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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #60809 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/60809)
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-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 60809 ***
-
- GRAVY TRAIN
-
- By DANIEL F. GALOUYE
-
- _Ever hear of evil fairies who
- grant three wishes? McWorther's
- was more efficient. One wish
- was plenty to bring catastrophe!_
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1960.
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
- I
-
-At one hundred and thirty, life was indeed gratifying for Titus
-McWorther. But for one missing detail, it would have been perfect.
-
-With his wife, Edna, he had planned well for retirement. His
-idyllic estate consisted of a second-hand planetoid, thirty miles in
-circumference, which was the only habitable piece of matter in its
-system. Complete with supplementary gravity generator, a compact
-atmosphere, a mantle of lush topsoil and a carefully selected biota,
-McWorther's World was both his delight and his pride.
-
-Its principal asset was, of course, its isolation.
-
-Well away from the mainstream of galactic civilization, McWorther's
-Star was smugly hidden behind a dark nebula, through which he and Edna
-plunged twice a year to the fringe of the cluster--just to observe and
-mock convention, if for nothing else.
-
-It was an ideal setup.
-
-But, after two sedentary years, Titus realized he still needed one item
-to make his retirement complete. So he dispatched this tight-beamed
-message to the packet order department of Rear-Sobucks and Company in
-the West Cluster Federation's Hub City:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- Please send one automatic bather with back-scrubbing attachment
- and toy boat docks, as listed in your videolog under order
- No. 4678-25C. Charge same to credit account No. W414754-B24D.
-
- Sincerely yours,
- Titus McWorther, Potentate
- McWorther's World
-
-He listed the coordinates of the star and the orbital factor of his
-planetoid.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Unfortunately, the hyper-spatial line between McWorther's World and
-the nearest relay center was partly coincident with the link to the
-politically noncommitted world of Gauyuth-VI.
-
-This condition, together with the fact that components of a
-communication are sent by separate pulse, sometimes leads to the
-embarrassing phenomenon known as "message interfusion," which is
-retransmission of the right text with the wrong signature.
-
-And it so happened that as Titus McWorther's order was en route, the
-system was also being burdened with this intelligence to the Ganymede
-Extension of the Western Cluster's State Department:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- This will verify our agreement and authorize implementation of
- interstellar aid arrangements as set forth in conferences with your
- ambassador. If such arrangements produce mutual satisfaction, we
- will quite readily declare concurrence, in principle at least, with
- the political aims of the Western Cluster.
-
- Respectfully yours,
- Ogarm Netath,
- Prime Minister
- Gauyuth-VI
-
-Appended to the signature were the coordinates of Gauyuth and the
-orbital factor of its Number Six planet.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Wharton Hoverly, undersecretary of cosmic aid for the Western Cluster,
-plucked at his thick, gray mustache as he reread the space-o-gram.
-
-He punched the videobox stud. "Mallston!"
-
-The younger and more composed face of his assistant stared from the
-screen. "Yes, sir?"
-
-"Anything yet?"
-
-"Not a thing. We have no record of a--McWorther's World."
-
-"What do you suppose?"
-
-"Well, it seems authentic enough. We do know Ambassador Summerson has
-been working in that general area."
-
-"And you think Summerson signed an aid agreement with this potentate?"
-
-"I'd say the message speaks for itself."
-
-Again, Hoverly worried his mustache. "Did you check with Summerson?"
-
-"He's on extended leave."
-
-"What do you think we ought to do?"
-
-"McWorther's World must be a critical area. And evidently we're going
-to get what we want out of the deal, since the Potentate speaks of
-concurrence with Western Cluster aims."
-
-Impatiently, the undersecretary glanced out the window. Ganymede was
-well out of the Jovian umbra now. If he didn't leave soon, he'd be late
-for his conference with the commerce department on Farside Luna.
-
-"All right, Mallston," he said. "Put McWorther's World on a Class A aid
-schedule. That ought to hold the Potentate until Summerson gets back."
-
- * * * * *
-
-In the commercial section of Hub City, Rear-Sobucks and Company
-occupied a monstrous building whose emblematic tip pierced the clouds.
-
-On the two hundredth floor, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-strode through the rail gate, tossed the secretary a
-"don't-bother-to-announce-me" glance and went on into the inner office
-of the twenty-sixth vice-president.
-
-"Got something I thought you'd be interested in, V.R.," he told the
-limp-faced man behind the desk. "There may be a promotion angle."
-
-"What is it?" V.R. asked, not exactly gripping his chair with
-anticipation.
-
-The other placed the space-o-gram on the desk. "It's from an Ogarm
-Netath, _prime minister_ of a place called Gauyuth-Six. He wants an
-automatic bather."
-
-V.R. extended a "so what?" glare.
-
-"Don't you see? Big shots like that don't place personal orders. But
-here's one who thinks so much of a Rear-Sobucks item that he forgets
-all about convention."
-
-"And so, Wheeler, you want to capitalize on his good name in some sort
-of promotion gimmick," V.R. said through taut lips.
-
-Wheeler shrank. "But I thought--"
-
-"Never mind what you thought. Fill his order. Send it compliments
-of--let's see, Gauyuth-Six is uncommitted--compliments of the Western
-Cluster."
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was a fine morning on McWorther's World. Cotton-candy clouds floated
-over the fields. Dreaming herons, balanced on slender legs, gave
-the shallows of the lake a tufted appearance. A delightful breeze,
-artificially generated at the equator, wafted flowering stalks and
-rocked the air car and spaceabout at their moorings.
-
-Titus snorted on the veranda and reached for his julep. He was a chunky
-little man, with the ruddiness of good health tinting his face and
-overflowing onto his partly bald pate.
-
-"Where are you, Titus?" an anxious voice disturbed the quiet of the
-house.
-
-"Out here, Love."
-
-Edna appeared in the doorway. Despite her age, there was still the
-fascination in her timeless eyes that had snared Titus more than ninety
-years ago.
-
-"The chef burned the beans again," she said, frowning.
-
-"Guess I'll have to fix it."
-
-"You know it's not the cooker. It's that darned gravity."
-
-He realized now it was a weight fluctuation that had nudged him from
-his nap.
-
-"I've got it _set_ that way, Love," he explained. "We did not get
-clouds in the contract. But by varying the gravity control we can have
-them for nothing. It all has to do with atmospheric pressure."
-
-Edna cast a resigned glance skyward. "If that's the way you want
-it--fleecy clouds and burnt beans--"
-
-The guttural scream of braking jets rattled the windows and sent the
-herons winging for the safety of the other hemisphere. Hesitating on
-the fringe of the atmosphere, the freighter altered its approach and
-landed beside the house.
-
-Titus went out to meet the skipper and his three assistants whose arms
-were filled with printed forms.
-
-"You Potentate McWorther?" the skipper asked.
-
-Titus smiled in embarrassment. "It's a gag. I just call myself that."
-
-"We got your order," the other snapped. "Where do you want it?"
-
-Titus' small eyes widened with an inner vision of the automatic
-bather--a vision which went on in speculation to dispose of the crude
-shower-masseur, for which he and Edna were getting a bit too old.
-
-"If you'll put it on the veranda--" He paused and shouted back toward
-the house. "Edna, get out the grapplers. We're in business."
-
-"Fun-ny," the skipper observed with dry derision. Then he signaled to
-his waiting assistants.
-
-They came forward and, one by one, thrust their stacks of printed
-forms against Titus' chest. His arms came up in a reflex to accept the
-offerings. But, as the third assistant's contribution sent the stack
-soaring in front of his face, he went down under the weight.
-
-When he had extricated himself from the mound of paper, the men had
-returned to their ship. And now its sides were folding down and scores
-of huge crates were drifting out on repulsor beams and fluttering to
-the ground.
-
-Soon the freighter was gone and Edna was at his side.
-
-"What _have_ you gotten us into now, Titus?"
-
-"Honest, Love--I don't know."
-
-Suddenly his ears were splitting with the thunderous roar of a thousand
-ships plunging down to the surface as far as he could see around the
-perimeter of his small world. Each pulled to a halt a few feet from the
-ground, opened its sides and disgorged vast mounds of crates and sacks,
-boxes and barrels, naked hills of coarse material that hissed like
-gravel as it spewed from chutes, gleaming masses of machinery.
-
-Confounded, Titus seized one of the slips of paper. It was an invoice
-listing two hundred earth movers, seventy-five instant pavers, five
-hundred concrete mixers.
-
-Matching his frown, Edna read a second sheet and demanded, "What on
-earth do you expect to do with a hundred thousand barrels of wheat germ
-oil? Four thousand kegs of eight-penny nails? Forty-five hundred tons
-of soybeans?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-At his secluded villa, Prime Minister Netath was entertaining his
-foreign minister, Ugaza Bataul.
-
-Netath leaned against the terrace bar and proposed a toast. "To an era
-of plenty."
-
-Bataul smiled. "At the expense of the Western Cluster."
-
-They gulped the drinks and Netath stared down into his empty glass.
-"We're quite fortunate that the Western Cluster's aspirations are
-extending to this sector."
-
-"As long as we can be sure that there won't be any _military_
-advances." Bataul added the qualification with misgiving.
-
-"Oh, there's no danger of that. Actually, we're lucky we didn't try to
-get on the Eastern Cluster's gravy train. We'd have had to make a lot
-of concessions."
-
-Heralding its own approach with a sputtering rumble, the station
-'copter came in low over the trees and dropped down on the lawn. Netath
-walked over as his chauffeur climbed out of the cab and used antigrav
-grapples to float a large crate out of the freight compartment.
-
-"Just picked it up at the space terminal," the man explained. "Must be
-that aid shipment."
-
-Bataul laughed. "You mean the first batch of credit certificates,
-maybe."
-
-The chauffeur pressed the "unpack" stud. The sides of the crate fell
-outward.
-
-"What _is_ it?" Netath drew back, surveying the ivory, tanklike thing
-with its sparkling fixtures and flexible appendages.
-
-Bataul bent and read the words on the inscription plate: "Deluxe
-Automatic Bather--4678-25C."
-
-By then, Netath had found the torn, soiled delivery tag. He read the
-part of the writing that was still legible:
-
- "... _sincerely hope this expression of Western amity meets with
- your satisfaction. If we can serve you again, please don't
- hesitate._..."
-
-Infuriated, he imparted a vindictive kick to the crate and crumpled the
-paper.
-
-"_That's_ the cosmic aid we were expecting?" Bataul sputtered.
-
-"Capitalist Western dogs!" Netath exclaimed. "They were just trifling
-with our planetary honor!"
-
-"It's an insult against our racial character!" the foreign minister
-said severely. "They _know_ we have no use for a bather, shedding our
-skin as we do once a day."
-
-Netath forced restraint into his features. "We will not lose our
-diplomatic poise. There is always the chance a mistake has been made."
-
-He drew the contacter out of his pocket and shouted into its grid,
-"Miss Yalera?"
-
-"Yes, sir?" came the instant answer.
-
-"Take a space-o-gram to Solaria."
-
-
- II
-
-When the initial error was made at the hyper-spatial relay station,
-a pattern had been set. Committed categorically to the memory banks
-were the false associations between the State Department's Ganymede
-Extension and Potentate McWorther, between Premier Netath and
-Rear-Sobucks.
-
-Thus, it was somewhat to be expected that Undersecretary Hoverly should
-find himself chewing on the under-bristles of his mustache as he read
-the latest space-o-gram.
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- Needless to say, we are somewhat disappointed over the Western
- Cluster's meager response to our desperate need.
-
- Perhaps Ambassador Summerson misrepresented our agreement. In that
- event, we feel sure that consultation with his Excellency will set
- the record straight.
-
- We would appreciate prompt attention to this detail. Otherwise, in
- the interest of our people, we shall feel compelled to seek
- satisfaction elsewhere.
-
- Respectfully yours,
- Titus McWorther,
- Potentate
-
-Hoverly tossed the message on his desk, punched the audio-com button
-and called for his assistant. When Mallston arrived, the undersecretary
-was still pacing.
-
-"Did you take care of the McWorther World aid consignment?" he asked.
-
-Mallston nodded. "Delivery should have been made day before yesterday.
-Full Class A schedule."
-
-"Well, it wasn't enough!" Hoverly extended a stiff finger toward the
-space-o-gram. "Read that."
-
-Looking up finally, Mallston said, "Evidently we dropped the ball."
-
-"Indeed we did. Ambassador Summerson must have promised the Potentate
-the whole works."
-
-Hoverly resumed pacing. "I should have guessed as much. President
-Roswell only last week hinted that the Western Cluster should level its
-galactic commerce sights on that entire sector."
-
-Mallston pondered the gravity of the space-o-gram. "Maybe we should lay
-the McWorther development before the President."
-
-Bristling, the undersecretary said, "And call attention to our own
-incompetence? We'll straighten this matter out by doing what we should
-have done in the first place--by putting the Potentate on the double-A
-priority list. Full and immediate delivery under Class B through K
-schedules."
-
-Mallston started out, but paused at the door. "How about cultural
-exchange?"
-
-"We'll play it safe by assuming Summerson shot the works in that
-category too. Round up every uncommitted cultural group in the cluster."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Shaking his head deprecatingly, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-stood before the desk of the next highest official in the Rear-Sobucks
-hierarchy.
-
-"Well, Wheeler," V.R. clipped without looking up. "What is it this
-time?"
-
-"I'm afraid Netath didn't take too kindly to our gesture."
-
-"Netath? Netath?" V.R. milked the name for its significance.
-
-"Ogarm Netath. The prime minister of that Gauyuth place. The automatic
-bather."
-
-"Oh, _that_ one."
-
-Wheeler handed over the space-o-gram and V.R. muttered through the
-message:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- I'm sure you made a mistake filling my order. You've got to come
- pick up your shipment right away. We're up to our ears and it's
- shaking us to pieces.
-
- Yours in disappointment,
- Ogarm Netath,
- Prime Minister
-
-Growling, V.R. dropped an effervescent pill into a glass of water. "You
-can't get anywhere with these back-planet bumpkins. I doubt that this
-Netath ever _had_ a bath. Send him a Supplementary Manual of Operating
-Instructions."
-
-Wheeler started for the door.
-
-But V.R. called after him. "And bill the prime minister for that
-article. It'll teach him to show a little bit of appreciation."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus winced before the persistent tremors that came through the floor
-of his cellar. He made another adjustment on the gravity control
-deflecting the planetoid's center of pseudomass another few feet. The
-ground beneath him finally quieted.
-
-"Three days," he mumbled, dragging himself up the stairs.
-
-Edna received him with hands on hips. "Three days--what?"
-
-"Getting things balanced again."
-
-"What are you going to do about all that stuff cluttering up our
-beautiful planetoid?" She was near tears.
-
-With Edna dogging his steps, he returned to the veranda, where his
-julep was now quite thin and warm in the rays of the setting sun.
-
-"We'll have to find out where it came from first," he said, staring
-dismally over the mountains of machinery and grain, the tumbled stacks
-of crates and barrels and kegs, the lesser rows of wheeled and winged
-vehicles.
-
-"Seems to me," Edna persisted, "that the invoices will show that." She
-gestured at what remained of the stacks of printed forms.
-
-The rest of the slips were strewn over the ground as far as he could
-see. "Only the _first_ sheet will show the origin--_if_ we could ever
-find it," Titus explained.
-
-He went out to the air car, warmed it up and sent it churning skyward.
-Near the attenuated top of the atmosphere, he was able to see exactly
-how much extraneous stuff had been dumped on his world. The main area
-of disposal seemed to have been within a two-mile radius of the house.
-
-An ever-widening helical course, wending its way alternately from night
-to day, eventually brought him on a great circle that sliced over both
-poles. Then, with his searchlights still burning, he spiraled inward,
-covering the other hemisphere. The rest of his world was in primal
-order.
-
-He started for home around the daylight side.
-
-But even above the noise of his own rotorjets, the stridence of
-descending freighters erupted in a pandemonium of sound all around him.
-Great clouds of rockets, clustered in fleets, were darkening the sky
-and raining down onto the surface.
-
-He barely managed to pull out from under one of the formations before
-it could pinch him against the ground. Swearing in oaths that he had
-not used in years, he headed for the nearest group of ships. Before he
-could close in, they had discharged their cargoes and thundered off
-into space again.
-
-He altered course for another detachment of freighters, only to meet
-with the same frustrating results. By the time he had aimed his craft
-at a third group, all the ships had blasted away, leaving everywhere
-great, gleaming mounds and stacks and irregular rows of crates and
-containers that completely obscured the surface.
-
-Enraged, Titus gunned the craft for home. He picked his way between
-several monstrous peaks of grain, some of them soaring nearly all the
-way up through the six-hundred-foot-thick atmosphere, and threw on his
-brakes to avoid collision with a tremendous pyramid of what looked like
-corn kernels.
-
-With stark apprehension, he envisioned his world shaking apart under
-the eccentric forces. But he quelled his fears with logic: This new
-addition of mass, apparently distributed evenly over all but the four
-square miles that had already served as a dumping ground, would be
-unbalanced only to a negligible degree.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus flicked on his landing lights as he headed into the night. But
-from over the horizon came a glare considerably stronger than the
-candlepower of his own electrical system. As he pulled up to the
-mooring pylon, the explanation was evident.
-
-Scores of Pullman crafts were packed so tightly around his house that
-the blunt noses of several were sticking out over the veranda.
-
-He cut off the idling jets. The militant strains of a Venurian march,
-blaring from the instruments of a hundred-piece symphony, swelled up
-mightily all around him. The orchestra itself was wedged between two
-residential crafts while the roof of McWorther's generating house
-served as the conductor's podium.
-
-On the veranda, a full troupe of Simalean Ballet dancers swirled and
-caracoled, not seeming to mind that they were occasionally overflowing
-the tiles and flouncing not so lightly through Edna's caladiums.
-
-His wife stood helplessly by, still gripping the autobroom which
-she had evidently wielded without success in an attempt to rout the
-intruders.
-
-Dismayed, Titus elbowed his way through a dedicated choral group that
-was patriotically rendering the "Fayothian Anthem," sidestepped a
-tumbling foursome obviously from one of the Lesser Javapa planets and
-pushed aside a debating team which was having little luck making itself
-heard above the general cacophony.
-
-Edna swept out to meet him. "Titus, they just won't leave!"
-
-"Who are they? What do they want?"
-
-"I don't know." She was having a difficult time restraining herself.
-"They asked for the ministry of something or other. Then they said they
-were cooped up so long that they had to get some practice."
-
-Titus bellowed for attention. But nobody turned an ear, except a
-pirouetting ballerina who whirled to a stop nearby, glissaded over in
-front of him and made a theatrical display of bending over and planting
-a set of lip-prints on his forehead--a gesture that fed considerable
-fuel to Edna's vexation.
-
-"You're cute," the dancer tittered. "You got the word on this place,
-Pudgy? What is it--a stopover station?"
-
-Before he could answer, one of the tumblers shouted, "It's snowing!"
-
-The choral group broke reverently into the ancient carol "Noel" while
-the orchestra paused on an upbeat and swung into a jazzed-up "Jingle
-Bells."
-
-Perplexed, Titus stared at the dancing snowflakes. But that was
-impossible! It _never_ snowed here on McWorther's World!
-
-Then he remembered the grain peak he had skirted on the way home. It
-had extended high above the infrared and ultraviolet shields--into the
-naked, hot zone where restless winds had wafted the kernels eastward.
-
-He picked up one of the "flakes."
-
-_Popcorn!_
-
-
- III
-
-Many light years away, the Emperor of the Eastern Cluster whirled
-around, kicked his bejeweled train out of the way and faced his chief
-adviser. "So they've opened up a new aid offensive?"
-
-"And a most vital one." The adviser blew on his spectacles and
-burnished the lenses against his sleeve. "A place called McWorther. Our
-intelligence got its coordinates from their consignment documents."
-
-"Never heard of it."
-
-"That's what's so insidious about this whole capitalist plot. They've
-kept it under their hats."
-
-"And why is it so vital?"
-
-The adviser directed the Emperor's attention to a space globe suspended
-from the ceiling. He pressed two buttons on the wall and twin beams of
-light intersected within the sphere. "That's McWorther's location."
-
-"Why--why--" the Emperor stammered. "That outflanks us completely!"
-
-"What concerns me is how many other undisclosed but settled worlds lie
-in that same general area."
-
-"A whole raft of them, no doubt," the Emperor said pessimistically.
-
-"What are we going to do?"
-
-"In this critical sector we've got to make friends--and fast! We'll
-begin with the McWorther place."
-
-"How far do you want to go?"
-
-"All the way. Empty the surplus bins. Clear out the warehouses. Let
-McWorther have every available pound of material and equipment."
-
-"Terms?"
-
-"Terms be damned! We let the Western Cluster steal a march on us.
-We've got to recoup. Everything goes as an outright gift--with all the
-cultural trimmings thrown in."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus splashed into the cellar and struck out for the hypertransmitter.
-
-It was a peculiar flood. Suffusing the water was a thick scum that
-flashed iridescently as it caught the glint of light from the ceiling.
-He stuck his finger into the dross and applied it to the tip of his
-tongue.
-
-Syrup!
-
-He thought of the thousands of barrels that had been dumped into the
-lake and surmised that the contaminated water was backing up through
-the drainage system.
-
-He altered course for the pumps.
-
-And, like ships in convoy, a score of virtuosos invaded the cellar,
-paddling in his wake.
-
-The soprano's piercing voice assailed his ears. "In all my theatrical
-experience, I have never been subjected to such indignity! I insist--"
-
-But a violinist pushed forward, wielding his bow like a stiff finger.
-"You, sir, are holding back on us. No doubt you know what our future
-instructions are."
-
-"I've never seen such fascist highhandedness," complained a diminutive
-choreographer in the uniform of a Palosov Rocket Dancer. "In the name
-of the ministry of culture of the Eastern Federation, I demand to see a
-representative of His Imperial Highness!"
-
-Ignoring them, Titus trudged on to the pumps and set them for maximum
-drain-off.
-
-The Simalean ballerina did a series of rapid turns and watched the
-spray and the pattern of ripples that issued from her darting feet.
-
-"Exquisite!" she exuberated. "I shall have to speak with the _maître de
-ballet_ about a nymphal sequence!"
-
-"Come on, Pop." One of the tumblers confronted Titus. "What's the
-gimmick? Why are they keeping us loafing around here?"
-
-"Why?" roared a dramatist, allowing his voice full rein in the acoustic
-inadequacy of the cellar. "I'll tell you: It's a capitalist scheme to
-abduct the top talent of the glorious workers' federation!"
-
-Hands clamped over his ears, Titus finally made it to the
-hypertransmitter. He jiggled its dials, beat on the cabinet, lifted a
-foot from the water and gave it a couple of kicks broadside.
-
-No results. It was obviously shorted out from the flood. And none of
-the Pullman crafts was equipped with long-range communications gear.
-
-Titus waded from the cellar, plodded through the house, leaving pools
-of syrupy water in his wake, and stalked onto the veranda.
-
-The scene was no less hectic than it had been. There were two
-orchestras now. And they were waging a war of decibels to determine
-whether the "East Cluster Blastoff March" or the "West Cluster Anthem"
-should prevail over McWorther's World.
-
-Two debating teams were holding forth on the comparative benefits of
-proletarian solidarity and the free enterprise system. Beyond the
-caladium bed, Edna, who seemed to have finally succumbed to frustrated
-abandon, had struck a face-to-the-sun and wind-in-her-hair posture for
-a portraitist who was drowning futility in artistic endeavor.
-
-But there was neither wind nor sun to accommodate the pose, Titus
-lamented. For, after yesterday's deliveries by the bright red cargo
-ships, which had obviously been from the Eastern Cluster, there was
-little left of McWorther's World that could be recognized.
-
-The immediate area around the house had been spared in the deluge of
-material. But, beyond, great sloping expanses of grain and crates,
-barrels, boxes, machinery, bulging sacks and drums stretched up and
-away like the inner walls of a crater.
-
-Fortunately, disposal onto the surface of McWorther's World had
-stopped. But not delivery to the system. Coruscating pinpoints
-of flame, far out in space, signified the presence of thousands
-upon thousands of cargo carriers that were dropping off their
-freight in solar orbit. The items of merchandise themselves were
-indistinguishable. But their composite existence was beginning to take
-on the appearance of a great ring of fragmented particles stretching
-around the sun.
-
-And Titus supposed that it was only the reliability of the mass-fending
-generators attached to each article that tentatively kept them all
-separate and prevented them from plunging like a devastating hailstorm
-onto the surface of his world.
-
-He slumped to the ground and bracketed his cheeks between his palms.
-For some unaccountable reason, it seemed that the productivity of the
-entire universe was being showered down on his private planetoid in one
-vast gravy-train effect.
-
-Only he was drowning in the gravy.
-
- * * * * *
-
-"And that's my story." Undersecretary of Cosmic Aid Hoverly laid his
-hands on the conference table. "And we now have McWorther's World on a
-total aid schedule."
-
-President Roswell, an angular man with a troubled face, drummed his
-fingertips together. "Gentlemen, this is most serious."
-
-On his right, Ambassador Summerson's head bobbed in accord. The gesture
-spread next to the chief of intelligence, then to Hoyerly, thus making
-the circuit back to Roswell.
-
-"To sum up, then," said the President, "you, Hoverly, authorized aid
-for a McWorther's World in the 47-126 area."
-
-The undersecretary glanced away uneasily.
-
-"But you, Summerson," Roswell continued, "have no record of having
-signed aid agreements with such a place."
-
-"That's right," the ambassador verified. "But deciding to accommodate
-McWorther's World was the most fantastic stroke of good luck
-imaginable."
-
-Hoverly squinted. "I don't follow you."
-
-"When you sent aid to the Potentate, not only did you pick what will
-undoubtedly develop into the most critical political area of the
-millennium, but you also beat the Easties to the draw in a sector that
-they had staked out all for themselves."
-
-"A stroke of sheer luck," President Roswell concurred.
-
-The roving ambassador leaned back smiling. "The chance timing was
-perfect too. We beat them by less than two weeks."
-
-But the intelligence chief's face was rigid with dejection. "We got
-there 'firstest,' to use an ancient expression, but not with the
-'mostest.' Our agents in Imperial City report that the amount of aid
-authorized for McWorther's World is unbelievable. The entire Eastern
-Cluster is going on a full austerity basis to support the program."
-
-"That shows what value they place on McWorther's World and the sector
-it opens up," Roswell offered. "When they found out we'd moved in ahead
-of them, their reaction was frantic."
-
-Summerson rose. "This, then, gentlemen, is it."
-
-"It certainly is." Roswell's voice was heavy with despondency. "The
-most God-awful aid war the cluster has ever seen."
-
-"We can't back out," the ambassador warned. "We've got to get busy and
-face up to the task."
-
-"With every resource at our disposal. To ignore the challenge would be
-to surrender this entire section of the galaxy to the Easties."
-
-The President was silent a moment. "Gentlemen, I am herewith sounding a
-call to economic arms. Cancel all other aid commitments and activity.
-Throw everything we have got, everything we can ever hope to produce,
-at McWorther's World."
-
-"I think you'd better call on the Potentate personally," Summerson
-proposed.
-
-"That," said Roswell, "is exactly what I intend to do."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Adjusting the drape of his robe, the Emperor sent his eyes flicking
-over the report. Finally he lurched from his chair with a resounding
-"Eureka!"
-
-"So you see how it is, Your Imperial Highness," his chief adviser
-offered. "By cutting in on their McWorther World operation, we have
-indeed touched a sensitive Western spot."
-
-"There's no question about that," the Emperor said lustily. He was a
-portly man whose sartorial excesses made him seem even more imposing.
-His eyes, recessed under thickset brows, flared with triumph as he
-said, "McWorther's World must figure prominently in their planning.
-From the way they cut loose with everything they had when they found
-out we were stepping in too, damned if I'm not convinced this new
-system will be the pivotal point of their entire future strategy."
-
-"Then we'd better order double production quotas on every world that
-flies the Eastern flag."
-
-"_Triple_ quotas. And have my space yacht refitted by tomorrow."
-
-"You're going somewhere, Highness?" asked the adviser.
-
-"This Potentate McWorther is likely to be the third most important
-political figure in the galaxy. I'm not going to lose any time getting
-over there and pumping his hand."
-
- * * * * *
-
-His face flushed with rage, Ogarm Netath tossed the space-o-gram at his
-foreign minister, then snatched it back out of Bataul's hands before he
-had a chance to read it.
-
-"It's a bill!" Netath's voice quivered. "They sent us a bill for that
-damned bather monstrosity!"
-
-Bataul's brow, to all appearances, was ready for spring planting. "Let
-me have another look at it."
-
-Netath stood there trembling while the foreign minister sent his eyes
-darting over the paper.
-
-"It's from Rear-Sobucks!" Bataul exclaimed. "A retail concern that
-obviously handles automatic bathers!"
-
-"But it was our aid shipment, wasn't it?"
-
-"Apparently not. It says here, '... for merchandise previously extended
-_in behalf of_ the Western Cluster....'"
-
-"I don't understand."
-
-Bataul's features struggled through a gamut of expressions. "I think
-I'm just beginning to. Do you remember last year when we had that
-communications survey made? Between here and the nearest Western relay
-station, there was that single system. I think some crackpot had laid
-claim--of course. McWorther's his name. Calls himself a potentate."
-
-Netath stiffened. "And you think--?"
-
-"I think both we and McWorther are victims of message interfusion,"
-Bataul said flatly.
-
-"And our aid shipments--?"
-
-"I'd bet McWorther must be wringing his hands over more loot than he'll
-ever be able to count."
-
-Netath started punching buttons on his desk. "We've got work to do."
-
-"What kind?"
-
-"First you're going to get off a message to this Rear-Sobucks bunch
-and tell them what they can do with their bill _and_ their automatic
-bather--if it'll fit. You can also explain what's happened."
-
-"This time we'll send the message around the _right_ leg of the
-cluster," Bataul assured.
-
-"Then we're hopping over to this McWorther system and laying down the
-law to that character. _That_ I want to do personally."
-
- * * * * *
-
-"This," said Twenty-Seventh Vice-President Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks,
-"explains it all."
-
-"Communications interfusion?" the twenty-sixth vice-president asked.
-
-"Absolutely, V.R. Just like Premier Netath says."
-
-"Then there's a Rear-Sobucks customer who has been unnecessarily
-inconvenienced and still hasn't been satisfied?"
-
-With a curt nod, Wheeler confirmed the other's fear.
-
-V.R. rose from his desk and wagged a finger at the other. "I still
-don't understand it all, Wheeler. But I can't avoid the impression that
-you're somehow responsible for the mess."
-
-Wheeler cowered.
-
-"_You're_ going to take a trip--now!" V.R. went on, gathering steam.
-"_You're_ going to deliver a bather personally to this Potentate
-McWorther. _You're_ going to extend the apologies of the entire
-Rear-Sobucks organization!"
-
-
- IV
-
-Titus poured his tenth consecutive julep--directly from the bottle,
-without the benefit of ice, sugar or mint--and leaned back in his
-chair. His occupancy of a corner of the veranda had been a hard-won
-concession.
-
-Almost indifferent now, he stared at the hundreds of virtuosos and
-shouted, "Go home!"
-
-But there was little zing in his voice and the words were, of course,
-lost in the confused sea of sound--musical, argumentative, operatic and
-otherwise. Heedless, the orchestras played, the ballet dancers whirled,
-painters sketched, gymnasts tumbled, dramatists soliloquized and the
-vocalists made it plain that they would give no quarter.
-
-McWorther's World shud-shuddered. And the towering peaks of machinery
-and grain, cases and crates rumbled ominously as their slopes shifted.
-Titus' ears popped and he suddenly felt a giddiness that was all out of
-proportion to the number of juleps he had consumed.
-
-An all-too-brief silence fell over the multitude. Then, as stability
-returned to the planetoid, they dived back into their various
-activities.
-
-They were damned fools, McWorther thought. Even if it meant risking
-their lives, they would be willing to stay there and consort in their
-Olympian ecstasy of artistic communion. It was a field day, old home
-week, esoteric _anschluss_, a fraternal blowout--all rolled into one.
-
-A distant explosion rent what was left of the compact atmosphere. And,
-as an immediate consequence, additional hundreds of tons of grain
-_hissed_ down a nearby slope and eased into the lake.
-
-Somewhat concerned, Titus stared at the myriad points of light
-coruscating deep out in space. What was happening was obvious: There
-were millions, perhaps billions of articles of freight in the same
-orbit--all maintaining their distances from the planetoid and from
-one another by virtue of their mass-repulsion generators. And, where
-that many electronic units were concerned, the breakdown factor became
-a predictable quantity. McWorther's World could now expect to be the
-target of a plunging chunk of cargo once every four or five minutes.
-
-Another few hours, Titus realized, and that interval would be reduced
-to four or five seconds. For he could readily see the infinite streams
-of freighters that were still arriving and dropping off additional
-cargo.
-
-As a matter of fact, it was so thick out there now that only a faint,
-diffused light was coming through from McWorther's Sun.
-
-Titus poured himself another mintless, sugarless, iceless julep.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The insigne of the Western Cluster emblazoned on its side, a giant ship
-felt its way down through the atmosphere, sidled this way and that as
-it squeezed through the barrier of anchored Pullman crafts, pulled up
-and hovered over the southern edge of the veranda.
-
-At that particular moment, Titus had been quite fascinated with the
-tumblers' practice session. One of the gymnasts, preparing for a
-back-flip, had taken a boost from the cupped hands of another. Only
-the resulting arc through the air was executed with slow-motion rhythm
-that took the performer to a height of perhaps twenty feet before he
-floated back to the ground.
-
-At the same time, Titus' ears popped again and he had the odd sensation
-that the deck chair was shrinking away beneath him.
-
-The newly arrived ship lowered an escalator to the surface and the
-pilot glided down, landing only a few feet from McWorther.
-
-"There seems to be some mistake," he said. "I was given
-these coordinates and orbital factor for a--" he checked his
-notebook--"McWorther's World."
-
-"This," said Titus stiffly, "_is_ McWorther's World."
-
-Cupping his hands, the pilot called back into the ship. "We're on the
-right place."
-
-An alarmed face poked out of the hatch.
-
-"_This_ is it?"
-
-Titus lurched to his feet, returning an equally startled expression.
-The man coming clown the escalator was President Vance Roswell of the
-Western Federation! He had seen the face on thousands of newscasts.
-
-Roswell, sickened, stared at the mountains of supplies on the obscured
-surface of the planetoid. He tilted his head back and took in the
-glimmering sea of cargo out in space, the flaring trails of exhaust
-jets that criss-crossed in an infinite pattern as endless streams of
-ships jockeyed into position to discharge more freight. Then he dropped
-to the veranda railing and buried his face hopelessly in his hands.
-
-By then, one of the orchestra conductors, who had also recognized the
-President, had abruptly brought his baton down to terminate the "Lyraen
-Overture." He led his ensemble into a stirring rendition of the "West
-Cluster Anthem."
-
-Without interrupting his misery, Roswell elevated a limp hand and
-signaled for quiet.
-
-But even before the musicians tapered to silence on a jagged, perplexed
-note, the other orchestra blared forth with the "East Cluster Blastoff
-March," all its members standing and facing the northern edge of the
-veranda.
-
-Titus watched the impressive vessel float to the surface, its almost
-invisible repulsor beams jostling the lesser Pullman ships out of its
-way. Splashed across its side was the fist-clutching-galaxy symbol of
-the Eastern Federation.
-
-He was still gawking when the hatch opened, ushering onto the tiled
-surface none other than the Emperor himself--an immense, brilliantly
-robed man who swept like a bowling ball through his retinue of aides.
-
- * * * * *
-
-There were two distant explosions, one close on the heels of the other,
-and the planetoid convulsed. That time, Titus imagined, he had seen one
-of the masses of cargo plunging to the surface.
-
-The Emperor drew up before Titus. But although his lips moved, no
-audible sound came from his mouth, since he was in the immediate range
-of the Eastern Symphony Orchestra's bass section.
-
-Scowling, he whirled, threw up this arms and bellowed for silence.
-Quiet came as though someone had pulled a plug.
-
-"Now," he said, propping his fists on his hips and flaring his robe
-out even further, "perhaps someone will enlighten me. I'm looking for
-McWorther's World. It's supposed to be here."
-
-Titus poured a triple, undiluted julep and gulped down half of it. He
-said, "You're standing on it."
-
-"_This!_ That's impossible! What's the population?"
-
-"Two--not counting the transients." Titus started to offer the Emperor
-the rest of his julep, thought better of it and drank it himself.
-
-Roswell withdrew from his dejection, looked up and nodded, verifying
-the Emperor's stark suspicion. It was apparent that the President was
-only then aware of the Emperor's identity. And the latter was obviously
-no less surprised on recognizing his counterpart from the Western
-Cluster.
-
-They only stared uncertainly at each other while the hundreds of
-virtuosos, sensing the propriety of demonstrating their loyalty, split
-into two groups and took sides behind their respective leaders.
-
-Roswell laughed finally. It was a high-pitched, unnatural sound that
-conveyed no glee at all and grew only more ragged as his shifting stare
-once again took in the completely ruined merchandise on the surface,
-the practically irretrievable cargoes adrift in space. His pitiable
-outburst suggested an infinity of futility over the wanton waste. It
-spoke wordlessly of sterility for hundreds of productive worlds over
-the years ahead--economic sterility, and its inevitable consequence of
-military impotence.
-
-The Emperor watched him for a moment, then dropped to the veranda
-rail beside him. He didn't join in the almost hysterical laughter.
-But his glum features reflected sympathetic appreciation of Roswell's
-predicament. And in his heavy silence was the admission that the
-circumstances were mutual.
-
-McWorther's World trembled again. Titus inclined his head to one side,
-jiggling a finger in his ear to stop it from popping. He could have
-sworn, too, that he had seen the Emperor and the President levitate a
-good several inches off the rail.
-
-Edna stalked from the house, surveyed the new arrivals without giving
-any indication she had recognized them and wagged a finger in her
-husband's face.
-
-"Titus, this has gone far enough!" she exclaimed. "If you don't--"
-
-"Later, Love," he pacified. "Something's going wrong."
-
-She was taken aback by his understatement. But he hadn't meant it that
-way. He had merely expressed suspicion over his recurrent sensations of
-lightness.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Almost at the same time, two other ships dropped down at the edge of
-the veranda. The hatch of the first sprang open and disgorged a thin
-man in a swallow-tail coat who drew rigidly erect and announced:
-
-"His Most August Excellency, Prime Minister Netath of Gauyuth-Six!"
-
-Ogarm Netath, indignation branding his features, strode out. "Where's
-this Potentate McWorther character?" he demanded.
-
-A hundred extended fingers singled out Titus, who was just then pouring
-a thirteenth julep.
-
-Netath stomped over. "You, sir, have got _my_ aid consignments!"
-
-By that time, the other ship had thrown open its hatch and a short,
-stout man in a business suit emerged.
-
-"I am Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks and Company," he disclosed, standing to
-one side so that two men working with antigrav grapples could wrestle
-a large crate onto the veranda. "I have an apology and an automatic
-bather for Potentate McWorther."
-
-But Titus turned his back on the man, abruptly facing his wife. "Good
-God! What day is it?"
-
-She frowned in puzzlement. "Why, Wednesday."
-
-There was a sharp explosion nearby as another article of cargo came
-hurtling down from space.
-
-"And it's almost noon!"
-
-She nodded, still perplexed.
-
-"Get into the spaceabout, Love--_quick_!"
-
-She hesitated and he gave her a shove.
-
-But he paused and faced the others. "You got just about fifteen minutes
-to climb into your contraptions and clear out--all of you! Because by
-then we'll be fresh out of gravity!"
-
-And they'd be lucky if they had _that much_ time, he realized as he
-followed Edna into the small craft. He had known he would have to face
-the inevitable crisis on Wednesday. But all along he had been off one
-day in his calculations, such that he had been sure today was only
-Tuesday.
-
-"What is it, Titus?" his wife asked as he strapped himself in beside
-her.
-
-"The supplementary gravity generator hasn't been refueled! It's
-sputtering out!"
-
-From space, he watched the end of McWorther's World.
-
-The atmosphere went first, _swooshing_ outward as a result of abrupt
-decompression and leaving a halo of frozen water crystals in its wake.
-Then the cargo that was piled on the surface recoiled from its own
-cumulative pressure and shot out into space. The topsoil followed suit,
-dispersing like a dust storm, while the lakes boiled in one instant and
-their vapor froze in the next.
-
-Before any of the hurtling mess could reach his spaceabout, Titus
-followed the Pullman crafts, the Rear-Sobucks delivery vehicle and the
-Presidential and Imperial yachts into hyperspace.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus and Edna McWorther have given up rustic retirement. Instead they
-are living out their declining years in a floating villa just off the
-Jersey coast.
-
-Life is still gratifying, with the exception of one detail.
-
-But Titus is resolved that he and his wife will have to be content with
-the shower-masseur for the rest of their lives.
-
-At any rate, he'll be damned if he'll put in another order for an
-automatic bather, with or without a back-scrubbing attachment.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Gravy Train, by Daniel F. Galouye
-
-*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 60809 ***
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-<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 60809 ***</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="340" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>GRAVY TRAIN</h1>
-
-<h2>By DANIEL F. GALOUYE</h2>
-
-<p class="ph1"><i>Ever hear of evil fairies who<br />
-grant three wishes? McWorther's<br />
-was more efficient. One wish<br />
-was plenty to bring catastrophe!</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1960.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">I</p>
-
-<p>At one hundred and thirty, life was indeed gratifying for Titus
-McWorther. But for one missing detail, it would have been perfect.</p>
-
-<p>With his wife, Edna, he had planned well for retirement. His
-idyllic estate consisted of a second-hand planetoid, thirty miles in
-circumference, which was the only habitable piece of matter in its
-system. Complete with supplementary gravity generator, a compact
-atmosphere, a mantle of lush topsoil and a carefully selected biota,
-McWorther's World was both his delight and his pride.</p>
-
-<p>Its principal asset was, of course, its isolation.</p>
-
-<p>Well away from the mainstream of galactic civilization, McWorther's
-Star was smugly hidden behind a dark nebula, through which he and Edna
-plunged twice a year to the fringe of the cluster&mdash;just to observe and
-mock convention, if for nothing else.</p>
-
-<p>It was an ideal setup.</p>
-
-<p>But, after two sedentary years, Titus realized he still needed one item
-to make his retirement complete. So he dispatched this tight-beamed
-message to the packet order department of Rear-Sobucks and Company in
-the West Cluster Federation's Hub City:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>Please send one automatic bather with back-scrubbing attachment and
-toy boat docks, as listed in your videolog under order No. 4678-25C.
-Charge same to credit account No. W414754-B24D.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Sincerely yours,<br />
-Titus McWorther, Potentate<br />
-McWorther's World</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>He listed the coordinates of the star and the orbital factor of his
-planetoid.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Unfortunately, the hyper-spatial line between McWorther's World and
-the nearest relay center was partly coincident with the link to the
-politically noncommitted world of Gauyuth-VI.</p>
-
-<p>This condition, together with the fact that components of a
-communication are sent by separate pulse, sometimes leads to the
-embarrassing phenomenon known as "message interfusion," which is
-retransmission of the right text with the wrong signature.</p>
-
-<p>And it so happened that as Titus McWorther's order was en route, the
-system was also being burdened with this intelligence to the Ganymede
-Extension of the Western Cluster's State Department:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>This will verify our agreement and authorize implementation of
-interstellar aid arrangements as set forth in conferences with your
-ambassador. If such arrangements produce mutual satisfaction, we will
-quite readily declare concurrence, in principle at least, with the
-political aims of the Western Cluster.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Respectfully yours,<br />
-Ogarm Netath,<br />
-Prime Minister<br />
-Gauyuth-VI</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Appended to the signature were the coordinates of Gauyuth and the
-orbital factor of its Number Six planet.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Wharton Hoverly, undersecretary of cosmic aid for the Western Cluster,
-plucked at his thick, gray mustache as he reread the space-o-gram.</p>
-
-<p>He punched the videobox stud. "Mallston!"</p>
-
-<p>The younger and more composed face of his assistant stared from the
-screen. "Yes, sir?"</p>
-
-<p>"Anything yet?"</p>
-
-<p>"Not a thing. We have no record of a&mdash;McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"What do you suppose?"</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it seems authentic enough. We do know Ambassador Summerson has
-been working in that general area."</p>
-
-<p>"And you think Summerson signed an aid agreement with this potentate?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'd say the message speaks for itself."</p>
-
-<p>Again, Hoverly worried his mustache. "Did you check with Summerson?"</p>
-
-<p>"He's on extended leave."</p>
-
-<p>"What do you think we ought to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"McWorther's World must be a critical area. And evidently we're going
-to get what we want out of the deal, since the Potentate speaks of
-concurrence with Western Cluster aims."</p>
-
-<p>Impatiently, the undersecretary glanced out the window. Ganymede was
-well out of the Jovian umbra now. If he didn't leave soon, he'd be late
-for his conference with the commerce department on Farside Luna.</p>
-
-<p>"All right, Mallston," he said. "Put McWorther's World on a Class A aid
-schedule. That ought to hold the Potentate until Summerson gets back."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In the commercial section of Hub City, Rear-Sobucks and Company
-occupied a monstrous building whose emblematic tip pierced the clouds.</p>
-
-<p>On the two hundredth floor, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-strode through the rail gate, tossed the secretary a
-"don't-bother-to-announce-me" glance and went on into the inner office
-of the twenty-sixth vice-president.</p>
-
-<p>"Got something I thought you'd be interested in, V.R.," he told the
-limp-faced man behind the desk. "There may be a promotion angle."</p>
-
-<p>"What is it?" V.R. asked, not exactly gripping his chair with
-anticipation.</p>
-
-<p>The other placed the space-o-gram on the desk. "It's from an Ogarm
-Netath, <i>prime minister</i> of a place called Gauyuth-Six. He wants an
-automatic bather."</p>
-
-<p>V.R. extended a "so what?" glare.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't you see? Big shots like that don't place personal orders. But
-here's one who thinks so much of a Rear-Sobucks item that he forgets
-all about convention."</p>
-
-<p>"And so, Wheeler, you want to capitalize on his good name in some sort
-of promotion gimmick," V.R. said through taut lips.</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler shrank. "But I thought&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Never mind what you thought. Fill his order. Send it compliments
-of&mdash;let's see, Gauyuth-Six is uncommitted&mdash;compliments of the Western
-Cluster."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It was a fine morning on McWorther's World. Cotton-candy clouds floated
-over the fields. Dreaming herons, balanced on slender legs, gave
-the shallows of the lake a tufted appearance. A delightful breeze,
-artificially generated at the equator, wafted flowering stalks and
-rocked the air car and spaceabout at their moorings.</p>
-
-<p>Titus snorted on the veranda and reached for his julep. He was a chunky
-little man, with the ruddiness of good health tinting his face and
-overflowing onto his partly bald pate.</p>
-
-<p>"Where are you, Titus?" an anxious voice disturbed the quiet of the
-house.</p>
-
-<p>"Out here, Love."</p>
-
-<p>Edna appeared in the doorway. Despite her age, there was still the
-fascination in her timeless eyes that had snared Titus more than ninety
-years ago.</p>
-
-<p>"The chef burned the beans again," she said, frowning.</p>
-
-<p>"Guess I'll have to fix it."</p>
-
-<p>"You know it's not the cooker. It's that darned gravity."</p>
-
-<p>He realized now it was a weight fluctuation that had nudged him from
-his nap.</p>
-
-<p>"I've got it <i>set</i> that way, Love," he explained. "We did not get
-clouds in the contract. But by varying the gravity control we can have
-them for nothing. It all has to do with atmospheric pressure."</p>
-
-<p>Edna cast a resigned glance skyward. "If that's the way you want
-it&mdash;fleecy clouds and burnt beans&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>The guttural scream of braking jets rattled the windows and sent the
-herons winging for the safety of the other hemisphere. Hesitating on
-the fringe of the atmosphere, the freighter altered its approach and
-landed beside the house.</p>
-
-<p>Titus went out to meet the skipper and his three assistants whose arms
-were filled with printed forms.</p>
-
-<p>"You Potentate McWorther?" the skipper asked.</p>
-
-<p>Titus smiled in embarrassment. "It's a gag. I just call myself that."</p>
-
-<p>"We got your order," the other snapped. "Where do you want it?"</p>
-
-<p>Titus' small eyes widened with an inner vision of the automatic
-bather&mdash;a vision which went on in speculation to dispose of the crude
-shower-masseur, for which he and Edna were getting a bit too old.</p>
-
-<p>"If you'll put it on the veranda&mdash;" He paused and shouted back toward
-the house. "Edna, get out the grapplers. We're in business."</p>
-
-<p>"Fun-ny," the skipper observed with dry derision. Then he signaled to
-his waiting assistants.</p>
-
-<p>They came forward and, one by one, thrust their stacks of printed
-forms against Titus' chest. His arms came up in a reflex to accept the
-offerings. But, as the third assistant's contribution sent the stack
-soaring in front of his face, he went down under the weight.</p>
-
-<p>When he had extricated himself from the mound of paper, the men had
-returned to their ship. And now its sides were folding down and scores
-of huge crates were drifting out on repulsor beams and fluttering to
-the ground.</p>
-
-<p>Soon the freighter was gone and Edna was at his side.</p>
-
-<p>"What <i>have</i> you gotten us into now, Titus?"</p>
-
-<p>"Honest, Love&mdash;I don't know."</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly his ears were splitting with the thunderous roar of a thousand
-ships plunging down to the surface as far as he could see around the
-perimeter of his small world. Each pulled to a halt a few feet from the
-ground, opened its sides and disgorged vast mounds of crates and sacks,
-boxes and barrels, naked hills of coarse material that hissed like
-gravel as it spewed from chutes, gleaming masses of machinery.</p>
-
-<p>Confounded, Titus seized one of the slips of paper. It was an invoice
-listing two hundred earth movers, seventy-five instant pavers, five
-hundred concrete mixers.</p>
-
-<p>Matching his frown, Edna read a second sheet and demanded, "What on
-earth do you expect to do with a hundred thousand barrels of wheat germ
-oil? Four thousand kegs of eight-penny nails? Forty-five hundred tons
-of soybeans?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>At his secluded villa, Prime Minister Netath was entertaining his
-foreign minister, Ugaza Bataul.</p>
-
-<p>Netath leaned against the terrace bar and proposed a toast. "To an era
-of plenty."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul smiled. "At the expense of the Western Cluster."</p>
-
-<p>They gulped the drinks and Netath stared down into his empty glass.
-"We're quite fortunate that the Western Cluster's aspirations are
-extending to this sector."</p>
-
-<p>"As long as we can be sure that there won't be any <i>military</i>
-advances." Bataul added the qualification with misgiving.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, there's no danger of that. Actually, we're lucky we didn't try to
-get on the Eastern Cluster's gravy train. We'd have had to make a lot
-of concessions."</p>
-
-<p>Heralding its own approach with a sputtering rumble, the station
-'copter came in low over the trees and dropped down on the lawn. Netath
-walked over as his chauffeur climbed out of the cab and used antigrav
-grapples to float a large crate out of the freight compartment.</p>
-
-<p>"Just picked it up at the space terminal," the man explained. "Must be
-that aid shipment."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul laughed. "You mean the first batch of credit certificates,
-maybe."</p>
-
-<p>The chauffeur pressed the "unpack" stud. The sides of the crate fell
-outward.</p>
-
-<p>"What <i>is</i> it?" Netath drew back, surveying the ivory, tanklike thing
-with its sparkling fixtures and flexible appendages.</p>
-
-<p>Bataul bent and read the words on the inscription plate: "Deluxe
-Automatic Bather&mdash;4678-25C."</p>
-
-<p>By then, Netath had found the torn, soiled delivery tag. He read the
-part of the writing that was still legible:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>"... <i>sincerely hope this expression of Western amity meets with your
-satisfaction. If we can serve you again, please don't hesitate.</i>..."</p></div>
-
-<p>Infuriated, he imparted a vindictive kick to the crate and crumpled the
-paper.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>That's</i> the cosmic aid we were expecting?" Bataul sputtered.</p>
-
-<p>"Capitalist Western dogs!" Netath exclaimed. "They were just trifling
-with our planetary honor!"</p>
-
-<p>"It's an insult against our racial character!" the foreign minister
-said severely. "They <i>know</i> we have no use for a bather, shedding our
-skin as we do once a day."</p>
-
-<p>Netath forced restraint into his features. "We will not lose our
-diplomatic poise. There is always the chance a mistake has been made."</p>
-
-<p>He drew the contacter out of his pocket and shouted into its grid,
-"Miss Yalera?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, sir?" came the instant answer.</p>
-
-<p>"Take a space-o-gram to Solaria."</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">II</p>
-
-<p>When the initial error was made at the hyper-spatial relay station,
-a pattern had been set. Committed categorically to the memory banks
-were the false associations between the State Department's Ganymede
-Extension and Potentate McWorther, between Premier Netath and
-Rear-Sobucks.</p>
-
-<p>Thus, it was somewhat to be expected that Undersecretary Hoverly should
-find himself chewing on the under-bristles of his mustache as he read
-the latest space-o-gram.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>Needless to say, we are somewhat disappointed over the Western
-Cluster's meager response to our desperate need.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps Ambassador Summerson misrepresented our agreement. In that
-event, we feel sure that consultation with his Excellency will set the
-record straight.</p>
-
-<p>We would appreciate prompt attention to this detail. Otherwise, in the
-interest of our people, we shall feel compelled to seek satisfaction
-elsewhere.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Respectfully yours,<br />
-Titus McWorther,<br />
-Potentate</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Hoverly tossed the message on his desk, punched the audio-com button
-and called for his assistant. When Mallston arrived, the undersecretary
-was still pacing.</p>
-
-<p>"Did you take care of the McWorther World aid consignment?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>Mallston nodded. "Delivery should have been made day before yesterday.
-Full Class A schedule."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it wasn't enough!" Hoverly extended a stiff finger toward the
-space-o-gram. "Read that."</p>
-
-<p>Looking up finally, Mallston said, "Evidently we dropped the ball."</p>
-
-<p>"Indeed we did. Ambassador Summerson must have promised the Potentate
-the whole works."</p>
-
-<p>Hoverly resumed pacing. "I should have guessed as much. President
-Roswell only last week hinted that the Western Cluster should level its
-galactic commerce sights on that entire sector."</p>
-
-<p>Mallston pondered the gravity of the space-o-gram. "Maybe we should lay
-the McWorther development before the President."</p>
-
-<p>Bristling, the undersecretary said, "And call attention to our own
-incompetence? We'll straighten this matter out by doing what we should
-have done in the first place&mdash;by putting the Potentate on the double-A
-priority list. Full and immediate delivery under Class B through K
-schedules."</p>
-
-<p>Mallston started out, but paused at the door. "How about cultural
-exchange?"</p>
-
-<p>"We'll play it safe by assuming Summerson shot the works in that
-category too. Round up every uncommitted cultural group in the cluster."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Shaking his head deprecatingly, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-stood before the desk of the next highest official in the Rear-Sobucks
-hierarchy.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, Wheeler," V.R. clipped without looking up. "What is it this
-time?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm afraid Netath didn't take too kindly to our gesture."</p>
-
-<p>"Netath? Netath?" V.R. milked the name for its significance.</p>
-
-<p>"Ogarm Netath. The prime minister of that Gauyuth place. The automatic
-bather."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, <i>that</i> one."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler handed over the space-o-gram and V.R. muttered through the
-message:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>I'm sure you made a mistake filling my order. You've got to come pick
-up your shipment right away. We're up to our ears and it's shaking us
-to pieces.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Yours in disappointment,<br />
-Ogarm Netath,<br />
-Prime Minister</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Growling, V.R. dropped an effervescent pill into a glass of water. "You
-can't get anywhere with these back-planet bumpkins. I doubt that this
-Netath ever <i>had</i> a bath. Send him a Supplementary Manual of Operating
-Instructions."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler started for the door.</p>
-
-<p>But V.R. called after him. "And bill the prime minister for that
-article. It'll teach him to show a little bit of appreciation."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus winced before the persistent tremors that came through the floor
-of his cellar. He made another adjustment on the gravity control
-deflecting the planetoid's center of pseudomass another few feet. The
-ground beneath him finally quieted.</p>
-
-<p>"Three days," he mumbled, dragging himself up the stairs.</p>
-
-<p>Edna received him with hands on hips. "Three days&mdash;what?"</p>
-
-<p>"Getting things balanced again."</p>
-
-<p>"What are you going to do about all that stuff cluttering up our
-beautiful planetoid?" She was near tears.</p>
-
-<p>With Edna dogging his steps, he returned to the veranda, where his
-julep was now quite thin and warm in the rays of the setting sun.</p>
-
-<p>"We'll have to find out where it came from first," he said, staring
-dismally over the mountains of machinery and grain, the tumbled stacks
-of crates and barrels and kegs, the lesser rows of wheeled and winged
-vehicles.</p>
-
-<p>"Seems to me," Edna persisted, "that the invoices will show that." She
-gestured at what remained of the stacks of printed forms.</p>
-
-<p>The rest of the slips were strewn over the ground as far as he could
-see. "Only the <i>first</i> sheet will show the origin&mdash;<i>if</i> we could ever
-find it," Titus explained.</p>
-
-<p>He went out to the air car, warmed it up and sent it churning skyward.
-Near the attenuated top of the atmosphere, he was able to see exactly
-how much extraneous stuff had been dumped on his world. The main area
-of disposal seemed to have been within a two-mile radius of the house.</p>
-
-<p>An ever-widening helical course, wending its way alternately from night
-to day, eventually brought him on a great circle that sliced over both
-poles. Then, with his searchlights still burning, he spiraled inward,
-covering the other hemisphere. The rest of his world was in primal
-order.</p>
-
-<p>He started for home around the daylight side.</p>
-
-<p>But even above the noise of his own rotorjets, the stridence of
-descending freighters erupted in a pandemonium of sound all around him.
-Great clouds of rockets, clustered in fleets, were darkening the sky
-and raining down onto the surface.</p>
-
-<p>He barely managed to pull out from under one of the formations before
-it could pinch him against the ground. Swearing in oaths that he had
-not used in years, he headed for the nearest group of ships. Before he
-could close in, they had discharged their cargoes and thundered off
-into space again.</p>
-
-<p>He altered course for another detachment of freighters, only to meet
-with the same frustrating results. By the time he had aimed his craft
-at a third group, all the ships had blasted away, leaving everywhere
-great, gleaming mounds and stacks and irregular rows of crates and
-containers that completely obscured the surface.</p>
-
-<p>Enraged, Titus gunned the craft for home. He picked his way between
-several monstrous peaks of grain, some of them soaring nearly all the
-way up through the six-hundred-foot-thick atmosphere, and threw on his
-brakes to avoid collision with a tremendous pyramid of what looked like
-corn kernels.</p>
-
-<p>With stark apprehension, he envisioned his world shaking apart under
-the eccentric forces. But he quelled his fears with logic: This new
-addition of mass, apparently distributed evenly over all but the four
-square miles that had already served as a dumping ground, would be
-unbalanced only to a negligible degree.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus flicked on his landing lights as he headed into the night. But
-from over the horizon came a glare considerably stronger than the
-candlepower of his own electrical system. As he pulled up to the
-mooring pylon, the explanation was evident.</p>
-
-<p>Scores of Pullman crafts were packed so tightly around his house that
-the blunt noses of several were sticking out over the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>He cut off the idling jets. The militant strains of a Venurian march,
-blaring from the instruments of a hundred-piece symphony, swelled up
-mightily all around him. The orchestra itself was wedged between two
-residential crafts while the roof of McWorther's generating house
-served as the conductor's podium.</p>
-
-<p>On the veranda, a full troupe of Simalean Ballet dancers swirled and
-caracoled, not seeming to mind that they were occasionally overflowing
-the tiles and flouncing not so lightly through Edna's caladiums.</p>
-
-<p>His wife stood helplessly by, still gripping the autobroom which
-she had evidently wielded without success in an attempt to rout the
-intruders.</p>
-
-<p>Dismayed, Titus elbowed his way through a dedicated choral group that
-was patriotically rendering the "Fayothian Anthem," sidestepped a
-tumbling foursome obviously from one of the Lesser Javapa planets and
-pushed aside a debating team which was having little luck making itself
-heard above the general cacophony.</p>
-
-<p>Edna swept out to meet him. "Titus, they just won't leave!"</p>
-
-<p>"Who are they? What do they want?"</p>
-
-<p>"I don't know." She was having a difficult time restraining herself.
-"They asked for the ministry of something or other. Then they said they
-were cooped up so long that they had to get some practice."</p>
-
-<p>Titus bellowed for attention. But nobody turned an ear, except a
-pirouetting ballerina who whirled to a stop nearby, glissaded over in
-front of him and made a theatrical display of bending over and planting
-a set of lip-prints on his forehead&mdash;a gesture that fed considerable
-fuel to Edna's vexation.</p>
-
-<p>"You're cute," the dancer tittered. "You got the word on this place,
-Pudgy? What is it&mdash;a stopover station?"</p>
-
-<p>Before he could answer, one of the tumblers shouted, "It's snowing!"</p>
-
-<p>The choral group broke reverently into the ancient carol "Noel" while
-the orchestra paused on an upbeat and swung into a jazzed-up "Jingle
-Bells."</p>
-
-<p>Perplexed, Titus stared at the dancing snowflakes. But that was
-impossible! It <i>never</i> snowed here on McWorther's World!</p>
-
-<p>Then he remembered the grain peak he had skirted on the way home. It
-had extended high above the infrared and ultraviolet shields&mdash;into the
-naked, hot zone where restless winds had wafted the kernels eastward.</p>
-
-<p>He picked up one of the "flakes."</p>
-
-<p><i>Popcorn!</i></p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">III</p>
-
-<p>Many light years away, the Emperor of the Eastern Cluster whirled
-around, kicked his bejeweled train out of the way and faced his chief
-adviser. "So they've opened up a new aid offensive?"</p>
-
-<p>"And a most vital one." The adviser blew on his spectacles and
-burnished the lenses against his sleeve. "A place called McWorther. Our
-intelligence got its coordinates from their consignment documents."</p>
-
-<p>"Never heard of it."</p>
-
-<p>"That's what's so insidious about this whole capitalist plot. They've
-kept it under their hats."</p>
-
-<p>"And why is it so vital?"</p>
-
-<p>The adviser directed the Emperor's attention to a space globe suspended
-from the ceiling. He pressed two buttons on the wall and twin beams of
-light intersected within the sphere. "That's McWorther's location."</p>
-
-<p>"Why&mdash;why&mdash;" the Emperor stammered. "That outflanks us completely!"</p>
-
-<p>"What concerns me is how many other undisclosed but settled worlds lie
-in that same general area."</p>
-
-<p>"A whole raft of them, no doubt," the Emperor said pessimistically.</p>
-
-<p>"What are we going to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"In this critical sector we've got to make friends&mdash;and fast! We'll
-begin with the McWorther place."</p>
-
-<p>"How far do you want to go?"</p>
-
-<p>"All the way. Empty the surplus bins. Clear out the warehouses. Let
-McWorther have every available pound of material and equipment."</p>
-
-<p>"Terms?"</p>
-
-<p>"Terms be damned! We let the Western Cluster steal a march on us.
-We've got to recoup. Everything goes as an outright gift&mdash;with all the
-cultural trimmings thrown in."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus splashed into the cellar and struck out for the hypertransmitter.</p>
-
-<p>It was a peculiar flood. Suffusing the water was a thick scum that
-flashed iridescently as it caught the glint of light from the ceiling.
-He stuck his finger into the dross and applied it to the tip of his
-tongue.</p>
-
-<p>Syrup!</p>
-
-<p>He thought of the thousands of barrels that had been dumped into the
-lake and surmised that the contaminated water was backing up through
-the drainage system.</p>
-
-<p>He altered course for the pumps.</p>
-
-<p>And, like ships in convoy, a score of virtuosos invaded the cellar,
-paddling in his wake.</p>
-
-<p>The soprano's piercing voice assailed his ears. "In all my theatrical
-experience, I have never been subjected to such indignity! I insist&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>But a violinist pushed forward, wielding his bow like a stiff finger.
-"You, sir, are holding back on us. No doubt you know what our future
-instructions are."</p>
-
-<p>"I've never seen such fascist highhandedness," complained a diminutive
-choreographer in the uniform of a Palosov Rocket Dancer. "In the name
-of the ministry of culture of the Eastern Federation, I demand to see a
-representative of His Imperial Highness!"</p>
-
-<p>Ignoring them, Titus trudged on to the pumps and set them for maximum
-drain-off.</p>
-
-<p>The Simalean ballerina did a series of rapid turns and watched the
-spray and the pattern of ripples that issued from her darting feet.</p>
-
-<p>"Exquisite!" she exuberated. "I shall have to speak with the <i>maître de
-ballet</i> about a nymphal sequence!"</p>
-
-<p>"Come on, Pop." One of the tumblers confronted Titus. "What's the
-gimmick? Why are they keeping us loafing around here?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why?" roared a dramatist, allowing his voice full rein in the acoustic
-inadequacy of the cellar. "I'll tell you: It's a capitalist scheme to
-abduct the top talent of the glorious workers' federation!"</p>
-
-<p>Hands clamped over his ears, Titus finally made it to the
-hypertransmitter. He jiggled its dials, beat on the cabinet, lifted a
-foot from the water and gave it a couple of kicks broadside.</p>
-
-<p>No results. It was obviously shorted out from the flood. And none of
-the Pullman crafts was equipped with long-range communications gear.</p>
-
-<p>Titus waded from the cellar, plodded through the house, leaving pools
-of syrupy water in his wake, and stalked onto the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>The scene was no less hectic than it had been. There were two
-orchestras now. And they were waging a war of decibels to determine
-whether the "East Cluster Blastoff March" or the "West Cluster Anthem"
-should prevail over McWorther's World.</p>
-
-<p>Two debating teams were holding forth on the comparative benefits of
-proletarian solidarity and the free enterprise system. Beyond the
-caladium bed, Edna, who seemed to have finally succumbed to frustrated
-abandon, had struck a face-to-the-sun and wind-in-her-hair posture for
-a portraitist who was drowning futility in artistic endeavor.</p>
-
-<p>But there was neither wind nor sun to accommodate the pose, Titus
-lamented. For, after yesterday's deliveries by the bright red cargo
-ships, which had obviously been from the Eastern Cluster, there was
-little left of McWorther's World that could be recognized.</p>
-
-<p>The immediate area around the house had been spared in the deluge of
-material. But, beyond, great sloping expanses of grain and crates,
-barrels, boxes, machinery, bulging sacks and drums stretched up and
-away like the inner walls of a crater.</p>
-
-<p>Fortunately, disposal onto the surface of McWorther's World had
-stopped. But not delivery to the system. Coruscating pinpoints
-of flame, far out in space, signified the presence of thousands
-upon thousands of cargo carriers that were dropping off their
-freight in solar orbit. The items of merchandise themselves were
-indistinguishable. But their composite existence was beginning to take
-on the appearance of a great ring of fragmented particles stretching
-around the sun.</p>
-
-<p>And Titus supposed that it was only the reliability of the mass-fending
-generators attached to each article that tentatively kept them all
-separate and prevented them from plunging like a devastating hailstorm
-onto the surface of his world.</p>
-
-<p>He slumped to the ground and bracketed his cheeks between his palms.
-For some unaccountable reason, it seemed that the productivity of the
-entire universe was being showered down on his private planetoid in one
-vast gravy-train effect.</p>
-
-<p>Only he was drowning in the gravy.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"And that's my story." Undersecretary of Cosmic Aid Hoverly laid his
-hands on the conference table. "And we now have McWorther's World on a
-total aid schedule."</p>
-
-<p>President Roswell, an angular man with a troubled face, drummed his
-fingertips together. "Gentlemen, this is most serious."</p>
-
-<p>On his right, Ambassador Summerson's head bobbed in accord. The gesture
-spread next to the chief of intelligence, then to Hoyerly, thus making
-the circuit back to Roswell.</p>
-
-<p>"To sum up, then," said the President, "you, Hoverly, authorized aid
-for a McWorther's World in the 47-126 area."</p>
-
-<p>The undersecretary glanced away uneasily.</p>
-
-<p>"But you, Summerson," Roswell continued, "have no record of having
-signed aid agreements with such a place."</p>
-
-<p>"That's right," the ambassador verified. "But deciding to accommodate
-McWorther's World was the most fantastic stroke of good luck
-imaginable."</p>
-
-<p>Hoverly squinted. "I don't follow you."</p>
-
-<p>"When you sent aid to the Potentate, not only did you pick what will
-undoubtedly develop into the most critical political area of the
-millennium, but you also beat the Easties to the draw in a sector that
-they had staked out all for themselves."</p>
-
-<p>"A stroke of sheer luck," President Roswell concurred.</p>
-
-<p>The roving ambassador leaned back smiling. "The chance timing was
-perfect too. We beat them by less than two weeks."</p>
-
-<p>But the intelligence chief's face was rigid with dejection. "We got
-there 'firstest,' to use an ancient expression, but not with the
-'mostest.' Our agents in Imperial City report that the amount of aid
-authorized for McWorther's World is unbelievable. The entire Eastern
-Cluster is going on a full austerity basis to support the program."</p>
-
-<p>"That shows what value they place on McWorther's World and the sector
-it opens up," Roswell offered. "When they found out we'd moved in ahead
-of them, their reaction was frantic."</p>
-
-<p>Summerson rose. "This, then, gentlemen, is it."</p>
-
-<p>"It certainly is." Roswell's voice was heavy with despondency. "The
-most God-awful aid war the cluster has ever seen."</p>
-
-<p>"We can't back out," the ambassador warned. "We've got to get busy and
-face up to the task."</p>
-
-<p>"With every resource at our disposal. To ignore the challenge would be
-to surrender this entire section of the galaxy to the Easties."</p>
-
-<p>The President was silent a moment. "Gentlemen, I am herewith sounding a
-call to economic arms. Cancel all other aid commitments and activity.
-Throw everything we have got, everything we can ever hope to produce,
-at McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"I think you'd better call on the Potentate personally," Summerson
-proposed.</p>
-
-<p>"That," said Roswell, "is exactly what I intend to do."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Adjusting the drape of his robe, the Emperor sent his eyes flicking
-over the report. Finally he lurched from his chair with a resounding
-"Eureka!"</p>
-
-<p>"So you see how it is, Your Imperial Highness," his chief adviser
-offered. "By cutting in on their McWorther World operation, we have
-indeed touched a sensitive Western spot."</p>
-
-<p>"There's no question about that," the Emperor said lustily. He was a
-portly man whose sartorial excesses made him seem even more imposing.
-His eyes, recessed under thickset brows, flared with triumph as he
-said, "McWorther's World must figure prominently in their planning.
-From the way they cut loose with everything they had when they found
-out we were stepping in too, damned if I'm not convinced this new
-system will be the pivotal point of their entire future strategy."</p>
-
-<p>"Then we'd better order double production quotas on every world that
-flies the Eastern flag."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Triple</i> quotas. And have my space yacht refitted by tomorrow."</p>
-
-<p>"You're going somewhere, Highness?" asked the adviser.</p>
-
-<p>"This Potentate McWorther is likely to be the third most important
-political figure in the galaxy. I'm not going to lose any time getting
-over there and pumping his hand."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>His face flushed with rage, Ogarm Netath tossed the space-o-gram at his
-foreign minister, then snatched it back out of Bataul's hands before he
-had a chance to read it.</p>
-
-<p>"It's a bill!" Netath's voice quivered. "They sent us a bill for that
-damned bather monstrosity!"</p>
-
-<p>Bataul's brow, to all appearances, was ready for spring planting. "Let
-me have another look at it."</p>
-
-<p>Netath stood there trembling while the foreign minister sent his eyes
-darting over the paper.</p>
-
-<p>"It's from Rear-Sobucks!" Bataul exclaimed. "A retail concern that
-obviously handles automatic bathers!"</p>
-
-<p>"But it was our aid shipment, wasn't it?"</p>
-
-<p>"Apparently not. It says here, '... for merchandise previously extended
-<i>in behalf of</i> the Western Cluster....'"</p>
-
-<p>"I don't understand."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul's features struggled through a gamut of expressions. "I think
-I'm just beginning to. Do you remember last year when we had that
-communications survey made? Between here and the nearest Western relay
-station, there was that single system. I think some crackpot had laid
-claim&mdash;of course. McWorther's his name. Calls himself a potentate."</p>
-
-<p>Netath stiffened. "And you think&mdash;?"</p>
-
-<p>"I think both we and McWorther are victims of message interfusion,"
-Bataul said flatly.</p>
-
-<p>"And our aid shipments&mdash;?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'd bet McWorther must be wringing his hands over more loot than he'll
-ever be able to count."</p>
-
-<p>Netath started punching buttons on his desk. "We've got work to do."</p>
-
-<p>"What kind?"</p>
-
-<p>"First you're going to get off a message to this Rear-Sobucks bunch
-and tell them what they can do with their bill <i>and</i> their automatic
-bather&mdash;if it'll fit. You can also explain what's happened."</p>
-
-<p>"This time we'll send the message around the <i>right</i> leg of the
-cluster," Bataul assured.</p>
-
-<p>"Then we're hopping over to this McWorther system and laying down the
-law to that character. <i>That</i> I want to do personally."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"This," said Twenty-Seventh Vice-President Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks,
-"explains it all."</p>
-
-<p>"Communications interfusion?" the twenty-sixth vice-president asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Absolutely, V.R. Just like Premier Netath says."</p>
-
-<p>"Then there's a Rear-Sobucks customer who has been unnecessarily
-inconvenienced and still hasn't been satisfied?"</p>
-
-<p>With a curt nod, Wheeler confirmed the other's fear.</p>
-
-<p>V.R. rose from his desk and wagged a finger at the other. "I still
-don't understand it all, Wheeler. But I can't avoid the impression that
-you're somehow responsible for the mess."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler cowered.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>You're</i> going to take a trip&mdash;now!" V.R. went on, gathering steam.
-"<i>You're</i> going to deliver a bather personally to this Potentate
-McWorther. <i>You're</i> going to extend the apologies of the entire
-Rear-Sobucks organization!"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">IV</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured his tenth consecutive julep&mdash;directly from the bottle,
-without the benefit of ice, sugar or mint&mdash;and leaned back in his
-chair. His occupancy of a corner of the veranda had been a hard-won
-concession.</p>
-
-<p>Almost indifferent now, he stared at the hundreds of virtuosos and
-shouted, "Go home!"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" width="650" height="386" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>But there was little zing in his voice and the words were, of course,
-lost in the confused sea of sound&mdash;musical, argumentative, operatic and
-otherwise. Heedless, the orchestras played, the ballet dancers whirled,
-painters sketched, gymnasts tumbled, dramatists soliloquized and the
-vocalists made it plain that they would give no quarter.</p>
-
-<p>McWorther's World shud-shuddered. And the towering peaks of machinery
-and grain, cases and crates rumbled ominously as their slopes shifted.
-Titus' ears popped and he suddenly felt a giddiness that was all out of
-proportion to the number of juleps he had consumed.</p>
-
-<p>An all-too-brief silence fell over the multitude. Then, as stability
-returned to the planetoid, they dived back into their various
-activities.</p>
-
-<p>They were damned fools, McWorther thought. Even if it meant risking
-their lives, they would be willing to stay there and consort in their
-Olympian ecstasy of artistic communion. It was a field day, old home
-week, esoteric <i>anschluss</i>, a fraternal blowout&mdash;all rolled into one.</p>
-
-<p>A distant explosion rent what was left of the compact atmosphere. And,
-as an immediate consequence, additional hundreds of tons of grain
-<i>hissed</i> down a nearby slope and eased into the lake.</p>
-
-<p>Somewhat concerned, Titus stared at the myriad points of light
-coruscating deep out in space. What was happening was obvious: There
-were millions, perhaps billions of articles of freight in the same
-orbit&mdash;all maintaining their distances from the planetoid and from
-one another by virtue of their mass-repulsion generators. And, where
-that many electronic units were concerned, the breakdown factor became
-a predictable quantity. McWorther's World could now expect to be the
-target of a plunging chunk of cargo once every four or five minutes.</p>
-
-<p>Another few hours, Titus realized, and that interval would be reduced
-to four or five seconds. For he could readily see the infinite streams
-of freighters that were still arriving and dropping off additional
-cargo.</p>
-
-<p>As a matter of fact, it was so thick out there now that only a faint,
-diffused light was coming through from McWorther's Sun.</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured himself another mintless, sugarless, iceless julep.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The insigne of the Western Cluster emblazoned on its side, a giant ship
-felt its way down through the atmosphere, sidled this way and that as
-it squeezed through the barrier of anchored Pullman crafts, pulled up
-and hovered over the southern edge of the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>At that particular moment, Titus had been quite fascinated with the
-tumblers' practice session. One of the gymnasts, preparing for a
-back-flip, had taken a boost from the cupped hands of another. Only
-the resulting arc through the air was executed with slow-motion rhythm
-that took the performer to a height of perhaps twenty feet before he
-floated back to the ground.</p>
-
-<p>At the same time, Titus' ears popped again and he had the odd sensation
-that the deck chair was shrinking away beneath him.</p>
-
-<p>The newly arrived ship lowered an escalator to the surface and the
-pilot glided down, landing only a few feet from McWorther.</p>
-
-<p>"There seems to be some mistake," he said. "I was given
-these coordinates and orbital factor for a&mdash;" he checked his
-notebook&mdash;"McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"This," said Titus stiffly, "<i>is</i> McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>Cupping his hands, the pilot called back into the ship. "We're on the
-right place."</p>
-
-<p>An alarmed face poked out of the hatch.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>This</i> is it?"</p>
-
-<p>Titus lurched to his feet, returning an equally startled expression.
-The man coming clown the escalator was President Vance Roswell of the
-Western Federation! He had seen the face on thousands of newscasts.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell, sickened, stared at the mountains of supplies on the obscured
-surface of the planetoid. He tilted his head back and took in the
-glimmering sea of cargo out in space, the flaring trails of exhaust
-jets that criss-crossed in an infinite pattern as endless streams of
-ships jockeyed into position to discharge more freight. Then he dropped
-to the veranda railing and buried his face hopelessly in his hands.</p>
-
-<p>By then, one of the orchestra conductors, who had also recognized the
-President, had abruptly brought his baton down to terminate the "Lyraen
-Overture." He led his ensemble into a stirring rendition of the "West
-Cluster Anthem."</p>
-
-<p>Without interrupting his misery, Roswell elevated a limp hand and
-signaled for quiet.</p>
-
-<p>But even before the musicians tapered to silence on a jagged, perplexed
-note, the other orchestra blared forth with the "East Cluster Blastoff
-March," all its members standing and facing the northern edge of the
-veranda.</p>
-
-<p>Titus watched the impressive vessel float to the surface, its almost
-invisible repulsor beams jostling the lesser Pullman ships out of its
-way. Splashed across its side was the fist-clutching-galaxy symbol of
-the Eastern Federation.</p>
-
-<p>He was still gawking when the hatch opened, ushering onto the tiled
-surface none other than the Emperor himself&mdash;an immense, brilliantly
-robed man who swept like a bowling ball through his retinue of aides.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>There were two distant explosions, one close on the heels of the other,
-and the planetoid convulsed. That time, Titus imagined, he had seen one
-of the masses of cargo plunging to the surface.</p>
-
-<p>The Emperor drew up before Titus. But although his lips moved, no
-audible sound came from his mouth, since he was in the immediate range
-of the Eastern Symphony Orchestra's bass section.</p>
-
-<p>Scowling, he whirled, threw up this arms and bellowed for silence.
-Quiet came as though someone had pulled a plug.</p>
-
-<p>"Now," he said, propping his fists on his hips and flaring his robe
-out even further, "perhaps someone will enlighten me. I'm looking for
-McWorther's World. It's supposed to be here."</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured a triple, undiluted julep and gulped down half of it. He
-said, "You're standing on it."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>This!</i> That's impossible! What's the population?"</p>
-
-<p>"Two&mdash;not counting the transients." Titus started to offer the Emperor
-the rest of his julep, thought better of it and drank it himself.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell withdrew from his dejection, looked up and nodded, verifying
-the Emperor's stark suspicion. It was apparent that the President was
-only then aware of the Emperor's identity. And the latter was obviously
-no less surprised on recognizing his counterpart from the Western
-Cluster.</p>
-
-<p>They only stared uncertainly at each other while the hundreds of
-virtuosos, sensing the propriety of demonstrating their loyalty, split
-into two groups and took sides behind their respective leaders.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell laughed finally. It was a high-pitched, unnatural sound that
-conveyed no glee at all and grew only more ragged as his shifting stare
-once again took in the completely ruined merchandise on the surface,
-the practically irretrievable cargoes adrift in space. His pitiable
-outburst suggested an infinity of futility over the wanton waste. It
-spoke wordlessly of sterility for hundreds of productive worlds over
-the years ahead&mdash;economic sterility, and its inevitable consequence of
-military impotence.</p>
-
-<p>The Emperor watched him for a moment, then dropped to the veranda
-rail beside him. He didn't join in the almost hysterical laughter.
-But his glum features reflected sympathetic appreciation of Roswell's
-predicament. And in his heavy silence was the admission that the
-circumstances were mutual.</p>
-
-<p>McWorther's World trembled again. Titus inclined his head to one side,
-jiggling a finger in his ear to stop it from popping. He could have
-sworn, too, that he had seen the Emperor and the President levitate a
-good several inches off the rail.</p>
-
-<p>Edna stalked from the house, surveyed the new arrivals without giving
-any indication she had recognized them and wagged a finger in her
-husband's face.</p>
-
-<p>"Titus, this has gone far enough!" she exclaimed. "If you don't&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Later, Love," he pacified. "Something's going wrong."</p>
-
-<p>She was taken aback by his understatement. But he hadn't meant it that
-way. He had merely expressed suspicion over his recurrent sensations of
-lightness.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Almost at the same time, two other ships dropped down at the edge of
-the veranda. The hatch of the first sprang open and disgorged a thin
-man in a swallow-tail coat who drew rigidly erect and announced:</p>
-
-<p>"His Most August Excellency, Prime Minister Netath of Gauyuth-Six!"</p>
-
-<p>Ogarm Netath, indignation branding his features, strode out. "Where's
-this Potentate McWorther character?" he demanded.</p>
-
-<p>A hundred extended fingers singled out Titus, who was just then pouring
-a thirteenth julep.</p>
-
-<p>Netath stomped over. "You, sir, have got <i>my</i> aid consignments!"</p>
-
-<p>By that time, the other ship had thrown open its hatch and a short,
-stout man in a business suit emerged.</p>
-
-<p>"I am Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks and Company," he disclosed, standing to
-one side so that two men working with antigrav grapples could wrestle
-a large crate onto the veranda. "I have an apology and an automatic
-bather for Potentate McWorther."</p>
-
-<p>But Titus turned his back on the man, abruptly facing his wife. "Good
-God! What day is it?"</p>
-
-<p>She frowned in puzzlement. "Why, Wednesday."</p>
-
-<p>There was a sharp explosion nearby as another article of cargo came
-hurtling down from space.</p>
-
-<p>"And it's almost noon!"</p>
-
-<p>She nodded, still perplexed.</p>
-
-<p>"Get into the spaceabout, Love&mdash;<i>quick</i>!"</p>
-
-<p>She hesitated and he gave her a shove.</p>
-
-<p>But he paused and faced the others. "You got just about fifteen minutes
-to climb into your contraptions and clear out&mdash;all of you! Because by
-then we'll be fresh out of gravity!"</p>
-
-<p>And they'd be lucky if they had <i>that much</i> time, he realized as he
-followed Edna into the small craft. He had known he would have to face
-the inevitable crisis on Wednesday. But all along he had been off one
-day in his calculations, such that he had been sure today was only
-Tuesday.</p>
-
-<p>"What is it, Titus?" his wife asked as he strapped himself in beside
-her.</p>
-
-<p>"The supplementary gravity generator hasn't been refueled! It's
-sputtering out!"</p>
-
-<p>From space, he watched the end of McWorther's World.</p>
-
-<p>The atmosphere went first, <i>swooshing</i> outward as a result of abrupt
-decompression and leaving a halo of frozen water crystals in its wake.
-Then the cargo that was piled on the surface recoiled from its own
-cumulative pressure and shot out into space. The topsoil followed suit,
-dispersing like a dust storm, while the lakes boiled in one instant and
-their vapor froze in the next.</p>
-
-<p>Before any of the hurtling mess could reach his spaceabout, Titus
-followed the Pullman crafts, the Rear-Sobucks delivery vehicle and the
-Presidential and Imperial yachts into hyperspace.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus and Edna McWorther have given up rustic retirement. Instead they
-are living out their declining years in a floating villa just off the
-Jersey coast.</p>
-
-<p>Life is still gratifying, with the exception of one detail.</p>
-
-<p>But Titus is resolved that he and his wife will have to be content with
-the shower-masseur for the rest of their lives.</p>
-
-<p>At any rate, he'll be damned if he'll put in another order for an
-automatic bather, with or without a back-scrubbing attachment.</p>
-
-<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 60809 ***</div>
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Gravy Train, by Daniel F. Galouye
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll
-have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using
-this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: Gravy Train
-
-Author: Daniel F. Galouye
-
-Release Date: November 29, 2019 [EBook #60809]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GRAVY TRAIN ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
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-
-
- GRAVY TRAIN
-
- By DANIEL F. GALOUYE
-
- _Ever hear of evil fairies who
- grant three wishes? McWorther's
- was more efficient. One wish
- was plenty to bring catastrophe!_
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1960.
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
- I
-
-At one hundred and thirty, life was indeed gratifying for Titus
-McWorther. But for one missing detail, it would have been perfect.
-
-With his wife, Edna, he had planned well for retirement. His
-idyllic estate consisted of a second-hand planetoid, thirty miles in
-circumference, which was the only habitable piece of matter in its
-system. Complete with supplementary gravity generator, a compact
-atmosphere, a mantle of lush topsoil and a carefully selected biota,
-McWorther's World was both his delight and his pride.
-
-Its principal asset was, of course, its isolation.
-
-Well away from the mainstream of galactic civilization, McWorther's
-Star was smugly hidden behind a dark nebula, through which he and Edna
-plunged twice a year to the fringe of the cluster--just to observe and
-mock convention, if for nothing else.
-
-It was an ideal setup.
-
-But, after two sedentary years, Titus realized he still needed one item
-to make his retirement complete. So he dispatched this tight-beamed
-message to the packet order department of Rear-Sobucks and Company in
-the West Cluster Federation's Hub City:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- Please send one automatic bather with back-scrubbing attachment
- and toy boat docks, as listed in your videolog under order
- No. 4678-25C. Charge same to credit account No. W414754-B24D.
-
- Sincerely yours,
- Titus McWorther, Potentate
- McWorther's World
-
-He listed the coordinates of the star and the orbital factor of his
-planetoid.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Unfortunately, the hyper-spatial line between McWorther's World and
-the nearest relay center was partly coincident with the link to the
-politically noncommitted world of Gauyuth-VI.
-
-This condition, together with the fact that components of a
-communication are sent by separate pulse, sometimes leads to the
-embarrassing phenomenon known as "message interfusion," which is
-retransmission of the right text with the wrong signature.
-
-And it so happened that as Titus McWorther's order was en route, the
-system was also being burdened with this intelligence to the Ganymede
-Extension of the Western Cluster's State Department:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- This will verify our agreement and authorize implementation of
- interstellar aid arrangements as set forth in conferences with your
- ambassador. If such arrangements produce mutual satisfaction, we
- will quite readily declare concurrence, in principle at least, with
- the political aims of the Western Cluster.
-
- Respectfully yours,
- Ogarm Netath,
- Prime Minister
- Gauyuth-VI
-
-Appended to the signature were the coordinates of Gauyuth and the
-orbital factor of its Number Six planet.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Wharton Hoverly, undersecretary of cosmic aid for the Western Cluster,
-plucked at his thick, gray mustache as he reread the space-o-gram.
-
-He punched the videobox stud. "Mallston!"
-
-The younger and more composed face of his assistant stared from the
-screen. "Yes, sir?"
-
-"Anything yet?"
-
-"Not a thing. We have no record of a--McWorther's World."
-
-"What do you suppose?"
-
-"Well, it seems authentic enough. We do know Ambassador Summerson has
-been working in that general area."
-
-"And you think Summerson signed an aid agreement with this potentate?"
-
-"I'd say the message speaks for itself."
-
-Again, Hoverly worried his mustache. "Did you check with Summerson?"
-
-"He's on extended leave."
-
-"What do you think we ought to do?"
-
-"McWorther's World must be a critical area. And evidently we're going
-to get what we want out of the deal, since the Potentate speaks of
-concurrence with Western Cluster aims."
-
-Impatiently, the undersecretary glanced out the window. Ganymede was
-well out of the Jovian umbra now. If he didn't leave soon, he'd be late
-for his conference with the commerce department on Farside Luna.
-
-"All right, Mallston," he said. "Put McWorther's World on a Class A aid
-schedule. That ought to hold the Potentate until Summerson gets back."
-
- * * * * *
-
-In the commercial section of Hub City, Rear-Sobucks and Company
-occupied a monstrous building whose emblematic tip pierced the clouds.
-
-On the two hundredth floor, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-strode through the rail gate, tossed the secretary a
-"don't-bother-to-announce-me" glance and went on into the inner office
-of the twenty-sixth vice-president.
-
-"Got something I thought you'd be interested in, V.R.," he told the
-limp-faced man behind the desk. "There may be a promotion angle."
-
-"What is it?" V.R. asked, not exactly gripping his chair with
-anticipation.
-
-The other placed the space-o-gram on the desk. "It's from an Ogarm
-Netath, _prime minister_ of a place called Gauyuth-Six. He wants an
-automatic bather."
-
-V.R. extended a "so what?" glare.
-
-"Don't you see? Big shots like that don't place personal orders. But
-here's one who thinks so much of a Rear-Sobucks item that he forgets
-all about convention."
-
-"And so, Wheeler, you want to capitalize on his good name in some sort
-of promotion gimmick," V.R. said through taut lips.
-
-Wheeler shrank. "But I thought--"
-
-"Never mind what you thought. Fill his order. Send it compliments
-of--let's see, Gauyuth-Six is uncommitted--compliments of the Western
-Cluster."
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was a fine morning on McWorther's World. Cotton-candy clouds floated
-over the fields. Dreaming herons, balanced on slender legs, gave
-the shallows of the lake a tufted appearance. A delightful breeze,
-artificially generated at the equator, wafted flowering stalks and
-rocked the air car and spaceabout at their moorings.
-
-Titus snorted on the veranda and reached for his julep. He was a chunky
-little man, with the ruddiness of good health tinting his face and
-overflowing onto his partly bald pate.
-
-"Where are you, Titus?" an anxious voice disturbed the quiet of the
-house.
-
-"Out here, Love."
-
-Edna appeared in the doorway. Despite her age, there was still the
-fascination in her timeless eyes that had snared Titus more than ninety
-years ago.
-
-"The chef burned the beans again," she said, frowning.
-
-"Guess I'll have to fix it."
-
-"You know it's not the cooker. It's that darned gravity."
-
-He realized now it was a weight fluctuation that had nudged him from
-his nap.
-
-"I've got it _set_ that way, Love," he explained. "We did not get
-clouds in the contract. But by varying the gravity control we can have
-them for nothing. It all has to do with atmospheric pressure."
-
-Edna cast a resigned glance skyward. "If that's the way you want
-it--fleecy clouds and burnt beans--"
-
-The guttural scream of braking jets rattled the windows and sent the
-herons winging for the safety of the other hemisphere. Hesitating on
-the fringe of the atmosphere, the freighter altered its approach and
-landed beside the house.
-
-Titus went out to meet the skipper and his three assistants whose arms
-were filled with printed forms.
-
-"You Potentate McWorther?" the skipper asked.
-
-Titus smiled in embarrassment. "It's a gag. I just call myself that."
-
-"We got your order," the other snapped. "Where do you want it?"
-
-Titus' small eyes widened with an inner vision of the automatic
-bather--a vision which went on in speculation to dispose of the crude
-shower-masseur, for which he and Edna were getting a bit too old.
-
-"If you'll put it on the veranda--" He paused and shouted back toward
-the house. "Edna, get out the grapplers. We're in business."
-
-"Fun-ny," the skipper observed with dry derision. Then he signaled to
-his waiting assistants.
-
-They came forward and, one by one, thrust their stacks of printed
-forms against Titus' chest. His arms came up in a reflex to accept the
-offerings. But, as the third assistant's contribution sent the stack
-soaring in front of his face, he went down under the weight.
-
-When he had extricated himself from the mound of paper, the men had
-returned to their ship. And now its sides were folding down and scores
-of huge crates were drifting out on repulsor beams and fluttering to
-the ground.
-
-Soon the freighter was gone and Edna was at his side.
-
-"What _have_ you gotten us into now, Titus?"
-
-"Honest, Love--I don't know."
-
-Suddenly his ears were splitting with the thunderous roar of a thousand
-ships plunging down to the surface as far as he could see around the
-perimeter of his small world. Each pulled to a halt a few feet from the
-ground, opened its sides and disgorged vast mounds of crates and sacks,
-boxes and barrels, naked hills of coarse material that hissed like
-gravel as it spewed from chutes, gleaming masses of machinery.
-
-Confounded, Titus seized one of the slips of paper. It was an invoice
-listing two hundred earth movers, seventy-five instant pavers, five
-hundred concrete mixers.
-
-Matching his frown, Edna read a second sheet and demanded, "What on
-earth do you expect to do with a hundred thousand barrels of wheat germ
-oil? Four thousand kegs of eight-penny nails? Forty-five hundred tons
-of soybeans?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-At his secluded villa, Prime Minister Netath was entertaining his
-foreign minister, Ugaza Bataul.
-
-Netath leaned against the terrace bar and proposed a toast. "To an era
-of plenty."
-
-Bataul smiled. "At the expense of the Western Cluster."
-
-They gulped the drinks and Netath stared down into his empty glass.
-"We're quite fortunate that the Western Cluster's aspirations are
-extending to this sector."
-
-"As long as we can be sure that there won't be any _military_
-advances." Bataul added the qualification with misgiving.
-
-"Oh, there's no danger of that. Actually, we're lucky we didn't try to
-get on the Eastern Cluster's gravy train. We'd have had to make a lot
-of concessions."
-
-Heralding its own approach with a sputtering rumble, the station
-'copter came in low over the trees and dropped down on the lawn. Netath
-walked over as his chauffeur climbed out of the cab and used antigrav
-grapples to float a large crate out of the freight compartment.
-
-"Just picked it up at the space terminal," the man explained. "Must be
-that aid shipment."
-
-Bataul laughed. "You mean the first batch of credit certificates,
-maybe."
-
-The chauffeur pressed the "unpack" stud. The sides of the crate fell
-outward.
-
-"What _is_ it?" Netath drew back, surveying the ivory, tanklike thing
-with its sparkling fixtures and flexible appendages.
-
-Bataul bent and read the words on the inscription plate: "Deluxe
-Automatic Bather--4678-25C."
-
-By then, Netath had found the torn, soiled delivery tag. He read the
-part of the writing that was still legible:
-
- "... _sincerely hope this expression of Western amity meets with
- your satisfaction. If we can serve you again, please don't
- hesitate._..."
-
-Infuriated, he imparted a vindictive kick to the crate and crumpled the
-paper.
-
-"_That's_ the cosmic aid we were expecting?" Bataul sputtered.
-
-"Capitalist Western dogs!" Netath exclaimed. "They were just trifling
-with our planetary honor!"
-
-"It's an insult against our racial character!" the foreign minister
-said severely. "They _know_ we have no use for a bather, shedding our
-skin as we do once a day."
-
-Netath forced restraint into his features. "We will not lose our
-diplomatic poise. There is always the chance a mistake has been made."
-
-He drew the contacter out of his pocket and shouted into its grid,
-"Miss Yalera?"
-
-"Yes, sir?" came the instant answer.
-
-"Take a space-o-gram to Solaria."
-
-
- II
-
-When the initial error was made at the hyper-spatial relay station,
-a pattern had been set. Committed categorically to the memory banks
-were the false associations between the State Department's Ganymede
-Extension and Potentate McWorther, between Premier Netath and
-Rear-Sobucks.
-
-Thus, it was somewhat to be expected that Undersecretary Hoverly should
-find himself chewing on the under-bristles of his mustache as he read
-the latest space-o-gram.
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- Needless to say, we are somewhat disappointed over the Western
- Cluster's meager response to our desperate need.
-
- Perhaps Ambassador Summerson misrepresented our agreement. In that
- event, we feel sure that consultation with his Excellency will set
- the record straight.
-
- We would appreciate prompt attention to this detail. Otherwise, in
- the interest of our people, we shall feel compelled to seek
- satisfaction elsewhere.
-
- Respectfully yours,
- Titus McWorther,
- Potentate
-
-Hoverly tossed the message on his desk, punched the audio-com button
-and called for his assistant. When Mallston arrived, the undersecretary
-was still pacing.
-
-"Did you take care of the McWorther World aid consignment?" he asked.
-
-Mallston nodded. "Delivery should have been made day before yesterday.
-Full Class A schedule."
-
-"Well, it wasn't enough!" Hoverly extended a stiff finger toward the
-space-o-gram. "Read that."
-
-Looking up finally, Mallston said, "Evidently we dropped the ball."
-
-"Indeed we did. Ambassador Summerson must have promised the Potentate
-the whole works."
-
-Hoverly resumed pacing. "I should have guessed as much. President
-Roswell only last week hinted that the Western Cluster should level its
-galactic commerce sights on that entire sector."
-
-Mallston pondered the gravity of the space-o-gram. "Maybe we should lay
-the McWorther development before the President."
-
-Bristling, the undersecretary said, "And call attention to our own
-incompetence? We'll straighten this matter out by doing what we should
-have done in the first place--by putting the Potentate on the double-A
-priority list. Full and immediate delivery under Class B through K
-schedules."
-
-Mallston started out, but paused at the door. "How about cultural
-exchange?"
-
-"We'll play it safe by assuming Summerson shot the works in that
-category too. Round up every uncommitted cultural group in the cluster."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Shaking his head deprecatingly, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-stood before the desk of the next highest official in the Rear-Sobucks
-hierarchy.
-
-"Well, Wheeler," V.R. clipped without looking up. "What is it this
-time?"
-
-"I'm afraid Netath didn't take too kindly to our gesture."
-
-"Netath? Netath?" V.R. milked the name for its significance.
-
-"Ogarm Netath. The prime minister of that Gauyuth place. The automatic
-bather."
-
-"Oh, _that_ one."
-
-Wheeler handed over the space-o-gram and V.R. muttered through the
-message:
-
- Dear Sir:
-
- I'm sure you made a mistake filling my order. You've got to come
- pick up your shipment right away. We're up to our ears and it's
- shaking us to pieces.
-
- Yours in disappointment,
- Ogarm Netath,
- Prime Minister
-
-Growling, V.R. dropped an effervescent pill into a glass of water. "You
-can't get anywhere with these back-planet bumpkins. I doubt that this
-Netath ever _had_ a bath. Send him a Supplementary Manual of Operating
-Instructions."
-
-Wheeler started for the door.
-
-But V.R. called after him. "And bill the prime minister for that
-article. It'll teach him to show a little bit of appreciation."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus winced before the persistent tremors that came through the floor
-of his cellar. He made another adjustment on the gravity control
-deflecting the planetoid's center of pseudomass another few feet. The
-ground beneath him finally quieted.
-
-"Three days," he mumbled, dragging himself up the stairs.
-
-Edna received him with hands on hips. "Three days--what?"
-
-"Getting things balanced again."
-
-"What are you going to do about all that stuff cluttering up our
-beautiful planetoid?" She was near tears.
-
-With Edna dogging his steps, he returned to the veranda, where his
-julep was now quite thin and warm in the rays of the setting sun.
-
-"We'll have to find out where it came from first," he said, staring
-dismally over the mountains of machinery and grain, the tumbled stacks
-of crates and barrels and kegs, the lesser rows of wheeled and winged
-vehicles.
-
-"Seems to me," Edna persisted, "that the invoices will show that." She
-gestured at what remained of the stacks of printed forms.
-
-The rest of the slips were strewn over the ground as far as he could
-see. "Only the _first_ sheet will show the origin--_if_ we could ever
-find it," Titus explained.
-
-He went out to the air car, warmed it up and sent it churning skyward.
-Near the attenuated top of the atmosphere, he was able to see exactly
-how much extraneous stuff had been dumped on his world. The main area
-of disposal seemed to have been within a two-mile radius of the house.
-
-An ever-widening helical course, wending its way alternately from night
-to day, eventually brought him on a great circle that sliced over both
-poles. Then, with his searchlights still burning, he spiraled inward,
-covering the other hemisphere. The rest of his world was in primal
-order.
-
-He started for home around the daylight side.
-
-But even above the noise of his own rotorjets, the stridence of
-descending freighters erupted in a pandemonium of sound all around him.
-Great clouds of rockets, clustered in fleets, were darkening the sky
-and raining down onto the surface.
-
-He barely managed to pull out from under one of the formations before
-it could pinch him against the ground. Swearing in oaths that he had
-not used in years, he headed for the nearest group of ships. Before he
-could close in, they had discharged their cargoes and thundered off
-into space again.
-
-He altered course for another detachment of freighters, only to meet
-with the same frustrating results. By the time he had aimed his craft
-at a third group, all the ships had blasted away, leaving everywhere
-great, gleaming mounds and stacks and irregular rows of crates and
-containers that completely obscured the surface.
-
-Enraged, Titus gunned the craft for home. He picked his way between
-several monstrous peaks of grain, some of them soaring nearly all the
-way up through the six-hundred-foot-thick atmosphere, and threw on his
-brakes to avoid collision with a tremendous pyramid of what looked like
-corn kernels.
-
-With stark apprehension, he envisioned his world shaking apart under
-the eccentric forces. But he quelled his fears with logic: This new
-addition of mass, apparently distributed evenly over all but the four
-square miles that had already served as a dumping ground, would be
-unbalanced only to a negligible degree.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus flicked on his landing lights as he headed into the night. But
-from over the horizon came a glare considerably stronger than the
-candlepower of his own electrical system. As he pulled up to the
-mooring pylon, the explanation was evident.
-
-Scores of Pullman crafts were packed so tightly around his house that
-the blunt noses of several were sticking out over the veranda.
-
-He cut off the idling jets. The militant strains of a Venurian march,
-blaring from the instruments of a hundred-piece symphony, swelled up
-mightily all around him. The orchestra itself was wedged between two
-residential crafts while the roof of McWorther's generating house
-served as the conductor's podium.
-
-On the veranda, a full troupe of Simalean Ballet dancers swirled and
-caracoled, not seeming to mind that they were occasionally overflowing
-the tiles and flouncing not so lightly through Edna's caladiums.
-
-His wife stood helplessly by, still gripping the autobroom which
-she had evidently wielded without success in an attempt to rout the
-intruders.
-
-Dismayed, Titus elbowed his way through a dedicated choral group that
-was patriotically rendering the "Fayothian Anthem," sidestepped a
-tumbling foursome obviously from one of the Lesser Javapa planets and
-pushed aside a debating team which was having little luck making itself
-heard above the general cacophony.
-
-Edna swept out to meet him. "Titus, they just won't leave!"
-
-"Who are they? What do they want?"
-
-"I don't know." She was having a difficult time restraining herself.
-"They asked for the ministry of something or other. Then they said they
-were cooped up so long that they had to get some practice."
-
-Titus bellowed for attention. But nobody turned an ear, except a
-pirouetting ballerina who whirled to a stop nearby, glissaded over in
-front of him and made a theatrical display of bending over and planting
-a set of lip-prints on his forehead--a gesture that fed considerable
-fuel to Edna's vexation.
-
-"You're cute," the dancer tittered. "You got the word on this place,
-Pudgy? What is it--a stopover station?"
-
-Before he could answer, one of the tumblers shouted, "It's snowing!"
-
-The choral group broke reverently into the ancient carol "Noel" while
-the orchestra paused on an upbeat and swung into a jazzed-up "Jingle
-Bells."
-
-Perplexed, Titus stared at the dancing snowflakes. But that was
-impossible! It _never_ snowed here on McWorther's World!
-
-Then he remembered the grain peak he had skirted on the way home. It
-had extended high above the infrared and ultraviolet shields--into the
-naked, hot zone where restless winds had wafted the kernels eastward.
-
-He picked up one of the "flakes."
-
-_Popcorn!_
-
-
- III
-
-Many light years away, the Emperor of the Eastern Cluster whirled
-around, kicked his bejeweled train out of the way and faced his chief
-adviser. "So they've opened up a new aid offensive?"
-
-"And a most vital one." The adviser blew on his spectacles and
-burnished the lenses against his sleeve. "A place called McWorther. Our
-intelligence got its coordinates from their consignment documents."
-
-"Never heard of it."
-
-"That's what's so insidious about this whole capitalist plot. They've
-kept it under their hats."
-
-"And why is it so vital?"
-
-The adviser directed the Emperor's attention to a space globe suspended
-from the ceiling. He pressed two buttons on the wall and twin beams of
-light intersected within the sphere. "That's McWorther's location."
-
-"Why--why--" the Emperor stammered. "That outflanks us completely!"
-
-"What concerns me is how many other undisclosed but settled worlds lie
-in that same general area."
-
-"A whole raft of them, no doubt," the Emperor said pessimistically.
-
-"What are we going to do?"
-
-"In this critical sector we've got to make friends--and fast! We'll
-begin with the McWorther place."
-
-"How far do you want to go?"
-
-"All the way. Empty the surplus bins. Clear out the warehouses. Let
-McWorther have every available pound of material and equipment."
-
-"Terms?"
-
-"Terms be damned! We let the Western Cluster steal a march on us.
-We've got to recoup. Everything goes as an outright gift--with all the
-cultural trimmings thrown in."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus splashed into the cellar and struck out for the hypertransmitter.
-
-It was a peculiar flood. Suffusing the water was a thick scum that
-flashed iridescently as it caught the glint of light from the ceiling.
-He stuck his finger into the dross and applied it to the tip of his
-tongue.
-
-Syrup!
-
-He thought of the thousands of barrels that had been dumped into the
-lake and surmised that the contaminated water was backing up through
-the drainage system.
-
-He altered course for the pumps.
-
-And, like ships in convoy, a score of virtuosos invaded the cellar,
-paddling in his wake.
-
-The soprano's piercing voice assailed his ears. "In all my theatrical
-experience, I have never been subjected to such indignity! I insist--"
-
-But a violinist pushed forward, wielding his bow like a stiff finger.
-"You, sir, are holding back on us. No doubt you know what our future
-instructions are."
-
-"I've never seen such fascist highhandedness," complained a diminutive
-choreographer in the uniform of a Palosov Rocket Dancer. "In the name
-of the ministry of culture of the Eastern Federation, I demand to see a
-representative of His Imperial Highness!"
-
-Ignoring them, Titus trudged on to the pumps and set them for maximum
-drain-off.
-
-The Simalean ballerina did a series of rapid turns and watched the
-spray and the pattern of ripples that issued from her darting feet.
-
-"Exquisite!" she exuberated. "I shall have to speak with the _maître de
-ballet_ about a nymphal sequence!"
-
-"Come on, Pop." One of the tumblers confronted Titus. "What's the
-gimmick? Why are they keeping us loafing around here?"
-
-"Why?" roared a dramatist, allowing his voice full rein in the acoustic
-inadequacy of the cellar. "I'll tell you: It's a capitalist scheme to
-abduct the top talent of the glorious workers' federation!"
-
-Hands clamped over his ears, Titus finally made it to the
-hypertransmitter. He jiggled its dials, beat on the cabinet, lifted a
-foot from the water and gave it a couple of kicks broadside.
-
-No results. It was obviously shorted out from the flood. And none of
-the Pullman crafts was equipped with long-range communications gear.
-
-Titus waded from the cellar, plodded through the house, leaving pools
-of syrupy water in his wake, and stalked onto the veranda.
-
-The scene was no less hectic than it had been. There were two
-orchestras now. And they were waging a war of decibels to determine
-whether the "East Cluster Blastoff March" or the "West Cluster Anthem"
-should prevail over McWorther's World.
-
-Two debating teams were holding forth on the comparative benefits of
-proletarian solidarity and the free enterprise system. Beyond the
-caladium bed, Edna, who seemed to have finally succumbed to frustrated
-abandon, had struck a face-to-the-sun and wind-in-her-hair posture for
-a portraitist who was drowning futility in artistic endeavor.
-
-But there was neither wind nor sun to accommodate the pose, Titus
-lamented. For, after yesterday's deliveries by the bright red cargo
-ships, which had obviously been from the Eastern Cluster, there was
-little left of McWorther's World that could be recognized.
-
-The immediate area around the house had been spared in the deluge of
-material. But, beyond, great sloping expanses of grain and crates,
-barrels, boxes, machinery, bulging sacks and drums stretched up and
-away like the inner walls of a crater.
-
-Fortunately, disposal onto the surface of McWorther's World had
-stopped. But not delivery to the system. Coruscating pinpoints
-of flame, far out in space, signified the presence of thousands
-upon thousands of cargo carriers that were dropping off their
-freight in solar orbit. The items of merchandise themselves were
-indistinguishable. But their composite existence was beginning to take
-on the appearance of a great ring of fragmented particles stretching
-around the sun.
-
-And Titus supposed that it was only the reliability of the mass-fending
-generators attached to each article that tentatively kept them all
-separate and prevented them from plunging like a devastating hailstorm
-onto the surface of his world.
-
-He slumped to the ground and bracketed his cheeks between his palms.
-For some unaccountable reason, it seemed that the productivity of the
-entire universe was being showered down on his private planetoid in one
-vast gravy-train effect.
-
-Only he was drowning in the gravy.
-
- * * * * *
-
-"And that's my story." Undersecretary of Cosmic Aid Hoverly laid his
-hands on the conference table. "And we now have McWorther's World on a
-total aid schedule."
-
-President Roswell, an angular man with a troubled face, drummed his
-fingertips together. "Gentlemen, this is most serious."
-
-On his right, Ambassador Summerson's head bobbed in accord. The gesture
-spread next to the chief of intelligence, then to Hoyerly, thus making
-the circuit back to Roswell.
-
-"To sum up, then," said the President, "you, Hoverly, authorized aid
-for a McWorther's World in the 47-126 area."
-
-The undersecretary glanced away uneasily.
-
-"But you, Summerson," Roswell continued, "have no record of having
-signed aid agreements with such a place."
-
-"That's right," the ambassador verified. "But deciding to accommodate
-McWorther's World was the most fantastic stroke of good luck
-imaginable."
-
-Hoverly squinted. "I don't follow you."
-
-"When you sent aid to the Potentate, not only did you pick what will
-undoubtedly develop into the most critical political area of the
-millennium, but you also beat the Easties to the draw in a sector that
-they had staked out all for themselves."
-
-"A stroke of sheer luck," President Roswell concurred.
-
-The roving ambassador leaned back smiling. "The chance timing was
-perfect too. We beat them by less than two weeks."
-
-But the intelligence chief's face was rigid with dejection. "We got
-there 'firstest,' to use an ancient expression, but not with the
-'mostest.' Our agents in Imperial City report that the amount of aid
-authorized for McWorther's World is unbelievable. The entire Eastern
-Cluster is going on a full austerity basis to support the program."
-
-"That shows what value they place on McWorther's World and the sector
-it opens up," Roswell offered. "When they found out we'd moved in ahead
-of them, their reaction was frantic."
-
-Summerson rose. "This, then, gentlemen, is it."
-
-"It certainly is." Roswell's voice was heavy with despondency. "The
-most God-awful aid war the cluster has ever seen."
-
-"We can't back out," the ambassador warned. "We've got to get busy and
-face up to the task."
-
-"With every resource at our disposal. To ignore the challenge would be
-to surrender this entire section of the galaxy to the Easties."
-
-The President was silent a moment. "Gentlemen, I am herewith sounding a
-call to economic arms. Cancel all other aid commitments and activity.
-Throw everything we have got, everything we can ever hope to produce,
-at McWorther's World."
-
-"I think you'd better call on the Potentate personally," Summerson
-proposed.
-
-"That," said Roswell, "is exactly what I intend to do."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Adjusting the drape of his robe, the Emperor sent his eyes flicking
-over the report. Finally he lurched from his chair with a resounding
-"Eureka!"
-
-"So you see how it is, Your Imperial Highness," his chief adviser
-offered. "By cutting in on their McWorther World operation, we have
-indeed touched a sensitive Western spot."
-
-"There's no question about that," the Emperor said lustily. He was a
-portly man whose sartorial excesses made him seem even more imposing.
-His eyes, recessed under thickset brows, flared with triumph as he
-said, "McWorther's World must figure prominently in their planning.
-From the way they cut loose with everything they had when they found
-out we were stepping in too, damned if I'm not convinced this new
-system will be the pivotal point of their entire future strategy."
-
-"Then we'd better order double production quotas on every world that
-flies the Eastern flag."
-
-"_Triple_ quotas. And have my space yacht refitted by tomorrow."
-
-"You're going somewhere, Highness?" asked the adviser.
-
-"This Potentate McWorther is likely to be the third most important
-political figure in the galaxy. I'm not going to lose any time getting
-over there and pumping his hand."
-
- * * * * *
-
-His face flushed with rage, Ogarm Netath tossed the space-o-gram at his
-foreign minister, then snatched it back out of Bataul's hands before he
-had a chance to read it.
-
-"It's a bill!" Netath's voice quivered. "They sent us a bill for that
-damned bather monstrosity!"
-
-Bataul's brow, to all appearances, was ready for spring planting. "Let
-me have another look at it."
-
-Netath stood there trembling while the foreign minister sent his eyes
-darting over the paper.
-
-"It's from Rear-Sobucks!" Bataul exclaimed. "A retail concern that
-obviously handles automatic bathers!"
-
-"But it was our aid shipment, wasn't it?"
-
-"Apparently not. It says here, '... for merchandise previously extended
-_in behalf of_ the Western Cluster....'"
-
-"I don't understand."
-
-Bataul's features struggled through a gamut of expressions. "I think
-I'm just beginning to. Do you remember last year when we had that
-communications survey made? Between here and the nearest Western relay
-station, there was that single system. I think some crackpot had laid
-claim--of course. McWorther's his name. Calls himself a potentate."
-
-Netath stiffened. "And you think--?"
-
-"I think both we and McWorther are victims of message interfusion,"
-Bataul said flatly.
-
-"And our aid shipments--?"
-
-"I'd bet McWorther must be wringing his hands over more loot than he'll
-ever be able to count."
-
-Netath started punching buttons on his desk. "We've got work to do."
-
-"What kind?"
-
-"First you're going to get off a message to this Rear-Sobucks bunch
-and tell them what they can do with their bill _and_ their automatic
-bather--if it'll fit. You can also explain what's happened."
-
-"This time we'll send the message around the _right_ leg of the
-cluster," Bataul assured.
-
-"Then we're hopping over to this McWorther system and laying down the
-law to that character. _That_ I want to do personally."
-
- * * * * *
-
-"This," said Twenty-Seventh Vice-President Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks,
-"explains it all."
-
-"Communications interfusion?" the twenty-sixth vice-president asked.
-
-"Absolutely, V.R. Just like Premier Netath says."
-
-"Then there's a Rear-Sobucks customer who has been unnecessarily
-inconvenienced and still hasn't been satisfied?"
-
-With a curt nod, Wheeler confirmed the other's fear.
-
-V.R. rose from his desk and wagged a finger at the other. "I still
-don't understand it all, Wheeler. But I can't avoid the impression that
-you're somehow responsible for the mess."
-
-Wheeler cowered.
-
-"_You're_ going to take a trip--now!" V.R. went on, gathering steam.
-"_You're_ going to deliver a bather personally to this Potentate
-McWorther. _You're_ going to extend the apologies of the entire
-Rear-Sobucks organization!"
-
-
- IV
-
-Titus poured his tenth consecutive julep--directly from the bottle,
-without the benefit of ice, sugar or mint--and leaned back in his
-chair. His occupancy of a corner of the veranda had been a hard-won
-concession.
-
-Almost indifferent now, he stared at the hundreds of virtuosos and
-shouted, "Go home!"
-
-But there was little zing in his voice and the words were, of course,
-lost in the confused sea of sound--musical, argumentative, operatic and
-otherwise. Heedless, the orchestras played, the ballet dancers whirled,
-painters sketched, gymnasts tumbled, dramatists soliloquized and the
-vocalists made it plain that they would give no quarter.
-
-McWorther's World shud-shuddered. And the towering peaks of machinery
-and grain, cases and crates rumbled ominously as their slopes shifted.
-Titus' ears popped and he suddenly felt a giddiness that was all out of
-proportion to the number of juleps he had consumed.
-
-An all-too-brief silence fell over the multitude. Then, as stability
-returned to the planetoid, they dived back into their various
-activities.
-
-They were damned fools, McWorther thought. Even if it meant risking
-their lives, they would be willing to stay there and consort in their
-Olympian ecstasy of artistic communion. It was a field day, old home
-week, esoteric _anschluss_, a fraternal blowout--all rolled into one.
-
-A distant explosion rent what was left of the compact atmosphere. And,
-as an immediate consequence, additional hundreds of tons of grain
-_hissed_ down a nearby slope and eased into the lake.
-
-Somewhat concerned, Titus stared at the myriad points of light
-coruscating deep out in space. What was happening was obvious: There
-were millions, perhaps billions of articles of freight in the same
-orbit--all maintaining their distances from the planetoid and from
-one another by virtue of their mass-repulsion generators. And, where
-that many electronic units were concerned, the breakdown factor became
-a predictable quantity. McWorther's World could now expect to be the
-target of a plunging chunk of cargo once every four or five minutes.
-
-Another few hours, Titus realized, and that interval would be reduced
-to four or five seconds. For he could readily see the infinite streams
-of freighters that were still arriving and dropping off additional
-cargo.
-
-As a matter of fact, it was so thick out there now that only a faint,
-diffused light was coming through from McWorther's Sun.
-
-Titus poured himself another mintless, sugarless, iceless julep.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The insigne of the Western Cluster emblazoned on its side, a giant ship
-felt its way down through the atmosphere, sidled this way and that as
-it squeezed through the barrier of anchored Pullman crafts, pulled up
-and hovered over the southern edge of the veranda.
-
-At that particular moment, Titus had been quite fascinated with the
-tumblers' practice session. One of the gymnasts, preparing for a
-back-flip, had taken a boost from the cupped hands of another. Only
-the resulting arc through the air was executed with slow-motion rhythm
-that took the performer to a height of perhaps twenty feet before he
-floated back to the ground.
-
-At the same time, Titus' ears popped again and he had the odd sensation
-that the deck chair was shrinking away beneath him.
-
-The newly arrived ship lowered an escalator to the surface and the
-pilot glided down, landing only a few feet from McWorther.
-
-"There seems to be some mistake," he said. "I was given
-these coordinates and orbital factor for a--" he checked his
-notebook--"McWorther's World."
-
-"This," said Titus stiffly, "_is_ McWorther's World."
-
-Cupping his hands, the pilot called back into the ship. "We're on the
-right place."
-
-An alarmed face poked out of the hatch.
-
-"_This_ is it?"
-
-Titus lurched to his feet, returning an equally startled expression.
-The man coming clown the escalator was President Vance Roswell of the
-Western Federation! He had seen the face on thousands of newscasts.
-
-Roswell, sickened, stared at the mountains of supplies on the obscured
-surface of the planetoid. He tilted his head back and took in the
-glimmering sea of cargo out in space, the flaring trails of exhaust
-jets that criss-crossed in an infinite pattern as endless streams of
-ships jockeyed into position to discharge more freight. Then he dropped
-to the veranda railing and buried his face hopelessly in his hands.
-
-By then, one of the orchestra conductors, who had also recognized the
-President, had abruptly brought his baton down to terminate the "Lyraen
-Overture." He led his ensemble into a stirring rendition of the "West
-Cluster Anthem."
-
-Without interrupting his misery, Roswell elevated a limp hand and
-signaled for quiet.
-
-But even before the musicians tapered to silence on a jagged, perplexed
-note, the other orchestra blared forth with the "East Cluster Blastoff
-March," all its members standing and facing the northern edge of the
-veranda.
-
-Titus watched the impressive vessel float to the surface, its almost
-invisible repulsor beams jostling the lesser Pullman ships out of its
-way. Splashed across its side was the fist-clutching-galaxy symbol of
-the Eastern Federation.
-
-He was still gawking when the hatch opened, ushering onto the tiled
-surface none other than the Emperor himself--an immense, brilliantly
-robed man who swept like a bowling ball through his retinue of aides.
-
- * * * * *
-
-There were two distant explosions, one close on the heels of the other,
-and the planetoid convulsed. That time, Titus imagined, he had seen one
-of the masses of cargo plunging to the surface.
-
-The Emperor drew up before Titus. But although his lips moved, no
-audible sound came from his mouth, since he was in the immediate range
-of the Eastern Symphony Orchestra's bass section.
-
-Scowling, he whirled, threw up this arms and bellowed for silence.
-Quiet came as though someone had pulled a plug.
-
-"Now," he said, propping his fists on his hips and flaring his robe
-out even further, "perhaps someone will enlighten me. I'm looking for
-McWorther's World. It's supposed to be here."
-
-Titus poured a triple, undiluted julep and gulped down half of it. He
-said, "You're standing on it."
-
-"_This!_ That's impossible! What's the population?"
-
-"Two--not counting the transients." Titus started to offer the Emperor
-the rest of his julep, thought better of it and drank it himself.
-
-Roswell withdrew from his dejection, looked up and nodded, verifying
-the Emperor's stark suspicion. It was apparent that the President was
-only then aware of the Emperor's identity. And the latter was obviously
-no less surprised on recognizing his counterpart from the Western
-Cluster.
-
-They only stared uncertainly at each other while the hundreds of
-virtuosos, sensing the propriety of demonstrating their loyalty, split
-into two groups and took sides behind their respective leaders.
-
-Roswell laughed finally. It was a high-pitched, unnatural sound that
-conveyed no glee at all and grew only more ragged as his shifting stare
-once again took in the completely ruined merchandise on the surface,
-the practically irretrievable cargoes adrift in space. His pitiable
-outburst suggested an infinity of futility over the wanton waste. It
-spoke wordlessly of sterility for hundreds of productive worlds over
-the years ahead--economic sterility, and its inevitable consequence of
-military impotence.
-
-The Emperor watched him for a moment, then dropped to the veranda
-rail beside him. He didn't join in the almost hysterical laughter.
-But his glum features reflected sympathetic appreciation of Roswell's
-predicament. And in his heavy silence was the admission that the
-circumstances were mutual.
-
-McWorther's World trembled again. Titus inclined his head to one side,
-jiggling a finger in his ear to stop it from popping. He could have
-sworn, too, that he had seen the Emperor and the President levitate a
-good several inches off the rail.
-
-Edna stalked from the house, surveyed the new arrivals without giving
-any indication she had recognized them and wagged a finger in her
-husband's face.
-
-"Titus, this has gone far enough!" she exclaimed. "If you don't--"
-
-"Later, Love," he pacified. "Something's going wrong."
-
-She was taken aback by his understatement. But he hadn't meant it that
-way. He had merely expressed suspicion over his recurrent sensations of
-lightness.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Almost at the same time, two other ships dropped down at the edge of
-the veranda. The hatch of the first sprang open and disgorged a thin
-man in a swallow-tail coat who drew rigidly erect and announced:
-
-"His Most August Excellency, Prime Minister Netath of Gauyuth-Six!"
-
-Ogarm Netath, indignation branding his features, strode out. "Where's
-this Potentate McWorther character?" he demanded.
-
-A hundred extended fingers singled out Titus, who was just then pouring
-a thirteenth julep.
-
-Netath stomped over. "You, sir, have got _my_ aid consignments!"
-
-By that time, the other ship had thrown open its hatch and a short,
-stout man in a business suit emerged.
-
-"I am Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks and Company," he disclosed, standing to
-one side so that two men working with antigrav grapples could wrestle
-a large crate onto the veranda. "I have an apology and an automatic
-bather for Potentate McWorther."
-
-But Titus turned his back on the man, abruptly facing his wife. "Good
-God! What day is it?"
-
-She frowned in puzzlement. "Why, Wednesday."
-
-There was a sharp explosion nearby as another article of cargo came
-hurtling down from space.
-
-"And it's almost noon!"
-
-She nodded, still perplexed.
-
-"Get into the spaceabout, Love--_quick_!"
-
-She hesitated and he gave her a shove.
-
-But he paused and faced the others. "You got just about fifteen minutes
-to climb into your contraptions and clear out--all of you! Because by
-then we'll be fresh out of gravity!"
-
-And they'd be lucky if they had _that much_ time, he realized as he
-followed Edna into the small craft. He had known he would have to face
-the inevitable crisis on Wednesday. But all along he had been off one
-day in his calculations, such that he had been sure today was only
-Tuesday.
-
-"What is it, Titus?" his wife asked as he strapped himself in beside
-her.
-
-"The supplementary gravity generator hasn't been refueled! It's
-sputtering out!"
-
-From space, he watched the end of McWorther's World.
-
-The atmosphere went first, _swooshing_ outward as a result of abrupt
-decompression and leaving a halo of frozen water crystals in its wake.
-Then the cargo that was piled on the surface recoiled from its own
-cumulative pressure and shot out into space. The topsoil followed suit,
-dispersing like a dust storm, while the lakes boiled in one instant and
-their vapor froze in the next.
-
-Before any of the hurtling mess could reach his spaceabout, Titus
-followed the Pullman crafts, the Rear-Sobucks delivery vehicle and the
-Presidential and Imperial yachts into hyperspace.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Titus and Edna McWorther have given up rustic retirement. Instead they
-are living out their declining years in a floating villa just off the
-Jersey coast.
-
-Life is still gratifying, with the exception of one detail.
-
-But Titus is resolved that he and his wife will have to be content with
-the shower-masseur for the rest of their lives.
-
-At any rate, he'll be damned if he'll put in another order for an
-automatic bather, with or without a back-scrubbing attachment.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Gravy Train, by Daniel F. Galouye
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-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Gravy Train, by Daniel F. Galouye
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
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-have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using
-this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: Gravy Train
-
-Author: Daniel F. Galouye
-
-Release Date: November 29, 2019 [EBook #60809]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GRAVY TRAIN ***
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-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
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-
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="340" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>GRAVY TRAIN</h1>
-
-<h2>By DANIEL F. GALOUYE</h2>
-
-<p class="ph1"><i>Ever hear of evil fairies who<br />
-grant three wishes? McWorther's<br />
-was more efficient. One wish<br />
-was plenty to bring catastrophe!</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1960.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">I</p>
-
-<p>At one hundred and thirty, life was indeed gratifying for Titus
-McWorther. But for one missing detail, it would have been perfect.</p>
-
-<p>With his wife, Edna, he had planned well for retirement. His
-idyllic estate consisted of a second-hand planetoid, thirty miles in
-circumference, which was the only habitable piece of matter in its
-system. Complete with supplementary gravity generator, a compact
-atmosphere, a mantle of lush topsoil and a carefully selected biota,
-McWorther's World was both his delight and his pride.</p>
-
-<p>Its principal asset was, of course, its isolation.</p>
-
-<p>Well away from the mainstream of galactic civilization, McWorther's
-Star was smugly hidden behind a dark nebula, through which he and Edna
-plunged twice a year to the fringe of the cluster&mdash;just to observe and
-mock convention, if for nothing else.</p>
-
-<p>It was an ideal setup.</p>
-
-<p>But, after two sedentary years, Titus realized he still needed one item
-to make his retirement complete. So he dispatched this tight-beamed
-message to the packet order department of Rear-Sobucks and Company in
-the West Cluster Federation's Hub City:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>Please send one automatic bather with back-scrubbing attachment and
-toy boat docks, as listed in your videolog under order No. 4678-25C.
-Charge same to credit account No. W414754-B24D.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Sincerely yours,<br />
-Titus McWorther, Potentate<br />
-McWorther's World</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>He listed the coordinates of the star and the orbital factor of his
-planetoid.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Unfortunately, the hyper-spatial line between McWorther's World and
-the nearest relay center was partly coincident with the link to the
-politically noncommitted world of Gauyuth-VI.</p>
-
-<p>This condition, together with the fact that components of a
-communication are sent by separate pulse, sometimes leads to the
-embarrassing phenomenon known as "message interfusion," which is
-retransmission of the right text with the wrong signature.</p>
-
-<p>And it so happened that as Titus McWorther's order was en route, the
-system was also being burdened with this intelligence to the Ganymede
-Extension of the Western Cluster's State Department:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>This will verify our agreement and authorize implementation of
-interstellar aid arrangements as set forth in conferences with your
-ambassador. If such arrangements produce mutual satisfaction, we will
-quite readily declare concurrence, in principle at least, with the
-political aims of the Western Cluster.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Respectfully yours,<br />
-Ogarm Netath,<br />
-Prime Minister<br />
-Gauyuth-VI</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Appended to the signature were the coordinates of Gauyuth and the
-orbital factor of its Number Six planet.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Wharton Hoverly, undersecretary of cosmic aid for the Western Cluster,
-plucked at his thick, gray mustache as he reread the space-o-gram.</p>
-
-<p>He punched the videobox stud. "Mallston!"</p>
-
-<p>The younger and more composed face of his assistant stared from the
-screen. "Yes, sir?"</p>
-
-<p>"Anything yet?"</p>
-
-<p>"Not a thing. We have no record of a&mdash;McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"What do you suppose?"</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it seems authentic enough. We do know Ambassador Summerson has
-been working in that general area."</p>
-
-<p>"And you think Summerson signed an aid agreement with this potentate?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'd say the message speaks for itself."</p>
-
-<p>Again, Hoverly worried his mustache. "Did you check with Summerson?"</p>
-
-<p>"He's on extended leave."</p>
-
-<p>"What do you think we ought to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"McWorther's World must be a critical area. And evidently we're going
-to get what we want out of the deal, since the Potentate speaks of
-concurrence with Western Cluster aims."</p>
-
-<p>Impatiently, the undersecretary glanced out the window. Ganymede was
-well out of the Jovian umbra now. If he didn't leave soon, he'd be late
-for his conference with the commerce department on Farside Luna.</p>
-
-<p>"All right, Mallston," he said. "Put McWorther's World on a Class A aid
-schedule. That ought to hold the Potentate until Summerson gets back."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In the commercial section of Hub City, Rear-Sobucks and Company
-occupied a monstrous building whose emblematic tip pierced the clouds.</p>
-
-<p>On the two hundredth floor, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-strode through the rail gate, tossed the secretary a
-"don't-bother-to-announce-me" glance and went on into the inner office
-of the twenty-sixth vice-president.</p>
-
-<p>"Got something I thought you'd be interested in, V.R.," he told the
-limp-faced man behind the desk. "There may be a promotion angle."</p>
-
-<p>"What is it?" V.R. asked, not exactly gripping his chair with
-anticipation.</p>
-
-<p>The other placed the space-o-gram on the desk. "It's from an Ogarm
-Netath, <i>prime minister</i> of a place called Gauyuth-Six. He wants an
-automatic bather."</p>
-
-<p>V.R. extended a "so what?" glare.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't you see? Big shots like that don't place personal orders. But
-here's one who thinks so much of a Rear-Sobucks item that he forgets
-all about convention."</p>
-
-<p>"And so, Wheeler, you want to capitalize on his good name in some sort
-of promotion gimmick," V.R. said through taut lips.</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler shrank. "But I thought&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Never mind what you thought. Fill his order. Send it compliments
-of&mdash;let's see, Gauyuth-Six is uncommitted&mdash;compliments of the Western
-Cluster."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It was a fine morning on McWorther's World. Cotton-candy clouds floated
-over the fields. Dreaming herons, balanced on slender legs, gave
-the shallows of the lake a tufted appearance. A delightful breeze,
-artificially generated at the equator, wafted flowering stalks and
-rocked the air car and spaceabout at their moorings.</p>
-
-<p>Titus snorted on the veranda and reached for his julep. He was a chunky
-little man, with the ruddiness of good health tinting his face and
-overflowing onto his partly bald pate.</p>
-
-<p>"Where are you, Titus?" an anxious voice disturbed the quiet of the
-house.</p>
-
-<p>"Out here, Love."</p>
-
-<p>Edna appeared in the doorway. Despite her age, there was still the
-fascination in her timeless eyes that had snared Titus more than ninety
-years ago.</p>
-
-<p>"The chef burned the beans again," she said, frowning.</p>
-
-<p>"Guess I'll have to fix it."</p>
-
-<p>"You know it's not the cooker. It's that darned gravity."</p>
-
-<p>He realized now it was a weight fluctuation that had nudged him from
-his nap.</p>
-
-<p>"I've got it <i>set</i> that way, Love," he explained. "We did not get
-clouds in the contract. But by varying the gravity control we can have
-them for nothing. It all has to do with atmospheric pressure."</p>
-
-<p>Edna cast a resigned glance skyward. "If that's the way you want
-it&mdash;fleecy clouds and burnt beans&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>The guttural scream of braking jets rattled the windows and sent the
-herons winging for the safety of the other hemisphere. Hesitating on
-the fringe of the atmosphere, the freighter altered its approach and
-landed beside the house.</p>
-
-<p>Titus went out to meet the skipper and his three assistants whose arms
-were filled with printed forms.</p>
-
-<p>"You Potentate McWorther?" the skipper asked.</p>
-
-<p>Titus smiled in embarrassment. "It's a gag. I just call myself that."</p>
-
-<p>"We got your order," the other snapped. "Where do you want it?"</p>
-
-<p>Titus' small eyes widened with an inner vision of the automatic
-bather&mdash;a vision which went on in speculation to dispose of the crude
-shower-masseur, for which he and Edna were getting a bit too old.</p>
-
-<p>"If you'll put it on the veranda&mdash;" He paused and shouted back toward
-the house. "Edna, get out the grapplers. We're in business."</p>
-
-<p>"Fun-ny," the skipper observed with dry derision. Then he signaled to
-his waiting assistants.</p>
-
-<p>They came forward and, one by one, thrust their stacks of printed
-forms against Titus' chest. His arms came up in a reflex to accept the
-offerings. But, as the third assistant's contribution sent the stack
-soaring in front of his face, he went down under the weight.</p>
-
-<p>When he had extricated himself from the mound of paper, the men had
-returned to their ship. And now its sides were folding down and scores
-of huge crates were drifting out on repulsor beams and fluttering to
-the ground.</p>
-
-<p>Soon the freighter was gone and Edna was at his side.</p>
-
-<p>"What <i>have</i> you gotten us into now, Titus?"</p>
-
-<p>"Honest, Love&mdash;I don't know."</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly his ears were splitting with the thunderous roar of a thousand
-ships plunging down to the surface as far as he could see around the
-perimeter of his small world. Each pulled to a halt a few feet from the
-ground, opened its sides and disgorged vast mounds of crates and sacks,
-boxes and barrels, naked hills of coarse material that hissed like
-gravel as it spewed from chutes, gleaming masses of machinery.</p>
-
-<p>Confounded, Titus seized one of the slips of paper. It was an invoice
-listing two hundred earth movers, seventy-five instant pavers, five
-hundred concrete mixers.</p>
-
-<p>Matching his frown, Edna read a second sheet and demanded, "What on
-earth do you expect to do with a hundred thousand barrels of wheat germ
-oil? Four thousand kegs of eight-penny nails? Forty-five hundred tons
-of soybeans?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>At his secluded villa, Prime Minister Netath was entertaining his
-foreign minister, Ugaza Bataul.</p>
-
-<p>Netath leaned against the terrace bar and proposed a toast. "To an era
-of plenty."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul smiled. "At the expense of the Western Cluster."</p>
-
-<p>They gulped the drinks and Netath stared down into his empty glass.
-"We're quite fortunate that the Western Cluster's aspirations are
-extending to this sector."</p>
-
-<p>"As long as we can be sure that there won't be any <i>military</i>
-advances." Bataul added the qualification with misgiving.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, there's no danger of that. Actually, we're lucky we didn't try to
-get on the Eastern Cluster's gravy train. We'd have had to make a lot
-of concessions."</p>
-
-<p>Heralding its own approach with a sputtering rumble, the station
-'copter came in low over the trees and dropped down on the lawn. Netath
-walked over as his chauffeur climbed out of the cab and used antigrav
-grapples to float a large crate out of the freight compartment.</p>
-
-<p>"Just picked it up at the space terminal," the man explained. "Must be
-that aid shipment."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul laughed. "You mean the first batch of credit certificates,
-maybe."</p>
-
-<p>The chauffeur pressed the "unpack" stud. The sides of the crate fell
-outward.</p>
-
-<p>"What <i>is</i> it?" Netath drew back, surveying the ivory, tanklike thing
-with its sparkling fixtures and flexible appendages.</p>
-
-<p>Bataul bent and read the words on the inscription plate: "Deluxe
-Automatic Bather&mdash;4678-25C."</p>
-
-<p>By then, Netath had found the torn, soiled delivery tag. He read the
-part of the writing that was still legible:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>"... <i>sincerely hope this expression of Western amity meets with your
-satisfaction. If we can serve you again, please don't hesitate.</i>..."</p></div>
-
-<p>Infuriated, he imparted a vindictive kick to the crate and crumpled the
-paper.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>That's</i> the cosmic aid we were expecting?" Bataul sputtered.</p>
-
-<p>"Capitalist Western dogs!" Netath exclaimed. "They were just trifling
-with our planetary honor!"</p>
-
-<p>"It's an insult against our racial character!" the foreign minister
-said severely. "They <i>know</i> we have no use for a bather, shedding our
-skin as we do once a day."</p>
-
-<p>Netath forced restraint into his features. "We will not lose our
-diplomatic poise. There is always the chance a mistake has been made."</p>
-
-<p>He drew the contacter out of his pocket and shouted into its grid,
-"Miss Yalera?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, sir?" came the instant answer.</p>
-
-<p>"Take a space-o-gram to Solaria."</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">II</p>
-
-<p>When the initial error was made at the hyper-spatial relay station,
-a pattern had been set. Committed categorically to the memory banks
-were the false associations between the State Department's Ganymede
-Extension and Potentate McWorther, between Premier Netath and
-Rear-Sobucks.</p>
-
-<p>Thus, it was somewhat to be expected that Undersecretary Hoverly should
-find himself chewing on the under-bristles of his mustache as he read
-the latest space-o-gram.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>Needless to say, we are somewhat disappointed over the Western
-Cluster's meager response to our desperate need.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps Ambassador Summerson misrepresented our agreement. In that
-event, we feel sure that consultation with his Excellency will set the
-record straight.</p>
-
-<p>We would appreciate prompt attention to this detail. Otherwise, in the
-interest of our people, we shall feel compelled to seek satisfaction
-elsewhere.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Respectfully yours,<br />
-Titus McWorther,<br />
-Potentate</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Hoverly tossed the message on his desk, punched the audio-com button
-and called for his assistant. When Mallston arrived, the undersecretary
-was still pacing.</p>
-
-<p>"Did you take care of the McWorther World aid consignment?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>Mallston nodded. "Delivery should have been made day before yesterday.
-Full Class A schedule."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it wasn't enough!" Hoverly extended a stiff finger toward the
-space-o-gram. "Read that."</p>
-
-<p>Looking up finally, Mallston said, "Evidently we dropped the ball."</p>
-
-<p>"Indeed we did. Ambassador Summerson must have promised the Potentate
-the whole works."</p>
-
-<p>Hoverly resumed pacing. "I should have guessed as much. President
-Roswell only last week hinted that the Western Cluster should level its
-galactic commerce sights on that entire sector."</p>
-
-<p>Mallston pondered the gravity of the space-o-gram. "Maybe we should lay
-the McWorther development before the President."</p>
-
-<p>Bristling, the undersecretary said, "And call attention to our own
-incompetence? We'll straighten this matter out by doing what we should
-have done in the first place&mdash;by putting the Potentate on the double-A
-priority list. Full and immediate delivery under Class B through K
-schedules."</p>
-
-<p>Mallston started out, but paused at the door. "How about cultural
-exchange?"</p>
-
-<p>"We'll play it safe by assuming Summerson shot the works in that
-category too. Round up every uncommitted cultural group in the cluster."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Shaking his head deprecatingly, the twenty-seventh vice-president
-stood before the desk of the next highest official in the Rear-Sobucks
-hierarchy.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, Wheeler," V.R. clipped without looking up. "What is it this
-time?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm afraid Netath didn't take too kindly to our gesture."</p>
-
-<p>"Netath? Netath?" V.R. milked the name for its significance.</p>
-
-<p>"Ogarm Netath. The prime minister of that Gauyuth place. The automatic
-bather."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, <i>that</i> one."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler handed over the space-o-gram and V.R. muttered through the
-message:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-
-<p>Dear Sir:</p>
-
-<p>I'm sure you made a mistake filling my order. You've got to come pick
-up your shipment right away. We're up to our ears and it's shaking us
-to pieces.</p>
-
-<p class="ph2">Yours in disappointment,<br />
-Ogarm Netath,<br />
-Prime Minister</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Growling, V.R. dropped an effervescent pill into a glass of water. "You
-can't get anywhere with these back-planet bumpkins. I doubt that this
-Netath ever <i>had</i> a bath. Send him a Supplementary Manual of Operating
-Instructions."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler started for the door.</p>
-
-<p>But V.R. called after him. "And bill the prime minister for that
-article. It'll teach him to show a little bit of appreciation."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus winced before the persistent tremors that came through the floor
-of his cellar. He made another adjustment on the gravity control
-deflecting the planetoid's center of pseudomass another few feet. The
-ground beneath him finally quieted.</p>
-
-<p>"Three days," he mumbled, dragging himself up the stairs.</p>
-
-<p>Edna received him with hands on hips. "Three days&mdash;what?"</p>
-
-<p>"Getting things balanced again."</p>
-
-<p>"What are you going to do about all that stuff cluttering up our
-beautiful planetoid?" She was near tears.</p>
-
-<p>With Edna dogging his steps, he returned to the veranda, where his
-julep was now quite thin and warm in the rays of the setting sun.</p>
-
-<p>"We'll have to find out where it came from first," he said, staring
-dismally over the mountains of machinery and grain, the tumbled stacks
-of crates and barrels and kegs, the lesser rows of wheeled and winged
-vehicles.</p>
-
-<p>"Seems to me," Edna persisted, "that the invoices will show that." She
-gestured at what remained of the stacks of printed forms.</p>
-
-<p>The rest of the slips were strewn over the ground as far as he could
-see. "Only the <i>first</i> sheet will show the origin&mdash;<i>if</i> we could ever
-find it," Titus explained.</p>
-
-<p>He went out to the air car, warmed it up and sent it churning skyward.
-Near the attenuated top of the atmosphere, he was able to see exactly
-how much extraneous stuff had been dumped on his world. The main area
-of disposal seemed to have been within a two-mile radius of the house.</p>
-
-<p>An ever-widening helical course, wending its way alternately from night
-to day, eventually brought him on a great circle that sliced over both
-poles. Then, with his searchlights still burning, he spiraled inward,
-covering the other hemisphere. The rest of his world was in primal
-order.</p>
-
-<p>He started for home around the daylight side.</p>
-
-<p>But even above the noise of his own rotorjets, the stridence of
-descending freighters erupted in a pandemonium of sound all around him.
-Great clouds of rockets, clustered in fleets, were darkening the sky
-and raining down onto the surface.</p>
-
-<p>He barely managed to pull out from under one of the formations before
-it could pinch him against the ground. Swearing in oaths that he had
-not used in years, he headed for the nearest group of ships. Before he
-could close in, they had discharged their cargoes and thundered off
-into space again.</p>
-
-<p>He altered course for another detachment of freighters, only to meet
-with the same frustrating results. By the time he had aimed his craft
-at a third group, all the ships had blasted away, leaving everywhere
-great, gleaming mounds and stacks and irregular rows of crates and
-containers that completely obscured the surface.</p>
-
-<p>Enraged, Titus gunned the craft for home. He picked his way between
-several monstrous peaks of grain, some of them soaring nearly all the
-way up through the six-hundred-foot-thick atmosphere, and threw on his
-brakes to avoid collision with a tremendous pyramid of what looked like
-corn kernels.</p>
-
-<p>With stark apprehension, he envisioned his world shaking apart under
-the eccentric forces. But he quelled his fears with logic: This new
-addition of mass, apparently distributed evenly over all but the four
-square miles that had already served as a dumping ground, would be
-unbalanced only to a negligible degree.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus flicked on his landing lights as he headed into the night. But
-from over the horizon came a glare considerably stronger than the
-candlepower of his own electrical system. As he pulled up to the
-mooring pylon, the explanation was evident.</p>
-
-<p>Scores of Pullman crafts were packed so tightly around his house that
-the blunt noses of several were sticking out over the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>He cut off the idling jets. The militant strains of a Venurian march,
-blaring from the instruments of a hundred-piece symphony, swelled up
-mightily all around him. The orchestra itself was wedged between two
-residential crafts while the roof of McWorther's generating house
-served as the conductor's podium.</p>
-
-<p>On the veranda, a full troupe of Simalean Ballet dancers swirled and
-caracoled, not seeming to mind that they were occasionally overflowing
-the tiles and flouncing not so lightly through Edna's caladiums.</p>
-
-<p>His wife stood helplessly by, still gripping the autobroom which
-she had evidently wielded without success in an attempt to rout the
-intruders.</p>
-
-<p>Dismayed, Titus elbowed his way through a dedicated choral group that
-was patriotically rendering the "Fayothian Anthem," sidestepped a
-tumbling foursome obviously from one of the Lesser Javapa planets and
-pushed aside a debating team which was having little luck making itself
-heard above the general cacophony.</p>
-
-<p>Edna swept out to meet him. "Titus, they just won't leave!"</p>
-
-<p>"Who are they? What do they want?"</p>
-
-<p>"I don't know." She was having a difficult time restraining herself.
-"They asked for the ministry of something or other. Then they said they
-were cooped up so long that they had to get some practice."</p>
-
-<p>Titus bellowed for attention. But nobody turned an ear, except a
-pirouetting ballerina who whirled to a stop nearby, glissaded over in
-front of him and made a theatrical display of bending over and planting
-a set of lip-prints on his forehead&mdash;a gesture that fed considerable
-fuel to Edna's vexation.</p>
-
-<p>"You're cute," the dancer tittered. "You got the word on this place,
-Pudgy? What is it&mdash;a stopover station?"</p>
-
-<p>Before he could answer, one of the tumblers shouted, "It's snowing!"</p>
-
-<p>The choral group broke reverently into the ancient carol "Noel" while
-the orchestra paused on an upbeat and swung into a jazzed-up "Jingle
-Bells."</p>
-
-<p>Perplexed, Titus stared at the dancing snowflakes. But that was
-impossible! It <i>never</i> snowed here on McWorther's World!</p>
-
-<p>Then he remembered the grain peak he had skirted on the way home. It
-had extended high above the infrared and ultraviolet shields&mdash;into the
-naked, hot zone where restless winds had wafted the kernels eastward.</p>
-
-<p>He picked up one of the "flakes."</p>
-
-<p><i>Popcorn!</i></p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">III</p>
-
-<p>Many light years away, the Emperor of the Eastern Cluster whirled
-around, kicked his bejeweled train out of the way and faced his chief
-adviser. "So they've opened up a new aid offensive?"</p>
-
-<p>"And a most vital one." The adviser blew on his spectacles and
-burnished the lenses against his sleeve. "A place called McWorther. Our
-intelligence got its coordinates from their consignment documents."</p>
-
-<p>"Never heard of it."</p>
-
-<p>"That's what's so insidious about this whole capitalist plot. They've
-kept it under their hats."</p>
-
-<p>"And why is it so vital?"</p>
-
-<p>The adviser directed the Emperor's attention to a space globe suspended
-from the ceiling. He pressed two buttons on the wall and twin beams of
-light intersected within the sphere. "That's McWorther's location."</p>
-
-<p>"Why&mdash;why&mdash;" the Emperor stammered. "That outflanks us completely!"</p>
-
-<p>"What concerns me is how many other undisclosed but settled worlds lie
-in that same general area."</p>
-
-<p>"A whole raft of them, no doubt," the Emperor said pessimistically.</p>
-
-<p>"What are we going to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"In this critical sector we've got to make friends&mdash;and fast! We'll
-begin with the McWorther place."</p>
-
-<p>"How far do you want to go?"</p>
-
-<p>"All the way. Empty the surplus bins. Clear out the warehouses. Let
-McWorther have every available pound of material and equipment."</p>
-
-<p>"Terms?"</p>
-
-<p>"Terms be damned! We let the Western Cluster steal a march on us.
-We've got to recoup. Everything goes as an outright gift&mdash;with all the
-cultural trimmings thrown in."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus splashed into the cellar and struck out for the hypertransmitter.</p>
-
-<p>It was a peculiar flood. Suffusing the water was a thick scum that
-flashed iridescently as it caught the glint of light from the ceiling.
-He stuck his finger into the dross and applied it to the tip of his
-tongue.</p>
-
-<p>Syrup!</p>
-
-<p>He thought of the thousands of barrels that had been dumped into the
-lake and surmised that the contaminated water was backing up through
-the drainage system.</p>
-
-<p>He altered course for the pumps.</p>
-
-<p>And, like ships in convoy, a score of virtuosos invaded the cellar,
-paddling in his wake.</p>
-
-<p>The soprano's piercing voice assailed his ears. "In all my theatrical
-experience, I have never been subjected to such indignity! I insist&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>But a violinist pushed forward, wielding his bow like a stiff finger.
-"You, sir, are holding back on us. No doubt you know what our future
-instructions are."</p>
-
-<p>"I've never seen such fascist highhandedness," complained a diminutive
-choreographer in the uniform of a Palosov Rocket Dancer. "In the name
-of the ministry of culture of the Eastern Federation, I demand to see a
-representative of His Imperial Highness!"</p>
-
-<p>Ignoring them, Titus trudged on to the pumps and set them for maximum
-drain-off.</p>
-
-<p>The Simalean ballerina did a series of rapid turns and watched the
-spray and the pattern of ripples that issued from her darting feet.</p>
-
-<p>"Exquisite!" she exuberated. "I shall have to speak with the <i>maître de
-ballet</i> about a nymphal sequence!"</p>
-
-<p>"Come on, Pop." One of the tumblers confronted Titus. "What's the
-gimmick? Why are they keeping us loafing around here?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why?" roared a dramatist, allowing his voice full rein in the acoustic
-inadequacy of the cellar. "I'll tell you: It's a capitalist scheme to
-abduct the top talent of the glorious workers' federation!"</p>
-
-<p>Hands clamped over his ears, Titus finally made it to the
-hypertransmitter. He jiggled its dials, beat on the cabinet, lifted a
-foot from the water and gave it a couple of kicks broadside.</p>
-
-<p>No results. It was obviously shorted out from the flood. And none of
-the Pullman crafts was equipped with long-range communications gear.</p>
-
-<p>Titus waded from the cellar, plodded through the house, leaving pools
-of syrupy water in his wake, and stalked onto the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>The scene was no less hectic than it had been. There were two
-orchestras now. And they were waging a war of decibels to determine
-whether the "East Cluster Blastoff March" or the "West Cluster Anthem"
-should prevail over McWorther's World.</p>
-
-<p>Two debating teams were holding forth on the comparative benefits of
-proletarian solidarity and the free enterprise system. Beyond the
-caladium bed, Edna, who seemed to have finally succumbed to frustrated
-abandon, had struck a face-to-the-sun and wind-in-her-hair posture for
-a portraitist who was drowning futility in artistic endeavor.</p>
-
-<p>But there was neither wind nor sun to accommodate the pose, Titus
-lamented. For, after yesterday's deliveries by the bright red cargo
-ships, which had obviously been from the Eastern Cluster, there was
-little left of McWorther's World that could be recognized.</p>
-
-<p>The immediate area around the house had been spared in the deluge of
-material. But, beyond, great sloping expanses of grain and crates,
-barrels, boxes, machinery, bulging sacks and drums stretched up and
-away like the inner walls of a crater.</p>
-
-<p>Fortunately, disposal onto the surface of McWorther's World had
-stopped. But not delivery to the system. Coruscating pinpoints
-of flame, far out in space, signified the presence of thousands
-upon thousands of cargo carriers that were dropping off their
-freight in solar orbit. The items of merchandise themselves were
-indistinguishable. But their composite existence was beginning to take
-on the appearance of a great ring of fragmented particles stretching
-around the sun.</p>
-
-<p>And Titus supposed that it was only the reliability of the mass-fending
-generators attached to each article that tentatively kept them all
-separate and prevented them from plunging like a devastating hailstorm
-onto the surface of his world.</p>
-
-<p>He slumped to the ground and bracketed his cheeks between his palms.
-For some unaccountable reason, it seemed that the productivity of the
-entire universe was being showered down on his private planetoid in one
-vast gravy-train effect.</p>
-
-<p>Only he was drowning in the gravy.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"And that's my story." Undersecretary of Cosmic Aid Hoverly laid his
-hands on the conference table. "And we now have McWorther's World on a
-total aid schedule."</p>
-
-<p>President Roswell, an angular man with a troubled face, drummed his
-fingertips together. "Gentlemen, this is most serious."</p>
-
-<p>On his right, Ambassador Summerson's head bobbed in accord. The gesture
-spread next to the chief of intelligence, then to Hoyerly, thus making
-the circuit back to Roswell.</p>
-
-<p>"To sum up, then," said the President, "you, Hoverly, authorized aid
-for a McWorther's World in the 47-126 area."</p>
-
-<p>The undersecretary glanced away uneasily.</p>
-
-<p>"But you, Summerson," Roswell continued, "have no record of having
-signed aid agreements with such a place."</p>
-
-<p>"That's right," the ambassador verified. "But deciding to accommodate
-McWorther's World was the most fantastic stroke of good luck
-imaginable."</p>
-
-<p>Hoverly squinted. "I don't follow you."</p>
-
-<p>"When you sent aid to the Potentate, not only did you pick what will
-undoubtedly develop into the most critical political area of the
-millennium, but you also beat the Easties to the draw in a sector that
-they had staked out all for themselves."</p>
-
-<p>"A stroke of sheer luck," President Roswell concurred.</p>
-
-<p>The roving ambassador leaned back smiling. "The chance timing was
-perfect too. We beat them by less than two weeks."</p>
-
-<p>But the intelligence chief's face was rigid with dejection. "We got
-there 'firstest,' to use an ancient expression, but not with the
-'mostest.' Our agents in Imperial City report that the amount of aid
-authorized for McWorther's World is unbelievable. The entire Eastern
-Cluster is going on a full austerity basis to support the program."</p>
-
-<p>"That shows what value they place on McWorther's World and the sector
-it opens up," Roswell offered. "When they found out we'd moved in ahead
-of them, their reaction was frantic."</p>
-
-<p>Summerson rose. "This, then, gentlemen, is it."</p>
-
-<p>"It certainly is." Roswell's voice was heavy with despondency. "The
-most God-awful aid war the cluster has ever seen."</p>
-
-<p>"We can't back out," the ambassador warned. "We've got to get busy and
-face up to the task."</p>
-
-<p>"With every resource at our disposal. To ignore the challenge would be
-to surrender this entire section of the galaxy to the Easties."</p>
-
-<p>The President was silent a moment. "Gentlemen, I am herewith sounding a
-call to economic arms. Cancel all other aid commitments and activity.
-Throw everything we have got, everything we can ever hope to produce,
-at McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"I think you'd better call on the Potentate personally," Summerson
-proposed.</p>
-
-<p>"That," said Roswell, "is exactly what I intend to do."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Adjusting the drape of his robe, the Emperor sent his eyes flicking
-over the report. Finally he lurched from his chair with a resounding
-"Eureka!"</p>
-
-<p>"So you see how it is, Your Imperial Highness," his chief adviser
-offered. "By cutting in on their McWorther World operation, we have
-indeed touched a sensitive Western spot."</p>
-
-<p>"There's no question about that," the Emperor said lustily. He was a
-portly man whose sartorial excesses made him seem even more imposing.
-His eyes, recessed under thickset brows, flared with triumph as he
-said, "McWorther's World must figure prominently in their planning.
-From the way they cut loose with everything they had when they found
-out we were stepping in too, damned if I'm not convinced this new
-system will be the pivotal point of their entire future strategy."</p>
-
-<p>"Then we'd better order double production quotas on every world that
-flies the Eastern flag."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Triple</i> quotas. And have my space yacht refitted by tomorrow."</p>
-
-<p>"You're going somewhere, Highness?" asked the adviser.</p>
-
-<p>"This Potentate McWorther is likely to be the third most important
-political figure in the galaxy. I'm not going to lose any time getting
-over there and pumping his hand."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>His face flushed with rage, Ogarm Netath tossed the space-o-gram at his
-foreign minister, then snatched it back out of Bataul's hands before he
-had a chance to read it.</p>
-
-<p>"It's a bill!" Netath's voice quivered. "They sent us a bill for that
-damned bather monstrosity!"</p>
-
-<p>Bataul's brow, to all appearances, was ready for spring planting. "Let
-me have another look at it."</p>
-
-<p>Netath stood there trembling while the foreign minister sent his eyes
-darting over the paper.</p>
-
-<p>"It's from Rear-Sobucks!" Bataul exclaimed. "A retail concern that
-obviously handles automatic bathers!"</p>
-
-<p>"But it was our aid shipment, wasn't it?"</p>
-
-<p>"Apparently not. It says here, '... for merchandise previously extended
-<i>in behalf of</i> the Western Cluster....'"</p>
-
-<p>"I don't understand."</p>
-
-<p>Bataul's features struggled through a gamut of expressions. "I think
-I'm just beginning to. Do you remember last year when we had that
-communications survey made? Between here and the nearest Western relay
-station, there was that single system. I think some crackpot had laid
-claim&mdash;of course. McWorther's his name. Calls himself a potentate."</p>
-
-<p>Netath stiffened. "And you think&mdash;?"</p>
-
-<p>"I think both we and McWorther are victims of message interfusion,"
-Bataul said flatly.</p>
-
-<p>"And our aid shipments&mdash;?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'd bet McWorther must be wringing his hands over more loot than he'll
-ever be able to count."</p>
-
-<p>Netath started punching buttons on his desk. "We've got work to do."</p>
-
-<p>"What kind?"</p>
-
-<p>"First you're going to get off a message to this Rear-Sobucks bunch
-and tell them what they can do with their bill <i>and</i> their automatic
-bather&mdash;if it'll fit. You can also explain what's happened."</p>
-
-<p>"This time we'll send the message around the <i>right</i> leg of the
-cluster," Bataul assured.</p>
-
-<p>"Then we're hopping over to this McWorther system and laying down the
-law to that character. <i>That</i> I want to do personally."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"This," said Twenty-Seventh Vice-President Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks,
-"explains it all."</p>
-
-<p>"Communications interfusion?" the twenty-sixth vice-president asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Absolutely, V.R. Just like Premier Netath says."</p>
-
-<p>"Then there's a Rear-Sobucks customer who has been unnecessarily
-inconvenienced and still hasn't been satisfied?"</p>
-
-<p>With a curt nod, Wheeler confirmed the other's fear.</p>
-
-<p>V.R. rose from his desk and wagged a finger at the other. "I still
-don't understand it all, Wheeler. But I can't avoid the impression that
-you're somehow responsible for the mess."</p>
-
-<p>Wheeler cowered.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>You're</i> going to take a trip&mdash;now!" V.R. went on, gathering steam.
-"<i>You're</i> going to deliver a bather personally to this Potentate
-McWorther. <i>You're</i> going to extend the apologies of the entire
-Rear-Sobucks organization!"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">IV</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured his tenth consecutive julep&mdash;directly from the bottle,
-without the benefit of ice, sugar or mint&mdash;and leaned back in his
-chair. His occupancy of a corner of the veranda had been a hard-won
-concession.</p>
-
-<p>Almost indifferent now, he stared at the hundreds of virtuosos and
-shouted, "Go home!"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" width="650" height="386" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>But there was little zing in his voice and the words were, of course,
-lost in the confused sea of sound&mdash;musical, argumentative, operatic and
-otherwise. Heedless, the orchestras played, the ballet dancers whirled,
-painters sketched, gymnasts tumbled, dramatists soliloquized and the
-vocalists made it plain that they would give no quarter.</p>
-
-<p>McWorther's World shud-shuddered. And the towering peaks of machinery
-and grain, cases and crates rumbled ominously as their slopes shifted.
-Titus' ears popped and he suddenly felt a giddiness that was all out of
-proportion to the number of juleps he had consumed.</p>
-
-<p>An all-too-brief silence fell over the multitude. Then, as stability
-returned to the planetoid, they dived back into their various
-activities.</p>
-
-<p>They were damned fools, McWorther thought. Even if it meant risking
-their lives, they would be willing to stay there and consort in their
-Olympian ecstasy of artistic communion. It was a field day, old home
-week, esoteric <i>anschluss</i>, a fraternal blowout&mdash;all rolled into one.</p>
-
-<p>A distant explosion rent what was left of the compact atmosphere. And,
-as an immediate consequence, additional hundreds of tons of grain
-<i>hissed</i> down a nearby slope and eased into the lake.</p>
-
-<p>Somewhat concerned, Titus stared at the myriad points of light
-coruscating deep out in space. What was happening was obvious: There
-were millions, perhaps billions of articles of freight in the same
-orbit&mdash;all maintaining their distances from the planetoid and from
-one another by virtue of their mass-repulsion generators. And, where
-that many electronic units were concerned, the breakdown factor became
-a predictable quantity. McWorther's World could now expect to be the
-target of a plunging chunk of cargo once every four or five minutes.</p>
-
-<p>Another few hours, Titus realized, and that interval would be reduced
-to four or five seconds. For he could readily see the infinite streams
-of freighters that were still arriving and dropping off additional
-cargo.</p>
-
-<p>As a matter of fact, it was so thick out there now that only a faint,
-diffused light was coming through from McWorther's Sun.</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured himself another mintless, sugarless, iceless julep.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The insigne of the Western Cluster emblazoned on its side, a giant ship
-felt its way down through the atmosphere, sidled this way and that as
-it squeezed through the barrier of anchored Pullman crafts, pulled up
-and hovered over the southern edge of the veranda.</p>
-
-<p>At that particular moment, Titus had been quite fascinated with the
-tumblers' practice session. One of the gymnasts, preparing for a
-back-flip, had taken a boost from the cupped hands of another. Only
-the resulting arc through the air was executed with slow-motion rhythm
-that took the performer to a height of perhaps twenty feet before he
-floated back to the ground.</p>
-
-<p>At the same time, Titus' ears popped again and he had the odd sensation
-that the deck chair was shrinking away beneath him.</p>
-
-<p>The newly arrived ship lowered an escalator to the surface and the
-pilot glided down, landing only a few feet from McWorther.</p>
-
-<p>"There seems to be some mistake," he said. "I was given
-these coordinates and orbital factor for a&mdash;" he checked his
-notebook&mdash;"McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>"This," said Titus stiffly, "<i>is</i> McWorther's World."</p>
-
-<p>Cupping his hands, the pilot called back into the ship. "We're on the
-right place."</p>
-
-<p>An alarmed face poked out of the hatch.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>This</i> is it?"</p>
-
-<p>Titus lurched to his feet, returning an equally startled expression.
-The man coming clown the escalator was President Vance Roswell of the
-Western Federation! He had seen the face on thousands of newscasts.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell, sickened, stared at the mountains of supplies on the obscured
-surface of the planetoid. He tilted his head back and took in the
-glimmering sea of cargo out in space, the flaring trails of exhaust
-jets that criss-crossed in an infinite pattern as endless streams of
-ships jockeyed into position to discharge more freight. Then he dropped
-to the veranda railing and buried his face hopelessly in his hands.</p>
-
-<p>By then, one of the orchestra conductors, who had also recognized the
-President, had abruptly brought his baton down to terminate the "Lyraen
-Overture." He led his ensemble into a stirring rendition of the "West
-Cluster Anthem."</p>
-
-<p>Without interrupting his misery, Roswell elevated a limp hand and
-signaled for quiet.</p>
-
-<p>But even before the musicians tapered to silence on a jagged, perplexed
-note, the other orchestra blared forth with the "East Cluster Blastoff
-March," all its members standing and facing the northern edge of the
-veranda.</p>
-
-<p>Titus watched the impressive vessel float to the surface, its almost
-invisible repulsor beams jostling the lesser Pullman ships out of its
-way. Splashed across its side was the fist-clutching-galaxy symbol of
-the Eastern Federation.</p>
-
-<p>He was still gawking when the hatch opened, ushering onto the tiled
-surface none other than the Emperor himself&mdash;an immense, brilliantly
-robed man who swept like a bowling ball through his retinue of aides.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>There were two distant explosions, one close on the heels of the other,
-and the planetoid convulsed. That time, Titus imagined, he had seen one
-of the masses of cargo plunging to the surface.</p>
-
-<p>The Emperor drew up before Titus. But although his lips moved, no
-audible sound came from his mouth, since he was in the immediate range
-of the Eastern Symphony Orchestra's bass section.</p>
-
-<p>Scowling, he whirled, threw up this arms and bellowed for silence.
-Quiet came as though someone had pulled a plug.</p>
-
-<p>"Now," he said, propping his fists on his hips and flaring his robe
-out even further, "perhaps someone will enlighten me. I'm looking for
-McWorther's World. It's supposed to be here."</p>
-
-<p>Titus poured a triple, undiluted julep and gulped down half of it. He
-said, "You're standing on it."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>This!</i> That's impossible! What's the population?"</p>
-
-<p>"Two&mdash;not counting the transients." Titus started to offer the Emperor
-the rest of his julep, thought better of it and drank it himself.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell withdrew from his dejection, looked up and nodded, verifying
-the Emperor's stark suspicion. It was apparent that the President was
-only then aware of the Emperor's identity. And the latter was obviously
-no less surprised on recognizing his counterpart from the Western
-Cluster.</p>
-
-<p>They only stared uncertainly at each other while the hundreds of
-virtuosos, sensing the propriety of demonstrating their loyalty, split
-into two groups and took sides behind their respective leaders.</p>
-
-<p>Roswell laughed finally. It was a high-pitched, unnatural sound that
-conveyed no glee at all and grew only more ragged as his shifting stare
-once again took in the completely ruined merchandise on the surface,
-the practically irretrievable cargoes adrift in space. His pitiable
-outburst suggested an infinity of futility over the wanton waste. It
-spoke wordlessly of sterility for hundreds of productive worlds over
-the years ahead&mdash;economic sterility, and its inevitable consequence of
-military impotence.</p>
-
-<p>The Emperor watched him for a moment, then dropped to the veranda
-rail beside him. He didn't join in the almost hysterical laughter.
-But his glum features reflected sympathetic appreciation of Roswell's
-predicament. And in his heavy silence was the admission that the
-circumstances were mutual.</p>
-
-<p>McWorther's World trembled again. Titus inclined his head to one side,
-jiggling a finger in his ear to stop it from popping. He could have
-sworn, too, that he had seen the Emperor and the President levitate a
-good several inches off the rail.</p>
-
-<p>Edna stalked from the house, surveyed the new arrivals without giving
-any indication she had recognized them and wagged a finger in her
-husband's face.</p>
-
-<p>"Titus, this has gone far enough!" she exclaimed. "If you don't&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Later, Love," he pacified. "Something's going wrong."</p>
-
-<p>She was taken aback by his understatement. But he hadn't meant it that
-way. He had merely expressed suspicion over his recurrent sensations of
-lightness.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Almost at the same time, two other ships dropped down at the edge of
-the veranda. The hatch of the first sprang open and disgorged a thin
-man in a swallow-tail coat who drew rigidly erect and announced:</p>
-
-<p>"His Most August Excellency, Prime Minister Netath of Gauyuth-Six!"</p>
-
-<p>Ogarm Netath, indignation branding his features, strode out. "Where's
-this Potentate McWorther character?" he demanded.</p>
-
-<p>A hundred extended fingers singled out Titus, who was just then pouring
-a thirteenth julep.</p>
-
-<p>Netath stomped over. "You, sir, have got <i>my</i> aid consignments!"</p>
-
-<p>By that time, the other ship had thrown open its hatch and a short,
-stout man in a business suit emerged.</p>
-
-<p>"I am Wheeler of Rear-Sobucks and Company," he disclosed, standing to
-one side so that two men working with antigrav grapples could wrestle
-a large crate onto the veranda. "I have an apology and an automatic
-bather for Potentate McWorther."</p>
-
-<p>But Titus turned his back on the man, abruptly facing his wife. "Good
-God! What day is it?"</p>
-
-<p>She frowned in puzzlement. "Why, Wednesday."</p>
-
-<p>There was a sharp explosion nearby as another article of cargo came
-hurtling down from space.</p>
-
-<p>"And it's almost noon!"</p>
-
-<p>She nodded, still perplexed.</p>
-
-<p>"Get into the spaceabout, Love&mdash;<i>quick</i>!"</p>
-
-<p>She hesitated and he gave her a shove.</p>
-
-<p>But he paused and faced the others. "You got just about fifteen minutes
-to climb into your contraptions and clear out&mdash;all of you! Because by
-then we'll be fresh out of gravity!"</p>
-
-<p>And they'd be lucky if they had <i>that much</i> time, he realized as he
-followed Edna into the small craft. He had known he would have to face
-the inevitable crisis on Wednesday. But all along he had been off one
-day in his calculations, such that he had been sure today was only
-Tuesday.</p>
-
-<p>"What is it, Titus?" his wife asked as he strapped himself in beside
-her.</p>
-
-<p>"The supplementary gravity generator hasn't been refueled! It's
-sputtering out!"</p>
-
-<p>From space, he watched the end of McWorther's World.</p>
-
-<p>The atmosphere went first, <i>swooshing</i> outward as a result of abrupt
-decompression and leaving a halo of frozen water crystals in its wake.
-Then the cargo that was piled on the surface recoiled from its own
-cumulative pressure and shot out into space. The topsoil followed suit,
-dispersing like a dust storm, while the lakes boiled in one instant and
-their vapor froze in the next.</p>
-
-<p>Before any of the hurtling mess could reach his spaceabout, Titus
-followed the Pullman crafts, the Rear-Sobucks delivery vehicle and the
-Presidential and Imperial yachts into hyperspace.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Titus and Edna McWorther have given up rustic retirement. Instead they
-are living out their declining years in a floating villa just off the
-Jersey coast.</p>
-
-<p>Life is still gratifying, with the exception of one detail.</p>
-
-<p>But Titus is resolved that he and his wife will have to be content with
-the shower-masseur for the rest of their lives.</p>
-
-<p>At any rate, he'll be damned if he'll put in another order for an
-automatic bather, with or without a back-scrubbing attachment.</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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