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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
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+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #50735 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/50735)
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Too Fat to Fight, by Rex Beach
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: Too Fat to Fight
-
-Author: Rex Beach
-
-Illustrator: T. D. Skidmore
-
-Release Date: December 21, 2015 [EBook #50735]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TOO FAT TO FIGHT ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Shaun Pinder and the Online Distributed
-Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-produced from images generously made available by The
-Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
- TOO FAT TO FIGHT
-
- [Illustration]
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- BOOKS BY
-
- REX BEACH
-
-
- THE WINDS OF CHANCE
- LAUGHING BILL HYDE
- RAINBOW’S END
- THE CRIMSON GARDENIA AND OTHER
- TALES OF ADVENTURE
- HEART OF THE SUNSET
- THE AUCTION BLOCK
- THE IRON TRAIL
- THE NET
- THE NE’ER-DO-WELL
- THE SPOILERS
- THE BARRIER
- THE SILVER HORDE
- GOING SOME
-
- -------
-
- HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK
- [ESTABLISHED 1817]
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration: “PLATTSBURG. ONE WAY”]
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- TOO FAT
- TO FIGHT
-
- _By_
- REX BEACH
-
- _Author of_
- “THE WINDS OF CHANCE” ETC.
-
- _with Illustrations by_
- T. D. SKIDMORE
-
- [Illustration]
-
- Harper & Brothers Publishers
- New York and London
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- TOO FAT TO FIGHT
-
- Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers
- Printed in the United States of America
- Published January, 1919
-
- A-T
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- CONTENTS
-
-
- CHAP. PAGE
-
- I. “PLATTSBURG. ONE WAY” 11
-
- II. DIMPLES TRIES THE Y. M. C. A. 22
-
- III. “ONE MAN TO EVERY TEN!” 39
-
- IV. HILL TWO EIGHTY-FIVE 43
-
- V. DIMPLES TAKES PART IN A CEREMONY 47
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- ILLUSTRATIONS
-
-
- “PLATTSBURG. ONE WAY” _Frontispiece_
-
- OCCASIONALLY HE ORDERED HIS FAVORITE DISH,
- CORN-STARCH PUDDING _Facing p._ 24
-
- HE HAD GAINED A POUND! “ 28
-
- A ROTUND, MIRTH-PROVOKING SPECTACLE IN HIS
- BULGING UNIFORM, WITH HIS TINY OVERSEAS
- CAP SET ABOVE HIS ROUND, RED FACE LIKE
- THE CALYX OF A HUGE RIPE BERRY “ 42
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- TOO FAT TO FIGHT
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- TOO FAT TO FIGHT
-
-
- CHAPTER I
-
- “_Plattsburg. One Way._”
-
-
-“Plattsburg. One way,” Norman Dalrymple told the ticket-agent. He named
-his destination more loudly, more proudly than necessary, and he was
-gratified when the man next in line eyed him with sudden interest.
-
-Having pocketed his ticket, Dalrymple noted, by his smart new
-wrist-watch with the luminous dial, that there was still twenty minutes
-before train-time. Twenty minutes—and Shipp had a vicious habit of
-catching trains by their coat-tails—a habit doubly nerve-racking to one
-of Dalrymple’s ponderous weight and deliberate disposition. That
-afforded ample leeway for a farewell rickey at the Belmont or the
-Manhattan; it was altogether too long a time to stand around. Mr.
-Dalrymple—his friends called him “Dimples”—had long since concluded that
-standing was an unnatural posture for human beings, and with every pound
-he took on there came a keener appreciation of chairs, benches, couches,
-divans—anything and everything of that restful pattern except hammocks.
-Hammocks he distrusted and despised, for they had a way of breaking with
-the sound of gun-shots and causing him much discomfiture.
-
-Next to standing, Dimples abhorred walking, for the truth is he shook
-when he walked. Therefore he chose the Belmont, that haven of rest being
-close at hand; but ere he had gained the street his eye was challenged
-by a sight that never failed to arrest his attention. It was the open
-door of an eating-place—the station restaurant—with idle waiters and
-spotless napery within. Now, drink was a friend, but food was an
-intimate companion of whom Dimples never tired. Why people drank in
-order to be convivial or to pass an idle quarter of an hour, the while
-there were sweets and pastries as easily accessible, had always been a
-mystery to him. Like a homing pigeon, he made for this place of
-refreshment.
-
-Overflowing heavily into a chair, he wiped his full-moon face and
-ordered a corn-starch pudding, an insatiable fondness for which was his
-consuming vice.
-
-As usual, Shipp made the train with a three-second factor of safety in
-his favor, and, recognizing the imposing bulk of his traveling
-companion, greeted him with a hearty:
-
-“Hello, Dimples! I knew you’d come.”
-
-When they had settled themselves in their compartment Dalrymple panted,
-breathlessly:
-
-“Gee! How I hate people who paw at departing trains.”
-
-“I made it, didn’t I? You’re getting fat and slow—that’s what ails you.
-A fine figure of an athlete you are! Why, you’re laying on blubber by
-the day! You’re swelled up like a dead horse.”
-
-“I know,” Dimples nodded mournfully. “I’ve tried to reduce, but I know
-too many nice people, and they all have good _chefs_.”
-
-“Boozing some, too, I suppose?”
-
-“Oh, sure! And I love candy.”
-
-“They’ll take you down at Plattsburg. Say! It’s great, isn’t it? War!
-The real thing!” Shipp’s eyes were sparkling. “Of course it came hard to
-give up the wife and the baby, but—somebody has to go.”
-
-“Right! And we’re the ones, because we can afford it. I never knew how
-good it is to be rich and idle—did you? But think of the poor devils who
-want to go and can’t—dependents, and all that. It’s tough on them.”
-
-The other agreed silently; then, with a smile, he said:
-
-“If they’re looking for officer material at Plattsburg, as they say they
-are, why, you’ve got enough for about three. They’ll probably cube your
-contents and start you off as a colonel.”
-
-Dimples’s round, good-natured face had become serious; there was a
-suggestion of strength, determination, to the set of his jaw when he
-spoke.
-
-“Thank God, we’re in at last! I’ve been boiling ever since the Huns took
-Belgium. I don’t care much for children, because most of them laugh at
-me, but—I can’t stand to see them butchered.”
-
-Plattsburg was a revelation to the two men. They were amazed by the
-grim, business-like character of the place; it looked thoroughly
-military and efficient, despite the flood of young fellows in civilian
-clothes arriving by every train; it aroused their pride to note how many
-of their friends and acquaintances were among the number. But, for that
-matter, the best blood of the nation had responded. Deeply impressed,
-genuinely thrilled, Shipp and Dalrymple made ready for their physical
-examinations.
-
-Dimples was conscious of a jealous twinge at the sight of his former
-team-mate’s massive bare shoulders and slim waist; Shipp looked as fit
-to-day as when he had made the All-American. As for himself, Dimples had
-never noticed how much he resembled a gigantic Georgia watermelon. It
-was indeed time he put an end to easy living. Well, army diet, army
-exercise would bring him back, for he well knew that there were muscles
-buried deep beneath his fat.
-
-“Step lively!” It was an overworked medical examiner speaking, and
-Dimples moved forward; the line behind him closed up. As he stepped upon
-the scales the beam flew up; so did the head of the man who manipulated
-the counter-balance.
-
-“Hey! One at a time!” the latter cried. Then with a grin he inquired,
-“Who’s with you?” He pretended to look back of Dimples as if in search
-of a companion, after which he added another weight and finally
-announced, in some awe:
-
-“Two eighty-five—unless I’m seeing double.”
-
-“‘_Two eighty-five!_’” The chief examiner started, then to Dalrymple he
-said: “Step aside, sir. Fall out.”
-
-“What’s the idea?” Dimples inquired, with a rose-pink flush of
-embarrassment.
-
-“You’re overweight. Next!”
-
-“Why, sure I’m overweight; but what’s the difference?”
-
-“All the difference in the world, sir. We can’t pass you. Please don’t
-argue. We have more work than we can attend to.”
-
-Shipp turned back to explain.
-
-“This is Norman Dalrymple, one of the best tackles we ever had at
-Harvard. He’s as sound as a dollar and stronger than a bridge. He’ll
-come down—”
-
-“I’m sorry; but there’s nothing we can do. Regulations, you know.”
-
-“Sure!” The man at the scales was speaking. “Two eighty-five isn’t a
-weight; it’s a telephone number.”
-
-Dalrymple inquired, blankly:
-
-“Do you mean to say I can’t get in? Why, that’s too absurd! I _must_ get
-in! Can’t you fix it somehow?”
-
-“You’re holding up the others. Won’t you please step aside?”
-
-Shipp drew the giant out of line and said, quietly:
-
-“Don’t argue. Get into your duds and wait for me. It will be all right.
-We know everybody; we’ll square it.”
-
-But it was not all right. Nor could it be made all right. Weary hours of
-endeavor failed in any way to square matters, and the two friends were
-finally forced to acknowledge that here was an instance where wealth,
-influence, the magic of a famous name, went for naught. They were told
-politely but firmly that Norman Dalrymple, in his present state of
-unpreparedness, could not take the officers’ intensive-training course.
-Dimples was mortified, humiliated; Shipp felt the disappointment quite
-as keenly.
-
-“That’s the toughest luck I ever heard of,” the latter acknowledged.
-“You’ll have to reduce, that’s all.”
-
-But Dimples was in despair.
-
-“It’s healthy fat; it will take longer to run it off than to run the
-Germans out of France. The war will be over before I can do it. I want
-to get in _now_. Too fat to fight! Good Lord!” he groaned. “Why, I told
-everybody I was going in, and I cut all my ties. Now to be _rejected!_”
-After a time he continued: “It knocks a fellow out to reduce so much. If
-I managed to sweat it off in a hurry, I’d never be able to pass my
-physical. That sort of thing takes _months_.”
-
-Shipp silently agreed that there was some truth in this statement.
-
-“Tough? It’s a disgrace. I—I have _some_ pride. I feel the way I did
-when I lost our big game. You remember I fumbled and let Yale through
-for the winning goal. I went back to the dressing-room, rolled up in a
-blanket, and cried like a baby. You and the other fellows were mighty
-decent; you told me to forget it. But I couldn’t. I’ve never forgotten
-it, and I never shall.”
-
-“Pshaw! You made good later.”
-
-“I fell down when it was my ball. It’s my ball now, Shipp, and I’ve
-fallen down again. I’ve led a pretty easy, useless life, these late
-years, but—I feel this thing in Europe more than I thought I could feel
-anything. I’ve contributed here and there, let my man go, and economized
-generally. I’ve adopted whole litters of French orphans, and equipped
-ambulance units, and done all the usual things the nice people are
-doing, but I was out of the game, and I wanted—Lord! how I wanted to be
-in it! When we declared war, I yelled! I went crazy. And then along came
-your wire to join you in this Plattsburg course. Good old Shipp! I knew
-you’d get on the job, and it raised a lump in my throat to realize that
-you were sure of me. I—was never so happy”—the speaker choked
-briefly—“as while waiting for the day to arrive. Now I’ve fumbled the
-pass. I’m on the sidelines.”
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER II
-
- _Dimples Tries the Y. M. C. A._
-
-
-Norman Dalrymple did not return home, nor did he notify his family of
-his rejection. Instead, he went back to New York, took a room at the
-quietest of his numerous clubs, engaged a trainer, and went on a diet.
-He minded neither of the latter very greatly for the first few days, but
-in time he learned to abhor both.
-
-He shunned his friends; he avoided the club café as he would have
-avoided a dragon’s cave. The sight of a push-button became a temptation
-and a trial. Every morning he wrapped himself up like a sore thumb and
-ambled round the Park reservoir with his pores streaming; every
-afternoon he chased his elusive trainer round a gymnasium, striving to
-pin the man’s hateful features, and never quite succeeding. Evenings he
-spent in a Turkish bath, striving to attain the boiling-point and
-failing by the fraction of a degree. He acquired a terrifying thirst—a
-monstrous, maniac thirst which gallons of water would not quench.
-
-Ten days of this and he had lost three pounds. He had dwindled away to a
-mere two hundred and eighty-two, and was faintly cheered.
-
-But he possessed a sweet tooth—a double row of them—and he dreamed of
-things fattening to eat. One dream in particular tried the strongest
-fiber of his being. It was of wallowing through a No Man’s Land of
-blanc-mange with shell-craters filled with cream. Frozen
-desserts—ice-cold custards! He trembled weakly when he thought of them,
-which was almost constantly. Occasionally, when the craving became
-utterly unbearable, he skulked guiltily into a restaurant and ordered
-his favorite dish, corn-starch pudding.
-
-[Illustration: OCCASIONALLY HE ORDERED HIS FAVORITE DISH, CORN-STARCH
-PUDDING]
-
-At the end of three weeks he was bleached; his face was drawn and
-miserable; he looked forth from eyes like those of a Saint Bernard. He
-had gained a pound!
-
-[Illustration: HE HAD GAINED A POUND!]
-
-Human nature could stand no more. Listlessly he wandered into the club
-café and there came under the notice of a friend. It was no more
-possible for Dimples to enter a room unobserved than for the _Leviathan_
-to slip unobtrusively into port. The friend stared in amazement, then
-exclaimed:
-
-“Why, Norm! You look sick.”
-
-“‘Sick?’” the big fellow echoed. “I’m not sick; I’m dying.” And, since
-it was good to share his burden, he related what had happened to him.
-“Turned me down; wouldn’t give me a chance,” he concluded. “When I
-strained the scales, they wanted to know who I had in my lap. I’ve been
-banting lately, but I gain weight at it. It agrees with me. Meanwhile,
-Shipp and the others are in uniform.” Dimples bowed his head in his
-huge, plump hands. “Think of it! Why, I’d give a leg to be in olive drab
-and wear metal letters on my collar! ‘Sick?’ Good Lord!”
-
-“I know,” the friend nodded. “I’m too old to go across, but I’m off for
-Washington Monday. A dollar a year. I’ve been drawing fifty thousand, by
-the way.”
-
-“I’m out of that, too,” Dimples sighed. “Don’t know enough—never did
-anything useful. But I could fight, if they’d let me.” He raised his
-broad face and his eyes were glowing. “I’m fat, but I could fight. I
-could keep the fellows on their toes and make ’em hit the line. If—if
-they built ships bigger, I’d stowaway.”
-
-“See here—” The speaker had a sudden thought. “Why don’t you try the Y?”
-
-“‘The Y?’ Yale?”
-
-“No, no. The Y. M. C. A.”
-
-“Oh, _that_! I’ve hired a whole gymnasium of my own where I can swear
-out loud.”
-
-“The Y. M. C. A. is sending men overseas.”
-
-“I’m not cut out for a chaplain.”
-
-“They’re sending them over to cheer up the boys, to keep them amused and
-entertained, to run huts—”
-
-Dalrymple straightened himself slowly.
-
-“I know; but I thought they were all pulpit-pounders.”
-
-“Nothing of the sort! They’re regular fellows, like us. They manage
-canteens and sell the things our boys can’t get. They don’t let them
-grow homesick; they make them play games and take care of themselves and
-realize that they’re not forgotten. Some of them get right up front and
-carry hot soup and smokes into the trenches.”
-
-“Me for that!” Dimples was rising majestically. “I could carry soup—more
-soup than any man living. The trenches might be a little snug for me
-round the waist, but I’d be careful not to bulge them. Cheer up the
-boys! Make ’em laugh! Say—that would help, wouldn’t it?” He hesitated;
-then, a bit wistfully, he inquired, “The Y fellows wear—uniforms, too,
-don’t they?”
-
-“Well, rather. You can hardly tell them from the army.”
-
-In Dalrymple’s voice, when he spoke, there was an earnestness, a depth
-of feeling, that his hearer had never suspected.
-
-“Uniforms mean a lot to me lately. Every time I see a doughboy I want to
-stand at attention and throw out my chest and draw in my stomach—as far
-as I can. There’s something sacred about that olive drab. It’s like your
-mother’s wedding-dress, only holier, and decenter, if possible. Somehow,
-it seems to stand for everything clean and honorable and unselfish. The
-other day I saw the old Forty-first marching down to entrain, and I
-yelled and cried and kissed an old lady. Those swinging arms, those
-rifles aslant, those leggings flashing, and that sea of khaki rising,
-falling—Gee! There’s something about it. These are great times for the
-fellows who aren’t too old or too fat to fight.”
-
-“Those Y men fight, in their way, just as hard as the other boys, and
-they don’t get half as much sleep or half as much attention. Nobody
-makes a fuss over them.”
-
-Dimples waited to hear no more. The Y. M. C. A.! He had not realized the
-sort of work it was doing. But to keep the boys fit to fight! That was
-almost as good as being one of them. And he could do it—better than
-anybody. As his taxicab sped across town he leaned back with a sigh of
-contentment; for the first time in days he smiled. The Y. M. C. A. would
-have no scales! To the boys at the front a fat man might be funnier even
-than a skinny one. He was mighty glad he had heard of the Y in time. And
-it would be glad he had, for his name was worth a lot to any
-organization. No more dry bread and spinach—_Gott strafe_ spinach! How
-he hated it! No more exercise, either; he would break training instantly
-and tell that high-priced reducer what he really thought of him. Useful
-work, work to win the war, was one thing, but this loathsome process of
-trying out abdominal lard—ugh! He decided to dine like a self-respecting
-white man that very night, and to deny himself nothing. The club _chef_
-made a most wonderful corn-starch pudding, indescribably delicious and
-frightfully fattening. At the mere thought, an eager, predatory look
-came into Dimples’s eyes. He would go overseas without delay; he would
-be in France doing his bit while Shipp and the others were still
-rehearsing their little tricks and learning to shout, “Forward, ouch!”
-Of course those fellows would win commissions—they were welcome to the
-glory—but meanwhile he would be right down in the dirt and the slime
-with the boys in leggings, cheering them up, calling them “Bill” and
-“Joe,” sharing their big and their little troubles, and putting the pep
-into them. That’s what they needed, that’s what the world needed—pep! It
-would win the war.
-
-Dalrymple was surprised when he entered the Y. M. C. A. quarters to find
-them busy and crowded. He sent in his card, then seated himself at the
-end of a line of waiting men. He wondered if, by any chance, they could
-be applicants like himself, and his complacency vanished when he learned
-that they could be—that, indeed, they were. His surprise deepened when
-he saw that in no wise did they resemble psalm-shouters and
-Testament-worms such as he had expected, but that, on the contrary, they
-looked like ordinary, capable business and professional men.
-
-Dimples wondered if this were, after all, a competitive service. He
-broke into a gentle, apprehensive perspiration.
-
-His name was called finally; he rose and followed a boy into a room
-where several men were seated at a table. Two of them were elderly,
-typical; they wore various unbecoming arrangements of white whiskers,
-and one glance told Dimples that they knew a lot about God. One of the
-others resembled a judge, and he it was who spoke first.
-
-“You wish to go to France for the Y. M. C. A.?” the latter inquired.
-
-“Yes, sir. They wouldn’t let me in at Plattsburg. I’m too fat, or the
-camp is too small. I’d very much like to go overseas.”
-
-“It is hardly necessary to ask if you have had experience in promoting
-social entertainments and recreations.”
-
-The speaker smiled. Dimples’s face broke into an answering grin.
-
-“‘Entertainments!’ ‘Recreations!’ They are my stock in trade. I’m an
-authority on all kinds of both; that’s what ails me.”
-
-Another member of the board inquired:
-
-“Are you a temperate man, Mr. Dalrymple?”
-
-“Oh no!” Dimples shook his head. “Not at all.”
-
-“What sort of—er—beverages do you drink?”
-
-“What have you got?” the young giant blithely asked. Noting that his
-comedy met with no mirthful response, he explained more seriously: “Why,
-I drink practically everything. I have no particular favorites. I dare
-say it’s against your rules, so I’ll taper off if you say so. I’d take
-the Keeley to get across. Of course I make friends easier when I’m
-moderately lit—anybody does. I’m extraordinarily cheerful when I’m that
-way. You’ve no idea how—”
-
-“Surely you understand that we tolerate no drinking whatever?”
-
-“No, sir; I didn’t fully understand. I know several Christian young men
-who drink—more or less. However, that’s all right with me. I’ve never
-tried to quit drinking, so I’m sure I can.”
-
-“Are you familiar with the character and the aims of the Young Men’s
-Christian Association?” One of the white-bearded gentlemen put this
-question.
-
-“In a general way only. I knew you had a gym and a swimming-tank and ran
-some sort of a Sunday-school. It never appealed to me, personally, until
-I heard about this work you’re doing in France. That’s my size. That
-fits me like a pair of tights.”
-
-“Do you play cards?”
-
-“Certainly. I’m lucky, too. Any game the boys want, from bridge to black
-jack.”
-
-“I mean—do you play for money?”
-
-“Is that on the black list, too?” Dimples’s enthusiasm was slowly oozing
-away. Noting the falling temperature of the room, he confessed honestly,
-but with some reluctance: “I suppose I do all of the things that
-ordinary idle fellows do. I drink and gamble and swear and smoke and
-overeat and sleep late. But that doesn’t hurt me for carrying soup, does
-it?”
-
-No one answered this challenge; instead, he was the recipient of another
-question that caused him to squirm.
-
-“Would you consider yourself a moral young man?”
-
-Slowly the applicant shook his head.
-
-“To what Church do you belong?”
-
-“I don’t.”
-
-“How long since you attended divine service?”
-
-“A good many years, I’m afraid.”
-
-There followed a moment of silence; the men at the table exchanged
-glances, and into Dimples’s face there came an apprehensive, hunted
-look. He wet his lips, then said:
-
-“Anyhow, you can’t accuse me of mendacity. I don’t lie. Now that you
-know the worst about me, I’d like to inventory my good points.” This he
-proceeded to do, but in all honesty it must be said that his showing was
-not impressive. Never having given serious thought to his virtues, there
-were few that he could recall at such short notice. He concluded by
-saying: “I know I can make good if you’ll give me a chance. I—I’ll work
-like a dog, and I’ll keep the boys laughing. I won’t let them get
-homesick. I— Why, gentlemen, this is my last chance! It will break my
-heart if you turn me down.”
-
-Not unkindly the “judge” said:
-
-“We will consider your application and notify you.”
-
-This very kindliness of tone caused the fat man to pale.
-
-“I know what that means,” he protested. “That’s Y. M. C. A. for ‘no.’
-Let me go,” he implored. “I’ll serve. I’ll stand the punishment. I’m
-strong and I’ll work till I drop. You won’t be ashamed of me, honestly.”
-
-“We’ll notify you without delay, Mr. Dalrymple.”
-
-There was no more to be said. Dimples wallowed out of the room with his
-head down.
-
-That night he walked the soft-carpeted floor of his chamber until very
-late, and when he did go to bed it was not to sleep. Daylight found him
-turning restlessly, his eyes wide open and tragic. Another failure!
-Within him the spirit of sacrifice burned with consuming fury, but there
-was no outlet for it. Through his veins ran the blood of a fighting
-family; nevertheless, a malicious prank of nature had doomed him to play
-the part of Falstaff or of Fatty Arbuckle. What could he do to help?
-Doubtless he could find work for his hands in ship-yard or foundry, but
-they were soft, white hands, and they knew no trade. Give? He had given
-freely and would give more; but everybody was giving. No; action called
-him. He belonged in the roar and the din of things where men’s spirit
-tells.
-
-That afternoon he was waddling down Fifth Avenue when Mr. Augustus Van
-Loan stopped him to exclaim:
-
-“Good Heavens, Dimples! What has happened to you?”
-
-Van Loan was a malefactor of great wealth. His name was a hissing upon
-the lips of soap-box orators. None of his malefactions, to be sure, had
-ever yet been uncovered, nor were any of the strident-voiced orators
-even distantly acquainted with him, but his wealth was an established
-fact of such enormity that in the public eye he was suspect.
-
-“I’m all in,” the disconsolate mammoth mumbled, and then made known his
-sorrow. “Too fat to get in the army; too soft morally to get in the Y.
-M. C. A. I didn’t know how rotten I am. I can’t carry a gun for my
-country; I’m not good enough to lug soup to the boys who do. And,
-meanwhile, the Huns are pressing forward.”
-
-Van Loan eyed him shrewdly.
-
-“Do you feel it as badly as all that?”
-
-Dalrymple nodded.
-
-“I don’t want to be a hero. Who ever heard of a hero with a waistband
-like mine? No; I’d just like to help our lads grin and bear it, and be a
-big, cheerful fat brother to them.”
-
-Without a word Mr. Van Loan took a card from his pocket and wrote a few
-lines thereon.
-
-“Take that down to the Y and tell them to send you on the next ship.” He
-handed Dimples the card, whereupon the giant stared at him.
-
-“D—d’you know that outfit?”
-
-“_Know_ it?” Van Loan smiled. “I’m the fellow who’s raising the money
-for them. They’ve darn near broken me, but—it’s worth it.”
-
-With a gurgling shout Dimples wrung the malefactor’s hand; then he
-bolted for the nearest taxi-stand and squeezed himself through a cab
-door.
-
-Ten minutes later he entered the boardroom at the Y. M. C. A. and flung
-Van Loan’s card upon the table.
-
-“Read that!” he told the astonished occupants.
-
-The “judge” read and passed the card along.
-
-“Where do I go from here?” Dimples demanded, in a voice of triumph.
-
-“Why”—the “judge” cleared his throat—“to your tailor’s for a uniform, I
-should say.”
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER III
-
- “_One Man to Every Ten!_”
-
-
-Late the following afternoon, as the judicial member of the Y examiners
-was leaving the building, his path was barred by a huge, rotund figure
-in khaki which rose from a bench in the hall. It was Dalrymple.
-
-“I’ve been blocking traffic here for an hour,” the giant explained.
-“Look at me! It’s the biggest uniform in New York, and it was made in
-the shortest time.” Noting the effect his appearance created, he went
-on, “I suppose I do look funny, but—there’s nothing funny to me about
-it.”
-
-The elder man’s face grew serious.
-
-“I’m beginning to believe you’ll make good, Dalrymple. I hope so, for
-your sake and for the sake of the Association. If you don’t, we’ll have
-to order you back.”
-
-“I’ll take that chance. You gentlemen think I’m unfit to wear these
-clothes and—maybe I was yesterday, or even this morning. But when I saw
-myself in this uniform I took stock and cleaned house. I got all my bad
-habits together and laid them away in moth-balls for the duration of the
-war.”
-
-“That means something for a man like you. What induced you to do it?”
-
-“This.” Dimples stroked his khaki sleeve with reverent, caressing
-fingers. “It’s almost like the real thing, isn’t it? Not quite, but near
-enough. It’s as near as I can ever get, and I sha’n’t do anything to
-disgrace it. I can shut my eyes and imagine it _is_ the real thing. I
-don’t suppose you understand in the least what I’m driving at—”
-
-“I think I understand thoroughly, sir. But don’t believe for a moment
-there is anything counterfeit, anything bullet-proof, about what you
-have on. You will be fighting, Dalrymple, just the same as the other
-boys; every service you perform, every word of cheer, every deed of
-kindness, will be a bomb dropped back of the German lines. Why, man, do
-you know that the work of the Y. M. C. A. adds ten per cent. to our
-fighting force? It’s a fact; Pershing says so. If you make good, you’ll
-be adding one man to every ten you meet.”
-
-“‘One man to every ten!’” Dimples breathed. “That’s great! That’s more
-than I could have done the other way. I’m good for something, after
-all.”
-
- * * * * *
-
-It seemed impossible that a wealthy, prominent young New York club-man
-could so quickly, so utterly drop out of sight as did Dimples Dalrymple.
-One day he was in his familiar haunts, a rotund, mirth-provoking
-spectacle in his bulging uniform, with his tiny overseas cap set above
-his round, red face like the calyx of a huge ripe berry; the next day he
-was gone, and for several months thereafter his world knew him not.
-
-[Illustration: A ROTUND, MIRTH-PROVOKING SPECTACLE IN HIS BULGING
-UNIFORM, WITH HIS TINY OVERSEAS CAP SET ABOVE HIS ROUND, RED FACE LIKE
-THE CALYX OF A HUGE RIPE BERRY]
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER IV
-
- _Hill Two Eighty-five_
-
-
-Captain Shipp, now attached to a famous division awaiting embarkation,
-was the first to hear from him. He read Dimples’s letter twice before
-passing it on. It ran as follows:
-
- DEAR BRIGADIER-GENERAL,—You must be all of the above by
- this time; if not, there is favoritism somewhere and you
- ought to complain about it. Probably you’re wondering
- where I am. Well, that’s your privilege, Brig. I’m in a
- two-by-four village with a name as long as the Frisco
- System, and you’ll instantly recognize it when I tell
- you it has one white street and a million rats. There
- are no houses whatever. Further information might give
- aid and comfort to the enemy.
-
- I’ve written lots of letters back home, but this is the
- first one of my own that I’ve had time for. I’m in the
- game, Brig, and I haven’t fumbled the ball. I live in a
- little tin shanty with a sand-bag roof, and I wear a
- little tin hat that holds just enough warm water to
- shave with. It held more—until lately; now there’s a
- hole in it that I wouldn’t trade for the Hudson “tube.”
- I was starting out with two cans of hot cocoa when the
- street was shelled. I spilled the boys’ cocoa and got a
- dent in my own, but those Bessemer derbies are certainly
- handy shock-absorbers. I woke up with my head in Dr.
- Peters’s lap.
-
- Right here I must make you acquainted with Pete. He’s a
- hundred-pound hymn-weevil, and the best all-round
- reverend that ever snatched a brand from the burning. He
- dragged me in under cover all alone, and he used no
- hooks. Pretty good for a guy his size, eh?
-
- Pete and I are partners in crime—and, say, the stuff we
- pull in this hut! Movies, theatricals, concerts,
- boxing-bees—with the half-portion reverend in every
- scrimmage. He’s a Syncopated Baptist, or an Episcopalian
- Elk, or something; anyhow, he’s nine parts human and one
- part divine. That’s the way the Y is wearing them over
- here. He’s got the pep, and the boys swear by him. When
- the war is over he hopes to get a little church
- somewhere, and I’m going to see that he does, if I have
- to buy it, for I want to hear him preach. I never have
- heard him, but I’ll bet he’s a bear. Take it from me,
- he’ll need a modest cathedral with about six acres of
- parking-space inside and a nail in the door for the S.
- R. O. sign.
-
- We have a piano, and games, and writing-materials, and a
- stock of candy and tobacco and chocolate and stuff like
- that. I haven’t tasted a single chocolate. Fact! But it
- has made an old man of me. Gee! I’d give that loft
- building on Sixteenth Street to be alone with an order
- of corn-starch pudding. However, barring the fact that I
- haven’t lost an ounce in weight, I’m having a grand
- time, for there’s always something to do. Details are
- constantly passing through, to and from the front-line
- trenches, which (whisper) are so close that we can smell
- the Germans. That’s the reason we wear nose-bags full of
- chloride of lime or something. Pete and I spend our days
- making millions of gallons of tea and coffee and cocoa,
- and selling canned goods, and sewing on buttons, and
- cracking jokes, and playing the piano, and lugging
- stretchers, and making doughnuts, and getting the boys
- to write home to mother, and various little odd jobs;
- then, at night, we take supplies up to the lads in the
- front row of the orchestra. That’s a pretty game, by the
- way, for a man of my size. Nobody ever undertakes to
- pass me in a trench; I lie down and let them climb over.
- It keeps the boys good-natured, and that’s part of my
- job. “Hill Two Eighty-five”—that’s what they call me.
-
- We had a caller to-day. One of the Krupp family dropped
- in on us and jazzed up the whole premises. There is Bull
- Durham and rice-papers and chocolate and raspberry jam
- all over this village, and one corner of our hut has
- gone away from here entirely. We haven’t found the
- stove, either, although Pete retrieved the damper, and
- the rest of it is probably somewhere near by.
-
- Of course I had nothing hot for the boys when I went up
- to-night. It was raining, too, and cold. But they didn’t
- mind. They don’t mind anything—they’re wonderful that
- way. We all had a good laugh over it, and they pretended
- they were glad it was the stove and not I that got
- strafed. I really believe they like me. Anyhow, they
- made me think they do, and I was so pleased I couldn’t
- resist sitting down and writing you. Altogether, it was
- a great day and a perfect evening.
-
- Yours till the last “down,”
- DIMPLES.
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER V
-
- _Dimples Takes Part in a Ceremony_
-
-
-During the first few weeks after his arrival in France Captain Shipp had
-no time whatever for affairs of his own, but a day came finally when he
-took a train for a certain base close up behind an American sector,
-intending there to more definitely locate Dimples’s whereabouts and to
-walk in upon him unannounced. It would be a memorable reunion; he could
-hear now the big fellow’s shout of welcome. That genial behemoth would
-have a tale to unfold, and they would talk steadily until Shipp’s leave
-was up.
-
-But bad news was waiting at the base—news that sent the captain hurrying
-from first one hospital to another.
-
-“Dalrymple? Oh yes, he’s here,” an orderly informed the distracted
-visitor.
-
-“Is he— May I see him?”
-
-A small, hollow-eyed man with a red triangle upon his sleeve rose from a
-chair and approached to inquire:
-
-“Are you, by any chance, Captain Shipp?”
-
-“I am.”
-
-“Dimples has often spoken of you. He has been expecting you for weeks.
-I’m just going in.”
-
-“You are Doctor Peters—Pete?” The Y secretary nodded. “What ails him? I
-heard he was wounded—”
-
-“Yes. His leg. It’s very serious. I come every day.”
-
-The speaker led the way, and Shipp followed down a long hall redolent of
-sickly drug smells, past clean white operating-rooms peopled with
-silent-moving figures, past doors through which the captain glimpsed
-dwindling rows of beds and occasional sights that caused his face to
-set. In that hushed half-whisper assumed by hospital visitors, he
-inquired:
-
-“How did it happen?”
-
-“There was a raid—a heavy barrage and considerable gas—and it caught him
-while he was up with supplies for the men. He began helping the wounded
-out, of course. It was a nasty affair—our men were new, you see, and it
-was pretty trying for green troops. They said, later, that he helped to
-steady them quite as much as did their officers.”
-
-“I can believe that. He’s a man to tie to.”
-
-“Yes, yes. We all felt that, the very first day he came. Why, he was an
-inspiration to the men! He was mother, brother, pal, servant to the best
-and to the worst of them. Always laughing, singing—There! Listen!”
-
-The Reverend Doctor Peters paused inside the entrance to a ward, and
-Shipp heard a familiar voice raised in quavering song:
-
- “By the star-shell’s light,
- I see you; I see you.
- If you want to see your father in the Fatherland,
- Keep your head down, Fritzie boy.”
-
-“Why”—Shipp uttered a choking cry—“he’s out of his head!”
-
-“Oh yes; he has been that way ever since they amputated.”
-
-“‘Amp—’ Good God!” Shipp groped blindly for support; briefly he covered
-his eyes. Then, like a man in a trance, he followed down the aisle until
-he stood, white-lipped and trembling, at the foot of Dalrymple’s bed.
-
-It was difficult to recognize Dimples in this pallid, shrunken person
-with the dark, roving eyes and babbling tongue. The voice alone was
-unchanged; it was husky, faint as if from long, long use, but it was
-brave and confident; it ran on ceaselessly:
-
-“Keep your nerve up, pal; you’re standing it like a hero, and we’ll have
-you out to the road in no time. Smokes! I tell you they must have smokes
-if you have to bring ’em in on your back—Gangway for the soup-man! Come
-and get it, boys. Hot soup—like mother used to make. Put on the Harry
-Lauder record again. Now then, all together:
-
- “I love a lassie, a bonnie, blue-eyed lassie.”
-
-The little minister had laid a cool hand upon Dimples’s burning brow;
-his head was bowed; his lips were moving.
-
-“When did you write to your mother last?” the sick man babbled on. “Sure
-I’ll post it for you, and I’ll add a line of my own to comfort
-her—Water! Can’t you understand? He wants water, and mine’s gone. Too
-fat to fight! But I’ll make good; I’ll serve. Give me a chance—Steady,
-boys! They’re coming. They’re at the wire. Now give ’em hell! We’ll say
-it together, old man: ‘Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy
-name—’”
-
-There were scalding tears in Shipp’s eyes; his throat was aching
-terribly when Doctor Peters finally led him out of the ward. The last
-sound he heard was Dalrymple’s voice quavering:
-
- “Over there! Over there!
- And we won’t come back till it’s over, over there.”
-
-“I had my hands full at the hut, for the wounded were coming in,” Doctor
-Peters was saying, “but every one says Dimples did a man’s work up there
-in the mud and the darkness. Some of the fellows confessed that they
-couldn’t have hung on, cut off as they were, only for him. But they did.
-It was late the next day before we picked him up. He was right out in
-the open; he’d been on his way back with a man over his shoulders. He
-was very strong, you know, and most of the stretcher-bearers had been
-shot down. The wounded man was dying, so Dimples walked into the
-barrage.”
-
-“And he was afraid he wouldn’t make good!” Shipp muttered, with a
-crooked, mirthless smile.
-
-“Yes—imagine it! There was never a day that he didn’t make me ashamed of
-myself, never a day that he didn’t do two men’s work. No task was too
-hard, too disagreeable, too lowly. And always a smile, a word of cheer,
-of hope. Our Master washed people’s feet and cooked a breakfast for
-hungry fishermen. Well, the spirit of Christ lives again in that boy.”
-
-Shipp’s leave had several days to run; such time as he did not spend
-with Doctor Peters he put in at Dimples’s bedside. He was there when the
-delirium broke; his face was the first that Dimples recognized; his hand
-was the first that Dimples’s groping fingers weakly closed upon.
-
-They had little to say to each other; they merely murmured a few words
-and smiled; and while Dimples feasted his eyes upon the brown face over
-him, Shipp held his limp, wasted hand tight and stroked it, and vowed
-profanely that the sick man was looking very fit.
-
-Later in the day the captain said, with something like gruffness in his
-voice:
-
-“Lucky thing you pulled yourself together, old man, for you’re booked to
-take part in a ceremony to-morrow. A famous French general is going to
-kiss you on both cheeks and pin a doodad of some sort on your nightie.”
-
-Dimples was amazed.
-
-“Me? Why, the idea!”
-
-“Sure!” Shipp nodded vigorously. “Ridiculous, isn’t it? And think of me
-standing at attention while he does it. Pretty soft for you Y fellows.
-Here you are going home with a decoration before I’ve even smelled
-powder.”
-
-“Oh, I’m not going home,” the other declared. “Not yet, anyhow. A
-one-legged man can sell cigarettes and sew on buttons and make doughnuts
-just as well as a centipede.”
-
-A smiling nurse paused at the bed to say:
-
-“You’re awfully thin, Mr. Dalrymple, but we’ll soon have you nice and
-fat again. The doctor says you’re to have the most nourishing
-food—anything you want, in fact.”
-
-“‘_Anything?_’”
-
-“Anything within reason.”
-
-Dimples grinned wistfully, yet happily.
-
-“Gee!” said he. “I’d like some cornstarch pudding.”
-
-
- THE END
-
-
-
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- Transcriber’s note:
-
-Cover, full stop inserted after ‘D,’ “T. D. SKIDMORE”
-
-Page 23, ‘pi’ changed to ‘pin,’ “striving to pin the man’s hateful”
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Too Fat to Fight, by Rex Beach
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-<pre>
-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Too Fat to Fight, by Rex Beach
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: Too Fat to Fight
-
-Author: Rex Beach
-
-Illustrator: T. D. Skidmore
-
-Release Date: December 21, 2015 [EBook #50735]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TOO FAT TO FIGHT ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Shaun Pinder and the Online Distributed
-Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-produced from images generously made available by The
-Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-</pre>
-
-
-<div>
- <h1 class='c000'>TOO FAT TO FIGHT</h1>
-</div>
-
-<div class='figcenter id001'>
-<img src='images/001.jpg' alt='decoration' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c001' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c002'>
- <div><span class='large'><span class='sc'>Books by</span></span></div>
- <div class='c001'><span class='large'>REX BEACH</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='Books'>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b c003'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>THE WINDS OF CHANCE</div>
- <div class='line'>LAUGHING BILL HYDE</div>
- <div class='line'>RAINBOW’S END</div>
- <div class='line'>THE CRIMSON GARDENIA AND OTHER TALES OF ADVENTURE</div>
- <div class='line'>HEART OF THE SUNSET</div>
- <div class='line'>THE AUCTION BLOCK</div>
- <div class='line'>THE IRON TRAIL</div>
- <div class='line'>THE NET</div>
- <div class='line'>THE NE’ER-DO-WELL</div>
- <div class='line'>THE SPOILERS</div>
- <div class='line'>THE BARRIER</div>
- <div class='line'>THE SILVER HORDE</div>
- <div class='line'>GOING SOME</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class='c004' />
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>HARPER &amp; BROTHERS, NEW YORK</div>
- <div>[<span class='sc'>Established 1817</span>]</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div id='i_04' class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/004.jpg' alt='frontispiece' class='ig001' />
-<div class='ic002'>
-<p>“PLATTSBURG. ONE WAY”</p>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-<div class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/005.jpg' alt='title page' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c002'>
- <div><span class='sc'>Too Fat to Fight</span></div>
- <div class='c001'>Copyright, 1919, by Harper &amp; Brothers</div>
- <div>Printed in the United States of America</div>
- <div>Published January, 1919</div>
- <div class='c001'>A-T</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 class='c005'>CONTENTS</h2>
-</div>
-
-<table class='table0' summary=''>
-<colgroup>
-<col width='16%' />
-<col width='72%' />
-<col width='11%' />
-</colgroup>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'><span class='xsmall'>CHAP.</span></td>
- <td class='c006'></td>
- <td class='c007'><span class='xsmall'>PAGE</span></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'>I.</td>
- <td class='c006'>“<span class='sc'>Plattsburg. One Way</span>”</td>
- <td class='c007'><a href='#I'>11</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'>II.</td>
- <td class='c006'><span class='sc'>Dimples Tries the Y. M. C. A.</span></td>
- <td class='c007'><a href='#II'>22</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'>III.</td>
- <td class='c006'>“<span class='sc'>One Man to Every Ten!</span>”</td>
- <td class='c007'><a href='#III'>39</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'>IV.</td>
- <td class='c006'><span class='sc'>Hill Two Eighty-five</span></td>
- <td class='c007'><a href='#IV'>43</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c006'>V.</td>
- <td class='c006'><span class='sc'>Dimples Takes Part in a Ceremony</span></td>
- <td class='c007'><a href='#V'>47</a></td>
- </tr>
-</table>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 class='c005'>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
-</div>
-
-<table class='table1' summary=''>
-<colgroup>
-<col width='72%' />
-<col width='27%' />
-</colgroup>
- <tr>
- <td class='c008'>“<span class='sc'>Plattsburg. One Way</span>”</td>
- <td class='c009'><i><a href='#i_04'>Frontispiece</a></i></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c008'><span class='sc'>Occasionally He Ordered His Favorite Dish, Corn-starch Pudding</span></td>
- <td class='c009'><i>Facing p.</i> <a href='#i_27'>24</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c008'><span class='sc'>He Had Gained a Pound!</span></td>
- <td class='c009'>“&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href='#i_33'>28</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c008'><span class='sc'>A Rotund, Mirth-provoking Spectacle in His Bulging Uniform, with His Tiny Overseas Cap Set Above His Round, Red Face Like the Calyx of a Huge Ripe Berry</span></td>
- <td class='c009'>“&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href='#i_49'>42</a></td>
- </tr>
-</table>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c002'>
- <div><span class='xlarge'>TOO FAT TO FIGHT</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c002'>
- <div><span class='xlarge'>TOO FAT TO FIGHT</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='I' class='c010'>CHAPTER I<br /> <br />“<i>Plattsburg. One Way.</i>”</h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_6 c011'>“Plattsburg. One way,” Norman
-Dalrymple told the ticket-agent.
-He named his destination more loudly, more
-proudly than necessary, and he was gratified
-when the man next in line eyed him with
-sudden interest.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Having pocketed his ticket, Dalrymple
-noted, by his smart new wrist-watch with
-the luminous dial, that there was still
-twenty minutes before train-time. Twenty
-minutes—and Shipp had a vicious habit of
-catching trains by their coat-tails—a habit
-doubly nerve-racking to one of Dalrymple’s
-ponderous weight and deliberate disposition.
-That afforded ample leeway for a
-farewell rickey at the Belmont or the
-Manhattan; it was altogether too long a
-time to stand around. Mr. Dalrymple—his
-friends called him “Dimples”—had
-long since concluded that standing was an
-unnatural posture for human beings, and
-with every pound he took on there came
-a keener appreciation of chairs, benches,
-couches, divans—anything and everything
-of that restful pattern except hammocks.
-Hammocks he distrusted and despised, for
-they had a way of breaking with the sound
-of gun-shots and causing him much discomfiture.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Next to standing, Dimples abhorred
-walking, for the truth is he shook when he
-walked. Therefore he chose the Belmont,
-that haven of rest being close at hand; but
-ere he had gained the street his eye was
-challenged by a sight that never failed to
-arrest his attention. It was the open door
-of an eating-place—the station restaurant—with
-idle waiters and spotless napery within.
-Now, drink was a friend, but food was an
-intimate companion of whom Dimples never
-tired. Why people drank in order to be
-convivial or to pass an idle quarter of an
-hour, the while there were sweets and pastries
-as easily accessible, had always been
-a mystery to him. Like a homing pigeon,
-he made for this place of refreshment.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Overflowing heavily into a chair, he
-wiped his full-moon face and ordered a corn-starch
-pudding, an insatiable fondness for
-which was his consuming vice.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>As usual, Shipp made the train with a
-three-second factor of safety in his favor,
-and, recognizing the imposing bulk of his
-traveling companion, greeted him with a
-hearty:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Hello, Dimples! I knew you’d come.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>When they had settled themselves in their
-compartment Dalrymple panted, breathlessly:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Gee! How I hate people who paw at
-departing trains.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I made it, didn’t I? You’re getting fat
-and slow—that’s what ails you. A fine
-figure of an athlete you are! Why, you’re
-laying on blubber by the day! You’re
-swelled up like a dead horse.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I know,” Dimples nodded mournfully.
-“I’ve tried to reduce, but I know too many
-nice people, and they all have good <i>chefs</i>.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Boozing some, too, I suppose?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Oh, sure! And I love candy.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“They’ll take you down at Plattsburg.
-Say! It’s great, isn’t it? War! The real
-thing!” Shipp’s eyes were sparkling. “Of
-course it came hard to give up the wife and
-the baby, but—somebody has to go.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Right! And we’re the ones, because
-we can afford it. I never knew how good
-it is to be rich and idle—did you? But
-think of the poor devils who want to go and
-can’t—dependents, and all that. It’s tough
-on them.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The other agreed silently; then, with a
-smile, he said:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“If they’re looking for officer material at
-Plattsburg, as they say they are, why,
-you’ve got enough for about three. They’ll
-probably cube your contents and start you
-off as a colonel.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples’s round, good-natured face had
-become serious; there was a suggestion of
-strength, determination, to the set of his
-jaw when he spoke.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Thank God, we’re in at last! I’ve been
-boiling ever since the Huns took Belgium.
-I don’t care much for children, because most
-of them laugh at me, but—I can’t stand to
-see them butchered.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Plattsburg was a revelation to the two
-men. They were amazed by the grim,
-business-like character of the place; it looked
-thoroughly military and efficient, despite
-the flood of young fellows in civilian clothes
-arriving by every train; it aroused their
-pride to note how many of their friends and
-acquaintances were among the number.
-But, for that matter, the best blood of the
-nation had responded. Deeply impressed,
-genuinely thrilled, Shipp and Dalrymple
-made ready for their physical examinations.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples was conscious of a jealous twinge
-at the sight of his former team-mate’s massive
-bare shoulders and slim waist; Shipp
-looked as fit to-day as when he had made
-the All-American. As for himself, Dimples
-had never noticed how much he resembled
-a gigantic Georgia watermelon. It was
-indeed time he put an end to easy living.
-Well, army diet, army exercise would
-bring him back, for he well knew that
-there were muscles buried deep beneath
-his fat.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Step lively!” It was an overworked
-medical examiner speaking, and Dimples
-moved forward; the line behind him closed
-up. As he stepped upon the scales the
-beam flew up; so did the head of the man
-who manipulated the counter-balance.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Hey! One at a time!” the latter cried.
-Then with a grin he inquired, “Who’s with
-you?” He pretended to look back of
-Dimples as if in search of a companion,
-after which he added another weight and
-finally announced, in some awe:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Two eighty-five—unless I’m seeing
-double.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘<i>Two eighty-five!</i>’” The chief examiner
-started, then to Dalrymple he said: “Step
-aside, sir. Fall out.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“What’s the idea?” Dimples inquired,
-with a rose-pink flush of embarrassment.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“You’re overweight. Next!”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Why, sure I’m overweight; but what’s
-the difference?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“All the difference in the world, sir.
-We can’t pass you. Please don’t argue.
-We have more work than we can attend
-to.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Shipp turned back to explain.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“This is Norman Dalrymple, one of the
-best tackles we ever had at Harvard. He’s
-as sound as a dollar and stronger than a
-bridge. He’ll come down—”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’m sorry; but there’s nothing we can
-do. Regulations, you know.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Sure!” The man at the scales was
-speaking. “Two eighty-five isn’t a weight;
-it’s a telephone number.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dalrymple inquired, blankly:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Do you mean to say I can’t get in?
-Why, that’s too absurd! I <i>must</i> get in!
-Can’t you fix it somehow?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“You’re holding up the others. Won’t
-you please step aside?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Shipp drew the giant out of line and said,
-quietly:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Don’t argue. Get into your duds and
-wait for me. It will be all right. We know
-everybody; we’ll square it.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>But it was not all right. Nor could it
-be made all right. Weary hours of endeavor
-failed in any way to square matters,
-and the two friends were finally forced to
-acknowledge that here was an instance
-where wealth, influence, the magic of a
-famous name, went for naught. They were
-told politely but firmly that Norman Dalrymple,
-in his present state of unpreparedness,
-could not take the officers’ intensive-training
-course. Dimples was mortified,
-humiliated; Shipp felt the disappointment
-quite as keenly.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“That’s the toughest luck I ever heard
-of,” the latter acknowledged. “You’ll have
-to reduce, that’s all.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>But Dimples was in despair.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“It’s healthy fat; it will take longer to
-run it off than to run the Germans out of
-France. The war will be over before I
-can do it. I want to get in <i>now</i>. Too fat
-to fight! Good Lord!” he groaned. “Why,
-I told everybody I was going in, and I cut
-all my ties. Now to be <i>rejected!</i>” After
-a time he continued: “It knocks a fellow
-out to reduce so much. If I managed to
-sweat it off in a hurry, I’d never be able
-to pass my physical. That sort of thing
-takes <i>months</i>.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Shipp silently agreed that there was some
-truth in this statement.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Tough? It’s a disgrace. I—I have
-<i>some</i> pride. I feel the way I did when I
-lost our big game. You remember I fumbled
-and let Yale through for the winning
-goal. I went back to the dressing-room,
-rolled up in a blanket, and cried like a
-baby. You and the other fellows were
-mighty decent; you told me to forget it.
-But I couldn’t. I’ve never forgotten it,
-and I never shall.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Pshaw! You made good later.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I fell down when it was my ball. It’s
-my ball now, Shipp, and I’ve fallen down
-again. I’ve led a pretty easy, useless life,
-these late years, but—I feel this thing in
-Europe more than I thought I could feel
-anything. I’ve contributed here and there,
-let my man go, and economized generally.
-I’ve adopted whole litters of French orphans,
-and equipped ambulance units, and
-done all the usual things the nice people
-are doing, but I was out of the game, and
-I wanted—Lord! how I wanted to be in it!
-When we declared war, I yelled! I went
-crazy. And then along came your wire to
-join you in this Plattsburg course. Good
-old Shipp! I knew you’d get on the job,
-and it raised a lump in my throat to realize
-that you were sure of me. I—was never so
-happy”—the speaker choked briefly—“as
-while waiting for the day to arrive. Now
-I’ve fumbled the pass. I’m on the sidelines.”</p>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c001' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='II' class='c005'>CHAPTER II<br /> <br /><i>Dimples Tries the Y. M. C. A.</i></h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_6 c011'>Norman Dalrymple did not return
-home, nor did he notify his
-family of his rejection. Instead, he went
-back to New York, took a room at the
-quietest of his numerous clubs, engaged a
-trainer, and went on a diet. He minded
-neither of the latter very greatly for the
-first few days, but in time he learned to
-abhor both.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>He shunned his friends; he avoided the
-club café as he would have avoided a
-dragon’s cave. The sight of a push-button
-became a temptation and a trial. Every
-morning he wrapped himself up like a sore
-thumb and ambled round the Park reservoir
-with his pores streaming; every afternoon
-he chased his elusive trainer round a
-gymnasium, striving to pin the man’s hateful
-features, and never quite succeeding. Evenings
-he spent in a Turkish bath, striving
-to attain the boiling-point and failing by
-the fraction of a degree. He acquired a
-terrifying thirst—a monstrous, maniac
-thirst which gallons of water would not
-quench.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Ten days of this and he had lost three
-pounds. He had dwindled away to a mere
-two hundred and eighty-two, and was
-faintly cheered.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>But he possessed a sweet tooth—a double
-row of them—and he dreamed of things
-fattening to eat. One dream in particular
-tried the strongest fiber of his being. It
-was of wallowing through a No Man’s Land
-of blanc-mange with shell-craters filled with
-cream. Frozen desserts—ice-cold custards!
-He trembled weakly when he thought of
-them, which was almost constantly. Occasionally,
-when the craving became utterly
-unbearable, he skulked guiltily into a
-restaurant and ordered his favorite dish,
-corn-starch pudding.</p>
-
-<div id='i_27' class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/027.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' />
-<div class='ic002'>
-<p>OCCASIONALLY HE ORDERED HIS FAVORITE DISH, CORN-STARCH PUDDING</p>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c012'>At the end of three weeks he was
-bleached; his face was drawn and miserable;
-he looked forth from eyes like those of a
-Saint Bernard. He had gained a pound!</p>
-
-<div id='i_33' class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/033.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' />
-<div class='ic002'>
-<p>HE HAD GAINED A POUND!</p>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c012'>Human nature could stand no more.
-Listlessly he wandered into the club café
-and there came under the notice of a friend.
-It was no more possible for Dimples to
-enter a room unobserved than for the
-<i>Leviathan</i> to slip unobtrusively into port.
-The friend stared in amazement, then
-exclaimed:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Why, Norm! You look sick.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘Sick?’” the big fellow echoed. “I’m
-not sick; I’m dying.” And, since it was
-good to share his burden, he related what
-had happened to him. “Turned me down;
-wouldn’t give me a chance,” he concluded.
-“When I strained the scales, they wanted
-to know who I had in my lap. I’ve been
-banting lately, but I gain weight at it. It
-agrees with me. Meanwhile, Shipp and the
-others are in uniform.” Dimples bowed his
-head in his huge, plump hands. “Think
-of it! Why, I’d give a leg to be in olive
-drab and wear metal letters on my collar!
-‘Sick?’ Good Lord!”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I know,” the friend nodded. “I’m too
-old to go across, but I’m off for Washington
-Monday. A dollar a year. I’ve been
-drawing fifty thousand, by the way.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’m out of that, too,” Dimples sighed.
-“Don’t know enough—never did anything
-useful. But I could fight, if they’d let me.”
-He raised his broad face and his eyes were
-glowing. “I’m fat, but I could fight. I
-could keep the fellows on their toes and
-make ’em hit the line. If—if they built
-ships bigger, I’d stowaway.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“See here—” The speaker had a sudden
-thought. “Why don’t you try the Y?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘The Y?’ Yale?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“No, no. The Y. M. C. A.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Oh, <i>that</i>! I’ve hired a whole gymnasium
-of my own where I can swear out
-loud.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“The Y. M. C. A. is sending men overseas.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’m not cut out for a chaplain.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“They’re sending them over to cheer up
-the boys, to keep them amused and entertained,
-to run huts—”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dalrymple straightened himself slowly.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I know; but I thought they were all
-pulpit-pounders.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Nothing of the sort! They’re regular
-fellows, like us. They manage canteens and
-sell the things our boys can’t get. They
-don’t let them grow homesick; they make
-them play games and take care of themselves
-and realize that they’re not forgotten.
-Some of them get right up front
-and carry hot soup and smokes into the
-trenches.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Me for that!” Dimples was rising
-majestically. “I could carry soup—more
-soup than any man living. The trenches
-might be a little snug for me round the
-waist, but I’d be careful not to bulge them.
-Cheer up the boys! Make ’em laugh!
-Say—that would help, wouldn’t it?” He
-hesitated; then, a bit wistfully, he inquired,
-“The Y fellows wear—uniforms, too, don’t
-they?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Well, rather. You can hardly tell them
-from the army.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>In Dalrymple’s voice, when he spoke,
-there was an earnestness, a depth of feeling,
-that his hearer had never suspected.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Uniforms mean a lot to me lately.
-Every time I see a doughboy I want to
-stand at attention and throw out my chest
-and draw in my stomach—as far as I can.
-There’s something sacred about that olive
-drab. It’s like your mother’s wedding-dress,
-only holier, and decenter, if possible.
-Somehow, it seems to stand for everything
-clean and honorable and unselfish. The
-other day I saw the old Forty-first marching
-down to entrain, and I yelled and cried and
-kissed an old lady. Those swinging arms,
-those rifles aslant, those leggings flashing,
-and that sea of khaki rising, falling—Gee!
-There’s something about it. These are
-great times for the fellows who aren’t too
-old or too fat to fight.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Those Y men fight, in their way, just
-as hard as the other boys, and they don’t
-get half as much sleep or half as much attention.
-Nobody makes a fuss over them.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples waited to hear no more. The
-Y. M. C. A.! He had not realized the
-sort of work it was doing. But to keep the
-boys fit to fight! That was almost as good
-as being one of them. And he could do it—better
-than anybody. As his taxicab
-sped across town he leaned back with a sigh
-of contentment; for the first time in days
-he smiled. The Y. M. C. A. would have no
-scales! To the boys at the front a fat man
-might be funnier even than a skinny one.
-He was mighty glad he had heard of the
-Y in time. And it would be glad he had,
-for his name was worth a lot to any organization.
-No more dry bread and spinach—<i>Gott
-strafe</i> spinach! How he hated it! No
-more exercise, either; he would break training
-instantly and tell that high-priced reducer
-what he really thought of him. Useful
-work, work to win the war, was one
-thing, but this loathsome process of trying
-out abdominal lard—ugh! He decided to
-dine like a self-respecting white man that
-very night, and to deny himself nothing.
-The club <i>chef</i> made a most wonderful corn-starch
-pudding, indescribably delicious and
-frightfully fattening. At the mere thought,
-an eager, predatory look came into Dimples’s
-eyes. He would go overseas without delay;
-he would be in France doing his bit while
-Shipp and the others were still rehearsing
-their little tricks and learning to shout,
-“Forward, ouch!” Of course those fellows
-would win commissions—they were welcome
-to the glory—but meanwhile he
-would be right down in the dirt and the
-slime with the boys in leggings, cheering
-them up, calling them “Bill” and “Joe,”
-sharing their big and their little troubles,
-and putting the pep into them. That’s
-what they needed, that’s what the world
-needed—pep! It would win the war.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dalrymple was surprised when he entered
-the Y. M. C. A. quarters to find them busy
-and crowded. He sent in his card, then
-seated himself at the end of a line of waiting
-men. He wondered if, by any chance, they
-could be applicants like himself, and his
-complacency vanished when he learned that
-they could be—that, indeed, they were.
-His surprise deepened when he saw that in
-no wise did they resemble psalm-shouters
-and Testament-worms such as he had expected,
-but that, on the contrary, they
-looked like ordinary, capable business and
-professional men.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples wondered if this were, after all,
-a competitive service. He broke into a
-gentle, apprehensive perspiration.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>His name was called finally; he rose and
-followed a boy into a room where several
-men were seated at a table. Two of them
-were elderly, typical; they wore various
-unbecoming arrangements of white whiskers,
-and one glance told Dimples that they
-knew a lot about God. One of the others
-resembled a judge, and he it was who
-spoke first.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“You wish to go to France for the
-Y. M. C. A.?” the latter inquired.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Yes, sir. They wouldn’t let me in at
-Plattsburg. I’m too fat, or the camp is
-too small. I’d very much like to go overseas.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“It is hardly necessary to ask if you have
-had experience in promoting social entertainments
-and recreations.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The speaker smiled. Dimples’s face broke
-into an answering grin.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘Entertainments!’ ‘Recreations!’ They
-are my stock in trade. I’m an authority
-on all kinds of both; that’s what ails me.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Another member of the board inquired:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Are you a temperate man, Mr. Dalrymple?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Oh no!” Dimples shook his head.
-“Not at all.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“What sort of—er—beverages do you
-drink?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“What have you got?” the young giant
-blithely asked. Noting that his comedy
-met with no mirthful response, he explained
-more seriously: “Why, I drink practically
-everything. I have no particular favorites.
-I dare say it’s against your rules, so I’ll
-taper off if you say so. I’d take the Keeley
-to get across. Of course I make friends
-easier when I’m moderately lit—anybody
-does. I’m extraordinarily cheerful when
-I’m that way. You’ve no idea how—”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Surely you understand that we tolerate
-no drinking whatever?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“No, sir; I didn’t fully understand. I
-know several Christian young men who
-drink—more or less. However, that’s all
-right with me. I’ve never tried to quit
-drinking, so I’m sure I can.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Are you familiar with the character and
-the aims of the Young Men’s Christian
-Association?” One of the white-bearded
-gentlemen put this question.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“In a general way only. I knew you had
-a gym and a swimming-tank and ran some
-sort of a Sunday-school. It never appealed
-to me, personally, until I heard
-about this work you’re doing in France.
-That’s my size. That fits me like a pair
-of tights.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Do you play cards?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Certainly. I’m lucky, too. Any game
-the boys want, from bridge to black jack.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I mean—do you play for money?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Is that on the black list, too?” Dimples’s
-enthusiasm was slowly oozing away. Noting
-the falling temperature of the room, he
-confessed honestly, but with some reluctance:
-“I suppose I do all of the things
-that ordinary idle fellows do. I drink and
-gamble and swear and smoke and overeat
-and sleep late. But that doesn’t hurt
-me for carrying soup, does it?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>No one answered this challenge; instead,
-he was the recipient of another question
-that caused him to squirm.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Would you consider yourself a moral
-young man?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Slowly the applicant shook his head.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“To what Church do you belong?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I don’t.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“How long since you attended divine
-service?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“A good many years, I’m afraid.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>There followed a moment of silence; the
-men at the table exchanged glances, and
-into Dimples’s face there came an apprehensive,
-hunted look. He wet his lips, then
-said:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Anyhow, you can’t accuse me of mendacity.
-I don’t lie. Now that you know
-the worst about me, I’d like to inventory
-my good points.” This he proceeded to
-do, but in all honesty it must be said that
-his showing was not impressive. Never
-having given serious thought to his virtues,
-there were few that he could recall at such
-short notice. He concluded by saying:
-“I know I can make good if you’ll give me
-a chance. I—I’ll work like a dog, and I’ll
-keep the boys laughing. I won’t let them
-get homesick. I—&nbsp;Why, gentlemen, this is
-my last chance! It will break my heart if
-you turn me down.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Not unkindly the “judge” said:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“We will consider your application and
-notify you.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>This very kindliness of tone caused the
-fat man to pale.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I know what that means,” he protested.
-“That’s Y. M. C. A. for ‘no.’ Let me go,”
-he implored. “I’ll serve. I’ll stand the
-punishment. I’m strong and I’ll work till
-I drop. You won’t be ashamed of me,
-honestly.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“We’ll notify you without delay, Mr.
-Dalrymple.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>There was no more to be said. Dimples
-wallowed out of the room with his head down.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>That night he walked the soft-carpeted
-floor of his chamber until very late, and
-when he did go to bed it was not to sleep.
-Daylight found him turning restlessly, his
-eyes wide open and tragic. Another failure!
-Within him the spirit of sacrifice burned
-with consuming fury, but there was no outlet
-for it. Through his veins ran the blood
-of a fighting family; nevertheless, a malicious
-prank of nature had doomed him to
-play the part of Falstaff or of Fatty
-Arbuckle. What could he do to help?
-Doubtless he could find work for his hands
-in ship-yard or foundry, but they were soft,
-white hands, and they knew no trade.
-Give? He had given freely and would give
-more; but everybody was giving. No;
-action called him. He belonged in the roar
-and the din of things where men’s spirit tells.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>That afternoon he was waddling down
-Fifth Avenue when Mr. Augustus Van Loan
-stopped him to exclaim:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Good Heavens, Dimples! What has
-happened to you?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Van Loan was a malefactor of great
-wealth. His name was a hissing upon the
-lips of soap-box orators. None of his malefactions,
-to be sure, had ever yet been
-uncovered, nor were any of the strident-voiced
-orators even distantly acquainted
-with him, but his wealth was an established
-fact of such enormity that in the public
-eye he was suspect.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’m all in,” the disconsolate mammoth
-mumbled, and then made known his sorrow.
-“Too fat to get in the army; too soft
-morally to get in the Y. M. C. A. I didn’t
-know how rotten I am. I can’t carry a
-gun for my country; I’m not good enough
-to lug soup to the boys who do. And,
-meanwhile, the Huns are pressing forward.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Van Loan eyed him shrewdly.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Do you feel it as badly as all that?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dalrymple nodded.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I don’t want to be a hero. Who ever
-heard of a hero with a waistband like mine?
-No; I’d just like to help our lads grin and
-bear it, and be a big, cheerful fat brother
-to them.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Without a word Mr. Van Loan took a
-card from his pocket and wrote a few lines
-thereon.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Take that down to the Y and tell them
-to send you on the next ship.” He handed
-Dimples the card, whereupon the giant
-stared at him.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“D—d’you know that outfit?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“<i>Know</i> it?” Van Loan smiled. “I’m
-the fellow who’s raising the money for them.
-They’ve darn near broken me, but—it’s
-worth it.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>With a gurgling shout Dimples wrung the
-malefactor’s hand; then he bolted for the
-nearest taxi-stand and squeezed himself
-through a cab door.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Ten minutes later he entered the boardroom
-at the Y. M. C. A. and flung Van
-Loan’s card upon the table.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Read that!” he told the astonished
-occupants.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The “judge” read and passed the card
-along.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Where do I go from here?” Dimples demanded,
-in a voice of triumph.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Why”—the “judge” cleared his throat—“to
-your tailor’s for a uniform, I should
-say.”</p>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c001' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='III' class='c005'>CHAPTER III<br /> <br />“<i>One Man to Every Ten!</i>”</h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_6 c011'>Late the following afternoon, as the
-judicial member of the Y examiners
-was leaving the building, his path was
-barred by a huge, rotund figure in khaki
-which rose from a bench in the hall. It was
-Dalrymple.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’ve been blocking traffic here for an
-hour,” the giant explained. “Look at me!
-It’s the biggest uniform in New York, and
-it was made in the shortest time.” Noting
-the effect his appearance created, he went
-on, “I suppose I do look funny, but—there’s
-nothing funny to me about it.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The elder man’s face grew serious.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’m beginning to believe you’ll make
-good, Dalrymple. I hope so, for your
-sake and for the sake of the Association.
-If you don’t, we’ll have to order you
-back.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I’ll take that chance. You gentlemen
-think I’m unfit to wear these clothes and—maybe
-I was yesterday, or even this morning.
-But when I saw myself in this uniform
-I took stock and cleaned house. I
-got all my bad habits together and laid
-them away in moth-balls for the duration
-of the war.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“That means something for a man like
-you. What induced you to do it?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“This.” Dimples stroked his khaki sleeve
-with reverent, caressing fingers. “It’s
-almost like the real thing, isn’t it? Not
-quite, but near enough. It’s as near as I
-can ever get, and I sha’n’t do anything to
-disgrace it. I can shut my eyes and
-imagine it <i>is</i> the real thing. I don’t suppose
-you understand in the least what I’m
-driving at—”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I think I understand thoroughly, sir.
-But don’t believe for a moment there is
-anything counterfeit, anything bullet-proof,
-about what you have on. You will be
-fighting, Dalrymple, just the same as the
-other boys; every service you perform,
-every word of cheer, every deed of kindness,
-will be a bomb dropped back of the
-German lines. Why, man, do you know
-that the work of the Y. M. C. A. adds
-ten per cent. to our fighting force? It’s
-a fact; Pershing says so. If you make
-good, you’ll be adding one man to every
-ten you meet.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘One man to every ten!’” Dimples
-breathed. “That’s great! That’s more
-than I could have done the other way. I’m
-good for something, after all.”</p>
-
-<hr class='c013' />
-
-<p class='c012'>It seemed impossible that a wealthy,
-prominent young New York club-man could
-so quickly, so utterly drop out of sight as
-did Dimples Dalrymple. One day he was
-in his familiar haunts, a rotund, mirth-provoking
-spectacle in his bulging uniform,
-with his tiny overseas cap set above his
-round, red face like the calyx of a huge ripe
-berry; the next day he was gone, and for
-several months thereafter his world knew
-him not.</p>
-
-<div id='i_49' class='figcenter id003'>
-<img src='images/049.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' />
-<div class='ic002'>
-<p>A ROTUND, MIRTH-PROVOKING SPECTACLE IN HIS BULGING UNIFORM, WITH HIS TINY OVERSEAS CAP SET ABOVE HIS ROUND, RED FACE LIKE THE CALYX OF A HUGE RIPE BERRY</p>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c001' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='IV' class='c005'>CHAPTER IV<br /> <br /><i>Hill Two Eighty-five</i></h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_6 c011'>Captain Shipp, now attached to a
-famous division awaiting embarkation,
-was the first to hear from him. He
-read Dimples’s letter twice before passing it
-on. It ran as follows:</p>
-
-<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>Dear Brigadier-General</span>,—You must be all of
-the above by this time; if not, there is favoritism
-somewhere and you ought to complain about it.
-Probably you’re wondering where I am. Well,
-that’s your privilege, Brig. I’m in a two-by-four
-village with a name as long as the Frisco System, and
-you’ll instantly recognize it when I tell you it has
-one white street and a million rats. There are no
-houses whatever. Further information might give
-aid and comfort to the enemy.</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>I’ve written lots of letters back home, but this is
-the first one of my own that I’ve had time for.
-I’m in the game, Brig, and I haven’t fumbled the
-ball. I live in a little tin shanty with a sand-bag
-roof, and I wear a little tin hat that holds just enough
-warm water to shave with. It held more—until
-lately; now there’s a hole in it that I wouldn’t trade
-for the Hudson “tube.” I was starting out with
-two cans of hot cocoa when the street was shelled.
-I spilled the boys’ cocoa and got a dent in my own,
-but those Bessemer derbies are certainly handy
-shock-absorbers. I woke up with my head in
-Dr. Peters’s lap.</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>Right here I must make you acquainted with Pete.
-He’s a hundred-pound hymn-weevil, and the best
-all-round reverend that ever snatched a brand from
-the burning. He dragged me in under cover all
-alone, and he used no hooks. Pretty good for a
-guy his size, eh?</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>Pete and I are partners in crime—and, say, the
-stuff we pull in this hut! Movies, theatricals, concerts,
-boxing-bees—with the half-portion reverend
-in every scrimmage. He’s a Syncopated Baptist,
-or an Episcopalian Elk, or something; anyhow,
-he’s nine parts human and one part divine. That’s
-the way the Y is wearing them over here. He’s got
-the pep, and the boys swear by him. When the
-war is over he hopes to get a little church somewhere,
-and I’m going to see that he does, if I have to buy it,
-for I want to hear him preach. I never have heard
-him, but I’ll bet he’s a bear. Take it from me,
-he’ll need a modest cathedral with about six acres
-of parking-space inside and a nail in the door for
-the S. R. O. sign.</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>We have a piano, and games, and writing-materials,
-and a stock of candy and tobacco and
-chocolate and stuff like that. I haven’t tasted a
-single chocolate. Fact! But it has made an old
-man of me. Gee! I’d give that loft building on
-Sixteenth Street to be alone with an order of corn-starch
-pudding. However, barring the fact that I
-haven’t lost an ounce in weight, I’m having a grand
-time, for there’s always something to do. Details
-are constantly passing through, to and from the
-front-line trenches, which (whisper) are so close that
-we can smell the Germans. That’s the reason we
-wear nose-bags full of chloride of lime or something.
-Pete and I spend our days making millions of gallons
-of tea and coffee and cocoa, and selling canned
-goods, and sewing on buttons, and cracking jokes,
-and playing the piano, and lugging stretchers, and
-making doughnuts, and getting the boys to write
-home to mother, and various little odd jobs; then,
-at night, we take supplies up to the lads in the front
-row of the orchestra. That’s a pretty game, by
-the way, for a man of my size. Nobody ever undertakes
-to pass me in a trench; I lie down and let them
-climb over. It keeps the boys good-natured, and
-that’s part of my job. “Hill Two Eighty-five”—that’s
-what they call me.</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>We had a caller to-day. One of the Krupp family
-dropped in on us and jazzed up the whole premises.
-There is Bull Durham and rice-papers and chocolate
-and raspberry jam all over this village, and one
-corner of our hut has gone away from here entirely.
-We haven’t found the stove, either, although Pete
-retrieved the damper, and the rest of it is probably
-somewhere near by.</p>
-
-<p class='c014'>Of course I had nothing hot for the boys when
-I went up to-night. It was raining, too, and cold.
-But they didn’t mind. They don’t mind anything—they’re
-wonderful that way. We all had a good
-laugh over it, and they pretended they were glad it
-was the stove and not I that got strafed. I really
-believe they like me. Anyhow, they made me think
-they do, and I was so pleased I couldn’t resist
-sitting down and writing you. Altogether, it was
-a great day and a perfect evening.</p>
-
-<div class='lg-container-r c015'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>Yours till the last “down,”</div>
- <div class='line'>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<span class='sc'>Dimples</span>.</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c001' />
-</div>
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='V' class='c005'>CHAPTER V<br /> <br /><i>Dimples Takes Part in a Ceremony</i></h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_6 c011'>During the first few weeks after his
-arrival in France Captain Shipp had
-no time whatever for affairs of his own, but
-a day came finally when he took a train for
-a certain base close up behind an American
-sector, intending there to more definitely
-locate Dimples’s whereabouts and to walk
-in upon him unannounced. It would be a
-memorable reunion; he could hear now the
-big fellow’s shout of welcome. That genial
-behemoth would have a tale to unfold, and
-they would talk steadily until Shipp’s leave
-was up.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>But bad news was waiting at the base—news
-that sent the captain hurrying from
-first one hospital to another.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Dalrymple? Oh yes, he’s here,” an
-orderly informed the distracted visitor.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Is he—&nbsp;May I see him?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>A small, hollow-eyed man with a red
-triangle upon his sleeve rose from a chair
-and approached to inquire:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Are you, by any chance, Captain
-Shipp?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I am.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Dimples has often spoken of you. He
-has been expecting you for weeks. I’m
-just going in.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“You are Doctor Peters—Pete?” The
-Y secretary nodded. “What ails him? I
-heard he was wounded—”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Yes. His leg. It’s very serious. I
-come every day.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The speaker led the way, and Shipp followed
-down a long hall redolent of sickly
-drug smells, past clean white operating-rooms
-peopled with silent-moving figures,
-past doors through which the captain
-glimpsed dwindling rows of beds and occasional
-sights that caused his face to set.
-In that hushed half-whisper assumed by
-hospital visitors, he inquired:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“How did it happen?”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“There was a raid—a heavy barrage and
-considerable gas—and it caught him while
-he was up with supplies for the men. He
-began helping the wounded out, of course.
-It was a nasty affair—our men were new,
-you see, and it was pretty trying for green
-troops. They said, later, that he helped
-to steady them quite as much as did their
-officers.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I can believe that. He’s a man to tie
-to.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Yes, yes. We all felt that, the very
-first day he came. Why, he was an inspiration
-to the men! He was mother,
-brother, pal, servant to the best and to the
-worst of them. Always laughing, singing—There!
-Listen!”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>The Reverend Doctor Peters paused
-inside the entrance to a ward, and Shipp
-heard a familiar voice raised in quavering
-song:</p>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>“By the star-shell’s light,</div>
- <div class='line in1'>I see you; I see you.</div>
- <div class='line in1'>If you want to see your father in the Fatherland,</div>
- <div class='line in1'>Keep your head down, Fritzie boy.”</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Why”—Shipp uttered a choking cry—“he’s
-out of his head!”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Oh yes; he has been that way ever
-since they amputated.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘Amp—’ Good God!” Shipp groped
-blindly for support; briefly he covered his
-eyes. Then, like a man in a trance, he
-followed down the aisle until he stood,
-white-lipped and trembling, at the foot of
-Dalrymple’s bed.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>It was difficult to recognize Dimples in
-this pallid, shrunken person with the dark,
-roving eyes and babbling tongue. The
-voice alone was unchanged; it was husky,
-faint as if from long, long use, but it was
-brave and confident; it ran on ceaselessly:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Keep your nerve up, pal; you’re standing
-it like a hero, and we’ll have you out to
-the road in no time. Smokes! I tell you
-they must have smokes if you have to
-bring ’em in on your back—Gangway
-for the soup-man! Come and get it, boys.
-Hot soup—like mother used to make. Put
-on the Harry Lauder record again. Now
-then, all together:</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>“I love a lassie, a bonnie, blue-eyed lassie.”</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c012'>The little minister had laid a cool hand
-upon Dimples’s burning brow; his head was
-bowed; his lips were moving.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“When did you write to your mother
-last?” the sick man babbled on. “Sure
-I’ll post it for you, and I’ll add a line of my
-own to comfort her—Water! Can’t you
-understand? He wants water, and mine’s
-gone. Too fat to fight! But I’ll make
-good; I’ll serve. Give me a chance—Steady,
-boys! They’re coming. They’re
-at the wire. Now give ’em hell! We’ll
-say it together, old man: ‘Our Father which
-art in heaven, hallowed be thy name—’”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>There were scalding tears in Shipp’s
-eyes; his throat was aching terribly when
-Doctor Peters finally led him out of the
-ward. The last sound he heard was Dalrymple’s
-voice quavering:</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>“Over there!&nbsp;&nbsp;Over there!</div>
- <div>And we won’t come back till it’s over, over there.”</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c012'>“I had my hands full at the hut, for the
-wounded were coming in,” Doctor Peters
-was saying, “but every one says Dimples
-did a man’s work up there in the mud and
-the darkness. Some of the fellows confessed
-that they couldn’t have hung on,
-cut off as they were, only for him. But they
-did. It was late the next day before we
-picked him up. He was right out in the
-open; he’d been on his way back with a
-man over his shoulders. He was very
-strong, you know, and most of the stretcher-bearers
-had been shot down. The wounded
-man was dying, so Dimples walked into the
-barrage.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“And he was afraid he wouldn’t make
-good!” Shipp muttered, with a crooked,
-mirthless smile.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Yes—imagine it! There was never a
-day that he didn’t make me ashamed of
-myself, never a day that he didn’t do two
-men’s work. No task was too hard, too
-disagreeable, too lowly. And always a
-smile, a word of cheer, of hope. Our
-Master washed people’s feet and cooked a
-breakfast for hungry fishermen. Well, the
-spirit of Christ lives again in that boy.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Shipp’s leave had several days to run;
-such time as he did not spend with Doctor
-Peters he put in at Dimples’s bedside. He
-was there when the delirium broke; his
-face was the first that Dimples recognized;
-his hand was the first that Dimples’s groping
-fingers weakly closed upon.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>They had little to say to each other; they
-merely murmured a few words and smiled;
-and while Dimples feasted his eyes upon
-the brown face over him, Shipp held his
-limp, wasted hand tight and stroked it,
-and vowed profanely that the sick man
-was looking very fit.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Later in the day the captain said, with
-something like gruffness in his voice:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Lucky thing you pulled yourself together,
-old man, for you’re booked to take
-part in a ceremony to-morrow. A famous
-French general is going to kiss you on both
-cheeks and pin a doodad of some sort on
-your nightie.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples was amazed.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Me? Why, the idea!”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Sure!” Shipp nodded vigorously. “Ridiculous,
-isn’t it? And think of me standing
-at attention while he does it. Pretty soft
-for you Y fellows. Here you are going home
-with a decoration before I’ve even smelled
-powder.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Oh, I’m not going home,” the other
-declared. “Not yet, anyhow. A one-legged
-man can sell cigarettes and sew on
-buttons and make doughnuts just as well
-as a centipede.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>A smiling nurse paused at the bed to
-say:</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“You’re awfully thin, Mr. Dalrymple,
-but we’ll soon have you nice and fat again.
-The doctor says you’re to have the most
-nourishing food—anything you want, in
-fact.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“‘<i>Anything?</i>’”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Anything within reason.”</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>Dimples grinned wistfully, yet happily.</p>
-
-<p class='c012'>“Gee!” said he. “I’d like some cornstarch
-pudding.”</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c003'>
- <div><span class='small'>THE END</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c002' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>Transcriber’s note:</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c016'>Cover, full stop inserted after ‘D,’ “T. D. SKIDMORE”</p>
-
-<p class='c016'>Page 23, ‘pi’ changed to ‘pin,’ “striving to pin the man’s hateful”</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Too Fat to Fight, by Rex Beach
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