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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Whiskaboom - -Author: Alan Arkin - -Release Date: February 5, 2016 [EBook #51132] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="395" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Whiskaboom</h1> - -<p>By ALAN ARKIN</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DIEHL</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Science Fiction August 1955.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>Jack's blunder was disastrous, but what he<br /> -worried about was: would Einstein have approved?</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Dear Mr. Gretch:</p> - -<p>Mrs. Burroughs and I are sending your son Jack to you because we do not -know what else to do with him. As you can see, we can't keep him with -us in his present condition.</p> - -<p>Also, Jack owes us two weeks rent and, since Mrs. Burroughs and I are -retired, we would appreciate your sending the money. It has been a dry -year and our garden has done poorly.</p> - -<p>The only reason we put up with your son in the first place was because -we are so hard-pressed.</p> - -<p>He saw the sign on the porch, rang the bell and paid Mrs. Burroughs a -month's rent without even looking at the room. Then he ran out to his -car and commenced pulling out suitcases and boxes and dragging them -upstairs.</p> - -<p>After the third trip, Mrs. Burroughs saw he was having trouble with -the stuff and he looked kind of worn out, so she offered to help.</p> - -<p>He gave her a hard look, as she described it to me when I got home. He -said, "I don't want anyone touching anything. Please don't interfere."</p> - -<p>"I didn't mean to interfere," my wife told him. "I only wanted to help."</p> - -<p>"I don't want any help," he said quietly, but with a wild look in his -eye, and he staggered upstairs with the last of his baggage and locked -the door.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When I got home, Mrs. Burroughs told me she thought I ought to take -a look at the new boarder. I went up, thinking we'd have a little -chat and straighten things out. I could hear him inside, hammering on -something.</p> - -<p>He didn't hear my first knock or the second. I got sore and nearly -banged the door down, at which time he decided to open up.</p> - -<p>I charged in, ready to fight a bear. And there was this skinny -red-headed son of yours glaring at me.</p> - -<p>"That's a lot of hammering you're doing, son," I said.</p> - -<p>"That's the only way I can get these boxes open, and don't call me son."</p> - -<p>"I don't like to disturb you, Mr. Gretch, but Mrs. Burroughs is a -little upset over the way you acted today. I think you ought to come -down for a cup of tea and get acquainted."</p> - -<p>"I know I was rude," he said, looking a little ashamed, "but I have -waited for years for a chance to get to work on my own, with no -interference. I'll come down tomorrow, when I have got my equipment set -up, and apologize to Mrs. Burroughs then."</p> - -<p>I asked him what he was working on, but he said he would explain later. -Before I got out of the door, he was hammering again. He worked till -after midnight.</p> - -<p>We saw Jack at mealtimes for the next few days, but he didn't talk -much. We learned that he was twenty-six, in spite of his looking like a -boy in his teens, that he thought Prof. Einstein the greatest man ever, -and that he disliked being called son. Of his experiment, he didn't -have much to say then. He saw Mrs. Burroughs was a little nervous about -his experimenting in the guest room and he assured her it was not -dangerous.</p> - -<p>Before the week was out, we started hearing the noises. The first one -was like a wire brush going around a barrel. It went <i>whisk, whisk</i>. -Then he rigged up something that went <i>skaboom</i> every few seconds, like -a loud heartbeat. Once in a while, he got in a sound like a creaky -well pump, but mostly it was <i>skaboom</i> and <i>whisk</i>, which eventually -settled down to a steady rhythm, <i>whiskaboom, whiskaboom</i>.</p> - -<p>It was kind of pleasant.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Neither of us saw him for two days. The noises kept going on. Mrs. -Burroughs was alarmed because he did not answer her knock at mealtimes, -and one morning she charged upstairs and hollered at him through the -door.</p> - -<p>"You stop your nonsense this minute and come down to breakfast!"</p> - -<p>"I'm not hungry," he called back.</p> - -<p>"You open this door!" she ordered and, by George, he did. "Your -<i>whiskaboom</i> or whatever it is will keep till after breakfast."</p> - -<p>He sat at the table, but he was a tired boy. He had a cold, his eyelids -kept batting, and I don't believe he could have lifted his coffee cup. -He tried to look awake, and then over he went with his face in the -oatmeal.</p> - -<p>Mrs. Burroughs ran for the ammonia, but he was out cold, so we wiped -the oatmeal off his face and carried him upstairs.</p> - -<p>My wife rubbed Jack's wrists with garlic and put wet towels on his -face, and presently he came to. He looked wildly about the room at his -machinery. It was all there, and strange-looking stuff, too.</p> - -<p>"Please go away," he begged. "I've got work to do."</p> - -<p>Mrs. Burroughs helped him blow his nose. "There'll be no work for you, -sonny. Not until you're well. We'll take care of you." He didn't seem -to mind being called sonny.</p> - -<p>He was sick for a week and we tended him like one of our own. We got to -know him pretty well. And we also got to know you.</p> - -<p>Now, Mr. Gretch, whatever you are doing in your laboratory is your own -business. You could be making atomic disintegrators, for all Jack told -us. But he does not like or approve of it and he told us about your -running battle with him to keep him working on your project instead of -his own.</p> - -<p>Jack tried to explain his ideas for harnessing time and what he called -"the re-integration principle." It was all so much <i>whiskaboom</i> to us, -so to speak, but he claimed it was for the good of mankind, which was -fine with us.</p> - -<p>But he said you would not let him work it out because there was less -money in it than in your project, and this is why he had to get away -and work and worry himself into a collapse.</p> - -<p>When he got well, Mrs. Burroughs told him, "From now on, you're going -to have three meals a day and eight hours sleep, and in between you can -play on your <i>whiskaboom</i> all you please."</p> - -<p>The <i>whiskabooming</i> became as familiar to us as our own voices.</p> - -<p>Last Sunday, Mrs. Burroughs and I came home from church, about noon. -She went inside through the front door to fix dinner. I walked around -the house to look at the garden. And the moment I walked past the front -of the house, I got the shock of my life.</p> - -<p>The house disappeared!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I was too surprised to stop walking, and a step later I was standing at -the back of the house, and it was all there. I took a step back and the -whole house vanished again. One more step and I was at the front.</p> - -<p>It looked like a real house in front and in back, but there wasn't any -in-between. It was like one of those false-front saloons on a movie -lot, but thinner.</p> - -<p>I thought of my wife, who had gone into the kitchen and, for all I -knew, was as thin as the house, and I went charging in the back door, -yelling.</p> - -<p>"Are you all right?"</p> - -<p>"Of course I'm all right," she said. "What's the matter with you?"</p> - -<p>I grabbed her and she was all there, thank heavens. She giggled and -called me an old fool, but I dragged her outside and showed her what -had happened to our house.</p> - -<p>She saw it, too, so I knew I didn't have sunstroke, but she couldn't -understand it any better than I.</p> - -<p>Right about then, I detected a prominent absence of <i>whiskabooming</i>. -"Jack!" I hollered, and we hurried back into the house and upstairs.</p> - -<p>Well, Mr. Gretch, it was so pitiful, I can't describe it. He was there, -but I never saw a more miserable human being. He was not only thin but -also flat, like a cartoon of a man who had been steamrollered. He was -lying on the bed, holding onto the covers, with no more substance to -him than a thin piece of paper. Less.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Mrs. Burroughs took one of his shoulders between her thumb and -forefinger, and I took the other, and we held him up. There was a -breeze coming through the window and Jack—well, he waved in the breeze.</p> - -<p>We closed the window and laid him down again and he tried to explain -what had happened. "Professor Einstein wouldn't have liked this!" he -moaned. "Something went wrong," he cried, shuddering.</p> - -<p>He went on gasping and mumbling, and we gathered that he had hooked up -a circuit the wrong way. "I didn't harness the fourth—I chopped off -the third dimension! Einstein wouldn't have approved!"</p> - -<p>He was relieved to learn that the damage had been confined to himself -and the house, so far as we knew. Like the house, Jack had insides, but -we don't know where they are. We poured tea down him, and he can eat, -after a fashion, but there never is a sign of a lump anywhere.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>That night, we pinned him to the bed with clothespins so he wouldn't -blow off the bed. Next morning, we rigged a line and pinned him to it -so he could sit up.</p> - -<p>"I know what to do," he said, "but I would have to go back to the lab. -Dad would have to let me have his staff and all sorts of equipment. And -he won't do it."</p> - -<p>"If he thinks more of his money than he does of his own son," Mrs. -Burroughs said, "then he's an unnatural father."</p> - -<p>But Jack made us promise not to get in touch with you.</p> - -<p>Still, people are beginning to talk. The man from the electric company -couldn't find the meter yesterday, because it is attached to the middle -of the outside wall and has vanished.</p> - -<p>Mr. Gretch, we are parents and we feel that you will not hesitate a -moment to do whatever is necessary to get Jack back into shape. So, -despite our promise, we are sending Jack to you by registered parcel -post, air mail. He doesn't mind the cardboard mailing tube he is rolled -up in as he has been sleeping in it, finding it more comfortable than -being pinned to the sheets.</p> - -<p>Jack is a fine boy, sir, and we hope to hear soon that he is back to -normal and doing the work he wants to do.</p> - -<p class="ph4">Very truly yours,<br /> -W. Burroughs</p> - -<p>P.S. When Jack figures out the re-integration principle, we would -appreciate his fixing our house. We get along as usual, but it makes us -nervous to live in a house that, strictly speaking, has no insides. W.B.</p> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Whiskaboom, by Alan Arkin - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM *** - -***** This file should be named 51132-h.htm or 51132-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/3/51132/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Whiskaboom - -Author: Alan Arkin - -Release Date: February 5, 2016 [EBook #51132] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Whiskaboom - - By ALAN ARKIN - - Illustrated by DIEHL - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Science Fiction August 1955. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - Jack's blunder was disastrous, but what he - worried about was: would Einstein have approved? - - - - -Dear Mr. Gretch: - -Mrs. Burroughs and I are sending your son Jack to you because we do not -know what else to do with him. As you can see, we can't keep him with -us in his present condition. - -Also, Jack owes us two weeks rent and, since Mrs. Burroughs and I are -retired, we would appreciate your sending the money. It has been a dry -year and our garden has done poorly. - -The only reason we put up with your son in the first place was because -we are so hard-pressed. - -He saw the sign on the porch, rang the bell and paid Mrs. Burroughs a -month's rent without even looking at the room. Then he ran out to his -car and commenced pulling out suitcases and boxes and dragging them -upstairs. - -After the third trip, Mrs. Burroughs saw he was having trouble with -the stuff and he looked kind of worn out, so she offered to help. - -He gave her a hard look, as she described it to me when I got home. He -said, "I don't want anyone touching anything. Please don't interfere." - -"I didn't mean to interfere," my wife told him. "I only wanted to help." - -"I don't want any help," he said quietly, but with a wild look in his -eye, and he staggered upstairs with the last of his baggage and locked -the door. - - * * * * * - -When I got home, Mrs. Burroughs told me she thought I ought to take -a look at the new boarder. I went up, thinking we'd have a little -chat and straighten things out. I could hear him inside, hammering on -something. - -He didn't hear my first knock or the second. I got sore and nearly -banged the door down, at which time he decided to open up. - -I charged in, ready to fight a bear. And there was this skinny -red-headed son of yours glaring at me. - -"That's a lot of hammering you're doing, son," I said. - -"That's the only way I can get these boxes open, and don't call me son." - -"I don't like to disturb you, Mr. Gretch, but Mrs. Burroughs is a -little upset over the way you acted today. I think you ought to come -down for a cup of tea and get acquainted." - -"I know I was rude," he said, looking a little ashamed, "but I have -waited for years for a chance to get to work on my own, with no -interference. I'll come down tomorrow, when I have got my equipment set -up, and apologize to Mrs. Burroughs then." - -I asked him what he was working on, but he said he would explain later. -Before I got out of the door, he was hammering again. He worked till -after midnight. - -We saw Jack at mealtimes for the next few days, but he didn't talk -much. We learned that he was twenty-six, in spite of his looking like a -boy in his teens, that he thought Prof. Einstein the greatest man ever, -and that he disliked being called son. Of his experiment, he didn't -have much to say then. He saw Mrs. Burroughs was a little nervous about -his experimenting in the guest room and he assured her it was not -dangerous. - -Before the week was out, we started hearing the noises. The first one -was like a wire brush going around a barrel. It went _whisk, whisk_. -Then he rigged up something that went _skaboom_ every few seconds, like -a loud heartbeat. Once in a while, he got in a sound like a creaky -well pump, but mostly it was _skaboom_ and _whisk_, which eventually -settled down to a steady rhythm, _whiskaboom, whiskaboom_. - -It was kind of pleasant. - - * * * * * - -Neither of us saw him for two days. The noises kept going on. Mrs. -Burroughs was alarmed because he did not answer her knock at mealtimes, -and one morning she charged upstairs and hollered at him through the -door. - -"You stop your nonsense this minute and come down to breakfast!" - -"I'm not hungry," he called back. - -"You open this door!" she ordered and, by George, he did. "Your -_whiskaboom_ or whatever it is will keep till after breakfast." - -He sat at the table, but he was a tired boy. He had a cold, his eyelids -kept batting, and I don't believe he could have lifted his coffee cup. -He tried to look awake, and then over he went with his face in the -oatmeal. - -Mrs. Burroughs ran for the ammonia, but he was out cold, so we wiped -the oatmeal off his face and carried him upstairs. - -My wife rubbed Jack's wrists with garlic and put wet towels on his -face, and presently he came to. He looked wildly about the room at his -machinery. It was all there, and strange-looking stuff, too. - -"Please go away," he begged. "I've got work to do." - -Mrs. Burroughs helped him blow his nose. "There'll be no work for you, -sonny. Not until you're well. We'll take care of you." He didn't seem -to mind being called sonny. - -He was sick for a week and we tended him like one of our own. We got to -know him pretty well. And we also got to know you. - -Now, Mr. Gretch, whatever you are doing in your laboratory is your own -business. You could be making atomic disintegrators, for all Jack told -us. But he does not like or approve of it and he told us about your -running battle with him to keep him working on your project instead of -his own. - -Jack tried to explain his ideas for harnessing time and what he called -"the re-integration principle." It was all so much _whiskaboom_ to us, -so to speak, but he claimed it was for the good of mankind, which was -fine with us. - -But he said you would not let him work it out because there was less -money in it than in your project, and this is why he had to get away -and work and worry himself into a collapse. - -When he got well, Mrs. Burroughs told him, "From now on, you're going -to have three meals a day and eight hours sleep, and in between you can -play on your _whiskaboom_ all you please." - -The _whiskabooming_ became as familiar to us as our own voices. - -Last Sunday, Mrs. Burroughs and I came home from church, about noon. -She went inside through the front door to fix dinner. I walked around -the house to look at the garden. And the moment I walked past the front -of the house, I got the shock of my life. - -The house disappeared! - - * * * * * - -I was too surprised to stop walking, and a step later I was standing at -the back of the house, and it was all there. I took a step back and the -whole house vanished again. One more step and I was at the front. - -It looked like a real house in front and in back, but there wasn't any -in-between. It was like one of those false-front saloons on a movie -lot, but thinner. - -I thought of my wife, who had gone into the kitchen and, for all I -knew, was as thin as the house, and I went charging in the back door, -yelling. - -"Are you all right?" - -"Of course I'm all right," she said. "What's the matter with you?" - -I grabbed her and she was all there, thank heavens. She giggled and -called me an old fool, but I dragged her outside and showed her what -had happened to our house. - -She saw it, too, so I knew I didn't have sunstroke, but she couldn't -understand it any better than I. - -Right about then, I detected a prominent absence of _whiskabooming_. -"Jack!" I hollered, and we hurried back into the house and upstairs. - -Well, Mr. Gretch, it was so pitiful, I can't describe it. He was there, -but I never saw a more miserable human being. He was not only thin but -also flat, like a cartoon of a man who had been steamrollered. He was -lying on the bed, holding onto the covers, with no more substance to -him than a thin piece of paper. Less. - -Mrs. Burroughs took one of his shoulders between her thumb and -forefinger, and I took the other, and we held him up. There was a -breeze coming through the window and Jack--well, he waved in the breeze. - -We closed the window and laid him down again and he tried to explain -what had happened. "Professor Einstein wouldn't have liked this!" he -moaned. "Something went wrong," he cried, shuddering. - -He went on gasping and mumbling, and we gathered that he had hooked up -a circuit the wrong way. "I didn't harness the fourth--I chopped off -the third dimension! Einstein wouldn't have approved!" - -He was relieved to learn that the damage had been confined to himself -and the house, so far as we knew. Like the house, Jack had insides, but -we don't know where they are. We poured tea down him, and he can eat, -after a fashion, but there never is a sign of a lump anywhere. - - * * * * * - -That night, we pinned him to the bed with clothespins so he wouldn't -blow off the bed. Next morning, we rigged a line and pinned him to it -so he could sit up. - -"I know what to do," he said, "but I would have to go back to the lab. -Dad would have to let me have his staff and all sorts of equipment. And -he won't do it." - -"If he thinks more of his money than he does of his own son," Mrs. -Burroughs said, "then he's an unnatural father." - -But Jack made us promise not to get in touch with you. - -Still, people are beginning to talk. The man from the electric company -couldn't find the meter yesterday, because it is attached to the middle -of the outside wall and has vanished. - -Mr. Gretch, we are parents and we feel that you will not hesitate a -moment to do whatever is necessary to get Jack back into shape. So, -despite our promise, we are sending Jack to you by registered parcel -post, air mail. He doesn't mind the cardboard mailing tube he is rolled -up in as he has been sleeping in it, finding it more comfortable than -being pinned to the sheets. - -Jack is a fine boy, sir, and we hope to hear soon that he is back to -normal and doing the work he wants to do. - -Very truly yours, - -W. Burroughs - -P.S. When Jack figures out the re-integration principle, we would -appreciate his fixing our house. We get along as usual, but it makes us -nervous to live in a house that, strictly speaking, has no insides. W.B. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Whiskaboom, by Alan Arkin - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM *** - -***** This file should be named 51132.txt or 51132.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/3/51132/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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