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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..88e9c1b --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #53388 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/53388) diff --git a/old/53388-0.txt b/old/53388-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index bb1959d..0000000 --- a/old/53388-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1196 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Answering the Phone, by Elizabeth F. Guptill - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Answering the Phone - A Farce - -Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill - -Release Date: October 28, 2016 [EBook #53388] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANSWERING THE PHONE *** - - - - -Produced by Emmy, MFR and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - -[Transcriber's Note: Bold text is surrounded by =equal signs= and italic -text is surrounded by _underscores_.] - - -Answering the Phone - - - - - - New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago - - -THE LATEST ENTERTAINMENTS—JUST PUBLISHED - - - -=KRIS KRINGLE’S MINSTRELS.= - -By Effie Louise Koogle. The “totally different” Christmas -entertainment. Add to the attractiveness of the minstrel show idea the -distinction of having “His Royal Nibs” as Interlocutor, with equally -unique personalities as End Men, endow them with a program flashing -with fun, brilliant with beauty, enlivening with song and teeming with -specialties, and you have a scream of delight from start to finish. The -most novel novelty of the age. 25 cents. - - -=THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE.= - -By Edith Palmer Painton. A class play in four acts and an epilog. 6 -males, 6 females. We have prevailed upon the author to allow us to -publish this remarkably successful commencement play, which has been -leased in manuscript for several years, and which always scores a -brilliant success. It is the highest type commencement play. Acting -rights free to purchaser of 12 copies. 35 cents. - - -=VERA’S VACATION.= - -By Louise Rand Bascom. 4 males, 5 females. This accomplished author -has done nothing better than this absorbing story of a summer vacation -and the marvelous transformation of a grouchy father into a genial -friend. The summer boarders are every one eccentric characters and -the opportunities are immense. Clean, wholesome, elegant. Strongly -recommended. 25c. - - -=THE CHARITY PUPIL.= - -By Misses Rice and Clark. 14 females. A boarding school episode lively -with vivacious pranks and interesting situations. The plot is strong, -and culminates in a happy surprise. Stunts and specialties introduced. -A splendid class play. 25 cents. - - -=PETITE PLAYS.= - -A capital collection of the spiciest comic dialogs, comedies and -farces by the best known writers in America. These plays are short, -strong, pithy and witty, easy to give, and require only from two to six -characters. Just right for schools. 30 cents. - - -=HUMOR UP-TO-DATE.= - -The cleverest humor of modern times. Monologs, readings and -recitations, portraying the funny side of present-day notions and -doings. Fresh, crisp, snappy. For all ages. 25 cents. - - -The Famous Five-Cent Funny Farces. - - =AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH.= By Effie Louise Koogle. - 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric folk visit the - school, producing no end of fun. 5 cents. - - =AUNT LUCINDY STAYS.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 - females. Two darky characters make lots of fun. Clever - and clean. 5 cents. - - =“BEAT IT!”= By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 1 female. A - scolding wife makes trouble for everybody, the parson - included. Oceans of fun. 5 cents. - - =THE BUGTOWN BAND.= By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 - female. More fun than you can imagine, and a little - music which anybody can make. 5 cents. - - =THE BUZZVILLE NEWS.= By Effie Louise Koogle. 2 males, - 1 female. A breezy conversation between the manager and - new editor. A sure hit. 5 cents. - - =BETTY AND BETSY.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 - females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but he wanted - Betty. Bright and pretty. 5 cents. - - =DOT ENTERTAINS.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 1 male, 1 - female. Dot entertains her big sister’s beau, and the - things she tells him are a plenty. A big success. 5 - cents. - - =THE GOOSE FEATHER BED.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 4 males, - 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish and eccentric - characters. Easy and amusing. 5 cents. - - =THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR.= By Louise Rand Bascom. - 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic is mistaken for the - brain specialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. - 5c. - - =LOOK OUT FOR HEZIKIAH.= By Louise Rand Bascom. 3 - males, 1 female. Hayseed parents visit college dean. - Splendid opportunity for clever acting. Bright and - amusing. 5c. - - =LAUGHTER AND SONG.= By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 - females. Comic dialog interspersed with jolly songs, - making a continuous funny story. 5 cents. - - =MORE TIME OUT.= By Carolyn F. Rice. 7 females. An - amusing comedy dealing with the servant problem. - The characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but - effective. 5 cents. - - =OH, YOU TEACHER!= By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males, 4 - females. A splendid comedy of school life, showing the - amateur teacher’s trials. Funny and well suited for - schools. 5c. - - =ONE ON THE AGENT.= By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 - female. A clever skit, bright with telling repartee. - Recommended for all occasions. 5 cents. - - =THE “PHYSICAL TORTURE” CLUB.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 - m., 2 f. Physical culture exercises for which Ma is too - stout and Pa is too rheumatic. Killingly funny. 5 cents. - - =RASTUS BLINK’S MINSTRELS.= By Effie Louise Koogle. For - any number. His “Kinky Koons” are killing. The jolliest - minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 5 cents. - - =THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE.= By Willis N. Bugbee. - 3 males, 2 females, and other firemen, if desired. A - brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 5 - cents. - - =“SCAT!”= By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. - Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her youth. Very - laughable. 5 cents. - - =SEEING THE ANIMALS.= By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 - females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, and a - spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 5 cents. - - =THE STUPID WITNESS.= 3 males. The lawyer and witness - lock horns and have an awful time, but it’s fun for the - audience. Swift and keen. 5 cents. - - =THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES.= By Louise Rand - Bascom. 1 male, 2 females. Will they catch the train? - The awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 5 cents. - - =WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 - males, 1 female. Humorous situation resulting from a - misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 5 cents. - - =No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.= - - - - -Answering the Phone - - A Farce - - - - By - - ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL - - - - _Price 10 Cents_ - - - - _All Rights Reserved, Amateur Performance Permitted_ - - - [Illustration] - - _Tullar-Meredith Co._ - - 265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago - - _Copyright 1914 by Tullar-Meredith Co - International Copyright Secured_ - - - - -Answering the Phone - - -Characters - -Mrs. Courtney; Miss Eleanora Courtney, her daughter; Nora Flanagan, the -new hired girl. - - - - -SCENE I. - -The living room of the Courtney home. Mrs. Courtney dressed ready -for the street. She gives finishing touches to her toilet before the -mirror, then steps to side door. - - -_Mrs. C._ If any one calls while I am gone, Nora, say I am out. Make -hot biscuits for tea, and open a jar of strawberries. Be sure to answer -the phone. The last girl I had didn’t know what a telephone was, and -ignored it all the afternoon. It made me a lot of trouble, and I had to -let her go. I will leave the door open so you can hear it. - -_Nora._ (Without.) I’ll answer it, mem, to be sure. - -_Mrs. C._ Very well. I’ll be back before tea time, but don’t tell any -caller so. Just say I’m out. If they ask when I’ll return, you don’t -know. - -_Nora._ Faith an’ I do, thin—befoor tay time. - -_Mrs. C._ I mean you must tell them you don’t know. Remember, now, and -be sure to answer the phone. - -(Exit Mrs. C. by other side door. In a minute, Nora appears from -kitchen, looks toward that door.) - -_Nora._ Sure an’ she didn’t lave the outside dure opin, so it must be -this dure she was afther manin’. So the last gurl didn’t know what -a tillyphone was, didn’t she? Will, sorra a bit more do I, but I’ll -answer it if it shpakes to me, civil-like. It must be in this room, for -this was the dure she lift open. Now is it a Polly Parrot, or what is -it? Begorry, its Nora Flanagan that don’t know at all, at all. Come, -Tilly, Tilly, Tilly! Come show yuresilf, and lit me hear the voice av -yez. Where in the wurruld doos yez kape yersilf? Come Phony, Phony, -Phony! Come, that’s a good baste! (She has been looking everywhere. -She now seats herself.) Stay where yez are, thin, bad ’cess to yez! -I naden’t answer yez if yez don’t shpake, that’s sure! (Phone rings; -Nora jumps, with a little scream.) Sure an’ I niver heard the durebell -sound as near as that! (Exit.) (Comes back muttering.) Bad ’cess to -thim byes! A rapping and a ringing and thin whin yez go to the dure, -no wan bees there, at all, at all! (Phone rings again. Nora runs out, -but comes back to put her head through the doorway.) Faith, an’ I’ll -watch fur ’em this toime, and ketch the crathers! (Exit Nora. Phone -rings again. Nora enters, and seats herself.) Sure, and that’s a quare -thing! That wasn’t the durebell at all, at all. I thought it sounded -in this room, but there’s no bell here, at all, at all! If this house -is haunted, its mesilf that won’t stay a night in the place, I don’t -wurruk where there’s witches nor ghosts, that’s flat. (Bell rings -again. Nora looks at phone.) Sure, and I belave it’s that little box -that’s makin’ all the noise. Perhaps that’s the phone, now. But how can -I answer it? There is no dure to open. (Bell rings again,) Shut up, -you sassy box! I aint goin’ to answer yez. (Bell rings again.) Well, -ting-a-ling-a-ling, thin. Doos that suit yez? (Enter Miss Courtney, -dressed for the street.) - -_Miss C._ Why Nora, didn’t you hear the phone? You should answer it, -when we are not here. - -_Nora._ Sure and I did answer it. - -_Miss C._ Who was it? - -_Nora._ Who was it? The Ould Harry himsilf, I belave. He kipt a ringin’ -and a ringin’ but niver a wurrud did he say. - -_Miss C._ That’s queer! (Bell rings again, Miss C. goes to phone. Nora -watches curiously.) - -_Miss C._ Hello!—— Yes—— That’s too bad—— Something wrong with the -line, maybe. The girl said she answered—— I’m sorry, but I’m just going -out, and I must go the other way. Tell her I’ll run in tomorrow—— Yes—— -Goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) Now if it rings again, Nora, answer it. -I’ll be back to tea, but don’t say so to any one. Don’t know. Just say -I’m out, and that you’ll give any message. - -_Nora._ I will do that same. (Miss C. goes out.) - -_Nora._ So that box is the tillyphone, is it? Quare things they have -in Americky——little rooms that goes up or down with yez, pieanny’s -that play thimselves, trumpets that sing at yez, and boxes that talk to -yez! (Bell rings.) There goes the thing again. Well, she put this to -her ear, and talked through this. Hello!—— It’s mesilf—— Sure and it -isn’t. It’s number 12 Maple Avenue, Mrs. Coortney’s house—— Yis, I’m -the gurrul, Nora Flanagan—— No, she’s not at home, she’s gone out, and -the young lady too—— Sure, and she said she would be home at taytime—— --Oh, begorra, she said I wasn’t to know whin she’d be home. I’ll give -her a message if yez like—— Who did you say?—— Oh, yis, Mrs. Donahue—— -No?—— Oh, Mrs. Van Houton? Is that roight?—— Yis, I’ll tell her yez -hollered through the little box, but I’ll not tell her yez called, -for yez didn’t. I niver set eyes on yez. I can lie, if I must, for my -misthress, but I shan’t lie to her—— Yis, goodbye to yez. (Hangs up -receiver.) Sure and I did that in foine shtyle. It’s Nora Flanagan can -learn the Yankee ways. Now where was that woman, I wonder? And how -did I hear the voice av her so plain? It’s witchcraft, I do belave. -Sure, and I’ll ask the praste, nixt toime I go to confession, if it’s -all roight fer a good gurrul to middle with. If not, I shan’t answer -the crather anny more. (Bell rings.) There it goes again. (Takes down -receiver.) Hello!—— Yis, it’s Nora, sure—— No, there’s no one ilse -here—— Sure, it’s a good hand yez are at coortin, but how do yez know -how pretty I am?—— Yis, av coorse it’s Nora—— Odd? Yis, maybe. Yez own -sounds odd, too—— Yis, I caught it, but I don’t care to have me ears -kissed—— Do I, now? Well I’m not sure—— Yis, I’ll tell yez tonight, if -yez come—— The theayter? Sure I will that same—— And a little supper, -did yez say, aftherwards? I’ll be there—— No, it’s no freak, it’s the -right voice av me—— Yis, I do thin, a little—— Well, goodbye thin, me -dear—— Yis, at eight, goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) To think I’ve got -me a beau, so soon, and I’ve niver set eyes on him, nayther. Reginald! -It’s a pretty name, that it is. Whin did he see me, I wonder? (Primps -before glass.) Well there’s lots of Yankee gurruls not so good looking -as Nora Flanagan. I must hurry up the tay, and be riddy whin me young -man gits here. Bedad, I’ll be guessing he’s the perliceman that told me -the way here. He was a foine looking man, to be sure, and Irish, by his -look and brogue, but not by the name av him. Reginald! Real foine it -sounds! (Exit into kitchen.) - - -(CURTAIN) - - - - -SCENE II. - - -(Same setting as before. Mrs. C. and Miss C. just being let in by Nora.) - -_Mrs. C._ And did any one call for me while I was out, Nora? - -_Nora._ No mem, a Mrs. Donahue hollered through the tellyphone, and -wanted me to say she called, but she niver came near the dure at all, -at all. She didn’t seem to want nothin’ but to know what number this -was, and what my name was. Rather sassy, she was, I thought. - -_Mrs. C._ Mrs. Donahue? I don’t know any Mrs. Donahue. - -_Nora._ Sure and I thought she didn’t know yez, all the toime, mem. She -jist wanted to holler through the little bellbox. - -_Mrs. C._ Is tea ready? - -_Nora._ It is, mem. - -_Miss C._ And did any one call for me, at the door or the phone? - -_Nora._ Niver a sowl, Miss, (to Mrs. C.) Plaze mem, may I have me -avenin’ out tonight, instid av tomorry? - -_Mrs. C._ Why, I don’t know. Why? - -_Nora._ It’s invited out I am, by me young man, mem. - -_Mrs. C._ But you told me you had no followers. - -_Nora._ No more I did, thin, but I hev one now. He called me on the -phone, and I said I’d go. I must, mem, if I lose me place. - -_Mrs. C._ What does he do, Nora? - -_Nora._ He’s a perliceman, I belave, mem, and he has a swate way av -making love over the phone. Sure, and I didn’t know yez could kiss -through those little boxes. - -_Miss C._ Oh! But where is he going to take you, Nora? - -_Nora._ To the theayter, and a bit av a supper aftherwards, Miss. May I -go, mem? - -_Mrs. C._ But who is he, Nora? - -_Nora._ Me beau, mem. - -_Mrs. C._ What is his name, I mean? - -_Nora._ His Christian name is Reginald, mem. - -_Mrs. C._ His last name? - -_Nora._ I fergit, exactly, mem. - -_Miss C._ (Suspiciously.) Are you sure it was you he called? - -_Nora._ And who else should it be? He called me Nora darlint, and made -love over the phone in great shape. Sure, and he’s to git his answer -tonight, so I must go. - -_Miss C._ Mamma! It was Reginald! He always calls me Nora. - -_Nora._ Is that yez name? - -_Miss C._ It’s Eleanora. - -_Nora._ Well, it’s mesilf that don’t want yez beau, but nayther kin yez -hov moine. I’ll tell yez what I’ll do. We’ll both be riddy at eight, -and bedad, he kin choose betwixt us. - -_Mrs. C._ Do you mean to say, Eleanora, that he would dare court you -over the phone? - -_Miss C._ Well, he might. See here, Nora, I’ll show you my Reginald’s -picture, and if that’s the one that comes, bring him in and call me. If -not, you may have him. Is that fair? (Shows photo.) - -_Nora._ Sure and if that’s the man, yez kin have him and wilcome. It’s -no city dude loike that, that Nora Flanagan wants. But bedad, if it -is him, yez’ll hev to say yis or no this noight, for I promised him -through the little phone that yez would. Good luck to yez, Miss, and -good luck to me, too. If I’ve made a mis larrago this toime, mebbe the -little bellbox’ll bring me a good Irish beau yit. Come out to tay, and -thin bedad, we’ll both git ready for our beaux, and good luck to the -both av us. Sure and it’s great fun answering the phone annyhow. (She -goes out, followed by the others.) - -[Illustration] - - - - -Best Entertainments for Any Time. - -Dialogs and Plays. - - -=A CORNER IN HEARTS.= By Edna Randolph Worrell. Parlor play for 4 young -men and 1 lady, or 5 men. Very amusing. All the lovers propose to the -same girl. Rich humor; pleasing situations. Excellent for any time. 25 -minutes. 15 cents. - -[Illustration] - -=A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL.= By Lettie Cook VanDerveer. A new play -of the “Deestrick Skule” type. Up-to-date wit and clever drolleries. A -city automobile party in contrast with rural youngsters. Lots of fun. -Songs, etc., may be introduced. A capital play to make money for church -or school. 25 cents. - -=A GOOSE AND SOME GEESE.= By Eleanor Stinchcomb. A Jolly Mother Goose -play with a very pointed climax. For 5 girls and 7 boys. Time, 15 -minutes. 15 cents. - -=A HALLOWE’EN ADVENTURE.= A lively play, by Effie Louise Koogle. Full -of ghostly excitement and spooky frolic. Specially suited for social -occasions. 8 males and 8 females, or more. 3 scenes. 1 hour. 15 cents. - -=A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION.= A play for all ages. By Elizabeth -F. Guptill. A little girl is sent ostensibly to play with a friend, -but really to carry a message to General Marion. She is captured by -the British, but by her cleverness deceives them, and reaches her -destination. Full of historic interest. 10 males, 5 females. More boys -may be added as soldiers, if desired. 25 cents. - -[Illustration] - -=AL MARTIN’S COUNTRY STORE.= A burlesque for from 15 to 30 -participants, by Archibald Humboldt and Martelle Everett. Unsurpassed -for merriment, taking qualities and ease of production. A country -store with all its peculiar environments is depicted. The loafers, the -small customers, the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers, -all have parts. There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the -play proceeds and culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the -greatest success as a popular entertainment. 25 cents. - -=CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE.= A spectacular play or cantata, by -Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations compete for -the laurel crown. It embraces a fine march; splendid songs by Archibald -Humboldt. Very effective. 13 ladies. 25 cents. - -=CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL.= A humorous play for children or young people, -by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Presents the trials of a new “skewlmarm” on -the opening day, and the performances of the pupils in the presence of -august visitors on closing day. A veritable mirth-provoker. Full of the -richest humor. 10 males. 16 female characters (or less). 25c. - -[Illustration] - -=CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN.= A spectacular play by Elizabeth F. Guptill. -Children go Maying, select and crown a queen, wind the Maypole, and -have a merry time. The frolic is quickly changed to great excitement by -the appearance of a gypsy, who attempts to abduct them. A very clever -plot and a happy arrangement. 9 boys and 8 girls, or 17 girls. 25 cents. - -=CUPID’S JOKE.= A charming little drama in which Cupid plays an -Important part. A splendid society play for St. Valentine’s Day, or any -social occasion. 5 male and 5 female characters, and Cupid. 3 scenes, -45 minutes. By Effie Louise Koogle. 15 cents. - -=DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME, ORIGINAL.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. Interesting -and amusing. May be given in any room with very few property -requirements, by primary and intermediate grades. The author’s name is -a guarantee of their excellence. They are witty, spicy and lively. 25 -cents. - -=DISPELLING OF BIG JIM, THE.= A negro farce in one act, by Sterling C. -Brewer. Decidedly humorous. Big Jim is being tried by the officials -of Big Bethel Church for some misdemeanor. The trial is full of -interesting occurrences and culminates in an exciting event. Full of -darky humor. 8 male characters. 30 minutes. 15 cents. - -=DOCTOR AND PATIENT.= By John M. Drake. 2 male characters. Very funny. -5c. - -=DOIG’S EXCELLENT DIALOGS.= By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four excellent -dialogs for the primary grades. “Keeping Store,” 3 girls, 1 boy. -“Guessing,” 3 girls, 2 boys. “Playing School,” 4 boys, 4 girls. -“Christmas Eve,” 3 girls, 2 boys. 10 cents. - -=DOLL DIALOG.= This is a very instructive dialog for 4 little girls. 5 -cents. - -=DOLLY SHOW, THE.= A dialog in rhyme for 7 little girls and 2 boys. The -girls have a baby show with their dollies, and each “mother” shows her -baby off to the best advantage. The judge is unusually wise, awarding -the prize to the satisfaction of each one. The sayings of the little -ones are cute, and the whole performance a great success. 15 cents. - -=DOLLS’ SYMPOSIUM, THE.= A most unique and captivating play, by -Elizabeth F. Guptill. It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills, -clever burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children -impersonate the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a -surprising fun maker. For any number from 16 to 60. One-half to one and -one-half hours, as desired. 25 cents. - -=GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE.= A dialog by Mrs. Hunt. For 1 male and 3 -female characters. 5 cents. - -[Illustration] - -=THE GOLDEN GOBLET.= An exceedingly clever farce, with female cast, for -Bachelor Girls’ and Women’s Clubs, Sororities, etc., by Louise Rand -Bascom, author of “_The Masonic Ring_.” Uproariously funny with absurd -situations and comical elaborations. A “hit” for any occasion. Easy to -produce. Any number of characters, but 12 required. 1 hr. 35c. - -=HEIR OF MT. VERNON, THE.= A Colonial Society Play for any occasion, in -which Washington’s social life, sterling manhood and courteous manners -are portrayed. In one scene Christmas is celebrated in rare plantation -style. Lively with old plantation melodies and pranks. By Effie Louise -Koogle. For grammar grades or adults. 4 scenes, 8 boys and 8 girls, or -more will be better. 1 to 2 hours. 25 cents. - - -=No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.= - - - - -POPULAR ENTERTAINMENTS - - -[Illustration] - -=THE RAG SOCIABLE.= A quaint old fashioned entertainment which is -always sure to please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotson. Music by various -Composers. The dialog is very spicy and interesting, and humor and -pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical selections. The -characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria, -Miss Jemima Rush, Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the -Allen twins (elderly), Mrs. Martha Ann Hall, Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane -Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The list of characters may be extended -ad. lib. to meet local conditions. - -A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls, Ladies’ Aid, -Christian Endeavor and Epworth League Societies, etc. Price. 25 cents -per copy. - - -=LOVE FINDS THE WAY, or Tho Detective That Father Hired.= Music by -Chas. H. Gabriel. Words by Rev. Wm. Danforth, author of “The Old -District School,” etc. A highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four -characters: A Determined Young Lover, an Irate Father, a Daughter with -a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother—parts: tenor, -basso, soprano and alto. - -This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will -serve to enliven any entertainment. The music is moderately easy, -melodious and should be available in practically all communities. This -work consists of some 12 pages in sheet music form. - -The story is as follows: A father, who objects to his daughter having -a beau, believing that she is planning to elope with an unknown young -man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young -lover answers the advertisement, and the father hires him to detect -the culprit, promising to pay him “anything within reason.” When the -young lover’s true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for -having detected himself, the hand of the daughter. The irate father -objects. The daughter eventually convinces him that true love was the -real detective in the case, and the parental consent is given. Price. -$1.50: 50 per cent. discount. - - -=THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL.= A farce in two acts (new version). Book by -Wm. Danforth. Music arr. by Geo. F. Rosche. This is a burlesque on the -district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is -the central character. His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with -brass buttons, or a worn and faded “claw-hammer” coat, colored vest cut -low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, “high-water,” with -a patch of other color on one knee; well-worn shoes. Bald gray wig and -“side” whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those -of the teacher. The characters all read their lines from the book, so -that there is very little to be memorized and for this reason this work -can be prepared in a very short time. Price, postpaid, 50 cents per -copy. - - -=THE CHAPERON.= A humorous Operetta in three Acts. Libretto by Wm. -Danforth. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Chaperon” is a humorous -operetta designed for church choir and young people’s societies. It -will be found available in all communities in which seven young men and -seven young ladies who sing can be found. The music is bright, tuneful, -easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is witty, clean, -wholesome and entertaining. Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copy. - - -[Illustration] - -=THE VISION OF HENSEL.= An evening with the old songs. The old songs of -childhood, youth, love, war and home. Libretto by Ellan N. Wood. There -is no friend like an old friend and after all there are no songs we -love quite so much as the old ones. - -This cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the -old songs which we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to -the work to form a continuous chain of thought throughout, and we know -of no cantata that will afford such a pleasing entertainment at such a -small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if only to -secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor -and pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. Price, 30 cents -per copy, postpaid; $3.00 per dozen, not prepaid; add 3 cents per copy -for postage. - - -=THE SPINSTERS’ CLUB.= A humorous operetta in two acts. Libretto by -Harriet D. Castle. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Spinsters’ Club” is -a humorous operetta designed for church choirs and young people’s -societies. It will be found available in all communities in which a -church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and yet easy to -learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining. -Price, postpaid 60 cents per copy. - -=A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 3 -cents for postage; to be returned postpaid or paid for in Thirty days.= - - * * * * * - - -ILLUSTRATED PANTOMIMED HYMNS - -=NEARER MY GOD TO THEE.= Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. -This is a particularly fine production and lends itself admirably for -a twelve-minute addition to an evening’s entertainment in the church -or hall. The instructions are very clear so that this pantomime may be -prepared by anyone with ordinary talent or ability. The fourteen full -figure halftone illustrations will be found an excellent help. - -The music is very complete. The regular hymn tune is printed for mixed -voices; also an original quartet for voices of women and on original -setting for voices of men and an original duet for soprano and alto -by J. S. Fearis, thus furnishing a variety of music found in no other -publication of this sort. Price, 40 cents postpaid. “Not sent on -examination.” - - -=IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR.= Posed under the direction of -Eleanor H. Denig. This pantomime will be particularly interesting -during the winter season for a twelve-minute addition to church or -other entertainments. The directions are very elaborate, enabling any -person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete, -consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for -voices of both women and men; also a very fine duet soprano and alto; -the latter by Chas. H. Gabriel. Price, 40 cents per copy postpaid. “Not -sent on examination.” - - - - -NEW PLAYS - -By Elizabeth F. Guptill - - -[Illustration] - -=The School at Mud Hollow.= A burlesque in two parts. 8 Males and 19 -Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents. - -PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by -Miss Arabella Pinkham, who has come to “Mud Hollow” to assume the -responsible duties of “Teacher” in the school. In selecting “Mud -Hollow” she seeks a change from the city life she is accustomed to, and -finds plenty of it in the manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. -From start to finish there is nothing but fun. - -PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud -parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class -by the Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the -pupils. Part II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the -finest fun possible. “_The School at Mud Hollow_” may be given in one -evening, but for those who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or -to give only one part, we offer the same work announced below under -the title of “_The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School_” and “_The Last -Day at Mud Hollow School_” either of which can be given as a complete -entertainment without regard to the other one. - -=The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School.= Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT -MUD HOLLOW. 6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. - -=The Last Day at Mud Hollow School.= Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT -MUD HOLLOW. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. - - -=Santa’s Rescue= - -[Illustration] - -Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, -one being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the -inscription on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by -placing the papers together they have the message that the “Old Witch” -of the North has captured “Santa” and holds him in an ice prison at -the North Pole. Of course there could be no “Merry Christmas” without -their “patron saint”, so guided by the “Fairy Godmother” they start for -the North Pole to rescue him. The “Old Witch” endeavors to block the -rescuers’ way by the assistance of “Old Zero” and the “Snow Fairies” -but when they learn that the snow drifts they are piling up are to aid -in keeping “Santa” from his usual Christmas activities they get the -“Sunbeam Fairies” to come to their aid and melt the snow, while they -bind with a frozen cord the “Old Witch,” who is found indulging in a -nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the “Old Witch” -powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter. - -Tho’ belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the -children are glad to become his “aides” in spreading a “Merry -Christmas” through all the world. This is a very clever plot, well -worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 -Boys and 5 Girls with any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price -25 cents. - - -FARCES - -=Taking the Census.= Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience -in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. -Almira Johnson, a “cullud lady,” and her young son Alexander. Three -characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents. - - -[Illustration] - -=Answering the Phone.= Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most -trying experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in -their absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special -reference to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora -makes a date with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the -extreme. 3 females. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. - - -=The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister.= They have a -delightful time telling family secrets to the “New Minister,” who has -called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their -mother to find out from her if she is “In,” for so often she is “Out” -when she is “In” and “In” when she is “Out.” 2 Males and 1 Female. Time -about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. - - =NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT “ON EXAMINATION”= - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Obvious punctuation errors repaired. Back cover advertisement had a -Library of Congress sticker obscuring part of the upper right text. It -was filled in using another cover’s text in the same series. - -Inside back cover, “particuarly” changed to “particularly” (be -particularly interesting) - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Answering the Phone, by Elizabeth F. 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Guptill - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Answering the Phone - A Farce - -Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill - -Release Date: October 28, 2016 [EBook #53388] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANSWERING THE PHONE *** - - - - -Produced by Emmy, MFR and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - - - -<h1 class="faux">Answering the Phone</h1> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 527px;"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="527" height="800" alt="cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="center"> -<span class="u">New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago</span><br /> -</p> - - -<div class="adtitle2"><span class="u">THE LATEST ENTERTAINMENTS—JUST PUBLISHED</span></div> - - - -<div class="adtitle4">KRIS KRINGLE’S MINSTRELS.</div> - -<p class="unindent">By Effie Louise Koogle. The “totally different” Christmas entertainment. 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Just right for schools. 30 cents.</p> - - -<div class="adtitle4">HUMOR UP-TO-DATE.</div> - -<p class="unindent">The cleverest humor of modern times. Monologs, readings and recitations, portraying the -funny side of present-day notions and doings. Fresh, crisp, snappy. For all ages. 25 cents.</p> - - -<div class="adtitle4"><big>The Famous Five-Cent Funny Farces.</big></div> - -<div class="hangsection"> - -<p class="unindent"><b>AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH.</b> By Effie Louise Koogle. 1 male, 2 females. -These eccentric folk visit the school, producing no end of fun. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>AUNT LUCINDY STAYS.</b> By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters -make lots of fun. Clever and clean. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>“BEAT IT!”</b> By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes trouble for -everybody, the parson included. 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Funny and well suited for schools. 5c.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>ONE ON THE AGENT.</b> By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, -bright with telling repartee. Recommended for all occasions. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE “PHYSICAL TORTURE” CLUB.</b> By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 m., 2 f. Physical culture -exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheumatic. Killingly funny. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>RASTUS BLINK’S MINSTRELS.</b> By Effie Louise Koogle. For any number. His “Kinky -Koons” are killing. The jolliest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE.</b> By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and -other firemen, if desired. A brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 5 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>“SCAT!”</b> By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to -prove her youth. 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Irish dialect. 5 cents.</p></div> - -<p class="center"> -<b>No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.</b><br /> -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="unindent"><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - - -<div class="bbox"> -<div class="maintitle">Answering the Phone</div> - -<div class="center"> -A Farce<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -By<br /> -<br /> -ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<i>Price 10 Cents</i><br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<i>All Rights Reserved, Amateur Performance Permitted</i><br /> -<br /> -<br /></div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 197px;"> -<img src="images/emblem.jpg" width="197" height="50" alt="Tullar-Meredith logo" /> -</div> - -<div class="center"> -<br /> -265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago<br /> -</div><div class="copyright"><br /> -<i>Copyright 1914 by Tullar-Meredith Co<br /> -International Copyright Secured</i><br /> -</div></div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="unindent"><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a><br /><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="maintitle">Answering the Phone</div> -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h2>Characters</h2> - -<p class="unindent">Mrs. Courtney; Miss Eleanora Courtney, her daughter; Nora -Flanagan, the new hired girl.</p> - - - -<hr class="tb" /> -<h2>SCENE I.</h2> - -<p class="unindent">The living room of the Courtney home. Mrs. Courtney dressed -ready for the street. She gives finishing touches to her toilet -before the mirror, then steps to side door.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> If any one calls while I am gone, Nora, say I am out. -Make hot biscuits for tea, and open a jar of strawberries. Be -sure to answer the phone. The last girl I had didn’t know what -a telephone was, and ignored it all the afternoon. It made me -a lot of trouble, and I had to let her go. I will leave the door -open so you can hear it.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> (Without.) I’ll answer it, mem, to be sure.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> Very well. I’ll be back before tea time, but don’t tell -any caller so. Just say I’m out. If they ask when I’ll return, -you don’t know.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Faith an’ I do, thin—befoor tay time.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> I mean you must tell them you don’t know. Remember, -now, and be sure to answer the phone.</p> - -<p class="unindent">(Exit Mrs. C. by other side door. In a minute, Nora appears -from kitchen, looks toward that door.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Sure an’ she didn’t lave the outside dure opin, so it -must be this dure she was afther manin’. So the last gurl -didn’t know what a tillyphone was, didn’t she? Will, sorra a -bit more do I, but I’ll answer it if it shpakes to me, civil-like. -It must be in this room, for this was the dure she lift open. Now -is it a Polly Parrot, or what is it? Begorry, its Nora Flanagan -that don’t know at all, at all. Come, Tilly, Tilly, Tilly! Come<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> -show yuresilf, and lit me hear the voice av yez. Where in the -wurruld doos yez kape yersilf? Come Phony, Phony, Phony! -Come, that’s a good baste! (She has been looking everywhere. -She now seats herself.) Stay where yez are, thin, bad ’cess to -yez! I naden’t answer yez if yez don’t shpake, that’s sure! -(Phone rings; Nora jumps, with a little scream.) Sure an’ I -niver heard the durebell sound as near as that! (Exit.) (Comes -back muttering.) Bad ’cess to thim byes! A rapping and a -ringing and thin whin yez go to the dure, no wan bees there, at -all, at all! (Phone rings again. Nora runs out, but comes back -to put her head through the doorway.) Faith, an’ I’ll watch -fur ’em this toime, and ketch the crathers! (Exit Nora. Phone -rings again. Nora enters, and seats herself.) Sure, and that’s -a quare thing! That wasn’t the durebell at all, at all. I thought -it sounded in this room, but there’s no bell here, at all, at all! If -this house is haunted, its mesilf that won’t stay a night in the -place, I don’t wurruk where there’s witches nor ghosts, that’s -flat. (Bell rings again. Nora looks at phone.) Sure, and I -belave it’s that little box that’s makin’ all the noise. Perhaps -that’s the phone, now. But how can I answer it? There is no -dure to open. (Bell rings again,) Shut up, you sassy box! I -aint goin’ to answer yez. (Bell rings again.) Well, ting-a-ling-a-ling, -thin. Doos that suit yez? (Enter Miss Courtney, dressed -for the street.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Why Nora, didn’t you hear the phone? You should -answer it, when we are not here.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Sure and I did answer it.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Who was it?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Who was it? The Ould Harry himsilf, I belave. He -kipt a ringin’ and a ringin’ but niver a wurrud did he say.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> That’s queer! (Bell rings again, Miss C. goes to phone. -Nora watches curiously.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Hello!—— Yes—— That’s too bad—— Something -wrong with the line, maybe. The girl said she answered—— -I’m sorry, but I’m just going out, and I must go the other way. -Tell her I’ll run in tomorrow—— Yes—— Goodbye. (Hangs -up receiver.) Now if it rings again, Nora, answer it. I’ll be -back to tea, but don’t say so to any one. Don’t know. Just -say I’m out, and that you’ll give any message.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> I will do that same. (Miss C. goes out.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> So that box is the tillyphone, is it? Quare things they -have in Americky——little rooms that goes up or down with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> -yez, pieanny’s that play thimselves, trumpets that sing at yez, -and boxes that talk to yez! (Bell rings.) There goes the thing -again. Well, she put this to her ear, and talked through this. -Hello!—— It’s mesilf—— Sure and it isn’t. It’s number 12 -Maple Avenue, Mrs. Coortney’s house—— Yis, I’m the gurrul, -Nora Flanagan—— No, she’s not at home, she’s gone out, and -the young lady too—— Sure, and she said she would be home -at taytime—— -Oh, begorra, she said I wasn’t to know whin she’d -be home. I’ll give her a message if yez like—— Who did you -say?—— Oh, yis, Mrs. Donahue—— No?—— Oh, Mrs. Van Houton? -Is that roight?—— Yis, I’ll tell her yez hollered through the -little box, but I’ll not tell her yez called, for yez didn’t. I niver -set eyes on yez. I can lie, if I must, for my misthress, but I -shan’t lie to her—— Yis, goodbye to yez. (Hangs up receiver.) -Sure and I did that in foine shtyle. It’s Nora Flanagan can -learn the Yankee ways. Now where was that woman, I wonder? -And how did I hear the voice av her so plain? It’s witchcraft, -I do belave. Sure, and I’ll ask the praste, nixt toime I go to -confession, if it’s all roight fer a good gurrul to middle with. If -not, I shan’t answer the crather anny more. (Bell rings.) -There it goes again. (Takes down receiver.) Hello!—— Yis, -it’s Nora, sure—— No, there’s no one ilse here—— Sure, it’s a -good hand yez are at coortin, but how do yez know how pretty I -am?—— Yis, av coorse it’s Nora—— Odd? Yis, maybe. Yez -own sounds odd, too—— Yis, I caught it, but I don’t care to -have me ears kissed—— Do I, now? Well I’m not sure—— Yis, -I’ll tell yez tonight, if yez come—— The theayter? Sure I will -that same—— And a little supper, did yez say, aftherwards? -I’ll be there—— No, it’s no freak, it’s the right voice av me—— Yis, -I do thin, a little—— Well, goodbye thin, me dear—— Yis, -at eight, goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) To think I’ve got me -a beau, so soon, and I’ve niver set eyes on him, nayther. -Reginald! It’s a pretty name, that it is. Whin did he see me, -I wonder? (Primps before glass.) Well there’s lots of Yankee -gurruls not so good looking as Nora Flanagan. I must hurry -up the tay, and be riddy whin me young man gits here. Bedad, -I’ll be guessing he’s the perliceman that told me the way here. -He was a foine looking man, to be sure, and Irish, by his look -and brogue, but not by the name av him. Reginald! Real foine -it sounds! (Exit into kitchen.)</p> - - -<div class="center">(CURTAIN)</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="unindent"><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>SCENE II.</h2> - - -<p class="unindent">(Same setting as before. Mrs. C. and Miss C. just being let in -by Nora.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> And did any one call for me while I was out, Nora?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> No mem, a Mrs. Donahue hollered through the tellyphone, -and wanted me to say she called, but she niver came -near the dure at all, at all. She didn’t seem to want nothin’ -but to know what number this was, and what my name was. -Rather sassy, she was, I thought.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> Mrs. Donahue? I don’t know any Mrs. Donahue.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Sure and I thought she didn’t know yez, all the toime, -mem. She jist wanted to holler through the little bellbox.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> Is tea ready?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> It is, mem.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> And did any one call for me, at the door or the phone?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Niver a sowl, Miss, (to Mrs. C.) Plaze mem, may I -have me avenin’ out tonight, instid av tomorry?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> Why, I don’t know. Why?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> It’s invited out I am, by me young man, mem.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> But you told me you had no followers.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> No more I did, thin, but I hev one now. He called me -on the phone, and I said I’d go. I must, mem, if I lose me -place.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> What does he do, Nora?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> He’s a perliceman, I belave, mem, and he has a swate -way av making love over the phone. Sure, and I didn’t know -yez could kiss through those little boxes.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Oh! But where is he going to take you, Nora?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> To the theayter, and a bit av a supper aftherwards, -Miss. May I go, mem?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> But who is he, Nora?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Me beau, mem.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> What is his name, I mean?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> His Christian name is Reginald, mem.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> His last name?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> I fergit, exactly, mem.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> (Suspiciously.) Are you sure it was you he called?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> And who else should it be? He called me Nora darlint, -and made love over the phone in great shape. Sure, and he’s -to git his answer tonight, so I must go.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Mamma! It was Reginald! He always calls me Nora.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Is that yez name?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> It’s Eleanora.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Well, it’s mesilf that don’t want yez beau, but nayther -kin yez hov moine. I’ll tell yez what I’ll do. We’ll both be -riddy at eight, and bedad, he kin choose betwixt us.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Mrs. C.</i> Do you mean to say, Eleanora, that he would dare -court you over the phone?</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Miss C.</i> Well, he might. See here, Nora, I’ll show you my -Reginald’s picture, and if that’s the one that comes, bring him -in and call me. If not, you may have him. Is that fair? (Shows -photo.)</p> - -<p class="unindent"><i>Nora.</i> Sure and if that’s the man, yez kin have him and -wilcome. It’s no city dude loike that, that Nora Flanagan -wants. But bedad, if it is him, yez’ll hev to say yis or no this -noight, for I promised him through the little phone that yez -would. Good luck to yez, Miss, and good luck to me, too. If -I’ve made a mis larrago this toime, mebbe the little bellbox’ll -bring me a good Irish beau yit. Come out to tay, and thin -bedad, we’ll both git ready for our beaux, and good luck to the -both av us. Sure and it’s great fun answering the phone annyhow. -(She goes out, followed by the others.)</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/decoration.jpg" width="75" height="38" alt="two flowers decoration" /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<div class="adtitle2">Best Entertainments for Any Time.</div> - -<div class="adtitle3">Dialogs and Plays.</div> - - -<p><b>A CORNER IN HEARTS.</b> By Edna Randolph Worrell. Parlor play for 4 young men -and 1 lady, or 5 men. Very amusing. All the lovers propose to the same girl. Rich -humor; pleasing situations. Excellent for any time. 25 minutes. 15 cents.</p> - -<div class="figright" style="width: 113px;"> -<img src="images/i-010a.jpg" width="113" height="165" alt="A Day at Happy Hollow School cover" /> -</div> - -<p><b>A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL.</b> By Lettie Cook VanDerveer. -A new play of the “Deestrick Skule” type. Up-to-date wit and clever -drolleries. A city automobile party in contrast with rural youngsters. Lots -of fun. Songs, etc., may be introduced. A capital play to make money -for church or school. 25 cents.</p> - -<p><b>A GOOSE AND SOME GEESE.</b> By Eleanor Stinchcomb. A Jolly Mother -Goose play with a very pointed climax. For 5 girls and 7 boys. Time, -15 minutes. 15 cents.</p> - -<p><b>A HALLOWE’EN ADVENTURE.</b> A lively play, by Effie Louise Koogle. -Full of ghostly excitement and spooky frolic. Specially suited for social -occasions. 8 males and 8 females, or more. 3 scenes. 1 hour. 15 cents.</p> - -<p><b>A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION.</b> A play for all ages. -By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A little girl is sent ostensibly to play with a -friend, but really to carry a message to General Marion. She is captured by the British, -but by her cleverness deceives them, and reaches her destination. Full of historic interest. -10 males, 5 females. More boys may be added as soldiers, if desired. 25 cents.</p> - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;"> -<img src="images/i-010b.jpg" width="120" height="160" alt="Al Martin's Country store cover" /> -</div> - -<p><b>AL MARTIN’S COUNTRY STORE.</b> A burlesque for from 15 to 30 participants, -by Archibald Humboldt and Martelle Everett. Unsurpassed for -merriment, taking qualities and ease of production. A country store with -all its peculiar environments is depicted. The loafers, the small customers, -the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers, all have parts. -There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the play proceeds and -culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the greatest success as a -popular entertainment. 25 cents.</p> - -<p><b>CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE.</b> A spectacular play or cantata, -by Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations compete -for the laurel crown. It embraces a fine march; splendid songs by Archibald -Humboldt. Very effective. 13 ladies. 25 cents.</p> - -<div class="figright" style="width: 121px;"> -<img src="images/i-010c.jpg" width="121" height="162" alt="Cabbage Hill School cover" /> -</div> - -<p><b>CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL.</b> A humorous play for children or young -people, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Presents the trials of a new “skewlmarm” -on the opening day, and the performances of the pupils in the -presence of august visitors on closing day. A veritable mirth-provoker. -Full of the richest humor. 10 males. 16 female characters (or less). 25c.</p> - -<p><b>CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN.</b> A spectacular play by Elizabeth F. -Guptill. Children go Maying, select and crown a queen, wind the Maypole, -and have a merry time. The frolic is quickly changed to great excitement by -the appearance of a gypsy, who attempts to abduct them. A very clever -plot and a happy arrangement. 9 boys and 8 girls, or 17 girls. 25 cents.</p> - -<p><b>CUPID’S JOKE.</b> A charming little drama in which Cupid plays an -Important part. A splendid society play for St. Valentine’s Day, or any -social occasion. 5 male and 5 female characters, and Cupid. 3 scenes, -45 minutes. By Effie Louise Koogle. 15 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME, ORIGINAL.</b> By Elizabeth F. Guptill. Interesting and -amusing. May be given in any room with very few property requirements, by primary and -intermediate grades. The author’s name is a guarantee of their excellence. They are -witty, spicy and lively. 25 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DISPELLING OF BIG JIM, THE.</b> A negro farce in one act, by Sterling C. Brewer. -Decidedly humorous. Big Jim is being tried by the officials of Big Bethel Church for -some misdemeanor. The trial is full of interesting occurrences and culminates in an exciting -event. Full of darky humor. 8 male characters. 30 minutes. 15 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DOCTOR AND PATIENT.</b> By John M. Drake. 2 male characters. Very funny. 5c.</p> - -<p><b>DOIG’S EXCELLENT DIALOGS.</b> By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four excellent dialogs -for the primary grades. “Keeping Store,” 3 girls, 1 boy. “Guessing,” 3 girls, 2 boys. -“Playing School,” 4 boys, 4 girls. “Christmas Eve,” 3 girls, 2 boys. 10 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DOLL DIALOG.</b> This is a very instructive dialog for 4 little girls. 5 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DOLLY SHOW, THE.</b> A dialog in rhyme for 7 little girls and 2 boys. The girls have -a baby show with their dollies, and each “mother” shows her baby off to the best advantage. -The judge is unusually wise, awarding the prize to the satisfaction of each one. The sayings -of the little ones are cute, and the whole performance a great success. 15 cents.</p> - -<p><b>DOLLS’ SYMPOSIUM, THE.</b> A most unique and captivating play, by Elizabeth -F. Guptill. It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills, clever -burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children impersonate -the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a -surprising fun maker. For any number from 16 to 60. One-half -to one and one-half hours, as desired. 25 cents.</p> - -<p><b>GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE.</b> A dialog by Mrs. Hunt. For -1 male and 3 female characters. 5 cents.</p> - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 129px;"> -<img src="images/i-010d.jpg" width="129" height="200" alt="The Golden Coblet Cover" /> -</div> - -<p><b>THE GOLDEN GOBLET.</b> An exceedingly clever farce, with female -cast, for Bachelor Girls’ and Women’s Clubs, Sororities, etc., by Louise -Rand Bascom, author of “<i>The Masonic Ring</i>.” Uproariously funny with -absurd situations and comical elaborations. A “hit” for any occasion. -Easy to produce. Any number of characters, but 12 required. 1 hr. 35c.</p> - -<p><b>HEIR OF MT. VERNON, THE.</b> A Colonial Society Play for any -occasion, in which Washington’s social life, sterling manhood and courteous -manners are portrayed. In one scene Christmas is celebrated in -rare plantation style. Lively with old plantation melodies and pranks. -By Effie Louise Koogle. For grammar grades or adults. 4 scenes, 8 boys -and 8 girls, or more will be better. 1 to 2 hours. 25 cents.</p> - - -<p class="center"><b>No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.</b></p> - -<hr class="full" /> -<p class="center"> -<span class="u">New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago</span><br /> -</p> - - -<div class="adtitle1">POPULAR ENTERTAINMENTS</div> - - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 174px;"> -<img src="images/i-011a.jpg" width="174" height="250" alt="The Rag Sociable cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE RAG SOCIABLE.</b> A quaint old fashioned entertainment which is always sure to -please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotson. Music by various Composers. The dialog is very -spicy and interesting, and humor and pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical -selections. The characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria, -Miss Jemima Rush, Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the Allen twins (elderly), -Mrs. Martha Ann Hall, Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The -list of characters may be extended ad. lib. to meet local conditions.</p> - -<p class="unindent">A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls, Ladies’ Aid, Christian Endeavor and -Epworth League Societies, etc. Price. 25 cents per copy.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>LOVE FINDS THE WAY, or Tho Detective That Father Hired.</b> Music by Chas. H. -Gabriel. Words by Rev. Wm. Danforth, author of “The Old District School,” etc. A -highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four characters: A Determined Young Lover, -an Irate Father, a Daughter with a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother—parts: -tenor, basso, soprano and alto.</p> - -<p class="unindent">This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will serve to enliven any -entertainment. The music is moderately easy, melodious and should be available in -practically all communities. This work consists of some 12 pages in sheet music form.</p> - -<p class="unindent">The story is as follows: A father, who objects to his daughter having a beau, believing that she is planning to elope -with an unknown young man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young lover answers the advertisement, -and the father hires him to detect the culprit, promising to pay him “anything within reason.” When -the young lover’s true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for having detected himself, the hand of the -daughter. The irate father objects. The daughter eventually convinces him that true love was the real detective in -the case, and the parental consent is given. Price. $1.50: 50 per cent. discount.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL.</b> A farce in two acts (new version). Book by Wm. Danforth. Music arr. by Geo. F. -Rosche. This is a burlesque on the district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is the central character. -His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with brass buttons, or a worn and faded “claw-hammer” coat, colored -vest cut low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, “high-water,” with a patch of other color on one knee; well-worn -shoes. Bald gray wig and “side” whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those of the teacher. -The characters all read their lines from the book, so that there is very little to be memorized and for this reason this -work can be prepared in a very short time. Price, postpaid, 50 cents per copy.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE CHAPERON.</b> A humorous Operetta in three Acts. Libretto by Wm. Danforth. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. -“The Chaperon” is a humorous operetta designed for church choir and young people’s societies. It will be found available -in all communities in which seven young men and seven young ladies who sing can be found. The music is bright, -tuneful, easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is witty, clean, wholesome and entertaining. Price, postpaid, -60 cents per copy.</p> - - -<div class="figright" style="width: 178px;"> -<img src="images/i-011b.jpg" width="178" height="261" alt="The Vision of Hensel cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE VISION OF HENSEL.</b> An evening with the old songs. The old songs of childhood, -youth, love, war and home. Libretto by Ellan N. Wood. There is no friend like -an old friend and after all there are no songs we love quite so much as the old ones.</p> - -<p class="unindent">This cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the old songs which -we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to the work to form a continuous -chain of thought throughout, and we know of no cantata that will afford such a pleasing -entertainment at such a small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if -only to secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor and -pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. Price, 30 cents per copy, postpaid; -$3.00 per dozen, not prepaid; add 3 cents per copy for postage.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>THE SPINSTERS’ CLUB.</b> A humorous operetta in two acts. Libretto by Harriet D. -Castle. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Spinsters’ Club” is a humorous operetta -designed for church choirs and young people’s societies. It will be found available in -all communities in which a church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and -yet easy to learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining. -Price, postpaid 60 cents per copy.</p> - -<p class="center"><b>A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 3 cents for postage; to be -returned postpaid or paid for in Thirty days.</b></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - - -<div class="adtitle3">ILLUSTRATED PANTOMIMED HYMNS</div> - -<p class="unindent"><b>NEARER MY GOD TO THEE.</b> Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. This is a particularly fine production -and lends itself admirably for a twelve-minute addition to an evening’s entertainment in the church or hall. The -instructions are very clear so that this pantomime may be prepared by anyone with ordinary talent or ability. The -fourteen full figure halftone illustrations will be found an excellent help.</p> - -<p class="unindent">The music is very complete. The regular hymn tune is printed for mixed voices; also an original quartet for voices of -women and on original setting for voices of men and an original duet for soprano and alto by J. S. Fearis, thus furnishing -a variety of music found in no other publication of this sort. Price, 40 cents postpaid. “Not sent on examination.”</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR.</b> Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. This pantomime will -be particularly interesting during the winter season for a twelve-minute addition to church or other entertainments. -The directions are very elaborate, enabling any person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete, -consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for voices of both women and men; also a very fine duet -soprano and alto; the latter by Chas. H. Gabriel. Price, 40 cents per copy postpaid. “Not sent on examination.”</p> - -<hr class="full" /> -<p class="center"> -<span class="u">New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago</span><br /> -</p> - -<div class="adtitle1">===NEW PLAYS===</div> - -<div class="center">By Elizabeth F. Guptill</div> - - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 178px;"> -<img src="images/i-012a.jpg" width="178" height="260" alt="The School at Mud Hollow cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="unindent"><b>The School at Mud Hollow.</b> A burlesque in two parts. 8 Males and 19 -Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent">PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by Miss Arabella -Pinkham, who has come to “Mud Hollow” to assume the responsible -duties of “Teacher” in the school. In selecting “Mud Hollow” she seeks a -change from the city life she is accustomed to, and finds plenty of it in the -manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. From start to finish there is -nothing but fun.</p> - -<p class="unindent">PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud -parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class by the -Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the pupils. Part -II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the finest fun possible. -“<i>The School at Mud Hollow</i>” may be given in one evening, but for those -who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or to give only one part, we -offer the same work announced below under the title of “<i>The New Teacher at Mud Hollow -School</i>” and “<i>The Last Day at Mud Hollow School</i>” either of which can be given as a -complete entertainment without regard to the other one.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School.</b> Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. -6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.</p> - -<p class="unindent"><b>The Last Day at Mud Hollow School.</b> Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. -8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.</p> - - -<div class="adtitle4">Santa’s Rescue</div> - -<div class="figright" style="width: 158px;"> -<img src="images/i-012b.jpg" width="158" height="223" alt="Santa's Rescue cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, one -being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the inscription -on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by placing -the papers together they have the message that the “Old Witch” of the -North has captured “Santa” and holds him in an ice prison at the North Pole. -Of course there could be no “Merry Christmas” without their “patron saint”, -so guided by the “Fairy Godmother” they start for the North Pole to rescue -him. The “Old Witch” endeavors to block the rescuers’ way by the assistance -of “Old Zero” and the “Snow Fairies” but when they learn that -the snow drifts they are piling up are to aid in keeping “Santa” from his -usual Christmas activities they get the “Sunbeam Fairies” to come to their -aid and melt the snow, while they bind with a frozen cord the “Old Witch,” -who is found indulging in a nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the “Old -Witch” powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter.</p> - -<p class="unindent">Tho’ belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the children are glad to become -his “aides” in spreading a “Merry Christmas” through all the world. This is a very clever plot, -well worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 Boys and 5 Girls with -any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.</p> - - -<div class="adtitle2">FARCES</div> - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 172px;"> -<img src="images/i-012c.jpg" width="172" height="256" alt="Answering the Phone Cover" /> -</div> - -<p class="unindent"><b>Taking the Census.</b> Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience -in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. -Almira Johnson, a “cullud lady,” and her young son Alexander. Three -characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>Answering the Phone.</b> Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most trying -experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in their -absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special reference -to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora makes a date -with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. -Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.</p> - - -<p class="unindent"><b>The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister.</b> They have a -delightful time telling family secrets to the “New Minister,” who has -called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their mother -to find out from her if she is “In,” for so often she is “Out” when she is “In” and “In” when she -is “Out.” 2 Males and 1 Female. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.</p> - -<p class="center"> -<b>NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT “ON EXAMINATION”</b><br /> -</p> - -<hr class="full" /> -<div class="tnote"><div class="center"> -<b>Transcriber’s Notes:</b></div> - -<p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired. Back cover advertisement had a Library of Congress -sticker obscuring part of the upper right text. It was filled in using another cover’s -text in the same series.</p> - -<p>Inside back cover, “particuarly” changed to “particularly” (be particularly interesting)</p> -</div> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Answering the Phone, by Elizabeth F. 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