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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..10cbbf9 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #54014 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/54014) diff --git a/old/54014-0.txt b/old/54014-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b58c520..0000000 --- a/old/54014-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5949 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's The Merchant Prince of Cornville, by Samuel Eberly Gross - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Merchant Prince of Cornville - A comedy - -Author: Samuel Eberly Gross - -Release Date: January 22, 2017 [EBook #54014] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MERCHANT PRINCE OF CORNVILLE *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - - The Merchant Prince of Cornville - - [Illustration: Signature, _Samuel Eberly Gross_] - - - - - The - - Merchant Prince of Cornville - - _A COMEDY_ - - BY SAMUEL EBERLY GROSS - - _Represented in_ LONDON, ENGLAND, _at the_ NOVELTY THEATER, - _on November 11, 1896_. - - FOURTH EDITION. - - CHICAGO AND NEW YORK: - RAND, McNALLY & COMPANY, - PUBLISHERS. - - Copyright, 1896, by Samuel Eberly Gross. - All rights reserved. - - Copyrighted in England, 1896. - - - - -PREFACE TO THE FOURTH EDITION. - - -Prompted by the interest which has arisen since the publication of -former editions of this comedy, the author takes occasion to state that -“The Merchant Prince of Cornville” was written between the years 1875 -and 1879. It was circulated and read in manuscript copies until 1895, -when, at the request of many persons, it was placed in the hands of the -printers for publication in book form, from whom printed proofs were -received in July, of that year. In 1896 the first edition appeared in -print from the University Press of Cambridge. In the same year it was -given a single representation at the Novelty Theater, London, with the -object only of securing the acting rights in England. - -One of the purposes of the author is to present the poetic and ideal in -dramatic contrast with the materialistic and commonplace spirit, which, -perhaps, somewhat more strongly than to-day, prevailed two decades ago, -when this comedy was completed; the underlying theme intended to be -developed being that the love of a high-minded and refined woman can be -gained only by appealing to her poetic fancy and finer sensibilities. -How well the objects sought have been attained is left to the judgment -of the reader. - -S. E. G. - -CHICAGO, March 1, 1899. - - - - -The Merchant Prince of Cornville. - -_A Comedy._ - - - - -THE CHARACTERS. - - - WHETSTONE _The Merchant Prince, suitor to Violet._ - BLUEGRASS _His secretary._ - SCYTHE _A scientist._ - IDEAL _A poet, suitor to Violet._ - NORTHLAKE _A philosopher._ - FOPDOODLE _A fop, suitor to Violet._ - TOM _His valet._ - PUNCH _A miscellaneous person._ - JACK _Son to Northlake and Catharine._ - POMPEY _A butler._ - HANNIBAL _A servant._ - - VIOLET _Niece and ward to Northlake._ - NINON _Her maid._ - CATHARINE _Former wife to Northlake._ - SUSAN _Housekeeper to Whetstone._ - - _Maskers, Musicians, etc._ - - PLACE _The Seaside._ - TIME _The Last Quarter of the Nineteenth Century._ - - - - -SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY AND INCIDENTS. - - -ACT I. - -SCENE I. _An orchard by the sea. Sunrise. The pursuit and discovery._ - - II. _A pavilion, with view of the sea. The arrival of the - Merchant Prince._ - -ACT II. - -SCENE I. _On the seashore. Business, science, and romance._ - - II. _Portico of the Dolphin Inn. A speculation in love._ - - III. _A costumer’s shop. A study in characters._ - - IV. _A street. The fop and the ape._ - - V. _A boudoir. Before the masquerade._ - -ACT III. - -SCENE I. _A masquerade. Assembly of the maskers._ - - II. _A balcony. The lover in armor._ - - III. _The same. A minor love affair._ - - IV. _The same. Hearts unmasked._ - -ACT IV. - -SCENE I. _A room at the Dolphin Inn. The hour before the combat._ - - II. _A clearing in a wood. The literary duel._ - - III. _The Glen of Ferns. Love’s high noon._ - -ACT V. - -SCENE I. _A room at the Dolphin Inn. A prelude to a serenade._ - - II. _A hall in a villa. A speculation in stocks._ - - III. _A lawn before a villa. The serenade and finale._ - - - - - The Merchant Prince of Cornville. - - _A COMEDY._ - - - - -Act the First. - - -SCENE I.--_An orchard by the sea. Sunrise. Birds singing._ - -_Enter_ IDEAL. - -IDEAL. - - The hour of dawn!--how thrilling and intense! - The matin songs of birds, that dart and soar - On quivering wings, now break upon the sense - As sharply as the cannon’s voice at mid-day; - In yonder wood that guards the sea-cliff’s wall, - Where sullen shadows shrink away and flee - Before the rising sun’s advancing spears, - The day-detesting owl hath turned his back - Unto the light, and sought the sheltering cowl - Of ivy web about the oak-tree thrown; - And all the glowing world,--wood, sea, and sky,-- - Is most sublimely beautiful beneath - This pendulous light, that, like an avalanche - Of golden beams.... But I have spoken the word - That halts my fancy’s flight, and brings me back - To earth and its dull cares, and our dull age,-- - Our golden age ’tis called: our age of gold, - Hard and material, when our best ideals - But folly seem, all things are bought and sold, - And even love itself is merchandise. - Alas! the many years that I have known, - And many ills, in this same golden age, - Have brought their bitter harvest to my breast, - Like frozen grain beaten by winds unkind - From out the icy north; but as those seeds - Fall sterile on the earth, nor glow with life, - So shall my sorrows take no living root - Within my bosom.... Now do I recall, - Like a sweet picture in a gallery hung, - How I last eve at early twilight watched - The figure of a lovely maiden bending - Tenderly o’er a vase of new-blown flowers, - Upon a breezy terrace, underneath - A green-hued lattice-work, that, like a shield - Embossed with morning-glories, hides and guards - Her chamber window. Passing there this morn, - I looked upon the flowers as one might - Who, barred from out the walls of Paradise, - Would seize some blossom growing sweetly there; - Then, while my eager heart tumultuous beat, - Sending the tell-tale blushes to my cheek, - I plucked a flower--this crimson, perfumed pink. - ’Tis woven from a clod of earth, and yet - To me ’tis fairer than a star of heaven. - Sweet flower! sweet flower! last evening I did see - Thy mistress from her chamber casement lean - And gaze ecstatic on the pilgrim moon - Tracing a silvery path along the sky; - But thou didst woo her from that magic gaze, - Drawing her to thee with the subtler force - Of finer particles than live within - The cold moon’s slanting beams.... - But soft! yonder my lady’s self appears, - Slow moving down the orchard path. I’ll seek - A covert by this tree. Seeing the hunter - Doth fright the deer away. - -[_He hides behind an orchard tree._ - -_Enter_ VIOLET. - -VIOLET. - -Which way’s the robber gone? I’m sure I saw him here. - -IDEAL [_aside_]. - -What! I’m a robber, am I? Well, this tree hath no tell-tale bark, and -I’ll stay here. - -VIOLET. - -I thought I heard some one speak, but not from underground, for he’s not -a goblin; nor yet from the sky, for he’s not an angel; nor yet from the -earth, for no dreadful man is near. Why, what is that in the sky? ’Tis -last eve’s moon, that will not to her couch by day. To rest! pale -planet. O gentle moon, where is thy blush? Thou art dismantled by the -roseate sun. Alack! what divine dramas are there in the skies! - - Oh, would that I within thy circlet’s rim - Might glide by curves of brightening lawns. In thee - The day is half a month till noon, and thoughts - Are gentle as the velvet fawns that glide - From out thy rustling groves. In thee, rare flowers - Their fragrant balms distil, and perfume wreathes - The girdling hours. Let me fancy this! - -IDEAL. - -Now doth she see her fragile fancies rise on wings of gossamer, like one -who chases golden butterflies, flying before the dawn. What sweet -mysterious alchemy could beauty such as hers persuade! - -VIOLET. - -But list; what’s this? A spirit in the tree,--a talking spirit, too! -I’ll listen; ’tis my privilege in this orchard. Go on, sweet spirit, I’m -listening. [_Pauses._] Nay, go on, my time is brief; or if thou’dst -rather, I’ll not overhear. - -IDEAL. - -Nay, hear, sweet maid; I’m fated in this tree to dwell, and ne’er before -so spoke my heart unto a maid. - -VIOLET. - -Canst thou not speak in rhymes? Why, spirits should be poets too; or is -the tree’s rind too hard? I do pity thee for a poor spirit. - -IDEAL. - -Nay, hear me. When the tree is in its blossom, then rhymes come -fleetest; when the tree is in its fruitage, then rhymes come sweetest. -Thou once, on such a time, didst sit beneath these ripening boughs, in -sweetest reverie wrapt, and I, while musing on thy beauty and the gentle -spirit within thee, did weave these rhymes. - -VIOLET. - -I well remember it; and if thou art a truthful spirit I will listen to -thy rhymes. Thou mayst begin. - -IDEAL. - - What pure mysterious alchemy - Doth beauty chaste as thine persuade - To sublimate its crude degree - In sweetest herbs of earth displayed! - -VIOLET. - -Stop, stop; I command thee! Thou art much too philosophical for a poet. -I’m weary. - -IDEAL. - -Thou didst halt me in the middle of my verse. - - For I philosophy discern - In quivering lips, in liquid eyes, - In rounded neck, and cheeks that burn - Like rose-leaves ’neath the radiant skies; - - In hair as golden as the sun - That wreathes the circling grove, and seems - As fine and delicately spun - As if ’twere woven of his beams. - -VIOLET. - -Thou’rt much too flattering for a spirit. Thou art not a cold spirit, -but a warm one. Good spirits should be cold. Mend thy rhymes, or I will -leave thee in thy prison. - -IDEAL [_aside_]. - -I’ll learn if she beheld my robbery this morn. - - [_Aloud._] Didst thou awake? - Didst thou awake? - That hour when moonbeams glide away - ’Neath limpid tints of twinkling day, - When from the wires of its cage, - That string between from bar to bar, - Thy prisoned bird, in tuneful rage, - Awoke unto the morning star, - And sang unto the woodland wild - That hides the sun beyond the hills, - And hides, in wavy foliage isled, - The breezy nest of cooing bills? - Didst thou awake? - Didst thou awake? - -VIOLET. - -Why, that sounds like a morning serenade. Now indeed do I know thee for -a spirit of light-tripping gayety; but I’ll answer no questions. I was -wakened by a robber who from my chamber-window plucked my favorite -flower. Spirits should know all things, and not be so inquisitive for -ladies’ secrets. - -IDEAL. - - Give me the wings of yonder lark, - Soaring into the perfumed dawn, - Beyond the chimney’s beckoning spark - That, blackening, strews the beaten lawn. - - For I, within this tree immured, - With fervent glances scan the ships - That sail and sail until, obscured, - The ivory fleet the ocean dips; - - While swarms of white-winged memories, - Like missive-bearing doves, arise - From out the pure pellucid seas, - And float above these orchard skies. - -VIOLET. - -Why, what pretty fruit that tree doth bear! I have a mind, but, alas! -not the heart, to leave thee in thy tree, to rhyme to me some other day. -Art done? No answer. Then I’ll rhyme, too. Spirit, thy art’s infectious. - - Move slow, thou circlet of the moon, - Turn not to zones thy brightening lawns; - Let day be half a month till noon; - Wake not with light thy distant dawns. - -But, fie, why doth the genial sun make the moon so pale? I would not -turn so pale were a man to appear in this orchard. [_Pauses._] Sweet -spirit, appear, appear! No answer. Hast lost thy speech, or doth the -tree’s bark encompass thee too closely? If thou art in the trunk of this -fair tree, I’ll petition it with ardent lips to ope its close-bound rind -and let thee out; but how? The tree cannot hear, being deaf, but the -tree can feel, being alive; so then, I’ll kiss thee, thou hard, hard -tree. [_Bends to kiss the tree, when_ IDEAL _appears and kisses her_.] -What spirit art thou in man’s disguise to thus affright a lady who ne’er -did harm to thee, but wished thee well? How couldst thou treat me so? - -IDEAL. - -Fair maid, thou fill’st me with such keen delight I know not what to -say, but pause for utterance, my lips being newly laden with a sweet -burden. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, not so. Thou art too literal. I do entreat thee for an answer. - -IDEAL. - -Thou art the most fair complainant that e’er did sue for answer, and in -a just cause, too. How could the earth resist the sun? How could the sea -resist the tide? How could a spirit resist heaven? - -VIOLET. - -I thought thou wert a spirit who’d been in heaven long ago. - -IDEAL. - -Never before did I even dream of heaven; and for material answer make I -this: Our spirits were kindred, and by that fair relationship I did -salute thee so. - -VIOLET. - -Now do I know thee: thou art no spirit, but a robber,--a substantial -robber who plucked my favorite pink from my window; but I, rising in -quick haste, followed thee adown this orchard path. Thou thought’st thou -hadst escaped me. I did see thee but half plainly, by the dawn’s most -timorous light that through the lattice wooed my pillow. - -IDEAL. - -As thou didst wake! Oh, would I were the dawn’s most delicate light that -wooed thy soul’s fair stars exiled within thy crescent-curtained eyes! - -VIOLET. - -And if thou wert, thou wert but a robber still. Thou hast the flower in -thy hand! - -IDEAL. - -Oh, I have treasured it; yet will I return to thee the pink. ’Tis thy -property. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, keep the flower, if thou lovest it so. - -IDEAL. - -Ay, then I’ll think it had its birth ’neath twilight’s violet sky. - -VIOLET. - -Think not too lightly of the flower; ’tis most rare,--grown from a seed -found in the tomb of an Egyptian mummy. She was an ancient princess who -died in the flower of her youth from love ill requited: so reads the -antique parchment entombed with her,--a legend pitiful and true; but -then, ’twas three thousand years ago. - -IDEAL. - -Love has grown more constant since then. - -VIOLET. - -I hope thou wouldst not jest at love? - -IDEAL. - -Nay, not I. I’d sooner jest at all fair properties in heaven and earth -than jest at love. - -VIOLET. - -’Tis a flower of ancient lineage. I planted it with mine own hands, and -watched it grow. What joy I felt to see it grow, I ne’er can tell. When -first its tender bud beseeched the sky, it was athirst; I brought it -water from a crystal spring. From simple bud to leafy stalk it grew, and -then the petals formed, giving sweet promise of a flower; till -yesternight from its green husk the perfect blossom bloomed, and I did -shed a tear upon it, thinking of that poor princess. - -IDEAL. - -Dost think her spirit lives in heaven? - -VIOLET. - -That do I most truly. I would not that thou thought’st differently. Thou -couldst not be so cruel! - -IDEAL. - -Thy simple story moves me beyond the power of prayer. Now that the -flower buried with her doth live, let it bequeath a legacy of love most -true and constant to our hearts; so shall the princess from beyond see -within our lives a perfect love wrought by her most heavenly agency. And -here [_kneeling_], on bended knee, by thy dear hand that’s clasped in -mine, I vow, by all the subtle bonds that nature placed within the world -to bind us to the truth, to love thee ever. - -VIOLET. - -Rise; thou art the planet of my maiden firmament. I do believe thee. My -vow is linked with thine most sweetly and inseparably. - -IDEAL. - -Thy words are bright flowers, whose subtle sweets I do extract and hide -away. Ay, I shall live on them when thou art absent, as the patient bee -lives on his hoarded store in winter. - -VIOLET. - -I hope thou speakest truly as thou dost fairly, for thou speakest as a -poet doth, and I have heard,--but pardon me; I’ll not quote the idle -gossip. - -IDEAL. - -I pray thee, do. - -VIOLET. - -Well, then, to heed thy prayer. I’ve heard it rumored that poets, in -their grammar, all the moods of love do conjugate in swift succession. - -IDEAL. - -I’ll prove to thee that gossip is untrue. - -VIOLET. - -I’ve heard that they are variable; that they contract the four seasons -into the compass of a day,--call the morning spring, the forenoon -summer, the afternoon autumn, and the evening oft the depth of winter; -that they in idle ways say thus: Why, prithee, this forenoon, being in -love beneath the equator, I felt the fervent sun impart his fever to the -earth; but to-night, alack! being out of love, Lapland hath no denizen -colder than I. I pray thou wilt not treat me so. - -IDEAL. - -By Heaven, ’tis a scandal! I’d have thee try me. Use pique, jest, -coldness, stratagem, and all the dire weapons in a maid’s armory to try -her lover, and if, knowing thou art true, I do not in all love’s humors -love thee still, why then-- - -VIOLET. - -Yes, why then-- - -IDEAL. - -Why, then, I’ll return to dust. - -VIOLET. - -Alack! that would be unkind. - -IDEAL. - -Nay, try me. - -VIOLET. - -Perchance I may. [_Aside_] But only for a moment. [_Aloud_] How high’s -the sun, pray? - -IDEAL [_looking at his watch_]. - -I’ll be precise, and timely guard my answer. ’Tis nigh unto five -o’clock; the minute-hand lacks one, the second-hand-- - -VIOLET. - -Stop, stop! thou outspeedest Time himself. How desperately thou rushest -from the hour to the minute hand--from thence there is but a fraction of -time to the second hand, which I take to be not a good token; for thou -hadst but a minute ago my hand, and yet thus swiftly thou wouldst -approach a second hand. - -IDEAL. - -Shall we have no watches with second hands? - -VIOLET. - -I’ll have no merchandising. Thou a poet and a lover, and lookest at thy -watch to tell the sun’s height! Alas! put up thy watch; lovers do not -time themselves by watches. Thou wouldst not so at night register the -moon’s height; but upon a pressing question, How high’s the moon? -wouldst answer, A little higher than yonder rose-bush, if the moon rose -late; or, perchance, A little higher than yonder tree-top, if the moon -rose early. The sun’s as fine to me by day as the moon by night. Poetry -doth not steal away at dawn of day. But thou must go; good-by for a -moment. [_Looks up the orchard path._] Nay, good-by for all day, for I -do spy my guardian uncle. - -IDEAL. - -Dreams do not end but oft begin at dawn. Give me leave to walk with thee -at midday in the Glen of Ferns. - -VIOLET. - -High noon must be high dream-time when poets love. Await me there -to-morrow. - -IDEAL. - -High noon will brighter grow when thou dost come. - -[_Exit_ IDEAL. - -VIOLET. - -As fair spoken a robbery as e’er the sun shone upon. A fair and gallant -robber, too, who robs me of my heart in broad daylight, detected in the -very act by his own watch. I made the robber tell the hour and minute, -so that in any court no cruel alibi could lie. I’m fain to think I’ll -ne’er again detect so fine a robber. Who’s he? What’s he? I know not, I -care not. I would not ask that question rude and mercenary. I do but -know he’s the most gentle gentleman I e’er did meet. Oh, if this be -love, ’tis very kind and sweet! - -NORTHLAKE [_afar in the orchard, calls_]. - -Violet! - -VIOLET. - -’Tis very strange, for I have heard in sundry rhymes, and good rhymes -too, that moonlit eves were the only seasons suited for robberies so -thinly veiled as this. Why, my own heart doth beat as if there were two -hearts within, and I had gained another rather than lost my own. How can -it be? But gently,--I’ll not argue the question; ’tis much too deep and -sweet for idle questioning. Sweet argument, wait for my uncle. - -NORTHLAKE [_afar, calls_]. - -Violet! - -VIOLET. - -Why, I forgot to ask his name! I could not call him did I wish to, and I -might wish, being affrighted. Yet he shall not want so simple a matter; -I’ll give him a name. I’ll call him [_commandingly_] Oliver! -[_Entreatingly_] Oliver! thy Violet calls thee. [_Indifferently_] -Oliver! I do not like the name, ’tis too round. - -NORTHLAKE [_afar_]. - -What, ho, Violet! - -VIOLET. - -I’ll call him Peter. What, ho [_piquantly_], Peter! ’Tis too piercing; -I’ll none of it. Let me think: I’ll call him [_slowly_] Daniel! Dost -hear me [_inquiringly slow_], Daniel? I like it no better than the -first. ’Tis too long. - -NORTHLAKE [_nearer_]. - -Where art thou, Violet? - -VIOLET. - -I’ll call him--yes, I’ll call him Joseph. [_Tenderly_] Joseph! wilt thou -not come? Thy Violet calls thee. No, no, ’tis a mistake; I’ll not call -him Joseph,--’tis too, too flat. I’ll call him--let me see--I’ll call -him a name borne by none other, oft dreamed by me, but never met until -this morn. I’ll call him my Ideal, my dear, dear Ideal. - -NORTHLAKE [_very near_]. - -Violet! Where can the maiden be? [_Enter_ NORTHLAKE.] I surely saw her -going down the orchard path. [_Discovers_ VIOLET.] Why, there thou art! -Why didst thou not answer me? - -VIOLET. - -Didst thou call me? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Did I call thee? Why, if I called once, I called thee twenty times. I’m -almost hoarse with calling. Why art thou out at break of day? One might -almost think thou wast in love, to rise so early. - -Violet [_aside_]. - -That am I. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Thy lover comes to-day. - -VIOLET [_aside_]. - -I wonder if he knows! - -NORTHLAKE. - -He’s rich, a thorough business man and solid gentleman. - -VIOLET. - -I don’t like solid gentlemen. Who is he? - -NORTHLAKE. - -A princely merchant in the West, and owner of banks, mills, stores, -houses, and lands. Thou shalt have a list of it all made for thee on -satin. Profits of business are five hundred thousand a year. Think of -it! thy wedding-dresses of white satin! - -VIOLET [_abstractedly_]. - -Shall I have five hundred thousand dresses of white satin a year? - -NORTHLAKE. - -No, no; thou hast mixed the profits of the business with the number of -dresses. - -VIOLET. - -Are the profits of the business five hundred thousand white satin -dresses a year? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Stop, now; this shall all be explained after thou art married. - -VIOLET. - -But I’ll have it explained before I’m married. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Be patient, Violet. He will woo thee properly, and explain all things. I -am to meet him at the Dolphin Inn to-day. He’ll be in a very good humor -at my account of thee. - -VIOLET. - -I’m well enough without his good humor. Pray, what’s his name? - -NORTHLAKE. - -A merchant prince, the Honorable Hercules Whetstone, Mayor of Cornville. - -VIOLET [_laughing_]. - -What a name! Ha! ha! Couldst thou not add something to it? ’Tis too -short. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Thou wilt be added to it. - -VIOLET. - -That will I not be. - -NORTHLAKE. - -What’s this,--rebellion? Who’s been here? Hast thou seen any one in this -orchard? - -VIOLET. - -No one but my Ideal. - -NORTHLAKE. - -That’s too insubstantial. - -VIOLET. - -More substantial than thou dreamest. - -NORTHLAKE. - -I’d think thou wast bewitched by love, did I not know thou never hadst a -lover. - -VIOLET. - -That was true yesterday; but to-day! [_Sighing_] Ah, well-a-day! - -NORTHLAKE. - -Thou speakest truly. Thou hast a lover now, and before the night passes -thou shalt see him. - -VIOLET. - -Shall I? - -NORTHLAKE. - -He’ll be weary from his travels, and to-day, no doubt, will require -rest; but he’ll meet thee to-night at the masked ball. Come, then, to -the villa, so that to-night thou mayst appear refreshed. - -VIOLET. - -I’m not weary. Oh, that sweet, sweet tree! - -NORTHLAKE. - -Why, what’s in that tree? ’Tis but an orchard tree. - -VIOLET. - -I’ll wager thee, ’twill bear sweet fruit. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Why, what a fever thou art in! - -VIOLET. - -I’m not in a fever. A child that never ventured in the fields may know a -blossom when it sees it. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Come, thy maid, Ninon, has risen, and awaits thee. Thy feet are damp -with morning dew from the grass. - -VIOLET. - -The dew of love is in my heart; and that’s not damp. - -NORTHLAKE. - -This comes of teaching thee, from childhood, philosophy in my melancholy -moods. I’ll never again teach thee philosophy, though I be as melancholy -as Democritus, since thou dost use the philosophy I teach thee against -thine uncle and teacher, instead of against the world. - -VIOLET. - -For the good philosophy thou didst teach me, I’ll love thee all my days. -But, uncle, is this marriage good? ’Twere not good, ’twere not -philosophical. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Alas, dear Violet! [_Aside_] If she but knew! [_Aloud_] I cannot give -thee thy dues except by this marriage. Thou wast my favorite sister’s -only child; and when she left thee and thy fortune to my guardianship, I -promised to protect thy fortune, and watch over thee even as my own -daughter. Now I will get thee a good husband; for he’s rich, and a solid -gentleman. - -VIOLET. - -Who’s a solid gentleman? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Why, the Honorable Hercules Whetstone. - -VIOLET. - -Oh, puzzle thy Whetstone! - -NORTHLAKE. - -I fear thou’lt puzzle him, Violet. But never mind; come, come now. - -VIOLET. - -Oh, thou sweet tree; I cannot leave thee! - -NORTHLAKE. - -Why, there must be some witchery in that tree! I’ll have it cut down and -burnt. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, good uncle, thou wouldst not have the tree cut down. ’Tis a good -and thrifty tree that never did harm to any one, and therefore I love -the tree. [_Takes his arm._] Dear uncle, do not cut it down. Thou art a -good, dear uncle, and I will go with thee; and thou wilt let the tree -live. - -NORTHLAKE [_going_]. - -Well, then, come, come! I’ll let the tree live. - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE II.--_A pavilion, with view of the sea. Forenoon._ - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE, BLUEGRASS, and SCYTHE. - -SCYTHE. - -Who knows but, in the chemistry of Heaven, we, this noble race of men, -are but parasites feeding in space upon a crust of earth encompassing a -fiery particle! - -BLUEGRASS. - -What a glorious thing is one of our ordinary mundane cycles of time! -’Tis only a day; and yet it is a legacy too great for the richest man to -put in his will. Let no one be so brazen as to attempt to belittle this -magnificent star of ours. - -WHETSTONE. - -Hold! Professor Scythe, is that the so-called sea? - -SCYTHE [_examining it with his glass_]. - -Yonder liquid and corrugated mass is the rumpled outskirts of the sea. -In our scientific formula, it is the correlation of a mighty power. - -WHETSTONE [_taking glass and examining_]. - -I can believe you. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hercules Whetstone, patron of the arts and sciences, founder and -president of the Cornville Academy as a paying investment, and nourisher -of its infant civilization, proprietor of the Cornville Eagle-- - -WHETSTONE. - -One moment, Major Bluegrass: that will do for the home market, but not -among strangers. I’ve given you both a summer vacation, so that you may -enjoy yourselves, and work harder when you return. Now, look around, -store up knowledge, and--I won’t deduct the time from your salaries. -That’s business. But you must be more particular about my titles. Always -speak of me to strangers as the Honorable Mayor Hercules Whetstone, the -Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the capital of Illinois,--called -Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the Indians down the -Mississippi. Do you follow me? - -BLUEGRASS, SCYTHE. - -We do. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Oh, why was I so long pent up in the heart of a continent? I can remain -on land no longer. - -SCYTHE [_taking out his note-book and writing_]. - -Item,--this is important. Major Bluegrass, long pent up in the heart of -the American continent, upon his first sight of the sea wishes to swim. -This is of great scientific value, as it shows the recurrence, after -long deprivation, of an inherited pre-Adamite instinct; for we read that -Adam walked, but never that he swam, therefore are we driven to the -waters for evidence. It proves the origin of man from the oyster, or -some more ancient inhabitant of the sea. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I am no fish, nor ever was. I’d rather spring from a rainbow than a -pond. - -SCYTHE. - -A pond is your rainbow come to earth. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I must swim. Oh, Mayor Whetstone, let us all swim! - -SCYTHE [_writing in his note-book_]. - -The pre-Adamite instinct in the presence of its primary environment -manifests increasing ratio. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Professor, take your increasing ratio and slide down to the imponderable -roots of the sea. I must get out of this prison of clothes, and into the -water. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, try to feel comfortable with your clothes on, for you’d soon be -imprisoned without them. - -BLUEGRASS. - -No dungeon of clothes can hold me! What a lofty repose comes over me as -I survey yon glittering expanse of water, like a blue field of -undulating velvet! A tear of joy I give to thee, O mighty sea! - -SCYTHE [_writing in his note-book_]. - -Item,--he returns a saline tear to the sea, in memory of his pre-Adamite -ancestor. This is the pre-Raphaelism of natural selection. - -WHETSTONE. - -You are my scientist, my threefold Professor of three chairs,--natural -science, hygiene, and agriculture,--in my Cornville Academy. Now, to -create a money-making hunger for science at the Academy we must -popularize it. Therefore, give me the scientific facts about the sea in -a popular sort of way, so that all may understand and enjoy them. - -SCYTHE. - -Its remote abysses are inhabited by the mammoths of natural history and -evolutionary philosophy; and vast herds of sea-cattle graze upon its -marine meadows, like buffaloes upon the prairies. In fact, our prairies -were once the bottom of the sea, and the buffaloes were supposed to have -been left when the waters receded. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Your marine buffaloes must wear anchors around their necks, instead of -cow-bells. - -SCYTHE. - -Not so. Nature always provides for her creatures; for, as birds soaring -above the mountain-tops have great wings of feathers, so, on the other -hand, these cattle have immense hoofs, of a substance resembling lead, -but much heavier than the lead of commerce. - -WHETSTONE. - -That adds to their commercial value. Major Bluegrass, you’re my private -secretary, and editor of my Cornville Eagle: what do you know about the -sea? - -BLUEGRASS. - -I only know what I want to see: I want to see the sport the mermaids see -down in their prismatic sea homes, drinking out of beautiful sea-shells, -while pearls drop at their iridescent feet. Oh, Hercules Whetstone, you -are rich! Get me a diving-bell. I’ll interview the mermaids for the -benefit of the Eagle, scoop our rival, the Hawkeye Observer, and send up -the Eagle’s circulation ten thousand. - -WHETSTONE. - -Blue thunder, Major, be calm! Ever since we arrived here you’ve been as -excited as if you expected to see a drove of fairies and hobgoblins jump -out of every bush and dance in the air. - -SCYTHE. - -He may have caught the infection of the season: for it is now the -so-called fairies’ season of drolleries and bewitchments. It was a -delusion of the ancients, and yet it had some scientific basis,--for -science shows that this full summer tide heightens and ripens the -natural dispositions of men, so that what is most natural in them often -seems most strange. - -WHETSTONE. - -Professor, examine his hygiene, and see if he needs any medicine. - -SCYTHE [_feeling his pulse_]. - -What’s this? Why, this pulse beneath my finger is the alarm-bell of a -disordered system! Open wide your eyes. [_Looking into his eye._] What a -distended foresight have we here! The pupil of the eye is dilated like -an owl’s. - -BLUEGRASS. - -The owl stands for wisdom. - -SCYTHE. - -Silence! Hold out your tongue! [_He opens his mouth._] It has an -overcoat with a high color. [_Taking out a thermometer._] The -temperature is seventy-two outside [_taking the temperature under his -tongue_], and inside, under the shade of the tongue, it is ninety-nine -and nine-tenths. Why, we are approaching spontaneous combustion! -[_Feeling his forehead._] And your forehead is as hot as a volcano. -Mayor Whetstone, you may in a few hours lose your private secretary. - -WHETSTONE. - -I cannot afford to lose him yet; save him, Professor, save him! - -SCYTHE. - -I will obey. The unimpeachable symptoms indicate hypothetical -impoverishment of the blood, complicated by a highly inflamed excitation -of the nerve-tissues. We must at once build up an iron constitution. - -WHETSTONE. - -Build him up, Professor, he’s too sensitive; make an ironclad man of -him, like myself. Give him ribs of iron. - -SCYTHE [_presenting two pills_]. - -Here are two pills of iron. I’m an Eclectic. This in my right hand is -the mammoth shell of the Allopathic school, and this in my left, -balanced upon a point of my little finger, and no larger than a solitary -grain of mustard-seed, is a fine shot of the Homœopathic school. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I don’t choose either of your schools. I belong to the Hydropathic -school. - -WHETSTONE. - -He who will not swallow a school of medicine to save his life, must be -made to do so. Here, Professor, while I hold him, give him a schooling. - -[_They try to give_ BLUEGRASS _an iron pill_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Friends, have you no philopena? Give me no pill of iron. May you ne’er -sleep with down within your pillow! Oh! put me in a pillory, but put no -pill in me. Oh! [_They succeed in giving him a pill._] I’m pilled; the -iron has entered my system; how very hard I’ll soon lie down upon my -little pillow. And thou, hard Whetstone, thus to sharpen Scythe to mow -me down! Cæsar was stabbed by the iron daggers of the conspirators, but -I am slugged by an iron bolus from the hands of my friends. This is -ironical. Alas! I am a pundit; for as a typical representative of the -pun, e’en while the iron was in my heart I have doubly punn’d it. - -SCYTHE. - -The iron that enters your blood gives life, not death. Thus does modern -science show her supremacy over ancient passion. - -BLUEGRASS. - -You speak well. I’m better now. I acquit you both, and greet you as my -friends. [_They all shake hands._] What a weird place for a marine poem! -Would that a seamaid I might be made to see! - -WHETSTONE. - -Hold on; I have it. - -SCYTHE. - -What? - -WHETSTONE. - -Sea-cattle, Professor: they live? - -SCYTHE. - -Most profoundly! Among wild cattle are the sea-lion, sea-elephant, -sea-unicorn-- - -WHETSTONE. - -Stop! We must get a so-called unicorn for the Cornville Aquarium. - -SCYTHE. - -Among domestic cattle, vast droves of sea-pigs--in our inland -nomenclature called porpoises--appear upon its surface when the sea -boils, before a storm; and sea-calves, sea-cows, and sea-oxen roam its -salt sea pastures. - -BLUEGRASS. - -This is the romance of science. - -WHETSTONE. - -We must land them! - -SCYTHE. - -What do you purpose to do with the porpoises and other sea-cattle? - -WHETSTONE. - -How little you know of the grand possibilities of business! Why, I’ll -build up a new industry on these shores. I am the Merchant Prince of -Cornville. Here I’ll be a sea-cattle king; I’ll make a fresh fortune in -my gigantic monster emporium for salted sea-cattle. And now to the -Dolphin Inn, where I’m to meet Northlake. Then for business by the sea. - -[_Exeunt._ - - - - -Act the Second. - - -SCENE I.--_On the seashore. Afternoon._ - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE, BLUEGRASS, _and_ SCYTHE. - -WHETSTONE. - -Well, boys, I’ve seen Northlake, and we’ve all had a good dinner. A good -dinner is also a good romance. Never despise money. Do you follow me? - -BLUEGRASS, SCYTHE. - -We do. - -WHETSTONE. - -Then let us come to business at once. I’ve brought you out here to have -a consultation, and to get your opinion on certain things, each in his -own department of learning, according to the salaries I pay you. I’ve -arranged to do a fine piece of business. I’m a man of business, and I’m -a man in love. I’m in love with my business, and I’ll make a business of -my love. Professor, how should a man dress to be a so-called lover? - -SCYTHE. - -That depends; but this is true: He that loves is like a traveller -between the north and south poles, and he will need different suits of -clothing, and philosophy. - -BLUEGRASS. - -What an explanation! [_laughing_] ha-ha-ha! - -WHETSTONE. - -Professor, what is the laugh? - -SCYTHE. - -My analysis of the laugh is not yet completed, and I am now seeking to -produce the missing link. However, the juxtaposition of two incongruous -yet contemporaneous images in the mind is simultaneous with contrasting -and varying pressures upon the electrically charged nerves. These -varying pressures by reflex action cause the pleasurable action of the -muscles called the laugh. Let me illustrate. By varying and alternating -pressures upon the electrically charged nerves of the eye there is -presented to the mind the image of a lover caressing a maiden; and just -beyond, the one view overlapping the other, we see a donkey eating the -lover’s bouquet, and then [_laughing_] ha--ha--ha! - -BLUEGRASS. - -The donkey took the bouquet for an offering of beau’s hay. - -WHETSTONE. - -Be silent. No trifling with science! Professor, analyze me Violet. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I know! I’m at home in colors. - -WHETSTONE. - -Attention! We’re now in science. - -SCYTHE. - -The flower violet is the only organic substance in which science has -discovered a trace of gold. - -WHETSTONE. - -Gold and Violet found together,--good! Why, science is a fortune-teller. -Go on! - -SCYTHE. - -It is the most refrangible of the seven primary colors of the solar -spectrum. - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s refrangible? - -BLUEGRASS. - -I know! - -WHETSTONE. - -Steady there, Bluegrass! - -SCYTHE. - -Let me illustrate. You discover by a violet light a beautiful fish in -the water, and you wish to catch it. Now, you must throw your hook, -dart, or net, not directly at it, but a considerable space this side, -according to the depth. - -WHETSTONE. - -That’s fishing under difficulties. Do you mean to say that a man can’t -see straight in a violet light? - -BLUEGRASS. - -I know! let me explain. - -WHETSTONE. - -Listen to the Professor! - -SCYTHE. - -Violet light passing from one medium into another of a different density -becomes most refractory, and turned out of a direct course at an angle: -in other words, you must angle for your fish. See my Tables on Molecular -Structure, Density, etc., determined by angles of refraction. - -WHETSTONE. - -So if I get the hang of the angles and depth, I’m all right, am I? - -SCYTHE. - -In a scientific sense, you are. - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, ho! then I’m pretty well posted on Violet. Now for the next point: -Professor, what is love? - -SCYTHE. - -With the passionless precision of science, I say unto you, Mayor -Whetstone, though she you love is the most symmetrical duplex pyramidal -aggregation of atoms in the human saccharine conglomeration, shun love, -and court science; for by spectroscopic analysis of the light proceeding -from the eyes of jealous lovers, I have seen their spleen turning a dark -green. - -WHETSTONE. - -I didn’t know it was so bad as that! Major, how do you regard love, from -the heights of romance? - -BLUEGRASS. - -A region of enchantment. - -WHETSTONE. - -Yonder valley with verdure clothed would be a capital place for my -emporium for porpoises, or so-called sea-pigs. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I implore you, Mayor Whetstone, do not project across my mental line of -sight that animal, either in its terrestrial or marine form. - -WHETSTONE. - -He fills his destiny to the full; and besides, he is the most -intelligent of animals. It is a historical fact that he was taught to -play whist fifty years before the clever dog. - -BLUEGRASS. - -He jars on the landscape, and is a discord amidst the dulcet harmony of -the waves. - -WHETSTONE. - -What would you have? The good pig eats all he can while he can; -therefore he eats like a pig. Major Bluegrass, let me hear no more of -your disparaging comments on the honest and assiduous pig,--the most -useful and business-like of all our domestic animals. He can nobly hold -up his head and represent corn converted. And while he turns the -cornfields into bank-notes, shall we blame him if he does not serenade -us with the notes of a silver flute? - -SCYTHE. - -I wish to make a moral observation upon a physical basis: Major, if the -formula of your destiny were identical with the pig’s, you would give -rise to more discordant vocalization than even that disgruntled animal. - -BLUEGRASS. - -He may be the most useful animal upon this magnificent star of ours; but -though his good points were as many as his bristles, they could not -excuse his shortcomings. The limited geographical prospects of his pen -should make him deeply contemplative of the stars; instead of which he -roots deeply in the earth. Hence he takes a step backwards, and, instead -of increasing his wit, he increases only his weight. - -SCYTHE. - -Man is like a reversed vegetable that has swallowed its roots and walked -off on its branches. Why, what is that at my feet? Let me pick it up -tenderly. Hurrah! I’ve got a geologic pebble! See, Mayor Whetstone, what -a rare, grand specimen for the prehistoric museum of the Cornville -Academy! - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s it worth? - -SCYTHE. - -Worth! Mercenary man! Let us reverently take off our hats in its -presence. It’s worth more than all the property in Cornville. See, -Major, see! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Put it in your pocket, or some one will claim it. - -SCYTHE. - -Unfeeling man! No one shall claim it. You saw me pick it up. You are my -witnesses. - -BLUEGRASS. - -To what geologic family does it belong? - -SCYTHE. - -It is a genuine relic of the cosmic dust. Hurrah! I’ve got a geologic -pebble! See the fluted sheets of color pervading its interior! It must -have been suspended in the pre-Adamite fires for ages. Gentlemen, -remember you have seen no meteors in the sky. - -[_Taking out his note-book and writing._ - -_Enter_ SMALL BOY, _crying_. - -BOY. - -Give me my marble! - -SCYTHE. - -Why, boy, this is no marble. ’Tis a very rare specimen of the dewdrop -form of crystallization, precipitated during the prevalence of the -primeval sand-storms, formed by the cooling of the stony vapors. - -BOY. - -Give me my marble, or I’ll call my mother! - -WHETSTONE. - -Professor, you may have picked up the wrong specimen. - -SCYTHE. - -There can be no mistake. Let me examine it with my microscope. -[_Examining it._] I clearly recognize the uniformity of its circular -strata of color, which could be formed only as it revolved on its own -incandescent axis in super-heated fires. Boy, look through this glass, -and then see if you have the youthful cheek to say it is--I tremble to -say it--your marble. - -BOY [_looking at it through the glass_]. - -That’s my colored marble; I was playing with it. [_To_ WHETSTONE _and_ -BLUEGRASS.] Make him give it back to me, won’t you? It has a nick and -the first letter of my name on it. - -SCYTHE [_surprisedly, re-examining it_]. - -Why, boy, I cannot afford an unscientific controversy with you or your -mother. Alas! take it. [_Giving marble to the_ BOY.] And when again you -play with it, remember-- [_Exit_ BOY, _hastily_.] Thus do my hopes of a -pre-Adamite museum wither. It was a unique specimen of the circular -group of crystallization dreamed of by science, but hitherto -undiscovered. Major, here comes your seamaid. - -_Enter_ CATHARINE _in disguise, with a basket of fish_. - -CATHARINE. - -Good afternoon, gentlemen landsmen! I have fish in my basket; will you -buy? I have your fortunes in my keeping; will you have them? - -BLUEGRASS. - -I salute you, by the sea, as a near relative in the fields of romance to -the milking-maid of our inland pastures. - -CATHARINE. - -I take you to be landsmen, and, therefore, good fresh men. I am a -fortune-teller with varied fortunes. Each summer, for a month, to these -shores I come to renew and perfect the spirit’s vision, which, even like -natural sight, is cleared by good free air and sunshine; and as men with -glasses have seen ten hundred living things upon a pin’s point, so I, -with spiritual lenses, have seen the past, present, and future, each in -proper order, marshalled upon a space no larger than a spectacle glass. - -WHETSTONE. - -Pardon me,--your name and home? - -CATHARINE. - -My name is Catharine, and my home is wherever I am. I come from the -city, where there are more sharks in one day than you will see here in a -year, and where people in despair come to me for the fortune fate has -denied them. I am more pitiful than fate; and their pleased looks give -me a joy greater than does their pittance. Hence, poor souls, I give -them precious pictures of future good, which, believing in, they -achieve, and thus their griefs assuage. - -BLUEGRASS. - -We all, to-day, bear our fortunes lightly. - -CATHARINE. - -And may you at nightfall bear them as lightly! Fine weather makes quick -friends. Come, then, gentlemen, will you buy? Each one in his own humor. -If there be a true merchant among you, I will tempt him with the fish’s -weight; if there be a moralist, with the fish’s moral; if there be a -scientist, with the fish’s complicated structure; if there be a poet, -with the fish’s most poetical history; if there be a gourmand, with the -fish’s flavor. Each one shall see in the fish he buys, his own humor. He -shall have both weight and moral; for a good moral without weight is -immoral, and a good weight without a good moral is a dull measure. You -shall pay me for the weight, for that the fish had in the sea; but for -the moral, that is in my humor, and gain has taken a vacation. Every one -has his pastime, and no one is so poor but he has his humor. Mine is to -see men buy a fish, each in his own humor; for by the fish’s scales will -I weigh him. - -SCYTHE. - -How came your hair so white at your age? - -CATHARINE. - -With losing of my husband, and giving of good fortunes. But come, -gentlemen; fair weather makes quick friends, but unfair questions, like -unfair weather, part them. Will you buy? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Let us buy. - -WHETSTONE. - -Let us first learn the price of the fish. - -BLUEGRASS. - -It sounds to me like a romance. Come, let us all sit here in pleasant -converse; the night is afar, and while we buy we’ll enjoy the aroma of -the salt-sea zephyrs blown from off the invisible flower-beds of the -sea. - -WHETSTONE. - -Stop your perpetual romance! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Romance that is not perpetual, but goes by fits and starts, is not worth -the reality it feeds upon. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’d put the price on everything,--trees, fences, houses, the baby’s -rattle, and in its first primer a price-list of its expenses. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hercules Whetstone, Mayor of Cornville, there are some things upon this -magnificent star of ours that are not in the market,--things so high -that you cannot reach and put a price upon them in the cold-blooded -shambles of merchandise. - -WHETSTONE. - -There you go again, trying to throw star-dust in your benefactor’s eyes. -Oh, why did I make you editor of my Cornville Eagle? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Because your Eagle was asleep, and I was the only one who could wake him -up and make him soar into a higher circulation. He looked like a whipped -buzzard that had dulled his talons upon old newspapers; but I put new -life into him; and now that I have made you the proprietor of a -newspaper which is a household word, and which will be in every -scholar’s library at the close of human learning, you scoff at me. Such -is glory in a commercial age! Columbus may discover, but the merchant -Americus gives his name to two continents. - -SCYTHE. - -Good woman, some undesirable chemical change may take place in your -fish. I would advise you to put some salt on them. I am a chemist. - -CATHARINE. - -The fish are dead; they cannot hear. - -SCYTHE. - -Mayor Whetstone, why do you not change the Eagle to the Hawkeye Review -of Western Science? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Strip that proud bird of his plumage, and in less than seven revolutions -of this magnificent star of ours he will have fewer followers than a -vanquished rooster. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, I cannot resist you. You are my true, my great and only editor. -Give me your hand; let us be friends. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Now let us go on with our romance. [_To_ CATHARINE.] Bring on your fish! - -CATHARINE. - -There are as queer fish inside as outside the basket, I’ll warrant you. -[_She presents the basket to_ WHETSTONE; _he selects a codfish_.] That -is a fish in weight and look of much import,--the codfish. He is an -aristocrat among the shoals and schools, and he has done much to build -up our own aristocracy. [_She presents the basket to_ SCYTHE, _and he -selects a Holothurian_.] - -SCYTHE. - -Why, madam, this is a rare fish, a Holothurian, vulgarly called a -sea-cucumber, from its resemblance to that common garden vegetable. I’ll -mount its skeleton at once. It is the fish of science, and has the power -of analysis; for ’tis written that when attacked, for self-protection it -will divide itself into many pieces, or turn itself inside out. - -_She presents the basket to_ BLUEGRASS, _and he selects a flying-fish_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -How beautiful! - -CATHARINE. - -Yes, ’tis a flying-fish, which, rising above the heavy and obscurer -element of its kind, and using its fins as wings, in aërial courses, -sparkling like a jewel, beholds the glittering and sunlit scenery of the -upper air. There is much similarity between these excursions and the -poet’s fancies. And as these lower creatures in their airy flights -excite the wonderment of fishes and please men, so may human excursions -in the higher element of fancy excite the wonderment of men and please -the gods. - -BLUEGRASS [_in admiration_]. - -Madam, consider yourself engaged as sea-side correspondent of the -Cornville Eagle: topic, sea-fish and their morals. Please accept my -card, and draw upon me for a month’s salary. - -[_Gives his card._ - -SCYTHE [_writing in his note-book_]. - -Item,--this is important. In evolution, the grasshopper sprang from the -flying-fish. - -WHETSTONE. - -What birds are those flying above the waves and darting like flying -squirrels? - -CATHARINE. - -They are the larks of the sea, and in the wake of a ship are wider awake -than your land larks. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Madam, with your permission,--upon the first streak of dawn our common -meadow-lark has been known to climb the heavenly vaults above this -magnificent star of ours like a morning-glory of song. - -WHETSTONE. - -Professor Scythe, explain. - -SCYTHE [_examining the birds with his glass_]. - -Leaving, for a moment, grave mysteries of the deep upon the floor of the -abysmal sea, we ascend to trace in the flight of a simple bird its name -and family. The wings of the bird are the pre-Adamite forefeet of an -animal which, through ceaseless efforts of evolution, became crowned -with feathers. From the movements of these feathered forefeet we can -tell all about the bird. Now, Mayor Whetstone, take this glass. [_He -gives glass to_ WHETSTONE, _who follows the movements of the bird with -it_.] Now watch closely the parabola of dip or curve of flight that puts -it in the great family of web-footed water-fowls. See the unwavering -scoop, the practiced and web-footed ease with which it grazes a wave. We -have before us a genuine sea-gull. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, put that in the Eagle, and see how it looks in print. Something’s -bitten me! it must be one of your sea-fleas. - -[_Looking up his sleeve._ - -BLUEGRASS. - -Sea-flea; do you see it? - -CATHARINE. - -To see a flea, you must flee the sea,--unless perchance you may see a -deep-sea flea such as I have at the bottom of my basket. [_Takes out a -lobster._] This is the wicked flea the fisherman pursues. He will give a -biting relish to your codfish. - -[_Offers lobster to_ WHETSTONE, _who draws back_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Is he dead? - -CATHARINE. - -Such is his seeming. - -WHETSTONE. - -What a monster! [_Observing the lobster._] Professor, what’s his -scientific history? - -SCYTHE [_weariedly_]. - -I don’t know. - -WHETSTONE. - -Don’t know! Professor, it cost me a heap of money to build my nursery of -learning, the Cornville Academy, and I’m going to make it the biggest -paying institution on this broad continent. I’ve advertised you in -letters big as fence-posts as our own prided prince of science, engaged -at an enormous salary. There are already applications for next term from -over five hundred anxious fathers of wonderful sons. Can I afford to -disappoint them? No. Can you stand there and calmly tell me you cannot -give me so simple a thing as the history of a deep-sea flea? - -SCYTHE [_looking at lobster with his glass_]. - -In the race for life, he first made his appearance in the epoch of the -mammoth, anterior to the gigantic antediluvians, before the apparition -of man upon the earth, and at a season in the progressive series of -pre-Adamite evolution soon after the separation of the crocodile branch -from the main stem, about forty-five millions of years ago. - -WHETSTONE. - -Astonishing! so long as that? - -SCYTHE. - -I will not in detail give his scientific biography. It is sufficient -that during this period he gorged himself with the blood of these -primeval mammoths, which accounts for his size, and often, frenzied by -the harrowing appetite of this parasite, these gigantic and prehistoric -brutes made the primeval forests for a hundred miles ring with their -helpless bellowings. But I will not further excite your pity for the -remote ages. - -WHETSTONE. - -Go on, Professor, go on! - -SCYTHE. - -This was the summer of his race; but, alas! then came the glacial -period. He was frozen up with the mammoths, and remained so for probably -twenty millions of years; but such was his tenacity of life, that when -the world thawed out, he again appeared, his skin somewhat hardened by -exposure,--a fact which you will recognize,--but otherwise cheerful, and -in his usual health. Well may his kind be grateful; for, wrapped in ice -for æons of time, he was the slender thread upon which their future -hung. - -WHETSTONE. - -But why did he take to the sea? - -SCYTHE. - -After the apparition of man upon the earth he was driven into the sea by -the excited inhabitants. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, this is truly wonderful. The Academy will succeed. - -BLUEGRASS. - -’Tis the very romance of science. - -WHETSTONE. - -But, Professor, what was the glacial period? - -SCYTHE. - -Well, sir, the glacial period was an epoch when, from a business point -of view, ice was cheaper than dirt. Had the apparition then occurred, -man could have gone all over the globe on skates. But as it was a vast -ball of ice, he would probably have slipped off into space, and nothing -more would have been heard of him. And so this star of ice for countless -ages rolled on through the sky like a big snow-ball; but at last the -great electric sun struck the earth on the equator, which accounts for -the equatorial bulge which exists to this day. Then commenced the -greatest drama of the elements ever witnessed upon our planet. The vast -ice-fields were riven in twain, with terrific reports which reverberated -through the heavenly spaces, and to which our present thunder is but as -an elemental whisper. Icebergs formed, and in fantastic and sublime -shapes, towering mountain high and illuminated by the sun, floated down -towards the equator. - -WHETSTONE. - -Go on, don’t stop; go on. - -SCYTHE. - -Then commenced the great oscillation of the land-masses; then the -eruptive rocks and sedimentary strata were moved from their foundations. -Then occurred the geologic epoch of the denudation and washdown of hills -and mountains, and then were formed the ocean floors, the islands, and -the continental areas which we inhabit. - -WHETSTONE. - -Put that in the Eagle. [_The lobster clings to him._] Hello! What’s the -matter now? Professor! Major! Woman! Take off your flea! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Be a hero! - -WHETSTONE. - -Great thunder! take him off. He has claws to his eyes. [_Takes off his -coat, with the lobster clinging to it._] Major, this is your fault. -Don’t speak to me again until you apologize. Come, Professor. - - [_Exeunt_ SCYTHE _and_ WHETSTONE _carrying his coat with lobster - clinging to it_. - -CATHARINE. - -Fair is your prairie wit, and these sea-scenes have keen spices which -well try its mettle. He that is young and fresh shall have the salt of -experience. Many that come here to be salted by the sea are seasoned by -love. Would you be so seasoned? - -BLUEGRASS. - -If it be a fair, good seasoning. - -CATHARINE. - -At yonder villa by the sea I well know Mademoiselle Ninon, a French maid -who is in friendly service to one Violet. She has a dainty wit, with a -foreign flavor that will season you well. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Acquaint us. I would be so seasoned. - -CATHARINE. - -To-day she comes that I may tell her fortune. Be at the masquerade -to-night; wear a blue ribbon,--there you shall meet her. Trust me. Fare -thee well. - -[_Exit_ CATHARINE. - -BLUEGRASS. - -This is genuine romance. ’Tis sweeter than ambrosia. Oh, why was I so -long pent up in the heart of a continent? Farewell, dull facts of -business which have stung me sharper than thistles. Roll on, magnificent -star, and bring night and romance. - -[_Exit._ - - -SCENE II.--_Portico of the Dolphin Inn._ - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ BLUEGRASS _in conversation_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Northlake is a most melancholy man. I believe if he had a warehouse full -of anchors, and the market for anchors was booming, he’d be hopelessly -unhappy. Said I to him, to-day: Northlake, don’t look so confoundedly -gloomy; cheer up! the day I marry your niece Violet, you shall have five -hundred thousand dollars. - -BLUEGRASS. - -His villa looks like the residence of a prince. - -WHETSTONE. - -So it does; but it is covered with a mortgage from cellar to roof. One -month ago Northlake was a rich man, but, leaving his books and plunging -into speculation, he lost not only his fortune, but also that of his -niece Violet, who is an orphan, and whose fortune was intrusted to his -keeping. Her loss seems to trouble him most. - -BLUEGRASS. - -When did you become acquainted with him? - -WHETSTONE. - -Last summer, when they were travelling in the West. I had some business -with him, and I then got a glance at his niece. I have since -corresponded with him. When I met him to-day he had a book in his hand. -I asked him, What’s that book? He replied, It’s a work on speculative -philosophy. Said I, Throw it away, and study the market quotations and -crops; that’s the kind of speculative philosophy you need. - -BLUEGRASS. - -What did he say to that? - -WHETSTONE. - -He opened his book and commenced reading. Said I: Close your book. I -don’t understand it, and I don’t want to. I’ve made you a business -proposition that’s worth more than all your books. I’ve got the booty, -and you’ve got the beauty. Is it a trade? - -_Enter_ PUNCH, _who tries to overhear the conversation_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -How did that impress him? - -WHETSTONE. - -He replied, You shall have her, but you must first woo her as a tender -and gallant lover should, and thus win also her dower of tenderness and -fancy. - -BLUEGRASS. - -How did that strike you? - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, said I, I’ll show my good points. I’m rich, noble, and good; she’ll -have me. - -BLUEGRASS. - -How did that affect him? - -WHETSTONE. - -Come, Whetstone, said he, you’re a practical man. The most practical man -in love is the most fanciful. Come to the masquerade to-night in a -heroic character.--And I’m going. - -BLUEGRASS. - -What kind of a hero will you assume to be? - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, any kind, just so it’s a hero. I can outdo any of them. - -BLUEGRASS [_perceiving_ PUNCH]. - -Hello! my friend, can you tell us where to get masquerade suits? - -PUNCH. - -Yonder, gentlemens. [_Pointing to a neighboring shop._] I recommends -him. He is a good neighbor and an honest man. Good day, gentlemens. - -[PUNCH _slips into his shop by a side door_. - -WHETSTONE [_reading the sign over the door_]. - -Peter Punch. Masquerade Suits and Unk-Weed Liniment. For sale or -rent.--That’s a queer sign! - -BLUEGRASS. - -They are well suited; for the liniment is a lining under the suits. - -[_They enter the shop by front door._ - - -SCENE III.--_A costumer’s shop._ PUNCH _arranging his costumes_. - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ BLUEGRASS. - -PUNCH. - -Walk into mine shop, gentlemens. You do me great honors. - -WHETSTONE. - -Are you not the same man we met outside? - -PUNCH. - -Did he say I was honest? - -WHETSTONE. - -You have it. - -PUNCH. - -Mine good friends, that was mine brother. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why, you have the same marks. What are you up to? - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, we were born twins; our own father couldn’t tell us apart. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Nature must have been in a proud mood when she duplicated you. - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s your name? - -PUNCH. - -Peter Punch. - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s your brother’s name? - -PUNCH. - -Peter Punch Number Two. We are twins; I swears it. Mine friends, these -are my beautiful suits; and in this bottle is the wonder of seven -hemispheres, the sublimely famous and justly celebrated unk-weed -liniment. By your firesides, rub it in well. With one wing of medicinal -gum, and the other of healing balsam, it flies to its proud home in the -bones. Gentlemens, rub it in well. There it works its marvels. This, -gentlemens, is the unk-weed art gallery [_pointing to two pictures_]. -This one is before taking; that one, after taking. Gentlemens, rub it on -your skins inside, and put one of my suits on the outside, and then you -do marvels. I swears it. - -WHETSTONE. - -Which do you sell or rent,--the suits, or the liniment? [PUNCH _winks an -eye_.] Why do you wink? - -PUNCH. - -Goodness gracious! you surprises me so. Mine eyelid slips down. -Gentlemens, I cannot rent the wonderful unk-weed. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Peter Punch, you are a compound fraction. Give your doctor fraction a -quick drop, and your tailor fraction a fresh seaming. We have good sound -characters, but you and your tailor’s goose may mend them. I wish to -cast upon a French maid a romantic spell, something in the aurora -borealis fashion. - -PUNCH. - -Gentlemens, I haven’t got it [_winking his eye_]. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Why do you wink? - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, it is my little weakness. I swears it. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Try to keep your blind up. It makes me suspicious that something wrong -is going on inside. Peter, have you a rainbow suit? - -PUNCH. - -Mine dear friend, I’ve just what will suit you. I made it for a -gentlemans just like you, but it rained and he didn’t call for it. - -BLUEGRASS. - -He was only a fair-weather beau; but I’ll be a rainbow as well. [PUNCH -_shows him the suit_.] That will suit. Now show me a mask. [PUNCH _shows -him a mask_.] Why, it has a nose upon it like a barn-gable. - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, a big nose makes a strong character [_laying his finger -along his nose_]. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Its cheeks are smooth as a boy’s. - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, how would a rainbow look with a beard on it? Oh, mine -friend! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Come out from under your disguise, Peter PUNCH. You have the eternal -fitness of things under your thumb, and that makes a good tailor and a -shrewd philosopher. - -PUNCH. - -I thank you, gentlemens. - -WHETSTONE. - -Show me some clothes worn by kings, princes, and potentates. - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, let me take your measure. [_He takes_ WHETSTONE’S _measure -with a tape-line_.] - -WHETSTONE. - -Do you think you can take my measure for a suitable character suit with -your puny tape-line? Put up your line, and search Flatpuddle Smith’s -Biography of Great Men,--although I must say there are in that book some -of the biggest measures of the littlest men on earth; and besides, old -Heavyweight, who made his fortune putting sand in sugar, is on the first -page. They asked for sugar, and he sandpapered them. It’ll go rough with -him. Peter Punch, listen to my measure. I’m a merchant prince, Mayor -Whetstone, from Cornville, near the capital of Illinois, called Hercules -after my grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the Indians down the -Mississippi. - -PUNCH [_presenting a robe_]. - -This is the robe that Julius Cæsar wore when he did thrice refuse the -crown up at the Capitol. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why did he refuse it? Didn’t it fit him? I don’t want that. - -PUNCH [_presenting a suit_]. - -This is a suit worn by a shepherd boy as he tends his flocks,--young -Norval’s suit. - -WHETSTONE. - -Confound you! Do you think I want to be a shepherd boy, and herd sheep? - -PUNCH [_presenting another suit_]. - -This is the suit of a Highlander. - -WHETSTONE. - -That’s high-sounding. Let me see it. What’s this? - -PUNCH. - -That goes around the waist like a petticoat. - -WHETSTONE. - -Where’s the other part? - -PUNCH. - -There is none. - -WHETSTONE. - -Take back your Highlander. [PUNCH _winks_.] Stop winking! - -PUNCH. - -Goodness gracious! you surprises me so. But here, mine friend. This is a -suit of King Richard the Lion-Heart, who slew thousands of Saracens in -one day. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why didn’t they stop him, the old villain? Peter Punch, you may as well -put down both shutters over your eyes. Business is closed. - -[_Going._ - -PUNCH. - -Wait, wait, mine dear friend; I have a beautiful suit of armor, -magnificent! I saves it for you. I keeps it wrapped up. It is the suit -of a grand knight-errant. [_Takes covering from mounted suit of armor._] - -WHETSTONE. - -Ah, that’s something like the thing. The business we are on is a sort of -a night errand. What line of business was he in? Did he travel much at -night? - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, you is mistaken. The knight-errant was a great man who went -around foreign countries clad in a suit of mail, rescuing beautiful -damsels, over seven hundred years ago. - -WHETSTONE. - -So long ago as that? His clothes must be a little rusty; but you can rub -them well. You don’t say the suit is seven hundred years old? - -PUNCH. - -Over seven hundred years, mine friend [_winking_]. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, what would they say if they knew of this in Cornville? So the old -rascal used to go around in the night, rescuing beautiful damsels; and -they called them night errands! Didn’t he rescue the ugly damsels too? - -PUNCH. - -History is silent, mine friend. - -WHETSTONE. - -Well, I do declare! I’ll keep up his trade. I’ll build up the old -industry on these shores, and I’ll make it hum. - -PUNCH. - -I have English, French, Spanish, and other cheaper kinds; but I’ll give -you the suit of a grand German knight-errant, because he was a great -Teuton. - -WHETSTONE. - -What is the rent to-night for the so-called Teuton knight-errant? - -PUNCH. - -You shall have him cheap. I will calculate. One cent a year, one dollar -for each hundred years,--seven dollars, mine friend. - -WHETSTONE. - -Isn’t that tooting it rather high for a night errand? - -PUNCH. - -Mine friend, the Teuton knight-errant was the most substantial and -high-toned. - -WHETSTONE. - -Substantial and high-toned! I’ll invest. I’ll wake up your old Teuton -knight-errant, and make him hum. - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE IV.--_A street. Evening._ JACK, _disguised as an ape, on his way -to the masquerade_. - -_Enter_ FOPDOODLE _and_ TOM, _his valet_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -By Jove, what is it?--Tom, my man, stand firm.--Audacious creature! So -much hair on it, you know. I’d kindly thank you for your card. - -JACK. - -Apes and conundrums, having been made before pockets, do not carry their -cards. Did you ever husk an ear of corn? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Audacious beast! Fopdoodle’s no farmer. - -JACK. - -Then how do you expect to husk me by the ear? For the ear of an ape -stands higher than a vegetable. - -FOPDOODLE. - -What a misapplication of terms! - -JACK. - -Why did you not bring your shell with you? - -FOPDOODLE. - -What shell? - -JACK. - -The shell of a goose-egg. Go get it, and put yourself in it, or I’ll -make an omelet of you by assault and battery. - -[_Moving around_ FOPDOODLE. - -FOPDOODLE. - -By Jove, you’re a ferocious ape. I’ll have you arrested. Ho, there! Oh, -policeman, come at once, I pray you, and quell this riot. Come, I -command you. But he don’t come. What an abominable government we do -have! If we had a king, then I’d be protected,--a nice, sweet king! -Then, you know, I’d go to court; then I’d be My Lord Fopdoodle. Oh, I’d -dearly love a king. - -JACK. - -What would you do if an enemy arose? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Why, then the king would say: Upon the breeze that blows upon the -borders of my land, I sniff the enemy. My lord, my good and trusty Lord -Fopdoodle, hasten. Gather two hundred thousand men or so of our -confiding yeomanry and stanchest citizens. Go put the enemy down.--And I -would do it. - -JACK. - -But suppose he wouldn’t stay down? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Tom, my man, stand firm.--When a king puts an enemy down, he puts him -under ground. - -JACK. - -How would you raise the cash? - -FOPDOODLE. - -If I saw the treasury running low, I’d rise and thus address the throne -of majesty: Of late, most able king, thy servant, Lord Fopdoodle, whom -thou hast ennobled, hath observed sundry of his former friends, -shopkeepers, swelling with wealth and aping his nobility. I’ll strip -them of their towering ambition by taking off the goods from their top -shelves. And then the king would say, Good my lord, thou art aright; go -thou and do it. And I would go and do it. - -JACK. - -Would you have any whims? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Wouldn’t I have whims!--Tom, my man, stand firm.--Thousands of them. If -a king and his lords can’t have their whims, they’re not so good as -other people are. Some day, when the king was in a right good humor, I -would say: Your valiant Majesty, an ape doth offend me much. I have a -whim. I crave a boon, my liege, a boon, my sovereign; and he would say, -I’ll grant it thee. Then I would say, I thank thee, good my sovereign. I -would that all the apes in thy kingdom were destroyed. And he would say, -Take this my signet ring, and let them perish. - -JACK. - -And you would kill poor Jack? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Are you Jack? Mr. Northlake’s own son Jack, and cousin to beautiful Miss -Violet? Why, Jack, I could love even an ape if he were cousin to the -beautiful Miss Violet. - -JACK. - -Would you cozen an ape? - -FOPDOODLE. - -[_Aside_] I’ll steal into Miss Violet’s secret heart through this -half-open, half-witted gate of a cousin. [_Aloud_] I’m in love. Help me, -Jack. About the king, good Jack, I was but joking; and if I were married -to Miss Violet, and were the king’s lord, I would not hurt a hair on an -ape’s body. Oh, she’s a sweet conundrum; a rose is a conundrum,--why, -I’m a sweet conundrum myself. Jack, you’re a stunning good fellow, an -awfully good ape. Let me stroke ape’s hair. - -JACK. - -Paws off! You Miss my cousin, but she’ll not miss you. I represent -to-night a missing link which were well found in you. I’m in full -dress,--Nature’s regulation costume for the ape; but you commit a -barefaced outrage with your ape’s nature minus the hair. Meet me at the -masquerade. - -[_Going._ - -FOPDOODLE. - -Tom, my man, stand firm!--Don’t go, Jack.--I’ll go too. - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE V.--VIOLET’s _boudoir, dimly lighted_. - -_Enter_ NORTHLAKE, _with domino on his arm, reading a book_. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Not yet! still in her dressing-room. To-night - Fortune shall win a prize more delicate - Than are the velvet leaves of fabled roses. - For years my mind’s best nutriment has come - By night,--and what of night? I’ll think on it, - While Violet arrays herself for this - Night’s masquerade. It would be right in me - To fancy night as a black sea in space, - That hath circumference and depth, and through - Whose clouded elements grim-visaged hawks - Do sleekly plunge like fishes in the sea, - Seeking their prey; and all upon the earth - Dwell on the floor of this aërial sea, - And thence look longingly at moon and stars. - Oh, hasten, sun, drive back this monstrous tide - Of night! See how these trembling night-lights throb - With the sun’s offices. Ten million such - Could not burn up a solitary rood, - Nor make partition for a vaulted league - Of this black night. But I’ll not rail against - The gentle night; for often doth it bear - A princely offering to Mammon’s shrine. - But come, my niece, my gentle Violet, - Make haste; the hours halt not for lagging maids, - Nor fortune either. - -VIOLET [_within_]. - - Patience, my good uncle. - -NORTHLAKE. - - What is this vaunted love that so doth set - The world on edge? ’Tis but the kindled rapture - Of selfishness, that joys to see its double, - Its fond endearment, its sweet concord, and - Reflection in another. While love is true, - Two doubles come, both blent in one, in love’s - Bright mirror; but when fails the endearing bond - Of selfishness, the passions, then two natures - Rudely clash therein, and love sees double, - Like to an eye disordered. Wonderful - Nature is solved as easily as a scholar - Doth solve his problem on the wall, when lo! - The master’s back is turned, and stealthily - He peeps into the key. O Selfishness, - Thou art the key to all the operations - Of all this globe,--all men and animals, - And all the garniture of fields and forests. - Oft thou art hideous; then thou art distorted, - As is a lovely body racked by torture; - But in thy true and fair proportioned self - Thou’rt beautiful as beauty, and as wise - As wisdom. Thou art plentiful as color, - Sound, motion; and without thee Nature would - Eclipse herself in stark and blank oblivion. - Learn early this misfortune: Envy and Hate - Live on good fortune.... Not ready yet! - I’ll knock upon the door [_knocking_]. Fair Violet, - Make haste, or we’ll be late. - -VIOLET [_within_]. - - Presently, good uncle. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Dimly these lights do burn, as if this boudoir - A cloister were; but these fair ornaments, - Arranged in chaste profusion, show a maiden - Mind dwells here that doth delight in beauty. - Yonder, enshrined with wreaths of evergreen - And immortelles, a precious picture hangs,-- - Her mother and my sister, looking most - Pityingly on me. What is this? Why, here’s - The carven image of a maid at prayer; - And here’s a tender picture of a youth - And maiden in a flower-garden, done - In placid oils upon a patch of canvas. - Methinks the artist had done better had - He put here in the corner of the picture - Some quaint and curious demon, peeping o’er - The garden wall. Why, looking at these toys, - So fitting for a maiden’s bower, almost - Moves me from my purpose. Must all these - Vanish? Will not some angel answer me? - No; Heaven answers not a bankrupt’s prayer. - My fortune and her fortune swallowed in - The hideous maw of speculation; both - Banished, completely banished! Why, I’d rather - Be exiled from my country than my fortune. - But all, all is not lost. She hath a girlish - Beauty and a heart most rare; and in - This age of rude massed gold there’s value in it. - A heaven-dowered woman hath an alchemy - That can refine base gold. The bargain’s good.... - Ninon, is not thy lady nearly ready? - -NINON [_within_]. - - My lady does demur to wear ze dress, - And says she’d rather be plain Violet. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Thy scruples, Violet, are pretty whims; - But more become a simpering maid than thy - Chaste self. [_Aside_] Alas, the plague of poverty! - [_Aloud_] Thou dost obedient service to thy guardian - Uncle, and mayst save him from a plague - That’s worse than all the plagues that e’er beset - The town of Coventry. - -VIOLET [_within_]. - - Plague take the costume! I do not like it. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Let me turn up these lights--the jewel’s from - -[_Turning up the lights._ - - Its casket brought. I keep no false coin in - My house, no cunning mockery, no smirking - Counterfeit. Why, he shall own, and rightly - Own, that she, in bodily volition, - Movement, and gesture, well doth match a mind - That’s matchless. - -_Enter_ VIOLET _in fancy costume, and_ NINON _carrying domino_. - -VIOLET. - - Dear uncle, art thou pleased? - -NORTHLAKE. - - Why, thou art richly worth his gold, were his - Possessions fabulous. - -VIOLET. - - Whose gold, good uncle? - Thou speakest strangely. - -NORTHLAKE. - - I did but jest a trifle. - -VIOLET. - - Give me thy arm, good uncle. I’ll tease thee. - -[_Taking his arm._ - - I do mistrust thou’dst sell me in this costume; - For Ninon, chatting as we dressed, and humoring - Me, did say that often thus they sell - Circassian maids unto the Turk. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Nay, ’tis but idle prattle in Ninon. - -VIOLET. - - Dear uncle, let Ninon companion be - To me to-night. - -NORTHLAKE. - - If ’tis thy merry wish. - -VIOLET. - - I thank thee, my dear uncle. - -NORTHLAKE [_taking domino from_ NINON _and putting it on_ VIOLET]. - - Give me the domino. Thou’lt wear it on - Thy passage to the ball. It is a shield - Which, laid aside, thy beauty’s peerless might - Shall conquer all. - -[_Curtain._ - - - - -Act the Third. - - -SCENE I.--_A masquerade. Musicians playing. Maskers moving about._ - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ BLUEGRASS _in masquerade costume_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, have we any parallels for this? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Millions of parallels. Nature loves a masquerade as much as she abhors a -vacuum. - -WHETSTONE. - -See if my character is loose. It feels like slipping down over my boots. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hold on to your character; never let it slip, or all is lost. Remember, -you are a Teuton knight-errant of the Horn of Plenty, and I am Rainbow, -your squire. The ancient warrior Achilles carried a shield with amazing -scenes beaten thereon. - -WHETSTONE. - -I can beat Achilles’ shield all hollow. I’ve brought my album, with -photographs of my houses, stores, banks, farms, academy, and prize -cattle. Here it is. [_Displaying a large album._] But come, my boy, -again explain. Why am I called the Horn of Plenty? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Horn of Plenty signifies wealth. Remember, we are now walking in a -romance, and explanations are like stumbling-blocks in a dream. One must -imagine more than he sees. - - _Enter_ SCYTHE _with glass, examining_ WHETSTONE, _and especially_ - JACK, _among the masqueraders_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Then she might imagine I was a dinner-horn, a trombone-horn, a -tooting-horn, the moon’s horn, a horned beast, or some other horn, or -that I took a horn as a matter of business. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Don’t talk of business; stick to your character. - -WHETSTONE. - -Confound you, my boy! I am sticking to my character, and my character -sticks to me. I feel like a rooster in an iron nightgown. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Solid in solid. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’m the only one here who seems to have his clothes riveted and anchored -to him. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hold! you must talk in the language of knight-errantry: My sweet, fair, -or beauteous lady, wilt tread a measure in the dance? I am listed in the -tournament of love.--Something in that strain. - -WHETSTONE. - -Will my clothes bear the strain? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Seemingly, but if you should feel rusty, either in character or memory, -ask me to polish you; for such is my traditional duty as your faithful -squire. - -_Enter_ NORTHLAKE, VIOLET, _and_ NINON. - -WHETSTONE [_observing_ VIOLET]. - -Oh, ho! look there, Major, my boy,--there comes the prize of the market. -She’s pretty as a pet kitten. She’s sweet as a box of honey. She’s worth -a barrel of money. I wish it were Violet; I’d throw in the farm on Pearl -Creek. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Steady, steady; hang on to your character! - -CATHARINE [_recognizing_ BLUEGRASS]. - -[_Aside_] That is he with the blue ribbon. I’ll hail this rainbow. -[_Aloud_] Sir Rainbow, you make fair promises, and keep them fairly. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Rainbows bespeak fair weather and fair maids. - -CATHARINE. - -You have bespoken fair weather with bright words, and you shall bespeak -a fair maid with bright eyes, as I promised you to-day on the seashore. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Oh, where is she? - -CATHARINE. - -Yonder she stands while the fates work her destiny,--the fair Ninon. -Come, give me your arm. - -[_They join_ NINON. - -WHETSTONE. - -Going, going, gone; knocked down to the first bidder! What a weakness he -has developed for women! - -NORTHLAKE. - -[_Aside_] Why, that’s the voice of Mayor WHETSTONE. I’ll address him. -[_Aloud_] Ho, most gallant knight, thy squire hath left thee in a -lonesome plight! - -WHETSTONE. - -I am the so-called Teuton knight of the Horn of Plenty. Do you know me? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Have you the mettle of the true knight? - -WHETSTONE. - -I’m covered with metal seven hundred years old. Northlake, I know you! -Where is she? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Yonder, with her maid. Go, woo and win the lady. You could not have -chosen a better suit in which to press your suit. - -WHETSTONE. - -She shall be mine, and you shall be rewarded. [_To_ VIOLET.] Beauteous -lady, I am the resplendent knight of the Horn of Plenty. [_Aside_] -What’s the rest? [_Aloud_] Please wait a moment till I see my squire. - -[_He goes to consult with_ BLUEGRASS. - -NORTHLAKE. - -He is the antipodes of that ancient gentleman whose dress he wears. But, -alas! the rudest oft give most thanks for a gentle wife, and he’ll make -her a comfortable husband. To do this, some would say was villanous in -me; but ’tis a convenient fashion. Wealth is a rude mountain, from which -the gentle win gentle treasures. The Decorator of the fields hath placed -the flower and sturdy plant side by side, and the one doth shield the -other. From dankest earth the whitest lily grows; from keen-edged sands -the fairest blossom blows. E’en frozen clods have flowers, and flowers -their frozen clods. - -WHETSTONE [_returning to_ VIOLET]. - -Wilt tread a measure with me? I am listed in the tournament of love. - -VIOLET. - -Thy words bespeak a gallant knight. I’ll grant thy wish. - -NORTHLAKE [_to_ CATHARINE]. - -I pray thee for a partner. - - _A dance._ WHETSTONE _and_ VIOLET, BLUEGRASS _and_ NINON, NORTHLAKE - _and_ CATHARINE; SCYTHE _inspects_ JACK _with his glass and takes - him for a partner_. - -[_Curtain._ - - -SCENE II.--_A balcony._ - -_Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ VIOLET. - -VIOLET. - -Sir Knight of the Horn of Plenty, did thy grand-uncle slay the Indians? - -WHETSTONE. - -All of them. The banks of the Mississippi were covered. He had hired -soldiers under him who harvested their scalps while he slew them. In my -life in Flatpuddle Smith’s Biography of Great Men, you will find him -given as my great collateral ancestor. - -VIOLET. - -Thy family is warlike, but surely thou art a gentle knight. - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, I’m gentle now; but if one of those savage Indians rose up against -me, I’d heap this illustrated album of civilization, like a burning -coal, upon his head! Do you know, when I was in Europe they offered to -make me a reigning prince--if I’d pay for it. There were several vacant -thrones, and I was about making a bid, when my gigantic business -interests called me back to Cornville, and the throne fell through. - -VIOLET. - -When you were in Europe, did you visit Rome? - -WHETSTONE. - -Passed through in the night-time, and didn’t stop. No business done -there; only a lot of fellows cutting figures in stone, and painting -pictures under the old masters. - -VIOLET. - -’Tis cruel in thee to jest so. Thy figure shows a gallant knight, and -thou dost speak by contraries to make thy showing finer. How doth the -moon shine in Europe? - -WHETSTONE. - -The same old moon. - -VIOLET. - -’Tis very fair. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why, there is the so-called fair moon now, sure enough! [_Looking at the -moon._] It shines like a new tin pan. - -VIOLET. - -The moon shines on thy armor, and thou thyself dost shine like a new tin -pan. - -WHETSTONE. - -There’s the new moon, the quarter moon, the full moon, and the dark of -the moon. The moon is good enough in its place. - -VIOLET. - -Why, where is the moon’s place, if not in heaven? - -WHETSTONE. - -In the almanac. - -VIOLET. - -Why, gallant knights and lovers gather substantial sustenance from -moonlight. ’Tis prescribed by Heaven and the poets. And thou revilest -the moon? Thou art a traitor to nature. Thy best place were in an -almanac, in the dark of the moon, in the sign of Capricorn. - -WHETSTONE. - -Off with the mask! [_Removes head-piece._] Behold the real Honorable -Mayor Whetstone, Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the capital of -Illinois; called Hercules after his real grand-uncle Hercules, who drove -the real Indians reeling down the real Mississippi. Do you follow me? - -VIOLET. - -Heaven guide me in this whirlwind of contraries! - -WHETSTONE. - -Take yours off, too. - -VIOLET. - -As I hate disguises, and this moonlight is a gentle vapor, I’ll unmask -without more argument. - -[_She unmasks._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Beauteous Violet, you are my future wife. Let, oh, let me take a kiss. - -VIOLET. - -Our acquaintance is too brief for a jest so durable. - -WHETSTONE. - -Come, no one sees us. Just one little kiss. [_Enter_ SCYTHE, _looking at -them through his glass_.] Professor, get out! Take notes, hunt -specimens, and shelve your knowledge; but never let me see you here -again. [_To_ VIOLET] Did not your uncle tell you? - -[_Exit_ SCYTHE. - -VIOLET. - -Why, thou art a sportive knight, indeed. Oh, thou art a deep dissembler! -But, no, thou art a gallant knight! This is some stratagem of words and -dress, invented by my good uncle for my diversion. If thou wilt keep a -secret, I will tell it thee. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’ll keep it. But, oh, how I’d like a kiss! - -VIOLET. - -Kissing is an idle fashion but lightly spoken of by our best authors, -and well missed by young misses. But to my secret. This morn my uncle -told me in the orchard that he had chosen for me a lover,--a most -substantial gentleman, a very merchant prince-- - -[_Pauses._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Go on; give me all your secret. - -VIOLET. - -Why, thou art he in name and title; but I know thou art not, from thy -discord in guise, speech, and action; and thou dost carry out a jest too -literally with thy contraries. - -WHETSTONE. - -I swear I am the real he. See, here is my album! [_Opening album._] Here -is my picture, in my shirt-sleeves, before my store. See the sign above -the door: Hercules Whetstone’s Gigantic Store. Here’s my banking-house. -See, see! Now, do you believe and love me? Be my wife, and I’ll bind the -bargain with a kiss. - -VIOLET. - -Surely thou art the prince of jesters; and if ’tis thy humor, in part -I’ll not deny thee; but no maid should bind a bargain with betrothal -kiss until she knows the true worth of it. Hast thou any castles in thy -domain? - -WHETSTONE. - -Castles? Why, I own the half of Cornville. See [_showing the album_], -here’s my town-house. I’ll have its hall set in solid mahogany. Then -we’ll be the Honorable Mr. and Mrs. Mayor Whetstone, of Mahogany Hall, -Cornville, solid people,--if you like, in our castle. - -VIOLET. - -When thou dost in a day change thy house into a castle, then it will -have a gallant knight. - -_Enter_ FOPDOODLE _concealing himself_. - -WHETSTONE [_showing a picture in the album_]. - -See, this is my stately dairy farm. Yonder pearly stream that through -the middle of the farm doth run and wind about, and then run in and out -as if ’twere playing tag between its wave-kissed banks, is called Pearl -Creek. It is a curious stream. Here, once, the wild goose, while he -plucked the toothsome grass from its banks of verdure, listened to an -Indian maid. Here, beneath this spacious sycamore, we’ll sit and fish -for speckled trout; I’ll bait the hook. And when ’tis winter we’ll skate -upon it. See yonder latticed arbor perched upon the bank: it is the -hen-house, with hens and their companions from many lands. Here will we -gather eggs through all the seasons; and to have fresh eggs in winter is -no mean luxury. See yonder moss-covered house of stone picturesquely -wading in the water. It is the milk-house, with all its crocks of golden -cream. Here, with sparkling water, without a murmur from the world, -we’ll fill our crocks of fortune to the brim. Here, amid these scenes of -thrift and beauty, bustling hens, pensive geese, lowing herds, crocks of -cream, and gleaming fishes, we’ll wander hand in hand, spending our -full-orbed honeymoon, while the rude outsiders stare in dreamy wonder at -so much happiness on earth. Does not the prospect charm you? - -VIOLET. - -Do not end thy bright illumined catalogue. Give me it all. - -WHETSTONE. - -Give you it all! I’ll give you your share, but not all. Come, Violet, -that’s asking too much! - -FOPDOODLE [_from his concealment_]. - -Oh for a dagger to assassinate him! O dazzling Violet! - -VIOLET. - -Continue. - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh! Now we leave the country, and come to town [_referring to the -album_]. Here is my edifice of learning, my Cornville Academy, my spring -of knowledge. I own the whole of it. Here’s my Cornville Eagle, which -shall brighten its plumage when we are married; and here’s my Bank, -whose president craves your hand. Do let me take it now; no one is -looking. - -SCYTHE _appears stealthily for a moment, observing them -with his glass_. - -VIOLET. - -They who love moonlight must not forget the man in the moon; and I must -first ask my uncle. But I did not know that knights of late had grown so -rich. I must put on my spectacles. - -WHETSTONE. - -Bless me, are you near-sighted? I’ll come nearer. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, at dawn I was near-sighted, but to-night I am far-sighted. - -WHETSTONE. - -Bless me, I almost forgot it,--I own half a church, and built the -steeple out of my own pocket. - -VIOLET. - -Art thou a pious knight? - -WHETSTONE. - -Heaven must have a share. Besides, it was a sharp business project. It -is the highest steeple in the State; and some day I’ll ride into the -governor’s chair on it. - -VIOLET. - -Thy steeple should turn thy thoughts to heaven, instead of to the earth. - -WHETSTONE. - -That reminds me of the lightning-rod. [_Aside_] I’ll give her a sample -of my business talents. [_Aloud_] A pedler one day said to me: Mayor -Whetstone, I wish to introduce into your community my patent flanged -galvanized lightning-rods. Said I to him, pointing to the steeple: -Eureka! Excelsior! Do you climb? Do you follow me? Do you donate? Is the -advertisement worth the rod? Will you spare the steeple, and spoil the -rod? He climbed. He donated. Before the next thunderstorm he received -orders for over forty rods from members who were afraid the lightning -would strike their property if they didn’t buy a rod. - -VIOLET. - -I much mistrust thou’rt not a redoubtable, but only a doubtful, knight. - -WHETSTONE [_kneeling_]. - -Heaven knows ’tis true. I pray for your hand. - -VIOLET. - -Pray for thine own heart. Rise; for when thou kneelest, thou half liest. -So stand up, and be not prone to lie upon thy knees. - -FOPDOODLE [_from his concealment_]. - -Oh, how I want to be a noble husband! O dazzling Violet! Oh, oh! - -WHETSTONE [_rising_]. - -I thought I heard some one owe me something! - -VIOLET. - -No one here owes thee anything. Take thy mind off thy gains. - -WHETSTONE. - -Let me call your uncle. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, thy jest in greed lacks no ingredient. - -WHETSTONE. - -That’s not all; I have more stores, houses, cattle, stocks, barrels of -money, stacks of it-- - -VIOLET. - -Well, go on; give me it all. - -WHETSTONE. - -Give you it all! - -VIOLET. - -All, everything. - -WHETSTONE. - -Give you it all! That’s practical. Who’d have thought it in one so -young? Would you outwit me? Would you outmatch me? Would you ruin me? - -VIOLET. - -Thou art a gentle stupid. I only meant, give me a description of -all,--thy catalogue of all thou hast. Thy lips label better thy goods -than thy love. - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s that? - -VIOLET. - -I insist upon all. I do mistrust--for I’m no trusting miss--that thou -art a poor ignoble man withal, hired by my jesting uncle withal to put -on this chivalrous disguise withal to jest with me withal. What false -knight art thou that thou wilt not endow the lady of thy love with all -thou dost possess, that lovest thy goods better than love? Thou art of -crude metal. Go to thy farm on Pearl Creek; I do not want thy goods. - -WHETSTONE. - -Am I dreaming? - -FOPDOODLE [_from his concealment_]. - -Oh for a carmine dagger to hack, to stab, to prostrate him! Oh, how I -crave to be a noble husband. O dazzling Violet! - -VIOLET. - -Thou hast kept from thy catalogue and basely concealed that which loving -knights and ladies prize the highest. - -WHETSTONE. - -What can it be? I’ll buy it. - -VIOLET. - -’Twere better guessed, for by purchase it loses its value. - -WHETSTONE. - -I know nothing like it. But if it be concealed and of the highest value, -it must be a gold mine. - -VIOLET. - -Nay, thou gentle stupid, try again. - -WHETSTONE. - -Ah, now I’ve got it. A coal mine. Why, Violet, you are wiser than I -thought. You look beneath the surface. There is a rich vein of coal -beneath my farm; but it’s not worked. - -VIOLET. - -Neither is the vein of love well worked by thee. Try again, and for lack -of discovery and my sentence, thou shalt bear no complaint to my uncle. - -FOPDOODLE [_from his concealment_]. - -Oh, let me tell! O dazzling Violet! - -WHETSTONE. - -I can think of nothing else besides. - -VIOLET. - -Put thy hand to thy left side. Hast thou no heart? - -WHETSTONE [_putting his hand over his heart_]. - -I have a heart; and oh, I feel it beat tremendously. - -VIOLET. - -He is a poor merchant in love, who, having a heart, hath no value to it. -He’s a bankrupt who can declare no dividend unto his lady creditor. A -true and loving heart hath larger dividends than banks, richer harvests -than farms, finer goods than stores, and more happiness than all the -world besides. - -FOPDOODLE [_from his concealment_]. - -O Violet, I’ve got a heart. O dazzling Violet! - -VIOLET. - -Methinks that soon the silver moon will yonder mantling cloud enrich, -and leave thee a knight quite poor. - -WHETSTONE. - -I cannot lose you. Your worth grows upon me at the rate of a thousand -dollars a minute. [_Kneeling_] Here on my knees let me explain. - -VIOLET. - -Rise. I cannot help thee, although ’tis sadly said. Hadst thou -discovered thy heart earlier, and put the true worth of a heart upon it, -then I had thought more deeply. But now, alas! thy discovery comes too -late. I am a young judge, yet my sentence shall be a just one, and I’ll -not revoke it. Thou art a guileful knight. I sentence thee to perpetual -banishment; and that thou mayst study the phases of a maid’s heart and -of the moon, I will allow thee no book but thy almanac. - -WHETSTONE. - -Let the heavens hear me! I am not through yet. I have, a fearful fever! - -VIOLET. - -Maids are no doctors, except for hearts in love. - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, I am in love, and now I know it. - -VIOLET. - -Thy complaint comes too late. Be patient, but be no patient of mine. -I’ll practice on thee no further. Thou hast thy sentence. - -FOPDOODLE _leaves his concealment_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Stay, you villain! If I had my dagger, I’d stab you. O dazzling Violet! - -WHETSTONE [_rising_]. - -Who are you? - -FOPDOODLE. - -You caitiff knight, I am Augustus Fopdoodle and your deadly rival. O -dazzling Violet! - -WHETSTONE. - -You rascal rat! you eavesdropper! If I had my knightly sword, I’d hack -you into a thousand pieces and make you bait for catfish. Where’s my -sword? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Aha, vain boaster! There is my gage of battle; pick it up. - -[_Throws down a glove._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Pick it up yourself, you villain! - -VIOLET. - -Hold, gentlemen, brave gentlemen! ’Twere a pity that two such gentlemen -should end a harmless jest in sanguinary strife. Come. Your brave humors -make the rash current of your words more harmful than your sword-blades. -Believe me. Come. - -[_Exeunt_ WHETSTONE _and_ VIOLET. - -FOPDOODLE. - -I’ll challenge him this very night to fight a duel. Fopdoodle, thou art -a brave man. Bless thee, Augustus Fopdoodle. Bless thee, O dazzling -Violet! I am a terribly quick man, and I should have killed thousands of -men had I but done it when I thought to do it. Let me think.--No, I must -not think so much upon the bloody deed, the grim and horrid spectacle. -Thinking cools me off like an evaporation; yet truly there is a manifold -vigor in me, O dazzling Violet, else why am I so brave when heated? Fire -brings out my bravery. What is the coward quality that on a sudden -chokes my valor so? I have it: it comes of too much thinking. Let me -pluck it out.--But no, I cannot pluck out my brains; yet I will admonish -my head not to think so much. But still, thinking is wisdom; therefore -too much wisdom makes me a thinking coward. I must cultivate less -wisdom. O dazzling Violet! I’ll send him a challenge, and he’ll not -fight. A bloodless triumph. Now thinking comes to my rescue. Animals -have not this process of thinking, for I have seen terrible animals -fight ferociously until they were dead, dead. O dazzling Violet! -Therefore I bless thee, Augustus Fopdoodle, that thou hast the spirit of -bravery; but I do bless thee more that thou hast the process of -thinking. I do not think he’ll fight. O dazzling Violet! - -[_Exit._ - - -SCENE III.--_The same._ - - _Enter_ SCYTHE, _with glass. He seats himself in a corner, observes - the moon, and takes notes. Enter_ BLUEGRASS _and_ NINON, _who do - not observe him_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -We have tripped into the hour of midnight, the fairies’ hour. Now the -fairest face, night-blooming like a mystic flower, may unmask its -sweetness. - -NINON. - -Charmant! Monsieur Rainbow, you delight me all ze night. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Here I’ll unmask, for your two eyes have kindled a flame in my breast -such as could not be lighted by all the stars burning in yonder heavens. - -[_He unmasks._ - -NINON. - -Monsieur Rainbow, you is ze fiery lover,--ze grand gentleman. Take away -ze bad mask. - -BLUEGRASS. - -In the nineteenth century, bright little sister of Venus, I’ll unmask -you. - -[_He unmasks and kisses her._ - -NINON. - -Très joli! Oh, Monsieur Rainbow, you is ze grand American lover. - -BLUEGRASS. - -You are the sweetest little maid upon this magnificent star of ours. - -NINON. - -Charmant! Monsieur, you are ze Rainbow more sparkling zan ze wine-cup. - -BLUEGRASS. - -There is a wine finer than that of the grape to-night. Let this -sparkling envelope of air be our distraction. See, Ninon, how it holds -this globe like a cup star-jewelled, and proffered to our senses with -all its myriad distilments of rapturous motions, varied colors, gladsome -odors, and sweet sounds. - -NINON. - -Monsieur Rainbow, we will drink from zat cup, and hunt ze buffalo in ze -West. Magnifique! - -BLUEGRASS. - -[_Aside_] Beautiful simplicity! Arcadia had no better than this -untutored Parisian. [_Aloud_] Dear Ninon, the advance-guard and -keen-eyed pickets of civilization have driven the buffalo from our -future home in Cornville; but you shall have amusement. - -NINON. - -[_Aside_] Oh, he is ze grand American lover! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Ninon, in Paris were you ever courted,--that is to say, were you ever in -a court of love or law? - -NINON. - -Why, Major Bluegrass, I did not know ze court was for ze love. I thought -ze court was only for ze law. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Give me simplicity! O Love, the entangler, do not unravel us! Let no -frog croak in Cornville. - -SCYTHE _takes a glance at them through his glass_. - -NINON. - -Très beau! Good Monsieur Rainbow, ze frog is ze great beau in ze -springtime, with his fine green coat and gold buttons. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Now I remember me, the frog has a gallant look when the spring is in the -meadows and the banks are grassy. Now I remember me more closely, he -also has a romantic look; for once, when a boy, I watched him sitting, -like a sybarite Turk, upon a dewy bank in the pale moonlight, enjoying -the downward fragrance of an o’erbending lily, which o’er him hung like -a wedding bell. He gazed upon the moon sailing above him, and then upon -the moon below him, glistening in the pond which was his bed,--Neptune’s -trundle-bed, made for frogs,--until, between these two perplexities of -light, his eyes like diamonds shone. Shall I halt here? - - SCYTHE _looks at the earth and moon alternately with his glass_. - -NINON. - -No, no, dear Monsieur; go on, good Monsieur Rainbow. I have ze grand -interest. His eyes shone like ze diamonds, ze beautiful diamonds. -Superbe! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Well, his eyes, like twin solitaires encrusted in rims of red gold, -shone more translucently than any that e’er sparkled in the betrothal -ring of an expectant bride. It seems this gentleman in green had grown -fixedly practical between the real moon and the ideal moon, and would -not have an ideal when he had not the real; for he, poor frog, like some -of our practical humans, did not know that the ideal moon in a pond was -much finer than a pond in the real moon. Now do I see him, as plainly as -if it were to-night, there coolly sitting and meditating, quite -philosophical. - -NINON. - -Oui, oui; zat was a foolish froggie, Monsieur Rainbow. Beware of ze -philosophy. Ah, Major Bluegrass, you have ze fervent language zat -thrills me. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Dear Ninon, my description, like your own pretty costume with all its -frills, tucks, and love-knots, has a moral with it. Before this -philosophic gentleman in green had reconciled himself to an ideal, a -flying cloud curtained the moon; and thus in his philosophy he let -bright opportunity slip, and went dark below. - -SCYTHE _discontinues using glass_. - -NINON. - -Oui, oui; too true. I pity ze poor froggie. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Dear Ninon, render him no pity; for although I was but a green boy, I -then resolved that opportunity was greater than philosophy. Ninon, -yonder glorious moon shines brightly as on that memorable night in the -meadows. ’Tis a bright opportunity; let me kiss thee again. - -NINON. - -Pardon, sweet Monsieur Rainbow; wait for ze grand opportunity when ze -honeymoon upon our wedding shines; then you shall have ze thousand -kisses. Charmant! - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE IV.--_The same._ - -_Enter_ NORTHLAKE _and_ CATHARINE. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Fair lady, I have led thee to this spot, - Removed from all the merry throng of maskers; - For love grows best in solitude, and thrives - But poorly when too many eyes look on; - So saying, I unmask [_unmasking_], and ask that thou - Wilt move that vestment from thy cheek, to whose - Illumined page thine eyes are bright indexes. - Pray let me draw the envious curtain back; - For though I’ve scored some years, yet ne’er ’twas said - That I ungallant proved. - -CATHARINE. - - Stay for a moment,--I am strangely faint. - -NORTHLAKE. - - The ball-room’s heat I fear has wearied thee. - -[_Tenderly supporting her._ - -CATHARINE [_recovering_]. - - Nay, heed it not; I long have been aweary. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Fair lady, tenderest fruit and hidden clings - Within its husk until full season. Now - Thou mayst remove thy mask, for in my heart - There’s sympathy that makes occasion ripe. - -CATHARINE. - - I see thou art a gallant gentleman; - I’d converse hold with thee, but pray that thou - Wouldst leave me to my mask. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Be it as thou dost wish; - But at the close of our sweet interview - I beg thou wilt disclose to me the face - Of her whose gentle hand I now do press - With all the ardor of my youthful days. - -CATHARINE. - - Oh, thou shalt have thy asking, never fear; - But first thou’lt answer questioning,--’tis but - A foolish, idle question, yet thou mayst - True answer make. But to be brief: Didst ever - Love before? Good gentleman, I pray thee - Answer me truly. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Briefly, but once. - -CATHARINE. - - Speak not beyond. I thank thee. Sweeter sound - Was never borne upon the air to woman. - But of this once? Answer me that. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Truly but once, and once most truly, I - Did love her. [_Pausing._] Well, I’ll pause no further; yet - Her voice and gesture much resembled thine. - We parted, years ago, in sad estrangement; - And though within that sombre lapse of time - We’ve often met, yet never have we spoken. - For we indeed are to each other--dead! - -CATHARINE. - - Dead to each other! ’tis a woful word - To those who’ve loved. Thou fickle man! thou dost - Deceive thyself,--for true love never dies. - Thy fate doth mirror mine. - -NORTHLAKE [_taking her hand_]. - - I beg thee tell it me. - -CATHARINE. - - Thou hold’st my hand close as my husband did - Upon our wedding morn, when he did make - Such noble vows of constancy as troops - Of angels swift delight to register. - And so we lived for many happy years; - They now do seem a vanished paradise; - And, looking back, beyond my later years, - It seems to me as fair as tender Eden - Did unto our first mother, Eve. And oft - I’ve wept most burning tears in memory - Of the adored one who did hold me there. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Why, thou dost clasp my hand with feverish zeal; - Let’s walk upon the cliff. - -CATHARINE. - - Nay, stay, and listen. - -NORTHLAKE. - - I’ll do as thou desirest. - -CATHARINE. - - Thou art a gallant gentleman. I’ll swift - Unveil to thee a heart that’s worthier - Than is the poor masked face thou pray’st to see. - Oh, how can I portray to thee my joy - When I was wife and mother! Think of it,-- - For I am sure thou art a good, true man, - And gallant gentleman.--In my full flush - Of joy I was estranged from my dear husband, - Whom I did love so well I would have pledged - My soul upon his honor. Then I was wild - With sudden doubt and frenzied jealousy. - His goodness seemed but evil,--as by the quick - Hot-bolted lightning blasted, or as poison - Transforms the fairest ornaments. In this - Mad frenzy, at this same hour of midnight, - I fled from him. Since then I’ve been a restless - Wanderer on the earth. But, oh! on me - The blame harder doth rest than it doth rest-- - On thee! - -NORTHLAKE. - - On me? Why, who art thou? - -CATHARINE [_unmasking_]. - - Thy lady Catharine.--Thou gallant gentleman, - I may again return to thee. Good-night! - -[_Exit_ CATHARINE. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Lost wife, return! ’Tis pitiful! By thee - These lonely years my life’s been haunted. Once - In each year thy visits, like untimely - Seasons, come upon me, when and where - I never know; but once in each year, lightening - My weary path. Mysterious and strange, - Thou ne’er before hast spoken. Thou blameless Catharine, - Return. Our sins of jealousy have borne - Such fruit as grows from poisoned ground; and yet - Nor Time nor forcing Will can make us what - We were in our first wedded life. These agents - Are far too weak; they never can restore - To us the faith that’s lost in our past lives,-- - Lost like a pearl dropped in dissolving flame, - Its white and saintly fabric gone in a moment. - Unhappy Catharine, and thou my more - Unhappy self! These revels mock us. Poor mask! - -[_Lays down his mask._ - - The mask that hath been torn from off my heart - This night hath left a shadow tenfold darker - Than is thine own. I’ll go seek Violet, - For she is like the beauteous sunlit day. - -[_Listening to strains of music from the ball-room._ - - Music doth hold melodious discourse. - -[_Walks, in meditation and soliloquy._ - - Why, I am growing melancholy. My sun’s - Across the line and courses the horizon; - My nights are growing longer than my days; - The glad days wane, until, as in the deepening - Winter, near the northern pole, they’ll come - But for a moment, a wedge of light between - Two nights. Oh, hasten, come, thou blank, perpetual - Night! [_Music ceases._] The instruments are dumb, the players - Are at rest; but their unceased vibrations - On struggling chords yet tremble in my breast. - Alas! such is the growth of melancholy. - -[_Exit._ - - - - -Act the Fourth. - - - SCENE I.--_A room at the Dolphin Inn. Guns, pistols, swords, and - other weapons scattered around._ WHETSTONE _in armor, lying upon a - sofa, disquietly sleeping_. - -_Enter_ BLUEGRASS _carrying a large dictionary_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -He sleeps. ’Tis well. For centuries men, with eager eyes fixed upon the -horizon, have awaited the coming of the purely literary duel. The -auspicious morn is about to dawn, in fact, to bloom upon this -magnificent star of ours, when, in affairs of honor, bloody swords, -odious gunpowder, and slaughtering bullets no longer shall disgrace the -planet. - -WHETSTONE [_dreaming_]. - -Take away the sword! Do not say I killed you! - -BLUEGRASS. - -He dreams of the combat. Rest, warrior, rest! Safe within this volume, -and at your timely service, are such dire missiles, fearful and -momentous cartridges, bombs, shells, fowling-pieces, blunderbusses, -mortars, and battering-rams, as have rent nations asunder and awed the -world. Can base gunpowder and lead do so much? O puissant volume, -armory and magazine, I will select from your mighty stores, for my -principal’s sake, weapons which shall strike terror and dismay to his -adversary’s heart. Yes, a full dozen of as bold bad words as were ever -conned from out thy depths by a dyspeptic writer at midnight hour in -editorial den. - -[_A rooster crows._ - -WHETSTONE [_still dreaming_]. - -See how he glares upon me! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Rest, warrior, rest! You go forth not to death, but to glorious -immortality. - -[_Rooster crows._ - -WHETSTONE [_starting up_]. - -Take him away; he is killing me! Oh, oh! [_Observing_ BLUEGRASS] Who are -you? - -BLUEGRASS [_cheerfully_]. - -Your trusty friend and second in this valiant enterprise. I’ve just -returned from Fopdoodle’s second. We have arranged the place, time, -weapons, and conditions of the duel very satisfactorily. - -WHETSTONE. - -You seem to enjoy it! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Listen, and you’ll enjoy it too. - -WHETSTONE. - -Let me know the worst. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Place, the little clearing in the darkened wood behind the hill. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why didn’t you make it in the West, behind the Rocky Mountains? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Time, one hour before sunrise. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why didn’t you make it next year, in the dark of the moon? Major, I feel -that my blood will be upon your so-called head. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Not if my head can save you, and I think it can. With some acuteness, I -secured Scythe as attendant surgeon, in case of an accident, and he has -already gone to the spot with all his surgical implements of healing. - -[_Rooster crows._ - -WHETSTONE. - -What’s that? Is’t the signal? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Listen! now for the weapons. - -WHETSTONE. - -Don’t, Major, don’t! - -BLUEGRASS. - -With some archness in archery, I first chose crossbows as most fitting -for lovers’ duels, but abandoned them as too crosswise. Blunderbusses I -rejected, as too blundering for us; and, noting the weakness of our -enemy in diction, I at last chose dictionaries, big and unabridged, and -made by the most celebrated word-smiths. - -WHETSTONE. - -Dictionaries! Did you say dictionaries? Major, now my anger is reviving. -Now, by all that’s terrible, I’ll fight till there’s not a leaf or lid -left. Why, the first blow I give him shall be a jaw-breaker. He’ll think -himself smitten, like the Philistines, by a jawbone. Major, get me a -dictionary with iron clasps; but one is not enough, my boy. I’ll strike -him with two dictionaries. - -[_Rooster crows._ - -BLUEGRASS. - -Erroneous hero! You are in honor bound not to deal him any blows with -vulgar material-bound paper. - -WHETSTONE. - -How then, my boy, how then? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Listen to the conditions of the duel. At a distance of two paces, you -and Fopdoodle, each aided by his respective second, will each -respectively select, for each fire from his inexhaustible dictionary or -armory, one animal noun for his projectile, and one adjective,--for your -adjective is your gunpowder to your bullet of a noun. These two, to wit: -one animal noun and one adjective, each of you will form into a -cartridge, or epithet, and at the word _Fire_ each will fire it at his -adversary. - -WHETSTONE. - -Bless you, my boy, we are saved! You shall always be editor of the -Eagle. My boy, you must have known I didn’t want to kill him. Major, -stand by me to the last. - -BLUEGRASS. - -I’ll do it. I am a connoisseur in epithets; and your animal noun with -adjective conjoined is a terrible weapon. O book, how like a poet thou -art!--in pleasant moods full of balmlike words, but in anger javelined -like a porcupine. Be thou a cage filled to the cover’s brim with fierce -animal nouns which fret their paper cage of leaves to pounce upon the -enemy. Remember, at each fire call him some outrageous animal, and -exploit the animal with an explosive adjective. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’ll do it. The gourd-headed baboon! - -[_Rooster crows._ - -BLUEGRASS. - -Good; a very fine line shot! But don’t waste your ammunition here. Wait -until you get your enemy into close quarters, and meanwhile steady your -nerves and tongue. Remember, no faltering of the tongue. - -WHETSTONE. - -How goes the night outdoors? - -BLUEGRASS. - -All’s well! Now shall I behold the first genuine literary duel ever -fought on this magnificent star of ours, while the sun trails his -sanguinary banners along the eastern sky. - -[_Rooster crows._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Why does he crow so often? - -BLUEGRASS. - -It is the martial bird of morn, brave chanticleer--the vocal lighthouse -of the dawn. Six times has the rooster crowed. [_Rooster again crows._] -And yet again he crows,--seven times, mysterious number! With crimson -comb and whetted spurs, he sniffs this duel from his lofty perch in the -heavenly balcony. - -WHETSTONE. - -How says the time? - -BLUEGRASS. - -It lacks but little of the hour. We’ll prove no laggards on the field -of honor. Come on. Make haste! Away, away, or we’ll be late to join the -fray! We’ll get our lanterns on the way. [_Rooster crows._] - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE II.--_A clearing in a wood._ SCYTHE, _with lantern, arranging -surgical instruments_. - -_Enter, running_, FOPDOODLE, _attended by_ TOM, _his valet and second, -carrying lantern and dictionary_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -What man is this? - -TOM. - -Good master, this is the attendant surgeon, agreed upon by Whetstone’s -second and myself, your own second and humble valet. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Kind Mr. Surgeon, if we two fall at once, save me first; and I promise -you a great reward from father’s patrimony. And as our wounds we do -refer to you, I move to make you referee. Kind Mr. Surgeon, prescribe -for me a breathing spell. [SCYTHE _examines him with glass_.] Tom, my -man, stand firm! For as we crossed through yonder green and peaceful -field, by some ominous mischance a sleeping, low-bred, fiery bull arose, -with eyes big as our lanterns, filled with the flaming fat of animal -fury. He chased; and as we fled, I thought I was pursued by an -infuriated animal noun. Oh, doctor, prescribe for me a breathing spell. - -TOM. - -Good master, here is your dictionary, if you’d take a breathing spell. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Unlettered ruffian, uncompassionate fool, do I clothe and fee you for -this? Hand me my spirit of hartshorn to brace my spirits up. [_Using -smelling-bottle._] Had I but had this spirit of hartshorn in my -nostrils, I would have had the spirit to face a thousand bulls. Where’s -the infuriated dictionary? - -TOM. - -Here it is, good master. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Turn to the fearful B’s; I know some good shots in the B’s. - -TOM. - -Here they are, good master. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Do we yet espy the foe? - -SCYTHE [_looking through glass_]. - -I see him coming over the brow of the hill, and he’ll be here in a wink. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Alas, if I should fall! - -TOM. - -I’ll raise you up again. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Base horizontal knave, thou canst again raise up my body, but not my -character. - - _Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ BLUEGRASS, _with lantern and dictionary_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -A brave salutation, gentlemen! We will pursue the code of honor where it -does not conflict with us. Let the principals advance, and shake hands -in the usual way, to show that they in humor and honor are not ill. -[WHETSTONE _and_ FOPDOODLE _advance and shake hands. To_ TOM] We must -compare size, weight, and calibre of type. [_They compare -dictionaries._] The weapons are of the same edition. Now for choice of -positions; but there are two esteemed objects in the heavens,--Mars and -the moon; for them we’ll toss up. [_To_ TOM] Head or tail? [_Tosses up a -coin._] - -TOM. - -Tail. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Head it is. I’ve won! I place Fopdoodle with the moon in his face, and -WHETSTONE with the planet Mars at his back. [_Measures off two paces and -places the principals._] In affairs of honor, delay is a vice, despatch -a virtue. I propose, between each fire, thirty seconds for loading, -that after the words, One, two,--fire! each one shall fire, and that -this continue until one be prostrated; also that Surgeon Scythe give the -word and be referee. But we’ll try to preserve a gentlemanly harmony. - -TOM. - -We agree. - -[_Each second supports his principal, and_ SCYTHE _times them with his -watch_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Tom, my man, turn to the C’s; I know a terrible animal noun in the C’s. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Here, Mayor Whetstone, is your adjective for gunpowder,--Patagonian. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’ll take bat for a bullet. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Now, by the planet Mars, you have chosen the most unearthly bullet in -the whole menagerie of animal nouns. - -FOPDOODLE [_to_ TOM]. - -I’ve got it. I now turn to U for my gunpowder. - -TOM. - -Master, I have no gunpowder. - -FOPDOODLE. - -You unlettered utensil, you! The letter U. - -SCYTHE. - -Time! One, two,--fire! - -WHETSTONE. - -Patagonian bat! - -FOPDOODLE [_pronouncing calf with broad sound of letter a_]. - -Unutterable calf! - -BLUEGRASS. - -A foul! a foul! I claim a foul. - -SCYTHE. - -Upon what do you base your foul? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Upon the letter _a_ in calf. In place of rightly firing calf with the -Italian sound of _a_, as in bah, he wrongly fired calf with _a_ broad. -Therefore he fired _a_ broadside, with sound the same as in ball. I -claim the foul is sound. - -SCYTHE. - -Let me examine your weapon [_examining_ FOPDOODLE’S _dictionary_]. I -plainly see a calf with two little dots like budding horns above the -letter _a_, denoting the Italian sound; and as you wrongfully fired -broad _a_, and as broad _a_ in your weapon is denoted by two little -dots below the _a_, I rule you struck below the belt, and hence _a_ -foul. - -BLUEGRASS. - -First foul for Fopdoodle. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -See him tremble. - -FOPDOODLE [_aside_]. - -I struck him badly. - -SCYTHE. - -Gentlemen, are your honors satisfied? - -WHETSTONE. - -Never! War to the word knife! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Never! War to the word hilt! - -SCYTHE. - -Then sadly be it said: Reload. I’ll see if there is any blood on yonder -red and warlike Mars. [_Looks at Mars with glass, while the others -reload from dictionaries._] Time! One, two,--fire! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Hyperborean ibex! - -WHETSTONE. - -Parabolical goose! - -SCYTHE. - -Are you satisfied? - -FOPDOODLE. - -Never! War to the word knife! - -WHETSTONE. - -Never! War to the word hilt! - -SCYTHE. - -Reload. [_They reload._] Time! One, two,--fire! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Impecunious porcupine! - -WHETSTONE. - -Hypothecated buzzard! - - [_Lightning and thunder, while_ SCYTHE _examines the sky with - glass_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Listen, Tom! I think I hear the police! The police! Let us be going! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hold! ’Tis but the thunder, heaven’s police drilling near the distant -horizon. Let their lanterns flash and their clubs smash the sky, but -this duel shall go on. - -SCYTHE. - -Gentlemen, reload. [_They reload._] Time! One, two,-- - -FOPDOODLE. - -Hold! My tongue slipped. - -TOM. - -And the lightning’s blown my lantern out. - -[_Lightning and thunder._ - -BLUEGRASS [_re-lighting_ TOM’S _lantern_]. - -I hope I may re-light your lantern without an explosion. A fearful storm -is brewing, but we must make them fight until one falls. - -TOM. - -I’ll stand by my master. - -SCYTHE. - -Time! One, two,--fire! - -WHETSTONE. - -Categorical catamount! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Bog-trotting bull-frog! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Foul, foul, a most terrible and bulldozing foul,--a double-barrelled -fowling-piece; a two-bullet foul. - -TOM. - -A bull-frog is no fowl. - -BLUEGRASS. - -A most naked and unfeathered fowl. - -SCYTHE. - -Upon what purely scientific facts do you now perch your alleged fowl? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Upon the rail between bull and frog. Bull-frog is a compound animal -noun, composed of one bull and one frog, connected by a hyphen, or -narrow ligament, like the Siamese twins,--two animals in one. I ask -judgment. - -[_Lightning and thunder._ - -SCYTHE. - -Listen to my decision; for though it should rain bull-frogs, I’ll decide -by analysis. The difference lies between the grammatical bull-frog and -the purely animal bull-frog. Grammar does not concern the animal -bull-frog, but has much to do with the word bull-frog. The purely animal -bull-frog is manifestly not a fowl; but inasmuch as by the rules only -one animal noun is allowed at a shot, and whereas the grammatical -bull-frog is compounded of two animals linked by a hyphen, I declare -them a chain-shot, disallowed in civilized warfare, and a foul of the -worst description. - -TOM. - -Good master, he says ’tis a foul. - -FOPDOODLE. - -We’re in bad odor with this referee. I smell foul play. Give me my -spirit of hartshorn, or I faint. - -TOM. - -Here it is, good master. - - [FOPDOODLE _smells of hartshorn, and_ WHETSTONE _drinks out of a - flask_. - -SCYTHE. - -Time! One, two,--fire! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Humpbacked sham! - -WHETSTONE. - -Infamous liar! - -FOPDOODLE. - -You man in buckram! You rambling sham! You blue sham, three-cornered -sham, catalectic sham! You panting, rampant sham, black sham, white -sham, speckled sham! - -BLUEGRASS [_to_ SCYTHE]. - -Stop him! He has opened the menagerie. Foul, foul! He has fired a whole -sham battery. - -WHETSTONE. - -I’ll slay him on the spot. You catacomb! you catastrophic, cataleptic, -catacoustic cat! Pooh! you spotted poodle, you freckled poodle, you -yellow-brindled poodle! dogfish! you dogmatic-dogwood-doggerel dog. - -[_Lightning and thunder._ - -TOM [_supporting_ FOPDOODLE]. - -Good master, bear up. ’Tis only a shower of cats and dogs. - -FOPDOODLE [_fainting_]. - -Give me a drink of tiger’s blood! - -BLUEGRASS [_to_ WHETSTONE]. - -See, you have struck him; he is falling. - -[FOPDOODLE _falls, clasping his dictionary_. - -SCYTHE [_to_ TOM]. - -Run quickly. Catch me a sheep in yonder field. By transfusing blood from -its veins to his, I’ll make the weak brave, the faint alive. [_Taking up -a surgical instrument._] Now, great Science, help me! - -TOM. - -Good master, I go to get the sheep. - -[_Exit_ TOM. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Long live and let live the literary duel! - - [_Lightning and thunder. The scene closes while_ WHETSTONE, - BLUEGRASS, _and_ SCYTHE _gather around_ FOPDOODLE, _administering - to him_. - - -SCENE III.--_The Glen of Ferns. Midday._ - -_Enter_ IDEAL. - -IDEAL. - - See how great Nature lavishes in this - Hard wrinkle in the globe a subtle and - Refining power, as if it were the open - Volume of the earth with fern-clad cliffs - For lettered pages. Here the glad sun comes - In his most favoring hour, with impress of - A God, in splendor sparkling down the glen. - Ye ferns that spring along these cliffs with light - And airy grace, see but my Violet, - And ye shall take a new and tender charm. - Yon rainbow, in the sportive mist above - The cascade glowing, well a brighter bow - Might grow when it doth catch the arch words of - Bright Violet. Ye berries crimsoning - On yonder bushes, were ye roseate - As are the ripe red lips of Violet, - Wise men a holiday would take, and go - A-berrying. E’en weeds along the cliff - Were like some pretty fault in Violet,-- - Sweet contrast growing but for beauty’s foil. - Be free and happy, all created things; - Ye singing birds, your melodies attune; - And ye, blithe squirrels--Peeping Toms of trees-- - From out your leafy coverts peep, and I’ll - Not jealous be. - -_Enter_ VIOLET, _at top of rustic stairway_. - -Ay, there she comes, fair Violet! - -VIOLET. - - Heigh-ho! Why art thou down so low? - -IDEAL. - - That I may upward gaze at thee. For as - One in the deep bottom of a well, above - May see a star at midday, so do I - See thee from the deep bottom of this glen. - -VIOLET. - - With fancy thou dost blithely scale this stair, - As doth some heavenly singer; yet thou seest - Thou art still at the bottom of the glen. - -IDEAL. - - Let us be like two notes in music blent; - Thou high, I low; yet both in sweet accord. - -VIOLET. - - Truly, thou art my Ideal. But, alack! - I’ve called thee by thy name. - -IDEAL. - - Give thou it me, and I will bear no other. - -VIOLET. - - Thou hadst it long ago. - -IDEAL. - - To be thy Ideal more real were - Than to achieve all other reals. - -VIOLET [_archly_]. - - Alas! the hard vicissitudes of life! - -IDEAL. - - Why, how now, Violet? I’ll bear them all. - -VIOLET. - - All hard vicissitudes? - -IDEAL. - -All. - -VIOLET. - -I have an uncle. - -IDEAL. - -If he’s a hard vicissitude, I’ll bear him too. - -VIOLET. - -I’ll go tell my uncle. [_Going._] - -IDEAL. - - Nay, hold. Within thy words, as in the cinctured - Filaments of lace thou wear’st, I see the fine - Transparent tracery of gossamer - Designs. In such a web I’d fain be caught. - -VIOLET. - -And I’d fain catch thee. - -IDEAL. - - Come, let us walk within this pleasant glen; - And if we weary,--on a mossy bank, - In the cool shade of interlacing leaves,-- - We’ll watch the gentle coquetry between - A burning sunbeam and a shaded fern. - There’s not a fern-leaf, berry, blade of grass, - Nor flower, but I’ll gather it for thee. - If at thy feet it grow, then I’ll kneel there; - If higher, in a crevice of the cliff, - Together we will reach for it, and in - The touching of our finger-tips it shall - Part company with earth in ecstasy. - And if, above, thou dost but gladly view - That most sky-kissing flower, the heavenly bluebell, - Which with transparent hue embellishes - The summit of the cliff, why, I’ll climb there. - -VIOLET. - -And leave me in the lone recesses of the glen? - -IDEAL. - - If thou didst not detain me with thine eyes; - For if, in climbing upward, I looked back, - I’d see the sky and bluebell in thine eyes, - And so return to thee. Come, Violet, come. - -VIOLET. - - Ah, me! See what a deep, deep stair it is. - [_Aside_] Aloof the bluebell, lovers joy to see. - [_Aloud_] I’ll not descend. - -IDEAL. - - Then I’ll invoke - The spirit of this lovely glen, that dwells - In yonder rock, to aid in my petition. - -[_Turns and calls to rock on further side of glen._ - - Come, Violet! - -[_An echo is heard repeating_ VIOLET. - -VIOLET. - - I think I hear my uncle calling; - I must go. Adieu! - -IDEAL. - - Think not so. I but now called Violet, - And what thou heard’st was the far echo of - Thy name, that’s borne by yonder rock from out - This cheering vale to listening hills beyond. - It is a wanton, merry rock that doth - Delight to sweetly hold discourse in doubling - Of thy name. But as it hath no beard - Upon its face, except a fringe of ferns, - I’ll not be jealous. For such gentle service, - Violet, give not the rock the hardness - Of thy uncle’s heart; but stay. - -VIOLET. - - Between thee and the rock, I almost am persuaded. - -IDEAL. - - Sweet Violet, do not go,--be persuaded - Altogether; for although this is - A sheltered glen, with pleasant sunshine tempered, - Yet from thy coldness I would perish as - A homeless midnight traveller, embedded - ’Mid bewildering snowbanks. - -VIOLET. - - Say not so; for if thou, my dear Ideal, - On such a cruel, frosty bank lay dying, - And I were Violet beneath the snow, - As violets do often grow, I’d call - On all the powers in stars above and in - The earth below to move the frosty barrier. - I’ll come to thee. - - [_The scene closes while_ VIOLET _descends the stair, and_ IDEAL - _advances to meet her_. - - - - -Act the Fifth. - - -SCENE I.--_A room at the Dolphin Inn. Evening._ - - _Enter_ WHETSTONE _with_ BLUEGRASS _in black dress as his shadow. - Each with guitar and song-book._ - -BLUEGRASS. - -A day and night,--and now another day hath waned for our recuperation; -and our adventures have flown on lightning wings to Cornville. Now do we -start on new emprise. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major Bluegrass, this serenade must be played on the hard-pan. Put me -through to-night, and I’ll make you half-owner of the Cornville Eagle. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Trust me, I’ll be your musical secretary! With the Eagle and Ninon, I -could soar through life like a bird. - -WHETSTONE. - -And I’ll soar with Violet. Why, hello! I’ve forgotten all about Susan. -Where’ll I leave Susan? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Susan! Your housekeeper! Why, what takes you back to Cornville at such a -sky-crisis as this? The great point in a flight of romance is never to -approach earth. Susan! Why, Susan will tarry here below and superintend -the cuisine, so that you and Violet may have a warm repast when you come -down from your sky-parlor. - -WHETSTONE. - -I wonder what Susan will say when I bring home my bride. - -BLUEGRASS. - -As one good man should say to another, first bridle your bride. - -WHETSTONE. - -Why, Major, Susan and I were young together, and we loved, or thought we -did. She wanted to marry, I wanted to wait; consequence, compromise. I -engaged her as my housekeeper. There’s romance for you! - -BLUEGRASS. - -’Tis an ancient parallel. - -WHETSTONE. - -In our serenade, what shall I do? - -BLUEGRASS. - -The guitar you hold you cannot play; hence I’ll do the mechanical upon -the strings, while you twit the circumambient air from the bridge -musical of your instrument. And if you’d prove me with a double burden, -I’ll bear both words and music; in which event you’ll give the color and -visible gesture of description. Stand you beneath some close-leaved -tree, where the night overlaps, and I’ll be concealed near you in the -shrubbery. Later, I’ll emerge behind you, as your true shadow. - -WHETSTONE. - -All right, I’ll give the motions. Now, let’s see what we have in the -song-book. [_Opening song-book._] Here’s the Midnight Serenade; and -Beauteous Lady I Adore Thee. That’s business. Here’s a whole grist of -meeting songs: [_reading_] Meet Me at the Lane; Meet Me by Moonlight; -Meet Me, Darling, in the Dell; Meet Me down by the Sea; Meet Me in the -Arbor; Meet Me in the Twilight. Where’ll this end? Meet Me ’neath the -Slippery-Elm Tree. Meet Me in the Willow-Glen. Why, Major, the earth is -covered with meeting-places. But wait! [_Examining book and pondering._] -What book-carpenter did this work? Here’s Black-Eyed Susan--[_aside_] -Susan has brown eyes--[_aloud_] sandwiched between Paddle your own Canoe -and the Pirates’ Chorus. - -BLUEGRASS. - -He was a ship-carpenter who did his work ship-shape. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Comin’ thro’ the Rye, Comin’ thro’ the Rye,--that sounds homelike. -Major, my boy, sing and play while I act it. - - BLUEGRASS _sings and plays Comin’ thro’ the Rye, while_ WHETSTONE - _accompanies with pantomime_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Demosthenes the Athenian, being interrogated, replied that action makes -the orator. I may add that it makes the singer. - -WHETSTONE. - -You’re right. [_Examining song-book._] Here’s a whole nest of -love-songs: Love, Beautiful Love; Love in a Cottage; Love Launched a -Ferry-boat. - -BLUEGRASS. - -’Tis not ferry-boat, but fairy boat. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Love is at the Helm. - -BLUEGRASS. - -That’s when love’s at sea. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Love is like the Morning Dew. - -BLUEGRASS. - -We’re approaching land again. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Love’s Perfect Cure. - -BLUEGRASS. - -We don’t need it. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Love’s the Greatest Plague. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hold on! yes, we do. - -WHETSTONE [_reading_]. - -Love Me Little, Love Me Long; Love, Love, oh, what is Love? Major, my -boy, that settles it. We must find out. Hurrah! I feel like a new man! -Let’s be going! If I fail, Northlake shall not have a dollar. Violet’s -the only collateral he can put up. If I don’t get her, I’ll take the -next train to Cornville and marry Susan on the spot. She’s been a good -housekeeper to me these many years; and once when I was sick she bathed -my feet in hot water and mustard, and put a hot flannel around--I think -it was my throat; and her elder-blossom tea can’t be beaten. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Do you falter? - -WHETSTONE. - -No; I’ll have what I want. You remember the bay colt that cost me five -thousand dollars? People thought I was a fool, but I wasn’t. - -BLUEGRASS. - -You were a horse diplomat. - -WHETSTONE. - -Exactly. I saw points, and now the colt has a great record. I see points -about that girl Violet that no one else sees. She’s an extraordinary -girl, a thoroughbred, and I’ll back my judgment with my money. - -BLUEGRASS. - -What if she don’t take kindly to you? - -WHETSTONE. - -Watch me closely, and you’ll see me win her to-night. What’s the use of -money, if you can’t get--points, my boy, when you want them? And yet-- - -BLUEGRASS. - -And yet what? - -WHETSTONE. - -And yet Susan has points too. She can roast a goose splendidly,--and -that elder-blossom tea! But enough of this. Away to serenade. - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE II.--_A dining-ball in_ NORTHLAKE’S _Villa_. POMPEY _and_ HANNIBAL -_arranging dining-table_. - -POMPEY [_merrily_]. - -Yah! yah! I say, Hannibal, Lake Shore’s g’wone up. I make pile money on -dat happy shore, shure. Stocks am de ting to put de money in de -stockin’. - -HANNIBAL [_gloomily_]. - -So! so! I lose pile money on dat Hudson Ribber. My banker telegram fo’ -moh margin every fifteen minutes fo’ foh hours. De agony of dem hours I -can nebber tell you, Pompey. De telegram-wire, and de tongue of -lightnin’, holler, Moh margin! Hudson Ribber g’wone down,--moh margin! I -and de ole woman scrape and scrape, and empty de big stockin’ bank dat -de old woman hab under de bed fo’ de rainy day; still it holler, Moh -margin! And den de old woman raise de washtub ’gainst her lawful -husband. I nebber tink dat ribber railroad could sink so fast. Pompey, -it am de fashion to condumdole wid your misfortunate neighbor; how much -you condumdole wid me, Pompey? - -POMPEY. - -You hear me, chile! I lose moh money on dat Hudson Ribber dan you ebber -see. - -HANNIBAL. - -Why, honey, how am dat? You hab no Hudson Ribber stock. - -POMPEY. - -I was g’wone down de ribber on de canal-boat, when I losed it. Yah, yah! - -HANNIBAL. - -Pompey, you am too friv’lous and vis’nary fo’ de bus’ness man,--fo’ de -stock op’rator. - -POMPEY. - -Hannibal, I hab de call on you. Now let us confabulate togedder like -sensible people. Ober two hours ago, I see de mess’nger boy bring de -telegram. It ware from Mr. Northlake’s banker, and it read: You made -five hundred thousand dollars to-day on Lake Shore stock. Now you hab -seen Mr. Northlake cast down, way down,--tremendously, moh dan usual, -fo’ ’bout a month,--way down, ’cause he lose all his own and Miss -Violet’s fortune speculatin’,--way down; but when he read dat, he smile -like de little chile; and he say to me: Pompey, dere’ll be a -surprise-party yere to-night. Spread de banquet fo’ de guests. And now -we doin’ it, ain’t we? - -HANNIBAL. - -I’m glad ob dat, fo’ Miss Violet’s sake, and de tings she gibs me; but -dis am de point I must determinate before de limbs work easy: Ware am de -margin g’wone dat I don’t hab,--de one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents? - -POMPEY. - -Dat, chile, am g’wone ware de weasel’s g’wone wid de egg. - -HANNIBAL. - -Dat am a big weasel to get away wid one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents. I’ll write my banker, shure, in de mornin’ ’bout de -wrong p’ints he gibs me. Dat’s my p’intin’ ’pinion ’bout him. Maybe -he’ll loan me it back again,--dat one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents. - -[_Exeunt._ - - -SCENE III.--_The lawn in front of_ NORTHLAKE’S _Villa_. - - _Enter_ WHETSTONE _and_ BLUEGRASS, _with guitars, stealthily - advancing through the shrubbery, and appearing upon the lawn_. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Now do we stand upon the green lawn of fresh enterprise. Stand yourself -’neath yonder tree, and fix your eyes on the balcony [WHETSTONE _takes -position accordingly_], while I, from behind this green projecting wing -of shrubbery, project our ripening song [_moving behind the shrubbery_]. -First, our song of salutation, with fresh words. - - BLUEGRASS, _under cover of the shrubbery, sings and plays, while_ - WHETSTONE _accompanies with pantomime_. - - The moon is on the hills, - The glow-worm’s in the grass; - The nightingales have bills, - The owls have singing-class. - -BLUEGRASS _ceases singing while_ WHETSTONE _continues -pantomime_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Give me more words! - -BLUEGRASS. - -I’ve forgotten the rest, and therefore take a rest. - -WHETSTONE. - -Look! the door is opening. [_Door partly opens, and_ POMPEY _shows his -head_.] Great thunder--a black walnut! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Vanish, thou black January! [POMPEY _vanishes_.] We’ll strike a mellower -melody, and yonder balcony shall bear fruitage brighter than October. -The prize of the troubadours in the courts of love was the golden -violet. - -WHETSTONE. - -Give me no more sentimental nonsense. Sing a song of business. - -BLUEGRASS. - -That’s clever. I feel the inspiration. I’ll improvise a matter-of-fact -descriptive ballad illustrating the moral maxim, Business before love. - - BLUEGRASS _sings and plays_; WHETSTONE _accompanies with pantomime, - and joins in singing last line of each stanza_. - - Katie and Jack got up at morn, - And she came with two ears of corn, - And he came with his brassy horn, - To drive the ducks to market, O! - - Now Katie’s ducks were white as snow, - But Jackie’s ducks were black as crow; - So o’er the hills away they go, - Driving the ducks to market, O! - - Then Jackie blew his brassy horn, - And Katie shelled her ears of corn, - While the rooster crowed upon the thorn, - Driving the ducks to market, O! - - Now Katie loved, and so did he, - And he his horn hung on a tree; - Oh, they were glad as the busy bee, - Keeping the ducks from market, O! - - The moon fell down behind a hill; - The sun winked at the miller’s mill; - The lark got up upon his quill, - Keeping the ducks from market, O! - - Alas! alas! green grew the grass, - The duckies, hunting garden sass, - Fell in a trap. Alas! alas! - Keeping the ducks from market, O! - - Then he cried chuckie, duckie, O! - Then she cried duckie, chuckie, O! - But oh, alas! it was no go, - Driving the ducks to market, O! - -MORAL. - - The moral’s plain as the bumble-bee, - Clear on the top of a tall tree. - Oh, wait! if lovers you may be; - First drive your ducks to market, O! - -_Enter_ VIOLET _upon the balcony_. - -VIOLET. - -I plainly see there’s business in this night. [_Perceiving_ WHETSTONE.] -Why, ’tis the self-same knight that did bedight another night, but far -more musical. There’s a sad want of unity here, as no music, however -rich, can me unite to yonder knight. [_Addressing_ WHETSTONE.] Do my two -eyes behold that Mayor Whetstone, of Cornville, near the capital of -Illinois, called Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the -Indians down the Mississippi? - -WHETSTONE. - -You do behold with two, unless with one you kindly wink upon me, which I -half believe you do. - -VIOLET. - -Is thy meaning double or single? - -WHETSTONE. - -Sweet Miss Violet, I have been a man with an eye single to business, but -who would double his business. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Don’t give her any quandaries. - -VIOLET. - -Why, thou hast changed thy voice! - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -Major, you rascal, assume my voice! - -BLUEGRASS [_assuming_ WHETSTONE’S _voice_]. - -Sweet Violet, it is the air, that’s sometimes tuneful and sometimes not, -that doth effect the change. - -VIOLET. - -Thou art an artful man. - -BLUEGRASS [_assuming_ WHETSTONE’S _voice_]. - -Sweet Violet, ’tis even noted so. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -Confound you, ’tis not so! - -BLUEGRASS [_assuming_ WHETSTONE’S _voice_]. - -I meant to say the air is so. - -VIOLET. - -If thou sowest the air with so, so, thy harvest will be no, no. The air -upon this balcony well balances its fruitage. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -You villain, we’re caught! - -VIOLET. - -I’ll not complain if thou wilt sing me another song. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -Major, you rascal, another song! - -BLUEGRASS [_aside_]. - -I don’t know any more. - -WHETSTONE [_kneeling_]. - -Sweet Miss Violet, upon this green grass I vow to love you as long as -grass grows. Oh, Miss Violet, you’re too young to know what you may -lose. You may lose the real Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the -capital of Illinois, called Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who -drove the real Indians reeling down the real Mississippi. - -VIOLET. - -Rise, thou mighty chief of merchandise. I set much store by thee. - -WHETSTONE [_rising and aside_]. - -Major, my boy, did you hear that? - -VIOLET. - -Great Prince, it is my humor to be enamoured of thy union of business -and romance. [_Calls to_ NINON _within_. NINON _enters_. BLUEGRASS -_leaves the shrubbery and goes behind_ WHETSTONE, _as his shadow_.] Take -no leaves from my shrubbery. What is’t that’s back of thee, Prince? - -WHETSTONE. - -’Tis but the shadow cast from me by the moonlight. - -VIOLET. - -The tree ’neath which thou standest is cedrine, and its laced boughs, -filtering the moonlight, cast an interlacing shadow on the lawn; upon -this plot, now, in part, a deeper shadow rests, like shadow upon shadow. - -BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative, and_ WHETSTONE _accompanies with -pantomime_]. - -’Tis but a shadow, ’tis but a shadow cast from me by the moonlight. - -NINON. - -I hear ze voice of ze shadow, ze pretty shadow. Oh, zat I had ze shadow -up on ze balcony! Charmant! - -VIOLET. - -Fie, Ninon, what wouldst thou with the fleeting shadow of this Merchant -Prince? Thou hadst not even the shadow of sentiment. - -NINON. - -Dear mistress, I see ze rainbow in ze shadow. Superbe! - -BLUEGRASS [_aside_]. - -I’ve been too long a shadow. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -You rascal, make yourself shorter! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Black slave that I am, thus to serve this merchant prince of -merchandise! - -WHETSTONE. - -I’m a solid man, and my shadow lies solid. - -NINON. - -Poor shadow, come off ze cold, cold ground! - - BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative, and_ WHETSTONE _accompanies with - pantomime_]. - -The shadow is slave to the substance. Who can separate them? None. Who -can separate them? None,--none but Ninon. - -VIOLET. - -Ninon, ’tis marvellously good,--but we must go. [_Slowly going._] -Good-night alike to substance and shadow. Yet, stay! [_Advancing._] -Didst ever study arithmetic? - - BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative, and_ WHETSTONE _accompanies with - pantomime_]. - -Addition I have at my finger-tips. [_Counting notes upon his guitar._] -One, two, three, four, five. Multiplication I have by heart. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -Throw in all the multiplication-table. - - BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative, and_ WHETSTONE _accompanies with - pantomime_]. - -Come, come, let us learn, let us sing. Come, come, let us learn the -multiplication-table. Come, let us sing the multiplication-table. - -VIOLET. - -Thou art too multitudinous, and wert born for the opera; yet I will give -thee a problem that thou shalt solve, not with thy digits, but with thy -pedals. I will teach thee subtraction, and separate thy shadow from thy -substance by plane trigonometry. - -WHETSTONE [_aside_]. - -Major, steady! Listen for the click of the trigger. - -VIOLET. - -A triangle is a sweet instrument in the mathematics of love; for oft, -about the first of April nights, I’ve watched the merry wild geese in -the sky flying northward in musical and far-sounding triangles. - -WHETSTONE. - -I know them well. I have one in my brass band in Cornville. - -VIOLET. - -And yet triangulation by moonlight were a pleasant death, betwixt -substance and shadow. Ninon, girl, quick! bring me my bronze-covered -trigonometry. - -[_Exit_ NINON. - -WHETSTONE. - -Hold on! There must be some mistake here. Please don’t pull any trigger -on us! - -BLUEGRASS [_aside_]. - -And make angels of us! - -WHETSTONE. - -Hold on, Miss Violet! I don’t want to be an angel yet. - -VIOLET. - -There’s no fairer weapon than a book, and I’ll make no angel of thee. - -BLUEGRASS [_aside_]. - -Let’s cap the climax and capitulate. - -_Re-enter_ NINON, _with book_. - -NINON. - -Mistress Violet, here is ze book. - -VIOLET. - -I do not need it now. My memory serves me as well. Prince, fear not; -trigonometry is a peaceful art that maids may practice, and thou beneath -my patient yoke shalt help me draw this triangle. One side thereof shall -be betwixt thy stationed shadow and myself, another ’twixt thy shadow -and thyself, and the base side thereof shall be the distance ’twixt thee -and me,--whose baseness shall increase if it decrease. - -[_Pauses._ - -NINON. - -Kind mistress, wilt thou have ze book? - -VIOLET. - -No book can help me. Now do I pause [_pausing_], for in this triangle -one angle is obtuse and two acute; but my good angel shall help me. ’Tis -better to be right than be acute; therefore it shall be a right-angled -triangle. [_To_ WHETSTONE.] Hence move you backward in the light. -[WHETSTONE _moves backward._] But also from your right. [_He moves from -his right._] Ninon, girl, see, the shadow doth not follow! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Now from this angle do I see my angel. - -NINON. - -I know ze shadow, ze rainbow, ze major, ze grand lover! - - VIOLET [_to_ WHETSTONE, _who has moved until he forms a right angle - with_ BLUEGRASS _and_ VIOLET]. - -Move no further. Thy shadow keeps no pace with thee, and fear might well -oppress a wondering maid less mathematical. Ninon, take and reflect upon -yon shadow. ’Tis thy sum total, and a happy one. - -_Enter_ FOPDOODLE. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Dear Miss Violet, I’m cured. The sheep’s blood is all out of me. Pa says -I may bring you home with me; and Ma says I am a lamb with a golden -fleece, but I must not alarm them by bleating--ba-bah. I have been badly -off--but I assure you I am shorn of my malady. There is no longer any -impediment of speech to our happiness. Oh, how I want to be a noble -husband! Dear Miss Violet, may I, may I address you up so high, and I -down so low? May I? May I? - -VIOLET. - -Thou hast too many Mays in thy calendar, but thou mayst have a cold -March ere thou comest to a timely May. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Star of Violet, come down to the earth. No, no. O earth of black, go up -to the star of Violet. Yes, yes; but the earth can’t do it. What the -deuce is the proper thing? Well, well-- - -VIOLET. - -Thy question lies at bottom of a well too deep for a maid to fathom, -looking down from a balcony. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Dear Miss Violet, may I come up? - -VIOLET. - -Thy ardor is alarming! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Dear Miss Violet, my servant, Tom, has a ladder waiting for me, and I -will climb to thee. Don’t be alarmed; I am harmless, O dazzling Violet! - -VIOLET. - -Lovers should have in their hearts ladders of words better than any made -with hands. Where is thy ladder? - -FOPDOODLE. - -[_Calling to_ TOM, _around the corner_] Tom, my man, bring your master -love’s ladder. - -TOM. - -Good master, I come. - -[TOM _enters with a ladder and sets it against the wall_. - -FOPDOODLE. - -Don’t let it slip! Tom, my man, stand firm. - -[_He ascends._ - -TOM. - -I obey, good master. - -BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative and plays_]. - -See! see! the bold burglar. Help! help! He ascends! he ascends! - -FOPDOODLE [_halting_]. - -I--I--I, Augustus Fopdoodle, a bad burglar man! I--I, the son of my -father, Fopdoodle! Pray, sweet Miss Violet, who are those rude, bad men? - -BLUEGRASS [_sings in recitative and plays_]. - -We are a triangle, and we’ll make a parallelogram of you. We are--we -are--an accurate right-angled triangle, and we’ll make, we’ll make, a -p-a-r--par, a-l--paral, l-e-l--parallel, o--parallelo, -g-r-a-m--parallelogram--of you. - -WHETSTONE. - -Get down off the ladder! - -FOPDOODLE. - -’Tis the voice of the barbarian, Whetstone,--my animal noun, my enemy! - -_Enter_ JACK. - -JACK [_to_ FOPDOODLE]. - -Put the ladder back in the garden! - -FOPDOODLE. - -Help me, good Jack! - -[JACK _takes hold of ladder, and_ FOPDOODLE _tumbles -from it_. - -FOPDOODLE [_rising_]. - -O dazzling Violet, my heart’s in ruins, and I’m turned down. - -[FOPDOODLE, JACK, _and_ TOM _move a short distance with -ladder; when_ TOM _holds, and_ FOPDOODLE _leans upon it_. - - _Enter_ SCYTHE, _observing no one, and with hand-net, in pursuit of - a night-beetle buzzing in the air_. - -SCYTHE. - -Where flies the beetle, I pursue. There, I hear it now! [_The buzz of a -flying beetle is heard._] Lovely night-beetle! Now you rise, and now you -sink in curving flight. [_He pursues, listening, till the sound -ceases._] Now you’ve rested on a night-blooming flower, and I’ll -approach more softly than lover does a dreaming maid, nor wake with -rude-paced step your finer sense of airy motion. [_He advances -cautiously in search._] - -VIOLET. - -See, Ninon; he sees no one. In our time let maids be jealous. Science -has its votaries as deeply rapt as love’s suitors. - -SCYTHE [_stopping, and observing the beetle on a flower_]. - -What a rare and beautiful specimen for the Academy! Since early eve I’ve -followed in the moonlight, through gardens, groves, and lawns. Now I’ll -capture thee. [_He throws his net over the flower, but the beetle, -escaping, flies away with a buzzing sound, while he watches its course -through his glass._] ’Tis a peerless beetle, with wings of purple -filigreed with gold and silver, which leave in sparkling flight a trail -of light. I’ll follow it till morning, but I’ll capture it. - -[_Exit_ SCYTHE _in pursuit, and without having observed any one_. - -VIOLET. - -Alack! few lovers are so ardent in their pursuit, and some do lag most -grievously. [_To_ NINON] One was to come to-night, beneath my window, -whom I’ve yet not seen. - -NINON. - -But see, my mistress, something is coming up ze orchard path. - -VIOLET [_intently observing_]. - -’Tis distant, and yet ’tis bigger than a man’s hand. Why, Ninon, ’tis a -man. How near wouldst thou say he is? - -NINON. - -Courage, my mistress! he has ze fleet pace of ze lover. - -_Enter_ IDEAL. - -IDEAL. - -Dear Violet, in hastening by the orchard path to meet thee ’neath thy -window, I was detained by thy sweet sisters of the field, which sprang -along my path in myriad gayety, while I in blissful fantasy did win -them; and here, accompanied with my love, I tender thee this bunch of -golden-hearted violets. - -VIOLET. - -Why, ’tis my Ideal! I’ll ne’er forsake thee; for were I to forsake my -Ideal, that which were forsaken were better than that which were taken. -To thee I’ll swift descend, and, descending, I’ll ascend. - -[_Exit_ VIOLET. - -NINON [_following_]. - -And I’ll descend to ze grand Major, for ze willing mistress makes ze -willing maid. - -[_Exit_ NINON. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, I’m for a flank movement. We’re in the heat of battle. Let’s head -them off! Let us on! She’s a prize! She’s a thoroughbred! What points -she has! See the points and angles she gave us. She’s worth all! -[_Enter_ VIOLET _and_ NINON, _who are joined by_ IDEAL _and_ BLUEGRASS.] -She must not escape me; I’ll throw in the Eagle. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Hold! Not the Eagle. - -WHETSTONE. - -The bank, the steeple, the stores, the Academy, my farm on Pearl -Creek,--all, all, everything,--but I’ll have her! - -NINON. - -Dear Major, save ze Eagle! - -BLUEGRASS. - -Fear not; we’ll always share ze Eagle between us. - -NINON. - -Ze grand Major will not share ze Eagle,--cut ze fedders off? - -BLUEGRASS. - -Never, my child of innocence, never! We’ll have one sparkling -hearthstone, one sprightly boudoir, one full panoplied Eagle. - -NINON. - -Oui, oui, très joli! charmant! - -_Enter_ NORTHLAKE _and_ CATHARINE. - -NORTHLAKE. - - Good friends, and Mayor Whetstone, welcome all! - It is a happy and auspicious time. - This day the turn of Fortune’s fickle wheel - Hath brought a double gift of joy to me. - This is my wife, from whom I was estranged,-- - My Catharine, light of my youthful life,-- - Now reunited by a tenderer tie - Than held our earlier years of wedded love. - And this same day, by sudden rise of stocks - On the Exchange, my fortune and my niece’s - Have been restored to us. Swiftly hath flown - The time since when, upon a troublous day, - Yon Merchant Prince and I together planned - Without her leave, as men too oft have done, - To violate a gentle maiden’s heart. - But she by maiden wit and nimble mirth - Hath warded off and foiled our ruder blows; - For Nature gives to helpless maids such powers - To guard their hearts as are undreamt of men. - Let us be glad that naught but harmless mirth - Hath been the kind result of deeper plans. - For, friends, good mirth is better than fine gold; - ’Tis Heaven’s mercy shown to weary man, - And falls upon the heart of melancholy - As fall refreshing dews on earth at eve. - And as in sparkling drops of crystal dew - Night-clouded Earth doth clasp the light of stars, - So doth the heart of melancholy catch, - In sparkling laughter, the light of merry hearts. - -WHETSTONE. - -Major, now for my revenge! Send for my housekeeper, my castle-keeper. -Order Susan. I’ll celebrate my nuptials on this sea-girt strand. - -BLUEGRASS. - -Shall I order the nuptial plumage? - -WHETSTONE. - -For both. At once. - -_Enter_ PUNCH _with garments on each arm_. - -PUNCH. - -Ladies and gentlemens, I have some beautiful wedding garments. - -_Enter_ SCYTHE, _enthusiastically, with hand-net and beetle_. - -SCYTHE. - -I’ve caught the beetle! - -[_Exhibiting a large beetle._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Send it to my Cornville Museum! - -NORTHLAKE. - - A word with thee, my gallant Mayor Whetstone: - There’s one within, who, having heard afar - Thy strange adventures in this seaside town,-- - Thy loves, thy titles, and thy masquerades, - And more especially thy fearful duel - In the wood,--instanter boarded cars at Cornville - To rescue and to succor thee in peril; - She’s here,--she waits,--and now she doth appear. - -_He opens a door and_ SUSAN _enters_. - -WHETSTONE. - -Susan! - -SUSAN. - -Hercules! - -WHETSTONE. - -Dear Susan! - -SUSAN. - -Dear Hercules! - -[_They embrace._ - -WHETSTONE. - -Oh, Susan! - -SUSAN [_surveying him_]. - -Why, Hercules, how you’ve changed! I do declare! your clothes are full -of wrinkles. How thin you’ve grown! you must have lost twenty pounds! I -must make you, this very night, a cup of my elder-blossom tea; I’ve -brought the blossoms with me [_taking package from pocket_]. Hercules, -can it be that you would have forsaken your Susan? - -WHETSTONE. - -Why, Susan! - -SUSAN. - -I knew it could never be. - -WHETSTONE [_petting her_]. - -That’s right, Susan; we’ll be married. Think of it, we’ll be married, -Susan! - - [_Music._ POMPEY _and_ HANNIBAL _open doors on veranda, showing - dining-hall; and_ POMPEY _announces that dinner is served_. - -NORTHLAKE. - -May you all be my guests! There’s indoors spread a merry cap-sheaf to -this mirthful wooing. Let all proceed within. - -VIOLET [_presenting_ IDEAL]. - -Uncle, my Ideal. - -NORTHLAKE. - -Violet, my niece, happy art thou who hast for real thy Ideal. - -VIOLET [_persuasively_]. - -Good uncle, thou wilt not cut down the tree in the orchard? - -NORTHLAKE. - -Nay, ’twill bear good fruit in good season. - -VIOLET [_to the company_]. - -A philosophic uncle, and a kind one. - -CURTAIN. - - - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Merchant Prince of Cornville, by -Samuel Eberly Gross - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MERCHANT PRINCE OF CORNVILLE *** - -***** This file should be named 54014-0.txt or 54014-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/0/1/54014/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Merchant Prince of Cornville - A comedy - -Author: Samuel Eberly Gross - -Release Date: January 22, 2017 [EBook #54014] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MERCHANT PRINCE OF CORNVILLE *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/cover_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="332" height="500" alt="[Image of -the book's cover is unavailble.]" /></a> -</p> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="" -style="border: 2px black solid;margin:auto auto;max-width:50%; -padding:1%;"> -<tr><td> - -<p class="c">Contents.<br /> -<a href="#PREFACE_TO_THE_FOURTH_EDITION">Preface to the Fourth Edition.</a><br /> -<a href="#THE_CHARACTERS">The Characters.</a><br /> -<a href="#SYNOPSIS_OF_SCENERY_AND_INCIDENTS">Synopsis of Scenery and Incidents.</a><br /> - -<a href="#Act_the_First">Act the First.</a><br /> -<a href="#Act_the_Second">Act the Second.</a><br /> -<a href="#Act_the_Third">Act the Third.</a><br /> -<a href="#Act_the_Fourth">Act the Fourth.</a><br /> -<a href="#Act_the_Fifth">Act the Fifth.</a><br /></p> - -<p class="c">(etext transcriber's note)</p></td></tr> -</table> - -<p class="cb">The Merchant Prince of Cornville</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_author_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_author.jpg" width="288" height="500" alt="[The image -of the photo and Signature of Samuel Eberly Gross is unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_3" id="page_3"></a>{3}</span></p> - - -<h1> -The<br /> -<br /> -Merchant Prince of Cornville</h1> - -<p class="cb"> -<i>A COMEDY</i><br /> -<br /> -BY SAMUEL EBERLY GROSS<br /> -<br /> -<i>Represented in</i> <span class="smcap">London, England</span>, <i>at the</i> <span class="smcap">Novelty Theater</span>,<br /> -<i>on November 11, 1896</i>.<br /> -———<br /> -FOURTH EDITION.<br /> -———<br /><br /> -<span class="smcap">Chicago and New York</span>:<br /> -RAND, McNALLY & COMPANY,<br /> -<small>PUBLISHERS</small>.<br /> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_4" id="page_4"></a>{4}</span><br /> -<small>Copyright, 1896, by Samuel Eberly Gross.<br /> -All rights reserved.<br /> -<br /> -Copyrighted in England, 1896.</small></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_5" id="page_5"></a>{5}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="PREFACE_TO_THE_FOURTH_EDITION" id="PREFACE_TO_THE_FOURTH_EDITION"></a>PREFACE TO THE FOURTH EDITION.</h2> - -<p>Prompted by the interest which has arisen since the publication of -former editions of this comedy, the author takes occasion to state that -“The Merchant Prince of Cornville” was written between the years 1875 -and 1879. It was circulated and read in manuscript copies until 1895, -when, at the request of many persons, it was placed in the hands of the -printers for publication in book form, from whom printed proofs were -received in July, of that year. In 1896 the first edition appeared in -print from the University Press of Cambridge. In the same year it was -given a single representation at the Novelty Theater, London, with the -object only of securing the acting rights in England.</p> - -<p>One of the purposes of the author is to present the poetic and ideal in -dramatic contrast with the materialistic and commonplace spirit, which, -perhaps, somewhat more strongly than to-day, prevailed two decades ago, -when this comedy was completed; the underlying theme intended to be -developed being that the love of a high-minded and refined woman can be -gained only by appealing to her poetic fancy and finer sensibilities. -How well the objects sought have been attained is left to the judgment -of the reader.</p> - -<p class="r"> -S. E. G.<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Chicago</span>, March 1, 1899.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_6" id="page_6"></a>{6}</span></p> - -<h1>The Merchant Prince of Cornville.<br /><br /> -<small><i>A Comedy.</i></small></h1> - -<h2><a name="THE_CHARACTERS" id="THE_CHARACTERS"></a>THE CHARACTERS.</h2> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary=""> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span></td><td align="left"><i>The Merchant Prince, suitor to Violet.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span></td><td align="left"><i>His secretary.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Scythe</span></td><td align="left"><i>A scientist.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Ideal</span></td><td align="left"><i>A poet, suitor to Violet.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Northlake</span></td><td align="left"><i>A philosopher.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> </td><td align="left"><i>A fop, suitor to Violet.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Tom</span></td><td align="left"><i>His valet.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Punch</span></td><td align="left"><i>A miscellaneous person.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Jack</span></td><td align="left"><i>Son to Northlake and Catharine.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Pompey</span></td><td align="left"><i>A butler.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Hannibal</span></td><td align="left"><i>A servant.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Violet</span></td><td align="left"><i>Niece and ward to Northlake.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Ninon</span></td><td align="left"><i>Her maid.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Catharine</span></td><td align="left"><i>Former wife to Northlake.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Susan</span></td><td align="left"><i>Housekeeper to Whetstone.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td> </td></tr> -<tr><td class="c" colspan="2"><i>Maskers, Musicians, etc.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td> </td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Place</span></td><td align="left"><i>The Seaside.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Time</span></td><td align="left"><i>The Last Quarter of the Nineteenth Century.</i></td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_7" id="page_7"></a>{7}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="SYNOPSIS_OF_SCENERY_AND_INCIDENTS" id="SYNOPSIS_OF_SCENERY_AND_INCIDENTS"></a>SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY AND INCIDENTS.</h2> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> - -<tr><td class="ctop" colspan="3">ACT I.</td></tr> - -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Scene</span></td><td class="rt">I.</td><td align="left"><i>An orchard by the sea. Sunrise. The pursuit and discovery.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">II.</td><td align="left"><i>A pavilion, with view of the sea. The arrival of the Merchant Prince.</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="ctop" colspan="3">ACT II.</td></tr> - -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Scene</span></td><td class="rt"> I.</td><td align="left"><i>On the seashore. Business, science, and romance.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">II.</td><td align="left"><i>Portico of the Dolphin Inn. A speculation in love.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">III.</td><td align="left"><i>A costumer’s shop. A study in characters.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">IV.</td><td align="left"><i>A street. The fop and the ape.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td align="left">V.</td><td align="left"><i>A boudoir. Before the masquerade.</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="ctop" colspan="3">ACT III.</td></tr> - -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Scene</span></td><td class="rt"> I.</td><td align="left"><i>A masquerade. Assembly of the maskers.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">II.</td><td align="left"><i>A balcony. The lover in armor.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">III.</td><td align="left"><i>The same. A minor love affair.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">IV.</td><td align="left"><i>The same. Hearts unmasked.</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="ctop" colspan="3">ACT IV.</td></tr> - -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Scene</span></td><td class="rt"> I.</td><td align="left"><i>A room at the Dolphin Inn. The hour before the combat.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">II.</td><td align="left"><i>A clearing in a wood. The literary duel.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">III.</td><td align="left"><i>The Glen of Ferns. Love’s high noon.</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="ctop" colspan="3">ACT V.</td></tr> - -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Scene</span></td><td class="rt"> I.</td><td align="left"><i>A room at the Dolphin Inn. A prelude to a serenade.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">II.</td><td align="left"><i>A hall in a villa. A speculation in stocks.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td class="rt">III.</td><td align="left"><i>A lawn before a villa. The serenade and finale.</i></td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_8" id="page_8"></a>{8}</span></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_9" id="page_9"></a>{9}</span></p> - -<h1>The Merchant Prince of Cornville.<br /><br /> -<small><i>A COMEDY.</i></small></h1> - -<h2><a name="Act_the_First" id="Act_the_First"></a>Act the First.</h2> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.—<i>An orchard by the sea. Sunrise. Birds singing.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The hour of dawn!—how thrilling and intense!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The matin songs of birds, that dart and soar<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On quivering wings, now break upon the sense<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As sharply as the cannon’s voice at mid-day;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In yonder wood that guards the sea-cliff’s wall,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where sullen shadows shrink away and flee<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before the rising sun’s advancing spears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The day-detesting owl hath turned his back<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unto the light, and sought the sheltering cowl<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of ivy web about the oak-tree thrown;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And all the glowing world,—wood, sea, and sky,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Is most sublimely beautiful beneath<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This pendulous light, that, like an avalanche<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of golden beams.... But I have spoken the word<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That halts my fancy’s flight, and brings me back<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To earth and its dull cares, and our dull age,—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_10" id="page_10"></a>{10}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Our golden age ’tis called: our age of gold,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hard and material, when our best ideals<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But folly seem, all things are bought and sold,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And even love itself is merchandise.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Alas! the many years that I have known,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And many ills, in this same golden age,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Have brought their bitter harvest to my breast,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like frozen grain beaten by winds unkind<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From out the icy north; but as those seeds<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fall sterile on the earth, nor glow with life,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So shall my sorrows take no living root<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Within my bosom.... Now do I recall,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like a sweet picture in a gallery hung,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How I last eve at early twilight watched<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The figure of a lovely maiden bending<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tenderly o’er a vase of new-blown flowers,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Upon a breezy terrace, underneath<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A green-hued lattice-work, that, like a shield<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Embossed with morning-glories, hides and guards<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Her chamber window. Passing there this morn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I looked upon the flowers as one might<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who, barred from out the walls of Paradise,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Would seize some blossom growing sweetly there;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then, while my eager heart tumultuous beat,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sending the tell-tale blushes to my cheek,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I plucked a flower—this crimson, perfumed pink.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis woven from a clod of earth, and yet<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To me ’tis fairer than a star of heaven.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sweet flower! sweet flower! last evening I did see<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_11" id="page_11"></a>{11}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy mistress from her chamber casement lean<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And gaze ecstatic on the pilgrim moon<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tracing a silvery path along the sky;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But thou didst woo her from that magic gaze,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Drawing her to thee with the subtler force<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of finer particles than live within<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cold moon’s slanting beams....<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But soft! yonder my lady’s self appears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Slow moving down the orchard path. I’ll seek<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A covert by this tree. Seeing the hunter<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Doth fright the deer away.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>He hides behind an orchard tree.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Which way’s the robber gone? I’m sure I saw him here.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>What! I’m a robber, am I? Well, this tree hath no tell-tale bark, and -I’ll stay here.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I thought I heard some one speak, but not from underground, for he’s not -a goblin; nor yet from the sky, for he’s not an angel; nor yet from the -earth, for no dreadful man is near. Why, what is that in the sky? ’Tis -last eve’s moon, that will not to her couch by day. To rest! pale -planet. O gentle moon, where is thy blush? Thou art<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_12" id="page_12"></a>{12}</span> dismantled by the -roseate sun. Alack! what divine dramas are there in the skies!</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Oh, would that I within thy circlet’s rim<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Might glide by curves of brightening lawns. In thee<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The day is half a month till noon, and thoughts<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are gentle as the velvet fawns that glide<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From out thy rustling groves. In thee, rare flowers<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Their fragrant balms distil, and perfume wreathes<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The girdling hours. Let me fancy this!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Now doth she see her fragile fancies rise on wings of gossamer, like one -who chases golden butterflies, flying before the dawn. What sweet -mysterious alchemy could beauty such as hers persuade!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>But list; what’s this? A spirit in the tree,—a talking spirit, too! -I’ll listen; ’tis my privilege in this orchard. Go on, sweet spirit, I’m -listening. [<i>Pauses.</i>] Nay, go on, my time is brief; or if thou’dst -rather, I’ll not overhear.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, hear, sweet maid; I’m fated in this tree to dwell, and ne’er before -so spoke my heart unto a maid.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Canst thou not speak in rhymes? Why, spirits should<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_13" id="page_13"></a>{13}</span> be poets too; or is -the tree’s rind too hard? I do pity thee for a poor spirit.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, hear me. When the tree is in its blossom, then rhymes come -fleetest; when the tree is in its fruitage, then rhymes come sweetest. -Thou once, on such a time, didst sit beneath these ripening boughs, in -sweetest reverie wrapt, and I, while musing on thy beauty and the gentle -spirit within thee, did weave these rhymes.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I well remember it; and if thou art a truthful spirit I will listen to -thy rhymes. Thou mayst begin.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">What pure mysterious alchemy<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Doth beauty chaste as thine persuade<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To sublimate its crude degree<br /></span> -<span class="i2">In sweetest herbs of earth displayed!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Stop, stop; I command thee! Thou art much too philosophical for a poet. -I’m weary.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Thou didst halt me in the middle of my verse.</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">For I philosophy discern<br /></span> -<span class="i2">In quivering lips, in liquid eyes,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In rounded neck, and cheeks that burn<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Like rose-leaves ’neath the radiant skies;<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_14" id="page_14"></a>{14}</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">In hair as golden as the sun<br /></span> -<span class="i2">That wreathes the circling grove, and seems<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As fine and delicately spun<br /></span> -<span class="i2">As if ’twere woven of his beams.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou’rt much too flattering for a spirit. Thou art not a cold spirit, -but a warm one. Good spirits should be cold. Mend thy rhymes, or I will -leave thee in thy prison.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>I’ll learn if she beheld my robbery this morn.</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">[<i>Aloud.</i>] Didst thou awake?<br /></span> -<span class="i5">Didst thou awake?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That hour when moonbeams glide away<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Neath limpid tints of twinkling day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When from the wires of its cage,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">That string between from bar to bar,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy prisoned bird, in tuneful rage,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Awoke unto the morning star,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And sang unto the woodland wild<br /></span> -<span class="i2">That hides the sun beyond the hills,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hides, in wavy foliage isled,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">The breezy nest of cooing bills?<br /></span> -<span class="i5">Didst thou awake?<br /></span> -<span class="i5">Didst thou awake?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, that sounds like a morning serenade. Now indeed<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_15" id="page_15"></a>{15}</span> do I know thee for -a spirit of light-tripping gayety; but I’ll answer no questions. I was -wakened by a robber who from my chamber-window plucked my favorite -flower. Spirits should know all things, and not be so inquisitive for -ladies’ secrets.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Give me the wings of yonder lark,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Soaring into the perfumed dawn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Beyond the chimney’s beckoning spark<br /></span> -<span class="i2">That, blackening, strews the beaten lawn.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">For I, within this tree immured,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">With fervent glances scan the ships<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That sail and sail until, obscured,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">The ivory fleet the ocean dips;<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">While swarms of white-winged memories,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Like missive-bearing doves, arise<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From out the pure pellucid seas,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">And float above these orchard skies.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, what pretty fruit that tree doth bear! I have a mind, but, alas! -not the heart, to leave thee in thy tree, to rhyme to me some other day. -Art done? No answer. Then I’ll rhyme, too. Spirit, thy art’s infectious.</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Move slow, thou circlet of the moon,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Turn not to zones thy brightening lawns;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let day be half a month till noon;<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Wake not with light thy distant dawns.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p>But, fie, why doth the genial sun make the moon so pale? I would not -turn so pale were a man to appear in this orchard.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_16" id="page_16"></a>{16}</span> [<i>Pauses.</i>] Sweet -spirit, appear, appear! No answer. Hast lost thy speech, or doth the -tree’s bark encompass thee too closely? If thou art in the trunk of this -fair tree, I’ll petition it with ardent lips to ope its close-bound rind -and let thee out; but how? The tree cannot hear, being deaf, but the -tree can feel, being alive; so then, I’ll kiss thee, thou hard, hard -tree. [<i>Bends to kiss the tree, when</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span> <i>appears and kisses her</i>.] -What spirit art thou in man’s disguise to thus affright a lady who ne’er -did harm to thee, but wished thee well? How couldst thou treat me so?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Fair maid, thou fill’st me with such keen delight I know not what to -say, but pause for utterance, my lips being newly laden with a sweet -burden.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, not so. Thou art too literal. I do entreat thee for an answer.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Thou art the most fair complainant that e’er did sue for answer, and in -a just cause, too. How could the earth resist the sun? How could the sea -resist the tide? How could a spirit resist heaven?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I thought thou wert a spirit who’d been in heaven long ago.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Never before did I even dream of heaven; and for material answer make I -this: Our spirits were kindred, and by that fair relationship I did -salute thee so.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_17" id="page_17"></a>{17}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Now do I know thee: thou art no spirit, but a robber,—a substantial -robber who plucked my favorite pink from my window; but I, rising in -quick haste, followed thee adown this orchard path. Thou thought’st thou -hadst escaped me. I did see thee but half plainly, by the dawn’s most -timorous light that through the lattice wooed my pillow.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>As thou didst wake! Oh, would I were the dawn’s most delicate light that -wooed thy soul’s fair stars exiled within thy crescent-curtained eyes!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>And if thou wert, thou wert but a robber still. Thou hast the flower in -thy hand!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, I have treasured it; yet will I return to thee the pink. ’Tis thy -property.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, keep the flower, if thou lovest it so.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Ay, then I’ll think it had its birth ’neath twilight’s violet sky.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Think not too lightly of the flower; ’tis most rare,—grown from a seed -found in the tomb of an Egyptian<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_18" id="page_18"></a>{18}</span> mummy. She was an ancient princess who -died in the flower of her youth from love ill requited: so reads the -antique parchment entombed with her,—a legend pitiful and true; but -then, ’twas three thousand years ago.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Love has grown more constant since then.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I hope thou wouldst not jest at love?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, not I. I’d sooner jest at all fair properties in heaven and earth -than jest at love.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis a flower of ancient lineage. I planted it with mine own hands, and -watched it grow. What joy I felt to see it grow, I ne’er can tell. When -first its tender bud beseeched the sky, it was athirst; I brought it -water from a crystal spring. From simple bud to leafy stalk it grew, and -then the petals formed, giving sweet promise of a flower; till -yesternight from its green husk the perfect blossom bloomed, and I did -shed a tear upon it, thinking of that poor princess.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Dost think her spirit lives in heaven?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_19" id="page_19"></a>{19}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>That do I most truly. I would not that thou thought’st differently. Thou -couldst not be so cruel!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Thy simple story moves me beyond the power of prayer. Now that the -flower buried with her doth live, let it bequeath a legacy of love most -true and constant to our hearts; so shall the princess from beyond see -within our lives a perfect love wrought by her most heavenly agency. And -here [<i>kneeling</i>], on bended knee, by thy dear hand that’s clasped in -mine, I vow, by all the subtle bonds that nature placed within the world -to bind us to the truth, to love thee ever.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Rise; thou art the planet of my maiden firmament. I do believe thee. My -vow is linked with thine most sweetly and inseparably.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Thy words are bright flowers, whose subtle sweets I do extract and hide -away. Ay, I shall live on them when thou art absent, as the patient bee -lives on his hoarded store in winter.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I hope thou speakest truly as thou dost fairly, for thou speakest as a -poet doth, and I have heard,—but pardon me; I’ll not quote the idle -gossip.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>I pray thee, do.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_20" id="page_20"></a>{20}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Well, then, to heed thy prayer. I’ve heard it rumored that poets, in -their grammar, all the moods of love do conjugate in swift succession.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll prove to thee that gossip is untrue.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ve heard that they are variable; that they contract the four seasons -into the compass of a day,—call the morning spring, the forenoon -summer, the afternoon autumn, and the evening oft the depth of winter; -that they in idle ways say thus: Why, prithee, this forenoon, being in -love beneath the equator, I felt the fervent sun impart his fever to the -earth; but to-night, alack! being out of love, Lapland hath no denizen -colder than I. I pray thou wilt not treat me so.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>By Heaven, ’tis a scandal! I’d have thee try me. Use pique, jest, -coldness, stratagem, and all the dire weapons in a maid’s armory to try -her lover, and if, knowing thou art true, I do not in all love’s humors -love thee still, why then—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Yes, why then—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Why, then, I’ll return to dust.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_21" id="page_21"></a>{21}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Alack! that would be unkind.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, try me.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Perchance I may. [<i>Aside</i>] But only for a moment. [<i>Aloud</i>] How high’s -the sun, pray?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal</span> [<i>looking at his watch</i>].</p> - -<p>I’ll be precise, and timely guard my answer. ’Tis nigh unto five -o’clock; the minute-hand lacks one, the second-hand—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Stop, stop! thou outspeedest Time himself. How desperately thou rushest -from the hour to the minute hand—from thence there is but a fraction of -time to the second hand, which I take to be not a good token; for thou -hadst but a minute ago my hand, and yet thus swiftly thou wouldst -approach a second hand.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Shall we have no watches with second hands?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll have no merchandising. Thou a poet and a lover, and lookest at thy -watch to tell the sun’s height! Alas! put up thy watch; lovers do not -time themselves by watches. Thou wouldst not so at night register the -moon’s<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_22" id="page_22"></a>{22}</span> height; but upon a pressing question, How high’s the moon? -wouldst answer, A little higher than yonder rose-bush, if the moon rose -late; or, perchance, A little higher than yonder tree-top, if the moon -rose early. The sun’s as fine to me by day as the moon by night. Poetry -doth not steal away at dawn of day. But thou must go; good-by for a -moment. [<i>Looks up the orchard path.</i>] Nay, good-by for all day, for I -do spy my guardian uncle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Dreams do not end but oft begin at dawn. Give me leave to walk with thee -at midday in the Glen of Ferns.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>High noon must be high dream-time when poets love. Await me there -to-morrow.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>High noon will brighter grow when thou dost come.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>As fair spoken a robbery as e’er the sun shone upon. A fair and gallant -robber, too, who robs me of my heart in broad daylight, detected in the -very act by his own watch. I made the robber tell the hour and minute, -so that in any court no cruel alibi could lie. I’m fain to think I’ll -ne’er again detect so fine a robber. Who’s he? What’s he? I know not, I -care not. I would not ask that question rude and mercenary. I do but -know he’s the most gentle<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_23" id="page_23"></a>{23}</span> gentleman I e’er did meet. Oh, if this be -love, ’tis very kind and sweet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>afar in the orchard, calls</i>].</p> - -<p>Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis very strange, for I have heard in sundry rhymes, and good rhymes -too, that moonlit eves were the only seasons suited for robberies so -thinly veiled as this. Why, my own heart doth beat as if there were two -hearts within, and I had gained another rather than lost my own. How can -it be? But gently,—I’ll not argue the question; ’tis much too deep and -sweet for idle questioning. Sweet argument, wait for my uncle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>afar, calls</i>].</p> - -<p>Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, I forgot to ask his name! I could not call him did I wish to, and I -might wish, being affrighted. Yet he shall not want so simple a matter; -I’ll give him a name. I’ll call him [<i>commandingly</i>] Oliver! -[<i>Entreatingly</i>] Oliver! thy Violet calls thee. [<i>Indifferently</i>] -Oliver! I do not like the name, ’tis too round.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>afar</i>].</p> - -<p>What, ho, Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll call him Peter. What, ho [<i>piquantly</i>], Peter! ’Tis too piercing; -I’ll none of it. Let me think: I’ll call him<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_24" id="page_24"></a>{24}</span> [<i>slowly</i>] Daniel! Dost -hear me [<i>inquiringly slow</i>], Daniel? I like it no better than the -first. ’Tis too long.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>nearer</i>].</p> - -<p>Where art thou, Violet?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll call him—yes, I’ll call him Joseph. [<i>Tenderly</i>] Joseph! wilt thou -not come? Thy Violet calls thee. No, no, ’tis a mistake; I’ll not call -him Joseph,—’tis too, too flat. I’ll call him—let me see—I’ll call -him a name borne by none other, oft dreamed by me, but never met until -this morn. I’ll call him my Ideal, my dear, dear Ideal.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>very near</i>].</p> - -<p>Violet! Where can the maiden be? [<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake</span>.] I surely saw her -going down the orchard path. [<i>Discovers</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.] Why, there thou art! -Why didst thou not answer me?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Didst thou call me?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Did I call thee? Why, if I called once, I called thee twenty times. I’m -almost hoarse with calling. Why art thou out at break of day? One might -almost think thou wast in love, to rise so early.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_25" id="page_25"></a>{25}</span></p> - -<p>Violet [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>That am I.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Thy lover comes to-day.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>I wonder if he knows!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>He’s rich, a thorough business man and solid gentleman.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I don’t like solid gentlemen. Who is he?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>A princely merchant in the West, and owner of banks, mills, stores, -houses, and lands. Thou shalt have a list of it all made for thee on -satin. Profits of business are five hundred thousand a year. Think of -it! thy wedding-dresses of white satin!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>abstractedly</i>].</p> - -<p>Shall I have five hundred thousand dresses of white satin a year?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>No, no; thou hast mixed the profits of the business with the number of -dresses.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_26" id="page_26"></a>{26}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Are the profits of the business five hundred thousand white satin -dresses a year?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Stop, now; this shall all be explained after thou art married.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>But I’ll have it explained before I’m married.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Be patient, Violet. He will woo thee properly, and explain all things. I -am to meet him at the Dolphin Inn to-day. He’ll be in a very good humor -at my account of thee.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’m well enough without his good humor. Pray, what’s his name?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>A merchant prince, the Honorable Hercules Whetstone, Mayor of Cornville.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>laughing</i>].</p> - -<p>What a name! Ha! ha! Couldst thou not add something to it? ’Tis too -short.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Thou wilt be added to it.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_27" id="page_27"></a>{27}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>That will I not be.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>What’s this,—rebellion? Who’s been here? Hast thou seen any one in this -orchard?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>No one but my Ideal.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>That’s too insubstantial.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>More substantial than thou dreamest.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>I’d think thou wast bewitched by love, did I not know thou never hadst a -lover.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>That was true yesterday; but to-day! [<i>Sighing</i>] Ah, well-a-day!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Thou speakest truly. Thou hast a lover now, and before the night passes -thou shalt see him.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Shall I?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_28" id="page_28"></a>{28}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>He’ll be weary from his travels, and to-day, no doubt, will require -rest; but he’ll meet thee to-night at the masked ball. Come, then, to -the villa, so that to-night thou mayst appear refreshed.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’m not weary. Oh, that sweet, sweet tree!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Why, what’s in that tree? ’Tis but an orchard tree.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll wager thee, ’twill bear sweet fruit.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Why, what a fever thou art in!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’m not in a fever. A child that never ventured in the fields may know a -blossom when it sees it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Come, thy maid, Ninon, has risen, and awaits thee. Thy feet are damp -with morning dew from the grass.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_29" id="page_29"></a>{29}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>The dew of love is in my heart; and that’s not damp.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>This comes of teaching thee, from childhood, philosophy in my melancholy -moods. I’ll never again teach thee philosophy, though I be as melancholy -as Democritus, since thou dost use the philosophy I teach thee against -thine uncle and teacher, instead of against the world.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>For the good philosophy thou didst teach me, I’ll love thee all my days. -But, uncle, is this marriage good? ’Twere not good, ’twere not -philosophical.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Alas, dear Violet! [<i>Aside</i>] If she but knew! [<i>Aloud</i>] I cannot give -thee thy dues except by this marriage. Thou wast my favorite sister’s -only child; and when she left thee and thy fortune to my guardianship, I -promised to protect thy fortune, and watch over thee even as my own -daughter. Now I will get thee a good husband; for he’s rich, and a solid -gentleman.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Who’s a solid gentleman?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Why, the Honorable Hercules Whetstone.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_30" id="page_30"></a>{30}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, puzzle thy Whetstone!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>I fear thou’lt puzzle him, Violet. But never mind; come, come now.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, thou sweet tree; I cannot leave thee!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Why, there must be some witchery in that tree! I’ll have it cut down and -burnt.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, good uncle, thou wouldst not have the tree cut down. ’Tis a good -and thrifty tree that never did harm to any one, and therefore I love -the tree. [<i>Takes his arm.</i>] Dear uncle, do not cut it down. Thou art a -good, dear uncle, and I will go with thee; and thou wilt let the tree -live.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>going</i>].</p> - -<p>Well, then, come, come! I’ll let the tree live.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_31" id="page_31"></a>{31}</span></p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II.—<i>A pavilion, with view of the sea. Forenoon.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, and <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Who knows but, in the chemistry of Heaven, we, this noble race of men, -are but parasites feeding in space upon a crust of earth encompassing a -fiery particle!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>What a glorious thing is one of our ordinary mundane cycles of time! -’Tis only a day; and yet it is a legacy too great for the richest man to -put in his will. Let no one be so brazen as to attempt to belittle this -magnificent star of ours.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Hold! Professor Scythe, is that the so-called sea?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>examining it with his glass</i>].</p> - -<p>Yonder liquid and corrugated mass is the rumpled outskirts of the sea. -In our scientific formula, it is the correlation of a mighty power.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>taking glass and examining</i>].</p> - -<p>I can believe you.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_32" id="page_32"></a>{32}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hercules Whetstone, patron of the arts and sciences, founder and -president of the Cornville Academy as a paying investment, and nourisher -of its infant civilization, proprietor of the Cornville Eagle—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>One moment, Major Bluegrass: that will do for the home market, but not -among strangers. I’ve given you both a summer vacation, so that you may -enjoy yourselves, and work harder when you return. Now, look around, -store up knowledge, and—I won’t deduct the time from your salaries. -That’s business. But you must be more particular about my titles. Always -speak of me to strangers as the Honorable Mayor Hercules Whetstone, the -Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the capital of Illinois,—called -Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the Indians down the -Mississippi. Do you follow me?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>.</p> - -<p>We do.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, why was I so long pent up in the heart of a continent? I can remain -on land no longer.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>taking out his note-book and writing</i>].</p> - -<p>Item,—this is important. Major Bluegrass, long pent up in the heart of -the American continent, upon his first<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_33" id="page_33"></a>{33}</span> sight of the sea wishes to swim. -This is of great scientific value, as it shows the recurrence, after -long deprivation, of an inherited pre-Adamite instinct; for we read that -Adam walked, but never that he swam, therefore are we driven to the -waters for evidence. It proves the origin of man from the oyster, or -some more ancient inhabitant of the sea.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I am no fish, nor ever was. I’d rather spring from a rainbow than a -pond.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>A pond is your rainbow come to earth.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I must swim. Oh, Mayor Whetstone, let us all swim!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>writing in his note-book</i>].</p> - -<p>The pre-Adamite instinct in the presence of its primary environment -manifests increasing ratio.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Professor, take your increasing ratio and slide down to the imponderable -roots of the sea. I must get out of this prison of clothes, and into the -water.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, try to feel comfortable with your clothes on, for you’d soon be -imprisoned without them.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_34" id="page_34"></a>{34}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>No dungeon of clothes can hold me! What a lofty repose comes over me as -I survey yon glittering expanse of water, like a blue field of -undulating velvet! A tear of joy I give to thee, O mighty sea!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>writing in his note-book</i>].</p> - -<p>Item,—he returns a saline tear to the sea, in memory of his pre-Adamite -ancestor. This is the pre-Raphaelism of natural selection.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You are my scientist, my threefold Professor of three chairs,—natural -science, hygiene, and agriculture,—in my Cornville Academy. Now, to -create a money-making hunger for science at the Academy we must -popularize it. Therefore, give me the scientific facts about the sea in -a popular sort of way, so that all may understand and enjoy them.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Its remote abysses are inhabited by the mammoths of natural history and -evolutionary philosophy; and vast herds of sea-cattle graze upon its -marine meadows, like buffaloes upon the prairies. In fact, our prairies -were once the bottom of the sea, and the buffaloes were supposed to have -been left when the waters receded.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Your marine buffaloes must wear anchors around their necks, instead of -cow-bells.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_35" id="page_35"></a>{35}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Not so. Nature always provides for her creatures; for, as birds soaring -above the mountain-tops have great wings of feathers, so, on the other -hand, these cattle have immense hoofs, of a substance resembling lead, -but much heavier than the lead of commerce.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>That adds to their commercial value. Major Bluegrass, you’re my private -secretary, and editor of my Cornville Eagle: what do you know about the -sea?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I only know what I want to see: I want to see the sport the mermaids see -down in their prismatic sea homes, drinking out of beautiful sea-shells, -while pearls drop at their iridescent feet. Oh, Hercules Whetstone, you -are rich! Get me a diving-bell. I’ll interview the mermaids for the -benefit of the Eagle, scoop our rival, the Hawkeye Observer, and send up -the Eagle’s circulation ten thousand.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Blue thunder, Major, be calm! Ever since we arrived here you’ve been as -excited as if you expected to see a drove of fairies and hobgoblins jump -out of every bush and dance in the air.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>He may have caught the infection of the season: for it is now the -so-called fairies’ season of drolleries and bewitchments.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_36" id="page_36"></a>{36}</span> It was a -delusion of the ancients, and yet it had some scientific basis,—for -science shows that this full summer tide heightens and ripens the -natural dispositions of men, so that what is most natural in them often -seems most strange.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Professor, examine his hygiene, and see if he needs any medicine.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>feeling his pulse</i>].</p> - -<p>What’s this? Why, this pulse beneath my finger is the alarm-bell of a -disordered system! Open wide your eyes. [<i>Looking into his eye.</i>] What a -distended foresight have we here! The pupil of the eye is dilated like -an owl’s.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>The owl stands for wisdom.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Silence! Hold out your tongue! [<i>He opens his mouth.</i>] It has an -overcoat with a high color. [<i>Taking out a thermometer.</i>] The -temperature is seventy-two outside [<i>taking the temperature under his -tongue</i>], and inside, under the shade of the tongue, it is ninety-nine -and nine-tenths. Why, we are approaching spontaneous combustion! -[<i>Feeling his forehead.</i>] And your forehead is as hot as a volcano. -Mayor Whetstone, you may in a few hours lose your private secretary.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_37" id="page_37"></a>{37}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I cannot afford to lose him yet; save him, Professor, save him!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>I will obey. The unimpeachable symptoms indicate hypothetical -impoverishment of the blood, complicated by a highly inflamed excitation -of the nerve-tissues. We must at once build up an iron constitution.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Build him up, Professor, he’s too sensitive; make an ironclad man of -him, like myself. Give him ribs of iron.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>presenting two pills</i>].</p> - -<p>Here are two pills of iron. I’m an Eclectic. This in my right hand is -the mammoth shell of the Allopathic school, and this in my left, -balanced upon a point of my little finger, and no larger than a solitary -grain of mustard-seed, is a fine shot of the Homœopathic school.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I don’t choose either of your schools. I belong to the Hydropathic -school.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>He who will not swallow a school of medicine to save his life, must be -made to do so. Here, Professor, while I hold him, give him a schooling.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>They try to give</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>an iron pill</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_38" id="page_38"></a>{38}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Friends, have you no philopena? Give me no pill of iron. May you ne’er -sleep with down within your pillow! Oh! put me in a pillory, but put no -pill in me. Oh! [<i>They succeed in giving him a pill.</i>] I’m pilled; the -iron has entered my system; how very hard I’ll soon lie down upon my -little pillow. And thou, hard Whetstone, thus to sharpen Scythe to mow -me down! Cæsar was stabbed by the iron daggers of the conspirators, but -I am slugged by an iron bolus from the hands of my friends. This is -ironical. Alas! I am a pundit; for as a typical representative of the -pun, e’en while the iron was in my heart I have doubly punn’d it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>The iron that enters your blood gives life, not death. Thus does modern -science show her supremacy over ancient passion.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>You speak well. I’m better now. I acquit you both, and greet you as my -friends. [<i>They all shake hands.</i>] What a weird place for a marine poem! -Would that a seamaid I might be made to see!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Hold on; I have it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>What?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Sea-cattle, Professor: they live?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_39" id="page_39"></a>{39}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Most profoundly! Among wild cattle are the sea-lion, sea-elephant, -sea-unicorn—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Stop! We must get a so-called unicorn for the Cornville Aquarium.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Among domestic cattle, vast droves of sea-pigs—in our inland -nomenclature called porpoises—appear upon its surface when the sea -boils, before a storm; and sea-calves, sea-cows, and sea-oxen roam its -salt sea pastures.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>This is the romance of science.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>We must land them!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>What do you purpose to do with the porpoises and other sea-cattle?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>How little you know of the grand possibilities of business! Why, I’ll -build up a new industry on these shores. I am the Merchant Prince of -Cornville. Here I’ll be a sea-cattle king; I’ll make a fresh fortune in -my gigantic monster emporium for salted sea-cattle. And now to the -Dolphin Inn, where I’m to meet Northlake. Then for business by the sea.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_40" id="page_40"></a>{40}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="Act_the_Second" id="Act_the_Second"></a>Act the Second.</h2> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.—<i>On the seashore. Afternoon.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Well, boys, I’ve seen Northlake, and we’ve all had a good dinner. A good -dinner is also a good romance. Never despise money. Do you follow me?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>.</p> - -<p>We do.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Then let us come to business at once. I’ve brought you out here to have -a consultation, and to get your opinion on certain things, each in his -own department of learning, according to the salaries I pay you. I’ve -arranged to do a fine piece of business. I’m a man of business, and I’m -a man in love. I’m in love with my business, and I’ll make a business of -my love. Professor, how should a man dress to be a so-called lover?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>That depends; but this is true: He that loves is like a traveller -between the north and south poles, and he will need different suits of -clothing, and philosophy.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_41" id="page_41"></a>{41}</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>.</p> - -<p>What an explanation! [<i>laughing</i>] ha-ha-ha!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Professor, what is the laugh?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>My analysis of the laugh is not yet completed, and I am now seeking to -produce the missing link. However, the juxtaposition of two incongruous -yet contemporaneous images in the mind is simultaneous with contrasting -and varying pressures upon the electrically charged nerves. These -varying pressures by reflex action cause the pleasurable action of the -muscles called the laugh. Let me illustrate. By varying and alternating -pressures upon the electrically charged nerves of the eye there is -presented to the mind the image of a lover caressing a maiden; and just -beyond, the one view overlapping the other, we see a donkey eating the -lover’s bouquet, and then [<i>laughing</i>] ha—ha—ha!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>The donkey took the bouquet for an offering of beau’s hay.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Be silent. No trifling with science! Professor, analyze me Violet.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_42" id="page_42"></a>{42}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I know! I’m at home in colors.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Attention! We’re now in science.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>The flower violet is the only organic substance in which science has -discovered a trace of gold.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Gold and Violet found together,—good! Why, science is a fortune-teller. -Go on!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>It is the most refrangible of the seven primary colors of the solar -spectrum.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s refrangible?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I know!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Steady there, Bluegrass!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_43" id="page_43"></a>{43}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Let me illustrate. You discover by a violet light a beautiful fish in -the water, and you wish to catch it. Now, you must throw your hook, -dart, or net, not directly at it, but a considerable space this side, -according to the depth.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>That’s fishing under difficulties. Do you mean to say that a man can’t -see straight in a violet light?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I know! let me explain.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Listen to the Professor!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Violet light passing from one medium into another of a different density -becomes most refractory, and turned out of a direct course at an angle: -in other words, you must angle for your fish. See my Tables on Molecular -Structure, Density, etc., determined by angles of refraction.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>So if I get the hang of the angles and depth, I’m all right, am I?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_44" id="page_44"></a>{44}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>In a scientific sense, you are.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, ho! then I’m pretty well posted on Violet. Now for the next point: -Professor, what is love?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>With the passionless precision of science, I say unto you, Mayor -Whetstone, though she you love is the most symmetrical duplex pyramidal -aggregation of atoms in the human saccharine conglomeration, shun love, -and court science; for by spectroscopic analysis of the light proceeding -from the eyes of jealous lovers, I have seen their spleen turning a dark -green.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I didn’t know it was so bad as that! Major, how do you regard love, from -the heights of romance?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>A region of enchantment.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Yonder valley with verdure clothed would be a capital place for my -emporium for porpoises, or so-called sea-pigs.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I implore you, Mayor Whetstone, do not project across<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_45" id="page_45"></a>{45}</span> my mental line of -sight that animal, either in its terrestrial or marine form.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>He fills his destiny to the full; and besides, he is the most -intelligent of animals. It is a historical fact that he was taught to -play whist fifty years before the clever dog.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He jars on the landscape, and is a discord amidst the dulcet harmony of -the waves.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What would you have? The good pig eats all he can while he can; -therefore he eats like a pig. Major Bluegrass, let me hear no more of -your disparaging comments on the honest and assiduous pig,—the most -useful and business-like of all our domestic animals. He can nobly hold -up his head and represent corn converted. And while he turns the -cornfields into bank-notes, shall we blame him if he does not serenade -us with the notes of a silver flute?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>I wish to make a moral observation upon a physical basis: Major, if the -formula of your destiny were identical with the pig’s, you would give -rise to more discordant vocalization than even that disgruntled animal.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_46" id="page_46"></a>{46}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He may be the most useful animal upon this magnificent star of ours; but -though his good points were as many as his bristles, they could not -excuse his shortcomings. The limited geographical prospects of his pen -should make him deeply contemplative of the stars; instead of which he -roots deeply in the earth. Hence he takes a step backwards, and, instead -of increasing his wit, he increases only his weight.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Man is like a reversed vegetable that has swallowed its roots and walked -off on its branches. Why, what is that at my feet? Let me pick it up -tenderly. Hurrah! I’ve got a geologic pebble! See, Mayor Whetstone, what -a rare, grand specimen for the prehistoric museum of the Cornville -Academy!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s it worth?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Worth! Mercenary man! Let us reverently take off our hats in its -presence. It’s worth more than all the property in Cornville. See, -Major, see!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Put it in your pocket, or some one will claim it.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_47" id="page_47"></a>{47}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Unfeeling man! No one shall claim it. You saw me pick it up. You are my -witnesses.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>To what geologic family does it belong?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>It is a genuine relic of the cosmic dust. Hurrah! I’ve got a geologic -pebble! See the fluted sheets of color pervading its interior! It must -have been suspended in the pre-Adamite fires for ages. Gentlemen, -remember you have seen no meteors in the sky.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Taking out his note-book and writing.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Small Boy</span>, <i>crying</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Boy.</span></p> - -<p>Give me my marble!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Why, boy, this is no marble. ’Tis a very rare specimen of the dewdrop -form of crystallization, precipitated during the prevalence of the -primeval sand-storms, formed by the cooling of the stony vapors.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Boy.</span></p> - -<p>Give me my marble, or I’ll call my mother!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_48" id="page_48"></a>{48}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Professor, you may have picked up the wrong specimen.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>There can be no mistake. Let me examine it with my microscope. -[<i>Examining it.</i>] I clearly recognize the uniformity of its circular -strata of color, which could be formed only as it revolved on its own -incandescent axis in super-heated fires. Boy, look through this glass, -and then see if you have the youthful cheek to say it is—I tremble to -say it—your marble.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Boy</span> [<i>looking at it through the glass</i>].</p> - -<p>That’s my colored marble; I was playing with it. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>.] Make him give it back to me, won’t you? It has a nick and -the first letter of my name on it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>surprisedly, re-examining it</i>].</p> - -<p>Why, boy, I cannot afford an unscientific controversy with you or your -mother. Alas! take it. [<i>Giving marble to the</i> <span class="smcap">Boy</span>.] And when again you -play with it, remember— [<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Boy</span>, <i>hastily</i>.] Thus do my hopes of a -pre-Adamite museum wither. It was a unique specimen of the circular -group of crystallization dreamed of by science, but hitherto -undiscovered. Major, here comes your seamaid.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_49" id="page_49"></a>{49}</span></p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span> <i>in disguise, with a basket of fish</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>Good afternoon, gentlemen landsmen! I have fish in my basket; will you -buy? I have your fortunes in my keeping; will you have them?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I salute you, by the sea, as a near relative in the fields of romance to -the milking-maid of our inland pastures.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>I take you to be landsmen, and, therefore, good fresh men. I am a -fortune-teller with varied fortunes. Each summer, for a month, to these -shores I come to renew and perfect the spirit’s vision, which, even like -natural sight, is cleared by good free air and sunshine; and as men with -glasses have seen ten hundred living things upon a pin’s point, so I, -with spiritual lenses, have seen the past, present, and future, each in -proper order, marshalled upon a space no larger than a spectacle glass.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Pardon me,—your name and home?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>My name is Catharine, and my home is wherever I am. I come from the -city, where there are more sharks in one day than you will see here in a -year, and where people in<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_50" id="page_50"></a>{50}</span> despair come to me for the fortune fate has -denied them. I am more pitiful than fate; and their pleased looks give -me a joy greater than does their pittance. Hence, poor souls, I give -them precious pictures of future good, which, believing in, they -achieve, and thus their griefs assuage.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>We all, to-day, bear our fortunes lightly.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>And may you at nightfall bear them as lightly! Fine weather makes quick -friends. Come, then, gentlemen, will you buy? Each one in his own humor. -If there be a true merchant among you, I will tempt him with the fish’s -weight; if there be a moralist, with the fish’s moral; if there be a -scientist, with the fish’s complicated structure; if there be a poet, -with the fish’s most poetical history; if there be a gourmand, with the -fish’s flavor. Each one shall see in the fish he buys, his own humor. He -shall have both weight and moral; for a good moral without weight is -immoral, and a good weight without a good moral is a dull measure. You -shall pay me for the weight, for that the fish had in the sea; but for -the moral, that is in my humor, and gain has taken a vacation. Every one -has his pastime, and no one is so poor but he has his humor. Mine is to -see men buy a fish, each in his own humor; for by the fish’s scales will -I weigh him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_51" id="page_51"></a>{51}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>How came your hair so white at your age?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>With losing of my husband, and giving of good fortunes. But come, -gentlemen; fair weather makes quick friends, but unfair questions, like -unfair weather, part them. Will you buy?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Let us buy.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Let us first learn the price of the fish.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>It sounds to me like a romance. Come, let us all sit here in pleasant -converse; the night is afar, and while we buy we’ll enjoy the aroma of -the salt-sea zephyrs blown from off the invisible flower-beds of the -sea.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Stop your perpetual romance!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Romance that is not perpetual, but goes by fits and starts, is not worth -the reality it feeds upon.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_52" id="page_52"></a>{52}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’d put the price on everything,—trees, fences, houses, the baby’s -rattle, and in its first primer a price-list of its expenses.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hercules Whetstone, Mayor of Cornville, there are some things upon this -magnificent star of ours that are not in the market,—things so high -that you cannot reach and put a price upon them in the cold-blooded -shambles of merchandise.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>There you go again, trying to throw star-dust in your benefactor’s eyes. -Oh, why did I make you editor of my Cornville Eagle?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Because your Eagle was asleep, and I was the only one who could wake him -up and make him soar into a higher circulation. He looked like a whipped -buzzard that had dulled his talons upon old newspapers; but I put new -life into him; and now that I have made you the proprietor of a -newspaper which is a household word, and which will be in every -scholar’s library at the close of human learning, you scoff at me. Such -is glory in a commercial age! Columbus may discover, but the merchant -Americus gives his name to two continents.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Good woman, some undesirable chemical change may take<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_53" id="page_53"></a>{53}</span> place in your -fish. I would advise you to put some salt on them. I am a chemist.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>The fish are dead; they cannot hear.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Mayor Whetstone, why do you not change the Eagle to the Hawkeye Review -of Western Science?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Strip that proud bird of his plumage, and in less than seven revolutions -of this magnificent star of ours he will have fewer followers than a -vanquished rooster.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, I cannot resist you. You are my true, my great and only editor. -Give me your hand; let us be friends.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Now let us go on with our romance. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>.] Bring on your fish!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>There are as queer fish inside as outside the basket, I’ll warrant you. -[<i>She presents the basket to</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>; <i>he selects a codfish</i>.] That -is a fish in weight and look of much import,—the codfish. He is an -aristocrat among the shoals and schools, and he has done much to build -up our own<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_54" id="page_54"></a>{54}</span> aristocracy. [<i>She presents the basket to</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>and he -selects a Holothurian</i>.]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Why, madam, this is a rare fish, a Holothurian, vulgarly called a -sea-cucumber, from its resemblance to that common garden vegetable. I’ll -mount its skeleton at once. It is the fish of science, and has the power -of analysis; for ’tis written that when attacked, for self-protection it -will divide itself into many pieces, or turn itself inside out.</p> - -<p><i>She presents the basket to</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>and he selects a flying-fish</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>How beautiful!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>Yes, ’tis a flying-fish, which, rising above the heavy and obscurer -element of its kind, and using its fins as wings, in aërial courses, -sparkling like a jewel, beholds the glittering and sunlit scenery of the -upper air. There is much similarity between these excursions and the -poet’s fancies. And as these lower creatures in their airy flights -excite the wonderment of fishes and please men, so may human excursions -in the higher element of fancy excite the wonderment of men and please -the gods.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>in admiration</i>].</p> - -<p>Madam, consider yourself engaged as sea-side correspondent of the -Cornville Eagle: topic, sea-fish and their<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_55" id="page_55"></a>{55}</span> morals. Please accept my -card, and draw upon me for a month’s salary.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Gives his card.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>writing in his note-book</i>].</p> - -<p>Item,—this is important. In evolution, the grasshopper sprang from the -flying-fish.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What birds are those flying above the waves and darting like flying -squirrels?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>They are the larks of the sea, and in the wake of a ship are wider awake -than your land larks.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Madam, with your permission,—upon the first streak of dawn our common -meadow-lark has been known to climb the heavenly vaults above this -magnificent star of ours like a morning-glory of song.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Professor Scythe, explain.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>examining the birds with his glass</i>].</p> - -<p>Leaving, for a moment, grave mysteries of the deep upon the floor of the -abysmal sea, we ascend to trace in the flight of a simple bird its name -and family. The wings of the bird<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_56" id="page_56"></a>{56}</span> are the pre-Adamite forefeet of an -animal which, through ceaseless efforts of evolution, became crowned -with feathers. From the movements of these feathered forefeet we can -tell all about the bird. Now, Mayor Whetstone, take this glass. [<i>He -gives glass to</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <i>who follows the movements of the bird with -it</i>.] Now watch closely the parabola of dip or curve of flight that puts -it in the great family of web-footed water-fowls. See the unwavering -scoop, the practiced and web-footed ease with which it grazes a wave. We -have before us a genuine sea-gull.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, put that in the Eagle, and see how it looks in print. Something’s -bitten me! it must be one of your sea-fleas.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Looking up his sleeve.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Sea-flea; do you see it?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>To see a flea, you must flee the sea,—unless perchance you may see a -deep-sea flea such as I have at the bottom of my basket. [<i>Takes out a -lobster.</i>] This is the wicked flea the fisherman pursues. He will give a -biting relish to your codfish.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Offers lobster to</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <i>who draws back</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Is he dead?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_57" id="page_57"></a>{57}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>Such is his seeming.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What a monster! [<i>Observing the lobster.</i>] Professor, what’s his -scientific history?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>weariedly</i>].</p> - -<p>I don’t know.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Don’t know! Professor, it cost me a heap of money to build my nursery of -learning, the Cornville Academy, and I’m going to make it the biggest -paying institution on this broad continent. I’ve advertised you in -letters big as fence-posts as our own prided prince of science, engaged -at an enormous salary. There are already applications for next term from -over five hundred anxious fathers of wonderful sons. Can I afford to -disappoint them? No. Can you stand there and calmly tell me you cannot -give me so simple a thing as the history of a deep-sea flea?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>looking at lobster with his glass</i>].</p> - -<p>In the race for life, he first made his appearance in the epoch of the -mammoth, anterior to the gigantic antediluvians, before the apparition -of man upon the earth, and at a season in the progressive series of -pre-Adamite evolution soon after the separation of the crocodile branch -from the main stem, about forty-five millions of years ago.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_58" id="page_58"></a>{58}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Astonishing! so long as that?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>I will not in detail give his scientific biography. It is sufficient -that during this period he gorged himself with the blood of these -primeval mammoths, which accounts for his size, and often, frenzied by -the harrowing appetite of this parasite, these gigantic and prehistoric -brutes made the primeval forests for a hundred miles ring with their -helpless bellowings. But I will not further excite your pity for the -remote ages.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Go on, Professor, go on!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>This was the summer of his race; but, alas! then came the glacial -period. He was frozen up with the mammoths, and remained so for probably -twenty millions of years; but such was his tenacity of life, that when -the world thawed out, he again appeared, his skin somewhat hardened by -exposure,—a fact which you will recognize,—but otherwise cheerful, and -in his usual health. Well may his kind be grateful; for, wrapped in ice -for æons of time, he was the slender thread upon which their future -hung.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>But why did he take to the sea?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_59" id="page_59"></a>{59}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>After the apparition of man upon the earth he was driven into the sea by -the excited inhabitants.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, this is truly wonderful. The Academy will succeed.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis the very romance of science.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>But, Professor, what was the glacial period?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Well, sir, the glacial period was an epoch when, from a business point -of view, ice was cheaper than dirt. Had the apparition then occurred, -man could have gone all over the globe on skates. But as it was a vast -ball of ice, he would probably have slipped off into space, and nothing -more would have been heard of him. And so this star of ice for countless -ages rolled on through the sky like a big snow-ball; but at last the -great electric sun struck the earth on the equator, which accounts for -the equatorial bulge which exists to this day. Then commenced the -greatest drama of the elements ever witnessed upon our planet. The vast -ice-fields were riven in twain, with terrific reports which reverberated -through the heavenly spaces, and to which our present thunder is but as -an elemental whisper. Icebergs formed, and in fantastic<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_60" id="page_60"></a>{60}</span> and sublime -shapes, towering mountain high and illuminated by the sun, floated down -towards the equator.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Go on, don’t stop; go on.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Then commenced the great oscillation of the land-masses; then the -eruptive rocks and sedimentary strata were moved from their foundations. -Then occurred the geologic epoch of the denudation and washdown of hills -and mountains, and then were formed the ocean floors, the islands, and -the continental areas which we inhabit.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Put that in the Eagle. [<i>The lobster clings to him.</i>] Hello! What’s the -matter now? Professor! Major! Woman! Take off your flea!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Be a hero!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Great thunder! take him off. He has claws to his eyes. [<i>Takes off his -coat, with the lobster clinging to it.</i>] Major, this is your fault. -Don’t speak to me again until you apologize. Come, Professor.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>carrying his coat with lobster -clinging to it</i>.</p></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_61" id="page_61"></a>{61}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>Fair is your prairie wit, and these sea-scenes have keen spices which -well try its mettle. He that is young and fresh shall have the salt of -experience. Many that come here to be salted by the sea are seasoned by -love. Would you be so seasoned?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>If it be a fair, good seasoning.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>At yonder villa by the sea I well know Mademoiselle Ninon, a French maid -who is in friendly service to one Violet. She has a dainty wit, with a -foreign flavor that will season you well.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Acquaint us. I would be so seasoned.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>To-day she comes that I may tell her fortune. Be at the masquerade -to-night; wear a blue ribbon,—there you shall meet her. Trust me. Fare -thee well.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>This is genuine romance. ’Tis sweeter than ambrosia. Oh, why was I so -long pent up in the heart of a continent?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_62" id="page_62"></a>{62}</span> Farewell, dull facts of -business which have stung me sharper than thistles. Roll on, magnificent -star, and bring night and romance.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit.</i><br /> -</p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II.—<i>Portico of the Dolphin Inn.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>in conversation</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Northlake is a most melancholy man. I believe if he had a warehouse full -of anchors, and the market for anchors was booming, he’d be hopelessly -unhappy. Said I to him, to-day: Northlake, don’t look so confoundedly -gloomy; cheer up! the day I marry your niece Violet, you shall have five -hundred thousand dollars.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>His villa looks like the residence of a prince.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>So it does; but it is covered with a mortgage from cellar to roof. One -month ago Northlake was a rich man, but, leaving his books and plunging -into speculation, he lost not only his fortune, but also that of his -niece Violet, who is an orphan, and whose fortune was intrusted to his -keeping. Her loss seems to trouble him most.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_63" id="page_63"></a>{63}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>When did you become acquainted with him?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Last summer, when they were travelling in the West. I had some business -with him, and I then got a glance at his niece. I have since -corresponded with him. When I met him to-day he had a book in his hand. -I asked him, What’s that book? He replied, It’s a work on speculative -philosophy. Said I, Throw it away, and study the market quotations and -crops; that’s the kind of speculative philosophy you need.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>What did he say to that?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>He opened his book and commenced reading. Said I: Close your book. I -don’t understand it, and I don’t want to. I’ve made you a business -proposition that’s worth more than all your books. I’ve got the booty, -and you’ve got the beauty. Is it a trade?</p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span>, <i>who tries to overhear the conversation</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>How did that impress him?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_64" id="page_64"></a>{64}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>He replied, You shall have her, but you must first woo her as a tender -and gallant lover should, and thus win also her dower of tenderness and -fancy.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>How did that strike you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, said I, I’ll show my good points. I’m rich, noble, and good; she’ll -have me.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>How did that affect him?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Come, Whetstone, said he, you’re a practical man. The most practical man -in love is the most fanciful. Come to the masquerade to-night in a -heroic character.—And I’m going.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>What kind of a hero will you assume to be?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, any kind, just so it’s a hero. I can outdo any of them.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_65" id="page_65"></a>{65}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>perceiving</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span>].</p> - -<p>Hello! my friend, can you tell us where to get masquerade suits?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Yonder, gentlemens. [<i>Pointing to a neighboring shop.</i>] I recommends -him. He is a good neighbor and an honest man. Good day, gentlemens.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>slips into his shop by a side door</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading the sign over the door</i>].</p> - -<p>Peter Punch. Masquerade Suits and Unk-Weed Liniment. For sale or -rent.—That’s a queer sign!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>They are well suited; for the liniment is a lining under the suits.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>They enter the shop by front door.</i><br /> -</p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> III.—<i>A costumer’s shop.</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>arranging his costumes</i>.</h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Walk into mine shop, gentlemens. You do me great honors.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Are you not the same man we met outside?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_66" id="page_66"></a>{66}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Did he say I was honest?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You have it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine good friends, that was mine brother.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why, you have the same marks. What are you up to?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, we were born twins; our own father couldn’t tell us apart.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Nature must have been in a proud mood when she duplicated you.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s your name?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Peter Punch.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s your brother’s name?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Peter Punch Number Two. We are twins; I swears it. Mine friends, these -are my beautiful suits; and in this bottle<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_67" id="page_67"></a>{67}</span> is the wonder of seven -hemispheres, the sublimely famous and justly celebrated unk-weed -liniment. By your firesides, rub it in well. With one wing of medicinal -gum, and the other of healing balsam, it flies to its proud home in the -bones. Gentlemens, rub it in well. There it works its marvels. This, -gentlemens, is the unk-weed art gallery [<i>pointing to two pictures</i>]. -This one is before taking; that one, after taking. Gentlemens, rub it on -your skins inside, and put one of my suits on the outside, and then you -do marvels. I swears it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Which do you sell or rent,—the suits, or the liniment? [<span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>winks an -eye</i>.] Why do you wink?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Goodness gracious! you surprises me so. Mine eyelid slips down. -Gentlemens, I cannot rent the wonderful unk-weed.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Peter Punch, you are a compound fraction. Give your doctor fraction a -quick drop, and your tailor fraction a fresh seaming. We have good sound -characters, but you and your tailor’s goose may mend them. I wish to -cast upon a French maid a romantic spell, something in the aurora -borealis fashion.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Gentlemens, I haven’t got it [<i>winking his eye</i>].<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_68" id="page_68"></a>{68}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Why do you wink?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, it is my little weakness. I swears it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Try to keep your blind up. It makes me suspicious that something wrong -is going on inside. Peter, have you a rainbow suit?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine dear friend, I’ve just what will suit you. I made it for a -gentlemans just like you, but it rained and he didn’t call for it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He was only a fair-weather beau; but I’ll be a rainbow as well. [<span class="smcap">Punch</span> -<i>shows him the suit</i>.] That will suit. Now show me a mask. [<span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>shows -him a mask</i>.] Why, it has a nose upon it like a barn-gable.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, a big nose makes a strong character [<i>laying his finger -along his nose</i>].</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Its cheeks are smooth as a boy’s.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_69" id="page_69"></a>{69}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, how would a rainbow look with a beard on it? Oh, mine -friend!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Come out from under your disguise, Peter <span class="smcap">Punch.</span> You have the eternal -fitness of things under your thumb, and that makes a good tailor and a -shrewd philosopher.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>I thank you, gentlemens.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Show me some clothes worn by kings, princes, and potentates.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, let me take your measure. [<i>He takes</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone’s</span> <i>measure -with a tape-line</i>.]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Do you think you can take my measure for a suitable character suit with -your puny tape-line? Put up your line, and search Flatpuddle Smith’s -Biography of Great Men,—although I must say there are in that book some -of the biggest measures of the littlest men on earth; and besides, old -Heavyweight, who made his fortune putting sand in sugar, is on the first -page. They asked for sugar, and he sandpapered them. It’ll go rough with -him. Peter Punch, listen to my<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_70" id="page_70"></a>{70}</span> measure. I’m a merchant prince, Mayor -Whetstone, from Cornville, near the capital of Illinois, called Hercules -after my grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the Indians down the -Mississippi.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch</span> [<i>presenting a robe</i>].</p> - -<p>This is the robe that Julius Cæsar wore when he did thrice refuse the -crown up at the Capitol.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why did he refuse it? Didn’t it fit him? I don’t want that.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch</span> [<i>presenting a suit</i>].</p> - -<p>This is a suit worn by a shepherd boy as he tends his flocks,—young -Norval’s suit.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Confound you! Do you think I want to be a shepherd boy, and herd sheep?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch</span> [<i>presenting another suit</i>].</p> - -<p>This is the suit of a Highlander.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>That’s high-sounding. Let me see it. What’s this?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>That goes around the waist like a petticoat.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_71" id="page_71"></a>{71}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Where’s the other part?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>There is none.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Take back your Highlander. [<span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>winks</i>.] Stop winking!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Goodness gracious! you surprises me so. But here, mine friend. This is a -suit of King Richard the Lion-Heart, who slew thousands of Saracens in -one day.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why didn’t they stop him, the old villain? Peter Punch, you may as well -put down both shutters over your eyes. Business is closed.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Going.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Wait, wait, mine dear friend; I have a beautiful suit of armor, -magnificent! I saves it for you. I keeps it wrapped up. It is the suit -of a grand knight-errant. [<i>Takes covering from mounted suit of armor.</i>]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Ah, that’s something like the thing. The business we are on is a sort of -a night errand. What line of business was he in? Did he travel much at -night?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_72" id="page_72"></a>{72}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, you is mistaken. The knight-errant was a great man who went -around foreign countries clad in a suit of mail, rescuing beautiful -damsels, over seven hundred years ago.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>So long ago as that? His clothes must be a little rusty; but you can rub -them well. You don’t say the suit is seven hundred years old?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Over seven hundred years, mine friend [<i>winking</i>].</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, what would they say if they knew of this in Cornville? So the old -rascal used to go around in the night, rescuing beautiful damsels; and -they called them night errands! Didn’t he rescue the ugly damsels too?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>History is silent, mine friend.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Well, I do declare! I’ll keep up his trade. I’ll build up the old -industry on these shores, and I’ll make it hum.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>I have English, French, Spanish, and other cheaper kinds; but I’ll give -you the suit of a grand German knight-errant, because he was a great -Teuton.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_73" id="page_73"></a>{73}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What is the rent to-night for the so-called Teuton knight-errant?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>You shall have him cheap. I will calculate. One cent a year, one dollar -for each hundred years,—seven dollars, mine friend.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Isn’t that tooting it rather high for a night errand?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Mine friend, the Teuton knight-errant was the most substantial and -high-toned.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Substantial and high-toned! I’ll invest. I’ll wake up your old Teuton -knight-errant, and make him hum.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span> IV.—<i>A street. Evening.</i> <span class="smcap">Jack</span>, <i>disguised as an ape, on his way -to the masquerade</i>.</p> - -<p class="r"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>, <i>his valet</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>By Jove, what is it?—Tom, my man, stand firm.—Audacious creature! So -much hair on it, you know. I’d kindly thank you for your card.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_74" id="page_74"></a>{74}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Apes and conundrums, having been made before pockets, do not carry their -cards. Did you ever husk an ear of corn?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Audacious beast! Fopdoodle’s no farmer.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Then how do you expect to husk me by the ear? For the ear of an ape -stands higher than a vegetable.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>What a misapplication of terms!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Why did you not bring your shell with you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>What shell?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>The shell of a goose-egg. Go get it, and put yourself in it, or I’ll -make an omelet of you by assault and battery.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Moving around</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>By Jove, you’re a ferocious ape. I’ll have you arrested. Ho, there! Oh, -policeman, come at once, I pray you, and quell this riot. Come, I -command you. But he don’t<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_75" id="page_75"></a>{75}</span> come. What an abominable government we do -have! If we had a king, then I’d be protected,—a nice, sweet king! -Then, you know, I’d go to court; then I’d be My Lord Fopdoodle. Oh, I’d -dearly love a king.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>What would you do if an enemy arose?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Why, then the king would say: Upon the breeze that blows upon the -borders of my land, I sniff the enemy. My lord, my good and trusty Lord -Fopdoodle, hasten. Gather two hundred thousand men or so of our -confiding yeomanry and stanchest citizens. Go put the enemy down.—And I -would do it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>But suppose he wouldn’t stay down?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Tom, my man, stand firm.—When a king puts an enemy down, he puts him -under ground.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>How would you raise the cash?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>If I saw the treasury running low, I’d rise and thus address the throne -of majesty: Of late, most able king, thy servant,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_76" id="page_76"></a>{76}</span> Lord Fopdoodle, whom -thou hast ennobled, hath observed sundry of his former friends, -shopkeepers, swelling with wealth and aping his nobility. I’ll strip -them of their towering ambition by taking off the goods from their top -shelves. And then the king would say, Good my lord, thou art aright; go -thou and do it. And I would go and do it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Would you have any whims?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Wouldn’t I have whims!—Tom, my man, stand firm.—Thousands of them. If -a king and his lords can’t have their whims, they’re not so good as -other people are. Some day, when the king was in a right good humor, I -would say: Your valiant Majesty, an ape doth offend me much. I have a -whim. I crave a boon, my liege, a boon, my sovereign; and he would say, -I’ll grant it thee. Then I would say, I thank thee, good my sovereign. I -would that all the apes in thy kingdom were destroyed. And he would say, -Take this my signet ring, and let them perish.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>And you would kill poor Jack?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Are you Jack? Mr. Northlake’s own son Jack, and cousin to beautiful Miss -Violet? Why, Jack, I could love even an ape if he were cousin to the -beautiful Miss Violet.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_77" id="page_77"></a>{77}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Would you cozen an ape?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>[<i>Aside</i>] I’ll steal into Miss Violet’s secret heart through this -half-open, half-witted gate of a cousin. [<i>Aloud</i>] I’m in love. Help me, -Jack. About the king, good Jack, I was but joking; and if I were married -to Miss Violet, and were the king’s lord, I would not hurt a hair on an -ape’s body. Oh, she’s a sweet conundrum; a rose is a conundrum,—why, -I’m a sweet conundrum myself. Jack, you’re a stunning good fellow, an -awfully good ape. Let me stroke ape’s hair.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack.</span></p> - -<p>Paws off! You Miss my cousin, but she’ll not miss you. I represent -to-night a missing link which were well found in you. I’m in full -dress,—Nature’s regulation costume for the ape; but you commit a -barefaced outrage with your ape’s nature minus the hair. Meet me at the -masquerade.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Going.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Tom, my man, stand firm!—Don’t go, Jack.—I’ll go too.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_78" id="page_78"></a>{78}</span></p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> V.—<span class="smcap">Violet</span>’s <i>boudoir, dimly lighted</i>.</h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake</span>, <i>with domino on his arm, reading a book</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Not yet! still in her dressing-room. To-night<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fortune shall win a prize more delicate<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than are the velvet leaves of fabled roses.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For years my mind’s best nutriment has come<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By night,—and what of night? I’ll think on it,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While Violet arrays herself for this<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Night’s masquerade. It would be right in me<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To fancy night as a black sea in space,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That hath circumference and depth, and through<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose clouded elements grim-visaged hawks<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Do sleekly plunge like fishes in the sea,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seeking their prey; and all upon the earth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Dwell on the floor of this aërial sea,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thence look longingly at moon and stars.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh, hasten, sun, drive back this monstrous tide<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of night! See how these trembling night-lights throb<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With the sun’s offices. Ten million such<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Could not burn up a solitary rood,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor make partition for a vaulted league<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of this black night. But I’ll not rail against<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The gentle night; for often doth it bear<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A princely offering to Mammon’s shrine.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But come, my niece, my gentle Violet,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_79" id="page_79"></a>{79}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Make haste; the hours halt not for lagging maids,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor fortune either.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>within</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Patience, my good uncle.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">What is this vaunted love that so doth set<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The world on edge? ’Tis but the kindled rapture<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of selfishness, that joys to see its double,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Its fond endearment, its sweet concord, and<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Reflection in another. While love is true,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Two doubles come, both blent in one, in love’s<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bright mirror; but when fails the endearing bond<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of selfishness, the passions, then two natures<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Rudely clash therein, and love sees double,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like to an eye disordered. Wonderful<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nature is solved as easily as a scholar<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Doth solve his problem on the wall, when lo!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The master’s back is turned, and stealthily<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He peeps into the key. O Selfishness,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou art the key to all the operations<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of all this globe,—all men and animals,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And all the garniture of fields and forests.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oft thou art hideous; then thou art distorted,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As is a lovely body racked by torture;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But in thy true and fair proportioned self<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou’rt beautiful as beauty, and as wise<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_80" id="page_80"></a>{80}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">As wisdom. Thou art plentiful as color,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sound, motion; and without thee Nature would<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Eclipse herself in stark and blank oblivion.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Learn early this misfortune: Envy and Hate<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Live on good fortune.... Not ready yet!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’ll knock upon the door [<i>knocking</i>]. Fair Violet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Make haste, or we’ll be late.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>within</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Presently, good uncle.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Dimly these lights do burn, as if this boudoir<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A cloister were; but these fair ornaments,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Arranged in chaste profusion, show a maiden<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Mind dwells here that doth delight in beauty.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yonder, enshrined with wreaths of evergreen<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And immortelles, a precious picture hangs,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Her mother and my sister, looking most<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pityingly on me. What is this? Why, here’s<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The carven image of a maid at prayer;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And here’s a tender picture of a youth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And maiden in a flower-garden, done<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In placid oils upon a patch of canvas.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Methinks the artist had done better had<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He put here in the corner of the picture<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some quaint and curious demon, peeping o’er<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The garden wall. Why, looking at these toys,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So fitting for a maiden’s bower, almost<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_81" id="page_81"></a>{81}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Moves me from my purpose. Must all these<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Vanish? Will not some angel answer me?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No; Heaven answers not a bankrupt’s prayer.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My fortune and her fortune swallowed in<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The hideous maw of speculation; both<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Banished, completely banished! Why, I’d rather<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be exiled from my country than my fortune.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But all, all is not lost. She hath a girlish<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Beauty and a heart most rare; and in<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This age of rude massed gold there’s value in it.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A heaven-dowered woman hath an alchemy<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That can refine base gold. The bargain’s good....<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ninon, is not thy lady nearly ready?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon</span> [<i>within</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">My lady does demur to wear ze dress,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And says she’d rather be plain Violet.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Thy scruples, Violet, are pretty whims;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But more become a simpering maid than thy<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Chaste self. [<i>Aside</i>] Alas, the plague of poverty!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">[<i>Aloud</i>] Thou dost obedient service to thy guardian<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Uncle, and mayst save him from a plague<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That’s worse than all the plagues that e’er beset<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The town of Coventry.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>within</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Plague take the costume! I do not like it.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_82" id="page_82"></a>{82}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Let me turn up these lights—the jewel’s from<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Turning up the lights.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Its casket brought. I keep no false coin in<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My house, no cunning mockery, no smirking<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Counterfeit. Why, he shall own, and rightly<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Own, that she, in bodily volition,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Movement, and gesture, well doth match a mind<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That’s matchless.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span> <i>in fancy costume, and</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span> <i>carrying domino</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Dear uncle, art thou pleased?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Why, thou art richly worth his gold, were his<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Possessions fabulous.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Whose gold, good uncle?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou speakest strangely.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">I did but jest a trifle.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Give me thy arm, good uncle. I’ll tease thee.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Taking his arm.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">I do mistrust thou’dst sell me in this costume;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_83" id="page_83"></a>{83}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">For Ninon, chatting as we dressed, and humoring<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Me, did say that often thus they sell<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Circassian maids unto the Turk.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Nay, ’tis but idle prattle in Ninon.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Dear uncle, let Ninon companion be<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To me to-night.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">If ’tis thy merry wish.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">I thank thee, my dear uncle.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>taking domino from</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span> <i>and putting it on</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Give me the domino. Thou’lt wear it on<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy passage to the ball. It is a shield<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which, laid aside, thy beauty’s peerless might<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shall conquer all.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Curtain.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_84" id="page_84"></a>{84}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="Act_the_Third" id="Act_the_Third"></a>Act the Third.</h2> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.—<i>A masquerade. Musicians playing. Maskers moving about.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>in masquerade costume</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, have we any parallels for this?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Millions of parallels. Nature loves a masquerade as much as she abhors a -vacuum.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>See if my character is loose. It feels like slipping down over my boots.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hold on to your character; never let it slip, or all is lost. Remember, -you are a Teuton knight-errant of the Horn of Plenty, and I am Rainbow, -your squire. The ancient warrior Achilles carried a shield with amazing -scenes beaten thereon.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I can beat Achilles’ shield all hollow. I’ve brought my album, with -photographs of my houses, stores, banks, farms,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_85" id="page_85"></a>{85}</span> academy, and prize -cattle. Here it is. [<i>Displaying a large album.</i>] But come, my boy, -again explain. Why am I called the Horn of Plenty?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Horn of Plenty signifies wealth. Remember, we are now walking in a -romance, and explanations are like stumbling-blocks in a dream. One must -imagine more than he sees.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>with glass, examining</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <i>and especially</i><br /> -<span class="smcap">Jack</span>, <i>among the masqueraders</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Then she might imagine I was a dinner-horn, a trombone-horn, a -tooting-horn, the moon’s horn, a horned beast, or some other horn, or -that I took a horn as a matter of business.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Don’t talk of business; stick to your character.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Confound you, my boy! I am sticking to my character, and my character -sticks to me. I feel like a rooster in an iron nightgown.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Solid in solid.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’m the only one here who seems to have his clothes riveted and anchored -to him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_86" id="page_86"></a>{86}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hold! you must talk in the language of knight-errantry: My sweet, fair, -or beauteous lady, wilt tread a measure in the dance? I am listed in the -tournament of love.—Something in that strain.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Will my clothes bear the strain?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Seemingly, but if you should feel rusty, either in character or memory, -ask me to polish you; for such is my traditional duty as your faithful -squire.</p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake</span>, <span class="smcap">Violet</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>observing</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>].</p> - -<p>Oh, ho! look there, Major, my boy,—there comes the prize of the market. -She’s pretty as a pet kitten. She’s sweet as a box of honey. She’s worth -a barrel of money. I wish it were Violet; I’d throw in the farm on Pearl -Creek.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Steady, steady; hang on to your character!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine</span> [<i>recognizing</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>].</p> - -<p>[<i>Aside</i>] That is he with the blue ribbon. I’ll hail this rainbow. -[<i>Aloud</i>] Sir Rainbow, you make fair promises, and keep them fairly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_87" id="page_87"></a>{87}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Rainbows bespeak fair weather and fair maids.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>You have bespoken fair weather with bright words, and you shall bespeak -a fair maid with bright eyes, as I promised you to-day on the seashore.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, where is she?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<p>Yonder she stands while the fates work her destiny,—the fair Ninon. -Come, give me your arm.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>They join</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Going, going, gone; knocked down to the first bidder! What a weakness he -has developed for women!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>[<i>Aside</i>] Why, that’s the voice of Mayor <span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span> I’ll address him. -[<i>Aloud</i>] Ho, most gallant knight, thy squire hath left thee in a -lonesome plight!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I am the so-called Teuton knight of the Horn of Plenty. Do you know me?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_88" id="page_88"></a>{88}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Have you the mettle of the true knight?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’m covered with metal seven hundred years old. Northlake, I know you! -Where is she?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Yonder, with her maid. Go, woo and win the lady. You could not have -chosen a better suit in which to press your suit.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>She shall be mine, and you shall be rewarded. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.] Beauteous -lady, I am the resplendent knight of the Horn of Plenty. [<i>Aside</i>] -What’s the rest? [<i>Aloud</i>] Please wait a moment till I see my squire.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>He goes to consult with</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>He is the antipodes of that ancient gentleman whose dress he wears. But, -alas! the rudest oft give most thanks for a gentle wife, and he’ll make -her a comfortable husband. To do this, some would say was villanous in -me; but ’tis a convenient fashion. Wealth is a rude mountain, from which -the gentle win gentle treasures. The Decorator of the fields hath placed -the flower and sturdy plant side by side, and the one doth shield the -other. From dankest earth the whitest<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_89" id="page_89"></a>{89}</span> lily grows; from keen-edged sands -the fairest blossom blows. E’en frozen clods have flowers, and flowers -their frozen clods.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>returning to</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>].</p> - -<p>Wilt tread a measure with me? I am listed in the tournament of love.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy words bespeak a gallant knight. I’ll grant thy wish.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>].</p> - -<p>I pray thee for a partner.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p><i>A dance.</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>, <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>, <span class="smcap">Northlake</span> -<i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>; <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>inspects</i> <span class="smcap">Jack</span> <i>with his glass and takes -him for a partner</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Curtain.</i><br /> -</p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II.—<i>A balcony.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Sir Knight of the Horn of Plenty, did thy grand-uncle slay the Indians?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>All of them. The banks of the Mississippi were covered. He had hired -soldiers under him who harvested their scalps<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_90" id="page_90"></a>{90}</span> while he slew them. In my -life in Flatpuddle Smith’s Biography of Great Men, you will find him -given as my great collateral ancestor.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy family is warlike, but surely thou art a gentle knight.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, I’m gentle now; but if one of those savage Indians rose up against -me, I’d heap this illustrated album of civilization, like a burning -coal, upon his head! Do you know, when I was in Europe they offered to -make me a reigning prince—if I’d pay for it. There were several vacant -thrones, and I was about making a bid, when my gigantic business -interests called me back to Cornville, and the throne fell through.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>When you were in Europe, did you visit Rome?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Passed through in the night-time, and didn’t stop. No business done -there; only a lot of fellows cutting figures in stone, and painting -pictures under the old masters.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis cruel in thee to jest so. Thy figure shows a gallant knight, and -thou dost speak by contraries to make thy showing finer. How doth the -moon shine in Europe?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_91" id="page_91"></a>{91}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>The same old moon.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis very fair.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why, there is the so-called fair moon now, sure enough! [<i>Looking at the -moon.</i>] It shines like a new tin pan.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>The moon shines on thy armor, and thou thyself dost shine like a new tin -pan.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>There’s the new moon, the quarter moon, the full moon, and the dark of -the moon. The moon is good enough in its place.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, where is the moon’s place, if not in heaven?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>In the almanac.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, gallant knights and lovers gather substantial sustenance from -moonlight. ’Tis prescribed by Heaven and the poets. And thou revilest -the moon? Thou art a traitor to nature. Thy best place were in an -almanac, in the dark of the moon, in the sign of Capricorn.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_92" id="page_92"></a>{92}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Off with the mask! [<i>Removes head-piece.</i>] Behold the real Honorable -Mayor Whetstone, Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the capital of -Illinois; called Hercules after his real grand-uncle Hercules, who drove -the real Indians reeling down the real Mississippi. Do you follow me?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Heaven guide me in this whirlwind of contraries!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Take yours off, too.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>As I hate disguises, and this moonlight is a gentle vapor, I’ll unmask -without more argument.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>She unmasks.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Beauteous Violet, you are my future wife. Let, oh, let me take a kiss.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Our acquaintance is too brief for a jest so durable.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Come, no one sees us. Just one little kiss. [<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>looking at -them through his glass</i>.] Professor, get out! Take notes, hunt -specimens, and shelve your knowledge; but never let me see you here -again. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>] Did not your uncle tell you?</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_93" id="page_93"></a>{93}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, thou art a sportive knight, indeed. Oh, thou art a deep dissembler! -But, no, thou art a gallant knight! This is some stratagem of words and -dress, invented by my good uncle for my diversion. If thou wilt keep a -secret, I will tell it thee.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll keep it. But, oh, how I’d like a kiss!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Kissing is an idle fashion but lightly spoken of by our best authors, -and well missed by young misses. But to my secret. This morn my uncle -told me in the orchard that he had chosen for me a lover,—a most -substantial gentleman, a very merchant prince—</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Pauses.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Go on; give me all your secret.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, thou art he in name and title; but I know thou art not, from thy -discord in guise, speech, and action; and thou dost carry out a jest too -literally with thy contraries.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I swear I am the real he. See, here is my album! [<i>Opening album.</i>] Here -is my picture, in my shirt-sleeves, before my store. See the sign above -the door: Hercules Whetstone’s<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_94" id="page_94"></a>{94}</span> Gigantic Store. Here’s my banking-house. -See, see! Now, do you believe and love me? Be my wife, and I’ll bind the -bargain with a kiss.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Surely thou art the prince of jesters; and if ’tis thy humor, in part -I’ll not deny thee; but no maid should bind a bargain with betrothal -kiss until she knows the true worth of it. Hast thou any castles in thy -domain?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Castles? Why, I own the half of Cornville. See [<i>showing the album</i>], -here’s my town-house. I’ll have its hall set in solid mahogany. Then -we’ll be the Honorable Mr. and Mrs. Mayor Whetstone, of Mahogany Hall, -Cornville, solid people,—if you like, in our castle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>When thou dost in a day change thy house into a castle, then it will -have a gallant knight.</p> - -<p> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>concealing himself</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>showing a picture in the album</i>].</p> - -<p>See, this is my stately dairy farm. Yonder pearly stream that through -the middle of the farm doth run and wind about, and then run in and out -as if ’twere playing tag between its wave-kissed banks, is called Pearl -Creek. It is a curious<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_95" id="page_95"></a>{95}</span> stream. Here, once, the wild goose, while he -plucked the toothsome grass from its banks of verdure, listened to an -Indian maid. Here, beneath this spacious sycamore, we’ll sit and fish -for speckled trout; I’ll bait the hook. And when ’tis winter we’ll skate -upon it. See yonder latticed arbor perched upon the bank: it is the -hen-house, with hens and their companions from many lands. Here will we -gather eggs through all the seasons; and to have fresh eggs in winter is -no mean luxury. See yonder moss-covered house of stone picturesquely -wading in the water. It is the milk-house, with all its crocks of golden -cream. Here, with sparkling water, without a murmur from the world, -we’ll fill our crocks of fortune to the brim. Here, amid these scenes of -thrift and beauty, bustling hens, pensive geese, lowing herds, crocks of -cream, and gleaming fishes, we’ll wander hand in hand, spending our -full-orbed honeymoon, while the rude outsiders stare in dreamy wonder at -so much happiness on earth. Does not the prospect charm you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Do not end thy bright illumined catalogue. Give me it all.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Give you it all! I’ll give you your share, but not all. Come, Violet, -that’s asking too much!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>from his concealment</i>].</p> - -<p>Oh for a dagger to assassinate him! O dazzling Violet!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_96" id="page_96"></a>{96}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Continue.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh! Now we leave the country, and come to town [<i>referring to the -album</i>]. Here is my edifice of learning, my Cornville Academy, my spring -of knowledge. I own the whole of it. Here’s my Cornville Eagle, which -shall brighten its plumage when we are married; and here’s my Bank, -whose president craves your hand. Do let me take it now; no one is -looking.</p> - -<p> -<span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>appears stealthily for a moment, observing them<br /> -with his glass</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>They who love moonlight must not forget the man in the moon; and I must -first ask my uncle. But I did not know that knights of late had grown so -rich. I must put on my spectacles.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Bless me, are you near-sighted? I’ll come nearer.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, at dawn I was near-sighted, but to-night I am far-sighted.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Bless me, I almost forgot it,—I own half a church, and built the -steeple out of my own pocket.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_97" id="page_97"></a>{97}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Art thou a pious knight?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Heaven must have a share. Besides, it was a sharp business project. It -is the highest steeple in the State; and some day I’ll ride into the -governor’s chair on it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy steeple should turn thy thoughts to heaven, instead of to the earth.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>That reminds me of the lightning-rod. [<i>Aside</i>] I’ll give her a sample -of my business talents. [<i>Aloud</i>] A pedler one day said to me: Mayor -Whetstone, I wish to introduce into your community my patent flanged -galvanized lightning-rods. Said I to him, pointing to the steeple: -Eureka! Excelsior! Do you climb? Do you follow me? Do you donate? Is the -advertisement worth the rod? Will you spare the steeple, and spoil the -rod? He climbed. He donated. Before the next thunderstorm he received -orders for over forty rods from members who were afraid the lightning -would strike their property if they didn’t buy a rod.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I much mistrust thou’rt not a redoubtable, but only a doubtful, knight.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_98" id="page_98"></a>{98}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>kneeling</i>].</p> - -<p>Heaven knows ’tis true. I pray for your hand.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Pray for thine own heart. Rise; for when thou kneelest, thou half liest. -So stand up, and be not prone to lie upon thy knees.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>from his concealment</i>].</p> - -<p>Oh, how I want to be a noble husband! O dazzling Violet! Oh, oh!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>rising</i>].</p> - -<p>I thought I heard some one owe me something!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>No one here owes thee anything. Take thy mind off thy gains.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Let me call your uncle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, thy jest in greed lacks no ingredient.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>That’s not all; I have more stores, houses, cattle, stocks, barrels of -money, stacks of it—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Well, go on; give me it all.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_99" id="page_99"></a>{99}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Give you it all!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>All, everything.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Give you it all! That’s practical. Who’d have thought it in one so -young? Would you outwit me? Would you outmatch me? Would you ruin me?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou art a gentle stupid. I only meant, give me a description of -all,—thy catalogue of all thou hast. Thy lips label better thy goods -than thy love.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s that?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I insist upon all. I do mistrust—for I’m no trusting miss—that thou -art a poor ignoble man withal, hired by my jesting uncle withal to put -on this chivalrous disguise withal to jest with me withal. What false -knight art thou that thou wilt not endow the lady of thy love with all -thou dost possess, that lovest thy goods better than love? Thou art of -crude metal. Go to thy farm on Pearl Creek; I do not want thy goods.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Am I dreaming?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_100" id="page_100"></a>{100}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>from his concealment</i>].</p> - -<p>Oh for a carmine dagger to hack, to stab, to prostrate him! Oh, how I -crave to be a noble husband. O dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou hast kept from thy catalogue and basely concealed that which loving -knights and ladies prize the highest.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What can it be? I’ll buy it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>’Twere better guessed, for by purchase it loses its value.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I know nothing like it. But if it be concealed and of the highest value, -it must be a gold mine.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, thou gentle stupid, try again.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Ah, now I’ve got it. A coal mine. Why, Violet, you are wiser than I -thought. You look beneath the surface. There is a rich vein of coal -beneath my farm; but it’s not worked.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_101" id="page_101"></a>{101}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Neither is the vein of love well worked by thee. Try again, and for lack -of discovery and my sentence, thou shalt bear no complaint to my uncle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>from his concealment</i>].</p> - -<p>Oh, let me tell! O dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I can think of nothing else besides.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Put thy hand to thy left side. Hast thou no heart?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>putting his hand over his heart</i>].</p> - -<p>I have a heart; and oh, I feel it beat tremendously.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>He is a poor merchant in love, who, having a heart, hath no value to it. -He’s a bankrupt who can declare no dividend unto his lady creditor. A -true and loving heart hath larger dividends than banks, richer harvests -than farms, finer goods than stores, and more happiness than all the -world besides.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>from his concealment</i>].</p> - -<p>O Violet, I’ve got a heart. O dazzling Violet!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_102" id="page_102"></a>{102}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Methinks that soon the silver moon will yonder mantling cloud enrich, -and leave thee a knight quite poor.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I cannot lose you. Your worth grows upon me at the rate of a thousand -dollars a minute. [<i>Kneeling</i>] Here on my knees let me explain.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Rise. I cannot help thee, although ’tis sadly said. Hadst thou -discovered thy heart earlier, and put the true worth of a heart upon it, -then I had thought more deeply. But now, alas! thy discovery comes too -late. I am a young judge, yet my sentence shall be a just one, and I’ll -not revoke it. Thou art a guileful knight. I sentence thee to perpetual -banishment; and that thou mayst study the phases of a maid’s heart and -of the moon, I will allow thee no book but thy almanac.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Let the heavens hear me! I am not through yet. I have, a fearful fever!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Maids are no doctors, except for hearts in love.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, I am in love, and now I know it.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_103" id="page_103"></a>{103}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy complaint comes too late. Be patient, but be no patient of mine. -I’ll practice on thee no further. Thou hast thy sentence.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>leaves his concealment</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Stay, you villain! If I had my dagger, I’d stab you. O dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>rising</i>].</p> - -<p>Who are you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>You caitiff knight, I am Augustus Fopdoodle and your deadly rival. O -dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You rascal rat! you eavesdropper! If I had my knightly sword, I’d hack -you into a thousand pieces and make you bait for catfish. Where’s my -sword?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Aha, vain boaster! There is my gage of battle; pick it up.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Throws down a glove.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Pick it up yourself, you villain!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_104" id="page_104"></a>{104}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Hold, gentlemen, brave gentlemen! ’Twere a pity that two such gentlemen -should end a harmless jest in sanguinary strife. Come. Your brave humors -make the rash current of your words more harmful than your sword-blades. -Believe me. Come.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll challenge him this very night to fight a duel. Fopdoodle, thou art -a brave man. Bless thee, Augustus Fopdoodle. Bless thee, O dazzling -Violet! I am a terribly quick man, and I should have killed thousands of -men had I but done it when I thought to do it. Let me think.—No, I must -not think so much upon the bloody deed, the grim and horrid spectacle. -Thinking cools me off like an evaporation; yet truly there is a manifold -vigor in me, O dazzling Violet, else why am I so brave when heated? Fire -brings out my bravery. What is the coward quality that on a sudden -chokes my valor so? I have it: it comes of too much thinking. Let me -pluck it out.—But no, I cannot pluck out my brains; yet I will admonish -my head not to think so much. But still, thinking is wisdom; therefore -too much wisdom makes me a thinking coward. I must cultivate less -wisdom. O dazzling Violet! I’ll send him a challenge, and he’ll not -fight. A bloodless triumph. Now thinking comes to my rescue. Animals -have not this process of thinking, for I have seen terrible animals -fight ferociously until they were dead, dead. O dazzling Violet!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_105" id="page_105"></a>{105}</span> -Therefore I bless thee, Augustus Fopdoodle, that thou hast the spirit of -bravery; but I do bless thee more that thou hast the process of -thinking. I do not think he’ll fight. O dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit.</i><br /> -</p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> III.—<i>The same.</i></h3> - -<div class="blockquot"><p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>with glass. He seats himself in a corner, observes -the moon, and takes notes. Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>, <i>who do -not observe him</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>We have tripped into the hour of midnight, the fairies’ hour. Now the -fairest face, night-blooming like a mystic flower, may unmask its -sweetness.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Charmant! Monsieur Rainbow, you delight me all ze night.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Here I’ll unmask, for your two eyes have kindled a flame in my breast -such as could not be lighted by all the stars burning in yonder heavens.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>He unmasks.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Monsieur Rainbow, you is ze fiery lover,—ze grand gentleman. Take away -ze bad mask.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_106" id="page_106"></a>{106}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>In the nineteenth century, bright little sister of Venus, I’ll unmask -you.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>He unmasks and kisses her.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Très joli! Oh, Monsieur Rainbow, you is ze grand American lover.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>You are the sweetest little maid upon this magnificent star of ours.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Charmant! Monsieur, you are ze Rainbow more sparkling zan ze wine-cup.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>There is a wine finer than that of the grape to-night. Let this -sparkling envelope of air be our distraction. See, Ninon, how it holds -this globe like a cup star-jewelled, and proffered to our senses with -all its myriad distilments of rapturous motions, varied colors, gladsome -odors, and sweet sounds.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Monsieur Rainbow, we will drink from zat cup, and hunt ze buffalo in ze -West. Magnifique!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>[<i>Aside</i>] Beautiful simplicity! Arcadia had no better than this -untutored Parisian. [<i>Aloud</i>] Dear Ninon, the advance-guard<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_107" id="page_107"></a>{107}</span> and -keen-eyed pickets of civilization have driven the buffalo from our -future home in Cornville; but you shall have amusement.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>[<i>Aside</i>] Oh, he is ze grand American lover!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Ninon, in Paris were you ever courted,—that is to say, were you ever in -a court of love or law?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Why, Major Bluegrass, I did not know ze court was for ze love. I thought -ze court was only for ze law.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Give me simplicity! O Love, the entangler, do not unravel us! Let no -frog croak in Cornville.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>takes a glance at them through his glass</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Très beau! Good Monsieur Rainbow, ze frog is ze great beau in ze -springtime, with his fine green coat and gold buttons.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Now I remember me, the frog has a gallant look when the spring is in the -meadows and the banks are grassy. Now I remember me more closely, he -also has a romantic look; for<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_108" id="page_108"></a>{108}</span> once, when a boy, I watched him sitting, -like a sybarite Turk, upon a dewy bank in the pale moonlight, enjoying -the downward fragrance of an o’erbending lily, which o’er him hung like -a wedding bell. He gazed upon the moon sailing above him, and then upon -the moon below him, glistening in the pond which was his bed,—Neptune’s -trundle-bed, made for frogs,—until, between these two perplexities of -light, his eyes like diamonds shone. Shall I halt here?</p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>looks at the earth and moon alternately with his glass</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>No, no, dear Monsieur; go on, good Monsieur Rainbow. I have ze grand -interest. His eyes shone like ze diamonds, ze beautiful diamonds. -Superbe!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Well, his eyes, like twin solitaires encrusted in rims of red gold, -shone more translucently than any that e’er sparkled in the betrothal -ring of an expectant bride. It seems this gentleman in green had grown -fixedly practical between the real moon and the ideal moon, and would -not have an ideal when he had not the real; for he, poor frog, like some -of our practical humans, did not know that the ideal moon in a pond was -much finer than a pond in the real moon. Now do I see him, as plainly as -if it were to-night, there coolly sitting and meditating, quite -philosophical.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_109" id="page_109"></a>{109}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Oui, oui; zat was a foolish froggie, Monsieur Rainbow. Beware of ze -philosophy. Ah, Major Bluegrass, you have ze fervent language zat -thrills me.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Ninon, my description, like your own pretty costume with all its -frills, tucks, and love-knots, has a moral with it. Before this -philosophic gentleman in green had reconciled himself to an ideal, a -flying cloud curtained the moon; and thus in his philosophy he let -bright opportunity slip, and went dark below.</p> - -<p class="c"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>discontinues using glass</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Oui, oui; too true. I pity ze poor froggie.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Ninon, render him no pity; for although I was but a green boy, I -then resolved that opportunity was greater than philosophy. Ninon, -yonder glorious moon shines brightly as on that memorable night in the -meadows. ’Tis a bright opportunity; let me kiss thee again.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Pardon, sweet Monsieur Rainbow; wait for ze grand opportunity when ze -honeymoon upon our wedding shines; then you shall have ze thousand -kisses. Charmant!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_110" id="page_110"></a>{110}</span></p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> IV.—<i>The same.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Fair lady, I have led thee to this spot,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Removed from all the merry throng of maskers;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For love grows best in solitude, and thrives<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But poorly when too many eyes look on;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So saying, I unmask [<i>unmasking</i>], and ask that thou<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wilt move that vestment from thy cheek, to whose<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Illumined page thine eyes are bright indexes.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pray let me draw the envious curtain back;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For though I’ve scored some years, yet ne’er ’twas said<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That I ungallant proved.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Stay for a moment,—I am strangely faint.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The ball-room’s heat I fear has wearied thee.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Tenderly supporting her.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine</span> [<i>recovering</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Nay, heed it not; I long have been aweary.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Fair lady, tenderest fruit and hidden clings<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Within its husk until full season. Now<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_111" id="page_111"></a>{111}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou mayst remove thy mask, for in my heart<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There’s sympathy that makes occasion ripe.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">I see thou art a gallant gentleman;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’d converse hold with thee, but pray that thou<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wouldst leave me to my mask.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Be it as thou dost wish;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But at the close of our sweet interview<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I beg thou wilt disclose to me the face<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of her whose gentle hand I now do press<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With all the ardor of my youthful days.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Oh, thou shalt have thy asking, never fear;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But first thou’lt answer questioning,—’tis but<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A foolish, idle question, yet thou mayst<br /></span> -<span class="i0">True answer make. But to be brief: Didst ever<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Love before? Good gentleman, I pray thee<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Answer me truly.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Briefly, but once.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Speak not beyond. I thank thee. Sweeter sound<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Was never borne upon the air to woman.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But of this once? Answer me that.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_112" id="page_112"></a>{112}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Truly but once, and once most truly, I<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did love her. [<i>Pausing.</i>] Well, I’ll pause no further; yet<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Her voice and gesture much resembled thine.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We parted, years ago, in sad estrangement;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And though within that sombre lapse of time<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We’ve often met, yet never have we spoken.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For we indeed are to each other—dead!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Dead to each other! ’tis a woful word<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To those who’ve loved. Thou fickle man! thou dost<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Deceive thyself,—for true love never dies.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy fate doth mirror mine.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake</span> [<i>taking her hand</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">I beg thee tell it me.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Thou hold’st my hand close as my husband did<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Upon our wedding morn, when he did make<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Such noble vows of constancy as troops<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of angels swift delight to register.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And so we lived for many happy years;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They now do seem a vanished paradise;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And, looking back, beyond my later years,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It seems to me as fair as tender Eden<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did unto our first mother, Eve. And oft<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’ve wept most burning tears in memory<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of the adored one who did hold me there.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_113" id="page_113"></a>{113}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Why, thou dost clasp my hand with feverish zeal;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let’s walk upon the cliff.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Nay, stay, and listen.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">I’ll do as thou desirest.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Thou art a gallant gentleman. I’ll swift<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unveil to thee a heart that’s worthier<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than is the poor masked face thou pray’st to see.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh, how can I portray to thee my joy<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When I was wife and mother! Think of it,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For I am sure thou art a good, true man,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And gallant gentleman.—In my full flush<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of joy I was estranged from my dear husband,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whom I did love so well I would have pledged<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My soul upon his honor. Then I was wild<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With sudden doubt and frenzied jealousy.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His goodness seemed but evil,—as by the quick<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hot-bolted lightning blasted, or as poison<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Transforms the fairest ornaments. In this<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Mad frenzy, at this same hour of midnight,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I fled from him. Since then I’ve been a restless<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wanderer on the earth. But, oh! on me<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The blame harder doth rest than it doth rest—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On thee!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_114" id="page_114"></a>{114}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">On me? Why, who art thou?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Catharine</span> [<i>unmasking</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Thy lady Catharine.—Thou gallant gentleman,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I may again return to thee. Good-night!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lost wife, return! ’Tis pitiful! By thee<br /></span> -<span class="i0">These lonely years my life’s been haunted. Once<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In each year thy visits, like untimely<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seasons, come upon me, when and where<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I never know; but once in each year, lightening<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My weary path. Mysterious and strange,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou ne’er before hast spoken. Thou blameless Catharine,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Return. Our sins of jealousy have borne<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Such fruit as grows from poisoned ground; and yet<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor Time nor forcing Will can make us what<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We were in our first wedded life. These agents<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are far too weak; they never can restore<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To us the faith that’s lost in our past lives,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lost like a pearl dropped in dissolving flame,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Its white and saintly fabric gone in a moment.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unhappy Catharine, and thou my more<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unhappy self! These revels mock us. Poor mask!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Lays down his mask.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The mask that hath been torn from off my heart<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_115" id="page_115"></a>{115}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">This night hath left a shadow tenfold darker<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than is thine own. I’ll go seek Violet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For she is like the beauteous sunlit day.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Listening to strains of music from the ball-room.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Music doth hold melodious discourse.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Walks, in meditation and soliloquy.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Why, I am growing melancholy. My sun’s<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Across the line and courses the horizon;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My nights are growing longer than my days;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The glad days wane, until, as in the deepening<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Winter, near the northern pole, they’ll come<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But for a moment, a wedge of light between<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Two nights. Oh, hasten, come, thou blank, perpetual<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Night! [<i>Music ceases.</i>] The instruments are dumb, the players<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are at rest; but their unceased vibrations<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On struggling chords yet tremble in my breast.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Alas! such is the growth of melancholy.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_116" id="page_116"></a>{116}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="Act_the_Fourth" id="Act_the_Fourth"></a>Act the Fourth.</h2> - -<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.—<i>A room at the Dolphin Inn. Guns, pistols, swords, and -other weapons scattered around.</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>in armor, lying upon a -sofa, disquietly sleeping</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>carrying a large dictionary</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He sleeps. ’Tis well. For centuries men, with eager eyes fixed upon the -horizon, have awaited the coming of the purely literary duel. The -auspicious morn is about to dawn, in fact, to bloom upon this -magnificent star of ours, when, in affairs of honor, bloody swords, -odious gunpowder, and slaughtering bullets no longer shall disgrace the -planet.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>dreaming</i>].</p> - -<p>Take away the sword! Do not say I killed you!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He dreams of the combat. Rest, warrior, rest! Safe within this volume, -and at your timely service, are such dire missiles, fearful and -momentous cartridges, bombs, shells, fowling-pieces, blunderbusses, -mortars, and battering-rams, as have rent nations asunder and awed the -world. Can base gunpowder and lead do so much? O puissant volume,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_117" id="page_117"></a>{117}</span> -armory and magazine, I will select from your mighty stores, for my -principal’s sake, weapons which shall strike terror and dismay to his -adversary’s heart. Yes, a full dozen of as bold bad words as were ever -conned from out thy depths by a dyspeptic writer at midnight hour in -editorial den.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>A rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>still dreaming</i>].</p> - -<p>See how he glares upon me!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Rest, warrior, rest! You go forth not to death, but to glorious -immortality.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>starting up</i>].</p> - -<p>Take him away; he is killing me! Oh, oh! [<i>Observing</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>] Who are -you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>cheerfully</i>].</p> - -<p>Your trusty friend and second in this valiant enterprise. I’ve just -returned from Fopdoodle’s second. We have arranged the place, time, -weapons, and conditions of the duel very satisfactorily.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You seem to enjoy it!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Listen, and you’ll enjoy it too.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_118" id="page_118"></a>{118}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Let me know the worst.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Place, the little clearing in the darkened wood behind the hill.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why didn’t you make it in the West, behind the Rocky Mountains?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Time, one hour before sunrise.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why didn’t you make it next year, in the dark of the moon? Major, I feel -that my blood will be upon your so-called head.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Not if my head can save you, and I think it can. With some acuteness, I -secured Scythe as attendant surgeon, in case of an accident, and he has -already gone to the spot with all his surgical implements of healing.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>What’s that? Is’t the signal?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Listen! now for the weapons.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_119" id="page_119"></a>{119}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Don’t, Major, don’t!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>With some archness in archery, I first chose crossbows as most fitting -for lovers’ duels, but abandoned them as too crosswise. Blunderbusses I -rejected, as too blundering for us; and, noting the weakness of our -enemy in diction, I at last chose dictionaries, big and unabridged, and -made by the most celebrated word-smiths.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Dictionaries! Did you say dictionaries? Major, now my anger is reviving. -Now, by all that’s terrible, I’ll fight till there’s not a leaf or lid -left. Why, the first blow I give him shall be a jaw-breaker. He’ll think -himself smitten, like the Philistines, by a jawbone. Major, get me a -dictionary with iron clasps; but one is not enough, my boy. I’ll strike -him with two dictionaries.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Erroneous hero! You are in honor bound not to deal him any blows with -vulgar material-bound paper.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>How then, my boy, how then?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Listen to the conditions of the duel. At a distance of two<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_120" id="page_120"></a>{120}</span> paces, you -and Fopdoodle, each aided by his respective second, will each -respectively select, for each fire from his inexhaustible dictionary or -armory, one animal noun for his projectile, and one adjective,—for your -adjective is your gunpowder to your bullet of a noun. These two, to wit: -one animal noun and one adjective, each of you will form into a -cartridge, or epithet, and at the word <i>Fire</i> each will fire it at his -adversary.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Bless you, my boy, we are saved! You shall always be editor of the -Eagle. My boy, you must have known I didn’t want to kill him. Major, -stand by me to the last.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll do it. I am a connoisseur in epithets; and your animal noun with -adjective conjoined is a terrible weapon. O book, how like a poet thou -art!—in pleasant moods full of balmlike words, but in anger javelined -like a porcupine. Be thou a cage filled to the cover’s brim with fierce -animal nouns which fret their paper cage of leaves to pounce upon the -enemy. Remember, at each fire call him some outrageous animal, and -exploit the animal with an explosive adjective.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll do it. The gourd-headed baboon!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_121" id="page_121"></a>{121}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Good; a very fine line shot! But don’t waste your ammunition here. Wait -until you get your enemy into close quarters, and meanwhile steady your -nerves and tongue. Remember, no faltering of the tongue.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>How goes the night outdoors?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>All’s well! Now shall I behold the first genuine literary duel ever -fought on this magnificent star of ours, while the sun trails his -sanguinary banners along the eastern sky.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Rooster crows.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why does he crow so often?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>It is the martial bird of morn, brave chanticleer—the vocal lighthouse -of the dawn. Six times has the rooster crowed. [<i>Rooster again crows.</i>] -And yet again he crows,—seven times, mysterious number! With crimson -comb and whetted spurs, he sniffs this duel from his lofty perch in the -heavenly balcony.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>How says the time?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>It lacks but little of the hour. We’ll prove no laggards<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_122" id="page_122"></a>{122}</span> on the field -of honor. Come on. Make haste! Away, away, or we’ll be late to join the -fray! We’ll get our lanterns on the way. [<i>Rooster crows.</i>]</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II.—<i>A clearing in a wood.</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>with lantern, arranging -surgical instruments</i>.</p> - -<p><i>Enter, running</i>, <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>, <i>attended by</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>, <i>his valet and second, -carrying lantern and dictionary</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>What man is this?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Good master, this is the attendant surgeon, agreed upon by Whetstone’s -second and myself, your own second and humble valet.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Kind Mr. Surgeon, if we two fall at once, save me first; and I promise -you a great reward from father’s patrimony. And as our wounds we do -refer to you, I move to make you referee. Kind Mr. Surgeon, prescribe -for me a breathing spell. [<span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>examines him with glass</i>.] Tom, my -man, stand firm! For as we crossed through yonder green and peaceful -field, by some ominous mischance a sleeping, low-bred, fiery bull arose, -with eyes big as our lanterns, filled with the flaming fat of animal -fury. He chased; and as we fled, I thought I was pursued by an -infuriated animal noun. Oh, doctor, prescribe for me a breathing spell.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_123" id="page_123"></a>{123}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Good master, here is your dictionary, if you’d take a breathing spell.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Unlettered ruffian, uncompassionate fool, do I clothe and fee you for -this? Hand me my spirit of hartshorn to brace my spirits up. [<i>Using -smelling-bottle.</i>] Had I but had this spirit of hartshorn in my -nostrils, I would have had the spirit to face a thousand bulls. Where’s -the infuriated dictionary?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Here it is, good master.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Turn to the fearful B’s; I know some good shots in the B’s.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Here they are, good master.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Do we yet espy the foe?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>looking through glass</i>].</p> - -<p>I see him coming over the brow of the hill, and he’ll be here in a wink.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Alas, if I should fall!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_124" id="page_124"></a>{124}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll raise you up again.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Base horizontal knave, thou canst again raise up my body, but not my -character.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>with lantern and dictionary</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>A brave salutation, gentlemen! We will pursue the code of honor where it -does not conflict with us. Let the principals advance, and shake hands -in the usual way, to show that they in humor and honor are not ill. -[<span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>advance and shake hands. To</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>] We must -compare size, weight, and calibre of type. [<i>They compare -dictionaries.</i>] The weapons are of the same edition. Now for choice of -positions; but there are two esteemed objects in the heavens,—Mars and -the moon; for them we’ll toss up. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>] Head or tail? [<i>Tosses up a -coin.</i>]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Tail.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Head it is. I’ve won! I place Fopdoodle with the moon in his face, and -<span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> with the planet Mars at his back. [<i>Measures off two paces and -places the principals.</i>] In affairs of honor, delay is a vice, despatch -a virtue. I propose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_125" id="page_125"></a>{125}</span> between each fire, thirty seconds for loading, -that after the words, One, two,—fire! each one shall fire, and that -this continue until one be prostrated; also that Surgeon Scythe give the -word and be referee. But we’ll try to preserve a gentlemanly harmony.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>We agree.</p> - -<p>[<i>Each second supports his principal, and</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>times them with his -watch</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Tom, my man, turn to the C’s; I know a terrible animal noun in the C’s.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Here, Mayor Whetstone, is your adjective for gunpowder,—Patagonian.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll take bat for a bullet.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Now, by the planet Mars, you have chosen the most unearthly bullet in -the whole menagerie of animal nouns.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>].</p> - -<p>I’ve got it. I now turn to U for my gunpowder.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Master, I have no gunpowder.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_126" id="page_126"></a>{126}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>You unlettered utensil, you! The letter U.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Time! One, two,—fire!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Patagonian bat!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>pronouncing calf with broad sound of letter a</i>].</p> - -<p>Unutterable calf!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>A foul! a foul! I claim a foul.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Upon what do you base your foul?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Upon the letter <i>a</i> in calf. In place of rightly firing calf with the -Italian sound of <i>a</i>, as in bah, he wrongly fired calf with <i>a</i> broad. -Therefore he fired <i>a</i> broadside, with sound the same as in ball. I -claim the foul is sound.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Let me examine your weapon [<i>examining</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle’s</span> <i>dictionary</i>]. I -plainly see a calf with two little dots like budding horns above the -letter <i>a</i>, denoting the Italian sound; and as you wrongfully fired -broad <i>a</i>, and as broad <i>a</i> in your<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_127" id="page_127"></a>{127}</span> weapon is denoted by two little -dots below the <i>a</i>, I rule you struck below the belt, and hence <i>a</i> -foul.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>First foul for Fopdoodle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>See him tremble.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>I struck him badly.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Gentlemen, are your honors satisfied?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Never! War to the word knife!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Never! War to the word hilt!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Then sadly be it said: Reload. I’ll see if there is any blood on yonder -red and warlike Mars. [<i>Looks at Mars with glass, while the others -reload from dictionaries.</i>] Time! One, two,—fire!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Hyperborean ibex!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_128" id="page_128"></a>{128}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Parabolical goose!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Are you satisfied?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Never! War to the word knife!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Never! War to the word hilt!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Reload. [<i>They reload.</i>] Time! One, two,—fire!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Impecunious porcupine!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Hypothecated buzzard!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<i>Lightning and thunder, while</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>examines the sky with -glass</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Listen, Tom! I think I hear the police! The police! Let us be going!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hold! ’Tis but the thunder, heaven’s police drilling near the distant -horizon. Let their lanterns flash and their clubs smash the sky, but -this duel shall go on.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_129" id="page_129"></a>{129}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Gentlemen, reload. [<i>They reload.</i>] Time! One, two,—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Hold! My tongue slipped.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>And the lightning’s blown my lantern out.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Lightning and thunder.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>re-lighting</i> <span class="smcap">Tom’s</span> <i>lantern</i>].</p> - -<p>I hope I may re-light your lantern without an explosion. A fearful storm -is brewing, but we must make them fight until one falls.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll stand by my master.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Time! One, two,—fire!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Categorical catamount!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Bog-trotting bull-frog!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Foul, foul, a most terrible and bulldozing foul,—a double-barrelled -fowling-piece; a two-bullet foul.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_130" id="page_130"></a>{130}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>A bull-frog is no fowl.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>A most naked and unfeathered fowl.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Upon what purely scientific facts do you now perch your alleged fowl?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Upon the rail between bull and frog. Bull-frog is a compound animal -noun, composed of one bull and one frog, connected by a hyphen, or -narrow ligament, like the Siamese twins,—two animals in one. I ask -judgment.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Lightning and thunder.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Listen to my decision; for though it should rain bull-frogs, I’ll decide -by analysis. The difference lies between the grammatical bull-frog and -the purely animal bull-frog. Grammar does not concern the animal -bull-frog, but has much to do with the word bull-frog. The purely animal -bull-frog is manifestly not a fowl; but inasmuch as by the rules only -one animal noun is allowed at a shot, and whereas the grammatical -bull-frog is compounded of two animals linked by a hyphen, I declare -them a chain-shot, disallowed in civilized warfare, and a foul of the -worst description.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Good master, he says ’tis a foul.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_131" id="page_131"></a>{131}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>We’re in bad odor with this referee. I smell foul play. Give me my -spirit of hartshorn, or I faint.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Here it is, good master.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>smells of hartshorn, and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>drinks out of a -flask</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Time! One, two,—fire!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Humpbacked sham!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Infamous liar!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>You man in buckram! You rambling sham! You blue sham, three-cornered -sham, catalectic sham! You panting, rampant sham, black sham, white -sham, speckled sham!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>].</p> - -<p>Stop him! He has opened the menagerie. Foul, foul! He has fired a whole -sham battery.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll slay him on the spot. You catacomb! you catastrophic, cataleptic, -catacoustic cat! Pooh! you spotted<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_132" id="page_132"></a>{132}</span> poodle, you freckled poodle, you -yellow-brindled poodle! dogfish! you dogmatic-dogwood-doggerel dog.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Lightning and thunder.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom</span> [<i>supporting</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>].</p> - -<p>Good master, bear up. ’Tis only a shower of cats and dogs.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>fainting</i>].</p> - -<p>Give me a drink of tiger’s blood!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>].</p> - -<p>See, you have struck him; he is falling.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>falls, clasping his dictionary</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>].</p> - -<p>Run quickly. Catch me a sheep in yonder field. By transfusing blood from -its veins to his, I’ll make the weak brave, the faint alive. [<i>Taking up -a surgical instrument.</i>] Now, great Science, help me!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Good master, I go to get the sheep.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Long live and let live the literary duel!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<i>Lightning and thunder. The scene closes while</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>gather around</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>, <i>administering -to him</i>.</p></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_133" id="page_133"></a>{133}</span></p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> III.—<i>The Glen of Ferns. Midday.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">See how great Nature lavishes in this<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hard wrinkle in the globe a subtle and<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Refining power, as if it were the open<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Volume of the earth with fern-clad cliffs<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For lettered pages. Here the glad sun comes<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In his most favoring hour, with impress of<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A God, in splendor sparkling down the glen.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye ferns that spring along these cliffs with light<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And airy grace, see but my Violet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And ye shall take a new and tender charm.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yon rainbow, in the sportive mist above<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cascade glowing, well a brighter bow<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Might grow when it doth catch the arch words of<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bright Violet. Ye berries crimsoning<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On yonder bushes, were ye roseate<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As are the ripe red lips of Violet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wise men a holiday would take, and go<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A-berrying. E’en weeds along the cliff<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Were like some pretty fault in Violet,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sweet contrast growing but for beauty’s foil.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be free and happy, all created things;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye singing birds, your melodies attune;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And ye, blithe squirrels—Peeping Toms of trees—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_134" id="page_134"></a>{134}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">From out your leafy coverts peep, and I’ll<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not jealous be.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>, <i>at top of rustic stairway</i>.</p> - -<p class="c"> -Ay, there she comes, fair Violet!<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Heigh-ho! Why art thou down so low?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">That I may upward gaze at thee. For as<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One in the deep bottom of a well, above<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May see a star at midday, so do I<br /></span> -<span class="i0">See thee from the deep bottom of this glen.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">With fancy thou dost blithely scale this stair,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As doth some heavenly singer; yet thou seest<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou art still at the bottom of the glen.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Let us be like two notes in music blent;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou high, I low; yet both in sweet accord.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Truly, thou art my Ideal. But, alack!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’ve called thee by thy name.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Give thou it me, and I will bear no other.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_135" id="page_135"></a>{135}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Thou hadst it long ago.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">To be thy Ideal more real were<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than to achieve all other reals.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>archly</i>].</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Alas! the hard vicissitudes of life!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Why, how now, Violet? I’ll bear them all.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">All hard vicissitudes?<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>All.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I have an uncle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>If he’s a hard vicissitude, I’ll bear him too.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll go tell my uncle. [<i>Going.</i>]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Nay, hold. Within thy words, as in the cinctured<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Filaments of lace thou wear’st, I see the fine<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Transparent tracery of gossamer<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Designs. In such a web I’d fain be caught.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_136" id="page_136"></a>{136}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>And I’d fain catch thee.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Come, let us walk within this pleasant glen;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And if we weary,—on a mossy bank,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In the cool shade of interlacing leaves,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We’ll watch the gentle coquetry between<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A burning sunbeam and a shaded fern.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There’s not a fern-leaf, berry, blade of grass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor flower, but I’ll gather it for thee.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If at thy feet it grow, then I’ll kneel there;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If higher, in a crevice of the cliff,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Together we will reach for it, and in<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The touching of our finger-tips it shall<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Part company with earth in ecstasy.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And if, above, thou dost but gladly view<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That most sky-kissing flower, the heavenly bluebell,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which with transparent hue embellishes<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The summit of the cliff, why, I’ll climb there.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>And leave me in the lone recesses of the glen?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">If thou didst not detain me with thine eyes;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For if, in climbing upward, I looked back,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’d see the sky and bluebell in thine eyes,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And so return to thee. Come, Violet, come.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_137" id="page_137"></a>{137}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Ah, me! See what a deep, deep stair it is.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">[<i>Aside</i>] Aloof the bluebell, lovers joy to see.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">[<i>Aloud</i>] I’ll not descend.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8">Then I’ll invoke<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The spirit of this lovely glen, that dwells<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In yonder rock, to aid in my petition.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Turns and calls to rock on further side of glen.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Come, Violet!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>An echo is heard repeating</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">I think I hear my uncle calling;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I must go. Adieu!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Think not so. I but now called Violet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And what thou heard’st was the far echo of<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy name, that’s borne by yonder rock from out<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This cheering vale to listening hills beyond.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It is a wanton, merry rock that doth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Delight to sweetly hold discourse in doubling<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of thy name. But as it hath no beard<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Upon its face, except a fringe of ferns,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’ll not be jealous. For such gentle service,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Violet, give not the rock the hardness<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of thy uncle’s heart; but stay.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_138" id="page_138"></a>{138}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Between thee and the rock, I almost am persuaded.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Sweet Violet, do not go,—be persuaded<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Altogether; for although this is<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A sheltered glen, with pleasant sunshine tempered,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet from thy coldness I would perish as<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A homeless midnight traveller, embedded<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Mid bewildering snowbanks.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Say not so; for if thou, my dear Ideal,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On such a cruel, frosty bank lay dying,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And I were Violet beneath the snow,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As violets do often grow, I’d call<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On all the powers in stars above and in<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The earth below to move the frosty barrier.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I’ll come to thee.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<i>The scene closes while</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span> <i>descends the stair, and</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span> -<i>advances to meet her</i>.</p></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_139" id="page_139"></a>{139}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="Act_the_Fifth" id="Act_the_Fifth"></a>Act the Fifth.</h2> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.—<i>A room at the Dolphin Inn. Evening.</i></h3> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>with</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>in black dress as his shadow.<br /> -Each with guitar and song-book.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>A day and night,—and now another day hath waned for our recuperation; -and our adventures have flown on lightning wings to Cornville. Now do we -start on new emprise.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major Bluegrass, this serenade must be played on the hard-pan. Put me -through to-night, and I’ll make you half-owner of the Cornville Eagle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Trust me, I’ll be your musical secretary! With the Eagle and Ninon, I -could soar through life like a bird.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>And I’ll soar with Violet. Why, hello! I’ve forgotten all about Susan. -Where’ll I leave Susan?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_140" id="page_140"></a>{140}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Susan! Your housekeeper! Why, what takes you back to Cornville at such a -sky-crisis as this? The great point in a flight of romance is never to -approach earth. Susan! Why, Susan will tarry here below and superintend -the cuisine, so that you and Violet may have a warm repast when you come -down from your sky-parlor.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I wonder what Susan will say when I bring home my bride.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>As one good man should say to another, first bridle your bride.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why, Major, Susan and I were young together, and we loved, or thought we -did. She wanted to marry, I wanted to wait; consequence, compromise. I -engaged her as my housekeeper. There’s romance for you!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis an ancient parallel.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>In our serenade, what shall I do?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>The guitar you hold you cannot play; hence I’ll do the mechanical upon -the strings, while you twit the circumambient<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_141" id="page_141"></a>{141}</span> air from the bridge -musical of your instrument. And if you’d prove me with a double burden, -I’ll bear both words and music; in which event you’ll give the color and -visible gesture of description. Stand you beneath some close-leaved -tree, where the night overlaps, and I’ll be concealed near you in the -shrubbery. Later, I’ll emerge behind you, as your true shadow.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>All right, I’ll give the motions. Now, let’s see what we have in the -song-book. [<i>Opening song-book.</i>] Here’s the Midnight Serenade; and -Beauteous Lady I Adore Thee. That’s business. Here’s a whole grist of -meeting songs: [<i>reading</i>] Meet Me at the Lane; Meet Me by Moonlight; -Meet Me, Darling, in the Dell; Meet Me down by the Sea; Meet Me in the -Arbor; Meet Me in the Twilight. Where’ll this end? Meet Me ’neath the -Slippery-Elm Tree. Meet Me in the Willow-Glen. Why, Major, the earth is -covered with meeting-places. But wait! [<i>Examining book and pondering.</i>] -What book-carpenter did this work? Here’s Black-Eyed Susan—[<i>aside</i>] -Susan has brown eyes—[<i>aloud</i>] sandwiched between Paddle your own Canoe -and the Pirates’ Chorus.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>He was a ship-carpenter who did his work ship-shape.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Comin’ thro’ the Rye, Comin’ thro’ the Rye,—that<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_142" id="page_142"></a>{142}</span> sounds homelike. -Major, my boy, sing and play while I act it.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>sings and plays Comin’ thro’ the Rye, while</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span><br /> -<i>accompanies with pantomime</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Demosthenes the Athenian, being interrogated, replied that action makes -the orator. I may add that it makes the singer.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You’re right. [<i>Examining song-book.</i>] Here’s a whole nest of -love-songs: Love, Beautiful Love; Love in a Cottage; Love Launched a -Ferry-boat.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis not ferry-boat, but fairy boat.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Love is at the Helm.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>That’s when love’s at sea.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Love is like the Morning Dew.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>We’re approaching land again.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_143" id="page_143"></a>{143}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Love’s Perfect Cure.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>We don’t need it.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Love’s the Greatest Plague.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hold on! yes, we do.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>reading</i>].</p> - -<p>Love Me Little, Love Me Long; Love, Love, oh, what is Love? Major, my -boy, that settles it. We must find out. Hurrah! I feel like a new man! -Let’s be going! If I fail, Northlake shall not have a dollar. Violet’s -the only collateral he can put up. If I don’t get her, I’ll take the -next train to Cornville and marry Susan on the spot. She’s been a good -housekeeper to me these many years; and once when I was sick she bathed -my feet in hot water and mustard, and put a hot flannel around—I think -it was my throat; and her elder-blossom tea can’t be beaten.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Do you falter?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>No; I’ll have what I want. You remember the bay<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_144" id="page_144"></a>{144}</span> colt that cost me five -thousand dollars? People thought I was a fool, but I wasn’t.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>You were a horse diplomat.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Exactly. I saw points, and now the colt has a great record. I see points -about that girl Violet that no one else sees. She’s an extraordinary -girl, a thoroughbred, and I’ll back my judgment with my money.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>What if she don’t take kindly to you?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Watch me closely, and you’ll see me win her to-night. What’s the use of -money, if you can’t get—points, my boy, when you want them? And yet—</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>And yet what?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>And yet Susan has points too. She can roast a goose splendidly,—and -that elder-blossom tea! But enough of this. Away to serenade.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_145" id="page_145"></a>{145}</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II.—<i>A dining-ball in</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake’s</span> <i>Villa</i>. <span class="smcap">Pompey</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Hannibal</span> -<i>arranging dining-table</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Pompey</span> [<i>merrily</i>].</p> - -<p>Yah! yah! I say, Hannibal, Lake Shore’s g’wone up. I make pile money on -dat happy shore, shure. Stocks am de ting to put de money in de -stockin’.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Hannibal</span> [<i>gloomily</i>].</p> - -<p>So! so! I lose pile money on dat Hudson Ribber. My banker telegram fo’ -moh margin every fifteen minutes fo’ foh hours. De agony of dem hours I -can nebber tell you, Pompey. De telegram-wire, and de tongue of -lightnin’, holler, Moh margin! Hudson Ribber g’wone down,—moh margin! I -and de ole woman scrape and scrape, and empty de big stockin’ bank dat -de old woman hab under de bed fo’ de rainy day; still it holler, Moh -margin! And den de old woman raise de washtub ’gainst her lawful -husband. I nebber tink dat ribber railroad could sink so fast. Pompey, -it am de fashion to condumdole wid your misfortunate neighbor; how much -you condumdole wid me, Pompey?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Pompey.</span></p> - -<p>You hear me, chile! I lose moh money on dat Hudson Ribber dan you ebber -see.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Hannibal.</span></p> - -<p>Why, honey, how am dat? You hab no Hudson Ribber stock.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_146" id="page_146"></a>{146}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Pompey.</span></p> - -<p>I was g’wone down de ribber on de canal-boat, when I losed it. Yah, yah!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Hannibal.</span></p> - -<p>Pompey, you am too friv’lous and vis’nary fo’ de bus’ness man,—fo’ de -stock op’rator.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Pompey.</span></p> - -<p>Hannibal, I hab de call on you. Now let us confabulate togedder like -sensible people. Ober two hours ago, I see de mess’nger boy bring de -telegram. It ware from Mr. Northlake’s banker, and it read: You made -five hundred thousand dollars to-day on Lake Shore stock. Now you hab -seen Mr. Northlake cast down, way down,—tremendously, moh dan usual, -fo’ ’bout a month,—way down, ’cause he lose all his own and Miss -Violet’s fortune speculatin’,—way down; but when he read dat, he smile -like de little chile; and he say to me: Pompey, dere’ll be a -surprise-party yere to-night. Spread de banquet fo’ de guests. And now -we doin’ it, ain’t we?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Hannibal.</span></p> - -<p>I’m glad ob dat, fo’ Miss Violet’s sake, and de tings she gibs me; but -dis am de point I must determinate before de limbs work easy: Ware am de -margin g’wone dat I don’t hab,—de one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Pompey.</span></p> - -<p>Dat, chile, am g’wone ware de weasel’s g’wone wid de egg.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_147" id="page_147"></a>{147}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Hannibal.</span></p> - -<p>Dat am a big weasel to get away wid one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents. I’ll write my banker, shure, in de mornin’ ’bout de -wrong p’ints he gibs me. Dat’s my p’intin’ ’pinion ’bout him. Maybe -he’ll loan me it back again,—dat one thousand seven hundred and -ninety-seven cents.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exeunt.</i><br /> -</p> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene</span> III.—<i>The lawn in front of</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake’s</span> <i>Villa</i>.</h3> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>with guitars, stealthily<br /> -advancing through the shrubbery, and appearing upon the lawn</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Now do we stand upon the green lawn of fresh enterprise. Stand yourself -’neath yonder tree, and fix your eyes on the balcony [<span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>takes -position accordingly</i>], while I, from behind this green projecting wing -of shrubbery, project our ripening song [<i>moving behind the shrubbery</i>]. -First, our song of salutation, with fresh words.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>, <i>under cover of the shrubbery, sings and plays, while</i><br /> -<span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with pantomime</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The moon is on the hills,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">The glow-worm’s in the grass;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The nightingales have bills,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">The owls have singing-class.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_148" id="page_148"></a>{148}</span></p> - -<p> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>ceases singing while</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>continues<br /> -pantomime</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Give me more words!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>I’ve forgotten the rest, and therefore take a rest.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Look! the door is opening. [<i>Door partly opens, and</i> <span class="smcap">Pompey</span> <i>shows his -head</i>.] Great thunder—a black walnut!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Vanish, thou black January! [<span class="smcap">Pompey</span> <i>vanishes</i>.] We’ll strike a mellower -melody, and yonder balcony shall bear fruitage brighter than October. -The prize of the troubadours in the courts of love was the golden -violet.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Give me no more sentimental nonsense. Sing a song of business.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>That’s clever. I feel the inspiration. I’ll improvise a matter-of-fact -descriptive ballad illustrating the moral maxim, Business before love.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_149" id="page_149"></a>{149}</span></p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>sings and plays</i>; <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with pantomime,<br /> -and joins in singing last line of each stanza</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Katie and Jack got up at morn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And she came with two ears of corn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And he came with his brassy horn,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">To drive the ducks to market, O!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Now Katie’s ducks were white as snow,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But Jackie’s ducks were black as crow;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So o’er the hills away they go,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Driving the ducks to market, O!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Then Jackie blew his brassy horn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Katie shelled her ears of corn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While the rooster crowed upon the thorn,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Driving the ducks to market, O!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Now Katie loved, and so did he,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And he his horn hung on a tree;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh, they were glad as the busy bee,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Keeping the ducks from market, O!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The moon fell down behind a hill;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The sun winked at the miller’s mill;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The lark got up upon his quill,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Keeping the ducks from market, O!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Alas! alas! green grew the grass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The duckies, hunting garden sass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fell in a trap. Alas! alas!<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Keeping the ducks from market, O!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_150" id="page_150"></a>{150}</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Then he cried chuckie, duckie, O!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then she cried duckie, chuckie, O!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But oh, alas! it was no go,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Driving the ducks to market, O!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><small>MORAL</small>.</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">The moral’s plain as the bumble-bee,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Clear on the top of a tall tree.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh, wait! if lovers you may be;<br /></span> -<span class="i2">First drive your ducks to market, O!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span> <i>upon the balcony</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I plainly see there’s business in this night. [<i>Perceiving</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>.] -Why, ’tis the self-same knight that did bedight another night, but far -more musical. There’s a sad want of unity here, as no music, however -rich, can me unite to yonder knight. [<i>Addressing</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>.] Do my two -eyes behold that Mayor Whetstone, of Cornville, near the capital of -Illinois, called Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who drove the -Indians down the Mississippi?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>You do behold with two, unless with one you kindly wink upon me, which I -half believe you do.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Is thy meaning double or single?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_151" id="page_151"></a>{151}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Sweet Miss Violet, I have been a man with an eye single to business, but -who would double his business.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Don’t give her any quandaries.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, thou hast changed thy voice!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Major, you rascal, assume my voice!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>assuming</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone’s</span> <i>voice</i>].</p> - -<p>Sweet Violet, it is the air, that’s sometimes tuneful and sometimes not, -that doth effect the change.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou art an artful man.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>assuming</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone’s</span> <i>voice</i>].</p> - -<p>Sweet Violet, ’tis even noted so.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Confound you, ’tis not so!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>assuming</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone’s</span> <i>voice</i>].</p> - -<p>I meant to say the air is so.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_152" id="page_152"></a>{152}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>If thou sowest the air with so, so, thy harvest will be no, no. The air -upon this balcony well balances its fruitage.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>You villain, we’re caught!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I’ll not complain if thou wilt sing me another song.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Major, you rascal, another song!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>I don’t know any more.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>kneeling</i>].</p> - -<p>Sweet Miss Violet, upon this green grass I vow to love you as long as -grass grows. Oh, Miss Violet, you’re too young to know what you may -lose. You may lose the real Merchant Prince of Cornville, near the -capital of Illinois, called Hercules after his grand-uncle Hercules, who -drove the real Indians reeling down the real Mississippi.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Rise, thou mighty chief of merchandise. I set much store by thee.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>rising and aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Major, my boy, did you hear that?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_153" id="page_153"></a>{153}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Great Prince, it is my humor to be enamoured of thy union of business -and romance. [<i>Calls to</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span> <i>within</i>. <span class="smcap">Ninon</span> <i>enters</i>. <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> -<i>leaves the shrubbery and goes behind</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <i>as his shadow</i>.] Take -no leaves from my shrubbery. What is’t that’s back of thee, Prince?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis but the shadow cast from me by the moonlight.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>The tree ’neath which thou standest is cedrine, and its laced boughs, -filtering the moonlight, cast an interlacing shadow on the lawn; upon -this plot, now, in part, a deeper shadow rests, like shadow upon shadow.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative, and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with -pantomime</i>].</p> - -<p>’Tis but a shadow, ’tis but a shadow cast from me by the moonlight.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>I hear ze voice of ze shadow, ze pretty shadow. Oh, zat I had ze shadow -up on ze balcony! Charmant!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Fie, Ninon, what wouldst thou with the fleeting shadow of this Merchant -Prince? Thou hadst not even the shadow of sentiment.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_154" id="page_154"></a>{154}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Dear mistress, I see ze rainbow in ze shadow. Superbe!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>I’ve been too long a shadow.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>You rascal, make yourself shorter!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Black slave that I am, thus to serve this merchant prince of -merchandise!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I’m a solid man, and my shadow lies solid.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Poor shadow, come off ze cold, cold ground!</p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative, and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with<br /> -pantomime</i>].<br /> -</p> - -<p>The shadow is slave to the substance. Who can separate them? None. Who -can separate them? None,—none but Ninon.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Ninon, ’tis marvellously good,—but we must go. [<i>Slowly going.</i>] -Good-night alike to substance and shadow. Yet, stay! [<i>Advancing.</i>] -Didst ever study arithmetic?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_155" id="page_155"></a>{155}</span></p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative, and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with<br /> -pantomime</i>].<br /> -</p> - -<p>Addition I have at my finger-tips. [<i>Counting notes upon his guitar.</i>] -One, two, three, four, five. Multiplication I have by heart.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Throw in all the multiplication-table.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative, and</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>accompanies with<br /> -pantomime</i>].<br /> -</p> - -<p>Come, come, let us learn, let us sing. Come, come, let us learn the -multiplication-table. Come, let us sing the multiplication-table.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou art too multitudinous, and wert born for the opera; yet I will give -thee a problem that thou shalt solve, not with thy digits, but with thy -pedals. I will teach thee subtraction, and separate thy shadow from thy -substance by plane trigonometry.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Major, steady! Listen for the click of the trigger.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>A triangle is a sweet instrument in the mathematics of love; for oft, -about the first of April nights, I’ve watched the merry wild geese in -the sky flying northward in musical and far-sounding triangles.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_156" id="page_156"></a>{156}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>I know them well. I have one in my brass band in Cornville.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>And yet triangulation by moonlight were a pleasant death, betwixt -substance and shadow. Ninon, girl, quick! bring me my bronze-covered -trigonometry.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Hold on! There must be some mistake here. Please don’t pull any trigger -on us!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>And make angels of us!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Hold on, Miss Violet! I don’t want to be an angel yet.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>There’s no fairer weapon than a book, and I’ll make no angel of thee.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>aside</i>].</p> - -<p>Let’s cap the climax and capitulate.</p> - -<p> -<i>Re-enter</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>, <i>with book</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Mistress Violet, here is ze book.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_157" id="page_157"></a>{157}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>I do not need it now. My memory serves me as well. Prince, fear not; -trigonometry is a peaceful art that maids may practice, and thou beneath -my patient yoke shalt help me draw this triangle. One side thereof shall -be betwixt thy stationed shadow and myself, another ’twixt thy shadow -and thyself, and the base side thereof shall be the distance ’twixt thee -and me,—whose baseness shall increase if it decrease.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Pauses.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Kind mistress, wilt thou have ze book?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>No book can help me. Now do I pause [<i>pausing</i>], for in this triangle -one angle is obtuse and two acute; but my good angel shall help me. ’Tis -better to be right than be acute; therefore it shall be a right-angled -triangle. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>.] Hence move you backward in the light. -[<span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> <i>moves backward.</i>] But also from your right. [<i>He moves from -his right.</i>] Ninon, girl, see, the shadow doth not follow!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Now from this angle do I see my angel.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>I know ze shadow, ze rainbow, ze major, ze grand lover!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_158" id="page_158"></a>{158}</span></p> - -<p class="c"> -<span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Whetstone</span>, <i>who has moved until he forms a right angle<br /> -with</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>].<br /> -</p> - -<p>Move no further. Thy shadow keeps no pace with thee, and fear might well -oppress a wondering maid less mathematical. Ninon, take and reflect upon -yon shadow. ’Tis thy sum total, and a happy one.</p> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Miss Violet, I’m cured. The sheep’s blood is all out of me. Pa says -I may bring you home with me; and Ma says I am a lamb with a golden -fleece, but I must not alarm them by bleating—ba-bah. I have been badly -off—but I assure you I am shorn of my malady. There is no longer any -impediment of speech to our happiness. Oh, how I want to be a noble -husband! Dear Miss Violet, may I, may I address you up so high, and I -down so low? May I? May I?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thou hast too many Mays in thy calendar, but thou mayst have a cold -March ere thou comest to a timely May.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Star of Violet, come down to the earth. No, no. O earth of black, go up -to the star of Violet. Yes, yes; but the earth can’t do it. What the -deuce is the proper thing? Well, well—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_159" id="page_159"></a>{159}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy question lies at bottom of a well too deep for a maid to fathom, -looking down from a balcony.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Miss Violet, may I come up?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Thy ardor is alarming!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Miss Violet, my servant, Tom, has a ladder waiting for me, and I -will climb to thee. Don’t be alarmed; I am harmless, O dazzling Violet!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Lovers should have in their hearts ladders of words better than any made -with hands. Where is thy ladder?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>[<i>Calling to</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>, <i>around the corner</i>] Tom, my man, bring your master -love’s ladder.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>Good master, I come.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>enters with a ladder and sets it against the wall</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Don’t let it slip! Tom, my man, stand firm.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>He ascends.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_160" id="page_160"></a>{160}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Tom.</span></p> - -<p>I obey, good master.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative and plays</i>].</p> - -<p>See! see! the bold burglar. Help! help! He ascends! he ascends!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>halting</i>].</p> - -<p>I—I—I, Augustus Fopdoodle, a bad burglar man! I—I, the son of my -father, Fopdoodle! Pray, sweet Miss Violet, who are those rude, bad men?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span> [<i>sings in recitative and plays</i>].</p> - -<p>We are a triangle, and we’ll make a parallelogram of you. We are—we -are—an accurate right-angled triangle, and we’ll make, we’ll make, a -p-a-r—par, a-l—paral, l-e-l—parallel, o—parallelo, -g-r-a-m—parallelogram—of you.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Get down off the ladder!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>’Tis the voice of the barbarian, Whetstone,—my animal noun, my enemy!</p> - -<p> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Jack</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Jack</span> [<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>].</p> - -<p>Put the ladder back in the garden!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_161" id="page_161"></a>{161}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle.</span></p> - -<p>Help me, good Jack!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<span class="smcap">Jack</span> <i>takes hold of ladder, and</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>tumbles<br /> -from it</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> [<i>rising</i>].</p> - -<p>O dazzling Violet, my heart’s in ruins, and I’m turned down.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span>, <span class="smcap">Jack</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>move a short distance with<br /> -ladder; when</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>holds, and</i> <span class="smcap">Fopdoodle</span> <i>leans upon it</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="c"> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>observing no one, and with hand-net, in pursuit of<br /> -a night-beetle buzzing in the air</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>Where flies the beetle, I pursue. There, I hear it now! [<i>The buzz of a -flying beetle is heard.</i>] Lovely night-beetle! Now you rise, and now you -sink in curving flight. [<i>He pursues, listening, till the sound -ceases.</i>] Now you’ve rested on a night-blooming flower, and I’ll -approach more softly than lover does a dreaming maid, nor wake with -rude-paced step your finer sense of airy motion. [<i>He advances -cautiously in search.</i>]</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>See, Ninon; he sees no one. In our time let maids be jealous. Science -has its votaries as deeply rapt as love’s suitors.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_162" id="page_162"></a>{162}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe</span> [<i>stopping, and observing the beetle on a flower</i>].</p> - -<p>What a rare and beautiful specimen for the Academy! Since early eve I’ve -followed in the moonlight, through gardens, groves, and lawns. Now I’ll -capture thee. [<i>He throws his net over the flower, but the beetle, -escaping, flies away with a buzzing sound, while he watches its course -through his glass.</i>] ’Tis a peerless beetle, with wings of purple -filigreed with gold and silver, which leave in sparkling flight a trail -of light. I’ll follow it till morning, but I’ll capture it.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span> <i>in pursuit, and without having observed any one</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Alack! few lovers are so ardent in their pursuit, and some do lag most -grievously. [<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>] One was to come to-night, beneath my window, -whom I’ve yet not seen.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>But see, my mistress, something is coming up ze orchard path.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>intently observing</i>].</p> - -<p>’Tis distant, and yet ’tis bigger than a man’s hand. Why, Ninon, ’tis a -man. How near wouldst thou say he is?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Courage, my mistress! he has ze fleet pace of ze lover.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_163" id="page_163"></a>{163}</span></p> - -<p> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal.</span><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ideal.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Violet, in hastening by the orchard path to meet thee ’neath thy -window, I was detained by thy sweet sisters of the field, which sprang -along my path in myriad gayety, while I in blissful fantasy did win -them; and here, accompanied with my love, I tender thee this bunch of -golden-hearted violets.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet.</span></p> - -<p>Why, ’tis my Ideal! I’ll ne’er forsake thee; for were I to forsake my -Ideal, that which were forsaken were better than that which were taken. -To thee I’ll swift descend, and, descending, I’ll ascend.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon</span> [<i>following</i>].</p> - -<p>And I’ll descend to ze grand Major, for ze willing mistress makes ze -willing maid.</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, I’m for a flank movement. We’re in the heat of battle. Let’s head -them off! Let us on! She’s a prize! She’s a thoroughbred! What points -she has! See the points and angles she gave us. She’s worth all! -[<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Violet</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Ninon</span>, <i>who are joined by</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Bluegrass</span>.] -She must not escape me; I’ll throw in the Eagle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Hold! Not the Eagle.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_164" id="page_164"></a>{164}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>The bank, the steeple, the stores, the Academy, my farm on Pearl -Creek,—all, all, everything,—but I’ll have her!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Major, save ze Eagle!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Fear not; we’ll always share ze Eagle between us.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Ze grand Major will not share ze Eagle,—cut ze fedders off?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Never, my child of innocence, never! We’ll have one sparkling -hearthstone, one sprightly boudoir, one full panoplied Eagle.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Ninon.</span></p> - -<p>Oui, oui, très joli! charmant!</p> - -<p> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Northlake</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Catharine</span>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Good friends, and Mayor Whetstone, welcome all!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It is a happy and auspicious time.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This day the turn of Fortune’s fickle wheel<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hath brought a double gift of joy to me.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This is my wife, from whom I was estranged,—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_165" id="page_165"></a>{165}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Catharine, light of my youthful life,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Now reunited by a tenderer tie<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than held our earlier years of wedded love.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And this same day, by sudden rise of stocks<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On the Exchange, my fortune and my niece’s<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Have been restored to us. Swiftly hath flown<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The time since when, upon a troublous day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yon Merchant Prince and I together planned<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Without her leave, as men too oft have done,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To violate a gentle maiden’s heart.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But she by maiden wit and nimble mirth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hath warded off and foiled our ruder blows;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For Nature gives to helpless maids such powers<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To guard their hearts as are undreamt of men.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let us be glad that naught but harmless mirth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hath been the kind result of deeper plans.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For, friends, good mirth is better than fine gold;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis Heaven’s mercy shown to weary man,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And falls upon the heart of melancholy<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As fall refreshing dews on earth at eve.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And as in sparkling drops of crystal dew<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Night-clouded Earth doth clasp the light of stars,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So doth the heart of melancholy catch,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In sparkling laughter, the light of merry hearts.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Major, now for my revenge! Send for my housekeeper, my castle-keeper. -Order Susan. I’ll celebrate my nuptials on this sea-girt strand.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_166" id="page_166"></a>{166}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Bluegrass.</span></p> - -<p>Shall I order the nuptial plumage?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>For both. At once.</p> - -<p> -<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span> <i>with garments on each arm</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Punch.</span></p> - -<p>Ladies and gentlemens, I have some beautiful wedding garments.</p> - -<p class="c"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Scythe</span>, <i>enthusiastically, with hand-net and beetle</i>.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Scythe.</span></p> - -<p>I’ve caught the beetle!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>Exhibiting a large beetle.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Send it to my Cornville Museum!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">A word with thee, my gallant Mayor Whetstone:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There’s one within, who, having heard afar<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy strange adventures in this seaside town,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy loves, thy titles, and thy masquerades,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And more especially thy fearful duel<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In the wood,—instanter boarded cars at Cornville<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To rescue and to succor thee in peril;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">She’s here,—she waits,—and now she doth appear.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p> -<i>He opens a door and</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>enters</i>.<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_167" id="page_167"></a>{167}</span></p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Susan!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Susan.</span></p> - -<p>Hercules!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Susan!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Susan.</span></p> - -<p>Dear Hercules!</p> - -<p class="r"> -[<i>They embrace.</i><br /> -</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Oh, Susan!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Susan</span> [<i>surveying him</i>].</p> - -<p>Why, Hercules, how you’ve changed! I do declare! your clothes are full -of wrinkles. How thin you’ve grown! you must have lost twenty pounds! I -must make you, this very night, a cup of my elder-blossom tea; I’ve -brought the blossoms with me [<i>taking package from pocket</i>]. Hercules, -can it be that you would have forsaken your Susan?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone.</span></p> - -<p>Why, Susan!</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Susan.</span></p> - -<p>I knew it could never be.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Whetstone</span> [<i>petting her</i>].</p> - -<p>That’s right, Susan; we’ll be married. Think of it, we’ll be married, -Susan!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_168" id="page_168"></a>{168}</span></p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>[<i>Music.</i> <span class="smcap">Pompey</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Hannibal</span> <i>open doors on veranda, showing -dining-hall; and</i> <span class="smcap">Pompey</span> <i>announces that dinner is served</i>.</p></div> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>May you all be my guests! There’s indoors spread a merry cap-sheaf to -this mirthful wooing. Let all proceed within.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>presenting</i> <span class="smcap">Ideal</span>].</p> - -<p>Uncle, my Ideal.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Violet, my niece, happy art thou who hast for real thy Ideal.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>persuasively</i>].</p> - -<p>Good uncle, thou wilt not cut down the tree in the orchard?</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Northlake.</span></p> - -<p>Nay, ’twill bear good fruit in good season.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Violet</span> [<i>to the company</i>].</p> - -<p>A philosophic uncle, and a kind one.</p> - -<p class="cpers"><span class="smcap">Curtain.</span></p> - - - -<hr class="full" /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Merchant Prince of Cornville, by -Samuel Eberly Gross - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MERCHANT PRINCE OF CORNVILLE *** - -***** This file should be named 54014-h.htm or 54014-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/0/1/54014/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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