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diff --git a/44129-0.txt b/44129-0.txt index bacfd8c..7e55712 100644 --- a/44129-0.txt +++ b/44129-0.txt @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 *** +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 *** FAIR HAVEN @@ -5562,5 +5562,4 @@ THE END End of Project Gutenberg's Fair Haven and Foul Strand, by August Strindberg - *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 *** diff --git a/44129-h/44129-h.htm b/44129-h/44129-h.htm index 87b82b9..e78c74e 100644 --- a/44129-h/44129-h.htm +++ b/44129-h/44129-h.htm @@ -81,9 +81,9 @@ v:link {color: #800000; text-decoration: none; } </style> </head> <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 ***</div> -<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 ***</div> @@ -5652,7 +5652,7 @@ period has learnt."</p> -<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 ***</div> +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44129 ***</div> </body> </html> diff --git a/44129.json b/44129.json deleted file mode 100644 index d9ba8c9..0000000 --- a/44129.json +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5 +0,0 @@ -{
- "DATA": {
- "CREDIT": "Produced by Marc D'Hooghe (From images generously made available by the Internet Archive.)"
- }
-}
diff --git a/old/44129-8.txt b/old/44129-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 352b7de..0000000 --- a/old/44129-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5950 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Fair Haven and Foul Strand, by August Strindberg - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Fair Haven and Foul Strand - -Author: August Strindberg - -Release Date: November 8, 2013 [EBook #44129] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - - - - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - - - - -FAIR HAVEN - -AND - -FOUL STRAND - -BY - -AUGUST STRINDBERG - -NEW YORK - -MCBRIDE, NAST & COMPANY - -MCMXIV - - - - -CONTENTS - -FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND -THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY -THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY -HERR BENGT'S WIFE - - - - -FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND - - -The quarantine doctor was a man of five-and-sixty, well-preserved, -short, slim and elastic, with a military bearing which recalled the -fact that he had served in the Army Medical Corps. From birth he -belonged to the eccentrics who feel uncomfortable in life and are never -at home in it. Born in a mining district, of well-to-do but stern -parents, he had no pleasant recollections of his childhood. His father -and mother never spoke kindly, even when there was occasion to do so, -but always harshly, with or without cause. His mother was one of those -strange characters who get angry about nothing. Her anger arose without -visible cause, so that her son sometimes thought she was not right in -her head, and sometimes that she was deaf and could not hear properly, -for occasionally her response to an act of kindness was a box on the -ears. Therefore the boy became mistrustful towards people in general, -for the only natural bond which should have united him to humanity -with tenderness, was broken, and everything in life assumed a hostile -appearance. Accordingly, though he did not show it, he was always in a -posture of defence. - -At school he had friends, but since he did not know how sincerely -he wished them well, he became submissive, and made all kinds of -concessions in order to preserve his faith in real friendship. By so -doing he let his friends encroach so much that they oppressed him and -began to tyrannise over him. When matters came to this point, he went -his own way without giving any explanations. But he soon found a new -friend with whom the same story was repeated from beginning to end. The -result was that later in life he only sought for acquaintances, and -grew accustomed to rely only upon himself. When he was confirmed, and -felt mature and responsible through being declared ecclesiastically of -age, an event happened which proved a turning-point in his life. He -came home too late for a meal and his mother received him with a shower -of blows from a stick. Without thinking, the young man raised his hand, -and gave her a box on the ear. For a moment mother and son confronted -each other, he expecting the roof to fall in or that he would be struck -dead in some miraculous way. But nothing happened. His mother went -out as though nothing had occurred, and behaved afterwards as though -nothing unusual had taken place between them. - -Later on in life when this affair recurred to his memory, he wondered -what must have passed through her mind. She had cast one look to the -ceiling as though she sought there for something--an invisible hand -perhaps, or had she resigned herself to it, because she had at last -seen that it was a well-deserved retribution, and therefore not called -him to account? It was strange, that in spite of desperate efforts to -produce pangs of conscience, he never felt any self-reproach on the -subject. It seemed to have happened without his will, and as though it -must happen. - -Nevertheless, it marked a boundary-line in his life. The cord was cut -and he fell out in life alone, away from his mother and domesticity. He -felt as though he had been born without father and mother. Both seemed -to him strangers whom he would have found it most natural to call Mr -and Mrs So-and-so. At the University he at once noticed the difference -between his lot and that of his companions. They had parents, brothers, -and sisters; there was an order and succession in their life. They had -relations to their fellow-men and obeyed secret social laws. They felt -instinctively that he did not belong to their fold. - -When as a young doctor he acted on behalf of an army medical officer -for some time, he felt at once that he was not in his proper place, and -so did the officers. The silent resistance which he offered from the -first to their imperiousness and arbitrary ways marked him out as a -dissatisfied critic, and he was left to himself. - -In the hospital it was the same. Here he perceived at once the fateful -predestination of social election, those who were called and those who -were not called. It seemed as though the authorities could discern -by scent those who were congenial to them. And so it was everywhere. -He started a practice as a ladies' doctor, but had no luck, for he -demanded straightforward answers to his questions, and those he never -received. Then he became impatient, and was considered brutal. He -became a Government sanitary officer in a remote part of the country, -and since he was now independent of his patients' favour, he troubled -himself still less about pleasing them. Presently he was transferred to -the quarantine service, and was finally stationed at Skamsund. - -When he had come here, now seventeen years ago, he at once began to -be at variance with the pilots, who, as the only authorities on the -island, indulged themselves in many acts of arbitrariness towards the -inhabitants. The quarantine doctor loved peace and quietness like other -men, but he had early learnt that warfare is necessary; and that it -is no use simply to be passive as regards one's rights, but that one -must defend them every day and every hour of the day. Since he was a -new-comer they tried to curtail his authority and deprive him of his -small privileges. The chief pilot had a prescriptive right to half -the land, but the quarantine doctor had in his bay a small promontory -where the pilots used to moor their private boats and store their -fishing implements. The doctor first ascertained his legal rights in -the matter, and when he found out that he had the sole right of using -the promontory and that the pilots could store their fishing-tackle -elsewhere, he went to the chief pilot and gave them a friendly -notice to quit. When he saw that mere politeness was of no avail, he -took stronger measures, had the place cleared and fenced off by his -servants, turned it into a garden, and erected a simple pavilion in -it. The pilots hailed petitions on the Government, but the matter was -decided in his favour. The result was a lifelong enmity between him and -the pilots. The quarantine doctor was shut in on his promontory and -himself placed in quarantine. There he had now remained for seventeen -years, but not in peace, for there was always strife. Either his dog -fought with the pilots' dog, or their fowls came into his garden, or -they ran their boats ashore on each other's ground. Thus he was kept in -a continual state of anger and excitement, and even if there ever was -quiet for a moment outside the house, inside there was the housekeeper. -They had quarrelled for seventeen years, and once every week she had -packed her things in order to go. She was a tyrant and insisted that -her master should have sugar in all his sauces, even with fresh cod. -During all the seventeen years she had not learnt how to boil an egg -but wished the doctor to learn to eat half-raw eggs, which he hated. -Sometimes he got tired of quarrelling, and then everything went on in -Kristin's old way. He would eat raw potatoes, stale bread, sour cream -and such-like for a whole week and admire himself as a Socrates; then -his self-respect awoke and he began to storm again. He had to storm -in order to get the salt-cellar placed on the table, to get the doors -shut, to get the lamps filled with oil. The lamp-chimneys and wicks he -had to clean himself, for that she could not learn. - -"You are a cow, Kristin! You are a wretch who cannot value kindness. -Do you like me to storm? Do you know that I abominate myself when I -am obliged to get so excited. You make me bad, and you are a poisonous -worm. I wish you had never been born, and lay in the depths of the -earth. You are not a human being for you cannot learn; you are a cow, -that you are! You will go? Yes, go to the deuce, where you came from!" - -But Kristin never went. Once indeed she got as far as the steamer -bridge, but turned round and entered the wood, whence the doctor had to -fetch her home. - -The doctor's only acquaintance was the postmaster at Fagervik, an old -comrade of his student days, who came over every Saturday evening. -Then the two drank and gossiped till past midnight and the postmaster -remained till Sunday morning. They certainly did not look at life and -their fellow-men from the same point of view, for the postmaster was -a decided member of the Left Party, and the doctor was a sceptic, but -their talk suited each other so well, that their conversation was like -a part-song, or piece of music, for two voices, in which the voices, -although varying, yet formed a harmony. The doctor, with his wider, -mental outlook, sometimes expressed disapproval of his companion's -sentiments somewhat as follows: - -"You party-men are like one-eyed cats. Some see only with the -left eye, others with the right, and therefore you can never see -stereoscopically, but always flat and one-sidedly." - -They were both great newspaper readers and followed the course of all -questions with eagerness. The most burning question, however, was the -religious one, for the political ones were settled by votes in the -Reichstag and came to an end, but the religious questions never ended. -The postmaster hated pietists and temperance advocates. - -"Why the deuce do you hate the pietists?" the doctor would say. "What -harm have they done you? Let them enjoy themselves; it doesn't affect -me." - -"They are all hypocrites," said the postmaster dogmatically. - -"No," answered the doctor, "you cannot judge, for you have never been -a pietist, but I have, and I was--deuce take me--no hypocrite. But I -don't do it again. That is to say--one never knows, for it comes over -one, or does not--it all depends on----" - -"On what?" - -"Hard to say. Pietism, for the rest, is a kind of European Buddhism. -Both regard the world as an unclean place of punishment for the soul. -Therefore they seek to counteract material influences, and in that -they are not so wrong. That they do not succeed is obvious, but the -struggle itself deserves respect. Their apparent hypocrisy results from -the fact that they do not reach the goal they aim at, and their life -always halts behind their teaching. That the priests of the church hate -them is clear, for our married dairy farmers, card players and good -diners do not love these apostles who show their unnecessariness and -their defects. You know our clergy out there on the islands; I need -not gossip about them, for you know. There you have the hypocrites, -especially among the unfortunates, who after going through their -examination have lost faith in all doctrines." - -"Yes, but the pietists are enemies to culture." - -"No, I don't find that. When I came to this island it was inhabited by -three hundred besotted beasts who led the life of devils. And now--you -see for yourself. They are not lovable nor lively, but they are, at -any rate, quiet, so that one can sleep at night; and they don't fight, -so that one can walk about the island without fear for one's life and -limbs. In a word, the simplest blessings of civilisation were the -distinct result of the erection of the prayer-house." - -"The prayer-house which you never enter!" - -"No, I don't belong to that fold. But have you ever been there?" - -"I? No!" - -"You should hear them once at any rate." - -"Why?" - -"You daren't!" - -"Daren't! Is it dangerous?" - -"So they say!" - -"Not for me." - -"Shall we wager a barrel of punch?" - -The postmaster reflected an instant, not so much on the punch as on the -doctor's suspecting him of cowardice. - -"Done! I will go there on Friday. And you can carry the punch home in a -boat, if you see anything go wrong with me." - -The day came and the postmaster ate his dinner with the doctor, before -he took his way, as agreed, to the prayer-house. He had told no one of -his intention, partly because he feared that the preacher might aim at -him, partly because he did not wish to get the reputation of being a -pietist. After dinner he borrowed a box of snuff to keep himself awake, -in spite of the doctor's assurance that he would not have any chance of -sleeping. And so he went. - -The doctor walked about his garden waiting for the result of the -experiment to which many a stronger man than the postmaster had -succumbed. He waited for an hour and a half; he waited two hours; he -waited three. Then at last he saw the congregation coming out--a sign -that it was over. But the postmaster did not appear. The doctor became -uneasy. Another hour passed, and at last he saw his friend coming out -of the wood. He came with a somewhat artificial liveliness and there -was something forced in the springiness of his gait. When he saw the -doctor, he made a slight wriggling movement with his legs, and shrugged -his shoulders as though his clothes were too tight for him. - -"Well?" asked the doctor. "It was tedious, wasn't it?" - -"Yes," was the only answer. - -They went down to the pavilion and took their seats opposite each -other, although the postmaster was shy of showing his face, into which -a new expression had come. - -"Give me a pinch of snuff," said the doctor slyly. - -The postmaster drew out the snuff-box, which had been untouched. - -"You did not sleep?" resumed the doctor. - -The postmaster felt embarrassed. - -"Well, old fellow, you are not cheerful! What is the matter? Stop a -minute!" The doctor indicated with his forefinger the space between -his friend's eyes and nose as though he wished to show him something, -"I believe ... you have been crying!" - -"Nonsense!" answered the postmaster, and straightened himself up. "But, -at any rate, you know I am not easily befooled, but as I said that -fellow is a wizard." - -"Tell us, tell us! Fancy your believing in wizards!" - -"Yes, it was so strange." He paused for a while and continued: - -"Can you imagine it? He preached, as was to be expected, especially -to me. And in the middle of his preaching he told me all the secrets -which, like everyone else, I have kept most jealously hidden from my -childhood's days and earlier. I felt that I reddened, and that the -whole congregation looked at me as though they knew it also, which is -quite impossible. They nodded, keeping time with his words and looking -at me simultaneously. Yes, they turned round on their seats. Even -regarded as witchcraft it was----" - -"Yes, yes, I know it, and therefore I take care. What it is I don't -know, but it is something which I keep at arm's length. And it is -the same with Swedenborg. I sat once in an ante-room waiting for -admission. Behind me stood a book-case from which a book projected and -prevented me from leaning my head back. I took the book down and it was -part of Swedenborg's 'Arcana Coelestia.' I opened it at random and--can -you imagine it? in two minutes a subject which just then occupied my -thoughts was explained to me in such detail and with an almost alarming -amount of expert knowledge, that it was quite uncanny. In two minutes I -was quite clear regarding myself and my concerns." - -"Well, tell us about it." - -"No, I won't. You know yourself that the life we live in thought is -secret, and what we experience in secret.... Yes, we are not what we -seem." - -"No." His friend broke in hastily. "No; our actions are very easy to -control, but our thoughts ... ugh!" - -"And thoughts are the deeds of the mind, as I have read somewhere. With -our silent, evil thoughts we can infect others; we can transfer our -evil purposes to others who execute them. Do you remember the case of -the child murderess here ten years ago?" - -"No, I was away then." - -"She was a young children's nurse, innocent, fond of children, and had -always been kind, as was elicited in examination. During the summer -she was in the service of an actress up there in Fagervik. In August -she was arrested for child murder. I was present in court when she was -examined. She could not assign any reason for her action. But the judge -wished to find out the reason, since she had no personal motive for it. -The witnesses declared that she had loved the child, and she admitted -it. At her second examination she was beside herself with remorse and -horror at the terrible deed, but still behaved as though she were -not really guilty, although she assumed the responsibility for the -crime. At the third examination the judge tried to help her, and put -the question, 'How did the idea come to you of murdering an innocent -child whom you loved? Think carefully!' The girl cast a look of despair -round the court, but when her eyes rested on the mother of the child, -the actress, who was present for the first time, she answered the -judge simply and naturally. 'I believe that my mistress wished it.' -You should have seen the woman's face as these words were uttered. It -seemed to me that her clothes dropped from her and she stood there -exposed, and for the first time I thought of the abysmal depths of the -human soul, over which a judge must walk with bandaged eyes, for he has -no right to punish us in our interior life of thought; there we punish -ourselves and that is what the pietists do." - -"What you say is true enough, but I know also that my inner life is -sometimes higher and purer than my outward life." - -"I grant it. I have also an idea of my better ego, which is the best I -know.... But tell me, what have you been doing for a whole hour in the -wood?" - -"I was thinking." - -"You are not going to be a pietist, I suppose," broke in the doctor as -he filled his glass. - -"No, not I." - -"But you no longer think the pietists are humbugs?" - -To this the postmaster made no reply. But the drinking did not go -briskly that evening, and the conversation was on higher topics than -usual. Towards ten o'clock a terrible howling like that of wild beasts -came over the Sound. It was from the garden of the hotel in Fagervik. -Both the philosophers glanced in that direction. - -"They are the crews of the cutters, of course," said the postmaster. -"They are certainly fighting too. Yes, Fagervik is going down because -of the rows at night. The holiday visitors run away for they cannot -sleep, and they have thought of closing the beer-shops." "And of -opening a prayer-house, perhaps?" - -This question also remained unanswered, and they parted without knowing -exactly how they stood with each other. - -Meanwhile the report spread in Fagervik that the postmaster had been to -the prayer-house, and when the next afternoon he found himself in his -little circle at the hotel with the custom-house officer and the chief -pilot, they greeted him with the important news: - -"So! you have become a pietist!" - -The postmaster parried the thrust with a jest, swore emphatically that -it was untrue, and as a proof emptied his glass more thoroughly than -usual. - -"But you have been there." - -"I was curious." - -"Well, what did they say?" - -The postmaster's face darkened, and as they continued to jest it -occurred to him that it was cowardly and contemptible to mock at what -in his opinion did not deserve mockery. Therefore he said seriously and -decidedly: "Leave me in peace! I am not a pietist, but I think highly -of them." - -That was tantamount to a confession, and like an iron curtain something -fell between him and his friends. The expression of their faces -changed, and they seemed all at once strange to him. It was the most -curious experience he had had, and it was painful at the same time. - -He kept away for a few days and seemed to be in an introspective mood. -After that, by degrees, he resumed his old relations to them, came -again to the hotel, and was gradually the same as before, but not -quite. For he had "pricked up his ears" as the phrase goes. - -The Saturday evening _tête-à-tête_ were resumed as before. Now that the -postmaster had become more serious, and showed interest in the deeper -things of life, the doctor considered the time had come to communicate -to him some of the stock of observations which he had made on human -life, without any reference to his own particular experience. It was -reported that he had been married and had children but no one knew -exactly the facts of the case. - -After he had satisfied himself that the postmaster liked being read -to aloud, he ventured to suggest to him that they should spend the -Saturday evenings in this higher form of recreation, after they had -first exchanged opinions on the questions of the day, as suggested by -the events of the week. The subject-matter read would then provide -occasion for further explanations and expressions of thought. - -Accordingly, on Saturday evening after supper, while the weather -outside was cold and wet, they sat in the best room of the doctor's -house. After searching for some time in a cupboard the doctor fished -out a manuscript; at the last moment he hesitated--perhaps because it -was autobiographical. In order to give himself courage he began with -some preliminary remarks. - -"I don't think that, in your recollection, I have expressed my views -on a certain question--the most important one of our time. This -question, which touches the deepest things in life, and is treated most -superficially because it is taken up in a spirit of partisanship.... I -mean----" - -"Nevermind! I know!" - -"You are afraid of it, but I am not, for it is no question for me, but -a riddle or an insoluble problem. You know that there are insoluble -problems whose insolubility can be proved, but still men continue to -investigate the unsearchable." - -"Come to the point! Let us argue afterwards." - -"And they have tried to make laws to regulate the behaviour of married -people to each other; that is as though one should lay down rules for -forming a friendship or falling in love. Well and good! I will tell you -a story or two, and then we shall see whether the matter comes under -the head of consideration at all, or whether the usual laws of thought -apply in this case." - -"Very well." - -"One thing more. Don't think because quarantine is mentioned in the -story that it is my story. That is buried deeper. Now we will begin." - - - - -THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY - - - -I - - -They had gone off, taken the almost matter-of-course flight. An outcry -rang through their social circle; people pressed their hands to the -region of their heart, shuddered, lamented, condemned, according as -each had figured to him or herself the terrible tragedy which had been -played; two hearts had been torn asunder, two families raged against -each other; there was a lonely husband and a deserted child; a desolate -home, a career destroyed, entangled affairs which could not be put -straight, and broken friendships. Two men were sitting in a restaurant -and discussing the affair. - -"But why did they run away? I think it disgusting!" - -"On the contrary! I consider that ordinary decency requires that they -should leave the field to the irreproachable husband; then at any rate -they need not meet in the streets. Besides, it is more honest to be -divorced than to form an illicit tie." - -"But why could they not keep their faith and vows? We for our part -hold out for life through grief and joy." - -"Yes, and how does it look afterwards? Like an old bird's-nest in -autumn! Other times, other manners." - -"But it is terrible in any case." - -"Not least for the runaways. Now it will be the turn of the man who -took all the consequences on himself. He will be paid out." - -"And so will she." - - * * * * * - -The story was as follows. The now divorced married pair had met three -years before in a watering-place, and passed through all the stages -of being in love in the normal way. They discovered, as usual, that -they had been born for the special purpose of meeting each other -and wandering through life hand in hand. In order to be worthy of -her he gave up all doubtful habits and refined his language and his -morals. She seemed to him an angel sent by God to open his eyes and to -point him upwards. He overcame the usual difficulties regarding the -publishing of the banns, convinced that those very difficulties were -placed in his way in order to give him an opportunity of showing his -courage and energy. - -They read the scandalous anonymous letters which generally follow -engagements together, and put them in the fire. She wept, it is true, -over the wickedness of men, but he said the purpose of it was to test -their faith in each other. - -The period of their betrothal was one long intoxication. He declared -that he did not need to drink any more, for her presence made him -literally drunk. Once in a way they felt the weirdness of the solitude -which surrounded them, for their friends had given them up, considering -themselves superfluous. - -"Why do people avoid us?" she asked one evening as they walked outside -the town. - -"Because," he answered, "men run away when they see happiness." - -They did not notice that they themselves avoided intercourse with -others, as they actually did. He, especially, showed a real dread of -meeting his old bachelor friends, for they seemed to him like enemies, -and he saw their sceptical grimaces, which were only too easy to -interpret. - -"See! there he is caught! To think of the old rascal letting himself be -hoodwinked!" etc. For the young bachelors were of the opinion then, as -now, that love was a piece of trickery which sooner or later must be -unmasked. - -But the conversation of the betrothed pair kept them above the -banalities of everyday life, and they lived, as people say rightly, -above the earth. But they began to feel afraid of the solitude which -surrounded them and drove them together. They tried to go among other -people, partly from the need of showing their happiness, and partly to -quiet themselves. But when after the theatre they entered a restaurant, -and she arranged her hair at the glass in the hall, he felt as though -she was adorning herself for strangers. And when they sat down at the -table, he became instantaneously silent, for her face assumed a new -expression which was strange to him. Her glances seemed to parry the -looks of strangers. They both became silent, and his face wore an -anxious expression. It was a dismal supper, and they soon left. - -When they came out she asked, somewhat out of humour at being -disappointed of a pleasure, "Are you vexed with me?" - -"No, my dear, I cannot be vexed with you. But I bleed inwardly when I -see young fellows desecrate you with their looks." So their visits to -the restaurant ceased. - -The weeks before the marriage were spent in arranging their future -dwelling. They had discussed carpets and curtains, had interviewed -workmen and shopmen, and in so doing had descended from their ideal -heights. Now they wanted to go out to get rid of these prosaic -impressions. So they went, but with that ominous silence when the heads -of a pair feel empty and someone seems to walk between them. He tried -to rally himself and put her in good spirits but unsuccessfully. - -"I hang too heavily upon you," she said, and let go of his arm. He did -not answer, for he really felt some relief. That annoyed her and she -drew nearer the wall. The conversation was at an end, and they soon -found themselves before her door. - -"Good night," she said curtly. - -"Good night," he replied with equal curtness, and they parted obviously -to their mutual relief. This time there was no kiss in the passage and -he did not wait outside the glass door to watch her slender figure move -gracefully up the first flight of stairs. - -He went down the street with an elastic gait and drawing a deep -breath of relief. He felt released from something oppressive, which -nevertheless had been charming for three months. Pulling himself -together, he mentally picked up the dropped threads of a past which now -seemed strong and sincere. He hurried on, his ego exulted, and both his -arms, as they swung, felt like wings. - -That the affair was over he felt no doubt, but he saw no reason for -it, and with wide-awake consciousness confronted a fact which he -unhesitatingly accepted. When he came near his door he met an old -friend whom, without further ado, he took by the arm, and invited to -share his simple supper and to talk. His friend looked astonished, but -followed him up the stairs. - -They ate and drank, smoked and chatted till midnight, discussing every -variety of topic, old reminiscences and affairs of State, the Reichstag -and political economy. There was not a word regarding his betrothal and -marriage, or even an allusion to them. It was a very enjoyable evening -and he seemed to have gone back three months in his life. He noticed -that his voice assumed a more manly tone, that he spoke his thoughts -straight out as they came, without having to take the trouble to round -off the corners of strong words to emphasise some expressions, and -soften down others in order not to give offence. He felt as though he -had found himself again, thrown off a strait-jacket, and laid aside a -mask. He accompanied his friend downstairs to open the house-door. - -"Well, you will be married in eight days," said the latter with the -usual sceptical grimace. It was as though he had pressed a button and -the door slammed to in answer. - -When he came to his room, he felt seized with disgust; he took the -things off the table, cleared up, swept the room, and then became -conscious of what he had lost, and how low he had sunk. - -He felt he had been unfaithful to his betrothed, because he had given -his soul to another, even though that other was a man. He had lost -something better than that which he thought he had gained. What he had -found again was merely his old selfish, inconsiderate, comfortable, -everyday ego, with its coarseness and uncleanness, which his friend -liked because it suited his own. - -And now it was all over, and the link broken for ever! The great -solitude would resume its sway, the ugly bachelor life begin again. -It did not occur to him to sit down and write a letter, for he felt -it would be useless. Therefore he tried to weary himself in order to -obtain sleep, soaked his whole head in cold water, and so went to -bed. The little ceremony of winding up his watch made, to-night, a -peculiar impression on him. Everything had to be renewed at night, even -time itself. Perhaps her love only needed a night's rest in order to -recommence. - -When he awoke the following morning, the sun shone into the room. An -indescribable feeling of quietness had taken possession of him, and he -felt that life was good as it was, yes, better to-day than usual, for -his soul felt at home again after a long excursion. He dressed himself -and went to his office, opened his letters, read the newspaper, and -felt quite calm all the time. But this unnatural calm began at last to -make him uneasy. He felt an increasing nervousness and a feverishness -over his whole body. The vacuum began to be filled again with her soul; -the electric band had been stretched, and the stream cut off, but it -was still there; there had only been a break in the current, and now -all the recollections rushed upon him, all their beautiful and great -experiences, all the elevated feelings and great thoughts which they -had amassed together, all the dream-world in which they had lived, so -unlike the present world of prose where they now found themselves. - -With a feeling of despair he betook himself to his correspondence -in order to conceal his emotions, and began to answer letters with -calmness, order, and clearness. Offers were accepted on certain -conditions, and declined on definite grounds. He went into questions of -coffee and sugar, exchange prices and accounts with unusual clearness -and decision. - -A clerk brought him a letter, which he saw at once was from her. - -"The messenger waits for an answer," he said. - -Without looking up from his desk, the merchant had at once decided and -replied: "He needn't wait." - -In that moment he had said to himself: "Explanations, reproaches, -accusations--how can I answer such things?" - -And the letter lay unopened while his business correspondence went on -with stormy celerity. - - * * * * * - -When his fiancée had parted from him on the previous evening her first -emotion had been anger--anger to think that he, the merchant, had -dared to despise her. She herself belonged to an official's family -and had dreamt of playing a rôle in society. His warm and faithful -affection had made her gradually forget this. Since he was never weary -of telling her what an ennobling influence she exercised on his life, -and since she herself perceived how he became refined and beautiful -under her hand, she felt herself to be a higher being. His steady -veneration kindled her self-esteem and she grew and blossomed in the -sunshine which his love spread around her. When that was suddenly -extinguished, it grew cold and dark around her; she felt herself -dwindle down to her original insignificance, shrivel and disappear. -This discovery that she had been the victim of an error and that -his love was the cause of her new life and the enlargement of her -personality, aroused her hatred against the man who had given her -such clear proof that her existence depended on him and on his love. -Now that he was no longer her lover, he became the tradesman whom she -despised. - -"A fellow who sells coffee and sugar!" she said to herself, as she fell -asleep, "I could change him for a better one." - -But when she awoke after a good night's sleep, she felt alarmed at the -disgrace of being given up. A broken engagement, after two offers, -would always cast a shadow over her life and make it difficult to -procure another fiancé. - -In a spiteful mood she sat down to write the letter, in which in a -lofty, insulting tone she demanded an explanation, and at the same time -asked him to come and see her. - -When the messenger returned with the news that there was no answer she -fell in a rage, and prepared to go out. She intended to find him in his -office, where she had never yet been, and before the eyes of his clerks -throw his ring on the ground to show how deeply she despised him. So -she went. - -She stood outside the door and knocked. But since no one opened or -answered she entered and stood in the hall. Through the glass pane of -the inner door she saw her betrothed bending over the large ledger, -his face intent and serious. She had never seen him at work before. -And when at work every man, even the most insignificant, is imposing. -Sacred work, which makes a man what he is, invested his appearance with -the dignity of concentrated strength, and she was seized with a feeling -of respect for him which she could not throw off. - -Just then he was inspecting in the ledger the entries of the expenses -of furnishing their house. - -They had absorbed his savings during the ten years he had been in -business, and though not petty-minded, he thought with sorrow and -bitterness, how they were all thrown away. He sighed and looked up -in order not to see the tell-tale figures. Then, all of a sudden, he -noticed behind the glass pane of the door, like a crayon drawing in a -frame, a pale face and two large eyes full of an expression of pain -and sympathy. He rose and stood reverently, mute in his great, virile -grief, interrogative and trembling. Then he saw in her looks how the -lost love had returned, and with that all was said. - -When after a while they were walking past Skeppsholm, bright with their -recovered happiness, he asked: "What happened to us yesterday?" (He -said "us" for he did not wish to raise the question whose fault it -was.) - -"I don't know; I cannot explain it; but it was the most terrible -experience I have had. We will never do it again!" - -"No! we will never do it again. And now, Ebba, it is for our whole -lives, you and I!" - -She pressed his arm, fully convinced that after this fiery trial, -nothing in the world could separate them, so far as it depended on -themselves. - - - -II - - -And they were married. But instead of hiding their happiness in -their beautiful clean home, they set out on a journey among strange, -indifferent, curious, and even hostile people. Then they went from -hotel to hotel, were stared at at tables d'hôte, got headaches in -museums, and in the evening were dumb with fatigue and put out of -humour by mishaps. - -Tom away from his work and his surroundings, the industrious man found -it difficult to collect himself. When his thoughts went back to the -business matters which he had left in the hands of others, he was -inattentive and tiresome. They both longed for home, but were ashamed -to return and to be received with ridicule. - -The first week they occupied the time by talking over the -recollections of their engagement; during the second week they -discussed the journeys of the first. They never lived in the present -but in the past. When there was an interval of dullness or silence -he had always comforted her with the thought that their intercourse -would be easier when they had amassed a store of common memories, -and had learnt to avoid each other's antipathies. Meanwhile, out of -consideration, they had borne with these and suppressed their own -peculiarities and weaknesses as well-brought-up people usually do. -This led to a feeling of restraint and being on one's guard which was -exhausting; and the time had come for making important discoveries. -Since he possessed more self-control than she did, he was careful -not to say too much, but concealed one inclination and habit after -another, while she revealed all hers. As he loved her, he wished to -be agreeable, and therefore learned to be silent. The result was that -with all her inherited habits, peculiarities, and prejudices she had -so insinuated herself into his life that he began to feel himself -attenuated and annihilated. - -One evening the young wife was seized with a sudden desire to praise -her sister, a hateful coquette, whom her husband disliked because -she had tried, from selfish motives, to break their engagement. He -listened to his wife in respectful silence, now and then murmuring an -indistinct assent. At last his wife's praise of her sister mounted to -a paean, and though he thought her affection for her relatives a fine -trait in her character, he could not entirely place himself in her -skin nor see with her eyes. So he took refuge in the kind of silence -which is more eloquent than plain words. This silence was accompanied -by a gnawing of the lips and a violent perspiration. All the words and -opinions he had suppressed found mute expression in these movements -of his lips--he merely "marked time" as actors say--and the breaths -which were not used in forming words, he emitted through his nose. -Simultaneously the pores of his skin opened as so many safety-valves -for his suppressed emotions, and it became really unpleasant to have -him at the table. - -The young wife did not conceal her annoyance, for she feared no -revenge. She made an ugly gesture, which always ill becomes a woman; -she held her nose with both fingers, looking around to those present as -if to ask whether she was not right! - -Her husband became pale, rose, and went out. Several people were -sitting close by who witnessed the unpleasant scene. When he came out -on the streets of the foreign town, he unbuttoned his waistcoat and -breathed freely. And then his thoughts took their own course ruthlessly. - -"I am becoming a hypocrite simply out of consideration for her. One -lie is piled up on another, and some day it will all come down with a -crash. What a coarse woman she is! And it was from her that I believed -I should learn and be refined into a higher being. It is all optical -delusion and deceit. All this 'love' is merely a piece of trickery on -the part of nature to dazzle one's sight." - -He tried to picture to himself what was now happening in the -dining-room. She would naturally weep and appeal with her eyes to those -present as if to ask whether she was not very unfortunate with such a -husband. It was indeed her habit so to appeal with her eyes, and when -he expected an answer from her, she always turned her looks on those -around as if asking for help against her oppressor. He was always -treated as a tyrant, although out of pure kindness he had made himself -her slave. There was no help for it! - -He found himself down by the harbour, and caught sight of the -swimming-baths--that was just what he wanted. Quickly he plunged into -the sea, and swam far out into the darkness. His soul, tortured by -mosquito-stings and nettle-pricks, was able to cool itself, and he felt -how he left a wake of dirt behind him. He lay on his back and gazed at -the starry sky, but at the same moment heard a whistling and splashing -behind him. It was a great steamer coming in, and he had to get out of -the way to save His life. He made for the lamp-lit shore and saw the -hotel with all its lights. - -When he had dressed, he felt an unmeasured sorrow--sorrow over his lost -paradise. At the same time all bitterness had passed away. - -In this mood he entered his room and found his wife seated at the -writing-table. She rose and threw herself into his arms without a word -of apology; naturally enough he did not desire it, and she had no idea -of having done wrong. - -They sat down and wept together over their vanished love, for that it -had gone there was no doubt. But it had gone without their will, and -they sorrowed over it, as over some dear friend which they had not -killed but could not save. They were confronted by a fact before which -they were helpless; love the good genius who magnifies every trifle, -rejuvenates what is old, beautifies what is ugly, had abandoned them, -and life stretched before them in naked monotony. - -But it did not occur to them that they would be separated or were -separated, for their grief itself was an experience they shared, which -held them together. They were also united in a common grudge against -Fate, which had so deceived them in their tenderest emotions. In their -great dejection they were not capable of such a strong feeling as hate. -They only felt resentment and indignation at Fate, which was their -scapegoat and lightning-conductor. - -They had never talked so harmoniously and so intimately before, and -while their voices assumed a more affectionate tone, they formed a firm -resolve to go home and commence their domestic life. He talked himself -into a state of enthusiasm at the thought of home, where one could -exclude all evil influences, and where peace and harmony would reign. -She also dilated on the same topic with similar warmth till they had -forgotten their sorrow. And when they had forgotten it, they smiled -as before, and behold! love was again there, and not dead at all; its -death was also a delusion and so was all their grief. - - - -III - - -He had realised his youthful dream of a wife and a home, and for eight -days the young wife also thought that her dream had come true. But on -the ninth day she wanted to go out. - -"Where?" he asked. - -"Say, yourself!" - -No, she must say. He proposed the opera, but Wagner was being performed -there, and she could not bear him. The theatre? No, there they had -Maeterlinck, and that was silly. He did not wish to go to an operetta, -for they always ridiculed what he now regarded as sacred. Nor did he -like the circus, where there were only horses and queer women. - -So the discussion went on and they privately discovered a great -quantity of divergences in tastes and principles. In order to please -her, he proposed an operetta, but she would not accept the sacrifice. -He suggested that they should give a party, but then they discovered -that there was no one to invite, for they had separated from their -friends, and their friends from them. - -So they sat there, still in harmony, and considered their destiny -together, without having yet begun to blame each other. They stayed at -home, and felt bored. - -Next day, the same scene was repeated. He now saw that his happiness -was at stake; therefore he took courage, and said in a friendly way but -decidedly, "Dress yourself and we will go to an operetta." She beamed, -put on her new dress, and was quickly ready. When he saw her so happy -and pretty, he felt a stab in his heart, and thought to himself, "Now -she brightens up, when she can dress for others and not for me." -When he then conducted her to the theatre, he felt as though he were -escorting a stranger, for her thoughts were already in the auditorium, -which was her stage, where she wished to appear, and where she could -now appear under her husband's escort without being insulted. - -Since they could already divine each other's thoughts, this alienation, -while they were on the way, changed into something like hostility. They -longed to be in the theatre in order to find something to divert their -emotions, though he felt as though he were going to an execution. - -When they came to the ticket-office there were no tickets left. - -Then her face changed, and when she looked at him, and thought she saw -an expression of satisfaction, which possibly was latent there, she -broke out, "That pleases you?" - -He wished to deny it, but could not, for it was true. On the way home -he felt as though he were dragging a corpse with him, and that a -hostile one. - -The fact that she had discovered his very natural thought, which he -had self-denyingly repressed, hurt him like a rudeness for one has no -right to punish the thoughts of another. He would have borne it more -easily if there had been no tickets left, for he was already accustomed -to be a scapegoat. But now he lamented over his lost happiness, and -that he had not the power to amuse her. - -When she observed that he was not angry, but only sad, she despised -him. They came home in ominous silence; she went straight to her -bedroom and shut the door. He sat down in the dining-room, where he lit -the lamps and candles, for the darkness seemed to be closing round him. - -Then he heard a cry from the bedroom, the cry of a child, but of a -grown one. When he came in he saw a sight which tore his heart. She was -on her knees, her hands stretched towards him, wailing as she wept, -"Don't be angry with me, don't be hard; you put out the light round me, -you stifle me with your severity; I am a child that trusts life and -must have sunshine." - -He could find no answer, for she seemed sincere. And he could not -defend himself, for that meant arraigning her thoughts, which he also -could not do. - -Dumb with despair, he went into his room and felt crushed. He had -pillaged her youth, shut her up, torn out her joy by the roots. He had -not the light which this tender flower needed, and she withered under -his hand. These self-reproaches broke down all the self-confidence -he had hitherto possessed; he felt unworthy of her love, or of any -woman's, and felt himself a murderer who had killed her happiness. - -After he had suffered all these pangs of conscience he began to examine -himself calmly and with sober common sense. - -"What have I done?" he asked himself. "What have I done to her? All the -good that I could; I have done her will in everything. I did not wish -to go out in the evening, when I had come home after the work of the -day, and I did not wish to see an operetta. An operetta was formerly a -matter of indifference to me, but now it is distasteful, since through -my love for her I have entered another sphere of emotion which I do not -hesitate to call a higher one. How foolish of me! I had the idea that -she would draw me out of the mire, but she draws me down; she has drawn -me down the whole time. Then it is not she but my love which draws -upward, for there is a higher and a lower. Yes, the sage was right who -said, 'Men marry to have a home to come to to, women marry to have a -home to go out of.' Home is not for the woman but for the man and the -child. All women complain of being shut up at home, and so does mine, -although she goes about the whole morning paying visits, and haunting -cafés and shops." - -He began to work his way out of this slough of despond, and found -himself on the side where the fault was not. But again he saw the -heart-rending spectacle of his young wife on her knees begging him, -with outstretched hands, not to kill her youth and brightness with his -severity. Since it was foreign to his nature to act a part, he felt -sure that she was not doing so, and felt again like a criminal, so that -he was tempted to commit suicide, for the mere fact of his existence -crushed her happiness. - -But again his sense of justice was aroused, for he had no right to take -the blame on himself when he did not deserve it. He was not hard but he -was serious, and it was just his seriousness which had made the deepest -impression on the young girl and decided her to prefer him to other -frivolous young men. He had not wished to kill her joy; on the contrary -he had done everything in his power to procure for her the quiet joys -of domesticity; he had not even wished to deny her the ambiguous -pleasure of the operetta, but had sacrificed himself and accompanied -her thither. What she had said was therefore simply nonsense. And yet -her grief had been so deep and sincere. What was the meaning of it? - -Then came the answer. It was the girl's leave-taking of youth--which -was inevitable. It was therefore as natural as it was beautiful--this -outbreak of despair at the brevity of spring. But he was not to blame -for it, and if his wife perhaps in a year was to become a mother, it -was now the right time to bid farewell to girlish joys in order to -prepare for the higher joys of maternity. - -He had, therefore, nothing to reproach himself with, and yet he did -reproach himself with everything. With a quick resolve, he shook off -his depression and went to his wife, firmly determining not to say a -word in his defence, for that meant extinguishing her love, but simply -to invite her to reconciliation without a reckoning. - -He found his wife on the point of being weary of solitude, and she -would have welcomed the society of anyone, even that of her husband, -rather than be quite alone. - -Then they came to an agreement to give a party and to invite his -friends and hers, who would be sure to come. This evening their need -for domestic peace and comfort was so mutual that they agreed, without -any difficulty, who should be invited and who not. - -They closed the day by drinking a bottle of champagne. The sparkling -drink loosened her tongue and now she took the opportunity to make him -gentle and jesting reproaches for his egotism and discourtesy towards -his wife. She looked so pretty as she raised herself on tiptoe above -him, and she seemed so much greater and nobler when she had rolled all -her faults upon him, that he thought it a pity to pull her down, and -therefore went to sleep laden with all the defects and shortcomings -which he had taken on himself. - -When he awoke the next morning he lay still in order to think over the -events of the past evening. And now he despised himself for having -kept silence and refrained from defending himself. Now he perceived -how the whole of their life together was built upon his silence and -the suppression of his personality. For if he had spoken yesterday, -she would have gone--she always threatened to go to her mother when he -"ill-treated" her, and she called it "ill-treatment" every time that -he was tired of making himself out worse than he was. Here they were -building on falsity, and the building would collapse some day when he -ventured on a criticism or personal remark regarding her. - -Reverence, worship, blind obedience--that was the price of her love--he -must either pay it, or go without it. - -The party took place. The husband, as a good host, did all he could -to efface himself and bring his wife into prominence. His friends, -who were gentlemen, behaved to her in their turn with all the courtesy -which they felt was due to a young wife. - -After supper music was proposed. There was a piano in the house, -but the wife could not play, and the husband did not want to. A -young doctor undertook the task, and since he had to choose his own -programme, he had resort to his favourite, Wagner. The mistress of -the house did not know what he was playing but did not like the deep -seriousness of it. When at last the thunder ceased, her husband sat -uneasily there, for he could surmise what was coming. - -As a ladylike hostess, she had to say something. She thought a simple -"thanks" insufficient, and asked what the music was. - -Then it came out--Wagner! - -Her husband felt the look which he feared, which told him that he was -a traitor who perhaps had wished to entice her to praise in ignorance -"the worst music which she knew." During the time of their engagement -she had certainly listened attentively to her fiance's long speeches -in defence of Wagner, but immediately after their marriage, she had -declared openly that she could not bear him. Therefore her husband had -never played to her, and she feigned not to know that he could play. -But now she felt insidiously surprised, and her husband received the -beforementioned look which told him what he had to expect. - -The guests had gone, and husband and wife sat there alone. - -In his father's house he had learnt never to speak anything but good of -departed guests, but rather to be silent. She had also heard something -of the kind, but here she felt no need of restraint. So now she began -to criticise his friends; they were, to put it briefly, tedious. - -He gnawed his cigar in silence, for to dispute about likings and taste -in this case would be unreasonable. - -But she also considered them discourteous. She had been told that young -men should say pleasant things. - -"Did they venture to say anything unpleasant?" he asked, feeling uneasy -lest anyone should have forgotten himself. - -"No, not exactly." - -Then came a shower of petty criticisms; someone's tie was not straight, -another had too long a nose, another drawled, and then, "the fellow who -played Wagner!" - -"You are not kind," said her husband with a lame attempt to defend his -friends. - -"Yes! and the friends you trust in! You should only have heard and seen -the words and looks which I heard and saw. They are false to you." - -He continued to smoke and kept silence, but he thought how low he -had sunk to deny his old and tried friends; how despicable it was to -plead for forgiveness with his eyes for the performance of Wagner. -His thoughts ran parallel with her loud chatter, and he spoke them in -silence. - -"You despise my friends because they do not court their friend's wife, -do not pay her little compliments on her figure and dress; and you hate -them because you feel how my strength grows in the circle of their -sympathies for me. You hate them as you hate me, and would hate anyone -else who was your husband." - -She must have felt the effect of these thoughts, for her volubility -slackened, and when he cast a glance at her, she seemed to have shrunk -together. Immediately afterwards she rose, on the pretext that she felt -freezing. As a matter of fact, she was trembling and had red flames on -her cheeks. - -That night he observed for the first time that he had at his side an -ugly old woman who had enamelled her face with bright cosmetics and -plaited her hair like a peasant woman. - -She did not bother herself to appear at her best before him but was -already free and easy and cynical enough to make herself repugnant by -disclosing the unbeautiful secrets of the toilet. - -Then for a moment he was released from his enchantment, and continued -to think of flight till sleep had pity on him. - -A couple of weeks passed in dull silence. He could not get rid of the -thought that it was a pity about her, and when she was bored, it was -his fault for the moment, because he was her husband--for the moment. -To seek for others' society was now no longer possible, since his -friends had been rejected, and she had no more pleasure in her own. -They tried to go out each his own way but always returned home. - -"You find it hard to be away from me, in spite of all!" she said. - -"And you?" he answered. - -She remained compliant and indifferent, no longer angry, so that they -could talk, i.e. he ventured to answer. - -"My jailor!" she said on one occasion. - -"Who is in jail, you or I?" he answered. - -When they perceived that they were each other's prisoners, they smiled -at the relationship and began to examine the witchcraft of which they -were victims. They went back in memory and lived over again the -engagement period and their wedding journey. Consequently they lived -always in the past, never in the present. - -Then came the great moment he had waited for as a liberation--the -announcement of her expecting to be a mother. Her longings would now -have an object, and she would look forward instead of backward. But -even here he had miscalculated. - -Now she was angry with him, for her beauty would wither away, and -it was no use his trying to comfort her by saying she would get up -rejuvenated with recovered beauty, and that the crowning happiness -awaited her. She treated him like a murderer, and could not look at him -for his mere scent aroused her dislike. In order to obtain light on the -matter, he asked their doctor. The latter laughed and explained to him -that in such cases women always thought they smelt something;--this was -either pure imagination or a physical perversion of the olfactory nerve. - -When at last this stage was over, a certain calm succeeded which he was -short-sighted enough to enjoy. Since he was now sure of having his wife -in the house he perhaps showed that he was happy and thankful for it. -But he should not have done so, for now she saw the matter from a new -point of view. - -"Ah! now you think you have me fast, but just wait till I am up again!" - -The look which accompanied the threat gave him to understand what would -happen. Now he began a battle with himself whether he should await the -arrival of the child or go away first, in order to avoid the wrench of -parting from it. - -Since the married pair had entered into such a close relationship that -one could hear the thoughts of the other, he could keep no secrets from -her which she did not seize upon forthwith. - -"I know well enough that you contemplate deserting us and casting us on -the street." - -"That is strange," he remarked; "it is you who have threatened the -whole time to go off with the child, as soon as it came. So whatever -I do is wrong; if I stay you go, and then I am both unhappy and -ridiculous; if I go you are the martyr, and I am unhappy and a -scoundrel to boot! That comes of having to do with women!" - -How they got through the nine months was to him a puzzle. The last -part of the time was the most tolerable, for she had begun to love the -unborn child, and love imparted to her a higher beauty than she had -before. But when he told her so, she did not believe him, and when she -observed that he was lulling himself to sleep with dreams of perpetual -happiness by her side she broke out again, saying: "You think you have -got me safe now." - -"My dear," he answered, "when we vowed to each other to be man and -wife, I believed that I would belong to you and you to me, and I hoped -that we should hold together so that the child should be born in a -home, and be brought up by its father and mother." - -And so on _ad infinitum_. - -The child came, and the mother's joy was boundless. Ennui had -disappeared and the man breathed freely, but he should have done so -more imperceptibly. For two sharp eyes saw it and two keen looks said: -"You think that I am tied by the child!" - -On the third day the little one had lost the charm of novelty and was -handed over to a nurse. Then dressmakers were summoned. Now he knew -what was coming. From that hour he went about like a man condemned to -death, waiting for his execution. He packed two travelling-bags which -he hid in his wardrobe, ready to fly at the given signal. - -The signal was given two days after his wife got up. She had put on a -dress of an extremely showy cut and of the colour called "lamp-shade." - -He took her out for a walk and suffered unspeakably when he saw that -she whom he loved, attracted a degree of attention which he found -obnoxious. Even the street urchins pointed with their fingers at the -overdressed lady. - -From that day he avoided going out with her. He stayed at home with the -child, and lamented that he had a wife who made herself ridiculous. - -Her next step to freedom was the riding-school. Through the stable -the doors to society were opened for her. By means of horses one made -acquaintances in the upper circles. Horses and dogs form the transition -stage to the world from which one peers down in order to be able to -discover the pedestrians on the dusty highways. The rider on horseback -is six ells high instead of three, and he always looks as though he -wished that those who walk should look up to him. The stable also was -her means of introduction to a lieutenant who was a baron. Their hearts -responded to each other, and since the baron was a clean-natured man, -he decidedly refused to go through the stages of guest and friend of -the house. Therefore they went off together, or rather, fled. - -Her husband remained behind with the child. - - - -IV - - -The baron jumped into the Stockholm express at Södertälje where he had -arranged to meet her. Everything had been carefully arranged for them -to be alone together at last, but Fate had other designs. When the -baron entered the railway carriage he found his beloved sitting wedged -in tightly among strangers, so tightly that there was no room for him. -A glance in the adjoining coupe showed him that it was full also, and -he had to stand in the corridor. Rage distorted his face, and when he -tried to greet her with a secret and loving smile, he only showed his -back teeth, which she had never seen before. To make matters worse, he -had, in order not to be noticed, put on mufti. She had never seen him -in this, and his spring coat looked faded, now that it was autumn. Some -soft summer showers in the former year had caused the cloth to pucker -near the seams, so that it lay in many small wave-like folds. Since it -had been cut according to the latest fashion it gave him the appearance -of having sloping shoulders which continued the neck down to the arms -with the same ignoble outlines as those of a half-pint bottle. He -perspired with rage, and a fragment of coal had settled firmly on his -nose. She would like to have jumped up and with her lace handkerchief -wiped away the black smut but dared not. He did not like to look at her -for fear of displeasing her, and therefore remained standing in the -corridor with his back towards her. - -When they reached Katrineholm they had to dine if they did not wish -to remain hungry till evening. Here the man and the hero had to show -himself, and stand the ordeal or he was lost. With trembling calves -and puckered face he followed his lady out of the train and across the -railway lines. Here he fell on his knee, so that his hat slipped to the -back of his head and remained sticking there like a military cap. But -the position which made the latter look smart did not suit the unusual -hat. In a word it was not his good day, and he had no luck. - -When they entered the dining-saloon, they looked as though they had -quarrelled inwardly, as though they despised each other, were ashamed -before each other, and mutually wished themselves apart. - -His nerves were entirely out of order, and he could not control a -single muscle. Without knowing what he was doing, he pushed her forward -to the table saying, "Hurry up!" - -The table was already surrounded by passengers, who fell on the viands -in scattered order and therefore could not open their ranks. The baron -made a sally and finally succeeded in seizing a plate, but as he wedged -in his arm to get a fork, his hand encountered another hand which -belonged to the person he least of all wished to meet just then. - -It was his senior officer, a major who presided at military -examinations. - -At the same moment a whisper passed through the crowd. - -They were recognised! He stood there as though naked among nettles. His -neck swelled so unnaturally and grew so red that his cheeks seemed to -form part of it. He could not understand how people's looks could have -the effect of gun-bullets. He was literally fusilladed and collapsed. -His companion vanished from his mind; he could only think of the major -and the military examination which might destroy his future. - -But she had seen and understood; she turned her back on everyone and -went out. She got into the wrong coupe but it was empty. He came -afterwards and they were alone at last. - -"That's a nice business, isn't it?" he hissed, striking his forehead. -"To think of my letting myself be enticed into such an adventure! And -the major too! Now my career is at an end!" - -That was the theme which was enlarged on with variations till -Linköping. Hunger and thirst both contributed their part to it. It was -terrible. - -After Linköping they both felt that the mutual reproaches they had -hitherto held back must find a vent. But just at the right moment they -remembered her husband and attacked him. It was his fault; he was the -tyrant, the idiot of course, "a fellow who played Wagner," a devil. It -was he who had given the major a hint, no doubt. - -"Yes, I believe you," said she with the firmest conviction. - -"Do you? I know it," answered the baron. "They meet on the Stock -Exchange, where they speculate in shares together. And do you know what -I begin to suspect? Your husband, the 'wretch' as we call him, has -never loved you." - -The wife considered a moment. Whether it was that her husband's love -was indubitable, or that it was necessary to suppose that he loved her, -if she was to have the honour of having made a fool of him--enough, he -must have loved her, since she was so lovable. - -"No! now you are unjust," she ventured to say. She felt herself -somewhat elevated by being able to speak a good word of an enemy, but -the baron took it as a reproach against himself and recommenced. - -"He loved you? He who shut you up and would not accompany you to the -riding-school! He----" - -The safety-conductor seemed used up, and threatened to deflect the -lightning to one side in a dangerous way. So they took up a new thread -of conversation--the question of food. Since this could not be settled -before Naujö, which was still half a day distant, they soon dropped it -again. In her extremity, and carried away by a torrent of thoughts and -emotions which she could not resist, she hazarded a conjecture as to -how her child was. To this his answer was a yawn which split his face -like a red apple to the uvula where some dark molars resembled the core -of it. Gradually he let himself slide down into a reclining attitude on -the sofa, but remembering that he ought to make some apology for his -unseemly behaviour, he yawned and said: "Excuse me, but I am so sleepy." - -Immediately afterwards he went to sleep, and after a time he snored. -Since she was no longer under the influence of his looks and words, she -could reflect quietly again, see who her travelling companion was, and -began, involuntarily, to institute comparisons. Her husband had never -behaved like this; he was refined compared with the baron, and was -always well-dressed. - -The baron, who had drunk much punch the day before, began now -to perspire and smelt of vinegar. Besides that, he always had a -stable-like smell about him. - -She went out into the corridor, opened a window, and as though released -from enchantment, she saw the whole extent of her loss and the terrible -nature of her position. As the spring landscape swept past, a little -lake with willows and a cottage, she remembered vividly how she had -dreamt of a summer holiday with the child. Then she broke into weeping, -and tried to throw herself out but was held back. She remained standing -a long time, and stamped with her feet as though she wished to stop the -train and make it go backwards. All the time she heard his snoring, -like grunts from a pigsty at feeding-time. And for this ... creature, -she had left a good home, a beautiful child, and a husband. - -The snoring ceased, and the baron began to employ his recuperated -thinking faculties in considering the situation and settling his -future. He did not know how to be sad; instead of that he became angry. -When he saw her holding her handkerchief to her eyes, he got in a rage, -and took it as a personal reproach. But quarrelling was tedious and -unpleasant; therefore assuming a light tone, and caressing her as one -might a horse, he clicked with his tongue and said: "Cheer up, Maja!" - -Two such opposite moods, in colliding, cut each other and each fell on -its own side of the knife. A dead silence was the result. They were -no longer one person, but two, irrevocably two, who did not belong -together. - -Yet another half-day in wretchedness and boredom; a night with changes -of train in the darkness, and at last they were in Copenhagen. There -they were unknown and had no need to feel embarrassed. But when they -entered the dining-saloon, she began to pass the "searchlight" of her -looks, as he called it, over all those present, so that when the baron -looked at her he never saw her eye except in profile. At last he became -angry and kicked her shin under the table. Then she turned away and -appealed with her eyes to the company. She could not look at him--so -hateful did he seem to her. Upstairs in their room the corks were drawn -out. They reached the stage of recriminations. His spoilt career was -her fault ... she had lost her child and home through him. So it went -on till past midnight when sleep had mercy on them. - -Then next morning they sat at the breakfast-table, silent and ghastly -to look at. She remembered her honeymoon journey and very much the same -situation. They had nothing to say to each other, and he was as tedious -as her husband had been. They kept silence and were ashamed of being in -each other's presence. They were conscious of their mutual hatred, and -poisoned each other with nerve-poison. - -At last the deliverer came. The waiter approached with a telegram for -the baron, who opened and read it at a glance. He seemed to consider, -cast a calculating glance at his enemy, and after a pause said: "I am -recalled by the commanding officer." - -"And mean to leave me here?" - -He changed his resolve in a second: "No, we will travel back together." -A plan suggested itself and he told her of it. "We will sail across to -Landskrona; there no one knows you, and you can wait for me." - -The idea of sailing had a smack of the adventurous and heroic about it, -and this trifle outweighed all other considerations. She was kindled, -kindled him, and they packed at once. The prospect of leaving her, for -however short a time, restored his courage. - -Accordingly, some hours later, he took his seat in a hired -sailing-boat with his beloved by the foresail and put off from Lange -Linie like a sea-robber with his bride, blustering, ostentatious and -gorgeous. - -In order to conceal his plan he had only spoken to the owner of the -boat of a pleasure-trip in the Sound. His intention was to telegraph -from Landskrona and send the money due for the boat and have the boat -itself towed by a steamer. - -As they were putting off from shore, the boat owner stood near and -watched them. But when he saw that they were directing their course to -the Island Hven, he put his hands to his mouth and shouted: "Don't go -too near Hven," and something else which was carried away by the wind. - -"Why not Hven?" asked the baron aloud. "The shore is steep, so that -there are no rocks under water." - -"Yes, but if he tells us so, he must have had some reason for it," she -objected. - -"Don't talk nonsense! Look after the foresail!" - -The wind blew a light gale on the open sea, and since there was a -considerable distance between the foresail and the stern there was no -need for conversation, much to the baron's relief. - -Their course was directed towards the south-east corner of Hven, -though at first not noticeably so. But when she at last saw whither -they were going, she called out: "Don't steer for Hven!" - -"Hold your----!" answered the baron and tacked. - -After an hour's good run they had come abreast of the white island -and a light pressure on the rudder turned the boat's prow towards -Landskrona, which appeared in the north. - -"Saved!" cried the steersman and lit a cigar. - -At the same instant a little steamer put out from Hven and made -straight for the sailing-boat. - -"What is that steamer?" she asked. - -"It is a custom-house boat," answered the baron who was at home on the -sea. - -But now the steamer hoisted a yellow flag and whistled. - -"That has nothing to do with us," said the baron, and kept on his -course. - -But the steamer took a sweep round, signalled with the flag, and let -off several short, sharp whistles like cries of distress, increasing -speed at the same time. Then the baron jumped up wildly at the stern as -though he intended plunging into the sea. He remembered the outbreak of -cholera at Hamburg and cried: "It is the quarantine! Three days! We are -lost!" - -The next moment he sat down again in his place, hauling taut the -main-sheet and drifting before the wind, straight towards the Sound. -The chase began, but soon the steamer stood athwart the bow of the -sailing-boat, which was captured. - -The whole carefully-thought-out device of the baron to avoid the gaze -of curious eyes was defeated, and as their sailing-boat was towed into -the harbour of Hven, the unhappy pair were saluted from the bridge by -hundreds of their fellow-countrymen with derisive applause and peals of -laughter, though the latter did not know whom they were applauding. But -the chagrin of the captured pair was greater than the others guessed, -for they believed that people were ridiculing their unfortunate love -affair. - -To make matters worse the baron had unpardonably insulted the -quarantine doctor by upbraiding him on board the steamer. Therefore no -special consideration was shown them, but they were treated like all -others who come from a cholera-infected port. Since their incognito was -bound to be seen through sooner or later, they went about in perpetual -fear of discovery. Full of suspicion, they believed every other hour -that they were recognised. - -No one would have the patience to read the story of the torture of -those three days. So much is known, that the first day she spent in -weeping for her child, while he walked about the island. The second day -she enlarged upon the excellent qualities of her husband as contrasted -with the execrable ones of her lover. On the third day she cursed him -for having taken her away, and when she ended by calling him an idiot -for not having obeyed her own and the boat-owner's advice to avoid -Hven, he gave her a box on the ear.... On the fourth day when they were -really discovered, and newspapers arrived with the whole story, they -went into a crevice in the rocks to hide their shame. - -When at last two steamers came to fetch the unfortunates, each went on -board a different one. And after that day they never saw nor knew each -other again. - - * * * * * - -It was nearly midnight when the reading was ended. An interval of -silence followed, but the postmaster felt he must say something. "One -generally says 'thanks'!" he remarked. "Meanwhile, after you have -said all, there is not much to add: I will only ask myself, you, and -everyone a general question: 'What is love?'" - -"What is love? Answer: 'I don't know.' Love has been called a piece -of roguery on the part of Nature. I don't believe that, for I know -that Nature has neither made itself nor can it think out pieces of -roguery. But if we accept that proposition, we descend to zoology, and -that I do not wish to do. I do not share the theoretical veneration -for woman which my contemporaries cherish; on the other hand, I -instinctively place her higher than ourselves. She seems to me to be -formed out of finer material than we men, but I may be wrong, for she -seems to be furnished with more animal functions than we are. If I were -a theosophist, I should believe she was only a kind of intermediary -chrysalis stage on the way to man, only a temporary manifestation, out -of which love, i.e. man's love, creates in, her possibilities of being -and seeming. When he finds this really lifeless form of existence and -breathes his immortal breath into it, he shares the Creator's joy on -the seventh day. The process of refining, which his coarser substance -hindered him bringing about in his own soul, he brings about in hers, -and through reaction--no! it is too difficult for me to explain; it -is like dividing an angle into three equal parts. Anyhow, the fact is -certain, and my story is an illustration of it, that when a man is -deceived in his love as he always is, his whole being revolts against -the government of the world, which seems to him to have condescended -to mock at his holiest possession, the holiest thing in all creation. -If Providence is consonant with such deceit and such coarse jesting -then he discovers a devil where he thought he had seen a good angel. -After that what shall he trust, what shall he value, at what shall he -not make a grimace? And when after marriage the veil falls, and like -Adam and Eve they are naked and ashamed, then even the most unbelieving -is conscious of something resembling the Fall. Then comes a fresh error -and they think they have deceived each other, which they have not done. -So they scourge each other for crimes which neither has committed. A -second deception follows the first." - -They were again silent. Then the postmaster gave the conversation -another turn and descended to the earth. "You can guess that I, at any -rate, recognise the lady of your story. She lives in her own little -house, here on the island by the shore." - -"Yes she does! I know her, and I was quarantine doctor at Hven when she -was captured. Now that she is elderly she has renewed her acquaintance -with me, and it is from her own mouth that I heard the story. She -has been in love countless times, and declares that every time she -believed she had found the right man who had been predestined for her -from the foundation of the world." - -"Does not reason feel its helplessness before such riddles, riddles of -every day?" - -"Yes and therefore ... yes, next Saturday you shall hear another story, -and I think we shall approach the riddle a little more closely, i.e. we -shall find its insolubility more strongly proved." - -"I shall be glad to hear it. But why don't you have your stories -printed?" - -"Because I have been a doctor, and a woman's doctor. I have no right to -reveal what I have heard in my official capacity. Sometimes I should -like to be a writer with a prescriptive right to find material for his -art in men's lives and destinies; but that is a calling and a task -which is denied to me." - -"Very well; good night till next Saturday." - -When Saturday evening came round, the two old men sat in the corner -room with their toddy and tobacco and a large pile of manuscript on the -table. The postmaster looked a little nervously at it, as a child might -at a family book of sermons. - -"We can give two evenings to it," said the doctor soothingly. - -"Ah no! we have the whole evening before us and to-morrow is Sunday. -Fire ahead! We will have an interval for refreshments." - -The doctor began to read at six o'clock and had finished when it struck -eleven. - - - - -THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY - - -I - - -He had left his Christiania full of bitterness because a public -injustice had been done him. At forty years of age he had written the -best modern drama and had invented a new form of play with a new plot -which answered the expectations of the generation which was growing -up. But the older generation was still alive, and spectators, actors, -and critics felt that their ideals were leaving them in the lurch, and -that they themselves would be involved in their fall. If the public -taste took a new direction which they could not follow, they would -be regarded as superannuated, and be left behind. Accordingly his -masterpiece had been called idiotic and had been hissed off the stage, -and it had been suggested to him that he should return to America, -where he had already been and left his wife, from whom he was separated. - -But, instead of going to America, he went to Copenhagen. In the centre -of the city he set up a restaurant where he foregathered with Swedes -and Finns. After some months' delay he succeeded in getting his drama -performed at a Copenhagen theatre. It was decidedly successful and his -reputation was saved. He had felt that he had done with life, but now -he began to wake up and to look about him. But when he did enter into -life again, he did so with dull resignation and an almost fatalistic -spirit which found expression in his favourite motto: "Prepared for -everything!" - -His dramatic success resulted in his receiving social invitations. One -evening he went to a soiree at a distinguished author's, round whom -the younger stars in art and literature were accustomed to gather. -The supper was long and brilliant, but several unoccupied places were -waiting for guests who should arrive after the theatres had closed. At -half-past ten there was a stir in the company, for the expected guests -came--three ladies and three men all unknown to the Norwegian. But one -of the three ladies greeted him as an acquaintance and reached the -stranger her hand. Immediately afterwards he asked the hostess in a -whisper who it was. - -"Who is it? Miss X---- of course! You talked with her at Doctor E----'s -supper." - -"Really! It is strange that with my good memory I cannot recall her -appearance. One evening lately, in a well-lit theatre lobby, I passed -her without a greeting." - -"Of course you don't see that she is pretty." - -"Is she?" He leant forward to look at the young lady who had taken her -seat far down the table. "Yes she doesn't look bad." - -"Fie! Fie! She is a celebrated beauty of the best Copenhagen type." - -"Oh! Formerly I only admired blondes but latterly have confined my -admiration to brunettes." Then they talked of something else. After -supper the company gathered in the drawing-room and the beautiful -Dane and the Norwegian sat so close together that he put her cup down -for her. When she asked who would escort her home, he answered: "I of -course," and his escort was accepted. When at last the company broke -up, he and she found themselves in the same mysterious way so deep in -conversation that a group of ladies and gentlemen formed a circle round -them with a mischievous air to watch them. The pair, however, did not -observe this, but continued to talk. As they went down the steps they -heard a "good night!" and a ringing laugh overhead from the young and -charming hostess who was leaning over the balcony-railing. They went -along the shore, and past the bridges, continuing their conversation -without a pause. When they came to X---- Street she invited him to -supper the following evening to meet a young female artist. But she -prepared him to find her surroundings very simple, as she was staying -in a pension kept by a strict old lady. Then they parted as though they -had been old acquaintances and colleagues. - -As he walked home alone through the night, and tried to recall the -events of the evening to his mind, he noticed again the curious fact -that he could not remember her appearance. Yet as a former reporter, -he had been so accustomed to photograph people and scenes, landscapes -and interiors with his eye that he could not understand it. Moreover, -he observed that she was quite a different person this evening to -what she had been the first time they met. There was now no trace -of "independence" about her, only a mild yieldingness, a certain -melancholy, which became her well and aroused sympathy. When they -talked of the unfortunate fate of a certain person, there were tears -in her voice. It was the voice which he remembered more than anything -else about her--somewhat deep and melancholy with a slight accent -which carried one far away from the great town and awoke memories of -wood and sea, the sounds of nature, shepherds' huts, and hay-rakes. -He now recollected how they had really treated her like a child the -previous evening, had teased her about her writings, and asked her -for recommendations, at which she had only smiled. She also had the -unfortunate habit of letting fall naive expressions, which were really -seriously meant, but sometimes had a repellent effect. - -The only one who had taken her seriously was himself, the foreigner. -And he had seen that she was no child but a woman with whom he could -speak of men and books and all that interested him, without once having -to explain his remarks. - -When he awoke the next morning, he tried to call to his mind the events -and persons of the previous day. It was his habit, when he made a new -acquaintance, to seek in his memory for the "corresponding number," as -he called it, in order to get a clear idea of his character; i.e. he -thought which of his old friends most nearly resembled the person in -question. This psychical operation was often performed involuntarily, -i.e. when he tried to call up the image of his new acquaintance, the -figure of an old one rose up in his mind and more or less obliterated -the latter. When he now recalled his yesterday's memories of Miss -X---- he saw her with an elderly married cousin, to whom he had always -felt indifferent. This suppressed any sentimental feeling, if any -were present, and he only thought of her as a kindly woman-friend. -Accordingly, in the evening, he felt perfectly calm and without a -trace of that embarrassment which one sometimes feels in attempting -to make oneself agreeable to a young lady. He was received with -perfect frankness as an old acquaintance and led into a lady's boudoir -elegantly furnished with a well-appointed writing-table, flower-plants, -family portraits, carpets, and comfortable chairs. - -Since the lady painter had been prevented coming, he had to be content -with a _tête-à-tête_, and this somewhat jarred on his sense of -propriety. But his hostess's simple and unaffected manner caused him to -suppress some remarks which might have hurt her feelings. - -So they sat opposite each other and talked. Her black silk dress had -blue insets and was cut in the "empire style," with dark lace trimmings -which hung from her shoulders like a sleigh-net. This gave her a -somewhat matronly appearance, and when he noticed her tone like that -of an experienced woman of the world, he thought for a moment: "She is -divorced!" Her face, which he could now examine in full light, showed -a flat forehead which looked as though it had been hammered smooth and -betokened a determined will without obstinacy. The eyes were large and -well-defined as with Southerners. The nose seemed to have altered its -mind while growing, for it took a little bend in the middle and became -Roman by degrees. This little unexpected "joy-ful surprise" lent a -cameo-like charm to her profile. - -Their conversation was still more lively this evening, for they had -already amassed a small store of common experiences to discuss, -acquaintances to analyse, and ideas to test. They sat there and cut -out silhouettes of their friends, and as neither of them wished to -seem spiteful, they cut them in handsome shapes, and not with pointed -scissors. - -During this innocent interchange of thought, he had glanced at a -very large flower-basket full of splendid roses. She had divined -his thoughts, and just as a servant brought in a bottle of wine and -cigarettes, she got up and went towards the roses. - -("She is engaged!" he thought and felt himself superfluous.) - -"I was given these by a friend on his departure," she said. - -But in order to show that she was not engaged she broke off a stem -carelessly. It was fastened with wire, and she had to look for her -scissors. As these were in her work-basket on the lowest shelf of her -work-table, she knelt down and remained kneeling. She remained in that -attitude while she fastened two of the finest roses in his buttonhole, -and she only needed to stretch out an arm to reach a glass of wine and -drink to his health. - -"'Roses and wine!' I have used that as a refrain for a ballad," he -said. He thought the situation somewhat strange but insignificant in -itself. - -"Oh! do repeat the ballad!" - -He had forgotten it. - -She rose up and sat on her chair, and he persuaded her to tell him -something of her life. She had early left her parents, who lived -separated without being divorced, for they were Catholics. She had been -educated in convent-schools in London, Paris, Italy, and elsewhere. -In Paris especially, when with English ladies, she had been bothered -with religion, but had finally thrown it all overboard. She certainly -felt an emptiness without it, but expected, like everyone else, that -some new substitute was coming into the world. Meanwhile, like her -contemporaries, she devoted her energies to the deliverance of humanity -from pauperism and oppression. She had superficially studied Nietzsche -among others and laid him aside again after finding in him a slight -corrective to over-strained expectations of universal equality. - -While she was talking, he noticed that light fell through a curtain -behind her back, which screened a door apparently leading into the -interior of the house. Like lightning the thought struck him that -he might be the object of a joke, and was to be surprised in the -ridiculous position of a woman-worshipper. Or perhaps it was only -for propriety's sake that communication was kept open with the main -building. This wholesome doubt kept their conversation free from all -tincture of flirtation, and when supper was served he reproached -himself for having suspected his hostess of evil purposes or a want of -trust in him. - -About half-past eight he was about to go, but she only needed to -express a suspicion that he was longing for the café to make him -remain. About half-past nine o'clock he was going again but was kept -back. - -"But," he remonstrated, "it is my part as the elder and more prudent to -spare you any unpleasantness." - -She understood nothing, but declared that she was independent and that -the lady who kept the pension was accustomed to her suppers. - -At last his instinct told him that it was a mistake to stay longer; -he rose and took his leave. On his way home, he said to himself, "No, -people are not so simple, and cannot be labelled by formulas, for I -don't comprehend an atom of this evening or of this woman." - -The next time they met it was in a museum. Her outer dress made her -look like a young married woman of thirty or more. Her mouth had a -tired expression and had fine little wrinkles near it, as is the -case with those who laugh often. But she was melancholy, hinted at -having had a breach with her father, and spoke of taking her departure -shortly. She inquired regarding her friend's relations to theatres and -publishers, and offered to help him with advice and influence. To-day -she was mere motherly tenderness, and a certain carelessness in her -toilet suggested that she did not want to please as a woman. - -But when she proposed that they should go to the theatre together he -declined, from a feeling that he ought not to compromise her, nor -expose himself to danger, for his precarious pecuniary position did not -permit him to think of a love affair. - -He proposed to her instead that they should go for a stroll together, -and she suggested that he should escort her from her new lodging, for -she had changed her rooms. - -("They have given her notice at the pension, because of me," he -thought, but said nothing.) - -By this time his curiosity as an author was aroused, and he wished to -learn the riddle of this woman, for he had never seen any other change -their appearance as she did. - -When in the evening he rang at her door, he was shown into a side room -and asked to wait. When she was dressed he was let out into the front -hall, where they met. This, then, was a new order of things. - -They went westward by an empty street which led to the Zoological -Gardens, and entered a restaurant which she seemed to know well. In her -fur jacket and with a kerchief on her head she looked in the dark like -an old woman, and as she stooped somewhat, she seemed to have something -witchlike about her. But when they entered the well-lit restaurant, -and she laid aside kerchief and jacket she stood revealed all at once -in her youthful beauty. A moss-green, tightly fitting dress showed -the figure of a girl of eighteen, and with her hair brushed smooth, -she looked like an overgrown schoolgirl. He could not conceal his -astonishment at this witchery, and looked her all over as though he -were seeking a concealed enemy with a searchlight. ("Eros! Now I am -lost!" he thought. And from that moment he was indeed.) - -She saw quite well the effect she had produced, and seemed to glisten -there in a sort of phosphorescent light, sure of victory, with a -triumphant expression round her mouth, for she saw that he was -conquered. He felt a sudden fear. She had his soul in her pocket, and -could cast it into the river or into the gutter; therefore he hated -her at the same time. He saw that his only chance of safety lay in -awakening a reciprocal flame in her, so that she might be as closely -bound to him as he was to her. With this half-conscious purpose, he -did what every man in his place would have done--insinuated himself -into her confidence, made himself as little as a child and aroused her -sympathy, the sympathy of a woman for a lacerated and damned soul which -has no more hope of happiness. She listened to him and received his -confidence as a tribute, with calm majestic motherliness, without a -trace of coquetry or pleasure at hearing of another's misfortune. - -When at last, after eating a cold supper, they were about to go, he -rose to look up a train in a railway guide. When he returned to the -table and wished to pay the bill, the waiter informed him that it -had already been paid by the lady! Then he flared up, and wrongly -suspecting that she thought he had no money, demanded that at any rate -he should pay for himself. - -"I don't know the customs of your country," he said, "but in mine a man -who lets a lady pay for him is dishonoured." - -"You were my guest," she answered. - -"No, we went out together, and we cannot come here again. Don't you -know what kind of a reputation you will give me, and by what a hateful -name this waiter may call me?" - -When he recalled the waiter to make good the mistake, there was another -scene, so that he rose angrily and laid his share on the table. She was -sad, but would not acknowledge herself in the wrong. They were both out -of humour, and he noticed that she was thoughtless, just as thoughtless -as when she invited a gentleman alone to her room so late in the -evening. Or was it an expression of feminine independence demanding -to be treated exactly like a man in spite of propriety and prejudice? -Perhaps it was the latter, but he fell it to be a piece of presumption, -and was angry. There threatened to be an uncomfortable silence between -them as they walked home, but she put out her hand and said in a kind, -confidential voice: "Don't be cross." - -"No I am not that, but, but ... never do it again." - -They parted as friends, and he hurried to the café. He had not been -there for a long time, partly through a certain dislike to the tone -prevailing there, which no longer harmonised with his present mood, -and partly because he had promised his friend to be moderate. He found -the usual company, but felt somewhat out of place, and made a clear -resolve never to bring her there. Accordingly, he soon went home and -sank in meditations which were partly gloomy and partly bright. When -he recollected the moment of emergence of the youthful beauty from -the fur skin of the animal there seemed to him something weird and -ominous about it. It was not the youthful beauty which is clothed in -reflections from a paradise of innocence, but a dark, demoniac beauty -which becomes a man's death, the grave of his virile will, and which -leads to humiliation, ruin, and disgraceful bargaining. But it is as -inevitable and unescapable as Fate. - -The next day he was invited, together with her, to dinner at an art -professor's. She then appeared in a new character, talking like a woman -of the world in a confident tone, firing off smart sayings and epigrams -and never at a loss for an answer. At intervals she seemed indifferent, -blase, and cruel. - -The professor, who had just been sitting on a jury, told us that he had -joined in giving a verdict of guilty against a child murderess. - -"I should have acquitted her," said Miss X----. The professor, who -belonged to the Danish Academy and had the entree to the Court, was -astonished, but did not argue with her. He construed her answer as a -burst of caprice and let the matter drop. The conversation at table was -somewhat forced. The Norwegian, who had been invited by the lady of the -house, did not feel at ease in this circle where everything revolved -round the Court. Probably his friend had arranged this invitation with -the kind intention of making him known and of investing him, who had -the reputation of being half an anarchist, with an air of gentility. -The discord was felt when the talk turned upon Art, and the professor -was in a minority of one with his opinions and academic ideals. - -Therefore, when at dessert time his hostess asked the Norwegian whether -he would come to one of her receptions, where he would have the -opportunity of meeting many celebrities, she received such a sharp look -from her husband, that the Norwegian declined the invitation decidedly. -Just then the Scandinavians were in ill favour in the higher circles of -society because a Norwegian artist by his new style of painting had -caused a schism in the Academy. - -Again he had let himself be enticed by his friend's thoughtlessness. -She had brought him into a circle to which he did not belong and in -which he was not welcome. On the other hand she seemed to notice -nothing of it, but was as much at home and at her ease as before. - -After dinner there was music. The young beauty behaved as though her -friend was not there and never looked at him at all. When the party -broke up, she took leave of him as though of a stranger, and let -herself be escorted home by someone else. - - - -II - - -It was a Sunday afternoon in February. They were walking in one of the -outer streets of the city towards the west, where they were sure to -meet no acquaintances. Finally they entered a restaurant which lay off -the road. She spoke of her approaching departure, and he said he would -miss her society. - -"Come along too," she said simply and openly. - -"Yes," he answered, "it is really all the same to me where I stay." - -That was an idea which seemed to drive away certain clouds. She now -began to speak of Berlin, the theatrical prospects there, and so on. - -"But," he objected, "it would be too far from my children." - -"Your children! Yes, I have often thought of them. Have you their -portraits with you? Do let me see them!" - -He really had the portraits with him, and as she repeated her wish, -he showed them. The two girls did not interest her much but she was -delighted at the eight-year-old fair boy with the upturned look. "What -a lovely child's face! Isn't it a happiness to have such a child!" - -"To have it to-day, and lose to-morrow!" he replied. - -She now examined the photograph more exactly and began to compare it -with the father somewhat too closely. He began to feel some of that -shyness which a man feels before a woman when she assumes this rôle. - -"It is you," she said, "and not you also." - -He asked for no explanation, and she requested that she might keep the -portrait by her. - -They resumed the discussion of the proposed journey, but she was -absent-minded and often let her looks rest on the photograph. - -He could not guess what was in her mind but he noticed that there -was a struggle of some kind and that she was on the point of forming -a resolution. He felt how a network of fine sucker-like tendrils -spread from her being and wove itself into his. Something fateful was -impending. He felt depressed, longed for the circle of male friends -whom he had abandoned, and asked her to release him from his promise -not to go any more to the café. - -"Are you longing to go down _there_ again?" she said in a motherly -voice. "Think of your little son!" - -They went out silent in the dark but starlit evening. He had for the -first time offered her his arm and the cape of his coat flapped loose -in the wind and struck her face. "I have already dreamt this once," she -said. But he gave no answer. - -When they came to her door, she took him by both hands, looked him in -the eyes and said: "Don't go to your friends." Then she let her veil -drop, and before he divined her intention, printed a kiss through the -veil on his mouth. As he stretched out his arms to embrace her, she -was already behind the door, and closed it. He stood there completely -crestfallen without being able to understand how it had happened. -Then came the conclusion: "She loves me and has not been playing with -me." But what audacity! It is true she let her veil fall, for she was -modest, and fled, alarmed at what she had done. It was original, but -not bold-faced; other countries, other manners! - -But for a man it was somewhat humiliating to receive the first sign of -love and not to bestow it. Yet he would never have dared to run the -risk of a possible box on the ears and a scornful laugh. It was well -that it had happened; now he had certainty, and that was enough. - -She loved him! Since he was loved, he could say to himself: "I am not -so bad after all if someone can look up to me and believe good of me." -This awoke his self-respect, hope, and confidence. He felt himself -young again, and was ready to begin a new spring. It was true that -he had only shown her his good side, but his habit of suppressing -his worse nature for the occasion had brought his better nature into -prominence. This was the secret of the ennobling influence of real -love. He played the part of the magnanimous till it became a second -nature. The fact that he discovered her beauty, and was delighted with -her as a woman later on was a further guarantee that the stages of -their love affair had developed themselves in orderly progression, and -that he had not been merely captivated by a beautiful exterior. He had -indeed guessed her defects and overlooked them, for that is the duty of -love, and the chief proof of its genuineness, for without forbearance -with faults there is no love. He went home and wrote the inevitable -letter. It ended with the words: "Now the man lays his head in your lap -as a sign that the good in you overcomes the evil in him, but do not -misuse your power, for then you must expect the usual fate of tyrants." - -The next morning he sent off the letter by a messenger. Ilmarinen his -Finnish friend stood by the head of his bed and looked mysterious. -"Well!" he said. "Are you going to try once more?" - -"Yes, so it appears." - -"And you dare to?" - -"If it comes to the worst, I only dare to be unhappy, and one is -unhappy anyhow." - -"Yes, yes." - -"It is a change at any rate, and this lonely life is no life." - -Instead of an answer to his letter he received a telegram with a -request to meet her that evening at the office of an editor who might -be useful to them. - -In answer to this he sent a message by telegram: "I don't come till I -have received an answer to my letter." - -Again came a telegram, in which she asked to be allowed to postpone her -answer till the next day. - -He thought the whole affair nonsensical but went to keep the -appointment. She seemed as though nothing had happened; they ate their -supper and discussed business. The editor was a married man, and -pleasant, nor did he seem to wish his visitors to worship him. - -This evening, however, the Norwegian thought her ugly. She was -carelessly dressed, had ink on her fingers, and she talked so -exclusively of business that she lost all her ideal aspect. He had -experienced much in his life, and seen many strange people, but anyone -so eccentric as this woman he had never seen. He went home with a -feeling of relief, firmly resolved not to follow her to Berlin, nor to -link his destiny any closer with hers. The next morning he received her -letter; this strengthened him still further in his resolve to withdraw. -She wrote that she was one of those women who cannot love. ("What sort -of a woman is that? A mere phrase!" he thought.) He believed that he -loved her but he was only in love with her love. ("Alexandre Dumas I -think!") She still desired, however, to remain his friend and asked him -to meet her that day. - -He answered this with a farewell letter of thanks. - -Then there rained on him telegrams and express messengers. - -Towards evening a hotel waiter entered his room and announced that a -lady in a carriage was waiting below to see him. At first he thought of -declining to go down, but she might come to his room, and then the bond -would be made fast. Accordingly he went down, entered the carriage, -and without reflection or saying anything they gave each other a kiss, -which seemed perfectly natural. There ensued a stormy conversation -which was extremely like a quarrel. She asked that he should accompany -her that very night on her journey, but he gave a decided refusal. If -they were seen together, to-morrow the "elopement" would be in all the -newspapers. That he could not bring his conscience to agree to, both on -account of her parents and his own children. He also told her that he -was dependent on other people's help, and that as soon as he was known -as an adventurer all these resources would dry up. - -"Then you don't love me!" - -"What nonsense you talk, child." - -He had to laugh at her. They got out of the cab and continued their -contest in a little green lane which led down to the shore. - -Now and then he put his arm round her neck and silenced her mouth with -a kiss. - -"I have seen that you are cracked, but I myself am half-mad, you see, -and you won't get the better of me." - -"I will jump into the sea!" she shrieked. - -"Very well! I will follow, and can swim." - -At last he got her to laugh. Then they entered a café in order to -arrive at a final decision. Now he had the upper hand and treated her -like a naughty girl, and curiously enough, as soon as he had assigned -this rôle to her, she took it up and maintained it. - -Did these two love each other now? Yes, certainly, for he knew how tied -he was, and she had already, as appeared later on, confessed her love -in a letter to her mother, adding that he was to know nothing of it, -for then she would immediately be brought under the yoke of subjection. - -The final decision they arrived at was that she should travel alone, -and they made no promises to each other. They were to correspond -and see whether they would be able to meet in the summer; when his -position was more secure they would think of betrothal and marriage. - -They parted, and did not see each other again for a long time. - -He went immediately afterwards to look up his old friends in the café. -There in his own circle he wished to find himself again, for during -this month's exclusive living with a woman, he had become loosed from -his own environment, lost his foothold, and built up a common life -on the shaky foundation of the temperament of a young girl, whom his -passion had transformed into a mature woman. Her last outbreak of anger -had revealed a fury who believed that she could compel him to blind -obedience. During this her face had exhibited all possible changes from -the broad grin of Punch to the hissing of the cat which shows its white -claws. He breathed more lightly, experienced a sensation of relief, and -entered the café feeling as though he had left something oppressive -behind him, something happily over and done with! - -The Swede sat there, and probably the gossip regarding the Norwegian's -engagement had caused him to bring his lady friend with him. She was -a tall fragile-looking Swede who seemed to be emaciated by illness; -she had a mournful, despairing sort of voice, a drawling accent and -drooping eyes. As an artist, although obscure she was "emancipated" as -the phrase is, but not free from the feminine vanity of being able to -appear with a number of male hangers-on, whom she boasted of having -made conquests of. Her thoughts had long turned upon the Norwegian. -When they met, she found him novel and full of surprises. At the same -time he brought with him the fire of his newly kindled flame. Within -half an hour she had neither eyes nor ears for her old friend. When at -last she snapped at him, he stood up and asked her to come with him. -"You can go," she answered. And he went. - -In less than an hour she had broken with her friend of many years and -formed a tie with the Norwegian who an hour and a half before had -kissed his fiancée at parting. He asked himself how that was possible, -but took no time to reflect on it. She possessed the advantage of -being able to understand him completely; he was able to speak out his -thoughts after a long imprisonment; he needed only to give a hint -in order to be understood. She drank in the eloquence of his words, -seemed to follow the sudden leaps of his thought, and probably received -answers to many questions which had long occupied her mind. But she -was ugly and ill-dressed, and he sometimes felt ashamed at the thought -that he might be suspected of being her admirer. Then he felt an -unspeakable sympathy with her which she interpreted to mean that she -had made a conquest of him. - -They went out into the town and wandered from café to café, continually -talking. Sometimes his conscience pricked him, sometimes he felt -a repulsion to her, because she had been faithless to her friend. -Faithlessness indeed was the link which united them, and they felt -as if Destiny had driven them to commit the same wrong on the same -evening. She had at once inquired about his engagement and he had at -first given an evasive answer; but as she had continued to ask with -comrade-like sympathy he had told her the whole story. But in doing -so he spoke of his love, he became enthusiastic; she warmed herself -at the glow and seemed to be a reflection of "the other." So the two -images coincided, and the absent maiden, who should have been a barrier -between them, was the one who brought them near each other. - -The next day they met again, and she never seemed tired of discussing -his engagement. She was in a critical mood and began to express -doubts whether he would be happy. But she went carefully to work, -showed indulgence, and only attempted purely objective psychological -analysis. She also understood how to withdraw a severe expression at -the right time in order not to frighten him away. - -Now as ill-luck would have it, he received at noon a letter from his -fiancée which was the answer to the stormy one he had written when they -parted. In her letter she only wrote of business matters, gave good -advice in a superior tone, in a word was pedantic and narrow-minded. -Not a trace of the pretty young girl was to be found in the letter. -This put him out of humour and aroused his disgust to such a degree -that when he met his new friend, with a ruthless joy in destruction he -proceeded to analyse his fiancée under the microscope. The Swede was -not backward with her feminine knowledge of feminine secrets to put the -worst interpretation on all the details which he narrated. He had cast -his lamb to the she-wolf, who tore the prey asunder while he looked on. - -At the beginning of April, that is three weeks later, the Norwegian -sat in the café one afternoon with Lais, as she was called, after she -had become the friend of the company in general, not of anyone in -particular. He sat there with a resigned air, "prepared for everything" -as usual. It had been difficult to keep his engagement alive by means -of the post, and it had become still more uncertain after the news had -reached her father's ears and brought him to despair. He was a Minister -of State, lived at Odense, went to Court when he was in the capital, -and wore twelve orders. He would rather shoot himself than be the -father-in-law of a notorious nihilist. In order to put an end to the -affair the old man had dictated his conditions, which were of course -impossible. - -The Norwegian must pay all his debts and give a guarantee that he -would have a regular and sufficient income. Since a writer of plays -has nothing guaranteed, but is dependent on popular favour, the wooer -considered his proposal withdrawn, and regarded himself as unfettered, -and indeed he was so. Moreover, thus humiliating correspondence about -pecuniary matters had cooled his devotion, for love letters which were -full of figures and motherly advice, practical items of information -about publishers and so on, were not inspiring to read for a literary -free-lance. And as the correspondence slackened, and finally ceased, he -considered himself entirely free. - -With her usual vanity, Lais had ascribed to herself the honour of -having dissolved his engagement, although there was no reason for her -doing so. Moreover, in the last few days a circumstance had happened -which was fortunate for his future. Another friend of Lais had -arrived from the north, and as he was one of her admirers she had such -assiduous court paid to her that she did not notice how the Norwegian -was slackening in his attentions. - -In order to celebrate the arrival of the newcomer, the last few -days had been a continual feast, and now they were in that strange -condition, when the soul is, so to speak, loosed from its bearings and -utters its thoughts without distinction and without regard. - -Lais was possessed by the not unusual idea that she was irresistible, -and liked to produce the impression that all her male friends, even -those who had dropped her, were dismissed admirers. Now she wished -to show her newly arrived friend how well she was provided with them -and began to skirmish with the Norwegian. Since he had long cherished -towards her the hate which is born of imprudently bestowed confidences, -he seized the opportunity to bring about the breach without scandal, -in a word to dispose of her without disgrace to either of them. Under -some pretext, or perhaps with a foreboding that something was about to -happen, he took his leave and left the other two together. But Lais -pressed him to remain, probably to gain an opportunity of leaving him -alone, when she went out with her friend. Here, however, she had made -a miscalculation. Making a gesture of invitation to the new-comer, the -Norwegian went out after saying the last word: "Now I leave you alone!" - -When he came out on the street, he had a certain uneasy suspicion -that he had left something unfinished behind him, and had something -unexpected before him. He thought he heard the hissing voice of the -woman he had left. She never opened her lips, which were sharply -defined, like those of a snake, when she spoke, but brought the words -straight out of her throat, which was always hoarse through her sitting -up at night drinking and smoking. Such a voice in women he called a -"porter voice" because it always reminded him of that black drink and -its concomitants. - -Such is friendship with women--either it ends in love or in hatred just -like love! - -When he came to his hotel, the waiter handed him a local telegram. -"That is what brought me home," he said to himself. His experiences had -made him believe in telepathy to such a degree that he was in the habit -of saying when in company and there was talk of sending for some absent -person: "Shall we telepath to him?" - -Before he opened the telegram he believed he knew the contents, and -when he had read, he felt as though he had done so before, and was not -surprised. The telegram ran thus: "I am here; look me up at Doctor -----'s. Important news." - -He stood still for two minutes in order to form a resolution. When the -waiter came he asked him to telephone to the friendly doctor, who had -a private hospital of his own and enjoyed a very good reputation. The -doctor came at once and explained the situation: "Are you thinking of -drawing back?" he asked. - -"No, but I must collect myself, and sleep for twelve hours, for my -nerves are out of control. I will send a telegram to say that I am -not well. She will not believe that, but will come herself; I beg you -therefore to wait for half an hour." - -The telegram went off, and in half an hour steps were heard along the -corridor. She entered, dressed in black and at first full of suspicion. -But to be able to consult with the doctor gave her an advantage which -pleased her. She said she would come next morning together, with the -doctor, and then she went, after secretly imprinting a kiss on the -patient's hand. - -"You must not play with your feelings," said the doctor who remained -behind. "This woman loves you and you love her. That is as plain as a -pikestaff." - -The Norwegian lay alone all the evening and sought to find some guiding -thread through all this chaos, but in vain. What a tangled thicket -was the human soul! How could one bring it into order? It passed from -hate to contempt over esteem and reverence and then back again with -one bound sideways and two forwards. Good and evil, sublime and mean, -uniting treachery with deathless love, kisses and blows, insulting -reproaches and boundless admiration. Since he knew the human soul he -had adopted it as one of his fundamental principles never to balance -accounts, never to go backwards, but always forwards. When in the -beginning of their acquaintance she had wished to refer to something -which he had said on a previous occasion he interrupted her: "Never -look back! Only go forwards! One talks a lot of nonsense on the spur of -the moment. I have no views but only speak impromptu, and life would be -very monotonous if one thought and said the same things every day. It -should be something new! Life is only a poem, and it is much jollier -to float over the marsh than to stick one's feet in it and to feel for -firm ground which is not there." - -This must have suited her own ideas of life, for she was immediately -ready to adopt this rôle. Therefore they found each other always novel, -and always full of surprises. They could not take each other too -seriously, and often when one of them attacked his or her own discarded -views with the other's opinions of the day before, they were obliged to -laugh at their own foolishness. Thus they were never clear about each -other, and in really serious moments they would exclaim simultaneously: -"Who are you? What are you really?" and neither of them could answer. - -As he was on the point of falling asleep, he thought, "I shall make no -resolve, for I have never seen a resolve lead to anything. The course -of events may guide my destiny as it has done hitherto." - -The next morning she came without waiting for the doctor. She had put -on a wise air, as if she understood the illness thoroughly but did not -wish to descend to trifles. She took a rod out of a basket she had -brought with her. - -"What is that?" - -"That is 'the Easter rod'; to-day is Good Friday." She set up the rod -at his feet, and adorned the edge of the bed with willow-branches in -bloom. Like a little housewife she bustled about the room, surveying -and putting it in order. Finally she sat down in an easy chair. - -"Well! What is the great news?" he asked. - -"We must enter on an engagement, for the papers have announced it." - -"Have they, indeed? What about the old man?" - -"Father has resigned himself, because the matter cannot be altered; but -he is not happy. Now won't you congratulate me?" - -"You should congratulate me first, for I am the elder." - -"And the less intelligent." - -"I have the honour to congratulate you. And what a man you have got!" - -So they chatted, and soon came to the subject of their prospects. He -dictated and she wrote. Such and such plays of his accepted for the -stage.... That would be a thousand pounds. - -"Discount thirty per cent for disappointments," she said. - -"Thirty! I also reckon ninety or a hundred per cent." - -"Be sober! It is serious." And then they laughed. - -Divine frivolity! To look down on the ugly earnestness of life as if -all one had to do was to blow at it. The poet's light-hearted way of -treating economy like poetry. - -"How could one bear the miseries of life, if one did not treat them as -unrealities? If I took it seriously, I should have to weep the whole -day, and I don't want to do that." - -Dinner-time came; she laid the sofa-table, fed him, and was especially -sparing with the wine. - -"You have drunk enough now, and you must promise never to go to the -café again, especially with Thais." - -"Lais," he corrected her, but coloured. "You know that then?" - -"A woman of twenty-three knows everything." - -Glad to avoid a troublesome confession, he promised never to visit -the café again and kept his word, for that was the only penance he -could offer for his sorry behaviour. Thus they were engaged. His only -social intercourse consisted in her company, while she continued to -go to families which she knew, to visit theatres, and so on, for this -belonged to her work as a newspaper correspondent. In case of an -eventual struggle for power, she had all the advantages on her side, as -she moved in an environment from which she derived moral support and -fresh impulses, while he was thrown back on himself and his previous -observations. They lived really like playfellows, for he never read -what she wrote in the newspapers, while she had read all his writings -but never referred to them. There was no consciousness shown on either -side that he was a mature and well-known author and she a young critic -of books and plays. They met simply as man and woman, and as her future -husband he had placed himself on the same level with her, not above her. - -Sometimes while they were together, he felt a prisoner, isolated and -in her power. If he were to break with her now he would stand alone -in the world, for he had got quite out of touch with his old friends -and come to dislike the life of the café. Moreover, he felt so grown -together with this woman, that he thought he would pine away if parted -from her. In spite of her love she could not hide the fact that she -thought she had him absolutely in her power, and sometimes she let him -feel it. But then he raged like a lion in a cage, went out and sought -his old friends, though he noticed he did not thrive among them and his -conscience pricked him for his faithlessness. She sulked for half a -day, then crept up to him, fell on her knees and was pardoned. - -"At bottom," he said once, "we hate each other because we love each -other. We fear to lose our individualities through the assimilating -force of love, and therefore we must sometimes have a breach in order -to feel that I am not you, and you are not I." - -She agreed, but it was no remedy against the spirit of revolt, the -struggle of the ego for self-justification. She loved him as a woman -loves a man, for she thought him handsome, although he was ugly. He, -for his part, demanded neither respect nor admiration but only a -measure of trust, and a friendly demeanour. She was generally sparkling -and cheerful, playful, without being teasing, yielding and gracious. - -Once when he reflected over the various types of woman he had observed -in her during the beginning of their acquaintance, he could scarcely -understand how she had been able to play so many different parts. -The literary independent lady with Madame de Staël's open mouth and -loquacious tongue had entirely disappeared; the grand, pretentious -woman of the world and the _fin-de-siècle_ lady with morbid paradoxes -were also both obliterated. She saw how unpretentious he was and she -became like him. - -April came and it was high spring-time. At the same time his prospects -had brightened; some of his plays had been accepted; a novel sold for a -considerable sum; and one of his dramas was acted in Paris. An untrue -report was spread that the engaged pair had gone off together. Her -parents in Odense were disturbed and urged on the marriage. - -"Will you marry now?" she asked. - -"Certainly I will," was his reply. - -So the matter was settled! But then came difficulties. She was a -Catholic and could not marry a divorced man as long as his first wife -lived. In order to circumvent this difficulty he devised the plan of -being married in England. And so it was settled. Her sister came as -a witness to the ceremony. She was married to a famous artist, was -herself an authoress, and therefore understood how to value talent, -even when unaccompanied with earthly goods. - -Thus they began their wedding journey. - - - -III - - -It was a May morning on an island off the English coast. He had gone -with her to the extreme end of a promontory where the cliff descends -sheer into the sea. He wished to ask her something privately but did -not dare to; therefore they stood there silently staring into the blue -emptiness, seeking an object where there was none. - -They had stayed there six days without being able to marry because -through carelessness the notice of his divorce had not been published -till some months after he had obtained a decree. Accordingly it bore -so late a date that the time allowed for challenging it had not yet -elapsed. He had exchanged telegrams with the authorities; confusion and -misunderstanding caused further delay, and his fiancée's sister became -impatient. - -"Do you trust me?" he asked her. - -"Yes, I believe in your honesty, but you are an unlucky creature." - -"And your sister?" - -"What is she to believe? She does not know you. She only knows that -your assurances that the documents were valid, were incorrect." - -"She is right, but it is not my fault. What does she mean to do?" - -"She returns to-morrow, and I must go with her." - -"So then we shall be parted before we are married, and I return to life -in hotels, restaurants, and night cafés." - -"No, not that," and after a pause she added: "Let us jump into the -sea." - -He put his arm round her: "Have you ever seen a destiny like mine? -Wherever I go, I bring unhappiness and destruction with me. Think! Your -parents!" - -"Don't talk so! With patience we shall also get out of this." - -"Yes, in order to fall into something else." - -"Come! shall I blow at it?" And she blew the cloud away. There was an -outbreak of divine frivolity again and they raced home through the -fortifications and over the mines. - -In the evening the decisive telegram came, and the wedding was fixed -for the next day. It took place at first at the registry office. While -the oaths were being taken the bride fell into hysterical laughter -which nearly rendered the whole ceremony abortive, since the registrar -did not know what to make of a scene which resembled one in a lunatic -asylum. - -It was not a brilliant wedding-party which assembled in the evening -in the clergyman's house. Besides the bride's sister, four strangers ---pilots--were present as witnesses when they plighted their troth -"before God." - - * * * * * - -Fourteen days of May had passed. Both were sitting outside the -comfortable little house and watching how the migratory birds rested in -the garden before continuing their journey north-ward. - -"So quiet?" - -"How long?" - -"Eight days more. But I had not thought that marriage was such a -splendid arrangement." - -"Although they call me a woman-hater," he said, "I have always loved -woman, and although they call me a friend of immorality, I have always -held by marriage." - -"Can you imagine yourself leading a lonely life after this?" - -"No, the thought chokes me." - -"Do you know I am so happy that I am afraid?" - -"Yes, so am I. I feel as if someone were lying and spying on us. She is -called Nemesis, and follows not only guilty but also happy men." - -"What are you most afraid of?" - -"That we should part." - -"But that depends on us, I suppose." - -"Would that it did! But discord comes from without with the wind, -with the dew, with too long-continued sunshine, with the rain. Try to -explain which of us two was to blame for our last quarrel." - -"Neither!" - -"Neither of us two, then it was a third. Who is this third? In order -to give it a name people call it 'misunderstanding'; but both of our -understandings were completely clear, not disturbed at all." - -"Don't frighten me." - -"No, but be sure that the same event will happen again and that we -shall blame each other as on the last occasion." - -"Shall we not go and write now?" she broke in. - -"I cannot write." - -"Nor can I; my editor is angry because he has had no article from me -for two months." - -"And I have not had a single new idea for a whole year. What will be -the end of it?" - -The fact was that they had neutralised each other, so that there was no -more reaction on either side. Their life together now consisted of a -comfortable silence. The need to be near each other was so great that -one could not leave the room without the other following. They tried to -shut themselves in their rooms in order to work, but after a short time -one would knock at the other's door. - -"Do you know, all this is very fine, but I am becoming an idiot?" she -complained. - -"You also?" - -"I can neither read, think, nor write any more, and can hardly speak." - -"It is too much happiness, and we must seek some society, or we shall -both become silly." - -The fact was that they had both ceased to converse; they were -apparently so harmonious in all questions and predilections and -knew each other's opinions so well that there was no further need -to exchange thoughts. The same tastes, the same habits, the same -naughtinesses, the same superficial scepticism had brought them -together, and now they were welded into one like two pieces of the same -metal. Each had lost individuality and they were one. But the memory -of independence and one's own personality was still present, and a war -of liberation was impending. The sense of personal self-preservation -awoke, and when each wished to resume their own share, there was a -strife about the pieces. - -"Why don't you write?" he asked. - -"I have tried, but it is always you and about you." - -"Whether it is I, or someone else, it all comes to the same thing." - -"You mean I have no self?" - -"You are too young to have a self." - -He had better have left that unsaid, for by saying it, he woke her. - - * * * * * - -One morning there came a paper containing a notice to the effect that a -volume of his poems had appeared with a London publisher. - -"Shall we go to London?" she suggested. - -"Yes, gladly, though I don't believe these notices which I have read -so often. Anyhow, as a business journey, it can be made to pay its own -expenses." - -The resolve was carried out. They saw the little island[1] disappear -with the same joy with which they had before seen it rise out of the -mist. - -In Dover they had to stay one day at an hotel. As he returned from a -walk, he found his wife sealing up six packets, all of the same shape -and size. - -"What are you doing?" he asked. - -"It is the account of your American journey, which I am sending to some -papers I know in Denmark." - -"But you should not cut it up into sections; you know that it forms a -complete whole. Have you read it?" - -"No, I have only glanced through it; but at any rate it will bring in -some money." - -"No, it will not; for no one will print it piecemeal. Only in a single -volume would it have any value." - -She paid no attention. "Come now," she said commandingly; "we will go -to the post." - -She meant well, but was foolish; and although experience had taught him -what a dangerous adviser she was, he let her have her way, and followed. - -On the stairs, he noticed that she limped, for she had bought too tight -boots with high heels, such as were then only worn by cocottes. - -When they reached the street, she hurried on to the post, and he -followed. As he noticed how the symmetry of her little figure was -impaired by the many packages which she insisted on carrying, and how -she limped on the boot heel which she had trodden down, he was seized -with a sort of repulsion. - -It was the first time that he viewed her from behind, and he thought -involuntarily of the wood-nymph of legend, who in front was a charming -fairy, but behind quite hollow. - -The next moment he felt a remorseful horror at himself and his -thoughts. In this cruel heat the little woman was carrying the heavy -load, and had already written six long letters to editors all for his -sake. And she limped! But her brutal way of treating his work and -cutting a manuscript to pieces without having read it; treating a -literary work as a butcher does a carcass!... - -Again he felt repulsion, and again remorse, mixed with that -indescribable pain which a man feels when he sees his beloved ugly, -badly dressed, pitiful, or ridiculous. People in the street looked -after her, especially when the wind blew out her thin serge mantle, -which resembled a morning coat; it swelled out like a balloon and -spoilt her fine figure. He hurried forward to take the packets from -her; but she only waved him off, and hastened on, cheerful and -undismayed. - -When she came out of the post office, she wanted to go and buy larger -boots. He followed. Since the purchase of them would occupy half an -hour, she told him to wait outside. When at last she came out, she -walked quite comfortably for a time, but then discovered that the new -boots also were too tight. - -"What do you think of a shoemaker like that?" she said. - -"But _he_ did not make the boots too tight for you! There were larger -ones also." - -That was a dangerous commencement of the conversation, and as they -sat down at a table in a café, the silence was uncomfortable. They -sat opposite each other and had to look one another in the eyes; they -sought to avoid doing so, but could not, and when they were obliged to -look at each other, they turned away. - -"You would like now to be in Copenhagen with your friends," she said. -It was a good guess. But even if he could have transported himself -thither for a second, he would have wished himself back again at once. - -Her nervousness increased, and her eyes began to sparkle, but since she -was intelligent, she understood that neither of them was to blame. - -"Go for a walk," she said; "we must be away from each other for a -while, and then you will see it will be better." - -He quite agreed with her, and they parted without any bitterness. - -As he walked along by the side of the harbour, he felt his nerves -become settled and quiet. He became once more conscious of himself as -a separate and independent being; he no longer gave out emanations but -concentrated himself; he was once more an individual in his own skin. -How well he knew these symptoms, which signified nothing, but which -in spite of all attempts to explain them, persisted as a constant -phenomenon. - -Meanwhile, since he felt a positive satisfaction in her absence, the -thought stole into his mind that perpetual freedom from her would -be attended by yet greater satisfaction, and as he approached the -steam-boat pier the thought passed through his mind like a flash of -lightning: "If I go off now, I shall be in Copenhagen in two days." - -He sat down, ordered a glass of beer, lighted a cigar, and considered. - -"If I go to London," he thought, "she will get the upper hand, because -she can speak the language. I shall be led about by her like a deaf -and dumb man and shall have to sit like an idiot among my literary -friends whom she will get under her thumb. A pleasant prospect! Being -patronised by her in the Danish newspapers was already sufficiently -humiliating. I incurred an obligation to her...." - -But in the midst of his meditations he broke off, for he knew that no -character could stand such close and critical analysis. He knew also -that no one could endure being gazed at from behind and judged in -absence. Then a feeling of loneliness came over him and a consciousness -of being faithless and ungrateful. He was drawn back to her, stood up -and went quickly to the hotel. When he entered in an elevated mood -and not without sentimental feelings he was greeted by a laugh, -long-lasting and cheerful like the song of the grasshoppers. Dressed in -silk she lay there, coiled up like an Angora cat, eating sweetmeats, -and smelling of perfume. - -Then they laughed both together, as though they had seen something -comic in the street, which had nothing to do with them. - - * * * * * - -Now they were in Pimlico, between Westminster and Chelsea. They had -paid one visit and that was all. Everyone was away, all the theatres -were shut, and a perfectly tropical heat prevailed. One's soul felt -as if it would gladly shake off its fleshly husk in order to seek for -coolness up in the air. From morning to evening one felt only half -alive. - -The pressure of need had forced him unwillingly to set to work and -write. But as he had already utilised most of his experiences, he was -obliged to make use of some material which should, properly speaking, -not have been employed. However, he did violence to himself, overcame -his scruples, and began. - -"Now I am writing," he told her triumphantly, "we are saved!" - -His wife came and saw how he had filled the first sheet with letters. -After an hour she came again. He was lying on the sofa lamenting: "I -can do nothing! Let us then perish!" - -She left the room without saying a word, and when she had shut the -door, he bolted it. Then he took out of his portmanteau a green linen -bag containing a quantity of sheets of paper covered with dates. -These had been often spoken of by his friends and nicknamed the "Last -Judgment." It was an historical work, in which, from a new and bold -point of view, he treated the history of the world as a branch of -natural science. He had planned it carefully, but perhaps it was -destined never to be printed and would certainly never bring in any -money. - -After working for some time, he felt the usual restlessness which he -experienced in the absence of his second self, and went down to seek -her. - -She sat reading a book which she made a lame attempt to hide, as he -entered. By her strange manner he saw that some fateful element had -entered into their common life. - -"What are you reading?" he asked. - -"Your last book," she answered in a peculiar tone. - -"It has appeared then! Don't read it; you will poison yourself." - -It was a ruthless description of his first marriage, written in -self-defence and as a last testament, for he had intended, after -completing it, to take his life. For years the manuscript had remained -sealed up in the care of a relative, and he had never intended to print -it. But in the last spring and under the pressure of necessity, after -he had been assailed most unjustly by gossips and in the newspapers, he -had sold the book to a publisher. - -And now it had appeared and fallen into the hands of the very last -person who should have seen it. His first impulse was to snatch the -book from her, but he was restrained by the thought: "It has happened; -well, let it happen!" And with perfect calm, as though he had assisted -at his own inevitable execution, he left the room. At lunch, he noticed -the strange transformation which had taken place in his wife. Her face -wore a new expression; her looks searched his whole person, as though -she were comparing him with the man described in the book. He took for -granted that his sufferings there described would not arouse her pity, -for a woman always takes sides with her own sex. But what he could -not understand was that she seemed to recognise herself in certain -of her predecessor's characteristics. Perhaps her mind was occupied -by some still unsolved problems in the question which married people -instinctively avoid--the woman question. Certain it was, however, that -she had learnt what her husband's views were on the subject of her sex, -and they were so cynically expressed that they must give her mortal -offence. - -She did not say a word, but he saw in her face that now all chance -of peace was gone and that this woman would never rest till she had -destroyed his marriage and compelled him to shorten his life. Against -this he could only oppose his motto: "Be ready for everything," and -resolve to bear everything as long as possible, and finally when -nothing else remained, to go his own way. Then she would devour herself -in solitude for want of food for her hate. - -The next day she had hatched her egg, which proved to contain a -basilisk. - -With an air which would fain have seemed innocent, but did not, she -told him, that since he could not work, they must think of retrenching. - -"Very well," he answered. - -First of all they had to content themselves with one room. This meant -that all possibility of being his own master, of withdrawing himself, -and of collecting himself was precluded. For the future he would be -confined with his tormentress in the same cage, have no more power -over his own thoughts and inclinations, and above all, not be' able to -work at the "Last Judgment." - -"You know you cannot work!" she remarked. - -When midday came, a plate with some cold bacon and bread was set before -him. - -"You don't like soup," she said; "and hot food isn't nice in this heat." - -Then she sat down to watch him. - -"Won't you eat?" he asked. - -"No, I am not hungry," she answered, and continued to watch him. - -Then he stood up, took his hat, and prepared to go out. - -"Are you going out?" she asked; "then I will go too, and we will keep -each other company." - -He went forward with long strides and she followed him. In order to vex -her he chose the sunny side of the street by a long white wall, where -the heat was intense, and the reflected light blinded the eyes. Then he -dragged her out to Chelsea, where there was no house that could give -shade. - -She followed like an evil spirit. - -When they came to the river, he thought for a moment of pushing her -into the water, but did not. He went along the bank where lime-ships -unloaded, steam-cranes puffed out coal-smoke, and chains hindered their -walking. He hoped that she would fall and hurt herself, or be pushed -down by a workman, and wished that a coal-heaver would embrace and kiss -her--so boundless was his hate and hers. - -It was in vain that he mounted over barrels and wheel-barrows and -threaded his way through heaps of lime. He thought of jumping into the -river and swimming to the other side, but was withheld by the thought -that she perhaps could swim also. - -At last he made a wide circuit like an ox persecuted by a gadfly, -and went down to Westminster. There the back streets swarmed with -the strangest figures, like shapes seen in a nightmare. He entered -the abbey, as if to shake off a pest, but she followed, silent and -unweariable. - -Finally he had to return home, and when he got there, he sat down on -one chair, and she seated herself opposite him. - -Then he understood how a man can become a murderer, and determined to -fly, as soon as he had written for money. - -The night came, and he hoped now to be able to collect his thoughts, -and be master of himself. - -She pretended to be asleep, but he could tell by her breathing that -she did not really sleep. - -"Are you awake?" she asked. - -He was still unwise enough to answer "Yes." Now they lay there watching -which should first go to sleep. At last he did so. - -In the middle of the night he awoke, listened, and heard by her -breathing that she was asleep. - -Then his soul stretched itself, wrapped itself up in the darkness, -and enjoyed being able to think without being watched by those cold, -threatening eyes. - -She had not, however, really gone to sleep, but in the darkness he -heard her voice as before: "Are you asleep?" - -He felt the vampire which had fastened on to his soul and kept watch -even over his thoughts. Why did she spy on him except that she feared -the silent workings of his mind? She felt perhaps how he lay there, and -worked himself gradually out of the meshes of her net. He only needed -a few hours' quiet, but that he was not to have. So she denied herself -sleep in order to torment him. She would not allow herself the pleasure -of going to the city, or of visiting the libraries and museums, because -she did not wish to leave him alone. The next day he asked her whether -she wished to continue to translate his worlds, or whether he should -have recourse again to his old translators.' - -"Shall I translate _you_?" she said contemptuously. "There are better -writers to be done." - -"Why will you not rather translate me than your rubbishy authors?" - -"Take care!" she hissed. "You over-value yourself and a terrible -awakening awaits you from the dream of your imagined greatness." She -said that in a tone as if she were supported by the public opinion -of all Europe. That made a certain impression on him, for an author, -even when recognised, often seems nothing to himself but is entirely -dependent on the opinion others cherish regarding his talents. Now -he felt the bond between them snap. She hated and despised his work, -which was his only means of support, and when she sought to rob him of -courage and confidence, she was the enemy. And in dealing with an enemy -there are only two methods--either to kill him, or not to fight him but -to fly. He determined on the latter. - -He had still to wait a few days till the money came, and these days -were enough to develop his aversion. He had opportunities of witnessing -more cold, calculating malice, mischievous joy at successful thrusts, -all the feminine small-mindedness, meanness, and duplicity, but on a -larger scale. Since she knew that he could not get away for want of -money, she gave him to understand that he was her prisoner; but he was -not, however. - -The room looked like a pigsty, and the meals were so prepared as to be -purposely repulsive. Dirt and disorder prevailed to such a degree that -he felt himself in hell. With longing he thought of his lonely attic -which had always been tidy, however careless he had been about expenses. - -Two months had passed since their marriage. All smiles and even -conversation had ceased; love was changed into unreasoning hate, and he -began to find her ugly. - -On the last day before his departure, he felt obliged to speak out -in order not to explode. "You were beautiful as long as I loved you; -perhaps my love made you so, not only in my opinion. Now I find you the -ugliest and meanest character which I have met in my life." - -She answered: "I know that I have never been so malicious towards -anyone as towards you, without being able to give any reasons for it." - -"I can, though," he said. "You hate me because I am a man, and your -husband." - -He had packed his portmanteau and she was prepared for his departure. -When now the time of separation approached and she believed it would -be for ever, her hatred vanished, and behold! love was there again! - -Her tenderness and care for him knew no bounds. They spoke of the -future as though they would soon meet again. She gave him good advice -in a motherly way, but resignedly, as if in face of an unalterable -destiny which demanded their temporary separation. As they drove to -the station in an open carriage, she kissed him repeatedly in broad -daylight in the main streets. The passers-by laughed, but when the -police began to look attentively at the caressing pair, he felt the -need of caution. - -"Take care," he said, "in this country we might be imprisoned for -making love openly." - -"What do I care for that?" she answered. "I love you so much." - -He thought her again sublime in her all-defying tenderness, and they -planned to meet again in a week. His intention was to go to his -colleague Ilmarinen in the Island of Rügen. The latter would help him -to order his affairs; then he would rent a house and they would meet -again in a fortnight at latest. - -"You see now, one cannot trust in the permanence of this hatred." - -"No, one must trust love." - -"It looks as if that had conquered." - -Their parting at the station was heart-rending, and, as he sat alone in -the railway carriage, he felt the pain of longing for her. He did not -find the sense of freedom and happiness of which he had dreamt. All the -recollections of her malice seemed to have been obliterated. - - -[Footnote 1: Heligoland.] - - - -IV - - -He went from London to Hamburg in the hope of finding acquaintances on -his arrival who would help him on to Rügen. But he found the place as -though under a spell of enchantment; everyone had gone to the country -or somewhere else. He had to take a room in an hotel and telegraph -first to Ilmarinen in Rügen, but the latter answered that he had no -money. Then he telegraphed to Copenhagen and Christiania and received -similar answers. - -He felt now as though he had been enticed into a trap and overpowered. -Since there had been an outbreak of cholera the previous year in -Hamburg, they expected another when the heat returned, and that was -the case just now. Therefore, if he did not get away soon, he had to -expect, not death, to which he felt indifferent, but the quarantine. - -The days passed slowly with terrible monotony, for he had no one to -talk to, and with the threatened cholera outbreak hanging over his -head. Helpless and in a perpetual rage against some invisible foe who -seemed to have a grudge against him, he felt paralysed. He dared not -move a finger in order to alter his destiny, for he feared failure and -renewed disappointment of his hopes. - -In order to pass the time he studied historical tables and wrote dates -from morning to evening. But the days were still terribly long, and -after four days he conceived a fixed idea that he would never get away -from this infernal town where nothing but buying and selling went on. -This impression became so strong that he determined to end his life in -his uncanny bedroom. He unpacked his things and put out the photographs -of his children and other relatives on the writing-table. - -Loneliness and torment made the time seem double its real length. He -began to be under the illusion that he was a native of Hamburg; he -forgot for a while his past and the fact that he was married or had -lived anywhere else than here. He regarded himself as a prisoner with -the weird feeling that he did not know what crime he had committed, -who had condemned him, or who was his jailer. But the black spectre of -cholera haunted invisibly the dirty water of the canals and watched for -him. Three times a day he asked the waiter about the cholera and always -received the same answer: "They are not sure yet." - -Then at last came a letter from his wife. She cried aloud from longing, -fear, and unrest, and wished to know where he was. He answered in the -same tone and felt wild with rage at the destiny which separated them. - -On the morning of the fifth day he discovered in a newspaper that his -Danish friend lived only half an hour's journey by rail from Hamburg. - -If he had known that before, he would not have been obliged to undergo -all these sufferings. Now, since he could not pay the hotel bill, he -resolved to depart at once and not to return. His friend would give him -money which he would send to the hotel, and he would have his things -sent after him. He took his seat in the railway carriage with the -feelings of a liberated prisoner, cast a pitying look on Hamburg and -forgave the injuries it had done him, but vowed never to honour it with -another visit, unless compelled. - -His half-hour's journey put him in a good humour, and his mouth -watered at the prospect of being able to give expression to all his -vexation and perhaps to make light of his martyrdom, and give it a -comic aspect. His divine frivolity returned, and he thought that -he must be after all a lucky fellow to find one of his friends so -unexpectedly. He stopped before the comfortable little house; the -landlord stood in the doorway; he greeted him and asked if Mr ---- were -at home. - -"No; he went off this morning." - -"Where?" - -"To Denmark." - -During the three hours which he had to wait for the train he had time -to get over the blow. When he took his seat again in the train, he -thought: "There is something wrong here; it is not the natural logic of -events. It is certainly something else." - -Then the spires of Hamburg reappeared and his hatred to the place awoke -again, and rose to an incredible height when he saw a coffin at the -station. "Now the cholera is here," he thought, "and I shall be in -quarantine for fourteen days!" - -But it was not the cholera, which was something to be thankful for. He -did not feel so, however, for he felt sure it would break out on the -same day that he received the money. And he calculated that he would -never get away from Hamburg in this way. The money would delay so long -till the hotel bill, which grew in geometrical progression, swallowed -up the whole amount, and nothing would be left for his travelling -expenses. In this way there would be a sort of perpetual movement which -might last till the end of the world. - -That his calculations were about correct was proved two days later -when the money really came. He paid the bill, left the hotel in a cab, -and drove to the station; then a hotel servant who had followed him -expected a tip, and had, besides, a little additional bill, probably -falsified, as usual. When he came to the booking-office and inquired -the price of the ticket, he was two marks short. Accordingly he -returned to the hotel. - -It is not necessary to linger over details in order to give the reader -a lively idea of what he suffered. In short, his silence cure still -lasted some days; then he got away, and the cholera had not yet broken -out. - -His object in going to Rügen was partly to seek masculine society in -order to get rid of the feminine atmosphere which had enveloped him, -and partly to settle matters with Ilmarinen; but his chief purpose -was probably to talk himself out. That was precisely why, he thought, -destiny or whatever it was had relegated him to absolute silence in -Hamburg, for "destiny" always sought out his secret wishes in order to -frustrate them. - -When at last he reached Rügen, hoping to have a good talk for half a -night, he found Ilmarinen altered, chilly in demeanour and embarrassed. -The latter had heard that his friend had married a lady from a rich -family, as indeed was the fact, and therefore could not understand this -sudden come down. When the new-comer asked whether they could have -supper together, the Finn excused himself by saying that he had been -invited to a birthday feast. - -"I live, you know," he said, "with Lais's oldest friend, the Swede, who -was in love with her, and who came last." - -"Is he here?" - -"Yes, he lives here, since Lais engaged herself to the Russian who left -his wife and children." - -"He hates me then also?" - -"Yes, to speak the truth, your presence will certainly annoy him." - -So he remained alone the first evening. Alone after a long double -loneliness with his wife and with himself! - -He felt as though he were under some curse, to be so treated by this -insignificant, uncultivated Ilmarinen whom he had lifted up from -nothingness, introduced to his own circle, fed and lodged, because he -executed business matters for him with the theatres and publishers. -This employment was partly an honour for the young unknown author, and -partly an advantage, for it helped him to find openings for his own -work. Now the pupil abandoned the teacher, because he thought there was -nothing more to be gained from him, and because he considered he could -now help himself. - -The days which followed were now so dreadful, that again the thought -occurred to him that this could not be natural, but that a black hand -was guiding his destiny. - -Since there was only one restaurant in this third-class watering-place, -he had to sit at the same table with his countryman, who attributed -to him the loss of Lais, and with Ilmarinen, who assumed a superior -tone, because he regarded him as lost. Then the food resembled hog's -flesh from which all the goodness had been cooked out. One rose hungry -from table, and was hungry the whole day. Everything was adulterated, -even the beer. As regards the meat, the restaurant keeper's family -first cooked all the goodness out of it for themselves; the customers -only got the sinews and bones, and were fed, in fact, just like dogs. -Bitter looks, which his unfortunate fellow-countryman could not quite -suppress, did not increase the imaginary pleasures of the table. - -He spent a week in Rügen without hearing anything from his wife in -London. At first he had found life on the island tolerable in contrast -to that in the Hamburg hotel; but when he woke one day and reflected on -his situation, it seemed to him simply hellish. He had hired an attic -room and the sun beat fiercely on the iron plates of the roof, which -was only a foot above his head. Sixteen years previously he had, as a -young bachelor, left his garret at the top of five flights of stairs, -in order to enter a house as a married man. Since that time it had been -one of his nightmares to find himself crawling up the five flights of -stairs to his old garret, where all the wretchedness and untidiness -of a bachelor's room awaited him. Now he was again in an attic and a -bachelor, although married. That was like a punishment after receiving -warnings. But what crime he had committed he could not say. - -Moreover, the whole surrounding soil consisted of light, loose -sand, which had been so heated by the suns of midsummer that it -did not become cool at night. It made one think at first of the hot -sand-girdles which peasants use to cure inflammation of the lungs. -Later on, after searching in his memory, he thought of the scene in -Dante's Inferno where the blasphemers lie stretched out on hot sand. -But as he did not think he believed in any good God, it seemed to him -that blasphemies might be left unpunished. - -After walking about for a week in the deep sand, it seemed to him -really a hellish torture to have to take half a step backward for every -one forward, and to be obliged to lift the foot six inches high in -walking. Worst of all was the feeling of sinking through the earth like -the girl in the fairy story who trod on bread. Never to find a firm -foothold, nor to be able to run a race with one's thoughts, but to drag -oneself about like an old man--that was hell. Besides this, there was a -heat in the air which never abated. His attic was burning hot by day, -and when he lay in bed at night with nothing on, he was scorched by the -iron plates of the roof. The nearness of the sea would naturally have -helped to relieve the heat, but that possibility had been carefully -guarded against, like everything else. From his boyhood he had been -accustomed to cast himself head foremost into the water because he -did not like creeping into it. In connection with this also, he was -persecuted by a frequently recurring nightmare, i.e. he used to dream -that he was overheated and must plunge into the sea. The sea was there -but was so shallow that he could not plunge into it, and when he did -crawl into it, it was still so shallow that he could not duck his head. -That was precisely the case here. "Have I come here for the fulfilment -of all my bad dreams?" he asked himself. - -And with reason. Ilmarinen grew more inquisitive every day; he asked -when the Norwegian's wife was coming, and when a fortnight had passed, -believed that she had quite abandoned him. This, naturally, pleased -Lais's friend, and nothing was wanting to complete the Norwegian's -hell. For there was something very humiliating in his position as a -discarded husband. His correspondence with England had assumed such an -ominous character that he did not know himself whether he was still -married or separated. In one of his wife's letters, she dwelt on her -inextinguishable love, the pain of separation, and the martyrdom of -longing. They were, she said, Hero and Leander on opposite sides of the -sea, and if she could swim, she would fly to her Leander, even at the -risk of being washed up on his island a corpse. In her next letter she -announced that she intended opening a theatre in London, and was trying -to raise sufficient capital. At the same time she could not find enough -capital to buy a steamer-ticket. A third letter contained the news that -she was ill, and was full of complaints that the husband had left his -sick wife in a foreign land. A fourth letter said that she was in a -convent kept by English ladies, where she had been educated, and where -she found again her youth and innocence; in it she also denounced the -wickedness of the world and the hell of marriage. - -It was impossible to give reasonable answers to these letters, for they -poured on him like hail and crossed his own. If he wrote a gentle reply -he received a scolding letter in answer to a previous sharp one of his, -and vice versa. Their misunderstandings arrived at such a pitch that -they bordered on lunacy, and when he ceased to write, she began to send -telegrams. - -This imbroglio lasted for a month, and during that time he looked back -with longing to the hours he had spent in Hamburg; they seemed to him -like memories of an indescribably happy time when compared with this. - -At last he was cut down from the gallows. A letter came from his -sister-in-law inviting him to his father-in-law's villa at Odense. His -wife had also been invited; and it was arranged that they should meet -again there. - - - -V - - -Prepared for everything, even the worst, he entered on this new stage -of running the gauntlet. The most curious of all his changes awaited -him. After having been a husband and father he was to become a child -again, be incorporated into a family, and find another father and -mother many years after losing his own. The situation was rendered -more confused by the fact that his father and mother-in-law had lived -separate for seven years, and now wished to come together again on the -occasion of their daughter's marriage. - -He had thus become a bond of union between them, and since the daughter -had also been at variance with her father, the family meeting promised -to take the shape of a manifold reconciliation. - -But his own past was not exactly associated with family -reconciliations, and since he himself had not a clean record the -prospective idyll by the Areskov Lake began to loom before him like -a cave of snakes. How was he to explain this strange parting from -his bride after only eight weeks of marriage? To allege pecuniary -embarrassment would be the worst of all excuses, because a son-in-law -with money difficulties would be regarded as an impostor or a -legacy-hunter. - -As he approached the meeting-place, he became nervous, but at the last -hour he saved his courage, as usual, by reverting to the stand-point -of the author: "If I get no honour thereby, I will at any rate get -material for a chapter in my novel." - -He also regarded what happened to him from another point of view--that -of the innocent martyr. "I will see how far Destiny can go in its -meanness, and how much I can bear." When the train stopped at the -pretty little branch-line station, he looked out, naturally enough, for -faces which sought his own. A young lady leading a delicate-looking -child by the hand approached, asked his name, and introduced herself as -his father-in-law's French governess. She had been sent, she said, to -meet him. - -A pretty white village whose houses had high, tent-like roofs and green -shutters lay in a valley surrounded by small hills, and enclosing a -beautiful lake, on the bank of which, outside the village, stood his -father-in-law's house. On the road under the lime-trees a bare-headed, -white-haired lady met him, embraced him and bade him welcome. It -was his wife's mother. He was immediately conscious what a strange -transmission of feelings such a simple transaction as marriage had -seemed to him, might bring about. She was his mother and he was her son. - -"I have known you long before you saw my daughter," said the old -lady, with the quavering voice of a religious fanatic. "And it is as -though I had expected you. There is much evil in your writings, but -your immorality is childish, your views of women are correct, and -your godlessness is not your fault for He did not wish to make your -acquaintance, but now you will soon see Him come. You have married a -child of the world, but you will not long remain with her when you see -how she pulls you down into the trivialities of life. When you find -yourself alone, you will re-discover the first vocation of your youth." - -This she said in the solemn and unembarrassed manner of a sibyl, as -though someone else spoke through her and therefore she did not fear to -have said too much. - -When the conversation returned to mundane things, he asked after his -father-in-law, whose absence surprised him. She answered that he was -not here, but would come to-morrow. His sister-in-law now appeared but -she was chilly, gloomy and conventional in demeanour. He had thought -her his friend and had hoped to find a support in her presence, but -perceived now that that hope was vain, especially as she was going to -leave before her father came. Nothing more was said about his own wife, -and no one knew whether she was coming or not. - -Had he been enticed into a trap? he asked himself, and was a court -martial about to be held here? Had his wife written complaints -against him from England? How was he to interpret the situation? A -mother-in-law who almost advised him to be divorced, and spoke ill of -her child--that was something very original! - -Meanwhile he was conducted into the villa. It was a handsome stone -building of two stories, with many large rooms filled with ancient -furniture, tapestries, and ornaments. And this house, which could -easily contain two large families, was occupied for only six weeks -in the year by the owner during his holidays; the rest of the time -it stood empty. This suggested wealth, and gave the son-in-law the -impression that here, at any rate, one need not discuss poverty--its -causes and its cure. - -The day passed in conversation with his mother-in-law, who was -unwearied in showing him attention and kindness. She was inclined -on every occasion to lead the conversation to high subjects; as a -religious mystic she was disposed to see the guiding hand of Providence -everywhere. That led her to look at things in general from a tolerant -point of view, since she regards people's actions as predestined. - -In order to make himself agreeable in the most usual way he placed -himself at her point of view and searched in his past for some -premonitions of coming events. - -"Yes," answered the old lady, "I said already that I had expected you; -one of those wild Northmen was to come and take my daughter. But as you -can guess, my husband was not delighted at the prospect; he has a very -violent temper but is good at heart. You will have a hard tussle with -him at first, but it will soon be over, if only you do not answer him. -It is certainly fortunate that your wife has not come, for he has a -bone to pick with her also." - -"Also?" - -"I don't mean anything bad; don't misunderstand me. It will be all -right when his angry fit is over." - -"He will be angry then, anyhow, but I don't understand why. I have -acted in good faith, but every man may sometimes fairly plead -unmerited misfortune." - -"Oh, it will be all right!" - -At last the evening ended and he went up to his room. It had windows on -three sides; there were no outer blinds and the curtains could not be -drawn together. He felt himself under observation, like a patient in -quarantine. - -When he lay in bed he had his father-in-law's bust to contemplate; the -face did not look friendly but quite the reverse, and being lit from -below, it assumed all manner of unpleasing expressions. - -"And to-morrow I am to be lectured by this stranger who I have never -seen; scolded like a schoolboy because I have had misfortunes. Well, I -must put up with it, as with everything else." - -The next morning he woke up with a distinct impression that he found -himself in a pit of snakes, into which Satan had enticed him. Therefore -it was impossible to flee, so he went out to botanise and survey the -landscape. He screwed himself up into a frivolous, poetic mood and -thought what a thrilling situation it was; a dramatic scene which no -one had hitherto passed through. "It is my own," he said to himself, -"even though it should scorch my skin." - -Lunch-time came; it was not exactly cheerful at table and his -father-in-law's empty place seemed to threaten him. After lunch he -went up to his room to quiet his nerves and immediately afterwards the -Councillor's arrival was announced. - -The Norwegian went down smiling, while a chill ran through him at -intervals. In the veranda stood a man who looked about forty, dressed -like a young man, with laughing and youthful eyes. What the Norwegian's -own demeanour was, he himself could not see, but it must have made a -favourable impression, for his new relative greeted him respectfully, -apologised for the lateness of his arrival, said kind things about his -books, and asked him to sit down. - -However, he always addressed him with "you" instead of the more -intimate "thou." Then he talked of politics; he had just come from -Fredensborg. He spoke at length of this and that person, apparently -with the object of observing his son-in-law, who sat mute and -attentive. Then he turned to his wife, asked if she had anything to -entertain their guest with, and finally came back to him, asking if -he wished for anything. Without hesitating he stood up, went near his -father-in-law and said: "I have only one wish, that my wife's father -should call me 'thou.'"[1] - -There was a sudden gleam in the other's eyes, he opened his arms and -now the doubter felt the same as he had when meeting his mother-in-law. -The invisible family-tie had been knit; he was genuinely moved, and -stood there transformed into a child. - -"You are a good fellow," said his father-in-law, "I have looked into -your eyes." Then he kissed him on both cheeks. "But," he continued, -"you have got Maria, and you know what you have got, as I hear. Be good -enough never to come and complain to me. If you cannot tame her, you -must let yourself be drawn along by her. You have had your way; much -good may it do you!" - -Then they drank coffee and talked like relatives and old acquaintances. -Then the Councillor went to change his clothes in order to go fishing. -He returned in a summer suit of white cashmere which made him look -still younger than before. The trousers had certainly belonged to -his Court uniform, and traces of gold thread were still visible upon -them, but that made an impression on the Bohemian. Moreover, his -father-in-law offered him cigars which he had been presented with by -princes. - -The Councillor had dined at Court and was now going fishing with the -anarchist. The latter felt his conscience slightly uneasy as he had -not long previously admired the cleverness of some anarchists in -forcing open money-safes. It was strange! But the Councillor spoke -sympathetically of modern movements and of Scandinavian literature in -general. He was also thoroughly acquainted with the terrible activity -of his son-in-law, so that the latter had no need to feel embarrassed. -He especially approved of his views on the woman question and expressed -his opinion thus, "You have written all that I wished to write." - -He was perhaps not quite serious, but he said it at any rate. - -Then they reached the stream. - -"Have you ever fished for perch?" asked his father-in-law. - -"No," he replied. - -"Then you had better help me." - -The help consisted in placing the fish in a basket and clearing the -hook without injuring the artificial fly. - -Since everything requires practice, the son-in-law showed himself -somewhat clumsy and got scolded. But he had become so accustomed to his -new position that he found it quite natural, just as natural as when he -used to go fishing formerly with his children. - -At sunset the sport ceased, and the son-in-law had the honour of -carrying the fishing-rods, basket, and fish home. - -The evening was cheerful, and the Councillor sent a telegram to London -with travelling expenses, telling the young wife to come at once. - -"That is for your sake," he said to his son-in-law. In other words she -had not been sent for before, and he had therefore been enticed, as one -captures singing-birds. - -"I have got well over it," he said to his mother-in-law as he bade her -good night. - -"The worst is over, but it is not finished yet." - -"Do you think we shall both get a whipping?" - -It was not the end yet by a long way. The next morning he received a -letter from London in which she said farewell to him for ever (Lord -Byron!) because in the choice between her and her parents, he had -preferred the latter. Since there was no choice in question, this was a -piece of nonsense which concealed something. Another letter, addressed -to her mother, was to the same effect but expressed more violently and -concluded by wishing her "good luck." Her mother explained it thus. -"She is jealous, fears that you tell tales against her and find support -here; she is so self-willed that she cannot bear even her parents over -her. If you become good friends with her father and mother, she feels -herself in a child's position with regard to you also!" - -This was possible but not quite natural, for she ought to have rejoiced -that he had made a conquest of her parents, and thus brought about a -reconciliation between her and them. - -Her father became angry and serious; he telegraphed an ultimatum and -demanded an answer. Now the sky was clouded and there were no more -smiles. The Norwegian feared a collision if he remained here, and -telegraphed to his wife: "I am going to Copenhagen; if you do not come, -I will seek for a divorce." But he had to wait for an answer, and -therefore he remained. That night he could not sleep, for the situation -was grotesque enough to drive one to despair. Suppose she agreed to a -divorce, how could the family-tie which had just been formed be broken -in a moment? What would he be then, who had just entered into the -family and received their confidence? What would the old people think? -Such a hasty breach could not take place without some reason. - -The next morning a telegram came from his young wife who was in -Holland. Since everything was fated to go crazily this telegram was so -badly worded that it might mean "I am coming to you," or "I am going to -Copenhagen to meet you there." - -This telegram became a bone of contention, and for three whole days -the old pair and their son-in-law disputed over its interpretation. -But the young wife did not come. They listened to the whistles of the -steamboats, went down to meet the trains, came back and discussed -the telegram again. They had no more quiet, and could not carry on a -conversation without turning their heads and listening. - -The next day the father's patience was exhausted, for a collateral -circumstance came in view, of great importance in his eyes--the -unavoidable scandal. The whole village knew that the son-in-law was -there, but that his wife had been lost and was sought for by telegram. -Her father therefore shut himself up all day, and when he emerged began -a ruthless discussion of the economic problem. - -"Have you a sure income?" he asked. - -"As sure as authors generally have," was the answer. - -"Very well, then you must do like others, and write for the papers." - -"No paper will print my articles." - -"Then write them so that they can be printed." - -That was more than a sceptic and quietist ought to have borne, but he -bore it and kept silence, firmly resolved rather to take a guitar on -his arm and go about as a wretched streetsinger rather than sell his -soul. - -The old man had himself been a novelist and poet in his youth, but -had been obliged to give up the struggle in order to provide for his -family. He, therefore, had the right to say: "Do as I have had to do." -But on the other side he knew by experience how hard such a sacrifice -is. He immediately felt sympathy with his son-in-law and spoke -friendly, encouraging words. The next moment, however, his justified -suspicions awoke, and the memory of the sacrifice he had once made -made him bitter; he felt he must trample on an unfortunate who had -fallen under his feet. When he saw how the other kept silent and took -everything quietly, an evil spirit probably whispered to him that this -man could only bear everything so patiently because he hoped some day -to be heir in this house. Then he spoke of King Lear and his ungrateful -daughters who left the old man alone, waited for his death, and robbed -him of honour. So the day passed, and when the son-in-law withdrew, he -was sent for to be whipped again. Since he could put himself in other's -places, and understood how to suffer with them, he made no attempt to -defend himself. He could easily imagine himself old and set aside, -despised and neglected by his children. "You are right," he said, "but -still I feel myself innocent." - -On the evening of the third day after the dispatch of the London -telegram his mother-in-law came to him. "You must go early to-morrow -morning," she said, "for he cannot bear to see you any more!" - -"Very well, I will go." - -"And if Maria comes now, she will not be received." - -"Have you ever seen a man in such a position as mine?" - -"No; my husband grants that too; it makes him suffer to see such a -worthy man as you in such a position; he suffers on your account, and -he does not want to suffer. You know my thoughts about it; it is no -one's fault and not the fault of circumstances; but you are fighting -against another who pursues and pursues you till you are so weary that -you will be compelled to seek rest in the only place where rest is to -be found. In me you will always have a friend, even if you are divorced -from my daughter, and I shall follow the course of your destiny with my -good wishes and my prayers." - -When alone in his room, he felt a certain relief to think that -to-morrow there would be an end of this wretchedness which was among -the worst things he had experienced. In order to think of something -else, he took up a paper which proved to be the official Court news. -His eye flew over the first page down to the feuilleton, where a -literary essay attracted his attention. He read it, thinking that his -father-in-law had written it. At the first glance the article showed -great familiarity with literature, but it contained over-confident -judgments and was written in too artificial a style. Moreover, it -surprised him by displaying hostility to all modern literature -(including Scandinavian), while German literature was pointed to with -special emphasis as that which set the tone to, and stood highest in -the civilised world. Germany always at the head! - -When he reached the end of the article, he saw that it was signed -by his wife! Now he had promised her never to read her articles and -he had kept this promise in order to avoid literary discussions in -his married life. The only reason that her written sentiments were -different from those which she expressed in daily conversation must be -that she had to write so "in order to be printed." What a double life -this woman must lead, appearing in Radical circles as an anarchist, -and in the Court paper as an old-fashioned Conservative! How one could -so change about he did not understand, and he was too tired to try to -understand it. But that explained why she could not understand his -being without occupation while there were plenty of pens and paper. - -This worldly wisdom, this old-fashioned style seemed to suggest a bald -head and spectacles rather than a young, beautiful, laughing girl who -could lie on a sofa and eat sweetmeats like an odalisque. - -"To think that people should be so complicated!" he said to himself. -"It is interesting at any rate! I shall remember it next time!" And -he fell asleep, thinking himself considerably wiser after these -experiences. - -At seven o'clock he got up, called by a man who was to take his things -to the station. As his mother-in-law had told him the train did not -start till nearly eight, he made no hurry, but dressed quietly and went -down into the garden where he met her. They were standing and talking -of what lay before him when a rough, thundering voice was heard from a -window of the first story. It was his father-in-law. - -"Haven't you gone yet?" - -"No; the train doesn't go till quarter to eight!" - -"What idiot told you that?" - -That he could not say, as it was his mother-in-law. - -"Well, hurry on to the station and see when the next train goes." - -As the Norwegian hesitated, there came a sharp "Now!" like the crack -of a whip over a horse. It was quite clear to him what he had to do -now; he pressed his mother-in-law's hand and went. His firm steps -must have shown that they were the opposite to those leading to the -lion's cave,[2] going out and away but never returning, for he heard -immediately the old man's voice in a caressing, lamenting tone: "Axel!" - -It felt like a stab in the departer's breast, but he had begun to move, -and went on without looking round. - -He went down to the station, looked ostensibly at the railway guide, -asked about the next train without listening to the answer, saw by the -position of the sun which direction was north-east, and struck into -the nearest highway. He did this all so quietly, as though he had long -considered the plan. Soon he found himself out in the country, alone -without a home, without baggage, without an overcoat, and nothing but a -walking-stick in his hand. He felt angry with no one; his father-in-law -was right, and his last call sounded like an appeal for forgiveness for -his bad temper. Yes, he only felt guilty with regard to this man, on -whom he had brought shame and sorrow. But in himself he felt innocent, -for he had only acted according to his obligations and possibilities. - -Meanwhile he was free and had left the worst hell behind him; the sun -shone, the landscape lay green and open, he had the whole world before -him. He shook off the child's clothes which he had worn for eight -days, felt himself a man again, and marched on. His plan was to reach -a certain place on foot; there to take a steamer, to telegraph for his -baggage and so to travel to Copenhagen. - -"The affair is really ludicrous," he said to himself; "if it were not -tragic for the old people. It looks bad, but I have survived worse -things. I am a tramp! Very good! Then all claims to honour and respect -have ceased. It is soothing at all events to have nothing more to -lose. Hurrah!" - -He marched into the next village like an old soldier and ordered wine -and tobacco. He felt hilarious, and chatted with the innkeeper. Then -he went on again. But at intervals he became sentimental; thought of -his mother-in-law's words about the wild chase; had to admit that there -was something uncanny about it, for he had never yet experienced such -a misfortune; and if other people noticed it, it could not be mere -imagination. But that was nothing strange, for he had had bad luck ever -since he was a child. But fancy placing a man in such a position! He -would not even have treated an enemy with such hellish cruelty. - -Meanwhile he reached Odense, came to Korsör and soon afterwards to -Copenhagen. It was evening and he sent a messenger to the family where -his wife generally stayed. Since she had not come to the Arreskov Lake, -she must be in Copenhagen. On the visiting-card which he sent he only -wrote: "A somewhat strange question: where is my wife?" - -The man who has not waited for an hour and a half on a pavement does -not know how long this time can be. But this interval of waiting was -abridged by the hope that after a silence-cure of eight days in -Hamburg, five weeks of simple imprisonment at Rügen, and a week of the -nethermost hell at Fünen, he would see his wife again. After an hour -and a half the messenger returned with another visiting-card on which -was written: "She left this morning for Fünen in order to meet you." - -A miss again! "I begin to find this monotonous even when regarded as a -plot," he said to himself. - -If one had used it for the plan of a novel, the reader would throw the -book away and exclaim: "No! that is too thick! And as a farce it isn't -cheerful enough!" - -Nevertheless, it was a fact! The next minute he thought: "My poor, -unfortunate wife is going straight into the lion's den. Now she -will get blows." For her father's anger was now unbounded, and his -mother-in-law had said during the last days of his stay: "If she comes -now, he will beat her." Therefore he telegraphed to the old lady to say -that his wife was coming, and asked indulgence for her. - -It would take four days for her to return. In order not to remain in -Copenhagen where his wedding journey had been reported in the papers, -he stayed in a village outside the town where an old friend of his -lived with his family. In the boarding-house where he stayed the same -hog's-wash regime prevailed as in Rügen. In two days he lost as much -strength as though he had had an attack of typhus. One chewed till -one's jaws were weary, went hungry to table, and rose again tired and -hungry. - -His friend was not the same as before. Rendered melancholy by -disappointments he seemed to find this a favourable opportunity to -display a visible satisfaction at seeing the well-known author in such -a sorry plight. His sympathy took the heartiest, and at the same time -the most insulting forms. When the Norwegian related his adventures on -the wedding journey, his hearer stared at him in such a way that he -made a hasty end of his narrative in order not to be stigmatised as a -liar. - -The village was on marshy ground, and over-shadowed by very old trees; -one became melancholy there without knowing why. When he walked down -one of the streets of the village he was astonished to see people at -the windows regarding him furtively with wild, distracted looks, and -immediately afterwards shyly hiding themselves behind the curtains. -This disquieted him and he wondered whether a false report had been -spread that he was mad. When he asked his friend about it, the latter -answered: "Don't you know where you are?" - -The question sounded strangely, and might mean: "Are you so confused -that you have lost consciousness?" - -"I am in X----" he answered, in order not to betray his suspicion. - -"And don't you know what X---- is?" - -"No!" - -"It is simply a lunatic asylum; the inhabitants make a living by taking -care of mad people." And he laughed. - -The Norwegian inquired no further, but he asked himself: "Have they -enticed me into a trap in order to watch me?" - -He had grounds for such a suspicion, for such an occurrence had already -happened in his life. - -His whole existence now became a single effort to show himself so -ordinary in his way of thinking and normal in his behaviour, that -nothing "unusual" might be noticed in him. He did not dare to give -vent to an original thought or to utter a paradox, and whenever the -temptation came to narrate something of his wedding journey he pinched -his knee. - -This continual fear of being watched depressed him so much that he saw -watching eyes everywhere, and thought he noticed traps laid for him -in questions where there were none. Sensitive as he was, he believed -that the whole village exhaled the contagious atmosphere of the -lunatics; he became depressed and feared to go mad himself. But he did -not attempt to go away, partly because he feared being arrested at the -station, and partly because he had told his wife to meet him at this -village. - -He had received letters from Arreskov, in which his mother-in-law -informed him what disquiet and anxiety his disappearance had caused -them. His father-in-law, who well knew what he would have done in the -unfortunate man's place, had immediately foreboded his suicide and wept -aloud. They had searched for him by the banks of the lake and in the -wood.... He stopped reading the letter and felt his conscience prick -him. The good old man had wept! How terrible his lot must be, when the -sight of it had that effect on others! The letter went on to say that -Maria had arrived, and that they would soon meet again, if he only -kept quiet, for she loved him. This was a ray of light and it gave him -strength to endure this hell, where everyone looked askance at his -neighbour to see whether he were in his senses. - -But the two last days brought new tortures. The Swede whom he had met -in the Copenhagen café had accepted an invitation to come to dinner. -The Norwegian went gladly to the station to meet his best friend, who -understood him better than anyone else, and who, though poor himself, -had tried to make interest for him with rich people, and to procure -the help for him which he himself could not obtain. But now he met -a stranger who looked at him coldly and treated him as a stranger. -There was no smile of recognition on his part, no inquiry after the -Norwegian's health and especially no allusion to the past. - -After dinner he took the host aside and asked: "Is the Swede angry with -me?" - -"Angry? No! But you understand he has now married Lais." - -"Married?" - -"Yes, and therefore he does not like to be reminded that she was your -friend." - -"I understand that, but it is not my fault that I was her friend before -she knew that the Swede was in existence." - -"No, certainly not; but you have gossiped about her." - -"I only said what everyone else said, since it was no secret. She -herself so boasted of her conquests that they were bound to become -public." - -"Yes, but the fact is as I say." - -The Swede remained in the hotel, and therefore the Norwegian was -relegated to solitude. In order to while away the time he made use of -the flora of the neighbourhood in order to study the biology of plants. -For this purpose he carried about with him on his walks a morphia -syringe, intending to see whether the plants were sensitive to this -nerve poison. He wished to prove by experiment that they possess a -sensitive nervous system. - -One afternoon he sat drinking a glass of wine at a garden restaurant on -the outskirts of the village. Over his table hung the branches of an -apple-tree, laden with small red apples. These were suitable for his -purpose. Accordingly, he stood on his chair, made an insertion with the -morphia syringe in the twig which bore the apple, but pressed too hard, -so that it fell. At that instant he heard a cry and halloo from the -wooded slope behind him, and saw an angry man, followed by his wife and -child, come rushing towards him with uplifted stick. "There! I have him -at last!" he cried. - -Him! He was mistaken for an apple stealer for whom they had been -watching. - -The Norwegian summoned all his Buddhistic philosophy to his aid, got -down from the chair, and sat expecting to be led off by gendarmes as he -had been caught in the act. It was impossible to explain his conduct, -for none of the authorities could approve such an eccentric act as the -inoculation of an apple-tree with morphia. - -Meanwhile a minute passed while the angry man was running along by a -fence and entering the enclosure. Like one condemned to death, the -Norwegian sat there awaiting a blow from the stick as an earnest of -what was to follow. He was firmly resolved to die like a warrior, and -did not trouble to devise useless explanations, but only thought: "This -is the most devilish experience I have had in my whole terrible life." - -Sixty seconds are a long time but they pass at last! - -Whether it was the Norwegian's carefully groomed exterior and expensive -suit, the wine and the best kind of cigarettes, or something quite -different which had a mollifying effect, the angry man, who had -certainly not had such a stylish customer before, bared his head, and -only asked whether the gentleman had been attended to. The Norwegian, -answering politely, noticed how the restaurant keeper stared at the -morphia syringe, the powder box and the glass of water. - -With the free-and-easy tone of a man of the world, the Norwegian -explained the embarrassing situation: "I am a botanist, and was just -about to make an experiment when you surprised me in a very suspicious -position." - -"Pray, doctor, do as though you were in your own house, and be quite at -your ease," was the reply. - -After exchanging some remarks about the weather, the restaurant keeper -went indoors; he muttered something to the waitress which the Norwegian -thought he overheard. It caused him to take his departure, but in a -leisurely way. "He thought I was one of the lunatics," he said to -himself. "That was my deliverance. I can't come here again, however." - -Several hours passed, but the impression of the sixty seconds of -humiliation and the lifted stick still remained. "That is not -mischance; that is something else," was his conclusion, as usual. - -The next morning he took his walk and meditated on his destiny. "Why -haven't you shot yourself?" Let him say who can. One view was that, -finally, all difficulties are disentangled and experience shows that -the end is good. This used to be called "hope," and by means of it one -warped one's ship half an ell farther, as with a kedge anchor. Others -maintained that it was curiosity which supported people. They wanted to -see the sequel, just as when one reads a novel, or sees a play. - -The Norwegian, for his part, had never found an aim in life. Religion -certainly said that one should be improved here below, but he had only -seen himself forced into situations from which he emerged worse than -before. One certainly became a little more tolerant towards one's -brother-men, but this tolerance strongly resembled moral laxity. -Those who smile indulgently at others' crimes are not far from being -criminals themselves. When in conversation it was alleged that one -should love one's fellow-men, he used to deliver himself of his final -sentiment as follows: "I neither love them nor hate them; I put up with -them as they put up with me." - -The fact that he was never entirely crushed by a sorrow sprang from -his having an indistinct suspicion that life had no complete reality, -but was a dream stage, and that our actions, even the worst of them, -were carried out under the influence of some strong suggestive power -other than ourselves. He therefore felt himself to a certain extent -irresponsible. He did not deny his badness, but knew also that in his -innermost being there was an upward, striving spirit which suffered -from the humiliation of being confined in a human body. It was this -inner personality which possessed the sensitive conscience, which could -sometimes, to his alarm, press forward and become sentimental, weeping -over his or her wretchedness--which of the two, it was hard to say. -Then his second self laughed at the foolishness of the first, and this -"divine frivolity," as he called it, served him better than morbid -brooding. - -When he came home from his work, he found his door shut. Full of -foreboding, he knocked and uttered his own name. When the door opened, -his young, wild wife fell on his neck. It seemed to him quite natural -and simple, as though he had left her two minutes before. She spoke not -a word of reproach, inquiry, or explanation, but only this: "Have you -much money or little?" - -"Why do you ask that?" - -"Because I have much, and want a good dinner in Copenhagen." - -In this they were agreed, and such was their reunion. And why not? Two -months of torture were forgotten and obliterated as though they had -never been; the disgrace of a separation about which people had perhaps -already gossiped, had vanished. - -"If anyone asked me," he said, "about what we had quarrelled I would -not be able to remember." - -"Nor I, either. But, therefore, we will never, never part again. We -must not separate for half a day, or everything goes crazy." - -This was certainly the wisest plan, he thought, and so did she. And yet -one recollection came into his mind of Dover and another of London, -when they were not apart for a moment, and just for that very reason -everything went quite crazy. But they must not be too particular. - -"And how is the old father?" he asked. - -"Ah, he was so fond of you that I became jealous." - -"I have noticed that. How did he receive you?" - -"Well, I won't talk about that. But it was for your sake, so I forgave -him." Even at that she could smile, as indeed she could at everything. - -Well then, we will feast to-day, and work to-morrow. - - -[Footnote 1: Intimate friends thus address each other in Swedish.] - -[Footnote 2: _Vide_ Horace.] - - - -VI - - -The autumn brought what the spring had promised, but not fulfilled. -They lived in a good boarding-house, high up certainly, but with a view -over the sea. Each of them kept up a slight intercourse with former -friends so that they were not always _tête-à-tête_. The sun shone, -money came in, and life was easy. This lasted for two unforgettable -months without a cloud. There was boundless confidence on both sides, -without a trace of jealousy. On one occasion, when she had tried -mischievously to arouse his, he had said to her: "Don't play with -madness! Be sure that with such play you only arouse my abhorrence and -my hatred at the same time, when you introduce into my mental pictures -of you the image of another man." - -But she herself was jealous, even of his male friends, and drove -Ilmarinen away. There were ladies at the table d'hôte, and each time -that he addressed one of them, she became so indisposed that she had -to get up and go. There was no occasion to mistrust his faithfulness -to her, but her imperiousness was so boundless, that she could not -endure his imparting his thoughts to another, man or woman. When she -conducted some business transactions for him with publishers she -exceeded her authority and acted rather as his guardian than as his -helper. He had to warn her: "Remember what I said! If you misuse the -power I have given you, I will overthrow you like a tyrant." He did not -doubt her goodwill but her want of insight and exaggerated ideas of -his capacities caused him inconvenience, and even loss of money. When -he took away from her the authority to act for him, she behaved like a -naughty child, brought everything into confusion and threw it away as -worthless. Accordingly, the way was prepared for the inevitable result. - -One Sunday morning they had a disagreement on an important subject, -and at last he had shut the door between their two rooms. Then he went -out. On his return, he found a letter from his wife saying she had -gone to a family which they knew in the country, and would be back in -the evening. In order to let her feel what solitude is like he made -an engagement for the evening with some friends. The evening came. He -went out, but about ten o'clock, thinking it cruel to remain longer, he -returned home. When he tried to open his door, he found it shut from -within. - -"Aha!" he thought. "This is her plan to make me listen to a -curtain-lecture in her room." He rang for the servant. "Is my wife at -home?" - -"No, she came home at nine, but went out again, in order to meet you, -sir." - -"Very well, open the door of my wife's room." That was done, but the -door of his room remained locked, as he had locked it himself in the -morning. Then he made his decision, closed the outer door of the flat, -and took possession of his wife's room. After an hour she came and -knocked. Her husband answered through the closed door: "You can take my -room; I hope you can open it." - -When she found she could not she began to form suspicions and thought -he had shut himself in with someone. She naturally would not endure -the scandal but sent for the police, on the pretext that a thief had -been there, and perhaps was still in the room. The police came; the -Norwegian dressed himself and admitted them, and they broke open the -door between the two rooms. At the same time the door leading to the -corridor was opened. A servantmaid said she thought she had heard steps -inside the room. Before the open window stood a chair so placed as -though someone had stood on it in order to climb on the roof. A thief -then (or a woman) had clambered on the roof. The police went on it -with lanterns, and some of the inmates of the boarding-house followed. -A shadow moved by a chimney. A cry rose: "There he is!" The police -declared that they could not climb the steep slate roof, and advised -them to send for the fire brigade. "But that costs fifty crowns," -objected the Norwegian. His wife signed a requisition for it, but her -husband tore it in two. Meanwhile a crowd had collected in the street; -the neighbouring roofs were also full of spectators. A cry was raised: -"There he is!" They had seized a fellow who had joined the searchers -with the good intention of catching the thief. A maid recollected -that in the afternoon a traveller had arrived and was sleeping in a -neighbouring attic from which he could have easily got into the room. -The police made their way into the attic, searched through his papers -and found nothing. All the attics were ransacked without result, and at -midnight the police departed. - -Then the young wife wished to begin with a whole series of -explanations, but her husband was tired of the whole nonsense and could -explain nothing. Therefore, since nothing more was to be done, he -carried his wife into her room and shut the door between them for the -second time that day! - -This demoniacal adventure was never cleared up. The Norwegian did -not believe there had been a thief, for nothing was missing from the -rooms; he thought that his young wife, who had seen many plays, had -stuck something in the lock, and that then devils had continued the -performance of the comedy. He did not try to elicit what his wife -thought, for then he would have been entangled in a web of necessary -lies. He therefore made a stroke of erasure through the whole affair. -The next morning they were again good friends, but not quite so good as -before. - -How disunion between a married pair arises has not yet been explained. -They love one another, only flourish in each other's society, have not -different opinions, and suffer when they are separated; their whole -united self-interest enjoins them to keep the peace, because it is they -especially who suffer when it is not kept. Nevertheless, a little cloud -arises, one knows not whence; all merits are transformed into faults, -beauty becomes ugliness and they confront each other like two hissing -snakes; they wish each other miles away, although they know that if -they are separated for a moment there begins the pain of longing, which -is greater than any other pain in life. - -Here physiology and psychology are non-plussed. Swedenborg in his -"Conjugal Love" is the only one who has even approached the solution of -the problem, and he has seen that for that purpose higher factors must -be taken into consideration than come into the mental purview of most -people. - -This is why a married pair who love each other are obliged again and -again to wonder why they hate one another, i.e. why they flee one -another although they seek one another. Married people who are slightly -acquainted with Ganot's "Physics" may note the resemblance of this -phenomenon to that of the electricised elder-pith balls, but this -will not make them either wiser or happier. Love indeed presents all -the symptoms of lunacy, hallucination, or seeing beauty where none -exists; profoundest melancholy, varying with extreme hilarity without -any transition stage; unreasonable hate; distortions of each other's -real opinions (so-called "misunderstandings"); persecution mania, when -one believes the other is setting spies and laying snares; sometimes -indeed attempts on each other's life, especially with poison. All -this has reasons which lie below the surface. The question arises, -whether through a married pair's living together, the evil thoughts -of one, while still unripened, are not quite clearly apprehended and -interpreted by the other, as though they had already entered into -consciousness, with the express purpose of being carried into action. -Nothing annoys a man more than to have his secret thoughts read, and -that only a married pair can do to each other. They cannot conceal -their dark secrets; one anticipates the other's intentions, and -therefore they easily form the idea that they spy on each other, as -indeed they actually do. Therefore they fear no one's look so much -as each other's, and are so defenceless against one another. Each is -accompanied by a judge who condemns the evil desire while yet in the -germ, although no one is answerable for his thoughts to the civic law. - -Accordingly, in marrying, one enters into a relation which stands a -grade higher than ordinary life, makes severer demands, more exacting -claims, and operates with more finely developed spiritual resources. -Therefore the Christian Church made marriage a sacrament, and regarded -it rather as a purgatory than a pleasure. Swedenborg in his explanation -of it, also inclines this way. - -A married pair are ostensibly one, but cannot be really so. As a -punishment they are condemned to feel thorns when they wish to gather -roses. According to the proverb: "Omnia vincit amor" the power of love -is so boundless, that if it were allowed uncontrolled sway, the order -of the universe would be endangered. It is a crime to be happy, and -therefore happiness must be chastised. - -Our frivolous friends must have felt something of this, for when they -had had a tiff, they reconciled themselves without explanations and -without alleging reasons, as though it was not they who were to blame -for the discord but a third unknown person who had brought about all -the confusion. - -They did so on this occasion also, but the peace did not last long. -Some days afterwards an indisputable fact was apparent, which in -ordinary marriages is accepted with mixed feelings, but in this one met -with decided disapproval. The wife was beside herself: "Now you have -ruined my career; I shall sink down to the level of a nurse and how -shall we support ourselves?" - -There awoke in her a personal grudge against her husband which -degenerated into hatred. She was an example of the "independent" woman -who protests against the supposed injustice of Nature in assigning all -the discomfort to her. She forgets that this brief period of pain is -followed by an extreme and long-lasting joy which is quite unknown to -men. - -Here reasonable considerations were naturally of no avail, and when -there were no more smiles, the situation became serious. The scenes -between them assumed a tragic character, and just at this crisis an -action was brought against him for his last-published book, which was -confiscated at the same time. Autumn passed, and one felt that the -sun had gone. The cheerful top-floor room changed into a never-tidied -sick-room--became narrow. - -Her hatred increased continually; she could not go into society, nor -to theatres, and hardly on the street. What most annoyed her was the -fact that the doctor who had been summoned to declare that she had a -dangerous disease, hitherto unknown, only smiled, saying that all the -symptoms were normal, and ordered soda-water. Instead of an intelligent -friend, the Norwegian found a malicious, spoilt, unreasonable child -at his side, and longed to be out of all this wretchedness. All -conversation ceased, and they only carried on communications by -writing. But there is a kind of malice bordering on the disgraceful -and infamous, which is hard to define but easy to recognise. That is -the original sin in human nature, the positive wish to injure without -cause, and without being justified in taking vengeance or exacting -retribution. This kind of malice is hardly forgivable. - -One day he received a scrap of paper on which something was written -which prevented him going to her room again. Then came her ultimatum; -she resolved to go to her relations the next day. - -"I wish you a happy journey," he answered. In the dusk of the early -morning a white form stood by his bedside stretching out its arms -pleadingly for forgiveness. He did not move but let it stand there. -Then she fell to the ground, and he let her lie, like an overthrown -statue. - -Whence the soft-hearted man, who was always ready to forgive, derived -this firmness, this inhuman hardness, he could not understand, but it -seemed to him to be imposed on him from without like a duty, or a fiery -ordeal which he must go through. He went to sleep again. Then he awoke -and dressed. He entered the empty room and was conscious of the void. -Everything was irrevocably at an end! - -A severe agitation was needed to bring his ego uppermost, and he -resolved to drain a draught which was unsurpassed for bitterness. He -went back to his native land, from which he had been banished. - -When he got on the steamer for Christiania, he wrote a farewell letter -to the captain, went on deck with his revolver, and thought of finding -his grave in the Kattegat. Why did he not carry out this intention? Let -him say who can! At last he found himself in a small provincial hotel. -But why had it to be precisely the one in which Lais's friends and -relations lived and dominated the social circle in which he must move? -He could only regard that as a mean stroke on the part of Destiny, for -on this occasion he was not to blame at all. - -Meanwhile he sat as on an ant-heap in an alien and hostile environment. -For three days long he asked himself: "What have I got to do here?" And -he answered: "What indeed have you to do anywhere?" So he remained. -For three days he asked himself: "What have you to do in life?" and -questioned of the where, whence and whither. As an answer, the revolver -lay on the table. - -Hamburg, London, and Rügen began to shine like pleasant memories in -comparison with this place of exile. It was so dreadful that he was -astonished at the inventiveness of Destiny in devising new tortures -which ever increased in severity. His room in the hotel was a suicide's -room, i.e. a combination of discomfort and uncanniness. He was again -haunted by the old idea he used to have: "I shall not get alive out -of this room; here I must end my days." His capacity for hoping was -exhausted. He seemed to be dropping downwards towards the empty void -which began to close round him like the last darkness. - -On the fourth day he received a letter from his sister-in-law in which -she told him that his little wife was going on well. At the same time -she proposed that he and his wife should spend the winter in a little -town in Alster, so that her relations could now and then visit his -wife who, in her present condition, needed help and advice. - -It was, then, not at an end! And these pains of death had been endured -in vain; he had not needed them in order to be taught to miss his wife. -It was not over yet, and he began to live again. - -As a proof that he had completely come to the end of himself it may -be mentioned that the papers in those days contained a notice of his -death. He wrote to contradict this in a vein of gloomy irony. He was -tormented for three days more by having to run about to collect the -journey money. - -When the train at last stopped at the little station, he saw first of -all his wife's pale face. It looked certainly somewhat exhausted by -suffering, but beamed at the same time with some of that glorifying -radiance which motherhood bestows. When her eyes discovered him, her -face lit up. - -"She loves me," he said to himself. And he began to live again -literally not figuratively. - -"Are you well?" he asked almost shyly. - -"Yes I am," she whispered, burying like a child her face in his great -cloak and kissing the edge of it. - -"What are you doing? What are you doing?" - -And she hid her face in his mantle in order not to show the emotion, of -which she was always ashamed. - -They had engaged two very inferior rooms; one was dark and the other -uncomfortable, looking out on a factory. His wife worked in the kitchen -and resigned herself to her fate, for her maternal feelings were -aroused, though not yet completely. He suffered when he saw her toiling -the whole day at the kitchen-range and in the scullery, and sometimes -felt a twinge of conscience. - -When he wished to help her to carry something heavy, she refused to be -helped, for she insisted strongly that he should not be seen engaged -in any feminine occupation, nor would she allow him to wait on her -or to do her any small service. All storms were over now; a quiet -stillness prevailed; the days passed one after the other in unvaried -monotony. They lived alone together and had no social intercourse nor -distractions. - -But poverty came. The trial about his book had frightened the -publishers and theatres. But the worst of all was that he could not -write. - -And what he could write, he did not wish to, for the plot of the story -affected a family to whom he owed a debt of gratitude. Now when he -would soon have two families to provide for, he trembled before the -future with its increased duties, for a growing dislike to exercise his -calling as an author had finally culminated in disgust. - -What an occupation--to flay his fellow-creatures and offer their skins -for sale. Like a hunter who, when pressed hard by hunger, cuts off -his dog's tail, eats the flesh, and gives the bone--its own bone--to -the dog. What an occupation to spy out people's secrets, expose the -birth-marks of his best friend, dissect his wife like a rabbit for -vivisection, and act like a Croat, cutting down, violating, burning, -and selling. Fie! - -In despair he sat down and wrote from his notes a survey of the most -important epochs of the world's history. He hoped, or in his need -imagined that he might in this way strike out a new path for himself as -an historian, which had been the dream of his youth, before he became -an author. - -His wife knew what he was writing and that it would bring in no money, -but controlled herself; perhaps his ardent conviction had persuaded -her that there was something in it. She did not complain, but on the -contrary cheered him up and offered to translate the work into English. - -A month passed, quiet, peaceful but melancholy. They felt that they -were not enough for each other in this absolute loneliness. They -lamented it but sought for no society. He, with wider experience than -hers, hoped that the child on its arrival would be satisfying company -for them both. - -Meanwhile poverty approached nearer. None of his plays were performed -or sold, and not one of the hopes of spring had been realised. His -children by his first marriage clamoured for money, and food began -to be scarce in the house. Then came deliverance in the form of an -invitation to spend the winter with his wife's grandparents. - -One evening in December they alighted at a little station in Jutland, -and drove through woods and wild heath. Everything was new and strange. -In this house he was now to live as a grandchild, just as during the -past summer in her father's house he had been for eight days a child. - -They reached the ferry in the twilight. The drifting of the ice had -begun, but the water had also sunk so low that a sand-bank lay in the -middle of the stream, and there a new boat waited for them. From thence -a large, white, three-storied house was visible; it looked unfriendly, -almost weird, with its projecting wings and high, illuminated windows. - -They reached the land and found themselves immediately in the ghostly -castle. They were conducted up whitewashed stairs over which hung -dark oil-paintings in black frames. Then he found himself in a warm, -well-lighted room, among her relatives, of whom he only knew his -mother-in-law. - -With his incredible pliability, he immediately adapted himself to -his position, and behaved like the young relation who under all -circumstances must show reverence to his elders. - -Here in the house his right of self-determination ceased; he must -conform to other people's views, wills, and habits. In order to spare -himself unpleasantness, he had resolved beforehand to have no more -likes and dislikes of his own, but to accept all that was offered to -him, however strange or repulsive it might appear. - -The old grandfather was a notary and barrister who had retired with -considerable wealth, and only managed his estate as far as was -necessary for domestic purposes and for his own amusement. Most of his -property consisted of hunting-ground and was in that state of neglect -which a townsman finds picturesque. He and his wife were both over -seventy, and seemed only to be waiting for their end with the cheerful -resignation of good-natured, orthodox Catholics who are free from care. -They had already built for themselves a mausoleum in the garden where -their bodies were to repose, and they were accustomed to show it as -other people show a summer-house. It was a little whitewashed chapel, -with flowers planted round it, which they used to tend as though they -already stood there in memory of them. - -In the house there was a superfluity of good things. After having -been half-starved in Alster here they found it difficult to avoid -gluttony, without vexing their host. Pheasants, hare, venison were -regular standing dishes which at last became a weariness. "This is our -punishment," he said, "because we complained of the manna; now we are -stuffed with quails like the murmuring Israelites so that it comes out -at our throats." - -A stillness like that of old age supervened; there was no need of -care or anxiety in this house where there were as many servants as -members of the family. It was easy to live with the old people, who had -outgrown special interests, views and passions, and the young pair, -who had their own rooms apart, only needed to appear at meal-times. - -The young wife was now altogether a mother, talked of and with the -unborn child as though she knew it well; she was mild and womanly, -humble and even thankful towards her husband, whose affections remained -unaltered though her shape was disfigured and her beauty faded. - -"How beautiful life is!" she said. - -"Yes it is; but how long will it last?" - -"Hush!" - -"I will be silent! But you know that happiness is punished." - -No one asked what he was working at; on the contrary all that he heard -was: "You should do nothing but take a thorough rest after your wild -rushing about." - -Accordingly he sent for some books which had been given him some years -previously by a rich man and which he had been obliged to send back -home. Then he began a series of systematic investigations, studied -and made notes. He felt a new life and fresh interests awaken; and -when he now found his former hypothesis and calculations verified by -synthesis and analysis he became certain that he was working by a sure -method, and in the right way. This gave him such confidence that he -felt justified in pursuing his investigations, but because he could -not explain their significance to the uninitiated, his position became -somewhat insecure. People had to take him on good faith; they did that -so long as peace prevailed, but at the first sign of antipathy he would -be helplessly exposed to the ridicule or contemptuous pity of the -bystanders. - -The grandfather was a cultivated man, and therefore curious to know -what was going on in the young pair's rooms. When he inquired, he -received evasive answers, but since he had been a magistrate and -barrister, he required definiteness. When he heard what the Norwegian's -investigations were concerned with, he confuted them with the authority -of the text books. In order to put an end to fruitless strife, his -young relative let him believe he was right. But the old man tried -to provoke him into contradiction, assumed a superior air and became -intrusive. He was allowed to be so for the present. - -"Nothing for nothing!" thought the Norwegian. His wife thanked him for -his yieldingness and admired his self-control. But discord was fated to -come, and it came. - -The lawsuit in Copenhagen about his book extended its operations here -also, and one day a court officer came to summon him to appear as -defendant in the court of the nearest town. Since he had from the -beginning challenged the jurisdiction of the Copenhagen court, because -as a Norwegian writer he was not responsible to a Danish court, on -account of a translation; and since he regarded the whole proceedings -as illegal, which indeed they were, he refused to appear. The old man -on the other hand insisted that he should do so, especially, perhaps, -because he did not like to see gendarmes coming to his house. - -To put an end to the matter, the Norwegian really resolved one morning -to go and present his challenge personally in court. - -He therefore went at eight o'clock and followed the beautiful walk -along the river. But about half-way he met the postman and received, -by paying cash on its delivery, a long-expected book. This book was -extremely expensive, and since he had no money, he had been obliged -to devise a plan in order to secure it. After thinking about it for -a month, he remembered that he had some valuables stowed away in a -box in an attic in Norway. He therefore wrote to a friend and asked -him to sell the things for a price equivalent to the purchase of the -expensive book, to change the money into notes and to send them in -an unregistered letter so that no one might know of it. He did this -because he felt he was stealing from his wife and family, but it had to -be done, as he wished to solve an important problem. As he now held the -long-desired means for doing so in his hand, he felt a lightning flash -in his soul, and turned home without thinking. - -"Now, I will finish the business," he said to himself; "the gendarmes -can come afterwards." - -As he entered the courtyard the old man stood there, cutting up a deer -which he had shot. The Norwegian sought to slip past him unperceived, -but did not succeed. - -"Have you already been to the judge?" asked the old man sceptically. - -"No," answered the Norwegian curtly, and hurried through the -house-door. He ran up the stairs to his room and bolted the door. Then -he sat down to study. After half an hour he said to himself: "Is the -greatest problem of modern times solved?" There was a knock at the -door, and then another hard and decided. He was obliged to open it in -order to get quiet. - -"Why don't you go to the judge?" asked the old man. - -"That's nothing to do with you," he answered and slammed the door to -with a sound like a shot. - -But now there was no more peace for him! He felt that a crisis had come -in his destiny, and he heard voices below. His hand trembled, he felt -as though paralysed and closed the book which contained what he sought. -At the same moment he lost confidence and dared not face what seemed a -contradictory proof of his theory. - -After some minutes his mother-in-law came. She was not angry, but found -it unpleasant to have to tell him that he and his wife must leave the -house at once, before dinner. They could have her little one-storied -cottage at the bottom of the garden and have their meals sent from the -house. His little wife appeared and danced with joy at the thought that -they would have a little house of their own, especially with a garden -and park round it. - -The change took place, and now in this cottage began the two happiest -months in the life of the married pair. Their cottage of grey stone, -with little iron-barred windows framed in sandstone, was quite idyllic. -It was built in convent style and covered with vine-creepers. The walls -of the rooms were painted white, without any hangings, and the low -ceilings were supported by thick beams black with age. - -He had a little room constructed like a real monk's cell, narrow and -long with a single small window at the end. The walls were so thick -that flower-pots could stand outside in front of the window, as well as -inside on the window-ledge. The furniture was old-fashioned and suited -its surroundings. Here he arranged his library, and never had he felt -so comfortable before. - -But now they had to prepare for the coming of the child. Husband and -wife painted the window-sills and doors. Roses and clematis were -planted before the cottage. The garden was dug up and sown. In order to -fill up the blank spaces of the great white walls, he painted pictures -on them. When all was ready they sat down and admired the work of their -hands. "It is splendid," they said; "and now we can receive the child. -Think how pleased it will be, to see so many pictures the first day!" - -They waited and hoped; during the long spring evenings they only -talked of him or her, guessed which it would be, discussed what name -it should have, and speculated on its future. His wife's thoughts for -the most part were occupied in wondering whether it would be fair and -resemble his boy, whom she loved. She and her family were especially -fond of fair people, whether because they resembled light, while the -dusky-complexioned reminded one of darkness, would be difficult to -say. They believed everything good of fair people and spoke ill of the -Jews, although the little wife's grandmother on the paternal side was a -Jewess; among her maternal relations who sprang from Schleswig-Holstein -peasantry the word "Jew" was used as a term of reproach. The -Norwegian's father-in-law was an anti-Semite but when he joked at the -paradox involved in this, his wife said: "You must not joke at it; we -will do that ourselves." - -At last one day in May as the sun rose, the coming of the unknown -traveller was heralded, and after twelve terrible hours it proved to be -a girl who at any rate was not dark-haired. - -This ought to have completed the idyll, but it seemed, on the contrary, -to put an end to it. The little one did not seem to thrive in this vale -of tears, but cried day and night. Nurses were engaged and nurses were -dismissed. Five women filled the house and each had different views as -to the rearing of the child. The father went about like a criminal and -was always in the way. His wife thought that he did not love the child -and this vexed her so much as to make her suffer. At the same time she -herself was completely transformed into a mother to the exclusion of -everything else. She had the child in her own bed, and could spend the -greater part of the night sitting on a chair absorbed in contemplation -of its beauty as it slept. Her husband had also to come sometimes and -join in her admiration, but he thought the mother most beautiful in -those moments when she forgot herself and gazed ecstatically at her -child with a happy smile. - -But a storm approached from without. The people of the neighbourhood -were superstitious, and the child's continual crying had given rise to -gossip. They began to ask whether it had been baptised. - -According to law the child should be baptised in the father's religion, -but since both he and the mother were indifferent in the matter, the -baptism was postponed as something of no importance, especially as -there was no Catholic priest in the neighbourhood. - -The child's crying was really not normal, and as the popular opinion of -the neighbourhood began to find expression, the grandmother came and -asked them to have it baptised. "People are murmuring," she said; "and -they have already threatened to stone your cottage." - -The young unbelievers did not credit this, but smiled. The murmurings, -however, increased; it was alleged that a peasant woman had seen the -devil in the garden, and that the foreign gentleman was an atheist. -There was some foundation for this report, for people who met the two -heretics on the roads turned away. At last there came an ultimatum -from the old man. "The child must receive Catholic baptism within -twenty-four hours or the family will be deported across the Belt." - -The Norwegian answered: "We Protestants are very tolerant in our -belief, but if it is made a financial matter, we can be as fanatical as -some Catholics." The position was serious, for the young pair had not -a penny for travelling expenses. His letter was answered with a simple -"Then go!" - -The Norwegian replied: "To be a martyr for a faith which one does not -possess is somewhat fantastic, and I did not expect that we should play -the Thirty Years War over again down here. But look out! The Norwegian -will come and take his daughter off with his baggage, for he is a -Norwegian subject." - -The grandees in the large house began to take a milder tone, but -consulted and devised a stratagem. The child was announced to be ill -and became worse every day. At last the grandmother came with her -retinue and told the father that the child could live no longer, but -he did not believe it. On his return from a long walk in the woods -the same day he was met by his wife with the news that the child had -received discretionary baptism at the hands of the midwife in the -presence of the doctor. - -"Into which faith has the child been baptised?" asked the father. - -"The Protestant, of course." - -"But I don't see how a Catholic midwife can give Protestant baptism." -But as he saw that his wife was privy to the plot, he said no more. The -next day the child was well, and there was no more talk of expelling -the family. The grandees had conquered. Jesuits! - -The child, which had been expected to unite the pair more closely to -each other, seemed to have come to separate them. The mother thought -the father cold towards the little one. "You don't love your child," -she said. - -"Yes I do, but as a father," he replied. "You should love her as a -mother. That is the difference." - -The fact was that he feared to attach himself too closely to the newly -born, for he felt that a separation from the mother was in the air, and -to be tied to her by means of the child he felt to be a fetter. - -She on her side did not know exactly how she wished to have it. If he -loved the child, it might happen that he would take it from her when he -went away; if he did not love it, he would simply go by himself. For -that he would go she felt sure. He had had a dramatic success at Paris -in the spring, and another play of his was announced for the autumn. He -therefore wished to go there, and so did she, but the child hindered -her movements, and if he went alone to Paris, she felt she would -never see him again. Many letters with French postmarks came for him -now, and these roused her curiosity, for he burnt them at once. This -last circumstance, which was quite contrary to his habit, aroused her -suspicion and hatred. - -"You are preparing for a journey?" she said one evening. - -"Yes, naturally," he answered. "I cannot live in this uncertainty; I -might be put out on the high road at any time." - -"You think of deserting us?" - -"I must leave you in order to do my business in Paris. A business -journey is not desertion." - -"Yes, then you can go," she said, betraying herself. - -"I shall go as soon as I get the money for which I am waiting." - -Now the Fury in her reappeared. First of all he had to move up into an -attic, and although she and the child had the use of two rooms, she -deliberately spoilt the remaining third room which was the dining-room -and contained specially good furniture. She tore down the curtains, -took away the pictures, choked up the room with child's clothes and -milk bottles with the sole purpose of showing him who was master in -the house. The rooms looked now as though demons had dwelt in them; -crockery, kitchen utensils, and children's clothes were strewn on the -beds and sofas. - -She dished up bad meals and the food was often burnt. One day she set -before him a plate of bones which the dogs seemed to have gnawed, and -a water bottle. This last was an expression of the greatest contempt, -for the cellars were full of beer, and no servant ever engaged himself -without stipulating that he should have beer at meals. Accordingly he -was reckoned beneath the men and maidservants. But he kept patient and -silent, for he knew that the journey money would arrive. This, however, -did not prevent his disgust rising to an equal height with her hatred. - -He lived now in dirt, destitution, and wretchedness; heard nothing -but scolding and shrieking between his wife and the nurse, his wife -and the maidservant, his wife and her mother, while the child cried -continually. He had an attack of fever and inflammation of the throat, -and lay on his bed in the attic. She did not believe that he was ill -and let him lie there. On the third day he sent for the doctor, for -he could not even drink water. Then his Fury appeared in the doorway. -"Have you sent for the doctor?" she asked. "Do you know what that -costs?" - -"Anyhow it will be cheaper than a funeral, and it may be diphtheria, -which is dangerous for the child." - -"Do you think of the child?" - -"Yes, a little." - -If she could now have dropped him into the sea, she would have done it. -But she treated him as though he had the plague. The child, her child, -was in danger! - -"I have experienced much," he said in a whisper, "but never have I seen -such intense malice in anyone." And he wept, perhaps for the first time -in twenty years; wept over her unworthiness, and perhaps also over his -fate and his humiliation. When he regarded his position objectively -it seemed monstrous that he, a distinguished man in his own line, -should, without fault of his own, lead such a wretched life that even -the maidservant pitied him. Since he had entered his relative's house, -his behaviour; had been unimpeachable. He did not even drink, if only -for the reason that there was nothing to drink. Since his arrival, his -plays had met with success, but instead of making him more respected, -as success generally does in the case of ordinary mortals, it only -tended to deepen hatred and studied contempt. The fact that he had -accepted hospitality from very rich relatives was not bound to weigh -heavily on his mind, for he was now legal heir to half the property. -But as hate now raged, he was told what his expenses were, and mention -was made of payment. - -Again the idea he had formerly had recurred to him, that there was -something more than natural in all this, and that an unseen hand was -controlling his destiny. The inexplicable non-arrival of the journey -money seemed especially designed to prolong his sufferings. When other -letters, which he looked for, did not come, he began to suspect that -his wife had a finger in the matter. He began to watch the mail-bag -which the postman brought, and to write to the post office; naturally, -the only result was further ignominy. - -Without having any definite belief, he found himself in a kind of -religious crisis. He felt how he sank in this environment where -everything hinged on the material and only the animal side of things -was prominent--food and excrement, nurses regarded as milch cows, cooks -and decaying vegetables; then endless discussions and the display of -physical necessities which are usually concealed. At the same time -excessively heavy rain had flooded a corridor and two rooms; the water -could not be drained off but stagnated and stank. The garden went to -ruin as no one looked after it. - -Then he longed that he could get far away, somewhere where there was -light and purity, peace, love, and reconciliation. He dreamed again -his old dream of a convent within whose walls he might be sheltered -from the world's temptations and filth, where he might forget and be -forgotten. But he lacked faith and the capacity for obedience. - -Literature at that period had been long haunted by this idea of a -convent. In Berlin the suggestion had been made to found a convent -without a creed for the "intellectuals." These at a time when -industrial and economical questions took the first place, were -uncomfortable in the dense atmosphere of a materialism which they -themselves had been seduced into preaching. He now wrote to a rich -friend of his in Paris regarding the founding of such a convent; drew -up a plan for the building, laid down rules, and went into details -regarding the coenobitic life and tasks of the convent brothers. This -was in August, 1894. The object proposed was the education of man to -superman through asceticism, meditation, and the practice of science, -literature, and art. Religion was not mentioned, for one did not know -what the religion of the future would be, or whether it would possess -one at all. - -His wife noticed that he was becoming separated from her, but -she believed that he was thinking of Paris with its vanities and -distractions, its theatres and cafés, gallant adventures and thirst -for gold. His possible plans excited her fear and envy. As regards -his historical studies, her supercilious smiling had ceased after he -had received words of encouragement from a great German and a famous -French authority, and naturally had been obliged to show their letters -in order to protect himself. Since she could no longer criticise his -ideas she carried the strife on to another ground and began to plague -him with insidious questions as to how much he earned by his historical -studies. - -When his wife was angry she went to the old people and narrated all the -small and great secrets which a married pair have between themselves; -she also repeated what he in moments of irritation had said about them. -She was sorry afterwards, but then it was too late. The spirit of -discord was aroused, and the storm could no longer be allayed. - -When he happened to have money and offered to contribute towards -domestic expenses, they were annoyed at his want of tact in wishing to -pay rich relatives for inviting him; when he had no money then they -uttered jeremiads over the dearness of everything and sent him the -doctor's bill. In a word, nothing could be done with such uncontrolled -and incorrigible people. - -He often thought of going on foot and seeking some fellow-countrymen -with whose help he might proceed farther. But every time he made the -attempt he turned back, as though he had been enchanted and spellbound, -to the little stream where the cottage stood. He had spent some happy -days there, and the memory of these held him fast. Moreover, he was -thankful for the past and felt love to the child, though he dared not -show it, for then the little one would have become a lime-twig to -fetter his wings. - -One day he had taken a longer walk than usual among the picturesque -flooded meadows where the deer sported; the pheasants shot out of the -bushes like rockets, their feathers shining with a metallic gleam; the -storks fished in the marsh and the loriots piped in the poplars. Here -he felt well, for it was a lonely landscape where no one ventured to -build a house for fear of the great floods. - -For three-quarters of a year he had come here alone every morning. He -did not even let his wife accompany him, for he wished to have this -landscape for himself, to see it exclusively with his eyes, and to hear -no one else's voice there. If he ever saw this horizon again, he did -not wish to be reminded of anyone else. - -Here, accordingly, he was accustomed to find himself again himself and -no one else. Here he obtained his great thoughts and here he held his -devotions. The incomprehensible events of the last weeks and his deep -suffering had caused him to change the word "destiny" for "Providence," -meaning thereby that a conscious personal Being guided his course. In -order to have a name, he now called himself a Providentialist--in other -words he believed in God without being able to define more distinctly -what he meant by that belief. - -To-day he felt a pang of melancholy shoot through him as though he -were saying farewell to these meadows and thickets. Something was -impending which he foreboded and feared. - -On coming home, he found the house empty; his wife and child were gone. -When he at last discovered the maidservant and asked where his wife -was, she answered impertinently: "She has gone away." - -"Where?" - -"To Odense." - -He did not know whether he believed it or not. But he found a great -charm in the silence and emptiness. He breathed unpoisoned air, enjoyed -the solitude, and went to his work with the imperturbable calm of a -Buddha. His travelling-bag was already packed, and the journey money -might come any day. - -The afternoon passed. As he looked out of the window, he noticed an -unusual stillness round the great house; none of the family were to be -seen. But a maidservant was going to and fro between the cottage and -the house as though she were giving information. Once she asked if he -wished for anything. "I wish for nothing," he answered. And that was -the truth, for his last wish to get out of all this misery had been -fulfilled without his having taken a step towards it. He ate his supper -alone and enjoyed it; then remained sitting at the table and smoked. -His mind accepted this fortunate equipoise of the scales, ready to sink -on whichever side it pleased. He guarded himself from forming any wish, -fearing lest his wish might be crossed. - -But he expected something. "If I know women rightly," he said to -himself, "she will not be able to sleep to-night without sending a -messenger to see whether the victim is suffering according to her -calculations." - -And sure enough his mother-in-law came. "Good evening," she said; "are -you sitting here alone, my son?" - -With the stoicism of an Indian before the fire which is to roast him, -he answered: "Yes, I am sitting alone." - -"And what are you thinking of doing now?" - -"Of going, naturally." - -"You seem to take this matter very quietly." - -"Why not?" - -"Maria intends to seek for a separation." - -"I can imagine it." - -"Then you don't love her." - -"You wish that I should love her in order that I may suffer more." - -"Can you suffer--you?" - -"You would be glad if I could." - -"When are you thinking of going?" - -"When I get the journey money." - -"You have said that so often." - -"You don't want to put me out on the high road to-night?" - -"Grandmother is much excited." - -"Then she should read her evening prayers attentively." - -"One doesn't get far with you." - -"No, why should I allow it?" - -"Good night." Then she went. - -He slept well and deeply as if after an event which he had long -expected. - -The next morning he woke up with the distinct idea: "She has not gone; -she is keeping somewhere in the neighbourhood." - -When he went out, he saw the maid getting into the ferry-boat with some -of the child's things. - -"Ha, ha," then he understood. She was waiting on the other side of the -stream. The maid came back soon, after he had watched her manoeuvres on -the other side through his opera-glass. "If I only keep quiet now," he -thought, "the imperialists are routed." - -His mother-in-law came and looked uneasy but yielding. "Well, now you -are alone my son and will never see her any more." - -"Is she then so far away?" - -"Yes." - -He laughed and looked over the water. - -"Well," said the old woman, "since you know it, go after her." - -"No, I won't do that." - -"But she won't come first." - -"First or last, it is all the same to me." - -The boat went to and fro with messages the whole day. - -In the afternoon his mother-in-law came again. "You must take the first -step," she said. "Maria is desperate and will be ill if you don't write -to her and ask her to come again." - -"How do you know that I want to have her again? A wife who remains a -night out of her house has forfeited her conjugal rights and injured -her husband's honour." - -This was an expected parry, and his mother-in-law beat a sudden -retreat. She crossed over in the ferry-boat and remained there till -evening. - -He was sitting in his room and writing when his wife entered with an -air as though she were sorry for his trouble and came in response to -his pressing call. He could have laid her prostrate but did not do so, -being magnanimous towards the conquered. When he had his wife and child -back in the house he found it just as good as when they were away, -perhaps even a little better. - -In the evening the journey money came. His position was now altered, -and he had the keys to the dungeon in his hand. At the same moment his -wife saw the matter from another point of view. "Do you know," she -said, "this life is killing me; I have not read a single book since the -child came, and I have not written an article for a year. I will go -with you to Paris." - -"Let me go in front," he said, "and spy out the land." - -"Then I shall never get away." - -He persuaded her to remain, without having formed any distinct purpose -of leaving her; he only longed to feel himself free for a time at any -rate. - -But she was now ready to leave her child, "the most important person -of all," as she called it, in order to come out into the world and -play a part there. She knew well that he was not going to seek an -uncertain fortune but to reap the fruits of a success which he had -already gained. The ambitious and independent woman again came into -view, perhaps also the envious rival, for she had moments in which -she regarded herself as an author, superior to him. That was when her -friends in a letter had called her a "genius"; this letter she left -lying about that it might be read. - -Fortunately it was not possible for her to travel just now, because her -parents held her back; she had to content herself with the fact that -he, who might be considered as expelled, was leaving her. She became -mild, emotional, and sensitive, so that the parting was really painful. - -So he went out into the world again. As the steamer in the beautiful -autumn evening worked its way up the river, he saw again the cottage, -whose windows were lit up. All the evil and ugliness he had seen there -was now obliterated; he hardly felt a fleeting joy at having escaped -this prison in which he had suffered so terribly. Only feelings of -gratitude and melancholy possessed him. For a moment the bond which -united him to wife and child drew him so strongly that he wanted -to throw himself into the water. But the steamer paddles made some -powerful forward strokes, the bond stretched itself, stretched itself, -and broke! - - * * * * * - -"That was an infernal story," exclaimed the postmaster when the reading -was over. "What can one say about it, except what you yourself have -said in it? But do you think, generally speaking, that marriage will -continue to exist?" - -"Although I regard wife, child and home as desirable objects," answered -the doctor, "I do not think lifelong marriages will be long possible" -for in our days the individual--man or woman--is too egotistic and -desirous of independence. You see yourself the direction which social -evolution is taking. We hear of nothing but discontent and divorce. -I grant that conjugal life demands consideration and yieldingness, -but to live suppressing one's innermost wishes in an atmosphere of -contradiction and contrariety, can only end in producing Furies. You -have been married?" - -The question came somewhat suddenly and the answer was only given with -hesitation: "Yes, I have been married but am not a widower." - -"Divorced then?" - -"Yes! and you?" - -"Divorced." - -"If anyone asked us why, neither you nor I could give a reason." - -"A reason--no. I only know that if we had continued to live together, -I should have ended as a homicide, and she as a murderess. Isn't that -enough?" - -"Quite enough." - -And they took their supper. - - - - -HERR BENGT'S WIFE - - -"What is love? Desire, of course," the young Count answered his old -preceptor, as they both sat below in the cabin and beguiled the time by -talking while waiting off Elfsnabben for a favourable wind for their -journey to the University of Prague. - -"No, young sir," answered Magister Franciscus Olai. "Love is something -quite different and something more, which neither high theology nor -deep philosophy have been able to express. Our over-wise time believes -too little, but that is because our fathers believed too much. I was -present at the beginning of this period, young sir; I helped to pull -down old venerable buildings, ancient, decayed temples of pride and -selfishness; I tore pages out of the holy books and pictures from the -walls of the churches; I was present, young sir, and helped to shut -up the convents, and to announce the abolition of the old faith, but, -sir, there are things which all-powerful Nature herself has founded, -and which we had better not attempt to pull down. I wish to speak now -of Amor or Love, whose fire burns unquenchably when it is rightly -bestowed, but when wrongly, can soon be quenched, or even turn to hate -when things go quite wrong." - -"When then is it rightly bestowed? It cannot be so very often," -answered the Count, settling himself more comfortably on the couch. - -"Often or not, love is like a flash from heaven when it comes, and -then it surpasses all our will and all our understanding, but it is -different with different people, whether it lasts or not. For in this -respect men are born with different dispositions and characters, like -birds or other creatures. Some are like the wood grouse and black cock -who must have a whole seraglio like the grand Turk; why it is so we -know not, but it is so, and that is their nature. Others are like the -small birds which take a mate for each year and then change. Others -again are amiable like doves and build their nests together for life, -and when one of them dies, the other no longer desires to live." - -"Have you seen any human beings corresponding to doves?" asked the -Count doubtfully. - -"I have seen many, dear sir. I have seen wood cocks who have paired -with doves, and the doves have been very unhappy; I have seen male -doves who have wedded a cuckoo, and the cuckoo is the worst of all -birds, for it likes the pleasure of love, but not the trouble of -children, and therefore turns its children out of the nest; but I have -also seen wedded doves, sir." - -"Who never pecked each other?" - -"Yes, I have seen them peck when the nest was narrow, and there was -trouble about food, but still they were good friends, and that is love. -There is also a sea-bird called 'svärt,' sir, which always flies in -pairs. If you shoot one, the other descends and lets itself be shot -too, and therefore the 'svärt' is called the stupidest of all birds." - -"That is in the pairing time, venerable preceptor." - -"No, young sir, they keep together the whole year round and their -pairing time is in spring. In the winter when they have no young ones -with them, but are alone, they eat together, hunt together, and sleep -together. That is not desire, but love, and if this charming feeling -can exist among soulless creatures, why can it not among men?" - -"Yes, I have heard of its being found among men, but that it departs -after marriage." - -"That is mere sensual pleasure, which partly goes, but then love comes." - -"That is only friendship when there is any." - -"Quite right, noble sir, but friendship between those of opposite -sex is just love. But there are so many things and so many sides to -everything. If you like, I will relate a story which I have seen -myself, and from which you may learn something or other. It happened -in my youth, forty years ago, but I remember every detail as though it -happened yesterday. Shall I relate it?" - -"Certainly, preceptor. Time goes slowly when one waits for a favourable -wind. But bring a light and wine before you begin, for I think your -story will not keep one awake." - -"Very likely not you, sir, but it has kept me awake many nights," -answered Franciscus, and went to fetch what was required. When he had -returned and they sat down again on their berths, he began as follows: - -"This is the story of Herr Bengt's wife. She was born of noble -parentage at the beginning of this century. She was strictly brought -up, and, when her parents died, her guardian placed her in a convent. -There she distinguished herself by her intense religious zeal; she -scourged herself on Fridays and fasted on all the greater saint's -days. When she reached the age of puberty, her condition became more -serious, and she actually attempted to starve herself to death, -believing it consistent with the duty of a Christian to kill the flesh -and to live with God in Christ. Then two circumstances contributed to -bring about a crisis in her life. Her guardian fled the country after -having squandered her property, and the convent authorities changed -their behaviour towards her, for it was a worldly institution which did -not at all open its gates for the poor and wretched. When she saw that, -she began to be assailed by doubts. Doubt was the disease of that time -and she had a strong attack of it. Her fellow-nuns believed nothing and -her superiors not much. - -"One day she was sent from the convent to visit a sick person. On the -way, a beautiful lonely forest path, she met a Knight, young, strong, -and handsome. She stood and stared at him as though he had been a -vision; he was the first man she had seen for five years, and the first -man she had seen since she was a woman. He stopped his horse for a -moment, greeted her, and rode on. After that day she was tired of the -convent, and life enticed her. Life with its beauty and attraction drew -her away from Christ; she had attacks of temptation and outbreaks, -and had to spend most of her time in the punishment cell. One day she -received a letter smuggled in by the gardener. It was from the Knight. -He lived on the other side of the lake and she could see his castle -from the window of the cell. The correspondence continued. Faint -rumours began to be circulated that a great change in ecclesiastical -affairs was about to take place and that even the convents were about -to be abolished and the nuns released from their vows. - -"Then hope awoke in her, but at the same time that she learnt that one -could be released from vows, she lost faith in the sanctity of the vow -itself, and at one stroke all restraint gave way. She believed now -rather in the everlasting rights of her instincts in the face of all -social and ecclesiastical laws! - -"At last she was betrayed by a false friend, and the discovery of the -correspondence led to her being condemned to corporal punishment. But -Fate had ordered otherwise, and on the day that the punishment was to -be carried out a messenger came from the King and estates of the realm -with the command that the convent was to be closed. The messenger was -no other than the Knight. He opened for her the doors of the convent in -order to offer her freedom and his hand. That closed the first part of -her career." - -"The first?" remarked the Count, as he lifted the jar of Rhine wine. -"Isn't the story over? They were married." - -"No, sir. That is how stories usually end, but the real beginning is -just there. And I remember the day after the marriage. I had married -them and was her domestic chaplain. The breakfast-table was laid and -she came out of her room, beaming as though the whole earth danced on -her account, and the sun was only set in the sky to give them light. -He was full of courage and felt capable of bearing the whole world on -his shoulders. All his thoughts were intent on making life as kind and -beautiful for her as he could; and she was so happy that she could -neither eat nor drink; she wished only to forget, the existence of the -sinful earth. Well! she had her fancies, springing from the old time -when heaven was all, and earth was nothing; he was a child of the new -age who knew that one must live on earth in order to be able to enter -heaven afterwards." - -"And so things came to a crisis?" interrupted the Count. - -"They came to a crisis, as you say. I remember how he ate at the -breakfast-table like a hungry man, and she only sat and watched him; -but when she talked of birds' songs he talked of roast veal. Then he -noticed how she had thrown her clothes the evening before on a chair in -the dining-room, and reminded her that one must be orderly in a house." - -"Then of course there was hell in the house." - -"No, it was not so dangerous as that. But it brought a cloud over her -sun, and she felt that a breach was opened between them. Still she shut -her eyes in order not to see it, as one does when near a precipice. -Then the sky clouded over again. He had secret, melancholy thoughts -for his harvest-sheaves were on the field, and he knew that his income -depended on them. He wished to take her out to see them, but she begged -him to stay at home and not to talk of earth on that day." - -"Earth! What an idiot!" - -"Yes, yes! She was brought up like that; it was the fault of the -convent which had taught her to despise God's creation. So her husband -remained with her, and proposed that they should go hunting; she -accepted the proposal with joy." - -"A proposal to kill! That was nice!" - -"Yes, according to the views of the period, sir; every period has -its own views. But the sky clouded over once more, for this day was -not a lucky one for the young Knight. The King's bailiff called and -desired a special interview with him. The interview was granted and -the Knight was informed that he would lose his rank as a noble if he -did not supply the quota of arms due from him as the King's vassal, -which he had neglected to do for five years. The Knight had no means of -meeting this demand but the bailiff offered to procure him an advance -in money in exchange for a mortgage on his estate. So the matter was -arranged. But then the question arose how far he should take his wife -into his confidence with regard to this matter. He summoned me in order -to hear my advice. I thought it was a pity that the young wife should -be torn so suddenly out of her dreams of happiness and joy, and I was -short-sighted enough to advise that she should not be told the real -state of affairs till the first year was over." - -"In that you were right! Why should women mix in business? It would -only lead to trouble and confusion and their poor husbands would never -have peace." - -"No, sir, I was wrong, for in a true marriage husband and wife should -have full confidence in each other and be one. And what was the result -in this case? During the year they grew apart from one another. She -lived in her rose-garden and he in the fields; he had secrets concealed -from her and worked desperately without having her as his adviser; -he lived his own life apart and she, hers. When they met, he had to -pretend to be cheerful, and so their whole life became false. Finally -he became tired and withdrew into himself and so did she." - -"And so it was all over with their love." - -"No, sir; it might have been so, but true love goes through worse fires -than these. They loved each other still and that was destined to be -proved by the tests which they were to pass through. - -"Her child came, and with it commenced a new stage of their life -journey. She needed her husband less now for her time was occupied -by looking after the child, and her husband felt freer, for so many -claims were not made on his tenderness as before. She threw herself -heart and soul into the new occupations which absorbed her; she watched -through the nights and toiled through the days and would never give up -the child to a nurse The contact with reality and the little affairs -of life seemed at first to have an intoxicating effect upon her empty -soul and she began to find a certain satisfaction in talking with her -husband about his fields and their cultivation. But this could not -last long. Education lies behind us like the seeds of weeds which may -remain in the ground for a year or two, but which only need proper -cultivation in order to spring up again. One day she looked in the -glass and found that she had become pale, thin, and ugly. She saw that -the bloom of her youth was past, and her charms decayed. Then the woman -awoke in her or rather one side of the mysterious being which is called -a woman: and then came the longing to be beautiful, to please, to feel -herself ruling through her beauty. She was now no longer so eagerly -occupied with the child as before, and she began to spend more care -on her own person. Her husband saw this change with joy, for strange -to say although he had at first been glad to observe her desperate -zeal about the child and the house, yet when he saw his heart's queen -dressed negligently, and marked how pale and wretched she looked, it -cut him to the heart. He wished to have back again the charming fairy -who had waited with longing at the window for his return home, and at -whose feet he wished to worship. So strange is man's heart, and so much -leaven does it still retain from the old times of chivalry when woman -was regarded as a Madonna. - -"But now came something else. During the first period of her -confinement he had become a little tired and careless in his habits; he -came and went with his hat on, ate his meals at a corner of the table, -and took no pains about his dress. And when his wife began to return -to the ways of everyday life he forgot to follow her, and to alter his -habits. His wife, who was still somewhat sickly, thought she saw in the -relaxing of these courtesies a want of love, and an unfortunate chance -afforded her an apparent proof that he was tired of her. - -"It was an unlucky day! The year was approaching its end when the chief -payments would be made. The harvest promised to be bountiful but its -overplus could not cover everything. The Knight had to find other means -of raising money, and he found them. He ordered some fine timber-trees -round the courtyard to be cut down, but in so doing, they came too near -the house, so that his wife's favourite lime-tree was also cut down. -The Knight did not know that she had a special liking for it, and the -act was quite unintentional. His wife had been ill for a week or two, -and when she came into the dining-room she saw that the lime-tree had -disappeared; she at once believed that it had been cut down to annoy -her. She also noticed that her rose-bushes had withered, for no one -had had time to think of such trifles amid all the bustle of bringing -in the harvest. This seemed to her another act of unkindness and she -sent all the available horses and oxen to fetch water. - -"Now there intervened a new circumstance to hasten the coming -misfortune. The bailiff had come to the castle to wait for the bringing -in of the harvest, and had an interview with the Knight's wife just -after she had made the two above-mentioned discoveries. They found -that they had known each other as children, and a confidential chat -followed, which afforded her some amusement. She liked her visitor's -rustic but courteous manners, and the comparison she made between his -politeness and her husband's boorishness, was not to the advantage -of the latter. She forgot that her husband could be as polite as the -bailiff when paying a formal visit, and that the bailiff could be as -brusque as he in everyday business. - -"Thus everything was in train for what should happen when her husband -came home. The bailiff had gone and left her alone with her thoughts. -When her husband came in, he was cheerful, being pleased to see his -wife up again, and because the continued dry weather was good for -the harvest, which was all now ready cut and could be brought in in -a single day. But his wife, depressed by her thoughts, felt annoyed -by his cheerfulness, and now the shots went off, one after the other. -She asked about her lime-tree, and he said he had cut it down because -he required timber; she then asked why he must cut down 'just' the -lime-tree which shaded her window; he answered that he had not cut down -just that one, but all of them together. - -"Then she began about the rose-bushes. He replied that he had never -promised to water them. She, having no answer to this, discovered that -he was wearing greased boots, and immediately remarked upon it. He -acknowledged his inadvertence and was about to repair it on the spot by -drawing them off, but she became furious at such an act of discourtesy. -Hard words passed between them and she declared that he loved her no -more. Then the Knight answered somewhat in this way: 'I don't love -you, you say, because I work for you and don't sit and gossip by -your embroidery frame; I don't love you because I am hungry through -neglecting food; I don't love you because I don't change my boots when -I come for a minute into the room. I don't love you, you say! Oh, if -you only knew how much I loved you!' - -"To this his wife replied: 'before we married you loved me and at the -same time gossiped by my embroidery frame, took off your boots when you -came in, and showed me politeness. What has happened then, to make you -change your behaviour?' - -"Her husband answered: 'We are married now.' His wife thought he meant -that marriage had given him a proprietary right over her, and that he -wished to show this by his free-and-easy demeanour, but this last was -simply due to his unshakeable trust in her vow to love him through joy -and sorrow, and in her forbearance, if, in order to avoid loss of time, -he dropped a number of little empty ceremonies. He was on the point of -telling her that it was in order to stave off ruin that he worked in -the fields, thought only of crops, tramped in the mud, and brought dirt -into the house, but he kept silence, for he thought that in her weak -state, she could not bear the shock, and he knew that in twenty-four -hours all danger would be passed and the house would be saved. He -asked her to forgive him, and they forgave one another, and spoke -gently together again. But then came a shock! The steward rushed in and -announced that a storm was approaching. The Knight's wife was glad that -the roses would get rain, but he was not. It seemed to him like the -finger of God, and he told his wife everything but bade her at the same -time be of good courage. He then gave orders that all the oxen should -be yoked and the harvest brought in at once. He was told that they had -been sent to fetch water. Who had sent them? 'I did,' answered his -wife. 'I wanted water for my flowers, which you allowed to be dried up, -while I was ill.' - -"'Aren't you ashamed to say you did?' asked the Knight. - -"She answered: 'You plume yourself on having deceived me for a whole -year. I have no need to be ashamed of telling the truth, since I have -committed no fault, but only met with a misfortune.' Then he became -furious, went to her with upraised hand, and struck her." - -"And served her devilish right!" said the Count. - -"Fie! Fie! young sir! To strike a weak woman!" - -"Why should one not strike a woman, when one strikes children?" - -"Because woman is weaker, sir." - -"Another reason! One cannot get at the stronger, and one must not -strike the weaker: Whom shall one strike then?" - -"One should not strike at all, my friend. Fie! Fie! What sentiments -you utter, and you wish to be a soldier!" - -"Yes! What happens in war? The stronger strikes and the weaker is -struck. Isn't that logic?" - -"It may be logic, but it is not morality. But do you want to hear the -continuation?" - -"Wasn't it over then, with their love at any rate?" - -"No, sir! not by a long way! Love does not depart so easily. Well! -she believed now just as you do, that it was all over with love, and -she asked the bailiff, who came in just then, to make an appeal for -separation in her name to the King." - -"And she wanted to leave her child?" - -"No, she thought she could take it with her. Her pride was wounded to -the quick, and she felt crushed under the ruins of her beautiful castle -in the air." - -"And her husband?" - -"He was pulverised! His dream of wedded love was over, and he was -ruined besides, for the rainstorm had carried away and destroyed the -whole of his harvest. And when he saw that it was she whom he loved who -was the cause of his misfortune he felt resentment in his heart against -her, but he loved her still? when his anger had been allayed." - -"Still?" - -"Yes, sir, for love does not ask why. It only knows that it is so. The -Knight was ruined, and left his house to look after itself while he -rode about in the woods and fields. His wife, on the contrary, awoke to -a life of energy and diligence and took in hand the whole management -of the house; necessity made the little, tender being who never had -worked, strong; she sewed clothes for herself and the children; she -made payments and looked after the servants, and this last was not -the easiest, for the latter had grown accustomed to regard the little -spoilt lady as only a guest, but she took hold of affairs with an -energetic hand and kept them in order. When money was insufficient she -pawned her jewels, and by that means paid wages and cleared off debts. -One day when the Knight awoke to reflection and came home anxiously to -look after the condition of affairs which he regarded as hopeless, he -found everything in proper order. When he made inquiries, he was told -that his wife had saved everything. Then remorse and shame awoke in -him and he went to ask her on his knees to forgive him for not having -understood and valued her. She forgave him and declared that she had -not formerly deserved to be more highly valued, since she did not -then possess the qualities which she afterwards acquired. They were -reconciled as friends, but she declared that her love was dead, and -that she did not intend to be his wife for the future. - -"Their conversation was interrupted by the bailiff, who during this -time had lived in the house and helped the wife by his advice and -service. Her husband felt himself put aside and his place occupied by -another; jealousy raged in him, and he forbade his wife to receive -a stranger in her rooms. His wife thereupon declared that she would -visit the bailiff in his rooms but her husband reminded her that he had -rights over her person, since she was still his wife according to the -law. But she had that day received by post the decree of separation -and told him that she was free and could go where she liked. Then when -he saw that it was all over, he collapsed and begged her on his knees -to remain. When she saw the proud Knight crawling on the ground like -a slave she lost the last remnants of respect for him, and when she -remembered how once in her weakness and misery, she had looked up to -him as the one who could carry her in his arms over thorns and stones, -she wished to fly from this spectacle. Being no more able to find in -him, what he had once been to her, she simply went away." - -"Well now," interrupted the Count, who began to be bored, "it really -was over." - -"No, no, young sir, it only looked so, but was not. But here I must -make a confession. I saw everything with my own eyes, sir, for I was -her friend and honoured her in my heart. How foolish I was, I will -also confess. We of the old school, who were brought up at the end of -the age of chivalry, had learnt to see in woman a creature above the -ordinary level of humanity; we revered the outward part, and that which -was beautiful and useless; in our ideas that which pleased the eye took -the first place. You can well imagine that I, though a seeker of the -truth, was so misled by these old ideas, that I thought she was sinking -just when she showed the greatest energy and courage. Yes, on the very -day that the decree of separation came, I had a conversation with her -which I can remember as clearly as though I had written it down. I -said: 'If you knew how idolatrously high you once stood in my sight. -And I saw the angel let her white wings fall, I saw the fairy lose her -golden shoe. I saw you the morning after the marriage when you rode on -your white horse through the wood, it carried you so lightly over the -damp grass and lifted you so high over the mud of the marsh without a -spot coming on your silver-bright clothing. For a moment I thought as -I stood behind a tree; "Suppose she fell!" and my thought turned into a -vision. I saw you sink in the mire; the black water spirited over you; -your yellow hair lay like sunshine over the white blossoms of the bog -of myrtle; you sank and sank till I only saw your little hand; then I -heard a falcon scream up in the air and mount up on its wrings till it -was lost in the clouds.' But then she answered me so well. 'You said -once long ago that reality with all its dirt and sordidness was given -us by God, and that we should not curse it, but take it as it is. Very -well! But now you hint that I have sunk because I am on the way to -reconcile myself with this life; I have changed the garment of the rich -for that of the poor, since I am poor; I lost my youth when I obeyed -the law of nature and became a mother; the beauty of my hands is spoilt -by sewing, my eyes are dim with care, the burden of life presses me to -the earth but my soul mounts--mounts like the falcon towards the sky -and freedom, while my earthly body sinks in the mud amid evil-smelling -weeds.' - -"Then I asked if she really believed she could keep the soul above -while the body sank, and she answered 'No!' This was because she, like -myself, had the delusion that something sank. The body, however, -did not sink through work; on the contrary, it was hardened and -strengthened; it improved and mounted but did not sink. However, -we were both so foolish that we both imagined it did, having been -indoctrinated with this view from our youth upwards. We considered -white hands, though they might be weak and sickly as more beautiful -than those which were hardened and embrowned by toil. So perverse were -people's ideas in my youth, sir, and so they are still, here and there. -But in my perversity I went farther and advised her to commit a crime 6 -Loose the falcon and let it mount, I said.' - -"'I have already thought of that,' she answered, understanding my -thought, 'but the chain is strong.' - -"'I have the key to it,' I replied. - -"She asked me to give it her, and received from me a bottle of poison. - -"Now I return to the story where I left it off. It was where she had -left her husband's room to seek the bailiff in the upper story. When -she came there she had to wait, for the bailiff had visitors. She also -received a lesson, for none of her married friends would greet her, -because she had dissolved her marriage. One of these friends had been -unfaithful to her husband and had a lover but she thought herself -too good to take Frau Margit's hand. What is one to say to that? At -that time it was considered one of the greatest crimes to dissolve a -marriage, but now, thank Heaven! our ideas have changed. She came, as -I have said, to the bailiff to ask his advice as she had done all the -time when difficulties arose. - -"Did she love him? Probably not; but the heart is never so likely to -deceive itself as in such cases. She imagined that she did, because she -thought she had lost her husband and by birth and upbringing she was -not adapted to stand alone. - -"But the bailiff was another sort of man. He was like one of those -birds with a seraglio which I spoke of, and if he had not been so -cowardly, he would have already enticed the Knight's wife. But he did -not do it, for he saw that this fruit would drop when it was ripe -enough. Therefore he waited. But he had another characteristic; he was -as vain as a cock in a hen-house, and thought that he was a terrible -fellow whom no woman could resist. So when he overheard Frau Margit -say that she intended visiting him in his room, he believed that the -time had come, and made elaborate preparations to receive her. She came -quite unsuspiciously, for she trusted his friendship and devotion to -her interests. She wished to speak of the serious prospect which lay -before her; he spoke of his love and she did not wish to listen. She -was legally free but still felt herself bound. The might of memory -held her and perhaps the old love had a word to say in the matter. The -bailiff became bolder and begged for her love on his knees. Then she -despised him. His vanity was wounded, he forgot himself, threw the mask -aside, and wished to use force. I came accidentally there and was able -to give him the _coup de grâce_ by telling Frau Margit that he was -engaged to be married. There was nothing left for him but to withdraw. - -"But she had already, when her last hope collapsed and her last dream -vanished, used the key to open the gate of eternity; I who knew that -the poison required an hour to produce its effect, used the opportunity -to speak to her, as one speaks to the dying. Ah! certainly the love of -mortals for this wretched life is great, and at such moments the human -soul is turned upside down; what lies at the bottom comes uppermost, -old memories revive; old beliefs, however absurd and however rightly -they may have been rejected, arise again, and I woke up in her the old -ideas of duty, foolish perhaps, but necessary now. I brought her so -far that she wished to live and commence again a life of renunciation -and reflection in the convent. But since the convent no longer existed -I persuaded her to be willing to exchange it for the imprisonment -of home, where there is plenty of opportunity for penance in mutual -self-denial, for devotion in the fulfilment of duties and in obedience. -She fought against her pride and regretted her surrender, she raged -against life, which had deceived her, and against men who had lied and -said that life was a pleasure-garden. In this matter I agreed with her, -for the unhappiness in most marriages arises from the fact that people -persuade the married pair that they will find absolute happiness in -marriage, whereas happiness is not to be found in life at all. - -"She was frantic, but an accident came to my aid. Her child, whose room -was underneath us, began to cry. She was shaken to her depths, and -said that she was willing to live for her child's sake, in order to -teach it that life is not what people describe it to be. She did not -wish to leave it to the same fate which she had escaped. She did not -speak of her husband; whether she thought of him or not, I cannot say. -I who had given her the poison, knew where the antidote was; but as I -still wished to keep her in fear, I gave her less hope than I myself -possessed. - -"I went away, and when I returned, I found her in her husband's arms. -He had found her on the stairs, where she had fallen down in a swoon. -All was forgiven and all was forgotten. You think that strange? But -have you not forgiven your mother although she chastised you, and -does not your mother love you, although you have deceived her, and -caused her grief and anxiety. This last agitation had convulsed her -soul so that the old love lay uppermost like a clear pearl, which has -been fished up from the miry bottom of the sea where it lay hidden -in a dirty mollusc. But she still struggled with her pride and said -she would not love him, although she did love him. I never forget his -answer, which contains the whole riddle, 'You did not wish to love me, -Margit,' he said, 'for your pride forbade it, but you love me still. -You love me, although I raised my hand against you, and although I -was shamefully cowardly when the trouble came. I wished to hate you -when you left me; I wished to kill you, because you were willing to -sacrifice your child, and still I love you. Do you not now believe in -the power of love over our evil wills?' - -"So he said; and I say now like the fabulist: this fable teaches that -love is a great power which passes all understanding and against which -our wills can do nothing. Love bears all things, gives up all things, -and of faith, hope, and love, sir, love is the greatest." - -"Well, how did they go on afterwards?" asked the Count. - -"I was no longer with them." - -"They probably continued to quarrel." - -"I know that they have disagreements sometimes, for these must happen -when there are different opinions, but I know also that neither wishes -to domineer over the other. They go their way, making less demands on -life than before and therefore they are as happy as one can be when -one takes life as it is. That was what the old period with its claim -of being able to make a heaven on earth could not do, but what the new -period has learnt." - - -THE END - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Fair Haven and Foul Strand, by August Strindberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - -***** This file should be named 44129-8.txt or 44129-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/1/2/44129/ - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Fair Haven and Foul Strand - -Author: August Strindberg - -Release Date: November 8, 2013 [EBook #44129] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - - - - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - - - - - -</pre> - - - -<h1>FAIR HAVEN</h1> - -<h1>AND</h1> - -<h1>FOUL STRAND</h1> - -<h4>BY</h4> - -<h2>AUGUST STRINDBERG</h2> - -<h5>NEW YORK</h5> - -<h5>MCBRIDE, NAST & COMPANY</h5> - -<h5>MCMXIV</h5> - -<hr class="full" /> -<p style="margin-left: 35%; font-size: 0.8em;"> -CONTENTS<br /><br /><br /> -<a href="#FAIR_HAVEN_AND_FOUL_STRAND">FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND</a><br /> -<a href="#THE_DOCTORS_FIRST_STORY">THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY</a><br /> -<a href="#THE_DOCTORS_SECOND_STORY">THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY </a><br /> -<a href="#HERR_BENGTS_WIFE">HERR BENGT'S WIFE</a><br /> -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h3><a name="FAIR_HAVEN_AND_FOUL_STRAND" id="FAIR_HAVEN_AND_FOUL_STRAND">FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND</a></h3> - - -<p>The quarantine doctor was a man of five-and-sixty, well-preserved, -short, slim and elastic, with a military bearing which recalled the -fact that he had served in the Army Medical Corps. From birth he -belonged to the eccentrics who feel uncomfortable in life and are never -at home in it. Born in a mining district, of well-to-do but stern -parents, he had no pleasant recollections of his childhood. His father -and mother never spoke kindly, even when there was occasion to do so, -but always harshly, with or without cause. His mother was one of those -strange characters who get angry about nothing. Her anger arose without -visible cause, so that her son sometimes thought she was not right in -her head, and sometimes that she was deaf and could not hear properly, -for occasionally her response to an act of kindness was a box on the -ears. Therefore the boy became mistrustful towards people in general, -for the only natural bond which should have united him to humanity -with tenderness, was broken, and everything in life assumed a hostile -appearance. Accordingly, though he did not show it, he was always in a -posture of defence.</p> - -<p>At school he had friends, but since he did not know how sincerely -he wished them well, he became submissive, and made all kinds of -concessions in order to preserve his faith in real friendship. By so -doing he let his friends encroach so much that they oppressed him and -began to tyrannise over him. When matters came to this point, he went -his own way without giving any explanations. But he soon found a new -friend with whom the same story was repeated from beginning to end. The -result was that later in life he only sought for acquaintances, and -grew accustomed to rely only upon himself. When he was confirmed, and -felt mature and responsible through being declared ecclesiastically of -age, an event happened which proved a turning-point in his life. He -came home too late for a meal and his mother received him with a shower -of blows from a stick. Without thinking, the young man raised his hand, -and gave her a box on the ear. For a moment mother and son confronted -each other, he expecting the roof to fall in or that he would be struck -dead in some miraculous way. But nothing happened. His mother went -out as though nothing had occurred, and behaved afterwards as though -nothing unusual had taken place between them.</p> - -<p>Later on in life when this affair recurred to his memory, he wondered -what must have passed through her mind. She had cast one look to the -ceiling as though she sought there for something—an invisible hand -perhaps, or had she resigned herself to it, because she had at last -seen that it was a well-deserved retribution, and therefore not called -him to account? It was strange, that in spite of desperate efforts to -produce pangs of conscience, he never felt any self-reproach on the -subject. It seemed to have happened without his will, and as though it -must happen.</p> - -<p>Nevertheless, it marked a boundary-line in his life. The cord was cut -and he fell out in life alone, away from his mother and domesticity. He -felt as though he had been born without father and mother. Both seemed -to him strangers whom he would have found it most natural to call Mr -and Mrs So-and-so. At the University he at once noticed the difference -between his lot and that of his companions. They had parents, brothers, -and sisters; there was an order and succession in their life. They had -relations to their fellow-men and obeyed secret social laws. They felt -instinctively that he did not belong to their fold.</p> - -<p>When as a young doctor he acted on behalf of an army medical officer -for some time, he felt at once that he was not in his proper place, and -so did the officers. The silent resistance which he offered from the -first to their imperiousness and arbitrary ways marked him out as a -dissatisfied critic, and he was left to himself.</p> - -<p>In the hospital it was the same. Here he perceived at once the fateful -predestination of social election, those who were called and those who -were not called. It seemed as though the authorities could discern -by scent those who were congenial to them. And so it was everywhere. -He started a practice as a ladies' doctor, but had no luck, for he -demanded straightforward answers to his questions, and those he never -received. Then he became impatient, and was considered brutal. He -became a Government sanitary officer in a remote part of the country, -and since he was now independent of his patients' favour, he troubled -himself still less about pleasing them. Presently he was transferred to -the quarantine service, and was finally stationed at Skamsund.</p> - -<p>When he had come here, now seventeen years ago, he at once began to -be at variance with the pilots, who, as the only authorities on the -island, indulged themselves in many acts of arbitrariness towards the -inhabitants. The quarantine doctor loved peace and quietness like other -men, but he had early learnt that warfare is necessary; and that it -is no use simply to be passive as regards one's rights, but that one -must defend them every day and every hour of the day. Since he was a -new-comer they tried to curtail his authority and deprive him of his -small privileges. The chief pilot had a prescriptive right to half -the land, but the quarantine doctor had in his bay a small promontory -where the pilots used to moor their private boats and store their -fishing implements. The doctor first ascertained his legal rights in -the matter, and when he found out that he had the sole right of using -the promontory and that the pilots could store their fishing-tackle -elsewhere, he went to the chief pilot and gave them a friendly -notice to quit. When he saw that mere politeness was of no avail, he -took stronger measures, had the place cleared and fenced off by his -servants, turned it into a garden, and erected a simple pavilion in -it. The pilots hailed petitions on the Government, but the matter was -decided in his favour. The result was a lifelong enmity between him and -the pilots. The quarantine doctor was shut in on his promontory and -himself placed in quarantine. There he had now remained for seventeen -years, but not in peace, for there was always strife. Either his dog -fought with the pilots' dog, or their fowls came into his garden, or -they ran their boats ashore on each other's ground. Thus he was kept in -a continual state of anger and excitement, and even if there ever was -quiet for a moment outside the house, inside there was the housekeeper. -They had quarrelled for seventeen years, and once every week she had -packed her things in order to go. She was a tyrant and insisted that -her master should have sugar in all his sauces, even with fresh cod. -During all the seventeen years she had not learnt how to boil an egg -but wished the doctor to learn to eat half-raw eggs, which he hated. -Sometimes he got tired of quarrelling, and then everything went on in -Kristin's old way. He would eat raw potatoes, stale bread, sour cream -and such-like for a whole week and admire himself as a Socrates; then -his self-respect awoke and he began to storm again. He had to storm -in order to get the salt-cellar placed on the table, to get the doors -shut, to get the lamps filled with oil. The lamp-chimneys and wicks he -had to clean himself, for that she could not learn.</p> - -<p>"You are a cow, Kristin! You are a wretch who cannot value kindness. -Do you like me to storm? Do you know that I abominate myself when I -am obliged to get so excited. You make me bad, and you are a poisonous -worm. I wish you had never been born, and lay in the depths of the -earth. You are not a human being for you cannot learn; you are a cow, -that you are! You will go? Yes, go to the deuce, where you came from!"</p> - -<p>But Kristin never went. Once indeed she got as far as the steamer -bridge, but turned round and entered the wood, whence the doctor had to -fetch her home.</p> - -<p>The doctor's only acquaintance was the postmaster at Fagervik, an old -comrade of his student days, who came over every Saturday evening. -Then the two drank and gossiped till past midnight and the postmaster -remained till Sunday morning. They certainly did not look at life and -their fellow-men from the same point of view, for the postmaster was -a decided member of the Left Party, and the doctor was a sceptic, but -their talk suited each other so well, that their conversation was like -a part-song, or piece of music, for two voices, in which the voices, -although varying, yet formed a harmony. The doctor, with his wider, -mental outlook, sometimes expressed disapproval of his companion's -sentiments somewhat as follows:</p> - -<p>"You party-men are like one-eyed cats. Some see only with the -left eye, others with the right, and therefore you can never see -stereoscopically, but always flat and one-sidedly."</p> - -<p>They were both great newspaper readers and followed the course of all -questions with eagerness. The most burning question, however, was the -religious one, for the political ones were settled by votes in the -Reichstag and came to an end, but the religious questions never ended. -The postmaster hated pietists and temperance advocates.</p> - -<p>"Why the deuce do you hate the pietists?" the doctor would say. "What -harm have they done you? Let them enjoy themselves; it doesn't affect -me."</p> - -<p>"They are all hypocrites," said the postmaster dogmatically.</p> - -<p>"No," answered the doctor, "you cannot judge, for you have never been -a pietist, but I have, and I was—deuce take me—no hypocrite. But I -don't do it again. That is to say—one never knows, for it comes over -one, or does not—it all depends on——"</p> - -<p>"On what?"</p> - -<p>"Hard to say. Pietism, for the rest, is a kind of European Buddhism. -Both regard the world as an unclean place of punishment for the soul. -Therefore they seek to counteract material influences, and in that -they are not so wrong. That they do not succeed is obvious, but the -struggle itself deserves respect. Their apparent hypocrisy results from -the fact that they do not reach the goal they aim at, and their life -always halts behind their teaching. That the priests of the church hate -them is clear, for our married dairy farmers, card players and good -diners do not love these apostles who show their unnecessariness and -their defects. You know our clergy out there on the islands; I need -not gossip about them, for you know. There you have the hypocrites, -especially among the unfortunates, who after going through their -examination have lost faith in all doctrines."</p> - -<p>"Yes, but the pietists are enemies to culture."</p> - -<p>"No, I don't find that. When I came to this island it was inhabited by -three hundred besotted beasts who led the life of devils. And now—you -see for yourself. They are not lovable nor lively, but they are, at -any rate, quiet, so that one can sleep at night; and they don't fight, -so that one can walk about the island without fear for one's life and -limbs. In a word, the simplest blessings of civilisation were the -distinct result of the erection of the prayer-house."</p> - -<p>"The prayer-house which you never enter!"</p> - -<p>"No, I don't belong to that fold. But have you ever been there?"</p> - -<p>"I? No!"</p> - -<p>"You should hear them once at any rate."</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"You daren't!"</p> - -<p>"Daren't! Is it dangerous?"</p> - -<p>"So they say!"</p> - -<p>"Not for me."</p> - -<p>"Shall we wager a barrel of punch?"</p> - -<p>The postmaster reflected an instant, not so much on the punch as on the -doctor's suspecting him of cowardice.</p> - -<p>"Done! I will go there on Friday. And you can carry the punch home in a -boat, if you see anything go wrong with me."</p> - -<p>The day came and the postmaster ate his dinner with the doctor, before -he took his way, as agreed, to the prayer-house. He had told no one of -his intention, partly because he feared that the preacher might aim at -him, partly because he did not wish to get the reputation of being a -pietist. After dinner he borrowed a box of snuff to keep himself awake, -in spite of the doctor's assurance that he would not have any chance of -sleeping. And so he went.</p> - -<p>The doctor walked about his garden waiting for the result of the -experiment to which many a stronger man than the postmaster had -succumbed. He waited for an hour and a half; he waited two hours; he -waited three. Then at last he saw the congregation coming out—a sign -that it was over. But the postmaster did not appear. The doctor became -uneasy. Another hour passed, and at last he saw his friend coming out -of the wood. He came with a somewhat artificial liveliness and there -was something forced in the springiness of his gait. When he saw the -doctor, he made a slight wriggling movement with his legs, and shrugged -his shoulders as though his clothes were too tight for him.</p> - -<p>"Well?" asked the doctor. "It was tedious, wasn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Yes," was the only answer.</p> - -<p>They went down to the pavilion and took their seats opposite each -other, although the postmaster was shy of showing his face, into which -a new expression had come.</p> - -<p>"Give me a pinch of snuff," said the doctor slyly.</p> - -<p>The postmaster drew out the snuff-box, which had been untouched.</p> - -<p>"You did not sleep?" resumed the doctor.</p> - -<p>The postmaster felt embarrassed.</p> - -<p>"Well, old fellow, you are not cheerful! What is the matter? Stop a -minute!" The doctor indicated with his forefinger the space between -his friend's eyes and nose as though he wished to show him something, -"I believe ... you have been crying!"</p> - -<p>"Nonsense!" answered the postmaster, and straightened himself up. "But, -at any rate, you know I am not easily befooled, but as I said that -fellow is a wizard."</p> - -<p>"Tell us, tell us! Fancy your believing in wizards!"</p> - -<p>"Yes, it was so strange." He paused for a while and continued:</p> - -<p>"Can you imagine it? He preached, as was to be expected, especially -to me. And in the middle of his preaching he told me all the secrets -which, like everyone else, I have kept most jealously hidden from my -childhood's days and earlier. I felt that I reddened, and that the -whole congregation looked at me as though they knew it also, which is -quite impossible. They nodded, keeping time with his words and looking -at me simultaneously. Yes, they turned round on their seats. Even -regarded as witchcraft it was——"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes, I know it, and therefore I take care. What it is I don't -know, but it is something which I keep at arm's length. And it is -the same with Swedenborg. I sat once in an ante-room waiting for -admission. Behind me stood a book-case from which a book projected and -prevented me from leaning my head back. I took the book down and it was -part of Swedenborg's 'Arcana Coelestia.' I opened it at random and—can -you imagine it? in two minutes a subject which just then occupied my -thoughts was explained to me in such detail and with an almost alarming -amount of expert knowledge, that it was quite uncanny. In two minutes I -was quite clear regarding myself and my concerns."</p> - -<p>"Well, tell us about it."</p> - -<p>"No, I won't. You know yourself that the life we live in thought is -secret, and what we experience in secret.... Yes, we are not what we -seem."</p> - -<p>"No." His friend broke in hastily. "No; our actions are very easy to -control, but our thoughts ... ugh!"</p> - -<p>"And thoughts are the deeds of the mind, as I have read somewhere. With -our silent, evil thoughts we can infect others; we can transfer our -evil purposes to others who execute them. Do you remember the case of -the child murderess here ten years ago?"</p> - -<p>"No, I was away then."</p> - -<p>"She was a young children's nurse, innocent, fond of children, and had -always been kind, as was elicited in examination. During the summer -she was in the service of an actress up there in Fagervik. In August -she was arrested for child murder. I was present in court when she was -examined. She could not assign any reason for her action. But the judge -wished to find out the reason, since she had no personal motive for it. -The witnesses declared that she had loved the child, and she admitted -it. At her second examination she was beside herself with remorse and -horror at the terrible deed, but still behaved as though she were -not really guilty, although she assumed the responsibility for the -crime. At the third examination the judge tried to help her, and put -the question, 'How did the idea come to you of murdering an innocent -child whom you loved? Think carefully!' The girl cast a look of despair -round the court, but when her eyes rested on the mother of the child, -the actress, who was present for the first time, she answered the -judge simply and naturally. 'I believe that my mistress wished it.' -You should have seen the woman's face as these words were uttered. It -seemed to me that her clothes dropped from her and she stood there -exposed, and for the first time I thought of the abysmal depths of the -human soul, over which a judge must walk with bandaged eyes, for he has -no right to punish us in our interior life of thought; there we punish -ourselves and that is what the pietists do."</p> - -<p>"What you say is true enough, but I know also that my inner life is -sometimes higher and purer than my outward life."</p> - -<p>"I grant it. I have also an idea of my better ego, which is the best I -know.... But tell me, what have you been doing for a whole hour in the -wood?"</p> - -<p>"I was thinking."</p> - -<p>"You are not going to be a pietist, I suppose," broke in the doctor as -he filled his glass.</p> - -<p>"No, not I."</p> - -<p>"But you no longer think the pietists are humbugs?"</p> - -<p>To this the postmaster made no reply. But the drinking did not go -briskly that evening, and the conversation was on higher topics than -usual. Towards ten o'clock a terrible howling like that of wild beasts -came over the Sound. It was from the garden of the hotel in Fagervik. -Both the philosophers glanced in that direction.</p> - -<p>"They are the crews of the cutters, of course," said the postmaster. -"They are certainly fighting too. Yes, Fagervik is going down because -of the rows at night. The holiday visitors run away for they cannot -sleep, and they have thought of closing the beer-shops." "And of -opening a prayer-house, perhaps?"</p> - -<p>This question also remained unanswered, and they parted without knowing -exactly how they stood with each other.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile the report spread in Fagervik that the postmaster had been to -the prayer-house, and when the next afternoon he found himself in his -little circle at the hotel with the custom-house officer and the chief -pilot, they greeted him with the important news:</p> - -<p>"So! you have become a pietist!"</p> - -<p>The postmaster parried the thrust with a jest, swore emphatically that -it was untrue, and as a proof emptied his glass more thoroughly than -usual.</p> - -<p>"But you have been there."</p> - -<p>"I was curious."</p> - -<p>"Well, what did they say?"</p> - -<p>The postmaster's face darkened, and as they continued to jest it -occurred to him that it was cowardly and contemptible to mock at what -in his opinion did not deserve mockery. Therefore he said seriously and -decidedly: "Leave me in peace! I am not a pietist, but I think highly -of them."</p> - -<p>That was tantamount to a confession, and like an iron curtain something -fell between him and his friends. The expression of their faces -changed, and they seemed all at once strange to him. It was the most -curious experience he had had, and it was painful at the same time.</p> - -<p>He kept away for a few days and seemed to be in an introspective mood. -After that, by degrees, he resumed his old relations to them, came -again to the hotel, and was gradually the same as before, but not -quite. For he had "pricked up his ears" as the phrase goes.</p> - -<p>The Saturday evening <i>tête-à-tête</i> were resumed as before. Now that the -postmaster had become more serious, and showed interest in the deeper -things of life, the doctor considered the time had come to communicate -to him some of the stock of observations which he had made on human -life, without any reference to his own particular experience. It was -reported that he had been married and had children but no one knew -exactly the facts of the case.</p> - -<p>After he had satisfied himself that the postmaster liked being read -to aloud, he ventured to suggest to him that they should spend the -Saturday evenings in this higher form of recreation, after they had -first exchanged opinions on the questions of the day, as suggested by -the events of the week. The subject-matter read would then provide -occasion for further explanations and expressions of thought.</p> - -<p>Accordingly, on Saturday evening after supper, while the weather -outside was cold and wet, they sat in the best room of the doctor's -house. After searching for some time in a cupboard the doctor fished -out a manuscript; at the last moment he hesitated—perhaps because it -was autobiographical. In order to give himself courage he began with -some preliminary remarks.</p> - -<p>"I don't think that, in your recollection, I have expressed my views -on a certain question—the most important one of our time. This -question, which touches the deepest things in life, and is treated most -superficially because it is taken up in a spirit of partisanship.... I -mean——"</p> - -<p>"Nevermind! I know!"</p> - -<p>"You are afraid of it, but I am not, for it is no question for me, but -a riddle or an insoluble problem. You know that there are insoluble -problems whose insolubility can be proved, but still men continue to -investigate the unsearchable."</p> - -<p>"Come to the point! Let us argue afterwards."</p> - -<p>"And they have tried to make laws to regulate the behaviour of married -people to each other; that is as though one should lay down rules for -forming a friendship or falling in love. Well and good! I will tell you -a story or two, and then we shall see whether the matter comes under -the head of consideration at all, or whether the usual laws of thought -apply in this case."</p> - -<p>"Very well."</p> - -<p>"One thing more. Don't think because quarantine is mentioned in the -story that it is my story. That is buried deeper. Now we will begin."</p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h3><a name="THE_DOCTORS_FIRST_STORY" id="THE_DOCTORS_FIRST_STORY">THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY</a></h3> - - -<h4>I</h4> - -<p>They had gone off, taken the almost matter-of-course flight. An outcry -rang through their social circle; people pressed their hands to the -region of their heart, shuddered, lamented, condemned, according as -each had figured to him or herself the terrible tragedy which had been -played; two hearts had been torn asunder, two families raged against -each other; there was a lonely husband and a deserted child; a desolate -home, a career destroyed, entangled affairs which could not be put -straight, and broken friendships. Two men were sitting in a restaurant -and discussing the affair.</p> - -<p>"But why did they run away? I think it disgusting!"</p> - -<p>"On the contrary! I consider that ordinary decency requires that they -should leave the field to the irreproachable husband; then at any rate -they need not meet in the streets. Besides, it is more honest to be -divorced than to form an illicit tie."</p> - -<p>"But why could they not keep their faith and vows? We for our part -hold out for life through grief and joy."</p> - -<p>"Yes, and how does it look afterwards? Like an old bird's-nest in -autumn! Other times, other manners."</p> - -<p>"But it is terrible in any case."</p> - -<p>"Not least for the runaways. Now it will be the turn of the man who -took all the consequences on himself. He will be paid out."</p> - -<p>"And so will she."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The story was as follows. The now divorced married pair had met three -years before in a watering-place, and passed through all the stages -of being in love in the normal way. They discovered, as usual, that -they had been born for the special purpose of meeting each other -and wandering through life hand in hand. In order to be worthy of -her he gave up all doubtful habits and refined his language and his -morals. She seemed to him an angel sent by God to open his eyes and to -point him upwards. He overcame the usual difficulties regarding the -publishing of the banns, convinced that those very difficulties were -placed in his way in order to give him an opportunity of showing his -courage and energy.</p> - -<p>They read the scandalous anonymous letters which generally follow -engagements together, and put them in the fire. She wept, it is true, -over the wickedness of men, but he said the purpose of it was to test -their faith in each other.</p> - -<p>The period of their betrothal was one long intoxication. He declared -that he did not need to drink any more, for her presence made him -literally drunk. Once in a way they felt the weirdness of the solitude -which surrounded them, for their friends had given them up, considering -themselves superfluous.</p> - -<p>"Why do people avoid us?" she asked one evening as they walked outside -the town.</p> - -<p>"Because," he answered, "men run away when they see happiness."</p> - -<p>They did not notice that they themselves avoided intercourse with -others, as they actually did. He, especially, showed a real dread of -meeting his old bachelor friends, for they seemed to him like enemies, -and he saw their sceptical grimaces, which were only too easy to -interpret.</p> - -<p>"See! there he is caught! To think of the old rascal letting himself be -hoodwinked!" etc. For the young bachelors were of the opinion then, as -now, that love was a piece of trickery which sooner or later must be -unmasked.</p> - -<p>But the conversation of the betrothed pair kept them above the -banalities of everyday life, and they lived, as people say rightly, -above the earth. But they began to feel afraid of the solitude which -surrounded them and drove them together. They tried to go among other -people, partly from the need of showing their happiness, and partly to -quiet themselves. But when after the theatre they entered a restaurant, -and she arranged her hair at the glass in the hall, he felt as though -she was adorning herself for strangers. And when they sat down at the -table, he became instantaneously silent, for her face assumed a new -expression which was strange to him. Her glances seemed to parry the -looks of strangers. They both became silent, and his face wore an -anxious expression. It was a dismal supper, and they soon left.</p> - -<p>When they came out she asked, somewhat out of humour at being -disappointed of a pleasure, "Are you vexed with me?"</p> - -<p>"No, my dear, I cannot be vexed with you. But I bleed inwardly when I -see young fellows desecrate you with their looks." So their visits to -the restaurant ceased.</p> - -<p>The weeks before the marriage were spent in arranging their future -dwelling. They had discussed carpets and curtains, had interviewed -workmen and shopmen, and in so doing had descended from their ideal -heights. Now they wanted to go out to get rid of these prosaic -impressions. So they went, but with that ominous silence when the heads -of a pair feel empty and someone seems to walk between them. He tried -to rally himself and put her in good spirits but unsuccessfully.</p> - -<p>"I hang too heavily upon you," she said, and let go of his arm. He did -not answer, for he really felt some relief. That annoyed her and she -drew nearer the wall. The conversation was at an end, and they soon -found themselves before her door.</p> - -<p>"Good night," she said curtly.</p> - -<p>"Good night," he replied with equal curtness, and they parted obviously -to their mutual relief. This time there was no kiss in the passage and -he did not wait outside the glass door to watch her slender figure move -gracefully up the first flight of stairs.</p> - -<p>He went down the street with an elastic gait and drawing a deep -breath of relief. He felt released from something oppressive, which -nevertheless had been charming for three months. Pulling himself -together, he mentally picked up the dropped threads of a past which now -seemed strong and sincere. He hurried on, his ego exulted, and both his -arms, as they swung, felt like wings.</p> - -<p>That the affair was over he felt no doubt, but he saw no reason for -it, and with wide-awake consciousness confronted a fact which he -unhesitatingly accepted. When he came near his door he met an old -friend whom, without further ado, he took by the arm, and invited to -share his simple supper and to talk. His friend looked astonished, but -followed him up the stairs.</p> - -<p>They ate and drank, smoked and chatted till midnight, discussing every -variety of topic, old reminiscences and affairs of State, the Reichstag -and political economy. There was not a word regarding his betrothal and -marriage, or even an allusion to them. It was a very enjoyable evening -and he seemed to have gone back three months in his life. He noticed -that his voice assumed a more manly tone, that he spoke his thoughts -straight out as they came, without having to take the trouble to round -off the corners of strong words to emphasise some expressions, and -soften down others in order not to give offence. He felt as though he -had found himself again, thrown off a strait-jacket, and laid aside a -mask. He accompanied his friend downstairs to open the house-door.</p> - -<p>"Well, you will be married in eight days," said the latter with the -usual sceptical grimace. It was as though he had pressed a button and -the door slammed to in answer.</p> - -<p>When he came to his room, he felt seized with disgust; he took the -things off the table, cleared up, swept the room, and then became -conscious of what he had lost, and how low he had sunk.</p> - -<p>He felt he had been unfaithful to his betrothed, because he had given -his soul to another, even though that other was a man. He had lost -something better than that which he thought he had gained. What he had -found again was merely his old selfish, inconsiderate, comfortable, -everyday ego, with its coarseness and uncleanness, which his friend -liked because it suited his own.</p> - -<p>And now it was all over, and the link broken for ever! The great -solitude would resume its sway, the ugly bachelor life begin again. -It did not occur to him to sit down and write a letter, for he felt -it would be useless. Therefore he tried to weary himself in order to -obtain sleep, soaked his whole head in cold water, and so went to -bed. The little ceremony of winding up his watch made, to-night, a -peculiar impression on him. Everything had to be renewed at night, even -time itself. Perhaps her love only needed a night's rest in order to -recommence.</p> - -<p>When he awoke the following morning, the sun shone into the room. An -indescribable feeling of quietness had taken possession of him, and he -felt that life was good as it was, yes, better to-day than usual, for -his soul felt at home again after a long excursion. He dressed himself -and went to his office, opened his letters, read the newspaper, and -felt quite calm all the time. But this unnatural calm began at last to -make him uneasy. He felt an increasing nervousness and a feverishness -over his whole body. The vacuum began to be filled again with her soul; -the electric band had been stretched, and the stream cut off, but it -was still there; there had only been a break in the current, and now -all the recollections rushed upon him, all their beautiful and great -experiences, all the elevated feelings and great thoughts which they -had amassed together, all the dream-world in which they had lived, so -unlike the present world of prose where they now found themselves.</p> - -<p>With a feeling of despair he betook himself to his correspondence -in order to conceal his emotions, and began to answer letters with -calmness, order, and clearness. Offers were accepted on certain -conditions, and declined on definite grounds. He went into questions of -coffee and sugar, exchange prices and accounts with unusual clearness -and decision.</p> - -<p>A clerk brought him a letter, which he saw at once was from her.</p> - -<p>"The messenger waits for an answer," he said.</p> - -<p>Without looking up from his desk, the merchant had at once decided and -replied: "He needn't wait."</p> - -<p>In that moment he had said to himself: "Explanations, reproaches, -accusations—how can I answer such things?"</p> - -<p>And the letter lay unopened while his business correspondence went on -with stormy celerity.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When his fiancée had parted from him on the previous evening her first -emotion had been anger—anger to think that he, the merchant, had -dared to despise her. She herself belonged to an official's family -and had dreamt of playing a rôle in society. His warm and faithful -affection had made her gradually forget this. Since he was never weary -of telling her what an ennobling influence she exercised on his life, -and since she herself perceived how he became refined and beautiful -under her hand, she felt herself to be a higher being. His steady -veneration kindled her self-esteem and she grew and blossomed in the -sunshine which his love spread around her. When that was suddenly -extinguished, it grew cold and dark around her; she felt herself -dwindle down to her original insignificance, shrivel and disappear. -This discovery that she had been the victim of an error and that -his love was the cause of her new life and the enlargement of her -personality, aroused her hatred against the man who had given her -such clear proof that her existence depended on him and on his love. -Now that he was no longer her lover, he became the tradesman whom she -despised.</p> - -<p>"A fellow who sells coffee and sugar!" she said to herself, as she fell -asleep, "I could change him for a better one."</p> - -<p>But when she awoke after a good night's sleep, she felt alarmed at the -disgrace of being given up. A broken engagement, after two offers, -would always cast a shadow over her life and make it difficult to -procure another fiancé.</p> - -<p>In a spiteful mood she sat down to write the letter, in which in a -lofty, insulting tone she demanded an explanation, and at the same time -asked him to come and see her.</p> - -<p>When the messenger returned with the news that there was no answer she -fell in a rage, and prepared to go out. She intended to find him in his -office, where she had never yet been, and before the eyes of his clerks -throw his ring on the ground to show how deeply she despised him. So -she went.</p> - -<p>She stood outside the door and knocked. But since no one opened or -answered she entered and stood in the hall. Through the glass pane of -the inner door she saw her betrothed bending over the large ledger, -his face intent and serious. She had never seen him at work before. -And when at work every man, even the most insignificant, is imposing. -Sacred work, which makes a man what he is, invested his appearance with -the dignity of concentrated strength, and she was seized with a feeling -of respect for him which she could not throw off.</p> - -<p>Just then he was inspecting in the ledger the entries of the expenses -of furnishing their house.</p> - -<p>They had absorbed his savings during the ten years he had been in -business, and though not petty-minded, he thought with sorrow and -bitterness, how they were all thrown away. He sighed and looked up -in order not to see the tell-tale figures. Then, all of a sudden, he -noticed behind the glass pane of the door, like a crayon drawing in a -frame, a pale face and two large eyes full of an expression of pain -and sympathy. He rose and stood reverently, mute in his great, virile -grief, interrogative and trembling. Then he saw in her looks how the -lost love had returned, and with that all was said.</p> - -<p>When after a while they were walking past Skeppsholm, bright with their -recovered happiness, he asked: "What happened to us yesterday?" (He -said "us" for he did not wish to raise the question whose fault it -was.)</p> - -<p>"I don't know; I cannot explain it; but it was the most terrible -experience I have had. We will never do it again!"</p> - -<p>"No! we will never do it again. And now, Ebba, it is for our whole -lives, you and I!"</p> - -<p>She pressed his arm, fully convinced that after this fiery trial, -nothing in the world could separate them, so far as it depended on -themselves.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>II</h4> - - -<p>And they were married. But instead of hiding their happiness in -their beautiful clean home, they set out on a journey among strange, -indifferent, curious, and even hostile people. Then they went from -hotel to hotel, were stared at at tables d'hôte, got headaches in -museums, and in the evening were dumb with fatigue and put out of -humour by mishaps.</p> - -<p>Tom away from his work and his surroundings, the industrious man found -it difficult to collect himself. When his thoughts went back to the -business matters which he had left in the hands of others, he was -inattentive and tiresome. They both longed for home, but were ashamed -to return and to be received with ridicule.</p> - -<p>The first week they occupied the time by talking over the -recollections of their engagement; during the second week they -discussed the journeys of the first. They never lived in the present -but in the past. When there was an interval of dullness or silence -he had always comforted her with the thought that their intercourse -would be easier when they had amassed a store of common memories, -and had learnt to avoid each other's antipathies. Meanwhile, out of -consideration, they had borne with these and suppressed their own -peculiarities and weaknesses as well-brought-up people usually do. -This led to a feeling of restraint and being on one's guard which was -exhausting; and the time had come for making important discoveries. -Since he possessed more self-control than she did, he was careful -not to say too much, but concealed one inclination and habit after -another, while she revealed all hers. As he loved her, he wished to -be agreeable, and therefore learned to be silent. The result was that -with all her inherited habits, peculiarities, and prejudices she had -so insinuated herself into his life that he began to feel himself -attenuated and annihilated.</p> - -<p>One evening the young wife was seized with a sudden desire to praise -her sister, a hateful coquette, whom her husband disliked because -she had tried, from selfish motives, to break their engagement. He -listened to his wife in respectful silence, now and then murmuring an -indistinct assent. At last his wife's praise of her sister mounted to -a paean, and though he thought her affection for her relatives a fine -trait in her character, he could not entirely place himself in her -skin nor see with her eyes. So he took refuge in the kind of silence -which is more eloquent than plain words. This silence was accompanied -by a gnawing of the lips and a violent perspiration. All the words and -opinions he had suppressed found mute expression in these movements -of his lips—he merely "marked time" as actors say—and the breaths -which were not used in forming words, he emitted through his nose. -Simultaneously the pores of his skin opened as so many safety-valves -for his suppressed emotions, and it became really unpleasant to have -him at the table.</p> - -<p>The young wife did not conceal her annoyance, for she feared no -revenge. She made an ugly gesture, which always ill becomes a woman; -she held her nose with both fingers, looking around to those present as -if to ask whether she was not right!</p> - -<p>Her husband became pale, rose, and went out. Several people were -sitting close by who witnessed the unpleasant scene. When he came out -on the streets of the foreign town, he unbuttoned his waistcoat and -breathed freely. And then his thoughts took their own course ruthlessly.</p> - -<p>"I am becoming a hypocrite simply out of consideration for her. One -lie is piled up on another, and some day it will all come down with a -crash. What a coarse woman she is! And it was from her that I believed -I should learn and be refined into a higher being. It is all optical -delusion and deceit. All this 'love' is merely a piece of trickery on -the part of nature to dazzle one's sight."</p> - -<p>He tried to picture to himself what was now happening in the -dining-room. She would naturally weep and appeal with her eyes to those -present as if to ask whether she was not very unfortunate with such a -husband. It was indeed her habit so to appeal with her eyes, and when -he expected an answer from her, she always turned her looks on those -around as if asking for help against her oppressor. He was always -treated as a tyrant, although out of pure kindness he had made himself -her slave. There was no help for it!</p> - -<p>He found himself down by the harbour, and caught sight of the -swimming-baths—that was just what he wanted. Quickly he plunged into -the sea, and swam far out into the darkness. His soul, tortured by -mosquito-stings and nettle-pricks, was able to cool itself, and he felt -how he left a wake of dirt behind him. He lay on his back and gazed at -the starry sky, but at the same moment heard a whistling and splashing -behind him. It was a great steamer coming in, and he had to get out of -the way to save His life. He made for the lamp-lit shore and saw the -hotel with all its lights.</p> - -<p>When he had dressed, he felt an unmeasured sorrow—sorrow over his lost -paradise. At the same time all bitterness had passed away.</p> - -<p>In this mood he entered his room and found his wife seated at the -writing-table. She rose and threw herself into his arms without a word -of apology; naturally enough he did not desire it, and she had no idea -of having done wrong.</p> - -<p>They sat down and wept together over their vanished love, for that it -had gone there was no doubt. But it had gone without their will, and -they sorrowed over it, as over some dear friend which they had not -killed but could not save. They were confronted by a fact before which -they were helpless; love the good genius who magnifies every trifle, -rejuvenates what is old, beautifies what is ugly, had abandoned them, -and life stretched before them in naked monotony.</p> - -<p>But it did not occur to them that they would be separated or were -separated, for their grief itself was an experience they shared, which -held them together. They were also united in a common grudge against -Fate, which had so deceived them in their tenderest emotions. In their -great dejection they were not capable of such a strong feeling as hate. -They only felt resentment and indignation at Fate, which was their -scapegoat and lightning-conductor.</p> - -<p>They had never talked so harmoniously and so intimately before, and -while their voices assumed a more affectionate tone, they formed a firm -resolve to go home and commence their domestic life. He talked himself -into a state of enthusiasm at the thought of home, where one could -exclude all evil influences, and where peace and harmony would reign. -She also dilated on the same topic with similar warmth till they had -forgotten their sorrow. And when they had forgotten it, they smiled -as before, and behold! love was again there, and not dead at all; its -death was also a delusion and so was all their grief.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>III</h4> - - -<p>He had realised his youthful dream of a wife and a home, and for eight -days the young wife also thought that her dream had come true. But on -the ninth day she wanted to go out.</p> - -<p>"Where?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Say, yourself!"</p> - -<p>No, she must say. He proposed the opera, but Wagner was being performed -there, and she could not bear him. The theatre? No, there they had -Maeterlinck, and that was silly. He did not wish to go to an operetta, -for they always ridiculed what he now regarded as sacred. Nor did he -like the circus, where there were only horses and queer women.</p> - -<p>So the discussion went on and they privately discovered a great -quantity of divergences in tastes and principles. In order to please -her, he proposed an operetta, but she would not accept the sacrifice. -He suggested that they should give a party, but then they discovered -that there was no one to invite, for they had separated from their -friends, and their friends from them.</p> - -<p>So they sat there, still in harmony, and considered their destiny -together, without having yet begun to blame each other. They stayed at -home, and felt bored.</p> - -<p>Next day, the same scene was repeated. He now saw that his happiness -was at stake; therefore he took courage, and said in a friendly way but -decidedly, "Dress yourself and we will go to an operetta." She beamed, -put on her new dress, and was quickly ready. When he saw her so happy -and pretty, he felt a stab in his heart, and thought to himself, "Now -she brightens up, when she can dress for others and not for me." -When he then conducted her to the theatre, he felt as though he were -escorting a stranger, for her thoughts were already in the auditorium, -which was her stage, where she wished to appear, and where she could -now appear under her husband's escort without being insulted.</p> - -<p>Since they could already divine each other's thoughts, this alienation, -while they were on the way, changed into something like hostility. They -longed to be in the theatre in order to find something to divert their -emotions, though he felt as though he were going to an execution.</p> - -<p>When they came to the ticket-office there were no tickets left.</p> - -<p>Then her face changed, and when she looked at him, and thought she saw -an expression of satisfaction, which possibly was latent there, she -broke out, "That pleases you?"</p> - -<p>He wished to deny it, but could not, for it was true. On the way home -he felt as though he were dragging a corpse with him, and that a -hostile one.</p> - -<p>The fact that she had discovered his very natural thought, which he -had self-denyingly repressed, hurt him like a rudeness for one has no -right to punish the thoughts of another. He would have borne it more -easily if there had been no tickets left, for he was already accustomed -to be a scapegoat. But now he lamented over his lost happiness, and -that he had not the power to amuse her.</p> - -<p>When she observed that he was not angry, but only sad, she despised -him. They came home in ominous silence; she went straight to her -bedroom and shut the door. He sat down in the dining-room, where he lit -the lamps and candles, for the darkness seemed to be closing round him.</p> - -<p>Then he heard a cry from the bedroom, the cry of a child, but of a -grown one. When he came in he saw a sight which tore his heart. She was -on her knees, her hands stretched towards him, wailing as she wept, -"Don't be angry with me, don't be hard; you put out the light round me, -you stifle me with your severity; I am a child that trusts life and -must have sunshine."</p> - -<p>He could find no answer, for she seemed sincere. And he could not -defend himself, for that meant arraigning her thoughts, which he also -could not do.</p> - -<p>Dumb with despair, he went into his room and felt crushed. He had -pillaged her youth, shut her up, torn out her joy by the roots. He had -not the light which this tender flower needed, and she withered under -his hand. These self-reproaches broke down all the self-confidence -he had hitherto possessed; he felt unworthy of her love, or of any -woman's, and felt himself a murderer who had killed her happiness.</p> - -<p>After he had suffered all these pangs of conscience he began to examine -himself calmly and with sober common sense.</p> - -<p>"What have I done?" he asked himself. "What have I done to her? All the -good that I could; I have done her will in everything. I did not wish -to go out in the evening, when I had come home after the work of the -day, and I did not wish to see an operetta. An operetta was formerly a -matter of indifference to me, but now it is distasteful, since through -my love for her I have entered another sphere of emotion which I do not -hesitate to call a higher one. How foolish of me! I had the idea that -she would draw me out of the mire, but she draws me down; she has drawn -me down the whole time. Then it is not she but my love which draws -upward, for there is a higher and a lower. Yes, the sage was right who -said, 'Men marry to have a home to come to to, women marry to have a -home to go out of.' Home is not for the woman but for the man and the -child. All women complain of being shut up at home, and so does mine, -although she goes about the whole morning paying visits, and haunting -cafés and shops."</p> - -<p>He began to work his way out of this slough of despond, and found -himself on the side where the fault was not. But again he saw the -heart-rending spectacle of his young wife on her knees begging him, -with outstretched hands, not to kill her youth and brightness with his -severity. Since it was foreign to his nature to act a part, he felt -sure that she was not doing so, and felt again like a criminal, so that -he was tempted to commit suicide, for the mere fact of his existence -crushed her happiness.</p> - -<p>But again his sense of justice was aroused, for he had no right to take -the blame on himself when he did not deserve it. He was not hard but he -was serious, and it was just his seriousness which had made the deepest -impression on the young girl and decided her to prefer him to other -frivolous young men. He had not wished to kill her joy; on the contrary -he had done everything in his power to procure for her the quiet joys -of domesticity; he had not even wished to deny her the ambiguous -pleasure of the operetta, but had sacrificed himself and accompanied -her thither. What she had said was therefore simply nonsense. And yet -her grief had been so deep and sincere. What was the meaning of it?</p> - -<p>Then came the answer. It was the girl's leave-taking of youth—which -was inevitable. It was therefore as natural as it was beautiful—this -outbreak of despair at the brevity of spring. But he was not to blame -for it, and if his wife perhaps in a year was to become a mother, it -was now the right time to bid farewell to girlish joys in order to -prepare for the higher joys of maternity.</p> - -<p>He had, therefore, nothing to reproach himself with, and yet he did -reproach himself with everything. With a quick resolve, he shook off -his depression and went to his wife, firmly determining not to say a -word in his defence, for that meant extinguishing her love, but simply -to invite her to reconciliation without a reckoning.</p> - -<p>He found his wife on the point of being weary of solitude, and she -would have welcomed the society of anyone, even that of her husband, -rather than be quite alone.</p> - -<p>Then they came to an agreement to give a party and to invite his -friends and hers, who would be sure to come. This evening their need -for domestic peace and comfort was so mutual that they agreed, without -any difficulty, who should be invited and who not.</p> - -<p>They closed the day by drinking a bottle of champagne. The sparkling -drink loosened her tongue and now she took the opportunity to make him -gentle and jesting reproaches for his egotism and discourtesy towards -his wife. She looked so pretty as she raised herself on tiptoe above -him, and she seemed so much greater and nobler when she had rolled all -her faults upon him, that he thought it a pity to pull her down, and -therefore went to sleep laden with all the defects and shortcomings -which he had taken on himself.</p> - -<p>When he awoke the next morning he lay still in order to think over the -events of the past evening. And now he despised himself for having -kept silence and refrained from defending himself. Now he perceived -how the whole of their life together was built upon his silence and -the suppression of his personality. For if he had spoken yesterday, -she would have gone—she always threatened to go to her mother when he -"ill-treated" her, and she called it "ill-treatment" every time that -he was tired of making himself out worse than he was. Here they were -building on falsity, and the building would collapse some day when he -ventured on a criticism or personal remark regarding her.</p> - -<p>Reverence, worship, blind obedience—that was the price of her love—he -must either pay it, or go without it.</p> - -<p>The party took place. The husband, as a good host, did all he could -to efface himself and bring his wife into prominence. His friends, -who were gentlemen, behaved to her in their turn with all the courtesy -which they felt was due to a young wife.</p> - -<p>After supper music was proposed. There was a piano in the house, -but the wife could not play, and the husband did not want to. A -young doctor undertook the task, and since he had to choose his own -programme, he had resort to his favourite, Wagner. The mistress of -the house did not know what he was playing but did not like the deep -seriousness of it. When at last the thunder ceased, her husband sat -uneasily there, for he could surmise what was coming.</p> - -<p>As a ladylike hostess, she had to say something. She thought a simple -"thanks" insufficient, and asked what the music was.</p> - -<p>Then it came out—Wagner!</p> - -<p>Her husband felt the look which he feared, which told him that he was -a traitor who perhaps had wished to entice her to praise in ignorance -"the worst music which she knew." During the time of their engagement -she had certainly listened attentively to her fiance's long speeches -in defence of Wagner, but immediately after their marriage, she had -declared openly that she could not bear him. Therefore her husband had -never played to her, and she feigned not to know that he could play. -But now she felt insidiously surprised, and her husband received the -beforementioned look which told him what he had to expect.</p> - -<p>The guests had gone, and husband and wife sat there alone.</p> - -<p>In his father's house he had learnt never to speak anything but good of -departed guests, but rather to be silent. She had also heard something -of the kind, but here she felt no need of restraint. So now she began -to criticise his friends; they were, to put it briefly, tedious.</p> - -<p>He gnawed his cigar in silence, for to dispute about likings and taste -in this case would be unreasonable.</p> - -<p>But she also considered them discourteous. She had been told that young -men should say pleasant things.</p> - -<p>"Did they venture to say anything unpleasant?" he asked, feeling uneasy -lest anyone should have forgotten himself.</p> - -<p>"No, not exactly."</p> - -<p>Then came a shower of petty criticisms; someone's tie was not straight, -another had too long a nose, another drawled, and then, "the fellow who -played Wagner!"</p> - -<p>"You are not kind," said her husband with a lame attempt to defend his -friends.</p> - -<p>"Yes! and the friends you trust in! You should only have heard and seen -the words and looks which I heard and saw. They are false to you."</p> - -<p>He continued to smoke and kept silence, but he thought how low he -had sunk to deny his old and tried friends; how despicable it was to -plead for forgiveness with his eyes for the performance of Wagner. -His thoughts ran parallel with her loud chatter, and he spoke them in -silence.</p> - -<p>"You despise my friends because they do not court their friend's wife, -do not pay her little compliments on her figure and dress; and you hate -them because you feel how my strength grows in the circle of their -sympathies for me. You hate them as you hate me, and would hate anyone -else who was your husband."</p> - -<p>She must have felt the effect of these thoughts, for her volubility -slackened, and when he cast a glance at her, she seemed to have shrunk -together. Immediately afterwards she rose, on the pretext that she felt -freezing. As a matter of fact, she was trembling and had red flames on -her cheeks.</p> - -<p>That night he observed for the first time that he had at his side an -ugly old woman who had enamelled her face with bright cosmetics and -plaited her hair like a peasant woman.</p> - -<p>She did not bother herself to appear at her best before him but was -already free and easy and cynical enough to make herself repugnant by -disclosing the unbeautiful secrets of the toilet.</p> - -<p>Then for a moment he was released from his enchantment, and continued -to think of flight till sleep had pity on him.</p> - -<p>A couple of weeks passed in dull silence. He could not get rid of the -thought that it was a pity about her, and when she was bored, it was -his fault for the moment, because he was her husband—for the moment. -To seek for others' society was now no longer possible, since his -friends had been rejected, and she had no more pleasure in her own. -They tried to go out each his own way but always returned home.</p> - -<p>"You find it hard to be away from me, in spite of all!" she said.</p> - -<p>"And you?" he answered.</p> - -<p>She remained compliant and indifferent, no longer angry, so that they -could talk, i.e. he ventured to answer.</p> - -<p>"My jailor!" she said on one occasion.</p> - -<p>"Who is in jail, you or I?" he answered.</p> - -<p>When they perceived that they were each other's prisoners, they smiled -at the relationship and began to examine the witchcraft of which they -were victims. They went back in memory and lived over again the -engagement period and their wedding journey. Consequently they lived -always in the past, never in the present.</p> - -<p>Then came the great moment he had waited for as a liberation—the -announcement of her expecting to be a mother. Her longings would now -have an object, and she would look forward instead of backward. But -even here he had miscalculated.</p> - -<p>Now she was angry with him, for her beauty would wither away, and -it was no use his trying to comfort her by saying she would get up -rejuvenated with recovered beauty, and that the crowning happiness -awaited her. She treated him like a murderer, and could not look at him -for his mere scent aroused her dislike. In order to obtain light on the -matter, he asked their doctor. The latter laughed and explained to him -that in such cases women always thought they smelt something;—this was -either pure imagination or a physical perversion of the olfactory nerve.</p> - -<p>When at last this stage was over, a certain calm succeeded which he was -short-sighted enough to enjoy. Since he was now sure of having his wife -in the house he perhaps showed that he was happy and thankful for it. -But he should not have done so, for now she saw the matter from a new -point of view.</p> - -<p>"Ah! now you think you have me fast, but just wait till I am up again!"</p> - -<p>The look which accompanied the threat gave him to understand what would -happen. Now he began a battle with himself whether he should await the -arrival of the child or go away first, in order to avoid the wrench of -parting from it.</p> - -<p>Since the married pair had entered into such a close relationship that -one could hear the thoughts of the other, he could keep no secrets from -her which she did not seize upon forthwith.</p> - -<p>"I know well enough that you contemplate deserting us and casting us on -the street."</p> - -<p>"That is strange," he remarked; "it is you who have threatened the -whole time to go off with the child, as soon as it came. So whatever -I do is wrong; if I stay you go, and then I am both unhappy and -ridiculous; if I go you are the martyr, and I am unhappy and a -scoundrel to boot! That comes of having to do with women!"</p> - -<p>How they got through the nine months was to him a puzzle. The last -part of the time was the most tolerable, for she had begun to love the -unborn child, and love imparted to her a higher beauty than she had -before. But when he told her so, she did not believe him, and when she -observed that he was lulling himself to sleep with dreams of perpetual -happiness by her side she broke out again, saying: "You think you have -got me safe now."</p> - -<p>"My dear," he answered, "when we vowed to each other to be man and -wife, I believed that I would belong to you and you to me, and I hoped -that we should hold together so that the child should be born in a -home, and be brought up by its father and mother."</p> - -<p>And so on <i>ad infinitum</i>.</p> - -<p>The child came, and the mother's joy was boundless. Ennui had -disappeared and the man breathed freely, but he should have done so -more imperceptibly. For two sharp eyes saw it and two keen looks said: -"You think that I am tied by the child!"</p> - -<p>On the third day the little one had lost the charm of novelty and was -handed over to a nurse. Then dressmakers were summoned. Now he knew -what was coming. From that hour he went about like a man condemned to -death, waiting for his execution. He packed two travelling-bags which -he hid in his wardrobe, ready to fly at the given signal.</p> - -<p>The signal was given two days after his wife got up. She had put on a -dress of an extremely showy cut and of the colour called "lamp-shade."</p> - -<p>He took her out for a walk and suffered unspeakably when he saw that -she whom he loved, attracted a degree of attention which he found -obnoxious. Even the street urchins pointed with their fingers at the -overdressed lady.</p> - -<p>From that day he avoided going out with her. He stayed at home with the -child, and lamented that he had a wife who made herself ridiculous.</p> - -<p>Her next step to freedom was the riding-school. Through the stable -the doors to society were opened for her. By means of horses one made -acquaintances in the upper circles. Horses and dogs form the transition -stage to the world from which one peers down in order to be able to -discover the pedestrians on the dusty highways. The rider on horseback -is six ells high instead of three, and he always looks as though he -wished that those who walk should look up to him. The stable also was -her means of introduction to a lieutenant who was a baron. Their hearts -responded to each other, and since the baron was a clean-natured man, -he decidedly refused to go through the stages of guest and friend of -the house. Therefore they went off together, or rather, fled.</p> - -<p>Her husband remained behind with the child.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> -<h4>IV</h4> - - -<p>The baron jumped into the Stockholm express at Södertälje where he had -arranged to meet her. Everything had been carefully arranged for them -to be alone together at last, but Fate had other designs. When the -baron entered the railway carriage he found his beloved sitting wedged -in tightly among strangers, so tightly that there was no room for him. -A glance in the adjoining coupe showed him that it was full also, and -he had to stand in the corridor. Rage distorted his face, and when he -tried to greet her with a secret and loving smile, he only showed his -back teeth, which she had never seen before. To make matters worse, he -had, in order not to be noticed, put on mufti. She had never seen him -in this, and his spring coat looked faded, now that it was autumn. Some -soft summer showers in the former year had caused the cloth to pucker -near the seams, so that it lay in many small wave-like folds. Since it -had been cut according to the latest fashion it gave him the appearance -of having sloping shoulders which continued the neck down to the arms -with the same ignoble outlines as those of a half-pint bottle. He -perspired with rage, and a fragment of coal had settled firmly on his -nose. She would like to have jumped up and with her lace handkerchief -wiped away the black smut but dared not. He did not like to look at her -for fear of displeasing her, and therefore remained standing in the -corridor with his back towards her.</p> - -<p>When they reached Katrineholm they had to dine if they did not wish -to remain hungry till evening. Here the man and the hero had to show -himself, and stand the ordeal or he was lost. With trembling calves -and puckered face he followed his lady out of the train and across the -railway lines. Here he fell on his knee, so that his hat slipped to the -back of his head and remained sticking there like a military cap. But -the position which made the latter look smart did not suit the unusual -hat. In a word it was not his good day, and he had no luck.</p> - -<p>When they entered the dining-saloon, they looked as though they had -quarrelled inwardly, as though they despised each other, were ashamed -before each other, and mutually wished themselves apart.</p> - -<p>His nerves were entirely out of order, and he could not control a -single muscle. Without knowing what he was doing, he pushed her forward -to the table saying, "Hurry up!"</p> - -<p>The table was already surrounded by passengers, who fell on the viands -in scattered order and therefore could not open their ranks. The baron -made a sally and finally succeeded in seizing a plate, but as he wedged -in his arm to get a fork, his hand encountered another hand which -belonged to the person he least of all wished to meet just then.</p> - -<p>It was his senior officer, a major who presided at military -examinations.</p> - -<p>At the same moment a whisper passed through the crowd.</p> - -<p>They were recognised! He stood there as though naked among nettles. His -neck swelled so unnaturally and grew so red that his cheeks seemed to -form part of it. He could not understand how people's looks could have -the effect of gun-bullets. He was literally fusilladed and collapsed. -His companion vanished from his mind; he could only think of the major -and the military examination which might destroy his future.</p> - -<p>But she had seen and understood; she turned her back on everyone and -went out. She got into the wrong coupe but it was empty. He came -afterwards and they were alone at last.</p> - -<p>"That's a nice business, isn't it?" he hissed, striking his forehead. -"To think of my letting myself be enticed into such an adventure! And -the major too! Now my career is at an end!"</p> - -<p>That was the theme which was enlarged on with variations till -Linköping. Hunger and thirst both contributed their part to it. It was -terrible.</p> - -<p>After Linköping they both felt that the mutual reproaches they had -hitherto held back must find a vent. But just at the right moment they -remembered her husband and attacked him. It was his fault; he was the -tyrant, the idiot of course, "a fellow who played Wagner," a devil. It -was he who had given the major a hint, no doubt.</p> - -<p>"Yes, I believe you," said she with the firmest conviction.</p> - -<p>"Do you? I know it," answered the baron. "They meet on the Stock -Exchange, where they speculate in shares together. And do you know what -I begin to suspect? Your husband, the 'wretch' as we call him, has -never loved you."</p> - -<p>The wife considered a moment. Whether it was that her husband's love -was indubitable, or that it was necessary to suppose that he loved her, -if she was to have the honour of having made a fool of him—enough, he -must have loved her, since she was so lovable.</p> - -<p>"No! now you are unjust," she ventured to say. She felt herself -somewhat elevated by being able to speak a good word of an enemy, but -the baron took it as a reproach against himself and recommenced.</p> - -<p>"He loved you? He who shut you up and would not accompany you to the -riding-school! He——"</p> - -<p>The safety-conductor seemed used up, and threatened to deflect the -lightning to one side in a dangerous way. So they took up a new thread -of conversation—the question of food. Since this could not be settled -before Naujö, which was still half a day distant, they soon dropped it -again. In her extremity, and carried away by a torrent of thoughts and -emotions which she could not resist, she hazarded a conjecture as to -how her child was. To this his answer was a yawn which split his face -like a red apple to the uvula where some dark molars resembled the core -of it. Gradually he let himself slide down into a reclining attitude on -the sofa, but remembering that he ought to make some apology for his -unseemly behaviour, he yawned and said: "Excuse me, but I am so sleepy."</p> - -<p>Immediately afterwards he went to sleep, and after a time he snored. -Since she was no longer under the influence of his looks and words, she -could reflect quietly again, see who her travelling companion was, and -began, involuntarily, to institute comparisons. Her husband had never -behaved like this; he was refined compared with the baron, and was -always well-dressed.</p> - -<p>The baron, who had drunk much punch the day before, began now -to perspire and smelt of vinegar. Besides that, he always had a -stable-like smell about him.</p> - -<p>She went out into the corridor, opened a window, and as though released -from enchantment, she saw the whole extent of her loss and the terrible -nature of her position. As the spring landscape swept past, a little -lake with willows and a cottage, she remembered vividly how she had -dreamt of a summer holiday with the child. Then she broke into weeping, -and tried to throw herself out but was held back. She remained standing -a long time, and stamped with her feet as though she wished to stop the -train and make it go backwards. All the time she heard his snoring, -like grunts from a pigsty at feeding-time. And for this ... creature, -she had left a good home, a beautiful child, and a husband.</p> - -<p>The snoring ceased, and the baron began to employ his recuperated -thinking faculties in considering the situation and settling his -future. He did not know how to be sad; instead of that he became angry. -When he saw her holding her handkerchief to her eyes, he got in a rage, -and took it as a personal reproach. But quarrelling was tedious and -unpleasant; therefore assuming a light tone, and caressing her as one -might a horse, he clicked with his tongue and said: "Cheer up, Maja!"</p> - -<p>Two such opposite moods, in colliding, cut each other and each fell on -its own side of the knife. A dead silence was the result. They were -no longer one person, but two, irrevocably two, who did not belong -together.</p> - -<p>Yet another half-day in wretchedness and boredom; a night with changes -of train in the darkness, and at last they were in Copenhagen. There -they were unknown and had no need to feel embarrassed. But when they -entered the dining-saloon, she began to pass the "searchlight" of her -looks, as he called it, over all those present, so that when the baron -looked at her he never saw her eye except in profile. At last he became -angry and kicked her shin under the table. Then she turned away and -appealed with her eyes to the company. She could not look at him—so -hateful did he seem to her. Upstairs in their room the corks were drawn -out. They reached the stage of recriminations. His spoilt career was -her fault ... she had lost her child and home through him. So it went -on till past midnight when sleep had mercy on them.</p> - -<p>Then next morning they sat at the breakfast-table, silent and ghastly -to look at. She remembered her honeymoon journey and very much the same -situation. They had nothing to say to each other, and he was as tedious -as her husband had been. They kept silence and were ashamed of being in -each other's presence. They were conscious of their mutual hatred, and -poisoned each other with nerve-poison.</p> - -<p>At last the deliverer came. The waiter approached with a telegram for -the baron, who opened and read it at a glance. He seemed to consider, -cast a calculating glance at his enemy, and after a pause said: "I am -recalled by the commanding officer."</p> - -<p>"And mean to leave me here?"</p> - -<p>He changed his resolve in a second: "No, we will travel back together." -A plan suggested itself and he told her of it. "We will sail across to -Landskrona; there no one knows you, and you can wait for me."</p> - -<p>The idea of sailing had a smack of the adventurous and heroic about it, -and this trifle outweighed all other considerations. She was kindled, -kindled him, and they packed at once. The prospect of leaving her, for -however short a time, restored his courage.</p> - -<p>Accordingly, some hours later, he took his seat in a hired -sailing-boat with his beloved by the foresail and put off from Lange -Linie like a sea-robber with his bride, blustering, ostentatious and -gorgeous.</p> - -<p>In order to conceal his plan he had only spoken to the owner of the -boat of a pleasure-trip in the Sound. His intention was to telegraph -from Landskrona and send the money due for the boat and have the boat -itself towed by a steamer.</p> - -<p>As they were putting off from shore, the boat owner stood near and -watched them. But when he saw that they were directing their course to -the Island Hven, he put his hands to his mouth and shouted: "Don't go -too near Hven," and something else which was carried away by the wind.</p> - -<p>"Why not Hven?" asked the baron aloud. "The shore is steep, so that -there are no rocks under water."</p> - -<p>"Yes, but if he tells us so, he must have had some reason for it," she -objected.</p> - -<p>"Don't talk nonsense! Look after the foresail!"</p> - -<p>The wind blew a light gale on the open sea, and since there was a -considerable distance between the foresail and the stern there was no -need for conversation, much to the baron's relief.</p> - -<p>Their course was directed towards the south-east corner of Hven, -though at first not noticeably so. But when she at last saw whither -they were going, she called out: "Don't steer for Hven!"</p> - -<p>"Hold your——!" answered the baron and tacked.</p> - -<p>After an hour's good run they had come abreast of the white island -and a light pressure on the rudder turned the boat's prow towards -Landskrona, which appeared in the north.</p> - -<p>"Saved!" cried the steersman and lit a cigar.</p> - -<p>At the same instant a little steamer put out from Hven and made -straight for the sailing-boat.</p> - -<p>"What is that steamer?" she asked.</p> - -<p>"It is a custom-house boat," answered the baron who was at home on the -sea.</p> - -<p>But now the steamer hoisted a yellow flag and whistled.</p> - -<p>"That has nothing to do with us," said the baron, and kept on his -course.</p> - -<p>But the steamer took a sweep round, signalled with the flag, and let -off several short, sharp whistles like cries of distress, increasing -speed at the same time. Then the baron jumped up wildly at the stern as -though he intended plunging into the sea. He remembered the outbreak of -cholera at Hamburg and cried: "It is the quarantine! Three days! We are -lost!"</p> - -<p>The next moment he sat down again in his place, hauling taut the -main-sheet and drifting before the wind, straight towards the Sound. -The chase began, but soon the steamer stood athwart the bow of the -sailing-boat, which was captured.</p> - -<p>The whole carefully-thought-out device of the baron to avoid the gaze -of curious eyes was defeated, and as their sailing-boat was towed into -the harbour of Hven, the unhappy pair were saluted from the bridge by -hundreds of their fellow-countrymen with derisive applause and peals of -laughter, though the latter did not know whom they were applauding. But -the chagrin of the captured pair was greater than the others guessed, -for they believed that people were ridiculing their unfortunate love -affair.</p> - -<p>To make matters worse the baron had unpardonably insulted the -quarantine doctor by upbraiding him on board the steamer. Therefore no -special consideration was shown them, but they were treated like all -others who come from a cholera-infected port. Since their incognito was -bound to be seen through sooner or later, they went about in perpetual -fear of discovery. Full of suspicion, they believed every other hour -that they were recognised.</p> - -<p>No one would have the patience to read the story of the torture of -those three days. So much is known, that the first day she spent in -weeping for her child, while he walked about the island. The second day -she enlarged upon the excellent qualities of her husband as contrasted -with the execrable ones of her lover. On the third day she cursed him -for having taken her away, and when she ended by calling him an idiot -for not having obeyed her own and the boat-owner's advice to avoid -Hven, he gave her a box on the ear.... On the fourth day when they were -really discovered, and newspapers arrived with the whole story, they -went into a crevice in the rocks to hide their shame.</p> - -<p>When at last two steamers came to fetch the unfortunates, each went on -board a different one. And after that day they never saw nor knew each -other again.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was nearly midnight when the reading was ended. An interval of -silence followed, but the postmaster felt he must say something. "One -generally says 'thanks'!" he remarked. "Meanwhile, after you have -said all, there is not much to add: I will only ask myself, you, and -everyone a general question: 'What is love?'"</p> - -<p>"What is love? Answer: 'I don't know.' Love has been called a piece -of roguery on the part of Nature. I don't believe that, for I know -that Nature has neither made itself nor can it think out pieces of -roguery. But if we accept that proposition, we descend to zoology, and -that I do not wish to do. I do not share the theoretical veneration -for woman which my contemporaries cherish; on the other hand, I -instinctively place her higher than ourselves. She seems to me to be -formed out of finer material than we men, but I may be wrong, for she -seems to be furnished with more animal functions than we are. If I were -a theosophist, I should believe she was only a kind of intermediary -chrysalis stage on the way to man, only a temporary manifestation, out -of which love, i.e. man's love, creates in, her possibilities of being -and seeming. When he finds this really lifeless form of existence and -breathes his immortal breath into it, he shares the Creator's joy on -the seventh day. The process of refining, which his coarser substance -hindered him bringing about in his own soul, he brings about in hers, -and through reaction—no! it is too difficult for me to explain; it -is like dividing an angle into three equal parts. Anyhow, the fact is -certain, and my story is an illustration of it, that when a man is -deceived in his love as he always is, his whole being revolts against -the government of the world, which seems to him to have condescended -to mock at his holiest possession, the holiest thing in all creation. -If Providence is consonant with such deceit and such coarse jesting -then he discovers a devil where he thought he had seen a good angel. -After that what shall he trust, what shall he value, at what shall he -not make a grimace? And when after marriage the veil falls, and like -Adam and Eve they are naked and ashamed, then even the most unbelieving -is conscious of something resembling the Fall. Then comes a fresh error -and they think they have deceived each other, which they have not done. -So they scourge each other for crimes which neither has committed. A -second deception follows the first."</p> - -<p>They were again silent. Then the postmaster gave the conversation -another turn and descended to the earth. "You can guess that I, at any -rate, recognise the lady of your story. She lives in her own little -house, here on the island by the shore."</p> - -<p>"Yes she does! I know her, and I was quarantine doctor at Hven when she -was captured. Now that she is elderly she has renewed her acquaintance -with me, and it is from her own mouth that I heard the story. She -has been in love countless times, and declares that every time she -believed she had found the right man who had been predestined for her -from the foundation of the world."</p> - -<p>"Does not reason feel its helplessness before such riddles, riddles of -every day?"</p> - -<p>"Yes and therefore ... yes, next Saturday you shall hear another story, -and I think we shall approach the riddle a little more closely, i.e. we -shall find its insolubility more strongly proved."</p> - -<p>"I shall be glad to hear it. But why don't you have your stories -printed?"</p> - -<p>"Because I have been a doctor, and a woman's doctor. I have no right to -reveal what I have heard in my official capacity. Sometimes I should -like to be a writer with a prescriptive right to find material for his -art in men's lives and destinies; but that is a calling and a task -which is denied to me."</p> - -<p>"Very well; good night till next Saturday."</p> - -<p>When Saturday evening came round, the two old men sat in the corner -room with their toddy and tobacco and a large pile of manuscript on the -table. The postmaster looked a little nervously at it, as a child might -at a family book of sermons.</p> - -<p>"We can give two evenings to it," said the doctor soothingly.</p> - -<p>"Ah no! we have the whole evening before us and to-morrow is Sunday. -Fire ahead! We will have an interval for refreshments."</p> - -<p>The doctor began to read at six o'clock and had finished when it struck -eleven.</p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h3><a name="THE_DOCTORS_SECOND_STORY" id="THE_DOCTORS_SECOND_STORY">THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY </a></h3> - - - -<h4>I</h4> - - -<p>He had left his Christiania full of bitterness because a public -injustice had been done him. At forty years of age he had written the -best modern drama and had invented a new form of play with a new plot -which answered the expectations of the generation which was growing -up. But the older generation was still alive, and spectators, actors, -and critics felt that their ideals were leaving them in the lurch, and -that they themselves would be involved in their fall. If the public -taste took a new direction which they could not follow, they would -be regarded as superannuated, and be left behind. Accordingly his -masterpiece had been called idiotic and had been hissed off the stage, -and it had been suggested to him that he should return to America, -where he had already been and left his wife, from whom he was separated.</p> - -<p>But, instead of going to America, he went to Copenhagen. In the centre -of the city he set up a restaurant where he foregathered with Swedes -and Finns. After some months' delay he succeeded in getting his drama -performed at a Copenhagen theatre. It was decidedly successful and his -reputation was saved. He had felt that he had done with life, but now -he began to wake up and to look about him. But when he did enter into -life again, he did so with dull resignation and an almost fatalistic -spirit which found expression in his favourite motto: "Prepared for -everything!"</p> - -<p>His dramatic success resulted in his receiving social invitations. One -evening he went to a soiree at a distinguished author's, round whom -the younger stars in art and literature were accustomed to gather. -The supper was long and brilliant, but several unoccupied places were -waiting for guests who should arrive after the theatres had closed. At -half-past ten there was a stir in the company, for the expected guests -came—three ladies and three men all unknown to the Norwegian. But one -of the three ladies greeted him as an acquaintance and reached the -stranger her hand. Immediately afterwards he asked the hostess in a -whisper who it was.</p> - -<p>"Who is it? Miss X—— of course! You talked with her at Doctor E——'s -supper."</p> - -<p>"Really! It is strange that with my good memory I cannot recall her -appearance. One evening lately, in a well-lit theatre lobby, I passed -her without a greeting."</p> - -<p>"Of course you don't see that she is pretty."</p> - -<p>"Is she?" He leant forward to look at the young lady who had taken her -seat far down the table. "Yes she doesn't look bad."</p> - -<p>"Fie! Fie! She is a celebrated beauty of the best Copenhagen type."</p> - -<p>"Oh! Formerly I only admired blondes but latterly have confined my -admiration to brunettes." Then they talked of something else. After -supper the company gathered in the drawing-room and the beautiful -Dane and the Norwegian sat so close together that he put her cup down -for her. When she asked who would escort her home, he answered: "I of -course," and his escort was accepted. When at last the company broke -up, he and she found themselves in the same mysterious way so deep in -conversation that a group of ladies and gentlemen formed a circle round -them with a mischievous air to watch them. The pair, however, did not -observe this, but continued to talk. As they went down the steps they -heard a "good night!" and a ringing laugh overhead from the young and -charming hostess who was leaning over the balcony-railing. They went -along the shore, and past the bridges, continuing their conversation -without a pause. When they came to X—— Street she invited him to -supper the following evening to meet a young female artist. But she -prepared him to find her surroundings very simple, as she was staying -in a pension kept by a strict old lady. Then they parted as though they -had been old acquaintances and colleagues.</p> - -<p>As he walked home alone through the night, and tried to recall the -events of the evening to his mind, he noticed again the curious fact -that he could not remember her appearance. Yet as a former reporter, -he had been so accustomed to photograph people and scenes, landscapes -and interiors with his eye that he could not understand it. Moreover, -he observed that she was quite a different person this evening to -what she had been the first time they met. There was now no trace -of "independence" about her, only a mild yieldingness, a certain -melancholy, which became her well and aroused sympathy. When they -talked of the unfortunate fate of a certain person, there were tears -in her voice. It was the voice which he remembered more than anything -else about her—somewhat deep and melancholy with a slight accent -which carried one far away from the great town and awoke memories of -wood and sea, the sounds of nature, shepherds' huts, and hay-rakes. -He now recollected how they had really treated her like a child the -previous evening, had teased her about her writings, and asked her -for recommendations, at which she had only smiled. She also had the -unfortunate habit of letting fall naive expressions, which were really -seriously meant, but sometimes had a repellent effect.</p> - -<p>The only one who had taken her seriously was himself, the foreigner. -And he had seen that she was no child but a woman with whom he could -speak of men and books and all that interested him, without once having -to explain his remarks.</p> - -<p>When he awoke the next morning, he tried to call to his mind the events -and persons of the previous day. It was his habit, when he made a new -acquaintance, to seek in his memory for the "corresponding number," as -he called it, in order to get a clear idea of his character; i.e. he -thought which of his old friends most nearly resembled the person in -question. This psychical operation was often performed involuntarily, -i.e. when he tried to call up the image of his new acquaintance, the -figure of an old one rose up in his mind and more or less obliterated -the latter. When he now recalled his yesterday's memories of Miss -X—— he saw her with an elderly married cousin, to whom he had always -felt indifferent. This suppressed any sentimental feeling, if any -were present, and he only thought of her as a kindly woman-friend. -Accordingly, in the evening, he felt perfectly calm and without a -trace of that embarrassment which one sometimes feels in attempting -to make oneself agreeable to a young lady. He was received with -perfect frankness as an old acquaintance and led into a lady's boudoir -elegantly furnished with a well-appointed writing-table, flower-plants, -family portraits, carpets, and comfortable chairs.</p> - -<p>Since the lady painter had been prevented coming, he had to be content -with a <i>tête-à-tête</i>, and this somewhat jarred on his sense of -propriety. But his hostess's simple and unaffected manner caused him to -suppress some remarks which might have hurt her feelings.</p> - -<p>So they sat opposite each other and talked. Her black silk dress had -blue insets and was cut in the "empire style," with dark lace trimmings -which hung from her shoulders like a sleigh-net. This gave her a -somewhat matronly appearance, and when he noticed her tone like that -of an experienced woman of the world, he thought for a moment: "She is -divorced!" Her face, which he could now examine in full light, showed -a flat forehead which looked as though it had been hammered smooth and -betokened a determined will without obstinacy. The eyes were large and -well-defined as with Southerners. The nose seemed to have altered its -mind while growing, for it took a little bend in the middle and became -Roman by degrees. This little unexpected "joy-ful surprise" lent a -cameo-like charm to her profile.</p> - -<p>Their conversation was still more lively this evening, for they had -already amassed a small store of common experiences to discuss, -acquaintances to analyse, and ideas to test. They sat there and cut -out silhouettes of their friends, and as neither of them wished to -seem spiteful, they cut them in handsome shapes, and not with pointed -scissors.</p> - -<p>During this innocent interchange of thought, he had glanced at a -very large flower-basket full of splendid roses. She had divined -his thoughts, and just as a servant brought in a bottle of wine and -cigarettes, she got up and went towards the roses.</p> - -<p>("She is engaged!" he thought and felt himself superfluous.)</p> - -<p>"I was given these by a friend on his departure," she said.</p> - -<p>But in order to show that she was not engaged she broke off a stem -carelessly. It was fastened with wire, and she had to look for her -scissors. As these were in her work-basket on the lowest shelf of her -work-table, she knelt down and remained kneeling. She remained in that -attitude while she fastened two of the finest roses in his buttonhole, -and she only needed to stretch out an arm to reach a glass of wine and -drink to his health.</p> - -<p>"'Roses and wine!' I have used that as a refrain for a ballad," he -said. He thought the situation somewhat strange but insignificant in -itself.</p> - -<p>"Oh! do repeat the ballad!"</p> - -<p>He had forgotten it.</p> - -<p>She rose up and sat on her chair, and he persuaded her to tell him -something of her life. She had early left her parents, who lived -separated without being divorced, for they were Catholics. She had been -educated in convent-schools in London, Paris, Italy, and elsewhere. -In Paris especially, when with English ladies, she had been bothered -with religion, but had finally thrown it all overboard. She certainly -felt an emptiness without it, but expected, like everyone else, that -some new substitute was coming into the world. Meanwhile, like her -contemporaries, she devoted her energies to the deliverance of humanity -from pauperism and oppression. She had superficially studied Nietzsche -among others and laid him aside again after finding in him a slight -corrective to over-strained expectations of universal equality.</p> - -<p>While she was talking, he noticed that light fell through a curtain -behind her back, which screened a door apparently leading into the -interior of the house. Like lightning the thought struck him that -he might be the object of a joke, and was to be surprised in the -ridiculous position of a woman-worshipper. Or perhaps it was only -for propriety's sake that communication was kept open with the main -building. This wholesome doubt kept their conversation free from all -tincture of flirtation, and when supper was served he reproached -himself for having suspected his hostess of evil purposes or a want of -trust in him.</p> - -<p>About half-past eight he was about to go, but she only needed to -express a suspicion that he was longing for the café to make him -remain. About half-past nine o'clock he was going again but was kept -back.</p> - -<p>"But," he remonstrated, "it is my part as the elder and more prudent to -spare you any unpleasantness."</p> - -<p>She understood nothing, but declared that she was independent and that -the lady who kept the pension was accustomed to her suppers.</p> - -<p>At last his instinct told him that it was a mistake to stay longer; -he rose and took his leave. On his way home, he said to himself, "No, -people are not so simple, and cannot be labelled by formulas, for I -don't comprehend an atom of this evening or of this woman."</p> - -<p>The next time they met it was in a museum. Her outer dress made her -look like a young married woman of thirty or more. Her mouth had a -tired expression and had fine little wrinkles near it, as is the -case with those who laugh often. But she was melancholy, hinted at -having had a breach with her father, and spoke of taking her departure -shortly. She inquired regarding her friend's relations to theatres and -publishers, and offered to help him with advice and influence. To-day -she was mere motherly tenderness, and a certain carelessness in her -toilet suggested that she did not want to please as a woman.</p> - -<p>But when she proposed that they should go to the theatre together he -declined, from a feeling that he ought not to compromise her, nor -expose himself to danger, for his precarious pecuniary position did not -permit him to think of a love affair.</p> - -<p>He proposed to her instead that they should go for a stroll together, -and she suggested that he should escort her from her new lodging, for -she had changed her rooms.</p> - -<p>("They have given her notice at the pension, because of me," he -thought, but said nothing.)</p> - -<p>By this time his curiosity as an author was aroused, and he wished to -learn the riddle of this woman, for he had never seen any other change -their appearance as she did.</p> - -<p>When in the evening he rang at her door, he was shown into a side room -and asked to wait. When she was dressed he was let out into the front -hall, where they met. This, then, was a new order of things.</p> - -<p>They went westward by an empty street which led to the Zoological -Gardens, and entered a restaurant which she seemed to know well. In her -fur jacket and with a kerchief on her head she looked in the dark like -an old woman, and as she stooped somewhat, she seemed to have something -witchlike about her. But when they entered the well-lit restaurant, -and she laid aside kerchief and jacket she stood revealed all at once -in her youthful beauty. A moss-green, tightly fitting dress showed -the figure of a girl of eighteen, and with her hair brushed smooth, -she looked like an overgrown schoolgirl. He could not conceal his -astonishment at this witchery, and looked her all over as though he -were seeking a concealed enemy with a searchlight. ("Eros! Now I am -lost!" he thought. And from that moment he was indeed.)</p> - -<p>She saw quite well the effect she had produced, and seemed to glisten -there in a sort of phosphorescent light, sure of victory, with a -triumphant expression round her mouth, for she saw that he was -conquered. He felt a sudden fear. She had his soul in her pocket, and -could cast it into the river or into the gutter; therefore he hated -her at the same time. He saw that his only chance of safety lay in -awakening a reciprocal flame in her, so that she might be as closely -bound to him as he was to her. With this half-conscious purpose, he -did what every man in his place would have done—insinuated himself -into her confidence, made himself as little as a child and aroused her -sympathy, the sympathy of a woman for a lacerated and damned soul which -has no more hope of happiness. She listened to him and received his -confidence as a tribute, with calm majestic motherliness, without a -trace of coquetry or pleasure at hearing of another's misfortune.</p> - -<p>When at last, after eating a cold supper, they were about to go, he -rose to look up a train in a railway guide. When he returned to the -table and wished to pay the bill, the waiter informed him that it -had already been paid by the lady! Then he flared up, and wrongly -suspecting that she thought he had no money, demanded that at any rate -he should pay for himself.</p> - -<p>"I don't know the customs of your country," he said, "but in mine a man -who lets a lady pay for him is dishonoured."</p> - -<p>"You were my guest," she answered.</p> - -<p>"No, we went out together, and we cannot come here again. Don't you -know what kind of a reputation you will give me, and by what a hateful -name this waiter may call me?"</p> - -<p>When he recalled the waiter to make good the mistake, there was another -scene, so that he rose angrily and laid his share on the table. She was -sad, but would not acknowledge herself in the wrong. They were both out -of humour, and he noticed that she was thoughtless, just as thoughtless -as when she invited a gentleman alone to her room so late in the -evening. Or was it an expression of feminine independence demanding -to be treated exactly like a man in spite of propriety and prejudice? -Perhaps it was the latter, but he fell it to be a piece of presumption, -and was angry. There threatened to be an uncomfortable silence between -them as they walked home, but she put out her hand and said in a kind, -confidential voice: "Don't be cross."</p> - -<p>"No I am not that, but, but ... never do it again."</p> - -<p>They parted as friends, and he hurried to the café. He had not been -there for a long time, partly through a certain dislike to the tone -prevailing there, which no longer harmonised with his present mood, -and partly because he had promised his friend to be moderate. He found -the usual company, but felt somewhat out of place, and made a clear -resolve never to bring her there. Accordingly, he soon went home and -sank in meditations which were partly gloomy and partly bright. When -he recollected the moment of emergence of the youthful beauty from -the fur skin of the animal there seemed to him something weird and -ominous about it. It was not the youthful beauty which is clothed in -reflections from a paradise of innocence, but a dark, demoniac beauty -which becomes a man's death, the grave of his virile will, and which -leads to humiliation, ruin, and disgraceful bargaining. But it is as -inevitable and unescapable as Fate.</p> - -<p>The next day he was invited, together with her, to dinner at an art -professor's. She then appeared in a new character, talking like a woman -of the world in a confident tone, firing off smart sayings and epigrams -and never at a loss for an answer. At intervals she seemed indifferent, -blase, and cruel.</p> - -<p>The professor, who had just been sitting on a jury, told us that he had -joined in giving a verdict of guilty against a child murderess.</p> - -<p>"I should have acquitted her," said Miss X——. The professor, who -belonged to the Danish Academy and had the entree to the Court, was -astonished, but did not argue with her. He construed her answer as a -burst of caprice and let the matter drop. The conversation at table was -somewhat forced. The Norwegian, who had been invited by the lady of the -house, did not feel at ease in this circle where everything revolved -round the Court. Probably his friend had arranged this invitation with -the kind intention of making him known and of investing him, who had -the reputation of being half an anarchist, with an air of gentility. -The discord was felt when the talk turned upon Art, and the professor -was in a minority of one with his opinions and academic ideals.</p> - -<p>Therefore, when at dessert time his hostess asked the Norwegian whether -he would come to one of her receptions, where he would have the -opportunity of meeting many celebrities, she received such a sharp look -from her husband, that the Norwegian declined the invitation decidedly. -Just then the Scandinavians were in ill favour in the higher circles of -society because a Norwegian artist by his new style of painting had -caused a schism in the Academy.</p> - -<p>Again he had let himself be enticed by his friend's thoughtlessness. -She had brought him into a circle to which he did not belong and in -which he was not welcome. On the other hand she seemed to notice -nothing of it, but was as much at home and at her ease as before.</p> - -<p>After dinner there was music. The young beauty behaved as though her -friend was not there and never looked at him at all. When the party -broke up, she took leave of him as though of a stranger, and let -herself be escorted home by someone else.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>II</h4> - - -<p>It was a Sunday afternoon in February. They were walking in one of the -outer streets of the city towards the west, where they were sure to -meet no acquaintances. Finally they entered a restaurant which lay off -the road. She spoke of her approaching departure, and he said he would -miss her society.</p> - -<p>"Come along too," she said simply and openly.</p> - -<p>"Yes," he answered, "it is really all the same to me where I stay."</p> - -<p>That was an idea which seemed to drive away certain clouds. She now -began to speak of Berlin, the theatrical prospects there, and so on.</p> - -<p>"But," he objected, "it would be too far from my children."</p> - -<p>"Your children! Yes, I have often thought of them. Have you their -portraits with you? Do let me see them!"</p> - -<p>He really had the portraits with him, and as she repeated her wish, -he showed them. The two girls did not interest her much but she was -delighted at the eight-year-old fair boy with the upturned look. "What -a lovely child's face! Isn't it a happiness to have such a child!"</p> - -<p>"To have it to-day, and lose to-morrow!" he replied.</p> - -<p>She now examined the photograph more exactly and began to compare it -with the father somewhat too closely. He began to feel some of that -shyness which a man feels before a woman when she assumes this rôle.</p> - -<p>"It is you," she said, "and not you also."</p> - -<p>He asked for no explanation, and she requested that she might keep the -portrait by her.</p> - -<p>They resumed the discussion of the proposed journey, but she was -absent-minded and often let her looks rest on the photograph.</p> - -<p>He could not guess what was in her mind but he noticed that there -was a struggle of some kind and that she was on the point of forming -a resolution. He felt how a network of fine sucker-like tendrils -spread from her being and wove itself into his. Something fateful was -impending. He felt depressed, longed for the circle of male friends -whom he had abandoned, and asked her to release him from his promise -not to go any more to the café.</p> - -<p>"Are you longing to go down <i>there</i> again?" she said in a motherly -voice. "Think of your little son!"</p> - -<p>They went out silent in the dark but starlit evening. He had for the -first time offered her his arm and the cape of his coat flapped loose -in the wind and struck her face. "I have already dreamt this once," she -said. But he gave no answer.</p> - -<p>When they came to her door, she took him by both hands, looked him in -the eyes and said: "Don't go to your friends." Then she let her veil -drop, and before he divined her intention, printed a kiss through the -veil on his mouth. As he stretched out his arms to embrace her, she -was already behind the door, and closed it. He stood there completely -crestfallen without being able to understand how it had happened. -Then came the conclusion: "She loves me and has not been playing with -me." But what audacity! It is true she let her veil fall, for she was -modest, and fled, alarmed at what she had done. It was original, but -not bold-faced; other countries, other manners!</p> - -<p>But for a man it was somewhat humiliating to receive the first sign of -love and not to bestow it. Yet he would never have dared to run the -risk of a possible box on the ears and a scornful laugh. It was well -that it had happened; now he had certainty, and that was enough.</p> - -<p>She loved him! Since he was loved, he could say to himself: "I am not -so bad after all if someone can look up to me and believe good of me." -This awoke his self-respect, hope, and confidence. He felt himself -young again, and was ready to begin a new spring. It was true that -he had only shown her his good side, but his habit of suppressing -his worse nature for the occasion had brought his better nature into -prominence. This was the secret of the ennobling influence of real -love. He played the part of the magnanimous till it became a second -nature. The fact that he discovered her beauty, and was delighted with -her as a woman later on was a further guarantee that the stages of -their love affair had developed themselves in orderly progression, and -that he had not been merely captivated by a beautiful exterior. He had -indeed guessed her defects and overlooked them, for that is the duty of -love, and the chief proof of its genuineness, for without forbearance -with faults there is no love. He went home and wrote the inevitable -letter. It ended with the words: "Now the man lays his head in your lap -as a sign that the good in you overcomes the evil in him, but do not -misuse your power, for then you must expect the usual fate of tyrants."</p> - -<p>The next morning he sent off the letter by a messenger. Ilmarinen his -Finnish friend stood by the head of his bed and looked mysterious. -"Well!" he said. "Are you going to try once more?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, so it appears."</p> - -<p>"And you dare to?"</p> - -<p>"If it comes to the worst, I only dare to be unhappy, and one is -unhappy anyhow."</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes."</p> - -<p>"It is a change at any rate, and this lonely life is no life."</p> - -<p>Instead of an answer to his letter he received a telegram with a -request to meet her that evening at the office of an editor who might -be useful to them.</p> - -<p>In answer to this he sent a message by telegram: "I don't come till I -have received an answer to my letter."</p> - -<p>Again came a telegram, in which she asked to be allowed to postpone her -answer till the next day.</p> - -<p>He thought the whole affair nonsensical but went to keep the -appointment. She seemed as though nothing had happened; they ate their -supper and discussed business. The editor was a married man, and -pleasant, nor did he seem to wish his visitors to worship him.</p> - -<p>This evening, however, the Norwegian thought her ugly. She was -carelessly dressed, had ink on her fingers, and she talked so -exclusively of business that she lost all her ideal aspect. He had -experienced much in his life, and seen many strange people, but anyone -so eccentric as this woman he had never seen. He went home with a -feeling of relief, firmly resolved not to follow her to Berlin, nor to -link his destiny any closer with hers. The next morning he received her -letter; this strengthened him still further in his resolve to withdraw. -She wrote that she was one of those women who cannot love. ("What sort -of a woman is that? A mere phrase!" he thought.) He believed that he -loved her but he was only in love with her love. ("Alexandre Dumas I -think!") She still desired, however, to remain his friend and asked him -to meet her that day.</p> - -<p>He answered this with a farewell letter of thanks.</p> - -<p>Then there rained on him telegrams and express messengers.</p> - -<p>Towards evening a hotel waiter entered his room and announced that a -lady in a carriage was waiting below to see him. At first he thought of -declining to go down, but she might come to his room, and then the bond -would be made fast. Accordingly he went down, entered the carriage, -and without reflection or saying anything they gave each other a kiss, -which seemed perfectly natural. There ensued a stormy conversation -which was extremely like a quarrel. She asked that he should accompany -her that very night on her journey, but he gave a decided refusal. If -they were seen together, to-morrow the "elopement" would be in all the -newspapers. That he could not bring his conscience to agree to, both on -account of her parents and his own children. He also told her that he -was dependent on other people's help, and that as soon as he was known -as an adventurer all these resources would dry up.</p> - -<p>"Then you don't love me!"</p> - -<p>"What nonsense you talk, child."</p> - -<p>He had to laugh at her. They got out of the cab and continued their -contest in a little green lane which led down to the shore.</p> - -<p>Now and then he put his arm round her neck and silenced her mouth with -a kiss.</p> - -<p>"I have seen that you are cracked, but I myself am half-mad, you see, -and you won't get the better of me."</p> - -<p>"I will jump into the sea!" she shrieked.</p> - -<p>"Very well! I will follow, and can swim."</p> - -<p>At last he got her to laugh. Then they entered a café in order to -arrive at a final decision. Now he had the upper hand and treated her -like a naughty girl, and curiously enough, as soon as he had assigned -this rôle to her, she took it up and maintained it.</p> - -<p>Did these two love each other now? Yes, certainly, for he knew how tied -he was, and she had already, as appeared later on, confessed her love -in a letter to her mother, adding that he was to know nothing of it, -for then she would immediately be brought under the yoke of subjection.</p> - -<p>The final decision they arrived at was that she should travel alone, -and they made no promises to each other. They were to correspond -and see whether they would be able to meet in the summer; when his -position was more secure they would think of betrothal and marriage.</p> - -<p>They parted, and did not see each other again for a long time.</p> - -<p>He went immediately afterwards to look up his old friends in the café. -There in his own circle he wished to find himself again, for during -this month's exclusive living with a woman, he had become loosed from -his own environment, lost his foothold, and built up a common life -on the shaky foundation of the temperament of a young girl, whom his -passion had transformed into a mature woman. Her last outbreak of anger -had revealed a fury who believed that she could compel him to blind -obedience. During this her face had exhibited all possible changes from -the broad grin of Punch to the hissing of the cat which shows its white -claws. He breathed more lightly, experienced a sensation of relief, and -entered the café feeling as though he had left something oppressive -behind him, something happily over and done with!</p> - -<p>The Swede sat there, and probably the gossip regarding the Norwegian's -engagement had caused him to bring his lady friend with him. She was -a tall fragile-looking Swede who seemed to be emaciated by illness; -she had a mournful, despairing sort of voice, a drawling accent and -drooping eyes. As an artist, although obscure she was "emancipated" as -the phrase is, but not free from the feminine vanity of being able to -appear with a number of male hangers-on, whom she boasted of having -made conquests of. Her thoughts had long turned upon the Norwegian. -When they met, she found him novel and full of surprises. At the same -time he brought with him the fire of his newly kindled flame. Within -half an hour she had neither eyes nor ears for her old friend. When at -last she snapped at him, he stood up and asked her to come with him. -"You can go," she answered. And he went.</p> - -<p>In less than an hour she had broken with her friend of many years and -formed a tie with the Norwegian who an hour and a half before had -kissed his fiancée at parting. He asked himself how that was possible, -but took no time to reflect on it. She possessed the advantage of -being able to understand him completely; he was able to speak out his -thoughts after a long imprisonment; he needed only to give a hint -in order to be understood. She drank in the eloquence of his words, -seemed to follow the sudden leaps of his thought, and probably received -answers to many questions which had long occupied her mind. But she -was ugly and ill-dressed, and he sometimes felt ashamed at the thought -that he might be suspected of being her admirer. Then he felt an -unspeakable sympathy with her which she interpreted to mean that she -had made a conquest of him.</p> - -<p>They went out into the town and wandered from café to café, continually -talking. Sometimes his conscience pricked him, sometimes he felt -a repulsion to her, because she had been faithless to her friend. -Faithlessness indeed was the link which united them, and they felt -as if Destiny had driven them to commit the same wrong on the same -evening. She had at once inquired about his engagement and he had at -first given an evasive answer; but as she had continued to ask with -comrade-like sympathy he had told her the whole story. But in doing -so he spoke of his love, he became enthusiastic; she warmed herself -at the glow and seemed to be a reflection of "the other." So the two -images coincided, and the absent maiden, who should have been a barrier -between them, was the one who brought them near each other.</p> - -<p>The next day they met again, and she never seemed tired of discussing -his engagement. She was in a critical mood and began to express -doubts whether he would be happy. But she went carefully to work, -showed indulgence, and only attempted purely objective psychological -analysis. She also understood how to withdraw a severe expression at -the right time in order not to frighten him away.</p> - -<p>Now as ill-luck would have it, he received at noon a letter from his -fiancée which was the answer to the stormy one he had written when they -parted. In her letter she only wrote of business matters, gave good -advice in a superior tone, in a word was pedantic and narrow-minded. -Not a trace of the pretty young girl was to be found in the letter. -This put him out of humour and aroused his disgust to such a degree -that when he met his new friend, with a ruthless joy in destruction he -proceeded to analyse his fiancée under the microscope. The Swede was -not backward with her feminine knowledge of feminine secrets to put the -worst interpretation on all the details which he narrated. He had cast -his lamb to the she-wolf, who tore the prey asunder while he looked on.</p> - -<p>At the beginning of April, that is three weeks later, the Norwegian -sat in the café one afternoon with Lais, as she was called, after she -had become the friend of the company in general, not of anyone in -particular. He sat there with a resigned air, "prepared for everything" -as usual. It had been difficult to keep his engagement alive by means -of the post, and it had become still more uncertain after the news had -reached her father's ears and brought him to despair. He was a Minister -of State, lived at Odense, went to Court when he was in the capital, -and wore twelve orders. He would rather shoot himself than be the -father-in-law of a notorious nihilist. In order to put an end to the -affair the old man had dictated his conditions, which were of course -impossible.</p> - -<p>The Norwegian must pay all his debts and give a guarantee that he -would have a regular and sufficient income. Since a writer of plays -has nothing guaranteed, but is dependent on popular favour, the wooer -considered his proposal withdrawn, and regarded himself as unfettered, -and indeed he was so. Moreover, thus humiliating correspondence about -pecuniary matters had cooled his devotion, for love letters which were -full of figures and motherly advice, practical items of information -about publishers and so on, were not inspiring to read for a literary -free-lance. And as the correspondence slackened, and finally ceased, he -considered himself entirely free.</p> - -<p>With her usual vanity, Lais had ascribed to herself the honour of -having dissolved his engagement, although there was no reason for her -doing so. Moreover, in the last few days a circumstance had happened -which was fortunate for his future. Another friend of Lais had -arrived from the north, and as he was one of her admirers she had such -assiduous court paid to her that she did not notice how the Norwegian -was slackening in his attentions.</p> - -<p>In order to celebrate the arrival of the newcomer, the last few -days had been a continual feast, and now they were in that strange -condition, when the soul is, so to speak, loosed from its bearings and -utters its thoughts without distinction and without regard.</p> - -<p>Lais was possessed by the not unusual idea that she was irresistible, -and liked to produce the impression that all her male friends, even -those who had dropped her, were dismissed admirers. Now she wished -to show her newly arrived friend how well she was provided with them -and began to skirmish with the Norwegian. Since he had long cherished -towards her the hate which is born of imprudently bestowed confidences, -he seized the opportunity to bring about the breach without scandal, -in a word to dispose of her without disgrace to either of them. Under -some pretext, or perhaps with a foreboding that something was about to -happen, he took his leave and left the other two together. But Lais -pressed him to remain, probably to gain an opportunity of leaving him -alone, when she went out with her friend. Here, however, she had made -a miscalculation. Making a gesture of invitation to the new-comer, the -Norwegian went out after saying the last word: "Now I leave you alone!"</p> - -<p>When he came out on the street, he had a certain uneasy suspicion -that he had left something unfinished behind him, and had something -unexpected before him. He thought he heard the hissing voice of the -woman he had left. She never opened her lips, which were sharply -defined, like those of a snake, when she spoke, but brought the words -straight out of her throat, which was always hoarse through her sitting -up at night drinking and smoking. Such a voice in women he called a -"porter voice" because it always reminded him of that black drink and -its concomitants.</p> - -<p>Such is friendship with women—either it ends in love or in hatred just -like love!</p> - -<p>When he came to his hotel, the waiter handed him a local telegram. -"That is what brought me home," he said to himself. His experiences had -made him believe in telepathy to such a degree that he was in the habit -of saying when in company and there was talk of sending for some absent -person: "Shall we telepath to him?"</p> - -<p>Before he opened the telegram he believed he knew the contents, and -when he had read, he felt as though he had done so before, and was not -surprised. The telegram ran thus: "I am here; look me up at Doctor -----'s. Important news."</p> - -<p>He stood still for two minutes in order to form a resolution. When the -waiter came he asked him to telephone to the friendly doctor, who had -a private hospital of his own and enjoyed a very good reputation. The -doctor came at once and explained the situation: "Are you thinking of -drawing back?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"No, but I must collect myself, and sleep for twelve hours, for my -nerves are out of control. I will send a telegram to say that I am -not well. She will not believe that, but will come herself; I beg you -therefore to wait for half an hour."</p> - -<p>The telegram went off, and in half an hour steps were heard along the -corridor. She entered, dressed in black and at first full of suspicion. -But to be able to consult with the doctor gave her an advantage which -pleased her. She said she would come next morning together, with the -doctor, and then she went, after secretly imprinting a kiss on the -patient's hand.</p> - -<p>"You must not play with your feelings," said the doctor who remained -behind. "This woman loves you and you love her. That is as plain as a -pikestaff."</p> - -<p>The Norwegian lay alone all the evening and sought to find some guiding -thread through all this chaos, but in vain. What a tangled thicket -was the human soul! How could one bring it into order? It passed from -hate to contempt over esteem and reverence and then back again with -one bound sideways and two forwards. Good and evil, sublime and mean, -uniting treachery with deathless love, kisses and blows, insulting -reproaches and boundless admiration. Since he knew the human soul he -had adopted it as one of his fundamental principles never to balance -accounts, never to go backwards, but always forwards. When in the -beginning of their acquaintance she had wished to refer to something -which he had said on a previous occasion he interrupted her: "Never -look back! Only go forwards! One talks a lot of nonsense on the spur of -the moment. I have no views but only speak impromptu, and life would be -very monotonous if one thought and said the same things every day. It -should be something new! Life is only a poem, and it is much jollier -to float over the marsh than to stick one's feet in it and to feel for -firm ground which is not there."</p> - -<p>This must have suited her own ideas of life, for she was immediately -ready to adopt this rôle. Therefore they found each other always novel, -and always full of surprises. They could not take each other too -seriously, and often when one of them attacked his or her own discarded -views with the other's opinions of the day before, they were obliged to -laugh at their own foolishness. Thus they were never clear about each -other, and in really serious moments they would exclaim simultaneously: -"Who are you? What are you really?" and neither of them could answer.</p> - -<p>As he was on the point of falling asleep, he thought, "I shall make no -resolve, for I have never seen a resolve lead to anything. The course -of events may guide my destiny as it has done hitherto."</p> - -<p>The next morning she came without waiting for the doctor. She had put -on a wise air, as if she understood the illness thoroughly but did not -wish to descend to trifles. She took a rod out of a basket she had -brought with her.</p> - -<p>"What is that?"</p> - -<p>"That is 'the Easter rod'; to-day is Good Friday." She set up the rod -at his feet, and adorned the edge of the bed with willow-branches in -bloom. Like a little housewife she bustled about the room, surveying -and putting it in order. Finally she sat down in an easy chair.</p> - -<p>"Well! What is the great news?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"We must enter on an engagement, for the papers have announced it."</p> - -<p>"Have they, indeed? What about the old man?"</p> - -<p>"Father has resigned himself, because the matter cannot be altered; but -he is not happy. Now won't you congratulate me?"</p> - -<p>"You should congratulate me first, for I am the elder."</p> - -<p>"And the less intelligent."</p> - -<p>"I have the honour to congratulate you. And what a man you have got!"</p> - -<p>So they chatted, and soon came to the subject of their prospects. He -dictated and she wrote. Such and such plays of his accepted for the -stage.... That would be a thousand pounds.</p> - -<p>"Discount thirty per cent for disappointments," she said.</p> - -<p>"Thirty! I also reckon ninety or a hundred per cent."</p> - -<p>"Be sober! It is serious." And then they laughed.</p> - -<p>Divine frivolity! To look down on the ugly earnestness of life as if -all one had to do was to blow at it. The poet's light-hearted way of -treating economy like poetry.</p> - -<p>"How could one bear the miseries of life, if one did not treat them as -unrealities? If I took it seriously, I should have to weep the whole -day, and I don't want to do that."</p> - -<p>Dinner-time came; she laid the sofa-table, fed him, and was especially -sparing with the wine.</p> - -<p>"You have drunk enough now, and you must promise never to go to the -café again, especially with Thais."</p> - -<p>"Lais," he corrected her, but coloured. "You know that then?"</p> - -<p>"A woman of twenty-three knows everything."</p> - -<p>Glad to avoid a troublesome confession, he promised never to visit -the café again and kept his word, for that was the only penance he -could offer for his sorry behaviour. Thus they were engaged. His only -social intercourse consisted in her company, while she continued to -go to families which she knew, to visit theatres, and so on, for this -belonged to her work as a newspaper correspondent. In case of an -eventual struggle for power, she had all the advantages on her side, as -she moved in an environment from which she derived moral support and -fresh impulses, while he was thrown back on himself and his previous -observations. They lived really like playfellows, for he never read -what she wrote in the newspapers, while she had read all his writings -but never referred to them. There was no consciousness shown on either -side that he was a mature and well-known author and she a young critic -of books and plays. They met simply as man and woman, and as her future -husband he had placed himself on the same level with her, not above her.</p> - -<p>Sometimes while they were together, he felt a prisoner, isolated and -in her power. If he were to break with her now he would stand alone -in the world, for he had got quite out of touch with his old friends -and come to dislike the life of the café. Moreover, he felt so grown -together with this woman, that he thought he would pine away if parted -from her. In spite of her love she could not hide the fact that she -thought she had him absolutely in her power, and sometimes she let him -feel it. But then he raged like a lion in a cage, went out and sought -his old friends, though he noticed he did not thrive among them and his -conscience pricked him for his faithlessness. She sulked for half a -day, then crept up to him, fell on her knees and was pardoned.</p> - -<p>"At bottom," he said once, "we hate each other because we love each -other. We fear to lose our individualities through the assimilating -force of love, and therefore we must sometimes have a breach in order -to feel that I am not you, and you are not I."</p> - -<p>She agreed, but it was no remedy against the spirit of revolt, the -struggle of the ego for self-justification. She loved him as a woman -loves a man, for she thought him handsome, although he was ugly. He, -for his part, demanded neither respect nor admiration but only a -measure of trust, and a friendly demeanour. She was generally sparkling -and cheerful, playful, without being teasing, yielding and gracious.</p> - -<p>Once when he reflected over the various types of woman he had observed -in her during the beginning of their acquaintance, he could scarcely -understand how she had been able to play so many different parts. -The literary independent lady with Madame de Staël's open mouth and -loquacious tongue had entirely disappeared; the grand, pretentious -woman of the world and the <i>fin-de-siècle</i> lady with morbid paradoxes -were also both obliterated. She saw how unpretentious he was and she -became like him.</p> - -<p>April came and it was high spring-time. At the same time his prospects -had brightened; some of his plays had been accepted; a novel sold for a -considerable sum; and one of his dramas was acted in Paris. An untrue -report was spread that the engaged pair had gone off together. Her -parents in Odense were disturbed and urged on the marriage.</p> - -<p>"Will you marry now?" she asked.</p> - -<p>"Certainly I will," was his reply.</p> - -<p>So the matter was settled! But then came difficulties. She was a -Catholic and could not marry a divorced man as long as his first wife -lived. In order to circumvent this difficulty he devised the plan of -being married in England. And so it was settled. Her sister came as -a witness to the ceremony. She was married to a famous artist, was -herself an authoress, and therefore understood how to value talent, -even when unaccompanied with earthly goods.</p> - -<p>Thus they began their wedding journey.</p> - - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>III</h4> - - -<p>It was a May morning on an island off the English coast. He had gone -with her to the extreme end of a promontory where the cliff descends -sheer into the sea. He wished to ask her something privately but did -not dare to; therefore they stood there silently staring into the blue -emptiness, seeking an object where there was none.</p> - -<p>They had stayed there six days without being able to marry because -through carelessness the notice of his divorce had not been published -till some months after he had obtained a decree. Accordingly it bore -so late a date that the time allowed for challenging it had not yet -elapsed. He had exchanged telegrams with the authorities; confusion and -misunderstanding caused further delay, and his fiancée's sister became -impatient.</p> - -<p>"Do you trust me?" he asked her.</p> - -<p>"Yes, I believe in your honesty, but you are an unlucky creature."</p> - -<p>"And your sister?"</p> - -<p>"What is she to believe? She does not know you. She only knows that -your assurances that the documents were valid, were incorrect."</p> - -<p>"She is right, but it is not my fault. What does she mean to do?"</p> - -<p>"She returns to-morrow, and I must go with her."</p> - -<p>"So then we shall be parted before we are married, and I return to life -in hotels, restaurants, and night cafés."</p> - -<p>"No, not that," and after a pause she added: "Let us jump into the -sea."</p> - -<p>He put his arm round her: "Have you ever seen a destiny like mine? -Wherever I go, I bring unhappiness and destruction with me. Think! Your -parents!"</p> - -<p>"Don't talk so! With patience we shall also get out of this."</p> - -<p>"Yes, in order to fall into something else."</p> - -<p>"Come! shall I blow at it?" And she blew the cloud away. There was an -outbreak of divine frivolity again and they raced home through the -fortifications and over the mines.</p> - -<p>In the evening the decisive telegram came, and the wedding was fixed -for the next day. It took place at first at the registry office. While -the oaths were being taken the bride fell into hysterical laughter -which nearly rendered the whole ceremony abortive, since the registrar -did not know what to make of a scene which resembled one in a lunatic -asylum.</p> - -<p>It was not a brilliant wedding-party which assembled in the evening -in the clergyman's house. Besides the bride's sister, four strangers -—pilots—were present as witnesses when they plighted their troth -"before God."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Fourteen days of May had passed. Both were sitting outside the -comfortable little house and watching how the migratory birds rested in -the garden before continuing their journey north-ward.</p> - -<p>"So quiet?"</p> - -<p>"How long?"</p> - -<p>"Eight days more. But I had not thought that marriage was such a -splendid arrangement."</p> - -<p>"Although they call me a woman-hater," he said, "I have always loved -woman, and although they call me a friend of immorality, I have always -held by marriage."</p> - -<p>"Can you imagine yourself leading a lonely life after this?"</p> - -<p>"No, the thought chokes me."</p> - -<p>"Do you know I am so happy that I am afraid?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, so am I. I feel as if someone were lying and spying on us. She is -called Nemesis, and follows not only guilty but also happy men."</p> - -<p>"What are you most afraid of?"</p> - -<p>"That we should part."</p> - -<p>"But that depends on us, I suppose."</p> - -<p>"Would that it did! But discord comes from without with the wind, -with the dew, with too long-continued sunshine, with the rain. Try to -explain which of us two was to blame for our last quarrel."</p> - -<p>"Neither!"</p> - -<p>"Neither of us two, then it was a third. Who is this third? In order -to give it a name people call it 'misunderstanding'; but both of our -understandings were completely clear, not disturbed at all."</p> - -<p>"Don't frighten me."</p> - -<p>"No, but be sure that the same event will happen again and that we -shall blame each other as on the last occasion."</p> - -<p>"Shall we not go and write now?" she broke in.</p> - -<p>"I cannot write."</p> - -<p>"Nor can I; my editor is angry because he has had no article from me -for two months."</p> - -<p>"And I have not had a single new idea for a whole year. What will be -the end of it?"</p> - -<p>The fact was that they had neutralised each other, so that there was no -more reaction on either side. Their life together now consisted of a -comfortable silence. The need to be near each other was so great that -one could not leave the room without the other following. They tried to -shut themselves in their rooms in order to work, but after a short time -one would knock at the other's door.</p> - -<p>"Do you know, all this is very fine, but I am becoming an idiot?" she -complained.</p> - -<p>"You also?"</p> - -<p>"I can neither read, think, nor write any more, and can hardly speak."</p> - -<p>"It is too much happiness, and we must seek some society, or we shall -both become silly."</p> - -<p>The fact was that they had both ceased to converse; they were -apparently so harmonious in all questions and predilections and -knew each other's opinions so well that there was no further need -to exchange thoughts. The same tastes, the same habits, the same -naughtinesses, the same superficial scepticism had brought them -together, and now they were welded into one like two pieces of the same -metal. Each had lost individuality and they were one. But the memory -of independence and one's own personality was still present, and a war -of liberation was impending. The sense of personal self-preservation -awoke, and when each wished to resume their own share, there was a -strife about the pieces.</p> - -<p>"Why don't you write?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"I have tried, but it is always you and about you."</p> - -<p>"Whether it is I, or someone else, it all comes to the same thing."</p> - -<p>"You mean I have no self?"</p> - -<p>"You are too young to have a self."</p> - -<p>He had better have left that unsaid, for by saying it, he woke her.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>One morning there came a paper containing a notice to the effect that a -volume of his poems had appeared with a London publisher.</p> - -<p>"Shall we go to London?" she suggested.</p> - -<p>"Yes, gladly, though I don't believe these notices which I have read -so often. Anyhow, as a business journey, it can be made to pay its own -expenses."</p> - -<p>The resolve was carried out. They saw the little island<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> disappear -with the same joy with which they had before seen it rise out of the -mist.</p> - -<p>In Dover they had to stay one day at an hotel. As he returned from a -walk, he found his wife sealing up six packets, all of the same shape -and size.</p> - -<p>"What are you doing?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"It is the account of your American journey, which I am sending to some -papers I know in Denmark."</p> - -<p>"But you should not cut it up into sections; you know that it forms a -complete whole. Have you read it?"</p> - -<p>"No, I have only glanced through it; but at any rate it will bring in -some money."</p> - -<p>"No, it will not; for no one will print it piecemeal. Only in a single -volume would it have any value."</p> - -<p>She paid no attention. "Come now," she said commandingly; "we will go -to the post."</p> - -<p>She meant well, but was foolish; and although experience had taught him -what a dangerous adviser she was, he let her have her way, and followed.</p> - -<p>On the stairs, he noticed that she limped, for she had bought too tight -boots with high heels, such as were then only worn by cocottes.</p> - -<p>When they reached the street, she hurried on to the post, and he -followed. As he noticed how the symmetry of her little figure was -impaired by the many packages which she insisted on carrying, and how -she limped on the boot heel which she had trodden down, he was seized -with a sort of repulsion.</p> - -<p>It was the first time that he viewed her from behind, and he thought -involuntarily of the wood-nymph of legend, who in front was a charming -fairy, but behind quite hollow.</p> - -<p>The next moment he felt a remorseful horror at himself and his -thoughts. In this cruel heat the little woman was carrying the heavy -load, and had already written six long letters to editors all for his -sake. And she limped! But her brutal way of treating his work and -cutting a manuscript to pieces without having read it; treating a -literary work as a butcher does a carcass!...</p> - -<p>Again he felt repulsion, and again remorse, mixed with that -indescribable pain which a man feels when he sees his beloved ugly, -badly dressed, pitiful, or ridiculous. People in the street looked -after her, especially when the wind blew out her thin serge mantle, -which resembled a morning coat; it swelled out like a balloon and -spoilt her fine figure. He hurried forward to take the packets from -her; but she only waved him off, and hastened on, cheerful and -undismayed.</p> - -<p>When she came out of the post office, she wanted to go and buy larger -boots. He followed. Since the purchase of them would occupy half an -hour, she told him to wait outside. When at last she came out, she -walked quite comfortably for a time, but then discovered that the new -boots also were too tight.</p> - -<p>"What do you think of a shoemaker like that?" she said.</p> - -<p>"But <i>he</i> did not make the boots too tight for you! There were larger -ones also."</p> - -<p>That was a dangerous commencement of the conversation, and as they -sat down at a table in a café, the silence was uncomfortable. They -sat opposite each other and had to look one another in the eyes; they -sought to avoid doing so, but could not, and when they were obliged to -look at each other, they turned away.</p> - -<p>"You would like now to be in Copenhagen with your friends," she said. -It was a good guess. But even if he could have transported himself -thither for a second, he would have wished himself back again at once.</p> - -<p>Her nervousness increased, and her eyes began to sparkle, but since she -was intelligent, she understood that neither of them was to blame.</p> - -<p>"Go for a walk," she said; "we must be away from each other for a -while, and then you will see it will be better."</p> - -<p>He quite agreed with her, and they parted without any bitterness.</p> - -<p>As he walked along by the side of the harbour, he felt his nerves -become settled and quiet. He became once more conscious of himself as -a separate and independent being; he no longer gave out emanations but -concentrated himself; he was once more an individual in his own skin. -How well he knew these symptoms, which signified nothing, but which -in spite of all attempts to explain them, persisted as a constant -phenomenon.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile, since he felt a positive satisfaction in her absence, the -thought stole into his mind that perpetual freedom from her would -be attended by yet greater satisfaction, and as he approached the -steam-boat pier the thought passed through his mind like a flash of -lightning: "If I go off now, I shall be in Copenhagen in two days."</p> - -<p>He sat down, ordered a glass of beer, lighted a cigar, and considered.</p> - -<p>"If I go to London," he thought, "she will get the upper hand, because -she can speak the language. I shall be led about by her like a deaf -and dumb man and shall have to sit like an idiot among my literary -friends whom she will get under her thumb. A pleasant prospect! Being -patronised by her in the Danish newspapers was already sufficiently -humiliating. I incurred an obligation to her...."</p> - -<p>But in the midst of his meditations he broke off, for he knew that no -character could stand such close and critical analysis. He knew also -that no one could endure being gazed at from behind and judged in -absence. Then a feeling of loneliness came over him and a consciousness -of being faithless and ungrateful. He was drawn back to her, stood up -and went quickly to the hotel. When he entered in an elevated mood -and not without sentimental feelings he was greeted by a laugh, -long-lasting and cheerful like the song of the grasshoppers. Dressed in -silk she lay there, coiled up like an Angora cat, eating sweetmeats, -and smelling of perfume.</p> - -<p>Then they laughed both together, as though they had seen something -comic in the street, which had nothing to do with them.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Now they were in Pimlico, between Westminster and Chelsea. They had -paid one visit and that was all. Everyone was away, all the theatres -were shut, and a perfectly tropical heat prevailed. One's soul felt -as if it would gladly shake off its fleshly husk in order to seek for -coolness up in the air. From morning to evening one felt only half -alive.</p> - -<p>The pressure of need had forced him unwillingly to set to work and -write. But as he had already utilised most of his experiences, he was -obliged to make use of some material which should, properly speaking, -not have been employed. However, he did violence to himself, overcame -his scruples, and began.</p> - -<p>"Now I am writing," he told her triumphantly, "we are saved!"</p> - -<p>His wife came and saw how he had filled the first sheet with letters. -After an hour she came again. He was lying on the sofa lamenting: "I -can do nothing! Let us then perish!"</p> - -<p>She left the room without saying a word, and when she had shut the -door, he bolted it. Then he took out of his portmanteau a green linen -bag containing a quantity of sheets of paper covered with dates. -These had been often spoken of by his friends and nicknamed the "Last -Judgment." It was an historical work, in which, from a new and bold -point of view, he treated the history of the world as a branch of -natural science. He had planned it carefully, but perhaps it was -destined never to be printed and would certainly never bring in any -money.</p> - -<p>After working for some time, he felt the usual restlessness which he -experienced in the absence of his second self, and went down to seek -her.</p> - -<p>She sat reading a book which she made a lame attempt to hide, as he -entered. By her strange manner he saw that some fateful element had -entered into their common life.</p> - -<p>"What are you reading?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Your last book," she answered in a peculiar tone.</p> - -<p>"It has appeared then! Don't read it; you will poison yourself."</p> - -<p>It was a ruthless description of his first marriage, written in -self-defence and as a last testament, for he had intended, after -completing it, to take his life. For years the manuscript had remained -sealed up in the care of a relative, and he had never intended to print -it. But in the last spring and under the pressure of necessity, after -he had been assailed most unjustly by gossips and in the newspapers, he -had sold the book to a publisher.</p> - -<p>And now it had appeared and fallen into the hands of the very last -person who should have seen it. His first impulse was to snatch the -book from her, but he was restrained by the thought: "It has happened; -well, let it happen!" And with perfect calm, as though he had assisted -at his own inevitable execution, he left the room. At lunch, he noticed -the strange transformation which had taken place in his wife. Her face -wore a new expression; her looks searched his whole person, as though -she were comparing him with the man described in the book. He took for -granted that his sufferings there described would not arouse her pity, -for a woman always takes sides with her own sex. But what he could -not understand was that she seemed to recognise herself in certain -of her predecessor's characteristics. Perhaps her mind was occupied -by some still unsolved problems in the question which married people -instinctively avoid—the woman question. Certain it was, however, that -she had learnt what her husband's views were on the subject of her sex, -and they were so cynically expressed that they must give her mortal -offence.</p> - -<p>She did not say a word, but he saw in her face that now all chance -of peace was gone and that this woman would never rest till she had -destroyed his marriage and compelled him to shorten his life. Against -this he could only oppose his motto: "Be ready for everything," and -resolve to bear everything as long as possible, and finally when -nothing else remained, to go his own way. Then she would devour herself -in solitude for want of food for her hate.</p> - -<p>The next day she had hatched her egg, which proved to contain a -basilisk.</p> - -<p>With an air which would fain have seemed innocent, but did not, she -told him, that since he could not work, they must think of retrenching.</p> - -<p>"Very well," he answered.</p> - -<p>First of all they had to content themselves with one room. This meant -that all possibility of being his own master, of withdrawing himself, -and of collecting himself was precluded. For the future he would be -confined with his tormentress in the same cage, have no more power -over his own thoughts and inclinations, and above all, not be' able to -work at the "Last Judgment."</p> - -<p>"You know you cannot work!" she remarked.</p> - -<p>When midday came, a plate with some cold bacon and bread was set before -him.</p> - -<p>"You don't like soup," she said; "and hot food isn't nice in this heat."</p> - -<p>Then she sat down to watch him.</p> - -<p>"Won't you eat?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"No, I am not hungry," she answered, and continued to watch him.</p> - -<p>Then he stood up, took his hat, and prepared to go out.</p> - -<p>"Are you going out?" she asked; "then I will go too, and we will keep -each other company."</p> - -<p>He went forward with long strides and she followed him. In order to vex -her he chose the sunny side of the street by a long white wall, where -the heat was intense, and the reflected light blinded the eyes. Then he -dragged her out to Chelsea, where there was no house that could give -shade.</p> - -<p>She followed like an evil spirit.</p> - -<p>When they came to the river, he thought for a moment of pushing her -into the water, but did not. He went along the bank where lime-ships -unloaded, steam-cranes puffed out coal-smoke, and chains hindered their -walking. He hoped that she would fall and hurt herself, or be pushed -down by a workman, and wished that a coal-heaver would embrace and kiss -her—so boundless was his hate and hers.</p> - -<p>It was in vain that he mounted over barrels and wheel-barrows and -threaded his way through heaps of lime. He thought of jumping into the -river and swimming to the other side, but was withheld by the thought -that she perhaps could swim also.</p> - -<p>At last he made a wide circuit like an ox persecuted by a gadfly, -and went down to Westminster. There the back streets swarmed with -the strangest figures, like shapes seen in a nightmare. He entered -the abbey, as if to shake off a pest, but she followed, silent and -unweariable.</p> - -<p>Finally he had to return home, and when he got there, he sat down on -one chair, and she seated herself opposite him.</p> - -<p>Then he understood how a man can become a murderer, and determined to -fly, as soon as he had written for money.</p> - -<p>The night came, and he hoped now to be able to collect his thoughts, -and be master of himself.</p> - -<p>She pretended to be asleep, but he could tell by her breathing that -she did not really sleep.</p> - -<p>"Are you awake?" she asked.</p> - -<p>He was still unwise enough to answer "Yes." Now they lay there watching -which should first go to sleep. At last he did so.</p> - -<p>In the middle of the night he awoke, listened, and heard by her -breathing that she was asleep.</p> - -<p>Then his soul stretched itself, wrapped itself up in the darkness, -and enjoyed being able to think without being watched by those cold, -threatening eyes.</p> - -<p>She had not, however, really gone to sleep, but in the darkness he -heard her voice as before: "Are you asleep?"</p> - -<p>He felt the vampire which had fastened on to his soul and kept watch -even over his thoughts. Why did she spy on him except that she feared -the silent workings of his mind? She felt perhaps how he lay there, and -worked himself gradually out of the meshes of her net. He only needed -a few hours' quiet, but that he was not to have. So she denied herself -sleep in order to torment him. She would not allow herself the pleasure -of going to the city, or of visiting the libraries and museums, because -she did not wish to leave him alone. The next day he asked her whether -she wished to continue to translate his worlds, or whether he should -have recourse again to his old translators.'</p> - -<p>"Shall I translate <i>you</i>?" she said contemptuously. "There are better -writers to be done."</p> - -<p>"Why will you not rather translate me than your rubbishy authors?"</p> - -<p>"Take care!" she hissed. "You over-value yourself and a terrible -awakening awaits you from the dream of your imagined greatness." She -said that in a tone as if she were supported by the public opinion -of all Europe. That made a certain impression on him, for an author, -even when recognised, often seems nothing to himself but is entirely -dependent on the opinion others cherish regarding his talents. Now -he felt the bond between them snap. She hated and despised his work, -which was his only means of support, and when she sought to rob him of -courage and confidence, she was the enemy. And in dealing with an enemy -there are only two methods—either to kill him, or not to fight him but -to fly. He determined on the latter.</p> - -<p>He had still to wait a few days till the money came, and these days -were enough to develop his aversion. He had opportunities of witnessing -more cold, calculating malice, mischievous joy at successful thrusts, -all the feminine small-mindedness, meanness, and duplicity, but on a -larger scale. Since she knew that he could not get away for want of -money, she gave him to understand that he was her prisoner; but he was -not, however.</p> - -<p>The room looked like a pigsty, and the meals were so prepared as to be -purposely repulsive. Dirt and disorder prevailed to such a degree that -he felt himself in hell. With longing he thought of his lonely attic -which had always been tidy, however careless he had been about expenses.</p> - -<p>Two months had passed since their marriage. All smiles and even -conversation had ceased; love was changed into unreasoning hate, and he -began to find her ugly.</p> - -<p>On the last day before his departure, he felt obliged to speak out -in order not to explode. "You were beautiful as long as I loved you; -perhaps my love made you so, not only in my opinion. Now I find you the -ugliest and meanest character which I have met in my life."</p> - -<p>She answered: "I know that I have never been so malicious towards -anyone as towards you, without being able to give any reasons for it."</p> - -<p>"I can, though," he said. "You hate me because I am a man, and your -husband."</p> - -<p>He had packed his portmanteau and she was prepared for his departure. -When now the time of separation approached and she believed it would -be for ever, her hatred vanished, and behold! love was there again!</p> - -<p>Her tenderness and care for him knew no bounds. They spoke of the -future as though they would soon meet again. She gave him good advice -in a motherly way, but resignedly, as if in face of an unalterable -destiny which demanded their temporary separation. As they drove to -the station in an open carriage, she kissed him repeatedly in broad -daylight in the main streets. The passers-by laughed, but when the -police began to look attentively at the caressing pair, he felt the -need of caution.</p> - -<p>"Take care," he said, "in this country we might be imprisoned for -making love openly."</p> - -<p>"What do I care for that?" she answered. "I love you so much."</p> - -<p>He thought her again sublime in her all-defying tenderness, and they -planned to meet again in a week. His intention was to go to his -colleague Ilmarinen in the Island of Rügen. The latter would help him -to order his affairs; then he would rent a house and they would meet -again in a fortnight at latest.</p> - -<p>"You see now, one cannot trust in the permanence of this hatred."</p> - -<p>"No, one must trust love."</p> - -<p>"It looks as if that had conquered."</p> - -<p>Their parting at the station was heart-rending, and, as he sat alone in -the railway carriage, he felt the pain of longing for her. He did not -find the sense of freedom and happiness of which he had dreamt. All the -recollections of her malice seemed to have been obliterated.</p> - - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Heligoland.</p></div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>IV</h4> - - -<p>He went from London to Hamburg in the hope of finding acquaintances on -his arrival who would help him on to Rügen. But he found the place as -though under a spell of enchantment; everyone had gone to the country -or somewhere else. He had to take a room in an hotel and telegraph -first to Ilmarinen in Rügen, but the latter answered that he had no -money. Then he telegraphed to Copenhagen and Christiania and received -similar answers.</p> - -<p>He felt now as though he had been enticed into a trap and overpowered. -Since there had been an outbreak of cholera the previous year in -Hamburg, they expected another when the heat returned, and that was -the case just now. Therefore, if he did not get away soon, he had to -expect, not death, to which he felt indifferent, but the quarantine.</p> - -<p>The days passed slowly with terrible monotony, for he had no one to -talk to, and with the threatened cholera outbreak hanging over his -head. Helpless and in a perpetual rage against some invisible foe who -seemed to have a grudge against him, he felt paralysed. He dared not -move a finger in order to alter his destiny, for he feared failure and -renewed disappointment of his hopes.</p> - -<p>In order to pass the time he studied historical tables and wrote dates -from morning to evening. But the days were still terribly long, and -after four days he conceived a fixed idea that he would never get away -from this infernal town where nothing but buying and selling went on. -This impression became so strong that he determined to end his life in -his uncanny bedroom. He unpacked his things and put out the photographs -of his children and other relatives on the writing-table.</p> - -<p>Loneliness and torment made the time seem double its real length. He -began to be under the illusion that he was a native of Hamburg; he -forgot for a while his past and the fact that he was married or had -lived anywhere else than here. He regarded himself as a prisoner with -the weird feeling that he did not know what crime he had committed, -who had condemned him, or who was his jailer. But the black spectre of -cholera haunted invisibly the dirty water of the canals and watched for -him. Three times a day he asked the waiter about the cholera and always -received the same answer: "They are not sure yet."</p> - -<p>Then at last came a letter from his wife. She cried aloud from longing, -fear, and unrest, and wished to know where he was. He answered in the -same tone and felt wild with rage at the destiny which separated them.</p> - -<p>On the morning of the fifth day he discovered in a newspaper that his -Danish friend lived only half an hour's journey by rail from Hamburg.</p> - -<p>If he had known that before, he would not have been obliged to undergo -all these sufferings. Now, since he could not pay the hotel bill, he -resolved to depart at once and not to return. His friend would give him -money which he would send to the hotel, and he would have his things -sent after him. He took his seat in the railway carriage with the -feelings of a liberated prisoner, cast a pitying look on Hamburg and -forgave the injuries it had done him, but vowed never to honour it with -another visit, unless compelled.</p> - -<p>His half-hour's journey put him in a good humour, and his mouth -watered at the prospect of being able to give expression to all his -vexation and perhaps to make light of his martyrdom, and give it a -comic aspect. His divine frivolity returned, and he thought that -he must be after all a lucky fellow to find one of his friends so -unexpectedly. He stopped before the comfortable little house; the -landlord stood in the doorway; he greeted him and asked if Mr —— were -at home.</p> - -<p>"No; he went off this morning."</p> - -<p>"Where?"</p> - -<p>"To Denmark."</p> - -<p>During the three hours which he had to wait for the train he had time -to get over the blow. When he took his seat again in the train, he -thought: "There is something wrong here; it is not the natural logic of -events. It is certainly something else."</p> - -<p>Then the spires of Hamburg reappeared and his hatred to the place awoke -again, and rose to an incredible height when he saw a coffin at the -station. "Now the cholera is here," he thought, "and I shall be in -quarantine for fourteen days!"</p> - -<p>But it was not the cholera, which was something to be thankful for. He -did not feel so, however, for he felt sure it would break out on the -same day that he received the money. And he calculated that he would -never get away from Hamburg in this way. The money would delay so long -till the hotel bill, which grew in geometrical progression, swallowed -up the whole amount, and nothing would be left for his travelling -expenses. In this way there would be a sort of perpetual movement which -might last till the end of the world.</p> - -<p>That his calculations were about correct was proved two days later -when the money really came. He paid the bill, left the hotel in a cab, -and drove to the station; then a hotel servant who had followed him -expected a tip, and had, besides, a little additional bill, probably -falsified, as usual. When he came to the booking-office and inquired -the price of the ticket, he was two marks short. Accordingly he -returned to the hotel.</p> - -<p>It is not necessary to linger over details in order to give the reader -a lively idea of what he suffered. In short, his silence cure still -lasted some days; then he got away, and the cholera had not yet broken -out.</p> - -<p>His object in going to Rügen was partly to seek masculine society in -order to get rid of the feminine atmosphere which had enveloped him, -and partly to settle matters with Ilmarinen; but his chief purpose -was probably to talk himself out. That was precisely why, he thought, -destiny or whatever it was had relegated him to absolute silence in -Hamburg, for "destiny" always sought out his secret wishes in order to -frustrate them.</p> - -<p>When at last he reached Rügen, hoping to have a good talk for half a -night, he found Ilmarinen altered, chilly in demeanour and embarrassed. -The latter had heard that his friend had married a lady from a rich -family, as indeed was the fact, and therefore could not understand this -sudden come down. When the new-comer asked whether they could have -supper together, the Finn excused himself by saying that he had been -invited to a birthday feast.</p> - -<p>"I live, you know," he said, "with Lais's oldest friend, the Swede, who -was in love with her, and who came last."</p> - -<p>"Is he here?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, he lives here, since Lais engaged herself to the Russian who left -his wife and children."</p> - -<p>"He hates me then also?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, to speak the truth, your presence will certainly annoy him."</p> - -<p>So he remained alone the first evening. Alone after a long double -loneliness with his wife and with himself!</p> - -<p>He felt as though he were under some curse, to be so treated by this -insignificant, uncultivated Ilmarinen whom he had lifted up from -nothingness, introduced to his own circle, fed and lodged, because he -executed business matters for him with the theatres and publishers. -This employment was partly an honour for the young unknown author, and -partly an advantage, for it helped him to find openings for his own -work. Now the pupil abandoned the teacher, because he thought there was -nothing more to be gained from him, and because he considered he could -now help himself.</p> - -<p>The days which followed were now so dreadful, that again the thought -occurred to him that this could not be natural, but that a black hand -was guiding his destiny.</p> - -<p>Since there was only one restaurant in this third-class watering-place, -he had to sit at the same table with his countryman, who attributed -to him the loss of Lais, and with Ilmarinen, who assumed a superior -tone, because he regarded him as lost. Then the food resembled hog's -flesh from which all the goodness had been cooked out. One rose hungry -from table, and was hungry the whole day. Everything was adulterated, -even the beer. As regards the meat, the restaurant keeper's family -first cooked all the goodness out of it for themselves; the customers -only got the sinews and bones, and were fed, in fact, just like dogs. -Bitter looks, which his unfortunate fellow-countryman could not quite -suppress, did not increase the imaginary pleasures of the table.</p> - -<p>He spent a week in Rügen without hearing anything from his wife in -London. At first he had found life on the island tolerable in contrast -to that in the Hamburg hotel; but when he woke one day and reflected on -his situation, it seemed to him simply hellish. He had hired an attic -room and the sun beat fiercely on the iron plates of the roof, which -was only a foot above his head. Sixteen years previously he had, as a -young bachelor, left his garret at the top of five flights of stairs, -in order to enter a house as a married man. Since that time it had been -one of his nightmares to find himself crawling up the five flights of -stairs to his old garret, where all the wretchedness and untidiness -of a bachelor's room awaited him. Now he was again in an attic and a -bachelor, although married. That was like a punishment after receiving -warnings. But what crime he had committed he could not say.</p> - -<p>Moreover, the whole surrounding soil consisted of light, loose -sand, which had been so heated by the suns of midsummer that it -did not become cool at night. It made one think at first of the hot -sand-girdles which peasants use to cure inflammation of the lungs. -Later on, after searching in his memory, he thought of the scene in -Dante's Inferno where the blasphemers lie stretched out on hot sand. -But as he did not think he believed in any good God, it seemed to him -that blasphemies might be left unpunished.</p> - -<p>After walking about for a week in the deep sand, it seemed to him -really a hellish torture to have to take half a step backward for every -one forward, and to be obliged to lift the foot six inches high in -walking. Worst of all was the feeling of sinking through the earth like -the girl in the fairy story who trod on bread. Never to find a firm -foothold, nor to be able to run a race with one's thoughts, but to drag -oneself about like an old man—that was hell. Besides this, there was a -heat in the air which never abated. His attic was burning hot by day, -and when he lay in bed at night with nothing on, he was scorched by the -iron plates of the roof. The nearness of the sea would naturally have -helped to relieve the heat, but that possibility had been carefully -guarded against, like everything else. From his boyhood he had been -accustomed to cast himself head foremost into the water because he -did not like creeping into it. In connection with this also, he was -persecuted by a frequently recurring nightmare, i.e. he used to dream -that he was overheated and must plunge into the sea. The sea was there -but was so shallow that he could not plunge into it, and when he did -crawl into it, it was still so shallow that he could not duck his head. -That was precisely the case here. "Have I come here for the fulfilment -of all my bad dreams?" he asked himself.</p> - -<p>And with reason. Ilmarinen grew more inquisitive every day; he asked -when the Norwegian's wife was coming, and when a fortnight had passed, -believed that she had quite abandoned him. This, naturally, pleased -Lais's friend, and nothing was wanting to complete the Norwegian's -hell. For there was something very humiliating in his position as a -discarded husband. His correspondence with England had assumed such an -ominous character that he did not know himself whether he was still -married or separated. In one of his wife's letters, she dwelt on her -inextinguishable love, the pain of separation, and the martyrdom of -longing. They were, she said, Hero and Leander on opposite sides of the -sea, and if she could swim, she would fly to her Leander, even at the -risk of being washed up on his island a corpse. In her next letter she -announced that she intended opening a theatre in London, and was trying -to raise sufficient capital. At the same time she could not find enough -capital to buy a steamer-ticket. A third letter contained the news that -she was ill, and was full of complaints that the husband had left his -sick wife in a foreign land. A fourth letter said that she was in a -convent kept by English ladies, where she had been educated, and where -she found again her youth and innocence; in it she also denounced the -wickedness of the world and the hell of marriage.</p> - -<p>It was impossible to give reasonable answers to these letters, for they -poured on him like hail and crossed his own. If he wrote a gentle reply -he received a scolding letter in answer to a previous sharp one of his, -and vice versa. Their misunderstandings arrived at such a pitch that -they bordered on lunacy, and when he ceased to write, she began to send -telegrams.</p> - -<p>This imbroglio lasted for a month, and during that time he looked back -with longing to the hours he had spent in Hamburg; they seemed to him -like memories of an indescribably happy time when compared with this.</p> - -<p>At last he was cut down from the gallows. A letter came from his -sister-in-law inviting him to his father-in-law's villa at Odense. His -wife had also been invited; and it was arranged that they should meet -again there.</p> - - -<hr class="tb" /> -<h4>V</h4> - - -<p>Prepared for everything, even the worst, he entered on this new stage -of running the gauntlet. The most curious of all his changes awaited -him. After having been a husband and father he was to become a child -again, be incorporated into a family, and find another father and -mother many years after losing his own. The situation was rendered -more confused by the fact that his father and mother-in-law had lived -separate for seven years, and now wished to come together again on the -occasion of their daughter's marriage.</p> - -<p>He had thus become a bond of union between them, and since the daughter -had also been at variance with her father, the family meeting promised -to take the shape of a manifold reconciliation.</p> - -<p>But his own past was not exactly associated with family -reconciliations, and since he himself had not a clean record the -prospective idyll by the Areskov Lake began to loom before him like -a cave of snakes. How was he to explain this strange parting from -his bride after only eight weeks of marriage? To allege pecuniary -embarrassment would be the worst of all excuses, because a son-in-law -with money difficulties would be regarded as an impostor or a -legacy-hunter.</p> - -<p>As he approached the meeting-place, he became nervous, but at the last -hour he saved his courage, as usual, by reverting to the stand-point -of the author: "If I get no honour thereby, I will at any rate get -material for a chapter in my novel."</p> - -<p>He also regarded what happened to him from another point of view—that -of the innocent martyr. "I will see how far Destiny can go in its -meanness, and how much I can bear." When the train stopped at the -pretty little branch-line station, he looked out, naturally enough, for -faces which sought his own. A young lady leading a delicate-looking -child by the hand approached, asked his name, and introduced herself as -his father-in-law's French governess. She had been sent, she said, to -meet him.</p> - -<p>A pretty white village whose houses had high, tent-like roofs and green -shutters lay in a valley surrounded by small hills, and enclosing a -beautiful lake, on the bank of which, outside the village, stood his -father-in-law's house. On the road under the lime-trees a bare-headed, -white-haired lady met him, embraced him and bade him welcome. It -was his wife's mother. He was immediately conscious what a strange -transmission of feelings such a simple transaction as marriage had -seemed to him, might bring about. She was his mother and he was her son.</p> - -<p>"I have known you long before you saw my daughter," said the old -lady, with the quavering voice of a religious fanatic. "And it is as -though I had expected you. There is much evil in your writings, but -your immorality is childish, your views of women are correct, and -your godlessness is not your fault for He did not wish to make your -acquaintance, but now you will soon see Him come. You have married a -child of the world, but you will not long remain with her when you see -how she pulls you down into the trivialities of life. When you find -yourself alone, you will re-discover the first vocation of your youth."</p> - -<p>This she said in the solemn and unembarrassed manner of a sibyl, as -though someone else spoke through her and therefore she did not fear to -have said too much.</p> - -<p>When the conversation returned to mundane things, he asked after his -father-in-law, whose absence surprised him. She answered that he was -not here, but would come to-morrow. His sister-in-law now appeared but -she was chilly, gloomy and conventional in demeanour. He had thought -her his friend and had hoped to find a support in her presence, but -perceived now that that hope was vain, especially as she was going to -leave before her father came. Nothing more was said about his own wife, -and no one knew whether she was coming or not.</p> - -<p>Had he been enticed into a trap? he asked himself, and was a court -martial about to be held here? Had his wife written complaints -against him from England? How was he to interpret the situation? A -mother-in-law who almost advised him to be divorced, and spoke ill of -her child—that was something very original!</p> - -<p>Meanwhile he was conducted into the villa. It was a handsome stone -building of two stories, with many large rooms filled with ancient -furniture, tapestries, and ornaments. And this house, which could -easily contain two large families, was occupied for only six weeks -in the year by the owner during his holidays; the rest of the time -it stood empty. This suggested wealth, and gave the son-in-law the -impression that here, at any rate, one need not discuss poverty—its -causes and its cure.</p> - -<p>The day passed in conversation with his mother-in-law, who was -unwearied in showing him attention and kindness. She was inclined -on every occasion to lead the conversation to high subjects; as a -religious mystic she was disposed to see the guiding hand of Providence -everywhere. That led her to look at things in general from a tolerant -point of view, since she regards people's actions as predestined.</p> - -<p>In order to make himself agreeable in the most usual way he placed -himself at her point of view and searched in his past for some -premonitions of coming events.</p> - -<p>"Yes," answered the old lady, "I said already that I had expected you; -one of those wild Northmen was to come and take my daughter. But as you -can guess, my husband was not delighted at the prospect; he has a very -violent temper but is good at heart. You will have a hard tussle with -him at first, but it will soon be over, if only you do not answer him. -It is certainly fortunate that your wife has not come, for he has a -bone to pick with her also."</p> - -<p>"Also?"</p> - -<p>"I don't mean anything bad; don't misunderstand me. It will be all -right when his angry fit is over."</p> - -<p>"He will be angry then, anyhow, but I don't understand why. I have -acted in good faith, but every man may sometimes fairly plead -unmerited misfortune."</p> - -<p>"Oh, it will be all right!"</p> - -<p>At last the evening ended and he went up to his room. It had windows on -three sides; there were no outer blinds and the curtains could not be -drawn together. He felt himself under observation, like a patient in -quarantine.</p> - -<p>When he lay in bed he had his father-in-law's bust to contemplate; the -face did not look friendly but quite the reverse, and being lit from -below, it assumed all manner of unpleasing expressions.</p> - -<p>"And to-morrow I am to be lectured by this stranger who I have never -seen; scolded like a schoolboy because I have had misfortunes. Well, I -must put up with it, as with everything else."</p> - -<p>The next morning he woke up with a distinct impression that he found -himself in a pit of snakes, into which Satan had enticed him. Therefore -it was impossible to flee, so he went out to botanise and survey the -landscape. He screwed himself up into a frivolous, poetic mood and -thought what a thrilling situation it was; a dramatic scene which no -one had hitherto passed through. "It is my own," he said to himself, -"even though it should scorch my skin."</p> - -<p>Lunch-time came; it was not exactly cheerful at table and his -father-in-law's empty place seemed to threaten him. After lunch he -went up to his room to quiet his nerves and immediately afterwards the -Councillor's arrival was announced.</p> - -<p>The Norwegian went down smiling, while a chill ran through him at -intervals. In the veranda stood a man who looked about forty, dressed -like a young man, with laughing and youthful eyes. What the Norwegian's -own demeanour was, he himself could not see, but it must have made a -favourable impression, for his new relative greeted him respectfully, -apologised for the lateness of his arrival, said kind things about his -books, and asked him to sit down.</p> - -<p>However, he always addressed him with "you" instead of the more -intimate "thou." Then he talked of politics; he had just come from -Fredensborg. He spoke at length of this and that person, apparently -with the object of observing his son-in-law, who sat mute and -attentive. Then he turned to his wife, asked if she had anything to -entertain their guest with, and finally came back to him, asking if -he wished for anything. Without hesitating he stood up, went near his -father-in-law and said: "I have only one wish, that my wife's father -should call me 'thou.'"<a name="FNanchor_1_2" id="FNanchor_1_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_2" class="fnanchor">[1]</a></p> - -<p>There was a sudden gleam in the other's eyes, he opened his arms and -now the doubter felt the same as he had when meeting his mother-in-law. -The invisible family-tie had been knit; he was genuinely moved, and -stood there transformed into a child.</p> - -<p>"You are a good fellow," said his father-in-law, "I have looked into -your eyes." Then he kissed him on both cheeks. "But," he continued, -"you have got Maria, and you know what you have got, as I hear. Be good -enough never to come and complain to me. If you cannot tame her, you -must let yourself be drawn along by her. You have had your way; much -good may it do you!"</p> - -<p>Then they drank coffee and talked like relatives and old acquaintances. -Then the Councillor went to change his clothes in order to go fishing. -He returned in a summer suit of white cashmere which made him look -still younger than before. The trousers had certainly belonged to -his Court uniform, and traces of gold thread were still visible upon -them, but that made an impression on the Bohemian. Moreover, his -father-in-law offered him cigars which he had been presented with by -princes.</p> - -<p>The Councillor had dined at Court and was now going fishing with the -anarchist. The latter felt his conscience slightly uneasy as he had -not long previously admired the cleverness of some anarchists in -forcing open money-safes. It was strange! But the Councillor spoke -sympathetically of modern movements and of Scandinavian literature in -general. He was also thoroughly acquainted with the terrible activity -of his son-in-law, so that the latter had no need to feel embarrassed. -He especially approved of his views on the woman question and expressed -his opinion thus, "You have written all that I wished to write."</p> - -<p>He was perhaps not quite serious, but he said it at any rate.</p> - -<p>Then they reached the stream.</p> - -<p>"Have you ever fished for perch?" asked his father-in-law.</p> - -<p>"No," he replied.</p> - -<p>"Then you had better help me."</p> - -<p>The help consisted in placing the fish in a basket and clearing the -hook without injuring the artificial fly.</p> - -<p>Since everything requires practice, the son-in-law showed himself -somewhat clumsy and got scolded. But he had become so accustomed to his -new position that he found it quite natural, just as natural as when he -used to go fishing formerly with his children.</p> - -<p>At sunset the sport ceased, and the son-in-law had the honour of -carrying the fishing-rods, basket, and fish home.</p> - -<p>The evening was cheerful, and the Councillor sent a telegram to London -with travelling expenses, telling the young wife to come at once.</p> - -<p>"That is for your sake," he said to his son-in-law. In other words she -had not been sent for before, and he had therefore been enticed, as one -captures singing-birds.</p> - -<p>"I have got well over it," he said to his mother-in-law as he bade her -good night.</p> - -<p>"The worst is over, but it is not finished yet."</p> - -<p>"Do you think we shall both get a whipping?"</p> - -<p>It was not the end yet by a long way. The next morning he received a -letter from London in which she said farewell to him for ever (Lord -Byron!) because in the choice between her and her parents, he had -preferred the latter. Since there was no choice in question, this was a -piece of nonsense which concealed something. Another letter, addressed -to her mother, was to the same effect but expressed more violently and -concluded by wishing her "good luck." Her mother explained it thus. -"She is jealous, fears that you tell tales against her and find support -here; she is so self-willed that she cannot bear even her parents over -her. If you become good friends with her father and mother, she feels -herself in a child's position with regard to you also!"</p> - -<p>This was possible but not quite natural, for she ought to have rejoiced -that he had made a conquest of her parents, and thus brought about a -reconciliation between her and them.</p> - -<p>Her father became angry and serious; he telegraphed an ultimatum and -demanded an answer. Now the sky was clouded and there were no more -smiles. The Norwegian feared a collision if he remained here, and -telegraphed to his wife: "I am going to Copenhagen; if you do not come, -I will seek for a divorce." But he had to wait for an answer, and -therefore he remained. That night he could not sleep, for the situation -was grotesque enough to drive one to despair. Suppose she agreed to a -divorce, how could the family-tie which had just been formed be broken -in a moment? What would he be then, who had just entered into the -family and received their confidence? What would the old people think? -Such a hasty breach could not take place without some reason.</p> - -<p>The next morning a telegram came from his young wife who was in -Holland. Since everything was fated to go crazily this telegram was so -badly worded that it might mean "I am coming to you," or "I am going to -Copenhagen to meet you there."</p> - -<p>This telegram became a bone of contention, and for three whole days -the old pair and their son-in-law disputed over its interpretation. -But the young wife did not come. They listened to the whistles of the -steamboats, went down to meet the trains, came back and discussed -the telegram again. They had no more quiet, and could not carry on a -conversation without turning their heads and listening.</p> - -<p>The next day the father's patience was exhausted, for a collateral -circumstance came in view, of great importance in his eyes—the -unavoidable scandal. The whole village knew that the son-in-law was -there, but that his wife had been lost and was sought for by telegram. -Her father therefore shut himself up all day, and when he emerged began -a ruthless discussion of the economic problem.</p> - -<p>"Have you a sure income?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"As sure as authors generally have," was the answer.</p> - -<p>"Very well, then you must do like others, and write for the papers."</p> - -<p>"No paper will print my articles."</p> - -<p>"Then write them so that they can be printed."</p> - -<p>That was more than a sceptic and quietist ought to have borne, but he -bore it and kept silence, firmly resolved rather to take a guitar on -his arm and go about as a wretched streetsinger rather than sell his -soul.</p> - -<p>The old man had himself been a novelist and poet in his youth, but -had been obliged to give up the struggle in order to provide for his -family. He, therefore, had the right to say: "Do as I have had to do." -But on the other side he knew by experience how hard such a sacrifice -is. He immediately felt sympathy with his son-in-law and spoke -friendly, encouraging words. The next moment, however, his justified -suspicions awoke, and the memory of the sacrifice he had once made -made him bitter; he felt he must trample on an unfortunate who had -fallen under his feet. When he saw how the other kept silent and took -everything quietly, an evil spirit probably whispered to him that this -man could only bear everything so patiently because he hoped some day -to be heir in this house. Then he spoke of King Lear and his ungrateful -daughters who left the old man alone, waited for his death, and robbed -him of honour. So the day passed, and when the son-in-law withdrew, he -was sent for to be whipped again. Since he could put himself in other's -places, and understood how to suffer with them, he made no attempt to -defend himself. He could easily imagine himself old and set aside, -despised and neglected by his children. "You are right," he said, "but -still I feel myself innocent."</p> - -<p>On the evening of the third day after the dispatch of the London -telegram his mother-in-law came to him. "You must go early to-morrow -morning," she said, "for he cannot bear to see you any more!"</p> - -<p>"Very well, I will go."</p> - -<p>"And if Maria comes now, she will not be received."</p> - -<p>"Have you ever seen a man in such a position as mine?"</p> - -<p>"No; my husband grants that too; it makes him suffer to see such a -worthy man as you in such a position; he suffers on your account, and -he does not want to suffer. You know my thoughts about it; it is no -one's fault and not the fault of circumstances; but you are fighting -against another who pursues and pursues you till you are so weary that -you will be compelled to seek rest in the only place where rest is to -be found. In me you will always have a friend, even if you are divorced -from my daughter, and I shall follow the course of your destiny with my -good wishes and my prayers."</p> - -<p>When alone in his room, he felt a certain relief to think that -to-morrow there would be an end of this wretchedness which was among -the worst things he had experienced. In order to think of something -else, he took up a paper which proved to be the official Court news. -His eye flew over the first page down to the feuilleton, where a -literary essay attracted his attention. He read it, thinking that his -father-in-law had written it. At the first glance the article showed -great familiarity with literature, but it contained over-confident -judgments and was written in too artificial a style. Moreover, it -surprised him by displaying hostility to all modern literature -(including Scandinavian), while German literature was pointed to with -special emphasis as that which set the tone to, and stood highest in -the civilised world. Germany always at the head!</p> - -<p>When he reached the end of the article, he saw that it was signed -by his wife! Now he had promised her never to read her articles and -he had kept this promise in order to avoid literary discussions in -his married life. The only reason that her written sentiments were -different from those which she expressed in daily conversation must be -that she had to write so "in order to be printed." What a double life -this woman must lead, appearing in Radical circles as an anarchist, -and in the Court paper as an old-fashioned Conservative! How one could -so change about he did not understand, and he was too tired to try to -understand it. But that explained why she could not understand his -being without occupation while there were plenty of pens and paper.</p> - -<p>This worldly wisdom, this old-fashioned style seemed to suggest a bald -head and spectacles rather than a young, beautiful, laughing girl who -could lie on a sofa and eat sweetmeats like an odalisque.</p> - -<p>"To think that people should be so complicated!" he said to himself. -"It is interesting at any rate! I shall remember it next time!" And -he fell asleep, thinking himself considerably wiser after these -experiences.</p> - -<p>At seven o'clock he got up, called by a man who was to take his things -to the station. As his mother-in-law had told him the train did not -start till nearly eight, he made no hurry, but dressed quietly and went -down into the garden where he met her. They were standing and talking -of what lay before him when a rough, thundering voice was heard from a -window of the first story. It was his father-in-law.</p> - -<p>"Haven't you gone yet?"</p> - -<p>"No; the train doesn't go till quarter to eight!"</p> - -<p>"What idiot told you that?"</p> - -<p>That he could not say, as it was his mother-in-law.</p> - -<p>"Well, hurry on to the station and see when the next train goes."</p> - -<p>As the Norwegian hesitated, there came a sharp "Now!" like the crack -of a whip over a horse. It was quite clear to him what he had to do -now; he pressed his mother-in-law's hand and went. His firm steps -must have shown that they were the opposite to those leading to the -lion's cave,<a name="FNanchor_2_3" id="FNanchor_2_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_3" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> going out and away but never returning, for he heard -immediately the old man's voice in a caressing, lamenting tone: "Axel!"</p> - -<p>It felt like a stab in the departer's breast, but he had begun to move, -and went on without looking round.</p> - -<p>He went down to the station, looked ostensibly at the railway guide, -asked about the next train without listening to the answer, saw by the -position of the sun which direction was north-east, and struck into -the nearest highway. He did this all so quietly, as though he had long -considered the plan. Soon he found himself out in the country, alone -without a home, without baggage, without an overcoat, and nothing but a -walking-stick in his hand. He felt angry with no one; his father-in-law -was right, and his last call sounded like an appeal for forgiveness for -his bad temper. Yes, he only felt guilty with regard to this man, on -whom he had brought shame and sorrow. But in himself he felt innocent, -for he had only acted according to his obligations and possibilities.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile he was free and had left the worst hell behind him; the sun -shone, the landscape lay green and open, he had the whole world before -him. He shook off the child's clothes which he had worn for eight -days, felt himself a man again, and marched on. His plan was to reach -a certain place on foot; there to take a steamer, to telegraph for his -baggage and so to travel to Copenhagen.</p> - -<p>"The affair is really ludicrous," he said to himself; "if it were not -tragic for the old people. It looks bad, but I have survived worse -things. I am a tramp! Very good! Then all claims to honour and respect -have ceased. It is soothing at all events to have nothing more to -lose. Hurrah!"</p> - -<p>He marched into the next village like an old soldier and ordered wine -and tobacco. He felt hilarious, and chatted with the innkeeper. Then -he went on again. But at intervals he became sentimental; thought of -his mother-in-law's words about the wild chase; had to admit that there -was something uncanny about it, for he had never yet experienced such -a misfortune; and if other people noticed it, it could not be mere -imagination. But that was nothing strange, for he had had bad luck ever -since he was a child. But fancy placing a man in such a position! He -would not even have treated an enemy with such hellish cruelty.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile he reached Odense, came to Korsör and soon afterwards to -Copenhagen. It was evening and he sent a messenger to the family where -his wife generally stayed. Since she had not come to the Arreskov Lake, -she must be in Copenhagen. On the visiting-card which he sent he only -wrote: "A somewhat strange question: where is my wife?"</p> - -<p>The man who has not waited for an hour and a half on a pavement does -not know how long this time can be. But this interval of waiting was -abridged by the hope that after a silence-cure of eight days in -Hamburg, five weeks of simple imprisonment at Rügen, and a week of the -nethermost hell at Fünen, he would see his wife again. After an hour -and a half the messenger returned with another visiting-card on which -was written: "She left this morning for Fünen in order to meet you."</p> - -<p>A miss again! "I begin to find this monotonous even when regarded as a -plot," he said to himself.</p> - -<p>If one had used it for the plan of a novel, the reader would throw the -book away and exclaim: "No! that is too thick! And as a farce it isn't -cheerful enough!"</p> - -<p>Nevertheless, it was a fact! The next minute he thought: "My poor, -unfortunate wife is going straight into the lion's den. Now she -will get blows." For her father's anger was now unbounded, and his -mother-in-law had said during the last days of his stay: "If she comes -now, he will beat her." Therefore he telegraphed to the old lady to say -that his wife was coming, and asked indulgence for her.</p> - -<p>It would take four days for her to return. In order not to remain in -Copenhagen where his wedding journey had been reported in the papers, -he stayed in a village outside the town where an old friend of his -lived with his family. In the boarding-house where he stayed the same -hog's-wash regime prevailed as in Rügen. In two days he lost as much -strength as though he had had an attack of typhus. One chewed till -one's jaws were weary, went hungry to table, and rose again tired and -hungry.</p> - -<p>His friend was not the same as before. Rendered melancholy by -disappointments he seemed to find this a favourable opportunity to -display a visible satisfaction at seeing the well-known author in such -a sorry plight. His sympathy took the heartiest, and at the same time -the most insulting forms. When the Norwegian related his adventures on -the wedding journey, his hearer stared at him in such a way that he -made a hasty end of his narrative in order not to be stigmatised as a -liar.</p> - -<p>The village was on marshy ground, and over-shadowed by very old trees; -one became melancholy there without knowing why. When he walked down -one of the streets of the village he was astonished to see people at -the windows regarding him furtively with wild, distracted looks, and -immediately afterwards shyly hiding themselves behind the curtains. -This disquieted him and he wondered whether a false report had been -spread that he was mad. When he asked his friend about it, the latter -answered: "Don't you know where you are?"</p> - -<p>The question sounded strangely, and might mean: "Are you so confused -that you have lost consciousness?"</p> - -<p>"I am in X——" he answered, in order not to betray his suspicion.</p> - -<p>"And don't you know what X—— is?"</p> - -<p>"No!"</p> - -<p>"It is simply a lunatic asylum; the inhabitants make a living by taking -care of mad people." And he laughed.</p> - -<p>The Norwegian inquired no further, but he asked himself: "Have they -enticed me into a trap in order to watch me?"</p> - -<p>He had grounds for such a suspicion, for such an occurrence had already -happened in his life.</p> - -<p>His whole existence now became a single effort to show himself so -ordinary in his way of thinking and normal in his behaviour, that -nothing "unusual" might be noticed in him. He did not dare to give -vent to an original thought or to utter a paradox, and whenever the -temptation came to narrate something of his wedding journey he pinched -his knee.</p> - -<p>This continual fear of being watched depressed him so much that he saw -watching eyes everywhere, and thought he noticed traps laid for him -in questions where there were none. Sensitive as he was, he believed -that the whole village exhaled the contagious atmosphere of the -lunatics; he became depressed and feared to go mad himself. But he did -not attempt to go away, partly because he feared being arrested at the -station, and partly because he had told his wife to meet him at this -village.</p> - -<p>He had received letters from Arreskov, in which his mother-in-law -informed him what disquiet and anxiety his disappearance had caused -them. His father-in-law, who well knew what he would have done in the -unfortunate man's place, had immediately foreboded his suicide and wept -aloud. They had searched for him by the banks of the lake and in the -wood.... He stopped reading the letter and felt his conscience prick -him. The good old man had wept! How terrible his lot must be, when the -sight of it had that effect on others! The letter went on to say that -Maria had arrived, and that they would soon meet again, if he only -kept quiet, for she loved him. This was a ray of light and it gave him -strength to endure this hell, where everyone looked askance at his -neighbour to see whether he were in his senses.</p> - -<p>But the two last days brought new tortures. The Swede whom he had met -in the Copenhagen café had accepted an invitation to come to dinner. -The Norwegian went gladly to the station to meet his best friend, who -understood him better than anyone else, and who, though poor himself, -had tried to make interest for him with rich people, and to procure -the help for him which he himself could not obtain. But now he met -a stranger who looked at him coldly and treated him as a stranger. -There was no smile of recognition on his part, no inquiry after the -Norwegian's health and especially no allusion to the past.</p> - -<p>After dinner he took the host aside and asked: "Is the Swede angry with -me?"</p> - -<p>"Angry? No! But you understand he has now married Lais."</p> - -<p>"Married?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, and therefore he does not like to be reminded that she was your -friend."</p> - -<p>"I understand that, but it is not my fault that I was her friend before -she knew that the Swede was in existence."</p> - -<p>"No, certainly not; but you have gossiped about her."</p> - -<p>"I only said what everyone else said, since it was no secret. She -herself so boasted of her conquests that they were bound to become -public."</p> - -<p>"Yes, but the fact is as I say."</p> - -<p>The Swede remained in the hotel, and therefore the Norwegian was -relegated to solitude. In order to while away the time he made use of -the flora of the neighbourhood in order to study the biology of plants. -For this purpose he carried about with him on his walks a morphia -syringe, intending to see whether the plants were sensitive to this -nerve poison. He wished to prove by experiment that they possess a -sensitive nervous system.</p> - -<p>One afternoon he sat drinking a glass of wine at a garden restaurant on -the outskirts of the village. Over his table hung the branches of an -apple-tree, laden with small red apples. These were suitable for his -purpose. Accordingly, he stood on his chair, made an insertion with the -morphia syringe in the twig which bore the apple, but pressed too hard, -so that it fell. At that instant he heard a cry and halloo from the -wooded slope behind him, and saw an angry man, followed by his wife and -child, come rushing towards him with uplifted stick. "There! I have him -at last!" he cried.</p> - -<p>Him! He was mistaken for an apple stealer for whom they had been -watching.</p> - -<p>The Norwegian summoned all his Buddhistic philosophy to his aid, got -down from the chair, and sat expecting to be led off by gendarmes as he -had been caught in the act. It was impossible to explain his conduct, -for none of the authorities could approve such an eccentric act as the -inoculation of an apple-tree with morphia.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile a minute passed while the angry man was running along by a -fence and entering the enclosure. Like one condemned to death, the -Norwegian sat there awaiting a blow from the stick as an earnest of -what was to follow. He was firmly resolved to die like a warrior, and -did not trouble to devise useless explanations, but only thought: "This -is the most devilish experience I have had in my whole terrible life."</p> - -<p>Sixty seconds are a long time but they pass at last!</p> - -<p>Whether it was the Norwegian's carefully groomed exterior and expensive -suit, the wine and the best kind of cigarettes, or something quite -different which had a mollifying effect, the angry man, who had -certainly not had such a stylish customer before, bared his head, and -only asked whether the gentleman had been attended to. The Norwegian, -answering politely, noticed how the restaurant keeper stared at the -morphia syringe, the powder box and the glass of water.</p> - -<p>With the free-and-easy tone of a man of the world, the Norwegian -explained the embarrassing situation: "I am a botanist, and was just -about to make an experiment when you surprised me in a very suspicious -position."</p> - -<p>"Pray, doctor, do as though you were in your own house, and be quite at -your ease," was the reply.</p> - -<p>After exchanging some remarks about the weather, the restaurant keeper -went indoors; he muttered something to the waitress which the Norwegian -thought he overheard. It caused him to take his departure, but in a -leisurely way. "He thought I was one of the lunatics," he said to -himself. "That was my deliverance. I can't come here again, however."</p> - -<p>Several hours passed, but the impression of the sixty seconds of -humiliation and the lifted stick still remained. "That is not -mischance; that is something else," was his conclusion, as usual.</p> - -<p>The next morning he took his walk and meditated on his destiny. "Why -haven't you shot yourself?" Let him say who can. One view was that, -finally, all difficulties are disentangled and experience shows that -the end is good. This used to be called "hope," and by means of it one -warped one's ship half an ell farther, as with a kedge anchor. Others -maintained that it was curiosity which supported people. They wanted to -see the sequel, just as when one reads a novel, or sees a play.</p> - -<p>The Norwegian, for his part, had never found an aim in life. Religion -certainly said that one should be improved here below, but he had only -seen himself forced into situations from which he emerged worse than -before. One certainly became a little more tolerant towards one's -brother-men, but this tolerance strongly resembled moral laxity. -Those who smile indulgently at others' crimes are not far from being -criminals themselves. When in conversation it was alleged that one -should love one's fellow-men, he used to deliver himself of his final -sentiment as follows: "I neither love them nor hate them; I put up with -them as they put up with me."</p> - -<p>The fact that he was never entirely crushed by a sorrow sprang from -his having an indistinct suspicion that life had no complete reality, -but was a dream stage, and that our actions, even the worst of them, -were carried out under the influence of some strong suggestive power -other than ourselves. He therefore felt himself to a certain extent -irresponsible. He did not deny his badness, but knew also that in his -innermost being there was an upward, striving spirit which suffered -from the humiliation of being confined in a human body. It was this -inner personality which possessed the sensitive conscience, which could -sometimes, to his alarm, press forward and become sentimental, weeping -over his or her wretchedness—which of the two, it was hard to say. -Then his second self laughed at the foolishness of the first, and this -"divine frivolity," as he called it, served him better than morbid -brooding.</p> - -<p>When he came home from his work, he found his door shut. Full of -foreboding, he knocked and uttered his own name. When the door opened, -his young, wild wife fell on his neck. It seemed to him quite natural -and simple, as though he had left her two minutes before. She spoke not -a word of reproach, inquiry, or explanation, but only this: "Have you -much money or little?"</p> - -<p>"Why do you ask that?"</p> - -<p>"Because I have much, and want a good dinner in Copenhagen."</p> - -<p>In this they were agreed, and such was their reunion. And why not? Two -months of torture were forgotten and obliterated as though they had -never been; the disgrace of a separation about which people had perhaps -already gossiped, had vanished.</p> - -<p>"If anyone asked me," he said, "about what we had quarrelled I would -not be able to remember."</p> - -<p>"Nor I, either. But, therefore, we will never, never part again. We -must not separate for half a day, or everything goes crazy."</p> - -<p>This was certainly the wisest plan, he thought, and so did she. And yet -one recollection came into his mind of Dover and another of London, -when they were not apart for a moment, and just for that very reason -everything went quite crazy. But they must not be too particular.</p> - -<p>"And how is the old father?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Ah, he was so fond of you that I became jealous."</p> - -<p>"I have noticed that. How did he receive you?"</p> - -<p>"Well, I won't talk about that. But it was for your sake, so I forgave -him." Even at that she could smile, as indeed she could at everything.</p> - -<p>Well then, we will feast to-day, and work to-morrow.</p> - - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_1_2" id="Footnote_1_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_2"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Intimate friends thus address each other in Swedish.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_2_3" id="Footnote_2_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_3"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> <i>Vide</i> Horace.</p></div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<h4>VI</h4> - - -<p>The autumn brought what the spring had promised, but not fulfilled. -They lived in a good boarding-house, high up certainly, but with a view -over the sea. Each of them kept up a slight intercourse with former -friends so that they were not always <i>tête-à-tête</i>. The sun shone, -money came in, and life was easy. This lasted for two unforgettable -months without a cloud. There was boundless confidence on both sides, -without a trace of jealousy. On one occasion, when she had tried -mischievously to arouse his, he had said to her: "Don't play with -madness! Be sure that with such play you only arouse my abhorrence and -my hatred at the same time, when you introduce into my mental pictures -of you the image of another man."</p> - -<p>But she herself was jealous, even of his male friends, and drove -Ilmarinen away. There were ladies at the table d'hôte, and each time -that he addressed one of them, she became so indisposed that she had -to get up and go. There was no occasion to mistrust his faithfulness -to her, but her imperiousness was so boundless, that she could not -endure his imparting his thoughts to another, man or woman. When she -conducted some business transactions for him with publishers she -exceeded her authority and acted rather as his guardian than as his -helper. He had to warn her: "Remember what I said! If you misuse the -power I have given you, I will overthrow you like a tyrant." He did not -doubt her goodwill but her want of insight and exaggerated ideas of -his capacities caused him inconvenience, and even loss of money. When -he took away from her the authority to act for him, she behaved like a -naughty child, brought everything into confusion and threw it away as -worthless. Accordingly, the way was prepared for the inevitable result.</p> - -<p>One Sunday morning they had a disagreement on an important subject, -and at last he had shut the door between their two rooms. Then he went -out. On his return, he found a letter from his wife saying she had -gone to a family which they knew in the country, and would be back in -the evening. In order to let her feel what solitude is like he made -an engagement for the evening with some friends. The evening came. He -went out, but about ten o'clock, thinking it cruel to remain longer, he -returned home. When he tried to open his door, he found it shut from -within.</p> - -<p>"Aha!" he thought. "This is her plan to make me listen to a -curtain-lecture in her room." He rang for the servant. "Is my wife at -home?"</p> - -<p>"No, she came home at nine, but went out again, in order to meet you, -sir."</p> - -<p>"Very well, open the door of my wife's room." That was done, but the -door of his room remained locked, as he had locked it himself in the -morning. Then he made his decision, closed the outer door of the flat, -and took possession of his wife's room. After an hour she came and -knocked. Her husband answered through the closed door: "You can take my -room; I hope you can open it."</p> - -<p>When she found she could not she began to form suspicions and thought -he had shut himself in with someone. She naturally would not endure -the scandal but sent for the police, on the pretext that a thief had -been there, and perhaps was still in the room. The police came; the -Norwegian dressed himself and admitted them, and they broke open the -door between the two rooms. At the same time the door leading to the -corridor was opened. A servantmaid said she thought she had heard steps -inside the room. Before the open window stood a chair so placed as -though someone had stood on it in order to climb on the roof. A thief -then (or a woman) had clambered on the roof. The police went on it -with lanterns, and some of the inmates of the boarding-house followed. -A shadow moved by a chimney. A cry rose: "There he is!" The police -declared that they could not climb the steep slate roof, and advised -them to send for the fire brigade. "But that costs fifty crowns," -objected the Norwegian. His wife signed a requisition for it, but her -husband tore it in two. Meanwhile a crowd had collected in the street; -the neighbouring roofs were also full of spectators. A cry was raised: -"There he is!" They had seized a fellow who had joined the searchers -with the good intention of catching the thief. A maid recollected -that in the afternoon a traveller had arrived and was sleeping in a -neighbouring attic from which he could have easily got into the room. -The police made their way into the attic, searched through his papers -and found nothing. All the attics were ransacked without result, and at -midnight the police departed.</p> - -<p>Then the young wife wished to begin with a whole series of -explanations, but her husband was tired of the whole nonsense and could -explain nothing. Therefore, since nothing more was to be done, he -carried his wife into her room and shut the door between them for the -second time that day!</p> - -<p>This demoniacal adventure was never cleared up. The Norwegian did -not believe there had been a thief, for nothing was missing from the -rooms; he thought that his young wife, who had seen many plays, had -stuck something in the lock, and that then devils had continued the -performance of the comedy. He did not try to elicit what his wife -thought, for then he would have been entangled in a web of necessary -lies. He therefore made a stroke of erasure through the whole affair. -The next morning they were again good friends, but not quite so good as -before.</p> - -<p>How disunion between a married pair arises has not yet been explained. -They love one another, only flourish in each other's society, have not -different opinions, and suffer when they are separated; their whole -united self-interest enjoins them to keep the peace, because it is they -especially who suffer when it is not kept. Nevertheless, a little cloud -arises, one knows not whence; all merits are transformed into faults, -beauty becomes ugliness and they confront each other like two hissing -snakes; they wish each other miles away, although they know that if -they are separated for a moment there begins the pain of longing, which -is greater than any other pain in life.</p> - -<p>Here physiology and psychology are non-plussed. Swedenborg in his -"Conjugal Love" is the only one who has even approached the solution of -the problem, and he has seen that for that purpose higher factors must -be taken into consideration than come into the mental purview of most -people.</p> - -<p>This is why a married pair who love each other are obliged again and -again to wonder why they hate one another, i.e. why they flee one -another although they seek one another. Married people who are slightly -acquainted with Ganot's "Physics" may note the resemblance of this -phenomenon to that of the electricised elder-pith balls, but this -will not make them either wiser or happier. Love indeed presents all -the symptoms of lunacy, hallucination, or seeing beauty where none -exists; profoundest melancholy, varying with extreme hilarity without -any transition stage; unreasonable hate; distortions of each other's -real opinions (so-called "misunderstandings"); persecution mania, when -one believes the other is setting spies and laying snares; sometimes -indeed attempts on each other's life, especially with poison. All -this has reasons which lie below the surface. The question arises, -whether through a married pair's living together, the evil thoughts -of one, while still unripened, are not quite clearly apprehended and -interpreted by the other, as though they had already entered into -consciousness, with the express purpose of being carried into action. -Nothing annoys a man more than to have his secret thoughts read, and -that only a married pair can do to each other. They cannot conceal -their dark secrets; one anticipates the other's intentions, and -therefore they easily form the idea that they spy on each other, as -indeed they actually do. Therefore they fear no one's look so much -as each other's, and are so defenceless against one another. Each is -accompanied by a judge who condemns the evil desire while yet in the -germ, although no one is answerable for his thoughts to the civic law.</p> - -<p>Accordingly, in marrying, one enters into a relation which stands a -grade higher than ordinary life, makes severer demands, more exacting -claims, and operates with more finely developed spiritual resources. -Therefore the Christian Church made marriage a sacrament, and regarded -it rather as a purgatory than a pleasure. Swedenborg in his explanation -of it, also inclines this way.</p> - -<p>A married pair are ostensibly one, but cannot be really so. As a -punishment they are condemned to feel thorns when they wish to gather -roses. According to the proverb: "Omnia vincit amor" the power of love -is so boundless, that if it were allowed uncontrolled sway, the order -of the universe would be endangered. It is a crime to be happy, and -therefore happiness must be chastised.</p> - -<p>Our frivolous friends must have felt something of this, for when they -had had a tiff, they reconciled themselves without explanations and -without alleging reasons, as though it was not they who were to blame -for the discord but a third unknown person who had brought about all -the confusion.</p> - -<p>They did so on this occasion also, but the peace did not last long. -Some days afterwards an indisputable fact was apparent, which in -ordinary marriages is accepted with mixed feelings, but in this one met -with decided disapproval. The wife was beside herself: "Now you have -ruined my career; I shall sink down to the level of a nurse and how -shall we support ourselves?"</p> - -<p>There awoke in her a personal grudge against her husband which -degenerated into hatred. She was an example of the "independent" woman -who protests against the supposed injustice of Nature in assigning all -the discomfort to her. She forgets that this brief period of pain is -followed by an extreme and long-lasting joy which is quite unknown to -men.</p> - -<p>Here reasonable considerations were naturally of no avail, and when -there were no more smiles, the situation became serious. The scenes -between them assumed a tragic character, and just at this crisis an -action was brought against him for his last-published book, which was -confiscated at the same time. Autumn passed, and one felt that the -sun had gone. The cheerful top-floor room changed into a never-tidied -sick-room—became narrow.</p> - -<p>Her hatred increased continually; she could not go into society, nor -to theatres, and hardly on the street. What most annoyed her was the -fact that the doctor who had been summoned to declare that she had a -dangerous disease, hitherto unknown, only smiled, saying that all the -symptoms were normal, and ordered soda-water. Instead of an intelligent -friend, the Norwegian found a malicious, spoilt, unreasonable child -at his side, and longed to be out of all this wretchedness. All -conversation ceased, and they only carried on communications by -writing. But there is a kind of malice bordering on the disgraceful -and infamous, which is hard to define but easy to recognise. That is -the original sin in human nature, the positive wish to injure without -cause, and without being justified in taking vengeance or exacting -retribution. This kind of malice is hardly forgivable.</p> - -<p>One day he received a scrap of paper on which something was written -which prevented him going to her room again. Then came her ultimatum; -she resolved to go to her relations the next day.</p> - -<p>"I wish you a happy journey," he answered. In the dusk of the early -morning a white form stood by his bedside stretching out its arms -pleadingly for forgiveness. He did not move but let it stand there. -Then she fell to the ground, and he let her lie, like an overthrown -statue.</p> - -<p>Whence the soft-hearted man, who was always ready to forgive, derived -this firmness, this inhuman hardness, he could not understand, but it -seemed to him to be imposed on him from without like a duty, or a fiery -ordeal which he must go through. He went to sleep again. Then he awoke -and dressed. He entered the empty room and was conscious of the void. -Everything was irrevocably at an end!</p> - -<p>A severe agitation was needed to bring his ego uppermost, and he -resolved to drain a draught which was unsurpassed for bitterness. He -went back to his native land, from which he had been banished.</p> - -<p>When he got on the steamer for Christiania, he wrote a farewell letter -to the captain, went on deck with his revolver, and thought of finding -his grave in the Kattegat. Why did he not carry out this intention? Let -him say who can! At last he found himself in a small provincial hotel. -But why had it to be precisely the one in which Lais's friends and -relations lived and dominated the social circle in which he must move? -He could only regard that as a mean stroke on the part of Destiny, for -on this occasion he was not to blame at all.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile he sat as on an ant-heap in an alien and hostile environment. -For three days long he asked himself: "What have I got to do here?" And -he answered: "What indeed have you to do anywhere?" So he remained. -For three days he asked himself: "What have you to do in life?" and -questioned of the where, whence and whither. As an answer, the revolver -lay on the table.</p> - -<p>Hamburg, London, and Rügen began to shine like pleasant memories in -comparison with this place of exile. It was so dreadful that he was -astonished at the inventiveness of Destiny in devising new tortures -which ever increased in severity. His room in the hotel was a suicide's -room, i.e. a combination of discomfort and uncanniness. He was again -haunted by the old idea he used to have: "I shall not get alive out -of this room; here I must end my days." His capacity for hoping was -exhausted. He seemed to be dropping downwards towards the empty void -which began to close round him like the last darkness.</p> - -<p>On the fourth day he received a letter from his sister-in-law in which -she told him that his little wife was going on well. At the same time -she proposed that he and his wife should spend the winter in a little -town in Alster, so that her relations could now and then visit his -wife who, in her present condition, needed help and advice.</p> - -<p>It was, then, not at an end! And these pains of death had been endured -in vain; he had not needed them in order to be taught to miss his wife. -It was not over yet, and he began to live again.</p> - -<p>As a proof that he had completely come to the end of himself it may -be mentioned that the papers in those days contained a notice of his -death. He wrote to contradict this in a vein of gloomy irony. He was -tormented for three days more by having to run about to collect the -journey money.</p> - -<p>When the train at last stopped at the little station, he saw first of -all his wife's pale face. It looked certainly somewhat exhausted by -suffering, but beamed at the same time with some of that glorifying -radiance which motherhood bestows. When her eyes discovered him, her -face lit up.</p> - -<p>"She loves me," he said to himself. And he began to live again -literally not figuratively.</p> - -<p>"Are you well?" he asked almost shyly.</p> - -<p>"Yes I am," she whispered, burying like a child her face in his great -cloak and kissing the edge of it.</p> - -<p>"What are you doing? What are you doing?"</p> - -<p>And she hid her face in his mantle in order not to show the emotion, of -which she was always ashamed.</p> - -<p>They had engaged two very inferior rooms; one was dark and the other -uncomfortable, looking out on a factory. His wife worked in the kitchen -and resigned herself to her fate, for her maternal feelings were -aroused, though not yet completely. He suffered when he saw her toiling -the whole day at the kitchen-range and in the scullery, and sometimes -felt a twinge of conscience.</p> - -<p>When he wished to help her to carry something heavy, she refused to be -helped, for she insisted strongly that he should not be seen engaged -in any feminine occupation, nor would she allow him to wait on her -or to do her any small service. All storms were over now; a quiet -stillness prevailed; the days passed one after the other in unvaried -monotony. They lived alone together and had no social intercourse nor -distractions.</p> - -<p>But poverty came. The trial about his book had frightened the -publishers and theatres. But the worst of all was that he could not -write.</p> - -<p>And what he could write, he did not wish to, for the plot of the story -affected a family to whom he owed a debt of gratitude. Now when he -would soon have two families to provide for, he trembled before the -future with its increased duties, for a growing dislike to exercise his -calling as an author had finally culminated in disgust.</p> - -<p>What an occupation—to flay his fellow-creatures and offer their skins -for sale. Like a hunter who, when pressed hard by hunger, cuts off -his dog's tail, eats the flesh, and gives the bone—its own bone—to -the dog. What an occupation to spy out people's secrets, expose the -birth-marks of his best friend, dissect his wife like a rabbit for -vivisection, and act like a Croat, cutting down, violating, burning, -and selling. Fie!</p> - -<p>In despair he sat down and wrote from his notes a survey of the most -important epochs of the world's history. He hoped, or in his need -imagined that he might in this way strike out a new path for himself as -an historian, which had been the dream of his youth, before he became -an author.</p> - -<p>His wife knew what he was writing and that it would bring in no money, -but controlled herself; perhaps his ardent conviction had persuaded -her that there was something in it. She did not complain, but on the -contrary cheered him up and offered to translate the work into English.</p> - -<p>A month passed, quiet, peaceful but melancholy. They felt that they -were not enough for each other in this absolute loneliness. They -lamented it but sought for no society. He, with wider experience than -hers, hoped that the child on its arrival would be satisfying company -for them both.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile poverty approached nearer. None of his plays were performed -or sold, and not one of the hopes of spring had been realised. His -children by his first marriage clamoured for money, and food began -to be scarce in the house. Then came deliverance in the form of an -invitation to spend the winter with his wife's grandparents.</p> - -<p>One evening in December they alighted at a little station in Jutland, -and drove through woods and wild heath. Everything was new and strange. -In this house he was now to live as a grandchild, just as during the -past summer in her father's house he had been for eight days a child.</p> - -<p>They reached the ferry in the twilight. The drifting of the ice had -begun, but the water had also sunk so low that a sand-bank lay in the -middle of the stream, and there a new boat waited for them. From thence -a large, white, three-storied house was visible; it looked unfriendly, -almost weird, with its projecting wings and high, illuminated windows.</p> - -<p>They reached the land and found themselves immediately in the ghostly -castle. They were conducted up whitewashed stairs over which hung -dark oil-paintings in black frames. Then he found himself in a warm, -well-lighted room, among her relatives, of whom he only knew his -mother-in-law.</p> - -<p>With his incredible pliability, he immediately adapted himself to -his position, and behaved like the young relation who under all -circumstances must show reverence to his elders.</p> - -<p>Here in the house his right of self-determination ceased; he must -conform to other people's views, wills, and habits. In order to spare -himself unpleasantness, he had resolved beforehand to have no more -likes and dislikes of his own, but to accept all that was offered to -him, however strange or repulsive it might appear.</p> - -<p>The old grandfather was a notary and barrister who had retired with -considerable wealth, and only managed his estate as far as was -necessary for domestic purposes and for his own amusement. Most of his -property consisted of hunting-ground and was in that state of neglect -which a townsman finds picturesque. He and his wife were both over -seventy, and seemed only to be waiting for their end with the cheerful -resignation of good-natured, orthodox Catholics who are free from care. -They had already built for themselves a mausoleum in the garden where -their bodies were to repose, and they were accustomed to show it as -other people show a summer-house. It was a little whitewashed chapel, -with flowers planted round it, which they used to tend as though they -already stood there in memory of them.</p> - -<p>In the house there was a superfluity of good things. After having -been half-starved in Alster here they found it difficult to avoid -gluttony, without vexing their host. Pheasants, hare, venison were -regular standing dishes which at last became a weariness. "This is our -punishment," he said, "because we complained of the manna; now we are -stuffed with quails like the murmuring Israelites so that it comes out -at our throats."</p> - -<p>A stillness like that of old age supervened; there was no need of -care or anxiety in this house where there were as many servants as -members of the family. It was easy to live with the old people, who had -outgrown special interests, views and passions, and the young pair, -who had their own rooms apart, only needed to appear at meal-times.</p> - -<p>The young wife was now altogether a mother, talked of and with the -unborn child as though she knew it well; she was mild and womanly, -humble and even thankful towards her husband, whose affections remained -unaltered though her shape was disfigured and her beauty faded.</p> - -<p>"How beautiful life is!" she said.</p> - -<p>"Yes it is; but how long will it last?"</p> - -<p>"Hush!"</p> - -<p>"I will be silent! But you know that happiness is punished."</p> - -<p>No one asked what he was working at; on the contrary all that he heard -was: "You should do nothing but take a thorough rest after your wild -rushing about."</p> - -<p>Accordingly he sent for some books which had been given him some years -previously by a rich man and which he had been obliged to send back -home. Then he began a series of systematic investigations, studied -and made notes. He felt a new life and fresh interests awaken; and -when he now found his former hypothesis and calculations verified by -synthesis and analysis he became certain that he was working by a sure -method, and in the right way. This gave him such confidence that he -felt justified in pursuing his investigations, but because he could -not explain their significance to the uninitiated, his position became -somewhat insecure. People had to take him on good faith; they did that -so long as peace prevailed, but at the first sign of antipathy he would -be helplessly exposed to the ridicule or contemptuous pity of the -bystanders.</p> - -<p>The grandfather was a cultivated man, and therefore curious to know -what was going on in the young pair's rooms. When he inquired, he -received evasive answers, but since he had been a magistrate and -barrister, he required definiteness. When he heard what the Norwegian's -investigations were concerned with, he confuted them with the authority -of the text books. In order to put an end to fruitless strife, his -young relative let him believe he was right. But the old man tried -to provoke him into contradiction, assumed a superior air and became -intrusive. He was allowed to be so for the present.</p> - -<p>"Nothing for nothing!" thought the Norwegian. His wife thanked him for -his yieldingness and admired his self-control. But discord was fated to -come, and it came.</p> - -<p>The lawsuit in Copenhagen about his book extended its operations here -also, and one day a court officer came to summon him to appear as -defendant in the court of the nearest town. Since he had from the -beginning challenged the jurisdiction of the Copenhagen court, because -as a Norwegian writer he was not responsible to a Danish court, on -account of a translation; and since he regarded the whole proceedings -as illegal, which indeed they were, he refused to appear. The old man -on the other hand insisted that he should do so, especially, perhaps, -because he did not like to see gendarmes coming to his house.</p> - -<p>To put an end to the matter, the Norwegian really resolved one morning -to go and present his challenge personally in court.</p> - -<p>He therefore went at eight o'clock and followed the beautiful walk -along the river. But about half-way he met the postman and received, -by paying cash on its delivery, a long-expected book. This book was -extremely expensive, and since he had no money, he had been obliged -to devise a plan in order to secure it. After thinking about it for -a month, he remembered that he had some valuables stowed away in a -box in an attic in Norway. He therefore wrote to a friend and asked -him to sell the things for a price equivalent to the purchase of the -expensive book, to change the money into notes and to send them in -an unregistered letter so that no one might know of it. He did this -because he felt he was stealing from his wife and family, but it had to -be done, as he wished to solve an important problem. As he now held the -long-desired means for doing so in his hand, he felt a lightning flash -in his soul, and turned home without thinking.</p> - -<p>"Now, I will finish the business," he said to himself; "the gendarmes -can come afterwards."</p> - -<p>As he entered the courtyard the old man stood there, cutting up a deer -which he had shot. The Norwegian sought to slip past him unperceived, -but did not succeed.</p> - -<p>"Have you already been to the judge?" asked the old man sceptically.</p> - -<p>"No," answered the Norwegian curtly, and hurried through the -house-door. He ran up the stairs to his room and bolted the door. Then -he sat down to study. After half an hour he said to himself: "Is the -greatest problem of modern times solved?" There was a knock at the -door, and then another hard and decided. He was obliged to open it in -order to get quiet.</p> - -<p>"Why don't you go to the judge?" asked the old man.</p> - -<p>"That's nothing to do with you," he answered and slammed the door to -with a sound like a shot.</p> - -<p>But now there was no more peace for him! He felt that a crisis had come -in his destiny, and he heard voices below. His hand trembled, he felt -as though paralysed and closed the book which contained what he sought. -At the same moment he lost confidence and dared not face what seemed a -contradictory proof of his theory.</p> - -<p>After some minutes his mother-in-law came. She was not angry, but found -it unpleasant to have to tell him that he and his wife must leave the -house at once, before dinner. They could have her little one-storied -cottage at the bottom of the garden and have their meals sent from the -house. His little wife appeared and danced with joy at the thought that -they would have a little house of their own, especially with a garden -and park round it.</p> - -<p>The change took place, and now in this cottage began the two happiest -months in the life of the married pair. Their cottage of grey stone, -with little iron-barred windows framed in sandstone, was quite idyllic. -It was built in convent style and covered with vine-creepers. The walls -of the rooms were painted white, without any hangings, and the low -ceilings were supported by thick beams black with age.</p> - -<p>He had a little room constructed like a real monk's cell, narrow and -long with a single small window at the end. The walls were so thick -that flower-pots could stand outside in front of the window, as well as -inside on the window-ledge. The furniture was old-fashioned and suited -its surroundings. Here he arranged his library, and never had he felt -so comfortable before.</p> - -<p>But now they had to prepare for the coming of the child. Husband and -wife painted the window-sills and doors. Roses and clematis were -planted before the cottage. The garden was dug up and sown. In order to -fill up the blank spaces of the great white walls, he painted pictures -on them. When all was ready they sat down and admired the work of their -hands. "It is splendid," they said; "and now we can receive the child. -Think how pleased it will be, to see so many pictures the first day!"</p> - -<p>They waited and hoped; during the long spring evenings they only -talked of him or her, guessed which it would be, discussed what name -it should have, and speculated on its future. His wife's thoughts for -the most part were occupied in wondering whether it would be fair and -resemble his boy, whom she loved. She and her family were especially -fond of fair people, whether because they resembled light, while the -dusky-complexioned reminded one of darkness, would be difficult to -say. They believed everything good of fair people and spoke ill of the -Jews, although the little wife's grandmother on the paternal side was a -Jewess; among her maternal relations who sprang from Schleswig-Holstein -peasantry the word "Jew" was used as a term of reproach. The -Norwegian's father-in-law was an anti-Semite but when he joked at the -paradox involved in this, his wife said: "You must not joke at it; we -will do that ourselves."</p> - -<p>At last one day in May as the sun rose, the coming of the unknown -traveller was heralded, and after twelve terrible hours it proved to be -a girl who at any rate was not dark-haired.</p> - -<p>This ought to have completed the idyll, but it seemed, on the contrary, -to put an end to it. The little one did not seem to thrive in this vale -of tears, but cried day and night. Nurses were engaged and nurses were -dismissed. Five women filled the house and each had different views as -to the rearing of the child. The father went about like a criminal and -was always in the way. His wife thought that he did not love the child -and this vexed her so much as to make her suffer. At the same time she -herself was completely transformed into a mother to the exclusion of -everything else. She had the child in her own bed, and could spend the -greater part of the night sitting on a chair absorbed in contemplation -of its beauty as it slept. Her husband had also to come sometimes and -join in her admiration, but he thought the mother most beautiful in -those moments when she forgot herself and gazed ecstatically at her -child with a happy smile.</p> - -<p>But a storm approached from without. The people of the neighbourhood -were superstitious, and the child's continual crying had given rise to -gossip. They began to ask whether it had been baptised.</p> - -<p>According to law the child should be baptised in the father's religion, -but since both he and the mother were indifferent in the matter, the -baptism was postponed as something of no importance, especially as -there was no Catholic priest in the neighbourhood.</p> - -<p>The child's crying was really not normal, and as the popular opinion of -the neighbourhood began to find expression, the grandmother came and -asked them to have it baptised. "People are murmuring," she said; "and -they have already threatened to stone your cottage."</p> - -<p>The young unbelievers did not credit this, but smiled. The murmurings, -however, increased; it was alleged that a peasant woman had seen the -devil in the garden, and that the foreign gentleman was an atheist. -There was some foundation for this report, for people who met the two -heretics on the roads turned away. At last there came an ultimatum -from the old man. "The child must receive Catholic baptism within -twenty-four hours or the family will be deported across the Belt."</p> - -<p>The Norwegian answered: "We Protestants are very tolerant in our -belief, but if it is made a financial matter, we can be as fanatical as -some Catholics." The position was serious, for the young pair had not -a penny for travelling expenses. His letter was answered with a simple -"Then go!"</p> - -<p>The Norwegian replied: "To be a martyr for a faith which one does not -possess is somewhat fantastic, and I did not expect that we should play -the Thirty Years War over again down here. But look out! The Norwegian -will come and take his daughter off with his baggage, for he is a -Norwegian subject."</p> - -<p>The grandees in the large house began to take a milder tone, but -consulted and devised a stratagem. The child was announced to be ill -and became worse every day. At last the grandmother came with her -retinue and told the father that the child could live no longer, but -he did not believe it. On his return from a long walk in the woods -the same day he was met by his wife with the news that the child had -received discretionary baptism at the hands of the midwife in the -presence of the doctor.</p> - -<p>"Into which faith has the child been baptised?" asked the father.</p> - -<p>"The Protestant, of course."</p> - -<p>"But I don't see how a Catholic midwife can give Protestant baptism." -But as he saw that his wife was privy to the plot, he said no more. The -next day the child was well, and there was no more talk of expelling -the family. The grandees had conquered. Jesuits!</p> - -<p>The child, which had been expected to unite the pair more closely to -each other, seemed to have come to separate them. The mother thought -the father cold towards the little one. "You don't love your child," -she said.</p> - -<p>"Yes I do, but as a father," he replied. "You should love her as a -mother. That is the difference."</p> - -<p>The fact was that he feared to attach himself too closely to the newly -born, for he felt that a separation from the mother was in the air, and -to be tied to her by means of the child he felt to be a fetter.</p> - -<p>She on her side did not know exactly how she wished to have it. If he -loved the child, it might happen that he would take it from her when he -went away; if he did not love it, he would simply go by himself. For -that he would go she felt sure. He had had a dramatic success at Paris -in the spring, and another play of his was announced for the autumn. He -therefore wished to go there, and so did she, but the child hindered -her movements, and if he went alone to Paris, she felt she would -never see him again. Many letters with French postmarks came for him -now, and these roused her curiosity, for he burnt them at once. This -last circumstance, which was quite contrary to his habit, aroused her -suspicion and hatred.</p> - -<p>"You are preparing for a journey?" she said one evening.</p> - -<p>"Yes, naturally," he answered. "I cannot live in this uncertainty; I -might be put out on the high road at any time."</p> - -<p>"You think of deserting us?"</p> - -<p>"I must leave you in order to do my business in Paris. A business -journey is not desertion."</p> - -<p>"Yes, then you can go," she said, betraying herself.</p> - -<p>"I shall go as soon as I get the money for which I am waiting."</p> - -<p>Now the Fury in her reappeared. First of all he had to move up into an -attic, and although she and the child had the use of two rooms, she -deliberately spoilt the remaining third room which was the dining-room -and contained specially good furniture. She tore down the curtains, -took away the pictures, choked up the room with child's clothes and -milk bottles with the sole purpose of showing him who was master in -the house. The rooms looked now as though demons had dwelt in them; -crockery, kitchen utensils, and children's clothes were strewn on the -beds and sofas.</p> - -<p>She dished up bad meals and the food was often burnt. One day she set -before him a plate of bones which the dogs seemed to have gnawed, and -a water bottle. This last was an expression of the greatest contempt, -for the cellars were full of beer, and no servant ever engaged himself -without stipulating that he should have beer at meals. Accordingly he -was reckoned beneath the men and maidservants. But he kept patient and -silent, for he knew that the journey money would arrive. This, however, -did not prevent his disgust rising to an equal height with her hatred.</p> - -<p>He lived now in dirt, destitution, and wretchedness; heard nothing -but scolding and shrieking between his wife and the nurse, his wife -and the maidservant, his wife and her mother, while the child cried -continually. He had an attack of fever and inflammation of the throat, -and lay on his bed in the attic. She did not believe that he was ill -and let him lie there. On the third day he sent for the doctor, for -he could not even drink water. Then his Fury appeared in the doorway. -"Have you sent for the doctor?" she asked. "Do you know what that -costs?"</p> - -<p>"Anyhow it will be cheaper than a funeral, and it may be diphtheria, -which is dangerous for the child."</p> - -<p>"Do you think of the child?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, a little."</p> - -<p>If she could now have dropped him into the sea, she would have done it. -But she treated him as though he had the plague. The child, her child, -was in danger!</p> - -<p>"I have experienced much," he said in a whisper, "but never have I seen -such intense malice in anyone." And he wept, perhaps for the first time -in twenty years; wept over her unworthiness, and perhaps also over his -fate and his humiliation. When he regarded his position objectively -it seemed monstrous that he, a distinguished man in his own line, -should, without fault of his own, lead such a wretched life that even -the maidservant pitied him. Since he had entered his relative's house, -his behaviour; had been unimpeachable. He did not even drink, if only -for the reason that there was nothing to drink. Since his arrival, his -plays had met with success, but instead of making him more respected, -as success generally does in the case of ordinary mortals, it only -tended to deepen hatred and studied contempt. The fact that he had -accepted hospitality from very rich relatives was not bound to weigh -heavily on his mind, for he was now legal heir to half the property. -But as hate now raged, he was told what his expenses were, and mention -was made of payment.</p> - -<p>Again the idea he had formerly had recurred to him, that there was -something more than natural in all this, and that an unseen hand was -controlling his destiny. The inexplicable non-arrival of the journey -money seemed especially designed to prolong his sufferings. When other -letters, which he looked for, did not come, he began to suspect that -his wife had a finger in the matter. He began to watch the mail-bag -which the postman brought, and to write to the post office; naturally, -the only result was further ignominy.</p> - -<p>Without having any definite belief, he found himself in a kind of -religious crisis. He felt how he sank in this environment where -everything hinged on the material and only the animal side of things -was prominent—food and excrement, nurses regarded as milch cows, cooks -and decaying vegetables; then endless discussions and the display of -physical necessities which are usually concealed. At the same time -excessively heavy rain had flooded a corridor and two rooms; the water -could not be drained off but stagnated and stank. The garden went to -ruin as no one looked after it.</p> - -<p>Then he longed that he could get far away, somewhere where there was -light and purity, peace, love, and reconciliation. He dreamed again -his old dream of a convent within whose walls he might be sheltered -from the world's temptations and filth, where he might forget and be -forgotten. But he lacked faith and the capacity for obedience.</p> - -<p>Literature at that period had been long haunted by this idea of a -convent. In Berlin the suggestion had been made to found a convent -without a creed for the "intellectuals." These at a time when -industrial and economical questions took the first place, were -uncomfortable in the dense atmosphere of a materialism which they -themselves had been seduced into preaching. He now wrote to a rich -friend of his in Paris regarding the founding of such a convent; drew -up a plan for the building, laid down rules, and went into details -regarding the coenobitic life and tasks of the convent brothers. This -was in August, 1894. The object proposed was the education of man to -superman through asceticism, meditation, and the practice of science, -literature, and art. Religion was not mentioned, for one did not know -what the religion of the future would be, or whether it would possess -one at all.</p> - -<p>His wife noticed that he was becoming separated from her, but -she believed that he was thinking of Paris with its vanities and -distractions, its theatres and cafés, gallant adventures and thirst -for gold. His possible plans excited her fear and envy. As regards -his historical studies, her supercilious smiling had ceased after he -had received words of encouragement from a great German and a famous -French authority, and naturally had been obliged to show their letters -in order to protect himself. Since she could no longer criticise his -ideas she carried the strife on to another ground and began to plague -him with insidious questions as to how much he earned by his historical -studies.</p> - -<p>When his wife was angry she went to the old people and narrated all the -small and great secrets which a married pair have between themselves; -she also repeated what he in moments of irritation had said about them. -She was sorry afterwards, but then it was too late. The spirit of -discord was aroused, and the storm could no longer be allayed.</p> - -<p>When he happened to have money and offered to contribute towards -domestic expenses, they were annoyed at his want of tact in wishing to -pay rich relatives for inviting him; when he had no money then they -uttered jeremiads over the dearness of everything and sent him the -doctor's bill. In a word, nothing could be done with such uncontrolled -and incorrigible people.</p> - -<p>He often thought of going on foot and seeking some fellow-countrymen -with whose help he might proceed farther. But every time he made the -attempt he turned back, as though he had been enchanted and spellbound, -to the little stream where the cottage stood. He had spent some happy -days there, and the memory of these held him fast. Moreover, he was -thankful for the past and felt love to the child, though he dared not -show it, for then the little one would have become a lime-twig to -fetter his wings.</p> - -<p>One day he had taken a longer walk than usual among the picturesque -flooded meadows where the deer sported; the pheasants shot out of the -bushes like rockets, their feathers shining with a metallic gleam; the -storks fished in the marsh and the loriots piped in the poplars. Here -he felt well, for it was a lonely landscape where no one ventured to -build a house for fear of the great floods.</p> - -<p>For three-quarters of a year he had come here alone every morning. He -did not even let his wife accompany him, for he wished to have this -landscape for himself, to see it exclusively with his eyes, and to hear -no one else's voice there. If he ever saw this horizon again, he did -not wish to be reminded of anyone else.</p> - -<p>Here, accordingly, he was accustomed to find himself again himself and -no one else. Here he obtained his great thoughts and here he held his -devotions. The incomprehensible events of the last weeks and his deep -suffering had caused him to change the word "destiny" for "Providence," -meaning thereby that a conscious personal Being guided his course. In -order to have a name, he now called himself a Providentialist—in other -words he believed in God without being able to define more distinctly -what he meant by that belief.</p> - -<p>To-day he felt a pang of melancholy shoot through him as though he -were saying farewell to these meadows and thickets. Something was -impending which he foreboded and feared.</p> - -<p>On coming home, he found the house empty; his wife and child were gone. -When he at last discovered the maidservant and asked where his wife -was, she answered impertinently: "She has gone away."</p> - -<p>"Where?"</p> - -<p>"To Odense."</p> - -<p>He did not know whether he believed it or not. But he found a great -charm in the silence and emptiness. He breathed unpoisoned air, enjoyed -the solitude, and went to his work with the imperturbable calm of a -Buddha. His travelling-bag was already packed, and the journey money -might come any day.</p> - -<p>The afternoon passed. As he looked out of the window, he noticed an -unusual stillness round the great house; none of the family were to be -seen. But a maidservant was going to and fro between the cottage and -the house as though she were giving information. Once she asked if he -wished for anything. "I wish for nothing," he answered. And that was -the truth, for his last wish to get out of all this misery had been -fulfilled without his having taken a step towards it. He ate his supper -alone and enjoyed it; then remained sitting at the table and smoked. -His mind accepted this fortunate equipoise of the scales, ready to sink -on whichever side it pleased. He guarded himself from forming any wish, -fearing lest his wish might be crossed.</p> - -<p>But he expected something. "If I know women rightly," he said to -himself, "she will not be able to sleep to-night without sending a -messenger to see whether the victim is suffering according to her -calculations."</p> - -<p>And sure enough his mother-in-law came. "Good evening," she said; "are -you sitting here alone, my son?"</p> - -<p>With the stoicism of an Indian before the fire which is to roast him, -he answered: "Yes, I am sitting alone."</p> - -<p>"And what are you thinking of doing now?"</p> - -<p>"Of going, naturally."</p> - -<p>"You seem to take this matter very quietly."</p> - -<p>"Why not?"</p> - -<p>"Maria intends to seek for a separation."</p> - -<p>"I can imagine it."</p> - -<p>"Then you don't love her."</p> - -<p>"You wish that I should love her in order that I may suffer more."</p> - -<p>"Can you suffer—you?"</p> - -<p>"You would be glad if I could."</p> - -<p>"When are you thinking of going?"</p> - -<p>"When I get the journey money."</p> - -<p>"You have said that so often."</p> - -<p>"You don't want to put me out on the high road to-night?"</p> - -<p>"Grandmother is much excited."</p> - -<p>"Then she should read her evening prayers attentively."</p> - -<p>"One doesn't get far with you."</p> - -<p>"No, why should I allow it?"</p> - -<p>"Good night." Then she went.</p> - -<p>He slept well and deeply as if after an event which he had long -expected.</p> - -<p>The next morning he woke up with the distinct idea: "She has not gone; -she is keeping somewhere in the neighbourhood."</p> - -<p>When he went out, he saw the maid getting into the ferry-boat with some -of the child's things.</p> - -<p>"Ha, ha," then he understood. She was waiting on the other side of the -stream. The maid came back soon, after he had watched her manoeuvres on -the other side through his opera-glass. "If I only keep quiet now," he -thought, "the imperialists are routed."</p> - -<p>His mother-in-law came and looked uneasy but yielding. "Well, now you -are alone my son and will never see her any more."</p> - -<p>"Is she then so far away?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>He laughed and looked over the water.</p> - -<p>"Well," said the old woman, "since you know it, go after her."</p> - -<p>"No, I won't do that."</p> - -<p>"But she won't come first."</p> - -<p>"First or last, it is all the same to me."</p> - -<p>The boat went to and fro with messages the whole day.</p> - -<p>In the afternoon his mother-in-law came again. "You must take the first -step," she said. "Maria is desperate and will be ill if you don't write -to her and ask her to come again."</p> - -<p>"How do you know that I want to have her again? A wife who remains a -night out of her house has forfeited her conjugal rights and injured -her husband's honour."</p> - -<p>This was an expected parry, and his mother-in-law beat a sudden -retreat. She crossed over in the ferry-boat and remained there till -evening.</p> - -<p>He was sitting in his room and writing when his wife entered with an -air as though she were sorry for his trouble and came in response to -his pressing call. He could have laid her prostrate but did not do so, -being magnanimous towards the conquered. When he had his wife and child -back in the house he found it just as good as when they were away, -perhaps even a little better.</p> - -<p>In the evening the journey money came. His position was now altered, -and he had the keys to the dungeon in his hand. At the same moment his -wife saw the matter from another point of view. "Do you know," she -said, "this life is killing me; I have not read a single book since the -child came, and I have not written an article for a year. I will go -with you to Paris."</p> - -<p>"Let me go in front," he said, "and spy out the land."</p> - -<p>"Then I shall never get away."</p> - -<p>He persuaded her to remain, without having formed any distinct purpose -of leaving her; he only longed to feel himself free for a time at any -rate.</p> - -<p>But she was now ready to leave her child, "the most important person -of all," as she called it, in order to come out into the world and -play a part there. She knew well that he was not going to seek an -uncertain fortune but to reap the fruits of a success which he had -already gained. The ambitious and independent woman again came into -view, perhaps also the envious rival, for she had moments in which -she regarded herself as an author, superior to him. That was when her -friends in a letter had called her a "genius"; this letter she left -lying about that it might be read.</p> - -<p>Fortunately it was not possible for her to travel just now, because her -parents held her back; she had to content herself with the fact that -he, who might be considered as expelled, was leaving her. She became -mild, emotional, and sensitive, so that the parting was really painful.</p> - -<p>So he went out into the world again. As the steamer in the beautiful -autumn evening worked its way up the river, he saw again the cottage, -whose windows were lit up. All the evil and ugliness he had seen there -was now obliterated; he hardly felt a fleeting joy at having escaped -this prison in which he had suffered so terribly. Only feelings of -gratitude and melancholy possessed him. For a moment the bond which -united him to wife and child drew him so strongly that he wanted -to throw himself into the water. But the steamer paddles made some -powerful forward strokes, the bond stretched itself, stretched itself, -and broke!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"That was an infernal story," exclaimed the postmaster when the reading -was over. "What can one say about it, except what you yourself have -said in it? But do you think, generally speaking, that marriage will -continue to exist?"</p> - -<p>"Although I regard wife, child and home as desirable objects," answered -the doctor, "I do not think lifelong marriages will be long possible" -for in our days the individual—man or woman—is too egotistic and -desirous of independence. You see yourself the direction which social -evolution is taking. We hear of nothing but discontent and divorce. -I grant that conjugal life demands consideration and yieldingness, -but to live suppressing one's innermost wishes in an atmosphere of -contradiction and contrariety, can only end in producing Furies. You -have been married?"</p> - -<p>The question came somewhat suddenly and the answer was only given with -hesitation: "Yes, I have been married but am not a widower."</p> - -<p>"Divorced then?"</p> - -<p>"Yes! and you?"</p> - -<p>"Divorced."</p> - -<p>"If anyone asked us why, neither you nor I could give a reason."</p> - -<p>"A reason—no. I only know that if we had continued to live together, -I should have ended as a homicide, and she as a murderess. Isn't that -enough?"</p> - -<p>"Quite enough."</p> - -<p>And they took their supper.</p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h3><a name="HERR_BENGTS_WIFE" id="HERR_BENGTS_WIFE">HERR BENGT'S WIFE</a></h3> - - -<p>"What is love? Desire, of course," the young Count answered his old -preceptor, as they both sat below in the cabin and beguiled the time by -talking while waiting off Elfsnabben for a favourable wind for their -journey to the University of Prague.</p> - -<p>"No, young sir," answered Magister Franciscus Olai. "Love is something -quite different and something more, which neither high theology nor -deep philosophy have been able to express. Our over-wise time believes -too little, but that is because our fathers believed too much. I was -present at the beginning of this period, young sir; I helped to pull -down old venerable buildings, ancient, decayed temples of pride and -selfishness; I tore pages out of the holy books and pictures from the -walls of the churches; I was present, young sir, and helped to shut -up the convents, and to announce the abolition of the old faith, but, -sir, there are things which all-powerful Nature herself has founded, -and which we had better not attempt to pull down. I wish to speak now -of Amor or Love, whose fire burns unquenchably when it is rightly -bestowed, but when wrongly, can soon be quenched, or even turn to hate -when things go quite wrong."</p> - -<p>"When then is it rightly bestowed? It cannot be so very often," -answered the Count, settling himself more comfortably on the couch.</p> - -<p>"Often or not, love is like a flash from heaven when it comes, and -then it surpasses all our will and all our understanding, but it is -different with different people, whether it lasts or not. For in this -respect men are born with different dispositions and characters, like -birds or other creatures. Some are like the wood grouse and black cock -who must have a whole seraglio like the grand Turk; why it is so we -know not, but it is so, and that is their nature. Others are like the -small birds which take a mate for each year and then change. Others -again are amiable like doves and build their nests together for life, -and when one of them dies, the other no longer desires to live."</p> - -<p>"Have you seen any human beings corresponding to doves?" asked the -Count doubtfully.</p> - -<p>"I have seen many, dear sir. I have seen wood cocks who have paired -with doves, and the doves have been very unhappy; I have seen male -doves who have wedded a cuckoo, and the cuckoo is the worst of all -birds, for it likes the pleasure of love, but not the trouble of -children, and therefore turns its children out of the nest; but I have -also seen wedded doves, sir."</p> - -<p>"Who never pecked each other?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I have seen them peck when the nest was narrow, and there was -trouble about food, but still they were good friends, and that is love. -There is also a sea-bird called 'svärt,' sir, which always flies in -pairs. If you shoot one, the other descends and lets itself be shot -too, and therefore the 'svärt' is called the stupidest of all birds."</p> - -<p>"That is in the pairing time, venerable preceptor."</p> - -<p>"No, young sir, they keep together the whole year round and their -pairing time is in spring. In the winter when they have no young ones -with them, but are alone, they eat together, hunt together, and sleep -together. That is not desire, but love, and if this charming feeling -can exist among soulless creatures, why can it not among men?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I have heard of its being found among men, but that it departs -after marriage."</p> - -<p>"That is mere sensual pleasure, which partly goes, but then love comes."</p> - -<p>"That is only friendship when there is any."</p> - -<p>"Quite right, noble sir, but friendship between those of opposite -sex is just love. But there are so many things and so many sides to -everything. If you like, I will relate a story which I have seen -myself, and from which you may learn something or other. It happened -in my youth, forty years ago, but I remember every detail as though it -happened yesterday. Shall I relate it?"</p> - -<p>"Certainly, preceptor. Time goes slowly when one waits for a favourable -wind. But bring a light and wine before you begin, for I think your -story will not keep one awake."</p> - -<p>"Very likely not you, sir, but it has kept me awake many nights," -answered Franciscus, and went to fetch what was required. When he had -returned and they sat down again on their berths, he began as follows:</p> - -<p>"This is the story of Herr Bengt's wife. She was born of noble -parentage at the beginning of this century. She was strictly brought -up, and, when her parents died, her guardian placed her in a convent. -There she distinguished herself by her intense religious zeal; she -scourged herself on Fridays and fasted on all the greater saint's -days. When she reached the age of puberty, her condition became more -serious, and she actually attempted to starve herself to death, -believing it consistent with the duty of a Christian to kill the flesh -and to live with God in Christ. Then two circumstances contributed to -bring about a crisis in her life. Her guardian fled the country after -having squandered her property, and the convent authorities changed -their behaviour towards her, for it was a worldly institution which did -not at all open its gates for the poor and wretched. When she saw that, -she began to be assailed by doubts. Doubt was the disease of that time -and she had a strong attack of it. Her fellow-nuns believed nothing and -her superiors not much.</p> - -<p>"One day she was sent from the convent to visit a sick person. On the -way, a beautiful lonely forest path, she met a Knight, young, strong, -and handsome. She stood and stared at him as though he had been a -vision; he was the first man she had seen for five years, and the first -man she had seen since she was a woman. He stopped his horse for a -moment, greeted her, and rode on. After that day she was tired of the -convent, and life enticed her. Life with its beauty and attraction drew -her away from Christ; she had attacks of temptation and outbreaks, -and had to spend most of her time in the punishment cell. One day she -received a letter smuggled in by the gardener. It was from the Knight. -He lived on the other side of the lake and she could see his castle -from the window of the cell. The correspondence continued. Faint -rumours began to be circulated that a great change in ecclesiastical -affairs was about to take place and that even the convents were about -to be abolished and the nuns released from their vows.</p> - -<p>"Then hope awoke in her, but at the same time that she learnt that one -could be released from vows, she lost faith in the sanctity of the vow -itself, and at one stroke all restraint gave way. She believed now -rather in the everlasting rights of her instincts in the face of all -social and ecclesiastical laws!</p> - -<p>"At last she was betrayed by a false friend, and the discovery of the -correspondence led to her being condemned to corporal punishment. But -Fate had ordered otherwise, and on the day that the punishment was to -be carried out a messenger came from the King and estates of the realm -with the command that the convent was to be closed. The messenger was -no other than the Knight. He opened for her the doors of the convent in -order to offer her freedom and his hand. That closed the first part of -her career."</p> - -<p>"The first?" remarked the Count, as he lifted the jar of Rhine wine. -"Isn't the story over? They were married."</p> - -<p>"No, sir. That is how stories usually end, but the real beginning is -just there. And I remember the day after the marriage. I had married -them and was her domestic chaplain. The breakfast-table was laid and -she came out of her room, beaming as though the whole earth danced on -her account, and the sun was only set in the sky to give them light. -He was full of courage and felt capable of bearing the whole world on -his shoulders. All his thoughts were intent on making life as kind and -beautiful for her as he could; and she was so happy that she could -neither eat nor drink; she wished only to forget, the existence of the -sinful earth. Well! she had her fancies, springing from the old time -when heaven was all, and earth was nothing; he was a child of the new -age who knew that one must live on earth in order to be able to enter -heaven afterwards."</p> - -<p>"And so things came to a crisis?" interrupted the Count.</p> - -<p>"They came to a crisis, as you say. I remember how he ate at the -breakfast-table like a hungry man, and she only sat and watched him; -but when she talked of birds' songs he talked of roast veal. Then he -noticed how she had thrown her clothes the evening before on a chair in -the dining-room, and reminded her that one must be orderly in a house."</p> - -<p>"Then of course there was hell in the house."</p> - -<p>"No, it was not so dangerous as that. But it brought a cloud over her -sun, and she felt that a breach was opened between them. Still she shut -her eyes in order not to see it, as one does when near a precipice. -Then the sky clouded over again. He had secret, melancholy thoughts -for his harvest-sheaves were on the field, and he knew that his income -depended on them. He wished to take her out to see them, but she begged -him to stay at home and not to talk of earth on that day."</p> - -<p>"Earth! What an idiot!"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes! She was brought up like that; it was the fault of the -convent which had taught her to despise God's creation. So her husband -remained with her, and proposed that they should go hunting; she -accepted the proposal with joy."</p> - -<p>"A proposal to kill! That was nice!"</p> - -<p>"Yes, according to the views of the period, sir; every period has -its own views. But the sky clouded over once more, for this day was -not a lucky one for the young Knight. The King's bailiff called and -desired a special interview with him. The interview was granted and -the Knight was informed that he would lose his rank as a noble if he -did not supply the quota of arms due from him as the King's vassal, -which he had neglected to do for five years. The Knight had no means of -meeting this demand but the bailiff offered to procure him an advance -in money in exchange for a mortgage on his estate. So the matter was -arranged. But then the question arose how far he should take his wife -into his confidence with regard to this matter. He summoned me in order -to hear my advice. I thought it was a pity that the young wife should -be torn so suddenly out of her dreams of happiness and joy, and I was -short-sighted enough to advise that she should not be told the real -state of affairs till the first year was over."</p> - -<p>"In that you were right! Why should women mix in business? It would -only lead to trouble and confusion and their poor husbands would never -have peace."</p> - -<p>"No, sir, I was wrong, for in a true marriage husband and wife should -have full confidence in each other and be one. And what was the result -in this case? During the year they grew apart from one another. She -lived in her rose-garden and he in the fields; he had secrets concealed -from her and worked desperately without having her as his adviser; -he lived his own life apart and she, hers. When they met, he had to -pretend to be cheerful, and so their whole life became false. Finally -he became tired and withdrew into himself and so did she."</p> - -<p>"And so it was all over with their love."</p> - -<p>"No, sir; it might have been so, but true love goes through worse fires -than these. They loved each other still and that was destined to be -proved by the tests which they were to pass through.</p> - -<p>"Her child came, and with it commenced a new stage of their life -journey. She needed her husband less now for her time was occupied -by looking after the child, and her husband felt freer, for so many -claims were not made on his tenderness as before. She threw herself -heart and soul into the new occupations which absorbed her; she watched -through the nights and toiled through the days and would never give up -the child to a nurse The contact with reality and the little affairs -of life seemed at first to have an intoxicating effect upon her empty -soul and she began to find a certain satisfaction in talking with her -husband about his fields and their cultivation. But this could not -last long. Education lies behind us like the seeds of weeds which may -remain in the ground for a year or two, but which only need proper -cultivation in order to spring up again. One day she looked in the -glass and found that she had become pale, thin, and ugly. She saw that -the bloom of her youth was past, and her charms decayed. Then the woman -awoke in her or rather one side of the mysterious being which is called -a woman: and then came the longing to be beautiful, to please, to feel -herself ruling through her beauty. She was now no longer so eagerly -occupied with the child as before, and she began to spend more care -on her own person. Her husband saw this change with joy, for strange -to say although he had at first been glad to observe her desperate -zeal about the child and the house, yet when he saw his heart's queen -dressed negligently, and marked how pale and wretched she looked, it -cut him to the heart. He wished to have back again the charming fairy -who had waited with longing at the window for his return home, and at -whose feet he wished to worship. So strange is man's heart, and so much -leaven does it still retain from the old times of chivalry when woman -was regarded as a Madonna.</p> - -<p>"But now came something else. During the first period of her -confinement he had become a little tired and careless in his habits; he -came and went with his hat on, ate his meals at a corner of the table, -and took no pains about his dress. And when his wife began to return -to the ways of everyday life he forgot to follow her, and to alter his -habits. His wife, who was still somewhat sickly, thought she saw in the -relaxing of these courtesies a want of love, and an unfortunate chance -afforded her an apparent proof that he was tired of her.</p> - -<p>"It was an unlucky day! The year was approaching its end when the chief -payments would be made. The harvest promised to be bountiful but its -overplus could not cover everything. The Knight had to find other means -of raising money, and he found them. He ordered some fine timber-trees -round the courtyard to be cut down, but in so doing, they came too near -the house, so that his wife's favourite lime-tree was also cut down. -The Knight did not know that she had a special liking for it, and the -act was quite unintentional. His wife had been ill for a week or two, -and when she came into the dining-room she saw that the lime-tree had -disappeared; she at once believed that it had been cut down to annoy -her. She also noticed that her rose-bushes had withered, for no one -had had time to think of such trifles amid all the bustle of bringing -in the harvest. This seemed to her another act of unkindness and she -sent all the available horses and oxen to fetch water.</p> - -<p>"Now there intervened a new circumstance to hasten the coming -misfortune. The bailiff had come to the castle to wait for the bringing -in of the harvest, and had an interview with the Knight's wife just -after she had made the two above-mentioned discoveries. They found -that they had known each other as children, and a confidential chat -followed, which afforded her some amusement. She liked her visitor's -rustic but courteous manners, and the comparison she made between his -politeness and her husband's boorishness, was not to the advantage -of the latter. She forgot that her husband could be as polite as the -bailiff when paying a formal visit, and that the bailiff could be as -brusque as he in everyday business.</p> - -<p>"Thus everything was in train for what should happen when her husband -came home. The bailiff had gone and left her alone with her thoughts. -When her husband came in, he was cheerful, being pleased to see his -wife up again, and because the continued dry weather was good for -the harvest, which was all now ready cut and could be brought in in -a single day. But his wife, depressed by her thoughts, felt annoyed -by his cheerfulness, and now the shots went off, one after the other. -She asked about her lime-tree, and he said he had cut it down because -he required timber; she then asked why he must cut down 'just' the -lime-tree which shaded her window; he answered that he had not cut down -just that one, but all of them together.</p> - -<p>"Then she began about the rose-bushes. He replied that he had never -promised to water them. She, having no answer to this, discovered that -he was wearing greased boots, and immediately remarked upon it. He -acknowledged his inadvertence and was about to repair it on the spot by -drawing them off, but she became furious at such an act of discourtesy. -Hard words passed between them and she declared that he loved her no -more. Then the Knight answered somewhat in this way: 'I don't love -you, you say, because I work for you and don't sit and gossip by -your embroidery frame; I don't love you because I am hungry through -neglecting food; I don't love you because I don't change my boots when -I come for a minute into the room. I don't love you, you say! Oh, if -you only knew how much I loved you!'</p> - -<p>"To this his wife replied: 'before we married you loved me and at the -same time gossiped by my embroidery frame, took off your boots when you -came in, and showed me politeness. What has happened then, to make you -change your behaviour?'</p> - -<p>"Her husband answered: 'We are married now.' His wife thought he meant -that marriage had given him a proprietary right over her, and that he -wished to show this by his free-and-easy demeanour, but this last was -simply due to his unshakeable trust in her vow to love him through joy -and sorrow, and in her forbearance, if, in order to avoid loss of time, -he dropped a number of little empty ceremonies. He was on the point of -telling her that it was in order to stave off ruin that he worked in -the fields, thought only of crops, tramped in the mud, and brought dirt -into the house, but he kept silence, for he thought that in her weak -state, she could not bear the shock, and he knew that in twenty-four -hours all danger would be passed and the house would be saved. He -asked her to forgive him, and they forgave one another, and spoke -gently together again. But then came a shock! The steward rushed in and -announced that a storm was approaching. The Knight's wife was glad that -the roses would get rain, but he was not. It seemed to him like the -finger of God, and he told his wife everything but bade her at the same -time be of good courage. He then gave orders that all the oxen should -be yoked and the harvest brought in at once. He was told that they had -been sent to fetch water. Who had sent them? 'I did,' answered his -wife. 'I wanted water for my flowers, which you allowed to be dried up, -while I was ill.'</p> - -<p>"'Aren't you ashamed to say you did?' asked the Knight.</p> - -<p>"She answered: 'You plume yourself on having deceived me for a whole -year. I have no need to be ashamed of telling the truth, since I have -committed no fault, but only met with a misfortune.' Then he became -furious, went to her with upraised hand, and struck her."</p> - -<p>"And served her devilish right!" said the Count.</p> - -<p>"Fie! Fie! young sir! To strike a weak woman!"</p> - -<p>"Why should one not strike a woman, when one strikes children?"</p> - -<p>"Because woman is weaker, sir."</p> - -<p>"Another reason! One cannot get at the stronger, and one must not -strike the weaker: Whom shall one strike then?"</p> - -<p>"One should not strike at all, my friend. Fie! Fie! What sentiments -you utter, and you wish to be a soldier!"</p> - -<p>"Yes! What happens in war? The stronger strikes and the weaker is -struck. Isn't that logic?"</p> - -<p>"It may be logic, but it is not morality. But do you want to hear the -continuation?"</p> - -<p>"Wasn't it over then, with their love at any rate?"</p> - -<p>"No, sir! not by a long way! Love does not depart so easily. Well! -she believed now just as you do, that it was all over with love, and -she asked the bailiff, who came in just then, to make an appeal for -separation in her name to the King."</p> - -<p>"And she wanted to leave her child?"</p> - -<p>"No, she thought she could take it with her. Her pride was wounded to -the quick, and she felt crushed under the ruins of her beautiful castle -in the air."</p> - -<p>"And her husband?"</p> - -<p>"He was pulverised! His dream of wedded love was over, and he was -ruined besides, for the rainstorm had carried away and destroyed the -whole of his harvest. And when he saw that it was she whom he loved who -was the cause of his misfortune he felt resentment in his heart against -her, but he loved her still? when his anger had been allayed."</p> - -<p>"Still?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, sir, for love does not ask why. It only knows that it is so. The -Knight was ruined, and left his house to look after itself while he -rode about in the woods and fields. His wife, on the contrary, awoke to -a life of energy and diligence and took in hand the whole management -of the house; necessity made the little, tender being who never had -worked, strong; she sewed clothes for herself and the children; she -made payments and looked after the servants, and this last was not -the easiest, for the latter had grown accustomed to regard the little -spoilt lady as only a guest, but she took hold of affairs with an -energetic hand and kept them in order. When money was insufficient she -pawned her jewels, and by that means paid wages and cleared off debts. -One day when the Knight awoke to reflection and came home anxiously to -look after the condition of affairs which he regarded as hopeless, he -found everything in proper order. When he made inquiries, he was told -that his wife had saved everything. Then remorse and shame awoke in -him and he went to ask her on his knees to forgive him for not having -understood and valued her. She forgave him and declared that she had -not formerly deserved to be more highly valued, since she did not -then possess the qualities which she afterwards acquired. They were -reconciled as friends, but she declared that her love was dead, and -that she did not intend to be his wife for the future.</p> - -<p>"Their conversation was interrupted by the bailiff, who during this -time had lived in the house and helped the wife by his advice and -service. Her husband felt himself put aside and his place occupied by -another; jealousy raged in him, and he forbade his wife to receive -a stranger in her rooms. His wife thereupon declared that she would -visit the bailiff in his rooms but her husband reminded her that he had -rights over her person, since she was still his wife according to the -law. But she had that day received by post the decree of separation -and told him that she was free and could go where she liked. Then when -he saw that it was all over, he collapsed and begged her on his knees -to remain. When she saw the proud Knight crawling on the ground like -a slave she lost the last remnants of respect for him, and when she -remembered how once in her weakness and misery, she had looked up to -him as the one who could carry her in his arms over thorns and stones, -she wished to fly from this spectacle. Being no more able to find in -him, what he had once been to her, she simply went away."</p> - -<p>"Well now," interrupted the Count, who began to be bored, "it really -was over."</p> - -<p>"No, no, young sir, it only looked so, but was not. But here I must -make a confession. I saw everything with my own eyes, sir, for I was -her friend and honoured her in my heart. How foolish I was, I will -also confess. We of the old school, who were brought up at the end of -the age of chivalry, had learnt to see in woman a creature above the -ordinary level of humanity; we revered the outward part, and that which -was beautiful and useless; in our ideas that which pleased the eye took -the first place. You can well imagine that I, though a seeker of the -truth, was so misled by these old ideas, that I thought she was sinking -just when she showed the greatest energy and courage. Yes, on the very -day that the decree of separation came, I had a conversation with her -which I can remember as clearly as though I had written it down. I -said: 'If you knew how idolatrously high you once stood in my sight. -And I saw the angel let her white wings fall, I saw the fairy lose her -golden shoe. I saw you the morning after the marriage when you rode on -your white horse through the wood, it carried you so lightly over the -damp grass and lifted you so high over the mud of the marsh without a -spot coming on your silver-bright clothing. For a moment I thought as -I stood behind a tree; "Suppose she fell!" and my thought turned into a -vision. I saw you sink in the mire; the black water spirited over you; -your yellow hair lay like sunshine over the white blossoms of the bog -of myrtle; you sank and sank till I only saw your little hand; then I -heard a falcon scream up in the air and mount up on its wrings till it -was lost in the clouds.' But then she answered me so well. 'You said -once long ago that reality with all its dirt and sordidness was given -us by God, and that we should not curse it, but take it as it is. Very -well! But now you hint that I have sunk because I am on the way to -reconcile myself with this life; I have changed the garment of the rich -for that of the poor, since I am poor; I lost my youth when I obeyed -the law of nature and became a mother; the beauty of my hands is spoilt -by sewing, my eyes are dim with care, the burden of life presses me to -the earth but my soul mounts—mounts like the falcon towards the sky -and freedom, while my earthly body sinks in the mud amid evil-smelling -weeds.'</p> - -<p>"Then I asked if she really believed she could keep the soul above -while the body sank, and she answered 'No!' This was because she, like -myself, had the delusion that something sank. The body, however, -did not sink through work; on the contrary, it was hardened and -strengthened; it improved and mounted but did not sink. However, -we were both so foolish that we both imagined it did, having been -indoctrinated with this view from our youth upwards. We considered -white hands, though they might be weak and sickly as more beautiful -than those which were hardened and embrowned by toil. So perverse were -people's ideas in my youth, sir, and so they are still, here and there. -But in my perversity I went farther and advised her to commit a crime 6 -Loose the falcon and let it mount, I said.'</p> - -<p>"'I have already thought of that,' she answered, understanding my -thought, 'but the chain is strong.'</p> - -<p>"'I have the key to it,' I replied.</p> - -<p>"She asked me to give it her, and received from me a bottle of poison.</p> - -<p>"Now I return to the story where I left it off. It was where she had -left her husband's room to seek the bailiff in the upper story. When -she came there she had to wait, for the bailiff had visitors. She also -received a lesson, for none of her married friends would greet her, -because she had dissolved her marriage. One of these friends had been -unfaithful to her husband and had a lover but she thought herself -too good to take Frau Margit's hand. What is one to say to that? At -that time it was considered one of the greatest crimes to dissolve a -marriage, but now, thank Heaven! our ideas have changed. She came, as -I have said, to the bailiff to ask his advice as she had done all the -time when difficulties arose.</p> - -<p>"Did she love him? Probably not; but the heart is never so likely to -deceive itself as in such cases. She imagined that she did, because she -thought she had lost her husband and by birth and upbringing she was -not adapted to stand alone.</p> - -<p>"But the bailiff was another sort of man. He was like one of those -birds with a seraglio which I spoke of, and if he had not been so -cowardly, he would have already enticed the Knight's wife. But he did -not do it, for he saw that this fruit would drop when it was ripe -enough. Therefore he waited. But he had another characteristic; he was -as vain as a cock in a hen-house, and thought that he was a terrible -fellow whom no woman could resist. So when he overheard Frau Margit -say that she intended visiting him in his room, he believed that the -time had come, and made elaborate preparations to receive her. She came -quite unsuspiciously, for she trusted his friendship and devotion to -her interests. She wished to speak of the serious prospect which lay -before her; he spoke of his love and she did not wish to listen. She -was legally free but still felt herself bound. The might of memory -held her and perhaps the old love had a word to say in the matter. The -bailiff became bolder and begged for her love on his knees. Then she -despised him. His vanity was wounded, he forgot himself, threw the mask -aside, and wished to use force. I came accidentally there and was able -to give him the <i>coup de grâce</i> by telling Frau Margit that he was -engaged to be married. There was nothing left for him but to withdraw.</p> - -<p>"But she had already, when her last hope collapsed and her last dream -vanished, used the key to open the gate of eternity; I who knew that -the poison required an hour to produce its effect, used the opportunity -to speak to her, as one speaks to the dying. Ah! certainly the love of -mortals for this wretched life is great, and at such moments the human -soul is turned upside down; what lies at the bottom comes uppermost, -old memories revive; old beliefs, however absurd and however rightly -they may have been rejected, arise again, and I woke up in her the old -ideas of duty, foolish perhaps, but necessary now. I brought her so -far that she wished to live and commence again a life of renunciation -and reflection in the convent. But since the convent no longer existed -I persuaded her to be willing to exchange it for the imprisonment -of home, where there is plenty of opportunity for penance in mutual -self-denial, for devotion in the fulfilment of duties and in obedience. -She fought against her pride and regretted her surrender, she raged -against life, which had deceived her, and against men who had lied and -said that life was a pleasure-garden. In this matter I agreed with her, -for the unhappiness in most marriages arises from the fact that people -persuade the married pair that they will find absolute happiness in -marriage, whereas happiness is not to be found in life at all.</p> - -<p>"She was frantic, but an accident came to my aid. Her child, whose room -was underneath us, began to cry. She was shaken to her depths, and -said that she was willing to live for her child's sake, in order to -teach it that life is not what people describe it to be. She did not -wish to leave it to the same fate which she had escaped. She did not -speak of her husband; whether she thought of him or not, I cannot say. -I who had given her the poison, knew where the antidote was; but as I -still wished to keep her in fear, I gave her less hope than I myself -possessed.</p> - -<p>"I went away, and when I returned, I found her in her husband's arms. -He had found her on the stairs, where she had fallen down in a swoon. -All was forgiven and all was forgotten. You think that strange? But -have you not forgiven your mother although she chastised you, and -does not your mother love you, although you have deceived her, and -caused her grief and anxiety. This last agitation had convulsed her -soul so that the old love lay uppermost like a clear pearl, which has -been fished up from the miry bottom of the sea where it lay hidden -in a dirty mollusc. But she still struggled with her pride and said -she would not love him, although she did love him. I never forget his -answer, which contains the whole riddle, 'You did not wish to love me, -Margit,' he said, 'for your pride forbade it, but you love me still. -You love me, although I raised my hand against you, and although I -was shamefully cowardly when the trouble came. I wished to hate you -when you left me; I wished to kill you, because you were willing to -sacrifice your child, and still I love you. Do you not now believe in -the power of love over our evil wills?'</p> - -<p>"So he said; and I say now like the fabulist: this fable teaches that -love is a great power which passes all understanding and against which -our wills can do nothing. Love bears all things, gives up all things, -and of faith, hope, and love, sir, love is the greatest."</p> - -<p>"Well, how did they go on afterwards?" asked the Count.</p> - -<p>"I was no longer with them."</p> - -<p>"They probably continued to quarrel."</p> - -<p>"I know that they have disagreements sometimes, for these must happen -when there are different opinions, but I know also that neither wishes -to domineer over the other. They go their way, making less demands on -life than before and therefore they are as happy as one can be when -one takes life as it is. That was what the old period with its claim -of being able to make a heaven on earth could not do, but what the new -period has learnt."</p> - - -<h4>THE END</h4> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Fair Haven and Foul Strand, by August Strindberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - -***** This file should be named 44129-h.htm or 44129-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/1/2/44129/ - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Fair Haven and Foul Strand - -Author: August Strindberg - -Release Date: November 8, 2013 [EBook #44129] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - - - - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - - - - -FAIR HAVEN - -AND - -FOUL STRAND - -BY - -AUGUST STRINDBERG - -NEW YORK - -MCBRIDE, NAST & COMPANY - -MCMXIV - - - - -CONTENTS - -FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND -THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY -THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY -HERR BENGT'S WIFE - - - - -FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND - - -The quarantine doctor was a man of five-and-sixty, well-preserved, -short, slim and elastic, with a military bearing which recalled the -fact that he had served in the Army Medical Corps. From birth he -belonged to the eccentrics who feel uncomfortable in life and are never -at home in it. Born in a mining district, of well-to-do but stern -parents, he had no pleasant recollections of his childhood. His father -and mother never spoke kindly, even when there was occasion to do so, -but always harshly, with or without cause. His mother was one of those -strange characters who get angry about nothing. Her anger arose without -visible cause, so that her son sometimes thought she was not right in -her head, and sometimes that she was deaf and could not hear properly, -for occasionally her response to an act of kindness was a box on the -ears. Therefore the boy became mistrustful towards people in general, -for the only natural bond which should have united him to humanity -with tenderness, was broken, and everything in life assumed a hostile -appearance. Accordingly, though he did not show it, he was always in a -posture of defence. - -At school he had friends, but since he did not know how sincerely -he wished them well, he became submissive, and made all kinds of -concessions in order to preserve his faith in real friendship. By so -doing he let his friends encroach so much that they oppressed him and -began to tyrannise over him. When matters came to this point, he went -his own way without giving any explanations. But he soon found a new -friend with whom the same story was repeated from beginning to end. The -result was that later in life he only sought for acquaintances, and -grew accustomed to rely only upon himself. When he was confirmed, and -felt mature and responsible through being declared ecclesiastically of -age, an event happened which proved a turning-point in his life. He -came home too late for a meal and his mother received him with a shower -of blows from a stick. Without thinking, the young man raised his hand, -and gave her a box on the ear. For a moment mother and son confronted -each other, he expecting the roof to fall in or that he would be struck -dead in some miraculous way. But nothing happened. His mother went -out as though nothing had occurred, and behaved afterwards as though -nothing unusual had taken place between them. - -Later on in life when this affair recurred to his memory, he wondered -what must have passed through her mind. She had cast one look to the -ceiling as though she sought there for something--an invisible hand -perhaps, or had she resigned herself to it, because she had at last -seen that it was a well-deserved retribution, and therefore not called -him to account? It was strange, that in spite of desperate efforts to -produce pangs of conscience, he never felt any self-reproach on the -subject. It seemed to have happened without his will, and as though it -must happen. - -Nevertheless, it marked a boundary-line in his life. The cord was cut -and he fell out in life alone, away from his mother and domesticity. He -felt as though he had been born without father and mother. Both seemed -to him strangers whom he would have found it most natural to call Mr -and Mrs So-and-so. At the University he at once noticed the difference -between his lot and that of his companions. They had parents, brothers, -and sisters; there was an order and succession in their life. They had -relations to their fellow-men and obeyed secret social laws. They felt -instinctively that he did not belong to their fold. - -When as a young doctor he acted on behalf of an army medical officer -for some time, he felt at once that he was not in his proper place, and -so did the officers. The silent resistance which he offered from the -first to their imperiousness and arbitrary ways marked him out as a -dissatisfied critic, and he was left to himself. - -In the hospital it was the same. Here he perceived at once the fateful -predestination of social election, those who were called and those who -were not called. It seemed as though the authorities could discern -by scent those who were congenial to them. And so it was everywhere. -He started a practice as a ladies' doctor, but had no luck, for he -demanded straightforward answers to his questions, and those he never -received. Then he became impatient, and was considered brutal. He -became a Government sanitary officer in a remote part of the country, -and since he was now independent of his patients' favour, he troubled -himself still less about pleasing them. Presently he was transferred to -the quarantine service, and was finally stationed at Skamsund. - -When he had come here, now seventeen years ago, he at once began to -be at variance with the pilots, who, as the only authorities on the -island, indulged themselves in many acts of arbitrariness towards the -inhabitants. The quarantine doctor loved peace and quietness like other -men, but he had early learnt that warfare is necessary; and that it -is no use simply to be passive as regards one's rights, but that one -must defend them every day and every hour of the day. Since he was a -new-comer they tried to curtail his authority and deprive him of his -small privileges. The chief pilot had a prescriptive right to half -the land, but the quarantine doctor had in his bay a small promontory -where the pilots used to moor their private boats and store their -fishing implements. The doctor first ascertained his legal rights in -the matter, and when he found out that he had the sole right of using -the promontory and that the pilots could store their fishing-tackle -elsewhere, he went to the chief pilot and gave them a friendly -notice to quit. When he saw that mere politeness was of no avail, he -took stronger measures, had the place cleared and fenced off by his -servants, turned it into a garden, and erected a simple pavilion in -it. The pilots hailed petitions on the Government, but the matter was -decided in his favour. The result was a lifelong enmity between him and -the pilots. The quarantine doctor was shut in on his promontory and -himself placed in quarantine. There he had now remained for seventeen -years, but not in peace, for there was always strife. Either his dog -fought with the pilots' dog, or their fowls came into his garden, or -they ran their boats ashore on each other's ground. Thus he was kept in -a continual state of anger and excitement, and even if there ever was -quiet for a moment outside the house, inside there was the housekeeper. -They had quarrelled for seventeen years, and once every week she had -packed her things in order to go. She was a tyrant and insisted that -her master should have sugar in all his sauces, even with fresh cod. -During all the seventeen years she had not learnt how to boil an egg -but wished the doctor to learn to eat half-raw eggs, which he hated. -Sometimes he got tired of quarrelling, and then everything went on in -Kristin's old way. He would eat raw potatoes, stale bread, sour cream -and such-like for a whole week and admire himself as a Socrates; then -his self-respect awoke and he began to storm again. He had to storm -in order to get the salt-cellar placed on the table, to get the doors -shut, to get the lamps filled with oil. The lamp-chimneys and wicks he -had to clean himself, for that she could not learn. - -"You are a cow, Kristin! You are a wretch who cannot value kindness. -Do you like me to storm? Do you know that I abominate myself when I -am obliged to get so excited. You make me bad, and you are a poisonous -worm. I wish you had never been born, and lay in the depths of the -earth. You are not a human being for you cannot learn; you are a cow, -that you are! You will go? Yes, go to the deuce, where you came from!" - -But Kristin never went. Once indeed she got as far as the steamer -bridge, but turned round and entered the wood, whence the doctor had to -fetch her home. - -The doctor's only acquaintance was the postmaster at Fagervik, an old -comrade of his student days, who came over every Saturday evening. -Then the two drank and gossiped till past midnight and the postmaster -remained till Sunday morning. They certainly did not look at life and -their fellow-men from the same point of view, for the postmaster was -a decided member of the Left Party, and the doctor was a sceptic, but -their talk suited each other so well, that their conversation was like -a part-song, or piece of music, for two voices, in which the voices, -although varying, yet formed a harmony. The doctor, with his wider, -mental outlook, sometimes expressed disapproval of his companion's -sentiments somewhat as follows: - -"You party-men are like one-eyed cats. Some see only with the -left eye, others with the right, and therefore you can never see -stereoscopically, but always flat and one-sidedly." - -They were both great newspaper readers and followed the course of all -questions with eagerness. The most burning question, however, was the -religious one, for the political ones were settled by votes in the -Reichstag and came to an end, but the religious questions never ended. -The postmaster hated pietists and temperance advocates. - -"Why the deuce do you hate the pietists?" the doctor would say. "What -harm have they done you? Let them enjoy themselves; it doesn't affect -me." - -"They are all hypocrites," said the postmaster dogmatically. - -"No," answered the doctor, "you cannot judge, for you have never been -a pietist, but I have, and I was--deuce take me--no hypocrite. But I -don't do it again. That is to say--one never knows, for it comes over -one, or does not--it all depends on----" - -"On what?" - -"Hard to say. Pietism, for the rest, is a kind of European Buddhism. -Both regard the world as an unclean place of punishment for the soul. -Therefore they seek to counteract material influences, and in that -they are not so wrong. That they do not succeed is obvious, but the -struggle itself deserves respect. Their apparent hypocrisy results from -the fact that they do not reach the goal they aim at, and their life -always halts behind their teaching. That the priests of the church hate -them is clear, for our married dairy farmers, card players and good -diners do not love these apostles who show their unnecessariness and -their defects. You know our clergy out there on the islands; I need -not gossip about them, for you know. There you have the hypocrites, -especially among the unfortunates, who after going through their -examination have lost faith in all doctrines." - -"Yes, but the pietists are enemies to culture." - -"No, I don't find that. When I came to this island it was inhabited by -three hundred besotted beasts who led the life of devils. And now--you -see for yourself. They are not lovable nor lively, but they are, at -any rate, quiet, so that one can sleep at night; and they don't fight, -so that one can walk about the island without fear for one's life and -limbs. In a word, the simplest blessings of civilisation were the -distinct result of the erection of the prayer-house." - -"The prayer-house which you never enter!" - -"No, I don't belong to that fold. But have you ever been there?" - -"I? No!" - -"You should hear them once at any rate." - -"Why?" - -"You daren't!" - -"Daren't! Is it dangerous?" - -"So they say!" - -"Not for me." - -"Shall we wager a barrel of punch?" - -The postmaster reflected an instant, not so much on the punch as on the -doctor's suspecting him of cowardice. - -"Done! I will go there on Friday. And you can carry the punch home in a -boat, if you see anything go wrong with me." - -The day came and the postmaster ate his dinner with the doctor, before -he took his way, as agreed, to the prayer-house. He had told no one of -his intention, partly because he feared that the preacher might aim at -him, partly because he did not wish to get the reputation of being a -pietist. After dinner he borrowed a box of snuff to keep himself awake, -in spite of the doctor's assurance that he would not have any chance of -sleeping. And so he went. - -The doctor walked about his garden waiting for the result of the -experiment to which many a stronger man than the postmaster had -succumbed. He waited for an hour and a half; he waited two hours; he -waited three. Then at last he saw the congregation coming out--a sign -that it was over. But the postmaster did not appear. The doctor became -uneasy. Another hour passed, and at last he saw his friend coming out -of the wood. He came with a somewhat artificial liveliness and there -was something forced in the springiness of his gait. When he saw the -doctor, he made a slight wriggling movement with his legs, and shrugged -his shoulders as though his clothes were too tight for him. - -"Well?" asked the doctor. "It was tedious, wasn't it?" - -"Yes," was the only answer. - -They went down to the pavilion and took their seats opposite each -other, although the postmaster was shy of showing his face, into which -a new expression had come. - -"Give me a pinch of snuff," said the doctor slyly. - -The postmaster drew out the snuff-box, which had been untouched. - -"You did not sleep?" resumed the doctor. - -The postmaster felt embarrassed. - -"Well, old fellow, you are not cheerful! What is the matter? Stop a -minute!" The doctor indicated with his forefinger the space between -his friend's eyes and nose as though he wished to show him something, -"I believe ... you have been crying!" - -"Nonsense!" answered the postmaster, and straightened himself up. "But, -at any rate, you know I am not easily befooled, but as I said that -fellow is a wizard." - -"Tell us, tell us! Fancy your believing in wizards!" - -"Yes, it was so strange." He paused for a while and continued: - -"Can you imagine it? He preached, as was to be expected, especially -to me. And in the middle of his preaching he told me all the secrets -which, like everyone else, I have kept most jealously hidden from my -childhood's days and earlier. I felt that I reddened, and that the -whole congregation looked at me as though they knew it also, which is -quite impossible. They nodded, keeping time with his words and looking -at me simultaneously. Yes, they turned round on their seats. Even -regarded as witchcraft it was----" - -"Yes, yes, I know it, and therefore I take care. What it is I don't -know, but it is something which I keep at arm's length. And it is -the same with Swedenborg. I sat once in an ante-room waiting for -admission. Behind me stood a book-case from which a book projected and -prevented me from leaning my head back. I took the book down and it was -part of Swedenborg's 'Arcana Coelestia.' I opened it at random and--can -you imagine it? in two minutes a subject which just then occupied my -thoughts was explained to me in such detail and with an almost alarming -amount of expert knowledge, that it was quite uncanny. In two minutes I -was quite clear regarding myself and my concerns." - -"Well, tell us about it." - -"No, I won't. You know yourself that the life we live in thought is -secret, and what we experience in secret.... Yes, we are not what we -seem." - -"No." His friend broke in hastily. "No; our actions are very easy to -control, but our thoughts ... ugh!" - -"And thoughts are the deeds of the mind, as I have read somewhere. With -our silent, evil thoughts we can infect others; we can transfer our -evil purposes to others who execute them. Do you remember the case of -the child murderess here ten years ago?" - -"No, I was away then." - -"She was a young children's nurse, innocent, fond of children, and had -always been kind, as was elicited in examination. During the summer -she was in the service of an actress up there in Fagervik. In August -she was arrested for child murder. I was present in court when she was -examined. She could not assign any reason for her action. But the judge -wished to find out the reason, since she had no personal motive for it. -The witnesses declared that she had loved the child, and she admitted -it. At her second examination she was beside herself with remorse and -horror at the terrible deed, but still behaved as though she were -not really guilty, although she assumed the responsibility for the -crime. At the third examination the judge tried to help her, and put -the question, 'How did the idea come to you of murdering an innocent -child whom you loved? Think carefully!' The girl cast a look of despair -round the court, but when her eyes rested on the mother of the child, -the actress, who was present for the first time, she answered the -judge simply and naturally. 'I believe that my mistress wished it.' -You should have seen the woman's face as these words were uttered. It -seemed to me that her clothes dropped from her and she stood there -exposed, and for the first time I thought of the abysmal depths of the -human soul, over which a judge must walk with bandaged eyes, for he has -no right to punish us in our interior life of thought; there we punish -ourselves and that is what the pietists do." - -"What you say is true enough, but I know also that my inner life is -sometimes higher and purer than my outward life." - -"I grant it. I have also an idea of my better ego, which is the best I -know.... But tell me, what have you been doing for a whole hour in the -wood?" - -"I was thinking." - -"You are not going to be a pietist, I suppose," broke in the doctor as -he filled his glass. - -"No, not I." - -"But you no longer think the pietists are humbugs?" - -To this the postmaster made no reply. But the drinking did not go -briskly that evening, and the conversation was on higher topics than -usual. Towards ten o'clock a terrible howling like that of wild beasts -came over the Sound. It was from the garden of the hotel in Fagervik. -Both the philosophers glanced in that direction. - -"They are the crews of the cutters, of course," said the postmaster. -"They are certainly fighting too. Yes, Fagervik is going down because -of the rows at night. The holiday visitors run away for they cannot -sleep, and they have thought of closing the beer-shops." "And of -opening a prayer-house, perhaps?" - -This question also remained unanswered, and they parted without knowing -exactly how they stood with each other. - -Meanwhile the report spread in Fagervik that the postmaster had been to -the prayer-house, and when the next afternoon he found himself in his -little circle at the hotel with the custom-house officer and the chief -pilot, they greeted him with the important news: - -"So! you have become a pietist!" - -The postmaster parried the thrust with a jest, swore emphatically that -it was untrue, and as a proof emptied his glass more thoroughly than -usual. - -"But you have been there." - -"I was curious." - -"Well, what did they say?" - -The postmaster's face darkened, and as they continued to jest it -occurred to him that it was cowardly and contemptible to mock at what -in his opinion did not deserve mockery. Therefore he said seriously and -decidedly: "Leave me in peace! I am not a pietist, but I think highly -of them." - -That was tantamount to a confession, and like an iron curtain something -fell between him and his friends. The expression of their faces -changed, and they seemed all at once strange to him. It was the most -curious experience he had had, and it was painful at the same time. - -He kept away for a few days and seemed to be in an introspective mood. -After that, by degrees, he resumed his old relations to them, came -again to the hotel, and was gradually the same as before, but not -quite. For he had "pricked up his ears" as the phrase goes. - -The Saturday evening _tete-a-tete_ were resumed as before. Now that the -postmaster had become more serious, and showed interest in the deeper -things of life, the doctor considered the time had come to communicate -to him some of the stock of observations which he had made on human -life, without any reference to his own particular experience. It was -reported that he had been married and had children but no one knew -exactly the facts of the case. - -After he had satisfied himself that the postmaster liked being read -to aloud, he ventured to suggest to him that they should spend the -Saturday evenings in this higher form of recreation, after they had -first exchanged opinions on the questions of the day, as suggested by -the events of the week. The subject-matter read would then provide -occasion for further explanations and expressions of thought. - -Accordingly, on Saturday evening after supper, while the weather -outside was cold and wet, they sat in the best room of the doctor's -house. After searching for some time in a cupboard the doctor fished -out a manuscript; at the last moment he hesitated--perhaps because it -was autobiographical. In order to give himself courage he began with -some preliminary remarks. - -"I don't think that, in your recollection, I have expressed my views -on a certain question--the most important one of our time. This -question, which touches the deepest things in life, and is treated most -superficially because it is taken up in a spirit of partisanship.... I -mean----" - -"Nevermind! I know!" - -"You are afraid of it, but I am not, for it is no question for me, but -a riddle or an insoluble problem. You know that there are insoluble -problems whose insolubility can be proved, but still men continue to -investigate the unsearchable." - -"Come to the point! Let us argue afterwards." - -"And they have tried to make laws to regulate the behaviour of married -people to each other; that is as though one should lay down rules for -forming a friendship or falling in love. Well and good! I will tell you -a story or two, and then we shall see whether the matter comes under -the head of consideration at all, or whether the usual laws of thought -apply in this case." - -"Very well." - -"One thing more. Don't think because quarantine is mentioned in the -story that it is my story. That is buried deeper. Now we will begin." - - - - -THE DOCTOR'S FIRST STORY - - - -I - - -They had gone off, taken the almost matter-of-course flight. An outcry -rang through their social circle; people pressed their hands to the -region of their heart, shuddered, lamented, condemned, according as -each had figured to him or herself the terrible tragedy which had been -played; two hearts had been torn asunder, two families raged against -each other; there was a lonely husband and a deserted child; a desolate -home, a career destroyed, entangled affairs which could not be put -straight, and broken friendships. Two men were sitting in a restaurant -and discussing the affair. - -"But why did they run away? I think it disgusting!" - -"On the contrary! I consider that ordinary decency requires that they -should leave the field to the irreproachable husband; then at any rate -they need not meet in the streets. Besides, it is more honest to be -divorced than to form an illicit tie." - -"But why could they not keep their faith and vows? We for our part -hold out for life through grief and joy." - -"Yes, and how does it look afterwards? Like an old bird's-nest in -autumn! Other times, other manners." - -"But it is terrible in any case." - -"Not least for the runaways. Now it will be the turn of the man who -took all the consequences on himself. He will be paid out." - -"And so will she." - - * * * * * - -The story was as follows. The now divorced married pair had met three -years before in a watering-place, and passed through all the stages -of being in love in the normal way. They discovered, as usual, that -they had been born for the special purpose of meeting each other -and wandering through life hand in hand. In order to be worthy of -her he gave up all doubtful habits and refined his language and his -morals. She seemed to him an angel sent by God to open his eyes and to -point him upwards. He overcame the usual difficulties regarding the -publishing of the banns, convinced that those very difficulties were -placed in his way in order to give him an opportunity of showing his -courage and energy. - -They read the scandalous anonymous letters which generally follow -engagements together, and put them in the fire. She wept, it is true, -over the wickedness of men, but he said the purpose of it was to test -their faith in each other. - -The period of their betrothal was one long intoxication. He declared -that he did not need to drink any more, for her presence made him -literally drunk. Once in a way they felt the weirdness of the solitude -which surrounded them, for their friends had given them up, considering -themselves superfluous. - -"Why do people avoid us?" she asked one evening as they walked outside -the town. - -"Because," he answered, "men run away when they see happiness." - -They did not notice that they themselves avoided intercourse with -others, as they actually did. He, especially, showed a real dread of -meeting his old bachelor friends, for they seemed to him like enemies, -and he saw their sceptical grimaces, which were only too easy to -interpret. - -"See! there he is caught! To think of the old rascal letting himself be -hoodwinked!" etc. For the young bachelors were of the opinion then, as -now, that love was a piece of trickery which sooner or later must be -unmasked. - -But the conversation of the betrothed pair kept them above the -banalities of everyday life, and they lived, as people say rightly, -above the earth. But they began to feel afraid of the solitude which -surrounded them and drove them together. They tried to go among other -people, partly from the need of showing their happiness, and partly to -quiet themselves. But when after the theatre they entered a restaurant, -and she arranged her hair at the glass in the hall, he felt as though -she was adorning herself for strangers. And when they sat down at the -table, he became instantaneously silent, for her face assumed a new -expression which was strange to him. Her glances seemed to parry the -looks of strangers. They both became silent, and his face wore an -anxious expression. It was a dismal supper, and they soon left. - -When they came out she asked, somewhat out of humour at being -disappointed of a pleasure, "Are you vexed with me?" - -"No, my dear, I cannot be vexed with you. But I bleed inwardly when I -see young fellows desecrate you with their looks." So their visits to -the restaurant ceased. - -The weeks before the marriage were spent in arranging their future -dwelling. They had discussed carpets and curtains, had interviewed -workmen and shopmen, and in so doing had descended from their ideal -heights. Now they wanted to go out to get rid of these prosaic -impressions. So they went, but with that ominous silence when the heads -of a pair feel empty and someone seems to walk between them. He tried -to rally himself and put her in good spirits but unsuccessfully. - -"I hang too heavily upon you," she said, and let go of his arm. He did -not answer, for he really felt some relief. That annoyed her and she -drew nearer the wall. The conversation was at an end, and they soon -found themselves before her door. - -"Good night," she said curtly. - -"Good night," he replied with equal curtness, and they parted obviously -to their mutual relief. This time there was no kiss in the passage and -he did not wait outside the glass door to watch her slender figure move -gracefully up the first flight of stairs. - -He went down the street with an elastic gait and drawing a deep -breath of relief. He felt released from something oppressive, which -nevertheless had been charming for three months. Pulling himself -together, he mentally picked up the dropped threads of a past which now -seemed strong and sincere. He hurried on, his ego exulted, and both his -arms, as they swung, felt like wings. - -That the affair was over he felt no doubt, but he saw no reason for -it, and with wide-awake consciousness confronted a fact which he -unhesitatingly accepted. When he came near his door he met an old -friend whom, without further ado, he took by the arm, and invited to -share his simple supper and to talk. His friend looked astonished, but -followed him up the stairs. - -They ate and drank, smoked and chatted till midnight, discussing every -variety of topic, old reminiscences and affairs of State, the Reichstag -and political economy. There was not a word regarding his betrothal and -marriage, or even an allusion to them. It was a very enjoyable evening -and he seemed to have gone back three months in his life. He noticed -that his voice assumed a more manly tone, that he spoke his thoughts -straight out as they came, without having to take the trouble to round -off the corners of strong words to emphasise some expressions, and -soften down others in order not to give offence. He felt as though he -had found himself again, thrown off a strait-jacket, and laid aside a -mask. He accompanied his friend downstairs to open the house-door. - -"Well, you will be married in eight days," said the latter with the -usual sceptical grimace. It was as though he had pressed a button and -the door slammed to in answer. - -When he came to his room, he felt seized with disgust; he took the -things off the table, cleared up, swept the room, and then became -conscious of what he had lost, and how low he had sunk. - -He felt he had been unfaithful to his betrothed, because he had given -his soul to another, even though that other was a man. He had lost -something better than that which he thought he had gained. What he had -found again was merely his old selfish, inconsiderate, comfortable, -everyday ego, with its coarseness and uncleanness, which his friend -liked because it suited his own. - -And now it was all over, and the link broken for ever! The great -solitude would resume its sway, the ugly bachelor life begin again. -It did not occur to him to sit down and write a letter, for he felt -it would be useless. Therefore he tried to weary himself in order to -obtain sleep, soaked his whole head in cold water, and so went to -bed. The little ceremony of winding up his watch made, to-night, a -peculiar impression on him. Everything had to be renewed at night, even -time itself. Perhaps her love only needed a night's rest in order to -recommence. - -When he awoke the following morning, the sun shone into the room. An -indescribable feeling of quietness had taken possession of him, and he -felt that life was good as it was, yes, better to-day than usual, for -his soul felt at home again after a long excursion. He dressed himself -and went to his office, opened his letters, read the newspaper, and -felt quite calm all the time. But this unnatural calm began at last to -make him uneasy. He felt an increasing nervousness and a feverishness -over his whole body. The vacuum began to be filled again with her soul; -the electric band had been stretched, and the stream cut off, but it -was still there; there had only been a break in the current, and now -all the recollections rushed upon him, all their beautiful and great -experiences, all the elevated feelings and great thoughts which they -had amassed together, all the dream-world in which they had lived, so -unlike the present world of prose where they now found themselves. - -With a feeling of despair he betook himself to his correspondence -in order to conceal his emotions, and began to answer letters with -calmness, order, and clearness. Offers were accepted on certain -conditions, and declined on definite grounds. He went into questions of -coffee and sugar, exchange prices and accounts with unusual clearness -and decision. - -A clerk brought him a letter, which he saw at once was from her. - -"The messenger waits for an answer," he said. - -Without looking up from his desk, the merchant had at once decided and -replied: "He needn't wait." - -In that moment he had said to himself: "Explanations, reproaches, -accusations--how can I answer such things?" - -And the letter lay unopened while his business correspondence went on -with stormy celerity. - - * * * * * - -When his fiancee had parted from him on the previous evening her first -emotion had been anger--anger to think that he, the merchant, had -dared to despise her. She herself belonged to an official's family -and had dreamt of playing a role in society. His warm and faithful -affection had made her gradually forget this. Since he was never weary -of telling her what an ennobling influence she exercised on his life, -and since she herself perceived how he became refined and beautiful -under her hand, she felt herself to be a higher being. His steady -veneration kindled her self-esteem and she grew and blossomed in the -sunshine which his love spread around her. When that was suddenly -extinguished, it grew cold and dark around her; she felt herself -dwindle down to her original insignificance, shrivel and disappear. -This discovery that she had been the victim of an error and that -his love was the cause of her new life and the enlargement of her -personality, aroused her hatred against the man who had given her -such clear proof that her existence depended on him and on his love. -Now that he was no longer her lover, he became the tradesman whom she -despised. - -"A fellow who sells coffee and sugar!" she said to herself, as she fell -asleep, "I could change him for a better one." - -But when she awoke after a good night's sleep, she felt alarmed at the -disgrace of being given up. A broken engagement, after two offers, -would always cast a shadow over her life and make it difficult to -procure another fiance. - -In a spiteful mood she sat down to write the letter, in which in a -lofty, insulting tone she demanded an explanation, and at the same time -asked him to come and see her. - -When the messenger returned with the news that there was no answer she -fell in a rage, and prepared to go out. She intended to find him in his -office, where she had never yet been, and before the eyes of his clerks -throw his ring on the ground to show how deeply she despised him. So -she went. - -She stood outside the door and knocked. But since no one opened or -answered she entered and stood in the hall. Through the glass pane of -the inner door she saw her betrothed bending over the large ledger, -his face intent and serious. She had never seen him at work before. -And when at work every man, even the most insignificant, is imposing. -Sacred work, which makes a man what he is, invested his appearance with -the dignity of concentrated strength, and she was seized with a feeling -of respect for him which she could not throw off. - -Just then he was inspecting in the ledger the entries of the expenses -of furnishing their house. - -They had absorbed his savings during the ten years he had been in -business, and though not petty-minded, he thought with sorrow and -bitterness, how they were all thrown away. He sighed and looked up -in order not to see the tell-tale figures. Then, all of a sudden, he -noticed behind the glass pane of the door, like a crayon drawing in a -frame, a pale face and two large eyes full of an expression of pain -and sympathy. He rose and stood reverently, mute in his great, virile -grief, interrogative and trembling. Then he saw in her looks how the -lost love had returned, and with that all was said. - -When after a while they were walking past Skeppsholm, bright with their -recovered happiness, he asked: "What happened to us yesterday?" (He -said "us" for he did not wish to raise the question whose fault it -was.) - -"I don't know; I cannot explain it; but it was the most terrible -experience I have had. We will never do it again!" - -"No! we will never do it again. And now, Ebba, it is for our whole -lives, you and I!" - -She pressed his arm, fully convinced that after this fiery trial, -nothing in the world could separate them, so far as it depended on -themselves. - - - -II - - -And they were married. But instead of hiding their happiness in -their beautiful clean home, they set out on a journey among strange, -indifferent, curious, and even hostile people. Then they went from -hotel to hotel, were stared at at tables d'hote, got headaches in -museums, and in the evening were dumb with fatigue and put out of -humour by mishaps. - -Tom away from his work and his surroundings, the industrious man found -it difficult to collect himself. When his thoughts went back to the -business matters which he had left in the hands of others, he was -inattentive and tiresome. They both longed for home, but were ashamed -to return and to be received with ridicule. - -The first week they occupied the time by talking over the -recollections of their engagement; during the second week they -discussed the journeys of the first. They never lived in the present -but in the past. When there was an interval of dullness or silence -he had always comforted her with the thought that their intercourse -would be easier when they had amassed a store of common memories, -and had learnt to avoid each other's antipathies. Meanwhile, out of -consideration, they had borne with these and suppressed their own -peculiarities and weaknesses as well-brought-up people usually do. -This led to a feeling of restraint and being on one's guard which was -exhausting; and the time had come for making important discoveries. -Since he possessed more self-control than she did, he was careful -not to say too much, but concealed one inclination and habit after -another, while she revealed all hers. As he loved her, he wished to -be agreeable, and therefore learned to be silent. The result was that -with all her inherited habits, peculiarities, and prejudices she had -so insinuated herself into his life that he began to feel himself -attenuated and annihilated. - -One evening the young wife was seized with a sudden desire to praise -her sister, a hateful coquette, whom her husband disliked because -she had tried, from selfish motives, to break their engagement. He -listened to his wife in respectful silence, now and then murmuring an -indistinct assent. At last his wife's praise of her sister mounted to -a paean, and though he thought her affection for her relatives a fine -trait in her character, he could not entirely place himself in her -skin nor see with her eyes. So he took refuge in the kind of silence -which is more eloquent than plain words. This silence was accompanied -by a gnawing of the lips and a violent perspiration. All the words and -opinions he had suppressed found mute expression in these movements -of his lips--he merely "marked time" as actors say--and the breaths -which were not used in forming words, he emitted through his nose. -Simultaneously the pores of his skin opened as so many safety-valves -for his suppressed emotions, and it became really unpleasant to have -him at the table. - -The young wife did not conceal her annoyance, for she feared no -revenge. She made an ugly gesture, which always ill becomes a woman; -she held her nose with both fingers, looking around to those present as -if to ask whether she was not right! - -Her husband became pale, rose, and went out. Several people were -sitting close by who witnessed the unpleasant scene. When he came out -on the streets of the foreign town, he unbuttoned his waistcoat and -breathed freely. And then his thoughts took their own course ruthlessly. - -"I am becoming a hypocrite simply out of consideration for her. One -lie is piled up on another, and some day it will all come down with a -crash. What a coarse woman she is! And it was from her that I believed -I should learn and be refined into a higher being. It is all optical -delusion and deceit. All this 'love' is merely a piece of trickery on -the part of nature to dazzle one's sight." - -He tried to picture to himself what was now happening in the -dining-room. She would naturally weep and appeal with her eyes to those -present as if to ask whether she was not very unfortunate with such a -husband. It was indeed her habit so to appeal with her eyes, and when -he expected an answer from her, she always turned her looks on those -around as if asking for help against her oppressor. He was always -treated as a tyrant, although out of pure kindness he had made himself -her slave. There was no help for it! - -He found himself down by the harbour, and caught sight of the -swimming-baths--that was just what he wanted. Quickly he plunged into -the sea, and swam far out into the darkness. His soul, tortured by -mosquito-stings and nettle-pricks, was able to cool itself, and he felt -how he left a wake of dirt behind him. He lay on his back and gazed at -the starry sky, but at the same moment heard a whistling and splashing -behind him. It was a great steamer coming in, and he had to get out of -the way to save His life. He made for the lamp-lit shore and saw the -hotel with all its lights. - -When he had dressed, he felt an unmeasured sorrow--sorrow over his lost -paradise. At the same time all bitterness had passed away. - -In this mood he entered his room and found his wife seated at the -writing-table. She rose and threw herself into his arms without a word -of apology; naturally enough he did not desire it, and she had no idea -of having done wrong. - -They sat down and wept together over their vanished love, for that it -had gone there was no doubt. But it had gone without their will, and -they sorrowed over it, as over some dear friend which they had not -killed but could not save. They were confronted by a fact before which -they were helpless; love the good genius who magnifies every trifle, -rejuvenates what is old, beautifies what is ugly, had abandoned them, -and life stretched before them in naked monotony. - -But it did not occur to them that they would be separated or were -separated, for their grief itself was an experience they shared, which -held them together. They were also united in a common grudge against -Fate, which had so deceived them in their tenderest emotions. In their -great dejection they were not capable of such a strong feeling as hate. -They only felt resentment and indignation at Fate, which was their -scapegoat and lightning-conductor. - -They had never talked so harmoniously and so intimately before, and -while their voices assumed a more affectionate tone, they formed a firm -resolve to go home and commence their domestic life. He talked himself -into a state of enthusiasm at the thought of home, where one could -exclude all evil influences, and where peace and harmony would reign. -She also dilated on the same topic with similar warmth till they had -forgotten their sorrow. And when they had forgotten it, they smiled -as before, and behold! love was again there, and not dead at all; its -death was also a delusion and so was all their grief. - - - -III - - -He had realised his youthful dream of a wife and a home, and for eight -days the young wife also thought that her dream had come true. But on -the ninth day she wanted to go out. - -"Where?" he asked. - -"Say, yourself!" - -No, she must say. He proposed the opera, but Wagner was being performed -there, and she could not bear him. The theatre? No, there they had -Maeterlinck, and that was silly. He did not wish to go to an operetta, -for they always ridiculed what he now regarded as sacred. Nor did he -like the circus, where there were only horses and queer women. - -So the discussion went on and they privately discovered a great -quantity of divergences in tastes and principles. In order to please -her, he proposed an operetta, but she would not accept the sacrifice. -He suggested that they should give a party, but then they discovered -that there was no one to invite, for they had separated from their -friends, and their friends from them. - -So they sat there, still in harmony, and considered their destiny -together, without having yet begun to blame each other. They stayed at -home, and felt bored. - -Next day, the same scene was repeated. He now saw that his happiness -was at stake; therefore he took courage, and said in a friendly way but -decidedly, "Dress yourself and we will go to an operetta." She beamed, -put on her new dress, and was quickly ready. When he saw her so happy -and pretty, he felt a stab in his heart, and thought to himself, "Now -she brightens up, when she can dress for others and not for me." -When he then conducted her to the theatre, he felt as though he were -escorting a stranger, for her thoughts were already in the auditorium, -which was her stage, where she wished to appear, and where she could -now appear under her husband's escort without being insulted. - -Since they could already divine each other's thoughts, this alienation, -while they were on the way, changed into something like hostility. They -longed to be in the theatre in order to find something to divert their -emotions, though he felt as though he were going to an execution. - -When they came to the ticket-office there were no tickets left. - -Then her face changed, and when she looked at him, and thought she saw -an expression of satisfaction, which possibly was latent there, she -broke out, "That pleases you?" - -He wished to deny it, but could not, for it was true. On the way home -he felt as though he were dragging a corpse with him, and that a -hostile one. - -The fact that she had discovered his very natural thought, which he -had self-denyingly repressed, hurt him like a rudeness for one has no -right to punish the thoughts of another. He would have borne it more -easily if there had been no tickets left, for he was already accustomed -to be a scapegoat. But now he lamented over his lost happiness, and -that he had not the power to amuse her. - -When she observed that he was not angry, but only sad, she despised -him. They came home in ominous silence; she went straight to her -bedroom and shut the door. He sat down in the dining-room, where he lit -the lamps and candles, for the darkness seemed to be closing round him. - -Then he heard a cry from the bedroom, the cry of a child, but of a -grown one. When he came in he saw a sight which tore his heart. She was -on her knees, her hands stretched towards him, wailing as she wept, -"Don't be angry with me, don't be hard; you put out the light round me, -you stifle me with your severity; I am a child that trusts life and -must have sunshine." - -He could find no answer, for she seemed sincere. And he could not -defend himself, for that meant arraigning her thoughts, which he also -could not do. - -Dumb with despair, he went into his room and felt crushed. He had -pillaged her youth, shut her up, torn out her joy by the roots. He had -not the light which this tender flower needed, and she withered under -his hand. These self-reproaches broke down all the self-confidence -he had hitherto possessed; he felt unworthy of her love, or of any -woman's, and felt himself a murderer who had killed her happiness. - -After he had suffered all these pangs of conscience he began to examine -himself calmly and with sober common sense. - -"What have I done?" he asked himself. "What have I done to her? All the -good that I could; I have done her will in everything. I did not wish -to go out in the evening, when I had come home after the work of the -day, and I did not wish to see an operetta. An operetta was formerly a -matter of indifference to me, but now it is distasteful, since through -my love for her I have entered another sphere of emotion which I do not -hesitate to call a higher one. How foolish of me! I had the idea that -she would draw me out of the mire, but she draws me down; she has drawn -me down the whole time. Then it is not she but my love which draws -upward, for there is a higher and a lower. Yes, the sage was right who -said, 'Men marry to have a home to come to to, women marry to have a -home to go out of.' Home is not for the woman but for the man and the -child. All women complain of being shut up at home, and so does mine, -although she goes about the whole morning paying visits, and haunting -cafes and shops." - -He began to work his way out of this slough of despond, and found -himself on the side where the fault was not. But again he saw the -heart-rending spectacle of his young wife on her knees begging him, -with outstretched hands, not to kill her youth and brightness with his -severity. Since it was foreign to his nature to act a part, he felt -sure that she was not doing so, and felt again like a criminal, so that -he was tempted to commit suicide, for the mere fact of his existence -crushed her happiness. - -But again his sense of justice was aroused, for he had no right to take -the blame on himself when he did not deserve it. He was not hard but he -was serious, and it was just his seriousness which had made the deepest -impression on the young girl and decided her to prefer him to other -frivolous young men. He had not wished to kill her joy; on the contrary -he had done everything in his power to procure for her the quiet joys -of domesticity; he had not even wished to deny her the ambiguous -pleasure of the operetta, but had sacrificed himself and accompanied -her thither. What she had said was therefore simply nonsense. And yet -her grief had been so deep and sincere. What was the meaning of it? - -Then came the answer. It was the girl's leave-taking of youth--which -was inevitable. It was therefore as natural as it was beautiful--this -outbreak of despair at the brevity of spring. But he was not to blame -for it, and if his wife perhaps in a year was to become a mother, it -was now the right time to bid farewell to girlish joys in order to -prepare for the higher joys of maternity. - -He had, therefore, nothing to reproach himself with, and yet he did -reproach himself with everything. With a quick resolve, he shook off -his depression and went to his wife, firmly determining not to say a -word in his defence, for that meant extinguishing her love, but simply -to invite her to reconciliation without a reckoning. - -He found his wife on the point of being weary of solitude, and she -would have welcomed the society of anyone, even that of her husband, -rather than be quite alone. - -Then they came to an agreement to give a party and to invite his -friends and hers, who would be sure to come. This evening their need -for domestic peace and comfort was so mutual that they agreed, without -any difficulty, who should be invited and who not. - -They closed the day by drinking a bottle of champagne. The sparkling -drink loosened her tongue and now she took the opportunity to make him -gentle and jesting reproaches for his egotism and discourtesy towards -his wife. She looked so pretty as she raised herself on tiptoe above -him, and she seemed so much greater and nobler when she had rolled all -her faults upon him, that he thought it a pity to pull her down, and -therefore went to sleep laden with all the defects and shortcomings -which he had taken on himself. - -When he awoke the next morning he lay still in order to think over the -events of the past evening. And now he despised himself for having -kept silence and refrained from defending himself. Now he perceived -how the whole of their life together was built upon his silence and -the suppression of his personality. For if he had spoken yesterday, -she would have gone--she always threatened to go to her mother when he -"ill-treated" her, and she called it "ill-treatment" every time that -he was tired of making himself out worse than he was. Here they were -building on falsity, and the building would collapse some day when he -ventured on a criticism or personal remark regarding her. - -Reverence, worship, blind obedience--that was the price of her love--he -must either pay it, or go without it. - -The party took place. The husband, as a good host, did all he could -to efface himself and bring his wife into prominence. His friends, -who were gentlemen, behaved to her in their turn with all the courtesy -which they felt was due to a young wife. - -After supper music was proposed. There was a piano in the house, -but the wife could not play, and the husband did not want to. A -young doctor undertook the task, and since he had to choose his own -programme, he had resort to his favourite, Wagner. The mistress of -the house did not know what he was playing but did not like the deep -seriousness of it. When at last the thunder ceased, her husband sat -uneasily there, for he could surmise what was coming. - -As a ladylike hostess, she had to say something. She thought a simple -"thanks" insufficient, and asked what the music was. - -Then it came out--Wagner! - -Her husband felt the look which he feared, which told him that he was -a traitor who perhaps had wished to entice her to praise in ignorance -"the worst music which she knew." During the time of their engagement -she had certainly listened attentively to her fiance's long speeches -in defence of Wagner, but immediately after their marriage, she had -declared openly that she could not bear him. Therefore her husband had -never played to her, and she feigned not to know that he could play. -But now she felt insidiously surprised, and her husband received the -beforementioned look which told him what he had to expect. - -The guests had gone, and husband and wife sat there alone. - -In his father's house he had learnt never to speak anything but good of -departed guests, but rather to be silent. She had also heard something -of the kind, but here she felt no need of restraint. So now she began -to criticise his friends; they were, to put it briefly, tedious. - -He gnawed his cigar in silence, for to dispute about likings and taste -in this case would be unreasonable. - -But she also considered them discourteous. She had been told that young -men should say pleasant things. - -"Did they venture to say anything unpleasant?" he asked, feeling uneasy -lest anyone should have forgotten himself. - -"No, not exactly." - -Then came a shower of petty criticisms; someone's tie was not straight, -another had too long a nose, another drawled, and then, "the fellow who -played Wagner!" - -"You are not kind," said her husband with a lame attempt to defend his -friends. - -"Yes! and the friends you trust in! You should only have heard and seen -the words and looks which I heard and saw. They are false to you." - -He continued to smoke and kept silence, but he thought how low he -had sunk to deny his old and tried friends; how despicable it was to -plead for forgiveness with his eyes for the performance of Wagner. -His thoughts ran parallel with her loud chatter, and he spoke them in -silence. - -"You despise my friends because they do not court their friend's wife, -do not pay her little compliments on her figure and dress; and you hate -them because you feel how my strength grows in the circle of their -sympathies for me. You hate them as you hate me, and would hate anyone -else who was your husband." - -She must have felt the effect of these thoughts, for her volubility -slackened, and when he cast a glance at her, she seemed to have shrunk -together. Immediately afterwards she rose, on the pretext that she felt -freezing. As a matter of fact, she was trembling and had red flames on -her cheeks. - -That night he observed for the first time that he had at his side an -ugly old woman who had enamelled her face with bright cosmetics and -plaited her hair like a peasant woman. - -She did not bother herself to appear at her best before him but was -already free and easy and cynical enough to make herself repugnant by -disclosing the unbeautiful secrets of the toilet. - -Then for a moment he was released from his enchantment, and continued -to think of flight till sleep had pity on him. - -A couple of weeks passed in dull silence. He could not get rid of the -thought that it was a pity about her, and when she was bored, it was -his fault for the moment, because he was her husband--for the moment. -To seek for others' society was now no longer possible, since his -friends had been rejected, and she had no more pleasure in her own. -They tried to go out each his own way but always returned home. - -"You find it hard to be away from me, in spite of all!" she said. - -"And you?" he answered. - -She remained compliant and indifferent, no longer angry, so that they -could talk, i.e. he ventured to answer. - -"My jailor!" she said on one occasion. - -"Who is in jail, you or I?" he answered. - -When they perceived that they were each other's prisoners, they smiled -at the relationship and began to examine the witchcraft of which they -were victims. They went back in memory and lived over again the -engagement period and their wedding journey. Consequently they lived -always in the past, never in the present. - -Then came the great moment he had waited for as a liberation--the -announcement of her expecting to be a mother. Her longings would now -have an object, and she would look forward instead of backward. But -even here he had miscalculated. - -Now she was angry with him, for her beauty would wither away, and -it was no use his trying to comfort her by saying she would get up -rejuvenated with recovered beauty, and that the crowning happiness -awaited her. She treated him like a murderer, and could not look at him -for his mere scent aroused her dislike. In order to obtain light on the -matter, he asked their doctor. The latter laughed and explained to him -that in such cases women always thought they smelt something;--this was -either pure imagination or a physical perversion of the olfactory nerve. - -When at last this stage was over, a certain calm succeeded which he was -short-sighted enough to enjoy. Since he was now sure of having his wife -in the house he perhaps showed that he was happy and thankful for it. -But he should not have done so, for now she saw the matter from a new -point of view. - -"Ah! now you think you have me fast, but just wait till I am up again!" - -The look which accompanied the threat gave him to understand what would -happen. Now he began a battle with himself whether he should await the -arrival of the child or go away first, in order to avoid the wrench of -parting from it. - -Since the married pair had entered into such a close relationship that -one could hear the thoughts of the other, he could keep no secrets from -her which she did not seize upon forthwith. - -"I know well enough that you contemplate deserting us and casting us on -the street." - -"That is strange," he remarked; "it is you who have threatened the -whole time to go off with the child, as soon as it came. So whatever -I do is wrong; if I stay you go, and then I am both unhappy and -ridiculous; if I go you are the martyr, and I am unhappy and a -scoundrel to boot! That comes of having to do with women!" - -How they got through the nine months was to him a puzzle. The last -part of the time was the most tolerable, for she had begun to love the -unborn child, and love imparted to her a higher beauty than she had -before. But when he told her so, she did not believe him, and when she -observed that he was lulling himself to sleep with dreams of perpetual -happiness by her side she broke out again, saying: "You think you have -got me safe now." - -"My dear," he answered, "when we vowed to each other to be man and -wife, I believed that I would belong to you and you to me, and I hoped -that we should hold together so that the child should be born in a -home, and be brought up by its father and mother." - -And so on _ad infinitum_. - -The child came, and the mother's joy was boundless. Ennui had -disappeared and the man breathed freely, but he should have done so -more imperceptibly. For two sharp eyes saw it and two keen looks said: -"You think that I am tied by the child!" - -On the third day the little one had lost the charm of novelty and was -handed over to a nurse. Then dressmakers were summoned. Now he knew -what was coming. From that hour he went about like a man condemned to -death, waiting for his execution. He packed two travelling-bags which -he hid in his wardrobe, ready to fly at the given signal. - -The signal was given two days after his wife got up. She had put on a -dress of an extremely showy cut and of the colour called "lamp-shade." - -He took her out for a walk and suffered unspeakably when he saw that -she whom he loved, attracted a degree of attention which he found -obnoxious. Even the street urchins pointed with their fingers at the -overdressed lady. - -From that day he avoided going out with her. He stayed at home with the -child, and lamented that he had a wife who made herself ridiculous. - -Her next step to freedom was the riding-school. Through the stable -the doors to society were opened for her. By means of horses one made -acquaintances in the upper circles. Horses and dogs form the transition -stage to the world from which one peers down in order to be able to -discover the pedestrians on the dusty highways. The rider on horseback -is six ells high instead of three, and he always looks as though he -wished that those who walk should look up to him. The stable also was -her means of introduction to a lieutenant who was a baron. Their hearts -responded to each other, and since the baron was a clean-natured man, -he decidedly refused to go through the stages of guest and friend of -the house. Therefore they went off together, or rather, fled. - -Her husband remained behind with the child. - - - -IV - - -The baron jumped into the Stockholm express at Soedertaelje where he had -arranged to meet her. Everything had been carefully arranged for them -to be alone together at last, but Fate had other designs. When the -baron entered the railway carriage he found his beloved sitting wedged -in tightly among strangers, so tightly that there was no room for him. -A glance in the adjoining coupe showed him that it was full also, and -he had to stand in the corridor. Rage distorted his face, and when he -tried to greet her with a secret and loving smile, he only showed his -back teeth, which she had never seen before. To make matters worse, he -had, in order not to be noticed, put on mufti. She had never seen him -in this, and his spring coat looked faded, now that it was autumn. Some -soft summer showers in the former year had caused the cloth to pucker -near the seams, so that it lay in many small wave-like folds. Since it -had been cut according to the latest fashion it gave him the appearance -of having sloping shoulders which continued the neck down to the arms -with the same ignoble outlines as those of a half-pint bottle. He -perspired with rage, and a fragment of coal had settled firmly on his -nose. She would like to have jumped up and with her lace handkerchief -wiped away the black smut but dared not. He did not like to look at her -for fear of displeasing her, and therefore remained standing in the -corridor with his back towards her. - -When they reached Katrineholm they had to dine if they did not wish -to remain hungry till evening. Here the man and the hero had to show -himself, and stand the ordeal or he was lost. With trembling calves -and puckered face he followed his lady out of the train and across the -railway lines. Here he fell on his knee, so that his hat slipped to the -back of his head and remained sticking there like a military cap. But -the position which made the latter look smart did not suit the unusual -hat. In a word it was not his good day, and he had no luck. - -When they entered the dining-saloon, they looked as though they had -quarrelled inwardly, as though they despised each other, were ashamed -before each other, and mutually wished themselves apart. - -His nerves were entirely out of order, and he could not control a -single muscle. Without knowing what he was doing, he pushed her forward -to the table saying, "Hurry up!" - -The table was already surrounded by passengers, who fell on the viands -in scattered order and therefore could not open their ranks. The baron -made a sally and finally succeeded in seizing a plate, but as he wedged -in his arm to get a fork, his hand encountered another hand which -belonged to the person he least of all wished to meet just then. - -It was his senior officer, a major who presided at military -examinations. - -At the same moment a whisper passed through the crowd. - -They were recognised! He stood there as though naked among nettles. His -neck swelled so unnaturally and grew so red that his cheeks seemed to -form part of it. He could not understand how people's looks could have -the effect of gun-bullets. He was literally fusilladed and collapsed. -His companion vanished from his mind; he could only think of the major -and the military examination which might destroy his future. - -But she had seen and understood; she turned her back on everyone and -went out. She got into the wrong coupe but it was empty. He came -afterwards and they were alone at last. - -"That's a nice business, isn't it?" he hissed, striking his forehead. -"To think of my letting myself be enticed into such an adventure! And -the major too! Now my career is at an end!" - -That was the theme which was enlarged on with variations till -Linkoeping. Hunger and thirst both contributed their part to it. It was -terrible. - -After Linkoeping they both felt that the mutual reproaches they had -hitherto held back must find a vent. But just at the right moment they -remembered her husband and attacked him. It was his fault; he was the -tyrant, the idiot of course, "a fellow who played Wagner," a devil. It -was he who had given the major a hint, no doubt. - -"Yes, I believe you," said she with the firmest conviction. - -"Do you? I know it," answered the baron. "They meet on the Stock -Exchange, where they speculate in shares together. And do you know what -I begin to suspect? Your husband, the 'wretch' as we call him, has -never loved you." - -The wife considered a moment. Whether it was that her husband's love -was indubitable, or that it was necessary to suppose that he loved her, -if she was to have the honour of having made a fool of him--enough, he -must have loved her, since she was so lovable. - -"No! now you are unjust," she ventured to say. She felt herself -somewhat elevated by being able to speak a good word of an enemy, but -the baron took it as a reproach against himself and recommenced. - -"He loved you? He who shut you up and would not accompany you to the -riding-school! He----" - -The safety-conductor seemed used up, and threatened to deflect the -lightning to one side in a dangerous way. So they took up a new thread -of conversation--the question of food. Since this could not be settled -before Naujoe, which was still half a day distant, they soon dropped it -again. In her extremity, and carried away by a torrent of thoughts and -emotions which she could not resist, she hazarded a conjecture as to -how her child was. To this his answer was a yawn which split his face -like a red apple to the uvula where some dark molars resembled the core -of it. Gradually he let himself slide down into a reclining attitude on -the sofa, but remembering that he ought to make some apology for his -unseemly behaviour, he yawned and said: "Excuse me, but I am so sleepy." - -Immediately afterwards he went to sleep, and after a time he snored. -Since she was no longer under the influence of his looks and words, she -could reflect quietly again, see who her travelling companion was, and -began, involuntarily, to institute comparisons. Her husband had never -behaved like this; he was refined compared with the baron, and was -always well-dressed. - -The baron, who had drunk much punch the day before, began now -to perspire and smelt of vinegar. Besides that, he always had a -stable-like smell about him. - -She went out into the corridor, opened a window, and as though released -from enchantment, she saw the whole extent of her loss and the terrible -nature of her position. As the spring landscape swept past, a little -lake with willows and a cottage, she remembered vividly how she had -dreamt of a summer holiday with the child. Then she broke into weeping, -and tried to throw herself out but was held back. She remained standing -a long time, and stamped with her feet as though she wished to stop the -train and make it go backwards. All the time she heard his snoring, -like grunts from a pigsty at feeding-time. And for this ... creature, -she had left a good home, a beautiful child, and a husband. - -The snoring ceased, and the baron began to employ his recuperated -thinking faculties in considering the situation and settling his -future. He did not know how to be sad; instead of that he became angry. -When he saw her holding her handkerchief to her eyes, he got in a rage, -and took it as a personal reproach. But quarrelling was tedious and -unpleasant; therefore assuming a light tone, and caressing her as one -might a horse, he clicked with his tongue and said: "Cheer up, Maja!" - -Two such opposite moods, in colliding, cut each other and each fell on -its own side of the knife. A dead silence was the result. They were -no longer one person, but two, irrevocably two, who did not belong -together. - -Yet another half-day in wretchedness and boredom; a night with changes -of train in the darkness, and at last they were in Copenhagen. There -they were unknown and had no need to feel embarrassed. But when they -entered the dining-saloon, she began to pass the "searchlight" of her -looks, as he called it, over all those present, so that when the baron -looked at her he never saw her eye except in profile. At last he became -angry and kicked her shin under the table. Then she turned away and -appealed with her eyes to the company. She could not look at him--so -hateful did he seem to her. Upstairs in their room the corks were drawn -out. They reached the stage of recriminations. His spoilt career was -her fault ... she had lost her child and home through him. So it went -on till past midnight when sleep had mercy on them. - -Then next morning they sat at the breakfast-table, silent and ghastly -to look at. She remembered her honeymoon journey and very much the same -situation. They had nothing to say to each other, and he was as tedious -as her husband had been. They kept silence and were ashamed of being in -each other's presence. They were conscious of their mutual hatred, and -poisoned each other with nerve-poison. - -At last the deliverer came. The waiter approached with a telegram for -the baron, who opened and read it at a glance. He seemed to consider, -cast a calculating glance at his enemy, and after a pause said: "I am -recalled by the commanding officer." - -"And mean to leave me here?" - -He changed his resolve in a second: "No, we will travel back together." -A plan suggested itself and he told her of it. "We will sail across to -Landskrona; there no one knows you, and you can wait for me." - -The idea of sailing had a smack of the adventurous and heroic about it, -and this trifle outweighed all other considerations. She was kindled, -kindled him, and they packed at once. The prospect of leaving her, for -however short a time, restored his courage. - -Accordingly, some hours later, he took his seat in a hired -sailing-boat with his beloved by the foresail and put off from Lange -Linie like a sea-robber with his bride, blustering, ostentatious and -gorgeous. - -In order to conceal his plan he had only spoken to the owner of the -boat of a pleasure-trip in the Sound. His intention was to telegraph -from Landskrona and send the money due for the boat and have the boat -itself towed by a steamer. - -As they were putting off from shore, the boat owner stood near and -watched them. But when he saw that they were directing their course to -the Island Hven, he put his hands to his mouth and shouted: "Don't go -too near Hven," and something else which was carried away by the wind. - -"Why not Hven?" asked the baron aloud. "The shore is steep, so that -there are no rocks under water." - -"Yes, but if he tells us so, he must have had some reason for it," she -objected. - -"Don't talk nonsense! Look after the foresail!" - -The wind blew a light gale on the open sea, and since there was a -considerable distance between the foresail and the stern there was no -need for conversation, much to the baron's relief. - -Their course was directed towards the south-east corner of Hven, -though at first not noticeably so. But when she at last saw whither -they were going, she called out: "Don't steer for Hven!" - -"Hold your----!" answered the baron and tacked. - -After an hour's good run they had come abreast of the white island -and a light pressure on the rudder turned the boat's prow towards -Landskrona, which appeared in the north. - -"Saved!" cried the steersman and lit a cigar. - -At the same instant a little steamer put out from Hven and made -straight for the sailing-boat. - -"What is that steamer?" she asked. - -"It is a custom-house boat," answered the baron who was at home on the -sea. - -But now the steamer hoisted a yellow flag and whistled. - -"That has nothing to do with us," said the baron, and kept on his -course. - -But the steamer took a sweep round, signalled with the flag, and let -off several short, sharp whistles like cries of distress, increasing -speed at the same time. Then the baron jumped up wildly at the stern as -though he intended plunging into the sea. He remembered the outbreak of -cholera at Hamburg and cried: "It is the quarantine! Three days! We are -lost!" - -The next moment he sat down again in his place, hauling taut the -main-sheet and drifting before the wind, straight towards the Sound. -The chase began, but soon the steamer stood athwart the bow of the -sailing-boat, which was captured. - -The whole carefully-thought-out device of the baron to avoid the gaze -of curious eyes was defeated, and as their sailing-boat was towed into -the harbour of Hven, the unhappy pair were saluted from the bridge by -hundreds of their fellow-countrymen with derisive applause and peals of -laughter, though the latter did not know whom they were applauding. But -the chagrin of the captured pair was greater than the others guessed, -for they believed that people were ridiculing their unfortunate love -affair. - -To make matters worse the baron had unpardonably insulted the -quarantine doctor by upbraiding him on board the steamer. Therefore no -special consideration was shown them, but they were treated like all -others who come from a cholera-infected port. Since their incognito was -bound to be seen through sooner or later, they went about in perpetual -fear of discovery. Full of suspicion, they believed every other hour -that they were recognised. - -No one would have the patience to read the story of the torture of -those three days. So much is known, that the first day she spent in -weeping for her child, while he walked about the island. The second day -she enlarged upon the excellent qualities of her husband as contrasted -with the execrable ones of her lover. On the third day she cursed him -for having taken her away, and when she ended by calling him an idiot -for not having obeyed her own and the boat-owner's advice to avoid -Hven, he gave her a box on the ear.... On the fourth day when they were -really discovered, and newspapers arrived with the whole story, they -went into a crevice in the rocks to hide their shame. - -When at last two steamers came to fetch the unfortunates, each went on -board a different one. And after that day they never saw nor knew each -other again. - - * * * * * - -It was nearly midnight when the reading was ended. An interval of -silence followed, but the postmaster felt he must say something. "One -generally says 'thanks'!" he remarked. "Meanwhile, after you have -said all, there is not much to add: I will only ask myself, you, and -everyone a general question: 'What is love?'" - -"What is love? Answer: 'I don't know.' Love has been called a piece -of roguery on the part of Nature. I don't believe that, for I know -that Nature has neither made itself nor can it think out pieces of -roguery. But if we accept that proposition, we descend to zoology, and -that I do not wish to do. I do not share the theoretical veneration -for woman which my contemporaries cherish; on the other hand, I -instinctively place her higher than ourselves. She seems to me to be -formed out of finer material than we men, but I may be wrong, for she -seems to be furnished with more animal functions than we are. If I were -a theosophist, I should believe she was only a kind of intermediary -chrysalis stage on the way to man, only a temporary manifestation, out -of which love, i.e. man's love, creates in, her possibilities of being -and seeming. When he finds this really lifeless form of existence and -breathes his immortal breath into it, he shares the Creator's joy on -the seventh day. The process of refining, which his coarser substance -hindered him bringing about in his own soul, he brings about in hers, -and through reaction--no! it is too difficult for me to explain; it -is like dividing an angle into three equal parts. Anyhow, the fact is -certain, and my story is an illustration of it, that when a man is -deceived in his love as he always is, his whole being revolts against -the government of the world, which seems to him to have condescended -to mock at his holiest possession, the holiest thing in all creation. -If Providence is consonant with such deceit and such coarse jesting -then he discovers a devil where he thought he had seen a good angel. -After that what shall he trust, what shall he value, at what shall he -not make a grimace? And when after marriage the veil falls, and like -Adam and Eve they are naked and ashamed, then even the most unbelieving -is conscious of something resembling the Fall. Then comes a fresh error -and they think they have deceived each other, which they have not done. -So they scourge each other for crimes which neither has committed. A -second deception follows the first." - -They were again silent. Then the postmaster gave the conversation -another turn and descended to the earth. "You can guess that I, at any -rate, recognise the lady of your story. She lives in her own little -house, here on the island by the shore." - -"Yes she does! I know her, and I was quarantine doctor at Hven when she -was captured. Now that she is elderly she has renewed her acquaintance -with me, and it is from her own mouth that I heard the story. She -has been in love countless times, and declares that every time she -believed she had found the right man who had been predestined for her -from the foundation of the world." - -"Does not reason feel its helplessness before such riddles, riddles of -every day?" - -"Yes and therefore ... yes, next Saturday you shall hear another story, -and I think we shall approach the riddle a little more closely, i.e. we -shall find its insolubility more strongly proved." - -"I shall be glad to hear it. But why don't you have your stories -printed?" - -"Because I have been a doctor, and a woman's doctor. I have no right to -reveal what I have heard in my official capacity. Sometimes I should -like to be a writer with a prescriptive right to find material for his -art in men's lives and destinies; but that is a calling and a task -which is denied to me." - -"Very well; good night till next Saturday." - -When Saturday evening came round, the two old men sat in the corner -room with their toddy and tobacco and a large pile of manuscript on the -table. The postmaster looked a little nervously at it, as a child might -at a family book of sermons. - -"We can give two evenings to it," said the doctor soothingly. - -"Ah no! we have the whole evening before us and to-morrow is Sunday. -Fire ahead! We will have an interval for refreshments." - -The doctor began to read at six o'clock and had finished when it struck -eleven. - - - - -THE DOCTOR'S SECOND STORY - - -I - - -He had left his Christiania full of bitterness because a public -injustice had been done him. At forty years of age he had written the -best modern drama and had invented a new form of play with a new plot -which answered the expectations of the generation which was growing -up. But the older generation was still alive, and spectators, actors, -and critics felt that their ideals were leaving them in the lurch, and -that they themselves would be involved in their fall. If the public -taste took a new direction which they could not follow, they would -be regarded as superannuated, and be left behind. Accordingly his -masterpiece had been called idiotic and had been hissed off the stage, -and it had been suggested to him that he should return to America, -where he had already been and left his wife, from whom he was separated. - -But, instead of going to America, he went to Copenhagen. In the centre -of the city he set up a restaurant where he foregathered with Swedes -and Finns. After some months' delay he succeeded in getting his drama -performed at a Copenhagen theatre. It was decidedly successful and his -reputation was saved. He had felt that he had done with life, but now -he began to wake up and to look about him. But when he did enter into -life again, he did so with dull resignation and an almost fatalistic -spirit which found expression in his favourite motto: "Prepared for -everything!" - -His dramatic success resulted in his receiving social invitations. One -evening he went to a soiree at a distinguished author's, round whom -the younger stars in art and literature were accustomed to gather. -The supper was long and brilliant, but several unoccupied places were -waiting for guests who should arrive after the theatres had closed. At -half-past ten there was a stir in the company, for the expected guests -came--three ladies and three men all unknown to the Norwegian. But one -of the three ladies greeted him as an acquaintance and reached the -stranger her hand. Immediately afterwards he asked the hostess in a -whisper who it was. - -"Who is it? Miss X---- of course! You talked with her at Doctor E----'s -supper." - -"Really! It is strange that with my good memory I cannot recall her -appearance. One evening lately, in a well-lit theatre lobby, I passed -her without a greeting." - -"Of course you don't see that she is pretty." - -"Is she?" He leant forward to look at the young lady who had taken her -seat far down the table. "Yes she doesn't look bad." - -"Fie! Fie! She is a celebrated beauty of the best Copenhagen type." - -"Oh! Formerly I only admired blondes but latterly have confined my -admiration to brunettes." Then they talked of something else. After -supper the company gathered in the drawing-room and the beautiful -Dane and the Norwegian sat so close together that he put her cup down -for her. When she asked who would escort her home, he answered: "I of -course," and his escort was accepted. When at last the company broke -up, he and she found themselves in the same mysterious way so deep in -conversation that a group of ladies and gentlemen formed a circle round -them with a mischievous air to watch them. The pair, however, did not -observe this, but continued to talk. As they went down the steps they -heard a "good night!" and a ringing laugh overhead from the young and -charming hostess who was leaning over the balcony-railing. They went -along the shore, and past the bridges, continuing their conversation -without a pause. When they came to X---- Street she invited him to -supper the following evening to meet a young female artist. But she -prepared him to find her surroundings very simple, as she was staying -in a pension kept by a strict old lady. Then they parted as though they -had been old acquaintances and colleagues. - -As he walked home alone through the night, and tried to recall the -events of the evening to his mind, he noticed again the curious fact -that he could not remember her appearance. Yet as a former reporter, -he had been so accustomed to photograph people and scenes, landscapes -and interiors with his eye that he could not understand it. Moreover, -he observed that she was quite a different person this evening to -what she had been the first time they met. There was now no trace -of "independence" about her, only a mild yieldingness, a certain -melancholy, which became her well and aroused sympathy. When they -talked of the unfortunate fate of a certain person, there were tears -in her voice. It was the voice which he remembered more than anything -else about her--somewhat deep and melancholy with a slight accent -which carried one far away from the great town and awoke memories of -wood and sea, the sounds of nature, shepherds' huts, and hay-rakes. -He now recollected how they had really treated her like a child the -previous evening, had teased her about her writings, and asked her -for recommendations, at which she had only smiled. She also had the -unfortunate habit of letting fall naive expressions, which were really -seriously meant, but sometimes had a repellent effect. - -The only one who had taken her seriously was himself, the foreigner. -And he had seen that she was no child but a woman with whom he could -speak of men and books and all that interested him, without once having -to explain his remarks. - -When he awoke the next morning, he tried to call to his mind the events -and persons of the previous day. It was his habit, when he made a new -acquaintance, to seek in his memory for the "corresponding number," as -he called it, in order to get a clear idea of his character; i.e. he -thought which of his old friends most nearly resembled the person in -question. This psychical operation was often performed involuntarily, -i.e. when he tried to call up the image of his new acquaintance, the -figure of an old one rose up in his mind and more or less obliterated -the latter. When he now recalled his yesterday's memories of Miss -X---- he saw her with an elderly married cousin, to whom he had always -felt indifferent. This suppressed any sentimental feeling, if any -were present, and he only thought of her as a kindly woman-friend. -Accordingly, in the evening, he felt perfectly calm and without a -trace of that embarrassment which one sometimes feels in attempting -to make oneself agreeable to a young lady. He was received with -perfect frankness as an old acquaintance and led into a lady's boudoir -elegantly furnished with a well-appointed writing-table, flower-plants, -family portraits, carpets, and comfortable chairs. - -Since the lady painter had been prevented coming, he had to be content -with a _tete-a-tete_, and this somewhat jarred on his sense of -propriety. But his hostess's simple and unaffected manner caused him to -suppress some remarks which might have hurt her feelings. - -So they sat opposite each other and talked. Her black silk dress had -blue insets and was cut in the "empire style," with dark lace trimmings -which hung from her shoulders like a sleigh-net. This gave her a -somewhat matronly appearance, and when he noticed her tone like that -of an experienced woman of the world, he thought for a moment: "She is -divorced!" Her face, which he could now examine in full light, showed -a flat forehead which looked as though it had been hammered smooth and -betokened a determined will without obstinacy. The eyes were large and -well-defined as with Southerners. The nose seemed to have altered its -mind while growing, for it took a little bend in the middle and became -Roman by degrees. This little unexpected "joy-ful surprise" lent a -cameo-like charm to her profile. - -Their conversation was still more lively this evening, for they had -already amassed a small store of common experiences to discuss, -acquaintances to analyse, and ideas to test. They sat there and cut -out silhouettes of their friends, and as neither of them wished to -seem spiteful, they cut them in handsome shapes, and not with pointed -scissors. - -During this innocent interchange of thought, he had glanced at a -very large flower-basket full of splendid roses. She had divined -his thoughts, and just as a servant brought in a bottle of wine and -cigarettes, she got up and went towards the roses. - -("She is engaged!" he thought and felt himself superfluous.) - -"I was given these by a friend on his departure," she said. - -But in order to show that she was not engaged she broke off a stem -carelessly. It was fastened with wire, and she had to look for her -scissors. As these were in her work-basket on the lowest shelf of her -work-table, she knelt down and remained kneeling. She remained in that -attitude while she fastened two of the finest roses in his buttonhole, -and she only needed to stretch out an arm to reach a glass of wine and -drink to his health. - -"'Roses and wine!' I have used that as a refrain for a ballad," he -said. He thought the situation somewhat strange but insignificant in -itself. - -"Oh! do repeat the ballad!" - -He had forgotten it. - -She rose up and sat on her chair, and he persuaded her to tell him -something of her life. She had early left her parents, who lived -separated without being divorced, for they were Catholics. She had been -educated in convent-schools in London, Paris, Italy, and elsewhere. -In Paris especially, when with English ladies, she had been bothered -with religion, but had finally thrown it all overboard. She certainly -felt an emptiness without it, but expected, like everyone else, that -some new substitute was coming into the world. Meanwhile, like her -contemporaries, she devoted her energies to the deliverance of humanity -from pauperism and oppression. She had superficially studied Nietzsche -among others and laid him aside again after finding in him a slight -corrective to over-strained expectations of universal equality. - -While she was talking, he noticed that light fell through a curtain -behind her back, which screened a door apparently leading into the -interior of the house. Like lightning the thought struck him that -he might be the object of a joke, and was to be surprised in the -ridiculous position of a woman-worshipper. Or perhaps it was only -for propriety's sake that communication was kept open with the main -building. This wholesome doubt kept their conversation free from all -tincture of flirtation, and when supper was served he reproached -himself for having suspected his hostess of evil purposes or a want of -trust in him. - -About half-past eight he was about to go, but she only needed to -express a suspicion that he was longing for the cafe to make him -remain. About half-past nine o'clock he was going again but was kept -back. - -"But," he remonstrated, "it is my part as the elder and more prudent to -spare you any unpleasantness." - -She understood nothing, but declared that she was independent and that -the lady who kept the pension was accustomed to her suppers. - -At last his instinct told him that it was a mistake to stay longer; -he rose and took his leave. On his way home, he said to himself, "No, -people are not so simple, and cannot be labelled by formulas, for I -don't comprehend an atom of this evening or of this woman." - -The next time they met it was in a museum. Her outer dress made her -look like a young married woman of thirty or more. Her mouth had a -tired expression and had fine little wrinkles near it, as is the -case with those who laugh often. But she was melancholy, hinted at -having had a breach with her father, and spoke of taking her departure -shortly. She inquired regarding her friend's relations to theatres and -publishers, and offered to help him with advice and influence. To-day -she was mere motherly tenderness, and a certain carelessness in her -toilet suggested that she did not want to please as a woman. - -But when she proposed that they should go to the theatre together he -declined, from a feeling that he ought not to compromise her, nor -expose himself to danger, for his precarious pecuniary position did not -permit him to think of a love affair. - -He proposed to her instead that they should go for a stroll together, -and she suggested that he should escort her from her new lodging, for -she had changed her rooms. - -("They have given her notice at the pension, because of me," he -thought, but said nothing.) - -By this time his curiosity as an author was aroused, and he wished to -learn the riddle of this woman, for he had never seen any other change -their appearance as she did. - -When in the evening he rang at her door, he was shown into a side room -and asked to wait. When she was dressed he was let out into the front -hall, where they met. This, then, was a new order of things. - -They went westward by an empty street which led to the Zoological -Gardens, and entered a restaurant which she seemed to know well. In her -fur jacket and with a kerchief on her head she looked in the dark like -an old woman, and as she stooped somewhat, she seemed to have something -witchlike about her. But when they entered the well-lit restaurant, -and she laid aside kerchief and jacket she stood revealed all at once -in her youthful beauty. A moss-green, tightly fitting dress showed -the figure of a girl of eighteen, and with her hair brushed smooth, -she looked like an overgrown schoolgirl. He could not conceal his -astonishment at this witchery, and looked her all over as though he -were seeking a concealed enemy with a searchlight. ("Eros! Now I am -lost!" he thought. And from that moment he was indeed.) - -She saw quite well the effect she had produced, and seemed to glisten -there in a sort of phosphorescent light, sure of victory, with a -triumphant expression round her mouth, for she saw that he was -conquered. He felt a sudden fear. She had his soul in her pocket, and -could cast it into the river or into the gutter; therefore he hated -her at the same time. He saw that his only chance of safety lay in -awakening a reciprocal flame in her, so that she might be as closely -bound to him as he was to her. With this half-conscious purpose, he -did what every man in his place would have done--insinuated himself -into her confidence, made himself as little as a child and aroused her -sympathy, the sympathy of a woman for a lacerated and damned soul which -has no more hope of happiness. She listened to him and received his -confidence as a tribute, with calm majestic motherliness, without a -trace of coquetry or pleasure at hearing of another's misfortune. - -When at last, after eating a cold supper, they were about to go, he -rose to look up a train in a railway guide. When he returned to the -table and wished to pay the bill, the waiter informed him that it -had already been paid by the lady! Then he flared up, and wrongly -suspecting that she thought he had no money, demanded that at any rate -he should pay for himself. - -"I don't know the customs of your country," he said, "but in mine a man -who lets a lady pay for him is dishonoured." - -"You were my guest," she answered. - -"No, we went out together, and we cannot come here again. Don't you -know what kind of a reputation you will give me, and by what a hateful -name this waiter may call me?" - -When he recalled the waiter to make good the mistake, there was another -scene, so that he rose angrily and laid his share on the table. She was -sad, but would not acknowledge herself in the wrong. They were both out -of humour, and he noticed that she was thoughtless, just as thoughtless -as when she invited a gentleman alone to her room so late in the -evening. Or was it an expression of feminine independence demanding -to be treated exactly like a man in spite of propriety and prejudice? -Perhaps it was the latter, but he fell it to be a piece of presumption, -and was angry. There threatened to be an uncomfortable silence between -them as they walked home, but she put out her hand and said in a kind, -confidential voice: "Don't be cross." - -"No I am not that, but, but ... never do it again." - -They parted as friends, and he hurried to the cafe. He had not been -there for a long time, partly through a certain dislike to the tone -prevailing there, which no longer harmonised with his present mood, -and partly because he had promised his friend to be moderate. He found -the usual company, but felt somewhat out of place, and made a clear -resolve never to bring her there. Accordingly, he soon went home and -sank in meditations which were partly gloomy and partly bright. When -he recollected the moment of emergence of the youthful beauty from -the fur skin of the animal there seemed to him something weird and -ominous about it. It was not the youthful beauty which is clothed in -reflections from a paradise of innocence, but a dark, demoniac beauty -which becomes a man's death, the grave of his virile will, and which -leads to humiliation, ruin, and disgraceful bargaining. But it is as -inevitable and unescapable as Fate. - -The next day he was invited, together with her, to dinner at an art -professor's. She then appeared in a new character, talking like a woman -of the world in a confident tone, firing off smart sayings and epigrams -and never at a loss for an answer. At intervals she seemed indifferent, -blase, and cruel. - -The professor, who had just been sitting on a jury, told us that he had -joined in giving a verdict of guilty against a child murderess. - -"I should have acquitted her," said Miss X----. The professor, who -belonged to the Danish Academy and had the entree to the Court, was -astonished, but did not argue with her. He construed her answer as a -burst of caprice and let the matter drop. The conversation at table was -somewhat forced. The Norwegian, who had been invited by the lady of the -house, did not feel at ease in this circle where everything revolved -round the Court. Probably his friend had arranged this invitation with -the kind intention of making him known and of investing him, who had -the reputation of being half an anarchist, with an air of gentility. -The discord was felt when the talk turned upon Art, and the professor -was in a minority of one with his opinions and academic ideals. - -Therefore, when at dessert time his hostess asked the Norwegian whether -he would come to one of her receptions, where he would have the -opportunity of meeting many celebrities, she received such a sharp look -from her husband, that the Norwegian declined the invitation decidedly. -Just then the Scandinavians were in ill favour in the higher circles of -society because a Norwegian artist by his new style of painting had -caused a schism in the Academy. - -Again he had let himself be enticed by his friend's thoughtlessness. -She had brought him into a circle to which he did not belong and in -which he was not welcome. On the other hand she seemed to notice -nothing of it, but was as much at home and at her ease as before. - -After dinner there was music. The young beauty behaved as though her -friend was not there and never looked at him at all. When the party -broke up, she took leave of him as though of a stranger, and let -herself be escorted home by someone else. - - - -II - - -It was a Sunday afternoon in February. They were walking in one of the -outer streets of the city towards the west, where they were sure to -meet no acquaintances. Finally they entered a restaurant which lay off -the road. She spoke of her approaching departure, and he said he would -miss her society. - -"Come along too," she said simply and openly. - -"Yes," he answered, "it is really all the same to me where I stay." - -That was an idea which seemed to drive away certain clouds. She now -began to speak of Berlin, the theatrical prospects there, and so on. - -"But," he objected, "it would be too far from my children." - -"Your children! Yes, I have often thought of them. Have you their -portraits with you? Do let me see them!" - -He really had the portraits with him, and as she repeated her wish, -he showed them. The two girls did not interest her much but she was -delighted at the eight-year-old fair boy with the upturned look. "What -a lovely child's face! Isn't it a happiness to have such a child!" - -"To have it to-day, and lose to-morrow!" he replied. - -She now examined the photograph more exactly and began to compare it -with the father somewhat too closely. He began to feel some of that -shyness which a man feels before a woman when she assumes this role. - -"It is you," she said, "and not you also." - -He asked for no explanation, and she requested that she might keep the -portrait by her. - -They resumed the discussion of the proposed journey, but she was -absent-minded and often let her looks rest on the photograph. - -He could not guess what was in her mind but he noticed that there -was a struggle of some kind and that she was on the point of forming -a resolution. He felt how a network of fine sucker-like tendrils -spread from her being and wove itself into his. Something fateful was -impending. He felt depressed, longed for the circle of male friends -whom he had abandoned, and asked her to release him from his promise -not to go any more to the cafe. - -"Are you longing to go down _there_ again?" she said in a motherly -voice. "Think of your little son!" - -They went out silent in the dark but starlit evening. He had for the -first time offered her his arm and the cape of his coat flapped loose -in the wind and struck her face. "I have already dreamt this once," she -said. But he gave no answer. - -When they came to her door, she took him by both hands, looked him in -the eyes and said: "Don't go to your friends." Then she let her veil -drop, and before he divined her intention, printed a kiss through the -veil on his mouth. As he stretched out his arms to embrace her, she -was already behind the door, and closed it. He stood there completely -crestfallen without being able to understand how it had happened. -Then came the conclusion: "She loves me and has not been playing with -me." But what audacity! It is true she let her veil fall, for she was -modest, and fled, alarmed at what she had done. It was original, but -not bold-faced; other countries, other manners! - -But for a man it was somewhat humiliating to receive the first sign of -love and not to bestow it. Yet he would never have dared to run the -risk of a possible box on the ears and a scornful laugh. It was well -that it had happened; now he had certainty, and that was enough. - -She loved him! Since he was loved, he could say to himself: "I am not -so bad after all if someone can look up to me and believe good of me." -This awoke his self-respect, hope, and confidence. He felt himself -young again, and was ready to begin a new spring. It was true that -he had only shown her his good side, but his habit of suppressing -his worse nature for the occasion had brought his better nature into -prominence. This was the secret of the ennobling influence of real -love. He played the part of the magnanimous till it became a second -nature. The fact that he discovered her beauty, and was delighted with -her as a woman later on was a further guarantee that the stages of -their love affair had developed themselves in orderly progression, and -that he had not been merely captivated by a beautiful exterior. He had -indeed guessed her defects and overlooked them, for that is the duty of -love, and the chief proof of its genuineness, for without forbearance -with faults there is no love. He went home and wrote the inevitable -letter. It ended with the words: "Now the man lays his head in your lap -as a sign that the good in you overcomes the evil in him, but do not -misuse your power, for then you must expect the usual fate of tyrants." - -The next morning he sent off the letter by a messenger. Ilmarinen his -Finnish friend stood by the head of his bed and looked mysterious. -"Well!" he said. "Are you going to try once more?" - -"Yes, so it appears." - -"And you dare to?" - -"If it comes to the worst, I only dare to be unhappy, and one is -unhappy anyhow." - -"Yes, yes." - -"It is a change at any rate, and this lonely life is no life." - -Instead of an answer to his letter he received a telegram with a -request to meet her that evening at the office of an editor who might -be useful to them. - -In answer to this he sent a message by telegram: "I don't come till I -have received an answer to my letter." - -Again came a telegram, in which she asked to be allowed to postpone her -answer till the next day. - -He thought the whole affair nonsensical but went to keep the -appointment. She seemed as though nothing had happened; they ate their -supper and discussed business. The editor was a married man, and -pleasant, nor did he seem to wish his visitors to worship him. - -This evening, however, the Norwegian thought her ugly. She was -carelessly dressed, had ink on her fingers, and she talked so -exclusively of business that she lost all her ideal aspect. He had -experienced much in his life, and seen many strange people, but anyone -so eccentric as this woman he had never seen. He went home with a -feeling of relief, firmly resolved not to follow her to Berlin, nor to -link his destiny any closer with hers. The next morning he received her -letter; this strengthened him still further in his resolve to withdraw. -She wrote that she was one of those women who cannot love. ("What sort -of a woman is that? A mere phrase!" he thought.) He believed that he -loved her but he was only in love with her love. ("Alexandre Dumas I -think!") She still desired, however, to remain his friend and asked him -to meet her that day. - -He answered this with a farewell letter of thanks. - -Then there rained on him telegrams and express messengers. - -Towards evening a hotel waiter entered his room and announced that a -lady in a carriage was waiting below to see him. At first he thought of -declining to go down, but she might come to his room, and then the bond -would be made fast. Accordingly he went down, entered the carriage, -and without reflection or saying anything they gave each other a kiss, -which seemed perfectly natural. There ensued a stormy conversation -which was extremely like a quarrel. She asked that he should accompany -her that very night on her journey, but he gave a decided refusal. If -they were seen together, to-morrow the "elopement" would be in all the -newspapers. That he could not bring his conscience to agree to, both on -account of her parents and his own children. He also told her that he -was dependent on other people's help, and that as soon as he was known -as an adventurer all these resources would dry up. - -"Then you don't love me!" - -"What nonsense you talk, child." - -He had to laugh at her. They got out of the cab and continued their -contest in a little green lane which led down to the shore. - -Now and then he put his arm round her neck and silenced her mouth with -a kiss. - -"I have seen that you are cracked, but I myself am half-mad, you see, -and you won't get the better of me." - -"I will jump into the sea!" she shrieked. - -"Very well! I will follow, and can swim." - -At last he got her to laugh. Then they entered a cafe in order to -arrive at a final decision. Now he had the upper hand and treated her -like a naughty girl, and curiously enough, as soon as he had assigned -this role to her, she took it up and maintained it. - -Did these two love each other now? Yes, certainly, for he knew how tied -he was, and she had already, as appeared later on, confessed her love -in a letter to her mother, adding that he was to know nothing of it, -for then she would immediately be brought under the yoke of subjection. - -The final decision they arrived at was that she should travel alone, -and they made no promises to each other. They were to correspond -and see whether they would be able to meet in the summer; when his -position was more secure they would think of betrothal and marriage. - -They parted, and did not see each other again for a long time. - -He went immediately afterwards to look up his old friends in the cafe. -There in his own circle he wished to find himself again, for during -this month's exclusive living with a woman, he had become loosed from -his own environment, lost his foothold, and built up a common life -on the shaky foundation of the temperament of a young girl, whom his -passion had transformed into a mature woman. Her last outbreak of anger -had revealed a fury who believed that she could compel him to blind -obedience. During this her face had exhibited all possible changes from -the broad grin of Punch to the hissing of the cat which shows its white -claws. He breathed more lightly, experienced a sensation of relief, and -entered the cafe feeling as though he had left something oppressive -behind him, something happily over and done with! - -The Swede sat there, and probably the gossip regarding the Norwegian's -engagement had caused him to bring his lady friend with him. She was -a tall fragile-looking Swede who seemed to be emaciated by illness; -she had a mournful, despairing sort of voice, a drawling accent and -drooping eyes. As an artist, although obscure she was "emancipated" as -the phrase is, but not free from the feminine vanity of being able to -appear with a number of male hangers-on, whom she boasted of having -made conquests of. Her thoughts had long turned upon the Norwegian. -When they met, she found him novel and full of surprises. At the same -time he brought with him the fire of his newly kindled flame. Within -half an hour she had neither eyes nor ears for her old friend. When at -last she snapped at him, he stood up and asked her to come with him. -"You can go," she answered. And he went. - -In less than an hour she had broken with her friend of many years and -formed a tie with the Norwegian who an hour and a half before had -kissed his fiancee at parting. He asked himself how that was possible, -but took no time to reflect on it. She possessed the advantage of -being able to understand him completely; he was able to speak out his -thoughts after a long imprisonment; he needed only to give a hint -in order to be understood. She drank in the eloquence of his words, -seemed to follow the sudden leaps of his thought, and probably received -answers to many questions which had long occupied her mind. But she -was ugly and ill-dressed, and he sometimes felt ashamed at the thought -that he might be suspected of being her admirer. Then he felt an -unspeakable sympathy with her which she interpreted to mean that she -had made a conquest of him. - -They went out into the town and wandered from cafe to cafe, continually -talking. Sometimes his conscience pricked him, sometimes he felt -a repulsion to her, because she had been faithless to her friend. -Faithlessness indeed was the link which united them, and they felt -as if Destiny had driven them to commit the same wrong on the same -evening. She had at once inquired about his engagement and he had at -first given an evasive answer; but as she had continued to ask with -comrade-like sympathy he had told her the whole story. But in doing -so he spoke of his love, he became enthusiastic; she warmed herself -at the glow and seemed to be a reflection of "the other." So the two -images coincided, and the absent maiden, who should have been a barrier -between them, was the one who brought them near each other. - -The next day they met again, and she never seemed tired of discussing -his engagement. She was in a critical mood and began to express -doubts whether he would be happy. But she went carefully to work, -showed indulgence, and only attempted purely objective psychological -analysis. She also understood how to withdraw a severe expression at -the right time in order not to frighten him away. - -Now as ill-luck would have it, he received at noon a letter from his -fiancee which was the answer to the stormy one he had written when they -parted. In her letter she only wrote of business matters, gave good -advice in a superior tone, in a word was pedantic and narrow-minded. -Not a trace of the pretty young girl was to be found in the letter. -This put him out of humour and aroused his disgust to such a degree -that when he met his new friend, with a ruthless joy in destruction he -proceeded to analyse his fiancee under the microscope. The Swede was -not backward with her feminine knowledge of feminine secrets to put the -worst interpretation on all the details which he narrated. He had cast -his lamb to the she-wolf, who tore the prey asunder while he looked on. - -At the beginning of April, that is three weeks later, the Norwegian -sat in the cafe one afternoon with Lais, as she was called, after she -had become the friend of the company in general, not of anyone in -particular. He sat there with a resigned air, "prepared for everything" -as usual. It had been difficult to keep his engagement alive by means -of the post, and it had become still more uncertain after the news had -reached her father's ears and brought him to despair. He was a Minister -of State, lived at Odense, went to Court when he was in the capital, -and wore twelve orders. He would rather shoot himself than be the -father-in-law of a notorious nihilist. In order to put an end to the -affair the old man had dictated his conditions, which were of course -impossible. - -The Norwegian must pay all his debts and give a guarantee that he -would have a regular and sufficient income. Since a writer of plays -has nothing guaranteed, but is dependent on popular favour, the wooer -considered his proposal withdrawn, and regarded himself as unfettered, -and indeed he was so. Moreover, thus humiliating correspondence about -pecuniary matters had cooled his devotion, for love letters which were -full of figures and motherly advice, practical items of information -about publishers and so on, were not inspiring to read for a literary -free-lance. And as the correspondence slackened, and finally ceased, he -considered himself entirely free. - -With her usual vanity, Lais had ascribed to herself the honour of -having dissolved his engagement, although there was no reason for her -doing so. Moreover, in the last few days a circumstance had happened -which was fortunate for his future. Another friend of Lais had -arrived from the north, and as he was one of her admirers she had such -assiduous court paid to her that she did not notice how the Norwegian -was slackening in his attentions. - -In order to celebrate the arrival of the newcomer, the last few -days had been a continual feast, and now they were in that strange -condition, when the soul is, so to speak, loosed from its bearings and -utters its thoughts without distinction and without regard. - -Lais was possessed by the not unusual idea that she was irresistible, -and liked to produce the impression that all her male friends, even -those who had dropped her, were dismissed admirers. Now she wished -to show her newly arrived friend how well she was provided with them -and began to skirmish with the Norwegian. Since he had long cherished -towards her the hate which is born of imprudently bestowed confidences, -he seized the opportunity to bring about the breach without scandal, -in a word to dispose of her without disgrace to either of them. Under -some pretext, or perhaps with a foreboding that something was about to -happen, he took his leave and left the other two together. But Lais -pressed him to remain, probably to gain an opportunity of leaving him -alone, when she went out with her friend. Here, however, she had made -a miscalculation. Making a gesture of invitation to the new-comer, the -Norwegian went out after saying the last word: "Now I leave you alone!" - -When he came out on the street, he had a certain uneasy suspicion -that he had left something unfinished behind him, and had something -unexpected before him. He thought he heard the hissing voice of the -woman he had left. She never opened her lips, which were sharply -defined, like those of a snake, when she spoke, but brought the words -straight out of her throat, which was always hoarse through her sitting -up at night drinking and smoking. Such a voice in women he called a -"porter voice" because it always reminded him of that black drink and -its concomitants. - -Such is friendship with women--either it ends in love or in hatred just -like love! - -When he came to his hotel, the waiter handed him a local telegram. -"That is what brought me home," he said to himself. His experiences had -made him believe in telepathy to such a degree that he was in the habit -of saying when in company and there was talk of sending for some absent -person: "Shall we telepath to him?" - -Before he opened the telegram he believed he knew the contents, and -when he had read, he felt as though he had done so before, and was not -surprised. The telegram ran thus: "I am here; look me up at Doctor -----'s. Important news." - -He stood still for two minutes in order to form a resolution. When the -waiter came he asked him to telephone to the friendly doctor, who had -a private hospital of his own and enjoyed a very good reputation. The -doctor came at once and explained the situation: "Are you thinking of -drawing back?" he asked. - -"No, but I must collect myself, and sleep for twelve hours, for my -nerves are out of control. I will send a telegram to say that I am -not well. She will not believe that, but will come herself; I beg you -therefore to wait for half an hour." - -The telegram went off, and in half an hour steps were heard along the -corridor. She entered, dressed in black and at first full of suspicion. -But to be able to consult with the doctor gave her an advantage which -pleased her. She said she would come next morning together, with the -doctor, and then she went, after secretly imprinting a kiss on the -patient's hand. - -"You must not play with your feelings," said the doctor who remained -behind. "This woman loves you and you love her. That is as plain as a -pikestaff." - -The Norwegian lay alone all the evening and sought to find some guiding -thread through all this chaos, but in vain. What a tangled thicket -was the human soul! How could one bring it into order? It passed from -hate to contempt over esteem and reverence and then back again with -one bound sideways and two forwards. Good and evil, sublime and mean, -uniting treachery with deathless love, kisses and blows, insulting -reproaches and boundless admiration. Since he knew the human soul he -had adopted it as one of his fundamental principles never to balance -accounts, never to go backwards, but always forwards. When in the -beginning of their acquaintance she had wished to refer to something -which he had said on a previous occasion he interrupted her: "Never -look back! Only go forwards! One talks a lot of nonsense on the spur of -the moment. I have no views but only speak impromptu, and life would be -very monotonous if one thought and said the same things every day. It -should be something new! Life is only a poem, and it is much jollier -to float over the marsh than to stick one's feet in it and to feel for -firm ground which is not there." - -This must have suited her own ideas of life, for she was immediately -ready to adopt this role. Therefore they found each other always novel, -and always full of surprises. They could not take each other too -seriously, and often when one of them attacked his or her own discarded -views with the other's opinions of the day before, they were obliged to -laugh at their own foolishness. Thus they were never clear about each -other, and in really serious moments they would exclaim simultaneously: -"Who are you? What are you really?" and neither of them could answer. - -As he was on the point of falling asleep, he thought, "I shall make no -resolve, for I have never seen a resolve lead to anything. The course -of events may guide my destiny as it has done hitherto." - -The next morning she came without waiting for the doctor. She had put -on a wise air, as if she understood the illness thoroughly but did not -wish to descend to trifles. She took a rod out of a basket she had -brought with her. - -"What is that?" - -"That is 'the Easter rod'; to-day is Good Friday." She set up the rod -at his feet, and adorned the edge of the bed with willow-branches in -bloom. Like a little housewife she bustled about the room, surveying -and putting it in order. Finally she sat down in an easy chair. - -"Well! What is the great news?" he asked. - -"We must enter on an engagement, for the papers have announced it." - -"Have they, indeed? What about the old man?" - -"Father has resigned himself, because the matter cannot be altered; but -he is not happy. Now won't you congratulate me?" - -"You should congratulate me first, for I am the elder." - -"And the less intelligent." - -"I have the honour to congratulate you. And what a man you have got!" - -So they chatted, and soon came to the subject of their prospects. He -dictated and she wrote. Such and such plays of his accepted for the -stage.... That would be a thousand pounds. - -"Discount thirty per cent for disappointments," she said. - -"Thirty! I also reckon ninety or a hundred per cent." - -"Be sober! It is serious." And then they laughed. - -Divine frivolity! To look down on the ugly earnestness of life as if -all one had to do was to blow at it. The poet's light-hearted way of -treating economy like poetry. - -"How could one bear the miseries of life, if one did not treat them as -unrealities? If I took it seriously, I should have to weep the whole -day, and I don't want to do that." - -Dinner-time came; she laid the sofa-table, fed him, and was especially -sparing with the wine. - -"You have drunk enough now, and you must promise never to go to the -cafe again, especially with Thais." - -"Lais," he corrected her, but coloured. "You know that then?" - -"A woman of twenty-three knows everything." - -Glad to avoid a troublesome confession, he promised never to visit -the cafe again and kept his word, for that was the only penance he -could offer for his sorry behaviour. Thus they were engaged. His only -social intercourse consisted in her company, while she continued to -go to families which she knew, to visit theatres, and so on, for this -belonged to her work as a newspaper correspondent. In case of an -eventual struggle for power, she had all the advantages on her side, as -she moved in an environment from which she derived moral support and -fresh impulses, while he was thrown back on himself and his previous -observations. They lived really like playfellows, for he never read -what she wrote in the newspapers, while she had read all his writings -but never referred to them. There was no consciousness shown on either -side that he was a mature and well-known author and she a young critic -of books and plays. They met simply as man and woman, and as her future -husband he had placed himself on the same level with her, not above her. - -Sometimes while they were together, he felt a prisoner, isolated and -in her power. If he were to break with her now he would stand alone -in the world, for he had got quite out of touch with his old friends -and come to dislike the life of the cafe. Moreover, he felt so grown -together with this woman, that he thought he would pine away if parted -from her. In spite of her love she could not hide the fact that she -thought she had him absolutely in her power, and sometimes she let him -feel it. But then he raged like a lion in a cage, went out and sought -his old friends, though he noticed he did not thrive among them and his -conscience pricked him for his faithlessness. She sulked for half a -day, then crept up to him, fell on her knees and was pardoned. - -"At bottom," he said once, "we hate each other because we love each -other. We fear to lose our individualities through the assimilating -force of love, and therefore we must sometimes have a breach in order -to feel that I am not you, and you are not I." - -She agreed, but it was no remedy against the spirit of revolt, the -struggle of the ego for self-justification. She loved him as a woman -loves a man, for she thought him handsome, although he was ugly. He, -for his part, demanded neither respect nor admiration but only a -measure of trust, and a friendly demeanour. She was generally sparkling -and cheerful, playful, without being teasing, yielding and gracious. - -Once when he reflected over the various types of woman he had observed -in her during the beginning of their acquaintance, he could scarcely -understand how she had been able to play so many different parts. -The literary independent lady with Madame de Stael's open mouth and -loquacious tongue had entirely disappeared; the grand, pretentious -woman of the world and the _fin-de-siecle_ lady with morbid paradoxes -were also both obliterated. She saw how unpretentious he was and she -became like him. - -April came and it was high spring-time. At the same time his prospects -had brightened; some of his plays had been accepted; a novel sold for a -considerable sum; and one of his dramas was acted in Paris. An untrue -report was spread that the engaged pair had gone off together. Her -parents in Odense were disturbed and urged on the marriage. - -"Will you marry now?" she asked. - -"Certainly I will," was his reply. - -So the matter was settled! But then came difficulties. She was a -Catholic and could not marry a divorced man as long as his first wife -lived. In order to circumvent this difficulty he devised the plan of -being married in England. And so it was settled. Her sister came as -a witness to the ceremony. She was married to a famous artist, was -herself an authoress, and therefore understood how to value talent, -even when unaccompanied with earthly goods. - -Thus they began their wedding journey. - - - -III - - -It was a May morning on an island off the English coast. He had gone -with her to the extreme end of a promontory where the cliff descends -sheer into the sea. He wished to ask her something privately but did -not dare to; therefore they stood there silently staring into the blue -emptiness, seeking an object where there was none. - -They had stayed there six days without being able to marry because -through carelessness the notice of his divorce had not been published -till some months after he had obtained a decree. Accordingly it bore -so late a date that the time allowed for challenging it had not yet -elapsed. He had exchanged telegrams with the authorities; confusion and -misunderstanding caused further delay, and his fiancee's sister became -impatient. - -"Do you trust me?" he asked her. - -"Yes, I believe in your honesty, but you are an unlucky creature." - -"And your sister?" - -"What is she to believe? She does not know you. She only knows that -your assurances that the documents were valid, were incorrect." - -"She is right, but it is not my fault. What does she mean to do?" - -"She returns to-morrow, and I must go with her." - -"So then we shall be parted before we are married, and I return to life -in hotels, restaurants, and night cafes." - -"No, not that," and after a pause she added: "Let us jump into the -sea." - -He put his arm round her: "Have you ever seen a destiny like mine? -Wherever I go, I bring unhappiness and destruction with me. Think! Your -parents!" - -"Don't talk so! With patience we shall also get out of this." - -"Yes, in order to fall into something else." - -"Come! shall I blow at it?" And she blew the cloud away. There was an -outbreak of divine frivolity again and they raced home through the -fortifications and over the mines. - -In the evening the decisive telegram came, and the wedding was fixed -for the next day. It took place at first at the registry office. While -the oaths were being taken the bride fell into hysterical laughter -which nearly rendered the whole ceremony abortive, since the registrar -did not know what to make of a scene which resembled one in a lunatic -asylum. - -It was not a brilliant wedding-party which assembled in the evening -in the clergyman's house. Besides the bride's sister, four strangers ---pilots--were present as witnesses when they plighted their troth -"before God." - - * * * * * - -Fourteen days of May had passed. Both were sitting outside the -comfortable little house and watching how the migratory birds rested in -the garden before continuing their journey north-ward. - -"So quiet?" - -"How long?" - -"Eight days more. But I had not thought that marriage was such a -splendid arrangement." - -"Although they call me a woman-hater," he said, "I have always loved -woman, and although they call me a friend of immorality, I have always -held by marriage." - -"Can you imagine yourself leading a lonely life after this?" - -"No, the thought chokes me." - -"Do you know I am so happy that I am afraid?" - -"Yes, so am I. I feel as if someone were lying and spying on us. She is -called Nemesis, and follows not only guilty but also happy men." - -"What are you most afraid of?" - -"That we should part." - -"But that depends on us, I suppose." - -"Would that it did! But discord comes from without with the wind, -with the dew, with too long-continued sunshine, with the rain. Try to -explain which of us two was to blame for our last quarrel." - -"Neither!" - -"Neither of us two, then it was a third. Who is this third? In order -to give it a name people call it 'misunderstanding'; but both of our -understandings were completely clear, not disturbed at all." - -"Don't frighten me." - -"No, but be sure that the same event will happen again and that we -shall blame each other as on the last occasion." - -"Shall we not go and write now?" she broke in. - -"I cannot write." - -"Nor can I; my editor is angry because he has had no article from me -for two months." - -"And I have not had a single new idea for a whole year. What will be -the end of it?" - -The fact was that they had neutralised each other, so that there was no -more reaction on either side. Their life together now consisted of a -comfortable silence. The need to be near each other was so great that -one could not leave the room without the other following. They tried to -shut themselves in their rooms in order to work, but after a short time -one would knock at the other's door. - -"Do you know, all this is very fine, but I am becoming an idiot?" she -complained. - -"You also?" - -"I can neither read, think, nor write any more, and can hardly speak." - -"It is too much happiness, and we must seek some society, or we shall -both become silly." - -The fact was that they had both ceased to converse; they were -apparently so harmonious in all questions and predilections and -knew each other's opinions so well that there was no further need -to exchange thoughts. The same tastes, the same habits, the same -naughtinesses, the same superficial scepticism had brought them -together, and now they were welded into one like two pieces of the same -metal. Each had lost individuality and they were one. But the memory -of independence and one's own personality was still present, and a war -of liberation was impending. The sense of personal self-preservation -awoke, and when each wished to resume their own share, there was a -strife about the pieces. - -"Why don't you write?" he asked. - -"I have tried, but it is always you and about you." - -"Whether it is I, or someone else, it all comes to the same thing." - -"You mean I have no self?" - -"You are too young to have a self." - -He had better have left that unsaid, for by saying it, he woke her. - - * * * * * - -One morning there came a paper containing a notice to the effect that a -volume of his poems had appeared with a London publisher. - -"Shall we go to London?" she suggested. - -"Yes, gladly, though I don't believe these notices which I have read -so often. Anyhow, as a business journey, it can be made to pay its own -expenses." - -The resolve was carried out. They saw the little island[1] disappear -with the same joy with which they had before seen it rise out of the -mist. - -In Dover they had to stay one day at an hotel. As he returned from a -walk, he found his wife sealing up six packets, all of the same shape -and size. - -"What are you doing?" he asked. - -"It is the account of your American journey, which I am sending to some -papers I know in Denmark." - -"But you should not cut it up into sections; you know that it forms a -complete whole. Have you read it?" - -"No, I have only glanced through it; but at any rate it will bring in -some money." - -"No, it will not; for no one will print it piecemeal. Only in a single -volume would it have any value." - -She paid no attention. "Come now," she said commandingly; "we will go -to the post." - -She meant well, but was foolish; and although experience had taught him -what a dangerous adviser she was, he let her have her way, and followed. - -On the stairs, he noticed that she limped, for she had bought too tight -boots with high heels, such as were then only worn by cocottes. - -When they reached the street, she hurried on to the post, and he -followed. As he noticed how the symmetry of her little figure was -impaired by the many packages which she insisted on carrying, and how -she limped on the boot heel which she had trodden down, he was seized -with a sort of repulsion. - -It was the first time that he viewed her from behind, and he thought -involuntarily of the wood-nymph of legend, who in front was a charming -fairy, but behind quite hollow. - -The next moment he felt a remorseful horror at himself and his -thoughts. In this cruel heat the little woman was carrying the heavy -load, and had already written six long letters to editors all for his -sake. And she limped! But her brutal way of treating his work and -cutting a manuscript to pieces without having read it; treating a -literary work as a butcher does a carcass!... - -Again he felt repulsion, and again remorse, mixed with that -indescribable pain which a man feels when he sees his beloved ugly, -badly dressed, pitiful, or ridiculous. People in the street looked -after her, especially when the wind blew out her thin serge mantle, -which resembled a morning coat; it swelled out like a balloon and -spoilt her fine figure. He hurried forward to take the packets from -her; but she only waved him off, and hastened on, cheerful and -undismayed. - -When she came out of the post office, she wanted to go and buy larger -boots. He followed. Since the purchase of them would occupy half an -hour, she told him to wait outside. When at last she came out, she -walked quite comfortably for a time, but then discovered that the new -boots also were too tight. - -"What do you think of a shoemaker like that?" she said. - -"But _he_ did not make the boots too tight for you! There were larger -ones also." - -That was a dangerous commencement of the conversation, and as they -sat down at a table in a cafe, the silence was uncomfortable. They -sat opposite each other and had to look one another in the eyes; they -sought to avoid doing so, but could not, and when they were obliged to -look at each other, they turned away. - -"You would like now to be in Copenhagen with your friends," she said. -It was a good guess. But even if he could have transported himself -thither for a second, he would have wished himself back again at once. - -Her nervousness increased, and her eyes began to sparkle, but since she -was intelligent, she understood that neither of them was to blame. - -"Go for a walk," she said; "we must be away from each other for a -while, and then you will see it will be better." - -He quite agreed with her, and they parted without any bitterness. - -As he walked along by the side of the harbour, he felt his nerves -become settled and quiet. He became once more conscious of himself as -a separate and independent being; he no longer gave out emanations but -concentrated himself; he was once more an individual in his own skin. -How well he knew these symptoms, which signified nothing, but which -in spite of all attempts to explain them, persisted as a constant -phenomenon. - -Meanwhile, since he felt a positive satisfaction in her absence, the -thought stole into his mind that perpetual freedom from her would -be attended by yet greater satisfaction, and as he approached the -steam-boat pier the thought passed through his mind like a flash of -lightning: "If I go off now, I shall be in Copenhagen in two days." - -He sat down, ordered a glass of beer, lighted a cigar, and considered. - -"If I go to London," he thought, "she will get the upper hand, because -she can speak the language. I shall be led about by her like a deaf -and dumb man and shall have to sit like an idiot among my literary -friends whom she will get under her thumb. A pleasant prospect! Being -patronised by her in the Danish newspapers was already sufficiently -humiliating. I incurred an obligation to her...." - -But in the midst of his meditations he broke off, for he knew that no -character could stand such close and critical analysis. He knew also -that no one could endure being gazed at from behind and judged in -absence. Then a feeling of loneliness came over him and a consciousness -of being faithless and ungrateful. He was drawn back to her, stood up -and went quickly to the hotel. When he entered in an elevated mood -and not without sentimental feelings he was greeted by a laugh, -long-lasting and cheerful like the song of the grasshoppers. Dressed in -silk she lay there, coiled up like an Angora cat, eating sweetmeats, -and smelling of perfume. - -Then they laughed both together, as though they had seen something -comic in the street, which had nothing to do with them. - - * * * * * - -Now they were in Pimlico, between Westminster and Chelsea. They had -paid one visit and that was all. Everyone was away, all the theatres -were shut, and a perfectly tropical heat prevailed. One's soul felt -as if it would gladly shake off its fleshly husk in order to seek for -coolness up in the air. From morning to evening one felt only half -alive. - -The pressure of need had forced him unwillingly to set to work and -write. But as he had already utilised most of his experiences, he was -obliged to make use of some material which should, properly speaking, -not have been employed. However, he did violence to himself, overcame -his scruples, and began. - -"Now I am writing," he told her triumphantly, "we are saved!" - -His wife came and saw how he had filled the first sheet with letters. -After an hour she came again. He was lying on the sofa lamenting: "I -can do nothing! Let us then perish!" - -She left the room without saying a word, and when she had shut the -door, he bolted it. Then he took out of his portmanteau a green linen -bag containing a quantity of sheets of paper covered with dates. -These had been often spoken of by his friends and nicknamed the "Last -Judgment." It was an historical work, in which, from a new and bold -point of view, he treated the history of the world as a branch of -natural science. He had planned it carefully, but perhaps it was -destined never to be printed and would certainly never bring in any -money. - -After working for some time, he felt the usual restlessness which he -experienced in the absence of his second self, and went down to seek -her. - -She sat reading a book which she made a lame attempt to hide, as he -entered. By her strange manner he saw that some fateful element had -entered into their common life. - -"What are you reading?" he asked. - -"Your last book," she answered in a peculiar tone. - -"It has appeared then! Don't read it; you will poison yourself." - -It was a ruthless description of his first marriage, written in -self-defence and as a last testament, for he had intended, after -completing it, to take his life. For years the manuscript had remained -sealed up in the care of a relative, and he had never intended to print -it. But in the last spring and under the pressure of necessity, after -he had been assailed most unjustly by gossips and in the newspapers, he -had sold the book to a publisher. - -And now it had appeared and fallen into the hands of the very last -person who should have seen it. His first impulse was to snatch the -book from her, but he was restrained by the thought: "It has happened; -well, let it happen!" And with perfect calm, as though he had assisted -at his own inevitable execution, he left the room. At lunch, he noticed -the strange transformation which had taken place in his wife. Her face -wore a new expression; her looks searched his whole person, as though -she were comparing him with the man described in the book. He took for -granted that his sufferings there described would not arouse her pity, -for a woman always takes sides with her own sex. But what he could -not understand was that she seemed to recognise herself in certain -of her predecessor's characteristics. Perhaps her mind was occupied -by some still unsolved problems in the question which married people -instinctively avoid--the woman question. Certain it was, however, that -she had learnt what her husband's views were on the subject of her sex, -and they were so cynically expressed that they must give her mortal -offence. - -She did not say a word, but he saw in her face that now all chance -of peace was gone and that this woman would never rest till she had -destroyed his marriage and compelled him to shorten his life. Against -this he could only oppose his motto: "Be ready for everything," and -resolve to bear everything as long as possible, and finally when -nothing else remained, to go his own way. Then she would devour herself -in solitude for want of food for her hate. - -The next day she had hatched her egg, which proved to contain a -basilisk. - -With an air which would fain have seemed innocent, but did not, she -told him, that since he could not work, they must think of retrenching. - -"Very well," he answered. - -First of all they had to content themselves with one room. This meant -that all possibility of being his own master, of withdrawing himself, -and of collecting himself was precluded. For the future he would be -confined with his tormentress in the same cage, have no more power -over his own thoughts and inclinations, and above all, not be' able to -work at the "Last Judgment." - -"You know you cannot work!" she remarked. - -When midday came, a plate with some cold bacon and bread was set before -him. - -"You don't like soup," she said; "and hot food isn't nice in this heat." - -Then she sat down to watch him. - -"Won't you eat?" he asked. - -"No, I am not hungry," she answered, and continued to watch him. - -Then he stood up, took his hat, and prepared to go out. - -"Are you going out?" she asked; "then I will go too, and we will keep -each other company." - -He went forward with long strides and she followed him. In order to vex -her he chose the sunny side of the street by a long white wall, where -the heat was intense, and the reflected light blinded the eyes. Then he -dragged her out to Chelsea, where there was no house that could give -shade. - -She followed like an evil spirit. - -When they came to the river, he thought for a moment of pushing her -into the water, but did not. He went along the bank where lime-ships -unloaded, steam-cranes puffed out coal-smoke, and chains hindered their -walking. He hoped that she would fall and hurt herself, or be pushed -down by a workman, and wished that a coal-heaver would embrace and kiss -her--so boundless was his hate and hers. - -It was in vain that he mounted over barrels and wheel-barrows and -threaded his way through heaps of lime. He thought of jumping into the -river and swimming to the other side, but was withheld by the thought -that she perhaps could swim also. - -At last he made a wide circuit like an ox persecuted by a gadfly, -and went down to Westminster. There the back streets swarmed with -the strangest figures, like shapes seen in a nightmare. He entered -the abbey, as if to shake off a pest, but she followed, silent and -unweariable. - -Finally he had to return home, and when he got there, he sat down on -one chair, and she seated herself opposite him. - -Then he understood how a man can become a murderer, and determined to -fly, as soon as he had written for money. - -The night came, and he hoped now to be able to collect his thoughts, -and be master of himself. - -She pretended to be asleep, but he could tell by her breathing that -she did not really sleep. - -"Are you awake?" she asked. - -He was still unwise enough to answer "Yes." Now they lay there watching -which should first go to sleep. At last he did so. - -In the middle of the night he awoke, listened, and heard by her -breathing that she was asleep. - -Then his soul stretched itself, wrapped itself up in the darkness, -and enjoyed being able to think without being watched by those cold, -threatening eyes. - -She had not, however, really gone to sleep, but in the darkness he -heard her voice as before: "Are you asleep?" - -He felt the vampire which had fastened on to his soul and kept watch -even over his thoughts. Why did she spy on him except that she feared -the silent workings of his mind? She felt perhaps how he lay there, and -worked himself gradually out of the meshes of her net. He only needed -a few hours' quiet, but that he was not to have. So she denied herself -sleep in order to torment him. She would not allow herself the pleasure -of going to the city, or of visiting the libraries and museums, because -she did not wish to leave him alone. The next day he asked her whether -she wished to continue to translate his worlds, or whether he should -have recourse again to his old translators.' - -"Shall I translate _you_?" she said contemptuously. "There are better -writers to be done." - -"Why will you not rather translate me than your rubbishy authors?" - -"Take care!" she hissed. "You over-value yourself and a terrible -awakening awaits you from the dream of your imagined greatness." She -said that in a tone as if she were supported by the public opinion -of all Europe. That made a certain impression on him, for an author, -even when recognised, often seems nothing to himself but is entirely -dependent on the opinion others cherish regarding his talents. Now -he felt the bond between them snap. She hated and despised his work, -which was his only means of support, and when she sought to rob him of -courage and confidence, she was the enemy. And in dealing with an enemy -there are only two methods--either to kill him, or not to fight him but -to fly. He determined on the latter. - -He had still to wait a few days till the money came, and these days -were enough to develop his aversion. He had opportunities of witnessing -more cold, calculating malice, mischievous joy at successful thrusts, -all the feminine small-mindedness, meanness, and duplicity, but on a -larger scale. Since she knew that he could not get away for want of -money, she gave him to understand that he was her prisoner; but he was -not, however. - -The room looked like a pigsty, and the meals were so prepared as to be -purposely repulsive. Dirt and disorder prevailed to such a degree that -he felt himself in hell. With longing he thought of his lonely attic -which had always been tidy, however careless he had been about expenses. - -Two months had passed since their marriage. All smiles and even -conversation had ceased; love was changed into unreasoning hate, and he -began to find her ugly. - -On the last day before his departure, he felt obliged to speak out -in order not to explode. "You were beautiful as long as I loved you; -perhaps my love made you so, not only in my opinion. Now I find you the -ugliest and meanest character which I have met in my life." - -She answered: "I know that I have never been so malicious towards -anyone as towards you, without being able to give any reasons for it." - -"I can, though," he said. "You hate me because I am a man, and your -husband." - -He had packed his portmanteau and she was prepared for his departure. -When now the time of separation approached and she believed it would -be for ever, her hatred vanished, and behold! love was there again! - -Her tenderness and care for him knew no bounds. They spoke of the -future as though they would soon meet again. She gave him good advice -in a motherly way, but resignedly, as if in face of an unalterable -destiny which demanded their temporary separation. As they drove to -the station in an open carriage, she kissed him repeatedly in broad -daylight in the main streets. The passers-by laughed, but when the -police began to look attentively at the caressing pair, he felt the -need of caution. - -"Take care," he said, "in this country we might be imprisoned for -making love openly." - -"What do I care for that?" she answered. "I love you so much." - -He thought her again sublime in her all-defying tenderness, and they -planned to meet again in a week. His intention was to go to his -colleague Ilmarinen in the Island of Ruegen. The latter would help him -to order his affairs; then he would rent a house and they would meet -again in a fortnight at latest. - -"You see now, one cannot trust in the permanence of this hatred." - -"No, one must trust love." - -"It looks as if that had conquered." - -Their parting at the station was heart-rending, and, as he sat alone in -the railway carriage, he felt the pain of longing for her. He did not -find the sense of freedom and happiness of which he had dreamt. All the -recollections of her malice seemed to have been obliterated. - - -[Footnote 1: Heligoland.] - - - -IV - - -He went from London to Hamburg in the hope of finding acquaintances on -his arrival who would help him on to Ruegen. But he found the place as -though under a spell of enchantment; everyone had gone to the country -or somewhere else. He had to take a room in an hotel and telegraph -first to Ilmarinen in Ruegen, but the latter answered that he had no -money. Then he telegraphed to Copenhagen and Christiania and received -similar answers. - -He felt now as though he had been enticed into a trap and overpowered. -Since there had been an outbreak of cholera the previous year in -Hamburg, they expected another when the heat returned, and that was -the case just now. Therefore, if he did not get away soon, he had to -expect, not death, to which he felt indifferent, but the quarantine. - -The days passed slowly with terrible monotony, for he had no one to -talk to, and with the threatened cholera outbreak hanging over his -head. Helpless and in a perpetual rage against some invisible foe who -seemed to have a grudge against him, he felt paralysed. He dared not -move a finger in order to alter his destiny, for he feared failure and -renewed disappointment of his hopes. - -In order to pass the time he studied historical tables and wrote dates -from morning to evening. But the days were still terribly long, and -after four days he conceived a fixed idea that he would never get away -from this infernal town where nothing but buying and selling went on. -This impression became so strong that he determined to end his life in -his uncanny bedroom. He unpacked his things and put out the photographs -of his children and other relatives on the writing-table. - -Loneliness and torment made the time seem double its real length. He -began to be under the illusion that he was a native of Hamburg; he -forgot for a while his past and the fact that he was married or had -lived anywhere else than here. He regarded himself as a prisoner with -the weird feeling that he did not know what crime he had committed, -who had condemned him, or who was his jailer. But the black spectre of -cholera haunted invisibly the dirty water of the canals and watched for -him. Three times a day he asked the waiter about the cholera and always -received the same answer: "They are not sure yet." - -Then at last came a letter from his wife. She cried aloud from longing, -fear, and unrest, and wished to know where he was. He answered in the -same tone and felt wild with rage at the destiny which separated them. - -On the morning of the fifth day he discovered in a newspaper that his -Danish friend lived only half an hour's journey by rail from Hamburg. - -If he had known that before, he would not have been obliged to undergo -all these sufferings. Now, since he could not pay the hotel bill, he -resolved to depart at once and not to return. His friend would give him -money which he would send to the hotel, and he would have his things -sent after him. He took his seat in the railway carriage with the -feelings of a liberated prisoner, cast a pitying look on Hamburg and -forgave the injuries it had done him, but vowed never to honour it with -another visit, unless compelled. - -His half-hour's journey put him in a good humour, and his mouth -watered at the prospect of being able to give expression to all his -vexation and perhaps to make light of his martyrdom, and give it a -comic aspect. His divine frivolity returned, and he thought that -he must be after all a lucky fellow to find one of his friends so -unexpectedly. He stopped before the comfortable little house; the -landlord stood in the doorway; he greeted him and asked if Mr ---- were -at home. - -"No; he went off this morning." - -"Where?" - -"To Denmark." - -During the three hours which he had to wait for the train he had time -to get over the blow. When he took his seat again in the train, he -thought: "There is something wrong here; it is not the natural logic of -events. It is certainly something else." - -Then the spires of Hamburg reappeared and his hatred to the place awoke -again, and rose to an incredible height when he saw a coffin at the -station. "Now the cholera is here," he thought, "and I shall be in -quarantine for fourteen days!" - -But it was not the cholera, which was something to be thankful for. He -did not feel so, however, for he felt sure it would break out on the -same day that he received the money. And he calculated that he would -never get away from Hamburg in this way. The money would delay so long -till the hotel bill, which grew in geometrical progression, swallowed -up the whole amount, and nothing would be left for his travelling -expenses. In this way there would be a sort of perpetual movement which -might last till the end of the world. - -That his calculations were about correct was proved two days later -when the money really came. He paid the bill, left the hotel in a cab, -and drove to the station; then a hotel servant who had followed him -expected a tip, and had, besides, a little additional bill, probably -falsified, as usual. When he came to the booking-office and inquired -the price of the ticket, he was two marks short. Accordingly he -returned to the hotel. - -It is not necessary to linger over details in order to give the reader -a lively idea of what he suffered. In short, his silence cure still -lasted some days; then he got away, and the cholera had not yet broken -out. - -His object in going to Ruegen was partly to seek masculine society in -order to get rid of the feminine atmosphere which had enveloped him, -and partly to settle matters with Ilmarinen; but his chief purpose -was probably to talk himself out. That was precisely why, he thought, -destiny or whatever it was had relegated him to absolute silence in -Hamburg, for "destiny" always sought out his secret wishes in order to -frustrate them. - -When at last he reached Ruegen, hoping to have a good talk for half a -night, he found Ilmarinen altered, chilly in demeanour and embarrassed. -The latter had heard that his friend had married a lady from a rich -family, as indeed was the fact, and therefore could not understand this -sudden come down. When the new-comer asked whether they could have -supper together, the Finn excused himself by saying that he had been -invited to a birthday feast. - -"I live, you know," he said, "with Lais's oldest friend, the Swede, who -was in love with her, and who came last." - -"Is he here?" - -"Yes, he lives here, since Lais engaged herself to the Russian who left -his wife and children." - -"He hates me then also?" - -"Yes, to speak the truth, your presence will certainly annoy him." - -So he remained alone the first evening. Alone after a long double -loneliness with his wife and with himself! - -He felt as though he were under some curse, to be so treated by this -insignificant, uncultivated Ilmarinen whom he had lifted up from -nothingness, introduced to his own circle, fed and lodged, because he -executed business matters for him with the theatres and publishers. -This employment was partly an honour for the young unknown author, and -partly an advantage, for it helped him to find openings for his own -work. Now the pupil abandoned the teacher, because he thought there was -nothing more to be gained from him, and because he considered he could -now help himself. - -The days which followed were now so dreadful, that again the thought -occurred to him that this could not be natural, but that a black hand -was guiding his destiny. - -Since there was only one restaurant in this third-class watering-place, -he had to sit at the same table with his countryman, who attributed -to him the loss of Lais, and with Ilmarinen, who assumed a superior -tone, because he regarded him as lost. Then the food resembled hog's -flesh from which all the goodness had been cooked out. One rose hungry -from table, and was hungry the whole day. Everything was adulterated, -even the beer. As regards the meat, the restaurant keeper's family -first cooked all the goodness out of it for themselves; the customers -only got the sinews and bones, and were fed, in fact, just like dogs. -Bitter looks, which his unfortunate fellow-countryman could not quite -suppress, did not increase the imaginary pleasures of the table. - -He spent a week in Ruegen without hearing anything from his wife in -London. At first he had found life on the island tolerable in contrast -to that in the Hamburg hotel; but when he woke one day and reflected on -his situation, it seemed to him simply hellish. He had hired an attic -room and the sun beat fiercely on the iron plates of the roof, which -was only a foot above his head. Sixteen years previously he had, as a -young bachelor, left his garret at the top of five flights of stairs, -in order to enter a house as a married man. Since that time it had been -one of his nightmares to find himself crawling up the five flights of -stairs to his old garret, where all the wretchedness and untidiness -of a bachelor's room awaited him. Now he was again in an attic and a -bachelor, although married. That was like a punishment after receiving -warnings. But what crime he had committed he could not say. - -Moreover, the whole surrounding soil consisted of light, loose -sand, which had been so heated by the suns of midsummer that it -did not become cool at night. It made one think at first of the hot -sand-girdles which peasants use to cure inflammation of the lungs. -Later on, after searching in his memory, he thought of the scene in -Dante's Inferno where the blasphemers lie stretched out on hot sand. -But as he did not think he believed in any good God, it seemed to him -that blasphemies might be left unpunished. - -After walking about for a week in the deep sand, it seemed to him -really a hellish torture to have to take half a step backward for every -one forward, and to be obliged to lift the foot six inches high in -walking. Worst of all was the feeling of sinking through the earth like -the girl in the fairy story who trod on bread. Never to find a firm -foothold, nor to be able to run a race with one's thoughts, but to drag -oneself about like an old man--that was hell. Besides this, there was a -heat in the air which never abated. His attic was burning hot by day, -and when he lay in bed at night with nothing on, he was scorched by the -iron plates of the roof. The nearness of the sea would naturally have -helped to relieve the heat, but that possibility had been carefully -guarded against, like everything else. From his boyhood he had been -accustomed to cast himself head foremost into the water because he -did not like creeping into it. In connection with this also, he was -persecuted by a frequently recurring nightmare, i.e. he used to dream -that he was overheated and must plunge into the sea. The sea was there -but was so shallow that he could not plunge into it, and when he did -crawl into it, it was still so shallow that he could not duck his head. -That was precisely the case here. "Have I come here for the fulfilment -of all my bad dreams?" he asked himself. - -And with reason. Ilmarinen grew more inquisitive every day; he asked -when the Norwegian's wife was coming, and when a fortnight had passed, -believed that she had quite abandoned him. This, naturally, pleased -Lais's friend, and nothing was wanting to complete the Norwegian's -hell. For there was something very humiliating in his position as a -discarded husband. His correspondence with England had assumed such an -ominous character that he did not know himself whether he was still -married or separated. In one of his wife's letters, she dwelt on her -inextinguishable love, the pain of separation, and the martyrdom of -longing. They were, she said, Hero and Leander on opposite sides of the -sea, and if she could swim, she would fly to her Leander, even at the -risk of being washed up on his island a corpse. In her next letter she -announced that she intended opening a theatre in London, and was trying -to raise sufficient capital. At the same time she could not find enough -capital to buy a steamer-ticket. A third letter contained the news that -she was ill, and was full of complaints that the husband had left his -sick wife in a foreign land. A fourth letter said that she was in a -convent kept by English ladies, where she had been educated, and where -she found again her youth and innocence; in it she also denounced the -wickedness of the world and the hell of marriage. - -It was impossible to give reasonable answers to these letters, for they -poured on him like hail and crossed his own. If he wrote a gentle reply -he received a scolding letter in answer to a previous sharp one of his, -and vice versa. Their misunderstandings arrived at such a pitch that -they bordered on lunacy, and when he ceased to write, she began to send -telegrams. - -This imbroglio lasted for a month, and during that time he looked back -with longing to the hours he had spent in Hamburg; they seemed to him -like memories of an indescribably happy time when compared with this. - -At last he was cut down from the gallows. A letter came from his -sister-in-law inviting him to his father-in-law's villa at Odense. His -wife had also been invited; and it was arranged that they should meet -again there. - - - -V - - -Prepared for everything, even the worst, he entered on this new stage -of running the gauntlet. The most curious of all his changes awaited -him. After having been a husband and father he was to become a child -again, be incorporated into a family, and find another father and -mother many years after losing his own. The situation was rendered -more confused by the fact that his father and mother-in-law had lived -separate for seven years, and now wished to come together again on the -occasion of their daughter's marriage. - -He had thus become a bond of union between them, and since the daughter -had also been at variance with her father, the family meeting promised -to take the shape of a manifold reconciliation. - -But his own past was not exactly associated with family -reconciliations, and since he himself had not a clean record the -prospective idyll by the Areskov Lake began to loom before him like -a cave of snakes. How was he to explain this strange parting from -his bride after only eight weeks of marriage? To allege pecuniary -embarrassment would be the worst of all excuses, because a son-in-law -with money difficulties would be regarded as an impostor or a -legacy-hunter. - -As he approached the meeting-place, he became nervous, but at the last -hour he saved his courage, as usual, by reverting to the stand-point -of the author: "If I get no honour thereby, I will at any rate get -material for a chapter in my novel." - -He also regarded what happened to him from another point of view--that -of the innocent martyr. "I will see how far Destiny can go in its -meanness, and how much I can bear." When the train stopped at the -pretty little branch-line station, he looked out, naturally enough, for -faces which sought his own. A young lady leading a delicate-looking -child by the hand approached, asked his name, and introduced herself as -his father-in-law's French governess. She had been sent, she said, to -meet him. - -A pretty white village whose houses had high, tent-like roofs and green -shutters lay in a valley surrounded by small hills, and enclosing a -beautiful lake, on the bank of which, outside the village, stood his -father-in-law's house. On the road under the lime-trees a bare-headed, -white-haired lady met him, embraced him and bade him welcome. It -was his wife's mother. He was immediately conscious what a strange -transmission of feelings such a simple transaction as marriage had -seemed to him, might bring about. She was his mother and he was her son. - -"I have known you long before you saw my daughter," said the old -lady, with the quavering voice of a religious fanatic. "And it is as -though I had expected you. There is much evil in your writings, but -your immorality is childish, your views of women are correct, and -your godlessness is not your fault for He did not wish to make your -acquaintance, but now you will soon see Him come. You have married a -child of the world, but you will not long remain with her when you see -how she pulls you down into the trivialities of life. When you find -yourself alone, you will re-discover the first vocation of your youth." - -This she said in the solemn and unembarrassed manner of a sibyl, as -though someone else spoke through her and therefore she did not fear to -have said too much. - -When the conversation returned to mundane things, he asked after his -father-in-law, whose absence surprised him. She answered that he was -not here, but would come to-morrow. His sister-in-law now appeared but -she was chilly, gloomy and conventional in demeanour. He had thought -her his friend and had hoped to find a support in her presence, but -perceived now that that hope was vain, especially as she was going to -leave before her father came. Nothing more was said about his own wife, -and no one knew whether she was coming or not. - -Had he been enticed into a trap? he asked himself, and was a court -martial about to be held here? Had his wife written complaints -against him from England? How was he to interpret the situation? A -mother-in-law who almost advised him to be divorced, and spoke ill of -her child--that was something very original! - -Meanwhile he was conducted into the villa. It was a handsome stone -building of two stories, with many large rooms filled with ancient -furniture, tapestries, and ornaments. And this house, which could -easily contain two large families, was occupied for only six weeks -in the year by the owner during his holidays; the rest of the time -it stood empty. This suggested wealth, and gave the son-in-law the -impression that here, at any rate, one need not discuss poverty--its -causes and its cure. - -The day passed in conversation with his mother-in-law, who was -unwearied in showing him attention and kindness. She was inclined -on every occasion to lead the conversation to high subjects; as a -religious mystic she was disposed to see the guiding hand of Providence -everywhere. That led her to look at things in general from a tolerant -point of view, since she regards people's actions as predestined. - -In order to make himself agreeable in the most usual way he placed -himself at her point of view and searched in his past for some -premonitions of coming events. - -"Yes," answered the old lady, "I said already that I had expected you; -one of those wild Northmen was to come and take my daughter. But as you -can guess, my husband was not delighted at the prospect; he has a very -violent temper but is good at heart. You will have a hard tussle with -him at first, but it will soon be over, if only you do not answer him. -It is certainly fortunate that your wife has not come, for he has a -bone to pick with her also." - -"Also?" - -"I don't mean anything bad; don't misunderstand me. It will be all -right when his angry fit is over." - -"He will be angry then, anyhow, but I don't understand why. I have -acted in good faith, but every man may sometimes fairly plead -unmerited misfortune." - -"Oh, it will be all right!" - -At last the evening ended and he went up to his room. It had windows on -three sides; there were no outer blinds and the curtains could not be -drawn together. He felt himself under observation, like a patient in -quarantine. - -When he lay in bed he had his father-in-law's bust to contemplate; the -face did not look friendly but quite the reverse, and being lit from -below, it assumed all manner of unpleasing expressions. - -"And to-morrow I am to be lectured by this stranger who I have never -seen; scolded like a schoolboy because I have had misfortunes. Well, I -must put up with it, as with everything else." - -The next morning he woke up with a distinct impression that he found -himself in a pit of snakes, into which Satan had enticed him. Therefore -it was impossible to flee, so he went out to botanise and survey the -landscape. He screwed himself up into a frivolous, poetic mood and -thought what a thrilling situation it was; a dramatic scene which no -one had hitherto passed through. "It is my own," he said to himself, -"even though it should scorch my skin." - -Lunch-time came; it was not exactly cheerful at table and his -father-in-law's empty place seemed to threaten him. After lunch he -went up to his room to quiet his nerves and immediately afterwards the -Councillor's arrival was announced. - -The Norwegian went down smiling, while a chill ran through him at -intervals. In the veranda stood a man who looked about forty, dressed -like a young man, with laughing and youthful eyes. What the Norwegian's -own demeanour was, he himself could not see, but it must have made a -favourable impression, for his new relative greeted him respectfully, -apologised for the lateness of his arrival, said kind things about his -books, and asked him to sit down. - -However, he always addressed him with "you" instead of the more -intimate "thou." Then he talked of politics; he had just come from -Fredensborg. He spoke at length of this and that person, apparently -with the object of observing his son-in-law, who sat mute and -attentive. Then he turned to his wife, asked if she had anything to -entertain their guest with, and finally came back to him, asking if -he wished for anything. Without hesitating he stood up, went near his -father-in-law and said: "I have only one wish, that my wife's father -should call me 'thou.'"[1] - -There was a sudden gleam in the other's eyes, he opened his arms and -now the doubter felt the same as he had when meeting his mother-in-law. -The invisible family-tie had been knit; he was genuinely moved, and -stood there transformed into a child. - -"You are a good fellow," said his father-in-law, "I have looked into -your eyes." Then he kissed him on both cheeks. "But," he continued, -"you have got Maria, and you know what you have got, as I hear. Be good -enough never to come and complain to me. If you cannot tame her, you -must let yourself be drawn along by her. You have had your way; much -good may it do you!" - -Then they drank coffee and talked like relatives and old acquaintances. -Then the Councillor went to change his clothes in order to go fishing. -He returned in a summer suit of white cashmere which made him look -still younger than before. The trousers had certainly belonged to -his Court uniform, and traces of gold thread were still visible upon -them, but that made an impression on the Bohemian. Moreover, his -father-in-law offered him cigars which he had been presented with by -princes. - -The Councillor had dined at Court and was now going fishing with the -anarchist. The latter felt his conscience slightly uneasy as he had -not long previously admired the cleverness of some anarchists in -forcing open money-safes. It was strange! But the Councillor spoke -sympathetically of modern movements and of Scandinavian literature in -general. He was also thoroughly acquainted with the terrible activity -of his son-in-law, so that the latter had no need to feel embarrassed. -He especially approved of his views on the woman question and expressed -his opinion thus, "You have written all that I wished to write." - -He was perhaps not quite serious, but he said it at any rate. - -Then they reached the stream. - -"Have you ever fished for perch?" asked his father-in-law. - -"No," he replied. - -"Then you had better help me." - -The help consisted in placing the fish in a basket and clearing the -hook without injuring the artificial fly. - -Since everything requires practice, the son-in-law showed himself -somewhat clumsy and got scolded. But he had become so accustomed to his -new position that he found it quite natural, just as natural as when he -used to go fishing formerly with his children. - -At sunset the sport ceased, and the son-in-law had the honour of -carrying the fishing-rods, basket, and fish home. - -The evening was cheerful, and the Councillor sent a telegram to London -with travelling expenses, telling the young wife to come at once. - -"That is for your sake," he said to his son-in-law. In other words she -had not been sent for before, and he had therefore been enticed, as one -captures singing-birds. - -"I have got well over it," he said to his mother-in-law as he bade her -good night. - -"The worst is over, but it is not finished yet." - -"Do you think we shall both get a whipping?" - -It was not the end yet by a long way. The next morning he received a -letter from London in which she said farewell to him for ever (Lord -Byron!) because in the choice between her and her parents, he had -preferred the latter. Since there was no choice in question, this was a -piece of nonsense which concealed something. Another letter, addressed -to her mother, was to the same effect but expressed more violently and -concluded by wishing her "good luck." Her mother explained it thus. -"She is jealous, fears that you tell tales against her and find support -here; she is so self-willed that she cannot bear even her parents over -her. If you become good friends with her father and mother, she feels -herself in a child's position with regard to you also!" - -This was possible but not quite natural, for she ought to have rejoiced -that he had made a conquest of her parents, and thus brought about a -reconciliation between her and them. - -Her father became angry and serious; he telegraphed an ultimatum and -demanded an answer. Now the sky was clouded and there were no more -smiles. The Norwegian feared a collision if he remained here, and -telegraphed to his wife: "I am going to Copenhagen; if you do not come, -I will seek for a divorce." But he had to wait for an answer, and -therefore he remained. That night he could not sleep, for the situation -was grotesque enough to drive one to despair. Suppose she agreed to a -divorce, how could the family-tie which had just been formed be broken -in a moment? What would he be then, who had just entered into the -family and received their confidence? What would the old people think? -Such a hasty breach could not take place without some reason. - -The next morning a telegram came from his young wife who was in -Holland. Since everything was fated to go crazily this telegram was so -badly worded that it might mean "I am coming to you," or "I am going to -Copenhagen to meet you there." - -This telegram became a bone of contention, and for three whole days -the old pair and their son-in-law disputed over its interpretation. -But the young wife did not come. They listened to the whistles of the -steamboats, went down to meet the trains, came back and discussed -the telegram again. They had no more quiet, and could not carry on a -conversation without turning their heads and listening. - -The next day the father's patience was exhausted, for a collateral -circumstance came in view, of great importance in his eyes--the -unavoidable scandal. The whole village knew that the son-in-law was -there, but that his wife had been lost and was sought for by telegram. -Her father therefore shut himself up all day, and when he emerged began -a ruthless discussion of the economic problem. - -"Have you a sure income?" he asked. - -"As sure as authors generally have," was the answer. - -"Very well, then you must do like others, and write for the papers." - -"No paper will print my articles." - -"Then write them so that they can be printed." - -That was more than a sceptic and quietist ought to have borne, but he -bore it and kept silence, firmly resolved rather to take a guitar on -his arm and go about as a wretched streetsinger rather than sell his -soul. - -The old man had himself been a novelist and poet in his youth, but -had been obliged to give up the struggle in order to provide for his -family. He, therefore, had the right to say: "Do as I have had to do." -But on the other side he knew by experience how hard such a sacrifice -is. He immediately felt sympathy with his son-in-law and spoke -friendly, encouraging words. The next moment, however, his justified -suspicions awoke, and the memory of the sacrifice he had once made -made him bitter; he felt he must trample on an unfortunate who had -fallen under his feet. When he saw how the other kept silent and took -everything quietly, an evil spirit probably whispered to him that this -man could only bear everything so patiently because he hoped some day -to be heir in this house. Then he spoke of King Lear and his ungrateful -daughters who left the old man alone, waited for his death, and robbed -him of honour. So the day passed, and when the son-in-law withdrew, he -was sent for to be whipped again. Since he could put himself in other's -places, and understood how to suffer with them, he made no attempt to -defend himself. He could easily imagine himself old and set aside, -despised and neglected by his children. "You are right," he said, "but -still I feel myself innocent." - -On the evening of the third day after the dispatch of the London -telegram his mother-in-law came to him. "You must go early to-morrow -morning," she said, "for he cannot bear to see you any more!" - -"Very well, I will go." - -"And if Maria comes now, she will not be received." - -"Have you ever seen a man in such a position as mine?" - -"No; my husband grants that too; it makes him suffer to see such a -worthy man as you in such a position; he suffers on your account, and -he does not want to suffer. You know my thoughts about it; it is no -one's fault and not the fault of circumstances; but you are fighting -against another who pursues and pursues you till you are so weary that -you will be compelled to seek rest in the only place where rest is to -be found. In me you will always have a friend, even if you are divorced -from my daughter, and I shall follow the course of your destiny with my -good wishes and my prayers." - -When alone in his room, he felt a certain relief to think that -to-morrow there would be an end of this wretchedness which was among -the worst things he had experienced. In order to think of something -else, he took up a paper which proved to be the official Court news. -His eye flew over the first page down to the feuilleton, where a -literary essay attracted his attention. He read it, thinking that his -father-in-law had written it. At the first glance the article showed -great familiarity with literature, but it contained over-confident -judgments and was written in too artificial a style. Moreover, it -surprised him by displaying hostility to all modern literature -(including Scandinavian), while German literature was pointed to with -special emphasis as that which set the tone to, and stood highest in -the civilised world. Germany always at the head! - -When he reached the end of the article, he saw that it was signed -by his wife! Now he had promised her never to read her articles and -he had kept this promise in order to avoid literary discussions in -his married life. The only reason that her written sentiments were -different from those which she expressed in daily conversation must be -that she had to write so "in order to be printed." What a double life -this woman must lead, appearing in Radical circles as an anarchist, -and in the Court paper as an old-fashioned Conservative! How one could -so change about he did not understand, and he was too tired to try to -understand it. But that explained why she could not understand his -being without occupation while there were plenty of pens and paper. - -This worldly wisdom, this old-fashioned style seemed to suggest a bald -head and spectacles rather than a young, beautiful, laughing girl who -could lie on a sofa and eat sweetmeats like an odalisque. - -"To think that people should be so complicated!" he said to himself. -"It is interesting at any rate! I shall remember it next time!" And -he fell asleep, thinking himself considerably wiser after these -experiences. - -At seven o'clock he got up, called by a man who was to take his things -to the station. As his mother-in-law had told him the train did not -start till nearly eight, he made no hurry, but dressed quietly and went -down into the garden where he met her. They were standing and talking -of what lay before him when a rough, thundering voice was heard from a -window of the first story. It was his father-in-law. - -"Haven't you gone yet?" - -"No; the train doesn't go till quarter to eight!" - -"What idiot told you that?" - -That he could not say, as it was his mother-in-law. - -"Well, hurry on to the station and see when the next train goes." - -As the Norwegian hesitated, there came a sharp "Now!" like the crack -of a whip over a horse. It was quite clear to him what he had to do -now; he pressed his mother-in-law's hand and went. His firm steps -must have shown that they were the opposite to those leading to the -lion's cave,[2] going out and away but never returning, for he heard -immediately the old man's voice in a caressing, lamenting tone: "Axel!" - -It felt like a stab in the departer's breast, but he had begun to move, -and went on without looking round. - -He went down to the station, looked ostensibly at the railway guide, -asked about the next train without listening to the answer, saw by the -position of the sun which direction was north-east, and struck into -the nearest highway. He did this all so quietly, as though he had long -considered the plan. Soon he found himself out in the country, alone -without a home, without baggage, without an overcoat, and nothing but a -walking-stick in his hand. He felt angry with no one; his father-in-law -was right, and his last call sounded like an appeal for forgiveness for -his bad temper. Yes, he only felt guilty with regard to this man, on -whom he had brought shame and sorrow. But in himself he felt innocent, -for he had only acted according to his obligations and possibilities. - -Meanwhile he was free and had left the worst hell behind him; the sun -shone, the landscape lay green and open, he had the whole world before -him. He shook off the child's clothes which he had worn for eight -days, felt himself a man again, and marched on. His plan was to reach -a certain place on foot; there to take a steamer, to telegraph for his -baggage and so to travel to Copenhagen. - -"The affair is really ludicrous," he said to himself; "if it were not -tragic for the old people. It looks bad, but I have survived worse -things. I am a tramp! Very good! Then all claims to honour and respect -have ceased. It is soothing at all events to have nothing more to -lose. Hurrah!" - -He marched into the next village like an old soldier and ordered wine -and tobacco. He felt hilarious, and chatted with the innkeeper. Then -he went on again. But at intervals he became sentimental; thought of -his mother-in-law's words about the wild chase; had to admit that there -was something uncanny about it, for he had never yet experienced such -a misfortune; and if other people noticed it, it could not be mere -imagination. But that was nothing strange, for he had had bad luck ever -since he was a child. But fancy placing a man in such a position! He -would not even have treated an enemy with such hellish cruelty. - -Meanwhile he reached Odense, came to Korsoer and soon afterwards to -Copenhagen. It was evening and he sent a messenger to the family where -his wife generally stayed. Since she had not come to the Arreskov Lake, -she must be in Copenhagen. On the visiting-card which he sent he only -wrote: "A somewhat strange question: where is my wife?" - -The man who has not waited for an hour and a half on a pavement does -not know how long this time can be. But this interval of waiting was -abridged by the hope that after a silence-cure of eight days in -Hamburg, five weeks of simple imprisonment at Ruegen, and a week of the -nethermost hell at Fuenen, he would see his wife again. After an hour -and a half the messenger returned with another visiting-card on which -was written: "She left this morning for Fuenen in order to meet you." - -A miss again! "I begin to find this monotonous even when regarded as a -plot," he said to himself. - -If one had used it for the plan of a novel, the reader would throw the -book away and exclaim: "No! that is too thick! And as a farce it isn't -cheerful enough!" - -Nevertheless, it was a fact! The next minute he thought: "My poor, -unfortunate wife is going straight into the lion's den. Now she -will get blows." For her father's anger was now unbounded, and his -mother-in-law had said during the last days of his stay: "If she comes -now, he will beat her." Therefore he telegraphed to the old lady to say -that his wife was coming, and asked indulgence for her. - -It would take four days for her to return. In order not to remain in -Copenhagen where his wedding journey had been reported in the papers, -he stayed in a village outside the town where an old friend of his -lived with his family. In the boarding-house where he stayed the same -hog's-wash regime prevailed as in Ruegen. In two days he lost as much -strength as though he had had an attack of typhus. One chewed till -one's jaws were weary, went hungry to table, and rose again tired and -hungry. - -His friend was not the same as before. Rendered melancholy by -disappointments he seemed to find this a favourable opportunity to -display a visible satisfaction at seeing the well-known author in such -a sorry plight. His sympathy took the heartiest, and at the same time -the most insulting forms. When the Norwegian related his adventures on -the wedding journey, his hearer stared at him in such a way that he -made a hasty end of his narrative in order not to be stigmatised as a -liar. - -The village was on marshy ground, and over-shadowed by very old trees; -one became melancholy there without knowing why. When he walked down -one of the streets of the village he was astonished to see people at -the windows regarding him furtively with wild, distracted looks, and -immediately afterwards shyly hiding themselves behind the curtains. -This disquieted him and he wondered whether a false report had been -spread that he was mad. When he asked his friend about it, the latter -answered: "Don't you know where you are?" - -The question sounded strangely, and might mean: "Are you so confused -that you have lost consciousness?" - -"I am in X----" he answered, in order not to betray his suspicion. - -"And don't you know what X---- is?" - -"No!" - -"It is simply a lunatic asylum; the inhabitants make a living by taking -care of mad people." And he laughed. - -The Norwegian inquired no further, but he asked himself: "Have they -enticed me into a trap in order to watch me?" - -He had grounds for such a suspicion, for such an occurrence had already -happened in his life. - -His whole existence now became a single effort to show himself so -ordinary in his way of thinking and normal in his behaviour, that -nothing "unusual" might be noticed in him. He did not dare to give -vent to an original thought or to utter a paradox, and whenever the -temptation came to narrate something of his wedding journey he pinched -his knee. - -This continual fear of being watched depressed him so much that he saw -watching eyes everywhere, and thought he noticed traps laid for him -in questions where there were none. Sensitive as he was, he believed -that the whole village exhaled the contagious atmosphere of the -lunatics; he became depressed and feared to go mad himself. But he did -not attempt to go away, partly because he feared being arrested at the -station, and partly because he had told his wife to meet him at this -village. - -He had received letters from Arreskov, in which his mother-in-law -informed him what disquiet and anxiety his disappearance had caused -them. His father-in-law, who well knew what he would have done in the -unfortunate man's place, had immediately foreboded his suicide and wept -aloud. They had searched for him by the banks of the lake and in the -wood.... He stopped reading the letter and felt his conscience prick -him. The good old man had wept! How terrible his lot must be, when the -sight of it had that effect on others! The letter went on to say that -Maria had arrived, and that they would soon meet again, if he only -kept quiet, for she loved him. This was a ray of light and it gave him -strength to endure this hell, where everyone looked askance at his -neighbour to see whether he were in his senses. - -But the two last days brought new tortures. The Swede whom he had met -in the Copenhagen cafe had accepted an invitation to come to dinner. -The Norwegian went gladly to the station to meet his best friend, who -understood him better than anyone else, and who, though poor himself, -had tried to make interest for him with rich people, and to procure -the help for him which he himself could not obtain. But now he met -a stranger who looked at him coldly and treated him as a stranger. -There was no smile of recognition on his part, no inquiry after the -Norwegian's health and especially no allusion to the past. - -After dinner he took the host aside and asked: "Is the Swede angry with -me?" - -"Angry? No! But you understand he has now married Lais." - -"Married?" - -"Yes, and therefore he does not like to be reminded that she was your -friend." - -"I understand that, but it is not my fault that I was her friend before -she knew that the Swede was in existence." - -"No, certainly not; but you have gossiped about her." - -"I only said what everyone else said, since it was no secret. She -herself so boasted of her conquests that they were bound to become -public." - -"Yes, but the fact is as I say." - -The Swede remained in the hotel, and therefore the Norwegian was -relegated to solitude. In order to while away the time he made use of -the flora of the neighbourhood in order to study the biology of plants. -For this purpose he carried about with him on his walks a morphia -syringe, intending to see whether the plants were sensitive to this -nerve poison. He wished to prove by experiment that they possess a -sensitive nervous system. - -One afternoon he sat drinking a glass of wine at a garden restaurant on -the outskirts of the village. Over his table hung the branches of an -apple-tree, laden with small red apples. These were suitable for his -purpose. Accordingly, he stood on his chair, made an insertion with the -morphia syringe in the twig which bore the apple, but pressed too hard, -so that it fell. At that instant he heard a cry and halloo from the -wooded slope behind him, and saw an angry man, followed by his wife and -child, come rushing towards him with uplifted stick. "There! I have him -at last!" he cried. - -Him! He was mistaken for an apple stealer for whom they had been -watching. - -The Norwegian summoned all his Buddhistic philosophy to his aid, got -down from the chair, and sat expecting to be led off by gendarmes as he -had been caught in the act. It was impossible to explain his conduct, -for none of the authorities could approve such an eccentric act as the -inoculation of an apple-tree with morphia. - -Meanwhile a minute passed while the angry man was running along by a -fence and entering the enclosure. Like one condemned to death, the -Norwegian sat there awaiting a blow from the stick as an earnest of -what was to follow. He was firmly resolved to die like a warrior, and -did not trouble to devise useless explanations, but only thought: "This -is the most devilish experience I have had in my whole terrible life." - -Sixty seconds are a long time but they pass at last! - -Whether it was the Norwegian's carefully groomed exterior and expensive -suit, the wine and the best kind of cigarettes, or something quite -different which had a mollifying effect, the angry man, who had -certainly not had such a stylish customer before, bared his head, and -only asked whether the gentleman had been attended to. The Norwegian, -answering politely, noticed how the restaurant keeper stared at the -morphia syringe, the powder box and the glass of water. - -With the free-and-easy tone of a man of the world, the Norwegian -explained the embarrassing situation: "I am a botanist, and was just -about to make an experiment when you surprised me in a very suspicious -position." - -"Pray, doctor, do as though you were in your own house, and be quite at -your ease," was the reply. - -After exchanging some remarks about the weather, the restaurant keeper -went indoors; he muttered something to the waitress which the Norwegian -thought he overheard. It caused him to take his departure, but in a -leisurely way. "He thought I was one of the lunatics," he said to -himself. "That was my deliverance. I can't come here again, however." - -Several hours passed, but the impression of the sixty seconds of -humiliation and the lifted stick still remained. "That is not -mischance; that is something else," was his conclusion, as usual. - -The next morning he took his walk and meditated on his destiny. "Why -haven't you shot yourself?" Let him say who can. One view was that, -finally, all difficulties are disentangled and experience shows that -the end is good. This used to be called "hope," and by means of it one -warped one's ship half an ell farther, as with a kedge anchor. Others -maintained that it was curiosity which supported people. They wanted to -see the sequel, just as when one reads a novel, or sees a play. - -The Norwegian, for his part, had never found an aim in life. Religion -certainly said that one should be improved here below, but he had only -seen himself forced into situations from which he emerged worse than -before. One certainly became a little more tolerant towards one's -brother-men, but this tolerance strongly resembled moral laxity. -Those who smile indulgently at others' crimes are not far from being -criminals themselves. When in conversation it was alleged that one -should love one's fellow-men, he used to deliver himself of his final -sentiment as follows: "I neither love them nor hate them; I put up with -them as they put up with me." - -The fact that he was never entirely crushed by a sorrow sprang from -his having an indistinct suspicion that life had no complete reality, -but was a dream stage, and that our actions, even the worst of them, -were carried out under the influence of some strong suggestive power -other than ourselves. He therefore felt himself to a certain extent -irresponsible. He did not deny his badness, but knew also that in his -innermost being there was an upward, striving spirit which suffered -from the humiliation of being confined in a human body. It was this -inner personality which possessed the sensitive conscience, which could -sometimes, to his alarm, press forward and become sentimental, weeping -over his or her wretchedness--which of the two, it was hard to say. -Then his second self laughed at the foolishness of the first, and this -"divine frivolity," as he called it, served him better than morbid -brooding. - -When he came home from his work, he found his door shut. Full of -foreboding, he knocked and uttered his own name. When the door opened, -his young, wild wife fell on his neck. It seemed to him quite natural -and simple, as though he had left her two minutes before. She spoke not -a word of reproach, inquiry, or explanation, but only this: "Have you -much money or little?" - -"Why do you ask that?" - -"Because I have much, and want a good dinner in Copenhagen." - -In this they were agreed, and such was their reunion. And why not? Two -months of torture were forgotten and obliterated as though they had -never been; the disgrace of a separation about which people had perhaps -already gossiped, had vanished. - -"If anyone asked me," he said, "about what we had quarrelled I would -not be able to remember." - -"Nor I, either. But, therefore, we will never, never part again. We -must not separate for half a day, or everything goes crazy." - -This was certainly the wisest plan, he thought, and so did she. And yet -one recollection came into his mind of Dover and another of London, -when they were not apart for a moment, and just for that very reason -everything went quite crazy. But they must not be too particular. - -"And how is the old father?" he asked. - -"Ah, he was so fond of you that I became jealous." - -"I have noticed that. How did he receive you?" - -"Well, I won't talk about that. But it was for your sake, so I forgave -him." Even at that she could smile, as indeed she could at everything. - -Well then, we will feast to-day, and work to-morrow. - - -[Footnote 1: Intimate friends thus address each other in Swedish.] - -[Footnote 2: _Vide_ Horace.] - - - -VI - - -The autumn brought what the spring had promised, but not fulfilled. -They lived in a good boarding-house, high up certainly, but with a view -over the sea. Each of them kept up a slight intercourse with former -friends so that they were not always _tete-a-tete_. The sun shone, -money came in, and life was easy. This lasted for two unforgettable -months without a cloud. There was boundless confidence on both sides, -without a trace of jealousy. On one occasion, when she had tried -mischievously to arouse his, he had said to her: "Don't play with -madness! Be sure that with such play you only arouse my abhorrence and -my hatred at the same time, when you introduce into my mental pictures -of you the image of another man." - -But she herself was jealous, even of his male friends, and drove -Ilmarinen away. There were ladies at the table d'hote, and each time -that he addressed one of them, she became so indisposed that she had -to get up and go. There was no occasion to mistrust his faithfulness -to her, but her imperiousness was so boundless, that she could not -endure his imparting his thoughts to another, man or woman. When she -conducted some business transactions for him with publishers she -exceeded her authority and acted rather as his guardian than as his -helper. He had to warn her: "Remember what I said! If you misuse the -power I have given you, I will overthrow you like a tyrant." He did not -doubt her goodwill but her want of insight and exaggerated ideas of -his capacities caused him inconvenience, and even loss of money. When -he took away from her the authority to act for him, she behaved like a -naughty child, brought everything into confusion and threw it away as -worthless. Accordingly, the way was prepared for the inevitable result. - -One Sunday morning they had a disagreement on an important subject, -and at last he had shut the door between their two rooms. Then he went -out. On his return, he found a letter from his wife saying she had -gone to a family which they knew in the country, and would be back in -the evening. In order to let her feel what solitude is like he made -an engagement for the evening with some friends. The evening came. He -went out, but about ten o'clock, thinking it cruel to remain longer, he -returned home. When he tried to open his door, he found it shut from -within. - -"Aha!" he thought. "This is her plan to make me listen to a -curtain-lecture in her room." He rang for the servant. "Is my wife at -home?" - -"No, she came home at nine, but went out again, in order to meet you, -sir." - -"Very well, open the door of my wife's room." That was done, but the -door of his room remained locked, as he had locked it himself in the -morning. Then he made his decision, closed the outer door of the flat, -and took possession of his wife's room. After an hour she came and -knocked. Her husband answered through the closed door: "You can take my -room; I hope you can open it." - -When she found she could not she began to form suspicions and thought -he had shut himself in with someone. She naturally would not endure -the scandal but sent for the police, on the pretext that a thief had -been there, and perhaps was still in the room. The police came; the -Norwegian dressed himself and admitted them, and they broke open the -door between the two rooms. At the same time the door leading to the -corridor was opened. A servantmaid said she thought she had heard steps -inside the room. Before the open window stood a chair so placed as -though someone had stood on it in order to climb on the roof. A thief -then (or a woman) had clambered on the roof. The police went on it -with lanterns, and some of the inmates of the boarding-house followed. -A shadow moved by a chimney. A cry rose: "There he is!" The police -declared that they could not climb the steep slate roof, and advised -them to send for the fire brigade. "But that costs fifty crowns," -objected the Norwegian. His wife signed a requisition for it, but her -husband tore it in two. Meanwhile a crowd had collected in the street; -the neighbouring roofs were also full of spectators. A cry was raised: -"There he is!" They had seized a fellow who had joined the searchers -with the good intention of catching the thief. A maid recollected -that in the afternoon a traveller had arrived and was sleeping in a -neighbouring attic from which he could have easily got into the room. -The police made their way into the attic, searched through his papers -and found nothing. All the attics were ransacked without result, and at -midnight the police departed. - -Then the young wife wished to begin with a whole series of -explanations, but her husband was tired of the whole nonsense and could -explain nothing. Therefore, since nothing more was to be done, he -carried his wife into her room and shut the door between them for the -second time that day! - -This demoniacal adventure was never cleared up. The Norwegian did -not believe there had been a thief, for nothing was missing from the -rooms; he thought that his young wife, who had seen many plays, had -stuck something in the lock, and that then devils had continued the -performance of the comedy. He did not try to elicit what his wife -thought, for then he would have been entangled in a web of necessary -lies. He therefore made a stroke of erasure through the whole affair. -The next morning they were again good friends, but not quite so good as -before. - -How disunion between a married pair arises has not yet been explained. -They love one another, only flourish in each other's society, have not -different opinions, and suffer when they are separated; their whole -united self-interest enjoins them to keep the peace, because it is they -especially who suffer when it is not kept. Nevertheless, a little cloud -arises, one knows not whence; all merits are transformed into faults, -beauty becomes ugliness and they confront each other like two hissing -snakes; they wish each other miles away, although they know that if -they are separated for a moment there begins the pain of longing, which -is greater than any other pain in life. - -Here physiology and psychology are non-plussed. Swedenborg in his -"Conjugal Love" is the only one who has even approached the solution of -the problem, and he has seen that for that purpose higher factors must -be taken into consideration than come into the mental purview of most -people. - -This is why a married pair who love each other are obliged again and -again to wonder why they hate one another, i.e. why they flee one -another although they seek one another. Married people who are slightly -acquainted with Ganot's "Physics" may note the resemblance of this -phenomenon to that of the electricised elder-pith balls, but this -will not make them either wiser or happier. Love indeed presents all -the symptoms of lunacy, hallucination, or seeing beauty where none -exists; profoundest melancholy, varying with extreme hilarity without -any transition stage; unreasonable hate; distortions of each other's -real opinions (so-called "misunderstandings"); persecution mania, when -one believes the other is setting spies and laying snares; sometimes -indeed attempts on each other's life, especially with poison. All -this has reasons which lie below the surface. The question arises, -whether through a married pair's living together, the evil thoughts -of one, while still unripened, are not quite clearly apprehended and -interpreted by the other, as though they had already entered into -consciousness, with the express purpose of being carried into action. -Nothing annoys a man more than to have his secret thoughts read, and -that only a married pair can do to each other. They cannot conceal -their dark secrets; one anticipates the other's intentions, and -therefore they easily form the idea that they spy on each other, as -indeed they actually do. Therefore they fear no one's look so much -as each other's, and are so defenceless against one another. Each is -accompanied by a judge who condemns the evil desire while yet in the -germ, although no one is answerable for his thoughts to the civic law. - -Accordingly, in marrying, one enters into a relation which stands a -grade higher than ordinary life, makes severer demands, more exacting -claims, and operates with more finely developed spiritual resources. -Therefore the Christian Church made marriage a sacrament, and regarded -it rather as a purgatory than a pleasure. Swedenborg in his explanation -of it, also inclines this way. - -A married pair are ostensibly one, but cannot be really so. As a -punishment they are condemned to feel thorns when they wish to gather -roses. According to the proverb: "Omnia vincit amor" the power of love -is so boundless, that if it were allowed uncontrolled sway, the order -of the universe would be endangered. It is a crime to be happy, and -therefore happiness must be chastised. - -Our frivolous friends must have felt something of this, for when they -had had a tiff, they reconciled themselves without explanations and -without alleging reasons, as though it was not they who were to blame -for the discord but a third unknown person who had brought about all -the confusion. - -They did so on this occasion also, but the peace did not last long. -Some days afterwards an indisputable fact was apparent, which in -ordinary marriages is accepted with mixed feelings, but in this one met -with decided disapproval. The wife was beside herself: "Now you have -ruined my career; I shall sink down to the level of a nurse and how -shall we support ourselves?" - -There awoke in her a personal grudge against her husband which -degenerated into hatred. She was an example of the "independent" woman -who protests against the supposed injustice of Nature in assigning all -the discomfort to her. She forgets that this brief period of pain is -followed by an extreme and long-lasting joy which is quite unknown to -men. - -Here reasonable considerations were naturally of no avail, and when -there were no more smiles, the situation became serious. The scenes -between them assumed a tragic character, and just at this crisis an -action was brought against him for his last-published book, which was -confiscated at the same time. Autumn passed, and one felt that the -sun had gone. The cheerful top-floor room changed into a never-tidied -sick-room--became narrow. - -Her hatred increased continually; she could not go into society, nor -to theatres, and hardly on the street. What most annoyed her was the -fact that the doctor who had been summoned to declare that she had a -dangerous disease, hitherto unknown, only smiled, saying that all the -symptoms were normal, and ordered soda-water. Instead of an intelligent -friend, the Norwegian found a malicious, spoilt, unreasonable child -at his side, and longed to be out of all this wretchedness. All -conversation ceased, and they only carried on communications by -writing. But there is a kind of malice bordering on the disgraceful -and infamous, which is hard to define but easy to recognise. That is -the original sin in human nature, the positive wish to injure without -cause, and without being justified in taking vengeance or exacting -retribution. This kind of malice is hardly forgivable. - -One day he received a scrap of paper on which something was written -which prevented him going to her room again. Then came her ultimatum; -she resolved to go to her relations the next day. - -"I wish you a happy journey," he answered. In the dusk of the early -morning a white form stood by his bedside stretching out its arms -pleadingly for forgiveness. He did not move but let it stand there. -Then she fell to the ground, and he let her lie, like an overthrown -statue. - -Whence the soft-hearted man, who was always ready to forgive, derived -this firmness, this inhuman hardness, he could not understand, but it -seemed to him to be imposed on him from without like a duty, or a fiery -ordeal which he must go through. He went to sleep again. Then he awoke -and dressed. He entered the empty room and was conscious of the void. -Everything was irrevocably at an end! - -A severe agitation was needed to bring his ego uppermost, and he -resolved to drain a draught which was unsurpassed for bitterness. He -went back to his native land, from which he had been banished. - -When he got on the steamer for Christiania, he wrote a farewell letter -to the captain, went on deck with his revolver, and thought of finding -his grave in the Kattegat. Why did he not carry out this intention? Let -him say who can! At last he found himself in a small provincial hotel. -But why had it to be precisely the one in which Lais's friends and -relations lived and dominated the social circle in which he must move? -He could only regard that as a mean stroke on the part of Destiny, for -on this occasion he was not to blame at all. - -Meanwhile he sat as on an ant-heap in an alien and hostile environment. -For three days long he asked himself: "What have I got to do here?" And -he answered: "What indeed have you to do anywhere?" So he remained. -For three days he asked himself: "What have you to do in life?" and -questioned of the where, whence and whither. As an answer, the revolver -lay on the table. - -Hamburg, London, and Ruegen began to shine like pleasant memories in -comparison with this place of exile. It was so dreadful that he was -astonished at the inventiveness of Destiny in devising new tortures -which ever increased in severity. His room in the hotel was a suicide's -room, i.e. a combination of discomfort and uncanniness. He was again -haunted by the old idea he used to have: "I shall not get alive out -of this room; here I must end my days." His capacity for hoping was -exhausted. He seemed to be dropping downwards towards the empty void -which began to close round him like the last darkness. - -On the fourth day he received a letter from his sister-in-law in which -she told him that his little wife was going on well. At the same time -she proposed that he and his wife should spend the winter in a little -town in Alster, so that her relations could now and then visit his -wife who, in her present condition, needed help and advice. - -It was, then, not at an end! And these pains of death had been endured -in vain; he had not needed them in order to be taught to miss his wife. -It was not over yet, and he began to live again. - -As a proof that he had completely come to the end of himself it may -be mentioned that the papers in those days contained a notice of his -death. He wrote to contradict this in a vein of gloomy irony. He was -tormented for three days more by having to run about to collect the -journey money. - -When the train at last stopped at the little station, he saw first of -all his wife's pale face. It looked certainly somewhat exhausted by -suffering, but beamed at the same time with some of that glorifying -radiance which motherhood bestows. When her eyes discovered him, her -face lit up. - -"She loves me," he said to himself. And he began to live again -literally not figuratively. - -"Are you well?" he asked almost shyly. - -"Yes I am," she whispered, burying like a child her face in his great -cloak and kissing the edge of it. - -"What are you doing? What are you doing?" - -And she hid her face in his mantle in order not to show the emotion, of -which she was always ashamed. - -They had engaged two very inferior rooms; one was dark and the other -uncomfortable, looking out on a factory. His wife worked in the kitchen -and resigned herself to her fate, for her maternal feelings were -aroused, though not yet completely. He suffered when he saw her toiling -the whole day at the kitchen-range and in the scullery, and sometimes -felt a twinge of conscience. - -When he wished to help her to carry something heavy, she refused to be -helped, for she insisted strongly that he should not be seen engaged -in any feminine occupation, nor would she allow him to wait on her -or to do her any small service. All storms were over now; a quiet -stillness prevailed; the days passed one after the other in unvaried -monotony. They lived alone together and had no social intercourse nor -distractions. - -But poverty came. The trial about his book had frightened the -publishers and theatres. But the worst of all was that he could not -write. - -And what he could write, he did not wish to, for the plot of the story -affected a family to whom he owed a debt of gratitude. Now when he -would soon have two families to provide for, he trembled before the -future with its increased duties, for a growing dislike to exercise his -calling as an author had finally culminated in disgust. - -What an occupation--to flay his fellow-creatures and offer their skins -for sale. Like a hunter who, when pressed hard by hunger, cuts off -his dog's tail, eats the flesh, and gives the bone--its own bone--to -the dog. What an occupation to spy out people's secrets, expose the -birth-marks of his best friend, dissect his wife like a rabbit for -vivisection, and act like a Croat, cutting down, violating, burning, -and selling. Fie! - -In despair he sat down and wrote from his notes a survey of the most -important epochs of the world's history. He hoped, or in his need -imagined that he might in this way strike out a new path for himself as -an historian, which had been the dream of his youth, before he became -an author. - -His wife knew what he was writing and that it would bring in no money, -but controlled herself; perhaps his ardent conviction had persuaded -her that there was something in it. She did not complain, but on the -contrary cheered him up and offered to translate the work into English. - -A month passed, quiet, peaceful but melancholy. They felt that they -were not enough for each other in this absolute loneliness. They -lamented it but sought for no society. He, with wider experience than -hers, hoped that the child on its arrival would be satisfying company -for them both. - -Meanwhile poverty approached nearer. None of his plays were performed -or sold, and not one of the hopes of spring had been realised. His -children by his first marriage clamoured for money, and food began -to be scarce in the house. Then came deliverance in the form of an -invitation to spend the winter with his wife's grandparents. - -One evening in December they alighted at a little station in Jutland, -and drove through woods and wild heath. Everything was new and strange. -In this house he was now to live as a grandchild, just as during the -past summer in her father's house he had been for eight days a child. - -They reached the ferry in the twilight. The drifting of the ice had -begun, but the water had also sunk so low that a sand-bank lay in the -middle of the stream, and there a new boat waited for them. From thence -a large, white, three-storied house was visible; it looked unfriendly, -almost weird, with its projecting wings and high, illuminated windows. - -They reached the land and found themselves immediately in the ghostly -castle. They were conducted up whitewashed stairs over which hung -dark oil-paintings in black frames. Then he found himself in a warm, -well-lighted room, among her relatives, of whom he only knew his -mother-in-law. - -With his incredible pliability, he immediately adapted himself to -his position, and behaved like the young relation who under all -circumstances must show reverence to his elders. - -Here in the house his right of self-determination ceased; he must -conform to other people's views, wills, and habits. In order to spare -himself unpleasantness, he had resolved beforehand to have no more -likes and dislikes of his own, but to accept all that was offered to -him, however strange or repulsive it might appear. - -The old grandfather was a notary and barrister who had retired with -considerable wealth, and only managed his estate as far as was -necessary for domestic purposes and for his own amusement. Most of his -property consisted of hunting-ground and was in that state of neglect -which a townsman finds picturesque. He and his wife were both over -seventy, and seemed only to be waiting for their end with the cheerful -resignation of good-natured, orthodox Catholics who are free from care. -They had already built for themselves a mausoleum in the garden where -their bodies were to repose, and they were accustomed to show it as -other people show a summer-house. It was a little whitewashed chapel, -with flowers planted round it, which they used to tend as though they -already stood there in memory of them. - -In the house there was a superfluity of good things. After having -been half-starved in Alster here they found it difficult to avoid -gluttony, without vexing their host. Pheasants, hare, venison were -regular standing dishes which at last became a weariness. "This is our -punishment," he said, "because we complained of the manna; now we are -stuffed with quails like the murmuring Israelites so that it comes out -at our throats." - -A stillness like that of old age supervened; there was no need of -care or anxiety in this house where there were as many servants as -members of the family. It was easy to live with the old people, who had -outgrown special interests, views and passions, and the young pair, -who had their own rooms apart, only needed to appear at meal-times. - -The young wife was now altogether a mother, talked of and with the -unborn child as though she knew it well; she was mild and womanly, -humble and even thankful towards her husband, whose affections remained -unaltered though her shape was disfigured and her beauty faded. - -"How beautiful life is!" she said. - -"Yes it is; but how long will it last?" - -"Hush!" - -"I will be silent! But you know that happiness is punished." - -No one asked what he was working at; on the contrary all that he heard -was: "You should do nothing but take a thorough rest after your wild -rushing about." - -Accordingly he sent for some books which had been given him some years -previously by a rich man and which he had been obliged to send back -home. Then he began a series of systematic investigations, studied -and made notes. He felt a new life and fresh interests awaken; and -when he now found his former hypothesis and calculations verified by -synthesis and analysis he became certain that he was working by a sure -method, and in the right way. This gave him such confidence that he -felt justified in pursuing his investigations, but because he could -not explain their significance to the uninitiated, his position became -somewhat insecure. People had to take him on good faith; they did that -so long as peace prevailed, but at the first sign of antipathy he would -be helplessly exposed to the ridicule or contemptuous pity of the -bystanders. - -The grandfather was a cultivated man, and therefore curious to know -what was going on in the young pair's rooms. When he inquired, he -received evasive answers, but since he had been a magistrate and -barrister, he required definiteness. When he heard what the Norwegian's -investigations were concerned with, he confuted them with the authority -of the text books. In order to put an end to fruitless strife, his -young relative let him believe he was right. But the old man tried -to provoke him into contradiction, assumed a superior air and became -intrusive. He was allowed to be so for the present. - -"Nothing for nothing!" thought the Norwegian. His wife thanked him for -his yieldingness and admired his self-control. But discord was fated to -come, and it came. - -The lawsuit in Copenhagen about his book extended its operations here -also, and one day a court officer came to summon him to appear as -defendant in the court of the nearest town. Since he had from the -beginning challenged the jurisdiction of the Copenhagen court, because -as a Norwegian writer he was not responsible to a Danish court, on -account of a translation; and since he regarded the whole proceedings -as illegal, which indeed they were, he refused to appear. The old man -on the other hand insisted that he should do so, especially, perhaps, -because he did not like to see gendarmes coming to his house. - -To put an end to the matter, the Norwegian really resolved one morning -to go and present his challenge personally in court. - -He therefore went at eight o'clock and followed the beautiful walk -along the river. But about half-way he met the postman and received, -by paying cash on its delivery, a long-expected book. This book was -extremely expensive, and since he had no money, he had been obliged -to devise a plan in order to secure it. After thinking about it for -a month, he remembered that he had some valuables stowed away in a -box in an attic in Norway. He therefore wrote to a friend and asked -him to sell the things for a price equivalent to the purchase of the -expensive book, to change the money into notes and to send them in -an unregistered letter so that no one might know of it. He did this -because he felt he was stealing from his wife and family, but it had to -be done, as he wished to solve an important problem. As he now held the -long-desired means for doing so in his hand, he felt a lightning flash -in his soul, and turned home without thinking. - -"Now, I will finish the business," he said to himself; "the gendarmes -can come afterwards." - -As he entered the courtyard the old man stood there, cutting up a deer -which he had shot. The Norwegian sought to slip past him unperceived, -but did not succeed. - -"Have you already been to the judge?" asked the old man sceptically. - -"No," answered the Norwegian curtly, and hurried through the -house-door. He ran up the stairs to his room and bolted the door. Then -he sat down to study. After half an hour he said to himself: "Is the -greatest problem of modern times solved?" There was a knock at the -door, and then another hard and decided. He was obliged to open it in -order to get quiet. - -"Why don't you go to the judge?" asked the old man. - -"That's nothing to do with you," he answered and slammed the door to -with a sound like a shot. - -But now there was no more peace for him! He felt that a crisis had come -in his destiny, and he heard voices below. His hand trembled, he felt -as though paralysed and closed the book which contained what he sought. -At the same moment he lost confidence and dared not face what seemed a -contradictory proof of his theory. - -After some minutes his mother-in-law came. She was not angry, but found -it unpleasant to have to tell him that he and his wife must leave the -house at once, before dinner. They could have her little one-storied -cottage at the bottom of the garden and have their meals sent from the -house. His little wife appeared and danced with joy at the thought that -they would have a little house of their own, especially with a garden -and park round it. - -The change took place, and now in this cottage began the two happiest -months in the life of the married pair. Their cottage of grey stone, -with little iron-barred windows framed in sandstone, was quite idyllic. -It was built in convent style and covered with vine-creepers. The walls -of the rooms were painted white, without any hangings, and the low -ceilings were supported by thick beams black with age. - -He had a little room constructed like a real monk's cell, narrow and -long with a single small window at the end. The walls were so thick -that flower-pots could stand outside in front of the window, as well as -inside on the window-ledge. The furniture was old-fashioned and suited -its surroundings. Here he arranged his library, and never had he felt -so comfortable before. - -But now they had to prepare for the coming of the child. Husband and -wife painted the window-sills and doors. Roses and clematis were -planted before the cottage. The garden was dug up and sown. In order to -fill up the blank spaces of the great white walls, he painted pictures -on them. When all was ready they sat down and admired the work of their -hands. "It is splendid," they said; "and now we can receive the child. -Think how pleased it will be, to see so many pictures the first day!" - -They waited and hoped; during the long spring evenings they only -talked of him or her, guessed which it would be, discussed what name -it should have, and speculated on its future. His wife's thoughts for -the most part were occupied in wondering whether it would be fair and -resemble his boy, whom she loved. She and her family were especially -fond of fair people, whether because they resembled light, while the -dusky-complexioned reminded one of darkness, would be difficult to -say. They believed everything good of fair people and spoke ill of the -Jews, although the little wife's grandmother on the paternal side was a -Jewess; among her maternal relations who sprang from Schleswig-Holstein -peasantry the word "Jew" was used as a term of reproach. The -Norwegian's father-in-law was an anti-Semite but when he joked at the -paradox involved in this, his wife said: "You must not joke at it; we -will do that ourselves." - -At last one day in May as the sun rose, the coming of the unknown -traveller was heralded, and after twelve terrible hours it proved to be -a girl who at any rate was not dark-haired. - -This ought to have completed the idyll, but it seemed, on the contrary, -to put an end to it. The little one did not seem to thrive in this vale -of tears, but cried day and night. Nurses were engaged and nurses were -dismissed. Five women filled the house and each had different views as -to the rearing of the child. The father went about like a criminal and -was always in the way. His wife thought that he did not love the child -and this vexed her so much as to make her suffer. At the same time she -herself was completely transformed into a mother to the exclusion of -everything else. She had the child in her own bed, and could spend the -greater part of the night sitting on a chair absorbed in contemplation -of its beauty as it slept. Her husband had also to come sometimes and -join in her admiration, but he thought the mother most beautiful in -those moments when she forgot herself and gazed ecstatically at her -child with a happy smile. - -But a storm approached from without. The people of the neighbourhood -were superstitious, and the child's continual crying had given rise to -gossip. They began to ask whether it had been baptised. - -According to law the child should be baptised in the father's religion, -but since both he and the mother were indifferent in the matter, the -baptism was postponed as something of no importance, especially as -there was no Catholic priest in the neighbourhood. - -The child's crying was really not normal, and as the popular opinion of -the neighbourhood began to find expression, the grandmother came and -asked them to have it baptised. "People are murmuring," she said; "and -they have already threatened to stone your cottage." - -The young unbelievers did not credit this, but smiled. The murmurings, -however, increased; it was alleged that a peasant woman had seen the -devil in the garden, and that the foreign gentleman was an atheist. -There was some foundation for this report, for people who met the two -heretics on the roads turned away. At last there came an ultimatum -from the old man. "The child must receive Catholic baptism within -twenty-four hours or the family will be deported across the Belt." - -The Norwegian answered: "We Protestants are very tolerant in our -belief, but if it is made a financial matter, we can be as fanatical as -some Catholics." The position was serious, for the young pair had not -a penny for travelling expenses. His letter was answered with a simple -"Then go!" - -The Norwegian replied: "To be a martyr for a faith which one does not -possess is somewhat fantastic, and I did not expect that we should play -the Thirty Years War over again down here. But look out! The Norwegian -will come and take his daughter off with his baggage, for he is a -Norwegian subject." - -The grandees in the large house began to take a milder tone, but -consulted and devised a stratagem. The child was announced to be ill -and became worse every day. At last the grandmother came with her -retinue and told the father that the child could live no longer, but -he did not believe it. On his return from a long walk in the woods -the same day he was met by his wife with the news that the child had -received discretionary baptism at the hands of the midwife in the -presence of the doctor. - -"Into which faith has the child been baptised?" asked the father. - -"The Protestant, of course." - -"But I don't see how a Catholic midwife can give Protestant baptism." -But as he saw that his wife was privy to the plot, he said no more. The -next day the child was well, and there was no more talk of expelling -the family. The grandees had conquered. Jesuits! - -The child, which had been expected to unite the pair more closely to -each other, seemed to have come to separate them. The mother thought -the father cold towards the little one. "You don't love your child," -she said. - -"Yes I do, but as a father," he replied. "You should love her as a -mother. That is the difference." - -The fact was that he feared to attach himself too closely to the newly -born, for he felt that a separation from the mother was in the air, and -to be tied to her by means of the child he felt to be a fetter. - -She on her side did not know exactly how she wished to have it. If he -loved the child, it might happen that he would take it from her when he -went away; if he did not love it, he would simply go by himself. For -that he would go she felt sure. He had had a dramatic success at Paris -in the spring, and another play of his was announced for the autumn. He -therefore wished to go there, and so did she, but the child hindered -her movements, and if he went alone to Paris, she felt she would -never see him again. Many letters with French postmarks came for him -now, and these roused her curiosity, for he burnt them at once. This -last circumstance, which was quite contrary to his habit, aroused her -suspicion and hatred. - -"You are preparing for a journey?" she said one evening. - -"Yes, naturally," he answered. "I cannot live in this uncertainty; I -might be put out on the high road at any time." - -"You think of deserting us?" - -"I must leave you in order to do my business in Paris. A business -journey is not desertion." - -"Yes, then you can go," she said, betraying herself. - -"I shall go as soon as I get the money for which I am waiting." - -Now the Fury in her reappeared. First of all he had to move up into an -attic, and although she and the child had the use of two rooms, she -deliberately spoilt the remaining third room which was the dining-room -and contained specially good furniture. She tore down the curtains, -took away the pictures, choked up the room with child's clothes and -milk bottles with the sole purpose of showing him who was master in -the house. The rooms looked now as though demons had dwelt in them; -crockery, kitchen utensils, and children's clothes were strewn on the -beds and sofas. - -She dished up bad meals and the food was often burnt. One day she set -before him a plate of bones which the dogs seemed to have gnawed, and -a water bottle. This last was an expression of the greatest contempt, -for the cellars were full of beer, and no servant ever engaged himself -without stipulating that he should have beer at meals. Accordingly he -was reckoned beneath the men and maidservants. But he kept patient and -silent, for he knew that the journey money would arrive. This, however, -did not prevent his disgust rising to an equal height with her hatred. - -He lived now in dirt, destitution, and wretchedness; heard nothing -but scolding and shrieking between his wife and the nurse, his wife -and the maidservant, his wife and her mother, while the child cried -continually. He had an attack of fever and inflammation of the throat, -and lay on his bed in the attic. She did not believe that he was ill -and let him lie there. On the third day he sent for the doctor, for -he could not even drink water. Then his Fury appeared in the doorway. -"Have you sent for the doctor?" she asked. "Do you know what that -costs?" - -"Anyhow it will be cheaper than a funeral, and it may be diphtheria, -which is dangerous for the child." - -"Do you think of the child?" - -"Yes, a little." - -If she could now have dropped him into the sea, she would have done it. -But she treated him as though he had the plague. The child, her child, -was in danger! - -"I have experienced much," he said in a whisper, "but never have I seen -such intense malice in anyone." And he wept, perhaps for the first time -in twenty years; wept over her unworthiness, and perhaps also over his -fate and his humiliation. When he regarded his position objectively -it seemed monstrous that he, a distinguished man in his own line, -should, without fault of his own, lead such a wretched life that even -the maidservant pitied him. Since he had entered his relative's house, -his behaviour; had been unimpeachable. He did not even drink, if only -for the reason that there was nothing to drink. Since his arrival, his -plays had met with success, but instead of making him more respected, -as success generally does in the case of ordinary mortals, it only -tended to deepen hatred and studied contempt. The fact that he had -accepted hospitality from very rich relatives was not bound to weigh -heavily on his mind, for he was now legal heir to half the property. -But as hate now raged, he was told what his expenses were, and mention -was made of payment. - -Again the idea he had formerly had recurred to him, that there was -something more than natural in all this, and that an unseen hand was -controlling his destiny. The inexplicable non-arrival of the journey -money seemed especially designed to prolong his sufferings. When other -letters, which he looked for, did not come, he began to suspect that -his wife had a finger in the matter. He began to watch the mail-bag -which the postman brought, and to write to the post office; naturally, -the only result was further ignominy. - -Without having any definite belief, he found himself in a kind of -religious crisis. He felt how he sank in this environment where -everything hinged on the material and only the animal side of things -was prominent--food and excrement, nurses regarded as milch cows, cooks -and decaying vegetables; then endless discussions and the display of -physical necessities which are usually concealed. At the same time -excessively heavy rain had flooded a corridor and two rooms; the water -could not be drained off but stagnated and stank. The garden went to -ruin as no one looked after it. - -Then he longed that he could get far away, somewhere where there was -light and purity, peace, love, and reconciliation. He dreamed again -his old dream of a convent within whose walls he might be sheltered -from the world's temptations and filth, where he might forget and be -forgotten. But he lacked faith and the capacity for obedience. - -Literature at that period had been long haunted by this idea of a -convent. In Berlin the suggestion had been made to found a convent -without a creed for the "intellectuals." These at a time when -industrial and economical questions took the first place, were -uncomfortable in the dense atmosphere of a materialism which they -themselves had been seduced into preaching. He now wrote to a rich -friend of his in Paris regarding the founding of such a convent; drew -up a plan for the building, laid down rules, and went into details -regarding the coenobitic life and tasks of the convent brothers. This -was in August, 1894. The object proposed was the education of man to -superman through asceticism, meditation, and the practice of science, -literature, and art. Religion was not mentioned, for one did not know -what the religion of the future would be, or whether it would possess -one at all. - -His wife noticed that he was becoming separated from her, but -she believed that he was thinking of Paris with its vanities and -distractions, its theatres and cafes, gallant adventures and thirst -for gold. His possible plans excited her fear and envy. As regards -his historical studies, her supercilious smiling had ceased after he -had received words of encouragement from a great German and a famous -French authority, and naturally had been obliged to show their letters -in order to protect himself. Since she could no longer criticise his -ideas she carried the strife on to another ground and began to plague -him with insidious questions as to how much he earned by his historical -studies. - -When his wife was angry she went to the old people and narrated all the -small and great secrets which a married pair have between themselves; -she also repeated what he in moments of irritation had said about them. -She was sorry afterwards, but then it was too late. The spirit of -discord was aroused, and the storm could no longer be allayed. - -When he happened to have money and offered to contribute towards -domestic expenses, they were annoyed at his want of tact in wishing to -pay rich relatives for inviting him; when he had no money then they -uttered jeremiads over the dearness of everything and sent him the -doctor's bill. In a word, nothing could be done with such uncontrolled -and incorrigible people. - -He often thought of going on foot and seeking some fellow-countrymen -with whose help he might proceed farther. But every time he made the -attempt he turned back, as though he had been enchanted and spellbound, -to the little stream where the cottage stood. He had spent some happy -days there, and the memory of these held him fast. Moreover, he was -thankful for the past and felt love to the child, though he dared not -show it, for then the little one would have become a lime-twig to -fetter his wings. - -One day he had taken a longer walk than usual among the picturesque -flooded meadows where the deer sported; the pheasants shot out of the -bushes like rockets, their feathers shining with a metallic gleam; the -storks fished in the marsh and the loriots piped in the poplars. Here -he felt well, for it was a lonely landscape where no one ventured to -build a house for fear of the great floods. - -For three-quarters of a year he had come here alone every morning. He -did not even let his wife accompany him, for he wished to have this -landscape for himself, to see it exclusively with his eyes, and to hear -no one else's voice there. If he ever saw this horizon again, he did -not wish to be reminded of anyone else. - -Here, accordingly, he was accustomed to find himself again himself and -no one else. Here he obtained his great thoughts and here he held his -devotions. The incomprehensible events of the last weeks and his deep -suffering had caused him to change the word "destiny" for "Providence," -meaning thereby that a conscious personal Being guided his course. In -order to have a name, he now called himself a Providentialist--in other -words he believed in God without being able to define more distinctly -what he meant by that belief. - -To-day he felt a pang of melancholy shoot through him as though he -were saying farewell to these meadows and thickets. Something was -impending which he foreboded and feared. - -On coming home, he found the house empty; his wife and child were gone. -When he at last discovered the maidservant and asked where his wife -was, she answered impertinently: "She has gone away." - -"Where?" - -"To Odense." - -He did not know whether he believed it or not. But he found a great -charm in the silence and emptiness. He breathed unpoisoned air, enjoyed -the solitude, and went to his work with the imperturbable calm of a -Buddha. His travelling-bag was already packed, and the journey money -might come any day. - -The afternoon passed. As he looked out of the window, he noticed an -unusual stillness round the great house; none of the family were to be -seen. But a maidservant was going to and fro between the cottage and -the house as though she were giving information. Once she asked if he -wished for anything. "I wish for nothing," he answered. And that was -the truth, for his last wish to get out of all this misery had been -fulfilled without his having taken a step towards it. He ate his supper -alone and enjoyed it; then remained sitting at the table and smoked. -His mind accepted this fortunate equipoise of the scales, ready to sink -on whichever side it pleased. He guarded himself from forming any wish, -fearing lest his wish might be crossed. - -But he expected something. "If I know women rightly," he said to -himself, "she will not be able to sleep to-night without sending a -messenger to see whether the victim is suffering according to her -calculations." - -And sure enough his mother-in-law came. "Good evening," she said; "are -you sitting here alone, my son?" - -With the stoicism of an Indian before the fire which is to roast him, -he answered: "Yes, I am sitting alone." - -"And what are you thinking of doing now?" - -"Of going, naturally." - -"You seem to take this matter very quietly." - -"Why not?" - -"Maria intends to seek for a separation." - -"I can imagine it." - -"Then you don't love her." - -"You wish that I should love her in order that I may suffer more." - -"Can you suffer--you?" - -"You would be glad if I could." - -"When are you thinking of going?" - -"When I get the journey money." - -"You have said that so often." - -"You don't want to put me out on the high road to-night?" - -"Grandmother is much excited." - -"Then she should read her evening prayers attentively." - -"One doesn't get far with you." - -"No, why should I allow it?" - -"Good night." Then she went. - -He slept well and deeply as if after an event which he had long -expected. - -The next morning he woke up with the distinct idea: "She has not gone; -she is keeping somewhere in the neighbourhood." - -When he went out, he saw the maid getting into the ferry-boat with some -of the child's things. - -"Ha, ha," then he understood. She was waiting on the other side of the -stream. The maid came back soon, after he had watched her manoeuvres on -the other side through his opera-glass. "If I only keep quiet now," he -thought, "the imperialists are routed." - -His mother-in-law came and looked uneasy but yielding. "Well, now you -are alone my son and will never see her any more." - -"Is she then so far away?" - -"Yes." - -He laughed and looked over the water. - -"Well," said the old woman, "since you know it, go after her." - -"No, I won't do that." - -"But she won't come first." - -"First or last, it is all the same to me." - -The boat went to and fro with messages the whole day. - -In the afternoon his mother-in-law came again. "You must take the first -step," she said. "Maria is desperate and will be ill if you don't write -to her and ask her to come again." - -"How do you know that I want to have her again? A wife who remains a -night out of her house has forfeited her conjugal rights and injured -her husband's honour." - -This was an expected parry, and his mother-in-law beat a sudden -retreat. She crossed over in the ferry-boat and remained there till -evening. - -He was sitting in his room and writing when his wife entered with an -air as though she were sorry for his trouble and came in response to -his pressing call. He could have laid her prostrate but did not do so, -being magnanimous towards the conquered. When he had his wife and child -back in the house he found it just as good as when they were away, -perhaps even a little better. - -In the evening the journey money came. His position was now altered, -and he had the keys to the dungeon in his hand. At the same moment his -wife saw the matter from another point of view. "Do you know," she -said, "this life is killing me; I have not read a single book since the -child came, and I have not written an article for a year. I will go -with you to Paris." - -"Let me go in front," he said, "and spy out the land." - -"Then I shall never get away." - -He persuaded her to remain, without having formed any distinct purpose -of leaving her; he only longed to feel himself free for a time at any -rate. - -But she was now ready to leave her child, "the most important person -of all," as she called it, in order to come out into the world and -play a part there. She knew well that he was not going to seek an -uncertain fortune but to reap the fruits of a success which he had -already gained. The ambitious and independent woman again came into -view, perhaps also the envious rival, for she had moments in which -she regarded herself as an author, superior to him. That was when her -friends in a letter had called her a "genius"; this letter she left -lying about that it might be read. - -Fortunately it was not possible for her to travel just now, because her -parents held her back; she had to content herself with the fact that -he, who might be considered as expelled, was leaving her. She became -mild, emotional, and sensitive, so that the parting was really painful. - -So he went out into the world again. As the steamer in the beautiful -autumn evening worked its way up the river, he saw again the cottage, -whose windows were lit up. All the evil and ugliness he had seen there -was now obliterated; he hardly felt a fleeting joy at having escaped -this prison in which he had suffered so terribly. Only feelings of -gratitude and melancholy possessed him. For a moment the bond which -united him to wife and child drew him so strongly that he wanted -to throw himself into the water. But the steamer paddles made some -powerful forward strokes, the bond stretched itself, stretched itself, -and broke! - - * * * * * - -"That was an infernal story," exclaimed the postmaster when the reading -was over. "What can one say about it, except what you yourself have -said in it? But do you think, generally speaking, that marriage will -continue to exist?" - -"Although I regard wife, child and home as desirable objects," answered -the doctor, "I do not think lifelong marriages will be long possible" -for in our days the individual--man or woman--is too egotistic and -desirous of independence. You see yourself the direction which social -evolution is taking. We hear of nothing but discontent and divorce. -I grant that conjugal life demands consideration and yieldingness, -but to live suppressing one's innermost wishes in an atmosphere of -contradiction and contrariety, can only end in producing Furies. You -have been married?" - -The question came somewhat suddenly and the answer was only given with -hesitation: "Yes, I have been married but am not a widower." - -"Divorced then?" - -"Yes! and you?" - -"Divorced." - -"If anyone asked us why, neither you nor I could give a reason." - -"A reason--no. I only know that if we had continued to live together, -I should have ended as a homicide, and she as a murderess. Isn't that -enough?" - -"Quite enough." - -And they took their supper. - - - - -HERR BENGT'S WIFE - - -"What is love? Desire, of course," the young Count answered his old -preceptor, as they both sat below in the cabin and beguiled the time by -talking while waiting off Elfsnabben for a favourable wind for their -journey to the University of Prague. - -"No, young sir," answered Magister Franciscus Olai. "Love is something -quite different and something more, which neither high theology nor -deep philosophy have been able to express. Our over-wise time believes -too little, but that is because our fathers believed too much. I was -present at the beginning of this period, young sir; I helped to pull -down old venerable buildings, ancient, decayed temples of pride and -selfishness; I tore pages out of the holy books and pictures from the -walls of the churches; I was present, young sir, and helped to shut -up the convents, and to announce the abolition of the old faith, but, -sir, there are things which all-powerful Nature herself has founded, -and which we had better not attempt to pull down. I wish to speak now -of Amor or Love, whose fire burns unquenchably when it is rightly -bestowed, but when wrongly, can soon be quenched, or even turn to hate -when things go quite wrong." - -"When then is it rightly bestowed? It cannot be so very often," -answered the Count, settling himself more comfortably on the couch. - -"Often or not, love is like a flash from heaven when it comes, and -then it surpasses all our will and all our understanding, but it is -different with different people, whether it lasts or not. For in this -respect men are born with different dispositions and characters, like -birds or other creatures. Some are like the wood grouse and black cock -who must have a whole seraglio like the grand Turk; why it is so we -know not, but it is so, and that is their nature. Others are like the -small birds which take a mate for each year and then change. Others -again are amiable like doves and build their nests together for life, -and when one of them dies, the other no longer desires to live." - -"Have you seen any human beings corresponding to doves?" asked the -Count doubtfully. - -"I have seen many, dear sir. I have seen wood cocks who have paired -with doves, and the doves have been very unhappy; I have seen male -doves who have wedded a cuckoo, and the cuckoo is the worst of all -birds, for it likes the pleasure of love, but not the trouble of -children, and therefore turns its children out of the nest; but I have -also seen wedded doves, sir." - -"Who never pecked each other?" - -"Yes, I have seen them peck when the nest was narrow, and there was -trouble about food, but still they were good friends, and that is love. -There is also a sea-bird called 'svaert,' sir, which always flies in -pairs. If you shoot one, the other descends and lets itself be shot -too, and therefore the 'svaert' is called the stupidest of all birds." - -"That is in the pairing time, venerable preceptor." - -"No, young sir, they keep together the whole year round and their -pairing time is in spring. In the winter when they have no young ones -with them, but are alone, they eat together, hunt together, and sleep -together. That is not desire, but love, and if this charming feeling -can exist among soulless creatures, why can it not among men?" - -"Yes, I have heard of its being found among men, but that it departs -after marriage." - -"That is mere sensual pleasure, which partly goes, but then love comes." - -"That is only friendship when there is any." - -"Quite right, noble sir, but friendship between those of opposite -sex is just love. But there are so many things and so many sides to -everything. If you like, I will relate a story which I have seen -myself, and from which you may learn something or other. It happened -in my youth, forty years ago, but I remember every detail as though it -happened yesterday. Shall I relate it?" - -"Certainly, preceptor. Time goes slowly when one waits for a favourable -wind. But bring a light and wine before you begin, for I think your -story will not keep one awake." - -"Very likely not you, sir, but it has kept me awake many nights," -answered Franciscus, and went to fetch what was required. When he had -returned and they sat down again on their berths, he began as follows: - -"This is the story of Herr Bengt's wife. She was born of noble -parentage at the beginning of this century. She was strictly brought -up, and, when her parents died, her guardian placed her in a convent. -There she distinguished herself by her intense religious zeal; she -scourged herself on Fridays and fasted on all the greater saint's -days. When she reached the age of puberty, her condition became more -serious, and she actually attempted to starve herself to death, -believing it consistent with the duty of a Christian to kill the flesh -and to live with God in Christ. Then two circumstances contributed to -bring about a crisis in her life. Her guardian fled the country after -having squandered her property, and the convent authorities changed -their behaviour towards her, for it was a worldly institution which did -not at all open its gates for the poor and wretched. When she saw that, -she began to be assailed by doubts. Doubt was the disease of that time -and she had a strong attack of it. Her fellow-nuns believed nothing and -her superiors not much. - -"One day she was sent from the convent to visit a sick person. On the -way, a beautiful lonely forest path, she met a Knight, young, strong, -and handsome. She stood and stared at him as though he had been a -vision; he was the first man she had seen for five years, and the first -man she had seen since she was a woman. He stopped his horse for a -moment, greeted her, and rode on. After that day she was tired of the -convent, and life enticed her. Life with its beauty and attraction drew -her away from Christ; she had attacks of temptation and outbreaks, -and had to spend most of her time in the punishment cell. One day she -received a letter smuggled in by the gardener. It was from the Knight. -He lived on the other side of the lake and she could see his castle -from the window of the cell. The correspondence continued. Faint -rumours began to be circulated that a great change in ecclesiastical -affairs was about to take place and that even the convents were about -to be abolished and the nuns released from their vows. - -"Then hope awoke in her, but at the same time that she learnt that one -could be released from vows, she lost faith in the sanctity of the vow -itself, and at one stroke all restraint gave way. She believed now -rather in the everlasting rights of her instincts in the face of all -social and ecclesiastical laws! - -"At last she was betrayed by a false friend, and the discovery of the -correspondence led to her being condemned to corporal punishment. But -Fate had ordered otherwise, and on the day that the punishment was to -be carried out a messenger came from the King and estates of the realm -with the command that the convent was to be closed. The messenger was -no other than the Knight. He opened for her the doors of the convent in -order to offer her freedom and his hand. That closed the first part of -her career." - -"The first?" remarked the Count, as he lifted the jar of Rhine wine. -"Isn't the story over? They were married." - -"No, sir. That is how stories usually end, but the real beginning is -just there. And I remember the day after the marriage. I had married -them and was her domestic chaplain. The breakfast-table was laid and -she came out of her room, beaming as though the whole earth danced on -her account, and the sun was only set in the sky to give them light. -He was full of courage and felt capable of bearing the whole world on -his shoulders. All his thoughts were intent on making life as kind and -beautiful for her as he could; and she was so happy that she could -neither eat nor drink; she wished only to forget, the existence of the -sinful earth. Well! she had her fancies, springing from the old time -when heaven was all, and earth was nothing; he was a child of the new -age who knew that one must live on earth in order to be able to enter -heaven afterwards." - -"And so things came to a crisis?" interrupted the Count. - -"They came to a crisis, as you say. I remember how he ate at the -breakfast-table like a hungry man, and she only sat and watched him; -but when she talked of birds' songs he talked of roast veal. Then he -noticed how she had thrown her clothes the evening before on a chair in -the dining-room, and reminded her that one must be orderly in a house." - -"Then of course there was hell in the house." - -"No, it was not so dangerous as that. But it brought a cloud over her -sun, and she felt that a breach was opened between them. Still she shut -her eyes in order not to see it, as one does when near a precipice. -Then the sky clouded over again. He had secret, melancholy thoughts -for his harvest-sheaves were on the field, and he knew that his income -depended on them. He wished to take her out to see them, but she begged -him to stay at home and not to talk of earth on that day." - -"Earth! What an idiot!" - -"Yes, yes! She was brought up like that; it was the fault of the -convent which had taught her to despise God's creation. So her husband -remained with her, and proposed that they should go hunting; she -accepted the proposal with joy." - -"A proposal to kill! That was nice!" - -"Yes, according to the views of the period, sir; every period has -its own views. But the sky clouded over once more, for this day was -not a lucky one for the young Knight. The King's bailiff called and -desired a special interview with him. The interview was granted and -the Knight was informed that he would lose his rank as a noble if he -did not supply the quota of arms due from him as the King's vassal, -which he had neglected to do for five years. The Knight had no means of -meeting this demand but the bailiff offered to procure him an advance -in money in exchange for a mortgage on his estate. So the matter was -arranged. But then the question arose how far he should take his wife -into his confidence with regard to this matter. He summoned me in order -to hear my advice. I thought it was a pity that the young wife should -be torn so suddenly out of her dreams of happiness and joy, and I was -short-sighted enough to advise that she should not be told the real -state of affairs till the first year was over." - -"In that you were right! Why should women mix in business? It would -only lead to trouble and confusion and their poor husbands would never -have peace." - -"No, sir, I was wrong, for in a true marriage husband and wife should -have full confidence in each other and be one. And what was the result -in this case? During the year they grew apart from one another. She -lived in her rose-garden and he in the fields; he had secrets concealed -from her and worked desperately without having her as his adviser; -he lived his own life apart and she, hers. When they met, he had to -pretend to be cheerful, and so their whole life became false. Finally -he became tired and withdrew into himself and so did she." - -"And so it was all over with their love." - -"No, sir; it might have been so, but true love goes through worse fires -than these. They loved each other still and that was destined to be -proved by the tests which they were to pass through. - -"Her child came, and with it commenced a new stage of their life -journey. She needed her husband less now for her time was occupied -by looking after the child, and her husband felt freer, for so many -claims were not made on his tenderness as before. She threw herself -heart and soul into the new occupations which absorbed her; she watched -through the nights and toiled through the days and would never give up -the child to a nurse The contact with reality and the little affairs -of life seemed at first to have an intoxicating effect upon her empty -soul and she began to find a certain satisfaction in talking with her -husband about his fields and their cultivation. But this could not -last long. Education lies behind us like the seeds of weeds which may -remain in the ground for a year or two, but which only need proper -cultivation in order to spring up again. One day she looked in the -glass and found that she had become pale, thin, and ugly. She saw that -the bloom of her youth was past, and her charms decayed. Then the woman -awoke in her or rather one side of the mysterious being which is called -a woman: and then came the longing to be beautiful, to please, to feel -herself ruling through her beauty. She was now no longer so eagerly -occupied with the child as before, and she began to spend more care -on her own person. Her husband saw this change with joy, for strange -to say although he had at first been glad to observe her desperate -zeal about the child and the house, yet when he saw his heart's queen -dressed negligently, and marked how pale and wretched she looked, it -cut him to the heart. He wished to have back again the charming fairy -who had waited with longing at the window for his return home, and at -whose feet he wished to worship. So strange is man's heart, and so much -leaven does it still retain from the old times of chivalry when woman -was regarded as a Madonna. - -"But now came something else. During the first period of her -confinement he had become a little tired and careless in his habits; he -came and went with his hat on, ate his meals at a corner of the table, -and took no pains about his dress. And when his wife began to return -to the ways of everyday life he forgot to follow her, and to alter his -habits. His wife, who was still somewhat sickly, thought she saw in the -relaxing of these courtesies a want of love, and an unfortunate chance -afforded her an apparent proof that he was tired of her. - -"It was an unlucky day! The year was approaching its end when the chief -payments would be made. The harvest promised to be bountiful but its -overplus could not cover everything. The Knight had to find other means -of raising money, and he found them. He ordered some fine timber-trees -round the courtyard to be cut down, but in so doing, they came too near -the house, so that his wife's favourite lime-tree was also cut down. -The Knight did not know that she had a special liking for it, and the -act was quite unintentional. His wife had been ill for a week or two, -and when she came into the dining-room she saw that the lime-tree had -disappeared; she at once believed that it had been cut down to annoy -her. She also noticed that her rose-bushes had withered, for no one -had had time to think of such trifles amid all the bustle of bringing -in the harvest. This seemed to her another act of unkindness and she -sent all the available horses and oxen to fetch water. - -"Now there intervened a new circumstance to hasten the coming -misfortune. The bailiff had come to the castle to wait for the bringing -in of the harvest, and had an interview with the Knight's wife just -after she had made the two above-mentioned discoveries. They found -that they had known each other as children, and a confidential chat -followed, which afforded her some amusement. She liked her visitor's -rustic but courteous manners, and the comparison she made between his -politeness and her husband's boorishness, was not to the advantage -of the latter. She forgot that her husband could be as polite as the -bailiff when paying a formal visit, and that the bailiff could be as -brusque as he in everyday business. - -"Thus everything was in train for what should happen when her husband -came home. The bailiff had gone and left her alone with her thoughts. -When her husband came in, he was cheerful, being pleased to see his -wife up again, and because the continued dry weather was good for -the harvest, which was all now ready cut and could be brought in in -a single day. But his wife, depressed by her thoughts, felt annoyed -by his cheerfulness, and now the shots went off, one after the other. -She asked about her lime-tree, and he said he had cut it down because -he required timber; she then asked why he must cut down 'just' the -lime-tree which shaded her window; he answered that he had not cut down -just that one, but all of them together. - -"Then she began about the rose-bushes. He replied that he had never -promised to water them. She, having no answer to this, discovered that -he was wearing greased boots, and immediately remarked upon it. He -acknowledged his inadvertence and was about to repair it on the spot by -drawing them off, but she became furious at such an act of discourtesy. -Hard words passed between them and she declared that he loved her no -more. Then the Knight answered somewhat in this way: 'I don't love -you, you say, because I work for you and don't sit and gossip by -your embroidery frame; I don't love you because I am hungry through -neglecting food; I don't love you because I don't change my boots when -I come for a minute into the room. I don't love you, you say! Oh, if -you only knew how much I loved you!' - -"To this his wife replied: 'before we married you loved me and at the -same time gossiped by my embroidery frame, took off your boots when you -came in, and showed me politeness. What has happened then, to make you -change your behaviour?' - -"Her husband answered: 'We are married now.' His wife thought he meant -that marriage had given him a proprietary right over her, and that he -wished to show this by his free-and-easy demeanour, but this last was -simply due to his unshakeable trust in her vow to love him through joy -and sorrow, and in her forbearance, if, in order to avoid loss of time, -he dropped a number of little empty ceremonies. He was on the point of -telling her that it was in order to stave off ruin that he worked in -the fields, thought only of crops, tramped in the mud, and brought dirt -into the house, but he kept silence, for he thought that in her weak -state, she could not bear the shock, and he knew that in twenty-four -hours all danger would be passed and the house would be saved. He -asked her to forgive him, and they forgave one another, and spoke -gently together again. But then came a shock! The steward rushed in and -announced that a storm was approaching. The Knight's wife was glad that -the roses would get rain, but he was not. It seemed to him like the -finger of God, and he told his wife everything but bade her at the same -time be of good courage. He then gave orders that all the oxen should -be yoked and the harvest brought in at once. He was told that they had -been sent to fetch water. Who had sent them? 'I did,' answered his -wife. 'I wanted water for my flowers, which you allowed to be dried up, -while I was ill.' - -"'Aren't you ashamed to say you did?' asked the Knight. - -"She answered: 'You plume yourself on having deceived me for a whole -year. I have no need to be ashamed of telling the truth, since I have -committed no fault, but only met with a misfortune.' Then he became -furious, went to her with upraised hand, and struck her." - -"And served her devilish right!" said the Count. - -"Fie! Fie! young sir! To strike a weak woman!" - -"Why should one not strike a woman, when one strikes children?" - -"Because woman is weaker, sir." - -"Another reason! One cannot get at the stronger, and one must not -strike the weaker: Whom shall one strike then?" - -"One should not strike at all, my friend. Fie! Fie! What sentiments -you utter, and you wish to be a soldier!" - -"Yes! What happens in war? The stronger strikes and the weaker is -struck. Isn't that logic?" - -"It may be logic, but it is not morality. But do you want to hear the -continuation?" - -"Wasn't it over then, with their love at any rate?" - -"No, sir! not by a long way! Love does not depart so easily. Well! -she believed now just as you do, that it was all over with love, and -she asked the bailiff, who came in just then, to make an appeal for -separation in her name to the King." - -"And she wanted to leave her child?" - -"No, she thought she could take it with her. Her pride was wounded to -the quick, and she felt crushed under the ruins of her beautiful castle -in the air." - -"And her husband?" - -"He was pulverised! His dream of wedded love was over, and he was -ruined besides, for the rainstorm had carried away and destroyed the -whole of his harvest. And when he saw that it was she whom he loved who -was the cause of his misfortune he felt resentment in his heart against -her, but he loved her still? when his anger had been allayed." - -"Still?" - -"Yes, sir, for love does not ask why. It only knows that it is so. The -Knight was ruined, and left his house to look after itself while he -rode about in the woods and fields. His wife, on the contrary, awoke to -a life of energy and diligence and took in hand the whole management -of the house; necessity made the little, tender being who never had -worked, strong; she sewed clothes for herself and the children; she -made payments and looked after the servants, and this last was not -the easiest, for the latter had grown accustomed to regard the little -spoilt lady as only a guest, but she took hold of affairs with an -energetic hand and kept them in order. When money was insufficient she -pawned her jewels, and by that means paid wages and cleared off debts. -One day when the Knight awoke to reflection and came home anxiously to -look after the condition of affairs which he regarded as hopeless, he -found everything in proper order. When he made inquiries, he was told -that his wife had saved everything. Then remorse and shame awoke in -him and he went to ask her on his knees to forgive him for not having -understood and valued her. She forgave him and declared that she had -not formerly deserved to be more highly valued, since she did not -then possess the qualities which she afterwards acquired. They were -reconciled as friends, but she declared that her love was dead, and -that she did not intend to be his wife for the future. - -"Their conversation was interrupted by the bailiff, who during this -time had lived in the house and helped the wife by his advice and -service. Her husband felt himself put aside and his place occupied by -another; jealousy raged in him, and he forbade his wife to receive -a stranger in her rooms. His wife thereupon declared that she would -visit the bailiff in his rooms but her husband reminded her that he had -rights over her person, since she was still his wife according to the -law. But she had that day received by post the decree of separation -and told him that she was free and could go where she liked. Then when -he saw that it was all over, he collapsed and begged her on his knees -to remain. When she saw the proud Knight crawling on the ground like -a slave she lost the last remnants of respect for him, and when she -remembered how once in her weakness and misery, she had looked up to -him as the one who could carry her in his arms over thorns and stones, -she wished to fly from this spectacle. Being no more able to find in -him, what he had once been to her, she simply went away." - -"Well now," interrupted the Count, who began to be bored, "it really -was over." - -"No, no, young sir, it only looked so, but was not. But here I must -make a confession. I saw everything with my own eyes, sir, for I was -her friend and honoured her in my heart. How foolish I was, I will -also confess. We of the old school, who were brought up at the end of -the age of chivalry, had learnt to see in woman a creature above the -ordinary level of humanity; we revered the outward part, and that which -was beautiful and useless; in our ideas that which pleased the eye took -the first place. You can well imagine that I, though a seeker of the -truth, was so misled by these old ideas, that I thought she was sinking -just when she showed the greatest energy and courage. Yes, on the very -day that the decree of separation came, I had a conversation with her -which I can remember as clearly as though I had written it down. I -said: 'If you knew how idolatrously high you once stood in my sight. -And I saw the angel let her white wings fall, I saw the fairy lose her -golden shoe. I saw you the morning after the marriage when you rode on -your white horse through the wood, it carried you so lightly over the -damp grass and lifted you so high over the mud of the marsh without a -spot coming on your silver-bright clothing. For a moment I thought as -I stood behind a tree; "Suppose she fell!" and my thought turned into a -vision. I saw you sink in the mire; the black water spirited over you; -your yellow hair lay like sunshine over the white blossoms of the bog -of myrtle; you sank and sank till I only saw your little hand; then I -heard a falcon scream up in the air and mount up on its wrings till it -was lost in the clouds.' But then she answered me so well. 'You said -once long ago that reality with all its dirt and sordidness was given -us by God, and that we should not curse it, but take it as it is. Very -well! But now you hint that I have sunk because I am on the way to -reconcile myself with this life; I have changed the garment of the rich -for that of the poor, since I am poor; I lost my youth when I obeyed -the law of nature and became a mother; the beauty of my hands is spoilt -by sewing, my eyes are dim with care, the burden of life presses me to -the earth but my soul mounts--mounts like the falcon towards the sky -and freedom, while my earthly body sinks in the mud amid evil-smelling -weeds.' - -"Then I asked if she really believed she could keep the soul above -while the body sank, and she answered 'No!' This was because she, like -myself, had the delusion that something sank. The body, however, -did not sink through work; on the contrary, it was hardened and -strengthened; it improved and mounted but did not sink. However, -we were both so foolish that we both imagined it did, having been -indoctrinated with this view from our youth upwards. We considered -white hands, though they might be weak and sickly as more beautiful -than those which were hardened and embrowned by toil. So perverse were -people's ideas in my youth, sir, and so they are still, here and there. -But in my perversity I went farther and advised her to commit a crime 6 -Loose the falcon and let it mount, I said.' - -"'I have already thought of that,' she answered, understanding my -thought, 'but the chain is strong.' - -"'I have the key to it,' I replied. - -"She asked me to give it her, and received from me a bottle of poison. - -"Now I return to the story where I left it off. It was where she had -left her husband's room to seek the bailiff in the upper story. When -she came there she had to wait, for the bailiff had visitors. She also -received a lesson, for none of her married friends would greet her, -because she had dissolved her marriage. One of these friends had been -unfaithful to her husband and had a lover but she thought herself -too good to take Frau Margit's hand. What is one to say to that? At -that time it was considered one of the greatest crimes to dissolve a -marriage, but now, thank Heaven! our ideas have changed. She came, as -I have said, to the bailiff to ask his advice as she had done all the -time when difficulties arose. - -"Did she love him? Probably not; but the heart is never so likely to -deceive itself as in such cases. She imagined that she did, because she -thought she had lost her husband and by birth and upbringing she was -not adapted to stand alone. - -"But the bailiff was another sort of man. He was like one of those -birds with a seraglio which I spoke of, and if he had not been so -cowardly, he would have already enticed the Knight's wife. But he did -not do it, for he saw that this fruit would drop when it was ripe -enough. Therefore he waited. But he had another characteristic; he was -as vain as a cock in a hen-house, and thought that he was a terrible -fellow whom no woman could resist. So when he overheard Frau Margit -say that she intended visiting him in his room, he believed that the -time had come, and made elaborate preparations to receive her. She came -quite unsuspiciously, for she trusted his friendship and devotion to -her interests. She wished to speak of the serious prospect which lay -before her; he spoke of his love and she did not wish to listen. She -was legally free but still felt herself bound. The might of memory -held her and perhaps the old love had a word to say in the matter. The -bailiff became bolder and begged for her love on his knees. Then she -despised him. His vanity was wounded, he forgot himself, threw the mask -aside, and wished to use force. I came accidentally there and was able -to give him the _coup de grace_ by telling Frau Margit that he was -engaged to be married. There was nothing left for him but to withdraw. - -"But she had already, when her last hope collapsed and her last dream -vanished, used the key to open the gate of eternity; I who knew that -the poison required an hour to produce its effect, used the opportunity -to speak to her, as one speaks to the dying. Ah! certainly the love of -mortals for this wretched life is great, and at such moments the human -soul is turned upside down; what lies at the bottom comes uppermost, -old memories revive; old beliefs, however absurd and however rightly -they may have been rejected, arise again, and I woke up in her the old -ideas of duty, foolish perhaps, but necessary now. I brought her so -far that she wished to live and commence again a life of renunciation -and reflection in the convent. But since the convent no longer existed -I persuaded her to be willing to exchange it for the imprisonment -of home, where there is plenty of opportunity for penance in mutual -self-denial, for devotion in the fulfilment of duties and in obedience. -She fought against her pride and regretted her surrender, she raged -against life, which had deceived her, and against men who had lied and -said that life was a pleasure-garden. In this matter I agreed with her, -for the unhappiness in most marriages arises from the fact that people -persuade the married pair that they will find absolute happiness in -marriage, whereas happiness is not to be found in life at all. - -"She was frantic, but an accident came to my aid. Her child, whose room -was underneath us, began to cry. She was shaken to her depths, and -said that she was willing to live for her child's sake, in order to -teach it that life is not what people describe it to be. She did not -wish to leave it to the same fate which she had escaped. She did not -speak of her husband; whether she thought of him or not, I cannot say. -I who had given her the poison, knew where the antidote was; but as I -still wished to keep her in fear, I gave her less hope than I myself -possessed. - -"I went away, and when I returned, I found her in her husband's arms. -He had found her on the stairs, where she had fallen down in a swoon. -All was forgiven and all was forgotten. You think that strange? But -have you not forgiven your mother although she chastised you, and -does not your mother love you, although you have deceived her, and -caused her grief and anxiety. This last agitation had convulsed her -soul so that the old love lay uppermost like a clear pearl, which has -been fished up from the miry bottom of the sea where it lay hidden -in a dirty mollusc. But she still struggled with her pride and said -she would not love him, although she did love him. I never forget his -answer, which contains the whole riddle, 'You did not wish to love me, -Margit,' he said, 'for your pride forbade it, but you love me still. -You love me, although I raised my hand against you, and although I -was shamefully cowardly when the trouble came. I wished to hate you -when you left me; I wished to kill you, because you were willing to -sacrifice your child, and still I love you. Do you not now believe in -the power of love over our evil wills?' - -"So he said; and I say now like the fabulist: this fable teaches that -love is a great power which passes all understanding and against which -our wills can do nothing. Love bears all things, gives up all things, -and of faith, hope, and love, sir, love is the greatest." - -"Well, how did they go on afterwards?" asked the Count. - -"I was no longer with them." - -"They probably continued to quarrel." - -"I know that they have disagreements sometimes, for these must happen -when there are different opinions, but I know also that neither wishes -to domineer over the other. They go their way, making less demands on -life than before and therefore they are as happy as one can be when -one takes life as it is. That was what the old period with its claim -of being able to make a heaven on earth could not do, but what the new -period has learnt." - - -THE END - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Fair Haven and Foul Strand, by August Strindberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAIR HAVEN AND FOUL STRAND *** - -***** This file should be named 44129.txt or 44129.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/1/2/44129/ - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(From images generously made available by the Internet -Archive.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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