135 files changed, 19727 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/45927-0.txt b/45927-0.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..127f2b1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-0.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,3332 @@
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45927 ***
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion
+O'th' French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
+
+By John Hartley
+
+Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun,"
+"Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek
+Puddin." &C.
+
+London:
+
+W. Nicholson & Sons,
+
+26, PATERNOSTER SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+[Illustration: 9008]
+
+O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa
+'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to
+bear i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me
+to visit;--an to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th'
+descriptions aw do give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt
+different to them, awd beg em to remember at we dooant all see wi th'
+same een, an if it had been intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod
+ha done for th' lot, an then what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers.
+Nah, if hawf o'th' book is fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other
+hawf is fancy, that's worth sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo
+have?
+
+Yors i' hard eearnest,
+
+SAMMYWELL GRIMES.
+
+
+```Dedicated As Token Of Respect, To
+
+```John Stansfield, Esq., Halifax.
+
+````With The Best Wishes Of
+
+`````The Author.
+
+`````November, 1878.
+
+
+
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+[Illustration: 9010]
+
+W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to
+Payris, but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as
+awm feeard if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen.
+Nah, awm quite willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider
+reight abaat it but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at
+ther wor nowt varry far wrang.
+
+Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived
+long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm
+sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm
+foorced to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad
+impression'at has'nt left me yet.
+
+Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for
+they sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi'
+him, an' especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel,
+which is another word for maister.
+
+But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa
+aw went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like
+th' Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for
+a long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an'
+booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to
+whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but
+then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen.
+Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's
+nivver had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a
+beershop at th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but
+durin' th' wick its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an'
+that's a varry gooid job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa
+anxious to suit his customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint
+until he's supt a gill to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up
+time, he's soa full up at he has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a
+pikestaff for fear if he should lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted.
+During th' rest o' th' wick he suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's
+hard warkto get on wi his brewin.
+
+He's nivver been wed, tho' he's a gooid lukkin' chap enuff, but his old
+mother lives wi him an' nurses him up as weel as shoo can. Shoo's tell'd
+him monny a time at shoo thinks he'd be better if he'd a wife, but he
+allus says he's feeard if he wor wed an' should have ony childer'at they
+might have his complaint an' he doesnt want to be th' means o' onybody
+else havin' to suffer as he's done. But altho' his mother has a deal to
+do for him, shoo's varry praad on him, for he's her only lad an' shoo
+says he's th' best brewer at ivver smell'd o' malt, an' for a duzzen
+year he's nivver had a brewin at womt fit to sup, though nah and then
+ther's one'at isnt fit to sell, but he's ov a careful turn an' nivver
+wastes it, an' wol he's suppin that he's savin' summat better, an' if
+it maks noa profit yet it isnt mich ov a loss. Aw've tell'd yo soa mich
+abaat Billy to introduce him like, an' yo'll get to know him better as
+we goa on.
+
+Aw tuk th' first chonce aw had to goa see him an it happened to be Sundy
+mornin' an' he wor varry bad, an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he
+grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he
+shuk his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th'
+rent.
+
+"Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have
+aw to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's
+weel to be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable
+carryin' on as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious
+tha knows, an' aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better.
+What wi ta have to sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver
+tasted. Mother, just draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after
+trailin' up here, an' yo can draw me a pint too for that matter for it
+cannot mak' me ony war nor aw am."
+
+"Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much
+as tha does Billy," sed his mother.
+
+He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed,
+"Payris! whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all
+feightin' aw reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps
+tawkin' abaat it ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."
+
+"Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."
+
+"It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it,
+but if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're
+baan to fuffen agean?"
+
+"Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith'
+world."
+
+"A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th'
+world--but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have another
+set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when they've
+done fuffenin?"
+
+"If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be
+sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver
+owt as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full
+o' moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."
+
+"Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,--are ta thinkin' abaat
+flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit
+thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves
+yor Mally owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th'
+exhibition;--aw generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith'
+year, though aw've missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's
+gooid enuff for me. Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa
+fuffenin."
+
+"Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,--aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen
+like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at
+ther's monny a scoor goa for nowt else."
+
+"Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me
+an' mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart
+ov a place is it for gettin summat to sup?"
+
+"Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe
+tha'll be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest
+women thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud
+leet o' one."
+
+"Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny
+brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"
+
+"Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll
+mak' thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."
+
+"Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."
+
+"Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o'
+gooin' tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."
+
+"Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"
+
+"Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."
+
+"Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin
+to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak
+it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"
+
+"Next Wedensdy mornin--tha's lots o' time to get ready.".
+
+"Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"
+
+"Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."
+
+"Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"
+
+"Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."
+
+"Well, be sewer tha does,--or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol
+thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."
+
+"Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth
+station bi nine o'clock."
+
+"Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"
+
+"Noa moor aw mun be off nah--Gooid day!"
+
+"Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we
+can manage for owt else."
+
+Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew
+awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em
+wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.
+
+When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set
+too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished
+up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"
+
+"Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows
+as well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha
+knows what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."
+
+"Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's
+forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what
+tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away,
+but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day
+or two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems
+happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi'
+wind tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an'
+it'll be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll
+find a deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could
+see ony gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa
+improvement in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to
+feel at, an' tha seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to
+forget at tha'rt a gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to
+Payredise for owt aw care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same
+as tha went, or else war."
+
+"Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an'
+then tha'll hardly know me.
+
+"Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha
+ther wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted
+o' thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been
+considerin it for th' last forty year--"
+
+"Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."
+
+"Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor
+born soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at
+tha'rt a fooil."
+
+"Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th'
+same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what
+says ta, will ta goa wi me?"
+
+"Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha
+thowt, simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense.
+What have aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should
+like to know if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr
+Hepsaba wi yond youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm
+expectin to be sent for ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if
+shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child i' awther arm an' a couple teed to
+her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav em to muck amang it; but awm
+different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can be o' some use to them at
+belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen a laffinstock for fowk!
+But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha one less to luk after,
+an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll net show thi face i'
+this fold agean yet a bit!"
+
+Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak'
+it war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th'
+ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght
+ov its place an' dragged it back agean, shoo turned raand an' sed as
+quiet as could be, "Then what wi ta want to tak' wi thi, coss
+tha'd better let's be knowin soas aw can get it ready an' net drive
+ivverything to th' last minit?"
+
+"Varry few things'll suit me, for we're nobbut gooin for a day or two."
+
+"We! who does ta mean bi a 'we'?"
+
+"Aw've been to ax Billy Baccus if he'll goa wi' me, aw thowt he'd be a
+bit o' cumpny tha knows."
+
+"Oh! Billy Baccus is it? Well an' awm fain tha has axd him! yo do reight
+to goa together, Billy an' thee! They'd ha built another, exhibition
+if they'd known you'd been gooin, Billy Baccus! raillee, Sammywell! an'
+what does his mother say? Is he baan to tak' a brewery wi him or will he
+rent one wol he's thear?"
+
+Someha this seemed to put Mally in a gooid temper an' aw wor nooan
+inclined to spoil it, soa aw laft when shoo laft an' ther wor nowt
+onnymoor sed.
+
+Th' momin sooin coom, an' when aw wor biddin' Mally gooid bye, aw slipt
+a bit o' paper into her hand at awd scribbled on,=
+
+```Awm gooin to leeav thi Mally lass,
+
+````But tho' aw love to rooam;
+
+```Awst nivver let an' haar pass,
+
+````Withaat a thowt for hooam.
+
+```An' tho' aw feeast mi'een o' seets ````All strange, an' wondrous
+grand;
+
+```Awst turn mi heart i'th' silent neets,
+
+````To this mi' native land.
+
+```Awst think o' thee, at's shared mi woe,
+
+````'At's proved mi' joy as well;
+
+```An' far an' wide wheare'er aw goa,
+
+````Awst prize nooan like thisel.=
+
+Shoo read it--"A'a, Sammywell!" shoo sed, "tha thinks tha can get ovver
+me onnytime wi' a bit 0' nonsense like that, but tha mun mind tha doesnt
+try it on once too oft. Try an' tak' care o' thisen, but whativver else
+be careful 0' thi umberel!"
+
+Aw wor sooin at th' station an' Billy wor waitin. If ivver aw saw th'
+pictur o' misery it wor his face that mornin'.
+
+"Ha does ta feel?" aw says.
+
+"War an' war, aw think awst ha to give it up, awm nooan fit to goa."
+
+"It's a pity tha set off," aw sed, "has ta getten wai sin tha left
+hooam?"
+
+"Nay aw've been soa ivver sin aw saw thi; aw should like to goa, but a'a
+dear a me!"
+
+"Why then," aw says, "aw need'nt get two tickets?"
+
+"Noa, get one for thisen, aw've getten mine."
+
+"An' whear's thi luggage?"
+
+"Its ith' van yonder all reight."
+
+Aw sed noa moor but gate mi ticket--th' time wor up, we jumpt into th'
+carriage an' wor sooin off to London.
+
+[Illustration: 0021]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II. MERCREDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9021]
+
+EXT to bein' th' eleventh chap to get into a carriage'at's suppooased to
+be weel packed wi' ten, aw hate to travel wi' one chap'at's made up his
+mind to be miserable--an' aw could see in a twinklin' 'at Bill meant it.
+
+But aw wor off for a spree, (aw owtn't to ha sed that, for awd left word
+at hooam'at aw wor gooin to collect information for th' benefit o' mi
+fellow men,) but whativver wor th' principle reason for me gooin aw
+know'at th' interest had summat to do wi' a jollification.
+
+"A'a, aw wish awd stopt at hooam," he sed, as sooin as th' train gate
+aght o'th' station.
+
+"Awm sooary but tha had," aw sed, low daan.
+
+"What says ta?"
+
+"Awm sooary tha'rt soa bad," aw shaated.
+
+"Tha doesn't know what aw suffer, lad. Has ta owt to sup?"
+
+"Eeah, aw've a drop'at Mally wod mak mi bring; see what it's like."
+
+"That stirs it," he sed, when he'd had a gooid swig, "what does ta call
+it?"
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know for aw've nivver tasted it. Happen it's gin?"
+
+"Is it?" an' he held th' bottle to luk at it. "Maybe it is," he sed, an'
+he tuk another swig to find aght. "Nay it's nooan gin aw think, aw fancy
+it's whisky."
+
+"Varry likely it is whisky," aw sed, "it doesn't luk unlike."
+
+"Aw dooant pretend to say'at it is, for awm noa judge, but it happen is
+gin," an' he supt agean to mak reight sewer, an' then he handed me
+th' bottle an' sed, "tha can call it what tha likes but aw call it
+whisky--taste for thisen."
+
+He did reight to say "taste," for he hadn't left enough in for a sup,
+but aw didn't care for that for it seemed to liven him up a bit, an' bi
+th' time we stopt at Peterborough he jumpt aght to stretch his legs a
+bit an' try what sooart o' ale they kept at th' station, an' he lukt
+leetsomer nor awd seen him for a twelvemonth, an' when he coom back he'd
+a cigar in his maath an' another for me. "What mak o' ale do they keep?"
+aw ax'd.
+
+"Muck! Aw wodn't sell sich stuff, an' th' glasses are nobbut like
+thimmels an' they dooan't aboon hauf fill'em. It's a scandlous shame
+ha they impooas o' fowk, if awd to do sich things aw couldn't sleep for
+thinkin' on it," an as if to prove'at he nivver did owt o'th' sooart he
+lained back his heead an' in a varry little time wor snoorin' away like
+a bacon makker.
+
+When th' train stopt at th' far end aw had to wak-ken him an' it wor noa
+easy job. "Come on!" aw sed, "Ger up! Doesn't ta know'at we're at th'
+far end?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whear we are, awm nooan baan to get up!"
+
+"But tha mun care, for tha'll be foorced to get aght here; an' whear's
+thi luggage? If tha doesn't stir thi somdy'll run away wi' it!"
+
+He oppened one e'e abaat hauf way just to squint at me, "An' who's
+baan to run away wi' it? Let me catch him an' awl bet ther'll be one
+Frenchman less to feight th' next battle o' Waterloo! Awl poise his
+frog-aitin heead off his shoolders if he touches owt o' mine!"
+
+"Ther's noa Frenchmen here; tha's nobbut getten to Lundun, an' tha
+munnot tawk abaat poisin' when tha gets to France, tha'll ha' to leearn
+to parleyvoo!"
+
+"Aw dooant care whether it's poisin' or parleyvoo-in', awl bet his heead
+comes off schews ha!"
+
+Just then th' guard coom "All out here! Hi there! what's to do?"
+
+Aw knew th' guard an' he knew me. "O, it's nobbut a friend o' mine'at's
+been asleep a bit an' didn't know we'd landed," aw sed.
+
+"And where is he off to? not to Paris surely? He'll be lost."
+
+"Nay, he'll nooan be lost for awm'baan wi' him to luk after him."
+
+Aw didn't see owt funny abaat that but he laft wol aw thowt he'd getten
+a spasm. "And who's going to look after thee, Sammywell?"
+
+"Well, when aw want a bigger fooil nor misen to keep me company awl ax
+thy maister if he can spare thee for a day or two."
+
+My temper isn't as long as it used to be an' aw didn't relish a strackle
+brain like him takkin' liberties wi' me, just as if he'd paid his fare
+an' we'd been paid for commin', an' aw wor i' hauf a mind to goa to th'
+firerup an' ligg a complaint, but Billy had his hand on his wayscoit
+agean an' began grooanin.
+
+"Well, what says ta," he sed, "are we to goa onny farther or stop whear
+we are? Aw wor nivver fit to set off i' this state an' aw should nivver
+ha' come but for thee. An' what are we to do wi' this luggage? An' what
+time does train start? An' whear does it start throo? An' what are we
+to do wi' ussen wol it does start? An' what's to come o' yond malt'at's
+masht? An' ha does ta expect an old woman like mi mother to be able to
+tun? It wor a wrang-heeaded affair ivver to set off an' if we nivver get
+back it'll be thy fault."
+
+"Bless mi life!" aw sed, "tha needn't goa! Tiler'll be a train back to
+Bradforth directly! Aw dooan't want thi to goa if it's agean thi mind!"
+
+"It's nooan mi mind it's mi stummack! if aw worn't sufferin' like this
+aw should be fain to goa; but say what it's to be; are we to goa forrad
+or turn back?"
+
+"Aw shall goa forrad an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Then aw shall goa forrad if tha does. Goa an' find aght all particlars
+an' see after this luggage an' mak all as reight an' square as tha can
+an' then if ther's time, tak me somewhear to get summat to stir this
+pain. Awm a deeal fitter for bed nor to be knockin' abaat like this."
+
+Aw left him wol aw made enquiries, but aw couldn't help wonderin' if
+Smith had as mich bother wi' me when he tuk me raand to see th' Seets i'
+Lundun as aw seemed likely to have wi' Billy.
+
+"The best plan for you to do is to take a cab and get your luggage to
+Victoria station, the train starts from there and they'll give you all
+information," sed th' pooarter aw ax'd. Ther wor plenty on'em an' we
+gate one an' wor sooin rollin' away. "Couldn't we ha' walked it, Sammy?
+Tha knows walkin' is far better for me nor bein' shook to bits in a
+ditherin' con-sarn like this."
+
+"It's too far to walk an' we'st be thear directly."
+
+"Has ta emptied that bottle?"
+
+"Eeah, does ta want summat? Awl stop th' cab in a minit."
+
+"Does fa want summat?'coss if tha doesn't tha's noa need to stop th'
+cab for th' sake o' me. Aw've been used to sufferin all mi life, an'
+happenfif aw did get summat aw should be noa better."
+
+But just then th' cab did stop an' when aw shoved mi heead aght to see
+th' reason on it, thear wor th' same railway guard sittin' on th' dicky
+ov another cab wi' my umberel ovver his shoolder, an' he wor grin-nin'
+like a Cheshire cat. "Is this thy parryshute, Sammywell?"
+
+"Awl shute thee if tha doesn't hand it ovver here!" aw says.
+
+A'a, but aw wor fain to see him, for if awd lost that umberel aw nivver
+dar ha' faced hooam! Ov coorse that wor a nice excuse to get aght an'
+have a leek on. Billy called for a pot o' hauf an' hafe, an' when he
+gate it up to his lips he held it thear soa long wol aw thowt he'd
+getten his teeth fast i'th pewter an' couldn't leeav lawse, but when
+he did put it daan th' bartender whipt it aght o'th' rooad ready
+for another customer an' Billy wiped his lips and gave a sigh o'
+satisfaction'at wor like music to me.
+
+"Nah, what does ta think o: that?" aw sed.
+
+"Middlin', but it's rayther short o' malt."
+
+Aw wor soa thankful to get mi'nelly back wol aw stood treat twice raand.
+"Aw'st ha' to be more carefui for th' futer," aw sed, "for aw wodn't
+pairt wi' it for its weight o' new ens."
+
+"If tha did tha'd be able to start a shop," sed Billy.
+
+"Why not have your name put on it?" sed th' guard.
+
+"Bith' mass! aw nivver thowt o' that!"
+
+"There's a shop next door but one, a regular umbrella hospital, I dare
+say they would do it for you in a few minutes, and you've got plenty of
+time; I'll stay with your friend till you come back."
+
+Aw went, an' gate inside aw tell'd what aw wanted to a nice modest
+lukkin' young woman, an' as sooin as shoo saw it, it seem'd to remind
+her ov her early days, maybe shoo'd an old mother somewhear'at had one
+like it, or a fayther moulderin' away i'th' churchyard'at had once been
+praad o' sich a one. Aw ommost felt sooary aw'd spokken, for whativver
+it wor, it made her bury her face in her white kertchy an' hurry away
+in a state o' agitation'at touched me to th' quick. In abaat a minit, a
+young bit ov a whipper-snapper ov a chap, wi' his hair pairted daan th'
+middle, comes, an' aw tell'd him what aw wanted. He seized hold ov it
+an' began handlin' it as if he'd noa more respect for it nor he had
+for hissen, (an' a chap'at pairts his hair daan th' middle is nivver
+troubled wi' mich,) an' then he started laffin' an' began axin' me all
+sooarts o' questions abaat it." "Young man," aw sed, "Aw didn't come here
+to give th' history o' my umbrella, aw coom to ax if yo could put mi
+name on it, an' if tha doesn't stop off messin' it up an' daan awl come
+raand an' see if my shoe tooa can stir thi brains a bit." He saw aw
+meant it so he sobered daan a bit an' handed it back to me, an' he sed
+'he wor varry sorry but it wom't i' their line, but if aw tuk it across
+to a ironmonger's opposite aw should happen be able to get a door-plate
+to fit it.' "An' if aw do," aw says, "awl come for thy heead for th'
+door nop an' when aw come aght o' that shop yo couldn't tell whear th'
+pairtin' o' that chap's hair had been, but awl bet it wom't i'th' middle
+for a wick or two at after.
+
+Aw didn't goa to th' ironmongers, but aw went back to whear aw'd left
+Billy, but he wor soa taen up wi' th' guard wol aw sat mi daan, quietly
+to wait an' as aw'd been put abaat a bit aw eased misen wi' havin' a
+tawk to mi umberel.--=
+
+```What matters if some fowk deride,
+
+````An' point wi' a finger o' scorn?
+
+```Th' time wor tha wor lukt on wi' pride,
+
+````Befoor mooast o' th' scoffers wor bom.
+
+```But awl ne'er turn mi back on a friend,
+
+````Tho' old fashioned an' grey like thisel;
+
+```But awl try to cling to thi to th' end,
+
+````Tho' tha'rt nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Whear wod th' young ens'at laff be to-day,
+
+````But for th' old ens they turn into fun?
+
+```Who wor wearin' thersen bent an' grey,
+
+````When theirdays had hardly begun?
+
+```Ther own youth will quickly glide past;
+
+````If they live they'll all grow old thersel;
+
+```An' they'll long for a true friend at last,
+
+````Though it's nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Tha's grown budgey, an' faded, an' worn,
+
+````Yet thi inside is honest an' strong,
+
+```But thi coverin's tattered an' torn,
+
+````An' awm feeard'at tha cannot last long.
+
+```But when th' few years 'at's left us have run,
+
+````An' to th' world we have whispered farewells;
+
+```May they say'at my duty wor done,
+
+````As weel as mi old umberel's.'=
+
+Awd getten soa far when they called me to'em, an' after another sup we
+bid gooid day to th' guard, gate into th' cab an' wor sooin at Victoria
+station.
+
+When we gate thear, we fan th' train didn't start till past eight
+o'clock. "Nah, tha's getten us into a bonny mullock, tha has! Aw thowt
+tha reckoned to know summat abaat travellin'. We've hauf a day to goa
+wanderin' abaat an' me i' this state--net fit to walk a yard. What does
+ta mean to do? We'd happen better caar here? An' ther's three quarters
+o' malt i'th' mash at hooam an' here aw am hallockin' abaat fast what to
+do wi' mi time."
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat thy three quarters o' malt, Billy; if tha'rt soa
+anxious abaat it tha should ha' stopt wi' it or else browt it wi' thi!
+Awm baan to have summat to ait an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Nay, aw nooan want to pleeas misen, net aw marry! Aw've come here o'
+purpose to pleas thee. Do whativver tha likes it'll be reight to me;
+tha's getten me here nah soa aw mun mak th' best on't."
+
+We set off an' had a long walk an' aw could see'at he wor a bit capt as
+we passed some o' th' big buildins an' monuments soa aw ax'd his opinion
+on'em.
+
+"Varry fair, considerin'," he sed, "but aw expected findin' 'em bigger,
+an' thes nooan on'em ovver cleean."
+
+"Why," aw sed, "tha'll have to goa a long way to find bigger nor theas."
+
+"They're noa bigger, accordinglye to th' place nor yond little haase o'
+mine up at th' moor end."
+
+Aw tuk him into a place whear aw knew we could get a gooid meal at a
+reasonable rate an' axt him what he'd have.
+
+"Aw dunnot know what to say--ther's nowt aw dar touch wi' mi stummack i'
+this state--thee order what tha likes."
+
+"Awm gooin' in for a mutton chop an' some fried puttates."
+
+"Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for
+aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect
+it willn't be fit to sup."
+
+Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his
+didn't last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for
+a matter o' five minits nawther on us spake.
+
+"Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"
+
+"Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine,
+but if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to
+put th' price on it awl warrant."
+
+Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he
+polished'em.
+
+"Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk
+o' cake.
+
+"Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas
+at hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll
+agree wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."
+
+Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an'
+we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.
+
+It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see
+after tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen
+shillin' a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther
+must be some mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it
+wor all reight, ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd
+Billy, an' ax'd what we should do.--"Do just as tha likes," he says,
+"tha has it all i' thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can
+awther goa or stop just as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich
+things, it's nobbut thee'at has all th' knowledge;--but _aw know what aw
+wish._"
+
+As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets
+an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy
+slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin'
+"Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he
+sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to
+set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."
+
+Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we
+could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight
+agate o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd
+ha' seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on
+a par wi' all tha does!--but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember
+thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"
+
+Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a
+table full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor
+sooin off, but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa
+up stairs, so we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses
+all grinnin' an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a
+guess what it meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor
+rainin' an' blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th'
+Atlantic Ocean. Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor
+fain to let mi cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire
+rooap an' ther wor noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him
+in a bit, "Tha'rt varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"
+
+"Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he
+lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just
+abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet
+it wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained
+ovver to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw
+nivver lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear
+an' aw saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."
+
+After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land,
+whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a
+little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood
+to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.
+
+"What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas
+he wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to
+Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta
+feel?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an'
+aw tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back
+hooam."
+
+"Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll
+goa straight back hooam."
+
+"Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"
+
+After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable
+carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened
+th' sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin'
+in th' harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle
+saanded an' th' train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at
+hauf-past six o' one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When
+we gate aght o'th' station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to
+seek lodgins.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."
+
+He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th'
+sky, an' finished off wi' starin' at me.
+
+"Well?" aw says.
+
+"Why, it's nowt!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III. JENDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9035]
+
+S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit
+to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an'
+as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked
+as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he
+wor. "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.
+
+"Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they
+liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin
+aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.
+
+"Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try
+some quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to
+Dick an' run th' risk o' what it costs?"
+
+"Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."
+
+Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th'
+winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th'
+shop for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered
+an' a young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an'
+dried in a hurry, coom to meet us--"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.
+
+"Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.
+
+"Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain
+English?"
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English
+they tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."
+
+"Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant
+believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.
+
+"Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite--Have,
+you,--a--bedroom?"
+
+"Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"
+
+"Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt
+touch her wi' th' tangs!"
+
+We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if
+th' smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another
+try--French this time,--"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed,
+"what is it tha wants?"
+
+"E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"
+
+"Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw
+reckon?"
+
+"Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste--for aw should'nt
+care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd
+ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a
+bit o' summat to ait if we want it?"
+
+"Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up."
+
+"Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like."
+
+"Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin
+browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he
+nobbut just tasted on it an' put it daan agean.
+
+"Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister.
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,--it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an'
+sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do
+yo allussell it warm like that?"
+
+"Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep
+it i' ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant
+know th' difference--Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be
+luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that
+befoor yo've been long."
+
+"Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense--why, when awm
+brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on."
+
+"Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a
+Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm
+back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?"
+
+We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin
+it, aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?
+
+"Th' place ud do weel enuff if ther wor owt to be made at it, but ther
+isnt hauf as monny fowk as what ther's accomodation for, aw've lost a
+gooid bit o' brass sin aw coom an' if yo ax other fowk they'll tell yo
+th' same tale."
+
+When we'd finished he tuk us up a corkscrew staircase an' showed us two
+raams--they wor cleean, thers noa denyin' that, an' they wor furnished,
+after a fashion--part Parisian an' pairt Brummagem--aw should think what
+wor in em booath had'nt been bowt for a penny less nor thirty shillin',
+but ther wor white lace curtains up to th' winders an' they lukt varry
+weel throo th' aghtside an' that wor all at mattered. We booath on us
+wanted a wesh, an' on a little table we'd each on us a cream jug an'
+sugar basin, an' we had to mak th' best on em; thear wor noa feear on
+us sloppin' ony watter abaat, for if we had ther'd ha been nooan left.
+After dippin' us finger ends in we rubbed us faces ovver an' tryin' to
+believe at we wor a deeal better for th' trouble we started for a luk
+raand aghtside. Aw thowt Billy lukt varry glum agean an' as he did'nt
+offer to tell me th' reason aw axd him if ther wor owt'at had'nt suited
+him?
+
+"Ther's nowt'at has suited me soa far, an' what's moor nor that ther's
+net likely to be--an' to mend matters when aw come to luk i' mi box, awm
+blessed if aw hav'nt come withaat a cleean shirt."
+
+"Why," aw says, "ther's a shop across th' rooad at sells em soa tha can
+easily mak that reight," soa we went inside an' aw tell'd him as plain
+as iwer aw could spaik'at we wanted a shirt, an' aw pointed to his mucky
+dicky. "Wee, wee," he sed, an' jabbered away, an' Billy tawked back to
+him like a man, an' gave him sich a karacter i' broad Yorsher as awm
+sewer he wod'nt want i' writin' if he wor lukkin aght for a fresh shop.
+Th' ticket wor easy to read soa Billy paid him six francs an' walked
+away wi it in a breet green paper box, an' we turned back to us lodgins
+for him to put it on. He had'nt been up stairs long befoor aw thowt one
+ov his bilious attacks had come on agean--"Sammy!" he bawled aght, "come
+here!" soa aw went to see what wor to do.
+
+"Luk thear! What does yond chap tak us for? Awm in a gooid mind to tak
+this back an' shove it daan his throit! Is ther owt like a woman abaat
+me, thinks ta?"
+
+Thear it wor reight enuff, printed on th' box i' big letters, "Chemise."
+"Well, he's varry likely made a mistak, here mistress!" aw sed as shoo
+wor just passin th' door, "shirt--he wants a shirt an' they've seld him
+a shift." Shoo lifted her e'e broos ommost to th' top ov her heead an'
+lukt at th' box an' then shoo pointed to his dicky an' sed, "Chemise!
+wee, wee."
+
+"Shoo's war nor a guinea pig, wi her ivverlastin' 'wee wee,'" sed
+Billy, an' he wor shuttin' th' box up agean but shoo coom up an' tuk it
+aght an' awm blowed if it wornt a shirt after all. After that we decided
+to goa to th' Exhibition an' spend th' furst day thear--but as Billy wor
+detarmined net to walk an' wod call at ivvery shop'at had one o' Bass's
+or Alsop's cards ith' winder it tuk us wol after dinnertime to get
+thear, but it wornt after th' time'at we could do wi a dinner for all
+that, but ther wor soa mich to see wol aitin seem'd ommost aght o' th'
+question--even Billy, although he wor walkin up an daan oppen maath
+seemed to ha forgetten to grow dry. They manage theas things better i'
+France; (aw fancy aw've heeard that befoor) but although aw know awst
+nivver be able to do justice to it, yet aw think aw owt to give yo as
+gooid an' accaant as aw can. Well then to begin wi; we'll goa back a
+little bit an' mak a fair start.
+
+In a strange country mooast things luk strange an' ith' walk we'd had we
+saw a deeal at capt us, but nowt moor surprisin' nor th' amaant o' ugly
+wimmen. We'd come prepared to be dazzled wi female luvliness an' grand
+dresses but ther wor nowt at sooart to see. Th' mooast on em wor dark
+skinned--sharp een'd, podgy-bodied, dowdy-donned crayturs'at lukt varry
+mich like wesherwimmen aght o' wark. Th' chaps wor better lukkin' bi
+th' hauf, but Billy sed he thowt they'd luk better if they'd stop off
+suppin' red ink an' get some gooid ale an' beef onto ther booans. But
+ther's one thing'at aw dooant believe ony Frenchman can do, an' that is,
+slouch along th' street wi his hands in his pockets like a thorough-bred
+Yorksherman! Even them at's huggin looads o' boxes an' hampers o' ther
+rig, (sich looads as a Yorksher chap ud stand an' luk at wol somdy went
+an' fotched a horse an' cart,) trip away as if they'd somewhear to goa,
+an' as if ther feet had been created to carry ther body an' net as if
+it wor th' body at had been intended to trail th' feet after it. An' yet
+someha or other, nubdy seemed to be in a hurry--th' street cars are run
+thear to save th' trouble o' walkin', but ther seems to be noa idea o'
+savin time. If a chap wants to ride he nivver thinks to wait wol a
+car comes up to him, he walks on till he ovvertaks one. Th' cabs are a
+little bit better as regards speed but aw could'nt help thinkin' at if
+they'd give th' horses moor oats an' less whip it ud be better for all
+sides. Aw nivver i' mi life heeard owt like th' whipcrackin' at wor
+to be heeard ith' busy streets, it reminded me o' nowt soa mich as th'
+fourth o' July in America; ivvery driver wor alike an' ther whips
+went wi as mich regilarity as a wayver's pickin' stick. To us it wor
+a newsance an' for th' chaps it must ha been hard wark but th' horses
+did'nt seem to tak ony nooatice--but if they give'em plenty o' whip aw
+dooant think they oft kill'em wi wark, for we passed monny a team o' six
+or eight mucky lukkin' grays, big booaned an' ill tended an' wi heeads
+on'em like soa monny churns turned th' wrang end up, at wor walkin' i'
+single file an' suppooased to be draggin' a waggon wi a looad ov abaat
+hauf a tun. Ther wor noa shops or buildins'at had owt abaat'em to admire
+an' aw must confess aw felt a trifle disappointed, but aw wor detarmined
+net to show it, for Billy had curled up his nooas when he started aght
+an' if he did spaik at all it wor allusth' same strain o' regret for
+what he'd left, an' contempt for all he'd fun.
+
+This wornt varry mich to be wondered at, as we discovered next day'at
+we'd been trailin abaat throo all th' back slums an' had nivver once
+getten onto th' reight track, an' it wor moor bi gooid luck nor gooid
+management at we ivver fan th' exhibition buildin' at all, but when we
+did, even Billy could'nt grummel. It wor a queer feelin at coom ovver me
+when aw went in. Aw seemed to sink into insignificance all at once, an'
+aw could'nt help thinkin' at ther wor happen moor trewth i' what awr
+Mally had tell'd me nor awd felt inclined to admit,--Aw could see at
+Billy wor as mich capt as me for he walked a yard or two an' then stopt
+to turn raand, an' his een lukt fairly to be startin' aght ov his heead,
+an' his lower jaw hung onto his shirt as if th' back hinge ov his face
+had brokken. "Nah," aw says, "what does ta think abaat this? will this
+do for thi?" but he nobbut gave me a luk an' withaat spaikin' went a
+yard or two farther an' turned raand agean. After a while we gained th'
+oppen air agean an' then we sat daan whear we could have a view o' th'
+watter fall an faantens. "This is grand," aw sed.
+
+"Tha says reight for once, an'to tell th' plain trewth nah, awm nooan
+sooary aw've come, for it'll fit me to tawk abaat for monny a year."
+
+"Well, awm glad tha's fun summat to suit thi an' aw think tha will be
+suited befoor we've done; for th' buildin' we've come throo is varry
+little moor nor th' gateway to a show at occupies 140 acres. Aw dooant
+think we've owt i' England to equal that!"
+
+"Now!--Bith' heart! Sammy; if a chap could nobbut get that buildin' at
+a easy rent, an' start it as a brewery it ud lick owt o' th' sooart we
+have! Tha sees ther's plenty o' gooid watter--yo could pile yor barrels
+up ith' centre thear--therms plenty o' raam for th' waggons to goa in
+an' aght--th' brewin plant could be fixed at this end--th' malt an' hops
+could be kept i' one o' them steeples, an' th' grains could be shot
+aght o' that winder. It mud ha been built for it. It nobbut wants them
+moniments an' gim-cracks clearin aght, an' it could be made to do i' noa
+time ommost.
+
+"Well, Sammy aw must say awm fain aw've come, an if tha's a mind, we'll
+get aght o' th' sun an' see if we can get summat to sup, but we will'nt
+have ale this time; aw dooant feel to care soa mich abaat it just nah.
+If tha's nowt agean it we'll join at one o' them bottles o' red ink; it
+can nobbut pooisen us'schews ha."
+
+Aw felt soa mad wol aw could'nt help wishin' at it wod pooisen him for
+aw thowt he desarved it. We went to a bonny little place whear aw saw
+some bottles an' glasses, aw dooant know what to call it, but it wor
+a sooart ov a goa between a public haase an' a summer haase, an' aw
+managed to mak' a bonny young lass understand what we wanted, an' shoo
+sarved us wi a smilin' face an' as mich curtseyin' as if we'd gooan to
+ax abaat th' vallyation, an' when aw held aght a handful o' silver for
+her to tak pay aght on, shoo nobbut tuk one French shillin, an' yo
+can buy em at tuppence apiece less nor awrs. We thowt that wor bein'
+gentlemen at a varry cheap rate. Yo may hardly believe it, but aw've
+paid three times as mich for stuff'at has'nt been hauf as gooid,--"Aw
+call this reasonable," aw says.
+
+"Cheap as muck," sed Billy, "its worth that mich to see a bonny lass
+like that--tha sees shoo's like a lady an' shoo knows manners too. Its a
+thaasand pities at shoo connot tawk gradely English."
+
+"It is; shoo's to be pitied for that. English fowk have a deeal to
+be thankful for, but happen shoo's satisfied, for shoo'll be able to
+understand other fowk."
+
+"Tha munnat tell me at a lass like yond can ivver be satisfied wi a lot
+o' gabberin' fowk at cant tawk soas to be understood, shoo's like yond
+buildin' we've just come throo, shoo owt to be put to a better purpose.
+A'a! what a brewus yond wod mak'!"
+
+"Well, tha knows we've all noations ov us own, an' aw connot agree wi
+thee thear. Tha seems to care nowt abaat art, all tha thinks on is ale."
+
+"Well, did ta ivver know onnybody at filled ther belly o' art? Nah aw've
+known monny a one do it wi ale. That's th' way to luk at it."
+
+"It's thy way but it is'nt mine, but as time's gooin on lets goa into
+th' place whear all theas wonderful things are to be seen."
+
+"Goa thi ways, for thar't th' mooast restless chap aw ivver knew, tha'rt
+like a worm on a whut backstun, an' if tha gets into a comfortable
+corner tha will'nt stop. It's nice an' cooil here, but awst be sweltered
+i' th' sunshine. If th' weather's owt like this at hooam it'll play the
+hangment wi yond galcar."
+
+Awm net gooin to say mich abaat th' Exhibition for one or two
+reasons--furst is aw think it's been a deeal better done bi somdy else,
+an' second, it'll tak up soa mich time, an' ther's net monny fowk at
+has'nt seen one, an' they're all mackley--Its enuff to say at this
+licks all at's gooan befoor it, an' 'at noa Englishman had ony need to
+shame for his country, an' nubdy had moor cause for pride nor Yorksher
+fowk. We roamed abaat for an' haar or two but feastin' one's een does'nt
+satisfy th' stummack, an' soa aw hinted at we should goa to th' English
+buffet whear my guide book sed we could get owt we wanted to ait an'
+find fowk at could tawk English. As sooin as aw mentioned it Billy sed
+he cared nowt for a buffet, he'd a deeal rayther have a arm cheer, but
+when aw explained what it wor he wor ready enuff to goa. Awd been warned
+befoor aw coom abaat extortion an' roagery an' tell'd what awful charges
+they made for simple things, but aw meant havin summat daycent to ait
+whativver it cost--soa we sat daan an' ordered soop, an' a plate o' rost
+beef an' puttates, an' some roily polly puddin for a start, an' we thowt
+if that wornt enuff, we'd ax if they could give us a plate o' pie. We
+sooin gate throo th' soop, but we sat a long time waitin' for th'
+rost beef to follow. Next to Billy wor a Frenchman an' his wife,--(aw
+sup-pooas Frenchmen have wives sometimes,)--an' one o' th' waiters browt
+him a nice plate o' boiled chicken, soa we thowt, but he didnt seem
+to tak onny noatice on it but went on wi his tawkin--Billy kept lukkin
+first at him an' then at th' plate an' at last he turned to me an' says,
+"This chap doesnt seem hungry an' its a pity to see this gooin cold," soa
+he shifted th' plate an' began to wire in. It did'nt tak him aboon three
+minutes to finish th' lot an' he passed back th' empty plate,--an' just
+then th' waiter coom wi awr rost beef. We'd just getten fairly started
+when th' Frenchman turned raand to begin, an' when he saw th' plate wi
+nowt on it he lukt as if he could ha swallered them at had swallered
+his dinner, an' he called for th' waiter an' be th' way he shaated an'
+shrugged his shoolders it wor plain to be seen'at he wor lettin somdy
+have it hot, but that did'nt affect Billy for he wor cooil enough an'
+stuck to his mark like a brick, but this Frenchman wor detarmined net to
+let it drop soa easily, an' he stormed an' raved as if he'd been robbed
+ov a pop-ticket, "Whats to do wi this cranky fooil," sed Billy?
+
+Th' waiter could spaik English an' he says, "This gentleman says that he
+has had nothing to eat and he wont pay, and I am certain I brought him a
+dish of stewed frogs, and now he wants to declare he's never seen them!"
+
+Billy's face went as white as mi hat, an' he dropt his knife an' fork,
+"Nah, aw've done it!" he sed, spaikin' to me, "awst be pooisened, aw know
+aw shall! It's all thy fault an' tha'll ha to answer for it."
+
+"Awd nowt to do wi it, tha should let stuff alooan at doesnt belang to
+thi; but ha did they taste?"
+
+"Aw thowt awd nivver had owt as grand i' mi life an' aw wor meeanin to
+have another plate but nah at aw know what it wor awd rayther ha gien a
+fiver nor ha touched sich-like powse. Tha mun promise me nivver to tell
+when we get back, or else they'll plague me abaat it as long as they've
+a day to live."
+
+He seemed to ha lost his appetite after this, but aw stuck to mi corner
+an' made a rattlin dinner an' when awd to pay, an' it wor nobbut two
+franks an' a hauf (that's little moor nor two bob,) aw felt varry mich
+inclined to ax em if they could let us have a bed for th' neet, an then
+awd send for awr Mally an' live thear for six months, for awm sewer
+aw could'nt live as cheap at hooam. Then we went to have a luk at th'
+picturs, an' aw felt praader nor ivver as aw went throo th' English
+gallery--it wor grand! but ther wor others at wor ommost as gooid.
+
+Ther wor a lot o' gooid paintins i' th' French gallery, an' it towt me
+th' meanin o' what fowk call 'poor art,' for th' French art is too poor
+to find clooas for th' men an' wimmen they paint, for throo one end o'
+th' raam to t'other it lukt like nowt as mich as a empty swimmin bath
+whear a craad o' wimmin, three rows deep, wor waitin' for th' watter
+to come in. Billy pooled a handful o' copper aght ov his pocket an'
+reckoned to be thrang caantin it, wol he gat aghtside, for he could'nt
+fashion to luk up, an' aw felt thankful at Mally wor at hooam. Awve noa
+daat ther wor a deeal o' beauty at we missed, an' a deeal o' things'at
+wor varry trew to natur but its possible for trewth to be too bare-faced
+at times. It had getten farish on ith' day when we coom aght, dazed and
+maddled wi th' wonders'at we'd seen, (an' we had'nt seen a quarter o'
+what wor thear) an' we felt at a cup o' teah, wod'nt do us ony harm soa
+we started off for us lodgins.
+
+Billy sed he'd had enough o' walkin' an' he wod'nt stir another peg till
+we gat a cab, soa aw put up mi finger an' one coom. Aw tried all
+th' French aw knew an' a gooid deeal o' th' English but he could'nt
+understand a word, soa aw wrate th' name o' th' place an' th' name o'
+th' street on a card an' gave it him an' he grinned like a Cheshire cat
+an' started off. It wor then we began to find aght what Payris wor like.
+We went throo one big archway at they call Arc de Triomphe de'Etoile,
+an' it fairly made us tremmel. Aw lukt at mi guide book, (an' yo can do
+th' same if yo have one,) an' gat to know all abaat it, an' what it had
+cost; aw cant say'at it seems varry useful but its varry ornamental. We
+rattled on throo bustlin streets whear th' shops wor palaces, an' ther
+wor soa mich to tak us fancy at we tuk noa noatice o' th' cab chap
+wol he pooled up suddenly ith' front ov a arched passage an' coom an'
+oppened th' door an' pointin to th' haase he mooationed us to get
+aght. But it wom't th' reight shop! 'Café du Nord,' wor printed up an
+'Manchester House,' wor on a big sign an' 'English spoken,' wor i' big
+gold letters on th' winders but it wor nawther th' same place nor th'
+same street at we'd left ith' mornin. Aw gat aght to mak enquiries but
+Billy wod'nt stir. "Arnt ta baan to get aght?" aw sed.
+
+"Awst stir nooan wol yo find th' reight shop, awm varry comfortable
+here."
+
+Aw did'nt feel varry comfortable, but aw went inside to mak a few
+enquiries, but they mud as weel ha been Objibberaway Indians for ony
+sense aw could mak on em, they did plenty o' bowin an' scrapin an'
+hutchin up o' ther shoolders but that did'nt help me ony, soa aw gate
+hold o' one chap bi th' collar an' tuk him an' planted him opposite th'
+words 'English Spoken,' an' aw says, "Nah then, can ta read that?" "Wee,
+wee," he sed an' off he set, an' aw lukt for th' cab an' Billy but awd
+hard wark to find 'it for ther wor a craad o' fowk gethered raand an'
+th' driver wor stampin an' ravin away at Billy wol he fair fooamed
+at th' maath, an' aw felt thankful just then'at aw did'nt understand
+French, for my belief is at he wornt prayin for him to get aght but
+swearin at him for stoppin in, but Billy wor lainin back smookin a
+cigar an' seemed to be enjoyin it. "Sacrey mon dew!" he shaated at him.
+"Sacrey thisen, if tha wants," sed Billy, "awst nooan stir aght o' this
+wol tha finds th' reight shop; if tha connot find it awm sewer aw connot
+an' aw've trailed abaat wol awm stall'd."
+
+But, for a blessin, th' chap at awd had hold on, coom back an' browt a
+lass wi him, one at aw sup-pooas wor kept o' purpose for th' job, an'
+as shoo happened to know as mich English as aw did French we gate on
+famously. At last aw bethowt me o' th' railway station an' that shoo
+seemed to understand, an' shoo tell'd th' driver summat, but he seemed
+to think he'd had enuff on us, but aw shoved him o' one side an' set
+daan along-side Billy, an' as he could see noa way else aght on it, he
+jumpt on th' dicky an' tuk his revenge aght o' th' horse. Be-foor he gat
+us to th' station aw saw th' haase we wor seekin soa aw stopt him, an'
+we gat aght, an' as we gave him double his fare he gave us a flourishin'
+salute an drave off. As aw wor gooin in at th' door Billy pooled me back
+an' pointed to two little childer abaat eight year old an' he laft wol
+he could'nt spaik for ivver so long, "He, he, he, ho! did ta ivver come
+across owt like that? Tha mun tell Mally abaat that when tha gets hooam
+for it licks all! Why even th' bits o' childer can tawk French!" an' it
+wor true too, tho' when aw coom to consider abaat it aw did'nt see owt
+soa varry wonderful in it after all.
+
+A cup o' teah an' a walk to th' railway station whear we gat a gooid
+wesh for a penny, freshened us up a bit an' we prepared to spend th'
+furst neet i' Payris th' same as mooast fowk do; that is, we started
+aght i' hoaps at we should see summat at we should condemn after we'd
+seen it, an' deplore th' existence ov th' varry things at form th'
+principal attraction for nine aght o' ivvery ten at pay a visit to
+th' finest city ith' world, whear gaiety flooats ovver th' surface o'
+ivverything an' th' cankerin sorrow is busy deep ith' heart.=
+
+```A sorrowing heart ne'er seems as sad
+
+````As when'midst gaiety;
+
+```You see beneath the flimsy veil,
+
+````Its writhing misery.=
+
+```The apple with the golden rind,
+
+````The greedy eye gloats o'er,
+
+```But then, alas,'tis sad to find
+
+````Dry ashes at its core.=
+
+```The smiling face, the beaming eye.
+
+````The soft and snowy skin;
+
+```Turns pleasure into horror when
+
+````We find all black within.=
+
+```Better the humblest face and form.
+
+````If virtue dwells therein;
+
+```Than all the beauties that adorn
+
+````The inward heart of sin.=
+
+[Illustration: 0053]
+
+[Illustration: 0054]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR.
+
+[Illustration: 9054]
+
+OULEVARD des Italiens;--aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
+saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut
+a street after all.)
+
+When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
+carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into
+one fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry
+nearly ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith'
+front on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an'
+chattin an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther
+wor one thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther
+wives an' ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt
+tell owt they sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen.
+We walked along, starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor
+strange to us. Th' gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes,
+an' they wor leeted up like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or
+cigar shops, an' th' leets throo th' winders made all seem as breet as
+day ommost. Even Billy seemed satisfied wi it.
+
+But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
+corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
+th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
+away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook
+or strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor
+varry gooid friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th'
+Tuileries Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor
+workin, an' th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen
+furst rate, an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an'
+he wor soa takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry,
+an' it wornt until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a
+maath. It wor strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see
+awm leearnin French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa,
+"When yo're i' Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant
+think at th' ale is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled
+on until we saw summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we
+made for that. Aw thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for
+some famous chap to goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an'
+shooldered mi umberel an' walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it
+wor noa use jfor we had to pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot!
+It wor unlike owt awd ivver seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat
+fairy land, but fairy land wor a fooil to it--faantens an' flaars an'
+coloured lamps ivverywhear an' ith' middle on it all wor a stage for
+doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we wor lukkin at it a chap comes up
+an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life.
+"Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm blessed if aw can tell whear aw've
+met thi befoor," an' he held aght his hand to shake hands wi him an'
+as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved him a ticket into it an' stood
+waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear, soa aw tuk one an' gave
+th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw at they wer nobbut
+programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up, th' doncin stage
+wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young wimmen aw ivver
+saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt but angels,) an'
+ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy an' me wor ith'
+front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver forget, but one
+such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe th' pen's been
+made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor like. It wor
+indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin an' attempt
+at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes an'
+played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
+em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an'
+wimmen, some on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,--young, an'
+innocent;--will ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net.
+An' soa that's what all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an'
+temples is for. A glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels
+to hide a festerin sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck;
+an' bi that means to thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an'
+seek for admiration, an' applause for that which makes ivvery drop o'
+virtuous blooid i' yor body stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th'
+inmost chamber o' yor heart to mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister,
+Modesty.
+
+We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,)
+an' then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut
+th' middle word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat
+thear we pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to,
+for we wor just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho'
+aw dreamt a gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha
+liked em, for all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as
+aw could to get aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi
+th' pooaker i' one hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother
+to blow me up, an' fowk a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh
+heeld booits, silk stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw
+wor thankful to find at aw wor at a safe distance throo em all, an'
+especially Mally. But ther wor a fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam
+to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw could reight reckon it up, but when
+aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if
+ther'd been a whut cinder under me an' flew to see what wor to do. It
+wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw had'nt, one o' them two wod ha
+been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha been Billy. Nah, awve monny
+a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage ther is in a pair o' booits
+an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met a brave man when in his
+shirt an nowt else--let a chap have his booits an' his britches on, an'
+he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent throo his heead or his heart,
+but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit an' run th' risk o' havin'
+ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght o' th' arms o' Morpheus,
+aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate into th' next hoil an'
+went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an' another chap, aw lukt
+varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha lukt like at my age if
+they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've allusseen him pictured in
+as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one Englishman is equal to
+two Frenchmen at ony time--but like a lot moor o' th' old sayins it
+isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can bother a couple o'
+Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an' this happened to
+be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us booath if he'd
+takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he left Billy an'
+stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt aght for a
+chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that settled him.
+If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf as helpless,
+as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call it ovver
+coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi it,)
+hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off Billy's
+bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin' sheet;
+but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
+shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
+makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap
+he wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does
+ta think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
+muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened
+up he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets,
+an' when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away
+as mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest
+to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo shaated
+an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo
+wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked
+aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another
+'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy
+ith' mornin."
+
+[Illustration: 0061]
+
+
+DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9061]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored
+up pleasant memories an fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th furst time sin
+he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid clothes early in the morning
+an' brush them and bring them back, he's the valet de chambre.
+
+"Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi
+own haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus,
+an' he'd nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich
+obleeged to yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen
+espescially, an' then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an'
+donned awst be ready to answer for it."
+
+"Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
+
+"Happen net,--but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
+turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin
+a bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a
+couple o' cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor
+to be sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been
+a cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman
+wi a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
+nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
+ha done for his braik-fast.
+
+Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle
+just to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a
+handful o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk
+aght one france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a
+sodger, an' he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin
+an' makkin bows an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.--Thinks aw, a
+little brass gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two
+chaps at hooam, one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended
+that for em booath.
+
+We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began
+to plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after
+starin at me for a minit, he gave me a letter--When aw saw th' envelop
+aw did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally
+an' shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at
+Sammywell Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood
+bi forriners, shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i'
+Lundun," an' pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
+
+"Public Haase,
+
+Payris."
+
+[Illustration: 0064]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V. VENDREDI.
+
+MALLY'S LETTER.
+
+Deer Sammywell.
+
+If tha doesnt get this letter be sewer an' rite to let me know as awm
+nooan fond o' wastin mi time penkin ower a piece a papper all for nowt
+an' if tha does get it tha need'nt bother to let me know for awm ommost
+at mi wits end an' fowks cryin shame on thi for leeavin me as tha does
+an' aw've had nowt to ait nobbut a cup o' teah sin tha left except a
+beefsteak an' a box o' pills an' ha they'll do for me aw connot tell yet
+but awl let thi know next letter an' tha mun tell me iwerything tha does
+an' says for awve had a nasty dream abaat thi an' aw fancied tha wor
+an' angel an' aw dooant want thi to fly away an' leeav me befoor tha's
+settled thi club'at should o' been paid last wick an' awr Hepsaba says
+at they'll happen present thi wi a legion o' horror an' if they do aw
+want thi to leeav it behind for we've lots o' flaysom stuff here already
+an' black clocks creeps abaat wi as mich cheek as if it wor them at paid
+th' rent an' we're swarmin wi flees noa moor at present soa tak care
+o' thi umberel an' be careful for tha knows what aw meean for tha'rt
+a gronfather an aw believe awr Hepsaba's child is gooin to have th'
+meeasles wi kind love noa moor at present Billy's mother is ommost ranty
+abaat him for th' last brewin is soa waik wol it will'nt run aght o' th'
+barrel an soa noa moor at present--=
+
+```A'a Sammywell ha can ta fashun
+
+```To leav thi wife i' this here fashion
+
+```When tha owt to be at hooam mindin thi wark.
+
+```But aw believe tha wor nivver fond o' wark.=
+
+Nah tha sees aw can rite as weel as thee an' if ther isnt as mich poetry
+in it thers a deeal moor sense in it nor ther is ith' mooast o' thine
+soa noa moor at present An' aw remane
+
+Thi lawful wife an' dooant forget it
+
+Mally Grimes.
+
+A'a! shoos th' same old lass as ivver shoo wor an' wi all her faults aw
+love her still. "Nah Billy, whear are we to steer to to-day? What says
+ta if we goa an' have a luk at th' Tuileries for they tell me at its a
+grand spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it! Aw wish we wor gooin back hooam for aw call this
+a waste o' booath time an' brass."
+
+"Oh, tha'll begin to enjoy thisen nah an' awm sewer tha luks better an'
+aw hav'nt heeard thi say owt abaat bein bilious sin yesterdy mornin."
+
+"Bilious! Who th' duce does ta think can be bilious in a country like
+this? Ther's nowt to get bilious on!"
+
+"Awm sewar tha's seemd to enjoy thisen as far as aitin an' drinkin's
+consarned, happen tha'd like a bottle o' ale befoor we start off?"
+
+"Nay aw want noa ale. Aw dooant fancy it here th' same as when awm
+at hooam. Aw wonder ha mi poor mother's gettin on. Ther's that three
+quarters o' malt, an' here am aw payin soa mich a day for hallockin mi
+time away dooin nowt; but let's start off for if ther's owt to see we
+may as weel be lukkin."
+
+It wor a grand mornin, th' sky wor a breeter blue nor awd ivver seen it
+an' as we walked on th' river side all wor gay an' bustlin, an' th' air
+wor soa pure an' sweet wol it made us booath feel leeter, an' altho' it
+wor varry whut it did'nt seem to weary us. Th' Tooileries, (yo can buy
+a pictur on em for a penny,) aw shall'nt forget em in a hurry, we walked
+raand em but it ud ha killed th' best pairt ov a day to ha done em
+justice, pairt on em wor still standin up, blackened ruins, a monument
+grim an' ghastly to testify to th' blind fury ov a lot o' misguided
+fanatics at had escaped aght o' th' harness ov law's authority, an' to
+gratify ther unreasonin desires for destruction, wrecked beauties, at
+nawther ther brains nor ther purses had ever helpt to raise, an' left
+as a legacy to others, th' cost an' th' labor to patch up, an' as far as
+can be, replace what their senseless rage had destroyed, an' to try to
+blot aght th' black stain,'at an' insane mob had left on the blooid red
+page ov th' darkest day throo which fair France has passed.
+
+We went throo th' Louvre next, an' if Payris could booast nowt else it
+could still hold up its heead an' be praad;--even Billy wor varry quiet
+as we went throo one gallery after another, an' aw must confess'at aw
+wornt sooary when we gate aght for ther wor soa mich to dazzle one wol
+th' pleasur wor painful. Just as we turned th' corner, Billy clapt his
+hand o' mi shoolder an' browt us booath to a deead stand--"Sithee! by
+gum! did ta ivver see sich a oonion as that i' thi life?"
+
+Aw lukt, an' reight enuff it wor a queer object at wor anent us, an'
+it did'nt luk mich unlike a monster oonion th' wrang end up, an' as it
+sway'd throo side to side it lukt like th' dome o' St. Paul's on th'
+rant, "Why," aw says, "that's th' baloon! What says ta if we have a
+ride?"
+
+"Whear too?"
+
+"Up ith' air an' daan agean."
+
+"But what better shall we be when we get daan agean?"
+
+"When we goa up we shall be able to see all ovver Payris at once, an'
+it'll be a grand seet."
+
+"Will it!--Well if tha thinks awve come here to mak as big a fooil o'
+misen as tha art, thart mistakken if tha wants to goa sky-larkin tha
+can goa, but if awve ony larks awl have em o' th' graand."
+
+"Well, Billy, aw nivver thowt tha'd be flaid ov a bit ov a thing like
+that, aw gave thi credit for moor pluck."
+
+"Pluck! does ta think at aw've kept a aleus at th' moorend all theas
+years withaat pluck? Ther's moor pluck i' my little finger nor ther is
+ith' whooal carcase ov a played-aght-old-poverty-knocker like thee, an'
+if aw tak a fancy to goa up to th' mooin, aw shall goa!"
+
+We'd to pay a franc to get into th' square whear it wor, an' then it wor
+20 francs to have a ride, "ray-ther a heigh price," aw sed to Billy.
+
+"Well its happen a heigh journey," he sed, "but awst want to have a
+gooid luk at it befoor aw ventur, net at aw care owt abaat it whether
+its safe or net, but just to see ha its contrived for commin daan. Well,
+aw do wonder what they'll do next! ther's engines here big enuff to work
+a factory, an' a rooap thick enuff to tug th' Great Eastern an' as mich
+clooath used to mak that gurt bag as ud ha supplied ivvery poor body i'
+Payris wi a new suit, an' as mich gas to fill it as ud sarve my aleus
+for aw dooant know ha long; an' ther's as monny sailors to attend to it,
+as John de Morgan can find sixpences ith' collectin' box, an' its all
+for what? Nowt i' this world but to suit a lot o' strackle-brained
+fooils at'll be just as wise, or less, after they've come daan as they
+wor befoor they went up."
+
+But i' spite o' all he had to say he meant gooin up, aw could see; net
+at he wanted, an' net becoss he'd noa fear abaat it, but just on accaant
+o' me havin spokken as aw did, an' rayther nor be thowt to be short o'
+pluck, he'd ha gooan up if he'd felt sewer he'd nivver ha come, daan.
+Aw cant say'at aw felt varry mich up on it, but aw wornt gooin to give
+Billy th' chonce to crow ovver me, soa we went to th' little office an
+bowt a ticket apiece an' wor sooin stood up amang a scoor moor in a big
+raand mahogny tub'at they called a car. Th' time coom for us to be off
+an' after as mich bustle an' shaatin as if we wor gooin to th' north
+powl, th' captain,--(Aw suppooas he'd be a captain;)--sed, "Now we're
+off!" in as plain English as aw ivver heeard. But aw did'nt see'at we
+wor gooin up at all, for we did'nt seem to stir, but when Billy lukt
+ovver th' edge he turned to me an' says, "E'e'gow! lad, th' world's
+tummelin!" An' that wor just like what it seemed like, for asteead o' us
+seemin to be leeavin th' world, th' world seemed to be leeavin us.
+
+Well, it wor a wonderful seet reight enuff; but when we'd getten to th'
+end ov th' journey, an had mustered courage enuff to have a gooid stare
+raand, Payris nobbut lukt a littlish spot compared wi all we could see
+beyond it. A chap'at acted as guide gave a lectur, an' pointed aght
+ivverything worth noatice, but as it wor all i' French it wor Dutch to
+Billy an' me. We coom daan as gently as we'd gooan up, an' aw fancied
+at we all seemed in a bigger hurry to get aght nor we'd been to get
+in--When we stud once agean o' solid graand Billy stamped on it to mak
+sewer at it did'nt shake an' findin it as firm as usual he turned to me,
+"Well, what does ta think on it?"
+
+"Why, awm glad we've been up," aw sed, "for it 'll be summat for us to
+tawk abaat."
+
+"Eeah, but awm glad we've come daan, for if we had'nt ther'd ha been
+summat moor to tawk abaat, an' ony chap at'll goa up i' that consarn
+aboon once, unless he's weel paid for it, owt to stop up. Sup-pooas th'
+rooaps had brokken whear should we ha stopt thinks ta? Happen ha gooan
+up an' up wol we'd struck bang agean th' top an' had to stick thear!
+It's what aw call flyin ith' face o' Providence an' its a thing'at owt
+to be stopt."
+
+"Whear shall we goa next; suppooas we try Notter dame."
+
+"Try who tha likes if they sell a daycent article."
+
+"Aw wornt meeanin owt to ait an' drink, aw meant a famous church'at ther
+is."
+
+"Suit thisen, but awst nooan caar long to hear th' New Testyment made a
+fooil on."
+
+We walked daan th' river side an' grand it wor--th' watter is a deeal
+cleaner nor th' Thames, but th' river's varry narrow an' ther's bridges
+ivvery few yards. Th' steeam booats wor full o' gaily dressed men an'
+women, an' music wor playin, an scoars 0' little booats wor skimmin
+along; all lukt lively an' fowk seemed happy. At ivvery convenient spot
+ther wor men fishing wi ther long rods, an' lollin ith' sun watchin th'
+bit o' cork bob up an' daan ith' watter; an' aw may as weel mention it
+here; aw saw th' same chaps ivvery day ith' same spots, sometimes early
+ith' mornin, sometimes when it wor ommost to dark to see, noa matter
+whativver time aw passed they wor at ther old pooasts. Judgin bi ther
+dress they wornt fishin for a livin, an' after lukkin at ther baskets
+an' nivver bein able to see at one on em had getten owt, aw made it aght
+at they must be fishin for enjoyment, an' aw hooap they catched it.
+Wol aw wor takken up wi watchin'em Billy wor tryin to mak aght what
+wor gooin on o' th' other side. "Sithee, Sammy! What's all yond; wimmen
+reckonin to be dooin? Are they weshin'?"
+
+He'd guessed reight, an' thear they wor in a long shed at seemed to
+be fit up wi ivverything they wanted, soa far as we could see at that
+distance, an' they wor splashin an' brayin an' stampin an' tawkin as
+if ther lives depended o' which could mak th' mooast ov a slop an' th'
+biggest din. As we went walkin on, one o' th' seets at lukt to us mooast
+strange, wor th' number o' men walkin abaat i' black petticoits an'
+brooad brimmed hats. If a chaps face is an index to his karracter,
+as some fowk say it is, th' fewer o' th' priests, sich as we met, an'
+th'better for th' country aw should think. Aw dooant want to say owt to
+offend onybody, but to be truthful awm foorced to say 'at aw pivver saw
+sich a lot o' ill favvord fowk i' mi life, an' if Madam Tooswords wants
+to add another chamber o' horrors to her show shoo could'nt do better
+nor get th' casts o' some o' their mugs. Ther's noa likelihood o'
+ony wolves destroyin ony o' their flocks, soa long as they've sich
+scarecrows for shepherds. Still they seemed a jolly lot, but just as we
+gate to th' Cathedral a oppen cab drives up, wi a priest in it i' full
+cannonicals, white lawn sleeves an' all to booit; but th' seet on it
+knocked th' wind aght 0' booath Billy an' me.--Aw dooant say'at what we
+saw wor wrang--aw say at it did'nt luk reight to us--for he wor lollin'
+back ith' cab, dressed as awve tell'd yo, withaat hat, an' smokin a
+short public haase clay pipe--It saands strange to yo awve noa daat, but
+its true, an' when he jumpt aght, he lifted up his petticoit an' pooled
+some paper aght ov his pocket, an' stuffed some into th' pipe heead,
+put it in his pocket, spit onto th' porch ov a temple erected for th'
+holiest o' purposes, an' makkin some mooation at aw did'nt understand,
+he walked in, aw hooap wi motives purer nor his clooas or his breeath
+wor likely to be. At ivvery corner at yo'd to pass, wor a woman kneelin
+on a cheer, an' dressed to luk as solemn as a mute at a funeral, an' to
+render as ugly as possible, faces an' forms'at God had made beautiful;
+an' they'd each on 'em a bag i' ther hand wi a few coppers in it, an'
+they shook'em as yo went past. Aw did drop a copper into one but Billy
+wod'nt, for he sed if they wanted to cadge let'em goa aght into th'
+street an' cadge reight. He'd hardly getten th' words aght ov his maath
+when he sprang back an' planted his heavy booit fair at top ov a corn at
+awve been nursin for th' thick end o' thirty year, an' made me exhibit
+a one-legged performance at wor somewhat aght o' place just then, but
+Billy wor too mad to tak ony noatice, an' wor havin a row wi a long
+lank wizzened carcase an' face at belanged to a woman at stood behind
+a little table, an' had a little besom in her hand, but when Billy axed
+her what shoo'd done that for? shoo held up a bag wi some moor coppers
+in an' shook it at him grinnin at him like a monkey. "What's to do?" aw
+ax'd for it wornt a place to kick up a disturbance in--"Shoo's slarted
+me all ovver mi face wi watter aght o' that besom."
+
+"Tak noa noatice," aw sed, "it's a practice they have i' this country to
+sprinkle fowk wi what they call holy watter;--ha mich did ta pay her for
+it?"
+
+"Pay her! does ta think aw've gooan cleean of th' side?"
+
+"Well, if tha hasnt paid her owt tha's lost nowt an' tha sees shoo has
+lost her watter, an' her trouble."
+
+Th' watter will'nt matter much for shoo'll be able to mak some moor as
+sooin as that's done, an' as for th' trouble,--if awd had her aghtside
+awd ha gein her trouble. But Sammy, is this a church or is it some
+sooart ov a bazaar? Sithee, thers a woman thear sellin candles, an'
+another little picturs an' gimcracks, aw did'nt know they allaad fowk to
+sell stuff in a church. "What's yond chap dooin." We went to see, an' he
+wor tawkin away at a gate an' as fowk went in he handed em a ticket for
+which they paid. We follered an' he gave us each a ticket for 50c. an'
+we went to see th' wonders o' th' Treasury, as it wor called. Aw quite
+agree wi Billy'at it wor a sell, for ther wor little to see, an' that
+little not near as well worth seein as ony silversmiths shop winder. We
+did'nt stop long thear, but we had a long stroll throw th' buildin, an'
+it is a wonder--its a whoal mass o' beauties--an' someha it has'nt soa
+mich ov a luk ov a gravestooan makkers show raam, as awr St. Paul's an'
+Westminster Abbey--but one thing spoilt it all to me, for it seemed
+to sarve noa purpose nobbut money makkin, an' aw wonderd if th' time
+ud ivver come when another Man should mak a scourge an' drive aght th'
+desecraters ov His Father's temple--It's ommost time!
+
+When we left that grand old pile, we crossed a street an' entered a
+buildin whear daily can be seen th' mooast sorrowful an' sickenin seet
+i' Paris. Aw meean th' Morgue. When th' remembrance ov ivvery other
+seet has faded, that'll still be fresh. It will'nt be rubbed aght an'
+yo connot blot it aght, aw wish aw could. Billy gave one glance
+raand--"Aw'll wait for thi aghtside," he sed, an' he wod'nt ha had long
+to wait if it had'nt been'at aw felt it a sooart ov a duty to see all at
+wor to be seen. It wor a scorchin hot day aghtside, but as sooin as yo
+entered this bare comfortless lukkin place, yo felt a chill creep all
+ovver yo. Why it is'at places intended to contain objects soa repulsive
+should be contrived i' sich a way as to add to th' painfulness o' th'
+Exhibition aw could nivver tell; but soa it is. Even i' Payris, whear
+glass an' glitter meets yo at ivvery turn, an' ornamentation runs wild
+ovver ivverything, recent or ruined, they could'nt spare one solitary
+touch to soften an' subdue soa agonizin a show--But th' place wor full
+o' fowk an' 'at ther wor summat moor nor common aw could guess. Inside a
+big glass screen, like th' winder ov a fish shop, wor a big braan stooan
+slab wi watter tricklin ovver it, an' on it wor laid three bodies'at had
+been pickt aght o' th' river; one a man, but aw will'nt say owt abaat
+it--it wor too fearful for me to try to paint it--one wor a bonny little
+lad abaat four years old, weel nourished, an' ivvery thing it had on
+throo its shoes to its hat showed ha praad sombody had been on it--My
+heart ached as aw thowt o' that poor mother at wor somwhear lamentin'
+her loss, an' yet buildin up hooaps at one glance at that little face
+wod settle for ivver--But it wor th' third, raand which th' craad wor
+clusterin;--it wor that ov a young woman, beautiful i' booath face an'
+form--soa beautiful'at it wor hard to believe her deead. What could
+have caused her put an end to a life'at had hardly fully blossomed into
+womanhood? It could'nt be poverty, for th' jewels still on her small
+white hands, wod ha beep enough to ha warded off want for a long time;
+'er whole dress showed signs ov wealth an' extravagance. Aw could nobbut
+wonder an' feel sad an' repeat=
+
+````"Has she a Father?
+
+````Has she a mother?
+
+````Has she a sister?
+
+````Has she a brother?
+
+````Or is there a nearer one
+
+````Still, and a dearer one?"=
+
+It lukt hard to see one soa young an' fair laid o' that weet stooan,
+past all help--One could but sigh an' walk away=
+
+````"Admitting her weakness,
+
+`````Her evil behaviour;
+
+````But leaving with meekness,
+
+`````Her sins to her Saviour."=
+
+When aw joined Billy agean aw wor startin to tell him all abaat
+it--"Shut up!" he sed, "aw saw quite enuff, an' aw want to hear nowt
+noa moor abaat it. If it suits thee to goa maunderin abaat seekin' foi
+sorrow, it doesnt me. Aw want summat to ait, an' it'll have to be summat
+substantial, soa leead th' way into th' furst place tha comes to at tha
+thinks gradely."
+
+We kept walkin on, an' havin soa mich to luk at, we went a long way
+withaat callin, but at last aw sed, "Wod ta like a plain sooart ov a
+shop or mun we goa to a showy spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whether its plain or net if ther's summat fit to
+feed a true born Englishman throo Yorksher, but tha'll ha thi wark set
+to find a place here'at isnt showy--in fact as far as aw can judge, it's
+moor show nor owt else i' this blessed country; th' Exhibition is a
+big show--th' baloon's another show--yond doncin demons wor a show--th'
+churches are turned into shows--ther deead haase is a show--ther
+buildins are stuck up an' bedizened wi gingerbreead an' gilt, all for
+show--th' men an' wimmen are all shuffle an' show--an' sithee here! awm
+blowed if ther isnt a church steeple stuck up for a show! Well, that's
+a rum en! Aw've monny a time seen a church baat steeple but this is th'
+furst time aw ivver saw a steeple baat church!"
+
+"Its true what tha says, an' a grand monument it maks ith' middle o'
+this square. It luks weel doesnt it?"
+
+"Luks! aw care nowt abaat ha it luks! What is it for? That's what aw
+want to know! What's th' use o' fillin up a place wi stuff at's o' noa
+use nobbut to be lukt at?"
+
+"They'll nivver stick thee up to be lukt at, for tha am't hansom enuff,
+soa tha need'nt freeat!" aw says, for aw felt a bit nettled.
+
+"Noa, aw dooant hardly think they will, an' aw should fancy they havnt
+been to ax thee yet, have they? Aw think my turn'll be abaat th' next
+after thine."
+
+Aw did'nt answer him back, for a varry gooid reason; as long as a chap
+tawks sense awl tawk to him, but as sooin as he maks a fooil ov hissen
+aw've done.
+
+"Nah then, will this shop suit thi?" aw sed, as aw stopt anent a
+resteraunt door.
+
+"If its fit for a littleary chap like tha reckons to be, it should be
+gooid enuff for a chap at keeps a aleus at th' moor end."
+
+"If tha thinks tha can get my monkey up wi mak-kin a desplay o' thi own
+stupid ignorance tha'rt varry much mistakken! for awl nawther be put
+aght o' temper wi thee nor a man twice as gooid! an' if tha'rt anxious
+to be shut o' mi cumpny, aw think awst be able to spare thine!" an' aw
+walked on leavin him to suit hissen whether he follerd me or net. Aw
+went to th' end o' th' street an' wor just enterin another square wi
+another big monument ith' middle, when aw turned raand to see if he wor
+comin, an' just as aw did soa aw felt as if a cannon ball had landed o'
+mi stummack. A potbellyed Frenchman, donned i' red britches, an' a black
+coit an' a white appron teed raand him baanced abaat a yard off on me
+an' began tawkin an' shruggin his shoolders an' poolin his face into all
+sooarts o' shaps--nah it ud ha been better for him if he wor anxious
+to mak mi acquaintance, to ha chosen another time--Aw did'nt loise mi
+temper, coss awd made up mi mind'at aw wod'nt, but aw just gave him
+one for his nob'at sent him spinnin like a castle top, an' his hat flew
+monny a yard, an' aw stood ready to give him another o' th' same sooart
+if he thowt it worth his while to fotch it, but he did'nt, an' varry
+sooin two or three gethered raand us an' lukt as if they meant mischief
+to me, but aw kept cooil--aw wor detarmined aw wod'nt be put aght o'
+temper; an' aw seized hold o' mi umberel an' aw just felt as if aw could
+fettle abaat a duzzen on em--or two duzzen for th' matter o' that,--its
+cappin what a chap fancies he can do if he nobbut keeps cooil.--Just
+then Billy coom up an' th' Frenchman went up to him an' aw suppooas
+bi th' way he kept pointin to me, he wor tryin to explain matters, an'
+although Billy could'nt tell a word he sed he seemed to understand what
+he meant, an' he sed to me, "come on Sammy, awve ordered steaks an'
+puttates for two, an' another bottle o' red ink. Tha's nowt to be feeard
+on, it'll be all reight."
+
+"Feeard on! ther's nowt aw am feeard on! Aw shuddent be feeard o' thee
+if tha wor twice as big as tha art, aw can tell thi that mich! Tha's
+been tryin all tha knows this mornin to mak me loise mi temper, but
+tha'rt suckt, for it'll tak a better man nor thee!"
+
+"Well, aw dooant think tha has lost it, Sammy, it'd be a gooid job if
+tha had, an aw should pity th' chap at fun it, but ther's a treat for
+thi; tha could'nt ha pickt aght a better shop nor this if tha'd gooan
+all throo Payris, for ther's a stooan mason throo Manchester gettin his
+dinner, an' he can tawk awther French or English, an' he's knockt off
+wark for th' day, an' he's willing to show us raand."
+
+This wor gooid news an' it made me feel--(not better tempered, becoss
+awd nivver been aght o' temper, tho' Billy swears to this day at aw wor
+as mad as a wasp, but then he's a poor judge o' human natur is Billy;)
+but it made me feel moor,--well, moor,--aw hardly know what to say, but
+yo'll know what aw meean, for awve noa daat yo've felt that way yorsen.
+When we gate in, he wor as pleeased to see us as we wor to see him,
+an' he sooin made th' Frenchman, (who turned aght to be th' maister)
+understand ha things stood, an' then he shuk hands wi me an' bowed, an'
+sed summat; an' th' mason tell'd me at he wor sayin 'he wor varry sooary
+if he'd hurt me, an' hooaped aw should forgie him;' "Ov coorse," aw sed,
+"tell him awm one'at nivver bears malice, an' at he mun thank his stars
+he met me when he did, for if aw had'nt happened to be i' th' best
+humour ith' world, aw should ha fettled his nop for him."
+
+"Eeah, friend, be sewer an' tell him that for it'll happen saand moor
+like trewth i' French nor it does i' English--" Th' steaks happenin to
+come in just at that time put an' end to th' tawk, an' it wornt long
+befoor we put an end to th' steak. Then they browt us a big dish o'
+fruits--grapes an' plums an' apples an' peaches, an' we had a reight
+tuck in. "Aw dooant think aw've etten as mich crash sin aw wor a lad,"
+aw sed, an' Billy sed he wor sewer he had'nt, an' he'd noa idea it wor
+as gooid as it wor!
+
+"Well," th' mason sed, "that is owing to the climate, you would'nt enjoy
+the same things as well at home--I get fruit for breakfast. I dont think
+you drank much claret when you was at home."
+
+"Awm sewer we did'nt," sed Billy, "for aw supt nowt but ale, an' nah aw
+hardly feel to care for it. But aw dooant think ale's as gooid here as
+it is at hooam."
+
+"It ought to be for it comes from the best English breweries, but look
+at these workmen gettin their dinners, they look a fine set of men."
+
+An' they did, an' Billy an' me did watch em, as aw began wonderin
+whether or net it wor true, at English fowk had all th' sense ith'
+world. Its worth while givin an' accaant o' their dinner, for this book
+will noa daat fall into th' hands o' monny a workin' chap at's apt to
+grummel even if he has to put up wi a beefsteak at hasnt come off th'
+steak booan, an' it may do him noa harm to know ha other fowk live.
+
+One bottle o' claret, for which they paid a franc--a looaf, abaat a
+yard long, an' abaat as thick as mi arm, for which they paid half a
+franc--a jug o' cold watter an' three tumbler glasses. Aw wonder
+what three stooan masons at hooam wod ha made aght o' that for ther
+dinner--fifteen pence wor all it cost for three on em. They each hawf
+filled ther glass wi wine, then filled it up wi watter, an' then divided
+th' looaf into three, an' each takkin a fooit on it, they pooled pieces
+off an dipped it into ther wine an' watter an ate it wi a relish.
+"Sewerly," aw sed, "tha doesnt mean to say at that's all they'll ha to
+ther dinner."
+
+"But it is, and what may surprise you to know is that breakfast and
+supper only differ by the addition of fruit or some simple vegetable,
+and yet they can work for twelve hours a day, and they dont look bad."
+
+"They're three o' th' finest chaps aw've seen sin aw coom into Payris," aw
+sed, "but aw should think they'll hardly be able to do as mich wark as
+Englishmen?"
+
+"Well, its generally thought so, but my experience is that they do--They
+never break any time--I have been here nearly two years and have over
+two hundred men under me--and there has never one lost a day through
+drink since I came."
+
+"Well, its cappin isn't it Billy? one could hardly ha believed it if
+they had'nt seen it. What wod English masons think if they'd to be stopt
+off ther beef an ale?"
+
+"Nay, its flaysome to think on, it maks me low spirited,--let's sup off
+an' be gooin--its as ill as th' deead haase is this."
+
+[Illustration: 0081]
+
+[Illustration: 0084]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES.
+
+[Illustration: 9084]
+
+ETER,--that wor th' name'at this stooan mason had been kursened,--agreed
+to spend th' rest o' th' afternooin an' neet wi us, an' show us what he
+could. Aw had'nt forgetten seein th' monument at th' time awd had a dust
+wi th' Frenchman, an' soa aw propooased we should goa thear furst, an'
+we did--at th' furst seet it reminded me o' th' monument o' London, but
+it proved to be summat far hansomer, for it wor th' Vendome column. Awd
+read abaat it befoor an' knew all abaat th' silly lumpheeads'at spent
+days o' labor to pool it daan, as if bi destroyin that they could blot
+aght th' memory o' th' man it wor raised to honor; whearas if it wor
+possible to sweep ivvery stick an stooan'at forms ther splendid city,
+off th' face o' th' eearth, an' leeav nowt but a barran tract o' land
+in its place, noa pilgrim wanderin ovver it but what wod find his thowts
+circlin raand th' memory ov Napoleon. All honour to them, who while
+strivin to wrest an empire from his successor's grasp, raised once agean
+this monument to his fame.
+
+It ud be wearisome if awd to attempt to describe all th' grand
+buildings, statys, faantens an' churches'at we passed--Peter wor
+ivvedently at hooam, an' could show us moor i' hauf a day nor we should
+ha seen in a wick--Just a passing word abaat one an' then awl leeav
+writin abaat what yo can read abaat i' scoors o' books beside this, an'
+give an idea or two abaat things'at other writers awther havnt seen or
+darnt tell. La Madaleine,--that's th' name ov a church--but it does'nt
+luk a bit like a church, its far moor like St. George's Hall at
+Liverpool, but ther's summat far grander abaat it. It wor oppen free,
+an' we went in. Inside it lukt as Billy sed, 'far moor like a gurt
+cungerin show nor a church,' but ther wor noa mistak abaat its beauty.
+Ther wor a gooid lot o' fowk in, mooastly strangers like ussen, but here
+an' thear wor one'at seemed to have moor serious business on hand.
+Unless ther's moor virtue in a candle nor aw think ther is, ther's a
+fearful waste o' wax gooas on i' that spot, for ther wor scoors burnin,
+net to give leet, that awm certain.--Peter sed it wor a custom wi em to
+burn a lot o' candles after th' deeath o' onybody, soa as to leet ther
+soul into th' next world,--aw dooant think it does ony harm, an' if it
+satisfies em, its as weel to say nowt abaat it, but when my time comes
+aw hooap ther'll be a breeter way to show me th' rooad nor what them
+candles seemed to give. Although they let yo in for nowt, yo'd hard wark
+to get aght withaat payin summat, but we did manage it, an' felt better
+suited wi ussen,--net'at we wor too meean to pairt wi a copper or two
+for th' seet wor worth it, but becoss we did'nt agree wi th' principle
+on it.
+
+Another wonder worth mentionin, is th' New Grand Opera House, but altho'
+it did cost a million paands sterlin it ud be as mich as mi heead wor
+worth, if awd to say at it wor owt fit to be compared wi th' New Grand
+Opera house they've built i' Leeds, becoss ther nivver wor sich a place
+as that, accordin to all accaants, an' if th' architect should ivver
+'shuffle off this mortal coil,' aw hooap they'll put him in a bottle,
+an' set him up ith' Philosophical Museum as a new curiosity, for ther's
+nivver been owt fresh put in sin aw wor a lad, an' that's a year or two
+sin--th' last time aw wor thear aw thowt th' mumny lukt fair looansome.
+It's a pity at th' Grand Opera Haase i' Payris doesnt pay, but what it
+falls short, th' government maks up, an' its to be hooaped'at if th'
+Leeds "Grand" does'nt pay'at th' Corporation'll suppooart it aght o' th'
+rates--for awm gien to understand at it wor nivver built wi th' idea o'
+makkin a profit aght on it, but nobbut to elevate th' public taste, tho'
+they tak gooid care'at yo get noa taste 0' th' elevation unless yo
+pay to go in. When aw read th' Leeds Mercury, (aw allusread all th'
+theatrical news i' their paper,) an' saw all they had to say abaat it,
+it reminded me ov a chap aw knew'at lived at Halifax, an' when ivver
+ony friend called to see him, he used to delight i' marchin em abaat
+th' taan to show em th' wonders, (an' ther is some wonders i' Halifax,
+ther's noa denyin that;--an' to me th' biggest wonder ov all is at th'
+taan's thear at all,) but he allusfinished off wi takkin em daan bi
+th' old church to have a luk at Beacon Hill--"Nah then," he'd say, "what
+does ta think abaat that for a hill? Th' sun has his wark to get ovver
+that i' daycent time in a mornin tha can bet!" An' if th' chap he's
+showin it too should happen to say'at 'he'd seen hills ten times as
+big,' he'd shak his heead an' say--"Awve heeard fowk tawk like that
+befoor; but it's th' biggest hill awve ivver seen, an' it'll be time
+enuff for me to believe ther's a bigger when aw find one; but inasmich
+as he's nivver been monny yards away throo hooam he believes'at Beacon
+hill is th' biggest hill yet."
+
+Peter propooased nah at we should have a carriage as it ud help us to
+see a varry deeal moor nor we should be able to do, if we depended o'
+shanks gallowy, soa we agreed, an' wor sooin seeated be-hund a pair o'
+spankin greys--"Cannot yo drive us to some brewery?" sed Billy, "aw mak
+nowt o' com-min here unless aw can leearn summat."
+
+"There are breweries here, plenty of them, but not the class you want
+to see, they call them Brasseries, but they are in reality places for
+drinking beer, and not for making it."
+
+"Well, neer heed, lets goa, for aw should feel shamed o' misen if awd
+to goa back hooam withaat leearnin summat abaat th' trade, an' when awm
+called on at th' next annywel vitlers dinner, to mak a speech, it'll
+nooan mak a bad start to say 'th' last time'at aw wor i' Payris &c.,'
+an' it'll mak some on em oppen ther een'at fancies coss a chap lives at
+th' moor end'at he's foorced to be a fooil. Aw wor allusov an enquirin
+turn o' mind Mr. Peter, an' ther's Sammy thear, he luks as big a cauf
+heead as yo'll meet wi in a day's march, but them at taks him for a
+fooil mak a mistak, aw should nooan ha browt him wi me on a journey like
+this if aw had'nt thowt summat abaat him."
+
+"Aw did'nt know'at tha had browt me," aw sed, "it wor me'at axd thee to
+coom if aw ammot mich mistakken.",
+
+"Awm nooan baan to fratch abaat it mun, if tha says a thing tha'll stick
+to it aw know that, an' if ther's ony credit tha'll awther have it or
+swelt--but aw wonder whear tha'd ha been if it had'nt been for me--tha'd
+ha been lockt up for riteous conduct ith' street Mr. Peter knows that;
+by th' heart! but this is a queer lukkin neighborhooid yo're takken us
+into--Aw dooant like th' luk o' some o' theas fowk--aw nivver saw sich
+a cutthroit lukkin lot i' mi life! Awm nooan soa varry particular abaat
+gooin to see th' breweries; if yo think ther's ony danger, let's goa
+back;--net at it matters for me for awm a single chap, but Sammy's left
+a wife at hooam an' its her awm thinkin on."
+
+"Thee think o' thisen an' thi mother, an' leeav Mally to me--but if
+tha'rt beginnin to duff tha'd better get aght an leeav it to Peter an'
+Sammywell! if it worn't for thi age and respect aw have for thi family
+awd pitch thi cleean aght o' th' cab! Duffin! nah Mr. Peter awl put it
+to yo do yo think its likely,'at a chap what's kept a beer-haase at th'
+moorend all th' years'at awve done, whear thers been as monny as three
+or four rows in a wick, some wicks;--tho' aw alluskept a orderly haase,
+perleece'll tell yo soa if yo ax em,--an aw've seen chaps brayin one
+another to bits ommost, an awve nivver stirred aght o' mi cheer,--nah,
+do yo think aw should be likely to duff?"
+
+"Your courage will not be called into requisition, so you need not be at
+all alarmed. This leads us to the Quartier Latin, let us get down here
+and try this."
+
+It wor commin dusk an th' lamps wor bein leeted ith' streets, but inside
+all wor a blaze wi leet. It wor a big, rayther low raam, gay wi gold
+an colours an lukken glasses, an supported with a lot o' thin pillars
+covered up hawfway wi crimson velvet--seeats covered wi th' same stuff
+went all raand th' sides an' th' floor wor covered wi little marble
+tables, an stooils wi velvet tops, an altogether, th' place lukt varry
+grand an hardly seemed suitable for th' company at wor thear, for altho'
+they didn't luk like workin men, ther wor an untidy, unweshed, unkempt
+look abaat em'at aw hadn't noaticed in ony other lot. Peter gave th'
+order an in a minit a young woman, donned up like a playacter coom wi
+three bottles o' beer, an six glasses. Shoo put em all daan an Peter
+paid, an in a twinklin th' six glasses were filled, two moor lasses
+at didn't wear sleeves i' ther gaaons, but hung em on wi two narrow
+shoulder straps, an wi skirts made that length wol yo didn't need to
+wonder whether they wore garters or not,--coom an smiled an each takkin
+a glass, popt it off at one swig, (an they held a gill,) an filled em up
+agean, (for all bottles thear hold three gills) an withaat waitin to tak
+ther breeath, sent th' second to see after th' first, wiped ther lips an
+lukt as dry as if they hadn't tasted for a month. Th' empty bottles an
+glasses wor takken away, an wi a smile an a wave o' ther hand they went
+to attend to somdy else, leeavin us to sit as long ovver awr glass
+as we'd amind. Peter said we were too sooin to see th' place at its.
+best,--which meeans at its warst,--but he tell'd us at th' customers
+wor mooastly artists an students, an theas wimmen wor dressed up i' sich
+fantastic style to draw fowk thear, an it wor ther principal duty to get
+off as mich drink as they could, an at from 12 at nooin to 1 next
+mornin they oft took more nor 100 glasses o' beer, to say nowt abaat th'
+glasses o' liquors an wines they had in between. It wor hard to believe
+it, but after watching em for abaat an haar, aw could ha believed it
+if he'd sed 200, for we wornt moor nor an haar ith place, an aw saw one
+lass, net moor nor 20 year old, drink 15 glasses o' beer, one o' coffee
+and brandy, an one wine, an when we left shoo seemed as reight as if
+shoo hadn't had aboon twopenoth. After each glass shoo ate a couple
+o' shrimps aw suppooas to mak her thirsty for th' next. Peter sed they
+seldom lasted moor nor four years, for if it didn't kill em it awther
+made em bloated an ugly or browt on some disease, but wol they lasted
+they could mak throo 200 to 400 pounds a year, an during that time they
+wor generally living wi some student or artist as his mistress, an givin
+him all shoo could get, i' return for which, as sooin as shoo could hold
+her situation noa longer, he turned her into th' street, to add one moor
+to that swarm, estimated at 30,000 women, at live i' that fair, gay and
+fashionable city called Payris, by prostitution ov th' worse sooart, an
+this 30,000 doesn't include some thaasands moor, who carry on th' same
+trade, under th' sanction an protection ov ther government. Yo'll feel
+inclined to say, "Well, Sammy, we've heeard enuff o' that,--tell us
+summat else."
+
+"Aw wish aw could tell yo summat else, an paint yo a true pictur,
+withaat havin to drag in that spectre,'at i ivvery guise o' revoltin
+ugliness, an heavenly beauty, haunts church, street, cafe, garden,
+river, and even holds its revel alike in th' perfumed chaymer,
+surrounded wi youth an innocence, an' in th' pestiferous stinkin den
+whear vice is life, and virtue all unknown. Noa wonder'at ther's a free
+exhibition at th' Morgue ivvery day, an "One more unfortunate" sleepin
+her long last sleep on that drippin stooan, all unconscious ov th'
+curious crowd at see in her limp limbs, an distorted face nowt moor nor
+a spectacle provided bi a thowtful government for their entertainment,
+but fail to leearn th' lesson'at it owt to taich."
+
+France has her warriors,--her statesmen, an' her poets! Has'nt shoo one
+man, with a voice at can ring throo her fair cities--her vineyards, an'
+her lovely hamlets; at will raise it to rid her o' th' biggest curse
+under which a nation can grooan. Shoo's safer wi a thaasand invadin
+armies hemmin her raand, nor wi that enemy gnawin away at th' vitals ov
+her heart.
+
+When we left th' brewery we had a drive up an' daan th' principal
+boulevards, an' it wor a treeat an' noa mistak. Th' mooin wor as breet
+varry near as a sun, an' th' gas lamps lukt to burn wi a yallo blaze
+at shed noa leet. Th' trees sparkled as they shook ther leaves an' th'
+buildins stood aght agean th' breet blue sky as if they'd been cut aght
+o' cleean card-booard. Men sauntered along puffin ther cigerettes, or
+set ith' front o' one o' th' cafes, en-joyin th' luxary o' havin nowt
+to do, an' knowin ha to do it. It wodn't interest yo to tell yo whear we
+went; for yo'at nivver wor thear ud be noa wiser an' yo at have been can
+tell for yorsen. It wor a long drive, an' we stopt at last at th' Arc
+de Triomphe de L'Etoile an' aw should think ther isnt sich another seet
+ith' world. Payris appears to lay at yor feet, an' strings o' gas leets
+mark aght ivvery principal street. Billy could'nt find words to express
+hissen, all he could get off wor, "E'e, gow! Sammy! E'e gow! By gum mun!
+A'a mun!"
+
+It wor one o' them things whear yo could'nt help onybody: Aw did
+think'at Billy wor a bigger fooil nor me, but awm foorced to own'at he
+could describe it just as weel as me, for aw kept tryin to remember what
+awd leearnd aght o' th' bookshunary soas aw could say summat, but it wor
+noa use, aw could nobbut stare an' ax misen, in a whisper, whether aw
+wor i' this world or th' next.
+
+Payris wor asleep. That rattle an' clang'at had caused a hum to flooat
+ovver th' city wor silent.--Aw lost misen i' thowt:--aw didnt see a
+city;--aw saw a wood, an' mi fancy tuk me throo it; all th' singin birds
+had dropt ther songs an' wor nestlin' i' ther cosy hooams, but ther
+still wor some lukkin aght for what they could catch--owls,--human
+owls,--wor nobbut makkin a start. Aw've oft seen th' owl stuck up as a
+symbol o' wisdom, but aw could nivver understand it: an' aw should be
+thankful if one o' them cliver chaps'at know soa mich wod kindly point
+aght to me whear th' sense is, i' sittin an' blinkin all th' day, when
+th' sun is makkin ivverything lovely, an' turnin aght at neet when all
+is dark an' solemn, to drop onto some timid little maase at wod ha been
+aght i' th' daytime if it dar. Noa,--aw nawther see wisdom nor principle
+ith' owl. Gie me a lark'at shaks his wings as sooin as th' sun sends
+aght his furst pale ray as an agent i' advance to tell th' world he's
+gooin to show agean, an' starts towards heaven whear he hings, a dot
+agean a dull blue dome, an' pours his melody on an awakenin eearth,
+cheerin the sad an' addin' joy to them whose cup wor full exceptin for
+those drops ov harmony.
+
+Ther's summat at feels heavy o' yor heart when a gurt, bustlin city is
+asleep,--when th' solitary cab rattles wi a peevish din along a silent
+street--an' th' quiet steady traid o' th' watchman saands like th'
+pulse-beeat ov a district lapt i' sleep. We made it up'at we wod have a
+nod neet aght an' see th' dark side as weel as th' breet. If awd been a
+praiche'r aw could ha fun plenty o' subjects for a sarmon as we wandered
+raand. Ommost all th' places wor shut up and nubdy seemed to be abaat.
+
+As we slowly trampt along, nah an' then a--(what-do-yo-call-em, we call
+em Bobbies i' England,) passed us, or we passed him, but Peter sed a
+word or two an' we wornt interfered wi. We coom anent one grand place
+whear th' winders wor blazin wi leet an' we went in. It wor another o'
+them grand shops sich as we'd seen soa monny on, but all along one side
+wor little raams screened off, an' they called em _Cabinet particulier_
+an' we went into one;--ther's noa mistak abaat th' luxury an' beauty
+o' theas little places, but it doesnt tak th' e'e ov a hawk to see even
+moor in one nor they'd wish aghtsiders to believe. We had'nt been long
+an' th' waiter wor nobbut bringin us th' furst cup o' coffee when in
+coom two wimmen, (aw call em wimmen becoss they wor ith' shape on em,)
+but Peter gave em to understand'at we did'nt want to add to th' number
+o' th' compny.
+
+We had a rest an' a smook an' then we started aght agean, we had'nt
+walked monny yards befoor we coom to another spot'oth' same sooart, an'
+we sat daan o' th' opposite side o' th' rooad to luk at what wor gooin
+on. Th' winders wor oppen an' th' leets wor up at full, an' th' saand
+o' what aw suppooas they meant for mewsic, coom aght o' th' oppen
+shutters--ther wor a rustlin ov a silk dress an' a grand lukkin lass
+fit for a duchess coom up to th' door, but th' chap at wor standin thear
+shoved her away as if shoo'd been a beggar--shoo stood for a minit or
+two lukkin up at whear th' saand coom throo an' then shoo walked away
+wipin her een wi her pocket hankerchy an' vanished. Aw felt as if aw
+could ha liked to goa an' try to comfort her a bit, an aw ommost felt
+sooary at Mally wornt thear, for aw know shoo can set onybody reight if
+onybody can, but Peter sed it wod be noa use for shoo wor varry likely
+lukkin for him who had promised to meet her an' had disappointed
+her--Just then a lad coom past sellin papers an' Peter bowt one; (Billy
+wod ha bowt one, but after lukkin at it he declared at th' fowk'at had
+printed it did'nt know ha to spell) an' after a bit he sed, (aw meean
+Peter,) "This is a sad case but only one of many such."
+
+"What is it? aw says.
+
+"Only an account of the finding of a body in the river to-day. A young
+and beautiful girl who ran away from home leaving parents, sisters,
+brothers and a lover and came to Paris, was admired, feted, courted and
+betrayed, and in the midst of her gaiety and dissipation was confronted
+by the honest-hearted suiter for her hand who had followed her, and
+remorse having mastered her infatuation, and despair overwhelmed her
+hopes she put an end to herself. Her body has been claimed by her
+friends;--it was at the Morgue to-day. It is almost an everyday story,
+but it is only an individual case of reaping the whirlwind when the seed
+has been so plentifully sown.
+
+"Nature! impartial goddess!--never forgets her duties," sed Peter,
+braikin off throo what he'd been sayin, an' aw could'nt help thinkin ha
+mich beauty a chap loises, and what joys he misses wi liggin i' bed ov
+a neet--Reight enuff a chap cannot be up booath day an' neet, but its
+worth while for ony body to sacrifice a bit o' sleep nah an' then for
+th' sake o' seein what th' world luks like when its wakkenin. Th' sun
+wornt fairly up but yet it wor growin leet, an' we made another move;
+Billy an' me booath lukkin a bit solid owin to th' accaant he'd gien
+us aght o' th' paper, an' Billy says, "Lets goa back hooam; awm sick o'
+seein an' hearin soa mich abaat what owt'nt to be."
+
+"Remember, Billy," aw says, "we munnot judge too hastily, becoss it's
+just likely'at luck may ha led us to see th! warst pairt an' th' better
+pairt is to come--Nivver let us condemn ony country or ony city--for
+what we may see in an' haar or two, for th' best fruit tree ith' world
+may have a rotten en on sometimes. But what's that row o' fowk abaat?
+They luk a queer lot! What does ta mak on em, Peter?"
+
+"They are waiting for the superintendant who will be here shortly, but
+with their advent subsides another class that belong particularly to
+Paris; the rag pickers; we have not met them to-night for the streets we
+have been in are not those likely to yield them a harvest, but whilst we
+wait here I may as well tell you a few facts which I have gleaned since
+my arrival in the country. There is one wending his way homewards with a
+basket weighty with his gatherings of the night--let us speak to him,
+a few sous will amply repay him for his trouble and any time he may
+loose." Soa he stopt him an' he emptied his hamper, an' sich a lot
+o' stuff aw nivver saw befoor--aw dooant believe'at thers a beggar i'
+Yorksher'at ud bend his back to pick sich rubbish up.--Bits o' rooap,
+paper, cabbage leeavs, cigarettes, cigar stumps, booans, rags, crusts o'
+breead, an' some things'at aw should fancy ther wornt onybody but him'at
+had gethered em could give em a name. Billy's heart wor inclined to
+oppen--nay, it did oppen, an' he gave him a franc, an' when he gate it,
+th' tears rushed into his een an' altho' he wor a Frenchman his tongue
+wor useless for his heart wor soa heigh up in his throit'at he could'nt
+spaik, an' Billy lifted his fist an' sed, (but in a voice at wor varry
+shaky to say it belanged to Billy,) "Tak thi hook! if tha doesnt awl
+punce thi!" an' for th' next three minits he did nowt but blow his nooas
+an' complain abaat havin getten some dust in his e'e--A'a! he's nooan
+all guts isnt Billy! Aw believe after all'at he could'nt hold that heart
+o' his unless it wor in a big carcass.
+
+We went then to see all this lot o' fowk at wor waitin for th'
+superintendant. They wor th' street sweepers, an' they wor just same as
+solgers, an' as th' word o' command wor gien they went off i' pairties
+o' four, an' started o' sweepin th' streets an' makkin all cleean an'
+tidy for them at had nobbut just gooan to bed, soas they could get up
+ith' mornin an' find th' city as trim an' tidy as they'd ivver seen it,
+an' nowt left for th' day-leet to show ov what had been done under th'
+gas-leet. Did yo ivver see a woman on a stage, donned up i' muslin,
+silver lace an' spangles, wi a painted face, her e'en made breet wi
+brandy,--her e'e-broos black wi charcoil or indyink,--her hands covered
+wi white kid gloves, an' her feet pinched into tiny slippers,--wol her
+legs wor padded to luk like what its just possible they may ha been
+once, an' covered wi silk stockins, an' nawther moor nor less nor an'
+angel withaat wings?--an' did yo ivver see th' same woman next mornin,
+when shoo's getten up aght o' bed an' left all her false ringlets o' th'
+dresser (if shoo has one,) when her paint is rubb'd off her cheeks,
+her red hands, hoofed an' scarred uncovered,--her ee'n heavy
+an' bleared,--her feet shoved into th' wrecks of a pair o' men's
+booits,--an' wi a thyble in her hand, an' a bit o' mail in a paper bag,
+as shoo gooas to wark to male a bit o' porrige for two or three squallin
+childer'at nivver knew ther father? If soa yo must ha been struck wi th'
+difference.
+
+Well, thers just that much difference between what Payris is on th'
+surface an' what it is when yo goa below.
+
+We went along an' Peter sed he'd like to show us ha fowk i' Payris lived
+an' give us an inseet into things at if they did us noa other gooid mud
+happen taich us economy, an' prove at it wornt allusthem fowk'at had
+th' mooast brass an' made th' mooast ov a spreead' at lived best.
+
+"There's nothing thrown away in Paris," sed Peter, "excepting human
+life. The rag-picker with his basket and his crook is one of the most
+important personages in the city. The stumps of cigars and cigarettes
+are what form the snuff of the most fastidious men who indulge in the
+habit--the scraps of old paper are all utilised and every bit of rag
+is converted to good use--the garbage, consisting of outside leaves of
+cabbages, turnip tops and even rotten fruit serve as ingredients for
+soups sold in the inferior restaurants; but the bread perhaps is most
+remarkable,--private families and boarding houses throw out crusts which
+are merely stale; cafes have plenty of broken crusts and soiled bits,
+but although it is cast into the street it is all carefully collected
+and preserved and the very refuse which is cast into the street from the
+sumptuously furnished tables of aristocratic salons on the Rue de Rivoli
+will not unlikely reappear in another form on the same tables and be
+appreciated. Crusts of stale bread are collected by inferior bakers
+and are soaked and rebaked and served again as new bread in cheap
+restaurants, the small broken pieces are carefully collected and cut up
+into small dice and after undergoing some secret process are converted
+into those appetizing toasted chips which give such a relish to
+soup--but there is another class, much more objectionable, at least to
+our ideas,--the soiled and dirty scraps such as were to be found amongst
+the rubbish of the rag-picker's basket, are seldom or ever given to
+poultry or pigs as you would imagine, but undergo a process of cleaning
+and are then dried, pounded into crumbs and burnt upon greased
+tins until they become a rich brown, and of this bread dust, every
+restaurant, from the one where the members of the senate meet, to the
+one whose customers regard a dish of meat as an exceptional treat, keep
+a stock; your cutlet is made to look beautiful with it--ham, fowls, or
+baked meats all owe more or less of their attractiveness to the same
+source. This is no secret here, and just so long as the dish set before
+them is pleasing to the eye, and pleasant to the taste, they ask no
+questions nor trouble themselves to wonder of what it is composed. There
+is scarcely any part of any animal--ox, horse, dog, cat, sheep, goat,
+sparrow or frog that is not utilized and made to furnish savoury morsels
+for one class or other--the better portions of a beast naturally find
+their way to that portion of the city where money is most plentiful,
+but I do not think it is too much to say that had the English people
+the same knowledge that the French possess in culinary matters, that
+the quantity of meat and vegetable that is daily wasted at home would
+furnish food, both toothsome and wholesome, enough for every starving
+creature within its shores.
+
+"Well, it may seem all reight to thee tha knows, to mak thi belly into
+a muck-middin, but for mi own pairt awd rayther have a rasher o' gooid
+hooam fed bacon an' a couple o' boiled eggs to mi braik-fast nor th'
+grandest lukkin dish o' chopt up offal tha could set befoor me, an' aw
+fancy Sammy's o' th' same opinion."
+
+"Aw must say, Billy,'at aw had rayther sit daan to a bit o' summat
+gradely, an' as a rule aw like to know what it is awm aitin, yet it's
+happen nobbut th' result o' ignorance, an' we turn up us nooas at things
+simply becoss we've been towt noa better; but aw could do wi a bit ov a
+snack if aw had it,--what says ta Billy?"
+
+"A bit ov a snack ud be noa use to me--aw could just do a quairt o'
+porrige an' milk to start wi, but awst be ommost tarrified aght o' mi
+wit o' touchin' owt nah. If we'd had ony sense we should ha browt summat
+wi us, an' aw should ha done but aw thowt aw wor commin wi a cliver
+chap'at knew summat, but aw find awve been mistaen."
+
+"Eeah an' ther's somdy else been mistaen as weel as thee, for if awd
+known what a chuffin heead tha'd ha turned aght aw wod'nt ha been paid
+to come."
+
+"Why dooant freeat Sammy, for it isnt variy likely 'at tha'll ivver be
+troubled wi onybody offerin to pay thee for owt unless it wor for keepin
+thi maath shut, an' if they'd start a subscription for that awd gie th'
+price ov a pint towards it misen."
+
+Th' shops wor all oppenin nah, an' Peter tuk us into a place an'
+ordered braikfast, but altho' we wor ommost clammd, we booath felt a bit
+suspicious abaat what we should have set befoor us to ait; but when it
+coom in an' we saw a dish full o' ham steaks wi' fried eggs laid all
+raand em an' a looaf a breead abaat a yard long, an' cups o' coffee'at
+sent a smell like a garden o' pooaseys all throo th' place, all fear
+o' bein awther impooased on or pooisened left us, an' ther wornt a word
+spokken bi ony on us until Billy threw daan his knife an' fork an' sed,
+"Thear!"
+
+We finished ommost as sooin as him an' Peter settled th' bill, an' as we
+walked aght we felt like men new made ovver agean, but we wor varry glad
+to get into a cab an' leet a cigar an' enjoy th' beautiful drive to us
+own lodgins. We went a long raand abaat way but it wor ommost all throo
+gardens or under trees, here an' thear we went throo a
+
+Square an' stopt a minit to luk at a faantain, a moniment, or a
+wonderful buildin, or went a short distance along th' river's bank or
+made a cut throo a street, an' we'd noa time to do owt but admire all
+we saw, whether it wor natural or artificial an' th' impressions o' th'
+neet befoor seemed like ugly fancies at th' mornins flood o' beauty an'
+gaiety wor quickly sweepin away--Aw could'nt help but repeat,=
+
+```"One little favour, O, 'Imperial France!
+
+```Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance,
+
+```Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam,
+
+```But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home."=
+
+To say we'd been up all th' neet we did'nt feel varry weary nor sleepy
+an' after a gooid wesh an' a brush up we felt noa desire to goa to bed
+soa we sat daan at one o' th' little tables aghtside an called for
+a bottle o' Bordeaux, (we'd getten reight to like it) an' we tipt us
+cheers back, yankee fashion, an' amused ussen wi watchin fowk goa past.
+We sooin discovered at a cheap trip had just come in, an' as they went
+past wi ther boxes an' carpet bags Billy lained ovver to me an' he says,
+"What gawky chaps English fowk luk when they land here at furst; why, aw
+feel soa different sin aw coom to live i' Payris wol awm feeard they'll
+tak me for a born Frenchman when aw get back hooam."
+
+"Tha's noa need," aw says, "they may tak thi to be a born summat at
+begins wi a F, but it will'nt be Frenchman!"
+
+Peter had to leeav us nah, we wor varry sooary to pairt wi him, but he
+sed his business wod'nt allaa him to stop ony longer, soa we shook hands
+wi him an' thanked him for all his kindness, an' as he turned away he
+sed, "And be sure you remember me kindly to Mally."
+
+This rayther knockt th' wind aght on me, an' Billy says, "Nah lad thart
+in for't, an' sarve thi reight! yond chap'll write off to yor Mally, an'
+tell her o' thi gooins on an' then tha'll get thi heead cooamd wi summat
+tha weeant like when tha gets hooam! Aw wod'nt be i' thy shoes for a
+trifle!"
+
+"Well, if thers been owt wrang tha's been as deep ith' muck as aw've
+been ith' mire, soa tha can shut up!"
+
+"Has ta ivver answered that letter shoo sent thi?"
+
+"Noa, aw've nivver had a chonce but aw will do reight away an' then
+that'll happen ease her mind a bit, an' aw wod'nt cause a minit o'
+bother, if aw could help it for all aw can see."
+
+"It's a pity tha doesnt try to mak her believe it."
+
+"Aw do try, an' aw allusdid!"
+
+"Eeah, aw meean its a pity tha art'nt moor successful."
+
+"Thee mind thi own business, an' leeav me to mind mine!"
+
+Aw felt it wor a waste o' time to tawk ony moor to him, soa aw left him
+to sit bi hissen wol aw went to write a letter to Mally. Aw did'nt goa
+wi a varry leet heart, net at aw cared owt abaat th' trubble, but aw wor
+fast what to say. To write th' plain trewth aw knew wod'nt do, an' to
+write what worn't true wor a thing aw wod'nt do, an' aw sat some time
+studdyin befoor aw made a start.
+
+[Illustration: 0106]
+
+[Illustration: 0107]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'.
+
+[Illustration: 9107]
+
+WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
+withaat rhyme or reason--If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll nivver
+care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.=
+
+```Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
+
+```Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
+
+```It fun me weel as when aw started,
+
+```Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
+
+```Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
+
+```But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
+
+```Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
+
+```As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
+
+```Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
+
+```Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
+
+```Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
+
+```An' hand him safe back to his mother.=
+
+```Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
+
+```His stummack's mendin varry fast;
+
+```An' ale!--its true lass what aw say,
+
+```He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
+
+```He nivver has a bilious baat,
+
+```Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
+
+```Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
+
+```An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
+
+```We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
+
+```Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
+
+```To find thi weel will mak me fain;
+
+```Till then, believe me to remain,
+
+```As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
+
+```Thy faithful husband Sammywell.=
+
+Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study
+it ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor
+wi letter writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a
+stamp an' sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw
+fan him hard asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat
+o' th' side o' th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight
+but th' seet o' mi umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor
+an' who wor anent him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor
+ommost droppin off!"
+
+"Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
+mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
+
+"Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want
+to disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long.
+If awm spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as
+aw havnt had lately--start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then
+tha'll be happy."
+
+I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
+abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
+we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
+nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
+ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
+booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
+cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich
+like stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at
+hooam we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha
+thowt we wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band
+o' music strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a
+circus,--an' they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English
+soa we thowt it ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should
+be able to see th' difference between an' English show an' a French
+en. We wor just gooin in when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed
+summat, but aw shook mi heead--"Anglish?" he sed.
+
+"English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
+
+"O, well, I can speek Anglish--the Anglish peeples have been var goot
+to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
+ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for
+hafe--only two franc de one, four franc de two."
+
+"What are we to do Billy?"
+
+"Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
+
+Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
+in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
+plees gentlemons."
+
+"Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
+quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
+sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
+bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
+leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets
+but he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
+could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
+whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
+
+"Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th'
+chap flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me
+walked in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for
+owt aw could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th'
+best seeat he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two
+together in a row wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor
+teed raand th' middle o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an'
+aw set waitin for th' rumpus. In a bit a dapper little chap comes an'
+touches Billy o' th' shoolder an' mooationed him to follow, but he mud
+as well ha tried to coax one o' th' pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver
+stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith' ring at wor playin antics wi a
+long powl. After a while th' same chap comes back wi other two, one on
+em dressed up like a malishyman ith' awkard squad, an' he touched Billy,
+but net just as gently as tother had done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa
+this chap shoves past me an' seizes him bi th' collar, (which to say th'
+leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to do until he'd calkilated th' weight
+o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a
+summerset into th' middle o' th' ring. This wor a performance'at they'd
+nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th'
+powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as capt as ony o' tothers. Billy
+stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for th' next. Aw dooant know who
+th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw could'nt help feelin a bit praad
+o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into years aw grun mi teeth an' felt
+detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit o' th' umberel ud hing
+together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt forsaken us for one o' th'
+actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid luk at his face aw
+knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi Pinder's circus i'
+Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard he'd braik his
+middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its that'at they
+sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an' aw tell'd
+him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then he sed
+'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all was
+over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
+know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then,
+but ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor
+booath pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L------t wor as gooid as his
+word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
+us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old
+ens'at had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed
+th' programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for
+a theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some
+refreshments an' then Herr L----l left us an' we set off agean i' search
+o' adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see
+what it wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if
+yo daat, as some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor
+friends'at's been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic"
+correspondent says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same
+fashion'at Adam an' Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It
+wor moor nor life size an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th'
+artist had taen gooid care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It
+wor surraanded wi dumb-bells, indian clubs, an' different gymnastic
+implements, an' aw wor informed after'at it wor an advertisement for a
+taicher o' gymnastics an wor intended to show ha a woman's form could
+be developed wi folloin his advice an' takkin lessons off him--"But," aw
+sed, "dooant yo think its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a
+public street whear men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
+
+"Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
+people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights
+of Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
+others."
+
+"Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this
+aw will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be
+their hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites
+an' to breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap
+at tried to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his
+brazen sin an wickedness i' yor face!"
+
+It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip
+a drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
+mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
+takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as
+if pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As
+we'd been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time
+so as to be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark
+an' narrow street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th'
+top--fowk wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght
+to be a sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went
+in, an' it reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam.
+It wor pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho'
+some o' th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit.
+Th' band played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save
+the Queen," as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd
+ivver known it to have befoor--Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith'
+furst place ther wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical
+nor a penny trumpet, an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther
+faces an' stuck ther hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like
+tryin to play th' fooil an' had'nt lent ha--One woman,--a strapper shoo
+wor too--wi a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet--coom
+on drest to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo
+shaated an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat,
+an' altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an'
+yell an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther
+heeads, (if sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a
+hullaballoo wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough
+soa we pyked aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid
+one another 'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it
+ud be Sundy ith' mornin.
+
+[Illustration: 0115]
+
+[Illustration: 0116]
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9116]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up
+pleasant memories an' fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th' furst time
+sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid mornin', he called me
+Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw
+wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if it's a day like this mi
+mother'll be run off her feet;--shoo should tak between four an' five
+paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese an' breead an' cold beef;
+but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be able to mak it up next
+wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know whear aw am, an' they'll
+be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha aw've getten on. What are
+we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha thowt'at he'd th' same
+sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur they say, soa aw made
+noa moor remark abaat it.
+
+"Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they
+tell me they are beautiful places."
+
+"Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs
+feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up!
+They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to
+church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."
+
+"They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt
+they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to
+loise this grand mornin'."
+
+When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor
+usual--th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed
+an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an'
+nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th'
+lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him
+which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't
+know for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said
+abaat Pere la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride
+thear for we should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do
+yo expect to land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa
+yo'll know."
+
+"Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay
+soas if we should be lat we can get in?"
+
+"We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo
+have th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo
+like, an' awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."
+
+We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay
+i' mi pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin'
+along. It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up!
+we'd gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom
+or ivver been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor
+surprised to see what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth
+nooatice. Awd nivver enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary
+when we gate to th' entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when
+aw tell yo'at we wor content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear
+yo may be sewer ther wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an'
+th' monuments wor th' leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks
+under th' trees an' between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set
+like brilliant gems ith' midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi
+thowts back to what awd seen at th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't
+to compare one wi' t'other but to contrast'em, for this wor as mich
+superior to that as that had been to owt awd seen befoor.
+
+"What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"
+
+"Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw
+ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."
+
+They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor
+hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars
+strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no
+trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay
+ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin
+an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor
+dressed in the "habiliments of woe"--fashion an' show,--nowt else!=
+
+``"What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,
+
+``Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;
+
+``Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;
+
+``Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;
+
+``Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,
+
+``And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!
+
+``More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,
+
+``She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;
+
+``Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,
+
+``And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."=
+
+Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be
+movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol
+we'd been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to
+Champs Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we
+wor set daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have
+a chonce to see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor
+fairly filled wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs
+an' carriages wor ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to
+be wondered at on sich a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for
+a ride or walk; an' it made up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed
+befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast
+on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th' busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor
+noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had getten throo ther religious
+nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had time to: goa back hooam an'
+leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght o' ther pockets as they
+sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards an' laffin' an'
+smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight or wrang, but
+it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy."
+
+Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor
+nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did
+see for th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o'
+Christianity'at characterizes it.
+
+We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait,
+bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that
+is awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan
+a bad pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin'
+raand rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor
+when he tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When
+we'd squared up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little
+table'at wor as far removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin'
+ith' front, an' one'at wor grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we
+ordered brandy an' watter an' cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th'
+richness an' th' beauties ov an evenin' sich as it mud be a long time
+befoor we should have th' chonce ov enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree
+has it's advantages, but ther's allusa drawback to all pleasures i'
+this life. Th' French fowk as a nation are varry perlite, but they
+dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to th' same pitch, an' aw
+suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i' Payris or i' Pudsey;
+at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw saw ther'd been an
+addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me to teem it daan
+th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi my mishap an'
+he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly didn't want
+it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend summat.
+Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an' then it
+faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an' th' day
+went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor sooin
+aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom smilin'
+up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into fairyland.
+"We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."
+
+"Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov
+a neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond
+haase o' mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i'
+November."
+
+"Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"
+
+"Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o'
+this peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak
+a sealin' wax stamp on."
+
+We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa
+cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a
+raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just
+as fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i'
+Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak
+a short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept
+walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin'
+hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.
+
+"It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt
+aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest
+if aw can tell whear we are."
+
+"It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's
+soa sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find
+aght'at we're two or three mile off hooam."
+
+"We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony
+better nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst
+comes to th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor--get a
+cab."
+
+"If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan
+be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."
+
+Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed
+another word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a
+poleeceman to see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece
+are th' same all th' world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're
+wanted. Aw felt sewer we should meet with a cab or summat, but th'
+streets seemed as if ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a
+long time befoor aw forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan
+but aw couldn't see a thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an
+that couldn't help me ony; th' clock struck twelve--Billy gave a sigh
+but sed nowt--all at once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th'
+causey an aw stopt. It wor a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off
+somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an' shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her
+understand what we wanted but shoo could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin
+as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to coax us to goa her way unless we'd
+been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed away an' left us. It wor a fit
+o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold o' Billy's arm an' march daan
+a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o' gooid luck as it happened, for
+at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river. Aw lukt to see which way th'
+watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi' hooaps we set off agean. We
+didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we met plenty o' poleece, but
+noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom to owt we knew, but
+at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat two miles to walk
+then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray--but aw mun gie
+Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a bit,
+although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we
+expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver
+been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as
+ther wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we
+could see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw
+put th' kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome
+seet it wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at
+that time o' th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned
+th' leet up, an' thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther
+wor fish an' a joint o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice
+butter an' breead, an' two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret;
+an' th' raam wor a deeal nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius
+been used to havin' us meals in. "This is a change for th' better," aw
+sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat this be-foor."
+
+"It's all ov a piece is thy wark,--tha allusfinds ivverything aght when
+it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as ivver
+we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin' ussen
+in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do justice
+to it to neet, soa let's start."
+
+He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor
+he touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an'
+aw can't say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin
+disappeared, an' th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav
+a drop o' ale nor claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook
+befoor we went to bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what
+time it wor, he saw it wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to
+oppen th' door'at led into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for
+aw knew ther wor a clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop
+sharper nor aw went in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be
+put i'th' hoil for this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"
+
+"Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off
+th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot--he didn't limp then, awl
+awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him in
+a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw
+lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then
+aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed
+befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th'
+door an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop
+this time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th'
+door an' turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an'
+befoor yo could ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we
+wor booath wide enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard
+two wimmin skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan
+th' Street, an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at,
+we'd a varry gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at
+we should ha gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we
+thowt'at it wor awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't
+sleep we could snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th'
+maister coom an' knockt gently at furst one door an' then t'other an'
+heeard th' music'at we wor makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did,
+an' couldn't find in his heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor
+aghtside we could nobbut guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor
+all wor quietened daan; then we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock
+when Billy coom to my door to wakken me. He shoved his heead in an'
+says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"
+
+"What's up?".
+
+"Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"
+
+"Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat
+it!"
+
+"No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom
+as sooin as tha'rt ready."
+
+Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit--aw
+saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him
+prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.
+
+
+
+[Illustration: 0128]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX. LUNDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9128]
+
+HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts
+o' guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor
+sed, nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry
+hard at us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we
+knew moor abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen
+be all fancy, for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In
+a while we wor left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th'
+best use o' th' few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to
+goa hooam that neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome
+change, for it made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite
+lively an' he says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
+
+"Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o'
+th' mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
+
+"Sewers! what sewers?"
+
+"Th' drains;--yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith' drains,
+an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled on
+th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.--What
+says ta?"
+
+"Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen
+nor be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent
+me up to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a
+foreign land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin
+into th' bowels o' th' eearth."
+
+"Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just
+one o' them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a
+scientific turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity
+suits me; an' if tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear
+aw can find thi at a sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi
+whear tha likes."
+
+"Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all
+thy science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant
+like to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins,
+but aw must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
+poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
+withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what
+maks it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to
+say at aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat
+science as long as tha lives!"
+
+"Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it
+wor a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but
+if tha thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but
+weft an' warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest
+chaps aw ivver met wor wayvers."
+
+"Varry likely,--becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em, but
+if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
+met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
+abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom,
+it can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but
+mine's different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin
+abaat science tha shows thi fooilishness;--net at aw meean to say tha'rt
+a fooil,--nowt o' th' sooart,--but aw think tha owt to be thankful to
+know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
+
+"Billy,--if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can tawk
+to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
+thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
+stop as thas a mind."
+
+"Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
+ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
+fittest place for thi--mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
+
+"Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas,
+but awm willin' to risk it."
+
+"Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
+
+"They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight
+i' thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
+
+"If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
+
+We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to
+goa, for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we
+wor driven off.
+
+Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo
+a main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is
+strange--th' carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's
+noa engins, but ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along
+varrv nicely--its like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut
+ther's a river runnin along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net
+a varry nice en--but awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an'
+as black. It wor leeted i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi
+lamps an' th' names o' th' streets at yo wor passin under wor put up,
+an' nah an' then yo passed a boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked
+wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed he thowt they made a mistak to charge
+fowk for gooin in, it ud be better to charge em for comin aght, an'
+aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once, for i' spite o' all ther
+ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw should'nt care to have
+aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome when we gate into em
+agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but admit'at ther wor
+seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd been booath gooid
+
+Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
+but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf
+a franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
+else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
+duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
+thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
+Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
+all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it
+tuk us all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th'
+landlord went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay
+for his back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod
+fit his lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some
+neet and get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor
+varry wise to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on
+us glad to turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a
+place wi soa monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce
+to see; for ther's noa denyin it--Natur an' art have done all they could
+to mak it th' finest city ith' world--It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty
+o' Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate
+luk o' Dublin--nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o'
+th' American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor
+perfect nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris
+to Calais an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an'
+we lost noa time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th'
+difference between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt
+tell for all seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off,
+an' th' mooin peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish
+us gooid luk--th' waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's
+side, an' th' two electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two
+big een, an' marked a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th'
+neet cleared up, but it wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th'
+deck all th' time. We had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a
+smook an' luk abaat us. Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet,
+an' nowt happened worth mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white
+cliffs o' old England.
+
+It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
+awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run
+to meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi
+native land--Billy wor capt when aw struck up--=
+
+``They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
+
+````heart,
+
+```Whate'er his condition may be;
+
+``But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
+
+```And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
+
+``For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
+
+```No matter what strange countries boast;
+
+``No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
+
+```With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
+
+```Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
+
+````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
+
+```Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
+
+`````hand,
+
+````And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
+
+```And in politics fight tooth and nail;
+
+``When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
+
+```If at government's tactics we rail;
+
+``There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
+
+```Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
+
+``That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
+
+```For there's freedom where ever it flies.
+
+````Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+````Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
+
+`````unite
+
+````And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
+
+```And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
+
+``Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
+
+```And his growl gives a warning to all.
+
+``They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
+
+`````roar,
+
+```And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
+
+``And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
+
+```And he's king of the world even yet!
+
+````Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+```Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
+
+`````thee dear
+
+````Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"=
+
+We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to
+me but still it felt like hooam--aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
+lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at
+Lundun.
+
+[Illustration: 0136]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X. MARDI
+
+[Illustration: 9136]
+
+T wor seven o'clock ith' mornin when we arrived at Victoria Station--an'
+as we wanted to get ooam withaat loisin ony time we tuk a cab to
+King's Cross. It wor a breet clear mornin' an' as we rattled along th'
+streets, ivvery buildin lukt like an' old friend, an' th' same feelin'
+coom ovver me at awve soa oft felt befoor--what had passed seemed mich
+moor like a dreeam nor a reality. Aw noaticed at Billy put on some airs
+at awd nivver seen him spooart befoor, an' if aw had'nt known him aw mud
+ha mistakken him for Beaconsfield commin back after signin th' Berlin
+treaty, but then he's a deal bigger man nor Beaconsfield is Billy, an'
+if his influence isnt as big ith' city, he's weightier ith' corporation.
+But awm sewer he lukt better bi monny a paand nor when we started. When
+we gat to th' station we fan at we'd a bit o' time to spend befoor ther
+wor a train soa we went an' gate a cup o' coffee an' summat to ait.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw sed, "aw should like to know if tha's enjoyed thi
+trip?"
+
+"Ov coprse aw've enjoyed it! Did ta think aw went to be miserable? It
+isnt oft aw set off throo hooam, but when aw do aw mak up mi mind to
+enjoy mysen. But aw dooant care ha sooin aw get back hooam nah, for awst
+ha to start brewin to-morn."
+
+"Well, tha luks a deeal better onyway,--an' awm sewer thi mother'll be
+fain to see thi soa mich improved."
+
+"Thee think abaat yor Mally an' leeav me an' mi mother to manage us own
+affairs--If aw've getten a bit better awve paid for it aw reckon!
+Tha tell'd me'at it wod'nt cost aboon ten paand an' it's cost aboon
+eleven,--Aw've enjoyed misen furst rate an' aw do feel a trifle better,
+an' awve enjoyed thy compny varry weel too, but if aw wor gooin agean
+awd goa be misen."
+
+"Tha cant get me mad this mornin soa its noa use to try, an' tha'd
+better save thi wind to blow thi porridge when tha gets hooam."
+
+"Well, that's reight enuff; tha knows what aw mean,--but aw say--wi' ta
+promise me at tha'll keep thi maath shut abaat them frogs?--Nah fair
+dealins amang mates, Sammy."
+
+"Awl promise thi one thing," aw says, "awl tell now't at isnt true, an'
+if what aw tell isnt pleasant it's becoss trewth isnt pleasant at all
+times."
+
+"Do as tha likes an' gooid luck to thi lad! Th' time's ommost up lets be
+off."
+
+We wor just i' time an' after a partin glass to start wi for fear ther
+might'nt be a chonce to get one at th' finish, we jumpt into th' train
+an' wor sooin lessenin th' distance between Lundun an' Bradford. Th'
+journey wor pleasant enuff but it seemed rayther long as it does when
+yor anxious to get to th' far end, but we landed at last, an' wod yo
+believe it? Ther wor Mally an' Hepsaba waitin at th' station for me--It
+wor a little attention at they'd nivver shown me befoor, an' aw felt
+touched,--for awm varry soft hearted.
+
+"Whativver made thi come to meet me Mally?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw coom becoss aw wor feeard tha'd happen ha started a growin a
+mushtash an' thart freet big enuff as it is, an' aw thowt awd tak thi to
+th' barbers to get made daycent befoor tha coom hooam, for tha's been a
+laffin stock for th' naybors long enuff; an aw wanted to set mi mind at
+ease abaat that umberel, for thart nooan to be trusted, an awve hardly
+been able to sleep for dreamin at tha'd lost it, but if tha had tha'd ha
+been wise nivver to show thi face here agean!"
+
+"Well, but tha sees aw havnt, an if awd had aw suppooas its mi own?"
+
+"What's thine's mine aw reckon?"
+
+"An' what made thee come to meet me Hepsaba?"
+
+"Aw coom to see what yo'd browt for us, soas aw could ha mi pick afoor
+yo'd pairted wi' th' best."
+
+"Why lass, awve browt misen an' that's all, aw should think that owt to
+satisfy thi."
+
+"If that's all yo need'nt ha gooan for we had yo befoor."
+
+Mally an' her walked off arm i' arm, takkin th' umberel wi em an nivver
+spaiking a word, but just givin a nod to Billy--"Awl tell thi what we'll
+do," sed Billy--"we'll just goa into th' taan an' ware abaat a paand a
+piece o' some sooart o' gimcracks an' we'll mak'em believe we have browt
+summat after all!"
+
+Aw thowt it wor a gooid nooation soa we went an' bowt a cap for Mally
+an' a pair a gloves for Hepsaba, an' a imitation meersham pipe for Ike,
+an' one or two moor nonsensical things, an' then we put em i' my box at
+th' station. Billy bowt a new dress piece, real French merino for his
+mother, an' then we shook hands an' pairted. My reception wornt all at
+aw could wish when aw went in hooam, but when th' box wor oppened an'
+Mally saw her cap, shoo pawsed th' cat off th' fender becoss it wor
+sittin anent me, an' as sooin as Hepsaba gate her gloves, shoo fun me a
+long pipe, an' filled it wi bacca an' gat me a leet, an' Ike sed 'he'd
+hardly been able to bide at his wark, he wor soa anxious at aw should
+land back safe;' an' he walked abaat wi' th' pipe in his maath as if awd
+browt him th' grandest thing aght o' th' Exhibition--Ther wor nowt to
+gooid for me just then, an' aw thowt at after all, Billy wornt happen
+sich a fooil as aw tewk him to be.
+
+[Illustration: 0140]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45927 ***
diff --git a/45927-h/45927-h.htm b/45927-h/45927-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..611f1d1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/45927-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,4265 @@
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+   PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      Seets I' Paris., by John Hartley
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    .indent5   { margin-left: 5%;}
+    .indent10  { margin-left: 10%;}
+    .indent15  { margin-left: 15%;}
+    .indent20  { margin-left: 20%;}
+    .indent30  { margin-left: 30%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    .side      { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em;
+               border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left;
+               text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;
+               font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;}
+    p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0}
+    span.dropcap         { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 }
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45927 ***</div>
+
+    <div style="height: 8em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h1>
+      SEETS I' PARIS.
+    </h1>
+    <h4>
+      Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion O'th'
+      French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
+    </h4>
+    <h2>
+      By John Hartley
+    </h2>
+    <h5>
+      Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun,"
+      "Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek
+      Puddin." &amp;C.
+    </h5>
+    <h5>
+      London: <br /> <br /> W. Nicholson &amp; Sons, <br /> <br /> 26, PATERNOSTER
+      SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <b>CONTENTS</b>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>SEETS I' PARIS.</b> </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II. MERCREDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III. JENDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER V. VENDREDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER IX. LUNDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER X. MARDI </a>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PREFACE.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9008.jpg" alt="9008 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9008.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa
+      'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to bear
+      i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me to visit;&mdash;an
+      to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th' descriptions aw do
+      give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt different to them, awd beg em
+      to remember at we dooant all see wi th' same een, an if it had been
+      intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod ha done for th' lot, an then
+      what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers. Nah, if hawf o'th' book is
+      fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other hawf is fancy, that's worth
+      sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo have?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Yors i' hard eearnest,
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      SAMMYWELL GRIMES.
+    </h3>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Dedicated As Token Of Respect, To
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      John Stansfield, Esq., Halifax.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      With The Best Wishes Of
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The Author.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      November, 1878.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SEETS I' PARIS.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER I.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9010.jpg" alt="9010 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9010.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to Payris,
+      but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as awm feeard
+      if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen. Nah, awm quite
+      willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider reight abaat it
+      but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at ther wor nowt
+      varry far wrang.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived
+      long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm
+      sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm foorced
+      to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad
+      impression'at has'nt left me yet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for they
+      sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi' him, an'
+      especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel, which is
+      another word for maister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa aw
+      went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like th'
+      Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for a
+      long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an'
+      booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to
+      whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but
+      then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen.
+      Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's nivver
+      had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a beershop at
+      th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but durin' th' wick
+      its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an' that's a varry gooid
+      job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa anxious to suit his
+      customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint until he's supt a gill
+      to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up time, he's soa full up at he
+      has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a pikestaff for fear if he should
+      lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted. During th' rest o' th' wick he
+      suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's hard warkto get on wi his brewin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He's nivver been wed, tho' he's a gooid lukkin' chap enuff, but his old
+      mother lives wi him an' nurses him up as weel as shoo can. Shoo's tell'd
+      him monny a time at shoo thinks he'd be better if he'd a wife, but he
+      allus says he's feeard if he wor wed an' should have ony childer'at they
+      might have his complaint an' he doesnt want to be th' means o' onybody
+      else havin' to suffer as he's done. But altho' his mother has a deal to do
+      for him, shoo's varry praad on him, for he's her only lad an' shoo says
+      he's th' best brewer at ivver smell'd o' malt, an' for a duzzen year he's
+      nivver had a brewin at womt fit to sup, though nah and then ther's one'at
+      isnt fit to sell, but he's ov a careful turn an' nivver wastes it, an' wol
+      he's suppin that he's savin' summat better, an' if it maks noa profit yet
+      it isnt mich ov a loss. Aw've tell'd yo soa mich abaat Billy to introduce
+      him like, an' yo'll get to know him better as we goa on.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk th' first chonce aw had to goa see him an it happened to be Sundy
+      mornin' an' he wor varry bad, an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he
+      grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he shuk
+      his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th' rent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have aw
+      to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's weel to
+      be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable carryin' on
+      as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious tha knows, an'
+      aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better. What wi ta have to
+      sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver tasted. Mother, just
+      draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after trailin' up here, an' yo can
+      draw me a pint too for that matter for it cannot mak' me ony war nor aw
+      am."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much as
+      tha does Billy," sed his mother.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed, "Payris!
+      whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all feightin' aw
+      reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps tawkin' abaat it
+      ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it, but
+      if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're baan
+      to fuffen agean?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith'
+      world."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th'
+      world&mdash;but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have
+      another set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when
+      they've done fuffenin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be
+      sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver owt
+      as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full o'
+      moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,&mdash;are ta thinkin' abaat
+      flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit
+      thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves yor Mally
+      owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th' exhibition;&mdash;aw
+      generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith' year, though aw've
+      missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's gooid enuff for me.
+      Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa fuffenin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,&mdash;aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen
+      like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at ther's
+      monny a scoor goa for nowt else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me an'
+      mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart ov a
+      place is it for gettin summat to sup?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe tha'll
+      be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest women
+      thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud leet o'
+      one."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny
+      brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll mak'
+      thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o' gooin'
+      tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin
+      to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak
+      it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Next Wedensdy mornin&mdash;tha's lots o' time to get ready.".
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, be sewer tha does,&mdash;or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol
+      thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth
+      station bi nine o'clock."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa moor aw mun be off nah&mdash;Gooid day!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we can
+      manage for owt else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew
+      awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em
+      wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set
+      too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished
+      up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows as
+      well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha knows
+      what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's
+      forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what
+      tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away,
+      but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day or
+      two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems
+      happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi' wind
+      tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an' it'll
+      be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll find a
+      deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could see ony
+      gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa improvement
+      in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to feel at, an' tha
+      seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to forget at tha'rt a
+      gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to Payredise for owt aw
+      care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same as tha went, or else
+      war."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an'
+      then tha'll hardly know me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha ther
+      wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted o'
+      thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been considerin
+      it for th' last forty year&mdash;"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor born
+      soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at tha'rt
+      a fooil."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th'
+      same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what
+      says ta, will ta goa wi me?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha thowt,
+      simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense. What have
+      aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should like to know
+      if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr Hepsaba wi yond
+      youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm expectin to be sent for
+      ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child
+      i' awther arm an' a couple teed to her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav
+      em to muck amang it; but awm different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can
+      be o' some use to them at belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen
+      a laffinstock for fowk! But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha
+      one less to luk after, an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll
+      net show thi face i' this fold agean yet a bit!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak' it
+      war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th'
+      ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght ov
+      its place an' dragged it back agean, shoo turned raand an' sed as quiet as
+      could be, "Then what wi ta want to tak' wi thi, coss tha'd better let's be
+      knowin soas aw can get it ready an' net drive ivverything to th' last
+      minit?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry few things'll suit me, for we're nobbut gooin for a day or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We! who does ta mean bi a 'we'?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw've been to ax Billy Baccus if he'll goa wi' me, aw thowt he'd be a bit
+      o' cumpny tha knows."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh! Billy Baccus is it? Well an' awm fain tha has axd him! yo do reight
+      to goa together, Billy an' thee! They'd ha built another, exhibition if
+      they'd known you'd been gooin, Billy Baccus! raillee, Sammywell! an' what
+      does his mother say? Is he baan to tak' a brewery wi him or will he rent
+      one wol he's thear?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Someha this seemed to put Mally in a gooid temper an' aw wor nooan
+      inclined to spoil it, soa aw laft when shoo laft an' ther wor nowt
+      onnymoor sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' momin sooin coom, an' when aw wor biddin' Mally gooid bye, aw slipt a
+      bit o' paper into her hand at awd scribbled on,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awm gooin to leeav thi Mally lass,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But tho' aw love to rooam;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst nivver let an' haar pass,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Withaat a thowt for hooam.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' tho' aw feeast mi'een o' seets All strange, an' wondrous grand;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst turn mi heart i'th' silent neets,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      To this mi' native land.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst think o' thee, at's shared mi woe,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      'At's proved mi' joy as well;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' far an' wide wheare'er aw goa,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Awst prize nooan like thisel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Shoo read it&mdash;"A'a, Sammywell!" shoo sed, "tha thinks tha can get
+      ovver me onnytime wi' a bit 0' nonsense like that, but tha mun mind tha
+      doesnt try it on once too oft. Try an' tak' care o' thisen, but whativver
+      else be careful 0' thi umberel!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor sooin at th' station an' Billy wor waitin. If ivver aw saw th'
+      pictur o' misery it wor his face that mornin'.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ha does ta feel?" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "War an' war, aw think awst ha to give it up, awm nooan fit to goa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a pity tha set off," aw sed, "has ta getten wai sin tha left hooam?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay aw've been soa ivver sin aw saw thi; aw should like to goa, but a'a
+      dear a me!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why then," aw says, "aw need'nt get two tickets?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, get one for thisen, aw've getten mine."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "An' whear's thi luggage?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its ith' van yonder all reight."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw sed noa moor but gate mi ticket&mdash;th' time wor up, we jumpt into
+      th' carriage an' wor sooin off to London.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0021m.jpg" alt="0021m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0021.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER II. MERCREDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9021.jpg" alt="9021 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9021.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      EXT to bein' th' eleventh chap to get into a carriage'at's suppooased to
+      be weel packed wi' ten, aw hate to travel wi' one chap'at's made up his
+      mind to be miserable&mdash;an' aw could see in a twinklin' 'at Bill meant
+      it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But aw wor off for a spree, (aw owtn't to ha sed that, for awd left word
+      at hooam'at aw wor gooin to collect information for th' benefit o' mi
+      fellow men,) but whativver wor th' principle reason for me gooin aw
+      know'at th' interest had summat to do wi' a jollification.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A'a, aw wish awd stopt at hooam," he sed, as sooin as th' train gate aght
+      o'th' station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sooary but tha had," aw sed, low daan.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What says ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sooary tha'rt soa bad," aw shaated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha doesn't know what aw suffer, lad. Has ta owt to sup?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, aw've a drop'at Mally wod mak mi bring; see what it's like."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That stirs it," he sed, when he'd had a gooid swig, "what does ta call
+      it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw dooant know for aw've nivver tasted it. Happen it's gin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is it?" an' he held th' bottle to luk at it. "Maybe it is," he sed, an'
+      he tuk another swig to find aght. "Nay it's nooan gin aw think, aw fancy
+      it's whisky."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely it is whisky," aw sed, "it doesn't luk unlike."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant pretend to say'at it is, for awm noa judge, but it happen is
+      gin," an' he supt agean to mak reight sewer, an' then he handed me th'
+      bottle an' sed, "tha can call it what tha likes but aw call it whisky&mdash;taste
+      for thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He did reight to say "taste," for he hadn't left enough in for a sup, but
+      aw didn't care for that for it seemed to liven him up a bit, an' bi th'
+      time we stopt at Peterborough he jumpt aght to stretch his legs a bit an'
+      try what sooart o' ale they kept at th' station, an' he lukt leetsomer nor
+      awd seen him for a twelvemonth, an' when he coom back he'd a cigar in his
+      maath an' another for me. "What mak o' ale do they keep?" aw ax'd.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Muck! Aw wodn't sell sich stuff, an' th' glasses are nobbut like thimmels
+      an' they dooan't aboon hauf fill'em. It's a scandlous shame ha they
+      impooas o' fowk, if awd to do sich things aw couldn't sleep for thinkin'
+      on it," an as if to prove'at he nivver did owt o'th' sooart he lained back
+      his heead an' in a varry little time wor snoorin' away like a bacon
+      makker.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When th' train stopt at th' far end aw had to wak-ken him an' it wor noa
+      easy job. "Come on!" aw sed, "Ger up! Doesn't ta know'at we're at th' far
+      end?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it whear we are, awm nooan baan to get up!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But tha mun care, for tha'll be foorced to get aght here; an' whear's thi
+      luggage? If tha doesn't stir thi somdy'll run away wi' it!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He oppened one e'e abaat hauf way just to squint at me, "An' who's baan to
+      run away wi' it? Let me catch him an' awl bet ther'll be one Frenchman
+      less to feight th' next battle o' Waterloo! Awl poise his frog-aitin heead
+      off his shoolders if he touches owt o' mine!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's noa Frenchmen here; tha's nobbut getten to Lundun, an' tha munnot
+      tawk abaat poisin' when tha gets to France, tha'll ha' to leearn to
+      parleyvoo!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant care whether it's poisin' or parleyvoo-in', awl bet his heead
+      comes off schews ha!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Just then th' guard coom "All out here! Hi there! what's to do?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw knew th' guard an' he knew me. "O, it's nobbut a friend o' mine'at's
+      been asleep a bit an' didn't know we'd landed," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "And where is he off to? not to Paris surely? He'll be lost."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, he'll nooan be lost for awm'baan wi' him to luk after him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw didn't see owt funny abaat that but he laft wol aw thowt he'd getten a
+      spasm. "And who's going to look after thee, Sammywell?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, when aw want a bigger fooil nor misen to keep me company awl ax thy
+      maister if he can spare thee for a day or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      My temper isn't as long as it used to be an' aw didn't relish a strackle
+      brain like him takkin' liberties wi' me, just as if he'd paid his fare an'
+      we'd been paid for commin', an' aw wor i' hauf a mind to goa to th'
+      firerup an' ligg a complaint, but Billy had his hand on his wayscoit agean
+      an' began grooanin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, what says ta," he sed, "are we to goa onny farther or stop whear we
+      are? Aw wor nivver fit to set off i' this state an' aw should nivver ha'
+      come but for thee. An' what are we to do wi' this luggage? An' what time
+      does train start? An' whear does it start throo? An' what are we to do wi'
+      ussen wol it does start? An' what's to come o' yond malt'at's masht? An'
+      ha does ta expect an old woman like mi mother to be able to tun? It wor a
+      wrang-heeaded affair ivver to set off an' if we nivver get back it'll be
+      thy fault."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bless mi life!" aw sed, "tha needn't goa! Tiler'll be a train back to
+      Bradforth directly! Aw dooan't want thi to goa if it's agean thi mind!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's nooan mi mind it's mi stummack! if aw worn't sufferin' like this aw
+      should be fain to goa; but say what it's to be; are we to goa forrad or
+      turn back?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw shall goa forrad an' tha can pleas thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then aw shall goa forrad if tha does. Goa an' find aght all particlars
+      an' see after this luggage an' mak all as reight an' square as tha can an'
+      then if ther's time, tak me somewhear to get summat to stir this pain. Awm
+      a deeal fitter for bed nor to be knockin' abaat like this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw left him wol aw made enquiries, but aw couldn't help wonderin' if Smith
+      had as mich bother wi' me when he tuk me raand to see th' Seets i' Lundun
+      as aw seemed likely to have wi' Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The best plan for you to do is to take a cab and get your luggage to
+      Victoria station, the train starts from there and they'll give you all
+      information," sed th' pooarter aw ax'd. Ther wor plenty on'em an' we gate
+      one an' wor sooin rollin' away. "Couldn't we ha' walked it, Sammy? Tha
+      knows walkin' is far better for me nor bein' shook to bits in a ditherin'
+      con-sarn like this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's too far to walk an' we'st be thear directly."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta emptied that bottle?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, does ta want summat? Awl stop th' cab in a minit."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does fa want summat?'coss if tha doesn't tha's noa need to stop th' cab
+      for th' sake o' me. Aw've been used to sufferin all mi life, an' happenfif
+      aw did get summat aw should be noa better."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But just then th' cab did stop an' when aw shoved mi heead aght to see th'
+      reason on it, thear wor th' same railway guard sittin' on th' dicky ov
+      another cab wi' my umberel ovver his shoolder, an' he wor grin-nin' like a
+      Cheshire cat. "Is this thy parryshute, Sammywell?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl shute thee if tha doesn't hand it ovver here!" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A'a, but aw wor fain to see him, for if awd lost that umberel aw nivver
+      dar ha' faced hooam! Ov coorse that wor a nice excuse to get aght an' have
+      a leek on. Billy called for a pot o' hauf an' hafe, an' when he gate it up
+      to his lips he held it thear soa long wol aw thowt he'd getten his teeth
+      fast i'th pewter an' couldn't leeav lawse, but when he did put it daan th'
+      bartender whipt it aght o'th' rooad ready for another customer an' Billy
+      wiped his lips and gave a sigh o' satisfaction'at wor like music to me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, what does ta think o: that?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Middlin', but it's rayther short o' malt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor soa thankful to get mi'nelly back wol aw stood treat twice raand.
+      "Aw'st ha' to be more carefui for th' futer," aw sed, "for aw wodn't pairt
+      wi' it for its weight o' new ens."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha did tha'd be able to start a shop," sed Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why not have your name put on it?" sed th' guard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bith' mass! aw nivver thowt o' that!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There's a shop next door but one, a regular umbrella hospital, I dare say
+      they would do it for you in a few minutes, and you've got plenty of time;
+      I'll stay with your friend till you come back."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw went, an' gate inside aw tell'd what aw wanted to a nice modest lukkin'
+      young woman, an' as sooin as shoo saw it, it seem'd to remind her ov her
+      early days, maybe shoo'd an old mother somewhear'at had one like it, or a
+      fayther moulderin' away i'th' churchyard'at had once been praad o' sich a
+      one. Aw ommost felt sooary aw'd spokken, for whativver it wor, it made her
+      bury her face in her white kertchy an' hurry away in a state o'
+      agitation'at touched me to th' quick. In abaat a minit, a young bit ov a
+      whipper-snapper ov a chap, wi' his hair pairted daan th' middle, comes,
+      an' aw tell'd him what aw wanted. He seized hold ov it an' began handlin'
+      it as if he'd noa more respect for it nor he had for hissen, (an' a
+      chap'at pairts his hair daan th' middle is nivver troubled wi' mich,) an'
+      then he started laffin' an' began axin' me all sooarts o' questions abaat
+      it." "Young man," aw sed, "Aw didn't come here to give th' history o' my
+      umbrella, aw coom to ax if yo could put mi name on it, an' if tha doesn't
+      stop off messin' it up an' daan awl come raand an' see if my shoe tooa can
+      stir thi brains a bit." He saw aw meant it so he sobered daan a bit an'
+      handed it back to me, an' he sed 'he wor varry sorry but it wom't i' their
+      line, but if aw tuk it across to a ironmonger's opposite aw should happen
+      be able to get a door-plate to fit it.' "An' if aw do," aw says, "awl come
+      for thy heead for th' door nop an' when aw come aght o' that shop yo
+      couldn't tell whear th' pairtin' o' that chap's hair had been, but awl bet
+      it wom't i'th' middle for a wick or two at after.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw didn't goa to th' ironmongers, but aw went back to whear aw'd left
+      Billy, but he wor soa taen up wi' th' guard wol aw sat mi daan, quietly to
+      wait an' as aw'd been put abaat a bit aw eased misen wi' havin' a tawk to
+      mi umberel.&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      What matters if some fowk deride,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' point wi' a finger o' scorn?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Th' time wor tha wor lukt on wi' pride,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Befoor mooast o' th' scoffers wor bom.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But awl ne'er turn mi back on a friend,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Tho' old fashioned an' grey like thisel;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But awl try to cling to thi to th' end,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Tho' tha'rt nobbut an old umberel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Whear wod th' young ens'at laff be to-day,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But for th' old ens they turn into fun?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Who wor wearin' thersen bent an' grey,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      When theirdays had hardly begun?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Ther own youth will quickly glide past;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      If they live they'll all grow old thersel;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' they'll long for a true friend at last,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Though it's nobbut an old umberel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Tha's grown budgey, an' faded, an' worn,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Yet thi inside is honest an' strong,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But thi coverin's tattered an' torn,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' awm feeard'at tha cannot last long.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But when th' few years 'at's left us have run,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' to th' world we have whispered farewells;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      May they say'at my duty wor done,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      As weel as mi old umberel's.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awd getten soa far when they called me to'em, an' after another sup we bid
+      gooid day to th' guard, gate into th' cab an' wor sooin at Victoria
+      station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we gate thear, we fan th' train didn't start till past eight o'clock.
+      "Nah, tha's getten us into a bonny mullock, tha has! Aw thowt tha reckoned
+      to know summat abaat travellin'. We've hauf a day to goa wanderin' abaat
+      an' me i' this state&mdash;net fit to walk a yard. What does ta mean to
+      do? We'd happen better caar here? An' ther's three quarters o' malt i'th'
+      mash at hooam an' here aw am hallockin' abaat fast what to do wi' mi
+      time."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat thy three quarters o' malt, Billy; if tha'rt soa
+      anxious abaat it tha should ha' stopt wi' it or else browt it wi' thi! Awm
+      baan to have summat to ait an' tha can pleas thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw nooan want to pleeas misen, net aw marry! Aw've come here o'
+      purpose to pleas thee. Do whativver tha likes it'll be reight to me; tha's
+      getten me here nah soa aw mun mak th' best on't."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We set off an' had a long walk an' aw could see'at he wor a bit capt as we
+      passed some o' th' big buildins an' monuments soa aw ax'd his opinion
+      on'em.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry fair, considerin'," he sed, "but aw expected findin' 'em bigger,
+      an' thes nooan on'em ovver cleean."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw sed, "tha'll have to goa a long way to find bigger nor theas."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They're noa bigger, accordinglye to th' place nor yond little haase o'
+      mine up at th' moor end."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk him into a place whear aw knew we could get a gooid meal at a
+      reasonable rate an' axt him what he'd have.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dunnot know what to say&mdash;ther's nowt aw dar touch wi' mi stummack
+      i' this state&mdash;thee order what tha likes."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm gooin' in for a mutton chop an' some fried puttates."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for
+      aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect it
+      willn't be fit to sup."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his didn't
+      last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for a matter
+      o' five minits nawther on us spake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine, but
+      if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to put
+      th' price on it awl warrant."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he
+      polished'em.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk o'
+      cake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas at
+      hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll agree
+      wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an'
+      we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see after
+      tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen shillin'
+      a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther must be some
+      mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it wor all reight,
+      ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd Billy, an' ax'd what
+      we should do.&mdash;"Do just as tha likes," he says, "tha has it all i'
+      thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can awther goa or stop just
+      as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich things, it's nobbut thee'at
+      has all th' knowledge;&mdash;but <i>aw know what aw wish.</i>"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets
+      an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy
+      slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin'
+      "Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he
+      sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to
+      set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we
+      could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight agate
+      o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd ha'
+      seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on a par
+      wi' all tha does!&mdash;but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember
+      thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a table
+      full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor sooin off,
+      but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa up stairs, so
+      we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses all grinnin'
+      an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a guess what it
+      meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor rainin' an'
+      blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th' Atlantic Ocean.
+      Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor fain to let mi
+      cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire rooap an' ther wor
+      noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him in a bit, "Tha'rt
+      varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he
+      lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just
+      abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet it
+      wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained ovver
+      to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw nivver
+      lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear an' aw
+      saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land,
+      whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a
+      little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood
+      to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas he
+      wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to
+      Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta
+      feel?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an' aw
+      tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll
+      goa straight back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable
+      carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened th'
+      sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin' in th'
+      harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle saanded an' th'
+      train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at hauf-past six o'
+      one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When we gate aght o'th'
+      station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to seek lodgins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th' sky,
+      an' finished off wi' starin' at me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well?" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, it's nowt!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER III. JENDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9035.jpg" alt="9035 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9035.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit
+      to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an'
+      as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked
+      as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he wor.
+      "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they
+      liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin
+      aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try some
+      quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to Dick an'
+      run th' risk o' what it costs?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th'
+      winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th' shop
+      for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered an' a
+      young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an' dried
+      in a hurry, coom to meet us&mdash;"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain English?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny compronpa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English they
+      tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant
+      believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite&mdash;Have, you,&mdash;a&mdash;bedroom?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny compronpa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt
+      touch her wi' th' tangs!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if th'
+      smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another try&mdash;French
+      this time,&mdash;"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed, "what is it
+      tha wants?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw reckon?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste&mdash;for aw should'nt
+      care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd
+      ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a bit
+      o' summat to ait if we want it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin
+      browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he nobbut
+      just tasted on it an' put it daan agean.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,&mdash;it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an'
+      sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do yo
+      allussell it warm like that?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep it i'
+      ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant know th'
+      difference&mdash;Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be
+      luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that
+      befoor yo've been long."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense&mdash;why, when
+      awm brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a
+      Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm
+      back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin it,
+      aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' place ud do weel enuff if ther wor owt to be made at it, but ther
+      isnt hauf as monny fowk as what ther's accomodation for, aw've lost a
+      gooid bit o' brass sin aw coom an' if yo ax other fowk they'll tell yo th'
+      same tale."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we'd finished he tuk us up a corkscrew staircase an' showed us two
+      raams&mdash;they wor cleean, thers noa denyin' that, an' they wor
+      furnished, after a fashion&mdash;part Parisian an' pairt Brummagem&mdash;aw
+      should think what wor in em booath had'nt been bowt for a penny less nor
+      thirty shillin', but ther wor white lace curtains up to th' winders an'
+      they lukt varry weel throo th' aghtside an' that wor all at mattered. We
+      booath on us wanted a wesh, an' on a little table we'd each on us a cream
+      jug an' sugar basin, an' we had to mak th' best on em; thear wor noa feear
+      on us sloppin' ony watter abaat, for if we had ther'd ha been nooan left.
+      After dippin' us finger ends in we rubbed us faces ovver an' tryin' to
+      believe at we wor a deeal better for th' trouble we started for a luk
+      raand aghtside. Aw thowt Billy lukt varry glum agean an' as he did'nt
+      offer to tell me th' reason aw axd him if ther wor owt'at had'nt suited
+      him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's nowt'at has suited me soa far, an' what's moor nor that ther's net
+      likely to be&mdash;an' to mend matters when aw come to luk i' mi box, awm
+      blessed if aw hav'nt come withaat a cleean shirt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw says, "ther's a shop across th' rooad at sells em soa tha can
+      easily mak that reight," soa we went inside an' aw tell'd him as plain as
+      iwer aw could spaik'at we wanted a shirt, an' aw pointed to his mucky
+      dicky. "Wee, wee," he sed, an' jabbered away, an' Billy tawked back to him
+      like a man, an' gave him sich a karacter i' broad Yorsher as awm sewer he
+      wod'nt want i' writin' if he wor lukkin aght for a fresh shop. Th' ticket
+      wor easy to read soa Billy paid him six francs an' walked away wi it in a
+      breet green paper box, an' we turned back to us lodgins for him to put it
+      on. He had'nt been up stairs long befoor aw thowt one ov his bilious
+      attacks had come on agean&mdash;"Sammy!" he bawled aght, "come here!" soa
+      aw went to see what wor to do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Luk thear! What does yond chap tak us for? Awm in a gooid mind to tak
+      this back an' shove it daan his throit! Is ther owt like a woman abaat me,
+      thinks ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thear it wor reight enuff, printed on th' box i' big letters, "Chemise."
+      "Well, he's varry likely made a mistak, here mistress!" aw sed as shoo wor
+      just passin th' door, "shirt&mdash;he wants a shirt an' they've seld him a
+      shift." Shoo lifted her e'e broos ommost to th' top ov her heead an' lukt
+      at th' box an' then shoo pointed to his dicky an' sed, "Chemise! wee,
+      wee."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Shoo's war nor a guinea pig, wi her ivverlastin' 'wee wee,'" sed Billy,
+      an' he wor shuttin' th' box up agean but shoo coom up an' tuk it aght an'
+      awm blowed if it wornt a shirt after all. After that we decided to goa to
+      th' Exhibition an' spend th' furst day thear&mdash;but as Billy wor
+      detarmined net to walk an' wod call at ivvery shop'at had one o' Bass's or
+      Alsop's cards ith' winder it tuk us wol after dinnertime to get thear, but
+      it wornt after th' time'at we could do wi a dinner for all that, but ther
+      wor soa mich to see wol aitin seem'd ommost aght o' th' question&mdash;even
+      Billy, although he wor walkin up an daan oppen maath seemed to ha
+      forgetten to grow dry. They manage theas things better i' France; (aw
+      fancy aw've heeard that befoor) but although aw know awst nivver be able
+      to do justice to it, yet aw think aw owt to give yo as gooid an' accaant
+      as aw can. Well then to begin wi; we'll goa back a little bit an' mak a
+      fair start.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In a strange country mooast things luk strange an' ith' walk we'd had we
+      saw a deeal at capt us, but nowt moor surprisin' nor th' amaant o' ugly
+      wimmen. We'd come prepared to be dazzled wi female luvliness an' grand
+      dresses but ther wor nowt at sooart to see. Th' mooast on em wor dark
+      skinned&mdash;sharp een'd, podgy-bodied, dowdy-donned crayturs'at lukt
+      varry mich like wesherwimmen aght o' wark. Th' chaps wor better lukkin' bi
+      th' hauf, but Billy sed he thowt they'd luk better if they'd stop off
+      suppin' red ink an' get some gooid ale an' beef onto ther booans. But
+      ther's one thing'at aw dooant believe ony Frenchman can do, an' that is,
+      slouch along th' street wi his hands in his pockets like a thorough-bred
+      Yorksherman! Even them at's huggin looads o' boxes an' hampers o' ther
+      rig, (sich looads as a Yorksher chap ud stand an' luk at wol somdy went
+      an' fotched a horse an' cart,) trip away as if they'd somewhear to goa,
+      an' as if ther feet had been created to carry ther body an' net as if it
+      wor th' body at had been intended to trail th' feet after it. An' yet
+      someha or other, nubdy seemed to be in a hurry&mdash;th' street cars are
+      run thear to save th' trouble o' walkin', but ther seems to be noa idea o'
+      savin time. If a chap wants to ride he nivver thinks to wait wol a car
+      comes up to him, he walks on till he ovvertaks one. Th' cabs are a little
+      bit better as regards speed but aw could'nt help thinkin' at if they'd
+      give th' horses moor oats an' less whip it ud be better for all sides. Aw
+      nivver i' mi life heeard owt like th' whipcrackin' at wor to be heeard
+      ith' busy streets, it reminded me o' nowt soa mich as th' fourth o' July
+      in America; ivvery driver wor alike an' ther whips went wi as mich
+      regilarity as a wayver's pickin' stick. To us it wor a newsance an' for
+      th' chaps it must ha been hard wark but th' horses did'nt seem to tak ony
+      nooatice&mdash;but if they give'em plenty o' whip aw dooant think they oft
+      kill'em wi wark, for we passed monny a team o' six or eight mucky lukkin'
+      grays, big booaned an' ill tended an' wi heeads on'em like soa monny
+      churns turned th' wrang end up, at wor walkin' i' single file an'
+      suppooased to be draggin' a waggon wi a looad ov abaat hauf a tun. Ther
+      wor noa shops or buildins'at had owt abaat'em to admire an' aw must
+      confess aw felt a trifle disappointed, but aw wor detarmined net to show
+      it, for Billy had curled up his nooas when he started aght an' if he did
+      spaik at all it wor allusth' same strain o' regret for what he'd left, an'
+      contempt for all he'd fun.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This wornt varry mich to be wondered at, as we discovered next day'at we'd
+      been trailin abaat throo all th' back slums an' had nivver once getten
+      onto th' reight track, an' it wor moor bi gooid luck nor gooid management
+      at we ivver fan th' exhibition buildin' at all, but when we did, even
+      Billy could'nt grummel. It wor a queer feelin at coom ovver me when aw
+      went in. Aw seemed to sink into insignificance all at once, an' aw
+      could'nt help thinkin' at ther wor happen moor trewth i' what awr Mally
+      had tell'd me nor awd felt inclined to admit,&mdash;Aw could see at Billy
+      wor as mich capt as me for he walked a yard or two an' then stopt to turn
+      raand, an' his een lukt fairly to be startin' aght ov his heead, an' his
+      lower jaw hung onto his shirt as if th' back hinge ov his face had
+      brokken. "Nah," aw says, "what does ta think abaat this? will this do for
+      thi?" but he nobbut gave me a luk an' withaat spaikin' went a yard or two
+      farther an' turned raand agean. After a while we gained th' oppen air
+      agean an' then we sat daan whear we could have a view o' th' watter fall
+      an faantens. "This is grand," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha says reight for once, an'to tell th' plain trewth nah, awm nooan
+      sooary aw've come, for it'll fit me to tawk abaat for monny a year."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, awm glad tha's fun summat to suit thi an' aw think tha will be
+      suited befoor we've done; for th' buildin' we've come throo is varry
+      little moor nor th' gateway to a show at occupies 140 acres. Aw dooant
+      think we've owt i' England to equal that!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Now!&mdash;Bith' heart! Sammy; if a chap could nobbut get that buildin'
+      at a easy rent, an' start it as a brewery it ud lick owt o' th' sooart we
+      have! Tha sees ther's plenty o' gooid watter&mdash;yo could pile yor
+      barrels up ith' centre thear&mdash;therms plenty o' raam for th' waggons
+      to goa in an' aght&mdash;th' brewin plant could be fixed at this end&mdash;th'
+      malt an' hops could be kept i' one o' them steeples, an' th' grains could
+      be shot aght o' that winder. It mud ha been built for it. It nobbut wants
+      them moniments an' gim-cracks clearin aght, an' it could be made to do i'
+      noa time ommost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, Sammy aw must say awm fain aw've come, an if tha's a mind, we'll
+      get aght o' th' sun an' see if we can get summat to sup, but we will'nt
+      have ale this time; aw dooant feel to care soa mich abaat it just nah. If
+      tha's nowt agean it we'll join at one o' them bottles o' red ink; it can
+      nobbut pooisen us'schews ha."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw felt soa mad wol aw could'nt help wishin' at it wod pooisen him for aw
+      thowt he desarved it. We went to a bonny little place whear aw saw some
+      bottles an' glasses, aw dooant know what to call it, but it wor a sooart
+      ov a goa between a public haase an' a summer haase, an' aw managed to mak'
+      a bonny young lass understand what we wanted, an' shoo sarved us wi a
+      smilin' face an' as mich curtseyin' as if we'd gooan to ax abaat th'
+      vallyation, an' when aw held aght a handful o' silver for her to tak pay
+      aght on, shoo nobbut tuk one French shillin, an' yo can buy em at tuppence
+      apiece less nor awrs. We thowt that wor bein' gentlemen at a varry cheap
+      rate. Yo may hardly believe it, but aw've paid three times as mich for
+      stuff'at has'nt been hauf as gooid,&mdash;"Aw call this reasonable," aw
+      says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Cheap as muck," sed Billy, "its worth that mich to see a bonny lass like
+      that&mdash;tha sees shoo's like a lady an' shoo knows manners too. Its a
+      thaasand pities at shoo connot tawk gradely English."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It is; shoo's to be pitied for that. English fowk have a deeal to be
+      thankful for, but happen shoo's satisfied, for shoo'll be able to
+      understand other fowk."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha munnat tell me at a lass like yond can ivver be satisfied wi a lot o'
+      gabberin' fowk at cant tawk soas to be understood, shoo's like yond
+      buildin' we've just come throo, shoo owt to be put to a better purpose.
+      A'a! what a brewus yond wod mak'!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha knows we've all noations ov us own, an' aw connot agree wi thee
+      thear. Tha seems to care nowt abaat art, all tha thinks on is ale."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, did ta ivver know onnybody at filled ther belly o' art? Nah aw've
+      known monny a one do it wi ale. That's th' way to luk at it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's thy way but it is'nt mine, but as time's gooin on lets goa into th'
+      place whear all theas wonderful things are to be seen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Goa thi ways, for thar't th' mooast restless chap aw ivver knew, tha'rt
+      like a worm on a whut backstun, an' if tha gets into a comfortable corner
+      tha will'nt stop. It's nice an' cooil here, but awst be sweltered i' th'
+      sunshine. If th' weather's owt like this at hooam it'll play the hangment
+      wi yond galcar."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awm net gooin to say mich abaat th' Exhibition for one or two reasons&mdash;furst
+      is aw think it's been a deeal better done bi somdy else, an' second, it'll
+      tak up soa mich time, an' ther's net monny fowk at has'nt seen one, an'
+      they're all mackley&mdash;Its enuff to say at this licks all at's gooan
+      befoor it, an' 'at noa Englishman had ony need to shame for his country,
+      an' nubdy had moor cause for pride nor Yorksher fowk. We roamed abaat for
+      an' haar or two but feastin' one's een does'nt satisfy th' stummack, an'
+      soa aw hinted at we should goa to th' English buffet whear my guide book
+      sed we could get owt we wanted to ait an' find fowk at could tawk English.
+      As sooin as aw mentioned it Billy sed he cared nowt for a buffet, he'd a
+      deeal rayther have a arm cheer, but when aw explained what it wor he wor
+      ready enuff to goa. Awd been warned befoor aw coom abaat extortion an'
+      roagery an' tell'd what awful charges they made for simple things, but aw
+      meant havin summat daycent to ait whativver it cost&mdash;soa we sat daan
+      an' ordered soop, an' a plate o' rost beef an' puttates, an' some roily
+      polly puddin for a start, an' we thowt if that wornt enuff, we'd ax if
+      they could give us a plate o' pie. We sooin gate throo th' soop, but we
+      sat a long time waitin' for th' rost beef to follow. Next to Billy wor a
+      Frenchman an' his wife,&mdash;(aw sup-pooas Frenchmen have wives
+      sometimes,)&mdash;an' one o' th' waiters browt him a nice plate o' boiled
+      chicken, soa we thowt, but he didnt seem to tak onny noatice on it but
+      went on wi his tawkin&mdash;Billy kept lukkin first at him an' then at th'
+      plate an' at last he turned to me an' says, "This chap doesnt seem hungry
+      an' its a pity to see this gooin cold," soa he shifted th' plate an' began
+      to wire in. It did'nt tak him aboon three minutes to finish th' lot an' he
+      passed back th' empty plate,&mdash;an' just then th' waiter coom wi awr
+      rost beef. We'd just getten fairly started when th' Frenchman turned raand
+      to begin, an' when he saw th' plate wi nowt on it he lukt as if he could
+      ha swallered them at had swallered his dinner, an' he called for th'
+      waiter an' be th' way he shaated an' shrugged his shoolders it wor plain
+      to be seen'at he wor lettin somdy have it hot, but that did'nt affect
+      Billy for he wor cooil enough an' stuck to his mark like a brick, but this
+      Frenchman wor detarmined net to let it drop soa easily, an' he stormed an'
+      raved as if he'd been robbed ov a pop-ticket, "Whats to do wi this cranky
+      fooil," sed Billy?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' waiter could spaik English an' he says, "This gentleman says that he
+      has had nothing to eat and he wont pay, and I am certain I brought him a
+      dish of stewed frogs, and now he wants to declare he's never seen them!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy's face went as white as mi hat, an' he dropt his knife an' fork,
+      "Nah, aw've done it!" he sed, spaikin' to me, "awst be pooisened, aw know
+      aw shall! It's all thy fault an' tha'll ha to answer for it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awd nowt to do wi it, tha should let stuff alooan at doesnt belang to
+      thi; but ha did they taste?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw thowt awd nivver had owt as grand i' mi life an' aw wor meeanin to
+      have another plate but nah at aw know what it wor awd rayther ha gien a
+      fiver nor ha touched sich-like powse. Tha mun promise me nivver to tell
+      when we get back, or else they'll plague me abaat it as long as they've a
+      day to live."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He seemed to ha lost his appetite after this, but aw stuck to mi corner
+      an' made a rattlin dinner an' when awd to pay, an' it wor nobbut two
+      franks an' a hauf (that's little moor nor two bob,) aw felt varry mich
+      inclined to ax em if they could let us have a bed for th' neet, an then
+      awd send for awr Mally an' live thear for six months, for awm sewer aw
+      could'nt live as cheap at hooam. Then we went to have a luk at th'
+      picturs, an' aw felt praader nor ivver as aw went throo th' English
+      gallery&mdash;it wor grand! but ther wor others at wor ommost as gooid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther wor a lot o' gooid paintins i' th' French gallery, an' it towt me th'
+      meanin o' what fowk call 'poor art,' for th' French art is too poor to
+      find clooas for th' men an' wimmen they paint, for throo one end o' th'
+      raam to t'other it lukt like nowt as mich as a empty swimmin bath whear a
+      craad o' wimmin, three rows deep, wor waitin' for th' watter to come in.
+      Billy pooled a handful o' copper aght ov his pocket an' reckoned to be
+      thrang caantin it, wol he gat aghtside, for he could'nt fashion to luk up,
+      an' aw felt thankful at Mally wor at hooam. Awve noa daat ther wor a deeal
+      o' beauty at we missed, an' a deeal o' things'at wor varry trew to natur
+      but its possible for trewth to be too bare-faced at times. It had getten
+      farish on ith' day when we coom aght, dazed and maddled wi th' wonders'at
+      we'd seen, (an' we had'nt seen a quarter o' what wor thear) an' we felt at
+      a cup o' teah, wod'nt do us ony harm soa we started off for us lodgins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy sed he'd had enough o' walkin' an' he wod'nt stir another peg till
+      we gat a cab, soa aw put up mi finger an' one coom. Aw tried all th'
+      French aw knew an' a gooid deeal o' th' English but he could'nt understand
+      a word, soa aw wrate th' name o' th' place an' th' name o' th' street on a
+      card an' gave it him an' he grinned like a Cheshire cat an' started off.
+      It wor then we began to find aght what Payris wor like. We went throo one
+      big archway at they call Arc de Triomphe de'Etoile, an' it fairly made us
+      tremmel. Aw lukt at mi guide book, (an' yo can do th' same if yo have
+      one,) an' gat to know all abaat it, an' what it had cost; aw cant say'at
+      it seems varry useful but its varry ornamental. We rattled on throo
+      bustlin streets whear th' shops wor palaces, an' ther wor soa mich to tak
+      us fancy at we tuk noa noatice o' th' cab chap wol he pooled up suddenly
+      ith' front ov a arched passage an' coom an' oppened th' door an' pointin
+      to th' haase he mooationed us to get aght. But it wom't th' reight shop!
+      'Café du Nord,' wor printed up an 'Manchester House,' wor on a big sign
+      an' 'English spoken,' wor i' big gold letters on th' winders but it wor
+      nawther th' same place nor th' same street at we'd left ith' mornin. Aw
+      gat aght to mak enquiries but Billy wod'nt stir. "Arnt ta baan to get
+      aght?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst stir nooan wol yo find th' reight shop, awm varry comfortable here."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw did'nt feel varry comfortable, but aw went inside to mak a few
+      enquiries, but they mud as weel ha been Objibberaway Indians for ony sense
+      aw could mak on em, they did plenty o' bowin an' scrapin an' hutchin up o'
+      ther shoolders but that did'nt help me ony, soa aw gate hold o' one chap
+      bi th' collar an' tuk him an' planted him opposite th' words 'English
+      Spoken,' an' aw says, "Nah then, can ta read that?" "Wee, wee," he sed an'
+      off he set, an' aw lukt for th' cab an' Billy but awd hard wark to find
+      'it for ther wor a craad o' fowk gethered raand an' th' driver wor stampin
+      an' ravin away at Billy wol he fair fooamed at th' maath, an' aw felt
+      thankful just then'at aw did'nt understand French, for my belief is at he
+      wornt prayin for him to get aght but swearin at him for stoppin in, but
+      Billy wor lainin back smookin a cigar an' seemed to be enjoyin it. "Sacrey
+      mon dew!" he shaated at him. "Sacrey thisen, if tha wants," sed Billy,
+      "awst nooan stir aght o' this wol tha finds th' reight shop; if tha connot
+      find it awm sewer aw connot an' aw've trailed abaat wol awm stall'd."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But, for a blessin, th' chap at awd had hold on, coom back an' browt a
+      lass wi him, one at aw sup-pooas wor kept o' purpose for th' job, an' as
+      shoo happened to know as mich English as aw did French we gate on
+      famously. At last aw bethowt me o' th' railway station an' that shoo
+      seemed to understand, an' shoo tell'd th' driver summat, but he seemed to
+      think he'd had enuff on us, but aw shoved him o' one side an' set daan
+      along-side Billy, an' as he could see noa way else aght on it, he jumpt on
+      th' dicky an' tuk his revenge aght o' th' horse. Be-foor he gat us to th'
+      station aw saw th' haase we wor seekin soa aw stopt him, an' we gat aght,
+      an' as we gave him double his fare he gave us a flourishin' salute an
+      drave off. As aw wor gooin in at th' door Billy pooled me back an' pointed
+      to two little childer abaat eight year old an' he laft wol he could'nt
+      spaik for ivver so long, "He, he, he, ho! did ta ivver come across owt
+      like that? Tha mun tell Mally abaat that when tha gets hooam for it licks
+      all! Why even th' bits o' childer can tawk French!" an' it wor true too,
+      tho' when aw coom to consider abaat it aw did'nt see owt soa varry
+      wonderful in it after all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A cup o' teah an' a walk to th' railway station whear we gat a gooid wesh
+      for a penny, freshened us up a bit an' we prepared to spend th' furst neet
+      i' Payris th' same as mooast fowk do; that is, we started aght i' hoaps at
+      we should see summat at we should condemn after we'd seen it, an' deplore
+      th' existence ov th' varry things at form th' principal attraction for
+      nine aght o' ivvery ten at pay a visit to th' finest city ith' world,
+      whear gaiety flooats ovver th' surface o' ivverything an' th' cankerin
+      sorrow is busy deep ith' heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      A sorrowing heart ne'er seems as sad
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      As when'midst gaiety;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      You see beneath the flimsy veil,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Its writhing misery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      The apple with the golden rind,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The greedy eye gloats o'er,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But then, alas,'tis sad to find
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Dry ashes at its core.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      The smiling face, the beaming eye.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The soft and snowy skin;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Turns pleasure into horror when
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      We find all black within.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Better the humblest face and form.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      If virtue dwells therein;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Than all the beauties that adorn
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The inward heart of sin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0053m.jpg" alt="0053m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0053.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0054m.jpg" alt="0054m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9054.jpg" alt="9054 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      OULEVARD des Italiens;&mdash;aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
+      saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut a
+      street after all.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
+      carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into one
+      fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry nearly
+      ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith' front
+      on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an' chattin
+      an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther wor one
+      thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther wives an'
+      ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt tell owt they
+      sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen. We walked along,
+      starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor strange to us. Th'
+      gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes, an' they wor leeted up
+      like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or cigar shops, an' th' leets
+      throo th' winders made all seem as breet as day ommost. Even Billy seemed
+      satisfied wi it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
+      corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
+      th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
+      away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook or
+      strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor varry gooid
+      friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th' Tuileries
+      Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor workin, an'
+      th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen furst rate,
+      an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an' he wor soa
+      takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry, an' it wornt
+      until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a maath. It wor
+      strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see awm leearnin
+      French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa, "When yo're i'
+      Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant think at th' ale
+      is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled on until we saw
+      summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we made for that. Aw
+      thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for some famous chap to
+      goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an' shooldered mi umberel an'
+      walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it wor noa use jfor we had to
+      pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot! It wor unlike owt awd ivver
+      seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat fairy land, but fairy land wor a
+      fooil to it&mdash;faantens an' flaars an' coloured lamps ivverywhear an'
+      ith' middle on it all wor a stage for doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we
+      wor lukkin at it a chap comes up an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver
+      saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life. "Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm
+      blessed if aw can tell whear aw've met thi befoor," an' he held aght his
+      hand to shake hands wi him an' as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved
+      him a ticket into it an' stood waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear,
+      soa aw tuk one an' gave th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw
+      at they wer nobbut programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up,
+      th' doncin stage wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young
+      wimmen aw ivver saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt
+      but angels,) an' ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy
+      an' me wor ith' front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver
+      forget, but one such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe
+      th' pen's been made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor
+      like. It wor indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin
+      an' attempt at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes
+      an' played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
+      em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an' wimmen, some
+      on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,&mdash;young, an' innocent;&mdash;will
+      ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net. An' soa that's what
+      all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an' temples is for. A
+      glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels to hide a festerin
+      sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck; an' bi that means to
+      thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an' seek for admiration, an'
+      applause for that which makes ivvery drop o' virtuous blooid i' yor body
+      stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th' inmost chamber o' yor heart to
+      mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister, Modesty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,) an'
+      then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut th' middle
+      word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat thear we
+      pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to, for we wor
+      just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho' aw dreamt a
+      gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha liked em, for
+      all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as aw could to get
+      aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi th' pooaker i' one
+      hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother to blow me up, an' fowk
+      a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh heeld booits, silk
+      stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw wor thankful to find at aw
+      wor at a safe distance throo em all, an' especially Mally. But ther wor a
+      fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw
+      could reight reckon it up, but when aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy
+      slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if ther'd been a whut cinder under me an'
+      flew to see what wor to do. It wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw
+      had'nt, one o' them two wod ha been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha
+      been Billy. Nah, awve monny a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage
+      ther is in a pair o' booits an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met
+      a brave man when in his shirt an nowt else&mdash;let a chap have his
+      booits an' his britches on, an' he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent
+      throo his heead or his heart, but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit
+      an' run th' risk o' havin' ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght
+      o' th' arms o' Morpheus, aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate
+      into th' next hoil an' went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an'
+      another chap, aw lukt varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha
+      lukt like at my age if they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've
+      allusseen him pictured in as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one
+      Englishman is equal to two Frenchmen at ony time&mdash;but like a lot moor
+      o' th' old sayins it isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can
+      bother a couple o' Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an'
+      this happened to be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us
+      booath if he'd takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he
+      left Billy an' stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt
+      aght for a chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that
+      settled him. If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf
+      as helpless, as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call
+      it ovver coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi
+      it,) hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off
+      Billy's bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin'
+      sheet; but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
+      shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
+      makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap he
+      wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does ta
+      think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
+      muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened up
+      he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets, an'
+      when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away as
+      mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest to
+      represent Liberty&mdash;republican liberty aw mean,&mdash;an' shoo shaated
+      an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+      altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+      an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+      sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo wol
+      shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked aght
+      as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another 'gooid
+      neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy ith'
+      mornin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0061m.jpg" alt="0061m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0061.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <h3>
+      DIMANCHE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9061.jpg" alt="9061 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9061.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony other
+      day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower nooat, an'
+      th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly, an' th' trees wave
+      ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they whisper to each other
+      an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may nobbut be a fancy, but
+      it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th' time o' bits o' upsets an'
+      bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th' rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o'
+      that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up pleasant memories an fond
+      con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a while amang mi fancies an' mi
+      follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast Billy wor waitin', an' aw could
+      see'at Sundy made a difference even to him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer,
+      an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on his top-pin', an' he'd treated
+      hissen to a shave for th furst time sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid
+      me gooid clothes early in the morning an' brush them and bring them back,
+      he's the valet de chambre.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi own
+      haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus, an' he'd
+      nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich obleeged to
+      yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen espescially, an'
+      then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an' donned awst be ready
+      to answer for it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Happen net,&mdash;but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
+      turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin a
+      bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a couple o'
+      cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor to be
+      sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been a
+      cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman wi
+      a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
+      nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
+      ha done for his braik-fast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle just
+      to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a handful
+      o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk aght one
+      france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a sodger, an'
+      he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin an' makkin bows
+      an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.&mdash;Thinks aw, a little brass
+      gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two chaps at hooam,
+      one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended that for em
+      booath.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began to
+      plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after starin
+      at me for a minit, he gave me a letter&mdash;When aw saw th' envelop aw
+      did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally an'
+      shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at Sammywell
+      Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood bi forriners,
+      shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i' Lundun," an'
+      pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Public Haase,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Payris."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0011" id="linkimage-0011"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0064m.jpg" alt="0064m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0064.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER V. VENDREDI.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      MALLY'S LETTER.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Deer Sammywell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If tha doesnt get this letter be sewer an' rite to let me know as awm
+      nooan fond o' wastin mi time penkin ower a piece a papper all for nowt an'
+      if tha does get it tha need'nt bother to let me know for awm ommost at mi
+      wits end an' fowks cryin shame on thi for leeavin me as tha does an' aw've
+      had nowt to ait nobbut a cup o' teah sin tha left except a beefsteak an' a
+      box o' pills an' ha they'll do for me aw connot tell yet but awl let thi
+      know next letter an' tha mun tell me iwerything tha does an' says for awve
+      had a nasty dream abaat thi an' aw fancied tha wor an' angel an' aw dooant
+      want thi to fly away an' leeav me befoor tha's settled thi club'at should
+      o' been paid last wick an' awr Hepsaba says at they'll happen present thi
+      wi a legion o' horror an' if they do aw want thi to leeav it behind for
+      we've lots o' flaysom stuff here already an' black clocks creeps abaat wi
+      as mich cheek as if it wor them at paid th' rent an' we're swarmin wi
+      flees noa moor at present soa tak care o' thi umberel an' be careful for
+      tha knows what aw meean for tha'rt a gronfather an aw believe awr
+      Hepsaba's child is gooin to have th' meeasles wi kind love noa moor at
+      present Billy's mother is ommost ranty abaat him for th' last brewin is
+      soa waik wol it will'nt run aght o' th' barrel an soa noa moor at present&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      A'a Sammywell ha can ta fashun
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      To leav thi wife i' this here fashion
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      When tha owt to be at hooam mindin thi wark.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But aw believe tha wor nivver fond o' wark.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Nah tha sees aw can rite as weel as thee an' if ther isnt as mich poetry
+      in it thers a deeal moor sense in it nor ther is ith' mooast o' thine soa
+      noa moor at present An' aw remane
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thi lawful wife an' dooant forget it
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mally Grimes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A'a! shoos th' same old lass as ivver shoo wor an' wi all her faults aw
+      love her still. "Nah Billy, whear are we to steer to to-day? What says ta
+      if we goa an' have a luk at th' Tuileries for they tell me at its a grand
+      spot?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it! Aw wish we wor gooin back hooam for aw call this a
+      waste o' booath time an' brass."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, tha'll begin to enjoy thisen nah an' awm sewer tha luks better an' aw
+      hav'nt heeard thi say owt abaat bein bilious sin yesterdy mornin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bilious! Who th' duce does ta think can be bilious in a country like
+      this? Ther's nowt to get bilious on!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sewar tha's seemd to enjoy thisen as far as aitin an' drinkin's
+      consarned, happen tha'd like a bottle o' ale befoor we start off?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay aw want noa ale. Aw dooant fancy it here th' same as when awm at
+      hooam. Aw wonder ha mi poor mother's gettin on. Ther's that three quarters
+      o' malt, an' here am aw payin soa mich a day for hallockin mi time away
+      dooin nowt; but let's start off for if ther's owt to see we may as weel be
+      lukkin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor a grand mornin, th' sky wor a breeter blue nor awd ivver seen it
+      an' as we walked on th' river side all wor gay an' bustlin, an' th' air
+      wor soa pure an' sweet wol it made us booath feel leeter, an' altho' it
+      wor varry whut it did'nt seem to weary us. Th' Tooileries, (yo can buy a
+      pictur on em for a penny,) aw shall'nt forget em in a hurry, we walked
+      raand em but it ud ha killed th' best pairt ov a day to ha done em
+      justice, pairt on em wor still standin up, blackened ruins, a monument
+      grim an' ghastly to testify to th' blind fury ov a lot o' misguided
+      fanatics at had escaped aght o' th' harness ov law's authority, an' to
+      gratify ther unreasonin desires for destruction, wrecked beauties, at
+      nawther ther brains nor ther purses had ever helpt to raise, an' left as a
+      legacy to others, th' cost an' th' labor to patch up, an' as far as can
+      be, replace what their senseless rage had destroyed, an' to try to blot
+      aght th' black stain,'at an' insane mob had left on the blooid red page ov
+      th' darkest day throo which fair France has passed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went throo th' Louvre next, an' if Payris could booast nowt else it
+      could still hold up its heead an' be praad;&mdash;even Billy wor varry
+      quiet as we went throo one gallery after another, an' aw must confess'at
+      aw wornt sooary when we gate aght for ther wor soa mich to dazzle one wol
+      th' pleasur wor painful. Just as we turned th' corner, Billy clapt his
+      hand o' mi shoolder an' browt us booath to a deead stand&mdash;"Sithee! by
+      gum! did ta ivver see sich a oonion as that i' thi life?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw lukt, an' reight enuff it wor a queer object at wor anent us, an' it
+      did'nt luk mich unlike a monster oonion th' wrang end up, an' as it sway'd
+      throo side to side it lukt like th' dome o' St. Paul's on th' rant, "Why,"
+      aw says, "that's th' baloon! What says ta if we have a ride?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whear too?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Up ith' air an' daan agean."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But what better shall we be when we get daan agean?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "When we goa up we shall be able to see all ovver Payris at once, an'
+      it'll be a grand seet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Will it!&mdash;Well if tha thinks awve come here to mak as big a fooil o'
+      misen as tha art, thart mistakken if tha wants to goa sky-larkin tha can
+      goa, but if awve ony larks awl have em o' th' graand."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, Billy, aw nivver thowt tha'd be flaid ov a bit ov a thing like
+      that, aw gave thi credit for moor pluck."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Pluck! does ta think at aw've kept a aleus at th' moorend all theas years
+      withaat pluck? Ther's moor pluck i' my little finger nor ther is ith'
+      whooal carcase ov a played-aght-old-poverty-knocker like thee, an' if aw
+      tak a fancy to goa up to th' mooin, aw shall goa!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We'd to pay a franc to get into th' square whear it wor, an' then it wor
+      20 francs to have a ride, "ray-ther a heigh price," aw sed to Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well its happen a heigh journey," he sed, "but awst want to have a gooid
+      luk at it befoor aw ventur, net at aw care owt abaat it whether its safe
+      or net, but just to see ha its contrived for commin daan. Well, aw do
+      wonder what they'll do next! ther's engines here big enuff to work a
+      factory, an' a rooap thick enuff to tug th' Great Eastern an' as mich
+      clooath used to mak that gurt bag as ud ha supplied ivvery poor body i'
+      Payris wi a new suit, an' as mich gas to fill it as ud sarve my aleus for
+      aw dooant know ha long; an' ther's as monny sailors to attend to it, as
+      John de Morgan can find sixpences ith' collectin' box, an' its all for
+      what? Nowt i' this world but to suit a lot o' strackle-brained fooils
+      at'll be just as wise, or less, after they've come daan as they wor befoor
+      they went up."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But i' spite o' all he had to say he meant gooin up, aw could see; net at
+      he wanted, an' net becoss he'd noa fear abaat it, but just on accaant o'
+      me havin spokken as aw did, an' rayther nor be thowt to be short o' pluck,
+      he'd ha gooan up if he'd felt sewer he'd nivver ha come, daan. Aw cant
+      say'at aw felt varry mich up on it, but aw wornt gooin to give Billy th'
+      chonce to crow ovver me, soa we went to th' little office an bowt a ticket
+      apiece an' wor sooin stood up amang a scoor moor in a big raand mahogny
+      tub'at they called a car. Th' time coom for us to be off an' after as mich
+      bustle an' shaatin as if we wor gooin to th' north powl, th' captain,&mdash;(Aw
+      suppooas he'd be a captain;)&mdash;sed, "Now we're off!" in as plain
+      English as aw ivver heeard. But aw did'nt see'at we wor gooin up at all,
+      for we did'nt seem to stir, but when Billy lukt ovver th' edge he turned
+      to me an' says, "E'e'gow! lad, th' world's tummelin!" An' that wor just
+      like what it seemed like, for asteead o' us seemin to be leeavin th'
+      world, th' world seemed to be leeavin us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Well, it wor a wonderful seet reight enuff; but when we'd getten to th'
+      end ov th' journey, an had mustered courage enuff to have a gooid stare
+      raand, Payris nobbut lukt a littlish spot compared wi all we could see
+      beyond it. A chap'at acted as guide gave a lectur, an' pointed aght
+      ivverything worth noatice, but as it wor all i' French it wor Dutch to
+      Billy an' me. We coom daan as gently as we'd gooan up, an' aw fancied at
+      we all seemed in a bigger hurry to get aght nor we'd been to get in&mdash;When
+      we stud once agean o' solid graand Billy stamped on it to mak sewer at it
+      did'nt shake an' findin it as firm as usual he turned to me, "Well, what
+      does ta think on it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, awm glad we've been up," aw sed, "for it 'll be summat for us to
+      tawk abaat."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, but awm glad we've come daan, for if we had'nt ther'd ha been
+      summat moor to tawk abaat, an' ony chap at'll goa up i' that consarn aboon
+      once, unless he's weel paid for it, owt to stop up. Sup-pooas th' rooaps
+      had brokken whear should we ha stopt thinks ta? Happen ha gooan up an' up
+      wol we'd struck bang agean th' top an' had to stick thear! It's what aw
+      call flyin ith' face o' Providence an' its a thing'at owt to be stopt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whear shall we goa next; suppooas we try Notter dame."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Try who tha likes if they sell a daycent article."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wornt meeanin owt to ait an' drink, aw meant a famous church'at ther
+      is."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Suit thisen, but awst nooan caar long to hear th' New Testyment made a
+      fooil on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We walked daan th' river side an' grand it wor&mdash;th' watter is a deeal
+      cleaner nor th' Thames, but th' river's varry narrow an' ther's bridges
+      ivvery few yards. Th' steeam booats wor full o' gaily dressed men an'
+      women, an' music wor playin, an scoars 0' little booats wor skimmin along;
+      all lukt lively an' fowk seemed happy. At ivvery convenient spot ther wor
+      men fishing wi ther long rods, an' lollin ith' sun watchin th' bit o' cork
+      bob up an' daan ith' watter; an' aw may as weel mention it here; aw saw
+      th' same chaps ivvery day ith' same spots, sometimes early ith' mornin,
+      sometimes when it wor ommost to dark to see, noa matter whativver time aw
+      passed they wor at ther old pooasts. Judgin bi ther dress they wornt
+      fishin for a livin, an' after lukkin at ther baskets an' nivver bein able
+      to see at one on em had getten owt, aw made it aght at they must be fishin
+      for enjoyment, an' aw hooap they catched it. Wol aw wor takken up wi
+      watchin'em Billy wor tryin to mak aght what wor gooin on o' th' other
+      side. "Sithee, Sammy! What's all yond; wimmen reckonin to be dooin? Are
+      they weshin'?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He'd guessed reight, an' thear they wor in a long shed at seemed to be fit
+      up wi ivverything they wanted, soa far as we could see at that distance,
+      an' they wor splashin an' brayin an' stampin an' tawkin as if ther lives
+      depended o' which could mak th' mooast ov a slop an' th' biggest din. As
+      we went walkin on, one o' th' seets at lukt to us mooast strange, wor th'
+      number o' men walkin abaat i' black petticoits an' brooad brimmed hats. If
+      a chaps face is an index to his karracter, as some fowk say it is, th'
+      fewer o' th' priests, sich as we met, an' th'better for th' country aw
+      should think. Aw dooant want to say owt to offend onybody, but to be
+      truthful awm foorced to say 'at aw pivver saw sich a lot o' ill favvord
+      fowk i' mi life, an' if Madam Tooswords wants to add another chamber o'
+      horrors to her show shoo could'nt do better nor get th' casts o' some o'
+      their mugs. Ther's noa likelihood o' ony wolves destroyin ony o' their
+      flocks, soa long as they've sich scarecrows for shepherds. Still they
+      seemed a jolly lot, but just as we gate to th' Cathedral a oppen cab
+      drives up, wi a priest in it i' full cannonicals, white lawn sleeves an'
+      all to booit; but th' seet on it knocked th' wind aght 0' booath Billy an'
+      me.&mdash;Aw dooant say'at what we saw wor wrang&mdash;aw say at it did'nt
+      luk reight to us&mdash;for he wor lollin' back ith' cab, dressed as awve
+      tell'd yo, withaat hat, an' smokin a short public haase clay pipe&mdash;It
+      saands strange to yo awve noa daat, but its true, an' when he jumpt aght,
+      he lifted up his petticoit an' pooled some paper aght ov his pocket, an'
+      stuffed some into th' pipe heead, put it in his pocket, spit onto th'
+      porch ov a temple erected for th' holiest o' purposes, an' makkin some
+      mooation at aw did'nt understand, he walked in, aw hooap wi motives purer
+      nor his clooas or his breeath wor likely to be. At ivvery corner at yo'd
+      to pass, wor a woman kneelin on a cheer, an' dressed to luk as solemn as a
+      mute at a funeral, an' to render as ugly as possible, faces an' forms'at
+      God had made beautiful; an' they'd each on 'em a bag i' ther hand wi a few
+      coppers in it, an' they shook'em as yo went past. Aw did drop a copper
+      into one but Billy wod'nt, for he sed if they wanted to cadge let'em goa
+      aght into th' street an' cadge reight. He'd hardly getten th' words aght
+      ov his maath when he sprang back an' planted his heavy booit fair at top
+      ov a corn at awve been nursin for th' thick end o' thirty year, an' made
+      me exhibit a one-legged performance at wor somewhat aght o' place just
+      then, but Billy wor too mad to tak ony noatice, an' wor havin a row wi a
+      long lank wizzened carcase an' face at belanged to a woman at stood behind
+      a little table, an' had a little besom in her hand, but when Billy axed
+      her what shoo'd done that for? shoo held up a bag wi some moor coppers in
+      an' shook it at him grinnin at him like a monkey. "What's to do?" aw ax'd
+      for it wornt a place to kick up a disturbance in&mdash;"Shoo's slarted me
+      all ovver mi face wi watter aght o' that besom."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tak noa noatice," aw sed, "it's a practice they have i' this country to
+      sprinkle fowk wi what they call holy watter;&mdash;ha mich did ta pay her
+      for it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Pay her! does ta think aw've gooan cleean of th' side?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, if tha hasnt paid her owt tha's lost nowt an' tha sees shoo has
+      lost her watter, an' her trouble."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' watter will'nt matter much for shoo'll be able to mak some moor as
+      sooin as that's done, an' as for th' trouble,&mdash;if awd had her
+      aghtside awd ha gein her trouble. But Sammy, is this a church or is it
+      some sooart ov a bazaar? Sithee, thers a woman thear sellin candles, an'
+      another little picturs an' gimcracks, aw did'nt know they allaad fowk to
+      sell stuff in a church. "What's yond chap dooin." We went to see, an' he
+      wor tawkin away at a gate an' as fowk went in he handed em a ticket for
+      which they paid. We follered an' he gave us each a ticket for 50c. an' we
+      went to see th' wonders o' th' Treasury, as it wor called. Aw quite agree
+      wi Billy'at it wor a sell, for ther wor little to see, an' that little not
+      near as well worth seein as ony silversmiths shop winder. We did'nt stop
+      long thear, but we had a long stroll throw th' buildin, an' it is a wonder&mdash;its
+      a whoal mass o' beauties&mdash;an' someha it has'nt soa mich ov a luk ov a
+      gravestooan makkers show raam, as awr St. Paul's an' Westminster Abbey&mdash;but
+      one thing spoilt it all to me, for it seemed to sarve noa purpose nobbut
+      money makkin, an' aw wonderd if th' time ud ivver come when another Man
+      should mak a scourge an' drive aght th' desecraters ov His Father's temple&mdash;It's
+      ommost time!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we left that grand old pile, we crossed a street an' entered a
+      buildin whear daily can be seen th' mooast sorrowful an' sickenin seet i'
+      Paris. Aw meean th' Morgue. When th' remembrance ov ivvery other seet has
+      faded, that'll still be fresh. It will'nt be rubbed aght an' yo connot
+      blot it aght, aw wish aw could. Billy gave one glance raand&mdash;"Aw'll
+      wait for thi aghtside," he sed, an' he wod'nt ha had long to wait if it
+      had'nt been'at aw felt it a sooart ov a duty to see all at wor to be seen.
+      It wor a scorchin hot day aghtside, but as sooin as yo entered this bare
+      comfortless lukkin place, yo felt a chill creep all ovver yo. Why it is'at
+      places intended to contain objects soa repulsive should be contrived i'
+      sich a way as to add to th' painfulness o' th' Exhibition aw could nivver
+      tell; but soa it is. Even i' Payris, whear glass an' glitter meets yo at
+      ivvery turn, an' ornamentation runs wild ovver ivverything, recent or
+      ruined, they could'nt spare one solitary touch to soften an' subdue soa
+      agonizin a show&mdash;But th' place wor full o' fowk an' 'at ther wor
+      summat moor nor common aw could guess. Inside a big glass screen, like th'
+      winder ov a fish shop, wor a big braan stooan slab wi watter tricklin
+      ovver it, an' on it wor laid three bodies'at had been pickt aght o' th'
+      river; one a man, but aw will'nt say owt abaat it&mdash;it wor too fearful
+      for me to try to paint it&mdash;one wor a bonny little lad abaat four
+      years old, weel nourished, an' ivvery thing it had on throo its shoes to
+      its hat showed ha praad sombody had been on it&mdash;My heart ached as aw
+      thowt o' that poor mother at wor somwhear lamentin' her loss, an' yet
+      buildin up hooaps at one glance at that little face wod settle for ivver&mdash;But
+      it wor th' third, raand which th' craad wor clusterin;&mdash;it wor that
+      ov a young woman, beautiful i' booath face an' form&mdash;soa beautiful'at
+      it wor hard to believe her deead. What could have caused her put an end to
+      a life'at had hardly fully blossomed into womanhood? It could'nt be
+      poverty, for th' jewels still on her small white hands, wod ha beep enough
+      to ha warded off want for a long time; 'er whole dress showed signs ov
+      wealth an' extravagance. Aw could nobbut wonder an' feel sad an' repeat
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      "Has she a Father?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a mother?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a sister?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a brother?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Or is there a nearer one
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Still, and a dearer one?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It lukt hard to see one soa young an' fair laid o' that weet stooan, past
+      all help&mdash;One could but sigh an' walk away
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      "Admitting her weakness,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Her evil behaviour;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But leaving with meekness,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Her sins to her Saviour."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When aw joined Billy agean aw wor startin to tell him all abaat it&mdash;"Shut
+      up!" he sed, "aw saw quite enuff, an' aw want to hear nowt noa moor abaat
+      it. If it suits thee to goa maunderin abaat seekin' foi sorrow, it doesnt
+      me. Aw want summat to ait, an' it'll have to be summat substantial, soa
+      leead th' way into th' furst place tha comes to at tha thinks gradely."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We kept walkin on, an' havin soa mich to luk at, we went a long way
+      withaat callin, but at last aw sed, "Wod ta like a plain sooart ov a shop
+      or mun we goa to a showy spot?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it whether its plain or net if ther's summat fit to
+      feed a true born Englishman throo Yorksher, but tha'll ha thi wark set to
+      find a place here'at isnt showy&mdash;in fact as far as aw can judge, it's
+      moor show nor owt else i' this blessed country; th' Exhibition is a big
+      show&mdash;th' baloon's another show&mdash;yond doncin demons wor a show&mdash;th'
+      churches are turned into shows&mdash;ther deead haase is a show&mdash;ther
+      buildins are stuck up an' bedizened wi gingerbreead an' gilt, all for show&mdash;th'
+      men an' wimmen are all shuffle an' show&mdash;an' sithee here! awm blowed
+      if ther isnt a church steeple stuck up for a show! Well, that's a rum en!
+      Aw've monny a time seen a church baat steeple but this is th' furst time
+      aw ivver saw a steeple baat church!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its true what tha says, an' a grand monument it maks ith' middle o' this
+      square. It luks weel doesnt it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Luks! aw care nowt abaat ha it luks! What is it for? That's what aw want
+      to know! What's th' use o' fillin up a place wi stuff at's o' noa use
+      nobbut to be lukt at?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They'll nivver stick thee up to be lukt at, for tha am't hansom enuff,
+      soa tha need'nt freeat!" aw says, for aw felt a bit nettled.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw dooant hardly think they will, an' aw should fancy they havnt
+      been to ax thee yet, have they? Aw think my turn'll be abaat th' next
+      after thine."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw did'nt answer him back, for a varry gooid reason; as long as a chap
+      tawks sense awl tawk to him, but as sooin as he maks a fooil ov hissen
+      aw've done.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah then, will this shop suit thi?" aw sed, as aw stopt anent a
+      resteraunt door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If its fit for a littleary chap like tha reckons to be, it should be
+      gooid enuff for a chap at keeps a aleus at th' moor end."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha thinks tha can get my monkey up wi mak-kin a desplay o' thi own
+      stupid ignorance tha'rt varry much mistakken! for awl nawther be put aght
+      o' temper wi thee nor a man twice as gooid! an' if tha'rt anxious to be
+      shut o' mi cumpny, aw think awst be able to spare thine!" an' aw walked on
+      leavin him to suit hissen whether he follerd me or net. Aw went to th' end
+      o' th' street an' wor just enterin another square wi another big monument
+      ith' middle, when aw turned raand to see if he wor comin, an' just as aw
+      did soa aw felt as if a cannon ball had landed o' mi stummack. A
+      potbellyed Frenchman, donned i' red britches, an' a black coit an' a white
+      appron teed raand him baanced abaat a yard off on me an' began tawkin an'
+      shruggin his shoolders an' poolin his face into all sooarts o' shaps&mdash;nah
+      it ud ha been better for him if he wor anxious to mak mi acquaintance, to
+      ha chosen another time&mdash;Aw did'nt loise mi temper, coss awd made up
+      mi mind'at aw wod'nt, but aw just gave him one for his nob'at sent him
+      spinnin like a castle top, an' his hat flew monny a yard, an' aw stood
+      ready to give him another o' th' same sooart if he thowt it worth his
+      while to fotch it, but he did'nt, an' varry sooin two or three gethered
+      raand us an' lukt as if they meant mischief to me, but aw kept cooil&mdash;aw
+      wor detarmined aw wod'nt be put aght o' temper; an' aw seized hold o' mi
+      umberel an' aw just felt as if aw could fettle abaat a duzzen on em&mdash;or
+      two duzzen for th' matter o' that,&mdash;its cappin what a chap fancies he
+      can do if he nobbut keeps cooil.&mdash;Just then Billy coom up an' th'
+      Frenchman went up to him an' aw suppooas bi th' way he kept pointin to me,
+      he wor tryin to explain matters, an' although Billy could'nt tell a word
+      he sed he seemed to understand what he meant, an' he sed to me, "come on
+      Sammy, awve ordered steaks an' puttates for two, an' another bottle o' red
+      ink. Tha's nowt to be feeard on, it'll be all reight."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Feeard on! ther's nowt aw am feeard on! Aw shuddent be feeard o' thee if
+      tha wor twice as big as tha art, aw can tell thi that mich! Tha's been
+      tryin all tha knows this mornin to mak me loise mi temper, but tha'rt
+      suckt, for it'll tak a better man nor thee!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw dooant think tha has lost it, Sammy, it'd be a gooid job if tha
+      had, an aw should pity th' chap at fun it, but ther's a treat for thi; tha
+      could'nt ha pickt aght a better shop nor this if tha'd gooan all throo
+      Payris, for ther's a stooan mason throo Manchester gettin his dinner, an'
+      he can tawk awther French or English, an' he's knockt off wark for th'
+      day, an' he's willing to show us raand."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This wor gooid news an' it made me feel&mdash;(not better tempered, becoss
+      awd nivver been aght o' temper, tho' Billy swears to this day at aw wor as
+      mad as a wasp, but then he's a poor judge o' human natur is Billy;) but it
+      made me feel moor,&mdash;well, moor,&mdash;aw hardly know what to say, but
+      yo'll know what aw meean, for awve noa daat yo've felt that way yorsen.
+      When we gate in, he wor as pleeased to see us as we wor to see him, an' he
+      sooin made th' Frenchman, (who turned aght to be th' maister) understand
+      ha things stood, an' then he shuk hands wi me an' bowed, an' sed summat;
+      an' th' mason tell'd me at he wor sayin 'he wor varry sooary if he'd hurt
+      me, an' hooaped aw should forgie him;' "Ov coorse," aw sed, "tell him awm
+      one'at nivver bears malice, an' at he mun thank his stars he met me when
+      he did, for if aw had'nt happened to be i' th' best humour ith' world, aw
+      should ha fettled his nop for him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, friend, be sewer an' tell him that for it'll happen saand moor like
+      trewth i' French nor it does i' English&mdash;" Th' steaks happenin to
+      come in just at that time put an' end to th' tawk, an' it wornt long
+      befoor we put an end to th' steak. Then they browt us a big dish o' fruits&mdash;grapes
+      an' plums an' apples an' peaches, an' we had a reight tuck in. "Aw dooant
+      think aw've etten as mich crash sin aw wor a lad," aw sed, an' Billy sed
+      he wor sewer he had'nt, an' he'd noa idea it wor as gooid as it wor!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well," th' mason sed, "that is owing to the climate, you would'nt enjoy
+      the same things as well at home&mdash;I get fruit for breakfast. I dont
+      think you drank much claret when you was at home."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sewer we did'nt," sed Billy, "for aw supt nowt but ale, an' nah aw
+      hardly feel to care for it. But aw dooant think ale's as gooid here as it
+      is at hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It ought to be for it comes from the best English breweries, but look at
+      these workmen gettin their dinners, they look a fine set of men."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      An' they did, an' Billy an' me did watch em, as aw began wonderin whether
+      or net it wor true, at English fowk had all th' sense ith' world. Its
+      worth while givin an' accaant o' their dinner, for this book will noa daat
+      fall into th' hands o' monny a workin' chap at's apt to grummel even if he
+      has to put up wi a beefsteak at hasnt come off th' steak booan, an' it may
+      do him noa harm to know ha other fowk live.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One bottle o' claret, for which they paid a franc&mdash;a looaf, abaat a
+      yard long, an' abaat as thick as mi arm, for which they paid half a franc&mdash;a
+      jug o' cold watter an' three tumbler glasses. Aw wonder what three stooan
+      masons at hooam wod ha made aght o' that for ther dinner&mdash;fifteen
+      pence wor all it cost for three on em. They each hawf filled ther glass wi
+      wine, then filled it up wi watter, an' then divided th' looaf into three,
+      an' each takkin a fooit on it, they pooled pieces off an dipped it into
+      ther wine an' watter an ate it wi a relish. "Sewerly," aw sed, "tha doesnt
+      mean to say at that's all they'll ha to ther dinner."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But it is, and what may surprise you to know is that breakfast and supper
+      only differ by the addition of fruit or some simple vegetable, and yet
+      they can work for twelve hours a day, and they dont look bad."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They're three o' th' finest chaps aw've seen sin aw coom into Payris," aw
+      sed, "but aw should think they'll hardly be able to do as mich wark as
+      Englishmen?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, its generally thought so, but my experience is that they do&mdash;They
+      never break any time&mdash;I have been here nearly two years and have over
+      two hundred men under me&mdash;and there has never one lost a day through
+      drink since I came."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, its cappin isn't it Billy? one could hardly ha believed it if they
+      had'nt seen it. What wod English masons think if they'd to be stopt off
+      ther beef an ale?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, its flaysome to think on, it maks me low spirited,&mdash;let's sup
+      off an' be gooin&mdash;its as ill as th' deead haase is this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0013" id="linkimage-0013"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0084m.jpg" alt="0084m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0084.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0014" id="linkimage-0014"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9084.jpg" alt="9084 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9084.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      ETER,&mdash;that wor th' name'at this stooan mason had been kursened,&mdash;agreed
+      to spend th' rest o' th' afternooin an' neet wi us, an' show us what he
+      could. Aw had'nt forgetten seein th' monument at th' time awd had a dust
+      wi th' Frenchman, an' soa aw propooased we should goa thear furst, an' we
+      did&mdash;at th' furst seet it reminded me o' th' monument o' London, but
+      it proved to be summat far hansomer, for it wor th' Vendome column. Awd
+      read abaat it befoor an' knew all abaat th' silly lumpheeads'at spent days
+      o' labor to pool it daan, as if bi destroyin that they could blot aght th'
+      memory o' th' man it wor raised to honor; whearas if it wor possible to
+      sweep ivvery stick an stooan'at forms ther splendid city, off th' face o'
+      th' eearth, an' leeav nowt but a barran tract o' land in its place, noa
+      pilgrim wanderin ovver it but what wod find his thowts circlin raand th'
+      memory ov Napoleon. All honour to them, who while strivin to wrest an
+      empire from his successor's grasp, raised once agean this monument to his
+      fame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It ud be wearisome if awd to attempt to describe all th' grand buildings,
+      statys, faantens an' churches'at we passed&mdash;Peter wor ivvedently at
+      hooam, an' could show us moor i' hauf a day nor we should ha seen in a
+      wick&mdash;Just a passing word abaat one an' then awl leeav writin abaat
+      what yo can read abaat i' scoors o' books beside this, an' give an idea or
+      two abaat things'at other writers awther havnt seen or darnt tell. La
+      Madaleine,&mdash;that's th' name ov a church&mdash;but it does'nt luk a
+      bit like a church, its far moor like St. George's Hall at Liverpool, but
+      ther's summat far grander abaat it. It wor oppen free, an' we went in.
+      Inside it lukt as Billy sed, 'far moor like a gurt cungerin show nor a
+      church,' but ther wor noa mistak abaat its beauty. Ther wor a gooid lot o'
+      fowk in, mooastly strangers like ussen, but here an' thear wor one'at
+      seemed to have moor serious business on hand. Unless ther's moor virtue in
+      a candle nor aw think ther is, ther's a fearful waste o' wax gooas on i'
+      that spot, for ther wor scoors burnin, net to give leet, that awm certain.&mdash;Peter
+      sed it wor a custom wi em to burn a lot o' candles after th' deeath o'
+      onybody, soa as to leet ther soul into th' next world,&mdash;aw dooant
+      think it does ony harm, an' if it satisfies em, its as weel to say nowt
+      abaat it, but when my time comes aw hooap ther'll be a breeter way to show
+      me th' rooad nor what them candles seemed to give. Although they let yo in
+      for nowt, yo'd hard wark to get aght withaat payin summat, but we did
+      manage it, an' felt better suited wi ussen,&mdash;net'at we wor too meean
+      to pairt wi a copper or two for th' seet wor worth it, but becoss we
+      did'nt agree wi th' principle on it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Another wonder worth mentionin, is th' New Grand Opera House, but altho'
+      it did cost a million paands sterlin it ud be as mich as mi heead wor
+      worth, if awd to say at it wor owt fit to be compared wi th' New Grand
+      Opera house they've built i' Leeds, becoss ther nivver wor sich a place as
+      that, accordin to all accaants, an' if th' architect should ivver 'shuffle
+      off this mortal coil,' aw hooap they'll put him in a bottle, an' set him
+      up ith' Philosophical Museum as a new curiosity, for ther's nivver been
+      owt fresh put in sin aw wor a lad, an' that's a year or two sin&mdash;th'
+      last time aw wor thear aw thowt th' mumny lukt fair looansome. It's a pity
+      at th' Grand Opera Haase i' Payris doesnt pay, but what it falls short,
+      th' government maks up, an' its to be hooaped'at if th' Leeds "Grand"
+      does'nt pay'at th' Corporation'll suppooart it aght o' th' rates&mdash;for
+      awm gien to understand at it wor nivver built wi th' idea o' makkin a
+      profit aght on it, but nobbut to elevate th' public taste, tho' they tak
+      gooid care'at yo get noa taste 0' th' elevation unless yo pay to go in.
+      When aw read th' Leeds Mercury, (aw allusread all th' theatrical news i'
+      their paper,) an' saw all they had to say abaat it, it reminded me ov a
+      chap aw knew'at lived at Halifax, an' when ivver ony friend called to see
+      him, he used to delight i' marchin em abaat th' taan to show em th'
+      wonders, (an' ther is some wonders i' Halifax, ther's noa denyin that;&mdash;an'
+      to me th' biggest wonder ov all is at th' taan's thear at all,) but he
+      allusfinished off wi takkin em daan bi th' old church to have a luk at
+      Beacon Hill&mdash;"Nah then," he'd say, "what does ta think abaat that for
+      a hill? Th' sun has his wark to get ovver that i' daycent time in a mornin
+      tha can bet!" An' if th' chap he's showin it too should happen to say'at
+      'he'd seen hills ten times as big,' he'd shak his heead an' say&mdash;"Awve
+      heeard fowk tawk like that befoor; but it's th' biggest hill awve ivver
+      seen, an' it'll be time enuff for me to believe ther's a bigger when aw
+      find one; but inasmich as he's nivver been monny yards away throo hooam he
+      believes'at Beacon hill is th' biggest hill yet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Peter propooased nah at we should have a carriage as it ud help us to see
+      a varry deeal moor nor we should be able to do, if we depended o' shanks
+      gallowy, soa we agreed, an' wor sooin seeated be-hund a pair o' spankin
+      greys&mdash;"Cannot yo drive us to some brewery?" sed Billy, "aw mak nowt
+      o' com-min here unless aw can leearn summat."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There are breweries here, plenty of them, but not the class you want to
+      see, they call them Brasseries, but they are in reality places for
+      drinking beer, and not for making it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, neer heed, lets goa, for aw should feel shamed o' misen if awd to
+      goa back hooam withaat leearnin summat abaat th' trade, an' when awm
+      called on at th' next annywel vitlers dinner, to mak a speech, it'll nooan
+      mak a bad start to say 'th' last time'at aw wor i' Payris &amp;c.,' an'
+      it'll mak some on em oppen ther een'at fancies coss a chap lives at th'
+      moor end'at he's foorced to be a fooil. Aw wor allusov an enquirin turn o'
+      mind Mr. Peter, an' ther's Sammy thear, he luks as big a cauf heead as
+      yo'll meet wi in a day's march, but them at taks him for a fooil mak a
+      mistak, aw should nooan ha browt him wi me on a journey like this if aw
+      had'nt thowt summat abaat him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw did'nt know'at tha had browt me," aw sed, "it wor me'at axd thee to
+      coom if aw ammot mich mistakken.",
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm nooan baan to fratch abaat it mun, if tha says a thing tha'll stick
+      to it aw know that, an' if ther's ony credit tha'll awther have it or
+      swelt&mdash;but aw wonder whear tha'd ha been if it had'nt been for me&mdash;tha'd
+      ha been lockt up for riteous conduct ith' street Mr. Peter knows that; by
+      th' heart! but this is a queer lukkin neighborhooid yo're takken us into&mdash;Aw
+      dooant like th' luk o' some o' theas fowk&mdash;aw nivver saw sich a
+      cutthroit lukkin lot i' mi life! Awm nooan soa varry particular abaat
+      gooin to see th' breweries; if yo think ther's ony danger, let's goa back;&mdash;net
+      at it matters for me for awm a single chap, but Sammy's left a wife at
+      hooam an' its her awm thinkin on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee think o' thisen an' thi mother, an' leeav Mally to me&mdash;but if
+      tha'rt beginnin to duff tha'd better get aght an leeav it to Peter an'
+      Sammywell! if it worn't for thi age and respect aw have for thi family awd
+      pitch thi cleean aght o' th' cab! Duffin! nah Mr. Peter awl put it to yo
+      do yo think its likely,'at a chap what's kept a beer-haase at th' moorend
+      all th' years'at awve done, whear thers been as monny as three or four
+      rows in a wick, some wicks;&mdash;tho' aw alluskept a orderly haase,
+      perleece'll tell yo soa if yo ax em,&mdash;an aw've seen chaps brayin one
+      another to bits ommost, an awve nivver stirred aght o' mi cheer,&mdash;nah,
+      do yo think aw should be likely to duff?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Your courage will not be called into requisition, so you need not be at
+      all alarmed. This leads us to the Quartier Latin, let us get down here and
+      try this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor commin dusk an th' lamps wor bein leeted ith' streets, but inside
+      all wor a blaze wi leet. It wor a big, rayther low raam, gay wi gold an
+      colours an lukken glasses, an supported with a lot o' thin pillars covered
+      up hawfway wi crimson velvet&mdash;seeats covered wi th' same stuff went
+      all raand th' sides an' th' floor wor covered wi little marble tables, an
+      stooils wi velvet tops, an altogether, th' place lukt varry grand an
+      hardly seemed suitable for th' company at wor thear, for altho' they
+      didn't luk like workin men, ther wor an untidy, unweshed, unkempt look
+      abaat em'at aw hadn't noaticed in ony other lot. Peter gave th' order an
+      in a minit a young woman, donned up like a playacter coom wi three bottles
+      o' beer, an six glasses. Shoo put em all daan an Peter paid, an in a
+      twinklin th' six glasses were filled, two moor lasses at didn't wear
+      sleeves i' ther gaaons, but hung em on wi two narrow shoulder straps, an
+      wi skirts made that length wol yo didn't need to wonder whether they wore
+      garters or not,&mdash;coom an smiled an each takkin a glass, popt it off
+      at one swig, (an they held a gill,) an filled em up agean, (for all
+      bottles thear hold three gills) an withaat waitin to tak ther breeath,
+      sent th' second to see after th' first, wiped ther lips an lukt as dry as
+      if they hadn't tasted for a month. Th' empty bottles an glasses wor takken
+      away, an wi a smile an a wave o' ther hand they went to attend to somdy
+      else, leeavin us to sit as long ovver awr glass as we'd amind. Peter said
+      we were too sooin to see th' place at its. best,&mdash;which meeans at its
+      warst,&mdash;but he tell'd us at th' customers wor mooastly artists an
+      students, an theas wimmen wor dressed up i' sich fantastic style to draw
+      fowk thear, an it wor ther principal duty to get off as mich drink as they
+      could, an at from 12 at nooin to 1 next mornin they oft took more nor 100
+      glasses o' beer, to say nowt abaat th' glasses o' liquors an wines they
+      had in between. It wor hard to believe it, but after watching em for abaat
+      an haar, aw could ha believed it if he'd sed 200, for we wornt moor nor an
+      haar ith place, an aw saw one lass, net moor nor 20 year old, drink 15
+      glasses o' beer, one o' coffee and brandy, an one wine, an when we left
+      shoo seemed as reight as if shoo hadn't had aboon twopenoth. After each
+      glass shoo ate a couple o' shrimps aw suppooas to mak her thirsty for th'
+      next. Peter sed they seldom lasted moor nor four years, for if it didn't
+      kill em it awther made em bloated an ugly or browt on some disease, but
+      wol they lasted they could mak throo 200 to 400 pounds a year, an during
+      that time they wor generally living wi some student or artist as his
+      mistress, an givin him all shoo could get, i' return for which, as sooin
+      as shoo could hold her situation noa longer, he turned her into th'
+      street, to add one moor to that swarm, estimated at 30,000 women, at live
+      i' that fair, gay and fashionable city called Payris, by prostitution ov
+      th' worse sooart, an this 30,000 doesn't include some thaasands moor, who
+      carry on th' same trade, under th' sanction an protection ov ther
+      government. Yo'll feel inclined to say, "Well, Sammy, we've heeard enuff
+      o' that,&mdash;tell us summat else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wish aw could tell yo summat else, an paint yo a true pictur, withaat
+      havin to drag in that spectre,'at i ivvery guise o' revoltin ugliness, an
+      heavenly beauty, haunts church, street, cafe, garden, river, and even
+      holds its revel alike in th' perfumed chaymer, surrounded wi youth an
+      innocence, an' in th' pestiferous stinkin den whear vice is life, and
+      virtue all unknown. Noa wonder'at ther's a free exhibition at th' Morgue
+      ivvery day, an "One more unfortunate" sleepin her long last sleep on that
+      drippin stooan, all unconscious ov th' curious crowd at see in her limp
+      limbs, an distorted face nowt moor nor a spectacle provided bi a thowtful
+      government for their entertainment, but fail to leearn th' lesson'at it
+      owt to taich."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      France has her warriors,&mdash;her statesmen, an' her poets! Has'nt shoo
+      one man, with a voice at can ring throo her fair cities&mdash;her
+      vineyards, an' her lovely hamlets; at will raise it to rid her o' th'
+      biggest curse under which a nation can grooan. Shoo's safer wi a thaasand
+      invadin armies hemmin her raand, nor wi that enemy gnawin away at th'
+      vitals ov her heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we left th' brewery we had a drive up an' daan th' principal
+      boulevards, an' it wor a treeat an' noa mistak. Th' mooin wor as breet
+      varry near as a sun, an' th' gas lamps lukt to burn wi a yallo blaze at
+      shed noa leet. Th' trees sparkled as they shook ther leaves an' th'
+      buildins stood aght agean th' breet blue sky as if they'd been cut aght o'
+      cleean card-booard. Men sauntered along puffin ther cigerettes, or set
+      ith' front o' one o' th' cafes, en-joyin th' luxary o' havin nowt to do,
+      an' knowin ha to do it. It wodn't interest yo to tell yo whear we went;
+      for yo'at nivver wor thear ud be noa wiser an' yo at have been can tell
+      for yorsen. It wor a long drive, an' we stopt at last at th' Arc de
+      Triomphe de L'Etoile an' aw should think ther isnt sich another seet ith'
+      world. Payris appears to lay at yor feet, an' strings o' gas leets mark
+      aght ivvery principal street. Billy could'nt find words to express hissen,
+      all he could get off wor, "E'e, gow! Sammy! E'e gow! By gum mun! A'a mun!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor one o' them things whear yo could'nt help onybody: Aw did think'at
+      Billy wor a bigger fooil nor me, but awm foorced to own'at he could
+      describe it just as weel as me, for aw kept tryin to remember what awd
+      leearnd aght o' th' bookshunary soas aw could say summat, but it wor noa
+      use, aw could nobbut stare an' ax misen, in a whisper, whether aw wor i'
+      this world or th' next.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Payris wor asleep. That rattle an' clang'at had caused a hum to flooat
+      ovver th' city wor silent.&mdash;Aw lost misen i' thowt:&mdash;aw didnt
+      see a city;&mdash;aw saw a wood, an' mi fancy tuk me throo it; all th'
+      singin birds had dropt ther songs an' wor nestlin' i' ther cosy hooams,
+      but ther still wor some lukkin aght for what they could catch&mdash;owls,&mdash;human
+      owls,&mdash;wor nobbut makkin a start. Aw've oft seen th' owl stuck up as
+      a symbol o' wisdom, but aw could nivver understand it: an' aw should be
+      thankful if one o' them cliver chaps'at know soa mich wod kindly point
+      aght to me whear th' sense is, i' sittin an' blinkin all th' day, when th'
+      sun is makkin ivverything lovely, an' turnin aght at neet when all is dark
+      an' solemn, to drop onto some timid little maase at wod ha been aght i'
+      th' daytime if it dar. Noa,&mdash;aw nawther see wisdom nor principle ith'
+      owl. Gie me a lark'at shaks his wings as sooin as th' sun sends aght his
+      furst pale ray as an agent i' advance to tell th' world he's gooin to show
+      agean, an' starts towards heaven whear he hings, a dot agean a dull blue
+      dome, an' pours his melody on an awakenin eearth, cheerin the sad an'
+      addin' joy to them whose cup wor full exceptin for those drops ov harmony.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther's summat at feels heavy o' yor heart when a gurt, bustlin city is
+      asleep,&mdash;when th' solitary cab rattles wi a peevish din along a
+      silent street&mdash;an' th' quiet steady traid o' th' watchman saands like
+      th' pulse-beeat ov a district lapt i' sleep. We made it up'at we wod have
+      a nod neet aght an' see th' dark side as weel as th' breet. If awd been a
+      praiche'r aw could ha fun plenty o' subjects for a sarmon as we wandered
+      raand. Ommost all th' places wor shut up and nubdy seemed to be abaat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As we slowly trampt along, nah an' then a&mdash;(what-do-yo-call-em, we
+      call em Bobbies i' England,) passed us, or we passed him, but Peter sed a
+      word or two an' we wornt interfered wi. We coom anent one grand place
+      whear th' winders wor blazin wi leet an' we went in. It wor another o'
+      them grand shops sich as we'd seen soa monny on, but all along one side
+      wor little raams screened off, an' they called em <i>Cabinet particulier</i>
+      an' we went into one;&mdash;ther's noa mistak abaat th' luxury an' beauty
+      o' theas little places, but it doesnt tak th' e'e ov a hawk to see even
+      moor in one nor they'd wish aghtsiders to believe. We had'nt been long an'
+      th' waiter wor nobbut bringin us th' furst cup o' coffee when in coom two
+      wimmen, (aw call em wimmen becoss they wor ith' shape on em,) but Peter
+      gave em to understand'at we did'nt want to add to th' number o' th'
+      compny.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had a rest an' a smook an' then we started aght agean, we had'nt walked
+      monny yards befoor we coom to another spot'oth' same sooart, an' we sat
+      daan o' th' opposite side o' th' rooad to luk at what wor gooin on. Th'
+      winders wor oppen an' th' leets wor up at full, an' th' saand o' what aw
+      suppooas they meant for mewsic, coom aght o' th' oppen shutters&mdash;ther
+      wor a rustlin ov a silk dress an' a grand lukkin lass fit for a duchess
+      coom up to th' door, but th' chap at wor standin thear shoved her away as
+      if shoo'd been a beggar&mdash;shoo stood for a minit or two lukkin up at
+      whear th' saand coom throo an' then shoo walked away wipin her een wi her
+      pocket hankerchy an' vanished. Aw felt as if aw could ha liked to goa an'
+      try to comfort her a bit, an aw ommost felt sooary at Mally wornt thear,
+      for aw know shoo can set onybody reight if onybody can, but Peter sed it
+      wod be noa use for shoo wor varry likely lukkin for him who had promised
+      to meet her an' had disappointed her&mdash;Just then a lad coom past
+      sellin papers an' Peter bowt one; (Billy wod ha bowt one, but after lukkin
+      at it he declared at th' fowk'at had printed it did'nt know ha to spell)
+      an' after a bit he sed, (aw meean Peter,) "This is a sad case but only one
+      of many such."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What is it? aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Only an account of the finding of a body in the river to-day. A young and
+      beautiful girl who ran away from home leaving parents, sisters, brothers
+      and a lover and came to Paris, was admired, feted, courted and betrayed,
+      and in the midst of her gaiety and dissipation was confronted by the
+      honest-hearted suiter for her hand who had followed her, and remorse
+      having mastered her infatuation, and despair overwhelmed her hopes she put
+      an end to herself. Her body has been claimed by her friends;&mdash;it was
+      at the Morgue to-day. It is almost an everyday story, but it is only an
+      individual case of reaping the whirlwind when the seed has been so
+      plentifully sown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nature! impartial goddess!&mdash;never forgets her duties," sed Peter,
+      braikin off throo what he'd been sayin, an' aw could'nt help thinkin ha
+      mich beauty a chap loises, and what joys he misses wi liggin i' bed ov a
+      neet&mdash;Reight enuff a chap cannot be up booath day an' neet, but its
+      worth while for ony body to sacrifice a bit o' sleep nah an' then for th'
+      sake o' seein what th' world luks like when its wakkenin. Th' sun wornt
+      fairly up but yet it wor growin leet, an' we made another move; Billy an'
+      me booath lukkin a bit solid owin to th' accaant he'd gien us aght o' th'
+      paper, an' Billy says, "Lets goa back hooam; awm sick o' seein an' hearin
+      soa mich abaat what owt'nt to be."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Remember, Billy," aw says, "we munnot judge too hastily, becoss it's just
+      likely'at luck may ha led us to see th! warst pairt an' th' better pairt
+      is to come&mdash;Nivver let us condemn ony country or ony city&mdash;for
+      what we may see in an' haar or two, for th' best fruit tree ith' world may
+      have a rotten en on sometimes. But what's that row o' fowk abaat? They luk
+      a queer lot! What does ta mak on em, Peter?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They are waiting for the superintendant who will be here shortly, but
+      with their advent subsides another class that belong particularly to
+      Paris; the rag pickers; we have not met them to-night for the streets we
+      have been in are not those likely to yield them a harvest, but whilst we
+      wait here I may as well tell you a few facts which I have gleaned since my
+      arrival in the country. There is one wending his way homewards with a
+      basket weighty with his gatherings of the night&mdash;let us speak to him,
+      a few sous will amply repay him for his trouble and any time he may
+      loose." Soa he stopt him an' he emptied his hamper, an' sich a lot o'
+      stuff aw nivver saw befoor&mdash;aw dooant believe'at thers a beggar i'
+      Yorksher'at ud bend his back to pick sich rubbish up.&mdash;Bits o' rooap,
+      paper, cabbage leeavs, cigarettes, cigar stumps, booans, rags, crusts o'
+      breead, an' some things'at aw should fancy ther wornt onybody but him'at
+      had gethered em could give em a name. Billy's heart wor inclined to oppen&mdash;nay,
+      it did oppen, an' he gave him a franc, an' when he gate it, th' tears
+      rushed into his een an' altho' he wor a Frenchman his tongue wor useless
+      for his heart wor soa heigh up in his throit'at he could'nt spaik, an'
+      Billy lifted his fist an' sed, (but in a voice at wor varry shaky to say
+      it belanged to Billy,) "Tak thi hook! if tha doesnt awl punce thi!" an'
+      for th' next three minits he did nowt but blow his nooas an' complain
+      abaat havin getten some dust in his e'e&mdash;A'a! he's nooan all guts
+      isnt Billy! Aw believe after all'at he could'nt hold that heart o' his
+      unless it wor in a big carcass.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went then to see all this lot o' fowk at wor waitin for th'
+      superintendant. They wor th' street sweepers, an' they wor just same as
+      solgers, an' as th' word o' command wor gien they went off i' pairties o'
+      four, an' started o' sweepin th' streets an' makkin all cleean an' tidy
+      for them at had nobbut just gooan to bed, soas they could get up ith'
+      mornin an' find th' city as trim an' tidy as they'd ivver seen it, an'
+      nowt left for th' day-leet to show ov what had been done under th'
+      gas-leet. Did yo ivver see a woman on a stage, donned up i' muslin, silver
+      lace an' spangles, wi a painted face, her e'en made breet wi brandy,&mdash;her
+      e'e-broos black wi charcoil or indyink,&mdash;her hands covered wi white
+      kid gloves, an' her feet pinched into tiny slippers,&mdash;wol her legs
+      wor padded to luk like what its just possible they may ha been once, an'
+      covered wi silk stockins, an' nawther moor nor less nor an' angel withaat
+      wings?&mdash;an' did yo ivver see th' same woman next mornin, when shoo's
+      getten up aght o' bed an' left all her false ringlets o' th' dresser (if
+      shoo has one,) when her paint is rubb'd off her cheeks, her red hands,
+      hoofed an' scarred uncovered,&mdash;her ee'n heavy an' bleared,&mdash;her
+      feet shoved into th' wrecks of a pair o' men's booits,&mdash;an' wi a
+      thyble in her hand, an' a bit o' mail in a paper bag, as shoo gooas to
+      wark to male a bit o' porrige for two or three squallin childer'at nivver
+      knew ther father? If soa yo must ha been struck wi th' difference.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Well, thers just that much difference between what Payris is on th'
+      surface an' what it is when yo goa below.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went along an' Peter sed he'd like to show us ha fowk i' Payris lived
+      an' give us an inseet into things at if they did us noa other gooid mud
+      happen taich us economy, an' prove at it wornt allusthem fowk'at had th'
+      mooast brass an' made th' mooast ov a spreead' at lived best.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There's nothing thrown away in Paris," sed Peter, "excepting human life.
+      The rag-picker with his basket and his crook is one of the most important
+      personages in the city. The stumps of cigars and cigarettes are what form
+      the snuff of the most fastidious men who indulge in the habit&mdash;the
+      scraps of old paper are all utilised and every bit of rag is converted to
+      good use&mdash;the garbage, consisting of outside leaves of cabbages,
+      turnip tops and even rotten fruit serve as ingredients for soups sold in
+      the inferior restaurants; but the bread perhaps is most remarkable,&mdash;private
+      families and boarding houses throw out crusts which are merely stale;
+      cafes have plenty of broken crusts and soiled bits, but although it is
+      cast into the street it is all carefully collected and preserved and the
+      very refuse which is cast into the street from the sumptuously furnished
+      tables of aristocratic salons on the Rue de Rivoli will not unlikely
+      reappear in another form on the same tables and be appreciated. Crusts of
+      stale bread are collected by inferior bakers and are soaked and rebaked
+      and served again as new bread in cheap restaurants, the small broken
+      pieces are carefully collected and cut up into small dice and after
+      undergoing some secret process are converted into those appetizing toasted
+      chips which give such a relish to soup&mdash;but there is another class,
+      much more objectionable, at least to our ideas,&mdash;the soiled and dirty
+      scraps such as were to be found amongst the rubbish of the rag-picker's
+      basket, are seldom or ever given to poultry or pigs as you would imagine,
+      but undergo a process of cleaning and are then dried, pounded into crumbs
+      and burnt upon greased tins until they become a rich brown, and of this
+      bread dust, every restaurant, from the one where the members of the senate
+      meet, to the one whose customers regard a dish of meat as an exceptional
+      treat, keep a stock; your cutlet is made to look beautiful with it&mdash;ham,
+      fowls, or baked meats all owe more or less of their attractiveness to the
+      same source. This is no secret here, and just so long as the dish set
+      before them is pleasing to the eye, and pleasant to the taste, they ask no
+      questions nor trouble themselves to wonder of what it is composed. There
+      is scarcely any part of any animal&mdash;ox, horse, dog, cat, sheep, goat,
+      sparrow or frog that is not utilized and made to furnish savoury morsels
+      for one class or other&mdash;the better portions of a beast naturally find
+      their way to that portion of the city where money is most plentiful, but I
+      do not think it is too much to say that had the English people the same
+      knowledge that the French possess in culinary matters, that the quantity
+      of meat and vegetable that is daily wasted at home would furnish food,
+      both toothsome and wholesome, enough for every starving creature within
+      its shores.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, it may seem all reight to thee tha knows, to mak thi belly into a
+      muck-middin, but for mi own pairt awd rayther have a rasher o' gooid hooam
+      fed bacon an' a couple o' boiled eggs to mi braik-fast nor th' grandest
+      lukkin dish o' chopt up offal tha could set befoor me, an' aw fancy
+      Sammy's o' th' same opinion."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw must say, Billy,'at aw had rayther sit daan to a bit o' summat
+      gradely, an' as a rule aw like to know what it is awm aitin, yet it's
+      happen nobbut th' result o' ignorance, an' we turn up us nooas at things
+      simply becoss we've been towt noa better; but aw could do wi a bit ov a
+      snack if aw had it,&mdash;what says ta Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A bit ov a snack ud be noa use to me&mdash;aw could just do a quairt o'
+      porrige an' milk to start wi, but awst be ommost tarrified aght o' mi wit
+      o' touchin' owt nah. If we'd had ony sense we should ha browt summat wi
+      us, an' aw should ha done but aw thowt aw wor commin wi a cliver chap'at
+      knew summat, but aw find awve been mistaen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah an' ther's somdy else been mistaen as weel as thee, for if awd known
+      what a chuffin heead tha'd ha turned aght aw wod'nt ha been paid to come."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why dooant freeat Sammy, for it isnt variy likely 'at tha'll ivver be
+      troubled wi onybody offerin to pay thee for owt unless it wor for keepin
+      thi maath shut, an' if they'd start a subscription for that awd gie th'
+      price ov a pint towards it misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' shops wor all oppenin nah, an' Peter tuk us into a place an' ordered
+      braikfast, but altho' we wor ommost clammd, we booath felt a bit
+      suspicious abaat what we should have set befoor us to ait; but when it
+      coom in an' we saw a dish full o' ham steaks wi' fried eggs laid all raand
+      em an' a looaf a breead abaat a yard long, an' cups o' coffee'at sent a
+      smell like a garden o' pooaseys all throo th' place, all fear o' bein
+      awther impooased on or pooisened left us, an' ther wornt a word spokken bi
+      ony on us until Billy threw daan his knife an' fork an' sed, "Thear!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We finished ommost as sooin as him an' Peter settled th' bill, an' as we
+      walked aght we felt like men new made ovver agean, but we wor varry glad
+      to get into a cab an' leet a cigar an' enjoy th' beautiful drive to us own
+      lodgins. We went a long raand abaat way but it wor ommost all throo
+      gardens or under trees, here an' thear we went throo a
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Square an' stopt a minit to luk at a faantain, a moniment, or a wonderful
+      buildin, or went a short distance along th' river's bank or made a cut
+      throo a street, an' we'd noa time to do owt but admire all we saw, whether
+      it wor natural or artificial an' th' impressions o' th' neet befoor seemed
+      like ugly fancies at th' mornins flood o' beauty an' gaiety wor quickly
+      sweepin away&mdash;Aw could'nt help but repeat,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      "One little favour, O, 'Imperial France!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To say we'd been up all th' neet we did'nt feel varry weary nor sleepy an'
+      after a gooid wesh an' a brush up we felt noa desire to goa to bed soa we
+      sat daan at one o' th' little tables aghtside an called for a bottle o'
+      Bordeaux, (we'd getten reight to like it) an' we tipt us cheers back,
+      yankee fashion, an' amused ussen wi watchin fowk goa past. We sooin
+      discovered at a cheap trip had just come in, an' as they went past wi ther
+      boxes an' carpet bags Billy lained ovver to me an' he says, "What gawky
+      chaps English fowk luk when they land here at furst; why, aw feel soa
+      different sin aw coom to live i' Payris wol awm feeard they'll tak me for
+      a born Frenchman when aw get back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha's noa need," aw says, "they may tak thi to be a born summat at begins
+      wi a F, but it will'nt be Frenchman!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Peter had to leeav us nah, we wor varry sooary to pairt wi him, but he sed
+      his business wod'nt allaa him to stop ony longer, soa we shook hands wi
+      him an' thanked him for all his kindness, an' as he turned away he sed,
+      "And be sure you remember me kindly to Mally."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This rayther knockt th' wind aght on me, an' Billy says, "Nah lad thart in
+      for't, an' sarve thi reight! yond chap'll write off to yor Mally, an' tell
+      her o' thi gooins on an' then tha'll get thi heead cooamd wi summat tha
+      weeant like when tha gets hooam! Aw wod'nt be i' thy shoes for a trifle!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, if thers been owt wrang tha's been as deep ith' muck as aw've been
+      ith' mire, soa tha can shut up!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta ivver answered that letter shoo sent thi?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw've nivver had a chonce but aw will do reight away an' then
+      that'll happen ease her mind a bit, an' aw wod'nt cause a minit o' bother,
+      if aw could help it for all aw can see."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a pity tha doesnt try to mak her believe it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw do try, an' aw allusdid!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, aw meean its a pity tha art'nt moor successful."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee mind thi own business, an' leeav me to mind mine!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw felt it wor a waste o' time to tawk ony moor to him, soa aw left him to
+      sit bi hissen wol aw went to write a letter to Mally. Aw did'nt goa wi a
+      varry leet heart, net at aw cared owt abaat th' trubble, but aw wor fast
+      what to say. To write th' plain trewth aw knew wod'nt do, an' to write
+      what worn't true wor a thing aw wod'nt do, an' aw sat some time studdyin
+      befoor aw made a start.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0015" id="linkimage-0015"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0106m.jpg" alt="0106m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0106.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0016" id="linkimage-0016"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0107m.jpg" alt="0107m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0107.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0017" id="linkimage-0017"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9107.jpg" alt="9107 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9107.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
+      withaat rhyme or reason&mdash;If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll
+      nivver care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      It fun me weel as when aw started,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' hand him safe back to his mother.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      His stummack's mendin varry fast;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' ale!&mdash;its true lass what aw say,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      He nivver has a bilious baat,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      To find thi weel will mak me fain;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Till then, believe me to remain,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Thy faithful husband Sammywell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study it
+      ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor wi letter
+      writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a stamp an'
+      sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw fan him hard
+      asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat o' th' side o'
+      th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight but th' seet o' mi
+      umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor an' who wor anent
+      him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor ommost droppin off!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
+      mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want to
+      disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long. If awm
+      spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as aw havnt had
+      lately&mdash;start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then tha'll be
+      happy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
+      abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
+      we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
+      nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
+      ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
+      booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
+      cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich like
+      stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at hooam
+      we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha thowt we
+      wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band o' music
+      strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a circus,&mdash;an'
+      they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English soa we thowt it
+      ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should be able to see th'
+      difference between an' English show an' a French en. We wor just gooin in
+      when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed summat, but aw shook mi
+      heead&mdash;"Anglish?" he sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "O, well, I can speek Anglish&mdash;the Anglish peeples have been var goot
+      to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
+      ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for hafe&mdash;only
+      two franc de one, four franc de two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What are we to do Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
+      in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
+      plees gentlemons."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
+      quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
+      sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
+      bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
+      leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets but
+      he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
+      could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
+      whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th' chap
+      flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me walked
+      in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for owt aw
+      could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th' best seeat
+      he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two together in a row
+      wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor teed raand th' middle
+      o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an' aw set waitin for th' rumpus.
+      In a bit a dapper little chap comes an' touches Billy o' th' shoolder an'
+      mooationed him to follow, but he mud as well ha tried to coax one o' th'
+      pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith'
+      ring at wor playin antics wi a long powl. After a while th' same chap
+      comes back wi other two, one on em dressed up like a malishyman ith'
+      awkard squad, an' he touched Billy, but net just as gently as tother had
+      done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa this chap shoves past me an' seizes
+      him bi th' collar, (which to say th' leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to
+      do until he'd calkilated th' weight o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he
+      wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a summerset into th' middle o' th' ring.
+      This wor a performance'at they'd nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all
+      jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th' powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as
+      capt as ony o' tothers. Billy stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for
+      th' next. Aw dooant know who th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw
+      could'nt help feelin a bit praad o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into
+      years aw grun mi teeth an' felt detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit
+      o' th' umberel ud hing together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt
+      forsaken us for one o' th' actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid
+      luk at his face aw knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi
+      Pinder's circus i' Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard
+      he'd braik his middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its
+      that'at they sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an'
+      aw tell'd him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then
+      he sed 'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all
+      was over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
+      know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then, but
+      ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor booath
+      pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;t wor as gooid as
+      his word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
+      us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old ens'at
+      had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed th'
+      programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for a
+      theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some refreshments
+      an' then Herr L&mdash;&mdash;l left us an' we set off agean i' search o'
+      adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see what it
+      wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if yo daat, as
+      some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor friends'at's
+      been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic" correspondent
+      says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same fashion'at Adam an'
+      Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It wor moor nor life size
+      an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th' artist had taen gooid
+      care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It wor surraanded wi dumb-bells,
+      indian clubs, an' different gymnastic implements, an' aw wor informed
+      after'at it wor an advertisement for a taicher o' gymnastics an wor
+      intended to show ha a woman's form could be developed wi folloin his
+      advice an' takkin lessons off him&mdash;"But," aw sed, "dooant yo think
+      its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a public street whear
+      men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
+      people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights of
+      Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
+      others."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this aw
+      will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be their
+      hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites an' to
+      breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap at tried
+      to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his brazen sin an
+      wickedness i' yor face!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip a
+      drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
+      mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
+      takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as if
+      pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As we'd
+      been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time so as to
+      be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark an' narrow
+      street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th' top&mdash;fowk
+      wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght to be a
+      sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went in, an' it
+      reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam. It wor
+      pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho' some o'
+      th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit. Th' band
+      played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save the Queen,"
+      as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd ivver known it to
+      have befoor&mdash;Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith' furst place ther
+      wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical nor a penny trumpet,
+      an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther faces an' stuck ther
+      hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like tryin to play th'
+      fooil an' had'nt lent ha&mdash;One woman,&mdash;a strapper shoo wor too&mdash;wi
+      a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet&mdash;coom on drest to
+      represent Liberty&mdash;republican liberty aw mean,&mdash;an' shoo shaated
+      an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+      altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+      an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+      sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo wol
+      shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked aght
+      as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another 'gooid
+      neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy ith'
+      mornin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0018" id="linkimage-0018"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0115m.jpg" alt="0115m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0115.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0019" id="linkimage-0019"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0116m.jpg" alt="0116m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0116.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0020" id="linkimage-0020"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9116.jpg" alt="9116 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9116.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony other
+      day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower nooat, an'
+      th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly, an' th' trees wave
+      ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they whisper to each other
+      an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may nobbut be a fancy, but
+      it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th' time o' bits o' upsets an'
+      bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th' rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o'
+      that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up pleasant memories an' fond
+      con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a while amang mi fancies an' mi
+      follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast Billy wor waitin', an' aw could
+      see'at Sundy made a difference even to him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer,
+      an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on his top-pin', an' he'd treated
+      hissen to a shave for th' furst time sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid
+      me gooid mornin', he called me Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it
+      hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if
+      it's a day like this mi mother'll be run off her feet;&mdash;shoo should
+      tak between four an' five paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese
+      an' breead an' cold beef; but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be
+      able to mak it up next wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know
+      whear aw am, an' they'll be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha
+      aw've getten on. What are we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha
+      thowt'at he'd th' same sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur
+      they say, soa aw made noa moor remark abaat it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they
+      tell me they are beautiful places."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs
+      feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up!
+      They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to
+      church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt
+      they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to
+      loise this grand mornin'."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor
+      usual&mdash;th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed
+      an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an'
+      nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th'
+      lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him
+      which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't know
+      for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said abaat Pere
+      la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride thear for we
+      should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do yo expect to
+      land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa yo'll know."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay
+      soas if we should be lat we can get in?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo have
+      th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo like, an'
+      awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay i' mi
+      pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin' along.
+      It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up! we'd
+      gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom or ivver
+      been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor surprised to see
+      what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth nooatice. Awd nivver
+      enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary when we gate to th'
+      entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when aw tell yo'at we wor
+      content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear yo may be sewer ther
+      wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an' th' monuments wor th'
+      leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks under th' trees an'
+      between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set like brilliant gems ith'
+      midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi thowts back to what awd seen at
+      th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't to compare one wi' t'other but to
+      contrast'em, for this wor as mich superior to that as that had been to owt
+      awd seen befoor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw
+      ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor
+      hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars
+      strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no
+      trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay
+      ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin
+      an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor
+      dressed in the "habiliments of woe"&mdash;fashion an' show,&mdash;nowt
+      else!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      "What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be
+      movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol we'd
+      been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to Champs
+      Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we wor set
+      daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have a chonce to
+      see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor fairly filled
+      wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs an' carriages wor
+      ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to be wondered at on sich
+      a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for a ride or walk; an' it made
+      up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor
+      oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th'
+      busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had
+      getten throo ther religious nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had
+      time to: goa back hooam an' leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght
+      o' ther pockets as they sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards
+      an' laffin' an' smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight
+      or wrang, but it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it
+      Holy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor
+      nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did see for
+      th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o' Christianity'at
+      characterizes it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait,
+      bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that is
+      awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan a bad
+      pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin' raand
+      rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor when he
+      tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When we'd squared
+      up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little table'at wor as far
+      removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin' ith' front, an' one'at wor
+      grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we ordered brandy an' watter an'
+      cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th' richness an' th' beauties ov an
+      evenin' sich as it mud be a long time befoor we should have th' chonce ov
+      enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree has it's advantages, but ther's
+      allusa drawback to all pleasures i' this life. Th' French fowk as a nation
+      are varry perlite, but they dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to
+      th' same pitch, an' aw suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i'
+      Payris or i' Pudsey; at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw
+      saw ther'd been an addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me
+      to teem it daan th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi
+      my mishap an' he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly
+      didn't want it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend
+      summat. Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an'
+      then it faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an'
+      th' day went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor
+      sooin aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom
+      smilin' up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into
+      fairyland. "We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov a
+      neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond haase o'
+      mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i' November."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o' this
+      peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak a
+      sealin' wax stamp on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa
+      cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a
+      raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just as
+      fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i'
+      Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak a
+      short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept
+      walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin'
+      hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt
+      aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest if
+      aw can tell whear we are."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's soa
+      sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find aght'at
+      we're two or three mile off hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony better
+      nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst comes to
+      th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor&mdash;get a cab."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan
+      be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed another
+      word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a poleeceman to
+      see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece are th' same all th'
+      world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're wanted. Aw felt sewer
+      we should meet with a cab or summat, but th' streets seemed as if
+      ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a long time befoor aw
+      forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan but aw couldn't see a
+      thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an that couldn't help me ony;
+      th' clock struck twelve&mdash;Billy gave a sigh but sed nowt&mdash;all at
+      once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th' causey an aw stopt. It wor
+      a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an'
+      shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her understand what we wanted but shoo
+      could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to
+      coax us to goa her way unless we'd been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed
+      away an' left us. It wor a fit o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold
+      o' Billy's arm an' march daan a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o'
+      gooid luck as it happened, for at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river.
+      Aw lukt to see which way th' watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi'
+      hooaps we set off agean. We didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we
+      met plenty o' poleece, but noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom
+      to owt we knew, but at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat
+      two miles to walk then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray&mdash;but
+      aw mun gie Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a
+      bit, although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we
+      expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver
+      been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as ther
+      wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we could
+      see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw put th'
+      kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome seet it
+      wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at that time o'
+      th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned th' leet up, an'
+      thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther wor fish an' a joint
+      o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice butter an' breead, an'
+      two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret; an' th' raam wor a deeal
+      nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius been used to havin' us meals
+      in. "This is a change for th' better," aw sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat
+      this be-foor."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's all ov a piece is thy wark,&mdash;tha allusfinds ivverything aght
+      when it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as
+      ivver we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin'
+      ussen in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do
+      justice to it to neet, soa let's start."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor he
+      touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an' aw can't
+      say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin disappeared, an'
+      th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav a drop o' ale nor
+      claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook befoor we went to
+      bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what time it wor, he saw it
+      wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to oppen th' door'at led
+      into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for aw knew ther wor a
+      clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop sharper nor aw went
+      in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be put i'th' hoil for
+      this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off
+      th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot&mdash;he didn't limp then,
+      awl awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him
+      in a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw
+      lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then
+      aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed
+      befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th' door
+      an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop this
+      time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th' door an'
+      turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an' befoor yo could
+      ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we wor booath wide
+      enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard two wimmin
+      skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan th' Street,
+      an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at, we'd a varry
+      gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at we should ha
+      gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we thowt'at it wor
+      awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't sleep we could
+      snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th' maister coom an' knockt
+      gently at furst one door an' then t'other an' heeard th' music'at we wor
+      makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did, an' couldn't find in his
+      heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor aghtside we could nobbut
+      guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor all wor quietened daan; then
+      we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock when Billy coom to my door to
+      wakken me. He shoved his heead in an' says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's up?".
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat
+      it!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom
+      as sooin as tha'rt ready."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit&mdash;aw
+      saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him
+      prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0021" id="linkimage-0021"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0128m.jpg" alt="0128m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0128.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER IX. LUNDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0022" id="linkimage-0022"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9128.jpg" alt="9128 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9128.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts o'
+      guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor sed,
+      nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry hard at
+      us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we knew moor
+      abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen be all fancy,
+      for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In a while we wor
+      left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th' best use o' th'
+      few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to goa hooam that
+      neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome change, for it
+      made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite lively an' he
+      says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o' th'
+      mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sewers! what sewers?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' drains;&mdash;yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith'
+      drains, an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled
+      on th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.&mdash;What
+      says ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen nor
+      be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent me up
+      to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a foreign
+      land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin into th'
+      bowels o' th' eearth."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just one o'
+      them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a scientific
+      turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity suits me; an' if
+      tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear aw can find thi at a
+      sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi whear tha likes."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all thy
+      science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant like
+      to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins, but aw
+      must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
+      poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
+      withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what maks
+      it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to say at
+      aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat science
+      as long as tha lives!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it wor
+      a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but if tha
+      thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but weft an'
+      warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest chaps aw
+      ivver met wor wayvers."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely,&mdash;becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em,
+      but if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
+      met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
+      abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom, it
+      can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but mine's
+      different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin abaat
+      science tha shows thi fooilishness;&mdash;net at aw meean to say tha'rt a
+      fooil,&mdash;nowt o' th' sooart,&mdash;but aw think tha owt to be thankful
+      to know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy,&mdash;if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can
+      tawk to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
+      thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
+      stop as thas a mind."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
+      ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
+      fittest place for thi&mdash;mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas, but
+      awm willin' to risk it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight i'
+      thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to goa,
+      for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we wor
+      driven off.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo a
+      main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is strange&mdash;th'
+      carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's noa engins, but
+      ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along varrv nicely&mdash;its
+      like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut ther's a river runnin
+      along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net a varry nice en&mdash;but
+      awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an' as black. It wor leeted
+      i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi lamps an' th' names o' th'
+      streets at yo wor passin under wor put up, an' nah an' then yo passed a
+      boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed
+      he thowt they made a mistak to charge fowk for gooin in, it ud be better
+      to charge em for comin aght, an' aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once,
+      for i' spite o' all ther ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw
+      should'nt care to have aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome
+      when we gate into em agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but
+      admit'at ther wor seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd
+      been booath gooid
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
+      but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf a
+      franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
+      else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
+      duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
+      thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
+      Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
+      all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it tuk us
+      all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th' landlord
+      went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay for his
+      back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod fit his
+      lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some neet and
+      get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor varry wise
+      to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on us glad to
+      turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a place wi soa
+      monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce to see; for
+      ther's noa denyin it&mdash;Natur an' art have done all they could to mak
+      it th' finest city ith' world&mdash;It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty o'
+      Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate luk o'
+      Dublin&mdash;nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o' th'
+      American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor perfect
+      nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris to Calais
+      an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an' we lost noa
+      time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th' difference
+      between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt tell for all
+      seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off, an' th' mooin
+      peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish us gooid luk&mdash;th'
+      waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's side, an' th' two
+      electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two big een, an' marked
+      a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th' neet cleared up, but it
+      wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th' deck all th' time. We
+      had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a smook an' luk abaat us.
+      Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet, an' nowt happened worth
+      mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white cliffs o' old England.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
+      awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run to
+      meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi native
+      land&mdash;Billy wor capt when aw struck up&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      heart,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Whate'er his condition may be;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      No matter what strange countries boast;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      hand,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And in politics fight tooth and nail;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      If at government's tactics we rail;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      For there's freedom where ever it flies.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      unite
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And his growl gives a warning to all.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      roar,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And he's king of the world even yet!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      thee dear
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to me
+      but still it felt like hooam&mdash;aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
+      lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at Lundun.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0023" id="linkimage-0023"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0136m.jpg" alt="0136m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0136.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER X. MARDI
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0024" id="linkimage-0024"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9136.jpg" alt="9136 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9136.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      T wor seven o'clock ith' mornin when we arrived at Victoria Station&mdash;an'
+      as we wanted to get ooam withaat loisin ony time we tuk a cab to King's
+      Cross. It wor a breet clear mornin' an' as we rattled along th' streets,
+      ivvery buildin lukt like an' old friend, an' th' same feelin' coom ovver
+      me at awve soa oft felt befoor&mdash;what had passed seemed mich moor like
+      a dreeam nor a reality. Aw noaticed at Billy put on some airs at awd
+      nivver seen him spooart befoor, an' if aw had'nt known him aw mud ha
+      mistakken him for Beaconsfield commin back after signin th' Berlin treaty,
+      but then he's a deal bigger man nor Beaconsfield is Billy, an' if his
+      influence isnt as big ith' city, he's weightier ith' corporation. But awm
+      sewer he lukt better bi monny a paand nor when we started. When we gat to
+      th' station we fan at we'd a bit o' time to spend befoor ther wor a train
+      soa we went an' gate a cup o' coffee an' summat to ait.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, Billy," aw sed, "aw should like to know if tha's enjoyed thi trip?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ov coprse aw've enjoyed it! Did ta think aw went to be miserable? It isnt
+      oft aw set off throo hooam, but when aw do aw mak up mi mind to enjoy
+      mysen. But aw dooant care ha sooin aw get back hooam nah, for awst ha to
+      start brewin to-morn."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha luks a deeal better onyway,&mdash;an' awm sewer thi mother'll
+      be fain to see thi soa mich improved."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee think abaat yor Mally an' leeav me an' mi mother to manage us own
+      affairs&mdash;If aw've getten a bit better awve paid for it aw reckon! Tha
+      tell'd me'at it wod'nt cost aboon ten paand an' it's cost aboon eleven,&mdash;Aw've
+      enjoyed misen furst rate an' aw do feel a trifle better, an' awve enjoyed
+      thy compny varry weel too, but if aw wor gooin agean awd goa be misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha cant get me mad this mornin soa its noa use to try, an' tha'd better
+      save thi wind to blow thi porridge when tha gets hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, that's reight enuff; tha knows what aw mean,&mdash;but aw say&mdash;wi'
+      ta promise me at tha'll keep thi maath shut abaat them frogs?&mdash;Nah
+      fair dealins amang mates, Sammy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl promise thi one thing," aw says, "awl tell now't at isnt true, an' if
+      what aw tell isnt pleasant it's becoss trewth isnt pleasant at all times."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Do as tha likes an' gooid luck to thi lad! Th' time's ommost up lets be
+      off."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We wor just i' time an' after a partin glass to start wi for fear ther
+      might'nt be a chonce to get one at th' finish, we jumpt into th' train an'
+      wor sooin lessenin th' distance between Lundun an' Bradford. Th' journey
+      wor pleasant enuff but it seemed rayther long as it does when yor anxious
+      to get to th' far end, but we landed at last, an' wod yo believe it? Ther
+      wor Mally an' Hepsaba waitin at th' station for me&mdash;It wor a little
+      attention at they'd nivver shown me befoor, an' aw felt touched,&mdash;for
+      awm varry soft hearted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whativver made thi come to meet me Mally?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw coom becoss aw wor feeard tha'd happen ha started a growin a mushtash
+      an' thart freet big enuff as it is, an' aw thowt awd tak thi to th'
+      barbers to get made daycent befoor tha coom hooam, for tha's been a laffin
+      stock for th' naybors long enuff; an aw wanted to set mi mind at ease
+      abaat that umberel, for thart nooan to be trusted, an awve hardly been
+      able to sleep for dreamin at tha'd lost it, but if tha had tha'd ha been
+      wise nivver to show thi face here agean!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but tha sees aw havnt, an if awd had aw suppooas its mi own?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's thine's mine aw reckon?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "An' what made thee come to meet me Hepsaba?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw coom to see what yo'd browt for us, soas aw could ha mi pick afoor
+      yo'd pairted wi' th' best."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why lass, awve browt misen an' that's all, aw should think that owt to
+      satisfy thi."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If that's all yo need'nt ha gooan for we had yo befoor."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mally an' her walked off arm i' arm, takkin th' umberel wi em an nivver
+      spaiking a word, but just givin a nod to Billy&mdash;"Awl tell thi what
+      we'll do," sed Billy&mdash;"we'll just goa into th' taan an' ware abaat a
+      paand a piece o' some sooart o' gimcracks an' we'll mak'em believe we have
+      browt summat after all!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw thowt it wor a gooid nooation soa we went an' bowt a cap for Mally an'
+      a pair a gloves for Hepsaba, an' a imitation meersham pipe for Ike, an'
+      one or two moor nonsensical things, an' then we put em i' my box at th'
+      station. Billy bowt a new dress piece, real French merino for his mother,
+      an' then we shook hands an' pairted. My reception wornt all at aw could
+      wish when aw went in hooam, but when th' box wor oppened an' Mally saw her
+      cap, shoo pawsed th' cat off th' fender becoss it wor sittin anent me, an'
+      as sooin as Hepsaba gate her gloves, shoo fun me a long pipe, an' filled
+      it wi bacca an' gat me a leet, an' Ike sed 'he'd hardly been able to bide
+      at his wark, he wor soa anxious at aw should land back safe;' an' he
+      walked abaat wi' th' pipe in his maath as if awd browt him th' grandest
+      thing aght o' th' Exhibition&mdash;Ther wor nowt to gooid for me just
+      then, an' aw thowt at after all, Billy wornt happen sich a fooil as aw
+      tewk him to be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0025" id="linkimage-0025"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0140m.jpg" alt="0140m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0140.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <div style="height: 6em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45927 ***</div>
+  </body>
+</html>
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0002.jpg b/45927-h/images/0002.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eff4e81
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0002.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eff4e81
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0006.jpg b/45927-h/images/0006.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..695c497
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0006.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..695c497
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0010.jpg b/45927-h/images/0010.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b0b7cf1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0010.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b0b7cf1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0021.jpg b/45927-h/images/0021.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..032623f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0021.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0ebbf06
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0035.jpg b/45927-h/images/0035.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3c7ed2a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0035.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3c7ed2a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0053.jpg b/45927-h/images/0053.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5350968
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0053.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5350968
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0054.jpg b/45927-h/images/0054.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4fd6d15
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0054.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4fd6d15
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0060.jpg b/45927-h/images/0060.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d2bc0fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0060.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d2bc0fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0061.jpg b/45927-h/images/0061.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..df1f4a0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0061.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..df1f4a0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0063.jpg b/45927-h/images/0063.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..899c742
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0063.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..899c742
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0064.jpg b/45927-h/images/0064.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4255668
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0064.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4255668
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0083.jpg b/45927-h/images/0083.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fd4f57f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0083.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fd4f57f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0084.jpg b/45927-h/images/0084.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..62afd7e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0084.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..62afd7e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0106.jpg b/45927-h/images/0106.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..12c08c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0106.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..12c08c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0107.jpg b/45927-h/images/0107.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..231aa65
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0107.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..231aa65
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0115.jpg b/45927-h/images/0115.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e303b36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0115.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e303b36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0116.jpg b/45927-h/images/0116.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9f3226
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0116.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9f3226
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0128.jpg b/45927-h/images/0128.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b25b978
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0128.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b25b978
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0136.jpg b/45927-h/images/0136.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4e2fa77
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0136.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4e2fa77
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0140.jpg b/45927-h/images/0140.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a04bc00
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0140.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg b/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a04bc00
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9008.jpg b/45927-h/images/9008.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..88f63ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9008.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..88f63ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9010.jpg b/45927-h/images/9010.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ec5ca10
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9010.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ec5ca10
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9021.jpg b/45927-h/images/9021.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ba42ac0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9021.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eb52737
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9035.jpg b/45927-h/images/9035.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..aa9ce36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9035.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..aa9ce36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9054.jpg b/45927-h/images/9054.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..40be68a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9054.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..40be68a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9061.jpg b/45927-h/images/9061.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..755c6ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9061.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..755c6ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9084.jpg b/45927-h/images/9084.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fb0172
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9084.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fb0172
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9107.jpg b/45927-h/images/9107.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..453d4fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9107.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..453d4fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9116.jpg b/45927-h/images/9116.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..717a898
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9116.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..717a898
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9128.jpg b/45927-h/images/9128.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..870cfbe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9128.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..870cfbe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9136.jpg b/45927-h/images/9136.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8749317
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9136.jpg
diff --git a/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg b/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8749317
--- /dev/null
+++ b/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..782412f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #45927 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/45927)
diff --git a/old/45927-8.txt b/old/45927-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cdc3a6c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,3720 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Seets I' Paris
+
+Author: John Hartley
+
+Release Date: June 10, 2014 [EBook #45927]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion
+O'th' French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
+
+By John Hartley
+
+Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun,"
+"Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek
+Puddin." &C.
+
+London:
+
+W. Nicholson & Sons,
+
+26, PATERNOSTER SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+[Illustration: 9008]
+
+O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa
+'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to
+bear i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me
+to visit;--an to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th'
+descriptions aw do give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt
+different to them, awd beg em to remember at we dooant all see wi th'
+same een, an if it had been intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod
+ha done for th' lot, an then what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers.
+Nah, if hawf o'th' book is fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other
+hawf is fancy, that's worth sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo
+have?
+
+Yors i' hard eearnest,
+
+SAMMYWELL GRIMES.
+
+
+```Dedicated As Token Of Respect, To
+
+```John Stansfield, Esq., Halifax.
+
+````With The Best Wishes Of
+
+`````The Author.
+
+`````November, 1878.
+
+
+
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+[Illustration: 9010]
+
+W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to
+Payris, but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as
+awm feeard if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen.
+Nah, awm quite willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider
+reight abaat it but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at
+ther wor nowt varry far wrang.
+
+Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived
+long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm
+sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm
+foorced to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad
+impression'at has'nt left me yet.
+
+Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for
+they sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi'
+him, an' especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel,
+which is another word for maister.
+
+But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa
+aw went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like
+th' Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for
+a long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an'
+booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to
+whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but
+then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen.
+Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's
+nivver had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a
+beershop at th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but
+durin' th' wick its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an'
+that's a varry gooid job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa
+anxious to suit his customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint
+until he's supt a gill to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up
+time, he's soa full up at he has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a
+pikestaff for fear if he should lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted.
+During th' rest o' th' wick he suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's
+hard warkto get on wi his brewin.
+
+He's nivver been wed, tho' he's a gooid lukkin' chap enuff, but his old
+mother lives wi him an' nurses him up as weel as shoo can. Shoo's tell'd
+him monny a time at shoo thinks he'd be better if he'd a wife, but he
+allus says he's feeard if he wor wed an' should have ony childer'at they
+might have his complaint an' he doesnt want to be th' means o' onybody
+else havin' to suffer as he's done. But altho' his mother has a deal to
+do for him, shoo's varry praad on him, for he's her only lad an' shoo
+says he's th' best brewer at ivver smell'd o' malt, an' for a duzzen
+year he's nivver had a brewin at womt fit to sup, though nah and then
+ther's one'at isnt fit to sell, but he's ov a careful turn an' nivver
+wastes it, an' wol he's suppin that he's savin' summat better, an' if
+it maks noa profit yet it isnt mich ov a loss. Aw've tell'd yo soa mich
+abaat Billy to introduce him like, an' yo'll get to know him better as
+we goa on.
+
+Aw tuk th' first chonce aw had to goa see him an it happened to be Sundy
+mornin' an' he wor varry bad, an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he
+grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he
+shuk his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th'
+rent.
+
+"Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have
+aw to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's
+weel to be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable
+carryin' on as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious
+tha knows, an' aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better.
+What wi ta have to sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver
+tasted. Mother, just draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after
+trailin' up here, an' yo can draw me a pint too for that matter for it
+cannot mak' me ony war nor aw am."
+
+"Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much
+as tha does Billy," sed his mother.
+
+He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed,
+"Payris! whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all
+feightin' aw reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps
+tawkin' abaat it ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."
+
+"Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."
+
+"It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it,
+but if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're
+baan to fuffen agean?"
+
+"Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith'
+world."
+
+"A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th'
+world--but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have another
+set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when they've
+done fuffenin?"
+
+"If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be
+sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver
+owt as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full
+o' moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."
+
+"Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,--are ta thinkin' abaat
+flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit
+thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves
+yor Mally owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th'
+exhibition;--aw generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith'
+year, though aw've missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's
+gooid enuff for me. Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa
+fuffenin."
+
+"Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,--aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen
+like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at
+ther's monny a scoor goa for nowt else."
+
+"Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me
+an' mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart
+ov a place is it for gettin summat to sup?"
+
+"Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe
+tha'll be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest
+women thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud
+leet o' one."
+
+"Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny
+brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"
+
+"Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll
+mak' thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."
+
+"Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."
+
+"Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o'
+gooin' tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."
+
+"Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"
+
+"Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."
+
+"Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin
+to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak
+it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"
+
+"Next Wedensdy mornin--tha's lots o' time to get ready.".
+
+"Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"
+
+"Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."
+
+"Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"
+
+"Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."
+
+"Well, be sewer tha does,--or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol
+thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."
+
+"Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth
+station bi nine o'clock."
+
+"Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"
+
+"Noa moor aw mun be off nah--Gooid day!"
+
+"Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we
+can manage for owt else."
+
+Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew
+awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em
+wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.
+
+When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set
+too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished
+up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"
+
+"Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows
+as well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha
+knows what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."
+
+"Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's
+forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what
+tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away,
+but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day
+or two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems
+happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi'
+wind tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an'
+it'll be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll
+find a deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could
+see ony gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa
+improvement in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to
+feel at, an' tha seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to
+forget at tha'rt a gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to
+Payredise for owt aw care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same
+as tha went, or else war."
+
+"Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an'
+then tha'll hardly know me.
+
+"Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha
+ther wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted
+o' thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been
+considerin it for th' last forty year--"
+
+"Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."
+
+"Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor
+born soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at
+tha'rt a fooil."
+
+"Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th'
+same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what
+says ta, will ta goa wi me?"
+
+"Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha
+thowt, simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense.
+What have aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should
+like to know if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr
+Hepsaba wi yond youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm
+expectin to be sent for ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if
+shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child i' awther arm an' a couple teed to
+her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav em to muck amang it; but awm
+different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can be o' some use to them at
+belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen a laffinstock for fowk!
+But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha one less to luk after,
+an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll net show thi face i'
+this fold agean yet a bit!"
+
+Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak'
+it war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th'
+ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght
+ov its place an' dragged it back agean, shoo turned raand an' sed as
+quiet as could be, "Then what wi ta want to tak' wi thi, coss
+tha'd better let's be knowin soas aw can get it ready an' net drive
+ivverything to th' last minit?"
+
+"Varry few things'll suit me, for we're nobbut gooin for a day or two."
+
+"We! who does ta mean bi a 'we'?"
+
+"Aw've been to ax Billy Baccus if he'll goa wi' me, aw thowt he'd be a
+bit o' cumpny tha knows."
+
+"Oh! Billy Baccus is it? Well an' awm fain tha has axd him! yo do reight
+to goa together, Billy an' thee! They'd ha built another, exhibition
+if they'd known you'd been gooin, Billy Baccus! raillee, Sammywell! an'
+what does his mother say? Is he baan to tak' a brewery wi him or will he
+rent one wol he's thear?"
+
+Someha this seemed to put Mally in a gooid temper an' aw wor nooan
+inclined to spoil it, soa aw laft when shoo laft an' ther wor nowt
+onnymoor sed.
+
+Th' momin sooin coom, an' when aw wor biddin' Mally gooid bye, aw slipt
+a bit o' paper into her hand at awd scribbled on,=
+
+```Awm gooin to leeav thi Mally lass,
+
+````But tho' aw love to rooam;
+
+```Awst nivver let an' haar pass,
+
+````Withaat a thowt for hooam.
+
+```An' tho' aw feeast mi'een o' seets ````All strange, an' wondrous
+grand;
+
+```Awst turn mi heart i'th' silent neets,
+
+````To this mi' native land.
+
+```Awst think o' thee, at's shared mi woe,
+
+````'At's proved mi' joy as well;
+
+```An' far an' wide wheare'er aw goa,
+
+````Awst prize nooan like thisel.=
+
+Shoo read it--"A'a, Sammywell!" shoo sed, "tha thinks tha can get ovver
+me onnytime wi' a bit 0' nonsense like that, but tha mun mind tha doesnt
+try it on once too oft. Try an' tak' care o' thisen, but whativver else
+be careful 0' thi umberel!"
+
+Aw wor sooin at th' station an' Billy wor waitin. If ivver aw saw th'
+pictur o' misery it wor his face that mornin'.
+
+"Ha does ta feel?" aw says.
+
+"War an' war, aw think awst ha to give it up, awm nooan fit to goa."
+
+"It's a pity tha set off," aw sed, "has ta getten wai sin tha left
+hooam?"
+
+"Nay aw've been soa ivver sin aw saw thi; aw should like to goa, but a'a
+dear a me!"
+
+"Why then," aw says, "aw need'nt get two tickets?"
+
+"Noa, get one for thisen, aw've getten mine."
+
+"An' whear's thi luggage?"
+
+"Its ith' van yonder all reight."
+
+Aw sed noa moor but gate mi ticket--th' time wor up, we jumpt into th'
+carriage an' wor sooin off to London.
+
+[Illustration: 0021]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II. MERCREDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9021]
+
+EXT to bein' th' eleventh chap to get into a carriage'at's suppooased to
+be weel packed wi' ten, aw hate to travel wi' one chap'at's made up his
+mind to be miserable--an' aw could see in a twinklin' 'at Bill meant it.
+
+But aw wor off for a spree, (aw owtn't to ha sed that, for awd left word
+at hooam'at aw wor gooin to collect information for th' benefit o' mi
+fellow men,) but whativver wor th' principle reason for me gooin aw
+know'at th' interest had summat to do wi' a jollification.
+
+"A'a, aw wish awd stopt at hooam," he sed, as sooin as th' train gate
+aght o'th' station.
+
+"Awm sooary but tha had," aw sed, low daan.
+
+"What says ta?"
+
+"Awm sooary tha'rt soa bad," aw shaated.
+
+"Tha doesn't know what aw suffer, lad. Has ta owt to sup?"
+
+"Eeah, aw've a drop'at Mally wod mak mi bring; see what it's like."
+
+"That stirs it," he sed, when he'd had a gooid swig, "what does ta call
+it?"
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know for aw've nivver tasted it. Happen it's gin?"
+
+"Is it?" an' he held th' bottle to luk at it. "Maybe it is," he sed, an'
+he tuk another swig to find aght. "Nay it's nooan gin aw think, aw fancy
+it's whisky."
+
+"Varry likely it is whisky," aw sed, "it doesn't luk unlike."
+
+"Aw dooant pretend to say'at it is, for awm noa judge, but it happen is
+gin," an' he supt agean to mak reight sewer, an' then he handed me
+th' bottle an' sed, "tha can call it what tha likes but aw call it
+whisky--taste for thisen."
+
+He did reight to say "taste," for he hadn't left enough in for a sup,
+but aw didn't care for that for it seemed to liven him up a bit, an' bi
+th' time we stopt at Peterborough he jumpt aght to stretch his legs a
+bit an' try what sooart o' ale they kept at th' station, an' he lukt
+leetsomer nor awd seen him for a twelvemonth, an' when he coom back he'd
+a cigar in his maath an' another for me. "What mak o' ale do they keep?"
+aw ax'd.
+
+"Muck! Aw wodn't sell sich stuff, an' th' glasses are nobbut like
+thimmels an' they dooan't aboon hauf fill'em. It's a scandlous shame
+ha they impooas o' fowk, if awd to do sich things aw couldn't sleep for
+thinkin' on it," an as if to prove'at he nivver did owt o'th' sooart he
+lained back his heead an' in a varry little time wor snoorin' away like
+a bacon makker.
+
+When th' train stopt at th' far end aw had to wak-ken him an' it wor noa
+easy job. "Come on!" aw sed, "Ger up! Doesn't ta know'at we're at th'
+far end?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whear we are, awm nooan baan to get up!"
+
+"But tha mun care, for tha'll be foorced to get aght here; an' whear's
+thi luggage? If tha doesn't stir thi somdy'll run away wi' it!"
+
+He oppened one e'e abaat hauf way just to squint at me, "An' who's
+baan to run away wi' it? Let me catch him an' awl bet ther'll be one
+Frenchman less to feight th' next battle o' Waterloo! Awl poise his
+frog-aitin heead off his shoolders if he touches owt o' mine!"
+
+"Ther's noa Frenchmen here; tha's nobbut getten to Lundun, an' tha
+munnot tawk abaat poisin' when tha gets to France, tha'll ha' to leearn
+to parleyvoo!"
+
+"Aw dooant care whether it's poisin' or parleyvoo-in', awl bet his heead
+comes off schews ha!"
+
+Just then th' guard coom "All out here! Hi there! what's to do?"
+
+Aw knew th' guard an' he knew me. "O, it's nobbut a friend o' mine'at's
+been asleep a bit an' didn't know we'd landed," aw sed.
+
+"And where is he off to? not to Paris surely? He'll be lost."
+
+"Nay, he'll nooan be lost for awm'baan wi' him to luk after him."
+
+Aw didn't see owt funny abaat that but he laft wol aw thowt he'd getten
+a spasm. "And who's going to look after thee, Sammywell?"
+
+"Well, when aw want a bigger fooil nor misen to keep me company awl ax
+thy maister if he can spare thee for a day or two."
+
+My temper isn't as long as it used to be an' aw didn't relish a strackle
+brain like him takkin' liberties wi' me, just as if he'd paid his fare
+an' we'd been paid for commin', an' aw wor i' hauf a mind to goa to th'
+firerup an' ligg a complaint, but Billy had his hand on his wayscoit
+agean an' began grooanin.
+
+"Well, what says ta," he sed, "are we to goa onny farther or stop whear
+we are? Aw wor nivver fit to set off i' this state an' aw should nivver
+ha' come but for thee. An' what are we to do wi' this luggage? An' what
+time does train start? An' whear does it start throo? An' what are we
+to do wi' ussen wol it does start? An' what's to come o' yond malt'at's
+masht? An' ha does ta expect an old woman like mi mother to be able to
+tun? It wor a wrang-heeaded affair ivver to set off an' if we nivver get
+back it'll be thy fault."
+
+"Bless mi life!" aw sed, "tha needn't goa! Tiler'll be a train back to
+Bradforth directly! Aw dooan't want thi to goa if it's agean thi mind!"
+
+"It's nooan mi mind it's mi stummack! if aw worn't sufferin' like this
+aw should be fain to goa; but say what it's to be; are we to goa forrad
+or turn back?"
+
+"Aw shall goa forrad an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Then aw shall goa forrad if tha does. Goa an' find aght all particlars
+an' see after this luggage an' mak all as reight an' square as tha can
+an' then if ther's time, tak me somewhear to get summat to stir this
+pain. Awm a deeal fitter for bed nor to be knockin' abaat like this."
+
+Aw left him wol aw made enquiries, but aw couldn't help wonderin' if
+Smith had as mich bother wi' me when he tuk me raand to see th' Seets i'
+Lundun as aw seemed likely to have wi' Billy.
+
+"The best plan for you to do is to take a cab and get your luggage to
+Victoria station, the train starts from there and they'll give you all
+information," sed th' pooarter aw ax'd. Ther wor plenty on'em an' we
+gate one an' wor sooin rollin' away. "Couldn't we ha' walked it, Sammy?
+Tha knows walkin' is far better for me nor bein' shook to bits in a
+ditherin' con-sarn like this."
+
+"It's too far to walk an' we'st be thear directly."
+
+"Has ta emptied that bottle?"
+
+"Eeah, does ta want summat? Awl stop th' cab in a minit."
+
+"Does fa want summat?'coss if tha doesn't tha's noa need to stop th'
+cab for th' sake o' me. Aw've been used to sufferin all mi life, an'
+happenfif aw did get summat aw should be noa better."
+
+But just then th' cab did stop an' when aw shoved mi heead aght to see
+th' reason on it, thear wor th' same railway guard sittin' on th' dicky
+ov another cab wi' my umberel ovver his shoolder, an' he wor grin-nin'
+like a Cheshire cat. "Is this thy parryshute, Sammywell?"
+
+"Awl shute thee if tha doesn't hand it ovver here!" aw says.
+
+A'a, but aw wor fain to see him, for if awd lost that umberel aw nivver
+dar ha' faced hooam! Ov coorse that wor a nice excuse to get aght an'
+have a leek on. Billy called for a pot o' hauf an' hafe, an' when he
+gate it up to his lips he held it thear soa long wol aw thowt he'd
+getten his teeth fast i'th pewter an' couldn't leeav lawse, but when
+he did put it daan th' bartender whipt it aght o'th' rooad ready
+for another customer an' Billy wiped his lips and gave a sigh o'
+satisfaction'at wor like music to me.
+
+"Nah, what does ta think o: that?" aw sed.
+
+"Middlin', but it's rayther short o' malt."
+
+Aw wor soa thankful to get mi'nelly back wol aw stood treat twice raand.
+"Aw'st ha' to be more carefui for th' futer," aw sed, "for aw wodn't
+pairt wi' it for its weight o' new ens."
+
+"If tha did tha'd be able to start a shop," sed Billy.
+
+"Why not have your name put on it?" sed th' guard.
+
+"Bith' mass! aw nivver thowt o' that!"
+
+"There's a shop next door but one, a regular umbrella hospital, I dare
+say they would do it for you in a few minutes, and you've got plenty of
+time; I'll stay with your friend till you come back."
+
+Aw went, an' gate inside aw tell'd what aw wanted to a nice modest
+lukkin' young woman, an' as sooin as shoo saw it, it seem'd to remind
+her ov her early days, maybe shoo'd an old mother somewhear'at had one
+like it, or a fayther moulderin' away i'th' churchyard'at had once been
+praad o' sich a one. Aw ommost felt sooary aw'd spokken, for whativver
+it wor, it made her bury her face in her white kertchy an' hurry away
+in a state o' agitation'at touched me to th' quick. In abaat a minit, a
+young bit ov a whipper-snapper ov a chap, wi' his hair pairted daan th'
+middle, comes, an' aw tell'd him what aw wanted. He seized hold ov it
+an' began handlin' it as if he'd noa more respect for it nor he had
+for hissen, (an' a chap'at pairts his hair daan th' middle is nivver
+troubled wi' mich,) an' then he started laffin' an' began axin' me all
+sooarts o' questions abaat it." "Young man," aw sed, "Aw didn't come here
+to give th' history o' my umbrella, aw coom to ax if yo could put mi
+name on it, an' if tha doesn't stop off messin' it up an' daan awl come
+raand an' see if my shoe tooa can stir thi brains a bit." He saw aw
+meant it so he sobered daan a bit an' handed it back to me, an' he sed
+'he wor varry sorry but it wom't i' their line, but if aw tuk it across
+to a ironmonger's opposite aw should happen be able to get a door-plate
+to fit it.' "An' if aw do," aw says, "awl come for thy heead for th'
+door nop an' when aw come aght o' that shop yo couldn't tell whear th'
+pairtin' o' that chap's hair had been, but awl bet it wom't i'th' middle
+for a wick or two at after.
+
+Aw didn't goa to th' ironmongers, but aw went back to whear aw'd left
+Billy, but he wor soa taen up wi' th' guard wol aw sat mi daan, quietly
+to wait an' as aw'd been put abaat a bit aw eased misen wi' havin' a
+tawk to mi umberel.--=
+
+```What matters if some fowk deride,
+
+````An' point wi' a finger o' scorn?
+
+```Th' time wor tha wor lukt on wi' pride,
+
+````Befoor mooast o' th' scoffers wor bom.
+
+```But awl ne'er turn mi back on a friend,
+
+````Tho' old fashioned an' grey like thisel;
+
+```But awl try to cling to thi to th' end,
+
+````Tho' tha'rt nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Whear wod th' young ens'at laff be to-day,
+
+````But for th' old ens they turn into fun?
+
+```Who wor wearin' thersen bent an' grey,
+
+````When theirdays had hardly begun?
+
+```Ther own youth will quickly glide past;
+
+````If they live they'll all grow old thersel;
+
+```An' they'll long for a true friend at last,
+
+````Though it's nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Tha's grown budgey, an' faded, an' worn,
+
+````Yet thi inside is honest an' strong,
+
+```But thi coverin's tattered an' torn,
+
+````An' awm feeard'at tha cannot last long.
+
+```But when th' few years 'at's left us have run,
+
+````An' to th' world we have whispered farewells;
+
+```May they say'at my duty wor done,
+
+````As weel as mi old umberel's.'=
+
+Awd getten soa far when they called me to'em, an' after another sup we
+bid gooid day to th' guard, gate into th' cab an' wor sooin at Victoria
+station.
+
+When we gate thear, we fan th' train didn't start till past eight
+o'clock. "Nah, tha's getten us into a bonny mullock, tha has! Aw thowt
+tha reckoned to know summat abaat travellin'. We've hauf a day to goa
+wanderin' abaat an' me i' this state--net fit to walk a yard. What does
+ta mean to do? We'd happen better caar here? An' ther's three quarters
+o' malt i'th' mash at hooam an' here aw am hallockin' abaat fast what to
+do wi' mi time."
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat thy three quarters o' malt, Billy; if tha'rt soa
+anxious abaat it tha should ha' stopt wi' it or else browt it wi' thi!
+Awm baan to have summat to ait an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Nay, aw nooan want to pleeas misen, net aw marry! Aw've come here o'
+purpose to pleas thee. Do whativver tha likes it'll be reight to me;
+tha's getten me here nah soa aw mun mak th' best on't."
+
+We set off an' had a long walk an' aw could see'at he wor a bit capt as
+we passed some o' th' big buildins an' monuments soa aw ax'd his opinion
+on'em.
+
+"Varry fair, considerin'," he sed, "but aw expected findin' 'em bigger,
+an' thes nooan on'em ovver cleean."
+
+"Why," aw sed, "tha'll have to goa a long way to find bigger nor theas."
+
+"They're noa bigger, accordinglye to th' place nor yond little haase o'
+mine up at th' moor end."
+
+Aw tuk him into a place whear aw knew we could get a gooid meal at a
+reasonable rate an' axt him what he'd have.
+
+"Aw dunnot know what to say--ther's nowt aw dar touch wi' mi stummack i'
+this state--thee order what tha likes."
+
+"Awm gooin' in for a mutton chop an' some fried puttates."
+
+"Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for
+aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect
+it willn't be fit to sup."
+
+Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his
+didn't last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for
+a matter o' five minits nawther on us spake.
+
+"Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"
+
+"Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine,
+but if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to
+put th' price on it awl warrant."
+
+Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he
+polished'em.
+
+"Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk
+o' cake.
+
+"Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas
+at hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll
+agree wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."
+
+Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an'
+we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.
+
+It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see
+after tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen
+shillin' a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther
+must be some mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it
+wor all reight, ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd
+Billy, an' ax'd what we should do.--"Do just as tha likes," he says,
+"tha has it all i' thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can
+awther goa or stop just as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich
+things, it's nobbut thee'at has all th' knowledge;--but _aw know what aw
+wish._"
+
+As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets
+an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy
+slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin'
+"Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he
+sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to
+set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."
+
+Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we
+could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight
+agate o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd
+ha' seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on
+a par wi' all tha does!--but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember
+thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"
+
+Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a
+table full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor
+sooin off, but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa
+up stairs, so we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses
+all grinnin' an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a
+guess what it meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor
+rainin' an' blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th'
+Atlantic Ocean. Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor
+fain to let mi cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire
+rooap an' ther wor noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him
+in a bit, "Tha'rt varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"
+
+"Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he
+lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just
+abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet
+it wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained
+ovver to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw
+nivver lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear
+an' aw saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."
+
+After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land,
+whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a
+little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood
+to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.
+
+"What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas
+he wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to
+Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta
+feel?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an'
+aw tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back
+hooam."
+
+"Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll
+goa straight back hooam."
+
+"Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"
+
+After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable
+carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened
+th' sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin'
+in th' harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle
+saanded an' th' train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at
+hauf-past six o' one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When
+we gate aght o'th' station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to
+seek lodgins.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."
+
+He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th'
+sky, an' finished off wi' starin' at me.
+
+"Well?" aw says.
+
+"Why, it's nowt!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III. JENDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9035]
+
+S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit
+to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an'
+as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked
+as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he
+wor. "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.
+
+"Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they
+liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin
+aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.
+
+"Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try
+some quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to
+Dick an' run th' risk o' what it costs?"
+
+"Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."
+
+Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th'
+winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th'
+shop for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered
+an' a young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an'
+dried in a hurry, coom to meet us--"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.
+
+"Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.
+
+"Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain
+English?"
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English
+they tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."
+
+"Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant
+believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.
+
+"Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite--Have,
+you,--a--bedroom?"
+
+"Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"
+
+"Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt
+touch her wi' th' tangs!"
+
+We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if
+th' smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another
+try--French this time,--"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed,
+"what is it tha wants?"
+
+"E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"
+
+"Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw
+reckon?"
+
+"Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste--for aw should'nt
+care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd
+ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a
+bit o' summat to ait if we want it?"
+
+"Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up."
+
+"Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like."
+
+"Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin
+browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he
+nobbut just tasted on it an' put it daan agean.
+
+"Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister.
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,--it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an'
+sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do
+yo allussell it warm like that?"
+
+"Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep
+it i' ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant
+know th' difference--Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be
+luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that
+befoor yo've been long."
+
+"Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense--why, when awm
+brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on."
+
+"Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a
+Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm
+back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?"
+
+We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin
+it, aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?
+
+"Th' place ud do weel enuff if ther wor owt to be made at it, but ther
+isnt hauf as monny fowk as what ther's accomodation for, aw've lost a
+gooid bit o' brass sin aw coom an' if yo ax other fowk they'll tell yo
+th' same tale."
+
+When we'd finished he tuk us up a corkscrew staircase an' showed us two
+raams--they wor cleean, thers noa denyin' that, an' they wor furnished,
+after a fashion--part Parisian an' pairt Brummagem--aw should think what
+wor in em booath had'nt been bowt for a penny less nor thirty shillin',
+but ther wor white lace curtains up to th' winders an' they lukt varry
+weel throo th' aghtside an' that wor all at mattered. We booath on us
+wanted a wesh, an' on a little table we'd each on us a cream jug an'
+sugar basin, an' we had to mak th' best on em; thear wor noa feear on
+us sloppin' ony watter abaat, for if we had ther'd ha been nooan left.
+After dippin' us finger ends in we rubbed us faces ovver an' tryin' to
+believe at we wor a deeal better for th' trouble we started for a luk
+raand aghtside. Aw thowt Billy lukt varry glum agean an' as he did'nt
+offer to tell me th' reason aw axd him if ther wor owt'at had'nt suited
+him?
+
+"Ther's nowt'at has suited me soa far, an' what's moor nor that ther's
+net likely to be--an' to mend matters when aw come to luk i' mi box, awm
+blessed if aw hav'nt come withaat a cleean shirt."
+
+"Why," aw says, "ther's a shop across th' rooad at sells em soa tha can
+easily mak that reight," soa we went inside an' aw tell'd him as plain
+as iwer aw could spaik'at we wanted a shirt, an' aw pointed to his mucky
+dicky. "Wee, wee," he sed, an' jabbered away, an' Billy tawked back to
+him like a man, an' gave him sich a karacter i' broad Yorsher as awm
+sewer he wod'nt want i' writin' if he wor lukkin aght for a fresh shop.
+Th' ticket wor easy to read soa Billy paid him six francs an' walked
+away wi it in a breet green paper box, an' we turned back to us lodgins
+for him to put it on. He had'nt been up stairs long befoor aw thowt one
+ov his bilious attacks had come on agean--"Sammy!" he bawled aght, "come
+here!" soa aw went to see what wor to do.
+
+"Luk thear! What does yond chap tak us for? Awm in a gooid mind to tak
+this back an' shove it daan his throit! Is ther owt like a woman abaat
+me, thinks ta?"
+
+Thear it wor reight enuff, printed on th' box i' big letters, "Chemise."
+"Well, he's varry likely made a mistak, here mistress!" aw sed as shoo
+wor just passin th' door, "shirt--he wants a shirt an' they've seld him
+a shift." Shoo lifted her e'e broos ommost to th' top ov her heead an'
+lukt at th' box an' then shoo pointed to his dicky an' sed, "Chemise!
+wee, wee."
+
+"Shoo's war nor a guinea pig, wi her ivverlastin' 'wee wee,'" sed
+Billy, an' he wor shuttin' th' box up agean but shoo coom up an' tuk it
+aght an' awm blowed if it wornt a shirt after all. After that we decided
+to goa to th' Exhibition an' spend th' furst day thear--but as Billy wor
+detarmined net to walk an' wod call at ivvery shop'at had one o' Bass's
+or Alsop's cards ith' winder it tuk us wol after dinnertime to get
+thear, but it wornt after th' time'at we could do wi a dinner for all
+that, but ther wor soa mich to see wol aitin seem'd ommost aght o' th'
+question--even Billy, although he wor walkin up an daan oppen maath
+seemed to ha forgetten to grow dry. They manage theas things better i'
+France; (aw fancy aw've heeard that befoor) but although aw know awst
+nivver be able to do justice to it, yet aw think aw owt to give yo as
+gooid an' accaant as aw can. Well then to begin wi; we'll goa back a
+little bit an' mak a fair start.
+
+In a strange country mooast things luk strange an' ith' walk we'd had we
+saw a deeal at capt us, but nowt moor surprisin' nor th' amaant o' ugly
+wimmen. We'd come prepared to be dazzled wi female luvliness an' grand
+dresses but ther wor nowt at sooart to see. Th' mooast on em wor dark
+skinned--sharp een'd, podgy-bodied, dowdy-donned crayturs'at lukt varry
+mich like wesherwimmen aght o' wark. Th' chaps wor better lukkin' bi
+th' hauf, but Billy sed he thowt they'd luk better if they'd stop off
+suppin' red ink an' get some gooid ale an' beef onto ther booans. But
+ther's one thing'at aw dooant believe ony Frenchman can do, an' that is,
+slouch along th' street wi his hands in his pockets like a thorough-bred
+Yorksherman! Even them at's huggin looads o' boxes an' hampers o' ther
+rig, (sich looads as a Yorksher chap ud stand an' luk at wol somdy went
+an' fotched a horse an' cart,) trip away as if they'd somewhear to goa,
+an' as if ther feet had been created to carry ther body an' net as if
+it wor th' body at had been intended to trail th' feet after it. An' yet
+someha or other, nubdy seemed to be in a hurry--th' street cars are run
+thear to save th' trouble o' walkin', but ther seems to be noa idea o'
+savin time. If a chap wants to ride he nivver thinks to wait wol a
+car comes up to him, he walks on till he ovvertaks one. Th' cabs are a
+little bit better as regards speed but aw could'nt help thinkin' at if
+they'd give th' horses moor oats an' less whip it ud be better for all
+sides. Aw nivver i' mi life heeard owt like th' whipcrackin' at wor
+to be heeard ith' busy streets, it reminded me o' nowt soa mich as th'
+fourth o' July in America; ivvery driver wor alike an' ther whips
+went wi as mich regilarity as a wayver's pickin' stick. To us it wor
+a newsance an' for th' chaps it must ha been hard wark but th' horses
+did'nt seem to tak ony nooatice--but if they give'em plenty o' whip aw
+dooant think they oft kill'em wi wark, for we passed monny a team o' six
+or eight mucky lukkin' grays, big booaned an' ill tended an' wi heeads
+on'em like soa monny churns turned th' wrang end up, at wor walkin' i'
+single file an' suppooased to be draggin' a waggon wi a looad ov abaat
+hauf a tun. Ther wor noa shops or buildins'at had owt abaat'em to admire
+an' aw must confess aw felt a trifle disappointed, but aw wor detarmined
+net to show it, for Billy had curled up his nooas when he started aght
+an' if he did spaik at all it wor allusth' same strain o' regret for
+what he'd left, an' contempt for all he'd fun.
+
+This wornt varry mich to be wondered at, as we discovered next day'at
+we'd been trailin abaat throo all th' back slums an' had nivver once
+getten onto th' reight track, an' it wor moor bi gooid luck nor gooid
+management at we ivver fan th' exhibition buildin' at all, but when we
+did, even Billy could'nt grummel. It wor a queer feelin at coom ovver me
+when aw went in. Aw seemed to sink into insignificance all at once, an'
+aw could'nt help thinkin' at ther wor happen moor trewth i' what awr
+Mally had tell'd me nor awd felt inclined to admit,--Aw could see at
+Billy wor as mich capt as me for he walked a yard or two an' then stopt
+to turn raand, an' his een lukt fairly to be startin' aght ov his heead,
+an' his lower jaw hung onto his shirt as if th' back hinge ov his face
+had brokken. "Nah," aw says, "what does ta think abaat this? will this
+do for thi?" but he nobbut gave me a luk an' withaat spaikin' went a
+yard or two farther an' turned raand agean. After a while we gained th'
+oppen air agean an' then we sat daan whear we could have a view o' th'
+watter fall an faantens. "This is grand," aw sed.
+
+"Tha says reight for once, an'to tell th' plain trewth nah, awm nooan
+sooary aw've come, for it'll fit me to tawk abaat for monny a year."
+
+"Well, awm glad tha's fun summat to suit thi an' aw think tha will be
+suited befoor we've done; for th' buildin' we've come throo is varry
+little moor nor th' gateway to a show at occupies 140 acres. Aw dooant
+think we've owt i' England to equal that!"
+
+"Now!--Bith' heart! Sammy; if a chap could nobbut get that buildin' at
+a easy rent, an' start it as a brewery it ud lick owt o' th' sooart we
+have! Tha sees ther's plenty o' gooid watter--yo could pile yor barrels
+up ith' centre thear--therms plenty o' raam for th' waggons to goa in
+an' aght--th' brewin plant could be fixed at this end--th' malt an' hops
+could be kept i' one o' them steeples, an' th' grains could be shot
+aght o' that winder. It mud ha been built for it. It nobbut wants them
+moniments an' gim-cracks clearin aght, an' it could be made to do i' noa
+time ommost.
+
+"Well, Sammy aw must say awm fain aw've come, an if tha's a mind, we'll
+get aght o' th' sun an' see if we can get summat to sup, but we will'nt
+have ale this time; aw dooant feel to care soa mich abaat it just nah.
+If tha's nowt agean it we'll join at one o' them bottles o' red ink; it
+can nobbut pooisen us'schews ha."
+
+Aw felt soa mad wol aw could'nt help wishin' at it wod pooisen him for
+aw thowt he desarved it. We went to a bonny little place whear aw saw
+some bottles an' glasses, aw dooant know what to call it, but it wor
+a sooart ov a goa between a public haase an' a summer haase, an' aw
+managed to mak' a bonny young lass understand what we wanted, an' shoo
+sarved us wi a smilin' face an' as mich curtseyin' as if we'd gooan to
+ax abaat th' vallyation, an' when aw held aght a handful o' silver for
+her to tak pay aght on, shoo nobbut tuk one French shillin, an' yo
+can buy em at tuppence apiece less nor awrs. We thowt that wor bein'
+gentlemen at a varry cheap rate. Yo may hardly believe it, but aw've
+paid three times as mich for stuff'at has'nt been hauf as gooid,--"Aw
+call this reasonable," aw says.
+
+"Cheap as muck," sed Billy, "its worth that mich to see a bonny lass
+like that--tha sees shoo's like a lady an' shoo knows manners too. Its a
+thaasand pities at shoo connot tawk gradely English."
+
+"It is; shoo's to be pitied for that. English fowk have a deeal to
+be thankful for, but happen shoo's satisfied, for shoo'll be able to
+understand other fowk."
+
+"Tha munnat tell me at a lass like yond can ivver be satisfied wi a lot
+o' gabberin' fowk at cant tawk soas to be understood, shoo's like yond
+buildin' we've just come throo, shoo owt to be put to a better purpose.
+A'a! what a brewus yond wod mak'!"
+
+"Well, tha knows we've all noations ov us own, an' aw connot agree wi
+thee thear. Tha seems to care nowt abaat art, all tha thinks on is ale."
+
+"Well, did ta ivver know onnybody at filled ther belly o' art? Nah aw've
+known monny a one do it wi ale. That's th' way to luk at it."
+
+"It's thy way but it is'nt mine, but as time's gooin on lets goa into
+th' place whear all theas wonderful things are to be seen."
+
+"Goa thi ways, for thar't th' mooast restless chap aw ivver knew, tha'rt
+like a worm on a whut backstun, an' if tha gets into a comfortable
+corner tha will'nt stop. It's nice an' cooil here, but awst be sweltered
+i' th' sunshine. If th' weather's owt like this at hooam it'll play the
+hangment wi yond galcar."
+
+Awm net gooin to say mich abaat th' Exhibition for one or two
+reasons--furst is aw think it's been a deeal better done bi somdy else,
+an' second, it'll tak up soa mich time, an' ther's net monny fowk at
+has'nt seen one, an' they're all mackley--Its enuff to say at this
+licks all at's gooan befoor it, an' 'at noa Englishman had ony need to
+shame for his country, an' nubdy had moor cause for pride nor Yorksher
+fowk. We roamed abaat for an' haar or two but feastin' one's een does'nt
+satisfy th' stummack, an' soa aw hinted at we should goa to th' English
+buffet whear my guide book sed we could get owt we wanted to ait an'
+find fowk at could tawk English. As sooin as aw mentioned it Billy sed
+he cared nowt for a buffet, he'd a deeal rayther have a arm cheer, but
+when aw explained what it wor he wor ready enuff to goa. Awd been warned
+befoor aw coom abaat extortion an' roagery an' tell'd what awful charges
+they made for simple things, but aw meant havin summat daycent to ait
+whativver it cost--soa we sat daan an' ordered soop, an' a plate o' rost
+beef an' puttates, an' some roily polly puddin for a start, an' we thowt
+if that wornt enuff, we'd ax if they could give us a plate o' pie. We
+sooin gate throo th' soop, but we sat a long time waitin' for th'
+rost beef to follow. Next to Billy wor a Frenchman an' his wife,--(aw
+sup-pooas Frenchmen have wives sometimes,)--an' one o' th' waiters browt
+him a nice plate o' boiled chicken, soa we thowt, but he didnt seem
+to tak onny noatice on it but went on wi his tawkin--Billy kept lukkin
+first at him an' then at th' plate an' at last he turned to me an' says,
+"This chap doesnt seem hungry an' its a pity to see this gooin cold," soa
+he shifted th' plate an' began to wire in. It did'nt tak him aboon three
+minutes to finish th' lot an' he passed back th' empty plate,--an' just
+then th' waiter coom wi awr rost beef. We'd just getten fairly started
+when th' Frenchman turned raand to begin, an' when he saw th' plate wi
+nowt on it he lukt as if he could ha swallered them at had swallered
+his dinner, an' he called for th' waiter an' be th' way he shaated an'
+shrugged his shoolders it wor plain to be seen'at he wor lettin somdy
+have it hot, but that did'nt affect Billy for he wor cooil enough an'
+stuck to his mark like a brick, but this Frenchman wor detarmined net to
+let it drop soa easily, an' he stormed an' raved as if he'd been robbed
+ov a pop-ticket, "Whats to do wi this cranky fooil," sed Billy?
+
+Th' waiter could spaik English an' he says, "This gentleman says that he
+has had nothing to eat and he wont pay, and I am certain I brought him a
+dish of stewed frogs, and now he wants to declare he's never seen them!"
+
+Billy's face went as white as mi hat, an' he dropt his knife an' fork,
+"Nah, aw've done it!" he sed, spaikin' to me, "awst be pooisened, aw know
+aw shall! It's all thy fault an' tha'll ha to answer for it."
+
+"Awd nowt to do wi it, tha should let stuff alooan at doesnt belang to
+thi; but ha did they taste?"
+
+"Aw thowt awd nivver had owt as grand i' mi life an' aw wor meeanin to
+have another plate but nah at aw know what it wor awd rayther ha gien a
+fiver nor ha touched sich-like powse. Tha mun promise me nivver to tell
+when we get back, or else they'll plague me abaat it as long as they've
+a day to live."
+
+He seemed to ha lost his appetite after this, but aw stuck to mi corner
+an' made a rattlin dinner an' when awd to pay, an' it wor nobbut two
+franks an' a hauf (that's little moor nor two bob,) aw felt varry mich
+inclined to ax em if they could let us have a bed for th' neet, an then
+awd send for awr Mally an' live thear for six months, for awm sewer
+aw could'nt live as cheap at hooam. Then we went to have a luk at th'
+picturs, an' aw felt praader nor ivver as aw went throo th' English
+gallery--it wor grand! but ther wor others at wor ommost as gooid.
+
+Ther wor a lot o' gooid paintins i' th' French gallery, an' it towt me
+th' meanin o' what fowk call 'poor art,' for th' French art is too poor
+to find clooas for th' men an' wimmen they paint, for throo one end o'
+th' raam to t'other it lukt like nowt as mich as a empty swimmin bath
+whear a craad o' wimmin, three rows deep, wor waitin' for th' watter
+to come in. Billy pooled a handful o' copper aght ov his pocket an'
+reckoned to be thrang caantin it, wol he gat aghtside, for he could'nt
+fashion to luk up, an' aw felt thankful at Mally wor at hooam. Awve noa
+daat ther wor a deeal o' beauty at we missed, an' a deeal o' things'at
+wor varry trew to natur but its possible for trewth to be too bare-faced
+at times. It had getten farish on ith' day when we coom aght, dazed and
+maddled wi th' wonders'at we'd seen, (an' we had'nt seen a quarter o'
+what wor thear) an' we felt at a cup o' teah, wod'nt do us ony harm soa
+we started off for us lodgins.
+
+Billy sed he'd had enough o' walkin' an' he wod'nt stir another peg till
+we gat a cab, soa aw put up mi finger an' one coom. Aw tried all
+th' French aw knew an' a gooid deeal o' th' English but he could'nt
+understand a word, soa aw wrate th' name o' th' place an' th' name o'
+th' street on a card an' gave it him an' he grinned like a Cheshire cat
+an' started off. It wor then we began to find aght what Payris wor like.
+We went throo one big archway at they call Arc de Triomphe de'Etoile,
+an' it fairly made us tremmel. Aw lukt at mi guide book, (an' yo can do
+th' same if yo have one,) an' gat to know all abaat it, an' what it had
+cost; aw cant say'at it seems varry useful but its varry ornamental. We
+rattled on throo bustlin streets whear th' shops wor palaces, an' ther
+wor soa mich to tak us fancy at we tuk noa noatice o' th' cab chap
+wol he pooled up suddenly ith' front ov a arched passage an' coom an'
+oppened th' door an' pointin to th' haase he mooationed us to get
+aght. But it wom't th' reight shop! 'Café du Nord,' wor printed up an
+'Manchester House,' wor on a big sign an' 'English spoken,' wor i' big
+gold letters on th' winders but it wor nawther th' same place nor th'
+same street at we'd left ith' mornin. Aw gat aght to mak enquiries but
+Billy wod'nt stir. "Arnt ta baan to get aght?" aw sed.
+
+"Awst stir nooan wol yo find th' reight shop, awm varry comfortable
+here."
+
+Aw did'nt feel varry comfortable, but aw went inside to mak a few
+enquiries, but they mud as weel ha been Objibberaway Indians for ony
+sense aw could mak on em, they did plenty o' bowin an' scrapin an'
+hutchin up o' ther shoolders but that did'nt help me ony, soa aw gate
+hold o' one chap bi th' collar an' tuk him an' planted him opposite th'
+words 'English Spoken,' an' aw says, "Nah then, can ta read that?" "Wee,
+wee," he sed an' off he set, an' aw lukt for th' cab an' Billy but awd
+hard wark to find 'it for ther wor a craad o' fowk gethered raand an'
+th' driver wor stampin an' ravin away at Billy wol he fair fooamed
+at th' maath, an' aw felt thankful just then'at aw did'nt understand
+French, for my belief is at he wornt prayin for him to get aght but
+swearin at him for stoppin in, but Billy wor lainin back smookin a
+cigar an' seemed to be enjoyin it. "Sacrey mon dew!" he shaated at him.
+"Sacrey thisen, if tha wants," sed Billy, "awst nooan stir aght o' this
+wol tha finds th' reight shop; if tha connot find it awm sewer aw connot
+an' aw've trailed abaat wol awm stall'd."
+
+But, for a blessin, th' chap at awd had hold on, coom back an' browt a
+lass wi him, one at aw sup-pooas wor kept o' purpose for th' job, an'
+as shoo happened to know as mich English as aw did French we gate on
+famously. At last aw bethowt me o' th' railway station an' that shoo
+seemed to understand, an' shoo tell'd th' driver summat, but he seemed
+to think he'd had enuff on us, but aw shoved him o' one side an' set
+daan along-side Billy, an' as he could see noa way else aght on it, he
+jumpt on th' dicky an' tuk his revenge aght o' th' horse. Be-foor he gat
+us to th' station aw saw th' haase we wor seekin soa aw stopt him, an'
+we gat aght, an' as we gave him double his fare he gave us a flourishin'
+salute an drave off. As aw wor gooin in at th' door Billy pooled me back
+an' pointed to two little childer abaat eight year old an' he laft wol
+he could'nt spaik for ivver so long, "He, he, he, ho! did ta ivver come
+across owt like that? Tha mun tell Mally abaat that when tha gets hooam
+for it licks all! Why even th' bits o' childer can tawk French!" an' it
+wor true too, tho' when aw coom to consider abaat it aw did'nt see owt
+soa varry wonderful in it after all.
+
+A cup o' teah an' a walk to th' railway station whear we gat a gooid
+wesh for a penny, freshened us up a bit an' we prepared to spend th'
+furst neet i' Payris th' same as mooast fowk do; that is, we started
+aght i' hoaps at we should see summat at we should condemn after we'd
+seen it, an' deplore th' existence ov th' varry things at form th'
+principal attraction for nine aght o' ivvery ten at pay a visit to
+th' finest city ith' world, whear gaiety flooats ovver th' surface o'
+ivverything an' th' cankerin sorrow is busy deep ith' heart.=
+
+```A sorrowing heart ne'er seems as sad
+
+````As when'midst gaiety;
+
+```You see beneath the flimsy veil,
+
+````Its writhing misery.=
+
+```The apple with the golden rind,
+
+````The greedy eye gloats o'er,
+
+```But then, alas,'tis sad to find
+
+````Dry ashes at its core.=
+
+```The smiling face, the beaming eye.
+
+````The soft and snowy skin;
+
+```Turns pleasure into horror when
+
+````We find all black within.=
+
+```Better the humblest face and form.
+
+````If virtue dwells therein;
+
+```Than all the beauties that adorn
+
+````The inward heart of sin.=
+
+[Illustration: 0053]
+
+[Illustration: 0054]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR.
+
+[Illustration: 9054]
+
+OULEVARD des Italiens;--aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
+saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut
+a street after all.)
+
+When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
+carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into
+one fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry
+nearly ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith'
+front on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an'
+chattin an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther
+wor one thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther
+wives an' ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt
+tell owt they sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen.
+We walked along, starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor
+strange to us. Th' gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes,
+an' they wor leeted up like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or
+cigar shops, an' th' leets throo th' winders made all seem as breet as
+day ommost. Even Billy seemed satisfied wi it.
+
+But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
+corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
+th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
+away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook
+or strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor
+varry gooid friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th'
+Tuileries Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor
+workin, an' th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen
+furst rate, an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an'
+he wor soa takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry,
+an' it wornt until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a
+maath. It wor strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see
+awm leearnin French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa,
+"When yo're i' Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant
+think at th' ale is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled
+on until we saw summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we
+made for that. Aw thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for
+some famous chap to goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an'
+shooldered mi umberel an' walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it
+wor noa use jfor we had to pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot!
+It wor unlike owt awd ivver seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat
+fairy land, but fairy land wor a fooil to it--faantens an' flaars an'
+coloured lamps ivverywhear an' ith' middle on it all wor a stage for
+doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we wor lukkin at it a chap comes up
+an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life.
+"Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm blessed if aw can tell whear aw've
+met thi befoor," an' he held aght his hand to shake hands wi him an'
+as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved him a ticket into it an' stood
+waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear, soa aw tuk one an' gave
+th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw at they wer nobbut
+programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up, th' doncin stage
+wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young wimmen aw ivver
+saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt but angels,) an'
+ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy an' me wor ith'
+front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver forget, but one
+such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe th' pen's been
+made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor like. It wor
+indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin an' attempt
+at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes an'
+played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
+em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an'
+wimmen, some on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,--young, an'
+innocent;--will ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net.
+An' soa that's what all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an'
+temples is for. A glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels
+to hide a festerin sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck;
+an' bi that means to thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an'
+seek for admiration, an' applause for that which makes ivvery drop o'
+virtuous blooid i' yor body stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th'
+inmost chamber o' yor heart to mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister,
+Modesty.
+
+We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,)
+an' then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut
+th' middle word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat
+thear we pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to,
+for we wor just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho'
+aw dreamt a gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha
+liked em, for all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as
+aw could to get aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi
+th' pooaker i' one hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother
+to blow me up, an' fowk a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh
+heeld booits, silk stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw
+wor thankful to find at aw wor at a safe distance throo em all, an'
+especially Mally. But ther wor a fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam
+to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw could reight reckon it up, but when
+aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if
+ther'd been a whut cinder under me an' flew to see what wor to do. It
+wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw had'nt, one o' them two wod ha
+been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha been Billy. Nah, awve monny
+a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage ther is in a pair o' booits
+an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met a brave man when in his
+shirt an nowt else--let a chap have his booits an' his britches on, an'
+he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent throo his heead or his heart,
+but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit an' run th' risk o' havin'
+ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght o' th' arms o' Morpheus,
+aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate into th' next hoil an'
+went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an' another chap, aw lukt
+varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha lukt like at my age if
+they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've allusseen him pictured in
+as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one Englishman is equal to
+two Frenchmen at ony time--but like a lot moor o' th' old sayins it
+isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can bother a couple o'
+Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an' this happened to
+be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us booath if he'd
+takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he left Billy an'
+stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt aght for a
+chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that settled him.
+If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf as helpless,
+as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call it ovver
+coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi it,)
+hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off Billy's
+bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin' sheet;
+but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
+shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
+makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap
+he wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does
+ta think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
+muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened
+up he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets,
+an' when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away
+as mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest
+to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo shaated
+an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo
+wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked
+aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another
+'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy
+ith' mornin."
+
+[Illustration: 0061]
+
+
+DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9061]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored
+up pleasant memories an fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th furst time sin
+he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid clothes early in the morning
+an' brush them and bring them back, he's the valet de chambre.
+
+"Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi
+own haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus,
+an' he'd nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich
+obleeged to yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen
+espescially, an' then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an'
+donned awst be ready to answer for it."
+
+"Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
+
+"Happen net,--but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
+turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin
+a bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a
+couple o' cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor
+to be sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been
+a cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman
+wi a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
+nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
+ha done for his braik-fast.
+
+Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle
+just to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a
+handful o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk
+aght one france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a
+sodger, an' he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin
+an' makkin bows an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.--Thinks aw, a
+little brass gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two
+chaps at hooam, one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended
+that for em booath.
+
+We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began
+to plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after
+starin at me for a minit, he gave me a letter--When aw saw th' envelop
+aw did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally
+an' shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at
+Sammywell Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood
+bi forriners, shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i'
+Lundun," an' pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
+
+"Public Haase,
+
+Payris."
+
+[Illustration: 0064]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V. VENDREDI.
+
+MALLY'S LETTER.
+
+Deer Sammywell.
+
+If tha doesnt get this letter be sewer an' rite to let me know as awm
+nooan fond o' wastin mi time penkin ower a piece a papper all for nowt
+an' if tha does get it tha need'nt bother to let me know for awm ommost
+at mi wits end an' fowks cryin shame on thi for leeavin me as tha does
+an' aw've had nowt to ait nobbut a cup o' teah sin tha left except a
+beefsteak an' a box o' pills an' ha they'll do for me aw connot tell yet
+but awl let thi know next letter an' tha mun tell me iwerything tha does
+an' says for awve had a nasty dream abaat thi an' aw fancied tha wor
+an' angel an' aw dooant want thi to fly away an' leeav me befoor tha's
+settled thi club'at should o' been paid last wick an' awr Hepsaba says
+at they'll happen present thi wi a legion o' horror an' if they do aw
+want thi to leeav it behind for we've lots o' flaysom stuff here already
+an' black clocks creeps abaat wi as mich cheek as if it wor them at paid
+th' rent an' we're swarmin wi flees noa moor at present soa tak care
+o' thi umberel an' be careful for tha knows what aw meean for tha'rt
+a gronfather an aw believe awr Hepsaba's child is gooin to have th'
+meeasles wi kind love noa moor at present Billy's mother is ommost ranty
+abaat him for th' last brewin is soa waik wol it will'nt run aght o' th'
+barrel an soa noa moor at present--=
+
+```A'a Sammywell ha can ta fashun
+
+```To leav thi wife i' this here fashion
+
+```When tha owt to be at hooam mindin thi wark.
+
+```But aw believe tha wor nivver fond o' wark.=
+
+Nah tha sees aw can rite as weel as thee an' if ther isnt as mich poetry
+in it thers a deeal moor sense in it nor ther is ith' mooast o' thine
+soa noa moor at present An' aw remane
+
+Thi lawful wife an' dooant forget it
+
+Mally Grimes.
+
+A'a! shoos th' same old lass as ivver shoo wor an' wi all her faults aw
+love her still. "Nah Billy, whear are we to steer to to-day? What says
+ta if we goa an' have a luk at th' Tuileries for they tell me at its a
+grand spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it! Aw wish we wor gooin back hooam for aw call this
+a waste o' booath time an' brass."
+
+"Oh, tha'll begin to enjoy thisen nah an' awm sewer tha luks better an'
+aw hav'nt heeard thi say owt abaat bein bilious sin yesterdy mornin."
+
+"Bilious! Who th' duce does ta think can be bilious in a country like
+this? Ther's nowt to get bilious on!"
+
+"Awm sewar tha's seemd to enjoy thisen as far as aitin an' drinkin's
+consarned, happen tha'd like a bottle o' ale befoor we start off?"
+
+"Nay aw want noa ale. Aw dooant fancy it here th' same as when awm
+at hooam. Aw wonder ha mi poor mother's gettin on. Ther's that three
+quarters o' malt, an' here am aw payin soa mich a day for hallockin mi
+time away dooin nowt; but let's start off for if ther's owt to see we
+may as weel be lukkin."
+
+It wor a grand mornin, th' sky wor a breeter blue nor awd ivver seen it
+an' as we walked on th' river side all wor gay an' bustlin, an' th' air
+wor soa pure an' sweet wol it made us booath feel leeter, an' altho' it
+wor varry whut it did'nt seem to weary us. Th' Tooileries, (yo can buy
+a pictur on em for a penny,) aw shall'nt forget em in a hurry, we walked
+raand em but it ud ha killed th' best pairt ov a day to ha done em
+justice, pairt on em wor still standin up, blackened ruins, a monument
+grim an' ghastly to testify to th' blind fury ov a lot o' misguided
+fanatics at had escaped aght o' th' harness ov law's authority, an' to
+gratify ther unreasonin desires for destruction, wrecked beauties, at
+nawther ther brains nor ther purses had ever helpt to raise, an' left
+as a legacy to others, th' cost an' th' labor to patch up, an' as far as
+can be, replace what their senseless rage had destroyed, an' to try to
+blot aght th' black stain,'at an' insane mob had left on the blooid red
+page ov th' darkest day throo which fair France has passed.
+
+We went throo th' Louvre next, an' if Payris could booast nowt else it
+could still hold up its heead an' be praad;--even Billy wor varry quiet
+as we went throo one gallery after another, an' aw must confess'at aw
+wornt sooary when we gate aght for ther wor soa mich to dazzle one wol
+th' pleasur wor painful. Just as we turned th' corner, Billy clapt his
+hand o' mi shoolder an' browt us booath to a deead stand--"Sithee! by
+gum! did ta ivver see sich a oonion as that i' thi life?"
+
+Aw lukt, an' reight enuff it wor a queer object at wor anent us, an'
+it did'nt luk mich unlike a monster oonion th' wrang end up, an' as it
+sway'd throo side to side it lukt like th' dome o' St. Paul's on th'
+rant, "Why," aw says, "that's th' baloon! What says ta if we have a
+ride?"
+
+"Whear too?"
+
+"Up ith' air an' daan agean."
+
+"But what better shall we be when we get daan agean?"
+
+"When we goa up we shall be able to see all ovver Payris at once, an'
+it'll be a grand seet."
+
+"Will it!--Well if tha thinks awve come here to mak as big a fooil o'
+misen as tha art, thart mistakken if tha wants to goa sky-larkin tha
+can goa, but if awve ony larks awl have em o' th' graand."
+
+"Well, Billy, aw nivver thowt tha'd be flaid ov a bit ov a thing like
+that, aw gave thi credit for moor pluck."
+
+"Pluck! does ta think at aw've kept a aleus at th' moorend all theas
+years withaat pluck? Ther's moor pluck i' my little finger nor ther is
+ith' whooal carcase ov a played-aght-old-poverty-knocker like thee, an'
+if aw tak a fancy to goa up to th' mooin, aw shall goa!"
+
+We'd to pay a franc to get into th' square whear it wor, an' then it wor
+20 francs to have a ride, "ray-ther a heigh price," aw sed to Billy.
+
+"Well its happen a heigh journey," he sed, "but awst want to have a
+gooid luk at it befoor aw ventur, net at aw care owt abaat it whether
+its safe or net, but just to see ha its contrived for commin daan. Well,
+aw do wonder what they'll do next! ther's engines here big enuff to work
+a factory, an' a rooap thick enuff to tug th' Great Eastern an' as mich
+clooath used to mak that gurt bag as ud ha supplied ivvery poor body i'
+Payris wi a new suit, an' as mich gas to fill it as ud sarve my aleus
+for aw dooant know ha long; an' ther's as monny sailors to attend to it,
+as John de Morgan can find sixpences ith' collectin' box, an' its all
+for what? Nowt i' this world but to suit a lot o' strackle-brained
+fooils at'll be just as wise, or less, after they've come daan as they
+wor befoor they went up."
+
+But i' spite o' all he had to say he meant gooin up, aw could see; net
+at he wanted, an' net becoss he'd noa fear abaat it, but just on accaant
+o' me havin spokken as aw did, an' rayther nor be thowt to be short o'
+pluck, he'd ha gooan up if he'd felt sewer he'd nivver ha come, daan.
+Aw cant say'at aw felt varry mich up on it, but aw wornt gooin to give
+Billy th' chonce to crow ovver me, soa we went to th' little office an
+bowt a ticket apiece an' wor sooin stood up amang a scoor moor in a big
+raand mahogny tub'at they called a car. Th' time coom for us to be off
+an' after as mich bustle an' shaatin as if we wor gooin to th' north
+powl, th' captain,--(Aw suppooas he'd be a captain;)--sed, "Now we're
+off!" in as plain English as aw ivver heeard. But aw did'nt see'at we
+wor gooin up at all, for we did'nt seem to stir, but when Billy lukt
+ovver th' edge he turned to me an' says, "E'e'gow! lad, th' world's
+tummelin!" An' that wor just like what it seemed like, for asteead o' us
+seemin to be leeavin th' world, th' world seemed to be leeavin us.
+
+Well, it wor a wonderful seet reight enuff; but when we'd getten to th'
+end ov th' journey, an had mustered courage enuff to have a gooid stare
+raand, Payris nobbut lukt a littlish spot compared wi all we could see
+beyond it. A chap'at acted as guide gave a lectur, an' pointed aght
+ivverything worth noatice, but as it wor all i' French it wor Dutch to
+Billy an' me. We coom daan as gently as we'd gooan up, an' aw fancied
+at we all seemed in a bigger hurry to get aght nor we'd been to get
+in--When we stud once agean o' solid graand Billy stamped on it to mak
+sewer at it did'nt shake an' findin it as firm as usual he turned to me,
+"Well, what does ta think on it?"
+
+"Why, awm glad we've been up," aw sed, "for it 'll be summat for us to
+tawk abaat."
+
+"Eeah, but awm glad we've come daan, for if we had'nt ther'd ha been
+summat moor to tawk abaat, an' ony chap at'll goa up i' that consarn
+aboon once, unless he's weel paid for it, owt to stop up. Sup-pooas th'
+rooaps had brokken whear should we ha stopt thinks ta? Happen ha gooan
+up an' up wol we'd struck bang agean th' top an' had to stick thear!
+It's what aw call flyin ith' face o' Providence an' its a thing'at owt
+to be stopt."
+
+"Whear shall we goa next; suppooas we try Notter dame."
+
+"Try who tha likes if they sell a daycent article."
+
+"Aw wornt meeanin owt to ait an' drink, aw meant a famous church'at ther
+is."
+
+"Suit thisen, but awst nooan caar long to hear th' New Testyment made a
+fooil on."
+
+We walked daan th' river side an' grand it wor--th' watter is a deeal
+cleaner nor th' Thames, but th' river's varry narrow an' ther's bridges
+ivvery few yards. Th' steeam booats wor full o' gaily dressed men an'
+women, an' music wor playin, an scoars 0' little booats wor skimmin
+along; all lukt lively an' fowk seemed happy. At ivvery convenient spot
+ther wor men fishing wi ther long rods, an' lollin ith' sun watchin th'
+bit o' cork bob up an' daan ith' watter; an' aw may as weel mention it
+here; aw saw th' same chaps ivvery day ith' same spots, sometimes early
+ith' mornin, sometimes when it wor ommost to dark to see, noa matter
+whativver time aw passed they wor at ther old pooasts. Judgin bi ther
+dress they wornt fishin for a livin, an' after lukkin at ther baskets
+an' nivver bein able to see at one on em had getten owt, aw made it aght
+at they must be fishin for enjoyment, an' aw hooap they catched it.
+Wol aw wor takken up wi watchin'em Billy wor tryin to mak aght what
+wor gooin on o' th' other side. "Sithee, Sammy! What's all yond; wimmen
+reckonin to be dooin? Are they weshin'?"
+
+He'd guessed reight, an' thear they wor in a long shed at seemed to
+be fit up wi ivverything they wanted, soa far as we could see at that
+distance, an' they wor splashin an' brayin an' stampin an' tawkin as
+if ther lives depended o' which could mak th' mooast ov a slop an' th'
+biggest din. As we went walkin on, one o' th' seets at lukt to us mooast
+strange, wor th' number o' men walkin abaat i' black petticoits an'
+brooad brimmed hats. If a chaps face is an index to his karracter,
+as some fowk say it is, th' fewer o' th' priests, sich as we met, an'
+th'better for th' country aw should think. Aw dooant want to say owt to
+offend onybody, but to be truthful awm foorced to say 'at aw pivver saw
+sich a lot o' ill favvord fowk i' mi life, an' if Madam Tooswords wants
+to add another chamber o' horrors to her show shoo could'nt do better
+nor get th' casts o' some o' their mugs. Ther's noa likelihood o'
+ony wolves destroyin ony o' their flocks, soa long as they've sich
+scarecrows for shepherds. Still they seemed a jolly lot, but just as we
+gate to th' Cathedral a oppen cab drives up, wi a priest in it i' full
+cannonicals, white lawn sleeves an' all to booit; but th' seet on it
+knocked th' wind aght 0' booath Billy an' me.--Aw dooant say'at what we
+saw wor wrang--aw say at it did'nt luk reight to us--for he wor lollin'
+back ith' cab, dressed as awve tell'd yo, withaat hat, an' smokin a
+short public haase clay pipe--It saands strange to yo awve noa daat, but
+its true, an' when he jumpt aght, he lifted up his petticoit an' pooled
+some paper aght ov his pocket, an' stuffed some into th' pipe heead,
+put it in his pocket, spit onto th' porch ov a temple erected for th'
+holiest o' purposes, an' makkin some mooation at aw did'nt understand,
+he walked in, aw hooap wi motives purer nor his clooas or his breeath
+wor likely to be. At ivvery corner at yo'd to pass, wor a woman kneelin
+on a cheer, an' dressed to luk as solemn as a mute at a funeral, an' to
+render as ugly as possible, faces an' forms'at God had made beautiful;
+an' they'd each on 'em a bag i' ther hand wi a few coppers in it, an'
+they shook'em as yo went past. Aw did drop a copper into one but Billy
+wod'nt, for he sed if they wanted to cadge let'em goa aght into th'
+street an' cadge reight. He'd hardly getten th' words aght ov his maath
+when he sprang back an' planted his heavy booit fair at top ov a corn at
+awve been nursin for th' thick end o' thirty year, an' made me exhibit
+a one-legged performance at wor somewhat aght o' place just then, but
+Billy wor too mad to tak ony noatice, an' wor havin a row wi a long
+lank wizzened carcase an' face at belanged to a woman at stood behind
+a little table, an' had a little besom in her hand, but when Billy axed
+her what shoo'd done that for? shoo held up a bag wi some moor coppers
+in an' shook it at him grinnin at him like a monkey. "What's to do?" aw
+ax'd for it wornt a place to kick up a disturbance in--"Shoo's slarted
+me all ovver mi face wi watter aght o' that besom."
+
+"Tak noa noatice," aw sed, "it's a practice they have i' this country to
+sprinkle fowk wi what they call holy watter;--ha mich did ta pay her for
+it?"
+
+"Pay her! does ta think aw've gooan cleean of th' side?"
+
+"Well, if tha hasnt paid her owt tha's lost nowt an' tha sees shoo has
+lost her watter, an' her trouble."
+
+Th' watter will'nt matter much for shoo'll be able to mak some moor as
+sooin as that's done, an' as for th' trouble,--if awd had her aghtside
+awd ha gein her trouble. But Sammy, is this a church or is it some
+sooart ov a bazaar? Sithee, thers a woman thear sellin candles, an'
+another little picturs an' gimcracks, aw did'nt know they allaad fowk to
+sell stuff in a church. "What's yond chap dooin." We went to see, an' he
+wor tawkin away at a gate an' as fowk went in he handed em a ticket for
+which they paid. We follered an' he gave us each a ticket for 50c. an'
+we went to see th' wonders o' th' Treasury, as it wor called. Aw quite
+agree wi Billy'at it wor a sell, for ther wor little to see, an' that
+little not near as well worth seein as ony silversmiths shop winder. We
+did'nt stop long thear, but we had a long stroll throw th' buildin, an'
+it is a wonder--its a whoal mass o' beauties--an' someha it has'nt soa
+mich ov a luk ov a gravestooan makkers show raam, as awr St. Paul's an'
+Westminster Abbey--but one thing spoilt it all to me, for it seemed
+to sarve noa purpose nobbut money makkin, an' aw wonderd if th' time
+ud ivver come when another Man should mak a scourge an' drive aght th'
+desecraters ov His Father's temple--It's ommost time!
+
+When we left that grand old pile, we crossed a street an' entered a
+buildin whear daily can be seen th' mooast sorrowful an' sickenin seet
+i' Paris. Aw meean th' Morgue. When th' remembrance ov ivvery other
+seet has faded, that'll still be fresh. It will'nt be rubbed aght an'
+yo connot blot it aght, aw wish aw could. Billy gave one glance
+raand--"Aw'll wait for thi aghtside," he sed, an' he wod'nt ha had long
+to wait if it had'nt been'at aw felt it a sooart ov a duty to see all at
+wor to be seen. It wor a scorchin hot day aghtside, but as sooin as yo
+entered this bare comfortless lukkin place, yo felt a chill creep all
+ovver yo. Why it is'at places intended to contain objects soa repulsive
+should be contrived i' sich a way as to add to th' painfulness o' th'
+Exhibition aw could nivver tell; but soa it is. Even i' Payris, whear
+glass an' glitter meets yo at ivvery turn, an' ornamentation runs wild
+ovver ivverything, recent or ruined, they could'nt spare one solitary
+touch to soften an' subdue soa agonizin a show--But th' place wor full
+o' fowk an' 'at ther wor summat moor nor common aw could guess. Inside a
+big glass screen, like th' winder ov a fish shop, wor a big braan stooan
+slab wi watter tricklin ovver it, an' on it wor laid three bodies'at had
+been pickt aght o' th' river; one a man, but aw will'nt say owt abaat
+it--it wor too fearful for me to try to paint it--one wor a bonny little
+lad abaat four years old, weel nourished, an' ivvery thing it had on
+throo its shoes to its hat showed ha praad sombody had been on it--My
+heart ached as aw thowt o' that poor mother at wor somwhear lamentin'
+her loss, an' yet buildin up hooaps at one glance at that little face
+wod settle for ivver--But it wor th' third, raand which th' craad wor
+clusterin;--it wor that ov a young woman, beautiful i' booath face an'
+form--soa beautiful'at it wor hard to believe her deead. What could
+have caused her put an end to a life'at had hardly fully blossomed into
+womanhood? It could'nt be poverty, for th' jewels still on her small
+white hands, wod ha beep enough to ha warded off want for a long time;
+'er whole dress showed signs ov wealth an' extravagance. Aw could nobbut
+wonder an' feel sad an' repeat=
+
+````"Has she a Father?
+
+````Has she a mother?
+
+````Has she a sister?
+
+````Has she a brother?
+
+````Or is there a nearer one
+
+````Still, and a dearer one?"=
+
+It lukt hard to see one soa young an' fair laid o' that weet stooan,
+past all help--One could but sigh an' walk away=
+
+````"Admitting her weakness,
+
+`````Her evil behaviour;
+
+````But leaving with meekness,
+
+`````Her sins to her Saviour."=
+
+When aw joined Billy agean aw wor startin to tell him all abaat
+it--"Shut up!" he sed, "aw saw quite enuff, an' aw want to hear nowt
+noa moor abaat it. If it suits thee to goa maunderin abaat seekin' foi
+sorrow, it doesnt me. Aw want summat to ait, an' it'll have to be summat
+substantial, soa leead th' way into th' furst place tha comes to at tha
+thinks gradely."
+
+We kept walkin on, an' havin soa mich to luk at, we went a long way
+withaat callin, but at last aw sed, "Wod ta like a plain sooart ov a
+shop or mun we goa to a showy spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whether its plain or net if ther's summat fit to
+feed a true born Englishman throo Yorksher, but tha'll ha thi wark set
+to find a place here'at isnt showy--in fact as far as aw can judge, it's
+moor show nor owt else i' this blessed country; th' Exhibition is a
+big show--th' baloon's another show--yond doncin demons wor a show--th'
+churches are turned into shows--ther deead haase is a show--ther
+buildins are stuck up an' bedizened wi gingerbreead an' gilt, all for
+show--th' men an' wimmen are all shuffle an' show--an' sithee here! awm
+blowed if ther isnt a church steeple stuck up for a show! Well, that's
+a rum en! Aw've monny a time seen a church baat steeple but this is th'
+furst time aw ivver saw a steeple baat church!"
+
+"Its true what tha says, an' a grand monument it maks ith' middle o'
+this square. It luks weel doesnt it?"
+
+"Luks! aw care nowt abaat ha it luks! What is it for? That's what aw
+want to know! What's th' use o' fillin up a place wi stuff at's o' noa
+use nobbut to be lukt at?"
+
+"They'll nivver stick thee up to be lukt at, for tha am't hansom enuff,
+soa tha need'nt freeat!" aw says, for aw felt a bit nettled.
+
+"Noa, aw dooant hardly think they will, an' aw should fancy they havnt
+been to ax thee yet, have they? Aw think my turn'll be abaat th' next
+after thine."
+
+Aw did'nt answer him back, for a varry gooid reason; as long as a chap
+tawks sense awl tawk to him, but as sooin as he maks a fooil ov hissen
+aw've done.
+
+"Nah then, will this shop suit thi?" aw sed, as aw stopt anent a
+resteraunt door.
+
+"If its fit for a littleary chap like tha reckons to be, it should be
+gooid enuff for a chap at keeps a aleus at th' moor end."
+
+"If tha thinks tha can get my monkey up wi mak-kin a desplay o' thi own
+stupid ignorance tha'rt varry much mistakken! for awl nawther be put
+aght o' temper wi thee nor a man twice as gooid! an' if tha'rt anxious
+to be shut o' mi cumpny, aw think awst be able to spare thine!" an' aw
+walked on leavin him to suit hissen whether he follerd me or net. Aw
+went to th' end o' th' street an' wor just enterin another square wi
+another big monument ith' middle, when aw turned raand to see if he wor
+comin, an' just as aw did soa aw felt as if a cannon ball had landed o'
+mi stummack. A potbellyed Frenchman, donned i' red britches, an' a black
+coit an' a white appron teed raand him baanced abaat a yard off on me
+an' began tawkin an' shruggin his shoolders an' poolin his face into all
+sooarts o' shaps--nah it ud ha been better for him if he wor anxious
+to mak mi acquaintance, to ha chosen another time--Aw did'nt loise mi
+temper, coss awd made up mi mind'at aw wod'nt, but aw just gave him
+one for his nob'at sent him spinnin like a castle top, an' his hat flew
+monny a yard, an' aw stood ready to give him another o' th' same sooart
+if he thowt it worth his while to fotch it, but he did'nt, an' varry
+sooin two or three gethered raand us an' lukt as if they meant mischief
+to me, but aw kept cooil--aw wor detarmined aw wod'nt be put aght o'
+temper; an' aw seized hold o' mi umberel an' aw just felt as if aw could
+fettle abaat a duzzen on em--or two duzzen for th' matter o' that,--its
+cappin what a chap fancies he can do if he nobbut keeps cooil.--Just
+then Billy coom up an' th' Frenchman went up to him an' aw suppooas
+bi th' way he kept pointin to me, he wor tryin to explain matters, an'
+although Billy could'nt tell a word he sed he seemed to understand what
+he meant, an' he sed to me, "come on Sammy, awve ordered steaks an'
+puttates for two, an' another bottle o' red ink. Tha's nowt to be feeard
+on, it'll be all reight."
+
+"Feeard on! ther's nowt aw am feeard on! Aw shuddent be feeard o' thee
+if tha wor twice as big as tha art, aw can tell thi that mich! Tha's
+been tryin all tha knows this mornin to mak me loise mi temper, but
+tha'rt suckt, for it'll tak a better man nor thee!"
+
+"Well, aw dooant think tha has lost it, Sammy, it'd be a gooid job if
+tha had, an aw should pity th' chap at fun it, but ther's a treat for
+thi; tha could'nt ha pickt aght a better shop nor this if tha'd gooan
+all throo Payris, for ther's a stooan mason throo Manchester gettin his
+dinner, an' he can tawk awther French or English, an' he's knockt off
+wark for th' day, an' he's willing to show us raand."
+
+This wor gooid news an' it made me feel--(not better tempered, becoss
+awd nivver been aght o' temper, tho' Billy swears to this day at aw wor
+as mad as a wasp, but then he's a poor judge o' human natur is Billy;)
+but it made me feel moor,--well, moor,--aw hardly know what to say, but
+yo'll know what aw meean, for awve noa daat yo've felt that way yorsen.
+When we gate in, he wor as pleeased to see us as we wor to see him,
+an' he sooin made th' Frenchman, (who turned aght to be th' maister)
+understand ha things stood, an' then he shuk hands wi me an' bowed, an'
+sed summat; an' th' mason tell'd me at he wor sayin 'he wor varry sooary
+if he'd hurt me, an' hooaped aw should forgie him;' "Ov coorse," aw sed,
+"tell him awm one'at nivver bears malice, an' at he mun thank his stars
+he met me when he did, for if aw had'nt happened to be i' th' best
+humour ith' world, aw should ha fettled his nop for him."
+
+"Eeah, friend, be sewer an' tell him that for it'll happen saand moor
+like trewth i' French nor it does i' English--" Th' steaks happenin to
+come in just at that time put an' end to th' tawk, an' it wornt long
+befoor we put an end to th' steak. Then they browt us a big dish o'
+fruits--grapes an' plums an' apples an' peaches, an' we had a reight
+tuck in. "Aw dooant think aw've etten as mich crash sin aw wor a lad,"
+aw sed, an' Billy sed he wor sewer he had'nt, an' he'd noa idea it wor
+as gooid as it wor!
+
+"Well," th' mason sed, "that is owing to the climate, you would'nt enjoy
+the same things as well at home--I get fruit for breakfast. I dont think
+you drank much claret when you was at home."
+
+"Awm sewer we did'nt," sed Billy, "for aw supt nowt but ale, an' nah aw
+hardly feel to care for it. But aw dooant think ale's as gooid here as
+it is at hooam."
+
+"It ought to be for it comes from the best English breweries, but look
+at these workmen gettin their dinners, they look a fine set of men."
+
+An' they did, an' Billy an' me did watch em, as aw began wonderin
+whether or net it wor true, at English fowk had all th' sense ith'
+world. Its worth while givin an' accaant o' their dinner, for this book
+will noa daat fall into th' hands o' monny a workin' chap at's apt to
+grummel even if he has to put up wi a beefsteak at hasnt come off th'
+steak booan, an' it may do him noa harm to know ha other fowk live.
+
+One bottle o' claret, for which they paid a franc--a looaf, abaat a
+yard long, an' abaat as thick as mi arm, for which they paid half a
+franc--a jug o' cold watter an' three tumbler glasses. Aw wonder
+what three stooan masons at hooam wod ha made aght o' that for ther
+dinner--fifteen pence wor all it cost for three on em. They each hawf
+filled ther glass wi wine, then filled it up wi watter, an' then divided
+th' looaf into three, an' each takkin a fooit on it, they pooled pieces
+off an dipped it into ther wine an' watter an ate it wi a relish.
+"Sewerly," aw sed, "tha doesnt mean to say at that's all they'll ha to
+ther dinner."
+
+"But it is, and what may surprise you to know is that breakfast and
+supper only differ by the addition of fruit or some simple vegetable,
+and yet they can work for twelve hours a day, and they dont look bad."
+
+"They're three o' th' finest chaps aw've seen sin aw coom into Payris," aw
+sed, "but aw should think they'll hardly be able to do as mich wark as
+Englishmen?"
+
+"Well, its generally thought so, but my experience is that they do--They
+never break any time--I have been here nearly two years and have over
+two hundred men under me--and there has never one lost a day through
+drink since I came."
+
+"Well, its cappin isn't it Billy? one could hardly ha believed it if
+they had'nt seen it. What wod English masons think if they'd to be stopt
+off ther beef an ale?"
+
+"Nay, its flaysome to think on, it maks me low spirited,--let's sup off
+an' be gooin--its as ill as th' deead haase is this."
+
+[Illustration: 0081]
+
+[Illustration: 0084]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES.
+
+[Illustration: 9084]
+
+ETER,--that wor th' name'at this stooan mason had been kursened,--agreed
+to spend th' rest o' th' afternooin an' neet wi us, an' show us what he
+could. Aw had'nt forgetten seein th' monument at th' time awd had a dust
+wi th' Frenchman, an' soa aw propooased we should goa thear furst, an'
+we did--at th' furst seet it reminded me o' th' monument o' London, but
+it proved to be summat far hansomer, for it wor th' Vendome column. Awd
+read abaat it befoor an' knew all abaat th' silly lumpheeads'at spent
+days o' labor to pool it daan, as if bi destroyin that they could blot
+aght th' memory o' th' man it wor raised to honor; whearas if it wor
+possible to sweep ivvery stick an stooan'at forms ther splendid city,
+off th' face o' th' eearth, an' leeav nowt but a barran tract o' land
+in its place, noa pilgrim wanderin ovver it but what wod find his thowts
+circlin raand th' memory ov Napoleon. All honour to them, who while
+strivin to wrest an empire from his successor's grasp, raised once agean
+this monument to his fame.
+
+It ud be wearisome if awd to attempt to describe all th' grand
+buildings, statys, faantens an' churches'at we passed--Peter wor
+ivvedently at hooam, an' could show us moor i' hauf a day nor we should
+ha seen in a wick--Just a passing word abaat one an' then awl leeav
+writin abaat what yo can read abaat i' scoors o' books beside this, an'
+give an idea or two abaat things'at other writers awther havnt seen or
+darnt tell. La Madaleine,--that's th' name ov a church--but it does'nt
+luk a bit like a church, its far moor like St. George's Hall at
+Liverpool, but ther's summat far grander abaat it. It wor oppen free,
+an' we went in. Inside it lukt as Billy sed, 'far moor like a gurt
+cungerin show nor a church,' but ther wor noa mistak abaat its beauty.
+Ther wor a gooid lot o' fowk in, mooastly strangers like ussen, but here
+an' thear wor one'at seemed to have moor serious business on hand.
+Unless ther's moor virtue in a candle nor aw think ther is, ther's a
+fearful waste o' wax gooas on i' that spot, for ther wor scoors burnin,
+net to give leet, that awm certain.--Peter sed it wor a custom wi em to
+burn a lot o' candles after th' deeath o' onybody, soa as to leet ther
+soul into th' next world,--aw dooant think it does ony harm, an' if it
+satisfies em, its as weel to say nowt abaat it, but when my time comes
+aw hooap ther'll be a breeter way to show me th' rooad nor what them
+candles seemed to give. Although they let yo in for nowt, yo'd hard wark
+to get aght withaat payin summat, but we did manage it, an' felt better
+suited wi ussen,--net'at we wor too meean to pairt wi a copper or two
+for th' seet wor worth it, but becoss we did'nt agree wi th' principle
+on it.
+
+Another wonder worth mentionin, is th' New Grand Opera House, but altho'
+it did cost a million paands sterlin it ud be as mich as mi heead wor
+worth, if awd to say at it wor owt fit to be compared wi th' New Grand
+Opera house they've built i' Leeds, becoss ther nivver wor sich a place
+as that, accordin to all accaants, an' if th' architect should ivver
+'shuffle off this mortal coil,' aw hooap they'll put him in a bottle,
+an' set him up ith' Philosophical Museum as a new curiosity, for ther's
+nivver been owt fresh put in sin aw wor a lad, an' that's a year or two
+sin--th' last time aw wor thear aw thowt th' mumny lukt fair looansome.
+It's a pity at th' Grand Opera Haase i' Payris doesnt pay, but what it
+falls short, th' government maks up, an' its to be hooaped'at if th'
+Leeds "Grand" does'nt pay'at th' Corporation'll suppooart it aght o' th'
+rates--for awm gien to understand at it wor nivver built wi th' idea o'
+makkin a profit aght on it, but nobbut to elevate th' public taste, tho'
+they tak gooid care'at yo get noa taste 0' th' elevation unless yo
+pay to go in. When aw read th' Leeds Mercury, (aw allusread all th'
+theatrical news i' their paper,) an' saw all they had to say abaat it,
+it reminded me ov a chap aw knew'at lived at Halifax, an' when ivver
+ony friend called to see him, he used to delight i' marchin em abaat
+th' taan to show em th' wonders, (an' ther is some wonders i' Halifax,
+ther's noa denyin that;--an' to me th' biggest wonder ov all is at th'
+taan's thear at all,) but he allusfinished off wi takkin em daan bi
+th' old church to have a luk at Beacon Hill--"Nah then," he'd say, "what
+does ta think abaat that for a hill? Th' sun has his wark to get ovver
+that i' daycent time in a mornin tha can bet!" An' if th' chap he's
+showin it too should happen to say'at 'he'd seen hills ten times as
+big,' he'd shak his heead an' say--"Awve heeard fowk tawk like that
+befoor; but it's th' biggest hill awve ivver seen, an' it'll be time
+enuff for me to believe ther's a bigger when aw find one; but inasmich
+as he's nivver been monny yards away throo hooam he believes'at Beacon
+hill is th' biggest hill yet."
+
+Peter propooased nah at we should have a carriage as it ud help us to
+see a varry deeal moor nor we should be able to do, if we depended o'
+shanks gallowy, soa we agreed, an' wor sooin seeated be-hund a pair o'
+spankin greys--"Cannot yo drive us to some brewery?" sed Billy, "aw mak
+nowt o' com-min here unless aw can leearn summat."
+
+"There are breweries here, plenty of them, but not the class you want
+to see, they call them Brasseries, but they are in reality places for
+drinking beer, and not for making it."
+
+"Well, neer heed, lets goa, for aw should feel shamed o' misen if awd
+to goa back hooam withaat leearnin summat abaat th' trade, an' when awm
+called on at th' next annywel vitlers dinner, to mak a speech, it'll
+nooan mak a bad start to say 'th' last time'at aw wor i' Payris &c.,'
+an' it'll mak some on em oppen ther een'at fancies coss a chap lives at
+th' moor end'at he's foorced to be a fooil. Aw wor allusov an enquirin
+turn o' mind Mr. Peter, an' ther's Sammy thear, he luks as big a cauf
+heead as yo'll meet wi in a day's march, but them at taks him for a
+fooil mak a mistak, aw should nooan ha browt him wi me on a journey like
+this if aw had'nt thowt summat abaat him."
+
+"Aw did'nt know'at tha had browt me," aw sed, "it wor me'at axd thee to
+coom if aw ammot mich mistakken.",
+
+"Awm nooan baan to fratch abaat it mun, if tha says a thing tha'll stick
+to it aw know that, an' if ther's ony credit tha'll awther have it or
+swelt--but aw wonder whear tha'd ha been if it had'nt been for me--tha'd
+ha been lockt up for riteous conduct ith' street Mr. Peter knows that;
+by th' heart! but this is a queer lukkin neighborhooid yo're takken us
+into--Aw dooant like th' luk o' some o' theas fowk--aw nivver saw sich
+a cutthroit lukkin lot i' mi life! Awm nooan soa varry particular abaat
+gooin to see th' breweries; if yo think ther's ony danger, let's goa
+back;--net at it matters for me for awm a single chap, but Sammy's left
+a wife at hooam an' its her awm thinkin on."
+
+"Thee think o' thisen an' thi mother, an' leeav Mally to me--but if
+tha'rt beginnin to duff tha'd better get aght an leeav it to Peter an'
+Sammywell! if it worn't for thi age and respect aw have for thi family
+awd pitch thi cleean aght o' th' cab! Duffin! nah Mr. Peter awl put it
+to yo do yo think its likely,'at a chap what's kept a beer-haase at th'
+moorend all th' years'at awve done, whear thers been as monny as three
+or four rows in a wick, some wicks;--tho' aw alluskept a orderly haase,
+perleece'll tell yo soa if yo ax em,--an aw've seen chaps brayin one
+another to bits ommost, an awve nivver stirred aght o' mi cheer,--nah,
+do yo think aw should be likely to duff?"
+
+"Your courage will not be called into requisition, so you need not be at
+all alarmed. This leads us to the Quartier Latin, let us get down here
+and try this."
+
+It wor commin dusk an th' lamps wor bein leeted ith' streets, but inside
+all wor a blaze wi leet. It wor a big, rayther low raam, gay wi gold
+an colours an lukken glasses, an supported with a lot o' thin pillars
+covered up hawfway wi crimson velvet--seeats covered wi th' same stuff
+went all raand th' sides an' th' floor wor covered wi little marble
+tables, an stooils wi velvet tops, an altogether, th' place lukt varry
+grand an hardly seemed suitable for th' company at wor thear, for altho'
+they didn't luk like workin men, ther wor an untidy, unweshed, unkempt
+look abaat em'at aw hadn't noaticed in ony other lot. Peter gave th'
+order an in a minit a young woman, donned up like a playacter coom wi
+three bottles o' beer, an six glasses. Shoo put em all daan an Peter
+paid, an in a twinklin th' six glasses were filled, two moor lasses
+at didn't wear sleeves i' ther gaaons, but hung em on wi two narrow
+shoulder straps, an wi skirts made that length wol yo didn't need to
+wonder whether they wore garters or not,--coom an smiled an each takkin
+a glass, popt it off at one swig, (an they held a gill,) an filled em up
+agean, (for all bottles thear hold three gills) an withaat waitin to tak
+ther breeath, sent th' second to see after th' first, wiped ther lips an
+lukt as dry as if they hadn't tasted for a month. Th' empty bottles an
+glasses wor takken away, an wi a smile an a wave o' ther hand they went
+to attend to somdy else, leeavin us to sit as long ovver awr glass
+as we'd amind. Peter said we were too sooin to see th' place at its.
+best,--which meeans at its warst,--but he tell'd us at th' customers
+wor mooastly artists an students, an theas wimmen wor dressed up i' sich
+fantastic style to draw fowk thear, an it wor ther principal duty to get
+off as mich drink as they could, an at from 12 at nooin to 1 next
+mornin they oft took more nor 100 glasses o' beer, to say nowt abaat th'
+glasses o' liquors an wines they had in between. It wor hard to believe
+it, but after watching em for abaat an haar, aw could ha believed it
+if he'd sed 200, for we wornt moor nor an haar ith place, an aw saw one
+lass, net moor nor 20 year old, drink 15 glasses o' beer, one o' coffee
+and brandy, an one wine, an when we left shoo seemed as reight as if
+shoo hadn't had aboon twopenoth. After each glass shoo ate a couple
+o' shrimps aw suppooas to mak her thirsty for th' next. Peter sed they
+seldom lasted moor nor four years, for if it didn't kill em it awther
+made em bloated an ugly or browt on some disease, but wol they lasted
+they could mak throo 200 to 400 pounds a year, an during that time they
+wor generally living wi some student or artist as his mistress, an givin
+him all shoo could get, i' return for which, as sooin as shoo could hold
+her situation noa longer, he turned her into th' street, to add one moor
+to that swarm, estimated at 30,000 women, at live i' that fair, gay and
+fashionable city called Payris, by prostitution ov th' worse sooart, an
+this 30,000 doesn't include some thaasands moor, who carry on th' same
+trade, under th' sanction an protection ov ther government. Yo'll feel
+inclined to say, "Well, Sammy, we've heeard enuff o' that,--tell us
+summat else."
+
+"Aw wish aw could tell yo summat else, an paint yo a true pictur,
+withaat havin to drag in that spectre,'at i ivvery guise o' revoltin
+ugliness, an heavenly beauty, haunts church, street, cafe, garden,
+river, and even holds its revel alike in th' perfumed chaymer,
+surrounded wi youth an innocence, an' in th' pestiferous stinkin den
+whear vice is life, and virtue all unknown. Noa wonder'at ther's a free
+exhibition at th' Morgue ivvery day, an "One more unfortunate" sleepin
+her long last sleep on that drippin stooan, all unconscious ov th'
+curious crowd at see in her limp limbs, an distorted face nowt moor nor
+a spectacle provided bi a thowtful government for their entertainment,
+but fail to leearn th' lesson'at it owt to taich."
+
+France has her warriors,--her statesmen, an' her poets! Has'nt shoo one
+man, with a voice at can ring throo her fair cities--her vineyards, an'
+her lovely hamlets; at will raise it to rid her o' th' biggest curse
+under which a nation can grooan. Shoo's safer wi a thaasand invadin
+armies hemmin her raand, nor wi that enemy gnawin away at th' vitals ov
+her heart.
+
+When we left th' brewery we had a drive up an' daan th' principal
+boulevards, an' it wor a treeat an' noa mistak. Th' mooin wor as breet
+varry near as a sun, an' th' gas lamps lukt to burn wi a yallo blaze
+at shed noa leet. Th' trees sparkled as they shook ther leaves an' th'
+buildins stood aght agean th' breet blue sky as if they'd been cut aght
+o' cleean card-booard. Men sauntered along puffin ther cigerettes, or
+set ith' front o' one o' th' cafes, en-joyin th' luxary o' havin nowt
+to do, an' knowin ha to do it. It wodn't interest yo to tell yo whear we
+went; for yo'at nivver wor thear ud be noa wiser an' yo at have been can
+tell for yorsen. It wor a long drive, an' we stopt at last at th' Arc
+de Triomphe de L'Etoile an' aw should think ther isnt sich another seet
+ith' world. Payris appears to lay at yor feet, an' strings o' gas leets
+mark aght ivvery principal street. Billy could'nt find words to express
+hissen, all he could get off wor, "E'e, gow! Sammy! E'e gow! By gum mun!
+A'a mun!"
+
+It wor one o' them things whear yo could'nt help onybody: Aw did
+think'at Billy wor a bigger fooil nor me, but awm foorced to own'at he
+could describe it just as weel as me, for aw kept tryin to remember what
+awd leearnd aght o' th' bookshunary soas aw could say summat, but it wor
+noa use, aw could nobbut stare an' ax misen, in a whisper, whether aw
+wor i' this world or th' next.
+
+Payris wor asleep. That rattle an' clang'at had caused a hum to flooat
+ovver th' city wor silent.--Aw lost misen i' thowt:--aw didnt see a
+city;--aw saw a wood, an' mi fancy tuk me throo it; all th' singin birds
+had dropt ther songs an' wor nestlin' i' ther cosy hooams, but ther
+still wor some lukkin aght for what they could catch--owls,--human
+owls,--wor nobbut makkin a start. Aw've oft seen th' owl stuck up as a
+symbol o' wisdom, but aw could nivver understand it: an' aw should be
+thankful if one o' them cliver chaps'at know soa mich wod kindly point
+aght to me whear th' sense is, i' sittin an' blinkin all th' day, when
+th' sun is makkin ivverything lovely, an' turnin aght at neet when all
+is dark an' solemn, to drop onto some timid little maase at wod ha been
+aght i' th' daytime if it dar. Noa,--aw nawther see wisdom nor principle
+ith' owl. Gie me a lark'at shaks his wings as sooin as th' sun sends
+aght his furst pale ray as an agent i' advance to tell th' world he's
+gooin to show agean, an' starts towards heaven whear he hings, a dot
+agean a dull blue dome, an' pours his melody on an awakenin eearth,
+cheerin the sad an' addin' joy to them whose cup wor full exceptin for
+those drops ov harmony.
+
+Ther's summat at feels heavy o' yor heart when a gurt, bustlin city is
+asleep,--when th' solitary cab rattles wi a peevish din along a silent
+street--an' th' quiet steady traid o' th' watchman saands like th'
+pulse-beeat ov a district lapt i' sleep. We made it up'at we wod have a
+nod neet aght an' see th' dark side as weel as th' breet. If awd been a
+praiche'r aw could ha fun plenty o' subjects for a sarmon as we wandered
+raand. Ommost all th' places wor shut up and nubdy seemed to be abaat.
+
+As we slowly trampt along, nah an' then a--(what-do-yo-call-em, we call
+em Bobbies i' England,) passed us, or we passed him, but Peter sed a
+word or two an' we wornt interfered wi. We coom anent one grand place
+whear th' winders wor blazin wi leet an' we went in. It wor another o'
+them grand shops sich as we'd seen soa monny on, but all along one side
+wor little raams screened off, an' they called em _Cabinet particulier_
+an' we went into one;--ther's noa mistak abaat th' luxury an' beauty
+o' theas little places, but it doesnt tak th' e'e ov a hawk to see even
+moor in one nor they'd wish aghtsiders to believe. We had'nt been long
+an' th' waiter wor nobbut bringin us th' furst cup o' coffee when in
+coom two wimmen, (aw call em wimmen becoss they wor ith' shape on em,)
+but Peter gave em to understand'at we did'nt want to add to th' number
+o' th' compny.
+
+We had a rest an' a smook an' then we started aght agean, we had'nt
+walked monny yards befoor we coom to another spot'oth' same sooart, an'
+we sat daan o' th' opposite side o' th' rooad to luk at what wor gooin
+on. Th' winders wor oppen an' th' leets wor up at full, an' th' saand
+o' what aw suppooas they meant for mewsic, coom aght o' th' oppen
+shutters--ther wor a rustlin ov a silk dress an' a grand lukkin lass
+fit for a duchess coom up to th' door, but th' chap at wor standin thear
+shoved her away as if shoo'd been a beggar--shoo stood for a minit or
+two lukkin up at whear th' saand coom throo an' then shoo walked away
+wipin her een wi her pocket hankerchy an' vanished. Aw felt as if aw
+could ha liked to goa an' try to comfort her a bit, an aw ommost felt
+sooary at Mally wornt thear, for aw know shoo can set onybody reight if
+onybody can, but Peter sed it wod be noa use for shoo wor varry likely
+lukkin for him who had promised to meet her an' had disappointed
+her--Just then a lad coom past sellin papers an' Peter bowt one; (Billy
+wod ha bowt one, but after lukkin at it he declared at th' fowk'at had
+printed it did'nt know ha to spell) an' after a bit he sed, (aw meean
+Peter,) "This is a sad case but only one of many such."
+
+"What is it? aw says.
+
+"Only an account of the finding of a body in the river to-day. A young
+and beautiful girl who ran away from home leaving parents, sisters,
+brothers and a lover and came to Paris, was admired, feted, courted and
+betrayed, and in the midst of her gaiety and dissipation was confronted
+by the honest-hearted suiter for her hand who had followed her, and
+remorse having mastered her infatuation, and despair overwhelmed her
+hopes she put an end to herself. Her body has been claimed by her
+friends;--it was at the Morgue to-day. It is almost an everyday story,
+but it is only an individual case of reaping the whirlwind when the seed
+has been so plentifully sown.
+
+"Nature! impartial goddess!--never forgets her duties," sed Peter,
+braikin off throo what he'd been sayin, an' aw could'nt help thinkin ha
+mich beauty a chap loises, and what joys he misses wi liggin i' bed ov
+a neet--Reight enuff a chap cannot be up booath day an' neet, but its
+worth while for ony body to sacrifice a bit o' sleep nah an' then for
+th' sake o' seein what th' world luks like when its wakkenin. Th' sun
+wornt fairly up but yet it wor growin leet, an' we made another move;
+Billy an' me booath lukkin a bit solid owin to th' accaant he'd gien
+us aght o' th' paper, an' Billy says, "Lets goa back hooam; awm sick o'
+seein an' hearin soa mich abaat what owt'nt to be."
+
+"Remember, Billy," aw says, "we munnot judge too hastily, becoss it's
+just likely'at luck may ha led us to see th! warst pairt an' th' better
+pairt is to come--Nivver let us condemn ony country or ony city--for
+what we may see in an' haar or two, for th' best fruit tree ith' world
+may have a rotten en on sometimes. But what's that row o' fowk abaat?
+They luk a queer lot! What does ta mak on em, Peter?"
+
+"They are waiting for the superintendant who will be here shortly, but
+with their advent subsides another class that belong particularly to
+Paris; the rag pickers; we have not met them to-night for the streets we
+have been in are not those likely to yield them a harvest, but whilst we
+wait here I may as well tell you a few facts which I have gleaned since
+my arrival in the country. There is one wending his way homewards with a
+basket weighty with his gatherings of the night--let us speak to him,
+a few sous will amply repay him for his trouble and any time he may
+loose." Soa he stopt him an' he emptied his hamper, an' sich a lot
+o' stuff aw nivver saw befoor--aw dooant believe'at thers a beggar i'
+Yorksher'at ud bend his back to pick sich rubbish up.--Bits o' rooap,
+paper, cabbage leeavs, cigarettes, cigar stumps, booans, rags, crusts o'
+breead, an' some things'at aw should fancy ther wornt onybody but him'at
+had gethered em could give em a name. Billy's heart wor inclined to
+oppen--nay, it did oppen, an' he gave him a franc, an' when he gate it,
+th' tears rushed into his een an' altho' he wor a Frenchman his tongue
+wor useless for his heart wor soa heigh up in his throit'at he could'nt
+spaik, an' Billy lifted his fist an' sed, (but in a voice at wor varry
+shaky to say it belanged to Billy,) "Tak thi hook! if tha doesnt awl
+punce thi!" an' for th' next three minits he did nowt but blow his nooas
+an' complain abaat havin getten some dust in his e'e--A'a! he's nooan
+all guts isnt Billy! Aw believe after all'at he could'nt hold that heart
+o' his unless it wor in a big carcass.
+
+We went then to see all this lot o' fowk at wor waitin for th'
+superintendant. They wor th' street sweepers, an' they wor just same as
+solgers, an' as th' word o' command wor gien they went off i' pairties
+o' four, an' started o' sweepin th' streets an' makkin all cleean an'
+tidy for them at had nobbut just gooan to bed, soas they could get up
+ith' mornin an' find th' city as trim an' tidy as they'd ivver seen it,
+an' nowt left for th' day-leet to show ov what had been done under th'
+gas-leet. Did yo ivver see a woman on a stage, donned up i' muslin,
+silver lace an' spangles, wi a painted face, her e'en made breet wi
+brandy,--her e'e-broos black wi charcoil or indyink,--her hands covered
+wi white kid gloves, an' her feet pinched into tiny slippers,--wol her
+legs wor padded to luk like what its just possible they may ha been
+once, an' covered wi silk stockins, an' nawther moor nor less nor an'
+angel withaat wings?--an' did yo ivver see th' same woman next mornin,
+when shoo's getten up aght o' bed an' left all her false ringlets o' th'
+dresser (if shoo has one,) when her paint is rubb'd off her cheeks,
+her red hands, hoofed an' scarred uncovered,--her ee'n heavy
+an' bleared,--her feet shoved into th' wrecks of a pair o' men's
+booits,--an' wi a thyble in her hand, an' a bit o' mail in a paper bag,
+as shoo gooas to wark to male a bit o' porrige for two or three squallin
+childer'at nivver knew ther father? If soa yo must ha been struck wi th'
+difference.
+
+Well, thers just that much difference between what Payris is on th'
+surface an' what it is when yo goa below.
+
+We went along an' Peter sed he'd like to show us ha fowk i' Payris lived
+an' give us an inseet into things at if they did us noa other gooid mud
+happen taich us economy, an' prove at it wornt allusthem fowk'at had
+th' mooast brass an' made th' mooast ov a spreead' at lived best.
+
+"There's nothing thrown away in Paris," sed Peter, "excepting human
+life. The rag-picker with his basket and his crook is one of the most
+important personages in the city. The stumps of cigars and cigarettes
+are what form the snuff of the most fastidious men who indulge in the
+habit--the scraps of old paper are all utilised and every bit of rag
+is converted to good use--the garbage, consisting of outside leaves of
+cabbages, turnip tops and even rotten fruit serve as ingredients for
+soups sold in the inferior restaurants; but the bread perhaps is most
+remarkable,--private families and boarding houses throw out crusts which
+are merely stale; cafes have plenty of broken crusts and soiled bits,
+but although it is cast into the street it is all carefully collected
+and preserved and the very refuse which is cast into the street from the
+sumptuously furnished tables of aristocratic salons on the Rue de Rivoli
+will not unlikely reappear in another form on the same tables and be
+appreciated. Crusts of stale bread are collected by inferior bakers
+and are soaked and rebaked and served again as new bread in cheap
+restaurants, the small broken pieces are carefully collected and cut up
+into small dice and after undergoing some secret process are converted
+into those appetizing toasted chips which give such a relish to
+soup--but there is another class, much more objectionable, at least to
+our ideas,--the soiled and dirty scraps such as were to be found amongst
+the rubbish of the rag-picker's basket, are seldom or ever given to
+poultry or pigs as you would imagine, but undergo a process of cleaning
+and are then dried, pounded into crumbs and burnt upon greased
+tins until they become a rich brown, and of this bread dust, every
+restaurant, from the one where the members of the senate meet, to the
+one whose customers regard a dish of meat as an exceptional treat, keep
+a stock; your cutlet is made to look beautiful with it--ham, fowls, or
+baked meats all owe more or less of their attractiveness to the same
+source. This is no secret here, and just so long as the dish set before
+them is pleasing to the eye, and pleasant to the taste, they ask no
+questions nor trouble themselves to wonder of what it is composed. There
+is scarcely any part of any animal--ox, horse, dog, cat, sheep, goat,
+sparrow or frog that is not utilized and made to furnish savoury morsels
+for one class or other--the better portions of a beast naturally find
+their way to that portion of the city where money is most plentiful,
+but I do not think it is too much to say that had the English people
+the same knowledge that the French possess in culinary matters, that
+the quantity of meat and vegetable that is daily wasted at home would
+furnish food, both toothsome and wholesome, enough for every starving
+creature within its shores.
+
+"Well, it may seem all reight to thee tha knows, to mak thi belly into
+a muck-middin, but for mi own pairt awd rayther have a rasher o' gooid
+hooam fed bacon an' a couple o' boiled eggs to mi braik-fast nor th'
+grandest lukkin dish o' chopt up offal tha could set befoor me, an' aw
+fancy Sammy's o' th' same opinion."
+
+"Aw must say, Billy,'at aw had rayther sit daan to a bit o' summat
+gradely, an' as a rule aw like to know what it is awm aitin, yet it's
+happen nobbut th' result o' ignorance, an' we turn up us nooas at things
+simply becoss we've been towt noa better; but aw could do wi a bit ov a
+snack if aw had it,--what says ta Billy?"
+
+"A bit ov a snack ud be noa use to me--aw could just do a quairt o'
+porrige an' milk to start wi, but awst be ommost tarrified aght o' mi
+wit o' touchin' owt nah. If we'd had ony sense we should ha browt summat
+wi us, an' aw should ha done but aw thowt aw wor commin wi a cliver
+chap'at knew summat, but aw find awve been mistaen."
+
+"Eeah an' ther's somdy else been mistaen as weel as thee, for if awd
+known what a chuffin heead tha'd ha turned aght aw wod'nt ha been paid
+to come."
+
+"Why dooant freeat Sammy, for it isnt variy likely 'at tha'll ivver be
+troubled wi onybody offerin to pay thee for owt unless it wor for keepin
+thi maath shut, an' if they'd start a subscription for that awd gie th'
+price ov a pint towards it misen."
+
+Th' shops wor all oppenin nah, an' Peter tuk us into a place an'
+ordered braikfast, but altho' we wor ommost clammd, we booath felt a bit
+suspicious abaat what we should have set befoor us to ait; but when it
+coom in an' we saw a dish full o' ham steaks wi' fried eggs laid all
+raand em an' a looaf a breead abaat a yard long, an' cups o' coffee'at
+sent a smell like a garden o' pooaseys all throo th' place, all fear
+o' bein awther impooased on or pooisened left us, an' ther wornt a word
+spokken bi ony on us until Billy threw daan his knife an' fork an' sed,
+"Thear!"
+
+We finished ommost as sooin as him an' Peter settled th' bill, an' as we
+walked aght we felt like men new made ovver agean, but we wor varry glad
+to get into a cab an' leet a cigar an' enjoy th' beautiful drive to us
+own lodgins. We went a long raand abaat way but it wor ommost all throo
+gardens or under trees, here an' thear we went throo a
+
+Square an' stopt a minit to luk at a faantain, a moniment, or a
+wonderful buildin, or went a short distance along th' river's bank or
+made a cut throo a street, an' we'd noa time to do owt but admire all
+we saw, whether it wor natural or artificial an' th' impressions o' th'
+neet befoor seemed like ugly fancies at th' mornins flood o' beauty an'
+gaiety wor quickly sweepin away--Aw could'nt help but repeat,=
+
+```"One little favour, O, 'Imperial France!
+
+```Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance,
+
+```Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam,
+
+```But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home."=
+
+To say we'd been up all th' neet we did'nt feel varry weary nor sleepy
+an' after a gooid wesh an' a brush up we felt noa desire to goa to bed
+soa we sat daan at one o' th' little tables aghtside an called for
+a bottle o' Bordeaux, (we'd getten reight to like it) an' we tipt us
+cheers back, yankee fashion, an' amused ussen wi watchin fowk goa past.
+We sooin discovered at a cheap trip had just come in, an' as they went
+past wi ther boxes an' carpet bags Billy lained ovver to me an' he says,
+"What gawky chaps English fowk luk when they land here at furst; why, aw
+feel soa different sin aw coom to live i' Payris wol awm feeard they'll
+tak me for a born Frenchman when aw get back hooam."
+
+"Tha's noa need," aw says, "they may tak thi to be a born summat at
+begins wi a F, but it will'nt be Frenchman!"
+
+Peter had to leeav us nah, we wor varry sooary to pairt wi him, but he
+sed his business wod'nt allaa him to stop ony longer, soa we shook hands
+wi him an' thanked him for all his kindness, an' as he turned away he
+sed, "And be sure you remember me kindly to Mally."
+
+This rayther knockt th' wind aght on me, an' Billy says, "Nah lad thart
+in for't, an' sarve thi reight! yond chap'll write off to yor Mally, an'
+tell her o' thi gooins on an' then tha'll get thi heead cooamd wi summat
+tha weeant like when tha gets hooam! Aw wod'nt be i' thy shoes for a
+trifle!"
+
+"Well, if thers been owt wrang tha's been as deep ith' muck as aw've
+been ith' mire, soa tha can shut up!"
+
+"Has ta ivver answered that letter shoo sent thi?"
+
+"Noa, aw've nivver had a chonce but aw will do reight away an' then
+that'll happen ease her mind a bit, an' aw wod'nt cause a minit o'
+bother, if aw could help it for all aw can see."
+
+"It's a pity tha doesnt try to mak her believe it."
+
+"Aw do try, an' aw allusdid!"
+
+"Eeah, aw meean its a pity tha art'nt moor successful."
+
+"Thee mind thi own business, an' leeav me to mind mine!"
+
+Aw felt it wor a waste o' time to tawk ony moor to him, soa aw left him
+to sit bi hissen wol aw went to write a letter to Mally. Aw did'nt goa
+wi a varry leet heart, net at aw cared owt abaat th' trubble, but aw wor
+fast what to say. To write th' plain trewth aw knew wod'nt do, an' to
+write what worn't true wor a thing aw wod'nt do, an' aw sat some time
+studdyin befoor aw made a start.
+
+[Illustration: 0106]
+
+[Illustration: 0107]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'.
+
+[Illustration: 9107]
+
+WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
+withaat rhyme or reason--If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll nivver
+care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.=
+
+```Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
+
+```Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
+
+```It fun me weel as when aw started,
+
+```Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
+
+```Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
+
+```But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
+
+```Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
+
+```As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
+
+```Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
+
+```Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
+
+```Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
+
+```An' hand him safe back to his mother.=
+
+```Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
+
+```His stummack's mendin varry fast;
+
+```An' ale!--its true lass what aw say,
+
+```He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
+
+```He nivver has a bilious baat,
+
+```Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
+
+```Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
+
+```An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
+
+```We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
+
+```Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
+
+```To find thi weel will mak me fain;
+
+```Till then, believe me to remain,
+
+```As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
+
+```Thy faithful husband Sammywell.=
+
+Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study
+it ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor
+wi letter writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a
+stamp an' sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw
+fan him hard asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat
+o' th' side o' th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight
+but th' seet o' mi umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor
+an' who wor anent him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor
+ommost droppin off!"
+
+"Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
+mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
+
+"Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want
+to disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long.
+If awm spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as
+aw havnt had lately--start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then
+tha'll be happy."
+
+I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
+abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
+we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
+nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
+ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
+booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
+cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich
+like stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at
+hooam we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha
+thowt we wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band
+o' music strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a
+circus,--an' they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English
+soa we thowt it ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should
+be able to see th' difference between an' English show an' a French
+en. We wor just gooin in when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed
+summat, but aw shook mi heead--"Anglish?" he sed.
+
+"English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
+
+"O, well, I can speek Anglish--the Anglish peeples have been var goot
+to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
+ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for
+hafe--only two franc de one, four franc de two."
+
+"What are we to do Billy?"
+
+"Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
+
+Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
+in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
+plees gentlemons."
+
+"Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
+quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
+sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
+bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
+leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets
+but he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
+could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
+whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
+
+"Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th'
+chap flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me
+walked in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for
+owt aw could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th'
+best seeat he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two
+together in a row wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor
+teed raand th' middle o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an'
+aw set waitin for th' rumpus. In a bit a dapper little chap comes an'
+touches Billy o' th' shoolder an' mooationed him to follow, but he mud
+as well ha tried to coax one o' th' pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver
+stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith' ring at wor playin antics wi a
+long powl. After a while th' same chap comes back wi other two, one on
+em dressed up like a malishyman ith' awkard squad, an' he touched Billy,
+but net just as gently as tother had done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa
+this chap shoves past me an' seizes him bi th' collar, (which to say th'
+leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to do until he'd calkilated th' weight
+o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a
+summerset into th' middle o' th' ring. This wor a performance'at they'd
+nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th'
+powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as capt as ony o' tothers. Billy
+stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for th' next. Aw dooant know who
+th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw could'nt help feelin a bit praad
+o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into years aw grun mi teeth an' felt
+detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit o' th' umberel ud hing
+together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt forsaken us for one o' th'
+actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid luk at his face aw
+knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi Pinder's circus i'
+Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard he'd braik his
+middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its that'at they
+sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an' aw tell'd
+him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then he sed
+'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all was
+over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
+know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then,
+but ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor
+booath pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L------t wor as gooid as his
+word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
+us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old
+ens'at had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed
+th' programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for
+a theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some
+refreshments an' then Herr L----l left us an' we set off agean i' search
+o' adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see
+what it wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if
+yo daat, as some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor
+friends'at's been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic"
+correspondent says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same
+fashion'at Adam an' Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It
+wor moor nor life size an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th'
+artist had taen gooid care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It
+wor surraanded wi dumb-bells, indian clubs, an' different gymnastic
+implements, an' aw wor informed after'at it wor an advertisement for a
+taicher o' gymnastics an wor intended to show ha a woman's form could
+be developed wi folloin his advice an' takkin lessons off him--"But," aw
+sed, "dooant yo think its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a
+public street whear men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
+
+"Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
+people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights
+of Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
+others."
+
+"Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this
+aw will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be
+their hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites
+an' to breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap
+at tried to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his
+brazen sin an wickedness i' yor face!"
+
+It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip
+a drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
+mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
+takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as
+if pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As
+we'd been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time
+so as to be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark
+an' narrow street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th'
+top--fowk wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght
+to be a sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went
+in, an' it reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam.
+It wor pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho'
+some o' th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit.
+Th' band played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save
+the Queen," as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd
+ivver known it to have befoor--Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith'
+furst place ther wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical
+nor a penny trumpet, an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther
+faces an' stuck ther hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like
+tryin to play th' fooil an' had'nt lent ha--One woman,--a strapper shoo
+wor too--wi a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet--coom
+on drest to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo
+shaated an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat,
+an' altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an'
+yell an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther
+heeads, (if sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a
+hullaballoo wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough
+soa we pyked aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid
+one another 'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it
+ud be Sundy ith' mornin.
+
+[Illustration: 0115]
+
+[Illustration: 0116]
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9116]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up
+pleasant memories an' fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th' furst time
+sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid mornin', he called me
+Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw
+wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if it's a day like this mi
+mother'll be run off her feet;--shoo should tak between four an' five
+paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese an' breead an' cold beef;
+but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be able to mak it up next
+wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know whear aw am, an' they'll
+be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha aw've getten on. What are
+we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha thowt'at he'd th' same
+sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur they say, soa aw made
+noa moor remark abaat it.
+
+"Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they
+tell me they are beautiful places."
+
+"Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs
+feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up!
+They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to
+church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."
+
+"They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt
+they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to
+loise this grand mornin'."
+
+When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor
+usual--th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed
+an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an'
+nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th'
+lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him
+which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't
+know for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said
+abaat Pere la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride
+thear for we should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do
+yo expect to land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa
+yo'll know."
+
+"Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay
+soas if we should be lat we can get in?"
+
+"We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo
+have th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo
+like, an' awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."
+
+We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay
+i' mi pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin'
+along. It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up!
+we'd gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom
+or ivver been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor
+surprised to see what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth
+nooatice. Awd nivver enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary
+when we gate to th' entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when
+aw tell yo'at we wor content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear
+yo may be sewer ther wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an'
+th' monuments wor th' leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks
+under th' trees an' between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set
+like brilliant gems ith' midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi
+thowts back to what awd seen at th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't
+to compare one wi' t'other but to contrast'em, for this wor as mich
+superior to that as that had been to owt awd seen befoor.
+
+"What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"
+
+"Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw
+ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."
+
+They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor
+hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars
+strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no
+trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay
+ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin
+an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor
+dressed in the "habiliments of woe"--fashion an' show,--nowt else!=
+
+``"What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,
+
+``Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;
+
+``Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;
+
+``Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;
+
+``Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,
+
+``And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!
+
+``More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,
+
+``She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;
+
+``Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,
+
+``And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."=
+
+Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be
+movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol
+we'd been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to
+Champs Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we
+wor set daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have
+a chonce to see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor
+fairly filled wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs
+an' carriages wor ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to
+be wondered at on sich a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for
+a ride or walk; an' it made up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed
+befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast
+on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th' busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor
+noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had getten throo ther religious
+nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had time to: goa back hooam an'
+leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght o' ther pockets as they
+sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards an' laffin' an'
+smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight or wrang, but
+it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy."
+
+Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor
+nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did
+see for th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o'
+Christianity'at characterizes it.
+
+We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait,
+bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that
+is awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan
+a bad pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin'
+raand rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor
+when he tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When
+we'd squared up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little
+table'at wor as far removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin'
+ith' front, an' one'at wor grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we
+ordered brandy an' watter an' cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th'
+richness an' th' beauties ov an evenin' sich as it mud be a long time
+befoor we should have th' chonce ov enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree
+has it's advantages, but ther's allusa drawback to all pleasures i'
+this life. Th' French fowk as a nation are varry perlite, but they
+dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to th' same pitch, an' aw
+suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i' Payris or i' Pudsey;
+at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw saw ther'd been an
+addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me to teem it daan
+th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi my mishap an'
+he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly didn't want
+it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend summat.
+Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an' then it
+faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an' th' day
+went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor sooin
+aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom smilin'
+up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into fairyland.
+"We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."
+
+"Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov
+a neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond
+haase o' mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i'
+November."
+
+"Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"
+
+"Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o'
+this peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak
+a sealin' wax stamp on."
+
+We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa
+cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a
+raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just
+as fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i'
+Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak
+a short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept
+walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin'
+hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.
+
+"It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt
+aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest
+if aw can tell whear we are."
+
+"It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's
+soa sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find
+aght'at we're two or three mile off hooam."
+
+"We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony
+better nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst
+comes to th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor--get a
+cab."
+
+"If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan
+be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."
+
+Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed
+another word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a
+poleeceman to see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece
+are th' same all th' world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're
+wanted. Aw felt sewer we should meet with a cab or summat, but th'
+streets seemed as if ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a
+long time befoor aw forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan
+but aw couldn't see a thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an
+that couldn't help me ony; th' clock struck twelve--Billy gave a sigh
+but sed nowt--all at once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th'
+causey an aw stopt. It wor a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off
+somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an' shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her
+understand what we wanted but shoo could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin
+as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to coax us to goa her way unless we'd
+been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed away an' left us. It wor a fit
+o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold o' Billy's arm an' march daan
+a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o' gooid luck as it happened, for
+at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river. Aw lukt to see which way th'
+watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi' hooaps we set off agean. We
+didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we met plenty o' poleece, but
+noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom to owt we knew, but
+at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat two miles to walk
+then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray--but aw mun gie
+Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a bit,
+although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we
+expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver
+been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as
+ther wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we
+could see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw
+put th' kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome
+seet it wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at
+that time o' th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned
+th' leet up, an' thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther
+wor fish an' a joint o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice
+butter an' breead, an' two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret;
+an' th' raam wor a deeal nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius
+been used to havin' us meals in. "This is a change for th' better," aw
+sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat this be-foor."
+
+"It's all ov a piece is thy wark,--tha allusfinds ivverything aght when
+it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as ivver
+we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin' ussen
+in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do justice
+to it to neet, soa let's start."
+
+He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor
+he touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an'
+aw can't say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin
+disappeared, an' th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav
+a drop o' ale nor claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook
+befoor we went to bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what
+time it wor, he saw it wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to
+oppen th' door'at led into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for
+aw knew ther wor a clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop
+sharper nor aw went in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be
+put i'th' hoil for this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"
+
+"Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off
+th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot--he didn't limp then, awl
+awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him in
+a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw
+lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then
+aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed
+befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th'
+door an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop
+this time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th'
+door an' turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an'
+befoor yo could ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we
+wor booath wide enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard
+two wimmin skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan
+th' Street, an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at,
+we'd a varry gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at
+we should ha gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we
+thowt'at it wor awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't
+sleep we could snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th'
+maister coom an' knockt gently at furst one door an' then t'other an'
+heeard th' music'at we wor makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did,
+an' couldn't find in his heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor
+aghtside we could nobbut guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor
+all wor quietened daan; then we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock
+when Billy coom to my door to wakken me. He shoved his heead in an'
+says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"
+
+"What's up?".
+
+"Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"
+
+"Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat
+it!"
+
+"No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom
+as sooin as tha'rt ready."
+
+Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit--aw
+saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him
+prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.
+
+
+
+[Illustration: 0128]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX. LUNDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9128]
+
+HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts
+o' guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor
+sed, nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry
+hard at us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we
+knew moor abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen
+be all fancy, for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In
+a while we wor left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th'
+best use o' th' few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to
+goa hooam that neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome
+change, for it made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite
+lively an' he says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
+
+"Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o'
+th' mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
+
+"Sewers! what sewers?"
+
+"Th' drains;--yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith' drains,
+an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled on
+th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.--What
+says ta?"
+
+"Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen
+nor be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent
+me up to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a
+foreign land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin
+into th' bowels o' th' eearth."
+
+"Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just
+one o' them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a
+scientific turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity
+suits me; an' if tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear
+aw can find thi at a sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi
+whear tha likes."
+
+"Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all
+thy science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant
+like to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins,
+but aw must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
+poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
+withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what
+maks it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to
+say at aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat
+science as long as tha lives!"
+
+"Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it
+wor a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but
+if tha thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but
+weft an' warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest
+chaps aw ivver met wor wayvers."
+
+"Varry likely,--becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em, but
+if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
+met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
+abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom,
+it can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but
+mine's different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin
+abaat science tha shows thi fooilishness;--net at aw meean to say tha'rt
+a fooil,--nowt o' th' sooart,--but aw think tha owt to be thankful to
+know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
+
+"Billy,--if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can tawk
+to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
+thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
+stop as thas a mind."
+
+"Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
+ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
+fittest place for thi--mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
+
+"Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas,
+but awm willin' to risk it."
+
+"Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
+
+"They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight
+i' thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
+
+"If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
+
+We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to
+goa, for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we
+wor driven off.
+
+Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo
+a main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is
+strange--th' carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's
+noa engins, but ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along
+varrv nicely--its like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut
+ther's a river runnin along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net
+a varry nice en--but awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an'
+as black. It wor leeted i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi
+lamps an' th' names o' th' streets at yo wor passin under wor put up,
+an' nah an' then yo passed a boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked
+wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed he thowt they made a mistak to charge
+fowk for gooin in, it ud be better to charge em for comin aght, an'
+aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once, for i' spite o' all ther
+ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw should'nt care to have
+aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome when we gate into em
+agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but admit'at ther wor
+seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd been booath gooid
+
+Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
+but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf
+a franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
+else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
+duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
+thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
+Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
+all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it
+tuk us all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th'
+landlord went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay
+for his back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod
+fit his lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some
+neet and get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor
+varry wise to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on
+us glad to turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a
+place wi soa monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce
+to see; for ther's noa denyin it--Natur an' art have done all they could
+to mak it th' finest city ith' world--It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty
+o' Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate
+luk o' Dublin--nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o'
+th' American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor
+perfect nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris
+to Calais an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an'
+we lost noa time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th'
+difference between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt
+tell for all seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off,
+an' th' mooin peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish
+us gooid luk--th' waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's
+side, an' th' two electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two
+big een, an' marked a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th'
+neet cleared up, but it wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th'
+deck all th' time. We had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a
+smook an' luk abaat us. Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet,
+an' nowt happened worth mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white
+cliffs o' old England.
+
+It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
+awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run
+to meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi
+native land--Billy wor capt when aw struck up--=
+
+``They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
+
+````heart,
+
+```Whate'er his condition may be;
+
+``But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
+
+```And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
+
+``For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
+
+```No matter what strange countries boast;
+
+``No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
+
+```With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
+
+```Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
+
+````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
+
+```Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
+
+`````hand,
+
+````And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
+
+```And in politics fight tooth and nail;
+
+``When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
+
+```If at government's tactics we rail;
+
+``There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
+
+```Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
+
+``That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
+
+```For there's freedom where ever it flies.
+
+````Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+````Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
+
+`````unite
+
+````And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
+
+```And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
+
+``Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
+
+```And his growl gives a warning to all.
+
+``They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
+
+`````roar,
+
+```And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
+
+``And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
+
+```And he's king of the world even yet!
+
+````Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+```Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
+
+`````thee dear
+
+````Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"=
+
+We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to
+me but still it felt like hooam--aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
+lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at
+Lundun.
+
+[Illustration: 0136]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X. MARDI
+
+[Illustration: 9136]
+
+T wor seven o'clock ith' mornin when we arrived at Victoria Station--an'
+as we wanted to get ooam withaat loisin ony time we tuk a cab to
+King's Cross. It wor a breet clear mornin' an' as we rattled along th'
+streets, ivvery buildin lukt like an' old friend, an' th' same feelin'
+coom ovver me at awve soa oft felt befoor--what had passed seemed mich
+moor like a dreeam nor a reality. Aw noaticed at Billy put on some airs
+at awd nivver seen him spooart befoor, an' if aw had'nt known him aw mud
+ha mistakken him for Beaconsfield commin back after signin th' Berlin
+treaty, but then he's a deal bigger man nor Beaconsfield is Billy, an'
+if his influence isnt as big ith' city, he's weightier ith' corporation.
+But awm sewer he lukt better bi monny a paand nor when we started. When
+we gat to th' station we fan at we'd a bit o' time to spend befoor ther
+wor a train soa we went an' gate a cup o' coffee an' summat to ait.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw sed, "aw should like to know if tha's enjoyed thi
+trip?"
+
+"Ov coprse aw've enjoyed it! Did ta think aw went to be miserable? It
+isnt oft aw set off throo hooam, but when aw do aw mak up mi mind to
+enjoy mysen. But aw dooant care ha sooin aw get back hooam nah, for awst
+ha to start brewin to-morn."
+
+"Well, tha luks a deeal better onyway,--an' awm sewer thi mother'll be
+fain to see thi soa mich improved."
+
+"Thee think abaat yor Mally an' leeav me an' mi mother to manage us own
+affairs--If aw've getten a bit better awve paid for it aw reckon!
+Tha tell'd me'at it wod'nt cost aboon ten paand an' it's cost aboon
+eleven,--Aw've enjoyed misen furst rate an' aw do feel a trifle better,
+an' awve enjoyed thy compny varry weel too, but if aw wor gooin agean
+awd goa be misen."
+
+"Tha cant get me mad this mornin soa its noa use to try, an' tha'd
+better save thi wind to blow thi porridge when tha gets hooam."
+
+"Well, that's reight enuff; tha knows what aw mean,--but aw say--wi' ta
+promise me at tha'll keep thi maath shut abaat them frogs?--Nah fair
+dealins amang mates, Sammy."
+
+"Awl promise thi one thing," aw says, "awl tell now't at isnt true, an'
+if what aw tell isnt pleasant it's becoss trewth isnt pleasant at all
+times."
+
+"Do as tha likes an' gooid luck to thi lad! Th' time's ommost up lets be
+off."
+
+We wor just i' time an' after a partin glass to start wi for fear ther
+might'nt be a chonce to get one at th' finish, we jumpt into th' train
+an' wor sooin lessenin th' distance between Lundun an' Bradford. Th'
+journey wor pleasant enuff but it seemed rayther long as it does when
+yor anxious to get to th' far end, but we landed at last, an' wod yo
+believe it? Ther wor Mally an' Hepsaba waitin at th' station for me--It
+wor a little attention at they'd nivver shown me befoor, an' aw felt
+touched,--for awm varry soft hearted.
+
+"Whativver made thi come to meet me Mally?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw coom becoss aw wor feeard tha'd happen ha started a growin a
+mushtash an' thart freet big enuff as it is, an' aw thowt awd tak thi to
+th' barbers to get made daycent befoor tha coom hooam, for tha's been a
+laffin stock for th' naybors long enuff; an aw wanted to set mi mind at
+ease abaat that umberel, for thart nooan to be trusted, an awve hardly
+been able to sleep for dreamin at tha'd lost it, but if tha had tha'd ha
+been wise nivver to show thi face here agean!"
+
+"Well, but tha sees aw havnt, an if awd had aw suppooas its mi own?"
+
+"What's thine's mine aw reckon?"
+
+"An' what made thee come to meet me Hepsaba?"
+
+"Aw coom to see what yo'd browt for us, soas aw could ha mi pick afoor
+yo'd pairted wi' th' best."
+
+"Why lass, awve browt misen an' that's all, aw should think that owt to
+satisfy thi."
+
+"If that's all yo need'nt ha gooan for we had yo befoor."
+
+Mally an' her walked off arm i' arm, takkin th' umberel wi em an nivver
+spaiking a word, but just givin a nod to Billy--"Awl tell thi what we'll
+do," sed Billy--"we'll just goa into th' taan an' ware abaat a paand a
+piece o' some sooart o' gimcracks an' we'll mak'em believe we have browt
+summat after all!"
+
+Aw thowt it wor a gooid nooation soa we went an' bowt a cap for Mally
+an' a pair a gloves for Hepsaba, an' a imitation meersham pipe for Ike,
+an' one or two moor nonsensical things, an' then we put em i' my box at
+th' station. Billy bowt a new dress piece, real French merino for his
+mother, an' then we shook hands an' pairted. My reception wornt all at
+aw could wish when aw went in hooam, but when th' box wor oppened an'
+Mally saw her cap, shoo pawsed th' cat off th' fender becoss it wor
+sittin anent me, an' as sooin as Hepsaba gate her gloves, shoo fun me a
+long pipe, an' filled it wi bacca an' gat me a leet, an' Ike sed 'he'd
+hardly been able to bide at his wark, he wor soa anxious at aw should
+land back safe;' an' he walked abaat wi' th' pipe in his maath as if awd
+browt him th' grandest thing aght o' th' Exhibition--Ther wor nowt to
+gooid for me just then, an' aw thowt at after all, Billy wornt happen
+sich a fooil as aw tewk him to be.
+
+[Illustration: 0140]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+***** This file should be named 45927-8.txt or 45927-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/9/2/45927/
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
+  www.gutenberg.org/license.
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at 809
+North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887.  Email
+contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the
+Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit:  www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For forty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
diff --git a/old/45927-8.zip b/old/45927-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3d08445
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-8.zip
diff --git a/old/45927-h.zip b/old/45927-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..233b659
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h.zip
diff --git a/old/45927-h/45927-h.htm b/old/45927-h/45927-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2949189
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/45927-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,4674 @@
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?>
+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+   PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      Seets I' Paris., by John Hartley
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    .indent5   { margin-left: 5%;}
+    .indent10  { margin-left: 10%;}
+    .indent15  { margin-left: 15%;}
+    .indent20  { margin-left: 20%;}
+    .indent30  { margin-left: 30%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    .side      { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em;
+               border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left;
+               text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;
+               font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;}
+    p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0}
+    span.dropcap         { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 }
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Seets I' Paris
+
+Author: John Hartley
+
+Release Date: June 10, 2014 [EBook #45927]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+    <div style="height: 8em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h1>
+      SEETS I' PARIS.
+    </h1>
+    <h4>
+      Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion O'th'
+      French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
+    </h4>
+    <h2>
+      By John Hartley
+    </h2>
+    <h5>
+      Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun,"
+      "Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek
+      Puddin." &amp;C.
+    </h5>
+    <h5>
+      London: <br /> <br /> W. Nicholson &amp; Sons, <br /> <br /> 26, PATERNOSTER
+      SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <b>CONTENTS</b>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>SEETS I' PARIS.</b> </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II. MERCREDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III. JENDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER V. VENDREDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER IX. LUNDI. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER X. MARDI </a>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PREFACE.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9008.jpg" alt="9008 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9008.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa
+      'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to bear
+      i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me to visit;&mdash;an
+      to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th' descriptions aw do
+      give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt different to them, awd beg em
+      to remember at we dooant all see wi th' same een, an if it had been
+      intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod ha done for th' lot, an then
+      what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers. Nah, if hawf o'th' book is
+      fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other hawf is fancy, that's worth
+      sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo have?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Yors i' hard eearnest,
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      SAMMYWELL GRIMES.
+    </h3>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Dedicated As Token Of Respect, To
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      John Stansfield, Esq., Halifax.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      With The Best Wishes Of
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The Author.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      November, 1878.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SEETS I' PARIS.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER I.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9010.jpg" alt="9010 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9010.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to Payris,
+      but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as awm feeard
+      if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen. Nah, awm quite
+      willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider reight abaat it
+      but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at ther wor nowt
+      varry far wrang.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived
+      long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm
+      sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm foorced
+      to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad
+      impression'at has'nt left me yet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for they
+      sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi' him, an'
+      especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel, which is
+      another word for maister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa aw
+      went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like th'
+      Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for a
+      long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an'
+      booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to
+      whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but
+      then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen.
+      Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's nivver
+      had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a beershop at
+      th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but durin' th' wick
+      its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an' that's a varry gooid
+      job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa anxious to suit his
+      customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint until he's supt a gill
+      to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up time, he's soa full up at he
+      has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a pikestaff for fear if he should
+      lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted. During th' rest o' th' wick he
+      suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's hard warkto get on wi his brewin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He's nivver been wed, tho' he's a gooid lukkin' chap enuff, but his old
+      mother lives wi him an' nurses him up as weel as shoo can. Shoo's tell'd
+      him monny a time at shoo thinks he'd be better if he'd a wife, but he
+      allus says he's feeard if he wor wed an' should have ony childer'at they
+      might have his complaint an' he doesnt want to be th' means o' onybody
+      else havin' to suffer as he's done. But altho' his mother has a deal to do
+      for him, shoo's varry praad on him, for he's her only lad an' shoo says
+      he's th' best brewer at ivver smell'd o' malt, an' for a duzzen year he's
+      nivver had a brewin at womt fit to sup, though nah and then ther's one'at
+      isnt fit to sell, but he's ov a careful turn an' nivver wastes it, an' wol
+      he's suppin that he's savin' summat better, an' if it maks noa profit yet
+      it isnt mich ov a loss. Aw've tell'd yo soa mich abaat Billy to introduce
+      him like, an' yo'll get to know him better as we goa on.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk th' first chonce aw had to goa see him an it happened to be Sundy
+      mornin' an' he wor varry bad, an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he
+      grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he shuk
+      his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th' rent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have aw
+      to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's weel to
+      be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable carryin' on
+      as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious tha knows, an'
+      aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better. What wi ta have to
+      sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver tasted. Mother, just
+      draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after trailin' up here, an' yo can
+      draw me a pint too for that matter for it cannot mak' me ony war nor aw
+      am."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much as
+      tha does Billy," sed his mother.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed, "Payris!
+      whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all feightin' aw
+      reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps tawkin' abaat it
+      ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it, but
+      if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're baan
+      to fuffen agean?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith'
+      world."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th'
+      world&mdash;but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have
+      another set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when
+      they've done fuffenin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be
+      sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver owt
+      as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full o'
+      moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,&mdash;are ta thinkin' abaat
+      flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit
+      thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves yor Mally
+      owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th' exhibition;&mdash;aw
+      generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith' year, though aw've
+      missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's gooid enuff for me.
+      Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa fuffenin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,&mdash;aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen
+      like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at ther's
+      monny a scoor goa for nowt else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me an'
+      mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart ov a
+      place is it for gettin summat to sup?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe tha'll
+      be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest women
+      thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud leet o'
+      one."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny
+      brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll mak'
+      thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o' gooin'
+      tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin
+      to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak
+      it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Next Wedensdy mornin&mdash;tha's lots o' time to get ready.".
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, be sewer tha does,&mdash;or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol
+      thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth
+      station bi nine o'clock."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa moor aw mun be off nah&mdash;Gooid day!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we can
+      manage for owt else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew
+      awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em
+      wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set
+      too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished
+      up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows as
+      well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha knows
+      what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's
+      forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what
+      tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away,
+      but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day or
+      two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems
+      happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi' wind
+      tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an' it'll
+      be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll find a
+      deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could see ony
+      gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa improvement
+      in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to feel at, an' tha
+      seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to forget at tha'rt a
+      gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to Payredise for owt aw
+      care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same as tha went, or else
+      war."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an'
+      then tha'll hardly know me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha ther
+      wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted o'
+      thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been considerin
+      it for th' last forty year&mdash;"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor born
+      soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at tha'rt
+      a fooil."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th'
+      same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what
+      says ta, will ta goa wi me?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha thowt,
+      simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense. What have
+      aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should like to know
+      if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr Hepsaba wi yond
+      youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm expectin to be sent for
+      ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child
+      i' awther arm an' a couple teed to her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav
+      em to muck amang it; but awm different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can
+      be o' some use to them at belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen
+      a laffinstock for fowk! But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha
+      one less to luk after, an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll
+      net show thi face i' this fold agean yet a bit!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak' it
+      war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th'
+      ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght ov
+      its place an' dragged it back agean, shoo turned raand an' sed as quiet as
+      could be, "Then what wi ta want to tak' wi thi, coss tha'd better let's be
+      knowin soas aw can get it ready an' net drive ivverything to th' last
+      minit?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry few things'll suit me, for we're nobbut gooin for a day or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We! who does ta mean bi a 'we'?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw've been to ax Billy Baccus if he'll goa wi' me, aw thowt he'd be a bit
+      o' cumpny tha knows."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh! Billy Baccus is it? Well an' awm fain tha has axd him! yo do reight
+      to goa together, Billy an' thee! They'd ha built another, exhibition if
+      they'd known you'd been gooin, Billy Baccus! raillee, Sammywell! an' what
+      does his mother say? Is he baan to tak' a brewery wi him or will he rent
+      one wol he's thear?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Someha this seemed to put Mally in a gooid temper an' aw wor nooan
+      inclined to spoil it, soa aw laft when shoo laft an' ther wor nowt
+      onnymoor sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' momin sooin coom, an' when aw wor biddin' Mally gooid bye, aw slipt a
+      bit o' paper into her hand at awd scribbled on,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awm gooin to leeav thi Mally lass,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But tho' aw love to rooam;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst nivver let an' haar pass,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Withaat a thowt for hooam.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' tho' aw feeast mi'een o' seets All strange, an' wondrous grand;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst turn mi heart i'th' silent neets,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      To this mi' native land.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awst think o' thee, at's shared mi woe,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      'At's proved mi' joy as well;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' far an' wide wheare'er aw goa,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Awst prize nooan like thisel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Shoo read it&mdash;"A'a, Sammywell!" shoo sed, "tha thinks tha can get
+      ovver me onnytime wi' a bit 0' nonsense like that, but tha mun mind tha
+      doesnt try it on once too oft. Try an' tak' care o' thisen, but whativver
+      else be careful 0' thi umberel!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor sooin at th' station an' Billy wor waitin. If ivver aw saw th'
+      pictur o' misery it wor his face that mornin'.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ha does ta feel?" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "War an' war, aw think awst ha to give it up, awm nooan fit to goa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a pity tha set off," aw sed, "has ta getten wai sin tha left hooam?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay aw've been soa ivver sin aw saw thi; aw should like to goa, but a'a
+      dear a me!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why then," aw says, "aw need'nt get two tickets?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, get one for thisen, aw've getten mine."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "An' whear's thi luggage?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its ith' van yonder all reight."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw sed noa moor but gate mi ticket&mdash;th' time wor up, we jumpt into
+      th' carriage an' wor sooin off to London.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0021m.jpg" alt="0021m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0021.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER II. MERCREDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9021.jpg" alt="9021 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9021.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      EXT to bein' th' eleventh chap to get into a carriage'at's suppooased to
+      be weel packed wi' ten, aw hate to travel wi' one chap'at's made up his
+      mind to be miserable&mdash;an' aw could see in a twinklin' 'at Bill meant
+      it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But aw wor off for a spree, (aw owtn't to ha sed that, for awd left word
+      at hooam'at aw wor gooin to collect information for th' benefit o' mi
+      fellow men,) but whativver wor th' principle reason for me gooin aw
+      know'at th' interest had summat to do wi' a jollification.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A'a, aw wish awd stopt at hooam," he sed, as sooin as th' train gate aght
+      o'th' station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sooary but tha had," aw sed, low daan.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What says ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sooary tha'rt soa bad," aw shaated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha doesn't know what aw suffer, lad. Has ta owt to sup?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, aw've a drop'at Mally wod mak mi bring; see what it's like."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That stirs it," he sed, when he'd had a gooid swig, "what does ta call
+      it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw dooant know for aw've nivver tasted it. Happen it's gin?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is it?" an' he held th' bottle to luk at it. "Maybe it is," he sed, an'
+      he tuk another swig to find aght. "Nay it's nooan gin aw think, aw fancy
+      it's whisky."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely it is whisky," aw sed, "it doesn't luk unlike."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant pretend to say'at it is, for awm noa judge, but it happen is
+      gin," an' he supt agean to mak reight sewer, an' then he handed me th'
+      bottle an' sed, "tha can call it what tha likes but aw call it whisky&mdash;taste
+      for thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He did reight to say "taste," for he hadn't left enough in for a sup, but
+      aw didn't care for that for it seemed to liven him up a bit, an' bi th'
+      time we stopt at Peterborough he jumpt aght to stretch his legs a bit an'
+      try what sooart o' ale they kept at th' station, an' he lukt leetsomer nor
+      awd seen him for a twelvemonth, an' when he coom back he'd a cigar in his
+      maath an' another for me. "What mak o' ale do they keep?" aw ax'd.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Muck! Aw wodn't sell sich stuff, an' th' glasses are nobbut like thimmels
+      an' they dooan't aboon hauf fill'em. It's a scandlous shame ha they
+      impooas o' fowk, if awd to do sich things aw couldn't sleep for thinkin'
+      on it," an as if to prove'at he nivver did owt o'th' sooart he lained back
+      his heead an' in a varry little time wor snoorin' away like a bacon
+      makker.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When th' train stopt at th' far end aw had to wak-ken him an' it wor noa
+      easy job. "Come on!" aw sed, "Ger up! Doesn't ta know'at we're at th' far
+      end?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it whear we are, awm nooan baan to get up!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But tha mun care, for tha'll be foorced to get aght here; an' whear's thi
+      luggage? If tha doesn't stir thi somdy'll run away wi' it!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He oppened one e'e abaat hauf way just to squint at me, "An' who's baan to
+      run away wi' it? Let me catch him an' awl bet ther'll be one Frenchman
+      less to feight th' next battle o' Waterloo! Awl poise his frog-aitin heead
+      off his shoolders if he touches owt o' mine!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's noa Frenchmen here; tha's nobbut getten to Lundun, an' tha munnot
+      tawk abaat poisin' when tha gets to France, tha'll ha' to leearn to
+      parleyvoo!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant care whether it's poisin' or parleyvoo-in', awl bet his heead
+      comes off schews ha!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Just then th' guard coom "All out here! Hi there! what's to do?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw knew th' guard an' he knew me. "O, it's nobbut a friend o' mine'at's
+      been asleep a bit an' didn't know we'd landed," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "And where is he off to? not to Paris surely? He'll be lost."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, he'll nooan be lost for awm'baan wi' him to luk after him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw didn't see owt funny abaat that but he laft wol aw thowt he'd getten a
+      spasm. "And who's going to look after thee, Sammywell?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, when aw want a bigger fooil nor misen to keep me company awl ax thy
+      maister if he can spare thee for a day or two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      My temper isn't as long as it used to be an' aw didn't relish a strackle
+      brain like him takkin' liberties wi' me, just as if he'd paid his fare an'
+      we'd been paid for commin', an' aw wor i' hauf a mind to goa to th'
+      firerup an' ligg a complaint, but Billy had his hand on his wayscoit agean
+      an' began grooanin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, what says ta," he sed, "are we to goa onny farther or stop whear we
+      are? Aw wor nivver fit to set off i' this state an' aw should nivver ha'
+      come but for thee. An' what are we to do wi' this luggage? An' what time
+      does train start? An' whear does it start throo? An' what are we to do wi'
+      ussen wol it does start? An' what's to come o' yond malt'at's masht? An'
+      ha does ta expect an old woman like mi mother to be able to tun? It wor a
+      wrang-heeaded affair ivver to set off an' if we nivver get back it'll be
+      thy fault."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bless mi life!" aw sed, "tha needn't goa! Tiler'll be a train back to
+      Bradforth directly! Aw dooan't want thi to goa if it's agean thi mind!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's nooan mi mind it's mi stummack! if aw worn't sufferin' like this aw
+      should be fain to goa; but say what it's to be; are we to goa forrad or
+      turn back?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw shall goa forrad an' tha can pleas thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then aw shall goa forrad if tha does. Goa an' find aght all particlars
+      an' see after this luggage an' mak all as reight an' square as tha can an'
+      then if ther's time, tak me somewhear to get summat to stir this pain. Awm
+      a deeal fitter for bed nor to be knockin' abaat like this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw left him wol aw made enquiries, but aw couldn't help wonderin' if Smith
+      had as mich bother wi' me when he tuk me raand to see th' Seets i' Lundun
+      as aw seemed likely to have wi' Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The best plan for you to do is to take a cab and get your luggage to
+      Victoria station, the train starts from there and they'll give you all
+      information," sed th' pooarter aw ax'd. Ther wor plenty on'em an' we gate
+      one an' wor sooin rollin' away. "Couldn't we ha' walked it, Sammy? Tha
+      knows walkin' is far better for me nor bein' shook to bits in a ditherin'
+      con-sarn like this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's too far to walk an' we'st be thear directly."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta emptied that bottle?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, does ta want summat? Awl stop th' cab in a minit."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does fa want summat?'coss if tha doesn't tha's noa need to stop th' cab
+      for th' sake o' me. Aw've been used to sufferin all mi life, an' happenfif
+      aw did get summat aw should be noa better."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But just then th' cab did stop an' when aw shoved mi heead aght to see th'
+      reason on it, thear wor th' same railway guard sittin' on th' dicky ov
+      another cab wi' my umberel ovver his shoolder, an' he wor grin-nin' like a
+      Cheshire cat. "Is this thy parryshute, Sammywell?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl shute thee if tha doesn't hand it ovver here!" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A'a, but aw wor fain to see him, for if awd lost that umberel aw nivver
+      dar ha' faced hooam! Ov coorse that wor a nice excuse to get aght an' have
+      a leek on. Billy called for a pot o' hauf an' hafe, an' when he gate it up
+      to his lips he held it thear soa long wol aw thowt he'd getten his teeth
+      fast i'th pewter an' couldn't leeav lawse, but when he did put it daan th'
+      bartender whipt it aght o'th' rooad ready for another customer an' Billy
+      wiped his lips and gave a sigh o' satisfaction'at wor like music to me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, what does ta think o: that?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Middlin', but it's rayther short o' malt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor soa thankful to get mi'nelly back wol aw stood treat twice raand.
+      "Aw'st ha' to be more carefui for th' futer," aw sed, "for aw wodn't pairt
+      wi' it for its weight o' new ens."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha did tha'd be able to start a shop," sed Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why not have your name put on it?" sed th' guard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bith' mass! aw nivver thowt o' that!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There's a shop next door but one, a regular umbrella hospital, I dare say
+      they would do it for you in a few minutes, and you've got plenty of time;
+      I'll stay with your friend till you come back."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw went, an' gate inside aw tell'd what aw wanted to a nice modest lukkin'
+      young woman, an' as sooin as shoo saw it, it seem'd to remind her ov her
+      early days, maybe shoo'd an old mother somewhear'at had one like it, or a
+      fayther moulderin' away i'th' churchyard'at had once been praad o' sich a
+      one. Aw ommost felt sooary aw'd spokken, for whativver it wor, it made her
+      bury her face in her white kertchy an' hurry away in a state o'
+      agitation'at touched me to th' quick. In abaat a minit, a young bit ov a
+      whipper-snapper ov a chap, wi' his hair pairted daan th' middle, comes,
+      an' aw tell'd him what aw wanted. He seized hold ov it an' began handlin'
+      it as if he'd noa more respect for it nor he had for hissen, (an' a
+      chap'at pairts his hair daan th' middle is nivver troubled wi' mich,) an'
+      then he started laffin' an' began axin' me all sooarts o' questions abaat
+      it." "Young man," aw sed, "Aw didn't come here to give th' history o' my
+      umbrella, aw coom to ax if yo could put mi name on it, an' if tha doesn't
+      stop off messin' it up an' daan awl come raand an' see if my shoe tooa can
+      stir thi brains a bit." He saw aw meant it so he sobered daan a bit an'
+      handed it back to me, an' he sed 'he wor varry sorry but it wom't i' their
+      line, but if aw tuk it across to a ironmonger's opposite aw should happen
+      be able to get a door-plate to fit it.' "An' if aw do," aw says, "awl come
+      for thy heead for th' door nop an' when aw come aght o' that shop yo
+      couldn't tell whear th' pairtin' o' that chap's hair had been, but awl bet
+      it wom't i'th' middle for a wick or two at after.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw didn't goa to th' ironmongers, but aw went back to whear aw'd left
+      Billy, but he wor soa taen up wi' th' guard wol aw sat mi daan, quietly to
+      wait an' as aw'd been put abaat a bit aw eased misen wi' havin' a tawk to
+      mi umberel.&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      What matters if some fowk deride,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' point wi' a finger o' scorn?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Th' time wor tha wor lukt on wi' pride,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Befoor mooast o' th' scoffers wor bom.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But awl ne'er turn mi back on a friend,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Tho' old fashioned an' grey like thisel;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But awl try to cling to thi to th' end,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Tho' tha'rt nobbut an old umberel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Whear wod th' young ens'at laff be to-day,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But for th' old ens they turn into fun?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Who wor wearin' thersen bent an' grey,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      When theirdays had hardly begun?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Ther own youth will quickly glide past;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      If they live they'll all grow old thersel;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' they'll long for a true friend at last,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Though it's nobbut an old umberel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Tha's grown budgey, an' faded, an' worn,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Yet thi inside is honest an' strong,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But thi coverin's tattered an' torn,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' awm feeard'at tha cannot last long.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But when th' few years 'at's left us have run,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      An' to th' world we have whispered farewells;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      May they say'at my duty wor done,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      As weel as mi old umberel's.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awd getten soa far when they called me to'em, an' after another sup we bid
+      gooid day to th' guard, gate into th' cab an' wor sooin at Victoria
+      station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we gate thear, we fan th' train didn't start till past eight o'clock.
+      "Nah, tha's getten us into a bonny mullock, tha has! Aw thowt tha reckoned
+      to know summat abaat travellin'. We've hauf a day to goa wanderin' abaat
+      an' me i' this state&mdash;net fit to walk a yard. What does ta mean to
+      do? We'd happen better caar here? An' ther's three quarters o' malt i'th'
+      mash at hooam an' here aw am hallockin' abaat fast what to do wi' mi
+      time."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat thy three quarters o' malt, Billy; if tha'rt soa
+      anxious abaat it tha should ha' stopt wi' it or else browt it wi' thi! Awm
+      baan to have summat to ait an' tha can pleas thisen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw nooan want to pleeas misen, net aw marry! Aw've come here o'
+      purpose to pleas thee. Do whativver tha likes it'll be reight to me; tha's
+      getten me here nah soa aw mun mak th' best on't."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We set off an' had a long walk an' aw could see'at he wor a bit capt as we
+      passed some o' th' big buildins an' monuments soa aw ax'd his opinion
+      on'em.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry fair, considerin'," he sed, "but aw expected findin' 'em bigger,
+      an' thes nooan on'em ovver cleean."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw sed, "tha'll have to goa a long way to find bigger nor theas."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They're noa bigger, accordinglye to th' place nor yond little haase o'
+      mine up at th' moor end."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk him into a place whear aw knew we could get a gooid meal at a
+      reasonable rate an' axt him what he'd have.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dunnot know what to say&mdash;ther's nowt aw dar touch wi' mi stummack
+      i' this state&mdash;thee order what tha likes."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm gooin' in for a mutton chop an' some fried puttates."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for
+      aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect it
+      willn't be fit to sup."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his didn't
+      last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for a matter
+      o' five minits nawther on us spake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine, but
+      if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to put
+      th' price on it awl warrant."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he
+      polished'em.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk o'
+      cake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas at
+      hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll agree
+      wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an'
+      we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see after
+      tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen shillin'
+      a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther must be some
+      mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it wor all reight,
+      ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd Billy, an' ax'd what
+      we should do.&mdash;"Do just as tha likes," he says, "tha has it all i'
+      thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can awther goa or stop just
+      as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich things, it's nobbut thee'at
+      has all th' knowledge;&mdash;but <i>aw know what aw wish.</i>"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets
+      an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy
+      slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin'
+      "Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he
+      sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to
+      set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we
+      could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight agate
+      o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd ha'
+      seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on a par
+      wi' all tha does!&mdash;but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember
+      thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a table
+      full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor sooin off,
+      but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa up stairs, so
+      we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses all grinnin'
+      an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a guess what it
+      meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor rainin' an'
+      blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th' Atlantic Ocean.
+      Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor fain to let mi
+      cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire rooap an' ther wor
+      noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him in a bit, "Tha'rt
+      varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he
+      lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just
+      abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet it
+      wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained ovver
+      to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw nivver
+      lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear an' aw
+      saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land,
+      whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a
+      little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood
+      to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas he
+      wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to
+      Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta
+      feel?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an' aw
+      tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll
+      goa straight back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable
+      carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened th'
+      sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin' in th'
+      harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle saanded an' th'
+      train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at hauf-past six o'
+      one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When we gate aght o'th'
+      station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to seek lodgins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th' sky,
+      an' finished off wi' starin' at me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well?" aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, it's nowt!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER III. JENDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9035.jpg" alt="9035 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9035.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit
+      to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an'
+      as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked
+      as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he wor.
+      "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they
+      liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin
+      aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try some
+      quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to Dick an'
+      run th' risk o' what it costs?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th'
+      winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th' shop
+      for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered an' a
+      young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an' dried
+      in a hurry, coom to meet us&mdash;"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain English?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny compronpa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English they
+      tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant
+      believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite&mdash;Have, you,&mdash;a&mdash;bedroom?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny compronpa."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt
+      touch her wi' th' tangs!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if th'
+      smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another try&mdash;French
+      this time,&mdash;"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed, "what is it
+      tha wants?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw reckon?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste&mdash;for aw should'nt
+      care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd
+      ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a bit
+      o' summat to ait if we want it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin
+      browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he nobbut
+      just tasted on it an' put it daan agean.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,&mdash;it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an'
+      sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do yo
+      allussell it warm like that?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep it i'
+      ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant know th'
+      difference&mdash;Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be
+      luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that
+      befoor yo've been long."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense&mdash;why, when
+      awm brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a
+      Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm
+      back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin it,
+      aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' place ud do weel enuff if ther wor owt to be made at it, but ther
+      isnt hauf as monny fowk as what ther's accomodation for, aw've lost a
+      gooid bit o' brass sin aw coom an' if yo ax other fowk they'll tell yo th'
+      same tale."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we'd finished he tuk us up a corkscrew staircase an' showed us two
+      raams&mdash;they wor cleean, thers noa denyin' that, an' they wor
+      furnished, after a fashion&mdash;part Parisian an' pairt Brummagem&mdash;aw
+      should think what wor in em booath had'nt been bowt for a penny less nor
+      thirty shillin', but ther wor white lace curtains up to th' winders an'
+      they lukt varry weel throo th' aghtside an' that wor all at mattered. We
+      booath on us wanted a wesh, an' on a little table we'd each on us a cream
+      jug an' sugar basin, an' we had to mak th' best on em; thear wor noa feear
+      on us sloppin' ony watter abaat, for if we had ther'd ha been nooan left.
+      After dippin' us finger ends in we rubbed us faces ovver an' tryin' to
+      believe at we wor a deeal better for th' trouble we started for a luk
+      raand aghtside. Aw thowt Billy lukt varry glum agean an' as he did'nt
+      offer to tell me th' reason aw axd him if ther wor owt'at had'nt suited
+      him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ther's nowt'at has suited me soa far, an' what's moor nor that ther's net
+      likely to be&mdash;an' to mend matters when aw come to luk i' mi box, awm
+      blessed if aw hav'nt come withaat a cleean shirt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw says, "ther's a shop across th' rooad at sells em soa tha can
+      easily mak that reight," soa we went inside an' aw tell'd him as plain as
+      iwer aw could spaik'at we wanted a shirt, an' aw pointed to his mucky
+      dicky. "Wee, wee," he sed, an' jabbered away, an' Billy tawked back to him
+      like a man, an' gave him sich a karacter i' broad Yorsher as awm sewer he
+      wod'nt want i' writin' if he wor lukkin aght for a fresh shop. Th' ticket
+      wor easy to read soa Billy paid him six francs an' walked away wi it in a
+      breet green paper box, an' we turned back to us lodgins for him to put it
+      on. He had'nt been up stairs long befoor aw thowt one ov his bilious
+      attacks had come on agean&mdash;"Sammy!" he bawled aght, "come here!" soa
+      aw went to see what wor to do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Luk thear! What does yond chap tak us for? Awm in a gooid mind to tak
+      this back an' shove it daan his throit! Is ther owt like a woman abaat me,
+      thinks ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thear it wor reight enuff, printed on th' box i' big letters, "Chemise."
+      "Well, he's varry likely made a mistak, here mistress!" aw sed as shoo wor
+      just passin th' door, "shirt&mdash;he wants a shirt an' they've seld him a
+      shift." Shoo lifted her e'e broos ommost to th' top ov her heead an' lukt
+      at th' box an' then shoo pointed to his dicky an' sed, "Chemise! wee,
+      wee."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Shoo's war nor a guinea pig, wi her ivverlastin' 'wee wee,'" sed Billy,
+      an' he wor shuttin' th' box up agean but shoo coom up an' tuk it aght an'
+      awm blowed if it wornt a shirt after all. After that we decided to goa to
+      th' Exhibition an' spend th' furst day thear&mdash;but as Billy wor
+      detarmined net to walk an' wod call at ivvery shop'at had one o' Bass's or
+      Alsop's cards ith' winder it tuk us wol after dinnertime to get thear, but
+      it wornt after th' time'at we could do wi a dinner for all that, but ther
+      wor soa mich to see wol aitin seem'd ommost aght o' th' question&mdash;even
+      Billy, although he wor walkin up an daan oppen maath seemed to ha
+      forgetten to grow dry. They manage theas things better i' France; (aw
+      fancy aw've heeard that befoor) but although aw know awst nivver be able
+      to do justice to it, yet aw think aw owt to give yo as gooid an' accaant
+      as aw can. Well then to begin wi; we'll goa back a little bit an' mak a
+      fair start.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In a strange country mooast things luk strange an' ith' walk we'd had we
+      saw a deeal at capt us, but nowt moor surprisin' nor th' amaant o' ugly
+      wimmen. We'd come prepared to be dazzled wi female luvliness an' grand
+      dresses but ther wor nowt at sooart to see. Th' mooast on em wor dark
+      skinned&mdash;sharp een'd, podgy-bodied, dowdy-donned crayturs'at lukt
+      varry mich like wesherwimmen aght o' wark. Th' chaps wor better lukkin' bi
+      th' hauf, but Billy sed he thowt they'd luk better if they'd stop off
+      suppin' red ink an' get some gooid ale an' beef onto ther booans. But
+      ther's one thing'at aw dooant believe ony Frenchman can do, an' that is,
+      slouch along th' street wi his hands in his pockets like a thorough-bred
+      Yorksherman! Even them at's huggin looads o' boxes an' hampers o' ther
+      rig, (sich looads as a Yorksher chap ud stand an' luk at wol somdy went
+      an' fotched a horse an' cart,) trip away as if they'd somewhear to goa,
+      an' as if ther feet had been created to carry ther body an' net as if it
+      wor th' body at had been intended to trail th' feet after it. An' yet
+      someha or other, nubdy seemed to be in a hurry&mdash;th' street cars are
+      run thear to save th' trouble o' walkin', but ther seems to be noa idea o'
+      savin time. If a chap wants to ride he nivver thinks to wait wol a car
+      comes up to him, he walks on till he ovvertaks one. Th' cabs are a little
+      bit better as regards speed but aw could'nt help thinkin' at if they'd
+      give th' horses moor oats an' less whip it ud be better for all sides. Aw
+      nivver i' mi life heeard owt like th' whipcrackin' at wor to be heeard
+      ith' busy streets, it reminded me o' nowt soa mich as th' fourth o' July
+      in America; ivvery driver wor alike an' ther whips went wi as mich
+      regilarity as a wayver's pickin' stick. To us it wor a newsance an' for
+      th' chaps it must ha been hard wark but th' horses did'nt seem to tak ony
+      nooatice&mdash;but if they give'em plenty o' whip aw dooant think they oft
+      kill'em wi wark, for we passed monny a team o' six or eight mucky lukkin'
+      grays, big booaned an' ill tended an' wi heeads on'em like soa monny
+      churns turned th' wrang end up, at wor walkin' i' single file an'
+      suppooased to be draggin' a waggon wi a looad ov abaat hauf a tun. Ther
+      wor noa shops or buildins'at had owt abaat'em to admire an' aw must
+      confess aw felt a trifle disappointed, but aw wor detarmined net to show
+      it, for Billy had curled up his nooas when he started aght an' if he did
+      spaik at all it wor allusth' same strain o' regret for what he'd left, an'
+      contempt for all he'd fun.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This wornt varry mich to be wondered at, as we discovered next day'at we'd
+      been trailin abaat throo all th' back slums an' had nivver once getten
+      onto th' reight track, an' it wor moor bi gooid luck nor gooid management
+      at we ivver fan th' exhibition buildin' at all, but when we did, even
+      Billy could'nt grummel. It wor a queer feelin at coom ovver me when aw
+      went in. Aw seemed to sink into insignificance all at once, an' aw
+      could'nt help thinkin' at ther wor happen moor trewth i' what awr Mally
+      had tell'd me nor awd felt inclined to admit,&mdash;Aw could see at Billy
+      wor as mich capt as me for he walked a yard or two an' then stopt to turn
+      raand, an' his een lukt fairly to be startin' aght ov his heead, an' his
+      lower jaw hung onto his shirt as if th' back hinge ov his face had
+      brokken. "Nah," aw says, "what does ta think abaat this? will this do for
+      thi?" but he nobbut gave me a luk an' withaat spaikin' went a yard or two
+      farther an' turned raand agean. After a while we gained th' oppen air
+      agean an' then we sat daan whear we could have a view o' th' watter fall
+      an faantens. "This is grand," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha says reight for once, an'to tell th' plain trewth nah, awm nooan
+      sooary aw've come, for it'll fit me to tawk abaat for monny a year."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, awm glad tha's fun summat to suit thi an' aw think tha will be
+      suited befoor we've done; for th' buildin' we've come throo is varry
+      little moor nor th' gateway to a show at occupies 140 acres. Aw dooant
+      think we've owt i' England to equal that!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Now!&mdash;Bith' heart! Sammy; if a chap could nobbut get that buildin'
+      at a easy rent, an' start it as a brewery it ud lick owt o' th' sooart we
+      have! Tha sees ther's plenty o' gooid watter&mdash;yo could pile yor
+      barrels up ith' centre thear&mdash;therms plenty o' raam for th' waggons
+      to goa in an' aght&mdash;th' brewin plant could be fixed at this end&mdash;th'
+      malt an' hops could be kept i' one o' them steeples, an' th' grains could
+      be shot aght o' that winder. It mud ha been built for it. It nobbut wants
+      them moniments an' gim-cracks clearin aght, an' it could be made to do i'
+      noa time ommost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, Sammy aw must say awm fain aw've come, an if tha's a mind, we'll
+      get aght o' th' sun an' see if we can get summat to sup, but we will'nt
+      have ale this time; aw dooant feel to care soa mich abaat it just nah. If
+      tha's nowt agean it we'll join at one o' them bottles o' red ink; it can
+      nobbut pooisen us'schews ha."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw felt soa mad wol aw could'nt help wishin' at it wod pooisen him for aw
+      thowt he desarved it. We went to a bonny little place whear aw saw some
+      bottles an' glasses, aw dooant know what to call it, but it wor a sooart
+      ov a goa between a public haase an' a summer haase, an' aw managed to mak'
+      a bonny young lass understand what we wanted, an' shoo sarved us wi a
+      smilin' face an' as mich curtseyin' as if we'd gooan to ax abaat th'
+      vallyation, an' when aw held aght a handful o' silver for her to tak pay
+      aght on, shoo nobbut tuk one French shillin, an' yo can buy em at tuppence
+      apiece less nor awrs. We thowt that wor bein' gentlemen at a varry cheap
+      rate. Yo may hardly believe it, but aw've paid three times as mich for
+      stuff'at has'nt been hauf as gooid,&mdash;"Aw call this reasonable," aw
+      says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Cheap as muck," sed Billy, "its worth that mich to see a bonny lass like
+      that&mdash;tha sees shoo's like a lady an' shoo knows manners too. Its a
+      thaasand pities at shoo connot tawk gradely English."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It is; shoo's to be pitied for that. English fowk have a deeal to be
+      thankful for, but happen shoo's satisfied, for shoo'll be able to
+      understand other fowk."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha munnat tell me at a lass like yond can ivver be satisfied wi a lot o'
+      gabberin' fowk at cant tawk soas to be understood, shoo's like yond
+      buildin' we've just come throo, shoo owt to be put to a better purpose.
+      A'a! what a brewus yond wod mak'!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha knows we've all noations ov us own, an' aw connot agree wi thee
+      thear. Tha seems to care nowt abaat art, all tha thinks on is ale."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, did ta ivver know onnybody at filled ther belly o' art? Nah aw've
+      known monny a one do it wi ale. That's th' way to luk at it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's thy way but it is'nt mine, but as time's gooin on lets goa into th'
+      place whear all theas wonderful things are to be seen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Goa thi ways, for thar't th' mooast restless chap aw ivver knew, tha'rt
+      like a worm on a whut backstun, an' if tha gets into a comfortable corner
+      tha will'nt stop. It's nice an' cooil here, but awst be sweltered i' th'
+      sunshine. If th' weather's owt like this at hooam it'll play the hangment
+      wi yond galcar."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Awm net gooin to say mich abaat th' Exhibition for one or two reasons&mdash;furst
+      is aw think it's been a deeal better done bi somdy else, an' second, it'll
+      tak up soa mich time, an' ther's net monny fowk at has'nt seen one, an'
+      they're all mackley&mdash;Its enuff to say at this licks all at's gooan
+      befoor it, an' 'at noa Englishman had ony need to shame for his country,
+      an' nubdy had moor cause for pride nor Yorksher fowk. We roamed abaat for
+      an' haar or two but feastin' one's een does'nt satisfy th' stummack, an'
+      soa aw hinted at we should goa to th' English buffet whear my guide book
+      sed we could get owt we wanted to ait an' find fowk at could tawk English.
+      As sooin as aw mentioned it Billy sed he cared nowt for a buffet, he'd a
+      deeal rayther have a arm cheer, but when aw explained what it wor he wor
+      ready enuff to goa. Awd been warned befoor aw coom abaat extortion an'
+      roagery an' tell'd what awful charges they made for simple things, but aw
+      meant havin summat daycent to ait whativver it cost&mdash;soa we sat daan
+      an' ordered soop, an' a plate o' rost beef an' puttates, an' some roily
+      polly puddin for a start, an' we thowt if that wornt enuff, we'd ax if
+      they could give us a plate o' pie. We sooin gate throo th' soop, but we
+      sat a long time waitin' for th' rost beef to follow. Next to Billy wor a
+      Frenchman an' his wife,&mdash;(aw sup-pooas Frenchmen have wives
+      sometimes,)&mdash;an' one o' th' waiters browt him a nice plate o' boiled
+      chicken, soa we thowt, but he didnt seem to tak onny noatice on it but
+      went on wi his tawkin&mdash;Billy kept lukkin first at him an' then at th'
+      plate an' at last he turned to me an' says, "This chap doesnt seem hungry
+      an' its a pity to see this gooin cold," soa he shifted th' plate an' began
+      to wire in. It did'nt tak him aboon three minutes to finish th' lot an' he
+      passed back th' empty plate,&mdash;an' just then th' waiter coom wi awr
+      rost beef. We'd just getten fairly started when th' Frenchman turned raand
+      to begin, an' when he saw th' plate wi nowt on it he lukt as if he could
+      ha swallered them at had swallered his dinner, an' he called for th'
+      waiter an' be th' way he shaated an' shrugged his shoolders it wor plain
+      to be seen'at he wor lettin somdy have it hot, but that did'nt affect
+      Billy for he wor cooil enough an' stuck to his mark like a brick, but this
+      Frenchman wor detarmined net to let it drop soa easily, an' he stormed an'
+      raved as if he'd been robbed ov a pop-ticket, "Whats to do wi this cranky
+      fooil," sed Billy?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' waiter could spaik English an' he says, "This gentleman says that he
+      has had nothing to eat and he wont pay, and I am certain I brought him a
+      dish of stewed frogs, and now he wants to declare he's never seen them!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy's face went as white as mi hat, an' he dropt his knife an' fork,
+      "Nah, aw've done it!" he sed, spaikin' to me, "awst be pooisened, aw know
+      aw shall! It's all thy fault an' tha'll ha to answer for it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awd nowt to do wi it, tha should let stuff alooan at doesnt belang to
+      thi; but ha did they taste?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw thowt awd nivver had owt as grand i' mi life an' aw wor meeanin to
+      have another plate but nah at aw know what it wor awd rayther ha gien a
+      fiver nor ha touched sich-like powse. Tha mun promise me nivver to tell
+      when we get back, or else they'll plague me abaat it as long as they've a
+      day to live."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He seemed to ha lost his appetite after this, but aw stuck to mi corner
+      an' made a rattlin dinner an' when awd to pay, an' it wor nobbut two
+      franks an' a hauf (that's little moor nor two bob,) aw felt varry mich
+      inclined to ax em if they could let us have a bed for th' neet, an then
+      awd send for awr Mally an' live thear for six months, for awm sewer aw
+      could'nt live as cheap at hooam. Then we went to have a luk at th'
+      picturs, an' aw felt praader nor ivver as aw went throo th' English
+      gallery&mdash;it wor grand! but ther wor others at wor ommost as gooid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther wor a lot o' gooid paintins i' th' French gallery, an' it towt me th'
+      meanin o' what fowk call 'poor art,' for th' French art is too poor to
+      find clooas for th' men an' wimmen they paint, for throo one end o' th'
+      raam to t'other it lukt like nowt as mich as a empty swimmin bath whear a
+      craad o' wimmin, three rows deep, wor waitin' for th' watter to come in.
+      Billy pooled a handful o' copper aght ov his pocket an' reckoned to be
+      thrang caantin it, wol he gat aghtside, for he could'nt fashion to luk up,
+      an' aw felt thankful at Mally wor at hooam. Awve noa daat ther wor a deeal
+      o' beauty at we missed, an' a deeal o' things'at wor varry trew to natur
+      but its possible for trewth to be too bare-faced at times. It had getten
+      farish on ith' day when we coom aght, dazed and maddled wi th' wonders'at
+      we'd seen, (an' we had'nt seen a quarter o' what wor thear) an' we felt at
+      a cup o' teah, wod'nt do us ony harm soa we started off for us lodgins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy sed he'd had enough o' walkin' an' he wod'nt stir another peg till
+      we gat a cab, soa aw put up mi finger an' one coom. Aw tried all th'
+      French aw knew an' a gooid deeal o' th' English but he could'nt understand
+      a word, soa aw wrate th' name o' th' place an' th' name o' th' street on a
+      card an' gave it him an' he grinned like a Cheshire cat an' started off.
+      It wor then we began to find aght what Payris wor like. We went throo one
+      big archway at they call Arc de Triomphe de'Etoile, an' it fairly made us
+      tremmel. Aw lukt at mi guide book, (an' yo can do th' same if yo have
+      one,) an' gat to know all abaat it, an' what it had cost; aw cant say'at
+      it seems varry useful but its varry ornamental. We rattled on throo
+      bustlin streets whear th' shops wor palaces, an' ther wor soa mich to tak
+      us fancy at we tuk noa noatice o' th' cab chap wol he pooled up suddenly
+      ith' front ov a arched passage an' coom an' oppened th' door an' pointin
+      to th' haase he mooationed us to get aght. But it wom't th' reight shop!
+      'Café du Nord,' wor printed up an 'Manchester House,' wor on a big sign
+      an' 'English spoken,' wor i' big gold letters on th' winders but it wor
+      nawther th' same place nor th' same street at we'd left ith' mornin. Aw
+      gat aght to mak enquiries but Billy wod'nt stir. "Arnt ta baan to get
+      aght?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awst stir nooan wol yo find th' reight shop, awm varry comfortable here."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw did'nt feel varry comfortable, but aw went inside to mak a few
+      enquiries, but they mud as weel ha been Objibberaway Indians for ony sense
+      aw could mak on em, they did plenty o' bowin an' scrapin an' hutchin up o'
+      ther shoolders but that did'nt help me ony, soa aw gate hold o' one chap
+      bi th' collar an' tuk him an' planted him opposite th' words 'English
+      Spoken,' an' aw says, "Nah then, can ta read that?" "Wee, wee," he sed an'
+      off he set, an' aw lukt for th' cab an' Billy but awd hard wark to find
+      'it for ther wor a craad o' fowk gethered raand an' th' driver wor stampin
+      an' ravin away at Billy wol he fair fooamed at th' maath, an' aw felt
+      thankful just then'at aw did'nt understand French, for my belief is at he
+      wornt prayin for him to get aght but swearin at him for stoppin in, but
+      Billy wor lainin back smookin a cigar an' seemed to be enjoyin it. "Sacrey
+      mon dew!" he shaated at him. "Sacrey thisen, if tha wants," sed Billy,
+      "awst nooan stir aght o' this wol tha finds th' reight shop; if tha connot
+      find it awm sewer aw connot an' aw've trailed abaat wol awm stall'd."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But, for a blessin, th' chap at awd had hold on, coom back an' browt a
+      lass wi him, one at aw sup-pooas wor kept o' purpose for th' job, an' as
+      shoo happened to know as mich English as aw did French we gate on
+      famously. At last aw bethowt me o' th' railway station an' that shoo
+      seemed to understand, an' shoo tell'd th' driver summat, but he seemed to
+      think he'd had enuff on us, but aw shoved him o' one side an' set daan
+      along-side Billy, an' as he could see noa way else aght on it, he jumpt on
+      th' dicky an' tuk his revenge aght o' th' horse. Be-foor he gat us to th'
+      station aw saw th' haase we wor seekin soa aw stopt him, an' we gat aght,
+      an' as we gave him double his fare he gave us a flourishin' salute an
+      drave off. As aw wor gooin in at th' door Billy pooled me back an' pointed
+      to two little childer abaat eight year old an' he laft wol he could'nt
+      spaik for ivver so long, "He, he, he, ho! did ta ivver come across owt
+      like that? Tha mun tell Mally abaat that when tha gets hooam for it licks
+      all! Why even th' bits o' childer can tawk French!" an' it wor true too,
+      tho' when aw coom to consider abaat it aw did'nt see owt soa varry
+      wonderful in it after all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A cup o' teah an' a walk to th' railway station whear we gat a gooid wesh
+      for a penny, freshened us up a bit an' we prepared to spend th' furst neet
+      i' Payris th' same as mooast fowk do; that is, we started aght i' hoaps at
+      we should see summat at we should condemn after we'd seen it, an' deplore
+      th' existence ov th' varry things at form th' principal attraction for
+      nine aght o' ivvery ten at pay a visit to th' finest city ith' world,
+      whear gaiety flooats ovver th' surface o' ivverything an' th' cankerin
+      sorrow is busy deep ith' heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      A sorrowing heart ne'er seems as sad
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      As when'midst gaiety;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      You see beneath the flimsy veil,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Its writhing misery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      The apple with the golden rind,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The greedy eye gloats o'er,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But then, alas,'tis sad to find
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Dry ashes at its core.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      The smiling face, the beaming eye.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The soft and snowy skin;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Turns pleasure into horror when
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      We find all black within.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Better the humblest face and form.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      If virtue dwells therein;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Than all the beauties that adorn
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      The inward heart of sin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0053m.jpg" alt="0053m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0053.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0054m.jpg" alt="0054m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9054.jpg" alt="9054 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      OULEVARD des Italiens;&mdash;aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
+      saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut a
+      street after all.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
+      carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into one
+      fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry nearly
+      ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith' front
+      on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an' chattin
+      an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther wor one
+      thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther wives an'
+      ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt tell owt they
+      sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen. We walked along,
+      starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor strange to us. Th'
+      gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes, an' they wor leeted up
+      like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or cigar shops, an' th' leets
+      throo th' winders made all seem as breet as day ommost. Even Billy seemed
+      satisfied wi it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
+      corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
+      th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
+      away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook or
+      strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor varry gooid
+      friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th' Tuileries
+      Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor workin, an'
+      th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen furst rate,
+      an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an' he wor soa
+      takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry, an' it wornt
+      until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a maath. It wor
+      strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see awm leearnin
+      French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa, "When yo're i'
+      Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant think at th' ale
+      is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled on until we saw
+      summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we made for that. Aw
+      thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for some famous chap to
+      goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an' shooldered mi umberel an'
+      walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it wor noa use jfor we had to
+      pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot! It wor unlike owt awd ivver
+      seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat fairy land, but fairy land wor a
+      fooil to it&mdash;faantens an' flaars an' coloured lamps ivverywhear an'
+      ith' middle on it all wor a stage for doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we
+      wor lukkin at it a chap comes up an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver
+      saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life. "Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm
+      blessed if aw can tell whear aw've met thi befoor," an' he held aght his
+      hand to shake hands wi him an' as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved
+      him a ticket into it an' stood waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear,
+      soa aw tuk one an' gave th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw
+      at they wer nobbut programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up,
+      th' doncin stage wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young
+      wimmen aw ivver saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt
+      but angels,) an' ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy
+      an' me wor ith' front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver
+      forget, but one such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe
+      th' pen's been made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor
+      like. It wor indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin
+      an' attempt at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes
+      an' played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
+      em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an' wimmen, some
+      on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,&mdash;young, an' innocent;&mdash;will
+      ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net. An' soa that's what
+      all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an' temples is for. A
+      glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels to hide a festerin
+      sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck; an' bi that means to
+      thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an' seek for admiration, an'
+      applause for that which makes ivvery drop o' virtuous blooid i' yor body
+      stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th' inmost chamber o' yor heart to
+      mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister, Modesty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,) an'
+      then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut th' middle
+      word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat thear we
+      pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to, for we wor
+      just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho' aw dreamt a
+      gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha liked em, for
+      all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as aw could to get
+      aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi th' pooaker i' one
+      hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother to blow me up, an' fowk
+      a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh heeld booits, silk
+      stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw wor thankful to find at aw
+      wor at a safe distance throo em all, an' especially Mally. But ther wor a
+      fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw
+      could reight reckon it up, but when aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy
+      slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if ther'd been a whut cinder under me an'
+      flew to see what wor to do. It wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw
+      had'nt, one o' them two wod ha been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha
+      been Billy. Nah, awve monny a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage
+      ther is in a pair o' booits an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met
+      a brave man when in his shirt an nowt else&mdash;let a chap have his
+      booits an' his britches on, an' he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent
+      throo his heead or his heart, but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit
+      an' run th' risk o' havin' ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght
+      o' th' arms o' Morpheus, aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate
+      into th' next hoil an' went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an'
+      another chap, aw lukt varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha
+      lukt like at my age if they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've
+      allusseen him pictured in as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one
+      Englishman is equal to two Frenchmen at ony time&mdash;but like a lot moor
+      o' th' old sayins it isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can
+      bother a couple o' Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an'
+      this happened to be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us
+      booath if he'd takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he
+      left Billy an' stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt
+      aght for a chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that
+      settled him. If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf
+      as helpless, as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call
+      it ovver coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi
+      it,) hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off
+      Billy's bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin'
+      sheet; but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
+      shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
+      makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap he
+      wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does ta
+      think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
+      muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened up
+      he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets, an'
+      when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away as
+      mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest to
+      represent Liberty&mdash;republican liberty aw mean,&mdash;an' shoo shaated
+      an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+      altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+      an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+      sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo wol
+      shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked aght
+      as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another 'gooid
+      neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy ith'
+      mornin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0061m.jpg" alt="0061m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0061.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <h3>
+      DIMANCHE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9061.jpg" alt="9061 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9061.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony other
+      day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower nooat, an'
+      th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly, an' th' trees wave
+      ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they whisper to each other
+      an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may nobbut be a fancy, but
+      it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th' time o' bits o' upsets an'
+      bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th' rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o'
+      that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up pleasant memories an fond
+      con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a while amang mi fancies an' mi
+      follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast Billy wor waitin', an' aw could
+      see'at Sundy made a difference even to him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer,
+      an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on his top-pin', an' he'd treated
+      hissen to a shave for th furst time sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid
+      me gooid clothes early in the morning an' brush them and bring them back,
+      he's the valet de chambre.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi own
+      haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus, an' he'd
+      nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich obleeged to
+      yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen espescially, an'
+      then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an' donned awst be ready
+      to answer for it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Happen net,&mdash;but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
+      turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin a
+      bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a couple o'
+      cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor to be
+      sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been a
+      cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman wi
+      a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
+      nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
+      ha done for his braik-fast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle just
+      to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a handful
+      o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk aght one
+      france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a sodger, an'
+      he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin an' makkin bows
+      an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.&mdash;Thinks aw, a little brass
+      gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two chaps at hooam,
+      one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended that for em
+      booath.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began to
+      plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after starin
+      at me for a minit, he gave me a letter&mdash;When aw saw th' envelop aw
+      did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally an'
+      shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at Sammywell
+      Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood bi forriners,
+      shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i' Lundun," an'
+      pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Public Haase,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Payris."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0011" id="linkimage-0011"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0064m.jpg" alt="0064m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0064.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER V. VENDREDI.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      MALLY'S LETTER.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Deer Sammywell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If tha doesnt get this letter be sewer an' rite to let me know as awm
+      nooan fond o' wastin mi time penkin ower a piece a papper all for nowt an'
+      if tha does get it tha need'nt bother to let me know for awm ommost at mi
+      wits end an' fowks cryin shame on thi for leeavin me as tha does an' aw've
+      had nowt to ait nobbut a cup o' teah sin tha left except a beefsteak an' a
+      box o' pills an' ha they'll do for me aw connot tell yet but awl let thi
+      know next letter an' tha mun tell me iwerything tha does an' says for awve
+      had a nasty dream abaat thi an' aw fancied tha wor an' angel an' aw dooant
+      want thi to fly away an' leeav me befoor tha's settled thi club'at should
+      o' been paid last wick an' awr Hepsaba says at they'll happen present thi
+      wi a legion o' horror an' if they do aw want thi to leeav it behind for
+      we've lots o' flaysom stuff here already an' black clocks creeps abaat wi
+      as mich cheek as if it wor them at paid th' rent an' we're swarmin wi
+      flees noa moor at present soa tak care o' thi umberel an' be careful for
+      tha knows what aw meean for tha'rt a gronfather an aw believe awr
+      Hepsaba's child is gooin to have th' meeasles wi kind love noa moor at
+      present Billy's mother is ommost ranty abaat him for th' last brewin is
+      soa waik wol it will'nt run aght o' th' barrel an soa noa moor at present&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      A'a Sammywell ha can ta fashun
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      To leav thi wife i' this here fashion
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      When tha owt to be at hooam mindin thi wark.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But aw believe tha wor nivver fond o' wark.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Nah tha sees aw can rite as weel as thee an' if ther isnt as mich poetry
+      in it thers a deeal moor sense in it nor ther is ith' mooast o' thine soa
+      noa moor at present An' aw remane
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thi lawful wife an' dooant forget it
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mally Grimes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A'a! shoos th' same old lass as ivver shoo wor an' wi all her faults aw
+      love her still. "Nah Billy, whear are we to steer to to-day? What says ta
+      if we goa an' have a luk at th' Tuileries for they tell me at its a grand
+      spot?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it! Aw wish we wor gooin back hooam for aw call this a
+      waste o' booath time an' brass."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, tha'll begin to enjoy thisen nah an' awm sewer tha luks better an' aw
+      hav'nt heeard thi say owt abaat bein bilious sin yesterdy mornin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Bilious! Who th' duce does ta think can be bilious in a country like
+      this? Ther's nowt to get bilious on!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sewar tha's seemd to enjoy thisen as far as aitin an' drinkin's
+      consarned, happen tha'd like a bottle o' ale befoor we start off?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay aw want noa ale. Aw dooant fancy it here th' same as when awm at
+      hooam. Aw wonder ha mi poor mother's gettin on. Ther's that three quarters
+      o' malt, an' here am aw payin soa mich a day for hallockin mi time away
+      dooin nowt; but let's start off for if ther's owt to see we may as weel be
+      lukkin."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor a grand mornin, th' sky wor a breeter blue nor awd ivver seen it
+      an' as we walked on th' river side all wor gay an' bustlin, an' th' air
+      wor soa pure an' sweet wol it made us booath feel leeter, an' altho' it
+      wor varry whut it did'nt seem to weary us. Th' Tooileries, (yo can buy a
+      pictur on em for a penny,) aw shall'nt forget em in a hurry, we walked
+      raand em but it ud ha killed th' best pairt ov a day to ha done em
+      justice, pairt on em wor still standin up, blackened ruins, a monument
+      grim an' ghastly to testify to th' blind fury ov a lot o' misguided
+      fanatics at had escaped aght o' th' harness ov law's authority, an' to
+      gratify ther unreasonin desires for destruction, wrecked beauties, at
+      nawther ther brains nor ther purses had ever helpt to raise, an' left as a
+      legacy to others, th' cost an' th' labor to patch up, an' as far as can
+      be, replace what their senseless rage had destroyed, an' to try to blot
+      aght th' black stain,'at an' insane mob had left on the blooid red page ov
+      th' darkest day throo which fair France has passed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went throo th' Louvre next, an' if Payris could booast nowt else it
+      could still hold up its heead an' be praad;&mdash;even Billy wor varry
+      quiet as we went throo one gallery after another, an' aw must confess'at
+      aw wornt sooary when we gate aght for ther wor soa mich to dazzle one wol
+      th' pleasur wor painful. Just as we turned th' corner, Billy clapt his
+      hand o' mi shoolder an' browt us booath to a deead stand&mdash;"Sithee! by
+      gum! did ta ivver see sich a oonion as that i' thi life?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw lukt, an' reight enuff it wor a queer object at wor anent us, an' it
+      did'nt luk mich unlike a monster oonion th' wrang end up, an' as it sway'd
+      throo side to side it lukt like th' dome o' St. Paul's on th' rant, "Why,"
+      aw says, "that's th' baloon! What says ta if we have a ride?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whear too?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Up ith' air an' daan agean."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But what better shall we be when we get daan agean?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "When we goa up we shall be able to see all ovver Payris at once, an'
+      it'll be a grand seet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Will it!&mdash;Well if tha thinks awve come here to mak as big a fooil o'
+      misen as tha art, thart mistakken if tha wants to goa sky-larkin tha can
+      goa, but if awve ony larks awl have em o' th' graand."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, Billy, aw nivver thowt tha'd be flaid ov a bit ov a thing like
+      that, aw gave thi credit for moor pluck."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Pluck! does ta think at aw've kept a aleus at th' moorend all theas years
+      withaat pluck? Ther's moor pluck i' my little finger nor ther is ith'
+      whooal carcase ov a played-aght-old-poverty-knocker like thee, an' if aw
+      tak a fancy to goa up to th' mooin, aw shall goa!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We'd to pay a franc to get into th' square whear it wor, an' then it wor
+      20 francs to have a ride, "ray-ther a heigh price," aw sed to Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well its happen a heigh journey," he sed, "but awst want to have a gooid
+      luk at it befoor aw ventur, net at aw care owt abaat it whether its safe
+      or net, but just to see ha its contrived for commin daan. Well, aw do
+      wonder what they'll do next! ther's engines here big enuff to work a
+      factory, an' a rooap thick enuff to tug th' Great Eastern an' as mich
+      clooath used to mak that gurt bag as ud ha supplied ivvery poor body i'
+      Payris wi a new suit, an' as mich gas to fill it as ud sarve my aleus for
+      aw dooant know ha long; an' ther's as monny sailors to attend to it, as
+      John de Morgan can find sixpences ith' collectin' box, an' its all for
+      what? Nowt i' this world but to suit a lot o' strackle-brained fooils
+      at'll be just as wise, or less, after they've come daan as they wor befoor
+      they went up."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But i' spite o' all he had to say he meant gooin up, aw could see; net at
+      he wanted, an' net becoss he'd noa fear abaat it, but just on accaant o'
+      me havin spokken as aw did, an' rayther nor be thowt to be short o' pluck,
+      he'd ha gooan up if he'd felt sewer he'd nivver ha come, daan. Aw cant
+      say'at aw felt varry mich up on it, but aw wornt gooin to give Billy th'
+      chonce to crow ovver me, soa we went to th' little office an bowt a ticket
+      apiece an' wor sooin stood up amang a scoor moor in a big raand mahogny
+      tub'at they called a car. Th' time coom for us to be off an' after as mich
+      bustle an' shaatin as if we wor gooin to th' north powl, th' captain,&mdash;(Aw
+      suppooas he'd be a captain;)&mdash;sed, "Now we're off!" in as plain
+      English as aw ivver heeard. But aw did'nt see'at we wor gooin up at all,
+      for we did'nt seem to stir, but when Billy lukt ovver th' edge he turned
+      to me an' says, "E'e'gow! lad, th' world's tummelin!" An' that wor just
+      like what it seemed like, for asteead o' us seemin to be leeavin th'
+      world, th' world seemed to be leeavin us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Well, it wor a wonderful seet reight enuff; but when we'd getten to th'
+      end ov th' journey, an had mustered courage enuff to have a gooid stare
+      raand, Payris nobbut lukt a littlish spot compared wi all we could see
+      beyond it. A chap'at acted as guide gave a lectur, an' pointed aght
+      ivverything worth noatice, but as it wor all i' French it wor Dutch to
+      Billy an' me. We coom daan as gently as we'd gooan up, an' aw fancied at
+      we all seemed in a bigger hurry to get aght nor we'd been to get in&mdash;When
+      we stud once agean o' solid graand Billy stamped on it to mak sewer at it
+      did'nt shake an' findin it as firm as usual he turned to me, "Well, what
+      does ta think on it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, awm glad we've been up," aw sed, "for it 'll be summat for us to
+      tawk abaat."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, but awm glad we've come daan, for if we had'nt ther'd ha been
+      summat moor to tawk abaat, an' ony chap at'll goa up i' that consarn aboon
+      once, unless he's weel paid for it, owt to stop up. Sup-pooas th' rooaps
+      had brokken whear should we ha stopt thinks ta? Happen ha gooan up an' up
+      wol we'd struck bang agean th' top an' had to stick thear! It's what aw
+      call flyin ith' face o' Providence an' its a thing'at owt to be stopt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whear shall we goa next; suppooas we try Notter dame."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Try who tha likes if they sell a daycent article."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wornt meeanin owt to ait an' drink, aw meant a famous church'at ther
+      is."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Suit thisen, but awst nooan caar long to hear th' New Testyment made a
+      fooil on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We walked daan th' river side an' grand it wor&mdash;th' watter is a deeal
+      cleaner nor th' Thames, but th' river's varry narrow an' ther's bridges
+      ivvery few yards. Th' steeam booats wor full o' gaily dressed men an'
+      women, an' music wor playin, an scoars 0' little booats wor skimmin along;
+      all lukt lively an' fowk seemed happy. At ivvery convenient spot ther wor
+      men fishing wi ther long rods, an' lollin ith' sun watchin th' bit o' cork
+      bob up an' daan ith' watter; an' aw may as weel mention it here; aw saw
+      th' same chaps ivvery day ith' same spots, sometimes early ith' mornin,
+      sometimes when it wor ommost to dark to see, noa matter whativver time aw
+      passed they wor at ther old pooasts. Judgin bi ther dress they wornt
+      fishin for a livin, an' after lukkin at ther baskets an' nivver bein able
+      to see at one on em had getten owt, aw made it aght at they must be fishin
+      for enjoyment, an' aw hooap they catched it. Wol aw wor takken up wi
+      watchin'em Billy wor tryin to mak aght what wor gooin on o' th' other
+      side. "Sithee, Sammy! What's all yond; wimmen reckonin to be dooin? Are
+      they weshin'?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He'd guessed reight, an' thear they wor in a long shed at seemed to be fit
+      up wi ivverything they wanted, soa far as we could see at that distance,
+      an' they wor splashin an' brayin an' stampin an' tawkin as if ther lives
+      depended o' which could mak th' mooast ov a slop an' th' biggest din. As
+      we went walkin on, one o' th' seets at lukt to us mooast strange, wor th'
+      number o' men walkin abaat i' black petticoits an' brooad brimmed hats. If
+      a chaps face is an index to his karracter, as some fowk say it is, th'
+      fewer o' th' priests, sich as we met, an' th'better for th' country aw
+      should think. Aw dooant want to say owt to offend onybody, but to be
+      truthful awm foorced to say 'at aw pivver saw sich a lot o' ill favvord
+      fowk i' mi life, an' if Madam Tooswords wants to add another chamber o'
+      horrors to her show shoo could'nt do better nor get th' casts o' some o'
+      their mugs. Ther's noa likelihood o' ony wolves destroyin ony o' their
+      flocks, soa long as they've sich scarecrows for shepherds. Still they
+      seemed a jolly lot, but just as we gate to th' Cathedral a oppen cab
+      drives up, wi a priest in it i' full cannonicals, white lawn sleeves an'
+      all to booit; but th' seet on it knocked th' wind aght 0' booath Billy an'
+      me.&mdash;Aw dooant say'at what we saw wor wrang&mdash;aw say at it did'nt
+      luk reight to us&mdash;for he wor lollin' back ith' cab, dressed as awve
+      tell'd yo, withaat hat, an' smokin a short public haase clay pipe&mdash;It
+      saands strange to yo awve noa daat, but its true, an' when he jumpt aght,
+      he lifted up his petticoit an' pooled some paper aght ov his pocket, an'
+      stuffed some into th' pipe heead, put it in his pocket, spit onto th'
+      porch ov a temple erected for th' holiest o' purposes, an' makkin some
+      mooation at aw did'nt understand, he walked in, aw hooap wi motives purer
+      nor his clooas or his breeath wor likely to be. At ivvery corner at yo'd
+      to pass, wor a woman kneelin on a cheer, an' dressed to luk as solemn as a
+      mute at a funeral, an' to render as ugly as possible, faces an' forms'at
+      God had made beautiful; an' they'd each on 'em a bag i' ther hand wi a few
+      coppers in it, an' they shook'em as yo went past. Aw did drop a copper
+      into one but Billy wod'nt, for he sed if they wanted to cadge let'em goa
+      aght into th' street an' cadge reight. He'd hardly getten th' words aght
+      ov his maath when he sprang back an' planted his heavy booit fair at top
+      ov a corn at awve been nursin for th' thick end o' thirty year, an' made
+      me exhibit a one-legged performance at wor somewhat aght o' place just
+      then, but Billy wor too mad to tak ony noatice, an' wor havin a row wi a
+      long lank wizzened carcase an' face at belanged to a woman at stood behind
+      a little table, an' had a little besom in her hand, but when Billy axed
+      her what shoo'd done that for? shoo held up a bag wi some moor coppers in
+      an' shook it at him grinnin at him like a monkey. "What's to do?" aw ax'd
+      for it wornt a place to kick up a disturbance in&mdash;"Shoo's slarted me
+      all ovver mi face wi watter aght o' that besom."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tak noa noatice," aw sed, "it's a practice they have i' this country to
+      sprinkle fowk wi what they call holy watter;&mdash;ha mich did ta pay her
+      for it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Pay her! does ta think aw've gooan cleean of th' side?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, if tha hasnt paid her owt tha's lost nowt an' tha sees shoo has
+      lost her watter, an' her trouble."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' watter will'nt matter much for shoo'll be able to mak some moor as
+      sooin as that's done, an' as for th' trouble,&mdash;if awd had her
+      aghtside awd ha gein her trouble. But Sammy, is this a church or is it
+      some sooart ov a bazaar? Sithee, thers a woman thear sellin candles, an'
+      another little picturs an' gimcracks, aw did'nt know they allaad fowk to
+      sell stuff in a church. "What's yond chap dooin." We went to see, an' he
+      wor tawkin away at a gate an' as fowk went in he handed em a ticket for
+      which they paid. We follered an' he gave us each a ticket for 50c. an' we
+      went to see th' wonders o' th' Treasury, as it wor called. Aw quite agree
+      wi Billy'at it wor a sell, for ther wor little to see, an' that little not
+      near as well worth seein as ony silversmiths shop winder. We did'nt stop
+      long thear, but we had a long stroll throw th' buildin, an' it is a wonder&mdash;its
+      a whoal mass o' beauties&mdash;an' someha it has'nt soa mich ov a luk ov a
+      gravestooan makkers show raam, as awr St. Paul's an' Westminster Abbey&mdash;but
+      one thing spoilt it all to me, for it seemed to sarve noa purpose nobbut
+      money makkin, an' aw wonderd if th' time ud ivver come when another Man
+      should mak a scourge an' drive aght th' desecraters ov His Father's temple&mdash;It's
+      ommost time!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we left that grand old pile, we crossed a street an' entered a
+      buildin whear daily can be seen th' mooast sorrowful an' sickenin seet i'
+      Paris. Aw meean th' Morgue. When th' remembrance ov ivvery other seet has
+      faded, that'll still be fresh. It will'nt be rubbed aght an' yo connot
+      blot it aght, aw wish aw could. Billy gave one glance raand&mdash;"Aw'll
+      wait for thi aghtside," he sed, an' he wod'nt ha had long to wait if it
+      had'nt been'at aw felt it a sooart ov a duty to see all at wor to be seen.
+      It wor a scorchin hot day aghtside, but as sooin as yo entered this bare
+      comfortless lukkin place, yo felt a chill creep all ovver yo. Why it is'at
+      places intended to contain objects soa repulsive should be contrived i'
+      sich a way as to add to th' painfulness o' th' Exhibition aw could nivver
+      tell; but soa it is. Even i' Payris, whear glass an' glitter meets yo at
+      ivvery turn, an' ornamentation runs wild ovver ivverything, recent or
+      ruined, they could'nt spare one solitary touch to soften an' subdue soa
+      agonizin a show&mdash;But th' place wor full o' fowk an' 'at ther wor
+      summat moor nor common aw could guess. Inside a big glass screen, like th'
+      winder ov a fish shop, wor a big braan stooan slab wi watter tricklin
+      ovver it, an' on it wor laid three bodies'at had been pickt aght o' th'
+      river; one a man, but aw will'nt say owt abaat it&mdash;it wor too fearful
+      for me to try to paint it&mdash;one wor a bonny little lad abaat four
+      years old, weel nourished, an' ivvery thing it had on throo its shoes to
+      its hat showed ha praad sombody had been on it&mdash;My heart ached as aw
+      thowt o' that poor mother at wor somwhear lamentin' her loss, an' yet
+      buildin up hooaps at one glance at that little face wod settle for ivver&mdash;But
+      it wor th' third, raand which th' craad wor clusterin;&mdash;it wor that
+      ov a young woman, beautiful i' booath face an' form&mdash;soa beautiful'at
+      it wor hard to believe her deead. What could have caused her put an end to
+      a life'at had hardly fully blossomed into womanhood? It could'nt be
+      poverty, for th' jewels still on her small white hands, wod ha beep enough
+      to ha warded off want for a long time; 'er whole dress showed signs ov
+      wealth an' extravagance. Aw could nobbut wonder an' feel sad an' repeat
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      "Has she a Father?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a mother?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a sister?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Has she a brother?
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Or is there a nearer one
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Still, and a dearer one?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It lukt hard to see one soa young an' fair laid o' that weet stooan, past
+      all help&mdash;One could but sigh an' walk away
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      "Admitting her weakness,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Her evil behaviour;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      But leaving with meekness,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Her sins to her Saviour."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When aw joined Billy agean aw wor startin to tell him all abaat it&mdash;"Shut
+      up!" he sed, "aw saw quite enuff, an' aw want to hear nowt noa moor abaat
+      it. If it suits thee to goa maunderin abaat seekin' foi sorrow, it doesnt
+      me. Aw want summat to ait, an' it'll have to be summat substantial, soa
+      leead th' way into th' furst place tha comes to at tha thinks gradely."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We kept walkin on, an' havin soa mich to luk at, we went a long way
+      withaat callin, but at last aw sed, "Wod ta like a plain sooart ov a shop
+      or mun we goa to a showy spot?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw care nowt abaat it whether its plain or net if ther's summat fit to
+      feed a true born Englishman throo Yorksher, but tha'll ha thi wark set to
+      find a place here'at isnt showy&mdash;in fact as far as aw can judge, it's
+      moor show nor owt else i' this blessed country; th' Exhibition is a big
+      show&mdash;th' baloon's another show&mdash;yond doncin demons wor a show&mdash;th'
+      churches are turned into shows&mdash;ther deead haase is a show&mdash;ther
+      buildins are stuck up an' bedizened wi gingerbreead an' gilt, all for show&mdash;th'
+      men an' wimmen are all shuffle an' show&mdash;an' sithee here! awm blowed
+      if ther isnt a church steeple stuck up for a show! Well, that's a rum en!
+      Aw've monny a time seen a church baat steeple but this is th' furst time
+      aw ivver saw a steeple baat church!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Its true what tha says, an' a grand monument it maks ith' middle o' this
+      square. It luks weel doesnt it?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Luks! aw care nowt abaat ha it luks! What is it for? That's what aw want
+      to know! What's th' use o' fillin up a place wi stuff at's o' noa use
+      nobbut to be lukt at?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They'll nivver stick thee up to be lukt at, for tha am't hansom enuff,
+      soa tha need'nt freeat!" aw says, for aw felt a bit nettled.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw dooant hardly think they will, an' aw should fancy they havnt
+      been to ax thee yet, have they? Aw think my turn'll be abaat th' next
+      after thine."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw did'nt answer him back, for a varry gooid reason; as long as a chap
+      tawks sense awl tawk to him, but as sooin as he maks a fooil ov hissen
+      aw've done.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah then, will this shop suit thi?" aw sed, as aw stopt anent a
+      resteraunt door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If its fit for a littleary chap like tha reckons to be, it should be
+      gooid enuff for a chap at keeps a aleus at th' moor end."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha thinks tha can get my monkey up wi mak-kin a desplay o' thi own
+      stupid ignorance tha'rt varry much mistakken! for awl nawther be put aght
+      o' temper wi thee nor a man twice as gooid! an' if tha'rt anxious to be
+      shut o' mi cumpny, aw think awst be able to spare thine!" an' aw walked on
+      leavin him to suit hissen whether he follerd me or net. Aw went to th' end
+      o' th' street an' wor just enterin another square wi another big monument
+      ith' middle, when aw turned raand to see if he wor comin, an' just as aw
+      did soa aw felt as if a cannon ball had landed o' mi stummack. A
+      potbellyed Frenchman, donned i' red britches, an' a black coit an' a white
+      appron teed raand him baanced abaat a yard off on me an' began tawkin an'
+      shruggin his shoolders an' poolin his face into all sooarts o' shaps&mdash;nah
+      it ud ha been better for him if he wor anxious to mak mi acquaintance, to
+      ha chosen another time&mdash;Aw did'nt loise mi temper, coss awd made up
+      mi mind'at aw wod'nt, but aw just gave him one for his nob'at sent him
+      spinnin like a castle top, an' his hat flew monny a yard, an' aw stood
+      ready to give him another o' th' same sooart if he thowt it worth his
+      while to fotch it, but he did'nt, an' varry sooin two or three gethered
+      raand us an' lukt as if they meant mischief to me, but aw kept cooil&mdash;aw
+      wor detarmined aw wod'nt be put aght o' temper; an' aw seized hold o' mi
+      umberel an' aw just felt as if aw could fettle abaat a duzzen on em&mdash;or
+      two duzzen for th' matter o' that,&mdash;its cappin what a chap fancies he
+      can do if he nobbut keeps cooil.&mdash;Just then Billy coom up an' th'
+      Frenchman went up to him an' aw suppooas bi th' way he kept pointin to me,
+      he wor tryin to explain matters, an' although Billy could'nt tell a word
+      he sed he seemed to understand what he meant, an' he sed to me, "come on
+      Sammy, awve ordered steaks an' puttates for two, an' another bottle o' red
+      ink. Tha's nowt to be feeard on, it'll be all reight."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Feeard on! ther's nowt aw am feeard on! Aw shuddent be feeard o' thee if
+      tha wor twice as big as tha art, aw can tell thi that mich! Tha's been
+      tryin all tha knows this mornin to mak me loise mi temper, but tha'rt
+      suckt, for it'll tak a better man nor thee!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw dooant think tha has lost it, Sammy, it'd be a gooid job if tha
+      had, an aw should pity th' chap at fun it, but ther's a treat for thi; tha
+      could'nt ha pickt aght a better shop nor this if tha'd gooan all throo
+      Payris, for ther's a stooan mason throo Manchester gettin his dinner, an'
+      he can tawk awther French or English, an' he's knockt off wark for th'
+      day, an' he's willing to show us raand."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This wor gooid news an' it made me feel&mdash;(not better tempered, becoss
+      awd nivver been aght o' temper, tho' Billy swears to this day at aw wor as
+      mad as a wasp, but then he's a poor judge o' human natur is Billy;) but it
+      made me feel moor,&mdash;well, moor,&mdash;aw hardly know what to say, but
+      yo'll know what aw meean, for awve noa daat yo've felt that way yorsen.
+      When we gate in, he wor as pleeased to see us as we wor to see him, an' he
+      sooin made th' Frenchman, (who turned aght to be th' maister) understand
+      ha things stood, an' then he shuk hands wi me an' bowed, an' sed summat;
+      an' th' mason tell'd me at he wor sayin 'he wor varry sooary if he'd hurt
+      me, an' hooaped aw should forgie him;' "Ov coorse," aw sed, "tell him awm
+      one'at nivver bears malice, an' at he mun thank his stars he met me when
+      he did, for if aw had'nt happened to be i' th' best humour ith' world, aw
+      should ha fettled his nop for him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, friend, be sewer an' tell him that for it'll happen saand moor like
+      trewth i' French nor it does i' English&mdash;" Th' steaks happenin to
+      come in just at that time put an' end to th' tawk, an' it wornt long
+      befoor we put an end to th' steak. Then they browt us a big dish o' fruits&mdash;grapes
+      an' plums an' apples an' peaches, an' we had a reight tuck in. "Aw dooant
+      think aw've etten as mich crash sin aw wor a lad," aw sed, an' Billy sed
+      he wor sewer he had'nt, an' he'd noa idea it wor as gooid as it wor!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well," th' mason sed, "that is owing to the climate, you would'nt enjoy
+      the same things as well at home&mdash;I get fruit for breakfast. I dont
+      think you drank much claret when you was at home."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm sewer we did'nt," sed Billy, "for aw supt nowt but ale, an' nah aw
+      hardly feel to care for it. But aw dooant think ale's as gooid here as it
+      is at hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It ought to be for it comes from the best English breweries, but look at
+      these workmen gettin their dinners, they look a fine set of men."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      An' they did, an' Billy an' me did watch em, as aw began wonderin whether
+      or net it wor true, at English fowk had all th' sense ith' world. Its
+      worth while givin an' accaant o' their dinner, for this book will noa daat
+      fall into th' hands o' monny a workin' chap at's apt to grummel even if he
+      has to put up wi a beefsteak at hasnt come off th' steak booan, an' it may
+      do him noa harm to know ha other fowk live.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One bottle o' claret, for which they paid a franc&mdash;a looaf, abaat a
+      yard long, an' abaat as thick as mi arm, for which they paid half a franc&mdash;a
+      jug o' cold watter an' three tumbler glasses. Aw wonder what three stooan
+      masons at hooam wod ha made aght o' that for ther dinner&mdash;fifteen
+      pence wor all it cost for three on em. They each hawf filled ther glass wi
+      wine, then filled it up wi watter, an' then divided th' looaf into three,
+      an' each takkin a fooit on it, they pooled pieces off an dipped it into
+      ther wine an' watter an ate it wi a relish. "Sewerly," aw sed, "tha doesnt
+      mean to say at that's all they'll ha to ther dinner."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But it is, and what may surprise you to know is that breakfast and supper
+      only differ by the addition of fruit or some simple vegetable, and yet
+      they can work for twelve hours a day, and they dont look bad."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They're three o' th' finest chaps aw've seen sin aw coom into Payris," aw
+      sed, "but aw should think they'll hardly be able to do as mich wark as
+      Englishmen?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, its generally thought so, but my experience is that they do&mdash;They
+      never break any time&mdash;I have been here nearly two years and have over
+      two hundred men under me&mdash;and there has never one lost a day through
+      drink since I came."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, its cappin isn't it Billy? one could hardly ha believed it if they
+      had'nt seen it. What wod English masons think if they'd to be stopt off
+      ther beef an ale?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nay, its flaysome to think on, it maks me low spirited,&mdash;let's sup
+      off an' be gooin&mdash;its as ill as th' deead haase is this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0013" id="linkimage-0013"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0084m.jpg" alt="0084m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0084.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0014" id="linkimage-0014"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9084.jpg" alt="9084 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9084.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      ETER,&mdash;that wor th' name'at this stooan mason had been kursened,&mdash;agreed
+      to spend th' rest o' th' afternooin an' neet wi us, an' show us what he
+      could. Aw had'nt forgetten seein th' monument at th' time awd had a dust
+      wi th' Frenchman, an' soa aw propooased we should goa thear furst, an' we
+      did&mdash;at th' furst seet it reminded me o' th' monument o' London, but
+      it proved to be summat far hansomer, for it wor th' Vendome column. Awd
+      read abaat it befoor an' knew all abaat th' silly lumpheeads'at spent days
+      o' labor to pool it daan, as if bi destroyin that they could blot aght th'
+      memory o' th' man it wor raised to honor; whearas if it wor possible to
+      sweep ivvery stick an stooan'at forms ther splendid city, off th' face o'
+      th' eearth, an' leeav nowt but a barran tract o' land in its place, noa
+      pilgrim wanderin ovver it but what wod find his thowts circlin raand th'
+      memory ov Napoleon. All honour to them, who while strivin to wrest an
+      empire from his successor's grasp, raised once agean this monument to his
+      fame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It ud be wearisome if awd to attempt to describe all th' grand buildings,
+      statys, faantens an' churches'at we passed&mdash;Peter wor ivvedently at
+      hooam, an' could show us moor i' hauf a day nor we should ha seen in a
+      wick&mdash;Just a passing word abaat one an' then awl leeav writin abaat
+      what yo can read abaat i' scoors o' books beside this, an' give an idea or
+      two abaat things'at other writers awther havnt seen or darnt tell. La
+      Madaleine,&mdash;that's th' name ov a church&mdash;but it does'nt luk a
+      bit like a church, its far moor like St. George's Hall at Liverpool, but
+      ther's summat far grander abaat it. It wor oppen free, an' we went in.
+      Inside it lukt as Billy sed, 'far moor like a gurt cungerin show nor a
+      church,' but ther wor noa mistak abaat its beauty. Ther wor a gooid lot o'
+      fowk in, mooastly strangers like ussen, but here an' thear wor one'at
+      seemed to have moor serious business on hand. Unless ther's moor virtue in
+      a candle nor aw think ther is, ther's a fearful waste o' wax gooas on i'
+      that spot, for ther wor scoors burnin, net to give leet, that awm certain.&mdash;Peter
+      sed it wor a custom wi em to burn a lot o' candles after th' deeath o'
+      onybody, soa as to leet ther soul into th' next world,&mdash;aw dooant
+      think it does ony harm, an' if it satisfies em, its as weel to say nowt
+      abaat it, but when my time comes aw hooap ther'll be a breeter way to show
+      me th' rooad nor what them candles seemed to give. Although they let yo in
+      for nowt, yo'd hard wark to get aght withaat payin summat, but we did
+      manage it, an' felt better suited wi ussen,&mdash;net'at we wor too meean
+      to pairt wi a copper or two for th' seet wor worth it, but becoss we
+      did'nt agree wi th' principle on it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Another wonder worth mentionin, is th' New Grand Opera House, but altho'
+      it did cost a million paands sterlin it ud be as mich as mi heead wor
+      worth, if awd to say at it wor owt fit to be compared wi th' New Grand
+      Opera house they've built i' Leeds, becoss ther nivver wor sich a place as
+      that, accordin to all accaants, an' if th' architect should ivver 'shuffle
+      off this mortal coil,' aw hooap they'll put him in a bottle, an' set him
+      up ith' Philosophical Museum as a new curiosity, for ther's nivver been
+      owt fresh put in sin aw wor a lad, an' that's a year or two sin&mdash;th'
+      last time aw wor thear aw thowt th' mumny lukt fair looansome. It's a pity
+      at th' Grand Opera Haase i' Payris doesnt pay, but what it falls short,
+      th' government maks up, an' its to be hooaped'at if th' Leeds "Grand"
+      does'nt pay'at th' Corporation'll suppooart it aght o' th' rates&mdash;for
+      awm gien to understand at it wor nivver built wi th' idea o' makkin a
+      profit aght on it, but nobbut to elevate th' public taste, tho' they tak
+      gooid care'at yo get noa taste 0' th' elevation unless yo pay to go in.
+      When aw read th' Leeds Mercury, (aw allusread all th' theatrical news i'
+      their paper,) an' saw all they had to say abaat it, it reminded me ov a
+      chap aw knew'at lived at Halifax, an' when ivver ony friend called to see
+      him, he used to delight i' marchin em abaat th' taan to show em th'
+      wonders, (an' ther is some wonders i' Halifax, ther's noa denyin that;&mdash;an'
+      to me th' biggest wonder ov all is at th' taan's thear at all,) but he
+      allusfinished off wi takkin em daan bi th' old church to have a luk at
+      Beacon Hill&mdash;"Nah then," he'd say, "what does ta think abaat that for
+      a hill? Th' sun has his wark to get ovver that i' daycent time in a mornin
+      tha can bet!" An' if th' chap he's showin it too should happen to say'at
+      'he'd seen hills ten times as big,' he'd shak his heead an' say&mdash;"Awve
+      heeard fowk tawk like that befoor; but it's th' biggest hill awve ivver
+      seen, an' it'll be time enuff for me to believe ther's a bigger when aw
+      find one; but inasmich as he's nivver been monny yards away throo hooam he
+      believes'at Beacon hill is th' biggest hill yet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Peter propooased nah at we should have a carriage as it ud help us to see
+      a varry deeal moor nor we should be able to do, if we depended o' shanks
+      gallowy, soa we agreed, an' wor sooin seeated be-hund a pair o' spankin
+      greys&mdash;"Cannot yo drive us to some brewery?" sed Billy, "aw mak nowt
+      o' com-min here unless aw can leearn summat."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There are breweries here, plenty of them, but not the class you want to
+      see, they call them Brasseries, but they are in reality places for
+      drinking beer, and not for making it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, neer heed, lets goa, for aw should feel shamed o' misen if awd to
+      goa back hooam withaat leearnin summat abaat th' trade, an' when awm
+      called on at th' next annywel vitlers dinner, to mak a speech, it'll nooan
+      mak a bad start to say 'th' last time'at aw wor i' Payris &amp;c.,' an'
+      it'll mak some on em oppen ther een'at fancies coss a chap lives at th'
+      moor end'at he's foorced to be a fooil. Aw wor allusov an enquirin turn o'
+      mind Mr. Peter, an' ther's Sammy thear, he luks as big a cauf heead as
+      yo'll meet wi in a day's march, but them at taks him for a fooil mak a
+      mistak, aw should nooan ha browt him wi me on a journey like this if aw
+      had'nt thowt summat abaat him."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw did'nt know'at tha had browt me," aw sed, "it wor me'at axd thee to
+      coom if aw ammot mich mistakken.",
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm nooan baan to fratch abaat it mun, if tha says a thing tha'll stick
+      to it aw know that, an' if ther's ony credit tha'll awther have it or
+      swelt&mdash;but aw wonder whear tha'd ha been if it had'nt been for me&mdash;tha'd
+      ha been lockt up for riteous conduct ith' street Mr. Peter knows that; by
+      th' heart! but this is a queer lukkin neighborhooid yo're takken us into&mdash;Aw
+      dooant like th' luk o' some o' theas fowk&mdash;aw nivver saw sich a
+      cutthroit lukkin lot i' mi life! Awm nooan soa varry particular abaat
+      gooin to see th' breweries; if yo think ther's ony danger, let's goa back;&mdash;net
+      at it matters for me for awm a single chap, but Sammy's left a wife at
+      hooam an' its her awm thinkin on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee think o' thisen an' thi mother, an' leeav Mally to me&mdash;but if
+      tha'rt beginnin to duff tha'd better get aght an leeav it to Peter an'
+      Sammywell! if it worn't for thi age and respect aw have for thi family awd
+      pitch thi cleean aght o' th' cab! Duffin! nah Mr. Peter awl put it to yo
+      do yo think its likely,'at a chap what's kept a beer-haase at th' moorend
+      all th' years'at awve done, whear thers been as monny as three or four
+      rows in a wick, some wicks;&mdash;tho' aw alluskept a orderly haase,
+      perleece'll tell yo soa if yo ax em,&mdash;an aw've seen chaps brayin one
+      another to bits ommost, an awve nivver stirred aght o' mi cheer,&mdash;nah,
+      do yo think aw should be likely to duff?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Your courage will not be called into requisition, so you need not be at
+      all alarmed. This leads us to the Quartier Latin, let us get down here and
+      try this."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor commin dusk an th' lamps wor bein leeted ith' streets, but inside
+      all wor a blaze wi leet. It wor a big, rayther low raam, gay wi gold an
+      colours an lukken glasses, an supported with a lot o' thin pillars covered
+      up hawfway wi crimson velvet&mdash;seeats covered wi th' same stuff went
+      all raand th' sides an' th' floor wor covered wi little marble tables, an
+      stooils wi velvet tops, an altogether, th' place lukt varry grand an
+      hardly seemed suitable for th' company at wor thear, for altho' they
+      didn't luk like workin men, ther wor an untidy, unweshed, unkempt look
+      abaat em'at aw hadn't noaticed in ony other lot. Peter gave th' order an
+      in a minit a young woman, donned up like a playacter coom wi three bottles
+      o' beer, an six glasses. Shoo put em all daan an Peter paid, an in a
+      twinklin th' six glasses were filled, two moor lasses at didn't wear
+      sleeves i' ther gaaons, but hung em on wi two narrow shoulder straps, an
+      wi skirts made that length wol yo didn't need to wonder whether they wore
+      garters or not,&mdash;coom an smiled an each takkin a glass, popt it off
+      at one swig, (an they held a gill,) an filled em up agean, (for all
+      bottles thear hold three gills) an withaat waitin to tak ther breeath,
+      sent th' second to see after th' first, wiped ther lips an lukt as dry as
+      if they hadn't tasted for a month. Th' empty bottles an glasses wor takken
+      away, an wi a smile an a wave o' ther hand they went to attend to somdy
+      else, leeavin us to sit as long ovver awr glass as we'd amind. Peter said
+      we were too sooin to see th' place at its. best,&mdash;which meeans at its
+      warst,&mdash;but he tell'd us at th' customers wor mooastly artists an
+      students, an theas wimmen wor dressed up i' sich fantastic style to draw
+      fowk thear, an it wor ther principal duty to get off as mich drink as they
+      could, an at from 12 at nooin to 1 next mornin they oft took more nor 100
+      glasses o' beer, to say nowt abaat th' glasses o' liquors an wines they
+      had in between. It wor hard to believe it, but after watching em for abaat
+      an haar, aw could ha believed it if he'd sed 200, for we wornt moor nor an
+      haar ith place, an aw saw one lass, net moor nor 20 year old, drink 15
+      glasses o' beer, one o' coffee and brandy, an one wine, an when we left
+      shoo seemed as reight as if shoo hadn't had aboon twopenoth. After each
+      glass shoo ate a couple o' shrimps aw suppooas to mak her thirsty for th'
+      next. Peter sed they seldom lasted moor nor four years, for if it didn't
+      kill em it awther made em bloated an ugly or browt on some disease, but
+      wol they lasted they could mak throo 200 to 400 pounds a year, an during
+      that time they wor generally living wi some student or artist as his
+      mistress, an givin him all shoo could get, i' return for which, as sooin
+      as shoo could hold her situation noa longer, he turned her into th'
+      street, to add one moor to that swarm, estimated at 30,000 women, at live
+      i' that fair, gay and fashionable city called Payris, by prostitution ov
+      th' worse sooart, an this 30,000 doesn't include some thaasands moor, who
+      carry on th' same trade, under th' sanction an protection ov ther
+      government. Yo'll feel inclined to say, "Well, Sammy, we've heeard enuff
+      o' that,&mdash;tell us summat else."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw wish aw could tell yo summat else, an paint yo a true pictur, withaat
+      havin to drag in that spectre,'at i ivvery guise o' revoltin ugliness, an
+      heavenly beauty, haunts church, street, cafe, garden, river, and even
+      holds its revel alike in th' perfumed chaymer, surrounded wi youth an
+      innocence, an' in th' pestiferous stinkin den whear vice is life, and
+      virtue all unknown. Noa wonder'at ther's a free exhibition at th' Morgue
+      ivvery day, an "One more unfortunate" sleepin her long last sleep on that
+      drippin stooan, all unconscious ov th' curious crowd at see in her limp
+      limbs, an distorted face nowt moor nor a spectacle provided bi a thowtful
+      government for their entertainment, but fail to leearn th' lesson'at it
+      owt to taich."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      France has her warriors,&mdash;her statesmen, an' her poets! Has'nt shoo
+      one man, with a voice at can ring throo her fair cities&mdash;her
+      vineyards, an' her lovely hamlets; at will raise it to rid her o' th'
+      biggest curse under which a nation can grooan. Shoo's safer wi a thaasand
+      invadin armies hemmin her raand, nor wi that enemy gnawin away at th'
+      vitals ov her heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we left th' brewery we had a drive up an' daan th' principal
+      boulevards, an' it wor a treeat an' noa mistak. Th' mooin wor as breet
+      varry near as a sun, an' th' gas lamps lukt to burn wi a yallo blaze at
+      shed noa leet. Th' trees sparkled as they shook ther leaves an' th'
+      buildins stood aght agean th' breet blue sky as if they'd been cut aght o'
+      cleean card-booard. Men sauntered along puffin ther cigerettes, or set
+      ith' front o' one o' th' cafes, en-joyin th' luxary o' havin nowt to do,
+      an' knowin ha to do it. It wodn't interest yo to tell yo whear we went;
+      for yo'at nivver wor thear ud be noa wiser an' yo at have been can tell
+      for yorsen. It wor a long drive, an' we stopt at last at th' Arc de
+      Triomphe de L'Etoile an' aw should think ther isnt sich another seet ith'
+      world. Payris appears to lay at yor feet, an' strings o' gas leets mark
+      aght ivvery principal street. Billy could'nt find words to express hissen,
+      all he could get off wor, "E'e, gow! Sammy! E'e gow! By gum mun! A'a mun!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor one o' them things whear yo could'nt help onybody: Aw did think'at
+      Billy wor a bigger fooil nor me, but awm foorced to own'at he could
+      describe it just as weel as me, for aw kept tryin to remember what awd
+      leearnd aght o' th' bookshunary soas aw could say summat, but it wor noa
+      use, aw could nobbut stare an' ax misen, in a whisper, whether aw wor i'
+      this world or th' next.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Payris wor asleep. That rattle an' clang'at had caused a hum to flooat
+      ovver th' city wor silent.&mdash;Aw lost misen i' thowt:&mdash;aw didnt
+      see a city;&mdash;aw saw a wood, an' mi fancy tuk me throo it; all th'
+      singin birds had dropt ther songs an' wor nestlin' i' ther cosy hooams,
+      but ther still wor some lukkin aght for what they could catch&mdash;owls,&mdash;human
+      owls,&mdash;wor nobbut makkin a start. Aw've oft seen th' owl stuck up as
+      a symbol o' wisdom, but aw could nivver understand it: an' aw should be
+      thankful if one o' them cliver chaps'at know soa mich wod kindly point
+      aght to me whear th' sense is, i' sittin an' blinkin all th' day, when th'
+      sun is makkin ivverything lovely, an' turnin aght at neet when all is dark
+      an' solemn, to drop onto some timid little maase at wod ha been aght i'
+      th' daytime if it dar. Noa,&mdash;aw nawther see wisdom nor principle ith'
+      owl. Gie me a lark'at shaks his wings as sooin as th' sun sends aght his
+      furst pale ray as an agent i' advance to tell th' world he's gooin to show
+      agean, an' starts towards heaven whear he hings, a dot agean a dull blue
+      dome, an' pours his melody on an awakenin eearth, cheerin the sad an'
+      addin' joy to them whose cup wor full exceptin for those drops ov harmony.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ther's summat at feels heavy o' yor heart when a gurt, bustlin city is
+      asleep,&mdash;when th' solitary cab rattles wi a peevish din along a
+      silent street&mdash;an' th' quiet steady traid o' th' watchman saands like
+      th' pulse-beeat ov a district lapt i' sleep. We made it up'at we wod have
+      a nod neet aght an' see th' dark side as weel as th' breet. If awd been a
+      praiche'r aw could ha fun plenty o' subjects for a sarmon as we wandered
+      raand. Ommost all th' places wor shut up and nubdy seemed to be abaat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As we slowly trampt along, nah an' then a&mdash;(what-do-yo-call-em, we
+      call em Bobbies i' England,) passed us, or we passed him, but Peter sed a
+      word or two an' we wornt interfered wi. We coom anent one grand place
+      whear th' winders wor blazin wi leet an' we went in. It wor another o'
+      them grand shops sich as we'd seen soa monny on, but all along one side
+      wor little raams screened off, an' they called em <i>Cabinet particulier</i>
+      an' we went into one;&mdash;ther's noa mistak abaat th' luxury an' beauty
+      o' theas little places, but it doesnt tak th' e'e ov a hawk to see even
+      moor in one nor they'd wish aghtsiders to believe. We had'nt been long an'
+      th' waiter wor nobbut bringin us th' furst cup o' coffee when in coom two
+      wimmen, (aw call em wimmen becoss they wor ith' shape on em,) but Peter
+      gave em to understand'at we did'nt want to add to th' number o' th'
+      compny.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had a rest an' a smook an' then we started aght agean, we had'nt walked
+      monny yards befoor we coom to another spot'oth' same sooart, an' we sat
+      daan o' th' opposite side o' th' rooad to luk at what wor gooin on. Th'
+      winders wor oppen an' th' leets wor up at full, an' th' saand o' what aw
+      suppooas they meant for mewsic, coom aght o' th' oppen shutters&mdash;ther
+      wor a rustlin ov a silk dress an' a grand lukkin lass fit for a duchess
+      coom up to th' door, but th' chap at wor standin thear shoved her away as
+      if shoo'd been a beggar&mdash;shoo stood for a minit or two lukkin up at
+      whear th' saand coom throo an' then shoo walked away wipin her een wi her
+      pocket hankerchy an' vanished. Aw felt as if aw could ha liked to goa an'
+      try to comfort her a bit, an aw ommost felt sooary at Mally wornt thear,
+      for aw know shoo can set onybody reight if onybody can, but Peter sed it
+      wod be noa use for shoo wor varry likely lukkin for him who had promised
+      to meet her an' had disappointed her&mdash;Just then a lad coom past
+      sellin papers an' Peter bowt one; (Billy wod ha bowt one, but after lukkin
+      at it he declared at th' fowk'at had printed it did'nt know ha to spell)
+      an' after a bit he sed, (aw meean Peter,) "This is a sad case but only one
+      of many such."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What is it? aw says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Only an account of the finding of a body in the river to-day. A young and
+      beautiful girl who ran away from home leaving parents, sisters, brothers
+      and a lover and came to Paris, was admired, feted, courted and betrayed,
+      and in the midst of her gaiety and dissipation was confronted by the
+      honest-hearted suiter for her hand who had followed her, and remorse
+      having mastered her infatuation, and despair overwhelmed her hopes she put
+      an end to herself. Her body has been claimed by her friends;&mdash;it was
+      at the Morgue to-day. It is almost an everyday story, but it is only an
+      individual case of reaping the whirlwind when the seed has been so
+      plentifully sown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nature! impartial goddess!&mdash;never forgets her duties," sed Peter,
+      braikin off throo what he'd been sayin, an' aw could'nt help thinkin ha
+      mich beauty a chap loises, and what joys he misses wi liggin i' bed ov a
+      neet&mdash;Reight enuff a chap cannot be up booath day an' neet, but its
+      worth while for ony body to sacrifice a bit o' sleep nah an' then for th'
+      sake o' seein what th' world luks like when its wakkenin. Th' sun wornt
+      fairly up but yet it wor growin leet, an' we made another move; Billy an'
+      me booath lukkin a bit solid owin to th' accaant he'd gien us aght o' th'
+      paper, an' Billy says, "Lets goa back hooam; awm sick o' seein an' hearin
+      soa mich abaat what owt'nt to be."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Remember, Billy," aw says, "we munnot judge too hastily, becoss it's just
+      likely'at luck may ha led us to see th! warst pairt an' th' better pairt
+      is to come&mdash;Nivver let us condemn ony country or ony city&mdash;for
+      what we may see in an' haar or two, for th' best fruit tree ith' world may
+      have a rotten en on sometimes. But what's that row o' fowk abaat? They luk
+      a queer lot! What does ta mak on em, Peter?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They are waiting for the superintendant who will be here shortly, but
+      with their advent subsides another class that belong particularly to
+      Paris; the rag pickers; we have not met them to-night for the streets we
+      have been in are not those likely to yield them a harvest, but whilst we
+      wait here I may as well tell you a few facts which I have gleaned since my
+      arrival in the country. There is one wending his way homewards with a
+      basket weighty with his gatherings of the night&mdash;let us speak to him,
+      a few sous will amply repay him for his trouble and any time he may
+      loose." Soa he stopt him an' he emptied his hamper, an' sich a lot o'
+      stuff aw nivver saw befoor&mdash;aw dooant believe'at thers a beggar i'
+      Yorksher'at ud bend his back to pick sich rubbish up.&mdash;Bits o' rooap,
+      paper, cabbage leeavs, cigarettes, cigar stumps, booans, rags, crusts o'
+      breead, an' some things'at aw should fancy ther wornt onybody but him'at
+      had gethered em could give em a name. Billy's heart wor inclined to oppen&mdash;nay,
+      it did oppen, an' he gave him a franc, an' when he gate it, th' tears
+      rushed into his een an' altho' he wor a Frenchman his tongue wor useless
+      for his heart wor soa heigh up in his throit'at he could'nt spaik, an'
+      Billy lifted his fist an' sed, (but in a voice at wor varry shaky to say
+      it belanged to Billy,) "Tak thi hook! if tha doesnt awl punce thi!" an'
+      for th' next three minits he did nowt but blow his nooas an' complain
+      abaat havin getten some dust in his e'e&mdash;A'a! he's nooan all guts
+      isnt Billy! Aw believe after all'at he could'nt hold that heart o' his
+      unless it wor in a big carcass.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went then to see all this lot o' fowk at wor waitin for th'
+      superintendant. They wor th' street sweepers, an' they wor just same as
+      solgers, an' as th' word o' command wor gien they went off i' pairties o'
+      four, an' started o' sweepin th' streets an' makkin all cleean an' tidy
+      for them at had nobbut just gooan to bed, soas they could get up ith'
+      mornin an' find th' city as trim an' tidy as they'd ivver seen it, an'
+      nowt left for th' day-leet to show ov what had been done under th'
+      gas-leet. Did yo ivver see a woman on a stage, donned up i' muslin, silver
+      lace an' spangles, wi a painted face, her e'en made breet wi brandy,&mdash;her
+      e'e-broos black wi charcoil or indyink,&mdash;her hands covered wi white
+      kid gloves, an' her feet pinched into tiny slippers,&mdash;wol her legs
+      wor padded to luk like what its just possible they may ha been once, an'
+      covered wi silk stockins, an' nawther moor nor less nor an' angel withaat
+      wings?&mdash;an' did yo ivver see th' same woman next mornin, when shoo's
+      getten up aght o' bed an' left all her false ringlets o' th' dresser (if
+      shoo has one,) when her paint is rubb'd off her cheeks, her red hands,
+      hoofed an' scarred uncovered,&mdash;her ee'n heavy an' bleared,&mdash;her
+      feet shoved into th' wrecks of a pair o' men's booits,&mdash;an' wi a
+      thyble in her hand, an' a bit o' mail in a paper bag, as shoo gooas to
+      wark to male a bit o' porrige for two or three squallin childer'at nivver
+      knew ther father? If soa yo must ha been struck wi th' difference.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Well, thers just that much difference between what Payris is on th'
+      surface an' what it is when yo goa below.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We went along an' Peter sed he'd like to show us ha fowk i' Payris lived
+      an' give us an inseet into things at if they did us noa other gooid mud
+      happen taich us economy, an' prove at it wornt allusthem fowk'at had th'
+      mooast brass an' made th' mooast ov a spreead' at lived best.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There's nothing thrown away in Paris," sed Peter, "excepting human life.
+      The rag-picker with his basket and his crook is one of the most important
+      personages in the city. The stumps of cigars and cigarettes are what form
+      the snuff of the most fastidious men who indulge in the habit&mdash;the
+      scraps of old paper are all utilised and every bit of rag is converted to
+      good use&mdash;the garbage, consisting of outside leaves of cabbages,
+      turnip tops and even rotten fruit serve as ingredients for soups sold in
+      the inferior restaurants; but the bread perhaps is most remarkable,&mdash;private
+      families and boarding houses throw out crusts which are merely stale;
+      cafes have plenty of broken crusts and soiled bits, but although it is
+      cast into the street it is all carefully collected and preserved and the
+      very refuse which is cast into the street from the sumptuously furnished
+      tables of aristocratic salons on the Rue de Rivoli will not unlikely
+      reappear in another form on the same tables and be appreciated. Crusts of
+      stale bread are collected by inferior bakers and are soaked and rebaked
+      and served again as new bread in cheap restaurants, the small broken
+      pieces are carefully collected and cut up into small dice and after
+      undergoing some secret process are converted into those appetizing toasted
+      chips which give such a relish to soup&mdash;but there is another class,
+      much more objectionable, at least to our ideas,&mdash;the soiled and dirty
+      scraps such as were to be found amongst the rubbish of the rag-picker's
+      basket, are seldom or ever given to poultry or pigs as you would imagine,
+      but undergo a process of cleaning and are then dried, pounded into crumbs
+      and burnt upon greased tins until they become a rich brown, and of this
+      bread dust, every restaurant, from the one where the members of the senate
+      meet, to the one whose customers regard a dish of meat as an exceptional
+      treat, keep a stock; your cutlet is made to look beautiful with it&mdash;ham,
+      fowls, or baked meats all owe more or less of their attractiveness to the
+      same source. This is no secret here, and just so long as the dish set
+      before them is pleasing to the eye, and pleasant to the taste, they ask no
+      questions nor trouble themselves to wonder of what it is composed. There
+      is scarcely any part of any animal&mdash;ox, horse, dog, cat, sheep, goat,
+      sparrow or frog that is not utilized and made to furnish savoury morsels
+      for one class or other&mdash;the better portions of a beast naturally find
+      their way to that portion of the city where money is most plentiful, but I
+      do not think it is too much to say that had the English people the same
+      knowledge that the French possess in culinary matters, that the quantity
+      of meat and vegetable that is daily wasted at home would furnish food,
+      both toothsome and wholesome, enough for every starving creature within
+      its shores.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, it may seem all reight to thee tha knows, to mak thi belly into a
+      muck-middin, but for mi own pairt awd rayther have a rasher o' gooid hooam
+      fed bacon an' a couple o' boiled eggs to mi braik-fast nor th' grandest
+      lukkin dish o' chopt up offal tha could set befoor me, an' aw fancy
+      Sammy's o' th' same opinion."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw must say, Billy,'at aw had rayther sit daan to a bit o' summat
+      gradely, an' as a rule aw like to know what it is awm aitin, yet it's
+      happen nobbut th' result o' ignorance, an' we turn up us nooas at things
+      simply becoss we've been towt noa better; but aw could do wi a bit ov a
+      snack if aw had it,&mdash;what says ta Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A bit ov a snack ud be noa use to me&mdash;aw could just do a quairt o'
+      porrige an' milk to start wi, but awst be ommost tarrified aght o' mi wit
+      o' touchin' owt nah. If we'd had ony sense we should ha browt summat wi
+      us, an' aw should ha done but aw thowt aw wor commin wi a cliver chap'at
+      knew summat, but aw find awve been mistaen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah an' ther's somdy else been mistaen as weel as thee, for if awd known
+      what a chuffin heead tha'd ha turned aght aw wod'nt ha been paid to come."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why dooant freeat Sammy, for it isnt variy likely 'at tha'll ivver be
+      troubled wi onybody offerin to pay thee for owt unless it wor for keepin
+      thi maath shut, an' if they'd start a subscription for that awd gie th'
+      price ov a pint towards it misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' shops wor all oppenin nah, an' Peter tuk us into a place an' ordered
+      braikfast, but altho' we wor ommost clammd, we booath felt a bit
+      suspicious abaat what we should have set befoor us to ait; but when it
+      coom in an' we saw a dish full o' ham steaks wi' fried eggs laid all raand
+      em an' a looaf a breead abaat a yard long, an' cups o' coffee'at sent a
+      smell like a garden o' pooaseys all throo th' place, all fear o' bein
+      awther impooased on or pooisened left us, an' ther wornt a word spokken bi
+      ony on us until Billy threw daan his knife an' fork an' sed, "Thear!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We finished ommost as sooin as him an' Peter settled th' bill, an' as we
+      walked aght we felt like men new made ovver agean, but we wor varry glad
+      to get into a cab an' leet a cigar an' enjoy th' beautiful drive to us own
+      lodgins. We went a long raand abaat way but it wor ommost all throo
+      gardens or under trees, here an' thear we went throo a
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Square an' stopt a minit to luk at a faantain, a moniment, or a wonderful
+      buildin, or went a short distance along th' river's bank or made a cut
+      throo a street, an' we'd noa time to do owt but admire all we saw, whether
+      it wor natural or artificial an' th' impressions o' th' neet befoor seemed
+      like ugly fancies at th' mornins flood o' beauty an' gaiety wor quickly
+      sweepin away&mdash;Aw could'nt help but repeat,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      "One little favour, O, 'Imperial France!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To say we'd been up all th' neet we did'nt feel varry weary nor sleepy an'
+      after a gooid wesh an' a brush up we felt noa desire to goa to bed soa we
+      sat daan at one o' th' little tables aghtside an called for a bottle o'
+      Bordeaux, (we'd getten reight to like it) an' we tipt us cheers back,
+      yankee fashion, an' amused ussen wi watchin fowk goa past. We sooin
+      discovered at a cheap trip had just come in, an' as they went past wi ther
+      boxes an' carpet bags Billy lained ovver to me an' he says, "What gawky
+      chaps English fowk luk when they land here at furst; why, aw feel soa
+      different sin aw coom to live i' Payris wol awm feeard they'll tak me for
+      a born Frenchman when aw get back hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha's noa need," aw says, "they may tak thi to be a born summat at begins
+      wi a F, but it will'nt be Frenchman!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Peter had to leeav us nah, we wor varry sooary to pairt wi him, but he sed
+      his business wod'nt allaa him to stop ony longer, soa we shook hands wi
+      him an' thanked him for all his kindness, an' as he turned away he sed,
+      "And be sure you remember me kindly to Mally."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This rayther knockt th' wind aght on me, an' Billy says, "Nah lad thart in
+      for't, an' sarve thi reight! yond chap'll write off to yor Mally, an' tell
+      her o' thi gooins on an' then tha'll get thi heead cooamd wi summat tha
+      weeant like when tha gets hooam! Aw wod'nt be i' thy shoes for a trifle!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, if thers been owt wrang tha's been as deep ith' muck as aw've been
+      ith' mire, soa tha can shut up!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta ivver answered that letter shoo sent thi?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw've nivver had a chonce but aw will do reight away an' then
+      that'll happen ease her mind a bit, an' aw wod'nt cause a minit o' bother,
+      if aw could help it for all aw can see."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a pity tha doesnt try to mak her believe it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw do try, an' aw allusdid!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Eeah, aw meean its a pity tha art'nt moor successful."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee mind thi own business, an' leeav me to mind mine!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw felt it wor a waste o' time to tawk ony moor to him, soa aw left him to
+      sit bi hissen wol aw went to write a letter to Mally. Aw did'nt goa wi a
+      varry leet heart, net at aw cared owt abaat th' trubble, but aw wor fast
+      what to say. To write th' plain trewth aw knew wod'nt do, an' to write
+      what worn't true wor a thing aw wod'nt do, an' aw sat some time studdyin
+      befoor aw made a start.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0015" id="linkimage-0015"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0106m.jpg" alt="0106m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0106.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0016" id="linkimage-0016"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0107m.jpg" alt="0107m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0107.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0017" id="linkimage-0017"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9107.jpg" alt="9107 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9107.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
+      withaat rhyme or reason&mdash;If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll
+      nivver care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      It fun me weel as when aw started,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' hand him safe back to his mother.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      His stummack's mendin varry fast;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' ale!&mdash;its true lass what aw say,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      He nivver has a bilious baat,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      To find thi weel will mak me fain;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Till then, believe me to remain,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Thy faithful husband Sammywell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study it
+      ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor wi letter
+      writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a stamp an'
+      sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw fan him hard
+      asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat o' th' side o'
+      th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight but th' seet o' mi
+      umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor an' who wor anent
+      him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor ommost droppin off!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
+      mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want to
+      disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long. If awm
+      spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as aw havnt had
+      lately&mdash;start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then tha'll be
+      happy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
+      abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
+      we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
+      nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
+      ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
+      booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
+      cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich like
+      stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at hooam
+      we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha thowt we
+      wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band o' music
+      strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a circus,&mdash;an'
+      they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English soa we thowt it
+      ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should be able to see th'
+      difference between an' English show an' a French en. We wor just gooin in
+      when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed summat, but aw shook mi
+      heead&mdash;"Anglish?" he sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "O, well, I can speek Anglish&mdash;the Anglish peeples have been var goot
+      to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
+      ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for hafe&mdash;only
+      two franc de one, four franc de two."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What are we to do Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
+      in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
+      plees gentlemons."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
+      quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
+      sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
+      bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
+      leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets but
+      he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
+      could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
+      whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th' chap
+      flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me walked
+      in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for owt aw
+      could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th' best seeat
+      he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two together in a row
+      wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor teed raand th' middle
+      o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an' aw set waitin for th' rumpus.
+      In a bit a dapper little chap comes an' touches Billy o' th' shoolder an'
+      mooationed him to follow, but he mud as well ha tried to coax one o' th'
+      pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith'
+      ring at wor playin antics wi a long powl. After a while th' same chap
+      comes back wi other two, one on em dressed up like a malishyman ith'
+      awkard squad, an' he touched Billy, but net just as gently as tother had
+      done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa this chap shoves past me an' seizes
+      him bi th' collar, (which to say th' leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to
+      do until he'd calkilated th' weight o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he
+      wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a summerset into th' middle o' th' ring.
+      This wor a performance'at they'd nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all
+      jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th' powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as
+      capt as ony o' tothers. Billy stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for
+      th' next. Aw dooant know who th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw
+      could'nt help feelin a bit praad o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into
+      years aw grun mi teeth an' felt detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit
+      o' th' umberel ud hing together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt
+      forsaken us for one o' th' actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid
+      luk at his face aw knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi
+      Pinder's circus i' Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard
+      he'd braik his middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its
+      that'at they sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an'
+      aw tell'd him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then
+      he sed 'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all
+      was over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
+      know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then, but
+      ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor booath
+      pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;t wor as gooid as
+      his word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
+      us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old ens'at
+      had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed th'
+      programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for a
+      theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some refreshments
+      an' then Herr L&mdash;&mdash;l left us an' we set off agean i' search o'
+      adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see what it
+      wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if yo daat, as
+      some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor friends'at's
+      been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic" correspondent
+      says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same fashion'at Adam an'
+      Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It wor moor nor life size
+      an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th' artist had taen gooid
+      care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It wor surraanded wi dumb-bells,
+      indian clubs, an' different gymnastic implements, an' aw wor informed
+      after'at it wor an advertisement for a taicher o' gymnastics an wor
+      intended to show ha a woman's form could be developed wi folloin his
+      advice an' takkin lessons off him&mdash;"But," aw sed, "dooant yo think
+      its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a public street whear
+      men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
+      people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights of
+      Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
+      others."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this aw
+      will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be their
+      hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites an' to
+      breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap at tried
+      to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his brazen sin an
+      wickedness i' yor face!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip a
+      drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
+      mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
+      takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as if
+      pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As we'd
+      been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time so as to
+      be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark an' narrow
+      street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th' top&mdash;fowk
+      wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght to be a
+      sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went in, an' it
+      reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam. It wor
+      pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho' some o'
+      th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit. Th' band
+      played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save the Queen,"
+      as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd ivver known it to
+      have befoor&mdash;Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith' furst place ther
+      wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical nor a penny trumpet,
+      an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther faces an' stuck ther
+      hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like tryin to play th'
+      fooil an' had'nt lent ha&mdash;One woman,&mdash;a strapper shoo wor too&mdash;wi
+      a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet&mdash;coom on drest to
+      represent Liberty&mdash;republican liberty aw mean,&mdash;an' shoo shaated
+      an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+      altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+      an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+      sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo wol
+      shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked aght
+      as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another 'gooid
+      neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy ith'
+      mornin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0018" id="linkimage-0018"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0115m.jpg" alt="0115m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0115.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0019" id="linkimage-0019"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0116m.jpg" alt="0116m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0116.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0020" id="linkimage-0020"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9116.jpg" alt="9116 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9116.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony other
+      day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower nooat, an'
+      th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly, an' th' trees wave
+      ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they whisper to each other
+      an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may nobbut be a fancy, but
+      it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th' time o' bits o' upsets an'
+      bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th' rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o'
+      that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up pleasant memories an' fond
+      con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a while amang mi fancies an' mi
+      follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast Billy wor waitin', an' aw could
+      see'at Sundy made a difference even to him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer,
+      an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on his top-pin', an' he'd treated
+      hissen to a shave for th' furst time sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid
+      me gooid mornin', he called me Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it
+      hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if
+      it's a day like this mi mother'll be run off her feet;&mdash;shoo should
+      tak between four an' five paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese
+      an' breead an' cold beef; but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be
+      able to mak it up next wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know
+      whear aw am, an' they'll be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha
+      aw've getten on. What are we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha
+      thowt'at he'd th' same sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur
+      they say, soa aw made noa moor remark abaat it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they
+      tell me they are beautiful places."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs
+      feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up!
+      They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to
+      church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt
+      they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to
+      loise this grand mornin'."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor
+      usual&mdash;th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed
+      an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an'
+      nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th'
+      lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him
+      which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't know
+      for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said abaat Pere
+      la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride thear for we
+      should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do yo expect to
+      land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa yo'll know."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay
+      soas if we should be lat we can get in?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo have
+      th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo like, an'
+      awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay i' mi
+      pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin' along.
+      It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up! we'd
+      gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom or ivver
+      been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor surprised to see
+      what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth nooatice. Awd nivver
+      enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary when we gate to th'
+      entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when aw tell yo'at we wor
+      content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear yo may be sewer ther
+      wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an' th' monuments wor th'
+      leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks under th' trees an'
+      between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set like brilliant gems ith'
+      midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi thowts back to what awd seen at
+      th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't to compare one wi' t'other but to
+      contrast'em, for this wor as mich superior to that as that had been to owt
+      awd seen befoor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw
+      ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor
+      hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars
+      strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no
+      trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay
+      ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin
+      an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor
+      dressed in the "habiliments of woe"&mdash;fashion an' show,&mdash;nowt
+      else!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      "What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be
+      movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol we'd
+      been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to Champs
+      Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we wor set
+      daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have a chonce to
+      see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor fairly filled
+      wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs an' carriages wor
+      ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to be wondered at on sich
+      a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for a ride or walk; an' it made
+      up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor
+      oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th'
+      busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had
+      getten throo ther religious nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had
+      time to: goa back hooam an' leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght
+      o' ther pockets as they sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards
+      an' laffin' an' smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight
+      or wrang, but it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it
+      Holy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor
+      nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did see for
+      th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o' Christianity'at
+      characterizes it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait,
+      bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that is
+      awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan a bad
+      pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin' raand
+      rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor when he
+      tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When we'd squared
+      up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little table'at wor as far
+      removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin' ith' front, an' one'at wor
+      grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we ordered brandy an' watter an'
+      cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th' richness an' th' beauties ov an
+      evenin' sich as it mud be a long time befoor we should have th' chonce ov
+      enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree has it's advantages, but ther's
+      allusa drawback to all pleasures i' this life. Th' French fowk as a nation
+      are varry perlite, but they dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to
+      th' same pitch, an' aw suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i'
+      Payris or i' Pudsey; at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw
+      saw ther'd been an addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me
+      to teem it daan th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi
+      my mishap an' he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly
+      didn't want it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend
+      summat. Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an'
+      then it faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an'
+      th' day went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor
+      sooin aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom
+      smilin' up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into
+      fairyland. "We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov a
+      neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond haase o'
+      mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i' November."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o' this
+      peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak a
+      sealin' wax stamp on."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa
+      cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a
+      raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just as
+      fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i'
+      Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak a
+      short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept
+      walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin'
+      hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt
+      aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest if
+      aw can tell whear we are."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's soa
+      sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find aght'at
+      we're two or three mile off hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony better
+      nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst comes to
+      th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor&mdash;get a cab."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan
+      be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed another
+      word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a poleeceman to
+      see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece are th' same all th'
+      world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're wanted. Aw felt sewer
+      we should meet with a cab or summat, but th' streets seemed as if
+      ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a long time befoor aw
+      forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan but aw couldn't see a
+      thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an that couldn't help me ony;
+      th' clock struck twelve&mdash;Billy gave a sigh but sed nowt&mdash;all at
+      once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th' causey an aw stopt. It wor
+      a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an'
+      shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her understand what we wanted but shoo
+      could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to
+      coax us to goa her way unless we'd been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed
+      away an' left us. It wor a fit o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold
+      o' Billy's arm an' march daan a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o'
+      gooid luck as it happened, for at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river.
+      Aw lukt to see which way th' watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi'
+      hooaps we set off agean. We didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we
+      met plenty o' poleece, but noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom
+      to owt we knew, but at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat
+      two miles to walk then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray&mdash;but
+      aw mun gie Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a
+      bit, although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we
+      expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver
+      been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as ther
+      wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we could
+      see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw put th'
+      kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome seet it
+      wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at that time o'
+      th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned th' leet up, an'
+      thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther wor fish an' a joint
+      o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice butter an' breead, an'
+      two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret; an' th' raam wor a deeal
+      nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius been used to havin' us meals
+      in. "This is a change for th' better," aw sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat
+      this be-foor."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's all ov a piece is thy wark,&mdash;tha allusfinds ivverything aght
+      when it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as
+      ivver we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin'
+      ussen in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do
+      justice to it to neet, soa let's start."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor he
+      touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an' aw can't
+      say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin disappeared, an'
+      th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav a drop o' ale nor
+      claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook befoor we went to
+      bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what time it wor, he saw it
+      wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to oppen th' door'at led
+      into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for aw knew ther wor a
+      clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop sharper nor aw went
+      in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be put i'th' hoil for
+      this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off
+      th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot&mdash;he didn't limp then,
+      awl awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him
+      in a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw
+      lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then
+      aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed
+      befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th' door
+      an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop this
+      time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th' door an'
+      turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an' befoor yo could
+      ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we wor booath wide
+      enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard two wimmin
+      skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan th' Street,
+      an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at, we'd a varry
+      gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at we should ha
+      gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we thowt'at it wor
+      awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't sleep we could
+      snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th' maister coom an' knockt
+      gently at furst one door an' then t'other an' heeard th' music'at we wor
+      makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did, an' couldn't find in his
+      heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor aghtside we could nobbut
+      guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor all wor quietened daan; then
+      we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock when Billy coom to my door to
+      wakken me. He shoved his heead in an' says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's up?".
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat
+      it!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom
+      as sooin as tha'rt ready."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit&mdash;aw
+      saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him
+      prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0021" id="linkimage-0021"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0128m.jpg" alt="0128m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0128.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER IX. LUNDI.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0022" id="linkimage-0022"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9128.jpg" alt="9128 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9128.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts o'
+      guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor sed,
+      nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry hard at
+      us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we knew moor
+      abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen be all fancy,
+      for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In a while we wor
+      left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th' best use o' th'
+      few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to goa hooam that
+      neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome change, for it
+      made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite lively an' he
+      says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o' th'
+      mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sewers! what sewers?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Th' drains;&mdash;yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith'
+      drains, an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled
+      on th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.&mdash;What
+      says ta?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen nor
+      be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent me up
+      to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a foreign
+      land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin into th'
+      bowels o' th' eearth."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just one o'
+      them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a scientific
+      turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity suits me; an' if
+      tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear aw can find thi at a
+      sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi whear tha likes."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all thy
+      science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant like
+      to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins, but aw
+      must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
+      poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
+      withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what maks
+      it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to say at
+      aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat science
+      as long as tha lives!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it wor
+      a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but if tha
+      thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but weft an'
+      warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest chaps aw
+      ivver met wor wayvers."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Varry likely,&mdash;becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em,
+      but if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
+      met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
+      abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom, it
+      can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but mine's
+      different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin abaat
+      science tha shows thi fooilishness;&mdash;net at aw meean to say tha'rt a
+      fooil,&mdash;nowt o' th' sooart,&mdash;but aw think tha owt to be thankful
+      to know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Billy,&mdash;if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can
+      tawk to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
+      thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
+      stop as thas a mind."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
+      ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
+      fittest place for thi&mdash;mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas, but
+      awm willin' to risk it."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight i'
+      thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to goa,
+      for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we wor
+      driven off.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo a
+      main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is strange&mdash;th'
+      carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's noa engins, but
+      ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along varrv nicely&mdash;its
+      like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut ther's a river runnin
+      along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net a varry nice en&mdash;but
+      awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an' as black. It wor leeted
+      i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi lamps an' th' names o' th'
+      streets at yo wor passin under wor put up, an' nah an' then yo passed a
+      boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed
+      he thowt they made a mistak to charge fowk for gooin in, it ud be better
+      to charge em for comin aght, an' aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once,
+      for i' spite o' all ther ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw
+      should'nt care to have aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome
+      when we gate into em agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but
+      admit'at ther wor seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd
+      been booath gooid
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
+      but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf a
+      franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
+      else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
+      duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
+      thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
+      Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
+      all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it tuk us
+      all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th' landlord
+      went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay for his
+      back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod fit his
+      lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some neet and
+      get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor varry wise
+      to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on us glad to
+      turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a place wi soa
+      monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce to see; for
+      ther's noa denyin it&mdash;Natur an' art have done all they could to mak
+      it th' finest city ith' world&mdash;It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty o'
+      Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate luk o'
+      Dublin&mdash;nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o' th'
+      American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor perfect
+      nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris to Calais
+      an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an' we lost noa
+      time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th' difference
+      between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt tell for all
+      seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off, an' th' mooin
+      peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish us gooid luk&mdash;th'
+      waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's side, an' th' two
+      electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two big een, an' marked
+      a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th' neet cleared up, but it
+      wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th' deck all th' time. We
+      had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a smook an' luk abaat us.
+      Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet, an' nowt happened worth
+      mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white cliffs o' old England.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
+      awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run to
+      meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi native
+      land&mdash;Billy wor capt when aw struck up&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      heart,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Whate'er his condition may be;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      No matter what strange countries boast;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      hand,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And in politics fight tooth and nail;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      If at government's tactics we rail;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      For there's freedom where ever it flies.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      unite
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And his growl gives a warning to all.
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      roar,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent10">
+      And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      And he's king of the world even yet!
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent15">
+      Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      thee dear
+    </p>
+    <p class="indent20">
+      Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to me
+      but still it felt like hooam&mdash;aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
+      lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at Lundun.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0023" id="linkimage-0023"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:65%;">
+      <img src="images/0136m.jpg" alt="0136m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0136.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER X. MARDI
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0024" id="linkimage-0024"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+      <img src="images/9136.jpg" alt="9136 " width="100%" /><br /><a
+      href="images/9136.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      T wor seven o'clock ith' mornin when we arrived at Victoria Station&mdash;an'
+      as we wanted to get ooam withaat loisin ony time we tuk a cab to King's
+      Cross. It wor a breet clear mornin' an' as we rattled along th' streets,
+      ivvery buildin lukt like an' old friend, an' th' same feelin' coom ovver
+      me at awve soa oft felt befoor&mdash;what had passed seemed mich moor like
+      a dreeam nor a reality. Aw noaticed at Billy put on some airs at awd
+      nivver seen him spooart befoor, an' if aw had'nt known him aw mud ha
+      mistakken him for Beaconsfield commin back after signin th' Berlin treaty,
+      but then he's a deal bigger man nor Beaconsfield is Billy, an' if his
+      influence isnt as big ith' city, he's weightier ith' corporation. But awm
+      sewer he lukt better bi monny a paand nor when we started. When we gat to
+      th' station we fan at we'd a bit o' time to spend befoor ther wor a train
+      soa we went an' gate a cup o' coffee an' summat to ait.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nah, Billy," aw sed, "aw should like to know if tha's enjoyed thi trip?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ov coprse aw've enjoyed it! Did ta think aw went to be miserable? It isnt
+      oft aw set off throo hooam, but when aw do aw mak up mi mind to enjoy
+      mysen. But aw dooant care ha sooin aw get back hooam nah, for awst ha to
+      start brewin to-morn."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, tha luks a deeal better onyway,&mdash;an' awm sewer thi mother'll
+      be fain to see thi soa mich improved."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thee think abaat yor Mally an' leeav me an' mi mother to manage us own
+      affairs&mdash;If aw've getten a bit better awve paid for it aw reckon! Tha
+      tell'd me'at it wod'nt cost aboon ten paand an' it's cost aboon eleven,&mdash;Aw've
+      enjoyed misen furst rate an' aw do feel a trifle better, an' awve enjoyed
+      thy compny varry weel too, but if aw wor gooin agean awd goa be misen."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tha cant get me mad this mornin soa its noa use to try, an' tha'd better
+      save thi wind to blow thi porridge when tha gets hooam."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, that's reight enuff; tha knows what aw mean,&mdash;but aw say&mdash;wi'
+      ta promise me at tha'll keep thi maath shut abaat them frogs?&mdash;Nah
+      fair dealins amang mates, Sammy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Awl promise thi one thing," aw says, "awl tell now't at isnt true, an' if
+      what aw tell isnt pleasant it's becoss trewth isnt pleasant at all times."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Do as tha likes an' gooid luck to thi lad! Th' time's ommost up lets be
+      off."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We wor just i' time an' after a partin glass to start wi for fear ther
+      might'nt be a chonce to get one at th' finish, we jumpt into th' train an'
+      wor sooin lessenin th' distance between Lundun an' Bradford. Th' journey
+      wor pleasant enuff but it seemed rayther long as it does when yor anxious
+      to get to th' far end, but we landed at last, an' wod yo believe it? Ther
+      wor Mally an' Hepsaba waitin at th' station for me&mdash;It wor a little
+      attention at they'd nivver shown me befoor, an' aw felt touched,&mdash;for
+      awm varry soft hearted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Whativver made thi come to meet me Mally?" aw sed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw coom becoss aw wor feeard tha'd happen ha started a growin a mushtash
+      an' thart freet big enuff as it is, an' aw thowt awd tak thi to th'
+      barbers to get made daycent befoor tha coom hooam, for tha's been a laffin
+      stock for th' naybors long enuff; an aw wanted to set mi mind at ease
+      abaat that umberel, for thart nooan to be trusted, an awve hardly been
+      able to sleep for dreamin at tha'd lost it, but if tha had tha'd ha been
+      wise nivver to show thi face here agean!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Well, but tha sees aw havnt, an if awd had aw suppooas its mi own?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What's thine's mine aw reckon?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "An' what made thee come to meet me Hepsaba?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Aw coom to see what yo'd browt for us, soas aw could ha mi pick afoor
+      yo'd pairted wi' th' best."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why lass, awve browt misen an' that's all, aw should think that owt to
+      satisfy thi."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If that's all yo need'nt ha gooan for we had yo befoor."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mally an' her walked off arm i' arm, takkin th' umberel wi em an nivver
+      spaiking a word, but just givin a nod to Billy&mdash;"Awl tell thi what
+      we'll do," sed Billy&mdash;"we'll just goa into th' taan an' ware abaat a
+      paand a piece o' some sooart o' gimcracks an' we'll mak'em believe we have
+      browt summat after all!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Aw thowt it wor a gooid nooation soa we went an' bowt a cap for Mally an'
+      a pair a gloves for Hepsaba, an' a imitation meersham pipe for Ike, an'
+      one or two moor nonsensical things, an' then we put em i' my box at th'
+      station. Billy bowt a new dress piece, real French merino for his mother,
+      an' then we shook hands an' pairted. My reception wornt all at aw could
+      wish when aw went in hooam, but when th' box wor oppened an' Mally saw her
+      cap, shoo pawsed th' cat off th' fender becoss it wor sittin anent me, an'
+      as sooin as Hepsaba gate her gloves, shoo fun me a long pipe, an' filled
+      it wi bacca an' gat me a leet, an' Ike sed 'he'd hardly been able to bide
+      at his wark, he wor soa anxious at aw should land back safe;' an' he
+      walked abaat wi' th' pipe in his maath as if awd browt him th' grandest
+      thing aght o' th' Exhibition&mdash;Ther wor nowt to gooid for me just
+      then, an' aw thowt at after all, Billy wornt happen sich a fooil as aw
+      tewk him to be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0025" id="linkimage-0025"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/0140m.jpg" alt="0140m " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h5>
+      <a href="images/0140.jpg"><i>Original</i></a>
+    </h5>
+    <div style="height: 6em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+***** This file should be named 45927-h.htm or 45927-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/9/2/45927/
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
+  www.gutenberg.org/license.
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at 809
+North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887.  Email
+contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the
+Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit:  www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For forty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+  </body>
+</html>
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0002.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0002.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eff4e81
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0002.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eff4e81
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0002m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0006.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0006.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..695c497
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0006.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..695c497
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0006m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0010.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0010.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b0b7cf1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0010.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b0b7cf1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0010m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0021.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0021.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..032623f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0021.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0ebbf06
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0021m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0035.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0035.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3c7ed2a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0035.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3c7ed2a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0035m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0053.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0053.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5350968
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0053.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5350968
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0053m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0054.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0054.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4fd6d15
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0054.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4fd6d15
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0054m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0060.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0060.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d2bc0fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0060.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d2bc0fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0060m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0061.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0061.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..df1f4a0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0061.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..df1f4a0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0061m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0063.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0063.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..899c742
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0063.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..899c742
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0063m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0064.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0064.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4255668
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0064.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4255668
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0064m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0083.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0083.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fd4f57f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0083.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fd4f57f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0083m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0084.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0084.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..62afd7e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0084.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..62afd7e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0084m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0106.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0106.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..12c08c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0106.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..12c08c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0106m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0107.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0107.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..231aa65
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0107.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..231aa65
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0107m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0115.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0115.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e303b36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0115.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e303b36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0115m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0116.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0116.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9f3226
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0116.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9f3226
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0116m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0128.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0128.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b25b978
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0128.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b25b978
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0128m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0136.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0136.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4e2fa77
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0136.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4e2fa77
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0136m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0140.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0140.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a04bc00
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0140.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a04bc00
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/0140m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9008.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9008.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..88f63ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9008.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..88f63ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9008m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9010.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9010.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ec5ca10
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9010.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ec5ca10
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9010m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9021.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9021.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ba42ac0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9021.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eb52737
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9021m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9035.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9035.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..aa9ce36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9035.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..aa9ce36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9035m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9054.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9054.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..40be68a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9054.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..40be68a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9054m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9061.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9061.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..755c6ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9061.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..755c6ee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9061m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9084.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9084.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fb0172
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9084.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fb0172
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9084m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9107.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9107.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..453d4fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9107.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..453d4fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9107m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9116.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9116.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..717a898
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9116.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..717a898
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9116m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9128.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9128.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..870cfbe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9128.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..870cfbe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9128m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9136.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9136.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8749317
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9136.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg b/old/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8749317
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927-h/images/9136m.jpg
diff --git a/old/45927.txt b/old/45927.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..172e7cb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,3720 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Seets I' Paris
+
+Author: John Hartley
+
+Release Date: June 10, 2014 [EBook #45927]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion
+O'th' French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
+
+By John Hartley
+
+Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun,"
+"Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek
+Puddin." &C.
+
+London:
+
+W. Nicholson & Sons,
+
+26, PATERNOSTER SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+[Illustration: 9008]
+
+O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa
+'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to
+bear i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me
+to visit;--an to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th'
+descriptions aw do give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt
+different to them, awd beg em to remember at we dooant all see wi th'
+same een, an if it had been intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod
+ha done for th' lot, an then what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers.
+Nah, if hawf o'th' book is fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other
+hawf is fancy, that's worth sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo
+have?
+
+Yors i' hard eearnest,
+
+SAMMYWELL GRIMES.
+
+
+```Dedicated As Token Of Respect, To
+
+```John Stansfield, Esq., Halifax.
+
+````With The Best Wishes Of
+
+`````The Author.
+
+`````November, 1878.
+
+
+
+
+SEETS I' PARIS.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+[Illustration: 9010]
+
+W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to
+Payris, but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as
+awm feeard if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen.
+Nah, awm quite willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider
+reight abaat it but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at
+ther wor nowt varry far wrang.
+
+Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived
+long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm
+sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm
+foorced to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad
+impression'at has'nt left me yet.
+
+Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for
+they sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi'
+him, an' especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel,
+which is another word for maister.
+
+But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa
+aw went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like
+th' Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for
+a long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an'
+booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to
+whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but
+then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen.
+Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's
+nivver had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a
+beershop at th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but
+durin' th' wick its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an'
+that's a varry gooid job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa
+anxious to suit his customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint
+until he's supt a gill to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up
+time, he's soa full up at he has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a
+pikestaff for fear if he should lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted.
+During th' rest o' th' wick he suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's
+hard warkto get on wi his brewin.
+
+He's nivver been wed, tho' he's a gooid lukkin' chap enuff, but his old
+mother lives wi him an' nurses him up as weel as shoo can. Shoo's tell'd
+him monny a time at shoo thinks he'd be better if he'd a wife, but he
+allus says he's feeard if he wor wed an' should have ony childer'at they
+might have his complaint an' he doesnt want to be th' means o' onybody
+else havin' to suffer as he's done. But altho' his mother has a deal to
+do for him, shoo's varry praad on him, for he's her only lad an' shoo
+says he's th' best brewer at ivver smell'd o' malt, an' for a duzzen
+year he's nivver had a brewin at womt fit to sup, though nah and then
+ther's one'at isnt fit to sell, but he's ov a careful turn an' nivver
+wastes it, an' wol he's suppin that he's savin' summat better, an' if
+it maks noa profit yet it isnt mich ov a loss. Aw've tell'd yo soa mich
+abaat Billy to introduce him like, an' yo'll get to know him better as
+we goa on.
+
+Aw tuk th' first chonce aw had to goa see him an it happened to be Sundy
+mornin' an' he wor varry bad, an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he
+grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he
+shuk his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th'
+rent.
+
+"Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have
+aw to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's
+weel to be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable
+carryin' on as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious
+tha knows, an' aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better.
+What wi ta have to sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver
+tasted. Mother, just draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after
+trailin' up here, an' yo can draw me a pint too for that matter for it
+cannot mak' me ony war nor aw am."
+
+"Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much
+as tha does Billy," sed his mother.
+
+He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed,
+"Payris! whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all
+feightin' aw reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps
+tawkin' abaat it ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."
+
+"Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."
+
+"It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it,
+but if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're
+baan to fuffen agean?"
+
+"Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith'
+world."
+
+"A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th'
+world--but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have another
+set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when they've
+done fuffenin?"
+
+"If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be
+sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver
+owt as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full
+o' moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."
+
+"Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,--are ta thinkin' abaat
+flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit
+thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves
+yor Mally owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th'
+exhibition;--aw generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith'
+year, though aw've missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's
+gooid enuff for me. Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa
+fuffenin."
+
+"Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,--aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen
+like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at
+ther's monny a scoor goa for nowt else."
+
+"Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me
+an' mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart
+ov a place is it for gettin summat to sup?"
+
+"Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe
+tha'll be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest
+women thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud
+leet o' one."
+
+"Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny
+brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"
+
+"Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll
+mak' thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."
+
+"Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."
+
+"Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o'
+gooin' tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."
+
+"Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"
+
+"Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."
+
+"Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin
+to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak
+it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"
+
+"Next Wedensdy mornin--tha's lots o' time to get ready.".
+
+"Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"
+
+"Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."
+
+"Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"
+
+"Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."
+
+"Well, be sewer tha does,--or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol
+thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."
+
+"Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth
+station bi nine o'clock."
+
+"Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"
+
+"Noa moor aw mun be off nah--Gooid day!"
+
+"Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we
+can manage for owt else."
+
+Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew
+awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em
+wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.
+
+When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set
+too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished
+up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"
+
+"Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows
+as well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha
+knows what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."
+
+"Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's
+forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what
+tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away,
+but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day
+or two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems
+happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi'
+wind tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an'
+it'll be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll
+find a deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could
+see ony gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa
+improvement in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to
+feel at, an' tha seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to
+forget at tha'rt a gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to
+Payredise for owt aw care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same
+as tha went, or else war."
+
+"Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an'
+then tha'll hardly know me.
+
+"Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha
+ther wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted
+o' thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been
+considerin it for th' last forty year--"
+
+"Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."
+
+"Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor
+born soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at
+tha'rt a fooil."
+
+"Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th'
+same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what
+says ta, will ta goa wi me?"
+
+"Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha
+thowt, simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense.
+What have aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should
+like to know if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr
+Hepsaba wi yond youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm
+expectin to be sent for ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if
+shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child i' awther arm an' a couple teed to
+her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav em to muck amang it; but awm
+different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can be o' some use to them at
+belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen a laffinstock for fowk!
+But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha one less to luk after,
+an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll net show thi face i'
+this fold agean yet a bit!"
+
+Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak'
+it war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th'
+ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght
+ov its place an' dragged it back agean, shoo turned raand an' sed as
+quiet as could be, "Then what wi ta want to tak' wi thi, coss
+tha'd better let's be knowin soas aw can get it ready an' net drive
+ivverything to th' last minit?"
+
+"Varry few things'll suit me, for we're nobbut gooin for a day or two."
+
+"We! who does ta mean bi a 'we'?"
+
+"Aw've been to ax Billy Baccus if he'll goa wi' me, aw thowt he'd be a
+bit o' cumpny tha knows."
+
+"Oh! Billy Baccus is it? Well an' awm fain tha has axd him! yo do reight
+to goa together, Billy an' thee! They'd ha built another, exhibition
+if they'd known you'd been gooin, Billy Baccus! raillee, Sammywell! an'
+what does his mother say? Is he baan to tak' a brewery wi him or will he
+rent one wol he's thear?"
+
+Someha this seemed to put Mally in a gooid temper an' aw wor nooan
+inclined to spoil it, soa aw laft when shoo laft an' ther wor nowt
+onnymoor sed.
+
+Th' momin sooin coom, an' when aw wor biddin' Mally gooid bye, aw slipt
+a bit o' paper into her hand at awd scribbled on,=
+
+```Awm gooin to leeav thi Mally lass,
+
+````But tho' aw love to rooam;
+
+```Awst nivver let an' haar pass,
+
+````Withaat a thowt for hooam.
+
+```An' tho' aw feeast mi'een o' seets ````All strange, an' wondrous
+grand;
+
+```Awst turn mi heart i'th' silent neets,
+
+````To this mi' native land.
+
+```Awst think o' thee, at's shared mi woe,
+
+````'At's proved mi' joy as well;
+
+```An' far an' wide wheare'er aw goa,
+
+````Awst prize nooan like thisel.=
+
+Shoo read it--"A'a, Sammywell!" shoo sed, "tha thinks tha can get ovver
+me onnytime wi' a bit 0' nonsense like that, but tha mun mind tha doesnt
+try it on once too oft. Try an' tak' care o' thisen, but whativver else
+be careful 0' thi umberel!"
+
+Aw wor sooin at th' station an' Billy wor waitin. If ivver aw saw th'
+pictur o' misery it wor his face that mornin'.
+
+"Ha does ta feel?" aw says.
+
+"War an' war, aw think awst ha to give it up, awm nooan fit to goa."
+
+"It's a pity tha set off," aw sed, "has ta getten wai sin tha left
+hooam?"
+
+"Nay aw've been soa ivver sin aw saw thi; aw should like to goa, but a'a
+dear a me!"
+
+"Why then," aw says, "aw need'nt get two tickets?"
+
+"Noa, get one for thisen, aw've getten mine."
+
+"An' whear's thi luggage?"
+
+"Its ith' van yonder all reight."
+
+Aw sed noa moor but gate mi ticket--th' time wor up, we jumpt into th'
+carriage an' wor sooin off to London.
+
+[Illustration: 0021]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II. MERCREDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9021]
+
+EXT to bein' th' eleventh chap to get into a carriage'at's suppooased to
+be weel packed wi' ten, aw hate to travel wi' one chap'at's made up his
+mind to be miserable--an' aw could see in a twinklin' 'at Bill meant it.
+
+But aw wor off for a spree, (aw owtn't to ha sed that, for awd left word
+at hooam'at aw wor gooin to collect information for th' benefit o' mi
+fellow men,) but whativver wor th' principle reason for me gooin aw
+know'at th' interest had summat to do wi' a jollification.
+
+"A'a, aw wish awd stopt at hooam," he sed, as sooin as th' train gate
+aght o'th' station.
+
+"Awm sooary but tha had," aw sed, low daan.
+
+"What says ta?"
+
+"Awm sooary tha'rt soa bad," aw shaated.
+
+"Tha doesn't know what aw suffer, lad. Has ta owt to sup?"
+
+"Eeah, aw've a drop'at Mally wod mak mi bring; see what it's like."
+
+"That stirs it," he sed, when he'd had a gooid swig, "what does ta call
+it?"
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know for aw've nivver tasted it. Happen it's gin?"
+
+"Is it?" an' he held th' bottle to luk at it. "Maybe it is," he sed, an'
+he tuk another swig to find aght. "Nay it's nooan gin aw think, aw fancy
+it's whisky."
+
+"Varry likely it is whisky," aw sed, "it doesn't luk unlike."
+
+"Aw dooant pretend to say'at it is, for awm noa judge, but it happen is
+gin," an' he supt agean to mak reight sewer, an' then he handed me
+th' bottle an' sed, "tha can call it what tha likes but aw call it
+whisky--taste for thisen."
+
+He did reight to say "taste," for he hadn't left enough in for a sup,
+but aw didn't care for that for it seemed to liven him up a bit, an' bi
+th' time we stopt at Peterborough he jumpt aght to stretch his legs a
+bit an' try what sooart o' ale they kept at th' station, an' he lukt
+leetsomer nor awd seen him for a twelvemonth, an' when he coom back he'd
+a cigar in his maath an' another for me. "What mak o' ale do they keep?"
+aw ax'd.
+
+"Muck! Aw wodn't sell sich stuff, an' th' glasses are nobbut like
+thimmels an' they dooan't aboon hauf fill'em. It's a scandlous shame
+ha they impooas o' fowk, if awd to do sich things aw couldn't sleep for
+thinkin' on it," an as if to prove'at he nivver did owt o'th' sooart he
+lained back his heead an' in a varry little time wor snoorin' away like
+a bacon makker.
+
+When th' train stopt at th' far end aw had to wak-ken him an' it wor noa
+easy job. "Come on!" aw sed, "Ger up! Doesn't ta know'at we're at th'
+far end?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whear we are, awm nooan baan to get up!"
+
+"But tha mun care, for tha'll be foorced to get aght here; an' whear's
+thi luggage? If tha doesn't stir thi somdy'll run away wi' it!"
+
+He oppened one e'e abaat hauf way just to squint at me, "An' who's
+baan to run away wi' it? Let me catch him an' awl bet ther'll be one
+Frenchman less to feight th' next battle o' Waterloo! Awl poise his
+frog-aitin heead off his shoolders if he touches owt o' mine!"
+
+"Ther's noa Frenchmen here; tha's nobbut getten to Lundun, an' tha
+munnot tawk abaat poisin' when tha gets to France, tha'll ha' to leearn
+to parleyvoo!"
+
+"Aw dooant care whether it's poisin' or parleyvoo-in', awl bet his heead
+comes off schews ha!"
+
+Just then th' guard coom "All out here! Hi there! what's to do?"
+
+Aw knew th' guard an' he knew me. "O, it's nobbut a friend o' mine'at's
+been asleep a bit an' didn't know we'd landed," aw sed.
+
+"And where is he off to? not to Paris surely? He'll be lost."
+
+"Nay, he'll nooan be lost for awm'baan wi' him to luk after him."
+
+Aw didn't see owt funny abaat that but he laft wol aw thowt he'd getten
+a spasm. "And who's going to look after thee, Sammywell?"
+
+"Well, when aw want a bigger fooil nor misen to keep me company awl ax
+thy maister if he can spare thee for a day or two."
+
+My temper isn't as long as it used to be an' aw didn't relish a strackle
+brain like him takkin' liberties wi' me, just as if he'd paid his fare
+an' we'd been paid for commin', an' aw wor i' hauf a mind to goa to th'
+firerup an' ligg a complaint, but Billy had his hand on his wayscoit
+agean an' began grooanin.
+
+"Well, what says ta," he sed, "are we to goa onny farther or stop whear
+we are? Aw wor nivver fit to set off i' this state an' aw should nivver
+ha' come but for thee. An' what are we to do wi' this luggage? An' what
+time does train start? An' whear does it start throo? An' what are we
+to do wi' ussen wol it does start? An' what's to come o' yond malt'at's
+masht? An' ha does ta expect an old woman like mi mother to be able to
+tun? It wor a wrang-heeaded affair ivver to set off an' if we nivver get
+back it'll be thy fault."
+
+"Bless mi life!" aw sed, "tha needn't goa! Tiler'll be a train back to
+Bradforth directly! Aw dooan't want thi to goa if it's agean thi mind!"
+
+"It's nooan mi mind it's mi stummack! if aw worn't sufferin' like this
+aw should be fain to goa; but say what it's to be; are we to goa forrad
+or turn back?"
+
+"Aw shall goa forrad an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Then aw shall goa forrad if tha does. Goa an' find aght all particlars
+an' see after this luggage an' mak all as reight an' square as tha can
+an' then if ther's time, tak me somewhear to get summat to stir this
+pain. Awm a deeal fitter for bed nor to be knockin' abaat like this."
+
+Aw left him wol aw made enquiries, but aw couldn't help wonderin' if
+Smith had as mich bother wi' me when he tuk me raand to see th' Seets i'
+Lundun as aw seemed likely to have wi' Billy.
+
+"The best plan for you to do is to take a cab and get your luggage to
+Victoria station, the train starts from there and they'll give you all
+information," sed th' pooarter aw ax'd. Ther wor plenty on'em an' we
+gate one an' wor sooin rollin' away. "Couldn't we ha' walked it, Sammy?
+Tha knows walkin' is far better for me nor bein' shook to bits in a
+ditherin' con-sarn like this."
+
+"It's too far to walk an' we'st be thear directly."
+
+"Has ta emptied that bottle?"
+
+"Eeah, does ta want summat? Awl stop th' cab in a minit."
+
+"Does fa want summat?'coss if tha doesn't tha's noa need to stop th'
+cab for th' sake o' me. Aw've been used to sufferin all mi life, an'
+happenfif aw did get summat aw should be noa better."
+
+But just then th' cab did stop an' when aw shoved mi heead aght to see
+th' reason on it, thear wor th' same railway guard sittin' on th' dicky
+ov another cab wi' my umberel ovver his shoolder, an' he wor grin-nin'
+like a Cheshire cat. "Is this thy parryshute, Sammywell?"
+
+"Awl shute thee if tha doesn't hand it ovver here!" aw says.
+
+A'a, but aw wor fain to see him, for if awd lost that umberel aw nivver
+dar ha' faced hooam! Ov coorse that wor a nice excuse to get aght an'
+have a leek on. Billy called for a pot o' hauf an' hafe, an' when he
+gate it up to his lips he held it thear soa long wol aw thowt he'd
+getten his teeth fast i'th pewter an' couldn't leeav lawse, but when
+he did put it daan th' bartender whipt it aght o'th' rooad ready
+for another customer an' Billy wiped his lips and gave a sigh o'
+satisfaction'at wor like music to me.
+
+"Nah, what does ta think o: that?" aw sed.
+
+"Middlin', but it's rayther short o' malt."
+
+Aw wor soa thankful to get mi'nelly back wol aw stood treat twice raand.
+"Aw'st ha' to be more carefui for th' futer," aw sed, "for aw wodn't
+pairt wi' it for its weight o' new ens."
+
+"If tha did tha'd be able to start a shop," sed Billy.
+
+"Why not have your name put on it?" sed th' guard.
+
+"Bith' mass! aw nivver thowt o' that!"
+
+"There's a shop next door but one, a regular umbrella hospital, I dare
+say they would do it for you in a few minutes, and you've got plenty of
+time; I'll stay with your friend till you come back."
+
+Aw went, an' gate inside aw tell'd what aw wanted to a nice modest
+lukkin' young woman, an' as sooin as shoo saw it, it seem'd to remind
+her ov her early days, maybe shoo'd an old mother somewhear'at had one
+like it, or a fayther moulderin' away i'th' churchyard'at had once been
+praad o' sich a one. Aw ommost felt sooary aw'd spokken, for whativver
+it wor, it made her bury her face in her white kertchy an' hurry away
+in a state o' agitation'at touched me to th' quick. In abaat a minit, a
+young bit ov a whipper-snapper ov a chap, wi' his hair pairted daan th'
+middle, comes, an' aw tell'd him what aw wanted. He seized hold ov it
+an' began handlin' it as if he'd noa more respect for it nor he had
+for hissen, (an' a chap'at pairts his hair daan th' middle is nivver
+troubled wi' mich,) an' then he started laffin' an' began axin' me all
+sooarts o' questions abaat it." "Young man," aw sed, "Aw didn't come here
+to give th' history o' my umbrella, aw coom to ax if yo could put mi
+name on it, an' if tha doesn't stop off messin' it up an' daan awl come
+raand an' see if my shoe tooa can stir thi brains a bit." He saw aw
+meant it so he sobered daan a bit an' handed it back to me, an' he sed
+'he wor varry sorry but it wom't i' their line, but if aw tuk it across
+to a ironmonger's opposite aw should happen be able to get a door-plate
+to fit it.' "An' if aw do," aw says, "awl come for thy heead for th'
+door nop an' when aw come aght o' that shop yo couldn't tell whear th'
+pairtin' o' that chap's hair had been, but awl bet it wom't i'th' middle
+for a wick or two at after.
+
+Aw didn't goa to th' ironmongers, but aw went back to whear aw'd left
+Billy, but he wor soa taen up wi' th' guard wol aw sat mi daan, quietly
+to wait an' as aw'd been put abaat a bit aw eased misen wi' havin' a
+tawk to mi umberel.--=
+
+```What matters if some fowk deride,
+
+````An' point wi' a finger o' scorn?
+
+```Th' time wor tha wor lukt on wi' pride,
+
+````Befoor mooast o' th' scoffers wor bom.
+
+```But awl ne'er turn mi back on a friend,
+
+````Tho' old fashioned an' grey like thisel;
+
+```But awl try to cling to thi to th' end,
+
+````Tho' tha'rt nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Whear wod th' young ens'at laff be to-day,
+
+````But for th' old ens they turn into fun?
+
+```Who wor wearin' thersen bent an' grey,
+
+````When theirdays had hardly begun?
+
+```Ther own youth will quickly glide past;
+
+````If they live they'll all grow old thersel;
+
+```An' they'll long for a true friend at last,
+
+````Though it's nobbut an old umberel.=
+
+```Tha's grown budgey, an' faded, an' worn,
+
+````Yet thi inside is honest an' strong,
+
+```But thi coverin's tattered an' torn,
+
+````An' awm feeard'at tha cannot last long.
+
+```But when th' few years 'at's left us have run,
+
+````An' to th' world we have whispered farewells;
+
+```May they say'at my duty wor done,
+
+````As weel as mi old umberel's.'=
+
+Awd getten soa far when they called me to'em, an' after another sup we
+bid gooid day to th' guard, gate into th' cab an' wor sooin at Victoria
+station.
+
+When we gate thear, we fan th' train didn't start till past eight
+o'clock. "Nah, tha's getten us into a bonny mullock, tha has! Aw thowt
+tha reckoned to know summat abaat travellin'. We've hauf a day to goa
+wanderin' abaat an' me i' this state--net fit to walk a yard. What does
+ta mean to do? We'd happen better caar here? An' ther's three quarters
+o' malt i'th' mash at hooam an' here aw am hallockin' abaat fast what to
+do wi' mi time."
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat thy three quarters o' malt, Billy; if tha'rt soa
+anxious abaat it tha should ha' stopt wi' it or else browt it wi' thi!
+Awm baan to have summat to ait an' tha can pleas thisen."
+
+"Nay, aw nooan want to pleeas misen, net aw marry! Aw've come here o'
+purpose to pleas thee. Do whativver tha likes it'll be reight to me;
+tha's getten me here nah soa aw mun mak th' best on't."
+
+We set off an' had a long walk an' aw could see'at he wor a bit capt as
+we passed some o' th' big buildins an' monuments soa aw ax'd his opinion
+on'em.
+
+"Varry fair, considerin'," he sed, "but aw expected findin' 'em bigger,
+an' thes nooan on'em ovver cleean."
+
+"Why," aw sed, "tha'll have to goa a long way to find bigger nor theas."
+
+"They're noa bigger, accordinglye to th' place nor yond little haase o'
+mine up at th' moor end."
+
+Aw tuk him into a place whear aw knew we could get a gooid meal at a
+reasonable rate an' axt him what he'd have.
+
+"Aw dunnot know what to say--ther's nowt aw dar touch wi' mi stummack i'
+this state--thee order what tha likes."
+
+"Awm gooin' in for a mutton chop an' some fried puttates."
+
+"Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for
+aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect
+it willn't be fit to sup."
+
+Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his
+didn't last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for
+a matter o' five minits nawther on us spake.
+
+"Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"
+
+"Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine,
+but if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to
+put th' price on it awl warrant."
+
+Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he
+polished'em.
+
+"Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk
+o' cake.
+
+"Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas
+at hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll
+agree wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."
+
+Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an'
+we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.
+
+It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see
+after tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen
+shillin' a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther
+must be some mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it
+wor all reight, ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd
+Billy, an' ax'd what we should do.--"Do just as tha likes," he says,
+"tha has it all i' thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can
+awther goa or stop just as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich
+things, it's nobbut thee'at has all th' knowledge;--but _aw know what aw
+wish._"
+
+As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets
+an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy
+slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin'
+"Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he
+sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to
+set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."
+
+Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we
+could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight
+agate o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd
+ha' seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on
+a par wi' all tha does!--but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember
+thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"
+
+Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a
+table full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor
+sooin off, but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa
+up stairs, so we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses
+all grinnin' an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a
+guess what it meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor
+rainin' an' blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th'
+Atlantic Ocean. Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor
+fain to let mi cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire
+rooap an' ther wor noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him
+in a bit, "Tha'rt varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"
+
+"Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he
+lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just
+abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet
+it wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained
+ovver to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw
+nivver lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear
+an' aw saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."
+
+After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land,
+whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a
+little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood
+to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.
+
+"What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas
+he wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to
+Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta
+feel?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an'
+aw tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back
+hooam."
+
+"Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll
+goa straight back hooam."
+
+"Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"
+
+After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable
+carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened
+th' sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin'
+in th' harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle
+saanded an' th' train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at
+hauf-past six o' one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When
+we gate aght o'th' station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to
+seek lodgins.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."
+
+He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th'
+sky, an' finished off wi' starin' at me.
+
+"Well?" aw says.
+
+"Why, it's nowt!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III. JENDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9035]
+
+S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit
+to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an'
+as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked
+as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he
+wor. "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.
+
+"Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they
+liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin
+aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.
+
+"Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try
+some quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to
+Dick an' run th' risk o' what it costs?"
+
+"Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."
+
+Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th'
+winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th'
+shop for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered
+an' a young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an'
+dried in a hurry, coom to meet us--"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.
+
+"Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.
+
+"Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain
+English?"
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English
+they tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."
+
+"Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant
+believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.
+
+"Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite--Have,
+you,--a--bedroom?"
+
+"Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"
+
+"Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."
+
+"Jenny compronpa."
+
+"Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt
+touch her wi' th' tangs!"
+
+We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if
+th' smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another
+try--French this time,--"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed,
+"what is it tha wants?"
+
+"E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"
+
+"Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw
+reckon?"
+
+"Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste--for aw should'nt
+care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd
+ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a
+bit o' summat to ait if we want it?"
+
+"Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up."
+
+"Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like."
+
+"Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin
+browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he
+nobbut just tasted on it an' put it daan agean.
+
+"Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister.
+
+"Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,--it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an'
+sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do
+yo allussell it warm like that?"
+
+"Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep
+it i' ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant
+know th' difference--Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be
+luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that
+befoor yo've been long."
+
+"Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense--why, when awm
+brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on."
+
+"Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a
+Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm
+back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?"
+
+We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin
+it, aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?
+
+"Th' place ud do weel enuff if ther wor owt to be made at it, but ther
+isnt hauf as monny fowk as what ther's accomodation for, aw've lost a
+gooid bit o' brass sin aw coom an' if yo ax other fowk they'll tell yo
+th' same tale."
+
+When we'd finished he tuk us up a corkscrew staircase an' showed us two
+raams--they wor cleean, thers noa denyin' that, an' they wor furnished,
+after a fashion--part Parisian an' pairt Brummagem--aw should think what
+wor in em booath had'nt been bowt for a penny less nor thirty shillin',
+but ther wor white lace curtains up to th' winders an' they lukt varry
+weel throo th' aghtside an' that wor all at mattered. We booath on us
+wanted a wesh, an' on a little table we'd each on us a cream jug an'
+sugar basin, an' we had to mak th' best on em; thear wor noa feear on
+us sloppin' ony watter abaat, for if we had ther'd ha been nooan left.
+After dippin' us finger ends in we rubbed us faces ovver an' tryin' to
+believe at we wor a deeal better for th' trouble we started for a luk
+raand aghtside. Aw thowt Billy lukt varry glum agean an' as he did'nt
+offer to tell me th' reason aw axd him if ther wor owt'at had'nt suited
+him?
+
+"Ther's nowt'at has suited me soa far, an' what's moor nor that ther's
+net likely to be--an' to mend matters when aw come to luk i' mi box, awm
+blessed if aw hav'nt come withaat a cleean shirt."
+
+"Why," aw says, "ther's a shop across th' rooad at sells em soa tha can
+easily mak that reight," soa we went inside an' aw tell'd him as plain
+as iwer aw could spaik'at we wanted a shirt, an' aw pointed to his mucky
+dicky. "Wee, wee," he sed, an' jabbered away, an' Billy tawked back to
+him like a man, an' gave him sich a karacter i' broad Yorsher as awm
+sewer he wod'nt want i' writin' if he wor lukkin aght for a fresh shop.
+Th' ticket wor easy to read soa Billy paid him six francs an' walked
+away wi it in a breet green paper box, an' we turned back to us lodgins
+for him to put it on. He had'nt been up stairs long befoor aw thowt one
+ov his bilious attacks had come on agean--"Sammy!" he bawled aght, "come
+here!" soa aw went to see what wor to do.
+
+"Luk thear! What does yond chap tak us for? Awm in a gooid mind to tak
+this back an' shove it daan his throit! Is ther owt like a woman abaat
+me, thinks ta?"
+
+Thear it wor reight enuff, printed on th' box i' big letters, "Chemise."
+"Well, he's varry likely made a mistak, here mistress!" aw sed as shoo
+wor just passin th' door, "shirt--he wants a shirt an' they've seld him
+a shift." Shoo lifted her e'e broos ommost to th' top ov her heead an'
+lukt at th' box an' then shoo pointed to his dicky an' sed, "Chemise!
+wee, wee."
+
+"Shoo's war nor a guinea pig, wi her ivverlastin' 'wee wee,'" sed
+Billy, an' he wor shuttin' th' box up agean but shoo coom up an' tuk it
+aght an' awm blowed if it wornt a shirt after all. After that we decided
+to goa to th' Exhibition an' spend th' furst day thear--but as Billy wor
+detarmined net to walk an' wod call at ivvery shop'at had one o' Bass's
+or Alsop's cards ith' winder it tuk us wol after dinnertime to get
+thear, but it wornt after th' time'at we could do wi a dinner for all
+that, but ther wor soa mich to see wol aitin seem'd ommost aght o' th'
+question--even Billy, although he wor walkin up an daan oppen maath
+seemed to ha forgetten to grow dry. They manage theas things better i'
+France; (aw fancy aw've heeard that befoor) but although aw know awst
+nivver be able to do justice to it, yet aw think aw owt to give yo as
+gooid an' accaant as aw can. Well then to begin wi; we'll goa back a
+little bit an' mak a fair start.
+
+In a strange country mooast things luk strange an' ith' walk we'd had we
+saw a deeal at capt us, but nowt moor surprisin' nor th' amaant o' ugly
+wimmen. We'd come prepared to be dazzled wi female luvliness an' grand
+dresses but ther wor nowt at sooart to see. Th' mooast on em wor dark
+skinned--sharp een'd, podgy-bodied, dowdy-donned crayturs'at lukt varry
+mich like wesherwimmen aght o' wark. Th' chaps wor better lukkin' bi
+th' hauf, but Billy sed he thowt they'd luk better if they'd stop off
+suppin' red ink an' get some gooid ale an' beef onto ther booans. But
+ther's one thing'at aw dooant believe ony Frenchman can do, an' that is,
+slouch along th' street wi his hands in his pockets like a thorough-bred
+Yorksherman! Even them at's huggin looads o' boxes an' hampers o' ther
+rig, (sich looads as a Yorksher chap ud stand an' luk at wol somdy went
+an' fotched a horse an' cart,) trip away as if they'd somewhear to goa,
+an' as if ther feet had been created to carry ther body an' net as if
+it wor th' body at had been intended to trail th' feet after it. An' yet
+someha or other, nubdy seemed to be in a hurry--th' street cars are run
+thear to save th' trouble o' walkin', but ther seems to be noa idea o'
+savin time. If a chap wants to ride he nivver thinks to wait wol a
+car comes up to him, he walks on till he ovvertaks one. Th' cabs are a
+little bit better as regards speed but aw could'nt help thinkin' at if
+they'd give th' horses moor oats an' less whip it ud be better for all
+sides. Aw nivver i' mi life heeard owt like th' whipcrackin' at wor
+to be heeard ith' busy streets, it reminded me o' nowt soa mich as th'
+fourth o' July in America; ivvery driver wor alike an' ther whips
+went wi as mich regilarity as a wayver's pickin' stick. To us it wor
+a newsance an' for th' chaps it must ha been hard wark but th' horses
+did'nt seem to tak ony nooatice--but if they give'em plenty o' whip aw
+dooant think they oft kill'em wi wark, for we passed monny a team o' six
+or eight mucky lukkin' grays, big booaned an' ill tended an' wi heeads
+on'em like soa monny churns turned th' wrang end up, at wor walkin' i'
+single file an' suppooased to be draggin' a waggon wi a looad ov abaat
+hauf a tun. Ther wor noa shops or buildins'at had owt abaat'em to admire
+an' aw must confess aw felt a trifle disappointed, but aw wor detarmined
+net to show it, for Billy had curled up his nooas when he started aght
+an' if he did spaik at all it wor allusth' same strain o' regret for
+what he'd left, an' contempt for all he'd fun.
+
+This wornt varry mich to be wondered at, as we discovered next day'at
+we'd been trailin abaat throo all th' back slums an' had nivver once
+getten onto th' reight track, an' it wor moor bi gooid luck nor gooid
+management at we ivver fan th' exhibition buildin' at all, but when we
+did, even Billy could'nt grummel. It wor a queer feelin at coom ovver me
+when aw went in. Aw seemed to sink into insignificance all at once, an'
+aw could'nt help thinkin' at ther wor happen moor trewth i' what awr
+Mally had tell'd me nor awd felt inclined to admit,--Aw could see at
+Billy wor as mich capt as me for he walked a yard or two an' then stopt
+to turn raand, an' his een lukt fairly to be startin' aght ov his heead,
+an' his lower jaw hung onto his shirt as if th' back hinge ov his face
+had brokken. "Nah," aw says, "what does ta think abaat this? will this
+do for thi?" but he nobbut gave me a luk an' withaat spaikin' went a
+yard or two farther an' turned raand agean. After a while we gained th'
+oppen air agean an' then we sat daan whear we could have a view o' th'
+watter fall an faantens. "This is grand," aw sed.
+
+"Tha says reight for once, an'to tell th' plain trewth nah, awm nooan
+sooary aw've come, for it'll fit me to tawk abaat for monny a year."
+
+"Well, awm glad tha's fun summat to suit thi an' aw think tha will be
+suited befoor we've done; for th' buildin' we've come throo is varry
+little moor nor th' gateway to a show at occupies 140 acres. Aw dooant
+think we've owt i' England to equal that!"
+
+"Now!--Bith' heart! Sammy; if a chap could nobbut get that buildin' at
+a easy rent, an' start it as a brewery it ud lick owt o' th' sooart we
+have! Tha sees ther's plenty o' gooid watter--yo could pile yor barrels
+up ith' centre thear--therms plenty o' raam for th' waggons to goa in
+an' aght--th' brewin plant could be fixed at this end--th' malt an' hops
+could be kept i' one o' them steeples, an' th' grains could be shot
+aght o' that winder. It mud ha been built for it. It nobbut wants them
+moniments an' gim-cracks clearin aght, an' it could be made to do i' noa
+time ommost.
+
+"Well, Sammy aw must say awm fain aw've come, an if tha's a mind, we'll
+get aght o' th' sun an' see if we can get summat to sup, but we will'nt
+have ale this time; aw dooant feel to care soa mich abaat it just nah.
+If tha's nowt agean it we'll join at one o' them bottles o' red ink; it
+can nobbut pooisen us'schews ha."
+
+Aw felt soa mad wol aw could'nt help wishin' at it wod pooisen him for
+aw thowt he desarved it. We went to a bonny little place whear aw saw
+some bottles an' glasses, aw dooant know what to call it, but it wor
+a sooart ov a goa between a public haase an' a summer haase, an' aw
+managed to mak' a bonny young lass understand what we wanted, an' shoo
+sarved us wi a smilin' face an' as mich curtseyin' as if we'd gooan to
+ax abaat th' vallyation, an' when aw held aght a handful o' silver for
+her to tak pay aght on, shoo nobbut tuk one French shillin, an' yo
+can buy em at tuppence apiece less nor awrs. We thowt that wor bein'
+gentlemen at a varry cheap rate. Yo may hardly believe it, but aw've
+paid three times as mich for stuff'at has'nt been hauf as gooid,--"Aw
+call this reasonable," aw says.
+
+"Cheap as muck," sed Billy, "its worth that mich to see a bonny lass
+like that--tha sees shoo's like a lady an' shoo knows manners too. Its a
+thaasand pities at shoo connot tawk gradely English."
+
+"It is; shoo's to be pitied for that. English fowk have a deeal to
+be thankful for, but happen shoo's satisfied, for shoo'll be able to
+understand other fowk."
+
+"Tha munnat tell me at a lass like yond can ivver be satisfied wi a lot
+o' gabberin' fowk at cant tawk soas to be understood, shoo's like yond
+buildin' we've just come throo, shoo owt to be put to a better purpose.
+A'a! what a brewus yond wod mak'!"
+
+"Well, tha knows we've all noations ov us own, an' aw connot agree wi
+thee thear. Tha seems to care nowt abaat art, all tha thinks on is ale."
+
+"Well, did ta ivver know onnybody at filled ther belly o' art? Nah aw've
+known monny a one do it wi ale. That's th' way to luk at it."
+
+"It's thy way but it is'nt mine, but as time's gooin on lets goa into
+th' place whear all theas wonderful things are to be seen."
+
+"Goa thi ways, for thar't th' mooast restless chap aw ivver knew, tha'rt
+like a worm on a whut backstun, an' if tha gets into a comfortable
+corner tha will'nt stop. It's nice an' cooil here, but awst be sweltered
+i' th' sunshine. If th' weather's owt like this at hooam it'll play the
+hangment wi yond galcar."
+
+Awm net gooin to say mich abaat th' Exhibition for one or two
+reasons--furst is aw think it's been a deeal better done bi somdy else,
+an' second, it'll tak up soa mich time, an' ther's net monny fowk at
+has'nt seen one, an' they're all mackley--Its enuff to say at this
+licks all at's gooan befoor it, an' 'at noa Englishman had ony need to
+shame for his country, an' nubdy had moor cause for pride nor Yorksher
+fowk. We roamed abaat for an' haar or two but feastin' one's een does'nt
+satisfy th' stummack, an' soa aw hinted at we should goa to th' English
+buffet whear my guide book sed we could get owt we wanted to ait an'
+find fowk at could tawk English. As sooin as aw mentioned it Billy sed
+he cared nowt for a buffet, he'd a deeal rayther have a arm cheer, but
+when aw explained what it wor he wor ready enuff to goa. Awd been warned
+befoor aw coom abaat extortion an' roagery an' tell'd what awful charges
+they made for simple things, but aw meant havin summat daycent to ait
+whativver it cost--soa we sat daan an' ordered soop, an' a plate o' rost
+beef an' puttates, an' some roily polly puddin for a start, an' we thowt
+if that wornt enuff, we'd ax if they could give us a plate o' pie. We
+sooin gate throo th' soop, but we sat a long time waitin' for th'
+rost beef to follow. Next to Billy wor a Frenchman an' his wife,--(aw
+sup-pooas Frenchmen have wives sometimes,)--an' one o' th' waiters browt
+him a nice plate o' boiled chicken, soa we thowt, but he didnt seem
+to tak onny noatice on it but went on wi his tawkin--Billy kept lukkin
+first at him an' then at th' plate an' at last he turned to me an' says,
+"This chap doesnt seem hungry an' its a pity to see this gooin cold," soa
+he shifted th' plate an' began to wire in. It did'nt tak him aboon three
+minutes to finish th' lot an' he passed back th' empty plate,--an' just
+then th' waiter coom wi awr rost beef. We'd just getten fairly started
+when th' Frenchman turned raand to begin, an' when he saw th' plate wi
+nowt on it he lukt as if he could ha swallered them at had swallered
+his dinner, an' he called for th' waiter an' be th' way he shaated an'
+shrugged his shoolders it wor plain to be seen'at he wor lettin somdy
+have it hot, but that did'nt affect Billy for he wor cooil enough an'
+stuck to his mark like a brick, but this Frenchman wor detarmined net to
+let it drop soa easily, an' he stormed an' raved as if he'd been robbed
+ov a pop-ticket, "Whats to do wi this cranky fooil," sed Billy?
+
+Th' waiter could spaik English an' he says, "This gentleman says that he
+has had nothing to eat and he wont pay, and I am certain I brought him a
+dish of stewed frogs, and now he wants to declare he's never seen them!"
+
+Billy's face went as white as mi hat, an' he dropt his knife an' fork,
+"Nah, aw've done it!" he sed, spaikin' to me, "awst be pooisened, aw know
+aw shall! It's all thy fault an' tha'll ha to answer for it."
+
+"Awd nowt to do wi it, tha should let stuff alooan at doesnt belang to
+thi; but ha did they taste?"
+
+"Aw thowt awd nivver had owt as grand i' mi life an' aw wor meeanin to
+have another plate but nah at aw know what it wor awd rayther ha gien a
+fiver nor ha touched sich-like powse. Tha mun promise me nivver to tell
+when we get back, or else they'll plague me abaat it as long as they've
+a day to live."
+
+He seemed to ha lost his appetite after this, but aw stuck to mi corner
+an' made a rattlin dinner an' when awd to pay, an' it wor nobbut two
+franks an' a hauf (that's little moor nor two bob,) aw felt varry mich
+inclined to ax em if they could let us have a bed for th' neet, an then
+awd send for awr Mally an' live thear for six months, for awm sewer
+aw could'nt live as cheap at hooam. Then we went to have a luk at th'
+picturs, an' aw felt praader nor ivver as aw went throo th' English
+gallery--it wor grand! but ther wor others at wor ommost as gooid.
+
+Ther wor a lot o' gooid paintins i' th' French gallery, an' it towt me
+th' meanin o' what fowk call 'poor art,' for th' French art is too poor
+to find clooas for th' men an' wimmen they paint, for throo one end o'
+th' raam to t'other it lukt like nowt as mich as a empty swimmin bath
+whear a craad o' wimmin, three rows deep, wor waitin' for th' watter
+to come in. Billy pooled a handful o' copper aght ov his pocket an'
+reckoned to be thrang caantin it, wol he gat aghtside, for he could'nt
+fashion to luk up, an' aw felt thankful at Mally wor at hooam. Awve noa
+daat ther wor a deeal o' beauty at we missed, an' a deeal o' things'at
+wor varry trew to natur but its possible for trewth to be too bare-faced
+at times. It had getten farish on ith' day when we coom aght, dazed and
+maddled wi th' wonders'at we'd seen, (an' we had'nt seen a quarter o'
+what wor thear) an' we felt at a cup o' teah, wod'nt do us ony harm soa
+we started off for us lodgins.
+
+Billy sed he'd had enough o' walkin' an' he wod'nt stir another peg till
+we gat a cab, soa aw put up mi finger an' one coom. Aw tried all
+th' French aw knew an' a gooid deeal o' th' English but he could'nt
+understand a word, soa aw wrate th' name o' th' place an' th' name o'
+th' street on a card an' gave it him an' he grinned like a Cheshire cat
+an' started off. It wor then we began to find aght what Payris wor like.
+We went throo one big archway at they call Arc de Triomphe de'Etoile,
+an' it fairly made us tremmel. Aw lukt at mi guide book, (an' yo can do
+th' same if yo have one,) an' gat to know all abaat it, an' what it had
+cost; aw cant say'at it seems varry useful but its varry ornamental. We
+rattled on throo bustlin streets whear th' shops wor palaces, an' ther
+wor soa mich to tak us fancy at we tuk noa noatice o' th' cab chap
+wol he pooled up suddenly ith' front ov a arched passage an' coom an'
+oppened th' door an' pointin to th' haase he mooationed us to get
+aght. But it wom't th' reight shop! 'Cafe du Nord,' wor printed up an
+'Manchester House,' wor on a big sign an' 'English spoken,' wor i' big
+gold letters on th' winders but it wor nawther th' same place nor th'
+same street at we'd left ith' mornin. Aw gat aght to mak enquiries but
+Billy wod'nt stir. "Arnt ta baan to get aght?" aw sed.
+
+"Awst stir nooan wol yo find th' reight shop, awm varry comfortable
+here."
+
+Aw did'nt feel varry comfortable, but aw went inside to mak a few
+enquiries, but they mud as weel ha been Objibberaway Indians for ony
+sense aw could mak on em, they did plenty o' bowin an' scrapin an'
+hutchin up o' ther shoolders but that did'nt help me ony, soa aw gate
+hold o' one chap bi th' collar an' tuk him an' planted him opposite th'
+words 'English Spoken,' an' aw says, "Nah then, can ta read that?" "Wee,
+wee," he sed an' off he set, an' aw lukt for th' cab an' Billy but awd
+hard wark to find 'it for ther wor a craad o' fowk gethered raand an'
+th' driver wor stampin an' ravin away at Billy wol he fair fooamed
+at th' maath, an' aw felt thankful just then'at aw did'nt understand
+French, for my belief is at he wornt prayin for him to get aght but
+swearin at him for stoppin in, but Billy wor lainin back smookin a
+cigar an' seemed to be enjoyin it. "Sacrey mon dew!" he shaated at him.
+"Sacrey thisen, if tha wants," sed Billy, "awst nooan stir aght o' this
+wol tha finds th' reight shop; if tha connot find it awm sewer aw connot
+an' aw've trailed abaat wol awm stall'd."
+
+But, for a blessin, th' chap at awd had hold on, coom back an' browt a
+lass wi him, one at aw sup-pooas wor kept o' purpose for th' job, an'
+as shoo happened to know as mich English as aw did French we gate on
+famously. At last aw bethowt me o' th' railway station an' that shoo
+seemed to understand, an' shoo tell'd th' driver summat, but he seemed
+to think he'd had enuff on us, but aw shoved him o' one side an' set
+daan along-side Billy, an' as he could see noa way else aght on it, he
+jumpt on th' dicky an' tuk his revenge aght o' th' horse. Be-foor he gat
+us to th' station aw saw th' haase we wor seekin soa aw stopt him, an'
+we gat aght, an' as we gave him double his fare he gave us a flourishin'
+salute an drave off. As aw wor gooin in at th' door Billy pooled me back
+an' pointed to two little childer abaat eight year old an' he laft wol
+he could'nt spaik for ivver so long, "He, he, he, ho! did ta ivver come
+across owt like that? Tha mun tell Mally abaat that when tha gets hooam
+for it licks all! Why even th' bits o' childer can tawk French!" an' it
+wor true too, tho' when aw coom to consider abaat it aw did'nt see owt
+soa varry wonderful in it after all.
+
+A cup o' teah an' a walk to th' railway station whear we gat a gooid
+wesh for a penny, freshened us up a bit an' we prepared to spend th'
+furst neet i' Payris th' same as mooast fowk do; that is, we started
+aght i' hoaps at we should see summat at we should condemn after we'd
+seen it, an' deplore th' existence ov th' varry things at form th'
+principal attraction for nine aght o' ivvery ten at pay a visit to
+th' finest city ith' world, whear gaiety flooats ovver th' surface o'
+ivverything an' th' cankerin sorrow is busy deep ith' heart.=
+
+```A sorrowing heart ne'er seems as sad
+
+````As when'midst gaiety;
+
+```You see beneath the flimsy veil,
+
+````Its writhing misery.=
+
+```The apple with the golden rind,
+
+````The greedy eye gloats o'er,
+
+```But then, alas,'tis sad to find
+
+````Dry ashes at its core.=
+
+```The smiling face, the beaming eye.
+
+````The soft and snowy skin;
+
+```Turns pleasure into horror when
+
+````We find all black within.=
+
+```Better the humblest face and form.
+
+````If virtue dwells therein;
+
+```Than all the beauties that adorn
+
+````The inward heart of sin.=
+
+[Illustration: 0053]
+
+[Illustration: 0054]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV. JENDI SOIR.
+
+[Illustration: 9054]
+
+OULEVARD des Italiens;--aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
+saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut
+a street after all.)
+
+When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
+carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into
+one fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry
+nearly ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith'
+front on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an'
+chattin an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther
+wor one thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther
+wives an' ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt
+tell owt they sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen.
+We walked along, starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor
+strange to us. Th' gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes,
+an' they wor leeted up like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or
+cigar shops, an' th' leets throo th' winders made all seem as breet as
+day ommost. Even Billy seemed satisfied wi it.
+
+But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
+corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
+th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
+away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook
+or strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor
+varry gooid friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th'
+Tuileries Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor
+workin, an' th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen
+furst rate, an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an'
+he wor soa takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry,
+an' it wornt until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a
+maath. It wor strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see
+awm leearnin French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa,
+"When yo're i' Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant
+think at th' ale is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled
+on until we saw summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we
+made for that. Aw thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for
+some famous chap to goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an'
+shooldered mi umberel an' walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it
+wor noa use jfor we had to pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot!
+It wor unlike owt awd ivver seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat
+fairy land, but fairy land wor a fooil to it--faantens an' flaars an'
+coloured lamps ivverywhear an' ith' middle on it all wor a stage for
+doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we wor lukkin at it a chap comes up
+an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life.
+"Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm blessed if aw can tell whear aw've
+met thi befoor," an' he held aght his hand to shake hands wi him an'
+as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved him a ticket into it an' stood
+waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear, soa aw tuk one an' gave
+th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw at they wer nobbut
+programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up, th' doncin stage
+wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young wimmen aw ivver
+saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt but angels,) an'
+ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy an' me wor ith'
+front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver forget, but one
+such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe th' pen's been
+made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor like. It wor
+indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin an' attempt
+at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes an'
+played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
+em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an'
+wimmen, some on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,--young, an'
+innocent;--will ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net.
+An' soa that's what all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an'
+temples is for. A glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels
+to hide a festerin sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck;
+an' bi that means to thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an'
+seek for admiration, an' applause for that which makes ivvery drop o'
+virtuous blooid i' yor body stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th'
+inmost chamber o' yor heart to mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister,
+Modesty.
+
+We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,)
+an' then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut
+th' middle word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat
+thear we pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to,
+for we wor just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho'
+aw dreamt a gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha
+liked em, for all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as
+aw could to get aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi
+th' pooaker i' one hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother
+to blow me up, an' fowk a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh
+heeld booits, silk stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw
+wor thankful to find at aw wor at a safe distance throo em all, an'
+especially Mally. But ther wor a fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam
+to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw could reight reckon it up, but when
+aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if
+ther'd been a whut cinder under me an' flew to see what wor to do. It
+wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw had'nt, one o' them two wod ha
+been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha been Billy. Nah, awve monny
+a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage ther is in a pair o' booits
+an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met a brave man when in his
+shirt an nowt else--let a chap have his booits an' his britches on, an'
+he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent throo his heead or his heart,
+but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit an' run th' risk o' havin'
+ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght o' th' arms o' Morpheus,
+aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate into th' next hoil an'
+went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an' another chap, aw lukt
+varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha lukt like at my age if
+they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've allusseen him pictured in
+as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one Englishman is equal to
+two Frenchmen at ony time--but like a lot moor o' th' old sayins it
+isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can bother a couple o'
+Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an' this happened to
+be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us booath if he'd
+takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he left Billy an'
+stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt aght for a
+chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that settled him.
+If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf as helpless,
+as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call it ovver
+coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi it,)
+hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off Billy's
+bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin' sheet;
+but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
+shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
+makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap
+he wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does
+ta think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
+muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened
+up he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets,
+an' when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away
+as mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest
+to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo shaated
+an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
+altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
+an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
+sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo
+wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked
+aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another
+'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy
+ith' mornin."
+
+[Illustration: 0061]
+
+
+DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9061]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored
+up pleasant memories an fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th furst time sin
+he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid clothes early in the morning
+an' brush them and bring them back, he's the valet de chambre.
+
+"Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi
+own haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus,
+an' he'd nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich
+obleeged to yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen
+espescially, an' then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an'
+donned awst be ready to answer for it."
+
+"Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
+
+"Happen net,--but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
+turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin
+a bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a
+couple o' cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor
+to be sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been
+a cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman
+wi a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
+nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
+ha done for his braik-fast.
+
+Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle
+just to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a
+handful o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk
+aght one france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a
+sodger, an' he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin
+an' makkin bows an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.--Thinks aw, a
+little brass gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two
+chaps at hooam, one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended
+that for em booath.
+
+We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began
+to plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after
+starin at me for a minit, he gave me a letter--When aw saw th' envelop
+aw did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally
+an' shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at
+Sammywell Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood
+bi forriners, shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i'
+Lundun," an' pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
+
+"Public Haase,
+
+Payris."
+
+[Illustration: 0064]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V. VENDREDI.
+
+MALLY'S LETTER.
+
+Deer Sammywell.
+
+If tha doesnt get this letter be sewer an' rite to let me know as awm
+nooan fond o' wastin mi time penkin ower a piece a papper all for nowt
+an' if tha does get it tha need'nt bother to let me know for awm ommost
+at mi wits end an' fowks cryin shame on thi for leeavin me as tha does
+an' aw've had nowt to ait nobbut a cup o' teah sin tha left except a
+beefsteak an' a box o' pills an' ha they'll do for me aw connot tell yet
+but awl let thi know next letter an' tha mun tell me iwerything tha does
+an' says for awve had a nasty dream abaat thi an' aw fancied tha wor
+an' angel an' aw dooant want thi to fly away an' leeav me befoor tha's
+settled thi club'at should o' been paid last wick an' awr Hepsaba says
+at they'll happen present thi wi a legion o' horror an' if they do aw
+want thi to leeav it behind for we've lots o' flaysom stuff here already
+an' black clocks creeps abaat wi as mich cheek as if it wor them at paid
+th' rent an' we're swarmin wi flees noa moor at present soa tak care
+o' thi umberel an' be careful for tha knows what aw meean for tha'rt
+a gronfather an aw believe awr Hepsaba's child is gooin to have th'
+meeasles wi kind love noa moor at present Billy's mother is ommost ranty
+abaat him for th' last brewin is soa waik wol it will'nt run aght o' th'
+barrel an soa noa moor at present--=
+
+```A'a Sammywell ha can ta fashun
+
+```To leav thi wife i' this here fashion
+
+```When tha owt to be at hooam mindin thi wark.
+
+```But aw believe tha wor nivver fond o' wark.=
+
+Nah tha sees aw can rite as weel as thee an' if ther isnt as mich poetry
+in it thers a deeal moor sense in it nor ther is ith' mooast o' thine
+soa noa moor at present An' aw remane
+
+Thi lawful wife an' dooant forget it
+
+Mally Grimes.
+
+A'a! shoos th' same old lass as ivver shoo wor an' wi all her faults aw
+love her still. "Nah Billy, whear are we to steer to to-day? What says
+ta if we goa an' have a luk at th' Tuileries for they tell me at its a
+grand spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it! Aw wish we wor gooin back hooam for aw call this
+a waste o' booath time an' brass."
+
+"Oh, tha'll begin to enjoy thisen nah an' awm sewer tha luks better an'
+aw hav'nt heeard thi say owt abaat bein bilious sin yesterdy mornin."
+
+"Bilious! Who th' duce does ta think can be bilious in a country like
+this? Ther's nowt to get bilious on!"
+
+"Awm sewar tha's seemd to enjoy thisen as far as aitin an' drinkin's
+consarned, happen tha'd like a bottle o' ale befoor we start off?"
+
+"Nay aw want noa ale. Aw dooant fancy it here th' same as when awm
+at hooam. Aw wonder ha mi poor mother's gettin on. Ther's that three
+quarters o' malt, an' here am aw payin soa mich a day for hallockin mi
+time away dooin nowt; but let's start off for if ther's owt to see we
+may as weel be lukkin."
+
+It wor a grand mornin, th' sky wor a breeter blue nor awd ivver seen it
+an' as we walked on th' river side all wor gay an' bustlin, an' th' air
+wor soa pure an' sweet wol it made us booath feel leeter, an' altho' it
+wor varry whut it did'nt seem to weary us. Th' Tooileries, (yo can buy
+a pictur on em for a penny,) aw shall'nt forget em in a hurry, we walked
+raand em but it ud ha killed th' best pairt ov a day to ha done em
+justice, pairt on em wor still standin up, blackened ruins, a monument
+grim an' ghastly to testify to th' blind fury ov a lot o' misguided
+fanatics at had escaped aght o' th' harness ov law's authority, an' to
+gratify ther unreasonin desires for destruction, wrecked beauties, at
+nawther ther brains nor ther purses had ever helpt to raise, an' left
+as a legacy to others, th' cost an' th' labor to patch up, an' as far as
+can be, replace what their senseless rage had destroyed, an' to try to
+blot aght th' black stain,'at an' insane mob had left on the blooid red
+page ov th' darkest day throo which fair France has passed.
+
+We went throo th' Louvre next, an' if Payris could booast nowt else it
+could still hold up its heead an' be praad;--even Billy wor varry quiet
+as we went throo one gallery after another, an' aw must confess'at aw
+wornt sooary when we gate aght for ther wor soa mich to dazzle one wol
+th' pleasur wor painful. Just as we turned th' corner, Billy clapt his
+hand o' mi shoolder an' browt us booath to a deead stand--"Sithee! by
+gum! did ta ivver see sich a oonion as that i' thi life?"
+
+Aw lukt, an' reight enuff it wor a queer object at wor anent us, an'
+it did'nt luk mich unlike a monster oonion th' wrang end up, an' as it
+sway'd throo side to side it lukt like th' dome o' St. Paul's on th'
+rant, "Why," aw says, "that's th' baloon! What says ta if we have a
+ride?"
+
+"Whear too?"
+
+"Up ith' air an' daan agean."
+
+"But what better shall we be when we get daan agean?"
+
+"When we goa up we shall be able to see all ovver Payris at once, an'
+it'll be a grand seet."
+
+"Will it!--Well if tha thinks awve come here to mak as big a fooil o'
+misen as tha art, thart mistakken if tha wants to goa sky-larkin tha
+can goa, but if awve ony larks awl have em o' th' graand."
+
+"Well, Billy, aw nivver thowt tha'd be flaid ov a bit ov a thing like
+that, aw gave thi credit for moor pluck."
+
+"Pluck! does ta think at aw've kept a aleus at th' moorend all theas
+years withaat pluck? Ther's moor pluck i' my little finger nor ther is
+ith' whooal carcase ov a played-aght-old-poverty-knocker like thee, an'
+if aw tak a fancy to goa up to th' mooin, aw shall goa!"
+
+We'd to pay a franc to get into th' square whear it wor, an' then it wor
+20 francs to have a ride, "ray-ther a heigh price," aw sed to Billy.
+
+"Well its happen a heigh journey," he sed, "but awst want to have a
+gooid luk at it befoor aw ventur, net at aw care owt abaat it whether
+its safe or net, but just to see ha its contrived for commin daan. Well,
+aw do wonder what they'll do next! ther's engines here big enuff to work
+a factory, an' a rooap thick enuff to tug th' Great Eastern an' as mich
+clooath used to mak that gurt bag as ud ha supplied ivvery poor body i'
+Payris wi a new suit, an' as mich gas to fill it as ud sarve my aleus
+for aw dooant know ha long; an' ther's as monny sailors to attend to it,
+as John de Morgan can find sixpences ith' collectin' box, an' its all
+for what? Nowt i' this world but to suit a lot o' strackle-brained
+fooils at'll be just as wise, or less, after they've come daan as they
+wor befoor they went up."
+
+But i' spite o' all he had to say he meant gooin up, aw could see; net
+at he wanted, an' net becoss he'd noa fear abaat it, but just on accaant
+o' me havin spokken as aw did, an' rayther nor be thowt to be short o'
+pluck, he'd ha gooan up if he'd felt sewer he'd nivver ha come, daan.
+Aw cant say'at aw felt varry mich up on it, but aw wornt gooin to give
+Billy th' chonce to crow ovver me, soa we went to th' little office an
+bowt a ticket apiece an' wor sooin stood up amang a scoor moor in a big
+raand mahogny tub'at they called a car. Th' time coom for us to be off
+an' after as mich bustle an' shaatin as if we wor gooin to th' north
+powl, th' captain,--(Aw suppooas he'd be a captain;)--sed, "Now we're
+off!" in as plain English as aw ivver heeard. But aw did'nt see'at we
+wor gooin up at all, for we did'nt seem to stir, but when Billy lukt
+ovver th' edge he turned to me an' says, "E'e'gow! lad, th' world's
+tummelin!" An' that wor just like what it seemed like, for asteead o' us
+seemin to be leeavin th' world, th' world seemed to be leeavin us.
+
+Well, it wor a wonderful seet reight enuff; but when we'd getten to th'
+end ov th' journey, an had mustered courage enuff to have a gooid stare
+raand, Payris nobbut lukt a littlish spot compared wi all we could see
+beyond it. A chap'at acted as guide gave a lectur, an' pointed aght
+ivverything worth noatice, but as it wor all i' French it wor Dutch to
+Billy an' me. We coom daan as gently as we'd gooan up, an' aw fancied
+at we all seemed in a bigger hurry to get aght nor we'd been to get
+in--When we stud once agean o' solid graand Billy stamped on it to mak
+sewer at it did'nt shake an' findin it as firm as usual he turned to me,
+"Well, what does ta think on it?"
+
+"Why, awm glad we've been up," aw sed, "for it 'll be summat for us to
+tawk abaat."
+
+"Eeah, but awm glad we've come daan, for if we had'nt ther'd ha been
+summat moor to tawk abaat, an' ony chap at'll goa up i' that consarn
+aboon once, unless he's weel paid for it, owt to stop up. Sup-pooas th'
+rooaps had brokken whear should we ha stopt thinks ta? Happen ha gooan
+up an' up wol we'd struck bang agean th' top an' had to stick thear!
+It's what aw call flyin ith' face o' Providence an' its a thing'at owt
+to be stopt."
+
+"Whear shall we goa next; suppooas we try Notter dame."
+
+"Try who tha likes if they sell a daycent article."
+
+"Aw wornt meeanin owt to ait an' drink, aw meant a famous church'at ther
+is."
+
+"Suit thisen, but awst nooan caar long to hear th' New Testyment made a
+fooil on."
+
+We walked daan th' river side an' grand it wor--th' watter is a deeal
+cleaner nor th' Thames, but th' river's varry narrow an' ther's bridges
+ivvery few yards. Th' steeam booats wor full o' gaily dressed men an'
+women, an' music wor playin, an scoars 0' little booats wor skimmin
+along; all lukt lively an' fowk seemed happy. At ivvery convenient spot
+ther wor men fishing wi ther long rods, an' lollin ith' sun watchin th'
+bit o' cork bob up an' daan ith' watter; an' aw may as weel mention it
+here; aw saw th' same chaps ivvery day ith' same spots, sometimes early
+ith' mornin, sometimes when it wor ommost to dark to see, noa matter
+whativver time aw passed they wor at ther old pooasts. Judgin bi ther
+dress they wornt fishin for a livin, an' after lukkin at ther baskets
+an' nivver bein able to see at one on em had getten owt, aw made it aght
+at they must be fishin for enjoyment, an' aw hooap they catched it.
+Wol aw wor takken up wi watchin'em Billy wor tryin to mak aght what
+wor gooin on o' th' other side. "Sithee, Sammy! What's all yond; wimmen
+reckonin to be dooin? Are they weshin'?"
+
+He'd guessed reight, an' thear they wor in a long shed at seemed to
+be fit up wi ivverything they wanted, soa far as we could see at that
+distance, an' they wor splashin an' brayin an' stampin an' tawkin as
+if ther lives depended o' which could mak th' mooast ov a slop an' th'
+biggest din. As we went walkin on, one o' th' seets at lukt to us mooast
+strange, wor th' number o' men walkin abaat i' black petticoits an'
+brooad brimmed hats. If a chaps face is an index to his karracter,
+as some fowk say it is, th' fewer o' th' priests, sich as we met, an'
+th'better for th' country aw should think. Aw dooant want to say owt to
+offend onybody, but to be truthful awm foorced to say 'at aw pivver saw
+sich a lot o' ill favvord fowk i' mi life, an' if Madam Tooswords wants
+to add another chamber o' horrors to her show shoo could'nt do better
+nor get th' casts o' some o' their mugs. Ther's noa likelihood o'
+ony wolves destroyin ony o' their flocks, soa long as they've sich
+scarecrows for shepherds. Still they seemed a jolly lot, but just as we
+gate to th' Cathedral a oppen cab drives up, wi a priest in it i' full
+cannonicals, white lawn sleeves an' all to booit; but th' seet on it
+knocked th' wind aght 0' booath Billy an' me.--Aw dooant say'at what we
+saw wor wrang--aw say at it did'nt luk reight to us--for he wor lollin'
+back ith' cab, dressed as awve tell'd yo, withaat hat, an' smokin a
+short public haase clay pipe--It saands strange to yo awve noa daat, but
+its true, an' when he jumpt aght, he lifted up his petticoit an' pooled
+some paper aght ov his pocket, an' stuffed some into th' pipe heead,
+put it in his pocket, spit onto th' porch ov a temple erected for th'
+holiest o' purposes, an' makkin some mooation at aw did'nt understand,
+he walked in, aw hooap wi motives purer nor his clooas or his breeath
+wor likely to be. At ivvery corner at yo'd to pass, wor a woman kneelin
+on a cheer, an' dressed to luk as solemn as a mute at a funeral, an' to
+render as ugly as possible, faces an' forms'at God had made beautiful;
+an' they'd each on 'em a bag i' ther hand wi a few coppers in it, an'
+they shook'em as yo went past. Aw did drop a copper into one but Billy
+wod'nt, for he sed if they wanted to cadge let'em goa aght into th'
+street an' cadge reight. He'd hardly getten th' words aght ov his maath
+when he sprang back an' planted his heavy booit fair at top ov a corn at
+awve been nursin for th' thick end o' thirty year, an' made me exhibit
+a one-legged performance at wor somewhat aght o' place just then, but
+Billy wor too mad to tak ony noatice, an' wor havin a row wi a long
+lank wizzened carcase an' face at belanged to a woman at stood behind
+a little table, an' had a little besom in her hand, but when Billy axed
+her what shoo'd done that for? shoo held up a bag wi some moor coppers
+in an' shook it at him grinnin at him like a monkey. "What's to do?" aw
+ax'd for it wornt a place to kick up a disturbance in--"Shoo's slarted
+me all ovver mi face wi watter aght o' that besom."
+
+"Tak noa noatice," aw sed, "it's a practice they have i' this country to
+sprinkle fowk wi what they call holy watter;--ha mich did ta pay her for
+it?"
+
+"Pay her! does ta think aw've gooan cleean of th' side?"
+
+"Well, if tha hasnt paid her owt tha's lost nowt an' tha sees shoo has
+lost her watter, an' her trouble."
+
+Th' watter will'nt matter much for shoo'll be able to mak some moor as
+sooin as that's done, an' as for th' trouble,--if awd had her aghtside
+awd ha gein her trouble. But Sammy, is this a church or is it some
+sooart ov a bazaar? Sithee, thers a woman thear sellin candles, an'
+another little picturs an' gimcracks, aw did'nt know they allaad fowk to
+sell stuff in a church. "What's yond chap dooin." We went to see, an' he
+wor tawkin away at a gate an' as fowk went in he handed em a ticket for
+which they paid. We follered an' he gave us each a ticket for 50c. an'
+we went to see th' wonders o' th' Treasury, as it wor called. Aw quite
+agree wi Billy'at it wor a sell, for ther wor little to see, an' that
+little not near as well worth seein as ony silversmiths shop winder. We
+did'nt stop long thear, but we had a long stroll throw th' buildin, an'
+it is a wonder--its a whoal mass o' beauties--an' someha it has'nt soa
+mich ov a luk ov a gravestooan makkers show raam, as awr St. Paul's an'
+Westminster Abbey--but one thing spoilt it all to me, for it seemed
+to sarve noa purpose nobbut money makkin, an' aw wonderd if th' time
+ud ivver come when another Man should mak a scourge an' drive aght th'
+desecraters ov His Father's temple--It's ommost time!
+
+When we left that grand old pile, we crossed a street an' entered a
+buildin whear daily can be seen th' mooast sorrowful an' sickenin seet
+i' Paris. Aw meean th' Morgue. When th' remembrance ov ivvery other
+seet has faded, that'll still be fresh. It will'nt be rubbed aght an'
+yo connot blot it aght, aw wish aw could. Billy gave one glance
+raand--"Aw'll wait for thi aghtside," he sed, an' he wod'nt ha had long
+to wait if it had'nt been'at aw felt it a sooart ov a duty to see all at
+wor to be seen. It wor a scorchin hot day aghtside, but as sooin as yo
+entered this bare comfortless lukkin place, yo felt a chill creep all
+ovver yo. Why it is'at places intended to contain objects soa repulsive
+should be contrived i' sich a way as to add to th' painfulness o' th'
+Exhibition aw could nivver tell; but soa it is. Even i' Payris, whear
+glass an' glitter meets yo at ivvery turn, an' ornamentation runs wild
+ovver ivverything, recent or ruined, they could'nt spare one solitary
+touch to soften an' subdue soa agonizin a show--But th' place wor full
+o' fowk an' 'at ther wor summat moor nor common aw could guess. Inside a
+big glass screen, like th' winder ov a fish shop, wor a big braan stooan
+slab wi watter tricklin ovver it, an' on it wor laid three bodies'at had
+been pickt aght o' th' river; one a man, but aw will'nt say owt abaat
+it--it wor too fearful for me to try to paint it--one wor a bonny little
+lad abaat four years old, weel nourished, an' ivvery thing it had on
+throo its shoes to its hat showed ha praad sombody had been on it--My
+heart ached as aw thowt o' that poor mother at wor somwhear lamentin'
+her loss, an' yet buildin up hooaps at one glance at that little face
+wod settle for ivver--But it wor th' third, raand which th' craad wor
+clusterin;--it wor that ov a young woman, beautiful i' booath face an'
+form--soa beautiful'at it wor hard to believe her deead. What could
+have caused her put an end to a life'at had hardly fully blossomed into
+womanhood? It could'nt be poverty, for th' jewels still on her small
+white hands, wod ha beep enough to ha warded off want for a long time;
+'er whole dress showed signs ov wealth an' extravagance. Aw could nobbut
+wonder an' feel sad an' repeat=
+
+````"Has she a Father?
+
+````Has she a mother?
+
+````Has she a sister?
+
+````Has she a brother?
+
+````Or is there a nearer one
+
+````Still, and a dearer one?"=
+
+It lukt hard to see one soa young an' fair laid o' that weet stooan,
+past all help--One could but sigh an' walk away=
+
+````"Admitting her weakness,
+
+`````Her evil behaviour;
+
+````But leaving with meekness,
+
+`````Her sins to her Saviour."=
+
+When aw joined Billy agean aw wor startin to tell him all abaat
+it--"Shut up!" he sed, "aw saw quite enuff, an' aw want to hear nowt
+noa moor abaat it. If it suits thee to goa maunderin abaat seekin' foi
+sorrow, it doesnt me. Aw want summat to ait, an' it'll have to be summat
+substantial, soa leead th' way into th' furst place tha comes to at tha
+thinks gradely."
+
+We kept walkin on, an' havin soa mich to luk at, we went a long way
+withaat callin, but at last aw sed, "Wod ta like a plain sooart ov a
+shop or mun we goa to a showy spot?"
+
+"Aw care nowt abaat it whether its plain or net if ther's summat fit to
+feed a true born Englishman throo Yorksher, but tha'll ha thi wark set
+to find a place here'at isnt showy--in fact as far as aw can judge, it's
+moor show nor owt else i' this blessed country; th' Exhibition is a
+big show--th' baloon's another show--yond doncin demons wor a show--th'
+churches are turned into shows--ther deead haase is a show--ther
+buildins are stuck up an' bedizened wi gingerbreead an' gilt, all for
+show--th' men an' wimmen are all shuffle an' show--an' sithee here! awm
+blowed if ther isnt a church steeple stuck up for a show! Well, that's
+a rum en! Aw've monny a time seen a church baat steeple but this is th'
+furst time aw ivver saw a steeple baat church!"
+
+"Its true what tha says, an' a grand monument it maks ith' middle o'
+this square. It luks weel doesnt it?"
+
+"Luks! aw care nowt abaat ha it luks! What is it for? That's what aw
+want to know! What's th' use o' fillin up a place wi stuff at's o' noa
+use nobbut to be lukt at?"
+
+"They'll nivver stick thee up to be lukt at, for tha am't hansom enuff,
+soa tha need'nt freeat!" aw says, for aw felt a bit nettled.
+
+"Noa, aw dooant hardly think they will, an' aw should fancy they havnt
+been to ax thee yet, have they? Aw think my turn'll be abaat th' next
+after thine."
+
+Aw did'nt answer him back, for a varry gooid reason; as long as a chap
+tawks sense awl tawk to him, but as sooin as he maks a fooil ov hissen
+aw've done.
+
+"Nah then, will this shop suit thi?" aw sed, as aw stopt anent a
+resteraunt door.
+
+"If its fit for a littleary chap like tha reckons to be, it should be
+gooid enuff for a chap at keeps a aleus at th' moor end."
+
+"If tha thinks tha can get my monkey up wi mak-kin a desplay o' thi own
+stupid ignorance tha'rt varry much mistakken! for awl nawther be put
+aght o' temper wi thee nor a man twice as gooid! an' if tha'rt anxious
+to be shut o' mi cumpny, aw think awst be able to spare thine!" an' aw
+walked on leavin him to suit hissen whether he follerd me or net. Aw
+went to th' end o' th' street an' wor just enterin another square wi
+another big monument ith' middle, when aw turned raand to see if he wor
+comin, an' just as aw did soa aw felt as if a cannon ball had landed o'
+mi stummack. A potbellyed Frenchman, donned i' red britches, an' a black
+coit an' a white appron teed raand him baanced abaat a yard off on me
+an' began tawkin an' shruggin his shoolders an' poolin his face into all
+sooarts o' shaps--nah it ud ha been better for him if he wor anxious
+to mak mi acquaintance, to ha chosen another time--Aw did'nt loise mi
+temper, coss awd made up mi mind'at aw wod'nt, but aw just gave him
+one for his nob'at sent him spinnin like a castle top, an' his hat flew
+monny a yard, an' aw stood ready to give him another o' th' same sooart
+if he thowt it worth his while to fotch it, but he did'nt, an' varry
+sooin two or three gethered raand us an' lukt as if they meant mischief
+to me, but aw kept cooil--aw wor detarmined aw wod'nt be put aght o'
+temper; an' aw seized hold o' mi umberel an' aw just felt as if aw could
+fettle abaat a duzzen on em--or two duzzen for th' matter o' that,--its
+cappin what a chap fancies he can do if he nobbut keeps cooil.--Just
+then Billy coom up an' th' Frenchman went up to him an' aw suppooas
+bi th' way he kept pointin to me, he wor tryin to explain matters, an'
+although Billy could'nt tell a word he sed he seemed to understand what
+he meant, an' he sed to me, "come on Sammy, awve ordered steaks an'
+puttates for two, an' another bottle o' red ink. Tha's nowt to be feeard
+on, it'll be all reight."
+
+"Feeard on! ther's nowt aw am feeard on! Aw shuddent be feeard o' thee
+if tha wor twice as big as tha art, aw can tell thi that mich! Tha's
+been tryin all tha knows this mornin to mak me loise mi temper, but
+tha'rt suckt, for it'll tak a better man nor thee!"
+
+"Well, aw dooant think tha has lost it, Sammy, it'd be a gooid job if
+tha had, an aw should pity th' chap at fun it, but ther's a treat for
+thi; tha could'nt ha pickt aght a better shop nor this if tha'd gooan
+all throo Payris, for ther's a stooan mason throo Manchester gettin his
+dinner, an' he can tawk awther French or English, an' he's knockt off
+wark for th' day, an' he's willing to show us raand."
+
+This wor gooid news an' it made me feel--(not better tempered, becoss
+awd nivver been aght o' temper, tho' Billy swears to this day at aw wor
+as mad as a wasp, but then he's a poor judge o' human natur is Billy;)
+but it made me feel moor,--well, moor,--aw hardly know what to say, but
+yo'll know what aw meean, for awve noa daat yo've felt that way yorsen.
+When we gate in, he wor as pleeased to see us as we wor to see him,
+an' he sooin made th' Frenchman, (who turned aght to be th' maister)
+understand ha things stood, an' then he shuk hands wi me an' bowed, an'
+sed summat; an' th' mason tell'd me at he wor sayin 'he wor varry sooary
+if he'd hurt me, an' hooaped aw should forgie him;' "Ov coorse," aw sed,
+"tell him awm one'at nivver bears malice, an' at he mun thank his stars
+he met me when he did, for if aw had'nt happened to be i' th' best
+humour ith' world, aw should ha fettled his nop for him."
+
+"Eeah, friend, be sewer an' tell him that for it'll happen saand moor
+like trewth i' French nor it does i' English--" Th' steaks happenin to
+come in just at that time put an' end to th' tawk, an' it wornt long
+befoor we put an end to th' steak. Then they browt us a big dish o'
+fruits--grapes an' plums an' apples an' peaches, an' we had a reight
+tuck in. "Aw dooant think aw've etten as mich crash sin aw wor a lad,"
+aw sed, an' Billy sed he wor sewer he had'nt, an' he'd noa idea it wor
+as gooid as it wor!
+
+"Well," th' mason sed, "that is owing to the climate, you would'nt enjoy
+the same things as well at home--I get fruit for breakfast. I dont think
+you drank much claret when you was at home."
+
+"Awm sewer we did'nt," sed Billy, "for aw supt nowt but ale, an' nah aw
+hardly feel to care for it. But aw dooant think ale's as gooid here as
+it is at hooam."
+
+"It ought to be for it comes from the best English breweries, but look
+at these workmen gettin their dinners, they look a fine set of men."
+
+An' they did, an' Billy an' me did watch em, as aw began wonderin
+whether or net it wor true, at English fowk had all th' sense ith'
+world. Its worth while givin an' accaant o' their dinner, for this book
+will noa daat fall into th' hands o' monny a workin' chap at's apt to
+grummel even if he has to put up wi a beefsteak at hasnt come off th'
+steak booan, an' it may do him noa harm to know ha other fowk live.
+
+One bottle o' claret, for which they paid a franc--a looaf, abaat a
+yard long, an' abaat as thick as mi arm, for which they paid half a
+franc--a jug o' cold watter an' three tumbler glasses. Aw wonder
+what three stooan masons at hooam wod ha made aght o' that for ther
+dinner--fifteen pence wor all it cost for three on em. They each hawf
+filled ther glass wi wine, then filled it up wi watter, an' then divided
+th' looaf into three, an' each takkin a fooit on it, they pooled pieces
+off an dipped it into ther wine an' watter an ate it wi a relish.
+"Sewerly," aw sed, "tha doesnt mean to say at that's all they'll ha to
+ther dinner."
+
+"But it is, and what may surprise you to know is that breakfast and
+supper only differ by the addition of fruit or some simple vegetable,
+and yet they can work for twelve hours a day, and they dont look bad."
+
+"They're three o' th' finest chaps aw've seen sin aw coom into Payris," aw
+sed, "but aw should think they'll hardly be able to do as mich wark as
+Englishmen?"
+
+"Well, its generally thought so, but my experience is that they do--They
+never break any time--I have been here nearly two years and have over
+two hundred men under me--and there has never one lost a day through
+drink since I came."
+
+"Well, its cappin isn't it Billy? one could hardly ha believed it if
+they had'nt seen it. What wod English masons think if they'd to be stopt
+off ther beef an ale?"
+
+"Nay, its flaysome to think on, it maks me low spirited,--let's sup off
+an' be gooin--its as ill as th' deead haase is this."
+
+[Illustration: 0081]
+
+[Illustration: 0084]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI. LES BRASSERIES.
+
+[Illustration: 9084]
+
+ETER,--that wor th' name'at this stooan mason had been kursened,--agreed
+to spend th' rest o' th' afternooin an' neet wi us, an' show us what he
+could. Aw had'nt forgetten seein th' monument at th' time awd had a dust
+wi th' Frenchman, an' soa aw propooased we should goa thear furst, an'
+we did--at th' furst seet it reminded me o' th' monument o' London, but
+it proved to be summat far hansomer, for it wor th' Vendome column. Awd
+read abaat it befoor an' knew all abaat th' silly lumpheeads'at spent
+days o' labor to pool it daan, as if bi destroyin that they could blot
+aght th' memory o' th' man it wor raised to honor; whearas if it wor
+possible to sweep ivvery stick an stooan'at forms ther splendid city,
+off th' face o' th' eearth, an' leeav nowt but a barran tract o' land
+in its place, noa pilgrim wanderin ovver it but what wod find his thowts
+circlin raand th' memory ov Napoleon. All honour to them, who while
+strivin to wrest an empire from his successor's grasp, raised once agean
+this monument to his fame.
+
+It ud be wearisome if awd to attempt to describe all th' grand
+buildings, statys, faantens an' churches'at we passed--Peter wor
+ivvedently at hooam, an' could show us moor i' hauf a day nor we should
+ha seen in a wick--Just a passing word abaat one an' then awl leeav
+writin abaat what yo can read abaat i' scoors o' books beside this, an'
+give an idea or two abaat things'at other writers awther havnt seen or
+darnt tell. La Madaleine,--that's th' name ov a church--but it does'nt
+luk a bit like a church, its far moor like St. George's Hall at
+Liverpool, but ther's summat far grander abaat it. It wor oppen free,
+an' we went in. Inside it lukt as Billy sed, 'far moor like a gurt
+cungerin show nor a church,' but ther wor noa mistak abaat its beauty.
+Ther wor a gooid lot o' fowk in, mooastly strangers like ussen, but here
+an' thear wor one'at seemed to have moor serious business on hand.
+Unless ther's moor virtue in a candle nor aw think ther is, ther's a
+fearful waste o' wax gooas on i' that spot, for ther wor scoors burnin,
+net to give leet, that awm certain.--Peter sed it wor a custom wi em to
+burn a lot o' candles after th' deeath o' onybody, soa as to leet ther
+soul into th' next world,--aw dooant think it does ony harm, an' if it
+satisfies em, its as weel to say nowt abaat it, but when my time comes
+aw hooap ther'll be a breeter way to show me th' rooad nor what them
+candles seemed to give. Although they let yo in for nowt, yo'd hard wark
+to get aght withaat payin summat, but we did manage it, an' felt better
+suited wi ussen,--net'at we wor too meean to pairt wi a copper or two
+for th' seet wor worth it, but becoss we did'nt agree wi th' principle
+on it.
+
+Another wonder worth mentionin, is th' New Grand Opera House, but altho'
+it did cost a million paands sterlin it ud be as mich as mi heead wor
+worth, if awd to say at it wor owt fit to be compared wi th' New Grand
+Opera house they've built i' Leeds, becoss ther nivver wor sich a place
+as that, accordin to all accaants, an' if th' architect should ivver
+'shuffle off this mortal coil,' aw hooap they'll put him in a bottle,
+an' set him up ith' Philosophical Museum as a new curiosity, for ther's
+nivver been owt fresh put in sin aw wor a lad, an' that's a year or two
+sin--th' last time aw wor thear aw thowt th' mumny lukt fair looansome.
+It's a pity at th' Grand Opera Haase i' Payris doesnt pay, but what it
+falls short, th' government maks up, an' its to be hooaped'at if th'
+Leeds "Grand" does'nt pay'at th' Corporation'll suppooart it aght o' th'
+rates--for awm gien to understand at it wor nivver built wi th' idea o'
+makkin a profit aght on it, but nobbut to elevate th' public taste, tho'
+they tak gooid care'at yo get noa taste 0' th' elevation unless yo
+pay to go in. When aw read th' Leeds Mercury, (aw allusread all th'
+theatrical news i' their paper,) an' saw all they had to say abaat it,
+it reminded me ov a chap aw knew'at lived at Halifax, an' when ivver
+ony friend called to see him, he used to delight i' marchin em abaat
+th' taan to show em th' wonders, (an' ther is some wonders i' Halifax,
+ther's noa denyin that;--an' to me th' biggest wonder ov all is at th'
+taan's thear at all,) but he allusfinished off wi takkin em daan bi
+th' old church to have a luk at Beacon Hill--"Nah then," he'd say, "what
+does ta think abaat that for a hill? Th' sun has his wark to get ovver
+that i' daycent time in a mornin tha can bet!" An' if th' chap he's
+showin it too should happen to say'at 'he'd seen hills ten times as
+big,' he'd shak his heead an' say--"Awve heeard fowk tawk like that
+befoor; but it's th' biggest hill awve ivver seen, an' it'll be time
+enuff for me to believe ther's a bigger when aw find one; but inasmich
+as he's nivver been monny yards away throo hooam he believes'at Beacon
+hill is th' biggest hill yet."
+
+Peter propooased nah at we should have a carriage as it ud help us to
+see a varry deeal moor nor we should be able to do, if we depended o'
+shanks gallowy, soa we agreed, an' wor sooin seeated be-hund a pair o'
+spankin greys--"Cannot yo drive us to some brewery?" sed Billy, "aw mak
+nowt o' com-min here unless aw can leearn summat."
+
+"There are breweries here, plenty of them, but not the class you want
+to see, they call them Brasseries, but they are in reality places for
+drinking beer, and not for making it."
+
+"Well, neer heed, lets goa, for aw should feel shamed o' misen if awd
+to goa back hooam withaat leearnin summat abaat th' trade, an' when awm
+called on at th' next annywel vitlers dinner, to mak a speech, it'll
+nooan mak a bad start to say 'th' last time'at aw wor i' Payris &c.,'
+an' it'll mak some on em oppen ther een'at fancies coss a chap lives at
+th' moor end'at he's foorced to be a fooil. Aw wor allusov an enquirin
+turn o' mind Mr. Peter, an' ther's Sammy thear, he luks as big a cauf
+heead as yo'll meet wi in a day's march, but them at taks him for a
+fooil mak a mistak, aw should nooan ha browt him wi me on a journey like
+this if aw had'nt thowt summat abaat him."
+
+"Aw did'nt know'at tha had browt me," aw sed, "it wor me'at axd thee to
+coom if aw ammot mich mistakken.",
+
+"Awm nooan baan to fratch abaat it mun, if tha says a thing tha'll stick
+to it aw know that, an' if ther's ony credit tha'll awther have it or
+swelt--but aw wonder whear tha'd ha been if it had'nt been for me--tha'd
+ha been lockt up for riteous conduct ith' street Mr. Peter knows that;
+by th' heart! but this is a queer lukkin neighborhooid yo're takken us
+into--Aw dooant like th' luk o' some o' theas fowk--aw nivver saw sich
+a cutthroit lukkin lot i' mi life! Awm nooan soa varry particular abaat
+gooin to see th' breweries; if yo think ther's ony danger, let's goa
+back;--net at it matters for me for awm a single chap, but Sammy's left
+a wife at hooam an' its her awm thinkin on."
+
+"Thee think o' thisen an' thi mother, an' leeav Mally to me--but if
+tha'rt beginnin to duff tha'd better get aght an leeav it to Peter an'
+Sammywell! if it worn't for thi age and respect aw have for thi family
+awd pitch thi cleean aght o' th' cab! Duffin! nah Mr. Peter awl put it
+to yo do yo think its likely,'at a chap what's kept a beer-haase at th'
+moorend all th' years'at awve done, whear thers been as monny as three
+or four rows in a wick, some wicks;--tho' aw alluskept a orderly haase,
+perleece'll tell yo soa if yo ax em,--an aw've seen chaps brayin one
+another to bits ommost, an awve nivver stirred aght o' mi cheer,--nah,
+do yo think aw should be likely to duff?"
+
+"Your courage will not be called into requisition, so you need not be at
+all alarmed. This leads us to the Quartier Latin, let us get down here
+and try this."
+
+It wor commin dusk an th' lamps wor bein leeted ith' streets, but inside
+all wor a blaze wi leet. It wor a big, rayther low raam, gay wi gold
+an colours an lukken glasses, an supported with a lot o' thin pillars
+covered up hawfway wi crimson velvet--seeats covered wi th' same stuff
+went all raand th' sides an' th' floor wor covered wi little marble
+tables, an stooils wi velvet tops, an altogether, th' place lukt varry
+grand an hardly seemed suitable for th' company at wor thear, for altho'
+they didn't luk like workin men, ther wor an untidy, unweshed, unkempt
+look abaat em'at aw hadn't noaticed in ony other lot. Peter gave th'
+order an in a minit a young woman, donned up like a playacter coom wi
+three bottles o' beer, an six glasses. Shoo put em all daan an Peter
+paid, an in a twinklin th' six glasses were filled, two moor lasses
+at didn't wear sleeves i' ther gaaons, but hung em on wi two narrow
+shoulder straps, an wi skirts made that length wol yo didn't need to
+wonder whether they wore garters or not,--coom an smiled an each takkin
+a glass, popt it off at one swig, (an they held a gill,) an filled em up
+agean, (for all bottles thear hold three gills) an withaat waitin to tak
+ther breeath, sent th' second to see after th' first, wiped ther lips an
+lukt as dry as if they hadn't tasted for a month. Th' empty bottles an
+glasses wor takken away, an wi a smile an a wave o' ther hand they went
+to attend to somdy else, leeavin us to sit as long ovver awr glass
+as we'd amind. Peter said we were too sooin to see th' place at its.
+best,--which meeans at its warst,--but he tell'd us at th' customers
+wor mooastly artists an students, an theas wimmen wor dressed up i' sich
+fantastic style to draw fowk thear, an it wor ther principal duty to get
+off as mich drink as they could, an at from 12 at nooin to 1 next
+mornin they oft took more nor 100 glasses o' beer, to say nowt abaat th'
+glasses o' liquors an wines they had in between. It wor hard to believe
+it, but after watching em for abaat an haar, aw could ha believed it
+if he'd sed 200, for we wornt moor nor an haar ith place, an aw saw one
+lass, net moor nor 20 year old, drink 15 glasses o' beer, one o' coffee
+and brandy, an one wine, an when we left shoo seemed as reight as if
+shoo hadn't had aboon twopenoth. After each glass shoo ate a couple
+o' shrimps aw suppooas to mak her thirsty for th' next. Peter sed they
+seldom lasted moor nor four years, for if it didn't kill em it awther
+made em bloated an ugly or browt on some disease, but wol they lasted
+they could mak throo 200 to 400 pounds a year, an during that time they
+wor generally living wi some student or artist as his mistress, an givin
+him all shoo could get, i' return for which, as sooin as shoo could hold
+her situation noa longer, he turned her into th' street, to add one moor
+to that swarm, estimated at 30,000 women, at live i' that fair, gay and
+fashionable city called Payris, by prostitution ov th' worse sooart, an
+this 30,000 doesn't include some thaasands moor, who carry on th' same
+trade, under th' sanction an protection ov ther government. Yo'll feel
+inclined to say, "Well, Sammy, we've heeard enuff o' that,--tell us
+summat else."
+
+"Aw wish aw could tell yo summat else, an paint yo a true pictur,
+withaat havin to drag in that spectre,'at i ivvery guise o' revoltin
+ugliness, an heavenly beauty, haunts church, street, cafe, garden,
+river, and even holds its revel alike in th' perfumed chaymer,
+surrounded wi youth an innocence, an' in th' pestiferous stinkin den
+whear vice is life, and virtue all unknown. Noa wonder'at ther's a free
+exhibition at th' Morgue ivvery day, an "One more unfortunate" sleepin
+her long last sleep on that drippin stooan, all unconscious ov th'
+curious crowd at see in her limp limbs, an distorted face nowt moor nor
+a spectacle provided bi a thowtful government for their entertainment,
+but fail to leearn th' lesson'at it owt to taich."
+
+France has her warriors,--her statesmen, an' her poets! Has'nt shoo one
+man, with a voice at can ring throo her fair cities--her vineyards, an'
+her lovely hamlets; at will raise it to rid her o' th' biggest curse
+under which a nation can grooan. Shoo's safer wi a thaasand invadin
+armies hemmin her raand, nor wi that enemy gnawin away at th' vitals ov
+her heart.
+
+When we left th' brewery we had a drive up an' daan th' principal
+boulevards, an' it wor a treeat an' noa mistak. Th' mooin wor as breet
+varry near as a sun, an' th' gas lamps lukt to burn wi a yallo blaze
+at shed noa leet. Th' trees sparkled as they shook ther leaves an' th'
+buildins stood aght agean th' breet blue sky as if they'd been cut aght
+o' cleean card-booard. Men sauntered along puffin ther cigerettes, or
+set ith' front o' one o' th' cafes, en-joyin th' luxary o' havin nowt
+to do, an' knowin ha to do it. It wodn't interest yo to tell yo whear we
+went; for yo'at nivver wor thear ud be noa wiser an' yo at have been can
+tell for yorsen. It wor a long drive, an' we stopt at last at th' Arc
+de Triomphe de L'Etoile an' aw should think ther isnt sich another seet
+ith' world. Payris appears to lay at yor feet, an' strings o' gas leets
+mark aght ivvery principal street. Billy could'nt find words to express
+hissen, all he could get off wor, "E'e, gow! Sammy! E'e gow! By gum mun!
+A'a mun!"
+
+It wor one o' them things whear yo could'nt help onybody: Aw did
+think'at Billy wor a bigger fooil nor me, but awm foorced to own'at he
+could describe it just as weel as me, for aw kept tryin to remember what
+awd leearnd aght o' th' bookshunary soas aw could say summat, but it wor
+noa use, aw could nobbut stare an' ax misen, in a whisper, whether aw
+wor i' this world or th' next.
+
+Payris wor asleep. That rattle an' clang'at had caused a hum to flooat
+ovver th' city wor silent.--Aw lost misen i' thowt:--aw didnt see a
+city;--aw saw a wood, an' mi fancy tuk me throo it; all th' singin birds
+had dropt ther songs an' wor nestlin' i' ther cosy hooams, but ther
+still wor some lukkin aght for what they could catch--owls,--human
+owls,--wor nobbut makkin a start. Aw've oft seen th' owl stuck up as a
+symbol o' wisdom, but aw could nivver understand it: an' aw should be
+thankful if one o' them cliver chaps'at know soa mich wod kindly point
+aght to me whear th' sense is, i' sittin an' blinkin all th' day, when
+th' sun is makkin ivverything lovely, an' turnin aght at neet when all
+is dark an' solemn, to drop onto some timid little maase at wod ha been
+aght i' th' daytime if it dar. Noa,--aw nawther see wisdom nor principle
+ith' owl. Gie me a lark'at shaks his wings as sooin as th' sun sends
+aght his furst pale ray as an agent i' advance to tell th' world he's
+gooin to show agean, an' starts towards heaven whear he hings, a dot
+agean a dull blue dome, an' pours his melody on an awakenin eearth,
+cheerin the sad an' addin' joy to them whose cup wor full exceptin for
+those drops ov harmony.
+
+Ther's summat at feels heavy o' yor heart when a gurt, bustlin city is
+asleep,--when th' solitary cab rattles wi a peevish din along a silent
+street--an' th' quiet steady traid o' th' watchman saands like th'
+pulse-beeat ov a district lapt i' sleep. We made it up'at we wod have a
+nod neet aght an' see th' dark side as weel as th' breet. If awd been a
+praiche'r aw could ha fun plenty o' subjects for a sarmon as we wandered
+raand. Ommost all th' places wor shut up and nubdy seemed to be abaat.
+
+As we slowly trampt along, nah an' then a--(what-do-yo-call-em, we call
+em Bobbies i' England,) passed us, or we passed him, but Peter sed a
+word or two an' we wornt interfered wi. We coom anent one grand place
+whear th' winders wor blazin wi leet an' we went in. It wor another o'
+them grand shops sich as we'd seen soa monny on, but all along one side
+wor little raams screened off, an' they called em _Cabinet particulier_
+an' we went into one;--ther's noa mistak abaat th' luxury an' beauty
+o' theas little places, but it doesnt tak th' e'e ov a hawk to see even
+moor in one nor they'd wish aghtsiders to believe. We had'nt been long
+an' th' waiter wor nobbut bringin us th' furst cup o' coffee when in
+coom two wimmen, (aw call em wimmen becoss they wor ith' shape on em,)
+but Peter gave em to understand'at we did'nt want to add to th' number
+o' th' compny.
+
+We had a rest an' a smook an' then we started aght agean, we had'nt
+walked monny yards befoor we coom to another spot'oth' same sooart, an'
+we sat daan o' th' opposite side o' th' rooad to luk at what wor gooin
+on. Th' winders wor oppen an' th' leets wor up at full, an' th' saand
+o' what aw suppooas they meant for mewsic, coom aght o' th' oppen
+shutters--ther wor a rustlin ov a silk dress an' a grand lukkin lass
+fit for a duchess coom up to th' door, but th' chap at wor standin thear
+shoved her away as if shoo'd been a beggar--shoo stood for a minit or
+two lukkin up at whear th' saand coom throo an' then shoo walked away
+wipin her een wi her pocket hankerchy an' vanished. Aw felt as if aw
+could ha liked to goa an' try to comfort her a bit, an aw ommost felt
+sooary at Mally wornt thear, for aw know shoo can set onybody reight if
+onybody can, but Peter sed it wod be noa use for shoo wor varry likely
+lukkin for him who had promised to meet her an' had disappointed
+her--Just then a lad coom past sellin papers an' Peter bowt one; (Billy
+wod ha bowt one, but after lukkin at it he declared at th' fowk'at had
+printed it did'nt know ha to spell) an' after a bit he sed, (aw meean
+Peter,) "This is a sad case but only one of many such."
+
+"What is it? aw says.
+
+"Only an account of the finding of a body in the river to-day. A young
+and beautiful girl who ran away from home leaving parents, sisters,
+brothers and a lover and came to Paris, was admired, feted, courted and
+betrayed, and in the midst of her gaiety and dissipation was confronted
+by the honest-hearted suiter for her hand who had followed her, and
+remorse having mastered her infatuation, and despair overwhelmed her
+hopes she put an end to herself. Her body has been claimed by her
+friends;--it was at the Morgue to-day. It is almost an everyday story,
+but it is only an individual case of reaping the whirlwind when the seed
+has been so plentifully sown.
+
+"Nature! impartial goddess!--never forgets her duties," sed Peter,
+braikin off throo what he'd been sayin, an' aw could'nt help thinkin ha
+mich beauty a chap loises, and what joys he misses wi liggin i' bed ov
+a neet--Reight enuff a chap cannot be up booath day an' neet, but its
+worth while for ony body to sacrifice a bit o' sleep nah an' then for
+th' sake o' seein what th' world luks like when its wakkenin. Th' sun
+wornt fairly up but yet it wor growin leet, an' we made another move;
+Billy an' me booath lukkin a bit solid owin to th' accaant he'd gien
+us aght o' th' paper, an' Billy says, "Lets goa back hooam; awm sick o'
+seein an' hearin soa mich abaat what owt'nt to be."
+
+"Remember, Billy," aw says, "we munnot judge too hastily, becoss it's
+just likely'at luck may ha led us to see th! warst pairt an' th' better
+pairt is to come--Nivver let us condemn ony country or ony city--for
+what we may see in an' haar or two, for th' best fruit tree ith' world
+may have a rotten en on sometimes. But what's that row o' fowk abaat?
+They luk a queer lot! What does ta mak on em, Peter?"
+
+"They are waiting for the superintendant who will be here shortly, but
+with their advent subsides another class that belong particularly to
+Paris; the rag pickers; we have not met them to-night for the streets we
+have been in are not those likely to yield them a harvest, but whilst we
+wait here I may as well tell you a few facts which I have gleaned since
+my arrival in the country. There is one wending his way homewards with a
+basket weighty with his gatherings of the night--let us speak to him,
+a few sous will amply repay him for his trouble and any time he may
+loose." Soa he stopt him an' he emptied his hamper, an' sich a lot
+o' stuff aw nivver saw befoor--aw dooant believe'at thers a beggar i'
+Yorksher'at ud bend his back to pick sich rubbish up.--Bits o' rooap,
+paper, cabbage leeavs, cigarettes, cigar stumps, booans, rags, crusts o'
+breead, an' some things'at aw should fancy ther wornt onybody but him'at
+had gethered em could give em a name. Billy's heart wor inclined to
+oppen--nay, it did oppen, an' he gave him a franc, an' when he gate it,
+th' tears rushed into his een an' altho' he wor a Frenchman his tongue
+wor useless for his heart wor soa heigh up in his throit'at he could'nt
+spaik, an' Billy lifted his fist an' sed, (but in a voice at wor varry
+shaky to say it belanged to Billy,) "Tak thi hook! if tha doesnt awl
+punce thi!" an' for th' next three minits he did nowt but blow his nooas
+an' complain abaat havin getten some dust in his e'e--A'a! he's nooan
+all guts isnt Billy! Aw believe after all'at he could'nt hold that heart
+o' his unless it wor in a big carcass.
+
+We went then to see all this lot o' fowk at wor waitin for th'
+superintendant. They wor th' street sweepers, an' they wor just same as
+solgers, an' as th' word o' command wor gien they went off i' pairties
+o' four, an' started o' sweepin th' streets an' makkin all cleean an'
+tidy for them at had nobbut just gooan to bed, soas they could get up
+ith' mornin an' find th' city as trim an' tidy as they'd ivver seen it,
+an' nowt left for th' day-leet to show ov what had been done under th'
+gas-leet. Did yo ivver see a woman on a stage, donned up i' muslin,
+silver lace an' spangles, wi a painted face, her e'en made breet wi
+brandy,--her e'e-broos black wi charcoil or indyink,--her hands covered
+wi white kid gloves, an' her feet pinched into tiny slippers,--wol her
+legs wor padded to luk like what its just possible they may ha been
+once, an' covered wi silk stockins, an' nawther moor nor less nor an'
+angel withaat wings?--an' did yo ivver see th' same woman next mornin,
+when shoo's getten up aght o' bed an' left all her false ringlets o' th'
+dresser (if shoo has one,) when her paint is rubb'd off her cheeks,
+her red hands, hoofed an' scarred uncovered,--her ee'n heavy
+an' bleared,--her feet shoved into th' wrecks of a pair o' men's
+booits,--an' wi a thyble in her hand, an' a bit o' mail in a paper bag,
+as shoo gooas to wark to male a bit o' porrige for two or three squallin
+childer'at nivver knew ther father? If soa yo must ha been struck wi th'
+difference.
+
+Well, thers just that much difference between what Payris is on th'
+surface an' what it is when yo goa below.
+
+We went along an' Peter sed he'd like to show us ha fowk i' Payris lived
+an' give us an inseet into things at if they did us noa other gooid mud
+happen taich us economy, an' prove at it wornt allusthem fowk'at had
+th' mooast brass an' made th' mooast ov a spreead' at lived best.
+
+"There's nothing thrown away in Paris," sed Peter, "excepting human
+life. The rag-picker with his basket and his crook is one of the most
+important personages in the city. The stumps of cigars and cigarettes
+are what form the snuff of the most fastidious men who indulge in the
+habit--the scraps of old paper are all utilised and every bit of rag
+is converted to good use--the garbage, consisting of outside leaves of
+cabbages, turnip tops and even rotten fruit serve as ingredients for
+soups sold in the inferior restaurants; but the bread perhaps is most
+remarkable,--private families and boarding houses throw out crusts which
+are merely stale; cafes have plenty of broken crusts and soiled bits,
+but although it is cast into the street it is all carefully collected
+and preserved and the very refuse which is cast into the street from the
+sumptuously furnished tables of aristocratic salons on the Rue de Rivoli
+will not unlikely reappear in another form on the same tables and be
+appreciated. Crusts of stale bread are collected by inferior bakers
+and are soaked and rebaked and served again as new bread in cheap
+restaurants, the small broken pieces are carefully collected and cut up
+into small dice and after undergoing some secret process are converted
+into those appetizing toasted chips which give such a relish to
+soup--but there is another class, much more objectionable, at least to
+our ideas,--the soiled and dirty scraps such as were to be found amongst
+the rubbish of the rag-picker's basket, are seldom or ever given to
+poultry or pigs as you would imagine, but undergo a process of cleaning
+and are then dried, pounded into crumbs and burnt upon greased
+tins until they become a rich brown, and of this bread dust, every
+restaurant, from the one where the members of the senate meet, to the
+one whose customers regard a dish of meat as an exceptional treat, keep
+a stock; your cutlet is made to look beautiful with it--ham, fowls, or
+baked meats all owe more or less of their attractiveness to the same
+source. This is no secret here, and just so long as the dish set before
+them is pleasing to the eye, and pleasant to the taste, they ask no
+questions nor trouble themselves to wonder of what it is composed. There
+is scarcely any part of any animal--ox, horse, dog, cat, sheep, goat,
+sparrow or frog that is not utilized and made to furnish savoury morsels
+for one class or other--the better portions of a beast naturally find
+their way to that portion of the city where money is most plentiful,
+but I do not think it is too much to say that had the English people
+the same knowledge that the French possess in culinary matters, that
+the quantity of meat and vegetable that is daily wasted at home would
+furnish food, both toothsome and wholesome, enough for every starving
+creature within its shores.
+
+"Well, it may seem all reight to thee tha knows, to mak thi belly into
+a muck-middin, but for mi own pairt awd rayther have a rasher o' gooid
+hooam fed bacon an' a couple o' boiled eggs to mi braik-fast nor th'
+grandest lukkin dish o' chopt up offal tha could set befoor me, an' aw
+fancy Sammy's o' th' same opinion."
+
+"Aw must say, Billy,'at aw had rayther sit daan to a bit o' summat
+gradely, an' as a rule aw like to know what it is awm aitin, yet it's
+happen nobbut th' result o' ignorance, an' we turn up us nooas at things
+simply becoss we've been towt noa better; but aw could do wi a bit ov a
+snack if aw had it,--what says ta Billy?"
+
+"A bit ov a snack ud be noa use to me--aw could just do a quairt o'
+porrige an' milk to start wi, but awst be ommost tarrified aght o' mi
+wit o' touchin' owt nah. If we'd had ony sense we should ha browt summat
+wi us, an' aw should ha done but aw thowt aw wor commin wi a cliver
+chap'at knew summat, but aw find awve been mistaen."
+
+"Eeah an' ther's somdy else been mistaen as weel as thee, for if awd
+known what a chuffin heead tha'd ha turned aght aw wod'nt ha been paid
+to come."
+
+"Why dooant freeat Sammy, for it isnt variy likely 'at tha'll ivver be
+troubled wi onybody offerin to pay thee for owt unless it wor for keepin
+thi maath shut, an' if they'd start a subscription for that awd gie th'
+price ov a pint towards it misen."
+
+Th' shops wor all oppenin nah, an' Peter tuk us into a place an'
+ordered braikfast, but altho' we wor ommost clammd, we booath felt a bit
+suspicious abaat what we should have set befoor us to ait; but when it
+coom in an' we saw a dish full o' ham steaks wi' fried eggs laid all
+raand em an' a looaf a breead abaat a yard long, an' cups o' coffee'at
+sent a smell like a garden o' pooaseys all throo th' place, all fear
+o' bein awther impooased on or pooisened left us, an' ther wornt a word
+spokken bi ony on us until Billy threw daan his knife an' fork an' sed,
+"Thear!"
+
+We finished ommost as sooin as him an' Peter settled th' bill, an' as we
+walked aght we felt like men new made ovver agean, but we wor varry glad
+to get into a cab an' leet a cigar an' enjoy th' beautiful drive to us
+own lodgins. We went a long raand abaat way but it wor ommost all throo
+gardens or under trees, here an' thear we went throo a
+
+Square an' stopt a minit to luk at a faantain, a moniment, or a
+wonderful buildin, or went a short distance along th' river's bank or
+made a cut throo a street, an' we'd noa time to do owt but admire all
+we saw, whether it wor natural or artificial an' th' impressions o' th'
+neet befoor seemed like ugly fancies at th' mornins flood o' beauty an'
+gaiety wor quickly sweepin away--Aw could'nt help but repeat,=
+
+```"One little favour, O, 'Imperial France!
+
+```Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance,
+
+```Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam,
+
+```But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home."=
+
+To say we'd been up all th' neet we did'nt feel varry weary nor sleepy
+an' after a gooid wesh an' a brush up we felt noa desire to goa to bed
+soa we sat daan at one o' th' little tables aghtside an called for
+a bottle o' Bordeaux, (we'd getten reight to like it) an' we tipt us
+cheers back, yankee fashion, an' amused ussen wi watchin fowk goa past.
+We sooin discovered at a cheap trip had just come in, an' as they went
+past wi ther boxes an' carpet bags Billy lained ovver to me an' he says,
+"What gawky chaps English fowk luk when they land here at furst; why, aw
+feel soa different sin aw coom to live i' Payris wol awm feeard they'll
+tak me for a born Frenchman when aw get back hooam."
+
+"Tha's noa need," aw says, "they may tak thi to be a born summat at
+begins wi a F, but it will'nt be Frenchman!"
+
+Peter had to leeav us nah, we wor varry sooary to pairt wi him, but he
+sed his business wod'nt allaa him to stop ony longer, soa we shook hands
+wi him an' thanked him for all his kindness, an' as he turned away he
+sed, "And be sure you remember me kindly to Mally."
+
+This rayther knockt th' wind aght on me, an' Billy says, "Nah lad thart
+in for't, an' sarve thi reight! yond chap'll write off to yor Mally, an'
+tell her o' thi gooins on an' then tha'll get thi heead cooamd wi summat
+tha weeant like when tha gets hooam! Aw wod'nt be i' thy shoes for a
+trifle!"
+
+"Well, if thers been owt wrang tha's been as deep ith' muck as aw've
+been ith' mire, soa tha can shut up!"
+
+"Has ta ivver answered that letter shoo sent thi?"
+
+"Noa, aw've nivver had a chonce but aw will do reight away an' then
+that'll happen ease her mind a bit, an' aw wod'nt cause a minit o'
+bother, if aw could help it for all aw can see."
+
+"It's a pity tha doesnt try to mak her believe it."
+
+"Aw do try, an' aw allusdid!"
+
+"Eeah, aw meean its a pity tha art'nt moor successful."
+
+"Thee mind thi own business, an' leeav me to mind mine!"
+
+Aw felt it wor a waste o' time to tawk ony moor to him, soa aw left him
+to sit bi hissen wol aw went to write a letter to Mally. Aw did'nt goa
+wi a varry leet heart, net at aw cared owt abaat th' trubble, but aw wor
+fast what to say. To write th' plain trewth aw knew wod'nt do, an' to
+write what worn't true wor a thing aw wod'nt do, an' aw sat some time
+studdyin befoor aw made a start.
+
+[Illustration: 0106]
+
+[Illustration: 0107]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII. SHO ACTIN'.
+
+[Illustration: 9107]
+
+WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
+withaat rhyme or reason--If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll nivver
+care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.=
+
+```Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
+
+```Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
+
+```It fun me weel as when aw started,
+
+```Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
+
+```Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
+
+```But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
+
+```Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
+
+```As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
+
+```Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
+
+```Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
+
+```Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
+
+```An' hand him safe back to his mother.=
+
+```Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
+
+```His stummack's mendin varry fast;
+
+```An' ale!--its true lass what aw say,
+
+```He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
+
+```He nivver has a bilious baat,
+
+```Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
+
+```Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
+
+```An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
+
+```We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
+
+```Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
+
+```To find thi weel will mak me fain;
+
+```Till then, believe me to remain,
+
+```As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
+
+```Thy faithful husband Sammywell.=
+
+Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study
+it ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor
+wi letter writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a
+stamp an' sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw
+fan him hard asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat
+o' th' side o' th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight
+but th' seet o' mi umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor
+an' who wor anent him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor
+ommost droppin off!"
+
+"Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
+mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
+
+"Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want
+to disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long.
+If awm spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as
+aw havnt had lately--start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then
+tha'll be happy."
+
+I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
+abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
+we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
+nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
+ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
+booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
+cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich
+like stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at
+hooam we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha
+thowt we wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band
+o' music strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a
+circus,--an' they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English
+soa we thowt it ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should
+be able to see th' difference between an' English show an' a French
+en. We wor just gooin in when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed
+summat, but aw shook mi heead--"Anglish?" he sed.
+
+"English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
+
+"O, well, I can speek Anglish--the Anglish peeples have been var goot
+to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
+ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for
+hafe--only two franc de one, four franc de two."
+
+"What are we to do Billy?"
+
+"Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
+
+Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
+in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
+plees gentlemons."
+
+"Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
+quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
+sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
+bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
+leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets
+but he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
+could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
+whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
+
+"Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th'
+chap flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me
+walked in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for
+owt aw could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th'
+best seeat he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two
+together in a row wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor
+teed raand th' middle o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an'
+aw set waitin for th' rumpus. In a bit a dapper little chap comes an'
+touches Billy o' th' shoolder an' mooationed him to follow, but he mud
+as well ha tried to coax one o' th' pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver
+stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith' ring at wor playin antics wi a
+long powl. After a while th' same chap comes back wi other two, one on
+em dressed up like a malishyman ith' awkard squad, an' he touched Billy,
+but net just as gently as tother had done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa
+this chap shoves past me an' seizes him bi th' collar, (which to say th'
+leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to do until he'd calkilated th' weight
+o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a
+summerset into th' middle o' th' ring. This wor a performance'at they'd
+nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th'
+powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as capt as ony o' tothers. Billy
+stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for th' next. Aw dooant know who
+th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw could'nt help feelin a bit praad
+o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into years aw grun mi teeth an' felt
+detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit o' th' umberel ud hing
+together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt forsaken us for one o' th'
+actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid luk at his face aw
+knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi Pinder's circus i'
+Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard he'd braik his
+middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its that'at they
+sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an' aw tell'd
+him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then he sed
+'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all was
+over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
+know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then,
+but ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor
+booath pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L------t wor as gooid as his
+word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
+us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old
+ens'at had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed
+th' programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for
+a theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some
+refreshments an' then Herr L----l left us an' we set off agean i' search
+o' adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see
+what it wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if
+yo daat, as some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor
+friends'at's been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic"
+correspondent says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same
+fashion'at Adam an' Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It
+wor moor nor life size an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th'
+artist had taen gooid care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It
+wor surraanded wi dumb-bells, indian clubs, an' different gymnastic
+implements, an' aw wor informed after'at it wor an advertisement for a
+taicher o' gymnastics an wor intended to show ha a woman's form could
+be developed wi folloin his advice an' takkin lessons off him--"But," aw
+sed, "dooant yo think its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a
+public street whear men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
+
+"Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
+people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights
+of Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
+others."
+
+"Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this
+aw will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be
+their hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites
+an' to breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap
+at tried to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his
+brazen sin an wickedness i' yor face!"
+
+It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip
+a drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
+mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
+takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as
+if pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As
+we'd been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time
+so as to be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark
+an' narrow street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th'
+top--fowk wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght
+to be a sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went
+in, an' it reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam.
+It wor pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho'
+some o' th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit.
+Th' band played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save
+the Queen," as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd
+ivver known it to have befoor--Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith'
+furst place ther wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical
+nor a penny trumpet, an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther
+faces an' stuck ther hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like
+tryin to play th' fooil an' had'nt lent ha--One woman,--a strapper shoo
+wor too--wi a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet--coom
+on drest to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo
+shaated an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat,
+an' altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an'
+yell an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther
+heeads, (if sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a
+hullaballoo wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough
+soa we pyked aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid
+one another 'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it
+ud be Sundy ith' mornin.
+
+[Illustration: 0115]
+
+[Illustration: 0116]
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII. DIMANCHE.
+
+[Illustration: 9116]
+
+VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony
+other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
+nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
+an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
+whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may
+nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
+time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
+rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up
+pleasant memories an' fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
+while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
+Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
+him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
+his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th' furst time
+sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid mornin', he called me
+Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw
+wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if it's a day like this mi
+mother'll be run off her feet;--shoo should tak between four an' five
+paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese an' breead an' cold beef;
+but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be able to mak it up next
+wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know whear aw am, an' they'll
+be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha aw've getten on. What are
+we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha thowt'at he'd th' same
+sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur they say, soa aw made
+noa moor remark abaat it.
+
+"Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they
+tell me they are beautiful places."
+
+"Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs
+feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up!
+They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to
+church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."
+
+"They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt
+they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to
+loise this grand mornin'."
+
+When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor
+usual--th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed
+an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an'
+nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th'
+lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him
+which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't
+know for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said
+abaat Pere la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride
+thear for we should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do
+yo expect to land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa
+yo'll know."
+
+"Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay
+soas if we should be lat we can get in?"
+
+"We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo
+have th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo
+like, an' awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."
+
+We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay
+i' mi pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin'
+along. It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up!
+we'd gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom
+or ivver been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor
+surprised to see what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth
+nooatice. Awd nivver enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary
+when we gate to th' entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when
+aw tell yo'at we wor content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear
+yo may be sewer ther wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an'
+th' monuments wor th' leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks
+under th' trees an' between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set
+like brilliant gems ith' midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi
+thowts back to what awd seen at th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't
+to compare one wi' t'other but to contrast'em, for this wor as mich
+superior to that as that had been to owt awd seen befoor.
+
+"What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"
+
+"Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw
+ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."
+
+They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor
+hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars
+strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no
+trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay
+ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin
+an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor
+dressed in the "habiliments of woe"--fashion an' show,--nowt else!=
+
+``"What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,
+
+``Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;
+
+``Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;
+
+``Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;
+
+``Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,
+
+``And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!
+
+``More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,
+
+``She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;
+
+``Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,
+
+``And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."=
+
+Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be
+movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol
+we'd been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to
+Champs Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we
+wor set daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have
+a chonce to see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor
+fairly filled wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs
+an' carriages wor ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to
+be wondered at on sich a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for
+a ride or walk; an' it made up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed
+befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast
+on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th' busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor
+noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had getten throo ther religious
+nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had time to: goa back hooam an'
+leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght o' ther pockets as they
+sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards an' laffin' an'
+smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight or wrang, but
+it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy."
+
+Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor
+nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did
+see for th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o'
+Christianity'at characterizes it.
+
+We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait,
+bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that
+is awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan
+a bad pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin'
+raand rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor
+when he tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When
+we'd squared up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little
+table'at wor as far removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin'
+ith' front, an' one'at wor grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we
+ordered brandy an' watter an' cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th'
+richness an' th' beauties ov an evenin' sich as it mud be a long time
+befoor we should have th' chonce ov enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree
+has it's advantages, but ther's allusa drawback to all pleasures i'
+this life. Th' French fowk as a nation are varry perlite, but they
+dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to th' same pitch, an' aw
+suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i' Payris or i' Pudsey;
+at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw saw ther'd been an
+addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me to teem it daan
+th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi my mishap an'
+he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly didn't want
+it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend summat.
+Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an' then it
+faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an' th' day
+went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor sooin
+aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom smilin'
+up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into fairyland.
+"We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."
+
+"Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov
+a neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond
+haase o' mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i'
+November."
+
+"Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"
+
+"Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o'
+this peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak
+a sealin' wax stamp on."
+
+We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa
+cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a
+raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just
+as fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i'
+Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak
+a short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept
+walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin'
+hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.
+
+"It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt
+aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest
+if aw can tell whear we are."
+
+"It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's
+soa sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find
+aght'at we're two or three mile off hooam."
+
+"We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony
+better nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst
+comes to th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor--get a
+cab."
+
+"If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan
+be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."
+
+Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed
+another word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a
+poleeceman to see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece
+are th' same all th' world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're
+wanted. Aw felt sewer we should meet with a cab or summat, but th'
+streets seemed as if ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a
+long time befoor aw forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan
+but aw couldn't see a thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an
+that couldn't help me ony; th' clock struck twelve--Billy gave a sigh
+but sed nowt--all at once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th'
+causey an aw stopt. It wor a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off
+somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an' shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her
+understand what we wanted but shoo could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin
+as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to coax us to goa her way unless we'd
+been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed away an' left us. It wor a fit
+o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold o' Billy's arm an' march daan
+a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o' gooid luck as it happened, for
+at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river. Aw lukt to see which way th'
+watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi' hooaps we set off agean. We
+didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we met plenty o' poleece, but
+noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom to owt we knew, but
+at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat two miles to walk
+then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray--but aw mun gie
+Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a bit,
+although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we
+expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver
+been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as
+ther wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we
+could see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw
+put th' kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome
+seet it wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at
+that time o' th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned
+th' leet up, an' thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther
+wor fish an' a joint o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice
+butter an' breead, an' two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret;
+an' th' raam wor a deeal nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius
+been used to havin' us meals in. "This is a change for th' better," aw
+sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat this be-foor."
+
+"It's all ov a piece is thy wark,--tha allusfinds ivverything aght when
+it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as ivver
+we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin' ussen
+in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do justice
+to it to neet, soa let's start."
+
+He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor
+he touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an'
+aw can't say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin
+disappeared, an' th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav
+a drop o' ale nor claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook
+befoor we went to bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what
+time it wor, he saw it wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to
+oppen th' door'at led into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for
+aw knew ther wor a clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop
+sharper nor aw went in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be
+put i'th' hoil for this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"
+
+"Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off
+th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot--he didn't limp then, awl
+awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him in
+a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw
+lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then
+aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed
+befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th'
+door an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop
+this time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th'
+door an' turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an'
+befoor yo could ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we
+wor booath wide enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard
+two wimmin skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan
+th' Street, an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at,
+we'd a varry gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at
+we should ha gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we
+thowt'at it wor awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't
+sleep we could snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th'
+maister coom an' knockt gently at furst one door an' then t'other an'
+heeard th' music'at we wor makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did,
+an' couldn't find in his heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor
+aghtside we could nobbut guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor
+all wor quietened daan; then we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock
+when Billy coom to my door to wakken me. He shoved his heead in an'
+says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"
+
+"What's up?".
+
+"Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"
+
+"Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat
+it!"
+
+"No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom
+as sooin as tha'rt ready."
+
+Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit--aw
+saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him
+prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.
+
+
+
+[Illustration: 0128]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX. LUNDI.
+
+[Illustration: 9128]
+
+HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts
+o' guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor
+sed, nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry
+hard at us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we
+knew moor abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen
+be all fancy, for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In
+a while we wor left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th'
+best use o' th' few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to
+goa hooam that neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome
+change, for it made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite
+lively an' he says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
+
+"Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o'
+th' mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
+
+"Sewers! what sewers?"
+
+"Th' drains;--yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith' drains,
+an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled on
+th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.--What
+says ta?"
+
+"Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen
+nor be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent
+me up to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a
+foreign land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin
+into th' bowels o' th' eearth."
+
+"Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just
+one o' them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a
+scientific turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity
+suits me; an' if tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear
+aw can find thi at a sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi
+whear tha likes."
+
+"Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all
+thy science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant
+like to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins,
+but aw must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
+poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
+withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what
+maks it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to
+say at aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat
+science as long as tha lives!"
+
+"Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it
+wor a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but
+if tha thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but
+weft an' warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest
+chaps aw ivver met wor wayvers."
+
+"Varry likely,--becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em, but
+if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
+met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
+abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom,
+it can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but
+mine's different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin
+abaat science tha shows thi fooilishness;--net at aw meean to say tha'rt
+a fooil,--nowt o' th' sooart,--but aw think tha owt to be thankful to
+know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
+
+"Billy,--if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can tawk
+to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
+thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
+stop as thas a mind."
+
+"Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
+ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
+fittest place for thi--mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
+
+"Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas,
+but awm willin' to risk it."
+
+"Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
+
+"They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight
+i' thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
+
+"If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
+
+We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to
+goa, for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we
+wor driven off.
+
+Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo
+a main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is
+strange--th' carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's
+noa engins, but ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along
+varrv nicely--its like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut
+ther's a river runnin along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net
+a varry nice en--but awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an'
+as black. It wor leeted i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi
+lamps an' th' names o' th' streets at yo wor passin under wor put up,
+an' nah an' then yo passed a boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked
+wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed he thowt they made a mistak to charge
+fowk for gooin in, it ud be better to charge em for comin aght, an'
+aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once, for i' spite o' all ther
+ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw should'nt care to have
+aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome when we gate into em
+agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but admit'at ther wor
+seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd been booath gooid
+
+Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
+but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf
+a franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
+else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
+duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
+thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
+Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
+all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it
+tuk us all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th'
+landlord went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay
+for his back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod
+fit his lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some
+neet and get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor
+varry wise to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on
+us glad to turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a
+place wi soa monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce
+to see; for ther's noa denyin it--Natur an' art have done all they could
+to mak it th' finest city ith' world--It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty
+o' Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate
+luk o' Dublin--nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o'
+th' American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor
+perfect nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris
+to Calais an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an'
+we lost noa time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th'
+difference between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt
+tell for all seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off,
+an' th' mooin peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish
+us gooid luk--th' waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's
+side, an' th' two electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two
+big een, an' marked a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th'
+neet cleared up, but it wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th'
+deck all th' time. We had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a
+smook an' luk abaat us. Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet,
+an' nowt happened worth mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white
+cliffs o' old England.
+
+It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
+awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run
+to meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi
+native land--Billy wor capt when aw struck up--=
+
+``They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
+
+````heart,
+
+```Whate'er his condition may be;
+
+``But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
+
+```And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
+
+``For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
+
+```No matter what strange countries boast;
+
+``No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
+
+```With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
+
+```Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
+
+````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
+
+```Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
+
+`````hand,
+
+````And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
+
+```And in politics fight tooth and nail;
+
+``When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
+
+```If at government's tactics we rail;
+
+``There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
+
+```Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
+
+``That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
+
+```For there's freedom where ever it flies.
+
+````Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+````Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
+
+`````unite
+
+````And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
+
+``If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
+
+```And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
+
+``Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
+
+```And his growl gives a warning to all.
+
+``They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
+
+`````roar,
+
+```And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
+
+``And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
+
+```And he's king of the world even yet!
+
+````Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
+
+`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
+
+```Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
+
+`````thee dear
+
+````Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"=
+
+We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to
+me but still it felt like hooam--aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
+lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at
+Lundun.
+
+[Illustration: 0136]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X. MARDI
+
+[Illustration: 9136]
+
+T wor seven o'clock ith' mornin when we arrived at Victoria Station--an'
+as we wanted to get ooam withaat loisin ony time we tuk a cab to
+King's Cross. It wor a breet clear mornin' an' as we rattled along th'
+streets, ivvery buildin lukt like an' old friend, an' th' same feelin'
+coom ovver me at awve soa oft felt befoor--what had passed seemed mich
+moor like a dreeam nor a reality. Aw noaticed at Billy put on some airs
+at awd nivver seen him spooart befoor, an' if aw had'nt known him aw mud
+ha mistakken him for Beaconsfield commin back after signin th' Berlin
+treaty, but then he's a deal bigger man nor Beaconsfield is Billy, an'
+if his influence isnt as big ith' city, he's weightier ith' corporation.
+But awm sewer he lukt better bi monny a paand nor when we started. When
+we gat to th' station we fan at we'd a bit o' time to spend befoor ther
+wor a train soa we went an' gate a cup o' coffee an' summat to ait.
+
+"Nah, Billy," aw sed, "aw should like to know if tha's enjoyed thi
+trip?"
+
+"Ov coprse aw've enjoyed it! Did ta think aw went to be miserable? It
+isnt oft aw set off throo hooam, but when aw do aw mak up mi mind to
+enjoy mysen. But aw dooant care ha sooin aw get back hooam nah, for awst
+ha to start brewin to-morn."
+
+"Well, tha luks a deeal better onyway,--an' awm sewer thi mother'll be
+fain to see thi soa mich improved."
+
+"Thee think abaat yor Mally an' leeav me an' mi mother to manage us own
+affairs--If aw've getten a bit better awve paid for it aw reckon!
+Tha tell'd me'at it wod'nt cost aboon ten paand an' it's cost aboon
+eleven,--Aw've enjoyed misen furst rate an' aw do feel a trifle better,
+an' awve enjoyed thy compny varry weel too, but if aw wor gooin agean
+awd goa be misen."
+
+"Tha cant get me mad this mornin soa its noa use to try, an' tha'd
+better save thi wind to blow thi porridge when tha gets hooam."
+
+"Well, that's reight enuff; tha knows what aw mean,--but aw say--wi' ta
+promise me at tha'll keep thi maath shut abaat them frogs?--Nah fair
+dealins amang mates, Sammy."
+
+"Awl promise thi one thing," aw says, "awl tell now't at isnt true, an'
+if what aw tell isnt pleasant it's becoss trewth isnt pleasant at all
+times."
+
+"Do as tha likes an' gooid luck to thi lad! Th' time's ommost up lets be
+off."
+
+We wor just i' time an' after a partin glass to start wi for fear ther
+might'nt be a chonce to get one at th' finish, we jumpt into th' train
+an' wor sooin lessenin th' distance between Lundun an' Bradford. Th'
+journey wor pleasant enuff but it seemed rayther long as it does when
+yor anxious to get to th' far end, but we landed at last, an' wod yo
+believe it? Ther wor Mally an' Hepsaba waitin at th' station for me--It
+wor a little attention at they'd nivver shown me befoor, an' aw felt
+touched,--for awm varry soft hearted.
+
+"Whativver made thi come to meet me Mally?" aw sed.
+
+"Aw coom becoss aw wor feeard tha'd happen ha started a growin a
+mushtash an' thart freet big enuff as it is, an' aw thowt awd tak thi to
+th' barbers to get made daycent befoor tha coom hooam, for tha's been a
+laffin stock for th' naybors long enuff; an aw wanted to set mi mind at
+ease abaat that umberel, for thart nooan to be trusted, an awve hardly
+been able to sleep for dreamin at tha'd lost it, but if tha had tha'd ha
+been wise nivver to show thi face here agean!"
+
+"Well, but tha sees aw havnt, an if awd had aw suppooas its mi own?"
+
+"What's thine's mine aw reckon?"
+
+"An' what made thee come to meet me Hepsaba?"
+
+"Aw coom to see what yo'd browt for us, soas aw could ha mi pick afoor
+yo'd pairted wi' th' best."
+
+"Why lass, awve browt misen an' that's all, aw should think that owt to
+satisfy thi."
+
+"If that's all yo need'nt ha gooan for we had yo befoor."
+
+Mally an' her walked off arm i' arm, takkin th' umberel wi em an nivver
+spaiking a word, but just givin a nod to Billy--"Awl tell thi what we'll
+do," sed Billy--"we'll just goa into th' taan an' ware abaat a paand a
+piece o' some sooart o' gimcracks an' we'll mak'em believe we have browt
+summat after all!"
+
+Aw thowt it wor a gooid nooation soa we went an' bowt a cap for Mally
+an' a pair a gloves for Hepsaba, an' a imitation meersham pipe for Ike,
+an' one or two moor nonsensical things, an' then we put em i' my box at
+th' station. Billy bowt a new dress piece, real French merino for his
+mother, an' then we shook hands an' pairted. My reception wornt all at
+aw could wish when aw went in hooam, but when th' box wor oppened an'
+Mally saw her cap, shoo pawsed th' cat off th' fender becoss it wor
+sittin anent me, an' as sooin as Hepsaba gate her gloves, shoo fun me a
+long pipe, an' filled it wi bacca an' gat me a leet, an' Ike sed 'he'd
+hardly been able to bide at his wark, he wor soa anxious at aw should
+land back safe;' an' he walked abaat wi' th' pipe in his maath as if awd
+browt him th' grandest thing aght o' th' Exhibition--Ther wor nowt to
+gooid for me just then, an' aw thowt at after all, Billy wornt happen
+sich a fooil as aw tewk him to be.
+
+[Illustration: 0140]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seets I' Paris, by John Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEETS I' PARIS ***
+
+***** This file should be named 45927.txt or 45927.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/9/2/45927/
+
+Produced by David Widger from page images generously
+provided by the Internet Archive
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
+  www.gutenberg.org/license.
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at 809
+North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887.  Email
+contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the
+Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit:  www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For forty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
diff --git a/old/45927.zip b/old/45927.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2951ed1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/45927.zip