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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/5052.txt b/5052.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..22ee7ee --- /dev/null +++ b/5052.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4475 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Absalom's Hair, by Bjornstjerne Bjornson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Absalom's Hair + +Author: Bjornstjerne Bjornson + +Posting Date: August 25, 2012 [EBook #5052] +Release Date: February, 2004 +First Posted: April 11, 2002 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ABSALOM'S HAIR *** + + + + +Produced by Nicole Apostola, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +ABSALOM'S HAIR + +BJORNSTJERNE BJORNSON + + + + +CHAPTER 1 + + +Harald Kaas was sixty. + +He had given up his free, uncriticised bachelor life; his yacht was no +longer seen off the coast in summer; his tours to England and the south +had ceased; nay, he was rarely to be found even at his club in +Christiania. His gigantic figure was never seen in the doorways; he was +failing. + +Bandy-legged he had always been, but this defect had increased; his +herculean back was rounded, and he stooped a little. His forehead, +always of the broadest--no one else's hat would fit him--was now one of +the highest, that is to say, he had lost all his hair, except a ragged +lock over each ear and a thin fringe behind. He was beginning also to +lose his teeth, which were strong though small, and blackened by +tobacco; and now, instead of "deuce take it" he said "deush take it." + +He had always held his hands half closed as though grasping something; +now they had stiffened so that he could never open them fully. The +little finger of his left hand had been bitten off "in gratitude" by an +adversary whom he had knocked down: according to Harald's version of +the story, he had compelled the fellow to swallow the piece on the spot. + +He was fond of caressing the stump, and it often served as an +introduction to the history of his exploits, which became greater and +greater as he grew older and quieter. + +His small sharp eyes were deep set and looked at one with great +intensity. There was power in his individuality, and, besides shrewd +sense, he possessed a considerable gift for mechanics. His boundless +self-esteem was not devoid of greatness, and the emphasis with which +both body and soul proclaimed themselves made him one of the originals +of the country. + +Why was he nothing more? + +He lived on his estate, Hellebergene, whose large woods skirted the +coast, while numerous leasehold farms lay along the course of the +river. At one time this estate had belonged to the Kurt family, and had +now come back to them, in so far as that Harald's father, as every one +knew, was not a Kaas at all, but a Kurt; it was he who had got the +estate together again; a book might be written about the ways and means +that he had employed. + +The house looked out over a bay studded with islands; farther out were +more islands and the open sea. An immensely long building, raised on an +old and massive foundation, its eastern wing barely half furnished, the +western inhabited by Harald Kaas, who lived his curious life here. + +These wings were connected by two covered galleries, one above the +other, with stairs at each end. + +Curiously enough, these galleries did not face the sea, that is, the +south, but the fields and woods to the north. The portion of the house +between the two wings was a neutral territory--namely, a large +dining-room with a ballroom above it, neither of which was used in +later years. + +Harald Kaas's suite of rooms was distinguished from without by a mighty +elk's head with its enormous antlers, which was set up over the gallery. + +In the gallery itself were heads of bear, wolf, fox and lynx, with +stuffed birds from land and sea. Skins and guns hung on the walls of +the anteroom, the inner rooms were also full of skins and impregnated +with the smell of wild animals and tobacco-smoke. Harald himself called +it "Man-smell;" no one who had once put his nose inside could ever +forget it. + +Valuable and beautiful skins hung on the walls and covered the floors; +his very bed was nothing else; Harald Kaas lay, and sat, and walked on +skins, and each one of them was a welcome subject of conversation, for +he had shot and flayed every single animal himself. To be sure, there +were those who hinted that most of the skins had been bought from Brand +and Company, of Bergen, and that only the stories were shot and flayed +at home. + +I for my part think that this was an exaggeration; but be that as it +may, the effect was equally thrilling when Harald Kaas, seated in his +log chair by the fireside, his feet on the bearskin, opened his shirt +to show us the scars on his hairy chest (and what scars they were!) +which had been made by the bear's teeth, when he had driven his knife, +right up to the haft, into the monster's heart. All the queer tankards, +and cupboards, and carved chairs listened with their wonted +impassiveness. + +Harald Kaas was sixty, when, in the month of July, he sailed into the +bay accompanied by four ladies whom he had brought from the steamer--an +elderly lady and three young ones, all related to him. They were to +stay with him until August. + +They occupied the upper storey. From it they could hear him walking +about and grunting below them. They began to feel a little nervous. +Indeed, three of them had had serious misgivings about accepting the +invitation; and these misgivings were not diminished when, next +morning, they saw Kaas composedly strolling up from the sea stark naked! + +They screamed, and, gathering together, still in their nightgowns, held +a council of war as to the advisability of leaving at once; but when +one of them cried "You should not have called us, Aunt, and then we +should not have seen him," they could not help laughing, and therewith +the whole affair ended. Certainly they were a little stiff at +breakfast; but when Harold Kaas began a story about an old black mare +of his which was in love with a young brown horse over at the Dean's, +and which plunged madly if any other horse came near her, but, on the +other hand, put her head coaxingly on one side and whinnied "like a +dainty girl" whenever the parson's horse came that way--well, at that +they had to give in, as well first as last. + +If they had strayed here out of curiosity they must just put up with +the "NIGHT side of nature," as Harald Kaas expressed it, with the +stress on the first word. + +For all that they were nearly frightened out of their wits the very +next night, when he discharged his gun right under their windows. The +aunt even asserted that he had shot through her open casement. She +screamed loudly, and the others, starting from their sleep, were out on +the floor before they knew where they were. Then they crouched in the +windows and peeped out, although their aunt declared that they would +certainly be shot--they really must see what it was. + +Yes! there they saw him among the cherry and apple trees, gun in hand, +and they could hear him swearing. In the greatest trepidation they +crept back into bed again. Next morning they learned that he had shot +at some night prowlers, one of whom had got "half the charge in his +leg, that he had, Deush take him! It ain't the prowling I mind, but +that he should prowl here. We bachelors will have no one poaching on +our preserves." + +The four ladies sat as stiff as four church candles, till at length one +of them sprang up with a scream, the others joining in chorus. + +The visitors were not bored; Harald Kaas dealt too much in the +unexpected for that. There was a charm, too, in the great woods, where +there had been no felling since he had come into the property, and +there were merry walks by the riverside and plenty of fish in the river. + +They bathed, they took delightful sails in the cutter and drives about +the neighbourhood, though certainly the turn-out was none of the +smartest. + +The youngest of the girls, Kristen Ravn, presently became less eager to +join in these expeditions. She had fallen in love with the disused east +wing of the house, and there she spent many a long hour, alone by the +open window, gazing out at the great lime-trees which stood straggling, +gaunt, and mysterious. + +"You ought to build a balcony here, out towards the sea," she said. +"Look how the water glitters between the limes." + +When once she had hit upon a plan, Kristen Ravn never relinquished it, +and when she had suggested it some four or five times, he promised that +it should be done. But on the heels of this scheme came another. + +"Below the first balcony there must be another wider one," said she in +her soft voice, "and it must have steps at each end down to the +lawn--the lawn is so lovely just here." + +The unheard-of presumption of her demand inoculated him with the idea, +and at length he consented to this as well. + +"The rooms must be refurnished," she gravely commanded. "The one next +to the balcony which is to be built under here shall be in yellow pine, +and the floor must be polished." She pointed with her long delicate +hand. "ALL the floors must be polished. I will give you the design for +the room above, I have thought it carefully out." And in imagination +she papered the walls, arranged the furniture, and hung up curtains of +wondrous patterns. + +"I know, too, how the other rooms are to be done," she added. And she +went from one to the other, remaining a little while in each. He +followed, like an old horse led by the bridle. + +Before their visit was half over he most coolly neglected three out of +his four guests. + +His deep-set eyes twinkled with the liveliest admiration whenever she +approached. He sought in the faces of the others the admiration which +he himself felt: he would amble round her like an old photographic +camera which had the power of setting itself up. + +But from the day when she took down from his bookshelf a French work on +mechanics, a subject with which she was evidently acquainted and for +which she declared that she had a natural aptitude, it was all over +with him. From that day forward, if she were present, he effaced +himself both in word and action. + +In the mornings when he met her in one of her characteristic costumes +he laughed softly, or gazed and gazed at her, and then glanced towards +the others. She did not talk much, but every word that she uttered +aroused his admiration. But he was most of all captivated when she sat +quietly apart, heedless of every one: at such times he resembled an old +parrot expectant of sugar. + +His linen had always been snowy white, but beyond this he had taken no +special pains with his toilet; but now he strutted about in a Tussore +silk coat, which he had bought in Algiers, but had at once put aside +because it was too tight--he looked like a clipt box hedge in it. + +Now, who was this lion-tamer of twenty-one, who, without in the least +wishing to do so, unconsciously even (she was the quietest of the +party), had made the monarch of the forest crouch at her feet and gaze +at her in abject humility? + +Look at her, as she sits there, with her loose shining hair of the +prettiest shade of dark red; look at her broad forehead and prominent +nose, but more than all at those large wondering eyes; look at her +throat and neck, her tall slight figure; notice especially the +Renaissance dress which she wears, its style and colour, and your +curiosity will still remain unsatisfied, for she has an individuality +all her own. + +Kristen Ravn had lost her mother at her birth and her father when she +was five years old. The latter left her a handsome fortune, with the +express condition that the investments should not be changed, and that +the income should be for her own use whether she married or not. He +hoped by this means to form her character. She was brought up by three +different members of her wide-branching family, a family which might +more properly be termed a clan, although they had no common +characteristics beyond a desire to go their own way. + +When two Ravns meet they, as a rule, differ on every subject; but as a +race they hold religiously together--indeed, in their eyes there is no +other family which is "amusing," the favourite adjective of the Ravns. + +Kristen had a receptive nature; she read everything, and remembered +what she read; that is say, she had a logical mind, for a retentive +memory implies an orderly brain. She was consequently NUMBER ONE in +everything which she took up. This, coupled with the fact that she +lived among those who regarded her somewhat as a speculation, and +consequently flattered her, had early made an impression on her nature, +quite as great, indeed, as the possession of money. + +She was by no means proud, it was not in the Ravn nature to be so; but +at ten years old she had left off playing; she preferred to wander in +the woods and compose ballads. At twelve she insisted on wearing silk +dresses, and, in the teeth of an aunt all curls and lace and with a +terrible flow of words, she carried her point. She held herself erect +and prim in her silks, and still remained NUMBER ONE. She composed +verses about Sir Adge and Maid Else, about birds and flowers and sad +things. + +On reaching the age at which other girls, who have the means, begin to +wear silk dresses, she left them off. She was tired, she said, of the +"smooth and glossy." + +She now grew enthusiastic for fine wool and expensive velvet of every +shade. Dresses in the Renaissance style became her favourites, and the +subject of her studies. She puffed out her bodices like those in +Leonardo's and Rafael's portraits of women, and tried in other ways as +well to resemble them. + +She left off writing verses, and wrote stories instead; the style was +good, though they were anything rather than spontaneous. + +They were short, with a more or less clear pointe. Stories by a girl of +eighteen do not as a general rule make a sensation, but these were +particularly audacious. It was evident that their only object was to +scandalise. Instead of her own name she used the nom-de-plume of +"Puss." This, however, was only to postpone the announcement that the +author who scandalised her readers most, and that at a time when every +author strove to do so, was a girl of eighteen belonging to one of the +first families in the country. + +Soon every one knew that "Puss" was she of the tumbled red locks, "the +tall Renaissance figure with the Titian hair." + +Her hair was abundant, glossy, and slightly curling; she still wore it +hanging loose over her neck and shoulders, as she had done as a child. +Her great eyes seemed to look out upon a new world; but one felt that +the lower part of her face was scarcely in harmony with the upper. The +cheeks fell in a little; the prominent nose made the mouth look smaller +than it actually was; her neck seemed only to lead the eye downward to +her bosom, which almost appeared to caress her throat, especially when +her head was bent forward, as was generally the case. And very +beautiful the throat was, delicate in colour, superb in contour, and +admirably set upon the bust. For this reason she could never find in +her heart to hide this full white neck, but always kept it uncovered. +Her finely moulded bust surmounting a slender waist and small hips, her +rounded arms, her long hands, her graceful carriage, in her +tightly-fitting dress, formed such a striking picture that one did more +than look--one was obliged to study her, When the elegance and beauty +of her dress were taken into account, one realised how much +intelligence and artistic taste had here been exercised. + +She was friendly in society, natural and composed, always occupied with +something, always with that wondering expression. She spoke very +little, but her words were always well chosen. + +All this, and her general disposition, made people chary of opposing +her, more especially those who knew how intelligent she was and how +much knowledge she possessed. + +She had no friends of her own, but her innumerable relations supplied +her with society, gossip, and flattery, and were at once her friends +and body-guard. She would have had to go abroad to be alone. + +Among these relations she was a princess: they not only paid her +homage, but had sworn by "Life and Death" that she must marry without +more ado, which was absolutely against her wish. + +From her childhood she had been laying by money, but the amount of her +savings was far less than her relations supposed. This rather mythical +fortune contributed not a little to the fact that "every one" was in +love with her. Not only the bachelors of the family, that was a matter +of course, but artists and amateurs, even the most blase, swarmed round +her, la jeunesse doree (which is homely enough in Norway), without an +exception. A living work of art, worth more or less money, piquante and +admired, how each longed to carry her home, to gloat over her, to call +her his own! + +There was surely more intensity of feeling near her than near others, a +losing of oneself in one only; that unattainable dream of the +world-weary. + +With her one could lead a thoroughly stylish life, full of art and +taste and comfort. She was highly cultivated, and absolutely +emancipated--our little country did not, in those days, possess a more +alluring expression. + +When face to face with her they were uncertain how to act, whether to +approach her diffidently or boldly, smile or look serious, talk or be +silent. + +What these idle wooers gleaned from her stories, her characteristic +dress, her wondering eyes, and her quiet dreaminess, was not the +highest, but they expended their energy thereon; so that their +unbounded discomfiture may be imagined when, in the autumn, the news +spread that Fruken Kristen Ravn was married to Harald Kaas. + +They burst into peals of derisive laughter they scoffed, they +exclaimed; the only explanation they could offer was that they had too +long hesitated to try their fortune. + +There were others, who both knew and admired her, who were no less +dismayed. They were more than disappointed--the word is too weak; to +many of them it seemed simply deplorable. How on earth could it have +happened? Every one, herself excepted, knew that it would ruin her life. + +On Kristen Ravn's independent position, her strong character, her rare +courage, on her knowledge, gifts, and energy, many, especially women, +had built up a future for the cause of Woman. Had she not already +written fearlessly for it? Her tendency towards eccentricity and +paradox would soon have worn off, they thought, as the struggle carried +her forward, and at last she might have become one of the first +champions of the cause. All that was noblest and best in Kristen must +predominate in the end. + +And now the few who seek to explain life's perplexities rather than to +condemn them discovered--Some of them, that the defiant tone of her +writings and her love of opposition bespoke a degree of vanity +sufficient to have led her into fallacy. Others maintained that hers +was essentially a romantic nature which might cause her to form a false +estimate both of her own powers and of the circumstances of life. +Others, again, had heard something of how this husband and wife lived, +one in each wing of the house, with different staffs of servants, and +with separate incomes; that she had furnished her side in her own way, +at her own expense, and had apparently conceived the idea of a new kind +of married life. Some people declared that the great lime-trees near +the mansion at Hellebergene were alone responsible for the marriage. +They soughed so wondrously in the summer evenings, and the sea beneath +their branches told such enthralling stories. Those grand old woods, +the like of which were hardly to be found in impoverished Norway, were +far dearer to her than was her husband. Her imagination had been taken +captive by the trees, and thus Harald Kaas had taken HER. The estate, +the climate, the exclusive possession of her part of the house: this +was the bait which she had chosen. Harald Kaas was only a kind of Puck +who had to be taken along with it. But it is doubtful whether this +conjecture was any nearer the truth. No one ever really knew. She was +not one of those whom it is easy to catechise. + +Every one wearies at last of trying to solve even the most interesting +of enigmas. No one could tolerate the sound of her name when, four +months after her marriage, she was seen in a stall at the Christiania +Theatre just as in old days, though looking perhaps a little paler. +Every opera-glass was levelled at her. She wore a light, almost white, +dress, cut square as usual. She did not hide her face behind her fan. +She looked about her with her wondering eyes, as though she was quite +unconscious that there were other people in the theatre or that any one +could be looking at her. Even the most pertinacious were forced to +concede that she was both physically and mentally unique, with a charm +all her own. + +But just as she had become once more the subject of general +conversation, she disappeared. It afterwards transpired that her +husband had fetched her away, though hardly any one had seen him. It +was concluded that they must have had their first quarrel over it. + +Accurate information about their joint life was never obtained. The +attempts of her relations to force themselves upon them were quite +without result, except that they found out that she was enceinte, +notwithstanding her utmost efforts to conceal the fact. + +She sent neither letter nor announcement; but in the summer, when she +was next seen in Christiania, she was wheeling a perambulator along +Karl Johan Street, her eyes as wondering as though some one had just +put it between her hands. She looked handsomer and more blooming than +ever. + +In the perambulator lay a boy with his mother's broad forehead, his +mother's red hair. The child was charmingly dressed, and he, as well as +the perambulator, was so daintily equipped, so completely in harmony +with herself, that every one understood the reply that she gave, when, +after the usual congratulations, her acquaintances inquired, "Shall we +soon have a new story from you?"--she answered, "A new story? Here it +is!" + +But, notwithstanding the unalloyed happiness which she displayed here, +it could no longer be concealed that more often than not she was absent +from home, and that she never mentioned her husband's name. If any one +spoke of him to her, she changed the subject. By the time that the boy +was a year old, it had become evident that she contemplated leaving +Hellebergene entirely. She had been in Christiania for some time and +had gone home to make arrangements, saying that she should come back in +a few days. + +But she never did so. + +The day after her return home, while the numerous servants at +Hellebergene, as well as the labourers with their wives and children, +were all assembled at the potato digging, Harald Kaas appeared, +carrying his wife under his left arm like a sack. He held her round the +waist, feet first, her face downwards and hidden by her hair, her hands +convulsively clutching his left thigh, her legs sometimes hanging down, +sometimes straight out. He walked composedly out with her, holding in +his right hand a bunch of long fresh birch twigs. A little way from the +gallery he paused, and laying her across his left knee, he tore off +some of her clothes, and beat her until the blood flowed. She never +uttered a sound. When he put her from him, she tremblingly +rearranged--first her hair, thus displaying her face just as the blood +flowed back from it, leaving it deadly white. Tears of pain and shame +rolled down her cheeks; but still not a sound. She tried to rearrange +her dress, but her tattered garments trailed behind her as she went +back to the house. She shut the door after her, but had to open it +again; her torn clothes had caught fast in it. + +The women stood aghast; some of the children screamed with fright: this +infected the rest, and there was a chorus of sobs. The men, most of +whom had been sitting smoking their pipes, but who had sprung to their +feet again, stood filled with shame and indignation. + +It had not been without a pang that Harald Kaas had done this, his face +and manner had shown it for a long time and still did so; but he had +expected that a roar of laughter would greet his extraordinary vagary. +This was evident from the composure with which he had carried his wife +out; and still more from the glance of gratified revenge with which he +looked round him afterwards. But there was only dead stillness, +succeeded by weeping, sobbing, and indignation. He stood there for a +moment, quite overcome, then went indoors again, a defeated, utterly +broken man. + +In every encounter with this delicate creature the giant had been +worsted. + +After this, however, she never went beyond the grounds. For the first +few years she was only seen by the people about the estate, and by them +but seldom. Sometimes she would take her boy out in his little +carriage, or, as time went on, would lead him by the hand, sometimes +she was alone. She was generally wrapped in a big shawl, a different +one for each dress she wore, and which she always held tightly round +her. This was so characteristic of her that to this day I hear people +from the neighbourhood talk about it as though she were never seen +otherwise. + +What then did she do? She studied; she had given up writing: for more +than one reason it had become distasteful to her. She had changed roles +with her husband, giving herself up to mathematics, chemistry, and +physics, she made calculations and analyses--sending for books and +materials for these objects. The people on the estate saw nothing +extraordinary in all this. From the first they had admired her delicacy +and beauty. Every one admired her; it was only the manner and degree +that varied. + +Little by little she came to be regarded as one whose life and thoughts +were beyond their comprehension. + +She sought no one, but to those who came to her she never refused +help--more or less. She made herself well acquainted with the facts of +each case; no one could ever deceive her. Whether she gave much or +little, she imposed no conditions, she never lectured them. Her opinion +was expressed by the amount that she gave. + +Her husband's behaviour towards her was such that, had she not been +very popular, she could not have remained at Hellebergene; that is to +say, he opposed and thwarted her in every way he could; but every one +took her part. + +The boy! Could not he have been a bond of union? On the contrary, there +were those who declared that it was from the time of his birth that +things had gone amiss between the parents. The first time that his +father saw him the nurse reported that he "came in like a lord and went +out like a beggar!" The mother lay down again and laughed; the nurse +had never seen the like of it before. Had he expected that his child +must of necessity resemble him, only to find it the image of its mother? + +When the boy was old enough he loved to wander across to his father's +rooms where there were so many curious things to see; his father always +received him kindly, talking in a way suited to his childish +intelligence, but he would take occasion to cut away a quantity of his +hair. His mother let it grow free and long like her own, and his father +perpetually cut it. The boy would have been glad enough to be rid of +it, but when he grew a little older, he comprehended his father's +motive, and thenceforth he was on his guard. + +When the people on the estate had told him something of his father's +highly-coloured histories of his feats of strength and his achievements +by land and water, the boy began to feel a shy admiration for him, but +at the same time he felt all the more strongly the intolerable yoke +which he laid upon them--upon every living being on the estate. It +became a secret religion with him to oppose his father and help his +mother, for it was she who suffered. He would resemble her even to his +hair, he would protect her, he would make it all up to her. It was a +positive delight to him when his father made him suffer: he absolutely +felt proud when he called him Rafaella, instead of Rafael, the name +which his mother had chosen for him; it was the one that she loved best. + +No one was allowed to use the boats or the carriage, no one might walk +through the woods, which had been fenced in, the horses were never +taken out. No repairs were undertaken; if Fru Kaas attempted to have +anything done at her own expense, the workmen were ordered off: there +could no longer be any doubt about it, he wished everything to go to +rack and ruin. The property went from bad to worse, and the +woods--well! It was no secret, every one on the place talked about +it--the timber was being utterly ruined. The best and largest trees +were already rotten; by degrees the rest would become so. + +At twelve years of age Rafael began to receive religious teaching from +the Dean: the only subject in which his mother did not instruct him. He +shared these lessons with Helene, the Dean's only child, who was four +years younger than Rafael and of whom he was devotedly fond. + +The Dean told them the story of David. The narrative was unfolded with +additions and explanations; the boy made a picture of it to himself; +his mother had taught him everything in this way. + +Assyrian warriors with pointed beards, oblique eyes, and oblong +shields, had to represent the Israelites; they marched by in an endless +procession. He saw the blue-green of the vineyards on the hillside, the +shadow of the dusty palm-trees upon the dusty road. Then a wood of +aromatic trees into which all the warriors fled. + +Then followed the story of Absalom. + +"Absalom rebelled against his father, what a dreadful thing to think +of," said the Dean. "A grown-up man to rebel against his father." He +chanced to look towards Rafael, who turned as red as fire. + +The thought which was constantly in his mind was that when he was grown +up he should rebel against his father. + +"But Absalom was punished in a marvellous manner," continued the Dean. +"He lost the battle, and as he fled through the woods, his long hair +caught in a tree, the horse ran away from under him, and he was left +hanging there until he was run through by a spear." + +Rafael could see Absalom hanging there, not in the long Assyrian +garments, not with a pointed beard. No! Slender and young, in Rafael's +tight-fitting breeches and stockings, and with his own red hair! Ah! +how distinctly he saw it! The horse galloping far away--the grey one at +home which he used to ride by stealth when his father was asleep after +dinner. He could see the tall, slender lad, dangling and swaying, with +a spear through his body. Distinctly! Distinctly! + +This vision, which he never mentioned to a soul, he could not get rid +of. To be left hanging there by his hair--what a strange punishment for +rebelling against his father! + +Certainly he already knew the history, but till now he had paid no +special heed to it. + +It was on a Friday that this great impression had been made on him, and +on the following Thursday morning he awoke to see his mother standing +over him with her most wondering expression. Her hair still as she had +plaited it for the night; one plait had touched him on the nose and +awoke him before she spoke. She stood bending over him, in her long +white nightgown with its dainty lace trimming, and with bare feet. She +would never have come in like that if something terrible had not +happened. Why did she not speak? only look and look--or was she really +frightened? + +"Mother!" he cried, sitting up. + +Then she bent close down to him. "THE MAN IS DEAD," she whispered. It +was his father whom she called "the man," she never spoke of him +otherwise. + +Rafael did not comprehend what she said, or perhaps it paralysed him. +She repeated it again louder and louder, "The man is dead, the man is +dead." + +Then she stood upright, and putting out her bare feet from under her +nightgown, she began to dance--only a few steps; and then she slipped +away through the door which stood half open. He jumped up and ran after +her; there she lay on the sofa, sobbing. She felt that he was behind +her, she raised herself quickly, and, still sobbing, pressed him to her +heart. + +Even when they stood together beside the body, the hand which he had in +his shook so that he threw his arms round her, thinking that she would +fall. + +Later in life, when he recalled this, he understood what she had +silently endured, what an unbending will she had brought to the +struggle, but also what it had cost her. + +At the time he did not in the least comprehend it. He imagined that she +suffered from the horror of the moment as he himself did. + +There lay the giant, in wretchedness and squalor! He who had once +boasted of his cleanliness, and expected the like in others, lay there, +dirty and unshaven, under dirty bed clothes, in linen so ragged and +filthy that no workman on the estate had worse. The clothes which he +had worn the day before lay on a chair beside the bed, miserably +threadbare, foul with dirt, sweat, and tobacco, and stinking like +everything else. His mouth was distorted, his hands tightly clenched; +he had died of a stroke. + +And how forlorn and desolate was all around him! Why had his son never +noticed this before? Why had he never felt that his father was lonely +and forsaken? To how great an extent no words could express. + +Rafael burst into tears; louder and louder grew his sobbing, until it +sounded through all the rooms. The people from the estate came in one +by one. They wished to satisfy their curiosity. + +The boy's crying, unconsciously to himself, influenced them all: they +saw everything in a new light. How unfortunate, how desolate, how +helpless had he been who now lay there. Lord, have mercy on us all! + +When the corpse of Harald Kaas had been laid out, the face shaved, and +the eyes closed, the distortion was less apparent. They could trace +signs of suffering, but the expression was still virile. It seemed a +handsome face to them now. + + + + +CHAPTER 2 + + +Within a few days of the funeral mother and son were in England. + +Rafael was now to enter upon a long course of study, for which, by his +earlier education, his mother had prepared him, and for which, by +painful privations, she had saved up sufficient money. + +The property was to the last degree impoverished, and burdened with +mortgages, and the timber only fit for fuel. + +Their neighbour the Dean, a clear-headed and practical man, took upon +himself the management of affairs; as money was needed the work of +devastation must begin at once. The mother and son did not wish to +witness it. + +They came to England like two fugitives who, after many and great +trials, for affection's sake seek a new home and a new country. + +Rafael was then twelve years old. + +They were inseparable, and in the shiftless life that they led in their +new surroundings they became, if possible, more closely attached to +each other. + +Yet not long afterwards they had their first disagreement. + +He had gone to school, had begun to learn the language and to make +friends, and had developed a great desire to show off. + +He was very tall and slender and was anxious to be athletic. He took an +active part in the play-ground, but here he achieved no great success. +On the other hand, thanks to his mother, he was better informed than +his comrades, and he contrived to obtain prominence by this. This +prominence must be maintained, and nothing answered so well as boasting +about Norway and his father's exploits. His statements were somewhat +exaggerated, but that was not altogether his fault, He knew English +fairly well, but had not mastered its niceties. He made use of +superlatives, which always come the most readily. It was true that he +had inherited from his father twenty guns, a large sailing-boat, and +several smaller ones; but how magnificent these boats and guns had +become! + +He intended to go to the North Pole, he said, as his father had done, +to shoot white bears, and invited them all to come with him. + +He made a greater impression on his hearers than he himself was aware +of; but something more was wanted, for it was impossible to foretell +from day to day what might be expected of him. He had to study hard in +order to meet the demand. + +As an outcome of this, he betook himself one evening to the +hairdresser's, with some of his schoolfellows, and, without more ado, +requested him to cut his hair quite close. That ought to satisfy them +for a long time. + +The other boys had teased him about his hair, and it got in the way +when he was playing--he hated it. Besides, ever since the story of +Absalom's rebellion and punishment, it had remained a secret terror to +him, but it had never before occurred to him to have it cut off. + +His schoolfellows were dismayed, and the hairdresser looked on it as a +work of wilful destruction. + +Rafael felt his heart begin to sink, but the very audacity of the thing +gave him courage They should see what he dare do. The hairdresser +hesitated to act without Fru Kaas's knowledge, but at length he ceased +to make objections. + +Rafael's heart sank lower and lower, but he must go through with it +now. "Off with it," he said, and remained immovable in the chair. + +"I have never seen more splendid hair," said the hairdresser +diffidently, taking up the scissors but still hesitating. + +Rafael saw that his companions were on the tiptoe of expectation. "Off +with it," he said again with assumed indifference. + +The hairdresser cut the hair into his hand and laid it carefully in +paper. + +The boys followed every snip of the scissors with their eyes, Rafael +with his ears; he could not see in the glass. + +When the hairdresser had finished and had brushed his clothes for him, +he offered him the hair. "What do I want with it?" said Rafael. He +dusted his elbows and knees a little, paid, and left the shop, followed +by his companions. They, however, exhibited no particular admiration. +He caught a glimpse of himself in the glass as he went out, and thought +that he looked frightful. + +He would have given all that he possessed (which was not much), he +would have endured any imaginable suffering, he thought, to have his +hair back again. + +His mother's wondering eyes rose up before him with every shade of +expression; his misery pursued him, his vanity mocked him. The end of +it all was that he stole up to his room and went to bed without his +supper. + +But when his mother had vainly waited for him, and some one suggested +that he might be in the house, she went to his room. + +He heard her on the stairs; he felt that she was at the door. When she +entered he had hidden his head beneath the bedclothes. She dragged them +back; and at the first sight of her dismay he was reduced to such +despair that the tears which were beginning to flow ceased at once. + +White and horror-struck she stood there; indeed she thought at first +that some one had done it maliciously; but when she could not extract a +word of enlightenment, she suspected mischief. + +He felt that she was waiting for an explanation, an excuse, a prayer +for forgiveness, but he could not, for the life of him, get out a word. + +What, indeed, could he say? He did not understand it himself. But now +he began to cry violently. He huddled himself together, clasping his +head between his hands. It felt like a bristly stubble. + +When he looked up again his mother was gone. + +A child sleeps in spite of everything. He came down the next morning in +a contrite mood and thoroughly shamefaced. His mother was not up; she +was unwell, for she had not slept a wink. He heard this before he went +to her. He opened her door timidly. There she lay, the picture of +wretchedness. + +On the toilet-table, in a white silk handkerchief, was his hair, +smoothed and combed. + +She lay there in her lace-trimmed nightgown, great tears rolling down +her cheeks. He had come, intending to throw himself into her arms and +beg her pardon a thousand times. But he had a strong feeling that he +had better not do so, or was he afraid to? She was in the clouds, far, +far away. She seemed in a trance: something, at once painful and +sacred, held her enchained. She was both pathetic and sublime. + +The boy stepped quietly from the room and hurried off to school. + +She remained in bed that day and the next, and made him sit with the +servant in order that she might be alone. When she was in trouble she +always behaved thus, and that he should cross her in this way was the +greatest trial that she had ever known. It came upon her, too, like a +deluge of rain from a clear sky. NOW it seemed to her that she could +foresee his future--and her own. + +She laid the blame of all this on his paternal ancestry. She could not +see that incessant artistic fuss and too much intellectual training +had, perhaps, aroused in him a desire for independence. + +The first time that she saw him again with his cropped head, which grew +more and more like his father's in shape, her tears flowed quietly. + +When he wished to come to her side, she waived him back with her +shapely hand, nor would she talk to him; when he talked she hardly +looked at him; till at last he burst into tears. For he suffered as one +can suffer but once, when the childish penitence is fresh and therefore +boundless, and when the yearning for love has received its first rebuff. + +But when, on the fifth day, she met him coming up the stairs, she stood +still in dismay at his appearance: pale, thin, timid; the effect +perhaps heightened by the loss of his hair. He, too, stood still, +looking forlorn and abject, with disconsolate eyes. Then hers filled; +she stretched out her arms. He was once more in his Paradise, but they +both cried as though they must wade through an ocean of tears before +they could talk to each other again. + +"Tell me about it now," she whispered. This was in her own room. They +had spoken the first fond words and kissed each other over and over +again. "How could this have happened, Rafael?" she whispered again, +with her head pressed to his; she did not wish to look at him while she +spoke. + +"Mother," he answered, "it is worse to cut down the woods at home, at +Hellebergene, than that I--" + +She raised her head and looked at him. She had taken off her hat and +gloves, but now she put them quickly on again. + +"Rafael, dear," she said, "shall we go for a walk together in the park, +under the grand old trees?" + +She had felt his retort to be ingenious. + +After this episode, however, England, and more especially her son's +schoolfellows, became distasteful to her, and she constantly made plans +to keep him away from the latter out of school hours. + +She found this very easy; sometimes she went over his studies with him, +at others they visited all the Manufactories and "Works" for miles +round. + +She liked to see for herself and awakened the same taste in him. + +Factories which, as a rule, were closed to visitors, were readily +opened to the pretty elegant lady and her handsome boy, "who after all +knew nothing at all about it;" and they were able to see almost all +that they wished. It was a less congenial task to use her influence to +turn his thoughts to higher things, but it was rarely, nevertheless, +that she failed. She struggled hard over what she did not understand +and sought for help. To explain these things to Rafael in the most +attractive manner possible became a new occupation for her. + +His natural disposition inclined him to such studies; but to a boy of +thirteen, who was thus kept from his comrades and their sports, it soon +became a nuisance. + +No sooner had Fru Kaas noticed this than she took active steps. They +left England and crossed to France. + +The strange speech threw him back on her; no one shared him with her. +They settled in Calais. A few days after their arrival she cut her hair +short; she hoped that it would touch him to see that as he would not +look like her, she tried to look like him--to be a. boy like him. She +bought a smart new hat, she composed a jaunty costume, new from top to +toe, for EVERYTHING must be altered with the hair. But when she stood +before him, looking like a girl of twenty-five, merry, almost +boisterous, he was simply dismayed--nay, it was some time before he +could altogether comprehend what had happened. As long as he could +remember his mother, her eyes had always looked forth from beneath a +crown; more solemn, more beautiful. + +"Mother," he said, "where are you?" + +She grew pale and grave, and stammered something about its being more +comfortable--about red hair not looking well when it began to lose its +colour--and went into her room. There she sat with his hair before her +and her own beside it; she wept. + +"Mother, where are you?" She might have answered, "Rafael, where are +you?" + +She went about with him everywhere. In France two handsome, stylishly +dressed people are always certain to be noticed, a thing which she +thoroughly appreciated. + +During their different expeditions she always spoke French; he begged +her to talk Norse at least now and then, but all in vain. + +Here, too, they visited every possible and impossible factory. +Unpractical and reserved as she was on ordinary occasions, she could be +full of artifice and coquetry whenever she wished to gain access to a +steam bakery and particular as she generally was about her toilette, +she would come away again sooty and grimy if thereby she could procure +for Rafael some insight into mechanics. She shrank from foul air as +from the cholera, yet inhaled sulphuric acid gas as though it had been +ozone for his sake. + +"Seeing for yourself, Rafael, is the substance, other methods are its +shadow;" or "Seeing for yourself, Rafael, is meat and drink, the other +is but literature." + +He was not quite of the same opinion: he thought that Notre Dame de +Paris, from which he was daily dragged away, was the richest banquet +that he had yet enjoyed, while from the factory of Mayel et fils there +issued the most deadly odours. + +His reading--she had encouraged him in it for the sake of the language +and had herself helped him; now she was jealous of it and could not be +persuaded to get him new books; but he got them nevertheless. + +They had been in Calais for several months; he had masters and was +beginning to feel himself at home, when there arrived at the pension a +widow from one of the colonies, accompanied by her daughter, a girl of +thirteen. + +The new comers had not appeared at meals for more than two days before +the young gentleman began to pay his court to the young lady. From the +first moment it was a plain case. Very soon every one in the pension +was highly amused to notice how fluent his French was becoming; his +choice of words at times was even elegant! The girl taught him it +without a trace of grammar, by charm, sprightliness, a little nonsense; +a pair of confiding eyes and a youthful voice were sufficient. It was +from her that he got, by stealth, one novel after another. By stealth +it had to be; by stealth Lucie had procured them; by stealth she gave +them to him; by stealth they were read; by stealth she took them back +again. This reading made him a little absent-minded, but otherwise +nothing betrayed his flights into literature: to be sure, they were not +very wonderful. + +Fru Kaas noticed her son's flirtation, and smiled with the rest over +his progress in French. She had less objection to this friendship, in +which, to a great extent, she shared, than to those in England, from +which she had been quite excluded. In the evenings she would take the +mother and daughter out for short excursions; and these she greatly +enjoyed. But the novel reading which the young people carried on +secretly had resulted in conversations of a "grown up" type. They +talked of love with the deep experience which is proper to their age, +they talked with still greater discretion as to when their wedding +should take place; on this point they indirectly said much which caused +them many a delightful tremor. As they were accustomed to talk about +themselves before others, to describe their feelings in a veiled form, +it often happened when there were many people near that they carried +this amusement further, and before they were themselves aware of it, +they were in the full tide of a symbolic language and played "catch" +with each other. + +Fru Kaas noticed one evening that the word "rose" was drawn out to a +greater length than it was possible for any rose to attain to; at the +same time she saw the languishing look in their eyes, and broke in with +the question, "What do you mean about the rose, child?" + +If any one had peeped behind a rose-bush and caught them kissing one +another, a thing they had never done, they could not have blushed more. + +The next day Fru Kaas found new rooms, a long way from the quay near +which they were living. + +Rafael had suffered greatly at being torn away from England just as he +had come down from his high horse and had put himself on a par with his +companions, but not the least notice was taken of his trouble; it had +only annoyed his mother. + +To be absolutely debarred from the books he was so fond of had been +hard; but up to this time, being in a foreign land, amid foreign +speech, he had always fallen back upon her. Now he openly defied her. +He went straight off to the hotel and sought out Madame Mery and her +daughter as though nothing had occurred. This he did every day when he +had finished his lessons. Lucie had now become his sole romance; he +gave all his leisure time to her, and not only that (for it no longer +sufficed to see her at her mother's), they met on the quay! At times a +maid-servant walked with them for appearance sake, at others she kept +in the background. Sometimes they would go on board a Norwegian ship, +sometimes they wandered about or strolled beneath some great trees. +When he saw her in her short frock come out of the door, saw her quick +movements, and her lively signals to him with parasol or hat or +flowers, the quay, the ships, the bales, the barrels, the air, the +noise, the crowd, all seemed to play and sing, + + "Enfant! si j'etais roi je donerais l'empire, + Et mon char, et mon septre, et mon peuple a genoux," + +and he ran to meet her. + +He never dared to do more than to take both her chubby brown hands, nor +to say more than "You are very sweet, you are very very good." And she +never went further than to look at him, walk with him, laugh with him, +and say to him, "You are not like the others." What experiences there +had been in the life of this girl of thirteen goodness alone knows. He +never asked her, he was too sure of her. + +He learned French from her as one bird feeds from another's bill, or as +one who looks at his image in a fountain, as he drinks from it. + +One day, as mother and son were at breakfast, she glanced quietly +across at him. "I heard of an excellent preparatory school of mechanics +at Rouen," she said, "so I wrote to inquire about it, and here is the +answer. I approve of it in all respects, as you will do when you read +it. I think that we shall go to Rouen; what do you say to it?" + +He grew first red, then white; then put down his bread, his table +napkin; got up and left the room. Later in the day she asked him +whether he would not read the letter; he left her without answering. At +last, just as he was going to meet Lucie on the quay, she said, and +this time with determination, that they were to leave in the course of +an hour. She had already packed up; as they stood there the man came to +fetch the luggage. At that moment he felt that he could thoroughly +understand why his father had beaten her. + +As they sat in the carriage which took them to the station he suffered +keenly. It could not nave been worse, he thought, if his mother had +stabbed him with a knife. He did not sit beside her in the railway +carriage. + +During the first days at Rouen he would not answer when she spoke to +him, nor ask a single question. He had adopted her own tactics; he +carried them through with a cruelty of which he was not aware. + +For a long time he had been disposed to criticise her; now that this +criticism was extended to all that she said or did, the spirit of +accusation tinctured her whole life; their joint past seemed altered +and debased. + +His father's bent form, in the log chair on the hairless skin, +malodorous and dirty, rose up before him, in vivid contrast with his +mother in her well appointed, airy, perfumed rooms! + +When Rafael stood by his father's body he had felt the same thing--that +the old man had been badly treated. He himself had been encouraged to +neglect his father, to shun him, to evade his orders. At that time he +had laid the blame on the people on the estate; now he put it all down +to his mother's account. His father had certainly adored her once, and +this feeling had changed into wild self-consuming hatred. What had +happened? He did not know; but he could not but admit that his mother +would have tried the patience of Job. + +He pictured to himself how Lucie would come running with her flowers, +search for him over the whole quay, farther and farther every time, +standing still at last. He could not think of it without tears, and +without a feeling of bitterness. + +But a child is a child. It was not a life-long grief. As the place was +new and historically interesting, and as lessons had now begun and his +mother was always with him, this feeling wore off, but the mutual +restraint was still there. The critical spirit which had first been +roused in England never afterwards left Rafael. + +The hours of study which they passed together produced good results. +Beginning as her pupil, he had ended by becoming her teacher. She was +anxious to keep up with him, and this was an advantage to him, on +account of her almost too minute accuracy, but still more from her +intelligent questions. Apart from study they passed many pleasant hours +together, but they both knew that something was missing in their +conversation which could never be there again. + +At longer or shorter intervals a shy silence interrupted this +intercourse. Sometimes it was he, sometimes she, who, for some cause or +other, often a most trivial one, elected not to reply, not to ask a +question, not to see. When they were good friends he appreciated the +best side of her character, the self-sacrificing life which she led for +him. When they were not friends it was exactly the opposite. When they +were friends, he, as a rule, did whatever she wished. He tried to atone +for the past. He was in the land of courtesy and influenced by its +teaching. When he was not friends with her he behaved as badly as +possible. He early got among bad companions and into dissipated habits; +he was the very child of Rebellion. At times he had qualms of +conscience on account of it. + +She guessed this, and wished him to guess that she guessed it. + +"I perceive a strange atmosphere here, fie! Some one has mixed their +atmosphere with yours, fie!" And she sprinkled him with scent. + +He turned as red as fire and, in his shame and misery, did not know +which way to look. But if he attempted to speak she became as stiff as +a poker, and, raising her small hand, "Taisez-vous des egards, sil vous +plait." + +It must be said in her excuse that, notwithstanding the daring books +which she had written, she had had no experience of real life; she knew +no form of words for such an occasion. It came at last to this pass, +that she, who had at one time wished to control his whole life and +every thought in it, and who would not share him with any one, not even +with a book, gradually became unwilling to have any relations with him +outside his studies. + +The French language especially lends itself to formal intercourse and +diplomacy. They grasped this fact from the first. It may, indeed, have +contributed to form their mutual life. It was more equitable and caused +fewer collisions. At the slightest disagreement it was at once +"Monsieur mon fils" or simply "Monsieur," or "Madame ma mere," or +"Madame." + +At one time his health seemed likely to suffer: his rapid growth and +the studies, to which she kept him very closely, were too much for his +strength. + +But just then something remarkable occurred. At the time when Rafael +was nineteen he was one day in a French chemical factory, and, as it +were in a flash, saw how half the power used in the machinery might be +saved. The son of the owner who had brought him there was a +fellow-student. To him he confided his discovery. They worked it out +together with feverish excitement to the most minute details. It was +very complex, for it was the working of the factory itself which was +involved. The scheme was carefully gone into by the owner, his son, and +their assistants together, and it was decided to try it. It was +entirely successful; LESS than half the motive power now sufficed. + +Rafael was away at the time that it was inaugurated; he had gone down a +mine. His mother was not with him; he never took her down mines with +him. As soon as ever he returned home he hurried off with her to see +the result of his work. They saw everything, and they both blushed at +the respect shown to them by the workmen. They were quite touched when, +the owner being called, they heard his expressions of boundless +delight. Champagne flowed for them, accompanied by the warmest thanks. +The mother received a beautiful bouquet. Excited by the wine and the +congratulations, proud of his recognition as a genius, Rafael left the +place with his mother on his arm. It seemed to him as though he were on +one side, and all the rest of the world on the other. His mother walked +happily beside him, with her bouquet in her hand. Rafael wore a new +overcoat--one after his own heart, very long and faced with silk, and +of which he was excessively proud. It was a clear winter's day; the sun +shone on the silk, and on something more as well. + +"There is not a speck on the sky, mother," he said. + +"Nor one on your coat either," she retorted; for there had been a great +many on his old one, and each had had its history. + +He was too big now to be turned to ridicule, and too happy as well. She +heard him humming to himself: it was the Norwegian national air. They +came back to the town again as from Elysium. All the passers-by looked +at them: people quickly detect happiness. Besides Rafael was a head +taller than most of them and fairer in complexion. He walked quickly +along beside his elegant mother, and looked across the Boulevard as +though from a sunny height. + +"There are days on which one feels oneself a different person," he said. + +"There are days on which one receives so much," she answered, pressing +his arm. + +They went home, threw aside their wraps, and looked at one another. +Sketches of the machinery which they had just seen lay about, as well +as some rough drawings. These she collected and made into a roll. + +"Rafael," she said, and drew herself up, half laughing, half trembling, +"kneel; I wish to knight you." + +It did not seem unnatural to him; he did so. + +"Noblesse oblige," she said, and let the roll of paper approach his +head; but therewith she dropped it and burst into tears. + +He spent a merry evening with his friends, and was enthusiastically +applauded. But as he lay in bed that night he felt utterly despondent. +The whole thing might, after all, have been a mere chance. He had seen +so much, had acquired so much information; it was no discovery that he +had made. What was it, then? He was certainly not a genius; that must +be an exaggeration. Could one imagine a genius without a victor's +confidence, or had his peculiar life destroyed that confidence? This +anxiety which constantly intruded itself; this bad conscience; this +dreadful, vile conscience; this ineradicable dread; was it a +foreboding? Did it point to the future? + +It was about half a year after this that his desultory studies became +concentrated on electricity, and after a time this took them to Munich. +During the course of these studies he began to write, quite +spontaneously. The students had formed a society, and Rafael was +expected to contribute a paper. But his contribution was so original +that they begged him to show it to the professor, and this encouraged +him greatly. It was the professor, too, who had his first article +printed. A Norwegian technical periodical accepted a subsequent one, +and this was the external influence which turned his thoughts once more +towards Norway. Norway rose before him as the promised land of +electricity. The motive power of its countless waterfalls was +sufficient for the whole world! He saw his country during the winter +darkness gleaming with electric lustre. He saw her, too, the +manufactory of the world, the possessor of navies. Now he had something +to go home for! + +His mother did not share his love for their country, and had no desire +to live in Norway. But the money which she had saved up for his +education bad been spent long ago. Hellebergene had had its share. The +estate did not yield an equivalent, for it was essentially a timbered +estate, and the trees on it were still immature. + +So it was to be home! A few years alone at Hellebergene was just what +he wished for. But--something always occurred to prevent their +departure at the time fixed for it. First he was detained by an +invention which he wished to patent. Up to the present time he had only +sketched out ideas which others had adopted; now it was to be +different. The invention was duly patented and handed over to an agent +to sell; but still they did not start. What was the hindrance? Another +invention with a fresh patent more likely to sell than the first, which +unfortunately did not go off. This patent was also taken out, which +again cost money, and was handed over to the agent to be sold. Could he +not start now? Well, yes, he thought he could. But Fru Kaas soon +realised that he was not serious, so she sought the help of a young +relative, Hans Ravn, an engineer, like most of the Ravns. Rafael liked +Hans, for he was himself a Ravn in temperament, a thing that he had not +realised before; it was quite a revelation to him. He had believed that +the Ravns were like his mother, but now found that she greatly differed +from them. To Hans Ravn Fru Kaas said plainly that now they must start. +The last day of May was the date fixed on, and this Hans was to tell +every one, for it would make Rafael bestir himself, his mother thought, +if this were known everywhere. Hans Ravn spread this news far and near, +partly because it was his province to do so, partly because he hoped it +would be the occasion of a farewell entertainment such as had never +been seen. A banquet actually did take place amid general enthusiasm, +which ended in the whole company forming a procession to escort their +guest to his house. Here they encountered a crowd of officers who were +proceeding home in the same manner. They nearly came to blows, but +fraternised instead, and the engineers cheered the officers and the +officers the engineers. + +The next day the history of the two entertainments and the collision +between the guests went the round of the papers. + +This produced results which Fru Kaas had not foreseen. The first was a +very pleasant one. The professor who had had Rafael's first article +published drove up to the door, accompanied by his family. He mounted +the stairs, and asked her if she would not, in their company, once more +visit the prettiest parts of Munich and its vicinity. She felt +flattered, and accepted the invitation. As they drove along they talked +of nothing but Rafael: partly about his person, for he was the darling +of every lady, partly about the future which lay before him. The +professor said that he had never had a more gifted pupil. Fru Kaas had +brought an excellent binocular glass with her, which she raised to her +eyes from time to time to conceal her emotion, and their hearty praise +seemed to flood the landscape and buildings with sunshine. + +The little party lunched together, and drove home in the afternoon. + +When Fru Kaas re-entered her room, she was greeted by the scent of +flowers. Many of their friends who had not till now known when they +were to leave had wished to pay them some compliment. Indeed, the maid +said that the bell had been ringing the whole morning. A little later +Rafael and Hans Ravn came in with one or two friends. They proposed to +dine together. The sale of the last patent seemed to be assured, and +they wished to celebrate the event. Fru Kaas was in excellent spirits, +so off they went. + +They dined in the open air with a number of other people round them. +There was music and merriment, and the subdued hum of distant voices +rose and fell in the twilight. When the lamps were lighted, they had on +one side the glare of a large town, on the other the semi-darkness was +only relieved by points of light; and this was made the subject of +poetical allusions in speeches to the friends who were so soon to leave +them. + +Just then two ladies slowly passed near Rafael's chair. Fru Kaas, who +was sitting opposite, noticed them, but he did not. When they had gone +a short distance they stood still and waited, but did not attract his +attention. Then they came slowly back again, passing close behind his +chair, but still in vain. This annoyed Fru Kaas. Her individuality was +so strong that her silence cast a shadow over the whole party; they +broke up. + +The next morning Rafael was out again on business connected with the +patent. The bell rang, and the maid came in with a bill; it had been +brought the previous day as well, she said. It was from one of the +chief restaurateurs of the town, and was by no means a small one. Fru +Kaas had no idea that Rafael owed money--least of all to a +restaurateur. She told the maid to say that her son was of age, and +that she was not his cashier. There was another ring--the maid +reappeared with a second bill, which had also been brought the day +before. It was from a well-known wine merchant; this, too, was not a +small one. Another ring; this time it was a bill for flowers and by no +means a trifle. This, too, had been brought the day before. Fru Kaas +read it twice, three times, four times: she could not realise that +Rafael owed money for flowers--what did he want them for? Another ring; +now it was a bill from a jeweller. Fru Kaas became so nervous at the +ringing and the bills that she took to flight. Here, then, was the +explanation of their postponed departure: he was held captive; this was +the reason for all his anxiety about selling the patent. He had to buy +his freedom. She was hardly in the street when an unpretending little +old woman stepped up to her, and asked timidly if this might be Frau +von Kas? Another bill, thought Fru Kaas, eyeing her closely. She +reminded one of a worn-out rose-bush with a few faded blossoms on it: +she seemed poor and inexperienced in all save humility. + +"What do you want with me?" inquired Fru Kaas sympathetically, resolved +to pay the poor thing at once, whatever it might be. + +The little woman begged "Tausend Mal um Verzeihung," but she was "Einer +Beamten-Wittwe" and had read in the paper that the young Von Kas was +leaving, and both she and her daughter were in such despair that she +had resolved to come to Frau von Kas, who was the only one--and here +she began to cry. + +"What does your daughter want from me?" asked Fru Kaas rather less +gently. + +"Ach! tausend Mal um Verzeihung gnadige Frau," her daughter was married +to Hofrath von Rathen--"ihrer grossen Schonheit wegen"--ah, she was so +unhappy, for Hofrath von Rathen drank and was cruel to her. Herr von +Kas had met her at the artists' fete--"Und so wissen Sie zwei so junge, +reizende Leute." She looked up at Fru Kaas through her tears--looked up +as though from a rain-splashed cellar window; but Fru Kaas had reverted +to her abrupt manner, and as if from an upper storey the poor little +woman heard, "What does your daughter want with my son?" + +"Tausend Mal um Verzeihung," but it had seemed to them that her +daughter might go with them to Norway, Norway was such a free country. +"Und die zwei Jungen haben sich so gern." + +"Has he promised her this?" said Fru Kaas, with haughty coldness. + +"Nein, nein, nein," was the frightened reply. They two, mother and +daughter, had thought of it that day. They had read in the paper that +the young Von Kas was going away. "Herr Gott in Himmel!" if her +daughter could thus be rid at once of all her troubles! Frau von Kas +had not an idea of what a faithful soul, what a tender wife her +daughter was. + +Fru Kaas crossed hastily over to the opposite pavement. She did not go +quite so fast as a person in chase of his hat, but it seemed to the +poor little creature, left in the lurch, with folded hands and +frightened eyes, that she had vanished faster than her hopes. On the +other side of the waystood a pretty young flower-girl who was waiting +for the elegant lady hurrying in her direction. "Bitte, gnadige Frau." +Here is another, thought the hunted creature. She looked round for +help, she flew up the street, away, away--when another lady popped up +right in front of her, evidently trying to catch her eye. Fru Kaas +dashed into the middle of the street and took refuge in a carriage. + +"Where to?" asked the driver. + +This she had not stopped to consider, but nevertheless answered boldly, +"The Bavaria!" + +In point of fact she had had an idea of seeing the view of the city and +its environs from "Bavaria's" lofty head before leaving. There were a +great many people there, but Fru Kaas's turn to go up soon came; but +just as she had reached the head of the giantess and was going to look +out, she heard a lady whisper close behind her, "That is his mother." +It was probable that there were several mothers up there in "Bavaria's" +head beside Fru Kaas, nevertheless she gathered her skirts together and +hurried down again. + +Rafael came home to dine with his mother; he was in the highest +spirits--he had sold his patent. But he found her sitting in the +farthest corner of the sofa, with her big binocular glass in her hand. +When he spoke to her she did not answer, but turned the glass with the +small end towards him; she wished him to look as far off as possible. + + + + +CHAPTER 3 + + +It was a bright evening in the beginning of June that they disembarked +from the steamer, and at once left the town in the boat which was to +take them to Hellebergene. They did not know any of the boatmen, +although they were from the estate; the boat also was new. + +But the islands among which they were soon rowing were the old ones, +which had long awaited them and seemed to have swum out to meet them, +and now to move one behind the other so that the boat might pass +between them. Neither mother nor son spoke to the men, nor did they +talk to each ether. In thus keeping silence they entered into each +other's feelings, for they were both awestruck. It came upon them all +at once. The bright evening light over sea and islands, the aromatic +fragrance from the land,--the quick splash of a little coasting steamer +as she passed them--nothing could cheer them. + +Their life lay there before them, bringing responsibilities both old +and new. How would all that they were coming to look to them, and how +far were they themselves now fitted for it? + +Now they had passed the narrow entrance of the bay, and rounded the +last point beneath the crags of Hellebergene. The green expanse opened +out before them, the buildings in its midst. The hillsides had once +been crowned and darkly clad with luxuriant woods. Now they stood there +denuded, shrunk, formless, spread over with a light green growth +leaving some parts bare. The lowlands, as well as the hills which +framed them, were shrunk and diminished, not in extent but in +appearance. They could nut persuade themselves to look at it. They +recalled it all as it had been and felt themselves despoiled. + +The buildings had been newly painted, but they looked small by contrast +with those which they had in their minds. No one awaited them at the +landing, but a few people stood about near the gallery, looking +embarrassed--or were they suspicious? The travellers went into Fru +Kaas's old rooms, both up stairs and down. These were just as they had +left them, but how faded and wretched they looked! The table, which was +laid for supper, was loaded with coarse food like that at a farmer's +wedding. + +The old lime-trees were gone. Fru Kaas wept. + +Suddenly she was reminded of something. "Let us go across to the other +wing," she said this as if there they would find what was wanting. In +the gallery she took Rafael's arm; he grew curious. His father's old +rooms had been entirely renovated for him. In everything, both great +and small, he recognised his mother's designs and taste. A vast amount +of work, unknown to him, an endless interchange of letters and a great +expenditure of money. How new and bright everything looked! The rooms +differed as much from what they had been, as she had endeavoured to +make Rafael's life from the one that had been led in them. + +They two had a comfortable meal together after all, followed by a quiet +walk along the shore. The wide waters of the bay gleamed softly, and +the gentle ripple took up its old story again while the summer night +sank gently down upon them. + +Early the next morning Rafael was out rowing in the bay, the +play-ground of his childhood. Notwithstanding the shorn and sunken +aspect of the hills, his delight at being there again was +indescribable. Indescribable because of the loneliness and stillness: +no one came to disturb him. After having lived for many years in large +towns, to find oneself alone in a Norwegian bay is like leaving a noisy +market-place at midday and passing into a high vaulted church where no +sound penetrates from without, and where only one's own footstep breaks +the silence. Holiness, purification, abstraction, devotion, but in such +light and freedom as no church possesses. The lapse of time, the past +were forgotten; it was as though he had never been away, as though no +other place had ever known him. + +Indescribable, for the intensity of his feelings surpassed anything +that he had hitherto known. New sensations, impressions of beauty +absolutely forgotten since childhood, or remembered but imperfectly, +crowded upon him, speaking to him like welcoming spirits. + +The altered contour of the hills, the dear familiar smell, the sky +which seemed lower and yet farther off, the effects of light in colder +tones, but paler and more delicate. Nowhere a broad plain, an endless +expanse. No! all was diversified, full of contrast, broken; not lofty, +still unique, fresh, he had almost said tumultuous. + +Each moment he felt more in accord with his memories, his nature was in +harmony with it all. + +He paused between each stroke of the oars, soothed by the gentle +motion; the boat glided on, he had not concerned himself whither, when +he heard from behind the sound of oars which was not the echo of his +own. The strokes succeeded each other at regular intervals. He turned. + +At that moment Fru Kaas came out on to the terrace with her big +binocular. She had had her coffee, and was ready to enjoy the view over +the bay, the islands, and the open sea. Rafael, she was told, had +already gone out in the boat. Yes! there he was, far out. She put up +her glass at the moment that a white painted boat shot out towards his +brown one. The white one was rowed by a girl in a light-coloured dress. +"Grand Dieu! are there girls here too?" + +Now Rafael ceases rowing, the girl does the same, they rest on their +oars and the boats glide past each other. Fru Kaas could distinguish +the girl's shapely neck under her dark hair, but her wide-brimmed straw +hat hid her face. + +Rafael lets his oars trail along the water and resting on them looks at +her, and now her oars also touch the water as she turns towards him. Do +they know each other? Quickly the boats draw together; Rafael puts out +his hand and draws them closer, and now he gives HER his hand. Fru Kaas +can see Rafael's profile so plainly that she can detect the movement of +his lips. He is laughing! The stranger's face is hidden by her hat, but +she can see a full figure and a vigorous arm below the half-sleeve. +They do not loose their hands; now he is laughing till his broad +shoulders shake. What is it? What is it? Can any one have followed him +from Munich? Fru Kaas could remain where she was no longer. She went +indoors and put down the glass; she was overcome by anxiety, filled +with helpless anger. It was some time before she could prevail on +herself to go out and resume her walk. The girl had turned her boat. +Now they are rowing in side by side, she as strongly as he. Whenever +Fru Kaas looked at her son he was laughing and the girl's face was +turned towards his. Now they head for the landing-place at the +parsonage. Was it Helene? The only girl for miles round, and Rafael had +hooked himself on to her the very first day that he was at home. These +girls who can never see him without taking a fancy to him! Now the +boats are beached, not on the shingle, where the stones would be +slippery. No! on the sand, where they have run them up as high as +possible. Now she jumps lightly and quickly out of her boat, and he a +little more heavily out of his; they grasp each other's hands again. +Yes! there they were. + +Fru Kaas turned away; she knew that for the moment she was nothing more +than an old chattel pushed away into a corner. + +It was Helene. She knew that they had arrived and thought that she +would row past the house; and thus it was that she had encountered +Rafael, who had simply gone out to amuse himself. + +As they had lain on their oars and the boats glided silently past each +other, he thought to himself, "That girl never grew up here, she is +cast in too fine a mould for that; she is not in harmony with the +place." He saw a face whose regular lines, and large grey eyes, +harmonised well with each other, a quiet wise face, across which all at +once there flew a roguish look. He knew it again. It had done him good +before to-day. Our first thought in all recognitions, in all +remembrances--that is to say, if there is occasion for it--is, has that +which we recognise or recall done us good or evil? + +This large mouth, those honest eyes, which have a roguish look just +now, had always, done him good. + +"Helene!" he cried, arresting the progress of his boat. + +"Rafael!" she answered, blushing crimson and checking her boat too. + +What a soft contralto voice! + +When he came in to breakfast, beaming, ready to tell everything, he was +confronted by two large eyes, which said as plainly as possible, "Am I +put on one side already?" He became absolutely angry. During breakfast +she said, in a tone of indifference, that she was going to drive to the +Dean's, to thank him for the supervision which he had given to the +estate during all these years. He did not answer, from which she +inferred that he did not wish to go with her. It was some time before +she started. The harness was new, the stable-boy raw and untrained. She +saw nothing more of Rafael. + +She was received at the parsonage with the greatest respect, and yet +very heartily. The Dean was a fine old man and thoroughly practical. +His wife was of profounder nature. Both protested that the care of the +estate had been no trouble to them, it had only been a pleasant +employment; Helene had now undertaken it. + +"Helene?" + +Yes; it had so chanced that the first bailiff at Hellebergene had once +been agronomist and forester on a large concern which was in +liquidation, Helene had taken such a fancy to him, that when she was +not at school, she went with him everywhere; and, indeed, he was a +wonderful old man. During these rambles she had learned all that he +could teach her. He had an especial gift for forestry. It was a +development for her, for it gave a fresh interest to her life. Little +by little she had taken over the whole care of the estate. It absorbed +her. + +Fru Kaas asked if she might see Helene, to thank her. + +"But Helene has just gone out with Rafael, has she not?" + +"Yes, to be sure," answered Fru Kaas. She would not show surprise; but +she asked at once for her carriage. + +Meanwhile the two young people had determined to climb the ridge. At +first they followed the course of the river, Helene leading the way. It +was evident that she had grown up in the woods. How strong and supple +she was, and how well she acquitted herself when she had to cross a +brook, climb a wooded slope, force a way through a barrier of bristly +young fir-trees which opposed her passage, or surmount a heap of clay +at a quarry, of which there were a great many about there. Each +difficulty was in turn overcome. The ascent from the river was the most +direct and the pleasantest, which was the reason that they had come +this way. Rafael would not be outdone by her, and kept close at her +heels. But, great heavens! what it cost him. Partly because he was out +of practice, partly-- + +"It is a little difficult to get over here," she said. A tree had +fallen during the last rainy weather, and hung half suspended by its +roots, obstructing the path. "You must not hold by it, it might give +way and drag us with it." + +At last there is something which she considers difficult, he thought. + +She deliberated for a moment before the farthest-spreading branches +which had to be crossed; then, lifting her skirts to her knees, over +them she went, and over the next ones as well, and then across the +trunk to the farthest side, where there were no branches in the way; +then obliquely up the hillside. She stood still at the top of the +height and watched him crawl up after her. + +It cost him a struggle; he was out of breath and the perspiration +poured off him. When he got up to her, everything swam before him; and +although it was only for a fraction of a second, it left him fairly +captivated by her strength. + +She stood and looked at him with bright, roguish eyes. She was flushed +and hot, and her bosom rose and fell quickly; but there was no doubt +that she could at once have taken an equally long and steep climb. He +was not able to speak a word. + +"Now turn round and look at the sea," she said. + +The words affected him as though great Pan had uttered them from the +mountains far behind. He turned his eyes towards them. It seemed as +though Nature herself had spoken to him. The words caressed him as with +a hand now cold, now warm, and he became a different being. For he had +lost himself--lost himself in her as she walked along the river-bank +and climbed the hillside. She seemed to draw fresh power from the +woods, to grow taller, more agile, more vigorous. The fervour of her +eyes, the richness of her voice, the grace of her movements, the +glimpses of her soul, had allured him down there in the valley, beside +the rushing river, and the feeling of loss of individuality had +increased with the exertion and the excitement. No ball-room or +play-ground, no gymnasium or riding-school can display the physical +powers, and the spirit which underlies them, the unity of mind and +body, as does the scaling of steep hills and rocky slopes. At last, +intoxicated by these feelings, he thought to himself--I am climbing +after her, climbing to the highest pinnacle of happiness. Up there! Up +there! The composure of her manner towards him, her freedom from +embarrassment, maddened him. Up there! Up there! And ever as they +mounted she became more spirited, he more distressed. Up there! Up +there! His eyes grew dim, for a few seconds he could not move, could +not speak. Then she had said, "Now you must look at the sea." + +He seemed to see with different eyes, to be endowed with new +sensations, and these new sensations gave answer to what the distant +mountains had said. They answered the sea out there before him, the +island-studded sea, the open sea beyond, the wide swelling ocean, the +desires and destinies of life all the world over. The sea lay +steel-bright beneath the suffused sunlight, and seemed to gaze on the +rugged land as on a beloved child instinct with vital power. Cling thou +to the mighty one, or thy strength will be thine undoing! + +And many of the inventions which he had dreamed of loomed vaguely +before him. They lay outside there. It depended on him whether he +should one day bring them safely into port. + +"What are you thinking about?" said she, the sound of her voice put +these thoughts to flight and recalled him to the present. He felt how +full and rich her contralto voice was, A moment ago he could have told +her this, and more besides, as an introduction to still more. Now he +sat down without answering, and she did the same. + +"I come up here very often," she said, "to look at the sea. From here +it seems the source of life and death; down there it is a mere +highway." He smiled. She continued: "The sea has this power, that +whatever pre-occupation one may bring up here, it vanishes in a moment; +but down below it remains with one." + +He looked at her. + +"Yes, it is true," said she, and coloured. + +"I do not in the least doubt it," he replied. + +But she did not continue the subject. "You are looking at the saplings, +I see." + +"Yes." + +"You must know that last year there was a long drought; almost all the +young trees up here withered away, and in other places on the hillsides +also, as you see." She pointed as she spoke. "It looks so ugly as one +comes into the bay. I thought about that yesterday. I thought also that +you should not be here long before you saw that you had done us an +injustice, for could anything be prettier than that little fir-tree +down there in the hollow? just look at its colour; that is a healthy +fellow! and these sturdy saplings, and that little gem there!" The +tones of Helene's voice betrayed the interest which she felt. "But how +that one over there has grown." She scrambled across to it, and he +after her. "Do you see? two branches already; and what branches!" They +knelt down beside it. "This boy has had parents of whom he can boast, +for they have all had just as much and just as little shelter. Oh! the +disgusting caterpillars." She was down before the little tree at the +side which was being spun over. She cleared it, and got up to fetch +some wet mould, which she laid carefully round the sprouts. "Poor thing +I it wants water, although it rained tremendously a little time ago." + +"Are you often up here?" he asked. + +"It would all come to nothing if I were not!" She looked at him +searchingly. "You do not, perhaps, believe that this little tree knows +me; every one of them, indeed. If I am long away from them they do not +thrive, but when I am often with them they flourish." She was on her +knees, supporting herself with one hand, while with the other she +pulled up some grass. "The thieves," said she, "which want to rob my +saplings." + +If it had been a little person who had said this; a little person with +lively eyes and a merry mouth--but Helene was tall and stately; her +eyes were not lively, but met one with a steady gaze. Her mouth was +large, and gave deliberate utterance to her thoughts. + +Whoever has read Helene's words quickly, hurriedly, must read them over +again. She spoke quietly and thoughtfully, each syllable distinct and +musical. She was not the same girl who had led the way by river and +hill. Then she seemed to glory in her strength; now her energy had +changed to delicate feeling. + +One of the most remarkable women in Scandinavia, who also had these two +sides to her character, and made the fullest use of both, Johanne Luise +Hejberg, once saw Helene when she had but just attained to womanhood. +She could not take her eyes off her; she never tired of watching her +and listening to her. Did the aged woman, then at the close of her +life, recognise anything of her own youth in the girl? Outwardly too +they resembled each other. Helene was dark, as Fru Hejberg had been; +was about the same height, with the same figure, but stronger; had a +large mouth, large grey eyes like hers, into which the same roguish +look would start. But the greatest likeness was to be found in their +natures: in Fru Hejberg's expression when she was quiet and serious; in +a certain motherliness which was the salient feature in her nature. + +"What a healthy girl!" said she; bade some one bring Helene to her, and +drawing her towards her, kissed her on the forehead. + +Helene and her companion had crossed to the other side of the hill, for +he positively must see the "Buckthorn Swamp"; but when they got down +there he did not know it again: it was covered by luxuriant woods. + +"Yes! It is old Helgesen who deserves the credit of that," she said. +"He noticed that an artificial embankment had converted this great flat +into a swamp, so he cut through it. I was only a child then, but I had +my share in it. They gave me a bit of ground down by the river to plant +Kohl Kabi in. I looked after it the whole summer. Later on I had a +larger piece. With the profits we cut ditches up to here. In the fourth +year we bought plants. In fact, he so arranged it, that I paid for it +all with my work, the old rogue!" + +When Rafael got home his mother was at table: she had not waited for +him, a sure sign that she felt aggrieved. No attempts on his part to +set things right succeeded. She would not answer, and soon left the +room. It now struck him how pleasant it would have been for his mother +if he had taken her with him to explore and make acquaintance with this +new Hellebergene. The evening before, in his father's rooms, it had +seemed as though nothing could ever separate them--and the first thing +in the morning he was off with some one else. This evening he knew that +nothing could be done, but next morning he begged her earnestly to come +with them, and they would show her what he had seen the day before; but +she only shook her head and took up a book. Day after day he made a +similar request, but always with the same result. She thought that +these invitations were merely formal, and so, from one point of view, +they were. He was most ready to appease her, most ready to show her +everything, for he felt himself to blame, though he certainly thought +that she might have understood; but her presence would have marred +their tete-a-tete; he would have been embarrassed enough if she had +acquiesced! + +The Dean, with his wife and daughter, came the following Sunday to +return Fru Kaas's visit. She was politeness itself, and specially +thanked Helene for her care of Hellebergene. Helene coloured without +knowing why, but when Rafael also coloured, she blushed still deeper. +This was the event of the visit; nothing else of importance occurred. + +In their daily walks through the fields and woods, the two young people +soon exhausted the topic of Hellebergene. He took up another theme. His +inventions became the topic of conversation. He had acquired, from his +studies with his mother, an unusual facility in explaining his meaning, +and in Helene he found a listener such as he had rarely before met +with. She was sufficiently acquainted with the laws of nature to +understand a simple description. But all the same it was not his +inventions but himself that he discoursed on. He quite realised this, +and became all the more eager. Her eyes made his reasoning clearer. He +had never before had such complete faith in himself as when near her, +and now no misgivings succeeded. + +Helene, however, had not hitherto known the direction and results of +his studies. He was an engineer, that was all that she had heard on the +subject. When he had told her more about it he rose considerably in her +estimation. It was SHE now who began to feel constrained. At first she +did not understand why she felt obliged to put more restraint upon +herself. After a time she began to excuse herself from joining him, and +their walks became more rare. "She had so much to do now." + +He did not comprehend the reason of this; he fancied that his mother +might be to blame (which, by the way, was quite a mistake), and he grew +angry. He was already greatly affronted that his mother had chosen to +confound his former gallantries with his present attachment. He quite +forgot that at first he had merely sought to amuse himself here as +elsewhere. He gave himself up entirely to his passion, which would +brook no hindrance, no opposition; it became majestic. In Helene he had +found his future life. + +But her parents had grown less cordial of late owing to Fru Kaas's +coldness, and the time came when all attempts to obtain meetings with +Helene failed. He had never been so infatuated. He seemed to see her +continually before him--her luxuriant beauty, her light step, her grey +eyes gazing steadfastly into his. + +Why could they not be married to-morrow or the next day? What could be +more natural? What could more certainly help him forward? + +The constraint between his mother and himself had reached a greater +pitch than ever before. He thought seriously of leaving her and the +country. He still had some money left, the proceeds of the patent, and +he could easily make more. How irksome it became to him to go into the +fields and woods without Helene! He could not study; he had no one to +talk to; what should he do? + +Devote himself to boating!--row out far beyond the bay, right up to the +town! One day, as he rowed along the coast, beyond the bay, he noticed +that the clay and flag-stone formation in the hills and ridges was +speckled with grey. Helene had told him how extraordinary it looked out +there now that the trees were gone, but as they would have had to come +out in the boat to see it he had let the remark pass. Now he decided to +land there. The shore rose steeply from the water, but he scrambled up. +He had expected to find limestone, but he could hardly believe his own +eyes: it was cement stone! Absolutely, undoubtedly, cement stone! How +far did it extend? As far as he could see; it might even extend to the +boundary of the estate. In any case, here was sufficient for extensive +works for many, many years, if only there were enough silica with the +clay and lime. He had soon knocked off a few pieces, which he put into +the boat, and set out for home to analyse them. + +Seldom had any one rowed faster than he did; now he shot past the +islands into the bay, up to the landing-place before the house. If the +cement stone contained the right proportions, here was what would make +Helene and himself independent of every one; AND THAT AT ONCE! + +A little later, with dirty hands and clothes, his face bathed in +perspiration, he rushed up to his mother with the result of his +investigations. + +"Here is something for you to see." + +She was reading; she looked up and turned as white as a sheet. + +"Is that the cement stone?" she asked, as she put down her book. + +"Did you know about it?" he exclaimed, in the greatest astonishment. + +"Good gracious, yes," she answered. She walked across to the window, +came back again, pressing her hands together. "So you have found it +too?" + +"Who did before me?" + +"Your father, Rafael, your father, the first time that I was here, a +little time before we were to leave." She paused. "He came rushing in +as you did just now--not so quickly, not so quickly, he was weak in the +legs, but otherwise just like you." She let her eyes rest, with a +peculiar look, on Rafael's dirty hands. The hands themselves were not +well shaped, they were almost exactly his father's. + +Rafael noticed nothing. + +"Had HE found the bed of cement stone, then?" + +"Yes. He locked the door behind him. I got up from my chair and asked +him how he dared? He could hardly speak." She paused for a moment, +recalling it all again. "Yes, and it was THAT stuff." + +"What did he say, mother?" + +She had turned to leave the room. + +"Your father believed that I had brought luck to the house." + +"And why was it not so, then?" + +She faced him quickly. He coloured. + +"Pardon, mother, you misunderstood me. I meant, why did it come to +nothing about the cement?" + +"You did not know your father: there were too many hooks about him for +him to be able to carry out anything." + +"Hooks?" + +"Yes! eccentricity, egotism, passion, which caught fast in everything." + +"What did he propose to do?" + +"No one was to be allowed to have anything to do with it, no one was to +know of it, he was to be everything! For this reason the timber was to +be cut down and sold; and when we were married--I say when we were +married, the whole of my fortune was to be used as well." + +He saw the horror with which she still regarded it; she was passing +through the whole struggle again; and he understood that he must not +question her further. She made a gesture with her hand; and he asked +hurriedly, "Why did you not tell me before, mother?" + +"Because it would have brought you no good," she answered decidedly. + +He felt, nay, he saw that she believed that it would bring him no good +now. She again raised her hand, and he left her. + +When he was once more in the boat, taking his great news to the +parsonage, he thought to himself, Here is the reason of my father's and +mother's deadly enmity. + +The cement stone! She did not trust him, she would not give him both +herself and her fortune, so there was no cement, nor were any trees +felled. + +"Well, he scored after all. Yes, and mother too; but God help ME!" + +Then he reckoned up what the timber and the fortune together would have +been worth, and what further sum could have been raised on the +property, the value of the cement-bed being taken into consideration. +He understood his father better than his mother. What a fortune, what +power, what magnificence, what a life! + +At the parsonage he carried every one with him. + +The Dean, because he saw at once what this was worth. "You are a rich +man now," he said. The Dean's wife, because she felt attracted by his +ability and enthusiasm. Helene? Helene was silent and frightened. He +turned towards her and asked if she would come with him in the boat to +see it. She really must see how extensive the bed was. + +"Yes, dear, go with him," said her father. + +Rafael wished to sit behind her in the boat and hastened towards the +bow; but, without a word, she passed him, sat down, and took her oars; +so, after all, he had to sit in front of her. + +They thus began at cross purposes. His back was towards her, he saw how +the water foamed under her oars, there was a secret struggle, a tacit +fear, which was heard in the few words which they exchanged, and which +merely increased their constraint. + +When they drew near to their destination they were flushed and hot. Now +he was obliged to turn round to look for the place of landing. To begin +with, they went slowly along the whole cement-bed as far as it was +visible. He was now turned so as to face her, and he explained it all +to her. She kept her eyes fixed on the cliff, and only glanced at him, +or did not look at him all. They turned the boat again, in order to +land at the place where he intended the factory to stand. A portion of +the rock would have to be blasted to make room, the harbour too must be +made safer so that vessels might lie close in, and all this would cost +money. + +He landed first in order to help her, but she jumped on shore without +his assistance; then they climbed upwards, he leading the way, +explaining everything as he went; she following with eyes and ears +intent. + +All for which, from her childhood, she had worked so hard at +Hellebergene, and all which she had dreamed of for the estate, had +become so little now. It would be many years before the trees yielded +any return. But here was promise of immediate prosperity and future +wealth if, as she never doubted, he proved to be correct. She felt that +this humbled her, made her of no account, but ah! how great it made him +seem! + +The rowing, the climbing, the excitement, gave animation to Rafael's +explanations; face and figure showed his state of tension. She felt +almost giddy: should she return to the boat and row away alone? But she +was too proud thus to betray herself. + +It seemed to her that there was the look of a conqueror in his eyes; +but she did not intend to be conquered. Neither did she wish to appear +as the one who had remained at home and speculated on his return. That +would be simply to turn all that was most cherished, most unselfish in +her life, against herself. Something in him frightened her, something +which, perhaps, he himself could not master--his inward agitation. It +was not boisterous or terrifying; it was glowing, earnest zeal, which +seemed to deprive him of power and her of will, and this she would not +endure. + +Hardly had they gained the summit from which they could look out over +the islands to the open sea, and across to Hellebergene, to the +parsonage, and the river flowing into the inner bay, than he turned +away from it all towards her, as she stood with heaving breast, glowing +cheeks, and eyes which dare not turn away from the sea. + +"Helene," he whispered, approaching her; he wished to take her in his +arms. + +She trembled, although she did not turn round; the next moment she +sprang away from him, and did not pause till she had got down to the +boat, which she was about to push off, but bethought herself that it +would be too cowardly, so she remained standing and watched him come +after her. + +"Helene," he called from above, "why do you run away from me?" + +"Rafael, you must not," she answered when he rejoined her. The +strongest accent of both prayer and command of which a powerful nature +is capable sounded in her words. She in the boat, he on the shore; they +eyed one another like two antagonists, watchful and breathing hard, +till he loosed the boat, stepped in and pushed off. + +She took her seat; but before doing the same he said: + +"You know quite well what I wanted to say to you." He spoke with +difficulty. + +She did not answer and got out her oars; her tears were ready to flow. +They rowed home again more slowly than they had come. + +A lark hovered over their heads. The note of a thrush was heard away +inland. A guillemot skimmed over the water in the same direction as +their own, and a tern on curved wing screamed in their wake. There was +a sense of expectation over all. The scent of the young fir-trees and +the heather was wafted out to them; farther in lay the flowery meadows +of Hellebergene. At a great distance an eagle could be seen, high in +air, winging his way from the mountains, followed by a flock of +screaming crows, who imagined that they were chasing him. Rafael drew +Helene's attention to them. + +"Yes, look at them," she said; and these few words, spoken naturally, +helped to put both more at their ease. He looked round at her and +smiled, and she smiled back at him. He felt in the seventh heaven of +delight, but it must not be spoken. But the oars seemed to repeat in +measured cadence, "It--is--she. It--is--she. It--is--she." He said to +himself, Is not her resistance a thousand times sweeter than-- + +"It is strange that the sea birds no longer breed on the islands in +here," he said. + +"That is because for a long time the birds have not been protected; +they have gone farther out." + +"They must be protected again: we must manage to bring the birds back, +must we not?" + +"Yes," she answered. + +He turned quickly towards her. Perhaps she should not have said that, +she thought, for had he not said "we"? + +To show how far she was from such a thought, she looked towards the +land. "The clover is not good this year." + +"No. What shall you do with the plot next year?" + +But she did not fall into the trap. He turned round, but she looked +away. + +Now the rush of the river tossed them up and down in a giddy dance, as +the force of the stream met the boat. Rafael looked up to where they +had walked together the first day. He turned to see if she were not, by +chance, looking in the same direction. Yes, she was! + +They rowed on towards the landing-place at the parsonage, and he spoke +once or twice, but she had learned that that was dangerous. They +reached the beach. + +"Helene!" said he, as she jumped on shore with a good-bye in passing, +"Helene!" But she did not stay. "Helene!" he shouted, with such meaning +in it that she turned. + +She looked at him, but only remained for a moment. No more was needed! +He rowed home like the greatest conqueror that those waters had ever +seen. Ever since the Vikings had met together in the innermost creek, +and left behind them the barrow which is still to be seen near the +parsonage--yes, ever since the elk of the primaeval forest, with mighty +antlers, swam away from the doe which he had won in combat, to the +other which he heard on the opposite shore. Since the first swarm of +ants, like a waving fan, danced up and down in the sunlight, on its one +day of flight. Since the first seals struggled against each other to +reach the one whom they saw lie sunning herself on the rocks. + +Fru Kaas had seen them pass as they rowed out at a furious pace. She +had seen them row slowly back, and she understood everything. No sooner +had the cement stone been found than-- + +She paced up and down; she wept. + +She did not put any dependence on his constancy; in any case it was too +early for Rafael to settle himself here: he had something very +different before him. The cement stone would not run away from him, or +the girl either, if there were anything serious in it. She regarded his +meeting with Helene as merely an obstacle in the way, which barred his +further progress. + +Rafael rowed towards home, bending to his oars till the water foamed +under the bow of his boat. Now he has landed; now he drags the boat up +as if she were an eel-pot. Now he strides quickly up to the house. + +Frightened, despairing, his mother shrank into the farthest corner of +the sofa, with her feet drawn up under her, and, as he burst in through +the door and began to speak, she cried out: "Taisez-vous! des egards, +s'il vous plait." She stretched out her arms before her as if for +protection. But now he came, borne on the wings of love and happiness. +His future was there. + +He did what he had never done before: went straight up to her, drew her +arms down, embraced and kissed her, first on the forehead, then on the +cheeks, eyes, mouth, ears, neck, wherever he could; all without a word. + +He was quite beside himself. + +"Mad boy," she gasped; "des egards, mais Rafael, donc!--Que--" And she +threw herself on his breast with her arms round his neck. + +"Now you will forsake me, Rafael," she said, crying. + +"Forsake you, mother! No one can unite the two wings like Helene." + +And now he began a panegyric on her, without measure, and unconscious +that he said the same thing over and over again. When he became +quieter, and she was permitted to breathe, she begged to be alone: she +was used to being alone. In the evening she came down to him, and said +that, first of all, they ought to go to Christiania, and find an expert +to examine the cement-bed and learn what further should be done. Her +cousin, the Government Secretary, would be able to advise them, and +some of her other relations as well. Most of them were engineers and +men of business. He was reluctant to leave Hellebergene just now, he +said, she must understand that; besides, they had agreed not to go away +until the autumn. But she maintained that this was the surest way to +win Helene; only she begged that, with regard to her, things should +remain as they were till they had been to Christiania. On this point +she was inflexible, and it was so arranged. + +As was their custom, they packed up at once. They drove over to the +parsonage that same evening to say good-bye. They were all very merry +there: on Fru Kaas's side because she was uneasy, and wished to conceal +the fact by an appearance of liveliness; on the Dean's part because he +really was in high spirits at the discovery which promised prosperity +both to Hellebergene and the district; on his wife's because she +suspected something. The most hearty good wishes were therefore +expressed for their journey. + +Rafael had availed himself of the general preoccupation to exchange a +few last words with Helene in a corner. He obtained a half-promise from +her that when he wrote she would answer; but he was careful not to say +that he had spoken to his mother. He felt that Helene would be startled +by a proceeding which came quite naturally to him. + +As they drove away, he waved his hat as long as they remained in sight. +The waving was returned, first by all, but finally by only one. + +The summer evening was light and warm, but not light enough, not warm +enough, not wide enough; there did not seem room enough in it for him; +it was not bright enough to reflect his happiness. He could not sleep, +yet he did not wish to talk; companionship or solitude were alike +distasteful to him. He thought seriously of walking or rowing over to +the parsonage again and knocking at the window of Helene's room. He +actually went down to the boathouse and got out the boat. But perhaps +it would frighten her, and possibly injure his own cause. So he rowed +out and out to the farthest islands, and there he frightened the birds. +At his approach they rose: first a few, then many, then all protested +in a hideous chorus of wild screams. He was enveloped in an angry +crowd, a pandemonium of birds. But it did not ruffle his good humour. +"Wait a bit," he said to them. "Wait a bit, until the islands at +Hellebergene are 'protected,' and the whole estate as well. Then you +shall come and be happy with us. Good-bye till then!" + + + + +CHAPTER 4 + + +He came to Christiania like a tall ship gay with flags. His love was +the music on board. + +His numerous relations were ready to receive him. Of these many were +engineers, who were a jour with all his writings, which they had taken +care should be well known. Some of the largest mechanical undertakings +in the country were in their hands, so that they had connections in +every direction. + +Once more the family had a genius in its midst; that is to say, one to +make a show with. Rafael went from entertainment to entertainment, from +presentation to presentation, and wherever he or his mother went court +was paid to them. + +In all this the ladies of the family were even more active than their +lords; and they had not been in the town many days before every one +knew that they were to be the rage. + +There are some people who always will hold aloof. They are as +irresponsive as a sooty kettle when you strike it. They are like +peevish children who say "I won't," or surly old dogs who growl at +every one. But HE was so exceedingly genial, a capital fellow with the +highest spirits. He had looks as well; he was six feet high; and all +those six feet were clothed in perfect taste. He had large flashing +eyes and a broad forehead. He was practised in making clear to others +all in which he was interested, and at such times how handsome he +looked! He was a thorough man of the world, able to converse in several +languages at the cosmopolitan dinners which were a speciality of the +Ravns. He was the owner of one of the few extensive estates in Norway, +and had the control, it was said, of a considerable fortune besides. + +The half of this would have been enough to set all tongues wagging; +therefore, first the family, then their friends, then the whole town +feted him. He was a nine days' wonder! One must know the critical, +unimaginative natives of Christiania, who daily pick each other to +pieces to fill the void in their existences; one must have admired +their endless worrying of threadbare topics to understand what it must +be when they got hold of a fresh theme. + +Nothing which flies before the storm is more dangerous than desert +sand, nothing can surpass a Christiania FUROR. + +When it became known that two of his relations who were conversant with +the subject, together with a distinguished geologist and a +superintendent of mines, had been down to Hellebergene with Rafael, and +had found that his statements were well grounded, he was captured and +borne off in triumph twenty times a day. It was trying work, but HE was +always in the vein, and ready to take the rough with the smooth. In all +respects the young madcap was up to the standard, so that day and night +passed in a ceaseless whirl, which left every one but himself +breathless. The glorious month at Hellebergene had done good. He was +drawn into endless jovial adventures, so strange, so audacious, that +one would have staked one's existence that such things were impossible +in Christiania. But great dryness begets thirst. He was in the humour +of a boy who has got possession of a jam-pot, whose mouth, nose, and +hands are all besmirched. It is thus that ladies like children best; +then they are the sweetest things in the world. + +Like a tall, full-grown mountain-ash covered by a flock of starlings, +he was the centre of a fluttering crowd. It only remained for him to be +deified, and this too came to pass. One day he visited several +factories, giving a hint here, another there (he had great practical +knowledge and a quick eye) and every hint was of value. + +At last in a factory of something the same description as the one in +France where he had been the means of economising half the motive +power, he suggested a similar plan; he saw on the spot how it could be +effected. This became the subject of much conversation. It grew and +grew, it rose like the sea after days of westerly gales. This new +genius, but little over twenty, would surely some day be the wonder of +the country. It soon became the fashion for every manufacturer to +invite him to visit his factory, and it was only after they were +convinced that they had a god among them that it became serious, for +enthusiasm in a manufacturer strikes every one. The ladies only waited +for this important moment to go at a bound from the lowest degree of +sense to the fifth degree of madness. Their eyes danced on him like +sunlight on polished metal. He himself paid little heed to degree or +temperature; he was too happy in his genial contentment, and too +indifferent as well. One thing which greatly helped to bring him to the +right pitch was the family temperament, for it was so like his own. He +was a Ravn through and through, with perhaps a little grain of Kaas +added. He was what they called pure Ravn, quite unalloyed. He seemed to +them to have come straight from the fountain-head of their race, +endowed with its primitive strength. This strong physical attribute had +perhaps made his abilities more fertile, but the family claimed the +abilities, too, as their own. + +Through Hans Ravn, Rafael had learned to value the companionship of his +relations; now he had it in perfection. For every word that he said +appreciative laughter was ready--it really sparkled round him. When he +disagreed with prevailing tastes, prejudices, and morals, they +disagreed too. When his precocious intelligence burst upon them, they +were always ready to applaud. They even met him half-way--they could +foresee the direction of his thoughts. As he was young in years and +disposition, and at the same time knew more than most young people, he +suited both old and young. Ah! how he prospered in Norway! + +His mother went with him everywhere. Her life had at one time appeared +to her relations to be most objectless, but how much she had made of +it! They respected her persevering efforts to attain the goal, and she +became aware of this. In the most elegant toilettes, with her discreet +manner and distinguished deportment, she was hurried from party to +party, from excursion to excursion, until it became too much for her. + +It went too far, too; her taste was offended by it; she grew +frightened. But the train of dissipation went on without her, like a +string of carriages which bore him along with it while she was shaken +off. Her eyes followed the cloud of dust far away, and the roll of the +wheels echoed back to her. + +Helene--how about Helene? Was she too out in the cold? Far from it. +Rafael was as certain that she was with him as that his gold watch was +next his heart. The very first day that he arrived he wrote a letter to +her. It was not long, he had not time for that, but it was thoroughly +characteristic. He received an answer at once; the hostess of the +pension brought it to him herself. He was so immensely delighted that +the lady, who was related to the Dean and who had noticed the post +mark, divined the whole affair--a thing which amused him greatly. + +But Helene's letter was evasive; she evidently knew him too little to +dare to speak out. + +He never found time to draw the hostess into conversation on the +subject, however. He came home late, he got up late, and then there +were always friends waiting for him; so that he was not seen in the +pension again until he returned to dress for dinner, during which time +the carriage waited at the door, for he never got home till the last +moment. + +When could he write? It would soon all be done with, and then home to +Helene! + +The business respecting the cement detained him longer than he had +anticipated. His mother made complications; not that she opposed the +formation of a company, but she raised many difficulties: she should +certainly prefer to have the whole affair postponed. He had no time to +talk her round, besides, she irritated him. He told it to the hostess. + +A curious being, this hostess, who directed the pension, the business +of the inmates, and a number of children, without apparent effort. She +was a widow; two of her children were nearly twenty, but she looked +scarcely thirty. Tall, dark, clever, with eyes like glowing coals; +decided, ready in conversation as in business, like an officer long +used to command, always trusted, always obeyed; one yielded oneself +involuntarily to her matter-of-course way of arranging everything, and +she was obliging, even self-sacrificing, to those she liked--it was +true that that was not everybody. This absence of reserve was +especially characteristic of her, and was another reason why all relied +on her. She had long ago taken up Fru Kaas--entertained her first and +foremost. Angelika Nagel used in conversation modern Christiania slang +which is the latest development of the language. In the choice of +expressions, words such as hideous were applied to what was the very +opposite of hideous, such as "hideously amusing," "hideously handsome." +"Snapping" to anything that was liquid, as "snapping good punch." One +did not say "PRETTY" but "quite too pretty" or "hugely pretty." On the +other hand, one did not say "bad" for anything serious, but with +comical moderation "baddish." Anything that there was much of went by +miles; for instance, "miles of virtue." This slipshod style of talk, +which the idlers of large towns affect, had just become the fashion in +Christiania. All this seemed new and characteristic to the careless +emancipated party which had arisen as a protest against the prudery +which Fru Kaas, in her time, had combated. The type therefore amused +her:--she studied it. + +Angelika Nagel relieved her of all her business cares, which were only +play to her. It was the same thing with the question of the cement +undertaking. In an apparently careless manner she let drop what had +been said and done about it, which had its effect on Fru Kaas. Soon +things had progressed so far that it became necessary to consult Rafael +about it, and as he was difficult to catch, she sat up for him at +night. The first time that she opened the door for him he was +absolutely shy, and when he heard what she wanted him for he was above +measure grateful. The next time he kissed her! She laughed and ran away +without speaking to him--that was all he got for his pains. But he had +held her in his arms, and he glowed with a suddenly awakened passion. + +She, in the meantime, kept out of his way, even during the day he never +saw her unless he sought her. But when he least expected it she again +met him at the door; there was something which she really MUST say to +him. There was a struggle, but at last she twisted herself away from +him and disappeared. He whispered after her as loud as he dared, "Then +I shall go away!" + +But while he was undressing she slipped into his room. + +The next day, before he was quite awake, the postman brought him the +warrant for a post-office order for fifteen thousand francs. He thought +that there must be a mistake in the name, or else that it was a +commission that had been entrusted to him. No! it was from the French +manufacturer whose working expenses he had reduced so greatly. He +permitted himself, he wrote, to send this as a modest honorarium. He +had not been able to do so sooner, but now hoped that it would not end +there. He awaited Rafael's acknowledgment with great anxiety, as he was +not sure of his address. + +Rafael was up and dressed in a trice. He told his news to every one, +ran down to his mother and up again; but he had not been a moment alone +before the superabundance of happiness and sense of victory frightened +him. Now there must be an end of all this, now he would go home. He had +not had the slightest prickings of conscience, the slightest longings, +until now; all at once they were uncontrollable. SHE stood upon the +hilltop, pure and noble. It became agonising. He must go at once, or it +would drive him mad. This anxiety was made less acute by the sight of +his mother's sincere pleasure. She came up to him when she heard that +he had shut himself into his room. They had a really comfortable talk +together--finally about the state of their finances. They lived in the +pension because they could no longer afford to live in an hotel. The +estate would bring nothing in until the timber once more became +profitable, and her capital was no longer intact--notwithstanding the +prohibition. Now she was ready to let him arrange about the cement +company. On this he went out into the town, where his court soon +gathered round him. + +But the large sum of money which was required could not be raised in a +day, so the affair dragged on. He grew impatient, he must and would go; +and finally his mother induced her cousin, the Government Secretary, to +form the company, and they prepared to leave. They paid farewell visits +to some of their friends, and sent cards and messages of thanks to the +rest. Everything was ready, the very day had come, when Rafael, before +he was up, received a letter from the Dean. + +An anonymous letter from Christiania, he wrote, had drawn his attention +to Rafael's manner of life there, and he had in consequence obtained +further information, the result being that he was, that day, sending +his daughter abroad. There was nothing more in the letter. But Rafael +could guess what had passed between father and daughter. + +He dressed himself and rushed down to his mother. His indignation +against the rascally creatures who had ruined his and Helene's +future--"Who could it have been?"--was equalled by his despair. She was +the only one he cared for; all the others might go to the deuce. He +felt angry, too, that the Dean, or any one else, should have dared to +treat him in this way, to dismiss him like a servant, not to speak to +him, not to put him in a position to speak for himself. + +His mother had read the letter calmly, and now she listened to him +calmly, and when he became still more furious she burst out laughing. +It was not their habit to settle their differences by words; but this +time it flashed into his mind that she had not persuaded him to come +here merely on account of the cement, but in order to separate him from +Helene, and this he said to her. + +"Yes," he added, "now it will be just the same with me as it was with +my father, and it will be your fault this time as well." With this he +went out. + +Fru Kaas left Christiania shortly afterwards, and he left the same +evening--for France. + +From France he wrote the most pressing letter to the Dean, begging him +to allow Helene to return home, so that they could be married at once. +Whatever the Dean had heard about his life in Christiania had nothing +to do with the feelings which he nourished for Helene. She, and she +alone, had the power to bind him; he would remain hers for life. + +The Dean did not answer him. + +A month later he wrote again, acknowledging this time that he had +behaved foolishly. He had been merely thoughtless. He had been led on +by other things. The details were deceptive, but he swore that this +should be the end of it all. He would show that he deserved to be +trusted; nay, he HAD shown it ever since he left Christiania. He begged +the Dean to be magnanimous. This was practically exile for him, for he +could not return to Hellebergene without Helene. Everything which he +loved there had become consecrated by her presence; every project which +he had formed they had planned together; in fact, his whole future--He +fretted and pined till he found it impossible to work as seriously as +he wished to do. + +This time he received an answer--a brief one. + +The Dean wrote that only a lengthened probation could convince them of +the sincerity of his purpose. + +So it was not to be home, then, and not work; at all events, not work +of any value. He knew his mother too well to doubt that now the cement +business was shelved, whether the company were formed or not--he was +only too sure of that. + +He had written to his mother, begging earnestly to be forgiven for what +he had said. She must know that it was only the heat of the moment. She +must know how fond he was of her, and how unhappy he felt at being in +discord with her on the subject which was, and always would be, most +dear to him. + +She answered him prettily and at some length, without a word about what +had happened or about Helene. She gave him a great deal of news, among +other things what the Dean intended to do about the estate. + +From this he concluded that she was on the same terms with the Dean as +before. Perhaps his latest reasons for deferring the affair was +precisely this: that he saw that Fru Kaas did not interest herself for +it. + +It wore on towards the autumn. All this uncertainty made him feel +lonely, and his thoughts turned towards his friends at Christiania. He +wrote to tell them that he intended to make towards home. He meant, +however, to remain a little time at Copenhagen. + +At Copenhagen he met Angelika Nagel again. She was in company with two +of his student friends. She was in the highest spirits, glowing with +health and beauty, and with that jaunty assurance which turns the heads +of young men. + +He had, during all this time, banished the subject of his intrigue from +his mind, and he came there without the least intention of renewing it; +but now, for the first time in his life, he became jealous! + +It was quite a novel feeling, and he was not prepared to resist it. He +grew jealous if he so much as saw her in company with either of the +young men. She had a hearty outspoken manner, which rekindled his +former passion. + +Now a new phase of his life began, divided between furious jealousy and +passionate devotion. This led, after her departure, to an interchange +of letters, which ended in his following her to Christiania. + +On board the steamer he overheard a conversation between the steward +and stewardess. "She sat up for him of nights till she got what she +wanted, and now she has got hold of him." + +It was possible that this conversation did not concern him, but it was +equally possible that the woman might have been in the pension at +Christiania. He did not know her. + +It is strange that in all such intrigues as his with Angelika the +persons concerned are always convinced that they are invisible. He +believed that, up to this time, no human being had known anything about +it. The merest suspicion that this was not the case made it altogether +loathsome. + +The pension--Angelika--the letters. He would be hanged if he would go +on with it for any earthly inducement. Had Angelika angled for him and +landed him like a stupid fat fish? He had been absolutely unsuspicious. +The whole affair had been without importance, until they met again at +Copenhagen. Perhaps THAT, too, had been a deep-laid plan. + +Nothing can more wound a man's vanity than to find that, believing +himself a victor, he is in truth a captive. + +Rafael paced the deck half the night, and when he reached Christiania +went to an hotel, intending to go home the next day to Hellebergene, +come what would. This and everything of the kind must end for ever: it +simply led straight to the devil. When once he was at home, and could +find out where Helene was, the rest would soon be settled. + +From the hotel he went up to Angelika Nagel's pension to say that some +luggage which was there was to be sent down to the hotel at once--he +was leaving that afternoon. + +He had dined and gone up to his room to pack, when Angelika stood +before him. She was at once so pretty and so sad-looking that he had +never seen anything more pathetic. + +Had he really kept away from her house? Was he going at once? + +She wept so despairingly that he, who was prepared for anything rather +than to see her so inconsolable, answered her evasively. + +Their relations, he said, had had no more significance than a chance +meeting. This they both understood; therefore she must realise that, +sooner or later, it must end. And now the time was come. + +Indeed, it had more significance, she said. There had never been any +one to whom she had been so much attached; this she had proved to him. +Now she had come here to tell him that she was enceinte. She was in as +great despair about it as any one could be. It was ruin for herself and +her children. She had never contemplated anything so frightful, but her +mad love had carried her away; so now she was where she deserved to be. + +Rafael did not answer, for he could not collect his thoughts. She sat +at a table, her face buried in her hands, but his eye fell on her +strong arms in the close-fitting sleeves, her little foot thrust from +beneath her dress; he saw how her whole frame was shaken by sobs. +Nevertheless, what first made him collect his thoughts was not sympathy +with her who was here before him; it was the thought of Helene, of the +Dean, of his mother: what would THEY say? + +As though she were conscious whither his thoughts had flown, she raised +her head. "Will you really go away from me?" What despair was in her +face! The strong woman was weaker than a child. + +He stood erect before her, beside his open trunk. He, too, was +absolutely miserable. + +"What good will it do for me to stay here?" he asked gently. + +Her eyes fixed themselves on him, dilating, becoming clearer every +moment. Her mouth grew scornful. She seemed to grow taller every moment. + +"You will marry me if you are an honourable man!" + +"Marry--you?" he exclaimed, first startled, then disdainful. An evil +expression came into her eyes; she thrust her head forward; the whole +woman collected herself for the attack like a tiger-cat, but it ended +with a violent blow on the table. + +"Yes you SHALL, devil take me!" she whispered. + +She rushed past him to the window. What was she going to do? + +She opened it, screamed out he could not clearly hear what, leant far +out, and screamed again; then closed it, and turned towards him, +threatening, triumphant. He was as white as a sheet, not because he was +frightened or dreaded her threats, but because he recognised in her a +mortal enemy. He braced himself for the struggle. + +She saw this at once. She was conscious of his strength before he had +made a movement. There was that in his eye, in his whole demeanour, +which SHE would never be able to overcome: a look of determination +which one would not willingly contest. If he had not understood her +till now, he had equally revealed himself to her. + +All the more wildly did she love him. He rejoiced that he had taken no +notice of what she had done, but turned to put the last things into his +trunk and fasten it. Then she came close up to him, in more complete +contrition, penitence, and wretchedness than he had ever seen in life +or art. Her face stiffened with terror, her eyes fixed, her whole frame +rigid, only her tears flowed quietly, without a sob. She must and would +have him. She seemed to draw him to herself as into a vortex: her love +had become the necessity of her life, its utterances the wild cry of +despair. + +He understood it now. But he put the things into his trunk and fastened +it, took a few steps about the room, as if he were alone, with such an +expression of face that she herself saw that the thing was impossible. + +"Do you not believe," she said quietly, "that I would relieve you of +all cares, so that you could go on with your own work? Have you not +seen that I can manage your mother?" She paused a moment, then added: +"Hellebergene--I know the place. The Dean is a relation of mine. I have +been there; that would be something that I could take charge of; do you +not think so? And the cement quarries," she added; "I have a turn for +business: it should be no trouble to you." She said this in an +undertone. She had a slight lisp, which gave her an air of +helplessness. "Don't go away, to-day, at any rate. Think it over," she +added, weeping bitterly again. + +He felt that he ought to comfort her. + +She came towards him, and throwing her arms round him, she clung to him +in her despair and eagerness. "Don't go, don't go!" She felt that he +was yielding. "Never," she whispered, "since I have been a widow have I +given myself to any one but you; and so judge for yourself." She laid +her head on his shoulder and sobbed bitterly. + +"It has come upon me so suddenly," he said; "I cannot--" + +"Then take time," she interrupted in a whisper, and took a hasty kiss. +"Oh, Rafael!" She twined her arms round him: her touch thrilled through +him-- + +Some one knocked at the door: they started away from each other. It was +the man who had come for the luggage. Rafael flushed crimson. "I shall +not go till to-morrow," he said. + +When the man had left the room Angelika sprang towards Rafael. She +thanked and kissed him. Oh, how she beamed with delight and exultation! +She was like a girl of twenty, or rather like a young man, for there +was something masculine in her manner as she left him. + +But the light and fire were no sooner withdrawn than his spirits fell. +A little later he lay at full length on the sofa, as though in a grave. +He felt as though he could never get up from it again. What was his +life now? For there is a dream in every life which is its soul, and +when the dream is gone the life appears a corpse. + +This, then, was the fulfilment of his forebodings. Hither the ravens +had followed the wild beast which dwelt in him. It would on longer play +and amuse him, but strike its claws into him in earnest, overthrow him, +and lap his fresh-spilt blood. + +But it was none the less certain that if he left her she would be +ruined, she and her child. Then no one would consider him as an +honourable man, least of all himself. + +During his last sojourn in France, when he could not settle down to a +great work which was constantly dawning before him, he had thought to +himself--You have taken life too lightly. Nothing great ever comes to +him who does so. + +Now, perhaps, when he did his duty here; took upon himself the burden +of his fault towards her, himself, and others--and bore it like a man; +then perhaps he would be able to utilise all his powers. That was what +his mother had done, and she had succeeded. + +But with the thought of his mother came the thought of Helene, of his +dream. It was flying from him like a bird of passage from the autumn. +He lay there and felt as though he could never get up again. + +From amid the turmoil of the last summer there came to his recollection +two individuals, in whom he reposed entire confidence: a young man and +his wife. He went to see them the same evening and laid the facts +honestly before them, for now, at all events, he was honest. The +conclusive proof of being so is to be able to tell everything about +oneself as he did now. + +They heard him with dismay, but their advice was remarkable. He ought +to wait and see if she were enceinte. + +This aroused his spirit of contradiction. There was no doubt about it, +for she was perfectly truthful. But she might be mistaken; she ought to +make quite sure. This suggestion, too, shocked him; but he agreed that +she should come and talk things over with them. They knew her. + +She came the next day. They said to her, what they could not very well +say to Rafael, that she would ruin him. The wife especially did not +spare her. A highly gifted young man like Rafael Kaas, with such +excellent prospects in every way, must not, when little more than +twenty, burden himself with a middle-aged wife and a number of +children. He was far from rich, he had told her so himself; his life +would be that of a beast of burden, and that too, before he had learned +to bear the yoke. If he had to work, to feed so many people, he might +strain himself to the uttermost, he would still remain mediocre. They +would both suffer under this, be disappointed and discontented. He must +not pay so heavy a price for an indiscretion for which she was ten +times more to blame than he. What did she imagine people would say? He +who was so popular, so sought after. They would fall upon her like +rooks at a rooks' parliament and pick her to pieces. They would, +without exception, believe the worst. + +The husband asked her if she were quite sure that she was enceinte: she +ought to make quite certain. + +Angelika Nazel reddened, and answered, half scornful, half laughing, +that she ought to know. + +"Yes," he retorted, "many people have said that--who were mistaken. If +it is understood that you are to be married on account of your +condition, and it should afterwards turn out that you were mistaken, +what do you suppose that people will say? for of course it will get +about." + +She reddened again and sprang to her feet. "They can say what they +please." After a pause she added: "But God knows I do not wish to make +him unhappy." + +To conceal her emotion she turned away from them, but the wife would +not give up. She suggested that Angelika should write to Rafael without +further delay, to set him free and let him return home to his mother; +there they would be able to arrange matters. Angelika was so capable +that she could earn a living anywhere. Rafael too ought to help her. + +"I shall write to his mother," Angelika said. "She shall know all about +it, so that she may understand for what he is responsible." + +This they thought reasonable, and Angelika sat down and wrote. She +frequently showed agitation, but she went on quickly, steadily, sheet +after sheet. Just then came a ring--a messenger with a letter. The maid +brought it in. Her mistress was about to take it, but it was not for +her; it was for Angelika--they both recognised Rafael's careless +handwriting. + +Angelika opened it--grew crimson; for he wrote that the result of his +most serious considerations was, that neither she nor her children +should be injured by him. He was an honourable man who would bear his +own responsibilities, not let others be burdened by them. + +Angelika handed the letter to her friend, then tore up the one which +she had been writing, and left the house. + +Her friend stood thinking to herself--The good that is in us must go +bail for the evil, so we must rest and be satisfied. + +The discovery which she had made had often been made before, but it was +none the less true. + + + + +CHAPTER 5 + + +The next day they were married. That night, long after his wife had +fallen into her usual healthy sleep, Rafael thought sorrowfully of his +lost Paradise. HE could not sleep. As he lay there he seemed to look +out over a meadow, which had no springtime, and therefore no flowers. +He retraced the events of the past day. His would be a marred life +which had never known the sweet joys of courtship. + +Angelika did not share his beliefs. She was a stern realist, a sneering +sceptic, in the most literal sense a cynic. + +Her even breathing, her regular features, seemed to answer him. +"Hey-dey, my boy, we shall be merry for a thousand years! Better sleep +now, you will need sleep if you mean to try which of us is the +stronger." + +The next day their marriage was the marvel of the town and +neighbourhood. + +"Just like his mother!" people exclaimed; "what promise there was in +her! She might have chosen so as to have been now in one of the best +positions in the country--when, lo and behold! she went and made the +most idiotic marriage. The most idiotic? No, the son's is more idiotic +still." And so on and so forth. + +Most people seem naturally impelled to exalt the hero of the hour +higher than they themselves intend, and when a reaction comes, to decry +him in an equal degree. Few people see with their own eyes, and on +special occasions even magnifying or diminishing glasses are called +into play with most amusing results. + +"Rafael Kaas a handsome fellow?--well, yes, but too big, too fair, no +repose, altogether too restless. Rich? He? He has not a stiver! The +savings eaten up long ago, nothing coming in, they have been +encroaching on their capital for some time; and the beds of cement +stone--who the deuce would join with him in any large undertaking? They +talk about his gifts, his genius even; but IS he very highly gifted? Is +it anything more than what he has acquired? The saving of motive power +at the factory? Was that anything more than a mere repetition of what +he had done before?--and that, of course, only what he had seen +elsewhere." + +Just the same with the hints which he had given. "Merely close personal +observation; for it must be admitted that he had more of that than most +people; but as for ingenuity! Well, he could make out a good case for +himself, but that was about the extent of his ingenuity." + +"His earlier articles, as well as those which had recently appeared on +the use of electricity in baking and tanning--could you call those +discoveries? Let us see what he will invent now that he has come home, +and cannot get ideas from reading and from seeing people." + +Rafael noticed this change--first among the ladies, who all seemed to +have been suddenly blown away, with a few exceptions, who did not +respect a marriage like his, and who would not give in. + +His relations, also, held somewhat aloof. "It was not thus that he +showed himself a true Ravn. He was so in temperament and disposition, +perhaps, but it was just his defect that he was only a half-breed." + +The change of front was complete: he noticed it on all hands. But he +was man enough, and had sufficient obstinacy as well, to let himself be +urged on by this to hard work, and in his wife there was still more of +the same feeling. + +He had a sense of elevation in having done his duty, and as long as +this tension lasted it kept him up to the mark. On the day of his +marriage (from early in the morning until the time when the ceremony +took place) he employed himself in writing to his mother; a wonderful, +a solemn letter in the sight of the All-Knowing,--the cry of a tortured +soul in utmost peril. + +It depended on his mother whether she would receive them and let their +life become all that was now possible. Angelika--their business, +manager, housekeeper, chief. He--devoted to his experiments. She--the +tender mother, the guide of both. + +It seemed to him that their future depended on this letter and the +answer to it, and he wrote in that spirit. Never had he so fully +depicted himself, so fully searched his own heart. + +It was the outcome of what he had lived through during these last few +days, the mellowing influence of his struggles during the night +watches. Nothing could have been more candid. + +He was pained that he did not receive an answer at once, although he +realised what a blow it would be to her. He understood that, to begin +with, it would destroy all her dreams, as it had already destroyed. But +he relied on her optimistic nature, which he had never known surpassed, +and on the depth of her purpose in all that she undertook. He knew that +she drew strength and resolution from all that was deepest in their +common life. + +Therefore he gave her time, notwithstanding Angelika's restlessness, +which could hardly be controlled. She even began to sneer; but there +was something holy in his anticipation: her words fell unheeded. + +When on the third day he had received no letter, he telegraphed, merely +these words: "Mother, send me an answer." The wires had never carried +anything more fraught with unspoken grief. + +He could not return home. He remained alone outside the town until the +evening, by which time the answer might well have arrived. It was there. + +"My beloved son, YOU are always welcome; most of all when you are +unhappy!" The word YOU was underlined. He grew deadly pale, and went +slowly into his own room. There Angelika let him remain for a while in +peace, then came in and lit the lamp. He could see that she was much +agitated, and that every now and then she cast hasty glances at him. + +"Do you know what, Rafael? you ought simply to go straight to your +mother. It is too bad, both on account of our future and hers. We shall +be ruined by gossip and trash." + +He was too unhappy to be contemptuous. She had no respect for anybody +or anything, he thought; why, then, should he be angry because she felt +none, either for his mother or for his position in regard to her? But +how vulgar Angelika seemed to him, as she bent over a troublesome lamp +and let her impatience break out! Her mouth but too easily acquired a +coarse expression. Her small head would rear itself above her broad +shoulders with a snake-like expression, and her thick wrist-- + +"Well," she said, "when all is said and done, that disgusting +Hellebergene is not worth making a fuss over." + +Now she is annoyed with herself, he thought, and must have her say. She +will not rest until she has picked a quarrel; but she shall not have +that satisfaction. + +"After all that has been said and all that has happened there--" + +But this, too, missed fire. "How could I have supposed that she could +manage my mother?" He got up and paced the room. "Is that what mother +felt? Yet they were such good friends. I suspected nothing then. How is +it that mother's instinct is always more delicate? have I blunted mine?" + +When, a little later, Angelika came in again, he looked so unhappy that +she was struck by it, and she then showed herself so kind and fertile +in resource on his behalf, and there was such sunshine in her +cheerfulness and flow of spirits during the evening, that he actually +brightened up under it, and thought--If mother could have brought +herself to try the experiment, perhaps after all it might have +answered. There is so much that is good and capable in this curious +creature. + +He went to the children. From the first day he and they had taken to +each other. They had been unhappy in the great pension, with a mother +who seldom came near them or took any notice of them, except as clothes +to be patched, mouths to feed, or faults to be punished. + +Rafael had in his nature the unconventionality which delights in +children's confidence, and he felt a desire to love and to be loved. +Children are quick to feel this. + +They only wasted Angelika's time. They were in her way now more than +ever; for it may be said at once that, Rafael had become EVERYTHING to +her. This was the fascination in her, and whatever happened, it never +lost its power. Her tenderness, her devotion, were boundless. By the +aid of her personal charm, her resourceful ingenuity, she obtained +every advantage for him within her range, and even beyond it. It was +felt in her devotion by night and day, when anything was to be done, in +an untiring zeal such as only so strong and healthy a woman could have +had in her power to render. But in words it did not show itself, hardly +even in looks: except, perhaps, while she fought to win him, but never +since then. + +Had she been able to adhere to one line of conduct, if only for a few +weeks at a time, and let herself be guided by her never-failing love, +he would, in this stimulating atmosphere, have made of his married life +what his mother, in spite of all, had made of hers. + +Why did not this happen? Because the jealousy which she had aroused in +him and which had drawn him to her again was now reversed. + +They were hardly married before it was she who was jealous! Was it +strange? A middle-aged woman, even though she be endowed with the +strongest personality and the widest sympathy, when she wins a young +husband who is the fashion--wins him as Angelika won hers--begins to +live in perpetual disquietude lest any one should take him from her. +Had she not taken him herself? + +If we were to say that she was jealous of every human being who came +there, man or woman, old or young, beside those whom he met elsewhere, +it would be an exaggeration, but this exaggeration throws a strong +light upon the state of things, which actually existed. + +If he became at all interested in conversation with any one, she always +interrupted. Her face grew hard, her right foot began to move; and if +this did not suffice, she struck in with sulky or provoking remarks, no +matter who was there. + +If something were said in praise of any one, and it seemed to excite +his interest, she would pooh-pooh it, literally with a "pooh!" a shrug +of the shoulders, a toss of the head, or an impatient tap of the foot. + +At first he imagined that she really knew something disadvantageous +about all those whom she thus disparaged, and he was filled with +admiration at her acquaintance with half Norway. He believed in her +veracity as he believed in few things. He believed, too, that it was +unbounded like so many of her qualities. She said the most cynical +things in the plainest manner without apparent design. + +But little by little it dawned upon him that she said precisely what it +pleased her to say, according to the humour that she was in. + +One day, as they were going to table--he had come in late and was +hungry--he was delighted to see that there were oysters. + +"Oysters! at this time of the year," he cried. "They must be very +expensive." + +"Pooh! that was the old woman, you know. She persuaded me to take them +for you. I got them for next to nothing." + +"That was odd; you have been out, then, too?" + +"Yes, and I saw YOU; you were walking with Emma Ravn." + +He understood at once, by the tone of her voice, that this was not +permitted, but all the same he said, "Yes; how sweet she is! so fresh +and candid." + +"She! Why, she had a child before she was married." + +"Emma? Emma Ravn?" + +"Yes! But I do not know who by." + +"Do you know, Angelika, I do not believe that," he said solemnly. + +"You can do as you please about that, but she was at the pension at the +time, so you can judge for yourself if I am right." + +He could not believe that any human being could so belie themselves. +Emma's eyes, clear as water in a fountain where one can count the +pebbles at the bottom, rose to his mind, in all their innocence. He +could not believe that such eyes could lie. He grew livid, he could not +eat, he left the table. The world was nothing but a delusion, the +purest was impure. + +For a long time after this, whenever he met Emma or her white-haired +mother, he turned aside, so as not to come face to face with them. + +He had clung to his relations: their weak points were apparent to every +one, but their ability and honesty no less so. This one story destroyed +his confidence, impaired his self-reliance, shattered his belief, and +thus made him the poorer. How could he be fit for anything, when he so +constantly allowed himself to be befooled? + +There was not one word of truth in the whole story. + +His simple confidence was held in her grasp, like a child in the talons +of an eagle; but this did not last much longer. + +Fortunately, she was without calculation or perseverance. She did not +remember one day what she had said the day before; for each day she +coolly asserted whatever was demanded by the necessity of the moment. +He, on the contrary, had an excellent memory; and his mathematical mind +ranged the evidence powerfully against her. Her gifts were more aptness +and quickness than anything else, they were without training, without +cohesion, and permeated with passion at all points. Therefore he could, +at any moment, crush her defence; but whenever this happened, it was so +evident that she had been actuated by jealousy that it flattered his +vanity; which was the reason why he did not regard it seriously +enough--did not pursue his advantage. Perhaps if he had done so, he +would have discovered more, for this jealousy was merely the form which +her uneasiness took. This uneasiness arose from several causes. + +The fact was that she had a past and she had debts which she had +denied, and now she lived in perpetual dread lest any one should +enlighten him. If any one got on the scent, she felt sure that this +would be used against her. It merely depended on what he learned--in +other words, with whom he associated. + +She could disregard anonymous letters because he did so, but there were +plenty of disagreeable people who might make innuendoes. + +She saw that Rafael too, to some extent, avoided his countless friends +of old days. She did not understand the reason, but it was this: that +he, as well, felt that they knew more of her than it was expedient for +HIM to know. She saw that he made ingenious excuses for not being seen +out with her. This, too, she misconstrued. She did not at all +understand that he, in his way, was quite as frightened as she was of +what people might say. She believed that he sought the society of +others rather than hers. If nothing more came of such intercourse, +stories might be told. This was the reason for her slanders about +almost every one he spoke to. If they had vilified her, they must be +vilified in return. + +She had debts, and this could not be concealed unless she increased +them; this she did with a boldness worthy of a better cause. The house +was kept on an extravagant scale, with an excellent table and great +hospitality. Otherwise he would not be comfortable at home, she said +and believed. + +She herself vied with the most fashionably dressed ladies in the town. +Her daily struggle to maintain her hold on him demanded this. It +followed, of course, that she got everything for "nothing" or "the +greatest bargain in the world." There was always some one "who almost +gave it" to her. He did not know himself how much money he spent, +perhaps, because she hunted and drove him from one thing to another. + +Originally he had thought of going abroad; but with a wife who knew no +foreign languages, with a large family-- + +Here at home, as he soon discovered, every one had lost confidence in +him. He dared not take up anything important, or else he wished to wait +a little before he came to any definite determination. In the meantime, +he did whatever came to hand, and that was often work of a subordinate +description. Both from weariness, and from the necessity to earn a +living, he ended by doing only mediocre work, and let things drift. + +He always gave out that this was only "provisional." His scientific +gifts, his inventive genius, with so many pounds on his back, did not +rise high, but they should yet! He had youth's lavish estimate of time +and strength, and therefore did not see, for a long time, that the +large family, the large house were weighing him farther and farther +down. If only he could have a little peace, he thought, he would carry +out his present ideas and new ones also. He felt such power within him. + +But peace was just what he never had. Now we come to the worst, or more +properly, to the sum of what has gone before. The ceaseless uneasiness +in which Angelika lived broke out into perpetual quarrelling. For one +thing, she had no self-command. A caprice, a mistake, an anxiety +over-ruled everything. She seized the smallest opportunities. +Again--and this was a most important factor--there was her overpowering +anxiety to keep possession of him; this drew her away from what she +should have paid most heed to, in order to let him have peace. She +continued her lavish housekeeping, she let the children drift, she +concentrated all her powers on him. Her jealousy, her fears, her debts, +sapped his fertile mind, destroyed his good humour, laid desolate his +love of the beautiful and his creative power. + +He had in particular one great project, which he had often, but +ineffectually, attempted to mature. The effort to do so had begun +seriously one day on the heights above Hellebergene, and had continued +the whole summer. Curiously enough, one morning, as he sat at some most +wearisome work, Hellebergene and Helene, in the spring sunshine, rose +before him, and with them his project, lofty and smiling, came to him +again. Then he begged for a little peace in the house. + +"Let me be quiet, if only for a month," he said. "Here is some money. I +have got an idea; I must and will have quiet. In a month's time I shall +have got on so far that perhaps I shall be able to judge if it is worth +continuing. It may be that this one idea may entirely support us." + +This was something which she could understand, and now he was able to +be quiet. + +He had an office in the town, but sometimes took his papers home with +him in the evenings, for it often happened that something would occur +to him at one moment or another. She bestowed every care on him; she +even sat on the stairs while he was asleep at midday, to prevent him +from being disturbed. + +This went on for a fortnight. Then it so chanced that, when he had gone +out for a walk, she rummaged among his papers, and there, among +drawings, calculations, and letters, she actually, for once in a way, +found something. It was in his handwriting and as follows: + +"More of the mother than the lover in her; more of the solicitude of +love than of its enjoyment. Rich in her affection, she would not +squander it in one day with you, but, mother-like, would distribute it +throughout your life. Instead of the whirl of the rapids, a placid +stream. Her love was devotion, never absorption. YOU were one and SHE +was one. Together we should have been more powerful than two lovers are +wont to be." + +There was more of this, but Angelika could not read further, she became +so furious. Were these his own thoughts, or had he merely copied them? +There were no corrections, so most likely it was a copy. In any case it +showed where his thoughts were. + +Rafael came quietly home, went straight to his room and lighted a +candle, even before he took off his overcoat. As he stood he wrote down +a few formulae, then seized a book, sat down astride of a chair, and +made a rapid calculation. Just then Angelika came in, leaned forward +towards him, and said in a low voice: + +"You are a nice fellow! Now I know what you have in hand. Look there: +your secret thoughts are with that beast." + +"Beast!" he repeated. His anger at being disturbed, at her having found +this particular paper, and now the abuse from her coarse lips of the +most delicate creature he had ever known, and, above all, the absolute +unexpectedness of the attack, made him lose his head. + +"How dare you? What do you mean?" + +"Don't be a fool. Do you suppose that I don't guess that that is meant +for the girl who looked after your estate in order to catch you?" + +She saw that this hit the mark, so she went still further. + +"She, the model of virtue! why, when she was a mere girl, she disgraced +herself with an old man." + +As she spoke she was seized by the throat and flung backwards on to the +sofa, without the grasp being relaxed. She was breathless, she saw his +face over her; deadly rage was in it. A strength, a wildness of which +she had no conception, gazed upon her in sensual delight at being able +to strangle her. + +After a wild struggle her arms sank down powerless, her will with them; +only her eyes remained wide open, in terror and wonderment. + +Dare he? "Yes, he dare!" Her eyes grew dim, her limbs began to tremble. + +"You have taken MY apple, I tell you," was heard in a childish voice +from the next room, a soft lisping voice. + +It came from the most peaceful innocence in the world! It saved her! + +He rushed out again; but even when the rage had left him which had +seized upon him and dominated him as a rider does a horse, he was still +not horrified at himself. His satisfaction at having at length made his +power felt was too great for that. + +But by degrees there came a revulsion. Suppose he had killed her, and +had to go into penal servitude for the rest of his life for it! Had +such a possibility come into his life? Might it happen in the future? +No! no! no! How strange that Angelika should have wounded him! How +frightful her state of mind must be when she could think so odiously of +absolutely innocent people; and how angry she must have been to behave +in such a way towards him, whom she loved above all others, indeed, as +the only one for whom she had to live! + +A long, long sum followed: his faults, her faults, and the faults of +others. He cooled down and began to feel more like himself. + +In an hour or two he was fit to go home, to find her on her bed, +dissolved in tears, prepared at once to throw her arms round his neck. + +He asked pardon a hundred times, with words, kisses, and caresses. + +But with this scene his invention had fled. The spell was broken. It +never did more than flutter before him, tempting him to pursue it once +more; but he turned away from the whole subject and began to work for +money again. Something offered itself just at that moment which +Angelika had hunted up. + +Back to the unending toil again. Now at last it became an irritation to +him: he chafed as the war horse chafes at being made a beast of burden. + +This made the scenes at home still worse. Since that episode their +quarrels knew no bounds. Words were no longer necessary to bring them +about: a gesture, a look, a remark of his unanswered, was enough to +arouse the most violent scenes. Hitherto they had been restrained by +the presence of others, but now it was the same whether they were alone +or not. Very soon, as far as brutality of expression or the triviality +of the question was concerned, he was as bad or worse than she. + +His idle fancy and creative genius found no other vent, but overthrew +and trampled underfoot many of life's most beautiful gifts. Thus he +squandered much of the happiness which such talents can duly give. +Sometimes his daily regrets and sufferings, sometimes his passionate +nature, were in the ascendant, but the cause of his despair was always +the same--that this could have happened to him. Should he leave her? He +would not thus escape. The state of the case had touched his conscience +at first, later he had become fond of the children, and his mother's +example said to him, "Hold out, hold out!" + +The unanimous prediction that this marriage would be dissolved as +quickly as it had been made he would prove to be untrue. Besides, he +knew Angelika too well now not to know that he would never obtain a +separation from her until, with the law at her back, she had flayed him +alive. He could not get free. + +From the first it had been a question of honour and duty; honour and +duty on account of the child which was to come--and which did not come. +Here he had a serious grievance against her; but yet, in the midst of +the tragedy, he could not but be amused at the skill with which she +turned his own gallantries against him. At last he dared not mention +the subject, for he only heard in return about his gay bachelor life. + +The longer this state of things lasted and the more it became known, +the more incomprehensible it became to most people that they did not +separate--to himself, too, at times, during sleepless nights. But it is +sometimes the case that he, who makes a thousand small revolts, cannot +brace himself to one great one. The endless strife itself strengthens +the bonds, in that it saps the strength. + +He deteriorated. This married life, wearing in every way, together with +the hard work, resulted in his not being equal to more than just the +necessities of the day. His initiative and will became proportionately +deadened. + +A strange stagnation developed itself: he had hallucinations, visions; +he saw himself in them--his father! his mother! all the pictures were +of a menacing description. + +At night he dreamed the most frightful things: his unbridled fancy, his +unoccupied creative power, took revenge, and all this weakened him. He +looked with admiration at his wife's robust health: she had the +physique of a wild beast. But at times their quarrels, their +reconciliations, brought revelations with them: he could perceive her +sorrows as well. She did not complain, she did not say a word, she +could not do so; but at times she wept and gave way as only the most +despairing can. Her nature was powerful, and the struggle of her love +beyond belief. The beauty of the fulness of life was there, even when +she was most repulsive. The wild creature, wrestling with her destiny, +often gave forth tragic gleams of light. + +One day his relation, the Government Secretary, met him. They usually +avoided each other, but to-day he stopped. + +"Ah, Rafael," said the dapper little man nervously, "I was coming to +see you." + +"My dear fellow, what is it?" + +"Ah, I see that you guess; it is a letter from your mother." + +"From my mother?" + +During all the time since her telegram they had not exchanged a word. + +"A very long letter, but she makes a condition." + +"Hum, hum! a condition?" + +"Yes, but do not be angry; it is not a hard one: it is only that you +are to go away from the town, wherever you like, so long as you can be +quiet, and then you are to read it." + +"You know the contents?" + +"I know the contents, I will go bail for it." + +What he meant, or why he was so perturbed by it, Rafael did not +understand, but it infected him; if he had had the money, and if on +that day he had been disengaged, he would have gone at once. But he had +not the money, not more than he wanted for the fete that evening. He +had the tickets for it in his pocket at that moment. He had promised +Angelika that he would go there with her, and he would keep his +promise, for it had been given after a great reconciliation scene. A +white silk dress had been the olive branch of these last peaceful days. +She therefore looked very handsome that evening as she walked into the +great hall of the Lodge, with Rafael beside her tall and stately. She +was in excellent spirits. Her quiet eyes had a haughty expression as +she turned her steps with confident superiority towards those whom she +wished to please, or those whom she hoped to annoy. + +HE did not feel confident. He did not like showing himself in public +with her, and lately it had precisely been in public places that she +had chosen to make scenes; besides which, he felt nervous as to what +his mother could wish to say to him. + +A short time before he came to the fete, he had tried, in two quarters, +to borrow money, and each time had received only excuses. This had +greatly mortified him. His disturbed state of mind, as is so often the +case with nervous people, made him excited and boisterous, nay, even +made him more than usually jovial. And as though a little of the old +happiness were actually to come to him that evening, he met his friend +and relative Hans Ravn, him and his young Bavarian wife, who had just +come to the town. All three were delighted to meet. + +"Do you remember," said Hans Ravn, "how often you have lent me money, +Rafael?" and he drew him on one side. "Now I am at the top of the tree, +now I am married to an heiress, and the most charming girl too; ah, you +must know her better." + +"She is pretty as well," said Rafael. + +"And pretty as well--and good tempered; in fact, you see before you the +happiest man in Norway." + +Rafael's eyes filled. Ravn put his hands on to his friend's shoulders. + +"Are you not happy, Rafael?" + +"Not quite so happy as you, Hans--" + +He left him to speak to some one else, then returned again. + +"You say, Hans, that I have often lent you money." + +"Are you pressed? Do you want some, Rafael? My dear fellow, how much?" + +"Can you spare me two thousand kroner?" + +"Here they are." + +"No, no; not in here, come outside." + +"Yes, let us go and have some champagne to celebrate our meeting. No, +not our wives," he added, as Rafael looked towards where they stood +talking. + +"Not our wives," laughed Rafael. He understood the intention, and now +he wished to enjoy his freedom thoroughly. They came in again merrier +and more boisterous than before. + +Rafael asked Hans Ravn's young wife to dance. Her personal attractions, +natural gaiety, and especially her admiration of her husband's +relations, took him by storm. They danced twice, and laughed and talked +together afterwards. + +Later in the evening the two friends rejoined their wives, so that they +might all sit together at supper. Even from a distance Rafael could see +by Angelika's face that a storm was brewing. He grew angry at once. He +had never been blamed more groundlessly. He was never to have any +unalloyed pleasure, then! But he confined himself to whispering, "Try +to behave like other people." But that was exactly what she did not +mean to do. He had left her alone, every one had seen it. She would +have her revenge. She could not endure Hans Ravn's merriment, still +less that of his wife, so she contradicted rudely once, twice, three +times, while Hans Ravn's face grew more and more puzzled. The storm +might have blown over, for Rafael parried each thrust, even turning +them into jokes, so that the party grew merrier, and no feelings were +hurt; but on this she tried fresh tactics. As has been already said, +she could make a number of annoying gestures, signs and movements which +only he understood. In this way she showed him her contempt for +everything which every one, and especially he himself, said. He could +not help looking towards her, and saw this every time he did so, until +under the cover of the laughter of the others, with as much fervour and +affection as can be put into such a word, "You jade!" he said. + +"Jade; was ist das?" asked the bright-eyed foreigner. + +This made the whole affair supremely ridiculous. Angelika herself +laughed, and all hoped that the cloud had been finally dispersed. +No!--as though Satan himself had been at table with them, she would not +give in. + +The conversation again grew lively, and when it was at its height, she +pooh-poohed all their jokes so unmistakably that they were completely +puzzled. Rafael gave her a furious look, and then she jeered at him, +"You boy!" she said. After this Rafael answered her angrily, and let +nothing pass without retaliation, rough, savage retaliation; he was +worse than she was. + +"But God bless me!" said good-natured Hans Ravn at length, "how you are +altered, Rafael!" His genial kindly eyes gazed at him with a look which +Rafael never forget. + +"Ja, ich kan es nicht mehr aushalten" said the young Fru Ravn, with +tears in her eyes. She rose, her husband hurried to her, and they left +together. Rafael sat down again, with Angelika. Those near them looked +towards them and whispered together. Angry and ashamed, he looked +across at Angelika, who laughed. Everything seemed to turn red before +his eyes--he rose; he had a wild desire to kill her there, before every +one. Yes! the temptation overpowered him to such an extent that he +thought that people must notice it. + +"Are you not well, Kaas?" he heard some one beside him say. + +He could not remember afterwards what he answered, or how he got away; +but still, in the street, he dwelt with ecstasy on the thought of +killing her, of again seeing her face turn black, her arms fall +powerless, her eyes open wide with terror; for that was what would +happen some day. He should end his life in a felon's cell. That was as +certainly a part of his destiny as had been the possession of talents +which he had allowed to become useless. + +A quarter of an hour later he was at the observatory: he scanned the +heavens, but no stars were visible. He felt that he was perspiring, +that his clothes clung to him, yet he was ice-cold. That is the future +that awaits you, he thought; it runs ice-cold through your limbs. + +Then it was that a new and, until then, unused power, which underlay +all else, broke forth and took the command. + +"You shall never return home to her, that is all past now, boy; I will +not permit it any longer." + +What was it? What voice was that? It really sounded as though outside +himself. Was it his father's? It was a man's voice. It made him clear +and calm. He turned round, he went straight to the nearest hotel, +without further thought, without anxiety. Something new was about to +begin. + +He slept for three hours undisturbed by dreams; it was the first night +for a long time that he had done so. + +The following morning he sat in the little pavilion at the station at +Eidsvold with his mother's packet of letters laid open before him. It +consisted of a quantity of papers which he had read through. + +The expanse of Lake Mjosen lay cold and grey beneath the autumn mist, +which still shrouded the hillsides. The sound of hammers from the +workshops to the right mingled with the rumble of wheels on the bridge; +the whistle of an engine, the rattle of crockery from the restaurant; +sights and sounds seethed round him like water boiling round an egg. + +As soon as his mother had felt sure that Angelika was not really +enceinte she had busied herself in collecting all the information about +her which it was possible to obtain. + +By the untiring efforts of her ubiquitous relations she had succeeded +to such an extent and in such detail as no examining magistrate could +have accomplished. And there now lay before him letters, explanations, +evidence, which the deponent was ready to swear to, besides letters +from Angelika herself: imprudent letters which this impulsive creature +could perpetrate in the midst of her schemes; or deeply calculated +letters, which directly contradicted others which had been written at a +different period, based on different calculations. These documents were +only the accompaniment of a clear summing-up by his mother. It was +therefore she who had guided the investigations of the others and made +a digest of their discoveries. With mathematical precision was here +laid down both what was certain and what, though not certain, was +probable. No comment was added, not a word addressed to himself. + +That portion of the disclosures which related to Angelika's past does +not concern us. That which had reference to her relations with Rafael +began by proving that the anonymous letters, which had been the means +of preventing his engagement with Helene, had been written by Angelika. +This revelation and that which preceded it, give an idea of the +overwhelming humiliation under which Rafael now suffered. What was he +that he could be duped and mastered like a captured animal; that what +was best and what was worst in him could lead him so far astray? Like a +weak fool he was swept along; he had neither seen nor heard nor thought +before he was dragged away from everything that was his or that was +dear to him. + +As he sat there, the perspiration poured from him as it had done the +night before, and again he felt a deadly chill. He therefore went up to +his room with the papers, which he locked up in his trunk, and then set +off at a run along the road. The passers-by turned to stare after the +tall fellow. + +As he ran he repeated to himself, "Who are you, my lad? who are you?" +Then he asked the hills the same question, and then the trees as well. +He even asked the fog, which was now rolling off, "Who am I? can you +answer me that?" + +The close-cropped half-withered turf mocked him--the cleared potato +patches, the bare fields, the fallen leaves. + +"That which you are you will never be; that which you can you will +never do; that which you ought to become you will never attain to! As +you, so your mother before you. She turned aside--and your father +too--into absolute folly; perhaps their fathers before them! This is a +branch of a great family who never attained to what they were intended +for." + +"Something different has misled each one of us, but we have all been +misled. Why is that so? We have greater aims than many others, but the +others drove along the beaten highway right through the gates of +Fortune's house. We stray away from the highway and into the wood. See! +am I not there myself now? Away from the highway and into the wood, as +though I were led by an inward law. Into the wood." He looked round +among the mountain-ashes, the birches, and other leafy trees in autumn +tints. They stood all round, dripping, as though they wept for his +sorrow. "Yes, yes; they will see me hang here, like Absalom by his long +hair." He had not recalled this old picture a moment before he stopped, +as though seized by a strong hand. + +He must not fly from this, but try to fathom it. The more he thought of +it, the clearer it became: ABSALOM'S HISTORY WAS HIS OWN. He began with +rebellion. Naturally rebellion is the first step in a course which +leads one from the highway--leads to passion and its consequences. That +was clear enough. + +Thus passion overpowered strength of purpose; thus chance circumstances +sapped the foundations--But David rebelled as well. Why, then, was not +David hung up by his hair? It was quite as long as Absalom's. Yes, +David was within an ace of it, right up to his old age. But the innate +strength in David was too great, his energy was always too powerful: it +conquered the powers of rebellion. They could not drag him far away +into passionate wanderings; they remained only holiday flights in his +life and added poetry to it. They did not move his strength of purpose. +Ah, ha! It was so strong in David that he absorbed them and fed on +them; and yet he was within an ace--very often. See! That is what I, +miserable contemptible wretch, cannot do. So I must hang! Very soon the +man with the spear will be after me. + +Rafael now set off running; probably he wished to escape the man with +the spear. He now entered the thickest part of the wood, a narrow +valley between two high hills which overshadowed it. Oh, how thirsty he +was, so fearfully thirsty! He stood still and wondered whether he could +get anything to drink. Yes, he could hear the murmur of a brook. He ran +farther down towards it. Close by was an opening in the wood, and as he +went towards the stream he was arrested by something there: the sun had +burst forth and lighted up the tree-tops, throwing deep shadows below. +Did he see anything? Yes; it seemed to him that he saw himself, not +absolutely in the opening, but to one side, in the shadow, under a +tree; he hung there by his hair. He hung there and swung, a man, but in +the velvet jacket of his childhood and the tight-fitting trousers: he +swung suspended by his tangled red hair. And farther away he distinctly +saw another figure: it was his mother, stiff and stately, who was +turning round as if to the sound of music. And, God preserve him! still +farther away, broad and heavy, hung his father, by the few thin hairs +on his neck, with wretched distorted face as on his death-bed. In other +respects those two were not great sinners. They were old; but his sins +were great, for he was young, and therefore nothing had ever prospered +with him, not even in his childhood. There had always been something +which had caused him to be misunderstood or which had frightened him or +made him constantly constrained and uncertain of himself. Never had he +been able to keep to the main point, and thus to be in quiet natural +peace. With only one exception--his meeting with Helene. + +It seemed to him that he was sitting in the boat with her out in the +bay. The sky was bright, there was melody in the woods. Now he was up +on the hill with her, among the saplings, and she was explaining to him +that it depended on her care whether they throve or not. + +He went to the brook to drink; he lay down over the water. He was thus +able to see his own face. How could that happen? Why, there was +sunshine overhead. He was able to see his own face. Great heavens! how +like his father he had become. In the last year he had grown very like +his father--people had said so. He well remembered his mother's manner +when she noticed it. But, good God! were those grey hairs? Yes, in +quantities, so that his hair was no longer red but grey. No one had +told him of it. Had he advanced so far, been so little prepared for it, +that Hans Ravn's remark, "How you are altered, Rafael!" had frightened +him? + +He had certainly given up observing himself, in this coarse life of +quarrels. In it, certainly, neither words nor deeds were weighed, and +hence this hunted feeling. It was only natural that he had ceased to +observe. If the brook had been a little deeper, he would have let +himself be engulfed in it. He got up, and went on again, quicker and +quicker: sometimes he saw one person, sometimes another, hanging in the +woods. + +He dare not turn round. Was it so very wonderful that others besides +himself and his family had turned from the beaten track, and peopled +the byways and the boughs in the wood? He had been unjust towards +himself and his parents; they were not alone, they were in only too +large a company. What will unjust people say, but that the very thing +which requires strength does not receive it, but half of it comes to +nothing, more than half of the powers are wasted. Here, in these strips +of woodland which run up the hills side by side, like organ-pipes, +Henrik Vergeland had also roamed: within an ace, with him too, within +an ace! Wonderful how the ravens gather together here, where so many +people are hanging. Ha! ha! He must write this to his mother! It was +something to write about to her, who had left him, who deserted him +when he was the most unhappy, because all that she cared for was to +keep her sacred person inviolate, to maintain her obstinate opinion, to +gratify her pique--Oh! what long hair!--How fast his mother was held! +She had not cut her hair enough then. But now she should have her +deserts. Everything from as far back as he could remember should be +recalled, for once in a way he would show her herself; now he had both +the power and the right. His powers of discovery had been long hidden +under the suffocating sawdust of the daily and nightly sawing; but now +it was awake, and his mother should feel it. + +People noticed the tall man break out of the wood, jump over hedges and +ditches, and make his way straight up the hill. At the very top he +would write to his mother!-- + +He did not return to the hotel till dark. He was wet, dirty, and +frightfully exhausted. He was as hungry as a wolf, he said, but he +hardly ate anything; on the other hand, he was consumed with thirst. On +leaving the table he said that he wished to stay there a few days to +sleep. They thought that he was joking, but he slept uninterruptedly +until the afternoon of the next day. He was then awakened, ate a little +and drank a great deal, for he had perspired profusely; after which he +fell asleep again. He passed the next twenty-four hours in much the +same way. + +When he awoke the following morning he found himself alone. + +Had not a doctor been there, and had he not said that it was a good +thing for him to sleep? It seemed to him that he had heard a buzz of +voices; but he was sure that he was well now, only furiously hungry and +thirsty, and when he raised himself he felt giddy. But that passed off +by degrees, when he had eaten some of the food which had been left +there. He drank out of the water-jug--the carafe was empty--and walked +once or twice up and down before the open window. It was decidedly +cold, so he shut it. Just then he remembered that he had written a +frightful letter to his mother! + +How long ago was it? Had he not slept a long time? Had he not turned +grey? He went to the looking-glass, but forgot the grey hair at the +sight of himself. He was thin, lank, and dirty.--The letter! the +letter! It will kill my mother! There had already been misfortunes +enough, more must not follow. + +He dressed himself quickly, as if by hurrying he could overtake the +letter. He looked at the clock--it had stopped. Suppose the train were +in! He must go by it, and from the train straight to the steamer, and +home, home to Hellebergene! But he must send a telegram to his mother +at once. He wrote it--"Never mind the letter, mother. I am coming this +evening and will never leave you again." + +So now he had only to put on a clean collar, now his watch--it +certainly was morning--now to pack, go down and pay the bill, have +something to eat, take his ticket, send the telegram; but first--no, it +must all be done together, for the train WAS there; it had only a few +minutes more to wait; he could only just catch it. The telegram was +given to some one else to send off. + +But he had hardly got into the carriage, where he was alone, than the +thought of the letter tortured him, till he could not sit still. This +dreadful analysis of his mother, strophe after strophe, it rose before +him, it again drove him into the state of mind in which he had been +among the hills and woods of Eidsvold. Beyond the tunnel the character +of the scenery was the same.--Good God! that dreadful letter was never +absent from his thoughts, otherwise he would not suffer so terribly. +What right had he to reproach his mother, or any one, because a mere +chance should have become of importance in their lives? + +Would the telegram arrive in time to save her from despair, and yet not +frighten her from home because he was coming? To think that he could +write in such a way to her, who had but lived to collect the +information which would free him! His ingratitude must appear too +monstrous to her. The extreme reserve which she was unable to break +through might well lead to catastrophes. What might not she have +determined on when she received this violent attack by way of thanks? +Perhaps she would think that life was no longer worth living, she who +thought it so easy to die. He shuddered. + +But she will do nothing hastily, she will weigh everything first. Her +roots go deep. When she appears to have acted on impulse, it is because +she has had previous knowledge. But she has no previous knowledge here; +surely here she will deliberate. + +He pictured her as, wrapped in her shawl, she wandered about in dire +distress--or with intent gaze reviewing her life and his own, until +both appeared to her to have been hopelessly wasted--or pondering where +she could best hide herself so that she should suffer no more. + +How he loved her! All that had happened had drawn a veil over his eyes, +which was now removed. + + Now he was on board the steamer which was bearing him home. The +weather had become mild and summerlike; it had been raining, but +towards evening it began to clear. He would get to Hellebergene in fine +weather, and by moonlight. It grew colder; he spoke to no one, nor had +he eyes for anything about him. + +The image of his mother, wrapped in her long shawl--that was all the +company he had. Only his mother! No one but his mother! Suppose the +telegram had but frightened her the more--that to see HIM now appeared +the worst that could happen. To read such a crushing doom for her whole +life, and that from him! She was not so constituted that it could be +cancelled by his asking forgiveness and returning to her. On the +contrary, it would precipitate the worst, it must do so. + +The violent perspiration began again; he had to put on more wraps. His +terror took possession of him: he was forced to contemplate the most +awful possibilities--to picture to himself what death his mother would +choose! + +He sprang to his feet and paced up and down. He longed to throw himself +into somebody's arms, to cry aloud. But he knew well that he must not +let such words escape him.--He HAD to picture her as she handled the +guns, until she relinquished the idea of using any of them. Then he +imagined her recalling the deepest hiding-places in the woods--where +were they all? + +HE recalled them, one after another. No, not in any of THOSE, for she +wished to hide herself where she would never be found! There was the +cement-bed; it went sheer down there, and the water was deep!--He clung +to the rigging to prevent himself from falling. He prayed to be +released from these terrors. But he saw her floating there, rocked by +the rippling water. Was it the face which was uppermost, or was it the +body, which for a while floated higher than the face? + +His thoughts were partially diverted from this by people coming up to +ask him if he were ill. He got something warm and strong to drink, and +now the steamer approached the part of the coast with which he was +familiar. They passed the opening into Hellebergene, for one has to go +first to the town, and thence in a boat. It now became the question, +whether a boat had been sent for him. In that case his mother was +alive, and would welcome him. But if there was no boat, then a message +from the gulf had been sent instead! + +And there was no boat!-- + +For a moment his senses failed him; only confused sounds fell on his +ear. But then he seemed to emerge from a dark passage. He must get to +Hellebergene! He must see what had happened; he would go and search! + +By this time it was growing dark. He went on shore and looked round for +a boat as though half asleep. He could hardly speak, but he did not +give in till he got the men together and hired the boat. He took the +helm himself, and bade them row with all their might. He knew every +peak in the grey twilight. They might depend on him, and row on without +looking round. Soon they had passed the high land and were in among the +islands. This time they did not come out to meet him; they all seemed +gathered there to repel him. No boat had been sent; there was, +therefore, nothing more for him to do here. No boat had been sent, +because he had forfeited his place here. Like savage beasts, with +bristles erect, the peaks and islands arrayed themselves against him. +"Row on, my lads," he cried, for now arose again in him that dormant +power which only manifested itself in his utmost need. + +"How is it with you, my boy? I am growing weary. Courage, now, and +forward!" + +Again that voice outside himself--a man's voice. Was it his father's? + +Whether or not it were his father's voice, here before his father's +home he would struggle against Fate. + +In man's direst necessity, what he has failed in and what he can do +seem to encounter each other. And thus, just as the boat had cleared +the point and the islands and was turning into the bay, he raised +himself to his full height, and the boatmen looked at him in +astonishment. He still grasped the rudder-lines, and looked as though +he were about to meet an enemy. Or did he hear anything? was it the +sound of oars? + +Yes, they heard them now as well. From the strait near the inlet a boat +was approaching them. She loomed large on the smooth surface of the +water and shot swiftly along. + +"Is that a boat from Hellebergene?" shouted Rafael. His voice shook. + +"Yes," came a voice out of the darkness, and he recognised the +bailiff's voice. "Is it Rafael?" + +"Yes. Why did you not come before?" + +"The telegram has only just arrived." + +He sat down. He did not speak. He became suddenly incapable of uttering +a word. + +The other boat turned and followed them. Rafael nearly ran his boat on +shore; he forgot that he was steering. Very soon they cleared the +narrow passage which led into the inner bay, and rounded the last +headland, and there!--there lay Hellebergene before them in a blaze of +light! From cellar to attic, in every single window, it glowed, it +streamed with light, and at that moment another light blazed out from +the cairn on the hill-top. + +It was thus that his mother greeted him. He sobbed; and the boatmen +heard him, and at the same time noticed that it had grown suddenly +light. They turned round, and were so engrossed in the spectacle that +they forgot to row. + +"Come! you must let me get on," was all that he could manage to say. + +His sufferings were forgotten as he leapt from the boat. Nor did it +disturb him that he did not meet his mother at the landing-place, or +near the house, nor see her on the terrace. He simply rushed up the +stairs and opened the door. + +The candles in the windows gave but little light within. Indeed, +something had been put in the windows for them to stand on, so that the +interior was half in shadow. But he had come in from the semi-darkness. +He looked round for her, but he heard some one crying at the other end +of the room. There she sat, crouched in the farthest corner of the +sofa, with her feet drawn up under her, as in old days when she was +frightened. She did not stretch out her arms; she remained huddled +together. But he bent over her, knelt down, laid his face on hers, wept +with her. She had grown fragile, thin, haggard, ah! as though she could +be blown away. She let him take her in his arms like a child and clasp +her to his breast; let him caress and kiss her. Ah, how ethereal she +had become! And those eyes, which at last he saw, now looked tearfully +out from their large orbits, but more innocently than a bird from its +nest. Over her broad forehead she had wound a large silk handkerchief +in turban fashion. It hung down behind. She wished to conceal the +thinness of her hair. He smiled to recognise her again in this. More +spiritualised, more ethereal in her beauty, her innermost aspirations +shone forth without effort. Her thin hands caressed his hair, and now +she gazed into his eyes. + +"Rafael, my Rafael!" She twined her arms round him and murmured +welcome. But soon she raised her head and resumed a sitting posture. +She wished to speak. He was beforehand with her. + +"Forgive the letter," he whispered with beseeching eyes and voice, and +hands upraised. + +"I saw the distress of your soul," was the whispered answer, for it +could not be spoken aloud. "And there was nothing to forgive," she +added. She had laid her face against his again. "And it was quite true, +Rafael," she murmured. + +She must have passed through terrible days and nights here, he thought, +before she could say that. + +"Mother, mother! what a fearful time!" + +Her little hand sought his: it was cold; it lay in his like an egg in a +deserted nest. He warmed it and took the other as well. + +"Was not the illumination splendid?" she said. And now her voice was +like a child's. + +He moved the screen which obstructed the light: he must see her better. +He thought, when he saw the look of happiness in her face, if life +looks so beautiful to her still, we shall have a long time together. + +"If you had told me all that about Absalom, the picture which you made +when you were told the story of David, Rafael; if you had only told me +that before!" She paused, and her lips quivered. + +"How could I tell it to you, mother, when I did not understand it +myself?" + +"The illumination--that must signify that I, too, understand. It ought +to light you forward; do you not think so?" + + + + +A PAINFUL MEMORY FROM CHILDHOOD + +I must have been somewhere about seven years old, when one Sunday +afternoon a rumour reached the parsonage that, on that same day, two +men, rowing past the Buggestrand in Eidsfjord, had discovered a woman +who had fallen over a cliff, and had remained half lying, half hanging, +close to the water's edge. + +Before moving her, they tried to find out from her who had thrown her +over. + +It was thirty-five miles by water to the doctor's, and then an order +for admission to the hospital had also to be procured. She had lain +twenty-four hours before help reached her, and shortly afterwards she +died. Before she breathed her last, she said it was Peer Hagbo who had +done it. "But," she added, "they mustn't do him any harm." + +Everybody knew that there had been an attachment between the girl, who +was in service at Hagbo's, and the son of the house, and the shrewd +ones instantly guessed why he wanted to get her out of the way. + +I remember clearly the arrival of the news. It was, as I have said, on +a Sunday afternoon, her death having occurred on the morning of the +same day. + +It was in the very middle of summer, when the whole place was flooded +with sunshine and gladness. I remember how the light faded, faces +turned to stone, the fjord grew dim, and village and forest shrank away +into shadow. I remember that even the next day I felt as though a blow +had been dealt to ordinary existence. I knew that I need not go to +school. Men knocked off work, leaving everything just as it was, and +sat down with idle hands. The women especially were paralysed: it was +evident they felt themselves threatened, they even said as much. When +strangers came to the parsonage their bearing and expression showed +that the murder lay heavy on their minds, and they read the same story +in us. We took each other's hands with a sense of remoteness. The +murder was the only thing that was present with us. Whatever we talked +of we seemed to hear of the murder in voice and word. The last +consciousness at night and the first in the morning was that everything +was unsettled, and that the joy of life was suddenly arrested, like the +hands on a dial at a certain hour. + +But by degrees the murder fell into its proper place among other +interests; curiosity and gossip had made it commonplace. It was taken +up, turned over, considered, picked at and pulled about, till it became +simply "the last new thing." Soon we knew every detail of the relation +between the murdered and the murderer. We knew who it was that Peer's +mother had wanted him to marry; we knew the Hagbo family in and out, +and their history for generations past. + +When the magistrate came to the parsonage to institute the preliminary +inquiry, the murder was merely an inexhaustible theme of conversation. +But the next day when the bailiff and some other men appeared with the +murderer, a new feeling took possession of me, a feeling of which I +could not have imagined myself capable--an overpowering compassion. A +young good-looking lad, well grown, slightly built, rather small than +otherwise, with dark not very thick hair, with appealing eyes which +were now downcast, with a clear voice, and about his whole personality +a certain charm, almost refinement; a creature to associate with life, +not death, with gladness, with gaiety. I was more sorry for him than I +can say. The bailiff and the other people spoke kindly to him too, so +they must have felt the same. Only the peppery little clerk came out +with some hard words, but the accused stood cap in hand and made no +answer. + +He paced up and down the yard in his shirt sleeves--the day was very +warm--with a flat cloth cap over his close-cut hair, and his hands in +his trousers pockets, or toying restlessly with a piece of straw. The +parsonage dog had found companions, and the youth followed the dog's +frolic with his eyes, and gazed at the chickens and at us children as +though he longed to be one of us. The girl's words, "But don't do him +any harm," rang in my ears unceasingly--whether he walked about or +stood still or sat down. I knew that he would certainly be beheaded, +and, believing that it must be soon, I was filled with horror at the +thought of his saying to himself, In a month I shall die--and then in a +week--in a day--an hour... it must be utterly unendurable. I slipped +behind him to see his neck, and just at that moment he lifted his hand +up to it, a little brown hand; and I could not get rid of the thought +that perhaps his fingers would come in the way when the axe was falling. + +He and the warders were asked to come in and dine. I felt I must see if +it were really possible for him to eat. Yes, he ate and chatted just +like the rest, and for a time I forgot my terror. But no sooner was I +outside again and alone than I fell to thinking of it with might and +main, and it seemed to me very hard that her words, "But you mustn't do +him any harm," should be so utterly disregarded. I felt I must go in +and say as much to father. But he, slow and serious, and the clerk, +little and dapper, were walking up and down the room deep in +conversation, far, far above all my misery. I slipped out again, and +stroked the coat which Peer had taken off. + +The inquiry was held in my schoolroom. My master acted as secretary to +the court, and I got leave to sit there and listen. For the matter of +that, the clerk spoke in so loud a voice that it could be heard through +the open window by every one in the place. The unfortunate youth was +called upon to account for the entire day on which the murder had been +committed--for every hour of that Sunday. He denied that he had killed +her--denied it with the utmost emphasis: "It was not he who had done +it." The magistrate's examination was both acutely and kindly +conducted; Peer was moved to tears, but no confession could be drawn +from him. + +"This will be a long business, madam," said the magistrate to my mother +when the first day's inquiry was over. But later in the evening Peer's +sister came to the parsonage and remained with him all through the +night. They were heard whispering and crying unceasingly. In the +morning Peer was pale and silent; before the court he took all the +blame upon himself. + +The way it had happened, he explained, was that he had been her lover, +and that his mother had strongly disapproved of the connection. So one +Sunday as the girl, prayer-book in hand, was going to church, he met +her in the wood. They sat down, and he asked if she intended to declare +him the father of the child she was about to bear; for it was in this +time of sore necessity that she was going to seek consolation in the +church. She replied that she could accuse no one else. He spoke of the +shame it would bring on him, and how annoyed his mother already was. +Yes, yes, she knew that too well. His mother was very angry with her; +and she thought it strange of Peer that he didn't stand up for her; he +knew best whose fault it was that all this had happened. But Peer +hinted that she had been compliant to others as well as to himself, and +therefore he would not submit to being given out as the child's father. +He tried to make her angry, but did not succeed, she was so gentle. He +had an axe lying concealed in the heather near where he sat. He took it +and struck her on the head from behind. She did not lose consciousness +at once, but tried to defend herself while she begged for her life. He +could give no clear account of what happened afterwards. It seemed +almost as though he himself had lost consciousness. As to the other +events, he accepted the account of them which had been given in the +evidence against him. + +His sister waited at the parsonage until he came from the examination, +worn out and with eyes red with weeping. Once more they went aside and +whispered. I remember nothing more of her than that she held her head +down and wept a great deal. + + It was in the winter that he was to be executed. The announcement +was made at such short notice that every one in the house had to bestir +himself--father was to deliver an exhortation at the place of +execution, and the Dean, whose parishioner the condemned man was, +together with the bailiff, had arranged to come to us the day before. + +Peer and his warders and a friend, his instructor during the time of +his imprisonment, schoolmaster Jakobsen, were to sleep down in the +schoolhouse, which was part of the farm property belonging to the old +parsonage. Meals were to be carried from our house to the prisoner and +Jakobsen. + +I remember that they came in the morning in two boat-loads from Molde: +the Dean, the bailiff, the military escort, and the condemned man. But +I had to sit in the old schoolhouse, and not even later in the day was +I allowed to go down to where they were. + +This prohibition made the whole proceeding the more mysterious. It grew +dark early. The sea ran black against a whitish and in some places +bare-swept beach. The ragged clouds chased each other across the sky. +We were afraid a storm was coming on. Then one of the parsonage +chimneys caught on fire, and most of the soldiers came rushing up to +offer help. The great fire-ladder was brought from under the +storehouse. It was unusually heavy and clumsy, so it was difficult to +get it raised, till father broke into the midst of the crowd, ordered +them all to stand back, and set it up by himself. This is still +remembered in the parish; and also that the bailiff, an active little +fellow, took a bucket in each hand and went up the ladder till he +reached the turf roof. The black fjord, the hurrying clouds, the menace +of the coming day, the blaze of the fire, the bustle and din...and then +the silence afterwards! People whispered as they moved about the rooms +and out in the yard, whence they looked down upon the +schoolhouse-prison where the steady light burned. + +Schoolmaster Jacobsen was sitting there now with his friend. They were +singing and praying together, I heard from those who had been down in +that direction. Peer's family came in the evening in a boat, went up to +see him, and took leave of him. I heard how dauntless he was in his +confidence that the next day he would be with God, and how beautifully +he talked to his people, and especially how he begged them to take an +affectionate greeting to his mother, and be good to her as long as she +lived. Some said she had come in the boat with the rest, but would not +go up to see him. That was not true, any more than that some of them +were at the execution the next day, which was also reported. + +I wakened the next morning under a weight of apprehension. The weather +had changed and was fair now, but it felt oppressive nevertheless. No +one spoke loud, and people said as little as possible. I was to be +allowed to go with the rest and look on; so I made haste to find my +tutor, whom I had been told not to leave. The two clergymen came out in +their cassocks. We went down to the landing-place and rowed the first +part of the way. The condemned man and his escort had gone on before, +and waited at the place where we disembarked, in order to walk the +latter part of the way to the place of execution, a kilometer or so +distant. The execution had to take place at a cross-roads, and there +was only one in the neighbourhood--namely, at Ejdsvaag, nearly seven +miles away from where the murder was committed. The bailiff headed the +procession, then came the soldiers, then the condemned man, with the +Dean on one side and my father on the other, then Jacobsen and my +tutor, with me between them, then some more people, followed by more +soldiers. We walked cautiously along the slippery road. The clergyman +talked constantly to the condemned man, who was now very pale. His eyes +had grown gentle and weary and he said very little. My mother, who had +been very kind to him, and whom he had thanked for all she had done, +had sent him a bottle of wine to keep up his strength. The first time +that my tutor offered him some, he looked at the clergyman as though +asking if there were anything sinful in accepting it. My father quoted +St. Paul's advice to Timothy, and instantly he drank off a long draught. + +By the wayside stood people curious to see him, and they joined the +procession as it passed along. Among them were some of his comrades, to +whom he sorrowfully nodded. Once or twice he lifted his cap, the same +flat one I had seen him in the first time. It was evident that his +comrades had a regard for him; and I saw, too, some young women who +were crying, and made no attempt to conceal it. He walked along with +his hands clasped at his breast, probably praying. + +We were all startled by the captain's loud and commonplace word of +command, "Attention!" as we reached the appointed place. A body of +soldiers stood drawn up in a hollow square, which closed in after +admitting the bailiff, the clergyman, the condemned man, and a few +besides, among whom was myself. A great silent crowd stood round, and +over their heads one saw the mounted figure of the sheriff in his +cocked hat. When the soldiers who came with us, having carried out +various sharp words of command, had taken their places in the square, +the further proceedings began by the sheriff's reading aloud the death +sentence and the royal order for the execution. + +The sheriff stationed himself directly in front of the place where some +planed boards were laid over the grave. At one end of it stood the +block. On the other side of the grave a platform had been erected, from +which the Dean was to speak. Peer Hagbo knelt below on the step, with +his face buried in his hands, close to the feet of his spiritual +adviser. The Dean was of Danish birth, one of the many who, at the time +of the separation, had chosen to make their home in Norway. His +addresses were beautiful to read, but one couldn't always hear him, and +least of all when he was moved, as was frequently the case. He shouted +the first words very loud; then his head sank down between his +shoulders, and he shook it without a pause while he closed his eyes and +uttered some smothered sounds, catching his breath between them. The +points of his tall shirt-collar, which reached to the middle of his +ears (I have never since seen the like), stuck up on each side of the +bare cropped head with the two double chins underneath, and the whole +was framed between his shoulders, which, by long practice, he could +raise much higher than other men. Those who did not know him--for to +know him was to love him--could hardly keep from laughing. His speech +was neither heard nor understood, but it was short. His emotion forced +him to break it off suddenly. One thing alone we all understood: that +he loved the pale young man whom he had prepared for death, and that he +wished that all of us might go to our God as happy and confident as he +who was to die to-day. When he stepped down they embraced each other +for the last time. Peer gave his hand to my father and to a number +besides, and then placed himself by his friend Jakobsen. The latter +knew what this meant. He took off a kerchief and bound Peer's eyes, +while we saw him whisper something to him and receive a whispered +answer. Then a man came forward to bind Peer's hands behind his back, +but he begged to be left free, and his prayer was granted. Then +Jakobsen took him by the hand and led him forward. At the place where +Peer was to kneel Jakobsen stopped short, and Peer slowly bent his +knees. Jakobsen bent Peer's head down until it rested on the block; +then he drew back and folded his hands. All this I saw, and also that a +tall man came and took hold of Peer's neck, while a smaller man drew +forth from a couple of folded towels a shining axe with a remarkably +broad thin blade. It was then I turned away. I heard the captain's +horrible "Present arms"; I heard some one praying "Our Father"--perhaps +it was Peer himself--then a blow that sounded exactly as if it went +into a great cabbage. At once I looked round again, and saw one leg +kicking out, and a yard or two beyond the body lay the head, the mouth +gasping and gasping as if for air. + +The executioner's assistant sprang forward and took hold of it by the +ends of the handkerchief that had bandaged the eyes, and threw it into +the coffin beside the body, where it fell with a dull sound. The boards +were laid over the coffined remains, and the whole hastily lifted up +and lowered into the grave. + +Then my father got up on the platform. Every one could understand what +HE said, and his powerful voice was heard to such a distance that even +now it is remembered in the district. Following up the thunderous +admonition of the execution itself, he warned the young against the +vices which prevailed in the parish--against drunkenness, fighting, +unchastity, and other misconduct. They must have liked the discourse +very much, for it was stolen out of the pocket of his gown on the way +home. + +As for me, I left the place as sick at heart, as overwhelmed with +horror, as if it were my turn to be executed next. Afterwards I +compared notes with many others, who owned to exactly the same feeling. +Father and the Dean dined at the captain's with the other officials; +but they separated and went home directly after dinner. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Absalom's Hair, by Bjornstjerne Bjornson + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ABSALOM'S HAIR *** + +***** This file should be named 5052.txt or 5052.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/5/5052/ + +Produced by Nicole Apostola, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Absalom's Hair + +Author: Bjornstjerne Bjornson + +Release Date: February, 2004 [EBook #5052] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on April 11, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ABSALOM'S HAIR *** + + + + +Nicole Apostola, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + +ABSALOM'S HAIR + +BJORNSTJERNE BJORNSON + + + + +CHAPTER 1 + + +Harald Kaas was sixty. + +He had given up his free, uncriticised bachelor life; his yacht +was no longer seen off the coast in summer; his tours to England +and the south had ceased; nay, he was rarely to be found even at +his club in Christiania. His gigantic figure was never seen in the +doorways; he was failing. + +Bandy-legged he had always been, but this defect had increased; +his herculean back was rounded, and he stooped a little. His +forehead, always of the broadest--no one else's hat would fit him- +-was now one of the highest, that is to say, he had lost all his +hair, except a ragged lock over each ear and a thin fringe behind. +He was beginning also to lose his teeth, which were strong though +small, and blackened by tobacco; and now, instead of "deuce take +it" he said "deush take it." + +He had always held his hands half closed as though grasping +something; now they had stiffened so that he could never open them +fully. The little finger of his left hand had been bitten off "in +gratitude" by an adversary whom he had knocked down: according to +Harald's version of the story, he had compelled the fellow to +swallow the piece on the spot. + +He was fond of caressing the stump, and it often served as an +introduction to the history of his exploits, which became greater +and greater as he grew older and quieter. + +His small sharp eyes were deep set and looked at one with great +intensity. There was power in his individuality, and, besides +shrewd sense, he possessed a considerable gift for mechanics. His +boundless self-esteem was not devoid of greatness, and the +emphasis with which both body and soul proclaimed themselves made +him one of the originals of the country. + +Why was he nothing more? + +He lived on his estate, Hellebergene, whose large woods skirted +the coast, while numerous leasehold farms lay along the course of +the river. At one time this estate had belonged to the Kurt +family, and had now come back to them, in so far as that Harald's +father, as every one knew, was not a Kaas at all, but a Kurt; it +was he who had got the estate together again; a book might be +written about the ways and means that he had employed. + +The house looked out over a bay studded with islands; farther out +were more islands and the open sea. An immensely long building, +raised on an old and massive foundation, its eastern wing barely +half furnished, the western inhabited by Harald Kaas, who lived +his curious life here. + +These wings were connected by two covered galleries, one above the +other, with stairs at each end. + +Curiously enough, these galleries did not face the sea, that is, +the south, but the fields and woods to the north. The portion of +the house between the two wings was a neutral territory--namely, a +large dining-room with a ballroom above it, neither of which was +used in later years. + +Harald Kaas's suite of rooms was distinguished from without by a +mighty elk's head with its enormous antlers, which was set up over +the gallery. + +In the gallery itself were heads of bear, wolf, fox and lynx, with +stuffed birds from land and sea. Skins and guns hung on the walls +of the anteroom, the inner rooms were also full of skins and +impregnated with the smell of wild animals and tobacco-smoke. +Harald himself called it "Man-smell;" no one who had once put his +nose inside could ever forget it. + +Valuable and beautiful skins hung on the walls and covered the +floors; his very bed was nothing else; Harald Kaas lay, and sat, +and walked on skins, and each one of them was a welcome subject of +conversation, for he had shot and flayed every single animal +himself. To be sure, there were those who hinted that most of the +skins had been bought from Brand and Company, of Bergen, and that +only the stories were shot and flayed at home. + +I for my part think that this was an exaggeration; but be that as +it may, the effect was equally thrilling when Harald Kaas, seated +in his log chair by the fireside, his feet on the bearskin, opened +his shirt to show us the scars on his hairy chest (and what scars +they were!) which had been made by the bear's teeth, when he had +driven his knife, right up to the haft, into the monster's heart. +All the queer tankards, and cupboards, and carved chairs listened +with their wonted impassiveness. + +Harald Kaas was sixty, when, in the month of July, he sailed into +the bay accompanied by four ladies whom he had brought from the +steamer--an elderly lady and three young ones, all related to him. +They were to stay with him until August. + +They occupied the upper storey. From it they could hear him +walking about and grunting below them. They began to feel a little +nervous. Indeed, three of them had had serious misgivings about +accepting the invitation; and these misgivings were not diminished +when, next morning, they saw Kaas composedly strolling up from the +sea stark naked! + +They screamed, and, gathering together, still in their nightgowns, +held a council of war as to the advisability of leaving at once; +but when one of them cried "You should not have called us, Aunt, +and then we should not have seen him," they could not help +laughing, and therewith the whole affair ended. Certainly they +were a little stiff at breakfast; but when Harold Kaas began a +story about an old black mare of his which was in love with a +young brown horse over at the Dean's, and which plunged madly if +any other horse came near her, but, on the other hand, put her +head coaxingly on one side and whinnied "like a dainty girl" +whenever the parson's horse came that way--well, at that they had +to give in, as well first as last. + +If they had strayed here out of curiosity they must just put up +with the "NIGHT side of nature," as Harald Kaas expressed it, with +the stress on the first word. + +For all that they were nearly frightened out of their wits the +very next night, when he discharged his gun right under their +windows. The aunt even asserted that he had shot through her open +casement. She screamed loudly, and the others, starting from their +sleep, were out on the floor before they knew where they were. +Then they crouched in the windows and peeped out, although their +aunt declared that they would certainly be shot--they really must +see what it was. + +Yes! there they saw him among the cherry and apple trees, gun in +hand, and they could hear him swearing. In the greatest +trepidation they crept back into bed again. Next morning they +learned that he had shot at some night prowlers, one of whom had +got "half the charge in his leg, that he had, Deush take him! It +ain't the prowling I mind, but that he should prowl here. We +bachelors will have no one poaching on our preserves." + +The four ladies sat as stiff as four church candles, till at +length one of them sprang up with a scream, the others joining in +chorus. + +The visitors were not bored; Harald Kaas dealt too much in the +unexpected for that. There was a charm, too, in the great woods, +where there had been no felling since he had come into the +property, and there were merry walks by the riverside and plenty +of fish in the river. + +They bathed, they took delightful sails in the cutter and drives +about the neighbourhood, though certainly the turn-out was none of +the smartest. + +The youngest of the girls, Kristen Ravn, presently became less +eager to join in these expeditions. She had fallen in love with +the disused east wing of the house, and there she spent many a +long hour, alone by the open window, gazing out at the great lime- +trees which stood straggling, gaunt, and mysterious. + +"You ought to build a balcony here, out towards the sea," she +said. "Look how the water glitters between the limes." + +When once she had hit upon a plan, Kristen Ravn never relinquished +it, and when she bad suggested it some four or five times, he +promised that it should be done. But on the heels of this scheme +came another. + +"Below the first balcony there must be another wider one," said +she in her soft voice, "and it must have steps at each end down to +the lawn--the lawn is so lovely just here." + +The unheard-of presumption of her demand inoculated him with the +idea, and at length he consented to this as well. + +"The rooms must be refurnished," she gravely commanded. "The one +next to the balcony which is to be built under here shall be in +yellow pine, and the floor must be polished." She pointed with her +long delicate hand. "ALL the floors must be polished. I will give +you the design for the room above, I have thought it carefully +out." And in imagination she papered the walls, arranged the +furniture, and hung up curtains of wondrous patterns. + +"I know, too, how the other rooms are to be done," she added. And +she went from one to the other, remaining a little while in each. +He followed, like an old horse led by the bridle. + +Before their visit was half over he most coolly neglected three +out of his four guests. + +His deep-set eyes twinkled with the liveliest admiration whenever +she approached. He sought in the faces of the others the +admiration which he himself felt: he would amble round her like an +old photographic camera which had the power of setting itself up. + +But from the day when she took down from his bookshelf a French +work on mechanics, a subject with which she was evidently +acquainted and for which she declared that she had a natural +aptitude, it was all over with him. From that day forward, if she +were present, he effaced himself both in word and action. + +In the mornings when he met her in one of her characteristic +costumes he laughed softly, or gazed and gazed at her, and then +glanced towards the others. She did not talk much, but every word +that she uttered aroused his admiration. But he was most of all +captivated when she sat quietly apart, heedless of every one: at +such times he resembled an old parrot expectant of sugar. + +His linen had always been snowy white, but beyond this he had +taken no special pains with his toilet; but now he strutted about +in a Tussore silk coat, which he had bought in Algiers, but had at +once put aside because it was too tight--he looked like a clipt +box hedge in it. + +Now, who was this lion-tamer of twenty-one, who, without in the +least wishing to do so, unconsciously even (she was the quietest +of the party), had made the monarch of the forest crouch at her +feet and gaze at her in abject humility? + +Look at her, as she sits there, with her loose shining hair of the +prettiest shade of dark red; look at her broad forehead and +prominent nose, but more than all at those large wondering eyes; +look at her throat and neck, her tall slight figure; notice +especially the Renaissance dress which she wears, its style and +colour, and your curiosity will still remain unsatisfied, for she +has an individuality all her own. + +Kristen Ravn had lost her mother at her birth and her father when +she was five years old. The latter left her a handsome fortune, +with the express condition that the investments should not be +changed, and that the income should be for her own use whether she +married or not. He hoped by this means to form her character. She +was brought up by three different members of her wide-branching +family, a family which might more properly be termed a clan, +although they had no common characteristics beyond a desire to go +their own way. + +When two Ravns meet they, as a rule, differ on every subject; but +as a race they hold religiously together--indeed, in their eyes +there is no other family which is "amusing," the favourite +adjective of the Ravns. + +Kristen had a receptive nature; she read everything, and +remembered what she read; that is say, she had a logical mind, for +a retentive memory implies an orderly brain. She was consequently +NUMBER ONE in everything which she took up. This, coupled with the +fact that she lived among those who regarded her somewhat as a +speculation, and consequently flattered her, had early made an +impression on her nature, quite as great, indeed, as the +possession of money. + +She was by no means proud, it was not in the Ravn nature to be so; +but at ten years old she had left off playing; she preferred to +wander in the woods and compose ballads. At twelve she insisted on +wearing silk dresses, and, in the teeth of an aunt all curls and +lace and with a terrible flow of words, she carried her point. She +held herself erect and prim in her silks, and still remained +NUMBER ONE. She composed verses about Sir Adge and Maid Else, +about birds and flowers and sad things. + +On reaching the age at which other girls, who have the means, +begin to wear silk dresses, she left them off. She was tired, she +said, of the "smooth and glossy." + +She now grew enthusiastic for fine wool and expensive velvet of +every shade. Dresses in the Renaissance style became her +favourites, and the subject of her studies. She puffed out her +bodices like those in Leonardo's and Rafael's portraits of women, +and tried in other ways as well to resemble them. + +She left off writing verses, and wrote stories instead; the style +was good, though they were anything rather than spontaneous. + +They were short, with a more or less clear pointe. Stories by a +girl of eighteen do not as a general rule make a sensation, but +these were particularly audacious. It was evident that their only +object was to scandalise. Instead of her own name she used the +nom-de-plume of "Puss." This, however, was only to postpone the +announcement that the author who scandalised her readers most, and +that at a time when every author strove to do so, was a girl of +eighteen belonging to one of the first families in the country. + +Soon every one knew that "Puss" was she of the tumbled red locks, +"the tall Renaissance figure with the Titian hair." + +Her hair was abundant, glossy, and slightly curling; she still +wore it hanging loose over her neck and shoulders, as she had done +as a child. Her great eyes seemed to look out upon a new world; +but one felt that the lower part of her face was scarcely in +harmony with the upper. The cheeks fell in a little; the prominent +nose made the mouth look smaller than it actually was; her neck +seemed only to lead the eye downward to her bosom, which almost +appeared to caress her throat, especially when her head was bent +forward, as was generally the case. And very beautiful the throat +was, delicate in colour, superb in contour, and admirably set upon +the bust. For this reason she could never find in her heart to +hide this full white neck, but always kept it uncovered. Her +finely moulded bust surmounting a slender waist and small hips, +her rounded arms, her long hands, her graceful carriage, in her +tightly-fitting dress, formed such a striking picture that one did +more than look--one was obliged to study her, When the elegance +and beauty of her dress were taken into account, one realised how +much intelligence and artistic taste had here been exercised. + +She was friendly in society, natural and composed, always occupied +with something, always with that wondering expression. She spoke +very little, but her words were always well chosen. + +All this, and her general disposition, made people chary of +opposing her, more especially those who knew how intelligent she +was and how much knowledge she possessed. + +She had no friends of her own, but her innumerable relations +supplied her with society, gossip, and flattery, and were at once +her friends and body-guard. She would have had to go abroad to be +alone. + +Among these relations she was a princess: they not only paid her +homage, but had sworn by "Life and Death" that she must marry +without more ado, which was absolutely against her wish. + +From her childhood she had been laying by money, but the amount of +her savings was far less than her relations supposed. This rather +mythical fortune contributed not a little to the fact that "every +one" was in love with her. Not only the bachelors of the family, +that was a matter of course, but artists and amateurs, even the +most blase, swarmed round her, la jeunesse doree (which is homely +enough in Norway), without an exception. A living work of art, +worth more or less money, piquante and admired, how each longed to +carry her home, to gloat over her, to call her his own! + +There was surely more intensity of feeling near her than near +others, a losing of oneself in one only; that unattainable dream +of the world-weary. + +With her one could lead a thoroughly stylish life, full of art and +taste and comfort. She was highly cultivated, and absolutely +emancipated--our little country did not, in those days, possess a +more alluring expression. + +When face to face with her they were uncertain how to act, whether +to approach her diffidently or boldly, smile or look serious, talk +or be silent. + +What these idle wooers gleaned from her stories, her +characteristic dress, her wondering eyes, and her quiet +dreaminess, was not the highest, but they expended their energy +thereon; so that their unbounded discomfiture may be imagined +when, in the autumn, the news spread that Fruken Kristen Ravn was +married to Harald Kaas. + +They burst into peals of derisive laughter they scoffed, they +exclaimed; the only explanation they could offer was that they had +too long hesitated to try their fortune. + +There were others, who both knew and admired her, who were no less +dismayed. They were more than disappointed--the word is too weak; +to many of them it seemed simply deplorable. How on earth could it +have happened? Every one, herself excepted, knew that it would +ruin her life. + +On Kristen Ravn's independent position, her strong character, her +rare courage, on her knowledge, gifts, and energy, many, +especially women, had built up a future for the cause of Woman. +Had she not already written fearlessly for it? Her tendency +towards eccentricity and paradox would soon have worn off, they +thought, as the struggle carried her forward, and at last she +might have become one of the first champions of the cause. All +that was noblest and best in Kristen must predominate in the end. + +And now the few who seek to explain life's perplexities rather +than to condemn them discovered--Some of them, that the defiant +tone of her writings and her love of opposition bespoke a degree +of vanity sufficient to have led her into fallacy. Others +maintained that hers was essentially a romantic nature which might +cause her to form a false estimate both of her own powers and of +the circumstances of life. Others, again, had heard something of +how this husband and wife lived, one in each wing of the house, +with different staffs of servants, and with separate incomes; that +she had furnished her side in her own way, at her own expense, and +had apparently conceived the idea of a new kind of married life. +Some people declared that the great lime-trees near the mansion at +Hellebergene were alone responsible for the marriage. They soughed +so wondrously in the summer evenings, and the sea beneath their +branches told such enthralling stories. Those grand old woods, the +like of which were hardly to be found in impoverished Norway, were +far dearer to her than was her husband. Her imagination had been +taken captive by the trees, and thus Harald Kaas had taken HER. +The estate, the climate, the exclusive possession of her part of +the house: this was the bait which she had chosen. Harald Kaas was +only a kind of Puck who had to be taken along with it. But it is +doubtful whether this conjecture was any nearer the truth. No one +ever really knew. She was not one of those whom it is easy to +catechise. + +Every one wearies at last of trying to solve even the most +interesting of enigmas. No one could tolerate the sound of her +name when, four months after her marriage, she was seen in a stall +at the Christiania Theatre just as in old days, though looking +perhaps a little paler. Every opera-glass was levelled at her. She +wore a light, almost white, dress, cut square as usual. She did +not hide her face behind her fan. She looked about her with her +wondering eyes, as though she was quite unconscious that there +were other people in the theatre or that any one could be looking +at her. Even the most pertinacious were forced to concede that she +was both physically and mentally unique, with a charm all her own. + +But just as she had become once more the subject of general +conversation, she disappeared. It afterwards transpired that her +husband had fetched her away, though hardly any one had seen him. +It was concluded that they must have had their first quarrel over +it. + +Accurate information about their joint life was never obtained. +The attempts of her relations to force themselves upon them were +quite without result, except that they found out that she was +enceinte, notwithstanding her utmost efforts to conceal the fact. + +She sent neither letter nor announcement; but in the summer, when +she was next seen in Christiania, she was wheeling a perambulator +along Karl Johan Street, her eyes as wondering as though some one +had just put it between her hands. She looked handsomer and more +blooming than ever. + +In the perambulator lay a boy with his mother's broad forehead, +his mother's red hair. The child was charmingly dressed, and he, +as well as the perambulator, was so daintily equipped, so +completely in harmony with herself, that every one understood the +reply that she gave, when, after the usual congratulations, her +acquaintances inquired, "Shall we soon have a new story from +you?"--she answered, "A new story? Here it is!" + +But, notwithstanding the unalloyed happiness which she displayed +here, it could no longer be concealed that more often than not she +was absent from home, and that she never mentioned her husband's +name. If any one spoke of him to her, she changed the subject. By +the time that the boy was a year old, it had become evident that +she contemplated leaving Hellebergene entirely. She had been in +Christiania for some time and had gone home to make arrangements, +saying that she should come back in a few days. + +But she never did so. + +The day after her return home, while the numerous servants at +Hellebergene, as well as the labourers with their wives and +children, were all assembled at the potato digging, Harald Kaas +appeared, carrying his wife under his left arm like a sack. He +held her round the waist, feet first, her face downwards and +hidden by her hair, her hands convulsively clutching his left +thigh, her legs sometimes hanging down, sometimes straight out. He +walked composedly out with her, holding in his right hand a bunch +of long fresh birch twigs. A little way from the gallery he +paused, and laying her across his left knee, he tore off some of +her clothes, and beat her until the blood flowed. She never +uttered a sound. When he put her from him, she tremblingly +rearranged--first her hair, thus displaying her face just as the +blood flowed back from it, leaving it deadly white. Tears of pain +and shame rolled down her cheeks; but still not a sound. She tried +to rearrange her dress, but her tattered garments trailed behind +her as she went back to the house. She shut the door after her, +but had to open it again; her torn clothes had caught fast in it. + +The women stood aghast; some of the children screamed with fright: +this infected the rest, and there was a chorus of sobs. The men, +most of whom had been sitting smoking their pipes, but who had +sprung to their feet again, stood filled with shame and +indignation. + +It had not been without a pang that Harald Kaas had done this, his +face and manner had shown it for a long time and still did so; but +he had expected that a roar of laughter would greet his +extraordinary vagary. This was evident from the composure with +which he had carried his wife out; and still more from the glance +of gratified revenge with which he looked round him afterwards. +But there was only dead stillness, succeeded by weeping, sobbing, +and indignation. He stood there for a moment, quite overcome, then +went indoors again, a defeated, utterly broken man. + +In every encounter with this delicate creature the giant had been +worsted. + +After this, however, she never went beyond the grounds. For the +first few years she was only seen by the people about the estate, +and by them but seldom. Sometimes she would take her boy out in +his little carriage, or, as time went on, would lead him by the +hand, sometimes she was alone. She was generally wrapped in a big +shawl, a different one for each dress she wore, and which she +always held tightly round her. This was so characteristic of her +that to this day I hear people from the neighbourhood talk about +it as though she were never seen otherwise. + +What then did she do? She studied; she had given up writing: for +more than one reason it had become distasteful to her. She had +changed roles with her husband, giving herself up to mathematics, +chemistry, and physics, she made calculations and analyses-- +sending for books and materials for these objects. The people on +the estate saw nothing extraordinary in all this. From the first +they had admired her delicacy and beauty. Every one admired her; +it was only the manner and degree that varied. + +Little by little she came to be regarded as one whose life and +thoughts were beyond their comprehension. + +She sought no one, but to those who came to her she never refused +help--more or less. She made herself well acquainted with the +facts of each case; no one could ever deceive her. Whether she +gave much or little, she imposed no conditions, she never lectured +them. Her opinion was expressed by the amount that she gave. + +Her husband's behaviour towards her was such that, had she not +been very popular, she could not have remained at Hellebergene; +that is to say, he opposed and thwarted her in every way he could; +but every one took her part. + +The boy! Could not he have been a bond of union? On the contrary, +there were those who declared that it was from the time of his +birth that things had gone amiss between the parents. The first +time that his father saw him the nurse reported that he "came in +like a lord and went out like a beggar!" The mother lay down again +and laughed; the nurse had never seen the like of it before. Had +he expected that his child must of necessity resemble him, only to +find it the image of its mother? + +When the boy was old enough he loved to wander across to his +father's rooms where there were so many curious things to see; his +father always received him kindly, talking in a way suited to his +childish intelligence, but he would take occasion to cut away a +quantity of his hair. His mother let it grow free and long like +her own, and his father perpetually cut it. The boy would have +been glad enough to be rid of it, but when he grew a little older, +he comprehended his father's motive, and thenceforth he was on his +guard. + +When the people on the estate had told him something of his +father's highly-coloured histories of his feats of strength and +his achievements by land and water, the boy began to feel a shy +admiration for him, but at the same time he felt all the more +strongly the intolerable yoke which he laid upon them--upon every +living being on the estate. It became a secret religion with him +to oppose his father and help his mother, for it was she who +suffered. He would resemble her even to his hair, he would protect +her, he would make it all up to her. It was a positive delight to +him when his father made him suffer: he absolutely felt proud when +he called him Rafaella, instead of Rafael, the name which his +mother had chosen for him; it was the one that she loved best. + +No one was allowed to use the boats or the carriage, no one might +walk through the woods, which had been fenced in, the horses were +never taken out. No repairs were undertaken; if Fru Kaas attempted +to have anything done at her own expense, the workmen were ordered +off: there could no longer be any doubt about it, he wished +everything to go to rack and ruin. The property went from bad to +worse, and the woods--well! It was no secret, every one on the +place talked about it--the timber was being utterly ruined. The +best and largest trees were already rotten; by degrees the rest +would become so. + +At twelve years of age Rafael began to receive religious teaching +from the Dean: the only subject in which his mother did not +instruct him. He shared these lessons with Helene, the Dean's only +child, who was four years younger than Rafael and of whom he was +devotedly fond. + +The Dean told them the story of David. The narrative was unfolded +with additions and explanations; the boy made a picture of it to +himself; his mother had taught him everything in this way. + +Assyrian warriors with pointed beards, oblique eyes, and oblong +shields, had to represent the Israelites; they marched by in an +endless procession. He saw the blue-green of the vineyards on the +hillside, the shadow of the dusty palm-trees upon the dusty road. +Then a wood of aromatic trees into which all the warriors fled. + +Then followed the story of Absalom. + +"Absalom rebelled against his father, what a dreadful thing to +think of," said the Dean. "A grown-up man to rebel against his +father." He chanced to look towards Rafael, who turned as red as +fire. + +The thought which was constantly in his mind was that when he was +grown up he should rebel against his father. + +"But Absalom was punished in a marvellous manner," continued the +Dean. "He lost the battle, and as he fled through the woods, his +long hair caught in a tree, the horse ran away from under him, and +he was left hanging there until he was run through by a spear." + +Rafael could see Absalom hanging there, not in the long Assyrian +garments, not with a pointed beard. No! Slender and young, in +Rafael's tight-fitting breeches and stockings, and with his own +red hair! Ah! how distinctly he saw it! The horse galloping far +away--the grey one at home which he used to ride by stealth when +his father was asleep after dinner. He could see the tall, slender +lad, dangling and swaying, with a spear through his body. +Distinctly! Distinctly! + +This vision, which he never mentioned to a soul, he could not get +rid of. To be left hanging there by his hair--what a strange +punishment for rebelling against his father! + +Certainly he already knew the history, but till now he had paid no +special heed to it. + +It was on a Friday that this great impression had been made on +him, and on the following Thursday morning he awoke to see his +mother standing over him with her most wondering expression. Her +hair still as she had plaited it for the night; one plait had +touched him on the nose and awoke him before she spoke. She stood +bending over him, in her long white nightgown with its dainty lace +trimming, and with bare feet. She would never have come in like +that if something terrible had not happened. Why did she not +speak? only look and look--or was she really frightened? + +"Mother!" he cried, sitting up. + +Then she bent close down to him. "THE MAN IS DEAD," she whispered. +It was his father whom she called "the man," she never spoke of +him otherwise. + +Rafael did not comprehend what she said, or perhaps it paralysed +him. She repeated it again louder and louder, "The man is dead, +the man is dead." + +Then she stood upright, and putting out her bare feet from under +her nightgown, she began to dance--only a few steps; and then she +slipped away through the door which stood half open. He jumped up +and ran after her; there she lay on the sofa, sobbing. She felt +that he was behind her, she raised herself quickly, and, still +sobbing, pressed him to her heart. + +Even when they stood together beside the body, the hand which he +had in his shook so that he threw his arms round her, thinking +that she would fall. + +Later in life, when he recalled this, he understood what she had +silently endured, what an unbending will she had brought to the +struggle, but also what it had cost her. + +At the time he did not in the least comprehend it. He imagined +that she suffered from the horror of the moment as he himself did. + +There lay the giant, in wretchedness and squalor! He who had once +boasted of his cleanliness, and expected the like in others, lay +there, dirty and unshaven, under dirty bed clothes, in linen so +ragged and filthy that no workman on the estate had worse. The +clothes which he had worn the day before lay on a chair beside the +bed, miserably threadbare, foul with dirt, sweat, and tobacco, and +stinking like everything else. His mouth was distorted, his hands +tightly clenched; he had died of a stroke. + +And how forlorn and desolate was all around him! Why had his son +never noticed this before? Why had he never felt that his father +was lonely and forsaken? To how great an extent no words could +express. + +Rafael burst into tears; louder and louder grew his sobbing, until +it sounded through all the rooms. The people from the estate came +in one by one. They wished to satisfy their curiosity. + +The boy's crying, unconsciously to himself, influenced them all: +they saw everything in a new light. How unfortunate, how desolate, +how helpless had he been who now lay there. Lord, have mercy on us +all! + +When the corpse of Harald Kaas had been laid out, the face shaved, +and the eyes closed, the distortion was less apparent. They could +trace signs of suffering, but the expression was still virile. It +seemed a handsome face to them now + + + + +CHAPTER 2 + + +Within a few days of the funeral mother and son were in England. + +Rafael was now to enter upon a long course of study, for which, by +his earlier education, his mother had prepared him, and for which, +by painful privations, she had saved up sufficient money. + +The property was to the last degree impoverished, and burdened +with mortgages, and the timber only fit for fuel. + +Their neighbour the Dean, a clear-headed and practical man, took +upon himself the management of affairs; as money was needed the +work of devastation must begin at once. The mother and son did not +wish to witness it. + +They came to England like two fugitives who, after many and great +trials, for affection's sake seek a new home and a new country. + +Rafael was then twelve years old. + +They were inseparable, and in the shiftless life that they led in +their new surroundings they became, if possible, more closely +attached to each other. + +Yet not long afterwards they had their first disagreement. + +He had gone to school, had begun to learn the language and to make +friends, and had developed a great desire to show off. + +He was very tall and slender and was anxious to be athletic. He +took an active part in the play-ground, but here he achieved no +great success. On the other hand, thanks to his mother, he was +better informed than his comrades, and he contrived to obtain +prominence by this. This prominence must be maintained, and +nothing answered so well as boasting about Norway and his father's +exploits. His statements were somewhat exaggerated, but that was +not altogether his fault, He knew English fairly well, but had not +mastered its niceties. He made use of superlatives, which always +come the most readily. It was true that he had inherited from his +father twenty guns, a large sailing-boat, and several smaller +ones; but how magnificent these boats and guns had become! + +He intended to go to the North Pole, he said, as his father had +done, to shoot white bears, and invited them all to come with him. + +He made a greater impression on his hearers than he himself was +aware of; but something more was wanted, for it was impossible to +foretell from day to day what might be expected of him. He had to +study hard in order to meet the demand. + +As an outcome of this, he betook himself one evening to the +hairdresser's, with some of his schoolfellows, and, without more +ado, requested him to cut his hair quite close. That ought to +satisfy them for a long time. + +The other boys had teased him about his hair, and it got in the +way when he was playing--he hated it. Besides, ever since the +story of Absalom's rebellion and punishment, it had remained a +secret terror to him, but it had never before occurred to him to +have it cut off. + +His schoolfellows were dismayed, and the hairdresser looked on it +as a work of wilful destruction. + +Rafael felt his heart begin to sink, but the very audacity of the +thing gave him courage They should see what he dare do. The +hairdresser hesitated to act without Fru Kaas's knowledge, but at +length he ceased to make objections. + +Rafael's heart sank lower and lower, but he must go through with +it now. "Off with it," he said, and remained immovable in the +chair. + +"I have never seen more splendid hair," said the hairdresser +diffidently, taking up the scissors but still hesitating. + +Rafael saw that his companions were on the tiptoe of expectation. +"Off with it," he said again with assumed indifference. + +The hairdresser cut the hair into his hand and laid it carefully +in paper. + +The boys followed every snip of the scissors with their eyes, +Rafael with his ears; he could not see in the glass. + +When the hairdresser had finished and had brushed his clothes for +him, he offered him the hair. "What do I want with it?" said +Rafael. He dusted his elbows and knees a little, paid, and left +the shop, followed by his companions. They, however, exhibited no +particular admiration. He caught a glimpse of himself in the glass +as he went out, and thought that he looked frightful. + +He would have given all that he possessed (which was not much), he +would have endured any imaginable suffering, he thought, to have +his hair back again. + +His mother's wondering eyes rose up before him with every shade of +expression; his misery pursued him, his vanity mocked him. The end +of it all was that he stole up to his room and went to bed without +his supper. + +But when his mother had vainly waited for him, and some one +suggested that he might be in the house, she went to his room. + +He heard her on the stairs; he felt that she was at the door. When +she entered he had hidden his head beneath the bedclothes. She +dragged them back; and at the first sight of her dismay he was +reduced to such despair that the tears which were beginning to +flow ceased at once. + +White and horror-struck she stood there; indeed she thought at +first that some one had done it maliciously; but when she could +not extract a word of enlightenment, she suspected mischief. + +He felt that she was waiting for an explanation, an excuse, a +prayer for forgiveness, but he could not, for the life of him, get +out a word. + +What, indeed, could he say? He did not understand it himself. But +now he began to cry violently. He huddled himself together, +clasping his head between his hands. It felt like a bristly +stubble. + +When he looked up again his mother was gone. + +A child sleeps in spite of everything. He came down the next +morning in a contrite mood and thoroughly shamefaced. His mother +was not up; she was unwell, for she had not slept a wink. He heard +this before he went to her. He opened her door timidly. There she +lay, the picture of wretchedness. + +On the toilet-table, in a white silk handkerchief, was his hair, +smoothed and combed. + +She lay there in her lace-trimmed nightgown, great tears rolling +down her cheeks. He had come, intending to throw himself into her +arms and beg her pardon a thousand times. But he had a strong +feeling that he had better not do so, or was he afraid to? She was +in the clouds, far, far away. She seemed in a trance: something, +at once painful and sacred, held her enchained. She was both +pathetic and sublime, + +The boy stepped quietly from the room and hurried off to school. + +She remained in bed that day and the next, and made him sit with +the servant in order that she might be alone. When she was in +trouble she always behaved thus, and that he should cross her in +this way was the greatest trial that she had ever known. It came +upon her, too, like a deluge of rain from a clear sky. NOW it +seemed to her that she could foresee his future--and her own. + +She laid the blame of all this on his paternal ancestry. She could +not see that incessant artistic fuss and too much intellectual +training had, perhaps, aroused in him a desire for independence. + +The first time that she saw him again with his cropped head, which +grew more and more like his father's in shape, her tears flowed +quietly. + +When he wished to come to her side, she waived him back with her +shapely hand, nor would she talk to him; when he talked she hardly +looked at him; till at last he burst into tears. For he suffered +as one can suffer but once, when the childish penitence is fresh +and therefore boundless, and when the yearning for love has +received its first rebuff. + +But when, on the fifth day, she met him coming up the stairs, she +stood still in dismay at his appearance: pale, thin, timid; the +effect perhaps heightened by the loss of his hair. He, too, stood +still, looking forlorn and abject, with disconsolate eyes. Then +hers filled; she stretched out her arms. He was once more in his +Paradise, but they both cried as though they must wade through an +ocean of tears before they could talk to each other again. + +"Tell me about it now," she whispered. This was in her own room. +They had spoken the first fond words and kissed each other over +and over again. "How could this have happened, Rafael?" she +whispered again, with her head pressed to his; she did not wish to +look at him while she spoke. + +"Mother," he answered, "it is worse to cut down the woods at home, +at Hellebergene, than that I--" + +She raised her head and looked at him. She had taken off her hat +and gloves, but now she put them quickly on again. + +"Rafael, dear," she said, "shall we go for a walk together in the +park, under the grand old trees?" + +She had felt his retort to be ingenious. + +After this episode, however, England, and more especially her +son's schoolfellows, became distasteful to her, and she constantly +made plans to keep him away from the latter out of school hours. + +She found this very easy; sometimes she went over his studies with +him, at others they visited all the Manufactories and "Works" for +miles round. + +She liked to see for herself and awakened the same taste in him. + +Factories which, as a rule, were closed to visitors, were readily +opened to the pretty elegant lady and her handsome boy, "who after +all knew nothing at all about it;" and they were able to see +almost all that they wished. It was a less congenial task to use +her influence to turn his thoughts to higher things, but it was +rarely, nevertheless, that she failed. She struggled hard over +what she did not understand and sought for help. To explain these +things to Rafael in the most attractive manner possible became a +new occupation for her. + +His natural disposition inclined him to such studies; but to a boy +of thirteen, who was thus kept from his comrades and their sports, +it soon became a nuisance. + +No sooner had Fru Kaas noticed this than she took active steps. +They left England and crossed to France. + +The strange speech threw him back on her; no one shared him with +her. They settled in Calais. A few days after their arrival she +cut her hair short; she hoped that it would touch him to see that +as he would not look like her, she tried to look like him--to be +a. boy like him. She bought a smart new hat, she composed a jaunty +costume, new from top to toe, for EVERYTHING must be altered with +the hair. But when she stood before him, looking like a girl of +twenty-five, merry, almost boisterous, he was simply dismayed-- +nay, it was some time before he could altogether comprehend what +had happened. As long as he could remember his mother, her eyes +had always looked forth from beneath a crown; more solemn, more +beautiful. + +"Mother," he said, "where are you?" + +She grew pale and grave, and stammered something about its being +more comfortable--about red hair not looking well when it began to +lose its colour--and went into her room. There she sat with his +hair before her and her own beside it; she wept. + +"Mother, where are you?" She might have answered, "Rafael, where +are you?" + +She went about with him everywhere. In France two handsome, +stylishly dressed people are always certain to be noticed, a thing +which she thoroughly appreciated. + +During their different expeditions she always spoke French; he +begged her to talk Norse at least now and then, but all in vain. + +Here, too, they visited every possible and impossible factory. +Unpractical and reserved as she was on ordinary occasions, she +could be full of artifice and coquetry whenever she wished to gain +access to a steam bakery and particular as she generally was about +her toilette, she would come away again sooty and grimy if thereby +she could procure for Rafael some insight into mechanics. She +shrank from foul air as from the cholera, yet inhaled sulphuric +acid gas as though it had been ozone for his sake. + +"Seeing for yourself, Rafael, is the substance, other methods are +its shadow;" or "Seeing for yourself, Rafael, is meat and drink, +the other is but literature." + +He was not quite of the same opinion: he thought that Notre Dame +de Paris, from which he was daily dragged away, was the richest +banquet that he had yet enjoyed, while from the factory of Mayel +et fils there issued the most deadly odours. + +His reading--she had encouraged him in it for the sake of the +language and had herself helped him; now she was jealous of it and +could not be persuaded to get him new books; but he got them +nevertheless. + +They had been in Calais for several months; he had masters and was +beginning to feel himself at home, when there arrived at the +pension a widow from one of the colonies, accompanied by her +daughter, a girl of thirteen. + +The new comers had not appeared at meals for more than two days +before the young gentleman began to pay his court to the young +lady. From the first moment it was a plain case. Very soon every +one in the pension was highly amused to notice how fluent his +French was becoming; his choice of words at times was even +elegant! The girl taught him it without a trace of grammar, by +charm, sprightliness, a little nonsense; a pair of confiding eyes +and a youthful voice were sufficient. It was from her that he got, +by stealth, one novel after another. By stealth it had to be; by +stealth Lucie had procured them; by stealth she gave them to him; +by stealth they were read; by stealth she took them back again. +This reading made him a little absent-minded, but otherwise +nothing betrayed his flights into literature: to be sure, they +were not very wonderful. + +Fru Kaas noticed her son's flirtation, and smiled with the rest +over his progress in French. She had less objection to this +friendship, in which, to a great extent, she shared, than to those +in England, from which she had been quite excluded. In the +evenings she would take the mother and daughter out for short +excursions; and these she greatly enjoyed. But the novel reading +which the young people carried on secretly had resulted in +conversations of a "grown up" type. They talked of love with the +deep experience which is proper to their age, they talked with +still greater discretion as to when their wedding should take +place; on this point they indirectly said much which caused them +many a delightful tremor. As they were accustomed to talk about +themselves before others, to describe their feelings in a veiled +form, it often happened when there were many people near that they +carried this amusement further, and before they were themselves +aware of it, they were in the full tide of a symbolic language and +played "catch" with each other. + +Fru Kaas noticed one evening that the word "rose" was drawn out to +a greater length than it was possible for any rose to attain to; +at the same time she saw the languishing look in their eyes, and +broke in with the question, "What do you mean about the rose, +child?" + +If any one had peeped behind a rose-bush and caught them kissing +one another, a thing they had never done, they could not have +blushed more. + +The next day Fru Kaas found new rooms, a long way from the quay +near which they were living. + +Rafael had suffered greatly at being torn away from England just +as he had come down from his high horse and had put himself on a +par with his companions, but not the least notice was taken of his +trouble; it had only annoyed his mother. + +To be absolutely debarred from the books he was so fond of had +been hard; but up to this time, being in a foreign land, amid +foreign speech, he had always fallen back upon her. Now he openly +defied her. He went straight off to the hotel and sought out +Madame Mery and her daughter as though nothing had occurred. This +he did every day when he had finished his lessons. Lucie had now +become his sole romance; he gave all his leisure time to her, and +not only that (for it no longer sufficed to see her at her +mother's), they met on the quay! At times a maid-servant walked +with them for appearance sake, at others she kept in the +background. Sometimes they would go on board a Norwegian ship, +sometimes they wandered about or strolled beneath some great +trees. When he saw her in her short frock come out of the door, +saw her quick movements, and her lively signals to him with +parasol or hat or flowers, the quay, the ships, the bales, the +barrels, the air, the noise, the crowd, all seemed to play and +sing, + + "Enfant! si j'etais roi je donerais l'empire, + Et mon char, et mon septre, et mon peuple a genoux," + +and he ran to meet her. + +He never dared to do more than to take both her chubby brown +hands, nor to say more than "You are very sweet, you are very very +good." And she never went further than to look at him, walk with +him, laugh with him, and say to him, "You are not like the +others." What experiences there had been in the life of this girl +of thirteen goodness alone knows. He never asked her, he was too +sure of her. + +He learned French from her as one bird feeds from another's bill, +or as one who looks at his image in a fountain, as be drinks from +it. + +One day, as mother and son were at breakfast, she glanced quietly +across at him. "I heard of an excellent preparatory school of +mechanics at Rouen," she said, "so I wrote to inquire about it, +and here is the answer. I approve of it in all respects, as you +will do when you read it. I think that we shall go to Rouen; what +do you say to it?" + +He grew first red, then white; then put down his bread, his table +napkin; got up and left the room. Later in the day she asked him +whether he would not read the letter; he left her without +answering. At last, just as he was going to meet Lucie on the +quay, she said, and this time with determination, that they were +to leave in the course of an hour. She had already packed up; as +they stood there the man came to fetch the luggage. At that moment +he felt that he could thoroughly understand why his father had +beaten her. + +As they sat in the carriage which took them to the station he +suffered keenly. It could not nave been worse, he thought, if his +mother had stabbed him with a knife. He did not sit beside her in +the railway carriage. + +During the first days at Rouen he would not answer when she spoke +to him, nor ask a single question. He had adopted her own tactics; +he carried them through with a cruelty of which he was not aware. + +For a long time he had been disposed to criticise her; now that +this criticism was extended to all that she said or did, the +spirit of accusation tinctured her whole life; their joint past +seemed altered and debased. + +His father's bent form, in the log chair on the hairless skin, +malodorous and dirty, rose up before him, in vivid contrast with +his mother in her well appointed, airy, perfumed rooms! + +When Rafael stood by his father's body he had felt the same thing- +-that the old man had been badly treated. He himself had been +encouraged to neglect his father, to shun him, to evade his +orders. At that time he had laid the blame on the people on the +estate; now he put it all down to his mother's account. His father +had certainly adored her once, and this feeling had changed into +wild self-consuming hatred. What had happened? He did not know; +but he could not but admit that his mother would have tried the +patience of Job. + +He pictured to himself how Lucie would come running with her +flowers, search for him over the whole quay, farther and farther +every time, standing still at last. He could not think of it +without tears, and without a feeling of bitterness. + +But a child is a child. It was not a life-long grief. As the place +was new and historically interesting, and as lessons had now begun +and his mother was always with him, this feeling wore off, but the +mutual restraint was still there. The critical spirit which had +first been roused in England never afterwards left Rafael. + +The hours of study which they passed together produced good +results. Beginning as her pupil, he had ended by becoming her +teacher. She was anxious to keep up with him, and this was an +advantage to him, on account of her almost too minute accuracy, +but still more from her intelligent questions. Apart from study +they passed many pleasant hours together, but they both knew that +something was missing in their conversation which could never be +there again. + +At longer or shorter intervals a shy silence interrupted this +intercourse. Sometimes it was he, sometimes she, who, for some +cause or other, often a most trivial one, elected not to reply, +not to ask a question, not to see. When they were good friends he +appreciated the best side of her character, the self-sacrificing +life which she led for him. When they were not friends it was +exactly the opposite. When they were friends, he, as a rule, did +whatever she wished. He tried to atone for the past. He was in the +land of courtesy and influenced by its teaching. When he was not +friends with her he behaved as badly as possible. He early got +among bad companions and into dissipated habits; he was the very +child of Rebellion. At times he had qualms of conscience on +account of it. + +She guessed this, and wished him to guess that she guessed it. + +"I perceive a strange atmosphere here, fie! Some one has mixed +their atmosphere with yours, fie!" And she sprinkled him with +scent. + +He turned as red as fire and, in his shame and misery, did not +know which way to look. But if he attempted to speak she became as +stiff as a poker, and, raising her small hand, "Taisez-vous des +egards, sil vous plait." + +It must be said in her excuse that, notwithstanding the daring +books which she had written, she had had no experience of real +life; she knew no form of words for such an occasion. It came at +last to this pass, that she, who had at one time wished to control +his whole life and every thought in it, and who would not share +him with any one, not even with a book, gradually became unwilling +to have any relations with him outside his studies. + +The French language especially lends itself to formal intercourse +and diplomacy. They grasped this fact from the first. It may, +indeed, have contributed to form their mutual life. It was more +equitable and caused fewer collisions. At the slightest +disagreement it was at once "Monsieur mon fils" or simply +"Monsieur," or "Madame ma mere," or "Madame." + +At one time his health seemed likely to suffer: his rapid growth +and the studies, to which she kept him very closely, were too much +for his strength. + +But just then something remarkable occurred. At the time when +Rafael was nineteen he was one day in a French chemical factory, +and, as it were in a flash, saw how half the power used in the +machinery might be saved. The son of the owner who had brought him +there was a fellow-student. To him he confided his discovery. They +worked it out together with feverish excitement to the most minute +details. It was very complex, for it was the working of the +factory itself which was involved. The scheme was carefully gone +into by the owner, his son, and their assistants together, and it +was decided to try it. It was entirely successful; LESS than half +the motive power now sufficed. + +Rafael was away at the time that it was inaugurated; he had gone +down a mine. His mother was not with him; he never took her down +mines with him. As soon as ever he returned home he hurried off +with her to see the result of his work. They saw everything, and +they both blushed at the respect shown to them by the workmen. +They were quite touched when, the owner being called, they heard +his expressions of boundless delight. Champagne flowed for them, +accompanied by the warmest thanks. The mother received a beautiful +bouquet. Excited by the wine and the congratulations, proud of his +recognition as a genius, Rafael left the place with his mother on +his arm. It seemed to him as though he were on one side, and all +the rest of the world on the other. His mother walked happily +beside him, with her bouquet in her hand. Rafael wore a new +overcoat--one after his own heart, very long and faced with silk, +and of which he was excessively proud. It was a clear winter's +day; the sun shone on the silk, and on something more as well. + +"There is not a speck on the sky, mother," he said. + +"Nor one on your coat either," she retorted; for there had been a +great many on his old one, and each had had its history. + +He was too big now to be turned to ridicule, and too happy as +well. She heard him humming to himself: it was the Norwegian +national air. They came back to the town again as from Elysium. +All the passers-by looked at them: people quickly detect +happiness. Besides Rafael was a head taller than most of them and +fairer in complexion. He walked quickly along beside his elegant +mother, and looked across the Boulevard as though from a sunny +height. + +"There are days on which one feels oneself a different person," he +said. + +"There are days on which one receives so much," she answered, +pressing his arm. + +They went home, threw aside their wraps, and looked at one +another. Sketches of the machinery which they had just seen lay +about, as well as some rough drawings. These she collected and +made into a roll. + +"Rafael," she said, and drew herself up, half laughing, half +trembling, "kneel; I wish to knight you." + +It did not seem unnatural to him; he did so. + +"Noblesse oblige," she said, and let the roll of paper approach +his head; but therewith she dropped it and burst into tears. + +He spent a merry evening with his friends, and was +enthusiastically applauded. But as he lay in bed that night he +felt utterly despondent. The whole thing might, after all, have +been a mere chance. He had seen so much, had acquired so much +information; it was no discovery that he had made. What was it, +then? He was certainly not a genius; that must be an exaggeration. +Could one imagine a genius without a victor's confidence, or had +his peculiar life destroyed that confidence? This anxiety which +constantly intruded itself; this bad conscience; this dreadful, +vile conscience; this ineradicable dread; was it a foreboding? Did +it point to the future? + +It was about half a year after this that his desultory studies +became concentrated on electricity, and after a time this took +them to Munich. During the course of these studies he began to +write, quite spontaneously. The students had formed a society, and +Rafael was expected to contribute a paper. But his contribution +was so original that they begged him to show it to the professor, +and this encouraged him greatly. It was the professor, too, who +had his first article printed. A Norwegian technical periodical +accepted a subsequent one, and this was the external influence +which turned his thoughts once more towards Norway. Norway rose +before him as the promised land of electricity. The motive power +of its countless waterfalls was sufficient for the whole world! He +saw his country during the winter darkness gleaming with electric +lustre. He saw her, too, the manufactory of the world, the +possessor of navies. Now he had something to go home for! + +His mother did not share his love for their country, and had no +desire to live in Norway. But the money which she had saved up for +his education bad been spent long ago. Hellebergene had had its +share. The estate did not yield an equivalent, for it was +essentially a timbered estate, and the trees on it were still +immature. + +So it was to be home! A few years alone at Hellebergene was just +what he wished for. But--something always occurred to prevent +their departure at the time fixed for it. First he was detained by +an invention which he wished to patent. Up to the present time he +had only sketched out ideas which others had adopted; now it was +to be different. The invention was duly patented and handed over +to an agent to sell; but still they did not start. What was the +hindrance? Another invention with a fresh patent more likely to +sell than the first, which unfortunately did not go off. This +patent was also taken out, which again cost money, and was handed +over to the agent to be sold. Could he not start now? Well, yes, +he thought he could. But Fru Kaas soon realised that he was not +serious, so she sought the help of a young relative, Hans Ravn, an +engineer, like most of the Ravns. Rafael liked Hans, for he was +himself a Ravn in temperament, a thing that he had not realised +before; it was quite a revelation to him. He had believed that the +Ravns were like his mother, but now found that she greatly +differed from them. To Hans Ravn Fru Kaas said plainly that now +they must start. The last day of May was the date fixed on, and +this Hans was to tell every one, for it would make Rafael bestir +himself, his mother thought, if this were known everywhere. Hans +Ravn spread this news far and near, partly because it was his +province to do so, partly because he hoped it would be the +occasion of a farewell entertainment such as had never been seen. +A banquet actually did take place amid general enthusiasm, which +ended in the whole company forming a procession to escort their +guest to his house. Here they encountered a crowd of officers who +were proceeding home in the same manner. They nearly came to +blows, but fraternised instead, and the engineers cheered the +officers and the officers the engineers. + +The next day the history of the two entertainments and the +collision between the guests went the round of the papers. + +This produced results which Fru Kaas had not foreseen. The first +was a very pleasant one. The professor who had had Rafael's first +article published drove up to the door, accompanied by his family. +He mounted the stairs, and asked her if she would not, in their +company, once more visit the prettiest parts of Munich and its +vicinity. She felt flattered, and accepted the invitation. As they +drove along they talked of nothing but Rafael: partly about his +person, for he was the darling of every lady, partly about the +future which lay before him. The professor said that he had never +had a more gifted pupil. Fru Kaas had brought an excellent +binocular glass with her, which she raised to her eyes from time +to time to conceal her emotion, and their hearty praise seemed to +flood the landscape and buildings with sunshine. + +The little party lunched together, and drove home in the +afternoon. + +When Fru Kaas re-entered her room, she was greeted by the scent of +flowers. Many of their friends who had not till now known when +they were to leave had wished to pay them some compliment. Indeed, +the maid said that the bell had been ringing the whole morning. A +little later Rafael and Hans Ravn came in with one or two friends. +They proposed to dine together. The sale of the last patent seemed +to be assured, and they wished to celebrate the event. Fru Kaas +was in excellent spirits, so off they went. + +They dined in the open air with a number of other people round +them. There was music and merriment, and the subdued hum of +distant voices rose and fell in the twilight. When the lamps were +lighted, they had on one side the glare of a large town, on the +other the semi-darkness was only relieved by points of light; and +this was made the subject of poetical allusions in speeches to the +friends who were so soon to leave them. + +Just then two ladies slowly passed near Rafael's chair. Fru Kaas, +who was sitting opposite, noticed them, but he did not. When they +had gone a short distance they stood still and waited, but did not +attract his attention. Then they came slowly back again, passing +close behind his chair, but still in vain. This annoyed Fru Kaas. +Her individuality was so strong that her silence cast a shadow +over the whole party; they broke up. + +The next morning Rafael was out again on business connected with +the patent. The bell rang, and the maid came in with a bill; it +had been brought the previous day as well, she said. It was from +one of the chief restaurateurs of the town, and was by no means a +small one. Fru Kaas had no idea that Rafael owed money--least of +all to a restaurateur. She told the maid to say that her son was +of age, and that she was not his cashier. There was another ring-- +the maid reappeared with a second bill, which had also been +brought the day before. It was from a well-known wine merchant; +this, too, was not a small one. Another ring; this time it was a +bill for flowers and by no means a trifle. This, too, had been +brought the day before. Fru Kaas read it twice, three times, four +times: she could not realise that Rafael owed money for flowers-- +what did he want them for? Another ring; now it was a bill from a +jeweller. Fru Kaas became so nervous at the ringing and the bills +that she took to flight. Here, then, was the explanation of their +postponed departure: he was held captive; this was the reason for +all his anxiety about selling the patent. He had to buy his +freedom. She was hardly in the street when an unpretending little +old woman stepped up to her, and asked timidly if this might be +Frau von Kas? Another bill, thought Fru Kaas, eyeing her closely. +She reminded one of a worn-out rose-bush with a few faded blossoms +on it: she seemed poor and inexperienced in all save humility. + +"What do you want with me?" inquired Fru Kaas sympathetically, +resolved to pay the poor thing at once, whatever it might be. + +The little woman begged "Tausend Mal um Verzeihung," but she was +"Einer Beamten-Wittwe" and had read in the paper that the young +Von Kas was leaving, and both she and her daughter were in such +despair that she had resolved to come to Frau von Kas, who was the +only one--and here she began to cry. + +"What does your daughter want from me?" asked Fru Kaas rather less +gently. + +"Ach! tausend Mal um Verzeihung gnadige Frau," her daughter was +married to Hofrath von Rathen--"ihrer grossen Schonheit wegen"-- +ah, she was so unhappy, for Hofrath von Rathen drank and was cruel +to her. Herr von Kas had met her at the artists' fete--"Und so +wissen Sie zwei so junge, reizende Leute." She looked up at Fru +Kaas through her tears--looked up as though from a rain-splashed +cellar window; but Fru Kaas had reverted to her abrupt manner, and +as if from an upper storey the poor little woman heard, "What does +your daughter want with my son?" + +"Tausend Mal um Verzeihung," but it had seemed to them that her +daughter might go with them to Norway, Norway was such a free +country. "Und die zwei Jungen haben sich so gern." + +"Has he promised her this?" said Fru Kaas, with haughty coldness. + +"Nein, nein, nein," was the frightened reply. They two, mother and +daughter, had thought of it that day. They had read in the paper +that the young Von Kas was going away. "Herr Gott in Himmel!" if +her daughter could thus be rid at once of all her troubles! Frau +von Kas had not an idea of what a faithful soul, what a tender +wife her daughter was. + +Fru Kaas crossed hastily over to the opposite pavement. She did +not go quite so fast as a person in chase of his hat, but it +seemed to the poor little creature, left in the lurch, with folded +hands and frightened eyes, that she had vanished faster than her +hopes. On the other side of the waystood a pretty young flower- +girl who was waiting for the elegant lady hurrying in her +direction. "Bitte, gnadige Frau." Here is another, thought the +hunted creature. She looked round for help, she flew up the +street, away, away--when another lady popped up right in front of +her, evidently trying to catch her eye. Fru Kaas dashed into the +middle of the street and took refuge in a carriage. + +"Where to?" asked the driver. + +This she had not stopped to consider, but nevertheless answered +boldly, "The Bavaria!" + +In point of fact she had had an idea of seeing the view of the +city and its environs from "Bavaria's" lofty head before leaving. +There were a great many people there, but Fru Kaas's turn to go up +soon came; but just as she had reached the head of the giantess +and was going to look out, she heard a lady whisper close behind +her, "That is his mother." It was probable that there were several +mothers up there in "Bavaria's" head beside Fru Kaas, nevertheless +she gathered her skirts together and hurried down again. + +Rafael came home to dine with his mother; he was in the highest +spirits--he had sold his patent. But he found her sitting in the +farthest corner of the sofa, with her big binocular glass in her +hand. When he spoke to her she did not answer, but turned the +glass with the small end towards him; she wished him to look as +far off as possible. + + + + +CHAPTER 3 + + +It was a bright evening in the beginning of June that they +disembarked from the steamer, and at once left the town in the +boat which was to take them to Hellebergene. They did not know any +of the boatmen, although they were from the estate; the boat also +was new. + +But the islands among which they were soon rowing were the old +ones, which had long awaited them and seemed to have swum out to +meet them, and now to move one behind the other so that the boat +might pass between them. Neither mother nor son spoke to the men, +nor did they talk to each ether. In thus keeping silence they +entered into each other's feelings, for they were both awestruck. +It came upon them all at once. The bright evening light over sea +and islands, the aromatic fragrance from the land,--the quick +splash of a little coasting steamer as she passed them--nothing +could cheer them. + +Their life lay there before them, bringing responsibilities both +old and new. How would all that they were coming to look to them, +and how far were they themselves now fitted for it? + +Now they had passed the narrow entrance of the bay, and rounded +the last point beneath the crags of Hellebergene. The green +expanse opened out before them, the buildings in its midst. The +hillsides had once been crowned and darkly clad with luxuriant +woods. Now they stood there denuded, shrunk, formless, spread over +with a light green growth leaving some parts bare. The lowlands, +as well as the hills which framed them, were shrunk and +diminished, not in extent but in appearance. They could nut +persuade themselves to look at it. They recalled it all as it had +been and felt themselves despoiled. + +The buildings had been newly painted, but they looked small by +contrast with those which they had in their minds. No one awaited +them at the landing, but a few people stood about near the +gallery, looking embarrassed--or were they suspicious? The +travellers went into Fru Kaas's old rooms, both up stairs and +down. These were just as they had left them, but how faded and +wretched they looked! The table, which was laid for supper, was +loaded with coarse food like that at a farmer's wedding. + +The old lime-trees were gone. Fru Kaas wept. + +Suddenly she was reminded of something. "Let us go across to the +other wing," she said this as if there they would find what was +wanting. In the gallery she took Rafael's arm; he grew curious. +His father's old rooms had been entirely renovated for him. In +everything, both great and small, he recognised his mother's +designs and taste. A vast amount of work, unknown to him, an +endless interchange of letters and a great expenditure of money. +How new and bright everything looked! The rooms differed as much +from what they had been, as she had endeavoured to make Rafael's +life from the one that had been led in them. + +They two had a comfortable meal together after all, followed by a +quiet walk along the shore. The wide waters of the bay gleamed +softly, and the gentle ripple took up its old story again while +the summer night sank gently down upon them. + +Early the next morning Rafael was out rowing in the bay, the play- +ground of his childhood. Notwithstanding the shorn and sunken +aspect of the hills, his delight at being there again was +indescribable. Indescribable because of the loneliness and +stillness: no one came to disturb him. After having lived for many +years in large towns, to find oneself alone in a Norwegian bay is +like leaving a noisy market-place at midday and passing into a +high vaulted church where no sound penetrates from without, and +where only one's own footstep breaks the silence. Holiness, +purification, abstraction, devotion, but in such light and freedom +as no church possesses. The lapse of time, the past were +forgotten; it was as though he had never been away, as though no +other place had ever known him. + +Indescribable, for the intensity of his feelings surpassed +anything that he had hitherto known. New sensations, impressions +of beauty absolutely forgotten since childhood, or remembered but +imperfectly, crowded upon him, speaking to him like welcoming +spirits. + +The altered contour of the hills, the dear familiar smell, the sky +which seemed lower and yet farther off, the effects of light in +colder tones, but paler and more delicate. Nowhere a broad plain, +an endless expanse. No! all was diversified, full of contrast, +broken; not lofty, still unique, fresh, he had almost said +tumultuous. + +Each moment he felt more in accord with his memories, his nature +was in harmony with it all. + +He paused between each stroke of the oars, soothed by the gentle +motion; the boat glided on, he had not concerned himself whither, +when he heard from behind the sound of oars which was not the echo +of his own. The strokes succeeded each other at regular intervals. +He turned. + +At that moment Fru Kaas came out on to the terrace with her big +binocular. She had had her coffee, and was ready to enjoy the view +over the bay, the islands, and the open sea. Rafael, she was told, +had already gone out in the boat. Yes! there he was, far out. She +put up her glass at the moment that a white painted boat shot out +towards his brown one. The white one was rowed by a girl in a +light-coloured dress. "Grand Dieu! are there girls here too?" + +Now Rafael ceases rowing, the girl does the same, they rest on +their oars and the boats glide past each other. Fru Kaas could +distinguish the girl's shapely neck under her dark hair, but her +wide-brimmed straw hat hid her face. + +Rafael lets his oars trail along the water and resting on them +looks at her, and now her oars also touch the water as she turns +towards him. Do they know each other? Quickly the boats draw +together; Rafael puts out his hand and draws them closer, and now +he gives HER his hand. Fru Kaas can see Rafael's profile so +plainly that she can detect the movement of his lips. He is +laughing! The stranger's face is hidden by her hat, but she can +see a full figure and a vigorous arm below the half-sleeve. They +do not loose their hands; now he is laughing till his broad +shoulders shake. What is it? What is it? Can any one have followed +him from Munich? Fru Kaas could remain where she was no longer. +She went indoors and put down the glass; she was overcome by +anxiety, filled with helpless anger. It was some time before she +could prevail on herself to go out and resume her walk. The girl +had turned her boat. Now they are rowing in side by side, she as +strongly as he. Whenever Fru Kaas looked at her son he was +laughing and the girl's face was turned towards his. Now they head +for the landing-place at the parsonage. Was it Helene? The only +girl for miles round, and Rafael had hooked himself on to her the +very first day that he was at home. These girls who can never see +him without taking a fancy to him! Now the boats are beached, not +on the shingle, where the stones would be slippery. No! on the +sand, where they have run them up as high as possible. Now she +jumps lightly and quickly out of her boat, and he a little more +heavily out of his; they grasp each other's hands again. Yes! +there they were. + +Fru Kaas turned away; she knew that for the moment she was nothing +more than an old chattel pushed away into a corner. + +It was Helene. She knew that they had arrived and thought that she +would row past the house; and thus it was that she had encountered +Rafael, who had simply gone out to amuse himself. + +As they had lain on their oars and the boats glided silently past +each other, he thought to himself, "That girl never grew up here, +she is cast in too fine a mould for that; she is not in harmony +with the place." He saw a face whose regular lines, and large grey +eyes, harmonised well with each other, a quiet wise face, across +which all at once there flew a roguish look. He knew it again. It +had done him good before to-day. Our first thought in all +recognitions, in all remembrances--that is to say, if there is +occasion for it--is, has that which we recognise or recall done us +good or evil? + +This large mouth, those honest eyes, which have a roguish look +just now, had always, done him good. + +"Helene!" he cried, arresting the progress of his boat. + +"Rafael!" she answered, blushing crimson and checking her boat +too. + +What a soft contralto voice! + +When he came in to breakfast, beaming, ready to tell everything, +he was confronted by two large eyes, which said as plainly as +possible, "Am I put on one side already?" He became absolutely +angry. During breakfast she said, in a tone of indifference, that +she was going to drive to the Dean's, to thank him for the +supervision which he had given to the estate during all these +years. He did not answer, from which she inferred that he did not +wish to go with her. It was some time before she started. The +harness was new, the stable-boy raw and untrained. She saw nothing +more of Rafael. + +She was received at the parsonage with the greatest respect, and +yet very heartily. The Dean was a fine old man and thoroughly +practical. His wife was of profounder nature. Both protested that +the care of the estate had been no trouble to them, it had only +been a pleasant employment; Helene had now undertaken it. + +"Helene?" + +Yes; it had so chanced that the first bailiff at Hellebergene had +once been agronomist and forester on a large concern which was in +liquidation, Helene had taken such a fancy to him, that when she +was not at school, she went with him everywhere; and, indeed, he +was a wonderful old man. During these rambles she had learned all +that he could teach her. He had an especial gift for forestry. It +was a development for her, for it gave a fresh interest to her +life. Little by little she had taken over the whole care of the +estate. It absorbed her. + +Fru Kaas asked if she might see Helene, to thank her. + +"But Helene has just gone out with Rafael, has she not?" + +"Yes, to be sure," answered Fru Kaas. She would not show surprise; +but she asked at once for her carriage. + +Meanwhile the two young people had determined to climb the ridge. +At first they followed the course of the river, Helene leading the +way. It was evident that she had grown up in the woods. How strong +and supple she was, and how well she acquitted herself when she +had to cross a brook, climb a wooded slope, force a way through a +barrier of bristly young fir-trees which opposed her passage, or +surmount a heap of clay at a quarry, of which there were a great +many about there. Each difficulty was in turn overcome. The ascent +from the river was the most direct and the pleasantest, which was +the reason that they had come this way. Rafael would not be +outdone by her, and kept close at her heels. But, great heavens! +what it cost him. Partly because he was out of practice, partly-- + +"It is a little difficult to get over here," she said. A tree had +fallen during the last rainy weather, and hung half suspended by +its roots, obstructing the path. "You must not hold by it, it +might give way and drag us with it." + +At last there is something which she considers difficult, he +thought. + +She deliberated for a moment before the farthest-spreading +branches which had to be crossed; then, lifting her skirts to her +knees, over them she went, and over the next ones as well, and +then across the trunk to the farthest side, where there were no +branches in the way; then obliquely up the hillside. She stood +still at the top of the height and watched him crawl up after her. + +It cost him a struggle; he was out of breath and the perspiration +poured off him. When he got up to her, everything swam before him; +and although it was only for a fraction of a second, it left him +fairly captivated by her strength, + +She stood and looked at him with bright, roguish eyes. She was +flushed and hot, and her bosom rose and fell quickly; but there +was no doubt that she could at once have taken an equally long and +steep climb. He was not able to speak a word. + +"Now turn round and look at the sea," she said. + +The words affected him as though great Pan had uttered them from +the mountains far behind. He turned his eyes towards them. It +seemed as though Nature herself had spoken to him. The words +caressed him as with a hand now cold, now warm, and he became a +different being. For he had lost himself--lost himself in her as +she walked along the river-bank and climbed the hillside. She +seemed to draw fresh power from the woods, to grow taller, more +agile, more vigorous. The fervour of her eyes, the richness of her +voice, the grace of her movements, the glimpses of her soul, had +allured him down there in the valley, beside the rushing river, +and the feeling of loss of individuality had increased with the +exertion and the excitement. No ball-room or play-ground, no +gymnasium or riding-school can display the physical powers, and +the spirit which underlies them, the unity of mind and body, as +does the scaling of steep hills and rocky slopes. At last, +intoxicated by these feelings, he thought to himself--I am +climbing after her, climbing to the highest pinnacle of happiness. +Up there! Up there! The composure of her manner towards him, her +freedom from embarrassment, maddened him. Up there! Up there! And +ever as they mounted she became more spirited, he more distressed. +Up there! Up there! His eyes grew dim, for a few seconds he could +not move, could not speak. Then she had said, "Now you must look +at the sea." + +He seemed to see with different eyes, to be endowed with new +sensations, and these new sensations gave answer to what the +distant mountains had said. They answered the sea out there before +him, the island-studded sea, the open sea beyond, the wide +swelling ocean, the desires and destinies of life all the world +over. The sea lay steel-bright beneath the suffused sunlight, and +seemed to gaze on the rugged land as on a beloved child instinct +with vital power. Cling thou to the mighty one, or thy strength +will be thine undoing! + +And many of the inventions which he had dreamed of loomed vaguely +before him. They lay outside there. It depended on him whether he +should one day bring them safely into port. + +"What are you thinking about?" said she, the sound of her voice +put these thoughts to flight and recalled him to the present. He +felt how full and rich her contralto voice was, A moment ago he +could have told her this, and more besides, as an introduction to +still more. Now he sat down without answering, and she did the +same. + +"I come up here very often," she said, "to look at the sea. From +here it seems the source of life and death; down there it is a +mere highway." He smiled. She continued: "The sea has this power, +that whatever pre-occupation one may bring up here, it vanishes in +a moment; but down below it remains with one." + +He looked at her. + +"Yes, it is true," said she, and coloured. + +"I do not in the least doubt it," he replied. + +But she did not continue the subject. "You are looking at the +saplings, I see." + +"Yes." + +"You must know that last year there was a long drought; almost all +the young trees up here withered away, and in other places on the +hillsides also, as you see." She pointed as she spoke. "It looks +so ugly as one comes into the bay. I thought about that yesterday. +I thought also that you should not be here long before you saw +that you had done us an injustice, for could anything be prettier +than that little fir-tree down there in the hollow? just look at +its colour; that is a healthy fellow! and these sturdy saplings, +and that little gem there!" The tones of Helene's voice betrayed +the interest which she felt. "But how that one over there has +grown." She scrambled across to it, and he after her. "Do you see? +two branches already; and what branches!" They knelt down beside +it. "This boy has had parents of whom he can boast, for they have +all had just as much and just as little shelter. Oh! the +disgusting caterpillars." She was down before the little tree at +the side which was being spun over. She cleared it, and got up to +fetch some wet mould, which she laid carefully round the sprouts. +"Poor thing I it wants water, although it rained tremendously a +little time ago." + +"Are you often up here?" he asked. + +"It would all come to nothing if I were not!" She looked at him +searchingly. "You do not, perhaps, believe that this little tree +knows me; every one of them, indeed. If I am long away from them +they do not thrive, but when I am often with them they flourish." +She was on her knees, supporting herself with one hand, while with +the other she pulled up some grass. "The thieves," said she, +"which want to rob my saplings." + +If it had been a little person who had said this; a little person +with lively eyes and a merry mouth--but Helene was tall and +stately; her eyes were not lively, but met one with a steady gaze. +Her mouth was large, and gave deliberate utterance to her +thoughts. + +Whoever has read Helene's words quickly, hurriedly, must read them +over again. She spoke quietly and thoughtfully, each syllable +distinct and musical. She was not the same girl who had led the +way by river and hill. Then she seemed to glory in her strength; +now her energy had changed to delicate feeling. + +One of the most remarkable women in Scandinavia, who also had +these two sides to her character, and made the fullest use of +both, Johanne Luise Hejberg, once saw Helene when she had but just +attained to womanhood. She could not take her eyes off her; she +never tired of watching her and listening to her. Did the aged +woman, then at the close of her life, recognise anything of her +own youth in the girl? Outwardly too they resembled each other. +Helene was dark, as Fru Hejberg had been; was about the same +height, with the same figure, but stronger; had a large mouth, +large grey eyes like hers, into which the same roguish look would +start. But the greatest likeness was to be found in their natures: +in Fru Hejberg's expression when she was quiet and serious; in a +certain motherliness which was the salient feature in her nature. + +"What a healthy girl!" said she; bade some one bring Helene to +her, and drawing her towards her, kissed her on the forehead. + +Helene and her companion had crossed to the other side of the +hill, for he positively must see the "Buckthorn Swamp"; but when +they got down there he did not know it again: it was covered by +luxuriant woods. + +"Yes! It is old Helgesen who deserves the credit of that," she +said. "He noticed that an artificial embankment had converted this +great flat into a swamp, so he cut through it. I was only a child +then, but I had my share in it. They gave me a bit of ground down +by the river to plant Kohl Kabi in. I looked after it the whole +summer. Later on I had a larger piece. With the profits we cut +ditches up to here. In the fourth year we bought plants. In fact, +he so arranged it, that I paid for it all with my work, the old +rogue!" + +When Rafael got home his mother was at table: she had not waited +for him, a sure sign that she felt aggrieved. No attempts on his +part to set things right succeeded. She would not answer, and soon +left the room. It now struck him how pleasant it would have been +for his mother if he had taken her with him to explore and make +acquaintance with this new Hellebergene. The evening before, in +his father's rooms, it had seemed as though nothing could ever +separate them--and the first thing in the morning he was off with +some one else. This evening he knew that nothing could be done, +but next morning he begged her earnestly to come with them, and +they would show her what he had seen the day before; but she only +shook her head and took up a book. Day after day he made a similar +request, but always with the same result. She thought that these +invitations were merely formal, and so, from one point of view, +they were. He was most ready to appease her, most ready to show +her everything, for he felt himself to blame, though he certainly +thought that she might have understood; but her presence would +have marred their tete-a-tete; he would have been embarrassed +enough if she had acquiesced! + +The Dean, with his wife and daughter, came the following Sunday to +return Fru Kaas's visit. She was politeness itself, and specially +thanked Helene for her care of Hellebergene. Helene coloured +without knowing why, but when Rafael also coloured, she blushed +still deeper. This was the event of the visit; nothing else of +importance occurred. + +In their daily walks through the fields and woods, the two young +people soon exhausted the topic of Hellebergene. He took up +another theme. His inventions became the topic of conversation. He +had acquired, from his studies with his mother, an unusual +facility in explaining his meaning, and in Helene he found a +listener such as he had rarely before met with. She was +sufficiently acquainted with the laws of nature to understand a +simple description. But all the same it was not his inventions but +himself that he discoursed on. He quite realised this, and became +all the more eager. Her eyes made his reasoning clearer. He had +never before had such complete faith in himself as when near her, +and now no misgivings succeeded. + +Helene, however, had not hitherto known the direction and results +of his studies. He was an engineer, that was all that she had +heard on the subject. When he had told her more about it he rose +considerably in her estimation. It was SHE now who began to feel +constrained. At first she did not understand why she felt obliged +to put more restraint upon herself. After a time she began to +excuse herself from joining him, and their walks became more rare. +"She had so much to do now." + +He did not comprehend the reason of this; he fancied that his +mother might be to blame (which, by the way, was quite a mistake), +and he grew angry. He was already greatly affronted that his +mother had chosen to confound his former gallantries with his +present attachment. He quite forgot that at first he had merely +sought to amuse himself here as elsewhere. He gave himself up +entirely to his passion, which would brook no hindrance, no +opposition; it became majestic. In Helene he had found his future +life. + +But her parents had grown less cordial of late owing to Fru Kaas's +coldness, and the time came when all attempts to obtain meetings +with Helene failed. He had never been so infatuated. He seemed to +see her continually before him--her luxuriant beauty, her light +step, her grey eyes gazing steadfastly into his. + +Why could they not be married to-morrow or the next day? What +could be more natural? What could more certainly help him forward? + +The constraint between his mother and himself had reached a +greater pitch than ever before. He thought seriously of leaving +her and the country. He still had some money left, the proceeds of +the patent, and he could easily make more. How irksome it became +to him to go into the fields and woods without Helene! He could +not study; he had no one to talk to; what should he do? + +Devote himself to boating!--row out far beyond the bay, right up +to the town! One day, as he rowed along the coast, beyond the bay, +he noticed that the clay and flag-stone formation in the hills and +ridges was speckled with grey. Helene had told him how +extraordinary it looked out there now that the trees were gone, +but as they would have had to come out in the boat to see it he +had let the remark pass. Now he decided to land there. The shore +rose steeply from the water, but he scrambled up. He had expected +to find limestone, but he could hardly believe his own eyes: it +was cement stone! Absolutely, undoubtedly, cement stone! How far +did it extend? As far as he could see; it might even extend to the +boundary of the estate. In any case, here was sufficient for +extensive works for many, many years, if only there were enough +silica with the clay and lime. He had soon knocked off a few +pieces, which he put into the boat, and set out for home to +analyse them. + +Seldom had any one rowed faster than he did; now he shot past the +islands into the bay, up to the landing-place before the house. If +the cement stone contained the right proportions, here was what +would make Helene and himself independent of every one; AND THAT +AT ONCE! + +A little later, with dirty hands and clothes, his face bathed in +perspiration, he rushed up to his mother with the result of his +investigations. + +"Here is something for you to see." + +She was reading; she looked up and turned as white as a sheet. + +"Is that the cement stone?" she asked, as she put down her book. + +"Did you know about it?" he exclaimed, in the greatest +astonishment. + +"Good gracious, yes," she answered. She walked across to the +window, came back again, pressing her hands together. "So you have +found it too?" + +"Who did before me?" + +"Your father, Rafael, your father, the first time that I was here, +a little time before we were to leave." She paused. "He came +rushing in as you did just now--not so quickly, not so quickly, he +was weak in the legs, but otherwise just like you." She let her +eyes rest, with a peculiar look, on Rafael's dirty hands. The +hands themselves were not well shaped, they were almost exactly +his father's. + +Rafael noticed nothing. + +"Had HE found the bed of cement stone, then?" + +"Yes. He locked the door behind him. I got up from my chair and +asked him how he dared? He could hardly speak." She paused for a +moment, recalling it all again. "Yes, and it was THAT stuff." + +"What did he say, mother?" + +She had turned to leave the room. + +"Your father believed that I had brought luck to the house." + +"And why was it not so, then?" + +She faced him quickly. He coloured. + +"Pardon, mother, you misunderstood me. I meant, why did it come to +nothing about the cement?" + +"You did not know your father: there were too many hooks about him +for him to be able to carry out anything." + +"Hooks?" + +"Yes! eccentricity, egotism, passion, which caught fast in +everything." + +"What did he propose to do?" + +"No one was to be allowed to have anything to do with it, no one +was to know of it, he was to be everything! For this reason the +timber was to be cut down and sold; and when we were married--I +say when we were married, the whole of my fortune was to be used +as well." + +He saw the horror with which she still regarded it; she was +passing through the whole struggle again; and he understood that +he must not question her further. She made a gesture with her +hand; and he asked hurriedly, "Why did you not tell me before, +mother?" + +"Because it would have brought you no good," she answered +decidedly. + +He felt, nay, he saw that she believed that it would bring him no +good now. She again raised her hand, and he left her. + +When he was once more in the boat, taking his great news to the +parsonage, he thought to himself, Here is the reason of my +father's and mother's deadly enmity. + +The cement stone! She did not trust him, she would not give him +both herself and her fortune, so there was no cement, nor were any +trees felled. + +"Well, he scored after all. Yes, and mother too; but God help ME!" + +Then he reckoned up what the timber and the fortune together would +have been worth, and what further sum could have been raised on +the property, the value of the cement-bed being taken into +consideration. He understood his father better than his mother. +What a fortune, what power, what magnificence, what a life! + +At the parsonage he carried every one with him. + +The Dean, because he saw at once what this was worth. "You are a +rich man now," he said. The Dean's wife, because she felt +attracted by his ability and enthusiasm. Helene? Helene was silent +and frightened. He turned towards her and asked if she would come +with him in the boat to see it. She really must see how extensive +the bed was. + +"Yes, dear, go with him," said her father. + +Rafael wished to sit behind her in the boat and hastened towards +the bow; but, without a word, she passed him, sat down, and took +her oars; so, after all, he had to sit in front of her. + +They thus began at cross purposes. His back was towards her, he +saw how the water foamed under her oars, there was a secret +struggle, a tacit fear, which was heard in the few words which +they exchanged, and which merely increased their constraint. + +When they drew near to their destination they were flushed and +hot. Now he was obliged to turn round to look for the place of +landing. To begin with, they went slowly along the whole cement- +bed as far as it was visible. He was now turned so as to face her, +and he explained it all to her. She kept her eyes fixed on the +cliff, and only glanced at him, or did not look at him all. They +turned the boat again, in order to land at the place where he +intended the factory to stand. A portion of the rock would have to +be blasted to make room, the harbour too must be made safer so +that vessels might lie close in, and all this would cost money. + +He landed first in order to help her, but she jumped on shore +without his assistance; then they climbed upwards, he leading the +way, explaining everything as he went; she following with eyes and +ears intent. + +All for which, from her childhood, she had worked so hard at +Hellebergene, and all which she had dreamed of for the estate, had +become so little now. It would be many years before the trees +yielded any return. But here was promise of immediate prosperity +and future wealth if, as she never doubted, he proved to be +correct. She felt that this humbled her, made her of no account, +but ah! how great it made him seem! + +The rowing, the climbing, the excitement, gave animation to +Rafael's explanations; face and figure showed his state of +tension. She felt almost giddy: should she return to the boat and +row away alone? But she was too proud thus to betray herself. + +It seemed to her that there was the look of a conqueror in his +eyes; but she did not intend to be conquered. Neither did she wish +to appear as the one who had remained at home and speculated on +his return. That would be simply to turn all that was most +cherished, most unselfish in her life, against herself. Something +in him frightened her, something which, perhaps, he himself could +not master--his inward agitation. It was not boisterous or +terrifying; it was glowing, earnest zeal, which seemed to deprive +him of power and her of will, and this she would not endure. + +Hardly had they gained the summit from which they could look out +over the islands to the open sea, and across to Hellebergene, to +the parsonage, and the river flowing into the inner bay, than he +turned away from it all towards her, as she stood with heaving +breast, glowing cheeks, and eyes which dare not turn away from the +sea. + +"Helene," he whispered, approaching her; he wished to take her in +his arms. + +She trembled, although she did not turn round; the next moment she +sprang away from him, and did not pause till she had got down to +the boat, which she was about to push off, but bethought herself +that it would be too cowardly, so she remained standing and +watched him come after her. + +"Helene," he called from above, "why do you run away from me?" + +"Rafael, you must not," she answered when he rejoined her. The +strongest accent of both prayer and command of which a powerful +nature is capable sounded in her words. She in the boat, he on the +shore; they eyed one another like two antagonists, watchful and +breathing hard, till he loosed the boat, stepped in and pushed +off. + +She took her seat; but before doing the same he said: + +"You know quite well what I wanted to say to you." He spoke with +difficulty. + +She did not answer and got out her oars; her tears were ready to +flow. They rowed home again more slowly than they had come. + +A lark hovered over their heads. The note of a thrush was heard +away inland. A guillemot skimmed over the water in the same +direction as their own, and a tern on curved wing screamed in +their wake. There was a sense of expectation over all. The scent +of the young fir-trees and the heather was wafted out to them; +farther in lay the flowery meadows of Hellebergene. At a great +distance an eagle could be seen, high in air, winging his way from +the mountains, followed by a flock of screaming crows, who +imagined that they were chasing him. Rafael drew Helene's +attention to them. + +"Yes, look at them," she said; and these few words, spoken +naturally, helped to put both more at their ease. He looked round +at her and smiled, and she smiled back at him. He felt in the +seventh heaven of delight, but it must not be spoken. But the oars +seemed to repeat in measured cadence, "It--is--she. It--is--she. +It--is--she." He said to himself, Is not her resistance a thousand +times sweeter than-- + +"It is strange that the sea birds no longer breed on the islands +in here," he said. + +"That is because for a long time the birds have not been +protected; they have gone farther out." + +"They must be protected again: we must manage to bring the birds +back, must we not?" + +"Yes," she answered. + +He turned quickly towards her. Perhaps she should not have said +that, she thought, for had he not said "we"? + +To show how far she was from such a thought, she looked towards +the land. "The clover is not good this year." + +"No. What shall you do with the plot next year?" + +But she did not fall into the trap. He turned round, but she +looked away. + +Now the rush of the river tossed them up and down in a giddy +dance, as the force of the stream met the boat. Rafael looked up +to where they had walked together the first day. He turned to see +if she were not, by chance, looking in the same direction. Yes, +she was! + +They rowed on towards the landing-place at the parsonage, and he +spoke once or twice, but she had learned that that was dangerous. +They reached the beach. + +"Helene!" said he, as she jumped on shore with a good-bye in +passing, "Helene!" But she did not stay. "Helene!" he shouted, +with such meaning in it that she turned. + +She looked at him, but only remained for a moment. No more was +needed! He rowed home like the greatest conqueror that those +waters had ever seen. Ever since the Vikings had met together in +the innermost creek, and left behind them the barrow which is +still to be seen near the parsonage--yes, ever since the elk of +the primaeval forest, with mighty antlers, swam away from the doe +which he had won in combat, to the other which he heard on the +opposite shore. Since the first swarm of ants, like a waving fan, +danced up and down in the sunlight, on its one day of flight. +Since the first seals struggled against each other to reach the +one whom they saw lie sunning herself on the rocks. + +Fru Kaas had seen them pass as they rowed out at a furious pace. +She had seen them row slowly back, and she understood everything. +No sooner had the cement stone been found than-- + +She paced up and down; she wept. + +She did not put any dependence on his constancy; in any case it +was too early for Rafael to settle himself here: he had something +very different before him. The cement stone would not run away +from him, or the girl either, if there were anything serious in +it. She regarded his meeting with Helene as merely an obstacle in +the way, which barred his further progress. + +Rafael rowed towards home, bending to his oars till the water +foamed under the bow of his boat. Now he has landed; now he drags +the boat up as if she were an eel-pot. Now he strides quickly up +to the house. + +Frightened, despairing, his mother shrank into the farthest corner +of the sofa, with her feet drawn up under her, and, as he burst in +through the door and began to speak, she cried out: "Taisez-vous! +des egards, s'il vous plait." She stretched out her arms before +her as if for protection. But now he came, borne on the wings of +love and happiness. His future was there. + +He did what he had never done before: went straight up to her, +drew her arms down, embraced and kissed her, first on the +forehead, then on the cheeks, eyes, mouth, ears, neck, wherever he +could; all without a word. + +He was quite beside himself. + +"Mad boy," she gasped; "des egards, mais Rafael, donc!--Que--" And +she threw herself on his breast with her arms round his neck. + +"Now you will forsake me, Rafael," she said, crying. + +"Forsake you, mother! No one can unite the two wings like Helene." + +And now he began a panegyric on her, without measure, and +unconscious that he said the same thing over and over again. When +he became quieter, and she was permitted to breathe, she begged to +be alone: she was used to being alone. In the evening she came +down to him, and said that, first of all, they ought to go to +Christiania, and find an expert to examine the cement-bed and +learn what further should be done. Her cousin, the Government +Secretary, would be able to advise them, and some of her other +relations as well. Most of them were engineers and men of +business. He was reluctant to leave Hellebergene just now, he +said, she must understand that; besides, they had agreed not to go +away until the autumn. But she maintained that this was the surest +way to win Helene; only she begged that, with regard to her, +things should remain as they were till they had been to +Christiania. On this point she was inflexible, and it was so +arranged. + +As was their custom, they packed up at once. They drove over to +the parsonage that same evening to say good-bye. They were all +very merry there: on Fru Kaas's side because she was uneasy, and +wished to conceal the fact by an appearance of liveliness; on the +Dean's part because he really was in high spirits at the discovery +which promised prosperity both to Hellebergene and the district; +on his wife's because she suspected something. The most hearty +good wishes were therefore expressed for their journey. + +Rafael had availed himself of the general preoccupation to +exchange a few last words with Helene in a corner. He obtained a +half-promise from her that when he wrote she would answer; but he +was careful not to say that he had spoken to his mother. He felt +that Helene would be startled by a proceeding which came quite +naturally to him. + +As they drove away, he waved his hat as long as they remained in +sight. The waving was returned, first by all, but finally by only +one. + +The summer evening was light and warm, but not light enough, not +warm enough, not wide enough; there did not seem room enough in it +for him; it was not bright enough to reflect his happiness. He +could not sleep, yet he did not wish to talk; companionship or +solitude were alike distasteful to him. He thought seriously of +walking or rowing over to the parsonage again and knocking at the +window of Helene's room. He actually went down to the boathouse +and got out the boat. But perhaps it would frighten her, and +possibly injure his own cause. So he rowed out and out to the +farthest islands, and there he frightened the birds. At his +approach they rose: first a few, then many, then all protested in +a hideous chorus of wild screams. He was enveloped in an angry +crowd, a pandemonium of birds. But it did not ruffle his good +humour. "Wait a bit," he said to them. "Wait a bit, until the +islands at Hellebergene are 'protected,' and the whole estate as +well. Then you shall come and be happy with us. Good-bye till +then!" + + + + +CHAPTER 4 + + +He came to Christiania like a tall ship gay with flags. His love +was the music on board. + +His numerous relations were ready to receive him. Of these many +were engineers, who were a jour with all his writings, which they +had taken care should be well known. Some of the largest +mechanical undertakings in the country were in their hands, so +that they had connections in every direction. + +Once more the family had a genius in its midst; that is to say, +one to make a show with. Rafael went from entertainment to +entertainment, from presentation to presentation, and wherever he +or his mother went court was paid to them. + +In all this the ladies of the family were even more active than +their lords; and they had not been in the town many days before +every one knew that they were to be the rage. + +There are some people who always will hold aloof. They are as +irresponsive as a sooty kettle when you strike it. They are like +peevish children who say "I won't," or surly old dogs who growl at +every one. But HE was so exceedingly genial, a capital fellow with +the highest spirits. He had looks as well; he was six feet high; +and all those six feet were clothed in perfect taste. He had large +flashing eyes and a broad forehead. He was practised in making +clear to others all in which he was interested, and at such times +how handsome he looked! He was a thorough man of the world, able +to converse in several languages at the cosmopolitan dinners which +were a speciality of the Ravns. He was the owner of one of the few +extensive estates in Norway, and had the control, it was said, of +a considerable fortune besides. + +The half of this would have been enough to set all tongues +wagging; therefore, first the family, then their friends, then the +whole town feted him. He was a nine days' wonder! One must know +the critical, unimaginative natives of Christiania, who daily pick +each other to pieces to fill the void in their existences; one +must have admired their endless worrying of threadbare topics to +understand what it must be when they got hold of a fresh theme. + +Nothing which flies before the storm is more dangerous than desert +sand, nothing can surpass a Christiania FUROR. + +When it became known that two of his relations who were conversant +with the subject, together with a distinguished geologist and a +superintendent of mines, had been down to Hellebergene with +Rafael, and had found that his statements were well grounded, he +was captured and borne off in triumph twenty times a day. It was +trying work, but HE was always in the vein, and ready to take the +rough with the smooth. In all respects the young madcap was up to +the standard, so that day and night passed in a ceaseless whirl, +which left every one but himself breathless. The glorious month at +Hellebergene had done good. He was drawn into endless jovial +adventures, so strange, so audacious, that one would have staked +one's existence that such things were impossible in Christiania. +But great dryness begets thirst. He was in the humour of a boy who +has got possession of a jam-pot, whose mouth, nose, and hands are +all besmirched. It is thus that ladies like children best; then +they are the sweetest things in the world. + +Like a tall, full-grown mountain-ash covered by a flock of +starlings, he was the centre of a fluttering crowd. It only +remained for him to be deified, and this too came to pass. One day +he visited several factories, giving a hint here, another there +(he had great practical knowledge and a quick eye) and every hint +was of value. + +At last in a factory of something the same description as the one +in France where he had been the means of economising half the +motive power, he suggested a similar plan; he saw on the spot how +it could be effected. This became the subject of much +conversation. It grew and grew, it rose like the sea after days of +westerly gales. This new genius, but little over twenty, would +surely some day be the wonder of the country. It soon became the +fashion for every manufacturer to invite him to visit his factory, +and it was only after they were convinced that they had a god +among them that it became serious, for enthusiasm in a +manufacturer strikes every one. The ladies only waited for this +important moment to go at a bound from the lowest degree of sense +to the fifth degree of madness. Their eyes danced on him like +sunlight on polished metal. He himself paid little heed to degree +or temperature; he was too happy in his genial contentment, and +too indifferent as well. One thing which greatly helped to bring +him to the right pitch was the family temperament, for it was so +like his own. He was a Ravn through and through, with perhaps a +little grain of Kaas added. He was what they called pure Ravn, +quite unalloyed. He seemed to them to have come straight from the +fountain-head of their race, endowed with its primitive strength. +This strong physical attribute had perhaps made his abilities more +fertile, but the family claimed the abilities, too, as their own. + +Through Hans Ravn, Rafael had learned to value the companionship +of his relations; now he had it in perfection. For every word that +he said appreciative laughter was ready--it really sparkled round +him. When he disagreed with prevailing tastes, prejudices, and +morals, they disagreed too. When his precocious intelligence burst +upon them, they were always ready to applaud. They even met him +half-way--they could foresee the direction of his thoughts. As he +was young in years and disposition, and at the same time knew more +than most young people, he suited both old and young. Ah! how he +prospered in Norway! + +His mother went with him everywhere. Her life had at one time +appeared to her relations to be most objectless, but how much she +had made of it! They respected her persevering efforts to attain +the goal, and she became aware of this. In the most elegant +toilettes, with her discreet manner and distinguished deportment, +she was hurried from party to party, from excursion to excursion, +until it became too much for her. + +It went too far, too; her taste was offended by it; she grew +frightened. But the train of dissipation went on without her, like +a string of carriages which bore him along with it while she was +shaken off. Her eyes followed the cloud of dust far away, and the +roll of the wheels echoed back to her. + +Helene--how about Helene? Was she too out in the cold? Far from +it. Rafael was as certain that she was with him as that his gold +watch was next his heart. The very first day that he arrived he +wrote a letter to her. It was not long, he had not time for that, +but it was thoroughly characteristic. He received an answer at +once; the hostess of the pension brought it to him herself. He was +so immensely delighted that the lady, who was related to the Dean +and who had noticed the post mark, divined the whole affair--a +thing which amused him greatly. + +But Helene's letter was evasive; she evidently knew him too little +to dare to speak out. + +He never found time to draw the hostess into conversation on the +subject, however. He came home late, he got up late, and then +there were always friends waiting for him; so that he was not seen +in the pension again until he returned to dress for dinner, during +which time the carriage waited at the door, for he never got home +till the last moment. + +When could he write? It would soon all be done with, and then home +to Helene! + +The business respecting the cement detained him longer than he had +anticipated. His mother made complications; not that she opposed +the formation of a company, but she raised many difficulties: she +should certainly prefer to have the whole affair postponed. He had +no time to talk her round, besides, she irritated him. He told it +to the hostess. + +A curious being, this hostess, who directed the pension, the +business of the inmates, and a number of children, without +apparent effort. She was a widow; two of her children were nearly +twenty, but she looked scarcely thirty. Tall, dark, clever, with +eyes like glowing coals; decided, ready in conversation as in +business, like an officer long used to command, always trusted, +always obeyed; one yielded oneself involuntarily to her matter-of- +course way of arranging everything, and she was obliging, even +self-sacrificing, to those she liked--it was true that that was +not everybody. This absence of reserve was especially +characteristic of her, and was another reason why all relied on +her. She had long ago taken up Fru Kaas--entertained her first and +foremost. Angelika Nagel used in conversation modern Christiania +slang which is the latest development of the language. In the +choice of expressions, words such as hideous were applied to what +was the very opposite of hideous, such as "hideously amusing," +"hideously handsome." "Snapping" to anything that was liquid, as +"snapping good punch." One did not say "PRETTY" but "quite too +pretty" or "hugely pretty." On the other hand, one did not say +"bad" for anything serious, but with comical moderation "baddish." +Anything that there was much of went by miles; for instance, +"miles of virtue." This slipshod style of talk, which the idlers +of large towns affect, had just become the fashion in Christiania. +All this seemed new and characteristic to the careless emancipated +party which had arisen as a protest against the prudery which Fru +Kaas, in her time, had combated. The type therefore amused her:-- +she studied it. + +Angelika Nagel relieved her of all her business cares, which were +only play to her. It was the same thing with the question of the +cement undertaking. In an apparently careless manner she let drop +what had been said and done about it, which had its effect on Fru +Kaas. Soon things had progressed so far that it became necessary +to consult Rafael about it, and as he was difficult to catch, she +sat up for him at night. The first time that she opened the door +for him he was absolutely shy, and when he heard what she wanted +him for he was above measure grateful. The next time he kissed +her! She laughed and ran away without speaking to him--that was +all he got for his pains. But he had held her in his arms, and he +glowed with a suddenly awakened passion. + +She, in the meantime, kept out of his way, even during the day he +never saw her unless he sought her. But when he least expected it +she again met him at the door; there was something which she +really MUST say to him. There was a struggle, but at last she +twisted herself away from him and disappeared. He whispered after +her as loud as he dared, "Then I shall go away!" + +But while he was undressing she slipped into his room. + +The next day, before he was quite awake, the postman brought him +the warrant for a post-office order for fifteen thousand francs. +He thought that there must be a mistake in the name, or else that +it was a commission that had been entrusted to him. No! it was +from the French manufacturer whose working expenses he had reduced +so greatly. He permitted himself, he wrote, to send this as a +modest honorarium. He had not been able to do so sooner, but now +hoped that it would not end there. He awaited Rafael's +acknowledgment with great anxiety, as he was not sure of his +address. + +Rafael was up and dressed in a trice. He told his news to every +one, ran down to his mother and up again; but he had not been a +moment alone before the superabundance of happiness and sense of +victory frightened him. Now there must be an end of all this, now +he would go home. He had not had the slightest prickings of +conscience, the slightest longings, until now; all at once they +were uncontrollable. SHE stood upon the hilltop, pure and noble. +It became agonising. He must go at once, or it would drive him +mad. This anxiety was made less acute by the sight of his mother's +sincere pleasure. She came up to him when she heard that he had +shut himself into his room. They had a really comfortable talk +together--finally about the state of their finances. They lived in +the pension because they could no longer afford to live in an +hotel. The estate would bring nothing in until the timber once +more became profitable, and her capital was no longer intact-- +notwithstanding the prohibition. Now she was ready to let him +arrange about the cement company. On this he went out into the +town, where his court soon gathered round him. + +But the large sum of money which was required could not be raised +in a day, so the affair dragged on. He grew impatient, he must and +would go; and finally his mother induced her cousin, the +Government Secretary, to form the company, and they prepared to +leave. They paid farewell visits to some of their friends, and +sent cards and messages of thanks to the rest. Everything was +ready, the very day had come, when Rafael, before he was up, +received a letter from the Dean. + +An anonymous letter from Christiania, he wrote, had drawn his +attention to Rafael's manner of life there, and he had in +consequence obtained further information, the result being that he +was, that day, sending his daughter abroad. There was nothing more +in the letter. But Rafael could guess what had passed between +father and daughter. + +He dressed himself and rushed down to his mother. His indignation +against the rascally creatures who had ruined his and Helene's +future--"Who could it have been?"--was equalled by his despair. +She was the only one he cared for; all the others might go to the +deuce. He felt angry, too, that the Dean, or any one else, should +have dared to treat him in this way, to dismiss him like a +servant, not to speak to him, not to put him in a position to +speak for himself. + +His mother had read the letter calmly, and now she listened to him +calmly, and when he became still more furious she burst out +laughing. It was not their habit to settle their differences by +words; but this time it flashed into his mind that she had not +persuaded him to come here merely on account of the cement, but in +order to separate him from Helene, and this he said to her. + +"Yes," he added, "now it will be just the same with me as it was +with my father, and it will be your fault this time as well." With +this he went out. + +Fru Kaas left Christiania shortly afterwards, and he left the same +evening--for France. + +From France he wrote the most pressing letter to the Dean, begging +him to allow Helene to return home, so that they could be married +at once. Whatever the Dean had heard about his life in Christiania +had nothing to do with the feelings which he nourished for Helene. +She, and she alone, had the power to bind him; he would remain +hers for life. + +The Dean did not answer him. + +A month later he wrote again, acknowledging this time that he had +behaved foolishly. He had been merely thoughtless. He had been led +on by other things. The details were deceptive, but he swore that +this should be the end of it all. He would show that he deserved +to be trusted; nay, he HAD shown it ever since he left +Christiania. He begged the Dean to be magnanimous. This was +practically exile for him, for he could not return to Hellebergene +without Helene. Everything which he loved there had become +consecrated by her presence; every project which he had formed +they had planned together; in fact, his whole future--He fretted +and pined till he found it impossible to work as seriously as he +wished to do. + +This time he received an answer--a brief one. + +The Dean wrote that only a lengthened probation could convince +them of the sincerity of his purpose. + +So it was not to be home, then, and not work; at all events, not +work of any value. He knew his mother too well to doubt that now +the cement business was shelved, whether the company were formed +or not--he was only too sure of that. + +He had written to his mother, begging earnestly to be forgiven for +what he had said. She must know that it was only the heat of the +moment. She must know how fond he was of her, and how unhappy he +felt at being in discord with her on the subject which was, and +always would be, most dear to him. + +She answered him prettily and at some length, without a word about +what had happened or about Helene. She gave him a great deal of +news, among other things what the Dean intended to do about the +estate. + +From this he concluded that she was on the same terms with the +Dean as before. Perhaps his latest reasons for deferring the +affair was precisely this: that he saw that Fru Kaas did not +interest herself for it. + +It wore on towards the autumn. All this uncertainty made him feel +lonely, and his thoughts turned towards his friends at +Christiania. He wrote to tell them that he intended to make +towards home. He meant, however, to remain a little time at +Copenhagen. + +At Copenhagen he met Angelika Nagel again. She was in company with +two of his student friends. She was in the highest spirits, +glowing with health and beauty, and with that jaunty assurance +which turns the heads of young men. + +He had, during all this time, banished the subject of his intrigue +from his mind, and he came there without the least intention of +renewing it; but now, for the first time in his life, he became +jealous! + +It was quite a novel feeling, and he was not prepared to resist +it. He grew jealous if he so much as saw her in company with +either of the young men. She had a hearty outspoken manner, which +rekindled his former passion. + +Now a new phase of his life began, divided between furious +jealousy and passionate devotion. This led, after her departure, +to an interchange of letters, which ended in his following her to +Christiania. + +On board the steamer he overheard a conversation between the +steward and stewardess. "She sat up for him of nights till she got +what she wanted, and now she has got hold of him." + +It was possible that this conversation did not concern him, but it +was equally possible that the woman might have been in the +pension at Christiania. He did not know her. + +It is strange that in all such intrigues as his with Angelika the +persons concerned are always convinced that they are invisible. He +believed that, up to this time, no human being had known anything +about it. The merest suspicion that this was not the case made it +altogether loathsome. + +The pension--Angelika--the letters. He would be hanged if he +would go on with it for any earthly inducement. Had Angelika +angled for him and landed him like a stupid fat fish? He had been +absolutely unsuspicious. The whole affair had been without +importance, until they met again at Copenhagen. Perhaps THAT, too, +had been a deep-laid plan. + +Nothing can more wound a man's vanity than to find that, believing +himself a victor, he is in truth a captive. + +Rafael paced the deck half the night, and when he reached +Christiania went to an hotel, intending to go home the next day to +Hellebergene, come what would. This and everything of the kind +must end for ever: it simply led straight to the devil. When once +he was at home, and could find out where Helene was, the rest +would soon be settled. + +From the hotel he went up to Angelika Nagel's pension to say that +some luggage which was there was to be sent down to the hotel at +once--he was leaving that afternoon. + +He had dined and gone up to his room to pack, when Angelika stood +before him. She was at once so pretty and so sad-looking that he +had never seen anything more pathetic. + +Had he really kept away from her house? Was he going at once? + +She wept so despairingly that he, who was prepared for anything +rather than to see her so inconsolable, answered her evasively. + +Their relations, he said, had had no more significance than a +chance meeting. This they both understood; therefore she must +realise that, sooner or later, it must end. And now the time was +come. + +Indeed, it had more significance, she said. There had never been +any one to whom she had been so much attached; this she had proved +to him. Now she had come here to tell him that she was enceinte. +She was in as great despair about it as any one could be. It was +ruin for herself and her children. She had never contemplated +anything so frightful, but her mad love had carried her away; so +now she was where she deserved to be. + +Rafael did not answer, for he could not collect his thoughts. She +sat at a table, her face buried in her hands, but his eye fell on +her strong arms in the close-fitting sleeves, her little foot +thrust from beneath her dress; he saw how her whole frame was +shaken by sobs. Nevertheless, what first made him collect his +thoughts was not sympathy with her who was here before him; it was +the thought of Helene, of the Dean, of his mother: what would THEY +say? + +As though she were conscious whither his thoughts had flown, she +raised her head. "Will you really go away from me?" What despair +was in her face! The strong woman was weaker than a child. + +He stood erect before her, beside his open trunk. He, too, was +absolutely miserable. + +"What good will it do for me to stay here?" he asked gently. + +Her eyes fixed themselves on him, dilating, becoming clearer every +moment. Her mouth grew scornful. She seemed to grow taller every +moment. + +"You will marry me if you are an honourable man!" + +"Marry--you?" he exclaimed, first startled, then disdainful. An +evil expression came into her eyes; she thrust her head forward; +the whole woman collected herself for the attack like a tiger-cat, +but it ended with a violent blow on the table. + +"Yes you SHALL, devil take me!" she whispered. + +She rushed past him to the window. What was she going to do? + +She opened it, screamed out he could not clearly hear what, leant +far out, and screamed again; then closed it, and turned towards +him, threatening, triumphant. He was as white as a sheet, not +because he was frightened or dreaded her threats, but because he +recognised in her a mortal enemy. He braced himself for the +struggle. + +She saw this at once. She was conscious of his strength before he +had made a movement. There was that in his eye, in his whole +demeanour, which SHE would never be able to overcome: a look of +determination which one would not willingly contest. If he had not +understood her till now, he had equally revealed himself to her. + +All the more wildly did she love him. He rejoiced that he had +taken no notice of what she had done, but turned to put the last +things into his trunk and fasten it. Then she came close up to +him, in more complete contrition, penitence, and wretchedness than +he had ever seen in life or art. Her face stiffened with terror, +her eyes fixed, her whole frame rigid, only her tears flowed +quietly, without a sob. She must and would have him. She seemed to +draw him to herself as into a vortex: her love had become the +necessity of her life, its utterances the wild cry of despair. + +He understood it now. But he put the things into his trunk and +fastened it, took a few steps about the room, as if he were alone, +with such an expression of face that she herself saw that the +thing was impossible. + +"Do you not believe," she said quietly, "that I would relieve you +of all cares, so that you could go on with your own work? Have you +not seen that I can manage your mother?" She paused a moment, then +added: "Hellebergene--I know the place. The Dean is a relation of +mine. I have been there; that would be something that I could take +charge of; do you not think so? And the cement quarries," she +added; "I have a turn for business: it should be no trouble to +you." She said this in an undertone. She had a slight lisp, which +gave her an air of helplessness. "Don't go away, to-day, at any +rate. Think it over," she added, weeping bitterly again. + +He felt that he ought to comfort her. + +She came towards him, and throwing her arms round him, she clung +to him in her despair and eagerness. "Don't go, don't go!" She +felt that he was yielding. "Never," she whispered, "since I have +been a widow have I given myself to any one but you; and so judge +for yourself." She laid her head on his shoulder and sobbed +bitterly. + +"It has come upon me so suddenly," he said; "I cannot--" + +"Then take time," she interrupted in a whisper, and took a hasty +kiss. "Oh, Rafael!" She twined her arms round him: her touch +thrilled through him-- + +Some one knocked at the door: they started away from each other. +It was the man who had come for the luggage. Rafael flushed +crimson. "I shall not go till to-morrow," he said. + +When the man had left the room Angelika sprang towards Rafael. She +thanked and kissed him. Oh, how she beamed with delight and +exultation! She was like a girl of twenty, or rather like a young +man, for there was something masculine in her manner as she left +him. + +But the light and fire were no sooner withdrawn than his spirits +fell. A little later he lay at full length on the sofa, as though +in a grave. He felt as though he could never get up from it again. +What was his life now? For there is a dream in every life which is +its soul, and when the dream is gone the life appears a corpse. + +This, then, was the fulfilment of his forebodings. Hither the +ravens had followed the wild beast which dwelt in him. It would on +longer play and amuse him, but strike its claws into him in +earnest, overthrow him, and lap his fresh-spilt blood. + +But it was none the less certain that if he left her she would be +ruined, she and her child. Then no one would consider him as an +honourable man, least of all himself. + +During his last sojourn in France, when he could not settle down +to a great work which was constantly dawning before him, he had +thought to himself--You have taken life too lightly. Nothing great +ever comes to him who does so. + +Now, perhaps, when he did his duty here; took upon himself the +burden of his fault towards her, himself, and others--and bore it +like a man; then perhaps he would be able to utilise all his +powers. That was what his mother had done, and she had succeeded. + +But with the thought of his mother came the thought of Helene, of +his dream. It was flying from him like a bird of passage from the +autumn. He lay there and felt as though he could never get up +again. + +From amid the turmoil of the last summer there came to his +recollection two individuals, in whom he reposed entire +confidence: a young man and his wife. He went to see them the same +evening and laid the facts honestly before them, for now, at all +events, he was honest. The conclusive proof of being so is to be +able to tell everything about oneself as he did now. + +They heard him with dismay, but their advice was remarkable. He +ought to wait and see if she were enceinte. + +This aroused his spirit of contradiction. There was no doubt about +it, for she was perfectly truthful. But she might be mistaken; she +ought to make quite sure. This suggestion, too, shocked him; but +he agreed that she should come and talk things over with them. +They knew her. + +She came the next day. They said to her, what they could not very +well say to Rafael, that she would ruin him. The wife especially +did not spare her. A highly gifted young man like Rafael Kaas, +with such excellent prospects in every way, must not, when little +more than twenty, burden himself with a middle-aged wife and a +number of children. He was far from rich, he had told her so +himself; his life would be that of a beast of burden, and that +too, before he had learned to bear the yoke. If he had to work, to +feed so many people, he might strain himself to the uttermost, he +would still remain mediocre. They would both suffer under this, be +disappointed and discontented. He must not pay so heavy a price +for an indiscretion for which she was ten times more to blame than +he. What did she imagine people would say? He who was so popular, +so sought after. They would fall upon her like rooks at a rooks' +parliament and pick her to pieces. They would, without exception, +believe the worst. + +The husband asked her if she were quite sure that she was +enceinte: she ought to make quite certain. + +Angelika Nazel reddened, and answered, half scornful, half +laughing, that she ought to know. + +"Yes," he retorted, "many people have said that--who were +mistaken. If it is understood that you are to be married on +account of your condition, and it should afterwards turn out that +you were mistaken, what do you suppose that people will say? for +of course it will get about." + +She reddened again and sprang to her feet. "They can say what they +please." After a pause she added: "But God knows I do not wish to +make him unhappy." + +To conceal her emotion she turned away from them, but the wife +would not give up. She suggested that Angelika should write to +Rafael without further delay, to set him free and let him return +home to his mother; there they would be able to arrange matters. +Angelika was so capable that she could earn a living anywhere. +Rafael too ought to help her. + +"I shall write to his mother," Angelika said. "She shall know all +about it, so that she may understand for what he is responsible." + +This they thought reasonable, and Angelika sat down and wrote. She +frequently showed agitation, but she went on quickly, steadily, +sheet after sheet. Just then came a ring--a messenger with a +letter. The maid brought it in. Her mistress was about to take it, +but it was not for her; it was for Angelika--they both recognised +Rafael's careless handwriting. + +Angelika opened it--grew crimson; for he wrote that the result of +his most serious considerations was, that neither she nor her +children should be injured by him. He was an honourable man who +would bear his own responsibilities, not let others be burdened by +them. + +Angelika handed the letter to her friend, then tore up the one +which she had been writing, and left the house. + +Her friend stood thinking to herself--The good that is in us must +go bail for the evil, so we must rest and be satisfied. + +The discovery which she had made had often been made before, but +it was none the less true. + + + + +CHAPTER 5 + + +The next day they were married. That night, long after his wife +had fallen into her usual healthy sleep, Rafael thought +sorrowfully of his lost Paradise. HE could not sleep. As he lay +there he seemed to look out over a meadow, which had no +springtime, and therefore no flowers. He retraced the events of +the past day. His would be a marred life which had never known the +sweet joys of courtship. + +Angelika did not share his beliefs. She was a stern realist, a +sneering sceptic, in the most literal sense a cynic. + +Her even breathing, her regular features, seemed to answer him. +"Hey-dey, my boy, we shall be merry for a thousand years! Better +sleep now, you will need sleep if you mean to try which of us is +the stronger." + +The next day their marriage was the marvel of the town and +neighbourhood. + +"Just like his mother!" people exclaimed; "what promise there was +in her! She might have chosen so as to have been now in one of the +best positions in the country--when, lo and behold! she went and +made the most idiotic marriage. The most idiotic? No, the son's is +more idiotic still." And so on and so forth. + +Most people seem naturally impelled to exalt the hero of the hour +higher than they themselves intend, and when a reaction comes, to +decry him in an equal degree. Few people see with their own eyes, +and on special occasions even magnifying or diminishing glasses +are called into play with most amusing results. + +"Rafael Kaas a handsome fellow?--well, yes, but too big, too fair, +no repose, altogether too restless. Rich? He? He has not a stiver! +The savings eaten up long ago, nothing coming in, they have been +encroaching on their capital for some time; and the beds of cement +stone--who the deuce would join with him in any large undertaking? +They talk about his gifts, his genius even; but IS he very highly +gifted? Is it anything more than what he has acquired? The saving +of motive power at the factory? Was that anything more than a mere +repetition of what he had done before?--and that, of course, only +what he had seen elsewhere." + +Just the same with the hints which he had given. "Merely close +personal observation; for it must be admitted that he had more of +that than most people; but as for ingenuity! Well, he could make +out a good case for himself, but that was about the extent of his +ingenuity." + +"His earlier articles, as well as those which had recently +appeared on the use of electricity in baking and tanning--could +you call those discoveries? Let us see what he will invent now +that he has come home, and cannot get ideas from reading and from +seeing people." + +Rafael noticed this change--first among the ladies, who all seemed +to have been suddenly blown away, with a few exceptions, who did +not respect a marriage like his, and who would not give in. + +His relations, also, held somewhat aloof. "It was not thus that he +showed himself a true Ravn. He was so in temperament and +disposition, perhaps, but it was just his defect that he was only +a half-breed." + +The change of front was complete: he noticed it on all hands. But +he was man enough, and had sufficient obstinacy as well, to let +himself be urged on by this to hard work, and in his wife there +was still more of the same feeling. + +He had a sense of elevation in having done his duty, and as long +as this tension lasted it kept him up to the mark. On the day of +his marriage (from early in the morning until the time when the +ceremony took place) he employed himself in writing to his mother; +a wonderful, a solemn letter in the sight of the All-Knowing,--the +cry of a tortured soul in utmost peril. + +It depended on his mother whether she would receive them and let +their life become all that was now possible. Angelika--their +business, manager, housekeeper, chief. He--devoted to his +experiments. She--the tender mother, the guide of both. + +It seemed to him that their future depended on this letter and the +answer to it, and he wrote in that spirit. Never had he so fully +depicted himself, so fully searched his own heart. + +It was the outcome of what he had lived through during these last +few days, the mellowing influence of his struggles during the +night watches. Nothing could have been more candid. + +He was pained that he did not receive an answer at once, although +he realised what a blow it would be to her. He understood that, to +begin with, it would destroy all her dreams, as it had already +destroyed. But he relied on her optimistic nature, which he had +never known surpassed, and on the depth of her purpose in all that +she undertook. He knew that she drew strength and resolution from +all that was deepest in their common life. + +Therefore he gave her time, notwithstanding Angelika's +restlessness, which could hardly be controlled. She even began to +sneer; but there was something holy in his anticipation: her words +fell unheeded. + +When on the third day he had received no letter, he telegraphed, +merely these words: "Mother, send me an answer." The wires had +never carried anything more fraught with unspoken grief. + +He could not return home. He remained alone outside the town until +the evening, by which time the answer might well have arrived. It +was there. + +"My beloved son, YOU are always welcome; most of all when you are +unhappy!" The word YOU was underlined. He grew deadly pale, and +went slowly into his own room. There Angelika let him remain for a +while in peace, then came in and lit the lamp. He could see that +she was much agitated, and that every now and then she cast hasty +glances at him. + +"Do you know what, Rafael? you ought simply to go straight to your +mother. It is too bad, both on account of our future and hers. We +shall be ruined by gossip and trash." + +He was too unhappy to be contemptuous. She had no respect for +anybody or anything, he thought; why, then, should he be angry +because she felt none, either for his mother or for his position +in regard to her? But how vulgar Angelika seemed to him, as she +bent over a troublesome lamp and let her impatience break out! Her +mouth but too easily acquired a coarse expression. Her small head +would rear itself above her broad shoulders with a snake-like +expression, and her thick wrist-- + +"Well," she said, "when all is said and done, that disgusting +Hellebergene is not worth making a fuss over." + +Now she is annoyed with herself, he thought, and must have her +say. She will not rest until she has picked a quarrel; but she +shall not have that satisfaction. + +"After all that has been said and all that has happened there--" + +But this, too, missed fire. "How could I have supposed that she +could manage my mother?" He got up and paced the room. "Is that +what mother felt? Yet they were such good friends. I suspected +nothing then. How is it that mother's instinct is always more +delicate? have I blunted mine?" + +When, a little later, Angelika came in again, he looked so unhappy +that she was struck by it, and she then showed herself so kind and +fertile in resource on his behalf, and there was such sunshine in +her cheerfulness and flow of spirits during the evening, that he +actually brightened up under it, and thought--If mother could have +brought herself to try the experiment, perhaps after all it might +have answered. There is so much that is good and capable in this +curious creature. + +He went to the children. From the first day he and they had taken +to each other. They had been unhappy in the great pension, with a +mother who seldom came near them or took any notice of them, +except as clothes to be patched, mouths to feed, or faults to be +punished. + +Rafael had in his nature the unconventionality which delights in +children's confidence, and he felt a desire to love and to be +loved. Children are quick to feel this. + +They only wasted Angelika's time. They were in her way now more +than ever; for it may be said at once that, Rafael had become +EVERYTHING to her. This was the fascination in her, and whatever +happened, it never lost its power. Her tenderness, her devotion, +were boundless. By the aid of her personal charm, her resourceful +ingenuity, she obtained every advantage for him within her range, +and even beyond it. It was felt in her devotion by night and day, +when anything was to be done, in an untiring zeal such as only so +strong and healthy a woman could have had in her power to render. +But in words it did not show itself, hardly even in looks: except, +perhaps, while she fought to win him, but never since then. + +Had she been able to adhere to one line of conduct, if only for a +few weeks at a time, and let herself be guided by her never- +failing love, he would, in this stimulating atmosphere, have made +of his married life what his mother, in spite of all, had made of +hers. + +Why did not this happen? Because the jealousy which she had +aroused in him and which had drawn him to her again was now +reversed. + +They were hardly married before it was she who was jealous! Was it +strange? A middle-aged woman, even though she be endowed with the +strongest personality and the widest sympathy, when she wins a +young husband who is the fashion--wins him as Angelika won hers-- +begins to live in perpetual disquietude lest any one should take +him from her. Had she not taken him herself? + +If we were to say that she was jealous of every human being who +came there, man or woman, old or young, beside those whom he met +elsewhere, it would be an exaggeration, but this exaggeration +throws a strong light upon the state of things, which actually +existed. + +If he became at all interested in conversation with any one, she +always interrupted. Her face grew hard, her right foot began to +move; and if this did not suffice, she struck in with sulky or +provoking remarks, no matter who was there. + +If something were said in praise of any one, and it seemed to +excite his interest, she would pooh-pooh it, literally with a +"pooh!" a shrug of the shoulders, a toss of the head, or an +impatient tap of the foot. + +At first he imagined that she really knew something +disadvantageous about all those whom she thus disparaged, and he +was filled with admiration at her acquaintance with half Norway. +He believed in her veracity as he believed in few things. He +believed, too, that it was unbounded like so many of her +qualities. She said the most cynical things in the plainest manner +without apparent design. + +But little by little it dawned upon him that she said precisely +what it pleased her to say, according to the humour that she was +in. + +One day, as they were going to table--he had come in late and was +hungry--he was delighted to see that there were oysters. + +"Oysters! at this time of the year," he cried. "They must be very +expensive." + +"Pooh! that was the old woman, you know. She persuaded me to take +them for you. I got them for next to nothing." + +"That was odd; you have been out, then, too?" + +"Yes, and I saw YOU; you were walking with Emma Ravn." + +He understood at once, by the tone of her voice, that this was not +permitted, but all the same he said, "Yes; how sweet she is! so +fresh and candid." + +"She! Why, she had a child before she was married." + +"Emma? Emma Ravn?" + +"Yes! But I do not know who by." + +"Do you know, Angelika, I do not believe that," he said solemnly. + +"You can do as you please about that, but she was at the pension +at the time, so you can judge for yourself if I am right." + +He could not believe that any human being could so belie +themselves. Emma's eyes, clear as water in a fountain where one +can count the pebbles at the bottom, rose to his mind, in all +their innocence. He could not believe that such eyes could lie. He +grew livid, he could not eat, he left the table. The world was +nothing but a delusion, the purest was impure. + +For a long time after this, whenever he met Emma or her white- +haired mother, he turned aside, so as not to come face to face +with them. + +He had clung to his relations: their weak points were apparent to +every one, but their ability and honesty no less so. This one +story destroyed his confidence, impaired his self-reliance, +shattered his belief, and thus made him the poorer. How could he +be fit for anything, when he so constantly allowed himself to be +befooled? + +There was not one word of truth in the whole story. + +His simple confidence was held in her grasp, like a child in the +talons of an eagle; but this did not last much longer. + +Fortunately, she was without calculation or perseverance. She did +not remember one day what she had said the day before; for each +day she coolly asserted whatever was demanded by the necessity of +the moment. He, on the contrary, had an excellent memory; and his +mathematical mind ranged the evidence powerfully against her. Her +gifts were more aptness and quickness than anything else, they +were without training, without cohesion, and permeated with +passion at all points. Therefore he could, at any moment, crush +her defence; but whenever this happened, it was so evident that +she had been actuated by jealousy that it flattered his vanity; +which was the reason why he did not regard it seriously enough-- +did not pursue his advantage. Perhaps if he had done so, he would +have discovered more, for this jealousy was merely the form which +her uneasiness took. This uneasiness arose from several causes. + +The fact was that she had a past and she had debts which she had +denied, and now she lived in perpetual dread lest any one should +enlighten him. If any one got on the scent, she felt sure that +this would be used against her. It merely depended on what he +learned--in other words, with whom he associated. + +She could disregard anonymous letters because he did so, but there +were plenty of disagreeable people who might make innuendoes. + +She saw that Rafael too, to some extent, avoided his countless +friends of old days. She did not understand the reason, but it was +this: that he, as well, felt that they knew more of her than it +was expedient for HIM to know. She saw that he made ingenious +excuses for not being seen out with her. This, too, she +misconstrued. She did not at all understand that he, in his way, +was quite as frightened as she was of what people might say. She +believed that he sought the society of others rather than hers. If +nothing more came of such intercourse, stories might be told. This +was the reason for her slanders about almost every one he spoke +to. If they had vilified her, they must be vilified in return. + +She had debts, and this could not be concealed unless she +increased them; this she did with a boldness worthy of a better +cause. The house was kept on an extravagant scale, with an +excellent table and great hospitality. Otherwise he would not be +comfortable at home, she said and believed. + +She herself vied with the most fashionably dressed ladies in the +town. Her daily struggle to maintain her hold on him demanded +this. It followed, of course, that she got everything for +"nothing" or "the greatest bargain in the world." There was always +some one "who almost gave it" to her. He did not know himself how +much money he spent, perhaps, because she hunted and drove him +from one thing to another. + +Originally he had thought of going abroad; but with a wife who +knew no foreign languages, with a large family-- + +Here at home, as he soon discovered, every one had lost confidence +in him. He dared not take up anything important, or else he wished +to wait a little before he came to any definite determination. In +the meantime, he did whatever came to hand, and that was often +work of a subordinate description. Both from weariness, and from +the necessity to earn a living, he ended by doing only mediocre +work, and let things drift. + +He always gave out that this was only "provisional." His +scientific gifts, his inventive genius, with so many pounds on his +back, did not rise high, but they should yet! He had youth's +lavish estimate of time and strength, and therefore did not see, +for a long time, that the large family, the large house were +weighing him farther and farther down. If only he could have a +little peace, he thought, he would carry out his present ideas and +new ones also. He felt such power within him. + +But peace was just what he never had. Now we come to the worst, or +more properly, to the sum of what has gone before. The ceaseless +uneasiness in which Angelika lived broke out into perpetual +quarrelling. For one thing, she had no self-command. A caprice, a +mistake, an anxiety over-ruled everything. She seized the smallest +opportunities. Again--and this was a most important factor--there +was her overpowering anxiety to keep possession of him; this drew +her away from what she should have paid most heed to, in order to +let him have peace. She continued her lavish housekeeping, she let +the children drift, she concentrated all her powers on him. Her +jealousy, her fears, her debts, sapped his fertile mind, destroyed +his good humour, laid desolate his love of the beautiful and his +creative power. + +He had in particular one great project, which he had often, but +ineffectually, attempted to mature. The effort to do so had begun +seriously one day on the heights above Hellebergene, and had +continued the whole summer. Curiously enough, one morning, as he +sat at some most wearisome work, Hellebergene and Helene, in the +spring sunshine, rose before him, and with them his project, lofty +and smiling, came to him again. Then he begged for a little peace +in the house. + +"Let me be quiet, if only for a month," he said. "Here is some +money. I have got an idea; I must and will have quiet. In a +month's time I shall have got on so far that perhaps I shall be +able to judge if it is worth continuing. It may be that this one +idea may entirely support us." + +This was something which she could understand, and now he was able +to be quiet. + +He had an office in the town, but sometimes took his papers home +with him in the evenings, for it often happened that something +would occur to him at one moment or another. She bestowed every +care on him; she even sat on the stairs while he was asleep at +midday, to prevent him from being disturbed. + +This went on for a fortnight. Then it so chanced that, when he had +gone out for a walk, she rummaged among his papers, and there, +among drawings, calculations, and letters, she actually, for once +in a way, found something. It was in his handwriting and as +follows: + +"More of the mother than the lover in her; more of the solicitude +of love than of its enjoyment. Rich in her affection, she would +not squander it in one day with you, but, mother-like, would +distribute it throughout your life. Instead of the whirl of the +rapids, a placid stream. Her love was devotion, never absorption. +YOU were one and SHE was one. Together we should have been more +powerful than two lovers are wont to be." + +There was more of this, but Angelika could not read further, she +became so furious. Were these his own thoughts, or had he merely +copied them? There were no corrections, so most likely it was a +copy. In any case it showed where his thoughts were. + +Rafael came quietly home, went straight to his room and lighted a +candle, even before he took off his overcoat. As he stood he wrote +down a few formulae, then seized a book, sat down astride of a +chair, and made a rapid calculation. Just then Angelika came in, +leaned forward towards him, and said in a low voice: + +"You are a nice fellow! Now I know what you have in hand. Look +there: your secret thoughts are with that beast." + +"Beast!" he repeated. His anger at being disturbed, at her having +found this particular paper, and now the abuse from her coarse +lips of the most delicate creature he had ever known, and, above +all, the absolute unexpectedness of the attack, made him lose his +head. + +"How dare you? What do you mean?" + +"Don't be a fool. Do you suppose that I don't guess that that is +meant for the girl who looked after your estate in order to catch +you?" + +She saw that this hit the mark, so she went still further. + +"She, the model of virtue! why, when she was a mere girl, she +disgraced herself with an old man." + +As she spoke she was seized by the throat and flung backwards on +to the sofa, without the grasp being relaxed. She was breathless, +she saw his face over her; deadly rage was in it. A strength, a +wildness of which she had no conception, gazed upon her in sensual +delight at being able to strangle her. + +After a wild struggle her arms sank down powerless, her will with +them; only her eyes remained wide open, in terror and wonderment. + +Dare he? "Yes, he dare!" Her eyes grew dim, her limbs began to +tremble. + +"You have taken MY apple, I tell you," was heard in a childish +voice from the next room, a soft lisping voice. + +It came from the most peaceful innocence in the world! It saved +her! + +He rushed out again; but even when the rage had left him which had +seized upon him and dominated him as a rider does a horse, he was +still not horrified at himself. His satisfaction at having at +length made his power felt was too great for that. + +But by degrees there came a revulsion. Suppose he had killed her, +and had to go into penal servitude for the rest of his life for +it! Had such a possibility come into his life? Might it happen in +the future? No! no! no! How strange that Angelika should have +wounded him! How frightful her state of mind must be when she +could think so odiously of absolutely innocent people; and how +angry she must have been to behave in such a way towards him, whom +she loved above all others, indeed, as the only one for whom she +had to live! + +A long, long sum followed: his faults, her faults, and the faults +of others. He cooled down and began to feel more like himself. + +In an hour or two he was fit to go home, to find her on her bed, +dissolved in tears, prepared at once to throw her arms round his +neck. + +He asked pardon a hundred times, with words, kisses, and caresses. + +But with this scene his invention had fled. The spell was broken. +It never did more than flutter before him, tempting him to pursue +it once more; but he turned away from the whole subject and began +to work for money again. Something offered itself just at that +moment which Angelika had hunted up. + +Back to the unending toil again. Now at last it became an +irritation to him: he chafed as the war horse chafes at being made +a beast of burden. + +This made the scenes at home still worse. Since that episode their +quarrels knew no bounds. Words were no longer necessary to bring +them about: a gesture, a look, a remark of his unanswered, was +enough to arouse the most violent scenes. Hitherto they had been +restrained by the presence of others, but now it was the same +whether they were alone or not. Very soon, as far as brutality of +expression or the triviality of the question was concerned, he was +as bad or worse than she. + +His idle fancy and creative genius found no other vent, but +overthrew and trampled underfoot many of life's most beautiful +gifts. Thus he squandered much of the happiness which such talents +can duly give. Sometimes his daily regrets and sufferings, +sometimes his passionate nature, were in the ascendant, but the +cause of his despair was always the same--that this could have +happened to him. Should he leave her? He would not thus escape. +The state of the case had touched his conscience at first, later +he had become fond of the children, and his mother's example said +to him, "Hold out, hold out!" + +The unanimous prediction that this marriage would be dissolved as +quickly as it had been made he would prove to be untrue. Besides, +he knew Angelika too well now not to know that he would never +obtain a separation from her until, with the law at her back, she +had flayed him alive. He could not get free. + +From the first it had been a question of honour and duty; honour +and duty on account of the child which was to come--and which did +not come. Here he had a serious grievance against her; but yet, in +the midst of the tragedy, he could not but be amused at the skill +with which she turned his own gallantries against him. At last he +dared not mention the subject, for he only heard in return about +his gay bachelor life. + +The longer this state of things lasted and the more it became +known, the more incomprehensible it became to most people that +they did not separate--to himself, too, at times, during sleepless +nights. But it is sometimes the case that he, who makes a thousand +small revolts, cannot brace himself to one great one. The endless +strife itself strengthens the bonds, in that it saps the strength. + +He deteriorated. This married life, wearing in every way, together +with the hard work, resulted in his not being equal to more than +just the necessities of the day. His initiative and will became +proportionately deadened. + +A strange stagnation developed itself: he had hallucinations, +visions; he saw himself in them--his father! his mother! all the +pictures were of a menacing description. + +At night he dreamed the most frightful things: his unbridled +fancy, his unoccupied creative power, took revenge, and all this +weakened him. He looked with admiration at his wife's robust +health: she had the physique of a wild beast. But at times their +quarrels, their reconciliations, brought revelations with them: he +could perceive her sorrows as well. She did not complain, she did +not say a word, she could not do so; but at times she wept and +gave way as only the most despairing can. Her nature was powerful, +and the struggle of her love beyond belief. The beauty of the +fulness of life was there, even when she was most repulsive. The +wild creature, wrestling with her destiny, often gave forth tragic +gleams of light. + +One day his relation, the Government Secretary, met him. They +usually avoided each other, but to-day he stopped. + +"Ah, Rafael," said the dapper little man nervously, "I was coming +to see you." + +"My dear fellow, what is it?" + +"Ah, I see that you guess; it is a letter from your mother." + +"From my mother?" + +During all the time since her telegram they had not exchanged a +word. + +"A very long letter, but she makes a condition." + +"Hum, hum! a condition?" + +"Yes, but do not be angry; it is not a hard one: it is only that +you are to go away from the town, wherever you like, so long as +you can be quiet, and then you are to read it." + +"You know the contents?" + +"I know the contents, I will go bail for it." + +What he meant, or why he was so perturbed by it, Rafael did not +understand, but it infected him; if he had had the money, and if +on that day he had been disengaged, he would have gone at once. +But he had not the money, not more than he wanted for the fete +that evening. He had the tickets for it in his pocket at that +moment. He had promised Angelika that he would go there with her, +and he would keep his promise, for it had been given after a great +reconciliation scene. A white silk dress had been the olive branch +of these last peaceful days. She therefore looked very handsome +that evening as she walked into the great hall of the Lodge, with +Rafael beside her tall and stately. She was in excellent spirits. +Her quiet eyes had a haughty expression as she turned her steps +with confident superiority towards those whom she wished to +please, or those whom she hoped to annoy. + +HE did not feel confident. He did not like showing himself in +public with her, and lately it had precisely been in public places +that she had chosen to make scenes; besides which, he felt nervous +as to what his mother could wish to say to him. + +A short time before he came to the fete, he had tried, in two +quarters, to borrow money, and each time had received only +excuses. This had greatly mortified him. His disturbed state of +mind, as is so often the case with nervous people, made him +excited and boisterous, nay, even made him more than usually +jovial. And as though a little of the old happiness were actually +to come to him that evening, he met his friend and relative Hans +Ravn, him and his young Bavarian wife, who had just come to the +town. All three were delighted to meet. + +"Do you remember," said Hans Ravn, "how often you have lent me +money, Rafael?" and he drew him on one side. "Now I am at the top +of the tree, now I am married to an heiress, and the most charming +girl too; ah, you must know her better." + +"She is pretty as well," said Rafael. + +"And pretty as well--and good tempered; in fact, you see before +you the happiest man in Norway." + +Rafael's eyes filled. Ravn put his hands on to his friend's +shoulders. + +"Are you not happy, Rafael?" + +"Not quite so happy as you, Hans--" + +He left him to speak to some one else, then returned again. + +"You say, Hans, that I have often lent you money." + +"Are you pressed? Do you want some, Rafael? My dear fellow, how +much?" + +"Can you spare me two thousand kroner?" + +"Here they are." + +"No, no; not in here, come outside." + +"Yes, let us go and have some champagne to celebrate our meeting. +No, not our wives," he added, as Rafael looked towards where they +stood talking. + +"Not our wives," laughed Rafael. He understood the intention, and +now he wished to enjoy his freedom thoroughly. They came in again +merrier and more boisterous than before. + +Rafael asked Hans Ravn's young wife to dance. Her personal +attractions, natural gaiety, and especially her admiration of her +husband's relations, took him by storm. They danced twice, and +laughed and talked together afterwards. + +Later in the evening the two friends rejoined their wives, so that +they might all sit together at supper. Even from a distance Rafael +could see by Angelika's face that a storm was brewing. He grew +angry at once. He had never been blamed more groundlessly. He was +never to have any unalloyed pleasure, then! But he confined +himself to whispering, "Try to behave like other people." But that +was exactly what she did not mean to do. He had left her alone, +every one had seen it. She would have her revenge. She could not +endure Hans Ravn's merriment, still less that of his wife, so she +contradicted rudely once, twice, three times, while Hans Ravn's +face grew more and more puzzled. The storm might have blown over, +for Rafael parried each thrust, even turning them into jokes, so +that the party grew merrier, and no feelings were hurt; but on +this she tried fresh tactics. As has been already said, she could +make a number of annoying gestures, signs and movements which only +he understood. In this way she showed him her contempt for +everything which every one, and especially he himself, said. He +could not help looking towards her, and saw this every time he did +so, until under the cover of the laughter of the others, with as +much fervour and affection as can be put into such a word, "You +jade!" he said. + +"Jade; was ist das?" asked the bright-eyed foreigner. + +This made the whole affair supremely ridiculous. Angelika herself +laughed, and all hoped that the cloud had been finally dispersed. +No!--as though Satan himself had been at table with them, she +would not give in. + +The conversation again grew lively, and when it was at its height, +she pooh-poohed all their jokes so unmistakably that they were +completely puzzled. Rafael gave her a furious look, and then she +jeered at him, "You boy!" she said. After this Rafael answered her +angrily, and let nothing pass without retaliation, rough, savage +retaliation; he was worse than she was. + +"But God bless me!" said good-natured Hans Ravn at length, "how +you are altered, Rafael!" His genial kindly eyes gazed at him with +a look which Rafael never forget. + +"Ja, ich kan es nicht mehr aushalten" said the young Fru Ravn, +with tears in her eyes. She rose, her husband hurried to her, and +they left together. Rafael sat down again, with Angelika. Those +near them looked towards them and whispered together. Angry and +ashamed, he looked across at Angelika, who laughed. Everything +seemed to turn red before his eyes--he rose; he had a wild desire +to kill her there, before every one. Yes! the temptation +overpowered him to such an extent that he thought that people must +notice it. + +"Are you not well, Kaas?" he heard some one beside him say. + +He could not remember afterwards what he answered, or how he got +away; but still, in the street, he dwelt with ecstasy on the +thought of killing her, of again seeing her face turn black, her +arms fall powerless, her eyes open wide with terror; for that was +what would happen some day. He should end his life in a felon's +cell. That was as certainly a part of his destiny as had been the +possession of talents which he had allowed to become useless. + +A quarter of an hour later he was at the observatory: he scanned +the heavens, but no stars were visible. He felt that he was +perspiring, that his clothes clung to him, yet he was ice-cold. +That is the future that awaits you, he thought; it runs ice-cold +through your limbs. + +Then it was that a new and, until then, unused power, which +underlay all else, broke forth and took the command. + +"You shall never return home to her, that is all past now, boy; I +will not permit it any longer." + +What was it? What voice was that? It really sounded as though +outside himself. Was it his father's? It was a man's voice. It +made him clear and calm. He turned round, he went straight to the +nearest hotel, without further thought, without anxiety. Something +new was about to begin. + +He slept for three hours undisturbed by dreams; it was the first +night for a long time that he had done so. + +The following morning he sat in the little pavilion at the station +at Eidsvold with his mother's packet of letters laid open before +him. It consisted of a quantity of papers which he had read +through. + +The expanse of Lake Mjosen lay cold and grey beneath the autumn +mist, which still shrouded the hillsides. The sound of hammers +from the workshops to the right mingled with the rumble of wheels +on the bridge; the whistle of an engine, the rattle of crockery +from the restaurant; sights and sounds seethed round him like +water boiling round an egg. + +As soon as his mother had felt sure that Angelika was not really +enceinte she had busied herself in collecting all the information +about her which it was possible to obtain. + +By the untiring efforts of her ubiquitous relations she had +succeeded to such an extent and in such detail as no examining +magistrate could have accomplished. And there now lay before him +letters, explanations, evidence, which the deponent was ready to +swear to, besides letters from Angelika herself: imprudent letters +which this impulsive creature could perpetrate in the midst of her +schemes; or deeply calculated letters, which directly contradicted +others which had been written at a different period, based on +different calculations. These documents were only the +accompaniment of a clear summing-up by his mother. It was +therefore she who had guided the investigations of the others and +made a digest of their discoveries. With mathematical precision +was here laid down both what was certain and what, though not +certain, was probable. No comment was added, not a word addressed +to himself. + +That portion of the disclosures which related to Angelika's past +does not concern us. That which had reference to her relations +with Rafael began by proving that the anonymous letters, which had +been the means of preventing his engagement with Helene, had been +written by Angelika. This revelation and that which preceded it, +give an idea of the overwhelming humiliation under which Rafael +now suffered. What was he that he could be duped and mastered like +a captured animal; that what was best and what was worst in him +could lead him so far astray? Like a weak fool he was swept along; +he had neither seen nor heard nor thought before he was dragged +away from everything that was his or that was dear to him. + +As he sat there, the perspiration poured from him as it had done +the night before, and again he felt a deadly chill. He therefore +went up to his room with the papers, which he locked up in his +trunk, and then set off at a run along the road. The passers-by +turned to stare after the tall fellow. + +As he ran he repeated to himself, "Who are you, my lad? who are +you?" Then he asked the hills the same question, and then the +trees as well. He even asked the fog, which was now rolling off, +"Who am I? can you answer me that?" + +The close-cropped half-withered turf mocked him--the cleared +potato patches, the bare fields, the fallen leaves. + +"That which you are you will never be; that which you can you will +never do; that which you ought to become you will never attain to! +As you, so your mother before you. She turned aside--and your +father too--into absolute folly; perhaps their fathers before +them! This is a branch of a great family who never attained to +what they were intended for." + +"Something different has misled each one of us, but we have all +been misled. Why is that so? We have greater aims than many +others, but the others drove along the beaten highway right +through the gates of Fortune's house. We stray away from the +highway and into the wood. See! am I not there myself now? Away +from the highway and into the wood, as though I were led by an +inward law. Into the wood." He looked round among the mountain- +ashes, the birches, and other leafy trees in autumn tints. They +stood all round, dripping, as though they wept for his sorrow. +"Yes, yes; they will see me hang here, like Absalom by his long +hair." He had not recalled this old picture a moment before he +stopped, as though seized by a strong hand. + +He must not fly from this, but try to fathom it. The more he +thought of it, the clearer it became: ABSALOM'S HISTORY WAS HIS +OWN. He began with rebellion. Naturally rebellion is the first +step in a course which leads one from the highway--leads to +passion and its consequences. That was clear enough. + +Thus passion overpowered strength of purpose; thus chance +circumstances sapped the foundations--But David rebelled as well. +Why, then, was not David hung up by his hair? It was quite as long +as Absalom's. Yes, David was within an ace of it, right up to his +old age. But the innate strength in David was too great, his +energy was always too powerful: it conquered the powers of +rebellion. They could not drag him far away into passionate +wanderings; they remained only holiday flights in his life and +added poetry to it. They did not move his strength of purpose. Ah, +ha! It was so strong in David that he absorbed them and fed on +them; and yet he was within an ace--very often. See! That is what +I, miserable contemptible wretch, cannot do. So I must hang! Very +soon the man with the spear will be after me. + +Rafael now set off running; probably he wished to escape the man +with the spear. He now entered the thickest part of the wood, a +narrow valley between two high hills which overshadowed it. Oh, +how thirsty he was, so fearfully thirsty! He stood still and +wondered whether he could get anything to drink. Yes, he could +hear the murmur of a brook. He ran farther down towards it. Close +by was an opening in the wood, and as he went towards the stream +he was arrested by something there: the sun had burst forth and +lighted up the tree-tops, throwing deep shadows below. Did he see +anything? Yes; it seemed to him that he saw himself, not +absolutely in the opening, but to one side, in the shadow, under a +tree; he hung there by his hair. He hung there and swung, a man, +but in the velvet jacket of his childhood and the tight-fitting +trousers: he swung suspended by his tangled red hair. And farther +away he distinctly saw another figure: it was his mother, stiff +and stately, who was turning round as if to the sound of music. +And, God preserve him! still farther away, broad and heavy, hung +his father, by the few thin hairs on his neck, with wretched +distorted face as on his death-bed. In other respects those two +were not great sinners. They were old; but his sins were great, +for he was young, and therefore nothing had ever prospered with +him, not even in his childhood. There had always been something +which had caused him to be misunderstood or which had frightened +him or made him constantly constrained and uncertain of himself. +Never had he been able to keep to the main point, and thus to be +in quiet natural peace. With only one exception--his meeting with +Helene. + +It seemed to him that he was sitting in the boat with her out in +the bay. The sky was bright, there was melody in the woods. Now he +was up on the hill with her, among the saplings, and she was +explaining to him that it depended on her care whether they throve +or not. + +He went to the brook to drink; he lay down over the water. He was +thus able to see his own face. How could that happen? Why, there +was sunshine overhead. He was able to see his own face. Great +heavens! how like his father he had become. In the last year he +had grown very like his father--people had said so. He well +remembered his mother's manner when she noticed it. But, good God! +were those grey hairs? Yes, in quantities, so that his hair was no +longer red but grey. No one had told him of it. Had he advanced so +far, been so little prepared for it, that Hans Ravn's remark, "How +you are altered, Rafael!" had frightened him? + +He had certainly given up observing himself, in this coarse life +of quarrels. In it, certainly, neither words nor deeds were +weighed, and hence this hunted feeling. It was only natural that +he had ceased to observe. If the brook had been a little deeper, +he would have let himself be engulfed in it. He got up, and went +on again, quicker and quicker: sometimes he saw one person, +sometimes another, hanging in the woods. + +He dare not turn round. Was it so very wonderful that others +besides himself and his family had turned from the beaten track, +and peopled the byways and the boughs in the wood? He had been +unjust towards himself and his parents; they were not alone, they +were in only too large a company. What will unjust people say, but +that the very thing which requires strength does not receive it, +but half of it comes to nothing, more than half of the powers are +wasted. Here, in these strips of woodland which run up the hills +side by side, like organ-pipes, Henrik Vergeland had also roamed: +within an ace, with him too, within an ace! Wonderful how the +ravens gather together here, where so many people are hanging. Ha! +ha! He must write this to his mother! It was something to write +about to her, who had left him, who deserted him when he was the +most unhappy, because all that she cared for was to keep her +sacred person inviolate, to maintain her obstinate opinion, to +gratify her pique--Oh! what long hair!--How fast his mother was +held! She had not cut her hair enough then. But now she should +have her deserts. Everything from as far back as he could remember +should be recalled, for once in a way he would show her herself; +now he had both the power and the right. His powers of discovery +had been long hidden under the suffocating sawdust of the daily +and nightly sawing; but now it was awake, and his mother should +feel it. + +People noticed the tall man break out of the wood, jump over +hedges and ditches, and make his way straight up the hill. At the +very top he would write to his mother!-- + +He did not return to the hotel till dark. He was wet, dirty, and +frightfully exhausted. He was as hungry as a wolf, he said, but he +hardly ate anything; on the other hand, he was consumed with +thirst. On leaving the table he said that he wished to stay there +a few days to sleep. They thought that he was joking, but he slept +uninterruptedly until the afternoon of the next day. He was then +awakened, ate a little and drank a great deal, for he had +perspired profusely; after which he fell asleep again. He passed +the next twenty-four hours in much the same way. + +When he awoke the following morning he found himself alone. + +Had not a doctor been there, and had he not said that it was a +good thing for him to sleep? It seemed to him that he had heard a +buzz of voices; but he was sure that he was well now, only +furiously hungry and thirsty, and when he raised himself he felt +giddy. But that passed off by degrees, when he had eaten some of +the food which had been left there. He drank out of the water-jug- +-the carafe was empty--and walked once or twice up and down before +the open window. It was decidedly cold, so he shut it. Just then +he remembered that he had written a frightful letter to his +mother! + +How long ago was it? Had he not slept a long time? Had he not +turned grey? He went to the looking-glass, but forgot the grey +hair at the sight of himself. He was thin, lank, and dirty.--The +letter! the letter! It will kill my mother! There had already been +misfortunes enough, more must not follow. + +He dressed himself quickly, as if by hurrying he could overtake +the letter. He looked at the clock--it had stopped. Suppose the +train were in! He must go by it, and from the train straight to +the steamer, and home, home to Hellebergene! But he must send a +telegram to his mother at once. He wrote it--"Never mind the +letter, mother. I am coming this evening and will never leave you +again." + +So now he had only to put on a clean collar, now his watch--it +certainly was morning--now to pack, go down and pay the bill, have +something to eat, take his ticket, send the telegram; but first-- +no, it must all be done together, for the train WAS there; it had +only a few minutes more to wait; he could only just catch it. The +telegram was given to some one else to send off. + +But he had hardly got into the carriage, where he was alone, than +the thought of the letter tortured him, till he could not sit +still. This dreadful analysis of his mother, strophe after +strophe, it rose before him, it again drove him into the state of +mind in which he had been among the hills and woods of Eidsvold. +Beyond the tunnel the character of the scenery was the same.--Good +God! that dreadful letter was never absent from his thoughts, +otherwise he would not suffer so terribly. What right had he to +reproach his mother, or any one, because a mere chance should have +become of importance in their lives? + +Would the telegram arrive in time to save her from despair, and +yet not frighten her from home because he was coming? To think +that he could write in such a way to her, who had but lived to +collect the information which would free him! His ingratitude must +appear too monstrous to her. The extreme reserve which she was +unable to break through might well lead to catastrophes. What +might not she have determined on when she received this violent +attack by way of thanks? Perhaps she would think that life was no +longer worth living, she who thought it so easy to die. He +shuddered. + +But she will do nothing hastily, she will weigh everything first. +Her roots go deep. When she appears to have acted on impulse, it +is because she has had previous knowledge. But she has no previous +knowledge here; surely here she will deliberate. + +He pictured her as, wrapped in her shawl, she wandered about in +dire distress--or with intent gaze reviewing her life and his own, +until both appeared to her to have been hopelessly wasted--or +pondering where she could best hide herself so that she should +suffer no more. + +How he loved her! All that had happened had drawn a veil over his +eyes, which was now removed. + + Now he was on board the steamer which was bearing him home. The +weather had become mild and summerlike; it had been raining, but +towards evening it began to clear. He would get to Hellebergene in +fine weather, and by moonlight. It grew colder; he spoke to no +one, nor had he eyes for anything about him. + +The image of his mother, wrapped in her long shawl--that was all +the company he had. Only his mother! No one but his mother! +Suppose the telegram had but frightened her the more--that to see +HIM now appeared the worst that could happen. To read such a +crushing doom for her whole life, and that from him! She was not +so constituted that it could be cancelled by his asking +forgiveness and returning to her. On the contrary, it would +precipitate the worst, it must do so. + +The violent perspiration began again; he had to put on more wraps. +His terror took possession of him: he was forced to contemplate +the most awful possibilities--to picture to himself what death his +mother would choose! + +He sprang to his feet and paced up and down. He longed to throw +himself into somebody's arms, to cry aloud. But he knew well that +he must not let such words escape him.--He HAD to picture her as +she handled the guns, until she relinquished the idea of using any +of them. Then he imagined her recalling the deepest hiding-places +in the woods--where were they all? + +HE recalled them, one after another. No, not in any of THOSE, for +she wished to hide herself where she would never be found! There +was the cement-bed; it went sheer down there, and the water was +deep!--He clung to the rigging to prevent himself from falling. He +prayed to be released from these terrors. But he saw her floating +there, rocked by the rippling water. Was it the face which was +uppermost, or was it the body, which for a while floated higher +than the face? + +His thoughts were partially diverted from this by people coming up +to ask him if he were ill. He got something warm and strong to +drink, and now the steamer approached the part of the coast with +which he was familiar. They passed the opening into Hellebergene, +for one has to go first to the town, and thence in a boat. It now +became the question, whether a boat had been sent for him. In that +case his mother was alive, and would welcome him. But if there was +no boat, then a message from the gulf had been sent instead! + +And there was no boat!-- + +For a moment his senses failed him; only confused sounds fell on +his ear. But then he seemed to emerge from a dark passage. He must +get to Hellebergene! He must see what had happened; be would go +and search! + +By this time it was growing dark. He went on shore and looked +round for a boat as though half asleep. He could hardly speak, but +he did not give in till he got the men together and hired the +boat. He took the helm himself, and bade them row with all their +might. He knew every peak in the grey twilight. They might depend +on him, and row on without looking round. Soon they had passed the +high land and were in among the islands. This time they did not +come out to meet him; they all seemed gathered there to repel him. +No boat had been sent; there was, therefore, nothing more for him +to do here. No boat had been sent, because he had forfeited his +place here. Like savage beasts, with bristles erect, the peaks and +islands arrayed themselves against him. "Row on, my lads," he +cried, for now arose again in him that dormant power which only +manifested itself in his utmost need. + +"How is it with you, my boy? I am growing weary. Courage, now, and +forward!" + +Again that voice outside himself--a man's voice. Was it his +father's? + +Whether or not it were his father's voice, here before his +father's home he would struggle against Fate. + +In man's direst necessity, what he has failed in and what he can +do seem to encounter each other. And thus, just as the boat had +cleared the point and the islands and was turning into the bay, he +raised himself to his full height, and the boatmen looked at him +in astonishment. He still grasped the rudder-lines, and looked as +though he were about to meet an enemy. Or did he hear anything? +was it the sound of oars? + +Yes, they heard them now as well. From the strait near the inlet a +boat was approaching them. She loomed large on the smooth surface +of the water and shot swiftly along. + +"Is that a boat from Hellebergene?" shouted Rafael. His voice +shook. + +"Yes," came a voice out of the darkness, and he recognised the +bailiff's voice. "Is it Rafael?" + +"Yes. Why did you not come before?" + +"The telegram has only just arrived." + +He sat down. He did not speak. He became suddenly incapable of +uttering a word. + +The other boat turned and followed them. Rafael nearly ran his +boat on shore; he forgot that he was steering. Very soon they +cleared the narrow passage which led into the inner bay, and +rounded the last headland, and there!--there lay Hellebergene +before them in a blaze of light! From cellar to attic, in every +single window, it glowed, it streamed with light, and at that +moment another light blazed out from the cairn on the hill-top. + +It was thus that his mother greeted him. He sobbed; and the +boatmen heard him, and at the same time noticed that it had grown +suddenly light. They turned round, and were so engrossed in the +spectacle that they forgot to row. + +"Come! you must let me get on," was all that he could manage to +say. + +His sufferings were forgotten as he leapt from the boat. Nor did +it disturb him that he did not meet his mother at the landing- +place, or near the house, nor see her on the terrace. He simply +rushed up the stairs and opened the door. + +The candles in the windows gave but little light within. Indeed, +something had been put in the windows for them to stand on, so +that the interior was half in shadow. But he had come in from the +semi-darkness. He looked round for her, but he heard some one +crying at the other end of the room. There she sat, crouched in +the farthest corner of the sofa, with her feet drawn up under her, +as in old days when she was frightened. She did not stretch out +her arms; she remained huddled together. But he bent over her, +knelt down, laid his face on hers, wept with her. She had grown +fragile, thin, haggard, ah! as though she could be blown away. She +let him take her in his arms like a child and clasp her to his +breast; let him caress and kiss her. Ah, how ethereal she had +become! And those eyes, which at last he saw, now looked tearfully +out from their large orbits, but more innocently than a bird from +its nest. Over her broad forehead she had wound a large silk +handkerchief in turban fashion. It hung down behind. She wished to +conceal the thinness of her hair. He smiled to recognise her again +in this. More spiritualised, more ethereal in her beauty, her +innermost aspirations shone forth without effort. Her thin hands +caressed his hair, and now she gazed into his eyes. + +"Rafael, my Rafael!" She twined her arms round him and murmured +welcome. But soon she raised her head and resumed a sitting +posture. She wished to speak. He was beforehand with her. + +"Forgive the letter," he whispered with beseeching eyes and voice, +and hands upraised. + +"I saw the distress of your soul," was the whispered answer, for +it could not be spoken aloud. "And there was nothing to forgive," +she added. She had laid her face against his again. "And it was +quite true, Rafael," she murmured. + +She must have passed through terrible days and nights here, he +thought, before she could say that. + +"Mother, mother! what a fearful time!" + +Her little hand sought his: it was cold; it lay in his like an egg +in a deserted nest. He warmed it and took the other as well. + +"Was not the illumination splendid?" she said. And now her voice +was like a child's. + +He moved the screen which obstructed the light: he must see her +better. He thought, when he saw the look of happiness in her face, +if life looks so beautiful to her still, we shall have a long time +together. + +"If you had told me all that about Absalom, the picture which you +made when you were told the story of David, Rafael; if you had +only told me that before!" She paused, and her lips quivered. + +"How could I tell it to you, mother, when I did not understand it +myself?" + +"The illumination--that must signify that I, too, understand. It +ought to light you forward; do you not think so?" + + + + +A PAINFUL MEMORY FROM CHILDHOOD + +I must have been somewhere about seven years old, when one Sunday +afternoon a rumour reached the parsonage that, on that same day, +two men, rowing past the Buggestrand in Eidsfjord, had discovered +a woman who had fallen over a cliff, and had remained half lying, +half hanging, close to the water's edge. + +Before moving her, they tried to find out from her who had thrown +her over. + +It was thirty-five miles by water to the doctor's, and then an +order for admission to the hospital had also to be procured. She +had lain twenty-four hours before help reached her, and shortly +afterwards she died. Before she breathed her last, she said it was +Peer Hagbo who had done it. "But," she added, "they mustn't do him +any harm." + +Everybody knew that there had been an attachment between the girl, +who was in service at Hagbo's, and the son of the house, and the +shrewd ones instantly guessed why he wanted to get her out of the +way. + +I remember clearly the arrival of the news. It was, as I have +said, on a Sunday afternoon, her death having occurred on the +morning of the same day. + +It was in the very middle of summer, when the whole place was +flooded with sunshine and gladness. I remember how the light +faded, faces turned to stone, the fjord grew dim, and village and +forest shrank away into shadow. I remember that even the next day +I felt as though a blow had been dealt to ordinary existence. I +knew that I need not go to school. Men knocked off work, leaving +everything just as it was, and sat down with idle hands. The women +especially were paralysed: it was evident they felt themselves +threatened, they even said as much. When strangers came to the +parsonage their bearing and expression showed that the murder lay +heavy on their minds, and they read the same story in us. We took +each other's hands with a sense of remoteness. The murder was the +only thing that was present with us. Whatever we talked of we +seemed to hear of the murder in voice and word. The last +consciousness at night and the first in the morning was that +everything was unsettled, and that the joy of life was suddenly +arrested, like the hands on a dial at a certain hour. + +But by degrees the murder fell into its proper place among other +interests; curiosity and gossip had made it commonplace. It was +taken up, turned over, considered, picked at and pulled about, +till it became simply "the last new thing." Soon we knew every +detail of the relation between the murdered and the murderer. We +knew who it was that Peer's mother had wanted him to marry; we +knew the Hagbo family in and out, and their history for +generations past. + +When the magistrate came to the parsonage to institute the +preliminary inquiry, the murder was merely an inexhaustible theme +of conversation. But the next day when the bailiff and some other +men appeared with the murderer, a new feeling took possession of +me, a feeling of which I could not have imagined myself capable-- +an overpowering compassion. A young good-looking lad, well grown, +slightly built, rather small than otherwise, with dark not very +thick hair, with appealing eyes which were now downcast, with a +clear voice, and about his whole personality a certain charm, +almost refinement; a creature to associate with life, not death, +with gladness, with gaiety. I was more sorry for him than I can +say. The bailiff and the other people spoke kindly to him too, so +they must have felt the same. Only the peppery little clerk came +out with some hard words, but the accused stood cap in hand and +made no answer. + +He paced up and down the yard in his shirt sleeves--the day was +very warm--with a flat cloth cap over his close-cut hair, and his +hands in his trousers pockets, or toying restlessly with a piece +of straw. The parsonage dog had found companions, and the youth +followed the dog's frolic with his eyes, and gazed at the chickens +and at us children as though he longed to be one of us. The girl's +words, "But don't do him any harm," rang in my ears unceasingly-- +whether he walked about or stood still or sat down. I knew that he +would certainly be beheaded, and, believing that it must be soon, +I was filled with horror at the thought of his saying to himself, +In a month I shall die--and then in a week--in a day--an hour... +it must be utterly unendurable. I slipped behind him to see his +neck, and just at that moment he lifted his hand up to it, a +little brown hand; and I could not get rid of the thought that +perhaps his fingers would come in the way when the axe was +falling. + +He and the warders were asked to come in and dine. I felt I must +see if it were really possible for him to eat. Yes, he ate and +chatted just like the rest, and for a time I forgot my terror. But +no sooner was I outside again and alone than I fell to thinking of +it with might and main, and it seemed to me very hard that her +words, "But you mustn't do him any harm," should be so utterly +disregarded. I felt I must go in and say as much to father. But +he, slow and serious, and the clerk, little and dapper, were +walking up and down the room deep in conversation, far, far above +all my misery. I slipped out again, and stroked the coat which +Peer had taken off. + +The inquiry was held in my schoolroom. My master acted as +secretary to the court, and I got leave to sit there and listen. +For the matter of that, the clerk spoke in so loud a voice that it +could be heard through the open window by every one in the place. +The unfortunate youth was called upon to account for the entire +day on which the murder had been committed--for every hour of that +Sunday. He denied that he had killed her--denied it with the +utmost emphasis: "It was not he who had done it." The magistrate's +examination was both acutely and kindly conducted; Peer was moved +to tears, but no confession could be drawn from him. + +"This will be a long business, madam," said the magistrate to my +mother when the first day's inquiry was over. But later in the +evening Peer's sister came to the parsonage and remained with him +all through the night. They were heard whispering and crying +unceasingly. In the morning Peer was pale and silent; before the +court he took all the blame upon himself. + +The way it had happened, he explained, was that he had been her +lover, and that his mother had strongly disapproved of the +connection. So one Sunday as the girl, prayer-book in hand, was +going to church, he met her in the wood. They sat down, and he +asked if she intended to declare him the father of the child she +was about to bear; for it was in this time of sore necessity that +she was going to seek consolation in the church. She replied that +she could accuse no one else. He spoke of the shame it would bring +on him, and how annoyed his mother already was. Yes, yes, she knew +that too well. His mother was very angry with her; and she thought +it strange of Peer that he didn't stand up for her; he knew best +whose fault it was that all this had happened. But Peer hinted +that she had been compliant to others as well as to himself, and +therefore he would not submit to being given out as the child's +father. He tried to make her angry, but did not succeed, she was +so gentle. He had an axe lying concealed in the heather near where +he sat. He took it and struck her on the head from behind. She did +not lose consciousness at once, but tried to defend herself while +she begged for her life. He could give no clear account of what +happened afterwards. It seemed almost as though he himself had +lost consciousness. As to the other events, he accepted the +account of them which had been given in the evidence against him. + +His sister waited at the parsonage until he came from the +examination, worn out and with eyes red with weeping. Once more +they went aside and whispered. I remember nothing more of her than +that she held her head down and wept a great deal. + + It was in the winter that he was to be executed. The announcement +was made at such short notice that every one in the house had to +bestir himself--father was to deliver an exhortation at the place +of execution, and the Dean, whose parishioner the condemned man +was, together with the bailiff, had arranged to come to us the day +before. + +Peer and his warders and a friend, his instructor during the time +of his imprisonment, schoolmaster Jakobsen, were to sleep down in +the schoolhouse, which was part of the farm property belonging to +the old parsonage. Meals were to be carried from our house to the +prisoner and Jakobsen. + +I remember that they came in the morning in two boat-loads from +Molde: the Dean, the bailiff, the military escort, and the +condemned man. But I had to sit in the old schoolhouse, and not +even later in the day was I allowed to go down to where they were. + +This prohibition made the whole proceeding the more mysterious. It +grew dark early. The sea ran black against a whitish and in some +places bare-swept beach. The ragged clouds chased each other +across the sky. We were afraid a storm was coming on. Then one of +the parsonage chimneys caught on fire, and most of the soldiers +came rushing up to offer help. The great fire-ladder was brought +from under the storehouse. It was unusually heavy and clumsy, so +it was difficult to get it raised, till father broke into the +midst of the crowd, ordered them all to stand back, and set it up +by himself. This is still remembered in the parish; and also that +the bailiff, an active little fellow, took a bucket in each hand +and went up the ladder till he reached the turf roof. The black +fjord, the hurrying clouds, the menace of the coming day, the +blaze of the fire, the bustle and din...and then the silence +afterwards! People whispered as they moved about the rooms and out +in the yard, whence they looked down upon the schoolhouse-prison +where the steady light burned. + +Schoolmaster Jacobsen was sitting there now with his friend. They +were singing and praying together, I heard from those who had been +down in that direction. Peer's family came in the evening in a +boat, went up to see him, and took leave of him. I heard how +dauntless he was in his confidence that the next day he would be +with God, and how beautifully he talked to his people, and +especially how he begged them to take an affectionate greeting to +his mother, and be good to her as long as she lived. Some said she +had come in the boat with the rest, but would not go up to see +him. That was not true, any more than that some of them were at +the execution the next day, which was also reported. + +I wakened the next morning under a weight of apprehension. The +weather had changed and was fair now, but it felt oppressive +nevertheless. No one spoke loud, and people said as little as +possible. I was to be allowed to go with the rest and look on; so +I made haste to find my tutor, whom I had been told not to leave. +The two clergymen came out in their cassocks. We went down to the +landing-place and rowed the first part of the way. The condemned +man and his escort had gone on before, and waited at the place +where we disembarked, in order to walk the latter part of the way +to the place of execution, a kilometer or so distant. The +execution had to take place at a cross-roads, and there was only +one in the neighbourhood--namely, at Ejdsvaag, nearly seven miles +away from where the murder was committed. The bailiff headed the +procession, then came the soldiers, then the condemned man, with +the Dean on one side and my father on the other, then Jacobsen and +my tutor, with me between them, then some more people, followed by +more soldiers. We walked cautiously along the slippery road. The +clergyman talked constantly to the condemned man, who was now very +pale. His eyes had grown gentle and weary and he said very little. +My mother, who had been very kind to him, and whom he had thanked +for all she had done, had sent him a bottle of wine to keep up his +strength. The first time that my tutor offered him some, he looked +at the clergyman as though asking if there were anything sinful in +accepting it. My father quoted St. Paul's advice to Timothy, and +instantly he drank off a long draught. + +By the wayside stood people curious to see him, and they joined +the procession as it passed along. Among them were some of his +comrades, to whom he sorrowfully nodded. Once or twice he lifted +his cap, the same flat one I had seen him in the first time. It +was evident that his comrades had a regard for him; and I saw, +too, some young women who were crying, and made no attempt to +conceal it. He walked along with his hands clasped at his breast, +probably praying. + +We were all startled by the captain's loud and commonplace word of +command, "Attention!" as we reached the appointed place. A body of +soldiers stood drawn up in a hollow square, which closed in after +admitting the bailiff, the clergyman, the condemned man, and a few +besides, among whom was myself. A great silent crowd stood round, +and over their heads one saw the mounted figure of the sheriff in +his cocked hat. When the soldiers who came with us, having carried +out various sharp words of command, had taken their places in the +square, the further proceedings began by the sheriff's reading +aloud the death sentence and the royal order for the execution. + +The sheriff stationed himself directly in front of the place where +some planed boards were laid over the grave. At one end of it +stood the block. On the other side of the grave a platform had +been erected, from which the Dean was to speak. Peer Hagbo knelt +below on the step, with his face buried in his hands, close to the +feet of his spiritual adviser. The Dean was of Danish birth, one +of the many who, at the time of the separation, had chosen to make +their home in Norway. His addresses were beautiful to read, but +one couldn't always hear him, and least of all when he was moved, +as was frequently the case. He shouted the first words very loud; +then his head sank down between his shoulders, and he shook it +without a pause while he closed his eyes and uttered some +smothered sounds, catching his breath between them. The points of +his tall shirt-collar, which reached to the middle of his ears (I +have never since seen the like), stuck up on each side of the bare +cropped head with the two double chins underneath, and the whole +was framed between his shoulders, which, by long practice, he +could raise much higher than other men. Those who did not know +him--for to know him was to love him--could hardly keep from +laughing. His speech was neither heard nor understood, but it was +short. His emotion forced him to break it off suddenly. One thing +alone we all understood: that he loved the pale young man whom he +had prepared for death, and that he wished that all of us might go +to our God as happy and confident as he who was to die to-day. +When he stepped down they embraced each other for the last time. +Peer gave his hand to my father and to a number besides, and then +placed himself by his friend Jakobsen. The latter knew what this +meant. He took off a kerchief and bound Peer's eyes, while we saw +him whisper something to him and receive a whispered answer. Then +a man came forward to bind Peer's hands behind his back, but he +begged to be left free, and his prayer was granted. Then Jakobsen +took him by the hand and led him forward. At the place where Peer +was to kneel Jakobsen stopped short, and Peer slowly bent his +knees. Jakobsen bent Peer's head down until it rested on the +block; then he drew back and folded his hands. All this I saw, and +also that a tall man came and took hold of Peer's neck, while a +smaller man drew forth from a couple of folded towels a shining +axe with a remarkably broad thin blade. It was then I turned away. +I heard the captain's horrible "Present arms"; I heard some one +praying "Our Father"--perhaps it was Peer himself--then a blow +that sounded exactly as if it went into a great cabbage. At once I +looked round again, and saw one leg kicking out, and a yard or two +beyond the body lay the head, the mouth gasping and gasping as if +for air. + +The executioner's assistant sprang forward and took hold of it by +the ends of the handkerchief that had bandaged the eyes, and threw +it into the coffin beside the body, where it fell with a dull +sound. The boards were laid over the coffined remains, and the +whole hastily lifted up and lowered into the grave. + +Then my father got up on the platform. Every one could understand +what HE said, and his powerful voice was heard to such a distance +that even now it is remembered in the district. Following up the +thunderous admonition of the execution itself, he warned the young +against the vices which prevailed in the parish--against +drunkenness, fighting, unchastity, and other misconduct. They must +have liked the discourse very much, for it was stolen out of the +pocket of his gown on the way home. + +As for me, I left the place as sick at heart, as overwhelmed with +horror, as if it were my turn to be executed next. Afterwards I +compared notes with many others, who owned to exactly the same +feeling. Father and the Dean dined at the captain's with the other +officials; but they separated and went home directly after dinner. + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ABSALOM'S HAIR *** + +This file should be named bslms10.txt or bslms10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, bslms11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, bslms10a.txt + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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