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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl in His Mind, by Robert F. Young
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-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: The Girl in His Mind
-
-Author: Robert F. Young
-
-Illustrator: Jack Gaughan
- John Pederson
-
-Release Date: August 18, 2016 [EBook #52845]
-
-Language: English
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-Character set encoding: ASCII
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-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GIRL IN HIS MIND ***
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-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
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-</pre>
-
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-<h1>THE GIRL IN HIS MIND</h1>
-
-<p>By ROBERT F. YOUNG</p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Worlds of Tomorrow April 1963<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">Every man's mind is a universe with countless<br />
-places in which he can hide&mdash;even from himself!</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>The dance that the chocoletto girl was performing was an expurgated
-version of the kylee sex ritual which the Louave maidens of Dubhe 7
-practiced on the eve of their betrothal. Expurgated or not, however,
-it was still on the lascivious side. The G-string that constituted
-the chocoletto girl's entire costume put her but one degree above the
-nakedness which the original dance demanded. Nathan Blake's voice was
-slightly thick when he summoned the waiter who was hovering in the
-shadows at the back of the room. "Is she free?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"I do not know, mensakin. Perhaps."</p>
-
-<p>Blake resumed watching. The girl's movements were a delicate blend of
-love and lust. Her face accompanied her body, eyes half-lidded one
-moment to match the languid motion of her limbs, wide and feral the
-next to match the furious bump and grind of her hips. For a chocoletto
-she was light-skinned&mdash;more bronze, really, than brown. But then,
-the word "chocoletto", coined by the early beche-la-mer traders, was
-misleading, and few of the natives of Dubhe 4's southern-most continent
-lived up to it completely.</p>
-
-<p>She was beautiful too. Her high-cheekboned face was striking&mdash;the eyes
-dark-brown and wide-apart, the mouth sensuous, the teeth showing in a
-vivid white line between the half-parted purple lips. And her body was
-splendid. Blake had never seen anyone quite like her.</p>
-
-<p>He beckoned to her when the dance was over and, after slipping into
-a white thigh-length tunic, she joined him at his table. She ordered
-Martian wine in a liquid voice, and sipped it with a finesse that
-belied her cannibalistic forebears. "You wish a night?" she asked.</p>
-
-<p>Blake nodded. "If you are free."</p>
-
-<p>"Three thousand quandoes."</p>
-
-<p>He did not haggle, but counted out the amount and handed it to her. She
-slipped the bills into a thigh sheath-purse, told him her hut number
-and stood up to leave. "I will meet you there in an hour," she said.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Her hut was as good a place to wait for her as any. After buying a
-bottle of native whiskey at the bar, Blake went out into the Dubhe 4
-night and made his way through the labyrinthine alleys of the native
-sector. In common with all chocoletto huts, Eldoria's was uncared for
-on the outside, and gave a false impression of poverty. He expected to
-find the usual hanger-on waiting in the anteroom, and looked forward to
-booting him out into the alley. Instead he found a young girl&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>A human girl.</p>
-
-<p>He paused in the doorway. The girl was sitting cross-legged on a small
-mat, a book open on her lap. Xenophon's <i>Anabasis</i>. Her hair made him
-think of the copper-colored sunrises of Norma 9 and her eyes reminded
-him of the blue tarns of Fornax 6. "Come in," she said.</p>
-
-<p>After closing the door, he sat down opposite her on the guest mat.
-Behind her, a gaudy arras hid the hut's other room. "You are here to
-wait for Eldoria?" she asked.</p>
-
-<p>Blake nodded. "And you?"</p>
-
-<p>She laughed. "I am here because I live here," she said.</p>
-
-<p>He tried to assimilate the information, but could not. Perceiving his
-difficulty, the girl went on, "My parents indentured themselves to the
-Great Starway Cartel and were assigned to the rubber plantations of
-Dubhe 4. They died of yellow-water dysentery before their indenture ran
-out, and in accordance with Interstellar Law I was auctioned off along
-with the rest of their possessions. Eldoria bought me."</p>
-
-<p>Five years as a roving psycheye had hardened Blake to commercial
-colonization practices; nevertheless, he found the present example of
-man's inhumanity to man sickening.</p>
-
-<p>"How old are you?" Blake asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Fourteen."</p>
-
-<p>"And what are you going to be when you grow up?"</p>
-
-<p>"Probably I shall be a psychiatrist. Eldoria is sending me to the
-mission school now, and afterward she is going to put me through an
-institute of higher learning. And when I come of age, she is going to
-give me my freedom."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Blake said. He indicated the book on her lap. "Homework?"</p>
-
-<p>She shook her head. "In addition to my courses at the mission school, I
-am studying the humanities."</p>
-
-<p>"Xenophon," Blake said. "And I suppose Plato too."</p>
-
-<p>"And Homer and Virgil and Aeschylus and Euripides and all the rest of
-them. When I grow up I shall be a most well-educated person."</p>
-
-<p>"I'm sure you will be," Blake said, looking at the arras.</p>
-
-<p>"My name is Deirdre."</p>
-
-<p>"Nathan," Blake said. "Nathan Blake."</p>
-
-<p>"Eldoria will be arriving soon. I must go and prepare her dais."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>She got up, parted the arras, and slipped into the next room. Shame
-flamed in Blake's cheeks, and for a moment he considered leaving; then
-he remembered Eldoria's dance, and he went right on sitting where he
-was.</p>
-
-<p>Presently the girl returned, and not long afterward the cloying scent
-of native incense crept beneath the arras and permeated the anteroom.
-She sat sideways on the mat this time, and he caught her face in
-profile. There was a suggestion of saintliness in the line of the nose
-and chin, a suggestion made all the more poignant by the slender column
-of the neck. He shifted uncomfortably on the guest mat. She had taken
-up the <i>Anabasis</i> again, and silence was pounding silent fists upon the
-walls.</p>
-
-<p>He was relieved when Eldoria finally arrived. She ushered him into
-the next room immediately. It was slightly larger than the anteroom,
-and much more richly appointed. A thick carpet the color of Martian
-waterways lay upon the floor, contrasting pleasantly with the golden
-tapestries that adorned all four walls. The sleeping dais was oval
-and took up nearly half the floor space. It was strewn with scarlet
-cushions.</p>
-
-<p>Blake sat down upon it. Nervously he watched Eldoria slip out of her
-white street robe, his eyes moving back and forth from her smooth dark
-skin to the arras. The incense thickened around him.</p>
-
-<p>She noticed the back-and-forth movement of his eyes. "You need not fear
-the little one," she said, laying her hand upon his knee. "She will not
-enter."</p>
-
-<p>"It's not that so much," Blake said.</p>
-
-<p>"What?" The warm bronze shoulder was touching his....</p>
-
-<p>He rose up once in the night, thinking to find his hotel bed. His next
-awakening was in the grayness of dawn, and he got up and dressed and
-moved silently to the doorway. The girl slept just without the arras on
-a thin sleeping-mat, and he had to step over her to gain the anteroom.
-In sleep, a strand of her copper-colored hair had tumbled down across
-her forehead and lay like a lovely flower upon the virginal whiteness
-of her skin. There was something saintly about her quiet face.</p>
-
-<p>When he reached the alley he began to run, and he did not stop running
-till the chocoletto sector was far behind him.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The hill was a memory-image and Aldebaran 12 rain-country hills were
-notoriously steep. Blake was breathing hard when he reached the crest.</p>
-
-<p>Before him lay a memory-image of a section of Deneb 1 wasteland. The
-image extended for no more than half a mile, but Blake was annoyed
-that he should have remembered even that much of the wretched terrain.
-Ideally, a man's mind-country should have been comprised only of the
-places and times he wanted to remember. Practically, however, that was
-far from being the case.</p>
-
-<p>He glanced back down into the rain-pocked valley that he had just
-crossed. The rain and the mist made for poor visibility. He could only
-faintly distinguish the three figures of his pursuers. The trio seemed
-a little closer now.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="341" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>Ever since he had first set foot into his mind, some ten hours ago,
-they had been on his trail, but for some reason he had been unable
-to bring himself to go back and find out who they were and what they
-wanted. Hence he was as vexed with himself as he was with them.</p>
-
-<p>After resting for a few minutes, he descended the hill and started
-across the Deneb 1 wasteland. It was a remarkably detailed
-materialization, and his quarry's footprints stood out clearly in the
-duplicated sand.</p>
-
-<p>Sabrina York did not even know the rudiments of the art of throwing
-off a mind-tracker. It would have done her but little good if she
-had, for twelve years as a psycheye had taught Blake all the tricks.
-Probably she had taken it for granted that the mere act of hiding out
-in her tracker's mind was in itself a sufficient guarantee of her
-safety. After all, she had no way of knowing that he had discovered her
-presence.</p>
-
-<p>Mind-country was as temporally inconsecutive as it was topographically
-incongruous, so Blake was not surprised when the Deneb 1 wasteland gave
-way to an expanse of boyhood meadow. Near the meadow was the house
-where Blake had lived at a much later date. In reality, the places were
-as far apart in miles as they were in years, but here in the country
-of his mind they existed side by side, surrounded by heterogeneous
-landscapes from all over the civilized sector of the galaxy and by the
-sharply demarcated spectra of a hundred different suns. A few of the
-suns were in the patchwork sky&mdash;Sirius, for example, and its twinkling
-dwarf companion. Most of them, however, were present only in their
-remembered radiance. To add to the confusion, scattered night memories
-interrupted the hodge-podge horizon with columns of darkness, and here
-and there the gray column of a dawn or dusk memory showed.</p>
-
-<p>The house was flanked on one side by a section of a New Earth spaceport
-and on the other by an excerpt of an Ex-earth city-block. Behind it
-flowed a brief blue stretch of Martian waterway.</p>
-
-<p>Sabrina's footsteps led up to the front door, and the door itself was
-ajar. Perhaps she was still inside. Perhaps she was watching him even
-now through one of the remembered windows. He scanned them with a
-professional eye, but saw no sign of her.</p>
-
-<p>Warily he stepped inside, adjusting the temperature of his all-weather
-jacket to the remembered air-conditioning. His father was sitting in
-the living room, smoking, and watching 3V. He had no awareness of
-Blake. At Blake's entry he went right on smoking and watching as though
-the door had neither opened nor closed. He would go right on smoking
-and watching till Blake died and the conglomeration of place-times
-that constituted Blake's mind-world ceased to be. Ironically, he was
-watching nothing. The 3V program that had been in progress at the time
-of the unconscious materialization had failed to come through.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The memory was a treasured one&mdash;the old man had perished in a 'copter
-crash several years ago&mdash;and for a long while Blake did not move.
-He had never been in his own mind before. Consequently he was more
-affected than he might otherwise have been. Finally, stirring himself,
-he walked out into the kitchen. On a shelf above the sink stood a gaily
-colored box of his mother's favorite detergent with a full-length
-drawing of Vera Velvetskin, the company's blond and chic visual symbol,
-on the front. His mother was standing before the huge automatic range,
-preparing a meal she had served twenty-three years ago. He regarded her
-with moist eyes. She had died a dozen years before his father, but the
-wound that her death had caused had never healed. He wanted to go up
-behind her and touch her shoulder and say, "What's for supper, mom?"
-but he knew it would do no good. For her he had no reality, not only
-because he was far in her future, but because in his mind-world she was
-a mortal and he, a god&mdash;a picayune god, perhaps, but a real one.</p>
-
-<p>As he was about to turn away, the name-plate on the range caught his
-eye, and thinking that he had read the two words wrong, he stepped
-closer so that he could see them more clearly. No, he had made no
-mistake: the first word was "Sabrina", and the second was "York".</p>
-
-<p>He stepped back. Odd that a kitchen range should have the same name as
-his quarry. But perhaps not unduly so. Giving appliances human names
-had been common practice for centuries. Even a name like "Sabrina
-York", while certainly not run-of-the-mill, was bound to be duplicated
-in real life. Nevertheless a feeling of uneasiness accompanied him when
-he left the kitchen and climbed the stairs to the second floor.</p>
-
-<p>He went through each room systematically, but saw no sign of Sabrina
-York. He lingered for some time in his own room, wistfully watching his
-fifteen-year-old self lolling on the bed with a dog-eared copy of <i>The
-Galaxy Boys and the Secret of the Crab Nebula</i>, then he stepped back
-out into the hall and started to descend the stairs.</p>
-
-<p>At the head of the stairs a narrow window looked out over the front
-yard and thence out over the meadow. He glanced absently through the
-panes, and came to an abrupt halt. His three pursuers were wading
-through the long meadow grass less than a quarter of a mile away&mdash;not
-close enough as yet for him to be able to make out their faces, but
-close enough for him to be able to see that two of them were wearing
-dresses and that the third had on a blue skirt and blouse, and a kepi
-to match. He gasped. It simply hadn't occurred to him that his pursuers
-might be women. To his consternation he discovered that he was even
-more loath to go back and accost them than he had been before. He
-actually had an impulse to flee.</p>
-
-<p>He controlled it and descended the stairs with exaggerated slowness,
-leaving the house by way of the back door. He picked up Sabrina's trail
-in the back yard and followed it down to the Martian waterway and
-thence along the bank to where the waterway ended and a campus began.
-Not the campus of the university which he had visited two days ago to
-attend his protegee's graduation. It was not a place-time that he cared
-to revisit, nor a moment that he cared to relive, but Sabrina's trail
-led straight across the artificially stunted grass toward the little
-bench where he and Deirdre Eldoria had come to talk after the ceremony
-was over. He had no choice.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The bench stood beneath a towering American elm whose feathery branches
-traced green arabesques against the blue June sky. A set of footprints
-slightly deeper than its predecessors indicated that Sabrina had
-paused by the trunk. Despite himself Blake paused there too. Pain
-tightened his throat when he looked at Deirdre's delicate profile
-and copper-colored hair, intensified when he lowered his eyes to the
-remembered blueness of her graduation dress. The diamond brooch that he
-had given her as a graduation present, and which she had proudly pinned
-upon her bodice for the whole wide world to see, made him want to
-cry. His self-image of two weeks ago shocked him. There were lines on
-the face that did not as yet exist, and the brown hair was shot with
-streaks of gray that had yet to come into being. Lord, he must have
-been feeling old to have pictured himself like that!</p>
-
-<p>Deirdre was speaking. "Yes," she was saying, "at nine o'clock. And I
-should very much like for you to come."</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past shook his head. "Proms aren't for parents. You know that
-as well as I do. That young man you were talking with a few minutes
-ago&mdash;he's the one who should take you. He'd give his right arm for the
-chance."</p>
-
-<p>"I'll thank you not to imply that you're my father. One would think
-from the way you talk that you are centuries old!"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm thirty-eight," Blake Past said, "and while I may not be your
-father, I'm certainly old enough to be. That young man&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>A pink flush of anger climbed into Deirdre Eldoria's girlish cheeks.
-"What right has <i>he</i> got to take me! Did <i>he</i> scrimp and go without
-in order to put me through high school and college? Has <i>he</i> booked
-passage for me to New Earth and paid my tuition to Trevor University?"</p>
-
-<p>"Please," Blake Past said, desperation deepening his voice. "You're
-only making everything worse. After majoring in Trevorism, you
-certainly ought to realize by now that there was nothing noble about my
-buying you after Eldoria died. I only did it to ease my conscience&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"What do <i>you</i> know about conscience?" Deirdre demanded. "Conscience
-is a much more complex mechanism than most laymen realize. Guilt
-feelings aren't reliable criteria. They can stem from false
-causes&mdash;from ridiculous things like a person's inability to accept
-himself for what he is." Abruptly she dropped the subject. "Don't you
-realize, Nate," she went on a little desperately, "that I'm leaving
-tomorrow and that we won't see each other again for years and years?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'll come to New Earth to visit you," Blake said. "Venus is only a few
-days distant on the new ships."</p>
-
-<p>She stood up. "You won't come&mdash;I know you won't." She stamped her foot.
-"And you won't come to the prom either. I know that too. I knew it all
-along. Sometimes I'm tempted to&mdash;" Abruptly she broke off. "Very well
-then," she went on, "I'll say good-by now then."</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past stood up too. "No, not yet. I'll walk back to the sorority
-house with you."</p>
-
-<p>She tossed her head, but the sadness in her tarn-blue eyes belied her
-hauteur. "If you wish," she said.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Blake Present watched them set out side by side toward the remembered
-halls of learning that showed in the distance. There had been other
-people present on the campus that afternoon, but as they had failed to
-register on Blake Past's mind, they did not exist for Blake Present.
-All that existed for Blake Present were the diminishing figures of the
-girl and the man, and the pain that was constricting his throat.</p>
-
-<p>Wretchedly he turned away. As he did so he saw the three shadows lying
-at his feet and knew that his pursuers had at last caught up to him.</p>
-
-<p>His first reaction when he faced them was amazement. His next reaction
-was shock. His third was fear.</p>
-
-<p>His amazement resulted from recognition. One of the three women arrayed
-before him was Miss Stoddart, his boyhood Sunday-school teacher.
-Standing next to her in a familiar blue uniform was Officer Finch,
-the police woman who had maintained law and order in the collective
-elementary school he had attended. Standing next to Officer Finch was
-blond and chic Vera Velvetskin, whose picture he had seen on box after
-countless box of his mother's favorite detergent.</p>
-
-<p>His shock resulted from the expressions on the three faces. Neither
-Miss Stoddart nor Officer Finch ever particularly liked him, but they
-had never particularly disliked him either. This Miss Stoddart and this
-Officer Finch disliked him, though. They hated him. They hated him so
-much that their hatred had thinned out their faces and darkened their
-eyes. More shocking yet, Vera Velvetskin, who had never existed save
-in some copywriter's mind, hated him too. In fact, judging from the
-greater thinness of her face and the more pronounced darkness of her
-eyes, she hated him even more than Miss Stoddart and Officer Finch did.</p>
-
-<p>His fear resulted from the realization that his mind-world contained
-phenomena it had no right to contain&mdash;not if he was nearly as
-well-adjusted as he considered himself to be. The three women standing
-before him definitely were not memory-images. They were too vivid, for
-one thing. For another, they were aware of him. What were they, then?
-And what were they doing in his mind?</p>
-
-<p>He asked the two questions aloud.</p>
-
-<p>Three arms were raised and three forefingers were pointed accusingly at
-his chest. Three pairs of eyes burned darkly. "You ask us that?" Miss
-Stoddart said. "Callous creature who did a maiden's innocence affront!"
-said Officer Finch. "And sought sanctuary in ill-fitting robes of
-righteousness!" said Vera Velvetskin. The three faces moved together,
-blurred and seemed to blend into one. The three voices were raised in
-unison: "You know who we are, Nathan Blake. <i>You</i> know who we are!"</p>
-
-<p>Blake stared at them open-mouthed. Then he turned and fled.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It had taken man a long time to discover that he was a god in his
-own right and that he too was capable of creating universes. Trivial
-universes, to be sure, when compared with the grandeur and scope of the
-objective one, and peopled with ghosts instead of human beings; but
-universes nonetheless.</p>
-
-<p>The discovery came about quite by accident. After projecting himself
-into a patient's memory one day, a psychologist named Trevor suddenly
-found himself clinging to the slope of a traumatically distorted
-mountain. His patient was beside him.</p>
-
-<p>The mountain proved to be an unconscious memory-image out of the
-patient's boyhood, and its country proved to be the country of the
-patient's mind. After many trials and errors, Trevor managed to get
-both himself and his patient back to the objective world, and not long
-afterward he was able to duplicate the feat on another case.</p>
-
-<p>The next logical step was to enter his own mind, and this he also
-succeeded in doing.</p>
-
-<p>It was inevitable that Trevor should write a book about his discovery
-and set about founding a new school of psychology. It was equally
-inevitable that he should acquire enemies as well as disciples.
-However, as the years passed and the new therapy which he devised cured
-more and more psychoses, the ranks of his disciples swelled and those
-of his enemies shrank. When, shortly before his death, he published a
-paper explaining how anyone could enter his or her own mind-world at
-will, his niche in the Freudian hall of fame was assured.</p>
-
-<p>The method employed an ability that had been evolving in the human mind
-for millennia&mdash;the ability to project oneself into a past moment&mdash;or,
-to use Trevor's term, a past "place-time." Considerable practice was
-required before the first transition could be achieved, but once it
-was achieved, successive transitions became progressively easier.
-Entering another person's mind-world was of course a more difficult
-undertaking, and could be achieved only after an intensive study of
-a certain moment in that person's past. In order to return to the
-objective world, it was necessary in both cases to locate the most
-recently materialized place-time and take one step beyond it.</p>
-
-<p>By their very nature, mind-countries were confusing. They existed on
-a plane of reality that bore no apparent relationship to the plane
-of the so-called objective universe. In fact, so far as was known,
-this secondary&mdash;or subjective&mdash;reality was connected to so-called
-true reality only through the awareness of the various creators. In
-addition, these countries had no outward shape in the ordinary sense of
-the word, and while most countries contained certain parallel images,
-these images were subject to the interpretation of the individual
-creator. As a result they were seldom identical.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It was inevitable that sooner or later some criminal would hit upon
-the idea of hiding out in his own mind-world till the statute of
-limitations that applied to his particular crime ran out, and it was
-equally inevitable that others should follow suit. Society's answer was
-the psyche-police, and the psyche-police hadn't been in action very
-long before the first private psycheye appeared.</p>
-
-<p>Blake was one of a long line of such operators.</p>
-
-<p>So far as he knew, the present case represented the first time a
-criminal had ever hidden out in the pursuer's mind. It would have been
-a superb stratagem indeed if, shortly after her entry, Sabrina York
-had not betrayed her presence. For her point of entry she had used
-the place-time materialization of the little office Blake had opened
-on Ex-earth at the beginning of his career. Unaccountably she had
-ransacked it before moving into a co-terminous memory-image.</p>
-
-<p>Even this action wouldn't have given her away, however, if the office
-hadn't constituted a sentimental memory. Whenever Blake accepted a case
-he invariably thought of the bleak and lonely little room with its
-thin-gauge steel desk and battered filing cabinets, and when he had
-done so after accepting his case&mdash;or was it before? He couldn't quite
-remember&mdash;the mental picture that had come into his mind had revealed
-open drawers, scattered papers and a general air of disarray.</p>
-
-<p>He had suspected the truth immediately, and when he had seen the
-woman's handkerchief with the initials "SB" embroidered on it lying
-by one of the filing cabinets he had known definitely that his quarry
-was hiding out in his mind. Retiring to his bachelor quarters, he had
-entered at the same place-time and set off in pursuit.</p>
-
-<p>Her only advantage lost, Sabrina York was now at his mercy. Unless
-she discovered his presence and was able to locate his most recently
-materialized place-time before he over-took her, her capture was
-assured.</p>
-
-<p>Only two things bothered Blake. The little office was far in his past,
-and it was unlikely that anyone save the few intimate acquaintances
-whom he had told about it were aware that it had ever existed. How,
-then, had a total stranger such as Sabrina York learned enough about it
-to enable her to use it as a point of entry?</p>
-
-<p>The other thing that bothered him was of a much more urgent nature.
-He had been in enough minds and he had read enough on the subject
-of Trevorism to know that people were sometimes capable of creating
-beings considerably higher on the scale of mind-country evolution
-than ordinary memory-ghosts. One woman whom he had apprehended in her
-own mind had created a walking-talking Virgin Mary who watched over
-her wherever she went. And once, after tracking down an ex-enlisted
-man, he had found his quarry holed up in the memory-image of an army
-barracks with a ten-star general waiting on him hand and foot. But
-these, and other, similar, cases, had to do with mal-adjusted people,
-and moreover, the super-image in each instance had been an image that
-the person involved had <i>wanted</i> to create. Therefore, even assuming
-that Blake was less well-adjusted than he considered himself to be, why
-had he created three such malevolent super-images as Miss Stoddart,
-Officer Finch, and Vera Velvetskin?</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>They followed him off the campus into a vicarious memory-image of
-Walden Pond, Thoreau's shack, and the encompassing woods. Judging from
-the ecstatic "oh's" and "ah's" they kept giving voice to, the place
-delighted them. Once, glancing back over his shoulder, he saw them
-standing in front of Thoreau's shack, looking at it as though it were a
-doll's house. Not far away, Thoreau was sitting in under a tall pine,
-gazing up into the branches at a bird that had come through only as a
-vague blur of beak and feathers.</p>
-
-<p>Blake went on. Presently the Walden Pond memory-image gave way to a
-memory-image of an English park which the ex-Earth government had set
-aside as a memorial to the English poets and which had impressed Blake
-sufficiently when he had visited it in his youth to have found a place
-for itself in the country of his mind. It consisted of reconstructions
-of famous dwellings out of the lives of the poets, among them, a
-dwelling out of the life of a poet who was not in the strictest sense
-of the word English at all&mdash;the birthplace of Robert Burns. Oddly
-enough, it was Burns's birthplace that had impressed Blake most. Now
-the little cottage stood out in much more vivid detail than any of the
-other famous dwellings.</p>
-
-<p>Sabrina York must have been attracted to the place, for her footprints
-showed that she had turned in at the gate, walked up the little path
-and let herself in the door.</p>
-
-<p>They also showed that she had left by the same route, so there was no
-reason for Blake to linger. As a matter of fact, the fascination that
-had brought the place into being had been replaced by an illogical
-repugnance. But repugnance can sometimes be as compelling a force as
-fascination, and Blake not only lingered but went inside as well.</p>
-
-<p>He remembered the living room distinctly&mdash;the flagstone floor, the huge
-grill-fronted hearth, the deeply recessed window, the rack of cups and
-platters on the wall; the empty straight-backed chair standing sternly
-in a corner, the bare wooden table&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>He paused just within the doorway. The chair was no longer empty, the
-table no longer bare.</p>
-
-<p>A man sat on the former and a bottle of wine stood on the latter.
-Moreover, the room showed signs of having been lived in for a long
-time. The floor was covered with tracked-in dirt and the walls were
-blackened from smoke. The grill-work of the hearth was begrimed with
-grease.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Whatever else he might be the man sitting at the table was not an
-image out of the past. He was too vividly real. He was around Blake's
-age, and about Blake's height and build. However, he was given to
-fat. His paunch contrasted jarringly with Blake's trim waist. His
-vaguely familiar face was swollen&mdash;probably from the wine he had
-drunk&mdash;and his too-full cheeks were well on the way to becoming jowls.
-His bloodshot eyes were underscored with shadows, and his clothing
-consisted of odds and ends out of Blake's past: a tattered, too-tight
-pullover with the letter "L" on the front, a pair of ragged red-plaid
-hunting breeches and a pair of cracked riding-boots.</p>
-
-<p>Blake advanced across the room and picked up the bottle. One sniff told
-him that it came from a memory-image of a Martian wine-cellar. He set
-the bottle back down. "Who are you?" he demanded.</p>
-
-<p>The man looked up at him sardonically. "Call me Smith," he said. "If I
-told you who I really am, you wouldn't believe me."</p>
-
-<p>"What are you doing in my mind?"</p>
-
-<p>"You should know the answer to that one. You put me here."</p>
-
-<p>Blake stared "Why, I've never even seen you before!"</p>
-
-<p>"Granted," Smith said. "But you used to know me. As a matter of fact,
-you and I used to get along together famously." He reached around and
-got a cup off the wall-rack. "Pull up a chair and have a drink. I've
-been expecting you."</p>
-
-<p>Bewildered, Blake sat but shoved the cup aside. "I don't drink," he
-said.</p>
-
-<p>"That's right," Smith said. "Stupid of me to forget." He took a swig
-out of the bottle, set it back down. "Let's see, it's been seven years
-now. Right?"</p>
-
-<p>"How the devil did you know?"</p>
-
-<p>Smith sighed. "Who should know better than I? Who indeed? But I guess
-I can't kick too much. You certainly materialized enough of the stuff
-in your&mdash;shall we say 'wilder'?&mdash;days." He shook his head. "No, I can't
-say I've suffered in that respect."</p>
-
-<p>Comprehension came to Blake then. He had heard of the parasites who
-lived in other person's minds, but this was the first time he had ever
-happened to run across one. "Why, you're nothing but a mind-comber," he
-said. "I should have guessed!"</p>
-
-<p>Smith looked hurt. "You do me a grave injustice, friend. A very grave
-injustice. And after my being so considerate of this cottage and using
-the back door and everything! The young lady who stopped by a little
-while ago was much more understanding than you are."</p>
-
-<p>"You talked with her then?" Blake asked. He suppressed a shudder. For
-some reason it horrified him that his quarry should be aware that so
-despicable a creature inhabited his mind. "What&mdash;what does she look
-like?"</p>
-
-<p>"<i>You</i> know what she looks like."</p>
-
-<p>"But I don't. I took the case on such short notice that I didn't have a
-chance to get a picture or even a description of her."</p>
-
-<p>Smith regarded him shrewdly. "What did she do?"</p>
-
-<p>"She murdered her father," Blake said.</p>
-
-<p>Smith guffawed. "I should have known it would be something like that.
-Ties in perfectly. By the way, what's her name?"</p>
-
-<p>"Sabrina York&mdash;not that it's any of your business."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, but it is my business&mdash;as much my business as yours. As a matter
-of fact, I'm going to help you find her."</p>
-
-<p>Blake stood up. "No, you're not," he said. "You're going to get out of
-my mind and you're going to stay out&mdash;"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="600" height="431" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>He paused as a knock sounded on the door. Smith answered it, and a
-moment later Miss Stoddart, Officer Finch and Vera Velvetskin filed
-into the room and arrayed themselves before Blake. Again three arms
-were raised; again three forefingers were pointed accusingly at his
-chest. "Wretched creature!" said Miss Stoddart. "Consorting with so
-foul a fiend!" said Officer Finch. "And in so vile a den of iniquity!"
-said Vera Velvetskin.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="600" height="460" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>For a while Smith just stood there staring at the three visitors. Then
-he turned toward Blake. "Well, I'll be damned!" he said. "You really
-do have an overactive conscience, don't you!" He faced the three women
-again. "Get off his back, you creeps! Can't you see he's got enough
-troubles without you dogging his footsteps?" He opened the door. "Out,
-all of you, before I throw you out!"</p>
-
-<p>Three frightened looks settled on the three thin faces, but neither
-Miss Stoddart nor Officer Finch nor Vera Velvetskin made a move in
-the direction of the door till Smith advanced upon them with lowering
-countenance. Then they fairly scampered from the room. Officer Finch
-was the last in line, and Smith helped her along with the toe of one
-of Blake's cracked boots. The shriek she emitted coincided with the
-slamming of the door.</p>
-
-<p>Smith leaned weakly against the door and began to laugh. "Shut up,"
-Blake said, "and tell me who they are!"</p>
-
-<p>Tears were rolling down Smith's blotchy cheeks. "<i>You</i> know who they
-are. You created them, didn't you? The skinny one is the one who told
-you about Moses in the bulrushes and the husky one is the one who saw
-to it that you didn't step out of line in school and the one with the
-nice shape is the one you associate with the immaculateness of your
-mother's kitchen sink. Spiritual virtue, civil virtue&mdash;and physical
-virtue!"</p>
-
-<p>"But why did I create them?" Blake demanded. "And why are they
-following me around like a bunch of vindictive harpies?"</p>
-
-<p>"There!" Smith said. "You almost had it. Not harpies, though&mdash;Furies.
-Erinyes. Tisiphone, Megaera, Alecto. You created them because you
-wanted to punish yourself. You created them because you can't accept
-yourself for what you are. You created them because even after putting
-me in exile you're still conscience-crazy, and they're following you
-around and bugging you because you want them to follow you around and
-bug you&mdash;because you want to be reminded of what a heel you think you
-are! You always were a Puritan in wolfs clothing, Blake."</p>
-
-<p>The remark angered Blake to the extent that it dispelled his amazement.
-He shoved Smith away from the door and opened it. "All that may be,"
-he said, "and maybe I did know you once upon a time. But don't let me
-find you here when I get back. Understand?" He paused in the doorway,
-frowning. "Tell me one more thing, though. Why Burns's birthplace? Why
-should a memory-image like this appeal to a mind-comber?"</p>
-
-<p>Smith grinned. "Bobby Burns has always fascinated me&mdash;just as he has
-you. Or should I say 'us'?" The grin turned into a leer, and he picked
-up the bottle and waved it back and forth like a baton&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse">My love, she's but a lassie yet,</div>
- <div class="verse">My love, she's but a lassie yet;</div>
- <div class="verse">We'll let her stand a year or twa,</div>
- <div class="verse">She'll no be half sae saucy yet;</div>
- <div class="verse">I rue the day I sought her O!</div>
- <div class="verse">I rue the day I sought her O!</div>
- <div class="verse">Wha gets her needs na say he's woo'd,</div>
- <div class="verse">But he may say he has bought her O.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p>Furious, Blake strode down the path. Smith's taunting laughter sounding
-in his wake.</p>
-
-<p>The three Erinyes were waiting for him at the gate, and fell in behind
-him when he turned down the lane. He lost Sabrina's trail in front of
-the farmhouse where Coleridge wrote <i>Kubla Khan</i>, picked it up again
-opposite the Mitre Tavern. Presently it veered right, passed between
-Milton's birthplace and Stratford-on-Avon, and entered a night-image.
-He was halfway down a dim-lit street, the Erinyes just behind him,
-before he realized where he was.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Disciplined trees stood at attention along two suburban strips of
-lawn. Beyond them, half-remembered houses showed. One of them stood
-out vividly&mdash;a round, modernesque affair surrounded by a quarter-acre
-of grass and shrubs and flowers. It was the house he had rented while
-Deirdre Eldoria was attending high school. It was a house he had hoped
-never to see again.</p>
-
-<p>He was seeing it now, though, and he was going to see it at much closer
-quarters, for Sabrina's footprints led straight across the remembered
-lawn to the very doorstep. She had not gone in, however, he discovered
-presently; instead, she had forsaken the door for a concave picture
-window through which bright light streamed out onto the grass. The
-depth of a pair of her footprints showed that she had stood there for a
-long time, peeking into his past. Despite himself, Blake peeked too. So
-did the three Erinyes.</p>
-
-<p>The room was a far cry from the one he had just left. The hearth
-was built of meticulously mortared red bricks. The thick rug was a
-two-dimensional garden of multicolored flowers. There were exquisite
-tables and flower-petal stools. There were deep chairs that begged to
-be sat in. A sybaritic sofa occupied an entire wall.</p>
-
-<p>On the sofa sat a man and a girl. The man was himself at the age of
-thirty-four. The girl was Deirdre Eldoria at the age of seventeen.</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past was helping her with her lessons. The moment was a composite
-of a hundred similar scenes. Now she raised her eyes from the book
-on her lap, and Blake Past caught her girlish profile ... and Blake
-Present, standing in the soft and scented darkness of the remembered
-spring night with the three Erinyes breathing down the back of his
-neck, caught it too, and both Blakes knew pain. Now she returned
-her attention to the book, and Blake Past leaned forward in order
-to read the passage that she was in doubt about. And as he did so,
-her copper-colored hair touched his cheek and the warm tingle of the
-contact traveled down through the years to Blake Present.</p>
-
-<p>Overcome by the poignancy of the moment, he stepped back from the
-window, colliding with the three Erinyes as he did so. They moved a
-little distance away, arrayed themselves, and started to raise their
-right arms. "Oh, can it!" Blake said disgustedly. In the darkness
-behind him, someone laughed. "<i>My love, she's but a lassie yet</i>," Smith
-sang in a cracked baritone. "<i>We'll let her stand a year or twa,
-she'll no be half sae saucy yet!</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Blake whirled, and flashed his light into the shadows. The light picked
-up Smith's retreating figure. "Get out of my mind!" Blake shouted. "Do
-you hear me? Get out of my mind!"</p>
-
-<p>Laughter danced in the darkness, silence ensued. Turning back toward
-the window, Blake saw that Blake Past and Deirdre Yesterday were
-leaving the living room. He watched them come out the front door, walk
-around the corner of the house and start down a starlit garden path.</p>
-
-<p>Forsaking Sabrina's trail, he followed them along the path, the Erinyes
-at his heels, and watched them sit down on a little white bench beside
-a rose-riotous trellis. As he watched, Blake Past broke one of the
-roses free and pinned it in Deirdre's cupreous hair.</p>
-
-<p>Blake Present plunged away from the moment and picked up Sabrina's
-trail again. <i>Why did I sit there beside her?</i> he demanded silently
-of the remembered stars. <i>Sit there beside her like her lover when
-the roses were in bloom? Father-protector&mdash;father-fool! I slept with
-her mistress, and I would have been her Naoise! Within earshot of her
-conched ear I lay with her black whore-mother, and when the satyr in me
-was replete I stepped over her thin child's body and ran away!</i></p>
-
-<p>Behind him in the night, the Erinyes hissed and murmured to each other
-gloatingly.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Sabrina's trail had been erratic before. Now it became even more so.
-It approached this boundary and that, only to veer off in another
-direction. Sometimes it doubled back upon itself, and each time
-Blake was able to cut down on her lead. He should have been elated.
-Strangely, however, he was not. Instead, a feeling of uneasiness
-afflicted him, increasing as the distance between them shrank.</p>
-
-<p>At length, after detouring around an impassable memory-image of deep
-space, the trail extended into what at first appeared to be a vast
-woodland park. It was not a park, though. It was a Dubhe 4 rubber
-plantation. Blake groaned. Did he have to relive this sequence too?</p>
-
-<p>Apparently he did. Sabrina's footprints were deep and undeniable in
-the soft earth. They pointed unerringly in the remembered direction.
-Had she discovered that he was following her? Was she deliberately
-torturing him by making him back-track along a mental trail that he
-wanted desperately to avoid? It would certainly seem so.</p>
-
-<p>He forced himself to move forward among the gray ghosts of trees. He
-crossed a shallow, scum-covered stream, leaping from rock to rock, and
-afterward climbed a hill. Hearing a loud splash behind him, he turned
-and looked back.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Stoddart, in trying to cross the stream, had lost her balance
-and fallen in, and Officer Finch and Vera Velvetskin were trying to
-help her to her feet. As he watched, they too lost their balance and
-joined their companion in the greenish water. There followed a period
-of hysterical floundering, after which the trio waded dripping and
-bedraggled to the bank.</p>
-
-<p>Blake would have laughed, had not the place-time oppressed him.
-Descending the opposite slope of the hill, he entered a wide valley.
-Presently he glimpsed the buildings of the Great Starway Cartel
-processing plant through the trees.</p>
-
-<p>The overseer's bungalow was visible just to the left, and it was toward
-this latter structure that Sabrina's footprints pointed. The original
-clearing had swarmed with chocolettos. Blake's, however, did not. In
-his single-mindedness of six years ago he had had eyes for only two
-people&mdash;the overseer and Deirdre.</p>
-
-<p>Stepping into the clearing, he saw the man now&mdash;the bearded bestial
-face, the long arms, the large and hairy hands&mdash;and he saw the
-fifteen-year old girl lying on the ground where the man had thrown her
-after she had slapped his face. After a moment he saw himself of six
-years ago step out of the grove of rubber trees and advance white-faced
-into the scene.</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the girl lying on the ground cried. "He'll kill you!"</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past ignored her. The overseer had drawn a knife. Now the knife
-flashed, and a streak of crimson appeared on Blake Past's arm. The
-knife flashed again, but this time it described a large arc and landed
-a dozen feet away. Now the overseer's throat was between Blake Past's
-hands, and the bearded face was changing colors. It grew green first,
-then blue. Blake Past shook the man several times before letting him
-slip to the ground. He dropped a handful of <i>quandoe</i>-notes on the
-heaving chest.</p>
-
-<p>"That's what you paid for her," he said. He withdrew a paper from his
-breast pocket, unfolded it and held it before the gasping overseer's
-eyes. "Sign it," he said, handing it to him.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The overseer did so, lying on his side. Blake Past pocketed the paper
-and helped the girl to her feet. The tarn-blue eyes were wide in the
-thin child's face. "Eldoria died," she blurted. "They&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past nodded. "I know. But they can't sell you any more. I own you
-now."</p>
-
-<p>"I am glad," the girl said. "I knew from the first moment I saw you
-that you were noble. I shall like being your slave, and I will serve
-you very faithfully."</p>
-
-<p>Blake Past looked away. Blake Present lowered his eyes. "Can you walk?"
-Blake Past asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, yes. I am very strong."</p>
-
-<p>She took a step forward, swayed and would have fallen, had not Blake
-Past caught her. "I&mdash;I guess I am not quite as strong as I thought,"
-she said. "But I shall recuperate swiftly. Why did you come back,
-<i>mensakin</i> Blake?"</p>
-
-<p>"I came back to buy you from Eldoria," Blake Past said. He did not add
-that the memory of her saintly face as he had seen it when he stepped
-over her had lasted a whole year, or that his dreams of her had made a
-mockery of his sleep. "When I found out that Eldoria had died and that
-you had been sold again, I came directly here."</p>
-
-<p>"You will not be sorry. I will make you an excellent slave."</p>
-
-<p>"I didn't buy you for that reason. I bought you to give you your&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"There is one request I would like to make, however," the girl
-interrupted. "I would like to take 'Eldoria' as my surname. She was
-very kind to me, and I would like to repay her in some way."</p>
-
-<p>"Very well," Blake Past said. "'Deirdre Eldoria' it will be, then."</p>
-
-<p>He picked her up and carried her into the grove. Blake Present watched
-them till they disappeared among the trees. He knew where Blake Past
-was taking her&mdash;had taken her. Back to the settlement, and from there
-to the spaceport, and thence to Ex-earth. Ex-earth and high school,
-then college&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>She had never been his slave, though. He had been hers.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Sabrina's trail circled back into the grove and left the place-time by
-a different route. Immediately it became erratic again. It was evident
-to Blake that she was searching for a particular memory-image and that
-she was having trouble finding it. Perhaps she knew of some moment in
-his past where she would be safe even from him.</p>
-
-<p>When he stepped into the little Dubhe 4 settlement he instinctively
-assumed that it was on the same chronological plane as the plantation
-place-time. However, the darkness that instantly enclosed him and the
-stars that sprang to life in the sky apprised him that such could not
-possibly be the case. This was the Dubhe 4 settlement of seven years
-ago. This was the night he had sat in the chocoletto cafe and watched
-Eldoria dance&mdash;the night he had kept a tryst with her in her hut; the
-night he had first seen Deirdre.</p>
-
-<p>But why had Sabrina come here? Where in this wretched little
-memory-image did she expect to find sanctuary?</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly he knew. Eldoria's hut. He would rather die than enter it
-again, and somehow Sabrina must have discovered his attitude. Probably
-even now she was within those four remembered walls, laughing at him.</p>
-
-<p>Anger kindled in him. The effrontery of her! Daring to pre-empt a
-moment that belonged solely to him! He would enter the hut if it killed
-him. If he had to, he would tear down its walls and banish its memory
-forever from the country of his mind.</p>
-
-<p>With the aid of his pocket torch, he found her footprints in the dust.
-He followed them down the street, the three Erinyes tagging doggedly
-along behind him. The trail, erratic no longer, led straight to the
-labyrinthine alleys of the native sector and thence along the shortest
-route to Eldoria's hut. For a person who had never been to Dubhe 4,
-Sabrina York certainly knew her way around.</p>
-
-<p>Maybe, though, she had been to Dubhe 4. He knew very little about her.
-He knew nothing at all, in fact, save that she had murdered her father.
-He did not even know how she had murdered him, or why. Abruptly Blake
-shoved the matter from his mind. It wasn't his business to know how or
-why she had done the deed. It was his business to find and apprehend
-her.</p>
-
-<p>Presently, in the darkness before him, he made out a motionless
-white-robed figure. He approached it warily, found to his consternation
-that it was frozen in the act of taking a step forward. He shone his
-light into the face. It was dark bronze in hue. The eyes were wide
-apart, and the teeth showed in a vivid white line between half-parted
-purple lips. Eldoria, on her way to keep her tryst with him....</p>
-
-<p>But why didn't she move on? Suddenly Blake knew. In treating a patient,
-Trevorite psychologists sometimes froze certain place-times in his past
-in order to study them in greater detail. The girl in Blake's mind had
-either frozen the Dubhe 4 place-time herself, then, or had hired a
-professional to do the job.</p>
-
-<p>Clearly she had something up her sleeve about which Blake knew nothing.</p>
-
-<p>He went on, not quite so confidently now. He had proceeded less than a
-dozen steps when he saw the brooch. It was lying in the dust just to
-the left of one of Sabrina's footprints, and it threw back the light
-of the torch in glittering shards that hurt his eyes. Disbelievingly,
-he picked it up. The Erinyes clustered around him to see what he had
-found. They were still wet and dishelved and reeked of the piercing
-odor of decayed algae. They looked anything but happy.</p>
-
-<p>Blake turned the brooch over in the palm of his hand. The inscription
-on the back leaped up and smote him right between the eyes, and he
-staggered and nearly fell. <i>To Deirdre Eldoria</i>, he read, <i>from Nathan
-Blake.</i></p>
-
-<p>He stood there numbly for a long while, not thinking&mdash;unable to think.
-Finally he slipped the brooch into his pocket and moved on.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>He was trembling when he reached the door of Eldoria's hut. The
-footprints led straight up to the threshold and came to an end.
-Diffidently he touched the primitive knob, turned it and pushed the
-door open. He stepped inside and closed the door in the faces of the
-three Erinyes. The remembered anteroom seemed smaller and more sordid
-than the original, but he knew that it was really no different. He had
-remembered it accurately enough. It was he who was different, not the
-room.</p>
-
-<p>Opposite the door, Deirdre Yesterday sat immobile before the arras.
-Equally immobile, Blake Past sat facing her. Deirdre Yesterday's lips
-were parted in the midst of uttering a soundless word. The <i>Anabasis</i>
-lay open on her lap.</p>
-
-<p>Blake Present found it difficult to breathe. The difficulty stemmed
-from a physical as well as an emotional source. Someone was burning
-incense.</p>
-
-<p>He wiped his forehead. Then, bracing himself, he walked over to the
-arras, parted it and stepped into the inner room.</p>
-
-<p>The inner room was empty.</p>
-
-<p>A small notebook lay upon the dais among the scattered scarlet
-cushions. Near it was a faint depression in the foamy coverlet. Blake
-picked up the notebook. The first page contained a hastily written
-message:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p><i>Nate dearest, I've lost my nerve, and by the time you read this I
-shall have run away. Please forgive me for disobeying you. I wanted
-desperately to fulfill your wishes by going to New Earth and attending
-Trevor University, and now I shall, because sitting here in this
-little room I have faced at last the very real possibility that you
-really do not love me. I had hoped that by entering your mind and
-leading you back through our moments together to the moment when we
-met and by freezing that moment and letting you find me in this room,
-you would be shocked into associating me with Eldoria rather than with
-the naive little girl sitting outside the arras&mdash;with sex, rather
-than with saintliness; that I could bring you to understand that the
-little-girl image you have of me is as unrealistic as the father-image
-you have of yourself. But the passing moments have made me realize
-that all this while I have been deluding myself with false hopes and
-that I am merely hopelessly in love with a man who does not regard me
-as a woman at all, who&mdash;</i></p></div>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Here the message broke off as abruptly as it had begun. There was a
-mist before Blake's eyes, and he could not swallow. He bent down and
-felt the depression in the coverlet. It was still warm. There had been
-no footprints leading <i>away</i> from the hut, he remembered.</p>
-
-<p>Straightening, he surveyed the golden tapestries that adorned the
-room's four walls. It was not at all difficult to pick out the one
-behind which she was standing. It was difficult, though, to go over and
-raise it. Her face was pale, and the khaki hiking suit she was wearing
-made it seem all the more so. She stepped out of her hiding place, and
-he let the tapestry fall into place behind her.</p>
-
-<p>She would not meet his eyes. "In another moment I would have been
-gone," she said. "Oh, Nate, why did you come so soon!"</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly the arras parted, and Smith stepped into the room. Without
-pausing, he advanced across the resilient carpet, shoved Blake aside
-and took Deirdre into his arms. He grasped her hair, pulled her head
-back and bent his evil face toward hers.</p>
-
-<p>Outraged, Blake seized the man's shoulder, spun him around and struck
-him in the mouth. Instantly his own mouth went numb, and he tasted
-blood.</p>
-
-<p>He knew who Smith was then.</p>
-
-<p>Glancing into Deirdre's eyes, he saw that she knew too, and realized
-that she had known all along.</p>
-
-<p>He had read of the personality-splits that sometimes occurred when
-there was an acute conflict between the Puritan and satyr, or the good
-and evil, components of the psyche. But never having previously run
-across a real-life example he had failed to tumble to the truth when he
-had entered Burns's birthplace cottage and seen Smith sitting at the
-table.</p>
-
-<p>When such splits occurred, the stronger component took over completely
-and the weaker component was exiled to the country of the mind. In
-Blake's case, the Puritan component had been the stronger, and the
-satyr component the weaker. Hence the latter had had to go. Smith,
-therefore, was but another aspect of himself&mdash;a flesh-and-blood alter
-ego who was overplaying his role in an attempt to force Blake into a
-response that would make the two of them one again.</p>
-
-<p>Knowing who Smith was supplied Blake with the answer to who Sabrina
-York was.</p>
-
-<p>Unconsciously he had been aware all along of Smith's presence in the
-English park image. When he discovered that Deirdre had entered his
-mind he had been so utterly horrified over the prospect of her running
-into his depraved alter ego that he had unconsciously concealed her
-presence from himself by supplying her with a fictitious identity. She
-had deliberately ransacked the little office and left her handkerchief
-behind in the process in order to apprise him of her whereabouts and to
-induce him to follow her, but he had rejected the initials "D. E." on
-her handkerchief and substituted the initials of the first name that
-came into his mind&mdash;Sabrina York. Next he had needed a logical reason
-to go after her and bring her back. His profession had supplied part of
-it, and his father-complex had supplied the other.</p>
-
-<p>In entering his mind instead of going to New Earth, Deirdre had
-disobeyed him and thus, after a fashion, had symbolically destroyed
-him. Hence "Sabrina York" had become the murderer of her father, and
-Blake had set out in pursuit of her in his capacity as a psycheye.
-Deirdre had been careful to leave a clear trail, and the reason she had
-dropped her brooch was to assure him that he was on the right track.</p>
-
-<p>Smith was wiping his mouth and grinning at the same time. Now he
-advanced upon the girl again. Twenty years fell from Blake's shoulders
-as he shoved the man aside. The column of Deirdre's neck was strong and
-shapely. Her breasts were in full and virginal bloom. <i>Who is she that
-looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and
-terrible as an army with banners?</i> Hungrily Blake took her in his arms.</p>
-
-<p>When, a long time later, he released her, Smith had disappeared.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The three Erinyes were standing forlornly in the street when Blake and
-Deirdre left the hut. The hatred had vanished from their faces and they
-were looking at each other as though they had just lost their last
-friend. Certainly they had lost their <i>raison d'etre</i>. Blake sighed.
-Having created them, he was responsible for their welfare. Now that
-they were unemployed it was up to him to do something about it.</p>
-
-<p>Deirdre was regarding them with wide eyes. "Eumenides yet!" she gasped.
-"Oh, Nate, if you aren't the darndest!"</p>
-
-<p>Blushing, Blake took her arm and beckoned to the Erinyes to follow
-him. He led the way cross-country to the Walden Pond image. Thoreau
-was still sitting under the tall pine, gazing raptly up at the blurred
-bird. The sunlight was warm and benign. Blake almost wished he could
-remain there himself. He had always been partial to Walden Pond.</p>
-
-<p>He faced the three Erinyes.</p>
-
-<p>He left them planning their new way of life.</p>
-
-<p>Being human, he would probably have need of them again.</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl in His Mind, by Robert F. Young
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
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-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: The Girl in His Mind
-
-Author: Robert F. Young
-
-Illustrator: Jack Gaughan
- John Pederson
-
-Release Date: August 18, 2016 [EBook #52845]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GIRL IN HIS MIND ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
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-
-
-
-
- THE GIRL IN HIS MIND
-
- By ROBERT F. YOUNG
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Worlds of Tomorrow April 1963
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-
-
- Every man's mind is a universe with countless
- places in which he can hide--even from himself!
-
-
-The dance that the chocoletto girl was performing was an expurgated
-version of the kylee sex ritual which the Louave maidens of Dubhe 7
-practiced on the eve of their betrothal. Expurgated or not, however,
-it was still on the lascivious side. The G-string that constituted
-the chocoletto girl's entire costume put her but one degree above the
-nakedness which the original dance demanded. Nathan Blake's voice was
-slightly thick when he summoned the waiter who was hovering in the
-shadows at the back of the room. "Is she free?" he asked.
-
-"I do not know, mensakin. Perhaps."
-
-Blake resumed watching. The girl's movements were a delicate blend of
-love and lust. Her face accompanied her body, eyes half-lidded one
-moment to match the languid motion of her limbs, wide and feral the
-next to match the furious bump and grind of her hips. For a chocoletto
-she was light-skinned--more bronze, really, than brown. But then,
-the word "chocoletto", coined by the early beche-la-mer traders, was
-misleading, and few of the natives of Dubhe 4's southern-most continent
-lived up to it completely.
-
-She was beautiful too. Her high-cheekboned face was striking--the eyes
-dark-brown and wide-apart, the mouth sensuous, the teeth showing in a
-vivid white line between the half-parted purple lips. And her body was
-splendid. Blake had never seen anyone quite like her.
-
-He beckoned to her when the dance was over and, after slipping into
-a white thigh-length tunic, she joined him at his table. She ordered
-Martian wine in a liquid voice, and sipped it with a finesse that
-belied her cannibalistic forebears. "You wish a night?" she asked.
-
-Blake nodded. "If you are free."
-
-"Three thousand quandoes."
-
-He did not haggle, but counted out the amount and handed it to her. She
-slipped the bills into a thigh sheath-purse, told him her hut number
-and stood up to leave. "I will meet you there in an hour," she said.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Her hut was as good a place to wait for her as any. After buying a
-bottle of native whiskey at the bar, Blake went out into the Dubhe 4
-night and made his way through the labyrinthine alleys of the native
-sector. In common with all chocoletto huts, Eldoria's was uncared for
-on the outside, and gave a false impression of poverty. He expected to
-find the usual hanger-on waiting in the anteroom, and looked forward to
-booting him out into the alley. Instead he found a young girl--
-
-A human girl.
-
-He paused in the doorway. The girl was sitting cross-legged on a small
-mat, a book open on her lap. Xenophon's _Anabasis_. Her hair made him
-think of the copper-colored sunrises of Norma 9 and her eyes reminded
-him of the blue tarns of Fornax 6. "Come in," she said.
-
-After closing the door, he sat down opposite her on the guest mat.
-Behind her, a gaudy arras hid the hut's other room. "You are here to
-wait for Eldoria?" she asked.
-
-Blake nodded. "And you?"
-
-She laughed. "I am here because I live here," she said.
-
-He tried to assimilate the information, but could not. Perceiving his
-difficulty, the girl went on, "My parents indentured themselves to the
-Great Starway Cartel and were assigned to the rubber plantations of
-Dubhe 4. They died of yellow-water dysentery before their indenture ran
-out, and in accordance with Interstellar Law I was auctioned off along
-with the rest of their possessions. Eldoria bought me."
-
-Five years as a roving psycheye had hardened Blake to commercial
-colonization practices; nevertheless, he found the present example of
-man's inhumanity to man sickening.
-
-"How old are you?" Blake asked.
-
-"Fourteen."
-
-"And what are you going to be when you grow up?"
-
-"Probably I shall be a psychiatrist. Eldoria is sending me to the
-mission school now, and afterward she is going to put me through an
-institute of higher learning. And when I come of age, she is going to
-give me my freedom."
-
-"I see," Blake said. He indicated the book on her lap. "Homework?"
-
-She shook her head. "In addition to my courses at the mission school, I
-am studying the humanities."
-
-"Xenophon," Blake said. "And I suppose Plato too."
-
-"And Homer and Virgil and Aeschylus and Euripides and all the rest of
-them. When I grow up I shall be a most well-educated person."
-
-"I'm sure you will be," Blake said, looking at the arras.
-
-"My name is Deirdre."
-
-"Nathan," Blake said. "Nathan Blake."
-
-"Eldoria will be arriving soon. I must go and prepare her dais."
-
- * * * * *
-
-She got up, parted the arras, and slipped into the next room. Shame
-flamed in Blake's cheeks, and for a moment he considered leaving; then
-he remembered Eldoria's dance, and he went right on sitting where he
-was.
-
-Presently the girl returned, and not long afterward the cloying scent
-of native incense crept beneath the arras and permeated the anteroom.
-She sat sideways on the mat this time, and he caught her face in
-profile. There was a suggestion of saintliness in the line of the nose
-and chin, a suggestion made all the more poignant by the slender column
-of the neck. He shifted uncomfortably on the guest mat. She had taken
-up the _Anabasis_ again, and silence was pounding silent fists upon the
-walls.
-
-He was relieved when Eldoria finally arrived. She ushered him into
-the next room immediately. It was slightly larger than the anteroom,
-and much more richly appointed. A thick carpet the color of Martian
-waterways lay upon the floor, contrasting pleasantly with the golden
-tapestries that adorned all four walls. The sleeping dais was oval
-and took up nearly half the floor space. It was strewn with scarlet
-cushions.
-
-Blake sat down upon it. Nervously he watched Eldoria slip out of her
-white street robe, his eyes moving back and forth from her smooth dark
-skin to the arras. The incense thickened around him.
-
-She noticed the back-and-forth movement of his eyes. "You need not fear
-the little one," she said, laying her hand upon his knee. "She will not
-enter."
-
-"It's not that so much," Blake said.
-
-"What?" The warm bronze shoulder was touching his....
-
-He rose up once in the night, thinking to find his hotel bed. His next
-awakening was in the grayness of dawn, and he got up and dressed and
-moved silently to the doorway. The girl slept just without the arras on
-a thin sleeping-mat, and he had to step over her to gain the anteroom.
-In sleep, a strand of her copper-colored hair had tumbled down across
-her forehead and lay like a lovely flower upon the virginal whiteness
-of her skin. There was something saintly about her quiet face.
-
-When he reached the alley he began to run, and he did not stop running
-till the chocoletto sector was far behind him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The hill was a memory-image and Aldebaran 12 rain-country hills were
-notoriously steep. Blake was breathing hard when he reached the crest.
-
-Before him lay a memory-image of a section of Deneb 1 wasteland. The
-image extended for no more than half a mile, but Blake was annoyed
-that he should have remembered even that much of the wretched terrain.
-Ideally, a man's mind-country should have been comprised only of the
-places and times he wanted to remember. Practically, however, that was
-far from being the case.
-
-He glanced back down into the rain-pocked valley that he had just
-crossed. The rain and the mist made for poor visibility. He could only
-faintly distinguish the three figures of his pursuers. The trio seemed
-a little closer now.
-
-Ever since he had first set foot into his mind, some ten hours ago,
-they had been on his trail, but for some reason he had been unable
-to bring himself to go back and find out who they were and what they
-wanted. Hence he was as vexed with himself as he was with them.
-
-After resting for a few minutes, he descended the hill and started
-across the Deneb 1 wasteland. It was a remarkably detailed
-materialization, and his quarry's footprints stood out clearly in the
-duplicated sand.
-
-Sabrina York did not even know the rudiments of the art of throwing
-off a mind-tracker. It would have done her but little good if she
-had, for twelve years as a psycheye had taught Blake all the tricks.
-Probably she had taken it for granted that the mere act of hiding out
-in her tracker's mind was in itself a sufficient guarantee of her
-safety. After all, she had no way of knowing that he had discovered her
-presence.
-
-Mind-country was as temporally inconsecutive as it was topographically
-incongruous, so Blake was not surprised when the Deneb 1 wasteland gave
-way to an expanse of boyhood meadow. Near the meadow was the house
-where Blake had lived at a much later date. In reality, the places were
-as far apart in miles as they were in years, but here in the country
-of his mind they existed side by side, surrounded by heterogeneous
-landscapes from all over the civilized sector of the galaxy and by the
-sharply demarcated spectra of a hundred different suns. A few of the
-suns were in the patchwork sky--Sirius, for example, and its twinkling
-dwarf companion. Most of them, however, were present only in their
-remembered radiance. To add to the confusion, scattered night memories
-interrupted the hodge-podge horizon with columns of darkness, and here
-and there the gray column of a dawn or dusk memory showed.
-
-The house was flanked on one side by a section of a New Earth spaceport
-and on the other by an excerpt of an Ex-earth city-block. Behind it
-flowed a brief blue stretch of Martian waterway.
-
-Sabrina's footsteps led up to the front door, and the door itself was
-ajar. Perhaps she was still inside. Perhaps she was watching him even
-now through one of the remembered windows. He scanned them with a
-professional eye, but saw no sign of her.
-
-Warily he stepped inside, adjusting the temperature of his all-weather
-jacket to the remembered air-conditioning. His father was sitting in
-the living room, smoking, and watching 3V. He had no awareness of
-Blake. At Blake's entry he went right on smoking and watching as though
-the door had neither opened nor closed. He would go right on smoking
-and watching till Blake died and the conglomeration of place-times
-that constituted Blake's mind-world ceased to be. Ironically, he was
-watching nothing. The 3V program that had been in progress at the time
-of the unconscious materialization had failed to come through.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The memory was a treasured one--the old man had perished in a 'copter
-crash several years ago--and for a long while Blake did not move.
-He had never been in his own mind before. Consequently he was more
-affected than he might otherwise have been. Finally, stirring himself,
-he walked out into the kitchen. On a shelf above the sink stood a gaily
-colored box of his mother's favorite detergent with a full-length
-drawing of Vera Velvetskin, the company's blond and chic visual symbol,
-on the front. His mother was standing before the huge automatic range,
-preparing a meal she had served twenty-three years ago. He regarded her
-with moist eyes. She had died a dozen years before his father, but the
-wound that her death had caused had never healed. He wanted to go up
-behind her and touch her shoulder and say, "What's for supper, mom?"
-but he knew it would do no good. For her he had no reality, not only
-because he was far in her future, but because in his mind-world she was
-a mortal and he, a god--a picayune god, perhaps, but a real one.
-
-As he was about to turn away, the name-plate on the range caught his
-eye, and thinking that he had read the two words wrong, he stepped
-closer so that he could see them more clearly. No, he had made no
-mistake: the first word was "Sabrina", and the second was "York".
-
-He stepped back. Odd that a kitchen range should have the same name as
-his quarry. But perhaps not unduly so. Giving appliances human names
-had been common practice for centuries. Even a name like "Sabrina
-York", while certainly not run-of-the-mill, was bound to be duplicated
-in real life. Nevertheless a feeling of uneasiness accompanied him when
-he left the kitchen and climbed the stairs to the second floor.
-
-He went through each room systematically, but saw no sign of Sabrina
-York. He lingered for some time in his own room, wistfully watching his
-fifteen-year-old self lolling on the bed with a dog-eared copy of _The
-Galaxy Boys and the Secret of the Crab Nebula_, then he stepped back
-out into the hall and started to descend the stairs.
-
-At the head of the stairs a narrow window looked out over the front
-yard and thence out over the meadow. He glanced absently through the
-panes, and came to an abrupt halt. His three pursuers were wading
-through the long meadow grass less than a quarter of a mile away--not
-close enough as yet for him to be able to make out their faces, but
-close enough for him to be able to see that two of them were wearing
-dresses and that the third had on a blue skirt and blouse, and a kepi
-to match. He gasped. It simply hadn't occurred to him that his pursuers
-might be women. To his consternation he discovered that he was even
-more loath to go back and accost them than he had been before. He
-actually had an impulse to flee.
-
-He controlled it and descended the stairs with exaggerated slowness,
-leaving the house by way of the back door. He picked up Sabrina's trail
-in the back yard and followed it down to the Martian waterway and
-thence along the bank to where the waterway ended and a campus began.
-Not the campus of the university which he had visited two days ago to
-attend his protegee's graduation. It was not a place-time that he cared
-to revisit, nor a moment that he cared to relive, but Sabrina's trail
-led straight across the artificially stunted grass toward the little
-bench where he and Deirdre Eldoria had come to talk after the ceremony
-was over. He had no choice.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The bench stood beneath a towering American elm whose feathery branches
-traced green arabesques against the blue June sky. A set of footprints
-slightly deeper than its predecessors indicated that Sabrina had
-paused by the trunk. Despite himself Blake paused there too. Pain
-tightened his throat when he looked at Deirdre's delicate profile
-and copper-colored hair, intensified when he lowered his eyes to the
-remembered blueness of her graduation dress. The diamond brooch that he
-had given her as a graduation present, and which she had proudly pinned
-upon her bodice for the whole wide world to see, made him want to
-cry. His self-image of two weeks ago shocked him. There were lines on
-the face that did not as yet exist, and the brown hair was shot with
-streaks of gray that had yet to come into being. Lord, he must have
-been feeling old to have pictured himself like that!
-
-Deirdre was speaking. "Yes," she was saying, "at nine o'clock. And I
-should very much like for you to come."
-
-Blake Past shook his head. "Proms aren't for parents. You know that
-as well as I do. That young man you were talking with a few minutes
-ago--he's the one who should take you. He'd give his right arm for the
-chance."
-
-"I'll thank you not to imply that you're my father. One would think
-from the way you talk that you are centuries old!"
-
-"I'm thirty-eight," Blake Past said, "and while I may not be your
-father, I'm certainly old enough to be. That young man--"
-
-A pink flush of anger climbed into Deirdre Eldoria's girlish cheeks.
-"What right has _he_ got to take me! Did _he_ scrimp and go without
-in order to put me through high school and college? Has _he_ booked
-passage for me to New Earth and paid my tuition to Trevor University?"
-
-"Please," Blake Past said, desperation deepening his voice. "You're
-only making everything worse. After majoring in Trevorism, you
-certainly ought to realize by now that there was nothing noble about my
-buying you after Eldoria died. I only did it to ease my conscience--"
-
-"What do _you_ know about conscience?" Deirdre demanded. "Conscience
-is a much more complex mechanism than most laymen realize. Guilt
-feelings aren't reliable criteria. They can stem from false
-causes--from ridiculous things like a person's inability to accept
-himself for what he is." Abruptly she dropped the subject. "Don't you
-realize, Nate," she went on a little desperately, "that I'm leaving
-tomorrow and that we won't see each other again for years and years?"
-
-"I'll come to New Earth to visit you," Blake said. "Venus is only a few
-days distant on the new ships."
-
-She stood up. "You won't come--I know you won't." She stamped her foot.
-"And you won't come to the prom either. I know that too. I knew it all
-along. Sometimes I'm tempted to--" Abruptly she broke off. "Very well
-then," she went on, "I'll say good-by now then."
-
-Blake Past stood up too. "No, not yet. I'll walk back to the sorority
-house with you."
-
-She tossed her head, but the sadness in her tarn-blue eyes belied her
-hauteur. "If you wish," she said.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Blake Present watched them set out side by side toward the remembered
-halls of learning that showed in the distance. There had been other
-people present on the campus that afternoon, but as they had failed to
-register on Blake Past's mind, they did not exist for Blake Present.
-All that existed for Blake Present were the diminishing figures of the
-girl and the man, and the pain that was constricting his throat.
-
-Wretchedly he turned away. As he did so he saw the three shadows lying
-at his feet and knew that his pursuers had at last caught up to him.
-
-His first reaction when he faced them was amazement. His next reaction
-was shock. His third was fear.
-
-His amazement resulted from recognition. One of the three women arrayed
-before him was Miss Stoddart, his boyhood Sunday-school teacher.
-Standing next to her in a familiar blue uniform was Officer Finch,
-the police woman who had maintained law and order in the collective
-elementary school he had attended. Standing next to Officer Finch was
-blond and chic Vera Velvetskin, whose picture he had seen on box after
-countless box of his mother's favorite detergent.
-
-His shock resulted from the expressions on the three faces. Neither
-Miss Stoddart nor Officer Finch ever particularly liked him, but they
-had never particularly disliked him either. This Miss Stoddart and this
-Officer Finch disliked him, though. They hated him. They hated him so
-much that their hatred had thinned out their faces and darkened their
-eyes. More shocking yet, Vera Velvetskin, who had never existed save
-in some copywriter's mind, hated him too. In fact, judging from the
-greater thinness of her face and the more pronounced darkness of her
-eyes, she hated him even more than Miss Stoddart and Officer Finch did.
-
-His fear resulted from the realization that his mind-world contained
-phenomena it had no right to contain--not if he was nearly as
-well-adjusted as he considered himself to be. The three women standing
-before him definitely were not memory-images. They were too vivid, for
-one thing. For another, they were aware of him. What were they, then?
-And what were they doing in his mind?
-
-He asked the two questions aloud.
-
-Three arms were raised and three forefingers were pointed accusingly at
-his chest. Three pairs of eyes burned darkly. "You ask us that?" Miss
-Stoddart said. "Callous creature who did a maiden's innocence affront!"
-said Officer Finch. "And sought sanctuary in ill-fitting robes of
-righteousness!" said Vera Velvetskin. The three faces moved together,
-blurred and seemed to blend into one. The three voices were raised in
-unison: "You know who we are, Nathan Blake. _You_ know who we are!"
-
-Blake stared at them open-mouthed. Then he turned and fled.
-
- * * * * *
-
-It had taken man a long time to discover that he was a god in his
-own right and that he too was capable of creating universes. Trivial
-universes, to be sure, when compared with the grandeur and scope of the
-objective one, and peopled with ghosts instead of human beings; but
-universes nonetheless.
-
-The discovery came about quite by accident. After projecting himself
-into a patient's memory one day, a psychologist named Trevor suddenly
-found himself clinging to the slope of a traumatically distorted
-mountain. His patient was beside him.
-
-The mountain proved to be an unconscious memory-image out of the
-patient's boyhood, and its country proved to be the country of the
-patient's mind. After many trials and errors, Trevor managed to get
-both himself and his patient back to the objective world, and not long
-afterward he was able to duplicate the feat on another case.
-
-The next logical step was to enter his own mind, and this he also
-succeeded in doing.
-
-It was inevitable that Trevor should write a book about his discovery
-and set about founding a new school of psychology. It was equally
-inevitable that he should acquire enemies as well as disciples.
-However, as the years passed and the new therapy which he devised cured
-more and more psychoses, the ranks of his disciples swelled and those
-of his enemies shrank. When, shortly before his death, he published a
-paper explaining how anyone could enter his or her own mind-world at
-will, his niche in the Freudian hall of fame was assured.
-
-The method employed an ability that had been evolving in the human mind
-for millennia--the ability to project oneself into a past moment--or,
-to use Trevor's term, a past "place-time." Considerable practice was
-required before the first transition could be achieved, but once it
-was achieved, successive transitions became progressively easier.
-Entering another person's mind-world was of course a more difficult
-undertaking, and could be achieved only after an intensive study of
-a certain moment in that person's past. In order to return to the
-objective world, it was necessary in both cases to locate the most
-recently materialized place-time and take one step beyond it.
-
-By their very nature, mind-countries were confusing. They existed on
-a plane of reality that bore no apparent relationship to the plane
-of the so-called objective universe. In fact, so far as was known,
-this secondary--or subjective--reality was connected to so-called
-true reality only through the awareness of the various creators. In
-addition, these countries had no outward shape in the ordinary sense of
-the word, and while most countries contained certain parallel images,
-these images were subject to the interpretation of the individual
-creator. As a result they were seldom identical.
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was inevitable that sooner or later some criminal would hit upon
-the idea of hiding out in his own mind-world till the statute of
-limitations that applied to his particular crime ran out, and it was
-equally inevitable that others should follow suit. Society's answer was
-the psyche-police, and the psyche-police hadn't been in action very
-long before the first private psycheye appeared.
-
-Blake was one of a long line of such operators.
-
-So far as he knew, the present case represented the first time a
-criminal had ever hidden out in the pursuer's mind. It would have been
-a superb stratagem indeed if, shortly after her entry, Sabrina York
-had not betrayed her presence. For her point of entry she had used
-the place-time materialization of the little office Blake had opened
-on Ex-earth at the beginning of his career. Unaccountably she had
-ransacked it before moving into a co-terminous memory-image.
-
-Even this action wouldn't have given her away, however, if the office
-hadn't constituted a sentimental memory. Whenever Blake accepted a case
-he invariably thought of the bleak and lonely little room with its
-thin-gauge steel desk and battered filing cabinets, and when he had
-done so after accepting his case--or was it before? He couldn't quite
-remember--the mental picture that had come into his mind had revealed
-open drawers, scattered papers and a general air of disarray.
-
-He had suspected the truth immediately, and when he had seen the
-woman's handkerchief with the initials "SB" embroidered on it lying
-by one of the filing cabinets he had known definitely that his quarry
-was hiding out in his mind. Retiring to his bachelor quarters, he had
-entered at the same place-time and set off in pursuit.
-
-Her only advantage lost, Sabrina York was now at his mercy. Unless
-she discovered his presence and was able to locate his most recently
-materialized place-time before he over-took her, her capture was
-assured.
-
-Only two things bothered Blake. The little office was far in his past,
-and it was unlikely that anyone save the few intimate acquaintances
-whom he had told about it were aware that it had ever existed. How,
-then, had a total stranger such as Sabrina York learned enough about it
-to enable her to use it as a point of entry?
-
-The other thing that bothered him was of a much more urgent nature.
-He had been in enough minds and he had read enough on the subject
-of Trevorism to know that people were sometimes capable of creating
-beings considerably higher on the scale of mind-country evolution
-than ordinary memory-ghosts. One woman whom he had apprehended in her
-own mind had created a walking-talking Virgin Mary who watched over
-her wherever she went. And once, after tracking down an ex-enlisted
-man, he had found his quarry holed up in the memory-image of an army
-barracks with a ten-star general waiting on him hand and foot. But
-these, and other, similar, cases, had to do with mal-adjusted people,
-and moreover, the super-image in each instance had been an image that
-the person involved had _wanted_ to create. Therefore, even assuming
-that Blake was less well-adjusted than he considered himself to be, why
-had he created three such malevolent super-images as Miss Stoddart,
-Officer Finch, and Vera Velvetskin?
-
- * * * * *
-
-They followed him off the campus into a vicarious memory-image of
-Walden Pond, Thoreau's shack, and the encompassing woods. Judging from
-the ecstatic "oh's" and "ah's" they kept giving voice to, the place
-delighted them. Once, glancing back over his shoulder, he saw them
-standing in front of Thoreau's shack, looking at it as though it were a
-doll's house. Not far away, Thoreau was sitting in under a tall pine,
-gazing up into the branches at a bird that had come through only as a
-vague blur of beak and feathers.
-
-Blake went on. Presently the Walden Pond memory-image gave way to a
-memory-image of an English park which the ex-Earth government had set
-aside as a memorial to the English poets and which had impressed Blake
-sufficiently when he had visited it in his youth to have found a place
-for itself in the country of his mind. It consisted of reconstructions
-of famous dwellings out of the lives of the poets, among them, a
-dwelling out of the life of a poet who was not in the strictest sense
-of the word English at all--the birthplace of Robert Burns. Oddly
-enough, it was Burns's birthplace that had impressed Blake most. Now
-the little cottage stood out in much more vivid detail than any of the
-other famous dwellings.
-
-Sabrina York must have been attracted to the place, for her footprints
-showed that she had turned in at the gate, walked up the little path
-and let herself in the door.
-
-They also showed that she had left by the same route, so there was no
-reason for Blake to linger. As a matter of fact, the fascination that
-had brought the place into being had been replaced by an illogical
-repugnance. But repugnance can sometimes be as compelling a force as
-fascination, and Blake not only lingered but went inside as well.
-
-He remembered the living room distinctly--the flagstone floor, the huge
-grill-fronted hearth, the deeply recessed window, the rack of cups and
-platters on the wall; the empty straight-backed chair standing sternly
-in a corner, the bare wooden table--
-
-He paused just within the doorway. The chair was no longer empty, the
-table no longer bare.
-
-A man sat on the former and a bottle of wine stood on the latter.
-Moreover, the room showed signs of having been lived in for a long
-time. The floor was covered with tracked-in dirt and the walls were
-blackened from smoke. The grill-work of the hearth was begrimed with
-grease.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Whatever else he might be the man sitting at the table was not an
-image out of the past. He was too vividly real. He was around Blake's
-age, and about Blake's height and build. However, he was given to
-fat. His paunch contrasted jarringly with Blake's trim waist. His
-vaguely familiar face was swollen--probably from the wine he had
-drunk--and his too-full cheeks were well on the way to becoming jowls.
-His bloodshot eyes were underscored with shadows, and his clothing
-consisted of odds and ends out of Blake's past: a tattered, too-tight
-pullover with the letter "L" on the front, a pair of ragged red-plaid
-hunting breeches and a pair of cracked riding-boots.
-
-Blake advanced across the room and picked up the bottle. One sniff told
-him that it came from a memory-image of a Martian wine-cellar. He set
-the bottle back down. "Who are you?" he demanded.
-
-The man looked up at him sardonically. "Call me Smith," he said. "If I
-told you who I really am, you wouldn't believe me."
-
-"What are you doing in my mind?"
-
-"You should know the answer to that one. You put me here."
-
-Blake stared "Why, I've never even seen you before!"
-
-"Granted," Smith said. "But you used to know me. As a matter of fact,
-you and I used to get along together famously." He reached around and
-got a cup off the wall-rack. "Pull up a chair and have a drink. I've
-been expecting you."
-
-Bewildered, Blake sat but shoved the cup aside. "I don't drink," he
-said.
-
-"That's right," Smith said. "Stupid of me to forget." He took a swig
-out of the bottle, set it back down. "Let's see, it's been seven years
-now. Right?"
-
-"How the devil did you know?"
-
-Smith sighed. "Who should know better than I? Who indeed? But I guess
-I can't kick too much. You certainly materialized enough of the stuff
-in your--shall we say 'wilder'?--days." He shook his head. "No, I can't
-say I've suffered in that respect."
-
-Comprehension came to Blake then. He had heard of the parasites who
-lived in other person's minds, but this was the first time he had ever
-happened to run across one. "Why, you're nothing but a mind-comber," he
-said. "I should have guessed!"
-
-Smith looked hurt. "You do me a grave injustice, friend. A very grave
-injustice. And after my being so considerate of this cottage and using
-the back door and everything! The young lady who stopped by a little
-while ago was much more understanding than you are."
-
-"You talked with her then?" Blake asked. He suppressed a shudder. For
-some reason it horrified him that his quarry should be aware that so
-despicable a creature inhabited his mind. "What--what does she look
-like?"
-
-"_You_ know what she looks like."
-
-"But I don't. I took the case on such short notice that I didn't have a
-chance to get a picture or even a description of her."
-
-Smith regarded him shrewdly. "What did she do?"
-
-"She murdered her father," Blake said.
-
-Smith guffawed. "I should have known it would be something like that.
-Ties in perfectly. By the way, what's her name?"
-
-"Sabrina York--not that it's any of your business."
-
-"Oh, but it is my business--as much my business as yours. As a matter
-of fact, I'm going to help you find her."
-
-Blake stood up. "No, you're not," he said. "You're going to get out of
-my mind and you're going to stay out--"
-
-He paused as a knock sounded on the door. Smith answered it, and a
-moment later Miss Stoddart, Officer Finch and Vera Velvetskin filed
-into the room and arrayed themselves before Blake. Again three arms
-were raised; again three forefingers were pointed accusingly at his
-chest. "Wretched creature!" said Miss Stoddart. "Consorting with so
-foul a fiend!" said Officer Finch. "And in so vile a den of iniquity!"
-said Vera Velvetskin.
-
- * * * * *
-
-For a while Smith just stood there staring at the three visitors. Then
-he turned toward Blake. "Well, I'll be damned!" he said. "You really
-do have an overactive conscience, don't you!" He faced the three women
-again. "Get off his back, you creeps! Can't you see he's got enough
-troubles without you dogging his footsteps?" He opened the door. "Out,
-all of you, before I throw you out!"
-
-Three frightened looks settled on the three thin faces, but neither
-Miss Stoddart nor Officer Finch nor Vera Velvetskin made a move in
-the direction of the door till Smith advanced upon them with lowering
-countenance. Then they fairly scampered from the room. Officer Finch
-was the last in line, and Smith helped her along with the toe of one
-of Blake's cracked boots. The shriek she emitted coincided with the
-slamming of the door.
-
-Smith leaned weakly against the door and began to laugh. "Shut up,"
-Blake said, "and tell me who they are!"
-
-Tears were rolling down Smith's blotchy cheeks. "_You_ know who they
-are. You created them, didn't you? The skinny one is the one who told
-you about Moses in the bulrushes and the husky one is the one who saw
-to it that you didn't step out of line in school and the one with the
-nice shape is the one you associate with the immaculateness of your
-mother's kitchen sink. Spiritual virtue, civil virtue--and physical
-virtue!"
-
-"But why did I create them?" Blake demanded. "And why are they
-following me around like a bunch of vindictive harpies?"
-
-"There!" Smith said. "You almost had it. Not harpies, though--Furies.
-Erinyes. Tisiphone, Megaera, Alecto. You created them because you
-wanted to punish yourself. You created them because you can't accept
-yourself for what you are. You created them because even after putting
-me in exile you're still conscience-crazy, and they're following you
-around and bugging you because you want them to follow you around and
-bug you--because you want to be reminded of what a heel you think you
-are! You always were a Puritan in wolfs clothing, Blake."
-
-The remark angered Blake to the extent that it dispelled his amazement.
-He shoved Smith away from the door and opened it. "All that may be,"
-he said, "and maybe I did know you once upon a time. But don't let me
-find you here when I get back. Understand?" He paused in the doorway,
-frowning. "Tell me one more thing, though. Why Burns's birthplace? Why
-should a memory-image like this appeal to a mind-comber?"
-
-Smith grinned. "Bobby Burns has always fascinated me--just as he has
-you. Or should I say 'us'?" The grin turned into a leer, and he picked
-up the bottle and waved it back and forth like a baton--
-
- My love, she's but a lassie yet,
- My love, she's but a lassie yet;
- We'll let her stand a year or twa,
- She'll no be half sae saucy yet;
- I rue the day I sought her O!
- I rue the day I sought her O!
- Wha gets her needs na say he's woo'd,
- But he may say he has bought her O.
-
-Furious, Blake strode down the path. Smith's taunting laughter sounding
-in his wake.
-
-The three Erinyes were waiting for him at the gate, and fell in behind
-him when he turned down the lane. He lost Sabrina's trail in front of
-the farmhouse where Coleridge wrote _Kubla Khan_, picked it up again
-opposite the Mitre Tavern. Presently it veered right, passed between
-Milton's birthplace and Stratford-on-Avon, and entered a night-image.
-He was halfway down a dim-lit street, the Erinyes just behind him,
-before he realized where he was.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Disciplined trees stood at attention along two suburban strips of
-lawn. Beyond them, half-remembered houses showed. One of them stood
-out vividly--a round, modernesque affair surrounded by a quarter-acre
-of grass and shrubs and flowers. It was the house he had rented while
-Deirdre Eldoria was attending high school. It was a house he had hoped
-never to see again.
-
-He was seeing it now, though, and he was going to see it at much closer
-quarters, for Sabrina's footprints led straight across the remembered
-lawn to the very doorstep. She had not gone in, however, he discovered
-presently; instead, she had forsaken the door for a concave picture
-window through which bright light streamed out onto the grass. The
-depth of a pair of her footprints showed that she had stood there for a
-long time, peeking into his past. Despite himself, Blake peeked too. So
-did the three Erinyes.
-
-The room was a far cry from the one he had just left. The hearth
-was built of meticulously mortared red bricks. The thick rug was a
-two-dimensional garden of multicolored flowers. There were exquisite
-tables and flower-petal stools. There were deep chairs that begged to
-be sat in. A sybaritic sofa occupied an entire wall.
-
-On the sofa sat a man and a girl. The man was himself at the age of
-thirty-four. The girl was Deirdre Eldoria at the age of seventeen.
-
-Blake Past was helping her with her lessons. The moment was a composite
-of a hundred similar scenes. Now she raised her eyes from the book
-on her lap, and Blake Past caught her girlish profile ... and Blake
-Present, standing in the soft and scented darkness of the remembered
-spring night with the three Erinyes breathing down the back of his
-neck, caught it too, and both Blakes knew pain. Now she returned
-her attention to the book, and Blake Past leaned forward in order
-to read the passage that she was in doubt about. And as he did so,
-her copper-colored hair touched his cheek and the warm tingle of the
-contact traveled down through the years to Blake Present.
-
-Overcome by the poignancy of the moment, he stepped back from the
-window, colliding with the three Erinyes as he did so. They moved a
-little distance away, arrayed themselves, and started to raise their
-right arms. "Oh, can it!" Blake said disgustedly. In the darkness
-behind him, someone laughed. "_My love, she's but a lassie yet_," Smith
-sang in a cracked baritone. "_We'll let her stand a year or twa,
-she'll no be half sae saucy yet!_"
-
-Blake whirled, and flashed his light into the shadows. The light picked
-up Smith's retreating figure. "Get out of my mind!" Blake shouted. "Do
-you hear me? Get out of my mind!"
-
-Laughter danced in the darkness, silence ensued. Turning back toward
-the window, Blake saw that Blake Past and Deirdre Yesterday were
-leaving the living room. He watched them come out the front door, walk
-around the corner of the house and start down a starlit garden path.
-
-Forsaking Sabrina's trail, he followed them along the path, the Erinyes
-at his heels, and watched them sit down on a little white bench beside
-a rose-riotous trellis. As he watched, Blake Past broke one of the
-roses free and pinned it in Deirdre's cupreous hair.
-
-Blake Present plunged away from the moment and picked up Sabrina's
-trail again. _Why did I sit there beside her?_ he demanded silently
-of the remembered stars. _Sit there beside her like her lover when
-the roses were in bloom? Father-protector--father-fool! I slept with
-her mistress, and I would have been her Naoise! Within earshot of her
-conched ear I lay with her black whore-mother, and when the satyr in me
-was replete I stepped over her thin child's body and ran away!_
-
-Behind him in the night, the Erinyes hissed and murmured to each other
-gloatingly.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Sabrina's trail had been erratic before. Now it became even more so.
-It approached this boundary and that, only to veer off in another
-direction. Sometimes it doubled back upon itself, and each time
-Blake was able to cut down on her lead. He should have been elated.
-Strangely, however, he was not. Instead, a feeling of uneasiness
-afflicted him, increasing as the distance between them shrank.
-
-At length, after detouring around an impassable memory-image of deep
-space, the trail extended into what at first appeared to be a vast
-woodland park. It was not a park, though. It was a Dubhe 4 rubber
-plantation. Blake groaned. Did he have to relive this sequence too?
-
-Apparently he did. Sabrina's footprints were deep and undeniable in
-the soft earth. They pointed unerringly in the remembered direction.
-Had she discovered that he was following her? Was she deliberately
-torturing him by making him back-track along a mental trail that he
-wanted desperately to avoid? It would certainly seem so.
-
-He forced himself to move forward among the gray ghosts of trees. He
-crossed a shallow, scum-covered stream, leaping from rock to rock, and
-afterward climbed a hill. Hearing a loud splash behind him, he turned
-and looked back.
-
-Miss Stoddart, in trying to cross the stream, had lost her balance
-and fallen in, and Officer Finch and Vera Velvetskin were trying to
-help her to her feet. As he watched, they too lost their balance and
-joined their companion in the greenish water. There followed a period
-of hysterical floundering, after which the trio waded dripping and
-bedraggled to the bank.
-
-Blake would have laughed, had not the place-time oppressed him.
-Descending the opposite slope of the hill, he entered a wide valley.
-Presently he glimpsed the buildings of the Great Starway Cartel
-processing plant through the trees.
-
-The overseer's bungalow was visible just to the left, and it was toward
-this latter structure that Sabrina's footprints pointed. The original
-clearing had swarmed with chocolettos. Blake's, however, did not. In
-his single-mindedness of six years ago he had had eyes for only two
-people--the overseer and Deirdre.
-
-Stepping into the clearing, he saw the man now--the bearded bestial
-face, the long arms, the large and hairy hands--and he saw the
-fifteen-year old girl lying on the ground where the man had thrown her
-after she had slapped his face. After a moment he saw himself of six
-years ago step out of the grove of rubber trees and advance white-faced
-into the scene.
-
-"No!" the girl lying on the ground cried. "He'll kill you!"
-
-Blake Past ignored her. The overseer had drawn a knife. Now the knife
-flashed, and a streak of crimson appeared on Blake Past's arm. The
-knife flashed again, but this time it described a large arc and landed
-a dozen feet away. Now the overseer's throat was between Blake Past's
-hands, and the bearded face was changing colors. It grew green first,
-then blue. Blake Past shook the man several times before letting him
-slip to the ground. He dropped a handful of _quandoe_-notes on the
-heaving chest.
-
-"That's what you paid for her," he said. He withdrew a paper from his
-breast pocket, unfolded it and held it before the gasping overseer's
-eyes. "Sign it," he said, handing it to him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The overseer did so, lying on his side. Blake Past pocketed the paper
-and helped the girl to her feet. The tarn-blue eyes were wide in the
-thin child's face. "Eldoria died," she blurted. "They--"
-
-Blake Past nodded. "I know. But they can't sell you any more. I own you
-now."
-
-"I am glad," the girl said. "I knew from the first moment I saw you
-that you were noble. I shall like being your slave, and I will serve
-you very faithfully."
-
-Blake Past looked away. Blake Present lowered his eyes. "Can you walk?"
-Blake Past asked.
-
-"Oh, yes. I am very strong."
-
-She took a step forward, swayed and would have fallen, had not Blake
-Past caught her. "I--I guess I am not quite as strong as I thought,"
-she said. "But I shall recuperate swiftly. Why did you come back,
-_mensakin_ Blake?"
-
-"I came back to buy you from Eldoria," Blake Past said. He did not add
-that the memory of her saintly face as he had seen it when he stepped
-over her had lasted a whole year, or that his dreams of her had made a
-mockery of his sleep. "When I found out that Eldoria had died and that
-you had been sold again, I came directly here."
-
-"You will not be sorry. I will make you an excellent slave."
-
-"I didn't buy you for that reason. I bought you to give you your--"
-
-"There is one request I would like to make, however," the girl
-interrupted. "I would like to take 'Eldoria' as my surname. She was
-very kind to me, and I would like to repay her in some way."
-
-"Very well," Blake Past said. "'Deirdre Eldoria' it will be, then."
-
-He picked her up and carried her into the grove. Blake Present watched
-them till they disappeared among the trees. He knew where Blake Past
-was taking her--had taken her. Back to the settlement, and from there
-to the spaceport, and thence to Ex-earth. Ex-earth and high school,
-then college--
-
-She had never been his slave, though. He had been hers.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Sabrina's trail circled back into the grove and left the place-time by
-a different route. Immediately it became erratic again. It was evident
-to Blake that she was searching for a particular memory-image and that
-she was having trouble finding it. Perhaps she knew of some moment in
-his past where she would be safe even from him.
-
-When he stepped into the little Dubhe 4 settlement he instinctively
-assumed that it was on the same chronological plane as the plantation
-place-time. However, the darkness that instantly enclosed him and the
-stars that sprang to life in the sky apprised him that such could not
-possibly be the case. This was the Dubhe 4 settlement of seven years
-ago. This was the night he had sat in the chocoletto cafe and watched
-Eldoria dance--the night he had kept a tryst with her in her hut; the
-night he had first seen Deirdre.
-
-But why had Sabrina come here? Where in this wretched little
-memory-image did she expect to find sanctuary?
-
-Suddenly he knew. Eldoria's hut. He would rather die than enter it
-again, and somehow Sabrina must have discovered his attitude. Probably
-even now she was within those four remembered walls, laughing at him.
-
-Anger kindled in him. The effrontery of her! Daring to pre-empt a
-moment that belonged solely to him! He would enter the hut if it killed
-him. If he had to, he would tear down its walls and banish its memory
-forever from the country of his mind.
-
-With the aid of his pocket torch, he found her footprints in the dust.
-He followed them down the street, the three Erinyes tagging doggedly
-along behind him. The trail, erratic no longer, led straight to the
-labyrinthine alleys of the native sector and thence along the shortest
-route to Eldoria's hut. For a person who had never been to Dubhe 4,
-Sabrina York certainly knew her way around.
-
-Maybe, though, she had been to Dubhe 4. He knew very little about her.
-He knew nothing at all, in fact, save that she had murdered her father.
-He did not even know how she had murdered him, or why. Abruptly Blake
-shoved the matter from his mind. It wasn't his business to know how or
-why she had done the deed. It was his business to find and apprehend
-her.
-
-Presently, in the darkness before him, he made out a motionless
-white-robed figure. He approached it warily, found to his consternation
-that it was frozen in the act of taking a step forward. He shone his
-light into the face. It was dark bronze in hue. The eyes were wide
-apart, and the teeth showed in a vivid white line between half-parted
-purple lips. Eldoria, on her way to keep her tryst with him....
-
-But why didn't she move on? Suddenly Blake knew. In treating a patient,
-Trevorite psychologists sometimes froze certain place-times in his past
-in order to study them in greater detail. The girl in Blake's mind had
-either frozen the Dubhe 4 place-time herself, then, or had hired a
-professional to do the job.
-
-Clearly she had something up her sleeve about which Blake knew nothing.
-
-He went on, not quite so confidently now. He had proceeded less than a
-dozen steps when he saw the brooch. It was lying in the dust just to
-the left of one of Sabrina's footprints, and it threw back the light
-of the torch in glittering shards that hurt his eyes. Disbelievingly,
-he picked it up. The Erinyes clustered around him to see what he had
-found. They were still wet and dishelved and reeked of the piercing
-odor of decayed algae. They looked anything but happy.
-
-Blake turned the brooch over in the palm of his hand. The inscription
-on the back leaped up and smote him right between the eyes, and he
-staggered and nearly fell. _To Deirdre Eldoria_, he read, _from Nathan
-Blake._
-
-He stood there numbly for a long while, not thinking--unable to think.
-Finally he slipped the brooch into his pocket and moved on.
-
- * * * * *
-
-He was trembling when he reached the door of Eldoria's hut. The
-footprints led straight up to the threshold and came to an end.
-Diffidently he touched the primitive knob, turned it and pushed the
-door open. He stepped inside and closed the door in the faces of the
-three Erinyes. The remembered anteroom seemed smaller and more sordid
-than the original, but he knew that it was really no different. He had
-remembered it accurately enough. It was he who was different, not the
-room.
-
-Opposite the door, Deirdre Yesterday sat immobile before the arras.
-Equally immobile, Blake Past sat facing her. Deirdre Yesterday's lips
-were parted in the midst of uttering a soundless word. The _Anabasis_
-lay open on her lap.
-
-Blake Present found it difficult to breathe. The difficulty stemmed
-from a physical as well as an emotional source. Someone was burning
-incense.
-
-He wiped his forehead. Then, bracing himself, he walked over to the
-arras, parted it and stepped into the inner room.
-
-The inner room was empty.
-
-A small notebook lay upon the dais among the scattered scarlet
-cushions. Near it was a faint depression in the foamy coverlet. Blake
-picked up the notebook. The first page contained a hastily written
-message:
-
- _Nate dearest, I've lost my nerve, and by the time you read this I
- shall have run away. Please forgive me for disobeying you. I wanted
- desperately to fulfill your wishes by going to New Earth and
- attending Trevor University, and now I shall, because sitting here
- in this little room I have faced at last the very real possibility
- that you really do not love me. I had hoped that by entering your
- mind and leading you back through our moments together to the
- moment when we met and by freezing that moment and letting you find
- me in this room, you would be shocked into associating me with
- Eldoria rather than with the naive little girl sitting outside the
- arras--with sex, rather than with saintliness; that I could bring
- you to understand that the little-girl image you have of me is as
- unrealistic as the father-image you have of yourself. But the
- passing moments have made me realize that all this while I have
- been deluding myself with false hopes and that I am merely
- hopelessly in love with a man who does not regard me as a woman at
- all, who--_
-
- * * * * *
-
-Here the message broke off as abruptly as it had begun. There was a
-mist before Blake's eyes, and he could not swallow. He bent down and
-felt the depression in the coverlet. It was still warm. There had been
-no footprints leading _away_ from the hut, he remembered.
-
-Straightening, he surveyed the golden tapestries that adorned the
-room's four walls. It was not at all difficult to pick out the one
-behind which she was standing. It was difficult, though, to go over and
-raise it. Her face was pale, and the khaki hiking suit she was wearing
-made it seem all the more so. She stepped out of her hiding place, and
-he let the tapestry fall into place behind her.
-
-She would not meet his eyes. "In another moment I would have been
-gone," she said. "Oh, Nate, why did you come so soon!"
-
-Suddenly the arras parted, and Smith stepped into the room. Without
-pausing, he advanced across the resilient carpet, shoved Blake aside
-and took Deirdre into his arms. He grasped her hair, pulled her head
-back and bent his evil face toward hers.
-
-Outraged, Blake seized the man's shoulder, spun him around and struck
-him in the mouth. Instantly his own mouth went numb, and he tasted
-blood.
-
-He knew who Smith was then.
-
-Glancing into Deirdre's eyes, he saw that she knew too, and realized
-that she had known all along.
-
-He had read of the personality-splits that sometimes occurred when
-there was an acute conflict between the Puritan and satyr, or the good
-and evil, components of the psyche. But never having previously run
-across a real-life example he had failed to tumble to the truth when he
-had entered Burns's birthplace cottage and seen Smith sitting at the
-table.
-
-When such splits occurred, the stronger component took over completely
-and the weaker component was exiled to the country of the mind. In
-Blake's case, the Puritan component had been the stronger, and the
-satyr component the weaker. Hence the latter had had to go. Smith,
-therefore, was but another aspect of himself--a flesh-and-blood alter
-ego who was overplaying his role in an attempt to force Blake into a
-response that would make the two of them one again.
-
-Knowing who Smith was supplied Blake with the answer to who Sabrina
-York was.
-
-Unconsciously he had been aware all along of Smith's presence in the
-English park image. When he discovered that Deirdre had entered his
-mind he had been so utterly horrified over the prospect of her running
-into his depraved alter ego that he had unconsciously concealed her
-presence from himself by supplying her with a fictitious identity. She
-had deliberately ransacked the little office and left her handkerchief
-behind in the process in order to apprise him of her whereabouts and to
-induce him to follow her, but he had rejected the initials "D. E." on
-her handkerchief and substituted the initials of the first name that
-came into his mind--Sabrina York. Next he had needed a logical reason
-to go after her and bring her back. His profession had supplied part of
-it, and his father-complex had supplied the other.
-
-In entering his mind instead of going to New Earth, Deirdre had
-disobeyed him and thus, after a fashion, had symbolically destroyed
-him. Hence "Sabrina York" had become the murderer of her father, and
-Blake had set out in pursuit of her in his capacity as a psycheye.
-Deirdre had been careful to leave a clear trail, and the reason she had
-dropped her brooch was to assure him that he was on the right track.
-
-Smith was wiping his mouth and grinning at the same time. Now he
-advanced upon the girl again. Twenty years fell from Blake's shoulders
-as he shoved the man aside. The column of Deirdre's neck was strong and
-shapely. Her breasts were in full and virginal bloom. _Who is she that
-looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and
-terrible as an army with banners?_ Hungrily Blake took her in his arms.
-
-When, a long time later, he released her, Smith had disappeared.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The three Erinyes were standing forlornly in the street when Blake and
-Deirdre left the hut. The hatred had vanished from their faces and they
-were looking at each other as though they had just lost their last
-friend. Certainly they had lost their _raison d'etre_. Blake sighed.
-Having created them, he was responsible for their welfare. Now that
-they were unemployed it was up to him to do something about it.
-
-Deirdre was regarding them with wide eyes. "Eumenides yet!" she gasped.
-"Oh, Nate, if you aren't the darndest!"
-
-Blushing, Blake took her arm and beckoned to the Erinyes to follow
-him. He led the way cross-country to the Walden Pond image. Thoreau
-was still sitting under the tall pine, gazing raptly up at the blurred
-bird. The sunlight was warm and benign. Blake almost wished he could
-remain there himself. He had always been partial to Walden Pond.
-
-He faced the three Erinyes.
-
-He left them planning their new way of life.
-
-Being human, he would probably have need of them again.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl in His Mind, by Robert F. Young
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