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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 3
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5784]
+Posting Date: June 3, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 3.
+
+By Mark Twain
+
+(Samuel L. Clemens)
+
+First published in 1880
+
+Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition
+
+ * * * * * *
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS:
+
+     1.   PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR
+     2.   TITIAN'S MOSES
+     3.   THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES
+     73.  A DEEP AND TRANQUIL ECSTACY
+     74.  "WHICH ANSWERED JUST AS WELL"
+     75.  LIFE ON A RAFT
+     76.  LADY GERTRUDE
+     77.  MOUTH OF THE CAVERN
+     78.  A FATAL MISTAKE
+     79.  TAIL PIECE
+     80.  RAFTING ON THE NECKAR
+     81.  THE LORELEI
+     82.  THE LOVER's FATE
+     84.  THE UNKNOWN KNIGHT
+     85.  THE EMBRACE
+     86.  PERILOUS POSTTION
+     87.  THE RAFT IN A STORM
+     88.  ALL SAFE ON SHORE
+     89.  "IT WAS THE CAT"
+     90.  TAILPIECE
+     91.  BREAKFAST IN THE GARDEN 162
+     92.  EASILY UNDERSTOOD
+     93.  EXPERIMENTING THROUGH HARRIS
+     94.  AT THE BALL ROOM DOOR
+     95.  THE TOWN OF DILSBERG
+     96.  OUR ADVANCE ON DILSBERG
+     97.  INSIDE THE TOWN
+     95.  THE OLD WELL
+     99.  SEND HITHER THE LORD ULRICH
+     100.  LEAD ME TO HER GRAVE
+     102.  AN EXCELLENT PILOT, ONCE
+     103.  SCATTERATION
+     104.  THE RIVER BATH
+     101.  ETRUSCAN TEAR JUG
+     106.  HENRI II. PLATE
+     l07.  OLD BLUE CHINA
+     108.  A REAL ANTIQUE
+     109.  BRIC-A-BRAC SHOP
+     110.  "PUT IT THERE"
+     111.  THE PARSON CAPTURED
+     112.  TAIL PIECE
+     113.  A COMPREHENSIVE YAWN
+     114.  TESTING THE COIN
+     115.  BEAUTY AT THE BATH
+     116.  IN THE BATH
+     117.  JERSEY INDIANS
+     118.  NOT PARTICULARLY SOCIABLE
+
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+
+CHAPTER XV Down the River--German Women's Duties--Bathing as We Went--A
+Handsome Picture: Girls in the Willows--We Sight a Tug--Steamers on the
+Neckar--Dinner on Board--Legend "Cave of the Spectre "--Lady Gertrude
+the Heiress--The Crusader--The Lady in the Cave--A Tragedy
+
+CHAPTER XVI An Ancient Legend of the Rhine--"The Lorelei"--Count
+Hermann--Falling in Love--A Sight of the Enchantress--Sad Effect
+on Count Hermann--An Evening visit--A Sad Mistake--Count Hermann
+Drowned--The Song and Music--Different Trans lations--Curiosities in
+Titles
+
+CHAPTER XVII Another Legend--The Unconquered Monster--The Unknown Knight
+--His Queer Shaped Knapsack--The Knight Pitied and Advised--He Attacks
+the Monster--Victory for the Fire Extinguisher--The Knight rewarded--His
+Strange Request----Spectacles Made Popular--Danger to the Raft--Blasting
+Rocks--An Inglorious Death in View--Escaped--A Storm Overtakes
+us--GreatDanger--Man Overboard--Breakers Ahead--Springing a Leak--Ashore
+Safe--A General Embracing--A Tramp in the Dark--The Naturalist Tavern--A
+Night's Troubles--"It is the Cat"
+
+CHAPTER XVIII Breakfast in a Garden--The Old Raven--Castle of
+Hirschhorn--Attempt to Hire a Boat--High Dutch--What You Can Find out
+by Enquiring--What I Found out about the Students--A good German
+Custom--Harris Practices It--AnEmbarrassing Position--A Nice Party--At a
+Ball--Stopped at the Door--Assistance at Hand and Rendered--Worthy to be
+an Empress
+
+CHAPTER XIX Arrive at Neckarsteinach--Castle of Dilsberg--A Walled
+Town--On a Hill--Exclusiveness of the People--A Queer Old Place--An
+Ancient Well--An Outlet Proved--Legend of Dilsberg Castle--The
+Haunted Chamber--The Betrothed's request--The Knight's Slumbers
+and Awakening--Horror of the Lover--The Wicked Jest--The Lover a
+Maniac--Under the Linden--Turning Pilot--Accident to the Raft--Fearful
+Disaster
+
+CHAPTER XX Good News--"Slow Freight"--Keramics--My Collection of Bric-a-
+brac--My Tear Jug--Henri II. Plate--Specimen of Blue China--Indifference
+to the Laugh of the World--I Discover an Antique En-route to
+Baden--Baden--Meeting an Old Acquaintance--A young American--Embryo
+Horse Doctor--An American, Sure--A Minister Captured
+
+CHAPTER XXI Baden--Baden--Energetic Girls--A Comprehensive Yawn--A
+Beggar's Trick--Cool Impudence--The Bath Woman--Insolence of Shop
+Keepers--Taking a Bath--Early and Late Hours--Popular Belief Regarding
+Indians--An Old Cemetery--A Pious Hag--Curious Table Companions
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+[Charming Waterside Pictures]
+
+
+Men and women and cattle were at work in the dewy fields by this time.
+The people often stepped aboard the raft, as we glided along the grassy
+shores, and gossiped with us and with the crew for a hundred yards or
+so, then stepped ashore again, refreshed by the ride.
+
+Only the men did this; the women were too busy. The women do all kinds
+of work on the continent. They dig, they hoe, they reap, they sow, they
+bear monstrous burdens on their backs, they shove similar ones long
+distances on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog or
+lean cow to drag it--and when there is, they assist the dog or cow. Age
+is no matter--the older the woman the stronger she is, apparently.
+On the farm a woman's duties are not defined--she does a little of
+everything; but in the towns it is different, there she only does
+certain things, the men do the rest. For instance, a hotel chambermaid
+has nothing to do but make beds and fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring
+towels and candles, and fetch several tons of water up several flights
+of stairs, a hundred pounds at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers. She
+does not have to work more than eighteen or twenty hours a day, and
+she can always get down on her knees and scrub the floors of halls and
+closets when she is tired and needs a rest.
+
+As the morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took off our
+outside clothing and sat in a row along the edge of the raft and enjoyed
+the scenery, with our sun-umbrellas over our heads and our legs dangling
+in the water.
+
+
+
+Every now and then we plunged in and had a swim. Every projecting grassy
+cape had its joyous group of naked children, the boys to themselves and
+the girls to themselves, the latter usually in care of some motherly
+dame who sat in the shade of a tree with her knitting. The little boys
+swam out to us, sometimes, but the little maids stood knee-deep in the
+water and stopped their splashing and frolicking to inspect the raft
+with their innocent eyes as it drifted by. Once we turned a corner
+suddenly and surprised a slender girl of twelve years or upward, just
+stepping into the water. She had not time to run, but she did what
+answered just as well; she promptly drew a lithe young willow bough
+athwart her white body with one hand, and then contemplated us with a
+simple and untroubled interest. Thus she stood while we glided by. She
+was a pretty creature, and she and her willow bough made a very
+pretty picture, and one which could not offend the modesty of the most
+fastidious spectator. Her white skin had a low bank of fresh green
+willows for background and effective contrast--for she stood against
+them--and above and out of them projected the eager faces and white
+shoulders of two smaller girls.
+
+
+
+Toward noon we heard the inspiriting cry,--
+
+"Sail ho!"
+
+"Where away?" shouted the captain.
+
+"Three points off the weather bow!"
+
+We ran forward to see the vessel. It proved to be a steamboat--for they
+had begun to run a steamer up the Neckar, for the first time in May.
+She was a tug, and one of a very peculiar build and aspect. I had often
+watched her from the hotel, and wondered how she propelled herself, for
+apparently she had no propeller or paddles. She came churning along,
+now, making a deal of noise of one kind or another, and aggravating it
+every now and then by blowing a hoarse whistle. She had nine keel-boats
+hitched on behind and following after her in a long, slender rank. We
+met her in a narrow place, between dikes, and there was hardly room for
+us both in the cramped passage. As she went grinding and groaning by, we
+perceived the secret of her moving impulse. She did not drive herself up
+the river with paddles or propeller, she pulled herself by hauling on
+a great chain. This chain is laid in the bed of the river and is only
+fastened at the two ends. It is seventy miles long. It comes in over the
+boat's bow, passes around a drum, and is payed out astern. She pulls
+on that chain, and so drags herself up the river or down it. She has
+neither bow or stern, strictly speaking, for she has a long-bladed
+rudder on each end and she never turns around. She uses both rudders
+all the time, and they are powerful enough to enable her to turn to
+the right or the left and steer around curves, in spite of the strong
+resistance of the chain. I would not have believed that that impossible
+thing could be done; but I saw it done, and therefore I know that there
+is one impossible thing which CAN be done. What miracle will man attempt
+next?
+
+We met many big keel-boats on their way up, using sails, mule power, and
+profanity--a tedious and laborious business. A wire rope led from the
+foretopmast to the file of mules on the tow-path a hundred yards ahead,
+and by dint of much banging and swearing and urging, the detachment of
+drivers managed to get a speed of two or three miles an hour out of the
+mules against the stiff current. The Neckar has always been used as a
+canal, and thus has given employment to a great many men and animals;
+but now that this steamboat is able, with a small crew and a bushel or
+so of coal, to take nine keel-boats farther up the river in one hour
+than thirty men and thirty mules can do it in two, it is believed
+that the old-fashioned towing industry is on its death-bed. A second
+steamboat began work in the Neckar three months after the first one was
+put in service. [Figure 4]
+
+At noon we stepped ashore and bought some bottled beer and got some
+chickens cooked, while the raft waited; then we immediately put to sea
+again, and had our dinner while the beer was cold and the chickens hot.
+There is no pleasanter place for such a meal than a raft that is
+gliding down the winding Neckar past green meadows and wooded hills, and
+slumbering villages, and craggy heights graced with crumbling towers and
+battlements.
+
+
+
+In one place we saw a nicely dressed German gentleman without any
+spectacles. Before I could come to anchor he had got underway. It was a
+great pity. I so wanted to make a sketch of him. The captain comforted
+me for my loss, however, by saying that the man was without any doubt a
+fraud who had spectacles, but kept them in his pocket in order to make
+himself conspicuous.
+
+Below Hassmersheim we passed Hornberg, Goetz von Berlichingen's old
+castle. It stands on a bold elevation two hundred feet above the surface
+of the river; it has high vine-clad walls enclosing trees, and a peaked
+tower about seventy-five feet high. The steep hillside, from the castle
+clear down to the water's edge, is terraced, and clothed thick with
+grape vines. This is like farming a mansard roof. All the steeps along
+that part of the river which furnish the proper exposure, are given
+up to the grape. That region is a great producer of Rhine wines. The
+Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall,
+slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them
+from vinegar by the label.
+
+The Hornberg hill is to be tunneled, and the new railway will pass under
+the castle. THE CAVE OF THE SPECTER Two miles below Hornberg castle is
+a cave in a low cliff, which the captain of the raft said had once been
+occupied by a beautiful heiress of Hornberg--the Lady Gertrude--in the
+old times. It was seven hundred years ago. She had a number of rich and
+noble lovers and one poor and obscure one, Sir Wendel Lobenfeld. With
+the native chuckleheadedness of the heroine of romance, she preferred
+the poor and obscure lover.
+
+
+
+With the native sound judgment of the father of a heroine of romance,
+the von Berlichingen of that day shut his daughter up in his donjon
+keep, or his oubliette, or his culverin, or some such place, and
+resolved that she should stay there until she selected a husband from
+among her rich and noble lovers. The latter visited her and persecuted
+her with their supplications, but without effect, for her heart was
+true to her poor despised Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy Land.
+Finally, she resolved that she would endure the attentions of the rich
+lovers no longer; so one stormy night she escaped and went down
+the river and hid herself in the cave on the other side. Her father
+ransacked the country for her, but found not a trace of her. As the
+days went by, and still no tidings of her came, his conscience began to
+torture him, and he caused proclamation to be made that if she were yet
+living and would return, he would oppose her no longer, she might marry
+whom she would. The months dragged on, all hope forsook the old man, he
+ceased from his customary pursuits and pleasures, he devoted himself to
+pious works, and longed for the deliverance of death.
+
+Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress stood in the mouth
+of her cave, arrayed in white robes, and sang a little love ballad which
+her Crusader had made for her. She judged that if he came home alive the
+superstitious peasants would tell him about the ghost that sang in the
+cave, and that as soon as they described the ballad he would know that
+none but he and she knew that song, therefore he would suspect that she
+was alive, and would come and find her. As time went on, the people of
+the region became sorely distressed about the Specter of the Haunted
+Cave. It was said that ill luck of one kind or another always overtook
+any one who had the misfortune to hear that song. Eventually, every
+calamity that happened thereabouts was laid at the door of that music.
+Consequently, no boatmen would consent to pass the cave at night; the
+peasants shunned the place, even in the daytime.
+
+
+
+But the faithful girl sang on, night after night, month after month, and
+patiently waited; her reward must come at last. Five years dragged by,
+and still, every night at midnight, the plaintive tones floated out over
+the silent land, while the distant boatmen and peasants thrust their
+fingers into their ears and shuddered out a prayer.
+
+And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and battle-scarred, but bringing
+a great and splendid fame to lay at the feet of his bride. The old lord
+of Hornberg received him as his son, and wanted him to stay by him
+and be the comfort and blessing of his age; but the tale of that young
+girl's devotion to him and its pathetic consequences made a changed
+man of the knight. He could not enjoy his well-earned rest. He said his
+heart was broken, he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds in
+the cause of humanity, and so find a worthy death and a blessed reunion
+with the brave true heart whose love had more honored him than all his
+victories in war.
+
+When the people heard this resolve of his, they came and told him there
+was a pitiless dragon in human disguise in the Haunted Cave, a dread
+creature which no knight had yet been bold enough to face, and begged
+him to rid the land of its desolating presence. He said he would do it.
+They told him about the song, and when he asked what song it was, they
+said the memory of it was gone, for nobody had been hardy enough to
+listen to it for the past four years and more.
+
+Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down the river in a boat,
+with his trusty cross-bow in his hands. He drifted silently through the
+dim reflections of the crags and trees, with his intent eyes fixed upon
+the low cliff which he was approaching. As he drew nearer, he discerned
+the black mouth of the cave. Now--is that a white figure? Yes. The
+plaintive song begins to well forth and float away over meadow and
+river--the cross-bow is slowly raised to position, a steady aim is
+taken, the bolt flies straight to the mark--the figure sinks down, still
+singing, the knight takes the wool out of his ears, and recognizes the
+old ballad--too late! Ah, if he had only not put the wool in his ears!
+
+
+
+The Crusader went away to the wars again, and presently fell in battle,
+fighting for the Cross. Tradition says that during several centuries the
+spirit of the unfortunate girl sang nightly from the cave at midnight,
+but the music carried no curse with it; and although many listened for
+the mysterious sounds, few were favored, since only those could hear
+them who had never failed in a trust. It is believed that the singing
+still continues, but it is known that nobody has heard it during the
+present century.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+An Ancient Legend of the Rhine [The Lorelei]
+
+
+The last legend reminds one of the "Lorelei"--a legend of the Rhine.
+There is a song called "The Lorelei."
+
+Germany is rich in folk-songs, and the words and airs of several of them
+are peculiarly beautiful--but "The Lorelei" is the people's favorite. I
+could not endure it at first, but by and by it began to take hold of me,
+and now there is no tune which I like so well.
+
+It is not possible that it is much known in America, else I should have
+heard it there. The fact that I never heard it there, is evidence that
+there are others in my country who have fared likewise; therefore, for
+the sake of these, I mean to print the words and music in this chapter.
+And I will refresh the reader's memory by printing the legend of the
+Lorelei, too. I have it by me in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, done into
+English by the wildly gifted Garnham, Bachelor of Arts. I print the
+legend partly to refresh my own memory, too, for I have never read it
+before. THE LEGEND Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who used to
+sit on a high rock called the Ley or Lei (pronounced like our word LIE)
+in the Rhine, and lure boatmen to destruction in a furious rapid
+which marred the channel at that spot. She so bewitched them with her
+plaintive songs and her wonderful beauty that they forgot everything
+else to gaze up at her, and so they presently drifted among the broken
+reefs and were lost.
+
+In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in a great castle near
+there with his son, the Count Hermann, a youth of twenty. Hermann had
+heard a great deal about the beautiful Lore, and had finally fallen very
+deeply in love with her without having seen her. So he used to wander to
+the neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with his Zither and "Express his
+Longing in low Singing," as Garnham says. On one of these occasions,
+"suddenly there hovered around the top of the rock a brightness of
+unequaled clearness and color, which, in increasingly smaller circles
+thickened, was the enchanting figure of the beautiful Lore.
+
+
+
+"An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, he let his Zither fall,
+and with extended arms he called out the name of the enigmatical Being,
+who seemed to stoop lovingly to him and beckon to him in a friendly
+manner; indeed, if his ear did not deceive him, she called his name with
+unutterable sweet Whispers, proper to love. Beside himself with delight
+the youth lost his Senses and sank senseless to the earth."
+
+After that he was a changed person. He went dreaming about, thinking
+only of his fairy and caring for naught else in the world. "The old
+count saw with affliction this changement in his son," whose cause he
+could not divine, and tried to divert his mind into cheerful channels,
+but to no purpose. Then the old count used authority. He commanded the
+youth to betake himself to the camp. Obedience was promised. Garnham
+says:
+
+"It was on the evening before his departure, as he wished still once to
+visit the Lei and offer to the Nymph of the Rhine his Sighs, the
+tones of his Zither, and his Songs. He went, in his boat, this time
+accompanied by a faithful squire, down the stream. The moon shed her
+silvery light over the whole country; the steep bank mountains appeared
+in the most fantastical shapes, and the high oaks on either side bowed
+their Branches on Hermann's passing. As soon as he approached the
+Lei, and was aware of the surf-waves, his attendant was seized with an
+inexpressible Anxiety and he begged permission to land; but the Knight
+swept the strings of his Guitar and sang:
+
+     "Once I saw thee in dark night,
+     In supernatural Beauty bright;
+     Of Light-rays, was the Figure wove,
+     To share its light, locked-hair strove.
+
+
+     "Thy Garment color wave-dove
+     By thy hand the sign of love,
+     Thy eyes sweet enchantment,
+     Raying to me, oh! enchantment.
+
+
+     "O, wert thou but my sweetheart,
+     How willingly thy love to part!
+     With delight I should be bound
+     To thy rocky house in deep ground."
+
+That Hermann should have gone to that place at all, was not wise; that
+he should have gone with such a song as that in his mouth was a most
+serious mistake. The Lorelei did not "call his name in unutterable
+sweet Whispers" this time. No, that song naturally worked an instant
+and thorough "changement" in her; and not only that, but it stirred the
+bowels of the whole afflicted region around about there--for--
+
+"Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere there began tumult and
+sound, as if voices above and below the water. On the Lei rose flames,
+the Fairy stood above, at that time, and beckoned with her right hand
+clearly and urgently to the infatuated Knight, while with a staff in
+her left hand she called the waves to her service. They began to mount
+heavenward; the boat was upset, mocking every exertion; the waves rose
+to the gunwale, and splitting on the hard stones, the Boat broke into
+Pieces. The youth sank into the depths, but the squire was thrown on
+shore by a powerful wave."
+
+
+
+The bitterest things have been said about the Lorelei during many
+centuries, but surely her conduct upon this occasion entitles her to our
+respect. One feels drawn tenderly toward her and is moved to forget her
+many crimes and remember only the good deed that crowned and closed her
+career.
+
+"The Fairy was never more seen; but her enchanting tones have often been
+heard. In the beautiful, refreshing, still nights of spring, when the
+moon pours her silver light over the Country, the listening shipper
+hears from the rushing of the waves, the echoing Clang of a wonderfully
+charming voice, which sings a song from the crystal castle, and with
+sorrow and fear he thinks on the young Count Hermann, seduced by the
+Nymph."
+
+Here is the music, and the German words by Heinrich Heine. This song has
+been a favorite in Germany for forty years, and will remain a favorite
+always, maybe. [Figure 5]
+
+I have a prejudice against people who print things in a foreign language
+and add no translation. When I am the reader, and the author considers
+me able to do the translating myself, he pays me quite a nice
+compliment--but if he would do the translating for me I would try to get
+along without the compliment.
+
+If I were at home, no doubt I could get a translation of this poem, but
+I am abroad and can't; therefore I will make a translation myself. It
+may not be a good one, for poetry is out of my line, but it will serve
+my purpose--which is, to give the unGerman young girl a jingle of words
+to hang the tune on until she can get hold of a good version, made by
+some one who is a poet and knows how to convey a poetical thought from
+one language to another.
+
+     THE LORELEI
+
+
+     I cannot divine what it meaneth,
+     This haunting nameless pain:
+     A tale of the bygone ages
+     Keeps brooding through my brain:
+
+
+     The faint air cools in the glooming,
+     And peaceful flows the Rhine,
+     The thirsty summits are drinking
+     The sunset's flooding wine;
+
+
+     The loveliest maiden is sitting
+     High-throned in yon blue air,
+     Her golden jewels are shining,
+     She combs her golden hair;
+
+
+     She combs with a comb that is golden,
+     And sings a weird refrain
+     That steeps in a deadly enchantment
+     The list'ner's ravished brain:
+
+
+     The doomed in his drifting shallop,
+     Is tranced with the sad sweet tone,
+     He sees not the yawning breakers,
+     He sees but the maid alone:
+
+
+     The pitiless billows engulf him!--
+     So perish sailor and bark;
+     And this, with her baleful singing,
+     Is the Lorelei's gruesome work.
+
+I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of Arts, in the LEGENDS OF THE
+RHINE, but it would not answer the purpose I mentioned above, because
+the measure is too nobly irregular; it don't fit the tune snugly enough;
+in places it hangs over at the ends too far, and in other places one
+runs out of words before he gets to the end of a bar. Still, Garnham's
+translation has high merits, and I am not dreaming of leaving it out of
+my book. I believe this poet is wholly unknown in America and England; I
+take peculiar pleasure in bringing him forward because I consider that I
+discovered him:
+
+     THE LORELEI
+
+     Translated by L. W. Garnham, B.A.
+
+     I do not know what it signifies.
+     That I am so sorrowful?
+     A fable of old Times so terrifies,
+     Leaves my heart so thoughtful.
+
+
+     The air is cool and it darkens,
+     And calmly flows the Rhine;
+     The summit of the mountain hearkens
+     In evening sunshine line.
+
+
+     The most beautiful Maiden entrances
+     Above wonderfully there,
+     Her beautiful golden attire glances,
+     She combs her golden hair.
+
+
+     With golden comb so lustrous,
+     And thereby a song sings,
+     It has a tone so wondrous,
+     That powerful melody rings.
+
+
+     The shipper in the little ship
+     It effects with woe sad might;
+     He does not see the rocky slip,
+     He only regards dreaded height.
+
+
+     I believe the turbulent waves
+     Swallow the last shipper and boat;
+     She with her singing craves
+     All to visit hermagic moat.
+
+No translation could be closer. He has got in all the facts; and in
+their regular order, too. There is not a statistic wanting. It is as
+succinct as an invoice. That is what a translation ought to be; it
+should exactly reflect the thought of the original. You can't SING
+"Above wonderfully there," because it simply won't go to the tune,
+without damaging the singer; but it is a most clingingly exact
+translation of DORT OBEN WUNDERBAR--fits it like a blister. Mr.
+Garnham's reproduction has other merits--a hundred of them--but it is
+not necessary to point them out. They will be detected.
+
+No one with a specialty can hope to have a monopoly of it. Even Garnham
+has a rival. Mr. X had a small pamphlet with him which he had bought
+while on a visit to Munich. It was entitled A CATALOGUE OF PICTURES IN
+THE OLD PINACOTEK, and was written in a peculiar kind of English. Here
+are a few extracts:
+
+"It is not permitted to make use of the work in question to a
+publication of the same contents as well as to the pirated edition of
+it."
+
+"An evening landscape. In the foreground near a pond and a group of
+white beeches is leading a footpath animated by travelers."
+
+"A learned man in a cynical and torn dress holding an open book in his
+hand."
+
+"St. Bartholomew and the Executioner with the knife to fulfil the
+martyr."
+
+"Portrait of a young man. A long while this picture was thought to be
+Bindi Altoviti's portrait; now somebody will again have it to be the
+self-portrait of Raphael."
+
+"Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man. In the background the
+lapidation of the condemned."
+
+("Lapidation" is good; it is much more elegant than "stoning.")
+
+"St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel who looks at his
+plague-sore, whilst the dog the bread in his mouth attents him."
+
+"Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting. Behind her a fertile valley
+perfused by a river."
+
+"A beautiful bouquet animated by May-bugs, etc."
+
+"A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his hand leans against a
+table and blows the smoke far away of himself."
+
+"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river which perfuses it till to the
+background."
+
+"Some peasants singing in a cottage. A woman lets drink a child out of a
+cup."
+
+"St. John's head as a boy--painted in fresco on a brick." (Meaning a
+tile.)
+
+"A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut off right at the end,
+dressed in black with the same cap. Attributed to Raphael, but the
+signation is false."
+
+"The Virgin holding the Infant. It is very painted in the manner of
+Sassoferrato."
+
+"A Larder with greens and dead game animated by a cook-maid and two
+kitchen-boys."
+
+However, the English of this catalogue is at least as happy as that
+which distinguishes an inscription upon a certain picture in Rome--to
+wit:
+
+"Revelations-View. St. John in Patterson's Island."
+
+But meanwhile the raft is moving on.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+[Why Germans Wear Spectacles]
+
+
+A mile or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar ruin projecting above the
+foliage which clothed the peak of a high and very steep hill. This ruin
+consisted of merely a couple of crumbling masses of masonry which bore
+a rude resemblance to human faces; they leaned forward and touched
+foreheads, and had the look of being absorbed in conversation. This
+ruin had nothing very imposing or picturesque about it, and there was no
+great deal of it, yet it was called the "Spectacular Ruin."
+
+LEGEND OF THE "SPECTACULAR RUIN" The captain of the raft, who was as
+full of history as he could stick, said that in the Middle Ages a most
+prodigious fire-breathing dragon used to live in that region, and made
+more trouble than a tax-collector. He was as long as a railway-train,
+and had the customary impenetrable green scales all over him. His breath
+bred pestilence and conflagration, and his appetite bred famine. He ate
+men and cattle impartially, and was exceedingly unpopular. The German
+emperor of that day made the usual offer: he would grant to the
+destroyer of the dragon, any one solitary thing he might ask for; for he
+had a surplusage of daughters, and it was customary for dragon-killers
+to take a daughter for pay.
+
+So the most renowned knights came from the four corners of the earth and
+retired down the dragon's throat one after the other. A panic arose and
+spread. Heroes grew cautious. The procession ceased. The dragon became
+more destructive than ever. The people lost all hope of succor, and fled
+to the mountains for refuge.
+
+At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure knight, out of a far
+country, arrived to do battle with the monster. A pitiable object he
+was, with his armor hanging in rags about him, and his strange-shaped
+knapsack strapped upon his back. Everybody turned up their noses at him,
+and some openly jeered him. But he was calm. He simply inquired if
+the emperor's offer was still in force. The emperor said it was--but
+charitably advised him to go and hunt hares and not endanger so precious
+a life as his in an attempt which had brought death to so many of the
+world's most illustrious heroes.
+
+
+
+But this tramp only asked--"Were any of these heroes men of science?"
+This raised a laugh, of course, for science was despised in those days.
+But the tramp was not in the least ruffled. He said he might be a little
+in advance of his age, but no matter--science would come to be honored,
+some time or other. He said he would march against the dragon in the
+morning. Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him, but
+he declined, and said, "spears were useless to men of science." They
+allowed him to sup in the servants' hall, and gave him a bed in the
+stables.
+
+When he started forth in the morning, thousands were gathered to see.
+The emperor said:
+
+"Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your knapsack."
+
+But the tramp said:
+
+"It is not a knapsack," and moved straight on.
+
+The dragon was waiting and ready. He was breathing forth vast volumes
+of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts of flame. The ragged knight
+stole warily to a good position, then he unslung his cylindrical
+knapsack--which was simply the common fire-extinguisher known to modern
+times--and the first chance he got he turned on his hose and shot the
+dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth. Out went the fires
+in an instant, and the dragon curled up and died.
+
+
+
+This man had brought brains to his aid. He had reared dragons from the
+egg, in his laboratory, he had watched over them like a mother, and
+patiently studied them and experimented upon them while they grew. Thus
+he had found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon; put out
+the dragon's fires and it could make steam no longer, and must die.
+He could not put out a fire with a spear, therefore he invented the
+extinguisher. The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck
+and said:
+
+"Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning out behind
+with his heel for a detachment of his daughters to form and advance. But
+the tramp gave them no observance. He simply said:
+
+"My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly of the
+manufacture and sale of spectacles in Germany."
+
+The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed:
+
+"This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A modest demand, by my
+halidome! Why didn't you ask for the imperial revenues at once, and be
+done with it?"
+
+But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it. To everybody's
+surprise, the unselfish monopolist immediately reduced the price of
+spectacles to such a degree that a great and crushing burden was removed
+from the nation. The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to
+testify his appreciation of it, issued a decree commanding everybody to
+buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them, whether they needed them
+or not.
+
+So originated the wide-spread custom of wearing spectacles in Germany;
+and as a custom once established in these old lands is imperishable,
+this one remains universal in the empire to this day. Such is the legend
+of the monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle, now called the
+"Spectacular Ruin."
+
+On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectacular Ruin, we
+passed by a noble pile of castellated buildings overlooking the water
+from the crest of a lofty elevation. A stretch of two hundred yards of
+the high front wall was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass
+of buildings within rose three picturesque old towers. The place was in
+fine order, and was inhabited by a family of princely rank. This castle
+had its legend, too, but I should not feel justified in repeating it
+because I doubted the truth of some of its minor details.
+
+Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers were blasting away
+the frontage of the hills to make room for the new railway. They were
+fifty or a hundred feet above the river. As we turned a sharp corner
+they began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look out for the
+explosions. It was all very well to warn us, but what could WE do? You
+can't back a raft upstream, you can't hurry it downstream, you can't
+scatter out to one side when you haven't any room to speak of, you won't
+take to the perpendicular cliffs on the other shore when they appear to
+be blasting there, too. Your resources are limited, you see. There is
+simply nothing for it but to watch and pray.
+
+For some hours we had been making three and a half or four miles an hour
+and we were still making that. We had been dancing right along until
+those men began to shout; then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me
+that I had never seen a raft go so slowly. When the first blast went
+off we raised our sun-umbrellas and waited for the result. No harm
+done; none of the stones fell in the water. Another blast followed, and
+another and another. Some of the rubbish fell in the water just astern
+of us.
+
+
+
+We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it was certainly
+one of the most exciting and uncomfortable weeks I ever spent, either
+aship or ashore. Of course we frequently manned the poles and shoved
+earnestly for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts of dust
+and debris shot aloft every man dropped his pole and looked up to get
+the bearings of his share of it. It was very busy times along there for
+a while. It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was
+not the bitterest thought; no, the abjectly unheroic nature of the
+death--that was the sting--that and the bizarre wording of the resulting
+obituary: "SHOT WITH A ROCK, ON A RAFT." There would be no poetry
+written about it. None COULD be written about it. Example:
+
+NOT by war's shock, or war's shaft,--SHOT, with a rock, on a raft.
+
+No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a theme as that. I
+should be distinguished as the only "distinguished dead" who went down
+to the grave unsonneted, in 1878.
+
+But we escaped, and I have never regretted it. The last blast was a
+peculiarly strong one, and after the small rubbish was done raining
+around us and we were just going to shake hands over our deliverance, a
+later and larger stone came down amongst our little group of pedestrians
+and wrecked an umbrella. It did no other harm, but we took to the water
+just the same.
+
+It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the new railway
+gradings is done mainly by Italians. That was a revelation. We have
+the notion in our country that Italians never do heavy work at all, but
+confine themselves to the lighter arts, like organ-grinding, operatic
+singing, and assassination. We have blundered, that is plain.
+
+All along the river, near every village, we saw little station-houses
+for the future railway. They were finished and waiting for the rails and
+business. They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be. They
+were always of brick or stone; they were of graceful shape, they had
+vines and flowers about them already, and around them the grass was
+bright and green, and showed that it was carefully looked after. They
+were a decoration to the beautiful landscape, not an offense. Wherever
+one saw a pile of gravel or a pile of broken stone, it was always heaped
+as trimly and exactly as a new grave or a stack of cannon-balls; nothing
+about those stations or along the railroad or the wagon-road was
+allowed to look shabby or be unornamental. The keeping a country in such
+beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise practical side to
+it, too, for it keeps thousands of people in work and bread who would
+otherwise be idle and mischievous.
+
+As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up, but I thought
+maybe we might make Hirschhorn, so we went on. Presently the sky became
+overcast, and the captain came aft looking uneasy. He cast his eye
+aloft, then shook his head, and said it was coming on to blow. My party
+wanted to land at once--therefore I wanted to go on. The captain said we
+ought to shorten sail anyway, out of common prudence. Consequently, the
+larboard watch was ordered to lay in his pole. It grew quite dark, now,
+and the wind began to rise. It wailed through the swaying branches of
+the trees, and swept our decks in fitful gusts. Things were taking on an
+ugly look. The captain shouted to the steersman on the forward log:
+
+"How's she landing?"
+
+The answer came faint and hoarse from far forward:
+
+"Nor'-east-and-by-nor'--east-by-east, half-east, sir."
+
+"Let her go off a point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"What water have you got?"
+
+"Shoal, sir. Two foot large, on the stabboard, two and a half scant on
+the labboard!"
+
+"Let her go off another point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd her round the
+weather corner!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+
+
+Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting, but the
+forms of the men were lost in the darkness and the sounds were distorted
+and confused by the roaring of the wind through the shingle-bundles. By
+this time the sea was running inches high, and threatening every moment
+to engulf the frail bark. Now came the mate, hurrying aft, and said,
+close to the captain's ear, in a low, agitated voice:
+
+"Prepare for the worst, sir--we have sprung a leak!"
+
+"Heavens! where?"
+
+"Right aft the second row of logs."
+
+"Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let the men know, or there
+will be a panic and mutiny! Lay her in shore and stand by to jump with
+the stern-line the moment she touches. Gentlemen, I must look to you to
+second my endeavors in this hour of peril. You have hats--go forward and
+bail for your lives!"
+
+Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in spray and thick
+darkness. At such a moment as this, came from away forward that most
+appalling of all cries that are ever heard at sea:
+
+"MAN OVERBOARD!"
+
+The captain shouted:
+
+"Hard a-port! Never mind the man! Let him climb aboard or wade ashore!"
+
+Another cry came down the wind:
+
+"Breakers ahead!"
+
+"Where away?"
+
+"Not a log's length off her port fore-foot!"
+
+We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now bailing with the
+frenzy of despair, when we heard the mate's terrified cry, from far aft:
+
+"Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be aground!"
+
+But this was immediately followed by the glad shout:
+
+"Land aboard the starboard transom!"
+
+"Saved!" cried the captain. "Jump ashore and take a turn around a tree
+and pass the bight aboard!"
+
+The next moment we were all on shore weeping and embracing for joy,
+while the rain poured down in torrents. The captain said he had been a
+mariner for forty years on the Neckar, and in that time had seen storms
+to make a man's cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but he had never,
+never seen a storm that even approached this one. How familiar that
+sounded! For I have been at sea a good deal and have heard that remark
+from captains with a frequency accordingly.
+
+
+
+We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks and admiration
+and gratitude, and took the first opportunity to vote it, and put it
+in writing and present it to the captain, with the customary speech. We
+tramped through the darkness and the drenching summer rain full three
+miles, and reached "The Naturalist Tavern" in the village of Hirschhorn
+just an hour before midnight, almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue,
+and terror. I can never forget that night.
+
+The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be crusty and
+disobliging; he did not at all like being turned out of his warm bed to
+open his house for us. But no matter, his household got up and cooked
+a quick supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves, to keep
+off consumption. After supper and punch we had an hour's soothing smoke
+while we fought the naval battle over again and voted the resolutions;
+then we retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers upstairs that
+had clean, comfortable beds in them with heirloom pillowcases most
+elaborately and tastefully embroidered by hand.
+
+Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent in German
+village inns as they are rare in ours. Our villages are superior
+to German villages in more merits, excellences, conveniences, and
+privileges than I can enumerate, but the hotels do not belong in the
+list.
+
+"The Naturalist Tavern" was not a meaningless name; for all the halls
+and all the rooms were lined with large glass cases which were filled
+with all sorts of birds and animals, glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and set
+up in the most natural eloquent and dramatic attitudes. The moment we
+were abed, the rain cleared away and the moon came out. I dozed off to
+sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl which was looking
+intently down on me from a high perch with the air of a person who
+thought he had met me before, but could not make out for certain.
+
+
+
+But young Z did not get off so easily. He said that as he was sinking
+deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted away the shadows and developed
+a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed, but crouching, with every
+muscle tense, for a spring, and with its glittering glass eyes aimed
+straight at him. It made Z uncomfortable. He tried closing his own eyes,
+but that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept making him open
+them again to see if the cat was still getting ready to launch at
+him--which she always was. He tried turning his back, but that was a
+failure; he knew the sinister eyes were on him still. So at last he had
+to get up, after an hour or two of worry and experiment, and set the cat
+out in the hall. So he won, that time.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+[The Kindly Courtesy of Germans]
+
+
+In the morning we took breakfast in the garden, under the trees, in the
+delightful German summer fashion. The air was filled with the fragrance
+of flowers and wild animals; the living portion of the menagerie of the
+"Naturalist Tavern" was all about us. There were great cages populous
+with fluttering and chattering foreign birds, and other great cages and
+greater wire pens, populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign.
+There were some free creatures, too, and quite sociable ones they were.
+White rabbits went loping about the place, and occasionally came and
+sniffed at our shoes and shins; a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck,
+walked up and examined us fearlessly; rare breeds of chickens and doves
+begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless raven hopped about with
+a humble, shamefaced mein which said, "Please do not notice my
+exposure--think how you would feel in my circumstances, and be
+charitable." If he was observed too much, he would retire behind
+something and stay there until he judged the party's interest had found
+another object. I never have seen another dumb creature that was
+so morbidly sensitive. Bayard Taylor, who could interpret the dim
+reasonings of animals, and understood their moral natures better than
+most men, would have found some way to make this poor old chap forget
+his troubles for a while, but we have not his kindly art, and so had to
+leave the raven to his griefs.
+
+
+
+After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient castle of
+Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it. There were some curious old
+bas-reliefs leaning against the inner walls of the church--sculptured
+lords of Hirschhorn in complete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn in
+the picturesque court costumes of the Middle Ages. These things are
+suffering damage and passing to decay, for the last Hirschhorn has been
+dead two hundred years, and there is nobody now who cares to preserve
+the family relics. In the chancel was a twisted stone column, and the
+captain told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter of
+legends he could not seem to restrain himself; but I do not repeat his
+tale because there was nothing plausible about it except that the Hero
+wrenched this column into its present screw-shape with his hands --just
+one single wrench. All the rest of the legend was doubtful.
+
+But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river. Then
+the clustered brown towers perched on the green hilltop, and the old
+battlemented stone wall, stretching up and over the grassy ridge and
+disappearing in the leafy sea beyond, make a picture whose grace and
+beauty entirely satisfy the eye.
+
+We descended from the church by steep stone stairways which curved this
+way and that down narrow alleys between the packed and dirty tenements
+of the village. It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering,
+unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps and begged
+piteously. The people of the quarter were not all idiots, of course, but
+all that begged seemed to be, and were said to be.
+
+I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town, Necharsteinach; so I
+ran to the riverside in advance of the party and asked a man there if
+he had a boat to hire. I suppose I must have spoken High German--Court
+German--I intended it for that, anyway--so he did not understand me. I
+turned and twisted my question around and about, trying to strike that
+man's average, but failed. He could not make out what I wanted. Now Mr.
+X arrived, faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied this
+sentence on him, in the most glib and confident way: "Can man boat get
+here?"
+
+The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered. I can comprehend
+why he was able to understand that particular sentence, because by mere
+accident all the words in it except "get" have the same sound and the
+same meaning in German that they have in English; but how he managed to
+understand Mr. X's next remark puzzled me. I will insert it, presently.
+X turned away a moment, and I asked the mariner if he could not find
+a board, and so construct an additional seat. I spoke in the purest
+German, but I might as well have spoken in the purest Choctaw for all
+the good it did. The man tried his best to understand me; he tried, and
+kept on trying, harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use,
+and said:
+
+"There, don't strain yourself--it is of no consequence."
+
+Then X turned to him and crisply said:
+
+"MACHEN SIE a flat board."
+
+I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if the man did not answer
+up at once, and say he would go and borrow a board as soon as he had lit
+the pipe which he was filling.
+
+
+
+We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we did not have to go. I
+have given Mr. X's two remarks just as he made them. Four of the five
+words in the first one were English, and that they were also German was
+only accidental, not intentional; three out of the five words in the
+second remark were English, and English only, and the two German ones
+did not mean anything in particular, in such a connection.
+
+X always spoke English to Germans, but his plan was to turn the sentence
+wrong end first and upside down, according to German construction, and
+sprinkle in a German word without any essential meaning to it, here and
+there, by way of flavor. Yet he always made himself understood. He could
+make those dialect-speaking raftsmen understand him, sometimes, when
+even young Z had failed with them; and young Z was a pretty good German
+scholar. For one thing, X always spoke with such confidence--perhaps
+that helped. And possibly the raftsmen's dialect was what is called
+PLATT-DEUTSCH, and so they found his English more familiar to their ears
+than another man's German. Quite indifferent students of German can read
+Fritz Reuter's charming platt-Deutch tales with some little facility
+because many of the words are English. I suppose this is the tongue
+which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them. By and by I will
+inquire of some other philologist.
+
+However, in the mean time it had transpired that the men employed to
+calk the raft had found that the leak was not a leak at all, but only
+a crack between the logs--a crack that belonged there, and was not
+dangerous, but had been magnified into a leak by the disordered
+imagination of the mate. Therefore we went aboard again with a good
+degree of confidence, and presently got to sea without accident. As we
+swam smoothly along between the enchanting shores, we fell to swapping
+notes about manners and customs in Germany and elsewhere.
+
+As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us, by
+observing and noting and inquiring, diligently and day by day, had
+managed to lay in a most varied and opulent stock of misinformation. But
+this is not surprising; it is very difficult to get accurate details in
+any country. For example, I had the idea once, in Heidelberg, to find
+out all about those five student-corps. I started with the White Cap
+corps. I began to inquire of this and that and the other citizen, and
+here is what I found out:
+
+1. It is called the Prussian Corps, because none but Prussians are
+admitted to it.
+
+2. It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular reason. It has
+simply pleased each corps to name itself after some German state.
+
+3. It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but only the White Cap
+Corps.
+
+4. Any student can belong to it who is a German by birth.
+
+5. Any student can belong to it who is European by birth.
+
+6. Any European-born student can belong to it, except he be a Frenchman.
+
+7. Any student can belong to it, no matter where he was born.
+
+8. No student can belong to it who is not of noble blood.
+
+9. No student can belong to it who cannot show three full generations of
+noble descent.
+
+10. Nobility is not a necessary qualification.
+
+11. No moneyless student can belong to it.
+
+12. Money qualification is nonsense--such a thing has never been thought
+of.
+
+I got some of this information from students themselves--students who
+did not belong to the corps.
+
+I finally went to headquarters--to the White Caps--where I would
+have gone in the first place if I had been acquainted. But even at
+headquarters I found difficulties; I perceived that there were things
+about the White Cap Corps which one member knew and another one didn't.
+It was natural; for very few members of any organization know ALL that
+can be known about it. I doubt there is a man or a woman in Heidelberg
+who would not answer promptly and confidently three out of every five
+questions about the White Cap Corps which a stranger might ask; yet
+it is a very safe bet that two of the three answers would be incorrect
+every time.
+
+There is one German custom which is universal--the bowing courteously
+to strangers when sitting down at table or rising up from it. This
+bow startles a stranger out of his self-possession, the first time
+it occurs, and he is likely to fall over a chair or something, in his
+embarrassment, but it pleases him, nevertheless. One soon learns to
+expect this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it; but to
+learn to lead off and make the initial bow one's self is a difficult
+matter for a diffident man. One thinks, "If I rise to go, and tender my
+bow, and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads to ignore
+the custom of their nation, and not return it, how shall I feel, in case
+I survive to feel anything." Therefore he is afraid to venture. He sits
+out the dinner, and makes the strangers rise first and originate the
+bowing. A table d'hôte dinner is a tedious affair for a man who seldom
+touches anything after the three first courses; therefore I used to do
+some pretty dreary waiting because of my fears. It took me months to
+assure myself that those fears were groundless, but I did assure myself
+at last by experimenting diligently through my agent. I made Harris get
+up and bow and leave; invariably his bow was returned, then I got up and
+bowed myself and retired.
+
+
+
+Thus my education proceeded easily and comfortably for me, but not for
+Harris. Three courses of a table d'hôte dinner were enough for me, but
+Harris preferred thirteen.
+
+Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no longer needed the
+agent's help, I sometimes encountered difficulties. Once at Baden-Baden
+I nearly lost a train because I could not be sure that three young
+ladies opposite me at table were Germans, since I had not heard them
+speak; they might be American, they might be English, it was not safe
+to venture a bow; but just as I had got that far with my thought, one of
+them began a German remark, to my great relief and gratitude; and before
+she got out her third word, our bows had been delivered and graciously
+returned, and we were off.
+
+There is a friendly something about the German character which is very
+winning. When Harris and I were making a pedestrian tour through the
+Black Forest, we stopped at a little country inn for dinner one day;
+two young ladies and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us.
+They were pedestrians, too. Our knapsacks were strapped upon our backs,
+but they had a sturdy youth along to carry theirs for them. All parties
+were hungry, so there was no talking. By and by the usual bows were
+exchanged, and we separated.
+
+As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen, next
+morning, these young people entered and took places near us without
+observing us; but presently they saw us and at once bowed and smiled;
+not ceremoniously, but with the gratified look of people who have found
+acquaintances where they were expecting strangers. Then they spoke of
+the weather and the roads. We also spoke of the weather and the roads.
+Next, they said they had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the
+weather. We said that that had been our case, too. Then they said they
+had walked thirty English miles the day before, and asked how many we
+had walked. I could not lie, so I told Harris to do it. Harris told
+them we had made thirty English miles, too. That was true; we had "made"
+them, though we had had a little assistance here and there.
+
+After breakfast they found us trying to blast some information out
+of the dumb hotel clerk about routes, and observing that we were not
+succeeding pretty well, they went and got their maps and things, and
+pointed out and explained our course so clearly that even a New York
+detective could have followed it. And when we started they spoke out a
+hearty good-by and wished us a pleasant journey. Perhaps they were more
+generous with us than they might have been with native wayfarers because
+we were a forlorn lot and in a strange land; I don't know; I only know
+it was lovely to be treated so.
+
+Very well, I took an American young lady to one of the fine balls in
+Baden-Baden, one night, and at the entrance-door upstairs we were halted
+by an official--something about Miss Jones's dress was not according to
+rule; I don't remember what it was, now; something was wanting--her back
+hair, or a shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something. The official was
+ever so polite, and ever so sorry, but the rule was strict, and he could
+not let us in. It was very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us. But
+now a richly dressed girl stepped out of the ballroom, inquired into the
+trouble, and said she could fix it in a moment. She took Miss Jones to
+the robing-room, and soon brought her back in regulation trim, and then
+we entered the ballroom with this benefactress unchallenged.
+
+
+
+Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere but ungrammatical
+thanks, when there was a sudden mutual recognition --the benefactress
+and I had met at Allerheiligen. Two weeks had not altered her good face,
+and plainly her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such
+a difference between these clothes and the clothes I had seen her in
+before, when she was walking thirty miles a day in the Black Forest,
+that it was quite natural that I had failed to recognize her sooner. I
+had on MY other suit, too, but my German would betray me to a person who
+had heard it once, anyway. She brought her brother and sister, and they
+made our way smooth for that evening.
+
+Well--months afterward, I was driving through the streets of Munich in a
+cab with a German lady, one day, when she said:
+
+"There, that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walking along there."
+
+Everybody was bowing to them--cabmen, little children, and everybody
+else--and they were returning all the bows and overlooking nobody, when
+a young lady met them and made a deep courtesy.
+
+"That is probably one of the ladies of the court," said my German
+friend.
+
+I said:
+
+"She is an honor to it, then. I know her. I don't know her name, but I
+know HER. I have known her at Allerheiligen and Baden-Baden. She ought
+to be an Empress, but she may be only a Duchess; it is the way things go
+in this way."
+
+If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite sure to get a
+civil answer. If you stop a German in the street and ask him to direct
+you to a certain place, he shows no sign of feeling offended. If the
+place be difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own matters
+and go with you and show you.
+
+In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several blocks with
+me to show me my way.
+
+There is something very real about this sort of politeness. Quite often,
+in Germany, shopkeepers who could not furnish me the article I wanted
+have sent one of their employees with me to show me a place where it
+could be had.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+[The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg]
+
+
+However, I wander from the raft. We made the port of Necharsteinach in
+good season, and went to the hotel and ordered a trout dinner, the same
+to be ready against our return from a two-hour pedestrian excursion to
+the village and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant, on the other side
+of the river. I do not mean that we proposed to be two hours making two
+miles--no, we meant to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg.
+
+For Dilsberg is a quaint place. It is most quaintly and picturesquely
+situated, too. Imagine the beautiful river before you; then a few rods
+of brilliant green sward on its opposite shore; then a sudden hill--no
+preparatory gently rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous hill--a
+hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high, as round as a
+bowl, with the same taper upward that an inverted bowl has, and with
+about the same relation of height to diameter that distinguishes a
+bowl of good honest depth--a hill which is thickly clothed with green
+bushes--a comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly out of the dead level
+of the surrounding green plains, visible from a great distance down the
+bends of the river, and with just exactly room on the top of its head
+for its steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap of architecture,
+which same is tightly jammed and compacted within the perfectly round
+hoop of the ancient village wall.
+
+There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill, or any vestige of
+a former house; all the houses are inside the wall, but there isn't room
+for another one. It is really a finished town, and has been finished a
+very long time. There is no space between the wall and the first circle
+of buildings; no, the village wall is itself the rear wall of the first
+circle of buildings, and the roofs jut a little over the wall and
+thus furnish it with eaves. The general level of the massed roofs is
+gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating towers of the ruined
+castle and the tall spires of a couple of churches; so, from a distance
+Dilsberg has rather more the look of a king's crown than a cap. That
+lofty green eminence and its quaint coronet form quite a striking
+picture, you may be sure, in the flush of the evening sun.
+
+
+
+We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow, steep path
+which plunged us at once into the leafy deeps of the bushes. But they
+were not cool deeps by any means, for the sun's rays were weltering hot
+and there was little or no breeze to temper them. As we panted up the
+sharp ascent, we met brown, bareheaded and barefooted boys and girls,
+occasionally, and sometimes men; they came upon us without warning, they
+gave us good day, flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone
+as suddenly and mysteriously as they had come. They were bound for the
+other side of the river to work. This path had been traveled by many
+generations of these people. They have always gone down to the valley to
+earn their bread, but they have always climbed their hill again to eat
+it, and to sleep in their snug town.
+
+
+
+It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much; they find that
+living up there above the world, in their peaceful nest, is pleasanter
+than living down in the troublous world. The seven hundred inhabitants
+are all blood-kin to each other, too; they have always been blood-kin to
+each other for fifteen hundred years; they are simply one large family,
+and they like the home folks better than they like strangers, hence they
+persistently stay at home. It has been said that for ages Dilsberg
+has been merely a thriving and diligent idiot-factory. I saw no idiots
+there, but the captain said, "Because of late years the government has
+taken to lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres; and government
+wants to cripple the factory, too, and is trying to get these
+Dilsbergers to marry out of the family, but they don't like to."
+
+The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science denies that
+the intermarrying of relatives deteriorates the stock.
+
+Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village sights and life. We
+moved along a narrow, crooked lane which had been paved in the Middle
+Ages. A strapping, ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in
+a little bit of a good-box of a barn, and she swung her flail with a
+will--if it was a flail; I was not farmer enough to know what she was
+at; a frowsy, barelegged girl was herding half a dozen geese with
+a stick--driving them along the lane and keeping them out of the
+dwellings; a cooper was at work in a shop which I know he did not make
+so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room. In the front
+rooms of dwellings girls and women were cooking or spinning, and ducks
+and chickens were waddling in and out, over the threshold, picking up
+chance crumbs and holding pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled
+man sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast and his
+extinguished pipe in his lap; soiled children were playing in the dirt
+everywhere along the lane, unmindful of the sun.
+
+
+
+Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work, but the place was
+very still and peaceful, nevertheless; so still that the distant
+cackle of the successful hen smote upon the ear but little dulled
+by intervening sounds. That commonest of village sights was lacking
+here--the public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of limpid
+water, and its group of gossiping pitcher-bearers; for there is no well
+or fountain or spring on this tall hill; cisterns of rain-water are
+used.
+
+Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention, and as we moved
+through the village we gathered a considerable procession of little boys
+and girls, and so went in some state to the castle. It proved to be an
+extensive pile of crumbling walls, arches, and towers, massive, properly
+grouped for picturesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfactory.
+The children acted as guides; they walked us along the top of the
+highest walls, then took us up into a high tower and showed us a wide
+and beautiful landscape, made up of wavy distances of woody hills, and
+a nearer prospect of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one
+hand, and castle-graced crags and ridges on the other, with the shining
+curves of the Neckar flowing between. But the principal show, the chief
+pride of the children, was the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown
+court of the castle. Its massive stone curb stands up three or four feet
+above-ground, and is whole and uninjured. The children said that in the
+Middle Ages this well was four hundred feet deep, and furnished all the
+village with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace. They said
+that in the old day its bottom was below the level of the Neckar, hence
+the water-supply was inexhaustible.
+
+But there were some who believed it had never been a well at all, and
+was never deeper than it is now--eighty feet; that at that depth a
+subterranean passage branched from it and descended gradually to a
+remote place in the valley, where it opened into somebody's cellar or
+other hidden recess, and that the secret of this locality is now lost.
+Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the explanation that
+Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and many a soldier before him, was
+never taken: after the longest and closest sieges the besiegers were
+astonished to perceive that the besieged were as fat and hearty as ever,
+and were well furnished with munitions of war--therefore it must be
+that the Dilsbergers had been bringing these things in through the
+subterranean passage all the time.
+
+The children said that there was in truth a subterranean outlet down
+there, and they would prove it. So they set a great truss of straw on
+fire and threw it down the well, while we leaned on the curb and watched
+the glowing mass descend. It struck bottom and gradually burned out. No
+smoke came up. The children clapped their hands and said:
+
+"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as burning straw--now where did
+the smoke go to, if there is no subterranean outlet?"
+
+
+
+So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean outlet indeed existed.
+But the finest thing within the ruin's limits was a noble linden, which
+the children said was four hundred years old, and no doubt it was. It
+had a mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage. The limbs
+near the ground were nearly the thickness of a barrel.
+
+That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in mail--how remote such a
+time seems, and how ungraspable is the fact that real men ever did fight
+in real armor!--and it had seen the time when these broken arches and
+crumbling battlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress,
+fluttering its gay banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous
+humanity--how impossibly long ago that seems!--and here it stands yet,
+and possibly may still be standing here, sunning itself and dreaming its
+historical dreams, when today shall have been joined to the days called
+"ancient."
+
+Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the captain delivered
+himself of his legend: THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE It was to this
+effect. In the old times there was once a great company assembled at the
+castle, and festivity ran high. Of course there was a haunted chamber
+in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon that. It was said that
+whoever slept in it would not wake again for fifty years. Now when a
+young knight named Conrad von Geisberg heard this, he said that if the
+castle were his he would destroy that chamber, so that no foolish person
+might have the chance to bring so dreadful a misfortune upon himself
+and afflict such as loved him with the memory of it. Straightway, the
+company privately laid their heads together to contrive some way to get
+this superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber.
+
+And they succeeded--in this way. They persuaded his betrothed, a lovely
+mischievous young creature, niece of the lord of the castle, to help
+them in their plot. She presently took him aside and had speech with
+him. She used all her persuasions, but could not shake him; he said his
+belief was firm, that if he should sleep there he would wake no more for
+fifty years, and it made him shudder to think of it. Catharina began to
+weep. This was a better argument; Conrad could not hold out against it.
+He yielded and said she should have her wish if she would only smile and
+be happy again. She flung her arms about his neck, and the kisses she
+gave him showed that her thankfulness and her pleasure were very real.
+Then she flew to tell the company her success, and the applause she
+received made her glad and proud she had undertaken her mission, since
+all alone she had accomplished what the multitude had failed in.
+
+At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting, Conrad was taken to
+the haunted chamber and left there. He fell asleep, by and by.
+
+When he awoke again and looked about him, his heart stood still with
+horror! The whole aspect of the chamber was changed. The walls were
+moldy and hung with ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were
+rotten; the furniture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces. He sprang
+out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk under him and he fell to the
+floor.
+
+"This is the weakness of age," he said.
+
+He rose and sought his clothing. It was clothing no longer. The colors
+were gone, the garments gave way in many places while he was putting
+them on. He fled, shuddering, into the corridor, and along it to
+the great hall. Here he was met by a middle-aged stranger of a kind
+countenance, who stopped and gazed at him with surprise. Conrad said:
+
+"Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrich?"
+
+The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said:
+
+"The lord Ulrich?"
+
+"Yes--if you will be so good."
+
+
+
+The stranger called--"Wilhelm!" A young serving-man came, and the
+stranger said to him:
+
+"Is there a lord Ulrich among the guests?"
+
+"I know none of the name, so please your honor."
+
+Conrad said, hesitatingly:
+
+"I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the castle, sir."
+
+The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering glances. Then the
+former said:
+
+"I am the lord of the castle."
+
+"Since when, sir?"
+
+"Since the death of my father, the good lord Ulrich more than forty
+years ago."
+
+Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his hands while he
+rocked his body to and fro and moaned. The stranger said in a low voice
+to the servant:
+
+"I fear me this poor old creature is mad. Call some one."
+
+In a moment several people came, and grouped themselves about, talking
+in whispers. Conrad looked up and scanned the faces about him wistfully.
+
+Then he shook his head and said, in a grieved voice:
+
+"No, there is none among ye that I know. I am old and alone in the
+world. They are dead and gone these many years that cared for me. But
+sure, some of these aged ones I see about me can tell me some little
+word or two concerning them."
+
+Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer and answered his
+questions about each former friend as he mentioned the names. This one
+they said had been dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty. Each
+succeeding blow struck heavier and heavier. At last the sufferer said:
+
+"There is one more, but I have not the courage to--O my lost Catharina!"
+
+One of the old dames said:
+
+"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul. A misfortune overtook her lover, and
+she died of sorrow nearly fifty years ago. She lieth under the linden
+tree without the court."
+
+Conrad bowed his head and said:
+
+"Ah, why did I ever wake! And so she died of grief for me, poor child.
+So young, so sweet, so good! She never wittingly did a hurtful thing in
+all the little summer of her life. Her loving debt shall be repaid--for
+I will die of grief for her."
+
+His head drooped upon his breast. In the moment there was a wild burst
+of joyous laughter, a pair of round young arms were flung about Conrad's
+neck and a sweet voice cried:
+
+"There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill me--the farce shall go no
+further! Look up, and laugh with us--'twas all a jest!"
+
+And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed wonderment--for the disguises
+were stripped away, and the aged men and women were bright and young and
+gay again. Catharina's happy tongue ran on:
+
+"'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out. They gave you a heavy
+sleeping-draught before you went to bed, and in the night they bore you
+to a ruined chamber where all had fallen to decay, and placed these rags
+of clothing by you. And when your sleep was spent and you came forth,
+two strangers, well instructed in their parts, were here to meet you;
+and all we, your friends, in our disguises, were close at hand, to see
+and hear, you may be sure. Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now, and make
+thee ready for the pleasures of the day. How real was thy misery for the
+moment, thou poor lad! Look up and have thy laugh, now!"
+
+He looked up, searched the merry faces about him in a dreamy way, then
+sighed and said:
+
+
+
+"I am aweary, good strangers, I pray you lead me to her grave."
+
+All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched, Catharina sunk to the
+ground in a swoon.
+
+All day the people went about the castle with troubled faces, and
+communed together in undertones. A painful hush pervaded the place which
+had lately been so full of cheery life. Each in his turn tried to arouse
+Conrad out of his hallucination and bring him to himself; but all the
+answer any got was a meek, bewildered stare, and then the words:
+
+"Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest these many years;
+ye speak me fair, ye mean me well, but I know ye not; I am alone and
+forlorn in the world--prithee lead me to her grave."
+
+During two years Conrad spent his days, from the early morning till the
+night, under the linden tree, mourning over the imaginary grave of his
+Catharina. Catharina was the only company of the harmless madman. He was
+very friendly toward her because, as he said, in some ways she reminded
+him of his Catharina whom he had lost "fifty years ago." He often said:
+
+"She was so gay, so happy-hearted--but you never smile; and always when
+you think I am not looking, you cry."
+
+When Conrad died, they buried him under the linden, according to his
+directions, so that he might rest "near his poor Catharina." Then
+Catharina sat under the linden alone, every day and all day long, a
+great many years, speaking to no one, and never smiling; and at last her
+long repentance was rewarded with death, and she was buried by Conrad's
+side.
+
+Harris pleased the captain by saying it was good legend; and pleased him
+further by adding:
+
+"Now that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous with its four hundred
+years, I feel a desire to believe the legend for ITS sake; so I will
+humor the desire, and consider that the tree really watches over those
+poor hearts and feels a sort of human tenderness for them."
+
+We returned to Necharsteinach, plunged our hot heads into the trough at
+the town pump, and then went to the hotel and ate our trout dinner in
+leisurely comfort, in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing at
+our feet, the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and the graceful towers
+and battlements of a couple of medieval castles (called the "Swallow's
+Nest" [1] and "The Brothers.") assisting the rugged scenery of a bend
+of the river down to our right. We got to sea in season to make the
+eight-mile run to Heidelberg before the night shut down. We sailed by
+the hotel in the mellow glow of sunset, and came slashing down with
+the mad current into the narrow passage between the dikes. I believed I
+could shoot the bridge myself, and I went to the forward triplet of logs
+and relieved the pilot of his pole and his responsibility.
+
+   1. The seeker after information is referred to Appendix E
+  for our captain's legend of the "Swallow's Nest" and
+  "The Brothers."
+
+
+
+We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, and I performed the
+delicate duties of my office very well indeed for a first attempt;
+but perceiving, presently, that I really was going to shoot the bridge
+itself instead of the archway under it, I judiciously stepped ashore.
+The next moment I had my long-coveted desire: I saw a raft wrecked. It
+hit the pier in the center and went all to smash and scatteration like a
+box of matches struck by lightning.
+
+
+
+I was the only one of our party who saw this grand sight; the others
+were attitudinizing, for the benefit of the long rank of young ladies
+who were promenading on the bank, and so they lost it. But I helped to
+fish them out of the river, down below the bridge, and then described it
+to them as well as I could.
+
+They were not interested, though. They said they were wet and felt
+ridiculous and did not care anything for descriptions of scenery. The
+young ladies, and other people, crowded around and showed a great deal
+of sympathy, but that did not help matters; for my friends said they did
+not want sympathy, they wanted a back alley and solitude.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+[My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug]
+
+
+Next morning brought good news--our trunks had arrived from Hamburg
+at last. Let this be a warning to the reader. The Germans are very
+conscientious, and this trait makes them very particular. Therefore if
+you tell a German you want a thing done immediately, he takes you
+at your word; he thinks you mean what you say; so he does that thing
+immediately--according to his idea of immediately--which is about a
+week; that is, it is a week if it refers to the building of a garment,
+or it is an hour and a half if it refers to the cooking of a trout. Very
+well; if you tell a German to send your trunk to you by "slow freight,"
+he takes you at your word; he sends it by "slow freight," and you
+cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarging your admiration of the
+expressiveness of that phrase in the German tongue, before you get that
+trunk. The hair on my trunk was soft and thick and youthful, when I
+got it ready for shipment in Hamburg; it was baldheaded when it reached
+Heidelberg. However, it was still sound, that was a comfort, it was
+not battered in the least; the baggagemen seemed to be conscientiously
+careful, in Germany, of the baggage entrusted to their hands. There
+was nothing now in the way of our departure, therefore we set about our
+preparations.
+
+Naturally my chief solicitude was about my collection of Ceramics. Of
+course I could not take it with me, that would be inconvenient, and
+dangerous besides. I took advice, but the best brick-a-brackers were
+divided as to the wisest course to pursue; some said pack the collection
+and warehouse it; others said try to get it into the Grand Ducal Museum
+at Mannheim for safe keeping. So I divided the collection, and followed
+the advice of both parties. I set aside, for the Museum, those articles
+which were the most frail and precious.
+
+Among these was my Etruscan tear-jug. I have made a little sketch of
+it here; that thing creeping up the side is not a bug, it is a hole.
+I bought this tear-jug of a dealer in antiquities for four hundred and
+fifty dollars. It is very rare. The man said the Etruscans used to keep
+tears or something in these things, and that it was very hard to get
+hold of a broken one, now.
+
+
+
+I also set aside my Henri II. plate. See sketch from my pencil; it is
+in the main correct, though I think I have foreshortened one end of it
+a little too much, perhaps. This is very fine and rare; the shape is
+exceedingly beautiful and unusual. It has wonderful decorations on it,
+but I am not able to reproduce them. It cost more than the tear-jug, as
+the dealer said there was not another plate just like it in the
+world. He said there was much false Henri II ware around, but that the
+genuineness of this piece was unquestionable.
+
+
+
+He showed me its pedigree, or its history, if you please; it was a
+document which traced this plate's movements all the way down from its
+birth--showed who bought it, from whom, and what he paid for it--from
+the first buyer down to me, whereby I saw that it had gone steadily up
+from thirty-five cents to seven hundred dollars. He said that the whole
+Ceramic world would be informed that it was now in my possession and
+would make a note of it, with the price paid. [Figure 8]
+
+There were Masters in those days, but, alas--it is not so now. Of course
+the main preciousness of this piece lies in its color; it is that old
+sensuous, pervading, ramifying, interpolating, transboreal blue which is
+the despair of modern art. The little sketch which I have made of this
+gem cannot and does not do it justice, since I have been obliged to
+leave out the color. But I've got the expression, though.
+
+
+
+However, I must not be frittering away the reader's time with these
+details. I did not intend to go into any detail at all, at first, but
+it is the failing of the true ceramiker, or the true devotee in any
+department of brick-a-brackery, that once he gets his tongue or his pen
+started on his darling theme, he cannot well stop until he drops from
+exhaustion. He has no more sense of the flight of time than has any
+other lover when talking of his sweetheart. The very "marks" on the
+bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering
+ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning relative to help dispute about
+whether the stopple of a departed Buon Retiro scent-bottle was genuine
+or spurious.
+
+
+
+Many people say that for a male person, bric-a-brac hunting is about as
+robust a business as making doll-clothes, or decorating Japanese pots
+with decalcomania butterflies would be, and these people fling mud at
+the elegant Englishman, Byng, who wrote a book called THE BRIC-A-BRAC
+HUNTER, and make fun of him for chasing around after what they choose to
+call "his despicable trifles"; and for "gushing" over these trifles;
+and for exhibiting his "deep infantile delight" in what they call his
+"tuppenny collection of beggarly trivialities"; and for beginning his
+book with a picture of himself seated, in a "sappy, self-complacent
+attitude, in the midst of his poor little ridiculous bric-a-brac junk
+shop."
+
+It is easy to say these things; it is easy to revile us, easy to despise
+us; therefore, let these people rail on; they cannot feel as Byng and
+I feel--it is their loss, not ours. For my part I am content to be a
+brick-a-bracker and a ceramiker--more, I am proud to be so named. I am
+proud to know that I lose my reason as immediately in the presence of a
+rare jug with an illustrious mark on the bottom of it, as if I had
+just emptied that jug. Very well; I packed and stored a part of my
+collection, and the rest of it I placed in the care of the Grand Ducal
+Museum in Mannheim, by permission. My Old Blue China Cat remains there
+yet. I presented it to that excellent institution.
+
+
+
+I had but one misfortune with my things. An egg which I had kept back
+from breakfast that morning, was broken in packing. It was a great pity.
+I had shown it to the best connoisseurs in Heidelberg, and they all said
+it was an antique. We spent a day or two in farewell visits, and then
+left for Baden-Baden. We had a pleasant trip to it, for the Rhine valley
+is always lovely. The only trouble was that the trip was too short. If
+I remember rightly it only occupied a couple of hours, therefore I judge
+that the distance was very little, if any, over fifty miles. We
+quitted the train at Oos, and walked the entire remaining distance to
+Baden-Baden, with the exception of a lift of less than an hour which
+we got on a passing wagon, the weather being exhaustingly warm. We came
+into town on foot.
+
+One of the first persons we encountered, as we walked up the street,
+was the Rev. Mr. ------, an old friend from America--a lucky encounter,
+indeed, for his is a most gentle, refined, and sensitive nature, and his
+company and companionship are a genuine refreshment. We knew he had been
+in Europe some time, but were not at all expecting to run across him.
+Both parties burst forth into loving enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr. ------
+said:
+
+"I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour out on you, and an empty
+one ready and thirsting to receive what you have got; we will sit up
+till midnight and have a good satisfying interchange, for I leave here
+early in the morning." We agreed to that, of course.
+
+I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a person who was walking
+in the street abreast of us; I had glanced furtively at him once or
+twice, and noticed that he was a fine, large, vigorous young fellow,
+with an open, independent countenance, faintly shaded with a pale and
+even almost imperceptible crop of early down, and that he was clothed
+from head to heel in cool and enviable snow-white linen. I thought I had
+also noticed that his head had a sort of listening tilt to it. Now about
+this time the Rev. Mr. ------ said:
+
+"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, so I will walk behind;
+but keep the talk going, keep the talk going, there's no time to lose,
+and you may be sure I will do my share." He ranged himself behind us,
+and straightway that stately snow-white young fellow closed up to the
+sidewalk alongside him, fetched him a cordial slap on the shoulder with
+his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeriness:
+
+"AMERICANS for two-and-a-half and the money up! HEY?"
+
+The Reverend winced, but said mildly:
+
+"Yes--we are Americans."
+
+"Lord love you, you can just bet that's what _I_ am, every time! Put it
+there!"
+
+
+
+He held out his Sahara of his palm, and the Reverend laid his diminutive
+hand in it, and got so cordial a shake that we heard his glove burst
+under it.
+
+"Say, didn't I put you up right?"
+
+"Oh, yes."
+
+"Sho! I spotted you for MY kind the minute I heard your clack. You been
+over here long?"
+
+"About four months. Have you been over long?"
+
+"LONG? Well, I should say so! Going on two YEARS, by geeminy! Say, are
+you homesick?"
+
+"No, I can't say that I am. Are you?"
+
+"Oh, HELL, yes!" This with immense enthusiasm.
+
+The Reverend shrunk a little, in his clothes, and we were aware, rather
+by instinct than otherwise, that he was throwing out signals of distress
+to us; but we did not interfere or try to succor him, for we were quite
+happy.
+
+The young fellow hooked his arm into the Reverend's, now, with the
+confiding and grateful air of a waif who has been longing for a friend,
+and a sympathetic ear, and a chance to lisp once more the sweet accents
+of the mother-tongue--and then he limbered up the muscles of his mouth
+and turned himself loose--and with such a relish! Some of his words were
+not Sunday-school words, so I am obliged to put blanks where they occur.
+
+"Yes indeedy! If _I_ ain't an American there AIN'T any Americans, that's
+all. And when I heard you fellows gassing away in the good old American
+language, I'm ------ if it wasn't all I could do to keep from hugging
+you! My tongue's all warped with trying to curl it around these ------
+forsaken wind-galled nine-jointed German words here; now I TELL you it's
+awful good to lay it over a Christian word once more and kind of let the
+old taste soak it. I'm from western New York. My name is Cholley Adams.
+I'm a student, you know. Been here going on two years. I'm learning to
+be a horse-doctor! I LIKE that part of it, you know, but ------these
+people, they won't learn a fellow in his own language, they make him
+learn in German; so before I could tackle the horse-doctoring I had to
+tackle this miserable language.
+
+"First off, I thought it would certainly give me the botts, but I don't
+mind now. I've got it where the hair's short, I think; and dontchuknow,
+they made me learn Latin, too. Now between you and me, I wouldn't give a
+------for all the Latin that was ever jabbered; and the first thing _I_
+calculate to do when I get through, is to just sit down and forget it.
+'Twon't take me long, and I don't mind the time, anyway. And I tell
+you what! the difference between school-teaching over yonder and
+school-teaching over here--sho! WE don't know anything about it! Here
+you've got to peg and peg and peg and there just ain't any let-up--and
+what you learn here, you've got to KNOW, dontchuknow --or else you'll
+have one of these ------ spavined, spectacles, ring-boned, knock-kneed
+old professors in your hair. I've been here long ENOUGH, and I'm getting
+blessed tired of it, mind I TELL you. The old man wrote me that he was
+coming over in June, and said he'd take me home in August, whether I was
+done with my education or not, but durn him, he didn't come; never said
+why; just sent me a hamper of Sunday-school books, and told me to
+be good, and hold on a while. I don't take to Sunday-school books,
+dontchuknow--I don't hanker after them when I can get pie--but I READ
+them, anyway, because whatever the old man tells me to do, that's the
+thing that I'm a-going to DO, or tear something, you know. I buckled
+in and read all those books, because he wanted me to; but that kind of
+thing don't excite ME, I like something HEARTY. But I'm awful homesick.
+I'm homesick from ear-socket to crupper, and from crupper to hock-joint;
+but it ain't any use, I've got to stay here, till the old man drops the
+rag and give the word--yes, SIR, right here in this ------ country
+I've got to linger till the old man says COME!--and you bet your bottom
+dollar, Johnny, it AIN'T just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins!"
+
+At the end of this profane and cordial explosion he fetched a prodigious
+"WHOOSH!" to relieve his lungs and make recognition of the heat, and
+then he straightway dived into his narrative again for "Johnny's"
+benefit, beginning, "Well, ------it ain't any use talking, some of those
+old American words DO have a kind of a bully swing to them; a man
+can EXPRESS himself with 'em--a man can get at what he wants to SAY,
+dontchuknow."
+
+
+
+When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he was about to lose the
+Reverend, he showed so much sorrow, and begged so hard and so earnestly
+that the Reverend's heart was not hard enough to hold out against the
+pleadings--so he went away with the parent-honoring student, like a
+right Christian, and took supper with him in his lodgings, and sat in
+the surf-beat of his slang and profanity till near midnight, and then
+left him--left him pretty well talked out, but grateful "clear down
+to his frogs," as he expressed it. The Reverend said it had transpired
+during the interview that "Cholley" Adams's father was an extensive
+dealer in horses in western New York; this accounted for Cholley's
+choice of a profession. The Reverend brought away a pretty high opinion
+of Cholley as a manly young fellow, with stuff in him for a useful
+citizen; he considered him rather a rough gem, but a gem, nevertheless.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+[Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans]
+
+
+Baden-Baden sits in the lap of the hills, and the natural and artificial
+beauties of the surroundings are combined effectively and charmingly.
+The level strip of ground which stretches through and beyond the town is
+laid out in handsome pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees and adorned
+at intervals with lofty and sparkling fountain-jets. Thrice a day a fine
+band makes music in the public promenade before the Conversation
+House, and in the afternoon and evening that locality is populous with
+fashionably dressed people of both sexes, who march back and forth past
+the great music-stand and look very much bored, though they make a
+show of feeling otherwise. It seems like a rather aimless and stupid
+existence. A good many of these people are there for a real purpose,
+however; they are racked with rheumatism, and they are there to stew it
+out in the hot baths. These invalids looked melancholy enough, limping
+about on their canes and crutches, and apparently brooding over all
+sorts of cheerless things. People say that Germany, with her damp stone
+houses, is the home of rheumatism. If that is so, Providence must have
+foreseen that it would be so, and therefore filled the land with the
+healing baths. Perhaps no other country is so generously supplied with
+medicinal springs as Germany. Some of these baths are good for one
+ailment, some for another; and again, peculiar ailments are conquered
+by combining the individual virtues of several different baths. For
+instance, for some forms of disease, the patient drinks the native hot
+water of Baden-Baden, with a spoonful of salt from the Carlsbad springs
+dissolved in it. That is not a dose to be forgotten right away.
+
+They don't SELL this hot water; no, you go into the great Trinkhalle,
+and stand around, first on one foot and then on the other, while two or
+three young girls sit pottering at some sort of ladylike sewing-work
+in your neighborhood and can't seem to see you --polite as three-dollar
+clerks in government offices.
+
+
+
+By and by one of these rises painfully, and "stretches"--stretches fists
+and body heavenward till she raises her heels from the floor, at the
+same time refreshing herself with a yawn of such comprehensiveness that
+the bulk of her face disappears behind her upper lip and one is able to
+see how she is constructed inside--then she slowly closes her
+cavern, brings down her fists and her heels, comes languidly forward,
+contemplates you contemptuously, draws you a glass of hot water and sets
+it down where you can get it by reaching for it. You take it and say:
+
+"How much?"--and she returns you, with elaborate indifference, a
+beggar's answer:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE" (what you please.)
+
+This thing of using the common beggar's trick and the common beggar's
+shibboleth to put you on your liberality when you were expecting a
+simple straightforward commercial transaction, adds a little to your
+prospering sense of irritation. You ignore her reply, and ask again:
+
+"How much?"
+
+--and she calmly, indifferently, repeats:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+You are getting angry, but you are trying not to show it; you resolve
+to keep on asking your question till she changes her answer, or at least
+her annoyingly indifferent manner. Therefore, if your case be like mine,
+you two fools stand there, and without perceptible emotion of any kind,
+or any emphasis on any syllable, you look blandly into each other's
+eyes, and hold the following idiotic conversation:
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+I do not know what another person would have done, but at this point I
+gave up; that cast-iron indifference, that tranquil contemptuousness,
+conquered me, and I struck my colors. Now I knew she was used to
+receiving about a penny from manly people who care nothing about the
+opinions of scullery-maids, and about tuppence from moral cowards; but
+I laid a silver twenty-five cent piece within her reach and tried to
+shrivel her up with this sarcastic speech:
+
+"If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently from your official
+dignity to say so?"
+
+She did not shrivel. Without deigning to look at me at all, she
+languidly lifted the coin and bit it!--to see if it was good. Then she
+turned her back and placidly waddled to her former roost again, tossing
+the money into an open till as she went along. She was victor to the
+last, you see.
+
+
+
+I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl because they are typical;
+her manners are the manners of a goodly number of the Baden-Baden
+shopkeepers. The shopkeeper there swindles you if he can, and insults
+you whether he succeeds in swindling you or not. The keepers of baths
+also take great and patient pains to insult you. The frowsy woman who
+sat at the desk in the lobby of the great Friederichsbad and sold bath
+tickets, not only insulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity
+to her great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat me out of a
+shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled her to ten. Baden-Baden's
+splendid gamblers are gone, only her microscopic knaves remain.
+
+
+
+An English gentleman who had been living there several years, said:
+
+"If you could disguise your nationality, you would not find any
+insolence here. These shopkeepers detest the English and despise the
+Americans; they are rude to both, more especially to ladies of your
+nationality and mine. If these go shopping without a gentleman or
+a man-servant, they are tolerably sure to be subjected to petty
+insolences--insolences of manner and tone, rather than word, though
+words that are hard to bear are not always wanting. I know of an
+instance where a shopkeeper tossed a coin back to an American lady with
+the remark, snappishly uttered, 'We don't take French money here.' And
+I know of a case where an English lady said to one of these shopkeepers,
+'Don't you think you ask too much for this article?' and he replied with
+the question, 'Do you think you are obliged to buy it?' However, these
+people are not impolite to Russians or Germans. And as to rank, they
+worship that, for they have long been used to generals and nobles. If
+you wish to see what abysses servility can descend, present yourself
+before a Baden-Baden shopkeeper in the character of a Russian prince."
+
+It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty fraud, and snobbery,
+but the baths are good. I spoke with many people, and they were all
+agreed in that. I had the twinges of rheumatism unceasingly during three
+years, but the last one departed after a fortnight's bathing there,
+and I have never had one since. I fully believe I left my rheumatism in
+Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is welcome to it. It was little, but it was
+all I had to give. I would have preferred to leave something that was
+catching, but it was not in my power.
+
+There are several hot springs there, and during two thousand years they
+have poured forth a never-diminishing abundance of the healing water.
+This water is conducted in pipe to the numerous bath-houses, and is
+reduced to an endurable temperature by the addition of cold water. The
+new Friederichsbad is a very large and beautiful building, and in it one
+may have any sort of bath that has ever been invented, and with all
+the additions of herbs and drugs that his ailment may need or that the
+physician of the establishment may consider a useful thing to put into
+the water. You go there, enter the great door, get a bow graduated to
+your style and clothes from the gorgeous portier, and a bath ticket and
+an insult from the frowsy woman for a quarter; she strikes a bell and
+a serving-man conducts you down a long hall and shuts you into a
+commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror, a bootjack, and a sofa
+in it, and there you undress at your leisure.
+
+
+
+The room is divided by a great curtain; you draw this curtain aside, and
+find a large white marble bathtub, with its rim sunk to the level of the
+floor, and with three white marble steps leading down to it. This tub
+is full of water which is as clear as crystal, and is tempered to 28
+degrees Re'aumur (about 95 degrees Fahrenheit). Sunk into the floor, by
+the tub, is a covered copper box which contains some warm towels and a
+sheet. You look fully as white as an angel when you are stretched out
+in that limpid bath. You remain in it ten minutes, the first time,
+and afterward increase the duration from day to day, till you reach
+twenty-five or thirty minutes. There you stop. The appointments of the
+place are so luxurious, the benefit so marked, the price so moderate,
+and the insults so sure, that you very soon find yourself adoring the
+Friederichsbad and infesting it.
+
+We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good hotel, in Baden-Baden--the
+Hôtel de France--and alongside my room I had a giggling, cackling,
+chattering family who always went to bed just two hours after me and
+always got up two hours ahead of me. But this is common in German
+hotels; the people generally go to bed long after eleven and get up
+long before eight. The partitions convey sound like a drum-head, and
+everybody knows it; but no matter, a German family who are all kindness
+and consideration in the daytime make apparently no effort to moderate
+their noises for your benefit at night. They will sing, laugh, and talk
+loudly, and bang furniture around in a most pitiless way. If you knock
+on your wall appealingly, they will quiet down and discuss the matter
+softly among themselves for a moment--then, like the mice, they fall to
+persecuting you again, and as vigorously as before. They keep cruelly
+late and early hours, for such noisy folk.
+
+Of course, when one begins to find fault with foreign people's ways, he
+is very likely to get a reminder to look nearer home, before he gets far
+with it. I open my note-book to see if I can find some more information
+of a valuable nature about Baden-Baden, and the first thing I fall upon
+is this:
+
+"BADEN-BADEN (no date). Lot of vociferous Americans at breakfast
+this morning. Talking AT everybody, while pretending to talk among
+themselves. On their first travels, manifestly. Showing off. The usual
+signs--airy, easy-going references to grand distances and foreign
+places. 'Well GOOD-by, old fellow--if I don't run across you in Italy,
+you hunt me up in London before you sail.'"
+
+The next item which I find in my note-book is this one:
+
+"The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now murdering our
+frontiersmen at their impudent leisure, and that we are only able
+to send 1,200 soldiers against them, is utilized here to discourage
+emigration to America. The common people think the Indians are in New
+Jersey."
+
+
+
+This is a new and peculiar argument against keeping our army down to a
+ridiculous figure in the matter of numbers. It is rather a striking
+one, too. I have not distorted the truth in saying that the facts in
+the above item, about the army and the Indians, are made use of to
+discourage emigration to America. That the common people should be
+rather foggy in their geography, and foggy as to the location of the
+Indians, is a matter for amusement, maybe, but not of surprise.
+
+There is an interesting old cemetery in Baden-Baden, and we spent
+several pleasant hours in wandering through it and spelling out the
+inscriptions on the aged tombstones. Apparently after a man has laid
+there a century or two, and has had a good many people buried on top
+of him, it is considered that his tombstone is not needed by him any
+longer. I judge so from the fact that hundreds of old gravestones have
+been removed from the graves and placed against the inner walls of the
+cemetery. What artists they had in the old times! They chiseled angels
+and cherubs and devils and skeletons on the tombstones in the most
+lavish and generous way--as to supply--but curiously grotesque and
+outlandish as to form. It is not always easy to tell which of the
+figures belong among the blest and which of them among the opposite
+party. But there was an inscription, in French, on one of those old
+stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was plainly not the work of any
+other than a poet. It was to this effect:
+
+Here Reposes in God, Caroline de Clery, a Religieuse of St. Denis aged
+83 years--and blind. The light was restored to her in Baden the 5th of
+January, 1839
+
+We made several excursions on foot to the neighboring villages, over
+winding and beautiful roads and through enchanting woodland scenery.
+The woods and roads were similar to those at Heidelberg, but not
+so bewitching. I suppose that roads and woods which are up to the
+Heidelberg mark are rare in the world.
+
+Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita Palace, which is several
+miles from Baden-Baden. The grounds about the palace were fine; the
+palace was a curiosity. It was built by a Margravine in 1725, and
+remains as she left it at her death. We wandered through a great many
+of its rooms, and they all had striking peculiarities of decoration.
+For instance, the walls of one room were pretty completely covered
+with small pictures of the Margravine in all conceivable varieties of
+fanciful costumes, some of them male.
+
+The walls of another room were covered with grotesquely and elaborately
+figured hand-wrought tapestry. The musty ancient beds remained in the
+chambers, and their quilts and curtains and canopies were decorated with
+curious handwork, and the walls and ceilings frescoed with historical
+and mythological scenes in glaring colors. There was enough crazy and
+rotten rubbish in the building to make a true brick-a-bracker green with
+envy. A painting in the dining-hall verged upon the indelicate--but then
+the Margravine was herself a trifle indelicate.
+
+It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely decorated house, and
+brimful of interest as a reflection of the character and tastes of that
+rude bygone time.
+
+In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, stands the Margravine's
+chapel, just as she left it--a coarse wooden structure, wholly barren
+of ornament. It is said that the Margravine would give herself up to
+debauchery and exceedingly fast living for several months at a time,
+and then retire to this miserable wooden den and spend a few months in
+repenting and getting ready for another good time. She was a devoted
+Catholic, and was perhaps quite a model sort of a Christian as
+Christians went then, in high life.
+
+Tradition says she spent the last two years of her life in the strange
+den I have been speaking of, after having indulged herself in one final,
+triumphant, and satisfying spree. She shut herself up there, without
+company, and without even a servant, and so abjured and forsook the
+world. In her little bit of a kitchen she did her own cooking; she wore
+a hair shirt next the skin, and castigated herself with whips--these
+aids to grace are exhibited there yet. She prayed and told her beads,
+in another little room, before a waxen Virgin niched in a little box
+against the wall; she bedded herself like a slave.
+
+In another small room is an unpainted wooden table, and behind it sit
+half-life-size waxen figures of the Holy Family, made by the very worst
+artist that ever lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy drapery.
+[1] The margravine used to bring her meals to this table and DINE WITH
+THE HOLY FAMILY. What an idea that was! What a grisly spectacle it must
+have been! Imagine it: Those rigid, shock-headed figures, with corpsy
+complexions and fish glass eyes, occupying one side of the table in the
+constrained attitudes and dead fixedness that distinguish all men that
+are born of wax, and this wrinkled, smoldering old fire-eater occupying
+the other side, mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages in the
+ghostly stillness and shadowy indistinctness of a winter twilight. It
+makes one feel crawly even to think of it.
+
+  [1] The Savior was represented as a lad of about fifteen
+  years of age. This figure had lost one eye.
+
+
+
+In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed like a pauper, this
+strange princess lived and worshiped during two years, and in it she
+died. Two or three hundred years ago, this would have made the poor den
+holy ground; and the church would have set up a miracle-factory there
+and made plenty of money out of it. The den could be moved into some
+portions of France and made a good property even now.
+
+
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+<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
+<html>
+<head>
+<title>A TRAMP ABROAD, BY MARK TWAIN, Part 3</title>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
+
+
+<style type="text/css">
+    <!--
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+        margin-bottom: .75em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; }
+    HR  { width: 33%; text-align: center; }
+		blockquote {font-size: 97% }
+		.figleft   {float: left;}
+    .figright  {float: right;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 15%; margin-bottom: 0em;}
+    CENTER { padding: 10px;}
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+</head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 3
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: June 2004 [EBook #5784]
+Posting Date: June 2, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h2>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 3 </h2>
+
+
+<center>
+<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3>
+<tr><td>
+
+
+
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5783/5783-h/5783-h.htm">Previous Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+</td><td>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5785/5785-h/5785-h.htm">Next Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<center><a name="cover"></a><img alt="cover.jpg (229K)" src="images/cover.jpg" height="745" width="652">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="Portrait"></a><img alt="Portrait.jpg (45K)" src="images/Portrait.jpg" height="1051" width="605">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<center><a name="Moses"></a><img alt="Moses.jpg (86K)" src="images/Moses.jpg" height="949" width="565">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<center><a name="Titlepage"></a><img alt="Titlepage.jpg (41K)" src="images/Titlepage.jpg" height="1029" width="645">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+                   <center> <h1>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 3.</h1>
+
+                     <h2>By Mark Twain</h2>
+                  <h3>(Samuel L. Clemens)</h3>
+
+                <h3>First published in 1880</h3>
+
+								<h3>Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition</h3>
+
+                      * * * * * *
+</center>
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS:</h2>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#Portrait">PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR</a><br>
+2.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#Moses">TITIAN'S MOSES</a><br>
+3.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p016">THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES</a><br>
+73.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p129">A DEEP AND TRANQUIL ECSTACY</a> <br>
+74.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p130">"WHICH ANSWERED JUST AS WELL"</a> <br>
+75.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p132">LIFE ON A RAFT</a> <br>
+76.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p133">LADY GERTRUDE</a> <br>
+77.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p136">MOUTH OF THE CAVERN</a><br>
+78.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p137">A FATAL MISTAKE</a> <br>
+79.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p138">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+80.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p139">RAFTING ON THE NECKAR</a> <br>
+81.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p141">THE LORELEI</a> <br>
+82.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p143">THE LOVER's FATE</a> <br>
+84.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p151">THE UNKNOWN KNIGHT</a> <br>
+85.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p152">THE EMBRACE</a><br>
+86.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p154">PERILOUS POSTTION</a> <br>
+87.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p157">THE RAFT IN A STORM</a><br>
+88.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p158">ALL SAFE ON SHORE</a> <br>
+89.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p160a">"IT WAS THE CAT"</a><br>
+90.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p160b">TAILPIECE</a><br>
+91.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p162">BREAKFAST IN THE GARDEN</a> 162 <br>
+92.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p164">EASILY UNDERSTOOD</a> <br>
+93.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p167">EXPERIMENTING THROUGH HARRIS</a> <br>
+94.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p169">AT THE BALL ROOM DOOR</a> <br>
+95.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p172a">THE TOWN OF DILSBERG</a><br>
+96.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p172b">OUR ADVANCE ON DILSBERG</a><br>
+97.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p174">INSIDE THE TOWN</a> <br>
+95.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p176">THE OLD WELL</a> <br>
+99.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p178">SEND HITHER THE LORD ULRICH</a> <br>
+100.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p180">LEAD ME TO HER GRAVE</a> <br>
+102.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p182">AN EXCELLENT PILOT, ONCE</a> <br>
+103.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p183a">SCATTERATION</a> <br>
+104.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p183b">THE RIVER BATH</a> <br>
+101.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p185a">ETRUSCAN TEAR JUG</a> <br>
+106.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p185b">HENRI II. PLATE</a> <br>
+l07.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p186">OLD BLUE CHINA</a> <br>
+108.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p188">A REAL ANTIQUE</a> <br>
+109.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p189">BRIC-A-BRAC SHOP</a> <br>
+110.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p192">"PUT IT THERE"</a> <br>
+111.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p194">THE PARSON CAPTURED</a><br>
+112.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p195">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+113.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p197">A COMPREHENSIVE YAWN</a> <br>
+114.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p198">TESTING THE COIN</a> <br>
+115.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p199">BEAUTY AT THE BATH</a> <br>
+116.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p201">IN THE BATH</a> <br>
+117.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p203">JERSEY INDIANS</a> <br>
+118.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p206">NOT PARTICULARLY SOCIABLE</a><br>
+<br>
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<h2>CONTENTS:</h2>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>
+
+<a href="#ch15">CHAPTER XV</a>
+<br>
+Down the River&mdash;German Women's Duties&mdash;Bathing as We
+Went&mdash;A Handsome Picture: Girls in the Willows&mdash;We Sight a Tug&mdash;Steamers
+on the Neckar&mdash;Dinner on Board&mdash;Legend "Cave of the
+Spectre "&mdash;Lady Gertrude the Heiress&mdash;The Crusader&mdash;The Lady
+in the Cave&mdash;A Tragedy
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch16">CHAPTER XVI</a>
+<br>
+An Ancient Legend of the Rhine&mdash;"The Lorelei"&mdash;Count
+Hermann&mdash;Falling in Love&mdash;A Sight of the Enchantress&mdash;Sad Effect on Count
+Hermann&mdash;An Evening visit&mdash;A Sad Mistake&mdash;Count Hermann
+Drowned&mdash;The Song and Music&mdash;Different Trans lations&mdash;Curiosities
+in Titles
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch17">CHAPTER XVII</a>
+<br>
+Another Legend&mdash;The Unconquered Monster&mdash;The Unknown
+Knight &mdash;His Queer Shaped Knapsack&mdash;The Knight Pitied and
+Advised&mdash;He Attacks the Monster&mdash;Victory for the Fire Extinguisher&mdash;The
+Knight rewarded&mdash;His Strange Request&mdash;&mdash;Spectacles Made
+Popular&mdash;Danger to the Raft&mdash;Blasting Rocks&mdash;An Inglorious Death in
+View&mdash;Escaped&mdash;A Storm Overtakes us&mdash;GreatDanger&mdash;Man
+Overboard&mdash;Breakers Ahead&mdash;Springing a Leak&mdash;Ashore Safe&mdash;A General
+Embracing&mdash;A Tramp in the Dark&mdash;The Naturalist Tavern&mdash;A Night's
+Troubles&mdash;"It is the Cat"
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch18">CHAPTER XVIII</a>
+<br>
+Breakfast in a Garden&mdash;The Old Raven&mdash;Castle of Hirschhorn&mdash;Attempt
+to Hire a Boat&mdash;High Dutch&mdash;What You Can Find out by
+Enquiring&mdash;What I Found out about the Students&mdash;A good German
+Custom&mdash;Harris Practices It&mdash;AnEmbarrassing Position&mdash;A Nice
+Party&mdash;At a Ball&mdash;Stopped at the Door&mdash;Assistance at Hand and
+Rendered&mdash;Worthy to be an Empress
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch19">CHAPTER XIX</a>
+<br>
+Arrive at Neckarsteinach&mdash;Castle of Dilsberg&mdash;A Walled
+Town&mdash;On a Hill&mdash;Exclusiveness of the People&mdash;A Queer Old
+Place&mdash;An Ancient Well&mdash;An Outlet Proved&mdash;Legend of Dilsberg
+Castle&mdash;The Haunted Chamber&mdash;The Betrothed's request&mdash;The Knight's Slumbers
+and Awakening&mdash;Horror of the Lover&mdash;The Wicked Jest&mdash;The Lover
+a Maniac&mdash;Under the Linden&mdash;Turning Pilot&mdash;Accident to the
+Raft&mdash;Fearful Disaster
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch20">CHAPTER XX</a>
+<br>
+Good News&mdash;"Slow Freight"&mdash;Keramics&mdash;My Collection of
+Bric-a-brac&mdash;My Tear Jug&mdash;Henri II. Plate&mdash;Specimen of Blue
+China&mdash;Indifference to the Laugh of the World&mdash;I Discover an Antique
+En-route to Baden&mdash;Baden&mdash;Meeting an Old Acquaintance&mdash;A young
+American&mdash;Embryo Horse Doctor&mdash;An American, Sure&mdash;A Minister Captured
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch21">CHAPTER XXI</a>
+<br>
+Baden&mdash;Baden&mdash;Energetic Girls&mdash;A Comprehensive Yawn&mdash;A Beggar's
+Trick&mdash;Cool Impudence&mdash;The Bath Woman&mdash;Insolence of Shop
+Keepers&mdash;Taking a Bath&mdash;Early and Late Hours&mdash;Popular Belief Regarding
+Indians&mdash;An Old Cemetery&mdash;A Pious Hag&mdash;Curious Table Companions
+
+</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+
+<center><a name="p016"></a><img alt="p016.jpg (82K)" src="images/p016.jpg" height="817" width="535">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+
+<a name="ch15"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XV</h2>
+<h3>[Charming Waterside Pictures]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+<p>Men and women and cattle were at work in the dewy fields
+by this time.  The people often stepped aboard the raft,
+as we glided along the grassy shores, and gossiped with us
+and with the crew for a hundred yards or so, then stepped
+ashore again, refreshed by the ride.
+
+<p>Only the men did this; the women were too busy.
+The women do all kinds of work on the continent.  They dig,
+they hoe, they reap, they sow, they bear monstrous burdens
+on their backs, they shove similar ones long distances
+on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog
+or lean cow to drag it&mdash;and when there is, they assist
+the dog or cow.  Age is no matter&mdash;the older the woman
+the stronger she is, apparently.  On the farm a woman's
+duties are not defined&mdash;she does a little of everything;
+but in the towns it is different, there she only does
+certain things, the men do the rest.  For instance,
+a hotel chambermaid has nothing to do but make beds and
+fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring towels and candles,
+and fetch several tons of water up several flights of stairs,
+a hundred pounds at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers.
+She does not have to work more than eighteen or twenty hours
+a day, and she can always get down on her knees and scrub
+the floors of halls and closets when she is tired and needs
+a rest.
+
+<p>As the morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took
+off our outside clothing and sat in a row along the edge
+of the raft and enjoyed the scenery, with our sun-umbrellas
+over our heads and our legs dangling in the water.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p129"></a><img alt="p129.jpg (22K)" src="images/p129.jpg" height="345" width="577">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Every now and then we plunged in and had a swim.
+Every projecting grassy cape had its joyous group
+of naked children, the boys to themselves and the girls
+to themselves, the latter usually in care of some motherly
+dame who sat in the shade of a tree with her knitting.
+The little boys swam out to us, sometimes, but the little
+maids stood knee-deep in the water and stopped their splashing
+and frolicking to inspect the raft with their innocent
+eyes as it drifted by.  Once we turned a corner suddenly
+and surprised a slender girl of twelve years or upward,
+just stepping into the water.  She had not time to run,
+but she did what answered just as well; she promptly
+drew a lithe young willow bough athwart her white body
+with one hand, and then contemplated us with a simple and
+untroubled interest.  Thus she stood while we glided by.
+She was a pretty creature, and she and her willow bough
+made a very pretty picture, and one which could not
+offend the modesty of the most fastidious spectator.
+Her white skin had a low bank of fresh green willows for
+background and effective contrast&mdash;for she stood against
+them&mdash;and above and out of them projected the eager faces
+and white shoulders of two smaller girls.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p130"></a><img alt="p130.jpg (64K)" src="images/p130.jpg" height="515" width="551">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Toward noon we heard the inspiriting cry,&mdash;
+
+<p>"Sail ho!"
+
+<p>"Where away?" shouted the captain.
+
+<p>"Three points off the weather bow!"
+
+<p>We ran forward to see the vessel.  It proved to be
+a steamboat&mdash;for they had begun to run a steamer up
+the Neckar, for the first time in May.  She was a tug,
+and one of a very peculiar build and aspect.  I had
+often watched her from the hotel, and wondered how she
+propelled herself, for apparently she had no propeller
+or paddles.  She came churning along, now, making a deal
+of noise of one kind or another, and aggravating it every
+now and then by blowing a hoarse whistle.  She had nine
+keel-boats hitched on behind and following after her
+in a long, slender rank.  We met her in a narrow place,
+between dikes, and there was hardly room for us both in the
+cramped passage.  As she went grinding and groaning by,
+we perceived the secret of her moving impulse.  She did
+not drive herself up the river with paddles or propeller,
+she pulled herself by hauling on a great chain.
+This chain is laid in the bed of the river and is only
+fastened at the two ends.  It is seventy miles long.
+It comes in over the boat's bow, passes around a drum,
+and is payed out astern.  She pulls on that chain,
+and so drags herself up the river or down it.  She has
+neither bow or stern, strictly speaking, for she has a
+long-bladed rudder on each end and she never turns around.
+She uses both rudders all the time, and they are powerful
+enough to enable her to turn to the right or the left
+and steer around curves, in spite of the strong resistance
+of the chain.  I would not have believed that that impossible
+thing could be done; but I saw it done, and therefore I
+know that there is one impossible thing which CAN be done.
+What miracle will man attempt next?
+
+<p>We met many big keel-boats on their way up, using sails,
+mule power, and profanity&mdash;a tedious and laborious business.
+A wire rope led from the foretopmast to the file of mules
+on the tow-path a hundred yards ahead, and by dint
+of much banging and swearing and urging, the detachment
+of drivers managed to get a speed of two or three miles
+an hour out of the mules against the stiff current.
+The Neckar has always been used as a canal, and thus
+has given employment to a great many men and animals;
+but now that this steamboat is able, with a small crew
+and a bushel or so of coal, to take nine keel-boats farther
+up the river in one hour than thirty men and thirty mules
+can do it in two, it is believed that the old-fashioned
+towing industry is on its death-bed. A second steamboat
+began work in the Neckar three months after the first one
+was put in service.  [Figure 4]
+
+<p>At noon we stepped ashore and bought some bottled beer
+and got some chickens cooked, while the raft waited;
+then we immediately put to sea again, and had our
+dinner while the beer was cold and the chickens hot.
+There is no pleasanter place for such a meal than a raft
+that is gliding down the winding Neckar past green meadows
+and wooded hills, and slumbering villages, and craggy
+heights graced with crumbling towers and battlements.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p132"></a><img alt="p132.jpg (27K)" src="images/p132.jpg" height="321" width="553">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>In one place we saw a nicely dressed German gentleman
+without any spectacles.  Before I could come to anchor
+he had got underway.  It was a great pity.  I so wanted
+to make a sketch of him.  The captain comforted me
+for my loss, however, by saying that the man was without
+any doubt a fraud who had spectacles, but kept them
+in his pocket in order to make himself conspicuous.
+
+<p>Below Hassmersheim we passed Hornberg, Goetz von Berlichingen's
+old castle.  It stands on a bold elevation two hundred feet
+above the surface of the river; it has high vine-clad walls
+enclosing trees, and a peaked tower about seventy-five
+feet high.  The steep hillside, from the castle clear
+down to the water's edge, is terraced, and clothed thick
+with grape vines.  This is like farming a mansard roof.
+All the steeps along that part of the river which furnish
+the proper exposure, are given up to the grape.  That region
+is a great producer of Rhine wines.  The Germans are
+exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall,
+slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage.
+One tells them from vinegar by the label.
+
+<p>The Hornberg hill is to be tunneled, and the new railway
+will pass under the castle.
+<br>
+<center><h3>THE CAVE OF THE SPECTER</h3></center>
+
+<p>Two miles below Hornberg castle is a cave in a low cliff,
+which the captain of the raft said had once been occupied
+by a beautiful heiress of Hornberg&mdash;the Lady
+Gertrude&mdash;in the old times.  It was seven hundred years ago.
+She had a number of rich and noble lovers and one poor
+and obscure one, Sir Wendel Lobenfeld.  With the native
+chuckleheadedness of the heroine of romance, she preferred
+the poor and obscure lover.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p133"></a><img alt="p133.jpg (11K)" src="images/p133.jpg" height="295" width="273">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>With the native sound judgment
+of the father of a heroine of romance, the von Berlichingen
+of that day shut his daughter up in his donjon keep,
+or his oubliette, or his culverin, or some such place,
+and resolved that she should stay there until she selected
+a husband from among her rich and noble lovers.  The latter
+visited her and persecuted her with their supplications,
+but without effect, for her heart was true to her poor
+despised Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy Land.
+Finally, she resolved that she would endure the attentions
+of the rich lovers no longer; so one stormy night she escaped
+and went down the river and hid herself in the cave on
+the other side.  Her father ransacked the country for her,
+but found not a trace of her.  As the days went by,
+and still no tidings of her came, his conscience began
+to torture him, and he caused proclamation to be made
+that if she were yet living and would return, he would
+oppose her no longer, she might marry whom she would.
+The months dragged on, all hope forsook the old man,
+he ceased from his customary pursuits and pleasures,
+he devoted himself to pious works, and longed for the
+deliverance of death.
+
+<p>Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress stood
+in the mouth of her cave, arrayed in white robes, and sang
+a little love ballad which her Crusader had made for her.
+She judged that if he came home alive the superstitious
+peasants would tell him about the ghost that sang in the cave,
+and that as soon as they described the ballad he would know
+that none but he and she knew that song, therefore he would
+suspect that she was alive, and would come and find her.
+As time went on, the people of the region became sorely
+distressed about the Specter of the Haunted Cave.
+It was said that ill luck of one kind or another always
+overtook any one who had the misfortune to hear that song.
+Eventually, every calamity that happened thereabouts was
+laid at the door of that music.  Consequently, no boatmen
+would consent to pass the cave at night; the peasants
+shunned the place, even in the daytime.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p136"></a><img alt="p136.jpg (22K)" src="images/p136.jpg" height="737" width="219">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>But the faithful girl sang on, night after night,
+month after month, and patiently waited; her reward
+must come at last.  Five years dragged by, and still,
+every night at midnight, the plaintive tones floated out
+over the silent land, while the distant boatmen and peasants
+thrust their fingers into their ears and shuddered out a prayer.
+
+<p>And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and battle-scarred,
+but bringing a great and splendid fame to lay at the feet
+of his bride.  The old lord of Hornberg received him as
+his son, and wanted him to stay by him and be the comfort
+and blessing of his age; but the tale of that young
+girl's devotion to him and its pathetic consequences
+made a changed man of the knight.  He could not enjoy
+his well-earned rest.  He said his heart was broken,
+he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds
+in the cause of humanity, and so find a worthy death
+and a blessed reunion with the brave true heart whose
+love had more honored him than all his victories in war.
+
+<p>When the people heard this resolve of his, they came and told
+him there was a pitiless dragon in human disguise in the
+Haunted Cave, a dread creature which no knight had yet been
+bold enough to face, and begged him to rid the land of its
+desolating presence.  He said he would do it.  They told
+him about the song, and when he asked what song it was,
+they said the memory of it was gone, for nobody had been
+hardy enough to listen to it for the past four years and more.
+
+<p>Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down the river
+in a boat, with his trusty cross-bow in his hands.
+He drifted silently through the dim reflections of the
+crags and trees, with his intent eyes fixed upon the low
+cliff which he was approaching.  As he drew nearer,
+he discerned the black mouth of the cave.  Now&mdash;is that
+a white figure? Yes.  The plaintive song begins to well
+forth and float away over meadow and river&mdash;the cross-bow
+is slowly raised to position, a steady aim is taken,
+the bolt flies straight to the mark&mdash;the figure sinks down,
+still singing, the knight takes the wool out of his ears,
+and recognizes the old ballad&mdash;too late! Ah, if he had
+only not put the wool in his ears!
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p137"></a><img alt="p137.jpg (22K)" src="images/p137.jpg" height="299" width="413">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The Crusader went away to the wars again, and presently
+fell in battle, fighting for the Cross.  Tradition says
+that during several centuries the spirit of the unfortunate
+girl sang nightly from the cave at midnight, but the music
+carried no curse with it; and although many listened
+for the mysterious sounds, few were favored, since only
+those could hear them who had never failed in a trust.
+It is believed that the singing still continues, but it is
+known that nobody has heard it during the present century.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p138"></a><img alt="p138.jpg (21K)" src="images/p138.jpg" height="343" width="331">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<center><a name="p139"></a><img alt="p139.jpg (81K)" src="images/p139.jpg" height="973" width="579">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<a name="ch16"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2>
+<h3>An Ancient Legend of the Rhine [The Lorelei]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+<p>The last legend reminds one of the "Lorelei"&mdash;a legend
+of the Rhine.  There is a song called "The Lorelei."
+
+<p>Germany is rich in folk-songs, and the words and airs of
+several of them are peculiarly beautiful&mdash;but "The Lorelei"
+is the people's favorite.  I could not endure it at first,
+but by and by it began to take hold of me, and now there
+is no tune which I like so well.
+
+<p>It is not possible that it is much known in America, else I
+should have heard it there.  The fact that I never heard
+it there, is evidence that there are others in my country
+who have fared likewise; therefore, for the sake of these,
+I mean to print the words and music in this chapter.
+And I will refresh the reader's memory by printing the legend
+of the Lorelei, too.  I have it by me in the LEGENDS OF
+THE RHINE, done into English by the wildly gifted Garnham,
+Bachelor of Arts.  I print the legend partly to refresh
+my own memory, too, for I have never read it before.
+<br>
+<center><h3>THE LEGEND</h3></center>
+
+<p>Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who used to sit
+on a high rock called the Ley or Lei (pronounced like our
+word LIE) in the Rhine, and lure boatmen to destruction
+in a furious rapid which marred the channel at that spot.
+She so bewitched them with her plaintive songs and her
+wonderful beauty that they forgot everything else to gaze
+up at her, and so they presently drifted among the broken
+reefs and were lost.
+
+<p>In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in a great
+castle near there with his son, the Count Hermann, a youth
+of twenty.  Hermann had heard a great deal about the
+beautiful Lore, and had finally fallen very deeply in love
+with her without having seen her.  So he used to wander
+to the neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with his Zither
+and "Express his Longing in low Singing," as Garnham says.
+On one of these occasions, "suddenly there hovered around
+the top of the rock a brightness of unequaled clearness
+and color, which, in increasingly smaller circles thickened,
+was the enchanting figure of the beautiful Lore.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p141"></a><img alt="p141.jpg (22K)" src="images/p141.jpg" height="457" width="267">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>"An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, he let
+his Zither fall, and with extended arms he called out
+the name of the enigmatical Being, who seemed to stoop
+lovingly to him and beckon to him in a friendly manner;
+indeed, if his ear did not deceive him, she called his
+name with unutterable sweet Whispers, proper to love.
+Beside himself with delight the youth lost his Senses
+and sank senseless to the earth."
+
+<p>After that he was a changed person.  He went dreaming about,
+thinking only of his fairy and caring for naught else
+in the world.  "The old count saw with affliction this
+changement in his son," whose cause he could not divine,
+and tried to divert his mind into cheerful channels,
+but to no purpose.  Then the old count used authority.
+He commanded the youth to betake himself to the camp.
+Obedience was promised.  Garnham says:
+
+<p>"It was on the evening before his departure, as he
+wished still once to visit the Lei and offer to the
+Nymph of the Rhine his Sighs, the tones of his Zither,
+and his Songs.  He went, in his boat, this time accompanied
+by a faithful squire, down the stream.  The moon shed
+her silvery light over the whole country; the steep
+bank mountains appeared in the most fantastical shapes,
+and the high oaks on either side bowed their Branches
+on Hermann's passing.  As soon as he approached the Lei,
+and was aware of the surf-waves, his attendant was seized
+with an inexpressible Anxiety and he begged permission
+to land; but the Knight swept the strings of his Guitar
+and sang:
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>"Once I saw thee in dark night,
+<br>In supernatural Beauty bright;
+<br>Of Light-rays, was the Figure wove,
+<br>To share its light, locked-hair strove.
+<br><br>
+<br>"Thy Garment color wave-dove
+<br>By thy hand the sign of love,
+<br>Thy eyes sweet enchantment,
+<br>Raying to me, oh! enchantment.
+<br><br>
+<br>"O, wert thou but my sweetheart,
+<br>How willingly thy love to part!
+<br>With delight I should be bound
+<br>To thy rocky house in deep ground."
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<p>That Hermann should have gone to that place at all,
+was not wise; that he should have gone with such a song
+as that in his mouth was a most serious mistake.  The Lorelei
+did not "call his name in unutterable sweet Whispers"
+this time.  No, that song naturally worked an instant
+and thorough "changement" in her; and not only that,
+but it stirred the bowels of the whole afflicted region
+around about there&mdash;for&mdash;
+
+<p>"Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere there
+began tumult and sound, as if voices above and below
+the water.  On the Lei rose flames, the Fairy stood above,
+at that time, and beckoned with her right hand clearly
+and urgently to the infatuated Knight, while with a staff
+in her left hand she called the waves to her service.
+They began to mount heavenward; the boat was upset,
+mocking every exertion; the waves rose to the gunwale,
+and splitting on the hard stones, the Boat broke into Pieces.
+The youth sank into the depths, but the squire was thrown on
+shore by a powerful wave."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p143"></a><img alt="p143.jpg (32K)" src="images/p143.jpg" height="537" width="347">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The bitterest things have been said about the Lorelei
+during many centuries, but surely her conduct upon this
+occasion entitles her to our respect.  One feels drawn
+tenderly toward her and is moved to forget her many crimes
+and remember only the good deed that crowned and closed
+her career.
+
+<p>"The Fairy was never more seen; but her enchanting tones have
+often been heard.  In the beautiful, refreshing, still nights
+of spring, when the moon pours her silver light over the Country,
+the listening shipper hears from the rushing of the waves,
+the echoing Clang of a wonderfully charming voice,
+which sings a song from the crystal castle, and with sorrow
+and fear he thinks on the young Count Hermann, seduced by the
+Nymph."
+
+<p>Here is the music, and the German words by Heinrich Heine.
+This song has been a favorite in Germany for forty years,
+and will remain a favorite always, maybe.  [Figure 5]
+
+<p>I have a prejudice against people who print things
+in a foreign language and add no translation.
+When I am the reader, and the author considers me
+able to do the translating myself, he pays me quite
+a nice compliment&mdash;but if he would do the translating
+for me I would try to get along without the compliment.
+
+<p>If I were at home, no doubt I could get a translation of
+this poem, but I am abroad and can't; therefore I will make
+a translation myself.  It may not be a good one, for poetry
+is out of my line, but it will serve my purpose&mdash;which is,
+to give the unGerman young girl a jingle of words to hang
+the tune on until she can get hold of a good version,
+made by some one who is a poet and knows how to convey
+a poetical thought from one language to another.
+
+
+<h3>THE LORELEI</h3>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>I cannot divine what it meaneth,
+<br>This haunting nameless pain:
+<br>A tale of the bygone ages
+<br>Keeps brooding through my brain:
+<br><br>
+<br>The faint air cools in the glooming,
+<br>And peaceful flows the Rhine,
+<br>The thirsty summits are drinking
+<br>The sunset's flooding wine;
+<br><br>
+<br>The loveliest maiden is sitting
+<br>High-throned in yon blue air,
+<br>Her golden jewels are shining,
+<br>She combs her golden hair;
+<br><br>
+<br>She combs with a comb that is golden,
+<br>And sings a weird refrain
+<br>That steeps in a deadly enchantment
+<br>The list'ner's ravished brain:
+<br><br>
+<br>The doomed in his drifting shallop,
+<br>Is tranced with the sad sweet tone,
+<br>He sees not the yawning breakers,
+<br>He sees but the maid alone:
+<br><br>
+<br>The pitiless billows engulf him!&mdash;
+<br>So perish sailor and bark;
+<br>And this, with her baleful singing,
+<br>Is the Lorelei's gruesome work.
+<br>
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+<p>I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of Arts,
+in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, but it would not answer
+the purpose I mentioned above, because the measure is too
+nobly irregular; it don't fit the tune snugly enough;
+in places it hangs over at the ends too far, and in other
+places one runs out of words before he gets to the end
+of a bar.  Still, Garnham's translation has high merits,
+and I am not dreaming of leaving it out of my book.
+I believe this poet is wholly unknown in America and England;
+I take peculiar pleasure in bringing him forward because I
+consider that I discovered him:
+
+
+<h3>THE LORELEI</h3>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<p>Translated by L. W. Garnham, B.A.
+
+<br>I do not know what it signifies.
+<br>That I am so sorrowful?
+<br>A fable of old Times so terrifies,
+<br>Leaves my heart so thoughtful.
+<br><br>
+<br>The air is cool and it darkens,
+<br>And calmly flows the Rhine;
+<br>The summit of the mountain hearkens
+<br>In evening sunshine line.
+<br><br>
+<br>The most beautiful Maiden entrances
+<br>Above wonderfully there,
+<br>Her beautiful golden attire glances,
+<br>She combs her golden hair.
+<br><br>
+<br>With golden comb so lustrous,
+<br>And thereby a song sings,
+<br>It has a tone so wondrous,
+<br>That powerful melody rings.
+<br><br>
+<br>The shipper in the little ship
+<br>It effects with woe sad might;
+<br>He does not see the rocky slip,
+<br>He only regards dreaded height.
+<br><br>
+<br>I believe the turbulent waves
+<br>Swallow the last shipper and boat;
+<br>She with her singing craves
+<br>All to visit hermagic moat.
+<br>
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<p>No translation could be closer.  He has got in all
+the facts; and in their regular order, too.  There is not
+a statistic wanting.  It is as succinct as an invoice.
+That is what a translation ought to be; it should exactly
+reflect the thought of the original.  You can't SING "Above
+wonderfully there," because it simply won't go to the tune,
+without damaging the singer; but it is a most clingingly exact
+translation of DORT OBEN WUNDERBAR&mdash;fits it like a blister.
+Mr. Garnham's reproduction has other merits&mdash;a hundred
+of them&mdash;but it is not necessary to point them out.
+They will be detected.
+
+<p>No one with a specialty can hope to have a monopoly of it.
+Even Garnham has a rival.  Mr. X had a small pamphlet
+with him which he had bought while on a visit to Munich.
+It was entitled A CATALOGUE OF PICTURES IN THE OLD PINACOTEK,
+and was written in a peculiar kind of English.  Here are
+a few extracts:
+
+<p>"It is not permitted to make use of the work
+in question to a publication of the same contents
+as well as to the pirated edition of it."
+
+<p>"An evening landscape.  In the foreground near a pond
+and a group of white beeches is leading a footpath
+animated by travelers."
+
+<p>"A learned man in a cynical and torn dress holding an open
+book in his hand."
+
+<p>"St. Bartholomew and the Executioner with the knife
+to fulfil the martyr."
+
+<p>"Portrait of a young man.  A long while this picture
+was thought to be Bindi Altoviti's portrait; now somebody
+will again have it to be the self-portrait of Raphael."
+
+<p>"Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man.
+In the background the lapidation of the condemned."
+
+<p>("Lapidation" is good; it is much more elegant than
+"stoning.")
+
+<p>"St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel who looks
+at his plague-sore, whilst the dog the bread in his mouth
+attents him."
+
+<p>"Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting.  Behind her a fertile
+valley perfused by a river."
+
+<p>"A beautiful bouquet animated by May-bugs, etc."
+
+<p>"A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his hand leans
+against a table and blows the smoke far away of himself."
+
+<p>"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river which perfuses
+it till to the background."
+
+<p>"Some peasants singing in a cottage.  A woman lets drink
+a child out of a cup."
+
+<p>"St. John's head as a boy&mdash;painted in fresco on a brick."
+(Meaning a tile.)
+
+<p>"A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut off
+right at the end, dressed in black with the same cap.
+Attributed to Raphael, but the signation is false."
+
+<p>"The Virgin holding the Infant.  It is very painted
+in the manner of Sassoferrato."
+
+<p>"A Larder with greens and dead game animated by a cook-maid
+and two kitchen-boys."
+
+<p>However, the English of this catalogue is at least
+as happy as that which distinguishes an inscription
+upon a certain picture in Rome&mdash;to wit:
+
+<p>"Revelations-View. St. John in Patterson's Island."
+
+<p>But meanwhile the raft is moving on.
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch17"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2>
+<h3>[Why Germans Wear Spectacles]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>A mile or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar ruin projecting
+above the foliage which clothed the peak of a high and
+very steep hill.  This ruin consisted of merely a couple
+of crumbling masses of masonry which bore a rude resemblance
+to human faces; they leaned forward and touched foreheads,
+and had the look of being absorbed in conversation.  This ruin
+had nothing very imposing or picturesque about it, and there
+was no great deal of it, yet it was called the "Spectacular
+Ruin."
+
+<center><h3>LEGEND OF THE "SPECTACULAR RUIN"</h3></center>
+
+<p>The captain of the raft, who was as full of history as he
+could stick, said that in the Middle Ages a most prodigious
+fire-breathing dragon used to live in that region,
+and made more trouble than a tax-collector. He was as long
+as a railway-train, and had the customary impenetrable
+green scales all over him.  His breath bred pestilence
+and conflagration, and his appetite bred famine.  He ate
+men and cattle impartially, and was exceedingly unpopular.
+The German emperor of that day made the usual offer:
+he would grant to the destroyer of the dragon, any one
+solitary thing he might ask for; for he had a surplusage
+of daughters, and it was customary for dragon-killers
+to take a daughter for pay.
+
+<p>So the most renowned knights came from the four corners
+of the earth and retired down the dragon's throat one after
+the other.  A panic arose and spread.  Heroes grew cautious.
+The procession ceased.  The dragon became more destructive
+than ever.  The people lost all hope of succor, and fled
+to the mountains for refuge.
+
+<p>At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure knight,
+out of a far country, arrived to do battle with the monster.
+A pitiable object he was, with his armor hanging in rags
+about him, and his strange-shaped knapsack strapped
+upon his back.  Everybody turned up their noses at him,
+and some openly jeered him.  But he was calm.  He simply
+inquired if the emperor's offer was still in force.
+The emperor said it was&mdash;but charitably advised him to go
+and hunt hares and not endanger so precious a life as his
+in an attempt which had brought death to so many of the
+world's most illustrious heroes.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p151"></a><img alt="p151.jpg (23K)" src="images/p151.jpg" height="561" width="313">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>But this tramp only asked&mdash;"Were any of these heroes
+men of science?" This raised a laugh, of course,
+for science was despised in those days.  But the tramp
+was not in the least ruffled.  He said he might be a
+little in advance of his age, but no matter&mdash;science
+would come to be honored, some time or other.  He said
+he would march against the dragon in the morning.
+Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him,
+but he declined, and said, "spears were useless to men
+of science." They allowed him to sup in the servants'
+hall, and gave him a bed in the stables.
+
+<p>When he started forth in the morning, thousands were
+gathered to see.  The emperor said:
+
+<p>"Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your knapsack."
+
+<p>But the tramp said:
+
+<p>"It is not a knapsack," and moved straight on.
+
+<p>The dragon was waiting and ready.  He was breathing forth
+vast volumes of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts of flame.
+The ragged knight stole warily to a good position,
+then he unslung his cylindrical knapsack&mdash;which was simply
+the common fire-extinguisher known to modern
+times&mdash;and the first chance he got he turned on his hose and shot
+the dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth.
+Out went the fires in an instant, and the dragon curled up
+and died.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p152"></a><img alt="p152.jpg (13K)" src="images/p152.jpg" height="311" width="301">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>This man had brought brains to his aid.  He had reared
+dragons from the egg, in his laboratory, he had watched
+over them like a mother, and patiently studied them
+and experimented upon them while they grew.  Thus he had
+found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon;
+put out the dragon's fires and it could make steam
+no longer, and must die.  He could not put out a fire
+with a spear, therefore he invented the extinguisher.
+The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck
+and said:
+
+<p>"Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning
+out behind with his heel for a detachment of his daughters
+to form and advance.  But the tramp gave them no observance.
+He simply said:
+
+<p>"My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly
+of the manufacture and sale of spectacles in Germany."
+
+<p>The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed:
+
+<p>"This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A
+modest demand, by my halidome! Why didn't you ask
+for the imperial revenues at once, and be done with it?"
+
+<p>But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it.
+To everybody's surprise, the unselfish monopolist immediately
+reduced the price of spectacles to such a degree that a
+great and crushing burden was removed from the nation.
+The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to
+testify his appreciation of it, issued a decree commanding
+everybody to buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them,
+whether they needed them or not.
+
+<p>So originated the wide-spread custom of wearing
+spectacles in Germany; and as a custom once established
+in these old lands is imperishable, this one remains
+universal in the empire to this day.  Such is the legend
+of the monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle,
+now called the "Spectacular Ruin."
+
+<p>On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectacular
+Ruin, we passed by a noble pile of castellated buildings
+overlooking the water from the crest of a lofty elevation.
+A stretch of two hundred yards of the high front wall
+was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass of
+buildings within rose three picturesque old towers.
+The place was in fine order, and was inhabited by a
+family of princely rank.  This castle had its legend,
+too, but I should not feel justified in repeating
+it because I doubted the truth of some of its minor details.
+
+<p>Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers
+were blasting away the frontage of the hills to make
+room for the new railway.  They were fifty or a hundred
+feet above the river.  As we turned a sharp corner they
+began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look
+out for the explosions.  It was all very well to warn us,
+but what could WE do? You can't back a raft upstream,
+you can't hurry it downstream, you can't scatter out
+to one side when you haven't any room to speak of,
+you won't take to the perpendicular cliffs on the other
+shore when they appear to be blasting there, too.
+Your resources are limited, you see.  There is simply
+nothing for it but to watch and pray.
+
+<p>For some hours we had been making three and a half or four
+miles an hour and we were still making that.  We had been
+dancing right along until those men began to shout;
+then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me that I had
+never seen a raft go so slowly.  When the first blast went
+off we raised our sun-umbrellas and waited for the result.
+No harm done; none of the stones fell in the water.
+Another blast followed, and another and another.
+Some of the rubbish fell in the water just astern
+of us.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p154"></a><img alt="p154.jpg (40K)" src="images/p154.jpg" height="397" width="539">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it
+was certainly one of the most exciting and uncomfortable
+weeks I ever spent, either aship or ashore.  Of course
+we frequently manned the poles and shoved earnestly
+for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts
+of dust and debris shot aloft every man dropped his pole
+and looked up to get the bearings of his share of it.
+It was very busy times along there for a while.
+It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was
+not the bitterest thought; no, the abjectly unheroic nature
+of the death&mdash;that was the sting&mdash;that and the bizarre
+wording of the resulting obituary: "SHOT WITH A ROCK,
+ON A RAFT." There would be no poetry written about it.
+None COULD be written about it.  Example:
+
+<p>NOT by war's shock, or war's shaft,&mdash;SHOT, with a rock,
+on a raft.
+
+<p>No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a
+theme as that.  I should be distinguished as the only
+"distinguished dead" who went down to the grave unsonneted,
+in 1878.
+
+<p>But we escaped, and I have never regretted it.
+The last blast was a peculiarly strong one, and after
+the small rubbish was done raining around us and we
+were just going to shake hands over our deliverance,
+a later and larger stone came down amongst our little
+group of pedestrians and wrecked an umbrella.  It did
+no other harm, but we took to the water just the same.
+
+<p>It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the
+new railway gradings is done mainly by Italians.
+That was a revelation.  We have the notion in our country
+that Italians never do heavy work at all, but confine
+themselves to the lighter arts, like organ-grinding,
+operatic singing, and assassination.  We have blundered,
+that is plain.
+
+<p>All along the river, near every village, we saw little
+station-houses for the future railway.  They were
+finished and waiting for the rails and business.
+They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be.
+They were always of brick or stone; they were of graceful
+shape, they had vines and flowers about them already,
+and around them the grass was bright and green,
+and showed that it was carefully looked after.  They were
+a decoration to the beautiful landscape, not an offense.
+Wherever one saw a pile of gravel or a pile of broken stone,
+it was always heaped as trimly and exactly as a new grave
+or a stack of cannon-balls; nothing about those stations
+or along the railroad or the wagon-road was allowed
+to look shabby or be unornamental.  The keeping a country
+in such beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise
+practical side to it, too, for it keeps thousands of people
+in work and bread who would otherwise be idle and mischievous.
+
+<p>As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up,
+but I thought maybe we might make Hirschhorn, so we went on.
+Presently the sky became overcast, and the captain came
+aft looking uneasy.  He cast his eye aloft, then shook
+his head, and said it was coming on to blow.  My party
+wanted to land at once&mdash;therefore I wanted to go on.
+The captain said we ought to shorten sail anyway,
+out of common prudence.  Consequently, the larboard watch
+was ordered to lay in his pole.  It grew quite dark,
+now, and the wind began to rise.  It wailed through
+the swaying branches of the trees, and swept our decks
+in fitful gusts.  Things were taking on an ugly look.
+The captain shouted to the steersman on the forward
+log:
+
+<p>"How's she landing?"
+
+<p>The answer came faint and hoarse from far forward:
+
+<p>"Nor'-east-and-by-nor'&mdash;east-by-east, half-east, sir."
+
+<p>"Let her go off a point!"
+
+<p>"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+<p>"What water have you got?"
+
+<p>"Shoal, sir.  Two foot large, on the stabboard,
+two and a half scant on the labboard!"
+
+<p>"Let her go off another point!"
+
+<p>"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+<p>"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd
+her round the weather corner!"
+
+<p>"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p157"></a><img alt="p157.jpg (34K)" src="images/p157.jpg" height="331" width="553">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting,
+but the forms of the men were lost in the darkness and
+the sounds were distorted and confused by the roaring
+of the wind through the shingle-bundles. By this time
+the sea was running inches high, and threatening every
+moment to engulf the frail bark.  Now came the mate,
+hurrying aft, and said, close to the captain's ear,
+in a low, agitated voice:
+
+<p>"Prepare for the worst, sir&mdash;we have sprung a leak!"
+
+<p>"Heavens! where?"
+
+<p>"Right aft the second row of logs."
+
+<p>"Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let the men know,
+or there will be a panic and mutiny! Lay her in shore
+and stand by to jump with the stern-line the moment
+she touches.  Gentlemen, I must look to you to second
+my endeavors in this hour of peril.  You have hats&mdash;go
+forward and bail for your lives!"
+
+<p>Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in
+spray and thick darkness.  At such a moment as this,
+came from away forward that most appalling of all cries
+that are ever heard at sea:
+
+<p>"MAN OVERBOARD!"
+
+<p>The captain shouted:
+
+<p>"Hard a-port! Never mind the man! Let him climb aboard
+or wade ashore!"
+
+<p>Another cry came down the wind:
+
+<p>"Breakers ahead!"
+
+<p>"Where away?"
+
+<p>"Not a log's length off her port fore-foot!"
+
+<p>We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now
+bailing with the frenzy of despair, when we heard
+the mate's terrified cry, from far aft:
+
+<p>"Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be aground!"
+
+<p>But this was immediately followed by the glad shout:
+
+<p>"Land aboard the starboard transom!"
+
+<p>"Saved!" cried the captain.  "Jump ashore and take a turn
+around a tree and pass the bight aboard!"
+
+<p>The next moment we were all on shore weeping and embracing
+for joy, while the rain poured down in torrents.
+The captain said he had been a mariner for forty years
+on the Neckar, and in that time had seen storms to make
+a man's cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but he had never,
+never seen a storm that even approached this one.
+How familiar that sounded! For I have been at sea a good
+deal and have heard that remark from captains with a
+frequency accordingly.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p158"></a><img alt="p158.jpg (39K)" src="images/p158.jpg" height="389" width="565">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks
+and admiration and gratitude, and took the first
+opportunity to vote it, and put it in writing and
+present it to the captain, with the customary speech.
+We tramped through the darkness and the drenching summer
+rain full three miles, and reached "The Naturalist Tavern"
+in the village of Hirschhorn just an hour before midnight,
+almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue, and terror.
+I can never forget that night.
+
+<p>The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be
+crusty and disobliging; he did not at all like being
+turned out of his warm bed to open his house for us.
+But no matter, his household got up and cooked a quick
+supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves,
+to keep off consumption.  After supper and punch we
+had an hour's soothing smoke while we fought the naval
+battle over again and voted the resolutions; then we
+retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers upstairs
+that had clean, comfortable beds in them with heirloom
+pillowcases most elaborately and tastefully embroidered
+by hand.
+
+<p>Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent
+in German village inns as they are rare in ours.
+Our villages are superior to German villages in
+more merits, excellences, conveniences, and privileges
+than I can enumerate, but the hotels do not belong in the list.
+
+<p>"The Naturalist Tavern" was not a meaningless name; for all
+the halls and all the rooms were lined with large glass
+cases which were filled with all sorts of birds and animals,
+glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and set up in the most natural
+eloquent and dramatic attitudes.  The moment we were abed,
+the rain cleared away and the moon came out.  I dozed off
+to sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl
+which was looking intently down on me from a high perch
+with the air of a person who thought he had met me before,
+but could not make out for certain.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p160a"></a><img alt="p160a.jpg (31K)" src="images/p160a.jpg" height="331" width="563">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>But young Z did not get off so easily.  He said that as he was
+sinking deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted away the shadows
+and developed a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed,
+but crouching, with every muscle tense, for a spring,
+and with its glittering glass eyes aimed straight at him.
+It made Z uncomfortable.  He tried closing his own eyes,
+but that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept
+making him open them again to see if the cat was still
+getting ready to launch at him&mdash;which she always was.
+He tried turning his back, but that was a failure;
+he knew the sinister eyes were on him still.  So at
+last he had to get up, after an hour or two of worry
+and experiment, and set the cat out in the hall.  So he won,
+that time.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p160b"></a><img alt="p160b.jpg (10K)" src="images/p160b.jpg" height="283" width="191">
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch18"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2>
+<h3>[The Kindly Courtesy of Germans]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+<p>In the morning we took breakfast in the garden,
+under the trees, in the delightful German summer fashion.
+The air was filled with the fragrance of flowers
+and wild animals; the living portion of the menagerie
+of the "Naturalist Tavern" was all about us.  There were
+great cages populous with fluttering and chattering
+foreign birds, and other great cages and greater wire pens,
+populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign.
+There were some free creatures, too, and quite sociable
+ones they were.  White rabbits went loping about the place,
+and occasionally came and sniffed at our shoes and shins;
+a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck, walked up and
+examined us fearlessly; rare breeds of chickens and
+doves begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless raven
+hopped about with a humble, shamefaced mein which said,
+"Please do not notice my exposure&mdash;think how you would
+feel in my circumstances, and be charitable." If he
+was observed too much, he would retire behind something
+and stay there until he judged the party's interest had
+found another object.  I never have seen another dumb
+creature that was so morbidly sensitive.  Bayard Taylor,
+who could interpret the dim reasonings of animals,
+and understood their moral natures better than most men,
+would have found some way to make this poor old chap forget
+his troubles for a while, but we have not his kindly art,
+and so had to leave the raven to his griefs.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p162"></a><img alt="p162.jpg (49K)" src="images/p162.jpg" height="387" width="543">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient
+castle of Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it.
+There were some curious old bas-reliefs leaning against
+the inner walls of the church&mdash;sculptured lords of
+Hirschhorn in complete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn
+in the picturesque court costumes of the Middle Ages.
+These things are suffering damage and passing to decay,
+for the last Hirschhorn has been dead two hundred years,
+and there is nobody now who cares to preserve the family relics.
+In the chancel was a twisted stone column, and the captain
+told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter
+of legends he could not seem to restrain himself; but I
+do not repeat his tale because there was nothing plausible
+about it except that the Hero wrenched this column into its
+present screw-shape with his hands &mdash;just one single wrench.
+All the rest of the legend was doubtful.
+
+<p>But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river.
+Then the clustered brown towers perched on the green hilltop,
+and the old battlemented stone wall, stretching up and over
+the grassy ridge and disappearing in the leafy sea beyond,
+make a picture whose grace and beauty entirely satisfy
+the eye.
+
+<p>We descended from the church by steep stone stairways
+which curved this way and that down narrow alleys
+between the packed and dirty tenements of the village.
+It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering,
+unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps
+and begged piteously.  The people of the quarter were not
+all idiots, of course, but all that begged seemed to be,
+and were said to be.
+
+<p>I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town,
+Necharsteinach; so I ran to the riverside in advance of
+the party and asked a man there if he had a boat to hire.
+I suppose I must have spoken High German&mdash;Court German&mdash;I
+intended it for that, anyway&mdash;so he did not understand me.
+I turned and twisted my question around and about,
+trying to strike that man's average, but failed.
+He could not make out what I wanted.  Now Mr. X arrived,
+faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied
+this sentence on him, in the most glib and confident way:
+"Can man boat get here?"
+
+<p>The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered.
+I can comprehend why he was able to understand that
+particular sentence, because by mere accident all the
+words in it except "get" have the same sound and the same
+meaning in German that they have in English; but how he
+managed to understand Mr. X's next remark puzzled me.
+I will insert it, presently.  X turned away a moment,
+and I asked the mariner if he could not find a board,
+and so construct an additional seat.  I spoke in the
+purest German, but I might as well have spoken in the
+purest Choctaw for all the good it did.  The man tried
+his best to understand me; he tried, and kept on trying,
+harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use,
+and said:
+
+<p>"There, don't strain yourself&mdash;it is of no consequence."
+
+<p>Then X turned to him and crisply said:
+
+<p>"MACHEN SIE a flat board."
+
+<p>I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if the man
+did not answer up at once, and say he would go and borrow
+a board as soon as he had lit the pipe which he was filling.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p164"></a><img alt="p164.jpg (30K)" src="images/p164.jpg" height="479" width="361">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we did not have
+to go.  I have given Mr. X's two remarks just as he made them.
+Four of the five words in the first one were English,
+and that they were also German was only accidental,
+not intentional; three out of the five words in the second
+remark were English, and English only, and the two German
+ones did not mean anything in particular, in such a connection.
+
+<p>X always spoke English to Germans, but his plan was
+to turn the sentence wrong end first and upside down,
+according to German construction, and sprinkle in a German
+word without any essential meaning to it, here and there,
+by way of flavor.  Yet he always made himself understood.
+He could make those dialect-speaking raftsmen understand
+him, sometimes, when even young Z had failed with them;
+and young Z was a pretty good German scholar.  For one thing,
+X always spoke with such confidence&mdash;perhaps that helped.
+And possibly the raftsmen's dialect was what is called
+PLATT-DEUTSCH, and so they found his English more familiar
+to their ears than another man's German.  Quite indifferent
+students of German can read Fritz Reuter's charming
+platt-Deutch tales with some little facility because many
+of the words are English.  I suppose this is the tongue
+which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them.
+By and by I will inquire of some other philologist.
+
+<p>However, in the mean time it had transpired that the men
+employed to calk the raft had found that the leak was not
+a leak at all, but only a crack between the logs&mdash;a crack
+that belonged there, and was not dangerous, but had been
+magnified into a leak by the disordered imagination of
+the mate.  Therefore we went aboard again with a good degree
+of confidence, and presently got to sea without accident.
+As we swam smoothly along between the enchanting shores,
+we fell to swapping notes about manners and customs
+in Germany and elsewhere.
+
+<p>As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us,
+by observing and noting and inquiring, diligently and day
+by day, had managed to lay in a most varied and opulent
+stock of misinformation.  But this is not surprising;
+it is very difficult to get accurate details in any country.
+For example, I had the idea once, in Heidelberg,
+to find out all about those five student-corps. I started
+with the White Cap corps.  I began to inquire of this
+and that and the other citizen, and here is what I found
+out:
+
+<p>1.  It is called the Prussian Corps, because none
+but Prussians are admitted to it.
+
+<p>2.  It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular reason.
+It has simply pleased each corps to name itself after
+some German state.
+
+<p>3.  It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but only
+the White Cap Corps.
+
+<p>4.  Any student can belong to it who is a German by birth.
+
+<p>5.  Any student can belong to it who is European by birth.
+
+<p>6.  Any European-born student can belong to it, except he
+be a Frenchman.
+
+<p>7.  Any student can belong to it, no matter where he
+was born.
+
+<p>8.  No student can belong to it who is not of noble blood.
+
+<p>9.  No student can belong to it who cannot show three full
+generations of noble descent.
+
+<p>10.  Nobility is not a necessary qualification.
+
+<p>11.  No moneyless student can belong to it.
+
+<p>12.  Money qualification is nonsense&mdash;such a thing has
+never been thought of.
+
+<p>I got some of this information from students
+themselves&mdash;students who did not belong to the corps.
+
+<p>I finally went to headquarters&mdash;to the White Caps&mdash;where I
+would have gone in the first place if I had been acquainted.
+But even at headquarters I found difficulties; I perceived
+that there were things about the White Cap Corps which
+one member knew and another one didn't. It was natural;
+for very few members of any organization know ALL that can
+be known about it.  I doubt there is a man or a woman
+in Heidelberg who would not answer promptly and confidently
+three out of every five questions about the White Cap Corps
+which a stranger might ask; yet it is a very safe bet
+that two of the three answers would be incorrect every time.
+
+<p>There is one German custom which is universal&mdash;the bowing
+courteously to strangers when sitting down at table or
+rising up from it.  This bow startles a stranger out of his
+self-possession, the first time it occurs, and he is likely
+to fall over a chair or something, in his embarrassment,
+but it pleases him, nevertheless.  One soon learns to expect
+this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it;
+but to learn to lead off and make the initial bow
+one's self is a difficult matter for a diffident man.
+One thinks, "If I rise to go, and tender my bow,
+and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads
+to ignore the custom of their nation, and not return it,
+how shall I feel, in case I survive to feel anything."
+Therefore he is afraid to venture.  He sits out the dinner,
+and makes the strangers rise first and originate the bowing.
+A table d'hôte dinner is a tedious affair for a man
+who seldom touches anything after the three first courses;
+therefore I used to do some pretty dreary waiting
+because of my fears.  It took me months to assure myself
+that those fears were groundless, but I did assure myself
+at last by experimenting diligently through my agent.
+I made Harris get up and bow and leave; invariably his bow
+was returned, then I got up and bowed myself and retired.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p167"></a><img alt="p167.jpg (33K)" src="images/p167.jpg" height="499" width="363">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Thus my education proceeded easily and comfortably for me,
+but not for Harris.  Three courses of a table d'hôte
+dinner were enough for me, but Harris preferred thirteen.
+
+<p>Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no longer needed
+the agent's help, I sometimes encountered difficulties.
+Once at Baden-Baden I nearly lost a train because I could
+not be sure that three young ladies opposite me at table
+were Germans, since I had not heard them speak; they might
+be American, they might be English, it was not safe to venture
+a bow; but just as I had got that far with my thought,
+one of them began a German remark, to my great relief
+and gratitude; and before she got out her third word,
+our bows had been delivered and graciously returned,
+and we were off.
+
+<p>There is a friendly something about the German character
+which is very winning.  When Harris and I were making
+a pedestrian tour through the Black Forest, we stopped at
+a little country inn for dinner one day; two young ladies
+and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us.
+They were pedestrians, too.  Our knapsacks were strapped
+upon our backs, but they had a sturdy youth along to carry
+theirs for them.  All parties were hungry, so there was
+no talking.  By and by the usual bows were exchanged,
+and we separated.
+
+<p>As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen,
+next morning, these young people entered and took places
+near us without observing us; but presently they saw
+us and at once bowed and smiled; not ceremoniously,
+but with the gratified look of people who have found
+acquaintances where they were expecting strangers.
+Then they spoke of the weather and the roads.  We also
+spoke of the weather and the roads.  Next, they said they
+had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the weather.
+We said that that had been our case, too.  Then they said
+they had walked thirty English miles the day before,
+and asked how many we had walked.  I could not lie, so I
+told Harris to do it.  Harris told them we had made thirty
+English miles, too.  That was true; we had "made" them,
+though we had had a little assistance here and there.
+
+<p>After breakfast they found us trying to blast some
+information out of the dumb hotel clerk about routes,
+and observing that we were not succeeding pretty well,
+they went and got their maps and things, and pointed
+out and explained our course so clearly that even a New
+York detective could have followed it.  And when we
+started they spoke out a hearty good-by and wished us
+a pleasant journey.  Perhaps they were more generous
+with us than they might have been with native wayfarers
+because we were a forlorn lot and in a strange land;
+I don't know; I only know it was lovely to be treated so.
+
+<p>Very well, I took an American young lady to one of the fine
+balls in Baden-Baden, one night, and at the entrance-door
+upstairs we were halted by an official&mdash;something about Miss
+Jones's dress was not according to rule; I don't remember
+what it was, now; something was wanting&mdash;her back hair,
+or a shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something.
+The official was ever so polite, and ever so sorry,
+but the rule was strict, and he could not let us in.
+It was very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us.
+But now a richly dressed girl stepped out of the ballroom,
+inquired into the trouble, and said she could fix it in
+a moment.  She took Miss Jones to the robing-room, and soon
+brought her back in regulation trim, and then we entered
+the ballroom with this benefactress unchallenged.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p169"></a><img alt="p169.jpg (43K)" src="images/p169.jpg" height="425" width="571">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere
+but ungrammatical thanks, when there was a sudden mutual
+recognition &mdash;the benefactress and I had met at Allerheiligen.
+Two weeks had not altered her good face, and plainly
+her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such
+a difference between these clothes and the clothes I
+had seen her in before, when she was walking thirty miles
+a day in the Black Forest, that it was quite natural
+that I had failed to recognize her sooner.  I had on MY
+other suit, too, but my German would betray me to a person
+who had heard it once, anyway.  She brought her brother
+and sister, and they made our way smooth for that evening.
+
+<p>Well&mdash;months afterward, I was driving through the streets
+of Munich in a cab with a German lady, one day, when she
+said:
+
+<p>"There, that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walking along there."
+
+<p>Everybody was bowing to them&mdash;cabmen, little children,
+and everybody else&mdash;and they were returning all the bows
+and overlooking nobody, when a young lady met them and made
+a deep courtesy.
+
+<p>"That is probably one of the ladies of the court,"
+said my German friend.
+
+<p>I said:
+
+<p>"She is an honor to it, then.  I know her.  I don't know
+her name, but I know HER.  I have known her at Allerheiligen
+and Baden-Baden. She ought to be an Empress, but she
+may be only a Duchess; it is the way things go in this way."
+
+<p>If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite
+sure to get a civil answer.  If you stop a German in the
+street and ask him to direct you to a certain place,
+he shows no sign of feeling offended.  If the place be
+difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own
+matters and go with you and show you.
+
+<p>In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several
+blocks with me to show me my way.
+
+<p>There is something very real about this sort of politeness.
+Quite often, in Germany, shopkeepers who could not furnish
+me the article I wanted have sent one of their employees
+with me to show me a place where it could be had.
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch19"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2>
+<h3>[The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>However, I wander from the raft.  We made the port
+of Necharsteinach in good season, and went to the hotel
+and ordered a trout dinner, the same to be ready
+against our return from a two-hour pedestrian excursion
+to the village and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant,
+on the other side of the river.  I do not mean that we
+proposed to be two hours making two miles&mdash;no, we meant
+to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg.
+
+<p>For Dilsberg is a quaint place.  It is most quaintly
+and picturesquely situated, too.  Imagine the beautiful
+river before you; then a few rods of brilliant green sward
+on its opposite shore; then a sudden hill&mdash;no preparatory
+gently rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous
+hill&mdash;a hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high,
+as round as a bowl, with the same taper upward that an
+inverted bowl has, and with about the same relation
+of height to diameter that distinguishes a bowl of good
+honest depth&mdash;a hill which is thickly clothed with
+green bushes&mdash;a comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly
+out of the dead level of the surrounding green plains,
+visible from a great distance down the bends of the river,
+and with just exactly room on the top of its head
+for its steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap
+of architecture, which same is tightly jammed and compacted
+within the perfectly round hoop of the ancient village wall.
+
+<p>There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill,
+or any vestige of a former house; all the houses are
+inside the wall, but there isn't room for another one.
+It is really a finished town, and has been finished
+a very long time.  There is no space between the wall
+and the first circle of buildings; no, the village wall
+is itself the rear wall of the first circle of buildings,
+and the roofs jut a little over the wall and thus
+furnish it with eaves.  The general level of the massed
+roofs is gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating
+towers of the ruined castle and the tall spires of a
+couple of churches; so, from a distance Dilsberg has
+rather more the look of a king's crown than a cap.
+That lofty green eminence and its quaint coronet form
+quite a striking picture, you may be sure, in the flush
+of the evening sun.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p172a"></a><img alt="p172a.jpg (13K)" src="images/p172a.jpg" height="305" width="315">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow,
+steep path which plunged us at once into the leafy deeps
+of the bushes.  But they were not cool deeps by any means,
+for the sun's rays were weltering hot and there was
+little or no breeze to temper them.  As we panted up
+the sharp ascent, we met brown, bareheaded and barefooted
+boys and girls, occasionally, and sometimes men;
+they came upon us without warning, they gave us good day,
+flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone as
+suddenly and mysteriously as they had come.  They were
+bound for the other side of the river to work.  This path
+had been traveled by many generations of these people.
+They have always gone down to the valley to earn their bread,
+but they have always climbed their hill again to eat it,
+and to sleep in their snug town.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p172b"></a><img alt="p172b.jpg (21K)" src="images/p172b.jpg" height="495" width="313">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much;
+they find that living up there above the world, in their
+peaceful nest, is pleasanter than living down in the
+troublous world.  The seven hundred inhabitants are all
+blood-kin to each other, too; they have always been blood-kin
+to each other for fifteen hundred years; they are simply
+one large family, and they like the home folks better than
+they like strangers, hence they persistently stay at home.
+It has been said that for ages Dilsberg has been merely
+a thriving and diligent idiot-factory. I saw no idiots there,
+but the captain said, "Because of late years the government
+has taken to lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres;
+and government wants to cripple the factory, too, and is
+trying to get these Dilsbergers to marry out of the family,
+but they don't like to."
+
+<p>The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science
+denies that the intermarrying of relatives deteriorates
+the stock.
+
+<p>Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village
+sights and life.  We moved along a narrow, crooked lane
+which had been paved in the Middle Ages.  A strapping,
+ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in a little
+bit of a good-box of a barn, and she swung her flail
+with a will&mdash;if it was a flail; I was not farmer enough
+to know what she was at; a frowsy, barelegged girl was
+herding half a dozen geese with a stick&mdash;driving them
+along the lane and keeping them out of the dwellings;
+a cooper was at work in a shop which I know he did not make
+so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room.
+In the front rooms of dwellings girls and women were
+cooking or spinning, and ducks and chickens were waddling
+in and out, over the threshold, picking up chance crumbs
+and holding pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled man
+sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast
+and his extinguished pipe in his lap; soiled children
+were playing in the dirt everywhere along the lane,
+unmindful of the sun.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p174"></a><img alt="p174.jpg (33K)" src="images/p174.jpg" height="343" width="515">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work,
+but the place was very still and peaceful, nevertheless;
+so still that the distant cackle of the successful hen smote
+upon the ear but little dulled by intervening sounds.
+That commonest of village sights was lacking here&mdash;the
+public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of
+limpid water, and its group of gossiping pitcher-bearers;
+for there is no well or fountain or spring on this tall hill;
+cisterns of rain-water are used.
+
+<p>Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention,
+and as we moved through the village we gathered a considerable
+procession of little boys and girls, and so went in some
+state to the castle.  It proved to be an extensive pile of
+crumbling walls, arches, and towers, massive, properly grouped
+for picturesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfactory.
+The children acted as guides; they walked us along the top
+of the highest walls, then took us up into a high tower
+and showed us a wide and beautiful landscape, made up
+of wavy distances of woody hills, and a nearer prospect
+of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one hand,
+and castle-graced crags and ridges on the other,
+with the shining curves of the Neckar flowing between.
+But the principal show, the chief pride of the children,
+was the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown court
+of the castle.  Its massive stone curb stands up three
+or four feet above-ground, and is whole and uninjured.
+The children said that in the Middle Ages this well was
+four hundred feet deep, and furnished all the village
+with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace.
+They said that in the old day its bottom was below the level
+of the Neckar, hence the water-supply was inexhaustible.
+
+<p>But there were some who believed it had never been a well
+at all, and was never deeper than it is now&mdash;eighty feet;
+that at that depth a subterranean passage branched from it
+and descended gradually to a remote place in the valley,
+where it opened into somebody's cellar or other hidden recess,
+and that the secret of this locality is now lost.
+Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the
+explanation that Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and many
+a soldier before him, was never taken: after the longest
+and closest sieges the besiegers were astonished to
+perceive that the besieged were as fat and hearty as ever,
+and were well furnished with munitions of war&mdash;therefore
+it must be that the Dilsbergers had been bringing these
+things in through the subterranean passage all the time.
+
+<p>The children said that there was in truth a subterranean
+outlet down there, and they would prove it.  So they set
+a great truss of straw on fire and threw it down the well,
+while we leaned on the curb and watched the glowing
+mass descend.  It struck bottom and gradually burned out.
+No smoke came up.  The children clapped their hands and
+said:
+
+<p>"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as burning straw&mdash;now
+where did the smoke go to, if there is no subterranean outlet?"
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p176"></a><img alt="p176.jpg (21K)" src="images/p176.jpg" height="334" width="400">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean outlet
+indeed existed.  But the finest thing within the ruin's
+limits was a noble linden, which the children said was
+four hundred years old, and no doubt it was.  It had
+a mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage.
+The limbs near the ground were nearly the thickness
+of a barrel.
+
+<p>That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in
+mail&mdash;how remote such a time seems, and how ungraspable is the
+fact that real men ever did fight in real armor!&mdash;and it
+had seen the time when these broken arches and crumbling
+battlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress,
+fluttering its gay banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous
+humanity&mdash;how impossibly long ago that seems!&mdash;and here
+it stands yet, and possibly may still be standing here,
+sunning itself and dreaming its historical dreams,
+when today shall have been joined to the days called "ancient."
+
+<p>Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the captain
+delivered himself of his legend:
+<br>
+<center><h3>THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE</h3></center>
+
+<p>It was to this effect.  In the old times there was once
+a great company assembled at the castle, and festivity
+ran high.  Of course there was a haunted chamber
+in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon that.
+It was said that whoever slept in it would not wake again
+for fifty years.  Now when a young knight named Conrad
+von Geisberg heard this, he said that if the castle were
+his he would destroy that chamber, so that no foolish
+person might have the chance to bring so dreadful
+a misfortune upon himself and afflict such as loved
+him with the memory of it.  Straightway, the company
+privately laid their heads together to contrive some
+way to get this superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber.
+
+<p>
+And they succeeded&mdash;in this way.  They persuaded
+his betrothed, a lovely mischievous young creature,
+niece of the lord of the castle, to help them in their plot.
+She presently took him aside and had speech with him.
+She used all her persuasions, but could not shake him;
+he said his belief was firm, that if he should sleep
+there he would wake no more for fifty years, and it made
+him shudder to think of it.  Catharina began to weep.
+This was a better argument; Conrad could not hold out against it.
+He yielded and said she should have her wish if she would only
+smile and be happy again.  She flung her arms about his neck,
+and the kisses she gave him showed that her thankfulness
+and her pleasure were very real.  Then she flew to tell
+the company her success, and the applause she received
+made her glad and proud she had undertaken her mission,
+since all alone she had accomplished what the multitude had
+failed in.
+
+<p>At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting,
+Conrad was taken to the haunted chamber and left there.
+He fell asleep, by and by.
+
+<p>When he awoke again and looked about him, his heart
+stood still with horror! The whole aspect of the chamber
+was changed.  The walls were moldy and hung with
+ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were rotten;
+the furniture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces.
+He sprang out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk under
+him and he fell to the floor.
+
+<p>"This is the weakness of age," he said.
+
+<p>He rose and sought his clothing.  It was clothing no longer.
+The colors were gone, the garments gave way in many places
+while he was putting them on.  He fled, shuddering,
+into the corridor, and along it to the great hall.  Here he
+was met by a middle-aged stranger of a kind countenance,
+who stopped and gazed at him with surprise.  Conrad said:
+
+<p>"Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrich?"
+
+<p>The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said:
+
+<p>"The lord Ulrich?"
+
+<p>"Yes&mdash;if you will be so good."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p178"></a><img alt="p178.jpg (19K)" src="images/p178.jpg" height="287" width="329">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The stranger called&mdash;"Wilhelm!" A young serving-man came,
+and the stranger said to him:
+
+<p>"Is there a lord Ulrich among the guests?"
+
+<p>"I know none of the name, so please your honor."
+
+<p>Conrad said, hesitatingly:
+
+<p>"I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the castle, sir."
+
+<p>The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering glances.
+Then the former said:
+
+<p>"I am the lord of the castle."
+
+<p>"Since when, sir?"
+
+<p>"Since the death of my father, the good lord Ulrich
+more than forty years ago."
+
+<p>Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his
+hands while he rocked his body to and fro and moaned.
+The stranger said in a low voice to the servant:
+
+<p>"I fear me this poor old creature is mad.  Call some one."
+
+<p>In a moment several people came, and grouped themselves about,
+talking in whispers.  Conrad looked up and scanned
+the faces about him wistfully.
+
+<p>Then he shook his head and said, in a grieved voice:
+
+<p>"No, there is none among ye that I know.  I am old and alone
+in the world.  They are dead and gone these many years
+that cared for me.  But sure, some of these aged ones I see
+about me can tell me some little word or two concerning them."
+
+<p>Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer
+and answered his questions about each former friend
+as he mentioned the names.  This one they said had been
+dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty.
+Each succeeding blow struck heavier and heavier.
+At last the sufferer said:
+
+<p>"There is one more, but I have not the courage to&mdash;O
+my lost Catharina!"
+
+<p>One of the old dames said:
+
+<p>"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul.  A misfortune overtook
+her lover, and she died of sorrow nearly fifty years ago.
+She lieth under the linden tree without the court."
+
+<p>Conrad bowed his head and said:
+
+<p>"Ah, why did I ever wake! And so she died of grief for me,
+poor child.  So young, so sweet, so good! She never wittingly
+did a hurtful thing in all the little summer of her life.
+Her loving debt shall be repaid&mdash;for I will die of grief
+for her."
+
+<p>His head drooped upon his breast.  In the moment there
+was a wild burst of joyous laughter, a pair of round
+young arms were flung about Conrad's neck and a sweet
+voice cried:
+
+<p>"There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill me&mdash;the farce
+shall go no further! Look up, and laugh with us&mdash;'twas
+all a jest!"
+
+<p>And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed
+wonderment&mdash;for the disguises were stripped away, and the aged
+men and women were bright and young and gay again.
+Catharina's happy tongue ran on:
+
+<p>"'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out.
+They gave you a heavy sleeping-draught before you went
+to bed, and in the night they bore you to a ruined chamber
+where all had fallen to decay, and placed these rags
+of clothing by you.  And when your sleep was spent and you
+came forth, two strangers, well instructed in their parts,
+were here to meet you; and all we, your friends,
+in our disguises, were close at hand, to see and hear,
+you may be sure.  Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now,
+and make thee ready for the pleasures of the day.
+How real was thy misery for the moment, thou poor lad!
+Look up and have thy laugh, now!"
+
+<p>He looked up, searched the merry faces about him
+in a dreamy way, then sighed and said:
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p180"></a><img alt="p180.jpg (28K)" src="images/p180.jpg" height="347" width="535">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>"I am aweary, good strangers, I pray you lead me to her grave."
+
+<p>All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched,
+Catharina sunk to the ground in a swoon.
+
+<p>All day the people went about the castle with troubled faces,
+and communed together in undertones.  A painful hush
+pervaded the place which had lately been so full of
+cheery life.  Each in his turn tried to arouse Conrad
+out of his hallucination and bring him to himself;
+but all the answer any got was a meek, bewildered stare,
+and then the words:
+
+<p>"Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest these
+many years; ye speak me fair, ye mean me well, but I know
+ye not; I am alone and forlorn in the world&mdash;prithee
+lead me to her grave."
+
+<p>During two years Conrad spent his days, from the
+early morning till the night, under the linden tree,
+mourning over the imaginary grave of his Catharina.
+Catharina was the only company of the harmless madman.
+He was very friendly toward her because, as he said,
+in some ways she reminded him of his Catharina whom he had
+lost "fifty years ago." He often said:
+
+<p>"She was so gay, so happy-hearted&mdash;but you never smile;
+and always when you think I am not looking, you cry."
+
+<p>When Conrad died, they buried him under the linden,
+according to his directions, so that he might rest
+"near his poor Catharina." Then Catharina sat under
+the linden alone, every day and all day long, a great
+many years, speaking to no one, and never smiling;
+and at last her long repentance was rewarded with death,
+and she was buried by Conrad's side.
+
+<p>Harris pleased the captain by saying it was good legend;
+and pleased him further by adding:
+
+<p>"Now that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous with
+its four hundred years, I feel a desire to believe
+the legend for ITS sake; so I will humor the desire,
+and consider that the tree really watches over those poor
+hearts and feels a sort of human tenderness for them."
+
+<p>We returned to Necharsteinach, plunged our hot heads
+into the trough at the town pump, and then went to the
+hotel and ate our trout dinner in leisurely comfort,
+in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing at our feet,
+the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and the graceful
+towers and battlements of a couple of medieval castles
+(called the "Swallow's Nest" [1] and "The Brothers.")
+assisting the rugged scenery of a bend of the river
+down to our right.  We got to sea in season to make the
+eight-mile run to Heidelberg before the night shut down.
+We sailed by the hotel in the mellow glow of sunset,
+and came slashing down with the mad current into the narrow
+passage between the dikes.  I believed I could shoot the
+bridge myself, and I went to the forward triplet of logs
+and relieved the pilot of his pole and his responsibility.
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+     1.  The seeker after information is referred to Appendix E<br>
+     for our captain's legend of the "Swallow's Nest" and <br>
+     "The Brothers."<br>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p182"></a><img alt="p182.jpg (29K)" src="images/p182.jpg" height="593" width="385">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, and I
+performed the delicate duties of my office very well indeed
+for a first attempt; but perceiving, presently, that I
+really was going to shoot the bridge itself instead
+of the archway under it, I judiciously stepped ashore.
+The next moment I had my long-coveted desire: I saw
+a raft wrecked.  It hit the pier in the center and went
+all to smash and scatteration like a box of matches
+struck by lightning.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p183a"></a><img alt="p183a.jpg (19K)" src="images/p183a.jpg" height="345" width="343">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I was the only one of our party who saw this grand sight;
+the others were attitudinizing, for the benefit of the long
+rank of young ladies who were promenading on the bank,
+and so they lost it.  But I helped to fish them out of
+the river, down below the bridge, and then described it
+to them as well as I could.
+
+<p>They were not interested, though.  They said they were
+wet and felt ridiculous and did not care anything for
+descriptions of scenery.  The young ladies, and other people,
+crowded around and showed a great deal of sympathy,
+but that did not help matters; for my friends said they
+did not want sympathy, they wanted a back alley and solitude.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p183b"></a><img alt="p183b.jpg (20K)" src="images/p183b.jpg" height="263" width="511">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch20"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XX</h2>
+<h3>[My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+<p>Next morning brought good news&mdash;our trunks had arrived
+from Hamburg at last.  Let this be a warning to the reader.
+The Germans are very conscientious, and this trait makes
+them very particular.  Therefore if you tell a German you
+want a thing done immediately, he takes you at your word;
+he thinks you mean what you say; so he does that thing
+immediately&mdash;according to his idea of
+immediately&mdash;which is about a week; that is, it is a week if it refers
+to the building of a garment, or it is an hour and a half
+if it refers to the cooking of a trout.  Very well; if you
+tell a German to send your trunk to you by "slow freight,"
+he takes you at your word; he sends it by "slow freight,"
+and you cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarging
+your admiration of the expressiveness of that phrase
+in the German tongue, before you get that trunk.
+The hair on my trunk was soft and thick and youthful,
+when I got it ready for shipment in Hamburg; it was baldheaded
+when it reached Heidelberg.  However, it was still sound,
+that was a comfort, it was not battered in the least;
+the baggagemen seemed to be conscientiously careful,
+in Germany, of the baggage entrusted to their hands.
+There was nothing now in the way of our departure, therefore we
+set about our preparations.
+
+<p>Naturally my chief solicitude was about my collection
+of Ceramics.  Of course I could not take it with me,
+that would be inconvenient, and dangerous besides.
+I took advice, but the best brick-a-brackers were divided
+as to the wisest course to pursue; some said pack the
+collection and warehouse it; others said try to get it
+into the Grand Ducal Museum at Mannheim for safe keeping.
+So I divided the collection, and followed the advice of
+both parties.  I set aside, for the Museum, those articles
+which were the most frail and precious.
+
+<p>Among these was my Etruscan tear-jug. I have made a little
+sketch of it here; that thing creeping up
+the side is not a bug, it is a hole.  I bought this
+tear-jug of a dealer in antiquities for four hundred
+and fifty dollars.  It is very rare.  The man said the
+Etruscans used to keep tears or something in these things,
+and that it was very hard to get hold of a broken one, now.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p185a"></a><img alt="p185a.jpg (3K)" src="images/p185a.jpg" height="245" width="175">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I also set aside my Henri II.  plate.  See sketch
+from my pencil; it is in the main correct,
+though I think I have foreshortened one end of it a little
+too much, perhaps.  This is very fine and rare; the shape
+is exceedingly beautiful and unusual.  It has wonderful
+decorations on it, but I am not able to reproduce them.
+It cost more than the tear-jug, as the dealer said
+there was not another plate just like it in the world.
+He said there was much false Henri II ware around,
+but that the genuineness of this piece was unquestionable.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p185b"></a><img alt="p185b.jpg (3K)" src="images/p185b.jpg" height="197" width="215">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>He showed me its pedigree, or its history, if you please;
+it was a document which traced this plate's movements
+all the way down from its birth&mdash;showed who bought it,
+from whom, and what he paid for it&mdash;from the first buyer
+down to me, whereby I saw that it had gone steadily up
+from thirty-five cents to seven hundred dollars.  He said
+that the whole Ceramic world would be informed that it
+was now in my possession and would make a note of it,
+with the price paid.  [Figure 8]
+
+<p>There were Masters in those days, but, alas&mdash;it is not so now.
+Of course the main preciousness of this piece lies in its color;
+it is that old sensuous, pervading, ramifying, interpolating,
+transboreal blue which is the despair of modern art.
+The little sketch which I have made of this gem cannot
+and does not do it justice, since I have been obliged
+to leave out the color.  But I've got the expression, though.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p186"></a><img alt="p186.jpg (70K)" src="images/p186.jpg" height="937" width="611">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>However, I must not be frittering away the reader's time
+with these details.  I did not intend to go into any
+detail at all, at first, but it is the failing of the
+true ceramiker, or the true devotee in any department
+of brick-a-brackery, that once he gets his tongue or his
+pen started on his darling theme, he cannot well stop
+until he drops from exhaustion.  He has no more sense
+of the flight of time than has any other lover when talking
+of his sweetheart.  The very "marks" on the bottom
+of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into
+a gibbering ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning
+relative to help dispute about whether the stopple
+of a departed Buon Retiro scent-bottle was genuine or spurious.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p188"></a><img alt="p188.jpg (34K)" src="images/p188.jpg" height="539" width="377">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Many people say that for a male person, bric-a-brac hunting
+is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes,
+or decorating Japanese pots with decalcomania butterflies
+would be, and these people fling mud at the elegant Englishman,
+Byng, who wrote a book called THE BRIC-A-BRAC HUNTER,
+and make fun of him for chasing around after what they choose
+to call "his despicable trifles"; and for "gushing" over
+these trifles; and for exhibiting his "deep infantile delight"
+in what they call his "tuppenny collection of beggarly
+trivialities"; and for beginning his book with a picture
+of himself seated, in a "sappy, self-complacent attitude,
+in the midst of his poor little ridiculous bric-a-brac junk
+shop."
+
+<p>It is easy to say these things; it is easy to revile us,
+easy to despise us; therefore, let these people rail on;
+they cannot feel as Byng and I feel&mdash;it is their loss,
+not ours.  For my part I am content to be a brick-a-bracker
+and a ceramiker&mdash;more, I am proud to be so named.
+I am proud to know that I lose my reason as immediately
+in the presence of a rare jug with an illustrious mark
+on the bottom of it, as if I had just emptied that jug.
+Very well; I packed and stored a part of my collection,
+and the rest of it I placed in the care of the Grand Ducal
+Museum in Mannheim, by permission.  My Old Blue China
+Cat remains there yet.  I presented it to that excellent
+institution.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p189"></a><img alt="p189.jpg (97K)" src="images/p189.jpg" height="941" width="557">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I had but one misfortune with my things.  An egg which I
+had kept back from breakfast that morning, was broken
+in packing.  It was a great pity.  I had shown it to the
+best connoisseurs in Heidelberg, and they all said it
+was an antique.  We spent a day or two in farewell visits,
+and then left for Baden-Baden. We had a pleasant
+trip to it, for the Rhine valley is always lovely.
+The only trouble was that the trip was too short.
+If I remember rightly it only occupied a couple of hours,
+therefore I judge that the distance was very little,
+if any, over fifty miles.  We quitted the train at Oos,
+and walked the entire remaining distance to Baden-Baden,
+with the exception of a lift of less than an hour which we
+got on a passing wagon, the weather being exhaustingly warm.
+We came into town on foot.
+
+<p>One of the first persons we encountered, as we walked
+up the street, was the Rev. Mr. &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, an old friend
+from America&mdash;a lucky encounter, indeed, for his is
+a most gentle, refined, and sensitive nature, and his
+company and companionship are a genuine refreshment.
+We knew he had been in Europe some time, but were not
+at all expecting to run across him.  Both parties burst
+forth into loving enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr. &mdash;&mdash;&mdash; said:
+
+<p>"I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour out
+on you, and an empty one ready and thirsting to receive
+what you have got; we will sit up till midnight
+and have a good satisfying interchange, for I leave
+here early in the morning." We agreed to that, of course.
+
+<p>I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a person
+who was walking in the street abreast of us; I had glanced
+furtively at him once or twice, and noticed that he
+was a fine, large, vigorous young fellow, with an open,
+independent countenance, faintly shaded with a pale
+and even almost imperceptible crop of early down,
+and that he was clothed from head to heel in cool and
+enviable snow-white linen.  I thought I had also noticed
+that his head had a sort of listening tilt to it.
+Now about this time the Rev. Mr. &mdash;&mdash;&mdash; said:
+
+<p>"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, so I will
+walk behind; but keep the talk going, keep the talk going,
+there's no time to lose, and you may be sure I will do
+my share." He ranged himself behind us, and straightway that
+stately snow-white young fellow closed up to the sidewalk
+alongside him, fetched him a cordial slap on the shoulder
+with his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeriness:
+
+<p>"AMERICANS for two-and-a-half and the money up! HEY?"
+
+<p>The Reverend winced, but said mildly:
+
+<p>"Yes&mdash;we are Americans."
+
+<p>"Lord love you, you can just bet that's what _I_ am,
+every time! Put it there!"
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p192"></a><img alt="p192.jpg (22K)" src="images/p192.jpg" height="325" width="439">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>He held out his Sahara of his palm, and the Reverend laid
+his diminutive hand in it, and got so cordial a shake
+that we heard his glove burst under it.
+
+<p>"Say, didn't I put you up right?"
+
+<p>"Oh, yes."
+
+<p>"Sho! I spotted you for MY kind the minute I heard
+your clack.  You been over here long?"
+
+<p>"About four months.  Have you been over long?"
+
+<p>"LONG? Well, I should say so! Going on two YEARS,
+by geeminy! Say, are you homesick?"
+
+<p>"No, I can't say that I am.  Are you?"
+
+<p>"Oh, HELL, yes!" This with immense enthusiasm.
+
+<p>The Reverend shrunk a little, in his clothes, and we
+were aware, rather by instinct than otherwise, that he
+was throwing out signals of distress to us; but we did
+not interfere or try to succor him, for we were quite happy.
+
+<p>The young fellow hooked his arm into the Reverend's, now,
+with the confiding and grateful air of a waif who has
+been longing for a friend, and a sympathetic ear,
+and a chance to lisp once more the sweet accents of the
+mother-tongue&mdash;and then he limbered up the muscles
+of his mouth and turned himself loose&mdash;and with such a
+relish! Some of his words were not Sunday-school words,
+so I am obliged to put blanks where they occur.
+
+<p>"Yes indeedy! If _I_ ain't an American there AIN'T
+any Americans, that's all.  And when I heard you fellows
+gassing away in the good old American language, I'm &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+if it wasn't all I could do to keep from hugging you! My
+tongue's all warped with trying to curl it around these
+&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; forsaken wind-galled nine-jointed German words here;
+now I TELL you it's awful good to lay it over a Christian
+word once more and kind of let the old taste soak it.
+I'm from western New York.  My name is Cholley Adams.
+I'm a student, you know.  Been here going on two years.
+I'm learning to be a horse-doctor! I LIKE that part of it,
+you know, but &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;these people, they won't learn a fellow
+in his own language, they make him learn in German; so before
+I could tackle the horse-doctoring I had to tackle this
+miserable language.
+
+<p>"First off, I thought it would certainly give me
+the botts, but I don't mind now.  I've got it where the
+hair's short, I think; and dontchuknow, they made me
+learn Latin, too.  Now between you and me, I wouldn't
+give a &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;for all the Latin that was ever jabbered;
+and the first thing _I_ calculate to do when I get through,
+is to just sit down and forget it.  'Twon't take me long,
+and I don't mind the time, anyway.  And I tell you what!
+the difference between school-teaching over yonder and
+school-teaching over here&mdash;sho! WE don't know anything
+about it! Here you've got to peg and peg and peg and there
+just ain't any let-up&mdash;and what you learn here, you've got
+to KNOW, dontchuknow &mdash;or else you'll have one of these
+&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; spavined, spectacles, ring-boned, knock-kneed old
+professors in your hair.  I've been here long ENOUGH,
+and I'm getting blessed tired of it, mind I TELL you.
+The old man wrote me that he was coming over in June,
+and said he'd take me home in August, whether I was done
+with my education or not, but durn him, he didn't come;
+never said why; just sent me a hamper of Sunday-school
+books, and told me to be good, and hold on a while.
+I don't take to Sunday-school books, dontchuknow&mdash;I
+don't hanker after them when I can get pie&mdash;but I
+READ them, anyway, because whatever the old man tells
+me to do, that's the thing that I'm a-going to DO,
+or tear something, you know.  I buckled in and read
+all those books, because he wanted me to; but that kind
+of thing don't excite ME, I like something HEARTY.
+But I'm awful homesick.  I'm homesick from ear-socket
+to crupper, and from crupper to hock-joint; but it ain't
+any use, I've got to stay here, till the old man drops
+the rag and give the word&mdash;yes, SIR, right here in this
+&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; country I've got to linger till the old man says
+COME!&mdash;and you bet your bottom dollar, Johnny, it AIN'T
+just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins!"
+
+<p>At the end of this profane and cordial explosion he
+fetched a prodigious "WHOOSH!" to relieve his lungs
+and make recognition of the heat, and then he straightway
+dived into his narrative again for "Johnny's" benefit,
+beginning, "Well, &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;it ain't any use talking,
+some of those old American words DO have a kind
+of a bully swing to them; a man can EXPRESS himself
+with 'em&mdash;a man can get at what he wants to SAY, dontchuknow."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p194"></a><img alt="p194.jpg (12K)" src="images/p194.jpg" height="335" width="207">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he was
+about to lose the Reverend, he showed so much sorrow,
+and begged so hard and so earnestly that the Reverend's heart
+was not hard enough to hold out against the
+pleadings&mdash;so he went away with the parent-honoring student, like a
+right Christian, and took supper with him in his lodgings,
+and sat in the surf-beat of his slang and profanity
+till near midnight, and then left him&mdash;left him pretty
+well talked out, but grateful "clear down to his frogs,"
+as he expressed it.  The Reverend said it had transpired
+during the interview that "Cholley" Adams's father
+was an extensive dealer in horses in western New York;
+this accounted for Cholley's choice of a profession.
+The Reverend brought away a pretty high opinion of
+Cholley as a manly young fellow, with stuff in him for
+a useful citizen; he considered him rather a rough gem,
+but a gem, nevertheless.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p195"></a><img alt="p195.jpg (13K)" src="images/p195.jpg" height="251" width="397">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch21"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2>
+<h3>[Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>Baden-Baden sits in the lap of the hills, and the natural
+and artificial beauties of the surroundings are combined
+effectively and charmingly.  The level strip of ground
+which stretches through and beyond the town is laid
+out in handsome pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees
+and adorned at intervals with lofty and sparkling
+fountain-jets. Thrice a day a fine band makes music
+in the public promenade before the Conversation House,
+and in the afternoon and evening that locality is populous
+with fashionably dressed people of both sexes, who march
+back and forth past the great music-stand and look very
+much bored, though they make a show of feeling otherwise.
+It seems like a rather aimless and stupid existence.
+A good many of these people are there for a real
+purpose, however; they are racked with rheumatism,
+and they are there to stew it out in the hot baths.
+These invalids looked melancholy enough, limping about on
+their canes and crutches, and apparently brooding over
+all sorts of cheerless things.  People say that Germany,
+with her damp stone houses, is the home of rheumatism.
+If that is so, Providence must have foreseen that it
+would be so, and therefore filled the land with the
+healing baths.  Perhaps no other country is so generously
+supplied with medicinal springs as Germany.  Some of
+these baths are good for one ailment, some for another;
+and again, peculiar ailments are conquered by combining
+the individual virtues of several different baths.
+For instance, for some forms of disease, the patient drinks
+the native hot water of Baden-Baden, with a spoonful
+of salt from the Carlsbad springs dissolved in it.
+That is not a dose to be forgotten right away.
+
+<p>They don't SELL this hot water; no, you go into the
+great Trinkhalle, and stand around, first on one foot
+and then on the other, while two or three young girls
+sit pottering at some sort of ladylike sewing-work
+in your neighborhood and can't seem to see you &mdash;polite
+as three-dollar clerks in government offices.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p197"></a><img alt="p197.jpg (41K)" src="images/p197.jpg" height="727" width="405">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>By and by one of these rises painfully, and
+"stretches"&mdash;stretches fists and body heavenward till she raises
+her heels from the floor, at the same time refreshing herself with a yawn
+of such comprehensiveness that the bulk of her face disappears
+behind her upper lip and one is able to see how she is
+constructed inside&mdash;then she slowly closes her cavern,
+brings down her fists and her heels, comes languidly forward,
+contemplates you contemptuously, draws you a glass of hot water
+and sets it down where you can get it by reaching for it.  You
+take it and say:
+
+<p>"How much?"&mdash;and she returns you, with elaborate indifference,
+a beggar's answer:
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE" (what you please.)
+
+<p>This thing of using the common beggar's trick and the common
+beggar's shibboleth to put you on your liberality when you
+were expecting a simple straightforward commercial transaction,
+adds a little to your prospering sense of irritation.
+You ignore her reply, and ask again:
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>&mdash;and she calmly, indifferently, repeats:
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>You are getting angry, but you are trying not to show it;
+you resolve to keep on asking your question till she changes
+her answer, or at least her annoyingly indifferent manner.
+Therefore, if your case be like mine, you two fools
+stand there, and without perceptible emotion of any kind,
+or any emphasis on any syllable, you look blandly into each
+other's eyes, and hold the following idiotic conversation:
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>"How much?"
+
+<p>"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+<p>I do not know what another person would have done,
+but at this point I gave up; that cast-iron indifference,
+that tranquil contemptuousness, conquered me, and I struck
+my colors.  Now I knew she was used to receiving about a
+penny from manly people who care nothing about the opinions
+of scullery-maids, and about tuppence from moral cowards;
+but I laid a silver twenty-five cent piece within her
+reach and tried to shrivel her up with this sarcastic
+speech:
+
+<p>"If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently from
+your official dignity to say so?"
+
+<p>She did not shrivel.  Without deigning to look at me at all,
+she languidly lifted the coin and bit it!&mdash;to see if it
+was good.  Then she turned her back and placidly waddled
+to her former roost again, tossing the money into an open
+till as she went along.  She was victor to the last,
+you see.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p198"></a><img alt="p198.jpg (24K)" src="images/p198.jpg" height="345" width="339">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl because they
+are typical; her manners are the manners of a goodly
+number of the Baden-Baden shopkeepers.  The shopkeeper
+there swindles you if he can, and insults you whether
+he succeeds in swindling you or not.  The keepers of
+baths also take great and patient pains to insult you.
+The frowsy woman who sat at the desk in the lobby
+of the great Friederichsbad and sold bath tickets,
+not only insulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity
+to her great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat
+me out of a shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled
+her to ten.  Baden-Baden's splendid gamblers are gone,
+only her microscopic knaves remain.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p199"></a><img alt="p199.jpg (23K)" src="images/p199.jpg" height="483" width="331">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>An English gentleman who had been living there
+several years, said:
+
+<p>"If you could disguise your nationality, you would not
+find any insolence here.  These shopkeepers detest the
+English and despise the Americans; they are rude to both,
+more especially to ladies of your nationality and mine.
+If these go shopping without a gentleman or a man-servant,
+they are tolerably sure to be subjected to petty
+insolences&mdash;insolences of manner and tone, rather than word,
+though words that are hard to bear are not always wanting.
+I know of an instance where a shopkeeper tossed a coin back
+to an American lady with the remark, snappishly uttered,
+'We don't take French money here.' And I know of a case
+where an English lady said to one of these shopkeepers,
+'Don't you think you ask too much for this article?'
+and he replied with the question, 'Do you think you are
+obliged to buy it?' However, these people are not impolite
+to Russians or Germans.  And as to rank, they worship that,
+for they have long been used to generals and nobles.
+If you wish to see what abysses servility can descend,
+present yourself before a Baden-Baden shopkeeper in the
+character of a Russian prince."
+
+<p>It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty fraud,
+and snobbery, but the baths are good.  I spoke with
+many people, and they were all agreed in that.  I had
+the twinges of rheumatism unceasingly during three years,
+but the last one departed after a fortnight's bathing there,
+and I have never had one since.  I fully believe I left my
+rheumatism in Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is welcome to it.
+It was little, but it was all I had to give.  I would
+have preferred to leave something that was catching,
+but it was not in my power.
+
+<p>There are several hot springs there, and during two
+thousand years they have poured forth a never-diminishing
+abundance of the healing water.  This water is conducted
+in pipe to the numerous bath-houses, and is reduced to
+an endurable temperature by the addition of cold water.
+The new Friederichsbad is a very large and beautiful building,
+and in it one may have any sort of bath that has ever
+been invented, and with all the additions of herbs and
+drugs that his ailment may need or that the physician
+of the establishment may consider a useful thing to put
+into the water.  You go there, enter the great door,
+get a bow graduated to your style and clothes from the
+gorgeous portier, and a bath ticket and an insult from
+the frowsy woman for a quarter; she strikes a bell and a
+serving-man conducts you down a long hall and shuts you
+into a commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror,
+a bootjack, and a sofa in it, and there you undress
+at your leisure.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p201"></a><img alt="p201.jpg (22K)" src="images/p201.jpg" height="297" width="519">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The room is divided by a great curtain; you draw this
+curtain aside, and find a large white marble bathtub,
+with its rim sunk to the level of the floor,
+and with three white marble steps leading down to it.
+This tub is full of water which is as clear as crystal,
+and is tempered to 28 degrees Re'aumur (about 95 degrees
+Fahrenheit). Sunk into the floor, by the tub, is a covered
+copper box which contains some warm towels and a sheet.
+You look fully as white as an angel when you are stretched
+out in that limpid bath.  You remain in it ten minutes,
+the first time, and afterward increase the duration from
+day to day, till you reach twenty-five or thirty minutes.
+There you stop.  The appointments of the place are
+so luxurious, the benefit so marked, the price so moderate,
+and the insults so sure, that you very soon find yourself
+adoring the Friederichsbad and infesting it.
+
+<p>We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good hotel,
+in Baden-Baden&mdash;the Hôtel de France&mdash;and alongside my room
+I had a giggling, cackling, chattering family who always
+went to bed just two hours after me and always got up two
+hours ahead of me.  But this is common in German hotels;
+the people generally go to bed long after eleven and get
+up long before eight.  The partitions convey sound
+like a drum-head, and everybody knows it; but no matter,
+a German family who are all kindness and consideration
+in the daytime make apparently no effort to moderate
+their noises for your benefit at night.  They will sing,
+laugh, and talk loudly, and bang furniture around in a most
+pitiless way.  If you knock on your wall appealingly,
+they will quiet down and discuss the matter softly among
+themselves for a moment&mdash;then, like the mice, they fall
+to persecuting you again, and as vigorously as before.
+They keep cruelly late and early hours, for such noisy folk.
+
+<p>Of course, when one begins to find fault with foreign
+people's ways, he is very likely to get a reminder to look
+nearer home, before he gets far with it.  I open my note-book
+to see if I can find some more information of a valuable
+nature about Baden-Baden, and the first thing I fall upon is
+this:
+
+<p>"BADEN-BADEN (no date). Lot of vociferous Americans
+at breakfast this morning.  Talking AT everybody,
+while pretending to talk among themselves.  On their
+first travels, manifestly.  Showing off.  The usual
+signs&mdash;airy, easy-going references to grand distances
+and foreign places.  'Well GOOD-by, old
+fellow&mdash;if I don't run across you in Italy, you hunt me up in
+London before you sail.'"
+
+<p>The next item which I find in my note-book is this one:
+
+<p>"The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now murdering
+our frontiersmen at their impudent leisure, and that we
+are only able to send 1,200 soldiers against them,
+is utilized here to discourage emigration to America.
+The common people think the Indians are in New Jersey."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p203"></a><img alt="p203.jpg (35K)" src="images/p203.jpg" height="475" width="359">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>This is a new and peculiar argument against keeping our army
+down to a ridiculous figure in the matter of numbers.
+It is rather a striking one, too.  I have not distorted
+the truth in saying that the facts in the above item,
+about the army and the Indians, are made use of to
+discourage emigration to America.  That the common
+people should be rather foggy in their geography,
+and foggy as to the location of the Indians, is a matter
+for amusement, maybe, but not of surprise.
+
+<p>There is an interesting old cemetery in Baden-Baden, and
+we spent several pleasant hours in wandering through it
+and spelling out the inscriptions on the aged tombstones.
+Apparently after a man has laid there a century or two,
+and has had a good many people buried on top of him,
+it is considered that his tombstone is not needed by him
+any longer.  I judge so from the fact that hundreds
+of old gravestones have been removed from the graves
+and placed against the inner walls of the cemetery.
+What artists they had in the old times! They chiseled angels
+and cherubs and devils and skeletons on the tombstones
+in the most lavish and generous way&mdash;as to supply&mdash;but
+curiously grotesque and outlandish as to form.  It is not
+always easy to tell which of the figures belong among
+the blest and which of them among the opposite party.
+But there was an inscription, in French, on one of those
+old stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was plainly
+not the work of any other than a poet.  It was to this
+effect:
+
+<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>
+    Here Reposes in God, Caroline de Clery, a Religieuse
+    of St. Denis aged 83 years&mdash;and blind.  The light
+    was restored to her in Baden the 5th of January, 1839
+</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>
+
+<p>We made several excursions on foot to the neighboring villages,
+over winding and beautiful roads and through enchanting
+woodland scenery.  The woods and roads were similar to those
+at Heidelberg, but not so bewitching.  I suppose that roads
+and woods which are up to the Heidelberg mark are rare in the
+world.
+
+<p>Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita Palace,
+which is several miles from Baden-Baden. The grounds
+about the palace were fine; the palace was a curiosity.
+It was built by a Margravine in 1725, and remains as she
+left it at her death.  We wandered through a great many
+of its rooms, and they all had striking peculiarities
+of decoration.  For instance, the walls of one room were
+pretty completely covered with small pictures of the
+Margravine in all conceivable varieties of fanciful costumes,
+some of them male.
+
+<p>The walls of another room were covered with grotesquely
+and elaborately figured hand-wrought tapestry.
+The musty ancient beds remained in the chambers,
+and their quilts and curtains and canopies were decorated
+with curious handwork, and the walls and ceilings frescoed
+with historical and mythological scenes in glaring colors.
+There was enough crazy and rotten rubbish in the building
+to make a true brick-a-bracker green with envy.
+A painting in the dining-hall verged upon the
+indelicate&mdash;but then the Margravine was herself a trifle indelicate.
+
+<p>It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely decorated house,
+and brimful of interest as a reflection of the character
+and tastes of that rude bygone time.
+
+<p>In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, stands the
+Margravine's chapel, just as she left it&mdash;a coarse
+wooden structure, wholly barren of ornament.  It is said
+that the Margravine would give herself up to debauchery
+and exceedingly fast living for several months at a time,
+and then retire to this miserable wooden den and spend
+a few months in repenting and getting ready for another
+good time.  She was a devoted Catholic, and was perhaps
+quite a model sort of a Christian as Christians went then,
+in high life.
+
+<p>Tradition says she spent the last two years of her life in the
+strange den I have been speaking of, after having indulged
+herself in one final, triumphant, and satisfying spree.
+She shut herself up there, without company, and without
+even a servant, and so abjured and forsook the world.
+In her little bit of a kitchen she did her own cooking;
+she wore a hair shirt next the skin, and castigated herself
+with whips&mdash;these aids to grace are exhibited there yet.
+She prayed and told her beads, in another little room,
+before a waxen Virgin niched in a little box against the wall;
+she bedded herself like a slave.
+
+<p>In another small room is an unpainted wooden table,
+and behind it sit half-life-size waxen figures of the
+Holy Family, made by the very worst artist that ever
+lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy drapery.
+[1] The margravine used to bring her meals to this table
+and DINE WITH THE HOLY FAMILY.  What an idea that was!
+What a grisly spectacle it must have been! Imagine it:
+Those rigid, shock-headed figures, with corpsy complexions
+and fish glass eyes, occupying one side of the table
+in the constrained attitudes and dead fixedness that
+distinguish all men that are born of wax, and this wrinkled,
+smoldering old fire-eater occupying the other side,
+mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages in the ghostly
+stillness and shadowy indistinctness of a winter twilight.
+It makes one feel crawly even to think of it.<br>
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+[1] The Savior was represented as a lad of about fifteen<br>
+    years of age.  This figure had lost one eye.
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p206"></a><img alt="p206.jpg (56K)" src="images/p206.jpg" height="481" width="539">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<p>In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed like
+a pauper, this strange princess lived and worshiped during
+two years, and in it she died.  Two or three hundred
+years ago, this would have made the poor den holy ground;
+and the church would have set up a miracle-factory there
+and made plenty of money out of it.  The den could be moved
+into some portions of France and made a good property even now.
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+
+
+<center>
+<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3>
+<tr><td>
+
+
+
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5783/5783-h/5783-h.htm">Previous Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+</td><td>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5785/5785-h/5785-h.htm">Next Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
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+</pre>
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+</body>
+</html>
+
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@@ -0,0 +1,2631 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 3
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5784]
+Posting Date: June 3, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 3.
+
+By Mark Twain
+
+(Samuel L. Clemens)
+
+First published in 1880
+
+Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition
+
+ * * * * * *
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS:
+
+     1.   PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR
+     2.   TITIAN'S MOSES
+     3.   THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES
+     73.  A DEEP AND TRANQUIL ECSTACY
+     74.  "WHICH ANSWERED JUST AS WELL"
+     75.  LIFE ON A RAFT
+     76.  LADY GERTRUDE
+     77.  MOUTH OF THE CAVERN
+     78.  A FATAL MISTAKE
+     79.  TAIL PIECE
+     80.  RAFTING ON THE NECKAR
+     81.  THE LORELEI
+     82.  THE LOVER's FATE
+     84.  THE UNKNOWN KNIGHT
+     85.  THE EMBRACE
+     86.  PERILOUS POSTTION
+     87.  THE RAFT IN A STORM
+     88.  ALL SAFE ON SHORE
+     89.  "IT WAS THE CAT"
+     90.  TAILPIECE
+     91.  BREAKFAST IN THE GARDEN 162
+     92.  EASILY UNDERSTOOD
+     93.  EXPERIMENTING THROUGH HARRIS
+     94.  AT THE BALL ROOM DOOR
+     95.  THE TOWN OF DILSBERG
+     96.  OUR ADVANCE ON DILSBERG
+     97.  INSIDE THE TOWN
+     95.  THE OLD WELL
+     99.  SEND HITHER THE LORD ULRICH
+     100.  LEAD ME TO HER GRAVE
+     102.  AN EXCELLENT PILOT, ONCE
+     103.  SCATTERATION
+     104.  THE RIVER BATH
+     101.  ETRUSCAN TEAR JUG
+     106.  HENRI II. PLATE
+     l07.  OLD BLUE CHINA
+     108.  A REAL ANTIQUE
+     109.  BRIC-A-BRAC SHOP
+     110.  "PUT IT THERE"
+     111.  THE PARSON CAPTURED
+     112.  TAIL PIECE
+     113.  A COMPREHENSIVE YAWN
+     114.  TESTING THE COIN
+     115.  BEAUTY AT THE BATH
+     116.  IN THE BATH
+     117.  JERSEY INDIANS
+     118.  NOT PARTICULARLY SOCIABLE
+
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+
+CHAPTER XV Down the River--German Women's Duties--Bathing as We Went--A
+Handsome Picture: Girls in the Willows--We Sight a Tug--Steamers on the
+Neckar--Dinner on Board--Legend "Cave of the Spectre "--Lady Gertrude
+the Heiress--The Crusader--The Lady in the Cave--A Tragedy
+
+CHAPTER XVI An Ancient Legend of the Rhine--"The Lorelei"--Count
+Hermann--Falling in Love--A Sight of the Enchantress--Sad Effect
+on Count Hermann--An Evening visit--A Sad Mistake--Count Hermann
+Drowned--The Song and Music--Different Trans lations--Curiosities in
+Titles
+
+CHAPTER XVII Another Legend--The Unconquered Monster--The Unknown Knight
+--His Queer Shaped Knapsack--The Knight Pitied and Advised--He Attacks
+the Monster--Victory for the Fire Extinguisher--The Knight rewarded--His
+Strange Request----Spectacles Made Popular--Danger to the Raft--Blasting
+Rocks--An Inglorious Death in View--Escaped--A Storm Overtakes
+us--GreatDanger--Man Overboard--Breakers Ahead--Springing a Leak--Ashore
+Safe--A General Embracing--A Tramp in the Dark--The Naturalist Tavern--A
+Night's Troubles--"It is the Cat"
+
+CHAPTER XVIII Breakfast in a Garden--The Old Raven--Castle of
+Hirschhorn--Attempt to Hire a Boat--High Dutch--What You Can Find out
+by Enquiring--What I Found out about the Students--A good German
+Custom--Harris Practices It--AnEmbarrassing Position--A Nice Party--At a
+Ball--Stopped at the Door--Assistance at Hand and Rendered--Worthy to be
+an Empress
+
+CHAPTER XIX Arrive at Neckarsteinach--Castle of Dilsberg--A Walled
+Town--On a Hill--Exclusiveness of the People--A Queer Old Place--An
+Ancient Well--An Outlet Proved--Legend of Dilsberg Castle--The
+Haunted Chamber--The Betrothed's request--The Knight's Slumbers
+and Awakening--Horror of the Lover--The Wicked Jest--The Lover a
+Maniac--Under the Linden--Turning Pilot--Accident to the Raft--Fearful
+Disaster
+
+CHAPTER XX Good News--"Slow Freight"--Keramics--My Collection of Bric-a-
+brac--My Tear Jug--Henri II. Plate--Specimen of Blue China--Indifference
+to the Laugh of the World--I Discover an Antique En-route to
+Baden--Baden--Meeting an Old Acquaintance--A young American--Embryo
+Horse Doctor--An American, Sure--A Minister Captured
+
+CHAPTER XXI Baden--Baden--Energetic Girls--A Comprehensive Yawn--A
+Beggar's Trick--Cool Impudence--The Bath Woman--Insolence of Shop
+Keepers--Taking a Bath--Early and Late Hours--Popular Belief Regarding
+Indians--An Old Cemetery--A Pious Hag--Curious Table Companions
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+[Charming Waterside Pictures]
+
+
+Men and women and cattle were at work in the dewy fields by this time.
+The people often stepped aboard the raft, as we glided along the grassy
+shores, and gossiped with us and with the crew for a hundred yards or
+so, then stepped ashore again, refreshed by the ride.
+
+Only the men did this; the women were too busy. The women do all kinds
+of work on the continent. They dig, they hoe, they reap, they sow, they
+bear monstrous burdens on their backs, they shove similar ones long
+distances on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog or
+lean cow to drag it--and when there is, they assist the dog or cow. Age
+is no matter--the older the woman the stronger she is, apparently.
+On the farm a woman's duties are not defined--she does a little of
+everything; but in the towns it is different, there she only does
+certain things, the men do the rest. For instance, a hotel chambermaid
+has nothing to do but make beds and fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring
+towels and candles, and fetch several tons of water up several flights
+of stairs, a hundred pounds at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers. She
+does not have to work more than eighteen or twenty hours a day, and
+she can always get down on her knees and scrub the floors of halls and
+closets when she is tired and needs a rest.
+
+As the morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took off our
+outside clothing and sat in a row along the edge of the raft and enjoyed
+the scenery, with our sun-umbrellas over our heads and our legs dangling
+in the water.
+
+
+
+Every now and then we plunged in and had a swim. Every projecting grassy
+cape had its joyous group of naked children, the boys to themselves and
+the girls to themselves, the latter usually in care of some motherly
+dame who sat in the shade of a tree with her knitting. The little boys
+swam out to us, sometimes, but the little maids stood knee-deep in the
+water and stopped their splashing and frolicking to inspect the raft
+with their innocent eyes as it drifted by. Once we turned a corner
+suddenly and surprised a slender girl of twelve years or upward, just
+stepping into the water. She had not time to run, but she did what
+answered just as well; she promptly drew a lithe young willow bough
+athwart her white body with one hand, and then contemplated us with a
+simple and untroubled interest. Thus she stood while we glided by. She
+was a pretty creature, and she and her willow bough made a very
+pretty picture, and one which could not offend the modesty of the most
+fastidious spectator. Her white skin had a low bank of fresh green
+willows for background and effective contrast--for she stood against
+them--and above and out of them projected the eager faces and white
+shoulders of two smaller girls.
+
+
+
+Toward noon we heard the inspiriting cry,--
+
+"Sail ho!"
+
+"Where away?" shouted the captain.
+
+"Three points off the weather bow!"
+
+We ran forward to see the vessel. It proved to be a steamboat--for they
+had begun to run a steamer up the Neckar, for the first time in May.
+She was a tug, and one of a very peculiar build and aspect. I had often
+watched her from the hotel, and wondered how she propelled herself, for
+apparently she had no propeller or paddles. She came churning along,
+now, making a deal of noise of one kind or another, and aggravating it
+every now and then by blowing a hoarse whistle. She had nine keel-boats
+hitched on behind and following after her in a long, slender rank. We
+met her in a narrow place, between dikes, and there was hardly room for
+us both in the cramped passage. As she went grinding and groaning by, we
+perceived the secret of her moving impulse. She did not drive herself up
+the river with paddles or propeller, she pulled herself by hauling on
+a great chain. This chain is laid in the bed of the river and is only
+fastened at the two ends. It is seventy miles long. It comes in over the
+boat's bow, passes around a drum, and is payed out astern. She pulls
+on that chain, and so drags herself up the river or down it. She has
+neither bow or stern, strictly speaking, for she has a long-bladed
+rudder on each end and she never turns around. She uses both rudders
+all the time, and they are powerful enough to enable her to turn to
+the right or the left and steer around curves, in spite of the strong
+resistance of the chain. I would not have believed that that impossible
+thing could be done; but I saw it done, and therefore I know that there
+is one impossible thing which CAN be done. What miracle will man attempt
+next?
+
+We met many big keel-boats on their way up, using sails, mule power, and
+profanity--a tedious and laborious business. A wire rope led from the
+foretopmast to the file of mules on the tow-path a hundred yards ahead,
+and by dint of much banging and swearing and urging, the detachment of
+drivers managed to get a speed of two or three miles an hour out of the
+mules against the stiff current. The Neckar has always been used as a
+canal, and thus has given employment to a great many men and animals;
+but now that this steamboat is able, with a small crew and a bushel or
+so of coal, to take nine keel-boats farther up the river in one hour
+than thirty men and thirty mules can do it in two, it is believed
+that the old-fashioned towing industry is on its death-bed. A second
+steamboat began work in the Neckar three months after the first one was
+put in service. [Figure 4]
+
+At noon we stepped ashore and bought some bottled beer and got some
+chickens cooked, while the raft waited; then we immediately put to sea
+again, and had our dinner while the beer was cold and the chickens hot.
+There is no pleasanter place for such a meal than a raft that is
+gliding down the winding Neckar past green meadows and wooded hills, and
+slumbering villages, and craggy heights graced with crumbling towers and
+battlements.
+
+
+
+In one place we saw a nicely dressed German gentleman without any
+spectacles. Before I could come to anchor he had got underway. It was a
+great pity. I so wanted to make a sketch of him. The captain comforted
+me for my loss, however, by saying that the man was without any doubt a
+fraud who had spectacles, but kept them in his pocket in order to make
+himself conspicuous.
+
+Below Hassmersheim we passed Hornberg, Goetz von Berlichingen's old
+castle. It stands on a bold elevation two hundred feet above the surface
+of the river; it has high vine-clad walls enclosing trees, and a peaked
+tower about seventy-five feet high. The steep hillside, from the castle
+clear down to the water's edge, is terraced, and clothed thick with
+grape vines. This is like farming a mansard roof. All the steeps along
+that part of the river which furnish the proper exposure, are given
+up to the grape. That region is a great producer of Rhine wines. The
+Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall,
+slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them
+from vinegar by the label.
+
+The Hornberg hill is to be tunneled, and the new railway will pass under
+the castle. THE CAVE OF THE SPECTER Two miles below Hornberg castle is
+a cave in a low cliff, which the captain of the raft said had once been
+occupied by a beautiful heiress of Hornberg--the Lady Gertrude--in the
+old times. It was seven hundred years ago. She had a number of rich and
+noble lovers and one poor and obscure one, Sir Wendel Lobenfeld. With
+the native chuckleheadedness of the heroine of romance, she preferred
+the poor and obscure lover.
+
+
+
+With the native sound judgment of the father of a heroine of romance,
+the von Berlichingen of that day shut his daughter up in his donjon
+keep, or his oubliette, or his culverin, or some such place, and
+resolved that she should stay there until she selected a husband from
+among her rich and noble lovers. The latter visited her and persecuted
+her with their supplications, but without effect, for her heart was
+true to her poor despised Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy Land.
+Finally, she resolved that she would endure the attentions of the rich
+lovers no longer; so one stormy night she escaped and went down
+the river and hid herself in the cave on the other side. Her father
+ransacked the country for her, but found not a trace of her. As the
+days went by, and still no tidings of her came, his conscience began to
+torture him, and he caused proclamation to be made that if she were yet
+living and would return, he would oppose her no longer, she might marry
+whom she would. The months dragged on, all hope forsook the old man, he
+ceased from his customary pursuits and pleasures, he devoted himself to
+pious works, and longed for the deliverance of death.
+
+Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress stood in the mouth
+of her cave, arrayed in white robes, and sang a little love ballad which
+her Crusader had made for her. She judged that if he came home alive the
+superstitious peasants would tell him about the ghost that sang in the
+cave, and that as soon as they described the ballad he would know that
+none but he and she knew that song, therefore he would suspect that she
+was alive, and would come and find her. As time went on, the people of
+the region became sorely distressed about the Specter of the Haunted
+Cave. It was said that ill luck of one kind or another always overtook
+any one who had the misfortune to hear that song. Eventually, every
+calamity that happened thereabouts was laid at the door of that music.
+Consequently, no boatmen would consent to pass the cave at night; the
+peasants shunned the place, even in the daytime.
+
+
+
+But the faithful girl sang on, night after night, month after month, and
+patiently waited; her reward must come at last. Five years dragged by,
+and still, every night at midnight, the plaintive tones floated out over
+the silent land, while the distant boatmen and peasants thrust their
+fingers into their ears and shuddered out a prayer.
+
+And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and battle-scarred, but bringing
+a great and splendid fame to lay at the feet of his bride. The old lord
+of Hornberg received him as his son, and wanted him to stay by him
+and be the comfort and blessing of his age; but the tale of that young
+girl's devotion to him and its pathetic consequences made a changed
+man of the knight. He could not enjoy his well-earned rest. He said his
+heart was broken, he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds in
+the cause of humanity, and so find a worthy death and a blessed reunion
+with the brave true heart whose love had more honored him than all his
+victories in war.
+
+When the people heard this resolve of his, they came and told him there
+was a pitiless dragon in human disguise in the Haunted Cave, a dread
+creature which no knight had yet been bold enough to face, and begged
+him to rid the land of its desolating presence. He said he would do it.
+They told him about the song, and when he asked what song it was, they
+said the memory of it was gone, for nobody had been hardy enough to
+listen to it for the past four years and more.
+
+Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down the river in a boat,
+with his trusty cross-bow in his hands. He drifted silently through the
+dim reflections of the crags and trees, with his intent eyes fixed upon
+the low cliff which he was approaching. As he drew nearer, he discerned
+the black mouth of the cave. Now--is that a white figure? Yes. The
+plaintive song begins to well forth and float away over meadow and
+river--the cross-bow is slowly raised to position, a steady aim is
+taken, the bolt flies straight to the mark--the figure sinks down, still
+singing, the knight takes the wool out of his ears, and recognizes the
+old ballad--too late! Ah, if he had only not put the wool in his ears!
+
+
+
+The Crusader went away to the wars again, and presently fell in battle,
+fighting for the Cross. Tradition says that during several centuries the
+spirit of the unfortunate girl sang nightly from the cave at midnight,
+but the music carried no curse with it; and although many listened for
+the mysterious sounds, few were favored, since only those could hear
+them who had never failed in a trust. It is believed that the singing
+still continues, but it is known that nobody has heard it during the
+present century.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+An Ancient Legend of the Rhine [The Lorelei]
+
+
+The last legend reminds one of the "Lorelei"--a legend of the Rhine.
+There is a song called "The Lorelei."
+
+Germany is rich in folk-songs, and the words and airs of several of them
+are peculiarly beautiful--but "The Lorelei" is the people's favorite. I
+could not endure it at first, but by and by it began to take hold of me,
+and now there is no tune which I like so well.
+
+It is not possible that it is much known in America, else I should have
+heard it there. The fact that I never heard it there, is evidence that
+there are others in my country who have fared likewise; therefore, for
+the sake of these, I mean to print the words and music in this chapter.
+And I will refresh the reader's memory by printing the legend of the
+Lorelei, too. I have it by me in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, done into
+English by the wildly gifted Garnham, Bachelor of Arts. I print the
+legend partly to refresh my own memory, too, for I have never read it
+before. THE LEGEND Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who used to
+sit on a high rock called the Ley or Lei (pronounced like our word LIE)
+in the Rhine, and lure boatmen to destruction in a furious rapid
+which marred the channel at that spot. She so bewitched them with her
+plaintive songs and her wonderful beauty that they forgot everything
+else to gaze up at her, and so they presently drifted among the broken
+reefs and were lost.
+
+In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in a great castle near
+there with his son, the Count Hermann, a youth of twenty. Hermann had
+heard a great deal about the beautiful Lore, and had finally fallen very
+deeply in love with her without having seen her. So he used to wander to
+the neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with his Zither and "Express his
+Longing in low Singing," as Garnham says. On one of these occasions,
+"suddenly there hovered around the top of the rock a brightness of
+unequaled clearness and color, which, in increasingly smaller circles
+thickened, was the enchanting figure of the beautiful Lore.
+
+
+
+"An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, he let his Zither fall,
+and with extended arms he called out the name of the enigmatical Being,
+who seemed to stoop lovingly to him and beckon to him in a friendly
+manner; indeed, if his ear did not deceive him, she called his name with
+unutterable sweet Whispers, proper to love. Beside himself with delight
+the youth lost his Senses and sank senseless to the earth."
+
+After that he was a changed person. He went dreaming about, thinking
+only of his fairy and caring for naught else in the world. "The old
+count saw with affliction this changement in his son," whose cause he
+could not divine, and tried to divert his mind into cheerful channels,
+but to no purpose. Then the old count used authority. He commanded the
+youth to betake himself to the camp. Obedience was promised. Garnham
+says:
+
+"It was on the evening before his departure, as he wished still once to
+visit the Lei and offer to the Nymph of the Rhine his Sighs, the
+tones of his Zither, and his Songs. He went, in his boat, this time
+accompanied by a faithful squire, down the stream. The moon shed her
+silvery light over the whole country; the steep bank mountains appeared
+in the most fantastical shapes, and the high oaks on either side bowed
+their Branches on Hermann's passing. As soon as he approached the
+Lei, and was aware of the surf-waves, his attendant was seized with an
+inexpressible Anxiety and he begged permission to land; but the Knight
+swept the strings of his Guitar and sang:
+
+     "Once I saw thee in dark night,
+     In supernatural Beauty bright;
+     Of Light-rays, was the Figure wove,
+     To share its light, locked-hair strove.
+
+
+     "Thy Garment color wave-dove
+     By thy hand the sign of love,
+     Thy eyes sweet enchantment,
+     Raying to me, oh! enchantment.
+
+
+     "O, wert thou but my sweetheart,
+     How willingly thy love to part!
+     With delight I should be bound
+     To thy rocky house in deep ground."
+
+That Hermann should have gone to that place at all, was not wise; that
+he should have gone with such a song as that in his mouth was a most
+serious mistake. The Lorelei did not "call his name in unutterable
+sweet Whispers" this time. No, that song naturally worked an instant
+and thorough "changement" in her; and not only that, but it stirred the
+bowels of the whole afflicted region around about there--for--
+
+"Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere there began tumult and
+sound, as if voices above and below the water. On the Lei rose flames,
+the Fairy stood above, at that time, and beckoned with her right hand
+clearly and urgently to the infatuated Knight, while with a staff in
+her left hand she called the waves to her service. They began to mount
+heavenward; the boat was upset, mocking every exertion; the waves rose
+to the gunwale, and splitting on the hard stones, the Boat broke into
+Pieces. The youth sank into the depths, but the squire was thrown on
+shore by a powerful wave."
+
+
+
+The bitterest things have been said about the Lorelei during many
+centuries, but surely her conduct upon this occasion entitles her to our
+respect. One feels drawn tenderly toward her and is moved to forget her
+many crimes and remember only the good deed that crowned and closed her
+career.
+
+"The Fairy was never more seen; but her enchanting tones have often been
+heard. In the beautiful, refreshing, still nights of spring, when the
+moon pours her silver light over the Country, the listening shipper
+hears from the rushing of the waves, the echoing Clang of a wonderfully
+charming voice, which sings a song from the crystal castle, and with
+sorrow and fear he thinks on the young Count Hermann, seduced by the
+Nymph."
+
+Here is the music, and the German words by Heinrich Heine. This song has
+been a favorite in Germany for forty years, and will remain a favorite
+always, maybe. [Figure 5]
+
+I have a prejudice against people who print things in a foreign language
+and add no translation. When I am the reader, and the author considers
+me able to do the translating myself, he pays me quite a nice
+compliment--but if he would do the translating for me I would try to get
+along without the compliment.
+
+If I were at home, no doubt I could get a translation of this poem, but
+I am abroad and can't; therefore I will make a translation myself. It
+may not be a good one, for poetry is out of my line, but it will serve
+my purpose--which is, to give the unGerman young girl a jingle of words
+to hang the tune on until she can get hold of a good version, made by
+some one who is a poet and knows how to convey a poetical thought from
+one language to another.
+
+     THE LORELEI
+
+
+     I cannot divine what it meaneth,
+     This haunting nameless pain:
+     A tale of the bygone ages
+     Keeps brooding through my brain:
+
+
+     The faint air cools in the glooming,
+     And peaceful flows the Rhine,
+     The thirsty summits are drinking
+     The sunset's flooding wine;
+
+
+     The loveliest maiden is sitting
+     High-throned in yon blue air,
+     Her golden jewels are shining,
+     She combs her golden hair;
+
+
+     She combs with a comb that is golden,
+     And sings a weird refrain
+     That steeps in a deadly enchantment
+     The list'ner's ravished brain:
+
+
+     The doomed in his drifting shallop,
+     Is tranced with the sad sweet tone,
+     He sees not the yawning breakers,
+     He sees but the maid alone:
+
+
+     The pitiless billows engulf him!--
+     So perish sailor and bark;
+     And this, with her baleful singing,
+     Is the Lorelei's gruesome work.
+
+I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of Arts, in the LEGENDS OF THE
+RHINE, but it would not answer the purpose I mentioned above, because
+the measure is too nobly irregular; it don't fit the tune snugly enough;
+in places it hangs over at the ends too far, and in other places one
+runs out of words before he gets to the end of a bar. Still, Garnham's
+translation has high merits, and I am not dreaming of leaving it out of
+my book. I believe this poet is wholly unknown in America and England; I
+take peculiar pleasure in bringing him forward because I consider that I
+discovered him:
+
+     THE LORELEI
+
+     Translated by L. W. Garnham, B.A.
+
+     I do not know what it signifies.
+     That I am so sorrowful?
+     A fable of old Times so terrifies,
+     Leaves my heart so thoughtful.
+
+
+     The air is cool and it darkens,
+     And calmly flows the Rhine;
+     The summit of the mountain hearkens
+     In evening sunshine line.
+
+
+     The most beautiful Maiden entrances
+     Above wonderfully there,
+     Her beautiful golden attire glances,
+     She combs her golden hair.
+
+
+     With golden comb so lustrous,
+     And thereby a song sings,
+     It has a tone so wondrous,
+     That powerful melody rings.
+
+
+     The shipper in the little ship
+     It effects with woe sad might;
+     He does not see the rocky slip,
+     He only regards dreaded height.
+
+
+     I believe the turbulent waves
+     Swallow the last shipper and boat;
+     She with her singing craves
+     All to visit hermagic moat.
+
+No translation could be closer. He has got in all the facts; and in
+their regular order, too. There is not a statistic wanting. It is as
+succinct as an invoice. That is what a translation ought to be; it
+should exactly reflect the thought of the original. You can't SING
+"Above wonderfully there," because it simply won't go to the tune,
+without damaging the singer; but it is a most clingingly exact
+translation of DORT OBEN WUNDERBAR--fits it like a blister. Mr.
+Garnham's reproduction has other merits--a hundred of them--but it is
+not necessary to point them out. They will be detected.
+
+No one with a specialty can hope to have a monopoly of it. Even Garnham
+has a rival. Mr. X had a small pamphlet with him which he had bought
+while on a visit to Munich. It was entitled A CATALOGUE OF PICTURES IN
+THE OLD PINACOTEK, and was written in a peculiar kind of English. Here
+are a few extracts:
+
+"It is not permitted to make use of the work in question to a
+publication of the same contents as well as to the pirated edition of
+it."
+
+"An evening landscape. In the foreground near a pond and a group of
+white beeches is leading a footpath animated by travelers."
+
+"A learned man in a cynical and torn dress holding an open book in his
+hand."
+
+"St. Bartholomew and the Executioner with the knife to fulfil the
+martyr."
+
+"Portrait of a young man. A long while this picture was thought to be
+Bindi Altoviti's portrait; now somebody will again have it to be the
+self-portrait of Raphael."
+
+"Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man. In the background the
+lapidation of the condemned."
+
+("Lapidation" is good; it is much more elegant than "stoning.")
+
+"St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel who looks at his
+plague-sore, whilst the dog the bread in his mouth attents him."
+
+"Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting. Behind her a fertile valley
+perfused by a river."
+
+"A beautiful bouquet animated by May-bugs, etc."
+
+"A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his hand leans against a
+table and blows the smoke far away of himself."
+
+"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river which perfuses it till to the
+background."
+
+"Some peasants singing in a cottage. A woman lets drink a child out of a
+cup."
+
+"St. John's head as a boy--painted in fresco on a brick." (Meaning a
+tile.)
+
+"A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut off right at the end,
+dressed in black with the same cap. Attributed to Raphael, but the
+signation is false."
+
+"The Virgin holding the Infant. It is very painted in the manner of
+Sassoferrato."
+
+"A Larder with greens and dead game animated by a cook-maid and two
+kitchen-boys."
+
+However, the English of this catalogue is at least as happy as that
+which distinguishes an inscription upon a certain picture in Rome--to
+wit:
+
+"Revelations-View. St. John in Patterson's Island."
+
+But meanwhile the raft is moving on.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+[Why Germans Wear Spectacles]
+
+
+A mile or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar ruin projecting above the
+foliage which clothed the peak of a high and very steep hill. This ruin
+consisted of merely a couple of crumbling masses of masonry which bore
+a rude resemblance to human faces; they leaned forward and touched
+foreheads, and had the look of being absorbed in conversation. This
+ruin had nothing very imposing or picturesque about it, and there was no
+great deal of it, yet it was called the "Spectacular Ruin."
+
+LEGEND OF THE "SPECTACULAR RUIN" The captain of the raft, who was as
+full of history as he could stick, said that in the Middle Ages a most
+prodigious fire-breathing dragon used to live in that region, and made
+more trouble than a tax-collector. He was as long as a railway-train,
+and had the customary impenetrable green scales all over him. His breath
+bred pestilence and conflagration, and his appetite bred famine. He ate
+men and cattle impartially, and was exceedingly unpopular. The German
+emperor of that day made the usual offer: he would grant to the
+destroyer of the dragon, any one solitary thing he might ask for; for he
+had a surplusage of daughters, and it was customary for dragon-killers
+to take a daughter for pay.
+
+So the most renowned knights came from the four corners of the earth and
+retired down the dragon's throat one after the other. A panic arose and
+spread. Heroes grew cautious. The procession ceased. The dragon became
+more destructive than ever. The people lost all hope of succor, and fled
+to the mountains for refuge.
+
+At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure knight, out of a far
+country, arrived to do battle with the monster. A pitiable object he
+was, with his armor hanging in rags about him, and his strange-shaped
+knapsack strapped upon his back. Everybody turned up their noses at him,
+and some openly jeered him. But he was calm. He simply inquired if
+the emperor's offer was still in force. The emperor said it was--but
+charitably advised him to go and hunt hares and not endanger so precious
+a life as his in an attempt which had brought death to so many of the
+world's most illustrious heroes.
+
+
+
+But this tramp only asked--"Were any of these heroes men of science?"
+This raised a laugh, of course, for science was despised in those days.
+But the tramp was not in the least ruffled. He said he might be a little
+in advance of his age, but no matter--science would come to be honored,
+some time or other. He said he would march against the dragon in the
+morning. Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him, but
+he declined, and said, "spears were useless to men of science." They
+allowed him to sup in the servants' hall, and gave him a bed in the
+stables.
+
+When he started forth in the morning, thousands were gathered to see.
+The emperor said:
+
+"Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your knapsack."
+
+But the tramp said:
+
+"It is not a knapsack," and moved straight on.
+
+The dragon was waiting and ready. He was breathing forth vast volumes
+of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts of flame. The ragged knight
+stole warily to a good position, then he unslung his cylindrical
+knapsack--which was simply the common fire-extinguisher known to modern
+times--and the first chance he got he turned on his hose and shot the
+dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth. Out went the fires
+in an instant, and the dragon curled up and died.
+
+
+
+This man had brought brains to his aid. He had reared dragons from the
+egg, in his laboratory, he had watched over them like a mother, and
+patiently studied them and experimented upon them while they grew. Thus
+he had found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon; put out
+the dragon's fires and it could make steam no longer, and must die.
+He could not put out a fire with a spear, therefore he invented the
+extinguisher. The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck
+and said:
+
+"Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning out behind
+with his heel for a detachment of his daughters to form and advance. But
+the tramp gave them no observance. He simply said:
+
+"My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly of the
+manufacture and sale of spectacles in Germany."
+
+The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed:
+
+"This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A modest demand, by my
+halidome! Why didn't you ask for the imperial revenues at once, and be
+done with it?"
+
+But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it. To everybody's
+surprise, the unselfish monopolist immediately reduced the price of
+spectacles to such a degree that a great and crushing burden was removed
+from the nation. The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to
+testify his appreciation of it, issued a decree commanding everybody to
+buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them, whether they needed them
+or not.
+
+So originated the wide-spread custom of wearing spectacles in Germany;
+and as a custom once established in these old lands is imperishable,
+this one remains universal in the empire to this day. Such is the legend
+of the monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle, now called the
+"Spectacular Ruin."
+
+On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectacular Ruin, we
+passed by a noble pile of castellated buildings overlooking the water
+from the crest of a lofty elevation. A stretch of two hundred yards of
+the high front wall was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass
+of buildings within rose three picturesque old towers. The place was in
+fine order, and was inhabited by a family of princely rank. This castle
+had its legend, too, but I should not feel justified in repeating it
+because I doubted the truth of some of its minor details.
+
+Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers were blasting away
+the frontage of the hills to make room for the new railway. They were
+fifty or a hundred feet above the river. As we turned a sharp corner
+they began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look out for the
+explosions. It was all very well to warn us, but what could WE do? You
+can't back a raft upstream, you can't hurry it downstream, you can't
+scatter out to one side when you haven't any room to speak of, you won't
+take to the perpendicular cliffs on the other shore when they appear to
+be blasting there, too. Your resources are limited, you see. There is
+simply nothing for it but to watch and pray.
+
+For some hours we had been making three and a half or four miles an hour
+and we were still making that. We had been dancing right along until
+those men began to shout; then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me
+that I had never seen a raft go so slowly. When the first blast went
+off we raised our sun-umbrellas and waited for the result. No harm
+done; none of the stones fell in the water. Another blast followed, and
+another and another. Some of the rubbish fell in the water just astern
+of us.
+
+
+
+We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it was certainly
+one of the most exciting and uncomfortable weeks I ever spent, either
+aship or ashore. Of course we frequently manned the poles and shoved
+earnestly for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts of dust
+and debris shot aloft every man dropped his pole and looked up to get
+the bearings of his share of it. It was very busy times along there for
+a while. It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was
+not the bitterest thought; no, the abjectly unheroic nature of the
+death--that was the sting--that and the bizarre wording of the resulting
+obituary: "SHOT WITH A ROCK, ON A RAFT." There would be no poetry
+written about it. None COULD be written about it. Example:
+
+NOT by war's shock, or war's shaft,--SHOT, with a rock, on a raft.
+
+No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a theme as that. I
+should be distinguished as the only "distinguished dead" who went down
+to the grave unsonneted, in 1878.
+
+But we escaped, and I have never regretted it. The last blast was a
+peculiarly strong one, and after the small rubbish was done raining
+around us and we were just going to shake hands over our deliverance, a
+later and larger stone came down amongst our little group of pedestrians
+and wrecked an umbrella. It did no other harm, but we took to the water
+just the same.
+
+It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the new railway
+gradings is done mainly by Italians. That was a revelation. We have
+the notion in our country that Italians never do heavy work at all, but
+confine themselves to the lighter arts, like organ-grinding, operatic
+singing, and assassination. We have blundered, that is plain.
+
+All along the river, near every village, we saw little station-houses
+for the future railway. They were finished and waiting for the rails and
+business. They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be. They
+were always of brick or stone; they were of graceful shape, they had
+vines and flowers about them already, and around them the grass was
+bright and green, and showed that it was carefully looked after. They
+were a decoration to the beautiful landscape, not an offense. Wherever
+one saw a pile of gravel or a pile of broken stone, it was always heaped
+as trimly and exactly as a new grave or a stack of cannon-balls; nothing
+about those stations or along the railroad or the wagon-road was
+allowed to look shabby or be unornamental. The keeping a country in such
+beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise practical side to
+it, too, for it keeps thousands of people in work and bread who would
+otherwise be idle and mischievous.
+
+As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up, but I thought
+maybe we might make Hirschhorn, so we went on. Presently the sky became
+overcast, and the captain came aft looking uneasy. He cast his eye
+aloft, then shook his head, and said it was coming on to blow. My party
+wanted to land at once--therefore I wanted to go on. The captain said we
+ought to shorten sail anyway, out of common prudence. Consequently, the
+larboard watch was ordered to lay in his pole. It grew quite dark, now,
+and the wind began to rise. It wailed through the swaying branches of
+the trees, and swept our decks in fitful gusts. Things were taking on an
+ugly look. The captain shouted to the steersman on the forward log:
+
+"How's she landing?"
+
+The answer came faint and hoarse from far forward:
+
+"Nor'-east-and-by-nor'--east-by-east, half-east, sir."
+
+"Let her go off a point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"What water have you got?"
+
+"Shoal, sir. Two foot large, on the stabboard, two and a half scant on
+the labboard!"
+
+"Let her go off another point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd her round the
+weather corner!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+
+
+Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting, but the
+forms of the men were lost in the darkness and the sounds were distorted
+and confused by the roaring of the wind through the shingle-bundles. By
+this time the sea was running inches high, and threatening every moment
+to engulf the frail bark. Now came the mate, hurrying aft, and said,
+close to the captain's ear, in a low, agitated voice:
+
+"Prepare for the worst, sir--we have sprung a leak!"
+
+"Heavens! where?"
+
+"Right aft the second row of logs."
+
+"Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let the men know, or there
+will be a panic and mutiny! Lay her in shore and stand by to jump with
+the stern-line the moment she touches. Gentlemen, I must look to you to
+second my endeavors in this hour of peril. You have hats--go forward and
+bail for your lives!"
+
+Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in spray and thick
+darkness. At such a moment as this, came from away forward that most
+appalling of all cries that are ever heard at sea:
+
+"MAN OVERBOARD!"
+
+The captain shouted:
+
+"Hard a-port! Never mind the man! Let him climb aboard or wade ashore!"
+
+Another cry came down the wind:
+
+"Breakers ahead!"
+
+"Where away?"
+
+"Not a log's length off her port fore-foot!"
+
+We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now bailing with the
+frenzy of despair, when we heard the mate's terrified cry, from far aft:
+
+"Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be aground!"
+
+But this was immediately followed by the glad shout:
+
+"Land aboard the starboard transom!"
+
+"Saved!" cried the captain. "Jump ashore and take a turn around a tree
+and pass the bight aboard!"
+
+The next moment we were all on shore weeping and embracing for joy,
+while the rain poured down in torrents. The captain said he had been a
+mariner for forty years on the Neckar, and in that time had seen storms
+to make a man's cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but he had never,
+never seen a storm that even approached this one. How familiar that
+sounded! For I have been at sea a good deal and have heard that remark
+from captains with a frequency accordingly.
+
+
+
+We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks and admiration
+and gratitude, and took the first opportunity to vote it, and put it
+in writing and present it to the captain, with the customary speech. We
+tramped through the darkness and the drenching summer rain full three
+miles, and reached "The Naturalist Tavern" in the village of Hirschhorn
+just an hour before midnight, almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue,
+and terror. I can never forget that night.
+
+The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be crusty and
+disobliging; he did not at all like being turned out of his warm bed to
+open his house for us. But no matter, his household got up and cooked
+a quick supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves, to keep
+off consumption. After supper and punch we had an hour's soothing smoke
+while we fought the naval battle over again and voted the resolutions;
+then we retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers upstairs that
+had clean, comfortable beds in them with heirloom pillowcases most
+elaborately and tastefully embroidered by hand.
+
+Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent in German
+village inns as they are rare in ours. Our villages are superior
+to German villages in more merits, excellences, conveniences, and
+privileges than I can enumerate, but the hotels do not belong in the
+list.
+
+"The Naturalist Tavern" was not a meaningless name; for all the halls
+and all the rooms were lined with large glass cases which were filled
+with all sorts of birds and animals, glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and set
+up in the most natural eloquent and dramatic attitudes. The moment we
+were abed, the rain cleared away and the moon came out. I dozed off to
+sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl which was looking
+intently down on me from a high perch with the air of a person who
+thought he had met me before, but could not make out for certain.
+
+
+
+But young Z did not get off so easily. He said that as he was sinking
+deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted away the shadows and developed
+a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed, but crouching, with every
+muscle tense, for a spring, and with its glittering glass eyes aimed
+straight at him. It made Z uncomfortable. He tried closing his own eyes,
+but that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept making him open
+them again to see if the cat was still getting ready to launch at
+him--which she always was. He tried turning his back, but that was a
+failure; he knew the sinister eyes were on him still. So at last he had
+to get up, after an hour or two of worry and experiment, and set the cat
+out in the hall. So he won, that time.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+[The Kindly Courtesy of Germans]
+
+
+In the morning we took breakfast in the garden, under the trees, in the
+delightful German summer fashion. The air was filled with the fragrance
+of flowers and wild animals; the living portion of the menagerie of the
+"Naturalist Tavern" was all about us. There were great cages populous
+with fluttering and chattering foreign birds, and other great cages and
+greater wire pens, populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign.
+There were some free creatures, too, and quite sociable ones they were.
+White rabbits went loping about the place, and occasionally came and
+sniffed at our shoes and shins; a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck,
+walked up and examined us fearlessly; rare breeds of chickens and doves
+begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless raven hopped about with
+a humble, shamefaced mein which said, "Please do not notice my
+exposure--think how you would feel in my circumstances, and be
+charitable." If he was observed too much, he would retire behind
+something and stay there until he judged the party's interest had found
+another object. I never have seen another dumb creature that was
+so morbidly sensitive. Bayard Taylor, who could interpret the dim
+reasonings of animals, and understood their moral natures better than
+most men, would have found some way to make this poor old chap forget
+his troubles for a while, but we have not his kindly art, and so had to
+leave the raven to his griefs.
+
+
+
+After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient castle of
+Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it. There were some curious old
+bas-reliefs leaning against the inner walls of the church--sculptured
+lords of Hirschhorn in complete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn in
+the picturesque court costumes of the Middle Ages. These things are
+suffering damage and passing to decay, for the last Hirschhorn has been
+dead two hundred years, and there is nobody now who cares to preserve
+the family relics. In the chancel was a twisted stone column, and the
+captain told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter of
+legends he could not seem to restrain himself; but I do not repeat his
+tale because there was nothing plausible about it except that the Hero
+wrenched this column into its present screw-shape with his hands --just
+one single wrench. All the rest of the legend was doubtful.
+
+But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river. Then
+the clustered brown towers perched on the green hilltop, and the old
+battlemented stone wall, stretching up and over the grassy ridge and
+disappearing in the leafy sea beyond, make a picture whose grace and
+beauty entirely satisfy the eye.
+
+We descended from the church by steep stone stairways which curved this
+way and that down narrow alleys between the packed and dirty tenements
+of the village. It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering,
+unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps and begged
+piteously. The people of the quarter were not all idiots, of course, but
+all that begged seemed to be, and were said to be.
+
+I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town, Necharsteinach; so I
+ran to the riverside in advance of the party and asked a man there if
+he had a boat to hire. I suppose I must have spoken High German--Court
+German--I intended it for that, anyway--so he did not understand me. I
+turned and twisted my question around and about, trying to strike that
+man's average, but failed. He could not make out what I wanted. Now Mr.
+X arrived, faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied this
+sentence on him, in the most glib and confident way: "Can man boat get
+here?"
+
+The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered. I can comprehend
+why he was able to understand that particular sentence, because by mere
+accident all the words in it except "get" have the same sound and the
+same meaning in German that they have in English; but how he managed to
+understand Mr. X's next remark puzzled me. I will insert it, presently.
+X turned away a moment, and I asked the mariner if he could not find
+a board, and so construct an additional seat. I spoke in the purest
+German, but I might as well have spoken in the purest Choctaw for all
+the good it did. The man tried his best to understand me; he tried, and
+kept on trying, harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use,
+and said:
+
+"There, don't strain yourself--it is of no consequence."
+
+Then X turned to him and crisply said:
+
+"MACHEN SIE a flat board."
+
+I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if the man did not answer
+up at once, and say he would go and borrow a board as soon as he had lit
+the pipe which he was filling.
+
+
+
+We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we did not have to go. I
+have given Mr. X's two remarks just as he made them. Four of the five
+words in the first one were English, and that they were also German was
+only accidental, not intentional; three out of the five words in the
+second remark were English, and English only, and the two German ones
+did not mean anything in particular, in such a connection.
+
+X always spoke English to Germans, but his plan was to turn the sentence
+wrong end first and upside down, according to German construction, and
+sprinkle in a German word without any essential meaning to it, here and
+there, by way of flavor. Yet he always made himself understood. He could
+make those dialect-speaking raftsmen understand him, sometimes, when
+even young Z had failed with them; and young Z was a pretty good German
+scholar. For one thing, X always spoke with such confidence--perhaps
+that helped. And possibly the raftsmen's dialect was what is called
+PLATT-DEUTSCH, and so they found his English more familiar to their ears
+than another man's German. Quite indifferent students of German can read
+Fritz Reuter's charming platt-Deutch tales with some little facility
+because many of the words are English. I suppose this is the tongue
+which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them. By and by I will
+inquire of some other philologist.
+
+However, in the mean time it had transpired that the men employed to
+calk the raft had found that the leak was not a leak at all, but only
+a crack between the logs--a crack that belonged there, and was not
+dangerous, but had been magnified into a leak by the disordered
+imagination of the mate. Therefore we went aboard again with a good
+degree of confidence, and presently got to sea without accident. As we
+swam smoothly along between the enchanting shores, we fell to swapping
+notes about manners and customs in Germany and elsewhere.
+
+As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us, by
+observing and noting and inquiring, diligently and day by day, had
+managed to lay in a most varied and opulent stock of misinformation. But
+this is not surprising; it is very difficult to get accurate details in
+any country. For example, I had the idea once, in Heidelberg, to find
+out all about those five student-corps. I started with the White Cap
+corps. I began to inquire of this and that and the other citizen, and
+here is what I found out:
+
+1. It is called the Prussian Corps, because none but Prussians are
+admitted to it.
+
+2. It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular reason. It has
+simply pleased each corps to name itself after some German state.
+
+3. It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but only the White Cap
+Corps.
+
+4. Any student can belong to it who is a German by birth.
+
+5. Any student can belong to it who is European by birth.
+
+6. Any European-born student can belong to it, except he be a Frenchman.
+
+7. Any student can belong to it, no matter where he was born.
+
+8. No student can belong to it who is not of noble blood.
+
+9. No student can belong to it who cannot show three full generations of
+noble descent.
+
+10. Nobility is not a necessary qualification.
+
+11. No moneyless student can belong to it.
+
+12. Money qualification is nonsense--such a thing has never been thought
+of.
+
+I got some of this information from students themselves--students who
+did not belong to the corps.
+
+I finally went to headquarters--to the White Caps--where I would
+have gone in the first place if I had been acquainted. But even at
+headquarters I found difficulties; I perceived that there were things
+about the White Cap Corps which one member knew and another one didn't.
+It was natural; for very few members of any organization know ALL that
+can be known about it. I doubt there is a man or a woman in Heidelberg
+who would not answer promptly and confidently three out of every five
+questions about the White Cap Corps which a stranger might ask; yet
+it is a very safe bet that two of the three answers would be incorrect
+every time.
+
+There is one German custom which is universal--the bowing courteously
+to strangers when sitting down at table or rising up from it. This
+bow startles a stranger out of his self-possession, the first time
+it occurs, and he is likely to fall over a chair or something, in his
+embarrassment, but it pleases him, nevertheless. One soon learns to
+expect this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it; but to
+learn to lead off and make the initial bow one's self is a difficult
+matter for a diffident man. One thinks, "If I rise to go, and tender my
+bow, and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads to ignore
+the custom of their nation, and not return it, how shall I feel, in case
+I survive to feel anything." Therefore he is afraid to venture. He sits
+out the dinner, and makes the strangers rise first and originate the
+bowing. A table d'hote dinner is a tedious affair for a man who seldom
+touches anything after the three first courses; therefore I used to do
+some pretty dreary waiting because of my fears. It took me months to
+assure myself that those fears were groundless, but I did assure myself
+at last by experimenting diligently through my agent. I made Harris get
+up and bow and leave; invariably his bow was returned, then I got up and
+bowed myself and retired.
+
+
+
+Thus my education proceeded easily and comfortably for me, but not for
+Harris. Three courses of a table d'hote dinner were enough for me, but
+Harris preferred thirteen.
+
+Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no longer needed the
+agent's help, I sometimes encountered difficulties. Once at Baden-Baden
+I nearly lost a train because I could not be sure that three young
+ladies opposite me at table were Germans, since I had not heard them
+speak; they might be American, they might be English, it was not safe
+to venture a bow; but just as I had got that far with my thought, one of
+them began a German remark, to my great relief and gratitude; and before
+she got out her third word, our bows had been delivered and graciously
+returned, and we were off.
+
+There is a friendly something about the German character which is very
+winning. When Harris and I were making a pedestrian tour through the
+Black Forest, we stopped at a little country inn for dinner one day;
+two young ladies and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us.
+They were pedestrians, too. Our knapsacks were strapped upon our backs,
+but they had a sturdy youth along to carry theirs for them. All parties
+were hungry, so there was no talking. By and by the usual bows were
+exchanged, and we separated.
+
+As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen, next
+morning, these young people entered and took places near us without
+observing us; but presently they saw us and at once bowed and smiled;
+not ceremoniously, but with the gratified look of people who have found
+acquaintances where they were expecting strangers. Then they spoke of
+the weather and the roads. We also spoke of the weather and the roads.
+Next, they said they had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the
+weather. We said that that had been our case, too. Then they said they
+had walked thirty English miles the day before, and asked how many we
+had walked. I could not lie, so I told Harris to do it. Harris told
+them we had made thirty English miles, too. That was true; we had "made"
+them, though we had had a little assistance here and there.
+
+After breakfast they found us trying to blast some information out
+of the dumb hotel clerk about routes, and observing that we were not
+succeeding pretty well, they went and got their maps and things, and
+pointed out and explained our course so clearly that even a New York
+detective could have followed it. And when we started they spoke out a
+hearty good-by and wished us a pleasant journey. Perhaps they were more
+generous with us than they might have been with native wayfarers because
+we were a forlorn lot and in a strange land; I don't know; I only know
+it was lovely to be treated so.
+
+Very well, I took an American young lady to one of the fine balls in
+Baden-Baden, one night, and at the entrance-door upstairs we were halted
+by an official--something about Miss Jones's dress was not according to
+rule; I don't remember what it was, now; something was wanting--her back
+hair, or a shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something. The official was
+ever so polite, and ever so sorry, but the rule was strict, and he could
+not let us in. It was very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us. But
+now a richly dressed girl stepped out of the ballroom, inquired into the
+trouble, and said she could fix it in a moment. She took Miss Jones to
+the robing-room, and soon brought her back in regulation trim, and then
+we entered the ballroom with this benefactress unchallenged.
+
+
+
+Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere but ungrammatical
+thanks, when there was a sudden mutual recognition --the benefactress
+and I had met at Allerheiligen. Two weeks had not altered her good face,
+and plainly her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such
+a difference between these clothes and the clothes I had seen her in
+before, when she was walking thirty miles a day in the Black Forest,
+that it was quite natural that I had failed to recognize her sooner. I
+had on MY other suit, too, but my German would betray me to a person who
+had heard it once, anyway. She brought her brother and sister, and they
+made our way smooth for that evening.
+
+Well--months afterward, I was driving through the streets of Munich in a
+cab with a German lady, one day, when she said:
+
+"There, that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walking along there."
+
+Everybody was bowing to them--cabmen, little children, and everybody
+else--and they were returning all the bows and overlooking nobody, when
+a young lady met them and made a deep courtesy.
+
+"That is probably one of the ladies of the court," said my German
+friend.
+
+I said:
+
+"She is an honor to it, then. I know her. I don't know her name, but I
+know HER. I have known her at Allerheiligen and Baden-Baden. She ought
+to be an Empress, but she may be only a Duchess; it is the way things go
+in this way."
+
+If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite sure to get a
+civil answer. If you stop a German in the street and ask him to direct
+you to a certain place, he shows no sign of feeling offended. If the
+place be difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own matters
+and go with you and show you.
+
+In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several blocks with
+me to show me my way.
+
+There is something very real about this sort of politeness. Quite often,
+in Germany, shopkeepers who could not furnish me the article I wanted
+have sent one of their employees with me to show me a place where it
+could be had.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+[The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg]
+
+
+However, I wander from the raft. We made the port of Necharsteinach in
+good season, and went to the hotel and ordered a trout dinner, the same
+to be ready against our return from a two-hour pedestrian excursion to
+the village and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant, on the other side
+of the river. I do not mean that we proposed to be two hours making two
+miles--no, we meant to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg.
+
+For Dilsberg is a quaint place. It is most quaintly and picturesquely
+situated, too. Imagine the beautiful river before you; then a few rods
+of brilliant green sward on its opposite shore; then a sudden hill--no
+preparatory gently rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous hill--a
+hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high, as round as a
+bowl, with the same taper upward that an inverted bowl has, and with
+about the same relation of height to diameter that distinguishes a
+bowl of good honest depth--a hill which is thickly clothed with green
+bushes--a comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly out of the dead level
+of the surrounding green plains, visible from a great distance down the
+bends of the river, and with just exactly room on the top of its head
+for its steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap of architecture,
+which same is tightly jammed and compacted within the perfectly round
+hoop of the ancient village wall.
+
+There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill, or any vestige of
+a former house; all the houses are inside the wall, but there isn't room
+for another one. It is really a finished town, and has been finished a
+very long time. There is no space between the wall and the first circle
+of buildings; no, the village wall is itself the rear wall of the first
+circle of buildings, and the roofs jut a little over the wall and
+thus furnish it with eaves. The general level of the massed roofs is
+gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating towers of the ruined
+castle and the tall spires of a couple of churches; so, from a distance
+Dilsberg has rather more the look of a king's crown than a cap. That
+lofty green eminence and its quaint coronet form quite a striking
+picture, you may be sure, in the flush of the evening sun.
+
+
+
+We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow, steep path
+which plunged us at once into the leafy deeps of the bushes. But they
+were not cool deeps by any means, for the sun's rays were weltering hot
+and there was little or no breeze to temper them. As we panted up the
+sharp ascent, we met brown, bareheaded and barefooted boys and girls,
+occasionally, and sometimes men; they came upon us without warning, they
+gave us good day, flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone
+as suddenly and mysteriously as they had come. They were bound for the
+other side of the river to work. This path had been traveled by many
+generations of these people. They have always gone down to the valley to
+earn their bread, but they have always climbed their hill again to eat
+it, and to sleep in their snug town.
+
+
+
+It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much; they find that
+living up there above the world, in their peaceful nest, is pleasanter
+than living down in the troublous world. The seven hundred inhabitants
+are all blood-kin to each other, too; they have always been blood-kin to
+each other for fifteen hundred years; they are simply one large family,
+and they like the home folks better than they like strangers, hence they
+persistently stay at home. It has been said that for ages Dilsberg
+has been merely a thriving and diligent idiot-factory. I saw no idiots
+there, but the captain said, "Because of late years the government has
+taken to lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres; and government
+wants to cripple the factory, too, and is trying to get these
+Dilsbergers to marry out of the family, but they don't like to."
+
+The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science denies that
+the intermarrying of relatives deteriorates the stock.
+
+Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village sights and life. We
+moved along a narrow, crooked lane which had been paved in the Middle
+Ages. A strapping, ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in
+a little bit of a good-box of a barn, and she swung her flail with a
+will--if it was a flail; I was not farmer enough to know what she was
+at; a frowsy, barelegged girl was herding half a dozen geese with
+a stick--driving them along the lane and keeping them out of the
+dwellings; a cooper was at work in a shop which I know he did not make
+so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room. In the front
+rooms of dwellings girls and women were cooking or spinning, and ducks
+and chickens were waddling in and out, over the threshold, picking up
+chance crumbs and holding pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled
+man sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast and his
+extinguished pipe in his lap; soiled children were playing in the dirt
+everywhere along the lane, unmindful of the sun.
+
+
+
+Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work, but the place was
+very still and peaceful, nevertheless; so still that the distant
+cackle of the successful hen smote upon the ear but little dulled
+by intervening sounds. That commonest of village sights was lacking
+here--the public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of limpid
+water, and its group of gossiping pitcher-bearers; for there is no well
+or fountain or spring on this tall hill; cisterns of rain-water are
+used.
+
+Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention, and as we moved
+through the village we gathered a considerable procession of little boys
+and girls, and so went in some state to the castle. It proved to be an
+extensive pile of crumbling walls, arches, and towers, massive, properly
+grouped for picturesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfactory.
+The children acted as guides; they walked us along the top of the
+highest walls, then took us up into a high tower and showed us a wide
+and beautiful landscape, made up of wavy distances of woody hills, and
+a nearer prospect of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one
+hand, and castle-graced crags and ridges on the other, with the shining
+curves of the Neckar flowing between. But the principal show, the chief
+pride of the children, was the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown
+court of the castle. Its massive stone curb stands up three or four feet
+above-ground, and is whole and uninjured. The children said that in the
+Middle Ages this well was four hundred feet deep, and furnished all the
+village with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace. They said
+that in the old day its bottom was below the level of the Neckar, hence
+the water-supply was inexhaustible.
+
+But there were some who believed it had never been a well at all, and
+was never deeper than it is now--eighty feet; that at that depth a
+subterranean passage branched from it and descended gradually to a
+remote place in the valley, where it opened into somebody's cellar or
+other hidden recess, and that the secret of this locality is now lost.
+Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the explanation that
+Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and many a soldier before him, was
+never taken: after the longest and closest sieges the besiegers were
+astonished to perceive that the besieged were as fat and hearty as ever,
+and were well furnished with munitions of war--therefore it must be
+that the Dilsbergers had been bringing these things in through the
+subterranean passage all the time.
+
+The children said that there was in truth a subterranean outlet down
+there, and they would prove it. So they set a great truss of straw on
+fire and threw it down the well, while we leaned on the curb and watched
+the glowing mass descend. It struck bottom and gradually burned out. No
+smoke came up. The children clapped their hands and said:
+
+"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as burning straw--now where did
+the smoke go to, if there is no subterranean outlet?"
+
+
+
+So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean outlet indeed existed.
+But the finest thing within the ruin's limits was a noble linden, which
+the children said was four hundred years old, and no doubt it was. It
+had a mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage. The limbs
+near the ground were nearly the thickness of a barrel.
+
+That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in mail--how remote such a
+time seems, and how ungraspable is the fact that real men ever did fight
+in real armor!--and it had seen the time when these broken arches and
+crumbling battlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress,
+fluttering its gay banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous
+humanity--how impossibly long ago that seems!--and here it stands yet,
+and possibly may still be standing here, sunning itself and dreaming its
+historical dreams, when today shall have been joined to the days called
+"ancient."
+
+Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the captain delivered
+himself of his legend: THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE It was to this
+effect. In the old times there was once a great company assembled at the
+castle, and festivity ran high. Of course there was a haunted chamber
+in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon that. It was said that
+whoever slept in it would not wake again for fifty years. Now when a
+young knight named Conrad von Geisberg heard this, he said that if the
+castle were his he would destroy that chamber, so that no foolish person
+might have the chance to bring so dreadful a misfortune upon himself
+and afflict such as loved him with the memory of it. Straightway, the
+company privately laid their heads together to contrive some way to get
+this superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber.
+
+And they succeeded--in this way. They persuaded his betrothed, a lovely
+mischievous young creature, niece of the lord of the castle, to help
+them in their plot. She presently took him aside and had speech with
+him. She used all her persuasions, but could not shake him; he said his
+belief was firm, that if he should sleep there he would wake no more for
+fifty years, and it made him shudder to think of it. Catharina began to
+weep. This was a better argument; Conrad could not hold out against it.
+He yielded and said she should have her wish if she would only smile and
+be happy again. She flung her arms about his neck, and the kisses she
+gave him showed that her thankfulness and her pleasure were very real.
+Then she flew to tell the company her success, and the applause she
+received made her glad and proud she had undertaken her mission, since
+all alone she had accomplished what the multitude had failed in.
+
+At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting, Conrad was taken to
+the haunted chamber and left there. He fell asleep, by and by.
+
+When he awoke again and looked about him, his heart stood still with
+horror! The whole aspect of the chamber was changed. The walls were
+moldy and hung with ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were
+rotten; the furniture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces. He sprang
+out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk under him and he fell to the
+floor.
+
+"This is the weakness of age," he said.
+
+He rose and sought his clothing. It was clothing no longer. The colors
+were gone, the garments gave way in many places while he was putting
+them on. He fled, shuddering, into the corridor, and along it to
+the great hall. Here he was met by a middle-aged stranger of a kind
+countenance, who stopped and gazed at him with surprise. Conrad said:
+
+"Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrich?"
+
+The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said:
+
+"The lord Ulrich?"
+
+"Yes--if you will be so good."
+
+
+
+The stranger called--"Wilhelm!" A young serving-man came, and the
+stranger said to him:
+
+"Is there a lord Ulrich among the guests?"
+
+"I know none of the name, so please your honor."
+
+Conrad said, hesitatingly:
+
+"I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the castle, sir."
+
+The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering glances. Then the
+former said:
+
+"I am the lord of the castle."
+
+"Since when, sir?"
+
+"Since the death of my father, the good lord Ulrich more than forty
+years ago."
+
+Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his hands while he
+rocked his body to and fro and moaned. The stranger said in a low voice
+to the servant:
+
+"I fear me this poor old creature is mad. Call some one."
+
+In a moment several people came, and grouped themselves about, talking
+in whispers. Conrad looked up and scanned the faces about him wistfully.
+
+Then he shook his head and said, in a grieved voice:
+
+"No, there is none among ye that I know. I am old and alone in the
+world. They are dead and gone these many years that cared for me. But
+sure, some of these aged ones I see about me can tell me some little
+word or two concerning them."
+
+Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer and answered his
+questions about each former friend as he mentioned the names. This one
+they said had been dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty. Each
+succeeding blow struck heavier and heavier. At last the sufferer said:
+
+"There is one more, but I have not the courage to--O my lost Catharina!"
+
+One of the old dames said:
+
+"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul. A misfortune overtook her lover, and
+she died of sorrow nearly fifty years ago. She lieth under the linden
+tree without the court."
+
+Conrad bowed his head and said:
+
+"Ah, why did I ever wake! And so she died of grief for me, poor child.
+So young, so sweet, so good! She never wittingly did a hurtful thing in
+all the little summer of her life. Her loving debt shall be repaid--for
+I will die of grief for her."
+
+His head drooped upon his breast. In the moment there was a wild burst
+of joyous laughter, a pair of round young arms were flung about Conrad's
+neck and a sweet voice cried:
+
+"There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill me--the farce shall go no
+further! Look up, and laugh with us--'twas all a jest!"
+
+And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed wonderment--for the disguises
+were stripped away, and the aged men and women were bright and young and
+gay again. Catharina's happy tongue ran on:
+
+"'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out. They gave you a heavy
+sleeping-draught before you went to bed, and in the night they bore you
+to a ruined chamber where all had fallen to decay, and placed these rags
+of clothing by you. And when your sleep was spent and you came forth,
+two strangers, well instructed in their parts, were here to meet you;
+and all we, your friends, in our disguises, were close at hand, to see
+and hear, you may be sure. Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now, and make
+thee ready for the pleasures of the day. How real was thy misery for the
+moment, thou poor lad! Look up and have thy laugh, now!"
+
+He looked up, searched the merry faces about him in a dreamy way, then
+sighed and said:
+
+
+
+"I am aweary, good strangers, I pray you lead me to her grave."
+
+All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched, Catharina sunk to the
+ground in a swoon.
+
+All day the people went about the castle with troubled faces, and
+communed together in undertones. A painful hush pervaded the place which
+had lately been so full of cheery life. Each in his turn tried to arouse
+Conrad out of his hallucination and bring him to himself; but all the
+answer any got was a meek, bewildered stare, and then the words:
+
+"Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest these many years;
+ye speak me fair, ye mean me well, but I know ye not; I am alone and
+forlorn in the world--prithee lead me to her grave."
+
+During two years Conrad spent his days, from the early morning till the
+night, under the linden tree, mourning over the imaginary grave of his
+Catharina. Catharina was the only company of the harmless madman. He was
+very friendly toward her because, as he said, in some ways she reminded
+him of his Catharina whom he had lost "fifty years ago." He often said:
+
+"She was so gay, so happy-hearted--but you never smile; and always when
+you think I am not looking, you cry."
+
+When Conrad died, they buried him under the linden, according to his
+directions, so that he might rest "near his poor Catharina." Then
+Catharina sat under the linden alone, every day and all day long, a
+great many years, speaking to no one, and never smiling; and at last her
+long repentance was rewarded with death, and she was buried by Conrad's
+side.
+
+Harris pleased the captain by saying it was good legend; and pleased him
+further by adding:
+
+"Now that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous with its four hundred
+years, I feel a desire to believe the legend for ITS sake; so I will
+humor the desire, and consider that the tree really watches over those
+poor hearts and feels a sort of human tenderness for them."
+
+We returned to Necharsteinach, plunged our hot heads into the trough at
+the town pump, and then went to the hotel and ate our trout dinner in
+leisurely comfort, in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing at
+our feet, the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and the graceful towers
+and battlements of a couple of medieval castles (called the "Swallow's
+Nest" [1] and "The Brothers.") assisting the rugged scenery of a bend
+of the river down to our right. We got to sea in season to make the
+eight-mile run to Heidelberg before the night shut down. We sailed by
+the hotel in the mellow glow of sunset, and came slashing down with
+the mad current into the narrow passage between the dikes. I believed I
+could shoot the bridge myself, and I went to the forward triplet of logs
+and relieved the pilot of his pole and his responsibility.
+
+   1. The seeker after information is referred to Appendix E
+  for our captain's legend of the "Swallow's Nest" and
+  "The Brothers."
+
+
+
+We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, and I performed the
+delicate duties of my office very well indeed for a first attempt;
+but perceiving, presently, that I really was going to shoot the bridge
+itself instead of the archway under it, I judiciously stepped ashore.
+The next moment I had my long-coveted desire: I saw a raft wrecked. It
+hit the pier in the center and went all to smash and scatteration like a
+box of matches struck by lightning.
+
+
+
+I was the only one of our party who saw this grand sight; the others
+were attitudinizing, for the benefit of the long rank of young ladies
+who were promenading on the bank, and so they lost it. But I helped to
+fish them out of the river, down below the bridge, and then described it
+to them as well as I could.
+
+They were not interested, though. They said they were wet and felt
+ridiculous and did not care anything for descriptions of scenery. The
+young ladies, and other people, crowded around and showed a great deal
+of sympathy, but that did not help matters; for my friends said they did
+not want sympathy, they wanted a back alley and solitude.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+[My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug]
+
+
+Next morning brought good news--our trunks had arrived from Hamburg
+at last. Let this be a warning to the reader. The Germans are very
+conscientious, and this trait makes them very particular. Therefore if
+you tell a German you want a thing done immediately, he takes you
+at your word; he thinks you mean what you say; so he does that thing
+immediately--according to his idea of immediately--which is about a
+week; that is, it is a week if it refers to the building of a garment,
+or it is an hour and a half if it refers to the cooking of a trout. Very
+well; if you tell a German to send your trunk to you by "slow freight,"
+he takes you at your word; he sends it by "slow freight," and you
+cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarging your admiration of the
+expressiveness of that phrase in the German tongue, before you get that
+trunk. The hair on my trunk was soft and thick and youthful, when I
+got it ready for shipment in Hamburg; it was baldheaded when it reached
+Heidelberg. However, it was still sound, that was a comfort, it was
+not battered in the least; the baggagemen seemed to be conscientiously
+careful, in Germany, of the baggage entrusted to their hands. There
+was nothing now in the way of our departure, therefore we set about our
+preparations.
+
+Naturally my chief solicitude was about my collection of Ceramics. Of
+course I could not take it with me, that would be inconvenient, and
+dangerous besides. I took advice, but the best brick-a-brackers were
+divided as to the wisest course to pursue; some said pack the collection
+and warehouse it; others said try to get it into the Grand Ducal Museum
+at Mannheim for safe keeping. So I divided the collection, and followed
+the advice of both parties. I set aside, for the Museum, those articles
+which were the most frail and precious.
+
+Among these was my Etruscan tear-jug. I have made a little sketch of
+it here; that thing creeping up the side is not a bug, it is a hole.
+I bought this tear-jug of a dealer in antiquities for four hundred and
+fifty dollars. It is very rare. The man said the Etruscans used to keep
+tears or something in these things, and that it was very hard to get
+hold of a broken one, now.
+
+
+
+I also set aside my Henri II. plate. See sketch from my pencil; it is
+in the main correct, though I think I have foreshortened one end of it
+a little too much, perhaps. This is very fine and rare; the shape is
+exceedingly beautiful and unusual. It has wonderful decorations on it,
+but I am not able to reproduce them. It cost more than the tear-jug, as
+the dealer said there was not another plate just like it in the
+world. He said there was much false Henri II ware around, but that the
+genuineness of this piece was unquestionable.
+
+
+
+He showed me its pedigree, or its history, if you please; it was a
+document which traced this plate's movements all the way down from its
+birth--showed who bought it, from whom, and what he paid for it--from
+the first buyer down to me, whereby I saw that it had gone steadily up
+from thirty-five cents to seven hundred dollars. He said that the whole
+Ceramic world would be informed that it was now in my possession and
+would make a note of it, with the price paid. [Figure 8]
+
+There were Masters in those days, but, alas--it is not so now. Of course
+the main preciousness of this piece lies in its color; it is that old
+sensuous, pervading, ramifying, interpolating, transboreal blue which is
+the despair of modern art. The little sketch which I have made of this
+gem cannot and does not do it justice, since I have been obliged to
+leave out the color. But I've got the expression, though.
+
+
+
+However, I must not be frittering away the reader's time with these
+details. I did not intend to go into any detail at all, at first, but
+it is the failing of the true ceramiker, or the true devotee in any
+department of brick-a-brackery, that once he gets his tongue or his pen
+started on his darling theme, he cannot well stop until he drops from
+exhaustion. He has no more sense of the flight of time than has any
+other lover when talking of his sweetheart. The very "marks" on the
+bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering
+ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning relative to help dispute about
+whether the stopple of a departed Buon Retiro scent-bottle was genuine
+or spurious.
+
+
+
+Many people say that for a male person, bric-a-brac hunting is about as
+robust a business as making doll-clothes, or decorating Japanese pots
+with decalcomania butterflies would be, and these people fling mud at
+the elegant Englishman, Byng, who wrote a book called THE BRIC-A-BRAC
+HUNTER, and make fun of him for chasing around after what they choose to
+call "his despicable trifles"; and for "gushing" over these trifles;
+and for exhibiting his "deep infantile delight" in what they call his
+"tuppenny collection of beggarly trivialities"; and for beginning his
+book with a picture of himself seated, in a "sappy, self-complacent
+attitude, in the midst of his poor little ridiculous bric-a-brac junk
+shop."
+
+It is easy to say these things; it is easy to revile us, easy to despise
+us; therefore, let these people rail on; they cannot feel as Byng and
+I feel--it is their loss, not ours. For my part I am content to be a
+brick-a-bracker and a ceramiker--more, I am proud to be so named. I am
+proud to know that I lose my reason as immediately in the presence of a
+rare jug with an illustrious mark on the bottom of it, as if I had
+just emptied that jug. Very well; I packed and stored a part of my
+collection, and the rest of it I placed in the care of the Grand Ducal
+Museum in Mannheim, by permission. My Old Blue China Cat remains there
+yet. I presented it to that excellent institution.
+
+
+
+I had but one misfortune with my things. An egg which I had kept back
+from breakfast that morning, was broken in packing. It was a great pity.
+I had shown it to the best connoisseurs in Heidelberg, and they all said
+it was an antique. We spent a day or two in farewell visits, and then
+left for Baden-Baden. We had a pleasant trip to it, for the Rhine valley
+is always lovely. The only trouble was that the trip was too short. If
+I remember rightly it only occupied a couple of hours, therefore I judge
+that the distance was very little, if any, over fifty miles. We
+quitted the train at Oos, and walked the entire remaining distance to
+Baden-Baden, with the exception of a lift of less than an hour which
+we got on a passing wagon, the weather being exhaustingly warm. We came
+into town on foot.
+
+One of the first persons we encountered, as we walked up the street,
+was the Rev. Mr. ------, an old friend from America--a lucky encounter,
+indeed, for his is a most gentle, refined, and sensitive nature, and his
+company and companionship are a genuine refreshment. We knew he had been
+in Europe some time, but were not at all expecting to run across him.
+Both parties burst forth into loving enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr. ------
+said:
+
+"I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour out on you, and an empty
+one ready and thirsting to receive what you have got; we will sit up
+till midnight and have a good satisfying interchange, for I leave here
+early in the morning." We agreed to that, of course.
+
+I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a person who was walking
+in the street abreast of us; I had glanced furtively at him once or
+twice, and noticed that he was a fine, large, vigorous young fellow,
+with an open, independent countenance, faintly shaded with a pale and
+even almost imperceptible crop of early down, and that he was clothed
+from head to heel in cool and enviable snow-white linen. I thought I had
+also noticed that his head had a sort of listening tilt to it. Now about
+this time the Rev. Mr. ------ said:
+
+"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, so I will walk behind;
+but keep the talk going, keep the talk going, there's no time to lose,
+and you may be sure I will do my share." He ranged himself behind us,
+and straightway that stately snow-white young fellow closed up to the
+sidewalk alongside him, fetched him a cordial slap on the shoulder with
+his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeriness:
+
+"AMERICANS for two-and-a-half and the money up! HEY?"
+
+The Reverend winced, but said mildly:
+
+"Yes--we are Americans."
+
+"Lord love you, you can just bet that's what _I_ am, every time! Put it
+there!"
+
+
+
+He held out his Sahara of his palm, and the Reverend laid his diminutive
+hand in it, and got so cordial a shake that we heard his glove burst
+under it.
+
+"Say, didn't I put you up right?"
+
+"Oh, yes."
+
+"Sho! I spotted you for MY kind the minute I heard your clack. You been
+over here long?"
+
+"About four months. Have you been over long?"
+
+"LONG? Well, I should say so! Going on two YEARS, by geeminy! Say, are
+you homesick?"
+
+"No, I can't say that I am. Are you?"
+
+"Oh, HELL, yes!" This with immense enthusiasm.
+
+The Reverend shrunk a little, in his clothes, and we were aware, rather
+by instinct than otherwise, that he was throwing out signals of distress
+to us; but we did not interfere or try to succor him, for we were quite
+happy.
+
+The young fellow hooked his arm into the Reverend's, now, with the
+confiding and grateful air of a waif who has been longing for a friend,
+and a sympathetic ear, and a chance to lisp once more the sweet accents
+of the mother-tongue--and then he limbered up the muscles of his mouth
+and turned himself loose--and with such a relish! Some of his words were
+not Sunday-school words, so I am obliged to put blanks where they occur.
+
+"Yes indeedy! If _I_ ain't an American there AIN'T any Americans, that's
+all. And when I heard you fellows gassing away in the good old American
+language, I'm ------ if it wasn't all I could do to keep from hugging
+you! My tongue's all warped with trying to curl it around these ------
+forsaken wind-galled nine-jointed German words here; now I TELL you it's
+awful good to lay it over a Christian word once more and kind of let the
+old taste soak it. I'm from western New York. My name is Cholley Adams.
+I'm a student, you know. Been here going on two years. I'm learning to
+be a horse-doctor! I LIKE that part of it, you know, but ------these
+people, they won't learn a fellow in his own language, they make him
+learn in German; so before I could tackle the horse-doctoring I had to
+tackle this miserable language.
+
+"First off, I thought it would certainly give me the botts, but I don't
+mind now. I've got it where the hair's short, I think; and dontchuknow,
+they made me learn Latin, too. Now between you and me, I wouldn't give a
+------for all the Latin that was ever jabbered; and the first thing _I_
+calculate to do when I get through, is to just sit down and forget it.
+'Twon't take me long, and I don't mind the time, anyway. And I tell
+you what! the difference between school-teaching over yonder and
+school-teaching over here--sho! WE don't know anything about it! Here
+you've got to peg and peg and peg and there just ain't any let-up--and
+what you learn here, you've got to KNOW, dontchuknow --or else you'll
+have one of these ------ spavined, spectacles, ring-boned, knock-kneed
+old professors in your hair. I've been here long ENOUGH, and I'm getting
+blessed tired of it, mind I TELL you. The old man wrote me that he was
+coming over in June, and said he'd take me home in August, whether I was
+done with my education or not, but durn him, he didn't come; never said
+why; just sent me a hamper of Sunday-school books, and told me to
+be good, and hold on a while. I don't take to Sunday-school books,
+dontchuknow--I don't hanker after them when I can get pie--but I READ
+them, anyway, because whatever the old man tells me to do, that's the
+thing that I'm a-going to DO, or tear something, you know. I buckled
+in and read all those books, because he wanted me to; but that kind of
+thing don't excite ME, I like something HEARTY. But I'm awful homesick.
+I'm homesick from ear-socket to crupper, and from crupper to hock-joint;
+but it ain't any use, I've got to stay here, till the old man drops the
+rag and give the word--yes, SIR, right here in this ------ country
+I've got to linger till the old man says COME!--and you bet your bottom
+dollar, Johnny, it AIN'T just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins!"
+
+At the end of this profane and cordial explosion he fetched a prodigious
+"WHOOSH!" to relieve his lungs and make recognition of the heat, and
+then he straightway dived into his narrative again for "Johnny's"
+benefit, beginning, "Well, ------it ain't any use talking, some of those
+old American words DO have a kind of a bully swing to them; a man
+can EXPRESS himself with 'em--a man can get at what he wants to SAY,
+dontchuknow."
+
+
+
+When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he was about to lose the
+Reverend, he showed so much sorrow, and begged so hard and so earnestly
+that the Reverend's heart was not hard enough to hold out against the
+pleadings--so he went away with the parent-honoring student, like a
+right Christian, and took supper with him in his lodgings, and sat in
+the surf-beat of his slang and profanity till near midnight, and then
+left him--left him pretty well talked out, but grateful "clear down
+to his frogs," as he expressed it. The Reverend said it had transpired
+during the interview that "Cholley" Adams's father was an extensive
+dealer in horses in western New York; this accounted for Cholley's
+choice of a profession. The Reverend brought away a pretty high opinion
+of Cholley as a manly young fellow, with stuff in him for a useful
+citizen; he considered him rather a rough gem, but a gem, nevertheless.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+[Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans]
+
+
+Baden-Baden sits in the lap of the hills, and the natural and artificial
+beauties of the surroundings are combined effectively and charmingly.
+The level strip of ground which stretches through and beyond the town is
+laid out in handsome pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees and adorned
+at intervals with lofty and sparkling fountain-jets. Thrice a day a fine
+band makes music in the public promenade before the Conversation
+House, and in the afternoon and evening that locality is populous with
+fashionably dressed people of both sexes, who march back and forth past
+the great music-stand and look very much bored, though they make a
+show of feeling otherwise. It seems like a rather aimless and stupid
+existence. A good many of these people are there for a real purpose,
+however; they are racked with rheumatism, and they are there to stew it
+out in the hot baths. These invalids looked melancholy enough, limping
+about on their canes and crutches, and apparently brooding over all
+sorts of cheerless things. People say that Germany, with her damp stone
+houses, is the home of rheumatism. If that is so, Providence must have
+foreseen that it would be so, and therefore filled the land with the
+healing baths. Perhaps no other country is so generously supplied with
+medicinal springs as Germany. Some of these baths are good for one
+ailment, some for another; and again, peculiar ailments are conquered
+by combining the individual virtues of several different baths. For
+instance, for some forms of disease, the patient drinks the native hot
+water of Baden-Baden, with a spoonful of salt from the Carlsbad springs
+dissolved in it. That is not a dose to be forgotten right away.
+
+They don't SELL this hot water; no, you go into the great Trinkhalle,
+and stand around, first on one foot and then on the other, while two or
+three young girls sit pottering at some sort of ladylike sewing-work
+in your neighborhood and can't seem to see you --polite as three-dollar
+clerks in government offices.
+
+
+
+By and by one of these rises painfully, and "stretches"--stretches fists
+and body heavenward till she raises her heels from the floor, at the
+same time refreshing herself with a yawn of such comprehensiveness that
+the bulk of her face disappears behind her upper lip and one is able to
+see how she is constructed inside--then she slowly closes her
+cavern, brings down her fists and her heels, comes languidly forward,
+contemplates you contemptuously, draws you a glass of hot water and sets
+it down where you can get it by reaching for it. You take it and say:
+
+"How much?"--and she returns you, with elaborate indifference, a
+beggar's answer:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE" (what you please.)
+
+This thing of using the common beggar's trick and the common beggar's
+shibboleth to put you on your liberality when you were expecting a
+simple straightforward commercial transaction, adds a little to your
+prospering sense of irritation. You ignore her reply, and ask again:
+
+"How much?"
+
+--and she calmly, indifferently, repeats:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+You are getting angry, but you are trying not to show it; you resolve
+to keep on asking your question till she changes her answer, or at least
+her annoyingly indifferent manner. Therefore, if your case be like mine,
+you two fools stand there, and without perceptible emotion of any kind,
+or any emphasis on any syllable, you look blandly into each other's
+eyes, and hold the following idiotic conversation:
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+I do not know what another person would have done, but at this point I
+gave up; that cast-iron indifference, that tranquil contemptuousness,
+conquered me, and I struck my colors. Now I knew she was used to
+receiving about a penny from manly people who care nothing about the
+opinions of scullery-maids, and about tuppence from moral cowards; but
+I laid a silver twenty-five cent piece within her reach and tried to
+shrivel her up with this sarcastic speech:
+
+"If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently from your official
+dignity to say so?"
+
+She did not shrivel. Without deigning to look at me at all, she
+languidly lifted the coin and bit it!--to see if it was good. Then she
+turned her back and placidly waddled to her former roost again, tossing
+the money into an open till as she went along. She was victor to the
+last, you see.
+
+
+
+I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl because they are typical;
+her manners are the manners of a goodly number of the Baden-Baden
+shopkeepers. The shopkeeper there swindles you if he can, and insults
+you whether he succeeds in swindling you or not. The keepers of baths
+also take great and patient pains to insult you. The frowsy woman who
+sat at the desk in the lobby of the great Friederichsbad and sold bath
+tickets, not only insulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity
+to her great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat me out of a
+shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled her to ten. Baden-Baden's
+splendid gamblers are gone, only her microscopic knaves remain.
+
+
+
+An English gentleman who had been living there several years, said:
+
+"If you could disguise your nationality, you would not find any
+insolence here. These shopkeepers detest the English and despise the
+Americans; they are rude to both, more especially to ladies of your
+nationality and mine. If these go shopping without a gentleman or
+a man-servant, they are tolerably sure to be subjected to petty
+insolences--insolences of manner and tone, rather than word, though
+words that are hard to bear are not always wanting. I know of an
+instance where a shopkeeper tossed a coin back to an American lady with
+the remark, snappishly uttered, 'We don't take French money here.' And
+I know of a case where an English lady said to one of these shopkeepers,
+'Don't you think you ask too much for this article?' and he replied with
+the question, 'Do you think you are obliged to buy it?' However, these
+people are not impolite to Russians or Germans. And as to rank, they
+worship that, for they have long been used to generals and nobles. If
+you wish to see what abysses servility can descend, present yourself
+before a Baden-Baden shopkeeper in the character of a Russian prince."
+
+It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty fraud, and snobbery,
+but the baths are good. I spoke with many people, and they were all
+agreed in that. I had the twinges of rheumatism unceasingly during three
+years, but the last one departed after a fortnight's bathing there,
+and I have never had one since. I fully believe I left my rheumatism in
+Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is welcome to it. It was little, but it was
+all I had to give. I would have preferred to leave something that was
+catching, but it was not in my power.
+
+There are several hot springs there, and during two thousand years they
+have poured forth a never-diminishing abundance of the healing water.
+This water is conducted in pipe to the numerous bath-houses, and is
+reduced to an endurable temperature by the addition of cold water. The
+new Friederichsbad is a very large and beautiful building, and in it one
+may have any sort of bath that has ever been invented, and with all
+the additions of herbs and drugs that his ailment may need or that the
+physician of the establishment may consider a useful thing to put into
+the water. You go there, enter the great door, get a bow graduated to
+your style and clothes from the gorgeous portier, and a bath ticket and
+an insult from the frowsy woman for a quarter; she strikes a bell and
+a serving-man conducts you down a long hall and shuts you into a
+commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror, a bootjack, and a sofa
+in it, and there you undress at your leisure.
+
+
+
+The room is divided by a great curtain; you draw this curtain aside, and
+find a large white marble bathtub, with its rim sunk to the level of the
+floor, and with three white marble steps leading down to it. This tub
+is full of water which is as clear as crystal, and is tempered to 28
+degrees Re'aumur (about 95 degrees Fahrenheit). Sunk into the floor, by
+the tub, is a covered copper box which contains some warm towels and a
+sheet. You look fully as white as an angel when you are stretched out
+in that limpid bath. You remain in it ten minutes, the first time,
+and afterward increase the duration from day to day, till you reach
+twenty-five or thirty minutes. There you stop. The appointments of the
+place are so luxurious, the benefit so marked, the price so moderate,
+and the insults so sure, that you very soon find yourself adoring the
+Friederichsbad and infesting it.
+
+We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good hotel, in Baden-Baden--the
+Hotel de France--and alongside my room I had a giggling, cackling,
+chattering family who always went to bed just two hours after me and
+always got up two hours ahead of me. But this is common in German
+hotels; the people generally go to bed long after eleven and get up
+long before eight. The partitions convey sound like a drum-head, and
+everybody knows it; but no matter, a German family who are all kindness
+and consideration in the daytime make apparently no effort to moderate
+their noises for your benefit at night. They will sing, laugh, and talk
+loudly, and bang furniture around in a most pitiless way. If you knock
+on your wall appealingly, they will quiet down and discuss the matter
+softly among themselves for a moment--then, like the mice, they fall to
+persecuting you again, and as vigorously as before. They keep cruelly
+late and early hours, for such noisy folk.
+
+Of course, when one begins to find fault with foreign people's ways, he
+is very likely to get a reminder to look nearer home, before he gets far
+with it. I open my note-book to see if I can find some more information
+of a valuable nature about Baden-Baden, and the first thing I fall upon
+is this:
+
+"BADEN-BADEN (no date). Lot of vociferous Americans at breakfast
+this morning. Talking AT everybody, while pretending to talk among
+themselves. On their first travels, manifestly. Showing off. The usual
+signs--airy, easy-going references to grand distances and foreign
+places. 'Well GOOD-by, old fellow--if I don't run across you in Italy,
+you hunt me up in London before you sail.'"
+
+The next item which I find in my note-book is this one:
+
+"The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now murdering our
+frontiersmen at their impudent leisure, and that we are only able
+to send 1,200 soldiers against them, is utilized here to discourage
+emigration to America. The common people think the Indians are in New
+Jersey."
+
+
+
+This is a new and peculiar argument against keeping our army down to a
+ridiculous figure in the matter of numbers. It is rather a striking
+one, too. I have not distorted the truth in saying that the facts in
+the above item, about the army and the Indians, are made use of to
+discourage emigration to America. That the common people should be
+rather foggy in their geography, and foggy as to the location of the
+Indians, is a matter for amusement, maybe, but not of surprise.
+
+There is an interesting old cemetery in Baden-Baden, and we spent
+several pleasant hours in wandering through it and spelling out the
+inscriptions on the aged tombstones. Apparently after a man has laid
+there a century or two, and has had a good many people buried on top
+of him, it is considered that his tombstone is not needed by him any
+longer. I judge so from the fact that hundreds of old gravestones have
+been removed from the graves and placed against the inner walls of the
+cemetery. What artists they had in the old times! They chiseled angels
+and cherubs and devils and skeletons on the tombstones in the most
+lavish and generous way--as to supply--but curiously grotesque and
+outlandish as to form. It is not always easy to tell which of the
+figures belong among the blest and which of them among the opposite
+party. But there was an inscription, in French, on one of those old
+stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was plainly not the work of any
+other than a poet. It was to this effect:
+
+Here Reposes in God, Caroline de Clery, a Religieuse of St. Denis aged
+83 years--and blind. The light was restored to her in Baden the 5th of
+January, 1839
+
+We made several excursions on foot to the neighboring villages, over
+winding and beautiful roads and through enchanting woodland scenery.
+The woods and roads were similar to those at Heidelberg, but not
+so bewitching. I suppose that roads and woods which are up to the
+Heidelberg mark are rare in the world.
+
+Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita Palace, which is several
+miles from Baden-Baden. The grounds about the palace were fine; the
+palace was a curiosity. It was built by a Margravine in 1725, and
+remains as she left it at her death. We wandered through a great many
+of its rooms, and they all had striking peculiarities of decoration.
+For instance, the walls of one room were pretty completely covered
+with small pictures of the Margravine in all conceivable varieties of
+fanciful costumes, some of them male.
+
+The walls of another room were covered with grotesquely and elaborately
+figured hand-wrought tapestry. The musty ancient beds remained in the
+chambers, and their quilts and curtains and canopies were decorated with
+curious handwork, and the walls and ceilings frescoed with historical
+and mythological scenes in glaring colors. There was enough crazy and
+rotten rubbish in the building to make a true brick-a-bracker green with
+envy. A painting in the dining-hall verged upon the indelicate--but then
+the Margravine was herself a trifle indelicate.
+
+It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely decorated house, and
+brimful of interest as a reflection of the character and tastes of that
+rude bygone time.
+
+In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, stands the Margravine's
+chapel, just as she left it--a coarse wooden structure, wholly barren
+of ornament. It is said that the Margravine would give herself up to
+debauchery and exceedingly fast living for several months at a time,
+and then retire to this miserable wooden den and spend a few months in
+repenting and getting ready for another good time. She was a devoted
+Catholic, and was perhaps quite a model sort of a Christian as
+Christians went then, in high life.
+
+Tradition says she spent the last two years of her life in the strange
+den I have been speaking of, after having indulged herself in one final,
+triumphant, and satisfying spree. She shut herself up there, without
+company, and without even a servant, and so abjured and forsook the
+world. In her little bit of a kitchen she did her own cooking; she wore
+a hair shirt next the skin, and castigated herself with whips--these
+aids to grace are exhibited there yet. She prayed and told her beads,
+in another little room, before a waxen Virgin niched in a little box
+against the wall; she bedded herself like a slave.
+
+In another small room is an unpainted wooden table, and behind it sit
+half-life-size waxen figures of the Holy Family, made by the very worst
+artist that ever lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy drapery.
+[1] The margravine used to bring her meals to this table and DINE WITH
+THE HOLY FAMILY. What an idea that was! What a grisly spectacle it must
+have been! Imagine it: Those rigid, shock-headed figures, with corpsy
+complexions and fish glass eyes, occupying one side of the table in the
+constrained attitudes and dead fixedness that distinguish all men that
+are born of wax, and this wrinkled, smoldering old fire-eater occupying
+the other side, mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages in the
+ghostly stillness and shadowy indistinctness of a winter twilight. It
+makes one feel crawly even to think of it.
+
+  [1] The Savior was represented as a lad of about fifteen
+  years of age. This figure had lost one eye.
+
+
+
+In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed like a pauper, this
+strange princess lived and worshiped during two years, and in it she
+died. Two or three hundred years ago, this would have made the poor den
+holy ground; and the church would have set up a miracle-factory there
+and made plenty of money out of it. The den could be moved into some
+portions of France and made a good property even now.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, Part 3, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad, Part 3
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: June 18, 2004 [EBook #5784]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD, PART 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger (Illustrated HTML version)
+
+
+
+
+
+                    A TRAMP ABROAD
+
+                     By Mark Twain
+                  (Samuel L. Clemens)
+
+                First published in 1880
+
+
+                      Part 3.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+Down the River
+[Charming Waterside Pictures]
+
+Men and women and cattle were at work in the dewy fields
+by this time.  The people often stepped aboard the raft,
+as we glided along the grassy shores, and gossiped with us
+and with the crew for a hundred yards or so, then stepped
+ashore again, refreshed by the ride.
+
+Only the men did this; the women were too busy.
+The women do all kinds of work on the continent.  They dig,
+they hoe, they reap, they sow, they bear monstrous burdens
+on their backs, they shove similar ones long distances
+on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog
+or lean cow to drag it--and when there is, they assist
+the dog or cow.  Age is no matter--the older the woman
+the stronger she is, apparently.  On the farm a woman's
+duties are not defined--she does a little of everything;
+but in the towns it is different, there she only does
+certain things, the men do the rest.  For instance,
+a hotel chambermaid has nothing to do but make beds and
+fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring towels and candles,
+and fetch several tons of water up several flights of stairs,
+a hundred pounds at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers.
+She does not have to work more than eighteen or twenty hours
+a day, and she can always get down on her knees and scrub
+the floors of halls and closets when she is tired and needs
+a rest.
+
+As the morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took
+off our outside clothing and sat in a row along the edge
+of the raft and enjoyed the scenery, with our sun-umbrellas
+over our heads and our legs dangling in the water.
+Every now and then we plunged in and had a swim.
+Every projecting grassy cape had its joyous group
+of naked children, the boys to themselves and the girls
+to themselves, the latter usually in care of some motherly
+dame who sat in the shade of a tree with her knitting.
+The little boys swam out to us, sometimes, but the little
+maids stood knee-deep in the water and stopped their splashing
+and frolicking to inspect the raft with their innocent
+eyes as it drifted by.  Once we turned a corner suddenly
+and surprised a slender girl of twelve years or upward,
+just stepping into the water.  She had not time to run,
+but she did what answered just as well; she promptly
+drew a lithe young willow bough athwart her white body
+with one hand, and then contemplated us with a simple and
+untroubled interest.  Thus she stood while we glided by.
+She was a pretty creature, and she and her willow bough
+made a very pretty picture, and one which could not
+offend the modesty of the most fastidious spectator.
+Her white skin had a low bank of fresh green willows for
+background and effective contrast--for she stood against
+them--and above and out of them projected the eager faces
+and white shoulders of two smaller girls.
+
+Toward noon we heard the inspiring cry:
+
+"Sail ho!"
+
+"Where away?" shouted the captain.
+
+"Three points off the weather bow!"
+
+We ran forward to see the vessel.  It proved to be
+a steamboat--for they had begun to run a steamer up
+the Neckar, for the first time in May.  She was a tug,
+and one of a very peculiar build and aspect.  I had
+often watched her from the hotel, and wondered how she
+propelled herself, for apparently she had no propeller
+or paddles.  She came churning along, now, making a deal
+of noise of one kind or another, and aggravating it every
+now and then by blowing a hoarse whistle.  She had nine
+keel-boats hitched on behind and following after her
+in a long, slender rank.  We met her in a narrow place,
+between dikes, and there was hardly room for us both in the
+cramped passage.  As she went grinding and groaning by,
+we perceived the secret of her moving impulse.  She did
+not drive herself up the river with paddles or propeller,
+she pulled herself by hauling on a great chain.
+This chain is laid in the bed of the river and is only
+fastened at the two ends.  It is seventy miles long.
+It comes in over the boat's bow, passes around a drum,
+and is payed out astern.  She pulls on that chain,
+and so drags herself up the river or down it.  She has
+neither bow or stern, strictly speaking, for she has a
+long-bladed rudder on each end and she never turns around.
+She uses both rudders all the time, and they are powerful
+enough to enable her to turn to the right or the left
+and steer around curves, in spite of the strong resistance
+of the chain.  I would not have believed that that impossible
+thing could be done; but I saw it done, and therefore I
+know that there is one impossible thing which CAN be done.
+What miracle will man attempt next?
+
+We met many big keel-boats on their way up, using sails,
+mule power, and profanity--a tedious and laborious business.
+A wire rope led from the foretopmast to the file of mules
+on the tow-path a hundred yards ahead, and by dint
+of much banging and swearing and urging, the detachment
+of drivers managed to get a speed of two or three miles
+an hour out of the mules against the stiff current.
+The Neckar has always been used as a canal, and thus
+has given employment to a great many men and animals;
+but now that this steamboat is able, with a small crew
+and a bushel or so of coal, to take nine keel-boats farther
+up the river in one hour than thirty men and thirty mules
+can do it in two, it is believed that the old-fashioned
+towing industry is on its death-bed. A second steamboat
+began work in the Neckar three months after the first one
+was put in service.  [Figure 4]
+
+At noon we stepped ashore and bought some bottled beer
+and got some chickens cooked, while the raft waited;
+then we immediately put to sea again, and had our
+dinner while the beer was cold and the chickens hot.
+There is no pleasanter place for such a meal than a raft
+that is gliding down the winding Neckar past green meadows
+and wooded hills, and slumbering villages, and craggy
+heights graced with crumbling towers and battlements.
+
+In one place we saw a nicely dressed German gentleman
+without any spectacles.  Before I could come to anchor
+he had got underway.  It was a great pity.  I so wanted
+to make a sketch of him.  The captain comforted me
+for my loss, however, by saying that the man was without
+any doubt a fraud who had spectacles, but kept them
+in his pocket in order to make himself conspicuous.
+
+Below Hassmersheim we passed Hornberg, Goetz von Berlichingen's
+old castle.  It stands on a bold elevation two hundred feet
+above the surface of the river; it has high vine-clad walls
+enclosing trees, and a peaked tower about seventy-five
+feet high.  The steep hillside, from the castle clear
+down to the water's edge, is terraced, and clothed thick
+with grape vines.  This is like farming a mansard roof.
+All the steeps along that part of the river which furnish
+the proper exposure, are given up to the grape.  That region
+is a great producer of Rhine wines.  The Germans are
+exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall,
+slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage.
+One tells them from vinegar by the label.
+
+The Hornberg hill is to be tunneled, and the new railway
+will pass under the castle.
+
+THE CAVE OF THE SPECTER
+
+Two miles below Hornberg castle is a cave in a low cliff,
+which the captain of the raft said had once been occupied
+by a beautiful heiress of Hornberg--the Lady Gertrude
+--in the old times.  It was seven hundred years ago.
+She had a number of rich and noble lovers and one poor
+and obscure one, Sir Wendel Lobenfeld.  With the native
+chuckleheadedness of the heroine of romance, she preferred
+the poor and obscure lover.  With the native sound judgment
+of the father of a heroine of romance, the von Berlichingen
+of that day shut his daughter up in his donjon keep,
+or his oubliette, or his culverin, or some such place,
+and resolved that she should stay there until she selected
+a husband from among her rich and noble lovers.  The latter
+visited her and persecuted her with their supplications,
+but without effect, for her heart was true to her poor
+despised Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy Land.
+Finally, she resolved that she would endure the attentions
+of the rich lovers no longer; so one stormy night she escaped
+and went down the river and hid herself in the cave on
+the other side.  Her father ransacked the country for her,
+but found not a trace of her.  As the days went by,
+and still no tidings of her came, his conscience began
+to torture him, and he caused proclamation to be made
+that if she were yet living and would return, he would
+oppose her no longer, she might marry whom she would.
+The months dragged on, all hope forsook the old man,
+he ceased from his customary pursuits and pleasures,
+he devoted himself to pious works, and longed for the
+deliverance of death.
+
+Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress stood
+in the mouth of her cave, arrayed in white robes, and sang
+a little love ballad which her Crusader had made for her.
+She judged that if he came home alive the superstitious
+peasants would tell him about the ghost that sang in the cave,
+and that as soon as they described the ballad he would know
+that none but he and she knew that song, therefore he would
+suspect that she was alive, and would come and find her.
+As time went on, the people of the region became sorely
+distressed about the Specter of the Haunted Cave.
+It was said that ill luck of one kind or another always
+overtook any one who had the misfortune to hear that song.
+Eventually, every calamity that happened thereabouts was
+laid at the door of that music.  Consequently, no boatmen
+would consent to pass the cave at night; the peasants
+shunned the place, even in the daytime.
+
+But the faithful girl sang on, night after night,
+month after month, and patiently waited; her reward
+must come at last.  Five years dragged by, and still,
+every night at midnight, the plaintive tones floated out
+over the silent land, while the distant boatmen and peasants
+thrust their fingers into their ears and shuddered out a prayer.
+
+And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and battle-scarred,
+but bringing a great and splendid fame to lay at the feet
+of his bride.  The old lord of Hornberg received him as
+his son, and wanted him to stay by him and be the comfort
+and blessing of his age; but the tale of that young
+girl's devotion to him and its pathetic consequences
+made a changed man of the knight.  He could not enjoy
+his well-earned rest.  He said his heart was broken,
+he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds
+in the cause of humanity, and so find a worthy death
+and a blessed reunion with the brave true heart whose
+love had more honored him than all his victories in war.
+
+When the people heard this resolve of his, they came and told
+him there was a pitiless dragon in human disguise in the
+Haunted Cave, a dread creature which no knight had yet been
+bold enough to face, and begged him to rid the land of its
+desolating presence.  He said he would do it.  They told
+him about the song, and when he asked what song it was,
+they said the memory of it was gone, for nobody had been
+hardy enough to listen to it for the past four years and more.
+
+Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down the river
+in a boat, with his trusty cross-bow in his hands.
+He drifted silently through the dim reflections of the
+crags and trees, with his intent eyes fixed upon the low
+cliff which he was approaching.  As he drew nearer,
+he discerned the black mouth of the cave.  Now--is that
+a white figure? Yes.  The plaintive song begins to well
+forth and float away over meadow and river--the cross-bow
+is slowly raised to position, a steady aim is taken,
+the bolt flies straight to the mark--the figure sinks down,
+still singing, the knight takes the wool out of his ears,
+and recognizes the old ballad--too late! Ah, if he had
+only not put the wool in his ears!
+
+The Crusader went away to the wars again, and presently
+fell in battle, fighting for the Cross.  Tradition says
+that during several centuries the spirit of the unfortunate
+girl sang nightly from the cave at midnight, but the music
+carried no curse with it; and although many listened
+for the mysterious sounds, few were favored, since only
+those could hear them who had never failed in a trust.
+It is believed that the singing still continues, but it is
+known that nobody has heard it during the present century.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+An Ancient Legend of the Rhine
+[The Lorelei]
+
+The last legend reminds one of the "Lorelei"--a legend
+of the Rhine.  There is a song called "The Lorelei."
+
+Germany is rich in folk-songs, and the words and airs of
+several of them are peculiarly beautiful--but "The Lorelei"
+is the people's favorite.  I could not endure it at first,
+but by and by it began to take hold of me, and now there
+is no tune which I like so well.
+
+It is not possible that it is much known in America, else I
+should have heard it there.  The fact that I never heard
+it there, is evidence that there are others in my country
+who have fared likewise; therefore, for the sake of these,
+I mean to print the words and music in this chapter.
+And I will refresh the reader's memory by printing the legend
+of the Lorelei, too.  I have it by me in the LEGENDS OF
+THE RHINE, done into English by the wildly gifted Garnham,
+Bachelor of Arts.  I print the legend partly to refresh
+my own memory, too, for I have never read it before.
+
+THE LEGEND
+
+Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who used to sit
+on a high rock called the Ley or Lei (pronounced like our
+word LIE) in the Rhine, and lure boatmen to destruction
+in a furious rapid which marred the channel at that spot.
+She so bewitched them with her plaintive songs and her
+wonderful beauty that they forgot everything else to gaze
+up at her, and so they presently drifted among the broken
+reefs and were lost.
+
+In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in a great
+castle near there with his son, the Count Hermann, a youth
+of twenty.  Hermann had heard a great deal about the
+beautiful Lore, and had finally fallen very deeply in love
+with her without having seen her.  So he used to wander
+to the neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with his Zither
+and "Express his Longing in low Singing," as Garnham says.
+On one of these occasions, "suddenly there hovered around
+the top of the rock a brightness of unequaled clearness
+and color, which, in increasingly smaller circles thickened,
+was the enchanting figure of the beautiful Lore.
+
+"An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, he let
+his Zither fall, and with extended arms he called out
+the name of the enigmatical Being, who seemed to stoop
+lovingly to him and beckon to him in a friendly manner;
+indeed, if his ear did not deceive him, she called his
+name with unutterable sweet Whispers, proper to love.
+Beside himself with delight the youth lost his Senses
+and sank senseless to the earth."
+
+After that he was a changed person.  He went dreaming about,
+thinking only of his fairy and caring for naught else
+in the world.  "The old count saw with affliction this
+changement in his son," whose cause he could not divine,
+and tried to divert his mind into cheerful channels,
+but to no purpose.  Then the old count used authority.
+He commanded the youth to betake himself to the camp.
+Obedience was promised.  Garnham says:
+
+"It was on the evening before his departure, as he
+wished still once to visit the Lei and offer to the
+Nymph of the Rhine his Sighs, the tones of his Zither,
+and his Songs.  He went, in his boat, this time accompanied
+by a faithful squire, down the stream.  The moon shed
+her silvery light over the whole country; the steep
+bank mountains appeared in the most fantastical shapes,
+and the high oaks on either side bowed their Branches
+on Hermann's passing.  As soon as he approached the Lei,
+and was aware of the surf-waves, his attendant was seized
+with an inexpressible Anxiety and he begged permission
+to land; but the Knight swept the strings of his Guitar
+and sang:
+
+"Once I saw thee in dark night, In supernatural Beauty bright;
+Of Light-rays, was the Figure wove, To share its light,
+locked-hair strove.
+
+"Thy Garment color wave-dove By thy hand the sign of love,
+Thy eyes sweet enchantment, Raying to me, oh! enchantment.
+
+"O, wert thou but my sweetheart, How willingly thy love
+to part! With delight I should be bound To thy rocky
+house in deep ground."
+
+That Hermann should have gone to that place at all,
+was not wise; that he should have gone with such a song
+as that in his mouth was a most serious mistake.  The Lorelei
+did not "call his name in unutterable sweet Whispers"
+this time.  No, that song naturally worked an instant
+and thorough "changement" in her; and not only that,
+but it stirred the bowels of the whole afflicted region
+around about there--for--
+
+"Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere there
+began tumult and sound, as if voices above and below
+the water.  On the Lei rose flames, the Fairy stood above,
+at that time, and beckoned with her right hand clearly
+and urgently to the infatuated Knight, while with a staff
+in her left hand she called the waves to her service.
+They began to mount heavenward; the boat was upset,
+mocking every exertion; the waves rose to the gunwale,
+and splitting on the hard stones, the Boat broke into Pieces.
+The youth sank into the depths, but the squire was thrown on
+shore by a powerful wave."
+
+The bitterest things have been said about the Lorelei
+during many centuries, but surely her conduct upon this
+occasion entitles her to our respect.  One feels drawn
+tenderly toward her and is moved to forget her many crimes
+and remember only the good deed that crowned and closed
+her career.
+
+"The Fairy was never more seen; but her enchanting tones have
+often been heard.  In the beautiful, refreshing, still nights
+of spring, when the moon pours her silver light over the Country,
+the listening shipper hears from the rushing of the waves,
+the echoing Clang of a wonderfully charming voice,
+which sings a song from the crystal castle, and with sorrow
+and fear he thinks on the young Count Hermann, seduced by the
+Nymph."
+
+Here is the music, and the German words by Heinrich Heine.
+This song has been a favorite in Germany for forty years,
+and will remain a favorite always, maybe.  [Figure 5]
+
+I have a prejudice against people who print things
+in a foreign language and add no translation.
+When I am the reader, and the author considers me
+able to do the translating myself, he pays me quite
+a nice compliment--but if he would do the translating
+for me I would try to get along without the compliment.
+
+If I were at home, no doubt I could get a translation of
+this poem, but I am abroad and can't; therefore I will make
+a translation myself.  It may not be a good one, for poetry
+is out of my line, but it will serve my purpose--which is,
+to give the unGerman young girl a jingle of words to hang
+the tune on until she can get hold of a good version,
+made by some one who is a poet and knows how to convey
+a poetical thought from one language to another.
+
+THE LORELEI
+
+I cannot divine what it meaneth,
+This haunting nameless pain:
+A tale of the bygone ages
+Keeps brooding through my brain:
+
+The faint air cools in the glooming,
+And peaceful flows the Rhine,
+The thirsty summits are drinking
+The sunset's flooding wine;
+
+The loveliest maiden is sitting
+High-throned in yon blue air,
+Her golden jewels are shining,
+She combs her golden hair;
+
+She combs with a comb that is golden,
+And sings a weird refrain
+That steeps in a deadly enchantment
+The list'ner's ravished brain:
+
+The doomed in his drifting shallop,
+Is tranced with the sad sweet tone,
+He sees not the yawning breakers,
+He sees but the maid alone:
+
+The pitiless billows engulf him!--
+So perish sailor and bark;
+And this, with her baleful singing,
+Is the Lorelei's gruesome work.
+
+I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of Arts,
+in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, but it would not answer
+the purpose I mentioned above, because the measure is too
+nobly irregular; it don't fit the tune snugly enough;
+in places it hangs over at the ends too far, and in other
+places one runs out of words before he gets to the end
+of a bar.  Still, Garnham's translation has high merits,
+and I am not dreaming of leaving it out of my book.
+I believe this poet is wholly unknown in America and England;
+I take peculiar pleasure in bringing him forward because I
+consider that I discovered him:
+
+THE LORELEI
+
+Translated by L. W. Garnham, B.A.
+
+I do not know what it signifies.
+That I am so sorrowful?
+A fable of old Times so terrifies,
+Leaves my heart so thoughtful.
+
+The air is cool and it darkens,
+And calmly flows the Rhine;
+The summit of the mountain hearkens
+In evening sunshine line.
+
+The most beautiful Maiden entrances
+Above wonderfully there,
+Her beautiful golden attire glances,
+She combs her golden hair.
+
+With golden comb so lustrous,
+And thereby a song sings,
+It has a tone so wondrous,
+That powerful melody rings.
+
+The shipper in the little ship
+It effects with woe sad might;
+He does not see the rocky slip,
+He only regards dreaded height.
+
+I believe the turbulent waves
+Swallow the last shipper and boat;
+She with her singing craves
+All to visit her magic moat.
+
+No translation could be closer.  He has got in all
+the facts; and in their regular order, too.  There is not
+a statistic wanting.  It is as succinct as an invoice.
+That is what a translation ought to be; it should exactly
+reflect the thought of the original.  You can't SING "Above
+wonderfully there," because it simply won't go to the tune,
+without damaging the singer; but it is a most clingingly exact
+translation of DORT OBEN WUNDERBAR--fits it like a blister.
+Mr. Garnham's reproduction has other merits--a hundred
+of them--but it is not necessary to point them out.
+They will be detected.
+
+No one with a specialty can hope to have a monopoly of it.
+Even Garnham has a rival.  Mr. X had a small pamphlet
+with him which he had bought while on a visit to Munich.
+It was entitled A CATALOGUE OF PICTURES IN THE OLD PINACOTEK,
+and was written in a peculiar kind of English.  Here are
+a few extracts:
+
+"It is not permitted to make use of the work
+in question to a publication of the same contents
+as well as to the pirated edition of it."
+
+"An evening landscape.  In the foreground near a pond
+and a group of white beeches is leading a footpath
+animated by travelers."
+
+"A learned man in a cynical and torn dress holding an open
+book in his hand."
+
+"St. Bartholomew and the Executioner with the knife
+to fulfil the martyr."
+
+"Portrait of a young man.  A long while this picture
+was thought to be Bindi Altoviti's portrait; now somebody
+will again have it to be the self-portrait of Raphael."
+
+"Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man.
+In the background the lapidation of the condemned."
+
+("Lapidation" is good; it is much more elegant than
+"stoning.")
+
+"St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel who looks
+at his plague-sore, whilst the dog the bread in his mouth
+attents him."
+
+"Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting.  Behind her a fertile
+valley perfused by a river."
+
+"A beautiful bouquet animated by May-bugs, etc."
+
+"A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his hand leans
+against a table and blows the smoke far away of himself."
+
+"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river which perfuses
+it till to the background."
+
+"Some peasants singing in a cottage.  A woman lets drink
+a child out of a cup."
+
+"St. John's head as a boy--painted in fresco on a brick."
+(Meaning a tile.)
+
+"A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut off
+right at the end, dressed in black with the same cap.
+Attributed to Raphael, but the signation is false."
+
+"The Virgin holding the Infant.  It is very painted
+in the manner of Sassoferrato."
+
+"A Larder with greens and dead game animated by a cook-maid
+and two kitchen-boys."
+
+However, the English of this catalogue is at least
+as happy as that which distinguishes an inscription
+upon a certain picture in Rome--to wit:
+
+"Revelations-View. St. John in Patterson's Island."
+
+But meanwhile the raft is moving on.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+[Why Germans Wear Spectacles]
+
+A mile or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar ruin projecting
+above the foliage which clothed the peak of a high and
+very steep hill.  This ruin consisted of merely a couple
+of crumbling masses of masonry which bore a rude resemblance
+to human faces; they leaned forward and touched foreheads,
+and had the look of being absorbed in conversation.  This ruin
+had nothing very imposing or picturesque about it, and there
+was no great deal of it, yet it was called the "Spectacular
+Ruin."
+
+LEGEND OF THE "SPECTACULAR RUIN"
+
+The captain of the raft, who was as full of history as he
+could stick, said that in the Middle Ages a most prodigious
+fire-breathing dragon used to live in that region,
+and made more trouble than a tax-collector. He was as long
+as a railway-train, and had the customary impenetrable
+green scales all over him.  His breath bred pestilence
+and conflagration, and his appetite bred famine.  He ate
+men and cattle impartially, and was exceedingly unpopular.
+The German emperor of that day made the usual offer:
+he would grant to the destroyer of the dragon, any one
+solitary thing he might ask for; for he had a surplusage
+of daughters, and it was customary for dragon-killers
+to take a daughter for pay.
+
+So the most renowned knights came from the four corners
+of the earth and retired down the dragon's throat one after
+the other.  A panic arose and spread.  Heroes grew cautious.
+The procession ceased.  The dragon became more destructive
+than ever.  The people lost all hope of succor, and fled
+to the mountains for refuge.
+
+At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure knight,
+out of a far country, arrived to do battle with the monster.
+A pitiable object he was, with his armor hanging in rags
+about him, and his strange-shaped knapsack strapped
+upon his back.  Everybody turned up their noses at him,
+and some openly jeered him.  But he was calm.  He simply
+inquired if the emperor's offer was still in force.
+The emperor said it was--but charitably advised him to go
+and hunt hares and not endanger so precious a life as his
+in an attempt which had brought death to so many of the
+world's most illustrious heroes.
+
+But this tramp only asked--"Were any of these heroes
+men of science?" This raised a laugh, of course,
+for science was despised in those days.  But the tramp
+was not in the least ruffled.  He said he might be a
+little in advance of his age, but no matter--science
+would come to be honored, some time or other.  He said
+he would march against the dragon in the morning.
+Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him,
+but he declined, and said, "spears were useless to men
+of science." They allowed him to sup in the servants'
+hall, and gave him a bed in the stables.
+
+When he started forth in the morning, thousands were
+gathered to see.  The emperor said:
+
+"Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your knapsack."
+
+But the tramp said:
+
+"It is not a knapsack," and moved straight on.
+
+The dragon was waiting and ready.  He was breathing forth
+vast volumes of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts of flame.
+The ragged knight stole warily to a good position,
+then he unslung his cylindrical knapsack--which was simply
+the common fire-extinguisher known to modern times
+--and the first chance he got he turned on his hose and shot
+the dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth.
+Out went the fires in an instant, and the dragon curled up
+and died.
+
+This man had brought brains to his aid.  He had reared
+dragons from the egg, in his laboratory, he had watched
+over them like a mother, and patiently studied them
+and experimented upon them while they grew.  Thus he had
+found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon;
+put out the dragon's fires and it could make steam
+no longer, and must die.  He could not put out a fire
+with a spear, therefore he invented the extinguisher.
+The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck
+and said:
+
+"Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning
+out behind with his heel for a detachment of his daughters
+to form and advance.  But the tramp gave them no observance.
+He simply said:
+
+"My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly
+of the manufacture and sale of spectacles in Germany."
+
+The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed:
+
+"This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A
+modest demand, by my halidome! Why didn't you ask
+for the imperial revenues at once, and be done with it?"
+
+But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it.
+To everybody's surprise, the unselfish monopolist immediately
+reduced the price of spectacles to such a degree that a
+great and crushing burden was removed from the nation.
+The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to
+testify his appreciation of it, issued a decree commanding
+everybody to buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them,
+whether they needed them or not.
+
+So originated the wide-spread custom of wearing
+spectacles in Germany; and as a custom once established
+in these old lands is imperishable, this one remains
+universal in the empire to this day.  Such is the legend
+of the monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle,
+now called the "Spectacular Ruin."
+
+On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectacular
+Ruin, we passed by a noble pile of castellated buildings
+overlooking the water from the crest of a lofty elevation.
+A stretch of two hundred yards of the high front wall
+was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass of
+buildings within rose three picturesque old towers.
+The place was in fine order, and was inhabited by a
+family of princely rank.  This castle had its legend,
+too, but I should not feel justified in repeating
+it because I doubted the truth of some of its minor details.
+
+Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers
+were blasting away the frontage of the hills to make
+room for the new railway.  They were fifty or a hundred
+feet above the river.  As we turned a sharp corner they
+began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look
+out for the explosions.  It was all very well to warn us,
+but what could WE do? You can't back a raft upstream,
+you can't hurry it downstream, you can't scatter out
+to one side when you haven't any room to speak of,
+you won't take to the perpendicular cliffs on the other
+shore when they appear to be blasting there, too.
+Your resources are limited, you see.  There is simply
+nothing for it but to watch and pray.
+
+For some hours we had been making three and a half or four
+miles an hour and we were still making that.  We had been
+dancing right along until those men began to shout;
+then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me that I had
+never seen a raft go so slowly.  When the first blast went
+off we raised our sun-umbrellas and waited for the result.
+No harm done; none of the stones fell in the water.
+Another blast followed, and another and another.
+Some of the rubbish fell in the water just astern
+of us.
+
+We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it
+was certainly one of the most exciting and uncomfortable
+weeks I ever spent, either aship or ashore.  Of course
+we frequently manned the poles and shoved earnestly
+for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts
+of dust and debris shot aloft every man dropped his pole
+and looked up to get the bearings of his share of it.
+It was very busy times along there for a while.
+It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was
+not the bitterest thought; no, the abjectly unheroic nature
+of the death--that was the sting--that and the bizarre
+wording of the resulting obituary: "SHOT WITH A ROCK,
+ON A RAFT." There would be no poetry written about it.
+None COULD be written about it.  Example:
+
+NOT by war's shock, or war's shaft,--SHOT, with a rock,
+on a raft.
+
+No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a
+theme as that.  I should be distinguished as the only
+"distinguished dead" who went down to the grave unsonneted,
+in 1878.
+
+But we escaped, and I have never regretted it.
+The last blast was peculiarly strong one, and after
+the small rubbish was done raining around us and we
+were just going to shake hands over our deliverance,
+a later and larger stone came down amongst our little
+group of pedestrians and wrecked an umbrella.  It did
+no other harm, but we took to the water just the same.
+
+It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the
+new railway gradings is done mainly by Italians.
+That was a revelation.  We have the notion in our country
+that Italians never do heavy work at all, but confine
+themselves to the lighter arts, like organ-grinding,
+operatic singing, and assassination.  We have blundered,
+that is plain.
+
+All along the river, near every village, we saw little
+station-houses for the future railway.  They were
+finished and waiting for the rails and business.
+They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be.
+They were always of brick or stone; they were of graceful
+shape, they had vines and flowers about them already,
+and around them the grass was bright and green,
+and showed that it was carefully looked after.  They were
+a decoration to the beautiful landscape, not an offense.
+Wherever one saw a pile of gravel or a pile of broken stone,
+it was always heaped as trimly and exactly as a new grave
+or a stack of cannon-balls; nothing about those stations
+or along the railroad or the wagon-road was allowed
+to look shabby or be unornamental.  The keeping a country
+in such beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise
+practical side to it, too, for it keeps thousands of people
+in work and bread who would otherwise be idle and mischievous.
+
+As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up,
+but I thought maybe we might make Hirschhorn, so we went on.
+Presently the sky became overcast, and the captain came
+aft looking uneasy.  He cast his eye aloft, then shook
+his head, and said it was coming on to blow.  My party
+wanted to land at once--therefore I wanted to go on.
+The captain said we ought to shorten sail anyway,
+out of common prudence.  Consequently, the larboard watch
+was ordered to lay in his pole.  It grew quite dark,
+now, and the wind began to rise.  It wailed through
+the swaying branches of the trees, and swept our decks
+in fitful gusts.  Things were taking on an ugly look.
+The captain shouted to the steersman on the forward
+log:
+
+"How's she landing?"
+
+The answer came faint and hoarse from far forward:
+
+"Nor'-east-and-by-nor'--east-by-east, half-east, sir."
+
+"Let her go off a point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"What water have you got?"
+
+"Shoal, sir.  Two foot large, on the stabboard,
+two and a half scant on the labboard!"
+
+"Let her go off another point!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd
+her round the weather corner!"
+
+"Aye-aye, sir!"
+
+Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting,
+but the forms of the men were lost in the darkness and
+the sounds were distorted and confused by the roaring
+of the wind through the shingle-bundles. By this time
+the sea was running inches high, and threatening every
+moment to engulf the frail bark.  Now came the mate,
+hurrying aft, and said, close to the captain's ear,
+in a low, agitated voice:
+
+"Prepare for the worst, sir--we have sprung a leak!"
+
+"Heavens! where?"
+
+"Right aft the second row of logs."
+
+"Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let the men know,
+or there will be a panic and mutiny! Lay her in shore
+and stand by to jump with the stern-line the moment
+she touches.  Gentlemen, I must look to you to second
+my endeavors in this hour of peril.  You have hats--go
+forward and bail for your lives!"
+
+Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in
+spray and thick darkness.  At such a moment as this,
+came from away forward that most appalling of all cries
+that are ever heard at sea:
+
+"MAN OVERBOARD!"
+
+The captain shouted:
+
+"Hard a-port! Never mind the man! Let him climb aboard
+or wade ashore!"
+
+Another cry came down the wind:
+
+"Breakers ahead!"
+
+"Where away?"
+
+"Not a log's length off her port fore-foot!"
+
+We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now
+bailing with the frenzy of despair, when we heard
+the mate's terrified cry, from far aft:
+
+"Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be aground!"
+
+But this was immediately followed by the glad shout:
+
+"Land aboard the starboard transom!"
+
+"Saved!" cried the captain.  "Jump ashore and take a turn
+around a tree and pass the bight aboard!"
+
+The next moment we were all on shore weeping and embracing
+for joy, while the rain poured down in torrents.
+The captain said he had been a mariner for forty years
+on the Neckar, and in that time had seen storms to make
+a man's cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but he had never,
+never seen a storm that even approached this one.
+How familiar that sounded! For I have been at sea a good
+deal and have heard that remark from captains with a
+frequency accordingly.
+
+We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks
+and admiration and gratitude, and took the first
+opportunity to vote it, and put it in writing and
+present it to the captain, with the customary speech.
+We tramped through the darkness and the drenching summer
+rain full three miles, and reached "The Naturalist Tavern"
+in the village of Hirschhorn just an hour before midnight,
+almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue, and terror.
+I can never forget that night.
+
+The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be
+crusty and disobliging; he did not at all like being
+turned out of his warm bed to open his house for us.
+But no matter, his household got up and cooked a quick
+supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves,
+to keep off consumption.  After supper and punch we
+had an hour's soothing smoke while we fought the naval
+battle over again and voted the resolutions; then we
+retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers upstairs
+that had clean, comfortable beds in them with heirloom
+pillowcases most elaborately and tastefully embroidered
+by hand.
+
+Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent
+in German village inns as they are rare in ours.
+Our villages are superior to German villages in
+more merits, excellences, conveniences, and privileges
+than I can enumerate, but the hotels do not belong in the list.
+
+"The Naturalist Tavern" was not a meaningless name; for all
+the halls and all the rooms were lined with large glass
+cases which were filled with all sorts of birds and animals,
+glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and set up in the most natural
+eloquent and dramatic attitudes.  The moment we were abed,
+the rain cleared away and the moon came out.  I dozed off
+to sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl
+which was looking intently down on me from a high perch
+with the air of a person who thought he had met me before,
+but could not make out for certain.
+
+But young Z did not get off so easily.  He said that as he was
+sinking deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted away the shadows
+and developed a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed,
+but crouching, with every muscle tense, for a spring,
+and with its glittering glass eyes aimed straight at him.
+It made Z uncomfortable.  He tried closing his own eyes,
+but that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept
+making him open them again to see if the cat was still
+getting ready to launch at him--which she always was.
+He tried turning his back, but that was a failure;
+he knew the sinister eyes were on him still.  So at
+last he had to get up, after an hour or two of worry
+and experiment, and set the cat out in the hall.  So he won,
+that time.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+[The Kindly Courtesy of Germans]
+
+In the morning we took breakfast in the garden,
+under the trees, in the delightful German summer fashion.
+The air was filled with the fragrance of flowers
+and wild animals; the living portion of the menagerie
+of the "Naturalist Tavern" was all about us.  There were
+great cages populous with fluttering and chattering
+foreign birds, and other great cages and greater wire pens,
+populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign.
+There were some free creatures, too, and quite sociable
+ones they were.  White rabbits went loping about the place,
+and occasionally came and sniffed at our shoes and shins;
+a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck, walked up and
+examined us fearlessly; rare breeds of chickens and
+doves begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless raven
+hopped about with a humble, shamefaced mein which said,
+"Please do not notice my exposure--think how you would
+feel in my circumstances, and be charitable." If he
+was observed too much, he would retire behind something
+and stay there until he judged the party's interest had
+found another object.  I never have seen another dumb
+creature that was so morbidly sensitive.  Bayard Taylor,
+who could interpret the dim reasonings of animals,
+and understood their moral natures better than most men,
+would have found some way to make this poor old chap forget
+his troubles for a while, but we have not his kindly art,
+and so had to leave the raven to his griefs.
+
+After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient
+castle of Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it.
+There were some curious old bas-reliefs leaning against
+the inner walls of the church--sculptured lords of
+Hirschhorn in complete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn
+in the picturesque court costumes of the Middle Ages.
+These things are suffering damage and passing to decay,
+for the last Hirschhorn has been dead two hundred years,
+and there is nobody now who cares to preserve the family relics.
+In the chancel was a twisted stone column, and the captain
+told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter
+of legends he could not seem to restrain himself; but I
+do not repeat his tale because there was nothing plausible
+about it except that the Hero wrenched this column into its
+present screw-shape with his hands --just one single wrench.
+All the rest of the legend was doubtful.
+
+But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river.
+Then the clustered brown towers perched on the green hilltop,
+and the old battlemented stone wall, stretching up and over
+the grassy ridge and disappearing in the leafy sea beyond,
+make a picture whose grace and beauty entirely satisfy
+the eye.
+
+We descended from the church by steep stone stairways
+which curved this way and that down narrow alleys
+between the packed and dirty tenements of the village.
+It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering,
+unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps
+and begged piteously.  The people of the quarter were not
+all idiots, of course, but all that begged seemed to be,
+and were said to be.
+
+I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town,
+Necharsteinach; so I ran to the riverside in advance of
+the party and asked a man there if he had a boat to hire.
+I suppose I must have spoken High German--Court German--I
+intended it for that, anyway--so he did not understand me.
+I turned and twisted my question around and about,
+trying to strike that man's average, but failed.
+He could not make out what I wanted.  Now Mr. X arrived,
+faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied
+this sentence on him, in the most glib and confident way:
+"Can man boat get here?"
+
+The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered.
+I can comprehend why he was able to understand that
+particular sentence, because by mere accident all the
+words in it except "get" have the same sound and the same
+meaning in German that they have in English; but how he
+managed to understand Mr. X's next remark puzzled me.
+I will insert it, presently.  X turned away a moment,
+and I asked the mariner if he could not find a board,
+and so construct an additional seat.  I spoke in the
+purest German, but I might as well have spoken in the
+purest Choctaw for all the good it did.  The man tried
+his best to understand me; he tried, and kept on trying,
+harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use,
+and said:
+
+"There, don't strain yourself--it is of no consequence."
+
+Then X turned to him and crisply said:
+
+"MACHEN SIE a flat board."
+
+I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if the man
+did not answer up at once, and say he would go and borrow
+a board as soon as he had lit the pipe which he was filling.
+
+We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we did not have
+to go.  I have given Mr. X's two remarks just as he made them.
+Four of the five words in the first one were English,
+and that they were also German was only accidental,
+not intentional; three out of the five words in the second
+remark were English, and English only, and the two German
+ones did not mean anything in particular, in such a connection.
+
+X always spoke English to Germans, but his plan was
+to turn the sentence wrong end first and upside down,
+according to German construction, and sprinkle in a German
+word without any essential meaning to it, here and there,
+by way of flavor.  Yet he always made himself understood.
+He could make those dialect-speaking raftsmen understand
+him, sometimes, when even young Z had failed with them;
+and young Z was a pretty good German scholar.  For one thing,
+X always spoke with such confidence--perhaps that helped.
+And possibly the raftsmen's dialect was what is called
+PLATT-DEUTSCH, and so they found his English more familiar
+to their ears than another man's German.  Quite indifferent
+students of German can read Fritz Reuter's charming
+platt-Deutch tales with some little facility because many
+of the words are English.  I suppose this is the tongue
+which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them.
+By and by I will inquire of some other philologist.
+
+However, in the mean time it had transpired that the men
+employed to calk the raft had found that the leak was not
+a leak at all, but only a crack between the logs--a crack
+that belonged there, and was not dangerous, but had been
+magnified into a leak by the disordered imagination of
+the mate.  Therefore we went aboard again with a good degree
+of confidence, and presently got to sea without accident.
+As we swam smoothly along between the enchanting shores,
+we fell to swapping notes about manners and customs
+in Germany and elsewhere.
+
+As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us,
+by observing and noting and inquiring, diligently and day
+by day, had managed to lay in a most varied and opulent
+stock of misinformation.  But this is not surprising;
+it is very difficult to get accurate details in any country.
+For example, I had the idea once, in Heidelberg,
+to find out all about those five student-corps. I started
+with the White Cap corps.  I began to inquire of this
+and that and the other citizen, and here is what I found
+out:
+
+1.  It is called the Prussian Corps, because none
+but Prussians are admitted to it.
+
+2.  It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular reason.
+It has simply pleased each corps to name itself after
+some German state.
+
+3.  It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but only
+the White Cap Corps.
+
+4.  Any student can belong to it who is a German by birth.
+
+5.  Any student can belong to it who is European by birth.
+
+6.  Any European-born student can belong to it, except he
+be a Frenchman.
+
+7.  Any student can belong to it, no matter where he
+was born.
+
+8.  No student can belong to it who is not of noble blood.
+
+9.  No student can belong to it who cannot show three full
+generations of noble descent.
+
+10.  Nobility is not a necessary qualification.
+
+11.  No moneyless student can belong to it.
+
+12.  Money qualification is nonsense--such a thing has
+never been thought of.
+
+I got some of this information from students themselves
+--students who did not belong to the corps.
+
+I finally went to headquarters--to the White Caps--where I
+would have gone in the first place if I had been acquainted.
+But even at headquarters I found difficulties; I perceived
+that there were things about the White Cap Corps which
+one member knew and another one didn't. It was natural;
+for very few members of any organization know ALL that can
+be known about it.  I doubt there is a man or a woman
+in Heidelberg who would not answer promptly and confidently
+three out of every five questions about the White Cap Corps
+which a stranger might ask; yet it is a very safe bet
+that two of the three answers would be incorrect every time.
+
+There is one German custom which is universal--the bowing
+courteously to strangers when sitting down at table or
+rising up from it.  This bow startles a stranger out of his
+self-possession, the first time it occurs, and he is likely
+to fall over a chair or something, in his embarrassment,
+but it pleases him, nevertheless.  One soon learns to expect
+this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it;
+but to learn to lead off and make the initial bow
+one's self is a difficult matter for a diffident man.
+One thinks, "If I rise to go, and tender my box,
+and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads
+to ignore the custom of their nation, and not return it,
+how shall I feel, in case I survive to feel anything."
+Therefore he is afraid to venture.  He sits out the dinner,
+and makes the strangers rise first and originate the bowing.
+A table d'ho^te dinner is a tedious affair for a man
+who seldom touches anything after the three first courses;
+therefore I used to do some pretty dreary waiting
+because of my fears.  It took me months to assure myself
+that those fears were groundless, but I did assure myself
+at last by experimenting diligently through my agent.
+I made Harris get up and bow and leave; invariably his bow
+was returned, then I got up and bowed myself and retired.
+
+Thus my education proceeded easily and comfortably for me,
+but not for Harris.  Three courses of a table d'ho^te
+dinner were enough for me, but Harris preferred thirteen.
+
+Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no longer needed
+the agent's help, I sometimes encountered difficulties.
+Once at Baden-Baden I nearly lost a train because I could
+not be sure that three young ladies opposite me at table
+were Germans, since I had not heard them speak; they might
+be American, they might be English, it was not safe to venture
+a bow; but just as I had got that far with my thought,
+one of them began a German remark, to my great relief
+and gratitude; and before she got out her third word,
+our bows had been delivered and graciously returned,
+and we were off.
+
+There is a friendly something about the German character
+which is very winning.  When Harris and I were making
+a pedestrian tour through the Black Forest, we stopped at
+a little country inn for dinner one day; two young ladies
+and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us.
+They were pedestrians, too.  Our knapsacks were strapped
+upon our backs, but they had a sturdy youth along to carry
+theirs for them.  All parties were hungry, so there was
+no talking.  By and by the usual bows were exchanged,
+and we separated.
+
+As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen,
+next morning, these young people and took places
+near us without observing us; but presently they saw
+us and at once bowed and smiled; not ceremoniously,
+but with the gratified look of people who have found
+acquaintances where they were expecting strangers.
+Then they spoke of the weather and the roads.  We also
+spoke of the weather and the roads.  Next, they said they
+had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the weather.
+We said that that had been our case, too.  Then they said
+they had walked thirty English miles the day before,
+and asked how many we had walked.  I could not lie, so I
+told Harris to do it.  Harris told them we had made thirty
+English miles, too.  That was true; we had "made" them,
+though we had had a little assistance here and there.
+
+After breakfast they found us trying to blast some
+information out of the dumb hotel clerk about routes,
+and observing that we were not succeeding pretty well,
+they went and got their maps and things, and pointed
+out and explained our course so clearly that even a New
+York detective could have followed it.  And when we
+started they spoke out a hearty good-by and wished us
+a pleasant journey.  Perhaps they were more generous
+with us than they might have been with native wayfarers
+because we were a forlorn lot and in a strange land;
+I don't know; I only know it was lovely to be treated so.
+
+Very well, I took an American young lady to one of the fine
+balls in Baden-Baden, one night, and at the entrance-door
+upstairs we were halted by an official--something about Miss
+Jones's dress was not according to rule; I don't remember
+what it was, now; something was wanting--her back hair,
+or a shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something.
+The official was ever so polite, and every so sorry,
+but the rule was strict, and he could not let us in.
+It was very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us.
+But now a richly dressed girl stepped out of the ballroom,
+inquired into the trouble, and said she could fix it in
+a moment.  She took Miss Jones to the robing-room, and soon
+brought her back in regulation trim, and then we entered
+the ballroom with this benefactress unchallenged.
+
+Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere
+but ungrammatical thanks, when there was a sudden mutual
+recognition --the benefactress and I had met at Allerheiligen.
+Two weeks had not altered her good face, and plainly
+her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such
+a difference between these clothes and the clothes I
+had seen her in before, when she was walking thirty miles
+a day in the Black Forest, that it was quite natural
+that I had failed to recognize her sooner.  I had on MY
+other suit, too, but my German would betray me to a person
+who had heard it once, anyway.  She brought her brother
+and sister, and they made our way smooth for that evening.
+
+Well--months afterward, I was driving through the streets
+of Munich in a cab with a German lady, one day, when she
+said:
+
+"There, that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walking along there."
+
+Everybody was bowing to them--cabmen, little children,
+and everybody else--and they were returning all the bows
+and overlooking nobody, when a young lady met them and made
+a deep courtesy.
+
+"That is probably one of the ladies of the court,"
+said my German friend.
+
+I said:
+
+"She is an honor to it, then.  I know her.  I don't know
+her name, but I know HER.  I have known her at Allerheiligen
+and Baden-Baden. She ought to be an Empress, but she
+may be only a Duchess; it is the way things go in this way."
+
+If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite
+sure to get a civil answer.  If you stop a German in the
+street and ask him to direct you to a certain place,
+he shows no sign of feeling offended.  If the place be
+difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own
+matters and go with you and show you.
+
+In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several
+blocks with me to show me my way.
+
+There is something very real about this sort of politeness.
+Quite often, in Germany, shopkeepers who could not furnish
+me the article I wanted have sent one of their employees
+with me to show me a place where it could be had.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+[The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg]
+
+However, I wander from the raft.  We made the port
+of Necharsteinach in good season, and went to the hotel
+and ordered a trout dinner, the same to be ready
+against our return from a two-hour pedestrian excursion
+to the village and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant,
+on the other side of the river.  I do not mean that we
+proposed to be two hours making two miles--no, we meant
+to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg.
+
+For Dilsberg is a quaint place.  It is most quaintly
+and picturesquely situated, too.  Imagine the beautiful
+river before you; then a few rods of brilliant green sward
+on its opposite shore; then a sudden hill--no preparatory
+gently rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous hill
+--a hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high,
+as round as a bowl, with the same taper upward that an
+inverted bowl has, and with about the same relation
+of height to diameter that distinguishes a bowl of good
+honest depth--a hill which is thickly clothed with
+green bushes--a comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly
+out of the dead level of the surrounding green plains,
+visible from a great distance down the bends of the river,
+and with just exactly room on the top of its head
+for its steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap
+of architecture, which same is tightly jammed and compacted
+within the perfectly round hoop of the ancient village wall.
+
+There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill,
+or any vestige of a former house; all the houses are
+inside the wall, but there isn't room for another one.
+It is really a finished town, and has been finished
+a very long time.  There is no space between the wall
+and the first circle of buildings; no, the village wall
+is itself the rear wall of the first circle of buildings,
+and the roofs jut a little over the wall and thus
+furnish it with eaves.  The general level of the massed
+roofs is gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating
+towers of the ruined castle and the tall spires of a
+couple of churches; so, from a distance Dilsberg has
+rather more the look of a king's crown than a cap.
+That lofty green eminence and its quaint coronet form
+quite a striking picture, you may be sure, in the flush
+of the evening sun.
+
+We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow,
+steep path which plunged us at once into the leafy deeps
+of the bushes.  But they were not cool deeps by any means,
+for the sun's rays were weltering hot and there was
+little or no breeze to temper them.  As we panted up
+the sharp ascent, we met brown, bareheaded and barefooted
+boys and girls, occasionally, and sometimes men;
+they came upon us without warning, they gave us good day,
+flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone as
+suddenly and mysteriously as they had come.  They were
+bound for the other side of the river to work.  This path
+had been traveled by many generations of these people.
+They have always gone down to the valley to earn their bread,
+but they have always climbed their hill again to eat it,
+and to sleep in their snug town.
+
+It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much;
+they find that living up there above the world, in their
+peaceful nest, is pleasanter than living down in the
+troublous world.  The seven hundred inhabitants are all
+blood-kin to each other, too; they have always been blood-kin
+to each other for fifteen hundred years; they are simply
+one large family, and they like the home folks better than
+they like strangers, hence they persistently stay at home.
+It has been said that for ages Dilsberg has been merely
+a thriving and diligent idiot-factory. I saw no idiots there,
+but the captain said, "Because of late years the government
+has taken to lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres;
+and government wants to cripple the factory, too, and is
+trying to get these Dilsbergers to marry out of the family,
+but they don't like to."
+
+The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science
+denies that the intermarrying of relatives deteriorates
+the stock.
+
+Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village
+sights and life.  We moved along a narrow, crooked lane
+which had been paved in the Middle Ages.  A strapping,
+ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in a little
+bit of a good-box of a barn, and she swung her flail
+with a will--if it was a flail; I was not farmer enough
+to know what she was at; a frowsy, barelegged girl was
+herding half a dozen geese with a stick--driving them
+along the lane and keeping them out of the dwellings;
+a cooper was at work in a shop which I know he did not make
+so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room.
+In the front rooms of dwellings girls and women were
+cooking or spinning, and ducks and chickens were waddling
+in and out, over the threshold, picking up chance crumbs
+and holding pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled man
+sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast
+and his extinguished pipe in his lap; soiled children
+were playing in the dirt everywhere along the lane,
+unmindful of the sun.
+
+Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work,
+but the place was very still and peaceful, nevertheless;
+so still that the distant cackle of the successful hen smote
+upon the ear but little dulled by intervening sounds.
+That commonest of village sights was lacking here--the
+public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of
+limpid water, and its group of gossiping pitcher-bearers;
+for there is no well or fountain or spring on this tall hill;
+cisterns of rain-water are used.
+
+Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention,
+and as we moved through the village we gathered a considerable
+procession of little boys and girls, and so went in some
+state to the castle.  It proved to be an extensive pile of
+crumbling walls, arches, and towers, massive, properly grouped
+for picturesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfactory.
+The children acted as guides; they walked us along the top
+of the highest walls, then took us up into a high tower
+and showed us a wide and beautiful landscape, made up
+of wavy distances of woody hills, and a nearer prospect
+of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one hand,
+and castle-graced crags and ridges on the other,
+with the shining curves of the Neckar flowing between.
+But the principal show, the chief pride of the children,
+was the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown court
+of the castle.  Its massive stone curb stands up three
+or four feet above-ground, and is whole and uninjured.
+The children said that in the Middle Ages this well was
+four hundred feet deep, and furnished all the village
+with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace.
+They said that in the old day its bottom was below the level
+of the Neckar, hence the water-supply was inexhaustible.
+
+But there were some who believed it had never been a well
+at all, and was never deeper than it is now--eighty feet;
+that at that depth a subterranean passage branched from it
+and descended gradually to a remote place in the valley,
+where it opened into somebody's cellar or other hidden recess,
+and that the secret of this locality is now lost.
+Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the
+explanation that Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and many
+a soldier before him, was never taken: after the longest
+and closest sieges the besiegers were astonished to
+perceive that the besieged were as fat and hearty as ever,
+and were well furnished with munitions of war--therefore
+it must be that the Dilsbergers had been bringing these
+things in through the subterranean passage all the time.
+
+The children said that there was in truth a subterranean
+outlet down there, and they would prove it.  So they set
+a great truss of straw on fire and threw it down the well,
+while we leaned on the curb and watched the glowing
+mass descend.  It struck bottom and gradually burned out.
+No smoke came up.  The children clapped their hands and
+said:
+
+"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as burning straw--now
+where did the smoke go to, if there is no subterranean outlet?"
+
+So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean outlet
+indeed existed.  But the finest thing within the ruin's
+limits was a noble linden, which the children said was
+four hundred years old, and no doubt it was.  It had
+a mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage.
+The limbs near the ground were nearly the thickness
+of a barrel.
+
+That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in mail
+--how remote such a time seems, and how ungraspable is the
+fact that real men ever did fight in real armor!--and it
+had seen the time when these broken arches and crumbling
+battlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress,
+fluttering its gay banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous
+humanity--how impossibly long ago that seems!--and here
+it stands yet, and possibly may still be standing here,
+sunning itself and dreaming its historical dreams,
+when today shall have been joined to the days called "ancient."
+
+Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the captain
+delivered himself of his legend:
+
+THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE
+
+It was to this effect.  In the old times there was once
+a great company assembled at the castle, and festivity
+ran high.  Of course there was a haunted chamber
+in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon that.
+It was said that whoever slept in it would not wake again
+for fifty years.  Now when a young knight named Conrad
+von Geisberg heard this, he said that if the castle were
+his he would destroy that chamber, so that no foolish
+person might have the chance to bring so dreadful
+a misfortune upon himself and afflict such as loved
+him with the memory of it.  Straightway, the company
+privately laid their heads together to contrive some
+way to get this superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber.
+
+
+And they succeeded--in this way.  They persuaded
+his betrothed, a lovely mischievous young creature,
+niece of the lord of the castle, to help them in their plot.
+She presently took him aside and had speech with him.
+She used all her persuasions, but could not shake him;
+he said his belief was firm, that if he should sleep
+there he would wake no more for fifty years, and it made
+him shudder to think of it.  Catharina began to weep.
+This was a better argument; Conrad could not out against it.
+He yielded and said she should have her wish if she would only
+smile and be happy again.  She flung her arms about his neck,
+and the kisses she gave him showed that her thankfulness
+and her pleasure were very real.  Then she flew to tell
+the company her success, and the applause she received
+made her glad and proud she had undertaken her mission,
+since all alone she had accomplished what the multitude had
+failed in.
+
+At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting,
+Conrad was taken to the haunted chamber and left there.
+He fell asleep, by and by.
+
+When he awoke again and looked about him, his heart
+stood still with horror! The whole aspect of the chamber
+was changed.  The walls were moldy and hung with
+ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were rotten;
+the furniture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces.
+He sprang out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk under
+him and he fell to the floor.
+
+"This is the weakness of age," he said.
+
+He rose and sought his clothing.  It was clothing no longer.
+The colors were gone, the garments gave way in many places
+while he was putting them on.  He fled, shuddering,
+into the corridor, and along it to the great hall.  Here he
+was met by a middle-aged stranger of a kind countenance,
+who stopped and gazed at him with surprise.  Conrad said:
+
+"Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrich?"
+
+The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said:
+
+"The lord Ulrich?"
+
+"Yes--if you will be so good."
+
+The stranger called--"Wilhelm!" A young serving-man came,
+and the stranger said to him:
+
+"Is there a lord Ulrich among the guests?"
+
+"I know none of the name, so please your honor."
+
+Conrad said, hesitatingly:
+
+"I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the castle, sir."
+
+The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering glances.
+Then the former said:
+
+"I am the lord of the castle."
+
+"Since when, sir?"
+
+"Since the death of my father, the good lord Ulrich
+more than forty years ago."
+
+Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his
+hands while he rocked his body to and fro and moaned.
+The stranger said in a low voice to the servant:
+
+"I fear me this poor old creature is mad.  Call some one."
+
+In a moment several people came, and grouped themselves about,
+talking in whispers.  Conrad looked up and scanned
+the faces about him wistfully.
+
+Then he shook his head and said, in a grieved voice:
+
+"No, there is none among ye that I know.  I am old and alone
+in the world.  They are dead and gone these many years
+that cared for me.  But sure, some of these aged ones I see
+about me can tell me some little word or two concerning them."
+
+Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer
+and answered his questions about each former friend
+as he mentioned the names.  This one they said had been
+dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty.
+Each succeeding blow struck heavier and heavier.
+At last the sufferer said:
+
+"There is one more, but I have not the courage to--O
+my lost Catharina!"
+
+One of the old dames said:
+
+"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul.  A misfortune overtook
+her lover, and she died of sorrow nearly fifty years ago.
+She lieth under the linden tree without the court."
+
+Conrad bowed his head and said:
+
+"Ah, why did I ever wake! And so she died of grief for me,
+poor child.  So young, so sweet, so good! She never wittingly
+did a hurtful thing in all the little summer of her life.
+Her loving debt shall be repaid--for I will die of grief
+for her."
+
+His head drooped upon his breast.  In the moment there
+was a wild burst of joyous laughter, a pair of round
+young arms were flung about Conrad's neck and a sweet
+voice cried:
+
+"There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill me--the farce
+shall go no further! Look up, and laugh with us--'twas
+all a jest!"
+
+And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed wonderment
+--for the disguises were stripped away, and the aged
+men and women were bright and young and gay again.
+Catharina's happy tongue ran on:
+
+"'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out.
+They gave you a heavy sleeping-draught before you went
+to bed, and in the night they bore you to a ruined chamber
+where all had fallen to decay, and placed these rags
+of clothing by you.  And when your sleep was spent and you
+came forth, two strangers, well instructed in their parts,
+were here to meet you; and all we, your friends,
+in our disguises, were close at hand, to see and hear,
+you may be sure.  Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now,
+and make thee ready for the pleasures of the day.
+How real was thy misery for the moment, thou poor lad!
+Look up and have thy laugh, now!"
+
+He looked up, searched the merry faces about him
+in a dreamy way, then sighed and said:
+
+"I am aweary, good strangers, I pray you lead me to her grave."
+
+All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched,
+Catharina sunk to the ground in a swoon.
+
+All day the people went about the castle with troubled faces,
+and communed together in undertones.  A painful hush
+pervaded the place which had lately been so full of
+cheery life.  Each in his turn tried to arouse Conrad
+out of his hallucination and bring him to himself;
+but all the answer any got was a meek, bewildered stare,
+and then the words:
+
+"Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest these
+many years; ye speak me fair, ye mean me well, but I know
+ye not; I am alone and forlorn in the world--prithee
+lead me to her grave."
+
+During two years Conrad spent his days, from the
+early morning till the night, under the linden tree,
+mourning over the imaginary grave of his Catharina.
+Catharina was the only company of the harmless madman.
+He was very friendly toward her because, as he said,
+in some ways she reminded him of his Catharina whom he had
+lost "fifty years ago." He often said:
+
+"She was so gay, so happy-hearted--but you never smile;
+and always when you think I am not looking, you cry."
+
+When Conrad died, they buried him under the linden,
+according to his directions, so that he might rest
+"near his poor Catharina." Then Catharina sat under
+the linden alone, every day and all day long, a great
+many years, speaking to no one, and never smiling;
+and at last her long repentance was rewarded with death,
+and she was buried by Conrad's side.
+
+Harris pleased the captain by saying it was good legend;
+and pleased him further by adding:
+
+"Now that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous with
+its four hundred years, I feel a desire to believe
+the legend for ITS sake; so I will humor the desire,
+and consider that the tree really watches over those poor
+hearts and feels a sort of human tenderness for them."
+
+We returned to Necharsteinach, plunged our hot heads
+into the trough at the town pump, and then went to the
+hotel and ate our trout dinner in leisurely comfort,
+in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing at our feet,
+the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and the graceful
+towers and battlements of a couple of medieval castles
+(called the "Swallow's Nest" [1] and "The Brothers.")
+assisting the rugged scenery of a bend of the river
+down to our right.  We got to sea in season to make the
+eight-mile run to Heidelberg before the night shut down.
+We sailed by the hotel in the mellow glow of sunset,
+and came slashing down with the mad current into the narrow
+passage between the dikes.  I believed I could shoot the
+bridge myself, and I went to the forward triplet of logs
+and relieved the pilot of his pole and his responsibility.
+
+1.  The seeker after information is referred to Appendix
+    E for our captain's legend of the "Swallow's Nest"
+    and "The Brothers."
+
+We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, and I
+performed the delicate duties of my office very well indeed
+for a first attempt; but perceiving, presently, that I
+really was going to shoot the bridge itself instead
+of the archway under it, I judiciously stepped ashore.
+The next moment I had my long-coveted desire: I saw
+a raft wrecked.  It hit the pier in the center and went
+all to smash and scatteration like a box of matches
+struck by lightning.
+
+I was the only one of our party who saw this grand sight;
+the others were attitudinizing, for the benefit of the long
+rank of young ladies who were promenading on the bank,
+and so they lost it.  But I helped to fish them out of
+the river, down below the bridge, and then described it
+to them as well as I could.
+
+They were not interested, though.  They said they were
+wet and felt ridiculous and did not care anything for
+descriptions of scenery.  The young ladies, and other people,
+crowded around and showed a great deal of sympathy,
+but that did not help matters; for my friends said they
+did not want sympathy, they wanted a back alley and solitude.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+[My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug]
+
+Next morning brought good news--our trunks had arrived
+from Hamburg at last.  Let this be a warning to the reader.
+The Germans are very conscientious, and this trait makes
+them very particular.  Therefore if you tell a German you
+want a thing done immediately, he takes you at your word;
+he thinks you mean what you say; so he does that thing
+immediately--according to his idea of immediately
+--which is about a week; that is, it is a week if it refers
+to the building of a garment, or it is an hour and a half
+if it refers to the cooking of a trout.  Very well; if you
+tell a German to send your trunk to you by "slow freight,"
+he takes you at your word; he sends it by "slow freight,"
+and you cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarging
+your admiration of the expressiveness of that phrase
+in the German tongue, before you get that trunk.
+The hair on my trunk was soft and thick and youthful,
+when I got it ready for shipment in Hamburg; it was baldheaded
+when it reached Heidelberg.  However, it was still sound,
+that was a comfort, it was not battered in the least;
+the baggagemen seemed to be conscientiously careful,
+in Germany, of the baggage entrusted to their hands.
+There was nothing now in the way of our departure, therefore we
+set about our preparations.
+
+Naturally my chief solicitude was about my collection
+of Ceramics.  Of course I could not take it with me,
+that would be inconvenient, and dangerous besides.
+I took advice, but the best brick-a-brackers were divided
+as to the wisest course to pursue; some said pack the
+collection and warehouse it; others said try to get it
+into the Grand Ducal Museum at Mannheim for safe keeping.
+So I divided the collection, and followed the advice of
+both parties.  I set aside, for the Museum, those articles
+which were the most frail and precious.
+
+Among these was my Etruscan tear-jug. I have made a little
+sketch of it here; [Figure 6] that thing creeping up
+the side is not a bug, it is a hole.  I bought this
+tear-jug of a dealer in antiquities for four hundred
+and fifty dollars.  It is very rare.  The man said the
+Etruscans used to keep tears or something in these things,
+and that it was very hard to get hold of a broken one, now.
+I also set aside my Henri II.  plate.  See sketch
+from my pencil; [Figure 7] it is in the main correct,
+though I think I have foreshortened one end of it a little
+too much, perhaps.  This is very fine and rare; the shape
+is exceedingly beautiful and unusual.  It has wonderful
+decorations on it, but I am not able to reproduce them.
+It cost more than the tear-jug, as the dealer said
+there was not another plate just like it in the world.
+He said there was much false Henri II ware around,
+but that the genuineness of this piece was unquestionable.
+He showed me its pedigree, or its history, if you please;
+it was a document which traced this plate's movements
+all the way down from its birth--showed who bought it,
+from whom, and what he paid for it--from the first buyer
+down to me, whereby I saw that it had gone steadily up
+from thirty-five cents to seven hundred dollars.  He said
+that the whole Ceramic world would be informed that it
+was now in my possession and would make a note of it,
+with the price paid.  [Figure 8]
+
+There were Masters in those days, but, alas--it is not so now.
+Of course the main preciousness of this piece lies in its color;
+it is that old sensuous, pervading, ramifying, interpolating,
+transboreal blue which is the despair of modern art.
+The little sketch which I have made of this gem cannot
+and does not do it justice, since I have been obliged
+to leave out the color.  But I've got the expression, though.
+
+However, I must not be frittering away the reader's time
+with these details.  I did not intend to go into any
+detail at all, at first, but it is the failing of the
+true ceramiker, or the true devotee in any department
+of brick-a-brackery, that once he gets his tongue or his
+pen started on his darling theme, he cannot well stop
+until he drops from exhaustion.  He has no more sense
+of the flight of time than has any other lover when talking
+of his sweetheart.  The very "marks" on the bottom
+of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into
+a gibbering ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning
+relative to help dispute about whether the stopple
+of a departed Buon Retiro scent-bottle was genuine or spurious.
+
+Many people say that for a male person, bric-a-brac hunting
+is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes,
+or decorating Japanese pots with decalcomanie butterflies
+would be, and these people fling mud at the elegant Englishman,
+Byng, who wrote a book called THE BRIC-A-BRAC HUNTER,
+and make fun of him for chasing around after what they choose
+to call "his despicable trifles"; and for "gushing" over
+these trifles; and for exhibiting his "deep infantile delight"
+in what they call his "tuppenny collection of beggarly
+trivialities"; and for beginning his book with a picture
+of himself seated, in a "sappy, self-complacent attitude,
+in the midst of his poor little ridiculous bric-a-brac junk
+shop."
+
+It is easy to say these things; it is easy to revile us,
+easy to despise us; therefore, let these people rail on;
+they cannot feel as Byng and I feel--it is their loss,
+not ours.  For my part I am content to be a brick-a-bracker
+and a ceramiker--more, I am proud to be so named.
+I am proud to know that I lose my reason as immediately
+in the presence of a rare jug with an illustrious mark
+on the bottom of it, as if I had just emptied that jug.
+Very well; I packed and stored a part of my collection,
+and the rest of it I placed in the care of the Grand Ducal
+Museum in Mannheim, by permission.  My Old Blue China
+Cat remains there yet.  I presented it to that excellent
+institution.
+
+I had but one misfortune with my things.  An egg which I
+had kept back from breakfast that morning, was broken
+in packing.  It was a great pity.  I had shown it to the
+best connoisseurs in Heidelberg, and they all said it
+was an antique.  We spent a day or two in farewell visits,
+and then left for Baden-Baden. We had a pleasant
+trip to it, for the Rhine valley is always lovely.
+The only trouble was that the trip was too short.
+If I remember rightly it only occupied a couple of hours,
+therefore I judge that the distance was very little,
+if any, over fifty miles.  We quitted the train at Oos,
+and walked the entire remaining distance to Baden-Baden,
+with the exception of a lift of less than an hour which we
+got on a passing wagon, the weather being exhaustingly warm.
+We came into town on foot.
+
+One of the first persons we encountered, as we walked
+up the street, was the Rev. Mr. ------, an old friend
+from America--a lucky encounter, indeed, for his is
+a most gentle, refined, and sensitive nature, and his
+company and companionship are a genuine refreshment.
+We knew he had been in Europe some time, but were not
+at all expecting to run across him.  Both parties burst
+forth into loving enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr. ------said:
+
+"I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour out
+on you, and an empty one ready and thirsting to receive
+what you have got; we will sit up till midnight
+and have a good satisfying interchange, for I leave
+here early in the morning." We agreed to that, of course.
+
+I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a person
+who was walking in the street abreast of us; I had glanced
+furtively at him once or twice, and noticed that he
+was a fine, large, vigorous young fellow, with an open,
+independent countenance, faintly shaded with a pale
+and even almost imperceptible crop of early down,
+and that he was clothed from head to heel in cool and
+enviable snow-white linen.  I thought I had also noticed
+that his head had a sort of listening tilt to it.
+Now about this time the Rev. Mr. ------said:
+
+"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, so I will
+walk behind; but keep the talk going, keep the talk going,
+there's no time to lose, and you may be sure I will do
+my share." He ranged himself behind us, and straightway that
+stately snow-white young fellow closed up to the sidewalk
+alongside him, fetched him a cordial slap on the shoulder
+with his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeriness:
+
+"AMERICANS for two-and-a-half and the money up! HEY?"
+
+The Reverend winced, but said mildly:
+
+"Yes--we are Americans."
+
+"Lord love you, you can just bet that's what _I_ am,
+every time! Put it there!"
+
+He held out his Sahara of his palm, and the Reverend laid
+his diminutive hand in it, and got so cordial a shake
+that we heard his glove burst under it.
+
+"Say, didn't I put you up right?"
+
+"Oh, yes."
+
+"Sho! I spotted you for MY kind the minute I heard
+your clack.  You been over here long?"
+
+"About four months.  Have you been over long?"
+
+"LONG? Well, I should say so! Going on two YEARS,
+by geeminy! Say, are you homesick?"
+
+"No, I can't say that I am.  Are you?"
+
+"Oh, HELL, yes!" This with immense enthusiasm.
+
+The Reverend shrunk a little, in his clothes, and we
+were aware, rather by instinct than otherwise, that he
+was throwing out signals of distress to us; but we did
+not interfere or try to succor him, for we were quite happy.
+
+The young fellow hooked his arm into the Reverend's, now,
+with the confiding and grateful air of a waif who has
+been longing for a friend, and a sympathetic ear,
+and a chance to lisp once more the sweet accents of the
+mother-tongue--and then he limbered up the muscles
+of his mouth and turned himself loose--and with such a
+relish! Some of his words were not Sunday-school words,
+so I am obliged to put blanks where they occur.
+
+"Yes indeedy! If _I_ ain't an American there AIN'T
+any Americans, that's all.  And when I heard you fellows
+gassing away in the good old American language, I'm ------
+if it wasn't all I could do to keep from hugging you! My
+tongue's all warped with trying to curl it around these
+------forsaken wind-galled nine-jointed German words here;
+now I TELL you it's awful good to lay it over a Christian
+word once more and kind of let the old taste soak it.
+I'm from western New York.  My name is Cholley Adams.
+I'm a student, you know.  Been here going on two years.
+I'm learning to be a horse-doctor! I LIKE that part of it,
+you know, but ------these people, they won't learn a fellow
+in his own language, they make him learn in German; so before
+I could tackle the horse-doctoring I had to tackle this
+miserable language.
+
+"First off, I thought it would certainly give me
+the botts, but I don't mind now.  I've got it where the
+hair's short, I think; and dontchuknow, they made me
+learn Latin, too.  Now between you and me, I wouldn't
+give a ------for all the Latin that was ever jabbered;
+and the first thing _I_ calculate to do when I get through,
+is to just sit down and forget it.  'Twon't take me long,
+and I don't mind the time, anyway.  And I tell you what!
+the difference between school-teaching over yonder and
+school-teaching over here--sho! WE don't know anything
+about it! Here you're got to peg and peg and peg and there
+just ain't any let-up--and what you learn here, you've got
+to KNOW, dontchuknow --or else you'll have one of these
+------spavined, spectacles, ring-boned, knock-kneed old
+professors in your hair.  I've been here long ENOUGH,
+and I'm getting blessed tired of it, mind I TELL you.
+The old man wrote me that he was coming over in June,
+and said he'd take me home in August, whether I was done
+with my education or not, but durn him, he didn't come;
+never said why; just sent me a hamper of Sunday-school
+books, and told me to be good, and hold on a while.
+I don't take to Sunday-school books, dontchuknow--I
+don't hanker after them when I can get pie--but I
+READ them, anyway, because whatever the old man tells
+me to do, that's the thing that I'm a-going to DO,
+or tear something, you know.  I buckled in and read
+all those books, because he wanted me to; but that kind
+of thing don't excite ME, I like something HEARTY.
+But I'm awful homesick.  I'm homesick from ear-socket
+to crupper, and from crupper to hock-joint; but it ain't
+any use, I've got to stay here, till the old man drops
+the rag and give the word--yes, SIR, right here in this
+------country I've got to linger till the old man says
+COME!--and you bet your bottom dollar, Johnny, it AIN'T
+just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins!"
+
+At the end of this profane and cordial explosion he
+fetched a prodigious "WHOOSH!" to relieve his lungs
+and make recognition of the heat, and then he straightway
+dived into his narrative again for "Johnny's" benefit,
+beginning, "Well, ------it ain't any use talking,
+some of those old American words DO have a kind
+of a bully swing to them; a man can EXPRESS himself
+with 'em--a man can get at what he wants to SAY, dontchuknow."
+
+When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he was
+about to lose the Reverend, he showed so much sorrow,
+and begged so hard and so earnestly that the Reverend's heart
+was not hard enough to hold out against the pleadings
+--so he went away with the parent-honoring student, like a
+right Christian, and took supper with him in his lodgings,
+and sat in the surf-beat of his slang and profanity
+till near midnight, and then left him--left him pretty
+well talked out, but grateful "clear down to his frogs,"
+as he expressed it.  The Reverend said it had transpired
+during the interview that "Cholley" Adams's father
+was an extensive dealer in horses in western New York;
+this accounted for Cholley's choice of a profession.
+The Reverend brought away a pretty high opinion of
+Cholley as a manly young fellow, with stuff in him for
+a useful citizen; he considered him rather a rough gem,
+but a gem, nevertheless.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+[Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans]
+
+Baden-Baden sits in the lap of the hills, and the natural
+and artificial beauties of the surroundings are combined
+effectively and charmingly.  The level strip of ground
+which stretches through and beyond the town is laid
+out in handsome pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees
+and adorned at intervals with lofty and sparkling
+fountain-jets. Thrice a day a fine band makes music
+in the public promenade before the Conversation House,
+and in the afternoon and evening that locality is populous
+with fashionably dressed people of both sexes, who march
+back and forth past the great music-stand and look very
+much bored, though they make a show of feeling otherwise.
+It seems like a rather aimless and stupid existence.
+A good many of these people are there for a real
+purpose, however; they are racked with rheumatism,
+and they are there to stew it out in the hot baths.
+These invalids looked melancholy enough, limping about on
+their canes and crutches, and apparently brooding over
+all sorts of cheerless things.  People say that Germany,
+with her damp stone houses, is the home of rheumatism.
+If that is so, Providence must have foreseen that it
+would be so, and therefore filled the land with the
+healing baths.  Perhaps no other country is so generously
+supplied with medicinal springs as Germany.  Some of
+these baths are good for one ailment, some for another;
+and again, peculiar ailments are conquered by combining
+the individual virtues of several different baths.
+For instance, for some forms of disease, the patient drinks
+the native hot water of Baden-Baden, with a spoonful
+of salt from the Carlsbad springs dissolved in it.
+That is not a dose to be forgotten right away.
+
+They don't SELL this hot water; no, you go into the
+great Trinkhalle, and stand around, first on one foot
+and then on the other, while two or three young girls
+sit pottering at some sort of ladylike sewing-work
+in your neighborhood and can't seem to see you --polite
+as three-dollar clerks in government offices.
+
+By and by one of these rises painfully, and
+"stretches"--stretches
+fists and body heavenward till she raises her heels from
+the floor, at the same time refreshing herself with a yawn
+of such comprehensiveness that the bulk of her face disappears
+behind her upper lip and one is able to see how she is
+constructed inside--then she slowly closes her cavern,
+brings down her fists and her heels, comes languidly forward,
+contemplates you contemptuously, draws you a glass of hot water
+and sets it down where you can get it by reaching for it.  You
+take it and say:
+
+"How much?"--and she returns you, with elaborate indifference,
+a beggar's answer:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE" (what you please.)
+
+This thing of using the common beggar's trick and the common
+beggar's shibboleth to put you on your liberality when you
+were expecting a simple straightforward commercial transaction,
+adds a little to your prospering sense of irritation.
+You ignore her reply, and ask again:
+
+"How much?"
+
+--and she calmly, indifferently, repeats:
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+You are getting angry, but you are trying not to show it;
+you resolve to keep on asking your question till she changes
+her answer, or at least her annoyingly indifferent manner.
+Therefore, if your case be like mine, you two fools
+stand there, and without perceptible emotion of any kind,
+or any emphasis on any syllable, you look blandly into each
+other's eyes, and hold the following idiotic conversation:
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+"How much?"
+
+"NACH BELIEBE."
+
+I do not know what another person would have done,
+but at this point I gave up; that cast-iron indifference,
+that tranquil contemptuousness, conquered me, and I struck
+my colors.  Now I knew she was used to receiving about a
+penny from manly people who care nothing about the opinions
+of scullery-maids, and about tuppence from moral cowards;
+but I laid a silver twenty-five cent piece within her
+reach and tried to shrivel her up with this sarcastic
+speech:
+
+"If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently from
+your official dignity to say so?"
+
+She did not shrivel.  Without deigning to look at me at all,
+she languidly lifted the coin and bit it!--to see if it
+was good.  Then she turned her back and placidly waddled
+to her former roost again, tossing the money into an open
+till as she went along.  She was victor to the last,
+you see.
+
+I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl because they
+are typical; her manners are the manners of a goodly
+number of the Baden-Baden shopkeepers.  The shopkeeper
+there swindles you if he can, and insults you whether
+he succeeds in swindling you or not.  The keepers of
+baths also take great and patient pains to insult you.
+The frowsy woman who sat at the desk in the lobby
+of the great Friederichsbad and sold bath tickets,
+not only insulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity
+to her great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat
+me out of a shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled
+her to ten.  Baden-Baden's splendid gamblers are gone,
+only her microscopic knaves remain.
+
+An English gentleman who had been living there
+several years, said:
+
+"If you could disguise your nationality, you would not
+find any insolence here.  These shopkeepers detest the
+English and despise the Americans; they are rude to both,
+more especially to ladies of your nationality and mine.
+If these go shopping without a gentleman or a man-servant,
+they are tolerably sure to be subjected to petty insolences
+--insolences of manner and tone, rather than word,
+though words that are hard to bear are not always wanting.
+I know of an instance where a shopkeeper tossed a coin back
+to an American lady with the remark, snappishly uttered,
+'We don't take French money here.' And I know of a case
+where an English lady said to one of these shopkeepers,
+'Don't you think you ask too much for this article?'
+and he replied with the question, 'Do you think you are
+obliged to buy it?' However, these people are not impolite
+to Russians or Germans.  And as to rank, they worship that,
+for they have long been used to generals and nobles.
+If you wish to see what abysses servility can descend,
+present yourself before a Baden-Baden shopkeeper in the
+character of a Russian prince."
+
+It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty fraud,
+and snobbery, but the baths are good.  I spoke with
+many people, and they were all agreed in that.  I had
+the twinges of rheumatism unceasingly during three years,
+but the last one departed after a fortnight's bathing there,
+and I have never had one since.  I fully believe I left my
+rheumatism in Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is welcome to it.
+It was little, but it was all I had to give.  I would
+have preferred to leave something that was catching,
+but it was not in my power.
+
+There are several hot springs there, and during two
+thousand years they have poured forth a never-diminishing
+abundance of the healing water.  This water is conducted
+in pipe to the numerous bath-houses, and is reduced to
+an endurable temperature by the addition of cold water.
+The new Friederichsbad is a very large and beautiful building,
+and in it one may have any sort of bath that has ever
+been invented, and with all the additions of herbs and
+drugs that his ailment may need or that the physician
+of the establishment may consider a useful thing to put
+into the water.  You go there, enter the great door,
+get a bow graduated to your style and clothes from the
+gorgeous portier, and a bath ticket and an insult from
+the frowsy woman for a quarter; she strikes a bell and a
+serving-man conducts you down a long hall and shuts you
+into a commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror,
+a bootjack, and a sofa in it, and there you undress
+at your leisure.
+
+The room is divided by a great curtain; you draw this
+curtain aside, and find a large white marble bathtub,
+with its rim sunk to the level of the floor,
+and with three white marble steps leading down to it.
+This tub is full of water which is as clear as crystal,
+and is tempered to 28 degrees Re'aumur (about 95 degrees
+Fahrenheit). Sunk into the floor, by the tub, is a covered
+copper box which contains some warm towels and a sheet.
+You look fully as white as an angel when you are stretched
+out in that limpid bath.  You remain in it ten minutes,
+the first time, and afterward increase the duration from
+day to day, till you reach twenty-five or thirty minutes.
+There you stop.  The appointments of the place are
+so luxurious, the benefit so marked, the price so moderate,
+and the insults so sure, that you very soon find yourself
+adoring the Friederichsbad and infesting it.
+
+We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good hotel,
+in Baden-Baden--the Ho^tel de France--and alongside my room
+I had a giggling, cackling, chattering family who always
+went to bed just two hours after me and always got up two
+hours ahead of me.  But this is common in German hotels;
+the people generally go to bed long after eleven and get
+up long before eight.  The partitions convey sound
+like a drum-head, and everybody knows it; but no matter,
+a German family who are all kindness and consideration
+in the daytime make apparently no effort to moderate
+their noises for your benefit at night.  They will sing,
+laugh, and talk loudly, and bang furniture around in a most
+pitiless way.  If you knock on your wall appealingly,
+they will quiet down and discuss the matter softly among
+themselves for a moment--then, like the mice, they fall
+to persecuting you again, and as vigorously as before.
+They keep cruelly late and early hours, for such noisy folk.
+
+Of course, when one begins to find fault with foreign
+people's ways, he is very likely to get a reminder to look
+nearer home, before he gets far with it.  I open my note-book
+to see if I can find some more information of a valuable
+nature about Baden-Baden, and the first thing I fall upon is
+this:
+
+"BADEN-BADEN (no date). Lot of vociferous Americans
+at breakfast this morning.  Talking AT everybody,
+while pretending to talk among themselves.  On their
+first travels, manifestly.  Showing off.  The usual
+signs--airy, easy-going references to grand distances
+and foreign places.  'Well GOOD-by, old fellow
+--if I don't run across you in Italy, you hunt me up in
+London before you sail.'"
+
+The next item which I find in my note-book is this one:
+
+"The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now murdering
+our frontiersmen at their impudent leisure, and that we
+are only able to send 1,200 soldiers against them,
+is utilized here to discourage emigration to America.
+The common people think the Indians are in New Jersey."
+
+This is a new and peculiar argument against keeping our army
+down to a ridiculous figure in the matter of numbers.
+It is rather a striking one, too.  I have not distorted
+the truth in saying that the facts in the above item,
+about the army and the Indians, are made use of to
+discourage emigration to America.  That the common
+people should be rather foggy in their geography,
+and foggy as to the location of the Indians, is a matter
+for amusement, maybe, but not of surprise.
+
+There is an interesting old cemetery in Baden-Baden, and
+we spent several pleasant hours in wandering through it
+and spelling out the inscriptions on the aged tombstones.
+Apparently after a man has laid there a century or two,
+and has had a good many people buried on top of him,
+it is considered that his tombstone is not needed by him
+any longer.  I judge so from the fact that hundreds
+of old gravestones have been removed from the graves
+and placed against the inner walls of the cemetery.
+What artists they had in the old times! They chiseled angels
+and cherubs and devils and skeletons on the tombstones
+in the most lavish and generous way--as to supply--but
+curiously grotesque and outlandish as to form.  It is not
+always easy to tell which of the figures belong among
+the blest and which of them among the opposite party.
+But there was an inscription, in French, on one of those
+old stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was plainly
+not the work of any other than a poet.  It was to this
+effect:
+
+    Here Reposes in God, Caroline de Clery, a Religieuse
+    of St. Denis aged 83 years--and blind.  The light
+    was restored to her in Baden the 5th of January, 1839
+
+We made several excursions on foot to the neighboring villages,
+over winding and beautiful roads and through enchanting
+woodland scenery.  The woods and roads were similar to those
+at Heidelberg, but not so bewitching.  I suppose that roads
+and woods which are up to the Heidelberg mark are rare in the
+world.
+
+Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita Palace,
+which is several miles from Baden-Baden. The grounds
+about the palace were fine; the palace was a curiosity.
+It was built by a Margravine in 1725, and remains as she
+left it at her death.  We wandered through a great many
+of its rooms, and they all had striking peculiarities
+of decoration.  For instance, the walls of one room were
+pretty completely covered with small pictures of the
+Margravine in all conceivable varieties of fanciful costumes,
+some of them male.
+
+The walls of another room were covered with grotesquely
+and elaborately figured hand-wrought tapestry.
+The musty ancient beds remained in the chambers,
+and their quilts and curtains and canopies were decorated
+with curious handwork, and the walls and ceilings frescoed
+with historical and mythological scenes in glaring colors.
+There was enough crazy and rotten rubbish in the building
+to make a true brick-a-bracker green with envy.
+A painting in the dining-hall verged upon the indelicate
+--but then the Margravine was herself a trifle indelicate.
+
+It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely decorated house,
+and brimful of interest as a reflection of the character
+and tastes of that rude bygone time.
+
+In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, stands the
+Margravine's chapel, just as she left it--a coarse
+wooden structure, wholly barren of ornament.  It is said
+that the Margravine would give herself up to debauchery
+and exceedingly fast living for several months at a time,
+and then retire to this miserable wooden den and spend
+a few months in repenting and getting ready for another
+good time.  She was a devoted Catholic, and was perhaps
+quite a model sort of a Christian as Christians went then,
+in high life.
+
+Tradition says she spent the last two years of her life in the
+strange den I have been speaking of, after having indulged
+herself in one final, triumphant, and satisfying spree.
+She shut herself up there, without company, and without
+even a servant, and so abjured and forsook the world.
+In her little bit of a kitchen she did her own cooking;
+she wore a hair shirt next the skin, and castigated herself
+with whips--these aids to grace are exhibited there yet.
+She prayed and told her beads, in another little room,
+before a waxen Virgin niched in a little box against the wall;
+she bedded herself like a slave.
+
+In another small room is an unpainted wooden table,
+and behind it sit half-life-size waxen figures of the
+Holy Family, made by the very worst artist that ever
+lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy drapery.
+[1] The margravine used to bring her meals to this table
+and DINE WITH THE HOLY FAMILY.  What an idea that was!
+What a grisly spectacle it must have been! Imagine it:
+Those rigid, shock-headed figures, with corpsy complexions
+and fish glass eyes, occupying one side of the table
+in the constrained attitudes and dead fixedness that
+distinguish all men that are born of wax, and this wrinkled,
+smoldering old fire-eater occupying the other side,
+mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages in the ghostly
+stillness and shadowy indistinctness of a winter twilight.
+It makes one feel crawly even to think of it.
+
+1.  The Savior was represented as a lad of about fifteen
+    years of age.  This figure had lost one eye.
+
+In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed like
+a pauper, this strange princess lived and worshiped during
+two years, and in it she died.  Two or three hundred
+years ago, this would have made the poor den holy ground;
+and the church would have set up a miracle-factory there
+and made plenty of money out of it.  The den could be moved
+into some portions of France and made a good property even now.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, Part 3
+by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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