culmination of the scene. + +Miss Adah needed but little assistance to alight, but she took my hand +in hers, which she had ungloved as she approached her home. It was her +mother's soft, plump hand, but unmarked, as yet, by years of toil. I +forgot we were such entire strangers, and under the impulse of my fancy +clasped it a trifle warmly, at which she gave me a look of slight +surprise, thus suggesting that there was no occasion for the act. + +"You are mistaken," I mentally responded; "there is more occasion than +you imagine; more than I may dare to tell you for a long time to come." + +A lady who had been sitting on the piazza disappeared within the house, +and Adah followed her. + +"Now, mother," said Mr. Yocomb, "since thee did so little for friend +Morton's spiritual man, see what thee can do for the temporal. I'll +take the high seat this time, and can tell thee beforehand that +there'll be no silent meeting." + +"Father may seem to thee a little irreverent, but he doesn't mean to +be. It's his way," said his wife, with a smile. "If thee'll come with +me I'll show thee to a room where thee can rest and prepare for dinner." + +I followed her through a wide hall to a stairway that changed its mind +when half-way up and turned in an opposite direction. "It suggests the +freedom and unconventionality of this home," I thought, yielding to my +mood to idealize everything. + +"This is thy room so long as thee'll be pleased to stay with us," she +said, with a genial smile, and her ample form vanished from the doorway. + +I was glad to be alone. The shining tide of events was bearing me +almost too swiftly. "Can this be even the beginning of true love, since +it runs so smoothly?" I queried. And yet it had all come about so +simply and naturally, and for everything there was such adequate cause +and rational explanation, that I assured myself that I had reason for +self-congratulation rather than wonder. + +Having seen such a maiden, it would be strange indeed if I had not been +struck by her beauty. With an hour on my hands, and thoughts that +called no one master, it would have been stranger still if I had not +been beguiled into a dream which, in my need, promised so much that I +was now bent on its fulfilment. Kind Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb had but +carried out the teachings of their faith, and thus I was within the +home of one who, developing under the influences of such a mother and +such surroundings, would have the power beyond most other women of +creating another home. I naturally thought that here, in this lovely +and sheltered spot, and under just the conditions that existed, might +be perfected the simple, natural flower of womanhood that the +necessities of my life and character required. + +I was too eager to prove my theories, and too strongly under the +presentiment that my hour of destiny had come, to rest, and so gladly +welcomed the tinkle of the dinner-bell. + +The apparent mistress of my fate had not diminished her unconscious +power by exchanging her Sunday-morning costume for a light muslin, that +revealed more of her white throat than the strict canons of her sect +would warrant perhaps, but none too much for maidenly modesty and +artistic effect. Indeed, the gown harmonized with her somewhat worldly +hat. I regarded these tendencies as good omens, however, felicitating +myself with the thought that while her Quaker antecedents would always +give to her manner and garb a beautiful simplicity, they would not +trammel her taste with arbitrary custom. Though now more clearly +satisfied that the beauty of her full face by no means equalled that of +her profile, I was still far more than content with a perfection of +features that sustained a rigorous scrutiny. + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, "let me make thee acquainted with +Emily Warren." + +I turned and bowed to a young woman, who seemed very colorless and +unattractive to my brief glance, compared with the radiant creature +opposite me. It would appear that I made no very marked impression on +her either, for she chatted with little Zillah, who sat beyond her, and +with Reuben across the table, making no effort to secure my attention. + +If Mrs. Yocomb's powers as a spiritual provider were indicated by the +table she had spread for us, the old meetinghouse should be crowded +every Sunday, on the bare possibility that she might speak. From the +huge plate of roast-beef before her husband to the dainty dish of wild +strawberries on the sideboard, all was appetizing, and although it was +the day of my destiny, I found myself making a hearty meal. My +beautiful vis-a-vis evidently had no thoughts of destiny, and proved +that the rich blood which mantled her cheeks had an abundant and +healthful source. I liked that too. "There is no sentimental nonsense +about her," I thought, "and her views of life will never be dyspeptic." + +I longed to hear her talk, and yet was pleased that she was not +garrulous. Her father evidently thought that this was his hour and +opportunity, and he seasoned the ample repast with not a little homely +wit and humor, in which his wife would sometimes join, and again curb +and deprecate. + +I began to grow disappointed that the daughter did not manifest some of +her mother's quaint and genial good sense, or some sparkle and piquancy +that would correspond to her father's humor: but the few remarks she +made had reference chiefly to the people at the meeting, and verged +toward small gossip. + +I broached several subjects which I thought might interest her, but +could obtain little other response than "Yes," with a faint rising +inflection. After one of these unsuccessful attempts I detected a +slight, peculiar smile on Miss Warren's face. It was a mischievous +light in her dark eyes more than anything else. As she met my puzzled +look it vanished instantly, and she turned away. Everything in my +training and calling stimulated alertness, and I knew that smile was at +my expense. Why was she laughing at me? Had she, by an intuition, +divined my attitude of mind? A plague on woman's intuitions! What man +is safe a moment? + +But this could scarcely be, for the one toward whom my thoughts had +flown for the last three hours, and on whom I had bent glances that did +her royal homage, was serenely unconscious of my interest, or else +supremely indifferent to it. She did not seem unfriendly, and I +imagined that she harbored some curiosity in regard to me. My dress, +manner, and some slight personal allusions secured far more attention +than any abstract topic I could introduce. Her lips, however, were so +exquisitely chiselled that they made, for the time, any utterance +agreeable, and suggested that only tasteful thoughts and words could +come from them. + +"Now, mother," said Mr. Yocomb, leaning back in his chair after +finishing a generous cup of coffee, "I feel inclined to be a good +Christian man. I have a broad charity for about every one except +editors and politicians. I am a man of peace, and there can be no peace +while these disturbers of the body politic thrive by setting people by +the ears. I don't disparage the fare, mother, that thee gives us at the +meetinghouse, that is, when thee does give us any, but I do take my +affirmation that thee has prepared a gospel feast for us since we came +home that has refreshed my inner man. As long as I am in the body, +roast-beef and like creature comforts are a means of grace to me. I am +now in a contented frame of mind, and am quite disposed to be amiable. +Emily Warren, I can even tolerate thy music--nay, let me speak the +truth, I'd much like to hear some after my nap. Thee needn't shake thy +head at me, mother, I've caught thee listening, and if thee brings me +up before the meeting, I'll tell on thee. Does thee realize, Emily +Warren, that thee is leading us out of the straight and narrow way?" + +"I would be glad to lead you out of a narrow way," she replied, in a +tone so quiet and yet so rich that I was inclined to believe I had not +yet seen Miss Warren. Perhaps she saw that I was becoming conscious of +her existence, for I again detected the old mirthful light in her eyes. +Was I or Mr. Yocomb's remark the cause? + +Who was Emily Warren anyway, and why must she be at the farmhouse at a +time when I so earnestly wished "the coast clear?" The perverse world +at last was asserting its true self, and there was promise of a +disturbance in my shining tide. Moreover, I was provoked that the one +remark of this Emily Warren had point to it, while my perfect flower of +womanhood had revealed nothing definitely save a good appetite, and +that she had no premonitions that this was the day of her destiny. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +REALITY + + +"Father," said my fair ideal abruptly, as if a bright idea had just +struck her, "did thee notice that Friend Jones's rockaway had been +painted and all fixed up? I guess he rather liked our keeping him there +before all the meeting." + +"Mother, I hope thee'll be moved to preach about the charity that +thinketh no evil," said her father gravely. + +The young girl tossed her head slightly as she asserted, "Araminta +Jones liked it anyway. Any one could see that." + +"And any one need not have seen it also," her mother said, with a +pained look. Then she added, in a low aside, as we rose from the table, +"Thee certainly need not have spoken about thy friend's folly." + +The daughter apparently gave little heed to her mother's rebuke, and a +trivial remark a moment later proved that she was thinking of something +else. + +"Adah, thee can entertain Richard Morton for a time, while mother +attends to the things," said her father. + +The alacrity with which she complied was flattering at least, and she +led me out on the piazza, that corresponded with my day-dream. + +"Zillah," called Mrs. Tocomb to her little girl, "do not bother Emily +Warren. She may wish to be alone. Stay with Adah till I am through." + +"Oh, mother, please, let me go with Emily Warren. I never have a good +time with Adah." + +"There, mother, let her have her own way," said Adah, pettishly. "Emily +Warren, thee shouldn't pet her so if thee doesn't want to be bothered +by her." + +"She does not bother me at all," said Miss Warren quietly. "I like her." + +The little girl that had been ready to cry turned to her friend a +radiant face that was eloquent with the undisguised affection of +childhood. + +"Zillah evidently likes you, Miss Warren," I said, "and you have given +the reason. You like her." + +"Not always a sufficient reason for liking another," she answered. + +"But a very good one," I urged. + +"There are many better ones." + +"What has reason to do with liking, anyway?" I asked. + +The mirthfulness I had noted before glimmered in her eyes for a moment, +but she answered demurely, "I have seen instances that gave much point +to your question, but I cannot answer it," and with a slight bow and +smile she took her hat from Zillah and went down the path with an easy, +natural carriage, that nevertheless suggested the city and its +pavements rather than the country. + +"What were you two talking about?" asked Adah, with a trace of vexed +perplexity on her brow, for I imagined that my glance followed Miss +Warren with some admiration and interest. + +"You must have heard all we said." + +"Where was the point of it?" + +"What I said hadn't any point, so do not blame yourself for not seeing +it. Don't you like little Zillah? She seems a nice, quiet child." + +"Certainly I like her--she's my sister; but I detest children." + +"I can't think that you were detested when you were a child." + +"I don't remember: I might have been," she replied, with a slight shrug. + +"Do you think that, as a child, you would enjoy being detested?" + +"Mother says it often isn't good for us to have what we enjoy." + +"Undoubtedly your mother is right." + +"Well, I don't see things in that way. If I like a thing I want it, and +if I don't like it I don't want it, and won't have it if I can help +myself." + +"Your views are not unusual," I replied, turning away to hide my +contracting brow. "I know of others who cherish like sentiments." + +"Well, I'm glad to meet with one who thinks as I do," she said +complacently, and plucking a half-blown rose that hung near her, she +turned its petals sharply down as if they were plaits of a hem that she +was about to stitch. + +"Here is the first harmonic chord in the sweet congeniality of which I +dreamed," I inwardly groaned; but I continued, "How is it that you like +Zillah as your sister, and not as a little girl?" + +"Oh, everybody likes their brothers and sisters after a fashion, but +one doesn't care to be bothered with them when they are little. +Besides, children rumple and spoil my dress," and she looked down at +herself approvingly. + +"Now, there's Emily Warren," continued my "embodiment of June." "Mother +is beginning to hold her up to me as an example. Emily Warren is half +the time doing things that she doesn't like, and I think she's very +foolish. She is telling Zillah a story over there under that tree. I +don't think one feels like telling stories right after dinner." + +"Yes, but see how much Zillah enjoys the story." + +"Oh, of course she enjoys it. Why shouldn't she, if it's a good one?" + +"Is it not possible that Miss Warren finds a pleasure in giving +pleasure?" + +"Well, if she does, that is her way of having a good time." + +"Don't you think it's a sweet, womanly way?" + +"Ha, ha, ha! Are you already smitten with Emily Warren's sweet, womanly +ways?" + +I confess that I both blushed and frowned with annoyance and +disappointment, but I answered lightly, "If I were, would I be one +among many victims?" + +"I'm sure I don't know," she replied, with her slight characteristic +shrug, which also intimated that she didn't care. + +"Miss Warren, I suppose, is a relative who is visiting you?" + +"Oh, no, she is only a music teacher who is boarding with us. Mother +usually takes two or three boarders through the summer months, that is +if they are willing to put up with our ways." + +"I suppose it's correct to quote Scripture on Sunday afternoon. I'm +sure your mother's ways are those of pleasantness and peace. Do you +think she would take me as a boarder?" + +"I fear she'll think you would want too much city style." + +"That is just what I wish to escape from." + +"I think city style is splendid." + +"Why?" + +"Oh, the city is gay and full of life and people. I once took walks +down Fifth Avenue when making a visit in town, and I would be perfectly +happy if I could do so every day." + +"Perfectly happy? I wish I knew of something that would make me +perfectly happy. Pardon me, I am only a business man, and can't be +expected to understand young ladies very well. I don't understand why +walking down Fifth Avenue daily would make you happy." + +"Of course not. A man can't understand a girl's feelings in such +matters." + +"There is nothing in New York so beautiful as this June day in the +country." + +"Yes, it's a nice day: but father says we need more rain dreadfully." + +"You have spoiled your rose." + +"There are plenty more." + +"Don't you like roses?" + +"Certainly. Who does not like roses?" + +"Let me give you another. See, here is one that has the hue of your +cheeks." + +"I suppose a city pallor like Emily Warren's is more to your taste." + +"I am wholly out of humor with the city, and I do not like that which +is colorless and insipid. I think the rose I have just given you very +beautiful." + +"Thanks for your roundabout compliment," and she looked pleased. + +"I suppose your quiet life gives you much time for reading?" + +"I can't say that I enjoy father and mother's books." + +"I doubt whether I would myself, but you have your own choice?" + +"I read a story now and then; but time slips away; and I don't do much +reading. We country girls make our own clothes, and you have no idea +how much time it takes." + +"Will you forgive me if I say that I think you make yours very +prettily?" + +Again she looked decidedly pleased; and, as if to reward me, she +fastened the rose on her bosom. "If she would only keep still," I +thought, "and I could simply look at her as at a draped statue, I could +endure another half-hour; but every word she speaks is like the note of +that catbird which broke the spell of harmony this morning. I have not +yet seen a trace of ideality in her mind. Not a lovable trait have I +discovered beyond her remarkable beauty, which mocks one with its +broken promise. What is the controlling yet perverse principle of her +life which makes her seem an alien in her own home? I am glad she does +not use the plain language to me, since by nature she is not a Friend." + +Miss Yocomb interrupted my thoughts by saying: + +"I thought my dress would be much too simple and country-like for your +taste. I can see myself that Emily Warren's dress has more style." + +Resolving to explore a little, I said: + +"I know a great many men in town." + +"Indeed!" she queried, with kindling interest. + +"Yes, and some of them are fine artists; and the majority have +cultivated their tastes in various ways, both at home and abroad: but I +do not think many of them have any respect for what you mean by +'style.' Shop-boys, clerks, and Fifth Avenue exquisites give their +minds to the arbitrary mode of the hour; but the men in the city who +amount to anything rarely know whether a lady's gown is of the latest +cut. They do know, however, whether it is becoming and lady-like. The +solid men of the city have a keen eye for beauty, and spend hundreds of +thousands of dollars to enjoy its various phases. But half of the time +they are anathematizing mere style. I have seen fashion transform a +pretty girl into as near an approach to a kangaroo as nature permitted. +Now, I shall be so bold as to say that I think your costume this +afternoon has far better qualities than mere style. It is becoming, and +in keeping with the day and season, and I don't care a fig whether it +is the style or not." + +My "perfect flower of womanhood" grew radiant, and her lips parted in a +smile of ineffable content. In bitter disappointment I saw that my +artifice had succeeded, and that I had touched the key-note of her +being. To my horror, she reminded me of a pleased, purring kitten that +had been stroked in the right direction. + +"Your judgment is hasty and harsh," I charged myself, in half-angry +accusation, loth to believe the truth. "You do not know yet that a +compliment to her dress is the most acceptable one that she can +receive. She probably takes it as a tribute to her good taste, which is +one of woman's chief prerogatives." + +I resolved to explore farther, and continued: + +"A lady's dress is like the binding of a book--it ought to be +suggestive of her character. Indeed, she can make it a tasteful +expression of herself. Our eye is often attracted or repelled by a +book's binding. When it has been made with a fine taste, so that it +harmonizes with the subject under consideration, we are justly pleased; +but neither you nor I believe in the people who value books for the +sake of their covers only. Beauty and richness of thought, treasures of +varied truth, sparkling wit, droll humor, or downright earnestness are +the qualities in books that hold our esteem. A book must have a soul +and life of its own as truly as you or I; and the costliest materials, +the wealth of a kingdom, cannot make a true book any more than a +perfect costume and the most exquisite combination of flesh and blood +can make a true woman." (I wondered if she were listening to me; for +her face was taking on an absent look. Conscious that my homily was +growing rather long, I concluded.) "The book that reveals something +new, or puts old truths in new and interesting lights--the book that +makes us wiser, that cheers, encourages, comforts, amuses, and makes a +man forget his stupid, miserable self, is the book we tie to. And so a +man might well wish himself knotted to a woman who could do as much for +him, and he would naturally be pleased to have her outward garb +correspond with her spiritual beauty and worth." + +My fair ideal had also reached a momentous conclusion, for she said, +with the emphasis of a final decision: + +"I won't cut that dress after Emily Warren's pattern. I'll cut it to +suit myself." + +I had been falling from a seventh heaven of hope for some time, but at +this moment I struck reality with a thump that almost made me sick and +giddy. The expression of my face reminded her of the irrelevancy of her +remark, and she blushed slightly, but laughed it off, saying: + +"Pardon me, that I followed my own thoughts for a moment rather than +yours. These matters, no doubt, seem mere trifles to you gentlemen, but +they are weighty questions to us girls who have to make a little go a +great way. Won't you, please, repeat what you said about that lady who +wrote a book for the sake of its binding? I think it's a pretty idea." + +I was so incensed that I answered as I should not have done. "She was +remarkably successful. Every one looked at the binding, but were soon +satisfied to look no farther." + +I was both glad and vexed that she did not catch my meaning, for she +said, with a smile: + +"It would make a pretty ornament." + +"It would not be to my taste," I replied briefly. "The beautiful +binding would hold out the promise of a good book, which, not being +fulfilled, would be tantalizing." + +"Do you know the lady well?" + +"Yes, I fear I do." + +"How strangely you look at me!" + +"Excuse me," I said, starting. "I fear I followed your example and was +thinking of something else." + +But I let what I was thinking about slip out. + +"It was indeed a revelation. My thoughts will not interest you, I fear. +The experience of a man who saw a mirage in the desert came into my +mind." + +"I don't see what put that into your head." + +"Nor do I, now. The world appears to me entirely matter-of-fact." + +"I'm glad to hear you say that. Mother is always talking to me about +spiritual meanings and all that. Now I agree with you. Things are just +what they are. Some we like, and some we don't like. What more is there +to say about them? I think people are very foolish if they bother +themselves over things or people they don't like. I hope mother will +take you to board, for I would like to have some one in the house who +looks at things as I do." + +"Thanks. Woman's intuition is indeed unerring." + +"I declare, there comes Silas Jones with his new top-buggy. You won't +mind his making one of our party, will you?" + +"I think I will go to my room and rest awhile, and thus I shall not be +that chief of this world's evils--the odious third party." And I rose +decisively. + +"I'd rather you wouldn't go," she said. "I don't care specially for +him, and he does not talk half so nicely as you do. You needn't go on +his account. Indeed, I like to have half a dozen gentlemen around me." + +"You are delightfully frank." + +"Yes, I usually say what I think." + +"And do as you please," I added. + +"Certainly. Why shouldn't I when I can? Don't you?" + +"But I came from the wicked city." "So does Emily Warren." + +"Is she wicked?" + +"I don't know; she keeps it to herself if she is; and, by the way, she +is very quiet, I can never get her to talk much about herself. She +appears so good that mother is beginning to quote her as an example, +and that, you know, always makes one detest a person. I think there is +some mystery about her. I'm sorry you will go, for I've lots of +questions I'd like to ask you now we are acquainted." + +"Pardon me; I'm not strong, and must have a rest. Silas Jones will +answer just as well." + +"Not quite," she said softly, with a smile designed to be bewitching. + +As I passed up the hall I heard her say, "Silas Jones, I'm pleased to +see thee." + +I threw myself on the lounge in my room in angry disgust. + +"O Nature!" I exclaimed, "what excuse have you for such perverseness? +By every law of probability--by the ordinary sequence of cause and +effect--this girl should have been what I fancied her to be. This, +then, forsooth, is the day of my fate! It would be the day of doom did +some malicious power chain me to this brainless, soulless, heartless +creature. What possessed Nature to make such a blunder, to begin so +fairly and yet reach such a lame and impotent conclusion? To the eye +the girl is the fair and proper outcome of this home and beautiful +country life. In reality she is a flat contradiction to it all, +reversing in her own character the native traits and acquired graces of +her father and mother. + +"As if controlled and carried forward by a hidden and malign power, she +goes steadily against her surrounding influences that, like the winds +of heaven, might have wafted her toward all that is good and true. Is +not sweet, quaint Mrs. Yocomb her mother? Is not the genial, hearty old +gentleman her father? Has she not developed among scenes that should +ennoble her nature, and enrich her mind with ideality? There is +Oriental simplicity and largeness in her parents' faith. Abraham +sitting at the door of his tent, could scarcely have done better. Hers +is the simplicity of silliness, which reveals what a woman of sense, +though no better than herself, would not speak of. It is exasperating +to think that her eyes and fingers are endowed with a sense of harmony +and beauty, so that she can cut a gown and adorn her lovely person to +perfection, and yet be so idiotic as to make a spectacle of herself in +her real womanhood. As far as I can make out, Nature is more to blame +than the girl. There is not a bat blinking in the sunlight more blind +than she to every natural beauty of this June day; and yet her eyes are +microscopic, and she sees a host of little things not worth seeing. A +true womanly moral nature seems never to have been infused into her +being. She detests children, her little sister shrinks from her; she +speaks and surmises evil of the absent; to strut down Fifth Avenue in +finery, to which she has given her whole soul, is her ideal of +happiness--there, stop! She is the daughter of my kind host and +hostess. The mystery of this world's evil is sadly exemplified in her +defective character, from which sweet, true womanliness was left out. I +should pity her, and treat her as if she were deformed. Poor Mrs. +Yocomb! Even mother-love cannot blind her to the truth that her fair +daughter is a misshapen creature." After a little, I added wearily, "I +wish I had never seen her; I am the worse for this day's mirage," and I +closed my eyes in dull apathy. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +MUTUAL DISCOVERIES + + +I must have slept for an hour or more, for when I awoke I saw through +the window-lattice that the sun was declining in the west. Sleep had +again proved better than all philosophy or medicine, for it had +refreshed me and given something of the morning's elasticity. + +I naturally indulged in a brief retrospect, conscious that while +nothing had happened, since the croaking printer's remark, that I would +care to print in the paper, experiences had occurred that touched me +closer than would the news that all the Malays of Asia were running +amuck. I felt as if thrown back on to my old life and work in precisely +their old form. My expedition into the country and romance had been +disappointing. It is true I had found rest and sleep, and for these I +was grateful, and with these stanch allies I can go on with my work, +which I now believe is the best thing the world has for me. I shall go +back to it to-morrow, well content, after this day's experience, to +make it my mistress. The bare possibility of being yoked to such a +woman as in fancy I have wooed and won to-day makes me shiver with +inexpressible dread. Her obtuseness, combined with her microscopic +surveillance, would drive me to the nearest madhouse I could find. The +whole business of love-making and marriage involves too much risk to a +man who, like myself, must use his wits as a sword to carve his +fortunes. I've fought my way up alone so far, and may as well remain a +free lance. The wealthy, and those who are content to plod, can go +through life with a woman hanging on their arm. Rich I shall never be, +and I'll die before I'll plod. My place is in the midst of the world's +arena, where the forces that shall make the future are contending, and +I propose to be an appreciable part of those forces. I shall go back +the wiser and stronger for this day's folly, and infinitely better for +its rest, and I marched down the moody stairway, feeling that I was not +yet a crushed and broken man, and cherishing also a secret complacency +that I had at last outgrown my leanings toward sentimentality. + +As I approached the door of the wide, low-browed parlor, I saw Miss +Warren reading a paper; a second later and my heart gave a bound: it +was the journal of which I was the night editor, and I greeted its +familiar aspect as the face of an old friend in a foreign land. It was +undoubtedly the number that had gone to press the night I had broken +down, and I almost hoped to see some marks of the catastrophe in its +columns. How could I beguile the coveted sheet from Miss Warren's hands +and steal away to a half-hour's seclusion? + +"What! Miss Warren," I exclaimed, "reading a newspaper on Sunday?" + +She looked at me a moment before replying, and then asked: + +"Do you believe in a Providence?" + +Thrown off my guard by the unexpected question, I answered: + +"Assuredly; I am not quite ready to admit that I am a fool, even after +all that has happened." + +There was laughter in her eyes at once, but she asked innocently: + +"What has happened?" + +I suppose my color rose a little, but I replied carelessly, "I have +made some heavy blunders of late. You are adroit in stealing away from +a weak position under a fire of questions, but your stratagem shall not +succeed," I continued severely. "How can you explain the fact, too +patent to be concealed, that here in good Mrs. Yocomb's house, and on a +Sunday afternoon, you are reading a secular newspaper?" + +"You have explained my conduct yourself," she said, assuming a fine +surprise. + +"I?" + +"You, and most satisfactorily. You said you believed in a Providence. I +have merely been reading what he has done, or what he has permitted, +within the last twenty-four hours." + +I looked around for a chair, and sat down "struck all of a heap," as +the rural vernacular has it. + +"Is that your definition of news?" I ventured at last. + +"I'm not a dictionary. That's the definition of what I've been reading +this afternoon." + +"Miss Warren, you may score one against me." + +The mischievous light was in her eyes, but she said suavely: + +"Oh, no, you shall have another chance. I shall begin by showing mercy, +for I may need it, and I see that you can be severe." + +"Well, please, let me take breath and rally my shattered wits before I +make another advance. I understand you, then, that you regard +newspapers as good Sunday reading?" + +"You prove your ability, Mr. Morton, by drawing a vast conclusion from +a small and ill-defined premise. I don't recall making any such +statement." + +"Pardon me, you are at disadvantage now. I ask for no better premise +than your own action; for you are one, I think, who would do only what +you thought right." + +"A palpable hit. I'm glad I showed you mercy. Still it does not follow +that because I read a newspaper, all newspapers are good Sunday +reading. Indeed, there is much in this paper that is not good reading +for Monday or any other day." + +"Ah!" I exclaimed, looking grave, "then why do you read it?" + +"I have not. A newspaper is like the world of which it is a brief +record--full of good and evil. In either case, if one does not like the +evil, it can be left alone." + +"Which do you think predominates in that paper?" + +"Oh, the good, in the main. There is an abundance of evil, too, but it +is rather in the frank and undisguised record of the evil in the world. +It does not seem to have got into the paper's blood and poisoned its +whole life. It is easily skipped if one is so inclined. There are some +journals in which the evil cannot be skipped. From the leading +editorial to the obscurest advertisement, one stumbles on it +everywhere. They are like certain regions in the South, in which there +is no escape from the snakes and malaria. Now there are low places in +this paper, but there is high ground also, where the air is good and +wholesome, and where the outlook on the world is wide. That is the +reason I take it." + +"I was not aware that many young ladies looked, in journals of this +character, beyond the record of deaths and marriages." + +"We studied ancient history. Is it odd that we should have a faint +desire to know what Americans are doing, as well as what the +Babylonians did?" + +"Oh, I do not decry your course as irrational. It seems +rather--rather--" + +"Rather too rational for a young lady." + +"I did not say that; but here is my excuse," and I took from a table +near a periodical entitled "The Young Lady's Own Weekly," addressed to +Miss Adah Yocomb. + +"Have not young men their own weeklies also--which of the two classes +is the more weakly?" + +"Ahem! I decline to pursue this phase of the subject any further. To +return to our premise, this journal," and I laid my hand on the old +paper caressingly. "It so happens that I read it also, and thus learn +that we have had many thoughts in common; though, no doubt, we would +differ on some of the questions discussed in it. What do you think of +its politics?" + +"I think they are often very bad." + +"That's delightfully frank," I said, sitting back in my chair a little +stiffly. "I think they are very good--at any rate they are mine." + +"Perhaps that is the reason they are so good?" + +"Now, pardon me if I, too, am a trifle plain. Do you consider yourself +as competent to form an opinion concerning politics as gray-headed +students of affairs?" + +"Oh, certainly not; but do I understand that you accept, +unquestioningly, the politics of the paper you read?" + +"Far from it: rather that the politics of this paper commend themselves +to my judgment." + +"And you think 'judgment' an article not among a young woman's +possessions?" + +"Miss Warren, you may think what you please of the politics of this +paper. But how comes it that you think about them at all? I'm sure that +they interest but comparatively few young ladies." + +Her face suddenly became very grave and sad, and a moment later she +turned away her eyes that were full of tears. "I wish you hadn't asked +that question; but I will explain my seeming weakness," she said, in a +low, faltering voice. "I lost my only brother in the war--I was +scarcely more than a child; but I can see him now--my very ideal of +brave, loyal manhood. Should I not love the country for which he died?" + +Politics! a word that men so often utter with contempt, has been +hallowed to me since that moment. + +She looked away for a moment, swiftly pressed her handkerchief to her +eyes, then turning toward me said, with a smile, and in her former +tones: + +"Forgive me! I've been a bit lonely and blue this afternoon, for the +day has reminded me of the past. I won't be weak and womanish any more. +I think some political questions interest a great many women deeply. It +must be so. We don't dote on scrambling politicians; but a man as a +true statesman makes a grand figure." + +I was not thinking of statecraft or the craftsmen. + +"By Jove!" I exclaimed mentally, "this girl is more beautiful than my +'perfect flower of womanhood.' Night-owl that I am, I am just gaining +the power to see her clearly as the sun declines." + +I know my face was full of honest sympathy as I said, gently and +reverently: + +"Tell me more of your brother. The thoughts of such men make me better." + +She shot a quick, grateful glance, looked down, trembled, shook her +head as she faltered: + +"I cannot--please don't; speak of something far removed." + +The feeling was so deep, and yet so strongly curbed, that its +repression affected me more deeply than could its manifestation. Her +sorrow became a veiled and sacred mystery of which I could never be +wholly unconscious again; and I felt that however strong and brilliant +she might prove in our subsequent talk, I should ever see, back of all, +the tender-hearted, sensitive woman. + +"Please forgive me. I was cruelly thoughtless," I said, in a voice that +trembled slightly. Then, catching up the paper, I continued, with +attempted lightness, "We have found this journal, that we mutually +read, a fruitful theme. What do you think of its literary reviews?" + +Mirth and tears struggled for the mastery in her eyes; but she +answered, with a voice that had regained its clear, bell-like tone: + +"In some I have seen indisputable proof of impartiality and freedom +from prejudice." + +"In what did that proof consist?" + +"In the evident fact that the reviewer had not read the book." + +"You are severe," I said, coloring slightly. + +She looked at me with a little surprise, but continued: + +"That does not happen very often. It is clear that there are several +contributors to this department, and I have come to look for the +opinions of one of them with much interest. I am sure of a careful and +appreciative estimate of a book from his point of view. His one fault +appears to be that he sees everything from one perspective, and does +not realize that the same thing may strike other intelligent people +very differently. But he's a fixed and certain quantity, and a good +point to measure from. I like him because he is so sincere. He sits +down to a book as a true scientist does to a phase of nature, to really +learn what there is in it, and not merely to display a little learning, +sarcasm, or smartness. I always feel sure that I know something about a +book after reading one of his reviews, and also whether I could afford +to spend a part of my limited time in reading it." + +"I have singled out the same reviewer, and think your estimate correct. +On another occasion, when we have more time, I am going to ask how you +like the musical critic's opinions; for on that subject you would be at +home." + +"What makes you think so?" + +"Miss Yocomb told me that you taught music in the city, and music is +about the only form of recreation for which I have taken time in my +busy life. There are many things concerning the musical tendencies of +the day that I would like to ask you about. But I hear the clatter of +the supper dishes. What do you think of the editorial page, and its +moral tendencies? That is a good Sunday theme." + +"There is evidence of much ability, but there is a lack of earnestness +and definite purpose. The paper is newsy and bright, and, in the main, +wholesome. It reflects public opinion fairly and honestly, but does +little to shape it. It is often spicily controversial, sometimes +tiresomely so. I do a good deal of skipping in that line. I wish its +quarrels resulted more from efforts to right some wrong; and there is +so much evil in our city, both in high and low places, that ought to be +fought to the death. The editor has exceptional opportunities, and +might be the knight-errant of our age. If in earnest, and on the right +side, he can forge a weapon out of public opinion that few evils could +resist. And he is in just the position to discover these dragons and +drive them from their hiding-places. If, for instance, the clever +paragraphist in this column, whose province, it seems, is to comment at +the last moment on the events of the day, were as desirous of saying +true, strong, earnest words, as bright and prophetic ones, in which the +news of the morrow is also outlined-why, Mr. Morton, what is the +matter?" + +"Are you a witch?" + +She looked at me a moment, blushed deeply, and asked hesitatingly: + +"Are-are you the paragraphist?" + +"Yes," I said, with a burst of laughter, "as truly as yours is the only +witchcraft in which I believe-that of brains." Then putting my finger +on my lips, I added, _sotto voce_: "Don't betray me. Mr. Yocomb would +set all his dogs on me if he knew I were an editor, and I don't wish to +go yet." + +"What have I been saying!" she exclaimed, with an appalled look. + +"Lots of clever things. I never got so many good hints in the same time +before." + +"It wasn't fair in you, to lead me on in the dark." + +"Oh, there wasn't any 'dark,' I assure you. Your words were +coruscations. Never was the old journal so lighted up before." + +There were both perplexity and annoyance in her face as she looked +dubiously at me. Instantly becoming grave, I stepped to her side and +took her hand, as I said, with the strongest emphasis: + +"Miss Warren, I thank you. I have caught a glimpse of my work and +calling through the eyes of a true, refined, and, permit me to add, a +gifted woman. I think I shall be the better for it, but will make no +professions. If I'm capable of improvement this column will show it." + +Her hand trembled in mine as she looked away and said: + +"You are capable of sympathy." + +Then she went hastily to the piano. + +Before she could play beyond a bar or two, little Zillah bounded in, +exclaiming: + +"Emily Warren, mother asks if thee and Richard Morton will come out to +tea?" + +"I may be in error, but is not a piano one of the worldly vanities?" I +asked, as she turned to comply. "I did not expect to see one here." + +"Mrs. Yocomb kindly took this in with me. I could scarcely live without +one, so you see I carry the shop with me everywhere, and am so linked +to my business that I can never be above it." + +"I hope not, but you carry the business up with you. The shop may be, +and ought to be, thoroughly respectable. It is the narrow, mercenary +spirit of the shop that is detestable. If you had that, you would leave +your piano in New York, since here it would have no money value." + +"You take a nice view of it." + +"Is it not the true view?" + +In mock surprise she answered: + +"Mr. Morton, I'm from New York. Did you ever meet a lady from that city +who was not all that the poets claimed for womanhood?" + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +A QUAKER TEA + + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb genially, "thee seems listening very +intently to something Emily Warren is saying, so thee may take that +seat beside her." + +"Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb from the head of the table, "has thee +made the acquaintance of Emily Warren?" + +"No, sir, but I am making it." + +"So am I, and she has been here a week." + +"I should esteem that one of the highest of compliments," I said; then +turning to her, I added, in an aside, "You found me out in half an +hour." + +"Am I such a sphinx?" she asked Mr. Yocomb with a smile; while to me +she said, in a low tone: "You are mistaken. You have had something to +say to me almost daily for a year or more." + +"I am not acquainted with the article, and so can't give an opinion," +Mr. Yocomb replied, with a humorous twinkle in his eye. "If the +resemblance is close, so much the better for the sphinxes." + +"Now, father, thee isn't a young man that thee should be complimenting +the girls," his wife remarked. + +"I've persuaded Silas Jones to stay," said Adah, entering. + +"Silas Jones, I hope thee and thy parents are well," Mrs. Yocomb +answered, with a courtesy somewhat constrained. "Will thee take that +seat by Adah? Let me make thee acquainted with Richard Morton and Emily +Warren." + +We bowed, but I turned instantly to Miss Warren and said. + +"Do you note how delightfully Mrs. Yocomb unites our names? I take it +as an omen that we may become friends in spite of my shortcomings. You +should have been named first in the order of merit." + +"Mrs. Yocomb rarely makes mistakes," she replied. + +"That confirms my omen." + +"Omens are often ominous." + +"I'm prepared for the best." + +"Hush!" and she bowed her head in the grace customary before meals in +this house. + +I had noted that Mr. Yocomb's bow to Mr. Jones was slightly formal +also. Remembering the hospitable traits of my host and hostess, I +concluded that the young man was not exactly to their taste. Indeed, a +certain jauntiness in dress that verged toward flashiness would not +naturally predispose them in his favor. But Adah, although disclaiming +any special interest in him, seemed pleased with his attentions. She +was not so absorbed, however, but that she had an eye for me, and +expected my homage also. She apparently felt that she had made a very +favorable impression on me, and that we were congenial spirits. During +the half hour that followed I felt rather than saw that this fact +amused Miss Warren exceedingly. + +For a few moments we sat in silence, but I fear my grace was as +graceless as my morning worship had been. Miss Warren's manner was +reverent. Were her thoughts also wandering? and whither? She certainly +held mine, and by a constraint that was not unwelcome. + +When she lifted her expressive eyes I concluded that she had done +better than merely comply with a religious custom. + +"The spirit of this home has infected you," I said. + +"It might be well for you also to catch the infection." + +"I know it would be well for me, and wish to expose myself to it to the +utmost. You are the only obstacle I fear." + +"I?" + +"Yes. I will explain after supper." + +"To explain that you have good cause to ask for time," + +"Richard Morton, does thee like much sugar in thy tea?" Mrs. Yocomb +asked. + +"No-yes, none at all, if you please." + +My hostess looked at me a little blankly, and Adah and Silas Jones +giggled. + +"A glass of milk will help us both out of our dilemma," I said, with a +laugh. + +"An editor should be able to think of two things at once," Miss Warren +remarked, in a low aside. + +"That depends on the subject of his thoughts. But don't breathe that +word here, or I'm undone." + +"Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb, "I hope thee feels the better for +mother's ministrations since we came home. Will thee pass thy plate for +some more of the same kind?" + +"Mrs. Yocomb has done me good ever since I followed her into the +meeting-house," I replied. "I am indeed the better for her dinner, and +I ought to be. I feared you would all be aghast at the havoc I made. +But it is your kindness and hospitality that have done me the most +good, I would not have believed yesterday afternoon that my fortunes +could have taken so favorable a turn." + +"Why, what was the matter with you then?" asked Adah, with wide-eyed +curiosity; and little Zillah looked at me with a pitying and puzzled +glance. + +"A common complaint in the city. I was committing suicide, and +yesterday became conscious of the fact." + +"Mr. Morton must have hit on an agreeable method of suicide, since he +could commit it unconsciously," Miss Warren remarked mischievously. "I +read in Emily Warren's newspaper this afternoon," said Silas Jones, +with awkward malice, "of a young fellow who got a girl to marry him by +pretending to commit suicide. He didn't hurt himself much though." + +The incident amused Adah exceedingly, and I saw that Miss Warren's eyes +were full of laughter. Assuming a shocked expression, I said: + +"I am surprised that Miss Warren takes a paper so full of insidious +evil." Then, with the deepest gravity, I remarked to Silas Jones, "I +have recently been informed, sir, on good authority, that each one +instinctively finds and reads in a newspaper that which he likes or +needs. I sincerely hope, my dear sir, that the example you have quoted +will not lead you to adopt a like method." + +Adah laughed openly to her suitor's confusion, and the mouths of the +others were twitching. With the complexion of the rose at his +button-hole Mr. Jones said, a trifle vindictively: + +"I thought the paragraph might refer to you, sir, you seem so slightly +hurt." + +"I don't like to contradict you, but I cannot be this ingenious youth +whose matrimonial enterprise so deeply interests you, since I am not +married, and I was hurt severely." + +"Thee had been overworking," said Mrs. Yocomb kindly. + +"Working foolishly rather. I thought I had broken down, but sleep and +your kindness have so revived me that I scarcely know myself. Are you +accustomed to take in tramps from New York?" + +"That depends somewhat upon the tramps. I think the right leadings are +given us." + +"If good leadings constitute a Friend, I am one to-day, for I have been +led to your home." "Now I'm moved to preach a little," said Mr. Yocomb. +"Richard Morton, does thee realize the sin and folly of overwork? If +thee works for thyself it is folly. If thee toils for the good of the +world, and art able to do the world any good, it is sin; if there are +loved ones dependent on thee, thee may do them a wrong for which there +is no remedy. Thee looks to me like a man who has been over-doing." + +"Unfortunately there is no one dependent on me, and I fear I have not +had the world's welfare very greatly at heart. I have learned that I +was becoming my own worst enemy, and so must plead guilty of folly." + +"Well, thee doesn't look as if thee had sinned away thy day of grace +yet. If thee'll take roast-beef and common-sense as thy medicine, +thee'll see my years and vigor." + +"Richard Morton," said his wife, with a gentle gravity, "never let any +one make thee believe that thee has sinned away thy day of grace." + +"Mother, thee's very weak on the 'terrors of the law.' Thee's always +for coaxing the transgressors out of the broad road. Thee's +latitudinarian; now!" + +"And thee's a little queer, father." + +"Emily Warren, am I queer?" + +"You are very sound and sensible in your advice to Mr. Morton," she +replied. "One may very easily sin against life and health beyond the +point of remedy. I should judge from Mr. Morton's words that he is in +danger." + +"Now, mother, thee sees that Emily Warren believes in the terrors of +the law." + +"Thee wouldn't be a very good one at enforcing them, Emily," said Mrs. +Yocomb, nodding her head smilingly toward her favorite. + +"The trouble is," said Miss Warren a little sadly, "that some laws +enforce themselves. I know of so many worn-out people in New York, both +men and women, that I wish that Mr. Yocomb's words were printed at the +head of ail our leading newspapers." + +"Yes," said Mr. Yocomb, "if editors and newspaper writers were only as +eager to quiet the people as they are to keep up the hubbub of the +world, they might make their calling a useful one. It almost takes away +my breath to read some of our great journals." + +"Do you not think laziness the one pre-eminent vice of the world?" +tasked. + +"Not of native-born Americans. I think restlessness, nervous activity, +is the vice of our age. I am out of the whirl, and can see it all the +more clearly. Thee admits that thy city life was killing thee--I know +it would kill me in a month." + +"I would like to have a chance to be killed by it," said Adah, with a +sigh. + +"Thy absence would be fatal to some in the country," I heard Silas +Jones remark, and with a look designed to be very reproachful. + +"Don't tell me that. Melissa Bunting would soon console thee." + +"Thee stands city life quite well, Emily," said Mrs. Yocomb. + +"Yes, better than I once did. I am learning how to live there and still +enjoy a little of your quiet; but were it not for my long summers in +the country I fear it would go hard with me also." + +"You have suggested my remedy," I said. "My business does not permit +much chance for rest, unless it is taken resolutely; and, like many +other sinners, I have great reforms in contemplation." + +"It must be a dreadful business that came so near killing you," Adah +remarked, looking at me curiously. "What can it be?" + +Mrs. Yocomb glanced at her daughter reprovingly, but Miss Warren's eyes +were dancing, and I saw she was enjoying my rather blank look immensely. + +T decided, however, that honesty and audacity would be my best allies, +and at the same time I hoped to punish Adah a little through her +curiosity. + +"I must admit that it is a dreadful business. Deeds of darkness occupy +much of my time; and when good, honest men, like your father, are +asleep, my brain, and hand are busiest. Now you see what a suspicious +character your father and mother have harbored in their unquestioning +hospitality." + +The young lady looked at me with a thoroughly perplexed and half +alarmed expression. + +"My gracious!" she exclaimed. "What do you do?" + +"You do not look as if 'inclined to mercy,'" I replied. "Mr. Yocomb and +Miss Warren believe in the terrors of the law, so I have decided to +make a full confession to Mrs. Yocomb after supper. I think that I am +one of the 'transgressors' that she could 'coax.'" + +After a momentary and puzzled glance at my laughing critic, Mrs. Yocomb +said: + +"Emily Warren knows thy secret." + +"So you have told Emily Warren, but will not tell us," Adah complained, +in a piqued tone and manner. + +"Indeed, you are mistaken. Miss Warren found me out by intuition. I am +learning that there is no occasion to tell her things: she sees them." + +Mr. Yocomb's face wore a decidedly puzzled look, and contained also the +suggestion of an apt guess. + +"Well," he said, "thee has shown the shrewdness of an editor, and a +Yankee one at that." + +Miss Warren now laughed outright. + +"Thee thinks," he continued, "that if thee gets mother on thy side +thee's safe. I guess I'll adopt a common editorial policy, and sit +safely on the fence till I hear what mother says to thy confession." + +"Are you laughing at me?" I asked Miss Warren, with an injured air. + +"To think that one of your calling should have got into such a +dilemma!" she said, in a low tone. "It's delicious!" + +"My cheeks may become bronzed, but never brazen, Miss Warren. My +guilelessness should touch your sympathies." + +"Well," said Adah, with rather a spiteful look at Miss Warren, "I'm +glad I've not got a prying disposition. I talked with you half the +afternoon and did not find you out." + +Even Mrs. Yocomb laughed at this. + +"Now, Miss Warren," I said, turning to her with a triumphant look, "I +hope you feel properly quenched." + +"Is there any record of your crime, or misfortune, or whatever it may +be, in Miss Warren's newspaper?" asked Silas Jones, with a slight sneer. + +"Yes, sir, of both, if the truth must be told," I replied. "That is the +way she found me out." + +This unexpected admission increased the perplexity all around, and also +added to Miss Warren's merriment. + +"Where is the paper?" said Adah, quickly. + +At this peculiar proof of his daughter's indifference Mr. Yocomb fairly +exploded with laughter. He seemingly shared his wife's confidence in +Miss Warren to that degree that the young lady's knowledge of my +business, combined with her manner, was a guarantee against anything +seriously wrong. Moreover, the young girl's laugh was singularly +contagious. Its spontaneity and heartiness were irresistible, and I +feared that her singing would not be half so musical. + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, rising, "if thee wishes to free thy +mind, or conscience, or heart, I will now give thee an opportunity." + +"My fate is in your hands. If you send me back to my old life and work +I will go at once." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Miss Warren, in mock gravity, "now there is a touch of +tragedy in your words. Must we all hold our breaths till you return, +absolved or condemned?" + +"And were I condemned would you breathe freely?" + +"Yes, indeed I would, if Mrs. Yocomb condemned you. But after my sense +of justice was satisfied I might be moved to pity." + +"And you think I may become a pitiable object?" + +"You would be, indeed, if Mrs. Yocomb condemned you." + +"Lead on," I exclaimed, with a gesture of mock tragedy; "this is the +hour of destiny." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +A FRIEND + + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, as she sat down encouragingly near +me in the low-studded parlor, "thee does not look into my eyes as if +thee had a great burden on thy conscience." + +"I have a great fear in my heart," I said. + +"The two should go together," she remarked a little gravely; "and +strength will be given thee to cast away both." + +The spirit of jesting left me at once, and I know that I looked into +her kind motherly face very wistfully and appealingly. After a moment I +asked: + +"Mrs. Yocomb, did you ever treat an utter stranger so kindly before?" + +"I think so," she said, with a smile. "Emily Warren came to us an +entire stranger and we already love her very much." + +"I can understand that. Miss Warren is a genuine woman--one after your +own heart. I was not long in finding that out. But I am a man of the +world, and you must have noted the fact from the first." + +"Richard Morton, supposing thee is a sinner above all others in +Galilee, where do I find a warrant for the 'I am better than thou' +spirit?" + +She said these words so gently and sincerely that they touched my very +soul, and I exclaimed: + +"If evil had been my choice a thousand years, you might me from it." + +She shook her head gravely as she said: + +"Thee doesn't understand. Weak is the arm of flesh." + +"But kindness and charity are omnipotent." + +"Yes, if thee turns to Omnipotence for them. But far be it from me to +judge thee, Richard Morton. Because thee does not walk just where I am +walking is no proof that thou art not a pilgrim." + +"I must tell you in all sincerity that I am not. My brain, heart, and +soul have been absorbed by the world, and not by its best things +either. Fifteen years ago, when scarcely more than a child, I was left +alone in it. I have feared it inexpressibly, and with good reason. I +have fought it, and have often been worsted. At times I have hated it; +but as I began to succeed I learned to love it, and to serve it with an +ambition that gave me so little respite that yesterday I thought that I +was a broken and worn-out man. If ever the world had a slave, I am one; +but there have been times during this June day when I earnestly wished +that I might break my chains; and your serene, kindly face, that is in +such blessed contrast to its shrewd, exacting, and merciless spirit, +gave hope from the first." + +"So thee has been alone in the world since thee was a little boy," she +said, in a tone that seemed the echo of my dead mother's voice. + +"Since I was twelve years of age," I replied, after a moment, and +looking away. I could not meet her kind eyes as I added: "My mother's +memory has been the one good, sacred influence of my life; but I have +not been so true to it as I ought to have been--nothing like so true." + +"Has thee no near friends or relatives?" + +"I have acquaintances by the hundred, but there is no one to whom I +could speak as I have to you, whom I have known but a few hours. A man +has intuitions sometimes as well as a woman." + +"How strange it all is!" said Mrs. Yocomb, with a sigh, and looking +absently out of the window to where the sun glowed not far above the +horizon. Its level rays lighted up her face, making it so beautiful and +noble that I felt assured that I had come to the right one for light +and guidance. "Every heart seems to have its burden when the whole +truth is known," she added, meditatively. "I wonder if any are exempt. +Thee seemed indeed a man of the world when jesting at the table, but +now I see thy true self Thee is right, Richard Morton; thee can speak +to me as to thy friend." + +"I fear your surmise is true, Mrs. Yocomb; for in two instances to-day +have I caught glimpses of burdens heavier than mine." She looked at me +hastily, and her face grew pale. I relieved her by quietly continuing: + +"Whether you have a burden on your heart or not, one thing I know to be +true--the burdened in heart or conscience would instinctively turn to +you. I am conscious that it is this vital difference between your +spirit and that of the world which leads me to speak as I do. Except as +we master and hold our own in the world, it informs us that we are of +little account--one of millions; and our burdens and sorrows are +treated as sickly sentimentalities. There is no isolation more perfect +than that of a man of the world among people of his own kind, with whom +manifestations of feeling are weaknesses, securing prompt ridicule. +Reticence, a shrewd alertness to the main chance of the hour, and the +spirit of the entire proverb, 'Every man for himself,' become such +fixed characteristics that I suppose there is danger that the deepest +springs in one's nature may dry up, and no Artesian shaft of mercy or +truth be able to find anything in a man's soul save arid selfishness. +In spite of all that conscience can say against me--and it can say very +much--I feel sure that I have not yet reached that hopeless condition." + +"No, Richard Morton, thee has not." + +"I honestly hope I never may, and yet I fear it. Perhaps the +turning-point has come when I must resolutely look my old life and its +tendencies in the face and as resolutely work out such changes as true +manhood requires. If you will permit a metaphor, I feel like a +shipmaster whom a long-continued and relentless gale has driven into an +unexpected and quiet harbor. Before I put to sea again I would like to +rest, make repairs, and get my true bearings, otherwise I may make +shipwreck altogether. And so, impelled by my stress and need, I venture +to ask if you will permit me to become an inmate of your home for a +time on terms similar to those that you have made with Miss Warren. +That you may very naturally decline is the ground of the fear to which +I referred." + +"Richard Morton," said the old lady heartily, "thee's welcome to stay +with us as long as thee pleases, and to come whenever thee can. The +leadings in this case are plain, and I shall pray the kind Heavenly +Father that all thy hopes may be realized." + +"One has been realized truly. You cannot know how grateful I am." + +"Thee's welcome, surely, and father will tell thee so, too. Come," and +she led me out to the further end of the veranda, where Mr. Yocomb sat +with Miss Warren, his daughters, and Silas Jones grouped near him. + +"Well," exclaimed Adah eagerly, "what is Mr. Morton's calling? It must, +indeed, be a dreadful business, since you have had such a long and +serious time." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked at me a little blankly. + +"I declare," I exclaimed, laughing, "I forgot to tell you." + +"Forgot to tell!" cried Adah. "Why, what on earth did you tell? There +is nothing about you in this paper that I can find." + +Mr. Yocomb looked perplexed, and I saw Miss Warren's quick glance at +Mrs. Yocomb, who smiled back reassuringly. + +"Father," she said, "Richard Morton wishes to stay with us for a time, +I have told him that he was welcome, and that thee would tell him so, +too. I think thee will. Thee may ask him any questions thee pleases. I +am satisfied." + +"Thee is mistress of thy home, mother, and if thee's satisfied I am. +Richard Morton, thee's welcome. Thee was wise to get mother on thy +side." + +"So I instinctively felt ever since I saw her at the meeting-house +door." + +"Perhaps mother gave thee a bit of a sermon?" + +"She has given me two things that a man can't be a man without--hope +and courage." + +"Well, thee does kind of look as if thee had plucked up heart." + +"You, too, are catching the infection of this home," Miss Warren said, +in a low voice, as she stood near me. + +"So soon? I feel that I shall need an exposure of several weeks. There +is now but one obstacle in the way." + +"Ah, yes! I remember what you said. It's time you explained." + +"Not yet." And I turned and answered Adah's perplexed and frowning brow. + +"You will find me in that paper, Miss Adah, as one of its chief faults. +I am one of its editors, and this fact will reveal to you the calling +from which I and many others, no doubt, have suffered. Thus you see +that, after all, I have revealed my secret to you only. To your mother +I revealed myself. I hope, sir, you will not reverse your decision?" I +said to Mr. Yocomb. + +The old gentleman laughed heartily as he answered, "I have had my say +about editors in general. Mother and--I may add--something in thy own +manner, has inclined me to except present company. But I'll read thy +paper since Emily Warren takes it, so thee'd better beware." + +I saw that Adah was regarding me with complacency, and seemed +meditating many other questions. I had fully decided, however, that +while I should aim to keep her goodwill I would not permit her to make +life a burden by her inane chatter, or by any sense of proprietorship +in me. She must learn, as speedily as possible, that I was not one of +her "half-dozen young men." + +"Richard Morton, thee can keep thy room, and I hope thee will not find +our quiet, homely ways irksome, since we cannot greatly change them," +said my hostess. + +"I have a request to make, Mrs. Yocomb," I replied earnestly; "and I +shall derive no pleasure or benefit from my sojourn with you unless you +grant it. It is, that your family life may go on just the same as if I +were not here. As surely as I see that I am a source of restraint or +extra care and trouble, you will drive me out into the wilderness +again. You know why I wish to stay with you," I added meaningly. + +"We shall take thee at thy word," said Mrs. Yocomb, with a smile on her +lips but a very wistful, kindly light in her eyes. + +"Reuben, tell Richard Morton the truth," said his father. "Would it +give thee a great deal of trouble or much pleasure to take Dapple and +drive to the village for friend Morton's valise?" + +The youth, who was a good-natured and manly boy, to whom Sundays passed +a trifle slowly, sprang up with such alacrity that I laughed as I said, +"No need of words, Reuben, but I owe you a good turn all the same." +Then turning to Miss Warren, I continued: + +"You have been here a week. Will your conscience permit you to teach me +a little topography? It would be no worse than reading that newspaper." + +"Indeed, I think it might be better. It will be a useful task, at +least; for, left to yourself, you might get lost, and make Mr. Yocomb +no end of trouble. Did you not tell me, sir (to our host), that on one +occasion you had to hunt some one up with fish-horns, lanterns, etc.?" + +"Yes, and he was from New York, too," said Mr. Yocomb. + +"If I get lost, leave me to my fate. There will be one editor the less." + +"Very true; but I'd rather have thee on thy paper than on my +conscience. So Emily Warren, thee look after him, and show him the +right and proper ways, for I am now too old to enjoy a night hunt, even +with the music of fish-horns to cheer us on. I ask thee, Emily, for +some of thine instead when thee comes back." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +THE MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES + + +"Is it a task, then, to show me the right paths and proper ways?" I +asked, as we strolled away, leaving Adah looking as if--in her +curiosity to know more of the new species, a night editor--she wished +Silas Jones in the depths of the Dead Sea. + +"That may depend on how apt and interesting a scholar you prove. I'm a +teacher, you know, and teaching some of my scholars is drudgery, and +others a pleasure." + +"So I'm put on my good behavior at once." + +"You ought to be on your good behavior anyway--this is Sunday." + +"Yes, and June. If a man is not good now he'll never be. And yet such +people as Mrs. Yocomb--nor will I except present company--make me aware +that I am not good--far from it." + +"I am glad Mrs. Yocomb made just that impression on you." + +"Why?" + +"Because it proves you a better man than your words suggest, and, what +is of more consequence, a receptive man. I should have little hope for +any one who came from a quiet talk with Mrs. Yocomb in a complacent +mood or merely disposed to indulge in a few platitudes on the sweetness +and quaintness of her character, and some sentimentalities in regard to +Friends. If the depths of one's nature were not stirred, then I would +believe that there were no depths. She is doing me much good, and +giving me just the help I needed." + +"I can honestly say that she uttered one sentence that did find +soundings in such shallow depths as exist in my nature, and I ought to +be a better man for it hereafter." + +"She may have found you dreadfully bad, Mr. Morton: but I saw from her +face that she did not find you shallow. If she had, you would not have +touched her so deeply." + +"I touched her?" + +"Yes. Women understand each other. Something you said--but do not think +I'm seeking to learn what it was--moved her sympathies." + +"Oh, she's kind and sympathetic toward every poor mortal." + +"Very true; but she's intensely womanly; and a woman is incapable of a +benevolence and sympathy that are measured out by the yard--so much to +each one, according to the dictates of judgment. You were so fortunate +as to move Mrs. Yocomb somewhat as she touched your feelings; and you +have cause to be glad; for she can be a friend that will make life +richer." + +"I think I can now recall what excited her sympathies, and may tell you +some time, that is, if you do not send me away." + +"I send you away?" + +"Yes, I told you that you were the one obstacle to my remaining." + +She looked at me as if perplexed and a little hurt. I did not reply at +once, for her countenance was so mobile, so obedient to her thought and +feeling, that I watched its varied expressions with an interest that +constantly deepened. In contrast to Adah Yocomb's her face was usually +pale; and yet it had not the sickly pallor of ill-health, but the +clear, transparent complexion that is between the brunette and the +blonde. Her eyes were full, and the impression of largeness, when she +looked directly at you, was increased by a peculiar outward curve of +their long lashes. + +Whether her eyes could be called blue I could not yet decide, and they +seemed to darken and grow a little cold as she now looked at me; but +she merely said, quietly: + +"I do not understand you." + +"This was your chosen resting-place for the summer, was it not, Miss +Warren?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, then, what right have I, an entire stranger, to come blundering +along like a June beetle and disturb your rest? You did not look +forward to associations with night editors and like disreputable people +when you chose this sheltered nook of the world, and nestled under Mrs. +Yocomb's wing. You have the prior right here." + +As I spoke, her face so changed that it reminded me of the morning of +this eventful day when I first looked out upon its brightness, and as I +ceased her laugh rang out heartily. + +"So after all your fate is in my hands." + +"It is. You have pre-empted this claim." + +"Suppose I am a little non-committal, and should say, You may spend the +evening, you may stay till to-morrow; would you be content?" + +"No, indeed, but I would have to submit." + +"Well, this is rich. Who ever heard of an editor--and the shrewd, +alert, night editor at that--in such a dilemma! Do you realize what an +unwise step you have taken? Mr. Yocomb justly complimented your +shrewdness in getting Mrs. Yocomb on your side, and having won her over +you were safe, and might have remained in this Eden as long as you +chose. Now you place it within the power--the caprice even--of an utter +stranger to send you out into the wilderness again." + +I said, with a smile, "I am satisfied that you differ from your mother +Eve in one respect." + +"Ah! in what respect?" + +"You are not the kind of woman that causes banishment from Eden." + +"You know very little about me, Mr. Morton." + +"I know that." + +She smiled and looked pleased in spite of herself. + +"I think I'll let you stay till--till to-morrow," she said, with an +arch side glance; then added, with a laugh, "What nonsense we are +talking! As if you had not as good a right to be here as I have." + +"I beg your pardon. I spoke in downright sincerity. You found this +quiet place first. In a large hotel, all kinds of people can meet +almost as they do on Broadway; but here we must dwell together as one +family, and I feel that I have no right to force on you any association +without your leave, especially as you are here alone. In a certain +sense I introduce myself, and compel you to meet me socially without +your permission. You may have formed a very different plan for your +summer's rest." + +"It is rather rare for a music-teacher to receive so much +consideration. It bewilders me a little." + +"Pardon me. I soon discovered that you possessed woman's highest rank." + +"Indeed! Am I a princess in disguise?" + +"You are more than many princesses have been--a lady. And, as I said +before, you are here alone." + +She turned and looked at me intently, and I felt that if I had not been +sincere she would have known it. It was a peculiar and, I eventually +learned, a characteristic act. I am now inclined to think that she saw +the precise attitude of my mind and feeling toward her; but my +awakening interest was as far removed from curiosity as is our natural +desire to have a melody completed, the opening strains of which are +captivating. + +Her face quickly lost its aspect of grave scrutiny, and she looked +away, with a slight accession of color. + +"Do you want to stay very much?" she asked. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed, and my expression must have been eager and +glad, "you looked at me then as you would at a doubtful stranger, and +your glance was searching. You looked as only a woman can--as one who +would see her way rather than reason it out. Now tell me in sincerity +what you saw." + +"You know from my manner what I saw," she said, smiling and blushing +slightly. + +"No, I only hoped; I have not a woman's eyesight." + +She bit her lip, contracted her wide, low brow for a moment, then +turned and said frankly: + +"I did not mean to be rude in my rather direct glance. Even though a +music-teacher, I have had compliments before, and I have usually found +them as empty and insincere as the people who employed them. I am +somewhat alone in the world, Mr. Morton, and I belong to that class of +timid and rather helpless creatures whose safety lies in their +readiness to run to cover. I have found truth the best cover for me, +situated as I am. I aim to be just what I seem--neither more nor less; +and I am very much afraid of people who do not speak the truth, +especially when they are disposed to say nice things." + +"And you saw?" + +"I saw that bad as you are, I could trust you," she said, laughing; "a +fact that I was glad to learn since you are so bent on forcing your +society upon us all for a time." + +"Thank Heaven!" I exclaimed, "I thought yesterday that I was a +bankrupt, but I must have a little of the man left in me to have passed +this ordeal. Had I seen distrust in your eyes and consequent reserve in +your manner, I should have been sorely wounded." + +"No," she replied, shaking her head, "when a man's character is such as +to excite distrust, he could not be so sorely wounded as you suggest." + +"I'm not sure of that," I said. "I think a man may know himself to be +weak and wicked, and yet suffer greatly from such consciousness." + +"Why should he weakly suffer? Why not simply do right? I can endure a +certain amount of honest wickedness, but there is a phase of moral +weakness that I detest," and for a moment her face wore an aspect that +would have made any one wronging her tremble, for it was pure, strong, +and almost severe. + +"I do believe," I said, "that men are more merciful to the foibles of +humanity than women." "You are more tolerant, perhaps. Ah! there's +Dapple," and she ran to meet the spirited horse that was coming from +the farmyard. Reuben, driving, sat confidently in his light open wagon, +and his face indicated that he and the beautiful animal he could +scarcely restrain shared equally in their enjoyment of young, healthful +life. I was alarmed to see Miss Warren run forward, since at the moment +Dapple was pawing the air. A second later she was patting his arched +neck and rubbing her cheek against his nose. He looked as if he liked +it. Well he might. + +"Oh, Reuben," she cried, "I envy you. I haven't seen a horse in town +that could compare with Dapple." + +The young fellow was fairly radiant as he drove away. + +She looked after him wistfully, and drew a long sigh. + +"Ah!" she said, "they do me good after my city life. There's life for +you, Mr. Morton--full, overflowing, innocent life--in the boy and in +the horse. Existence, motion, is to them happiness. It seems a pity +that both must grow old and weary! My hand fairly tingles yet from my +touch of Dapple's neck, he was so alive with spirit. What is it that +animates that great mass of flesh and blood, bone and sinew, making him +so strong, yet so gentle. At a blow he would have dashed everything to +pieces, but he is as sensitive to kindness as I am. I sometimes half +think that Dapple has as good a right to a soul as I have. Perhaps you +are inclined toward Turkish philosophy, and think so too." + +"I should be well content to go to the same heaven that receives you +and Dapple. You are very fearless, Miss Warren, thus to approach a +rearing horse." + +Her answer was a slight scream, and she caught my arm as if for +protection. At the moment I spoke a sudden turning in the lane brought +us face to face with a large matronly cow that was quietly ruminating +and switching away the flies. She turned upon us her large, mild, +"Juno-like" eyes, in which one might imagine a faint expression of +surprise, but nothing more. + +My companion was trembling, and she said hurriedly: + +"Please let us turn back, or go some other way." + +"Why, Miss Warren," I exclaimed, "what is the matter?" + +"That dreadful cow! Cows are my terror." + +I laughed outright as I said, "Now is the time for me to display +courage, and prove than an editor can be the knight-errant of the age. +Upon my soul, Miss Warren, I shall protect you whatever horn of this +dilemma I may be impaled upon." Then advancing resolutely toward the +cow, I added, "Madam, by your leave, we must pass this way." + +At my approach the "dreadful cow" turned and ran down the lane to the +pasture field, in a gait peculiarly feminine. + +"Now you know what it is to have a protector," I said, returning. + +"I'm glad you're not afraid of cows," she replied complacently. "I +shall never get over it. They are my terror." + +"There is one other beast," I said, "that I am sure would inspire you +with equal dread." + +"I know you are going to say a mouse. Well, it may seem very silly to +you, but I can't help it. I'm glad I wasn't afraid of Dapple, for you +now can think me a coward only in streaks." + +"It does appear to me irresistibly funny that you, who, alone and +single-handed, have mastered this great world so that it is under your +foot, should have quailed before that inoffensive cow, which is +harmless as the milk she gives." + +"A woman, Mr. Morton, is the mystery of mysteries--the one problem of +the world that will never be solved. We even do not understand +ourselves." + +"For which truth I am devoutly thankful. I imagine that instead of a +week, as Mr. Yocomb said, it would require a lifetime to get acquainted +with some women. I wish my mother had lived. I'm sure that she would +have been a continuous revelation to me. I know that she had a great +deal of sorrow, and yet my most distinct recollection of her is her +laugh. No earthly sound ever had for me so much meaning as her laugh. I +think she laughed when other people would have cried. There's a tone in +your laugh that has recalled to me my mother again and again this +afternoon." + +"I hope it is not a source of pain," she said gently. + +"Far from it," I replied. "Memories of my mother give me pleasure, but +I rarely meet with one to whom I would even think of mentioning her +name." + +"I do not remember my mother," she said sadly. + +"Come," I resumed hastily, "you admit that you have been dull and +lonely to-day. Look at that magnificent glow in the west. So assuredly +ended in brightness the lives of those we loved, however clouded their +day may have been at times. This June evening, so full of glad sounds, +is not the time for sad thoughts. Listen to the robins, to that saucy +oriole yonder on the swaying elm-branch. Beyond all, hear that thrush. +Can you imagine a more delicious refinement of sound? Let us give way +to sadness when we must, and escape from it when we can. I would prefer +to continue up this shady lane, but it may prove too shadowy, and so +color our thoughts. Suppose we return to the farmyard, where Mr. Yocomb +is feeding the chickens, and then look through the old garden together. +You are a country woman, for you have been here a week; and so I shall +expect you to name and explain everything. At any rate you shall not be +blue any more to-day if I can prevent it. You see I am trying to reward +your self-sacrifice in letting me stay till to-morrow." + +"You are so considerate that I may let you remain a little longer." + +"What is that fable about the camel? If he once gets his head in--" + +"He next puts his foot in it, is the sequel, perhaps," she replied, +with the laugh that was becoming to me like a refrain of music that I +could not hear too often. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +"OLD PLOD" + + +"Emily Warren, why does thee bring Richard Morton back so soon?" asked +Mr. Yocomb, suspending for a moment the sweep of his hand that was +scattering grain. + +"You are mistaken, sir," I said; "I brought Miss Warren back. I thought +she would enjoy seeing you feed the poultry, the horses, and especially +the cows." + +"Thee's more self-denying than I'd a been," he resumed, With his +humorous twinkle. "Don't tell mother, but I wouldn't mind taking a walk +with Emily Warren myself on a June evening like this." + +"I will take a walk with you whenever you wish," laughed Miss Warren; +"but I'll surely tell Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Oh! I know I'd get found out," said the old man, shaking his head +ruefully; "I always do." + +"I'm sure you would if Miss Warren were here," I added. "I'm at a loss +to know how early in the day she found me out." + +"Well, I guess thee's a pretty square sort of a man. If thee'd been +stealing sheep Emily Warren wouldn't laugh at thee so approvingly. I'm +finding out that she rather likes the people she laughs at. At least, I +take that view, for she laughs at me a great deal. I knew from Emily +Warren's laugh that thee hadn't anything very bad to tell mother." + +"I admit that, at the time, I enjoyed being laughed at--a rather rare +experience." + +"You needn't, either of you, plume yourselves that you are irresistibly +funny. I laugh easily. Mr. Yocomb, why do you feed the chickens so +slowly? I have noticed it before. Now Reuben and Hiram, the man, throw +the corn all down at once." + +"They are in more of a hurry than I am. I don't like to do anything in +a hurry, least of all to eat my dinner. Now, why should these chickens, +turkeys and ducks gobble everything right down? The corn seems to taste +good to them; so, after a handful, I wait till they have had a chance +to think how good the last kernel was before they get another. You see +I greatly prolong their pleasure." + +"And in these intervals you meditate on Thanksgiving Day, I suppose," +she said. + +"Emily Warren, thee's a good Yankee. I admit that that young gobbler +there did suggest a day on which I'm always very thankful, and with +good reason. I had about concluded before thee came that, if we were +both spared--i.e., that gobbler and I--till next November, I would +probably survive him." + +"How can you have the heart to plan against that poor creature's life +so coolly? See how he turns his round, innocent eyes toward you, as if +in gratitude. If he could know that the hand that feeds him would chop +off his head, what a moral shock he would sustain! That upturned beak +should be to you like a reproachful face." + +"Emily Warren, we expect thee to eat thy Thanksgiving dinner with us; +and that young gobbler will probably be on the table. Now what part of +him will thee take on that occasion?" + +"A piece of the breast, if you please." + +"Richard Morton, is not Emily Warren as false and cruel as I am?" + +"Just about." + +"Is thee not afraid of her?" + +"I would be if she were unfriendly." + +"Oh, thee thinks everybody in this house is friendly. Emily Warren, +thee must keep up our good name," he added, with a mischievous nod +toward her. + +"Mr. Yocomb, you are forgetting the chickens altogether. There are some +staid and elderly hens that are going to bed in disgust, you have kept +them waiting so long." + +"See how quick they'll change their minds," he said, as he threw down a +handful of corn. "Now isn't that just like a hen?" he added, as they +hastened back. + +"And just like a woman also, I'm sure you want to suggest," said Miss +Warren. + +"I suppose thee never changes thy mind." + +"I'm going to change the subject. Poultry with their feathers on don't +interest me very much. The male birds remind me of a detestable class +of conceited men, that one must see daily in the city, whose gallantry +is all affectation, and who never for a moment lose sight of themselves +or their own importance. That strutting gobbler there, Mr. Morton, +reminds me of certain eminent statesmen whom your paper delights to +honor, and I imagine that that ridiculous creature embodies their idea +of the American eagle. Then the hens have such a simple, unthinking +aspect. They act as if they expected to be crowed over as a matter of +course; and thus typify the followers of these statesmen, who are so +pre-eminent in their own estimation. Their exalted perches seem to be +awarded unquestioningly." + +"So you think, Miss Warren, that I have the simple, unthinking aspect +typified by the physiognomy of these hens?" + +"Mr. Morton, I was generalizing. We always except present company. +Remember, I disagree with your paper, not you; but why you look up to +these human species of the gobbler is something I can't understand, and +being only a _woman_, that need not seem strange to you." + +"Since I must tell you the truth on all occasions, _nolens volens_, you +have hit on a subject wherein I differ from my paper. Human phases of +the gobbler are not pleasant." + +"But the turkey phase _is, very_," said Mr. Yocomb, throwing a handful +of corn down before his favorite, which, like certain eminent +statesmen, immediately looked after his own interests. + +"Mr. Yocomb, please, let me help you feed the horses," said Miss +Warren, leading the way into the barn, where on one side were mows for +hay and grain, and, on the other, stalls for several horses. The sleek +and comfortable animals seemed to know the young girl, for they thrust +out their black and brown noses toward her and projected their ears +instead of laying them back viciously, as when I approached; and one +old plow-horse that had been much neglected, until Miss Warren began to +pet him, gave a loud ecstatic whinny. + +"Oh, you big, honest old fellows!" she exclaimed, caressing one and +another, "I'd rather teach you than half my pupils." + +"In which half do you place me?" I asked. + +"You? oh, I forgot; I was to teach you topography. I will assign you by +and by, after you have had a few lessons." + +"A man ought to do as well as a horse, so I hope to win your favor." + +"I wish all men did as well as Mr. Yocomb's horses. They evidently feel +they have the family name and respectability to keep up. Mr. Yocomb, +what is it that smells so sweetly?" + +"That is the red-top clover we cut last week." + +"Oh, isn't it good? I wouldn't mind having some myself," and she +snatched down a fragrant handful from the mow. "Here, Old Plod," she +said, turning to the plow-horse, "the world has rather snubbed you, as +it has honest worth before. Mr. Yocomb, you and Reuben are much too +fond of gay horses." + +"Shall I tell Reuben that thee'd rather ride after Old Plod, as thee +calls him?" + +"No, I thank you; I'll go on as I've begun. I'm not changeable." + +"Now, Friend Morton, is not Emily Warren as bad as I am about gay +horses?" + +"I'm inclined to think she is about as bad as you are in all respects." + +"Emily Warren, thee needn't put on any more airs. Richard Morton thinks +thee isn't any better than I am, and there's nothing under the sun an +editor doesn't know." + +"I wish he were right this time," she said, with a laugh and sigh +curiously blended. "It seems to me, Mr. Yocomb, that you have grown +here in the country like your clover-hay, and are as good and +wholesome. In New York it is so different, especially if one has no +home life; you breathe a different atmosphere from us in more respects +than one. This fragrant old barn appears to me more of a sanctuary than +some churches in which I have tried to worship, and its dim evening +light more religious." "According to your faith," I said, "no shrine +has ever contained so precious a gift as a manger." + +"According to _our_ faith, if you please, Mr. Morton." + +By an instinct that ignored a custom of the Friends, but exemplified +their spirit, the old man took off his hat as he said, "Yes, friend +Morton, according to _our_ faith. The child that was cradled in a +manger tends to make the world innocent." + +"The old barn has indeed become a sanctuary," I thought, in the brief +silence that followed. Miss Warren stepped to the door, and I saw a +quick gesture of her hands to her eyes. Then she turned and said, in +her piquant way: + +"Mr. Yocomb, our talk reminds me of the long grace in Latin which the +priests said before meals, and which the hungry people couldn't +understand. The horses are hinting broadly that oats would be more +edifying. If it were Monday, I'd wager you a plum that they would all +leave your oats to eat clover-hay out of my hand." + +"We'll arrange about the bet to-morrow, and now try the experiment," +said Mr. Yocomb, relapsing into his genial humor at once. + +I was learning, however, that a deep, earnest nature was hidden by this +outward sheen and sparkle. Filling his four-quart measure from the +cobwebbed bin, he soon gave each horse his allowance. + +"Now, Richard Morton, thee watch her, and see that she doesn't coax too +much, or come it over them with any unlawful witchery. Take the hay +thyself, Emily, and we'll stand back." + +I went to the further end of the barn, near Old Plod, and stood where I +could see the maiden's profile against the light that streamed through +the open door. Never shall I forget the picture I then saw. The tall, +ample figure of the old Quaker stood in the background, and his smile +was broad and genial enough to have lighted up a dungeon. Above him +rose the odorous clover, a handful of which Miss Warren held out to the +horse in the first stall. Her lips were parted, her eyes shining, and +her face had the intent, eager interest of a child, while her attitudes +and motions were full of unstudied and unconscious grace. + +The first horse munched stolidly away at his oats. She put the tempting +wisp against his nose, at which he laid back his ears and looked +vicious. She turned to Mr. Yocomb, and the old barn echoed to a laugh +that was music itself as she said: + +"You have won your plum, if it is Sunday. I shall try all the other +horses, however, and thus learn to value correctly the expressions of +affection I have received from these long-nosed gentlemen." + +One after another they munched on, regardless of the clover. Step by +step she came nearer to me, smiling and frowning at her want of +success. My heart thrilled at a beauty that was so unconventional and +so utterly self-forgetful. The blooming clover, before it fell at a +sweep of the scythe, was the fit emblem of her then, she looked so +young, so fair, and sweet. + +"They are as bad as men," she exclaimed, "who will forgive any wrong +rather than an interruption at dinner." + +She now stood at my side before Old Plod, that thus far, in his +single-minded attention to his oats, had seemingly forgotten her +presence; but, as he lifted his head from the manger and saw her, he +took a step forward, and reached his great brown nose toward her, +rather than for the clover. In brief, he said, in his poor dumb way: + +"I like you better than hay or oats." + +The horse's simple, undisguised affection, for some reason, touched the +girl deeply; for she dropped the hay and threw her arm around the +horse's head, leaning her face against his. I saw a tear in her eye as +she murmured: + +"You have more heart than all the rest put together. I don't believe +any one was ever kind to you before, and you've been a bit lonely, like +myself." Then she led the way hastily out of the barn, saying, "Old +Plod and I are sworn friends from this time forth; and I shall take +your advice, Old Plod." + +I was soon at her side, and asked: + +"What advice did Old Plod give you?" + +For some inexplicable reason she colored deeply, then laughed as she +said: + +"It's rarely wise to think aloud; but impulsive people will do it +sometimes. I suppose we all occasionally have questions to decide that +to us are perplexing and important, though of little consequence to the +world. Come; if we are to see the old garden, we must make the most of +the fading light. After my interview with Old Plod, I can't descend to +cows and pigs; so good-by, Mr. Yocomb." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +A BIT OF EDEN + + +"This is my first entrance into Eden," I said, as we passed through the +rustic gate made of cedar branches and between posts green with +American ivy. + +"Like another man, you won't stay here long." + +"Like Adam, I shall certainly go out when you do." + +"That will be before very long, since I have promised Mr. Yocomb some +music." + +"Even though a Bohemian editor, as you may think, I am conscious of a +profound gratitude to some beneficent power, for I never could have +chosen so wisely myself. I might have been in Sodom and Gomorrah--for +New York in contrast seems a union of both--receiving reports of the +crimes and casualties of the day, but I am here with this garden in the +foreground and music in the background." + +"You don't know anything about the music, and you may yet wish it so +far in the background as to be inaudible." + +"I admit that I will be in a dilemma when we reach the music, for no +matter how much I protest, you will know just what I think." + +"Yes, you had better be honest." + +"Come, open for me the treasures of your ripe experience. You have been +a week in the country. I know you will give me a rosebud--a rare +old-fashioned one, if you please, with a quaint, sweet meaning, for I +see that such abound in this garden, and I am wholly out of humor with +the latest mode in everything. Recalling your taste for homely, honest +worth, as shown by your passion for Old Plod, I shall seek a blossom +among the vegetables for you. Ah, here is one that is sweet, white, and +pretty," and I plucked a cluster of flowers from a potato-hill. "By the +way, what flower is this?" I asked demurely. + +She looked at it blankly for a moment, then remarked, with a smile, +"You have said that it was sweet, white, and pretty. Why inquire +further?" + +"Miss Warren, you have been a week in the country and don't know a +potato-blossom." + +"Our relations may be changed," she said, "and you become the teacher." + +"Oh, here comes Zillah. We will settle the question according to +Scripture. Does it not say, 'A little child shall lead them'? Who are +you so glad to see, little one, Miss Warren or me?" + +"I don't know thee very well yet," she said shyly. + +"Do you know Miss Warren very well?" + +"Oh, yes, indeed." + +"How soon did you come to know her well?" + +"The first day when she kissed me." + +"I think that's a very nice way of getting acquainted. Won't you let me +kiss you good-night when you get sleepy." + +She looked at me with a doubtful smile, and said, "I'm afraid thy +mustache will tickle me." + +The birds were singing in the orchard near, but there was not a note +that to my ear was more musical than Miss Warren's laugh. I stooped +down before the little girl as I said: + +"Suppose we see if a kiss tickles you now, and if it don't now, you +won't mind it then, you know." + +She came hesitatingly to me, and gave the coveted salute with a +delicious mingling of maidenly shyness and childish innocence and +frankness. + +"Ah!" I exclaimed, "Eden itself contained nothing better than that. To +think that I should have been so honored--I who have written the +records of enough crimes to sink a world!" + +"Perhaps if you had committed some of them she wouldn't have kissed +you." + +"If I had to live in a ninety-nine story tenement-house, as so many do, +I think I would have committed them all. Well, I may come to it. Life +is a risky battle to such as I, but I'm in heaven now." + +"You do seem very happy," she said, looking at me wistfully. + +"I am very happy. I have given myself up wholly to the influences of +this day, letting them sway me, lead me whithersoever they will. If +this is a day of destiny, no stupid mulishness of mine shall thwart the +happy combination of the stars. That the Fates are propitious I have +singular reason to hope. Yesterday I was a broken and dispirited man. +This evening I feel the influence of all this glad June life. Good Mrs. +Yocomb has taken me in hand. I'm to study topography with a teacher who +has several other bumps besides that of locality, and Zillah is going +to show us the garden of Eden." + +"Is this like the garden of Eden?" the little girl asked, looking up at +me in surprise. + +"Well, I'm not sure that it's just like it, but I'm more than content +with this garden. In one respect I think it's better--there are no +snakes here. Now, Zillah, lead where you please, I'm in the following +mood. Do you know where any of these birds live? Do you think any of +them are at home on their nests? If so, we'll call and pay our +respects. When I was a horrid boy I robbed a bird's nest, and I often +have a twinge of remorse for it." "Do you want to see a robin's nest?" +asked Zillah excitedly. + +"Yes, indeed." + +"Then come and walk softly when I do. There's one in that lilac-bush +there. If we don't make a noise, perhaps we can see mother robin on the +nest. Sh--, sh--, very softly; now lift me up as father did--there, +don't you see her?" + +I did for a moment, and then the bird flew away on a swift, silent +wing, but from a neighboring tree the paternal robin clamored loudly +against our intrusion. Nevertheless, Zillah and I peeped in. + +"Oh, the queer little things!" she said, "they seem all mouth and +swallow." + +"Mrs. Robin undoubtedly thinks them lovely. Miss Warren, you are not +quite tall enough, and since I can't hold you up like Zillah, I'll get +a box from the tool-house. Isn't this the jolliest housekeeping you +ever saw? A father, mother, and six children, with a house six inches +across and open to the sky. Compare that with a Fifth Avenue mansion!" + +"I think it compares very favorably with many mansions on the Avenue," +she said, after I returned with a box and she had peered for a moment +into the roofless home. + +"I thought you always spoke the truth," I remarked, assuming a look of +blank amazement. + +"Well, prove that I don't." + +"Do you mean to say that you think that a simple house, of which this +nest is the type, compares favorably with a Fifth Avenue mansion?" + +"I do." + +"What do you know about such mansions?" + +"I have pupils in some of the best of them." + +"I hear the voices of many birds, but you are the _rara avis_ of them +all," I said, looking very incredulous. + +"Not at all; I am simply matter-of-fact. Which is worth the more, a +furnished house or the growing children in it?" + +"The children ought to be." + +"Well, many a woman has so much house and furniture to look after that +she has no time for her children. The little brown mother we have +frightened away can give nearly all her time to her children; and, by +the way, they may take cold unless we depart and let her shelter them +again with her warm feathers. Besides, the protesting paterfamilias on +the pear-tree there is not aware of our good-will toward him and his, +and is naturally very anxious as to what we human monsters intend. The +mother bird keeps quiet, but she is watching us from some leafy cover +with tenfold his anxiety." + +"You will admit, however, that the man bird is doing the best he can." + +"Oh, yes, I have a broad charity for all of his kind." + +"Well, I am one of his kind, and so shall take heart and bask in your +general good-will. Stop your noise, old fellow, and go and tell your +wife that she may come home to the children. I differ from you, Miss +Warren, as I foresee I often shall. You are not matter-of-fact at all. +You are unconventional, unique--" "Why not say queer, and give your +meaning in good plain English?" + +"Because that is not my meaning. I fear you are worse--that you are +romantic. Moreover, I am told that girls who dote on love in a cottage +all marry rich men if the chance comes." She bit her lip, colored, and +seemed annoyed, but said, after a moment's hesitation, "Well, why +shouldn't they, if the rich men are the right men?" + +"Oh, I think such a course eminently proper and thrifty. I'm not +finding fault with it in the least. They who do this are a little +inconsistent, however, in shunning so carefully that ideal cottage, +over which, as young ladies, they had mild and poetic raptures. Now, I +can't associate this kind of thing with you. If you had 'drawings or +leadings,' as Mrs. Yocomb would say, toward a Fifth Avenue mansion, you +would say so in effect. I fear you are romantic, and are under the +delusion that love in a cottage means happiness. You have a very honest +face, and you looked into that nest as if you liked it." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, frowning and laughing at the same time, "I'm +not going to be argued out of self-consciousness. If we don't know what +we know, we don't know anything. I insist upon it that I am utterly +matter-of-fact in my opinions on this question. State the subject +briefly in prose. Does a family exist for the sake of a home, or a home +for the sake of a family? I know of many instances in which the former +of these suppositions is true. The father toils and wears himself out, +often gambles--speculating, some call it--and not unfrequently cheats +and steals outright in order to keep up his establishment. The mother +works and worries, smooths her wrinkled brow to curious visitors, +burdens her soul with innumerable deceits, and enslaves herself that +her house and its belongings may be as good or a little better than her +neighbor's. The children soon catch the same spirit, and their souls +become absorbed in wearing apparel. They are complacently ignorant +concerning topics of general interest and essential culture, but would +be mortified to death if suspected of being a little off on 'good form' +and society's latest whims in mode. It is a dreary thraldom to mere +things in which the soul becomes as material, narrow, and hard as the +objects which absorb it. There is no time for that which gives ideality +and breadth." + +"Do you realize that your philosophy would stop half the industries of +the world? Do you not believe in large and sumptuously furnished +houses?" + +"Yes, for those who have large incomes. One may live in a palace, and +yet not be a slave to the palace. Our home should be as beautiful as +our taste and means can make it; but, like the nest yonder, it should +simply serve its purpose, leaving us the time and means to get all the +good out of the world at large that we can." + +A sudden cloud of sadness overcast her face as she continued, after a +moment, half in soliloquy: + +"The robins will soon take wing and leave the nest; so must we. How +many have gone already!" + +"But the robins follow the sun in their flight," I said gently, "and +thus they find skies more genial than those they left." + +She gave me a quick, appreciative smile as she said: + +"That's a pleasant thought." + +"Your home must be an ideal one," I remarked unthinkingly. + +She colored slightly, and laughed as she answered: + +"I'm something like a snail; I carry my home, if not my house, around +with me. A music-teacher can afford neither a palace nor a cottage." + +I looked at her with eager eyes as I said, "Pardon me if I am unduly +frank; but on this day I'm inclined to follow every impulse, and say +just what I think, regardless of the consequences. You make upon me a +decided impression of what we men call comradeship. I feel as if I had +known you weeks and months instead of hours. Could we not have been +robins ourselves in some previous state of existence, and have flown on +a journey together?" + +"Mrs. Yocomb had better take you in hand, and teach you sobriety." + +"Yes, this June air, laden with the odors of these sweet old-style +roses and grape-blossoms, intoxicates me. These mountains lift me up. +These birds set my nerves tingling like one of Beethoven's symphonies, +played by Thomas's orchestra. In neither case do I know what the music +means, but I recognize a divine harmony. Never before have I been +conscious of such a rare and fine exhilaration. My mood is the product +of an exceptional combination of causes, and they have culminated in +this old garden. You know, too, that I am a creature of the night, and +my faculties are always at their best as darkness comes on. I may seem +to you obtuseness itself, but I feel as if I had been endowed with a +spiritual and almost unerring discernment. In my sensitive and highly +wrought condition, I know that the least incongruity or discord in +sight or sound would jar painfully. Yes, laugh at me if you will, but +nevertheless I'm going to speak my thoughts with no more restraint than +these birds are under. I'm going back for a moment to the primitive +condition of society, when there were no disguises. You are the mystery +of this garden--you who come from New York, where you seem to have +lived without the shelter of home life, to have obtained your +livelihood among conventional and artificial people, and to whom the +false, complicated world must be well known, and yet you make no more +discord in this garden than the first woman would have made. You are in +harmony with every leaf, with every flower, and every sound; with that +child playing here and there; with the daisies in the orchard; with the +little brown mother, whose children you feared might take cold. Hush!" +I said, with a deprecatory gesture, "I will speak my mind. Never before +in my life have I enjoyed the utter absence of concealment. In the city +one must use words to hide thoughts more often than to express them, +but here, in this old garden, I intend to reproduce for a brief moment +one of the conditions of Eden, and to speak as frankly as the first man +could have spoken. I am not jesting either, nor am I irreverent. I say, +in all sincerity, you are the mystery of this garden--you who come from +New York, and from a life in which your own true womanhood has been +your protection; and yet if, as of old, God should walk in this garden +in the cool of the day, it seems to me you would not be afraid. Such is +the impression--given without reserve--that you make on me--you whom I +have just seen, as it were!" + +As she realized my sincerity she looked at me with an expression of +strong perplexity and surprise. + +"Truly, Mr. Morton," she said slowly, "you are in a strange, unnatural +mood this evening." + +"I seem so," I replied, "because absolutely true to nature. See how far +astray from Eden we all are! I have merely for a moment spoken my +thoughts without disguise, and you look as if you doubted my sanity." + +"I must doubt your judgment," she said, turning away. + +"Then why should such a clearly defined impression be made on me? For +every effect there must be a cause." + +She turned upon me suddenly, and her look was eager, searching, and +almost imperious in its demand to know the truth. + +"Are you as sincere as you are unconventional?" she asked. + +I took off my hat, as I replied, with a smile, "A garden, Miss Warren, +was the first sacred place of the world, and never were sincerer words +spoken in that primal garden." + +She looked at me a moment wistfully, and even tearfully. "I wish you +were right," she said, slowly shaking her head; "your strange mood has +infected me, I think; and I will admit that to be true is the struggle +of my life, but the effort to be true is often hard, bitterly hard, in +New York. I admit that for years truthfulness has been the goal of my +ambition. Most young girls have a father and mother and brothers to +protect them: I have had only the truth, and I cling to it with the +instinct of self-preservation." + +"You cling to it because you love it. Pardon me, you do not cling to it +at all. Truth has become the warp and woof of your nature. Ah! here is +your emblem, not growing in the garden, but leaning over the fence as +if it would like to come in, and yet, among all the roses here, where +is there one that excels this flower?" And I gathered for her two or +three sprays of sweetbrier. + +"I won't mar your bit of Eden by a trace of affectation," she said, +looking directly into my eyes in a frank and friendly manner; "I'd +rather be thought true than thought a genius, and I will make allowance +for your extravagant language and estimate on the ground of your +intoxication. You surely see double, and yet I am pleased that in your +transcendental mood I do not seem to make discord in this old garden. +This will seem to you a silly admission after you leave this place and +recover your everyday senses. I'm sorry already I made it--but it was +such an odd conceit of yours!" and her heightened color and glowing +face proved how she relished it. + +It was an exquisite moment to me. The woman showed her pleasure as +frankly as a happy child. I had touched the keynote of her character as +I had that of Adah Yocomb's a few hours before, and in her supreme +individuality Emily Warren stood revealed before me in the garden. + +She probably saw more admiration in my face than she liked, for her +manner changed suddenly. + +"Being honest doesn't mean being made of glass," she said brusquely; +"you don't know anything about me, Mr. Morton. You have simply +discovered that I have not a leaning toward prevarication. That's all +your fine words amount to. Since I must keep up a reputation for +telling the truth, I'm obliged to say that you don't remind me of Adam +very much." + +"No, I probably remind you of a night editor, ambitious to be smart in +print." + +She bit her lip, colored a little. "I wasn't thinking of you in that +light just then," she said. "And--and Adam is not my ideal man." + +"In what light did you see me?" + +"It is growing dusky, and I won't be able to see you at all soon." + +"That's evasion." + +"Come, Mr. Morton, I hope you do not propose to keep up Eden customs +indefinitely. It's time we returned to the world to which we belong." + +"Zillah!" called Mrs. Yocomb, and we saw her coming down the garden +walk. + +"Bless me! where is the child!" I exclaimed. + +"When you began to soar into the realms of melodrama and forget the +garden you had asked her to show you, she sensibly tried to amuse +herself. She is in the strawberry-bed, Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Yes," I said, "I admit that I forgot the garden; I had good reason to +do so." + +"I think it is time we left the garden. You must remember that Mrs. +Yocomb and I are not night editors, and cannot see in the dark." + +"Mother," cried Zillah, coming forward, "see what I have found;" and +her little hands were full of ripe strawberries. "If it wasn't getting +so dark I could have found more, I'm sure," she added, + +"What, giving them all to me?" Miss Warren exclaimed, as Zillah held +out her hands to her favorite. "Wouldn't it be nicer if we all had +some?" + +"Who held you up to look into the robin's nest?" I asked reproachfully. + +"Thee may give Richard Morton my share," said the little girl, trying +to make amends. + +I held out my hand, and Miss Warren gave me half of them. + +"Now these are mine?" I said to Zillah. "Yes!" + +"Then I'll do what I please with them." + +I picked out the largest, and stooping down beside her, continued: "You +must eat these or I won't eat any." + +"Thee's very like Emily Warren," the little girl laughed; "thee gets +around me before I know it." + +"I'll give you all the strawberries for that compliment." + +"No, thee must take half." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, you and I will divide, too. Could there possibly be a +more delicious combination!" and Miss Warren smacked her lips +appreciatively. + +"The strawberry was evolved by a chance combination of forces," I +remarked. + +"Undoubtedly," added Miss Warren, "so was my Geneva watch." + +"I like to think of the strawberry in this way," said Mrs. Yocomb. +"There are many things in the Scriptures hard to understand; so there +are in Nature. But we all love the short text: 'God is love.' The +strawberry is that text repeated in Nature." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, you could convert infidels and pagans with a gospel of +strawberries," I cried. + +"There are many Christians who prefer tobacco," said Mrs. Yocomb, +laughing. + +"That reminds me," I exclaimed, "that I have not smoked to-day. I fear +I shall fall from grace to-morrow, however." + +"Yes, I imagine you will drop from the clouds by tomorrow," Miss Warren +remarked. + +"By the way, what a magnificent cloud that is rising above the horizon +in the southwest. It appears like a solitary headland in an azure sea." + +"Ah--h!" she said, in satirical accent. + +"Mrs. Yocomb, Miss Warren has been laughing at me ever since I came. I +may have to claim your protection." + +"No! thee and father are big enough to take care of yourselves." + +"Emily Warren, is thee and Richard Morton both lost?" called Mr. Yocomb +from the piazza. "I can't find mother either. If somebody don't come +soon I'll blow the fish-horn." + +"We're all coming," answered Mrs. Yocomb, and she led the way toward +the house. + +"You have not given me a rose yet," I said to Miss Warren. + +"Must you have one?" + +"A man never uses the word 'must' in seeking favors from a lady." + +"Adroit policy! Well, what kind of a one do you want?" + +"I told you long ago." + +"Oh, I remember. An old-fashioned one, with a pronounced meaning. Here +is a York and Lancaster bud. That has a decided old-style meaning." + +"It means war, does it not?" + +"Yes." + +"I won't take it. Yes I will, too," I said, a second later, and I took +the bud from her hand. "You know the law of war," I added: "To the +victor belong the spoils." + +She gave me a quick glance, and after a moment said, a trifle coldly, + +"That remark seems bright, but it does not mean anything." + +"It often means a great deal. There, I'm out of the garden and in the +ordinary world again. I wonder if I shall ever have another bit of Eden +in my life." + +"Oh, indeed you shall. I will ask Mr. Yocomb to give you a day's +weeding and hoeing there." + +"What will you do in the meantime?" + +"Sit under the arbor and laugh at you." + +"Agreed. But suppose it was hot and I grew very tired, what would you +do?" + +"I fear I would have to invite you under the arbor." + +"You fear?" + +"Well, I would invite you if you had been of real service in the +garden." + +"That would be Eden unalloyed." + +"Since I am not intoxicated, I cannot agree with you." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +"MOVED" + + +"Mr. Yocomb," I said, as we mounted the piazza, "what is the cause of +the smoke rising above yonder mountain to the east of us? I have +noticed it several times this afternoon, and it seems increasing." + +"That mountain was on fire on Saturday. I hoped the rain of last night +would put it out, but it was a light shower, and the fire is under +headway again. It now seems creeping up near the top of the mountain, +for I think I see a faint light." + +"I do distinctly; the mountain begins to remind me of a volcano." + +"The moon will rise before very long, and you may be treated to a grand +sight if the fire burns, as I fear it will." + +"This is a day of fate," I said, laughing, "and almost any event that +could possibly happen would not surprise me." + +"It has seemed a very quiet day to me," said the old gentleman. +"Neither mother nor any one on the high seat had a message for us this +morning, and this afternoon I took a very long nap. If thee had not +come and stirred us up a little, and Emily Warren had not laughed at us +both, I would call it almost a dull day, as far as any peaceful day can +be dull. Such days, however, are quite to my mind, and thee'll like 'em +better when thee sees my age." + +"I'm inclined to think," I replied, "that the great events of life +would rarely make even an item in a newspaper." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked as if she understood me, but Miss Warren remarked, +with a mischievous glance: + +"Personals are generally read." + +"Editors gossip about others, not themselves." + +"You admit they gossip." + +"That one did little else seems your impression." + +"News and gossip are different things; but I'm glad your conscience so +troubles you that you exaggerate my words." + +"Emily Warren, thee can squabble with Richard Morton all day to-morrow +after thy amiable fashion, but I'm hankering after some of thy music." + +"I will keep you waiting no longer, sir, and would have come before, +but I did not wish you to see Mr. Morton while he was in a very +lamentable condition." + +"Why, what was the matter with him?" asked Adah, who had just joined us +in the lighted hall; "he seems to have very queer complaints." + +"He admits that he was intoxicated, and he certainly talked very +strangely." + +"Miss Adah, did I talk strangely or wildly this afternoon?" + +"No, indeed, I think you talked very nicely; and I told Silas Jones +that I never met a gentleman before who looked at things so exactly as +I did." + +This was dreadful. I saw that Miss Warren was full of suppressed +merriment, and was glad that Mrs. Yocomb was in the parlor lighting the +lamps. + +"I suppose Mr. Jones was glad to hear what you said," I remarked, +feeling that I must say something. + +"He may have been, but he did not look so." + +"Mr. Yocomb, you have your daughter's testimony that I was sober this +afternoon, and since that time I have enjoyed nothing stronger than +milk and the odor of your old-fashioned roses. If I was in a lamentable +condition in the garden, Miss Warren was the cause, and so is wholly to +blame." + +"Emily Warren, does thee know that thy mother Eve made trouble in a +garden?" + +"I've not the least intention of taking Mr. Morton out of the garden. +He may go back at once, and I have already suggested that you would +give him plenty of hoeing and weeding there." + +"I'm not so sure about that; I fear he'd make the same havoc in my +garden that I'd make in his newspaper." + +"Then you think an editor has no chance for Eden?" + +"Thee had better talk to mother about that. If there's any chance for +thee at all she'll give thee hope. Now, Emily Warren, we are all ready. +Sing some hymns that will give us all hope--no, sing hymns of faith." + +Adah took a seat on the sofa, and glanced encouragingly at me, but I +found a solitary chair by an open window, where I could look out across +the valley to the burning mountain, and watch the stars come out in the +darkening sky. Within I faced Miss Warren's profile and the family +group. + +I had not exaggerated when I told Miss Warren that I was conscious of a +fine exhilaration. Sleep and rest had banished all dragged and jaded +feelings. For hours my mind had been free from a sense of hurry and +responsibility, which made it little better than a driving machine. In +the mental leisure and quiet which I now enjoyed I had grown +receptive--highly sensitive indeed--to the culminating scenes of this +memorable day. Even little things and common words had a significance +that I would not have noted ordinarily, and the group before me was not +ordinary. Each character took form with an individuality as sharply +defined as their figures in the somewhat dimly lighted room, and when I +looked without into the deepening June night it seemed an obscure and +noble background, making the human life within more real and attractive. + +Miss Warren sat before her piano quietly for a moment, and her face +grew thoughtful and earnest. It was evident that she was not about to +perform some music, but that she would unite with her sincere and +simple friends, Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb, in giving expression to feelings +and truths that were as real to her as to them. + +"How perfectly true she is!" I thought, as I noted the sweet, childlike +gravity of her face. Then, in a voice that proved to be a sympathetic, +pure soprano, well trained, but not at all great, she sang: + + "My faith looks up to Thee." + +Their faith seemed very real and definite, and I could not help feeling +that it would be a cruel and terrible thing if that pronoun "Thee" +embodied no living and loving personality. The light in their faces, +like that of a planet beaming on me through the open window, appeared +but the inevitable reflection of a fuller, richer spiritual light that +now shone full upon them. + +One hymn followed another, and Reuben, who soon came in, seemed to have +several favorites. Little Zillah had early asked for those she liked +best, and then her head had dropped down into her mother's lap, and +Miss Warren's sweet tones became her lullaby, her innocent, sleeping +face making another element in a picture that was outlining itself +deeply in my memory. + +Adah, having found that she could not secure my attention, had fallen +into something like a revery. Very possibly she was planning out the +dress that she meant to "cut to suit herself," but in their repose her +features became very beautiful again. + +Her face to me, however, was now no more than a picture on the wall; +but the face of the childlike woman that was so wise and gifted, and +yet so simple and true, had for me a fascination that excited my +wonder. I had seen scores of beautiful women--I lived in a city where +they abounded--but I had never seen this type of face before. The truth +that I had not was so vivid that it led to the thought that, like the +first man, I had seen in the garden the one woman of the world, the +mistress of my fate. A second later I was conscious of a sickening +fear. To love such a woman, and yet not be able to win her--how could +one thereafter go on with life! Beware, Richard Morton! On this quiet +June evening, in this home of peace and the peaceful, and with hymns of +love and faith breathed sweetly into your ears, you may be in the +direst peril of your life. From this quiet hour may come the unrest of +a lifetime. Then Hope whispered of better things. I said to myself, "I +did not come to this place. I wandered hither, or was led hither; and +to every influence of this day I shall yield myself. If some kindly +Power has led me to this woman of crystal truth, I shall be the most +egregious fool in the universe if I do not watch and wait for further +possibilities of good." + +How sweet and luminous her face seemed in contrast with the vague +darkness without! More sweet and luminous would her faith be in the +midst of the contradictions, obscurities, and evils of the world. The +home that enshrined such a woman would be a refuge for a man's tempted +soul, as well as a resting-place for his tired body. + +"Sing 'Tell me the Old, Old Story,'" said Mr. Yocomb, in his warm, +hearty way. Was I a profane wretch because the thought would come that +if I could draw, in shy, hesitating admission, another story as old as +the world it would be heavenly music? + +Could it have been that it was my intent gaze and concentrated thought +that made her turn suddenly to me after complying with Mr. Yocomb's +request? She colored slightly as she met my eyes, but said quietly, +"Mr. Morton, you have expressed no preference yet." + +"I have enjoyed everything you have sung," I replied, and I quietly +sustained her momentary and direct gaze. + +She seemed satisfied, and smiled as she said, "Thank you, but you shall +have your preference also." + +"Miss Warren, you have sung some little time, and perhaps your voice is +tired. Do you play Chopin's Twelfth Nocturne? That seems to me like a +prayer." + +"I'm glad you like that," she said, with a pleased, quick glance. "I +play it every Sunday night when I am alone." + +A few moments later and we were all under the spell of that exquisite +melody which can fitly give expression to the deepest and tenderest +feelings and most sacred aspirations of the heart. + +Did I say all? I was mistaken. Adah's long lashes were drooping, her +face was heavy with sleep, and it suggested flesh and blood, and flesh +and blood only. + +Miss Warren's eyes, in contrast, were moist, her mouth tremulous with +feeling, and her face was a beautiful transparency, through which shone +those traits which already made her, to me, pre-eminent among women. + +I saw Mrs. Yocomb glance from one girl to the other, then close her +eyes, while a strong expression of pain passed over her face. Her lips +moved, and she undoubtedly was speaking to One near to her, though so +far, seemingly, from most of us. + +A little later there occurred one or two exquisite movements in the +prayer harmony, and I turned to note their effect on Mrs. Yocomb, and +was greatly struck by her appearance. She was looking fixedly into +space, and her face had assumed a rapt, earnest, seeking aspect, as if +she were trying to see something half hidden in the far distance. With +a few rich chords the melody ceased. Mr. Yocomb glanced at his wife, +then instantly folded his hands and assumed an attitude of reverent +expectancy. Reuben did likewise. At the cessation of the music Adah +opened her eyes, and by an instinct or habit seemed to know what to +expect, for her face regained the quiet repose it had worn at the +meeting-house in the morning. + +Miss Warren turned toward Mrs. Yocomb, and sat with bowed head. For a +few moments we remained in perfect silence. There was a faint flash of +light, followed after an interval by a low, deep reverberation. The +voices in nature seemed heavy and threatening. The sweet, gentle +monotone of the woman's voice, as she began to speak, was divine in +contrast. Slowly she enunciated the sentences: + +"What I do, thou knowest not now: but thou shalt know hereafter." + +After a pause she continued: "As the dear young friend was playing, +these words were borne in upon my mind. They teach the necessity of +faith. Thanks be to the God of heaven and earth, that He who spake +these words is so worthy of the faith He requires! The disciple of old +could not always understand his Lord; no more can we. We often shrink +from that which is given in love, and grasp at that which would +destroy. Though but little, weak, erring children, we would impose on +the all-wise God our way, instead of meekly accepting His way. Surely, +the One who speaks has a right to do what pleases His divine will. He +is the sovereign One, the Lord of lords; and though He slay me, yet +will I trust in Him. + +"But though it is a King that speaks, He does not speak as a king. He +is talking to His friends; He is serving them with a humility and +meekness that no sinful mortal has surpassed. He is proving, by the +plain, simple teaching of actions, that we are not merely His subjects, +but His brethren, His sisters; and that with Him we shall form one +household of faith, one family in God. He is teaching the sin of +arrogance and the folly of pride. He is proving, for all time, that +serving--not being served--is God's patent of nobility. We should not +despise the lowliest, for none can stoop so far as He stooped." + +Every few moments her low, sweet voice had, as an accompaniment, +distant peals of thunder, that after every interval rolled nearer and +jarred heavier among the mountains. More than once I saw Miss Warren +start nervously, and glance apprehensively at the open window where I +sat, and through which the lightning gleamed with increasing vividness. +Adah maintained the same utterly quiet, impassive face, and it seemed +to me that she heard nothing and thought of nothing. Her eyes were +open; her mind was asleep. She appeared an exquisite breathing +combination of flesh and blood, and nothing more. Reuben looked at his +mother with an expression of simple affection; but one felt that he did +not realize very deeply what she was saying; but Mr. Yocomb's face +glowed with an honest faith and strong approval. + +"The Master said," continued Mrs. Yocomb, after one of the little +pauses that intervened between her trains of thought, "'What I do, thou +knowest not now.' There He might have stopped. Presuming is the subject +that asks his king for the why and wherefore of all that he does. The +king is the highest of all; and if he be a king in truth, he sees the +furthest of all. It is folly for those beneath the throne to expect to +see so far, or to understand why the king, in his far-reaching +providence, acts in a way mysterious to them. Our King is kingly, and +He sees the end from the beginning. His plans reach through eternities. +Why should He ever be asked to explain to such as we? Nevertheless, to +the fishermen of Galilee, and to us, He does say, 'Thou shalt know +hereafter.' + +"The world is full of evil. We meet its sad mysteries on every side, in +every form. It often touches us very closely--" For a moment some deep +emotion choked her utterance. Involuntarily, I glanced at Adah. Her +eyes were drooping a little heavily again, and her bosom rose and fell +in the long, quiet breath of complete repose. Miss Warren was regarding +the suffering mother with the face of a pitying angel. + +"And its evils _are_ evil," resumed the sad-hearted woman, in a tone +that was full of suppressed anguish; "at least, they seem so, and I +don't understand them--I can't understand them, nor why they are +permitted; but He has promised that good shall come out of the evil, +and has said, 'Thou shalt know hereafter.' Oh, blessed hereafter! when +all clouds shall have rolled away, and in the brightness of my Lord's +presence every mystery that now troubles me shall be made clear. Dear +Lord, I await Thine own time. Do what seemeth good in Thine own eyes;" +and she meekly folded her hands and bowed her head. For a moment or two +there was the same impressive silence that fell upon us before she +spoke. Then a louder and nearer peal of thunder awakened Zillah, who +raised her head from her mother's lap and looked wonderingly around, as +if some one had called her. + +Never had I witnessed such a scene before, and I turned toward the +darkness that I might hide the evidence of feelings that I could not +control. + +A second later I sprang to my feet, exclaiming, "Wonderful!" + +Miss Warren came toward me with apprehension in her face, but I saw +that she noted my moist eyes. + +I hastened from the room, saying, "Come out on the lawn, all of you, +for we may now witness a scene that is grand indeed." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +ONE OF NATURE'S TRAGEDIES + + +I had been so interested in Mrs. Yocomb's words, their effect on the +little group around her, and the whole sacred mystery of the scene, +that I had ceased to watch the smoking mountain, with its increasingly +lurid apex. In the meantime the fire had fully reached the summit, on +which stood a large dry tree, and it had become a skeleton of flame. +Through this lurid fire and smoke the full moon was rising, its silver +disk discolored and partially obscured. + +This scene alone, as we gathered on the piazza and lawn below it, might +well have filled us with awe and wonder; but a more impressive +combination was forming. Advancing from the southwest, up the star-lit +sky, which the moon was brightening momentarily, was a cloud whose +blackness and heaviness the vivid lightning made only the more apparent. + +"I am an old man," said Mr. Yocomb, "but I never saw anything so grand +as this before." + +"Mother, mother," said little Zillah, "I'm afraid. Please take me +upstairs and put me to bed." And the mother, to whom the scene in the +heavens was a glorious manifestation of the God she loved rather than +feared, denied herself of what was almost like a vision, for the sake +of the child. + +"It's awful," said Adah; "I won't look at it any longer. I don't see +why we can't have nice quiet showers that one can go to sleep in;" and +she disappeared within the house. Reuben sat down on the piazza, in his +quiet, undemonstrative way. Miss Warren came down and stood close to +Mr. Yocomb's side, as if she half unconsciously sought the good man's +protection. + +Incessant lightnings played from some portion of the cloud, zigzagging +in fiery links and forkings, while, at brief intervals, there would be +an exceptionally vivid flash, followed more and more closely by heavier +and still heavier explosions. But not a leaf stirred around us: the +chirp of a cricket was sharply distinct in the stillness. The stars +shone serenely over our heads, and the moon, rising to the left out of +the line of the smoke and fire, was assuming her silvery brightness, +and at the same time rendering the burning mountain more lurid from +contrast. + +"Herbert, Herbert, now I know how brave you were," I heard Miss Warren +exclaim, in a low, awed tone. + +I saw by the frequent flashes that she was very pale, and that she was +trembling. + +"You mean your brother," I said gently. + +With her eyes fixed on the threatening and advancing cloud as if +fascinated by it, she continued in the same tone, that was full of +indescribable dread: "Yes, yes, I never realized it so fully before, +and yet I have lain awake whole nights, going, by an awful necessity, +over every scene of that terrible day. He stood in his place in the +line of battle on an open plain, and he watched battery after battery +come down from the heights above and open fire. He stood there till he +was slain, looking steadily at death. This cloud that is coming makes +me understand the more awful storm of war that he faced. Oh, I wish +this hadn't happened," and there was almost agony in her tone. "I'm not +brave as he was, and every nearer peal of thunder shakes my very soul." + +Mr. Yocomb put his hand tenderly on her shoulder as he said: + +"My dear, foolish little child--as if thy Father in heaven would hurt +thee!" + +"Miss Warren," I said earnestly, "I have too little of Mr. and Mrs. +Yocomb's faith; but it seems impossible that anything coming from +heaven could harm you." + +She drew closer to Mr. Yocomb's side, but still looked at the cloud +with the same wide-eyed dread, as if spellbound by it. + +"To me," she resumed in her former tone, that only became more hurried +and full of fear as the tempest approached, "these awful storms are no +part of heaven. They are wholly of earth, and seem the counterparts of +those wild outbreaks of human passion from which I and so many poor +women in the past have suffered;" and a low sob shook her frame. "I +wish I had more of good Mr. Yocomb's spirit; for this appalling cloud +seems to me the very incarnation of evil. Why _does_ God permit such +things?" + +With a front as calm and serene as that of any ancient prophet could +have been, Mr. Yocomb began repeating the sublime words, "The voice of +Thy thunder was in the heavens; the lightnings lightened the world." + +"Oh, no, no!" cried the trembling girl, "the God I worship is not in +the storm nor in the fire, but in the still small voice of love. You +may think me very weak to be so moved, but truly I cannot help it. My +whole nature shrinks from this." I took her hand as I said warmly, "I +do understand you, Miss Warren. Unconsciously you have fully explained +your mood and feeling. It's in truth your nature, your sensitive, +delicate organism, that shrinks from this wild tumult that is coming. +In the higher moral tests of courage, when the strongest man might +falter and fail, you would be quietly steadfast." + +She gave my hand a quick, strong pressure, and then withdrew it as she +said, "I hope you are right; you interpret me so generously that I hope +I may some day prove you right." + +"I need no proof. I saw your very self in the garden." + +"How strange--how strange it all is!" she resumed, with a manner that +betokened a strong nervous excitability. "Can this be the same +world--these the same scenes that were so full of peace and beauty an +hour ago? How tremendous is the contrast between the serene, lovely +June day and evening just passed and this coming tempest, whose sullen +roar I already hear with increasing dread! Mr. Morton, you said in jest +that this was a day of fate. Why did you use the expression? It haunts +me, oppresses me. Possibly it is. I rarely give way to presentiments, +but I dread the coming of this storm inexpressibly. Oh!" and she +trembled violently as a heavier peal than we had yet heard filled the +wide valley with awful echoes. + +"Not even a sparrow shall fall to the ground without your Father. We +are safe, my child. God will shield thee more lovingly than I;" and he +drew her closer to him. + +"I know what you say is true, and yet I cannot control this mortal fear +and weakness." + +"No, Miss Warren, you cannot," I said; "therefore do not blame +yourself. You tremble as these trees and shrubs will be agitated in a +few moments, because you cannot help it." + +"You are not so moved." + +"No, nor will that post be moved," I replied, with a reckless laugh. "I +must admit that I am very much excited, however, for the air is full of +electricity. I can't help thinking of the little robins in a home open +to the sky." + +Her only answer was a low sob, but not for a moment did she take her +wide, terror-stricken gaze from the cloud whose slow, deliberate +advance was more terrible than gusty violence would have been. + +The phenomena had now become so awful that we did not speak again for +some moments. The great inky mass was extending toward the eastward, +and approaching the fire burning on the mountain-top, and the moon +rising above and to the left of it; and from beneath its black shadow +came a heavy, muffled sound that every moment deepened and intensified. + +Suddenly, as if shaken by a giant's hands, the tree-tops above us +swayed to and fro; then the shrubbery along the paths seemed full of +wild terror and writhed in every direction. + +Hitherto the moon had shone on the cloud with as serene a face as that +with which Mr. Yocomb had watched its approach, but now a scud of vapor +swept like a sudden pallor across her disk, giving one the odd +impression that she had just realized her peril, and then an abyss of +darkness swallowed her up. For a few moments longer the fire burned on, +and then the cloud with its torrents settled down upon it, and the +luridly luminous point became opaque. + +The night now alternated between utter darkness and a glare in which +every leaf and even the color of the tossing roses were distinct. + +After the first swirl of wind passed, there fell upon nature round us a +silence that was like breathless expectation, or the cowering from a +blow that cannot be averted, and through the stillness the sound of the +advancing tempest came with awful distinctness, while far back among +the mountains the deep reverberations scarcely ceased a moment. + +Broken masses of vapor, the wild skirmish line of the storm, passed +over our heads, blotting out the stars. The trees and shrubbery were +bending helplessly to the gust, and Miss Warren could scarcely stand +before its violence. The great elm swayed its drooping branches over +the house as if to protect it. The war and whirl of the tempest was all +about us, the coming rain reminded one of the resounding footsteps of +an innumerable host, and great drops fell here and there like +scattering shots. + +"Come in, my child," said Mr. Yocomb; "the storm will soon be passed, +and thee and the robins shall yet have quiet sleep to-night. I've seen +many such wild times among the mountains, and nothing worse than +clearer skies and better grain followed. You will hear the robins +singing--" + +A blinding flash of lightning, followed by such a crash as I hope I may +never hear again, prevented further reassuring words, and he had to +half support her into the house. + +I had never been in a battle, but I know that the excitement which +mastered me must have been akin to the grand exaltation of conflict, +wherein a man thinks and acts by moments as if they were hours and +years. Well he may, when any moment, may end his life. But the thought +of death scarcely entered my mind. I had no presentiment of harm to +myself, but feared that the dwelling or outbuildings might be struck. + +Almost with the swiftness of lightning came the calculation: + +"Estimating distance and time, the next discharge of electricity will +be directly over the house. If there's cause, which God forbid, may I +have the nerve and power to serve those who have been so kind!" + +As I thought, I ran to an open space which commanded a view of the +farmhouse. Scarcely had I reached it before my eyes were blinded for a +second by what seemed a ball of intense burning light shot vertically +into the devoted home. + +"O God!" I gasped, "it is the day of fate." For a moment I seemed +paralyzed, but the igniting roof beside the chimney roused me at once. + +"Reuben!" I shouted. + +A flash of lightning revealed him still seated quietly on the piazza, +as if he had heard nothing. I rushed forward, and shook him by the +shoulder. + +"Come, be a man; help me. Quick!" and I half dragged him to a +neighboring cherry-tree, against which I had noticed that a ladder +rested. + +By this time he seemed to recover his senses, and in less than a moment +we had the ladder against the house. Within another moment he had +brought me a pail of water from the kitchen. + +"Have two more pails ready," I cried, mounting the low, sloping roof. + +The water I carried, and rain, which now began to fall in torrents, +extinguished the external fire, but I justly feared that the woodwork +had been ignited within. Hastening back at perilous speed, I said to +Reuben, who stood ready: "Take one of the pails and lead the way to the +attic and the rooms upstairs." + +The house was strangely and awfully quiet as we rushed in. + +I paused a second at the parlor door. Miss Warren lay motionless upon +the floor, and Mr. Yocomb sat quietly in his great armchair. + +A sickening fear almost overwhelmed me, but I exclaimed loudly, "Mr. +Yocomb, rouse yourself; I smell fire; the house is burning!" + +He did not move nor answer, and I followed Reuben, who was half-way up +the stairs. It took but a few seconds to reach the large, old-fashioned +garret, which already was filling with smoke. + +"Lead the way to the chimney," I shouted to Reuben in my terrible +excitement. "Do not waste a drop of water. Let me put it on when I find +just where the fire is." + +Through the smoke I now saw a lurid point. A stride brought me thither, +and I threw part of the water in my pail up against it. The hissing and +sputtering proved that we had hit on the right spot, while the torrents +falling on the roof so dampened the shingles that further ignition from +without was impossible. + +"We must go down a moment to breathe," I gasped, for the smoke was +choking us. + +As we reached the story in which were the sleeping apartments, I cried: + +"Great God! Why don't some of the family move or speak?" + +Hitherto Reuben had realized only the peril of his home; but now he +rushed into his mother's room, calling her in a tone that I shall never +forget. + +A second later he uttered my name in a strange, awed tone, and I +entered hesitatingly. Little Zillah apparently lay sleeping in her +crib, and Mrs. Yocomb was kneeling by her bedside. + +"Mother!" said Reuben, in a loud whisper. + +She did not answer. + +He knelt beside her, put his arm around her, and said, close to her +ear, "Mother! why don't you speak to me?" She made no response, and I +saw that she leaned so heavily forward on the bed as to indicate utter +unconsciousness. + +The boy sprang up, and gazed at me with wild questioning in his eyes. + +"Reuben!" I said quickly, "she's only stunned by the lightning. Will +you prove yourself a man, and help me in what must be done? Life may +depend upon it." + +"Yes," eagerly. + +"Then help me lift your mother on the bed; strong and gentle, +now--that's it." + +I put my hand over her heart. + +"She is not dead," I exclaimed joyously; "only stunned. Let us go to +the attic again, for we must keep shelter this wild night." + +We found that the smoke had perceptibly lessened; I dashed the other +pail of water on the spot that had been burning, then found that I +could place my hand on it. We had been just in time, for there was +light woodwork near that communicated with the floor, and the attic was +full of dry lumber, and herbs hanging here and there, that would have +burned like tinder. Had these been burning we could not have entered +the garret, and as it was we breathed with great difficulty. The roof +still resounded to the fall of such torrents that I felt that the +dwelling was safe, unless it had become ignited in the lower stories, +and it was obviously our next duty to see whether this was the case. + +"Reuben," I said, "fill the pails once more, while I look through the +house and see if there's fire anywhere else. It's clear that all who +were in the house were stunned--even you were, slightly, on the +piazza--so don't give way to fright on their account. If you do as I +bid, you may do much to save their lives; but we must first make sure +the house is safe. If it isn't, we must carry them all out at once." + +He comprehended me, and went for the water instantly. + +I again looked into Mrs. Yocomb's room. It was impregnated with a +strong sulphurous odor, and I now saw that there was a discolored line +down the wall adjoining the chimney, and that little Zillah's crib +stood nearer the scorching line of fire than Mrs. Yocomb had been. But +the child looked quiet and peaceful, and I hastened away. + +My own room was dark and safe. I opened the door of Miss Warren's room, +and a flash of lightning, followed by complete darkness, showed that +nothing was amiss. + +I then opened another door, and first thought the apartment on fire, it +was so bright; but instantly saw that two lamps were burning, and that +Adah lay dressed upon the bed, with her face turned toward them. By +this common device she had sought to deaden the vivid lightning. Her +face was white as the pillow on which it rested; her eyes were closed, +and from her appearance she might have been sleeping or dead. Even +though almost overwhelmed with dread, I could not help noting her +wonderful beauty. In my abnormal and excited condition of mind, +however, it seemed a natural and essential part of the strange, +unexpected experiences of the day. + +I was now convinced that there was no fire in the second story, and the +thought of Miss Warren drew me instantly away. I already had a strange +sense of self-reproach that I had not gone to her at once, feeling as +if I had discarded the first and most sacred claim. I met Reuben on the +stairway, and told him that the second story was safe, and asked him to +look through the first story and cellar, and then to go for a physician +as fast as the fleetest horse could carry him. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE LIGHTNING AND A SUBTLER FLAME + + +On entering the parlor, I found Mr. Yocomb standing up and looking +around in a dazed manner. He did not seem to know me, and in my deep +anxiety I did not heed him. Kneeling beside Miss Warren, I found that +her pulse was very feeble. I lifted her gently upon the sofa, and threw +open a window, so that the damp, gusty wind, full of spray from the +rain, might blow in upon her. + +Mr. Yocomb laid his hand heavily on my shoulder, and asked, in a thick +voice, "What does it all mean?" + +I saw that he was deathly pale, and that he tottered. Taking his arm, I +supported him to a lounge in the hall, and said, "Mr. Yocomb, you were +taken ill. You must lie down quietly till the physician comes." + +He seemed so confused and unable to think that he accepted my +explanation. Indeed, he soon became so ill from the effects of the +shock that he could not rise. + +Again I knelt at Miss Warren's side, and began chafing her hands; but +the cool wind and spray did the most to revive her. She opened her +eyes, looked at me fixedly a few moments, and then tried to rise. + +"Please keep quiet," I said, "till I bring you some brandy;" and I +hastened to my room, tore open my valise, and was soon moistening her +lips from a small flask. After swallowing a little she regained +self-possession rapidly. + +"What happened?" she asked. + +"I fear you swooned." + +She passed her hand over her brow, and looked around as if in search, +of some one, then said, "Where is Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"She is in her room with Zillah." + +"Please let me go to her;" and she again essayed to rise. + +"Miss Warren," I said gently, "I have no right to ask a favor of you, +but I will thank you very much if you will just remain quietly on this +sofa till you are better. You remember we had a frightful storm. I +never knew such heavy thunder." + +"Ah! there it is again," she said, shuddering, as a heavy peal rolled +away to the north. + +"Miss Warren, you said once to-day that you could trust me. You can. I +assure you the storm is past; there is no more danger from it, but +there is danger unless you do as I bid you. Remain quietly here till +you have recovered from--from your nervous prostration. I happen to +have some knowledge in a case of this kind, and I know that much +depends on your being quiet for an hour or more. You need not be +alarmed if you do as I bid you. I will see to it that some one is +within call all the time;" and I tried to speak cheerfully and +decisively. + +She smiled as she said, "Since you have assumed the role of doctor, +I'll obey, for I know how arbitrary the profession is." + +Then she again reclined wearily on the sofa, and I went out, closing +the door. + +I found Reuben beside his father, who certainly needed care, for the +terrible nausea which attends recovery from a severe shock from +electricity had set in. + +"Reuben," I urged, "_do_ go for the doctor; I'll do everything for your +father that I can, but we must have a good physician at once. Go in +your buggy as fast as you can drive in the dark--can't you take a +lantern?--and bring the doctor with you. First tell him what has +happened, so that he can bring the proper remedies. Be a man, Reuben; +much depends on you to-night." + +Within five minutes I heard the swift feet of Dapple splash out upon +the road. The night was growing still and close, and the gusts occurred +at longer intervals. The murky cloud had covered the sky, utterly +obscuring the moonlight, and there was a steady and heavy fall of rain. + +After Reuben had gone, a terrible sense of isolation and helplessness +oppressed me. I remembered strange tales of lightning and its effects +that I had heard. Would the mother and her two daughters survive? Was +Mr. Yocomb seriously ill? But I found that the anxiety which tortured +me most was in behalf of the one who gave the best promise of speedy +recovery; and it was my chief hope that she would remain quietly where +I had left her till the physician arrived. I had pretended to a far +greater knowledge than I possessed, since in truth I had had very +little experience in illness. If Miss Warren should leave the parlor, +and thus learn that the farmhouse might become the scene of an awful +tragedy, the effect upon her would probably be disastrous in the +extreme. + +These and like thoughts were coursing swiftly through my mind as I +waited upon Mr. Yocomb, and sought to give him relief. + +"Ice!" he gasped; "it's in cellar." + +I snatched up the candle that Reuben had left burning on the +hall-table, and went for it. The place was strange, and I was not as +quick and deft as many others would have been, and so was absent some +moments. + +Great was my surprise and consternation when I returned, for Miss +Warren stood beside Mr. Yocomb, holding his head. + +"Why are you here?" I asked, and my tone and manner betokened deep +trouble. + +"I'm better," she said, quietly and firmly. + +"Miss Warren," I remonstrated, "I won't answer for the consequences if +you don't go back to the parlor and remain there till the doctor comes. +I know what I'm about." + +"You don't look as if master of the situation. You are haggard--you +seem half desperate--" + +"I'm anxious about you, and if--" + +"Mr. Morton, you are far more anxious about others. I've had time to +think. A swoon is not such a desperate affair. You guessed rightly--a +thunderstorm prostrates me, but as it passes I am myself again." + +After aiding Mr. Yocomb to recline feebly on the lounge, she came to +the table where I was breaking the ice, and said, in a low tone: + +"Something very serious has happened." + +I could not look at her. I dared not to speak even, for I was oppressed +with the dread of a worse tragedy. With her morbid fear of lightning +she might almost lose her reason if now, in her weak, unnerved +condition, she saw its effect on Mrs. Yocomb and Adah. + +"Mother," moaned Mr. Yocomb; "why don't mother come?" + +"She's with Zillah upstairs," I faltered. "Zillah's ill!" + +"Then why does not Adah come to her father?" Miss Warren questioned, +looking at me keenly. + +I felt that disguise was useless. + +"Mr. Morton, your hand so trembles that you can scarcely break the ice. +Something dreadful has happened--there's the smell of smoke and fire in +the house. Tell me, tell me!" and she laid her hand appealingly on my +arm. + +"Oh, Miss Warren," I groaned, "let me shield you. If further harm +should come to you to-night--" + +"Further harm will come unless you treat me as a woman, not as a +child," she said firmly. "I know you mean it kindly, and no doubt I +have seemed weak enough to warrant any amount of shielding." + +At this moment there came a peal of thunder from the passing storm, and +she sank shudderingly into a chair. As it passed she sprang up and said: + +"I can't help that, but I can and will help you. I understand it all. +The house has been struck, and Zillah, Adah, and Mr. Yocomb have been +hurt. Let me feed Mr. Yocomb with the ice. Are you sure he should have +ice? I would give him brandy first if I had my way, but you said you +knew--" + +"Miss Warren, I don't know--I'm in mortal terror in behalf of the +family; but my chief dread has been that you would come to know the +truth, and now I can't keep it from you. If you can be brave and strong +enough to help me in this emergency, I will honor you and thank you +every day of my life." + +"Mother! mother! why doesn't mother come?" Mr. Yocomb called. + +Miss Warren gave me a swift glance that was as reassuring as sunlight, +and then went quietly into the parlor. A moment later she was giving +Mr. Yocomb brandy and water, and quieting him with low, gentle words. + +"You remember, Mr. Yocomb," she said, "that Zillah was greatly +frightened by the storm. You would not have the mother leave the child +just yet. Mr. Morton, will you go upstairs and see if I can be of any +assistance? I will join you there as soon as I have made Mr. Yocomb a +little more comfortable," and she went to the parlor and brought out +another pillow, and then threw open the hall-door in order that her +patient might have more air, for he respired slowly and laboriously. +Her words seemed to quiet him, and he gave himself into her hands. I +looked at her wonderingly for a moment, then said, in a low tone: + +"You are indeed a woman and a brave one. I recognize my superior +officer, and resign command at once." + +She shook her head as she gave me a glimmer of a smile, but urged, in a +whisper, "Hasten, we must not lose a moment." + +I swiftly mounted the stairs, relieved of my chief anxiety. + +Through the open door I saw Adah's fair white face. She had not +stirred. I now ventured in and spoke to her, but she was utterly +unconscious. Taking her hand I was overjoyed to find a feeble pulse. + +"It may all yet be well. God grant it," I muttered. + +"He will," said Miss Warren, who had joined me almost immediately; +"this is not a day of fate, I trust;" and she began moistening Adah's +lips with brandy, and trying to cause her to swallow a little, while I +chafed her pretty hands and rubbed brandy on her wrists. + +"It seems to me as if an age, crowded with events, had elapsed since I +started on my aimless walk this morning," I said, half in soliloquy. + +"That you were directed hither will be cause for lasting gratitude. Was +not the house on fire?" + +"Yes, but Reuben was invaluable. He was out on the piazza, and so was +not hurt." + +"Was Mrs. Yocomb hurt?" she asked, looking at me in wild alarm. + +"Please do not fail me," I entreated; "you have been so brave thus far. +Mrs. Yocomb will soon revive, I think. You were unconscious at first." + +She now realized the truth that Mrs. Yocomb was not caring for Zillah, +and hastened to their room, impelled by an overmastering affection for +the woman who had treated her with motherly kindness. + +I followed her, and assured her that her friend was living. It needed +but a moment to see that this was true, but little Zillah scarcely gave +any sign of life. Both were unconscious. + +The young girl now looked at me as if almost overwhelmed, and said, in +a low shuddering tone, "This is awful--far worse than I feared; I do +wish the doctor was here." + +"He must be here soon. I know you won't give way. In great emergencies +a true woman is great. You may save--" + +A thunder-peal from the retreating storm drowned my words. She grew +white, and would have fallen had I not caught her and supported her to +a chair. + +"Give me--a few moments," she gasped, "and I'll be--myself again. This +shock is awful. Why, we would all have burned up--had you not put the +fire out," and her eyes dilated with horror. + +"We have no time for words," I said, brusquely. "Here, take this +brandy, and then let us do everything in our power to save life. I +scarcely know what to do, but something must be done. If we can only do +the right thing, all may yet be well." + +In a moment the weakness passed, and she was her brave, quiet self once +more. + +"I won't fail you again," she said resolutely, as she tried to force a +little brandy between Mrs. Yocomb's pallid lips. + +"You are a genuine woman," I replied heartily, as I chafed Mrs. +Yocomb's wrists with the spirits; "I know how terrible the ordeal has +been for you, and most young ladies would have contributed to the +occasion nothing but hysterics." + +"And you feared I would." + +"I feared worse. You are morbidly timid in a thunder-storm, and I +dreaded your learning what you now know beyond measure." + +"You were indeed burdened," she said, looking at me with strong +sympathy. + +"No matter. If you can keep up and suffer no ill consequences from this +affair, I believe that the rest will come through all right. After all, +they are affected only physically, but you--" + +"I have been a little weak-minded. I know it. But if it doesn't thunder +any more I'll keep up. Ever since I was a child the sound of thunder +paralyzed me. Thank God, Mrs. Yocomb is beginning to revive." + +"I will leave her in your care, and see if I can do anything for Mr. +Yocomb. I thus show that I trust you fully." + +As I passed out I heard a faint voice call, "Mother!" + +Going to the door of Adah's room I saw that she was conscious, and +feebly trying to rise. As I entered she looked at me in utter +bewilderment, then shrank with instinctive fear from the presence of a +seeming intruder. I saw the impulse of her half-conscious mind, and +called Miss Warren, who came at once, and her presence seemed +reassuring. + +"What's the matter?" she asked, with the same thick utterance that I +had noted in Mr. Yocomb's voice. It seemed as if the organs of speech +were partially paralyzed. + +"You have been ill, my dear, but now you are much better. The doctor +will be here soon," Miss Warren said soothingly. + +She seemed to comprehend the words imperfectly, and turned her +wondering eyes toward me. + +"Oh, that the doctor would come!" I groaned. "Here you have two on your +hands, and Mr. Yocomb is calling." + +"Who's that?" asked Adah, feebly pointing to me. + +"You remember Mr. Morton," Miss Warren said quietly, bathing the girl's +face with cologne. "You brought him home from meeting this morning." + +The girl's gaze was so fixed and peculiar that it held me a moment, and +gave the odd impression of the strong curiosity of one waking up in a +new world. Suddenly she closed her eyes and fell back faint and sick. +At that moment, above the sound of the rain, I heard the quick splash +of a horse's feet, and hastened down to greet the doctor. + +In a few hasty words I added such explanation of the catastrophe as +Reuben's partial account rendered necessary, and by the time I had +finished we were at Mrs. Yocomb's door. Mr. Yocomb seemed sufficiently +at rest to be left for a while. + +"This is Miss Warren," I said. "She will be your invaluable assistant, +but you must be careful of her, since she, too, has suffered very +severely, and, I fear, is keeping up on the strength of her brave will, +mainly." + +The physician, fortunately, was a good one, and his manner gave us +confidence from the start. + +"I think I understand the affair sufficiently," he said; "and the best +thing you can do for my patients, and for Miss Warren also, Mr. Morton, +is to have some strong black coffee made as soon as possible. That will +now prove an invaluable remedy, I think." + +"I'll show you where the coffee is," Miss Warren added promptly. +"Unfortunately--perhaps fortunately--Mrs. Yocomb let the woman who +assisted her go away for the night. Had she been here she might have +been another burden." + +Even though I had but a moment or two in the room, I saw that the +doctor was anxious about little Zillah. + +As Miss Warren waited on me I said earnestly, "What a godsend you are!" + +"No," she replied with a tone and glance that, to me, were sweeter and +more welcome than all the June sunshine of that day. "I was here, and +you were sent." Then her eyes grew full of dread, reminding me of the +gaze she had bent on the storm before which she had cowered. "The house +was on fire," she said; "we were all helpless--unconscious. You saved +us. I begin to realize it all." + +"Come, Miss Warren, you now are 'seeing double.' Here, Reuben," I said +to the young fellow, who came dripping in from the barn. "I want to +introduce you in a new light. Miss Warren doesn't half know you yet, +and I wish her to realize that you are no longer a boy, but a brave, +level-headed man, that even when stunned by lightning could do as much +as I did." + +"Now, Richard Morton, I didn't do half as much as thee did. How's +mother?" and he spoke with a boy's ingenuousness. + +"Doing well under the care of the doctor you brought," I said; "and if +you will now help me make this dying fire burn up quickly, she will +have you to thank more than any one else when well again." + +"I'm going to thank you now," Miss Warren exclaimed, seizing both of +his hands. "God bless you, Reuben! You don't realize what you have done +for us all." + +The young fellow looked surprised. "I only did what Richard Morton told +me," he protested, "and that wasn't much." + +"Well, there's a pair of you," she laughed. "The fire put itself out, +and Dapple went after the doctor." Then, as if overwhelmed with +gratitude, she clasped her hands and looked upward, as she said, in +low, thrilling tones: "Thank God, oh thank God! what a tragedy we have +escaped!" + +"Yes," I said, "it might have been a day of fate indeed. Life would +have been an unendurable burden if what you feared had happened. What's +more, I would have lost my faith in God had such a home and its inmates +been destroyed. The thought of it makes me sick," and I sank into a +chair. + +"We must not think of it," she cried earnestly, "for there's much to be +done still. There, I've helped you all I can here. When the coffee's +ready, call me, and I'll come for it. Get on dry clothes as soon as you +can, Reuben, for you can be of great service to us upstairs. I'm +astonished at you, Mr. Morton, you haven't any nerve at all--you who +have dealt in conflagrations, murders, wars, pestilences, earthquakes, +writing them up in the most harrowing, blood-curdling style; you have +absolutely turned white and faint because the inmates of a farmhouse +were shocked. I won't believe you are an editor at all unless you call +me within five minutes." + +Whether because her piquant words formed just the spur I needed, or +because she had a mysterious power over me which made her will mine, I +threw off the depression into which I had reacted from my overwhelming +excitement and anxiety, and soon had my slowly kindling fire burning +furiously, dimly conscious in the meantime that deep in my heart +another and subtler flame was kindling also. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +KINDLING A SPARK OF LIFE + + +I soon had coffee made that was as black as the night without. Instead +of calling Miss Warren, I took a tray from the dining-room, and carried +it with several cups upstairs. + +"Bring it here!" called the doctor. + +I entered Mrs. Yocomb's room, and found that she had quite fully +revived, and that Reuben had supported his father thither also. He +reclined on the lounge, and his usually ruddy face was very pale. Both +he and his wife appeared almost helpless; but the doctor had succeeded +in arresting, by the use of ice, the distressing nausea that had +followed consciousness. They looked at me in a bewildered manner as I +entered, and could not seem to account for my presence at once. Nor did +they, apparently, try to do so long, for their eyes turned toward +little Zillah with a deeply troubled and perplexed expression, as if +they were beginning to realize that the child was very ill, and that +events of an extraordinary character had happened. + +"Let me taste the coffee," said the doctor. "Ah! that's the kind--black +and strong. See how it will bring them around," and he made Mr. and +Mrs. Yocomb each swallow a cup of it. + +"Miss Warren," he called, "give some of this to Miss Adah, if she is +quiet enough to take it. I cannot leave the child." + +Miss Warren came at once. Her face was clouded and anxious, and she +looked with eager solicitude toward the still unconscious Zillah, whose +hands Reuben was chafing. + +"I think Miss Adah will soon be better," she replied to the doctor's +inquiring glance, and she went back to her charge. + +"Take some yourself," said the physician to me, in a low tone. "I fear +we are going to have a serious time with the little girl." + +"You do not realize," I urged, "that Miss Warren needs keeping up +almost as truly as any of them." + +"You'll have to take care of her then," said the doctor hastily; "she +seems to be doing well herself, and doing well for others. Take her +some coffee, and say that I said she must drink it." + +I knocked at Adah's door and called, "Miss Warren, the doctor says you +must drink this coffee." + +"In a few moments," she answered, and after a little time she came out. + +"Where's your cup?" she asked. "Have you taken any?" + +"Not yet, of course." + +"Why of course? If you want me to drink this you must get some at once." + +"There may not be enough. I don't know how much the doctor may need." + +"Then get a cup, and I'll give you half of this." + +"Never," I answered promptly. "Do as the doctor bade you." + +She went swiftly to Mrs. Yocomb's room and filled another cup. + +"I pledge you my word I won't touch a drop till you have taken this. +You don't realize what you have been through, Mr. Morton. Your hand so +trembled that you could scarcely carry the cup; you are all unnerved. +Come," she added gravely, "you must be in a condition to help, for I +fear Zillah is in a critical condition." + +"I'm not going to break down," I said resolutely. "Give it to Reuben. +Poor fellow, he was very wet." + +She looked at my clothes, and then exclaimed: + +"Why, Mr. Morton, don't you know you are wet through and through?" + +"Am I?" and I looked down at my soaked garments. + +"I don't believe you have a dry thread on you." + +"I've been too excited to think of it. Of course, I got wet on the +roof; but what's a summer shower! Your coffee's getting cold." + +"So is yours." + +"You have the doctor's orders." + +"I would be glad if my wishes weighed a little with you," she said, +appealingly. + +"There, Miss Warren, if you put it that way I'd drink gall and +vinegar," and I gulped down the coffee. + +She vanished into Adah's room, saying, "You must take my word for it +that I drink mine. I shall sip it while waiting on my patient." + +Having insisted on Reuben's taking some also, I returned to the kitchen +and made a new supply. Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's extreme prostration, both +mental and physical, perplexed me. Their idolized child was still +unconscious, and yet they could only look on in wondering and perplexed +anxiety. I afterward learned that a partial paralysis of every faculty, +especially of memory, was a common effect of a severe shock of +electricity. It was now evident that Miss Warren, from some obscure +cause, escaped harm from lightning. The words I had employed to +reassure her turned out to be true--she had merely swooned--and thus, +on recovery, had full possession of all her faculties. + +"I would be glad if my wishes weighed a little with you," she had said. +In wonder at myself, I asked, "What weighs more with me? By what right +is this maiden, whom I have met but to-day, taking such absolute +control of my being? Am I overwrought, morbid, fanciful, deluded by an +excited imagination into beliefs and moods that will vanish in the +clear sunlight and clearer light of reason? or has the vivid lightning +revealed with absolute distinctness the woman on whom I can lean in +perfect trust, and yet must often sustain in her pathetic weakness? The +world would say we are strangers; but my heart and soul and every fibre +of my being appear to recognize a kinship so close that I feel we never +can be strangers again. It is true the lightning fuses the hardest +substances, making them one; however, I am beginning to think that my +hitherto callous nature has been smitten by a diviner fire. If so, +Heaven grant that I'm not the only one struck. + +"Well, it's a queer world. When I broke down, last Friday night, and +sat cowering before the future in my editorial sanctum, I little +dreamed that on Sunday night I should be making coffee in a good old +Quaker's kitchen, and, what is still more strange, making a divinity +out of a New York music-teacher!" + +A moment later I added, "That's a stupid way of putting it. I'm not +making a divinity out of her at all. She is one, and I've had the wit +to recognize the truth. Are her gentlemen friends all idiots that they +have not--" + +"What! talking to yourself, Mr. Morton? I fear the events of this day +are turning your head." And Miss Warren entered. + +"Speak of an angel--you know the saying." "Indeed! The only word I +heard as I entered was 'idiot.'" + +"Pardon me, you overheard the word 'idiots,' so can gather nothing from +that." + +"No, your mutterings are dark indeed. I see no light or sense in them; +but the doctor came to Adah's door and asked me for more coffee." + +"How is Miss Adah?" + +"Doing nicely. She'll sleep soon, I think." + +"I do hope little Zillah is recovering." + +"Yes, Reuben put a radiant face within the door, a few minutes since, +and said Zillah was 'coming to,' as he expressed it. Adah is doing so +well that I feel assured about the others. Now that she is becoming +quiet, I think I can leave her and help with Zillah." + +"And you're not exhausting yourself?" + +"I've not yet reached the stage of muttering delirium. Mr. Morton, will +you permit me to suggest that you go to your room and put on dry +clothes. You are not fit to be seen. Moreover, there is a mark athwart +your nose that gives to your face a sinister aspect, not becoming in +one whose deeds of darkness this night will bear the light of all +coming time. It might be appropriate in a printing-office; but I don't +intend to have little Zillah frightened. Oh, I'm so glad and grateful +that we have all escaped! There, that will do; give me the tray." + +"Beg your pardon: I shall carry it up myself. What on earth would I +have done without you in this emergency?" + +"Come, Mr. Morton, I'm not used to being disobeyed. Yes, you did look +as helpless as only a man can look when there's illness; and there's no +telling what awful remedies you might have administered before the +doctor came. I think I shall take the credit of saving all our lives, +since you and Reuben won't." + +She pushed open the door of Mrs. Yocomb's room, and her face changed +instantly. + +Little Zillah lay on the bed and was still unconscious. Mrs. Yocomb had +been moved into an armchair, and every moment comprehension of the +truth grew clearer, and her motherly solicitude was intensified. + +Reuben evidently was frightened, and the doctor's brow was knitted into +a frown of perplexity. + +"We thought she was coming to," said Reuben to Miss Warren, "but she's +gone back worse than ever." + +"Mr. Morton, I wish you to give to all a cup of that coffee and take +some yourself," said the physician, in a quiet but authoritative voice. +"Mr. Yocomb, you must not rise; you will be ill again, and I now need +all the help I can get with this child. We must try artificial +respiration, spraying the chest with cold water, and every possible +means." + +"Would to God that I could help thee!" cried Mrs. Yocomb. + +"You can help by keeping absolutely quiet. Mr. Morton, in this +emergency you must become as a brother or one of the family." + +"I am one with them to-night," I said earnestly; "let me help you in +any way." + +"You three must rub her with flannel and spirits, while I lift her arms +slowly up and down to try to induce respiration." + +The poor limp little body--how sacred it seemed to me! + +We worked and worked till the perspiration poured from our faces. Every +expedient was tried, until the physician at last desisted and stood +back for a moment in anxious thought. + +Then, in a tone broken with anguish, Mr. Yocomb exclaimed: + +"Would to God the bolt had fallen on my head, and not on this dear +little lamb." + +In bitter protest against it all I cried, "The bolt has fallen on your +heart, Mr. Yocomb. How is it that God has thunderbolts for lambs?" + +"Richard Morton, thee's unjust," began Mrs. Yocomb, in a voice that she +tried to render quiet and resigned. "Who art thou to judge God? 'What I +do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know--' Oh, my child, my +child!" broke out her wailing cry, and motherhood triumphed. + +Reuben was sobbing over his sister with all the abandon of boyish +grief, but Miss Warren stood before the little form, apparently +lifeless, with clasped hands and dilated eyes. + +"I can't--I won't give her up," she exclaimed passionately, and darted +from the room. + +I followed wonderingly. She was already in the kitchen, and had found a +large tub. + +"Fill this with hot water," she said to me. "No! let me do it; I'll +trust no one. Yes, you may carry it up, but please be careful. I'll +bring some cold water to temper it. Doctor," she exclaimed, re-entering +the room, "we must work till we know there is no chance. Yes, and after +we know it. Is not hot water good?" + +"Anything is good that will restore suspended circulation," he replied; +"we'll try it. But wait a moment. I've employed a nice test, and if +there's life I think this little expedient will reveal it." He held the +child's hand, and I noted that a string had been tied around one of the +small white fingers, and that he intently watched the part of the +finger beyond the string. I comprehended the act at once, and +recognized the truth that there would be little hope of life if this +test failed. If there was any circulation at all the string would not +prevent the blood flowing out through the artery, but it would prevent +its return, and, therefore, if there was life a faint color would +manifest itself in the finger. I bent over and held my breath in my +eager scrutiny. + +"The child's alive!" I exclaimed. + +By a quick, impressive gesture the physician checked my manifestation +of feeling and excitement as he said: + +"Yes, she's alive, and that's about all. We'll try a plunge in the hot +bath, and then friction and artificial respiration again." + +We set to work once more with double zeal under the inspiration of Miss +Warren's words and manner, but especially because assured that life +still lingered. In less than a quarter of an hour there was a +perceptible pulse. At last she was able to swallow a little stimulant, +and the faint spark of life, of which we scarcely dared to speak lest +our breath might extinguish it, began to kindle slowly. When at last +she opened her eyes, Miss Warren turned hers heavenward with a fulness +of gratitude that must have been sweet to the fatherly heart of God if +the words be true, "Like as a father pitieth his children." + +Mrs. Yocomb threw herself on her knees by the bedside, sobbing, "Thank +God! thank God!" + +Reuben was growing wild with joy, and the father, overwhelmed with +emotion, was struggling to rise, when the doctor said, in low, decided +tones: + +"Hush! Nothing must be said or done to excite or surprise her. Mr. and +Mrs. Yocomb, as you love your child, control yourselves. You, Mr. +Morton, would seem strange to her, and, with Reuben, had better leave +us now. Miss Warren will help me, and I think all will be well." + +"Don't overtax Miss Warren," I urged, lingering anxiously at the door a +moment. + +She gave me a smiling, reassuring nod, as much as to say that she would +take care of herself. + +"God bless her!" I murmured, as I sought my room. "I believe she has +saved the child." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +MY FATE + + +Having lighted the lamp in my room, I looked around it with a delicious +sense of proprietorship. Its quaint, homely comfort was just to my +taste, and now appeared doubly attractive. Chief of all, it was a +portion of the home I had had some part in saving, and we instinctively +love that which ministers to our self-complacency. An old house seems +to gain a life and being of its own, and I almost imagined it conscious +of gratitude that its existence had not been blotted out. Mrs. Yocomb's +cordial invitation to come and stay when I could gave me at the time a +glad sense that I had found a country refuge to which I could +occasionally escape when in need of rest. I felt now, however, as if +the old walls themselves would welcome me. As to the inmates of the +home, I feared that their grateful sense of the services I was so +fortunate as to render might make their boundless sense of obligation +embarrassing to me. It would be their disposition to repay an ordinary +favor tenfold, and they would always believe that Reuben and I had +saved their lives, and the old home which no doubt had long been in +their family. + +"Well, I'll never complain of fortune again," I thought, "since I've +been permitted to do for these people what I have;" and I threw myself +down on the lounge, conscious of the warm, comfortable glow imparted by +dry clothes and the strong coffee, still more conscious of an inner +satisfaction that the threatening events of the night had ended just as +I could have wished. + +"Since it was to be, thank God I was here and was able to act for the +best," I murmured. "The June sunshine and the lightning have thrown +considerable light on my future. I said to Emily Warren, 'What could I +have done without you in this emergency?' With still greater emphasis I +feel like asking, What would life be without you? It seems absurd that +one person should become essential to the life of another in a few +brief hours. And yet, why absurd? Is it not rather in accord with the +deepest and truest philosophy of life? Is the indissoluble union of two +lives to result from long and careful calculations of the pros and +cons? In true marriage it seems to me the soul should recognize its +mate when meeting it." + +It thus may be seen that I was no exception to that large class who +accept or create a philosophy pleasing to it, and there is usually +enough truth in any system to prevent its being wholly unreasonable. + +I heard a step in the hall, and as I had left my door open so that at +any sound I could spring up, I was so fortunate as to intercept the +object of my thoughts. Her face was full of deep content, but very +pale. To the eager questioning of my manner, she replied: + +"The doctor says Zillah is doing as well as we could expect. Oh, I'm so +glad!" "Miss Warren, you don't know how pale you are. When are _you_ +going to rest? I've been lying down, and my conscience troubled me as I +thought of you still working." + +"I never imagined that editors had such tender consciences," she said, +with a low laugh, and she vanished into Adah's room. + +I knew she wouldn't stay long, and remained at the end of the hall, +looking out of the window. The lightning flashes had grown faint and +distant, but they were almost incessant, and they revealed that the +clouds were growing thin toward the west, while near the horizon a star +glimmered distinctly. + +"Miss Warren," I called, as she came out of Adah's room, "I've a good +omen to show you. Do you see that star in the west? I think the morning +will be cloudless?" + +"But those flashes prove that the storm is causing fear and loss to +other and distant homes." + +"Not at all. It is, no doubt, causing 'better grain and clearer skies,' +as Mr. Yocomb said. Such an experience as we have had to-night, while +having its counterparts not infrequently, take the world over, is by no +means common." + +"Oh, I hope we may have no more heavy thunderstorms this summer. They +are about the only drawback to this lovely season." + +"You are perfectly safe so long as you remain here," I laughed; "you +know the lightning never strikes twice in the same place." + +"I hope to stay here, but for better reasons than that." + +"So do I." + +"I should think you would. You, certainly, are no longer homeless. Mr. +and Mrs. Yocomb will adopt you in spite of yourself as soon as they +realize it all. The string of the latch will always hang outside of the +door for you, I can tell you; and a nice place it will be for a city +man to come." + +"And for a city woman, too. Mrs. Yocomb had adopted you before all this +happened, and I don't believe she'll forget that you really saved +little Zillah's life." + +"The dear little thing!" she exclaimed, tears starting to her eyes. +"How pathetic her little unconscious form was!" + +"To me," I replied earnestly, "it was the most exquisite and sacred +thing I ever saw. I don't wonder you felt as you did when you said, 'I +can't--I won't give her up,' for it seemed at the moment almost as if +my life depended on her life, so powerful was her hold on my sympathy. +The doctor spoke truer than he thought, for it seems as if the +lightning had fused me into this family, and my grief would have been +almost as great as Reuben's had little Zillah not revived." + +"I feel as if it would have broken my heart," and her tears fell fast. +Dashing them away she said, "I cry as well as laugh too easily, and I'm +often so provoked that I could shake myself. I must say that I think +we're all becoming well acquainted for people who have met so recently." + +"Oh, as for you," I replied, "I knew you well in some previous state of +existence, and have just met you again." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, turning on me brusquely, "I shall not be quite +sure as to your entire sanity till you have had a long sleep. You have +seemed a little out of your head on some points ever since our extended +acquaintance began. You have appeared impressed or oppressed with the +hallucination that this day--is it to-day or to-morrow?" + +"It's to-day for a little while longer," I replied, looking at my watch. + +"Well, then, that to-day was 'a day of fate,' and you made me nervous +on the subject--" + +"Then I'm as sane as you are." + +"No, I hadn't any such nonsense in my mind till you suggested it, but +having once entertained the idea it haunted me." + +"Yes, and it haunts you still," I said, eagerly. + +"What time is it, Mr. Morton?" + +"It lacks but a few moments of midnight." + +"No," she said, laughingly, "I don't believe anything more will happen +to-day, and as soon as the old clock downstairs strikes twelve I think +the light of reason will burn again in your disordered mind. +Good-night." + +Instead of going, however, she hesitated, looked at me earnestly a +moment, then asked: + +"You said you found me unconscious?" + +"Yes." + +"How did you revive me?" + +"I carried you to the sofa under the window, which I opened. I then +chafed your hands, but I think the wind and spray restored you." + +"I don't remember fainting before; and--oh, well, this whole experience +has been so strange that I can't realize it." + +"Don't try to. If I'm a little out of my head, your soul will be out of +your body if you don't take better care of yourself. You might as well +be killed by lightning as over-fatigue. That doctor seems to think you +are made of india-rubber." + +"I've laughed to myself more than once at your injunctions to the +doctor since Zillah revived. We've had such a narrow escape that I feel +as if I ought not to laugh again for a year, but I can't help it. I +won't thank you as I meant to--it might make you vain. Good-night," and +she gave my hand a quick, strong pressure, and went swiftly back to +Mrs. Yocomb's room. + +Had my hand clasped only flesh and blood, bone and sinew? No, indeed. I +felt that I had had within my grasp a gratitude and friendly regard +that was so full and real that the warm-hearted, impulsive girl would +not trust herself to express it in words. Her manner, however, was so +frank and unconstrained that I knew her feelings to be only those of +gratitude and friendly regard, seeing clearly that she entertained no +such thoughts as had come unbidden to me. + +In spite of my fatigue, the habit of my life and the strong coffee +would have banished all thought of sleep for hours to come, if there +had been no other cause, but the touch of a little hand had put more +glad awakening life within me than all the stimulants of the world. + +I went downstairs and looked through the old house to see that all was +right, with as much solicitude as if it were indeed my own home. +Excepting the disorder I had caused in the kitchen and hall, it had the +midnight aspect of quiet and order that might have existed for a +century. + +"I would not be afraid of the ghosts that came back to this home," I +muttered. "Indeed, I would like to see Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's ancestors; +and, now I think of it, some one of them should wear a jaunty, worldly +hat to account for Adah. By Jove! but she was beautiful as she lay +there, with her perfect physical life suspended instantaneously. If the +lightning would only create a woman within the exquisite casket, the +result would well repay what we have passed through. Her mother would +say, as I suppose, that another and subtler fire from heaven were +needed for such a task." + +As I came out into the hall the great clock began to strike, in the +slow, dignified manner befitting its age-- + +"One, two, three--twelve." + +The day of fate had passed. I knew Emily Warren was laughing at me +softly to herself as she and the physician watched with the patients in +Mrs. Yocomb's room. + +I was in no mood to laugh, for every moment the truth was growing +clearer that I had met my fate. + +I looked into the parlor, in which a lamp was burning, and conjured up +the scene I had witnessed there. I saw a fair young face, with eyes +turned heavenward, and heard again the words, "My faith looks up to +Thee." + +Their faith had been sorely tried. The burning bolt from heaven seemed +a strange response to that faith; the crashing thunder a wild, harsh +echo to the girl's sweet, reverent tones. + +"Is it all chance?" I queried, "or all inexorable law? Who or what is +the author of the events of this night?" As if in answer, Mrs. Yocomb's +text came into my mind: "What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt +know hereafter." + +"Well," I muttered, "perhaps there is as much reason in their +philosophy as in any other. Somebody ought to be in charge of all this +complex life and being." + +I went out on the piazza. The rain was still falling, but softly and +lightly. A freshening breeze was driving the thin, lingering clouds +before it, and star after star looked out, as if lights were being +kindled in the western sky. The moon was still hidden, but the vapor +was not dense enough to greatly obscure her rays. In the partial light +the valley seemed wider, the mountains higher, and everything more +beautiful, in contrast with the black tempest that had so recently +filled the scene. + +I sat down on the piazza to watch with those who were watching with the +child. I made up my mind that I certainly should not retire until the +physician departed; and in my present mood I felt that my midsummer +night's dream would be to me more interesting than that of Will +Shakespeare. Hour after hour passed almost unnoted. The night became +serene and beautiful. The moon, like a confident beauty, at last threw +aside her veil of clouds, and smiled as if assured of welcome. +Raindrops gemmed every leaf; and when the breeze increased, myriads of +them sparkled momentarily through the silver light. As morning +approached the air grew so sweet that I recognized the truth that the +new flowers of a new day were opening, and that I was inhaling their +virgin perfume. + +I rose and went softly to the ivy-covered gateway of the old garden, +and the place seemed transfigured in the white moonlight. Even the +kitchen vegetables lost their homely, prosaic aspect. I stole to the +lilac-bush, and peered at the home that had been roofless through all +the wild storm. My approach had been so quiet that the little brown +mother sat undisturbed, with her head under her wing; but the paternal +robin, from an adjacent spray, regarded me with unfeigned surprise and +alarm. He uttered a note of protest, and the mother-bird instantly +raised her head and fixed on me her round, startled eyes. I stole away +hastily, smiling to myself as I said: + +"Both families will survive unharmed, and both nests are safe." + +I went to the spot where I had stood with Emily Warren at the time I +had half-jestingly, half-earnestly indulged my fancy to reproduce a bit +of Eden-like frankness. Under the influence of the hour and my mood I +was able to conjure up the maiden's form almost as if she were a real +presence. I knew her far better now. With her I had passed through an +ordeal that would test severely the best and strongest. She had been +singularly strong and very weak; but the weakness had left no stain on +her crystal truth, and her strength had been of the best and most +womanly kind. As in the twilight, so in the white moonlight, she again +made perfect harmony in the transfigured garden. + +"There is but one woman in the world for me," I murmured, "as truly as +there was only one for the first lonely man. I know not how it is with +her, but I hope--oh, what would life now be to me without this +hope!--that she cannot have inspired this absolute conviction that she +is essential to my being without some answering sympathy in her own +woman's heart. But whether this is true or not, or whether it ever can +be true, _I have met my fate_." + +As I returned from the garden I saw that the dawn was coming, and I sat +down and watched it brighten with the feeling that a new and happy life +was also coming. + +THE END OF BOOK FIRST + + + + +_BOOK SECOND_ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE DAY AFTER + + +The epochs of one's life are not divided according to the calendar, nor +are they measured by the lapse of time. Within a few brief hours I had +reached a conclusion that left no shadow of doubt on my mind. As I sat +there in the beautiful June dawn I turned a page in my history. The +record of future joys and ills would have to be kept in double entry, +for I felt with absolute conviction that I could entertain no project +and decide no question without instinctively and naturally consulting +the maiden who had quietly and as if by divine right obtained the +mastery of my soul. But a day since I would have said that my present +attitude was impossible, but now it seemed both right and inevitable. +The doubt, the sense of strangeness and remoteness that we justly +associate with a comparative stranger, had utterly passed away, and in +their place was a feeling of absolute trust and rest. I could place in +her hands the best treasures of my life, without a shadow of hesitancy, +so strongly had I been impressed with her truth. + +And yet it all was a beautiful mystery, over which I could have dreamed +for hours. + +I had not shunned society in the past, and had greatly admired other +ladies. Their voices had been sweet and low, as a woman's tones should +be, and their glances gentle and kind, but not one of them had +possessed the power to quicken my pulse or to disturb the quiet slumber +of my heart; but this woman spoke to me as with authority from heaven. +"My whole being," I murmured, "bows down to her by a constraint that I +could scarcely resist, and no queen in the despotic past ever had a +more loyal subject than I have become. To serve her, even to suffer for +her and to stand between her and all evils the world could inflict, are +privileges that I covet supremely. My regard is not a sudden passion, +for passion is selfish and inconsiderate. My love is already united +with honor and reverence, and my strongest impulse is to promote her +happiness before my own. The thought of her is an inspiration toward a +purer, better manhood than I have yet known. Her truth and innate +nobility produce an intense desire to become like her, so that she may +look into my eyes and trust also." + +I scarcely know how long my bright-hued dream would have lasted, but at +length the door of Mrs. Yocomb's room opened, and steps were on the +stairs. A moment later the physician came out, and Miss Warren stood in +the doorway. + +"They are all sleeping quietly," he said, in answer to my inquiry. +"Yes; all danger in Zillah's case is now passed, I think; but she's had +a serious time of it, poor little thing!" + +"There's no need of your walking home to-night," protested Miss Warren. +"We can make you comfortable here, and Reuben will gladly drive you +over in the morning." + +"It's morning now," he said, smiling, "and I'll enjoy the walk in the +fresh air. I'll call again before very long. Good-day!" and he walked +lightly down the path, as if all were very satisfactory to him. + +"What are you doing here, Mr. Morton?" Miss Warren asked, assuming an +expression of strong surprise. + +"Helping to watch." + +"What a waste! You haven't done Zillah a bit of good." + +"Didn't you know I was here?" + +"Yes; but I hope you don't think that I need watching?" + +"I was within call." "So you would have been if sleeping. I could have +blown the great tin horn if it had been necessary to waken you, and you +had remained undisturbed by other means." + +"Oh, well, then, if it made no difference to you, I'll merely say I'm a +night editor, and kept awake from habit." + +"I didn't say it made no difference to me," she answered. "You ought to +have known better than to have made that speech." + +"Miss Warren," I urged anxiously, "you look white as a ghost in this +mingling of moonlight and morning. When _will_ you rest?" + +"When the mind and heart are at rest a tired body counts for little. So +you're not afraid of ghosts?" + +I looked at her intently as I replied: "No, I would like to be haunted +all my life." + +It was not wholly the reflection of the dawn that tinged the pallor of +her face as I spoke these words. + +After a moment's hesitation she apparently dismissed a thought, and +maintained her old frank manner. + +"Oh, how beautiful, how welcome the morning is!" she exclaimed, coming +out on the piazza. "To think that this is the same world that we saw +last night--it's almost impossible." + +"Mr. Yocomb's words will yet prove true," I said, "and clearer skies +and better grain will be the result of the storm." + +"Oh, I'm so glad, I'm so very glad," she murmured. "This morning is +like a benediction;" and its brightness and beauty glowed in her face. + +"I can tell you something that will please you greatly," I continued. +"I have visited the little home in the garden that was open to last +night's sky. The father and mother robins are well, and I'm sure all +the little ones are too, for the mother robin had her head under her +wing--a thing impossible, I suppose, if anything was amiss with the +children." + +"Oh, I'm so glad!" she again repeated, and there was a joyous, +exquisite thrill in her tones. + +At that moment there came a burst of song from the top of the pear-tree +in the garden, and we saw the head of the little household greeting the +day. + +Almost as sweetly and musically my companion's laugh trilled out: + +"So it wasn't the day of fate after all." + +Impelled by an impulse that for the moment seemed irresistible, I took +her hand as I said earnestly: + +"Yes, Miss Warren, for me it was, whether for a lifetime of happiness +or of disappointment." + +At first she appeared startled, and gave me a swift, searching glance; +then a strong expression of pain passed over her face. She understood +me well, for my look and manner would have been unmistakable to any +woman. + +She withdrew her hand as she said gently: + +"You are overwrought from watching--from all that's happened; let us +both forget that such rash words were spoken." + +"Do not think it," I replied, slowly and deliberately. "I have learned +to know you better since we have met than I could in months or years +amid the conventionalities of society. In you I recognize my fate as +vividly and distinctly as I saw you in the lightning's gleam last +night. Please hear and understand me," I urged, as she tried to check +my words by a strong gesture of dissent. "If you had parents or +guardians, I would ask them for the privilege of seeking your hand. +Since you have not, I ask you. At least, give me a chance. I can never +prove worthy of you, but by years of devotion I can prove that I +appreciate you." + +"Oh, I'm so sorry, so very sorry you feel so," she said, and there was +deep distress in her tones; "I was in hopes we should be life-long +friends." + +"We shall be," I replied quietly. She looked at me hesitatingly a +moment, then said impulsively: + +"Mr. Morton, you are too honorable a man to seek that which belongs to +another. There," she added, flushing deeply, "I've told you what I've +acknowledged to no one--scarcely to myself." + +I know that the light of hope faded out of my face utterly, for I felt +ill and faint. If in truth she belonged to another, her absolute truth +would make her so loyal to him that further hope would be not only vain +but an insult, which she would be the first to resent. + +"I understand you too well," I began despondently, "to say another +word. Miss Warren. I--I wish--it seems rather odd I should have felt so +toward you when it was no use. It was as inevitable as our meeting. The +world and all that's in it is an awful muddle to me. But God bless you, +and if there's any good God, you will be blessed." I shivered as I +spoke, and was about to leave the piazza hastily, when her eager and +entreating tones detained me. + +"Mr. Morton, you said that in spite of all we should be friends; let me +claim my privilege at once. I'm sure I'm right in believing that you're +overwrought and morbid, from the strange experiences you have just +passed through. Do not add to your exhaustion by starting off on +another aimless walk to-day; though you may think it might lead you to +a better fate, it cannot bring you to those who care so deeply for you. +We'll be merry, true-hearted friends after we've had time to rest and +think it all over." + +"True-hearted, anyway," I said emphatically. "What's more, I'll be sane +when we meet again--entirely matter-of-fact, indeed, since I already +foresee that I shall be troubled by no more days of fate. Good-by now; +go and sleep the sleep of the just; I'll rest quietly here;" and I held +out my hand. + +She took it in both of hers, and said gently: "Mr. Morton, I believe +you saved my--our lives last night." + +"I had some hand in it--yes, that should be happiness enough. I'll make +it answer; but never speak of it again." + +"When I cease to think of it I shall cease to think at all," she said, +in strong emphasis; and with a lingering wistful glance she passed +slowly in and up the winding stairway. + +I watched her as I would a ship that had left me on a desolate rock. + +"She is one that could not change if she would," I thought. "It's all +over. No matter; possibly I saved her life." + +I sat down again in a rustic chair on the piazza, too miserable and +disheartened to do more than endure the pain of my disappointment. +Indeed there was nothing else to do, for seemingly I had set my heart +on the impossible. Her words and manner had made but one +impression--that she had given her love and faith to an earlier and +more fortunate suitor. + +"It would be strange if it were otherwise," I muttered. "I was the +'idiot,' in thinking that her gentlemen friends were blind; but I +protest against a world in which men are left to blunder so fatally. +The other day I felt broken down physically; I now know that I'm broken +and disabled in all respects. The zest and color have wholly gone out +of life. If I ever go back to my work I shall find my counterpart in +the most jaded and dispirited stage-horse in the city. Miss Warren will +have no more occasion to criticise light, smart paragraphs. Indeed, I +imagine that I shall soon be restricted to the obituary notices, and I +now feel like writing my own. Confound these birds! What makes them +sing so? Nature's a heartless jade anyway. Last night she would have +burned us up with lightning, and this morning there would have been not +a whit less of song and sunshine. Oh, well, it's far better that my +hopes are in ashes than that this house should be. I, and all there is +of me, is a small price to pay for this home and its inmates; and if I +saved her little finger from being scorched, I should be well content. +But why the devil did I feel so toward her when it was of no use! That +fact irritates me. Is my whole nature a lie, and are its deepest +intuitions and most sacred impulses false guides that lead one out into +the desert to perish? In the crisis of my life, when I had been made to +see that past tendencies were wrong, and I was ready for any change for +the better, my random, aimless steps led to this woman, and, as I said +to her, the result was inevitable. All nature seemed in league to give +emphasis to the verdict of my own heart, but the moment I reached the +conviction that she was created for me and I for her, I am informed +that she was created for another. I must therefore be one of the odd +ones, for whom there is no mate. Curse it all! I rather feel as if +another man were going to marry my wife, and I must admit that I have a +consuming curiosity to see him. + +"But this can't be. Her heart must have recognized the true kinship in +this other man--blast him! no, bless him, if she marries him--for she's +the last one in the world to enter into merely legal relations, +unsanctioned by the best and purest instincts of her womanly nature. + +"It's all the devil's own muddle." + +And no better conclusion did I reach that dismal morning--the most +dismal I can remember, although the hour abounded in beauty and the +glad, exuberant life that follows a summer rain. I once heard a +preacher say that hell could be in heaven and heaven in hell. I thought +him a trifle irreverent at the time, but now half believed him right. + +My waking train of thought ended in a stupor in which I do not think I +lost for a moment the dull consciousness of pain. I was aroused by a +step upon the gravel-path, and, starting up, saw the woman who served +Mrs. Yocomb in the domestic labors of the farmhouse. She stopped and +stared at me a moment, and then was about to continue around the house +to the kitchen entrance. + +"Wait a moment, my good woman," I said; "and you'll now have a chance +to prove yourself a good woman, and a very helpful and considerate one, +too. The house was struck by lightning last night." + +"Lord a massy!" she ejaculated, and she struck an attitude with her +hands on her hips, and stared at me again, with her small eyes and +capacious mouth opened to their utmost extent. + +"Yes," I continued, "and all were hurt except Reuben. The doctor has +been here, and all are now better and sleeping, so please keep the +house quiet, and let us sleep till the doctor comes again. Then have a +good fire, so that you can get ready at once whatever he orders for the +patients." + +"Lord a massy!" she again remarked very emphatically, and scuttled off +to her kitchen domains in great excitement. + +I now felt that my watch had ended, and that I could give the old +farmhouse into the hands of one accustomed to its care. Therefore I +wearily climbed the stairs to my room, and threw myself, dressed, on +the lounge. + +After a moment or two Miss Warren's door opened, and her light step +passed down to the kitchen. She, too, had been on the watch for the +coming of the domestic, and, if aware that I had seen the woman, did +not regard me as competent to enlighten her as to her duties for the +day. The kitchen divinity began at once: + +"Lord a massy, Miss Em'ly, what a time yer's all had! The strange man +told me. There hain't no danger now, is there?" + +In response to some remark from Miss Warren she continued, in shrill +volubility: + +"Yes, he told me yer's all struck but Reub'n. I found him a-sittin' on +the stoop, and a-lookin' all struck of a heap himself. Is that the way +lightning 'fects folks? He looked white as a ghost, and as if he didn't +keer ef he was one afore night. 'Twas amazin'--" and here Miss Warren +evidently silenced her. + +I heard the murmur of her voice as she gave a few brief directions, and +then her steps returned swiftly to her room. + +"She can be depended upon," I sighed, "to do all she thinks right. She +must have been wearied beyond mortal endurance, and worried by my rash +and unlooked-for words, and yet she keeps up till all need is past. +Every little act shows that I might as well try to win an angel of +heaven as sue against her conscience, she is so absolutely true. You're +right, old woman; I _was_ 'struck,' and I wish it had been by lightning +only." + +Just when I exchanged waking thoughts for hateful dreams I do not +remember. At last I started to my feet, exclaiming: + +"It's all wrong; he shall not marry my wife!" and then I sat down on +the lounge and tried to extricate myself from the shadows of sleep, and +thus become able to recognize the facts of the real world that I must +now face. Slowly the events of the previous day and night came back, +and with them a sense of immeasurable loss. The sun was low in the +west, thus proving that my unrefreshing stupor had lasted many hours. +The clatter of knives, and forks indicated preparations for supper in +the dining-room below. I dreaded meeting the family and all words of +thanks, as one would the touching of a diseased nerve. More than all, I +dreaded meeting Miss Warren again, feeling that we both would be under +a wretched constraint. My evil mood undoubtedly had physical causes, +for my mouth was parched, my head throbbed and ached, and I felt so ill +in body and mind, so morbid and depressed, that I was ready to escape +to New York without seeing a soul, were the thing possible. + +The door opened softly, and I saw Reuben's ruddy, happy face. + +"Oh, I'm so glad thee's awake," he said. "They're all doing well. +Adah's got well so fast that she actually looks better than Emily +Warren. Even Zillah's quite bright this evening, only she's so weak she +can't sit up much, but the doctor says it'll wear away. Thee doesn't +look very extra, and no wonder, thee did so much. Father, mother, and +Emily Warren have been talking about thee for the last two hours, and +Adah can't ask questions enough about thee, and how thee found her. She +says the last thing she saw was thee on the lawn, and thee was the +first thing she saw when she came to, and now she says she can't help +seeing thee all the time. Emily Warren said we must let thee sleep as +long as thee would, for that, she said, was what thee needed most of +all." + +"She's mistaken," I muttered, starting up. "Reuben," I continued aloud, +"you're a good, brave fellow. I'll come down to supper as soon, as I +can fairly wake up. I feel as stupid as an owl at midday, but I'm +exceedingly glad that all are doing well." + +When he left me I thought, "Well, I will keep up for two or three +hours, and then can excuse myself. To-morrow I can return to New York, +since clearly this will be no place for me. Miss Warren thinks that a +little sleep will cure me, and that I will be sane and sensible now +that I am awake. She will find me matter-of-fact indeed, for I feel +like a bottle of champagne that has stood uncorked for a month; but may +the devil fly away with me if I play the forlorn, lackadaisical lover, +and show my wounds." + +I bathed my face again and again, and made as careful a toilet as +circumstances permitted. + +In their kind-hearted simplicity they had evidently planned a sort of +family ovation, for as I came out on the piazza, they were all there +except Miss Warren, who sat at her piano playing softly; but as Mr. +Yocomb rose to greet me she turned toward us, and through the open +window could see us and hear all that passed. The old gentleman still +bore marks of his shock and the illness that followed, but there was +nothing weak or limp in his manner as he grasped my hand and began +warmly: + +"Richard Morton, last night I said thee was welcome; I now say this +home is as truly thine as mine. Thee saved mother and the children +from--" and here his voice was choked by emotion. + +Mrs. Yocomb seized my other hand, and I saw that she was "moved" now if +ever, for her face was eloquent with kindly, grateful feeling. + +"Please don't," I said, so sharply as to indicate irritation, for I +felt that I could not endure another syllable. Then, slapping Reuben +brusquely on the shoulder, I added, "Reuben was quite as helpful as I: +thank him. Any tramp from New York would try to do as much as I did, +and might have done better. Ah, here is Zillah!" And I saw that the +little girl was propped up on pillows just within the parlor window, +where she could enjoy the cool evening air without too great exposure. +"If she'll give me another kiss we'll call it all square and say no +more about it," and I leaned over the window-sill. + +The child put her arms around my neck and clung to me for a moment. +There could have been no better antidote for my mood of irritable +protest against my fate than the child's warm and innocent embrace, and +for a moment it was balm indeed. + +"There," I cried, kissing her twice, "now I'm overpaid." Raising my +eyes, I met those of Miss Warren as she sat by her piano. + +"Yes," she said, with a smile, "after that I should think you would be +more than content." + +"I certainly ought to be," I replied, looking at her steadily. + +"Zillah's very grateful," Miss Warren continued. "She knows that you +watched with her till morning." + +"So did other night-owls, Zillah, and they were quite as useful as I +was." + +She reached up her hand and pulled me down. "Mother said," she began. + +"You needn't tell a stranger what mother said," and I put my finger on +her lips. + +"Thee's no more of a stranger than Emily Warren," said the little girl +reproachfully. "I can't think of thee without thinking of her." + +I raised my eyes in a quick flash toward the young lady, but she had +turned to the piano, and her right hand was evoking a few low chords. + +"Miss Warren can tell you," I said, laughing, "that when people have +been struck by lightning they often don't think straight for a long +time to come." + +"Crooked thinking sometimes happens without so vivid a cause," Miss +Warren responded, without looking around. + +"Zillah's right in thinking that thee can never be a stranger in this +home," said Mrs. Yocomb warmly. + +"Mrs. Yocomb, please don't think me insensible to the feelings which +are so apparent. Should I live centuries, the belief that I had served +you and yours after your kindness would still be my pleasantest +thought. But you overrate what I have done: it was such obvious duty +that any one would have done the same, or else his ears should have +been cropped. It gives me a miserably mean feeling to have you thank me +so for it. Please don't any more." + +"We forget," said Miss Warren, advancing to the window, "that Mr. +Morton is versed in tragedies, and has daily published more dreadful +affairs." + +"Yes, and has written 'paragraphs' about them that no doubt seemed +quite as lurid as the events themselves, suggesting that I gloated over +disasters as so much material." + +"Mr. Morton, isn't it nearly as bad to tell fibs about one's self as +about other people?" + +"My depravity will be a continuous revelation to you, Miss Warren," I +replied. + +With a low laugh she answered, "I see you make no secret of it," and +she went back to her piano. + +I had bowed cordially to Adah as I joined the family group, and had +been conscious all the time of her rather peculiar and fixed scrutiny, +which I imagined suggested a strong curiosity more than anything else. + +"Well, Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb, as if the words were +irrepressible, "thee knows a little of how we feel toward thee, if thee +won't let us say as much as we would like. I love this old home in +which I was born and have lived until this day. I could never build +another home like it if every leaf on the farm were a bank-note. But I +love the people who live here far more. Richard Morton, I know how it +would all have ended, and thee knows. The house was on fire, and all +within it were helpless and unconscious. I've seen it all to-day, and +Reuben has told us. May the Lord bless thee for what them hast done for +me and mine! I'm not going to burden thee with our gratitude, but truth +is truth, and we must speak out once for all, to be satisfied. Thee +knows, too, that when a Friend has anything on his mind it's got to +come; hasn't it, mother? Richard Morton, thee has saved us all from a +horrible death." + +"Yes, Mr. Morton," said Miss Warren, coming again to the window and +laughing at my crimson face and embarrassment, "you _must_ face that +truth--there's no escaping it. Forgive me, Mr. Yocomb, for laughing +over so serious a subject, but Reuben and Mr. Morton amuse me greatly. +Mr. Morton already says that any tramp from New York would have done +the same. By easy transition he will soon begin to insist that it was +some other tramp. I now understand evolution." + +"Emily Warren, thee needn't laugh at Richard Morton," said Reuben a +little indignantly; "thee owes more to him than to any other man +living." + +She did not turn to the piano so quickly now but that I saw her face +flush at the unlooked-for speech. + +"That you are mistaken, Reuben, no one knows better than Miss Warren +herself," I replied irritably. + +She turned quickly and said, in a low tone, "You are right, Mr. Morton. +Friends do not keep a debit and credit account with each other. I shall +not forget, however, that Reuben is right also, even though I may seem +to sometimes," and she left the room. + +I was by the open window, and I do not think any one heard her words +except Zillah, and she did not understand them. + +I stood looking after her, forgetful of all else, when a hand laid upon +my arm caused me to look around, and I met Adah's gaze, and it was as +fixed and intent as that of a child. + +"She doesn't owe thee any more than I do," she said gravely. "I wish I +could do something for thee." + +"Why do you say 'thee' to me now?--you always said 'you' before," I +asked. + +"I don't know. It seems as if I couldn't say 'you' to thee any more," +and a delicate color stole into her face. + +"We all feel as if thee were one of us now," explained Mrs. Yocomb +gently, "and I trust that life will henceforth seem to Adah a more +sacred thing, and worthy of more sacred uses." And she passed into the +house to prepare for supper. + +Mr. Yocomb followed her, and Reuben went down to the barn. + +"If you live to grow like your mother, Miss Adah, you will be the most +beautiful woman in the world," I said frankly, for I felt as if I could +speak to her almost as I would to Zillah. + +Her eyes drooped and her color deepened as she shook her head and +murmured: + +"I'd rather be Emily Warren than any other woman in the world." + +Her words and manner so puzzled me that I thought she had not fully +recovered from the effects of the shock, and I replied, in an off-hand +way: + +"After a few weeks of teaching stupid children to turn noise into music +you would gladly be yourself again." + +She paid no heed to this remark, but, with the same intent, exploring +look, asked: + +"Thee was the first one I saw when I came to last night?" + +"Yes, and you were much afraid of me." + +"I was foolish--I fear mother's right, and I've always been foolish." + +"Your manner last night was most natural. I was a stranger, and a +hard-looking customer, too, when I entered your room." + +"I hope I didn't look very--very bad." + +"You looked so like a beautiful piece of marble that I feared you were +dead." + +"Thee wouldn't have cared much." + +"Indeed I would. If you knew how anxious I was about Zillah--" + +"Ugh!" she interrupted, with an expression of strong disgust, "I might +have been a horrid, blackened thing if it hadn't been for thee." + +"Oh, hush!" I cried; "I merely threw a couple of pails of water on the +roof. Please say no more about it." + +She passed her hand over her brow, and said hesitatingly: + +"I'm so puzzled--I feel so strangely. It seems an age since yesterday." + +"You've had a very severe shock, Miss Adah." + +"Yes, that may be it; but it's so strange that I was afraid of thee." + +"Why, Miss Adah, I was wet as a drowned rat, and had a black mark +across my nose. I would have made an ideal burglar." + +"That oughtn't to have made any difference; thee was trying to save my +life." + +"But you didn't know it." + +"I don't believe I know anything rightly. I--I feel so strange--just as +if I had waked up and hadn't got anything clear. But I know this much, +in spite of what Reuben said," she added impulsively; "Emily Warren +doesn't owe thee any more than I do." And she turned like a flash and +was gone. + +"Poor child," I muttered, "she hasn't recovered so fully as the others." + +I had been holding one of Zillah's hands during the interview, and she +now pulled me down and whispered: + +"What's the matter with thee, Richard Morton?" + +"Heaven grant you may never know, little one. Good-by." I had scarcely +left the piazza, however, before Mrs. Yocomb called: + +"Richard Morton, thee must be famished. Come to supper." + + + + +CHAPTER II + +"IT WAS INEVITABLE" + + +I ought to have had a ravenous appetite but I had none at all. I ought +to have been glad and thankful from the depths of my heart, but I was +so depressed that everything I said was forced and unnatural. My head +felt as if it were bursting, and I was enraged with myself and the +wretched result of my bright dream. Indeed I found myself inclined to a +spirit of recklessness and irritation that was wellnigh irresistible. + +Miss Warren seemed as wholly free from any morbid, unnatural tendencies +as Mr. Yocomb himself, and she did her utmost to make the hour as +genial as it should have been. At first I imagined that she was trying +to satisfy herself that I had recovered my senses, and that my +unexpected words, spoken in the morning, were the result of a mood that +was as transient as it was abnormal. I think I puzzled her; I certainly +did not understand myself any better than did poor Adah, whose mind +appeared to be in solution from the effects of the lightning, and I +felt that I must be appearing worse than idiotic. + +Miss Warren, resolutely bent on banishing every unnatural constraint, +asked Mr. Yocomb: + +"How is my genuine friend, Old Plod? Did the lightning wake him up?" + +"No, he plods as heavily as ever this morning. Thee only can wake him +up." + +"You've no idea what a compliment that is," she said, with a low laugh. +"Old Plod inspires me with a sense of confidence and stability that is +very reassuring in a world full of lightning flashes." + +"Yes," I said, "he is safe as a horse-block, and quite as exhilarating. +Give me Dapple." + +She looked at me quickly and keenly, and colored slightly. She +evidently had some association in her mind with the old plow-horse that +I did not understand. + +"Exhilaration scarcely answers as a steady diet, Mr. Morton." + +"Little chance of its lasting long," I replied, "even in a world +overcharged with electricity." + +"I prefer calm, steady sunshine to these wild alternations." + +"I doubt it; 'calm, steady sunshine' would make the world as dry and +monotonous as a desert." + +"That's true, Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb. "I like peace and quiet +more than most men, but even if we had all burned up last night, this +part of the world would have been wonderfully the better for the storm. +I reckon it was worth a million or more dollars to the county." + +"That's the right way to look at it, Mr. Yocomb," I said carelessly. +"The greatest good to the greatest number. Individuals are of no +account." + +"Your philosophy may be true, but I don't like it," Miss Warren +protested. "A woman doesn't generalize." + +"Thy philosophy is only half true, Richard Morton. God cares for each +one of His children, and every one in my house counts for much to me." + +"There's no getting ahead of thee, mother. If we want to talk heresy, +Richard Morton, we must go off by ourselves." + +"I think God showed His love for us in a queer way last night," said +Adah, abruptly. + +Both her father and mother looked pained at this speech, and Mrs. +Yocomb said gravely: + +"Thee'll see things in the true light some day, I hope. The lightning +bolt may have been a message from Heaven to thee." + +"It seems to me that Zillah got more of the message than I did, and she +didn't need any," said the matter-of-fact Adah, "At any rate I hope +Richard Morton may be here if I ever get another message." + +"I shall surely be struck next time," I laughed, a trifle bitterly; +"for according to Mrs. Yocomb's view I need a message more than any of +you." + +It was evident that neither Adah nor I was in a frame of mind that Mrs. +Yocomb could commend. + +"As you suggested, Mr. Morton, if some other tramp from New York had +been present, what a thrilling narrative you could write for your +paper," Miss Warren began. Seemingly she had had enough of clouds the +previous evening, and was bent on clear skies to-night. + +She found me incorrigible, however, for I said briefly: + +"Oh, no, it would only make an item among the crimes and casualties." + +Undaunted, she replied: "And such might have been its appropriate place +had not the doctor arrived so promptly. The casualty had already +occurred, and I'm quite sure you would have finished us all with +original remedies if left to yourself." + +"I agree with you, Miss Warren; blunders are worse than crimes, and +I've a genius for them." + +"Well, I'm not a genius in any sense of the word. Miss Adah and I look +at things as they are. One would think, Mr. Morton, accepting your view +of yourself, that you could supply your paper with all the crimes and +casualties required, as the result of the genius you claim." + +"Stupid blunders would make stupid reading." + +"Oh, that column in your paper is very interesting, then?" + +"Why shouldn't it be? I've never had the bad taste to publish in it +anything about myself." + +"I fail to find any logic in that remark. Have you a conscience, Mr. +Morton?" + +"The idea of an editor having a conscience! I doubt whether you have +ever seen New York, Miss Warren, you are so unsophisticated." + +"Emily, thee shouldn't be afraid of lightning when thee and Richard +Morton are so ready to flash back and forth at one another." + +"My words are only heat lightning, very harmless, and Mr. Morton's +partake of the aurora in character--they are cool and distant." + +"I hope they are not so mysterious," I replied. + +"Their cause is, quite." + +"I think I understand the cause," said Mrs. Yocomb as we rose from the +table; and she came and took my hand. "Richard Morton, thee has fever; +thy hands are hot and thy temples are throbbing." + +I saw that Miss Warren was looking at me with an expression that was +full of kind, regretful interest; but with the perversity of a child +that should have been shaken, I replied, recklessly: + +"I've taken cold, I fear. I sat on the piazza like an owl last night, +and I learned that an owl would have been equally useful there. I fear +I'm going to be ill, Mrs. Yocomb, and I think I had better make a +precipitate retreat to my den in New York." + +"Who'll take care of thee in thy den?" she asked, with a smile that +would have disarmed cynicism itself. + +"Oh, they can spare a devil from the office occasionally," I said +carelessly; but I felt that my remark was brutal. In answer to her look +of pained surprise I added, "Pardon me that I used the vile slang of +the shop; I meant one of the boys employed in the printing-rooms. Mrs. +Yocomb, I have now satisfied you that I'm too much of a bear to deserve +any gentler nurse. I truly think I had better return to town at once. +I've never been very ill, and have no idea how to behave. It's already +clear that I wouldn't prove a meek and interesting patient, and I don't +want to lose your good opinion." + +"Richard Morton, if thee should leave us now I should feel hurt beyond +measure. Thee's not thyself or thee wouldn't think of it." + +"Richard Morton, thee cannot go," said Mr. Yocomb in his hearty way. +"If thee knew mother as I do, thee'd give right in. I don't often put +my foot down, but when I do, it's like old South Mountain there. Ah, +here comes the doctor. Doctor Bates, if thee doesn't prescribe several +weeks of quiet life in this old farmhouse for Friend Morton, I'll start +right off to find a doctor who will." + +"Please stay, and I'll gather wild strawberries for thee," said Adah, +in a low tone. She had stolen close to my side, and still had the +wistful, intent look of a child. + +"You might do worse," Doctor Bates remarked. + +"You'll never make him believe that," laughed Miss Warren, who +evidently believed in tonic treatment and counter-irritants. "He would +much prefer sultry New York and an imp from the printing-rooms." + +"Thee may drive Dapple all thee wishes if thee'll only stay," said +Reuben, his round, boyish face shadowed with unwonted anxiety. + +We were standing in the hallway, and Zillah heard our talk, for her +little figure came tottering out of the parlor in her trailing wrapper, +and her eyes were full of tears. + +"Richard Morton, if thee doesn't stay I'll cry myself sick." + +I caught her up in my arms and carried her back to the sofa, and I +whispered in her ear: + +"I'll stay, Zillah; I'll do anything for you." + +The child clapped her hands gleefully as she exclaimed: + +"Now I've got thee. He's promised me to stay, mother." + +"Yes," said the physician, after feeling my pulse, "you certainly must, +and you ought to be in bed this moment. Your pulse indicates a very +high fever. What's more, you seem badly run down. I shall put you under +active treatment at once; that is, if you'll trust me." + +"Go ahead, doctor," I said, "and get me through one way or the other +before very long. Because these friends are so good and kind is no +reason why I should become a burden to them," and I sank down on the +sofa in the hall. + +"Thee'll do us a great wrong if thee ever thinks that, Richard Morton," +said Mrs. Yocomb earnestly. "Adah, thee see that his room is ready. I'm +going to take thee in hand myself;" and she bustled off to the kitchen. + +"You couldn't be in better hands, Mr. Morton," said the physician; "and +Mrs. Yocomb can do more for you than I can. I'll try and help a little, +however, and will prescribe for you after I've seen Zillah;" and he and +Mr. Yocomb went into the parlor, while Reuben, with a triumphant +chuckle, started for the barn. + +Now that I was alone for a moment, Miss Warren, who had been standing +in the doorway, and a little aloof, came to me, and her face was full +of trouble as she said hurriedly, in a low tone: + +"I fear I'm to blame for this. You'll never know how sorry I am. I _do_ +owe you so much! Please get well quickly or I'll--" and she hesitated. + +"You are the only one who did not ask me to stay," I said reproachfully. + +"I know it; I know, too, that I'd be ill in your place if I could." + +"How could I help loving you!" I said impetuously. "There, forgive me," +I added hastily as I saw her look of pain and almost fright. "Remember +I'm ill, delirious it may be; but whatever happens, also remember that +I said I wouldn't change anything. Were it all to do over again I'd do +the same. It was inevitable: I'm sane enough to know that. You are not +in the least to blame." + +She hung on my last words as if I were giving her absolution from a +mortal sin. + +"It's all a mistake. Oh, if you but knew how I regret--" + +Steps were approaching. I shook my head, with a dreary glimmer of a +smile. + +"Good-by," I said in a whisper, and wearily closed my eyes. + +Everything soon became very confused. I remembered Mr. Yocomb's helping +me to my room. I saw Adah's intent, wistful look as I tried to thank +her. Mrs. Yocomb's kind, motherly face changed into the features of my +own mother, and then came a long blank. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +RETURNING CONSCIOUSNESS + + +I seemed to waken as if from a long, troubled sleep. At first I was +merely conscious that I was awake, and I wondered how long I had slept. +Then I was glad I was awake, and that my confused and hateful dreams, +of which no distinct memory remained, had vanished. The only thing I +could recall concerning them was an indefinite and oppressive sense of +loss of some kind, at which I had vaguely and impotently protested. + +I knew I was awake, and yet I felt too languid to open my eyes. I was +little more than barely conscious of existence, and I rather enjoyed +this negative condition of complete inertia. The thought floated +through my mind that I was like a new-born child, that knows nothing, +fears nothing, thinks nothing, but simply breathes, and I felt so tired +and "gone" that I coveted an age of mere respiration. + +But thought slowly kindled in a weak, fitful fashion. I first became +slightly curious about myself. Why had I slept so profoundly? Why was I +so nerveless and stupid after such a sleep? + +Instead of answering these questions, I weakly wandered off into +another train of thought. "My mind seems a perfect blank," I said to +myself. "I don't remember anything; I don't know where I am, and don't +much care; nor do I know what my experience will be when I fully rouse +myself. This is like beginning a new existence. What shall be the first +entry on the blank page of my wakening mind? Perhaps I had better rouse +up and see whether I am truly alive." + +And yet I did not rise, but just lay still, heavy with a strange, +painless inertia, over which I puzzled in a vague, weak way. + +At last I was sure I heard a child crying. Then there was a voice, that +I thought I had heard before, trying to hush and reassure the child, +and I began to think who they were, and yet I did not seem to care +enough to open my eyes to see. + +I next heard something like a low sob near me, and it caused a faint +thrill among my sluggish nerves. Surely I had heard that sound before, +and curiosity so far asserted itself that I opened my eyes and looked +wonderingly around. + +The room was unfamiliar, and yet I was certain I had seen it on some +previous occasion. Seated at a window, however, was a lady who soon +absorbed my whole weak and wavering attention. My first thought was: +"How very pretty she is!" Then, "What is she looking at so steadfastly +from the window?" After a moment I mentally laughed at my stupidity. +"She's looking at the sunset. What else should she be looking at? Can I +have slept all day?" + +I saw her bosom heave with another convulsive sob, and that tears fast +followed each other down her cheeks. I seemed to have the power of +noting everything distinctly, but I couldn't understand or account for +what I saw. Who was that sweet-faced girl? Beyond a doubt I had seen +her before, but where? Why was she crying? Why was she in my room? + +Then I thought, "It must be all imaginary; I doubt whether I am awake +yet. If she were only smiling instead of crying, I would like to dream +on forever. How strangely familiar her face is! I must have seen it +daily for years, and yet I can't recognize it." + +The loud whinny of a horse seemed to give my paralyzed memory an +impetus and suggestion, by means of which I began to reconstruct the +past. + +"That's Old Plod!" I exclaimed mentally. "And--and--why, that's Miss +Warren sitting by the window. I remember now. We were in the barn +together, and I was jealous of the old horse--how absurd! Then we were +in the garden, and she was laughing at me. How like a dream it all is! +It seemed as if she were always laughing, and that the birds might well +stop singing to listen. Now she is crying here in my room. I half +believe it's an apparition, and that if I speak it will vanish. Perhaps +it is a warning that she's in trouble somewhere, and that I ought to go +to her help. How lovely she looks, with her hands lying in her lap, +forgetful of the work they hold, and her tearful eyes fixed on the +glowing west! Her face is very pale in contrast. Surely she's only a +shadow, and the real maiden is in need of my aid;" and I made an effort +to rise. + +It seemed exceedingly strange that I could scarcely lift my hand; but +my slight movement caused her to look around, and in answer to my gaze +of eager inquiry she came softly and hesitatingly toward me. + +"Miss Warren," I said, "can it be you in very truth?" + +"Yes," she replied, with a sudden and glad lighting up of her face, +"but please don't talk." + +"How you relieve me," I tried to say joyfully, but I found I could only +whisper. "What the mischief--makes my voice--so weak? Do you know--that +I had the odd--impression--that you were an apparition--and had come to +me--as a token--that--you were in trouble--and I tried to rise--to go +to your aid--then it seemed yourself--that looked around. But you _are_ +in trouble--why can't I get up and help you?" + +She trembled, and by her gesture tried to stop my words. + +"Will you do what I ask?" she said, in a low, eager tone. + +I smiled as I replied, "Little need of your asking that question." + +"Then please try to get well speedily; don't talk, but just keep every +little grain of strength. Oh, I'm so glad you are in your right mind. +You have been very ill, but will soon get well now if only careful. +I'll call Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Please don't go," I whispered. "Now that I know you--it seems so +natural--that you should be here. So I've been ill--and you have taken +care of me;" and I gave a deep sigh of satisfaction. "I did not know +you at first--idiot!--but Old Plod whinnied--and then it all began to +come back." + +At the word "Old Plod" she turned hastily toward the door. Then, as if +mastered by an impulse, she returned, and said, in a tone that thrilled +even my feeble pulse: + +"Oh, live! in mercy live, or else I can never forgive myself." + +"I'll live--never fear," I replied, with a low laugh. "I'm not such a +fool as to leave a world containing you." + +A rich glow overspread her face, she smiled, then suddenly her face +became very pale, and she even seemed frightened as she hastily left +the room. + +A moment later Mrs. Yocomb came in, full of motherly solicitude. + +"Kind Mrs. Yocomb," I murmured, "I am glad I'm in such good hands." + +"Thank God, Richard Morton," she said, in low, fervent tones, "thee's +going to get well. But don't speak a word." + +"Wasn't that Zillah crying?" + +"Yes, she was heart-broken about thee being so sick, but she'll laugh +now when I tell her thee's better. Take this, and sleep again." + +"Bless her kind heart!" I said. + +Mrs. Yocomb laid her finger on my lips. I saw her pour out something, +which I swallowed unquestioningly, and after a moment sank into a quiet +sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +IN THE DARK + + +"Yes, Mrs. Yocomb, good nursing and nourishment are all that he now +requires," were the reassuring words that greeted my waking later in +the evening. I opened my eyes, and found that a physician was feeling +my pulse. + +I turned feebly toward my kind hostess, and smilingly whispered: + +"There's no fear of my wanting these where you are, Mrs. Yocomb; but +don't let me make trouble. I fear I've made too much already." + +"The only way thee can make trouble, Richard, is to worry about making +trouble. The more we can do for thee the better we shall be pleased. +All thee's got to do is to get well and take thy time about it." + +"That's just like you. How long have I been ill?" + +"That's none of thy business at present. One thing at a time. The +doctor has put thee in my hands, and I'm going to make thee mind." + +"I've heard that men were perfect bears when getting well," I said. + +"Thee can be a bear if thee feels like it, but not another word +to-night--not another syllable; am I not right, doctor?" + +"Yes, I prescribe absolute quiet of mind and body; that and good living +will bring you around in time. You've had a narrow graze of it, but if +you will mind Mrs. Yocomb you will yet die of old age. Good-night." + +My nurse gave me what she thought I needed, and darkened the room. But +it was not so dark but that I saw a beautiful face in the doorway. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed. + +"It was Adah," said Mrs. Yocomb quietly; "she's been very anxious about +thee." + +"You are all so kind. Please thank her for me," I replied eagerly. +"Mother, may I speak to Richard Morton?" asked a timid voice from the +obscurity of the hallway. + +"Not to-night, Adah--to-morrow." "Forgive me if I disobey you this +once," I interrupted hastily. "Yes, Miss Adah, I want to thank you." + +She came instantly to my side, and I held out my hand to her. I +wondered why hers throbbed and trembled so strangely. + +"It's I who should thank thee: I can never thank thee enough. Oh, I +feared I might--I might never have a chance." + +"There, Adah, thee mustn't say another word; Richard's too weak yet." + +Her hand closed tightly over mine. "Good-by," she breathed softly, and +vanished. + +Mrs. Yocomb sat down with her knitting by a distant and shaded lamp. + +Too weak to think, or to realize aught except that I was surrounded by +an atmosphere of kindness and sympathy, I was well content to lie still +and watch, through the open window, the dark foliage wave to and fro, +and the leaves grow distinct in the light of the rising moon, which, +though hidden, I knew must be above the eastern mountains. I had the +vague impression that very much had happened, but I would not think; +not for the world would I break the spell of deep quietude that +enthralled every sense of my body and every faculty of my mind. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I said at last, "it must be you who creates this +atmosphere of perfect peace and restfulness. The past is forgotten, the +future a blank, and I see only your serene face. A subdued light seems +to come from it, as from the shaded lamp." + +"Thee is weak and fanciful, Richard. The doctor said thee must be +quiet." + +"I wish it were possible to obey the doctor forever, and that this +exquisite rest and oblivion could last, I am like a ship becalmed on a +summer sea in a summer night. Mind and body are both motionless." + +"Sleep, Richard Morton, and when rested and well, may gales from heaven +spring up and carry thee homeward. Fear not even rough winds, if they +bear thee toward the only true home. Now thy only duty is to rest." + +"You are not going to sit up to-night, Mrs. Yocomb." + +She put her finger on her lips. + +"Hush!" she said. + +"Oh, delicious tyranny!" I murmured. "The ideal government is that of +an absolute and friendly power." + +I had a vague consciousness of being wakened from time to time, and of +taking something from Mrs. Yocomb's hand, and then sinking back into an +enthrallment of blessed and refreshing slumber. With every respiration +life and health flowed back. + +At last, as after my first long sleep in the country, I seemed to hear +exquisite strains of music that swelled into richer harmony until what +seemed a burst of song awoke me. Opening my eyes, I looked intently +through the open, window and gladly welcomed the early day. The air was +fresh, and I felt its exhilarating quality. The drooping branches of +the elm swayed to and fro, and the mountains beyond were bathed in +light. I speedily realized that it was the song of innumerable birds +that had supplied the music of my waking dream. + +For a few moments I gazed through the window, with the same perfect +content with which I had watched the foliage grow distinct in the +moonlight the previous evening, and then I looked around the room. + +I started slightly as I encountered the deep blue eyes of Adah Yocomb +fixed on me with an intent, eager wistfulness. "Can I do anything for +thee, Richard Morton?" she asked, rising from her chair near the door. +"Mother asked me to stay with thee awhile, and to let her know if thee +woke and wanted anything." + +"With you here this bright morning, how could I want anything more?" I +asked, with a smile, for her young, beautiful face comported so well +with the early morning of the summer day as to greatly please both my +eye and fancy. The color of the early morning grew richer in her face +as she replied: + +"I'm glad thee doesn't want me to go away, but I must go and have thy +breakfast brought up." + +"No, stay; tell me all that's happened. I seem to have forgotten +everything so strangely! I feel as if I had known you all a long time, +and yet that can't be, for only the other day I was at my office in New +York." + +"Mother says thee's too weak to talk yet, and that I must not answer +questions. She says thee knows thee's been sick and thee knows thee's +getting well, and that must do till thee's much stronger." + +"Oh, I feel ever so much stronger. Sleep and the good things your +mother has given me have made a new man of me." + +"Mother says thee has never been sick, and that thee doesn't know how +to take care of thyself, and that thee'll use thy strength right up if +we don't take good care of thee." + +"And are you going to take care of me?" + +"Yes, if thee pleases. I'll help mother." + +"I should be hard to please were I not glad. I shall have so nice a +time getting well that I shall be tempted to play sick." + +"I'll--I'll wait on thee as long as thee'll let me, for no one owes +thee more than I do." + +"What in the world do you owe me?" I asked, much perplexed. "If you are +going to help me to get well, and will come to my room daily with a +face like this summer morning, I shall owe you more than I can ever +repay." + +"My face would have been black enough but for thee; but I'm glad thee +thinks I look well. They are all saying I look pale and am growing +thin, but if thee doesn't think so I don't care," and she seemed aglow +with pleasure. + +"It would make a sick man well to look at you," I said, smiling. +"Please come and sit by me and help me to get my confused brain +straight once more. I have the strangest sense of not knowing what I +ought to know well. You and your kind father and mother brought me home +from meeting. Your mother said I might stay here and rest. Miss Warren +was here--she was singing in the parlor. Where is Miss Warren?" + +"She has gone out for a walk," said the girl a little coldly. + +Her manner perplexed me, and, together with my thought of Miss Warren, +there came a vague sense of trouble--of something wrong. I tried to +raise my hand to my brow, as if to clear away the mist that obscured my +mind, and my hand was like lead, it was so heavy. + +"A plague on my memory!" I exclaimed. "We were in the parlor, and Miss +Warren was singing. Your mother spoke--would that I might hear her +again!--it's all tolerably clear up to that time, and then everything +is confused." + +"Adah, how's this?" said Mrs. Yocomb reproachfully. "Thee was not to +let Richard Morton talk." + +"I only am to blame, Mrs. Yocomb: I would talk. I'm trying to get the +past straightened out; I know that something happened the other evening +when you spoke so beautifully to us, but my memory comes up to that +point as to an abyss, and I can't bridge it over." + +"Richard Morton, doesn't thee believe that I'm thy friend?" + +"My mind would indeed be a total blank if I doubted that." + +"Well, then, do what I ask thee: don't question, don't think. Isn't it +sufficient to know that thee has been ill, and that thy life depends on +quiet? Thee can scarcely lift thy hand to thy head; thy words are slow +and feeble. Can't thee realize that it is thy sacred duty to rest and +grow strong before taking up the cares and burdens that life brings to +us all? Thee looks weak and exhausted." + +"I am indeed weak enough, but I felt almost well when I awoke." + +"Adah, I fear I can't trust thee as a nurse," her mother began gravely. + +"Please don't blame her; it was wholly my fault," I whispered. "I'll be +very good now, and do just what you bid me." + +"Well, then, thee must take what I have prepared, and thy medicine, and +sleep again." + +"Good-by, Adah," I said, smiling. "Don't look so concerned; you haven't +done me a bit of harm. Your face was as bright and welcome as the +sunshine." + +"If it hadn't been for thee--" she began. + +Mrs. Yocomb raised a warning finger, and the girl stole away. + +"Can--can I not see Miss Warren this morning?" I asked hesitatingly. + +"Thee must sleep first." + +The medicine she gave evidently contained a sedative, or else sleep was +the remedy that Nature instinctively grasped, for it gave back part of +the strength that I had lost. + +When I awoke again I felt wonderfully the better for a long rest that +had not been broken, but made more beneficial from the fact that I was +slightly roused from time to time to take stimulants and nourishment. +The heat and glare of the summer day had passed. This I could perceive +even through the half-closed window-blinds. At first I thought myself +alone, but soon saw that Reuben was seated in the furthest corner, +quietly carving on some woodwork that interested his boyish fancy. His +round, fresh face was like a tonic. + +"Well, old fellow," I laughed, "so you are playing nurse?" + +"Is thee awake for good, Richard Morton?" he asked, springing up. + +"I hope so." + +"'Cause mother said that as soon as thee really waked up I must call +her." + +"Oh, wait a moment, and tell me all the news." + +"Mother said I mustn't tell thee anything but to get well." + +"I'm never going to get well." + +"What!" exclaimed the boy, in consternation. + +"Your mother and Miss Adah take such good care of me that I am going to +play sick the rest of my life," I explained, laughing. "How is Dapple?" + +"Oh, thee's only joking, then. Well, all I ask of thee is to get well +just enough to drive Dapple around with me. He'll put life into +thee--never fear. When I get hold of the reins he fairly makes my hands +tingle. But there, mother said I shouldn't let thee talk, but tell her +right away," and he started for the door. + +"How is Miss Warren? Is she never coming to see me?" + +"Emily Warren's been dreadfully anxious about thee. I never saw any one +change so. But to-day she has been like a lark. She went with me to the +village this morning, and she had almost as much spirit and life as +Dapple. She's a jolly good girl. I like her. We're all so glad thee's +getting well we don't know what to do. Father said he felt like jumping +over a five-bar fence. Only Adah acts kind of queer and glum." + +"I think I hear talking," said Mrs. Yocomb, entering. + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I laughed, "you are the most amiable and beneficent +dragon that ever watched over a captive." + +"Thee wants watching. The moment my back's turned thee's into mischief, +and the young people are just as bad. Reuben, I might better have left +Zillah here." + +"Do let her come," I exclaimed; "she'll do more good than medicine." + +"Well, she shall bring thee up thy chicken broth; that will please her +wonderfully. Go away, Reuben, and tell Zillah to bring the broth--not +another word. Does thee feel better, Richard?" + +"Oh, I am almost well. I'm ashamed to own how hungry I am." + +"That's a good sign--a very good sign." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, how did I become so ill? I'm haunted by the oddest sense +of not remembering something that happened after you spoke to us the +other evening." + +"There's nothing strange in people's being sick--thee knows that. Then +thee had been overworking so long that thee had to pay the penalty." + +"Yes, I remember that. Thank Heaven I drifted into this quiet harbor +before the storm came. I should have died in New York." + +"Well, thee knows where to come now when thee's going to have another +bad turn. I hope, however, that thee'll be too good a man to overwork +so again. Now thee's talked enough." + +"Can I not see Mr. Yocomb, and--and--Miss Warren this evening?" + +"No, not till to-morrow. Father's been waiting till I said he could +come; but he's so hearty-like that I won't trust him till thee's +stronger." + +"Is--is Miss Warren so hearty-like also? It seems to me her laugh would +put life into a mummy." + +"Well, thee isn't a mummy, so she can't come till to-morrow." + +She had been smoothing my pillow and bathing my face with cologne, thus +creating a general sense of comfort and refreshment. Now she lifted my +head on her strong, plump arm, and brushed my hair. Tears came into my +eyes as I said brokenly: + +"I can remember my mother doing this for me when I was ill once and a +little fellow. I've taken care of myself ever since. You can have no +idea how grateful your manner is to one who has no one to care for him +specially." + +"Thee'll always have some one to care for thee now; but thee mustn't +say anything more;" and I saw strong sympathy in her moist eyes. + +"Yes," I breathed softly, "I should have died in New York." + +"And thee said an imp from the printing-house could take care of thee," +she replied, with a low laugh. + +"Did I say that? I must have been out of my head." + +"Thee'll see that all was ordered for the best, and be content when +thee gets strong. People are often better every way after a good fit of +sickness. I believe the Good Physician will give His healing touch to +thy soul as well as thy body. Ah, here is Zillah. Come in, little girl. +Richard wishes to see thee." + +Bearing a bowl in both hands, she entered hesitatingly. + +"Why, Zillah, you waiting on me, too! It's all like a fairy tale, and +I'm transformed into a great prince, and am waited on right royally. +I'm going to drink that broth to your health, as if you were a great +lady. It will do me more good than all the drugs of all the doctors, +just because you are such a good little fairy, and have bewitched it." + +The child dimpled all over with pleasure as she came and stood by my +side. + +"Oh, I'm so glad thee's getting well!" she cried. "Thee talks queer, +but not so queer as thee did before. Thee--" + +A warning gesture from her mother checked her, and she looked a little +frightened. + +"That will do, Zillah. After Richard has taken this I'm not going to +let him talk for a long time." + +"Do you want to make me all well, Zillah?" I asked, smiling into her +troubled and sympathetic face. + +She nodded eagerly and most emphatically. + +"Then climb on a chair and give me a kiss." + +After a quick, questioning look at her mother, she complied, laughing. + +"Ah, that puts life into me," I said. "You can tell them all that you +did me more good than the doctor. I'll go with you to see the robins +soon." + +"I've got something else for thee downstairs," she whispered, +"something that Emily Warren gathered for thee," and she was gone in a +flash. + +A moment later she stood in the doorway, announced in advance by the +perfume of an exquisite cluster of rosebuds arranged in a dainty vase +entwined and half hidden with myrtle. + +"Put the vase on the table by Richard, and then thee mustn't come any +more." + +"Thee surely are from the Garden of Eden," I exclaimed. "These and your +kiss, Zillah, will make me well. Tell Miss Warren that I am going to +thank her myself. Good-by now," and she flitted out of the room, bright +with the unalloyed happiness of a child. + +"Dear me," said Mrs. Yocomb, "thee must indeed get strong fast, for I +do have such a time keeping the young people out of thy room. Reuben +asks a dozen times a day if he can see thee, and father's nearly as +bad. No more shall see thee to-day, I promise thee. Now thee must rest +till to-morrow." + +I was well content, for the roses brought a presence very near. In +their fragrance, their beauty, their dewy freshness, their superiority +to other flowers, they seemed the emblem of the maiden who had made +harmony in the garden when Nature was at her best. The scene, as we had +stood there together, grew so vivid that I saw her again almost in +reality, her face glowing with the undisguised, irrepressible pleasure +that had been caused by my unexpected tribute to the absolute +truthfulness of her character. Again I heard her piquant laugh; then +her sweet, vibratory voice as she sang hymns that awakened other than +religious emotions, I fear. By an odd freak of fancy the flowers seemed +an embodied strain from Chopin's nocturne that she had played, and the +different shades of color the rising and falling of the melody. + +"What do they mean?" I murmured to myself. "At any rate I see no York +and Lancaster buds among them." + +"Is thee so very fond of roses that thee gazes so long and intently at +them?" Mrs. Yocomb quietly asked. + +I started, and I had still sufficient blood to crimson my pallid face. + +Turning away I said, "They recalled a scene in the garden where they +grew. It seemed to me that Miss Warren had grown there too, she was so +like them; and that this impression should have been made by a girl +bred in the city struck me as rather strange." + +"Thy impression was correct--she's genuine," Mrs. Yocomb replied +gravely, and her eyes rested on me in a questioning and sympathetic way +that I understood better as I thought it over afterward. + +"Yes," I said, "she made just that impression on me from the first. We +met as strangers, and in a few hours, without the slightest effort on +her part, she won my absolute trust. This at first greatly surprised +me, for I regret to say that my calling has made me distrustful. I soon +learned, however, that this was just the impression that she should +make on any one capable of understanding her." + +A deep sigh was my companion's only answer. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I continued, earnestly, "was I taken ill while you were +speaking? I have a vague, tormenting impression that something occurred +which I cannot recall. The last that I can remember was your speaking +to us; and then--and then--wasn't there a storm?" + +"There may have been. We've had several showers of late. Thee had been +overdoing, Richard, and thee felt the effects of the fever in thy +system before thee or any of us knew what was the matter. Thy mind soon +wandered; but thee was never violent; thee made us no trouble--only our +anxiety. Now I hope I've satisfied thee." + +"How wondrously kind you've all been to such a stranger! But Miss Adah +made reference to something that I can't understand." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked perplexed and annoyed. "I'll ask Adah," she said, +gravely. "It's time thee took this medicine and slept." + +The draught she gave me was more quieting than her words had been, for +I remembered nothing more distinctly until I awoke in the brightness of +another day. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +A FLASH OF MEMORY + + +I found my spirits attuned to the clear sunshine of the new day, and +congratulated myself that convalescence promised to be so speedy. Again +I had the sense that it was my body only that was weak and exhausted by +disease, for my mind seemed singularly elastic, and I felt as if the +weight of years and toil had dropped away, and I was entering on a new +and higher plane of existence. An unwonted hopefulness, too, gave +buoyancy to my waking thoughts. + +My first conscious act was to look for my flowers. They had been +removed to a distant table, and in their place was a larger bouquet, +that, for some reason, suggested Adah. "It's very pretty," I thought, +"but it lacks the dainty, refined quality of the other. There's too +much of it. One is a bouquet; the other suggests the bushes on which +the buds grew, and their garden home." + +From the sounds I heard, I knew the family was at breakfast, and before +very long a musical laugh that thrilled every nerve with delight rang +up the stairway, and I laughed in sympathy without knowing why. + +"Happy will the home be in which that laugh makes music," I murmured. +"Heaven grant it may be mine. Can it be presumption to hope this, when +she showed so much solicitude at my illness? She was crying when my +recovery was doubtful, and she entreated me to live. Reuben's words +suggested that she was depressed while I was in danger, and buoyant +after the crisis had passed. That she feels as I do I cannot yet hope. +But what the mischief do she and Adah mean by saying that they owe me +so much? It's I who owe them everything for their care during my +illness. How long _have_ I been ill? There seems to be something that I +can't recall; and now I think of it, Mrs. Yocomb's account last night +was very indefinite." + +My further musings were interrupted by the entrance of Mrs. Yocomb with +a steaming bowl that smelt very savory. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I cried, "you're always welcome; and that bowl is, too, +for I'm hungry as a cub." + +"Glad to hear it," said Mr. Yocomb's hearty voice from the doorway. +"I'll kill for you a young gobbler that Emily Warren thinks is like the +apple of my eye, if you will promise to eat him." + +"No, indeed," I answered, reaching out my hand. "He is already devoted +to Miss Warren's Thanksgiving dinner. May he continue to gobble until +that auspicious day." + +"What! do you remember that?" and Mr. Yocomb cast a quick look of +surprise at his wife. + +"Yes, I remember everything up to a certain point, and then all comes +to a full stop. I wish you would bridge over the gap for me." + +"Richard," interposed Mrs. Yocomb, quickly, "it wouldn't do thee any +good to have father tell thee what thee said when out of thy mind from +fever. I can tell thee, however, that thee said nothing of which thee +need be ashamed." + +"Well, I can't account for it. I must have been taken very suddenly. +One thing is clear: you are the kindest people I ever heard of. You +ought to be put in a museum." + +"Why, Friend Morton, is it queer that we didn't turn thee out of doors +or give thee in charge of the poormaster?" + +"I certainly am the most fortunate man in the world," I said, laughing. +"I had broken myself down and was about to become very ill, and I +started off in the dark and never stopped till I reached the shelter of +Mrs. Yocomb's wing. If I should tell my experience in New York there'd +be an exodus to the country among newspaper men." + +"Thee mustn't do it," protested Mr. Yocomb, assuming a look of dismay. +"Thee knows I'm down on editors: I make thee an exception." + +"I should think you had; but they would not expect to be treated one +hundredth part so well as you have treated me." + +"Well, bring thy friends, editors or otherwise. Thy friends will be +welcome." + +"I fear I'll be selfish; I feel as if I had made too rich a discovery +to show it to others." + +"Now, father, thee's had thy turn, and must go right out and let +Richard take his breakfast and his medicine. I'm bent on making Dr. +Bates say I'm the best nurse in town, and between such a lively patient +and such a lively family I have a hard time of it." + +"Well, thee knows I always mind, mother," said the old gentleman, +putting on a rueful look. "I do it, thee knows, to set the children an +example. Good-by now; mother will make thee as hearty as I am if +thee'll mind her." + +"Oh, I'm well enough to see _everybody_ to-day," I said with emphasis, +and I imagine that Mrs. Yocomb gave as definite a meaning to my +indefinite term as I did. + +"No one can stay long yet, but if thee continues to improve so nicely, +we can move thee downstairs part of the day before very long." + +"At that prospect I'll mind as well as Mr. Yocomb himself," I cried +gladly. "Mr. Yocomb, they are spoiling me. I feel like a great petted +boy, and behave like one, I fear; but having never been ill, I don't +know how to behave." + +"Thee's doing very well for a beginner. Keep on--keep on," and his +genial visage vanished from the doorway. + +After I had my breakfast, Zillah flitted in and out with her mother two +or three times. + +"Mother says I can look at thee, but I mustn't talk;" and she wouldn't. + +Then Adah, with her wide-brimmed hat hanging on her arm, brought me a +dainty little basket of wild strawberries. + +"I promised to gather them for thee," she said, placing them on my +table. + +"You did? I had forgotten that," I replied. "I fear my memory is +playing me sad tricks. You have just gathered them, I think?" + +"What makes thee think so?" + +"Because their color has got into your cheeks." + +"I hope thee'll like them--the strawberries, I mean." + +I laughed heartily as I answered, "I like both. I don't see how either +could be improved upon." + +"I think thee likes a city pallor best," she replied, shaking her head. + +I imagine that a faint tinge of the strawberry came into my face, for +she gave me a quick glance and turned away. + +"Adah," said Mrs. Yocomb, entering, "thee can take thy sewing and sit +here by the door for a while. Call me if Richard wants anything. The +doctor will be here soon." + +"Would thee like to have me stay?" she asked timidly. + +"Indeed I would. Mrs. Yocomb, can I eat these strawberries? I've +devoured them with my eyes already." + +"Yes, if the doctor says so, and thee'll promise not to talk much." + +I made no promise, for I was bent on talking, as convalescents usually +are, I believe, and Adah forgot her sewing, and her blue eyes rested on +me with an intentness that at last grew a little embarrassing. She said +comparatively little, and her words had much of their old directness +and simplicity; but the former flippancy and coloring of small vanity +was absent. Her simple morning costume was scrupulously neat, and quite +as becoming as the Sunday muslin which I had so admired, and she had +fastened at her breastpin a rose that reminded me of the one I had +given her on that wretched Sunday afternoon when she unconsciously and +speedily dispelled the bright dream that I had woven around her. + +"For some reason she has changed very much," I thought, "and I'm glad +it's for the better." + +Zillah came in, and leaned on her lap as she asked her a question or +two. "Surely the little girl would not have done that the first day I +met her," I mused, then added aloud: + +"You are greatly changed, Miss Adah. What has happened to you?" + +She blushed vividly at my abrupt question, and did not answer for a +moment. Then she began hesitatingly: + +"From what mother says, it's time I changed a little." + +"I think Zillah likes you now as she does Miss Warren." + +"No, she likes Emily Warren best--so does every one." + +"You are mistaken. Zillah could not have looked at Miss Warren +differently from the way in which she just looked at you. You have no +idea what a pretty picture you two then made." + +"I did not think about it." + +"I imagine you don't think about yourself as much as you did. Perhaps +that's the change I'm conscious of." + +"I don't think about myself at all any more," and she bent low over her +work. + +Dr. Bates now entered with Mrs. Yocomb, and Adah slipped quietly away. + +After strong professions of satisfaction at my rapid convalescence, and +giving a medicine that speedily produced drowsiness, he too departed. + +I roused up slightly from time to time as the day declined, and finding +Reuben quietly busy at his carving, dozed again in a delicious, dreamy +restfulness. In one of these half-waking moments I heard a low voice +ask: + +"Reuben, may I come in?" + +Sleep departed instantly, and I felt that I must be stone dead before I +could be unmoved by those tones, now as familiar as if heard all my +life. + +"Yes, please come," I exclaimed; "and you have been long in coming." + +Reuben sprang up with alacrity as he said, "I'm glad thee's come, +Emily. Would thee mind staying with Richard for a little while? I want +to take Dapple out before night. If I don't, he gets fractious." + +"I will take your place for a time, and will call Mrs. Yocomb if Mr. +Morton needs anything." + +"I assure you I won't need anything as long as you'll stay," I began, +as soon as we were alone. "I want to thank you for the rosebuds. They +were taken away this morning; but I had them brought back and placed +here where I could touch them. They seemed to bring back that June +evening in the old garden so vividly that I've lived the scene over and +over again." + +She looked perplexed, and colored slightly, but said smilingly, "Mrs. +Yocomb will think I'm a poor nurse if I let you talk too much." + +"Then talk to me. I promise to listen as long as you will talk." + +"Well, mention an agreeable subject." + +"Yourself. What have you been doing in the ages that have elapsed since +I came to life. It seems as if I had been dead, and I can't recall a +thing that happened in that nether world. I only hope I didn't make a +fool of myself." + +"I'm sorry to say you were too ill to do anything very bad. Mr. Morton, +you can't realize how glad we all are that you are getting well so +fast." + +"I hope I can't realize how glad YOU are, and yet I would like to think +that you are very glad. Do you know what has done me the most good +to-day?" + +"How should I know?" she asked, looking away, with something like +trouble in her face. + +"I heard your laugh this morning while you were at breakfast, and it +filled all the old house with music. It seemed to become a part of the +sunshine that was shimmering on the elm-leaves that swayed to and fro +before my window, and then the robins took it up in the garden. By the +way, have you seen the robin's nest that Zillah showed us?" + +"Yes," she replied, "but it's empty, and the queer little things that +Zillah said were all 'mouth and swallow' are now pert young robins, +rollicking around the garden all day long. They remind me of Reuben and +Dapple. I love such fresh young life, unshadowed by care or experience." + +"I believe you; and your sympathy with such life will always keep you +young at heart. I can't imagine you growing old; indeed, truth is never +old and feeble." + +"You are very fanciful, Mr. Morton," she said, with a trace of +perplexity again on her face. + +"I have heard that that was a characteristic of sick people," I laughed. + +"Yes; we have to humor them like children," she added, smoothing her +brow as if this were an excuse for letting me express more admiration +than she relished. + +"Well," I admitted, "I've never been ill and made much of before, since +I was a little fellow, and my mother spoiled me, and I've no idea how +to behave. Even if I did, it would seem impossible to be conventional +in this house. Am I not the most singularly fortunate man that ever +existed? Like a fool I had broken myself down, and was destined to be +ill. I started off as aimlessly as an arrow shot into the air, and here +I am, enjoying your society and Mrs. Yocomb's care." + +"It is indeed strange," she replied musingly, as if half speaking to +herself; "so strange that I cannot understand it. Life is a queer +tangle at best. That is, it seems so to us sometimes." + +"I assure you I am glad to have it tangled for me in this style," I +said, laughing. "My only dread is getting out of the snarl. Indeed, I'm +sorely tempted to play sick indefinitely." + +"In that case we shall all leave you here to yourself." + +"I think _you_ have done that already." + +"What would your paper do without you?" she asked, with her brow +slightly knitted and the color deepening in her cheeks. + +"Recalling what you said, I'm tempted to think it is doing better +without me." + +"You imagine I said a great deal more than I did." + +"No, I remember everything that happened until I was taken ill. It's +strange I was taken so suddenly. I can see you playing Chopin's +nocturne as distinctly as I see you now. Do you know that I had the +fancy that the cluster of roses you sent me was that nocturne embodied, +and that the shades of color were the variations in the melody?" + +"You are indeed very fanciful. I hope you will grow more rational as +you get well." + +"I remember you thought me slightly insane in the garden." + +"Yes; and you promised that you would see things just as they are after +leaving it." + +"I can't help seeing things just as they seem to me. Perhaps I do see +them just as they are." + +"Oh, no! To a matter-of-fact person like myself, you are clearly very +fanciful. If you don't improve in this respect, you'll have to take a +course in mathematics before returning to your work or you will mislead +your readers." + +"No, I'm going to take a course of weeding in the garden, and you were +to invite me into the arbor as soon as I had done enough to earn my +salt." + +"I fear you will pull up the vegetables." + +"You can at least show me which are the potatoes." + +In spite of a restraint that she tried to disguise, she broke out into +a low laugh at this reminiscence, and said: "After that revelation of +ignorance you will never trust me again." + +"I will trust you in regard to everything except kitchen vegetables," I +replied, more in earnest than in jest. "A most important exception," +she responded, her old troubled look coming back. "But you are talking +far too much. Your face is slightly flushed. I fear you are growing +feverish. I will call Mrs. Yocomb now." + +"Please do not. I never felt better in my life. You are doing me good +every moment, and it's so desperately stupid lying helplessly here." + +"Well, I suppose I must humor you a few moments longer," she laughed. +"People, when ill, are so arbitrary. By the way, your editorial friends +must think a great deal of you, or else you are valuable to them, for +your chief writes to Mr. Yocomb every day about you; so do some others; +and they've sent enough fruit and delicacies to be the death of an +ostrich." + +"I'm glad to hear that; it rather increases one's faith in human +nature. I didn't know whether they or any one would care much if I +died." + +"Mr. Morton!" she said reproachfully. + +"Oh, I remember my promise to you. If, like a cat, I had lost my ninth +life, I would live after your words. Indeed I imagine that you were the +only reason I did live. It was your will that saved me, for I hadn't +enough sense or spirit left to do more than flicker out." + +"Do you think so?" she asked eagerly, and a rich glow of pleasure +overspread her face. + +"I do indeed. You have had a subtle power over me from the first, which +I cannot resist, and don't wish to." + +"I must go now," she said hastily. + +"Please wait," I entreated. "I've a message for Mrs. Yocomb." + +She stood irresolutely near the door. + +"I wish you to tell her--why is it getting dark so suddenly?" + +"I fear we're going to have a shower," and she glanced apprehensively +toward the window. + +"When have I seen that look on your face before?" I asked quickly. + +"You had a message for Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"Yes. I wish you would make her realize a little of my unbounded +gratitude, which every day increases. In fact, I can't understand the +kindness of this family, it is so hearty, so genuine. Why, I was an +entire stranger the other day. Then Adah and--pardon me--you also used +expressions which puzzle me very much. I can't understand how I became +ill so suddenly. I was feeling superbly that Sunday evening, and then +everything became a blank. Mrs. Yocomb, from a fear of disquieting me, +won't say much about it. The impression that a storm or something +occurred that I can't recall, haunts me. You are one that couldn't +deceive if you tried." + +"You needn't think I've anything to tell when Mrs. Yocomb hasn't," she +answered, with a gay laugh. + +"Miss Warren," I said gravely, "that laugh isn't natural. I never heard +you laugh so before. Something _did_ happen." + +A flash of lightning gleamed across the window, and the girl gave an +involuntary and apprehensive start. + +Almost as instantaneously the events I had forgotten passed through my +mind. In strong and momentary excitement I rose on my elbow, and looked +for their confirmation in her troubled face. + +"Oh, forget--forget it all!" she exclaimed, in a low, distressed voice, +and she came and stood before me with clasped hands. + +"Would to God I had died!" I said, despairingly, and I sank back faint +and crushed. "I had no right to speak--to think of you as I did. +Good-by." + +"Mr. Morton--" + +"Please leave me now. I'm too weak to be a man, and I would not lose +your esteem." + +"But you will get well--you promised me that." + +"Well!" I said, in a low, bitter tone. "When can I ever be well? +Good-by." + +"Mr. Morton, would you blight my life?" she asked, almost indignantly. +"Am I to blame for this?" + +"Nor am I to blame. It was inevitable. Curses on a world in which one +can err so fatally." + +"Can you not be a brave, generous man? If this should go against +you--if you will not get well--you promised me to live." + +"I will exist; but can one whose heart is stone, and hope dead, _live?_ +I'll do my best. No, yon are not to blame--not in the least. Take the +whole comfort of that truth. Nor was I either. That Sunday _was_ the +day of my fate, since for me to see you was to love you by every +instinct and law of my being. But I trust, as you said, you will find +me too honorable to seek that which belongs to another." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, in tones of deep distress, "you saved this +home; you saved Mrs. Yocomb's life; you--you saved mine. Will you +embitter it?" + +"Would to God I had died!" I groaned. "All would then have been well. I +had fulfilled my mission." + +She wrung her hands as she stood beside me. "I can't--oh, I can't +endure this!" she murmured, and there was anguish in her voice. + +I rallied sufficiently to take her hand as I said: "Emily Warren, I +understand your crystal truth too well not to know that there is no +hope for me. I'll bear my hard fate as well as I can; but you must not +expect too much. And remember this: I shall be like a planet hereafter. +The little happiness I have will be but a pale reflection of yours. If +you are unhappy, I shall be so inevitably. Not a shadow of blame rests +on you--the first fair woman was not truer than you. I'll do my +best--I'll get up again--soon, I trust, now. If you ever need a +friend--but you would not so wrong me as to go to another--I won't be +weak and lackadaisical. Don't make any change; let this episode in your +life be between ourselves only. Good-by." + +"Oh, you look so ill--so changed--what can I say--?" + +Helpless tears rushed into her eyes. "You saved my life," she breathed +softly; but as she turned hastily to depart she met our hostess. + +"Oh, Mrs. Yocomb," she sobbed, "he knows all." + +"Thee surely could not have told him--" + +"Indeed I did not--it came to him like a flash." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, by all that's sacred, Miss Warren is not to blame for +anything--only myself. Please keep my secret; it shall not trouble any +one;" and I turned my face to the wall. + +"Richard Morton." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb, give me time. I'm too sorely wounded to speak to any +one." + +"A man should try to do what is right under all circumstances," she +said, firmly, "and it is your first and sacred duty to get well. It is +time for your medicine." + +I turned and said desperately, "Give me stimulants--give me anything +that will make me strong, so that I may keep my word; for if ever a man +was mortally weak in body and soul, I am." + +"I'll do my best for thee," she said, gently, "for I feel for thee and +with thee, as if thee were my own son. But I wish thee to remember now +and always that the only true strength comes from Heaven." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +WEAKNESS + + +Soul and body are too nearly related for one to suffer without the +other's sympathy. Mrs. Yocomb mercifully shielded me that evening, +merely saying that I had seen enough company for one day. My sleep that +night resulted from opiates instead of nature's impulses, and so was +unrefreshing, and the doctor was surprised to find a change for the +worse the following morning. For two or three days the scale wavered, +and I scarcely held what I had gained. Mrs. Yocomb rarely left me, and +I believe that I owe my life not only to her excellent nursing, but +even more to her strong moral support--her gentle but unspoken +sympathy. I knew she understood me, and that her mercy was infinite for +my almost mortal weakness; for now that the inexplicable buoyancy which +that chief of earthly hopes imparts was gone, I sank into an abyss of +despondency from which I feared I could never escape. Her wisdom and +intuitive delicacy led her to select Reuben as her chief assistant. I +found his presence very restful; for, so far from suspecting, he could +not understand a wound often more real and painful than any received on +battlefields. I now could not have endured Adah's intent and curious +scrutiny, and yet I deeply appreciated her kindness, for she kept my +table laden with delicate fruits and flowers. + +The dainty little vase was replenished daily also with clusters of +roses--roses only--and I soon recognized rare and perfect buds that at +this late season only a florist could supply. The pleasure they gave +was almost counterbalanced by the pain. Their exquisite color and +fragrance suggested a character whose perfection daily made my +disappointment more intolerable. At last Mrs. Yocomb said: + +"Richard Morton, is thee doing thy best to get well? Thee's incurring a +grave responsibility if thee is not. Emily Warren is quite alone in the +world and she came to me as to a mother when thee was taken ill, and +told me of thy unfortunate attachment. As thee said, she is not to +blame, and yet such is her kindly and sensitive nature that she suffers +quite as much as if she were wholly to blame. Her life almost depends +on thine. She is growing pale and ill. She eats next to nothing, and I +fear she sleeps but little. She is just waiting in miserable suspense +to see if thee will keep thy word and live. I believe thee _can_ live, +and grow strong and good and noble, if thee will." + +"Oh, Mrs. Yocomb, how you must despise me! If you but knew how I loathe +myself." + +"No, I'm sorry for thee from the depths of my heart. If thee's doing +thy best, I've not a word to say; but thee should know the truth. As +Emily said, thee has the power either to embitter her life or to add +very much to its happiness." + +"Well," I said, "if I have not the strength to overcome this unmanly, +contemptible weakness, I ought to die, and the sooner the better. If +I'm worth life, I shall live." + +If ever a weak, nerveless body yielded to an imperious will, mine did. +From that hour, as far as possible, I gave my whole thought to +recovery, and was as solicitous as I before had been apathetic. No +captain could have been more so in regard to his ship, which he fears +may not outride a storm. + +I appealed to Dr. Bates to rack his brains in the preparation of the +most effective tonics, I took my food with scrupulous regularity; and +in the effort to oxygenize my thin pale blood, drew long respirations +of the pure summer air. Mrs. Yocomb daily smiled a warmer and more +hearty encouragement. + +Under the impetus of a resolute purpose the wheels of life began to +move steadily and at last rapidly toward the goal of health. I soon was +able to sit up part of the day. + +As I rallied, I could not help recognizing the richer coloring that +came into the life at the farmhouse, and the fact touched me deeply. + +"What is my suffering compared with the happiness of this home?" I +thought. "It would have been brutally selfish to have died." + +I now had my letters brought to me. My paper--my first love--was daily +read, and my old interest in its welfare kindled slowly. + +"Work," I said, "is the best of antidotes. It shall be my remedy. Men +are respected only as they stand on their feet and work, and I shall +win her respect to the utmost." + +Reuben and Adah read to me. The presence of the former, like that of +his father and mother, was very restful; but Adah began to puzzle me. +At first I ascribed her manner to an extravagant sense of gratitude, +and the romantic interest which a young girl might naturally take in +one who had passed with her through peril, and who seemingly had been +dangerously ill in consequence; but I was compelled at last to see that +her regard was not open, frank, and friendly, but shy, absorbing, and +jealous. It gave her unmingled satisfaction that I did not ask for Miss +Warren, and she rarely spoke of her. When she did she watched me +keenly, as if seeking to read my thoughts. Reuben, on the contrary, +spoke freely of her; but, from some restraint placed upon him by his +mother probably, did not ask her to relieve him in his care of me again. + +After I began to sit up, Miss Warren would not infrequently come to my +door, when others were present, and smilingly express her gladness that +I was improving daily. Indeed there would often be quite gay repartee +between us, and I think that even Adah was so blinded by our manner +that her suspicions were allayed. It evidently puzzled her, and Reuben +also, that I had apparently lost my interest in one who had such great +attractions for me at first. But Adah was not one to seek long and +deeply for subtle and hidden causes of action. She had a quick eye, +however, for what was apparent, and scanned surfaces narrowly. I fear I +perplexed her as sorely as she did me. + +In spite of every effort to remain blind to the truth, I began to fear +that she was inclined to give me a regard which I had not sought, and +which would embarrass me beyond measure. + +That a man can exult over a passion in a woman which he cannot requite +is marvellous. That he can look curiously, critically, and complacently +on this most sacred mystery of a woman's soul, that he can care no more +for her delicate incense than would a grim idol, is proof that his +heart is akin to the stony idol in material, and his nature like that +of the gross, cruel divinity represented. The vanity that can feed on +such food has a more depraved appetite than the South Sea Islander, who +is content with human flesh merely. It would seem that there are those +who can smile to see a woman waste the richest treasures of her +spiritual life which were designed to last and sustain through the long +journey of life--ay, and even boast of her immeasurable loss, of which +they, wittingly or unwittingly, have been the cause. + +The oddest part of it all is that women can love such men instead of +regarding them as spider-like monsters that, were the doctrine of +transmigration true, would become spiders again as soon as compelled to +drop their human disguise. + +But women usually idealize the men they love into something very +different from what they are. Heaven knows that I was not a saint; but +I am glad that it caused me pain, and pain only, as I saw Adah shyly +and almost unconsciously bending on me glances laden with a priceless +gift, which, nevertheless, I could not receive. + +Her nature was too simple and direct for disguises, and when she +attempted them they were often so apparent as to be comically pathetic. +And yet she did attempt them. There was nothing bold and unmaidenly in +her manner, and as I look back upon those days I thank God that I was +never so graceless and brutal as to show or feel anything like contempt +for her gentle, childlike preference. Very possibly also my own +unfortunate experience made me more considerate, and it was my policy +to treat her with the same frank, undisguised affection that I +manifested toward Zillah, with, of course, the differences required by +their different ages. + +Adah was no longer repulsive to me. The events of that memorable night +of storm and danger, and the experiences that followed, had apparently +awakened her better nature, which, although having a narrow compass, +was gentle and womanly. Her old flippancy was gone. My undisguised +preference for Miss Warren after I had actually made her acquaintance, +and my persistent blindness to everything verging toward sentiment, had +perhaps done something toward dispelling her belief that beauty and +dress were irresistible. Thus she may have been led honestly to compare +herself with Emily Warren, who was not only richly endowed but highly +cultivated; at any rate her small vanity had vanished also, and she was +in contrast as self-distrustful and hesitating in manner as she +formerly had been abrupt and self-asserting. Moreover she had either +lost her interest in her neighbor's petty affairs, or else had been +made to feel that a tendency to gossip was not a captivating trait, and +we heard no more about what this one said or that one wore on her +return from meeting. While her regard was undoubtedly sincere, I felt +and hoped that it was merely a sentiment attendant on her wakening and +fuller spiritual life, rather than an abiding and deep attachment; and +I believed that it would soon be replaced by other interests after my +departure. For my own sake as well as hers I had decided to leave the +farmhouse as speedily as possible, but I soon began to entertain the +theory that I could dispel her dreams better by remaining a little +longer, and by proving that she held the same place in my thoughts as +Zillah, and could possess no other. There would then be no vain +imaginings after I had gone. + +I rather wanted to stay until I had fully recovered my health, for I +was beginning to take pride in my self-mastery. If I could regain my +footing, and stand erect in such quiet, manly strength as to change +Miss Warren's sympathy into respect only, I felt that I would achieve a +victory that would be a source of satisfaction for the rest of life. +That I could do this I honestly doubted, for seemingly she had +enthralled my whole being, and her power over me was wellnigh +irresistible. + +I knew that she understood Adah even better than I did, and it seemed +her wish to afford the girl every opportunity, for she never came to +ask how I was when Adah was present; and the latter was honest enough +to tell me that it was Miss Warren who had suggested some of the simple +yet interesting stories with which my long hours of convalescence were +beguiled; but in her latent jealousy she could not help adding: + +"Since Emily Warren selected them, thee cannot help liking them." + +"I certainly ought to like them doubly," I had quietly replied, looking +directly into her eyes, "since I am indebted for them to two friends +instead of one." + +"There's a great difference in friends," she said significantly. + +"Yes, indeed," I replied, smiling as frankly as if I had been talking +to Zillah; "and your mother is the best friend I have or ever expect to +have." + +Adah had sighed deeply, and had gone on with her reading in a girlish, +plaintive voice that was quite different from her ordinary tones. + +Unconsciously she had imbibed the idea--probably from what she often +heard at meeting--that anything read or spoken consecutively must be in +a tone different from that used in ordinary conversation, and she +always lifted up her voice into an odd, plaintive little monotone, that +was peculiar, but not at all disagreeable. It would not have been +natural in another, but was perfectly so to her, and harmonized with +her unique character. The long words even in the simple stories were +often formidable obstacles, and she would look up apprehensively, and +color for fear I might be laughing at her; but I took pains to gaze +quietly through the window in serene unconsciousness. She also stumbled +because her thoughts evidently were often far away from her book, but +at my cordial thanks when finishing the story her face would glow with +pleasure. And yet she missed something in my thanks, or else saw, in +the quiet manner with which I turned to my letters or paper, that which +was unsatisfactory, and she would sigh as she left the room. Her +gentle, patient efforts to please me, which oddly combined maidenly +shyness and childlike simplicity, often touched the depths of my heart, +and the thought came more than once, "If this is more than a girlish +fancy, and time proves that I am essential to her happiness--which is +extremely doubtful--perhaps I can give her enough affection to content +a nature like hers." + +But one glimpse of Emily Warren would banish this thought, for it +seemed as if my very soul were already wedded to her. "The thought of +another is impossible," I would mutter. "She was my fate." + +Four or five of the days during which I had been sufficiently strong to +sit up had passed away, and I was able to give more of my time to my +mail and paper, and thus to seem preoccupied when Adah came to read. I +found Zillah also a useful though unconscious ally, and I lured her +into my room by innumerable stories. Reuben and Mr. Yocomb were now +very busy in their harvest, and I saw them chiefly in the evening, but +they were too tired to stay long. Time often hung wofully heavy on my +hands, and I longed to be out of doors again; but Mrs. Yocomb was +prudently inexorable. I am sure that she restrained Adah a great deal, +for she grew less and less demonstrative in manner, and I was left more +to myself. + +Thus a week passed. It was Saturday morning, and between the harvest +without and preparations for Sunday within, all the inmates of the +farmhouse were very busy. The forenoon had wellnigh passed. I had +exhausted every expedient to kill time, and was looking on the +landscape shimmering in the fierce sunlight with an apathy that was +dull and leaden in contrast, when a low knock caused me to look up; but +instead of Adah, as I expected, Miss Warren stood in the doorway. + +"They are all so busy to-day," she said hesitatingly, "that I thought I +might help you pass an hour or two. It seems too bad that you should be +left to yourself so long." + +To my disgust, I--who had resolved to be so strong and self-poised in +her presence--felt that every drop of blood in my body had rushed into +my face. It certainly must have been very apparent, for her color +became vivid also. + +"I fear I was having a stupid time," I began awkwardly. "I don't want +to make trouble. Perhaps Mrs. Yocomb needs your help." + +"No," she said, smiling, "you can't banish me on that ground. I've been +helping Mrs. Yocomb all the morning. She's teaching me how to cook. +I've succeeded in proving that the family would have a fit of +indigestion that might prove fatal were it wholly dependent on my +performances." + +"Tell me what you made?" I said eagerly. "Am I to have any of it for my +dinner?" + +"Indeed you are not. Dr. Bates would have me indicted." + +She looked at me with solicitude, for although I had laughed with her I +felt ill and faint. Despairingly, I thought, "I cannot see her and +live. I must indeed go away." + +"So you are coming downstairs to-morrow?" she began. "We shall give yon +a welcome that ought to make any man proud. Mrs. Yocomb is all aglow +with her preparations." + +"I wish they wouldn't do so," I said, in a pained tone. "I'd much +rather slip quietly into my old place as if nothing had happened." + +"I imagined you would feel so, Mr. Morton," she said gently; "but so +much has happened that you must let them express their abounding +gratitude in their own way. It will do them good, and they will be the +happier for it." + +"Indeed, Miss Warren, that very word gratitude oppresses me. There is +no occasion for their feeling so. Why, Hiram, their man, could not have +done less. I merely happened to be here. It's all the other way now. If +ever a man was overwhelmed with kindness, I have been. How can I ever +repay Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"I am equally helpless in that respect; but I'm glad to think that +between some of our friends the question of repaying may be forgotten. +I never expect to repay Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Has she done so much for you, also?" + +"Yes, more than I can tell you." + +"Well," I said, trying to laugh, "if I ever write another paragraph it +will be due to her good nursing." + +"That is my chief cause for gratitude," she said hurriedly, the color +deepening again in her cheeks. "If you hadn't--if--I know of your brave +effort to get well, too--she told me." + +"Yes, Miss Warren," I said quietly, "I am now doing my best." + +"And you are doing nobly--so nobly that I am tempted to give you a +strong proof of friendship; to tell you what I have not told any one +except Mrs. Yocomb. I feel as if I had rather you heard it from me than +casually from others. It will show how--how I trust you." + +My very heart seemed to stand still, and I think my pallor alarmed her; +but feeling that she had gone too far, she continued hurriedly, taking +a letter from her pocket: + +"I expect my friend to-night. He's been absent, and now writes that he +will--" + +I shrank involuntarily as if from a blow, and with her face full of +distress she stopped abruptly. + +Summoning the whole strength of my manhood, I rallied sufficiently to +say, in a voice that I knew was unnatural from the stress I was under: + +"I congratulate you. I trust you may be very happy." + +"I had hoped--" she began. "I would be if I saw that you were happy." + +"You are always hoping," I replied, trying to laugh, "that I may become +sane and rational. Haven't you given that up yet? I shall be very happy +to-morrow, and will drink to the health of you both." + +She looked at me very dubiously, and the trouble in her face did not +pass away. "Let me read to you," she said abruptly. "I brought with me +Hawthorne's 'Mosses from an Old Manse.' They are not too familiar, I +trust?" + +"I cannot hear them too often," I said, nerving myself as if for +torture. + +She began to read that exquisite little character study, "The Great +Stone Face." Her voice was sweet and flexible, and varied with the +thought as if the words had been set to music. At first I listened with +delight to hear my favorite author so perfectly interpreted; but soon, +too soon, every syllable added to my sense of unutterable loss. + +Possibly she intuitively felt my distress, possibly she saw it as I +tried to look as stoical as an Indian chief who is tortured on every +side with burning brands. At any rate she stopped, and said +hesitatingly: + +"You--you do not enjoy my reading." + +With a rather grim smile I replied: "Nothing but the truth will answer +with you. I must admit I do not." + +"Would--would you like to hear something else?" she asked, in evident +embarrassment. + +"Nothing is better than Hawthorne," I said. "I--I fear I'm not yet +strong enough." Then, after a second's hesitation, I spoke out +despairingly: "Miss Warren, I may as well recognize the truth at once, +I never shall be strong enough. I've overrated myself. Good-by." + +She trembled; tears came into her eyes, and she silently left the room. +So abrupt was her departure that it seemed like a flight. + +After she had gone I tottered to my feet, with an imprecation on my +weakness, and I took an amount of stimulant that Dr. Bates would never +have prescribed; but it had little effect. In stony, sullen protest at +my fate, I sat down again, and the hours passed like eternities. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +OLD PLOD IDEALIZED + + +Adah brought me up my dinner, and I at once noted that she was in a +flutter of unusual excitement. Her mother had undoubtedly prepared her +for the arrival of the expected guest, and made known also his +relations to one of whom she had been somewhat jealous, and it would +seem that the simple-hearted girl could not disguise her elation. + +I was in too bitter a mood to endure a word, and yet did not wish to +hurt her feelings; therefore she found me more absorbed in my paper and +preoccupied than ever before. + +"Thank you, Miss Adah," I said, cordially but briefly. "Editors are +wretched company; their paper is everything to them, and I've something +on my mind just now that's very absorbing." + +"Thee isn't strong enough to work yet," she said sympathetically. + +"Oh, yes," I replied, laughing bitterly; "I'm a small edition of +Samson. Besides, I'm as poor as Job's impoverished turkey, and must get +to work again as soon as possible." + +"There is no need of thee feeling that way; we--" and then she stopped +and blushed. + +"I know all about 'we,'" I laughed; "your hearts are as large as this +wide valley, but then I must keep my self-respect, you know. You have +no idea how happy you ought to be in such a home as yours." + +"I like the city better," she replied, blushing, and she hastily left +the room. + +My greed for work departed as abruptly. "Poor child!" I muttered. +"'Life is a tangle,' as Miss Warren said, and a wretched one, too, for +many of us." + +Mrs. Yocomb soon after came in, and looked with solicitude at my almost +untasted dinner. + +"Why, Richard," she said, "thy appetite flags strangely. Isn't thy +dinner to thy taste?" + +"The fault is wholly in me," I replied. + +"Thee doesn't look so well--nothing like so well. Has Adah said +anything to trouble thee?" she asked apprehensively. + +"No, indeed; Adah is just as good and kind as she can be. She's +becoming as good as she is beautiful. Every day increases my respect +for her;" and I spoke earnestly and honestly. + +A faint color stole into the matron's cheek, and she seemed pleased and +relieved, but she remarked quietly: + +"Adah's young and inexperienced." Then she added, with a touch of +motherly pride and solicitude, "She's good at heart, and I think is +trying to do right." + +"She will make a noble woman, Mrs. Yocomb--one that you may well be +proud of, or I'm no judge of character," I said, with quiet emphasis. +"She and Zillah have both been so kind to me that they already seem +like sisters. At any rate, after my treatment in this home I shall +always feel that I owe to them a brother's duty." + +The color deepened in the old lady's face, that was still so fair and +comely, and tears stood in her eyes. + +"I understand thee, Richard," she said quietly. "I thought I loved thee +for saving our lives and our home, but I love thee more now. Still thee +cannot understand a mother's heart. Thee's a true gentleman." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb, you must learn to understand me better or I shall +have to run away in self-defence. When you talk in that style I feel +like an arrant hypocrite. I give you my word that I've been swearing +this very forenoon." + +"Who was thee swearing at?" she asked, in much surprise. + +"Myself, and with good reason." + +"There is never good reason for such wickedness," she said gravely, but +regarding me with deep solicitude. Presently she added, "Thee has had +some great provocation?" + +"No; I've been honored with unmerited kindness and trust, which I have +ill requited." "Emily Warren has been to see thee?" + +"Yes." + +"Did she tell thee?" + +"Yes; and I feel that I could throttle that man. Now you know what a +heathen savage I am." + +"Yes," she said dryly, "thee has considerable untamed human nature." +Then added, smiling, "I'll trust him with thee, nevertheless. I'm +inclined to think that for her sake thee'd do more for him than for any +man living. Now wouldn't thee?" + +"Oh, Satan take him! Yes!" I groaned. "Forgive me, Mrs. Yocomb. I'm so +unmanned, so desperate from trouble, that I'm not fit for decent +society, much less your company. You believe in a Providence: why was +this woman permitted to enslave my very soul when it was of no use?" + +"Richard Morton," she said reproachfully, "thee is indeed unmanned. +Thee's wholly unjust and unreasonable. This gentleman has been Emily +Warren's devoted friend for years. He has taken care of her little +property, and done everything for her that her independent spirit would +permit. He might have sought an alliance among the wealthiest, but he +has sued long and patiently for her hand--" + +"Well he might," I interrupted irritably. "Emily Warren is the peer of +any man in New York." + +"Thee knows New York and the world in general well enough to be aware +that wealthy bankers do not often seek wives from the class to which +Emily belongs, though in my estimation, as well as in thine, no other +class is more respectable. But I'm not blinded by prejudice, and I +think it speaks well for him that he is able to recognize and honor +worth wherever he finds it. Still, he knew her family. The Warrens were +quite wealthy, too, at one time." + +"What is his name?" I asked sullenly. + +"Gilbert Hearn." "What, Hearn the banker, who resides on Fifth Avenue?" + +"The same." + +"I know him--that is, I know who he is--well." Then I added bitterly, +"It's just like him; he has always had the good things of this world, +and always will. He'll surely marry her." + +"Has thee anything against him?" + +"Yes, infinitely much against him: I feel as if he were seeking to +marry my wife." + +"That's what thee said when out of thy mind," she exclaimed +apprehensively. "I hope thee is not becoming feverish?" "Oh, no, Mrs. +Yocomb, I've nothing against him at all. He is pre-eminently +respectable, as the world goes. He is shrewd, wonderfully shrewd, and +always makes a ten-strike in Wall Street; but his securing Miss Warren +was a masterstroke. There, I'm talking slang, and disgracing myself +generally." But my bitter spirit broke out again in the words, "Never +fear; Gilbert Hearn will have the best in the city; nothing less will +serve him." + +"Thee is prejudiced and unjust. I hope thee'll be in a better mood +to-morrow," and she left my room looking hurt and grieved. + +I sank back in my chair in wretched, reckless apathy, and from the +depths of my heart wished I had died. + +After a little time Mrs. Yocomb came hastily in, looking half ashamed +of her weakness, and in her hands was a bowl of delicious broth. + +"My heart relents toward thee," she said, with moist eyes. "I ought to +have made more allowance for one whose mother left him much too early. +Take this, every drop, and remember thy pledge to get well and be a +generous man. I'll trust thee to keep thy word," and she departed +before I could speak. + +"Well, I should be a devil incarnate if I didn't become a man after her +kindness," I muttered, and I gulped down the broth and my evil mood at +the same time. + +At the end of an hour I could almost have shaken hands with Gilbert +Hearn, who prospered in all that he touched. + +As the sun declined I heard the rustle of a silk on the stairway. A +moment later Miss Warren mounted the horseblock and stood waiting for +Reuben, who soon appeared in the family rockaway. + +I thought the maiden looked a trifle pale in contrast with her light +silk, but perhaps it was the shadow of the tree she stood under; but I +muttered, "Even his critical taste can find no fault with that form and +face; she'll grace his princely home, and none will recognize the truth +more clearly than he." + +She hesitatingly lifted her eyes toward my window, and I started back, +forgetting that I was hidden by the half-closed blind; but my face +suffused with pleasure as I said to myself: + +"Heaven bless her! she does not forget me wholly, even on the threshold +of her happiness." + +At that moment Old Plod, passing through the yard in his early Saturday +release from toil, gave a loud whinny of recognition. The young girl +started visibly, sprang lightly down from the block and caressed her +great heavy-footed pet, and then, without another glance at my window, +entered the rockaway, and was driven rapidly toward the distant depot +at which she would welcome the most fortunate man in the world. + +I now felt sure that I had guessed her associations with the old +plow-horse, and, sore-hearted as I was, I laughed long and silently +over the quaint fancy. + +"Truly," I muttered, "the courtly and elegant banker would not feel +flattered if he knew about it. How in the world did she ever come to +unite the two in her mind?" + +But as I thought it all over I was led to conclude that it was natural +enough. The lonely girl had no doubt found that even in the best +society of a Christian city she must ever be warily on her guard. She +was beautiful, and yet poor and apparently friendless; and, as she had +intimated, she had found many of the young and gay ready to flatter, +and with anything but sincere motives. The banker, considerably her +senior, had undoubtedly proved himself a quiet, steadfast friend. He +was not the fool to neglect her as did those stupid horses, for any +oats the world could offer, and she always found him, like Old Plod, +ready to drop everything for her, and well he might. "No matter how +devoted he has been, he can never plume himself on any magnanimity," I +said to myself. "She probably finds him a trifle formal and sedate, and +rather lacking in ideality, just as Old Plod is very stolid till she +appears; but then he is safe and strong, and very kind to a friendless +girl, who might well shrink from the vicissitudes of her lot, and would +naturally be attracted by the protection and position which he could +offer. In spite of the disparity of years, a woman might easily love a +man who could do so much for her, and the banker is still well +preserved and handsome. Of course Emily Warren does love him: all the +wealth of Wall Street could not buy her. Yes, in a world full of +lightning flashes she has made a thrifty and excellent choice. I may as +well own it, in spite of every motive to prejudice. Gilbert Hearn is +not my ideal man by any means. Good things are essential to him. He +would feel personally aggrieved if the weather was bad for two days in +succession. He is very charitable and public-spirited, and he likes our +paper to recognize the fact: I have proof of that too. Alms given in +the dark are not exactly wasted--but I'm thinking scandal. He so likes +to let his 'light so shine.' He's respectability personified, and the +toil-worn girl will be taken into an ark of safety. + +"I suppose I ought to be magnanimous enough to think that it's all for +the best, since he can do infinitely more for her than I ever could. +She will be the millionaire's wife, and I'll go back to my dingy little +office and write paragraphs heavy enough to sink a cork ship. Thus will +end my June idyll; but should I live a century I will always feel that +Gilbert Hearn married my wife." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +AN IMPULSE + + +For nearly an hour I sat listlessly in my chair and watched the shadows +lengthen across the valley. Suddenly an impulse seized me, and I +resolved to obey it. + +"If I can go downstairs to-morrow, I can go just as well to-night," I +said, "and go I will. She shall not have a shadow on her first evening +with her lover, and she's too good-hearted to enjoy it wholly if she +thinks I'm moping and sighing in my room. Moreover, I shall not let my +shadows make a background for the banker's general prosperity. Stately +and patronizing he cannot help being, and Miss Warren may lead him to +think that he is under some obligation to me--I wish he might never +hear of it--but, by Vulcan and his sledge! he shall have no cause to +pity me while he unctuously rubs his hands in self-felicitation." + +As far as my strength permitted, I made a careful toilet, and sat down +to wait. As the sun sank below the horizon, the banker appeared. "Very +appropriate," I muttered; "but his presence would make it dark at +midday." + +Miss Warren was talking with animation, and pointing out the +surrounding objects of interest, and he was listening with a +wonderfully complacent smile on his smooth, full face. + +"How prosperous he looks!" I muttered. "The idea of anything going +contrary to his will or wishes!" + +Then I saw that a little girl sat on the front seat with Reuben, and +that he was letting her drive, but with his hand hovering near the +reins. + +Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb came out and greeted Mr. Hearn cordially, and he in +return was very benign, for it was evident that, in their place and +station, he found them agreeable people, and quite to his mind. + +"Why doesn't he take off his hat to Mrs. Yocomb as if she were a +duchess?" I growled. "That trunk that fills half the rockaway doesn't +look as if he had come to spend Sunday only. Perhaps we are destined to +make a happy family. I wonder who the little girl is?". + +The banker was given what was known as the parlor bedroom, on the +ground floor, and I heard Adah taking the little girl to her room. + +Miss Warren did not glance at my window on her return. "She would have +been happy enough had I remained here and sighed like a furnace," I +muttered grimly. "Well, idiot! why shouldn't she be?" + +She had evidently lingered to say something to Mrs. Yocomb, but I soon +heard her light step pass up to her room. + +"Now's my chance," I thought. "Mrs. Yocomb is preparing for supper, and +all the rest are out of the way," and I slipped down the stairs with +noiseless and rather unsteady tread. Excitement, however, lent me a +transient strength, and I felt as if the presence of the banker would +give me sinews of steel. I entered the parlor unobserved, and taking my +old seat, from which I had watched the approach of the memorable storm, +I waited events. + +The first one to appear was the banker, rubbing his hands in a way that +suggested a habit of complacency and self-felicitation. He started +slightly on seeing me, and then said graciously: + +"Mr. Morton, I presume?" + +"You are correct, Mr. Hearn. I congratulate you on your safe arrival." + +"Thanks. I've travelled considerably, and have never met with an +accident. Glad to see you able to be down, for from what I heard I +feared you had not sufficiently recovered." + +"I'm much better to-day, sir," I replied, briefly. + +"Well, this air, these scenes ought to impart health and content. I'm +greatly pleased already, and congratulate myself on finding so pleasant +a place of summer sojourn. It will form a delightful contrast to great +hotels and jostling crowds." I now saw Miss Warren, through the +half-open door, talking to Mrs. Yocomb. They evidently thought the +banker was conversing with Mr. Yocomb. + +Instead of youthful ardor and bubbling happiness, the girl's face had a +grave, sedate aspect that comported well with her coming dignities. +Then she looked distressed. Was Mrs. Yocomb telling her of my profane +and awful mood? I lent an inattentive ear to Mr. Hearn's excellent +reasons for satisfaction with his present abode, and in the depths of +my soul I thought, "If she's worrying about me now, how good-hearted +she is!" + +"I already foresee," Mr. Hearn proceeded, in his full-orbed tones, +"that it will also be just the place for my little girl--safe and +quiet, with very nice people to associate with." + +"Yes," I said emphatically, "they are nice people--the best I ever +knew." + +Miss Warren started violently, took a step toward the door, then +paused, and Mrs. Yocomb entered first. + +"Why, Richard Morton!" she exclaimed, "what does thee mean by this +imprudence?" + +"I mean to eat a supper that will astonish you," I replied, laughing. + +"But I didn't give thee leave to come down." + +"You said I could come to-morrow, so I haven't disobeyed in spirit." + +Miss Warren still stood in the hall, but seeing that I had recognized +her, she came forward and gave me her hand as she said: + +"No one is more glad than I that you are able to come down." + +Her words were very quiet, but the pressure of her hand was so warm as +to surprise me, and I also noted that what must have been a vivid color +was fading from her usually pale face. I saw, too, that Mr. Hearn was +watching us keenly. + +"Oh, but you are shrewd!" I thought. "I wish you had cause to suspect." + +I returned her greeting with great apparent frankness and cordiality as +I replied, "Oh, I'm much better to-night, and as jolly as Mark Tapley." + +"Well," ejaculated Mrs. Yocomb, "thee _has_ stolen a march on us, but +I'm afraid thee'll be the worse for it." + +"Ah, Mrs. Yocomb," I laughed, "your captive has escaped. I'm going to +meeting with you to-morrow." + +"No, thee isn't. I feel as if I ought to take thee right back to thy +room." + +"Mr. Yocomb," I cried to the old gentleman, who now stood staring at me +in the doorway, "I appeal to you. Can't I stay down to supper?" + +"How's this! how's this!" he exclaimed. "We were going to give thee a +grand ovation to-morrow, and mother had planned a dinner that might +content an alderman." + +"Or a banker," I thought, as I glanced at Mr. Hearn's ample waistcoat; +but I leaned back in my chair and laughed heartily as I said: + +"You cannot get me back to my room, Mrs. Yocomb, now that I know I've +escaped an ovation. I'd rather have a toothache." + +"But does thee really feel strong enough?" + +"Oh, yes; I never felt better in my life." + +"I don't know what to make of thee," she said, with a puzzled look. + +"No," I replied; "you little knew what a case I was when you took me in +hand." + +"I'll stand up for thee, Friend Morton. Thee shall stay down to supper, +and have what thee pleases. Thee may as well give in, mother; he's out +from under thy thumb." + +"My dear sir, you talk as if you were out, too. I fear our mutiny may +go too far. To-morrow is Sunday, Mrs. Yocomb, and I'll be as good as I +know how all day, which, after all, is not promising much." + +"It must be very delightful to you to have secured such good friends," +began Mr. Hearn, who perhaps felt that he had stood too long in the +background. "I congratulate you. At the same time, Mr. and Mrs. +Yocomb," with a courtly bend toward them, "I do not wonder at your +feelings, for Emily has told me that Mr. Morton behaved very handsomely +during that occasion of peril." + +"Did I?" I remarked, with a wry face. "I was under the impression that +I looked very ridiculous," and I turned a quick, mischievous glance +toward Miss Warren, who seemed well content to remain in the background. + +"Yes," she said, laughing, "your appearance did not comport with your +deeds." + +"I'm not so sure about that," I replied, dryly. "At any rate, I much +prefer the present to reminiscences." + +"I trust that you will permit me, as one of the most interested +parties, to thank you also," began Mr. Hearn, impressively. + +"No, indeed, sir," I exclaimed, a little brusquely. "Thanks do not +agree with my constitution at all." + +"Hurrah!" cried Reuben, looking in at the parlor window. + +"Yes, here's the man to thank," I resumed. "Even after being struck by +lightning he was equal to the emergency." + +"No, thee don't, Richard," laughed Reuben. "Thee needn't think thee's +going to palm that thing off on me. We've all come to our senses now." + +For some reason Miss Warren laughed heartily, and then said to me, "You +look so well and genial to-night that I do begin to think it was some +other tramp." + +"I fear I'm the same old tramp; for, as Reuben says, we have all come +to our senses." + +"Thee didn't lose thy senses, Richard, till after thee was sick. 'Twas +mighty lucky thee wasn't struck," explained the matter-of-fact Reuben. + +"You must permit me to echo the young lad's sentiment," said Mr. Hearn, +feelingly. "It was really a providence that you escaped, and kept such +a cool, clear head." + +I fear I made another very wry face as I looked out of the window. +Reuben evidently had not liked the term "young lad," but as he saw my +expression he burst out laughing as he said: + +"What's the matter, Richard? I guess thee thinks thee had the worst of +it after all." + +"So thee has," broke out Mr. Yocomb. "Thee didn't know what an awful +scrape I was getting thee into when I brought thee home from meeting. +Never was a stranger so taken in before. I don't believe thee'll ever +go to Friends' meeting again," and the old gentleman laughed heartily, +but tears stood in his eyes. + +In spite of myself my color was rising, and I saw that Mrs. Yocomb and +Miss Warren looked uncomfortably conscious of what must be in my mind; +but I joined in his laugh as I replied: + +"You are mistaken. Had I a prophet's eye, I would have come home with +you. The kindness received in this home has repaid me a thousand times. +With a sick bear on their hands, Mrs. Yocomb and Miss Adah were in a +worse scrape than I." + +"Well, thee hasn't growled as much as I expected," laughed Mrs. Yocomb; +"and now thee's a very amiable bear indeed, and shall have thy supper +at once," and she turned to depart, smiling to herself, but met in the +doorway Adah and the little stranger--a girl of about the same age as +Zillah, with large, vivid black eyes, and long dark hair. Zillah was +following her timidly, with a face full of intense interest in her new +companion; but the moment she saw me she ran and sprang into my arms, +and, forgetful of all others, cried gladly: + +"Oh, I'm so glad--I'm so glad thee's well!" + +The impulse must have been strong to make so shy a child forget the +presence of strangers. + +I whispered in her ear, "I told you that your kiss would make me well." + +"Yes; but thee said Emily Warren's roses too," protested the little +girl. + +"Did I?" I replied, laughing. "Well, there's no escaping the truth in +this house." + +I dared not look at Miss Warren, but saw that Mr. Hearn's eyes were on +her. + +"Confound him!" I thought. "Can he be fool enough to be jealous?" + +Adah still stood hesitatingly in the doorway, as if she dared not trust +herself to enter. I put Zillah down, and crossing the room in a free, +frank manner, I took her hand cordially as I said: + +"Miss Adah, I must thank you next to Mrs. Yocomb that I am able to be +down this evening, and that I am getting well so fast. You have been +the best of nurses, and just as kind and considerate as a sister. I'm +going to have the honor of taking you out to supper." I placed her hand +on my arm, and its thrill and tremble touched my very soul. In my +thoughts I said, "It's all a wretched muddle, and, as the banker said, +mysterious enough to be a providence"; but at that moment the ways of +Providence seemed very bright to the young girl, and she saw Mr. Hearn +escorting Miss Warren with undisguised complacency. + +As the latter took her seat I ventured to look at her, and if ever a +woman's eyes were eloquent with warm, approving friendliness, hers +were. I seemingly had done the very thing she would have wished me to +do. As we bowed our heads in grace, I was graceless enough to growl, +under my breath, "My attentions to Adah are evidently very +satisfactory. Can she imagine for a moment--does she take me for a +weather-vane?" + +When grace was over, I glanced toward her again, a trifle indignantly; +but her face now was quiet and pale, and I was compelled to believe +that for the rest of the evening she avoided my eyes and all references +to the past. + +"Why, mother!" exclaimed Mr. Yocomb from the head of the table, "thy +cheeks are as red--why, thee looks like a young girl." + +"Thee knows I'm very much pleased to-night," she said. "Does thee +remember, Richard, when thee first sat down to supper with us?" + +"Indeed I do. Never shall I forget my trepidation lest Mr. Yocomb +should discover whom, in his unsuspecting hospitality, he was +harboring." + +"Well, I've discovered," laughed the old gentleman. "Good is always +coming out of Nazareth." + +"It seems to me that we've met before," remarked Mr. Hearn, graciously +and reflectively. + +"Yes, sir," I explained. "As a reporter I called on you once or twice +for information." + +"Ah, now it comes back to me. Yes, yes, I remember; and I also remember +that you did not extract the information as if it had been a tooth. +Your manner was not that of a professional interviewer. You must meet +with disagreeable experiences in your calling." + +"Yes, sir; but perhaps that is true of all callings." + +"Yes, no doubt, no doubt; but it has seemed to me that a reporter's lot +must frequently bring him in contact with much that is disagreeable." + +"Mr. Morton is not a reporter," said Adah, a trifle indignantly; "he's +the editor of a first-class paper." + +"Indeed!" exclaimed Mr. Hearn, growing much more benign; "why, Emily, +you did not tell me that." + +"No, I only spoke of Mr. Morton as a gentleman." + +"I imagine that Miss Warren thinks that I have mistaken my calling, and +that I ought to be a gardener." + +"That's an odd impression. Mr. Yocomb would not even trust you to +weed," she retorted quickly. + +"I have a fellow feeling for weeds; they grow so easily and naturally. +But I must correct your impressions, Miss Adah. I'm not the dignitary +you imagine-only _an_ editor, and an obscure night one at that." + +"Your night work on one occasion bears the light very well. I hope it +may be the earnest of the future," said Mr. Hearn impressively. + +I felt that he had a covert meaning, for he had glanced more than once +at Miss Warren when I spoke, and I imagined him a little anxious as to +our mutual impressions. + +"I feel it my duty to set you right also, Mr. Hearn," I replied, with +quiet emphasis, for I wished to end all further reference to that +occasion. "Through Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's kindness, I happened to be an +inmate of the farmhouse that night. I merely did what any man would +have done, and could have done just as well. My action involved no +personal peril, and no hardship worth naming. My illness resulted from +my own folly. I'd been overworking or overworked, as so many in my +calling are. Conscious that I am not in the least heroic, I do not wish +to be imagined a hero. Mrs. Yocomb knows what a bear I've been," I +concluded, with a humorous nod toward her. + +"Yes, I know, Richard," she said, quietly smiling. + +"After this statement in prose, Mr. Hearn, you will not be led to +expect more from me than from any ordinary mortal." + +"Indeed, sir, I like your modesty, your self-depreciation." + +"I beg your pardon," I interrupted a little decisively; "I hope you do +not think my words had any leaning toward affectation. I wished to +state the actual truth. My friends here have become too kind and +partial to give a correct impression." + +Mr. Hearn waved his hand very benignly, and his smile was graciousness +itself as he said: + +"I think I understand you, sir, and respect your sincerity. I've been +led to believe that you cherish a high and scrupulous sense of honor, +and that trait counts with me far more than all others." + +I understood him well. "Oh, you _are_ shrewd!" I thought; "but I'd like +to know what obligations I'm under to you?" I merely bowed a trifle +coldly to this tribute and suggestive statement, and turned the +conversation. As I swept my eyes around the table a little later, I +thought Miss Warren looked paler than usual. + +"Does she understand his precautionary measures?" I thought. "He'd +better beware--she would not endure distrust." + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +A WRETCHED FAILURE + + +The excitement that had sustained me was passing away, and I felt +myself growing miserably weak and depressed. The remainder of the meal +was a desperate battle, in which I think I succeeded fairly. I talked +that it might not be noticed that I was eating very little; joked with +Mr. Yocomb till the old gentleman was ruddy and tremulous with +laughter, and made Reuben happy by applauding one of Dapple's exploits, +the history of which was easily drawn from him. + +I spoke often to both Adah and Zillah, and tried to be as frank and +unconscious in one case as the other. I even made the acquaintance of +Mr. Hearn's little girl--indeed, her father formally presented her to +me as his daughter Adela. I knew nothing of his domestic history, and +gained no clew as to the length of the widowhood which he now proposed +to end as speedily as possible. + +I was amused by his not infrequent glances at Adah. He evidently had a +keen eye for beauty as for every other good thing of this world, and he +was not so desperately enamored but that he could stealthily and +critically compare the diverse charms of the two girls, and I imagined +I saw a slight accession to his complacency as his judgment gave its +verdict for the one toward whom he manifested proprietorship by a +manner that was courtly, deferential, but quite pronounced. A stranger +present could never have doubted their relationship. + +A brief discussion arose as to taste, in which Mr. Hearn assumed the +ground that nothing could take the place of much observation and +comparison, by means of which effects in color could be accurately +learned and valued. In reply I said: + +"Theories and facts do not always harmonize any more than colors. Miss +Adah's youth and rural life have not given her much opportunity for +observation and comparison, and yet few ladies on your Avenue have +truer eyes for harmony in color than she." + +"Mr. Morton being the judge," said the banker, with a profound and +smiling bow. "Permit me to add that Miss Adah has at this moment only +to glance in a mirror to obtain an idea of perfect harmony in color," +and his eyes lingered admiringly on her face. + +I was worsted in this encounter, and I saw the old gleam of +mirthfulness in Miss Warren's eyes. How well I remembered when I first +saw that evanescent illumination--the quick flash of a bright, genial +spirit. "She delights in her lover's keen thrusts," was now my thought, +"and is pleased to think I'm no match for him. She should remember that +it's a poor time for a man to tilt when he can scarcely sit erect." But +Adah's pleasure was unalloyed. She had received two decided +compliments, and she found herself associated with me in the +new-comer's mind, and by my own actions. + +"I frankly admit," I said, "that I'm a partial judge, and perhaps a +very incompetent one." Then I was stupid enough to add: "But newspaper +men are prone to have opinions. Mr. Yocomb was so sarcastic as to say +that there was nothing under heaven that an editor did not know." + +"Oh, if you judge by her father's authority, you are on safe ground, +and I yield at once." + +He had now gone too far, and I flushed angrily as we rose from the +table. I saw, too, that Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb did not like it either, and +that Adah was blushing painfully. It was one of those attempted +witticisms that must be simply ignored. + +My anxiety now was to get back to my room as speedily as possible. +Again I had overrated myself. The excitement of the effort was gone, +and my heart was like lead. I, too, would no longer permit my eyes to +rest even a moment on one whose ever-present image was only too vivid +in spite of my constant effort to think of something else; for so +complete was my enthrallment that it was intolerable pain to see her +the object of another's man's preferred attentions. I knew it was all +right; I was not jealous in the ordinary sense of the word; I merely +found myself unable longer, in my weak condition, to endure in her +presence the consequences of my fatal blunder. Therefore I saw with +pleasure that I might in a few moments have a chance to slip back to my +refuge as quietly as I had left it. Mrs. Yocomb was summoned to the +kitchen; a farm laborer was inquiring for her husband, and he and +Reuben went out toward the barn. Adah would have lingered, but the two +children pulled her away to the swing. + +Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren stood by me a moment or two as I sat on the +lounge in the hall, and then the former said: "Emily, this is just the +time for a twilight walk. Come, and show me the old garden;" and he +took her away, with an air of proprietorship at which I sickened, to +that place consecrated by my first conscious vision of the woman that I +hoped would be my fair Eve. + +The moment they were off the porch I tottered to the stairway, and +managed to reach the turn of the landing, and there my strength failed, +and I held on to the railing for support, feeling ill and faint. A +light step came quickly through the hall and up the stairway. + +"Why, Mr. Morton!" exclaimed Miss Warren, "you are not going up so +soon?" + +"Yes, thank you," I managed to say cheerily. "Invalids must be prudent. +I'm only resting on the landing a little." + +"I found it rather cool and damp, and so came back for a shawl," she +explained, and passed on up to her room, for she seemed a little +embarrassed at meeting me on the stairs. In her absence I made a +desperate effort to go on, but found that I would fall. I must wait +till she returned, and then crawl up the best I could. + +"You see I'm prudence personified," I laughed, as she came back. "I'm +taking it so leisurely that I have even sat down about it." + +"Are you not overtaxing yourself?" she asked gently. "I fear--" + +"Oh, no, indeed--will sleep all the better for a change. Mr. Hearn is +waiting for you, and the twilight isn't. Don't worry; I'll surpass +Samson in a week." + +She looked at me keenly, and hesitatingly passed down the dusky +stairway. Then I turned and tried to crawl on, eager to gain my room +without revealing my condition; but when I reached the topmost stair it +seemed that I could not go any further if my life depended on it. With +an irritable imprecation on my weakness, I sank down on the topmost +step. + +"Mr. Morton," said a low voice, "why did you try to deceive me? You +have gone far beyond your strength." + +"You here--you of all others," I broke out, in tones of exasperation. +"I meant that your first evening should be without a shadow, and have +failed, as I now fail in everything. Call Reuben." + +"Let me help you?" she pleaded, in the same hurried voice. + +"No," I replied harshly, and I leaned heavily against the wall. She +held out her hand to aid me, but I would not take it. + +"I've no right even to look at you--I who have been doubly enjoined to +cherish such a 'scrupulous sense of honor.' I'd better have died a +thousand times. Call Reuben." + +"How can I leave you so ill and unhappy!" and she made a gesture of +protest and distress whose strong effect was only intensified by the +obscurity. "I had hoped--you led me to think to-night--" + +"That I was a weather-vane. Thank you." + +Steps were heard entering the hall. + +"Oh! oh!" she exclaimed, in bitter protest. + +"Emily," called the banker's voice, "are you not very long?" + +I seized her hand to detain her, and said, in a fierce whisper: "Never +so humiliate me as to let him know. Go at once; some one will find me." + +"Your hand is like ice," she breathed. + +I ignored her presence, leaned back, and closed my eyes. + +She paused a single instant longer, and then, with a firm, decisive +bearing, turned and passed quietly down the stairway. + +"What in the world has kept you?" Mr. Hearn asked, a trifle impatiently. + +"Can you tell me where Reuben is?" she answered, in a clear, firm +voice, that she knew I must hear. + +"What does thee want, Emily?" cried Reuben from the piazza. + +"Mr. Morton wishes to see you," she replied, in the same tone that she +would have used had my name been Mrs. Yocomb's, and then she passed out +with her affianced. + +Reuben almost ran over me as he came bounding up the stairs. + +"Hold on, old fellow," I whispered, and I pulled him down beside me. +"Can you keep a secret? I'm played out--Reuben--to speak elegantly--and +I don't wish a soul to know it. I'm sitting very--comfortably on this +step--you see--that's the way it looks--but I'm stuck--hard +aground--you'll have to tow me off. But not a word, remember. Lift me +up--let me get my arm around your neck--there. Lucky I'm not +heavy--slow and easy now--that's it. Ah, thank the Lord! I'm in my +refuge again. I felt like a scotched snake that couldn't wriggle back +to its hole. Hand me that brandy there--like a good fellow. Now I won't +kelp you--any longer. If you care--for me--never speak of this." + +"Please let me tell mother?" + +"No, indeed." + +"But doesn't Emily Warren know?" + +"She knows I wanted to see you." + +"Please let me do something or get thee something." + +"No; just leave me to myself a little while, and I'll be all right. Go +at once, that's a good fellow." + +"Oh, Richard, thee shouldn't have come down. Thee looks so pale and +sick that I'm afraid thee'll die yet; if thee does, thee'll break all +our hearts," and the warm-hearted boy burst out crying, and ran and +locked himself in his room. + +I was not left alone very long, for Mrs. Yocomb soon entered, saying: + +"I'm glad thee's so prudent, and has returned to thy room. Thee acted +very generously to-night, and I appreciate it. I had no idea thee could +be so strong and carry it out so well. Emily was greatly surprised, but +she enjoyed her first evening far more than she otherwise could have +done, for she's one of the most kind-hearted, sensitive girls I ever +knew. I do believe it would have killed her if thee hadn't got well. +But thee looks kind of weak and faint, as far as I can see. Let me +light the lamp for thee." + +"No, Mrs. Yocomb, I like the dusk best. The light draws moths. They +will come, you know, the stupid things, though certain to be scorched. +One in the room at a time is enough. Don't worry--I'm a little +tired--that's all. Sleep is all I need." + +"Is thee sure?" "Yes, indeed; don't trouble about me. You won't know me +in a few days." + +"Thee was a brave, generous man to-night, Richard. I understood the +effort thee was making, and I think Emily did. A good conscience ought +to make thee sleep well." + +I laughed very bitterly as I said, "My conscience is gutta-percha +to-night, through and through, but please say no more, or I'll have to +shock you again. I'll be in a better mood to-morrow." + +"Well, good-night. Thee'll excuse a housekeeper on Seventh-day evening. +If thee wants anything, ring thy bell." + +She came and stroked my brow gently for a moment, and then breathed +softly: + +"God bless thee, Richard. May the Sabbath's peace quiet thy heart +to-morrow." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +IN THE DEPTHS + + +I awoke late Sunday morning and found Reuben watching beside me. + +"Thee's better, isn't thee?" he asked eagerly. + +"Well, I ought to be. You're a good fellow, Reuben. What time is +it?--nearly night again, I hope." + +"Oh, no, it's only about eleven; they're all gone to meeting. I made +'em leave you in my care. Adah would have stayed, but mother told her +she was to go. Emily Warren's grandfather wanted to go spooning off in +the woods, but she made him go to meeting too. I don't see how she ever +came to like him, with his grand airs." + +"She has good reasons, rest assured." + +"Well, he ain't the kind of a man I'd go for if I was a girl." + +"Miss Warren is not the girl to go for any man, Reuben. He had to seek +her long and patiently. But that's their affair--we have nothing to do +with it." + +"I thought thee was taken with her at first," said Reuben innocently. + +"I do admire Miss Warren very much--now as much as ever. I admire a +great many ladies, especially your mother. I never knew a truer, kinder +lady." + +"And if it had not been for thee, Richard, she might have been burned +up," and tears came into his eyes. + +"Oh, no, Reuben. You could have got them all out easily enough." + +"I fear I would have lost my head." + +"No, you wouldn't; you are not of that kind. Please say no more about +that affair. I've heard too much of it." + +"Does thee think thee'll be able to come down to dinner? Mother and +father and all of us will be awfully disappointed if thee isn't." + +"Yes, I'll come down if you'll stand by me, and help me back when I +give you the wink. I won't go down till dinner's ready; after it's over +you can help me out under some tree. I'm just wild to get out of doors." + +I had a consuming desire to retrieve myself, and prove that I was not +weakness personified, and I passed through the ordeal of dinner much +better than I expected. Mr. Hearn was benignness itself, but I saw that +he was very observant. The shrewd Wall Street man had the eye of an +eagle when his interests were concerned, and he very naturally surmised +that no one could have seen so much of Miss Warren as I had, and still +remain entirely indifferent; besides, he may have detected something in +my manner or imagined that the peculiar events of the past few weeks +had made us better acquainted than he cared to have us. + +Miss Warren's greeting was cordial, but her manner toward me was so +quiet and natural that he had no cause for complaint, and I felt that I +had rather be drawn asunder by wild horses than give him a clew to my +feelings. I took a seat next to Mr. Yocomb, and we chatted quietly most +of the time. The old gentleman was greatly pleased about something, and +it soon came out that Mr. Hearn had promised him five hundred dollars +to put a new roof on the meeting-house and make other improvements. I +drew all the facts readily from the zealous Friend, together with quite +a history of the old meeting-house, for I proposed to make a +complimentary item of the matter in my paper, well knowing how grateful +such incense was to the banker's soul. Mr. Hearn, who sat nearest to +us, may have heard my questions and divined my purpose, for he was +peculiarly gracious. + +I was not able to do very much justice to Mrs. Yocomb's grand dinner, +but was unstinted in my praise. The banker made amends for my +inability, and declared he had never enjoyed such a repast, even at +Delmonico's. I though Miss Warren's appetite flagged a little, but to +the utmost extent of my power I kept my eyes and thoughts from her. + +After dinner Reuben helped me to a breezy knoll behind the dwelling, +and spreading some robes from the carriage-house under a wide-branching +tree, left me, at my request, to myself. The banker now had his way, +and carried Miss Warren off to a distant grove. I would not look at +them as they went down the lane together, but shut my eyes and tried to +breathe in life and health. + +Adah read to the two little girls for some time, and then came +hesitatingly toward me. I feigned sleep, for I was too weak and +miserable to treat the girl as she deserved. She stood irresolutely a +moment or two, and then slowly and lingeringly returned to the house. + +My feigning soon became reality, and when I awoke Reuben was sitting +beside me, and I found had covered me well to guard against the +dampness of the declining day. + +"You are always on hand when I need you most," I said smilingly. "I +think I will go back to my room now, while able to make a respectable +retreat." + +I saw Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren entering the house, and thought that +they had had a long afternoon together, but that time no doubt had +passed more quickly with them than with me, even though I had slept for +hours. When reaching the parlor door I saw Miss Warren at the piano; +she turned so quickly as almost to give me the impression that she was +waiting to intercept me. + +"Would you not like to hear your favorite nocturne again?" she asked, +with a friendly smile. + +I hesitated, and half entered the parlor. Her face seemed to light up +with pleasure at my compliance. How divine she appeared in the quaint, +simple room! I felt that I would gladly give the best years of my life +for the right to sit there and feast my eyes on a grace and beauty that +to me were indescribable and irresistible; but the heavy tread of the +banker in the adjoining room reminded me that I had no right--that to +see her and to listen would soon become unendurable pain. I had twice +been taught my weakness. + +"Thank you," I said, with a short, dry laugh; "I'm sorely tempted, but +it's time I learned that for me discretion is certainly the better part +of valor," and I turned away, but not too soon to see that her face +grew sad and wistful. + +"Heaven bless her kind heart!" I murmured as I wearily climbed the +stairs. + +Adah brought me up my supper long before the others were through, and I +felt a faint remorse that I had feigned sleep in the afternoon, even +though my motive had been consideration for her as truly as for myself. + +"Miss Adah!" I exclaimed, "you are growing much too unselfish. Why +didn't you get your supper first?" + +"I've had all I wish. I'm not hungry to-night." + +"Truly, you look as if you lived on roses; but you can't thrive long on +such unsubstantial diet. It was real good of you to read to those +children so long. If I had been an artist, I would have made a sketch +of you three. You and that little dark-eyed girl make a lovely +contrast." + +"I like her," she said simply; "I feel as if I wanted some one to pet. +Can't I read to you while you eat your supper?" + +"I'd rather have you talk to me: what do you think of the little girl's +father?" + +"I haven't thought much about him." + +"I wish you could see his house in New York; it's a superb one, and on +your favorite Fifth Avenue." + +"Yes, I know," she replied absently. + +"I should think you would envy Miss Warren." + +"I don't," she said emphatically; "the man is more than the house." + +"I don't think you would have said that a month ago." + +"I fear not. I fear thee didn't like me that Sunday afternoon when I +was so self-satisfied. I've thought it over." + +"Indeed, Miss Adah, I would gladly be struck by lightning myself if it +would change me for the better as greatly as you are changed." + +"It wasn't the lightning," she said, blushing and slowly shaking her +head. "I've been thinking." + +"Ah," I laughed, "you are shrewd. If women only knew it, there's +nothing that gives beauty like thought, and it's a charm that increases +every year. Well," I continued, with the utmost frankness, "I do like +you now, and what is more, I honestly respect you. When you come to New +York again, I am going to ask your mother to trust me as if I were your +older brother, and I'll take you to see and hear much that I'm sure +you'll enjoy." + +"Oh, that will be splendid!" she cried gladly. "I know mother will let +me go with thee, because--because--well, she says thee is a gentleman." + +"Do you know, Miss Adah, I'd rather have your mother say that than have +all Mr. Hearn's thousands. But your mother judges me leniently. To tell +you the honest truth, I've come lately to have a very poor opinion of +myself. I feel that I would have been a much better man if, in past +years, I had seen more of such people as dwell in this house." + +"Thee remembers what father said to thee," she replied, shyly, with +downcast eyes; "this is thy home hereafter." + +"She looks now," I thought, "as if she might fulfil the dream I wove +about her on that memorable day when I first saw her in the +meeting-house. How perverse my fate has been, giving me that for which +I might well thank God on my knees, and yet which my heart refuses, and +withholding that which will impoverish my whole life. Why must the +heart be so imperious and self-willed in these matters? An elderly +gentleman would say, Everything is just right as it is. It would be the +absurdity of folly for Miss Warren to give up her magnificent prospects +because of your sudden and sickly sentiment; and what more could you +ask or wish than this beautiful girl, whose womanhood has awakened and +developed under your very eyes, almost as unconsciously as if a rosebud +had opened and shown you its heart? Indeed, but a brief time since I +would have berated any friend of mine who would not take the sensible +course which would make all happy. If I could but become 'sane and +reasonable,' as Miss Warren would say, how she would beam upon me, and, +the thought of my disappointment and woe-begone aspect banished, how +serenely she would go toward her bright future! And yet in taking this +sane and sensible course I would be false to my very soul--false to +this simple, true-hearted girl, to whom I could give but a cold, hollow +pretence in return for honest love. I would become an arrant hypocrite, +devoid of honor and self-respect." + +"Heaven bless you, Adah!" I murmured. "I love you too well for all your +kindness and goodness to pretend to love you so ill." + +Thoughts like these passed through my mind as I thanked her for all +that she had done for me, and told her of such phases of New York life +as I thought would interest her. She listened with so intent and +childlike an expression on her face that I could scarcely realize that +I was talking to one in whose bosom beat the heart of a woman. I felt +rather as if I were telling Zillah a fairy story. + +Still I had faith in her intuition, and believed that after I was gone +she would recognize and accept the frank, brotherly regard that I now +cherished toward her. + +Reuben was not very long in joining us, and boy-like did not note that +his sister evidently wished him far away. My greeting was so cordial +that she noted with a sigh that I did not regard him as the unwelcome +third party. Then Mr. Yocomb and the little girls came to the door and +asked if there was room for a crowd. Soon after Mrs. Yocomb appeared, +with her comely face ruddy from exercise. + +"I've hurried all I could," she said, "but thee knows how it is with +housekeepers; and yet how should thee know, living all thy life alone +in dens, as thee said? Why, thee's having a reception." + +"I fear your guests downstairs will feel neglected, Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Don't thee worry about that, Richard," Mr. Yocomb said, laughing. "I'm +not so old, mother, but I can remember when we could get through an +evening together without help from anybody. I reckon we could do so +again--eh? mother? Ha, ha, ha! so thee isn't too old to blush yet? +How's that, Richard, for a young girl of sixty? Don't thee worry about +Emily Warren. I fear that any one of us would make a large crowd in the +old parlor." + +This was sorry comfort, and I fear that my laugh was anything but +honest, while Mrs. Yocomb stared out of the window, at which she sat +fanning herself, with a fixedness that I well understood. + +But they were all so kind and hearty that I could no more give way to +dejection than to chill and cheerlessness before a genial wood fire. +They seemed in truth to have taken me into the family. Barely was I now +addressed formally as Richard Morton. It was simply "Richard," spoken +with the unpremeditated friendliness characteristic of family +intercourse. Heathen though I was, I thanked God that he had brought me +among these true-hearted people; "and may He blast me," I muttered, "if +I ever relapse into the old sneering cynicism that I once affected. Let +me at least leave that vice to half-fledged young men and to bad old +men." + +One thing puzzled me. Miss Warren remained at her piano, and it struck +me as a little odd that she did not find the music of her lover's voice +preferable, but I concluded that music was one of the strongest bonds +of sympathy between them, and one of the means by which he had won her +affection. Sometimes, as her voice rose clear and sweet to my open +windows, I answered remarks addressed to me with an inaptness that only +Mrs. Yocomb understood. + +Before very long, that considerate lady looked into my face a moment, +and then said decisively: + +"Richard, thee is getting tired. We must all bid thee good-night at +once." + +Adah looked almost resentfully at her mother, and lingered a little +behind the others. As they passed out she stepped hastily back, and +unclasping a rosebud from her breastpin laid it on the table beside me. + +"It was the last one I could find in the garden," she said, +breathlessly, and with its color in her cheeks. Before I could speak +she was gone. + +"It shall be treated with reverence, like the feeling which led to the +gift," I murmured sadly. "Heaven grant that it may be only the impulse +of a girlish fancy;" and I filled a little vase with water and placed +the bud near the window, where the cool night air could blow upon it. + +Still Miss Warren remained at the piano. "How singularly fond of music +he is!" I thought. + +I darkened my room, and sat at the window that I might hear every note. +The old garden, half hidden by trees, looked cool and Eden-like in the +light of the July moon, athwart whose silver hemisphere fleecy clouds +were drifting like the traces of thought across a bright face. +Motionless shadows stretched toward the east, from which the new day +would come, but with a dreary sinking of heart I felt as it each coming +day would bring a heavier burden. + +But a little time passed before I recognized Chopin's Nocturne, to +which I had listened with kindling hope on the night of the storm. Was +it my own mood, or did she play it with far more pathos and feeling +than on that never-to-be-forgotten evening? Be that as it may, it +evoked a fiercer storm of unavailing passion and regret in my mind. In +bitterness of heart I groaned aloud and insulted God. + +"It was a cruel and terrible thing," I charged, "to mock a creature +with such a hope. Why was such power over me given to her when it was +of no use?" But I will say no more of that hour of weak human idolatry. +It was a revelation to me of the depths of despair and wretchedness +into which one can sink when unsustained by manly fortitude or +Christian principle. It is in such desperate, irrational moods that +undisciplined, ill-balanced souls thrust themselves out from the light +of God's sunshine and the abundant possibilities of future good. I now +look back on that hour with shame, and cannot excuse it even by the +fact that I was enfeebled in mind as well as body by disease. We often +never know ourselves or our need until after we have failed miserably +under the stress of some strong temptation. + +I was the worse the next day for my outburst of passion, and the +wretched night that followed, and did not leave my room; but I was grim +and rigid in my purpose to retrieve myself. I appeared to be occupied +with my mail and paper much of the day, and I wrote a very +complimentary paragraph concerning the banker's gift for the +meeting-house. Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren were out riding much of the +time. I saw them drive away with a lowering brow, and was not disarmed +of my bitterness because I saw, through the half-closed blinds, that +the young girl stole a swift glance at my window. + +Adah was pleased as she saw how I was caring for her gift; but I +puzzled and disheartened her by my preoccupation and taciturnity. She +took the children off on a long ramble in the afternoon, and heaped +coals of fire on my head by bringing me an exquisite collection of +ferns. + +The next morning I went down to breakfast resolving to take my place in +the family, and make no more trouble during the brief remainder of my +stay, for I proposed to go back to the city as soon as I had shown +enough manhood to satisfy my pride, and had made Miss Warren believe +that she could dismiss her solicitude on my account, and thus enjoy the +happiness which apparently I had clouded. As I saw her pale face again +I condemned my weakness unsparingly, and with the whole force of my +will endeavored to act and appear as both she and Mr. Hearn would +naturally wish. + +"Richard," said Reuben, after breakfast, "I've borrowed a low phaeton, +and I'm going to take thee out with Dapple. He'll put life in thee, +never fear. He'd cure me if I were half dead." + +He was right; the swift motion through the pure air braced me greatly. + +When we returned, the banker sat on the piazza. Adah was near, with +some light sewing, and the connoisseur was leisurely admiring her. Well +he might, for in her neat morning gown she again seemed the embodiment +of a June day. She rose to meet me, with a faint accession to her +delicate color, and said: + +"The ride has done thee good; thee looks better than thee has any day +yet." + +"Reuben's right," I said, laughing; "Dapple would bring a fossil to +life," and the young fellow drove chuckling down toward the barn, +making Dapple rear and prance in order to show off a little before Mr. +Hearn. + +I sat down a few moments to rest. Miss Warren must have heard our +voices; but she went on with an intricate piece of music in which she +was displaying no mean skill. I did not think Mr. Hearn was as much +interested in it as I was. His little girl came out of the house and +climbed into Adah's lap. She evidently liked being petted, and was not +a little spoiled by it The banker continued to admire the picture they +made with undisguised enjoyment, and I admitted that the most critical +could have found no fault with the group. + +After exerting myself to seem exceedingly cheerful, and laughing +heartily at a well-worn jest of Mr. Hearn's, I went to my room and +rested till dinner, and I slept away the afternoon as on the previous +day. + +My plan was now to get sufficiently strong to take my departure by the +following Monday, and I was glad indeed that the tonic of out-of-door +air promised an escape from a position in which I must continually seem +to be what I was not--a cheerful man in the flood tide of +convalescence. Were it not that my kind friends at the farmhouse would +have been grievously hurt, I would have left at once. + +As I returned from my ride the next day, Mr. Hearn greeted me with a +newspaper in his hand. + +"I'm indebted to you," he said, in his most gracious manner, "for a +very kindly mention here. So small a donation was not worth the +importance you give it, but you have put the matter so happily and +gracefully that it may lead other men of means to do likewise at the +various places of their summer sojourn. You editors are able to wield a +great deal of influence." + +I bowed, and said I was glad the paragraph had been worded in a way not +disagreeable to him. + +"Oh, it was good taste itself, I assure you, sir. It seemed the natural +expression of your interest in that which interests your good friends +here." + +When I came down to dinner I saw that there was an unwonted fire in +Miss Warren's eyes and unusual color in her cheeks. Moreover, I +imagined that her replies to the few remarks that I addressed to her +were brief and constrained. "She is no dissembler," I thought; +"something has gone wrong." + +After dinner I went to my room for a book, and as I came out I met her +in the hall. + +"Mr. Morton," she said, with characteristic directness, "if you had +given a sum toward a good object in a quiet country place, would you +have been pleased to see the fact paraded before those having no +natural interest in the matter?" + +"I have never had the power to be munificent, Miss Warren," I replied, +with some embarrassment. + +"Please answer me," she insisted, with a little impatient tap of the +floor with her foot. + +"No," I said bluntly. + +"Did you think it would be pleasing to me?" + +"Pardon me," I began, "that I did not sufficiently identify you with +Mr. Hearn--" + +"What!" she interrupted, blushing hotly, "have I given any reason for +not being identified with him?" + +"Not at all--not in one sense," I said bitterly. "Of course you are +loyalty itself." + +She turned away so abruptly as to surprise me a little. + +"You had no more right to think it would be pleasing to him than to +me," she resumed coldly. + +"Miss Warren," I said, after a moment, "don't turn your back on me. I +won't quarrel with you, and I promise to do nothing of the kind again;" +and I spoke gravely and a little sadly. + +"When you speak in that way you disarm me completely," she said, with +one of the sudden illuminations of her face that I so loved to see; but +I also noted that she had become very pale, and as my eyes met hers I +thought I detected the old frightened look that I had seen when I had +revealed my feelings too clearly after my illness. + +"She fears that I may again speak as I ought not," I thought; and +therefore I bowed quietly and passed on. Mr. Hearn was reading the +paper on the piazza. I took a chair and went out under the elm, not far +away. In a few moments Miss Warren joined her affianced, and sat down +with some light work. + +"Emily," I heard the banker say, as if the topic were uppermost in his +mind, "I'd like to call your attention to this paragraph. I think our +friend has written it with unusual good taste and grace, and I've taken +pains to tell him so." + +I could not help hearing his words; but I would not look up to see her +humiliation, and turned a leaf, as if intent on my author. + +After a moment she said, with slight but clear emphasis: + +"I can't agree with you." + +A little later she went to the piano; but I never heard her play so +badly. A glance at Mr. Hearn revealed that his dignity and complacency +had received a wound that he was inclined to resent. I strolled away +muttering: + +"She has idealized him as she did Old Plod, but after all it's not a +very serious foible in a man of millions." + +Before the day passed she found an opportunity to ask: + +"Why did you not tell me that Mr. Hearn had spoken to you approvingly +of that paragraph?" + +"I would not willingly say anything to annoy you," I replied quietly. + +"Did you hear him call my attention to it?" + +"I could not help it." + +"You did not look up and triumph over me." + +"That would have given me no pleasure." + +"I believe you," she said, in a low tone; but she devoted herself so +assiduously to the stately banker that he became benignness itself. I +also observed that Mr. Yocomb looked in vain for the paper after tea. +"I happened to destroy the copy," I said very innocently. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +POOR ACTING + + +The last week that I proposed to spend at the farmhouse was passing +quietly and uneventfully away. I was gaining steadily though not +rapidly in physical strength, but not in my power to endure my +disappointment with equanimity, much less with resignation. In the +delirium of my fever I kept constantly repeating the words--so Mrs. +Yocomb told me--"It's all wrong." Each successive day found these words +on my lips again with increasing frequency. It seemed contrary to both +right and reason that one should so completely enslave me, and then go +away leaving me a bound and helpless captive. The conviction grew +stronger that no such power over me should have been given to her, if +her influence was to end only in darkening my life and crippling my +power to be a forceful man among men. I felt with instinctive certainty +that my burden would be too heavy to leave me the elastic spring and +energy required by my exacting profession. A hopeful, eager interest in +life and the world at large was the first necessity to success in my +calling; but already I found a leaden apathy creeping over me which +even the powerful motives of pride, and my resolute purpose to seem +cheerful that she might go on to her bright future unregretfully, were +not sufficiently strong to banish. If I could not cope with this +despondency in its inception, how could I face the future? + +At first I had bitterly condemned my weakness; but now I began to +recognize the strength of my love, which, so far from being a mere +sudden passion, was the deep, abiding conviction that I had met the +only woman I could marry--the woman whom my soul claimed as its mate, +because she possessed the power to help me and inspire me to tireless +effort toward better living and nobler achievement. Her absolute truth +would keep me true and anchored amid the swift, dark currents of the +world to which I was exposed. I feared, with almost instinctive +certainty, that I would become either a brooding, solitary man or else +a very ambitious and reckless one, for I was conscious of no reserve +strength which would enable me to go steadfastly on my way under the +calm and inexorable guidance of duty. + +Such was my faith in her that I had no hope whatever. If she loved and +had given her troth to another man, it would not be in her nature to +change, therefore my purpose had simplified itself to the effort to get +through this one week at the farmhouse in a manner that would enable me +to carry away the respect of all its inmates, but especially the esteem +of one to whom I feared I seemed a rash, ill-balanced man. So carefully +had I avoided Miss Warren's society, and yet so freely and frankly, +apparently, had I spoken to her in the presence of her affianced, that +his suspicions were evidently banished, and he treated me with a +gracious and patronizing benignity. He saw no reason why he should not +turn on me the light of his full and smiling countenance, which might +be taken as an emblem of prosperity; and, in truth, I gave him no +reason. So rigid was the constraint under which I kept myself that +jealousy itself could not have found fault. + +With the exception of the two momentary interviews recorded in the +previous chapter, we had not spoken a syllable together, except in his +presence, nor had I permitted my eyes to follow her with a wistful +glance that he or she could intercept. Even Mrs. Yocomb appeared to +think that I was recovering in more senses than one, and by frequent +romps with the children, jests and chaffing with Mr. Yocomb and Reuben, +by a little frank and ostentatious gallantry to Adah, which no longer +deceived even her simple mind, since I never sought her exclusive +society as a lover would have done, I confirmed the impression. + +And yet, in spite of all efforts and disguises, the truth will often +flash out unexpectedly and irresistibly, making known all that we hoped +to hide with the distinctness of the lightning, which revealed even the +color of the roses on the night of the storm. + +The weather had become exceedingly warm, and Miss Warren's somewhat +portly suitor clung persistently to the wide, cool veranda. Adah sat +there frequently also; sometimes she read to the children fairy +stories, of which Adela, Mr. Hearn's little girl, had brought a great +store, and she seemed to enjoy them quite as much as her eager-eyed +listeners; but more often she superintended their doll dressmaking, +over which there were the most animated discussions. The banker would +look on with the utmost content, while he slowly waved his palm-leaf +fan. Indeed the group was pretty enough to justify all the pleasure he +manifested. + +The rustic piazza formed just the setting for Adah's beauty, and her +light summer costume well suggested her perfect and womanly form, while +the companionship of the children proved that she was almost as +guileless and childlike as they. The group was like a bubbling, +sparkling spring, at which the rather advanced man of the world sipped +with increasing pleasure. + +Miss Warren also gave much of her time to the children, and beguiled +them into many simple lessons at the piano. Zillah was true to her +first love, but Adela gave to Adah a decided preference; and when they +entered on the intense excitement of making a new wardrobe for each of +the large dolls that Mr. Hearn had brought, Adah had the advantage, for +she was a genius in such matters, and quite as much interested as the +little girls themselves. + +In my desperate struggle with myself, I tried not even to see Miss +Warren, for every glance appeared to rivet my chains, and yet I gained +the impression that she was a little restless and _distraite_. She +seemed much at her piano, not so much for Mr. Hearn's sake as her own, +and sometimes I was so impressed by the strong, passionate music that +she evoked that I was compelled to hasten beyond its reach. It meant +too much to me. Oh, the strange idolatry of an absorbing affection! All +that she said or did had for me an indescribable charm that both +tortured and delighted. Still every hour increased my conviction that +my only safety was in flight. + +My faithful ally, Reuben, still took me on long morning drives, and in +the afternoon, with my mail and paper, I sought secluded nooks in a +somewhat distant grove, which I reached by the shady lane, of which I +had caught a glimpse with Miss Warren on the first evening of my +arrival. But Friday afternoon was too hot for the walk thither. The +banker had wilted and retired to his room. Adah and the children were +out under a tree. The girl looked up wistfully and invitingly as I came +out. + +"I wish I were an artist, Miss Adah," I cried. "You three make a lovely +picture." + +Remembering an arbor at the further end of the garden, I turned my +steps thither, passing rapidly by the spot where I had seen my Eve who +was not mine. + +I had entered the arbor before I saw it was occupied, and was surprised +by the vivid blush with which Miss Warren greeted me. + +"Pardon me," I said, "I did not know you were here," and I was about to +depart, with the best attempt at a smile that I could muster. + +She sprang up and asked, a little indignantly: "Am I infected with a +pestilence that you so avoid me, Mr. Morton?" + +"Oh, no," I replied, with a short, grim laugh; "if it were only a +pestilence--I fear I disturbed your nap; but you know I'm a born +blunderer." + +"You said we should be friends," she began hesitatingly. + +"Do you doubt it?" I asked gravely. "Do you doubt that I would hesitate +at any sacrifice--?" + +"I don't want sacrifices. I wish to see you happy, and your manner +natural." + +"I'm sure I've been cheerful during the past week." + +"No, you have only seemed cheerful; and often I've seen you look as +grim, hard, and stern as if you were on the eve of mortal combat." + +"You observe closely, Miss Warren." + +"Why should I not observe closely? Do you think me inhuman? Can I +forget what I owe you, and that you nearly died?" + +"Well," I said dejectedly, "what can I do? It seems that I have played +the hypocrite all the week in vain. I will do whatever you ask." + +"I was in hopes that as you grew well and strong you would throw off +this folly. Have you not enough manhood to overcome it?" + +"No, Miss Warren," I said bluntly, "I have not. What little manhood I +had led to this very thing." + +"Such--such--" + +"Enthrallment, you may call it." + +"No, I will not; it's a degrading word. I would not have a slave if I +could." + +"Since I can't help it, I don't see how you can. I may have been a poor +actor, but I know I've not been obtrusive." + +"You have not indeed," she replied a little bitterly; "but you have no +cause for such feelings. They seem to me unnatural, and the result of a +morbid mind." + +"Yes, you have thought me very ill balanced from the first; but I'm +constrained to use such poor wits as I possess. In the abstract it +strikes me as not irrational to recognize embodied truth and +loveliness, and I do not think the less of myself because I reached +such recognition in hours rather than in months. I saw your very self +in this old garden, and every subsequent day has confirmed that +impression. But there's no use in wasting words in explanation--I don't +try to explain it to myself. But the fact is clear enough. By some +necessity of my nature, it is just as it is. I can no more help it than +I can help breathing. It was inevitable. My only chance was never +meeting you, and yet I can scarcely wish that even now. Perhaps you +think I've not tried, since I learned I ought to banish your image, but +I have struggled as if I were engaged in a mortal combat, as you +suggested. But it's of no use. I can't deceive you any more than I can +myself. Now you know the whole truth, and it seems that there is no +escaping it in our experience. I do not expect anything. I ask nothing +save that you accept the happiness which is your perfect right; for not +a shadow of blame rests on you. If you were not happy I should be only +tenfold more wretched. But I've no right to speak to you in this way. I +see I've caused you much pain; I've no right even to look at you +feeling as I do. I would have gone before, were it not for hurting Mrs. +Yocomb's feelings. I shall return to New York next Monday; for--" + +"Return to New York!" she repeated, with a sudden and deep breath; and +she became very pale. After a second she added hastily, "You are not +strong enough yet; we are the ones to go." + +"Miss Warren," I said, almost sternly, "it's little that I ask of you +or that you can give. I may not have deceived you, but I have the +others. Mrs. Yocomb knows; but she is as merciful as my own mother +would have been. I'm not ashamed of my love--I'm proud of it; but it's +too sacred a thing, and--well, if you can't understand me I can't +explain. All I ask is that you seem indifferent to my course beyond +ordinary friendliness. There! God bless you for your patient kindness; +I will not trespass on it longer. You have the best and kindest heart +of any woman in the world. Why don't you exult a little over your +conquest? It's complete enough to satisfy the most insatiable coquette. +Don't look so sad. I'll be your merry-hearted friend yet before I'm +eighty." + +But my faint attempt at lightness was a speedy failure, for my strong +passion broke out irresistibly. + +"O God!" I exclaimed, "how beautiful you are to me! When shall I forget +the look in your kind, true eyes? But I'm disgracing myself again. I've +no right to speak to you. I wish I could never see you again till my +heart had become stone and my will like steel;" and I turned and walked +swiftly away until, from sheer exhaustion, I threw myself under a tree +and buried my face in my hands, for I hated the warm, sunny light, when +my life was so cheerless and dark. + +I lay almost as if I were dead for hours, and the evening was growing +dusky when I arose and wearily returned to the farmhouse. They were all +on the veranda except Miss Warren, who was at her piano again. Mrs. +Yocomb met me with much solicitude. + +"Reuben was just starting out to look for thee," she said. + +"I took a longer ramble than I intended," I replied, with a laugh. "I +think I lost myself a little. I don't deserve any supper, and only want +a cup of tea." Miss Warren played very softly for a moment, and I knew +she was listening to my lame excuses. + +"It doesn't matter what thee wants; I know what thee needs. Thee isn't +out of my hands altogether yet; come right into the dining-room." + +"I should think you would be slow to revolt against such a benign +government," remarked Mr. Hearn most graciously, and the thought +occurred to me that he was not displeased to have me out of the way so +long. + +"Yes, indeed," chimed in Mr. Yocomb; "we're always all the better for +minding mother. Thee'll find that out, Richard, after thee's been here +a few weeks longer." + +"Mr. Yocomb, you're loyalty itself. If women ever get their rights, our +paper will nominate Mrs. Yocomb for President." + +"I've all the rights I want now, Richard, and I've the right to scold +thee for not taking better care of thyself." + +"I'll submit to anything from you. You are wiser than the advanced +female agitators, for you know you've all the power now, and that we +men are always at your mercy." + +"Well, now that thee talks of mercy, I won't scold thee, but give thee +thy supper at once." + +"Thee always knew, Richard, how to get around mother," laughed the +genial old man, whose life ever seemed as mellow and ripe as a juicy +fall pippin. + +Adah followed her mother in to assist her, and I saw that Miss Warren +had turned toward us. + +"Why, Richard Morton!" exclaimed Mrs. Yocomb, as I entered the lighted +dining-room. "Thee looks as pale and haggard as a ghost. Thee must have +got lost indeed and gone far beyond thy strength." + +"Can--can I do anything to assist you, Mrs. Yocomb?" asked a timid +voice from the doorway. + +I was glad that Adah was in the kitchen at the moment, for I lost at +once my ghostly pallor. "Yes," said Mrs. Yocomb heartily, "come in and +make this man eat, and scold him soundly for going so far away as to +get lost when he's scarcely able to walk at all. I've kind of promised +I wouldn't scold him, and somebody must." + +"I'd scold like Xanthippe if I thought it would do any good," she said, +with a faint smile; but her eyes were full of reproach. For a moment +Mrs. Yocomb disappeared behind the door of her china closet, and Miss +Warren added, in a low, hurried whisper to me, "You promised me to get +well; you are not keeping your word." + +"That cuts worse than anything Xanthippe could have said." + +"I don't want to cut, but to cure." + +"Then become the opposite of what you are; that would cure me." + +"With such a motive I'm tempted to try," she said, with a half-reckless +laugh, for Adah was entering with some delicate toast. + +"Miss Adah," I cried, "I owe you a supper at the Brunswick for this, +and I'll pay my debt the first chance you'll give me." + +"If thee talks of paying, I'll not go with thee," she said, a little +coldly; and she seemingly did not like the presence of Miss Warren nor +the tell-tale color in my cheeks. + +"That's a deserved rebuke, Miss Adah. I know well enough that I can +never repay all your kindness, and so I won't try. But you'll go with +me because I want you to, and because I will be proud of your company. +I shall be the envy of all the men present." + +"They'd think me very rustic," she said, smiling. + +"Quite as much so as a moss-rose. But you'll see. I will be besieged +the next few days by my acquaintances for an introduction, and my +account of you will make them wild. I shall be, however, a very dragon +of a big brother, and won't let one of them come near you who is not a +saint--that is, as far as I am a judge of the article." + +"Thee may keep them all away if thee pleases," she replied, blushing +and laughing. "I should be afraid of thy fine city friends." + +"I'm afraid of a good many of them myself," I replied; "but some are +genuine, and you shall have a good time, never fear." + +"I'll leave you to arrange the details of your brilliant campaign," +said Miss Warren, smiling. + +"But thee hasn't scolded Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, who was seemingly +busy about the room. + +"My words would have no weight. He knows he ought to be ashamed of +himself," she answered from the doorway. + +"I am, heartily," I said, looking into her eyes a moment. + +"Since he's penitent, Mrs. Yocomb, I don't see as anything more can be +done," she replied, smilingly. + +"I don't think much of penitence unless it's followed by reformation," +said my sensible hostess. "We'll see how he behaves the next few weeks." + +"Mr. Morton, I hope you will let Mrs. Yocomb see a daily change for the +better for a long time to come. She deserves it at your hands," and +there was almost entreaty in the young girl's voice. + +"She ought to know better than to ask it," I thought. My only answer +was a heavy frown, and I turned abruptly away from her appealing glance. + +"I think Emily Warren acts very queer," said Adah, after the young lady +had gone; "she's at her piano half the time, and I know from her eyes +that she's been crying this afternoon. If ever a girl was engaged to a +good, kind man, who would give her everything, she is. I don't see--" + +"Adah," interrupted her mother, "I hoped thee was overcoming that +trait. It's not a pleasing one. If people give us their confidence, +very well; if not, we should be blind." + +The girl blushed vividly, and looked deprecatingly at me. + +"You meant nothing ill-natured, Miss Adah," I said, gently; "it isn't +in you. Come, now, and let me tell you and your mother what a good time +I'm planning for you in New York," and we soon made the old dining-room +ring with our laughter. Mr. Yocomb, Reuben, and the children soon +joined us, and the lovers were left alone on the shadowy porch. From +the gracious manner of Mr. Hearn the following morning, I think he +rather thanked me for drawing off the embarrassing third parties. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE HOPE OF A HIDDEN TREASURE + + +The next day I lured Reuben off on a fishing excursion to a mountain +lake, and so congratulated myself on escaping ordeals to which I found +myself wholly unequal. We did not reach the farmhouse till quite late +in the evening, and found that Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren were out +enjoying a moonlight ride. As on the previous evening, all the family +gathered around Reuben and me as we sat down to our late supper, the +little girls arranging with delight the sylvan spoil that I had brought +them. They were all so genial and kind that I grieved to think that I +had but one more evening with them, and I thought of my cheerless +quarters in New York with an inward shiver. + +Before very long Mr. Hearn entered with Miss Warren, and the banker was +in fine spirits. + +"The moonlit landscapes were divine," he said. "Never have I seen them +surpassed--not even in Europe." + +It was evident that his complacency was not easily disturbed, for I +thought that a more sympathetic lover would have noted that his +companion was not so enthusiastic as himself. Indeed Miss Warren seemed +to bring in with her the cold pale moonlight. Her finely-chiselled oval +face looked white and thin as if she were chilled, and I noticed that +she shivered as she entered. + +"Come," cried Mr. Yocomb, in his hearty way; "Emily, thee and Mr. Hearn +have had thy fill of moonlight, dew, and such like unsubstantial stuff. +I'm going to give you both a generous slice of cold roast-beef. That's +what makes good red blood; and Emily, thee looks as if thee needed a +little more. Then I want to see if we cannot provoke thee to one of thy +old-time laughs. Seems to me we've missed it a little of late. Thy +laugh beats all thy music at the piano." + +"Yes, Emily," said Mr. Hearn, a little discontentedly, "I think you are +growing rather quiet and _distraite_ of late. When have I heard one of +your genuine, mirthful laughs?" + +With a sudden wonder my mind took up his question. When had I heard her +laugh, whose contagious joyousness was so infectious that I, too, had +laughed without knowing why? I now remembered that it was before he +came; it was that morning when my memory, more kind than my fate, still +refused to reveal the disappointment that now was crushing my very +soul; it was when all in the farmhouse were so glad at my assured +recovery. Reuben had said that she was like a lark that day--that she +equalled Dapple in her glad life. I could recall no such day since, +though her lover was present, and her happiness assured. Even he was +beginning to note that the light of his countenance did not illumine +her face--that she was "quiet and _distraite_." + +Manlike, I had to think it all out, but I thought swiftly. The echo of +his words had scarcely died away before the light of a great hope +flashed into my face as my whole heart put the question: + +"Can it be only sympathy?" + +She met my eager glance shrinkingly. I felt almost as if my life +depended on the answer that she might consciously or unconsciously +give. Why did she fall into painful and even piteous confusion? + +But her womanly pride and strong character at once asserted themselves, +for she arose quietly, saying, "I do not feel well this evening," and +she left the room. + +Mr. Hearn followed precipitately, and was profuse in his commiseration. + +"I shall be well in the morning," she said, with such clear, confident +emphasis that it occurred to me that the assurance was not meant for +his ears only; then, in spite of his entreaties, she went to her room. + +I wanted no more supper, and made a poor pretence of keeping Reuben +company, and I thought his boy's appetite never would be satisfied. My +mind was in such a tumult of hope and fear that I had to strive with my +whole strength for self-mastery, so as to excite no surmises. Mrs. +Yocomb gave me a few inquiring glances, thinking, perhaps, that I was +showing more solicitude about Miss Warren than was wise; but in fact +they were all so simple-hearted, so accustomed to express all they +thought and felt, that they were not inclined to search for hidden and +subtle motives. Even feigning more bungling than mine would have kept +my secret from them. Adah seemed relieved at Miss Warren's departure. +Mr. Hearn lighted a cigar and sat down on the piazza; as soon as +possible I pleaded fatigue and retired to my room, for I was eager to +be alone that I might, unwatched, look with fearful yet glistening eyes +on the trace I had discovered of an infinite treasure. + +I again sat down by the window and looked into the old garden. The +possibility that the woman that I had there seen, undisguised in her +beautiful truth, might be drawing near me, under an impulse too strong +to be resisted, thrilled my very soul. "It's contrary to reason, to +every law in nature," I said, "that she should attract me with such +tremendous gravitation, and yet my love have no counteraction. + +"And yet," I murmured, "beware--beware how you hope. Possibly she is +merely indisposed. It is more probable that her feelings toward you are +those of gratitude only and of deep sympathy. She is under the +impression that you saved her life, and that she has unwittingly +blighted yours; and, as Mrs. Yocomb said, she is so kind-hearted, so +sensitive, that the thought shadows her life and robs it of zest and +happiness. You cannot know that she is learning to return your love in +spite of herself, simply because she is pale and somewhat sad. She +would think herself, as she said, inhuman if she were happy and serene. +I must seek for other tests;" and I thought long and deeply. "Oh, Will +Shakespeare!" I at last murmured, "you knew the human heart, if any one +ever did. I remember now that you wrote: + +"'A murd'rous guilt shows not itself more soon Than love that would +seem hid.' + +"Oh, for the eyes of Argus. If all the mines of wealth in the world +were uncovered, and I might have them all for looking, I'd turn away +for one clear glimpse into her woman's heart to-night. Go to New York +on Monday! No, not unless driven away with a whip of scorpions. No +eagle that ever circled those skies watched as I'll stay and watch for +the faintest trace of this priceless secret. No detective, stimulated +by professional pride and vast reward, ever sought proof of 'murd'rous +guilt' as I shall seek for evidences of this pure woman's love, for +more than life depends on the result of my quest." + +Words like these would once have seemed extravagant and absurd, but in +the abandon of my solitude and in my strong excitement they but +inadequately expressed the thoughts that surged through my mind. But as +I grew calmer, Conscience asked to be heard. + +"Just what do you propose?" it asked; "to win her from another, who now +has every right to her allegiance and love? Change places, and how +would you regard the man who sought to supplant you? You cannot win +happiness at the expense of your honor." + +Then Reason added, with quiet emphasis, "Even though your conscience is +not equal to the emergency, hers will be. She will do what seems right +without any regard for the consequences. If you sought to woo her now, +she would despise you; she would regard it as an insult that she would +never forgive. It would appear proof complete that you doubted her +truth, her chief characteristic." + +Between them they made so strong a case against me that my heart sank +at the prospect. But hope is the lever that moves the world onward, and +the faint hope that had dawned on my thick night was too dear and +bright a one to leave me crushed again by my old despondency, and I +felt that there must be some way of untangling the problem. If the wall +of honor hedged me in on every side, I would _know_ the fact to be true +before I accepted it. + +"I do not propose to woo her," I argued; and possibly my good +resolution was strengthened by the knowledge that such a course would +be fatal to my hope; "I only intend to discover what may possibly +exist. I never have intentionally sought to influence her, even by a +glance, since I knew of her relation to Mr. Hearn. I'm under no +obligation to this prosperous banker; I'm only bound by honor in the +abstract. They are not married. Mrs. Yocomb would say that I had been +brought hither by an overruling Providence--it certainly was not a +conscious choice of mine--and since I met this woman everything has +conspired to bring me to my present position. I know I'm not to blame +for it--no more than I was for the storm or the lightning bolt. What a +clod I should be were I indifferent to the traits that she has +manifested! I feel with absolute certainty that I cannot help the +impression that she has made on me. If I could have foreseen it all, I +might have remained away; but I was led hither, and kept here by my +illness till my chains are riveted and locked, and the key is lost. I +cannot escape the fact that I belong to her, body and soul. + +"Now suppose, for the sake of argument, that gratitude, respect, +friendliness, a sense of being unprotected and alone in the world, have +led to her engagement with the wealthy, middle-aged banker, and that +through it all her woman's heart was never awakened: such a thing at +least is possible. If this were true, she would be no more to blame +than I, and we might become the happy victims of circumstances. I'm not +worthy of her, and never shall be, but I can't help that either. After +all, it seems to me that that which should fulfil my hope is not a +ledger balance of good qualities, but the magnetic sympathy of two +natures that supplement each other, and were designed for each other in +Heaven's match-making. Even now my best hope is based on the truth that +she attracts me so irresistibly, and though a much smaller body +morally, I should have some corresponding attraction for her. If her +woman's heart has become mine, what can she give him? Her very truth +may become my most powerful ally. If she still loves him, I will go +away and stay away; if it be in accordance with my trembling hope, I +have the higher right, and I will assert it to the utmost extent of my +power. Shall the happiness of two lives be sacrificed to his unflagging +prosperity? Could it ever be right for him to lead her body to the +altar and leave her heart with me? Could she, who is truth itself, go +there and perjure herself before God and man? No! a thousand times no! +It has become a simple question of whom she loves, and I'll find out if +Shakespeare's words are true. If she has love for me, let her bury it +never so deeply, my love will be the divining-rod that will inevitably +discover it." + +Having reached this conclusion, I at last slept, in the small hours of +the night. + +I thought I detected something like apprehension in her eyes when I met +her in the morning. Was she conscious of a secret that might reveal +itself in spite of her? But she was cheerful and decided in her manner, +and seemed bent on assuring Mr. Hearn that she was well again, and all +that he could desire. + +Were I in mortal peril I could not have been more vigilantly on my +guard. Not for the world would I permit her to know what was passing in +my mind--at least not yet--and as far as possible I resumed my old +manner. I even simulated more dejection than I felt, to counterbalance +the flash of hope that I feared she had recognized on the previous +evening. + +I well knew that all her woman's strength, that all her woman's pride +and exalted sense of honor would bind her to him, who was serenely +secure in his trust. My one hope was that her woman's heart was my +ally; that it would prove the strongest; that it would so assert itself +that truth and honor would at last range themselves on its side. Little +did the simple, frank old Quaker realize the passionate alternations of +hope and fear that I brought to his breakfast-table that bright Sunday. + +All that my guarded scrutiny could gather was that Miss Warren was a +little too devoted and thoughtful of her urbane lover, and that her +cheerfulness lacked somewhat in spontaneity. + +It was agreed at the breakfast-table that we should all go to meeting. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I said, finding her alone for a moment, "won't you be +moved this morning? I need one of your sermons more than any heathen in +Africa. Whatever your faith is, I believe in it, for I've seen its +fruits." + +"If a message is given to me I will not be silent; if not, it would be +presumptuous to speak. But my prayer is that the Spirit whom we worship +may speak to thee, and that thou wilt listen. Unless He speaks, my poor +words would be of no avail." + +"You are a mystery to me, Mrs. Yocomb, with your genial homely farm +life here, and your mystical spiritual heights at the meeting-house. +You seem to go from the kitchen by easy and natural transition to +regions beyond the stars, and to pass without hesitancy from the +companionship of us poor mortals into a Presence that is to me +supremely awful." + +"Thee doesn't understand, Richard. The little faith I have I take with +me to the kitchen, and I'm not afraid of my Father in heaven because he +is so great and I'm so little. Is Zillah afraid of her father?" + +"I suppose you are right, and I admit that I don't understand, and I +don't see how I could reason it out." + +"God's children," she replied, "as all children, come to believe many +blessed truths without the aid of reason. It was not reason that taught +me my mother's love, and yet, now that I have children, it seems very +reasonable. I think I learned most from what she said to me and did for +me. If ever children were assured of love by their Heavenly Father, we +have been; if it is possible for a human soul to be touched by loving, +unselfish devotion, let him read the story of Christ." + +"But, Mrs. Yocomb, I'm not one of the children." + +"Yes, thee is. The trouble with thee is that thee's ashamed, or at +least that thee won't acknowledge the relation, and be true to it." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I cried in dismay, "I must either renounce +heathenism or go away from your influence," and I left precipitately. + +But in truth I was too far gone in human idolatry to think long upon +her words; they lodged in my memory, however, and I trust will never +lose their influence. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE OLD MEETING-HOUSE AGAIN + + +Reuben and I, with Dapple, skimmed along the country roads, and my hope +and spirits kindled, though I scarcely knew why. We were early at the +meeting-house, and, to my joy, I gained my old seat, in which I had +woven my June day-dream around the fair unknown Quakeress whose face +was now that of a loved sister. What ages, seemingly, had elapsed since +that fateful day! What infinite advances in life's experiences I had +made since I last sat there! How near I had come to the experiences of +another life! The fact made me grave and thoughtful. And yet, if my +fear and not my hope were realized, what a burden was imposed upon me +with the life that disease had spared! Had I even Mrs. Yocomb's faith, +I knew it would be a weight under which I would often stagger and faint. + +Before very long the great family rockaway unloaded its precious +freight at the horse-block, and Adah and Miss Warren entered, followed +by the little girls. In secret wonder I saw Adah pause before the same +long, straight-backed bench or pew, and Miss Warren take the place +where I had first seen my "embodiment of June." Mrs. Yocomb went +quietly to her place on the high seat. + +"The spell continues to work, but with an important change," I thought. + +In a few moments Mr. Yocomb marshalled in Mr. Hearn, and placed him in +the end of the pew next to Miss Warren on the men's side, so that they +might have the satisfaction of sitting together, as if at church. He +then looked around for me; but I shook my head, and would not go up +higher. + +Soon all the simple, plainly apparelled folk who would attend that day +were in their places, and the old deep hush that I so well remembered +settled down upon us. The sweet low monotone of the summer wind was +playing still among the maples. I do believe that it was the same old +bumblebee that darted in, still unable to overcome its irate wonder at +a people who could be so quiet and serene. The sunlight flickered in +here and there, and shadowy leaves moved noiselessly up and down the +whitewashed wall. Only the occasional song of a bird was wanting to +reproduce the former hour, but at this later season the birds seem +content with calls and chirpings, and in the July heat they were almost +as silent as we were. + +But how weak and fanciful my June day-dream now seemed. Then woman's +influence on my life was but a romantic sentiment. I had then conjured +up a pretty vista full of serene, quiet domestic joys, which were to be +a solace merely of my real life of toil and ambition. I had thought +myself launched on a shining tide that would bear me smoothly to a +quiet home anchorage; but almost the first word that Emily Warren spoke +broke the spell of my complacent, indolent dream, and I awoke to the +presence of an earnest, large-souled woman, who was my peer, and in +many respects my superior; whom, so far from being a mere household +pet, could be counsellor and friend, and a daily inspiration. Instead +of shrinking from the world with which I must grapple, she already +looked out upon its tangled and cruel problems with clear, intelligent, +courageous eyes; single-handed she had coped with it and won from it a +place and respect. And yet, with all her strength and fearlessness, she +had kept her woman's heart gentle and tender. Oh, who could have better +proof of this than I, who had seen her face bending over the little +unconscious Zillah, and who had heard her low sob when she feared I +might be dying. + +The two maidens sat side by side, and I was not good enough to think of +anything better or purer than they. Adah, with her face composed to its +meeting-house quiet, but softened and made more beautiful by passing +shades of thought; still it seemed almost as young and childlike as +that of Zillah. Miss Warren's profile was less round and full, but it +was more finely chiselled, and was luminous with mind. The slightly +higher forehead, the more delicately arched eyebrow, the deeper setting +of her dark, changing eyes, that were placed wide apart beneath the +overhanging brow, the short, thin, tremulous upper lip, were all +indications of the quick, informing spirit which made her face like a +transparency through which her thoughts could often be guessed before +spoken; and since they were good, noble, genial thoughts, they enhanced +her beauty. And yet it had occurred to me more than once that if Miss +Warren were a depraved woman she could give to evil a deadly +fascination. + +"Are her thoughts wandering like mine?" I mused. With kindling hope I +saw her face grow sad, and I even imagined that her pallor increased. +For a long time she looked quietly and fixedly before her, as did Adah, +and then she stole a shy, hesitating glance at Mr. Hearn by her side; +but the banker seemingly had found the silent meeting a trifle dull, +for his eyes were heavy, and all life and animation had faded out of +his full white face. Was it my imagination, or did she slightly shrink +from him? In an almost instantaneous flash she turned a little more and +glanced at me, and I was caught in the act of almost breathless +scrutiny. A sudden red flamed in her cheeks, but not a Friend of them +all was more motionless than she at once became. + +My conscience smote me. Though I watched for her happiness as truly as +my own, the old meeting-house should have been a sanctuary even from +the eyes of love. I knew from the expression of her face that she had +not liked it; nor did I blame her. + +I was glad to have the silence of the meeting broken; for a venerable +man rose slowly from the high seat and reverently enunciated the words: + +"'The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. + +"'He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; He breaketh the +bow and cutteth the spear in sunder; He burneth the chariot in the fire. + +"'Be still, and know that I am God.' + +"The quiet, reverent bowing of the heart to His will is often the most +acceptable worship that we can offer," he began, and if he had stopped +there the effect would have been perfect; but he began to talk and to +ramble. With a sense of deep disappointment I dreaded lest the hour +should pass and that Mrs. Yocomb would not speak; but as the old +gentleman sat down, that rapt look was on her face that I remembered +seeing on the night of the storm. She rose, took off her deep Quaker +bonnet, and laid it quietly on the seat beside her; but one saw that +she was not thinking of it or of anything except the truth which filled +her mind. + +Clasping her hands before her she looked steadfastly toward heaven for +a few moments, and then, in a low, sweet, penetrating monotone, +repeated the words: + +"'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world +giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it +be afraid.'" + +She paused a moment, and I gazed in wonder at her serene, uplifted +face. She had spoken with such an utter absence of self-consciousness +or regard for externals as to give the strong impression that the words +had come again from heaven through her lips, and were endowed with a +new life and richer meaning; and now she seemed waiting for whatever +else might be given to her. + +Could that inspired woman, who now looked as if she might have stood +unabashed on the Mount of Transfiguration, be my genial, untiring +nurse, and the cheery matron of the farmhouse, whose deft hands had +made the sweet, light bread we had eaten this morning? I had long loved +her; but now, as I realized as never before the grand compass of her +womanly nature, I began to reverence her. A swift glance at Miss Warren +revealed that the text had awakened an interest so deep as to suggest a +great and present need, for the maiden was leaning slightly toward the +speaker and waiting with parted lips. + +"As I sat here," Mrs. Yocomb began, looking down upon us with a grave, +gentle aspect, "these words came to me as if spoken in my soul, and I +am constrained to repeat them unto you. I'm impressed with the truth +that peace is the chief need of the world--the chief need of every +human heart. Beyond success, beyond prosperity, beyond happiness, is +the need of peace--the deep, assured rest of the soul that is akin to +the eternal calmness of Him who spake these words. + +"The world at large is full of turmoil and trouble. The sounds of its +wretched disquietude reach me even in this quiet place and at this +quiet hour. I seem to hear the fierce uproar of battle; for while we +are turning our thoughts up to the God of peace, misguided men are +dealing death-blows to their fellow men. I hear cries of rage, I hear +the groans of the dying. But sadder than these bloody fields of open +strife are the dark places of cruelty. I hear the clank of the +prisoner's chain, and the crack of the slave-driver's whip. I see +desperate and despairing faces revealing tortured souls to whom the +light of each day brings more bitter wrongs, viler indignities, until +they are ready to curse God for the burden of life. Sadder still, I +hear the dark whisperings of those who would destroy the innocent and +cast down the simple. I hear the satanic laugh of such as are false to +sacred trusts and holy obligations, who ruthlessly as swine are rending +hearts that have given all the pearls they had. From that sacred place, +home, come to me hot words of strife, drunken, brutal blows, and the +wailing of helpless women and children. Saddest of all earthly sounds, +I hear the wild revelry of those who are not the victims of evil in +others, but who, while madly seeking happiness, are blotting out all +hope of happiness, and who are committing that crime of crimes, the +destruction of their own immortal souls. Did I say the last was the +saddest of earthly sounds? There comes to me another, at which my heart +sinks; it is the sound of proud arrogant voices, who are explaining +that faith is a delusion, that prayer is wasted breath, that the God of +the Bible is a dream of old-time mystics, and that Christ died in vain. +I hear the moan of Mary at the sepulchre repeated from thousands of +hearts, 'They have taken away my Lord.' O God, forgive those who would +blot out the dearest hope which has ever sustained humanity. Can there +be peace in a world wherein we can never escape these sad, terrible, +discordant sounds? The words that I have repeated were spoken in just +such a world when the din of evil was at its worst, and to those who +must soon suffer all the wrong that the world could inflict." + +After a brief pause of silent waiting she continued: + +"But is the turmoil of the world a far-away sound, like the sullen roar +of angry waves beating on a shore that rises high and enduring, +securing us safety and rest? Beyond the deep disquietude of the world +at large is the deeper unrest of the human heart. No life can be so +secluded and sheltered but that anxieties, doubts, fears, and +foreboding will come with all their disturbing power. Often sorrows +more bitter than death are hidden by smiling faces, and in our quiet +country homes there are men and women carrying burdens that are +crushing out hope and life: mothers breaking their hearts over wayward +sons and daughters; wives desperate because the men who wooed them as +blushing maidens have forgotten their vows, and have become swinish +sots; men disheartened because the sweet-faced girls that they thought +would give them a home have become vile slatterns, busybodies, +shrill-tongued shrews, who banish the very thought of peace and rest, +who waste their substance and eat out their hearts with care. Oh, the +clouds of earth are not those which sweep across the sun, but those +which rise out of unhappy hearts and evil lives. These are the clouds +that gather over too many in a leaden pall, and it seems as if no light +could ever break through them. There are hearts to whom life seems to +promise one long, hopeless struggle to endure an incurable pain. Can +there be peace for such unhappy ones? To just such human hearts were +the words spoken, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you.'" + +Then came one of those little pauses that were quite as impressive as +the preceding words. Although my interest was almost breathless, I +involuntarily looked toward one whom I now associated with every +thought. + +"O God!" I exclaimed mentally, "can that be the aspect of a maiden +happy in her love and hope?" Her face had become almost white, and +across the pallor of her cheeks tear followed tear, as from a full and +bitter fountain. + +"Never, in all this evil world," the speaker resumed, "was there such +cruel, bitter mockery as these words would be if they were not true--if +He who spake them had no right to speak them. And what right would He +have to speak them if He were merely a man among men--a part of the +world which never has and never can give peace to the troubled soul? +How do we know these words are true? How do we know He had a right to +speak them? Thank God! I know, because He has kept His word to me. +Thank God! Millions know, because He has proved His power to them. The +scourged, persecuted, crucified disciples found that He was with them +always, even unto the end. Oh, my friends, it is this living, loving, +spiritual Presence that uplifts and sustains the sinking heart when the +whole great world could only stand helplessly by. 'Not as the world +giveth, give I unto you.' Yes, thank thee, Lord, 'not as the world.' In +spite of the world and the worst it can do, in spite of our evil and +the worst it can do, in spite of our sorrows, our fears, our pains and +losses, our bitter disappointments, thou canst give peace; thou hast +given peace. No storm can harm the soul that rests on the Rock of Ages, +and by and by He will say to the storm, 'Peace, be still,' and the +light of heaven will come. Then there shall be no more night. 'God +shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more +death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; +for the former things are passed away.'" + +The light and gladness of that blessed future seemed to have come into +her sweet, womanly face. I looked out of the window to hide tears of +which I was fool enough to be ashamed. + +When she spoke again her voice was low and pitiful, and her face full +of the divinest sympathy. "Dear friends," she said, "it was not merely +peace that he promised, but his peace. 'My peace I give unto you.' +Remember, it was the man of sorrows who spoke; remember that he was +acquainted with grief; remember that years of toil and hardship were +behind him, and that Gethsemane and Calvary were before him; remember +that one would betray him, and that all would desert him. When he +spoke, the storm of the world's evil was breaking upon him more cruelly +and remorselessly than it ever has on any tempted soul. He suffered +more because more able to suffer. But beneath all was the sacred calm +of one who is right, and who means to do right to the end, cost what it +may. The peace that he promises is not immunity from pain or loss, or +the gratification of the heart's earthly desires. His natural and +earthly desires were not gratified; often ours cannot be. His peace +came from self-denial for the good of others, from the consciousness +that he was doing his Father's will, and from the assurance that good +would come out of the seeming evil. Suffer he must, because he was +human, and in a world of suffering; but he chose to suffer that we +might know that he understands us, and sympathizes with us when we +suffer. To each and to all he can say, I was tempted in all points like +unto thee. When we wander he goes out after us; when we fall he lifts +us up; when we faint he takes us in his arms and carries us on his +bosom. O great heart of love! thy patience never tires, never wearies. +Thou canst make good to us every earthly loss; thy touch can heal every +wound of the soul. Even though life be one long martyrdom, yet through +thy Presence it may be a blessed life, full of peace. + +"Because our Lord was a man of sorrows, was he in love with sorrows? or +does he love to see storms gathering around his people? No. It was not +with _his_ sorrows, but with _our_ sorrows, that he was afflicted. He +so loved the world that he could not be glad when we were sad. It is +said that there is no record that Jesus ever smiled; but those little +children whom he took in his arms and blessed know that he smiled. I +doubt whether he ever saw a flower but that, no matter how weary from +the hot day's long journey, he smiled back upon it. The flowers are but +his smiles, and the world is full of them. Still he is naturally and +very justly associated with sorrow; for when on earth he sought out +those in trouble, and the distressed and the suffering soon learned to +fly to him. What was the result? Were the shadows deepened? Was the +suffering prolonged? Let the sisters of Bethany answer you; let the +widow of Nain answer you. Let the great host of the lame, blind, +diseased, and leprous answer. Look into the gentle, serene eyes of Mary +Magdalene, once so desperate and clouded by evil, and then know whether +he brings sorrow or joy to the world. Just as the sun follows the night +that it may bring the day, so the Sun of Righteousness seeks out all +that is dark in our lives that he may shine it away. Gladness, then, +should be the rule of our lives. Nothing to him is so pleasing as +gladness, if it comes from the heart of pilgrims truly homeward bound; +but if sorrow comes, oh, turn not to the world, for the best thing in +it can give no peace, no rest. Simply do right, and leave the results +with him who said, even under the shadow of his cross, 'My peace I give +unto you.' Accept this message, dear friends, and 'Let not your hearts +be troubled, and neither let them be afraid.'" And she sat down quietly +and closed her eyes. + +There was here and there a low sob from the women, and the eyes of some +of the most rugged-featured men were moist. The hush that followed was +broken by deep and frequent sighs. Mr. Yocomb sat with his face lifted +heavenward, and I knew it was serene and thankful. The eyes of Reuben, +who was beside me, rested on his mother in simple, loving devotion. As +yet she was his religion. Adah was looking a little wonderingly but +sympathetically at Miss Warren, whose bowed head and fallen veil could +not hide her deep emotion. The banker, too, looked at her even more +wonderingly. At last the most venerable man on the high seat gave his +hand to another white-haired Friend beside him, and the congregation +began slowly and quietly to disperse. + +"Come, Reuben," I said, in a whisper, "let us get away, quick." + +He looked at me in surprise, but in a few moments the old meeting-house +was hidden behind us among the trees. Dapple's feet scarcely touched +the ground; but I sat silent, absorbed, and almost overwhelmed. + +"Didn't--didn't thee like what mother said?" Reuben asked, after a +while, a little hurt. + +I felt at once that he misunderstood my silence, and I put my arm +around his neck as I said, "Reuben, love and honor your mother the +longest day you live. She is one among a million. 'Liked!' It mattered +little whether I liked it or not; she made it seem God's own truth." + +"And to think, Richard, that if it hadn't been for thee--" + +"Hush, Reuben. To think rather that she waited on me for days and +nights together. Well, I could turn Catholic and worship one saint." + +"I'm glad she's only mother," said the boy, with a low laugh; "and, +Richard, she likes me to have a good time as much as I do myself. She +always made me mind, but she's been jolly good to me. Oh, I love her; +don't thee worry about that." + +"Well, whatever happens," I said, with a deep breath, "I thank God for +the day that brought me to her home." + +"So do I," said the boy; "so do we all; but confound Emily Warren's +grandfather! I don't take to him. He thinks we're wonderfully simple +folks, just about good enough to board him and that black-eyed witch of +his. I do kind of like her a little bit, she's so saucy-like sometimes. +One day she commenced ordering me around, and I stood and stared at the +little miss in a way that she won't forget." + +"She'll learn to coax by and by, and then you'll do anything for her, +Reuben." + +"P'raps," he said, with a half smile on his ruddy face. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +LOVE TEACHING ETHICS + + +On reaching the farmhouse I went directly to my room, and I wished that +I might stay there the rest of the day; but I was soon summoned to +dinner. In Miss Warren's eyes still lingered the evidences of her deep +feeling, but her expression was quiet, firm, and resolute. The effect +of the sermon upon her was just what I anticipated in case my hope had +any foundation--it had bound her by what seemed the strongest of +motives to be faithful to the man who she believed had the right to her +fealty. + +"Well," I thought bitterly, "life might have brought her a heavier +cross than marrying a handsome millionaire, even though considerably +her senior. I'm probably a conceited fool for thinking it any very +great burden at all. But how, then, can I account--? Well, well, time +alone can unravel this snarl. One thing is certain: she will do nothing +that she does not believe right; and after what Mrs. Yocomb said I +would not dare to wish her to do wrong." + +Mrs. Yocomb did not come down to dinner, and the meal was a quiet one. +Mr. Yocomb's eyes glistened with a serene, happy light, but he ate +sparingly, and spoke in subdued tones. He reminded me of the quaint old +scripture--"A man's wisdom maketh his face to shine." Whatever might be +said against his philosophy, it produced good cheer and peace. Adah, +too, was very quiet; but occasionally she glanced toward Miss Warren as +if perplexed and somewhat troubled. Mr. Hearn seemed wrought up into +quite a religious fervor. He was demonstratively tender and sympathetic +toward the girl at his side, and waited on her with the effusive manner +of one whose feelings must have some outlet. His appetite, however, did +not flag, and I thought he seemed to enjoy his emotions and his dinner +equally. + +"Mr. Morton," he said impressively, "you must have liked that sermon +exceedingly." + +"Indeed, sir," I replied briefly, "I have scarcely thought whether I +liked it or not." + +Both he and Miss Warren looked at me in surprise; indeed all did except +Reuben. + +"I beg your pardon, but I thought Mrs. Yocomb expressed herself +admirably," he said, with somewhat of the air of championship. + +"She certainly expressed herself clearly. The trouble with me is that +the sermon is just what Mrs. Yocomb would call it--a message--and one +scarcely knows how to dodge it. I never had such a spiritual blow +between the eyes before, and think I'm a little stunned yet." + +A smile lighted up Miss Warren's face. "Mrs. Yocomb would like your +tribute to her sermon, I think," she said. + +"What most bewilders me," I resumed, "is to think how Mrs. Yocomb has +been waiting on me and taking care of me. I now feel like the peasant +who was taken in and cared for by the royal family." + +"I think our friend Mr. Morton is in what may be termed 'a frame of +mind,'" said Mr. Hearn a little satirically. + +"Yes, sir, I am," I replied emphatically. "I believe that adequate +causes should have some effects. It does not follow, however, that my +frame of mind is satisfactory to any one, least of all to Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Your contact with the truth," said Mr. Hearn, laughing, "is somewhat +like many people's first experience of the ocean--you are much stirred +up, but have not yet reached the point of yielding to the mysterious +malady." + +I was disgusted, and was about to reply with a sarcastic compliment +upon the elegance of his illustration, when a look of pain upon Miss +Warren's face checked me, and I said nothing. Lack of delicacy was one +of Mr. Hearn's gravest faults. While courtly, polished, and refined in +externals, he lacked in tact and nicety of discrimination. He often +said things which a finer-fibred but much worse man would never have +said. He had an abundance of intellect, great shrewdness, vast will +force, and organizing power, but not much ideality or imagination. This +lack rendered him incapable of putting himself in the place of another, +and of appreciating their feelings, moods, and motives. The most +revolting thought to me of his union with Miss Warren was that he would +never appreciate her. He greatly admired and respected her, but his +spiritual eyes were too dim to note the exquisite bloom on her +character, or to detect the evanescent lights and shades of thought and +feeling of which to me her mobile face gave so many hints. He would +expect her to be like the July days now passing--warm, bright, +cloudless, and in keeping with his general prosperity. + +"They will disappoint each other inevitably," I thought, "and it's +strange that her clear eyes cannot see it when mine can. It is perhaps +the strongest evidence of her love for him, since love is blind. Still +she may love and yet be able to see his foibles and failings clearly; +thousands of women do this. But whether the silken cord of love or the +chain of supposed duty binds her to him now, I fear that Mrs. Yocomb's +sermon has made her his for all time." + +Her manner confirmed my surmise, for she apparently gave me little +thought, and was unobtrusively attentive and devoted to him. He had the +good taste to see that further personal remarks were not agreeable; and +since his last attempted witticism fell flat, did not attempt any more. +Our table-talk flagged, and we hastened through the meal. After it was +over he asked: + +"Emily, what shall we do this afternoon?" + +"Anything you wish," she replied quietly. + +"That's the way it will always be," I muttered as I went dejectedly to +my room. "Through all his life it has been 'anything you wish,' and now +it would seem as if religion itself had become his ally. There is +nothing to me so wonderful as some men's fortune. Earth and heaven seem +in league to forward their interests. But why was she so moved at the +meeting-house? Was it merely religious sensibility? It might have been +we were all moved deeply. Was it my imagination, or did she really +shrink from him, and then glance guiltily at me? Even if she had, it +might have been a momentary repulsion caused by his drowsy, heavy +aspect at the time, just as his remark at dinner gave her an unpleasant +twinge. These little back eddies are no proof that there is not a +strong central current. + +"Can it be that she was sorrowful in the meeting-house for my sake +only? I've had strong proof of her wonderful kindness of heart. Well, +God bless her anyway. I'll wait and watch till I know the truth. I +suppose I'm the worst heathen Mrs. Yocomb ever preached to, but I'm +going to secure Emily Warren's happiness at any cost. If she truly +loves this man, I'll go away and fight it out so sturdily that she need +not worry. That's what her sermon means for me. I'm not going to pump +up any religious sentiment. I don't feel any. It's like walking into a +bare room to have a turn with a thumb-screw; but Mrs. Yocomb has hedged +me up to just this course. Oh, the gentle, inexorable woman! Satan +himself might well tremble before her. There is but one that I fear +more, and that's the woman I love most. Gentle, tender-hearted as she +is, she is more inexorable than Mrs. Yocomb. It's a little strange, but +I doubt whether there is anything in the universe that so inspires a +man with awe as a thoroughly good, large-minded woman." + +I could not sleep that afternoon, and at last I became so weary of the +conflict between my hope and fear that I was glad to hear Miss Warren +at the piano, playing softly some old English hymns. The day was +growing cool and shadowy, but I hoped that before it passed I might get +a chance to say something to her which would give a different aspect to +the concluding words of Mrs. Yocomb's sermon. I had determined no +longer to avoid her society, but rather to seek it, whenever I could in +the presence of others, and especially of her affianced. They had +returned from a long afternoon in the arbor, which I knew must occasion +Miss Warren some unpleasant thoughts, and the banker was sitting on the +piazza chatting with Adah. + +I strolled into the parlor with as easy and natural a manner as I could +assume, and taking my old seat by the window, said quietly: "Please go +on playing, Miss Warren." + +She turned on me one of her swift looks, which always gave me the +impression that she saw all that was in my mind. Her color rose a +little, but she continued playing for a time. Then with her right hand +evoking low, sweet chords, she asked, with a conciliatory smile: + +"Have you been thinking over Mrs. Yocomb's words this afternoon?" + +"Not all the time--no. Have you?" + +"How could I all the time?" + +"Oh, I think you can do anything under heaven you make up your mind to +do," I said, with a slight laugh. The look she gave now was a little +apprehensive, and I added hastily: "I've had one thought that I don't +mind telling you, for I think it may be a pleasant one, though it must +recall that which is painful. The thought occurred to me when Mrs. +Yocomb was speaking, and since, that your brother had perfect peace as +he stood in that line of battle." + +She turned eagerly toward me, and tears rushed into her eyes. + +"You may be right," she said, in a low, tremulous tone. + +"Well, I feel sure I'm right. I know it, if he was anything like you." + +"Oh, then I doubt it. I'm not at all brave as he was. You ought to know +that." + +"You have the courage that a veteran general most values in a soldier. +You might be half dead from terror, but you wouldn't run away. +Besides," I added, smiling, "you would not be afraid of shot and shell, +only the noise of a battle. In this respect your brother, no doubt, +differed from you. In the grand consciousness of right, and in his +faithful performance of duty, I believe his face was as serene as the +aspect of Mr. Yocomb when he looked at the coming storm. As far as +peace is concerned, his heaven began on earth. I envy him." + +"Mr. Morton, I thank you for these words about my brother," she said +very gently, and with a little pathetic quaver in her voice. "They have +given me a comforting association with that awful day. Oh, I thank God +for the thought. Remembering what Mrs. Yocomb said, it reconciles me to +it all, as I never thought I could be reconciled. If Herbert believed +that it was his duty to be there, it was best he should be there. How +strange it is that you should think of this first, and not I!" + +"Will you pardon me if I take exception to one thing you say? I do not +think it follows that he ought to have been there simply because he +felt it right to be there." + +"Why, Mr. Morton! ought one not to do right at any and every cost? That +seemed to me the very pith of Mrs. Yocomb's teaching, and I think she +made it clear that it's always best to do right." + +"I think so too, most emphatically; but what is right, Miss Warren?" + +"That's too large a question for me to answer in the abstract; but is +not the verdict of conscience right for each one of us?" + +"I can't think so," I replied, with a shrug. "About every grotesque, +horrible act ever committed in this world has been sanctioned by +conscience. Delicate women have worn hair-cloth and walked barefooted +on cold pavements in midnight penance. The devil is scarcely more cruel +than the Church, for ages, taught that God was. It's true that Christ's +life was one of self-sacrifice; but was there any useless, mistaken +self-sacrifice in it? If God is anything like Mrs. Yocomb, nothing +could be more repugnant to him than blunders of this kind." + +She looked at me with a startled face, and I saw that my words had +unsettled her mind. + +"If conscience cannot guide, what can?" she faltered. "Is not +conscience God's voice within us?" + +"No. Conscience may become God's worst enemy--that is, any God that I +could worship or even respect." + +"Mr. Morton, you frighten me. How can I do right unless I follow my +conscience?" + +"Yes," I said sadly, "you would, in the good old times, have followed +it over stony pavements, in midnight penance, or now into any thorny +path which it pointed out; and I believe that many such paths lead away +from the God of whom Mrs. Yocomb spoke to-day. Miss Warren, I'm a man +of the world, and probably you think my views on these subjects are not +worth much. It's strange that your own nature does not suggest to you +the only sure guide. It seems to me that conscience should always go to +truth for instructions. The men who killed your brother thought they +were right as truly as he did; but history will prove that they were +wrong, as so many sincere people have been in every age. He did not +suffer and die uselessly, for the truth was beneath his feet and in his +heart." + +"Dear, brave, noble Herbert!" she sighed. "Oh, that God had spared him +to me!" + +"I wish he had," I said, with quiet emphasis. "I wish he was with you +here and now." + +Again she gave me a questioning, troubled look through her tears. + +"Then you believe truth to be absolutely binding?" she asked, in a low +voice. + +"Yes. In science, religion, ethics, or human action, nothing can +last--nothing can end well that is not built squarely on truth." + +She became very pale; but she turned quietly to her piano as she said: + +"You are right, Mr. Morton; there can be no peace--not even +self-respect--without truth. My nature would be pitiful indeed did it +not teach me that." + +She had interpreted my words in a way that intensified the influence of +Mrs. Yocomb's sermon. To be false to the trust that she had led her +affianced to repose in her still seemed the depth of degradation. I +feared that she would take this view at first, but believed, if my hope +had any foundation, she would think my words over so often that she +would discover a different meaning. + +And my hope was strengthened. If she loved Mr. Hearn, why did she turn, +pale and quiet, to her piano, which had always appeared a refuge to +her, when I had seemingly spoken words that not only sanctioned but +made the course which harmonized with her love imperative? Even the +possibility that in the long days and nights of my delirium I had +unconsciously wooed and won her heart, so thrilled and overcame me that +I dared not trust myself longer in her presence, and I went out on the +piazza--a course eminently satisfactory to Mr. Hearn, no doubt. I think +he regarded our interview as becoming somewhat extended. He had glanced +at me from time to time, but my manner had been too quiet to disturb +him, and he could not see Miss Warren's face. The words he overheard +suggested a theological discussion rather than anything of a personal +nature. It had been very reassuring to see Miss Warren turn from me as +if my words had ceased to interest her, and my coming out to talk with +Adah confirmed the impression made by my manner all along, that we were +not very congenial spirits. It also occurred to me that he did not find +chatting with Adah a very heavy cross, for never had she looked +prettier than on that summer evening. But now that Miss Warren was +alone he went in and sat down by her, saying so loudly that I could not +help hearing him, as I stood by the window: + +"I think you must have worsted Mr. Morton in your theological +discussion, for he came out looking as if he had a great deal to think +about that was not exactly to his taste; but Miss Adah will--" and then +his companion began playing something that drowned his voice. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +"DON'T THINK OF ME" + + +Mrs. Yocomb appeared at supper, serene and cheerful; but she was paler +than usual, and she still looked like one who had but just descended +from a lofty spiritual height. No reference whatever was made to the +morning. Mrs. Yocomb no longer spoke on religious themes directly, but +she seemed to me the Gospel embodied, as with natural kindly grace she +presided at her home table. Her husband beamed on her, and looked as if +his cup was overflowing. Reuben's frank, boyish eyes often turned +toward her in their simple devotion, while Zillah, who sat next to her, +had many a whispered confidence to give. Adah's accent was gentle and +her manner thoughtful. Miss Warren looked at her from time to time with +a strange wistfulness--looked as if the matron possessed a serenity and +peace that she coveted. + +"Emily," said Mr. Yocomb, "thee doesn't think music's wicked, does +thee?" + +"No, sir, nor do you either." + +"What does thee think of that, mother?" + +"I think Emily converted thee over to her side before she had been here +two days." + +"Thee's winked very hard at my apostasy, mother. I'm inclined to think +thee was converted too, on the third or fourth day, if thee'd own up." + +"No," said Mrs. Yocomb, with a smile at her favorite, "Emily won my +heart on the first day, and I accepted piano and all." + +"Why, Mrs. Yocomb!" I exclaimed--for I could not forego the chance to +vindicate myself--"I never considered you a precipitate, ill-balanced +person." + +Miss Warren's cheeks were scarlet, and I saw that she understood me +well. I think Mrs. Yocomb guessed my meaning, too, for her smile was a +little peculiar as she remarked demurely, "Women are different from +men: they know almost immediately whether they like a person or not. I +liked thee in half a day." + +"You like sinners on principle, Mrs. Yocomb. I think it was my general +depravity and heathenism that won your regard." + +"No, as a woman I liked thee. Thee isn't as bad as thee seems." + +"Mr. Yocomb, I hope you don't object to this, for I must assure you +most emphatically that I don't." + +"Mother's welcome to love thee all she pleases," said the old +gentleman, laughing. "Indeed, I think I egg her on to it." + +"Good friends," said Miss Warren, with her old mirthful look, "you'll +turn Mr. Morton's head; you should be more considerate." + +"I am indeed bewildered. Miss Warren's keen eyes have detected my weak +point." + +"A man with so stout a heart," Mr. Hearn began, "could well afford--" +and then he hesitated. + +"To be weak-headed," I said, finishing his sentence. "I fear you are +mistaken, sir. I can't afford it at all." + +"Thee was clear-headed enough to get around mother in half an hour," +said the old gentleman again, laughing heartily. "It took me several +months." + +"Thee was a little blind, father. I wasn't going to let thee see how +much I thought of thee till I had kept thee waiting a proper time." + +"That's rich!" I cried, and I laughed as I had not since my illness. +"How long is a proper time, Mrs. Yocomb? I remember being once told +that a woman was a mystery that a man could never solve. I fear it's +true." + +"Who told you that?" asked Mr. Hearn; for I think he noticed my swift +glance at Miss Warren, who looked a little conscious. + +"As I think of it, I may have read it in a newspaper," I said demurely. + +"I'm not flattered by your poor memory, Mr. Morton," remarked Miss +Warren quietly. "I told you that myself when you were so mystified by +my fearlessness of Dapple and my fear of the cow." + +"I've learned that my memory is sadly treacherous, Miss Warren." + +"A man who is treacherous only in memory may well be taken as a model," +remarked Mr. Hearn benignly. + +"Would you say that of one who forgot to pay you his debts?" + +"What do you owe me, Mr. Morton?" + +"I'm sure I don't know. Good-will, I suppose Mrs. Yocomb would suggest." + +"Well, sir, I feel that I owe you a great deal; perhaps more than I +realize, as I recall your promptness on that memorable night of the +storm." + +"I was prompt--I'll admit that," I said grimly, looking at the ceiling. + +"Mr. Yocomb, how long would it have taken the house to burn up if the +fire had not been extinguished?" Mr. Hearn asked. + +"The interior," replied Mr. Yocomb very gravely, "would all have been +in flames in a very few moments, for it's old and dry." + +"Ugh!" exclaimed Adah, shudderingly. "Richard--" + +I put my finger on my lips. "Miss Adah," I interrupted, "I'd rather be +struck by lightning than hear any more about that night." + +"Yes," said Miss Warren desperately, "I wish I could forget that night +forever." + +"I never wish to forget the expression on your face, Miss Warren, when +we knew Zillah was alive. If that didn't please God, nothing in this +world ever did." + +"Oh, hush!" she cried. + +"Emily, I think you cannot have told me all that happened." + +"I can't think of it any more," she said; and her face was full of +trouble. "I certainly don't know, and have never thought how I looked." + +"Mr. Morton seems to have been cool enough to have been very +observant," said the banker keenly. + +"I was wet enough to be cool, sir. Miss Warren said I was not fit to be +seen, and the doctor bundled me out of the room, fearing I would +frighten Zillah into hysterics. Hey, Zillah! what do you think of that?" + +"I think the doctor was silly. I wouldn't be afraid of thee any more +than of Emily." + +"Please let us talk and think of something else," Miss Warren pleaded. + +"I don't want to forget what I owe to Richard," said Reuben a little +indignantly. I trod on his foot under the table. "Thee needn't try to +stop me, Richard Morton," continued the boy passionately. "I couldn't +have got mother out alone, and I'd never left her. Where would we be, +Emily Warren, if it hadn't been for Richard?" + +"In heaven," I said, laughing, for I was determined to prevent a scene. + +"Well, I hope so," Reuben muttered; "but I don't mind being in mother's +dining-room." + +Even Mrs. Yocomb's gravity gave way at this speech. + +As we rose from the table, Zillah asked innocently: + +"Emily, is thee crying or laughing?" + +"I hardly know myself," she faltered, and went hastily to her room; but +she soon came down again, looking very resolute. + +"Emily," said Mr. Yocomb, "since thee and mother doesn't think music's +wicked, I have a wonderful desire to hear thee sing again, 'Tell me the +Old, Old Story,' as thee did on the night of the storm." + +In spite of her brave eyes and braver will, her lip trembled. + +I was cruel enough to add, "And I would be glad to listen to the +Twelfth Nocturne once more." + +For some reason she gave me a swift glance full of reproach. + +"I will listen to anything," I said quickly. + +Mr. Hearn looked a little like a man who feared that there might be +subterranean fires beneath his feet. + +"I will not promise more than to be chorister to-night," she said, +sitting down to the piano with her back toward us. "Let us have +familiar hymns that all can sing. Miss Adah has a sweet voice, and Mr. +Morton, no doubt, is hiding his talent in a napkin. There's a book for +you, sir. I'm sorry it doesn't contain the music." + +"It doesn't matter," I said; "I'm equally familiar with Choctaw." + +"Adela and Zillah, you come and stand by me. Your little voices are +like the birds'." + +We all gathered in the old parlor, and spent an hour that I shall never +forget. I had a tolerable tenor, and an ear made fairly correct by +hearing much music. Mr. Hearn did not sing, but he seemingly entered +into the spirit of the occasion. Before very long Miss Warren and I +were singing some things together. Mr. Hearn no doubt compared our +efforts unfavorably with what he had heard in the city, but the simple +people of the farmhouse were much pleased, and repeatedly asked us to +continue. As I was leaning over Miss Warren's shoulder, finding a place +in the hymn-book on the stand, she breathed softly: + +"Have you told them you are going to-morrow?" + +"No," I replied. + +"Can you leave such friends?" + +"Yes." + +"You ought not. It would hurt them cruelly;" and she made some runs on +the piano to hide her words. + +"If _you_ say I ought not to go, I'll stay--Ah, this is the one I was +looking for," I said, in a matter-of-fact tone; but she played the +music with some strange slips and errors; her hands were nervous and +trembling, and never was the frightened look that I had seen before +more distinctly visible. + +After we had sung a stanza or two she rose and said, "I think I'm +getting a little tired, and the room seems warm. Wouldn't you like to +take a walk?" she asked Mr. Hearn, coming over to his side. + +He arose with alacrity, and they passed out together. I did not see her +again that night. + +The next morning, finding me alone for a moment, she approached, +hesitatingly, and said: + +"I don't think I ought to judge for you." + +"Do you wish me to go?" I asked, sadly, interpreting her thought. + +She became very pale, and turned away as she replied, "Perhaps you had +better. I think you would rather go." + +"No, I'd rather stay; but I'll do as you wish." + +She did not reply, and went quickly to her piano. + +I turned and entered the dining-room where Mrs. Yocomb and Adah were +clearing away the breakfast. Mr. Yocomb was writing in his little +office adjoining. + +"I think it is time I said good-by and went back to New York." + +In the outcry that followed, Miss Warren's piano became silent. + +"Richard Morton!" Mrs. Yocomb began almost indignantly, "if thee hasn't +any regard for thyself, thee should have some for thy friends. Thee +isn't fit to leave home, and this is thy home now. Thee doesn't call +thy hot rooms in New York home, so I don't see as thee has got any +other. Just so sure as thee goes back to New York now, thee'll be sick +again. I won't hear to it. Thee's just beginning to improve a little." + +Adah looked at me through reproachful tears, but she did not say +anything. Mr. Yocomb dropped his pen and came out, looking quite +excited: + +"I'll send for Doctor Bates and have him lay his commands on thee," he +said. "I won't take thee to the depot, and thee isn't able to walk half +way there. Here, Emily, come and talk reason to this crazy man. He says +he's going back to New York. He ought to be put in a strait-jacket. +Doesn't thee think so?" + +Her laugh was anything but simple and natural. + +As she said "I do indeed," Mr. Hearn had joined her. + +"What would thee do in such an extreme case of mental disorder?" + +"Treat him as they did in the good old times: get a chain and lock him +up on bread and water." + +"Would thee then enjoy thy dinner?" + +"That wouldn't matter if he were cured." + +"I think Mr. Morton would prefer hot New York to the remedies that +Emily prescribes," said Mr. Hearn, with his smiling face full of +vigilance. + +"Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, putting both her hands on my arm, "I +should feel more hurt than I can tell thee if thee leaves us now." + +"Why, Mrs. Yocomb! I didn't think you would care so much." + +"Then thee's very blind, Richard. I didn't think thee'd say that." + +"You cut deep now; suppose I must go?" + +"Why must thee go, just as thee is beginning to gain? Thee is as pale +as a ghost this minute, and thee doesn't weigh much more than half as +much as I do. Still, we don't want to put an unwelcome constraint on +thee." + +I took her hand in both of mine as I said earnestly, "God forbid that I +should ever escape from any constraint that you put upon me. Well, I +won't go to-day, and I'll see what word my mail brings me." And I went +up to my room, not trusting myself to glance at the real controller of +my action, but hoping that something would occur which would make my +course clear. As I came out of my room to go down to dinner, Miss +Warren intercepted me, saying eagerly: + +"Mr. Morton, don't go. If you should be ill again in New York, as Mrs. +Yocomb says--" + +"I won't be ill again." + +"Please don't go," she entreated. "I--I shouldn't have said what I did. +You _would_ be ill; Mrs. Yocomb would never forgive me." + +"Miss Warren, I will do what you wish." + +"I wish what is best for you--only that." + +"I fear I cloud your happiness. You are too kind-hearted." + +She smiled a little bitterly. "Please stay--don't think of me." + +"Again, I repeat, you are too kind-hearted. Never imagine that I can be +happy if you are not;" and I looked at her keenly, but she turned away +instantly, saying: + +"Well, then, I'll be very happy, and will test you," and she returned +to her room. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I said quietly at the dinner-table, "I've written to the +office saying that my friends do not think I'm well enough to return +yet, and asking to have my leave extended." + +She beamed upon me as she replied: + +"Now thee's sensible." + +"For once," I added. + +"I expect to see thee clothed and in thy right mind yet," she said, +with a little reassuring nod. + +"Your hopeful disposition is contagious," I replied, laughing. + +"I'd like to see thee get to the depot till we're ready to let thee +go," said Reuben, emphatically. + +"Yes," added Mr. Yocomb, with his genuine laugh, "Reuben and I are in +league against thee." + +"You look like two dark, muttering conspirators," I responded. + +"And to think thee was going away without asking me!" Zillah put in, +shaking her bright curls at me. + +"Well, you all have made this home to me, true enough. The best part of +me will be left here when I do go." + +At these words Adah gave me a shy, blushing smile. + +"Mr. Morton, will you please pass me the vinegar?" said Miss Warren, in +the most matter-of-fact tone. + +"Wouldn't you prefer the sugar?" I asked. + +"No; I much prefer the vinegar." + +Mr. Hearn also smiled approvingly. + +"Don't be too sure of your prey," I said, mentally. "If she's not yours +at heart--which I doubt more than ever--you shall never have her." But +she puzzled me for a day or two. If she were not happy she simulated +happiness, and made my poor acting a flimsy pretence in contrast. She +and the banker took long rides together, and she was always exceedingly +cheerful on her return--a little too much so, I tried to think. She +ignored the past as completely as possible, and while her manner was +kind to me she had regained her old-time delicate brusqueness, and +rarely lost a chance to give me a friendly fillip. Indeed I had never +known her to be so brilliant, and her spirits seemed unflagging. Mr. +Yocomb was delighted and in his large appetite for fun applauded and +joined in every phase of our home gayety. There was too much hilarity +for me, and my hope failed steadily. + +"Now that her conscience is clear in regard to me--now that I have +remained in the country, and am getting well--her spirits have come up +with a bound," I reasoned moodily. I began to resume my old tactics of +keeping out of the way and of taking long rambles; but I tried to be +cheerfulness itself in her presence. + +On Wednesday Miss Warren came down to breakfast in a breezy, airy way, +and, scarcely speaking to me as I stood in the doorway, she flitted +out, and was soon romping with Zillah and Adela. As she returned, +flushed and panting, I said, with a smile: + +"You are indeed happy. I congratulate you. I believe I've never had the +honor of doing that yet." + +"But you said that you would be happy also?" + +"Am I not?" + +"No." + +"Well, it doesn't matter since you are." + +"Oh, then, I'm no longer kind-hearted. You take Reuben's view, that I'm +a heartless monster. He scarcely speaks to me any more. You think I +propose to be happy now under all circumstances." + +"I wish you would be; I hope you may be. What's the use of my acting my +poor little farce any longer? I don't deceive you a mite. But I'm not +going to mope and pine, Miss Warren. Don't think of me so poorly as +that. I'm not the first man who has had to face this thing. I'm going +back to work, and I am going next Monday, surely." + +"I've no doubt of it," she said, with sudden bitterness, "and you'll +get over it bravely, very bravely;" and she started off toward the +barn, where Reuben was exercising Dapple, holding him with a long rope. +The horse seemed wild with life and spirit, and did I not know that the +beautiful creature had not a vicious trait I should have feared for the +boy. Just at this moment, Dapple in his play slipped off his headstall +and was soon careering around the dooryard in the mad glee of freedom. +In vain Reuben tried to catch him; for the capricious beast would allow +him to come almost within grasp, and then would bound away. Miss Warren +stood under a tree laughing till the boy was hot and angry. Then she +cried: + +"I'll catch him for you, Reuben." + +I uttered a loud shout of alarm as she darted out before the galloping +horse and threw up her arms. + +Dapple stopped instantly; in another second she had her arm around his +arched neck and was stroking his quivering nostrils. Her poise was full +of grace and power; her eyes were shining with excitement and triumph, +and, to make her mastery seem more complete, she leaned her face +against his nose. + +Dapple looked down at her in a sort of mild wonder, and was as meek as +a lamb. + +"There, Reuben, come and take him," she said to the boy, who stared at +her with his mouth open. + +"Emily Warren, I don't know what to make of thee," he exclaimed. + +Never before had I so felt my unutterable loss, and I said to her +almost savagely, in a low tone, as she approached: + +"Is that the means you take to cure me--doing the bravest thing I ever +saw a woman do, and looking like a goddess? I was an unspeakable fool +for staying." + +Her head drooped, and she walked dejectedly toward the house, not +seeming to think of or care for the exclamations and expostulations +which greeted her. + +"Why, Emily, were you mad?" cried Mr. Hearn above the rest; and now +that the careering horse was being led away he hastened down to meet +her. + +"No, I'm tired, and want a cup of coffee," I heard her say, and then I +followed Reuben to the barn. + +"She's cut me out with Dapple," said the boy, with a crestfallen air. + +Already I repented of my harshness, into which I had been led by the +sharpest stress of feeling, and was eager to make amends. Since the +night of the storm honest Reuben had given me his unwavering loyalty. +Still less than Adah was he inclined or able to look beneath the +surface of things, and he had gained the impression from Miss Warren's +words that she was inclined to make light of their danger on that +occasion, and to laugh at me generally. In his sturdy championship in +my behalf he had been growing cold and brusque toward one whom he now +associated with the wealthy middle-aged banker, and city style +generally. Reuben was a genuine country lad, and was instinctively +hostile to Fifth Avenue. While Mr. Hearn was polite to his father and +mother, he quite naturally laid more stress on their business relations +than on those of friendship, and was not slow in asking for what he +wanted, and his luxurious tastes led him to require a good deal. Reuben +had seen his mother worried and his father inconvenienced not a little. +They made no complaint, and had no cause for any, for the banker paid +his way liberally. But the boy had not reached the age when the +financial phase of the question was appreciated, and his prejudice was +not unnatural, for unconsciously, especially at first, Mr. Hearn had +treated them all as inferiors. He now was learning to know them better, +however. There was nothing plebeian in Adah's beauty, and he would have +been untrue to himself had he not admired her very greatly. + +It was my wish to lead the boy to overcome his prejudice against Miss +Warren, so I said: + +"You are mistaken, Reuben; Dapple is just as fond of you as ever. It +was only playfulness that made him cut up so; but, Reuben, Dapple is a +very sensible horse, and when he saw a girl that was brave enough to +stand right out before him when it seemed that he must run over her, he +respected and liked such a girl at once. It was the bravest thing I +ever saw. Any other horse would have trampled on her, but Dapple has +the nature of a gentleman. So have you, Reuben, and I know you will go +and speak handsomely to her. I know you will speak to her as Dapple +would could he speak. By Jove! it was splendid, and you are man enough +to know it was." + +"Yes, Richard, it was. I know that as well as thee. There isn't a girl +in the county that would have dared to do it, and very few men. And to +think she's a city girl! To tell the truth, Emily Warren is all the +time making game of thee, and that's why I'm mad at her." + +"I don't think you understand her. I don't mind it, because she never +means anything ill-natured; and then she loves your mother almost as +much as you do. I give you my word, Reuben, Miss Warren and I are the +best of friends, and you need not feel as you do, because I don't." + +"Oh, well, if thee puts it that way, I'll treat her different. I tell +thee what it is, Richard, I'm one that sticks to my friends through +thick and thin." + +"Well, you can't do anything so friendly to me as to make everything +pleasant for Miss Warren. How is her favorite, Old Plod?" I asked, +following him into the barn. + +"Old Plod be hanged! She hasn't been near him in two weeks." + +"What!" I exclaimed exultantly. + +"What's the matter with thee, Richard? Thee and Emily are both queer. I +can't make you out." + +"Well, Reuben, we mean well; you mustn't expect too much of people." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +RICHARD + + +I came in to breakfast with Reuben, feeling that Dapple had been more +of a gentleman than I had, for he had treated the maiden with +gentleness and courtesy, while I had thought first of myself. She +looked up at me as I entered so humbly and deprecatingly that I wished +that I had bitten my tongue out rather than have spoken so harshly. + +Straightforward Reuben went to the girl, and, holding out his hand, +said: + +"Emily, I want to ask thy forgiveness. I've been like a bear toward +thee. Thee's the bravest girl I ever saw. No country girl would have +dared to do what thee did. I didn't need to have Richard lecture me and +tell me that; but I thought thee was kind of down on Richard, and I've +a way of standing by my friends." + +With a face like a peony she turned and took both of the boy's hands as +she said warmly: + +"Thank you, Reuben. I'd take a much greater risk to win your +friendship, and if you'll give it to me I'll be very proud of it. You +are going to make a genuine man." + +"Yes, Reuben, thee'll make a man," said his mother, with a low laugh. +"Thee is as blind as a man already." + +I looked at her instantly, but she dropped her eyes demurely to her +plate. I saw that Mr. Hearn was watching me, and so did not look at +Miss Warren. + +"Well," said he irritably, "I don't like such escapades; and Emily, if +anything of the kind happens again, I'll have to take you to a safer +place." + +His face was flushed, but hers was very pale. + +"It won't happen again," she said quietly, without looking up. + +"Richard," said Mr. Yocomb, as if glad to change the subject, "I've got +to drive across the country on some business. I will have to be gone +all day. Would thee like to go with me?" + +"Certainly. I'll go with you to the ends of the earth." + +"That would be too far away from mother. Thee always pulls me back very +soon, doesn't thee?" + +"Well, I know thee comes," replied his wife. "Don't tire Richard out; +he isn't strong yet." + +"Richard," said Mr. Yocomb, as we were driving up a long hill, "I want +to congratulate thee on thy course toward Emily Warren. Thee's a +strong-minded, sensible man. I saw that thee was greatly taken with her +at first, and no wonder. Besides, I couldn't help hearing what thee +said when out of thy mind. Mother and I kept the children away then, +and Doctor Bates had the wink from me to be discreet; but thee's been a +sensible man since thee got up, and put the whole thing away from thee +very bravely." + +"Mr. Yocomb, I won't play the hypocrite with you. I love her better +than my own soul." + +"Thee does?" he said, in strong surprise. + +"Yes, and I ought to have gone away long ago, I fear. How could I see +her as she appeared this morning, and not almost worship her?" + +The old gentleman gave a long, low whistle. "I guess mother meant me +when she said men were blind." + +I was silent, not daring, of course, to say that I hoped she meant me, +but what I had heard and seen that morning had done much to confirm my +hope. + +"Well," said the old gentleman, "I can scarcely blame thee, since she +is what she is, and I can't help saying, too, that I think thee would +make her happier than that man can, with all his money. I don't think +he appreciates her. She will be only a part of his great possessions." + +"Well, Mr. Yocomb, I've but these requests to make. Keep this to +yourself, and don't interpose any obstacles to my going next Monday. +Don't worry about me. I'll keep up; and a man who will have to work as +I must won't have time to mope. I won't play the weak fool, for I'd +rather have your respect and Mrs. Yocomb's than all Mr. Hearn's +millions; and Miss Warren's respect is absolutely essential to me." + +"Then thee thinks that mother and--and Emily know?" + +"Who can hide anything from such women! They look through us as if we +were glass." + +"Mother's sermon meant more for thee than I thought." + +"Yes, I felt as if it were preached for me. I hope I may be the better +for it some day; but I've too big a fight on my hands now to do much +else. You will now understand why I wish to get away so soon, and why I +can't come back till I've gained a strength that is not bodily. I +wouldn't like you to misunderstand me, after your marvellous kindness, +and so I'm frank. Besides, you're the kind of man that would thaw an +icicle. Your nature is large and gentle, and I don't mind letting you +know." + +"Richard, we're getting very frank, and I'm going to be more so. I +don't like the way Mr. Hearn sits and looks at Adah." + +"Oh, you needn't worry about him. Mr. Hearn is respectability itself; +but he's wonderfully fond of good things and pretty things. His great +house on Fifth Avenue is full of them, and he looks at Miss Adah as he +would at a fine oil painting." + +"Thee speaks charitably of him under the circumstances." + +"I ought to try to do him justice, since I hate him so cordially." + +"Well," said the old gentleman, laughing, "that's a new way of putting +it. Thee's honest, Richard." + +"If I wasn't I'd have no business in your society." + +"I'm worried about Emily," broke out my companion. "She was a little +thin and worn from her long season of work when she came to us lately; +but the first week she picked up daily. While thee was so sick she +seemed more worried than any one, and I had much ado to get her to eat +enough to keep a bird alive; but it's been worse for the last two +weeks. She has seemed much brighter lately for some reason, but the +flesh just seems to drop off of her. She takes a wonderful hold of my +feelings, and I can't help troubling about her." + +"Mr. Yocomb, your words torture me," I cried. "It is not my imagination +then. Can she love that man?" + +"Well, she has a queer way of showing it; but it is one of those things +that an outsider can't meddle with." + +I was moody and silent the rest of the day, and Mr. Yocomb had the tact +to leave me much to myself; but I was not under the necessity of acting +my poor farce before him. + +The evening was quite well advanced when we reached the farmhouse; but +Mrs. Yocomb had a royal supper for us, and she said every one had +insisted on waiting till we returned. Mr. Hearn had quite recovered his +complacency, and I gathered from this fact that Miss Warren had been +very devoted. Such was his usual aspect when everything was pleasing to +him. But she who had added so much to his life had seemingly drained +her own, for she looked so pale and thin that my heart ached. There +were dark lines under her eyes, and she appeared exceedingly wearied, +as if the day had been one long effort. + +"She can't love him," I thought. "It's impossible. Confound him! he's +the blindest man of us all. Oh that I had her insight, that I might +unravel this snarl at once, for it would kill me to see her looking +like that much longer. What's the use of my going away? I've been away +all day; she has had the light of his smiling countenance +uninterruptedly, and see how worn she is. Can it be that my hateful +words hurt her, and that she is grieving about me only? It's +impossible. Unselfish regard for another could not go so far if her own +heart was at rest. She is doing her best to laugh and talk and to seem +cheerful, but her acting now is poorer than mine ever was. She is tired +out; she seems like a soldier who is fighting mechanically after +spirit, courage, and strength are gone." + +Mr. Hearn informed Mr. Yocomb that important business would require his +presence in New York for a few days. "It's an enterprise that involves +immense interests on both sides of the ocean, and there's to be quite a +gathering of capitalists. Your paper will be full of it before very +long, Mr. Morton." + +"I'm always glad to hear of any grist for our mill," I said. "Mrs. +Yocomb, please excuse me. I'm selfish enough to prefer the cool piazza." + +"But thee hasn't eaten anything." + +"Oh, yes, I have, and I made a huge dinner," I replied carelessly, and +sauntered out and lighted a cigar. Instead of coming out on the piazza, +as I hoped, Miss Warren bade Mr. Hearn good-night in the hall, and, +pleading fatigue, went to her room. + +She was down to see him off in the morning, and at his request +accompanied him to the depot. I was reading on the piazza when she +returned, and I hastened to assist her from the rockaway. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed, in deep solicitude, "this long, hot ride +has been too much for you." + +"Perhaps it has," she replied briefly, without meeting my eyes. "I'll +go and rest." + +She pleaded a headache, and did not come down to dinner. Mrs. Yocomb +returned from her room with a troubled face. + +I had resolved that I would not seek to see her alone while Mr. Hearn +was away, and so resumed my long rambles. When I returned, about supper +time, she was sitting on the piazza watching Adela and Zillah playing +with their dolls. She did not look up as I took a seat on the steps not +far away. + +At last I began, "Can I tell you that I am very sorry you have been ill +to-day?" + +"I wasn't dangerous, as country people say," she replied, a little +brusquely. + +"You look as if Dapple might run over you now." + +"A kitten might run over me," she replied briefly, still keeping her +eyes on the children. + +By and by she asked, "Why do you look at me so intently, Mr. Morton?" + +"I beg your pardon." + +"That's not answering my question." + +"Suppose I deny that I was looking at you. You have not condescended to +glance at me yet." + +"You had better not deny it." + +"Well, then, to tell you the truth, as I find I always must, I was +looking for some trace of mercy. I was thinking whether I could venture +to ask forgiveness for being more of a brute than Dapple yesterday." + +"Have your words troubled you very much?" + +"They have indeed." + +"Well, they've troubled me too. You think I'm heartless, Mr. Morton;" +and she arose and went to her piano. + +I followed her instantly. "Won't you forgive me?" I asked; "I've +repented." + +"Oh, nonsense, Mr. Morton. You know as well as I do that I'm the one to +ask forgiveness." + +"No, I don't," I said, in a low, passionate tone. "I fear you are +grieving about what you can't help." + +"Can't help?" she repeated, flushing. + +"Yes, my being here makes you unhappy. If I knew it, I'd go to-night." + +"And you think that out of sight would be out of mind," she said, with +a strange smile. + +"Great God! I don't know what to think. I know that I would do anything +under heaven to make you look as you did the first night I saw you." + +"Do I look so badly?" + +"You look as if you might take wings and leave us at any moment." + +"Then I wouldn't trouble you any more." + +"Then my trouble would be without remedy. Marry Mr. Hearn; marry him +to-morrow, if you wish. I assure you that if you will be honestly and +truly happy, I won't mope a day--I'll become the jolliest old bachelor +in New York. I'll do anything within the power of man to make you your +old joyous self." + +Now at last she turned her large, glorious eyes upon me, and their +expression was sadness itself; but she only said quietly: + +"I believe you, Mr. Morton." + +"Then tell me, what can I do?" + +"Come to supper;" and she rose and left me. + +I went to my old seat by the window, and the tumult in my heart was in +wide contrast with the quiet summer evening. + +"You are mistaken, Emily Warren," I thought. "You have as much as said +that I can do nothing for you. I'll break your chain. You shall not +marry Gilbert Hearn, if I have to protest in the very church and before +the altar. You are mine, by the best and divinest right, and with your +truth as my ally I'll win you yet. From this hour I dedicate myself to +your happiness. Heavens, how blind I've been!" + +"Come, Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, putting her head within the door. + +Miss Warren sat in her place, silent and apathetic. She had the aspect +of one who had submitted to the inevitable, but would no longer pretend +she liked it. Mr. Yocomb was regarding her furtively, with a clouded +brow, and Adah's glances were frequent and perplexed. I felt as if +walking on air, and my heart was aglow with gladness; but I knew her +far too well to show what was in my mind. My purpose now was to beguile +the hours till I could show her what truth really required of her. With +the utmost tact that I possessed, and with all the zest that hope +confirmed inspired, I sought to diffuse a general cheerfulness, and I +gradually drew her into the current of our talk. After supper I told +them anecdotes of public characters and eminent people, for my calling +gave me a great store of this kind of information. Ere she was aware, +the despondent girl was asking questions, and my answers piqued her +interest still more; at last, quite late in the evening, Mr. Yocomb +exclaimed: + +"Look here, Richard, what right has thee to keep me out of my bed long +after regular hours? I'm not a night editor. Good people, you must all +go to bed. I'm master of this house. Now, don't say anything, mother, +to take me down." + +Finding myself alone with Miss Warren a moment in the hall, I asked: + +"Have I not done more than merely come to supper?" + +She turned from me instantly, and went swiftly up the stairway. + +But the apathetic, listless look was on her face when she came down in +the morning, and she appeared as if passively yielding to a dreaded +necessity. I resumed my old tactics, and almost in spite of herself +drew her into the genial family life. Mr. Yocomb seconded me with +unflagging zeal and commendable tact, while Mrs. Yocomb surpassed us +both. Adah seemed a little bewildered, as if there were something in +the air which she could not understand. But we made the social sunshine +of the house so natural and warm that she could not resist it. + +"Reuben," I said, after breakfast, "Miss Warren is not well. A ride +after Dapple is the best medicine I ever took. Take Miss Warren out for +a swift, short drive; don't let her say no. You have the tact to do the +thing in the right way." + +She did decline repeatedly, but he so persisted that she at last said: + +"There, Reuben, I will go with you." + +"I think thee might do that much for a friend, as thee calls me." + +When she returned there was a faint color in her cheeks. The rapid +drive had done her good, and I told her so as I helped her from the +light wagon. + +"Yes, Mr. Morton, it has, and I thank _you_ for the drive very much. +Let me suggest that Reuben is much too honest for a conspirator." + +"Well, he was a very willing one; and I see by his face, as he drives +down to the barn, that you have made him a happy one." + +"It doesn't take much to make him happy." + +"And would it take such an enormous amount to make you happy?" + +"You are much too inclined to be personal to be an editor. The world at +large should hold your interest;" and she went to her room. + +At the dinner-table the genial spell worked on; she recognized it with +a quiet smile, but yielded to its kindly power. At last she apparently +formed the resolution to make the most of this one bright day, and she +became the life of the party. + +"Emily," said Mrs. Yocomb, as we rose from the table, "father proposes +that we all go on a family picnic to Silver Pond, and take our supper +there. It's only three miles away. Would thee feel strong enough to go?" + +Mrs. Yocomb spoke with the utmost simplicity and innocence; but the +young girl laughed outright, then fixed a penetrating glance on Mr. +Yocomb, whose florid face became much more ruddy. + +"Evidences of guilt clearly apparent," she said, "and Mr. Morton, too, +looks very conscious. 'The best laid schemes of mice and men'--you know +the rest. Oh, yes, I'd go if I had to be carried. When webs are spun so +kindly, flies ought to be caught." + +"What is the matter with you all?" cried Adah. + +"Miss Adah, if you'll find me a match for my cigar you'll make me +happy," I said hastily, availing myself of the first line of retreat +open. + +"Is that all thee needs to make thee happy?" + +"Well, one thing at a time, Miss Adah, if you please." + +As the day grew cool, Reuben came around with the family rockaway. Mrs. +Yocomb and Adah had prepared a basket as large as their own generous +natures. I placed Miss Warren beside Mrs. Yocomb on the back seat, +while I took my place by Adah, with Zillah between us. Little Adela and +Reuben had become good friends, and she insisted on sitting between him +and his father. + +As we rolled along the quiet country roads, chatting, laughing, and +occasionally singing a snatch of a song, no one would have dreamed that +any shadows rested on the party except those which slanted eastward +from the trees, which often hung far over our heads. + +I took pains not to feign any forced gayety, nor had I occasion to, for +I was genuinely happy--happier than I had ever been before. Nothing was +assured save the absolute truth of the woman that I loved, but with +this ally I was confident. I was impartial in my attentions to Adah and +Zillah, and so friendly to both that Adah was as pleased and happy as +the child. We chaffed the country neighbors whom we met, and even +chattered back at the barking squirrels that whisked before us along +the fences. Mr. Yocomb seemed almost as much of a boy as Reuben, and +for some reason Miss Warren always laughed most at his pleasantries. +Mrs. Yocomb looked as placid and bright as Silver Pond, as it at last +glistened beneath us in the breathless, sunny afternoon; but like the +clear surface fringed with shadows that sank far beneath the water, +there were traces of many thoughts in her large blue eyes. + +There was a cow lying under the trees where we meant to spread our +table. I pointed her out to Miss Warren with humorous dismay. "Shall we +turn back?" I asked. + +"No," she replied, looking into my eyes gratefully. "You have become so +brave that I'm not afraid to go on." + +I ignored her reference to that which I intended she should forget for +one day, believing that if we could make her happy she would recognize +how far her golden-haloed lover came short of this power. So I said +banteringly, "I'll wager you my hat that you dare not get out and drive +that terrific beast away." + +"The idea of Emily's being afraid of a cow, after facing Dapple!" cried +Reuben. + +"Well, we'll see," I said. "Stop the rockaway here." + +"What should I do with your hat, Mr. Morton?" + +"Wear it, and suffer the penalty," laughed Adah. + +"You would surely win it," retorted the girl, a little nettled. + +"I'll wager you a box of candy then, or anything you please." + +"Let it be anything I please," she agreed, laughing. "Mr. Morton, you +are not going to let me get out alone?" + +"Oh, no," and I sprang out to assist her down. + +"She wants you to be on hand in case the ferocious beast switches its +tail," cried Adah. + +The hand she gave me trembled as I helped her out, and I saw that she +regarded the placid creature with a dread that she could not disguise. +Picking up a little stick, she stepped cautiously and hesitatingly +toward the animal. While still ridiculously far away, she stopped, +brandished her stick, and said, with a quaver in her threatening tone, +"Get up, I tell you!" + +But the cow ruminated quietly as if understanding well that there was +no occasion for alarm. + +The girl took one or two more faltering steps, and exclaimed, in a +voice of desperate entreaty, "Oh, please get up!" + +We could scarcely contain ourselves for laughter. + +"Oh, ye gods! how beautiful she is!" I murmured. "With her arm over +Dapple's neck she was a goddess. Now she's a shrinking woman. Heaven +grant that it may be my lot to protect her from the real perils of +life!" + +The cow suddenly switched her tail at a teasing gadfly, and the girl +precipitately sought my side. + +Reuben sprang out of the rockaway and lay down and rolled in his +uncontrollable mirth. + +"Was there anything ever so ridiculous?" cried Adah; for to the country +girl Miss Warren's fear was affectation. + +At Adah's words Miss Warren's face suddenly became white and resolute. + +"You, at least, shall not despise me," she said to me in a low tone; +and shutting her eyes she made a blind rush toward the cow. I had +barely time to catch her, or she would have thrown herself on the horns +of the startled animal that, with tail in air, careered away among the +trees. The girl was so weak and faint that I had to support her; but I +could not forbear saying, in a tone that she alone heard: + +"Do we ever despise that which we love supremely?" + +"Hush!" she answered sternly. + +Mrs. Yocomb was soon at our side with a flask of currant wine, and Adah +laughed a little bitterly as she said, "It was 'as good as a play'!" +Miss Warren recovered herself speedily by the aid of the generous wine, +and this was the only cloud on our simple festivity. In her response to +my ardent words she seemingly had satisfied her conscience, and she +acted like one bent on making the most of this one occasion of fleeting +pleasure. + +Adah was the only one who mentioned the banker. "How Mr. Hearn would +have enjoyed being here with us!" she exclaimed. + +Miss Warren's response was a sudden pallor and a remorseful expression; +but Mr. Yocomb and I speedily created a diversion of thought; I saw, +however, that Adah was watching her with a perplexed brow. The hours +quickly passed, and in the deepening shadows we returned homeward, Miss +Warren singing some sweet old ballads, to which my heart kept time. + +She seemed both to bring the evening to a close, and sat down at the +piano. Adah and I listened, well content. Having put the children to +bed Mrs. Yocomb joined us, and we chatted over the pleasant trip while +waiting for Mr. Yocomb and Reuben, who had not returned from the barn. +At last Mrs. Yocomb said heartily, as if summing it all up: + +"Well, Richard, thee's given us a bright, merry afternoon." + +"Yes, Richard," Miss Warren began, as if her heart had spoken +unawares--"I beg your pardon--Mr. Morton--" and then she stopped in +piteous confusion, for I had turned toward her with all my unspeakable +love in my face. + +Adah's laugh rang out a little harshly. + +I hastened to the rescue of the embarrassed girl, saying, "I don't see +why you should beg my pardon. We're all Friends here. At least I'm +trying to be one as fast as a leopard can change his spots and the +Ethiopian his skin. As for you, a tailor would say you were cut from +the same cloth as Mrs. Yocomb." + +But for some reason she could not recover herself. She probably +realized, in the tumult of her feeling, that she had revealed her heart +too clearly, and she could not help seeing that Adah understood her. +She was too confused for further pretence, and too unnerved to attempt +it. After a moment of pitiful hesitation she fled with a scarlet face +to her room. + +"Well," said Adah, with a slight hysterical laugh, "I understand Emily +Warren now." + +"Pardon me, Miss Adah, I don't think you do," I began. + +"If thee doesn't, thee's blind indeed." + +"I am blind." + +"Be assured I'm not any longer," and with a deep angry flush she, too, +left us. + +I turned to Mrs. Yocomb, and taking both of her hands I entreated, "As +you have the heart of a woman, never let Emily Warren marry that man. +Help me--help us both!" + +"My poor boy," she began, "this is a serious matter--" + +"It is indeed," I said, passionately; "it's a question of life and +death to us both." + +"Well," she said, thoughtfully, "I think time and truth will be on thy +side in the end; but I would advise thee not to do or say anything rash +or hasty. She is very resolute. Give her time." + +Would to God I had taken her advice! + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +MY WORST BLUNDER + + +I scarcely could foresee how we should get through the following day. I +both longed for and dreaded it, feeling that though it might pass +quietly enough, it would probably be decisive in its bearing on the +problem of my life. Miss Warren would at last be compelled to face the +truth squarely, that she had promised a man what she could not give, +and that to permit him to go on blindly trusting would be impossible. +The moment she realized fully that she had never truly loved him, and +now never could, she would give up the pretence. Then why should she +not see that love, duty, and truth could go together? That she had +struggled desperately to be loyal to Mr. Hearn was sadly proved by her +thin face and wasted form; but with a nature like hers, when once her +genuine love was evoked, the effort to repress it was as vain as +seeking to curb a rising tide. I now saw, as I looked back over the +past weeks, that her love had grown steadily and irresistibly till it +had overwhelmed all save her will and conscience; that these stood, the +two solitary landmarks of her former world. And I knew they would +stand, and that my only hope was to stand with them. Her love had gone +out to me as mine had to her, from a constraint that she could not +resist, and this fact I hoped would reveal to her its sacred right to +live. With every motive that would naturally bind her to a man who +could give her so much, her heart claimed its mate in one who must +daily toil long hours for subsistence. It would be like her to +recognize that a love so unthrifty and unselfish must spring from the +deepest truths and needs of her being rather than from any passing +causes. She would come to believe as I did, that God had created us for +each other. + +But it seemed as if the whole world had changed and gone awry when we +sat down to breakfast the next morning. Adah was polite to me, but she +was cool and distant. She no longer addressed me in the Friendly +tongue. It was "you" now. I had ceased to be one of them, in her +estimation. Her father and mother looked grave and worried, but they +were as kind and cordial to me as ever. Reuben and the little girls +were evidently mystified by the great change in the social atmosphere, +but were too inexperienced to understand it. I was pained by Adah's +manner, but did not let it trouble me, feeling assured that as she +thought the past over she would do me justice, and that our relations +would become substantially those of a brother and sister. + +But I was puzzled and alarmed beyond measure by Miss Warren's manner +and appearance, and my feelings alternated between the deepest sympathy +and the strongest fear. She looked as if she had grown old in the +night, and was haggard from sleeplessness. Her deep eyes had sunken +deeper than ever, and the lines under them were dark indeed, but her +white face was full of a cold scorn, and she held herself aloof from us +all. + +She looked again as if capable of any blind, desperate self-sacrifice. + +Simple, honest Mr. Yocomb was sorely perplexed, but his wife's face was +grave and inscrutable. If I had only gone quietly away and left the +whole problem to her, how much better it would have been! + +I tried to speak to Miss Warren in a pleasant, natural way; her answers +were brief and polite, but nothing more. Before the meal was over she +excused herself and returned to her room. I felt almost indignant. What +had I--most of all, what had her kind, true friends, Mr. and Mrs. +Yocomb--done to warrant that cold, half--scornful face? Her coming to +breakfast was but a form, and she clearly wished to leave us at the +earliest possible moment. Adah smiled satirically as she passed out, +and the expression did not become her fair face. + +I strode out to the arbor in the garden and stared moodily at the +floor, I know not how long, for I was greatly mystified and baffled, +and my very soul was consumed with anxiety. + +"She shall listen to reason," I muttered again and again. "This +question must be settled in accordance with truth--the simple, natural +truth--and nothing else. She's mine, and nothing shall separate us--not +even her perverse will and conscience;" and so the heavy hours passed +in deep perturbation. + +At last I heard a step, and looking through the leaves I saw the object +of my thoughts coming through the garden, reading a letter. My eyes +glistened with triumph. "The chance I coveted has come," I muttered, +and I watched her intently. She soon crushed the letter in her hand and +came swiftly toward the arbor, with a face so full of deep and almost +wild distress that my heart relented, and I resolved to be as gentle as +I before had intended to be decisive and argumentative. I hastily +changed my seat to the angle by the entrance, so that I could intercept +her should she try to escape the interview. + +She entered, and throwing herself down on the seat, buried her face in +her arm. + +"Miss Warren," I began. + +She started up with a passionate gesture. "You have no right to intrude +on me now," she said, almost sternly. + +"Pardon me, were I not here when you entered, I would still have a +right to come. You are in deep distress. Why must I be inhuman any more +than yourself? You have at least promised me friendship, but you treat +me like an enemy." + +"You have been my worst enemy." + +"I take issue with you there at once. I've never had a thought toward +you that was not most kind and loyal. + +"Loyal!" she replied, bitterly; "that word in itself is a stab." + +"Miss Warren," I said, very gently, "you make discord in the old garden +to-day." + +She dropped her letter on the ground and sank on the seat again. Such a +passion of sobs shook her slight frame that I trembled with +apprehension. But I kept quiet, believing that Nature could care for +her child better than I could, and that her outburst of feeling would +bring relief. At last, as she became a little more self-controlled, I +said, gravely and kindly: + +"There must be some deep cause for this deep grief." + +"Oh, what shall I do?" she sobbed. "What shall I do? I wish the earth +would open and swallow me up." + +"That wish is as vain as it is cruel. I wish you would tell me all, and +let me help you. I think I deserve it at your hands." + +"Well, since you know so much, you may as well know all. It doesn't +matter now, since every one will soon know. He has written that his +business will take him to Europe within a month--that we must be +married--that he will bring his sister here to-night to help me make +arrangements. Oh! oh! I'd rather die than ever see him again. I've +wronged him so cruelly, so causelessly." + +In wild exultation I snatched a pocketbook from my coat and cried: + +"Miss Warren--Emily--do you remember this little York and Lancaster bud +that you gave me the day we first met? Do you remember my half-jesting, +random words, 'To the victor belong the spoils'? See, the victor is at +your feet." + +She sprang up and turned her back upon me. "Rise!" she said, in a voice +so cold and stern that, bewildered, I obeyed. + +She soon became as calm as before she had been passionate and +unrestrained in her grief; but it was a stony quietness that chilled +and disheartened me before she spoke. + +"It does indeed seem as if the truth between us could never be hidden," +she said, bitterly. "You have now very clearly shown your estimate of +me. You regard me as one of those weak women of the past whom the +strongest carry off. You have been the stronger in this case--oh, you +know it well! Not even in the house of God could I escape your vigilant +scrutiny. You hoped and watched and waited for me to be false. Should I +yield to you, you would never forget that I had been false, and, in +accordance with your creed, you would ever fear--that is, if your +passion lasted long enough--the coming of one still stronger, to whom +in the weak necessity of my nature, I again would yield. Low as I have +fallen, I will never accept from a man a mere passion devoid of respect +and honor. I'm no longer entitled to these, therefore I'll accept +nothing." + +She poured out these words like a torrent, in spite of my gestures of +passionate dissent, and my efforts to be heard; but it was a cold, +pitiless torrent. Excited as I was, I saw how intense was her +self-loathing. I also saw despairingly that she embraced me in her +scorn. + +"Miss Warren," I said, dejectedly, "since you are so unjust to +yourself, what hope have I?" + +"There is little enough for either of us," she continued, more +bitterly; "at least there is none for me. You will, no doubt, get +bravely over it, as you said. Men generally do, especially when in +their hearts they have no respect for the woman with whom they are +infatuated. Mr. Morton, the day of your coming was indeed the day of +_my_ fate. I wish you could have saved the lives of the others, but not +mine. I could then have died in peace, with honor unstained. But now, +what is my life but an intolerable burden of shame and self-reproach? +Without cause and beyond the thought of forgiveness, I've wronged a +good, honorable man, who has been a kind and faithful friend for years. +He is bringing his proud, aristocratic sister here to-night to learn +how false and contemptible I am. The people among whom I earned my +humble livelihood will soon know how unfit I am to be trusted with +their daughters--that I am one who falls a spoil to the strongest. I +have lost everything--chief of all my pearl of great price--my truth. +What have I left? Is there a more impoverished creature in the world? +There is nothing left to me but bare existence and hateful memories. +Oh, the lightning was dim compared with the vividness with which I've +seen it all since that hateful moment last night, when the truth became +evident even to Adah Yocomb. But up to that moment, even up to this +hour, I hoped you pitied me--that you were watching and waiting to help +me to be true and not to be false. I did not blame you greatly for your +love--my own weakness made me lenient--and at first you did not know. +But since you now openly seek that which belongs to another; since you +now exult that you are the stronger, and that I have become your spoil, +I feel, though I cannot yet see and realize the depths into which I +have fallen. Even to-day you might have helped me as a friend, and +shown me how some poor shred of my truth might have been saved; but you +snatch at me as if I were but the spoil of the strongest. Mr. Morton, +either you or I must leave the farmhouse at once." + +"This is the very fanaticism of truth," I cried, desperately. "Your +mind is so utterly warped and morbid from dwelling on one side of this +question that you are cruelly unjust." + +"Would that I had been less kind and more just. I felt sorry for you, +from the depths of my heart. Why have you had no pity for me? You are a +man of the world, and know it. Why did you not show me to what this +wretched weakness would lead? I thought you meant this kindness when +you said you wished my brother was here. Oh that I were sleeping beside +him! I thought you meant this when you said that nothing would last, +nothing could end well unless built on the truth. I hoped you were +watching me with the vigilance of a man who, though loving me, was so +strong and generous and honorable that he would try to save me from a +weakness that I cannot understand, and which was the result of strange +and unforeseen circumstances. When you were so ill I felt as if I had +dealt you your death-blow, and then, woman-like, I loved you. I loved +you before I recognized my folly. Up to that point we could scarcely +help ourselves. For weeks I tried to hide the truth from myself. I +fought against it. I prayed against it through sleepless nights. I +tried to hide the truth from you most of all. But I remember the flash +of hope in your face when you first surmised my miserable secret. It +hurt me cruelly. Your look should have been one of dismay and sorrow. +But I know something of the weakness of the heart, and its first +impulse might naturally be that of gladness, although honor must have +changed it almost instantly into deep regret. Then I believed that you +were sorry, and that it was your wish to help me. I thought it was your +purpose yesterday to show me that I could be happy, even in the path of +right and duty, that had become so hard, though you spoke once as you +ought not. But when I, unawares, and from the impulse of a grateful +heart, spoke your name last night as that of my truest and best friend, +as I thought, you turned toward me the face of a lover, and to-day--but +it's all over. Will you go?" + +"Are Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb false?" I cried. + +"No, they are too simple and true to realize the truth. Mr. Morton, I +think we fully understand each other now. Since you will not go, I +shall. You had better remain here and grow strong. Please let me pass." + +"I wish you had dealt me my death-blow. It were a merciful one compared +with this. No, you don't understand me at all. You have portrayed me as +a vile monster. Because you cannot keep your engagement with a man you +never truly loved, you inflict the torments of hell on the man you do +love, and whom Heaven meant you to love. Great God! you are not married +to Gilbert Hearn. Have not engagements often been broken for good and +sufficient reasons? Is not the truth that our hearts almost instantly +claimed eternal kindred a sufficient cause? I watched and waited that I +might know whether you were his or mine. I did not seek to win you from +him after I knew--after I remembered. But when I knew the truth, you +_were_ mine. Before God I assert my right, and before His altar I would +protest against your marriage to any other." + +She sank down on the arbor seat, white and faint, but made a slight +repellent gesture. + +"Yes, I'll go," I said, bitterly; "and such a scene as this might well +cause a better man than I to go to the devil;" and I strode away. + +But before I had taken a dozen steps my heart relented, and I returned. +Her face was again buried in her right arm and her left hand hung by +her side. + +I took it in both of my own as I said, gently and sadly: + +"Emily Warren, you may scorn me--you may refuse ever to see my face +again; but I have dedicated my life to your happiness, and I shall keep +my vow. It may be of no use, but God looketh at the intent of the +heart. Heathen though I am, I cannot believe he will let the June day +when we first met prove so fatal to us both: the God of whom Mrs. +Yocomb told us wants no harsh, useless self-sacrifice. You are not +false, and never have been. Mrs. Yocomb is not more true. I respect and +honor you, as I do my mother's memory, though my respect now counts so +little to you. I never meant to wrong you or pain you; I meant your +happiness first and always. If you care to know, my future life shall +show whether I am a gentleman or a villain. May God show you how +cruelly unjust you are to yourself. I shall attempt no further +self-defence. Good-by." + +She trembled; but she only whispered: + +"Good-by. Go, and forget." + +"When I forget you--when I fail in loving loyalty to you, may God +forget me!" I replied, and I hastened from the garden with as much +sorrow and bitterness in my heart as the first man could have felt when +the angel drove him from Eden. Alas! I was going out alone into a world +that had become thorny indeed. + +As I approached the house Mrs. Yocomb happened to come out on the +piazza. + +I took her hand and drew her toward the garden gate. She saw that I was +almost speechless from trouble, and with her native wisdom divined it +all. + +"I did not take your advice," I groaned, "accursed fool that I was! But +no matter about me. Save Emily from herself. As you believe in God's +mercy, watch over her as you watched over me. Show her the wrong of +wrecking both of our lives. She's in the arbor there. Go and stay with +her till I am gone. You are my only hope. God bless you for all your +kindness to me. Please write: I shall be in torment till I hear from +you. Good-by." + +I watched her till I saw her enter the arbor, then hastened to the +barn, where Reuben was giving the horses their noonday feeding. + +"Reuben," I said, quietly, "I'm compelled to go to New York at once. We +can catch the afternoon train, if you are prompt. Not a word, old +fellow. I've no time now to explain. I must go, and I'll walk if you +won't take me;" and I hastened to the house and packed for departure +with reckless haste. + +At the foot of the moody stairway I met Adah. + +"Are you going away?" she tried to say distantly, with face averted. + +"Yes, Miss Adah, and I fear you are glad." + +"No," she said, brokenly, and turning she gave me her hand. "I can't +keep this up any longer, Richard. Since we first met I've been very +foolish, very weak, and thee--thee has been a true gentleman toward me." + +"I wish I might be a true brother. God knows I feel like one." + +"Thee--thee saved my life, Richard. I was wicked to forget that for a +moment. Will thee forgive me?" + +"I'll forgive you only as you will let me become the most devoted +brother a girl ever had, for I love and respect you, Adah, very, very +much." + +Tears rushed into the warm-hearted girl's eyes. She put her arms around +my neck and kissed me. "Let this seal that agreement," she said, "and +I'll be thy sister in heart as well as in name." + +"How kind and good you are, Adah!" I faltered. "You are growing like +your mother now. When you come to New York you will see how I keep my +word," and I hastened away. + +Mr. Yocomb intercepted me in the path. + +"How's this? how's this?" he cried. + +"I must go to New York at once," I said. "Mrs. Yocomb will explain all. +I have a message for Mr. Hearn. Please say that I will meet him at any +time, and will give any explanations to which he has a right. Good-by; +I won't try to thank you for your kindness, which I shall value more +and more every coming day." + +For a long time we rode in silence, Reuben looking as grim and lowering +as his round, ruddy face permitted. + +At last he broke out, "Now, I say, blast Emily Warren's grandfather!" + +"No, Reuben, my boy," I replied, putting my arm around him, "with all +his millions, I'm heartily sorry for Mr. Hearn." + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +MRS. YOCOMB'S LETTERS + + +I will not weary the reader with my experiences after arriving at New +York. I could not have felt worse had I been driven into the Dismal +Swamp. My apartments were dusty and stifling, and as cheerless as my +feelings. + +My editorial chief welcomed me cordially, and talked business. "After +you had gone," he was kind enough to say, "we learned your value. Night +work is too wearing for you, so please take that office next to mine. I +feel a little like breaking down myself, and don't intend to wait until +I do, as you did. I shall be off a great deal the rest of the summer, +and you'll have to manage things." + +"Pile on work," I said; "I'm greedy for it." + +"Yes," he replied, laughing, "I appreciate that rare trait of yours; +but I shall regard you as insubordinate if you don't take proper rest. +Give us your brains, Morton, and leave hack work to others. That's +where you blundered before." + +Within an hour I was caught in the whirl of the great complicated +world, and, as I said to Mr. Yocomb, I had indeed no time to mope. +Thank God for work! It's the best antidote this world has for trouble. + +But when night came my brain was weary and my heart heavy as lead. It +seemed as if the farmhouse was in another world, so diverse was +everything there from my present life. + +I had given my uptown address to Mrs. Yocomb and went home--if I may +apply that term to my dismal boarding-place--Tuesday night, feeling +assured that there must be a letter. Good Mrs. Yocomb had not failed +me, for on my table lay a bulky envelope, addressed in a quaint but +clear hand. I was glad no one saw how my hand trembled as I opened her +missive and read: + +"My Dear Richard--I know how anxious thee is for tidings from us all, +and especially from one toward whom thy heart is very tender. I will +take up the sad story where thee left it. Having all the facts, thee +can draw thy own conclusions. + +"I found Emily in an almost fainting condition, and I just took her in +my arms and let her cry like a child until tears brought relief. It was +no time for words. Then I brought her into the house and gave her +something that made her sleep in spite of herself. She awoke about an +hour before Gilbert Hearn's arrival, and her nervous trepidation at the +thought of meeting him was so great that I resolved she should not see +him--at least not that night--and I told her so. This gave her great +relief, though she said it was cowardly in her to feel so. But in truth +she was too ill to see him. Her struggle had been too long and severe, +and her nervous system was utterly prostrated. I had Doctor Bates here +when Gilbert Hearn came, and the doctor is very discreet. I told him +that he must manage so that Emily need not see the one she so feared to +meet again, and hinted plainly why, though making no reference to thee, +of course. The doctor acted as I wished, not because I wished it, but +on professional grounds. 'Miss Warren's future health depends on +absolute rest and quiet,' he said to her affianced. 'I not only advise +that you do not see her, but I forbid it,' for he was terribly +excited--so was his sister, Charlotte Bradford--and it was as much as +we could do to keep them from going to her room. If they had, I believe +the excitement would have destroyed either her life or reason. Gilbert +Hearn plainly intimated that something was wrong. 'Very well, then,' I +said, 'bring thy own family physician, and let him consult with Doctor +Bates,' and this he angrily said he would do on the morrow. The very +fact they were in the house made the poor girl almost wild; but I +stayed with her all night, and she just lay in my arms like a +frightened child, and my heart yearned over her as if she were my own +daughter. She did not speak of thee, but I heard her murmur once, 'I +was cruel--I was unjust to him.' + +"In the morning she was more composed, and I made her take strong +nourishment, I can tell thee. Thee remembers how I used to dose thee in +spite of thyself. + +"Well, in the morning Emily seemed to be thinking deeply; and by and by +she said: 'Mrs. Yocomb, I want this affair settled at once. I want you +to sit by me while I write to him, and advise me.' I felt she was +right. Her words were about as follows: (I asked her if I could tell +thee what she wrote. She hesitated a little, and a faint color came +into her pale face. 'Yes,' she said at last, 'let him know the whole +truth. Since so much has occurred between us, I want him to know +everything. He then may judge me as he thinks best. I have a horror of +any more misunderstanding.') + +"'You can never know, Mr. Hearn,' she wrote, 'the pain and sorrow with +which I address to you these words. Still less can you know my shame +and remorse; but you are an honorable man, and have a right to the +truth. My best hope is that when you know how unworthy I am of your +regard your regret will be slight. I recall all your kindness to me, +and my heart is tortured as I now think of the requital I am making. +Still, justice to myself requires that I tell you that I mistook my +gratitude and esteem, my respect and genuine regard, for a deeper +emotion. You will remember, however, that I long hesitated, feeling +instinctively that I could not give you what you had a right to expect. +Last spring you pressed me for a definite answer. I said I would come +to this quiet place and think it all over, and if I did not write you +to the contrary within a few days you might believe that I had yielded +to your wishes. I found myself more worn and weary from my toilsome +life than I imagined. I was lonely; I dreaded my single-handed struggle +with the world, and my heart overflowed with gratitude toward you--it +does still--for your kindness, and for all that you promised to do for +me. I had not the will nor the disposition to say no, or to put you off +any longer. Still I had misgiving; I feared that I did not feel as I +ought. When I received your kind letter accepting my silence as +consent, I felt bound by it--I was bound by it. I have no defence to +make. I can only state the miserable truth. I cannot love you as a wife +ought, and I know now that I never can. I've tried--God knows I've +tried. I'm worn out with the struggle. I fear I am very ill. I wish I +were dead and at rest. I cannot ask you to think mercifully of me. I +cannot think mercifully of myself. To meet again would be only useless +suffering. I am not equal to it. My one effort now is to gain +sufficient strength to go to some distant relatives in the West. Please +forget me. "'In sorrow and bitter regret, "'Emily Warren.'" + +I started up and paced the room distractedly. "The generous girl!" I +exclaimed, "she lays not a particle of blame on me. But, by Jove! I'd +like to take all the blame, and have it out with him here and now. +Blame! What blame is there? The poor child! Why can't she see that she +is white as snow?" + +Again I eagerly turned to Mrs. Yocomb's words: + +"Emily seemed almost overwhelmed at the thought of his reading this +letter. She is so generous, so sensitive, that she saw only his side of +the case, and made scarcely any allowance for herself. I was a little +decided and plain-spoken with her, and it did her good. At last I said +to her, 'I am not weak-minded, if I am simple and plain. Because I live +in the country is no reason why I do not know what is right and just. +Thee has no cause to blame thyself so bitterly.' 'Does Mr. Yocomb feel +and think as you do?' she asked. 'Of course he does,' I replied. She +put her hands to her head and said pitifully, 'Perhaps I am too +distracted to see things clearly. I sometimes fear I may lose my +reason.' 'Well, Emily,' I said, 'thee has done right. Thee cannot help +feeling as thee does, and to go on now would be as great a wrong to +Gilbert Hearn as to thyself. Thee has done just as I would advise my +own daughter to do. Leave all with me. Thee need not see him again. I +am going to stand by thee;' and I left her quite heartened up." + +"Oh, but you are a gem of a woman!" I cried. "A few more like you would +bring the millennium." + +"Gilbert Hearn was dreadfully taken aback by the letter; but I must do +him the justice to say that he was much touched by it too, for he +called me again into the parlor, and I saw that he was much moved. He +had given his sister the letter to read, and she muttered, 'Poor +thing!' as she finished it. He fixed his eyes sternly on me and said, +'Mr. Morton is at the bottom of this thing.' I returned his gaze very +quietly, and asked, 'What am I to infer by this expression of thy +opinion to me?' His sister was as quick as a flash, and she said +plainly, 'Gilbert, these people were not two little children in Mrs. +Yocomb's care.' 'Thee is right,' I said; 'I have not controlled their +actions any more than I have those of thy brother. Richard Morton is +absent, however, and were we not under peculiar obligations to him I +would still be bound to speak for him, since he is not here to speak +for himself. I have never seen Richard Morton do anything unbecoming a +gentleman. Has thee, Gilbert Hearn? If so, I think thee had better see +him, for he is not one to deny thee any explanation to which thee has a +right.' 'Why did he go to the city so suddenly?' he asked angrily. 'I +will give thee his address,' I said coldly. 'Gilbert,' expostulated his +sister,--we have no right to cross--question Mrs. Yocomb.' 'Since thee +is so considerate,' I said to her, 'I will add that Richard Morton +intended to return on Second Day at the latest, and he chose to go +to-day. His action enables me to give thee a room to thyself.' +'Gilbert,' said the lady, 'I do not see that we have any reason to +regret his absence. As Mrs. Yocomb says, you can see him in New York; +but unless you have well founded and specific charges to make, I think +it would compromise your dignity to see him. Editors are ugly customers +to stir up unless there is good cause.'" + +"I know one," I growled, "that would be a particularly ugly customer +just now." + +"'In Emily Warren's case,' I said, 'it is different,'" Mrs. Yocomb +continued. "'She is a motherless girl and has appealed to me for advice +and sympathy. In her honest struggle to be loyal to thee she has worn +herself almost to a shadow, and I have grave fears for her reason and +her life, so great is her prostration. She has for thee, Gilbert Hearn, +the sincerest respect and esteem, and the feeling that she has wronged +thee, even though she cannot help it, seems almost to crush her.' +'Gilbert,' said his sister warmly, 'you cannot blame her, and you +certainly ought to respect her. If she were not an honest-hearted girl +she would never have renounced you with your great wealth.' He sank +into a chair and looked very white. 'It's a terrible blow,' he said; +'it's the first severe reverse I've ever had.' 'Well,' she replied, 'I +know from your character that you will meet it like a man and a +gentleman.' 'Certainly,' he said, with a deep breath, 'I cannot do +otherwise.' I then rose and bowed, saying: 'You will both excuse me if +I am with my charge much of the time. Adah will attend to your wants, +and I hope you will feel at home so long as it shall please you to +stay.'" + +"By Jove! but her tact was wonderful. Not a diplomat in Europe could +have done better. The innocent-looking Quakeress was a match for them +both." + +"Then I went back to Emily," Mrs. Yocomb wrote, "and I found her in a +pitiable state of excitement. When I opened the door she started up +apprehensively, as if she feared that the man with whom she had broken +would burst in upon her with bitter reproaches. I told her everything; +for even I cannot deceive her, she is so quick. Her mind was +wonderfully lightened, and I soon made her sleep again. She awoke in +the evening much quieter, but she cried a good deal in the night, and I +surmise she was thinking of thee more than of herself or of him. I wish +thee had waited until all this was over, but I think all will come out +right." + +"Oh, the unutterable fool that I was!" I groaned; "I'm the champion +blunderer of the world." + +"Well, Richard, this is the longest letter I ever wrote, and I must +bring it to a close, for my patient needs me. I will write soon again, +and tell thee everything. Goodnight. + +"Second Day. P.S.--I left my letter open to add a postscript. Gilbert +Hearn and his sister left this morning. The former at last seemed quite +calm and resigned, and was very polite. His sister was too. She amused +me not a little. I do not think that her heart was greatly set on the +match, and she was not so troubled but that she could take an interest +in our quiet, homely ways. I think we seemed to her like what you city +people call _bric-a-brac_, but she was too much of a lady to let her +curiosity become offensive. She took a great fancy to Adah, especially +as she saw that Adela was very fond of her, and she persuaded her +brother to leave the child here in our care, saying that she was +improving wonderfully. He did not seem at all averse to the plan. Adah +is behaving very nicely, if I do say it, and showed a great deal of +quiet, gentle dignity. She and Charlotte Bradford had a long chat in +the evening about Adela. Adah says, 'Send Richard my love'; and if I +put in all the messages from father, Reuben, and Zillah, they would +fill another sheet. + +"I asked Emily if she had any message for thee. She buried her face in +the pillow and murmured, 'Not now, not yet'; but after a moment she +turned toward me, looking white and resolute. 'Tell him,' she said, 'to +forgive me and forget.' Be patient, Richard. Wait. "Thine affectionately, + +"Ruth Yocomb." + +"Forget!" I shouted. "Yes, when I am annihilated," and I paced my room +for hours. At last, exhausted, I sought such rest as I could obtain, +but my last thought was, "God bless Ruth Yocomb. I could kiss the +ground she had trodden." + +The next morning I settled down to my task of waiting and working, +resolving that there must be no more nights like the last, in which I +had wasted a vast amount of vital force. I wrote to Mrs. Yocomb, and +thanked her from a full heart. I sent messages to all the family, and +said, "Tell Adah I shall keep her love warm in my heart, and that I +send her twice as much of mine in return. Like all brothers, I shall +take liberties, and will subscribe in her behalf for the two best +magazines in the city. Give Miss Warren this simple message: The words +I last spoke to her shall ever be true." + +I also told Mrs. Yocomb of my promotion, and that I was no longer a +night-owl. + +Toward the end of the week came another bulky letter, which I devoured, +letting my dinner grow cold. + +"Our life at the farmhouse has become very quiet," she wrote. "Emily +improves slowly, for her nervous system has received a severe strain. I +told her that thee had sent messages to all the family, and asked if +she did not expect one. 'I've no right to any--there's no occasion for +any,' she faltered; but her eyes were very wistful and entreating. +'Well,' I said, 'I must clear my conscience, and since he sent thee +one, I must give it. He writes, 'Say to Miss Warren in reply that the +last words I spoke to her shall ever be true.' I suppose thee knows +what he means,' I said, smiling; 'I don't.' She buried her face in the +pillow again; but I think thy message did her good, for she soon fell +asleep, and looked more peaceful than at any time yet." + +At last there came a letter saying, "Emily has left us and gone to a +cousin--a Mrs. Vining--who resides at Columbus, Ohio. She is much +better, but very quiet--very different from her old self. Father put +her on the train, and she will have to change cars only once. 'Emily,' +I said to her, 'thee can not go away without one word for Richard.' She +was deeply moved, but her resolute will gained the mastery. 'I am +trying to act for the best,' she said. 'He has appealed to the future: +the future must prove us both, for there must be no more mistakes.' +'Does thee doubt thyself, Emily?' 'I have reason to doubt myself, Mrs. +Yocomb,' she replied. 'But what does thy heart tell thee?' A deep +solemn look came into her eyes, and after a few moments she said, +'Pardon me, my dear friend, if I do not answer you fully. Indeed, I +would scarcely know how to answer you. I have entered on an experience +that is new and strange to me. I am troubled and frightened at myself. +I want to go away among strangers, where I can think and grow calm. I +want to be alone with my God. I should always be weak and vacillating +here. Moreover, Mr. Morton has formed an impression of me, of which, +perhaps, I cannot complain. This impression may grow stronger in his +mind. It has all been too sudden. His experiences have been too +intermingled with storm, delirium, and passion. He has not had time to +think any more than I have. In the larger sphere of work to which you +say he has been promoted he may find new interests that will be +absorbing. After a quiet and distant retrospect he may thank me for the +course I am taking.' 'Emily!' I exclaimed, 'for so tender-hearted a +girl thee is very strong.' 'No,' she replied, 'but because I have +learned my weakness I am going away from temptation.' I then asked, 'Is +thee willing I should tell Richard what thee has said?' After thinking +for some time she answered, 'Yes, let everything be based on the simple +truth. But tell him he must respect my action--he must leave me to +myself.' The afternoon before she left us, Adah and Reuben went over to +the village and got some beautiful rosebuds, and Adah brought them up +after tea. Emily was much touched, and kissed her again and again. Then +she threw herself into my arms and cried for nearly an hour, but she +went away bravely. I never can think of it with dry eyes. Zillah was +heart-broken, and Reuben clung to her in a way that surprised me. He +has been very remorseful that he treated her badly at one time. Adah +and I were mopping our eyes, and father kept blowing his nose like a +trumpet. She gave way a little at the last moment, for Reuben ran down +to the barn and brought out Dapple that she might say good-by to him, +and she put her arms around the pretty creature's neck and sobbed for a +moment or two. I never saw a horse act so. He followed her right up to +the rockaway steps. At last she said, 'Come, let us go, quick!' I shall +never forget the scene, and I think that she repressed so much feeling +that we had to express it for her. She kissed little Adela tenderly, +and the child was crying too. It seemed as if we couldn't go on and +take up our every-day life again. I wouldn't have believed that one who +was a stranger but a short time ago could have gotten such a hold upon +our hearts, but as I think it all over I do not wonder. Dear little +Zillah reminds me of what I owe to her. She is very womanly, but she is +singularly strong. As she was driven away she looked up at thy window, +so thee may guess that thee was the last one in her thoughts. Wait, and +be patient. Do just as she says." + +I am glad that my editorial chief did not see me as I read this letter, +for I fear I should have been deposed at once. Its influence on me, +however, was very satisfactory to him, for if ever a man was put on his +mettle I felt that I had been. + +"Very well, Emily Warren," I said, "we have both appealed to the +future: let it judge us." I worked and tried to live as if the girl's +clear dark eyes were always on me, and her last lingering glance at the +window from which I had watched her go to meet the lover that, for my +sake, she could not marry, was a ray of steady sunshine. She did not +realize how unconsciously she had given me hope. + +A few days later I looked carefully over our subscription list. Her +paper had been stopped, and I felt this keenly; but as I was staring +blankly at the obliterated name a happy thought occurred to me, and I +turned to the letter V. With a gleam of deep satisfaction in my eyes I +found the address, Mrs. Adelaide Vining, Columbus, Ohio. + +"Now through the editorial page I can write to her daily," I thought. + +Late in September my chief said to me: + +"Look here, Morton, you are pitching into every dragon in the country. +I don't mind fighting three or four evils or abuses at a time, but this +general onslaught is raising a breeze." + +"With your permission, I don't care if it becomes a gale, as long as we +are well ballasted with facts." + +"Well, to go back to my first figure, be sure you are well armed before +you attack. Some of the beasts are old and tough, and have awful stings +in their tails. The people seem to like it, though, from the way +subscriptions are coming in." + +But I wrote chiefly for one reader. He would have opened his eyes if I +had told him that a young music-teacher in Columbus, Ohio, had a large +share in conducting the journal. Over my desk in my rooms I had had +framed, in illuminated text, the words she had spoken to me on the most +memorable day of my life: + +"The editor has exceptional opportunities, and might be the +knight-errant of our age. If in earnest, and on the right side, he can +forge a weapon out of public opinion that few evils could resist. He is +in just the position to discover these dragons and drive them from +their hiding-places." + +The spirit that breathed in these words I tried to make mine, for I +wished to feel and think as she did. While I maintained my +individuality of thought I never touched a question but that I first +looked at it from her standpoint. I labored for weeks over an editorial +entitled "Truth versus Conscience," and sent it like an arrow into the +West. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +ADAH + + +I heard often from the farmhouse, and learned that Mr. Hearn had gone +to Europe almost immediately, but that he had returned in the latter +part of September, and had spent a week with his little girl, Mrs. +Bradford, his sister, accompanying him. "They seem to think Adela is +doing so well," Mrs. Yocomb wrote, "that they have decided to leave her +here through October. Adah spends part of every forenoon teaching the +little girls." In the latter part of November I received a letter that +made my heart beat thick and fast. + +"We expect thee to eat thy Thanksgiving dinner with us, and we expect +also a friend from the West. I think she will treat thee civilly. At +any rate we have a right to invite whom we please. We drew up a +petition to Emily, and all signed it. Father added a direful +postscript. He said, 'If thee won't come quietly, I will go after thee. +Thee thinks I am a man of peace, but there will be commotion and +violence in Ohio if thee doesn't come; so, strong-willed as thee is, +thee has got to yield for once.' She wrote father the funniest letter +in reply, in which she agreed, for the credit of the Society of +Friends, not to provoke him to extremities. She doesn't know thee is +coming, but I think she knows me well enough to be sure that thee would +be invited. Emily writes that she will not return to New York to live, +since she can obtain more scholars than she needs at Columbus." + +Mrs. Yocomb also added that Adah had left home that day for an extended +visit in the city, and she gave me her address. + +I had written to Adah more than once, and had made out a programme of +what we should do when she came to town. + +Quite early in the evening I started out to call upon her, but as I +drew near the house I saw that a handsome coupe stood before the door, +drawn by two horses, and that the coachman was in livery. My steps were +speedily arrested, for the door of the dwelling was opened, and Mr. +Hearn came out, accompanied by Adah. They entered the coupe and were +driven rapidly toward Fifth Avenue. I gave a long, low whistle, and +took two or three turns around the block, muttering, "Gilbert Hearn, +but you are shrewd. If you can't have the best thing in the world, +you'll have the next best. Come to think of it, she is the best for +you. If this comes about for Adah, I could throw my hat over yonder +steeple." + +I went back to the house, proposing to leave my card, and thus show +Adah that I was not inattentive. The interior of the dwelling, like its +exterior, was plain, but very substantial and elegant. The servant +handed my card to a lady passing through the hall. + +"Oh, thee is Richard Morton?" she said. "Cousin Ruth and Adah have told +us all about thee. Please come in, for I want to make thy acquaintance. +Adah will be so sorry to miss thee. She has gone out for the evening." + +"If she will permit me," I said, "I will call to-morrow, on my way +downtown, for I wish to see her very much." + +"Do so, by all means. Come whenever thee can, and informally. Thee'll +always find a welcome here." + +Before I was aware I had spent an hour in pleasant chat, for with the +Yocombs as mutual friends we had common interests. + +Mrs. Winfield, my hostess, had all the elegance of Mrs. Bradford; but +there was also a simple, friendly heartiness in her manner that stamped +every word she spoke with sincerity. I was greatly pleased, and felt +that the wealthy banker and his sister could find no fault with Adah's +connections. + +She greeted me the next morning like the sister she had become in very +truth. + +"Oh, Richard!" she exclaimed, "I'm so glad to see thee. Why! thee's so +improved I'd hardly know thee. Seems to me thee's grown taller and +larger every way." + +"I fear I looked rather small sometimes in the country." + +"No, Richard, thee never looked small to me; but when I think what I +was when thee found me, I don't wonder thee went up to thy room in +disgust. I've thought a great deal since that day, and I've read some +too." + +"If you knew how proud of you I am now, it would turn your head." + +"Perhaps it isn't very strong. So thee's going to eat thy Thanksgiving +dinner at home. I shall be well out of the way." + +"You will never be in my way; but perhaps I might have been in +somebody's way had I come earlier last night." + +"I thought thee was blind," she said, an exquisite color coming into +her beautiful face. + +"Never to your interests, Adah. Count on me to the last drop." + +"Oh, Richard, thee has been so kind and helpful to me. Thee'll never +know all that's in my heart. When I think what I was when I first knew +thee, I wonder at it all." + +"Adah," I said, taking her hand, "you have become a genuine woman. The +expression of your face has changed, and it has become a fine example +of the truth, that even beauty follows the law of living growth--from +within outward. Higher thoughts, noble principle, and unselfishness are +making their impress. After our long separation I see the change +distinctly, and I feel it still more. You have won my honest respect, +Adah; I predict for you a happy life, and, what is more, you will make +others happy. People will be the better for being with you." + +"Well, Richard, now that we are brother and sister, I don't mind +telling thee that it was thee who woke me up. I was a fool before thee +came." + +"But the true, sweet woman was in your nature ready to be awakened. +Other causes would soon have produced the same effect." + +"Possibly; but I don't know anything about other causes. I do know +thee, and I trust thee with my whole heart, and I'm going to talk +frankly with thee because I want to ask thy advice. Thee knows how near +to death I came. I've thought a great deal about it. Having come so +near losing life, I began to think what life meant--what it was--and I +was soon made to see how petty and silly my former life had been. My +heart just overflowed with gratitude toward thee. When thee was so ill +I would often lie awake whole nights thinking and trembling lest thee +should die. I felt so strangely, so weak and helpless, that I stretched +out my hands to thee, and thy strong hands caught and sustained me +through that time when I was neither woman nor child. Thee never +humiliated me by even a glance. Thee treated me with a respect that I +did not deserve, but which I want to deserve. I am not strong, like +Emily Warren, but I am trying to do right. Thee changed a blind impulse +into an abiding trust and sisterly affection. Thee may think I'm giving +thee a strange proof of my trust. I am going to tell thee something +that I've not told any one yet. Last evening Gilbert Hearn took me to +see his sister, Mrs. Bradford, and I spent the evening with them and +little Adela. Coming home he asked me to be his wife. I was not so very +greatly surprised, for he spent every First Day in October at our house +while Adela was with us, and he was very attentive to me. Father and +mother don't like it very much, but I think they are a little +prejudiced against him on thy account. I believe thee will tell me the +truth about him." + +"Adah dear, you _have_ honored me greatly. I will advise you just as I +would my own sister. What did you answer him last evening?" + +"I told him that I was a simple country girl, and not suited to be his +wife. Then he said that he had a right to his own views about that. He +said he wanted a genuine wife--one that would love him and his little +girl, and not a society woman, who would marry him for his money." + +"That is exceedingly sensible." + +"Yes, he said he wanted a home, and that he was fond of quiet home +life; that I came of a quiet, sincere people, and that he had seen +enough of me to know that he could trust me. He said also that I could +be both a mother and a companion to Adela, and that the child needed +just such a disposition as I had." + +I laughed as I said, "Mr. Hearn is sagacity itself. Even Solomon could +not act more wisely than he is seeking to act. But what does your heart +say to all this, Adah?" + +Her color deepened, and she averted her face. "Thee will think I'm +dreadfully matter-of-fact, Richard, but I think that perhaps we are +suited to each other. I've thought about it a great deal. As I said +before, my head isn't very strong. I couldn't understand half the +things thee thinks and writes about. I've seen that clearly. He +wouldn't expect a wife to understand his business, and he says he wants +to forget all about it when he comes home. He says he likes a place +full of beauty, repose, and genial light. He likes quiet dinner parties +made up of his business friends, and not literary people like thee. We +haven't got great, inquiring minds like thee and Emily Warren." + +"You are making fun of me now, Adah. I fear Miss Warren has thrown me +over in disgust." + +"Nonsense, Richard. She loves thy little finger more than I am capable +of loving any man. She is strong and intense, and she could go with +thee in thought wherever thee pleases. I'm only Adah." + +"Yes, you are Adah, and the man who has the reputation of having the +best of everything in the city wants you badly, and with good reason. +But I want to know what _you_ want." + +"I want to know what thee thinks of it. I want thee to tell me about +him. Does thee know anything against him?" + +"No, Adah. Even when I feared he would disappoint my dearest hope, I +told your mother that he was an honorable man. He is exceedingly shrewd +in business, but I never heard of his doing anything that was not +square. I think he would make you a very kind, considerate husband, +and, as he says, you could do so much for his little girl. But, rich as +he is, Adah, he is not rich enough for you unless you can truly love +him." + +"I think I can love him in my quiet way. I think I would be happy in +the life I would lead with him. I'm fond of housekeeping, and very fond +of pretty things and of the city, as thee knows. Then I could do so +much for them all at home. Father and mother are growing old. Father +lent money some years ago, and lost it, and he and mother have to work +too hard. I could do so much for them and for Zillah, and that would +make me happy. But I am so simple, and I know so little, that I fear I +can't satisfy him." + +"I have no fear on that score. What I am anxious about is, will he +satisfy you? You can't realize how bent upon your happiness I am." + +"I thank thee, Richard. I was not wrong in coming to thee. Well, I told +him that I wanted to think it all over, and I asked him to do the same. +He said he had fully made up his mind and that his sister heartily +approved of his course, and had advised it. He said that he would wait +for me as long as I pleased. Now if thee thinks it's best, thy words +would have much influence with father and mother." + +I raised her hand to my lips, and said, feelingly: "Adah, I am very +grateful for this confidence. I feel more honored that you should have +come to me than if I had been made Governor. In view of what you have +said, I do think it's best. Mr. Hearn will always be kind and +considerate. He will be very proud of you, and you will grow rapidly in +those qualities that will adorn your high social position. Do not +undervalue yourself. Gilbert Hearn may well thank God for you every day +of his life." + +I went down to the office in a mood to write an interminable +Thanksgiving editorial, for it seemed as if the clouds were all +breaking away. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +THANKSGIVING DAY + + +On the day before Thanksgiving one of my associates clapped me on the +shoulder, and said, laughing: "Morton, what's the matter? You are as +nervous as a girl on her wedding-day. I've spoken to you twice, and +you've not answered. Has one of the dragons got the best of you?" + +I woke up, and said quietly, "It isn't a dragon this time." + +Oh, how vividly that evening comes back to me, as I walked swiftly +uptown! It would have been torture to have ridden in a lumbering stage +or crawling street-car. I scarcely knew what I thrust into my +travelling bag. I had no idea what I ate for dinner, and only remember +that I scalded myself slightly with hot coffee. Calling a coupe, I +dashed off to a late train that passed through the village nearest to +the farmhouse. + +It had been arranged that I should come the following morning, and that +Reuben should meet me, but I proposed to give them a surprise. I could +not wait one moment longer than I must. I had horrible dreams in the +stuffy little room at the village inn, but consoled myself with the +thought that "dreams go by contraries." + +After a breakfast on which mine host cleared two hundred per cent, I +secured a light wagon and driver, and started for the world's one Mecca +for me. My mind was in a tumult of mingled hope and fear, and I +experienced all a young soldier's trepidation when going into his first +battle. If she had not come: if she would not listen to me. The cold +perspiration would start out on my brow at the very thought. What a +mockery Thanksgiving Day would ever become if my hopes were +disappointed. Even now I cannot recall that interminable ride without a +faint awakening of the old unrest. + +When within half a mile of the house I dismissed my driver, and started +on at a tremendous pace; but my steps grew slower and slower, and when +the turn of the road revealed the dear old place just before me, I +leaned against a wall faint and trembling. I marked the spot on which I +had stood when the fiery bolt descended, and some white shingles +indicated the place on the mossy roof where it had burned its way into +the home that even then enshrined my dearest treasures. I saw the +window at which Emily Warren had directed the glance that had sustained +my hope for months. I looked wistfully at the leafless, flowerless +garden, where I had first recognized my Eve. "Will her manner be like +the present aspect of that garden?" I groaned. I saw the arbor in which +I had made my wretched blunder. I had about broken myself of profanity, +but an ugly expression slipped out (I hope the good angel makes +allowances for human nature). Recalling the vow I had made in that +arbor, I snatched up my valise and did not stop till I had mounted the +piazza. Further suspense was unendurable. My approach had been unnoted, +nor had I seen any of the family. Noiselessly as possible I opened the +door and stood within the hallway. I heard Mrs. Yocomb's voice in the +kitchen. Reuben was whistling upstairs, and Zillah singing her doll to +sleep in the dining-room. I took these sounds to be good omens. If she +had not come there would not have been such cheerfulness. + +With silent tread I stole to the parlor door. At my old seat by the +window was Emily Warren, writing on a portfolio in her lap. For a +second a blur came over my vision, and then I devoured her with my eyes +as the famishing would look at food. + +Had she changed? Yes, but only to become tenfold more beautiful, for +her face now had that indescribable charm which suffering, nobly +endured, imparts. I could have knelt to her like a Catholic to his +patron saint. + +She felt my presence, for she looked up quickly. The portfolio dropped +from her lap; she was greatly startled, and instinctively put her hand +to her side; still I thought I saw welcome dawning in her eyes; but at +this moment Zillah sprang into my arms and half smothered me with +kisses. Her cries of delight brought Reuben tearing down the stairs, +and Mrs. Yocomb, hastening from the kitchen, left the mark of her +floury arm on the collar of my coat as she gave me a motherly salute. +Their welcome was so warm, spontaneous, and real that tears came into +my eyes, for I felt that I was no longer a lonely man without kindred. + +But after a moment or two I broke away from them and turned to Miss +Warren, for after all my Thanksgiving Day depended upon her. + +She had become very pale, but her eyes were glistening at the honest +feeling she had witnessed. + +I held out my hand, and asked, in a low voice, "May I stay?" + +"I could not send you away from such friends, Mr. Morton," she said +gently, "even had I the right," and she held out her hand. + +I think I hurt it, for I grasped it as if I were drowning. + +Reuben had raced down to the barn to call his father, who now followed +him back at a pace that scarcely became his age and Quaker tenets. + +"Richard," he called, as soon as he saw me, "welcome home! Thee's been +a long time coming, and yet thee's stolen a march on us after all. +Reuben was just going for thee. How did thee get here? There's no train +so early." + +"Oh, I came last night. A ship's cable couldn't hold me the moment I +could get away." + +"Mother, I think that's quite a compliment to us old people," he began, +with the humorous twinkle that I so well remembered in his honest eyes. +"Has thee seen Adah?" + +"Yes, indeed, and she sent more love than I could carry to you all. She +looked just lovely, and I nearly forgot to go down town that morning." + +Miss Warren was about to leave the room, but the old gentleman caught +her hand and asked: + +"Where is thee going, Emily?" + +"Pardon me; I thought you would all have much to say to Mr. Morton." + +"So we have, to be sure. We won't get half through to-day, but that's +no reason for thy leaving us. We are all one family under this roof, +thank God, and I'm going to thank Him to-day in good old style and no +make-believe;" and he kept her hand as she sat down by him. + +"If you knew how homesick I've often been you would realize how much +good your words do me," she replied gratefully. + +"So thee's been homesick, has thee? Well, thee didn't let us know." + +"What good would it have done? I couldn't come before." + +"Well, I am kind of glad thee was homesick. The missing wasn't all on +our side. Why, Richard, thee never saw such a disconsolate household as +we were after Emily left. I even lost my appetite--didn't I, +mother?--and that's more than I've done for any lady since Ebenezer +Holcomb cut me out of thy company at a picnic--let me see, how many +years ago is it, mother?" + +"Thee doesn't think I remember such foolishness, I hope," said the old +lady; but with a rising color almost pretty as the blush I had seen so +recently on Adah's face. + +Mr. Yocomb leaned back and laughed. "See mother blush," he cried. "Poor +Ebenezer!" + +"Thee'll want more than light nonsense for thy dinner by and by, so I +must go back to the kitchen." + +As she turned away she gave a sweet suggestion of the blushing girl for +whom Ebenezer had sighed in vain, and I said emphatically, "Yes, +indeed, Mr. Yocomb, you may well say 'Poor Ebenezer!' How in the world +did he ever survive it?" + +"Thee's very sympathetic, Richard." + +Miss Warren looked at him threateningly. + +I tried to laugh it off, and said, "Even if he had a millstone for a +heart, it must have broken at such a loss." + +"Oh, don't thee worry. He's a hale and hearty grandfather to-day." + +Miss Warren broke into a laugh that set all my nerves tingling. "Yes," +she cried, "I thought it would end in that way." + +"Why, Emily, bless thee!" said Mrs. Yocomb, running in, "I haven't +heard thee laugh so since thee came." + +"She's at her old tricks," said her husband; "laughing at Richard and +me." + +I found her merriment anything but reassuring, and I muttered under my +breath: "Perdition on Ebenezer and his speedy comfort! I hope she don't +class me with him." + +Very soon Mrs. Yocomb appeared again, and said: "Father, thee must take +them all out to drive. I can't do anything straight while I hear you +all talking and laughing, for my thoughts are with you. I've put salt +into one pie already. A Thanksgiving dinner requires one's whole mind." + +"Bustle, bustle, all get ready. Mother's mistress of this house on +Thanksgiving Day, if at no other time. We're commanded to obey the +'powers that be,' and if the woman who can get up such a dinner as +mother can isn't a 'power,' I'd like to know where we'll find one. I'm +very meek and respectful on Thanksgiving morning. Get on thy wraps, +Emily. No mutiny before dinner." + +She seemed very ready to go, for I think she dreaded being left alone +with me. I, too, was glad to gain time, for I was strangely unnerved +and apprehensive. She avoided meeting my eyes, and was inscrutable. + +In a few moments we were in the family rockaway, bowling over the +country at a grand pace. + +"Mother's shrewd," said Mr. Yocomb; "she knew that a ride like this in +the frosty air would give us an appetite for any kind of a dinner, but +it will make hers taste like the Feast of Tabernacles. Let 'em go, +Reuben, let 'em go!" + +"Do you call this a Quaker pace?" asked Miss Warren, who sat with +Zillah on the back seat. + +"Yes, I'm acting just as I feel moved. Thee's much too slow for a +Friend, Emily. Now I'll wager thee a plum that Richard likes it. +Doesn't thee, Richard?" + +"Suppose a wheel should come off," I suggested. "I'm awfully nervous +to-day. I was sure the train would break down or run off the track last +night; then I had horrible dreams at the hotel." + +"Why, Mr. Morton!" Miss Warren exclaimed, "what did you eat for supper?" + +"Bless me! I don't know. Come to think of it, I didn't have any." + +"Did thee have any breakfast?" asked Mr. Yocomb, who seemed greatly +amused. + +"I believe so. I went through the motions." + +"Drive slow, Reuben; Richard's afraid he'll have his neck broken before +dinner;" and they all had a great laugh at my expense. + +"I've won the plum this time," cried Miss Warren. + +"Thee has indeed, and thee deserves it sure enough." + +I looked around at her, but could not catch her eyes. My efforts to +emulate Mr. Yocomb's spirit were superhuman, but my success was +indifferent. I was too anxious, too doubtful concerning the girl who +was so gentle and yet so strong. She had far more quietude and +self-mastery than I, and with good reason, for she was mistress of the +situation. Still, I gathered hope every hour, for I felt that her face +would not be so happy, so full of brightness, if she proposed to send +me away disappointed, or even put me off on further probation. +Nevertheless, my Thanksgiving Day would not truly begin until my hope +was confirmed. + +Dinner was smoking on the table when we returned, and it was so +exceedingly tempting that I enjoyed its aroma with much of Mr. Yocomb's +satisfaction, and I sat down at his right, feeling that if one question +were settled I would be the most thankful man in the land. + +We bowed our heads in grace; but after a moment Mr. Yocomb arose, and +with uplifted face repeated words that might have been written for the +occasion, so wonderfully adapted to human life is the Book of God. + + "'Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His +holy name. + +"'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: "'Who +forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; + +"'Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with +loving kindness and tender mercies. + +"'Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is +renewed like the eagle's.'" + + Never was there a grace so full of grace before. If a kind earthly +father looks with joy on his happy children, so surely the divine +Father must have smiled upon us. In the depths of my heart I respected +a faith that was so simple, genuine, and full of sunshine. Truly, it +had come from heaven, and not from the dyspeptic creeds of cloistered +theologians. + +"Father," cried Zillah, "thee looked like my picture of King David." + +"Well, I'm in a royal mood," replied her father, "and I don't believe +King David ever had half so good a dinner as mother has provided. Such +a dinner, Richard, is the result of genius. All the cookbooks in the +world couldn't account for it, and I don't believe mother has read one +of them." + +"Thee must give Cynthia part of the credit," protested his wife. + +"She's the woman who says 'Lord a massy,' and insists that I was struck +with lightning, isn't she?" and I glanced toward Miss Warren, but she +wouldn't meet my eye. Her deepening color told of a busy memory, +however. Mr. Yocomb began to laugh so heartily that he dropped his +knife and fork on the table and leaned back in his chair quite overcome. + +"Father, behave thyself," his wife remonstrated. + +At last the old gentleman set to work in good earnest. "Emily," he +said, "this is that innocent young gobbler that thee so commiserated. +Thee hasn't the heart to eat him, surely." + +"I'll take a piece of the breast, if you please." + +"Wouldn't thee like his heart?" + +"No, I thank you." + +"What part would thee like, Richard?" + +"Anything but his wings and legs. They would remind me how soon I must +go back to awful New York." + +"Not before Second Day." + +"Yes, sir, to-morrow morning. An editor's play-spells are few and far +between." + +"Well, Richard, thee thrives on work," said Mrs. Yocomb. + +"Yes. I've found it good for me." + +"And you have done good work, Mr. Morton," added Miss Warren. "I like +your paper far better now." + +"But you stopped it." + +"Did you find that out?" + +"Indeed I did, and very quickly." + +"My cousin, Mrs. Vining, took the paper." + +"Yes, I know that, too." + +"Why, Mr. Morton! do you keep track of all your readers? The +circulation of your paper cannot be large." + +"I looked after Mrs. Vining carefully, but no further." + +"I shall certainly tell her of your interest," she said, with her old +mirthful gleam. + +"Please do. The people at the office would be agape with wonder if they +knew of the influence resulting from Mrs. Vining's name being on the +subscription list." + +"Not a disastrous influence, I trust?" + +"It has occasioned us some hot work. My chief says that nearly all the +dragons in the country are stirred up." + +"And some of them have been sorely wounded-I've noted that too," said +the girl, flushing with pleasure in spite of herself. + +"Yes, please tell Mrs. Vining that also. Credit should be given where +it's due." + +Her laugh now rang out with its old-time genuineness. "Cousin Adelaide +would be more agape than the people of your office. I think the dragons +owe their tribulations to your disposition to fight them." + +"If you could see some words in illuminated text over my desk you would +know better." + +"Mr. Yocomb, don't you think we are going to have an early winter?" she +asked abruptly, with a fine color in her face. + +"I don't think it's going to be cold--not very cold, Emily. There are +prospects of a thaw to-day;" and the old gentleman leaned back in his +chair and shook with suppressed merriment. + +"Father, behave thyself. Was there ever such a man!" Mrs. Yocomb +exclaimed reproachfully. + +"I know you think there never was and never will be, Mrs. Yocomb," I +cried, controlling myself with difficulty, for the old gentleman's +manner was irresistibly droll and instead of the pallor that used to +make my heart ache, Miss Warren's face was like a carnation rose. My +hope grew apace, for her threatening looks at Mr. Yocomb contained no +trace of pain or deep annoyance, while the embarrassment she could not +hide so enhanced her loveliness that it was a heavy cross to withhold +my eager eyes. Reuben kindly came to our relief, for he said: + +"I tell thee what it is, mother: I feel as if we ought to have Dapple +in here with us." + +"Emily, wouldn't thee rather have Old Plod?" Mr. Yocomb asked. + +"No!" she replied brusquely; and this set her kind tormentor off once +more. + +But an earnest look soon came into his face, and he said, with eyes +moist with feeling: + +"Well, this is a time of thanksgiving, and never before in all my life +has my heart seemed so full of gladness and gratitude. Richard, I crept +in this old home when I was a baby, and I whistled through the house +just as Reuben does. In this very room my dear old father trimmed my +jacket for me, God bless him! Oh, I deserved it richly; but mother's +sorrowful looks cut deeper, I can tell thee. It was to this home I +brought the prettiest lass in the county--what am I saying?--the +prettiest lass in the world. No offence to thee, Emily; thee wasn't +alive then. If every man had such a home as thee has made for me and +the children, mother, the millennium would begin before next +Thanksgiving. In this house my children were born, and here they have +played. I've seen their happy faces in every nook and corner, and with +everything I have a dear association. In this home we bade good-by to +our dear little Ruth; she's ours still, mother, and she is at home, +too, as we are; but everything in this house that our little angel +child touched has become sacred to me. Ah, Richard, there are some +things in life that thee hasn't learned yet, and all the books couldn't +teach thee; but what I have said to thee reveals a little of my love +for this old home. How I love those whom God has given me, only He +knows. Well, He directed thy random steps to us one day last June, and +we welcomed thee as a stranger. But thee has a different welcome +to-day, Richard--a very different welcome. Thee doesn't like to hear +about it; but we never forget." + +"No, Richard, we never forget," Mrs. Yocomb breathed softly. + +"Do you think, sir, that I forget the unquestioning hospitality that +brought me here? Can you think, Mrs. Yocomb, I ever forget the words +you spoke to me in yonder parlor on the evening of my arrival? or that +I should have died but for your devoted and merciful care? This day, +with its hopes, teaches me how immeasurable would have been my loss, +for my prospects then were not bright for either world. Rest assured, +dear friends, I have my memories too. The service I rendered you any +man would have given, and it was my unspeakable good-fortune to be +here. But the favors which I have received have been royal; they are +such as I could not receive from others, because others would be +incapable of bestowing them." + +"You are right, Mr. Morton," Miss Warren began impetuously, her lovely +eyes full of tears. "I, too, have received kindnesses that could not +come from others, because others would not know how to confer them with +your gentleness and mercy, Mrs. Yocomb. Oh! oh! I wish I could make you +and your husband know how I thank you. I, too, never forget. But if we +talk this way any more, I shall have to make a hasty retreat." "Well, I +should say this _was_ a thanksgiving dinner," remarked Reuben +sententiously. + +Since we couldn't cry, we all laughed, and I thanked the boy for +letting us down so cleverly. The deep feeling that memories would evoke +in spite of ourselves sank back into the depths of our hearts. The +shadow on our faces passed like an April cloud, and the sunshine became +all the sweeter and brighter. + +"If Adah were only here!" I cried. "I miss her more and more every +moment, and the occasion seems wholly incomplete without her." + +"Yes, dear child, I miss her too, more than I can tell you," said Mrs. +Yocomb, her eyes growing very tender and wistful. "She's thinking of +us. Doesn't thee think she has improved? She used to read those +magazines thee sent her till I had to take them away and send her to +bed." + +"I can't tell you how proud I am of Adah. It was like a June day to see +her fair sweet face in the city, and it would have had done your hearts +good if you could have heard how she spoke of you all." + +"Adah is very proud of her big brother, too, I can tell thee. She +quotes thy opinions on all occasions." + +"The one regret of my visit is that I shall not see her," Miss Warren +said earnestly. "Mrs. Yocomb, I have those roses she gave me the day +before I left you last summer, and I shall always keep them. I told +Cousin Adelaide that they were given to me by the best and most +beautiful girl in the world." + +"God bless the girl!" ejaculated Mr. Yocomb; "she has become a great +comfort and joy to me;" and his wife smiled softly and tenderly. + +"Adah is so good to me," cried Zillah, "that if Emily hadn't come I +wouldn't have half enjoyed the day." + +"What does thee think of that view of the occasion, Richard?" asked Mr. +Yocomb. + +"Zillah and I always agreed well together," I said; "but I wish Adah +knew how much we miss her." + +"She shall know," said her mother. "I truly wish we had all of our +children with us to-day; for, Richard, we have adopted thee and Emily +without asking your consent. I think the lightning fused us all +together." + +I looked with a quick flash toward Miss Warren, but her eyes were on +the mother, and they were full of a daughter's love. + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I replied, in a voice not over-steady, "you know +that as far as fusing was concerned I was the worst struck of you all, +and this day proves that I am no longer without kindred." + +But how vain the effort to reproduce the light and shade that filled +the quaint, simple room! How vain the attempt to make the myriad +ripples of that hour flow and sparkle again, each one of us meanwhile +conscious of the depths beneath them! + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +RIPPLES ON DEEP WATER + + +After dinner was over, Reuben cried, "Come, Zillah, I'm going out with +Dapple, and I'll give thee a ride that'll settle thy dinner. Emily, +thee hasn't petted Dapple to-day. Thee's very forgetful of one of thy +best friends." + +"Do you know," said Miss Warren to me as we followed the boy, "Reuben +sent Dapple's love to me every time he wrote?" + +"It's just what Dapple would have done himself if he could. Did you +refuse to receive it?" + +"No, indeed. Why should I?" + +"Oh, I'm not jealous; only I can't help thinking that the horse had +greater privileges than I." + +She bit her lip, and her color deepened, but instead of answering she +tripped away from me toward the barn. Dapple came prancing out, and +whinnied as soon as he saw her. + +"Oh, he knows thee as well as I do," said Reuben. "He thinks thee's a +jolly good girl. Thee's kind of cut me out; but I owe thee no grudge. +See how he'll come to thee now," and sure enough, the horse came and +put his nose in her hand, where he found a lump of sugar. + +"I won't give you fine words only, Dapple," she said, and the beautiful +animal's spirited eyes grew mild and gentle as if he understood her +perfectly. + +"Heaven grant that she gives me more than words!" I muttered. + +While Reuben was harnessing Dapple, Miss Warren entered the barn, +saying: + +"I feel a little remorseful over my treatment of Old Plod, and think I +will go and speak to him." + +"May I be present at the interview?" + +"Certainly." + +Either the old horse had grown duller and heavier than ever, or else +was offended by her long neglect, for he paid her but little attention, +and kept his head down in his manger. + +"Dapple would not treat you like that, even if you hadn't a lump of +sugar in your hand." + +"Dapple is peculiar," she remarked. + +"Do you mean a little ill-balanced? He was certainly very precipitate +on one occasion." + +"Yes, but he had the grace to stop before he did any harm." + +"But suppose he couldn't stop? Did Old Plod give you any more advice?" + +"Mr. Morton, you must cub your editorial habit of inquiring into +everything. Am I a dragon?" + +"I fear you more than all the dragons put together." + +"Then you are a brave man to stay." + +"Not at all. To run away would be worse than death." + +"What an awful dilemma you are in! It seems to me, however, the coolest +veteran in the land could not have made a better dinner while in such +peril." + +"I had scarcely eaten anything since yesterday morning. Moreover, I was +loyally bound to compliment Mrs. Yocomb's efforts in the only way that +would have satisfied her." + +"That reminds me that I ought to go and help Mrs. Yocomb clear away the +vast debris of such a dinner." + +"Miss Warren, I have only this afternoon and evening." + +"Truly, Mr. Morton, the pathos in your tones would move a post" + +"But will it move you? That's the question that concerns me. Will you +take a walk with me?" + +"Indeed, I think I must go now, if I would not be thought more +insensible than a post. Wait till I put on more wraps, and do you get +your overcoat, sir, or you will take cold." + +"Yes, I'm awfully afraid I shall be chilled, and the overcoat wouldn't +help me. Nevertheless, I'll do your bidding in this, as in all +respects." + +"What a lamblike frame of mind!" she cried; but her step up the piazza +was light and quick. + +"She could not so play with me if she meant to be cruel, for she has +not a feline trait," I murmured, as I pulled on my ulster. "This genial +day has been my ally, and she has not the heart to embitter it. So far +from finding 'other interests,' she must have seen that time has +intensified the one chief interest of my life. Oh, it would be like +death to be sent away again. How beautiful she has become in her +renewed health! Her great spiritual eyes make me more conscious of the +woman-angel within her than of a flesh-and-blood girl. Human she is +indeed, but never of the earth, earthy. Even when I take her hand, now +again so plump and pretty, I feel the exquisite thrill of her life +within. It's like touching a spirit, were such a thing possible. I +crushed her hand this morning, brute that I was! It's been red all day. +Well, Heaven speed me now!" + +"What! talking to yourself again, Mr. Morton?" asked Miss Warren, +suddenly appearing, and looking anything but spirit-like, with her rich +color and substantial wraps. + +"It's a habit of lonely people," I said. + +"The idea of a man being lonely among such crowds as you must meet!" + +"I have yet to learn that a crowd makes company." + +"Wouldn't you like to ask Mr. Yocomb to go with us?" + +"No," I replied, very brusquely. + +"I fear your lamblike mood is passing away." + +"Not at all. Moreover, I'm a victim of remorse--I hurt your hand this +morning." + +"Yes, you did." + +"I've hurt you a great many times." + +"I'm alive, thank you, and have had a good dinner." + +"Yes, you are very much alive. Are you very amiable after dinner?" + +"No; that's a trait belonging to men alone. I now understand your +lamblike mood. But where are you going, Mr. Morton? You are walking at +random, and have brought up against the barn." + +"Oh, I see. Wouldn't you like to visit Old Plod again?" + +"No, I thank you; he has forgotten me." + +"By the way, we are friends, are we not, and can be very confidential?" + +"If you have any doubt, you had better be prudent and reticent." + +"I wish I could find some sweetbrier; I'd give you the whole bush." + +"Do you think I deserve a thorny experience?" + +"You know what I think. When was there an hour when you did not look +through me as if I were glass. But we are confidential friends, are we +not?" + +"Well, for the sake of argument we may imagine ourselves such." + +"To be logical, then, I must tell you something of which I have not yet +spoken to any one. I called on Adah the evening I learned she was in +town, and I saw her enter an elegant coupe driven by a coachman in +stunning livery. A millionaire of your acquaintance accompanied her." + +"What!" she exclaimed, her face becoming fairly radiant. + +I nodded very significantly. + +"For shame, Mr. Morton! What a gossip you are!" but her laugh rang out +like a chime of silver bells. + +At that moment Mr. Yocomb appeared on the piazza, and he applauded +loudly, "Good for thee, Emily," he cried, "that sounds like old times." + +"Come away, quick," I said, and I strode rapidly around the barn. + +"Do you expect me to keep up with you?" she asked, stopping short and +looking so piquant and tempting that I rejoined her instantly. + +"I'll go as slow as you please. I'll do anything under heaven you bid +me." + +"You treat Mr. Yocomb very shabbily." + +"You won't make me go after him, will you?" + +"Why, Mr. Morton? What base ingratitude and after such a dinner, too." + +"You know how ill-balanced I am." + +"I fear you are growing worse and worse." + +"I am, indeed. Left to myself, I should be the most unbalanced man in +the world." + +"Mr. Morton, your mind is clearly unsettled. I detected the truth the +first day I saw you." + +"No, my mind, such as it is, is made up irrevocably and forever. I must +tell you that I can't afford to keep a coupe." + +"There is a beautiful sequence in your remarks. Then you ought not to +keep one. But why complain. There are always omnibuses within call." + +"Are you fond of riding in an omnibus?" + +"What an irrelevant question! Suppose I followed your example, and ask +what you think of the Copernican system?" "You can't be ill-balanced if +you try, and your question is not in the least irrelevant. The +Copernican system is true, and illustrates my position exactly. There +is a heavenly body, radiant with light and beauty, that attracts me +irresistibly. The moment I came within her influence my orbit was +fixed." + +"Isn't your orbit a little eccentric?" she asked, with averted face. +"Still your figure may be very apt. Another body of greater attraction +would carry you off into space." + +"There is no such body in existence." + +"Mr. Morton, we were talking about omnibuses." + +"And you have not answered my question." + +"Since we are such confidential friends, I will tell you a profound +secret. I prefer street cars to omnibuses, and would much rather ride +in one than in a carriage that I could not pay for." + +"Well, now, that's sensible." + +"Yes, quite matter-of-fact. Where are you going, Mr. Morton?" + +"Wherever you wish--even to Columbus." + +"What! run away from your work and duty? Where is your conscience?" + +"Where my heart is." + +"Oh, both are in Columbus. I should think it inconvenient to have them +so far off." + +I tried to look in her eyes, but she turned them away. + +"I can prove that my conscience was in Columbus; I consulted you on +every question I discussed in the paper." + +"Nonsense! you never wrote me a line." + +"I was enjoined not to in a way that made my blood run cold. But I +thought Mrs. Vining's opinions might be influenced by a member of her +family, and I never wrote a line unmindful of that influence." + +Again her laugh rang out. "I should call the place where you wrote the +Circumlocution Office. Well, to keep up your way of doing things, that +member of the family read most critically all you wrote." + +"How could you tell my work from that of others?" + +"Oh, I could tell every line from your hand as if spoken to me." + +"Well, fair critic?" + +"Never compliment a critic. It makes them more severe." + +"I could do so much better if you were in New York." + +"What! Do you expect me to go into the newspaper business?" + +"You are in it now--you are guiding me. You are the inspiration of my +best work, and you know it." + +We had now reached a point where the lane wound through a hemlock +grove. My hope was glad and strong, but I resolved at once to remove +all shadow of fear, and I shrank from further probation. Therefore I +stopped decisively, and said in a voice that faltered not a little: + +"Emily, our light words are but ripples that cover depths which in my +case reach down through life and beyond it. You are my fate. I knew it +the day I first met you. I know it now with absolute conviction." + +She turned a little away from me and trembled. + +"Do you remember this?" I asked, and I took from my pocketbook the +withered York and Lancaster rosebud. + +She gave it a dark glance, and her crimson face grew pale. + +"Too well," she replied, in a low tone. + +I threw it down and ground it under my heel; then, removing my hat, I +said: + +"I am at your mercy. You are the stronger, and your foot is on my neck." + +She turned on me instantly, and her face was aflame with her eager +imperious demand to know the truth. Taking both my hands in a tense, +strong grasp, she looked into my eyes as if she would read my very +soul. "Richard," she said, in a voice that was half entreaty, half +command, "in God's name, tell me the truth--the whole truth. Do you +respect me at heart? Do you trust me? Can you trust me as Mr. Yocomb +trusts his wife?" + +"I will make no comparisons," I replied, gently. "Like the widow in the +Bible, I give you all I have." + +Her tense grasp relaxed, her searching eyes melted into love itself, +and I snatched her to my heart. + +"What were the millions I lost compared with this dowry!" she murmured. +"I knew it--I've known it all day, ever since you crushed my hand. Oh, +Richard, your rude touch healed a sore heart." + +"Emily," I said, with a low laugh, "that June day was the day of fate +after all." + +"It was, indeed. I wish I could make you know how gladly I accept mine. +Oh, Richard, I nearly killed myself trying not to love you. It was +fate, or something better." + +"Then suppose we change the figure, and say our match was made in +heaven." + +I will not attempt to describe that evening at the farmhouse. We were +made to feel that it was our own dear home--a safe, quiet haven ever +open to us when we wished to escape from the turmoil of the world. I +thank God for our friends there, and their unchanging truth. + +I accompanied Emily to Columbus, but I went after her again in the +spring and for a time she made her home with Mrs. Yocomb. + +Adah was married at Mrs. Winfield's large city mansion, for Mr. Hearn +had a host of relatives and friends whom he wished present. The +farmhouse would not have held a tithe of them, and the banker was so +proud of his fair country flower that he seemed to want the whole world +to see her. + +We were married on the anniversary of the day of our fate, and in the +old garden where I first saw my Eve, my truth. She has never tempted me +to aught save good deeds and brave work. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Day of Fate, by E. P. 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Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: A Day Of Fate + +Author: E. P. Roe + +Release Date: July, 2004 [EBook #6113] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on November 11, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A DAY OF FATE *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +[Illustration: "SHE FELT MY PRESENCE AND LOOKED UP QUICKLY."] + +The Works of E. P. Roe + +_VOLUME FOURTEEN_ + +A DAY OF FATE + +_ILLUSTRATED_ + +1880 + + +PREFACE + +"Some shallow story of deep love." + +--Shakespeare + + + + +CONTENTS + +_BOOK FIRST_ + +CHAPTER I +AIMLESS STEPS + +CHAPTER II +A JUNE DAY DREAM + +CHAPTER III +A SHINING TIDE + +CHAPTER IV +REALITY + +CHAPTER V +MUTUAL DISCOVERIES + +CHAPTER VI +A QUAKER TEA + +CHAPTER VII +A FRIEND + +CHAPTER VIII +THE MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES + +CHAPTER IX +"OLD PLOD" + +CHAPTER X +A BIT OF EDEN + +CHAPTER XI +"MOVED" + +CHAPTER XII +ONE OF NATURE'S TRAGEDIES + +CHAPTER XIII +THE LIGHTNING AND A SUBTLER FLAME + +CHAPTER XIV +KINDLING A SPARK OF LIFE + +CHAPTER XV +MY FATE + + +_BOOK SECOND_ + +CHAPTER I +THE DAY AFTER + +CHAPTER II +"IT WAS INEVITABLE" + +CHAPTER III +RETURNING CONSCIOUSNESS + +CHAPTER IV +IN THE DARK + +CHAPTER V +A FLASH OF MEMORY + +CHAPTER VI +WEAKNESS + +CHAPTER VII +OLD PLOD IDEALIZED + +CHAPTER VIII +AN IMPULSE + +CHAPTER IX +A WRETCHED FAILURE + +CHAPTER X +IN THE DEPTHS + +CHAPTER XI +POOR ACTING + +CHAPTER XII +THE HOPE OP A HIDDEN TREASURE + +CHAPTER XIII +THE OLD MEETING-HOUSE AGAIN + +CHAPTER XIV +LOVE TEACHING ETHICS + +CHAPTER XV +DON'T THINK OF ME + +CHAPTER XVI +"RICHARD" + +CHAPTER XVII +MY WORST BLUNDER + +CHAPTER XVIII +MRS. YOCOMB'S LETTERS + +CHAPTER XIX +ADAH + +CHAPTER XX +THANKSGIVING DAY + +CHAPTER XXI +RIPPLES ON DEEP WATER + + + + +_BOOK FIRST_ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +AIMLESS STEPS + + +"Another month's work will knock Morton into 'pi,'" was a remark that +caught my ear as I fumed from the composing-room back to my private +office. I had just irately blamed a printer for a blunder of my own, +and the words I overheard reminded me of the unpleasant truth that I +had recently made a great many senseless blunders, over which I chafed +in merciless self-condemnation. For weeks and months my mind had been +tense under the strain of increasing work and responsibility. It was +my nature to become absorbed in my tasks, and, as night editor of a +prominent city journal, I found a limitless field for labor. It was +true I could have jogged along under the heavy burden with +comparatively little wear and loss, but, impelled by both temperament +and ambition, I was trying to maintain a racer's speed. From casual +employment as a reporter I had worked my way up to my present +position, and the tireless activity and alertness required to win and +hold such a place was seemingly degenerating into a nervous +restlessness which permitted no repose of mind or rest of body. I +worked when other men slept, but, instead of availing myself of the +right to sleep when the world was awake, I yielded to an increasing +tendency to wakefulness, and read that I might be informed on the +endless variety of subjects occupying public attention. The globe was +becoming a vast hunting-ground, around which my thoughts ranged almost +unceasingly that I might capture something new, striking, or original +for the benefit of our paper. Each day the quest had grown more eager, +and as the hour for going to press approached I would even become +feverish in my intense desire to send the paper out with a breezy, +newsy aspect, and would be elated if, at the last moment, material was +flashed in that would warrant startling head-lines, and +correspondingly depressed if the weary old world had a few hours of +quiet and peace. To make the paper "go," every faculty I possessed was +in the harness. + +The aside I had just overheard suggested, at least, one very probable +result. In printer's jargon, I would soon be in "pi." + +The remark, combined with my stupid blunder, for which I had blamed an +innocent man, caused me to pull up and ask myself whither I was +hurrying so breathlessly. Saying to my assistant that I did not wish +to be disturbed for a half hour, unless it was essential, I went to my +little inner room. I wished to take a mental inventory of myself, and +see how much was left. Hitherto I had been on the keen run--a +condition not favorable to introspection. + +Neither my temperament nor the school in which I had been trained +inclined me to slow, deliberate processes of reasoning. I looked my +own case over as I might that of some brother-editors whose journals +were draining them of life, and whose obituaries I shall probably +write if I survive them. Reason and Conscience, now that I gave them a +chance, began to take me to task severely. + +"You are a blundering fool," said Reason, "and the man in the +composing-room is right. You are chafing over petty blunders while +ignoring the fact that your whole present life is a blunder, and the +adequate reason why your faculties are becoming untrustworthy. Each +day you grow more nervously anxious to have everything correct, giving +your mind to endless details, and your powers are beginning to snap +like the overstrained strings of a violin. At this rate you will soon +spend yourself and all there is of you." + +Then Conscience, like an irate judge on the bench, arraigned me. "You +are a heathen, and your paper is your car of Juggernaut. You are +ceasing to be a man and becoming merely an editor--no, not even an +editor--a newsmonger, one of the world's gossips. You are an Athenian +only as you wish to hear and tell some new thing. Long ears are +becoming the appropriate symbols of your being. You are too hurried, +too eager for temporary success, too taken up with details, to form +calm, philosophical opinions of the great events of your time, and +thus be able to shape men's opinions. You commenced as a reporter, and +are a reporter still. You pride yourself that you are not narrow, +unconscious of the truth that you are spreading yourself thinly over +the mere surface of affairs. You have little comprehension of the +deeper forces and motives of humanity." + +It is true that I might have pleaded in extenuation of these rather +severe judgments that I was somewhat alone in the world, living in +bachelor apartments, without the redeeming influences of home and +family life. There were none whose love gave them the right or the +motive to lay a restraining hand upon me, and my associates in labor +were more inclined to applaud my zeal than to curb it. Thus it had +been left to the casual remark of a nameless printer and an instance +of my own failing powers to break the spell that ambition and habit +were weaving. + +Before the half hour elapsed I felt weak and ill. The moment I relaxed +the tension and will-power which I had maintained so long, strong +reaction set in. Apparently I had about reached the limits of +endurance. I felt as if I were growing old and feeble by minutes as +one might by years. Taking my hat and coat I passed out, remarking to +my assistant that he must do the best he could--that I was ill and +would not return. If the Journal had never appeared again I could not +then have written a line to save it, or read another proof. + +Saturday morning found me feverish, unrefreshed, and more painfully +conscious than ever that I was becoming little better than the presses +on which the paper was printed. Depression inevitably follows +weariness and exhaustion, and one could scarcely take a more gloomy +view of himself than I did. + +"I will escape from this city as if it were Sodom," I muttered, "and a +June day in the country will reveal whether I have a soul for anything +beyond the wrangle of politics and the world's gossip." + +In my despondency I was inclined to be reckless, and after merely +writing a brief note to my editorial chief, saying that I had broken +down and was going to the country, I started almost at random. After a +few hours' riding I wearied of the cars, and left them at a small +village whose name I did not care to inquire. The mountains and +scenery pleased me, although the day was overcast like my mind and +fortunes. Having found a quiet inn and gone through the form of a +dinner, I sat down on the porch in dreary apathy. + +The afternoon aspect of the village street seemed as dull and devoid +of interest as my own life at that hour, and in fancy I saw myself, a +broken-down man, lounging away days that would be like eternities, +going through my little round like a bit of driftwood, slowly circling +in an eddy of the world's great current. With lack-lustre eyes I +"looked up to the hills," but no "help" came from them. The air was +close, the sky leaden; even the birds would not sing. Why had I come +to the country? It had no voices for me, and I resolved to return to +the city. But while I waited my eyes grew heavy with the blessed power +to sleep--a boon, for which I then felt that I would travel to the +Ultima Thule. Leaving orders that I should not be disturbed, I went to +my room, and Nature took the tired man, as if he were a weary child, +into her arms. + +At last I imagined that I was at the Academy of Music, and that the +orchestra were tuning their instruments for the overture. A louder +strain than usual caused me to start up, and I saw through the open +window a robin on a maple bough, with its tuneful throat swelled to +the utmost. This was the leader of my orchestra, and the whole country +was alive with musicians, each one giving out his own notes without +any regard for the others, but apparently the score had been written +for them all, since the innumerable strains made one divine harmony. +From the full-orbed song from the maple by my window, down to the +faintest chirp and twitter, there was no discord; while from the +fields beyond the village the whistle of the meadow-larks was so +mellowed and softened by distance as to incline one to wonder whether +their notes were real or mere ideals of sound. + +For a long time I was serenely content to listen to the myriad-voiced +chords without thinking of the past or future. At last I found myself +idly querying whether Nature did not so blend all out-of-door sounds +as to make them agreeable, when suddenly a catbird broke the spell of +harmony by its flat, discordant note. Instead of my wonted irritation +at anything that jarred upon my nerves, I laughed as I sprang up, +saying, + +"That cry reminds me that I am in the body and in the same old world. +That bird is near akin to the croaking printer." + +But my cynicism was now more assumed than real, and I began to wonder +at myself. The change of air and scene had seemingly broken a malign +influence, and sleep--that for weeks had almost forsaken me--had +yielded its deep refreshment for fifteen hours. Besides, I had not +sinned against my life so many years as to have destroyed the +elasticity of early manhood. When I had lain down to rest I had felt +myself to be a weary, broken, aged man. Had I, in my dreams, +discovered the Fountain of Youth, and unconsciously bathed in it? In +my rebound toward health of mind and body I seemed to have realized +what the old Spaniard vainly hoped for. + +I dressed in haste, eager to be out in the early June sunshine. There +had been a shower in the night, and the air had a fine exhilarating +quality, in contrast with the close sultriness of the previous +afternoon. + +Instead of nibbling at breakfast while I devoured the morning dailies, +I ate a substantial meal, and only thought of papers to bless their +absence, and then walked down the village street with the quick glad +tread of one whose hope and zest in life have been renewed. Fragrant +June roses were opening on every side, and it appeared to me that all +the sin of man could not make the world offensive to heaven that +morning. + +I wished that some of the villagers whom I met were more in accord +with Nature's mood; but in view of my own shortcomings, and still more +because of my fine physical condition, I was disposed toward a large +charity. And yet I could not help wondering how some that I saw could +walk among their roses and still look so glum and matter-of-fact. I +felt as if I could kiss every velvet petal. + +"You were unjust," I charged back on Conscience; "this morning proves +that I am not an ingrained newsmonger. There is still man enough left +within me to revive at Nature's touch;" and I exultantly quickened my +steps, until I had left the village miles away. + +Before the morning was half gone I learned how much of my old vigor +had ebbed, for I was growing weary early in the day. Therefore I +paused before a small gray building, old and weather-stained, that +seemed neither a barn, nor a dwelling, nor a school-house. A man was +in the act of unlocking the door, and his garb suggested that it might +be a Friends' meeting-house. Yielding to an idle curiosity I mounted a +stone wall at a point where I was shaded and partially screened by a +tree, and watched and waited, beguiling the time with a branch of +sweetbriar that hung over my resting-place. + +Soon strong open wagons and rockaways began to appear drawn by sleek, +plump horses that often, seemingly, were gayer than their drivers. +Still there was nothing sour in the aspect or austere in the garb of +the people. Their quiet appearance took my fancy amazingly, and the +peach-like bloom on the cheeks of even well-advanced matrons suggested +a serene and quiet life. + +"These are the people of all others with whom I would like to worship +to-day," I thought; "and I hope that that rotund old lady, whose face +beams under the shadow of her deep bonnet like a harvest moon through +a fleecy cloud, will feel moved to speak." I plucked a few buds from +the sweet-briar bush, fastened them in my button-hole, and promptly +followed the old lady into the meeting-house. Having found a vacant +pew I sat down, and looked around with serene content. But I soon +observed that something was amiss, for the men folk looked at each +other and then at me. At last an elderly and substantial Friend, with +a face so flushed and round as to suggest a Baldwin apple, arose and +creaked with painful distinctness to where I was innocently infringing +on one of their customs. + +"If thee will follow me, friend," he said, "I'll give thee a seat with +the men folks. Thee's welcome, and thee'll feel more at home to follow +our ways." + +His cordial grasp of my hand would have disarmed suspicion itself, and +I followed him meekly. In my embarrassment and desire to show that I +had no wish to appear forward, I persisted in taking a side seat next +to the wall, and quite near the door; for my guide, in order to show +his goodwill and to atone for what might seem rudeness, was bent on +marshalling me almost up to the high seats that faced the +congregation, where sat my rubicund old Friend lady, whose aspect +betokened that she had just the Gospel message I needed. + +I at once noted that these staid and decorous people looked straight +before them in an attitude of quiet expectancy. A few little children +turned on me their round, curious eyes, but no one else stared at the +blundering stranger, whose modish coat, with a sprig of wild roses in +its buttonhole, made him rather a conspicuous contrast to the other +men folk, and I thought-- + +"Here certainly is an example of good-breeding which could scarcely be +found among other Christians. If one of these Friends should appear in +the most fashionable church on the Avenue, he would be well stared at, +but here even the children are receiving admonitory nudges not to look +at me." + +I soon felt that it was not the thing to be the only one who was +irreverently looking around, and my good-fortune soon supplied ample +motive for looking steadily in one direction. The reader may justly +think that I should have composed my mind to meditation on my many +sins, but I might as well have tried to gather in my hands the reins +of all the wild horses of Arabia as to curb and manage my errant +thoughts. My only chance was for some one or something to catch and +hold them for me. If that old Friend lady would preach I was sure she +would do me good. As it was, her face was an antidote to the +influences of the world in which I dwelt, but I soon began to dream +that I had found a still better remedy, for, at a fortunate angle from +my position, there sat a young Quakeress whose side face arrested my +attention and held it. By leaning a little against the wall as well as +the back of my bench, I also, well content, could look straight before +me like the others. + +The fair profile was but slightly hidden by a hat that had a +perceptible leaning toward the world in its character, but the brow +was only made to seem a little lower, and her eyes deepened in their +blue by its shadow. My sweet-briar blossoms were not more delicate in +their pink shadings than was the bloom on her rounded cheek, and the +white, firm chin denoted an absence of weakness and frivolity. The +upper lip, from where I sat, seemed one half of Cupid's bow. I could +but barely catch a glimpse of a ripple of hair that, perhaps, had not +been smoothed with sufficient pains, and thus seemed in league with +the slightly worldly bonnet. In brief, to my kindled fancy, her youth +and loveliness appeared the exquisite human embodiment of the June +morning, with its alternations of sunshine and shadow, its roses and +their fragrance, of its abounding yet untarnished and beautiful life. + +No one in the meeting seemed moved save myself, but I felt as if I +could become a poet, a painter, and even a lover, under the +inspiration of that perfect profile. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +A JUNE DAY-DREAM + + +Moment after moment passed, but we all sat silent and motionless. +Through the open windows came a low, sweet monotone of the wind from +the shadowing maples, sometimes swelling into a great depth of sound, +and again dying to a whisper, and the effect seemed finer than that of +the most skilfully touched organ. Occasionally an irascible humble-bee +would dart in, and, after a moment of motionless poise, would dart out +again, as if in angry disdain of the quiet people. In its irate hum +and sudden dartings I saw my own irritable fuming and nervous +activity, and I blessed the Friends and their silent meeting. I +blessed the fair June face, that was as far removed from the seething +turmoil of my world as the rosebuds under her home-windows. + +Surely I had drifted out of the storm into the very haven of rest and +peace, and yet one might justly dread lest the beauty which bound my +eyes every moment in a stronger fascination should evoke an unrest +from which there might be no haven. Young men, however, rarely shrink +from such perils, and I was no more prudent than my fellows. Indeed, I +was inclining toward the fancy that this June day was the day of +destiny with me; and if such a creature were the remedy for my +misshapen life it would be bliss to take it. + +In our sweet silence, broken only by the voice of the wind, the +twitter of birds beguiling perhaps with pretty nonsense the hours that +would otherwise seem long to their brooding mates on the nests, and +the hum of insects, my fancy began to create a future for the fair +stranger--a future, rest assured, that did not leave the dreamer a +calm and disinterested observer. + +"This day," I said mentally, "proves that there is a kindly and +superintending Providence, and men are often led, like children in the +dark, to just the thing they want. The wisdom of Solomon could not +have led me to a place more suited to my taste and need than have my +blind, aimless steps; and before me are possibilities which suggest +the vista through which Eve was led to Adam." + +My constant contact with men who were keen, self-seeking, and often +unscrupulous, inclined me toward cynicism and suspicion. My editorial +life made me an Arab in a sense, for if there were occasion, my hand +might be against any man, if not every man. I certainly received many +merciless blows, and I was learning to return them with increasing +zest. My column in the paper was often a tilting-ground, and whether +or no I inflicted wounds that amounted to much, I received some that +long rankled. A home such as yonder woman might make would be a better +solace than newspaper files. Such lips as these might easily draw the +poison from any wound the world could make. Wintry firelight would be +more genial than even June sunlight, if her eyes would reflect in into +mine. With such companionship, all the Gradgrinds in existence would +prose in vain; life would never lose its ideality, nor the world +become a mere combination of things. Her woman's fancy would embroider +my man's reason and make it beautiful, while not taking from its +strength. Idiot that I was, in imagining that I alone could achieve +success! Inevitably I could make but a half success, since the finer +feminine element would be wanting. Do I wish men only to read our +paper? Am I a Turk, holding the doctrine that women have no souls, no +minds? The shade of my mother forbid! Then how was I, a man, to +interpret the world to women? Truly, I had been an owl of the night, +and blind to the honest light of truth when I yielded to the counsel +of ambition, that I had no time for courtship and marriage. In my +stupid haste I would try to grope my way through subjects beyond a +man's ken, rather than seek some such guide as yonder maiden, whose +intuitions would be unerring when the light of reason failed. In +theory, I held the doctrine that there was sex in mind as truly as in +the material form. Now I was inclined to act as if my doctrine were +true, and to seek to double my power by winning the supplemental +strength and grace of a woman's soul. + +Indeed, my day-dream was becoming exceedingly thrifty in its +character, and I assured ambition that the companionship of such a +woman as yonder maiden must be might become the very corner-stone of +success. + +Time passed, and still no one was "moved." Was my presence the cause +of the spiritual paralysis? I think not, for I was becoming conscious +of reverent feeling and deeper motives. If the fair face was my Gospel +message, it was already leading me beyond the thoughts of success and +ambition, of mental power and artistic grace. Her womanly beauty began +to awaken my moral nature, and her pure face, that looked as free from +guile as any daisy with its eye turned to the sun, led me to ask, +"What right have you to approach such a creature? Think of her needs, +of her being first, and not your own. Would you drag her into the +turmoil of your world because she would be a solace? Would you disturb +the maidenly serenity of that brow with knowledge of evil and misery, +the nightly record of which you have collated so long that you are +callous? You, whose business it is to look behind the scenes of life, +will you disenchant her also? It is your duty to unmask hypocrisy, and +to drag hidden evil to light, but will you teach her to suspect and +distrust? Should you not yourself become a better, truer, purer man +before you look into the clear depths of her blue eyes? Beware, lest +thoughtlessly or selfishly you sully their limpid truth." + +"If she could be God's evangel to me, I might indeed be a better man," +I murmured. + +"That is ever the way," suggested Conscience; "there is always an 'if' +in the path of duty; and you make your change for the better depend on +the remote possibility that yonder maiden will ever look on you as +other than a casual stranger that caused a slight disturbance in the +wonted placidity of their meeting hour." + +"Hush," I answered Conscience, imperiously; "since the old Friend lady +will not preach, I shall endure none of your homilies. I yield myself +to the influences of this day, and during this hour no curb shall be +put on fancy. In my soul I know that I would be a better man if she is +what she seems, and could be to me all that I have dreamed; and were I +tenfold worse than I am, she would be the better for making me better. +Did not Divine purity come the closest to sinful humanity? I shall +approach this maiden in fancy, and may seek her in reality, but it +shall be with a respect so sincere and an homage so true as to rob my +thoughts and quest of bold irreverence or of mere selfishness. Suppose +I am seeking my own good, my own salvation it may be, I am not seeking +to wrong her. Are not heaven's best gifts best won by giving all for +them? I would lay my manhood at her feet. I do not expect to earn her +or buy her, giving a quid pro quo. A woman's love is like the grace of +heaven--a royal gift; and the spirit of the suitor is more regarded +than his desert. Moreover, I do not propose to soil her life with the +evil world that I must daily brush against, but through her influence +to do a little toward purifying that world. Since this is but a dream, +I shall dream it out to suit me. + +"That stalwart and elderly Friend who led me to this choice point of +observation is her father. The plump and motherly matron on the high +seat, whose face alone is a remedy for care and worry, is her mother. +They will invite me home with them when meeting is over. Already I see +the tree-embowered farmhouse, with its low, wide veranda, and old- +fashioned roses climbing the lattice-work. In such a fragrant nook, or +perhaps in the orchard back of the house, I shall explore the +wonderland of this maiden's mind and heart. Beyond the innate reserve +of an unsophisticated womanly nature there will be little reticence, +and her thoughts will flow with the clearness and unpremeditation of +the brook that I crossed on my way here. What a change they will be +from the world's blotted page that I have read too exclusively of +late! + +"Perhaps it will appear to her that I have become smirched by these +pages, and that my character has the aspect of a printer at the close +of his day's tasks. + +"This source of fear, however, is also a source of hope. If she has +the quickness of intuition to discover that I know the world too well, +she will also discern the truth that I would gladly escape from that +which might eventually destroy my better nature, and that hers could +be the hand which might rescue my manhood. To the degree that she is a +genuine woman there will be fascination in the power of making a man +more manly and worthy of respect. Especially will this be true if I +have the supreme good-fortune not to offend her woman's fancy, and to +excite her sympathy; without awakening contempt. + +"But I imagine I am giving her credit for more maturity of thought and +discernment than her years permit. She must be young, and her +experiences would give her no means of understanding my life. She will +look at me with the frank, unsuspecting gaze of a child. She will +exercise toward me that blessed phase of charity which thinketh no +evil because ignorant of evil. + +"Moreover, while I am familiar with the sin of the world, and have +contributed my share toward it, I am not in love with it; and I can +well believe that such a love as she might inspire would cause me to +detest it. If for her sake and other good motives, I should resolutely +and voluntarily; turn my back on evil, would I not have the right to +walk at the side of one who, by the goodhap of her life, knows no +evil? At any rate, I am not sufficiently magnanimous to forego the +opportunity should it occur. Therefore, among, the lengthening shadows +of this June day I shall woo with my utmost skill one who may be able +to banish the deeper shadows that are gathering around my life; and if +I fail I shall carry the truth of her spring-time beauty and girlish +innocence back to the city, and their memory will daily warn me to +beware lest I lose the power to love and appreciate that which is her +pre-eminent charm. + +"But enough of that phase of the question. There need be no failure in +my dream, however probable failure may be in reality. Let me imagine +that in her lovely face I may detect the slight curiosity inspired by +a stranger passing into interest. She will be shy and reserved at +first; but as the delicious sense of being understood and admired +gains mastery, her thoughts will gradually reveal her heart like the +opening petals of a rose, and I can reverently gaze upon the rich +treasures of which she is the unconscious possessor, and which I may +win without impoverishing her. + +"Her ready laugh, clear and mellow as the robin's song that woke me +this morning, will be the index of an unfailing spring of +mirthfulness--of that breezy, piquant, laughing philosophy which gives +to some women an indescribable charm, enabling them to render gloom +and despondency rare inmates of the home over which they preside. When +I recall what dark depths of perplexity and trouble my mother often +hid with her light laugh, I remember that I have never yet had a +chance even to approach her in heroism. In my dream, at least, I can +give to my wife my mother's laugh and courage; and surely Nature, who +has endowed yonder maiden with so much beauty, has also bestowed every +suitable accompaniment. Wherefore I shall discover in her eyes +treasures of sunshine that shall light my home on stormy days and +winter nights. + +"As I vary our theme of talk from bright to sad experiences, I shall +catch a glimpse of that without which the world would become a desert +--woman's sympathy. Possibly I may venture to suggest my own need, and +emphasize it by a reference to Holy Writ. That would be appropriate in +a Sunday wooing. Surely she would admit that if Adam could not endure +being alone in Eden, a like fate would be far more deserving of pity +in such a wilderness as New York. + +"Then, as a sequel to her sympathy, I may witness the awakening of +that noble characteristic of woman--self-sacrifice--the generous +impulse to give happiness, even though at cost to self. + +"As the winged hours pass, and our glances, our words, our intuitions, +and the subtle laws of magnetism that are so powerful, and yet so +utterly beyond the ken of reason, reveal us to each other, I detect in +the depths of her blue eyes a light which vanishes when I seek it, but +returns again--a principle which she does not even recognize, much +less understand, and yet which she already unconsciously obeys. Her +looks are less frank and open, her manner grows deliciously shy, she +hesitates and chooses her words, but is not so happy in their choice +as when she spoke without premeditation. Instead of the wonted bloom +on her cheek her color comes and goes. Oh, most exquisite phase of +human power! I control the fountain of her life; and by an act, a +word, a glance even, can cause the crimson tide to rise even to her +brow, and then to ebb, leaving her sad and pale. Joy! joy! I have won +that out of which can be created the best thing of earth, and the type +of heaven--a home!" + +At this supreme moment in my day-dream, an elderly Friend on the high +seat gave his hand to another white-haired man who had, for the last +hour, leaned his chin on his stout cane, and meditated under the +shadow of his broad-brimmed hat, and our silent meeting was over. The +possessor of the exquisite profile who had led me through a flight of +romance such as I had never known before, turned and looked directly +at me. + +The breaking of my dream had been too sudden, and I had been caught +too high up to alight again on the solid ground of reality with ease +and grace. The night-editor blushed like a school-girl under her +glance, at which she seemed naturally surprised. She, of course, could +imagine no reason why her brief look of curiosity should cause me +confusion and bring a guilty crimson to my face. I took it as a good +omen, however, and said mentally, as I passed out with the others, + +"My thoughts have already established a subtle influence over her, +drawing her eyes and the first delicate tendril of interest toward one +to whom she may cling for life." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE SHINING TIDE + + +As I was strenuously seeking to gain possession of my wits, so that I +could avail myself of any opportunity that offered, or could be made +by adroit, prompt action, the stalwart and elderly Friend, who had +seemed thus far one of the ministers of my impending fate, again took +my hand and said: + +"I hope thee'll forgive me for asking thee to conform to our ways, and +not think any rudeness was meant." + +"The grasp of your hand at once taught me that you were friendly as +well as a Friend," I replied. + +"We should not belie our name, truly. I fear thee did not enjoy our +silent meeting?" + +"You are mistaken, sir. It was just the meeting which, as a weary man, +I needed." + +"I hope thee wasn't asleep?" he said, with a humorous twinkle in his +honest blue eyes. + +"You are quite mistaken again," I answered, smiling; but I should have +been in a dilemma had he asked me if I had been dreaming. + +"Thee's a stranger in these parts," he continued, in a manner that +suggested kindness rather than curiosity. + +"Possibly this is the day of my fate," I thought, "and this man the +father of my ideal woman." And I decided to angle with my utmost skill +for an invitation. + +"You are correct," I replied, "and I much regret that I have wandered +so far from my hotel, for I am not strong," + +"Well, thee may have good cause to be sorry, though we do our best; +but if thee's willing to put up with homely fare and homely people, +thee's welcome to come home with us." + +Seeing eager acquiescence in my face, he continued, without giving me +time to reply, "Here, mother, thee always provides enough for one +more. We'll have a stranger within our gates to-day, perhaps." + +To my joy the Friend lady, with a face like a benediction, turned at +his words. At the same moment a large, three-seated rockaway, with a +ruddy boy as driver, drew up against the adjacent horse-block, while +the fair unknown, who had stood among a bevy of young Quakeresses like +a tall lily among lesser flowers, came toward us holding a little girl +by the hand. The family group was drawing together according to my +prophetic fancy, and my heart beat thick and fast. Truly this was the +day of fate! + +"Homely people" indeed! and what cared I for "fare" in the very hour +of destiny! + +"Mother," he said, with his humorous twinkle, "I'm bent on making +amends to this stranger who seemed to have a drawing toward thy side +of the house. Thee didn't give him any spiritual fare in the meeting- +house, but I think thee'll do better by him at the farmhouse. When I +tell thee that he is not well and a long way from home, thee'll give +him a welcome." + +"Indeed," said the old lady, taking my hand in her soft, plump palm, +while her face fairly beamed with kindness; "it would be poor faith +that did not teach us our duty toward the stranger; and, if I mistake +not, thee'll change our duty into a pleasure." + +"Do not hope to entertain an angel," I said. + +"That's well," the old gentleman put in; "our dinner will be rather +too plain and substantial for angels' fare. I think thee'll be the +better for it though." + +"I am the better already for your most unexpected kindness, which I +now gratefully accept as a stranger. I hope, however, that I may be +able to win a more definite and personal regard;" and I handed the old +gentleman my card. + +"Richard Morton is thy name, then. I'll place thee beside Ruth Yocomb, +my wife. Come, mother, we're keeping Friend Jones's team from the +block. My name is Thomas Yocomb. No, no, take the back seat by my +wife. She may preach to thee a little going home. Drive on, Reuben," +he added, as he and his two daughters stepped quickly in, "and give +Friend Jones a chance. This is Adah Yocomb, my daughter, and this is +little Zillah. Mother thought that since the two names went together +in Scripture they ought to go together out of it, and I am the last +man in the world to go against the Scripture. That's Reuben Yocomb +driving. Now thee knows all the family, and I hope thee don't feel as +much of a stranger as thee did;" and the hearty old man turned and +beamed on me with a goodwill that I felt to be as warm and genuine as +the June sunshine. + +"To be frank," I exclaimed, "I am at a loss to understand your +kindness. In the city we are suspicious of strangers and stand aloof +from them; but you treat me as if I had brought a cordial letter of +introduction from one you esteemed highly." + +"So thee has, so thee has; only the letter came before thee did. 'Be +not forgetful to entertain strangers'--that's the way it reads, +doesn't it, mother?" + +"Moreover, Richard Morton," his wife added, "thee has voluntarily come +among us, and sat down with us for a quiet hour. Little claim to the +faith of Abraham could we have should we let thee wander off to get +thy dinner with the birds in the woods, for the village is miles +away." + +"Mother'll make amends to thee for the silent meeting," said Mr. +Yocomb, looking around with an impressive nod. + +"I trust she will," I replied. "I wanted to hear her preach. It was +her kindly face that led to my blunder, for it so attracted me from my +perch of observation on the wall that I acted on my impulse and +followed her into the meeting-house, feeling in advance that I had +found a friend." + +"Well, I guess thee has, one of the old school," laughed her husband. + +The daughter, Adah, turned and looked at me, while she smiled +approvingly. Oh, blessed day of destiny! When did dream and reality so +keep pace before? Was I not dreaming still, and imagining everything +to suit my own fancy? When would the perverse world begin to assert +itself? + +Sitting just before me, on the next seat, so that I could often see +the same perfect profile, was the maiden that I had already wooed and +won in fancy. Though she was so near and in the full sunlight, I could +detect no cloudiness in her exquisite complexion, nor discover a fault +in her rounded form. The slope of her shoulders was grace itself. She +did not lean back weakly or languidly, but sat erect, with a quiet, +easy poise of vigor and health. Her smile was frank and friendly, and +yet not as enchanting as I expected. It was an affair of facial +muscles rather than the lighting up of the entire visage. Nor did her +full face--now that my confusion had passed away and I was capable of +close observation--give the same vivid impression of beauty made by +her profile. It was pretty, very pretty, but for some reasons +disappointing. Then I smiled at my half-conscious criticism, and +thought, "You have imagined a creature of unearthly perfection, and +expect your impossible ideal to be realized. Were she all that you +have dreamed, she would be much too fine for an ordinary mortal like +yourself. In her rich, unperverted womanly nature you will find the +beauty that will outlast that of form and feature." + +"I fear thee found our silent meeting long and tedious," said Mrs. +Yocomb, deprecatingly. + +"I assure you I did not," I replied, "though I hoped you would have a +message for us." + +"It was not given to me," she said meekly. Then she added, "Those not +used to our ways are troubled, perhaps, with wandering thoughts during +these silent hours." + +"I was not to-day," I replied with bowed head; "I found a subject that +held mine." + +"I'm glad," she said, her face kindling with pleasure. "May I ask the +nature of the truth that held thy meditations?" + +"Perhaps I will tell you some time," I answered hesitatingly; then +added reverently, "It was of a very sacred nature." + +"Thee's right," she said, gravely. "Far be it from me to wish to look +curiously upon thy soul's communion." + +For a moment I felt guilty that I should have so misled her, but +reassured myself with the thought, "That which I dwelt upon was as +sacred to me as my mother's memory." + +I changed the subject, and sought by every means in my power to lead +her to talk, for thus, I thought, I shall learn the full source of +womanly life from which the peerless daughter has drawn her nature. + +The kind old lady needed but little incentive. Her thoughts flowed +freely in a quaint, sweet vernacular that savored of the meeting- +house. I was both interested and charmed, and as we rode at a quiet +jog through the June sunlight felt that I was in the hands of a kindly +fate that, in accordance with the old fairy tales, was bent on giving +one poor mortal all he desired. + +At last, on a hillside sloping to the south, I saw the farmhouse of my +dream. Two tall honey locusts stood like faithful guardians on each +side of the porch. An elm drooped over the farther end of the piazza. +In the dooryard the foliage of two great silver poplar or aspen trees +fluttered perpetually with its light sheen. A maple towered high +behind the house, and a brook that ran not far away was shadowed by a +weeping willow. Other trees were grouped here and there as if Nature +had planted them, and up one a wild grape-vine clambered, its +unobtrusive blossoms filling the air with a fragrance more delicious +even than that of the old-fashioned roses which abounded everywhere. + +"Was there ever a sweeter nook?" I thought as I stepped out on the +wide horse-block and gave my hand to one who seemed the beautiful +culmination of the scene. + +Miss Adah needed but little assistance to alight, but she took my hand +in hers, which she had ungloved as she approached her home. It was her +mother's soft, plump hand, but unmarked, as yet, by years of toil. I +forgot we were such entire strangers, and under the impulse of my +fancy clasped it a trifle warmly, at which she gave me a look of +slight surprise, thus suggesting that there was no occasion for the +act. + +"You are mistaken," I mentally responded; "there is more occasion than +you imagine; more than I may dare to tell you for a long time to +come." + +A lady who had been sitting on the piazza disappeared within the +house, and Adah followed her. + +"Now, mother," said Mr. Yocomb, "since thee did so little for friend +Morton's spiritual man, see what thee can do for the temporal. I'll +take the high seat this time, and can tell thee beforehand that +there'll be no silent meeting." + +"Father may seem to thee a little irreverent, but he doesn't mean to +be. It's his way," said his wife, with a smile. "If thee'll come with +me I'll show thee to a room where thee can rest and prepare for +dinner." + +I followed her through a wide hall to a stairway that changed its mind +when half-way up and turned in an opposite direction. "It suggests the +freedom and unconventionality of this home," I thought, yielding to my +mood to idealize everything. + +"This is thy room so long as thee'll be pleased to stay with us," she +said, with a genial smile, and her ample form vanished from the +doorway. + +I was glad to be alone. The shining tide of events was bearing me +almost too swiftly. "Can this be even the beginning of true love, +since it runs so smoothly?" I queried. And yet it had all come about +so simply and naturally, and for everything there was such adequate +cause and rational explanation, that I assured myself that I had +reason for self-congratulation rather than wonder. + +Having seen such a maiden, it would be strange indeed if I had not +been struck by her beauty. With an hour on my hands, and thoughts that +called no one master, it would have been stranger still if I had not +been beguiled into a dream which, in my need, promised so much that I +was now bent on its fulfilment. Kind Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb had but +carried out the teachings of their faith, and thus I was within the +home of one who, developing under the influences of such a mother and +such surroundings, would have the power beyond most other women of +creating another home. I naturally thought that here, in this lovely +and sheltered spot, and under just the conditions that existed, might +be perfected the simple, natural flower of womanhood that the +necessities of my life and character required. + +I was too eager to prove my theories, and too strongly under the +presentiment that my hour of destiny had come, to rest, and so gladly +welcomed the tinkle of the dinner-bell. + +The apparent mistress of my fate had not diminished her unconscious +power by exchanging her Sunday-morning costume for a light muslin, +that revealed more of her white throat than the strict canons of her +sect would warrant perhaps, but none too much for maidenly modesty and +artistic effect. Indeed, the gown harmonized with her somewhat worldly +hat. I regarded these tendencies as good omens, however, felicitating +myself with the thought that while her Quaker antecedents would always +give to her manner and garb a beautiful simplicity, they would not +trammel her taste with arbitrary custom. Though now more clearly +satisfied that the beauty of her full face by no means equalled that +of her profile, I was still far more than content with a perfection of +features that sustained a rigorous scrutiny. + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, "let me make thee acquainted with +Emily Warren." + +I turned and bowed to a young woman, who seemed very colorless and +unattractive to my brief glance, compared with the radiant creature +opposite me. It would appear that I made no very marked impression on +her either, for she chatted with little Zillah, who sat beyond her, +and with Reuben across the table, making no effort to secure my +attention. + +If Mrs. Yocomb's powers as a spiritual provider were indicated by the +table she had spread for us, the old meetinghouse should be crowded +every Sunday, on the bare possibility that she might speak. From the +huge plate of roast-beef before her husband to the dainty dish of wild +strawberries on the sideboard, all was appetizing, and although it was +the day of my destiny, I found myself making a hearty meal. My +beautiful vis-a-vis evidently had no thoughts of destiny, and proved +that the rich blood which mantled her cheeks had an abundant and +healthful source. I liked that too. "There is no sentimental nonsense +about her," I thought, "and her views of life will never be +dyspeptic." + +I longed to hear her talk, and yet was pleased that she was not +garrulous. Her father evidently thought that this was his hour and +opportunity, and he seasoned the ample repast with not a little homely +wit and humor, in which his wife would sometimes join, and again curb +and deprecate. + +I began to grow disappointed that the daughter did not manifest some +of her mother's quaint and genial good sense, or some sparkle and +piquancy that would correspond to her father's humor: but the few +remarks she made had reference chiefly to the people at the meeting, +and verged toward small gossip. + +I broached several subjects which I thought might interest her, but +could obtain little other response than "Yes," with a faint rising +inflection. After one of these unsuccessful attempts I detected a +slight, peculiar smile on Miss Warren's face. It was a mischievous +light in her dark eyes more than anything else. As she met my puzzled +look it vanished instantly, and she turned away. Everything in my +training and calling stimulated alertness, and I knew that smile was +at my expense. Why was she laughing at me? Had she, by an intuition, +divined my attitude of mind? A plague on woman's intuitions! What man +is safe a moment? + +But this could scarcely be, for the one toward whom my thoughts had +flown for the last three hours, and on whom I had bent glances that +did her royal homage, was serenely unconscious of my interest, or else +supremely indifferent to it. She did not seem unfriendly, and I +imagined that she harbored some curiosity in regard to me. My dress, +manner, and some slight personal allusions secured far more attention +than any abstract topic I could introduce. Her lips, however, were so +exquisitely chiselled that they made, for the time, any utterance +agreeable, and suggested that only tasteful thoughts and words could +come from them. + +"Now, mother," said Mr. Yocomb, leaning back in his chair after +finishing a generous cup of coffee, "I feel inclined to be a good +Christian man. I have a broad charity for about every one except +editors and politicians. I am a man of peace, and there can be no +peace while these disturbers of the body politic thrive by setting +people by the ears. I don't disparage the fare, mother, that thee +gives us at the meetinghouse, that is, when thee does give us any, but +I do take my affirmation that thee has prepared a gospel feast for us +since we came home that has refreshed my inner man. As long as I am in +the body, roast-beef and like creature comforts are a means of grace +to me. I am now in a contented frame of mind, and am quite disposed to +be amiable. Emily Warren, I can even tolerate thy music--nay, let me +speak the truth, I'd much like to hear some after my nap. Thee needn't +shake thy head at me, mother, I've caught thee listening, and if thee +brings me up before the meeting, I'll tell on thee. Does thee realize, +Emily Warren, that thee is leading us out of the straight and narrow +way?" + +"I would be glad to lead you out of a narrow way," she replied, in a +tone so quiet and yet so rich that I was inclined to believe I had not +yet seen Miss Warren. Perhaps she saw that I was becoming conscious of +her existence, for I again detected the old mirthful light in her +eyes. Was I or Mr. Yocomb's remark the cause? + +Who was Emily Warren anyway, and why must she be at the farmhouse at a +time when I so earnestly wished "the coast clear?" The perverse world +at last was asserting its true self, and there was promise of a +disturbance in my shining tide. Moreover, I was provoked that the one +remark of this Emily Warren had point to it, while my perfect flower +of womanhood had revealed nothing definitely save a good appetite, and +that she had no premonitions that this was the day of her destiny. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +REALITY + + +"Father," said my fair ideal abruptly, as if a bright idea had just +struck her, "did thee notice that Friend Jones's rockaway had been +painted and all fixed up? I guess he rather liked our keeping him +there before all the meeting." + +"Mother, I hope thee'll be moved to preach about the charity that +thinketh no evil," said her father gravely. + +The young girl tossed her head slightly as she asserted, "Araminta +Jones liked it anyway. Any one could see that." + +"And any one need not have seen it also," her mother said, with a +pained look. Then she added, in a low aside, as we rose from the +table, "Thee certainly need not have spoken about thy friend's folly." + +The daughter apparently gave little heed to her mother's rebuke, and a +trivial remark a moment later proved that she was thinking of +something else. + +"Adah, thee can entertain Richard Morton for a time, while mother +attends to the things," said her father. + +The alacrity with which she complied was flattering at least, and she +led me out on the piazza, that corresponded with my day-dream. + +"Zillah," called Mrs. Tocomb to her little girl, "do not bother Emily +Warren. She may wish to be alone. Stay with Adah till I am through." + +"Oh, mother, please, let me go with Emily Warren. I never have a good +time with Adah." + +"There, mother, let her have her own way," said Adah, pettishly. +"Emily Warren, thee shouldn't pet her so if thee doesn't want to be +bothered by her." + +"She does not bother me at all," said Miss Warren quietly. "I like +her." + +The little girl that had been ready to cry turned to her friend a +radiant face that was eloquent with the undisguised affection of +childhood. + +"Zillah evidently likes you, Miss Warren," I said, "and you have given +the reason. You like her." + +"Not always a sufficient reason for liking another," she answered. + +"But a very good one," I urged. + +"There are many better ones." + +"What has reason to do with liking, anyway?" I asked. + +The mirthfulness I had noted before glimmered in her eyes for a +moment, but she answered demurely, "I have seen instances that gave +much point to your question, but I cannot answer it," and with a +slight bow and smile she took her hat from Zillah and went down the +path with an easy, natural carriage, that nevertheless suggested the +city and its pavements rather than the country. + +"What were you two talking about?" asked Adah, with a trace of vexed +perplexity on her brow, for I imagined that my glance followed Miss +Warren with some admiration and interest. + +"You must have heard all we said." + +"Where was the point of it?" + +"What I said hadn't any point, so do not blame yourself for not seeing +it. Don't you like little Zillah? She seems a nice, quiet child." + +"Certainly I like her--she's my sister; but I detest children." + +"I can't think that you were detested when you were a child." + +"I don't remember: I might have been," she replied, with a slight +shrug. + +"Do you think that, as a child, you would enjoy being detested?" + +"Mother says it often isn't good for us to have what we enjoy." + +"Undoubtedly your mother is right." + +"Well, I don't see things in that way. If I like a thing I want it, +and if I don't like it I don't want it, and won't have it if I can +help myself." + +"Your views are not unusual," I replied, turning away to hide my +contracting brow. "I know of others who cherish like sentiments." + +"Well, I'm glad to meet with one who thinks as I do," she said +complacently, and plucking a half-blown rose that hung near her, she +turned its petals sharply down as if they were plaits of a hem that +she was about to stitch. + +"Here is the first harmonic chord in the sweet congeniality of which I +dreamed," I inwardly groaned; but I continued, "How is it that you +like Zillah as your sister, and not as a little girl?" + +"Oh, everybody likes their brothers and sisters after a fashion, but +one doesn't care to be bothered with them when they are little. +Besides, children rumple and spoil my dress," and she looked down at +herself approvingly. + +"Now, there's Emily Warren," continued my "embodiment of June." +"Mother is beginning to hold her up to me as an example. Emily Warren +is half the time doing things that she doesn't like, and I think she's +very foolish. She is telling Zillah a story over there under that +tree. I don't think one feels like telling stories right after +dinner." + +"Yes, but see how much Zillah enjoys the story." + +"Oh, of course she enjoys it. Why shouldn't she, if it's a good one?" + +"Is it not possible that Miss Warren finds a pleasure in giving +pleasure?" + +"Well, if she does, that is her way of having a good time." + +"Don't you think it's a sweet, womanly way?" + +"Ha, ha, ha! Are you already smitten with Emily Warren's sweet, +womanly ways?" + +I confess that I both blushed and frowned with annoyance and +disappointment, but I answered lightly, "If I were, would I be one +among many victims?" + +"I'm sure I don't know," she replied, with her slight characteristic +shrug, which also intimated that she didn't care. + +"Miss Warren, I suppose, is a relative who is visiting you?" + +"Oh, no, she is only a music teacher who is boarding with us. Mother +usually takes two or three boarders through the summer months, that is +if they are willing to put up with our ways." + +"I suppose it's correct to quote Scripture on Sunday afternoon. I'm +sure your mother's ways are those of pleasantness and peace. Do you +think she would take me as a boarder?" + +"I fear she'll think you would want too much city style." + +"That is just what I wish to escape from." + +"I think city style is splendid." + +"Why?" + +"Oh, the city is gay and full of life and people. I once took walks +down Fifth Avenue when making a visit in town, and I would be +perfectly happy if I could do so every day." + +"Perfectly happy? I wish I knew of something that would make me +perfectly happy. Pardon me, I am only a business man, and can't be +expected to understand young ladies very well. I don't understand why +walking down Fifth Avenue daily would make you happy." + +"Of course not. A man can't understand a girl's feelings in such +matters." + +"There is nothing in New York so beautiful as this June day in the +country." + +"Yes, it's a nice day: but father says we need more rain dreadfully." + +"You have spoiled your rose." + +"There are plenty more." + +"Don't you like roses?" + +"Certainly. Who does not like roses?" + +"Let me give you another. See, here is one that has the hue of your +cheeks." + +"I suppose a city pallor like Emily Warren's is more to your taste." + +"I am wholly out of humor with the city, and I do not like that which +is colorless and insipid. I think the rose I have just given you very +beautiful." + +"Thanks for your roundabout compliment," and she looked pleased. + +"I suppose your quiet life gives you much time for reading?" + +"I can't say that I enjoy father and mother's books." + +"I doubt whether I would myself, but you have your own choice?" + +"I read a story now and then; but time slips away; and I don't do much +reading. We country girls make our own clothes, and you have no idea +how much time it takes." + +"Will you forgive me if I say that I think you make yours very +prettily?" + +Again she looked decidedly pleased; and, as if to reward me, she +fastened the rose on her bosom. "If she would only keep still," I +thought, "and I could simply look at her as at a draped statue, I +could endure another half-hour; but every word she speaks is like the +note of that catbird which broke the spell of harmony this morning. I +have not yet seen a trace of ideality in her mind. Not a lovable trait +have I discovered beyond her remarkable beauty, which mocks one with +its broken promise. What is the controlling yet perverse principle of +her life which makes her seem an alien in her own home? I am glad she +does not use the plain language to me, since by nature she is not a +Friend." + +Miss Yocomb interrupted my thoughts by saying: + +"I thought my dress would be much too simple and country-like for your +taste. I can see myself that Emily Warren's dress has more style." + +Resolving to explore a little, I said: + +"I know a great many men in town." + +"Indeed!" she queried, with kindling interest. + +"Yes, and some of them are fine artists; and the majority have +cultivated their tastes in various ways, both at home and abroad: but +I do not think many of them have any respect for what you mean by +'style.' Shop-boys, clerks, and Fifth Avenue exquisites give their +minds to the arbitrary mode of the hour; but the men in the city who +amount to anything rarely know whether a lady's gown is of the latest +cut. They do know, however, whether it is becoming and lady-like. The +solid men of the city have a keen eye for beauty, and spend hundreds +of thousands of dollars to enjoy its various phases. But half of the +time they are anathematizing mere style. I have seen fashion transform +a pretty girl into as near an approach to a kangaroo as nature +permitted. Now, I shall be so bold as to say that I think your costume +this afternoon has far better qualities than mere style. It is +becoming, and in keeping with the day and season, and I don't care a +fig whether it is the style or not." + +My "perfect flower of womanhood" grew radiant, and her lips parted in +a smile of ineffable content. In bitter disappointment I saw that my +artifice had succeeded, and that I had touched the key-note of her +being. To my horror, she reminded me of a pleased, purring kitten that +had been stroked in the right direction. + +"Your judgment is hasty and harsh," I charged myself, in half-angry +accusation, loth to believe the truth. "You do not know yet that a +compliment to her dress is the most acceptable one that she can +receive. She probably takes it as a tribute to her good taste, which +is one of woman's chief prerogatives." + +I resolved to explore farther, and continued: + +"A lady's dress is like the binding of a book--it ought to be +suggestive of her character. Indeed, she can make it a tasteful +expression of herself. Our eye is often attracted or repelled by a +book's binding. When it has been made with a fine taste, so that it +harmonizes with the subject under consideration, we are justly +pleased; but neither you nor I believe in the people who value books +for the sake of their covers only. Beauty and richness of thought, +treasures of varied truth, sparkling wit, droll humor, or downright +earnestness are the qualities in books that hold our esteem. A book +must have a soul and life of its own as truly as you or I; and the +costliest materials, the wealth of a kingdom, cannot make a true book +any more than a perfect costume and the most exquisite combination of +flesh and blood can make a true woman." (I wondered if she were +listening to me; for her face was taking on an absent look. Conscious +that my homily was growing rather long, I concluded.) "The book that +reveals something new, or puts old truths in new and interesting +lights--the book that makes us wiser, that cheers, encourages, +comforts, amuses, and makes a man forget his stupid, miserable self, +is the book we tie to. And so a man might well wish himself knotted to +a woman who could do as much for him, and he would naturally be +pleased to have her outward garb correspond with her spiritual beauty +and worth." + +My fair ideal had also reached a momentous conclusion, for she said, +with the emphasis of a final decision: + +"I won't cut that dress after Emily Warren's pattern. I'll cut it to +suit myself." + +I had been falling from a seventh heaven of hope for some time, but at +this moment I struck reality with a thump that almost made me sick and +giddy. The expression of my face reminded her of the irrelevancy of +her remark, and she blushed slightly, but laughed it off, saying: + +"Pardon me, that I followed my own thoughts for a moment rather than +yours. These matters, no doubt, seem mere trifles to you gentlemen, +but they are weighty questions to us girls who have to make a little +go a great way. Won't you, please, repeat what you said about that +lady who wrote a book for the sake of its binding? I think it's a +pretty idea." + +I was so incensed that I answered as I should not have done. "She was +remarkably successful. Every one looked at the binding, but were soon +satisfied to look no farther." + +I was both glad and vexed that she did not catch my meaning, for she +said, with a smile: + +"It would make a pretty ornament." + +"It would not be to my taste," I replied briefly. "The beautiful +binding would hold out the promise of a good book, which, not being +fulfilled, would be tantalizing." + +"Do you know the lady well?" + +"Yes, I fear I do." + +"How strangely you look at me!" + +"Excuse me," I said, starting. "I fear I followed your example and was +thinking of something else." + +But I let what I was thinking about slip out. + +"It was indeed a revelation. My thoughts will not interest you, I +fear. The experience of a man who saw a mirage in the desert came into +my mind." + +"I don't see what put that into your head." + +"Nor do I, now. The world appears to me entirely matter-of-fact." + +"I'm glad to hear you say that. Mother is always talking to me about +spiritual meanings and all that. Now I agree with you. Things are just +what they are. Some we like, and some we don't like. What more is +there to say about them? I think people are very foolish if they +bother themselves over things or people they don't like. I hope mother +will take you to board, for I would like to have some one in the house +who looks at things as I do." + +"Thanks. Woman's intuition is indeed unerring." + +"I declare, there comes Silas Jones with his new top-buggy. You won't +mind his making one of our party, will you?" + +"I think I will go to my room and rest awhile, and thus I shall not be +that chief of this world's evils--the odious third party." And I rose +decisively. + +"I'd rather you wouldn't go," she said. "I don't care specially for +him, and he does not talk half so nicely as you do. You needn't go on +his account. Indeed, I like to have half a dozen gentlemen around me." + +"You are delightfully frank." + +"Yes, I usually say what I think." + +"And do as you please," I added. + +"Certainly. Why shouldn't I when I can? Don't you?" + +"But I came from the wicked city." "So does Emily Warren." + +"Is she wicked?" + +"I don't know; she keeps it to herself if she is; and, by the way, she +is very quiet, I can never get her to talk much about herself. She +appears so good that mother is beginning to quote her as an example, +and that, you know, always makes one detest a person. I think there is +some mystery about her. I'm sorry you will go, for I've lots of +questions I'd like to ask you now we are acquainted." + +"Pardon me; I'm not strong, and must have a rest. Silas Jones will +answer just as well." + +"Not quite," she said softly, with a smile designed to be bewitching. + +As I passed up the hall I heard her say, "Silas Jones, I'm pleased to +see thee." + +I threw myself on the lounge in my room in angry disgust. + +"O Nature!" I exclaimed, "what excuse have you for such perverseness? +By every law of probability--by the ordinary sequence of cause and +effect--this girl should have been what I fancied her to be. This, +then, forsooth, is the day of my fate! It would be the day of doom did +some malicious power chain me to this brainless, soulless, heartless +creature. What possessed Nature to make such a blunder, to begin so +fairly and yet reach such a lame and impotent conclusion? To the eye +the girl is the fair and proper outcome of this home and beautiful +country life. In reality she is a flat contradiction to it all, +reversing in her own character the native traits and acquired graces +of her father and mother. + +"As if controlled and carried forward by a hidden and malign power, +she goes steadily against her surrounding influences that, like the +winds of heaven, might have wafted her toward all that is good and +true. Is not sweet, quaint Mrs. Yocomb her mother? Is not the genial, +hearty old gentleman her father? Has she not developed among scenes +that should ennoble her nature, and enrich her mind with ideality? +There is Oriental simplicity and largeness in her parents' faith. +Abraham sitting at the door of his tent, could scarcely have done +better. Hers is the simplicity of silliness, which reveals what a +woman of sense, though no better than herself, would not speak of. It +is exasperating to think that her eyes and fingers are endowed with a +sense of harmony and beauty, so that she can cut a gown and adorn her +lovely person to perfection, and yet be so idiotic as to make a +spectacle of herself in her real womanhood. As far as I can make out, +Nature is more to blame than the girl. There is not a bat blinking in +the sunlight more blind than she to every natural beauty of this June +day; and yet her eyes are microscopic, and she sees a host of little +things not worth seeing. A true womanly moral nature seems never to +have been infused into her being. She detests children, her little +sister shrinks from her; she speaks and surmises evil of the absent; +to strut down Fifth Avenue in finery, to which she has given her whole +soul, is her ideal of happiness--there, stop! She is the daughter of +my kind host and hostess. The mystery of this world's evil is sadly +exemplified in her defective character, from which sweet, true +womanliness was left out. I should pity her, and treat her as if she +were deformed. Poor Mrs. Yocomb! Even mother-love cannot blind her to +the truth that her fair daughter is a misshapen creature." After a +little, I added wearily, "I wish I had never seen her; I am the worse +for this day's mirage," and I closed my eyes in dull apathy. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +MUTUAL DISCOVERIES + + +I must have slept for an hour or more, for when I awoke I saw through +the window-lattice that the sun was declining in the west. Sleep had +again proved better than all philosophy or medicine, for it had +refreshed me and given something of the morning's elasticity. + +I naturally indulged in a brief retrospect, conscious that while +nothing had happened, since the croaking printer's remark, that I +would care to print in the paper, experiences had occurred that +touched me closer than would the news that all the Malays of Asia were +running amuck. I felt as if thrown back on to my old life and work in +precisely their old form. My expedition into the country and romance +had been disappointing. It is true I had found rest and sleep, and for +these I was grateful, and with these stanch allies I can go on with my +work, which I now believe is the best thing the world has for me. I +shall go back to it to-morrow, well content, after this day's +experience, to make it my mistress. The bare possibility of being +yoked to such a woman as in fancy I have wooed and won to-day makes me +shiver with inexpressible dread. Her obtuseness, combined with her +microscopic surveillance, would drive me to the nearest madhouse I +could find. The whole business of love-making and marriage involves +too much risk to a man who, like myself, must use his wits as a sword +to carve his fortunes. I've fought my way up alone so far, and may as +well remain a free lance. The wealthy, and those who are content to +plod, can go through life with a woman hanging on their arm. Rich I +shall never be, and I'll die before I'll plod. My place is in the +midst of the world's arena, where the forces that shall make the +future are contending, and I propose to be an appreciable part of +those forces. I shall go back the wiser and stronger for this day's +folly, and infinitely better for its rest, and I marched down the +moody stairway, feeling that I was not yet a crushed and broken man, +and cherishing also a secret complacency that I had at last outgrown +my leanings toward sentimentality. + +As I approached the door of the wide, low-browed parlor, I saw Miss +Warren reading a paper; a second later and my heart gave a bound: it +was the journal of which I was the night editor, and I greeted its +familiar aspect as the face of an old friend in a foreign land. It was +undoubtedly the number that had gone to press the night I had broken +down, and I almost hoped to see some marks of the catastrophe in its +columns. How could I beguile the coveted sheet from Miss Warren's +hands and steal away to a half-hour's seclusion? + +"What! Miss Warren," I exclaimed, "reading a newspaper on Sunday?" + +She looked at me a moment before replying, and then asked: + +"Do you believe in a Providence?" + +Thrown off my guard by the unexpected question, I answered: + +"Assuredly; I am not quite ready to admit that I am a fool, even after +all that has happened." + +There was laughter in her eyes at once, but she asked innocently: + +"What has happened?" + +I suppose my color rose a little, but I replied carelessly, "I have +made some heavy blunders of late. You are adroit in stealing away from +a weak position under a fire of questions, but your stratagem shall +not succeed," I continued severely. "How can you explain the fact, too +patent to be concealed, that here in good Mrs. Yocomb's house, and on +a Sunday afternoon, you are reading a secular newspaper?" + +"You. have explained my conduct yourself," she said, assuming a fine +surprise. + +"I?" + +"You, and most satisfactorily. You said you believed in a Providence. +I have merely been reading what he has done, or what he has permitted, +within the last twenty-four hours." + +I looked around for a chair, and sat down "struck all of a heap," as +the rural vernacular has it. + +"Is that your definition of news?" I ventured at last. + +"I'm not a dictionary. That's the definition of what I've been reading +this afternoon." + +"Miss Warren, you may score one against me." + +The mischievous light was in her eyes, but she said suavely: + +"Oh, no, you shall have another chance. I shall begin by showing +mercy, for I may need it, and I see that you can be severe." + +"Well, please, let me take breath and rally my shattered wits before I +make another advance. I understand you, then, that you regard +newspapers as good Sunday reading?" + +"You prove your ability, Mr. Morton, by drawing a vast conclusion from +a small and ill-defined premise. I don't recall making any such +statement." + +"Pardon me, you are at disadvantage now. I ask for no better premise +than your own action; for you are one, I think, who would do only what +you thought right." + +"A palpable hit. I'm glad I showed you mercy. Still it does not follow +that because I read a newspaper, all newspapers are good Sunday +reading. Indeed, there is much in this paper that is not good reading +for Monday or any other day." + +"Ah!" I exclaimed, looking grave, "then why do you read it?" + +"I have not. A newspaper is like the world of which it is a brief +record--full of good and evil. In either case, if one does not like +the evil, it can be left alone." + +"Which do you think predominates in that paper?" + +"Oh, the good, in the main. There is an abundance of evil, too, but it +is rather in the frank and undisguised record of the evil in the +world. It does not seem to have got into the paper's blood and +poisoned its whole life. It is easily skipped if one is so inclined. +There are some journals in which the evil cannot be skipped. From the +leading editorial to the obscurest advertisement, one stumbles on it +everywhere. They are like certain regions in the South, in which there +is no escape from the snakes and malaria. Now there are low places in +this paper, but there is high ground also, where the air is good and +wholesome, and where the outlook on the world is wide. That is the +reason I take it." + +"I was not aware that many young ladies looked, in journals of this +character, beyond the record of deaths and marriages." + +"We studied ancient history. Is it odd that we should have a faint +desire to know what Americans are doing, as well as what the +Babylonians did?" + +"Oh, I do not decry your course as irrational. It seems rather-- +rather--" + +"Rather too rational for a young lady." + +"I did not say that; but here is my excuse," and I took from a table +near a periodical entitled "The Young Lady's Own Weekly," addressed to +Miss Adah Yocomb. + +"Have not young men their own weeklies also--which of the two classes +is the more weakly?" + +"Ahem! I decline to pursue this phase of the subject any further. To +return to our premise, this journal," and I laid my hand on the old +paper caressingly. "It so happens that I read it also, and thus learn +that we have had many thoughts in common; though, no doubt, we would +differ on some of the questions discussed in it. What do you think of +its politics?" + +"I think they are often very bad." + +"That's delightfully frank," I said, sitting back in my chair a little +stiffly. "I think they are very good--at any rate they are mine." + +"Perhaps that is the reason they are so good?" + +"Now, pardon me if I, too, am a trifle plain. Do you consider yourself +as competent to form an opinion concerning politics as gray-headed +students of affairs?" + +"Oh, certainly not; but do I understand that you accept, +unquestioningly, the politics of the paper you read?" + +"Far from it: rather that the politics of this paper commend +themselves to my judgment." + +"And you think 'judgment' an article not among a young woman's +possessions?" + +"Miss Warren, you may think what you please of the politics of this +paper. But how comes it that you think about them at all? I'm sure +that they interest but comparatively few young ladies." + +Her face suddenly became very grave and sad, and a moment later she +turned away her eyes that were full of tears. "I wish you hadn't asked +that question; but I will explain my seeming weakness," she said, in a +low, faltering voice. "I lost my only brother in the war--I was +scarcely more than a child; but I can see him now--my very ideal of +brave, loyal manhood. Should I not love the country for which he +died?" + +Politics! a word that men so often utter with contempt, has been +hallowed to me since that moment. + +She looked away for a moment, swiftly pressed her handkerchief to her +eyes, then turning toward me said, with a smile, and in her former +tones: + +"Forgive me! I've been a bit lonely and blue this afternoon, for the +day has reminded me of the past. I won't be weak and womanish any +more. I think some political questions interest a great many women +deeply. It must be so. We don't dote on scrambling politicians; but a +man as a true statesman makes a grand figure." + +I was not thinking of statecraft or the craftsmen. + +"By Jove!" I exclaimed mentally, "this girl is more beautiful than my +'perfect flower of womanhood.' Night-owl that I am, I am just gaining +the power to see her clearly as the sun declines." + +I know my face was full of honest sympathy as I said, gently and +reverently: + +"Tell me more of your brother. The thoughts of such men make me +better." + +She shot a quick, grateful glance, looked down, trembled, shook her +head as she faltered: + +"I cannot--please don't; speak of something far removed." + +The feeling was so deep, and yet so strongly curbed, that its +repression affected me more deeply than could its manifestation. Her +sorrow became a veiled and sacred mystery of which I could never be +wholly unconscious again; and I felt that however strong and brilliant +she might prove in our subsequent talk, I should ever see, back of +all, the tender-hearted, sensitive woman. + +"Please forgive me. I was cruelly thoughtless," I said, in a voice +that trembled slightly. Then, catching up the paper, I continued, with +attempted lightness, "We have found this journal, that we mutually +read, a fruitful theme. What do you think of its literary reviews?" + +Mirth and tears struggled for the mastery in her eyes; but she +answered, with a voice that had regained its clear, bell-like tone: + +"In some I have seen indisputable proof of impartiality and freedom +from prejudice." + +"In what did that proof consist?" + +"In the evident fact that the reviewer had not read the book." + +"You are severe," I said, coloring slightly. + +She looked at me with a little surprise, but continued: + +"That does not happen very often. It is clear that there are several +contributors to this department, and I have come to look for the +opinions of one of them with much interest. I am sure of a careful and +appreciative estimate of a book from his point of view. His one fault +appears to be that he sees everything from one perspective, and does +not realize that the same thing may strike other intelligent people +very differently. But he's a fixed and certain quantity, and a good +point to measure from. I like him because he is so sincere. He sits +down to a book as a true scientist does to a phase of nature, to +really learn what there is in it, and not merely to display a little +learning, sarcasm, or smartness. I always feel sure that I know +something about a book after reading one of his reviews, and also +whether I could afford to spend a part of my limited time in reading +it." + +"I have singled out the same reviewer, and think your estimate +correct. On another occasion, when we have more time, I am going to +ask how you like the musical critic's opinions; for on that subject +you would be at home." + +"What makes you think so?" + +"Miss Yocomb told me that you taught music in the city, and music is +about the only form of recreation for which I have taken time in my +busy life. There are many things concerning the musical tendencies of +the day that I would like to ask you about. But I hear the clatter of +the supper dishes. What do you think of the editorial page, and its +moral tendencies? That is a good Sunday theme." + +"There is evidence of much ability, but there is a lack of earnestness +and definite purpose. The paper is newsy and bright, and, in the main, +wholesome. It reflects public opinion fairly and honestly, but does +little to shape it. It is often spicily controversial, sometimes +tiresomely so. I do a good deal of skipping in that line. I wish its +quarrels resulted more from efforts to right some wrong; and there is +so much evil in our city, both in high and low places, that ought to +be fought to the death. The editor has exceptional opportunities, and +might be the knight-errant of our age. If in earnest, and on the right +side, he can forge a weapon out of public opinion that few evils could +resist. And he is in just the position to discover these dragons. and +drive them from their hiding-places. If, for instance, the clever +paragraphist in this column, whose province, it seems, is to comment +at the last moment on the events of the day, were as desirous of +saying true, strong, earnest words, as bright and prophetic ones, in +which the news of the morrow is also outlined-why, Mr. Morton, what is +the matter?" + +"Are you a witch?" + +She looked at me a moment, blushed deeply, and asked hesitatingly: + +"Are-are you the paragraphist?" + +"Yes," I said, with a burst of laughter, "as truly as yours is the +only witchcraft in which I believe-that of brains." Then putting my +finger on my lips, I added, _sotto voce_: "Don't betray me. Mr. Yocomb +would set all his dogs on me if he knew I were an editor, and I don't +wish to go yet." + +"What have I been saying!" she exclaimed, with an appalled look. + +"Lots of clever things. I never got so many good hints in the same +time before." + +"It wasn't fair in you, to lead me on in the dark." + +"Oh, there wasn't any 'dark,' I assure you. Your words were +coruscations. Never was the old journal so lighted up before." + +There were both perplexity and annoyance in her face as she looked +dubiously at me. Instantly becoming grave, I stepped to her side and +took her hand, as I said, with the strongest emphasis: + +"Miss Warren, I thank you. I have caught a glimpse of my work and +calling through the eyes of a true, refined, and, permit me to add, a +gifted woman. I think I shall be the better for it, but will make no +professions. If I'm capable of improvement this column will show it." + +Her hand trembled in mine as she looked away and said: + +"You are capable of sympathy." + +Then she went hastily to the piano. + +Before she could play beyond a bar or two, little Zillah bounded in, +exclaiming: + +"Emily Warren, mother asks if thee and Richard Morton will come out to +tea?" + +"I may be in error, but is not a piano one of the worldly vanities?" I +asked, as she turned to comply. "I did not expect to see one here." + +"Mrs. Yocomb kindly took this in with me. I could scarcely live +without one, so you see I carry the shop with me everywhere, and am so +linked to my business that I can never be above it." + +"I hope not, but you carry the business up with you. The shop may be, +and ought to be, thoroughly respectable. It is the narrow, mercenary +spirit of the shop that is detestable. If you had that, you would +leave your piano in New York, since here it would have no money value. +' + +"You take a nice view of it." + +"Is it not the true view?" + +In mock surprise she answered: + +"Mr. Morton, I'm from New York. Did you ever meet a lady from that +city who was not all that the poets claimed for womanhood?" + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +A QUAKER TEA + + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb genially, "thee seems listening +very intently to something Emily Warren is saying, so thee may take +that seat beside her." + +"Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb from the head of the table, "has +thee made the acquaintance of Emily Warren?" + +"No, sir, but I am making it." + +"So am I, and she has been here a week." + +"I should esteem that one of the highest of compliments," I said; then +turning to her, I added, in an aside, "You found me out in half an +hour." + +"Am I such a sphinx?" she asked Mr. Yocomb with a smile; while to me +she said, in a low tone: "You are mistaken. You have had something to +say to me almost daily for a year or more." + +"I am not acquainted with the article, and so can't give an opinion," +Mr. Yocomb replied, with a humorous twinkle in his eye. "If the +resemblance is close, so much the better for the sphinxes." + +"Now, father, thee isn't a young man that thee should be complimenting +the girls," his wife remarked. + +"I've persuaded Silas Jones to stay," said Adah, entering. + +"Silas Jones, I hope thee and thy parents are well," Mrs. Yocomb +answered, with a courtesy somewhat constrained. "Will thee take that +seat by Adah? Let me make thee acquainted with Richard Morton and +Emily Warren." + +We bowed, but I turned instantly to Miss Warren and said. + +"Do you note how delightfully Mrs. Yocomb unites our names? I take it +as an omen that we may become friends in spite of my shortcomings. You +should have been named first in the order of merit." + +"Mrs. Yocomb rarely makes mistakes," she replied. + +"That confirms my omen." + +"Omens are often ominous." + +"I'm prepared for the best." + +"Hush!" and she bowed her head in the grace customary before meals in +this house. + +I had noted that Mr. Yocomb's bow to Mr. Jones was slightly formal +also. Remembering the hospitable traits of my host and hostess, I +concluded that the young man was not exactly to their taste. Indeed, a +certain jauntiness in dress that verged toward flashiness would not +naturally predispose them in his favor. But Adah, although disclaiming +any special interest in him, seemed pleased with his attentions. She +was not so absorbed, however, but that she had an eye for me, and +expected my homage also. She apparently felt that she had made a very +favorable impression on me, and that we were congenial spirits. During +the half hour that followed I felt rather than saw that this fact +amused Miss Warren exceedingly. + +For a few moments we sat in silence, but I fear my grace was as +graceless as my morning worship had been. Miss Warren's manner was +reverent. Were her thoughts also wandering? and whither? She certainly +held mine, and by a constraint that was not unwelcome. + +When she lifted her expressive eyes I concluded that she had done +better than merely comply with a religious custom. + +"The spirit of this home has infected you," I said. + +"It might be well for you also to catch the infection." + +"I know it would be well for me, and wish to expose myself to it to +the utmost. You are the only obstacle I fear." + +"I?" + +"Yes. I will explain after supper." + +"To explain that you have good cause to ask for time," + +"Richard Morton, does thee like much sugar in thy tea?" Mrs. Yocomb +asked. + +"No-yes, none at all, if you please." + +My hostess looked at me a little blankly, and Adah and Silas Jones +giggled. + +"A glass of milk will help us both out of our dilemma," I said, with a +laugh. + +"An editor should be able to think of two things at once," Miss Warren +remarked, in a low aside. + +"That depends on the subject of his thoughts. But don't breathe that +word here, or I'm undone." + +"Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb, "I hope thee feels the better for +mother's ministrations since we came home. Will thee pass thy plate +for some more of the same kind?" + +"Mrs. Yocomb has done me good ever since I followed her into the +meeting-house," I replied. "I am indeed the better for her dinner, and +I ought to be. I feared you would all be aghast at the havoc I made. +But it is your kindness and hospitality that have done me the most +good, i would not have believed yesterday afternoon that my fortunes +could have taken so favorable a turn." + +"Why, what was the matter with you then?" asked Adah, with wide-eyed +curiosity; and little Zillah looked at me with a pitying and puzzled +glance. + +"A common complaint in the city. I was committing suicide, and +yesterday became conscious of the fact." + +"Mr. Morton must have hit on an agreeable method of suicide, since he +could commit it unconsciously," Miss Warren remarked mischievously. "I +read in Emily Warren's newspaper this afternoon," said Silas Jones, +with awkward malice, "of a young fellow who got a girl to marry him by +pretending to commit suicide. He didn't hurt himself much though." + +The incident amused Adah exceedingly, and I saw that Miss Warren's +eyes were full of laughter. Assuming a shocked expression, I said: + +"I am surprised that Miss Warren takes a paper so full of insidious +evil." Then, with the deepest gravity, I remarked to Silas Jones, "I +have recently been informed, sir, on good authority, that each one +instinctively finds and reads in a newspaper that which he likes or +needs. I sincerely hope, my dear sir, that the example you have quoted +will not lead you to adopt a like method." + +Adah laughed openly to her suitor's confusion, and the mouths of the +others were twitching. With the complexion of the rose at his button- +hole Mr. Jones said, a trifle vindictively: + +"I thought the paragraph might refer to you, sir, you seem so slightly +hurt." + +"I don't like to contradict you, but I cannot be this ingenious youth +whose matrimonial enterprise so deeply interests you, since I am not +married, and I was hurt severely." + +"Thee had been overworking," said Mrs. Yocomb kindly. + +"Working foolishly rather. I thought I had broken down, but sleep and +your kindness have so revived me that I scarcely know myself. Are you +accustomed to take in tramps from New York?" + +"That depends somewhat upon the tramps. I think the right leadings are +given us." + +"If good leadings constitute a Friend, I am one to-day, for I have +been led to your home." "Now I'm moved to preach a little," said Mr. +Yocomb. "Richard Morton, does thee realize the sin and folly of +overwork? If thee works for thyself it is folly. If thee toils for the +good of the world, and art able to do the world any good, it is sin; +if there are loved ones dependent on thee, thee may do them a wrong +for which there is no remedy. Thee looks to me like a man who has been +over-doing" + +"Unfortunately there is no one dependent on me, and I fear I have not +had the world's welfare very greatly at heart. I have learned that I +was becoming my own worst enemy, and so must plead guilty of folly." + +"Well, thee doesn't look as if thee had sinned away thy day of grace +yet. If thee'll take roast-beef and common-sense as thy medicine, +thee'll see my years and vigor." + +"Richard Morton," said his wife, with a gentle gravity, "never let any +one make thee believe that thee has sinned away thy day of grace." + +"Mother, thee's very weak on the 'terrors of the law.' Thee's always +for coaxing the transgressors out of the broad road. Thee's +latitudinarian; now!" + +"And thee's a little queer, father." + +"Emily Warren, am I queer?" + +"You are very sound and sensible in your advice to Mr. Morton," she +replied. "One may very easily sin against life and health beyond the +point of remedy. I should judge from Mr. Morton's words that he is in +danger." + +"Now, mother, thee sees that Emily Warren believes in the terrors of +the law." + +"Thee wouldn't be a very good one at enforcing them, Emily," said Mrs. +Yocomb, nodding her head smilingly toward her favorite. + +"The trouble is," said Miss Warren a little sadly, "that some laws +enforce themselves. I know of so many worn-out people in New York, +both men and women, that I wish that Mr. Yocomb's words were printed +at the head of ail our leading newspapers." + +"Yes," said Mr. Yocomb, "if editors and newspaper writers were only as +eager to quiet the people as they are to keep up the hubbub of the +world, they might make their calling a useful one. It almost takes +away my breath to read some of our great journals." + +"Do you not think laziness the one pre-eminent vice of the world?" +tasked. + +"Not of native-born Americans. I think restlessness, nervous activity, +is the vice of our age. I am out of the whirl, and can see it all the +more clearly. Thee admits that thy city life was killing thee--I know +it would kill me in a month." + +"I would like to have a chance to be killed by it," said Adah, with a +sigh. + +"Thy absence would be fatal to some in the country," I heard Silas +Jones remark, and with a look designed to be very reproachful. + +"Don't tell me that. Melissa Bunting would soon console thee." + +"Thee stands city life quite well, Emily," said Mrs. Yocomb. + +"Yes, better than I once did. I am learning how to live there and +still enjoy a little of your quiet; but were it not for my long +summers in the country I fear it would go hard with me also." + +"You have suggested my remedy," I said. "My business does not permit +much chance for rest, unless it is taken resolutely; and, like many +other sinners, I have great reforms in contemplation." + +"It must be a dreadful business that came so near killing you," Adah +remarked, looking at me curiously. "What can it be?" + +Mrs. Yocomb glanced at her daughter reprovingly, but Miss Warren's +eyes were dancing, and I saw she was enjoying my rather blank look +immensely. + +T decided, however, that honesty and audacity would be my best allies, +and at the same time I hoped to punish Adah a little through her +curiosity, + +"I must admit that it is a dreadful business. Deeds of darkness occupy +much of my time; and when good, honest men, like your father, are +asleep, my brain, and hand are busiest. Now you see what a suspicious +character your father and mother have harbored in their unquestioning +hospitality." + +The young lady looked at me with a thoroughly perplexed and half +alarmed expression, + +"My gracious!" she exclaimed. "What do you do?" + +"You do not look as if 'inclined to mercy,'" I replied. "Mr. Yocomb +and Miss Warren believe in the terrors of the law, so I have decided +to make a full confession to Mrs. Yocomb after supper. I think that I +am one of the 'transgressors' that she could 'coax.'" + +After a momentary and puzzled glance at my laughing critic, Mrs. +Yocomb said: + +"Emily Warren knows thy secret." + +"So you have told Emily Warren, but will not tell us," Adah +complained, in a piqued tone and manner. + +"Indeed, you are mistaken. Miss Warren found me out by intuition. I am +learning that there is no occasion to tell her things: she sees them." + +Mr. Yocomb's face wore a decidedly puzzled look, and contained also +the suggestion of an apt guess. + +"Well," he said, "thee has shown the shrewdness of an editor, and a +Yankee one at that." + +Miss Warren now laughed outright. + +"Thee thinks," he continued, "that if thee gets mother on thy side +thee's safe. I guess I'll adopt a common editorial policy, and sit +safely on the fence till I hear what mother says to thy confession." + +"Are you laughing at me?" I asked Miss Warren, with an injured air. + +"To think that one of your calling should have got into such a +dilemma!" she said, in a low tone. "It's delicious!" + +"My cheeks may become bronzed, but never brazen, Miss Warren. My +guilelessness should touch your sympathies." + +"Well," said Adah, with rather a spiteful look at Miss Warren, "I'm +glad I've not got a prying disposition. I talked with you half the +afternoon and did not find you out." + +Even Mrs. Yocomb laughed at this. + +"Now, Miss Warren," I said, turning to her with a triumphant look, "I +hope you feel properly quenched." + +"Is there any record of your crime, or misfortune, or whatever it may +be, in Miss Warren's newspaper?" asked Silas Jones, with a slight +sneer. + +"Yes, sir, of both, if the truth must be told," I replied. "That is +the way she found me out." + +This unexpected admission increased the perplexity all around, and +also added to Miss Warren's merriment. + +"Where is the paper?" said Adah, quickly. + +At this peculiar proof of his daughter's indifference Mr. Yocomb +fairly exploded with laughter. He seemingly shared his wife's +confidence in Miss Warren to that degree that the young lady's +knowledge of my business, combined with her manner, was a guarantee +against anything seriously wrong. Moreover, the young girl's laugh was +singularly contagious. Its spontaneity and heartiness were +irresistible, and I feared that her singing would not be half so +musical. + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, rising, "if thee wishes to free +thy mind, or conscience, or heart, I will now give thee an +opportunity." + +"My fate is in your hands. If you send me back to my old life and work +I will go at once." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Miss Warren, in mock gravity, "now there is a touch of +tragedy in your words. Must we all hold our breaths till you return, +absolved or condemned?" + +"And were I condemned would you breathe freely?" + +"Yes, indeed I would, if Mrs. Yocomb condemned you. But after my sense +of justice was satisfied I might be moved to pity." + +"And you think I may become a pitiable object?" + +"You would be, indeed, if Mrs. Yocomb condemned you." + +"Lead on," I exclaimed, with a gesture of mock tragedy; "this is the +hour of destiny." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +A FRIEND + + +"Richard Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb, as she sat down encouragingly near +me in the low-studded parlor, "thee does not look into my eyes as if +thee had a great burden on thy conscience." + +"I have a great fear in my heart," I said. + +"The two should go together," she remarked a little gravely; "and +strength will be given thee to cast away both." + +The spirit of jesting left me at once, and I know that I looked into +her kind motherly face very wistfully and appealingly. After a moment +I asked: + +"Mrs. Yocomb, did you ever treat an utter stranger so kindly before?" + +"I think so," she said, with a smile. "Emily Warren came to us an +entire stranger and we already love her very much." + +"I can understand that. Miss Warren is a genuine woman--one after your +own heart. I was not long in finding that out. But I am a man of the +world, and you must have noted the fact from the first." + +"Richard Morton, supposing thee is a sinner above all others in +Galilee, where do I find a warrant for the 'I am better than thou' +spirit?" + +She said these words so gently and sincerely that they touched my very +soul, and I exclaimed: + +"If evil had been my choice a thousand years, you might me from it." + +She shook her head gravely as she said: + +"Thee doesn't understand. Weak is the arm of flesh." + +"But kindness and charity are omnipotent." + +"Yes, if thee turns to Omnipotence for them. But far be it from me to +judge thee, Richard Morton. Because thee does not walk just where I am +walking is no proof that thou art not a pilgrim." + +"I must tell you in all sincerity that I am not. My brain, heart, and +soul have been absorbed by the world, and not by its best things +either. Fifteen years ago, when scarcely more than a child, I was left +alone in it. I have feared it inexpressibly, and with good reason. I +have fought it, and have often been worsted. At times I have hated it; +but as I began to succeed I learned to love it, and to serve it with +an ambition that gave me so little respite that yesterday I thought +that I was a broken and worn-out man. If ever the world had a slave, I +am one; but there have been times during this June day when I +earnestly wished that I might break my chains; and your serene, kindly +face, that is in such blessed contrast to its shrewd, exacting, and +merciless spirit, gave hope from the first." + +"So thee has been alone in the world since thee was a little boy," she +said, in a tone that seemed the echo of my dead mother's voice. + +"Since I was twelve years of age," I replied, after a moment, and +looking away. I could not meet her kind eyes as I added: "My mother's +memory has been the one good, sacred influence of my life; but I have +not been so true to it as I ought to have been--nothing like so true." + +"Has thee no near friends or relatives?" + +"I have acquaintances by the hundred, but there is no one to whom I +could speak as I have to you, whom I have known but a few hours. A man +has intuitions sometimes as well as a woman." + +"How strange it all is!" said Mrs. Yocomb, with a sigh, and looking +absently out of the window to where the sun glowed not far above the +horizon. Its level rays lighted up her face, making it so beautiful +and noble that I felt assured that I had come to the right one for +light and guidance. "Every heart seems to have its burden when the +whole truth is known," she added, meditatively. "I wonder if any are +exempt. Thee seemed indeed a man of the world when jesting at the +table, but now I see thy true self Thee is right, Richard Morton; thee +can speak to me as to thy friend." + +"I fear your surmise is true, Mrs. Yocomb; for in two instances to-day +have I caught glimpses of burdens heavier than mine." She looked at me +hastily, and her face grew pale. I relieved her by quietly continuing: + +"Whether you have a burden on your heart or not, one thing I know to +be true--the burdened in heart or conscience would instinctively turn +to you. I am conscious that it is this vital difference between your +spirit and that of the world which leads me to speak as I do. Except +as we master and hold our own in the world, it informs us that we are +of little account--one of millions; and our burdens and sorrows are +treated as sickly sentimentalities. There is no isolation more perfect +than that of a man of the world among people of his own kind, with +whom manifestations of feeling are weaknesses, securing prompt +ridicule. Reticence, a shrewd alertness to the main chance of the +hour, and the spirit of the entire proverb, 'Every man for himself,' +become such fixed characteristics that I suppose there is danger that +the deepest springs in one's nature may dry up, and no Artesian shaft +of mercy or truth be able to find anything in a man's soul save arid +selfishness. In spite of all that conscience can say against me--and +it can say very much--I feel sure that I have not yet reached that +hopeless condition." + +"No, Richard Morton, thee has not." + +"I honestly hope I never may, and yet I fear it. Perhaps the turning- +point has come when I must resolutely look my old life and its +tendencies in the face and as resolutely work out such changes as true +manhood requires. If you will permit a metaphor, I feel like a +shipmaster whom a long-continued and relentless gale has driven into +an unexpected and quiet harbor. Before I put to sea again I would like +to rest, make repairs, and get my true bearings, otherwise I may make +shipwreck altogether. And so, impelled by my stress and need, I +venture to ask if you will permit me to become an inmate of your home +for a time on terms similar to those that you have made with Miss +Warren. That you may very naturally decline is the ground of the fear +to which I referred." + +"Richard Morton," said the old lady heartily, "thee's welcome to stay +with us as long as thee pleases, and to come whenever thee can. The +leadings in this case are plain, and I shall pray the kind Heavenly +Father that all thy hopes may be realized." + +"One has been realized truly. You cannot know how grateful I am." + +"Thee's welcome, surely, and father will tell thee so, too. Come," and +she led me out to the further end of the veranda, where Mr. Yocomb sat +with Miss Warren, his daughters, and Silas Jones grouped near him. + +"Well," exclaimed Adah eagerly, "what is Mr. Morton's calling? It +must, indeed, be a dreadful business, since you have had such a long +and serious time." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked at me a little blankly. + +"I declare," I exclaimed, laughing, "I forgot to tell you." + +"Forgot to tell!" cried Adah. "Why, what on earth did you tell? There +is nothing about you in this paper that I can find." + +Mr. Yocomb looked perplexed, and I saw Miss Warren's quick glance at +Mrs. Yocomb, who smiled back reassuringly. + +"Father," she said, "Richard Morton wishes to stay with us for a time, +I have told him that he was welcome, and that thee would tell him so, +too. I think thee will. Thee may ask him any questions thee pleases. I +am satisfied." + +"Thee is mistress of thy home, mother, and if thee's satisfied I am. +Richard Morton, thee's welcome. Thee was wise to get mother on thy +side." + +"So I instinctively felt ever since I saw her at the meeting-house +door." + +"Perhaps mother gave thee a bit of a sermon?" + +"She has given me two things that a man can't be a man without--hope +and courage." + +"Well, thee does kind of look as if thee had plucked up heart." + +"You, too, are catching the infection of this home," Miss Warren said, +in a low voice, as she stood near me. + +"So soon? I feel that I shall need an exposure of several weeks. There +is now but one obstacle in the way." + +"Ah, yes! I remember what you said. It's time you explained." + +"Not yet." And I turned and answered Adah's perplexed and frowning +brow. + +"You will find me in that paper, Miss Adah, as one of its chief +faults. I am one of its editors, and this fact will reveal to you the +calling from which I and many others, no doubt, have suffered. Thus +you see that, after all, I have revealed my secret to you only. To +your mother I revealed myself. I hope, sir, you will not reverse your +decision?" I said to Mr. Yocomb. + +The old gentleman laughed heartily as he answered, "I have had my say +about editors in general. Mother and--I may add--something in thy own +manner, has inclined me to except present company. But I'll read thy +paper since Emily Warren takes it, so thee'd better beware." + +I saw that Adah was regarding me with complacency, and seemed +meditating many other questions. I had fully decided, however, that +while I should aim to keep her goodwill I would not permit her to make +life a burden by her inane chatter, or by any sense of proprietorship +in me. She must learn, as speedily as possible, that I was not one of +her "half-dozen young men." + +"Richard Morton, thee can keep thy room, and I hope thee will not find +our quiet, homely ways irksome, since we cannot greatly change them," +said my hostess. + +"I have a request to make, Mrs. Yocomb," I replied earnestly; "and I +shall derive no pleasure or benefit from my sojourn with you unless +you grant it. It is, that your family life may go on just the same as +if I were not here. As surely as I see that I am a source of restraint +or extra care and trouble, you will drive me out into the wilderness +again. You know why I wish to stay with you," I added meaningly. + +"We shall take thee at thy word," said Mrs. Yocomb, with a smile on +her lips but a very wistful, kindly light in her eyes. + +"Reuben, tell Richard Morton the truth," said his father. "Would it +give thee a great deal of trouble or much pleasure to take Dapple and +drive to the village for friend Morton's valise?" + +The youth, who was a good-natured and manly boy, to whom Sundays +passed a trifle slowly, sprang up with such alacrity that I laughed as +I said, "No need of words, Reuben, but I owe you a good turn all the +same." Then turning to Miss Warren, I continued: + +"You have been here a week. Will your conscience permit you to teach +me a little topography? It would be no worse than reading that +newspaper." + +"Indeed, I think it might be better. It will be a useful task, at +least; for, left to yourself, you might get lost, and make Mr. Yocomb +no end of trouble. Did you not tell me, sir (to our host), that on one +occasion you had to hunt some one up with fish-horns, lanterns, etc.?" + +"Yes, and he was from New York, too," said Mr. Yocomb. + +"If I get lost, leave me to my fate. There will be one editor the +less." + +"Very true; but I'd rather have thee on thy paper than on my +conscience. So Emily Warren, thee look after him, and show him the +right and proper ways, for I am now too old to enjoy a night hunt, +even with the music of fish-horns to cheer us on. I ask thee, Emily, +for some of thine instead when thee comes back." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +THE MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES + + +"Is it a task, then, to show me the right paths and proper ways?" I +asked, as we strolled away, leaving Adah looking as if--in her +curiosity to know more of the new species, a night editor--she wished +Silas Jones in the depths of the Dead Sea. + +"That may depend on how apt and interesting a scholar you prove. I'm a +teacher, you know, and teaching some of my scholars is drudgery, and +others a pleasure." + +"So I'm put on my good behavior at once." + +"You ought to be on your good behavior anyway--this is Sunday." + +"Yes, and June. If a man is not good now he'll never be. And yet such +people as Mrs. Yocomb--nor will I except present company--make me +aware that I am not good--far from it." + +"I am glad Mrs. Yocomb made just that impression on you." + +"Why?" + +"Because it proves you a better man than your words suggest, and, what +is of more consequence, a receptive man. I should have little hope for +any one who came from a quiet talk with Mrs. Yocomb in a complacent +mood or merely disposed to indulge in a few platitudes on the +sweetness and quaintness of her character, and some sentimentalities +in regard to Friends. If the depths of one's nature were not stirred, +then I would believe that there were no depths. She is doing me much +good, and giving me just the help I needed." + +"I can honestly say that she uttered one sentence that did find +soundings in such shallow depths as exist in my nature, and I ought to +be a better man for it hereafter." + +"She may have found you dreadfully bad, Mr. Morton: but I saw from her +face that she did not find you shallow. If she had, you would not have +touched her so deeply." + +"I touched her?" + +"Yes. Women understand each other. Something you said--but do not +think I'm seeking to learn what it was--moved her sympathies." + +"Oh, she's kind and sympathetic toward every poor mortal." + +"Very true; but she's intensely womanly; and a woman is incapable of a +benevolence and sympathy that are measured out by the yard--so much to +each one, according to the dictates of judgment. You were so fortunate +as to move Mrs. Yocomb somewhat as she touched your feelings; and you +have cause to be glad; for she can be a friend that will make life +richer." + +"I think I can now recall what excited her sympathies, and may tell +you some time, that is, if you do not send me away." + +"I send you away?" + +"Yes, I told you that you were the one obstacle to my remaining." + +She looked at me as if perplexed and a little hurt. I did not reply at +once, for her countenance was so mobile, so obedient to her thought +and feeling, that I watched its varied expressions with an interest +that constantly deepened. In contrast to Adah Yocomb's her face was +usually pale; and yet it had not the sickly pallor of ill-health, but +the clear, transparent complexion that is between the brunette and the +blonde. Her eyes were full, and the impression of largeness, when she +looked directly at you, was increased by a peculiar outward curve of +their long lashes. + +Whether her eyes could be called blue I could not yet decide, and they +seemed to darken and grow a little cold as she now looked at me; but +she merely said, quietly: + +"I do not understand you." + +"This was your chosen resting-place for the summer, was it not, Miss +Warren?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, then, what right have I, an entire stranger, to come blundering +along like a June beetle and disturb your rest? You did not look +forward to associations with night editors and like disreputable +people when you chose this sheltered nook of the world, and nestled +under Mrs. Yocomb's wing. You have the prior right here." + +As I spoke, her face so changed that it reminded me of the morning of +this eventful day when I first looked out upon its brightness, and as +I ceased her laugh rang out heartily. + +"So after all your fate is in my hands." + +"It is. You have pre-empted this claim." + +"Suppose I am a little non-committal, and should say, You may spend +the evening, you may stay till to-morrow; would you be content?" + +"No, indeed, but I would have to submit." + +"Well, this is rich. Who ever heard of an editor--and the shrewd, +alert, night editor at that--in such a dilemma! Do you realize what an +unwise step you have taken? Mr. Yocomb justly complimented your +shrewdness in getting Mrs. Yocomb on your side, and having won her +over you were safe, and might have remained in this Eden as long as +you chose. Now you place it within the power--the caprice even--of an +utter stranger to send you out into the wilderness again." + +I said, with a smile, "I am satisfied that you differ from your mother +Eve in one respect." + +"Ah! in what respect?" + +"You are not the kind of woman that causes banishment from Eden." + +"You know very little about me, Mr. Morton." + +"I know that." + +She smiled and looked pleased in spite of herself. + +"I think I'll let you stay till--till to-morrow," she said, with an +arch side glance; then added, with a laugh, "What nonsense we are +talking! As if you had not as good a right to be here as I have." + +"I beg your pardon. I spoke in downright sincerity. You found this +quiet place first. In a large hotel, all kinds of people can meet +almost as they do on Broadway; but here we must dwell together as one +family, and I feel that I have no right to force on you any +association without your leave, especially as you are here alone. In a +certain sense I introduce myself, and compel you to meet me socially +without your permission. You may have formed a very different plan for +your summer's rest." + +"It is rather rare for a music-teacher to receive so much +consideration. It bewilders me a little." + +"Pardon me. I soon discovered that you possessed woman's highest +rank." + +"Indeed! Am I a princess in disguise?" + +"You are more than many princesses have been--a lady. And, as I said +before, you are here alone." + +She turned and looked at me intently, and I felt that if I had not +been sincere she would have known it. It was a peculiar and, I +eventually learned, a characteristic act. I am now inclined to think +that she saw the precise attitude of my mind and feeling toward her; +but my awakening interest was as far removed from curiosity as is our +natural desire to have a melody completed, the opening strains of +which are captivating. + +Her face quickly lost its aspect of grave scrutiny, and she looked +away, with a slight accession of color. + +"Do you want to stay very much?" she asked. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed, and my expression must have been eager and +glad, "you looked at me then as you would at a doubtful stranger, and +your glance was searching. You looked as only a woman can--as one who +would see her way rather than reason it out. Now tell me in sincerity +what you saw." + +"You know from my manner what I saw," she said, smiling and blushing +slightly. + +"No, I only hoped; I have not a woman's eyesight." + +She bit her lip, contracted her wide, low brow for a moment, then +turned and said frankly: + +"I did not mean to be rude in my rather direct glance. Even though a +music-teacher, I have had compliments before, and I have usually found +them as empty and insincere as the people who employed them. I am +somewhat alone in the world, Mr. Morton, and I belong to that class of +timid and rather helpless creatures whose safety lies in their +readiness to run to cover. I have found truth the best cover for me, +situated as I am. I aim to be just what I seem--neither more nor less; +and I am very much afraid of people who do not speak the truth, +especially when they are disposed to say nice things." + +"And you saw?" + +"I saw that bad as you are, I could trust you," she said, laughing; "a +fact that I was glad to learn since you are so bent on forcing your +society upon us all for a time." + +"Thank Heaven!" I exclaimed, "I thought yesterday that I was a +bankrupt, but I must have a little of the man left in me to have +passed this ordeal. Had I seen distrust in your eyes and consequent +reserve in your manner, I should have been sorely wounded." + +"No," she replied, shaking her head, "when a man's character is such +as to excite distrust, he could not be so sorely wounded as you +suggest." + +"I'm not sure of that," I said. "I think a man may know himself to be +weak and wicked, and yet suffer greatly from such consciousness." + +"Why should he weakly suffer? Why not simply do right? I can endure a +certain amount of honest wickedness, but there is a phase of moral +weakness that I detest," and for a moment her face wore an aspect that +would have made any one wronging her tremble, for it was pure, strong, +and almost severe. + +"I do believe," I said, "that men are more merciful to the foibles of +humanity than women." "You are more tolerant, perhaps. Ah! there's +Dapple," and she ran to meet the spirited horse that was coming from +the farmyard. Reuben, driving, sat confidently in his light open +wagon, and his face indicated that he and the beautiful animal he +could scarcely restrain shared equally in their enjoyment of young, +healthful life. I was alarmed to see Miss Warren run forward, since at +the moment Dapple was pawing the air. A second later she was patting +his arched neck and rubbing her cheek against his nose. He looked as +if he liked it. Well he might. + +"Oh, Reuben," she cried, "I envy you. I haven't seen a horse in town +that could compare with Dapple." + +The young fellow was fairly radiant as he drove away. + +She looked after him wistfully, and drew a long sigh. + +"Ah!" she said, "they do me good after my city life. There's life for +you, Mr. Morton--full, overflowing, innocent life--in the boy and in +the horse. Existence, motion, is to them happiness. It seems a pity +that both must grow old and weary! My hand fairly tingles yet from my +touch of Dapple's neck, he was so alive with spirit. What is it that +animates that great mass of flesh and blood, bone and sinew, making +him so strong, yet so gentle. At a blow he would have dashed +everything to pieces, but he is as sensitive to kindness as I am. I +sometimes half think that Dapple has as good a right to a soul as I +have. Perhaps you are inclined toward Turkish philosophy, and think so +too." + +"I should be well content to go to the same heaven that receives you +and Dapple. You are very fearless, Miss Warren, thus to approach a +rearing horse." + +Her answer was a slight scream, and she caught my arm as if for +protection. At the moment I spoke a sudden turning in the lane brought +us face to face with a large matronly cow that was quietly ruminating +and switching away the flies. She turned upon us her large, mild, +"Juno-like" eyes, in which one might imagine a faint expression of +surprise, but nothing more. + +My companion was trembling, and she said hurriedly: + +"Please let us turn back, or go some other way." + +"Why, Miss Warren," I exclaimed, "what is the matter?" + +"That dreadful cow! Cows are my terror." + +I laughed outright as I said, "Now is the time for me to display +courage, and prove than an editor can be the knight-errant of the age. +Upon my soul, Miss Warren, I shall protect you whatever horn of this +dilemma I may be impaled upon." Then advancing resolutely toward the +cow, I added, "Madam, by your leave, we must pass this way." + +At my approach the "dreadful cow" turned and ran down the lane to the +pasture field, in a gait peculiarly feminine. + +"Now you know what it is to have a protector," I said, returning. + +"I'm glad you're not afraid of cows," she replied complacently. "I +shall never get over it. They are my terror." + +"There is one other beast," I said, "that I am sure would inspire you +with equal dread." + +"I know you are going to say a mouse. Well, it may seem very silly to +you, but I can't help it. I'm glad I wasn't afraid of Dapple, for you +now can think me a coward only in streaks." + +"It does appear to me irresistibly funny that you, who, alone and +single-handed, have mastered this great world so that it is under your +foot, should have quailed before that inoffensive cow, which is +harmless as the milk she gives." + +"A woman, Mr. Morton, is the mystery of mysteries--the one problem of +the world that will never be solved. We even do not understand +ourselves." + +"For which truth I am devoutly thankful. I imagine that instead of a +week, as Mr. Yocomb said, it would require a lifetime to get +acquainted with some women. I wish my mother had lived. I'm sure that +she would have been a continuous revelation to me. I know that she had +a great deal of sorrow, and yet my most distinct recollection of her +is her laugh. No earthly sound ever had for me so much meaning as her +laugh. I think she laughed when other people would have cried. There's +a tone in your laugh that has recalled to me my mother again and again +this afternoon." + +"I hope it is not a source of pain," she said gently. + +"Far from it," I replied. "Memories of my mother give me pleasure, but +I rarely meet with one to whom I would even think of mentioning her +name." + +"I do not remember my mother," she said sadly. + +"Come," I resumed hastily, "you admit that you have been dull and +lonely to-day. Look at that magnificent glow in the west. So assuredly +ended in brightness the lives of those we loved, however clouded their +day may have been at times. This June evening, so full of glad sounds, +is not the time for sad thoughts. Listen to the robins, to that saucy +oriole yonder on the swaying elm-branch. Beyond all, hear that thrush. +Can you imagine a more delicious refinement of sound? Let us give way +to sadness when we must, and escape from it when we can. I would +prefer to continue up this shady lane, but it may prove too shadowy, +and so color our thoughts. Suppose we return to the farmyard, where +Mr. Yocomb is feeding the chickens, and then look through the old +garden together. You are a country woman, for you have been here a +week; and so I shall expect you to name and explain everything. At any +rate you shall not be blue any more to-day if I can prevent it. You +see I am trying to reward your self-sacrifice in letting me stay till +to-morrow." + +"You are so considerate that I may let you remain a little longer." + +"What is that fable about the camel? If he once gets his head in--" + +"He next puts his foot in it, is the sequel, perhaps," she replied, +with the laugh that was becoming to me like a refrain of music that I +could not hear too often. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +"OLD PLOD" + + +"Emily Warren, why does thee bring Richard Morton back so soon?" asked +Mr. Yocomb, suspending for a moment the sweep of his hand that was +scattering grain. + +"You are mistaken, sir," I said; "I brought Miss Warren back. I +thought she would enjoy seeing you feed the poultry, the horses, and +especially the cows." + +"Thee's more self-denying than I'd a been," he resumed, With his +humorous twinkle. "Don't tell mother, but I wouldn't mind taking a +walk with Emily Warren myself on a June evening like this." + +"I will take a walk with you whenever you wish," laughed Miss Warren; +"but I'll surely tell Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Oh! I know I'd get found out," said the old man, shaking his head +ruefully; "I always do." + +"I'm sure you would if Miss Warren were here," I added. "I'm at a loss +to know how early in the day she found me out." + +"Well, I guess thee's a pretty square sort of a man. If thee'd been +stealing sheep Emily Warren wouldn't laugh at thee so approvingly. I'm +finding out that she rather likes the people she laughs at. At least, +I take that view, for she laughs at me a great deal. I knew from Emily +Warren's laugh that thee hadn't anything very bad to tell mother." + +"I admit that, at the time, I enjoyed being laughed at--a rather rare +experience." + +"You needn't, either of you, plume yourselves that you are +irresistibly funny. I laugh easily. Mr. Yocomb, why do you feed the +chickens so slowly? I have noticed it before. Now Reuben and Hiram, +the man, throw the corn all down at once." + +"They are in more of a hurry than I am. I don't like to do anything in +a hurry, least of all to eat my dinner. Now, why should these +chickens, turkeys and ducks gobble everything right down? The corn +seems to taste good to them; so, after a handful, I wait till they +have had a chance to think how good the last kernel was before they +get another. You see I greatly prolong their pleasure." + +"And in these intervals you meditate on Thanksgiving Day, I suppose," +she said. + +"Emily Warren, thee's a good Yankee. I admit that that young gobbler +there did suggest a day on which I'm always very thankful, and with +good reason. I had about concluded before thee came that, if we were +both spared--i.e., that gobbler and I--till next November, I would +probably survive him." + +"How can you have the heart to plan against that poor creature's life +so coolly? See how he turns his round, innocent eyes toward you, as if +in gratitude. If he could know that the hand that feeds him would chop +off his head, what a moral shock he would sustain! That upturned beak +should be to you like a reproachful face." + +"Emily Warren, we expect thee to eat thy Thanksgiving dinner with us; +and that young gobbler will probably be on the table. Now what part of +him will thee take on that occasion?" + +"A piece of the breast, if you please." + +"Richard Morton, is not Emily Warren as false and cruel as I am?" + +"Just about." + +"Is thee not afraid of her?" + +"I would be if she were unfriendly." + +"Oh, thee thinks everybody in this house is friendly. Emily Warren, +thee must keep up our good name," he added, with a mischievous nod +toward her. + +"Mr. Yocomb, you are forgetting the chickens altogether. There are +some staid and elderly hens that are going to bed in disgust, you have +kept them waiting so long." + +"See how quick they'll change their minds," he said, as he threw down +a handful of corn. "Now isn't that just like a hen?" he added, as they +hastened back. + +"And just like a woman also, I'm sure you want to suggest," said Miss +Warren. + +"I suppose thee never changes thy mind." + +"I'm going to change the subject. Poultry with their feathers on don't +interest me very much. The male birds remind me of a detestable class +of conceited men, that one must see daily in the city, whose gallantry +is all affectation, and who never for a moment lose sight of +themselves or their own importance. That strutting gobbler there, Mr. +Morton, reminds me of certain eminent statesmen whom your paper +delights to honor, and I imagine that that ridiculous creature +embodies their idea of the American eagle. Then the hens have such a +simple, unthinking aspect. They act as if they expected to be crowed +over as a matter of course; and thus typify the followers of these +statesmen, who are so pre-eminent in their own estimation. Their +exalted perches seem to be awarded unquestioningly." + +"So you think, Miss Warren, that I have the simple, unthinking aspect +typified by the physiognomy of these hens?" + +"Mr. Morton, I was generalizing. We always except present company. +Remember, I disagree with your paper, not you; but why you look up to +these human species of the gobbler is something I can't understand, +and being only a _woman_, that need not seem strange to you." + +"Since I must tell you the truth on all occasions, _nolens volens_, +you have hit on a subject wherein I differ from my paper. Human phases +of the gobbler are not pleasant." + +"But the turkey phase _is, very_," said Mr. Yocomb, throwing a +handful of corn down before his favorite, which, like certain +eminent statesmen, immediately looked after his own interests. + +"Mr. Yocomb, please, let me help you feed the horses," said Miss +Warren, leading the way into the barn, where on one side were mows for +hay and grain, and, on the other, stalls for several horses. The sleek +and comfortable animals seemed to know the young girl, for they thrust +out their black and brown noses toward her and projected their ears +instead of laying them back viciously, as when I approached; and one +old plow-horse that had been much neglected, until Miss Warren began +to pet him, gave a loud ecstatic whinny. + +"Oh, you big, honest old fellows!" she exclaimed, caressing one and +another, "I'd rather teach you than half my pupils." + +"In which half do you place me?" I asked. + +"You? oh, I forgot; I was to teach you topography. I will assign you +by and by, after you have had a few lessons." + +"A man ought to do as well as a horse, so I hope to win your favor." + +"I wish all men did as well as Mr. Yocomb's horses. They evidently +feel they have the family name and respectability to keep up. Mr. +Yocomb, what is it that smells so sweetly?" + +"That is the red-top clover we cut last week." + +"Oh, isn't it good? I wouldn't mind having some myself," and she +snatched down a fragrant handful from the mow. "Here, Old Plod," she +said, turning to the plow-horse, "the world has rather snubbed you, as +it has honest worth before. Mr. Yocomb, you and Reuben are much too +fond of gay horses." + +"Shall I tell Reuben that thee'd rather ride after Old Plod, as thee +calls him?" + +"No, I thank you; I'll go on as I've begun. I'm not changeable." + +"Now, Friend Morton, is not Emily Warren as bad as I am about gay +horses?" + +"I'm inclined to think she is about as bad as you are in all +respects." + +"Emily Warren, thee needn't put on any more airs. Richard Morton +thinks thee isn't any better than I am, and there's nothing under the +sun an editor doesn't know." + +"I wish he were right this time," she said, with a laugh and sigh +curiously blended. "It seems to me, Mr. Yocomb, that you have grown +here in the country like your clover-hay, and are as good and +wholesome. In New York it is so different, especially if one has no +home life; you breathe a different atmosphere from us in more respects +than one. This fragrant old barn appears to me more of a sanctuary +than some churches in which I have tried to worship, and its dim +evening light more religious." "According to your faith," I said, "no +shrine has ever contained so precious a gift as a manger." + +"According to _our_ faith, if you please, Mr. Morton." + +By an instinct that ignored a custom of the Friends, but exemplified +their spirit, the old man took off his hat as he said, "Yes, friend +Morton, according to _our_ faith. The child that was cradled in a +manger tends to make the world innocent." + +"The old barn has indeed become a sanctuary," I thought, in the brief +silence that followed. Miss Warren stepped to the door, and I saw a +quick gesture of her hands to her eyes. Then she turned and said, in +her piquant way: + +"Mr. Yocomb, our talk reminds me of the long grace in Latin which the +priests said before meals, and which the hungry people couldn't +understand. The horses are hinting broadly that oats would be more +edifying. If it were Monday, I'd wager you a plum that they would all +leave your oats to eat clover-hay out of my hand." + +"We'll arrange about the bet to-morrow, and now try the experiment," +said Mr. Yocomb, relapsing into his genial humor at once. + +I was learning, however, that a deep, earnest nature was hidden by +this outward sheen and sparkle. Filling his four-quart measure from +the cobwebbed bin, he soon gave each horse his allowance. + +"Now, Richard Morton, thee watch her, and see that she doesn't coax +too much, or come it over them with any unlawful witchery. Take the +hay thyself, Emily, and we'll stand back." + +I went to the further end of the barn, near Old Plod, and stood where +I could see the maiden's profile against the light that streamed +through the open door. Never shall I forget the picture I then saw. +The tall, ample figure of the old Quaker stood in the background, and +his smile was broad and genial enough to have lighted up a dungeon. +Above him rose the odorous clover, a handful of which Miss Warren held +out to the horse in the first stall. Her lips were parted, her eyes +shining, and her face had the intent, eager interest of a child, while +her attitudes and motions were full of unstudied and unconscious +grace. + +The first horse munched stolidly away at his oats. She put the +tempting wisp against his nose, at which he laid back his ears and +looked vicious. She turned to Mr. Yocomb, and the old barn echoed to a +laugh that was music itself as she said: + +"You have won your plum, if it is Sunday. I shall try all the other +horses, however, and thus learn to value correctly the expressions of +affection I have received from these long-nosed gentlemen." + +One after another they munched on, regardless of the clover. Step by +step she came nearer to me, smiling and frowning at her want of +success. My heart thrilled at a beauty that was so unconventional and +so utterly self-forgetful. The blooming clover, before it fell at a +sweep of the scythe, was the fit emblem of her then, she looked so +young, so fair, and sweet. + +"They are as bad as men," she exclaimed, "who will forgive any wrong +rather than an interruption at dinner." + +She now stood at my side before Old Plod, that thus far, in his +single-minded attention to his oats, had seemingly forgotten her +presence; but, as he lifted his head from the manger and saw her, he +took a step forward, and reached his great brown nose toward her, +rather than for the clover. In brief, he said, in his poor dumb way: + +"I like you better than hay or oats." + +The horse's simple, undisguised affection, for some reason, touched +the girl deeply; for she dropped the hay and threw her arm around the +horse's head, leaning her face against his. I saw a tear in her eye as +she murmured: + +"You have more heart than all the rest put together. I don't believe +any one was ever kind to you before, and you've been a bit lonely, +like myself." Then she led the way hastily out of the barn, saying, +"Old Plod and I are sworn friends from this time forth; and I shall +take your advice, Old Plod." + +I was soon at her side, and asked: + +"What advice did Old Plod give you?" + +For some inexplicable reason she colored deeply, then laughed as she +said: + +"It's rarely wise to think aloud; but impulsive people will do it +sometimes. I suppose we all occasionally have questions to decide that +to us are perplexing and important, though of little consequence to +the world. Come; if we are to see the old garden, we must make the +most of the fading light. After my interview with Old Plod, I can't +descend to cows and pigs; so good-by, Mr. Yocomb." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +A BIT OF EDEN + + +"This is my first entrance into Eden," I said, as we passed through +the rustic gate made of cedar branches and between posts green with +American ivy. + +"Like another man, you won't stay here long." + +"Like Adam, I shall certainly go out when you do." + +"That will be before very long, since I have promised Mr. Yocomb some +music." + +"Even though a Bohemian editor, as you may think, I am conscious of a +profound gratitude to some beneficent power, for I never could have +chosen so wisely myself. I might have been in Sodom and Gomorrah--for +New York in contrast seems a union of both--receiving reports of the +crimes and casualties of the day, but I am here with this garden in +the foreground and music in the background." + +"You don't know anything about the music, and you may yet wish it so +far in the background as to be inaudible." + +"I admit that I will be in a dilemma when we reach the music, for no +matter how much I protest, you will know just what I think." + +"Yes, you had better be honest." + +"Come, open for me the treasures of your ripe experience. You have +been a week in the country. I know you will give me a rosebud--a rare +old-fashioned one, if you please, with a quaint, sweet meaning, for I +see that such abound in this garden, and I am wholly out of humor with +the latest mode in everything. Recalling your taste for homely, honest +worth, as shown by your passion for Old Plod, I shall seek a blossom +among the vegetables for you. Ah, here is one that is sweet, white, +and pretty," and I plucked a cluster of flowers from a potato-hill. +"By the way, what flower is this?" I asked demurely. + +She looked at it blankly for a moment, then remarked, with a smile, +"You have said that it was sweet, white, and pretty. Why inquire +further?" + +"Miss Warren, you have been a week in the country and don't know a +potato-blossom." + +"Our relations may be changed," she said, "and you become the +teacher." + +"Oh, here comes Zillah. We will settle the question according to +Scripture. Does it not say, 'A little child shall lead them'? Who are +you so glad to see, little one, Miss Warren or me?" + +"I don't know thee very well yet," she said shyly. + +"Do you know Miss Warren very well?" + +"Oh, yes, indeed." + +"How soon did you come to know her well?" + +"The first day when she kissed me." + +"I think that's a very nice way of getting acquainted. Won't you let +me kiss you good-night when you get sleepy." + +She looked at me with a doubtful smile, and said, "I'm afraid thy +mustache will tickle me." + +The birds were singing in the orchard near, but there was not a note +that to my ear was more musical than Miss Warren's laugh. I stooped +down before the little girl as I said: + +"Suppose we see if a kiss tickles you now, and if it don't now, you +won't mind it then, you know." + +She came hesitatingly to me, and gave the coveted salute with a +delicious mingling of maidenly shyness and childish innocence and +frankness. + +"Ah!" I exclaimed, "Eden itself contained nothing better than that. To +think that I should have been so honored--I who have written the +records of enough crimes to sink a world!" + +"Perhaps if you had committed some of them she wouldn't have kissed +you." + +"If I had to live in a ninety-nine story tenement-house, as so many +do, I think I would have committed them all. Well, I may come to it. +Life is a risky battle to such as I, but I'm in heaven now." + +"You do seem very happy," she said, looking at me wistfully. + +"I am very happy. I have given myself up wholly to the influences of +this day, letting them sway me, lead me whithersoever they will. If +this is a day of destiny, no stupid mulishness of mine shall thwart +the happy combination of the stars. That the Fates are propitious I +have singular reason to hope. Yesterday I was a broken and dispirited +man. This evening I feel the influence of all this glad June life. +Good Mrs. Yocomb has taken me in hand. I'm to study topography with a +teacher who has several other bumps besides that of locality, and +Zillah is going to show us the garden of Eden." + +"Is this like the garden of Eden?" the little girl asked, looking up +at me in surprise. + +"Well, I'm not sure that it's just like it, but I'm more than content +with this garden. In one respect I think it's better--there are no +snakes here. Now, Zillah, lead where you please, I'm in the following +mood. Do you know where any of these birds live? Do you think any of +them are at home on their nests? If so, we'll call and pay our +respects. When I was a horrid boy I robbed a bird's nest, and I often +have a twinge of remorse for it." "Do you want to see a robin's nest?" +asked Zillah excitedly. + +"Yes, indeed." + +"Then come and walk softly when I do. There's one in that lilac-bush +there. If we don't make a noise, perhaps we can see mother robin on +the nest. Sh--, sh--, very softly; now lift me up as father did-- +there, don't you see her?" + +I did for a moment, and then the bird flew away on a swift, silent +wing, but from a neighboring tree the paternal robin clamored loudly +against our intrusion. Nevertheless, Zillah and I peeped in. + +"Oh, the queer little things!" she said, "they seem all mouth and +swallow." + +"Mrs. Robin undoubtedly thinks them lovely. Miss Warren, you are not +quite tall enough, and since I can't hold you up like Zillah, I'll get +a box from the tool-house. Isn't this the jolliest housekeeping you +ever saw? A father, mother, and six children, with a house six inches +across and open to the sky. Compare that with a Fifth Avenue mansion!" + +"I think it compares very favorably with many mansions on the Avenue," +she said, after I returned with a box and she had peered for a moment +into the roofless home. + +"I thought you always spoke the truth," I remarked, assuming a look of +blank amazement. + +"Well, prove that I don't." + +"Do you mean to say that you think that a simple house, of which this +nest is the type, compares favorably with a Fifth Avenue mansion?" + +"I do." + +"What do you know about such mansions?" + +"I have pupils in some of the best of them." + +"I hear the voices of many birds, but you are the _rara avis_ of them +all," I said, looking very incredulous. + +"Not at all; I am simply matter-of-fact. Which is worth the more, a +furnished house or the growing children in it?" + +"The children ought to be." + +"Well, many a woman has so much house and furniture to look after that +she has no time for her children. The little brown mother we have +frightened away can give nearly all her time to her children; and, by +the way, they may take cold unless we depart and let her shelter them +again with her warm feathers. Besides, the protesting paterfamilias on +the pear-tree there is not aware of our good-will toward him and his, +and is naturally very anxious as to what we human monsters intend. The +mother bird keeps quiet, but she is watching us from some leafy cover +with tenfold his anxiety." + +"You will admit, however, that the man bird is doing the best he can." + +"Oh, yes, I have a broad charity for all of his kind." + +"Well, I am one of his kind, and so shall take heart and bask in your +general good-will. Stop your noise, old fellow, and go and tell your +wife that she may come home to the children. I differ from you, Miss +Warren, as I foresee I often shall. You are not matter-of-fact at all. +You are unconventional, unique--" "Why not say queer, and give your +meaning in good plain English?" + +"Because that is not my meaning. I fear you are worse--that you are +romantic. Moreover, I am told that girls who dote on love in a cottage +all marry rich men if the chance comes." She bit her lip, colored, and +seemed annoyed, but said, after a moment's hesitation, "Well, why +shouldn't they, if the rich men are the right men?" + +"Oh, I think such a course eminently proper and thrifty. I'm not +finding fault with it in the least. They who do this are a little +inconsistent, however, in shunning so carefully that ideal cottage, +over which, as young ladies, they had mild and poetic raptures. Now, I +can't associate this kind of thing with you. If you had 'drawings or +leadings,' as Mrs. Yocomb would say, toward a Fifth Avenue mansion, +you would say so in effect. I fear you are romantic, and are under the +delusion that love in a cottage means happiness. You have a very +honest face, and you looked into that nest as if you liked it." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, frowning and laughing at the same time, "I'm +not going to be argued out of self-consciousness. If we don't know +what we know, we don't know anything. I insist upon it that I am +utterly matter-of-fact in my opinions on this question. State the +subject briefly in prose. Does a family exist for the sake of a home, +or a home for the sake of a family? I know of many instances in which +the former of these suppositions is true. The father toils and wears +himself out, often gambles--speculating, some call it--and not +unfrequently cheats and steals outright in order to keep up his +establishment. The mother works and worries, smooths her wrinkled brow +to curious visitors, burdens her soul with innumerable deceits, and +enslaves herself that her house and its belongings may be as good or a +little better than her neighbor's. The children soon catch the same +spirit, and their souls become absorbed in wearing apparel. They are +complacently ignorant concerning topics of general interest and +essential culture, but would be mortified to death if suspected of +being a little off on 'good form' and society's latest whims in mode. +It is a dreary thraldom to mere things in which the soul becomes as +material, narrow, and hard as the objects which absorb it. There is no +time for that which gives ideality and breadth." + +"Do you realize that your philosophy would stop half the industries of +the world? Do you not believe in large and sumptuously furnished +houses?" + +"Yes, for those who have large incomes. One may live in a palace, and +yet not be a slave to the palace. Our home should be as beautiful as +our taste and means can make it; but, like the nest yonder, it should +simply serve its purpose, leaving us the time and means to get all the +good out of the world at large that we can." + +A sudden cloud of sadness overcast her face as she continued, after a +moment, half in soliloquy: + +"The robins will soon take wing and leave the nest; so must we. How +many have gone already!" + +"But the robins follow the sun in their flight," I said gently, "and +thus they find skies more genial than those they left." + +She gave me a quick, appreciative smile as she said: + +"That's a pleasant thought." + +"Your home must be an ideal one," I remarked unthinkingly. + +She colored slightly, and laughed as she answered: + +"I'm something like a snail; I carry my home, if not my house, around +with me. A music-teacher can afford neither a palace nor a cottage." + +I looked at her with eager eyes as I said, "Pardon me if I am unduly +frank; but on this day I'm inclined to follow every impulse, and say +just what I think, regardless of the consequences. You make upon me a +decided impression of what we men call comradeship. I feel as if I had +known you weeks and months instead of hours. Could we not have been +robins ourselves in some previous state of existence, and have flown +on a journey together?" + +"Mrs. Yocomb had better take you in hand, and teach you sobriety." + +"Yes, this June air, laden with the odors of these sweet old-style +roses and grape-blossoms, intoxicates me. These mountains lift me up. +These birds set my nerves tingling like one of Beethoven's symphonies, +played by Thomas's orchestra. In neither case do I know what the music +means, but I recognize a divine harmony. Never before have I been +conscious of such a rare and fine exhilaration. My mood is the product +of an exceptional combination of causes, and they have culminated in +this old garden. You know, too, that I am a creature of the night, and +my faculties are always at their best as darkness comes on. I may seem +to you obtuseness itself, but I feel as if I had been endowed with a +spiritual and almost unerring discernment. In my sensitive and highly +wrought condition, I know that the least incongruity or discord in +sight or sound would jar painfully. Yes, laugh at me if you will, but +nevertheless I'm going to speak my thoughts with no more restraint +than these birds are under. I'm going back for a moment to the +primitive condition of society, when there were no disguises. You are +the mystery of this garden--you who come from New York, where you seem +to have lived without the shelter of home life, to have obtained your +livelihood among conventional and artificial people, and to whom the +false, complicated world must be well known, and yet you make no more +discord in this garden than the first woman would have made. You are +in harmony with every leaf, with every flower, and every sound; with +that child playing here and there; with the daisies in the orchard; +with the little brown mother, whose children you feared might take +cold. Hush!" I said, with a deprecatory gesture, "I will speak my +mind. Never before in my life have I enjoyed the utter absence of +concealment. In the city one must use words to hide thoughts more +often than to express them, but here, in this old garden, I intend to +reproduce for a brief moment one of the conditions of Eden, and to +speak as frankly as the first man could have spoken. I am not jesting +either, nor am I irreverent. I say, in all sincerity, you are the +mystery of this garden--you who come from New York, and from a life in +which your own true womanhood has been your protection; and yet if, as +of old, God should walk in this garden in the cool of the day, it +seems to me you would not be afraid. Such is the impression--given +without reserve--that you make on me--you whom I have just seen, as it +were!" + +As she realized my sincerity she looked at me with an expression of +strong perplexity and surprise. + +"Truly, Mr. Morton," she said slowly, "you are in a strange, unnatural +mood this evening." + +"I seem so," I replied, "because absolutely true to nature. See how +far astray from Eden we all are! I have merely for a moment spoken my +thoughts without disguise, and you look as if you doubted my sanity." + +"I must doubt your judgment," she said, turning away. + +"Then why should such a clearly defined impression be made on me? For +every effect there must be a cause." + +She turned upon me suddenly, and her look was eager, searching, and +almost imperious in its demand to know the truth. + +"Are you as sincere as you are unconventional?" she asked. + +I took off my hat, as I replied, with a smile, "A garden, Miss Warren, +was the first sacred place of the world, and never were sincerer words +spoken in that primal garden." + +She looked at me a moment wistfully, and even tearfully. "I wish you +were right," she said, slowly shaking her head; "your strange mood has +infected me, I think; and I will admit that to be true is the struggle +of my life, but the effort to be true is often hard, bitterly hard, in +New York. I admit that for years truthfulness has been the goal of my +ambition. Most young girls have a father and mother and brothers to +protect them: I have had only the truth, and I cling to it with the +instinct of self-preservation." + +"You cling to it because you love it. Pardon me, you do not cling to +it at all. Truth has become the warp and woof of your nature. Ah! here +is your emblem, not growing in the garden, but leaning over the fence +as if it would like to come in, and yet, among all the roses here, +where is there one that excels this flower?" And I gathered for her +two or three sprays of sweetbrier. + +"I won't mar your bit of Eden by a trace of affectation," she said, +looking directly into my eyes in a frank and friendly manner; "I'd +rather be thought true than thought a genius, and I will make +allowance for your extravagant language and estimate on the ground of +your intoxication. You surely see double, and yet I am pleased that in +your transcendental mood I do not seem to make discord in this old +garden. This will seem to you a silly admission after you leave this +place and recover your everyday senses. I'm sorry already I made it-- +but it was such an odd conceit of yours!" and her heightened color and +glowing face proved how she relished it. + +It was an exquisite moment to me. The woman showed her pleasure as +frankly as a happy child. I had touched the keynote of her character +as I had that of Adah Yocomb's a few hours before, and in her supreme +individuality Emily Warren stood revealed before me in the garden. + +She probably saw more admiration in my face than she liked, for her +manner changed suddenly. + +"Being honest doesn't mean being made of glass," she said brusquely; +"you don't know anything about me, Mr. Morton. You have simply +discovered that I have not a leaning toward prevarication. That's all +your fine words amount to. Since I must keep up a reputation for +telling the truth, I'm obliged to say that you don't remind me of Adam +very much." + +"No, I probably remind you of a night editor, ambitious to be smart in +print." + +She bit her lip, colored a little. "I wasn't thinking of you in that +light just then," she said. "And--and Adam is not my ideal man." + +"In what light did you see me?" + +"It is growing dusky, and I won't be able to see you at all soon." + +"That's evasion." + +"Come, Mr. Morton, I hope you do not propose to keep up Eden customs +indefinitely. It's time we returned to the world to which we belong." + +"Zillah!" called Mrs. Yocomb, and we saw her coming down the garden +walk. + +"Bless me! where is the child!" I exclaimed. + +"When you began to soar into the realms of melodrama and forget the +garden you had asked her to show you, she sensibly tried to amuse +herself. She is in the strawberry-bed, Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Yes," I said, "I admit that I forgot the garden; I had good reason to +do so." + +"I think it is time we left the garden. You must remember that Mrs. +Yocomb and I are not night editors, and cannot see in the dark." + +"Mother," cried Zillah, coming forward, "see what I have found;" and +her little hands were full of ripe strawberries. "If it wasn't getting +so dark I could have found more, I'm sure," she added, + +"What, giving them all to me?" Miss Warren exclaimed, as Zillah held +out her hands to her favorite. "Wouldn't it be nicer if we all had +some?" + +"Who held you up to look into the robin's nest?" I asked +reproachfully. + +"Thee may give Richard Morton my share," said the little girl, trying +to make amends. + +I held out my hand, and Miss Warren gave me half of them. + +"Now these are mine?" I said to Zillah. "Yes!" + +"Then I'll do what I please with them." + +I picked out the largest, and stooping down beside her, continued: +"You must eat these or I won't eat any." + +"Thee's very like Emily Warren," the little girl laughed; "thee gets +around me before I know it." + +"I'll give you all the strawberries for that compliment." + +"No, thee must take half." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, you and I will divide, too. Could there possibly be a +more delicious combination!" and Miss Warren smacked her lips +appreciatively. + +"The strawberry was evolved by a chance combination of forces," I +remarked. + +"Undoubtedly," added Miss Warren, "so was my Geneva watch." + +"I like to think of the strawberry in this way," said Mrs. Yocomb. +"There are many things in the Scriptures hard to understand; so there +are in Nature. But we all love the short text: 'God is love.' The +strawberry is that text repeated in Nature." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, you could convert infidels and pagans with a gospel of +strawberries," I cried. + +"There are many Christians who prefer tobacco," said Mrs. Yocomb, +laughing. + +"That reminds me," I exclaimed, "that I have not smoked to-day. I fear +I shall fall from grace to-morrow, however." + +"Yes, I imagine you will drop from the clouds by tomorrow," Miss +Warren remarked. + +"By the way, what a magnificent cloud that is rising above the horizon +in the southwest. It appears like a solitary headland in an azure +sea." + +"Ah--h!" she said, in satirical accent. + +"Mrs. Yocomb, Miss Warren has been laughing at me ever since I came. I +may have to claim your protection." + +"No! thee and father are big enough to take care of yourselves." + +"Emily Warren, is thee and Richard Morton both lost?" called Mr. +Yocomb from the piazza. "I can't find mother either. If somebody don't +come soon I'll blow the fish-horn." + +"We're all coming," answered Mrs. Yocomb, and she led the way toward +the house. + +"You have not given me a rose yet," I said to Miss Warren. + +"Must you have one?" + +"A man never uses the word 'must' in seeking favors from a lady." + +"Adroit policy! Well, what kind of a one do you want?" + +"I told you long ago." + +"Oh, I remember. An old-fashioned one, with a pronounced meaning. Here +is a York and Lancaster bud. That has a decided old-style meaning." + +"It means war, does it not?" + +"Yes." + +"I won't take it. Yes I will, too," I said, a second later, and I took +the bud from her hand. "You know the law of war," I added: "To the +victor belong the spoils." + +She gave me a quick glance, and after a moment said, a trifle coldly, + +"That remark seems bright, but it does not mean anything." + +"It often means a great deal. There, I'm out of the garden and in the +ordinary world again. I wonder if I shall ever have another bit of +Eden in my life." + +"Oh, indeed you shall. I will ask Mr. Yocomb to give you a day's +weeding and hoeing there." + +"What will you do in the meantime?" + +"Sit under the arbor and laugh at you." + +"Agreed. But suppose it was hot and I grew very tired, what would you +do?" + +"I fear I would have to invite you under the arbor." + +"You fear?" + +"Well, I would invite you if you had been of real service in the +garden." + +"That would be Eden unalloyed." + +"Since I am not intoxicated, I cannot agree with you." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +"MOVED" + + +"Mr. Yocomb," I said, as we mounted the piazza, "what is the cause of +the smoke rising above yonder mountain to the east of us? I have +noticed it several times this afternoon, and it seems increasing." + +"That mountain was on fire on Saturday. I hoped the rain of last night +would put it out, but it was a light shower, and the fire is under +headway again. It now seems creeping up near the top of the mountain, +for I think I see a faint light." + +"I do distinctly; the mountain begins to remind me of a volcano." + +"The moon will rise before very long, and you may be treated to a +grand sight if the fire burns, as I fear it will." + +"This is a day of fate," I said, laughing, "and almost any event that +could possibly happen would not surprise me." + +"It has seemed a very quiet day to me," said the old gentleman. +"Neither mother nor any one on the high seat had a message for us this +morning, and this afternoon I took a very long nap. If thee had not +come and stirred us up a little, and Emily Warren had not laughed at +us both, I would call it almost a dull day, as far as any peaceful day +can be dull. Such days, however, are quite to my mind, and thee'll +like 'em better when thee sees my age." + +"I'm inclined to think," I replied, "that the great events of life +would rarely make even an item in a newspaper." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked as if she understood me, but Miss Warren remarked, +with a mischievous glance: + +"Personals are generally read." + +"Editors gossip about others, not themselves." + +"You admit they gossip." + +"That one did little else seems your impression." + +"News and gossip are different things; but I'm glad your conscience so +troubles you that you exaggerate my words." + +"Emily Warren, thee can squabble with Richard Morton all day to-morrow +after thy amiable fashion, but I'm hankering after some of thy music." + +"I will keep you waiting no longer, sir, and would have come before, +but I did not wish you to see Mr. Morton while he was in a very +lamentable condition." + +"Why, what was the matter with him?" asked Adah, who had just joined +us in the lighted hall; "he seems to have very queer complaints." + +"He admits that he was intoxicated, and he certainly talked very +strangely." + +"Miss Adah, did I talk strangely or wildly this afternoon?" + +"No, indeed, I think you talked very nicely; and I told Silas Jones +that I never met a gentleman before who looked at things so exactly as +I did." + +This was dreadful. I saw that Miss Warren was full of suppressed +merriment, and was glad that Mrs. Yocomb was in the parlor lighting +the lamps. + +"I suppose Mr. Jones was glad to hear what you said," I remarked, +feeling that I must say something. + +"He may have been, but he did not look so." + +"Mr. Yocomb, you have your daughter's testimony that I was sober this +afternoon, and since that time I have enjoyed nothing stronger than +milk and the odor of your old-fashioned roses. If I was in a +lamentable condition in the garden, Miss Warren was the cause, and so +is wholly to blame." + +"Emily Warren, does thee know that thy mother Eve made trouble in a +garden?" + +"I've not the least intention of taking Mr. Morton out of the garden. +He may go back at once, and I have already suggested that you would +give him plenty of hoeing and weeding there." + +"I'm not so sure about that; I fear he'd make the same havoc in my +garden that I'd make in his newspaper." + +"Then you think an editor has no chance for Eden?" + +"Thee had better talk to mother about that. If there's any chance for +thee at all she'll give thee hope. Now, Emily Warren, we are all +ready. Sing some hymns that will give us all hope--no, sing hymns of +faith." + +Adah took a seat on the sofa, and glanced encouragingly at me, but I +found a solitary chair by an open window, where I could look out +across the valley to the burning mountain, and watch the stars come +out in the darkening sky. Within I faced Miss Warren's profile and the +family group. + +I had not exaggerated when I told Miss Warren that I was conscious of +a fine exhilaration. Sleep and rest had banished all dragged and jaded +feelings. For hours my mind had been free from a sense of hurry and +responsibility, which made it little better than a driving machine. In +the mental leisure and quiet which I now enjoyed I had grown +receptive--highly sensitive indeed--to the culminating scenes of this +memorable day. Even little things and common words had a significance +that I would not have noted ordinarily, and the group before me was +not ordinary. Each character took form with an individuality as +sharply defined as their figures in the somewhat dimly lighted room, +and when I looked without into the deepening June night it seemed an +obscure and noble background, making the human life within more real +and attractive. + +Miss Warren sat before her piano quietly for a moment, and her face +grew thoughtful and earnest. It was evident that she was not about to +perform some music, but that she would unite with her sincere and +simple friends, Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb, in giving expression to feelings +and truths that were as real to her as to them. + +"How perfectly true she is!" I thought, as I noted the sweet, +childlike gravity of her face. Then, in a voice that proved to be a +sympathetic, pure soprano, well trained, but not at all great, she +sang: + + "My faith looks up to Thee." + +Their faith seemed very real and definite, and I could not help +feeling that it would be a cruel and terrible thing if that pronoun +"Thee" embodied no living and loving personality. The light in their +faces, like that of a planet beaming on me through the open window, +appeared but the inevitable reflection of a fuller, richer spiritual +light that now shone full upon them. + +One hymn followed another, and Reuben, who soon came in, seemed to +have several favorites. Little Zillah had early asked for those she +liked best, and then her head had dropped down into her mother's lap, +and Miss Warren's sweet tones became her lullaby, her innocent, +sleeping face making another element in a picture that was outlining +itself deeply in my memory. + +Adah, having found that she could not secure my attention, had fallen +into something like a revery. Very possibly she was planning out the +dress that she meant to "cut to suit herself," but in their repose her +features became very beautiful again. + +Her face to me, however, was now no more than a picture on the wall; +but the face of the childlike woman that was so wise and gifted, and +yet so simple and true, had for me a fascination that excited my +wonder. I had seen scores of beautiful women--I lived in a city where +they abounded--but I had never seen this type of face before. The +truth that I had not was so vivid that it led to the thought that, +like the first man, I had seen in the garden the one woman of the +world, the mistress of my fate. A second later I was conscious of a +sickening fear. To love such a woman, and yet not be able to win her-- +how could one thereafter go on with life! Beware, Richard Morton! On +this quiet June evening, in this home of peace and the peaceful, and +with hymns of love and faith breathed sweetly into your ears, you may +be in the direst peril of your life. From this quiet hour may come the +unrest of a lifetime. Then Hope whispered of better things. I said to +myself, "I did not come to this place. I wandered hither, or was led +hither; and to every influence of this day I shall yield myself. If +some kindly Power has led me to this woman of crystal truth, I shall +be the most egregious fool in the universe if I do not watch and wait +for further possibilities of good." + +How sweet and luminous her face seemed in contrast with the vague +darkness without! More sweet and luminous would her faith be in the +midst of the contradictions, obscurities, and evils of the world. The +home that enshrined such a woman would be a refuge for a man's tempted +soul, as well as a resting-place for his tired body. + +"Sing 'Tell me the Old, Old Story,'" said Mr. Yocomb, in his warm, +hearty way. Was I a profane wretch because the thought would come that +if I could draw, in shy, hesitating admission, another story as old as +the world it would be heavenly music? + +Could it have been that it was my intent gaze and concentrated thought +that made her turn suddenly to me after complying with Mr. Yocomb's +request? She colored slightly as she met my eyes, but said quietly, +"Mr. Morton, you have expressed no preference yet." + +"I have enjoyed everything you have sung," I replied, and I quietly +sustained her momentary and direct gaze. + +She seemed satisfied, and smiled as she said, "Thank you, but you +shall have your preference also." + +"Miss Warren, you have sung some little time, and perhaps your voice +is tired. Do you play Chopin's Twelfth Nocturne? That seems to me like +a prayer." + +"I'm glad you like that," she said, with a pleased, quick glance. "I +play it every Sunday night when I am alone." + +A few moments later and we were all under the spell of that exquisite +melody which can fitly give expression to the deepest and tenderest +feelings and most sacred aspirations of the heart. + +Did I say all? I was mistaken. Adah's long lashes were drooping, her +face was heavy with sleep, and it suggested flesh and blood, and flesh +and blood only. + +Miss Warren's eyes, in contrast, were moist, her mouth tremulous with +feeling, and her face was a beautiful transparency, through which +shone those traits which already made her, to me, pre-eminent among +women. + +I saw Mrs. Yocomb glance from one girl to the other, then close her +eyes, while a strong expression of pain passed over her face. Her lips +moved, and she undoubtedly was speaking to One near to her, though so +far, seemingly, from most of us. + +A little later there occurred one or two exquisite movements in the +prayer harmony, and I turned to note their effect on Mrs. Yocomb, and +was greatly struck by her appearance. She was looking fixedly into +space, and her face had assumed a rapt, earnest, seeking aspect, as if +she were trying to see something half hidden in the far distance. With +a few rich chords the melody ceased. Mr. Yocomb glanced at his wife, +then instantly folded his hands and assumed an attitude of reverent +expectancy. Reuben did likewise. At the cessation of the music Adah +opened her eyes, and by an instinct or habit seemed to know what to +expect, for her face regained the quiet repose it had worn at the +meeting-house in the morning. + +Miss Warren turned toward Mrs. Yocomb, and sat with bowed head. For a +few moments we remained in perfect silence. There was a faint flash of +light, followed after an interval by a low, deep reverberation. The +voices in nature seemed heavy and threatening. The sweet, gentle +monotone of the woman's voice, as she began to speak, was divine in +contrast. Slowly she enunciated the sentences: + +"What I do, thou knowest not now: but thou shalt know hereafter." + +After a pause she continued: "As the dear young friend was playing, +these words were borne in upon my mind. They teach the necessity of +faith. Thanks be to the God of heaven and earth, that He who spake +these words is so worthy of the faith He requires! The disciple of old +could not always understand his Lord; no more can we. We often shrink +from that which is given in love, and grasp at that which would +destroy. Though but little, weak, erring children, we would impose on +the all-wise God our way, instead of meekly accepting His way. Surely, +the One who speaks has a right to do what pleases His divine will. He +is the sovereign One, the Lord of lords; and though He slay me, yet +will I trust in Him. + +"But though it is a King that speaks, He does not speak as a king. He +is talking to His friends; He is serving them with a humility and +meekness that no sinful mortal has surpassed. He is proving, by the +plain, simple teaching of actions, that we are not merely His +subjects, but His brethren, His sisters; and that with Him we shall +form one household of faith, one family in God. He is teaching the sin +of arrogance and the folly of pride. He is proving, for all time, that +serving--not being served--is God's patent of nobility. We should not +despise the lowliest, for none can stoop so far as He stooped." + +Every few moments her low, sweet voice had, as an accompaniment, +distant peals of thunder, that after every interval rolled nearer and +jarred heavier among the mountains. More than once I saw Miss Warren +start nervously, and glance apprehensively at the open window where I +sat, and through which the lightning gleamed with increasing +vividness. Adah maintained the same utterly quiet, impassive face, and +it seemed to me that she heard nothing and thought of nothing. Her +eyes were open; her mind was asleep. She appeared an exquisite +breathing combination of flesh and blood, and nothing more. Reuben +looked at his mother with an expression of simple affection; but one +felt that he did not realize very deeply what she was saying; but Mr. +Yocomb's face glowed with an honest faith and strong approval. + +"The Master said," continued Mrs. Yocomb, after one of the little +pauses that intervened between her trains of thought, "'What I do, +thou knowest not now.' There He might have stopped. Presuming is the +subject that asks his king for the why and wherefore of all that he +does. The king is the highest of all; and if he be a king in truth, he +sees the furthest of all. It is folly for those beneath the throne to +expect to see so far, or to understand why the king, in his far- +reaching providence, acts in a way mysterious to them. Our King is +kingly, and He sees the end from the beginning. His plans reach +through eternities. Why should He ever be asked to explain to such as +we? Nevertheless, to the fishermen of Galilee, and to us, He does say, +'Thou shalt know hereafter.' + +"The world is full of evil. We meet its sad mysteries on every side, +in every form. It often touches us very closely--" For a moment some +deep emotion choked her utterance. Involuntarily, I glanced at Adah. +Her eyes were drooping a little heavily again, and her bosom rose and +fell in the long, quiet breath of complete repose. Miss Warren was +regarding the suffering mother with the face of a pitying angel. + +"And its evils _are_ evil," resumed the sad-hearted woman, in a +tone that was full of suppressed anguish; "at least, they seem so, and +I don't understand them--I can't understand them, nor why they are +permitted; but He has promised that good shall come out of the evil, +and has said, 'Thou shalt know hereafter.' Oh, blessed hereafter! when +all clouds shall have rolled away, and in the brightness of my Lord's +presence every mystery that now troubles me shall be made clear. Dear +Lord, I await Thine own time. Do what seemeth good in Thine own eyes;" +and she meekly folded her hands and bowed her head. For a moment or +two there was the same impressive silence that fell upon us before she +spoke. Then a louder and nearer peal of thunder awakened Zillah, who +raised her head from her mother's lap and looked wonderingly around, +as if some one had called her. + +Never had I witnessed such a scene before, and I turned toward the +darkness that I might hide the evidence of feelings that I could not +control. + +A second later I sprang to my feet, exclaiming, "Wonderful!" + +Miss Warren came toward me with apprehension in her face, but I saw +that she noted my moist eyes. + +I hastened from the room, saying, "Come out on the lawn, all of you, +for we may now witness a scene that is grand indeed." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +ONE OF NATURE'S TRAGEDIES + + +I had been so interested in Mrs. Yocomb's words, their effect on the +little group around her, and the whole sacred mystery of the scene, +that I had ceased to watch the smoking mountain, with its increasingly +lurid apex. In the meantime the fire had fully reached the summit, on +which stood a large dry tree, and it had become a skeleton of flame. +Through this lurid fire and smoke the full moon was rising, its silver +disk discolored and partially obscured. + +This scene alone, as we gathered on the piazza and lawn below it, +might well have filled us with awe and wonder; but a more impressive +combination was forming. Advancing from the southwest, up the star-lit +sky, which the moon was brightening momentarily, was a cloud whose +blackness and heaviness the vivid lightning made only the more +apparent. + +"I am an old man," said Mr. Yocomb, "but I never saw anything so grand +as this before." + +"Mother, mother," said little Zillah, "I'm afraid. Please take me +upstairs and put me to bed." And the mother, to whom the scene in the +heavens was a glorious manifestation of the God she loved rather than +feared, denied herself of what was almost like a vision, for the sake +of the child. + +"It's awful," said Adah; "I won't look at it any longer. I don't see +why we can't have nice quiet showers that one can go to sleep in;" and +she disappeared within the house. Reuben sat down on the piazza, in +his quiet, undemonstrative way. Miss Warren came down and stood close +to Mr. Yocomb's side, as if she half unconsciously sought the good +man's protection. + +Incessant lightnings played from some portion of the cloud, zigzagging +in fiery links and forkings, while, at brief intervals, there would be +an exceptionally vivid flash, followed more and more closely by +heavier and still heavier explosions. But not a leaf stirred around +us: the chirp of a cricket was sharply distinct in the stillness. The +stars shone serenely over our heads, and the moon, rising to the left +out of the line of the smoke and fire, was assuming her silvery +brightness, and at the same time rendering the burning mountain more +lurid from contrast. + +"Herbert, Herbert, now I know how brave you were," I heard Miss Warren +exclaim, in a low, awed tone. + +I saw by the frequent flashes that she was very pale, and that she was +trembling. + +"You mean your brother," I said gently. + +With her eyes fixed on the threatening and advancing cloud as if +fascinated by it, she continued in the same tone, that was full of +indescribable dread: "Yes, yes, I never realized it so fully before, +and yet I have lain awake whole nights, going, by an awful necessity, +over every scene of that terrible day. He stood in his place in the +line of battle on an open plain, and he watched battery after battery +come down from the heights above and open fire. He stood there till he +was slain, looking steadily at death. This cloud that is coming makes +me understand the more awful storm of war that he faced. Oh, I wish +this hadn't happened," and there was almost agony in her tone. "I'm +not brave as he was, and every nearer peal of thunder shakes my very +soul." + +Mr. Yocomb put his hand tenderly on her shoulder as he said: + +"My dear, foolish little child--as if thy Father in heaven would hurt +thee!" + +"Miss Warren," I said earnestly, "I have too little of Mr. and Mrs. +Yocomb's faith; but it seems impossible that anything coming from +heaven could harm you." + +She drew closer to Mr. Yocomb's side, but still looked at the cloud +with the same wide-eyed dread, as if spellbound by it. + +"To me," she resumed in her former tone, that only became more hurried +and full of fear as the tempest approached, "these awful storms are no +part of heaven. They are wholly of earth, and seem the counterparts of +those wild outbreaks of human passion from which I and so many poor +women in the past have suffered;" and a low sob shook her frame. "I +wish I had more of good Mr. Yocomb's spirit; for this appalling cloud +seems to me the very incarnation of evil. Why _does_ God permit such +things?" + +With a front as calm and serene as that of any ancient prophet could +have been, Mr. Yocomb began repeating the sublime words, "The voice of +Thy thunder was in the heavens; the lightnings lightened the world." + +"Oh, no, no!" cried the trembling girl, "the God I worship is not in +the storm nor in the fire, but in the still small voice of love. You +may think me very weak to be so moved, but truly I cannot help it. My +whole nature shrinks from this." I took her hand as I said warmly, "I +do understand you, Miss Warren. Unconsciously you have fully explained +your mood and feeling. It's in truth your nature, your sensitive, +delicate organism, that shrinks from this wild tumult that is coming. +In the higher moral tests of courage, when the strongest man might +falter and fail, you would be quietly steadfast." + +She gave my hand a quick, strong pressure, and then withdrew it as she +said, "I hope you are right; you interpret me so generously that I +hope I may some day prove you right." + +"I need no proof. I saw your very self in the garden." + +"How strange--how strange it all is!" she resumed, with a manner that +betokened a strong nervous excitability. "Can this be the same world-- +these the same scenes that were so full of peace and beauty an hour +ago? How tremendous is the contrast between the serene, lovely June +day and evening just passed and this coming tempest, whose sullen roar +I already hear with increasing dread! Mr. Morton, you said in jest +that this was a day of fate. Why did you use the expression? It haunts +me, oppresses me. Possibly it is. I rarely give way to presentiments, +but I dread the coming of this storm inexpressibly. Oh!" and she +trembled violently as a heavier peal than we had yet heard filled the +wide valley with awful echoes. + +"Not even a sparrow shall fall to the ground without your Father. We +are safe, my child. God will shield thee more lovingly than I;" and he +drew her closer to him. + +"I know what you say is true, and yet I cannot control this mortal +fear and weakness." + +"No, Miss Warren, you cannot," I said; "therefore do not blame +yourself. You tremble as these trees and shrubs will be agitated in a +few moments, because you cannot help it." + +"You are not so moved." + +"No, nor will that post be moved," I replied, with a reckless laugh. +"I must admit that I am very much excited, however, for the air is +full of electricity. I can't help thinking of the little robins in a +home open to the sky." + +Her only answer was a low sob, but not for a moment did she take her +wide, terror-stricken gaze from the cloud whose slow, deliberate +advance was more terrible than gusty violence would have been. + +The phenomena had now become so awful that we did not speak again for +some moments. The great inky mass was extending toward the eastward, +and approaching the fire burning on the mountain-top, and the moon +rising above and to the left of it; and from beneath its black shadow +came a heavy, muffled sound that every moment deepened and +intensified. + +Suddenly, as if shaken by a giant's hands, the tree-tops above us +swayed to and fro; then the shrubbery along the paths seemed full of +wild terror and writhed in every direction. + +Hitherto the moon had shone on the cloud with as serene a face as that +with which Mr. Yocomb had watched its approach, but now a scud of +vapor swept like a sudden pallor across her disk, giving one the odd +impression that she had just realized her peril, and then an abyss of +darkness swallowed her up. For a few moments longer the fire burned +on, and then the cloud with its torrents settled down upon it, and the +luridly luminous point became opaque. + +The night now alternated between utter darkness and a glare in which +every leaf and even the color of the tossing roses were distinct. + +After the first swirl of wind passed, there fell upon nature round us +a silence that was like breathless expectation, or the cowering from a +blow that cannot be averted, and through the stillness the sound of +the advancing tempest came with awful distinctness, while far back +among the mountains the deep reverberations scarcely ceased a moment. + +Broken masses of vapor, the wild skirmish line of the storm, passed +over our heads, blotting out the stars. The trees and shrubbery were +bending helplessly to the gust, and Miss Warren could scarcely stand +before its violence. The great elm swayed its drooping branches over +the house as if to protect it. The war and whirl of the tempest was +all about us, the coming rain reminded one of the resounding footsteps +of an innumerable host, and great drops fell here and there like +scattering shots. + +"Come in, my child," said Mr. Yocomb; "the storm will soon be passed, +and thee and the robins shall yet have quiet sleep to-night. I've seen +many such wild times among the mountains, and nothing worse than +clearer skies and better grain followed. You will hear the robins +singing--" + +A blinding flash of lightning, followed by such a crash as I hope I +may never hear again, prevented further reassuring words, and he had +to half support her into the house. + +I had never been in a battle, but I know that the excitement which +mastered me must have been akin to the grand exaltation of conflict, +wherein a man thinks and acts by moments as if they were hours and +years. Well he may, when any moment, may end his life. But the thought +of death scarcely entered my mind. I had no presentiment of harm to +myself, but feared that the dwelling or outbuildings might be struck. + +Almost with the swiftness of lightning came the calculation: + +"Estimating distance and time, the next discharge of electricity will +be directly over the house. If there's cause, which God forbid, may I +have the nerve and power to serve those who have been so kind!" + +As I thought, I ran to an open space which commanded a view of the +farmhouse. Scarcely had I reached it before my eyes were blinded for a +second by what seemed a ball of intense burning light shot vertically +into the devoted home. + +"O God!" I gasped, "it is the day of fate." For a moment I seemed +paralyzed, but the igniting roof beside the chimney roused me at once. + +"Reuben!" I shouted. + +A flash of lightning revealed him still seated quietly on the piazza, +as if he had heard nothing. I rushed forward, and shook him by the +shoulder. + +"Come, be a man; help me. Quick!" and I half dragged him to a +neighboring cherry-tree, against which I had noticed that a ladder +rested. + +By this time he seemed to recover his senses, and in less than a +moment we had the ladder against the house. Within another moment he +had brought me a pail of water from the kitchen. + +"Have two more pails ready," I cried, mounting the low, sloping roof. + +The water I carried, and rain, which now began to fall in torrents, +extinguished the external fire, but I justly feared that the woodwork +had been ignited within. Hastening back at perilous speed, I said to +Reuben, who stood ready: "Take one of the pails and lead the way to +the attic and the rooms upstairs." + +The house was strangely and awfully quiet as we rushed in. + +I paused a second at the parlor door. Miss Warren lay motionless upon +the floor, and Mr. Yocomb sat quietly in his great armchair. + +A sickening fear almost overwhelmed me, but I exclaimed loudly, "Mr. +Yocomb, rouse yourself; I smell fire; the house is burning!" + +He did not move nor answer, and I followed Reuben, who was half-way up +the stairs. It took but a few seconds to reach the large, old- +fashioned garret, which already was filling with smoke. + +"Lead the way to the chimney," I shouted to Reuben in my terrible +excitement. "Do not waste a drop of water. Let me put it on when I +find just where the fire is." + +Through the smoke I now saw a lurid point. A stride brought me +thither, and I threw part of the water in my pail up against it. The +hissing and sputtering proved that we had hit on the right spot, while +the torrents falling on the roof so dampened the shingles that further +ignition from without was impossible. + +"We must go down a moment to breathe," I gasped, for the smoke was +choking us. + +As we reached the story in which were the sleeping apartments, I +cried: + +"Great God! Why don't some of the family move or speak?" + +Hitherto Reuben had realized only the peril of his home; but now he +rushed into his mother's room, calling her in a tone that I shall +never forget. + +A second later he uttered my name in a strange, awed tone, and I +entered hesitatingly. Little Zillah apparently lay sleeping in her +crib, and Mrs. Yocomb was kneeling by her bedside. + +"Mother!" said Reuben, in a loud whisper. + +She did not answer. + +He knelt beside her, put his arm around her, and said, close to her +ear, "Mother! why don't you speak to me?" She made no response, and I +saw that she leaned so heavily forward on the bed as to indicate utter +unconsciousness. + +The boy sprang up, and gazed at me with wild questioning in his eyes. + +"Reuben!" I said quickly, "she's only stunned by the lightning. Will +you prove yourself a man, and help me in what must be done? Life may +depend upon it." + +"Yes," eagerly. + +"Then help me lift your mother on the bed; strong and gentle, now-- +that's it." + +I put my hand over her heart. + +"She is not dead," I exclaimed joyously; "only stunned. Let us go to +the attic again, for we must keep shelter this wild night." + +We found that the smoke had perceptibly lessened; I dashed the other +pail of water on the spot that had been burning, then found that I +could place my hand on it. We had been just in time, for there was +light woodwork near that communicated with the floor, and the attic +was full of dry lumber, and herbs hanging here and there, that would +have burned like tinder. Had these been burning we could not have +entered the garret, and as it was we breathed with great difficulty. +The roof still resounded to the fall of such torrents that I felt that +the dwelling was safe, unless it had become ignited in the lower +stories, and it was obviously our next duty to see whether this was +the case. + +"Reuben," I said, "fill the pails once more, while I look through the +house and see if there's fire anywhere else. It's clear that all who +were in the house were stunned--even you were, slightly, on the +piazza--so don't give way to fright on their account. If you do as I +bid, you may do much to save their lives; but we must first make sure +the house is safe. If it isn't, we must carry them all out at once." + +He comprehended me, and went for the water instantly. + +I again looked into Mrs. Yocomb's room. It was impregnated with a +strong sulphurous odor, and I now saw that there was a discolored line +down the wall adjoining the chimney, and that little Zillah's crib +stood nearer the scorching line of fire than Mrs. Yocomb had been. But +the child looked quiet and peaceful, and I hastened away. + +My own room was dark and safe. I opened the door of Miss Warren's +room, and a flash of lightning, followed by complete darkness, showed +that nothing was amiss. + +I then opened another door, and first thought the apartment on fire, +it was so bright; but instantly saw that two lamps were burning, and +that Adah lay dressed upon the bed, with her face turned toward them. +By this common device she had sought to deaden the vivid lightning. +Her face was white as the pillow on which it rested; her eyes were +closed, and from her appearance she might have been sleeping or dead. +Even though almost overwhelmed with dread, I could not help noting her +wonderful beauty. In my abnormal and excited condition of mind, +however, it seemed a natural and essential part of the strange, +unexpected experiences of the day. + +I was now convinced that there was no fire in the second story, and +the thought of Miss Warren drew me instantly away. I already had a +strange sense of self-reproach that I had not gone to her at once, +feeling as if I had discarded the first and most sacred claim. I met +Reuben on the stairway, and told him that the second story was safe, +and asked him to look through the first story and cellar, and then to +go for a physician as fast as the fleetest horse could carry him. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE LIGHTNING AND A SUBTLER FLAME + + +On entering the parlor, I found Mr. Yocomb standing up and looking +around in a dazed manner. He did not seem to know me, and in my deep +anxiety I did not heed him. Kneeling beside Miss Warren, I found that +her pulse was very feeble. I lifted her gently upon the sofa, and +threw open a window, so that the damp, gusty wind, full of spray from +the rain, might blow in upon her. + +Mr. Yocomb laid his hand heavily on my shoulder, and asked, in a thick +voice, "What does it all mean?" + +I saw that he was deathly pale, and that he tottered. Taking his arm, +I supported him to a lounge in the hall, and said, "Mr. Yocomb, you +were taken ill. You must lie down quietly till the physician comes." + +He seemed so confused and unable to think that he accepted my +explanation. Indeed, he soon became so ill from the effects of the +shock that he could not rise. + +Again I knelt at Miss Warren's side, and began chafing her hands; but +the cool wind and spray did the most to revive her. She opened her +eyes, looked at me fixedly a few moments, and then tried to rise. + +"Please keep quiet," I said, "till I bring you some brandy;" and I +hastened to my room, tore open my valise, and was soon moistening her +lips from a small flask. After swallowing a little she regained self- +possession rapidly. + +"What happened?" she asked. + +"I fear you swooned." + +She passed her hand over her brow, and looked around as if in search, +of some one, then said, "Where is Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"She is in her room with Zillah." + +"Please let me go to her;" and she again essayed to rise. + +"Miss Warren," I said gently, "I have no right to ask a favor of you, +but I will thank you very much if you will just remain quietly on this +sofa till you are better. You remember we had a frightful storm. I +never knew such heavy thunder." + +"Ah! there it is again," she said, shuddering, as a heavy peal rolled +away to the north. + +"Miss Warren, you said once to-day that you could trust me. You can. I +assure you the storm is past; there is no more danger from it, but +there is danger unless you do as I bid you. Remain quietly here till +you have recovered from--from your nervous prostration. I happen to +have some knowledge in a case of this kind, and I know that much +depends on your being quiet for an hour or more. You need not be +alarmed if you do as I bid you. I will see to it that some one is +within call all the time;" and I tried to speak cheerfully and +decisively. + +She smiled as she said, "Since you have assumed the role of doctor, +I'll obey, for I know how arbitrary the profession is." + +Then she again reclined wearily on the sofa, and I went out, closing +the door. + +I found Reuben beside his father, who certainly needed care, for the +terrible nausea which attends recovery from a severe shock from +electricity had set in. + +"Reuben," I urged, "_do_ go for the doctor; I'll do everything for +your father that I can, but we must have a good physician at once. +Go in your buggy as fast as you can drive in the dark--can't you take +a lantern?--and bring the doctor with you. First tell him what has +happened, so that he can bring the proper remedies. Be a man, Reuben; +much depends on you to-night." + +Within five minutes I heard the swift feet of Dapple splash out upon +the road. The night was growing still and close, and the gusts +occurred at longer intervals. The murky cloud had covered the sky, +utterly obscuring the moonlight, and there was a steady and heavy fall +of rain. + +After Reuben had gone, a terrible sense of isolation and helplessness +oppressed me. I remembered strange tales of lightning and its effects +that I had heard. Would the mother and her two daughters survive? Was +Mr. Yocomb seriously ill? But I found that the anxiety which tortured +me most was in behalf of the one who gave the best promise of speedy +recovery; and it was my chief hope that she would remain quietly where +I had left her till the physician arrived. I had pretended to a far +greater knowledge than I possessed, since in truth I had had very +little experience in illness. If Miss Warren should leave the parlor, +and thus learn that the farmhouse might become the scene of an awful +tragedy, the effect upon her would probably be disastrous in the +extreme. + +These and like thoughts were coursing swiftly through my mind as I +waited upon Mr. Yocomb, and sought to give him relief. + +"Ice!" he gasped; "it's in cellar." + +I snatched up the candle that Reuben had left burning on the hall- +table, and went for it. The place was strange, and I was not as quick +and deft as many others would have been, and so was absent some +moments. + +Great was my surprise and consternation when I returned, for Miss +Warren stood beside Mr. Yocomb, holding his head. + +"Why are you here?" I asked, and my tone and manner betokened deep +trouble. + +"I'm better," she said, quietly and firmly. + +"Miss Warren," I remonstrated, "I won't answer for the consequences if +you don't go back to the parlor and remain there till the doctor +comes. I know what I'm about." + +"You don't look as if master of the situation. You are haggard--you +seem half desperate--" + +"I'm anxious about you, and if--" + +"Mr. Morton, you are far more anxious about others. I've had time to +think. A swoon is not such a desperate affair. You guessed rightly--a +thunderstorm prostrates me, but as it passes I am myself again." + +After aiding Mr. Yocomb to recline feebly on the lounge, she came to +the table where I was breaking the ice, and said, in a low tone: + +"Something very serious has happened." + +I could not look at her. I dared not to speak even, for I was +oppressed with the dread of a worse tragedy. With her morbid fear of +lightning she might almost lose her reason if now, in her weak, +unnerved condition, she saw its effect on Mrs. Yocomb and Adah. + +"Mother," moaned Mr. Yocomb; "why don't mother come?" + +"She's with Zillah upstairs," I faltered. "Zillah's ill!" + +"Then why does not Adah come to her father?" Miss Warren questioned, +looking at me keenly. + +I felt that disguise was useless. + +"Mr. Morton, your hand so trembles that you can scarcely break the +ice. Something dreadful has happened--there's the smell of smoke and +fire in the house. Tell me, tell me!" and she laid her hand +appealingly on my arm. + +"Oh, Miss Warren," I groaned, "let me shield you. If further harm +should come to you to-night--" + +"Further harm will come unless you treat me as a woman, not as a +child," she said firmly. "I know you mean it kindly, and no doubt I +have seemed weak enough to warrant any amount of shielding." + +At this moment there came a peal of thunder from the passing storm, +and she sank shudderingly into a chair. As it passed she sprang up and +said: + +"I can't help that, but I can and will help you. I understand it all. +The house has been struck, and Zillah, Adah, and Mr. Yocomb have been +hurt. Let me feed Mr. Yocomb with the ice. Are you sure he should have +ice? I would give him brandy first if I had my way, but you said you +knew--" + +"Miss Warren, I don't know--I'm in mortal terror in behalf of the +family; but my chief dread has been that you would come to know the +truth, and now I can't keep it from you. If you can be brave and +strong enough to help me in this emergency, I will honor you and thank +you every day of my life." + +"Mother! mother! why doesn't mother come?" Mr. Yocomb called. + +Miss Warren gave me a swift glance that was as reassuring as sunlight, +and then went quietly into the parlor. A moment later she was giving +Mr. Yocomb brandy and water, and quieting him with low, gentle words. + +"You remember, Mr. Yocomb," she said, "that Zillah was greatly +frightened by the storm. You would not have the mother leave the child +just yet. Mr. Morton, will you go upstairs and see if I can be of any +assistance? I will join you there as soon as I have made Mr. Yocomb a +little more comfortable," and she went to the parlor and brought out +another pillow, and then threw open the hall-door in order that her +patient might have more air, for he respired slowly and laboriously. +Her words seemed to quiet him, and he gave himself into her hands. I +looked at her wonderingly for a moment, then said, in a low tone: + +"You are indeed a woman and a brave one. I recognize my superior +officer, and resign command at once." + +She shook her head as she gave me a glimmer of a smile, but urged, in +a whisper, "Hasten, we must not lose a moment." + +I swiftly mounted the stairs, relieved of my chief anxiety. + +Through the open door I saw Adah's fair white face. She had not +stirred. I now ventured in and spoke to her, but she was utterly +unconscious. Taking her hand I was overjoyed to find a feeble pulse. + +"It may all yet be well. God grant it," I muttered. + +"He will," said Miss Warren, who had joined me almost immediately; +"this is not a day of fate, I trust;" and she began moistening Adah's +lips with brandy, and trying to cause her to swallow a little, while I +chafed her pretty hands and rubbed brandy on her wrists. + +"It seems to me as if an age, crowded with events, had elapsed since I +started on my aimless walk this morning," I said, half in soliloquy. + +"That you were directed hither will be cause for lasting gratitude. +Was not the house on fire?" + +"Yes, but Reuben was invaluable. He was out on the piazza, and so was +not hurt." + +"Was Mrs. Yocomb hurt?" she asked, looking at me in wild alarm. + +"Please do not fail me," I entreated; "you have been so brave thus +far. Mrs. Yocomb will soon revive, I think. You were unconscious at +first." + +She now realized the truth that Mrs. Yocomb was not caring for Zillah, +and hastened to their room, impelled by an overmastering affection for +the woman who had treated her with motherly kindness. + +I followed her, and assured her that her friend was living. It needed +but a moment to see that this was true, but little Zillah scarcely +gave any sign of life. Both were unconscious. + +The young girl now looked at me as if almost overwhelmed, and said, in +a low shuddering tone, "This is awful--far worse than I feared; I do +wish the doctor was here." + +"He must be here soon. I know you won't give way. In great emergencies +a true woman is great. You may save--" + +A thunder-peal from the retreating storm drowned my words. She grew +white, and would have fallen had I not caught her and supported her to +a chair. + +"Give me--a few moments," she gasped, "and I'll be--myself again. This +shock is awful. Why, we would all have burned up--had you not put the +fire out," and her eyes dilated with horror. + +"We have no time for words," I said, brusquely. "Here, take this +brandy, and then let us do everything in our power to save life. I +scarcely know what to do, but something must be done. If we can only +do the right thing, all may yet be well." + +In a moment the weakness passed, and she was her brave, quiet self +once more. + +"I won't fail you again," she said resolutely, as she tried to force a +little brandy between Mrs. Yocomb's pallid lips. + +"You are a genuine woman," I replied heartily, as I chafed Mrs. +Yocomb's wrists with the spirits; "I know how terrible the ordeal has +been for you, and most young ladies would have contributed to the +occasion nothing but hysterics." + +"And you feared I would." + +"I feared worse. You are morbidly timid in a thunder-storm, and I +dreaded your learning what you now know beyond measure." + +"You were indeed burdened," she said, looking at me with strong +sympathy. + +"No matter. If you can keep up and suffer no ill consequences from +this affair, I believe that the rest will come through all right. +After all, they are affected only physically, but you--" + +"I have been a little weak-minded. I know it. But if it doesn't +thunder any more I'll keep up. Ever since I was a child the sound of +thunder paralyzed me. Thank God, Mrs. Yocomb is beginning to revive." + +"I will leave her in your care, and see if I can do anything for Mr. +Yocomb. I thus show that I trust you fully." + +As I passed out I heard a faint voice call, "Mother!" + +Going to the door of Adah's room I saw that she was conscious, and +feebly trying to rise. As I entered she looked at me in utter +bewilderment, then shrank with instinctive fear from the presence of a +seeming intruder. I saw the impulse of her half-conscious mind, and +called Miss Warren, who came at once, and her presence seemed +reassuring. + +"What's the matter?" she asked, with the same thick utterance that I +had noted in Mr. Yocomb's voice. It seemed as if the organs of speech +were partially paralyzed. + +"You have been ill, my dear, but now you are much better. The doctor +will be here soon," Miss Warren said soothingly. + +She seemed to comprehend the words imperfectly, and turned her +wondering eyes toward me. + +"Oh, that the doctor would come!" I groaned. "Here you have two on +your hands, and Mr. Yocomb is calling." + +"Who's that?" asked Adah, feebly pointing to me. + +"You remember Mr. Morton," Miss Warren said quietly, bathing the +girl's face with cologne. "You brought him home from meeting this +morning." + +The girl's gaze was so fixed and peculiar that it held me a moment, +and gave the odd impression of the strong curiosity of one waking up +in a new world. Suddenly she closed her eyes and fell back faint and +sick. At that moment, above the sound of the rain, I heard the quick +splash of a horse's feet, and hastened down to greet the doctor. + +In a few hasty words I added such explanation of the catastrophe as +Reuben's partial account rendered necessary, and by the time I had +finished we were at Mrs. Yocomb's door. Mr. Yocomb seemed sufficiently +at rest to be left for a while. + +"This is Miss Warren," I said. "She will be your invaluable assistant, +but you must be careful of her, since she, too, has suffered very +severely, and, I fear, is keeping up on the strength of her brave +will, mainly." + +The physician, fortunately, was a good one, and his manner gave us +confidence from the start. + +"I think I understand the affair sufficiently," he said; "and the best +thing you can do for my patients, and for Miss Warren also, Mr. +Morton, is to have some strong black coffee made as soon as possible. +That will now prove an invaluable remedy, I think." + +"I'll show you where the coffee is," Miss Warren added promptly. +"Unfortunately--perhaps fortunately--Mrs. Yocomb let the woman who +assisted her go away for the night. Had she been here she might have +been another burden." + +Even though I had but a moment or two in the room, I saw that the +doctor was anxious about little Zillah. + +As Miss Warren waited on me I said earnestly, "What a godsend you +are!" + +"No," she replied with a tone and glance that, to me, were sweeter and +more welcome than all the June sunshine of that day. "I was here, and +you were sent." Then her eyes grew full of dread, reminding me of the +gaze she had bent on the storm before which she had cowered. "The +house was on fire," she said; "we were all helpless--unconscious. You +saved us. I begin to realize it all." + +"Come, Miss Warren, you now are 'seeing double.' Here, Reuben," I said +to the young fellow, who came dripping in from the barn. "I want to +introduce you in a new light. Miss Warren doesn't half know you yet, +and I wish her to realize that you are no longer a boy, but a brave, +level-headed man, that even when stunned by lightning could do as much +as I did." + +"Now, Richard Morton, I didn't do half as much as thee did. How's +mother?" and he spoke with a boy's ingenuousness. + +"Doing well under the care of the doctor you brought," I said; "and if +you will now help me make this dying fire burn up quickly, she will +have you to thank more than any one else when well again." + +"I'm going to thank you now," Miss Warren exclaimed, seizing both of +his hands. "God bless you, Reuben! You don't realize what you have +done for us all." + +The young fellow looked surprised. "I only did what Richard Morton +told me," he protested, "and that wasn't much." + +"Well, there's a pair of you," she laughed. "The fire put itself out, +and Dapple went after the doctor." Then, as if overwhelmed with +gratitude, she clasped her hands and looked upward, as she said, in +low, thrilling tones: "Thank God, oh thank God! what a tragedy we have +escaped!" + +"Yes," I said, "it might have been a day of fate indeed. Life would +have been an unendurable burden if what you feared had happened. +What's more, I would have lost my faith in God had such a home and its +inmates been destroyed. The thought of it makes me sick," and I sank +into a chair. + +"We must not think of it," she cried earnestly, "for there's much to +be done still. There, I've helped you all I can here. When the +coffee's ready, call me, and I'll come for it. Get on dry clothes as +soon as you can, Reuben, for you can be of great service to us +upstairs. I'm astonished at you, Mr. Morton, you haven't any nerve at +all--you who have dealt in conflagrations, murders, wars, pestilences, +earthquakes, writing them up in the most harrowing, blood-curdling +style; you have absolutely turned white and faint because the inmates +of a farmhouse were shocked. I won't believe you are an editor at all +unless you call me within five minutes." + +Whether because her piquant words formed just the spur I needed, or +because she had a mysterious power over me which made her will mine, I +threw off the depression into which I had reacted from my overwhelming +excitement and anxiety, and soon had my slowly kindling fire burning +furiously, dimly conscious in the meantime that deep in my heart +another and subtler flame was kindling also. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +KINDLING A SPARK OF LIFE + + +I soon had coffee made that was as black as the night without. Instead +of calling Miss Warren, I took a tray from the dining-room, and +carried it with several cups upstairs. + +"Bring it here!" called the doctor. + +I entered Mrs. Yocomb's room, and found that she had quite fully +revived, and that Reuben had supported his father thither also. He +reclined on the lounge, and his usually ruddy face was very pale. Both +he and his wife appeared almost helpless; but the doctor had succeeded +in arresting, by the use of ice, the distressing nausea that had +followed consciousness. They looked at me in a bewildered manner as I +entered, and could not seem to account for my presence at once. Nor +did they, apparently, try to do so long, for their eyes turned toward +little Zillah with a deeply troubled and perplexed expression, as if +they were beginning to realize that the child was very ill, and that +events of an extraordinary character had happened. + +"Let me taste the coffee," said the doctor. "Ah! that's the kind-- +black and strong. See how it will bring them around," and he made Mr. +and Mrs. Yocomb each swallow a cup of it. + +"Miss Warren," he called, "give some of this to Miss Adah, if she is +quiet enough to take it. I cannot leave the child." + +Miss Warren came at once. Her face was clouded and anxious, and she +looked with eager solicitude toward the still unconscious Zillah, +whose hands Reuben was chafing. + +"I think Miss Adah will soon be better," she replied to the doctor's +inquiring glance, and she went back to her charge. + +"Take some yourself," said the physician to me, in a low tone. "I fear +we are going to have a serious time with the little girl." + +"You do not realize," I urged, "that Miss Warren needs keeping up +almost as truly as any of them." + +"You'll have to take care of her then," said the doctor hastily; "she +seems to be doing well herself, and doing well for others. Take her +some coffee, and say that I said she must drink it." + +I knocked at Adah's door and called, "Miss Warren, the doctor says you +must drink this coffee." + +"In a few moments," she answered, and after a little time she came +out. + +"Where's your cup?" she asked. "Have you taken any?" + +"Not yet, of course." + +"Why of course? If you want me to drink this you must get some at +once." + +"There may not be enough. I don't know how much the doctor may need." + +"Then get a cup, and I'll give you half of this." + +"Never," I answered promptly. "Do as the doctor bade you." + +She went swiftly to Mrs. Yocomb's room and filled another cup. + +"I pledge you my word I won't touch a drop till you have taken this. +You don't realize what you have been through, Mr. Morton. Your hand so +trembled that you could scarcely carry the cup; you are all unnerved. +Come," she added gravely, "you must be in a condition to help, for I +fear Zillah is in a critical condition." + +"I'm not going to break down," I said resolutely. "Give it to Reuben. +Poor fellow, he was very wet." + +She looked at my clothes, and then exclaimed: + +"Why, Mr. Morton, don't you know you are wet through and through?" + +"Am I?" and I looked down at my soaked garments. + +"I don't believe you have a dry thread on you." + +"I've been too excited to think of it. Of course, I got wet on the +roof; but what's a summer shower! Your coffee's getting cold." + +"So is yours." + +"You have the doctor's orders." + +"I would be glad if my wishes weighed a little with you," she said, +appealingly. + +"There, Miss Warren, if you put it that way I'd drink gall and +vinegar," and I gulped down the coffee. + +She vanished into Adah's room, saying, "You must take my word for it +that I drink mine. I shall sip it while waiting on my patient." + +Having insisted on Reuben's taking some also, I returned to the +kitchen and made a new supply. Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's extreme +prostration, both mental and physical, perplexed me. Their idolized +child was still unconscious, and yet they could only look on in +wondering and perplexed anxiety. I afterward learned that a partial +paralysis of every faculty, especially of memory, was a common effect +of a severe shock of electricity. It was now evident that Miss Warren, +from some obscure cause, escaped harm from lightning. The words I had +employed to reassure her turned out to be true--she had merely +swooned--and thus, on recovery, had full possession of all her +faculties. + +"I would be glad if my wishes weighed a little with you," she had +said. In wonder at myself, I asked, "What weighs more with me? By what +right is this maiden, whom I have met but to-day, taking such absolute +control of my being? Am I overwrought, morbid, fanciful, deluded by an +excited imagination into beliefs and moods that will vanish in the +clear sunlight and clearer light of reason? or has the vivid lightning +revealed with absolute distinctness the woman on whom I can lean in +perfect trust, and yet must often sustain in her pathetic weakness? +The world would say we are strangers; but my heart and soul and every +fibre of my being appear to recognize a kinship so close that I feel +we never can be strangers again. It is true the lightning fuses the +hardest substances, making them one; however, I am beginning to think +that my hitherto callous nature has been smitten by a diviner fire. If +so, Heaven grant that I'm not the only one struck. + +"Well, it's a queer world. When I broke down, last Friday night, and +sat cowering before the future in my editorial sanctum, I little +dreamed that on Sunday night I should be making coffee in a good old +Quaker's kitchen, and, what is still more strange, making a divinity +out of a New York music-teacher!" + +A moment later I added, "That's a stupid way of putting it. I'm not +making a divinity out of her at all. She is one, and I've had the wit +to recognize the truth. Are her gentlemen friends all idiots that they +have not--" + +"What! talking to yourself, Mr. Morton? I fear the events of this day +are turning your head." And Miss Warren entered. + +"Speak of an angel--you know the saying." "Indeed! The only word I +heard as I entered was 'idiot.'" + +"Pardon me, you overheard the word 'idiots,' so can gather nothing +from that." + +"No, your mutterings are dark indeed. I see no light or sense in them; +but the doctor came to Adah's door and asked me for more coffee." + +"How is Miss Adah?" + +"Doing nicely. She'll sleep soon, I think." + +"I do hope little Zillah is recovering." + +"Yes, Reuben put a radiant face within the door, a few minutes since, +and said Zillah was 'coming to,' as he expressed it. Adah is doing so +well that I feel assured about the others. Now that she is becoming +quiet, I think I can leave her and help with Zillah." + +"And you're not exhausting yourself?" + +"I've not yet reached the stage of muttering delirium. Mr. Morton, +will you permit me to suggest that you go to your room and put on dry +clothes. You are not fit to be seen. Moreover, there is a mark athwart +your nose that gives to your face a sinister aspect, not becoming in +one whose deeds of darkness this night will bear the light of all +coming time. It might be appropriate in a printing-office; but I don't +intend to have little Zillah frightened. Oh, I'm so glad and grateful +that we have all escaped! There, that will do; give me the tray." + +"Beg your pardon: I shall carry it up myself. What on earth would I +have done without you in this emergency?" + +"Come, Mr. Morton, I'm not used to being disobeyed. Yes, you did look +as helpless as only a man can look when there's illness; and there's +no telling what awful remedies you might have administered before the +doctor came. I think I shall take the credit of saving all our lives, +since you and Reuben won't." + +She pushed open the door of Mrs. Yocomb's room, and her face changed +instantly. + +Little Zillah lay on the bed and was still unconscious. Mrs. Yocomb +had been moved into an armchair, and every moment comprehension of the +truth grew clearer, and her motherly solicitude was intensified. + +Reuben evidently was frightened, and the doctor's brow was knitted +into a frown of perplexity. + +"We thought she was coming to," said Reuben to Miss Warren, "but she's +gone back worse than ever." + +"Mr. Morton, I wish you to give to all a cup of that coffee and take +some yourself," said the physician, in a quiet but authoritative +voice. "Mr. Yocomb, you must not rise; you will be ill again, and I +now need all the help I can get with this child. We must try +artificial respiration, spraying the chest with cold water, and every +possible means." + +"Would to God that I could help thee!" cried Mrs. Yocomb. + +"You can help by keeping absolutely quiet. Mr. Morton, in this +emergency you must become as a brother or one of the family." + +"I am one with them to-night," I said earnestly; "let me help you in +any way." + +"You three must rub her with flannel and spirits, while I lift her +arms slowly up and down to try to induce respiration." + +The poor limp little body--how sacred it seemed to me! + +We worked and worked till the perspiration poured from our faces. +Every expedient was tried, until the physician at last desisted and +stood back for a moment in anxious thought. + +Then, in a tone broken with anguish, Mr. Yocomb exclaimed: + +"Would to God the bolt had fallen on my head, and not on this dear +little lamb." + +In bitter protest against it all I cried, "The bolt has fallen on your +heart, Mr. Yocomb. How is it that God has thunderbolts for lambs?" + +"Richard Morton, thee's unjust," began Mrs. Yocomb, in a voice that +she tried to render quiet and resigned. "Who art thou to judge God? +'What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know--' Oh, my child, +my child!" broke out her wailing cry, and motherhood triumphed. + +Reuben was sobbing over his sister with all the abandon of boyish +grief, but Miss Warren stood before the little form, apparently +lifeless, with clasped hands and dilated eyes. + +"I can't--I won't give her up," she exclaimed passionately, and darted +from the room. + +I followed wonderingly. She was already in the kitchen, and had found +a large tub. + +"Fill this with hot water," she said to me. "No! let me do it; I'll +trust no one. Yes, you may carry it up, but please be careful. I'll +bring some cold water to temper it. Doctor," she exclaimed, re- +entering the room, "we must work till we know there is no chance. Yes, +and after we know it. Is not hot water good?" + +"Anything is good that will restore suspended circulation," he +replied; "we'll try it. But wait a moment. I've employed a nice test, +and if there's life I think this little expedient will reveal it." He +held the child's hand, and I noted that a string had been tied around +one of the small white fingers, and that he intently watched the part +of the finger beyond the string. I comprehended the act at once, and +recognized the truth that there would be little hope of life if this +test failed. If there was any circulation at all the string would not +prevent the blood flowing out through the artery, but it would prevent +its return, and, therefore, if there was life a faint color would +manifest itself in the finger. I bent over and held my breath in my +eager scrutiny. + +"The child's alive!" I exclaimed. + +By a quick, impressive gesture the physician checked my manifestation +of feeling and excitement as he said: + +"Yes, she's alive, and that's about all. We'll try a plunge in the hot +bath, and then friction and artificial respiration again." + +We set to work once more with double zeal under the inspiration of +Miss Warren's words and manner, but especially because assured that +life still lingered. In less than a quarter of an hour there was a +perceptible pulse. At last she was able to swallow a little stimulant, +and the faint spark of life, of which we scarcely dared to speak lest +our breath might extinguish it, began to kindle slowly. When at last +she opened her eyes, Miss Warren turned hers heavenward with a fulness +of gratitude that must have been sweet to the fatherly heart of God if +the words be true, "Like as a father pitieth his children." + +Mrs. Yocomb threw herself on her knees by the bedside, sobbing, "Thank +God! thank God!" + +Reuben was growing wild with joy, and the father, overwhelmed with +emotion, was struggling to rise, when the doctor said, in low, decided +tones: + +"Hush! Nothing must be said or done to excite or surprise her. Mr. and +Mrs. Yocomb, as you love your child, control yourselves. You, Mr. +Morton, would seem strange to her, and, with Reuben, had better leave +us now. Miss Warren will help me, and I think all will be well." + +"Don't overtax Miss Warren," I urged, lingering anxiously at the door +a moment. + +She gave me a smiling, reassuring nod, as much as to say that she +would take care of herself. + +"God bless her!" I murmured, as I sought my room. "I believe she has +saved the child." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +MY FATE + + +Having lighted the lamp in my room, I looked around it with a +delicious sense of proprietorship. Its quaint, homely comfort was just +to my taste, and now appeared doubly attractive. Chief of all, it was +a portion of the home I had had some part in saving, and we +instinctively love that which ministers to our self-complacency. An +old house seems to gain a life and being of its own, and I almost +imagined it conscious of gratitude that its existence had not been +blotted out. Mrs. Yocomb's cordial invitation to come and stay when I +could gave me at the time a glad sense that I had found a country +refuge to which I could occasionally escape when in need of rest. I +felt now, however, as if the old walls themselves would welcome me. As +to the inmates of the home, I feared that their grateful sense of the +services I was so fortunate as to render might make their boundless +sense of obligation embarrassing to me. It would be their disposition +to repay an ordinary favor tenfold, and they would always believe that +Reuben and I had saved their lives, and the old home which no doubt +had long been in their family. + +"Well, I'll never complain of fortune again," I thought, "since I've +been permitted to do for these people what I have;" and I threw myself +down on the lounge, conscious of the warm, comfortable glow imparted +by dry clothes and the strong coffee, still more conscious of an inner +satisfaction that the threatening events of the night had ended just +as I could have wished. + +"Since it was to be, thank God I was here and was able to act for the +best," I murmured. "The June sunshine and the lightning have thrown +considerable light on my future. I said to Emily Warren, 'What could I +have done without you in this emergency?' With still greater emphasis +I feel like asking, What would life be without you? It seems absurd +that one person should become essential to the life of another in a +few brief hours. And yet, why absurd? Is it not rather in accord with +the deepest and truest philosophy of life? Is the indissoluble union +of two lives to result from long and careful calculations of the pros +and cons? In true marriage it seems to me the soul should recognize +its mate when meeting it." + +It thus may be seen that I was no exception to that large class who +accept or create a philosophy pleasing to it, and there is usually +enough truth in any system to prevent its being wholly unreasonable. + +I heard a step in the hall, and as I had left my door open so that at +any sound I could spring up, I was so fortunate as to intercept the +object of my thoughts. Her face was full of deep content, but very +pale. To the eager questioning of my manner, she replied: + +"The doctor says Zillah is doing as well as we could expect. Oh, I'm +so glad!" "Miss Warren, you don't know how pale you are. When are +_you_ going to rest? I've been lying down, and my conscience troubled +me as I thought of you still working." + +"I never imagined that editors had such tender consciences," she said, +with a low laugh, and she vanished into Adah's room. + +I knew she wouldn't stay long, and remained at the end of the hall, +looking out of the window. The lightning flashes had grown faint and +distant, but they were almost incessant, and they revealed that the +clouds were growing thin toward the west, while near the horizon a +star glimmered distinctly. + +"Miss Warren," I called, as she came out of Adah's room, "I've a good +omen to show you. Do you see that star in the west? I think the +morning will be cloudless?" + +"But those flashes prove that the storm is causing fear and loss to +other and distant homes." + +"Not at all. It is, no doubt, causing 'better grain and clearer +skies,' as Mr. Yocomb said. Such an experience as we have had to- +night, while having its counterparts not infrequently, take the world +over, is by no means common." + +"Oh, I hope we may have no more heavy thunderstorms this summer. They +are about the only drawback to this lovely season." + +"You are perfectly safe so long as you remain here," I laughed; "you +know the lightning never strikes twice in the same place." + +"I hope to stay here, but for better reasons than that." + +"So do I." + +"I should think you would. You, certainly, are no longer homeless. Mr. +and Mrs. Yocomb will adopt you in spite of yourself as soon as they +realize it all. The string of the latch will always hang outside of +the door for you, I can tell you; and a nice place it will be for a +city man to come." + +"And for a city woman, too. Mrs. Yocomb had adopted you before all +this happened, and I don't believe she'll forget that you really saved +little Zillah's life." + +"The dear little thing!" she exclaimed, tears starting to her eyes. +"How pathetic her little unconscious form was!" + +"To me," I replied earnestly, "it was the most exquisite and sacred +thing I ever saw. I don't wonder you felt as you did when you said, 'I +can't--I won't give her up,' for it seemed at the moment almost as if +my life depended on her life, so powerful was her hold on my sympathy. +The doctor spoke truer than he thought, for it seems as if the +lightning had fused me into this family, and my grief would have been +almost as great as Reuben's had little Zillah not revived." + +"I feel as if it would have broken my heart," and her tears fell fast. +Dashing them away she said, "I cry as well as laugh too easily, and +I'm often so provoked that I could shake myself. I must say that I +think we're all becoming well acquainted for people who have met so +recently." + +"Oh, as for you," I replied, "I knew you well in some previous state +of existence, and have just met you again." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, turning on me brusquely, "I shall not be quite +sure as to your entire sanity till you have had a long sleep. You have +seemed a little out of your head on some points ever since our +extended acquaintance began. You have appeared impressed or oppressed +with the hallucination that this day--is it to-day or to-morrow?" + +"It's to-day for a little while longer," I replied, looking at my +watch. + +"Well, then, that to-day was 'a day of fate,' and you made me nervous +on the subject--" + +"Then I'm as sane as you are." + +"No, I hadn't any such nonsense in my mind till you suggested it, but +having once entertained the idea it haunted me." + +"Yes, and it haunts you still," I said, eagerly. + +"What time is it, Mr. Morton?" + +"It lacks but a few moments of midnight." + +"No," she said, laughingly, "I don't believe anything more will happen +to-day, and as soon as the old clock downstairs strikes twelve I think +the light of reason will burn again in your disordered mind. Good- +night." + +Instead of going, however, she hesitated, looked at me earnestly a +moment, then asked: + +"You said you found me unconscious?" + +"Yes." + +"How did you revive me?" + +"I carried you to the sofa under the window, which I opened. I then +chafed your hands, but I think the wind and spray restored you." + +"I don't remember fainting before; and--oh, well, this whole +experience has been so strange that I can't realize it." + +"Don't try to. If I'm a little out of my head, your soul will be out +of your body if you don't take better care of yourself. You might as +well be killed by lightning as over-fatigue. That doctor seems to +think you are made of india-rubber." + +"I've laughed to myself more than once at your injunctions to the +doctor since Zillah revived. We've had such a narrow escape that I +feel as if I ought not to laugh again for a year, but I can't help it. +I won't thank you as I meant to--it might make you vain. Good-night," +and she gave my hand a quick, strong pressure, and went swiftly back +to Mrs. Yocomb's room. + +Had my hand clasped only flesh and blood, bone and sinew? No, indeed. +I felt that I had had within my grasp a gratitude and friendly regard +that was so full and real that the warm-hearted, impulsive girl would +not trust herself to express it in words. Her manner, however, was so +frank and unconstrained that I knew her feelings to be only those of +gratitude and friendly regard, seeing clearly that she entertained no +such thoughts as had come unbidden to me. + +In spite of my fatigue, the habit of my life and the strong coffee +would have banished all thought of sleep for hours to come, if there +had been no other cause, but the touch of a little hand had put more +glad awakening life within me than all the stimulants of the world. + +I went downstairs and looked through the old house to see that all was +right, with as much solicitude as if it were indeed my own home. +Excepting the disorder I had caused in the kitchen and hall, it had +the midnight aspect of quiet and order that might have existed for a +century. + +"I would not be afraid of the ghosts that came back to this home," I +muttered. "Indeed, I would like to see Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's +ancestors; and, now I think of it, some one of them should wear a +jaunty, worldly hat to account for Adah. By Jove! but she was +beautiful as she lay there, with her perfect physical life suspended +instantaneously. If the lightning would only create a woman within the +exquisite casket, the result would well repay what we have passed +through. Her mother would say, as I suppose, that another and subtler +fire from heaven were needed for such a task." + +As I came out into the hall the great clock began to strike, in the +slow, dignified manner befitting its age-- + +"One, two, three--twelve." + +The day of fate had passed. I knew Emily Warren was laughing at me +softly to herself as she and the physician watched with the patients +in Mrs. Yocomb's room. + +I was in no mood to laugh, for every moment the truth was growing +clearer that I had met my fate. + +I looked into the parlor, in which a lamp was burning, and conjured up +the scene I had witnessed there. I saw a fair young face, with eyes +turned heavenward, and heard again the words, "My faith looks up to +Thee." + +Their faith had been sorely tried. The burning bolt from heaven seemed +a strange response to that faith; the crashing thunder a wild, harsh +echo to the girl's sweet, reverent tones. + +"Is it all chance?" I queried, "or all inexorable law? Who or what is +the author of the events of this night?" As if in answer, Mrs. +Yocomb's text came into my mind: "What I do thou knowest not now, but +thou shalt know hereafter." + +"Well," I muttered, "perhaps there is as much reason in their +philosophy as in any other. Somebody ought to be in charge of all this +complex life and being." + +I went out on the piazza. The rain was still falling, but softly and +lightly. A freshening breeze was driving the thin, lingering clouds +before it, and star after star looked out, as if lights were being +kindled in the western sky. The moon was still hidden, but the vapor +was not dense enough to greatly obscure her rays. In the partial light +the valley seemed wider, the mountains higher, and everything more +beautiful, in contrast with the black tempest that had so recently +filled the scene. + +I sat down on the piazza to watch with those who were watching with +the child. I made up my mind that I certainly should not retire until +the physician departed; and in my present mood I felt that my +midsummer night's dream would be to me more interesting than that of +Will Shakespeare. Hour after hour passed almost unnoted. The night +became serene and beautiful. The moon, like a confident beauty, at +last threw aside her veil of clouds, and smiled as if assured of +welcome. Raindrops gemmed every leaf; and when the breeze increased, +myriads of them sparkled momentarily through the silver light. As +morning approached the air grew so sweet that I recognized the truth +that the new flowers of a new day were opening, and that I was +inhaling their virgin perfume. + +I rose and went softly to the ivy-covered gateway of the old garden, +and the place seemed transfigured in the white moonlight. Even the +kitchen vegetables lost their homely, prosaic aspect. I stole to the +lilac-bush, and peered at the home that had been roofless through all +the wild storm. My approach had been so quiet that the little brown +mother sat undisturbed, with her head under her wing; but the paternal +robin, from an adjacent spray, regarded me with unfeigned surprise and +alarm. He uttered a note of protest, and the mother-bird instantly +raised her head and fixed on me her round, startled eyes. I stole away +hastily, smiling to myself as I said: + +"Both families will survive unharmed, and both nests are safe." + +I went to the spot where I had stood with Emily Warren at the time I +had half-jestingly, half-earnestly indulged my fancy to reproduce a +bit of Eden-like frankness. Under the influence of the hour and my +mood I was able to conjure up the maiden's form almost as if she were +a real presence. I knew her far better now. With her I had passed +through an ordeal that would test severely the best and strongest. She +had been singularly strong and very weak; but the weakness had left no +stain on her crystal truth, and her strength had been of the best and +most womanly kind. As in the twilight, so in the white moonlight, she +again made perfect harmony in the transfigured garden. + +"There is but one woman in the world for me," I murmured, "as truly as +there was only one for the first lonely man. I know not how it is with +her, but I hope--oh, what would life now be to me without this hope!-- +that she cannot have inspired this absolute conviction that she is +essential to my being without some answering sympathy in her own +woman's heart. But whether this is true or not, or whether it ever can +be true, _I have met my fate_." + +As I returned from the garden I saw that the dawn was coming, and I +sat down and watched it brighten with the feeling that a new and happy +life was also coming. + +THE END OF BOOK FIRST + + + + +_BOOK SECOND_ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE DAY AFTER + + +The epochs of one's life are not divided according to the calendar, +nor are they measured by the lapse of time. Within a few brief hours I +had reached a conclusion that left no shadow of doubt on my mind. As I +sat there in the beautiful June dawn I turned a page in my history. +The record of future joys and ills would have to be kept in double +entry, for I felt with absolute conviction that I could entertain no +project and decide no question without instinctively and naturally +consulting the maiden who had quietly and as if by divine right +obtained the mastery of my soul. But a day since I would have said +that my present attitude was impossible, but now it seemed both right +and inevitable. The doubt, the sense of strangeness and remoteness +that we justly associate with a comparative stranger, had utterly +passed away, and in their place was a feeling of absolute trust and +rest. I could place in her hands the best treasures of my life, +without a shadow of hesitancy, so strongly had I been impressed with +her truth. + +And yet it all was a beautiful mystery, over which I could have +dreamed for hours. + +I had not shunned society in the past, and had greatly admired other +ladies. Their voices had been sweet and low, as a woman's tones should +be, and their glances gentle and kind, but not one of them had +possessed the power to quicken my pulse or to disturb the quiet +slumber of my heart; but this woman spoke to me as with authority from +heaven. "My whole being," I murmured, "bows down to her by a +constraint that I could scarcely resist, and no queen in the despotic +past ever had a more loyal subject than I have become. To serve her, +even to suffer for her and to stand between her and all evils the +world could inflict, are privileges that I covet supremely. My regard +is not a sudden passion, for passion is selfish and inconsiderate. My +love is already united with honor and reverence, and my strongest +impulse is to promote her happiness before my own. The thought of her +is an inspiration toward a purer, better manhood than I have yet +known. Her truth and innate nobility produce an intense desire to +become like her, so that she may look into my eyes and trust also." + +I scarcely know how long my bright-hued dream would have lasted, but +at length the door of Mrs. Yocomb's room opened, and steps were on the +stairs. A moment later the physician came out, and Miss Warren stood +in the doorway. + +"They are all sleeping quietly," he said, in answer to my inquiry. +"Yes; all danger in Zillah's case is now passed, I think; but she's +had a serious time of it, poor little thing!" + +"There's no need of your walking home to-night," protested Miss +Warren. "We can make you comfortable here, and Reuben will gladly +drive you over in the morning." + +"It's morning now," he said, smiling, "and I'll enjoy the walk in the +fresh air. I'll call again before very long. Good-day!" and he walked +lightly down the path, as if all were very satisfactory to him. + +"What are you doing here, Mr. Morton?" Miss Warren asked, assuming an +expression of strong surprise. + +"Helping to watch." + +"What a waste! You haven't done Zillah a bit of good." + +"Didn't you know I was here?" + +"Yes; but I hope you don't think that I need watching?" + +"I was within call." "So you would have been if sleeping. I could have +blown the great tin horn if it had been necessary to waken you, and +you had remained undisturbed by other means." + +"Oh, well, then, if it made no difference to you, I'll merely say I'm +a night editor, and kept awake from habit." + +"I didn't say it made no difference to me," she answered. "You ought +to have known better than to have made that speech." + +"Miss Warren," I urged anxiously, "you look white as a ghost in this +mingling of moonlight and morning. When _will_ you rest?" + +"When the mind and heart are at rest a tired body counts for little. +So you're not afraid of ghosts?" + +I looked at her intently as I replied: "No, I would like to be haunted +all my life." + +It was not wholly the reflection of the dawn that tinged the pallor of +her face as I spoke these words. + +After a moment's hesitation she apparently dismissed a thought, and +maintained her old frank manner. + +"Oh, how beautiful, how welcome the morning is!" she exclaimed, coming +out on the piazza. "To think that this is the same world that we saw +last night--it's almost impossible." + +"Mr. Yocomb's words will yet prove true," I said, "and clearer skies +and better grain will be the result of the storm." + +"Oh, I'm so glad, I'm so very glad," she murmured. "This morning is +like a benediction;" and its brightness and beauty glowed in her face. + +"I can tell you something that will please you greatly," I continued. +"I have visited the little home in the garden that was open to last +night's sky. The father and mother robins are well, and I'm sure all +the little ones are too, for the mother robin had her head under her +wing--a thing impossible, I suppose, if anything was amiss with the +children." + +"Oh, I'm so glad!" she again repeated, and there was a joyous, +exquisite thrill in her tones. + +At that moment there came a burst of song from the top of the pear- +tree in the garden, and we saw the head of the little household +greeting the day. + +Almost as sweetly and musically my companion's laugh trilled out: + +"So it wasn't the day of fate after all." + +Impelled by an impulse that for the moment seemed irresistible, I took +her hand as I said earnestly: + +"Yes, Miss Warren, for me it was, whether for a lifetime of happiness +or of disappointment." + +At first she appeared startled, and gave me a swift, searching glance; +then a strong expression of pain passed over her face. She understood +me well, for my look and manner would have been unmistakable to any +woman. + +She withdrew her hand as she said gently: + +"You are overwrought from watching--from all that's happened; let us +both forget that such rash words were spoken." + +"Do not think it," I replied, slowly and deliberately. "I have learned +to know you better since we have met than I could in months or years +amid the conventionalities of society. In you I recognize my fate as +vividly and distinctly as I saw you in the lightning's gleam last +night. Please hear and understand me," I urged, as she tried to check +my words by a strong gesture of dissent. "If you had parents or +guardians, I would ask them for the privilege of seeking your hand. +Since you have not, I ask you. At least, give me a chance. I can never +prove worthy of you, but by years of devotion I can prove that I +appreciate you." + +"Oh, I'm so sorry, so very sorry you feel so," she said, and there was +deep distress in her tones; "I was in hopes we should be life-long +friends." + +"We shall be," I replied quietly. She looked at me hesitatingly a +moment, then said impulsively: + +"Mr. Morton, you are too honorable a man to seek that which belongs to +another. There," she added, flushing deeply, "I've told you what I've +acknowledged to no one--scarcely to myself." + +I know that the light of hope faded out of my face utterly, for I felt +ill and faint. If in truth she belonged to another, her absolute truth +would make her so loyal to him that further hope would be not only +vain but an insult, which she would be the first to resent. + +"I understand you too well," I began despondently, "to say another +word. Miss Warren. I--I wish--it seems rather odd I should have felt +so toward you when it was no use. It was as inevitable as our meeting. +The world and all that's in it is an awful muddle to me. But God bless +you, and if there's any good God, you will be blessed." I shivered as +I spoke, and was about to leave the piazza hastily, when her eager and +entreating tones detained me. + +"Mr. Morton, you said that in spite of all we should be friends; let +me claim my privilege at once. I'm sure I'm right in believing that +you're overwrought and morbid, from the strange experiences you have +just passed through. Do not add to your exhaustion by starting off on +another aimless walk to-day; though you may think it might lead you to +a better fate, it cannot bring you to those who care so deeply for +you. We'll be merry, true-hearted friends after we've had time to rest +and think it all over." + +"True-hearted, anyway," I said emphatically. "What's more, I'll be +sane when we meet again--entirely matter-of-fact, indeed, since I +already foresee that I shall be troubled by no more days of fate. +Good-by now; go and sleep the sleep of the just; I'll rest quietly +here;" and I held out my hand. + +She took it in both of hers, and said gently: "Mr. Morton, I believe +you saved my--our lives last night." + +"I had some hand in it--yes, that should be happiness enough. I'll +make it answer; but never speak of it again." + +"When I cease to think of it I shall cease to think at all," she said, +in strong emphasis; and with a lingering wistful glance she passed +slowly in and up the winding stairway. + +I watched her as I would a ship that had left me on a desolate rock. + +"She is one that could not change if she would," I thought. "It's all +over. No matter; possibly I saved her life." + +I sat down again in a rustic chair on the piazza, too miserable and +disheartened to do more than endure the pain of my disappointment. +Indeed there was nothing else to do, for seemingly I had set my heart +on the impossible. Her words and manner had made but one impression-- +that she had given her love and faith to an earlier and more fortunate +suitor. + +"It would be strange if it were otherwise," I muttered. "I was the +'idiot,' in thinking that her gentlemen friends were blind; but I +protest against a world in which men are left to blunder so fatally. +The other day I felt broken down physically; I now know that I'm +broken and disabled in all respects. The zest and color have wholly +gone out of life. If I ever go back to my work I shall find my +counterpart in the most jaded and dispirited stage-horse in the city. +Miss Warren will have no more occasion to criticise light, smart +paragraphs. Indeed, I imagine that I shall soon be restricted to the +obituary notices, and I now feel like writing my own. Confound these +birds! What makes them sing so? Nature's a heartless jade anyway. Last +night she would have burned us up with lightning, and this morning +there would have been not a whit less of song and sunshine. Oh, well, +it's far better that my hopes are in ashes than that this house should +be. I, and all there is of me, is a small price to pay for this home +and its inmates; and if I saved her little finger from being scorched, +I should be well content. But why the devil did I feel so toward her +when it was of no use! That fact irritates me. Is my whole nature a +lie, and are its deepest intuitions and most sacred impulses false +guides that lead one out into the desert to perish? In the crisis of +my life, when I had been made to see that past tendencies were wrong, +and I was ready for any change for the better, my random, aimless +steps led to this woman, and, as I said to her, the result was +inevitable. All nature seemed in league to give emphasis to the +verdict of my own heart, but the moment I reached the conviction that +she was created for me and I for her, I am informed that she was +created for another. I must therefore be one of the odd ones, for whom +there is no mate. Curse it all! I rather feel as if another man were +going to marry my wife, and I must admit that I have a consuming +curiosity to see him. + +"But this can't be. Her heart must have recognized the true kinship in +this other man--blast him! no, bless him, if she marries him--for +she's the last one in the world to enter into merely legal relations, +unsanctioned by the best and purest instincts of her womanly nature. + +"It's all the devil's own muddle." + +And no better conclusion did I reach that dismal morning--the most +dismal I can remember, although the hour abounded in beauty and the +glad, exuberant life that follows a summer rain. I once heard a +preacher say that hell could be in heaven and heaven in hell. I +thought him a trifle irreverent at the time, but now half believed him +right. + +My waking train of thought ended in a stupor in which I do not think I +lost for a moment the dull consciousness of pain. I was aroused by a +step upon the gravel-path, and, starting up, saw the woman who served +Mrs. Yocomb in the domestic labors of the farmhouse. She stopped and +stared at me a moment, and then was about to continue around the house +to the kitchen entrance. + +"Wait a moment, my good woman," I said; "and you'll now have a chance +to prove yourself a good woman, and a very helpful and considerate +one, too. The house was struck by lightning last night." + +"Lord a massy!" she ejaculated, and she struck an attitude with her +hands on her hips, and stared at me again, with her small eyes and +capacious mouth opened to their utmost extent. + +"Yes," I continued, "and all were hurt except Reuben. The doctor has +been here, and all are now better and sleeping, so please keep the +house quiet, and let us sleep till the doctor comes again. Then have a +good fire, so that you can get ready at once whatever he orders for +the patients." + +"Lord a massy!" she again remarked very emphatically, and scuttled off +to her kitchen domains in great excitement. + +I now felt that my watch had ended, and that I could give the old +farmhouse into the hands of one accustomed to its care. Therefore I +wearily climbed the stairs to my room, and threw myself, dressed, on +the lounge. + +After a moment or two Miss Warren's door opened, and her light step +passed down to the kitchen. She, too, had been on the watch for the +coming of the domestic, and, if aware that I had seen the woman, did +not regard me as competent to enlighten her as to her duties for the +day. The kitchen divinity began at once: + +"Lord a massy, Miss Em'ly, what a time yer's all had! The strange man +told me. There hain't no danger now, is there?" + +In response to some remark from Miss Warren she continued, in shrill +volubility: + +"Yes, he told me yer's all struck but Reub'n. I found him a-sittin' on +the stoop, and a-lookin' all struck of a heap himself. Is that the way +lightning 'fects folks? He looked white as a ghost, and as if he +didn't keer ef he was one afore night. 'Twas amazin'--" and here Miss +Warren evidently silenced her. + +I heard the murmur of her voice as she gave a few brief directions, +and then her steps returned swiftly to her room. + +"She can be depended upon," I sighed, "to do all she thinks right. She +must have been wearied beyond mortal endurance, and worried by my rash +and unlooked-for words, and yet she keeps up till all need is past. +Every little act shows that I might as well try to win an angel of +heaven as sue against her conscience, she is so absolutely true. +You're right, old woman; I _was_ 'struck,' and I wish it had been +by lightning only." + +Just when I exchanged waking thoughts for hateful dreams I do not +remember. At last I started to my feet, exclaiming: + +"It's all wrong; he shall not marry my wife!" and then I sat down on +the lounge and tried to extricate myself from the shadows of sleep, +and thus become able to recognize the facts of the real world that I +must now face. Slowly the events of the previous day and night came +back, and with them a sense of immeasurable loss. The sun was low in +the west, thus proving that my unrefreshing stupor had lasted many +hours. The clatter of knives, and forks indicated preparations for +supper in the dining-room below. I dreaded meeting the family and all +words of thanks, as one would the touching of a diseased nerve. More +than all, I dreaded meeting Miss Warren again, feeling that we both +would be under a wretched constraint. My evil mood undoubtedly had +physical causes, for my mouth was parched, my head throbbed and ached, +and I felt so ill in body and mind, so morbid and depressed, that I +was ready to escape to New York without seeing a soul, were the thing +possible. + +The door opened softly, and I saw Reuben's ruddy, happy face. + +"Oh, I'm so glad thee's awake," he said. "They're all doing well. +Adah's got well so fast that she actually looks better than Emily +Warren. Even Zillah's quite bright this evening, only she's so weak +she can't sit up much, but the doctor says it'll wear away. Thee +doesn't look very extra, and no wonder, thee did so much. Father, +mother, and Emily Warren have been talking about thee for the last two +hours, and Adah can't ask questions enough about thee, and how thee +found her. She says the last thing she saw was thee on the lawn, and +thee was the first thing she saw when she came to, and now she says +she can't help seeing thee all the time. Emily Warren said we must let +thee sleep as long as thee would, for that, she said, was what thee +needed most of all." + +"She's mistaken," I muttered, starting up. "Reuben," I continued +aloud, "you're a good, brave fellow. I'll come down to supper as soon, +as I can fairly wake up. I feel as stupid as an owl at midday, but I'm +exceedingly glad that all are doing well." + +When he left me I thought, "Well, I will keep up for two or three +hours, and then can excuse myself. To-morrow I can return to New York, +since clearly this will be no place for me. Miss Warren thinks that a +little sleep will cure me, and that I will be sane and sensible now +that I am awake. She will find me matter-of-fact indeed, for I feel +like a bottle of champagne that has stood uncorked for a month; but +may the devil fly away with me if I play the forlorn, lackadaisical +lover, and show my wounds." + +I bathed my face again and again, and made as careful a toilet as +circumstances permitted. + +In their kind-hearted simplicity they had evidently planned a sort of +family ovation, for as I came out on the piazza, they were all there +except Miss Warren, who sat at her piano playing softly; but as Mr. +Yocomb rose to greet me she turned toward us, and through the open +window could see us and hear all that passed. The old gentleman still +bore marks of his shock and the illness that followed, but there was +nothing weak or limp in his manner as he grasped my hand and began +warmly: + +"Richard Morton, last night I said thee was welcome; I now say this +home is as truly thine as mine. Thee saved mother and the children +from--" and here his voice was choked by emotion. + +Mrs. Yocomb seized my other hand, and I saw that she was "moved" now +if ever, for her face was eloquent with kindly, grateful feeling. + +"Please don't," I said, so sharply as to indicate irritation, for I +felt that I could not endure another syllable. Then, slapping Reuben +brusquely on the shoulder, I added, "Reuben was quite as helpful as I: +thank him. Any tramp from New York would try to do as much as I did, +and might have done better. Ah, here is Zillah!" And I saw that the +little girl was propped up on pillows just within the parlor window, +where she could enjoy the cool evening air without too great exposure. +"If she'll give me another kiss we'll call it all square and say no +more about it," and I leaned over the window-sill. + +The child put her arms around my neck and clung to me for a moment. +There could have been no better antidote for my mood of irritable +protest against my fate than the child's warm and innocent embrace, +and for a moment it was balm indeed. + +"There," I cried, kissing her twice, "now I'm overpaid." Raising my +eyes, I met those of Miss Warren as she sat by her piano. + +"Yes," she said, with a smile, "after that I should think you would be +more than content." + +"I certainly ought to be," I replied, looking at her steadily. + +"Zillah's very grateful," Miss Warren continued. "She knows that you +watched with her till morning." + +"So did other night-owls, Zillah, and they were quite as useful as I +was." + +She reached up her hand and pulled me down. "Mother said," she began. + +"You needn't tell a stranger what mother said," and I put my finger on +her lips. + +"Thee's no more of a stranger than Emily Warren," said the little girl +reproachfully. "I can't think of thee without thinking of her." + +I raised my eyes in a quick flash toward the young lady, but she had +turned to the piano, and her right hand was evoking a few low chords. + +"Miss Warren can tell you," I said, laughing, "that when people have +been struck by lightning they often don't think straight for a long +time to come." + +"Crooked thinking sometimes happens without so vivid a cause," Miss +Warren responded, without looking around. + +"Zillah's right in thinking that thee can never be a stranger in this +home," said Mrs. Yocomb warmly. + +"Mrs. Yocomb, please don't think me insensible to the feelings which +are so apparent. Should I live centuries, the belief that I had served +you and yours after your kindness would still be my pleasantest +thought. But you overrate what I have done: it was such obvious duty +that any one would have done the same, or else his ears should have +been cropped. It gives me a miserably mean feeling to have you thank +me so for it. Please don't any more." + +"We forget," said Miss Warren, advancing to the window, "that Mr. +Morton is versed in tragedies, and has daily published more dreadful +affairs." + +"Yes, and has written 'paragraphs' about them that no doubt seemed +quite as lurid as the events themselves, suggesting that I gloated +over disasters as so much material." + +"Mr. Morton, isn't it nearly as bad to tell fibs about one's self as +about other people?" + +"My depravity will be a continuous revelation to you, Miss Warren," I +replied. + +With a low laugh she answered, "I see you make no secret of it," and +she went back to her piano. + +I had bowed cordially to Adah as I joined the family group, and had +been conscious all the time of her rather peculiar and fixed scrutiny, +which I imagined suggested a strong curiosity more than anything else. + +"Well, Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb, as if the words were +irrepressible, "thee knows a little of how we feel toward thee, if +thee won't let us say as much as we would like. I love this old home +in which I was born and have lived until this day. I could never build +another home like it if every leaf on the farm were a bank-note. But I +love the people who live here far more. Richard Morton, I know how it +would all have ended, and thee knows. The house was on fire, and all +within it were helpless and unconscious. I've seen it all to-day, and +Reuben has told us. May the Lord bless thee for what them hast done +for me and mine! I'm not going to burden thee with our gratitude, but +truth is truth, and we must speak out once for all, to be satisfied. +Thee knows, too, that when a Friend has anything on his mind it's got +to come; hasn't it, mother? Richard Morton, thee has saved us all from +a horrible death." + +"Yes, Mr. Morton," said Miss Warren, coming again to the window and +laughing at my crimson face and embarrassment, "you _must_ face that +truth--there's no escaping it. Forgive me, Mr. Yocomb, for laughing +over so serious a subject, but Reuben and Mr. Morton amuse me greatly. +Mr. Morton already says that any tramp from New York would have done +the same. By easy transition he will soon begin to insist that it was +some other tramp. I now understand evolution." + +"Emily Warren, thee needn't laugh at Richard Morton," said Reuben a +little indignantly; "thee owes more to him than to any other man +living." + +She did not turn to the piano so quickly now but that I saw her face +flush at the unlooked-for speech. + +"That you are mistaken, Reuben, no one knows better than Miss Warren +herself," I replied irritably. + +She turned quickly and said, in a low tone, "You are right, Mr. +Morton. Friends do not keep a debit and credit account with each +other. I shall not forget, however, that Reuben is right also, even +though I may seem to sometimes," and she left the room. + +I was by the open window, and I do not think any one heard her words +except Zillah, and she did not understand them. + +I stood looking after her, forgetful of all else, when a hand laid +upon my arm caused me to look around, and I met Adah's gaze, and it +was as fixed and intent as that of a child. + +"She doesn't owe thee any more than I do," she said gravely. "I wish I +could do something for thee." + +"Why do you say 'thee' to me now?--you always said 'you' before," I +asked. + +"I don't know. It seems as if I couldn't say 'you' to thee any more," +and a delicate color stole into her face. + +"We all feel as if thee were one of us now," explained Mrs. Yocomb +gently, "and I trust that life will henceforth seem to Adah a more +sacred thing, and worthy of more sacred uses." And she passed into the +house to prepare for supper. + +Mr. Yocomb followed her, and Reuben went down to the barn. + +"If you live to grow like your mother, Miss Adah, you will be the most +beautiful woman in the world," I said frankly, for I felt as if I +could speak to her almost as I would to Zillah. + +Her eyes drooped and her color deepened as she shook her head and +murmured: + +"I'd rather be Emily Warren than any other woman in the world." + +Her words and manner so puzzled me that I thought she had not fully +recovered from the effects of the shock, and I replied, in an off-hand +way: + +"After a few weeks of teaching stupid children to turn noise into +music you would gladly be yourself again." + +She paid no heed to this remark, but, with the same intent, exploring +look, asked: + +"Thee was the first one I saw when I came to last night?" + +"Yes, and you were much afraid of me." + +"I was foolish--I fear mother's right, and I've always been foolish." + +"Your manner last night was most natural. I was a stranger, and a +hard-looking customer, too, when I entered your room." + +"I hope I didn't look very--very bad." + +"You looked so like a beautiful piece of marble that I feared you were +dead." + +"Thee wouldn't have cared much." + +"Indeed I would. If you knew how anxious I was about Zillah--" + +"Ugh!" she interrupted, with an expression of strong disgust, "I might +have been a horrid, blackened thing if it hadn't been for thee." + +"Oh, hush!" I cried; "I merely threw a couple of pails of water on the +roof. Please say no more about it." + +She passed her hand over her brow, and said hesitatingly: + +"I'm so puzzled--I feel so strangely. It seems an age since +yesterday." + +"You've had a very severe shock, Miss Adah." + +"Yes, that may be it; but it's so strange that I was afraid of thee." + +"Why, Miss Adah, I was wet as a drowned rat, and had a black mark +across my nose. I would have made an ideal burglar." + +"That oughtn't to have made any difference; thee was trying to save my +life." + +"But you didn't know it." + +"I don't believe I know anything rightly. I--I feel so strange--just +as if I had waked up and hadn't got anything clear. But I know this +much, in spite of what Reuben said," she added impulsively; "Emily +Warren doesn't owe thee any more than I do." And she turned like a +flash and was gone. + +"Poor child," I muttered, "she hasn't recovered so fully as the +others." + +I had been holding one of Zillah's hands during the interview, and she +now pulled me down and whispered: + +"What's the matter with thee, Richard Morton?" + +"Heaven grant you may never know, little one. Good-by." I had scarcely +left the piazza, however, before Mrs. Yocomb called: + +"Richard Morton, thee must be famished. Come to supper." + + + + +CHAPTER II + +"IT WAS INEVITABLE" + + +I ought to have had a ravenous appetite but I had none at all. I ought +to have been glad and thankful from the depths of my heart, but I was +so depressed that everything I said was forced and unnatural. My head +felt as if it were bursting, and I was enraged with myself and the +wretched result of my bright dream. Indeed I found myself inclined to +a spirit of recklessness and irritation that was wellnigh +irresistible. + +Miss Warren seemed as wholly free from any morbid, unnatural +tendencies as Mr. Yocomb himself, and she did her utmost to make the +hour as genial as it should have been. At first I imagined that she +was trying to satisfy herself that I had recovered my senses, and that +my unexpected words, spoken in the morning, were the result of a mood +that was as transient as it was abnormal. I think I puzzled her; I +certainly did not understand myself any better than did poor Adah, +whose mind appeared to be in solution from the effects of the +lightning, and I felt that I must be appearing worse than idiotic. + +Miss Warren, resolutely bent on banishing every unnatural constraint, +asked Mr. Yocomb: + +"How is my genuine friend, Old Plod? Did the lightning wake him up?" + +"No, he plods as heavily as ever this morning. Thee only can wake him +up." + +"You've no idea what a compliment that is," she said, with a low +laugh. "Old Plod inspires me with a sense of confidence and stability +that is very reassuring in a world full of lightning flashes." + +"Yes," I said, "he is safe as a horse-block, and quite as +exhilarating. Give me Dapple." + +She looked at me quickly and keenly, and colored slightly. She +evidently had some association in her mind with the old plow-horse +that I did not understand. + +"Exhilaration scarcely answers as a steady diet, Mr. Morton." + +"Little chance of its lasting long," I replied, "even in a world +overcharged with electricity." + +"I prefer calm, steady sunshine to these wild alternations." + +"I doubt it; 'calm, steady sunshine' would make the world as dry and +monotonous as a desert." + +"That's true, Richard Morton," said Mr. Yocomb. "I like peace and +quiet more than most men, but even if we had all burned up last night, +this part of the world would have been wonderfully the better for the +storm. I reckon it was worth a million or more dollars to the county." + +"That's the right way to look at it, Mr. Yocomb," I said carelessly. +"The greatest good to the greatest number. Individuals are of no +account." + +"Your philosophy may be true, but I don't like it," Miss Warren +protested. "A woman doesn't generalize." + +"Thy philosophy is only half true, Richard Morton. God cares for each +one of His children, and every one in my house counts for much to me." + +"There's no getting ahead of thee, mother. If we want to talk heresy, +Richard Morton, we must go off by ourselves." + +"I think God showed His love for us in a queer way last night," said +Adah, abruptly. + +Both her father and mother looked pained at this speech, and Mrs. +Yocomb said gravely: + +"Thee'll see things in the true light some day, I hope. The lightning +bolt may have been a message from Heaven to thee." + +"It seems to me that Zillah got more of the message than I did, and +she didn't need any," said the matter-of-fact Adah, "At any rate I +hope Richard Morton may be here if I ever get another message." + +"I shall surely be struck next time," I laughed, a trifle bitterly; +"for according to Mrs. Yocomb's view I need a message more than any of +you." + +It was evident that neither Adah nor I was in a frame of mind that +Mrs. Yocomb could commend. + +"As you suggested, Mr. Morton, if some other tramp from New York had +been present, what a thrilling narrative you could write for your +paper," Miss Warren began. Seemingly she had had enough of clouds the +previous evening, and was bent on clear skies to-night. + +She found me incorrigible, however, for I said briefly: + +"Oh, no, it would only make an item among the crimes and casualties." + +Undaunted, she replied: "And such might have been its appropriate +place had not the doctor arrived so promptly. The casualty had already +occurred, and I'm quite sure you would have finished us all with +original remedies if left to yourself." + +"I agree with you, Miss Warren; blunders are worse than crimes, and +I've a genius for them." + +"Well, I'm not a genius in any sense of the word. Miss Adah and I look +at things as they are. One would think, Mr. Morton, accepting your +view of yourself, that you could supply your paper with all the crimes +and casualties required, as the result of the genius you claim." + +"Stupid blunders would make stupid reading." + +"Oh, that column in your paper is very interesting, then?" + +"Why shouldn't it be? I've never had the bad taste to publish in it +anything about myself." + +"I fail to find any logic in that remark. Have you a conscience, Mr. +Morton?" + +"The idea of an editor having a conscience! I doubt whether you have +ever seen New York, Miss Warren, you are so unsophisticated." + +"Emily, thee shouldn't be afraid of lightning when thee and Richard +Morton are so ready to flash back and forth at one another." + +"My words are only heat lightning, very harmless, and Mr. Morton's +partake of the aurora in character--they are cool and distant." + +"I hope they are not so mysterious," I replied. + +"Their cause is, quite." + +"I think I understand the cause," said Mrs. Yocomb as we rose from the +table; and she came and took my hand. "Richard Morton, thee has fever; +thy hands are hot and thy temples are throbbing." + +I saw that Miss Warren was looking at me with an expression that was +full of kind, regretful interest; but with the perversity of a child +that should have been shaken, I replied, recklessly: + +"I've taken cold, I fear. I sat on the piazza like an owl last night, +and I learned that an owl would have been equally useful there. I fear +I'm going to be ill, Mrs. Yocomb, and I think I had better make a +precipitate retreat to my den in New York." + +"Who'll take care of thee in thy den?" she asked, with a smile that +would have disarmed cynicism itself. + +"Oh, they can spare a devil from the office occasionally," I said +carelessly; but I felt that my remark was brutal. In answer to her +look of pained surprise I added, "Pardon me that I used the vile slang +of the shop; I meant one of the boys employed in the printing-rooms. +Mrs. Yocomb, I have now satisfied you that I'm too much of a bear to +deserve any gentler nurse. I truly think I had better return to town +at once. I've never been very ill, and have no idea how to behave. +It's already clear that I wouldn't prove a meek and interesting +patient, and I don't want to lose your good opinion." + +"Richard Morton, if thee should leave us now I should feel hurt beyond +measure. Thee's not thyself or thee wouldn't think of it." + +"Richard Morton, thee cannot go," said Mr. Yocomb in his hearty way. +"If thee knew mother as I do, thee'd give right in. I don't often put +my foot down, but when I do, it's like old South Mountain there. Ah, +here comes the doctor. Doctor Bates, if thee doesn't prescribe several +weeks of quiet life in this old farmhouse for Friend Morton, I'll +start right off to find a doctor who will." + +"Please stay, and I'll gather wild strawberries for thee," said Adah, +in a low tone. She had stolen close to my side, and still had the +wistful, intent look of a child. + +"You might do worse," Doctor Bates remarked. + +"You'll never make him believe that," laughed Miss Warren, who +evidently believed in tonic treatment and counter-irritants. "He would +much prefer sultry New York and an imp from the printing-rooms." + +"Thee may drive Dapple all thee wishes if thee'll only stay," said +Reuben, his round, boyish face shadowed with unwonted anxiety. + +We were standing in the hallway, and Zillah heard our talk, for her +little figure came tottering out of the parlor in her trailing +wrapper, and her eyes were full of tears. + +"Richard Morton, if thee doesn't stay I'll cry myself sick." + +I caught her up in my arms and carried her back to the sofa, and I +whispered in her ear: + +"I'll stay, Zillah; I'll do anything for you." + +The child clapped her hands gleefully as she exclaimed: + +"Now I've got thee. He's promised me to stay, mother." + +"Yes," said the physician, after feeling my pulse, "you certainly +must, and you ought to be in bed this moment. Your pulse indicates a +very high fever. What's more, you seem badly run down. I shall put you +under active treatment at once; that is, if you'll trust me." + +"Go ahead, doctor," I said, "and get me through one way or the other +before very long. Because these friends are so good and kind is no +reason why I should become a burden to them," and I sank down on the +sofa in the hall. + +"Thee'll do us a great wrong if thee ever thinks that, Richard +Morton," said Mrs. Yocomb earnestly. "Adah, thee see that his room is +ready. I'm going to take thee in hand myself;" and she bustled off to +the kitchen. + +"You couldn't be in better hands, Mr. Morton," said the physician; +"and Mrs. Yocomb can do more for you than I can. I'll try and help a +little, however, and will prescribe for you after I've seen Zillah;" +and he and Mr. Yocomb went into the parlor, while Reuben, with a +triumphant chuckle, started for the barn. + +Now that I was alone for a moment, Miss Warren, who had been standing +in the doorway, and a little aloof, came to me, and her face was full +of trouble as she said hurriedly, in a low tone: + +"I fear I'm to blame for this. You'll never know how sorry I am. I +_do_ owe you so much! Please get well quickly or I'll--" and she +hesitated. + +"You are the only one who did not ask me to stay," I said +reproachfully. + +"I know it; I know, too, that I'd be ill in your place if I could." + +"How could I help loving you!" I said impetuously. "There, forgive +me," I added hastily as I saw her look of pain and almost fright. +"Remember I'm ill, delirious it may be; but whatever happens, also +remember that I said I wouldn't change anything. Were it all to do +over again I'd do the same. It was inevitable: I'm sane enough to know +that. You are not in the least to blame." + +She hung on my last words as if I were giving her absolution from a +mortal sin. + +"It's all a mistake. Oh, if you but knew how I regret--" + +Steps were approaching. I shook my head, with a dreary glimmer of a +smile. + +"Good-by," I said in a whisper, and wearily closed my eyes. + +Everything soon became very confused. I remembered Mr. Yocomb's +helping me to my room. I saw Adah's intent, wistful look as I tried to +thank her. Mrs. Yocomb's kind, motherly face changed into the features +of my own mother, and then came a long blank. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +RETURNING CONSCIOUSNESS + + +I seemed to waken as if from a long, troubled sleep. At first I was +merely conscious that I was awake, and I wondered how long I had +slept. Then I was glad I was awake, and that my confused and hateful +dreams, of which no distinct memory remained, had vanished. The only +thing I could recall concerning them was an indefinite and oppressive +sense of loss of some kind, at which I had vaguely and impotently +protested. + +I knew I was awake, and yet I felt too languid to open my eyes. I was +little more than barely conscious of existence, and I rather enjoyed +this negative condition of complete inertia. The thought floated +through my mind that I was like a new-born child, that knows nothing, +fears nothing, thinks nothing, but simply breathes, and I felt so +tired and "gone" that I coveted an age of mere respiration. + +But thought slowly kindled in a weak, fitful fashion. I first became +slightly curious about myself. Why had I slept so profoundly? Why was +I so nerveless and stupid after such a sleep? + +Instead of answering these questions, I weakly wandered off into +another train of thought. "My mind seems a perfect blank," I said to +myself. "I don't remember anything; I don't know where I am, and don't +much care; nor do I know what my experience will be when I fully rouse +myself. This is like beginning a new existence. What shall be the +first entry on the blank page of my wakening mind? Perhaps I had +better rouse up and see whether I am truly alive." + +And yet I did not rise, but just lay still, heavy with a strange, +painless inertia, over which I puzzled in a vague, weak way. + +At last I was sure I heard a child crying. Then there was a voice, +that I thought I had heard before, trying to hush and reassure the +child, and I began to think who they were, and yet I did not seem to +care enough to open my eyes to see. + +I next heard something like a low sob near me, and it caused a faint +thrill among my sluggish nerves. Surely I had heard that sound before, +and curiosity so far asserted itself that I opened my eyes and looked +wonderingly around. + +The room was unfamiliar, and yet I was certain I had seen it on some +previous occasion. Seated at a window, however, was a lady who soon +absorbed my whole weak and wavering attention. My first thought was: +"How very pretty she is!" Then, "What is she looking at so steadfastly +from the window?" After a moment I mentally laughed at my stupidity. +"She's looking at the sunset. What else should she be looking at? Can +I have slept all day?" + +I saw her bosom heave with another convulsive sob, and that tears fast +followed each other down her cheeks. I seemed to have the power of +noting everything distinctly, but I couldn't understand or account for +what I saw. Who was that sweet-faced girl? Beyond a doubt I had seen +her before, but where? Why was she crying? Why was she in my room? + +Then I thought, "It must be all imaginary; I doubt whether I am awake +yet. If she were only smiling instead of crying, I would like to dream +on forever. How strangely familiar her face is! I must have seen it +daily for years, and yet I can't recognize it." + +The loud whinny of a horse seemed to give my paralyzed memory an +impetus and suggestion, by means of which I began to reconstruct the +past. + +"That's Old Plod!" I exclaimed mentally. "And--and--why, that's Miss +Warren sitting by the window. I remember now. We were in the barn +together, and I was jealous of the old horse--how absurd! Then we were +in the garden, and she was laughing at me. How like a dream it all is! +It seemed as if she were always laughing, and that the birds might +well stop singing to listen. Now she is crying here in my room. I half +believe it's an apparition, and that if I speak it will vanish. +Perhaps it is a warning that she's in trouble somewhere, and that I +ought to go to her help. How lovely she looks, with her hands lying in +her lap, forgetful of the work they hold, and her tearful eyes fixed +on the glowing west! Her face is very pale in contrast. Surely she's +only a shadow, and the real maiden is in need of my aid;" and I made +an effort to rise. + +It seemed exceedingly strange that I could scarcely lift my hand; but +my slight movement caused her to look around, and in answer to my gaze +of eager inquiry she came softly and hesitatingly toward me. + +"Miss Warren," I said, "can it be you in very truth?" + +"Yes," she replied, with a sudden and glad lighting up of her face, +"but please don't talk." + +"How you relieve me," I tried to say joyfully, but I found I could +only whisper. "What the mischief--makes my voice--so weak? Do you +know--that I had the odd--impression--that you were an apparition--and +had come to me--as a token--that--you were in trouble--and I tried to +rise--to go to your aid--then it seemed yourself--that looked around. +But you _are_ in trouble--why can't I get up and help you?" + +She trembled, and by her gesture tried to stop my words. + +"Will you do what I ask?" she said, in a low, eager tone. + +I smiled as I replied, "Little need of your asking that question." + +"Then please try to get well speedily; don't talk, but just keep every +little grain of strength. Oh, I'm so glad you are in your right mind. +You have been very ill, but will soon get well now if only careful. +I'll call Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Please don't go," I whispered. "Now that I know you--it seems so +natural--that you should be here. So I've been ill--and you have taken +care of me;" and I gave a deep sigh of satisfaction. "I did not know +you at first--idiot!--but Old Plod whinnied--and then it all began to +come back." + +At the word "Old Plod" she turned hastily toward the door. Then, as if +mastered by an impulse, she returned, and said, in a tone that +thrilled even my feeble pulse: + +"Oh, live! in mercy live, or else I can never forgive myself." + +"I'll live--never fear," I replied, with a low laugh. "I'm not such a +fool as to leave a world containing you." + +A rich glow overspread her face, she smiled, then suddenly her face +became very pale, and she even seemed frightened as she hastily left +the room. + +A moment later Mrs. Yocomb came in, full of motherly solicitude. + +"Kind Mrs. Yocomb," I murmured, "I am glad I'm in such good hands." + +"Thank God, Richard Morton," she said, in low, fervent tones, "thee's +going to get well. But don't speak a word." + +"Wasn't that Zillah crying?" + +"Yes, she was heart-broken about thee being so sick, but she'll laugh +now when I tell her thee's better. Take this, and sleep again." + +"Bless her kind heart!" I said. + +Mrs. Yocomb laid her finger on my lips. I saw her pour out something, +which I swallowed unquestioningly, and after a moment sank into a +quiet sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +IN THE DARK + + +"Yes, Mrs. Yocomb, good nursing and nourishment are all that he now +requires," were the reassuring words that greeted my waking later in +the evening. I opened my eyes, and found that a physician was feeling +my pulse. + +I turned feebly toward my kind hostess, and smilingly whispered: + +"There's no fear of my wanting these where you are, Mrs. Yocomb; but +don't let me make trouble. I fear I've made too much already." + +"The only way thee can make trouble, Richard, is to worry about making +trouble. The more we can do for thee the better we shall be pleased. +All thee's got to do is to get well and take thy time about it." + +"That's just like you. How long have I been ill?" + +"That's none of thy business at present. One thing at a time. The +doctor has put thee in my hands, and I'm going to make thee mind." + +"I've heard that men were perfect bears when getting well," I said. + +"Thee can be a bear if thee feels like it, but not another word to- +night--not another syllable; am I not right, doctor?" + +"Yes, I prescribe absolute quiet of mind and body; that and good +living will bring you around in time. You've had a narrow graze of it, +but if you will mind Mrs. Yocomb you will yet die of old age. Good- +night." + +My nurse gave me what she thought I needed, and darkened the room. But +it was not so dark but that I saw a beautiful face in the doorway. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed. + +"It was Adah," said Mrs. Yocomb quietly; "she's been very anxious +about thee." + +"You are all so kind. Please thank her for me," I replied eagerly. +"Mother, may I speak to Richard Morton?" asked a timid voice from the +obscurity of the hallway. + +"Not to-night, Adah--to-morrow." "Forgive me if I disobey you this +once," I interrupted hastily. "Yes, Miss Adah, I want to thank you." + +She came instantly to my side, and I held out my hand to her. I +wondered why hers throbbed and trembled so strangely. + +"It's I who should thank thee: I can never thank thee enough. Oh, I +feared I might--I might never have a chance." + +"There, Adah, thee mustn't say another word; Richard's too weak yet." + +Her hand closed tightly over mine. "Good-by," she breathed softly, and +vanished. + +Mrs. Yocomb sat down with her knitting by a distant and shaded lamp. + +Too weak to think, or to realize aught except that I was surrounded by +an atmosphere of kindness and sympathy, I was well content to lie +still and watch, through the open window, the dark foliage wave to and +fro, and the leaves grow distinct in the light of the rising moon, +which, though hidden, I knew must be above the eastern mountains. I +had the vague impression that very much had happened, but I would not +think; not for the world would I break the spell of deep quietude that +enthralled every sense of my body and every faculty of my mind. + +Mrs. Yocomb," I said at last, "it must be you who creates this +atmosphere of perfect peace and restfulness. The past is forgotten, +the future a blank, and I see only your serene face. A subdued light +seems to come from it, as from the shaded lamp." + +"Thee is weak and fanciful, Richard. The doctor said thee must be +quiet." + +"I wish it were possible to obey the doctor forever, and that this +exquisite rest and oblivion could last, I am like a ship becalmed on a +summer sea in a summer night. Mind and body are both motionless." + +"Sleep, Richard Morton, and when rested and well, may gales from +heaven spring up and carry thee homeward. Fear not even rough winds, +if they bear thee toward the only true home. Now thy only duty is to +rest." + +"You are not going to sit up to-night, Mrs. Yocomb." + +She put her finger on her lips. + +"Hush!" she said. + +"Oh, delicious tyranny!" I murmured. "The ideal government is that of +an absolute and friendly power." + +I had a vague consciousness of being wakened from time to time, and of +taking something from Mrs. Yocomb's hand, and then sinking back into +an enthrallment of blessed and refreshing slumber. With every +respiration life and health flowed back. + +At last, as after my first long sleep in the country, I seemed to hear +exquisite strains of music that swelled into richer harmony until what +seemed a burst of song awoke me. Opening my eyes, I looked intently +through the open, window and gladly welcomed the early day. The air +was fresh, and I felt its exhilarating quality. The drooping branches +of the elm swayed to and fro, and the mountains beyond were bathed in +light. I speedily realized that it was the song of innumerable birds +that had supplied the music of my waking dream. + +For a few moments I gazed through the window, with the same perfect +content with which I had watched the foliage grow distinct in the +moonlight the previous evening, and then I looked around the room. + +I started slightly as I encountered the deep blue eyes of Adah Yocomb +fixed on me with an intent, eager wistfulness. "Can I do anything for +thee, Richard Morton?" she asked, rising from her chair near the door. +"Mother asked me to stay with thee awhile, and to let her know if thee +woke and wanted anything." + +"With you here this bright morning, how could I want anything more?" I +asked, with a smile, for her young, beautiful face comported so well +with the early morning of the summer day as to greatly please both my +eye and fancy. The color of the early morning grew richer in her face +as she replied: + +"I'm glad thee doesn't want me to go away, but I must go and have thy +breakfast brought up." + +"No, stay; tell me all that's happened. I seem to have forgotten +everything so strangely! I feel as if I had known you all a long time, +and yet that can't be, for only the other day I was at my office in +New York." + +"Mother says thee's too weak to talk yet, and that I must not answer +questions. She says thee knows thee's been sick and thee knows thee's +getting well, and that must do till thee's much stronger." + +"Oh, I feel ever so much stronger. Sleep and the good things your +mother has given me have made a new man of me." + +"Mother says thee has never been sick, and that thee doesn't know how +to take care of thyself, and that thee'll use thy strength right up if +we don't take good care of thee." + +"And are you going to take care of me?" + +"Yes, if thee pleases. I'll help mother." + +"I should be hard to please were I not glad. I shall have so nice a +time getting well that I shall be tempted to play sick." + +"I'll--I'll wait on thee as long as thee'll let me, for no one owes +thee more than I do." + +"What in the world do you owe me?" I asked, much perplexed. "If you +are going to help me to get well, and will come to my room daily with +a face like this summer morning, I shall owe you more than I can ever +repay." + +"My face would have been black enough but for thee; but I'm glad thee +thinks I look well. They are all saying I look pale and am growing +thin, but if thee doesn't think so I don't care," and she seemed aglow +with pleasure. + +"It would make a sick man well to look at you," I said, smiling. +"Please come and sit by me and help me to get my confused brain +straight once more. I have the strangest sense of not knowing what I +ought to know well. You and your kind father and mother brought me +home from meeting. Your mother said I might stay here and rest. Miss +Warren was here--she was singing in the parlor. Where is Miss Warren?" + +"She has gone out for a walk," said the girl a little coldly. + +Her manner perplexed me, and, together with my thought of Miss Warren, +there came a vague sense of trouble--of something wrong. I tried to +raise my hand to my brow, as if to clear away the mist that obscured +my mind, and my hand was like lead, it was so heavy. + +"A plague on my memory!" I exclaimed. "We were in the parlor, and Miss +Warren was singing. Your mother spoke--would that I might hear her +again!--it's all tolerably clear up to that time, and then everything +is confused." + +"Adah, how's this?" said Mrs. Yocomb reproachfully. "Thee was not to +let Richard Morton talk." + +"I only am to blame, Mrs. Yocomb: I would talk. I'm trying to get the +past straightened out; I know that something happened the other +evening when you spoke so beautifully to us, but my memory comes up to +that point as to an abyss, and I can't bridge it over." + +"Richard Morton, doesn't thee believe that I'm thy friend?" + +"My mind would indeed be a total blank if I doubted that." + +"Well, then, do what I ask thee: don't question, don't think. Isn't it +sufficient to know that thee has been ill, and that thy life depends +on quiet? Thee can scarcely lift thy hand to thy head; thy words are +slow and feeble. Can't thee realize that it is thy sacred duty to rest +and grow strong before taking up the cares and burdens that life +brings to us all? Thee looks weak and exhausted." + +"I am indeed weak enough, but I felt almost well when I awoke." + +"Adah, I fear I can't trust thee as a nurse," her mother began +gravely. + +"Please don't blame her; it was wholly my fault," I whispered. "I'll +be very good now, and do just what you bid me." + +"Well, then, thee must take what I have prepared, and thy medicine, +and sleep again." + +"Good-by, Adah," I said, smiling. "Don't look so concerned; you +haven't done me a bit of harm. Your face was as bright and welcome as +the sunshine." + +"If it hadn't been for thee--" she began. + +Mrs. Yocomb raised a warning finger, and the girl stole away. + +"Can--can I not see Miss Warren this morning?" I asked hesitatingly. + +"Thee must sleep first." + +The medicine she gave evidently contained a sedative, or else sleep +was the remedy that Nature instinctively grasped, for it gave back +part of the strength that I had lost. + +When I awoke again I felt wonderfully the better for a long rest that +had not been broken, but made more beneficial from the fact that I was +slightly roused from time to time to take stimulants and nourishment. +The heat and glare of the summer day had passed. This I could perceive +even through the half-closed window-blinds. At first I thought myself +alone, but soon saw that Reuben was seated in the furthest corner, +quietly carving on some woodwork that interested his boyish fancy. His +round, fresh face was like a tonic. + +"Well, old fellow," I laughed, "so you are playing nurse?" + +"Is thee awake for good, Richard Morton?" he asked, springing up. + +"I hope so." + +"'Cause mother said that as soon as thee really waked up I must call +her." + +"Oh, wait a moment, and tell me all the news." + +"Mother said I mustn't tell thee anything but to get well." + +"I'm never going to get well." + +"What!" exclaimed the boy, in consternation. + +"Your mother and Miss Adah take such good care of me that I am going +to play sick the rest of my life," I explained, laughing. "How is +Dapple?" + +"Oh, thee's only joking, then. Well, all I ask of thee is to get well +just enough to drive Dapple around with me. He'll put life into thee-- +never fear. When I get hold of the reins he fairly makes my hands +tingle. But there, mother said I shouldn't let thee talk, but tell her +right away," and he started for the door. + +"How is Miss Warren? Is she never coming to see me?" + +"Emily Warren's been dreadfully anxious about thee. I never saw any +one change so. But to-day she has been like a lark. She went with me +to the village this morning, and she had almost as much spirit and +life as Dapple. She's a jolly good girl. I like her. We're all so glad +thee's getting well we don't know what to do. Father said he felt like +jumping over a five-bar fence. Only Adah acts kind of queer and glum." + +"I think I hear talking," said Mrs. Yocomb, entering. + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I laughed, "you are the most amiable and +beneficent dragon that ever watched over a captive." + +"Thee wants watching. The moment my back's turned thee's into +mischief, and the young people are just as bad. Reuben, I might better +have left Zillah here." + +"Do let her come," I exclaimed; "she'll do more good than medicine." + +"Well, she shall bring thee up thy chicken broth; that will please her +wonderfully. Go away, Reuben, and tell Zillah to bring the broth--not +another word. Does thee feel better, Richard?" + +"Oh, I am almost well. I'm ashamed to own how hungry I am." + +"That's a good sign--a very good sign." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, how did I become so ill? I'm haunted by the oddest sense +of not remembering something that happened after you spoke to us the +other evening." + +"There's nothing strange in people's being sick--thee knows that. Then +thee had been overworking so long that thee had to pay the penalty." + +"Yes, I remember that. Thank Heaven I drifted into this quiet harbor +before the storm came. I should have died in New York." + +"Well, thee knows where to come now when thee's going to have another +bad turn. I hope, however, that thee'll be too good a man to overwork +so again. Now thee's talked enough." + +"Can I not see Mr. Yocomb, and--and--Miss Warren this evening?" + +"No, not till to-morrow. Father's been waiting till I said he could +come; but he's so hearty-like that I won't trust him till thee's +stronger." + +"Is--is Miss Warren so hearty-like also? It seems to me her laugh +would put life into a mummy." + +"Well, thee isn't a mummy, so she can't come till to-morrow." + +She had been smoothing my pillow and bathing my face with cologne, +thus creating a general sense of comfort and refreshment. Now she +lifted my head on her strong, plump arm, and brushed my hair. Tears +came into my eyes as I said brokenly: + +"I can remember my mother doing this for me when I was ill once and a +little fellow. I've taken care of myself ever since. You can have no +idea how grateful your manner is to one who has no one to care for him +specially." + +"Thee'll always have some one to care for thee now; but thee mustn't +say anything more;" and I saw strong sympathy in her moist eyes. + +"Yes," I breathed softly, "I should have died in New York." + +"And thee said an imp from the printing-house could take care of +thee," she replied, with a low laugh. + +"Did I say that? I must have been out of my head." + +"Thee'll see that all was ordered for the best, and be content when +thee gets strong. People are often better every way after a good fit +of sickness. I believe the Good Physician will give His healing touch +to thy soul as well as thy body. Ah, here is Zillah. Come in, little +girl. Richard wishes to see thee." + +Bearing a bowl in both hands, she entered hesitatingly. + +"Why, Zillah, you waiting on me, too! It's all like a fairy tale, and +I'm transformed into a great prince, and am waited on right royally. +I'm going to drink that broth to your health, as if you were a great +lady. It will do me more good than all the drugs of all the doctors, +just because you are such a good little fairy, and have bewitched it." + +The child dimpled all over with pleasure as she came and stood by my +side. + +"Oh, I'm so glad thee's getting well!" she cried. "Thee talks queer, +but not so queer as thee did before. Thee--" + +A warning gesture from her mother checked her, and she looked a little +frightened. + +"That will do, Zillah. After Richard has taken this I'm not going to +let him talk for a long time." + +"Do you want to make me all well, Zillah?" I asked, smiling into her +troubled and sympathetic face. + +She nodded eagerly and most emphatically. + +"Then climb on a chair and give me a kiss." + +After a quick, questioning look at her mother, she complied, laughing. + +"Ah, that puts life into me," I said. "You can tell them all that you +did me more good than the doctor. I'll go with you to see the robins +soon." + +"I've got something else for thee downstairs," she whispered, +"something that Emily Warren gathered for thee," and she was gone in a +flash. + +A moment later she stood in the doorway, announced in advance by the +perfume of an exquisite cluster of rosebuds arranged in a dainty vase +entwined and half hidden with myrtle. + +"Put the vase on the table by Richard, and then thee mustn't come any +more." + +"Thee surely are from the Garden of Eden," I exclaimed. "These and +your kiss, Zillah, will make me well. Tell Miss Warren that I am going +to thank her myself. Good-by now," and she flitted out of the room, +bright with the unalloyed happiness of a child. + +"Dear me," said Mrs. Yocomb, "thee must indeed get strong fast, for I +do have such a time keeping the young people out of thy room. Reuben +asks a dozen times a day if he can see thee, and father's nearly as +bad. No more shall see thee to-day, I promise thee. Now thee must rest +till to-morrow." + +I was well content, for the roses brought a presence very near. In +their fragrance, their beauty, their dewy freshness, their superiority +to other flowers, they seemed the emblem of the maiden who had made +harmony in the garden when Nature was at her best. The scene, as we +had stood there together, grew so vivid that I saw her again almost in +reality, her face glowing with the undisguised, irrepressible pleasure +that had been caused by my unexpected tribute to the absolute +truthfulness of her character. Again I heard her piquant laugh; then +her sweet, vibratory voice as she sang hymns that awakened other than +religious emotions, I fear. By an odd freak of fancy the flowers +seemed an embodied strain from Chopin's nocturne that she had played, +and the different shades of color the rising and falling of the +melody. + +"What do they mean?" I murmured to myself. "At any rate I see no York +and Lancaster buds among them." + +"Is thee so very fond of roses that thee gazes so long and intently at +them?" Mrs. Yocomb quietly asked. + +I started, and I had still sufficient blood to crimson my pallid face. + +Turning away I said, "They recalled a scene in the garden where they +grew. It seemed to me that Miss Warren had grown there too, she was so +like them; and that this impression should have been made by a girl +bred in the city struck me as rather strange." + +"Thy impression was correct--she's genuine," Mrs. Yocomb replied +gravely, and her eyes rested on me in a questioning and sympathetic +way that I understood better as I thought it over afterward. + +"Yes," I said, "she made just that impression on me from the first. We +met as strangers, and in a few hours, without the slightest effort on +her part, she won my absolute trust. This at first greatly surprised +me, for I regret to say that my calling has made me distrustful. I +soon learned, however, that this was just the impression that she +should make on any one capable of understanding her." + +A deep sigh was my companion's only answer. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I continued, earnestly, "was I taken ill while you were +speaking? I have a vague, tormenting impression that something +occurred which I cannot recall. The last that I can remember was your +speaking to us; and then--and then--wasn't there a storm?" + +"There may have been. We've had several showers of late. Thee had been +overdoing, Richard, and thee felt the effects of the fever in thy +system before thee or any of us knew what was the matter. Thy mind +soon wandered; but thee was never violent; thee made us no trouble-- +only our anxiety. Now I hope I've satisfied thee." + +"How wondrously kind you've all been to such a stranger! But Miss Adah +made reference to something that I can't understand." + +Mrs. Yocomb looked perplexed and annoyed. "I'll ask Adah," she said, +gravely. "It's time thee took this medicine and slept." + +The draught she gave me was more quieting than her words had been, for +I remembered nothing more distinctly until I awoke in the brightness +of another day. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +A FLASH OF MEMORY + + +I found my spirits attuned to the clear sunshine of the new day, and +congratulated myself that convalescence promised to be so speedy. +Again I had the sense that it was my body only that was weak and +exhausted by disease, for my mind seemed singularly elastic, and I +felt as if the weight of years and toil had dropped away, and I was +entering on a new and higher plane of existence. An unwonted +hopefulness, too, gave buoyancy to my waking thoughts. + +My first conscious act was to look for my flowers. They had been +removed to a distant table, and in their place was a larger bouquet, +that, for some reason, suggested Adah. "It's very pretty," I thought, +"but it lacks the dainty, refined quality of the other. There's too +much of it. One is a bouquet; the other suggests the bushes on which +the buds grew, and their garden home." + +From the sounds I heard, I knew the family was at breakfast, and +before very long a musical laugh that thrilled every nerve with +delight rang up the stairway, and I laughed in sympathy without +knowing why. + +"Happy will the home be in which that laugh makes music," I murmured. +"Heaven grant it may be mine. Can it be presumption to hope this, when +she showed so much solicitude at my illness? She was crying when my +recovery was doubtful, and she entreated me to live. Reuben's words +suggested that she was depressed while I was in danger, and buoyant +after the crisis had passed. That she feels as I do I cannot yet hope. +But what the mischief do she and Adah mean by saying that they owe me +so much? It's I who owe them everything for their care during my +illness. How long _have_ I been ill? There seems to be something that +I can't recall; and now I think of it, Mrs. Yocomb's account last +night was very indefinite." + +My further musings were interrupted by the entrance of Mrs. Yocomb +with a steaming bowl that smelt very savory. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I cried, "you're always welcome; and that bowl is, too, +for I'm hungry as a cub." + +"Glad to hear it," said Mr. Yocomb's hearty voice from the doorway. +"I'll kill for you a young gobbler that Emily Warren thinks is like +the apple of my eye, if you will promise to eat him." + +"No, indeed," I answered, reaching out my hand. "He is already devoted +to Miss Warren's Thanksgiving dinner. May he continue to gobble until +that auspicious day." + +"What! do you remember that?" and Mr. Yocomb cast a quick look of +surprise at his wife. + +"Yes, I remember everything up to a certain point, and then all comes +to a full stop. I wish you would bridge over the gap for me." + +"Richard," interposed Mrs. Yocomb, quickly, "it wouldn't do thee any +good to have father tell thee what thee said when out of thy mind from +fever. I can tell thee, however, that thee said nothing of which thee +need be ashamed." + +"Well, I can't account for it. I must have been taken very suddenly. +One thing is clear: you are the kindest people I ever heard of. You +ought to be put in a museum." + +"Why, Friend Morton, is it queer that we didn't turn thee out of doors +or give thee in charge of the poormaster?" + +"I certainly am the most fortunate man in the world," I said, +laughing. "I had broken myself down and was about to become very ill, +and I started off in the dark and never stopped till I reached the +shelter of Mrs. Yocomb's wing. If I should tell my experience in New +York there'd be an exodus to the country among newspaper men." + +"Thee mustn't do it," protested Mr. Yocomb, assuming a look of dismay. +"Thee knows I'm down on editors: I make thee an exception." + +"I should think you had; but they would not expect to be treated one +hundredth part so well as you have treated me." + +"Well, bring thy friends, editors or otherwise. Thy friends will be +welcome." + +"I fear I'll be selfish; I feel as if I had made too rich a discovery +to show it to others." + +"Now, father, thee's had thy turn, and must go right out and let +Richard take his breakfast and his medicine. I'm bent on making Dr. +Bates say I'm the best nurse in town, and between such a lively +patient and such a lively family I have a hard time of it." + +"Well, thee knows I always mind, mother," said the old gentleman, +putting on a rueful look. "I do it, thee knows, to set the children an +example. Good-by now; mother will make thee as hearty as I am if +thee'll mind her." + +"Oh, I'm well enough to see _everybody_ to-day," I said with emphasis, +and I imagine that Mrs. Yocomb gave as definite a meaning to my +indefinite term as I did. + +"No one can stay long yet, but if thee continues to improve so nicely, +we can move thee downstairs part of the day before very long." + +"At that prospect I'll mind as well as Mr. Yocomb himself," I cried +gladly. "Mr. Yocomb, they are spoiling me. I feel like a great petted +boy, and behave like one, I fear; but having never been ill, I don't +know how to behave." + +"Thee's doing very well for a beginner. Keep on--keep on," and his +genial visage vanished from the doorway. + +After I had my breakfast, Zillah flitted in and out with her mother +two or three times. + +"Mother says I can look at thee, but I mustn't talk;" and she +wouldn't. + +Then Adah, with her wide-brimmed hat hanging on her arm, brought me a +dainty little basket of wild strawberries. + +"I promised to gather them for thee," she said, placing them on my +table. + +"You did? I had forgotten that," I replied. "I fear my memory is +playing me sad tricks. You have just gathered them, I think?" + +"What makes thee think so?" + +"Because their color has got into your cheeks." + +"I hope thee'll like them--the strawberries, I mean." + +I laughed heartily as I answered, "I like both. I don't see how either +could be improved upon." + +"I think thee likes a city pallor best," she replied, shaking her +head. + +I imagine that a faint tinge of the strawberry came into my face, for +she gave me a quick glance and turned away. + +"Adah," said Mrs. Yocomb, entering, "thee can take thy sewing and sit +here by the door for a while. Call me if Richard wants anything. The +doctor will be here soon." + +"Would thee like to have me stay?" she asked timidly. + +"Indeed I would. Mrs. Yocomb, can I eat these strawberries? I've +devoured them with my eyes already." + +"Yes, if the doctor says so, and thee'll promise not to talk much." + +I made no promise, for I was bent on talking, as convalescents usually +are, I believe, and Adah forgot her sewing, and her blue eyes rested +on me with an intentness that at last grew a little embarrassing. She +said comparatively little, and her words had much of their old +directness and simplicity; but the former flippancy and coloring of +small vanity was absent. Her simple morning costume was scrupulously +neat, and quite as becoming as the Sunday muslin which I had so +admired, and she had fastened at her breastpin a rose that reminded me +of the one I had given her on that wretched Sunday afternoon when she +unconsciously and speedily dispelled the bright dream that I had woven +around her. + +"For some reason she has changed very much," I thought, "and I'm glad +it's for the better." + +Zillah came in, and leaned on her lap as she asked her a question or +two. "Surely the little girl would not have done that the first day I +met her," I mused, then added aloud: + +"You are greatly changed, Miss Adah. What has happened to you?" + +She blushed vividly at my abrupt question, and did not answer for a +moment. Then she began hesitatingly: + +"From what mother says, it's time I changed a little." + +"I think Zillah likes you now as she does Miss Warren." + +"No, she likes Emily Warren best--so does every one." + +"You are mistaken. Zillah could not have looked at Miss Warren +differently from the way in which she just looked at you. You have no +idea what a pretty picture you two then made." + +"I did not think about it." + +"I imagine you don't think about yourself as much as you did. Perhaps +that's the change I'm conscious of." + +"I don't think about myself at all any more," and she bent low over +her work. + +Dr. Bates now entered with Mrs. Yocomb, and Adah slipped quietly away. + +After strong professions of satisfaction at my rapid convalescence, +and giving a medicine that speedily produced drowsiness, he too +departed. + +I roused up slightly from time to time as the day declined, and +finding Reuben quietly busy at his carving, dozed again in a +delicious, dreamy restfulness. In one of these half-waking moments I +heard a low voice ask: + +"Reuben, may I come in?" + +Sleep departed instantly, and I felt that I must be stone dead before +I could be unmoved by those tones, now as familiar as if heard all my +life. + +"Yes, please come," I exclaimed; "and you have been long in coming." + +Reuben sprang up with alacrity as he said, "I'm glad thee's come, +Emily. Would thee mind staying with Richard for a little while? I want +to take Dapple out before night. If I don't, he gets fractious." + +"I will take your place for a time, and will call Mrs. Yocomb if Mr. +Morton needs anything." + +"I assure you I won't need anything as long as you'll stay," I began, +as soon as we were alone. "I want to thank you for the rosebuds. They +were taken away this morning; but I had them brought back and placed +here where I could touch them. They seemed to bring back that June +evening in the old garden so vividly that I've lived the scene over +and over again." + +She looked perplexed, and colored slightly, but said smilingly, "Mrs. +Yocomb will think I'm a poor nurse if I let you talk too much." + +"Then talk to me. I promise to listen as long as you will talk." + +"Well, mention an agreeable subject." + +"Yourself. What have you been doing in the ages that have elapsed +since I came to life. It seems as if I had been dead, and I can't +recall a thing that happened in that nether world. I only hope I +didn't make a fool of myself." + +"I'm sorry to say you were too ill to do anything very bad. Mr. +Morton, you can't realize how glad we all are that you are getting +well so fast." + +"I hope I can't realize how glad YOU are, and yet I would like to +think that you are very glad. Do you know what has done me the most +good to-day?" + +"How should I know?" she asked, looking away, with something like +trouble in her face. + +"I heard your laugh this morning while you were at breakfast, and it +filled all the old house with music. It seemed to become a part of the +sunshine that was shimmering on the elm-leaves that swayed to and fro +before my window, and then the robins took it up in the garden. By the +way, have you seen the robin's nest that Zillah showed us?" + +"Yes," she replied, "but it's empty, and the queer little things that +Zillah said were all 'mouth and swallow' are now pert young robins, +rollicking around the garden all day long. They remind me of Reuben +and Dapple. I love such fresh young life, unshadowed by care or +experience." + +"I believe you; and your sympathy with such life will always keep you +young at heart. I can't imagine you growing old; indeed, truth is +never old and feeble." + +"You are very fanciful, Mr. Morton," she said, with a trace of +perplexity again on her face. + +"I have heard that that was a characteristic of sick people," I +laughed. + +"Yes; we have to humor them like children," she added, smoothing her +brow as if this were an excuse for letting me express more admiration +than she relished. + +"Well," I admitted, "I've never been ill and made much of before, +since I was a little fellow, and my mother spoiled me, and I've no +idea how to behave. Even if I did, it would seem impossible to be +conventional in this house. Am I not the most singularly fortunate man +that ever existed? Like a fool I had broken myself down, and was +destined to be ill. I started off as aimlessly as an arrow shot into +the air, and here I am, enjoying your society and Mrs. Yocomb's care." + +"It is indeed strange," she replied musingly, as if half speaking to +herself; "so strange that I cannot understand it. Life is a queer +tangle at best. That is, it seems so to us sometimes." + +"I assure you I am glad to have it tangled for me in this style," I +said, laughing. "My only dread is getting out of the snarl. Indeed, +I'm sorely tempted to play sick indefinitely." + +"In that case we shall all leave you here to yourself." + +"I think _you_ have done that already." + +"What would your paper do without you?" she asked, with her brow +slightly knitted and the color deepening in her cheeks. + +"Recalling what you said, I'm tempted to think it is doing better +without me." + +"You imagine I said a great deal more than I did." + +"No, I remember everything that happened until I was taken ill. It's +strange I was taken so suddenly. I can see you playing Chopin's +nocturne as distinctly as I see you now. Do you know that I had the +fancy that the cluster of roses you sent me was that nocturne +embodied, and that the shades of color were the variations in the +melody?" + +"You are indeed very fanciful. I hope you will grow more rational as +you get well." + +"I remember you thought me slightly insane in the garden." + +"Yes; and you promised that you would see things just as they are +after leaving it." + +"I can't help seeing things just as they seem to me. Perhaps I do see +them just as they are." + +"Oh, no! To a matter-of-fact person like myself, you are clearly very +fanciful. If you don't improve in this respect, you'll have to take a +course in mathematics before returning to your work or you will +mislead your readers." + +"No, I'm going to take a course of weeding in the garden, and you were +to invite me into the arbor as soon as I had done enough to earn my +salt." + +"I fear you will pull up the vegetables." + +"You can at least show me which are the potatoes." + +In spite of a restraint that she tried to disguise, she broke out into +a low laugh at this reminiscence, and said: "After that revelation of +ignorance you will never trust me again." + +"I will trust you in regard to everything except kitchen vegetables," +I replied, more in earnest than in jest. "A most important exception," +she responded, her old troubled look coming back. "But you are talking +far too much. Your face is slightly flushed. I fear you are growing +feverish. I will call Mrs. Yocomb now." + +"Please do not. I never felt better in my life. You are doing me good +every moment, and it's so desperately stupid lying helplessly here." + +"Well, I suppose I must humor you a few moments longer," she laughed. +"People, when ill, are so arbitrary. By the way, your editorial +friends must think a great deal of you, or else you are valuable to +them, for your chief writes to Mr. Yocomb every day about you; so do +some others; and they've sent enough fruit and delicacies to be the +death of an ostrich." + +"I'm glad to hear that; it rather increases one's faith in human +nature. I didn't know whether they or any one would care much if I +died." + +"Mr. Morton!" she said reproachfully. + +"Oh, I remember my promise to you. If, like a cat, I had lost my ninth +life, I would live after your words. Indeed I imagine that you were +the only reason I did live. It was your will that saved me, for I +hadn't enough sense or spirit left to do more than flicker out." + +"Do you think so?" she asked eagerly, and a rich glow of pleasure +overspread her face. + +"I do indeed. You have had a subtle power over me from the first, +which I cannot resist, and don't wish to." + +"I must go now," she said hastily. + +"Please wait," I entreated. "I've a message for Mrs. Yocomb." + +She stood irresolutely near the door. + +"I wish you to tell her--why is it getting dark so suddenly?" + +"I fear we're going to have a shower," and she glanced apprehensively +toward the window. + +"When have I seen that look on your face before?" I asked quickly. + +"You had a message for Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"Yes. I wish you would make her realize a little of my unbounded +gratitude, which every day increases. In fact, I can't understand the +kindness of this family, it is so hearty, so genuine. Why, I was an +entire stranger the other day. Then Adah and--pardon me--you also used +expressions which puzzle me very much. I can't understand how I became +ill so suddenly. I was feeling superbly that Sunday evening, and then +everything became a blank. Mrs. Yocomb, from a fear of disquieting me, +won't say much about it. The impression that a storm or something +occurred that I can't recall, haunts me. You are one that couldn't +deceive if you tried." + +"You needn't think I've anything to tell when Mrs. Yocomb hasn't," she +answered, with a gay laugh. + +"Miss Warren," I said gravely, "that laugh isn't natural. I never +heard you laugh so before. Something _did_ happen." + +A flash of lightning gleamed across the window, and the girl gave an +involuntary and apprehensive start. + +Almost as instantaneously the events I had forgotten passed through my +mind. In strong and momentary excitement I rose on my elbow, and +looked for their confirmation in her troubled face. + +"Oh, forget--forget it all!" she exclaimed, in a low, distressed +voice, and she came and stood before me with clasped hands. + +"Would to God I had died!" I said, despairingly, and I sank back faint +and crushed. "I had no right to speak--to think of you as I did. Good- +by." + +"Mr. Morton--" + +"Please leave me now. I'm too weak to be a man, and I would not lose +your esteem." + +"But you will get well--you promised me that." + +"Well!" I said, in a low, bitter tone. "When can I ever be well? Good- +by." + +"Mr. Morton, would you blight my life?" she asked, almost indignantly. +"Am I to blame for this?" + +"Nor am I to blame. It was inevitable. Curses on a world in which one +can err so fatally." + +"Can you not be a brave, generous man? If this should go against you-- +if you will not get well--you promised me to live." + +"I will exist; but can one whose heart is stone, and hope dead, +_live?_ I'll do my best. No, yon are not to blame--not in the least. +Take the whole comfort of that truth. Nor was I either. That Sunday +_was_ the day of my fate, since for me to see you was to love you by +every instinct and law of my being. But I trust, as you said, you will +find me too honorable to seek that which belongs to another." + +"Mr. Morton," she said, in tones of deep distress, "you saved this +home; you saved Mrs. Yocomb's life; you--you saved mine. Will you +embitter it?" + +"Would to God I had died!" I groaned. "All would then have been well. +I had fulfilled my mission." + +She wrung her hands as she stood beside me. "I can't--oh, I can't +endure this!" she murmured, and there was anguish in her voice. + +I rallied sufficiently to take her hand as I said: "Emily Warren, I +understand your crystal truth too well not to know that there is no +hope for me. I'll bear my hard fate as well as I can; but you must not +expect too much. And remember this: I shall be like a planet +hereafter. The little happiness I have will be but a pale reflection +of yours. If you are unhappy, I shall be so inevitably. Not a shadow +of blame rests on you--the first fair woman was not truer than you. +I'll do my best--I'll get up again--soon, I trust, now. If you ever +need a friend--but you would not so wrong me as to go to another--I +won't be weak and lackadaisical. Don't make any change; let this +episode in your life be between ourselves only. Good-by." + +"Oh, you look so ill--so changed--what can I say--?" + +Helpless tears rushed into her eyes. "You saved my life," she breathed +softly; but as she turned hastily to depart she met our hostess. + +"Oh, Mrs. Yocomb," she sobbed, "he knows all." + +"Thee surely could not have told him--" + +"Indeed I did not--it came to him like a flash." + +"Mrs. Yocomb, by all that's sacred, Miss Warren is not to blame for +anything--only myself. Please keep my secret; it shall not trouble any +one;" and I turned my face to the wall. + +"Richard Morton." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb, give me time. I'm too sorely wounded to speak to +any one." + +"A man should try to do what is right under all circumstances," she +said, firmly, "and it is your first and sacred duty to get well. It is +time for your medicine." + +I turned and said desperately, "Give me stimulants--give me anything +that will make me strong, so that I may keep my word; for if ever a +man was mortally weak in body and soul, I am." + +"I'll do my best for thee," she said, gently, "for I feel for thee and +with thee, as if thee were my own son. But I wish thee to remember now +and always that the only true strength comes from Heaven." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +WEAKNESS + + +Soul and body are too nearly related for one to suffer without the +other's sympathy. Mrs. Yocomb mercifully shielded me that evening, +merely saying that I had seen enough company for one day. My sleep +that night resulted from opiates instead of nature's impulses, and so +was unrefreshing, and the doctor was surprised to find a change for +the worse the following morning. For two or three days the scale +wavered, and I scarcely held what I had gained. Mrs. Yocomb rarely +left me, and I believe that I owe my life not only to her excellent +nursing, but even more to her strong moral support--her gentle but +unspoken sympathy. I knew she understood me, and that her mercy was +infinite for my almost mortal weakness; for now that the inexplicable +buoyancy which that chief of earthly hopes imparts was gone, I sank +into an abyss of despondency from which I feared I could never escape. +Her wisdom and intuitive delicacy led her to select Reuben as her +chief assistant. I found his presence very restful; for, so far from +suspecting, he could not understand a wound often more real and +painful than any received on battlefields. I now could not have +endured Adah's intent and curious scrutiny, and yet I deeply +appreciated her kindness, for she kept my table laden with delicate +fruits and flowers. + +The dainty little vase was replenished daily also with clusters of +roses--roses only--and I soon recognized rare and perfect buds that at +this late season only a florist could supply. The pleasure they gave +was almost counterbalanced by the pain. Their exquisite color and +fragrance suggested a character whose perfection daily made my +disappointment more intolerable. At last Mrs. Yocomb said: + +"Richard Morton, is thee doing thy best to get well? Thee's incurring +a grave responsibility if thee is not. Emily Warren is quite alone in +the world and she came to me as to a mother when thee was taken ill, +and told me of thy unfortunate attachment. As thee said, she is not to +blame, and yet such is her kindly and sensitive nature that she +suffers quite as much as if she were wholly to blame. Her life almost +depends on thine. She is growing pale and ill. She eats next to +nothing, and I fear she sleeps but little. She is just waiting in +miserable suspense to see if thee will keep thy word and live. I +believe thee _can_ live, and grow strong and good and noble, if thee +will." + +"Oh, Mrs. Yocomb, how you must despise me! If you but knew how I +loathe myself." + +"No, I'm sorry for thee from the depths of my heart. If thee's doing +thy best, I've not a word to say; but thee should know the truth. As +Emily said, thee has the power either to embitter her life or to add +very much to its happiness." + +"Well," I said, "if I have not the strength to overcome this unmanly, +contemptible weakness, I ought to die, and the sooner the better. If +I'm worth life, I shall live." + +If ever a weak, nerveless body yielded to an imperious will, mine did. +From that hour, as far as possible, I gave my whole thought to +recovery, and was as solicitous as I before had been apathetic. No +captain could have been more so in regard to his ship, which he fears +may not outride a storm. + +I appealed to Dr. Bates to rack his brains in the preparation of the +most effective tonics, I took my food with scrupulous regularity; and +in the effort to oxygenize my thin pale blood, drew long respirations +of the pure summer air. Mrs. Yocomb daily smiled a warmer and more +hearty encouragement. + +Under the impetus of a resolute purpose the wheels of life began to +move steadily and at last rapidly toward the goal of health. I soon +was able to sit up part of the day. + +As I rallied, I could not help recognizing the richer coloring that +came into the life at the farmhouse, and the fact touched me deeply. + +"What is my suffering compared with the happiness of this home?" I +thought. "It would have been brutally selfish to have died." + +I now had my letters brought to me. My paper--my first love--was daily +read, and my old interest in its welfare kindled slowly. + +"Work," I said, "is the best of antidotes. It shall be my remedy. Men +are respected only as they stand on their feet and work, and I shall +win her respect to the utmost." + +Reuben and Adah read to me. The presence of the former, like that of +his father and mother, was very restful; but Adah began to puzzle me. +At first I ascribed her manner to an extravagant sense of gratitude, +and the romantic interest which a young girl might naturally take in +one who had passed with her through peril, and who seemingly had been +dangerously ill in consequence; but I was compelled at last to see +that her regard was not open, frank, and friendly, but shy, absorbing, +and jealous. It gave her unmingled satisfaction that I did not ask for +Miss Warren, and she rarely spoke of her. When she did she watched me +keenly, as if seeking to read my thoughts. Reuben, on the contrary, +spoke freely of her; but, from some restraint placed upon him by his +mother probably, did not ask her to relieve him in his care of me +again. + +After I began to sit up, Miss Warren would not infrequently come to my +door, when others were present, and smilingly express her gladness +that I was improving daily. Indeed there would often be quite gay +repartee between us, and I think that even Adah was so blinded by our +manner that her suspicions were allayed. It evidently puzzled her, and +Reuben also, that I had apparently lost my interest in one who had +such great attractions for me at first. But Adah was not one to seek +long and deeply for subtle and hidden causes of action. She had a +quick eye, however, for what was apparent, and scanned surfaces +narrowly. I fear I perplexed her as sorely as she did me. + +In spite of every effort to remain blind to the truth, I began to fear +that she was inclined to give me a regard which I had not sought, and +which would embarrass me beyond measure. + +That a man can exult over a passion in a woman which he cannot requite +is marvellous. That he can look curiously, critically, and +complacently on this most sacred mystery of a woman's soul, that he +can care no more for her delicate incense than would a grim idol, is +proof that his heart is akin to the stony idol in material, and his +nature like that of the gross, cruel divinity represented. The vanity +that can feed on such food has a more depraved appetite than the South +Sea Islander, who is content with human flesh merely. It would seem +that there are those who can smile to see a woman waste the richest +treasures of her spiritual life which were designed to last and +sustain through the long journey of life--ay, and even boast of her +immeasurable loss, of which they, wittingly or unwittingly, have been +the cause. + +The oddest part of it all is that women can love such men instead of +regarding them as spider-like monsters that, were the doctrine of +transmigration true, would become spiders again as soon as compelled +to drop their human disguise. + +But women usually idealize the men they love into something very +different from what they are. Heaven knows that I was not a saint; but +I am glad that it caused me pain, and pain only, as I saw Adah shyly +and almost unconsciously bending on me glances laden with a priceless +gift, which, nevertheless, I could not receive. + +Her nature was too simple and direct for disguises, and when she +attempted them they were often so apparent as to be comically +pathetic. And yet she did attempt them. There was nothing bold and +unmaidenly in her manner, and as I look back upon those days I thank +God that I was never so graceless and brutal as to show or feel +anything like contempt for her gentle, childlike preference. Very +possibly also my own unfortunate experience made me more considerate, +and it was my policy to treat her with the same frank, undisguised +affection that I manifested toward Zillah, with, of course, the +differences required by their different ages. + +Adah was no longer repulsive to me. The events of that memorable night +of storm and danger, and the experiences that followed, had apparently +awakened her better nature, which, although having a narrow compass, +was gentle and womanly. Her old flippancy was gone. My undisguised +preference for Miss Warren after I had actually made her acquaintance, +and my persistent blindness to everything verging toward sentiment, +had perhaps done something toward dispelling her belief that beauty +and dress were irresistible. Thus she may have been led honestly to +compare herself with Emily Warren, who was not only richly endowed but +highly cultivated; at any rate her small vanity had vanished also, and +she was in contrast as self-distrustful and hesitating in manner as +she formerly had been abrupt and self-asserting. Moreover she had +either lost her interest in her neighbor's petty affairs, or else had +been made to feel that a tendency to gossip was not a captivating +trait, and we heard no more about what this one said or that one wore +on her return from meeting. While her regard was undoubtedly sincere, +I felt and hoped that it was merely a sentiment attendant on her +wakening and fuller spiritual life, rather than an abiding and deep +attachment; and I believed that it would soon be replaced by other +interests after my departure. For my own sake as well as hers I had +decided to leave the farmhouse as speedily as possible, but I soon +began to entertain the theory that I could dispel her dreams better by +remaining a little longer, and by proving that she held the same place +in my thoughts as Zillah, and could possess no other. There would then +be no vain imaginings after I had gone. + +I rather wanted to stay until I had fully recovered my health, for I +was beginning to take pride in my self-mastery. If I could regain my +footing, and stand erect in such quiet, manly strength as to change +Miss Warren's sympathy into respect only, I felt that I would achieve +a victory that would be a source of satisfaction for the rest of life. +That I could do this I honestly doubted, for seemingly she had +enthralled my whole being, and her power over me was wellnigh +irresistible. + +I knew that she understood Adah even better than I did, and it seemed +her wish to afford the girl every opportunity, for she never came to +ask how I was when Adah was present; and the latter was honest enough +to tell me that it was Miss Warren who had suggested some of the +simple yet interesting stories with which my long hours of +convalescence were beguiled; but in her latent jealousy she could not +help adding: + +"Since Emily Warren selected them, thee cannot help liking them." + +"I certainly ought to like them doubly," I had quietly replied, +looking directly into her eyes, "since I am indebted for them to two +friends instead of one." + +"There's a great difference in friends," she said significantly. + +"Yes, indeed," I replied, smiling as frankly as if I had been talking +to Zillah; "and your mother is the best friend I have or ever expect +to have." + +Adah had sighed deeply, and had gone on with her reading in a girlish, +plaintive voice that was quite different from her ordinary tones. + +Unconsciously she had imbibed the idea--probably from what she often +heard at meeting--that anything read or spoken consecutively must be +in a tone different from that used in ordinary conversation, and she +always lifted up her voice into an odd, plaintive little monotone, +that was peculiar, but not at all disagreeable. It would not have been +natural in another, but was perfectly so to her, and harmonized with +her unique character. The long words even in the simple stories were +often formidable obstacles, and she would look up apprehensively, and +color for fear I might be laughing at her; but I took pains to gaze +quietly through the window in serene unconsciousness. She also +stumbled because her thoughts evidently were often far away from her +book, but at my cordial thanks when finishing the story her face would +glow with pleasure. And yet she missed something in my thanks, or else +saw, in the quiet manner with which I turned to my letters or paper, +that which was unsatisfactory, and she would sigh as she left the +room. Her gentle, patient efforts to please me, which oddly combined +maidenly shyness and childlike simplicity, often touched the depths of +my heart, and the thought came more than once, "If this is more than a +girlish fancy, and time proves that I am essential to her happiness-- +which is extremely doubtful--perhaps I can give her enough affection +to content a nature like hers." + +But one glimpse of Emily Warren would banish this thought, for it +seemed as if my very soul were already wedded to her. "The thought of +another is impossible," I would mutter. "She was my fate." + +Four or five of the days during which I had been sufficiently strong +to sit up had passed away, and I was able to give more of my time to +my mail and paper, and thus to seem preoccupied when Adah came to +read. I found Zillah also a useful though unconscious ally, and I +lured her into my room by innumerable stories. Reuben and Mr. Yocomb +were now very busy in their harvest, and I saw them chiefly in the +evening, but they were too tired to stay long. Time often hung wofully +heavy on my hands, and I longed to be out of doors again; but Mrs. +Yocomb was prudently inexorable. I am sure that she restrained Adah a +great deal, for she grew less and less demonstrative in manner, and I +was left more to myself. + +Thus a week passed. It was Saturday morning, and between the harvest +without and preparations for Sunday within, all the inmates of the +farmhouse were very busy. The forenoon had wellnigh passed. I had +exhausted every expedient to kill time, and was looking on the +landscape shimmering in the fierce sunlight with an apathy that was +dull and leaden in contrast, when a low knock caused me to look up; +but instead of Adah, as I expected, Miss Warren stood in the doorway. + +"They are all so busy to-day," she said hesitatingly, "that I thought +I might help you pass an hour or two. It seems too bad that you should +be left to yourself so long." + +To my disgust, I--who had resolved to be so strong and self-poised in +her presence--felt that every drop of blood in my body had rushed into +my face. It certainly must have been very apparent, for her color +became vivid also. + +"I fear I was having a stupid time," I began awkwardly. "I don't want +to make trouble. Perhaps Mrs. Yocomb needs your help." + +"No," she said, smiling, "you can't banish me on that ground. I've +been helping Mrs. Yocomb all the morning. She's teaching me how to +cook. I've succeeded in proving that the family would have a fit of +indigestion that might prove fatal were it wholly dependent on my +performances." + +"Tell me what you made?" I said eagerly. "Am I to have any of it for +my dinner?" + +"Indeed you are not. Dr. Bates would have me indicted." + +She looked at me with solicitude, for although I had laughed with her +I felt ill and faint. Despairingly, I thought, "I cannot see her and +live. I must indeed go away." + +"So you are coming downstairs to-morrow?" she began. "We shall give +yon a welcome that ought to make any man proud. Mrs. Yocomb is all +aglow with her preparations." + +"I wish they wouldn't do so," I said, in a pained tone. "I'd much +rather slip quietly into my old place as if nothing had happened." + +"I imagined you would feel so, Mr. Morton," she said gently; "but so +much has happened that you must let them express their abounding +gratitude in their own way. It will do them good, and they will be the +happier for it." + +"Indeed, Miss Warren, that very word gratitude oppresses me. There is +no occasion for their feeling so. Why, Hiram, their man, could not +have done less. I merely happened to be here. It's all the other way +now. If ever a man was overwhelmed with kindness, I have been. How can +I ever repay Mrs. Yocomb?" + +"I am equally helpless in that respect; but I'm glad to think that +between some of our friends the question of repaying may be forgotten. +I never expect to repay Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Has she done so much for you, also?" + +"Yes, more than I can tell you." + +"Well," I said, trying to laugh, "if I ever write another paragraph it +will be due to her good nursing." + +"That is my chief cause for gratitude," she said hurriedly, the color +deepening again in her cheeks. "If you hadn't--if--I know of your +brave effort to get well, too--she told me." + +"Yes, Miss Warren," I said quietly, "I am now doing my best." + +"And you are doing nobly--so nobly that I am tempted to give you a +strong proof of friendship; to tell you what I have not told any one +except Mrs. Yocomb. I feel as if I had rather you heard it from me +than casually from others. It will show how--how I trust you." + +My very heart seemed to stand still, and I think my pallor alarmed +her; but feeling that she had gone too far, she continued hurriedly, +taking a letter from her pocket: + +"I expect my friend to-night. He's been absent, and now writes that he +will--" + +I shrank involuntarily as if from a blow, and with her face full of +distress she stopped abruptly. + +Summoning the whole strength of my manhood, I rallied sufficiently to +say, in a voice that I knew was unnatural from the stress I was under: + +"I congratulate you. I trust you may be very happy." + +"I had hoped--" she began. "I would be if I saw that you were happy." + +"You are always hoping," I replied, trying to laugh, "that I may +become sane and rational. Haven't you given that up yet? I shall be +very happy to-morrow, and will drink to the health of you both." + +She looked at me very dubiously, and the trouble in her face did not +pass away. "Let me read to you," she said abruptly. "I brought with me +Hawthorne's 'Mosses from an Old Manse.' They are not too familiar, I +trust?" + +"I cannot hear them too often," I said, nerving myself as if for +torture. + +She began to read that exquisite little character study, "The Great +Stone Face." Her voice was sweet and flexible, and varied with the +thought as if the words had been set to music. At first I listened +with delight to hear my favorite author so perfectly interpreted; but +soon, too soon, every syllable added to my sense of unutterable loss. + +Possibly she intuitively felt my distress, possibly she saw it as I +tried to look as stoical as an Indian chief who is tortured on every +side with burning brands. At any rate she stopped, and said +hesitatingly: + +"You--you do not enjoy my reading." + +With a rather grim smile I replied: "Nothing but the truth will answer +with you. I must admit I do not." + +"Would--would you like to hear something else?" she asked, in evident +embarrassment. + +"Nothing is better than Hawthorne," I said. "I--I fear I'm not yet +strong enough." Then, after a second's hesitation, I spoke out +despairingly: "Miss Warren, I may as well recognize the truth at once, +I never shall be strong enough. I've overrated myself. Good-by." + +She trembled; tears came into her eyes, and she silently left the +room. So abrupt was her departure that it seemed like a flight. + +After she had gone I tottered to my feet, with an imprecation on my +weakness, and I took an amount of stimulant that Dr. Bates would never +have prescribed; but it had little effect. In stony, sullen protest at +my fate, I sat down again, and the hours passed like eternities. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +OLD PLOD IDEALIZED + + +Adah brought me up my dinner, and I at once noted that she was in a +flutter of unusual excitement. Her mother had undoubtedly prepared her +for the arrival of the expected guest, and made known also his +relations to one of whom she had been somewhat jealous, and it would +seem that the simple-hearted girl could not disguise her elation. + +I was in too bitter a mood to endure a word, and yet did not wish to +hurt her feelings; therefore she found me more absorbed in my paper +and preoccupied than ever before. + +"Thank you, Miss Adah," I said, cordially but briefly. "Editors are +wretched company; their paper is everything to them, and I've +something on my mind just now that's very absorbing." + +"Thee isn't strong enough to work yet," she said sympathetically. + +"Oh, yes," I replied, laughing bitterly; "I'm a small edition of +Samson. Besides, I'm as poor as Job's impoverished turkey, and must +get to work again as soon as possible." + +"There is no need of thee feeling that way; we--" and then she stopped +and blushed. + +"I know all about 'we,'" I laughed; "your hearts are as large as this +wide valley, but then I must keep my self-respect, you know. You have +no idea how happy you ought to be in such a home as yours." + +"I like the city better," she replied, blushing, and she hastily left +the room. + +My greed for work departed as abruptly. "Poor child!" I muttered. +"'Life is a tangle,' as Miss Warren said, and a wretched one, too, for +many of us." + +Mrs. Yocomb soon after came in, and looked with solicitude at my +almost untasted dinner. + +"Why, Richard," she said, "thy appetite flags strangely. Isn't thy +dinner to thy taste?" + +"The fault is wholly in me," I replied. + +"Thee doesn't look so well--nothing like so well. Has Adah said +anything to trouble thee?" she asked apprehensively. + +"No, indeed; Adah is just as good and kind as she can be. She's +becoming as good as she is beautiful. Every day increases my respect +for her;" and I spoke earnestly and honestly. + +A faint color stole into the matron's cheek, and she seemed pleased +and relieved, but she remarked quietly: + +"Adah's young and inexperienced." Then she added, with a touch of +motherly pride and solicitude, "She's good at heart, and I think is +trying to do right." + +"She will make a noble woman, Mrs. Yocomb--one that you may well be +proud of, or I'm no judge of character," I said, with quiet emphasis. +"She and Zillah have both been so kind to me that they already seem +like sisters. At any rate, after my treatment in this home I shall +always feel that I owe to them a brother's duty." + +The color deepened in the old lady's face, that was still so fair and +comely, and tears stood in her eyes. + +"I understand thee, Richard," she said quietly. "I thought I loved +thee for saving our lives and our home, but I love thee more now. +Still thee cannot understand a mother's heart. Thee's a true +gentleman." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb, you must learn to understand me better or I shall +have to run away in self-defence. When you talk in that style I feel +like an arrant hypocrite. I give you my word that I've been swearing +this very forenoon." + +"Who was thee swearing at?" she asked, in much surprise. + +"Myself, and with good reason." + +"There is never good reason for such wickedness," she said gravely, +but regarding me with deep solicitude. Presently she added, "Thee has +had some great provocation?" + +"No; I've been honored with unmerited kindness and trust, which I have +ill requited." "Emily Warren has been to see thee?" + +"Yes." + +"Did she tell thee?" + +"Yes; and I feel that I could throttle that man. Now you know what a +heathen savage I am." + +"Yes," she said dryly, "thee has considerable untamed human nature." +Then added, smiling, "I'll trust him with thee, nevertheless. I'm +inclined to think that for her sake thee'd do more for him than for +any man living. Now wouldn't thee?" + +"Oh, Satan take him! Yes!" I groaned. "Forgive me, Mrs. Yocomb. I'm so +unmanned, so desperate from trouble, that I'm not fit for decent +society, much less your company. You believe in a Providence: why was +this woman permitted to enslave my very soul when it was of no use?" + +"Richard Morton," she said reproachfully, "thee is indeed unmanned. +Thee's wholly unjust and unreasonable. This gentleman has been Emily +Warren's devoted friend for years. He has taken care of her little +property, and done everything for her that her independent spirit +would permit. He might have sought an alliance among the wealthiest, +but he has sued long and patiently for her hand--" + +"Well he might," I interrupted irritably. "Emily Warren is the peer of +any man in New York." + +"Thee knows New York and the world in general well enough to be aware +that wealthy bankers do not often seek wives from the class to which +Emily belongs, though in my estimation, as well as in thine, no other +class is more respectable. But I'm not blinded by prejudice, and I +think it speaks well for him that he is able to recognize and honor +worth wherever he finds it. Still, he knew her family. The Warrens +were quite wealthy, too, at one time." + +"What is his name?" I asked sullenly. + +"Gilbert Hearn." "What, Hearn the banker, who resides on Fifth +Avenue?" + +"The same." + +"I know him--that is, I know who he is--well." Then I added bitterly, +"It's just like him; he has always had the good things of this world, +and always will. He'll surely marry her." + +"Has thee anything against him?" + +"Yes, infinitely much against him: I feel as if he were seeking to +marry my wife." + +"That's what thee said when out of thy mind," she exclaimed +apprehensively. "I hope thee is not becoming feverish?" "Oh, no, Mrs. +Yocomb, I've nothing against him at all. He is pre-eminently +respectable, as the world goes. He is shrewd, wonderfully shrewd, and +always makes a ten-strike in Wall Street; but his securing Miss Warren +was a masterstroke. There, I'm talking slang, and disgracing myself +generally." But my bitter spirit broke out again in the words, "Never +fear; Gilbert Hearn will have the best in the city; nothing less will +serve him." + +"Thee is prejudiced and unjust. I hope thee'll be in a better mood to- +morrow," and she left my room looking hurt and grieved. + +I sank back in my chair in wretched, reckless apathy, and from the +depths of my heart wished I had died. + +After a little time Mrs. Yocomb came hastily in, looking half ashamed +of her weakness, and in her hands was a bowl of delicious broth. + +"My heart relents toward thee," she said, with moist eyes. "I ought to +have made more allowance for one whose mother left him much too early. +Take this, every drop, and remember thy pledge to get well and be a +generous man. I'll trust thee to keep thy word," and she departed +before I could speak. + +"Well, I should be a devil incarnate if I didn't become a man after +her kindness," I muttered, and I gulped down the broth and my evil +mood at the same time. + +At the end of an hour I could almost have shaken hands with Gilbert +Hearn, who prospered in all that he touched. + +As the sun declined I heard the rustle of a silk on the stairway. A +moment later Miss Warren mounted the horseblock and stood waiting for +Reuben, who soon appeared in the family rockaway. + +I thought the maiden looked a trifle pale in contrast with her light +silk, but perhaps it was the shadow of the tree she stood under; but I +muttered, "Even his critical taste can find no fault with that form +and face; she'll grace his princely home, and none will recognize the +truth more clearly than he." + +She hesitatingly lifted her eyes toward my window, and I started back, +forgetting that I was hidden by the half-closed blind; but my face +suffused with pleasure as I said to myself: + +"Heaven bless her! she does not forget me wholly, even on the +threshold of her happiness." + +At that moment Old Plod, passing through the yard in his early +Saturday release from toil, gave a loud whinny of recognition. The +young girl started visibly, sprang lightly down from the block and +caressed her great heavy-footed pet, and then, without another glance +at my window, entered the rockaway, and was driven rapidly toward the +distant depot at which she would welcome the most fortunate man in the +world. + +I now felt sure that I had guessed her associations with the old plow- +horse, and, sore-hearted as I was, I laughed long and silently over +the quaint fancy. + +"Truly," I muttered, "the courtly and elegant banker would not feel +flattered if he knew about it. How in the world did she ever come to +unite the two in her mind?" + +But as I thought it all over I was led to conclude that it was natural +enough. The lonely girl had no doubt found that even in the best +society of a Christian city she must ever be warily on her guard. She +was beautiful, and yet poor and apparently friendless; and, as she had +intimated, she had found many of the young and gay ready to flatter, +and with anything but sincere motives. The banker, considerably her +senior, had undoubtedly proved himself a quiet, steadfast friend. He +was not the fool to neglect her as did those stupid horses, for any +oats the world could offer, and she always found him, like Old Plod, +ready to drop everything for her, and well he might. "No matter how +devoted he has been, he can never plume himself on any magnanimity," I +said to myself. "She probably finds him a trifle formal and sedate, +and rather lacking in ideality, just as Old Plod is very stolid till +she appears; but then he is safe and strong, and very kind to a +friendless girl, who might well shrink from the vicissitudes of her +lot, and would naturally be attracted by the protection and position +which he could offer. In spite of the disparity of years, a woman +might easily love a man who could do so much for her, and the banker +is still well preserved and handsome. Of course Emily Warren does love +him: all the wealth of Wall Street could not buy her. Yes, in a world +full of lightning flashes she has made a thrifty and excellent choice. +I may as well own it, in spite of every motive to prejudice. Gilbert +Hearn is not my ideal man by any means. Good things are essential to +him. He would feel personally aggrieved if the weather was bad for two +days in succession. He is very charitable and public-spirited, and he +likes our paper to recognize the fact: I have proof of that too. Alms +given in the dark are not exactly wasted--but I'm thinking scandal. He +so likes to let his 'light so shine.' He's respectability personified, +and the toil-worn girl will be taken into an ark of safety. + +"I suppose I ought to be magnanimous enough to think that it's all for +the best, since he can do infinitely more for her than I ever could. +She will be the millionaire's wife, and I'll go back to my dingy +little office and write paragraphs heavy enough to sink a cork ship. +Thus will end my June idyll; but should I live a century I will always +feel that Gilbert Hearn married my wife." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +AN IMPULSE + + +For nearly an hour I sat listlessly in my chair and watched the +shadows lengthen across the valley. Suddenly an impulse seized me, and +I resolved to obey it. + +"If I can go downstairs to-morrow, I can go just as well to-night," I +said, "and go I will. She shall not have a shadow on her first evening +with her lover, and she's too good-hearted to enjoy it wholly if she +thinks I'm moping and sighing in my room. Moreover, I shall not let my +shadows make a background for the banker's general prosperity. Stately +and patronizing he cannot help being, and Miss Warren may lead him to +think that he is under some obligation to me--I wish he might never +hear of it--but, by Vulcan and his sledge! he shall have no cause to +pity me while he unctuously rubs his hands in self-felicitation." + +As far as my strength permitted, I made a careful toilet, and sat down +to wait. As the sun sank below the horizon, the banker appeared. "Very +appropriate," I muttered; "but his presence would make it dark at +midday." + +Miss Warren was talking with animation, and pointing out the +surrounding objects of interest, and he was listening with a +wonderfully complacent smile on his smooth, full face. + +"How prosperous he looks!" I muttered. "The idea of anything going +contrary to his will or wishes!" + +Then I saw that a little girl sat on the front seat with Reuben, and +that he was letting her drive, but with his hand hovering near the +reins. + +Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb came out and greeted Mr. Hearn cordially, and he +in return was very benign, for it was evident that, in their place and +station, he found them agreeable people, and quite to his mind. + +"Why doesn't he take off his hat to Mrs. Yocomb as if she were a +duchess?" I growled. "That trunk that fills half the rockaway doesn't +look as if he had come to spend Sunday only. Perhaps we are destined +to make a happy family. I wonder who the little girl is?". + +The banker was given what was known as the parlor bedroom, on the +ground floor, and I heard Adah taking the little girl to her room. + +Miss Warren did not glance at my window on her return. "She would have +been happy enough had I remained here and sighed like a furnace," I +muttered grimly. "Well, idiot! why shouldn't she be?" + +She had evidently lingered to say something to Mrs. Yocomb, but I soon +heard her light step pass up to her room. + +"Now's my chance," I thought. "Mrs. Yocomb is preparing for supper, +and all the rest are out of the way," and I slipped down the stairs +with noiseless and rather unsteady tread. Excitement, however, lent me +a transient strength, and I felt as if the presence of the banker +would give me sinews of steel. I entered the parlor unobserved, and +taking my old seat, from which I had watched the approach of the +memorable storm, I waited events. + +The first one to appear was the banker, rubbing his hands in a way +that suggested a habit of complacency and self-felicitation. He +started slightly on seeing me, and then said graciously: + +"Mr. Morton, I presume?" + +"You are correct, Mr. Hearn. I congratulate you on your safe arrival." + +"Thanks. I've travelled considerably, and have never met with an +accident. Glad to see you able to be down, for from what I heard I +feared you had not sufficiently recovered." + +"I'm much better to-day, sir," I replied, briefly. + +"Well, this air, these scenes ought to impart health and content. I'm +greatly pleased already, and congratulate myself on finding so +pleasant a place of summer sojourn. It will form a delightful contrast +to great hotels and jostling crowds." I now saw Miss Warren, through +the half-open door, talking to Mrs. Yocomb. They evidently thought the +banker was conversing with Mr. Yocomb. + +Instead of youthful ardor and bubbling happiness, the girl's face had +a grave, sedate aspect that comported well with her coming dignities. +Then she looked distressed. Was Mrs. Yocomb telling her of my profane +and awful mood? I lent an inattentive ear to Mr. Hearn's excellent +reasons for satisfaction with his present abode, and in the depths of +my soul I thought, "If she's worrying about me now, how good-hearted +she is!" + +"I already foresee," Mr. Hearn proceeded, in his full-orbed tones, +"that it will also be just the place for my little girl--safe and +quiet, with very nice people to associate with." + +"Yes," I said emphatically, "they are nice people--the best I ever +knew." + +Miss Warren started violently, took a step toward the door, then +paused, and Mrs. Yocomb entered first. + +"Why, Richard Morton!" she exclaimed, "what does thee mean by this +imprudence?" + +"I mean to eat a supper that will astonish you," I replied, laughing. + +"But I didn't give thee leave to come down." + +"You said I could come to-morrow, so I haven't disobeyed in spirit." + +Miss Warren still stood in the hall, but seeing that I had recognized +her, she came forward and gave me her hand as she said: + +"No one is more glad than I that you are able to come down." + +Her words were very quiet, but the pressure of her hand was so warm as +to surprise me, and I also noted that what must have been a vivid +color was fading from her usually pale face. I saw, too, that Mr. +Hearn was watching us keenly. + +"Oh, but you are shrewd!" I thought. "I wish you had cause to +suspect." + +I returned her greeting with great apparent frankness and cordiality +as I replied, "Oh, I'm much better to-night, and as jolly as Mark +Tapley." + +"Well," ejaculated Mrs. Yocomb, "thee _has_ stolen a march on us, but +I'm afraid thee'll be the worse for it." + +"Ah, Mrs. Yocomb," I laughed, "your captive has escaped. I'm going to +meeting with you to-morrow." + +"No, thee isn't. I feel as if I ought to take thee right back to thy +room." + +"Mr. Yocomb," I cried to the old gentleman, who now stood staring at +me in the doorway, "I appeal to you. Can't I stay down to supper?" + +"How's this! how's this!" he exclaimed. "We were going to give thee a +grand ovation to-morrow, and mother had planned a dinner that might +content an alderman." + +"Or a banker," I thought, as I glanced at Mr. Hearn's ample waistcoat; +but I leaned back in my chair and laughed heartily as I said: + +"You cannot get me back to my room, Mrs. Yocomb, now that I know I've +escaped an ovation. I'd rather have a toothache." + +"But does thee really feel strong enough?" + +"Oh, yes; I never felt better in my life." + +"I don't know what to make of thee," she said, with a puzzled look. + +"No," I replied; "you little knew what a case I was when you took me +in hand." + +"I'll stand up for thee, Friend Morton. Thee shall stay down to +supper, and have what thee pleases. Thee may as well give in, mother; +he's out from under thy thumb." + +"My dear sir, you talk as if you were out, too. I fear our mutiny may +go too far. To-morrow is Sunday, Mrs. Yocomb, and I'll be as good as I +know how all day, which, after all, is not promising much." + +"It must be very delightful to you to have secured such good friends," +began Mr. Hearn, who perhaps felt that he had stood too long in the +background. "I congratulate you. At the same time, Mr. and Mrs. +Yocomb," with a courtly bend toward them, "I do not wonder at your +feelings, for Emily has told me that Mr. Morton behaved very +handsomely during that occasion of peril." + +"Did I?" I remarked, with a wry face. "I was under the impression that +I looked very ridiculous," and I turned a quick, mischievous glance +toward Miss Warren, who seemed well content to remain in the +background. + +"Yes," she said, laughing, "your appearance did not comport with your +deeds." + +"I'm not so sure about that," I replied, dryly. "At any rate, I much +prefer the present to reminiscences." + +"I trust that you will permit me, as one of the most interested +parties, to thank you also," began Mr. Hearn, impressively. + +"No, indeed, sir," I exclaimed, a little brusquely. "Thanks do not +agree with my constitution at all." + +"Hurrah!" cried Reuben, looking in at the parlor window. + +"Yes, here's the man to thank," I resumed. "Even after being struck by +lightning he was equal to the emergency." + +"No, thee don't, Richard," laughed Reuben. "Thee needn't think thee's +going to palm that thing off on me. We've all come to our senses now." + +For some reason Miss Warren laughed heartily, and then said to me, +"You look so well and genial to-night that I do begin to think it was +some other tramp." + +"I fear I'm the same old tramp; for, as Reuben says, we have all come +to our senses." + +"Thee didn't lose thy senses, Richard, till after thee was sick. 'Twas +mighty lucky thee wasn't struck," explained the matter-of-fact Reuben. + +"You must permit me to echo the young lad's sentiment," said Mr. +Hearn, feelingly. "It was really a providence that you escaped, and +kept such a cool, clear head." + +I fear I made another very wry face as I looked out of the window. +Reuben evidently had not liked the term "young lad," but as he saw my +expression he burst out laughing as he said: + +"What's the matter, Richard? I guess thee thinks thee had the worst of +it after all." + +"So thee has," broke out Mr. Yocomb. "Thee didn't know what an awful +scrape I was getting thee into when I brought thee home from meeting. +Never was a stranger so taken in before. I don't believe thee'll ever +go to Friends' meeting again," and the old gentleman laughed heartily, +but tears stood in his eyes. + +In spite of myself my color was rising, and I saw that Mrs. Yocomb and +Miss Warren looked uncomfortably conscious of what must be in my mind; +but I joined in his laugh as I replied: + +"You are mistaken. Had I a prophet's eye, I would have come home with +you. The kindness received in this home has repaid me a thousand +times. With a sick bear on their hands, Mrs. Yocomb and Miss Adah were +in a worse scrape than I." + +"Well, thee hasn't growled as much as I expected," laughed Mrs. +Yocomb; "and now thee's a very amiable bear indeed, and shall have thy +supper at once," and she turned to depart, smiling to herself, but met +in the doorway Adah and the little stranger--a girl of about the same +age as Zillah, with large, vivid black eyes, and long dark hair. +Zillah was following her timidly, with a face full of intense interest +in her new companion; but the moment she saw me she ran and sprang +into my arms, and, forgetful of all others, cried gladly: + +"Oh, I'm so glad--I'm so glad thee's well!" + +The impulse must have been strong to make so shy a child forget the +presence of strangers. + +I whispered in her ear, "I told you that your kiss would make me +well." + +"Yes; but thee said Emily Warren's roses too," protested the little +girl. + +"Did I?" I replied, laughing. "Well, there's no escaping the truth in +this house." + +I dared not look at Miss Warren, but saw that Mr. Hearn's eyes were on +her. + +"Confound him!" I thought. "Can he be fool enough to be jealous?" + +Adah still stood hesitatingly in the doorway, as if she dared not +trust herself to enter. I put Zillah down, and crossing the room in a +free, frank manner, I took her hand cordially as I said: + +"Miss Adah, I must thank you next to Mrs. Yocomb that I am able to be +down this evening, and that I am getting well so fast. You have been +the best of nurses, and just as kind and considerate as a sister. I'm +going to have the honor of taking you out to supper." I placed her +hand on my arm, and its thrill and tremble touched my very soul. In my +thoughts I said, "It's all a wretched muddle, and, as the banker said, +mysterious enough to be a providence"; but at that moment the ways of +Providence seemed very bright to the young girl, and she saw Mr. Hearn +escorting Miss Warren with undisguised complacency. + +As the latter took her seat I ventured to look at her, and if ever a +woman's eyes were eloquent with warm, approving friendliness, hers +were. I seemingly had done the very thing she would have wished me to +do. As we bowed our heads in grace, I was graceless enough to growl, +under my breath, "My attentions to Adah are evidently very +satisfactory. Can she imagine for a moment--does she take me for a +weather-vane?" + +When grace was over, I glanced toward her again, a trifle indignantly; +but her face now was quiet and pale, and I was compelled to believe +that for the rest of the evening she avoided my eyes and all +references to the past. + +"Why, mother!" exclaimed Mr. Yocomb from the head of the table, "thy +cheeks are as red--why, thee looks like a young girl." + +"Thee knows I'm very much pleased to-night," she said. "Does thee +remember, Richard, when thee first sat down to supper with us?" + +"Indeed I do. Never shall I forget my trepidation lest Mr. Yocomb +should discover whom, in his unsuspecting hospitality, he was +harboring." + +"Well, I've discovered," laughed the old gentleman. "Good is always +coming out of Nazareth." + +"It seems to me that we've met before," remarked Mr. Hearn, graciously +and reflectively. + +"Yes, sir," I explained. "As a reporter I called on you once or twice +for information." + +"Ah, now it comes back to me. Yes, yes, I remember; and I also +remember that you did not extract the information as if it had been a +tooth. Your manner was not that of a professional interviewer. You +must meet with disagreeable experiences in your calling." + +"Yes, sir; but perhaps that is true of all callings." + +"Yes, no doubt, no doubt; but it has seemed to me that a reporter's +lot must frequently bring him in contact with much that is +disagreeable." + +"Mr. Morton is not a reporter," said Adah, a trifle indignantly; "he's +the editor of a first-class paper." + +"Indeed!" exclaimed Mr. Hearn, growing much more benign; "why, Emily, +you did not tell me that." + +"No, I only spoke of Mr. Morton as a gentleman." + +"I imagine that Miss Warren thinks that I have mistaken my calling, +and that I ought to be a gardener." + +"That's an odd impression. Mr. Yocomb would not even trust you to +weed," she retorted quickly. + +"I have a fellow feeling for weeds; they grow so easily and naturally. +But I must correct your impressions, Miss Adah. I'm not the dignitary +you imagine-only _an_ editor, and an obscure night one at that." + +"Your night work on one occasion bears the light very well. I hope it +may be the earnest of the future," said Mr. Hearn impressively. + +I felt that he had a covert meaning, for he had glanced more than once +at Miss Warren when I spoke, and I imagined him a little anxious as to +our mutual impressions. + +"I feel it my duty to set you right also, Mr. Hearn," I replied, with +quiet emphasis, for I wished to end all further reference to that +occasion. "Through Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb's kindness, I happened to be an +inmate of the farmhouse that night. I merely did what any man would +have done, and could have done just as well. My action involved no +personal peril, and no hardship worth naming. My illness resulted from +my own folly. I'd been overworking or overworked, as so many in my +calling are. Conscious that I am not in the least heroic, I do not +wish to be imagined a hero. Mrs. Yocomb knows what a bear I've been," +I concluded, with a humorous nod toward her. + +"Yes, I know, Richard," she said, quietly smiling. + +"After this statement in prose, Mr. Hearn, you will not be led to +expect more from me than from any ordinary mortal." + +"Indeed, sir, I like your modesty, your self-depreciation." + +"I beg your pardon," I interrupted a little decisively; "I hope you do +not think my words had any leaning toward affectation. I wished to +state the actual truth. My friends here have become too kind and +partial to give a correct impression." + +Mr. Hearn waved his hand very benignly, and his smile was graciousness +itself as he said: + +"I think I understand you, sir, and respect your sincerity. I've been +led to believe that you cherish a high and scrupulous sense of honor, +and that trait counts with me far more than all others." + +I understood him well. "Oh, you _are_ shrewd!" I thought; "but I'd +like to know what obligations I'm under to you?" I merely bowed a +trifle coldly to this tribute and suggestive statement, and turned the +conversation. As I swept my eyes around the table a little later, I +thought Miss Warren looked paler than usual. + +"Does she understand his precautionary measures?" I thought. "He'd +better beware--she would not endure distrust." + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +A WRETCHED FAILURE + + +The excitement that had sustained me was passing away, and I felt +myself growing miserably weak and depressed. The remainder of the meal +was a desperate battle, in which I think I succeeded fairly. I talked +that it might not be noticed that I was eating very little; joked with +Mr. Yocomb till the old gentleman was ruddy and tremulous with +laughter, and made Reuben happy by applauding one of Dapple's +exploits, the history of which was easily drawn from him. + +I spoke often to both Adah and Zillah, and tried to be as frank and +unconscious in one case as the other. I even made the acquaintance of +Mr. Hearn's little girl--indeed, her father formally presented her to +me as his daughter Adela. I knew nothing of his domestic history, and +gained no clew as to the length of the widowhood which he now proposed +to end as speedily as possible. + +I was amused by his not infrequent glances at Adah. He evidently had a +keen eye for beauty as for every other good thing of this world, and +he was not so desperately enamored but that he could stealthily and +critically compare the diverse charms of the two girls, and I imagined +I saw a slight accession to his complacency as his judgment gave its +verdict for the one toward whom he manifested proprietorship by a +manner that was courtly, deferential, but quite pronounced. A stranger +present could never have doubted their relationship. + +A brief discussion arose as to taste, in which Mr. Hearn assumed the +ground that nothing could take the place of much observation and +comparison, by means of which effects in color could be accurately +learned and valued. In reply I said: + +"Theories and facts do not always harmonize any more than colors. Miss +Adah's youth and rural life have not given her much opportunity for +observation and comparison, and yet few ladies on your Avenue have +truer eyes for harmony in color than she." + +"Mr. Morton being the judge," said the banker, with a profound and +smiling bow. "Permit me to add that Miss Adah has at this moment only +to glance in a mirror to obtain an idea of perfect harmony in color," +and his eyes lingered admiringly on her face. + +I was worsted in this encounter, and I saw the old gleam of +mirthfulness in Miss Warren's eyes. How well I remembered when I first +saw that evanescent illumination--the quick flash of a bright, genial +spirit. She delights in her lover's keen thrusts," was now my thought, +"and is pleased to think I'm no match for him. She should remember +that it's a poor time for a man to tilt when he can scarcely sit +erect." But Adah's pleasure was unalloyed. She had received two +decided compliments, and she found herself associated with me in the +new-comer's mind, and by my own actions. + +"I frankly admit," I said, "that I'm a partial judge, and perhaps a +very incompetent one." Then I was stupid enough to add: "But newspaper +men are prone to have opinions. Mr. Yocomb was so sarcastic as to say +that there was nothing under heaven that an editor did not know." + +"Oh, if you judge by her father's authority, you are on safe ground, +and I yield at once." + +He had now gone too far, and I flushed angrily as we rose from the +table. I saw, too, that Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb did not like it either, +and that Adah was blushing painfully. It was one of those attempted +witticisms that must be simply ignored. + +My anxiety now was to get back to my room as speedily as possible. +Again I had overrated myself. The excitement of the effort was gone, +and my heart was like lead. I, too, would no longer permit my eyes to +rest even a moment on one whose ever-present image was only too vivid +in spite of my constant effort to think of something else; for so +complete was my enthrallment that it was intolerable pain to see her +the object of another's man's preferred attentions. I knew it was all +right; I was not jealous in the ordinary sense of the word; I merely +found myself unable longer, in my weak condition, to endure in her +presence the consequences of my fatal blunder. Therefore I saw with +pleasure that I might in a few moments have a chance to slip back to +my refuge as quietly as I had left it. Mrs. Yocomb was summoned to the +kitchen; a farm laborer was inquiring for her husband, and he and +Reuben went out toward the barn. Adah would have lingered, but the two +children pulled her away to the swing. + +Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren stood by me a moment or two as I sat on the +lounge in the hall, and then the former said: "Emily, this is just the +time for a twilight walk. Come, and show me the old garden;" and he +took her away, with an air of proprietorship at which I sickened, to +that place consecrated by my first conscious vision of the woman that +I hoped would be my fair Eve. + +The moment they were off the porch I tottered to the stairway, and +managed to reach the turn of the landing, and there my strength +failed, and I held on to the railing for support, feeling ill and +faint. A light step came quickly through the hall and up the stairway. + +"Why, Mr. Morton!" exclaimed Miss Warren, "you are not going up so +soon?" + +"Yes, thank you," I managed to say cheerily. "Invalids must be +prudent. I'm only resting on the landing a little." + +"I found it rather cool and damp, and so came back for a shawl," she +explained, and passed on up to her room, for she seemed a little +embarrassed at meeting me on the stairs. In her absence I made a +desperate effort to go on, but found that I would fall. I must wait +till she returned, and then crawl up the best I could. + +"You see I'm prudence personified," I laughed, as she came back. "I'm +taking it so leisurely that I have even sat down about it." + +"Are you not overtaxing yourself?" she asked gently. "I fear--" + +"Oh, no, indeed--will sleep all the better for a change. Mr. Hearn is +waiting for you, and the twilight isn't. Don't worry; I'll surpass +Samson in a week." + +She looked at me keenly, and hesitatingly passed down the dusky +stairway. Then I turned and tried to crawl on, eager to gain my room +without revealing my condition; but when I reached the topmost stair +it seemed that I could not go any further if my life depended on it. +With an irritable imprecation on my weakness, I sank down on the +topmost step. + +"Mr. Morton," said a low voice, "why did you try to deceive me? You +have gone far beyond your strength." + +"You here--you of all others," I broke out, in tones of exasperation. +"I meant that your first evening should be without a shadow, and have +failed, as I now fail in everything. Call Reuben." + +"Let me help you?" she pleaded, in the same hurried voice. + +"No," I replied harshly, and I leaned heavily against the wall. She +held out her hand to aid me, but I would not take it. + +"I've no right even to look at you--I who have been doubly enjoined to +cherish such a 'scrupulous sense of honor.' I'd better have died a +thousand times. Call Reuben." + +"How can I leave you so ill and unhappy!" and she made a gesture of +protest and distress whose strong effect was only intensified by the +obscurity. "I had hoped--you led me to think to-night--" + +"That I was a weather-vane. Thank you." + +Steps were heard entering the hall. + +"Oh! oh!" she exclaimed, in bitter protest. + +"Emily," called the banker's voice, "are you not very long?" + +I seized her hand to detain her, and said, in a fierce whisper: "Never +so humiliate me as to let him know. Go at once; some one will find +me." + +"Your hand is like ice," she breathed. + +I ignored her presence, leaned back, and closed my eyes. + +She paused a single instant longer, and then, with a firm, decisive +bearing, turned and passed quietly down the stairway. + +"What in the world has kept you?" Mr. Hearn asked, a trifle +impatiently. + +"Can you tell me where Reuben is?" she answered, in a clear, firm +voice, that she knew I must hear. + +"What does thee want, Emily?" cried Reuben from the piazza. + +"Mr. Morton wishes to see you," she replied, in the same tone that she +would have used had my name been Mrs. Yocomb's, and then she passed +out with her affianced. + +Reuben almost ran over me as he came bounding up the stairs. + +"Hold on, old fellow," I whispered, and I pulled him down beside me. +"Can you keep a secret? I'm played out--Reuben--to speak elegantly-- +and I don't wish a soul to know it. I'm sitting very--comfortably on +this step--you see--that's the way it looks--but I'm stuck--hard +aground--you'll have to tow me off. But not a word, remember. Lift me +up--let me get my arm around your neck--there. Lucky I'm not heavy-- +slow and easy now--that's it. Ah, thank the Lord! I'm in my refuge +again. I felt like a scotched snake that couldn't wriggle back to its +hole. Hand me that brandy there--like a good fellow. Now I won't kelp +you--any longer. If you care--for me--never speak of this." + +"Please let me tell mother?" + +"No, indeed." + +"But doesn't Emily Warren know?" + +"She knows I wanted to see you." + +"Please let me do something or get thee something." + +"No; just leave me to myself a little while, and I'll be all right. Go +at once, that's a good fellow." + +"Oh, Richard, thee shouldn't have come down. Thee looks so pale and +sick that I'm afraid thee'll die yet; if thee does, thee'll break all +our hearts," and the warm-hearted boy burst out crying, and ran and +locked himself in his room. + +I was not left alone very long, for Mrs. Yocomb soon entered, saying: + +"I'm glad thee's so prudent, and has returned to thy room. Thee acted +very generously to-night, and I appreciate it. I had no idea thee +could be so strong and carry it out so well. Emily was greatly +surprised, but she enjoyed her first evening far more than she +otherwise could have done, for she's one of the most kind-hearted, +sensitive girls I ever knew. I do believe it would have killed her if +thee hadn't got well. But thee looks kind of weak and faint, as far as +I can see. Let me light the lamp for thee." + +"No, Mrs. Yocomb, I like the dusk best. The light draws moths. They +will come, you know, the stupid things, though certain to be scorched. +One in the room at a time is enough. Don't worry--I'm a little tired-- +that's all. Sleep is all I need." + +"Is thee sure?" "Yes, indeed; don't trouble about me. You won't know +me in a few days." + +"Thee was a brave, generous man to-night, Richard. I understood the +effort thee was making, and I think Emily did. A good conscience ought +to make thee sleep well." + +I laughed very bitterly as I said, "My conscience is gutta-percha to- +night, through and through, but please say no more, or I'll have to +shock you again. I'll be in a better mood to-morrow." + +"Well, good-night. Thee'll excuse a housekeeper on Seventh-day +evening. If thee wants anything, ring thy bell." + +She came and stroked my brow gently for a moment, and then breathed +softly: + +"God bless thee, Richard. May the Sabbath's peace quiet thy heart to- +morrow." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +IN THE DEPTHS + + +I awoke late Sunday morning and found Reuben watching beside me. + +"Thee's better, isn't thee?" he asked eagerly. + +"Well, I ought to be. You're a good fellow, Reuben. What time is it?-- +nearly night again, I hope." + +"Oh, no, it's only about eleven; they're all gone to meeting. I made +'em leave you in my care. Adah would have stayed, but mother told her +she was to go. Emily Warren's grandfather wanted to go spooning off in +the woods, but she made him go to meeting too. I don't see how she +ever came to like him, with his grand airs." + +"She has good reasons, rest assured." + +"Well, he ain't the kind of a man I'd go for if I was a girl." + +"Miss Warren is not the girl to go for any man, Reuben. He had to seek +her long and patiently. But that's their affair--we have nothing to do +with it." + +"I thought thee was taken with her at first," said Reuben innocently. + +"I do admire Miss Warren very much--now as much as ever. I admire a +great many ladies, especially your mother. I never knew a truer, +kinder lady." + +"And if it had not been for thee, Richard, she might have been burned +up," and tears came into his eyes. + +"Oh, no, Reuben. You could have got them all out easily enough." + +"I fear I would have lost my head." + +"No, you wouldn't; you are not of that kind. Please say no more about +that affair. I've heard too much of it." + +"Does thee think thee'll be able to come down to dinner? Mother and +father and all of us will be awfully disappointed if thee isn't." + +"Yes, I'll come down if you'll stand by me, and help me back when I +give you the wink. I won't go down till dinner's ready; after it's +over you can help me out under some tree. I'm just wild to get out of +doors." + +I had a consuming desire to retrieve myself, and prove that I was not +weakness personified, and I passed through the ordeal of dinner much +better than I expected. Mr. Hearn was benignness itself, but I saw +that he was very observant. The shrewd Wall Street man had the eye of +an eagle when his interests were concerned, and he very naturally +surmised that no one could have seen so much of Miss Warren as I had, +and still remain entirely indifferent; besides, he may have detected +something in my manner or imagined that the peculiar events of the +past few weeks had made us better acquainted than he cared to have us. + +Miss Warren's greeting was cordial, but her manner toward me was so +quiet and natural that he had no cause for complaint, and I felt that +I had rather be drawn asunder by wild horses than give him a clew to +my feelings. I took a seat next to Mr. Yocomb, and we chatted quietly +most of the time. The old gentleman was greatly pleased about +something, and it soon came out that Mr. Hearn had promised him five +hundred dollars to put a new roof on the meeting-house and make other +improvements. I drew all the facts readily from the zealous Friend, +together with quite a history of the old meeting-house, for I proposed +to make a complimentary item of the matter in my paper, well knowing +how grateful such incense was to the banker's soul. Mr. Hearn, who sat +nearest to us, may have heard my questions and divined my purpose, for +he was peculiarly gracious. + +I was not able to do very much justice to Mrs. Yocomb's grand dinner, +but was unstinted in my praise. The banker made amends for my +inability, and declared he had never enjoyed such a repast, even at +Delmonico's. I though Miss Warren's appetite flagged a little, but to +the utmost extent of my power I kept my eyes and thoughts from her. + +After dinner Reuben helped me to a breezy knoll behind the dwelling, +and spreading some robes from the carriage-house under a wide- +branching tree, left me, at my request, to myself. The banker now had +his way, and carried Miss Warren off to a distant grove. I would not +look at them as they went down the lane together, but shut my eyes and +tried to breathe in life and health. + +Adah read to the two little girls for some time, and then came +hesitatingly toward me. I feigned sleep, for I was too weak and +miserable to treat the girl as she deserved. She stood irresolutely a +moment or two, and then slowly and lingeringly returned to the house. + +My feigning soon became reality, and when I awoke Reuben was sitting +beside me, and I found had covered me well to guard against the +dampness of the declining day. + +"You are always on hand when I need you most," I said smilingly. "I +think I will go back to my room now, while able to make a respectable +retreat." + +I saw Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren entering the house, and thought that +they had had a long afternoon together, but that time no doubt had +passed more quickly with them than with me, even though I had slept +for hours. When reaching the parlor door I saw Miss Warren at the +piano; she turned so quickly as almost to give me the impression that +she was waiting to intercept me. + +"Would you not like to hear your favorite nocturne again?" she asked, +with a friendly smile. + +I hesitated, and half entered the parlor. Her face seemed to light up +with pleasure at my compliance. How divine she appeared in the quaint, +simple room! I felt that I would gladly give the best years of my life +for the right to sit there and feast my eyes on a grace and beauty +that to me were indescribable and irresistible; but the heavy tread of +the banker in the adjoining room reminded me that I had no right--that +to see her and to listen would soon become unendurable pain. I had +twice been taught my weakness. + +"Thank you," I said, with a short, dry laugh; "I'm sorely tempted, but +it's time I learned that for me discretion is certainly the better +part of valor," and I turned away, but not too soon to see that her +face grew sad and wistful. + +"Heaven bless her kind heart!" I murmured as I wearily climbed the +stairs. + +Adah brought me up my supper long before the others were through, and +I felt a faint remorse that I had feigned sleep in the afternoon, even +though my motive had been consideration for her as truly as for +myself. + +"Miss Adah!" I exclaimed, "you are growing much too unselfish. Why +didn't you get your supper first?" + +"I've had all I wish. I'm not hungry to-night." + +"Truly, you look as if you lived on roses; but you can't thrive long +on such unsubstantial diet. It was real good of you to read to those +children so long. If I had been an artist, I would have made a sketch +of you three. You and that little dark-eyed girl make a lovely +contrast." + +"I like her," she said simply; "I feel as if I wanted some one to pet. +Can't I read to you while you eat your supper?" + +"I'd rather have you talk to me: what do you think of the little +girl's father?" + +"I haven't thought much about him." + +"I wish you could see his house in New York; it's a superb one, and on +your favorite Fifth Avenue." + +"Yes, I know," she replied absently. + +"I should think you would envy Miss Warren." + +"I don't," she said emphatically; "the man is more than the house." + +"I don't think you would have said that a month ago." + +"I fear not. I fear thee didn't like me that Sunday afternoon when I +was so self-satisfied. I've thought it over." + +"Indeed, Miss Adah, I would gladly be struck by lightning myself if it +would change me for the better as greatly as you are changed." + +"It wasn't the lightning," she said, blushing and slowly shaking her +head. "I've been thinking." + +"Ah," I laughed, "you are shrewd. If women only knew it, there's +nothing that gives beauty like thought, and it's a charm that +increases every year. Well," I continued, with the utmost frankness, +"I do like you now, and what is more, I honestly respect you. When you +come to New York again, I am going to ask your mother to trust me as +if I were your older brother, and I'll take you to see and hear much +that I'm sure you'll enjoy." + +"Oh, that will be splendid!" she cried gladly. "I know mother will let +me go with thee, because--because--well, she says thee is a +gentleman." + +"Do you know, Miss Adah, I'd rather have your mother say that than +have all Mr. Hearn's thousands. But your mother judges me leniently. +To tell you the honest truth, I've come lately to have a very poor +opinion of myself. I feel that I would have been a much better man if, +in past years, I had seen more of such people as dwell in this house." + +"Thee remembers what father said to thee," she replied, shyly, with +downcast eyes; "this is thy home hereafter." + +"She looks now," I thought, "as if she might fulfil the dream I wove +about her on that memorable day when I first saw her in the meeting- +house. How perverse my fate has been, giving me that for which I might +well thank God on my knees, and yet which my heart refuses, and +withholding that which will impoverish my whole life. Why must the +heart be so imperious and self-willed in these matters? An elderly +gentleman would say, Everything is just right as it is. It would be +the absurdity of folly for Miss Warren to give up her magnificent +prospects because of your sudden and sickly sentiment; and what more +could you ask or wish than this beautiful girl, whose womanhood has +awakened and developed under your very eyes, almost as unconsciously +as if a rosebud had opened and shown you its heart? Indeed, but a +brief time since I would have berated any friend of mine who would not +take the sensible course which would make all happy. If I could but +become 'sane and reasonable,' as Miss Warren would say, how she would +beam upon me, and, the thought of my disappointment and woe-begone +aspect banished, how serenely she would go toward her bright future! +And yet in taking this sane and sensible course I would be false to my +very soul--false to this simple, true-hearted girl, to whom I could +give but a cold, hollow pretence in return for honest love. I would +become an arrant hypocrite, devoid of honor and self-respect." + +"Heaven bless you, Adah!" I murmured. "I love you too well for all +your kindness and goodness to pretend to love you so ill." + +Thoughts like these passed through my mind as I thanked her for all +that she had done for me, and told her of such phases of New York life +as I thought would interest her. She listened with so intent and +childlike an expression on her face that I could scarcely realize that +I was talking to one in whose bosom beat the heart of a woman. I felt +rather as if I were telling Zillah a fairy story. + +Still I had faith in her intuition, and believed that after I was gone +she would recognize and accept the frank, brotherly regard that I now +cherished toward her. + +Reuben was not very long in joining us, and boy-like did not note that +his sister evidently wished him far away. My greeting was so cordial +that she noted with a sigh that I did not regard him as the unwelcome +third party. Then Mr. Yocomb and the little girls came to the door and +asked if there was room for a crowd. Soon after Mrs. Yocomb appeared, +with her comely face ruddy from exercise. + +"I've hurried all I could," she said, "but thee knows how it is with +housekeepers; and yet how should thee know, living all thy life alone +in dens, as thee said? Why, thee's having a reception." + +"I fear your guests downstairs will feel neglected, Mrs. Yocomb." + +"Don't thee worry about that, Richard," Mr. Yocomb said, laughing. +"I'm not so old, mother, but I can remember when we could get through +an evening together without help from anybody. I reckon we could do so +again--eh? mother? Ha, ha, ha! so thee isn't too old to blush yet? +How's that, Richard, for a young girl of sixty? Don't thee worry about +Emily Warren. I fear that any one of us would make a large crowd in +the old parlor." + +This was sorry comfort, and I fear that my laugh was anything but +honest, while Mrs. Yocomb stared out of the window, at which she sat +fanning herself, with a fixedness that I well understood. + +But they were all so kind and hearty that I could no more give way to +dejection than to chill and cheerlessness before a genial wood fire. +They seemed in truth to have taken me into the family. Barely was I +now addressed formally as Richard Morton. It was simply "Richard," +spoken with the unpremeditated friendliness characteristic of family +intercourse. Heathen though I was, I thanked God that he had brought +me among these true-hearted people; "and may He blast me," I muttered, +"if I ever relapse into the old sneering cynicism that I once +affected. Let me at least leave that vice to half-fledged young men +and to bad old men." + +One thing puzzled me. Miss Warren remained at her piano, and it struck +me as a little odd that she did not find the music of her lover's +voice preferable, but I concluded that music was one of the strongest +bonds of sympathy between them, and one of the means by which he had +won her affection. Sometimes, as her voice rose clear and sweet to my +open windows, I answered remarks addressed to me with an inaptness +that only Mrs. Yocomb understood. + +Before very long, that considerate lady looked into my face a moment, +and then said decisively: + +"Richard, thee is getting tired. We must all bid thee good-night at +once." + +Adah looked almost resentfully at her mother, and lingered a little +behind the others. As they passed out she stepped hastily back, and +unclasping a rosebud from her breastpin laid it on the table beside +me. + +"It was the last one I could find in the garden," she said, +breathlessly, and with its color in her cheeks. Before I could speak +she was gone. + +"It shall be treated with reverence, like the feeling which led to the +gift," I murmured sadly. "Heaven grant that it may be only the impulse +of a girlish fancy;" and I filled a little vase with water and placed +the bud near the window, where the cool night air could blow upon it. + +Still Miss Warren remained at the piano. "How singularly fond of music +he is!" I thought. + +I darkened my room, and sat at the window that I might hear every +note. The old garden, half hidden by trees, looked cool and Eden-like +in the light of the July moon, athwart whose silver hemisphere fleecy +clouds were drifting like the traces of thought across a bright face. +Motionless shadows stretched toward the east, from which the new day +would come, but with a dreary sinking of heart I felt as it each +coming day would bring a heavier burden. + +But a little time passed before I recognized Chopin's Nocturne, to +which I had listened with kindling hope on the night of the storm. Was +it my own mood, or did she play it with far more pathos and feeling +than on that never-to-be-forgotten evening? Be that as it may, it +evoked a fiercer storm of unavailing passion and regret in my mind. In +bitterness of heart I groaned aloud and insulted God. + +"It was a cruel and terrible thing," I charged, "to mock a creature +with such a hope. Why was such power over me given to her when it was +of no use?" But I will say no more of that hour of weak human +idolatry. It was a revelation to me of the depths of despair and +wretchedness into which one can sink when unsustained by manly +fortitude or Christian principle. It is in such desperate, irrational +moods that undisciplined, ill-balanced souls thrust themselves out +from the light of God's sunshine and the abundant possibilities of +future good. I now look back on that hour with shame, and cannot +excuse it even by the fact that I was enfeebled in mind as well as +body by disease. We often never know ourselves or our need until after +we have failed miserably under the stress of some strong temptation. + +I was the worse the next day for my outburst of passion, and the +wretched night that followed, and did not leave my room; but I was +grim and rigid in my purpose to retrieve myself. I appeared to be +occupied with my mail and paper much of the day, and I wrote a very +complimentary paragraph concerning the banker's gift for the meeting- +house. Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren were out riding much of the time. I +saw them drive away with a lowering brow, and was not disarmed of my +bitterness because I saw, through the half-closed blinds, that the +young girl stole a swift glance at my window. + +Adah was pleased as she saw how I was caring for her gift; but I +puzzled and disheartened her by my preoccupation and taciturnity. She +took the children off on a long ramble in the afternoon, and heaped +coals of fire on my head by bringing me an exquisite collection of +ferns. + +The next morning I went down to breakfast resolving to take my place +in the family, and make no more trouble during the brief remainder of +my stay, for I proposed to go back to the city as soon as I had shown +enough manhood to satisfy my pride, and had made Miss Warren believe +that she could dismiss her solicitude on my account, and thus enjoy +the happiness which apparently I had clouded. As I saw her pale face +again I condemned my weakness unsparingly, and with the whole force of +my will endeavored to act and appear as both she and Mr. Hearn would +naturally wish. + +"Richard," said Reuben, after breakfast, "I've borrowed a low phaeton, +and I'm going to take thee out with Dapple. He'll put life in thee, +never fear. He'd cure me if I were half dead." + +He was right; the swift motion through the pure air braced me greatly. + +When we returned, the banker sat on the piazza. Adah was near, with +some light sewing, and the connoisseur was leisurely admiring her. +Well he might, for in her neat morning gown she again seemed the +embodiment of a June day. She rose to meet me, with a faint accession +to her delicate color, and said: + +"The ride has done thee good; thee looks better than thee has any day +yet." + +"Reuben's right," I said, laughing; "Dapple would bring a fossil to +life," and the young fellow drove chuckling down toward the barn, +making Dapple rear and prance in order to show off a little before Mr. +Hearn. + +I sat down a few moments to rest. Miss Warren must have heard our +voices; but she went on with an intricate piece of music in which she +was displaying no mean skill. I did not think Mr. Hearn was as much +interested in it as I was. His little girl came out of the house and +climbed into Adah's lap. She evidently liked being petted, and was not +a little spoiled by it The banker continued to admire the picture they +made with undisguised enjoyment, and I admitted that the most critical +could have found no fault with the group. + +After exerting myself to seem exceedingly cheerful, and laughing +heartily at a well-worn jest of Mr. Hearn's, I went to my room and +rested till dinner, and I slept away the afternoon as on the previous +day. + +My plan was now to get sufficiently strong to take my departure by the +following Monday, and I was glad indeed that the tonic of out-of-door +air promised an escape from a position in which I must continually +seem to be what I was not--a cheerful man in the flood tide of +convalescence. Were it not that my kind friends at the farmhouse would +have been grievously hurt, I would have left at once. + +As I returned from my ride the next day, Mr. Hearn greeted me with a +newspaper in his hand. + +"I'm indebted to you," he said, in his most gracious manner, "for a +very kindly mention here. So small a donation was not worth the +importance you give it, but you have put the matter so happily and +gracefully that it may lead other men of means to do likewise at the +various places of their summer sojourn. You editors are able to wield +a great deal of influence." + +I bowed, and said I was glad the paragraph had been worded in a way +not disagreeable to him. + +"Oh, it was good taste itself, I assure you, sir. It seemed the +natural expression of your interest in that which interests your good +friends here." + +When I came down to dinner I saw that there was an unwonted fire in +Miss Warren's eyes and unusual color in her cheeks. Moreover, I +imagined that her replies to the few remarks that I addressed to her +were brief and constrained. "She is no dissembler," I thought; +"something has gone wrong." + +After dinner I went to my room for a book, and as I came out I met her +in the hall. + +"Mr. Morton," she said, with characteristic directness, "if you had +given a sum toward a good object in a quiet country place, would you +have been pleased to see the fact paraded before those having no +natural interest in the matter?" + +"I have never had the power to be munificent, Miss Warren," I replied, +with some embarrassment. + +"Please answer me," she insisted, with a little impatient tap of the +floor with her foot. + +"No," I said bluntly. + +"Did you think it would be pleasing to me?" + +"Pardon me," I began, "that I did not sufficiently identify you with +Mr. Hearn--" + +"What!" she interrupted, blushing hotly, "have I given any reason for +not being identified with him?" + +"Not at all--not in one sense," I said bitterly. "Of course you are +loyalty itself." + +She turned away so abruptly as to surprise me a little. + +"You had no more right to think it would be pleasing to him than to +me," she resumed coldly. + +"Miss Warren," I said, after a moment, "don't turn your back on me. I +won't quarrel with you, and I promise to do nothing of the kind +again;" and I spoke gravely and a little sadly. + +"When you speak in that way you disarm me completely," she said, with +one of the sudden illuminations of her face that I so loved to see; +but I also noted that she had become very pale, and as my eyes met +hers I thought I detected the old frightened look that I had seen when +I had revealed my feelings too clearly after my illness. + +"She fears that I may again speak as I ought not," I thought; and +therefore I bowed quietly and passed on. Mr. Hearn was reading the +paper on the piazza. I took a chair and went out under the elm, not +far away. In a few moments Miss Warren joined her affianced, and sat +down with some light work. + +"Emily," I heard the banker say, as if the topic were uppermost in his +mind, "I'd like to call your attention to this paragraph. I think our +friend has written it with unusual good taste and grace, and I've +taken pains to tell him so." + +I could not help hearing his words; but I would not look up to see her +humiliation, and turned a leaf, as if intent on my author. + +After a moment she said, with slight but clear emphasis: + +"I can't agree with you." + +A little later she went to the piano; but I never heard her play so +badly. A glance at Mr. Hearn revealed that his dignity and complacency +had received a wound that he was inclined to resent. I strolled away +muttering: + +"She has idealized him as she did Old Plod, but after all it's not a +very serious foible in a man of millions." + +Before the day passed she found an opportunity to ask: + +"Why did you not tell me that Mr. Hearn had spoken to you approvingly +of that paragraph?" + +"I would not willingly say anything to annoy you," I replied quietly. + +"Did you hear him call my attention to it?" + +"I could not help it." + +"You did not look up and triumph over me." + +"That would have given me no pleasure." + +"I believe you," she said, in a low tone; but she devoted herself so +assiduously to the stately banker that he became benignness itself. I +also observed that Mr. Yocomb looked in vain for the paper after tea. +"I happened to destroy the copy," I said very innocently. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +POOR ACTING + + +The last week that I proposed to spend at the farmhouse was passing +quietly and uneventfully away. I was gaining steadily though not +rapidly in physical strength, but not in my power to endure my +disappointment with equanimity, much less with resignation. In the +delirium of my fever I kept constantly repeating the words--so Mrs. +Yocomb told me--"It's all wrong." Each successive day found these +words on my lips again with increasing frequency. It seemed contrary +to both right and reason that one should so completely enslave me, and +then go away leaving me a bound and helpless captive. The conviction +grew stronger that no such power over me should have been given to +her, if her influence was to end only in darkening my life and +crippling my power to be a forceful man among men. I felt with +instinctive certainty that my burden would be too heavy to leave me +the elastic spring and energy required by my exacting profession. A +hopeful, eager interest in life and the world at large was the first +necessity to success in my calling; but already I found a leaden +apathy creeping over me which even the powerful motives of pride, and +my resolute purpose to seem cheerful that she might go on to her +bright future unregretfully, were not sufficiently strong to banish. +If I could not cope with this despondency in its inception, how could +I face the future? + +At first I had bitterly condemned my weakness; but now I began to +recognize the strength of my love, which, so far from being a mere +sudden passion, was the deep, abiding conviction that I had met the +only woman I could marry--the woman whom my soul claimed as its mate, +because she possessed the power to help me and inspire me to tireless +effort toward better living and nobler achievement. Her absolute truth +would keep me true and anchored amid the swift, dark currents of the +world to which I was exposed. I feared, with almost instinctive +certainty, that I would become either a brooding, solitary man or else +a very ambitious and reckless one, for I was conscious of no reserve +strength which would enable me to go steadfastly on my way under the +calm and inexorable guidance of duty. + +Such was my faith in her that I had no hope whatever. If she loved and +had given her troth to another man, it would not be in her nature to +change, therefore my purpose had simplified itself to the effort to +get through this one week at the farmhouse in a manner that would +enable me to carry away the respect of all its inmates, but especially +the esteem of one to whom I feared I seemed a rash, ill-balanced man. +So carefully had I avoided Miss Warren's society, and yet so freely +and frankly, apparently, had I spoken to her in the presence of her +affianced, that his suspicions were evidently banished, and he treated +me with a gracious and patronizing benignity. He saw no reason why he +should not turn on me the light of his full and smiling countenance, +which might be taken as an emblem of prosperity; and, in truth, I gave +him no reason. So rigid was the constraint under which I kept myself +that jealousy itself could not have found fault. + +With the exception of the two momentary interviews recorded in the +previous chapter, we had not spoken a syllable together, except in his +presence, nor had I permitted my eyes to follow her with a wistful +glance that he or she could intercept. Even Mrs. Yocomb appeared to +think that I was recovering in more senses than one, and by frequent +romps with the children, jests and chaffing with Mr. Yocomb and +Reuben, by a little frank and ostentatious gallantry to Adah, which no +longer deceived even her simple mind, since I never sought her +exclusive society as a lover would have done, I confirmed the +impression. + +And yet, in spite of all efforts and disguises, the truth will often +flash out unexpectedly and irresistibly, making known all that we +hoped to hide with the distinctness of the lightning, which revealed +even the color of the roses on the night of the storm. + +The weather had become exceedingly warm, and Miss Warren's somewhat +portly suitor clung persistently to the wide, cool veranda. Adah sat +there frequently also; sometimes she read to the children fairy +stories, of which Adela, Mr. Hearn's little girl, had brought a great +store, and she seemed to enjoy them quite as much as her eager-eyed +listeners; but more often she superintended their doll dressmaking, +over which there were the most animated discussions. The banker would +look on with the utmost content, while he slowly waved his palm-leaf +fan. Indeed the group was pretty enough to justify all the pleasure he +manifested. + +The rustic piazza formed just the setting for Adah's beauty, and her +light summer costume well suggested her perfect and womanly form, +while the companionship of the children proved that she was almost as +guileless and childlike as they. The group was like a bubbling, +sparkling spring, at which the rather advanced man of the world sipped +with increasing pleasure. + +Miss Warren also gave much of her time to the children, and beguiled +them into many simple lessons at the piano. Zillah was true to her +first love, but Adela gave to Adah a decided preference; and when they +entered on the intense excitement of making a new wardrobe for each of +the large dolls that Mr. Hearn had brought, Adah had the advantage, +for she was a genius in such matters, and quite as much interested as +the little girls themselves. + +In my desperate struggle with myself, I tried not even to see Miss +Warren, for every glance appeared to rivet my chains, and yet I gained +the impression that she was a little restless and _distraite_. She +seemed much at her piano, not so much for Mr. Hearn's sake as her +own, and sometimes I was so impressed by the strong, passionate music +that she evoked that I was compelled to hasten beyond its reach. It +meant too much to me. Oh, the strange idolatry of an absorbing +affection! All that she said or did had for me an indescribable charm +that both tortured and delighted. Still every hour increased my +conviction that my only safety was in flight. + +My faithful ally, Reuben, still took me on long morning drives, and in +the afternoon, with my mail and paper, I sought secluded nooks in a +somewhat distant grove, which I reached by the shady lane, of which I +had caught a glimpse with Miss Warren on the first evening of my +arrival. But Friday afternoon was too hot for the walk thither. The +banker had wilted and retired to his room. Adah and the children were +out under a tree. The girl looked up wistfully and invitingly as I +came out. + +"I wish I were an artist, Miss Adah," I cried. "You three make a +lovely picture." + +Remembering an arbor at the further end of the garden, I turned my +steps thither, passing rapidly by the spot where I had seen my Eve who +was not mine. + +I had entered the arbor before I saw it was occupied, and was +surprised by the vivid blush with which Miss Warren greeted me. + +"Pardon me," I said, "I did not know you were here," and I was about +to depart, with the best attempt at a smile that I could muster. + +She sprang up and asked, a little indignantly: "Am I infected with a +pestilence that you so avoid me, Mr. Morton?" + +"Oh, no," I replied, with a short, grim laugh; "if it were only a +pestilence--I fear I disturbed your nap; but you know I'm a born +blunderer." + +"You said we should be friends," she began hesitatingly. + +"Do you doubt it?" I asked gravely. "Do you doubt that I would +hesitate at any sacrifice--?" + +"I don't want sacrifices. I wish to see you happy, and your manner +natural." + +"I'm sure I've been cheerful during the past week." + +"No, you have only seemed cheerful; and often I've seen you look as +grim, hard, and stern as if you were on the eve of mortal combat." + +"You observe closely, Miss Warren." + +"Why should I not observe closely? Do you think me inhuman? Can I +forget what I owe you, and that you nearly died?" + +"Well," I said dejectedly, "what can I do? It seems that I have played +the hypocrite all the week in vain. I will do whatever you ask." + +"I was in hopes that as you grew well and strong you would throw off +this folly. Have you not enough manhood to overcome it?" + +"No, Miss Warren," I said bluntly, "I have not. What little manhood I +had led to this very thing." + +"Such--such--" + +"Enthrallment, you may call it." + +"No, I will not; it's a degrading word. I would not have a slave if I +could." + +"Since I can't help it, I don't see how you can. I may have been a +poor actor, but I know I've not been obtrusive." + +"You have not indeed," she replied a little bitterly; "but you have no +cause for such feelings. They seem to me unnatural, and the result of +a morbid mind." + +"Yes, you have thought me very ill balanced from the first; but I'm +constrained to use such poor wits as I possess. In the abstract it +strikes me as not irrational to recognize embodied truth and +loveliness, and I do not think the less of myself because I reached +such recognition in hours rather than in months. I saw your very self +in this old garden, and every subsequent day has confirmed that +impression. But there's no use in wasting words in explanation--I +don't try to explain it to myself. But the fact is clear enough. By +some necessity of my nature, it is just as it is. I can no more help +it than I can help breathing. It was inevitable. My only chance was +never meeting you, and yet I can scarcely wish that even now. Perhaps +you think I've not tried, since I learned I ought to banish your +image, but I have struggled as if I were engaged in a mortal combat, +as you suggested. But it's of no use. I can't deceive you any more +than I can myself. Now you know the whole truth, and it seems that +there is no escaping it in our experience. I do not expect anything. I +ask nothing save that you accept the happiness which is your perfect +right; for not a shadow of blame rests on you. If you were not happy I +should be only tenfold more wretched. But I've no right to speak to +you in this way. I see I've caused you much pain; I've no right even +to look at you feeling as I do. I would have gone before, were it not +for hurting Mrs. Yocomb's feelings. I shall return to New York next +Monday; for--" + +"Return to New York!" she repeated, with a sudden and deep breath; and +she became very pale. After a second she added hastily, "You are not +strong enough yet; we are the ones to go." + +"Miss Warren," I said, almost sternly, "it's little that I ask of you +or that you can give. I may not have deceived you, but I have the +others. Mrs. Yocomb knows; but she is as merciful as my own mother +would have been. I'm not ashamed of my love--I'm proud of it; but it's +too sacred a thing, and--well, if you can't understand me I can't +explain. All I ask is that you seem indifferent to my course beyond +ordinary friendliness. There! God bless you for your patient kindness; +I will not trespass on it longer. You have the best and kindest heart +of any woman in the world. Why don't you exult a little over your +conquest? It's complete enough to satisfy the most insatiable +coquette. Don't look so sad. I'll be your merry-hearted friend yet +before I'm eighty." + +But my faint attempt at lightness was a speedy failure, for my strong +passion broke out irresistibly. + +"O God!" I exclaimed, "how beautiful you are to me! When shall I +forget the look in your kind, true eyes? But I'm disgracing myself +again. I've no right to speak to you. I wish I could never see you +again till my heart had become stone and my will like steel;" and I +turned and walked swiftly away until, from sheer exhaustion, I threw +myself under a tree and buried my face in my hands, for I hated the +warm, sunny light, when my life was so cheerless and dark. + +I lay almost as if I were dead for hours, and the evening was growing +dusky when I arose and wearily returned to the farmhouse. They were +all on the veranda except Miss Warren, who was at her piano again. +Mrs. Yocomb met me with much solicitude. + +"Reuben was just starting out to look for thee," she said. + +"I took a longer ramble than I intended," I replied, with a laugh. "I +think I lost myself a little. I don't deserve any supper, and only +want a cup of tea." Miss Warren played very softly for a moment, and I +knew she was listening to my lame excuses. + +"It doesn't matter what thee wants; I know what thee needs. Thee isn't +out of my hands altogether yet; come right into the dining-room." + +"I should think you would be slow to revolt against such a benign +government," remarked Mr. Hearn most graciously, and the thought +occurred to me that he was not displeased to have me out of the way so +long. + +"Yes, indeed," chimed in Mr. Yocomb; "we're always all the better for +minding mother. Thee'll find that out, Richard, after thee's been here +a few weeks longer." + +"Mr. Yocomb, you're loyalty itself. If women ever get their rights, +our paper will nominate Mrs. Yocomb for President" + +"I've all the rights I want now, Richard, and I've the right to scold +thee for not taking better care of thyself." + +"I'll submit to anything from you. You are wiser than the advanced +female agitators, for you know you've all the power now, and that we +men are always at your mercy." + +"Well, now that thee talks of mercy, I won't scold thee, but give thee +thy supper at once." + +"Thee always knew, Richard, how to get around mother," laughed the +genial old man, whose life ever seemed as mellow and ripe as a juicy +fall pippin. + +Adah followed her mother in to assist her, and I saw that Miss Warren +had turned toward us. + +"Why, Richard Morton!" exclaimed Mrs. Yocomb, as I entered the lighted +dining-room. "Thee looks as pale and haggard as a ghost. Thee must +have got lost indeed and gone far beyond thy strength." + +"Can--can I do anything to assist you, Mrs. Yocomb?" asked a timid +voice from the doorway. + +I was glad that Adah was in the kitchen at the moment, for I lost at +once my ghostly pallor. "Yes," said Mrs. Yocomb heartily, "come in and +make this man eat, and scold him soundly for going so far away as to +get lost when he's scarcely able to walk at all. I've kind of promised +I wouldn't scold him, and somebody must." + +"I'd scold like Xanthippe if I thought it would do any good," she +said, with a faint smile; but her eyes were full of reproach. For a +moment Mrs. Yocomb disappeared behind the door of her china closet, +and Miss Warren added, in a low, hurried whisper to me, "You promised +me to get well; you are not keeping your word." + +"That cuts worse than anything Xanthippe could have said." + +"I don't want to cut, but to cure." + +"Then become the opposite of what you are; that would cure me." + +"With such a motive I'm tempted to try," she said, with a half- +reckless laugh, for Adah was entering with some delicate toast. + +"Miss Adah," I cried, "I owe you a supper at the Brunswick for this, +and I'll pay my debt the first chance you'll give me." + +"If thee talks of paying, I'll not go with thee," she said, a little +coldly; and she seemingly did not like the presence of Miss Warren nor +the tell-tale color in my cheeks. + +"That's a deserved rebuke, Miss Adah. I know well enough that I can +never repay all your kindness, and so I won't try. But you'll go with +me because I want you to, and because I will be proud of your company. +I shall be the envy of all the men present." + +"They'd think me very rustic," she said, smiling. + +"Quite as much so as a moss-rose. But you'll see. I will be besieged +the next few days by my acquaintances for an introduction, and my +account of you will make them wild. I shall be, however, a very dragon +of a big brother, and won't let one of them come near you who is not a +saint--that is, as far as I am a judge of the article." + +"Thee may keep them all away if thee pleases," she replied, blushing +and laughing. "I should be afraid of thy fine city friends." + +"I'm afraid of a good many of them myself," I replied; "but some are +genuine, and you shall have a good time, never fear." + +"I'll leave you to arrange the details of your brilliant campaign," +said Miss Warren, smiling. + +"But thee hasn't scolded Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, who was seemingly +busy about the room. + +"My words would have no weight. He knows he ought to be ashamed of +himself," she answered from the doorway. + +"I am, heartily," I said, looking into her eyes a moment. + +"Since he's penitent, Mrs. Yocomb, I don't see as anything more can be +done," she replied, smilingly. + +"I don't think much of penitence unless it's followed by reformation," +said my sensible hostess. "We'll see how he behaves the next few +weeks." + +"Mr. Morton, I hope you will let Mrs. Yocomb see a daily change for +the better for a long time to come. She deserves it at your hands," +and there was almost entreaty in the young girl's voice. + +"She ought to know better than to ask it," I thought. My only answer +was a heavy frown, and I turned abruptly away from her appealing +glance. + +"I think Emily Warren acts very queer," said Adah, after the young +lady had gone; "she's at her piano half the time, and I know from her +eyes that she's been crying this afternoon. If ever a girl was engaged +to a good, kind man, who would give her everything, she is. I don't +see--" + +"Adah," interrupted her mother, "I hoped thee was overcoming that +trait. It's not a pleasing one. If people give us their confidence, +very well; if not, we should be blind." + +The girl blushed vividly, and looked deprecatingly at me. + +"You meant nothing ill-natured, Miss Adah," I said, gently; "it isn't +in you. Come, now, and let me tell you and your mother what a good +time I'm planning for you in New York," and we soon made the old +dining-room ring with our laughter. Mr. Yocomb, Reuben, and the +children soon joined us, and the lovers were left alone on the shadowy +porch. From the gracious manner of Mr. Hearn the following morning, I +think he rather thanked me for drawing off the embarrassing third +parties. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE HOPE OF A HIDDEN TREASURE + + +The next day I lured Reuben off on a fishing excursion to a mountain +lake, and so congratulated myself on escaping ordeals to which I found +myself wholly unequal. We did not reach the farmhouse till quite late +in the evening, and found that Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren were out +enjoying a moonlight ride. As on the previous evening, all the family +gathered around Reuben and me as we sat down to our late supper, the +little girls arranging with delight the sylvan spoil that I had +brought them. They were all so genial and kind that I grieved to think +that I had but one more evening with them, and I thought of my +cheerless quarters in New York with an inward shiver. + +Before very long Mr. Hearn entered with Miss Warren, and the banker +was in fine spirits. + +"The moonlit landscapes were divine," he said. "Never have I seen them +surpassed--not even in Europe." + +It was evident that his complacency was not easily disturbed, for I +thought that a more sympathetic lover would have noted that his +companion was not so enthusiastic as himself. Indeed Miss Warren +seemed to bring in with her the cold pale moonlight. Her finely- +chiselled oval face looked white and thin as if she were chilled, and +I noticed that she shivered as she entered. + +"Come," cried Mr. Yocomb, in his hearty way; "Emily, thee and Mr. +Hearn have had thy fill of moonlight, dew, and such like unsubstantial +stuff. I'm going to give you both a generous slice of cold roast-beef. +That's what makes good red blood; and Emily, thee looks as if thee +needed a little more. Then I want to see if we cannot provoke thee to +one of thy old-time laughs. Seems to me we've missed it a little of +late. Thy laugh beats all thy music at the piano." + +"Yes, Emily," said Mr. Hearn, a little discontentedly, "I think you +are growing rather quiet and _distraite_ of late. When have I heard +one of your genuine, mirthful laughs?" + +With a sudden wonder my mind took up his question. When had I heard +her laugh, whose contagious joyousness was so infectious that I, too, +had laughed without knowing why? I now remembered that it was before +he came; it was that morning when my memory, more kind than my fate, +still refused to reveal the disappointment that now was crushing my +very soul; it was when all in the farmhouse were so glad at my assured +recovery. Reuben had said that she was like a lark that day--that she +equalled Dapple in her glad life. I could recall no such day since, +though her lover was present, and her happiness assured. Even he was +beginning to note that the light of his countenance did not illumine +her face--that she was "quiet and _distraite_." + +Manlike, I had to think it all out, but I thought swiftly. The echo of +his words had scarcely died away before the light of a great hope +flashed into my face as my whole heart put the question: + +"Can it be only sympathy?" + +She met my eager glance shrinkingly. I felt almost as if my life +depended on the answer that she might consciously or unconsciously +give. Why did she fall into painful and even piteous confusion? + +But her womanly pride and strong character at once asserted +themselves, for she arose quietly, saying, "I do not feel well this +evening," and she left the room. + +Mr. Hearn followed precipitately, and was profuse in his +commiseration. + +"I shall be well in the morning," she said, with such clear, confident +emphasis that it occurred to me that the assurance was not meant for +his ears only; then, in spite of his entreaties, she went to her room. + +I wanted no more supper, and made a poor pretence of keeping Reuben +company, and I thought his boy's appetite never would be satisfied. My +mind was in such a tumult of hope and fear that I had to strive with +my whole strength for self-mastery, so as to excite no surmises. Mrs. +Yocomb gave me a few inquiring glances, thinking, perhaps, that I was +showing more solicitude about Miss Warren than was wise; but in fact +they were all so simple-hearted, so accustomed to express all they +thought and felt, that they were not inclined to search for hidden and +subtle motives. Even feigning more bungling than mine would have kept +my secret from them. Adah seemed relieved at Miss Warren's departure. +Mr. Hearn lighted a cigar and sat down on the piazza; as soon as +possible I pleaded fatigue and retired to my room, for I was eager to +be alone that I might, unwatched, look with fearful yet glistening +eyes on the trace I had discovered of an infinite treasure. + +I again sat down by the window and looked into the old garden. The +possibility that the woman that I had there seen, undisguised in her +beautiful truth, might be drawing near me, under an impulse too strong +to be resisted, thrilled my very soul. "It's contrary to reason, to +every law in nature," I said, "that she should attract me with such +tremendous gravitation, and yet my love have no counteraction. + +"And yet," I murmured, "beware--beware how you hope. Possibly she is +merely indisposed. It is more probable that her feelings toward you +are those of gratitude only and of deep sympathy. She is under the +impression that you saved her life, and that she has unwittingly +blighted yours; and, as Mrs. Yocomb said, she is so kind-hearted, so +sensitive, that the thought shadows her life and robs it of zest and +happiness. You cannot know that she is learning to return your love in +spite of herself, simply because she is pale and somewhat sad. She +would think herself, as she said, inhuman if she were happy and +serene. I must seek for other tests;" and I thought long and deeply. +"Oh, Will Shakespeare!" I at last murmured, "you knew the human heart, +if any one ever did. I remember now that you wrote: + +"'A murd'rous guilt shows not itself more soon Than love that would +seem hid.' + +"Oh, for the eyes of Argus. If all the mines of wealth in the world +were uncovered, and I might have them all for looking, I'd turn away +for one clear glimpse into her woman's heart to-night. Go to New York +on Monday! No, not unless driven away with a whip of scorpions. No +eagle that ever circled those skies watched as I'll stay and watch for +the faintest trace of this priceless secret. No detective, stimulated +by professional pride and vast reward, ever sought proof of 'murd'rous +guilt' as I shall seek for evidences of this pure woman's love, for +more than life depends on the result of my quest." + +Words like these would once have seemed extravagant and absurd, but in +the abandon of my solitude and in my strong excitement they but +inadequately expressed the thoughts that surged through my mind. But +as I grew calmer, Conscience asked to be heard. + +"Just what do you propose?" it asked; "to win her from another, who +now has every right to her allegiance and love? Change places, and how +would you regard the man who sought to supplant you? You cannot win +happiness at the expense of your honor." + +Then Reason added, with quiet emphasis, "Even though your conscience +is not equal to the emergency, hers will be. She will do what seems +right without any regard for the consequences. If you sought to woo +her now, she would despise you; she would regard it as an insult that +she would never forgive. It would appear proof complete that you +doubted her truth, her chief characteristic." + +Between them they made so strong a case against me that my heart sank +at the prospect. But hope is the lever that moves the world onward, +and the faint hope that had dawned on my thick night was too dear and +bright a one to leave me crushed again by my old despondency, and I +felt that there must be some way of untangling the problem. If the +wall of honor hedged me in on every side, I would _know_ the fact +to be true before I accepted it. + +"I do not propose to woo her," I argued; and possibly my good +resolution was strengthened by the knowledge that such a course would +be fatal to my hope; "I only intend to discover what may possibly +exist. I never have intentionally sought to influence her, even by a +glance, since I knew of her relation to Mr. Hearn. I'm under no +obligation to this prosperous banker; I'm only bound by honor in the +abstract. They are not married. Mrs. Yocomb would say that I had been +brought hither by an overruling Providence--it certainly was not a +conscious choice of mine--and since I met this woman everything has +conspired to bring me to my present position. I know I'm not to blame +for it--no more than I was for the storm or the lightning bolt. What a +clod I should be were I indifferent to the traits that she has +manifested! I feel with absolute certainty that I cannot help the +impression that she has made on me. If I could have foreseen it all, I +might have remained away; but I was led hither, and kept here by my +illness till my chains are riveted and locked, and the key is lost. I +cannot escape the fact that I belong to her, body and soul. + +"Now suppose, for the sake of argument, that gratitude, respect, +friendliness, a sense of being unprotected and alone in the world, +have led to her engagement with the wealthy, middle-aged banker, and +that through it all her woman's heart was never awakened: such a thing +at least is possible. If this were true, she would be no more to blame +than I, and we might become the happy victims of circumstances. I'm +not worthy of her, and never shall be, but I can't help that either. +After all, it seems to me that that which should fulfil my hope is not +a ledger balance of good qualities, but the magnetic sympathy of two +natures that supplement each other, and were designed for each other +in Heaven's match-making. Even now my best hope is based on the truth +that she attracts me so irresistibly, and though a much smaller body +morally, I should have some corresponding attraction for her. If her +woman's heart has become mine, what can she give him? Her very truth +may become my most powerful ally. If she still loves him, I will go +away and stay away; if it be in accordance with my trembling hope, I +have the higher right, and I will assert it to the utmost extent of my +power. Shall the happiness of two lives be sacrificed to his +unflagging prosperity? Could it ever be right for him to lead her body +to the altar and leave her heart with me? Could she, who is truth +itself, go there and perjure herself before God and man? No! a +thousand times no! It has become a simple question of whom she loves, +and I'll find out if Shakespeare's words are true. If she has love for +me, let her bury it never so deeply, my love will be the divining-rod +that will inevitably discover it." + +Having reached this conclusion, I at last slept, in the small hours of +the night. + +I thought I detected something like apprehension in her eyes when I +met her in the morning. Was she conscious of a secret that might +reveal itself in spite of her? But she was cheerful and decided in her +manner, and seemed bent on assuring Mr. Hearn that she was well again, +and all that he could desire. + +Were I in mortal peril I could not have been more vigilantly on my +guard. Not for the world would I permit her to know what was passing +in my mind--at least not yet--and as far as possible I resumed my old +manner. I even simulated more dejection than I felt, to counterbalance +the flash of hope that I feared she had recognized on the previous +evening. + +I well knew that all her woman's strength, that all her woman's pride +and exalted sense of honor would bind her to him, who was serenely +secure in his trust. My one hope was that her woman's heart was my +ally; that it would prove the strongest; that it would so assert +itself that truth and honor would at last range themselves on its +side. Little did the simple, frank old Quaker realize the passionate +alternations of hope and fear that I brought to his breakfast-table +that bright Sunday. + +All that my guarded scrutiny could gather was that Miss Warren was a +little too devoted and thoughtful of her urbane lover, and that her +cheerfulness lacked somewhat in spontaneity. + +It was agreed at the breakfast-table that we should all go to meeting. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I said, finding her alone for a moment, "won't you be +moved this morning? I need one of your sermons more than any heathen +in Africa. Whatever your faith is, I believe in it, for I've seen its +fruits." + +"If a message is given to me I will not be silent; if not, it would be +presumptuous to speak. But my prayer is that the Spirit whom we +worship may speak to thee, and that thou wilt listen. Unless He +speaks, my poor words would be of no avail." + +"You are a mystery to me, Mrs. Yocomb, with your genial homely farm +life here, and your mystical spiritual heights at the meeting-house. +You seem to go from the kitchen by easy and natural transition to +regions beyond the stars, and to pass without hesitancy from the +companionship of us poor mortals into a Presence that is to me +supremely awful." + +"Thee doesn't understand, Richard. The little faith I have I take with +me to the kitchen, and I'm not afraid of my Father in heaven because +he is so great and I'm so little. Is Zillah afraid of her father?" + +"I suppose you are right, and I admit that I don't understand, and I +don't see how I could reason it out." + +"God's children," she replied, "as all children, come to believe many +blessed truths without the aid of reason. It was not reason that +taught me my mother's love, and yet, now that I have children, it +seems very reasonable. I think I learned most from what she said to me +and did for me. If ever children were assured of love by their +Heavenly Father, we have been; if it is possible for a human soul to +be touched by loving, unselfish devotion, let him read the story of +Christ." + +"But, Mrs. Yocomb, I'm not one of the children." + +"Yes, thee is. The trouble with thee is that thee's ashamed, or at +least that thee won't acknowledge the relation, and be true to it." + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I cried in dismay, "I must either renounce +heathenism or go away from your influence," and I left precipitately. + +But in truth I was too far gone in human idolatry to think long upon +her words; they lodged in my memory, however, and I trust will never +lose their influence. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE OLD MEETING-HOUSE AGAIN + + +Reuben and I, with Dapple, skimmed along the country roads, and my +hope and spirits kindled, though I scarcely knew why. We were early at +the meeting-house, and, to my joy, I gained my old seat, in which I +had woven my June day-dream around the fair unknown Quakeress whose +face was now that of a loved sister. What ages, seemingly, had elapsed +since that fateful day! What infinite advances in life's experiences I +had made since I last sat there! How near I had come to the +experiences of another life! The fact made me grave and thoughtful. +And yet, if my fear and not my hope were realized, what a burden was +imposed upon me with the life that disease had spared! Had I even Mrs. +Yocomb's faith, I knew it would be a weight under which I would often +stagger and faint. + +Before very long the great family rockaway unloaded its precious +freight at the horse-block, and Adah and Miss Warren entered, followed +by the little girls. In secret wonder I saw Adah pause before the same +long, straight-backed bench or pew, and Miss Warren take the place +where I had first seen my "embodiment of June." Mrs. Yocomb went +quietly to her place on the high seat. + +"The spell continues to work, but with an important change," I +thought. + +In a few moments Mr. Yocomb marshalled in Mr. Hearn, and placed him in +the end of the pew next to Miss Warren on the men's side, so that they +might have the satisfaction of sitting together, as if at church. He +then looked around for me; but I shook my head, and would not go up +higher. + +Soon all the simple, plainly apparelled folk who would attend that day +were in their places, and the old deep hush that I so well remembered +settled down upon us. The sweet low monotone of the summer wind was +playing still among the maples. I do believe that it was the same old +bumblebee that darted in, still unable to overcome its irate wonder at +a people who could be so quiet and serene. The sunlight flickered in +here and there, and shadowy leaves moved noiselessly up and down the +whitewashed wall. Only the occasional song of a bird was wanting to +reproduce the former hour, but at this later season the birds seem +content with calls and chirpings, and in the July heat they were +almost as silent as we were. + +But how weak and fanciful my June day-dream now seemed. Then woman's +influence on my life was but a romantic sentiment. I had then conjured +up a pretty vista full of serene, quiet domestic joys, which were to +be a solace merely of my real life of toil and ambition. I had thought +myself launched on a shining tide that would bear me smoothly to a +quiet home anchorage; but almost the first word that Emily Warren +spoke broke the spell of my complacent, indolent dream, and I awoke to +the presence of an earnest, large-souled woman, who was my peer, and +in many respects my superior; whom, so far from being a mere household +pet, could be counsellor and friend, and a daily inspiration. Instead +of shrinking from the world with which I must grapple, she already +looked out upon its tangled and cruel problems with clear, +intelligent, courageous eyes; single-handed she had coped with it and +won from it a place and respect. And yet, with all her strength and +fearlessness, she had kept her woman's heart gentle and tender. Oh, +who could have better proof of this than I, who had seen her face +bending over the little unconscious Zillah, and who had heard her low +sob when she feared I might be dying. + +The two maidens sat side by side, and I was not good enough to think +of anything better or purer than they. Adah, with her face composed to +its meeting-house quiet, but softened and made more beautiful by +passing shades of thought; still it seemed almost as young and +childlike as that of Zillah. Miss Warren's profile was less round and +full, but it was more finely chiselled, and was luminous with mind. +The slightly higher forehead, the more delicately arched eyebrow, the +deeper setting of her dark, changing eyes, that were placed wide apart +beneath the overhanging brow, the short, thin, tremulous upper lip, +were all indications of the quick, informing spirit which made her +face like a transparency through which her thoughts could often be +guessed before spoken; and since they were good, noble, genial +thoughts, they enhanced her beauty. And yet it had occurred to me more +than once that if Miss Warren were a depraved woman she could give to +evil a deadly fascination. + +"Are her thoughts wandering like mine?" I mused. With kindling hope I +saw her face grow sad, and I even imagined that her pallor increased. +For a long time she looked quietly and fixedly before her, as did +Adah, and then she stole a shy, hesitating glance at Mr. Hearn by her +side; but the banker seemingly had found the silent meeting a trifle +dull, for his eyes were heavy, and all life and animation had faded +out of his full white face. Was it my imagination, or did she slightly +shrink from him? In an almost instantaneous flash she turned a little +more and glanced at me, and I was caught in the act of almost +breathless scrutiny. A sudden red flamed in her cheeks, but not a +Friend of them all was more motionless than she at once became. + +My conscience smote me. Though I watched for her happiness as truly as +my own, the old meeting-house should have been a sanctuary even from +the eyes of love. I knew from the expression of her face that she had +not liked it; nor did I blame her. + +I was glad to have the silence of the meeting broken; for a venerable +man rose slowly from the high seat and reverently enunciated the +words: + +"'The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. + +"'He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; He breaketh the +bow and cutteth the spear in sunder; He burneth the chariot in the +fire. + +"'Be still, and know that I am God.' + +"The quiet, reverent bowing of the heart to His will is often the most +acceptable worship that we can offer," he began, and if he had stopped +there the effect would have been perfect; but he began to talk and to +ramble. With a sense of deep disappointment I dreaded lest the hour +should pass and that Mrs. Yocomb would not speak; but as the old +gentleman sat down, that rapt look was on her face that I remembered +seeing on the night of the storm. She rose, took off her deep Quaker +bonnet, and laid it quietly on the seat beside her; but one saw that +she was not thinking of it or of anything except the truth which +filled her mind. + +Clasping her hands before her she looked steadfastly toward heaven for +a few moments, and then, in a low, sweet, penetrating monotone, +repeated the words: + +"'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world +giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let +it be afraid.'" + +She paused a moment, and I gazed in wonder at her serene, uplifted +face. She had spoken with such an utter absence of self-consciousness +or regard for externals as to give the strong impression that the +words had come again from heaven through her lips, and were endowed +with a new life and richer meaning; and now she seemed waiting for +whatever else might be given to her. + +Could that inspired woman, who now looked as if she might have stood +unabashed on the Mount of Transfiguration, be my genial, untiring +nurse, and the cheery matron of the farmhouse, whose deft hands had +made the sweet, light bread we had eaten this morning? I had long +loved her; but now, as I realized as never before the grand compass of +her womanly nature, I began to reverence her. A swift glance at Miss +Warren revealed that the text had awakened an interest so deep as to +suggest a great and present need, for the maiden was leaning slightly +toward the speaker and waiting with parted lips. + +"As I sat here," Mrs. Yocomb began, looking down upon us with a grave, +gentle aspect, "these words came to me as if spoken in my soul, and I +am constrained to repeat them unto you. I'm impressed with the truth +that peace is the chief need of the world--the chief need of every +human heart. Beyond success, beyond prosperity, beyond happiness, is +the need of peace--the deep, assured rest of the soul that is akin to +the eternal calmness of Him who spake these words. + +"The world at large is full of turmoil and trouble. The sounds of its +wretched disquietude reach me even in this quiet place and at this +quiet hour. I seem to hear the fierce uproar of battle; for while we +are turning our thoughts up to the God of peace, misguided men are +dealing death-blows to their fellow men. I hear cries of rage, I hear +the groans of the dying. But sadder than these bloody fields of open +strife are the dark places of cruelty. I hear the clank of the +prisoner's chain, and the crack of the slave-driver's whip. I see +desperate and despairing faces revealing tortured souls to whom the +light of each day brings more bitter wrongs, viler indignities, until +they are ready to curse God for the burden of life. Sadder still, I +hear the dark whisperings of those who would destroy the innocent and +cast down the simple. I hear the satanic laugh of such as are false to +sacred trusts and holy obligations, who ruthlessly as swine are +rending hearts that have given all the pearls they had. From that +sacred place, home, come to me hot words of strife, drunken, brutal +blows, and the wailing of helpless women and children. Saddest of all +earthly sounds, I hear the wild revelry of those who are not the +victims of evil in others, but who, while madly seeking happiness, are +blotting out all hope of happiness, and who are committing that crime +of crimes, the destruction of their own immortal souls. Did I say the +last was the saddest of earthly sounds? There comes to me another, at +which my heart sinks; it is the sound of proud arrogant voices, who +are explaining that faith is a delusion, that prayer is wasted breath, +that the God of the Bible is a dream of old-time mystics, and that +Christ died in vain. I hear the moan of Mary at the sepulchre repeated +from thousands of hearts, 'They have taken away my Lord.' O God, +forgive those who would blot out the dearest hope which has ever +sustained humanity. Can there be peace in a world wherein we can never +escape these sad, terrible, discordant sounds? The words that I have +repeated were spoken in just such a world when the din of evil was at +its worst, and to those who must soon suffer all the wrong that the +world could inflict." + +After a brief pause of silent waiting she continued: + +"But is the turmoil of the world a far-away sound, like the sullen +roar of angry waves beating on a shore that rises high and enduring, +securing us safety and rest? Beyond the deep disquietude of the world +at large is the deeper unrest of the human heart. No life can be so +secluded and sheltered but that anxieties, doubts, fears, and +foreboding will come with all their disturbing power. Often sorrows +more bitter than death are hidden by smiling faces, and in our quiet +country homes there are men and women carrying burdens that are +crushing out hope and life: mothers breaking their hearts over wayward +sons and daughters; wives desperate because the men who wooed them as +blushing maidens have forgotten their vows, and have become swinish +sots; men disheartened because the sweet-faced girls that they thought +would give them a home have become vile slatterns, busybodies, shrill- +tongued shrews, who banish the very thought of peace and rest, who +waste their substance and eat out their hearts with care. Oh, the +clouds of earth are not those which sweep across the sun, but those +which rise out of unhappy hearts and evil lives. These are the clouds +that gather over too many in a leaden pall, and it seems as if no +light could ever break through them. There are hearts to whom life +seems to promise one long, hopeless struggle to endure an incurable +pain. Can there be peace for such unhappy ones? To just such human +hearts were the words spoken, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give +unto you.'" + +Then came one of those little pauses that were quite as impressive as +the preceding words. Although my interest was almost breathless, I +involuntarily looked toward one whom I now associated with every +thought. + +"O God!" I exclaimed mentally, "can that be the aspect of a maiden +happy in her love and hope?" Her face had become almost white, and +across the pallor of her cheeks tear followed tear, as from a full and +bitter fountain. + +"Never, in all this evil world," the speaker resumed, "was there such +cruel, bitter mockery as these words would be if they were not true-- +if He who spake them had no right to speak them. And what right would +He have to speak them if He were merely a man among men--a part of the +world which never has and never can give peace to the troubled soul? +How do we know these words are true? How do we know He had a right to +speak them? Thank God! I know, because He has kept His word to me. +Thank God! Millions know, because He has proved His power to them. The +scourged, persecuted, crucified disciples found that He was with them +always, even unto the end. Oh, my friends, it is this living, loving, +spiritual Presence that uplifts and sustains the sinking heart when +the whole great world could only stand helplessly by. 'Not as the +world giveth, give I unto you.' Yes, thank thee, Lord, 'not as the +world.' In spite of the world and the worst it can do, in spite of our +evil and the worst it can do, in spite of our sorrows, our fears, our +pains and losses, our bitter disappointments, thou canst give peace; +thou hast given peace. No storm can harm the soul that rests on the +Rock of Ages, and by and by He will say to the storm, 'Peace, be +still,' and the light of heaven will come. Then there shall be no more +night. 'God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall +be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither shall there be +any more pain; for the former things are passed away.'" + +The light and gladness of that blessed future seemed to have come into +her sweet, womanly face. I looked out of the window to hide tears of +which I was fool enough to be ashamed. + +When she spoke again her voice was low and pitiful, and her face full +of the divinest sympathy. "Dear friends," she said, "it was not merely +peace that he promised, but his peace. 'My peace I give unto you.' +Remember, it was the man of sorrows who spoke; remember that he was +acquainted with grief; remember that years of toil and hardship were +behind him, and that Gethsemane and Calvary were before him; remember +that one would betray him, and that all would desert him. When he +spoke, the storm of the world's evil was breaking upon him more +cruelly and remorselessly than it ever has on any tempted soul. He +suffered more because more able to suffer. But beneath all was the +sacred calm of one who is right, and who means to do right to the end, +cost what it may. The peace that he promises is not immunity from pain +or loss, or the gratification of the heart's earthly desires. His +natural and earthly desires were not gratified; often ours cannot be. +His peace came from self-denial for the good of others, from the +consciousness that he was doing his Father's will, and from the +assurance that good would come out of the seeming evil. Suffer he +must, because he was human, and in a world of suffering; but he chose +to suffer that we might know that he understands us, and sympathizes +with us when we suffer. To each and to all he can say, I was tempted +in all points like unto thee. When we wander he goes out after us; +when we fall he lifts us up; when we faint he takes us in his arms and +carries us on his bosom. O great heart of love! thy patience never +tires, never wearies. Thou canst make good to us every earthly loss; +thy touch can heal every wound of the soul. Even though life be one +long martyrdom, yet through thy Presence it may be a blessed life, +full of peace. + +"Because our Lord was a man of sorrows, was he in love with sorrows? +or does he love to see storms gathering around his people? No. It was +not with _his_ sorrows, but with _our_ sorrows, that he was afflicted. +He so loved the world that he could not be glad when we were sad. It +is said that there is no record that Jesus ever smiled; but those +little children whom he took in his arms and blessed know that he +smiled. I doubt whether he ever saw a flower but that, no matter how +weary from the hot day's long journey, he smiled back upon it. The +flowers are but his smiles, and the world is full of them. Still he is +naturally and very justly associated with sorrow; for when on earth he +sought out those in trouble, and the distressed and the suffering soon +learned to fly to him. What was the result? Were the shadows deepened? +Was the suffering prolonged? Let the sisters of Bethany answer you; +let the widow of Nain answer you. Let the great host of the lame, +blind, diseased, and leprous answer. Look into the gentle, serene eyes +of Mary Magdalene, once so desperate and clouded by evil, and then +know whether he brings sorrow or joy to the world. Just as the sun +follows the night that it may bring the day, so the Sun of +Righteousness seeks out all that is dark in our lives that he +may shine it away. Gladness, then, should be the rule of our lives. +Nothing to him is so pleasing as gladness, if it comes from the heart +of pilgrims truly homeward bound; but if sorrow comes, oh, turn not to +the world, for the best thing in it can give no peace, no rest. Simply +do right, and leave the results with him who said, even under the +shadow of his cross, 'My peace I give unto you.' Accept this message, +dear friends, and 'Let not your hearts be troubled, and neither let +them be afraid.'" And she sat down quietly and closed her eyes. + +There was here and there a low sob from the women, and the eyes of +some of the most rugged-featured men were moist. The hush that +followed was broken by deep and frequent sighs. Mr. Yocomb sat with +his face lifted heavenward, and I knew it was serene and thankful. The +eyes of Reuben, who was beside me, rested on his mother in simple, +loving devotion. As yet she was his religion. Adah was looking a +little wonderingly but sympathetically at Miss Warren, whose bowed +head and fallen veil could not hide her deep emotion. The banker, too, +looked at her even more wonderingly. At last the most venerable man on +the high seat gave his hand to another white-haired Friend beside him, +and the congregation began slowly and quietly to disperse. + +"Come, Reuben," I said, in a whisper, "let us get away, quick." + +He looked at me in surprise, but in a few moments the old meeting- +house was hidden behind us among the trees. Dapple's feet scarcely +touched the ground; but I sat silent, absorbed, and almost +overwhelmed. + +"Didn't--didn't thee like what mother said?" Reuben asked, after a +while, a little hurt. + +I felt at once that he misunderstood my silence, and I put my arm +around his neck as I said, "Reuben, love and honor your mother the +longest day you live. She is one among a million. 'Liked!' It mattered +little whether I liked it or not; she made it seem God's own truth." + +"And to think, Richard, that if it hadn't been for thee--" + +"Hush, Reuben. To think rather that she waited on me for days and +nights together. Well, I could turn Catholic and worship one saint." + +"I'm glad she's only mother," said the boy, with a low laugh; "and, +Richard, she likes me to have a good time as much as I do myself. She +always made me mind, but she's been jolly good to me. Oh, I love her; +don't thee worry about that." + +"Well, whatever happens," I said, with a deep breath, "I thank God for +the day that brought me to her home." + +"So do I," said the boy; "so do we all; but confound Emily Warren's +grandfather! I don't take to him. He thinks we're wonderfully simple +folks, just about good enough to board him and that black-eyed witch +of his. I do kind of like her a little bit, she's so saucy-like +sometimes. One day she commenced ordering me around, and I stood and +stared at the little miss in a way that she won't forget." + +"She'll learn to coax by and by, and then you'll do anything for her, +Reuben." + +"P'raps," he said, with a half smile on his ruddy face. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +LOVE TEACHING ETHICS + + +On reaching the farmhouse I went directly to my room, and I wished +that I might stay there the rest of the day; but I was soon summoned +to dinner. In Miss Warren's eyes still lingered the evidences of her +deep feeling, but her expression was quiet, firm, and resolute. The +effect of the sermon upon her was just what I anticipated in case my +hope had any foundation--it had bound her by what seemed the strongest +of motives to be faithful to the man who she believed had the right to +her fealty. + +"Well," I thought bitterly, "life might have brought her a heavier +cross than marrying a handsome millionaire, even though considerably +her senior. I'm probably a conceited fool for thinking it any very +great burden at all. But how, then, can I account--? Well, well, time +alone can unravel this snarl. One thing is certain: she will do +nothing that she does not believe right; and after what Mrs. Yocomb +said I would not dare to wish her to do wrong." + +Mrs. Yocomb did not come down to dinner, and the meal was a quiet one. +Mr. Yocomb's eyes glistened with a serene, happy light, but he ate +sparingly, and spoke in subdued tones. He reminded me of the quaint +old scripture--"A man's wisdom maketh his face to shine." Whatever +might be said against his philosophy, it produced good cheer and +peace. Adah, too, was very quiet; but occasionally she glanced toward +Miss Warren as if perplexed and somewhat troubled. Mr. Hearn seemed +wrought up into quite a religious fervor. He was demonstratively +tender and sympathetic toward the girl at his side, and waited on her +with the effusive manner of one whose feelings must have some outlet. +His appetite, however, did not flag, and I thought he seemed to enjoy +his emotions and his dinner equally. + +"Mr. Morton," he said impressively, "you must have liked that sermon +exceedingly." + +"Indeed, sir," I replied briefly, "I have scarcely thought whether I +liked it or not." + +Both he and Miss Warren looked at me in surprise; indeed all did +except Reuben. + +"I beg your pardon, but I thought Mrs. Yocomb expressed herself +admirably," he said, with somewhat of the air of championship. + +"She certainly expressed herself clearly. The trouble with me is that +the sermon is just what Mrs. Yocomb would call it--a message--and one +scarcely knows how to dodge it. I never had such a spiritual blow +between the eyes before, and think I'm a little stunned yet." + +A smile lighted up Miss Warren's face. "Mrs. Yocomb would like your +tribute to her sermon, I think," she said. + +"What most bewilders me," I resumed, "is to think how Mrs. Yocomb has +been waiting on me and taking care of me. I now feel like the peasant +who was taken in and cared for by the royal family." + +"I think our friend Mr. Morton is in what may be termed 'a frame of +mind,'" said Mr. Hearn a little satirically. + +"Yes, sir, I am," I replied emphatically. "I believe that adequate +causes should have some effects. It does not follow, however, that my +frame of mind is satisfactory to any one, least of all to Mrs. +Yocomb." + +"Your contact with the truth," said Mr. Hearn, laughing, "is somewhat +like many people's first experience of the ocean--you are much stirred +up, but have not yet reached the point of yielding to the mysterious +malady." + +I was disgusted, and was about to reply with a sarcastic compliment +upon the elegance of his illustration, when a look of pain upon Miss +Warren's face checked me, and I said nothing. Lack of delicacy was one +of Mr. Hearn's gravest faults. While courtly, polished, and refined in +externals, he lacked in tact and nicety of discrimination. He often +said things which a finer-fibred but much worse man would never have +said. He had an abundance of intellect, great shrewdness, vast will +force, and organizing power, but not much ideality or imagination. +This lack rendered him incapable of putting himself in the place of +another, and of appreciating their feelings, moods, and motives. The +most revolting thought to me of his union with Miss Warren was that he +would never appreciate her. He greatly admired and respected her, but +his spiritual eyes were too dim to note the exquisite bloom on her +character, or to detect the evanescent lights and shades of thought +and feeling of which to me her mobile face gave so many hints. He +would expect her to be like the July days now passing--warm, bright, +cloudless, and in keeping with his general prosperity. + +"They will disappoint each other inevitably," I thought, "and it's +strange that her clear eyes cannot see it when mine can. It is perhaps +the strongest evidence of her love for him, since love is blind. Still +she may love and yet be able to see his foibles and failings clearly; +thousands of women do this. But whether the silken cord of love or the +chain of supposed duty binds her to him now, I fear that Mrs. Yocomb's +sermon has made her his for all time." + +Her manner confirmed my surmise, for she apparently gave me little +thought, and was unobtrusively attentive and devoted to him. He had +the good taste to see that further personal remarks were not +agreeable; and since his last attempted witticism fell flat, did not +attempt any more. Our table-talk flagged, and we hastened through the +meal. After it was over he asked: + +"Emily, what shall we do this afternoon?" + +"Anything you wish," she replied quietly. + +"That's the way it will always be," I muttered as I went dejectedly to +my room. "Through all his life it has been 'anything you wish,' and +now it would seem as if religion itself had become his ally. There is +nothing to me so wonderful as some men's fortune. Earth and heaven +seem in league to forward their interests. But why was she so moved at +the meeting-house? Was it merely religious sensibility? It might have +been we were all moved deeply. Was it my imagination, or did she +really shrink from him, and then glance guiltily at me? Even if she +had, it might have been a momentary repulsion caused by his drowsy, +heavy aspect at the time, just as his remark at dinner gave her an +unpleasant twinge. These little back eddies are no proof that there is +not a strong central current. + +"Can it be that she was sorrowful in the meeting-house for my sake +only? I've had strong proof of her wonderful kindness of heart. Well, +God bless her anyway. I'll wait and watch till I know the truth. I +suppose I'm the worst heathen Mrs. Yocomb ever preached to, but I'm +going to secure Emily Warren's happiness at any cost. If she truly +loves this man, I'll go away and fight it out so sturdily that she +need not worry. That's what her sermon means for me. I'm not going to +pump up any religious sentiment. I don't feel any. It's like walking +into a bare room to have a turn with a thumb-screw; but Mrs. Yocomb +has hedged me up to just this course. Oh, the gentle, inexorable +woman! Satan himself might well tremble before her. There is but one +that I fear more, and that's the woman I love most. Gentle, tender- +hearted as she is, she is more inexorable than Mrs. Yocomb. It's a +little strange, but I doubt whether there is anything in the universe +that so inspires a man with awe as a thoroughly good, large-minded +woman." + +I could not sleep that afternoon, and at last I became so weary of the +conflict between my hope and fear that I was glad to hear Miss Warren +at the piano, playing softly some old English hymns. The day was +growing cool and shadowy, but I hoped that before it passed I might +get a chance to say something to her which would give a different +aspect to the concluding words of Mrs. Yocomb's sermon. I had +determined no longer to avoid her society, but rather to seek it, +whenever I could in the presence of others, and especially of her +affianced. They had returned from a long afternoon in the arbor, which +I knew must occasion Miss Warren some unpleasant thoughts, and the +banker was sitting on the piazza chatting with Adah. + +I strolled into the parlor with as easy and natural a manner as I +could assume, and taking my old seat by the window, said quietly: +"Please go on playing, Miss Warren." + +She turned on me one of her swift looks, which always gave me the +impression that she saw all that was in my mind. Her color rose a +little, but she continued playing for a time. Then with her right hand +evoking low, sweet chords, she asked, with a conciliatory smile: + +"Have you been thinking over Mrs. Yocomb's words this afternoon?" + +"Not all the time--no. Have you?" + +"How could I all the time?" + +"Oh, I think you can do anything under heaven you make up your mind to +do," I said, with a slight laugh. The look she gave now was a little +apprehensive, and I added hastily: "I've had one thought that I don't +mind telling you, for I think it may be a pleasant one, though it must +recall that which is painful. The thought occurred to me when Mrs. +Yocomb was speaking, and since, that your brother had perfect peace as +he stood in that line of battle." + +She turned eagerly toward me, and tears rushed into her eyes. + +"You may be right," she said, in a low, tremulous tone. + +"Well, I feel sure I'm right. I know it, if he was anything like you." + +"Oh, then I doubt it. I'm not at all brave as he was. You ought to +know that." + +"You have the courage that a veteran general most values in a soldier. +You might be half dead from terror, but you wouldn't run away. +Besides," I added, smiling, "you would not be afraid of shot and +shell, only the noise of a battle. In this respect your brother, no +doubt, differed from you. In the grand consciousness of right, and in +his faithful performance of duty, I believe his face was as serene as +the aspect of Mr. Yocomb when he looked at the coming storm. As far as +peace is concerned, his heaven began on earth. I envy him." + +"Mr. Morton, I thank you for these words about my brother," she said +very gently, and with a little pathetic quaver in her voice. "They +have given me a comforting association with that awful day. Oh, I +thank God for the thought. Remembering what Mrs. Yocomb said, it +reconciles me to it all, as I never thought I could be reconciled. If +Herbert believed that it was his duty to be there, it was best he +should be there. How strange it is that you should think of this +first, and not I!" + +"Will you pardon me if I take exception to one thing you say? I do not +think it follows that he ought to have been there simply because he +felt it right to be there." + +"Why, Mr. Morton! ought one not to do right at any and every cost? +That seemed to me the very pith of Mrs. Yocomb's teaching, and I think +she made it clear that it's always best to do right." + +"I think so too, most emphatically; but what is right, Miss Warren?" + +"That's too large a question for me to answer in the abstract; but is +not the verdict of conscience right for each one of us?" + +"I can't think so," I replied, with a shrug. "About every grotesque, +horrible act ever committed in this world has been sanctioned by +conscience. Delicate women have worn hair-cloth and walked barefooted +on cold pavements in midnight penance. The devil is scarcely more +cruel than the Church, for ages, taught that God was. It's true that +Christ's life was one of self-sacrifice; but was there any useless, +mistaken self-sacrifice in it? If God is anything like Mrs. Yocomb, +nothing could be more repugnant to him than blunders of this kind." + +She looked at me with a startled face, and I saw that my words had +unsettled her mind. + +"If conscience cannot guide, what can?" she faltered. "Is not +conscience God's voice within us?" + +"No. Conscience may become God's worst enemy--that is, any God that I +could worship or even respect." + +"Mr. Morton, you frighten me. How can I do right unless I follow my +conscience?" + +"Yes," I said sadly, "you would, in the good old times, have followed +it over stony pavements, in midnight penance, or now into any thorny +path which it pointed out; and I believe that many such paths lead +away from the God of whom Mrs. Yocomb spoke to-day. Miss Warren, I'm a +man of the world, and probably you think my views on these subjects +are not worth much. It's strange that your own nature does not suggest +to you the only sure guide. It seems to me that conscience should +always go to truth for instructions. The men who killed your brother +thought they were right as truly as he did; but history will prove +that they were wrong, as so many sincere people have been in every +age. He did not suffer and die uselessly, for the truth was beneath +his feet and in his heart." + +"Dear, brave, noble Herbert!" she sighed. "Oh, that God had spared him +to me!" + +"I wish he had," I said, with quiet emphasis. "I wish he was with you +here and now." + +Again she gave me a questioning, troubled look through her tears. + +"Then you believe truth to be absolutely binding?" she asked, in a low +voice. + +"Yes. In science, religion, ethics, or human action, nothing can last +--nothing can end well that is not built squarely on truth." + +She became very pale; but she turned quietly to her piano as she said: + +"You are right, Mr. Morton; there can be no peace--not even self- +respect--without truth. My nature would be pitiful indeed did it not +teach me that." + +She had interpreted my words in a way that intensified the influence +of Mrs. Yocomb's sermon. To be false to the trust that she had led her +affianced to repose in her still seemed the depth of degradation. I +feared that she would take this view at first, but believed, if my +hope had any foundation, she would think my words over so often that +she would discover a different meaning. + +And my hope was strengthened. If she loved Mr. Hearn, why did she +turn, pale and quiet, to her piano, which had always appeared a refuge +to her, when I had seemingly spoken words that not only sanctioned but +made the course which harmonized with her love imperative? Even the +possibility that in the long days and nights of my delirium I had +unconsciously wooed and won her heart, so thrilled and overcame me +that I dared not trust myself longer in her presence, and I went out +on the piazza--a course eminently satisfactory to Mr. Hearn, no doubt. +I think he regarded our interview as becoming somewhat extended. He +had glanced at me from time to time, but my manner had been too quiet +to disturb him, and he could not see Miss Warren's face. The words he +overheard suggested a theological discussion rather than anything of a +personal nature. It had been very reassuring to see Miss Warren turn +from me as if my words had ceased to interest her, and my coming out +to talk with Adah confirmed the impression made by my manner all +along, that we were not very congenial spirits. It also occurred to me +that he did not find chatting with Adah a very heavy cross, for never +had she looked prettier than on that summer evening. But now that Miss +Warren was alone he went in and sat down by her, saying so loudly that +I could not help hearing him, as I stood by the window: + +"I think you must have worsted Mr. Morton in your theological +discussion, for he came out looking as if he had a great deal to think +about that was not exactly to his taste; but Miss Adah will--" and +then his companion began playing something that drowned his voice. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +"DON'T THINK OF ME" + + +Mrs. Yocomb appeared at supper, serene and cheerful; but she was paler +than usual, and she still looked like one who had but just descended +from a lofty spiritual height. No reference whatever was made to the +morning. Mrs. Yocomb no longer spoke on religious themes directly, but +she seemed to me the Gospel embodied, as with natural kindly grace she +presided at her home table. Her husband beamed on her, and looked as +if his cup was overflowing. Reuben's frank, boyish eyes often turned +toward her in their simple devotion, while Zillah, who sat next to +her, had many a whispered confidence to give. Adah's accent was gentle +and her manner thoughtful. Miss Warren looked at her from time to time +with a strange wistfulness--looked as if the matron possessed a +serenity and peace that she coveted. + +"Emily," said Mr. Yocomb, "thee doesn't think music's wicked, does +thee?" + +"No, sir, nor do you either." + +"What does thee think of that, mother?" + +"I think Emily converted thee over to her side before she had been +here two days." + +"Thee's winked very hard at my apostasy, mother. I'm inclined to think +thee was converted too, on the third or fourth day, if thee'd own up." + +"No," said Mrs. Yocomb, with a smile at her favorite, "Emily won my +heart on the first day, and I accepted piano and all." + +"Why, Mrs. Yocomb!" I exclaimed--for I could not forego the chance to +vindicate myself--"I never considered you a precipitate, ill-balanced +person." + +Miss Warren's cheeks were scarlet, and I saw that she understood me +well. I think Mrs. Yocomb guessed my meaning, too, for her smile was a +little peculiar as she remarked demurely, "Women are different from +men: they know almost immediately whether they like a person or not. I +liked thee in half a day." + +"You like sinners on principle, Mrs. Yocomb. I think it was my general +depravity and heathenism that won your regard." + +"No, as a woman I liked thee. Thee isn't as bad as thee seems." + +"Mr. Yocomb, I hope you don't object to this, for I must assure you +most emphatically that I don't." + +"Mother's welcome to love thee all she pleases," said the old +gentleman, laughing. "Indeed, I think I egg her on to it." + +"Good friends," said Miss Warren, with her old mirthful look, "you'll +turn Mr. Morton's head; you should be more considerate." + +"I am indeed bewildered. Miss Warren's keen eyes have detected my weak +point." + +"A man with so stout a heart," Mr. Hearn began, "could well afford--" +and then he hesitated. + +"To be weak-headed," I said, finishing his sentence. "I fear you are +mistaken, sir. I can't afford it at all." + +"Thee was clear-headed enough to get around mother in half an hour," +said the old gentleman again, laughing heartily. "It took me several +months." + +"Thee was a little blind, father. I wasn't going to let thee see how +much I thought of thee till I had kept thee waiting a proper time." + +"That's rich!" I cried, and I laughed as I had not since my illness. +"How long is a proper time, Mrs. Yocomb? I remember being once told +that a woman was a mystery that a man could never solve. I fear it's +true." + +"Who told you that?" asked Mr. Hearn; for I think he noticed my swift +glance at Miss Warren, who looked a little conscious. + +"As I think of it, I may have read it in a newspaper," I said +demurely. + +"I'm not flattered by your poor memory, Mr. Morton," remarked Miss +Warren quietly. "I told you that myself when you were so mystified by +my fearlessness of Dapple and my fear of the cow." + +"I've learned that my memory is sadly treacherous, Miss Warren." + +"A man who is treacherous only in memory may well be taken as a +model," remarked Mr. Hearn benignly. + +"Would you say that of one who forgot to pay you his debts?" + +"What do you owe me, Mr. Morton?" + +"I'm sure I don't know. Good-will, I suppose Mrs. Yocomb would +suggest." + +"Well, sir, I feel that I owe you a great deal; perhaps more than I +realize, as I recall your promptness on that memorable night of the +storm." + +"I was prompt--I'll admit that," I said grimly, looking at the +ceiling. + +"Mr. Yocomb, how long would it have taken the house to burn up if the +fire had not been extinguished?" Mr. Hearn asked. + +"The interior," replied Mr. Yocomb very gravely, "would all have been +in flames in a very few moments, for it's old and dry." + +"Ugh!" exclaimed Adah, shudderingly. "Richard--" + +I put my finger on my lips. "Miss Adah," I interrupted, "I'd rather be +struck by lightning than hear any more about that night." + +"Yes," said Miss Warren desperately, "I wish I could forget that night +forever." + +"I never wish to forget the expression on your face, Miss Warren, when +we knew Zillah was alive. If that didn't please God, nothing in this +world ever did." + +"Oh, hush!" she cried. + +"Emily, I think you cannot have told me all that happened." + +"I can't think of it any more," she said; and her face was full of +trouble. "I certainly don't know, and have never thought how I +looked." + +"Mr. Morton seems to have been cool enough to have been very +observant," said the banker keenly. + +"I was wet enough to be cool, sir. Miss Warren said I was not fit to +be seen, and the doctor bundled me out of the room, fearing I would +frighten Zillah into hysterics. Hey, Zillah! what do you think of +that?" + +"I think the doctor was silly. I wouldn't be afraid of thee any more +than of Emily." + +"Please let us talk and think of something else," Miss Warren pleaded. + +"I don't want to forget what I owe to Richard," said Reuben a little +indignantly. I trod on his foot under the table. "Thee needn't try to +stop me, Richard Morton," continued the boy passionately. "I couldn't +have got mother out alone, and I'd never left her. Where would we be, +Emily Warren, if it hadn't been for Richard?" + +"In heaven," I said, laughing, for I was determined to prevent a +scene. + +"Well, I hope so," Reuben muttered; "but I don't mind being in +mother's dining-room." + +Even Mrs. Yocomb's gravity gave way at this speech. + +As we rose from the table, Zillah asked innocently: + +"Emily, is thee crying or laughing?" + +"I hardly know myself," she faltered, and went hastily to her room; +but she soon came down again, looking very resolute. + +"Emily," said Mr. Yocomb, "since thee and mother doesn't think music's +wicked, I have a wonderful desire to hear thee sing again, 'Tell me +the Old, Old Story,' as thee did on the night of the storm." + +In spite of her brave eyes and braver will, her lip trembled. + +I was cruel enough to add, "And I would be glad to listen to the +Twelfth Nocturne once more." + +For some reason she gave me a swift glance full of reproach. + +"I will listen to anything," I said quickly. + +Mr. Hearn looked a little like a man who feared that there might be +subterranean fires beneath his feet. + +"I will not promise more than to be chorister to-night," she said, +sitting down to the piano with her back toward us. "Let us have +familiar hymns that all can sing. Miss Adah has a sweet voice, and Mr. +Morton, no doubt, is hiding his talent in a napkin. There's a book for +you, sir. I'm sorry it doesn't contain the music." + +"It doesn't matter," I said; "I'm equally familiar with Choctaw." + +"Adela and Zillah, you come and stand by me. Your little voices are +like the birds'." + +We all gathered in the old parlor, and spent an hour that I shall +never forget. I had a tolerable tenor, and an ear made fairly correct +by hearing much music. Mr. Hearn did not sing, but he seemingly +entered into the spirit of the occasion. Before very long Miss Warren +and I were singing some things together. Mr. Hearn no doubt compared +our efforts unfavorably with what he had heard in the city, but the +simple people of the farmhouse were much pleased, and repeatedly asked +us to continue. As I was leaning over Miss Warren's shoulder, finding +a place in the hymn-book on the stand, she breathed softly: + +"Have you told them you are going to-morrow?" + +"No," I replied. + +"Can you leave such friends?" + +"Yes." + +"You ought not. It would hurt them cruelly;" and she made some runs on +the piano to hide her words. + +"If _you_ say I ought not to go, I'll stay--Ah, this is the one I +was looking for," I said, in a matter-of-fact tone; but she played the +music with some strange slips and errors; her hands were nervous and +trembling, and never was the frightened look that I had seen before +more distinctly visible. + +After we had sung a stanza or two she rose and said, "I think I'm +getting a little tired, and the room seems warm. Wouldn't you like to +take a walk?" she asked Mr. Hearn, coming over to his side. + +He arose with alacrity, and they passed out together. I did not see +her again that night. + +The next morning, finding me alone for a moment, she approached, +hesitatingly, and said: + +"I don't think I ought to judge for you." + +"Do you wish me to go?" I asked, sadly, interpreting her thought. + +She became very pale, and turned away as she replied, "Perhaps you had +better. I think you would rather go." + +"No, I'd rather stay; but I'll do as you wish." + +She did not reply, and went quickly to her piano. + +I turned and entered the dining-room where Mrs. Yocomb and Adah were +clearing away the breakfast. Mr. Yocomb was writing in his little +office adjoining. + +"I think it is time I said good-by and went back to New York." + +In the outcry that followed, Miss Warren's piano became silent. + +"Richard Morton!" Mrs. Yocomb began almost indignantly, "if thee +hasn't any regard for thyself, thee should have some for thy friends. +Thee isn't fit to leave home, and this is thy home now. Thee doesn't +call thy hot rooms in New York home, so I don't see as thee has got +any other. Just so sure as thee goes back to New York now, thee'll be +sick again. I won't hear to it. Thee's just beginning to improve a +little." + +Adah looked at me through reproachful tears, but she did not say +anything. Mr. Yocomb dropped his pen and came out, looking quite +excited: + +"I'll send for Doctor Bates and have him lay his commands on thee," he +said. "I won't take thee to the depot, and thee isn't able to walk +half way there. Here, Emily, come and talk reason to this crazy man. +He says he's going back to New York. He ought to be put in a strait- +jacket. Doesn't thee think so?" + +Her laugh was anything but simple and natural. + +As she said "I do indeed," Mr. Hearn had joined her. + +"What would thee do in such an extreme case of mental disorder?" + +"Treat him as they did in the good old times: get a chain and lock him +up on bread and water." + +"Would thee then enjoy thy dinner?" + +"That wouldn't matter if he were cured." + +"I think Mr. Morton would prefer hot New York to the remedies that +Emily prescribes," said Mr. Hearn, with his smiling face full of +vigilance. + +"Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, putting both her hands on my arm, "I +should feel more hurt than I can tell thee if thee leaves us now." + +"Why, Mrs. Yocomb! I didn't think you would care so much." + +"Then thee's very blind, Richard. I didn't think thee'd say that." + +"You cut deep now; suppose I must go?" + +"Why must thee go, just as thee is beginning to gain? Thee is as pale +as a ghost this minute, and thee doesn't weigh much more than half as +much as I do. Still, we don't want to put an unwelcome constraint on +thee." + +I took her hand in both of mine as I said earnestly, "God forbid that +I should ever escape from any constraint that you put upon me. Well, I +won't go to-day, and I'll see what word my mail brings me." And I went +up to my room, not trusting myself to glance at the real controller of +my action, but hoping that something would occur which would make my +course clear. As I came out of my room to go down to dinner, Miss +Warren intercepted me, saying eagerly: + +"Mr. Morton, don't go. If you should be ill again in New York, as Mrs. +Yocomb says--" + +"I won't be ill again." + +"Please don't go," she entreated. "I--I shouldn't have said what I +did. You _would_ be ill; Mrs. Yocomb would never forgive me." + +"Miss Warren, I will do what you wish." + +"I wish what is best for you--only that." + +"I fear I cloud your happiness. You are too kind-hearted." + +She smiled a little bitterly. "Please stay--don't think of me." + +"Again, I repeat, you are too kind-hearted. Never imagine that I can +be happy if you are not;" and I looked at her keenly, but she turned +away instantly, saying: + +"Well, then, I'll be very happy, and will test you," and she returned +to her room. + +"Mrs. Yocomb," I said quietly at the dinner-table, "I've written to +the office saying that my friends do not think I'm well enough to +return yet, and asking to have my leave extended." + +She beamed upon me as she replied: + +"Now thee's sensible." + +"For once," I added. + +"I expect to see thee clothed and in thy right mind yet," she said, +with a little reassuring nod. + +"Your hopeful disposition is contagious," I replied, laughing. + +"I'd like to see thee get to the depot till we're ready to let thee +go," said Reuben, emphatically. + +"Yes," added Mr. Yocomb, with his genuine laugh, "Reuben and I are in +league against thee." + +"You look like two dark, muttering conspirators," I responded. + +"And to think thee was going away without asking me!" Zillah put in, +shaking her bright curls at me. + +"Well, you all have made this home to me, true enough. The best part +of me will be left here when I do go." + +At these words Adah gave me a shy, blushing smile. + +"Mr. Morton, will you please pass me the vinegar?" said Miss Warren, +in the most matter-of-fact tone. + +"Wouldn't you prefer the sugar?" I asked. + +"No; I much prefer the vinegar." + +Mr. Hearn also smiled approvingly. + +"Don't be too sure of your prey," I said, mentally. "If she's not +yours at heart--which I doubt more than ever--you shall never have +her." But she puzzled me for a day or two. If she were not happy she +simulated happiness, and made my poor acting a flimsy pretence in +contrast. She and the banker took long rides together, and she was +always exceedingly cheerful on her return--a little too much so, I +tried to think. She ignored the past as completely as possible, and +while her manner was kind to me she had regained her old-time delicate +brusqueness, and rarely lost a chance to give me a friendly fillip. +Indeed I had never known her to be so brilliant, and her spirits +seemed unflagging. Mr. Yocomb was delighted and in his large appetite +for fun applauded and joined in every phase of our home gayety. There +was too much hilarity for me, and my hope failed steadily. + +"Now that her conscience is clear in regard to me--now that I have +remained in the country, and am getting well--her spirits have come up +with a bound," I reasoned moodily. I began to resume my old tactics of +keeping out of the way and of taking long rambles; but I tried to be +cheerfulness itself in her presence. + +On Wednesday Miss Warren came down to breakfast in a breezy, airy way, +and, scarcely speaking to me as I stood in the doorway, she flitted +out, and was soon romping with Zillah and Adela. As she returned, +flushed and panting, I said, with a smile: + +"You are indeed happy. I congratulate you. I believe I've never had +the honor of doing that yet." + +"But you said that you would be happy also?" + +"Am I not?" + +"No." + +"Well, it doesn't matter since you are." + +"Oh, then, I'm no longer kind-hearted. You take Reuben's view, that +I'm a heartless monster. He scarcely speaks to me any more. You think +I propose to be happy now under all circumstances." + +"I wish you would be; I hope you may be. What's the use of my acting +my poor little farce any longer? I don't deceive you a mite. But I'm +not going to mope and pine, Miss Warren. Don't think of me so poorly +as that. I'm not the first man who has had to face this thing. I'm +going back to work, and I am going next Monday, surely." + +"I've no doubt of it," she said, with sudden bitterness, "and you'll +get over it bravely, very bravely;" and she started off toward the +barn, where Reuben was exercising Dapple, holding him with a long +rope. The horse seemed wild with life and spirit, and did I not know +that the beautiful creature had not a vicious trait I should have +feared for the boy. Just at this moment, Dapple in his play slipped +off his headstall and was soon careering around the dooryard in the +mad glee of freedom. In vain Reuben tried to catch him; for the +capricious beast would allow him to come almost within grasp, and then +would bound away. Miss Warren stood under a tree laughing till the boy +was hot and angry. Then she cried: + +"I'll catch him for you, Reuben." + +I uttered a loud shout of alarm as she darted out before the galloping +horse and threw up her arms. + +Dapple stopped instantly; in another second she had her arm around his +arched neck and was stroking his quivering nostrils. Her poise was +full of grace and power; her eyes were shining with excitement and +triumph, and, to make her mastery seem more complete, she leaned her +face against his nose. + +Dapple looked down at her in a sort of mild wonder, and was as meek as +a lamb. + +"There, Reuben, come and take him," she said to the boy, who stared at +her with his mouth open. + +"Emily Warren, I don't know what to make of thee," he exclaimed. + +Never before had I so felt my unutterable loss, and I said to her +almost savagely, in a low tone, as she approached: + +"Is that the means you take to cure me--doing the bravest thing I ever +saw a woman do, and looking like a goddess? I was an unspeakable fool +for staying." + +Her head drooped, and she walked dejectedly toward the house, not +seeming to think of or care for the exclamations and expostulations +which greeted her. + +"Why, Emily, were you mad?" cried Mr. Hearn above the rest; and now +that the careering horse was being led away he hastened down to meet +her. + +"No, I'm tired, and want a cup of coffee," I heard her say, and then I +followed Reuben to the barn. + +"She's cut me out with Dapple," said the boy, with a crestfallen air. + +Already I repented of my harshness, into which I had been led by the +sharpest stress of feeling, and was eager to make amends. Since the +night of the storm honest Reuben had given me his unwavering loyalty. +Still less than Adah was he inclined or able to look beneath the +surface of things, and he had gained the impression from Miss Warren's +words that she was inclined to make light of their danger on that +occasion, and to laugh at me generally. In his sturdy championship in +my behalf he had been growing cold and brusque toward one whom he now +associated with the wealthy middle-aged banker, and city style +generally. Reuben was a genuine country lad, and was instinctively +hostile to Fifth Avenue. While Mr. Hearn was polite to his father and +mother, he quite naturally laid more stress on their business +relations than on those of friendship, and was not slow in asking for +what he wanted, and his luxurious tastes led him to require a good +deal. Reuben had seen his mother worried and his father inconvenienced +not a little. They made no complaint, and had no cause for any, for +the banker paid his way liberally. But the boy had not reached the age +when the financial phase of the question was appreciated, and his +prejudice was not unnatural, for unconsciously, especially at first, +Mr. Hearn had treated them all as inferiors. He now was learning to +know them better, however. There was nothing plebeian in Adah's +beauty, and he would have been untrue to himself had he not admired +her very greatly. + +It was my wish to lead the boy to overcome his prejudice against Miss +Warren, so I said: + +"You are mistaken, Reuben; Dapple is just as fond of you as ever. It +was only playfulness that made him cut up so; but, Reuben, Dapple is a +very sensible horse, and when he saw a girl that was brave enough to +stand right out before him when it seemed that he must run over her, +he respected and liked such a girl at once. It was the bravest thing I +ever saw. Any other horse would have trampled on her, but Dapple has +the nature of a gentleman. So have you, Reuben, and I know you will go +and speak handsomely to her. I know you will speak to her as Dapple +would could he speak. By Jove! it was splendid, and you are man enough +to know it was." + +"Yes, Richard, it was. I know that as well as thee. There isn't a girl +in the county that would have dared to do it, and very few men. And to +think she's a city girl! To tell the truth, Emily Warren is all the +time making game of thee, and that's why I'm mad at her." + +"I don't think you understand her. I don't mind it, because she never +means anything ill-natured; and then she loves your mother almost as +much as you do. I give you my word, Reuben, Miss Warren and I are the +best of friends, and you need not feel as you do, because I don't." + +"Oh, well, if thee puts it that way, I'll treat her different. I tell +thee what it is, Richard, I'm one that sticks to my friends through +thick and thin." + +"Well, you can't do anything so friendly to me as to make everything +pleasant for Miss Warren. How is her favorite, Old Plod?" I asked, +following him into the barn. + +"Old Plod be hanged! She hasn't been near him in two weeks." + +"What!" I exclaimed exultantly. + +"What's the matter with thee, Richard? Thee and Emily are both queer. +I can't make you out." + +"Well, Reuben, we mean well; you mustn't expect too much of people." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +RICHARD + + +I came in to breakfast with Reuben, feeling that Dapple had been more +of a gentleman than I had, for he had treated the maiden with +gentleness and courtesy, while I had thought first of myself. She +looked up at me as I entered so humbly and deprecatingly that I wished +that I had bitten my tongue out rather than have spoken so harshly. + +Straightforward Reuben went to the girl, and, holding out his hand, +said: + +"Emily, I want to ask thy forgiveness. I've been like a bear toward +thee. Thee's the bravest girl I ever saw. No country girl would have +dared to do what thee did. I didn't need to have Richard lecture me +and tell me that; but I thought thee was kind of down on Richard, and +I've a way of standing by my friends." + +With a face like a peony she turned and took both of the boy's hands +as she said warmly: + +"Thank you, Reuben. I'd take a much greater risk to win your +friendship, and if you'll give it to me I'll be very proud of it. You +are going to make a genuine man." + +"Yes, Reuben, thee'll make a man," said his mother, with a low laugh. +"Thee is as blind as a man already." + +I looked at her instantly, but she dropped her eyes demurely to her +plate. I saw that Mr. Hearn was watching me, and so did not look at +Miss Warren. + +"Well," said he irritably, "I don't like such escapades; and Emily, if +anything of the kind happens again, I'll have to take you to a safer +place." + +His face was flushed, but hers was very pale. + +"It won't happen again," she said quietly, without looking up. + +"Richard," said Mr. Yocomb, as if glad to change the subject, "I've +got to drive across the country on some business. I will have to be +gone all day. Would thee like to go with me?" + +"Certainly. I'll go with you to the ends of the earth." + +"That would be too far away from mother. Thee always pulls me back +very soon, doesn't thee?" + +"Well, I know thee comes," replied his wife. "Don't tire Richard out; +he isn't strong yet." + +"Richard," said Mr. Yocomb, as we were driving up a long hill, "I want +to congratulate thee on thy course toward Emily Warren. Thee's a +strong-minded, sensible man. I saw that thee was greatly taken with +her at first, and no wonder. Besides, I couldn't help hearing what +thee said when out of thy mind. Mother and I kept the children away +then, and Doctor Bates had the wink from me to be discreet; but thee's +been a sensible man since thee got up, and put the whole thing away +from thee very bravely." + +"Mr. Yocomb, I won't play the hypocrite with you. I love her better +than my own soul." + +"Thee does?" he said, in strong surprise. + +"Yes, and I ought to have gone away long ago, I fear. How could I see +her as she appeared this morning, and not almost worship her?" + +The old gentleman gave a long, low whistle. "I guess mother meant me +when she said men were blind." + +I was silent, not daring, of course, to say that I hoped she meant me, +but what I had heard and seen that morning had done much to confirm my +hope. + +"Well," said the old gentleman, "I can scarcely blame thee, since she +is what she is, and I can't help saying, too, that I think thee would +make her happier than that man can, with all his money. I don't think +he appreciates her. She will be only a part of his great possessions." + +"Well, Mr. Yocomb, I've but these requests to make. Keep this to +yourself, and don't interpose any obstacles to my going next Monday. +Don't worry about me. I'll keep up; and a man who will have to work as +I must won't have time to mope. I won't play the weak fool, for I'd +rather have your respect and Mrs. Yocomb's than all Mr. Hearn's +millions; and Miss Warren's respect is absolutely essential to me." + +"Then thee thinks that mother and--and Emily know?" + +"Who can hide anything from such women! They look through us as if we +were glass." + +"Mother's sermon meant more for thee than I thought." + +"Yes, I felt as if it were preached for me. I hope I may be the better +for it some day; but I've too big a fight on my hands now to do much +else. You will now understand why I wish to get away so soon, and why +I can't come back till I've gained a strength that is not bodily. I +wouldn't like you to misunderstand me, after your marvellous kindness, +and so I'm frank. Besides, you're the kind of man that would thaw an +icicle. Your nature is large and gentle, and I don't mind letting you +know." + +"Richard, we're getting very frank, and I'm going to be more so. I +don't like the way Mr. Hearn sits and looks at Adah." + +"Oh, you needn't worry about him. Mr. Hearn is respectability itself; +but he's wonderfully fond of good things and pretty things. His great +house on Fifth Avenue is full of them, and he looks at Miss Adah as he +would at a fine oil painting." + +"Thee speaks charitably of him under the circumstances." + +"I ought to try to do him justice, since I hate him so cordially." + +"Well," said the old gentleman, laughing, "that's a new way of putting +it. Thee's honest, Richard." + +"If I wasn't I'd have no business in your society." + +"I'm worried about Emily," broke out my companion. "She was a little +thin and worn from her long season of work when she came to us lately; +but the first week she picked up daily. While thee was so sick she +seemed more worried than any one, and I had much ado to get her to eat +enough to keep a bird alive; but it's been worse for the last two +weeks. She has seemed much brighter lately for some reason, but the +flesh just seems to drop off of her. She takes a wonderful hold of my +feelings, and I can't help troubling about her." + +"Mr. Yocomb, your words torture me," I cried. "It is not my +imagination then. Can she love that man?" + +"Well, she has a queer way of showing it; but it is one of those +things that an outsider can't meddle with." + +I was moody and silent the rest of the day, and Mr. Yocomb had the +tact to leave me much to myself; but I was not under the necessity of +acting my poor farce before him. + +The evening was quite well advanced when we reached the farmhouse; but +Mrs. Yocomb had a royal supper for us, and she said every one had +insisted on waiting till we returned. Mr. Hearn had quite recovered +his complacency, and I gathered from this fact that Miss Warren had +been very devoted. Such was his usual aspect when everything was +pleasing to him. But she who had added so much to his life had +seemingly drained her own, for she looked so pale and thin that my +heart ached. There were dark lines under her eyes, and she appeared +exceedingly wearied, as if the day had been one long effort. + +"She can't love him," I thought. "It's impossible. Confound him! he's +the blindest man of us all. Oh that I had her insight, that I might +unravel this snarl at once, for it would kill me to see her looking +like that much longer. What's the use of my going away? I've been away +all day; she has had the light of his smiling countenance +uninterruptedly, and see how worn she is. Can it be that my hateful +words hurt her, and that she is grieving about me only? It's +impossible. Unselfish regard for another could not go so far if her +own heart was at rest. She is doing her best to laugh and talk and to +seem cheerful, but her acting now is poorer than mine ever was. She is +tired out; she seems like a soldier who is fighting mechanically after +spirit, courage, and strength are gone." + +Mr. Hearn informed Mr. Yocomb that important business would require +his presence in New York for a few days. "It's an enterprise that +involves immense interests on both sides of the ocean, and there's to +be quite a gathering of capitalists. Your paper will be full of it +before very long, Mr. Morton." + +"I'm always glad to hear of any grist for our mill," I said. "Mrs. +Yocomb, please excuse me. I'm selfish enough to prefer the cool +piazza." + +"But thee hasn't eaten anything." + +"Oh, yes, I have, and I made a huge dinner," I replied carelessly, and +sauntered out and lighted a cigar. Instead of coming out on the +piazza, as I hoped, Miss Warren bade Mr. Hearn good-night in the hall, +and, pleading fatigue, went to her room. + +She was down to see him off in the morning, and at his request +accompanied him to the depot. I was reading on the piazza when she +returned, and I hastened to assist her from the rockaway. + +"Miss Warren," I exclaimed, in deep solicitude, "this long, hot ride +has been too much for you." + +"Perhaps it has," she replied briefly, without meeting my eyes. "I'll +go and rest." + +She pleaded a headache, and did not come down to dinner. Mrs. Yocomb +returned from her room with a troubled face. + +I had resolved that I would not seek to see her alone while Mr. Hearn +was away, and so resumed my long rambles. When I returned, about +supper time, she was sitting on the piazza watching Adela and Zillah +playing with their dolls. She did not look up as I took a seat on the +steps not far away. + +At last I began, "Can I tell you that I am very sorry you have been +ill to-day?" + +"I wasn't dangerous, as country people say," she replied, a little +brusquely. + +"You look as if Dapple might run over you now." + +"A kitten might run over me," she replied briefly, still keeping her +eyes on the children. + +By and by she asked, "Why do you look at me so intently, Mr. Morton?" + +"I beg your pardon." + +"That's not answering my question." + +"Suppose I deny that I was looking at you. You have not condescended +to glance at me yet." + +"You had better not deny it." + +"Well, then, to tell you the truth, as I find I always must, I was +looking for some trace of mercy. I was thinking whether I could +venture to ask forgiveness for being more of a brute than Dapple +yesterday." + +"Have your words troubled you very much?" + +"They have indeed." + +"Well, they've troubled me too. You think I'm heartless, Mr. Morton;" +and she arose and went to her piano. + +I followed her instantly. "Won't you forgive me?" I asked; "I've +repented." + +"Oh, nonsense, Mr. Morton. You know as well as I do that I'm the one +to ask forgiveness." + +"No, I don't," I said, in a low, passionate tone. "I fear you are +grieving about what you can't help." + +"Can't help?" she repeated, flushing. + +"Yes, my being here makes you unhappy. If I knew it, I'd go to-night." + +"And you think that out of sight would be out of mind," she said, with +a strange smile. + +"Great God! I don't know what to think. I know that I would do +anything under heaven to make you look as you did the first night I +saw you." + +"Do I look so badly?" + +"You look as if you might take wings and leave us at any moment." + +"Then I wouldn't trouble you any more." + +"Then my trouble would be without remedy. Marry Mr. Hearn; marry him +to-morrow, if you wish. I assure you that if you will be honestly and +truly happy, I won't mope a day--I'll become the jolliest old bachelor +in New York. I'll do anything within the power of man to make you your +old joyous self." + +Now at last she turned her large, glorious eyes upon me, and their +expression was sadness itself; but she only said quietly: + +"I believe you, Mr. Morton." + +"Then tell me, what can I do?" + +"Come to supper;" and she rose and left me. + +I went to my old seat by the window, and the tumult in my heart was in +wide contrast with the quiet summer evening. + +"You are mistaken, Emily Warren," I thought. "You have as much as said +that I can do nothing for you. I'll break your chain. You shall not +marry Gilbert Hearn, if I have to protest in the very church and +before the altar. You are mine, by the best and divinest right, and +with your truth as my ally I'll win you yet. From this hour I dedicate +myself to your happiness. Heavens, how blind I've been!" + +"Come, Richard," said Mrs. Yocomb, putting her head within the door. + +Miss Warren sat in her place, silent and apathetic. She had the aspect +of one who had submitted to the inevitable, but would no longer +pretend she liked it. Mr. Yocomb was regarding her furtively, with a +clouded brow, and Adah's glances were frequent and perplexed. I felt +as if walking on air, and my heart was aglow with gladness; but I knew +her far too well to show what was in my mind. My purpose now was to +beguile the hours till I could show her what truth really required of +her. With the utmost tact that I possessed, and with all the zest that +hope confirmed inspired, I sought to diffuse a general cheerfulness, +and I gradually drew her into the current of our talk. After supper I +told them anecdotes of public characters and eminent people, for my +calling gave me a great store of this kind of information. Ere she was +aware, the despondent girl was asking questions, and my answers piqued +her interest still more; at last, quite late in the evening, Mr. +Yocomb exclaimed: + +"Look here, Richard, what right has thee to keep me out of my bed long +after regular hours? I'm not a night editor. Good people, you must all +go to bed. I'm master of this house. Now, don't say anything, mother, +to take me down." + +Finding myself alone with Miss Warren a moment in the hall, I asked: + +"Have I not done more than merely come to supper?" + +She turned from me instantly, and went swiftly up the stairway. + +But the apathetic, listless look was on her face when she came down in +the morning, and she appeared as if passively yielding to a dreaded +necessity. I resumed my old tactics, and almost in spite of herself +drew her into the genial family life. Mr. Yocomb seconded me with +unflagging zeal and commendable tact, while Mrs. Yocomb surpassed us +both. Adah seemed a little bewildered, as if there were something in +the air which she could not understand. But we made the social +sunshine of the house so natural and warm that she could not resist +it. + +"Reuben," I said, after breakfast, "Miss Warren is not well. A ride +after Dapple is the best medicine I ever took. Take Miss Warren out +for a swift, short drive; don't let her say no. You have the tact to +do the thing in the right way." + +She did decline repeatedly, but he so persisted that she at last said: + +"There, Reuben, I will go with you." + +"I think thee might do that much for a friend, as thee calls me." + +When she returned there was a faint color in her cheeks. The rapid +drive had done her good, and I told her so as I helped her from the +light wagon. + +"Yes, Mr. Morton, it has, and I thank _you_ for the drive very much. +Let me suggest that Reuben is much too honest for a conspirator." + +"Well, he was a very willing one; and I see by his face, as he drives +down to the barn, that you have made him a happy one." + +"It doesn't take much to make him happy." + +"And would it take such an enormous amount to make you happy?" + +"You are much too inclined to be personal to be an editor. The world +at large should hold your interest;" and she went to her room. + +At the dinner-table the genial spell worked on; she recognized it with +a quiet smile, but yielded to its kindly power. At last she apparently +formed the resolution to make the most of this one bright day, and she +became the life of the party. + +"Emily," said Mrs. Yocomb, as we rose from the table, "father proposes +that we all go on a family picnic to Silver Pond, and take our supper +there. It's only three miles away. Would thee feel strong enough to +go?" + +Mrs. Yocomb spoke with the utmost simplicity and innocence; but the +young girl laughed outright, then fixed a penetrating glance on Mr. +Yocomb, whose florid face became much more ruddy. + +"Evidences of guilt clearly apparent," she said, "and Mr. Morton, too, +looks very conscious. 'The best laid schemes of mice and men'--you +know the rest. Oh, yes, I'd go if I had to be carried. When webs are +spun so kindly, flies ought to be caught." + +"What is the matter with you all?" cried Adah. + +"Miss Adah, if you'll find me a match for my cigar you'll make me +happy," I said hastily, availing myself of the first line of retreat +open. + +"Is that all thee needs to make thee happy?" + +"Well, one thing at a time, Miss Adah, if you please." + +As the day grew cool, Reuben came around with the family rockaway. +Mrs. Yocomb and Adah had prepared a basket as large as their own +generous natures. I placed Miss Warren beside Mrs. Yocomb on the back +seat, while I took my place by Adah, with Zillah between us. Little +Adela and Reuben had become good friends, and she insisted on sitting +between him and his father. + +As we rolled along the quiet country roads, chatting, laughing, and +occasionally singing a snatch of a song, no one would have dreamed +that any shadows rested on the party except those which slanted +eastward from the trees, which often hung far over our heads. + +I took pains not to feign any forced gayety, nor had I occasion to, +for I was genuinely happy--happier than I had ever been before. +Nothing was assured save the absolute truth of the woman that I loved, +but with this ally I was confident. I was impartial in my attentions +to Adah and Zillah, and so friendly to both that Adah was as pleased +and happy as the child. We chaffed the country neighbors whom we met, +and even chattered back at the barking squirrels that whisked before +us along the fences. Mr. Yocomb seemed almost as much of a boy as +Reuben, and for some reason Miss Warren always laughed most at his +pleasantries. Mrs. Yocomb looked as placid and bright as Silver Pond, +as it at last glistened beneath us in the breathless, sunny afternoon; +but like the clear surface fringed with shadows that sank far beneath +the water, there were traces of many thoughts in her large blue eyes. + +There was a cow lying under the trees where we meant to spread our +table. I pointed her out to Miss Warren with humorous dismay. "Shall +we turn back?" I asked. + +"No," she replied, looking into my eyes gratefully. "You have become +so brave that I'm not afraid to go on." + +I ignored her reference to that which I intended she should forget for +one day, believing that if we could make her happy she would recognize +how far her golden-haloed lover came short of this power. So I said +banteringly, "I'll wager you my hat that you dare not get out and +drive that terrific beast away." + +"The idea of Emily's being afraid of a cow, after facing Dapple!" +cried Reuben. + +"Well, we'll see," I said. "Stop the rockaway here." + +"What should I do with your hat, Mr. Morton?" + +"Wear it, and suffer the penalty," laughed Adah. + +"You would surely win it," retorted the girl, a little nettled. + +"I'll wager you a box of candy then, or anything you please." + +"Let it be anything I please," she agreed, laughing. "Mr. Morton, you +are not going to let me get out alone?" + +"Oh, no," and I sprang out to assist her down. + +"She wants you to be on hand in case the ferocious beast switches its +tail," cried Adah. + +The hand she gave me trembled as I helped her out, and I saw that she +regarded the placid creature with a dread that she could not disguise. +Picking up a little stick, she stepped cautiously and hesitatingly +toward the animal. While still ridiculously far away, she stopped, +brandished her stick, and said, with a quaver in her threatening tone, +"Get up, I tell you!" + +But the cow ruminated quietly as if understanding well that there was +no occasion for alarm. + +The girl took one or two more faltering steps, and exclaimed, in a +voice of desperate entreaty, "Oh, please get up!" + +We could scarcely contain ourselves for laughter. + +"Oh, ye gods! how beautiful she is!" I murmured. "With her arm over +Dapple's neck she was a goddess. Now she's a shrinking woman. Heaven +grant that it may be my lot to protect her from the real perils of +life!" + +The cow suddenly switched her tail at a teasing gadfly, and the girl +precipitately sought my side. + +Reuben sprang out of the rockaway and lay down and rolled in his +uncontrollable mirth. + +"Was there anything ever so ridiculous?" cried Adah; for to the +country girl Miss Warren's fear was affectation. + +At Adah's words Miss Warren's face suddenly became white and resolute. + +"You, at least, shall not despise me," she said to me in a low tone; +and shutting her eyes she made a blind rush toward the cow. I had +barely time to catch her, or she would have thrown herself on the +horns of the startled animal that, with tail in air, careered away +among the trees. The girl was so weak and faint that I had to support +her; but I could not forbear saying, in a tone that she alone heard: + +"Do we ever despise that which we love supremely?" + +"Hush!" she answered sternly. + +Mrs. Yocomb was soon at our side with a flask of currant wine, and +Adah laughed a little bitterly as she said, "It was 'as good as a +play'!" Miss Warren recovered herself speedily by the aid of the +generous wine, and this was the only cloud on our simple festivity. In +her response to my ardent words she seemingly had satisfied her +conscience, and she acted like one bent on making the most of this one +occasion of fleeting pleasure. + +Adah was the only one who mentioned the banker. "How Mr. Hearn would +have enjoyed being here with us!" she exclaimed. + +Miss Warren's response was a sudden pallor and a remorseful +expression; but Mr. Yocomb and I speedily created a diversion of +thought; I saw, however, that Adah was watching her with a perplexed +brow. The hours quickly passed, and in the deepening shadows we +returned homeward, Miss Warren singing some sweet old ballads, to +which my heart kept time. + +She seemed both to bring the evening to a close, and sat down at the +piano. Adah and I listened, well content. Having put the children to +bed Mrs. Yocomb joined us, and we chatted over the pleasant trip while +waiting for Mr. Yocomb and Reuben, who had not returned from the barn. +At last Mrs. Yocomb said heartily, as if summing it all up: + +"Well, Richard, thee's given us a bright, merry afternoon." + +"Yes, Richard," Miss Warren began, as if her heart had spoken +unawares--"I beg your pardon--Mr. Morton--" and then she stopped in +piteous confusion, for I had turned toward her with all my unspeakable +love in my face. + +Adah's laugh rang out a little harshly. + +I hastened to the rescue of the embarrassed girl, saying, "I don't see +why you should beg my pardon. We're all Friends here. At least I'm +trying to be one as fast as a leopard can change his spots and the +Ethiopian his skin. As for you, a tailor would say you were cut from +the same cloth as Mrs. Yocomb." + +But for some reason she could not recover herself. She probably +realized, in the tumult of her feeling, that she had revealed her +heart too clearly, and she could not help seeing that Adah understood +her. She was too confused for further pretence, and too unnerved to +attempt it. After a moment of pitiful hesitation she fled with a +scarlet face to her room. + +"Well," said Adah, with a slight hysterical laugh, "I understand Emily +Warren now." + +"Pardon me, Miss Adah, I don't think you do," I began. + +"If thee doesn't, thee's blind indeed." + +"I am blind." + +"Be assured I'm not any longer," and with a deep angry flush she, too, +left us. + +I turned to Mrs. Yocomb, and taking both of her hands I entreated, "As +you have the heart of a woman, never let Emily Warren marry that man. +Help me--help us both!" + +"My poor boy," she began, "this is a serious matter--" + +"It is indeed," I said, passionately; "it's a question of life and +death to us both." + +"Well," she said, thoughtfully, "I think time and truth will be on thy +side in the end; but I would advise thee not to do or say anything +rash or hasty. She is very resolute. Give her time." + +Would to God I had taken her advice! + + + + +CHAPTEE XVII + +MY WORST BLUNDER + + +I scarcely could foresee how we should get through the following day. +I both longed for and dreaded it, feeling that though it might pass +quietly enough, it would probably be decisive in its bearing on the +problem of my life. Miss Warren would at last be compelled to face the +truth squarely, that she had promised a man what she could not give, +and that to permit him to go on blindly trusting would be impossible. +The moment she realized fully that she had never truly loved him, and +now never could, she would give up the pretence. Then why should she +not see that love, duty, and truth could go together? That she had +struggled desperately to be loyal to Mr. Hearn was sadly proved by her +thin face and wasted form; but with a nature like hers, when once her +genuine love was evoked, the effort to repress it was as vain as +seeking to curb a rising tide. I now saw, as I looked back over the +past weeks, that her love had grown steadily and irresistibly till it +had overwhelmed all save her will and conscience; that these stood, +the two solitary landmarks of her former world. And I knew they would +stand, and that my only hope was to stand with them. Her love had gone +out to me as mine had to her, from a constraint that she could not +resist, and this fact I hoped would reveal to her its sacred right to +live. With every motive that would naturally bind her to a man who +could give her so much, her heart claimed its mate in one who must +daily toil long hours for subsistence. It would be like her to +recognize that a love so unthrifty and unselfish must spring from the +deepest truths and needs of her being rather than from any passing +causes. She would come to believe as I did, that God had created us +for each other. + +But it seemed as if the whole world had changed and gone awry when we +sat down to breakfast the next morning. Adah was polite to me, but she +was cool and distant. She no longer addressed me in the Friendly +tongue. It was "you" now. I had ceased to be one of them, in her +estimation. Her father and mother looked grave and worried, but they +were as kind and cordial to me as ever. Reuben and the little girls +were evidently mystified by the great change in the social atmosphere, +but were too inexperienced to understand it. I was pained by Adah's +manner, but did not let it trouble me, feeling assured that as she +thought the past over she would do me justice, and that our relations +would become substantially those of a brother and sister. + +But I was puzzled and alarmed beyond measure by Miss Warren's manner +and appearance, and my feelings alternated between the deepest +sympathy and the strongest fear. She looked as if she had grown old in +the night, and was haggard from sleeplessness. Her deep eyes had +sunken deeper than ever, and the lines under them were dark indeed, +but her white face was full of a cold scorn, and she held herself +aloof from us all. + +She looked again as if capable of any blind, desperate self-sacrifice. + +Simple, honest Mr. Yocomb was sorely perplexed, but Ms wife's face was +grave and inscrutable. If I had only gone quietly away and left the +whole problem to her, how much better it would have been! + +I tried to speak to Miss Warren in a pleasant, natural way; her +answers were brief and polite, but nothing more. Before the meal was +over she excused herself and returned to her room. I felt almost +indignant. What had I--most of all, what had her kind, true friends, +Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb--done to warrant that cold, half--scornful face? +Her coming to breakfast was but a form, and she clearly wished to +leave us at the earliest possible moment. Adah smiled satirically as +she passed out, and the expression did not become her fair face. + +I strode out to the arbor in the garden and stared moodily at the +floor, I know not how long, for I was greatly mystified and baffled, +and my very soul was consumed with anxiety. + +"She shall listen to reason," I muttered again and again. "This +question must be settled in accordance with truth--the simple, natural +truth--and nothing else. She's mine, and nothing shall separate us-- +not even her perverse will and conscience;" and so the heavy hours +passed in deep perturbation. + +At last I heard a step, and looking through the leaves I saw the +object of my thoughts coming through the garden, reading a letter. My +eyes glistened with triumph. "The chance I coveted has come," I +muttered, and I watched her intently. She soon crushed the letter in +her hand and came swiftly toward the arbor, with a face so full of +deep and almost wild distress that my heart relented, and I resolved +to be as gentle as I before had intended to be decisive and +argumentative. I hastily changed my seat to the angle by the entrance, +so that I could intercept her should she try to escape the interview. + +She entered, and throwing herself down on the seat, buried her face in +her arm. + +"Miss Warren," I began. + +She started up with a passionate gesture. "You have no right to +intrude on me now," she said, almost sternly. + +"Pardon me, were I not here when you entered, I would still have a +right to come. You are in deep distress. Why must I be inhuman any +more than yourself? You have at least promised me friendship, but you +treat me like an enemy." + +"You have been my worst enemy." + +"I take issue with you there at once. I've never had a thought toward +you that was not most kind and loyal. + +"Loyal!" she replied, bitterly; "that word in itself is a stab." + +"Miss Warren," I said, very gently, "you make discord in the old +garden to-day." + +She dropped her letter on the ground and sank on the seat again. Such +a passion of sobs shook her slight frame that I trembled with +apprehension. But I kept quiet, believing that Nature could care for +her child better than I could, and that her outburst of feeling would +bring relief. At last, as she became a little more self-controlled, I +said, gravely and kindly: + +"There must be some deep cause for this deep grief." + +"Oh, what shall I do?" she sobbed. "What shall I do? I wish the earth +would open and swallow me up." + +"That wish is as vain as it is cruel. I wish you would tell me all, +and let me help you. I think I deserve it at your hands." + +"Well, since you know so much, you may as well know all. It doesn't +matter now, since every one will soon know. He has written that his +business will take him to Europe within a month--that we must be +married--that he will bring his sister here to-night to help me make +arrangements. Oh! oh! I'd rather die than ever see him again. I've +wronged him so cruelly, so causelessly." + +In wild exultation I snatched a pocketbook from my coat and cried: + +"Miss Warren--Emily--do you remember this little York and Lancaster +bud that you gave me the day we first met? Do you remember my half- +jesting, random words, 'To the victor belong the spoils'? See, the +victor is at your feet." + +She sprang up and turned her back upon me. "Rise!" she said, in a +voice so cold and stern that, bewildered, I obeyed. + +She soon became as calm as before she had been passionate and +unrestrained in her grief; but it was a stony quietness that chilled +and disheartened me before she spoke. + +"It does indeed seem as if the truth between us could never be +hidden," she said, bitterly. "You have now very clearly shown your +estimate of me. You regard me as one of those weak women of the past +whom the strongest carry off. You have been the stronger in this case +--oh, you know it well! Not even in the house of God could I escape +your vigilant scrutiny. You hoped and watched and waited for me to be +false. Should I yield to you, you would never forget that I had been +false, and, in accordance with your creed, you would ever fear--that +is, if your passion lasted long enough--the coming of one still +stronger, to whom in the weak necessity of my nature, I again would +yield. Low as I have fallen, I will never accept from a man a mere +passion devoid of respect and honor. I'm no longer entitled to these, +therefore I'll accept nothing." + +She poured out these words like a torrent, in spite of my gestures of +passionate dissent, and my efforts to be heard; but it was a cold, +pitiless torrent. Excited as I was, I saw how intense was her self- +loathing. I also saw despairingly that she embraced me in her scorn. + +"Miss Warren," I said, dejectedly, "since you are so unjust to +yourself, what hope have I?" + +"There is little enough for either of us," she continued, more +bitterly; "at least there is none for me. You will, no doubt, get +bravely over it, as you said. Men generally do, especially when in +their hearts they have no respect for the woman with whom they are +infatuated. Mr. Morton, the day of your coming was indeed the day of +_my_ fate. I wish you could have saved the lives of the others, +but not mine. I could then have died in peace, with honor unstained. +But now, what is my life but an intolerable burden of shame and self- +reproach? Without cause and beyond the thought of forgiveness, I've +wronged a good, honorable man, who has been a kind and faithful friend +for years. He is bringing his proud, aristocratic sister here to-night +to learn how false and contemptible I am. The people among whom I +earned my humble livelihood will soon know how unfit I am to be +trusted with their daughters--that I am one who falls a spoil to the +strongest. I have lost everything--chief of all my pearl of great +price--my truth. What have I left? Is there a more impoverished +creature in the world? There is nothing left to me but bare existence +and hateful memories. Oh, the lightning was dim compared with the +vividness with which I've seen it all since that hateful moment last +night, when the truth became evident even to Adah Yocomb. But up to +that moment, even up to this hour, I hoped you pitied me--that you +were watching and waiting to help me to be true and not to be false. I +did not blame you greatly for your love--my own weakness made me +lenient--and at first you did not know. But since you now openly seek +that which belongs to another; since you now exult that you are the +stronger, and that I have become your spoil, I feel, though I cannot +yet see and realize the depths into which I have fallen. Even to-day +you might have helped me as a friend, and shown me how some poor shred +of my truth might have been saved; but you snatch at me as if I were +but the spoil of the strongest. Mr. Morton, either you or I must leave +the farmhouse at once." + +"This is the very fanaticism of truth," I cried, desperately. "Your +mind is so utterly warped and morbid from dwelling on one side of this +question that you are cruelly unjust." + +"Would that I had been less kind and more just. I felt sorry for you, +from the depths of my heart. Why have you had no pity for me? You are +a man of the world, and know it. Why did you not show me to what this +wretched weakness would lead? I thought you meant this kindness when +you said you wished my brother was here. Oh that I were sleeping +beside him! I thought you meant this when you said that nothing would +last, nothing could end well unless built on the truth. I hoped you +were watching me with the vigilance of a man who, though loving me, +was so strong and generous and honorable that he would try to save me +from a weakness that I cannot understand, and which was the result of +strange and unforeseen circumstances. When you were so ill I felt as +if I had dealt you your death-blow, and then, woman-like, I loved you. +I loved you before I recognized my folly. Up to that point we could +scarcely help ourselves. For weeks I tried to hide the truth from +myself. I fought against it. I prayed against it through sleepless +nights. I tried to hide the truth from you most of all. But I remember +the flash of hope in your face when you first surmised my miserable +secret. It hurt me cruelly. Your look should have been one of dismay +and sorrow. But I know something of the weakness of the heart, and its +first impulse might naturally be that of gladness, although honor must +have changed it almost instantly into deep regret. Then I believed +that you were sorry, and that it was your wish to help me. I thought +it was your purpose yesterday to show me that I could be happy, even +in the path of right and duty, that had become so hard, though you +spoke once as you ought not. But when I, unawares, and from the +impulse of a grateful heart, spoke your name last night as that of my +truest and best friend, as I thought, you turned toward me the face of +a lover, and to-day--but it's all over. Will you go?" + +"Are Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb false?" I cried. + +"No, they are too simple and true to realize the truth. Mr. Morton, I +think we fully understand each other now. Since you will not go, I +shall. You had better remain here and grow strong. Please let me +pass." + +"I wish you had dealt me my death-blow. It were a merciful one +compared with this. No, you don't understand me at all. You have +portrayed me as a vile monster. Because you cannot keep your +engagement with a man you never truly loved, you inflict the torments +of hell on the man you do love, and whom Heaven meant you to love. +Great God! you are not married to Gilbert Hearn. Have not engagements +often been broken for good and sufficient reasons? Is not the truth +that our hearts almost instantly claimed eternal kindred a sufficient +cause? I watched and waited that I might know whether you were his or +mine. I did not seek to win you from him after I knew--after I +remembered. But when I knew the truth, you _were_ mine. Before +God I assert my right, and before His altar I would protest against +your marriage to any other." + +She sank down on the arbor seat, white and faint, but made a slight +repellent gesture. + +"Yes, I'll go," I said, bitterly; "and such a scene as this might well +cause a better man than I to go to the devil;" and I strode away. + +But before I had taken a dozen steps my heart relented, and I +returned. Her face was again buried in her right arm and her left hand +hung by her side. + +I took it in both of my own as I said, gently and sadly: + +"Emily Warren, you may scorn me--you may refuse ever to see my face +again; but I have dedicated my life to your happiness, and I shall +keep my vow. It may be of no use, but God looketh at the intent of the +heart. Heathen though I am, I cannot believe he will let the June day +when we first met prove so fatal to us both: the God of whom Mrs. +Yocomb told us wants no harsh, useless self-sacrifice. You are not +false, and never have been. Mrs. Yocomb is not more true. I respect +and honor you, as I do my mother's memory, though my respect now +counts so little to you. I never meant to wrong you or pain you; I +meant your happiness first and always. If you care to know, my future +life shall show whether I am a gentleman or a villain. May God show +you how cruelly unjust you are to yourself. I shall attempt no further +self-defence. Good-by." + +She trembled; but she only whispered: + +"Good-by. Go, and forget." + +"When I forget you--when I fail in loving loyalty to you, may God +forget me!" I replied, and I hastened from the garden with as much +sorrow and bitterness in my heart as the first man could have felt +when the angel drove him from Eden. Alas! I was going out alone into a +world that had become thorny indeed. + +As I approached the house Mrs. Yocomb happened to come out on the +piazza. + +I took her hand and drew her toward the garden gate. She saw that I +was almost speechless from trouble, and with her native wisdom divined +it all. + +"I did not take your advice," I groaned, "accursed fool that I was! +But no matter about me. Save Emily from herself. As you believe in +God's mercy, watch over her as you watched over me. Show her the wrong +of wrecking both of our lives. She's in the arbor there. Go and stay +with her till I am gone. You are my only hope. God bless you for all +your kindness to me. Please write: I shall be in torment till I hear +from you. Good-by." + +I watched her till I saw her enter the arbor, then hastened to the +barn, where Reuben was giving the horses their noonday feeding. + +"Reuben," I said, quietly, "I'm compelled to go to New York at once. +We can catch the afternoon train, if you are prompt. Not a word, old +fellow. I've no time now to explain. I must go, and I'll walk if you +won't take me;" and I hastened to the house and packed for departure +with reckless haste. + +At the foot of the moody stairway I met Adah. + +"Are you going away?" she tried to say distantly, with face averted. + +"Yes, Miss Adah, and I fear you are glad." + +"No," she said, brokenly, and turning she gave me her hand. "I can't +keep this up any longer, Richard. Since we first met I've been very +foolish, very weak, and thee--thee has been a true gentleman toward +me." + +"I wish I might be a true brother. God knows I feel like one." + +"Thee--thee saved my life, Richard. I was wicked to forget that for a +moment. Will thee forgive me?" + +"I'll forgive you only as you will let me become the most devoted +brother a girl ever had, for I love and respect you, Adah, very, very +much." + +Tears rushed into the warm-hearted girl's eyes. She put her arms +around my neck and kissed me. "Let this seal that agreement," she +said, "and I'll be thy sister in heart as well as in name." + +"How kind and good you are, Adah!" I faltered. "You are growing like +your mother now. When you come to New York you will see how I keep my +word," and I hastened away. + +Mr. Yocomb intercepted me in the path. + +"How's this? how's this?" he cried. + +"I must go to New York at once," I said. "Mrs. Yocomb will explain +all. I have a message for Mr. Hearn. Please say that I will meet him +at any time, and will give any explanations to which he has a right. +Good-by; I won't try to thank you for your kindness, which I shall +value more and more every coming day." + +For a long time we rode in silence, Reuben looking as grim and +lowering as his round, ruddy face permitted. + +At last he broke out, "Now, I say, blast Emily Warren's grandfather!" + +"No, Reuben, my boy," I replied, putting my arm around him, "with all +his millions, I'm heartily sorry for Mr. Hearn." + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +MRS. YOCOMB'S LETTERS + + +I will not weary the reader with my experiences after arriving at New +York. I could not have felt worse had I been driven into the Dismal +Swamp. My apartments were dusty and stifling, and as cheerless as my +feelings. + +My editorial chief welcomed me cordially, and talked business. "After +you had gone," he was kind enough to say, "we learned your value. +Night work is too wearing for you, so please take that office next to +mine. I feel a little like breaking down myself, and don't intend to +wait until I do, as you did. I shall be off a great deal the rest of +the summer, and you'll have to manage things." + +"Pile on work," I said; "I'm greedy for it." + +"Yes," he replied, laughing, "I appreciate that rare trait of yours; +but I shall regard you as insubordinate if you don't take proper rest. +Give us your brains, Morton, and leave hack work to others. That's +where you blundered before." + +Within an hour I was caught in the whirl of the great complicated +world, and, as I said to Mr. Yocomb, I had indeed no time to mope. +Thank God for work! It's the best antidote this world has for trouble. + +But when night came my brain was weary and my heart heavy as lead. It +seemed as if the farmhouse was in another world, so diverse was +everything there from my present life. + +I had given my uptown address to Mrs. Yocomb and went home--if I may +apply that term to my dismal boarding-place--Tuesday night, feeling +assured that there must be a letter. Good Mrs. Yocomb had not failed +me, for on my table lay a bulky envelope, addressed in a quaint but +clear hand. I was glad no one saw how my hand trembled as I opened her +missive and read: + +"My Dear Richard--I know how anxious thee is for tidings from us all, +and especially from one toward whom thy heart is very tender. I will +take up the sad story where thee left it. Having all the facts, thee +can draw thy own conclusions. + +"I found Emily in an almost fainting condition, and I just took her in +my arms and let her cry like a child until tears brought relief. It +was no time for words. Then I brought her into the house and gave her +something that made her sleep in spite of herself. She awoke about an +hour before Gilbert Hearn's arrival, and her nervous trepidation at +the thought of meeting him was so great that I resolved she should not +see him--at least not that night--and I told her so. This gave her +great relief, though she said it was cowardly in her to feel so. But +in truth she was too ill to see him. Her struggle had been too long +and severe, and her nervous system was utterly prostrated. I had +Doctor Bates here when Gilbert Hearn came, and the doctor is very +discreet. I told him that he must manage so that Emily need not see +the one she so feared to meet again, and hinted plainly why, though +making no reference to thee, of course. The doctor acted as I wished, +not because I wished it, but on professional grounds. 'Miss Warren's +future health depends on absolute rest and quiet,' he said to her +affianced. 'I not only advise that you do not see her, but I forbid +it,' for he was terribly excited--so was his sister, Charlotte +Bradford--and it was as much as we could do to keep them from going to +her room. If they had, I believe the excitement would have destroyed +either her life or reason. Gilbert Hearn plainly intimated that +something was wrong. 'Very well, then,' I said, 'bring thy own family +physician, and let him consult with Doctor Bates,' and this he angrily +said he would do on the morrow. The very fact they were in the house +made the poor girl almost wild; but I stayed with her all night, and +she just lay in my arms like a frightened child, and my heart yearned +over her as if she were my own daughter. She did not speak of thee, +but I heard her murmur once, 'I was cruel--I was unjust to him.' + +"In the morning she was more composed, and I made her take strong +nourishment, I can tell thee. Thee remembers how I used to dose thee +in spite of thyself. + +"Well, in the morning Emily seemed to be thinking deeply; and by and +by she said: 'Mrs. Yocomb, I want this affair settled at once. I want +you to sit by me while I write to him, and advise me.' I felt she was +right. Her words were about as follows: (I asked her if I could tell +thee what she wrote. She hesitated a little, and a faint color came +into her pale face. 'Yes,' she said at last, 'let him know the whole +truth. Since so much has occurred between us, I want him to know +everything. He then may judge me as he thinks best. I have a horror of +any more misunderstanding.') + +"'You can never know, Mr. Hearn,' she wrote, 'the pain and sorrow with +which I address to you these words. Still less can you know my shame +and remorse; but you are an honorable man, and have a right to the +truth. My best hope is that when you know how unworthy I am of your +regard your regret will be slight. I recall all your kindness to me, +and my heart is tortured as I now think of the requital I am making. +Still, justice to myself requires that I tell you that I mistook my +gratitude and esteem, my respect and genuine regard, for a deeper +emotion. You will remember, however, that I long hesitated, feeling +instinctively that I could not give you what you had a right to +expect. Last spring you pressed me for a definite answer. I said I +would come to this quiet place and think it all over, and if I did not +write you to the contrary within a few days you might believe that I +had yielded to your wishes. I found myself more worn and weary from my +toilsome life than I imagined. I was lonely; I dreaded my single- +handed struggle with the world, and my heart overflowed with gratitude +toward you--it does still--for your kindness, and for all that you +promised to do for me. I had not the will nor the disposition to say +no, or to put you off any longer. Still I had misgiving; I feared that +I did not feel as I ought. When I received your kind letter accepting +my silence as consent, I felt bound by it--I was bound by it. I have +no defence to make. I can only state the miserable truth. I cannot +love you as a wife ought, and I know now that I never can. I've tried +--God knows I've tried. I'm worn out with the struggle. I fear I am +very ill. I wish I were dead and at rest. I cannot ask you to think +mercifully of me. I cannot think mercifully of myself. To meet again +would be only useless suffering. I am not equal to it. My one effort +now is to gain sufficient strength to go to some distant relatives in +the West. Please forget me. "'In sorrow and bitter regret, "'Emily +Warren.'" + +I started up and paced the room distractedly. "The generous girl!" I +exclaimed, "she lays not a particle of blame on me. But, by Jove! I'd +like to take all the blame, and have it out with him here and now. +Blame! What blame is there? The poor child! Why can't she see that she +is white as snow?" + +Again I eagerly turned to Mrs. Yocomb's words: + +"Emily seemed almost overwhelmed at the thought of his reading this +letter. She is so generous, so sensitive, that she saw only his side +of the case, and made scarcely any allowance for herself. I was a +little decided and plain-spoken with her, and it did her good. At last +I said to her, 'I am not weak-minded, if I am simple and plain. +Because I live in the country is no reason why I do not know what is +right and just. Thee has no cause to blame thyself so bitterly.' 'Does +Mr. Yocomb feel and think as you do?' she asked. 'Of course he does,' +I replied. She put her hands to her head and said pitifully, 'Perhaps +I am too distracted to see things clearly. I sometimes fear I may lose +my reason.' 'Well, Emily,' I said, 'thee has done right. Thee cannot +help feeling as thee does, and to go on now would be as great a wrong +to Gilbert Hearn as to thyself. Thee has done just as I would advise +my own daughter to do. Leave all with me. Thee need not see him again. +I am going to stand by thee;' and I left her quite heartened up." + +"Oh, but you are a gem of a woman!" I cried. "A few more like you +would bring the millennium." + +"Gilbert Hearn was dreadfully taken aback by the letter; but I must do +him the justice to say that he was much touched by it too, for he +called me again into the parlor, and I saw that he was much moved. He +had given his sister the letter to read, and she muttered, 'Poor +thing!' as she finished it. He fixed his eyes sternly on me and said, +'Mr. Morton is at the bottom of this thing.' I returned his gaze very +quietly, and asked, 'What am I to infer by this expression of thy +opinion to me?' His sister was as quick as a flash, and she said +plainly, 'Gilbert, these people were not two little children in Mrs. +Yocomb's care.' 'Thee is right,' I said; 'I have not controlled their +actions any more than I have those of thy brother. Richard Morton is +absent, however, and were we not under peculiar obligations to him I +would still be bound to speak for him, since he is not here to speak +for himself. I have never seen Richard Morton do anything unbecoming a +gentleman. Has thee, Gilbert Hearn? If so, I think thee had better see +him, for he is not one to deny thee any explanation to which thee has +a right.' 'Why did he go to the city so suddenly?' he asked angrily. +'I will give thee his address,' I said coldly. 'Gilbert,' expostulated +his sister,--we have no right to cross--question Mrs. Yocomb.' 'Since +thee is so considerate,' I said to her, 'I will add that Richard +Morton intended to return on Second Day at the latest, and he chose to +go to-day. His action enables me to give thee a room to thyself.' +'Gilbert,' said the lady, 'I do not see that we have any reason to +regret his absence. As Mrs. Yocomb says, you can see him in New York; +but unless you have well founded and specific charges to make, I think +it would compromise your dignity to see him. Editors are ugly +customers to stir up unless there is good cause.'" + +"I know one," I growled, "that would be a particularly ugly customer +just now." + +"'In Emily Warren's case,' I said, 'it is different,'" Mrs. Yocomb +continued. "'She is a motherless girl and has appealed to me for +advice and sympathy. In her honest struggle to be loyal to thee she +has worn herself almost to a shadow, and I have grave fears for her +reason and her life, so great is her prostration. She has for thee, +Gilbert Hearn, the sincerest respect and esteem, and the feeling that +she has wronged thee, even though she cannot help it, seems almost to +crush her.' 'Gilbert,' said his sister warmly, 'you cannot blame her, +and you certainly ought to respect her. If she were not an honest- +hearted girl she would never have renounced you with your great +wealth.' He sank into a chair and looked very white. 'It's a terrible +blow,' he said; 'it's the first severe reverse I've ever had.' 'Well,' +she replied, 'I know from your character that you will meet it like a +man and a gentleman.' 'Certainly,' he said, with a deep breath, 'I +cannot do otherwise.' I then rose and bowed, saying: 'You will both +excuse me if I am with my charge much of the time. Adah will attend to +your wants, and I hope you will feel at home so long as it shall +please you to stay.'" + +"By Jove! but her tact was wonderful. Not a diplomat in Europe could +have done better. The innocent-looking Quakeress was a match for them +both." + +"Then I went back to Emily," Mrs. Yocomb wrote, "and I found her in a +pitiable state of excitement. When I opened the door she started up +apprehensively, as if she feared that the man with whom she had broken +would burst in upon her with bitter reproaches. I told her everything; +for even I cannot deceive her, she is so quick. Her mind was +wonderfully lightened, and I soon made her sleep again. She awoke in +the evening much quieter, but she cried a good deal in the night, and +I surmise she was thinking of thee more than of herself or of him. I +wish thee had waited until all this was over, but I think all will +come out right." + +"Oh, the unutterable fool that I was!" I groaned; "I'm the champion +blunderer of the world." + +"Well, Richard, this is the longest letter I ever wrote, and I must +bring it to a close, for my patient needs me. I will write soon again, +and tell thee everything. Goodnight. + +"Second Day. P.S.--I left my letter open to add a postscript. Gilbert +Hearn and his sister left this morning. The former at last seemed +quite calm and resigned, and was very polite. His sister was too. She +amused me not a little. I do not think that her heart was greatly set +on the match, and she was not so troubled but that she could take an +interest in our quiet, homely ways. I think we seemed to her like what +you city people call _bric-a-brac_, but she was too much of a lady to +let her curiosity become offensive. She took a great fancy to Adah, +especially as she saw that Adela was very fond of her, and she +persuaded her brother to leave the child here in our care, saying that +she was improving wonderfully. He did not seem at all averse to the +plan. Adah is behaving very nicely, if I do say it, and showed a great +deal of quiet, gentle dignity. She and Charlotte Bradford had a long +chat in the evening about Adela. Adah says, 'Send Richard my love'; +and if I put in all the messages from father, Reuben, and Zillah, they +would fill another sheet. + +"I asked Emily if she had any message for thee. She buried her face in +the pillow and murmured, 'Not now, not yet'; but after a moment she +turned toward me, looking white and resolute. 'Tell him,' she said, +'to forgive me and forget' Be patient, Richard. Wait. "Thine +affectionately, + +"Ruth Yocomb." + +"Forget!" I shouted. "Yes, when I am annihilated," and I paced my room +for hours. At last, exhausted, I sought such rest as I could obtain, +but my last thought was, "God bless Ruth Yocomb. I could kiss the +ground she had trodden." + +The next morning I settled down to my task of waiting and working, +resolving that there must be no more nights like the last, in which I +had wasted a vast amount of vital force. I wrote to Mrs. Yocomb, and +thanked her from a full heart. I sent messages to all the family, and +said, "Tell Adah I shall keep her love warm in my heart, and that I +send her twice as much of mine in return. Like all brothers, I shall +take liberties, and will subscribe in her behalf for the two best +magazines in the city. Give Miss Warren this simple message: The words +I last spoke to her shall ever be true." + +I also told Mrs. Yocomb of my promotion, and that I was no longer a +night-owl. + +Toward the end of the week came another bulky letter, which I +devoured, letting my dinner grow cold. + +"Our life at the farmhouse has become very quiet," she wrote. "Emily +improves slowly, for her nervous system has received a severe strain. +I told her that thee had sent messages to all the family, and asked if +she did not expect one. 'I've no right to any--there's no occasion for +any,' she faltered; but her eyes were very wistful and entreating. +'Well,' I said, 'I must clear my conscience, and since he sent thee +one, I must give it. He writes, 'Say to Miss Warren in reply that the +last words I spoke to her shall ever be true.' I suppose thee knows +what he means,' I said, smiling; 'I don't.' She buried her face in the +pillow again; but I think thy message did her good, for she soon fell +asleep, and looked more peaceful than at any time yet." + +At last there came a letter saying, "Emily has left us and gone to a +cousin--a Mrs. Vining--who resides at Columbus, Ohio. She is much +better, but very quiet--very different from her old self. Father put +her on the train, and she will have to change cars only once. 'Emily,' +I said to her, 'thee can not go away without one word for Richard.' +She was deeply moved, but her resolute will gained the mastery. 'I am +trying to act for the best,' she said. 'He has appealed to the future: +the future must prove us both, for there must be no more mistakes.' +'Does thee doubt thyself, Emily?' 'I have reason to doubt myself, Mrs. +Yocomb,' she replied. 'But what does thy heart tell thee?' A deep +solemn look came into her eyes, and after a few moments she said, +'Pardon me, my dear friend, if I do not answer you fully. Indeed, I +would scarcely know how to answer you. I have entered on an experience +that is new and strange to me. I am troubled and frightened at myself. +I want to go away among strangers, where I can think and grow calm. I +want to be alone with my God. I should always be weak and vacillating +here. Moreover, Mr. Morton has formed an impression of me, of which, +perhaps, I cannot complain. This impression may grow stronger in his +mind. It has all been too sudden. His experiences have been too +intermingled with storm, delirium, and passion. He has not had time to +think any more than I have. In the larger sphere of work to which you +say he has been promoted he may find new interests that will be +absorbing. After a quiet and distant retrospect he may thank me for +the course I am taking.' 'Emily!' I exclaimed, 'for so tender-hearted +a girl thee is very strong.' 'No,' she replied, 'but because I have +learned my weakness I am going away from temptation.' I then asked, +'Is thee willing I should tell Richard what thee has said?' After +thinking for some time she answered, 'Yes, let everything be based on +the simple truth. But tell him he must respect my action--he must +leave me to myself.' The afternoon before she left us, Adah and Reuben +went over to the village and got some beautiful rosebuds, and Adah +brought them up after tea. Emily was much touched, and kissed her +again and again. Then she threw herself into my arms and cried for +nearly an hour, but she went away bravely. I never can think of it +with dry eyes. Zillah was heart-broken, and Reuben clung to her in a +way that surprised me. He has been very remorseful that he treated her +badly at one time. Adah and I were mopping our eyes, and father kept +blowing his nose like a trumpet. She gave way a little at the last +moment, for Reuben ran down to the barn and brought out Dapple that +she might say good-by to him, and she put her arms around the pretty +creature's neck and sobbed for a moment or two. I never saw a horse +act so. He followed her right up to the rockaway steps. At last she +said, 'Come, let us go, quick!' I shall never forget the scene, and I +think that she repressed so much feeling that we had to express it for +her. She kissed little Adela tenderly, and the child was crying too. +It seemed as if we couldn't go on and take up our every-day life +again. I wouldn't have believed that one who was a stranger but a +short time ago could have gotten such a hold upon our hearts, but as I +think it all over I do not wonder. Dear little Zillah reminds me of +what I owe to her. She is very womanly, but she is singularly strong. +As she was driven away she looked up at thy window, so thee may guess +that thee was the last one in her thoughts. Wait, and be patient. Do +just as she says." + +I am glad that my editorial chief did not see me as I read this +letter, for I fear I should have been deposed at once. Its influence +on me, however, was very satisfactory to him, for if ever a man was +put on his mettle I felt that I had been. + +"Very well, Emily Warren," I said, "we have both appealed to the +future: let it judge us." I worked and tried to live as if the girl's +clear dark eyes were always on me, and her last lingering glance at +the window from which I had watched her go to meet the lover that, for +my sake, she could not marry, was a ray of steady sunshine. She did +not realize how unconsciously she had given me hope. + +A few days later I looked carefully over our subscription list. Her +paper had been stopped, and I felt this keenly; but as I was staring +blankly at the obliterated name a happy thought occurred to me, and I +turned to the letter V. With a gleam of deep satisfaction in my eyes I +found the address, Mrs. Adelaide Vining, Columbus, Ohio. + +"Now through the editorial page I can write to her daily," I thought. + +Late in September my chief said to me: + +"Look here, Morton, you are pitching into every dragon in the country. +I don't mind fighting three or four evils or abuses at a time, but +this general onslaught is raising a breeze." + +"With your permission, I don't care if it becomes a gale, as long as +we are well ballasted with facts." + +"Well, to go back to my first figure, be sure you are well armed +before you attack. Some of the beasts are old and tough, and have +awful stings in their tails. The people seem to like it, though, from +the way subscriptions are coming in." + +But I wrote chiefly for one reader. He would have opened his eyes if I +had told him that a young music-teacher in Columbus, Ohio, had a large +share in conducting the journal. Over my desk in my rooms I had had +framed, in illuminated text, the words she had spoken to me on the +most memorable day of my life: + +"The editor has exceptional opportunities, and might be the knight- +errant of our age. If in earnest, and on the right side, he can forge +a weapon out of public opinion that few evils could resist. He is in +just the position to discover these dragons and drive them from their +hiding-places." + +The spirit that breathed in these words I tried to make mine, for I +wished to feel and think as she did. While I maintained my +individuality of thought I never touched a question but that I first +looked at it from her standpoint. I labored for weeks over an +editorial entitled "Truth versus Conscience," and sent it like an +arrow into the West. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +ADAH + + +I heard often from the farmhouse, and learned that Mr. Hearn had gone +to Europe almost immediately, but that he had returned in the latter +part of September, and had spent a week with his little girl, Mrs. +Bradford, his sister, accompanying him. "They seem to think Adela is +doing so well," Mrs. Yocomb wrote, "that they have decided to leave +her here through October. Adah spends part of every forenoon teaching +the little girls." In the latter part of November I received a letter +that made my heart beat thick and fast. + +"We expect thee to eat thy Thanksgiving dinner with us, and we expect +also a friend from the West. I think she will treat thee civilly. At +any rate we have a right to invite whom we please. We drew up a +petition to Emily, and all signed it. Father added a direful +postscript. He said, 'If thee won't come quietly, I will go after +thee. Thee thinks I am a man of peace, but there will be commotion and +violence in Ohio if thee doesn't come; so, strong-willed as thee is, +thee has got to yield for once.' She wrote father the funniest letter +in reply, in which she agreed, for the credit of the Society of +Friends, not to provoke him to extremities. She doesn't know thee is +coming, but I think she knows me well enough to be sure that thee +would be invited. Emily writes that she will not return to New York to +live, since she can obtain more scholars than she needs at Columbus." + +Mrs. Yocomb also added that Adah had left home that day for an +extended visit in the city, and she gave me her address. + +I had written to Adah more than once, and had made out a programme of +what we should do when she came to town. + +Quite early in the evening I started out to call upon her, but as I +drew near the house I saw that a handsome coupe stood before the door, +drawn by two horses, and that the coachman was in livery. My steps +were speedily arrested, for the door of the dwelling was opened, and +Mr. Hearn came out, accompanied by Adah. They entered the coupe and +were driven rapidly toward Fifth Avenue. I gave a long, low whistle, +and took two or three turns around the block, muttering, "Gilbert +Hearn, but you are shrewd. If you can't have the best thing in the +world, you'll have the next best. Come to think of it, she is the best +for you. If this comes about for Adah, I could throw my hat over +yonder steeple." + +I went back to the house, proposing to leave my card, and thus show +Adah that I was not inattentive. The interior of the dwelling, like +its exterior, was plain, but very substantial and elegant. The servant +handed my card to a lady passing through the hall. + +"Oh, thee is Richard Morton?" she said. "Cousin Ruth and Adah have +told us all about thee. Please come in, for I want to make thy +acquaintance. Adah will be so sorry to miss thee. She has gone out for +the evening." + +"If she will permit me," I said, "I will call to-morrow, on my way +downtown, for I wish to see her very much." + +"Do so, by all means. Come whenever thee can, and informally. Thee'll +always find a welcome here." + +Before I was aware I had spent an hour in pleasant chat, for with the +Yocombs as mutual friends we had common interests. + +Mrs. Winfield, my hostess, had all the elegance of Mrs. Bradford; but +there was also a simple, friendly heartiness in her manner that +stamped every word she spoke with sincerity. I was greatly pleased, +and felt that the wealthy banker and his sister could find no fault +with Adah's connections. + +She greeted me the next morning like the sister she had become in very +truth. + +"Oh, Richard!" she exclaimed, "I'm so glad to see thee. Why! thee's so +improved I'd hardly know thee. Seems to me thee's grown taller and +larger every way." + +"I fear I looked rather small sometimes in the country." + +"No, Richard, thee never looked small to me; but when I think what I +was when thee found me, I don't wonder thee went up to thy room in +disgust. I've thought a great deal since that day, and I've read some +too." + +"If you knew how proud of you I am now, it would turn your head." + +"Perhaps it isn't very strong. So thee's going to eat thy Thanksgiving +dinner at home. I shall be well out of the way." + +"You will never be in my way; but perhaps I might have been in +somebody's way had I come earlier last night." + +"I thought thee was blind," she said, an exquisite color coming into +her beautiful face. + +"Never to your interests, Adah. Count on me to the last drop." + +"Oh, Richard, thee has been so kind and helpful to me. Thee'll never +know all that's in my heart. When I think what I was when I first knew +thee, I wonder at it all." + +"Adah," I said, taking her hand, "you have become a genuine woman. The +expression of your face has changed, and it has become a fine example +of the truth, that even beauty follows the law of living growth--from +within outward. Higher thoughts, noble principle, and unselfishness +are making their impress. After our long separation I see the change +distinctly, and I feel it still more. You have won my honest respect, +Adah; I predict for you a happy life, and, what is more, you will make +others happy. People will be the better for being with you." + +"Well, Richard, now that we are brother and sister, I don't mind +telling thee that it was thee who woke me up. I was a fool before thee +came." + +"But the true, sweet woman was in your nature ready to be awakened. +Other causes would soon have produced the same effect." + +"Possibly; but I don't know anything about other causes. I do know +thee, and I trust thee with my whole heart, and I'm going to talk +frankly with thee because I want to ask thy advice. Thee knows how +near to death I came. I've thought a great deal about it. Having come +so near losing life, I began to think what life meant--what it was-- +and I was soon made to see how petty and silly my former life had +been. My heart just overflowed with gratitude toward thee. When thee +was so ill I would often lie awake whole nights thinking and trembling +lest thee should die. I felt so strangely, so weak and helpless, that +I stretched out my hands to thee, and thy strong hands caught and +sustained me through that time when I was neither woman nor child. +Thee never humiliated me by even a glance. Thee treated me with a +respect that I did not deserve, but which I want to deserve. I am not +strong, like Emily Warren, but I am trying to do right. Thee changed a +blind impulse into an abiding trust and sisterly affection. Thee may +think I'm giving thee a strange proof of my trust. I am going to tell +thee something that I've not told any one yet. Last evening Gilbert +Hearn took me to see his sister, Mrs. Bradford, and I spent the +evening with them and little Adela. Coming home he asked me to be his +wife. I was not so very greatly surprised, for he spent every First +Day in October at our house while Adela was with us, and he was very +attentive to me. Father and mother don't like it very much, but I +think they are a little prejudiced against him on thy account. I +believe thee will tell me the truth about him." + +"Adah dear, you _have_ honored me greatly. I will advise you just +as I would my own sister. What did you answer him last evening?" + +"I told him that I was a simple country girl, and not suited to be his +wife. Then he said that he had a right to his own views about that. He +said he wanted a genuine wife--one that would love him and his little +girl, and not a society woman, who would marry him for his money." + +"That is exceedingly sensible." + +"Yes, he said he wanted a home, and that he was fond of quiet home +life; that I came of a quiet, sincere people, and that he had seen +enough of me to know that he could trust me. He said also that I could +be both a mother and a companion to Adela, and that the child needed +just such a disposition as I had." + +I laughed as I said, "Mr. Hearn is sagacity itself. Even Solomon could +not act more wisely than he is seeking to act. But what does your +heart say to all this, Adah?" + +Her color deepened, and she averted her face. "Thee will think I'm +dreadfully matter-of-fact, Richard, but I think that perhaps we are +suited to each other. I've thought about it a great deal. As I said +before, my head isn't very strong. I couldn't understand half the +things thee thinks and writes about. I've seen that clearly. He +wouldn't expect a wife to understand his business, and he says he +wants to forget all about it when be comes home. He says he likes a +place full of beauty, repose, and genial light. He likes quiet dinner +parties made up of his business friends, and not literary people like +thee. We haven't got great, inquiring minds like thee and Emily +Warren." + +"You are making fun of me now, Adah. I fear Miss Warren has thrown me +over in disgust." + +"Nonsense, Richard. She loves thy little finger more than I am capable +of loving any man. She is strong and intense, and she could go with +thee in thought wherever thee pleases. I'm only Adah." + +"Yes, you are Adah, and the man who has the reputation of having the +best of everything in the city wants you badly, and with good reason. +But I want to know what _you_ want." + +"I want to know what thee thinks of it. I want thee to tell me about +him. Does thee know anything against him?" + +"No, Adah. Even when I feared he would disappoint my dearest hope, I +told your mother that he was an honorable man. He is exceedingly +shrewd in business, but I never heard of his doing anything that was +not square. I think he would make you a very kind, considerate +husband, and, as he says, you could do so much for his little girl. +But, rich as he is, Adah, he is not rich enough for you unless you can +truly love him." + +"I think I can love him in my quiet way. I think I would be happy in +the life I would lead with him. I'm fond of housekeeping, and very +fond of pretty things and of the city, as thee knows. Then I could do +so much for them all at home. Father and mother are growing old. +Father lent money some years ago, and lost it, and he and mother have +to work too hard. I could do so much for them and for Zillah, and that +would make me happy. But I am so simple, and I know so little, that I +fear I can't satisfy him." + +"I have no fear on that score. What I am anxious about is, will he +satisfy you? You can't realize how bent upon your happiness I am." + +"I thank thee, Richard. I was not wrong in coming to thee. Well, I +told him that I wanted to think it all over, and I asked him to do the +same. He said he had fully made up his mind and that his sister +heartily approved of his course, and had advised it. He said that he +would wait for me as long as I pleased. Now if thee thinks it's best, +thy words would have much influence with father and mother." + +I raised her hand to my lips, and said, feelingly: "Adah, I am very +grateful for this confidence. I feel more honored that you should have +come to me than if I had been made Governor. In view of what you have +said, I do think it's best. Mr. Hearn will always be kind and +considerate. He will be very proud of you, and you will grow rapidly +in those qualities that will adorn your high social position. Do not +undervalue yourself. Gilbert Hearn may well thank God for you every +day of his life." + +I went down to the office in a mood to write an interminable +Thanksgiving editorial, for it seemed as if the clouds were all +breaking away. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +THANKSGIVING DAY + + +On the day before Thanksgiving one of my associates clapped me on the +shoulder, and said, laughing: "Morton, what's the matter? You are as +nervous as a girl on her wedding-day. I've spoken to you twice, and +you've not answered. Has one of the dragons got the best of you?" + +I woke up, and said quietly, "It isn't a dragon this time." + +Oh, how vividly that evening comes back to me, as I walked swiftly +uptown! It would have been torture to have ridden in a lumbering stage +or crawling street-car. I scarcely knew what I thrust into my +travelling bag. I had no idea what I ate for dinner, and only remember +that I scalded myself slightly with hot coffee. Calling a coupe, I +dashed off to a late train that passed through the village nearest to +the farmhouse. + +It had been arranged that I should come the following morning, and +that Reuben should meet me, but I proposed to give them a surprise. I +could not wait one moment longer than I must. I had horrible dreams in +the stuffy little room at the village inn, but consoled myself with +the thought that "dreams go by contraries." + +After a breakfast on which mine host cleared two hundred per cent, I +secured a light wagon and driver, and started for the world's one +Mecca for me. My mind was in a tumult of mingled hope and fear, and I +experienced all a young soldier's trepidation when going into his +first battle. If she had not come: if she would not listen to me. The +cold perspiration would start out on my brow at the very thought. What +a mockery Thanksgiving Day would ever become if my hopes were +disappointed. Even now I cannot recall that interminable ride without +a faint awakening of the old unrest. + +When within half a mile of the house I dismissed my driver, and +started on at a tremendous pace; but my steps grew slower and slower, +and when the turn of the road revealed the dear old place just before +me, I leaned against a wall faint and trembling. I marked the spot on +which I had stood when the fiery bolt descended, and some white +shingles indicated the place on the mossy roof where it had burned its +way into the home that even then enshrined my dearest treasures. I saw +the window at which Emily Warren had directed the glance that had +sustained my hope for months. I looked wistfully at the leafless, +flowerless garden, where I had first recognized my Eve. "Will her +manner be like the present aspect of that garden?" I groaned. I saw +the arbor in which I had made my wretched blunder. I had about broken +myself of profanity, but an ugly expression slipped out (I hope the +good angel makes allowances for human nature). Recalling the vow I had +made in that arbor, I snatched up my valise and did not stop till I +had mounted the piazza. Further suspense was unendurable. My approach +had been unnoted, nor had I seen any of the family. Noiselessly as +possible I opened the door and stood within the hallway. I heard Mrs. +Yocomb's voice in the kitchen. Reuben was whistling upstairs, and +Zillah singing her doll to sleep in the dining-room. I took these +sounds to be good omens. If she had not come there would not have been +such cheerfulness. + +With silent tread I stole to the parlor door. At my old seat by the +window was Emily Warren, writing on a portfolio in her lap. For a +second a blur came over my vision, and then I devoured her with my +eyes as the famishing would look at food. + +Had she changed? Yes, but only to become tenfold more beautiful, for +her face now had that indescribable charm which suffering, nobly +endured, imparts. I could have knelt to her like a Catholic to his +patron saint. + +She felt my presence, for she looked up quickly. The portfolio dropped +from her lap; she was greatly startled, and instinctively put her hand +to her side; still I thought I saw welcome dawning in her eyes; but at +this moment Zillah sprang into my arms and half smothered me with +kisses. Her cries of delight brought Reuben tearing down the stairs, +and Mrs. Yocomb, hastening from the kitchen, left the mark of her +floury arm on the collar of my coat as she gave me a motherly salute. +Their welcome was so warm, spontaneous, and real that tears came into +my eyes, for I felt that I was no longer a lonely man without kindred. + +But after a moment or two I broke away from them and turned to Miss +Warren, for after all my Thanksgiving Day depended upon her. + +She had become very pale, but her eyes were glistening at the honest +feeling she had witnessed. + +I held out my hand, and asked, in a low voice, "May I stay?" + +"I could not send you away from such friends, Mr. Morton," she said +gently, "even had I the right," and she held out her hand. + +I think I hurt it, for I grasped it as if I were drowning. + +Reuben had raced down to the barn to call his father, who now followed +him back at a pace that scarcely became his age and Quaker tenets. + +"Richard," he called, as soon as he saw me, "welcome home! Thee's been +a long time coming, and yet thee's stolen a march on us after all. +Reuben was just going for thee. How did thee get here? There's no +train so early." + +"Oh, I came last night. A ship's cable couldn't hold me the moment I +could get away." + +"Mother, I think that's quite a compliment to us old people," he +began, with the humorous twinkle that I so well remembered in his +honest eyes. "Has thee seen Adah?" + +"Yes, indeed, and she sent more love than I could carry to you all. +She looked just lovely, and I nearly forgot to go down town that +morning." + +Miss Warren was about to leave the room, but the old gentleman caught +her hand and asked: + +"Where is thee going, Emily?" + +"Pardon me; I thought you would all have much to say to Mr. Morton." + +"So we have, to be sure. We won't get half through to-day, but that's +no reason for thy leaving us. We are all one family under this roof, +thank God, and I'm going to thank Him to-day in good old style and no +make-believe;" and he kept her hand as she sat down by him. + +"If you knew how homesick I've often been you would realize how much +good your words do me," she replied gratefully. + +"So thee's been homesick, has thee? Well, thee didn't let us know." + +"What good would it have done? I couldn't come before." + +"Well, I am kind of glad thee was homesick. The missing wasn't all on +our side. Why, Richard, thee never saw such a disconsolate household +as we were after Emily left. I even lost my appetite--didn't I, +mother?--and that's more than I've done for any lady since Ebenezer +Holcomb cut me out of thy company at a picnic--let me see, how many +years ago is it, mother?" + +"Thee doesn't think I remember such foolishness, I hope," said the old +lady; but with a rising color almost pretty as the blush I had seen so +recently on Adah's face. + +Mr. Yocomb leaned back and laughed. "See mother blush," he cried. +"Poor Ebenezer!" + +"Thee'll want more than light nonsense for thy dinner by and by, so I +must go back to the kitchen." + +As she turned away she gave a sweet suggestion of the blushing girl +for whom Ebenezer had sighed in vain, and I said emphatically, "Yes, +indeed, Mr. Yocomb, you may well say 'Poor Ebenezer!' How in the world +did he ever survive it?" + +"Thee's very sympathetic, Richard." + +Miss Warren looked at him threateningly. + +I tried to laugh it off, and said, "Even if he had a millstone for a +heart, it must have broken at such a loss." + +"Oh, don't thee worry. He's a hale and hearty grandfather to-day." + +Miss Warren broke into a laugh that set all my nerves tingling. "Yes," +she cried, "I thought it would end in that way." + +"Why, Emily, bless thee!" said Mrs. Yocomb, running in, "I haven't +heard thee laugh so since thee came." + +"She's at her old tricks," said her husband; "laughing at Richard and +me." + +I found her merriment anything but reassuring, and I muttered under my +breath: "Perdition on Ebenezer and his speedy comfort! I hope she +don't class me with him." + +Very soon Mrs. Yocomb appeared again, and said: "Father, thee must +take them all out to drive. I can't do anything straight while I hear +you all talking and laughing, for my thoughts are with you. I've put +salt into one pie already. A Thanksgiving dinner requires one's whole +mind." + +"Bustle, bustle, all get ready. Mother's mistress of this house on +Thanksgiving Day, if at no other time. We're commanded to obey the +'powers that be,' and if the woman who can get up such a dinner as +mother can isn't a 'power,' I'd like to know where we'll find one. I'm +very meek and respectful on Thanksgiving morning. Get on thy wraps, +Emily. No mutiny before dinner." + +She seemed very ready to go, for I think she dreaded being left alone +with me. I, too, was glad to gain time, for I was strangely unnerved +and apprehensive. She avoided meeting my eyes, and was inscrutable. + +In a few moments we were in the family rockaway, bowling over the +country at a grand pace. + +"Mother's shrewd," said Mr. Yocomb; "she knew that a ride like this in +the frosty air would give us an appetite for any kind of a dinner, but +it will make hers taste like the Feast of Tabernacles. Let 'em go, +Reuben, let 'em go!" + +"Do you call this a Quaker pace?" asked Miss Warren, who sat with +Zillah on the back seat. + +"Yes, I'm acting just as I feel moved. Thee's much too slow for a +Friend, Emily. Now I'll wager thee a plum that Richard likes it. +Doesn't thee, Richard?" + +"Suppose a wheel should come off," I suggested. "I'm awfully nervous +to-day. I was sure the train would break down or run off the track +last night; then I had horrible dreams at the hotel." + +"Why, Mr. Morton!" Miss Warren exclaimed, "what did you eat for +supper?" + +"Bless me! I don't know. Come to think of it, I didn't have any." + +"Did thee have any breakfast?" asked Mr. Yocomb, who seemed greatly +amused. + +"I believe so. I went through the motions." + +"Drive slow, Reuben; Richard's afraid he'll have his neck broken +before dinner;" and they all had a great laugh at my expense. + +"I've won the plum this time," cried Miss Warren. + +"Thee has indeed, and thee deserves it sure enough." + +I looked around at her, but could not catch her eyes. My efforts to +emulate Mr. Yocomb's spirit were superhuman, but my success was +indifferent. I was too anxious, too doubtful concerning the girl who +was so gentle and yet so strong. She had far more quietude and self- +mastery than I, and with good reason, for she was mistress of the +situation. Still, I gathered hope every hour, for I felt that her face +would not be so happy, so full of brightness, if she proposed to send +me away disappointed, or even put me off on further probation. +Nevertheless, my Thanksgiving Day would not truly begin until my hope +was confirmed. + +Dinner was smoking on the table when we returned, and it was so +exceedingly tempting that I enjoyed its aroma with much of Mr. +Yocomb's satisfaction, and I sat down at his right, feeling that if +one question were settled I would be the most thankful man in the +land. + +We bowed our heads in grace; but after a moment Mr. Yocomb arose, and +with uplifted face repeated words that might have been written for the +occasion, so wonderfully adapted to human life is the Book of God. + + "'Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His +holy name. + +"'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: "'Who +forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; + +"'Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with +loving kindness and tender mercies. + +"'Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is +renewed like the eagle's.'" + + Never was there a grace so full of grace before. If a kind earthly +father looks with joy on his happy children, so surely the divine +Father must have smiled upon us. In the depths of my heart I respected +a faith that was so simple, genuine, and full of sunshine. Truly, it +had come from heaven, and not from the dyspeptic creeds of cloistered +theologians. + +"Father," cried Zillah, "thee looked like my picture of King David." + +"Well, I'm in a royal mood," replied her father, "and I don't believe +King David ever had half so good a dinner as mother has provided. Such +a dinner, Richard, is the result of genius. All the cookbooks in the +world couldn't account for it, and I don't believe mother has read one +of them." + +"Thee must give Cynthia part of the credit," protested his wife. + +"She's the woman who says 'Lord a massy,' and insists that I was +struck with lightning, isn't she?" and I glanced toward Miss Warren, +but she wouldn't meet my eye. Her deepening color told of a busy +memory, however. Mr. Yocomb began to laugh so heartily that he dropped +his knife and fork on the table and leaned back in his chair quite +overcome. + +"Father, behave thyself," his wife remonstrated. + +At last the old gentleman set to work in good earnest. "Emily," he +said, "this is that innocent young gobbler that thee so commiserated. +Thee hasn't the heart to eat him, surely." + +"I'll take a piece of the breast, if you please." + +"Wouldn't thee like his heart?" + +"No, I thank you." + +"What part would thee like, Richard?" + +"Anything but his wings and legs. They would remind me how soon I must +go back to awful New York." + +"Not before Second Day." + +"Yes, sir, to-morrow morning. An editor's play-spells are few and far +between." + +"Well, Richard, thee thrives on work," said Mrs. Yocomb. + +"Yes. I've found it good for me." + +"And you have done good work, Mr. Morton," added Miss Warren. "I like +your paper far better now." + +"But you stopped it." + +"Did you find that out?" + +"Indeed I did, and very quickly." + +"My cousin, Mrs. Vining, took the paper." + +"Yes, I know that, too." + +"Why, Mr. Morton! do you keep track of all your readers? The +circulation of your paper cannot be large." + +"I looked after Mrs. Vining carefully, but no further." + +"I shall certainly tell her of your interest," she said, with her old +mirthful gleam. + +"Please do. The people at the office would be agape with wonder if +they knew of the influence resulting from Mrs. Vining's name being on +the subscription list." + +"Not a disastrous influence, I trust?" + +"It has occasioned us some hot work. My chief says that nearly all the +dragons in the country are stirred up." + +"And some of them have been sorely wounded-I've noted that too," said +the girl, flushing with pleasure in spite of herself. + +"Yes, please tell Mrs. Vining that also. Credit should be given where +it's due." + +Her laugh now rang out with its old-time genuineness. "Cousin Adelaide +would be more agape than the people of your office. I think the +dragons owe their tribulations to your disposition to fight them." + +"If you could see some words in illuminated text over my desk you +would know better." + +"Mr. Yocomb, don't you think we are going to have an early winter?" +she asked abruptly, with a fine color in her face. + +"I don't think it's going to be cold--not very cold, Emily. There are +prospects of a thaw to-day;" and the old gentleman leaned back in his +chair and shook with suppressed merriment. + +"Father, behave thyself. Was there ever such a man!" Mrs. Yocomb +exclaimed reproachfully. + +"I know you think there never was and never will be, Mrs. Yocomb," I +cried, controlling myself with difficulty, for the old gentleman's +manner was irresistibly droll and instead of the pallor that used to +make my heart ache, Miss Warren's face was like a carnation rose. My +hope grew apace, for her threatening looks at Mr. Yocomb contained no +trace of pain or deep annoyance, while the embarrassment she could not +hide so enhanced her loveliness that it was a heavy cross to withhold +my eager eyes. Reuben kindly came to our relief, for he said: + +"I tell thee what it is, mother: I feel as if we ought to have Dapple +in here with us." + +"Emily, wouldn't thee rather have Old Plod?" Mr. Yocomb asked. + +"No!" she replied brusquely; and this set her kind tormentor off once +more. + +But an earnest look soon came into his face, and he said, with eyes +moist with feeling: + +"Well, this is a time of thanksgiving, and never before in all my life +has my heart seemed so full of gladness and gratitude. Richard, I +crept in this old home when I was a baby, and I whistled through the +house just as Reuben does. In this very room my dear old father +trimmed my jacket for me, God bless him! Oh, I deserved it richly; but +mother's sorrowful looks cut deeper, I can tell thee. It was to this +home I brought the prettiest lass in the county--what am I saying?-- +the prettiest lass in the world. No offence to thee, Emily; thee +wasn't alive then. If every man had such a home as thee has made for +me and the children, mother, the millennium would begin before next +Thanksgiving. In this house my children were born, and here they have +played. I've seen their happy faces in every nook and corner, and with +everything I have a dear association. In this home we bade good-by to +our dear little Ruth; she's ours still, mother, and she is at home, +too, as we are; but everything in this house that our little angel +child touched has become sacred to me. Ah, Richard, there are some +things in life that thee hasn't learned yet, and all the books +couldn't teach thee; but what I have said to thee reveals a little of +my love for this old home. How I love those whom God has given me, +only He knows. Well, He directed thy random steps to us one day last +June, and we welcomed thee as a stranger. But thee has a different +welcome to-day, Richard--a very different welcome. Thee doesn't like +to hear about it; but we never forget." + +"No, Richard, we never forget," Mrs. Yocomb breathed softly. + +"Do you think, sir, that I forget the unquestioning hospitality that +brought me here? Can you think, Mrs. Yocomb, I ever forget the words +you spoke to me in yonder parlor on the evening of my arrival? or that +I should have died but for your devoted and merciful care? This day, +with its hopes, teaches me how immeasurable would have been my loss, +for my prospects then were not bright for either world. Rest assured, +dear friends, I have my memories too. The service I rendered you any +man would have given, and it was my unspeakable good-fortune to be +here. But the favors which I have received have been royal; they are +such as I could not receive from others, because others would be +incapable of bestowing them." + +"You are right, Mr. Morton," Miss Warren began impetuously, her lovely +eyes full of tears. "I, too, have received kindnesses that could not +come from others, because others would not know how to confer them +with your gentleness and mercy, Mrs. Yocomb. Oh! oh! I wish I could +make you and your husband know how I thank you. I, too, never forget. +But if we talk this way any more, I shall have to make a hasty +retreat." "Well, I should say this _was_ a thanksgiving dinner," +remarked Reuben sententiously. + +Since we couldn't cry, we all laughed, and I thanked the boy for +letting us down so cleverly. The deep feeling that memories would +evoke in spite of ourselves sank back into the depths of our hearts. +The shadow on our faces passed like an April cloud, and the sunshine +became all the sweeter and brighter. + +"If Adah were only here!" I cried. "I miss her more and more every +moment, and the occasion seems wholly incomplete without her." + +"Yes, dear child, I miss her too, more than I can tell you," said Mrs. +Yocomb, her eyes growing very tender and wistful. "She's thinking of +us. Doesn't thee think she has improved? She used to read those +magazines thee sent her till I had to take them away and send her to +bed." + +"I can't tell you how proud I am of Adah. It was like a June day to +see her fair sweet face in the city, and it would have had done your +hearts good if you could have heard how she spoke of you all." + +"Adah is very proud of her big brother, too, I can tell thee. She +quotes thy opinions on all occasions." + +"The one regret of my visit is that I shall not see her," Miss Warren +said earnestly. "Mrs. Yocomb, I have those roses she gave me the day +before I left you last summer, and I shall always keep them. I told +Cousin Adelaide that they were given to me by the best and most +beautiful girl in the world." + +"God bless the girl!" ejaculated Mr. Yocomb; "she has become a great +comfort and joy to me;" and his wife smiled softly and tenderly. + +"Adah is so good to me," cried Zillah, "that if Emily hadn't come I +wouldn't have half enjoyed the day." + +"What does thee think of that view of the occasion, Richard?" asked +Mr. Yocomb. + +"Zillah and I always agreed well together," I said; "but I wish Adah +knew how much we miss her." + +"She shall know," said her mother. "I truly wish we had all of our +children with us to-day; for, Richard, we have adopted thee and Emily +without asking your consent. I think the lightning fused us all +together." + +I looked with a quick flash toward Miss Warren, but her eyes were on +the mother, and they were full of a daughter's love. + +"Dear Mrs. Yocomb," I replied, in a voice not over-steady, "you know +that as far as fusing was concerned I was the worst struck of you all, +and this day proves that I am no longer without kindred." + +But how vain the effort to reproduce the light and shade that filled +the quaint, simple room! How vain the attempt to make the myriad +ripples of that hour flow and sparkle again, each one of us meanwhile +conscious of the depths beneath them! + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +RIPPLES ON DEEP WATER + + +After dinner was over, Reuben cried, "Come, Zillah, I'm going out with +Dapple, and I'll give thee a ride that'll settle thy dinner. Emily, +thee hasn't petted Dapple to-day. Thee's very forgetful of one of thy +best friends." + +"Do you know," said Miss Warren to me as we followed the boy, "Reuben +sent Dapple's love to me every time he wrote?" + +"It's just what Dapple would have done himself if he could. Did you +refuse to receive it?" + +"No, indeed. Why should I?" + +"Oh, I'm not jealous; only I can't help thinking that the horse had +greater privileges than I." + +She bit her lip, and her color deepened, but instead of answering she +tripped away from me toward the barn. Dapple came prancing out, and +whinnied as soon as he saw her. + +"Oh, he knows thee as well as I do," said Reuben. "He thinks thee's a +jolly good girl. Thee's kind of cut me out; but I owe thee no grudge. +See how he'll come to thee now," and sure enough, the horse came and +put his nose in her hand, where he found a lump of sugar. + +"I won't give you fine words only, Dapple," she said, and the +beautiful animal's spirited eyes grew mild and gentle as if he +understood her perfectly. + +"Heaven grant that she gives me more than words!" I muttered. + +While Reuben was harnessing Dapple, Miss Warren entered the barn, +saying: + +"I feel a little remorseful over my treatment of Old Plod, and think I +will go and speak to him." + +"May I be present at the interview?" + +"Certainly." + +Either the old horse had grown duller and heavier than ever, or else +was offended by her long neglect, for he paid her but little +attention, and kept his head down in his manger. + +"Dapple would not treat you like that, even if you hadn't a lump of +sugar in your hand." + +"Dapple is peculiar," she remarked. + +"Do you mean a little ill-balanced? He was certainly very precipitate +on one occasion." + +"Yes, but he had the grace to stop before he did any harm." + +"But suppose he couldn't stop? Did Old Plod give you any more advice?" + +"Mr. Morton, you must cub your editorial habit of inquiring into +everything. Am I a dragon?" + +"I fear you more than all the dragons put together." + +"Then you are a brave man to stay." + +"Not at all. To run away would be worse than death." + +"What an awful dilemma you are in! It seems to me, however, the +coolest veteran in the land could not have made a better dinner while +in such peril." + +"I had scarcely eaten anything since yesterday morning. Moreover, I +was loyally bound to compliment Mrs. Yocomb's efforts in the only way +that would have satisfied her." + +"That reminds me that I ought to go and help Mrs. Yocomb clear away +the vast debris of such a dinner." + +"Miss Warren, I have only this afternoon and evening." + +"Truly, Mr. Morton, the pathos in your tones would move a post" + +"But will it move you? That's the question that concerns me. Will you +take a walk with me?" + +"Indeed, I think I must go now, if I would not be thought more +insensible than a post. Wait till I put on more wraps, and do you get +your overcoat, sir, or you will take cold." + +"Yes, I'm awfully afraid I shall be chilled, and the overcoat wouldn't +help me. Nevertheless, I'll do your bidding in this, as in all +respects." + +"What a lamblike frame of mind!" she cried; but her step up the piazza +was light and quick. + +"She could not so play with me if she meant to be cruel, for she has +not a feline trait," I murmured, as I pulled on my ulster. "This +genial day has been my ally, and she has not the heart to embitter it. +So far from finding 'other interests,' she must have seen that time +has intensified the one chief interest of my life. Oh, it would be +like death to be sent away again. How beautiful she has become in her +renewed health! Her great spiritual eyes make me more conscious of the +woman-angel within her than of a flesh-and-blood girl. Human she is +indeed, but never of the earth, earthy. Even when I take her hand, now +again so plump and pretty, I feel the exquisite thrill of her life +within. It's like touching a spirit, were such a thing possible. I +crushed her hand this morning, brute that I was! It's been red all +day. Well, Heaven speed me now!" + +"What! talking to yourself again, Mr. Morton?" asked Miss Warren, +suddenly appearing, and looking anything but spirit-like, with her +rich color and substantial wraps. + +"It's a habit of lonely people," I said. + +"The idea of a man being lonely among such crowds as you must meet!" + +"I have yet to learn that a crowd makes company." + +"Wouldn't you like to ask Mr. Yocomb to go with us?" + +"No," I replied, very brusquely. + +"I fear your lamblike mood is passing away." + +"Not at all. Moreover, I'm a victim of remorse--I hurt your hand this +morning." + +"Yes, you did." + +"I've hurt you a great many times." + +"I'm alive, thank you, and have had a good dinner." + +"Yes, you are very much alive. Are you very amiable after dinner?" + +"No; that's a trait belonging to men alone. I now understand your +lamblike mood. But where are you going, Mr. Morton? You are walking at +random, and have brought up against the barn." + +"Oh, I see. Wouldn't you like to visit Old Plod again?" + +"No, I thank you; he has forgotten me." + +"By the way, we are friends, are we not, and can be very +confidential?" + +"If you have any doubt, you had better be prudent and reticent." + +"I wish I could find some sweetbrier; I'd give you the whole bush." + +"Do you think I deserve a thorny experience?" + +"You know what I think. When was there an hour when you did not look +through me as if I were glass. But we are confidential friends, are we +not?" + +"Well, for the sake of argument we may imagine ourselves such." + +"To be logical, then, I must tell you something of which I have not +yet spoken to any one. I called on Adah the evening I learned she was +in town, and I saw her enter an elegant coupe driven by a coachman in +stunning livery. A millionaire of your acquaintance accompanied her." + +"What!" she exclaimed, her face becoming fairly radiant. + +I nodded very significantly. + +"For shame, Mr. Morton! What a gossip you are!" but her laugh rang out +like a chime of silver bells. + +At that moment Mr. Yocomb appeared on the piazza, and he applauded +loudly, "Good for thee, Emily," he cried, "that sounds like old +times." + +"Come away, quick," I said, and I strode rapidly around the barn. + +"Do you expect me to keep up with you?" she asked, stopping short and +looking so piquant and tempting that I rejoined her instantly. + +"I'll go as slow as you please. I'll do anything under heaven you bid +me." + +"You treat Mr. Yocomb very shabbily." + +"You won't make me go after him, will you?" + +"Why, Mr. Morton? What base ingratitude and after such a dinner, too." + +"You know how ill-balanced I am." + +"I fear you are growing worse and worse." + +"I am, indeed. Left to myself, I should be the most unbalanced man in +the world." + +"Mr. Morton, your mind is clearly unsettled. I detected the truth the +first day I saw you." + +"No, my mind, such as it is, is made up irrevocably and forever. I +must tell you that I can't afford to keep a coupe." + +"There is a beautiful sequence in your remarks. Then you ought not to +keep one. But why complain. There are always omnibuses within call." + +"Are you fond of riding in an omnibus?" + +"What an irrelevant question! Suppose I followed your example, and ask +what you think of the Copernican system?" "You can't be ill-balanced +if you try, and your question is not in the least irrelevant. The +Copernican system is true, and illustrates my position exactly. There +is a heavenly body, radiant with light and beauty, that attracts me +irresistibly. The moment I came within her influence my orbit was +fixed." + +"Isn't your orbit a little eccentric?" she asked, with averted face. +"Still your figure may be very apt. Another body of greater attraction +would carry you off into space," + +"There is no such body in existence." + +"Mr. Morton, we were talking about omnibuses." + +"And you have not answered my question." + +"Since we are such confidential friends, I will tell you a profound +secret. I prefer street cars to omnibuses, and would much rather ride +in one than in a carriage that I could not pay for." + +"Well, now, that's sensible." + +"Yes, quite matter-of-fact. Where are you going, Mr. Morton?" + +"Wherever you wish--even to Columbus." + +"What! run away from your work and duty? Where is your conscience?" + +"Where my heart is." + +"Oh, both are in Columbus. I should think it inconvenient to have them +so far off." + +I tried to look in her eyes, but she turned them away. + +"I can prove that my conscience was in Columbus; I consulted you on +every question I discussed in the paper." + +"Nonsense! you never wrote me a line." + +"I was enjoined not to in a way that made my blood run cold. But I +thought Mrs. Vining's opinions might be influenced by a member of her +family, and I never wrote a line unmindful of that influence." + +Again her laugh rang out. "I should call the place where you wrote the +Circumlocution Office. Well, to keep up your way of doing things, that +member of the family read most critically all you wrote." + +"How could you tell my work from that of others?" + +"Oh, I could tell every line from your hand as if spoken to me." + +"Well, fair critic?" + +"Never compliment a critic. It makes them more severe." + +"I could do so much better if you were in New York." + +"What! Do you expect me to go into the newspaper business?" + +"You are in it now--you are guiding me. You are the inspiration of my +best work, and you know it." + +We had now reached a point where the lane wound through a hemlock +grove. My hope was glad and strong, but I resolved at once to remove +all shadow of fear, and I shrank from further probation. Therefore I +stopped decisively, and said in a voice that faltered not a little: + +"Emily, our light words are but ripples that cover depths which in my +case reach down through life and beyond it. You are my fate. I knew it +the day I first met you. I know it now with absolute conviction." + +She turned a little away from me and trembled. + +"Do you remember this?" I asked, and I took from my pocketbook the +withered York and Lancaster rosebud. + +She gave it a dark glance, and her crimson face grew pale. + +"Too well," she replied, in a low tone. + +I threw it down and ground it under my heel; then, removing my hat, I +said: + +"I am at your mercy. You are the stronger, and your foot is on my +neck." + +She turned on me instantly, and her face was aflame with her eager +imperious demand to know the truth. Taking both my hands in a tense, +strong grasp, she looked into my eyes as if she would read my very +soul. "Richard," she said, in a voice that was half entreaty, half +command, "in God's name, tell me the truth--the whole truth. Do you +respect me at heart? Do you trust me? Can you trust me as Mr. Yocomb +trusts his wife?" + +"I will make no comparisons," I replied, gently. "Like the widow in +the Bible, I give you all I have." + +Her tense grasp relaxed, her searching eyes melted into love itself, +and I snatched her to my heart. + +"What were the millions I lost compared with this dowry!" she +murmured. "I knew it--I've known it all day, ever since you crushed my +hand. Oh, Richard, your rude touch healed a sore heart." + +"Emily," I said, with a low laugh, "that June day was the day of fate +after all." + +"It was, indeed. I wish I could make you know how gladly I accept +mine. Oh, Richard, I nearly killed myself trying not to love you. It +was fate, or something better." + +"Then suppose we change the figure, and say our match was made in +heaven." + +I will not attempt to describe that evening at the farmhouse. We were +made to feel that it was our own dear home--a safe, quiet haven ever +open to us when we wished to escape from the turmoil of the world. I +thank God for our friends there, and their unchanging truth. + +I accompanied Emily to Columbus, but I went after her again in the +spring and for a time she made her home with Mrs. Yocomb. + +Adah was married at Mrs. Winfield's large city mansion, for Mr. Hearn +had a host of relatives and friends whom he wished present. The +farmhouse would not have held a tithe of them, and the banker was so +proud of his fair country flower that he seemed to want the whole +world to see her. + +We were married on the anniversary of the day of our fate, and in the +old garden where I first saw my Eve, my truth. She has never tempted +me to aught save good deeds and brave work. + +THE END + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Day Of Fate, by E. P. 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