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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/4251.txt b/4251.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f52cd95 --- /dev/null +++ b/4251.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14165 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Life Everlasting: A Reality of Romance, by +Marie Corelli + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Life Everlasting: A Reality of Romance + +Author: Marie Corelli + +Posting Date: June 11, 2013 [EBook #4251] +Release Date: July, 2003 +First Posted: December 19, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LIFE EVERLASTING *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + +THE LIFE EVERLASTING + +A REALITY OF ROMANCE + +BY MARIE CORELLI + +AUTHOR OF THELMA, ETC. + + + + + +CONTENTS + + AUTHOR'S PROLOGUE + I. THE HEROINE BEGINS HER STORY + II. THE FAIRY SHIP + III. THE ANGEL OF A DREAM + IV. A BUNCH OF HEATHER + V. AN UNEXPECTED MEETING + VI. RECOGNITION + VII. MEMORIES + VIII. VISIONS + IX. DOUBTFUL DESTINY + X. STRANGE ASSOCIATIONS + XI. ONE WAY OF LOVE + XII. A LOVE-LETTER + XIII. THE HOUSE OF ASELZION + XIV. CROSS AND STAR + XV. A FIRST LESSON + XVI. SHADOW AND SOUND + XVII. THE MAGIC BOOK + XVIII. DREAMS WITHIN A DREAM + XIX. THE UNKNOWN DEEP + XX. INTO THE LIGHT + + + + +THE LIFE EVERLASTING + +A REALITY OF ROMANCE + + + + +AUTHOR'S PROLOGUE + + +In the Gospels of the only Divine Friend this world has ever had or +ever will have, we read of a Voice, a 'Voice in the Wilderness.' There +have been thousands of such Voices;--most of them ineffectual. All +through the world's history their echoes form a part of the universal +record, and from the very beginning of time they have sounded forth +their warnings or entreaties in vain. The Wilderness has never cared to +hear them. The Wilderness does not care to hear them now. + +Why, then, do I add an undesired note to the chorus of rejected appeal? +How dare I lift up my voice in the Wilderness, when other voices, far +stronger and sweeter, are drowned in the laughter of fools and the +mockery of the profane? Truly, I do not know. But I am sure that I am +not moved by egotism or arrogance. It is simply out of love and pity +for suffering human kind that I venture to become another Voice +discarded--a voice which, if heard at all, may only serve to awaken the +cheap scorn and derision of the clowns of the piece. + +Yet, should this be so, I would not have it otherwise, I have never at +any time striven to be one with the world, or to suit my speech +pliantly to the conventional humour of the moment. I am often attacked, +yet am not hurt; I am equally often praised, and am not elated. I have +no time to attend to the expression of opinions, which, whether good or +bad, are to me indifferent. And whatever pain I have felt or feel, in +experiencing human malice, has been, and is, in the fact that human +malice should exist at all,--not for its attempted wrong towards +myself. For I, personally speaking, have not a moment to waste among +the mere shadows of life which are not Life itself. I follow the +glory,--not the gloom. + +So whether you, who wander in darkness of your own making, care to come +towards the little light which leads me onward, or whether you prefer +to turn away from me altogether into your self-created darker depths, +is not my concern. I cannot force you to bear me company. God Himself +cannot do that, for it is His Will and Law that each human soul shall +shape its own eternal future. No one mortal can make the happiness or +salvation of another. I, like yourselves, am in the 'Wilderness,'--but +I know that there are ways of making it blossom like the rose! +Yet,--were all my heart and all my love outpoured upon you, I could not +teach you the Divine transfiguring charm,--unless you, equally with all +your hearts and all your love, resolutely and irrevocably WILLED to +learn. + +Nevertheless, despite your possible indifference,--your often sheer +inertia--I cannot pass you by, having peace and comfort for myself +without at least offering to share that peace and comfort with you. +Many of you are very sad,--and I would rather you were happy. Your ways +of living are trivial and unsatisfactory--your so-called 'pleasant' +vices lead you into unforeseen painful perplexities--your ideals of +what may be best for your own enjoyment and advancement fall far short +of your dreams,--your amusements pall on your over-wearied +senses,--your youth hurries away like a puff of thistledown on the +wind,--and you spend all your time feverishly in trying to live without +understanding Life. Life, the first of all things, the essence of all +things,--Life which is yours to hold and to keep, and to RE-CREATE over +and over again in your own persons,--this precious jewel you throw +away, and when it falls out of your possession by your own act, you +think such an end was necessary and inevitable. Poor unhappy mortals! +So self-sufficient, so proud, so ignorant! Like some foolish rustic, +who, finding a diamond, sees no difference between it and a bit of +glass, you, with the whole Universe sweeping around you in mighty +beneficent circles of defensive, protective and ever re-creative +power,--power which is yours to use and to control--imagine that the +entire Cosmos is the design of mere blind unintelligent Chance, and +that the Divine Life which thrills within you serves no purpose save to +lead you to Death! Most wonderful and most pitiful it is that such +folly, such blasphemy should still prevail,--and that humanity should +still ascribe to the Almighty Creator less wisdom and less love than +that with which He has endowed His creatures. For the very first lesson +in the beginning of knowledge is that Life is the essential Being of +God, and that each individual intelligent outcome of Life is deathless +as God Himself. + +The 'Wilderness' is wide,--and within it we all find ourselves,--some +wandering far astray--some crouching listlessly among shadows, too +weary to move at all--others, sauntering along in idle indifference, +now and then vaguely questioning how soon and where the journey will +end,--and few ever discovering that it is not a 'Wilderness' at all, +but a garden of sweet sights and sounds, where every day should be a +glory and every night a benediction. For when the veil of mere +Appearances has been lifted we are no longer deceived into accepting +what Seems for what Is. The Reality of Life is Happiness;--the Delusion +of Life, which we ourselves create by improper balance and imperfect +comprehension of our own powers, must needs cause Sorrow, because in +such self-deception we only dimly see the truth, just as a person born +blind may vaguely guess at the beauty of bright day. But for the Soul +that has found Itself, there are no more misleading lights or shadows +between its own everlastingness and the everlastingness of God. + +All the world over there are religions of various kinds, more or less +suited to the various types and races of humanity. Most of these forms +of faith have been evolved from the brooding brain of Man himself, and +have nothing 'divine,' in them. In the very early ages nearly all the +religious creeds were mere methods for terrorising the ignorant and the +weak--and some of them were so revolting, so bloodthirsty and brutal, +that one cannot now read of them without a shudder of repulsion. +Nevertheless, from the very first dawn of his intelligence, man appears +always to have felt the necessity of believing in something stronger +and more lasting than himself,--and his first gropings for truth led +him to evolve desperate notions of something more cruel, more +relentless, and more wicked than himself, rather than ideals of +something more beautiful, more just, more faithful and more loving than +he could be. The dawn of Christianity brought the first glimmering +suggestion that a gospel of love and pity might be more serviceable in +the end to the needs of the world, than a ruthless code of slaughter +and vengeance--though history shows us that the annals of Christianity +itself are stained with crime and shamed by the shedding of innocent +blood. Only in these latter days has the world become faintly conscious +of the real Force working behind and through all things--the soul of +the Divine, or the Psychic element, animating and inspiring all visible +and invisible Nature. This soul of the Divine--this Psychic element, +however, is almost entirely absent from the teaching of the Christian +creed to-day, with the result that the creed itself is losing its +power. I venture to say that a very small majority of the millions of +persons worshipping in the various forms of the Christian Church really +and truly believe what they publicly profess. Clergy and laity alike +are tainted with this worst of all hypocrisies--that of calling God to +witness their faith when they know they are faithless. It may be asked +how I dare to make such an assertion? I dare, because I know! It would +be impossible to the people of this or any other country to honestly +believe the Christian creed, and yet continue to live as they do. Their +lives give the lie to their avowed religion, and it is this daily +spectacle of the daily life of governments, trades, professions and +society which causes me to feel that the general aspect of Christendom +at the present day, with all its Churches and solemn observances, is +one of the most painful and profound hypocrisy. You who read this +page,--(possibly with indignation) you call yourself a Christian, no +doubt. But ARE you? Do you truly think that when death shall come to +you it is really NOT death, but the simple transition into another and +better life? Do you believe in the actual immortality of your soul, and +do you realise what it means? You do? You are quite sure? Then, do you +live as one convinced of it? Are you quite indifferent to the riches +and purely material advantages of this world?--are you as happy in +poverty as in wealth, and are you independent of social esteem? Are you +bent on the very highest and most unselfish ideals of life and conduct? +I do not say you are not; I merely ask if you ARE. If your answer is in +the affirmative, do not give the lie to your creed by your daily +habits, conversation and manners; for this is what thousands of +professing Christians do, and the clergy are by no means exempt. + +I know very well, of course, that I must not expect your appreciation, +or even your attention, in matters purely spiritual. The world is too +much with you, and you become obstinate of opinion and rooted in +prejudice. Nevertheless, as I said before, this is not my concern. Your +moods are not mine, and with your prejudices I have nothing to do. My +creed is drawn from Nature--Nature, just, invincible, yet +tender--Nature, who shows us that Life, as we know it now, at this very +time and in this very world, is a blessing so rich in its as yet unused +powers and possibilities, that it may be truly said of the greater +majority of human beings that scarce one of them has ever begun to +learn HOW to live. + +Shakespeare, the greatest human exponent of human nature at its best +and worst,--the profound Thinker and Artist who dealt boldly with the +facts of good and evil as they truly are,--and did not hesitate to +contrast them forcibly, without any of the deceptive 'half-tones' of +vice and virtue which are the chief stock-in-trade of such modern +authors as we may call 'degenerates,'--makes his Hamlet exclaim:-- + + "What a piece of work is man!--how noble in + reason!--how infinite in faculty!--in form and moving + how express and admirable!--in action how like an + angel!--in apprehension how like a god!" + +Let us consider two of these designations in particular: 'How infinite +in faculty!'--and 'In apprehension how like a god!' The sentences are +prophetic, like so many of Shakespeare's utterances. They foretell the +true condition of the Soul of Man when it shall have discovered its +capabilities. 'Infinite in faculty'--that is to say--Able to do all it +shall WILL to do. There is no end to this power,--no hindrance in +either earth or heaven to its resolute working--no stint to the +life-supplies on which it may draw unceasingly. And--'in apprehension +how like a god!' Here the word 'apprehension' is used in the sense of +attaining knowledge,--to learn, or to 'apprehend' wisdom. It means, of +course, that if the Soul's capability of 'apprehending' or learning the +true meaning and use of every fact and circumstance which environs its +existence, were properly perceived and applied, then the 'Image of God' +in which the Creator made humanity, would become the veritable likeness +of the Divine. + +But, as this powerful and infinite faculty of apprehension is seldom if +ever rightly understood, and as Man generally concentrates his whole +effort upon ministering to his purely material needs, utterly ignoring +and wilfully refusing to realise those larger claims which are purely +spiritual, he presents the appearance of a maimed and imperfect +object,--a creature who, having strong limbs, declines to use the same, +or who, possessing incalculable wealth, crazily considers himself a +pauper. Jesus Christ, whom we may look upon as a human Incarnation of +Divine Thought, an outcome and expression of the 'Word' or Law of God, +came to teach us our true position in the scale of the great Creative +and Progressive Purpose,--but in the days of His coming men would not +listen,--nor will they listen even now. They say with their mouths, but +they do not believe with their hearts, that He rose from the dead,--and +they cannot understand that, as a matter of fact, He never died, seeing +that death for Him (as for all who have mastered the inward +constitution and commingling of the elements) was impossible. His real +LIFE was not injured or affected by the agony on the Cross, or by His +three days' entombment; the one was a torture to His physical frame, +which to the limited perception of those who watched Him 'die,' as they +thought, appeared like a dissolution of the whole Man,--the other was +the mere rest and silence necessary for what is called the 'miracle' of +the Resurrection, but which was simply the natural rising of the same +Body, the atoms of which were re-invested and made immortal by the +imperishable Spirit which owned and held them in being. The whole life +and so-called 'death' of Christ was and is a great symbolic lesson to +mankind of the infinite power of THAT within us which we call +SOUL,--but which we may perhaps in these scientific days term an +eternal radio-activity,--capable of exhaustless energy and of +readjustment to varying conditions. Life is all Life. There is no such +thing as Death in its composition,--and the intelligent comprehension +of its endless ways and methods of change and expression, is the Secret +of the Universe. + +It appears to be generally accepted that we are not to know this +Secret,--that it is too vast and deep for our limited capacities,--and +that even if we did know it, it would be of no use to us, as we are +bound hard and fast by certain natural and elemental laws over which we +have no control. Old truisms are re-stated and violently +asserted--namely, that our business is merely to be born, to live, +breed and arrange things as well as we can for those who come after us, +and then to die, and there an end,--a stupid round of existence not one +whit higher than that of the silkworm. Is it for such a monotonous, +commonplace way of life and purpose as this, that humanity has been +endowed with 'infinite faculty'? Is it for such poor aims and ends as +these that we are told in the legended account of the beginning of +things, to 'Replenish the earth and subdue it'? There is great meaning +in that command--'Subdue it!' The business of each one of us who has +come into the knowledge and possession of his or her own Soul, is to +'subdue' the earth,--that is, to hold it and all it contains under +subjection,--not to allow Its forces, whether interior or exterior, to +subdue the Soul. But it may perhaps be said:--"We do not yet understand +all the forces with which we have to contend, and in this way they +master us." That may be so,--but if it is so with any of you, it is +quite your own fault. Your own fault, I say,--for there is no power, +human or divine, that compels you to remain in ignorance. Each one of +you has a master--talisman and key to all locked doors. No State +education can do for you what you might do for yourselves, if you only +had the WILL. It is your own choice entirely if you elect to live in +subjection to the earth, instead of placing the earth under subjection +to your dominance. + +Then, again, you have been told to 'Replenish the earth'--as well as to +subdue it. In these latter days, through a cupidity as amazing as +criminal, you are not 'replenishing' so much as impoverishing the +earth, and think you that no interest will be exacted for your reckless +plunder? You mistake! You complain of the high taxes imposed upon you +by your merely material and ephemeral Governments,--but you forget that +the Everlasting Government of all Worlds demands an even higher rate of +compensation for such wrong or injurious uses as you make of this +world, which was and is intended to serve as a place of training for +the development and perfection of the whole human race, but which, +owing to personal greed and selfishness, is too often turned into a +mere grave for the interment of faulty civilisations. + +In studying the psychic side of life it should be well and distinctly +understood that THERE IS AN EVER LIVING SPIRIT WITHIN EACH ONE OF +US;--a Spirit for which there is no limited capacity and no +unfavourable surroundings. Its capacity is infinite as God,--and its +surroundings are always made by Itself. It is its own Heaven,--and once +established within that everlasting centre, it radiates from the Inward +to the Outward, thus making its own environment, not only now but for +ever. It is its own Life,--and in the active work of perpetually +re-generating and re-creating itself, knows nothing of Death. + + * * * + * * + * + +I must now claim the indulgence of those among my readers who possess +the rare gift of patience, for anything that may seem too personal in +the following statement which I feel it almost necessary to make on the +subject of my own "psychic" creed. I am so often asked if I believe +this or that, if I am "orthodox," if I am a sceptic, materialist or +agnostic, that I should like, if possible, to make things clear between +myself and these enquirers. Therefore I may say at once that my belief +in God and the immortality of the Soul is absolute,--but that I did not +attain to the faith I hold without hard training and bitter suffering. +This need not be dwelt upon, being past. I began to write when I was +too young to know anything of the world's worldly ways, and when I was +too enthusiastic and too much carried away by the splendour and beauty +of the spiritual ideal to realise the inevitable derision and scorn +which are bound to fall upon untried explorers into the mysteries of +the unseen; yet it was solely on account of a strange psychical +experience which chanced to myself when I stood upon the threshold of +what is called 'life' that I found myself producing my first book, "A +Romance of Two Worlds." It was a rash experiment, but it was the direct +result of an initiation into some few of the truths behind the veil of +the Seeming Real. I did not then know why I was selected for such an +'initiation'--and I do not know even now. It arose quite naturally out +of a series of ordinary events which might happen to anyone. I was not +compelled or persuaded into it, for, being alone in the world and more +or less friendless, I had no opportunity to seek advice or assistance +from any person as to the course of life or learning I should pursue. +And I learned what I did learn because of my own unwavering intention +and WILL to be instructed. + +I should here perhaps explain the tenor of the instruction which was +gradually imparted to me in just such measures of proportion as I was +found to be receptive. The first thing I was taught was how to bring +every feeling and sense into close union with the spirit of Nature. +Nature, I was told, is the reflection of the working-mind of the +Creator--and any opposition to that working-mind on the part of any +living organism It has created cannot but result in disaster. Pursuing +this line of study, a wonderful vista of perpetual revealment was +opened to me. I saw how humanity, moved by gross egoism, has in every +age of the world ordained laws and morals for itself which are the very +reverse of Nature's teaching--I saw how, instead of helping the wheel +of progress and wisdom onward, man reverses it by his obstinacy and +turns it backward even on the very point of great attainment--and I was +able to perceive how the sorrows and despairs of the world are caused +by this one simple fact--Man working AGAINST Nature--while Nature, ever +divine and invincible, pursues her God-appointed course, sweeping her +puny opponents aside and inflexibly carrying out her will to the end. +And I learned how true it is that if Man went WITH her instead of +AGAINST her, there would be no more misunderstanding of the laws of the +Universe, and that where there is now nothing but discord, all would be +divinest harmony. + +My first book, "A Romance of Two Worlds," was an eager, though crude, +attempt to explain and express something of what I myself had studied +on some of these subjects, though, as I have already said, my mind was +unformed and immature, and, therefore, I was not permitted to disclose +more than a glimmering of the light I was beginning to perceive. My own +probation--destined to be a severe one--had only just been entered +upon; and hard and fast limits were imposed on me for a certain time. I +was forbidden, for example, to write of radium, that wonderful +'discovery' of the immediate hour, though it was then, and had been for +a long period, perfectly well known to my instructors, who possessed +all the means of extracting it from substances as yet undreamed of by +latter-day scientists. I was only permitted to hint at it under the +guise of the word 'Electricity'--which, after all, was not so much of a +misnomer, seeing that electric force displays itself in countless +millions of forms. My "Electric Theory of the Universe" in the "Romance +of Two Worlds" foreran the utterance of the scientist who in the +"Hibbert Journal" for January, 1905, wrote as follows:--"The last years +have seen the dawn of a revolution in science as great as that which in +the sphere of religion overthrew the many gods and crowned the One. +Matter, as we have understood it, there is none, nor probably anywhere +the individual atom. The so-called atoms are systems of ELECTRONIC +corpuscles, bound together by their mutual forces too firmly for any +human contrivance completely to sunder them,--alike in their electric +composition, differing only in the rhythms of their motion. ELECTRICITY +is all things, and all things are ELECTRIC." + +THIS WAS PRECISELY MY TEACHING IN THE FIRST BOOK I EVER WROTE. I was +ridiculed for it, of course,--and I was told that there was no +'spiritual' force in electricity. I differ from this view; but +'radio-activity' is perhaps the better, because the truer term to +employ in seeking to describe the Germ or Embryo of the Soul, for--as +scientists have proved--"Radium is capable of absorbing from +surrounding bodies SOME UNKNOWN FORM OF ENERGY which it can render +evident as heat and light." This is precisely what the radio-activity +in each individual soul of each individual human being is ordained to +do,--to absorb an 'unknown form of energy which it can render evident +as heat and light.' Heat and Light are the composition of Life;--and +the Life which this radio-activity of Soul generates IN itself and OF +itself, can never die. Or, as I wrote in "A Romance of Two Worlds +"--"Like all flames, this electric (or radiant) spark can either be +fanned into a fire, or allowed to escape in air,--IT CAN NEVER BE +DESTROYED." And again, from the same book: "All the wonders of Nature +are the result of LIGHT AND HEAT ALONE." Paracelsus, as early as about +1526, made guarded mention of the same substance or quality, describing +it thus:--"The more of the humour of life it has, the more of the +spirit of life abounds in that life." Though truly this vital +radio-active force lacks all fitting name. To material science radium, +or radium chloride, is a minute salt crystal, so rare and costly to +obtain that it may be counted as about three thousand times the price +of gold in the market. But of the action of PURE radium, the knowledge +of ordinary scientific students is nil. They know that an infinitely +small spark of radium salt will emit heat and light continuously +without any combustion or change in its own structure. And I would here +quote a passage from a lecture delivered by one of our prominent +scientists in 1904. "Details concerning the behaviour of several +radio-active bodies were detected, as, for example, their activity was +not constant; it gradually grew in strength, BUT THE GROWN PORTION OF +THE ACTIVITY COULD BE BLOWN AWAY, AND THE BLOWN AWAY PART RETAINED ITS +ACTIVITY ONLY FOR A TIME. It decayed in a few days or weeks,--WHEREAS +THE RADIUM ROSE IN STRENGTH AGAIN AT THE SAME RATE THAT THE OTHER +DECAYED. And so on constantly. It was as if a NEW FORM of matter was +constantly being produced, and AS IF THE RADIO-ACTIVITY WAS A +CONCOMITANT OF THE CHANGE OF FORM. It was also found that radium kept +on producing heat de novo so as to keep itself always a fraction of a +degree ABOVE THE SURROUNDING TEMPERATURE; also that it spontaneously +PRODUCED ELECTRICITY." + +Does this teach no lesson on the resurrection of the dead? Of the +'blown away part' which decays in a few days or weeks?--of the 'Radia' +or 'Radiance' of the Soul, rising in strength again AT THE SAME RATE +that the other, the Body, or 'grown portion of the activity,' decays? +Of the 'new form of matter' and the 'radio-activity as a concomitant of +the CHANGE OF FORM'? Does not Science here almost unwittingly verify +the words of St. Paul:--"It is sown a natural body; it is raised a +spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual +body"? There is nothing impossible or 'miraculous' in such a +consummation, even according to modern material science,--it is merely +the natural action of PURE radio-activity or that etherical composition +for which we have no name, but which we have vaguely called the SOUL +for countless ages. + +To multitudes of people this expression 'the Soul' has become +overfamiliar by constant repetition, and conveys little more than the +suggestion of a myth, or the hint of an Imaginary Existence. Now there +is nothing in the whole Universe so REAL as the Vital Germ of the +actual Form and Being of the living, radiant, active Creature within +each one of us,--the creature who, impressed and guided by our Free +Will, works out its own delight or doom. The WILL of each man or woman +is like the compass of a ship,--where it points, the ship goes. If the +needle directs it to the rocks, there is wreck and disaster,--if to the +open sea, there is clear sailing. God leaves the WILL of man at perfect +liberty. His Divine Love neither constrains nor compels. We must +Ourselves learn the ways of Right and Wrong, and having learned, we +must choose. We must injure Ourselves. God will not injure us. We +invite our own miseries. God does not send them. The evils and sorrows +that afflict mankind are of mankind's own making. Even in natural +catastrophes, which ruin cities and devastate countries, it is well to +remember that Nature, which is the MATERIAL EXPRESSION of the mind of +God, will not tolerate too long a burden of human iniquity. Nature +destroys what is putrescent; she covers it up with fresh earth on which +healthier things may find place to grow. + +I tried to convey some hint of these truths in my "Romance of Two +Worlds." Some few gave heed,--others wrote to me from all parts of the +world concerning what they called my 'views' on the subjects treated +of,--some asked to be 'initiated' into my 'experience' of the +Unseen,--but many of my correspondents (I say it with regret) were +moved by purely selfish considerations for their own private and +particular advancement, and showed, by the very tone of their letters, +not only an astounding hypocrisy, but also the good opinion they +entertained of their own worthiness, their own capabilities, and their +own great intellectuality, forgetful of the words:--"Except ye become +as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven." + +Now the spirit of a little child is receptive and trustful. It has no +desire for argument, and it is instinctively confident that it will not +be led into unnecessary difficulty or danger by its responsible +guardians. This is the spirit in which, if we are sincere in our +seeking for knowledge, we should and must approach the deeper +psychological mysteries of Nature. But as long as we interpose the +darkness of personal doubt and prejudice between ourselves and the +Light Eternal no progress can be made,--and every attempt to penetrate +into the Holy of Holies will be met and thrust back by that 'flaming +Sword' which from the beginning, as now, turns every way to guard the +Tree of Life. + +Knowing this, and seeing that Self was the stumbling-block with most of +my correspondents, I was anxious to write another book at once, also in +the guise of a romance, to serve as a little lamp of love whereby my +readers might haply discover the real character of the obstacle which +blocked their way to an intelligent Soul-advancement. But the publisher +I had at the time (the late Mr. George Bentley) assured me that if I +wrote another 'spiritualistic' book, I should lose the public hearing I +had just gained. I do not know why he had formed this opinion, but as +he was a kindly personal friend, and took a keen interest in my career, +never handing any manuscript of mine over to his 'reader,' but always +reading it himself, I felt it incumbent upon me, as a young beginner, +to accept the advice which I knew could only be given with the very +best intentions towards me. To please him, therefore, and to please the +particular public to which he had introduced me, I wrote something +entirely different,--a melodramatic tale entitled: "Vendetta: The Story +of One Forgotten." The book made a certain stir, and Mr. Bentley next +begged me to try 'a love-story, pur et simple' (I quote from his own +letter). The result was my novel of "Thelma," which achieved a great +popular success and still remains a favourite work with a large +majority of readers. I then considered myself free to move once more +upon the lines which my study of psychic forces had convinced me were +of pre-eminent importance. And moved by a strong conviction that men +and women are hindered from attaining their full heritage of life by +the obstinate interposition of their merely material Selves, I wrote +"Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self." The plan of this book was partially +suggested by the following passages from the Second Apocryphal Book of +Esdras:-- + +"Go into a field of flowers where no house is builded. And pray unto +the Highest continually, then will I come and talk with thee. So I went +my way into the field which is called Ardath, like as he commanded me, +and there I sat among the flowers." + +In this field the Prophet sees the vision of a woman. + +"And it came to pass while I was talking with her, behold her face upon +a sudden shined exceedingly and her countenance glistened, so that I +was afraid of her and mused what it might be. And I looked, and behold +the woman appeared unto me no more, but there was a city builded, and a +large place showed itself from the foundations." + +On this I raised the fabric of my own "Dream City," and sought to +elucidate some of the meaning of that great text in Ecclesiastes which +contains in itself all the philosophy of the ages: "That which Hath +Been is Now; and that which is To Be hath already Been; and God +requireth that which is Past." + +The book, however, so my publisher Mr. Bentley told me in a series of +letters which I still possess, and which show how keen was his own +interest in my work, was 'entirely over the heads of the general +public.' His opinion was, no doubt, correct, as "Ardath" still remains +the least 'popular' of any book I have ever written. Nevertheless it +brought me the unsought and very generous praise of the late Poet +Laureate, Alfred Lord Tennyson, as well as the equally unsought good +opinion and personal friendship of the famous statesman, William Ewart +Gladstone, while many of the better-class literary journals vied with +one another in according me an almost enthusiastic eulogy. Such +authorities as the "Athenaeum" and "Spectator" praised the whole +conception and style of the work, the latter journal going as far as to +say that I had beaten Beckford's famous "Vathek" on its own ground. + +Whatever may now be the consensus of opinion on its merits or demerits, +I know and feel it to be one of my most worthy attempts, even though it +is not favoured by the million. It does not appeal to anything 'of the +moment' merely, because there are very few people who can or will +understand that if the Soul or 'Radia' of a human being is so forgetful +of its highest origin as to cling to its human Self only (events the +hero of "Ardath" clung to the Shadow of his Former Self and to the +illusory pictures of that Former Self's pleasures and vices and +vanities) then the way to the eternal Happier Progress is barred. There +is yet another intention in this book which seems to be missed by the +casual reader, namely,--That each human soul is a germ of SEPARATE and +INDIVIDUAL spiritual existence. Even as no two leaves are exactly alike +on any tree, and no two blades of grass are precisely similar, so no +two souls resemble each other, but are wholly different, endowed with +different gifts and different capacities. Individuality is strongly +insisted upon in material Nature. And why? Because material Nature is +merely the reflex or mirror of the more strongly insistent +individuality of psychic form. Again, psychic form is generated from a +divinely eternal psychic substance,--a 'radia' or emanation of God's +own Being which, as it progresses onward through endless aeons of +constantly renewed vitality, grows more and more powerful, changing its +shape often, but never its everlasting composition and quality. +Therefore, all the experiences of the 'Soul' or psychic form, from its +first entrance into active consciousness, whether in this world or in +other worlds, are attracted to itself by its own inherent volition, and +work together to make it what it is now and what it will be hereafter. + +That is what "Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self" seeks to explain, and I +have nothing to take back from what I have written in its pages. In its +experimental teaching it is the natural and intended sequence of "A +Romance of Two Worlds," and was meant to assist the studies of the many +who had written to me asking for help. And despite the fact that some +of these persons, owing to an inherent incapacity for concentrated +thought upon any subject, found it too 'difficult' as they said, for +casual reading, its reception was sufficiently encouraging to decide me +on continuing to press upon public attention the theories therein set +forth. "The Soul of Lilith" was, therefore, my next venture,--a third +link in the chain I sought to weave between the perishable materialism +of our ordinary conceptions of life, and the undying spiritual quality +of life as it truly is. In this I portrayed the complete failure that +must inevitably result from man's prejudice and intellectual pride when +studying the marvellous mysteries of what I would call the Further +World,--that is to say, the 'Soul' of the world which is hidden deeply +behind its external Appearance,--and how impossible it is and ever must +be that any 'Soul' should visibly manifest itself where there is undue +attachment to the body. The publication of the book was a very +interesting experience. It was and is still less 'popular' than +"Ardath"--but it has been gladly welcomed by a distinctly cultured +minority of persons famous in art, science and literature, whose good +opinion is well worth having. With this reward I was perfectly content, +but my publisher was not so easily pleased. He wanted something that +would 'sell' better. To relieve his impatience, therefore, I wrote a +more or less 'sensational' novel dealing with the absinthe drinkers of +Paris, entitled "Wormwood," which did a certain amount of good in its +way, by helping to call public attention to the devastation wrought by +the use of the pernicious drug among the French and other Continental +peoples--and after this, receiving a strong and almost imperative +impetus towards that particular goal whither my mind was set, I went to +work again with renewed vigour on my own favourite and long studied +line of argument, indifferent alike to publisher or public. Filled with +the fervour of a passionate and proved faith, I wrote "Barabbas: A +Dream of the World's Tragedy,"--and this was the signal of separation +from my excellent old friend, George Bentley, who had not the courage +to publish a poetic romance which introduced, albeit with a tenderness +and reverence unspeakable, so far as my own intention was concerned, +the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ. He wrote to me expressing +his opinion in these terms:--"I can conscientiously praise the power +and feeling you exhibit for your vast subject, and the rush and beauty +of the language, and above all I feel that the book is the genuine +outcome of a fervent faith all too rare in these days, but--I fear its +effect on the public mind." Yet, when urged to a given point in the +discussion, he could not deny that 'the effect on the public mind' of +the Passion Play at Ober-Ammergau is generally impressive and helpful, +while he was bound to admit that there was something to be said for the +introduction of Divine personages in the epic romances of Milton and +Dante. What could be written in poetic verse did not, however, seem to +him suitable for poetic prose, and I did not waste words in argument, +as I knew the time had come for the parting of the ways. I sought my +present publisher, Mr. Methuen, who, being aware, from a business point +of view, that I had now won a certain reputation, took "Barabbas" +without parley. It met with an almost unprecedented success, not only +in this country but all over the world. Within a few months it was +translated into every known European language, inclusive even of modern +Greek, and nowhere perhaps has it awakened a wider interest than in +India, where it is published in Hindustani, Gujarati, and various other +Eastern dialects. Its notable triumph was achieved despite a hailstorm +of abuse rattled down upon me by the press,--a hailstorm which I, +personally, found welcome and refreshing, inasmuch as it cleared the +air and cleaned the road for my better wayfaring. It released me once +and for all from the trammels of such obligation as is incurred by +praise, and set me firmly on my feet in that complete independence +which to me (and to all who seek what I have found) is a paramount +necessity. For, as Thomas a Kempis writes: "Whosoever neither desires +to please men nor fears to displease them shall enjoy much peace." I +took my freedom gratefully, and ever since that time of unjust and +ill-considered attack from persons who were too malignantly minded to +even read the work they vainly endeavoured to destroy, have been +happily indifferent to all so-called 'criticism' and immune from all +attempts to interrupt my progress or turn me back upon my chosen way. +From henceforth I recognised that no one could hinder or oppose me but +myself--and that I had the making, tinder God, of my own destiny. I +followed up "Barabbas" as quickly as possible by "The Sorrows of +Satan," thus carrying out the preconceived intention I had always had +of depicting, first, the martyrdom which is always the world's guerdon +to Absolute Good,--and secondly, the awful, unimaginable torture which +must, by Divine Law, for ever be the lot of Absolute Evil. + +The two books carried their message far and wide with astonishing +success and swiftness, and I then drew some of my threads of former +argument together in "The Master Christian," wherein I depicted Christ +as a Child, visiting our world again as it is to-day and sorrowfully +observing the wickedness which men practise in His Name. This book was +seized upon by thousands of readers in all countries of the world with +an amazing avidity which proved how deep was the longing for some clear +exposition of faith that might console as well as command,--and after +its publication I decided to let it take its own uninterrupted course +for a time and to change my own line of work to lighter themes, lest I +should be set down as 'spiritualist' or 'theosophist,' both of which +terms have been brought into contempt by tricksters. So I played with +my pen, and did my best to entertain the public with stories of +everyday life and love, such as the least instructed could understand, +and that I now allude to the psychological side of my work is merely to +explain that these six books, namely: "A Romance of Two Worlds," +"Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self," "The Soul of Lilith," "Barabbas," +"The Sorrows of Satan" and "The Master Christian" ARE THE RESULT OF A +DELIBERATELY CONCEIVED PLAN AND INTENTION, and are all linked together +by the ONE THEORY. They have not been written solely as pieces of +fiction for which I, the author, am paid by the publisher, or you, the +reader, are content to be temporarily entertained,--they are the +outcome of what I myself have learned, practised and proved in the +daily experiences, both small and great, of daily life. + +You may probably say and you probably WILL say--"What does that matter +to us? We do not care a jot for your 'experiences'--they are +transcendental and absurd--they bore us to extinction." Nevertheless, +quite callous as you are or may be, there must come a time when pain +and sorrow have you in their grip--when what you call 'death' stands +face to face with you, and when you will find that all you have +thought, desired or planned for your own pleasure, and all that you +possess of material good or advantage, vanishes like smoke, leaving +nothing behind,--when the world will seem no more than a small receding +point from which you must fall into the Unknown--and when that "dread +of something after death, The undiscovered country from whose bourn No +traveller returns, PUZZLES THE WILL." You have at present living among +you a great professing scientist, Dr. Oliver Lodge, who, wandering +among mazy infinities, conceives it even possible to communicate with +departed spirits,--while I, who have no such weight of worldly +authority and learning behind me, tell you that such a thing is out of +all natural law and therefore CAN NEVER BE. Nature can and will unveil +to us many mysteries that seem SUPER-natural, when they are only +manifestations of the deepest centre of the purest natural--but nothing +can alter Divine Law, or change the system which has governed the +Universe from the beginning. And by this Divine Law and system we have +to learn that the so-called 'dead' are NOT dead--they have merely been +removed to fresh life and new spheres of action, under which +circumstances they cannot possibly hold communication with us in any +way unless they again assume the human form and human existence. In +this case (which very frequently happens) it takes not only time for us +to know them, but it also demands a certain instinctive receptiveness +on our parts, or willingness to recognise them. Even the risen Saviour +was not at first recognised by His own disciples. It is because I have +been practically convinced of this truth, and because I have learned +that life is not and never can be death, but only constant change and +reinvestment of Spirit into Form, that I have presumed so far as to +allude to my own faith and experience,--a 'personal' touch for which I +readily apologise, knowing that it cannot be interesting to the +majority who would never take the trouble to shape their lives as I +seek to shape mine. Still, if there are one or two out of a million who +feel as I do, that life and love are of little worth if they must end +in dark nothingness, these may perhaps have the patience to come with +me through the pages of a narrative which is neither 'incidental' nor +'sensational' nor anything which should pertain to the modern 'romance' +or 'novel,' and which has been written because the writing of it +enforced itself upon me with an insistence that would take no denial. + +Perhaps there will be at least one among those who turn over this book, +who will be sufficiently interested in the psychic--that is to say the +immortal and, therefore, the only REAL side of life--to give a little +undivided attention to the subject. To that one I address myself and +say: Will you, to begin with, drop your burden of preconceived opinions +and prejudices, whatever they are? Will you set aside the small cares +and trifles that affect your own material personality? Will you detach +yourself from your own private and particular surroundings for a space +and agree to THINK with me? Thinking is, I know, the hardest of all +hard tasks to the modern mind. But if you would learn, you must +undertake this trouble. If you would find the path which is made fair +and brilliant by the radiance of the soul's imperishable summer, you +must not grudge time. If I try, no matter how inadequately, to show you +something of the mystic power that makes for happiness, do not shut +your eyes in scorn or languor to the smallest flash of light through +your darkness which may help you to a mastery of the secret. + +I say again--Will you THINK with me? Will you, for instance, think of +Life? What is it? Of Death? What is it? What is the primary object of +Living? What is the problem solved by Dying? All these questions should +have answer,--for nothing is without a meaning,--and nothing ever HAS +BEEN, or ever WILL BE, without a purpose? + +In this world, apparently, and according to our surface knowledge of +all physical and mental phenomena, it would seem that the chief +business of humanity is to continually re-create itself. Man exists--in +his own opinion--merely to perpetuate Man. All the wonders of the +earth, air, fire and water,--all the sustenance drawn from the teeming +bosom of Nature,--all the progress of countless civilisations in ever +recurring and repeated processional order,--all the sciences old and +new,--are solely to nourish, support, instruct, entertain and furnish +food and employment for the tiny two-legged imp of Chance, spawned (as +he himself asserts) out of gas and atoms. + +Yet,--as he personally declares, through the mouth of his modern +science,--he is not of real importance withal. The little planet on +which he dwells would, to all seeming, move on in its orbit in the same +way as it does now, without him. In itself it is a pigmy world compared +with the rest of the solar system of which it is a part. Nevertheless, +the fact cannot be denied that his material surroundings are of a +quality tending to either impress or to deceive Man with a sense of his +own value. The world is his oyster which he, with the sword of +enterprise, will open,--and all his natural instincts urge him to +perpetuate himself in some form or other incessantly and without stint. +Why? Why is his existence judged to be necessary? Why should he not +cease to be? Trees would grow, flowers would bloom, birds would sing, +fish would glide through the rivers and the seas,--the insect and +animal tribes of field and forest would enjoy their existence +unmolested, and the great sun would shine on ever the same, rising at +dawn, sinking at even, with unbroken exactitude and regularity if Man +no longer lived. Why have the monstrous forces of Evolution thundered +their way through cycles of creation to produce so infinitesimal a +prodigy? + +Till this question is answered, so long must life seem at its best but +vague and unsatisfactory. So long over all things must brood the shadow +of death made more gloomy by hopeless contemplation. So long must +Creation appear something of a cruel farce, for which peoples and +civilisations come into being merely to be destroyed and leave no +trace. All the work futile,--all the education useless,--all the hope +vain. Only when men and women learn that their lives are not +infinitesimal but infinite--that each of them possesses within himself +or herself an eternal, active, conscious individual Force,--a Being--a +Form--which in its radio-active energy draws to itself and accommodates +to its use, everything that is necessary for the accomplishment of its +endeavours, whether such endeavours be to continue its life on this +planet or to remove to other spheres; only then will it be clearly +understood that all Nature is the subject and servant of this Radiant +Energy--that Itself is the god-like 'image' or emanation of God, and +that as such it has its eternal part to perform in the eternal movement +towards the Eternal Highest. + +I now leave the following pages to the reader's attentive or +indifferent consideration. To me, as I have already stated, outside +opinion is of no moment. Personally speaking, I should perhaps have +preferred, had it been possible, to set forth the incidents narrated in +the ensuing 'romance' in the form of separate essays on the nature of +the mystic tuition and experience through which some of us in this +workaday world have the courage to pass successfully, but I know that +the masses of the people who drift restlessly to and fro upon the +surface of this planet, ever seeking for comfort in various forms of +religion and too often finding none, will not listen to any spiritual +truth unless it is conveyed to them, as though they were children, in +the form of a 'story.' I am not the heroine of the tale--though I have +narrated it (more or less as told to me) in the first person singular, +because it seemed to me simpler and more direct. She to whom the +perfect comprehension of happiness has come with an equally perfect +possession of love, is one out of a few who are seeking what she has +found. Many among the world's greatest mystics and philosophers have +tried for the prizes she has won,--for the world possesses Plato, the +Bible and Christ, but in its apparent present ways of living has +learned little or nothing from the three, so that other would-be +teachers may well despair of carrying persuasion where such mighty +predecessors have seemingly failed. The serious and REAL things of life +are nowadays made subjects for derision rather than reverence;--then, +again, there is unhappily an alarmingly increasing majority of +weak-minded and degenerate persons, born of drunken, diseased or +vicious parents, who are mentally unfit for the loftier forms of study, +and in whom the mere act of thought-concentration would be dangerous +and likely to upset their mental balance altogether; while by far the +larger half of the social community seek to avoid the consideration of +anything that is not exactly suited to their tastes. Some of our most +respected social institutions are nothing but so many self-opinionated +and unconscious oppositions to the Law of Nature which is the Law of +God,--and thus it often happens that when obstinate humanity persists +in considering its own ideas of Right and Wrong superior to the Eternal +Decrees which have been visibly presented through Nature since the +earliest dawn of creation, a faulty civilisation sets in and is +presently swept back upon its advancing wheels, and forced to begin +again with primal letters of learning. In the same way a faulty Soul, +an imperfect individual Spirit, is likewise compelled to return to +school and resume the study of the lessons it has failed to put into +practice. Nevertheless, people cannot bear to have it plainly said or +written down, as it has been said and written down over and over again +any time since the world began, that all the corrupt government, wars, +slaveries, plagues, diseases and despairs that afflict humanity are +humanity's own sins taking vengeance upon the sinners, 'even unto the +third and fourth generation.' And this not out of Divine cruelty, but +because of Divine Law which from the first ordained that Evil shall +slay Itself, leaving room only for Good. Men and women alike will +scarce endure to read any book which urges this unalterable fact upon +their attention. They pronounce the author 'arrogant' or 'presuming to +lay down the law';--and they profess to be scandalised by an encounter +with honesty. Nevertheless, the faithful writer of things as they Are +will not be disturbed by the aspect of things as they Seem. + +Spirit,--the creative Essence of all that is,--works in various forms, +but always on an ascending plane, and it invariably rejects and +destroys whatever interrupts that onward and upward progress. Being in +Itself the Radiant outflow of the Mind of God, it is the LIFE of the +Universe. And it is very needful to understand and to remember that +there is nothing which can properly be called SUPER-natural, or above +Nature, inasmuch as this Eternal Spirit of Energy is in and throughout +all Nature. Therefore, what to the common mind appears miraculous or +impossible, is nevertheless actually ordinary, and only seems +EXTRA-ordinary to the common mind's lack of knowledge and experience. +The Fountain of Youth and the Elixir of Life were dreams of the ancient +mystics and scientists, but they are not dreams to-day. To the Soul +that has found them they are Divine Realities. + +MARIE CORELLI + + + + + + + "There is no Death, + What seems so is transition." + + + + +I + +THE HEROINE BEGINS HER STORY + + +It is difficult at all times to write or speak of circumstances which +though perfectly at one with Nature appear to be removed from natural +occurrences. Apart from the incredulity with which the narration of +such incidents is received, the mere idea that any one human creature +should be fortunate enough to secure some particular advantage which +others, through their own indolence or indifference, have missed, is +sufficient to excite the envy of the weak or the anger of the ignorant. +In all criticism it is an understood thing that the subject to be +criticised must be UNDER the critic, never above,--that is to say, +never above the critic's ability to comprehend; therefore, as it is +impossible that an outsider should enter at once into a clear +understanding of the mystic Spiritual-Nature world around him, it +follows that the teachings and tenets of that Spiritual-Nature world +must be more or less a closed book to such an one,--a book, moreover, +which he seldom cares or dares to try and open. + +In this way and for this reason the Eastern philosophers and sages +concealed much of their most profound knowledge from the multitude, +because they rightly recognised the limitations of narrow minds and +prejudiced opinions. What the fool cannot learn he laughs at, thinking +that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent idiocy. And +so it has happened that many of the greatest discoveries of science, +though fully known and realised in the past by the initiated few, were +never disclosed to the many until recent years, when 'wireless +telegraphy' and 'light-rays' are accepted facts, though these very +things were familiar to the Egyptian priests and to that particular +sect known as the 'Hermetic Brethren,' many of whom used the 'violet +ray' for chemical and other purposes ages before the coming of Christ. +Wireless telegraphy was also an ordinary method of communication +between them, and they had their 'stations' for it in high towers on +certain points of land as we have now. But if they had made their +scientific attainments known to the multitude of their day they would +have been judged as impostors or madmen. In the time of Galileo men +would not believe that the earth moved round the sun,--and if anyone +had then declared that messages could be sent from one ship to another +in mid-ocean without any visible means of communication, he would +probably have been put to torture and death as a sorcerer and +deliberate misleader of the public. In the same way those who write of +spiritual truths and the psychic control of our life-forces are as +foolishly criticised as Galileo, and as wrongfully condemned. + +For hundreds of years man's vain presumption and belief in his own +infallibility caused him to remain in error concerning the simplest +elements of astronomy, which would have taught him the true position of +the sphere upon which he dwells. With precisely equal obstinacy man +lives to-day in ignorance of his own highest powers because he will not +take the trouble to study the elements of that supreme and +all-commanding mental science which would enable him to understand his +own essential life and being, and the intention of his Creator with +regard to his progress and betterment. Therefore, in the face of his +persistent egotism and effrontery, and his continuous denial of the +'superhuman' (which denial is absurdly incongruous seeing that all his +religions are built up on a 'superhuman' basis), it is generally +necessary for students of psychic mysteries to guard the treasures of +their wisdom from profane and vulgar scorn,--a scorn which amounts in +their eyes to blasphemy. For centuries it has been their custom to +conceal the tenets of their creed from the common knowledge for the +sake of conventions; because they would, or might, be shut out from +such consolations as human social intercourse can give if their +spiritual attainments were found to be, as they often are, beyond the +ordinary. Thus they move through the world with the utmost caution, and +instead of making a display of their powers they, if they are true to +their faith, studiously deny the idea that they have any extraordinary +or separate knowledge. They live as spectators of the progress or decay +of nations, and they have no desire to make disciples, converts or +confidants. They submit to the obligations of life, obey all civil +codes, and are blameless and generous citizens, only preserving silence +in regard to their own private beliefs, and giving the public the +benefit of their acquirements up to a certain point, but shutting out +curiosity where they do not wish its impertinent eyes. + +To this, the creed just spoken of, I, the writer of this present +narrative, belong. It has nothing whatever to do with merely human +dogma,--and yet I would have it distinctly understood that I am not +opposed to 'forms' of religion save where they overwhelm religion +itself and allow the Spirit to be utterly lost in the Letter. For 'the +letter killeth,--the spirit giveth life.' So far as a 'form' may make a +way for truth to become manifest, I am with it,--but when it is a mere +Sham or Show, and when human souls are lost rather than saved by it, I +am opposed to it. And with all my deficiencies I am conscious that I +may risk the chance of a lower world's disdain, seeing that the 'higher +world without end' is open to me in its imperishable brightness and +beauty, to live in both NOW, and for ever. No one can cast me out of +that glorious and indestructible Universe, for 'whithersoever I go +there will be the sun and the moon, and the stars and visions and +communion with the gods.' + +And so I will fulfil the task allotted to me, and will enter at once +upon my 'story'--in which form I shall endeavour to convey to my +readers certain facts which are as far from fiction as the sayings of +the prophets of old,--sayings that we know have been realised by the +science of to-day. Every great truth has at first been no more than a +dream,--that is to say, a thought, or an instinctive perception of the +Soul reaching after its own immortal heritage. And what the Soul +demands it receives. + + + * * * + * * + * + +At a time of year when the indolent languors of an exceptionally warm +summer disinclined most people for continuous hard work, and when those +who could afford it had left their ordinary avocations for the joys of +a long holiday, I received a pressing invitation from certain persons +whom I had met by chance during one London season, to join them in a +yachting cruise. My intending host was an exceedingly rich man, a +widower with one daughter, a delicate and ailing creature who, had she +been poor, would have been irreverently styled 'a tiresome old maid,' +but who by reason of being a millionaire's sole heiress was alluded to +with sycophantic tenderness by all and sundry as 'Poor Miss Catherine.' +Morton Harland, her father, was in a certain sense notorious for having +written and published a bitter, cold and pitiless attack on religion, +which was the favourite reading of many scholars and literary men, and +this notable performance, together with the well accredited reports of +his almost fabulous wealth, secured for him two social sets,--the one +composed of such human sharks as are accustomed to swim round the +plutocrat,--the other of the cynical, listless, semi-bored portion of a +so-called cultured class who, having grown utterly tired of themselves, +presumed that it was clever to be equally tired of God. I was surprised +that such a man as he was should think of including me among his +guests, for I had scarcely exchanged a dozen words with him, and my +acquaintance with Miss Harland was restricted to a few casual +condolences with her respecting the state of her health. Yet it so +chanced that one of those vague impulses to which we can give no name, +but which often play an important part in the building up of our +life-dramas, moved both father and daughter to a wish for my company. +Moreover, the wish was so strong that though on first receiving their +invitation I had refused it, they repeated it urgently, Morton Harland +himself pressing it upon me with an almost imperative insistence. + +"You want rest,"--he said, peering at me narrowly with his small hard +brown eyes--"You work all the time. And to what purpose?" + +I smiled. + +"To as much purpose as anyone else, I suppose,"--I answered--"But to +put it plainly, I work because I love work." + +The lines of his mouth grew harder. + +"So did I love work when I was your age,"--he said--"I thought I could +carve out a destiny. So I could. I have done it. But now it's done I'm +tired! I'm sick of my destiny,--the thing I carved out so cleverly,--it +has the stone face of a Sphinx and its eyes are blank and without +meaning." + +I was silent. My silence seemed to irritate him, and he gave me a +sharp, enquiring glance. + +"Do you hear me?" he demanded--"If you do, I don't believe you +understand!" + +"I hear--and I quite understand,"--I replied, quietly, "Your destiny, +as you have made it, is that of a rich man. And you do not care about +it. I think that's quite natural." + +He laughed harshly. + +"There you are again!" he exclaimed--"Up in the air and riding a theory +like a witch on a broomstick! It's NOT natural. That's just where +you're wrong! It's quite UN-natural. If a man has plenty of money he +ought to be perfectly happy and satisfied,--he can get everything he +wants,--he can move the whole world of commerce and speculation, and +can shake the tree of Fortune so that the apples shall always fall at +his own feet. But if the apples are tasteless there's something wrong." + +"Not with the apples," I said. + +"Oh, I know what you mean! You would say the fault is with me, not with +Fortune's fruit. You may be right. Catherine says you are. Poor mopish +Catherine!--always ailing, always querulous! Come and cheer her!" + +"But"--I ventured to say--"I hardly know her." + +"That's true. But she has taken a curious fancy to you. She has very +few fancies nowadays,--none that wealth can gratify. Her life has been +a complete disillusion. If you would do her and me a kindness, come!" + +I was a little troubled by his pertinacity. I had never liked Morton +Harland. His reputation, both as a man of wealth and a man of letters, +was to me unenviable. He did no particular good with his money,--and +such literary talent as he possessed he squandered in attacking nobler +ideals than he had ever been able to attain. He was not agreeable to +look at either; his pale, close-shaven face was deeply marked by lines +of avarice and cunning,--his tall, lean figure had an aggressive air in +its very attitude, and his unkind mouth never failed, whether in +speaking or smiling, to express a sneer. Apparently he guessed the +vague tenor of my thoughts, for he went on:-- + +"Don't be afraid of me! I'm not an ogre, and I shan't eat you! You +think me a disagreeable man--well, so I am. I've had enough in my life +to make me disagreeable. And"--here he paused, passing his hand across +his eyes with a worried and impatient gesture--"I've had an unexpected +blow just lately. The doctors tell me that I have a mortal disease for +which there is no remedy. I may live on for several years, or I may die +suddenly; it's all a matter of care--or chance. I want to forget the +sad news for a while if I can. I've told Catherine, and I suppose I've +added to her usual burden of vapours and melancholy--so we're a couple +of miserable wretches. It's not very unselfish of us to ask you to come +and join us under such circumstances--" + +As he spoke my mind suddenly made itself up. I would go. Why not? A +cruise on a magnificent steam yacht, replete with every comfort and +luxury, was surely a fairly pleasant way of taking a holiday, even with +two invalids for company. + +"I'm sorry," I said, as gently as I could--"very sorry that you are +ill. Perhaps the doctors may be mistaken. They are not always +infallible. Many of their doomed patients have recovered in spite of +their verdict. And--as you and Miss Harland wish it so much--I will +certainly come." + +His frowning face lightened, and for a moment looked almost kind. + +"That's right!" he said--"The fresh air and the sea will do you good. +As for ourselves, sickly people though we are, we shall not obtrude our +ailments upon your attention. At least _I_ shall not. Catherine +may--she has got into an unfortunate habit of talking about her aches +and pains, and if her acquaintances have no aches and pains to discuss +with her she is at a loss for conversation. However, we shall do our +best to make the time go easily with you. There will be no other +company on board--except my private secretary and my attendant +physician,--both decent fellows who know their place and keep it." + +The hard look settled again in his eyes, and his ugly mouth closed +firmly in its usual cruel line. My subconscious dislike of him gave me +a sharp thrust of regret that, after all, I had accepted his invitation. + +"I was going to Scotland for a change,"--I murmured, hesitatingly. + +"Were you? Then our plans coincide. We join the yacht at Rothesay--you +can meet us there. I propose a cruise among the Western isles--the +Hebrides--and possibly on to Norway and its fjords. What do you say?" + +My heart thrilled with a sudden sense of expectant joy. In my fancy I +already saw the heather-crowned summits of the Highland hills, bathed +in soft climbing mists of amethyst and rose,--the lovely purple light +that dances on the mountain lochs at the sinking of the sun,--the +exquisite beauty of wild moor and rocky foreland,--and almost I was +disposed to think this antipathetic millionaire an angel of blessing in +disguise. + +"It will be delightful!" I said, with real fervour--"I shall love it! +I'm glad you are going to keep to northern seas." + +"Northern seas are the only seas possible for summer," he +replied--"With the winter one goes south, as a matter of course, though +I'm not sure that it is always advisable. I have found the +Mediterranean tiresome very often." He broke off and seemed to lose +himself for a moment in a tangle of vexed thought. Then he resumed +quickly:--"Well, next week, then. Rothesay bay, and the yacht 'Diana.'" + +Things being thus settled, we shook hands and parted. In the interval +between his visit and my departure from home I had plenty to do, and I +heard no more of the Harlands, except that I received a little note +from Miss Catherine expressing her pleasure that I had agreed to +accompany them on their cruise. + +"You will be very dull, I fear,"--she wrote, kindly--"But not so dull +as we should be without you." + +This was a gracious phrase which meant as much or as little as most +such phrases of a conventionally amiable character. Dulness, however, +is a condition of brain and body of which I am seldom conscious, so +that the suggestion of its possibility did not disturb my outlook. +Having resolved to go, I equally resolved to enjoy the trip to the +utmost limit of my capacity for enjoyment, which--fortunately for +myself--is very great. Before my departure from home I had to listen, +of course, to the usual croaking chorus of acquaintances in the +neighbourhood who were not going yachting and who, according to their +own assertion, never would on any account go yachting. There is a +tendency in many persons to decry every pleasure which they have no +chance of sharing, and this was not lacking among my provincial gossips. + +"The weather has been so fine lately that we're sure to have a break +soon,"--said one--"I expect you'll meet gales at sea." + +"I hear," said another, "that heavy rains are threatening the west +coast of Scotland." + +"Such a bore, yachting!" declared a worthy woman who had never been on +a yacht in her life--"The people on board get sick of each other's +company in a week!" + +"Well, you ought to pity me very much, then!"--I said, +laughing--"According to your ideas, a yachting cruise appears to be the +last possible form of physical suffering that can be inflicted on any +human being. But I shall hope to come safely out of it all the same!" + +My visitors gave me a wry smile. It was quite easy to see that they +envied what they considered my good fortune in getting a holiday under +the most luxurious circumstances without its costing me a penny. This +was the only view they took of it. It is the only view people generally +take of any situation,--namely, the financial side. + +The night before I left home was to me a memorable one. Nothing of any +outward or apparent interest happened, and I was quite alone, yet I was +conscious of a singular elation of both mind and body as though I were +surrounded by a vibrating atmosphere of light and joy. It was an +impression that came upon me suddenly, seeming to have little or +nothing to do with my own identity, yet withal it was still so personal +that I felt eager to praise for such a rich inflow of happiness. The +impression was purely psychic I knew,--but it was worth a thousand +gifts of material good. Nothing seemed sad,--nothing seemed difficult +in the whole Universe--every shadow of trouble seemed swept away from a +shining sky of peace. I threw open the lattice window of my study and +stepping out on the balcony which overhung the garden, I stood there +dreamily looking out upon the night. There was no moon; only a million +quivering points of light flashing from the crowded stars in a heaven +of dusky blue. The air was warm, and fragrant with the sweet scent of +stocks and heliotrope,--there was a great silence, for it was fully +midnight, and not even the drowsy twitter of a bird broke the intense +quiet. The world was asleep--or seemed so--although for fifty living +organisms in Nature that sleep there are a thousand that wake, to whom +night is the working day. I listened,--and fancied I could hear the +delicate murmuring of voices hidden among the leaves and behind the +trees, and the thrill of soft music flowing towards me on the +sound-waves of the air. It was one of those supreme moments when I +almost thought I had made some marked progress towards the attainment +of my highest aims,--when the time I had spent and the patience I had +exercised in cultivating and training what may be called the INWARD +powers of sight and hearing were about to be rewarded by a full opening +to my striving spirit of the gates which had till now been only set +ajar. I knew,--for I had studied and proved the truth,--that every +bodily sense we possess is simply an imperfect outcome of its original +and existent faculty in the Soul,--that our bodily ears are only the +material expressions of that spiritual hearing which is fine and keen +enough to catch the lightest angel whisper,--that our eyes are but the +outward semblance of those brilliant inner orbs of vision which are +made to look upon the supernal glories of Heaven itself without fear or +flinching,--and that our very sense of touch is but a rough and +uncertain handling of perishable things as compared with that sure and +delicate contact of the Soul's personal being with the etheric +substances pertaining to itself. Despite my eager expectation, however, +nothing more was granted to me then but just that exquisite sensation +of pure joy, which like a rain of light bathed every fibre of my being. +It was enough, I told myself--surely enough!--and yet it seemed to me +there should be something more. It was a promise with the fulfilment +close at hand, yet undeclared,--like a snow-white cloud with the sun +behind it. But I was given no solution of the rapturous mystery +surrounding me,--and--granting my soul an absolute freedom, it could +plunge no deeper than through the immensity of stars to immensities +still more profound, there to dream and hope and wait. For years I had +done this,--for years I had worked and prayed, watching the pageant of +poor human pride and vanity drift past me like shadows on the shore of +a dead sea,--succeeding little by little in threading my way through +the closest labyrinths of life, and finding out the beautiful reasons +of living;--and every now and then,--as to-night,--I had felt myself on +the verge of a discovery which in its divine simplicity should make all +problems clear and all difficulties easy, when I had been gently but +firmly held back by a force invisible, and warned, 'Thus far, and no +farther!' To oppose this force or make any personal effort to rebel +against it, is no part of my faith,--therefore at such moments I had +always yielded instantly and obediently as I yielded now. I was not +allowed to fathom the occult source of my happiness, but the happiness +remained,--and when I retired to rest it was with more than ordinary +gratitude that I said my usual brief prayer:--For the day that is past, +I thank Thee, O God my Father! For the night that has come, I thank +Thee! As one with Thee and with Nature I gratefully take the rest Thou +hast lovingly ordained. Whether I sleep or wake my body and soul are +Thine. Do with them as Thou wilt, for Thy command is my joy. Amen. + +I slept as soundly and peacefully as a child, and the next day started +on my journey in the brightest of bright summer weather. A friend +travelled with me--one of those amiable women to whom life is always +pleasant because of the pleasantness in their own natures; she had +taken a house for the season in Inverness-shire, and I had arranged to +join her there when my trip with the Harlands was over, or rather, I +should say, when they had grown weary of me and I of them. The latter +chance was, thought my friend, whom I will call Francesca, most likely. + +"There's no greater boredom,"--she declared--"than the society of an +imaginative invalid. Such company will not be restful to you,--it will +tire you out. Morton Harland himself may be really ill, as he says--I +shouldn't wonder if he is, for he looks it!--but his daughter has +nothing whatever the matter with her,--except nerves." + +"Nerves are bad enough,"--I said. + +"Nerves can be conquered,"--she answered, with a bright smile of +wholesome conviction--"Nerves are generally--well!--just selfishness!" + +There was some truth in this, but we did not argue the point further. +We were too much engrossed with the interests of our journey north, and +with the entertainment provided for us by our fellow-travellers. The +train for Edinburgh and Glasgow was crowded with men of that particular +social class who find grouse-shooting an intelligent way of using their +brain and muscle, and gun-cases cumbered the ground in every corner. It +wanted yet several days to the famous Twelfth of August, but the +weather was so exceptionally fine and brilliant that the exodus from +town had begun earlier than was actually necessary for the purposes of +slaughter. Francesca and I studied the faces and figures of our +companions with lively and unabated interest. We had a reserved +compartment to ourselves, and from its secluded privacy we watched the +restless pacing up and down in the adjacent corridor of sundry male +creatures who seemed to have nothing whatever to think about but the +day's newspaper, and nothing to do but smoke. + +"I am sure," said Francesca, suddenly--"that in the beginning of +creation we were all beasts and birds of prey, eating each other up and +tearing each other to pieces. The love of prey is in us still." + +"Not in you, surely?" I queried, with a smile. + +"Oh, I am not talking or thinking of myself. I'm just--a woman. So are +you--a woman--and something more, perhaps--something not like the rest +of us." Here her kind eyes regarded me a trifle wistfully. "I can't +quite make you out sometimes,--I wish I could! But--apart from you and +me--look at a few of these men! One has just passed our window who has +the exact physiognomy of a hawk,--cruel eyes and sharp nose like a +voracious beak. Another I noticed a minute ago with a perfectly +pig-like face,--he does not look rightly placed on two legs, his +natural attitude is on four legs, grunting with his snout in the +gutter!" + +I laughed. + +"You are a severe critic, Francesca!" + +"Not I. I'm not criticising at all. But I can't help seeing +resemblances. And sometimes they are quite appalling. Now you, for +instance,"--here she laid a hand tentatively on mine--"you, in your +mysterious ideas of religion, actually believe that persons who lead +evil lives and encourage evil thoughts, descend the scale from which +they have risen and go back to the lowest forms of life--" + +"I do believe that certainly"--I answered--"But--" + +"'But me no buts,'"--she interrupted--"I tell you there are people in +this world whom I see IN THE VERY ACT OF DESCENDING! And it makes me +grow cold!" + +I could well understand her feeling. I had experienced it often. +Nothing has ever filled me with a more hopeless sense of inadequacy and +utter uselessness than to watch, as I am often compelled to watch, the +deplorable results of the determined choice made by certain human +beings to go backward and downward rather than forward and upward,--a +choice in which no outside advice can be of any avail because they will +not take it even if it is offered. It is a life-and-death matter for +their own wills to determine,--and no power, human or divine, can alter +the course they elect to adopt. As well expect that God would revert +His law of gravitation to save the silly suicide who leaps to +destruction from tower or steeple, as that He would change the eternal +working of His higher Spiritual Law to rescue the resolved Soul which, +knowing the difference between good and evil, deliberately prefers +evil. If an angel of light, a veritable 'Son of the Morning' rebels, he +must fall from Heaven. There is no alternative; until of his own +free-will he chooses to rise again. + +My friend and I had often talked together on these knotty points which +tangled up what should be the straightness of many a life's career, and +as we mutually knew each other's opinions we did not discuss them at +the moment. + +Time passed quickly,--the train rushed farther and farther north, and +by six o'clock on that warm, sunshiny afternoon we were in the grimy +city of Glasgow, from whence we went on to a still grimier quarter, +Greenock, where we put up for the night. The 'best' hotel was a sorry +affair, but we were too tired to mind either a bad dinner or +uncomfortable rooms, and went to bed glad of any place wherein to +sleep. Next morning we woke up very early, refreshed and joyous, in +time to see the sun rise in a warm mist of gold over a huge man-o'-war +outside Greenock harbour,--a sight which, in its way, was very fine and +rather suggestive of a Turner picture. + +"Dear old Sol!" said Francesca, shading her eyes as she looked at the +dazzle of glory--"His mission is to sustain life,--and the object of +that war-vessel bathed in all his golden rays is to destroy it. What +unscrupulous villains men are! Why cannot nations resolve on peace and +amity, and if differences arise agree to settle them by arbitration? +It's such a pagan and brutal thing to kill thousands of innocent men +just because Governments quarrel." + +"I entirely agree with you,"--I said--"All the same I don't approve of +Governments that preach peace while they drain the people's pockets for +the purpose of increasing armaments, after the German fashion. Let us +be ready with adequate defences,--but it's surely very foolish to +cripple our nation at home by way of preparation for wars which may +never happen." + +"And yet they MAY happen!" said Francesca, her eyes still dreamily +watching the sunlit heavens--"Everything in the Universe is engaged in +some sort of a fight, so it seems to me. The tiniest insects are for +ever combating each other. In the very channels of our own blood the +poisonous and non-poisonous germs are constantly striving for the +mastery, and how can we escape the general ordainment? Life itself is a +continual battle between good and evil, and if it were not so we should +have no object in living. The whole business is evidently intended to +be a dose conflict to the end." + +"There is no end!" I said. + +She looked at me almost compassionately. + +"So you imagine!" + +I smiled. + +"So I KNOW!" + +A vague expression flitted over her face,--an expression with which I +had become familiar. She was a most lovable and intelligent creature, +but she could not think very far,--the effort wearied and perplexed her. + +"Well, then, it must be an everlasting skirmish, I suppose!" she said, +laughingly,--"I wonder if our souls will ever get tired!" + +"Do you think God ever gets tired?" I asked. + +She looked startled,--then amused. + +"He ought to!" she declared, with vivacity--"I don't mean to be +irreverent, but really, what with all the living things in all the +millions of worlds trying to get what they ought not to have, and +wailing and howling when they are disappointed of their wishes, He +ought to be very, very tired!" + +"But He is not,"--I said;--"If He were, there would indeed be an end of +all! Should the Creator be weary of His work, the work would be undone. +I wish we thought of this more often!" + +She put her arm round me kindly. + +"You are a strange creature!" she said--"You think a great deal too +much of all these abstruse subjects. After all, I'm glad you are going +on this cruise with the Harland people. They will bring you down from +the spheres with a run! They will, I'm sure! You'll hear no +conversation that does not turn on baths, medicines, massage, and +general cure-alls! And when you come on to stay with me in +Inverness-shire you'll be quite commonplace and sensible!" + +I smiled. The dear Francesca always associated 'the commonplace and +sensible' together, as though they were fitted to companion each other. +The complete reverse is, of course, the case, for the 'commonplace' is +generally nothing more than the daily routine of body which is +instinctively followed by beasts and birds as equally as by man, and +has no more to do with real 'sense' or pure mentality than the ticking +of a watch has to do with the enormous forces of the sun. What we call +actual 'Sense' is the perception of the Soul,--a perception which +cannot be limited to things which are merely material, inasmuch as it +passes beyond outward needs and appearances and reaches to the causes +which create those outward needs and appearances. I was, however, +satisfied to leave my friend in possession of the field of argument, +the more readily as our parting from each other was so near at hand. + +We journeyed together by the steamer 'Columba' to Rothesay, where, on +entering the beautiful bay, crowded at this season with pleasure craft, +the first object which attracted our attention was the very vessel for +which I was bound, the 'Diana,' one of the most magnificent yachts ever +built to gratify the whim of a millionaire. Tourists on board our +steamer at once took up positions where they could obtain the best view +of her, and many were the comments we heard concerning her size and the +beauty of her lines as she rode at anchor on the sunlit water. + +"You'll be in a floating palace,"--said Francesca, as we approached +Rothesay pier, and she bade me an affectionate adieu--"Now take care of +yourself, and don't fly away to the moon on what you call an etheric +vibration! Remember, if you get tired of the Harlands to come to me at +once." + +I promised, and we parted. On landing at Rothesay I was almost +immediately approached by a sailor from the 'Diana,' who, spying my +name on my luggage, quickly possessed himself of it and told me the +motor launch was in waiting to take me over to the yacht. I was on my +way across the sparkling bay before the 'Columba' started out again +from the pier, and Francesca, standing on the steamer's deck, waved to +me a smiling farewell as I went. In about ten minutes I was on board +the 'Diana,' shaking hands with Morton Harland and his daughter +Catherine, who, wrapped up in shawls on a deck chair, looked as though +she were guarding herself from the chills of a rigorous winter rather +than basking in the warm sunshine of a summer morning. + +"You look very well!"--she said, in tones of plaintive amiability--"And +so wonderfully bright!" + +"It's such a bright day,"--I answered, feeling as if I ought somehow to +apologise for a healthy appearance, "One can't help being happy!" + +She sighed and smiled faintly, and her maid appearing at that moment to +take my travelling bag and wraps, I was shown the cabin, or rather the +state-room which was to be mine during the cruise. It was a luxurious +double apartment, bedroom and sitting-room together, divided only by +the hanging folds of a rich crimson silk curtain, and exquisitely +fitted with white enamelled furniture ornamented with hand-wrought +silver. The bed had no resemblance whatever to a ship's berth, but was +an elaborate full-sized affair, canopied in white silk embroidered with +roses; the carpet was of a thick softness into which my feet sank as +though it were moss, and a tall silver and crystal vase, full of +gorgeous roses, was placed at the foot of a standing mirror framed in +silver, so that the blossoms were reflected double. The sitting-room +was provided with easy chairs, a writing-table, and a small piano, and +here, too, masses of roses showed their fair faces from every corner. +It was all so charming that I could not help uttering an exclamation of +delight, and the maid who was unpacking my things smiled +sympathetically. + +"It's perfectly lovely!" I said, turning to her with eagerness--"It's +quite a little fairyland! But isn't this Miss Harland's cabin?" + +"Oh dear no, miss,"--she replied--"Miss Harland wouldn't have all these +things about her on any account. There are no carpets or curtains in +Miss Harland's rooms. She thinks them very unhealthy. She has only a +bit of matting on the floor, and an iron bedstead--all very plain. And +as for roses!--she wouldn't have a rose near her for ever so!--she +can't bear the smell of them." + +I made no comment. I was too enchanted with my surroundings for the +moment to consider how uncomfortable my hostess chose to make herself. + +"Who arranged these rooms?" I asked. + +"Mr. Harland gave orders to the steward to make them as pretty as he +could,"--said the maid--"John" and she blushed--"has a lot of taste." + +I smiled. I saw at once how matters were between her and "John." Just +then there was a sound of thudding and grinding above my head, and I +realised that we were beginning to weigh anchor. Quickly tying on my +yachting cap and veil, I hurried on deck, and was soon standing beside +my host, who seemed pleased at the alacrity with which I had joined +him, and I watched with feelings of indescribable exhilaration the +'Diana' being loosed from her moorings. Steam was up, and in a very +short time her bowsprit swung round and pointed outward from the bay. +Quivering like an eager race-horse ready to start, she sprang forward; +and then, with a stately sweeping curve, glided across the water, +catting it into bright wavelets with her sword-like keel and churning a +path behind her of opalescent foam. We were off on our voyage of +pleasure at last,--a voyage which the Fates had determined should, for +one adventurer at least, lead to strange regions as yet unexplored. But +no premonitory sign was given to me, or suggestion that I might be the +one chosen to sail 'the perilous seas of fairy lands forlorn'--for in +spiritual things of high import, the soul that is most concerned is +always the least expectant. + + + + +II + +THE FAIRY SHIP + + +I was introduced that evening at dinner to Mr. Harland's physician, and +also to his private secretary. I was not greatly prepossessed in favour +of either of these gentlemen. Dr. Brayle was a dark, slim, clean-shaven +man of middle age with expressionless brown eyes and sleek black hair +which was carefully brushed and parted down the middle,--he was quiet +and self-contained in manner, and yet I thought I could see that he was +fully alive to the advantages of his position as travelling medical +adviser to an American millionaire. I have not mentioned till now that +Morton Harland was an American. I was always rather in the habit of +forgetting the fact, as he had long ago forsworn his nationality and +had naturalised himself as a British subject. But he had made his vast +fortune in America, and was still the controlling magnate of many large +financial interests in the States. He was, however, much more English +than American, for he had been educated at Oxford, and as a young man +had been always associated with English society and English ways. He +had married an English wife, who died when their first child, his +daughter, was born, and he was wont to set down all Miss Catherine's +mopish languors to a delicacy inherited from her mother, and to lack of +a mother's care in childhood. In my opinion Catherine was robust +enough, but it was evident that from a very early age she had been +given her own way to the fullest extent, and had been so accustomed to +have every little ailment exaggerated and made the most of that she had +grown to believe health of body and mind as well-nigh impossible to the +human being. Dr. Brayle, I soon perceived, lent himself to this +attitude, and I did not like the covert gleam of his mahogany-coloured +eyes as he glanced rapidly from father to daughter in the pauses of +conversation, watching them as narrowly as a cat might watch a couple +of unwary mice. The secretary, Mr. Swinton, was a pale, precise-looking +young man with a somewhat servile demeanour, under which he concealed +an inordinately good opinion of himself. His ideas were centred in and +bounded by the art of stenography,--he was an adept in shorthand and +typewriting, could jot down, I forget how many crowds of jostling words +a minute, and never made a mistake. He was a clock-work model of +punctuality and dispatch, of respectfulness and obedience,--but he was +no more than a machine,--he could not be moved to a spontaneous +utterance or a spontaneous smile, unless both smile and utterance were +the result of some pleasantness affecting himself. Neither Dr. Brayle +nor Mr. Swinton were men whom one could positively like or +dislike,--they simply had the power of creating an atmosphere in which +my spirit found itself swimming like a gold-fish in a bowl, wondering +how it got in and how it could get out. + +As I sat rather silently at table I felt, rather than saw, Dr. Brayle +regarding me with a kind of perplexed curiosity. I was as fully aware +of his sensations as of my own,--I knew that my presence irritated him, +though he was not clever enough to explain even to himself the cause of +his irritation. So far as Mr. Swinton was concerned, he was comfortably +wrapped up in a pachydermatous hide of self-appreciation, so that he +thought nothing about me one way or the other except as a guest of his +patrons, and one therefore to whom he was bound to be civil. But with +Dr. Brayle it was otherwise. I was a puzzle to him, and--after a brief +study of me--an annoyance. He forced himself into conversation with me, +however, and we interchanged a few remarks on the weather and on the +various beauties of the coast along which we had been sailing all day. + +"I see that you care very much for fine scenery," he said--"Few women +do." + +"Really?" And I smiled. "Is admiration of the beautiful a special +privilege of men only?" + +"It should be,"--he answered, with a little bow--"We are the admirers +of your sex." + +I made no answer. Mr. Harland looked at me with a somewhat quizzical +air. + +"You are not a believer in compliments," he said. + +"Was it a compliment?" I asked, laughingly--"I'm afraid I'm very dense! +I did not see that it was meant as one." + +Dr. Brayle's dark brows drew together in a slight frown. With that +expression on his face he looked very much like an Italian poisoner of +old time,--the kind of man whom Caesar Borgia might have employed to +give the happy dispatch to his enemies by some sure and undiscoverable +means known only to intricate chemistry. + +Presently Mr. Harland spoke again, while he peeled a pear slowly and +delicately with a deft movement of his fruit knife that suggested +cruelty and the flaying alive of some sentient thing. + +"Our little friend is of a rather strange disposition," he +observed--"She has the indifference of an old-world philosopher to the +saying of speeches that are merely socially agreeable. She is ardent in +soul, but suspicious in mind! She imagines that a pleasant word may +often be used to cover a treacherous action, and if a man is as rude +and blunt as myself, for example, she prefers that he should be rude +and blunt rather than that he should attempt to conceal his roughness +by an amiability which it is not his nature to feel." Here he looked up +at me from the careful scrutiny of his nearly flayed pear. "Isn't that +so?" + +"Certainly,"--I answered--"But that's not a 'strange' or original +attitude of mind." + +The corners of his ugly mouth curled satirically. + +"Pardon me, dear lady, it is! The normal and strictly reasonable +attitude of the healthy human Pigmy is that It should accept as gospel +all that It is told of a nature soothing and agreeable to Itself. It +should believe, among other things, that It is a very precious Pigmy +among natural forces, destined to be immortal, and to share with Divine +Intelligence the privileges of Heaven. Put out by the merest trifle, +troubled by a spasm, driven almost to howling by a toothache, and +generally helpless in all very aggravated adverse circumstances, It +should still console Itself with the idea that Its being, Its +proportions and perfections are superb enough to draw down Deity into a +human shape as a creature of human necessities in order that It, the +Pigmy, should claim kinship with the Divine now and for ever! What +gorgeous blasphemy in such a scheme!--what magnificent arrogance!" I +was silent, but I could almost hear my heart beating with suppressed +emotion. I knew Morton Harland was an atheist, so far as atheism is +possible to any creature born of spirit as well as matter, but I did +not think he would air his opinions so openly and at once before me the +first evening of my stay on board his yacht. I saw, however, that he +spoke in this way hoping to move me to an answering argument for the +amusement of himself and the other two men present, and therefore I did +what was incumbent upon me to do in such a situation--held my peace. +Dr. Brayle watched me curiously,--and poor Catherine Harland turned her +plaintive eyes upon me full of alarm. She had learned to dread her +father's fondness for starting topics which led to religious +discussions of a somewhat heated nature. But as I did not speak, Mr. +Harland was placed in the embarrassing position of a person propounding +a theory which no one shows any eagerness to accept or to deny, and, +looking slightly confused, he went on in a lighter and more casual way-- + +"I had a friend once at Oxford,--a wonderful fellow, full of strange +dreams and occult fancies. He was one of those who believed in the +Divine half of man. He used to study curious old books and manuscripts +till long past midnight, and never seemed tired. His father had lived +by choice in some desert corner of Egypt for forty years, and in Egypt +this boy had been born. Of his mother he never spoke. His father died +suddenly and left him a large fortune under trustees till he came of +age, with instructions that he was to be taken to England and educated +at Oxford, and that when he came into possession of his money, he was +to be left free to do as he liked with it. I met him when he was almost +half-way through his University course. I was only two or three years +his senior, but he always looked much younger than I. And he was, as we +all said, 'uncanny '--as uncanny as our little friend,"--here +indicating me by a nod of his head and a smile which was meant to be +kindly--"He never practised or 'trained' for anything and yet all +things came easily to him. He was as magnificent in his sports as he +was in his studies, and I remember--how well I remember it!--that there +came a time at last when we all grew afraid of him. If we saw him +coming along the 'High' we avoided him,--he had something of terror as +well as admiration for us,--and though I was of his college and +constantly thrown into association with him, I soon became infected +with the general scare. One night he stopped me in the quadrangle where +he had his rooms--" + +Here Mr. Harland broke off suddenly. + +"I'm boring you,"--he said--"I really have no business to inflict the +recollections of my youth upon you." + +Dr. Brayle's brown eyes showed a glistening animal interest. + +"Pray go on!" he urged--"It sounds like the chapter of a romance." + +"I'm not a believer in romance,"--said Mr. Harland, grimly--"Facts are +enough in themselves without any embroidered additions. This fellow was +a Fact,--a healthy, strong, energetic, living Fact. He stopped me in +the quadrangle as I tell you,--and he laid his hand on my shoulder. I +shrank from his touch, and had a restless desire to get away from him. +'What's the matter with you, Harland?' he said, in a grave, musical +voice that was peculiarly his own--'You seem afraid of me. If you are, +the fault is in yourself, not in me!' I shuffled my feet about on the +stone pavement, not knowing what to say--then I stammered out the +foolish excuses young men make when they find themselves in an awkward +corner. He listened to my stammering remarks about 'the other fellows' +with attentive patience,--then he took his hand from my shoulder with a +quick, decisive movement. 'Look here, Harland'--he said--'You are +taking up all the conventions and traditions with which our poor old +Alma Mater is encrusted, and sticking them over you like burrs. They'll +cling, remember! It's a pity you choose this way of going,--I'm +starting at the farther end--where Oxford leaves off and Life begins!' +I suppose I stared--for he went on--'I mean Life that goes +forward,--not Life that goes backward, picking up the stale crumbs +fallen from centuries that have finished their banquet and passed on. +There!--I won't detain you! We shall not meet often--but don't forget +what I have said,--that if you are afraid of me, or of any other man, +or of any existing thing,--the fault is in yourself, not in the persons +or objects you fear.' 'I don't see it,' I blurted out, angrily--'What +of the other fellows? They think you're queer!' He laughed. 'Bless the +other fellows!' he said--'They're with you in the same boat! They think +me queer because THEY are queer--that is,--out of line--themselves.' I +was irritated by his easy indifference and asked him what he meant by +'out of line.' 'Suppose you see a beautiful garden harmoniously +planned,' he said, still smiling, 'and some clumsy fellow comes along +and puts a crooked pigstye up among the flower beds, you would call +that "out of line," wouldn't you? Unsuitable, to say the least of it?' +'Oh!' I said, hotly--'So you consider me and my friends crooked +pigstyes in your landscape?' He made me a gay, half apologetic gesture. +'Something of the type, dear boy!' he said--'But don't worry! The +crooked pigstye is always a most popular kind of building in the world +you will live in!' With that he bade me good-night, and went. I was +very angry with him, for I was a conceited youth and thought myself and +my particular associates the very cream of Oxford,--but he took all the +highest honours that year, and when he finally left the University he +vanished, so to speak, in a blaze of intellectual glory. I have never +seen him again--and never heard of him--and so I suppose his studies +led him nowhere. He must be an elderly man now,--he may be lame, blind, +lunatic, or what is more probable still, he may be dead, and I don't +know why I think of him except that his theories were much the same as +those of our little friend,"--again indicating me by a nod--"He never +cared for agreeable speeches,--always rather mistrusted social +conventions, and believed in a Higher Life after Death." + +"Or a Lower,"--I put in, quietly. + +"Ah yes! There must be a Down grade, of course, if there is an Up. The +two would be part of each other's existence. But as I accept neither, +the point does not matter." + +I looked at him, and I suppose my looks expressed wonder or pity or +both, for he averted his glance from mine. + +"You are something of a spiritualist, I believe?"--said Dr. Brayle, +lifting his hard eyes from the scrutiny of the tablecloth and fixing +them upon me. + +"Not at all,"--I answered, at once, and with emphasis. "That is, if you +mean by the term 'spiritualist' a credulous person who believes in +mediumistic trickery, automatic writing and the like. That is sheer +nonsense and self-deception." + +"Several experienced scientists give these matters considerable +attention,"--suggested Mr. Swinton, primly. + +I smiled. + +"Science, like everything else, has its borderland," I said--"from +which the brain can easily slip off into chaos. The most approved +scientific professors are liable to this dire end of their +speculations. They forget that in order to understand the Infinite they +must first be sure of the Infinite in themselves." + +"You speak like an oracle, fair lady!"--said Mr. Harland--"But despite +your sage utterances Man remains as finite as ever." + +"If he chooses the finite state certainly he does,"--I answered--"He is +always what he elects to be." + +Mr. Harland seemed desirous of continuing the argument, but I would say +no more. The topic was too serious and sacred with me to allow it to be +lightly discussed by persons whose attitude of mind was distinctly +opposed and antipathetic to all things beyond the merely mundane. + +After dinner, Miss Catherine professed herself to be suffering from +neuralgia, and gathering up her shawls and wraps asked me to excuse her +for going to bed early. I bade her good-night, and, leaving my host and +the two other men to their smoke, I went up on deck. We were anchored +off Mull, and against a starlit sky of exceptional clearness the dark +mountains of Morven were outlined with a softness as of black velvet. +The yacht rested on perfectly calm waters, shining like polished +steel,--and the warm stillness of the summer night was deliciously +soothing and restful. Our captain and one or two of the sailors were +about on duty, and I sat in the stern of the vessel looking up into the +glorious heavens. The tapering bow-sprit of the 'Diana' pointed aloft +as it were into a woven web of stars, and I lost myself in imaginary +flight among those glittering unknown worlds, oblivious of my material +surroundings, and forgetting that despite the splendid evidences of a +governing Intelligence in the beauty and order of the Universe spread +about them every day, my companions in the journey of pleasure we were +undertaking together were actually destitute of all faith in God, and +had less perception of the existing Divine than the humblest plant may +possess that instinctively forces its way upward to the light. I did +not think of this,--it was no use thinking about it as I could not +better the position,--but I found myself curiously considering the +story Mr. Harland had told about his college friend at Oxford. I tried +to picture his face and figure till presently it seemed as if I saw +him,--indeed I could have sworn that a man's shadowy form stood +immediately in front of me, bending upon me a searching glance from +eyes that were strangely familiar. Startled at this wraith of my own +fancy, I half rose from my chair--then sank back again with a laugh at +my imagination's too vivid power of portrayal. A figure did certainly +present itself, but one of sufficient bulk to convince me of its +substantiality. This was the captain of the 'Diana,' a cheery-looking +personage of a thoroughly nautical type, who, approaching me, lifted +his cap and said: + +"That's a wonderfully fine yacht that has just dropped anchor behind +us. She's illuminated, too. Have you seen her?" + +"No," I answered, and turned in the direction he indicated. An +involuntary exclamation escaped me. There, about half a mile to our +rear, floated a schooner of exquisite proportions and fairy-like grace, +outlined from stem to stern by delicate borderings of electric light as +though decorated for some great festival, and making quite a glittering +spectacle in the darkness of the deepening night. We could see active +figures at work on deck--the sails were dropped and quickly +furled,--but the quivering radiance remained running up every tapering +mast and spar, so that the whole vessel seemed drawn on the dusky air +with pencil points of fire. I stood up, gazing at the wonderful sight +in silent amazement and admiration, with the captain beside me, and it +was he who first spoke. + +"I can't make her out,"--he said, perplexedly,--"We never heard a sound +except just when she dropped anchor, and that was almost noiseless. How +she came round the point yonder so suddenly is a mystery! I was keeping +a sharp look-out, too." + +"Surely she's very large for a sailing vessel?" I queried. + +"The largest I've ever seen,"--he replied--"But how did she sail? +That's what I want to know!" + +He looked so puzzled that I laughed. + +"Well, I suppose in the usual way,"--I said--"With sails." + +"Ay, that's all very well!"--and he glanced at me with a compassionate +air as at one who knew nothing about seafaring--"But sails must have +wind, and there hasn't been a capful all the afternoon or evening. Yet +she came in with crowded canvas full out as if there was a regular +sou'wester, and found her anchorage as easy as you please. All in a +minute, too. If there was a wind it wasn't a wind belonging to this +world! Wouldn't Mr. Harland perhaps like to see her?" + +I took the hint and ran down into the saloon, which by this time was +full of the stifling odours of smoke and whisky. Mr. Harland was there, +drinking and talking somewhat excitedly with Dr. Brayle, while his +secretary listened and looked on. I explained why I had ventured to +interrupt their conversation, and they accompanied me up on deck. The +strange yacht looked more bewilderingly brilliant than ever, the +heavens having somewhat clouded over, and as we all, the captain +included, leaned over our own deck rail and gazed at her shining +outlines, we heard the sound of delicious music and singing floating +across the quiet sea. + +"Some millionaire's toy,"--said Mr. Harland--"She's floating from the +mysterious yacht." It was a music full of haunting sweetness and +rhythmic melody, and I was not sure whether it was evolved from +stringed instruments or singing voices. By climbing up on the sofa in +my sitting-room I could look out through the port-hole on the near sea, +rippling close to me, and bringing, as I fancied, with every ripple a +new cadence, a tenderer snatch of tune. A subtle scent was on the salt +air, as of roses mingling with the freshness of the scarcely moving +waters,--it came, I thought, from the beautiful blossoms which so +lavishly adorned my rooms. I could not see the yacht from my point of +observation, but I could hear the music she had on board, and that was +enough for immediate delight. + +Leaving the port-hole open, I lay down on the sofa immediately beneath +it and comprised myself to listen. The soft breath of the sea blew on +my cheeks, and with every breath the delicate vibrations of appealing +harmony rose and fell--it was as if these enchanting sounds were being +played or sung for me alone. In a delicious languor I drowsed, as it +were, with my eyes open,--losing myself in a labyrinth of happy dreams +and fancies which came to me unbidden,--till presently the music died +softly away like a retreating wave and ceased altogether. I waited a +few minutes--listening breathlessly lest it should begin again and I +lose some note of it,--then hearing no more, I softly closed the +port-hole and drew the curtain. I did this with an odd reluctance, +feeling somehow that I had shut out a friend; and I half apologised to +this vague sentiment by reminding myself of the lateness of the hour. +It was nearly midnight. I had intended writing to Francesca,--but I was +now disinclined for anything but rest. The music which had so entranced +me throbbed still in my ears and made my heart beat with a quick sense +of joy,-children--there may be several inoffensive reasons for his +lighting up, and he may think no more of advertisement than you or I." + +"That's true,"--assented Dr. Brayle, with a quick concession to his +patron's humour. "But people nowadays do so many queer things for mere +notoriety's sake that it is barely possible to avoid suspecting them. +They will even kill themselves in order to be talked about." + +"Fortunately they don't hear what's said of them,"--returned Mr. +Harland--"or they might alter their minds and remain alive. It's hardly +worth while to hang yourself in order to be called a fool!" + +While this talk went on I remained silent, watching the illuminated +schooner with absorbed fascination. Suddenly, while I still gazed upon +her, every spark with which she was, as it were, bejewelled, went out, +and only the ordinary lamps common to the watches of the night on board +a vessel at anchorage burned dimly here and there like red winking +eyes. For the rest, she was barely visible save by an indistinct +tracery of blurred black lines. The swiftness with which her brilliancy +had been eclipsed startled us all and drew from Captain Derrick the +remark that it was 'rather queer.' + +"What pantomimists call a 'quick change'"--said Mr. Harland, with a +laugh--"The show is over for to-night. Let us turn in. To-morrow +morning we'll try and make acquaintance with the stranger, and find out +for Captain Derrick's comfort how she managed to sail without wind!" + +We bade each other good-night then, and descended to our several +quarters. + +When I found myself alone in the luxurious state-room 'suite' allotted +to me, the first thing I did was to open one of the port-holes and +listen to the music which still came superbly built,--sailing vessels +are always more elegant than steam, though not half so useful. I expect +she'll lie becalmed here for a day or two." + +"It's a wonder she's got round here at all,"--said the captain--"There +wasn't any wind to bring her." + +Mr. Harland looked amused. + +"There must have been SOME wind, Derrick,"--he answered--"Only it +wasn't boisterous enough for a hardy salt like you to feel it." + +"There wasn't a breath,"--declared Derrick, firmly--"Not enough to blow +a baby's curl." + +"Then how did she get here?" asked Dr. Brayle. + +Captain Derrick's lifted eyebrows expressed his inability to solve the +enigma. + +"I said just now if there was a wind it wasn't a wind belonging to this +world--" + +Mr. Harland turned upon him quickly. + +"Well, there are no winds belonging to other worlds that will ever +disturb OUR atmosphere,"--he said--"Come, come, Derrick, you don't +think that yacht is a ghost, do you?--a sort of 'Flying Dutchman' +spectre?" + +Captain Derrick smiled broadly. + +"No, sir--I don't! There's flesh and blood aboard--I've seen the men +hauling down canvas, and I know that. But the way she sailed in bothers +me." + +"All that electric light is rather ostentatious,"--said Dr. Brayle--"I +suppose the owner wants to advertise his riches." + +"That doesn't follow," said Mr. Harland, with some sharpness--"I grant +you we live in an advertising age, but I don't fancy the owner of that +vessel is a Pill or a Plaster or even a Special Tea. He may want to +amuse himself--it may be the birthday of his wife or one of his and a +warm atmosphere of peace and comfort came over me when at last I lay +down in my luxurious bed, and slipped away into the land of sleep. Ah, +what a land it is, that magic Land of Sleep!--a land 'shadowing with +wings,' where amid many shifting and shimmering wonders of darkness and +light, the Palace of Vision stands uplifted, stately and beautiful, +with golden doors set open to the wanderer! I made my entrance there +that night;--often and often as I had been within its enchanted +precincts before, there were a million halls of marvel as yet +unvisited,--and among these I found myself,--under a dome which seemed +of purest crystal lit with fire,--listening to One invisible, +who,--speaking as from a great height, discoursed to me of Love." + + + + +III + +THE ANGEL OF A DREAM + + +The Voice that spoke to me was silvery clear, and fell as it were +through the air, dividing space with sweetness. It was soft and +resonant, and the thrill of tenderness within it was as though an angel +sang through tears. Never had I heard anything so divinely pure and +compassionate,--and all my being strove to lift itself towards that +supernal height which seemed to be the hidden source of its melodious +utterance. + +"O Soul, wandering in the region of sleep and dreams!" said the +Voice,--"What is all thy searching and labour worth without Love? Why +art thou lost in a Silence without Song?" + +I raised my eyes, seeking for the one who thus spoke to me, but could +see nothing. + +"In Life's great choral symphony"--the Voice continued--"the keynote of +the dominant melody is Love! Without the keynote there can be no +music,--there is dumbness where there should be sound,--there is +discord where there should be harmony. Love!--the one vibrant tone to +which the whole universe moves in tune,--Love, the breath of God, the +pulsation of His Being, the glory of His work, the fulfilment of His +Eternal Joy,--Love, and Love alone, is the web and texture and garment +of happy Immortality! O Soul that seekest the way to wisdom and to +power, what dost thou make of Love?" + +I trembled and stood mute. It seemed that I was surrounded by solemn +Presences whose nearness I could feel but not see, and unknowing who it +was that spoke to me, I was afraid to answer. + +"Far in the Past, thousands of ages ago," went on the Voice--"the world +we call the Sorrowful Star was a perfect note in a perfect scale. It +was in tune with the Divine Symphony. But with the sweep of centuries +it has lagged behind; it has fallen from Light into Shadow. And rather +than rise to Light again, it has made of itself a discord opposed to +the eternal Harmony. It has chosen for its keynote Hate,--not Love! +Each nation envies or despises the other,--each man struggles against +his fellow-man and grudges his neighbour every small advantage,--and +more than all, each Creed curses the other, blasphemously calling upon +God to verify and fulfil the curse! Hate, not Love!--this is the false +note struck by the pitiful Earth-world to-day, swinging out of all +concordance with spherical sweetness!--Hate that prefers falsehood to +truth, malice to kindness, selfishness to generosity! O Sorrowful +Star!--doomed so soon to perish!--turn, turn, even in thy last moments, +back to the Divine Ascendant before it is too late!" + +I listened,--and a sense of hopeless fear possessed me. I tried to +speak, and a faint whisper crept from my lips. "Why,"--I murmured to +myself, for I did not suppose anyone could or would hear me--"why +should we and our world perish? We knew so little at the beginning, and +we know so little now,--is it altogether our fault if we have lost our +way?" + +A silence followed. A vague, impalpable sense of restraint and +captivity seemed closing me in on every side,--I was imprisoned, as I +thought, within invisible walls. Then all at once this density of +atmosphere was struck asunder by a dazzling light as of cloven wings, +but I could see no actual shape or even suggestion of substance--the +glowing rays were all. And the Voice spoke again with grave sweetness +and something of reproach. + +"Who speaks of losing the way?" it asked--"when the way is, and has +ever been, clear and plain? Nature teaches it,--Law and Order support +it. Obey and ye shall live: disobey and ye shall die! There is no other +ruling than this out of Chaos! Who is it that speaks of losing the way, +when the way is, and has been and ever shall be, clear and plain?" + +I stretched out my hands involuntarily. My eyes filled with tears. + +"O Angel invisible!" I prayed--"Forgive my weakness and unwisdom! How +can the world be saved or comforted by a Love it never finds!" + +Again a silence. Again that dazzling, quivering radiance, flashing as +in an atmosphere of powdered gold. + +"What does the world seek most ardently?" it demanded--"The Love of +God?--or the Love of Self? If it seeks the first, all things in heaven +and earth shall be added to its desire--if the second, all shall be +taken from it, even that which it hath!" + +I had, as I thought, no answer to give, but I covered my weeping eyes +with both hands and knelt before the unseen speaker as to some great +Spirit enthroned. + +"Love is not Love that loves Itself,"--went on the Voice--"Self is the +Image, not the God. Wouldst thou have Eternal Life? Then find the +secret in Eternal Love!--'Love, which can move worlds and create +universes,--the love of soul for soul, angel for angel, god for god!" + +I raised my head, and, uncovering my eyes, looked up. But I could see +nothing save that all-penetrating light which imprisoned me as it were +in a circle of fire. + +"Love is that Power which clasps the things of eternity and makes them +all its own,"--said the Voice in stronger tones of deeper music--"It +builds its solar system, its stars, its planets with a thought!--it +wakes all beauty, all delight with a smile!--it lives not only now, but +for ever, in a heaven of pure joy where every thousand years is but one +summer day! To Love there is no time, no space, no age, no death!--what +it gives it receives again,--what it longs for comes to it without +seeking--God withholds nothing from the faithful soul!" + +I still knelt, wondering if these words were intended only for me or +for some other listener, for I could not now feel sure that I was +without a companion in this strange experience. + +"There is only one Way of Life,"--went on the Voice--"Only one way--the +Way of Love! Whosoever loves greatly lives greatly; whosoever misprizes +Love is dead though living. Give all thy heart and soul to Love if thou +wouldst be immortal!--for without Love thou mayst seek God through all +Eternity and never find Him!" + +I waited,--there was a brief silence. Then a sudden wave of music broke +upon my ears,--a breaking foam of rhythmic melody that rose and fell in +a measured cadence of solemn sound. Raising my eyes in fear and awe, I +saw the lambent light around me begin to separate into countless +gradations of delicate colour till presently it resembled a close and +brilliant network of rainbow tints intermingled with purest gold. It +was as if millions of lines had been drawn with exquisite fineness and +precision so as to cause intersection or 'reciprocal meeting' at given +points of calculation, and these changed into various dazzling forms +too brilliant for even my dreaming sight to follow. Yet I felt myself +compelled to study one particular section of these lines which shone +before me in a kind of pale brightness, and while I looked it varied to +more and more complex 'moods' of colour and light, if one might so +express it, till, by gradual degrees, it returned again to the simpler +combination. + +"Thus are the destinies of human lives woven and interwoven,"--said the +Voice--"From infinite and endless points of light they grow and part +and mingle together, till the destined two are one. Often they are +entangled and disturbed by influences not their own--but from +interference which through weakness or fear they have themselves +permitted. But the tangle is for ever unravelled by Time,--the parted +threads are brought together again in the eternal weaving of Spirit and +Matter. No power, human or divine, can entirely separate the lives +which God has ordained shall come together. Man's ordainment is not +God's ordainment! Wrong threads in the weaving are broken--no matter +how,--no matter when! Love must be tender yet resolved!--Love must not +swerve from its given pledge!--Love must be All or Nothing!" + +The light network of living golden rays still quivered before my eyes, +till all at once they seemed to change to a rippling sea of fine flame +with waves that gently swayed to and fro, tipped with foam-crests of +prismatic hue like broken rainbows. Wave after wave swept forward and +broke in bright amethystine spray close to me where I knelt, and as I +watched this moving mass of radiant colour in absorbed fascination, one +wave, brilliant as the flush of a summer's dawn, rippled towards me, +and then gently retiring, left a single rose, crimson and fragrant, +close within my reach. I stooped and caught it quickly--surely it was a +real rose from some dewy garden of the earth, and no dream! + +"One rose from all the roses in Heaven!" said the mystic Voice, in +tones of enthralling sweetness--"One--fadeless and immortal!--only one, +but sufficient for all! One love from all the million loves of men and +women--one, but enough for Eternity! How long the rose has awaited its +flowering,--how long the love has awaited its fulfilment--only the +recording angels know! Such roses bloom but once in the wilderness of +space and time; such love comes but once in a Universe of worlds!" + +I listened, trembling; I held the rose against my breast between my +clasped hands. + +"O Sorrowful Star!" went on the Voice--"What shall become of thee if +thou forsakest the way of Love! O little Sphere of beauty and delight, +why are thy people so blind! O that their eyes were lifted unto +Heaven!--their hearts to joy!--their souls to love! Who is it that +darkens life with sorrow?--who is it that creates the delusion of +death?" + +I found my speech suddenly. + +"Nay, surely,"--I said, half whispering--"We must all die!" + +"Not so!" and the mystic Voice rang out imperatively--"There is no +death! For God is alive!--and from Him Life only can emanate!" + +I held my peace, moved by a sudden sweet awe. + +"From Eternal Life no death can come,"--continued the Voice--"from +Eternal Love flows Eternal Joy. Change there is,--change there must be +to higher forms and higher planes,--but Life and Love remain as they +are, indestructible--'the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever!'" + +I bent my face over the rose against my breast,--its perfume was +deliciously soft and penetrating, and half unconsciously I kissed its +velvet petals. As I did this a swift and dazzling radiance poured +shower-like through the air, and again I heard mysterious chords of +rhythmic melody rising and falling like distant waves of the sea. The +grave, tender Voice spoke once again: + +"Rise and go hence!" it said, in tones of thrilling gentleness--"Keep +the gift God sends thee!--take that which is thine! Meet that which +hath sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside again, +neither by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old errors +prevail! Pass from vision into waking!--from night to day!--from +seeming death to life!--from loneliness to love!--and keep within thy +heart the message of a Dream!" + +The light beating about me like curved wings slowly paled and as slowly +vanished--yet I felt that I must still kneel and wait. This atmosphere +of awe and trembling gradually passed away,--and then, rising as I +thought, and holding the mystic rose with one hand still against my +breast, I turned to feel my way through the darkness which now +encompassed me. As I did this my other hand was caught by someone in a +warm, eager clasp, and I was guided along with an infinitely tender yet +masterful touch which I had no hesitation in obeying. Step by step I +moved with a strange sense of happy reliance on my unseen +companion--darkness or distance had no terrors for me. And as I Went +onward with my hand held firmly in that close yet gentle grasp, my +thoughts became as it were suddenly cleared into a heaven of +comprehension--I looked back upon years of work spread out like an arid +desert uncheered by any spring of sweet water--and I saw all that my +life had lacked--all to which I had unconsciously pressed forward +longingly without any distinct recognition of my own aims, and only +trusting to the infinite powers of God and Nature to amend my +incompleteness by the perfection of the everlasting Whole. And now--had +the answer come? At any rate, I felt I was no longer alone. Someone who +seemed the natural other half of myself was beside me in the shadows of +sleep--I could have spoken, but would not, for fear of breaking the +charm. + +And so I went on and on, caring little how long the journey might be, +and even vaguely wishing it might continue for ever,--when presently a +faint light began to peer through the gloom--I saw a glimmer of blue +and grey, then white, then rose-colour--and I awoke--to find nothing of +a visionary character about me unless perhaps a shaft of early morning +sunshine streaming through the port-hole of my cabin could be called a +reflex of the mystic glory which had surrounded me in sleep. I then +remembered where I was,--yet I was so convinced of the reality of what +I had seen and heard that I looked about me everywhere for that lovely +crimson rose I had brought away with me from Dreamland--for I could +actually feel its stem still between my fingers. It was not to be +seen--but there was delicate fragrance on the air as if it were +blooming near me--a fragrance so fine that nothing could describe its +subtly pervading odour. Every word spoken by the Voice of my dream was +vividly impressed on my brain, and more vivid still was the +recollection of the hand that had clasped mine and led me out of sleep +to waking. I was conscious of its warmth yet,--and I was troubled, even +while I was soothed, by the memory of the lingering caress with which +it had been at last withdrawn. And I wondered as I lay for a few +moments in my bed inert, and thinking of all that had chanced to me in +the night, whether the long earnest patience of my soul, ever turned as +it had been for years towards the attainment of a love higher than all +earthly attraction, was now about to be recompensed? I knew, and had +always known, that whatsoever we strongly WILL to possess comes to us +in due season; and that steadily resolved prayers are always granted; +the only drawback to the exertion of this power is the doubt as to +whether the thing we desire so ardently will work us good or ill. For +there is no question but that what we seek we shall find. I had sought +long and unwearyingly for the clue to the secret of life imperishable +and love eternal,--was the mystery about to be unveiled? I could not +tell--and I dare not humour the mere thought too long. Shaking my mind +free from the web of marvel and perplexity in which it had been caught +by the visions of the night, I placed myself in a passively receptive +attitude--demanding nothing, fearing nothing, hoping nothing--but +simply content with actual Life, feeling Life to be the outcome and +expression of perfect Love. + + + + +IV + +A BUNCH OF HEATHER + + +It was a glorious morning, and so warm that I went up on deck without +any hat or cloak, glad to have the sunlight playing on my hair and the +soft breeze blowing on my face. The scene was perfectly enchanting; the +mountains were bathed in a delicate rose-purple glow reflected from the +past pomp of the sun's rising,--the water was still as an inland lake, +and every mast and spar of the 'Diana' was reflected in it as in a +mirror. A flock of sea-gulls floated round our vessel, like fairy +boats--some of them rising every now and then with eager cries to wing +their graceful flight high through the calm air, and alight again with +a flash of silver pinions on the translucent blue. While I stood gazing +in absorbed delight at the beauty which everywhere surrounded me, +Captain Derrick called to me from his little bridge, where he stood +with folded arms, looking down. + +"Good morning! What do you think of the mystery now?" + +"Mystery?" And then his meaning flashed upon me. "Oh, the yacht that +anchored near us last night! Where is she?" + +"Just so!" And the captain's look expressed volumes--"Where is she?" + +Oddly enough, I had not thought of the stranger vessel till this +moment, though the music sounding from her deck had been the last thing +which had haunted my ears before I had slept--and dreamed! And now--she +was gone! There was not a sign of her anywhere. + +I looked up at the captain on his bridge and smiled. "She must have +started very early!" I said. + +The captain's fuzzy brows met portentously. + +"Ay! Very early! So early that the watch never saw her go. He must have +missed an hour and she must have gained one." + +"It's rather strange, isn't it?" I said--"May I come on the bridge?" + +"Certainly." + +I ran up the little steps and stood beside him, looking out to the +farthest line of sea and sky. + +"What do you think about it?" I asked, laughingly, "Was she a real +yacht or a ghost?" + +The captain did not smile. His brow was furrowed with perplexed +consideration. + +"She wasn't a ghost," he said--"but her ways were ghostly. That is, she +made no noise,--and she sailed without wind. Mr. Harland may say what +he likes,--I stick to that. She had no steam, but she carried full +sail, and she came into the Sound with all her canvas bellying out as +though she were driven by a stormy sou'wester. There's been no wind all +night--yet she's gone, as you see--and not a man on board heard the +weighing of her anchor. When she went and how she went beats me +altogether!" + +At that moment we caught sight of a small rowing boat coming out to us +from the shore, pulled by one man, who bent to his oars in a slow, +listless way as though disinclined for the labour. + +"Boat ahoy!" shouted the captain. + +The man looked up and signalled in answer. A couple of our sailors went +to throw him a rope as he brought his craft alongside. He had come, so +he slowly explained in his soft, slow, almost unintelligible Highland +dialect, with fresh eggs and butter, hoping to effect a sale. The +steward was summoned, and bargaining began. I listened and looked on, +amused and interested, and I presently suggested to the captain that it +might be as well to ask this man if he too had seen the yacht whose +movements appeared so baffling and inexplicable. The captain at once +took the hint. + +"Say, Donald," he began, invitingly--"did you see the big yacht that +came in last night about ten o'clock?" + +"Ou ay!" was the slow answer--"But my name's no Tonald,--it's just +Jamie." + +Captain Derrick laughed jovially. + +"Beg pardon! Jamie, then! Did you see the yacht?" + +"Ou ay! I've seen her mony a day. She's a real shentleman." + +I smiled. + +"The yacht?" + +Jamie looked up at me. + +"Ah, my leddy, ye'll pe makin' a fule o' Jamie wi' a glance like a +sun-sparkle on the sea! Jamie's no fule wi' the right sort, an' the +yacht is a shentleman, an' the shentleman's the yacht, for it's the +shentleman that pays whateffer." + +Captain Derrick became keenly interested. + +"The gentleman? The owner of the yacht, you mean?" + +Jamie nodded--"Just that!"--and proceeded to count out his store of +new-laid eggs with great care as he placed them in the steward's basket. + +"What's his name?" + +"Ah, that's ower mickle learnin',"--said Jamie, with a cunning look--"I +canna say it rightly." + +"Can you say it wrongly?" I suggested. + +"I wadna!" he replied, and he lifted his eyes, which were dark and +piercing, to my face--"I daurna!" + +"Is he such a very terrible gentleman, then?" enquired Captain Derrick, +jocosely. + +Jamie's countenance was impenetrable. + +"Ye'll pe seein' her for yourself whateffer,"--he said--"Ye'll no miss +her in the waters 'twixt here an' Skye." + +He stooped and fumbled in his basket, presently bringing out of it a +small bunch of pink bell-heather,--the delicate waxen type of blossom +which is found only in mossy, marshy places. + +"The shentleman wanted as much as I could find o' this,"--he said--"An' +he had it a' but this wee bittie. Will my leddy wear it for luck?" + +I took it from his hand. + +"As a gift?" I asked, smiling. + +"I wadna tak ony money for't,"--he answered, with a curious expression +of something like fear passing over his brown, weather-beaten +features--"'Tis fairies' making." + +I put the little bunch in my dress. As I did so, he doffed his cap. + +"Good day t'ye! I'll be no seein' ye this way again!" + +"Why not? How do you know?" + +"One way in and another way out!" he said, his voice sinking to a sort +of meditative croon--"One road to the West, and the other to the +East!--and round about to the meeting-place! Ou ay! Ye'll mak it clear +sailin'!" + +"Without wind, eh?" interposed Captain Derrick--"Like your friend the +'shentleman'? How does he manage that business?" + +Jamie looked round with a frightened air, like an animal scenting +danger,--then, shouldering his empty basket, he gave us a hasty nod of +farewell, and, scrambling down the companion ladder without another +word, was soon in his boat again, rowing away steadily and never once +looking back. + +"A wild chap!" said the captain--"Many of these fellows get half daft, +living so much alone in desolate places like Mull, and seeing nothing +all their time but cloud and mountain and sea. He seems to know +something about that yacht, though!" + +"That yacht is on your brain, Captain!" I said, merrily--"I feel quite +sorry for you! And yet I daresay if we meet her again the mystery will +turn out to be very simple." + +"It will have to be either very simple or very complex!" he answered, +with a laugh--"I shall need a good deal of teaching to show me how a +sailing yacht can make steam speed without wind. Ah, good morning, sir!" + +And we both turned to greet Mr. Harland, who had just come up on deck. +He looked ill and careworn, as though he had slept badly, and he showed +but faint interest in the tale of the strange yacht's sudden exit. + +"It amuses you, doesn't it?"--he said, addressing me with a little +cynical smile wrinkling up his forehead and eyes--"Anything that cannot +be at once explained is always interesting and delightful to a woman! +That is why spiritualistic 'mediums' make money. They do clever tricks +which cannot be explained, hence their success with the credulous." + +"Quite so"--I replied--"but just allow me to say that I am no believer +in 'mediums.'" + +"True,--I forgot!" He rubbed his hand wearily over his brows--then +asked--"Did you sleep well?" + +"Splendidly! And I must really thank you for my lovely rooms,--they are +almost too luxurious! They are fit for a princess." + +"Why a princess?" he queried, ironically--"Princesses are not always +agreeable personages. I know one or two,--fat, ugly and stupid. Some of +them are dirty in their persons and in their habits. There are certain +'princesses' in Europe who ought to be washed and disinfected before +being given any rooms anywhere!" + +I laughed. + +"Oh, you are very bitter!" I said. + +"Not at all. I like accuracy. 'Princess' to the ingenuous mind suggests +a fairy tale. I have not an ingenuous mind. I know that the princesses +of the fairy tales do not exist,--unless you are one." + +"Me!" I exclaimed, in amazement--"I'm very far from that--" + +"Well, you are a dreamer!" he said, and resting his arms on the deck +rail he looked away from me down into the sunlit sea--"You do not live +here in this world with us--you think you do,--and yet in your own mind +you know you do not. You dream--and your life is that of vision simply. +I'm not sure that I should like to see you wake. For as long as you can +dream you will believe in the fairy tale;--the 'princess' of Hans +Andersen and the Brothers Grimm holds good--and that is why you should +have pretty things about you,--music, roses and the like trifles,--to +keep up the delicate delusion." + +I was surprised and just a little vexed at his way of talking. Why, +even with the underlying flattery of his words, should he call me a +dreamer? I had worked for my own living as practically as himself in +the world, and if not with such financially successful results, only +because my aims had never been mere money-spinning. He had attained +enormous wealth,--I a modest competence,--he was old and I was +young,--he was ill and miserable,--I was well and happy,--which of us +was the 'dreamer'? My thoughts were busy with this question, and he saw +it. + +"Don't perplex yourself,"--he said,--"and don't be offended with me for +my frankness. My view of life is not yours,--nor are we ever likely to +see things from the same standpoint. Yours is the more enviable +condition. You are looking well,--you feel well--you are well! Health +is the best of all things." He paused, and lifting his eyes from the +contemplation of the water, regarded me fixedly. "That's a lovely bit +of bell-heather you're wearing! It glows like fiery topaz." + +I explained how it had been given to me. + +"Why, then, you've already established a connection with the strange +yacht!" he said, laughing--"The owner, according to your Highland +fellow, has the same blossoms on board,--probably gathered from the +same morass!--surely this is quite romantic and exciting!" + +And at breakfast, when Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton appeared, they all +made conversation on the subject of my bunch of heather, till I got +rather tired of it, and was half inclined to take it off and throw it +away. Yet somehow I could not do this. Glancing at my own reflection in +a mirror, I saw what a brilliant yet dainty touch of colour it gave to +the plain white serge of my yachting dress,--it was a pretty contrast, +and I left it alone. + +Miss Catherine did not get up to breakfast, but she sent for me +afterwards and asked if I would mind sitting with her for a while. I +did mind in a way,--for the day was fair and fine,--the 'Diana' was +preparing to pursue her course,--and it was far pleasanter to be on +deck in the fresh air than in Miss Catherine's state-room, which, +though quite spacious for a yacht's accommodation, looked rather +dreary, having no carpet on the floor, no curtains to the bed, and no +little graces of adornment anywhere,--nothing but a few shelves against +the wall on which were ranged some blue and black medicine bottles, +relieved by a small array of pill-boxes. But I felt sorry for the poor +woman who had elected to make her life a martyrdom to nerves, and real +or imaginary aches and pains, so I went to her, determined to do what I +could to cheer and rouse her from her condition of chronic depression. +Directly I entered her cabin she said: + +"Where did you get that bright bit of heather?" + +I told her the whole story, to which she listened with more patience +than she usually showed for any talk in which she had not first share. + +"It's really quite interesting!" she said, with a reluctant smile--"I +suppose it was the strange yacht that had the music on board last +night. It kept me awake. I thought it was some tiresome person out in a +boat with a gramophone." + +I laughed. + +"Oh, Miss Harland!" I exclaimed--"Surely you could not have thought it +a gramophone! Such music! It was perfectly exquisite!" + +"Was it?" And she drew the ugly grey woollen shawl in which she was +wrapped closer about her sallow throat as she sat up in her bed and +looked at me--"Well, it may have been, to you,--you seem to find +delight in everything,--I'm sure I don't know why! Of course it's very +nice to have such a happy disposition--but really that music teased me +dreadfully. Such a bore having music when you want to go to sleep." + +I was silent, and having a piece of embroidery to occupy my hands I +began to work at it. + +"I hope you're quite comfortable on board,"--she resumed, +presently--"Have you all you want in your rooms?" + +I assured her that everything was perfect. + +She sighed. + +"I wish I could say the same!" she said--"I really hate yachting, but +father likes it, so I must sacrifice myself." Here she sighed again. I +saw she was really convinced that she was immolating herself on the +altar of filial obedience. "You know he is very ill,"--she went +on--"and that he cannot live long?" + +"He told me something about it,"--I answered--"and I said then, as I +say now, that the doctors may be wrong." + +"Oh no, they cannot be wrong in his case," she declared, shaking her +head dismally--"They know the symptoms, and they can only avert the end +for a time. I'm very thankful Dr. Brayle was able to come with us on +this trip." + +"I suppose he is paid a good deal for his services?" I said. + +"Eight hundred guineas"--she answered--"But, you see, he has to leave +his patients in London, and find another man to attend to them during +his absence. He is so very clever and so much sought after--I don't +know what I should do without him, I'm sure!" + +"Has he any special treatment for you?" I asked. + +"Oh yes,--he gives me electricity. He has a wonderful battery--he has +got it fitted up here in the next cabin--and while I hold two handles +he turns it on and it runs all over me. I feel always better for the +moment--but the effect soon passes." + +I looked at her with a smile. + +"I should think so! Dear Miss Harland, do you really believe in that +way of administering electricity?" + +"Of course I do!" she answered--"You see, it's all a question of what +they call bacteriology nowadays. Medicine is no use unless it can kill +the microbes that are eating us up inside and out. And there's scarcely +any drug that can do that. Electricity is the only remedy. It gives the +little brutes a shock;"--and the poor lady laughed weakly--"and it +kills some, but not all. It's a dreadful scheme of creation, don't you +think, to make human beings no better than happy hunting grounds for +invisible creatures to feed upon?" + +"It depends on what view you take of it,"--I said, laying down my work +and trying to fix her attention, a matter which was always +difficult--"We human beings are composed of good and evil particles. If +the good are encouraged, they drive out the evil,--if the evil, they +drive out the good. It's the same with the body as the soul,--if we +encourage the health-working 'microbes' as you call them, they will +drive out disease from the human organism altogether." + +She sank back on her pillow wearily. + +"We can't do it,"--she said--"All the chances are against us. What's +the use of our trying to encourage 'health-working microbes'? The +disease-working ones have got the upper hand. Just think!--our parents, +grandparents and great-grandparents are to blame for half our evils. +Their diseases become ours in various new forms. It's cruel,--horrible! +How anyone can believe that a God of Love created such a frightful +scheme passes my comprehension! The whole thing is a mere business of +eating to be eaten!" + +She looked so wan and wild that I pitied her greatly. + +"Surely that is not what you think at the bottom of your heart?" I +said, gently--"I should be very sorry for you if I thought you really +meant what you say." + +"Well, you may be as sorry for me as you like"--and the poor lady +blinked away tears from her eyes--"I need someone to be sorry for me! I +tell you my life is a perfect torture. Every day I wonder how long I +can bear it! I have such dreadful thoughts! I picture the horrible +things that are happening to different people all over the world, +nobody helping them or caring for them, and I almost feel as if I must +scream for mercy. It wouldn't be any use screaming,--but the scream is +in my soul all the same. People in prisons, people in shipwrecks, +people dying by inches in hospitals, no good in their lives and no +hope--and not a sign of comfort from the God whom the Churches praise! +It's awful! I don't see how anybody can do anything or be ambitious for +anything--it's all mere waste of energy. One of the reasons that made +me so anxious to have you come on this trip with us is that you always +seem contented and happy,--and I want to know why? It's a question of +temperament, I suppose--but do tell me why!" + +She stretched out her hand and touched mine appealingly. I took her +worn and wasted fingers in my own and pressed them sympathetically. + +"My dear Miss Harland,"--I began. + +"Oh, call me Catherine"--she interrupted--"I'm so tired of being Miss +Harland!" + +"Well, Catherine, then,"--I said, smiling a little--"Surely you know +why I am contented and happy?" + +"No, I do not,"--she said, with quick, almost querulous? eagerness--"I +don't understand it at all. You have none of the things that please +women. You don't seem to care about dress though you are always +well-gowned--you don't go to balls or theatres or race-meetings,--you +are a general favourite, yet you avoid society,--you've never troubled +yourself to take your chances of marriage,--and so far as I know or +have heard tell about you, you haven't even a lover!" + +My cheeks grew suddenly warm. A curious resentment awoke in me at her +words--had I indeed no lover? Surely I had!--one that I knew well and +had known for a long time,--one for whom I had guarded my life sacredly +as belonging to another as well as to myself,--a lover who loved me +beyond all power of human expression,--here the rush of strange and +inexplicable emotion in me was hurled back on my mind with a shock of +mingled terror and surprise from a dead wall of stony fact,--it was +true, of course, and Catherine Harland was right--I had no lover. No +man had ever loved me well enough to be called by such a name. The +flush cooled off my face,--the hurry of my thoughts slackened,--I took +up my embroidery and began to work at it again. + +"That is so, isn't it?" persisted Miss Harland--"Though you blush and +grow pale as if there was someone in the background." + +I met her inquisitive glance and smiled. + +"There is no one,"--I said--"There never has been anyone." I paused; I +could almost feel the warmth of the strong hand that had held mine in +my dream of the past night. It was mere fancy, and I went on--"I should +not care for what modern men and women call love. It seems very +unsatisfactory." + +She sighed. + +"It is frequently very selfish,"--she said--"I want to tell you my +love-story--may I?" + +"Why, of course!" I answered, a little wonderingly, for I had not +thought she had a love-story to tell. + +"It's very brief,"--she said, and her lip quivered--"There was a man +who used to visit our house very often when I first came out,--he made +me believe he was very fond of me. I was more than fond of him--I +almost worshipped him. He was all the world to me, and though father +did not like him very much he wished me to be happy, so we were +engaged. That was the time of my life--the only time I ever knew what +happiness was. One evening, just about three months before we were to +be married, we were together at a party in the house of one of our +mutual friends, and I heard him talking rather loudly in a room where +he and two or three other men had gone to smoke. He said something that +made me stand still and wonder whether I was mad or dreaming. 'Pity me +when I'm married to Catherine Harland!' Pity him? I listened,--I knew +it was wrong to listen, but I could not help myself. 'Well, you'll get +enough cash with her to set you all right in the world, anyhow,'--said +another man, 'You can put up with a plain wife for the sake of a pretty +fortune.' Then he,--my love!--spoke again--'Oh, I shall make the best +of it,' he said--'I must have money somehow, and this is the easiest +way. There's one good thing about modern life,--husbands and wives +don't hunt in couples as they used to do, so when once the knot is tied +I shall shift my matrimonial burden off my shoulders as much as I can. +She'll amuse herself with her clothes and the household,--and she's +fond of me, so I shall always have my own way. But it's an awful +martyrdom to have to marry one woman on account of empty pockets when +you're in love with another.' I heard,--and then--I don't know what +happened." + +Her eyes stared at me so pitifully that I was full of sorrow for her. + +"Oh, you poor Catherine!" I said, and taking her hand, I kissed it +gently. The tears in her eyes brimmed over. + +"They found me lying on the floor insensible,"--she went on, +tremulously--"And I was very ill for a long time afterwards. People +could not understand it when I broke off my engagement. I told nobody +why--except HIM. He seemed sorry and a little ashamed,--but I think he +was more vexed at losing my fortune than anything else. I said to him +that I had never thought about being plain,--that the idea of his +loving me had made me feel beautiful. That was true!--my dear, I almost +believe I should have grown into beauty if I had been sure of his love." + +I understood that; she was perfectly right in what to the entirely +commonplace person would seem a fanciful theory. Love makes all things +fair, and anyone who is conscious of being tenderly loved grows lovely, +as a rose that is conscious of the sun grows into form and colour. + +"Well, it was all over then,"--she ended, with a sigh, "I never was +quite myself again--I think my nerves got a sort of shock such as the +great novelist, Charles Dickens had when he was in the railway +accident--you remember the tale in Forster's 'Life'? How the carriage +hung over the edge of an embankment but did not actually fall,--and +Dickens was clinging on to it all the time. He never got over it, and +it was the remote cause of his death five years later. Now I have felt +just like that,--my life has hung over a sort of chasm ever since I +lost my love, and I only cling on." + +"But surely,"--I ventured to say--"surely there are other things to +live for than just the memory of one man's love which was not love at +all! You seem to think there was some cruelty or unhappiness in the +chance that separated you from him,--but really it was a special mercy +and favour of God--only you have taken it in the wrong way." + +"I have taken it in the only possible way,"--she said--"With +resignation." + +"Oh, do you call it resignation?" I exclaimed--"To make a misery of +what should have been a gladness? Think of the years and years of +wretchedness you might have passed with a man who was a merely selfish +fortune-hunter! You would have had to see him grow colder and more +callous every day--your heart would have been torn, your spirit +broken--and God spared you all this by giving you your chance of +freedom! Such a chance! You might have made much of it, if you had only +chosen!" + +She looked at me, but did not speak. + +"Love comes to us in a million beautiful ways,"--I went on, heedless of +how she might take my words--"The ordinary love,--or, I would say, the +ordinary mating and marriage is only ONE way. You cannot live in the +world without being loved--if you love!" + +She moved on her pillows restlessly. + +"I can't see what you mean,"--she said--"How can I love? I have nothing +to love!" + +"But do you not see that you are shutting yourself out from love?" I +said--"You will not have it! You bar its approach. You encourage your +sad and morbid fancies, and think of illness when you might just as +well think of health. Oh, I know you will say I am 'up in the air' as +your father expresses it,--but it's true all the same that if you love +everything in Nature--yes, everything!--sunshine, air, cloud, rain, +trees, birds, blossom,--they will love you in return and give you some +of their life and strength and beauty." + +She smiled,--a very bitter little smile. + +"You talk like a poet,"--she said--"And of all things in the world I +hate poetry! There!--don't think me cross! Go along and be happy in +your own strange fanciful way! I cannot be other than I am,--Dr. Brayle +will tell you that I'm not strong enough to share in other people's +lives and aims and pleasures,--I must always consider myself." + +"Dr. Brayle tells you that?" I queried--"To consider yourself?" + +"Of course he does. If I had not considered myself every hour and every +day, I should have been dead long ago. I have to consider everything I +eat and drink lest it should make me ill." + +I rose from my seat beside her. + +"I wish I could cure you!" I murmured. + +"My dear girl, if you could, you would, I am sure,"--she answered--"You +are very kind-hearted. It has done me good to talk to you and tell you +all my sad little history. I shall get up presently and have my +electricity and feel quite bright for a time. But as for a cure, you +might as well try to cure my father." + +"None are cured of any ailment unless they resolve to help along the +cure themselves," I said. + +She gave a weary little laugh. + +"Ah, that's one of your pet theories, but it's no use to me! I'm past +all helping of myself, so you may give me up as a bad job!" + +"But you asked me," I went on--"did you not, to tell you why it is that +I am contented and happy? Do you really want to know?" + +A vague distrust crept into her faded eyes. + +"Not if it's a theory!" she said--"I should not have the brain or the +patience to think it out." + +I laughed. + +"It's not a theory, it's a truth"--I answered--"But truth is sometimes +more difficult than theory." + +She looked at me half in wonder, half in appeal. + +"Well, what is it?" + +"Just this"--and I knelt beside her for a moment holding her hand--"I +KNOW that there are no external surroundings which we do not make for +ourselves, and that our troubles are born of our own wrong thinking, +and are not sent from God. I train my Soul to be calm,--and my body +obeys my Soul. That's all!" + +Her fingers closed on mine nervously. + +"But what's the use of telling me this?" she half whispered--"I don't +believe in God or the Soul!" + +I rose from my kneeling attitude. + +"Poor Catherine!" I said--"Then indeed it is no use telling you +anything! You are in darkness instead of daylight, and no one can make +you see. Oh, what can I do to help you?" + +"Nothing,"--she answered--"My faith--it was never very much,--was taken +from me altogether when I was quite young. Father made it seem absurd. +He's a clever man, you know--and in a few words he makes out religion +to be utter nonsense." + +"I understand!" + +And indeed I did entirely understand. Her father was one of a rapidly +increasing class of men who are a danger to the community,--a cold, +cynical shatterer of every noble ideal,--a sneerer at patriotism and +honour,--a deliberate iconoclast of the most callous and remorseless +type. That he had good points in his character was not to be denied,--a +murderer may have these. But to be in his company for very long was to +feel that there is no good in anything--that life is a mistake of +Nature, and death a fortunate ending of the blunder--that God is a +delusion and the 'Soul' a mere expression signifying certain +intelligent movements of the brain only. + +I stood silently thinking these things, while she watched me rather +wistfully. Presently she said: + +"Are you going on deck now?" + +"Yes." + +"I'll join you all at luncheon. Don't lose that bit of heather in your +dress,--it's really quite brilliant--like a jewel." + +I hesitated a moment. + +"You're not vexed with me for speaking as I have done?" I asked her. + +"Vexed? No, indeed! I love to hear you and see you defending your own +fairy ground! For it IS like a fairy tale, you know--all that YOU +believe!" + +"It has practical results, anyway!"--I answered--"You must admit that." + +"Yes--I know,--and it's just what I can't understand. We'll have +another talk about it some day. Would you tell Dr. Brayle that I shall +be ready for him in ten minutes?" + +I assented, and left her. I made for the deck directly, the air meeting +me with a rush of salty softness as I ran up the saloon stairway. What +a glorious day it was! Sky, sea and mountains were bathed in brilliant +sunshine; the 'Diana' was cutting her path swiftly through waters which +marked her course on either side by a streak of white foam. I mentally +contrasted the loveliness of the scene around me with the stuffy cabin +I had just left, and seeing Dr. Brayle smoking comfortably in a long +reclining chair and reading a paper I went up to him and touched him on +the shoulder. + +"Your patient wants you in ten minutes,"--I said. + +He rose to his feet at once, courteously offering me a chair, which I +declined, and drew his cigar from his mouth. + +"I have two patients on board,"--he answered, smiling--"Which one?" + +"The one who is your patient from choice, not necessity,"--I replied, +coolly. + +"My dear lady!" His eyes blinked at me with a furtive astonishment--"If +you were not so charming I should say you were--well!--SHALL I say +it?--a trifle opinionated!" + +I laughed. + +"Granted!" I said--"If it is opinionated to be honest I plead guilty! +Miss Harland is as well as you or I,--she's only morbid." + +"True!--but morbidness is a form of illness,--a malady of the nerves--" + +I laughed again, much to his visible annoyance. + +"Curable by outward applications of electricity?" I queried--"When the +mischief is in the mind? But there!--I mustn't interfere, I suppose! +Nevertheless you keep Miss Harland ill when she might be quite well." + +A disagreeable line furrowed the corners of his mouth. + +"You think so? Among your many accomplishments do you count the art of +medicine?" + +I met his shifty brown eyes, and he dropped them quickly. + +"I know nothing about it,"--I answered--"Except this--that the cure of +any mind trouble must come from within--not from without. And I'm not a +Christian Scientist either?" + +He smiled cynically. "Really not? I should have thought you were!" + +"You would make a grave error if you thought so," I responded, curtly. + +A keen and watchful interest flashed over his dark face. + +"I should very much like to know what your theories are"--he said, +suddenly--"You interest me greatly." + +"I'm sure I do!" I answered, smiling. + +He looked me up and down for a moment in perplexity--then shrugged his +shoulders. + +"You are a strange creature!" he said--"I cannot make you out. If I +were asked to give a 'professional' opinion of you I should say you +were very neurotic and highly-strung, and given over to self-delusions." + +"Thanks!"--and I made him a demure little curtsy. "I look it, don't I?" + +"No--you don't look it; but looks are deceptive." + +"There I agree with you,"--I said--"But one has to go by them +sometimes. If I am 'neurotic,' my looks do not pity me, and my +condition of health leaves nothing to desire." + +His brows met in a slight frown. He glanced at his watch. + +"I must go,"--he said--"Miss Harland will be waiting." + +"And the electricity will get cold!" I added, gaily. "See if you can +feel my 'neurotic' pulse!" + +He took the hand I extended--and remained quite still. Conscious of the +secret force I had within myself I resolved to try if I could use it +upon him in such a way as to keep him a prisoner till I chose to let +him go. I watched him till his eyes began to look vague and a kind of +fixity settled on his features,--he was perfectly unconscious that I +held him at my pleasure,--and presently, satisfied with my experiment, +I relaxed the spell and withdrew my hand. + +"Quite regular, isn't it?" I said, carelessly. + +He started as if roused from a sleep, but replied quickly: + +"Yes--oh yes--perfectly!--I had almost forgotten what I was doing. I +was thinking of something else. Miss Harland--" + +"Yes, Miss Harland is ready for you by this time"--and I smiled. "You +must tell her I detained you." + +He nodded in a more or less embarrassed manner, and turning away from +me, went rather slowly down the saloon stairs. + +I gave a sigh of relief when he was gone. I had from the first moment +of our meeting recognised in him a mental organisation which in its +godless materialism and indifference to consequences, was opposed to +every healthful influence that might be brought to bear on his patients +for their well-being, whatever his pretensions to medical skill might +be. It was to his advantage to show them the worst side of a disease in +order to accentuate his own cleverness in dealing with it,--it served +his purpose to pamper their darkest imaginings, play with their whims +and humour their caprices,--I saw all this and understood it. And I was +glad that so far as I might be concerned, I had the power to master him. + + + + +V + +AN UNEXPECTED MEETING + + +To spend a few days on board a yacht with the same companions is a very +good test of the value of sympathetic vibration in human associations. +I found it so. I might as well have been quite alone on the 'Diana' as +with Morton Harland and his daughter, though they were always uniformly +kind to me and thoughtful of my comfort. But between us there was 'a +great gulf fixed,' though every now and again Catherine Harland made +feeble and pathetic efforts to cross that gulf and reach me where I +stood on the other side. But her strength was not equal to the +task,--her will-power was sapped at its root, and every day she allowed +herself to become more and more pliantly the prey of Dr. Brayle, who, +with a subconscious feeling that I knew him to be a mere medical +charlatan, had naturally warned her against me as an imaginative +theorist without any foundation of belief in my own theories. I +therefore shut myself within a fortress of reserve, and declined to +discuss any point of either religion or science with those for whom the +one was a farce and the other mere materialism. At all times when we +were together I kept the conversation deliberately down to commonplaces +which were safe, if dull,--and it amused me not a little to see that at +this course of action on my part Mr. Harland was first surprised, then +disappointed and finally bored. And I was glad. That I should bore him +as much as he bored me was the happy consummation of my immediate +desires. I talked as all conventional women talk, of the weather, of +our minimum and maximum speed, of the newspaper 'sensations' and +vulgarities that were served up to us whenever we called at a port for +the mails,--of the fish that frequented such and such waters, of sport, +of this and that millionaire whose highland castle or shooting-box was +crammed with the 'elite' whose delight is to kill innocent birds and +animals,--of the latest fool-flyers in aeroplanes,--in short, no +fashionable jabberer of social inanities could have beaten me in what +average persons call 'common-sense talk,'--talk which resulted after a +while in the usual vagueness of attention accompanied by smothered +yawning. I was resolved not to lift the line of thought 'up in the air' +in the manner whereof I had often been accused, but to keep it level +with the ground. So that when we left Tobermory, where we had anchored +for a couple of days, the limits of the yacht were becoming rather +cramped and narrow for our differing minds, and a monotony was +beginning to set in that threatened to be dangerous, if not unbearable. +As the 'Diana' steamed along through the drowsy misty light of the +summer afternoon, past the jagged coast of the mainland, I sat quite by +myself on deck, watching the creeping purple haze that partially veiled +the mountains of Ardnamurchan and Moidart, and I began to wonder +whether after all it might not be better to write to my friend +Francesca and tell her that her prophecies had already come true,--that +I was beginning to be weary of a holiday passed in an atmosphere bereft +of all joyousness, and that she must expect me in Inverness-shire at +once. And yet I was reluctant to end my trip with the Harlands too +soon. There was a secret wish in my heart which I hardly breathed to +myself,--a wish that I might again see the strange vessel that had +appeared and disappeared so suddenly, and make the acquaintance of its +owner. It would surely be an interesting break in the present condition +of things, to say the least of it. I did not know then (though I know +now) why my mind so persistently busied itself with the fancied +personality of the unknown possessor of the mysterious craft which, as +Captain Derrick said, 'sailed without wind,' but I found myself always +thinking about him and trying to picture his face and form. + +I took myself sharply to task for what I considered a foolish mental +attitude,--but do what I would, the attitude remained unchanged. It was +helped, perhaps, in a trifling way by the apparently fadeless quality +of the pink bell-heather which had been given me by the weird-looking +Highland fellow who called himself Jamie, for though three or four days +had now passed since I first wore it, it showed no signs of withering. +As a rule the delicate waxen bells of this plant turn yellow a few +hours after they are plucked,--but my little bunch was as brilliantly +fresh as ever. I kept it in a glass without water on the table in my +sitting-room and it looked always the same. I was questioning myself as +to what I should really do if my surroundings remained as hopelessly +inert and uninteresting as they were at present,--go on with the +'Diana' for a while longer on the chance of seeing the strange yacht +again--or make up my mind to get put out at some point from which I +could reach Inverness easily, when Mr. Harland came up suddenly behind +my chair and laid his hand on my shoulder. + +"Are you in dreamland?" he enquired--and I thought his voice sounded +rather weak and dispirited--"There's a wonderful light on those hills +just now." + +I raised my eyes and saw the purple shadows being cloven and scattered +one after another, by long rays of late sunshine that poured like +golden wine through the dividing wreaths of vapour,--above, the sky was +pure turquoise blue, melting into pale opal and emerald near the line +of the grey sea which showed little flecks of white foam under the +freshening breeze. Bringing my gaze down from the dazzling radiance of +the heavens, I turned towards Mr. Harland and was startled and shocked +to see the drawn and livid pallor of his face and the anguish of his +expression. + +"You are ill!" I exclaimed, and springing up in haste I offered him my +chair--"Do sit down!" + +He made a mute gesture of denial, and with slow difficulty drew another +chair up beside mine, and dropped into it with an air of heavy +weariness. + +"I am not ill now,"--he said--"A little while ago I was very ill. I was +in pain--horrible pain! Brayle did what he could for me--it was not +much. He says I must expect to suffer now and again--until--until the +end." + +Impulsively I laid my hand on his. + +"I am very sorry!" I said, gently--"I wish I could be of some use to +you!" + +He looked at me with a curious wistfulness. + +"You could, no doubt, if I believed as you do,"--he replied, and then +was silent for a moment. Presently he spoke again. + +"Do you know I am rather disappointed in you?" + +"Are you?" And I smiled a little--"Why?" + +He did not answer at once. He seemed absorbed in troubled musings. When +he resumed, it was in a low, meditative tone, almost as if he were +speaking to himself. + +"When I first met you--you remember?--at one of those social 'crushes' +which make the London season so infinitely tedious,--I was told you +were gifted with unusual psychic power, and that you had in yourself +the secret of an abounding exhaustless vitality. I repeat the words--an +abounding exhaustless vitality. This interested me, because I know that +our modern men and women are mostly only half alive. I heard of you +that it did people good to be in your company,--that your influence +upon them was remarkable, and that there was some unknown form of +occult, or psychic science to which you had devoted years of study, +with the result that you stood, as it were, apart from the world though +in the world. This, I say, is what I heard--" + +"But you did not believe it,"--I interposed. + +"Why do you say that?" he asked, quickly. + +"Because I know you could not believe it,"--I answered--"It would be +impossible for you." + +A gleam of satire flashed in his sunken eyes. + +"Well, you are right there! I did not believe it. But I expected--" + +"I know!" And I laughed--"You expected what is called a 'singular' +woman--one who makes herself 'singular,' adopts a 'singular' pose, and +is altogether removed from ordinary humanity. And of course you are +disappointed. I am not at all a type of the veiled priestess." + +"It is not that,"--he said, with a little vexation--"When I saw you I +recognised you to be a very transparent creature, devoted to innocent +dreams which are not life. But that secret which you are reported to +possess--the secret of wonderful abounding exhaustless vitality--how +does it happen that you have it? I myself see that force expressed in +your very glance and gesture, and what puzzles me is that it is not an +animal vitality; it is something else." + +I was silent. + +"You have not a robust physique,"--he went on--"Yet you are more full +of the spirit of life than men and women twice as strong as you are. +You are a feminine thing, too,--and that goes against you. But one can +see in you a worker--you evidently enjoy the exercise of the +accomplishments you possess--and nothing comes amiss to you. I wonder +how you manage it? When you joined us on this trip a few days ago, you +brought a kind of atmosphere with you that was almost buoyant, and now +I am disappointed, because you seem to have enclosed yourself within +it, and to have left us out!" + +"Have you not left yourselves out?" I queried, gently. "I, personally, +have really nothing to do with it. Just remember that when we have +talked on any subject above the line of the general and commonplace +your sole object has been to 'draw' me for the amusement of yourself +and Dr. Brayle--" + +"Ah, you saw that, did you?" he interrupted, with a faint smile. + +"Naturally! Had you believed half you say you were told of me, you +would have known I must have seen it. Can you wonder that I refuse to +be 'drawn'?" + +He looked at me with an odd expression of mingled surprise and +annoyance, and I met his gaze fully and frankly. His eyes shifted +uneasily away from mine. + +"One may feel a pardonable curiosity," he said, "And a desire to know--" + +"To know what?" I asked, with some warmth--"How can you obtain what you +are secretly craving for, if you persist in denying what is true? You +are afraid of death--yet you invite it by ignoring the source of life! +The curtain is down,--you are outside eternal realities altogether in a +chaos of your own voluntary creation!" + +I spoke with some passion, and he heard me patiently. + +"Let us try to understand each other," he said, after a pause--"though +it will be difficult. You speak of 'eternal realities.' To me there are +none, save the constant scattering and re-uniting of atoms. These, so +far as we know of the extraordinary (and to me quite unintelligent) +plan of the Universe, are for ever shifting and changing into various +forms and clusters of forms, such as solar systems, planets, comets, +star-dust and the like. Our present view of them is chiefly based on +the researches of Larmor and Thomson of Cambridge. From them and other +scientists we learn that electricity exists in small particles which we +can in a manner see in the 'cathode' rays,--and these particles are +called 'electrons.' These compose 'atoms of matter.' Well!--there are a +trillion of atoms in each granule of dust,--while electrons are so much +smaller, that a hundred thousand of them can lie in the diameter of an +atom. I know all this,--but I do not know why the atoms or electrons +should exist at all, nor what cause there should be for their constant +and often violent state of movement. They apparently always HAVE BEEN, +and always WILL be,--therefore they are all that can be called 'eternal +realities.' Sir Norman Lockyer tells us that the matter of the Universe +is undergoing a continuous process of evolution--but even if it is so, +what is that to me individually? It neither helps nor consoles me for +being one infinitesimal spark in the general conflagration. Now you +believe--" + +"In the Force that is BEHIND your system of electrons and atoms"--I +said--"For by whatever means or substances the Universe is composed, a +mighty Intelligence governs it--and I look to the Cause more than the +Effect. For even I am a part of the whole,--I belong to the source of +the stream as much as to the stream itself. An abstract, lifeless +principle without will or intention or intelligence could not have +evolved the splendours of Nature or the intellectual capabilities of +man--it could not have given rise to what was not in itself." + +He fixed his eyes steadily upon me. + +"That last sentence is sound argument," he said, as though reluctantly +admitting the obvious,--"And I suppose I am to presume that 'Itself' is +the well-spring from which you draw, or imagine you draw, your psychic +force?" + +"If I have any psychic force at all," I responded,--"where do you +suppose it should come from but that which gives vitality to all +animate Nature? I cannot understand why you blind yourself to the open +and visible fact of a Divine Intelligence working in and through all +things. If you could but acknowledge it and set yourself in tune with +it you would find life a new and far more dominant joy than it is to +you now. I firmly believe that your very illness has arisen from your +determined attitude of unbelief." + +"That's what a Christian Scientist would say," he answered, with a +touch of scorn,--"I begin to think Dr. Brayle is right in his estimate +of you." + +I held my peace. + +"Have you no curiosity?" he demanded--"Don't you want to know his +opinion?" + +"No,"--and I smiled--"My dear Mr. Harland, with all your experience of +the world, has it never occurred to you that there are some people +whose opinions don't matter?" + +"Brayle is a clever man,"--he said, somewhat testily, "And you are +merely an imaginative woman." + +"Then why do you trouble about me?" I asked him, quickly--"Why do you +want to find out that something in me which baffles both Dr. Brayle and +yourself?" + +It was now his turn to be silent, and he remained so for some time, his +eyes fixed on the shadowing heavens. The waves were roughening slightly +and a swell from the Atlantic lifted the 'Diana' curtsying over their +foam-flecked crests as she ploughed her way swiftly along. Presently he +turned to me with a smile. + +"Let us strike a truce!"--he said--"I promise not to try and 'draw' you +any more! But please do not isolate yourself from us,--try to feel that +we are your friends. I want you to enjoy this trip if possible,--but I +fear that we are proving rather dull company for you. We are making for +Skye at good speed and shall probably anchor in Loch Scavaig to-night. +To-morrow we might land and do the excursion to Loch Coruisk if you +care for that, though Catherine is not a good walker." + +I felt rather remorseful as he said these words in a kindly tone. Yet I +knew very well that, notwithstanding all the strenuous efforts which +might be made by the rules of conventional courtesy, it would be +impossible for me to feel quite at home in the surroundings which he +had created for himself. I inwardly resolved, however, to make the best +of it and to try and steer clear of any possibilities or incidents +which might tend to draw the line of demarcation too strongly between +us. Some instinct told me that present conditions were not to remain as +they were, so I answered my host gently and assured him of my entire +willingness to fall in with any of his plans. Our conversation then +gradually drifted into ordinary topics till towards sunset, when I went +down to my cabin to dress for dinner. I had a fancy to wear the bunch +of pink bell-heather that still kept its fresh and waxen-looking +delicacy of bloom, and this, fastened in the lace of my white gown, was +my only adornment. + +That night there was a distinct attempt on everybody's part to make +things sociable and pleasant. Catherine Harland was, for once, quite +cheerful and chatty, and proposed that as there was a lovely moonlight, +we should all go after dinner into the deck saloon, where there was a +piano, and that I should sing for them. I was rather surprised at this +suggestion, as she was not fond of music. Nevertheless, there had been +such an evident wish shown by her and her father to lighten the +monotony which had been creeping like a mental fog over us all that I +readily agreed to anything which might perhaps for the moment give them +pleasure. + +We went up on deck accordingly, and on arriving there were all smitten +into awed silence by the wonderful beauty of the scene. We were +anchored in Loch Scavaig--and the light of the moon fell with a weird +splendour on the gloom of the surrounding hills, a pale beam touching +the summits here and there and deepening the solemn effect of the lake +and the magnificent forms of its sentinel mountains. A low murmur of +hidden streams sounded on the deep stillness and enhanced the +fascination of the surrounding landscape, which was more like the +landscape of a dream than a reality. The deep breadths of dense +darkness lying lost among the cavernous slopes of the hills were broken +at intervals by strange rifts of light arising as it were from the +palpitating water, which now and again showed gleams of pale emerald +and gold phosphorescence,--the stars looked large and white like +straying bits of the moon, and the mysterious 'swishing' of slow +ripples heaving against the sides of the yacht suggested the +whisperings of uncanny spirits. We stood in a silent group, entranced +by the grandeur of the night and by our own loneliness in the midst of +it, for there was no sign of a fisherman's hut or boat moored to the +shore, or anything which could give us a sense of human companionship. +A curious feeling of disappointment suddenly came over me,--I lifted my +eyes to the vast dark sky with a kind of mute appeal--and moon and +stars appeared to float up there like ships in a deep sea,--I had +expected something more in this strange, almost spectral-looking +landscape, and yet I knew not why I should expect anything. Beautiful +as the whole scene was, and fully as I recognised its beauty, an +overpowering depression suddenly gripped me as with a cold hand,--there +was a dreary emptiness in this majestic solitude that seemed to crush +my spirit utterly. + +I moved a little away from my companions, and leaned over the deck +rail, looking far into the black shadows of the shore, defined more +deeply by the contrasting brilliance of the moon, and my thoughts flew +with undesired swiftness to the darkest line of life's horizon--I had +for the moment lost the sense of joy. How wretched all we human +creatures are!--I said to my inner self,--what hope after all is there +for us, imprisoned in a world which has no pity for us whatever may be +our fate,--a world that goes on in precisely the same fashion whether +we live or die, work or are idle? These tragic hills, this cold lake, +this white moon, were the same when Caesar lived, and would still be +the same when we who gazed upon them now were all gone into the +Unknown. It seemed difficult to try and realise this obvious fact--so +difficult as to be almost unnatural. Supposing that any towns or +villages had ever existed on this desolate shore, they had proved +useless against the devouring forces of Nature,--just as the splendid +buried cities of South America had proved useless in all their +magnificence,--useless as the 'Golden Age of Lanka' in Ceylon more than +two thousand years ago. Of what avail then is the struggle of human +life? Is it for the many or only for the few? Is all the toil and +sorrow of millions merely for the uplifting and perfecting of certain +individual types, and is this what Christ meant when He said 'Many are +called but few are chosen'? If so, why such waste of brain and heart +and love and patience? Tears came suddenly into my eyes and I started +as from a bad dream when Dr. Brayle approached me softly from behind. + +"I am sorry to disturb your reverie!"--he said--"But Miss Harland has +gone into the deck saloon and we are all waiting to hear you sing." + +I looked up at him. + +"I don't feel as if I could sing to-night,"--I replied, rather +tremulously--"This lonely landscape depresses me--" + +He saw that my eyes were wet, and smiled. + +"You are overwrought," he said--"Your own theories of health and +vitality are not infallible! You must be taken care of. You think too +much." + +"Or too little?" I suggested. + +"Really, my dear lady, you cannot possibly think too little where +health and happiness are concerned! The sanest and most comfortable +people on earth are those who eat well and never think at all. An empty +brain and a full stomach make the sum total of a contented life." + +"So YOU imagine!" I said, with a slight gesture of veiled contempt. + +"So I KNOW!" he answered, with emphasis--"And I have had a wide +experience. Now don't look daggers at me!--come and sing!" + +He offered me his arm, but I put it aside and walked by myself towards +the deck saloon. Mr. Harland and Catherine were seated there, with all +the lights turned full on, so that the radiance of the moon through the +window was completely eclipsed. The piano was open. As I came in +Catherine looked at me with a surprised air. + +"Why, how pale you are!" she exclaimed--"One would think you had seen a +ghost!" + +I laughed. + +"Perhaps I have! Loch Scavaig is sufficient setting for any amount of +ghosts. It's such a lonely place,"--and a slight tremor ran through me +as I played a few soft chords--"What shall I sing to you?" + +"Something of the country we are in,"--said Mr. Harland--"Don't you +know any of those old wild Gaelic airs?" + +I thought a moment, and then to a low rippling accompaniment I sang the +old Celtic 'Fairy's Love Song'-- + + "Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh, + On the hill-side dreary-- + When I see the plover rising, + Or the curlew wheeling, + Then I know my mortal lover + Back to me is stealing. + + When the day wears away + Sad I look adown the valley, + Every sound heard around + Sets my heart a-thrilling,-- + Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh + All alone and weary! + + Ah, but there is something wanting, + Oh but I am weary! + Come, my true and tender lover, + O'er the hills to cheer me! + Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh, + All alone and weary!" + +I had scarcely finished the last verse when Captain Derrick suddenly +appeared at the door of the saloon in a great state of excitement. + +"Come out, Mr. Harland!" he almost shouted--"Come quickly, all of you! +There's that strange yacht again!" + +I rose from my seat at the piano trembling a little--at last!--I +thought--at last! My heart was beating tumultuously, though I could not +explain my own emotion to myself. In another moment we were all +standing speechless and amazed, gazing at surely the most wonderful +sight that had ever been seen by human eyes. There on the dark and +lonely waters of Loch Scavaig was poised, rather than anchored, the +fairy vessel of my dreams, with all sails spread,--sails that were +white as milk and seemingly drenched with a sparkling dewy radiance, +for they scintillated like hoar-frost in the sun and glittered against +the sombre background of the mountainous shore with an almost blinding +splendour. Our whole crew of sailors and servants on the 'Diana' came +together in astonished groups, whispering among themselves, all +evidently more or less scared by the strange spectacle. Captain Derrick +waited for someone to hazard a remark, then, as we remained silent, he +addressed Mr. Harland-- + +"Well, sir, what do you make of it?" + +Mr. Harland did not answer. For a man who professed indifference to all +events and circumstances he seemed startled for once and a little +afraid. Catherine caught me by the arm,--she was shivering nervously. + +"Do you think it is a REAL yacht?" she whispered. + +I was amused at this question, coming as it did from a woman who denied +the supernatural. + +"Of course it is!" I answered--"Don't you see people moving about on +board?" + +For, in the brilliant light shed by those extraordinary sails, the +schooner appeared to be fully manned. Several of the crew were busy on +her deck and there was nothing of the phantom in their movements. + +"Her sails must surely be lit up in that way by electricity"--said Dr. +Brayle, who had been watching her attentively--"But how it is done and +why, is rather puzzling! I never saw anything quite to resemble it." + +"She came into the loch like a flash,"--said Captain Derrick--"I saw +her slide in round the point, and then without a sound of any kind, +there she was, safe anchored before you could whistle. She behaved in +just the same way when we first sighted her off Mull." + +I listened to what they were saying, impatiently wondering what would +be the end of their surmises and speculations. + +"Why not exchange courtesies?" I said, suddenly,--"Here we are--two +yachts anchored near each other in a lonely lake,--why should we not +know each other? Then all the mysteries you are talking about would be +cleared up." + +"Quite true!" said Mr. Harland, breaking his silence at last--"But +isn't it rather late to pay a call? What time is it?" + +"About half-past ten,"--answered Dr. Brayle, glancing at his watch. + +"Oh, let us get to bed!" murmured Miss Catherine, pleadingly--"What's +the good of making any enquiries to-night?" + +"Well, if you don't make them to-night ten to one you won't have the +chance to-morrow!"--said Captain Derrick, bluntly--"That yacht will +repeat her former manoeuvres and vanish at sunrise." + +"As all spectres are traditionally supposed to do!" said Dr. Brayle, +lighting a cigarette as he spoke and beginning to smoke it with a +careless air--"I vote for catching the ghost before it melts away into +the morning." + +While this talk went on Mr. Harland stepped back into the saloon and +wrote a note which he enclosed in a sealed envelope. With this in his +hand he came out to us again. + +"Captain, will you get the boat lowered, please?" he said--then, as +Captain Derrick hastened to obey this order, he turned to his +secretary:--"Mr. Swinton, I want you to take this note to the owner of +that yacht, whoever he may be, with my compliments. Don't give it to +anyone else but himself." + +Mr. Swinton, looking very pale and uncomfortable, took the note +gingerly between his fingers. + +"Himself--yes!"--he stammered--"And--er--if there should be no one--" + +"What do you mean?" and Mr. Harland frowned in his own particularly +unpleasant way--"There's sure to be SOMEONE, even if he were the devil! +You can say to him that the ladies of our party are very much +interested in the beautiful illumination of his yacht, and that we'll +be glad to see him on board ours, if he cares to come. Be as polite as +you can, and as agreeable as you like." + +"It has not occurred to you--I suppose you have not thought--that--that +it may be an illusion?" faltered Mr. Swinton, uneasily, glancing at the +glistening sails that shamed the silver sheen of the moon--"A sort of +mirage in the atmosphere--" + +Mr. Harland gave vent to a laugh--the heartiest I had ever heard from +him. + +"Upon my word, Swinton!" he exclaimed--"I should never have thought you +capable of nerves! Come, come!--be off with you! The boat is +lowered--all's ready!" + +Thus commanded, there was nothing for the reluctant Mr. Swinton but to +obey, and I could not help smiling at his evident discomfiture. All his +precise and matter-of-fact self-satisfaction was gone in a moment,--he +was nothing but a very timorous creature, afraid to examine into what +he could not at once understand. No such terrors, however, were +displayed by the sailors who undertook to row him over to the yacht. +They, as well as their captain, were anxious to discover the mystery, +if mystery there was,--and we all, by one instinct, pressed to the +gangway as he descended the companion ladder and entered the boat, +which glided away immediately with a low and rhythmical plash of oars. +We could watch it as it drew nearer and nearer the illuminated vessel, +and our excitement grew more and more intense. For once Mr. Harland and +his daughter had forgotten all about themselves,--and Catherine's +customary miserable expression of face had altogether disappeared in +the keenness of her interest for something more immediately thrilling +than her own ailments. So far as I was concerned, I could hardly endure +the suspense that seemed to weigh on every nerve of my body during the +few minutes' interval that elapsed between the departure of the boat +and its drawing up alongside the strange yacht. My thoughts were all in +a whirl,--I felt as if something unprecedented and almost terrifying +was about to happen,--but I could not reason out the cause of my mental +agitation. + +"There they go!" said Mr. Harland--"They're alongside! See!--those +fellows are lowering the companion ladder--there's nothing supernatural +about THEM! Swinton's all right--look, he's on board!" + +We strained our eyes through the brilliant flare shed by the +illuminated sails on the darkness and could see Mr. Swinton talking to +a group of sailors. One of them went away, but returned almost +immediately, followed by a man clad in white yachting flannels, who, +standing near one of the shining sails, caught some of the light on his +own figure with undeniably becoming effect. I was the first to perceive +him, and as I looked, the impression came upon me that he was no +stranger,--I had seen him often before. This sudden consciousness +swiftly borne in upon me calmed all the previous tumult of my mind and +I was no longer anxious as to the result of our possible acquaintance. +Catherine Harland pressed my arm excitedly. + +"There he is!" she said--"That must be the owner of the yacht. He's +reading father's letter." + +He was,--we could see the little sheet of paper turning over in his +hands. And while we waited, wondering what would be his answer, the +light on the sails of his vessel began to pale and die away,--beam +after beam of radiance slipped off as it were like drops of water, and +before we could quite realise it there was darkness where all had +lately been so bright; and the canvas was hauled down. With the +quenching of that intense brilliancy we lost sight of the human figures +on deck and could not imagine what was to happen next. The dark shore +looked darker than ever,--the outline of the yacht was now truly +spectral, like a ship of black cobweb against the moon, and we looked +questioningly at each other in silence. Then Mr. Harland spoke in a low +tone. + +"The boat is coming back,"--he said,--"I hear the oars." + +I leaned over the side of our vessel and tried to see through the +gloom. How still the water was!--not a ripple disturbed its surface. +But there were strange gleams of wandering light in its depths like +dropped jewels lost on sands far below. The regular dip of oars sounded +nearer and nearer. My heart was beating with painful quickness,--I +could not understand the strange feeling that overpowered me. I felt as +if my very soul were going out of my body to meet that oncoming boat +which was cleaving its way through the darkness. Another brief interval +and then we saw it shoot out into a patch of moonlight--we could +perceive Mr. Swinton seated in the stern with another figure beside +him--that of a man who stood up as he neared our yacht and lifted his +cap with an easy gesture of salutation, and then as the boat came +alongside, caught at the guide rope and sprang lightly on the first +step of the companion ladder. + +"Why, he's actually come over to us himself!" ejaculated Mr. +Harland,--and he hurried to the gangway just in time to receive the +visitor as he stepped on deck. + +"Well, Harland, how are you?" said a mellow voice in the cheeriest of +accents--"It's strange we should meet like this after so many years!" + + + + +VI + +RECOGNITION + + +At these words and at sight of the speaker, Morton Harland started back +as if he had been shot. + +"Santoris!" he exclaimed--"Not possible! Rafel Santoris! No! You must +be his son!" + +The stranger laughed. + +"My good Harland! Always the sceptic! Miracles are many, but there is +one which is beyond all performance. A man cannot be his own offspring! +I am that very Santoris who saw you last in Oxford. Come, come!--you +ought to know me!" + +He stepped more fully into the light which was shed from the open door +of the deck saloon, and showed himself to be a man of distinguished +appearance, apparently about forty years of age. He was well built, +with the straight back and broad shoulders of an athlete,--his face was +finely featured and radiant with the glow of health and strength, and +as he smiled and laid one hand on Mr. Harland's shoulder he looked the +very embodiment of active, powerful manhood. Morton Harland stared at +him in amazement and something of terror. + +"Rafel Santoris!" he repeated--"You are his living image,--but you +cannot be himself--you are too young!" + +A gleam of amusement sparkled in the stranger's eyes. + +"Don't let us talk of age or youth for the moment"--he said. "Here I +am,--your 'eccentric' college acquaintance whom you and several other +fellows fought shy of years ago! I assure you I am quite harmless! Will +you present me to the ladies?" + +There was a brief embarrassed pause. Then Mr. Harland turned to us +where we had withdrawn ourselves a little apart and addressed his +daughter. + +"Catherine,"--he said--"This gentleman tells me he knew me at Oxford, +and if he is right I also knew HIM. I spoke of him only the other night +at dinner--you remember?--but I did not tell you his name. It is Rafel +Santoris--if indeed he IS Santoris!--though my Santoris should be a +much older man." + +"I extremely regret," said our visitor then, advancing and bowing +courteously to Catherine and myself--"that I do not fulfil the required +conditions of age! Will you try to forgive me?" + +He smiled--and we were a little confused, hardly knowing what to say. +Involuntarily I raised my eyes to his, and with one glance saw in those +clear blue orbs that so steadfastly met mine a world of +memories--memories tender, wistful and pathetic, entangled as in tears +and fire. All the inward instincts of my spirit told me that I knew him +well--as well as one knows the gold of the sunshine or the colour of +the sky,--yet where had I seen him often and often before? While my +thoughts puzzled over this question he averted his gaze from mine and +went on speaking to Catherine. + +"I understand," he said--"that you are interested in the lighting of my +yacht?" + +"It is most beautiful and wonderful,"--answered Catherine, in her +coldest tone of conventional politeness, "And so unusual!" + +His eyebrows went up with a slightly quizzical. + +"Yes, I suppose it is unusual," he said--"I am always forgetting that +what is not quite common seems strange! But really the arrangement is +very simple. The yacht is called the 'Dream'--and she is, as her name +implies, a 'dream' fulfilled. Her sails are her only motive power. They +are charged with electricity, and that is why they shine at night in a +way that must seem to outsiders like a special illumination. If you +will honour me with a visit to-morrow I will show you how it is +managed." + +Here Captain Derrick, who had been standing close by, was unable to +resist the impulse of his curiosity. + +"Excuse me, sir,"--he said, suddenly--"but may I ask how it is you sail +without wind?" + +"Certainly!--you may ask and be answered!" Santoris replied. "As I have +just said, our sails are our only motive power, but we do not need the +wind to fill them. By a very simple scientific method, or rather let me +say by a scientific application of natural means, we generate a form of +electric force from the air and water as we move. This force fills the +sails and propels the vessel with amazing swiftness wherever she is +steered. Neither calm nor storm affects her progress. When there is a +good gale blowing our way, we naturally lessen the draft on our own +supplies--but we can make excellent speed even in the teeth of a +contrary wind. We escape all the inconveniences of steam and smoke and +dirt and noise,--and I daresay in about a couple of hundred years or so +my method of sailing the seas will be applied to all ships large and +small, with much wonder that it was not thought of long ago." + +"Why not apply it yourself?" asked Dr. Brayle, now joining in the +conversation for the first time and putting the question with an air of +incredulous amusement--"With such a marvellous discovery--if it is +yours--you should make your fortune!" + +Santoris glanced him over with polite tolerance. + +"It is possible I do not need to make it,"--he answered, then turning +again to Captain Derrick he said, kindly, "I hope the matter seems +clearer to you? We sail without wind, it is true, but not without the +power that creates wind." + +The captain shook his head perplexedly. + +"Well, sir, I can't quite take it in,"--he confessed--"I'd like to know +more." + +"So you shall! Harland, will you all come over to the yacht to-morrow? +There may be some excursion we could do together--and you might remain +and dine with me afterwards." + +Mr. Harland's face was a study. Doubt and fear struggled for the +mastery in his expression and he did not at once answer. Then he seemed +to conquer his hesitation and to recover himself. + +"Give me a moment with you alone,"--he said, with a gesture of +invitation towards the deck saloon. + +Our visitor readily complied with this suggestion, and the two men +entered the saloon together and closed the door. + +Silence followed. Catherine looked at me in questioning +bewilderment,--then she called to Mr. Swinton, who had been standing +about as though awaiting orders in his usual tiresome and servile way. + +"What sort of an interview did you have with that gentleman when you +got on board his yacht?" she asked. + +"Very pleasant--very pleasant indeed"--he replied--"The vessel is +magnificently appointed. I have never seen such luxury. Extraordinary! +More than princely! Mr. Santoris himself I found particularly +agreeable. When he had read Mr. Harland's note, he said he was glad to +find it was from an old college companion, and that he would come over +with me to renew the acquaintance. As he has done." + +"You were not afraid of him, then?" queried Dr. Brayle, sarcastically. + +"Oh dear no! He seems quite well-bred, and I should say he must be very +wealthy." + +"A most powerful recommendation!" murmured Brayle--"The best in the +world! What do YOU think of him?" he asked, turning suddenly to me. + +"I have no opinion,"--I answered, quietly. + +How could I say otherwise? How could I tell such a man as he was, of +one who had entered my life as insistently as a flash of light, +illumining all that had hitherto been dark! + +At that moment Catherine caught my hand. + +"Listen!" she whispered. + +A window of the deck saloon was open and we stood near it. Dr. Brayle +and Mr. Swinton had moved away to light fresh cigars, and we two women +were for the moment alone. We heard Mr. Harland's voice raised to a +sort of smothered cry. + +"My God! You ARE Santoris!" + +"Of course I am!" And the deep answering tones were full of music,--the +music of a grave and infinitely tender compassion--"Why did you doubt +it? And why call upon God? That is a name which has no meaning for you." + +There followed a silence. I looked at Catherine and saw her pale face +in the light of the moon, haggard in line and older than her years, and +my heart was full of pity for her. She was excited beyond her usual +self-I could see that the appearance of the stranger from the yacht had +aroused her interest and compelled her admiration. I tried to draw her +gently to a farther distance from the saloon, but she would not move. + +"We ought not to listen,"--I said--"Catherine, come away!" + +She shook her head. + +"Hush!" she softly breathed--"I want to hear!" + +Just then Mr. Harland spoke again. + +"I am sorry!" he said--"I have wronged you and I apologise. But you can +hardly wonder at my disbelief, considering your appearance, which is +that of a much younger man than your actual years should make you." + +The rich voice of Santoris gave answer. + +"Did I not tell you and others long ago that for me there is no such +thing as time, but only eternity? The soul is always young,--and I live +in the Spirit of youth, not in the Matter of age." + +Catherine turned her eyes upon me in wide-open amazement. + +"He must be mad!" she said. + +I made no reply either by word or look. We heard Mr. Harland talking, +but in a lower tone, and we could not distinguish what he said. +Presently Santoris answered, and his vibrant tones were clear and +distinct. + +"Why should it seem to you so wonderful?" he said--"You do not think it +miraculous when the sculptor, standing before a shapeless block of +marble, hews it out to conformity with his inward thought. The marble +is mere marble, hard to deal with, difficult to shape,--yet out of its +resisting roughness the thinker and worker can mould an Apollo or a +Psyche. You find nothing marvellous in this, though the result of its +shaping is due to nothing but Thought and Labour. Yet when you see the +human body, which is far easier to shape than marble, brought into +submission by the same forces of Thought and Labour, you are +astonished! Surely it is a simpler matter to control the living cells +of one's own fleshly organisation and compel them to do the bidding of +the dominating spirit than to chisel the semblance of a god out of a +block of stone!" + +There was a pause after this. Then followed more inaudible talk on the +part of Mr. Harland, and while we yet waited to gather further +fragments of the conversation, he suddenly threw open the saloon door +and called to us to come in. We at once obeyed the summons, and as we +entered he said in a somewhat excited, nervous way:-- + +"I must apologise before you ladies for the rather doubting manner in +which I received my former college friend! He IS Rafel Santoris--I +ought to have known that there's only one of his type! But the curious +part of it is that he should be nearly as old as I am,--yet somehow he +is not!" + +I laughed. It would have been hard not to laugh, for the mere idea of +comparing the two men, Santoris in such splendid prime and Morton +Harland in his bent, lean and wizened condition, as being of the same +or nearly the same age was quite ludicrous. Even Catherine smiled--a +weak and timorous smile. + +"I suppose you have grown old more quickly, father," she said--"Perhaps +Mr. Santoris has not lived at such high pressure." + +Santoris, standing by the saloon centre table tinder the full blaze of +the electric lamp, looked at her with a kindly interest. + +"High or low, I live each moment of my days to the full, Miss +Harland,"--he said--"I do not drowse it or kill it--I LIVE it! This +lady,"--and he turned his eyes towards me--"looks as if she did the +same!" + +"She does!" said Mr. Harland, quickly, and with emphasis--"That's quite +true! You were always a good reader of character, Santoris! I believe I +have not introduced you properly to our little friend"--here he +presented me by name and I held out my hand. Santoris took it in his +own with a light, warm clasp--gently releasing it again as he bowed. "I +call her our little friend, because she brings such an atmosphere of +joy along with her wherever she goes. We persuaded her to come with us +yachting this summer for a very selfish reason--because we are disposed +to be dull and she is always bright,--the advantage, you see, is all on +our side! Oddly enough, I was talking to her about you the other +night--the very night, by the by, that your yacht came behind us off +Mull. That was rather a curious coincidence when you come to think of +it!" + +"Not curious at all,"--said Santoris--"but perfectly natural. When will +you realise that there is no such thing as 'coincidence' but only a +very exact system of mathematics?" + +Mr. Harland gave a slight, incredulous gesture. + +"Your theories again," he said--"You hold to them still! But our little +friend is likely to agree with you,--when I was speaking of you to her +I told her she had somewhat the same ideas as yourself. She is a sort +of a 'psychist'--whatever that may mean!" + +"Do you not know?" queried Santoris, with a grave smile--"It is easy to +guess by merely looking at her!" + +My cheeks grew warm and my eyes fell beneath his steadfast gaze. I +wondered whether Mr. Harland or Catherine would notice that in his coat +he wore a small bunch of the same kind of bright pink bell-heather +which was my only 'jewel of adorning' that night. The ice of +introductory recognition being broken, we gathered round the saloon +table and sat down, while the steward brought wine and other +refreshments to offer to our guest. Mr. Harland's former uneasiness and +embarrassment seemed now at an end, and he gave himself up to the +pleasure of renewing association with one who had known him as a young +man, and they began talking easily together of their days at college, +of the men they had both been acquainted with, some of whom were dead, +some settled abroad and some lost to sight in the vistas of uncertain +fate. Catherine took very little part in the conversation, but she +listened intently--her colourless eyes were for once bright, and she +watched the face of Santoris as one might watch an animated picture. +Presently Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton, who had been pacing the deck +together and smoking, paused near the saloon door. Mr. Harland beckoned +them. + +"Come in, come in!" he said--"Santoris, this is my physician, Dr. +Brayle, who has undertaken to look after me during this +trip,"--Santoris bowed--"And this is my secretary, Mr. Swinton, whom I +sent over to your yacht just now." Again Santoris bowed. His slight, +yet perfectly courteous salutation, was in marked contrast with the +careless modern nod or jerk of the head by which the other men barely +acknowledged their introduction to him. "He was afraid of his life to +go to you"--continued Mr. Harland, with a laugh--"He thought you might +be an illusion--or even the devil himself, with those fiery sails!" Mr. +Swinton looked sheepish; Santoris smiled. "This fair dreamer of +dreams"--here he singled me out for notice--"is the only one of us who +has not expressed either surprise or fear at the sight of your vessel +or the possible knowledge of yourself, though there was one little +incident connected with the pretty bunch of bell-heather she is +wearing--why!--you wear the same flower yourself!" + +There was a moment's silence. Everyone stared. The blood burned in my +veins,--I felt my face crimsoning, yet I knew not why I should be +embarrassed or at a loss for words. Santoris came to my relief. + +"There's nothing remarkable in that, is there?" he queried, +lightly--"Bell-heather is quite common in this part of the world. I +shouldn't like to try and count up the number of tourists I've lately +seen wearing it!" + +"Ah, but you don't know the interest attaching to this particular +specimen!" persisted Mr. Harland--"It was given to our little friend by +a wild Highland fellow, presumably a native of Mull, the very morning +after she had seen your yacht for the first time, and he told her that +on the previous night he had brought all of the same kind he could +gather to you! Surely you see the connection?" + +Santoris shook his head. + +"I'm afraid I don't!" he said, smilingly. "Did the 'wild Highland +fellow' name me?" + +"No--I believe he called you 'the shentleman that owns the yacht.'" + +"Oh well!" and Santoris laughed--"There are so many 'shentlemen' that +own yachts! He may have got mixed in his customers. In any case, I am +glad to have some little thing in common with your friend--if only a +bunch of heather!" + +"HER bunch behaves very curiously,"--put in Catherine--"It never fades." + +Santoris made no comment. It seemed as if he had not heard, or did not +wish to hear. He changed the conversation, much to my comfort, and for +the rest of the time he stayed with us, rather avoided speaking to me, +though once or twice I met his eyes fixed earnestly upon me. The talk +drifted in a desultory manner round various ordinary topics, and I, +moving a little aside, took a seat near the window where I could watch +the moon-rays striking a steel-like glitter on the still waters of Loch +Scavaig, and at the same time hear all that was being said without +taking any part in it. I did not wish to speak,--the uplifted joy of my +soul was too intense for anything but silence. I could not tell why I +was so happy,--I only knew by inward instinct that some point in my +life had been reached towards which I had striven for a far longer +period than I myself was aware of. There was nothing for me now but to +wait with faith and patience for the next step forward--a step which I +felt would not be taken alone. And I listened with interest while Mr. +Harland put his former college friend through a kind of inquisitorial +examination as to what he had been doing and where he had been +journeying since they last met. Santoris seemed not at all unwilling to +be catechised. + +"When I escaped from Oxford,"--he said--but here Mr. Harland interposed. + +"Escaped!" he exclaimed--"You talk as if you had been kept in prison." + +"So I was"--Santoris replied--"Oxford is a prison, to all who want to +feed on something more than the dry bones of learning. While there I +was like the prodigal son,--exiled from my Father's House. And I 'did +eat the husks that the swine did eat.' Many fellows have to do the +same. Sometimes--though not often--a man arrives with a constitution +unsuited to husks. Mine was--and is--such an one." + +"You secured honours with the husks," said Mr. Harland. + +Santoris gave a gesture of airy contempt. + +"Honours! Such honours! Any fellow unaddicted to drinking, with a fair +amount of determined plod could win them. The alleged 'difficulties' in +the way are perfectly childish. They scarcely deserve to be called the +pothooks and hangers of an education. I always got my work done in two +or three hours--the rest of my time at college was pure leisure,--which +I employed in other and wiser forms of study than those of the general +curriculum--as you know." + +"You mean occult mysteries and things of that sort?" + +"'Occult' is a word of such new coinage that it is not found in many +dictionaries,"--said Santoris, with a mirthful look--"You will not find +it, for instance, in the earlier editions of Stormonth's reliable +compendium. I do not care for it myself; I prefer to say 'Spiritual +science.'" + +"You believe in that?" asked Catherine, abruptly. + +"Assuredly! How can I do otherwise, seeing that it is the Key to the +Soul of Nature?" "That's too deep for me!" said Dr. Brayle, pouring +himself out a glass of whisky and mixing it with soda-water--"If it's a +riddle I give it up!" + +Santoris was silent. There was a moment's pause. Then Catherine leaned +forward across the table, looking at him with tired, questioning eyes. + +"Could you not explain?" she murmured. + +"Easily!" he answered--"Anyone can understand it with a little +attention. What I mean is this,--you know that the human body outwardly +expresses its inward condition of health, mentality and +spirituality--well, in exactly the same way Nature, in her countless +varying presentations of beauty and wisdom, expresses the Soul of +herself, or the spiritual force which supports her existence. +'Spiritual science' is the knowledge, not of the outward effect so much +as of the inward cause which makes the effect manifest. It is a +knowledge which can be applied to the individual daily uses of +life,--the more it is studied, the more reward it bestows, and the +smallest portion of it thoroughly mastered, is bound to lead to some +discovery, simple or complex, which lifts the immortal part of a man a +step higher on the way it should go." + +"You are satisfied with your researches, then?" asked Mr. Harland. + +Santoris smiled gravely. + +"Do I look like a man that has failed?" he answered. + +Mr. Harland studied his handsome face and figure with ill-concealed +envy. + +"You went abroad from Oxford?" he queried. + +"Yes. I went back to the old home in Egypt--the house where I was born +and bred. It had been well kept and cared for by the faithful servant +to whom my father had entrusted it--as well kept as a Royal Chamber in +the Pyramids with the funeral offerings untouched and a perpetual lamp +burning. It was the best of all possible places in which to continue my +particular line of work without interruption--and I have stayed there +most of the time, only coming away, as now, when necessary for a change +and a look at the world as the world lives in these days." + +"And"--here Mr. Harland hesitated, then went on--"Are you married?" + +Santoris lifted his eyes and regarded his former college acquaintance +fixedly. + +"That question is unnecessary"--he said--"You know I am not." + +There was a brief awkward pause. Dr. Brayle looked up with a satirical +smile. + +"Spiritual science has probably taught you to beware of the fair +sex"--he said. + +"I do not entirely understand you"--answered Santoris, coldly--"But if +you mean that I am not a lover of women in the plural you are right." + +"Perhaps of the one woman--the one rare pearl in the deep sea"--hinted +Dr. Brayle, unabashed. + +"Come, you are getting too personal, Brayle," interrupted Mr. Harland, +quickly, and with asperity--"Santoris, your health!" + +He raised a glass of wine to his lips--Santoris did the same--and this +simple courtesy between the two principals in the conversation had the +effect of putting their subordinate in his proper place. + +"It seems superfluous to wish health to Mr. Santoris," said Catherine +then--"He evidently has it in perfection." + +Santoris looked at her with kindly interest. + +"Health is a law, Miss Harland"--he said--"It is our own fault if we +trespass against it." + +"Ah, you say that because you are well and strong," she answered, in a +plaintive tone--"But if you were afflicted and suffering you would take +a different view of illness." + +He smiled, somewhat compassionately. + +"I think not,"--he said--"If I were afflicted and suffering, as you +say, I should know that by my own neglect, thoughtlessness, +carelessness or selfishness I had injured my organisation mentally and +physically, and that, therefore, the penalty demanded was just and +reasonable." + +"Surely you do not maintain that a man is responsible for his own +ailments?" said Mr. Harland--"That would be too far-fetched, even for +YOU! Why, as a matter of fact a wretched human being is not only cursed +with his own poisoned blood but with the poisoned blood of his +forefathers, and, according to the latest medical science, the very air +and water swarm with germs of death for the unsuspecting victim." + +"Or germs of life!" said Santoris, quietly--"According to my knowledge +or 'theory,' as you prefer to call it, there are no germs of actual +death. There are germs which disintegrate effete forms of matter merely +to allow the forces of life to rebuild them again--and these may +propagate in the human system if it so happens that the human system is +prepared to receive them. Their devastating process is called disease, +but they never begin their work till the being they attack has either +wasted a vital opportunity or neglected a vital necessity. Far more +numerous are the beneficial germs of revivifying and creative +power--and if these find place, they are bound to conquer those whose +agency is destructive. It all depends on the soil and pasture you offer +them. Evil thoughts make evil blood, and in evil blood disease +germinates and flourishes. Pure thoughts make pure blood and rebuild +the cells of health and vitality. I grant you there is such a thing as +inherited disease, but this could be prevented in a great measure by +making the marriage of diseased persons a criminal offence,--while much +of it could be driven out by proper care in childhood. Unfortunately, +the proper care is seldom given." + +"What would you call proper care?" asked Catherine. + +"Entire absence of self-indulgence, to begin with,"--he answered--"No +child should be permitted to have its own way or expect to have it. The +first great lesson of life should be renunciation of self." + +A faint colour crept into Catherine's faded cheeks. Mr. Harland +fidgeted in his chair. + +"Unless a man looks after himself, no one else will look after him"--he +said. + +"Reasonable care of one's self is UNselfishness," replied +Santoris--"But anything in excess of reasonable care is pure vice. A +man should work for his livelihood chiefly in order not to become a +burden on others. In the same way he should take care of his health so +that he may avoid being a troublesome invalid, dependent on others' +compassion. To be ill is to acknowledge neglect of existing laws and +incapacity of resistance to evil." + +"You lay down a very hard and fast rule, Mr. Santoris"--said Dr. +Brayle--"Many unfortunate people are ill through no fault of their own." + +"Pardon me for my dogmatism when I say such a thing is +impossible"--answered Santoris--"If a human being starts his life in +health he cannot be ill UNLESS through some fault of his own. It may be +a moral or a physical fault, but the trespass against the law has been +made. And suppose him to be born with some inherited trouble, he can +eliminate even that from his blood if he so determines. Man was not +meant to be sickly, but strong--he is not intended to dwell on this +earth as a servant but as a master,--and all the elements of strength +and individual sovereignty are contained in Nature for his use and +advantage if he will but accept them as frankly as they are offered +ungrudgingly. I cannot grant you "--and he smiled--"even the smallest +amount of voluntary or intended mischief in the Divine plan!" + +At that moment Captain Derrick looked in at the saloon door to remind +us that the boat was still waiting to take our visitor back to his own +yacht. He rose at once, with a briefly courteous apology for having +stayed so long, and we all vent with him to see him off. It was +arranged that we were to join him on board his vessel next day, and +either take a sail with him along the island coast or else do the +excursion on foot to Loch Coruisk, which was a point not to be missed. +As we walked all together along the moonlit deck a chance moment placed +him by my side while the others were moving on ahead. I felt rather +than saw his eyes upon me, and looked up swiftly in obedience to his +compelling glance. There was a light of eloquent meaning in the +expression of his face, but he spoke in perfectly conventional tones:-- + +"I am glad to have met you at last,"--he said, quietly--"I have known +you by name--and in the spirit--a long time." + +I did not answer. My heart was beating rapidly with an excitation of +nameless joy and fear commingled. + +"To-morrow"--he went on--"we shall be able to talk together, I hope,--I +feel that there are many things in which we are mutually interested." + +Still I could not speak. + +"Sometimes it happens"--he continued, in a voice that trembled a +little--"that two people who are not immediately conscious of having +met before, feel on first introduction to each other as if they were +quite old friends. Is it not so?" + +I murmured a scarcely audible assent. + +He bent his head and looked at me searchingly,--a smile was on his lips +and his eyes were full of tenderness. + +"Till to-morrow is not long to wait,"--he said--"Not long--after so +many years! Good-night!" + +A sense of calm and sweet assurance swept over me. + +"Good-night!" I answered, with a smile of happy response to his +own--"Till to-morrow!" + +We were close to the gangway where the others already stood. In another +couple of minutes he had made his adieux to our whole party and was on +his way back to his own vessel. The boat in which he sat, rowed +strongly by our men, soon disappeared like a black blot on the general +darkness of the water, yet we remained for some time watching, as +though we could see it even when it was no longer visible. + +"A strange fellow!" said Dr. Brayle when we moved away at last, +flinging the end of his cigar over the yacht side--"Something of +madness and genius combined." + +Mr. Harland turned quickly upon him. + +"You mistake,"--he answered--"There's no madness, though there is +certainly genius. He's of the same mind as he was when I knew him at +college. There never was a saner or more brilliant scholar." + +"It's curious you should meet him again like this,"--said +Catherine--"But surely, father, he's not as old as you are?" + +"He's about three and a half years younger--that's all." + +Dr. Brayle laughed. + +"I don't believe it for a moment!" he said--"I think he's playing a +part. He's probably not the man you knew at Oxford at all." + +We were then going to our cabins for the night, and Mr. Harland paused +as these words were said and faced us. + +"He IS the man!"--he said, emphatically--"I had my doubts of him at +first, but I was wrong. As for 'playing a part,' that would be +impossible to him. He is absolutely truthful--almost to the verge of +cruelty!" A curious expression came into his eyes, as of hidden fear. +"In one way I am glad to have met him again--in another I am sorry. For +he is a disturber of the comfortable peace of conventions. You"--here +he regarded me suddenly, as if he had almost forgotten my +presence--"will like him. You have many ideas in common and will be +sure to get on well together. As for me, I am his direct opposite,--the +two poles are not wider apart than we are in our feelings, sentiments +and beliefs." He paused, seeming to be troubled by the passing cloud of +some painful thought--then he went on--"There is one thing I should +perhaps explain, especially to you, Brayle, to save useless argument. +It is, of course, a 'craze'--but craze or not, he is absolutely +immovable on one point which he calls the great Fact of Life,--that +there is and can be no Death,--that Life is eternal and therefore in +all its forms indestructible." + +"Does he consider himself immune from the common lot of mortals?" asked +Dr. Brayle, with a touch of derision. + +"He denies 'the common lot' altogether"--replied Mr. Harland--"For him, +each individual life is a perpetual succession of progressive changes, +and he holds that a change IS never and CAN never be made till the +person concerned has prepared the next 'costume' or mortal presentment +of immortal being, according to voluntary choice and liking." + +"Then he is mad!" exclaimed Catherine. "He must be mad!" + +I smiled. + +"Then I am mad too,"--I said--"For I believe as he does. May I say +good-night?" + +And with that I left them, glad to be alone with myself and my heart's +secret rapture. + + + + +VII + +MEMORIES + + +Perfect happiness is the soul's acceptance of a sense of joy without +question. And this is what I felt through all my being on that +never-to-be-forgotten night. Just as a tree may be glad of the soft +wind blowing its leaves, or a daisy in the grass may rejoice in the +warmth of the sun to which it opens its golden heart without either +being able to explain the delicious ecstasy, so I was the recipient of +light and exquisite felicity which could have no explanation or +analysis. I did not try to think,--it was enough for me simply to BE. I +realised, of course, that with the Harlands and their two paid +attendants, the materialist Dr. Brayle, and the secretarial machine, +Swinton, Rafel Santoris could have nothing in common,--and as I know, +by daily experience, that not even the most trifling event happens +without a predestined cause for its occurrence and a purpose in its +result, I was sure that the reason for his coming into touch with us at +all was to be found in connection, through some mysterious intuition, +with myself. However, as I say, I did not think about it,--I was +content to breathe the invigorating air of peace and serenity in which +my spirit seemed to float on wings. I slept like a child who is only +tired out with play and pleasure,--I woke like a child to whom the +world is all new and brimful of beauty. That it was a sunny day seemed +right and natural--clouds and rain could hardly have penetrated the +brilliant atmosphere in which I lived and moved. It was an atmosphere +of my own creating, of course, and therefore not liable to be disturbed +by storms unless I chose. It is possible for every human being to live +in the sunshine of the soul whatever may be the material surroundings +of the body. The so-called 'practical' person would have said to +me:--'Why are you happy?' There is no real cause for this sudden +elation. You think you have met someone who is in sympathy with your +tastes, ideas and feelings,--but you may be quite wrong, and this +bright wave of joy into which you are plunging heedlessly may fling you +bruised and broken on a desolate shore for the remainder of your life. +One would think you had fallen in love at first sight. + +To which I should have replied that there is no such thing as falling +in love at first sight,--that the very expression--'falling in +love'--conveys a false idea, and that what the world generally calls +'love' is not love at all. Moreover, there was nothing in my heart or +mind with regard to Rafel Santoris save a keen interest and sense of +friendship. I was sure that his beliefs were the same as mine, and that +he had been working along the same lines which I had endeavoured to +follow; and just as two musicians, inspired by a mutual love of their +art, may be glad to play their instruments together in time and tune, +even so I felt that he and I had met on a plane of thought where we had +both for a long time been separately wandering. + +The 'Dream' yacht, with its white sails spread ready for a cruise, was +as beautiful by day in the sunshine under a blue sky as by night with +its own electric radiance flashing its outline against the stars, and I +was eager to be on board. We were, however, delayed by an 'attack of +nerves' on the part of Catherine, who during the morning was seized +with a violent fit of hysteria to which she completely gave way, +sobbing, laughing and gasping for breath in a manner which showed her +to be quite unhinged and swept from self-control. Dr. Brayle took her +at once in charge, while Mr. Harland fumed and fretted, pacing up and +down in the saloon with an angry face and brooding eyes. He looked at +me where I stood waiting, ready dressed for the excursion of the day, +and said: + +"I'm sorry for all this worry. Catherine gets worse and worse. Her +nerves tear her to pieces." + +"She allows them to do so,"--I answered--"And Dr. Brayle allows her to +give them their way." + +He shrugged his shoulders. + +"You don't like Brayle,"--he said--"But he's clever, and he does his +best." + +"To keep his patients,"--I hinted, with a smile. + +He turned on his heel and faced me. + +"Well now, come!" he said--"Could YOU cure her?" + +"I could have cured her in the beginning,"--I replied, "But hardly now. +No one can cure her now but herself." + +He paced up and down again. + +"She won't be able to go with us to visit Santoris," he said--"I'm sure +of that." + +"Shall we put it off?" I suggested. + +His eyebrows went up in surprise at me. + +"Why no, certainly not. It will be a change for you and a pleasure of +which I would not deprive you. Besides, I want to go myself. But +Catherine--" + +Dr. Brayle here entered the saloon with his softest step and most +professional manner. + +"Miss Harland is better now,"--he said--"She will be quite calm in a +few minutes. But she must remain quiet. It will not be safe for her to +attempt any excursion today." + +"Well, that need not prevent the rest of us from going."--said Mr. +Harland. + +"Oh no, certainly not! In fact, Miss Harland said she hoped you would +go, and make her excuses to Mr. Santoris. I shall, of course, be in +attendance on her." + +"You won't come, then?"--and an unconscious look of relief brightened +Mr. Harland's features--"And as Swinton doesn't wish to join us, we +shall be only a party of three--Captain Derrick, myself and our little +friend here. We may as well be off. Is the boat ready?" + +We were informed that Mr. Santoris had sent his own boat and men to +fetch us, and that they had been waiting for some few minutes. We at +once prepared to go, and while Mr. Harland was getting his overcoat and +searching for his field-glasses, Dr. Brayle spoke to me in a low tone-- + +"The truth of the matter is that Miss Harland has been greatly upset by +the visit of Mr. Santoris and by some of the things he said last night. +She could not sleep, and was exceedingly troubled in her mind by the +most distressing thoughts. I am very glad she has decided not to see +him again to-day." + +"Do you consider his influence harmful?" I queried, somewhat amused. + +"I consider him not quite sane,"--Dr. Brayle answered, coldly--"And +highly nervous persons like Miss Harland are best without the society +of clever but wholly irresponsible theorists." + +The colour burned in my cheeks. + +"You include me in that category, of course,"--I said, quietly--"For I +said last night that if Mr. Santoris was mad, then I am too, for I hold +the same views." + +He smiled a superior smile. + +"There is no harm in you,"--he answered, condescendingly--"You may +think what you like,--you are only a woman. Very clever--very +charming--and full of the most delightful fancies,--but weighted +(fortunately) with the restrictions of your sex. I mean no offence, I +assure you,--but a woman's 'views,' whatever they are, are never +accepted by rational beings." + +I laughed. + +"I see! And rational beings must always be men!" I said--"You are quite +certain of that?" + +"In the fact that men ordain the world's government and progress, you +have your answer,"--he replied. + +"Alas, poor world!" I murmured--"Sometimes it rebels against the +'rationalism' of its rulers!" + +Just then Mr. Harland called me, and I hastened to join him and Captain +Derrick. The boat which was waiting for us was manned by four sailors +who wore white jerseys trimmed with scarlet, bearing the name of the +yacht to which they belonged--the 'Dream.' These men were dark-skinned +and dark-eyed,--we took them at first for Portuguese or Malays, but +they turned out to be from Egypt. They saluted us, but did not speak, +and as soon as we were seated, pulled swiftly away across the water. +Captain Derrick watched their movements with great interest and +curiosity. + +"Plenty of grit in those chaps,"--he said, aside to Mr. Harland--"Look +at their muscular arms! I suppose they don't speak a word of English." + +Mr. Harland thereupon tried one of them with a remark about the +weather. The man smiled--and the sudden gleam of his white teeth gave a +wonderful light and charm to his naturally grave cast of countenance. + +"Beautiful day!"--he said,--"Very happy sky!" + +This expression 'happy sky' attracted me. It recalled to my mind a +phrase I had once read in the translation of an inscription found in an +Egyptian sarcophagus--"The peace of the morning befriend thee, and the +light of the sunset and the happiness of the sky." The words rang in my +ears with an odd familiarity, like the verse of some poem loved and +learned by heart in childhood. + +In a very few minutes we were alongside the 'Dream' and soon on board, +where Rafel Santoris received us with kindly courtesy and warmth of +welcome. He expressed polite regret at the absence of Miss +Harland--none for that of Dr. Brayle or Mr. Swinton--and then +introduced us to his captain, an Italian named Marino Fazio, of whom +Santoris said to us, smilingly:-- + +"He is a scientist as well as a skipper--and he needs to be both in the +management of such a vessel as this. He will take Captain Derrick in +his charge and explain to him the mystery of our brilliant appearance +at night, and also the secret of our sailing without wind." + +Fazio saluted, and smiled a cheerful response. + +"Are you ready to start now?" he asked, speaking very good English with +just the slightest trace of a foreign accent. + +"Perfectly!" + +Fazio lifted his hand with a sign to the man at the wheel. Another +moment and the yacht began to move. Without the slightest +noise,--without the grinding of ropes, or rattling of chains, or +creaking boards, she swung gracefully round, and began to glide through +the water with a swiftness that was almost incredible. The sails +filled, though the air was intensely warm and stirless--an air in which +any ordinary schooner would have been hopelessly becalmed,--and almost +before we knew it we were out of Loch Scavaig and flying as though +borne on the wings of some great white bird, all along the wild and +picturesque coast of Skye towards Loch Bracadale. One of the most +remarkable features about the yacht was the extraordinary lightness +with which she skimmed the waves--she seemed to ride on their surface +rather than part them with her keel. Everything on board expressed the +finest taste as well as the most perfect convenience, and I saw Mr. +Plarland gazing about him in utter amazement at the elegant +sumptuousness of his surroundings. Santoris showed us all over the +vessel, talking to us with the ease of quite an old friend. + +"You know the familiar axiom,"--he said--"'Anything worth doing at all +is worth doing well.' The 'Dream' was first of all nothing but a dream +in my brain till I set to work with Fazio and made it a reality. Owing +to our discovery of the way in which to compel the waters to serve us +as our motive power, we have no blackening smoke or steam, so that our +furniture and fittings are preserved from dinginess and tarnish. It was +possible to have the saloon delicately painted, as you see,"--here he +opened the door of the apartment mentioned, and we stepped into it as +into a fairy palace. It was much loftier than the usual yacht saloon, +and on all sides the windows were oval shaped, set in between the most +exquisitely painted panels of sea pieces, evidently the work of some +great artist. Overhead the ceiling was draped with pale turquoise blue +silk forming a canopy, which was gathered in rich folds on all four +sides, having in its centre a crystal lamp in the shape of a star. + +"You live like a king"--then said Mr. Harland, a trifle bitterly--"You +know how to use your father's fortune." + +"My father's fortune was made to be used," answered Santoris, with +perfect good-humour--"And I think he is perfectly satisfied with my +mode of expending it. But very little of it has been touched. I have +made my own fortune." + +"Indeed! How?" And Harland looked as he evidently felt, keenly +interested. + +"Ah, that's asking too much of me!" laughed Santoris. "You may be +satisfied, however, that it's not through defrauding my neighbours. +It's comparatively easy to be rich if you have coaxed any of Mother +Nature's secrets out of her. She is very kind to her children, if they +are kind to her,--in fact, she spoils them, for the more they ask of +her the more she gives. Besides, every man should make his own money +even if he inherits wealth,--it is the only way to feel worthy of a +place in this beautiful, ever-working world." + +He preceded us out of the saloon and showed us the State-rooms, of +which there were five, daintily furnished in white and blue and white +and rose. + +"These are for my guests when I have any," he said, "Which is very +seldom. This for a princess--if ever one should honour me with her +presence!" + +And he opened a door on his right, through which we peered into a long, +lovely room, gleaming with iridescent hues and sparkling with touches +of gold and crystal. The bed was draped with cloudy lace through which +a shimmer of pale rose-colour made itself visible, and the carpet of +dark moss-green formed a perfect setting for the quaintly shaped +furniture, which was all of sandal-wood inlaid with ivory. On a small +table of carved ivory in the centre of the room lay a bunch of Madonna +lilies tied with a finely twisted cord of gold. We murmured our +admiration, and Santoris addressed himself directly to me for the first +time since we had come on board. + +"Will you go in and rest for a while till luncheon?" he said--"I placed +the lilies there for your acceptance." + +The colour rushed to my cheeks,--I looked up at him in a little +wonderment. + +"But I am not a princess!" + +His eyes smiled down into mine. + +"No? Then I must have dreamed you were!" + +My heart gave a quick throb,--some memory touched my brain, but what it +was I could not tell. Mr. Harland glanced at me and laughed. + +"What did I tell you the other day?" he said--"Did I not call you the +princess of a fairy tale? I was not far wrong!" + +They left me to myself then, and as I stood alone in the beautiful room +which had thus been placed at my disposal, a curious feeling came over +me that these luxurious surroundings were, after all, not new to my +experience. I had been accustomed to them for a great part of my life. +Stay!--how foolish of me!--'a great part of my life'?--then what part +of it? I briefly reviewed my own career,--a difficult and solitary +childhood,--the hard and uphill work which became my lot as soon as I +was old enough to work at all,--incessant study, and certainly no +surplus of riches. Then where had I known luxury? I sank into a chair, +dreamily considering. The floating scent of sandal-wood and the perfume +of lilies commingled was like the breath of an odorous garden in the +East, familiar to me long ago, and as I sat musing I became conscious +of a sudden inrush of power and sense of dominance which lifted me as +it were above myself, as though I had, without any warning, been given +the full control of a great kingdom and its people. Catching sight of +my own reflection in an opposite mirror, I was startled and almost +afraid at the expression of my face, the proud light in my eyes, the +smile on my lips. + +"What am I thinking of!" I said, half aloud--"I am not my true self +to-day,--some remnant of a cast-off pride has arisen in me and made me +less of a humble student. I must not yield to this overpowering demand +on my soul,--it is surely an evil suggestion which asserts itself like +the warning pain or fever of an impending disease. Can it be the +influence of Santoris? No!--I will never believe it!" + +And yet a vague uneasiness beset me, and I rose and paced about +restlessly,--then pausing where the lovely Madonna lilies lay on the +ivory table, I remembered they had been put there for me. I raised them +gently, inhaling their delicious fragrance, and as I did so, saw, lying +immediately underneath them, a golden Cross of a mystic shape I knew +well,--its upper half set on the face of a seven-pointed Star, also of +gold. With joy I took it up and kissed it reverently, and as I compared +it with the one I always secretly wore on my own person, I knew that +all was well, and that I need have no distrust of Rafel Santoris. No +injurious effect on my mind could possibly be exerted by his +influence--and I was thrown back on myself for a clue to that singular +wave of feeling, so entirely contrary to my own disposition, which had +for a moment overwhelmed me. I could not trace its source, but I +speedily conquered it. Fastening one of the snowy lilies in my +waistband, as a contrast to the bright bit of bell-heather which I +cherished even more than if it were a jewel, I presently went up on +deck, where I found my host, Mr. Harland, Captain Derrick and Marino +Fazio all talking animatedly together. + +"The mystery is cleared up,"--said Mr. Harland, addressing me as I +approached--"Captain Derrick is satisfied. He has learned how one of +the finest schooners he has ever seen can make full speed in any +weather without wind." + +"Oh no, I haven't learned how to do it,--I'm a long way off +that!"--said Derrick, good-humouredly--"But I've seen how it's done. +And it's marvellous! If that invention could be applied to all ships--" + +"Ah!--but first of all it would be necessary to instruct the +shipbuilders!"--put in Fazio--"They would have to learn their trade all +over again. Our yacht looks as though she were built on the same lines +as all yachts,--but you know--you have seen--she is entirely different!" + +Captain Derrick gave a nod of grave emphasis. Santoris meantime had +come to my side. Our glances met,--he saw that I had received and +understood the message of the lilies, and a light and colour came into +his eyes that made them beautiful. + +"Men have not yet fully enjoyed their heritage," he said, taking up the +conversation--"Our yacht's motive power seems complex, but in reality +it is very simple,--and the same force which propels this light vessel +would propel the biggest liner afloat. Nature has given us all the +materials for every kind of work and progress, physical and mental--but +because we do not at once comprehend them we deny their uses. Nothing +in the air, earth or water exists which we may not press into our +service,--and it is in the study of natural forces that we find our +conquest. What hundreds of years it took us to discover the wonders of +steam!--how the discoverer was mocked and laughed at!--yet it was not +really 'wonderful'--it was always there, waiting to be employed, and +wasted by mere lack of human effort. One can say the same of +electricity, sometimes called 'miraculous'--it is no miracle, but +perfectly common and natural, only we have, until now, failed to apply +it to our needs,--and even when wider disclosures of science are being +made to us every day, we still bar knowledge by obstinacy, and remain +in ignorance rather than learn. A few grains in weight of hydrogen have +power enough to raise a million tons to a height of more than three +hundred feet,--and if we could only find a way to liberate economically +and with discretion the various forces which Spirit and Matter contain, +we might change the whole occupation of man and make of him less a +labourer than thinker, less mortal than angel! The wildest fairy-tales +might come true, and earth be transformed into a paradise! And as for +motive power, in a thimbleful of concentrated fuel we might take the +largest ship across the widest ocean. I say if we could only find a +way! Some think they are finding it--" + +"You, for example?"--suggested Mr. Harland. + +He laughed. + +"I--if you like!--for example! Will you come to luncheon?" + +He led the way, and Mr. Harland and I followed. Captain Derrick, who I +saw was a little afraid of him, had arranged to take his luncheon with +Fazio and the other officers of the crew apart. We were waited upon by +dark-skinned men attired in the picturesque costume of the East, who +performed their duties with noiseless grace and swiftness. The yacht +had for some time slackened speed, and appeared to be merely floating +lazily on the surface of the calm water. We were told she could always +do this and make almost imperceptible headway, provided there was no +impending storm in the air. It seemed as if we were scarcely moving, +and the whole atmosphere surrounding us expressed the most delicious +tranquillity. The luncheon prepared for us was of the daintiest and +most elegant description, and Mr. Harland, who on account of his +ill-health seldom had any appetite, enjoyed it with a zest and +heartiness I had never seen him display before. He particularly +appreciated the wine, a rich, ruby-coloured beverage which was unlike +anything I had ever tasted. + +"There is nothing remarkable about it,"--said Santoris, I when +questioned as to its origin--"It is simply REAL wine,--though you may +say that of itself is remarkable, there being none in the market. It is +the pure juice of the grape, prepared in such a manner as to nourish +the blood without inflaming it. It can do you no harm,--in fact, for +you, Harland, it is an excellent thing." + +"Why for me in particular?" queried Harland, rather sharply. + +"Because you need it,"--answered Santoris--"My dear fellow, you are not +in the best of health. And you will never get better under your present +treatment." + +I looked up eagerly. + +"That is what I, too, have thought,"--I said--"only I dared not express +it!" + +Mr. Harland surveyed me with an amused smile. + +"Dared not! I know nothing you would not dare!--but with all your +boldness, you are full of mere theories,--and theories never made an +ill man well yet." + +Santoris exchanged a swift glance with me. Then he spoke:-- + +"Theory without practice is, of course, useless,"--he said--"But surely +you can see that this lady has reached a certain plane of thought on +which she herself dwells in health and content? And can she not serve +you as an object lesson?" + +"Not at all,"--replied Mr. Harland, almost testily--"She is a woman +whose life has been immersed in study and contemplation, and because +she has allowed herself to forego many of the world's pleasures she can +be made happy by a mere nothing--a handful of roses--or the sound of +sweet music--" + +"Are they 'nothings'?"--interrupted Santoris. + +"To business men they are--" + +"And business itself? Is it not also from some points of view a +'nothing'?" + +"Santoris, if you are going to be 'transcendental' I will have none of +you!" said Mr. Harland, with a vexed laugh--"What I wish to say is +merely this--that my little friend here, for whom I have a great +esteem, let me assure her!--is not really capable of forming an opinion +of the condition of a man like myself, nor can she judge of the +treatment likely to benefit me. She does not even know the nature of my +illness--but I can see that she has taken a dislike to my physician, +Brayle--" + +"I never 'take dislikes,' Mr. Harland,"--I interrupted, quickly--"I +merely trust to a guiding instinct which tells me when a man is sincere +or when he is acting a part. That's all." + +"Well, you've decided that Brayle is not sincere,"--he replied--"And +you hardly think him clever. But if you would consider the point +logically--you might enquire what motive could he possibly have for +playing the humbug with me?" + +Santoris smiled. + +"Oh, man of 'business'! YOU can ask that?" + +We were at the end of luncheon,--the servants had retired, and Mr. +Harland was sipping his coffee and smoking a cigar. + +"You can ask that?" he repeated--"You, a millionaire, with one daughter +who is your sole heiress, can ask what motive a man like +Brayle,--worldly, calculating and without heart--has in keeping you +both--both, I say--you and your daughter equally--in his medical +clutches?" + +Mr. Harland's sharp eyes flashed with a sudden menace. + +"If I thought--" he began--then he broke off. Presently he +resumed--"You are not aware of the true state of affairs, Santoris. +Wizard and scientist as you are, you cannot know everything! I need +constant medical attendance--and my disease is incurable--" + +"No!"--said Santoris, quietly--"Not incurable." + +A sudden hope illumined Harland's worn and haggard face. + +"Not incurable! But--my good fellow, you don't even know what it is!" + +"I do. I also know how it began, and when,--how it has progressed, and +how it will end. I know, too, how it can be checked--cut off in its +development, and utterly destroyed,--but the cure would depend on +yourself more than on Dr. Brayle or any other physician. At present no +good is being done and much harm. For instance, you are in pain now?" + +"I am--but how can you tell?" + +"By the small, almost imperceptible lines on your face which contract +quite unconsciously to yourself. I can stop that dreary suffering at +once for you, if you will let me." + +"Oh, I will 'let' you, certainly!" and Mr. Harland smiled +incredulously,--"But I think you over-estimate your abilities." + +"I was never a boaster,"--replied Santoris, cheerfully--"But you shall +keep whatever opinion you like of me." And he drew from his pocket a +tiny crystal phial set in a sheath of gold. "A touch of this in your +glass of wine will make you feel a new man." + +We watched him with strained attention as he carefully allowed two +small drops of liquid, bright and clear as dew to fall one after the +other into Mr. Harland's glass. + +"Now,"--he continued--"drink without fear, and say good-bye to all pain +for at least forty-eight hours." + +With a docility quite unusual to him Mr. Harland obeyed. + +"May I go on smoking?" he asked. + +"You may." + +A minute passed, and Mr. Harland's face expressed a sudden surprise and +relief. + +"Well! What now?" asked Santoris--"How is the pain?" + +"Gone!" he answered--"I can hardly believe it--but I'm bound to admit +it!" + +"That's right! And it will not come back--not to-day, at any rate, nor +to-morrow. Shall we go on deck now?" + +We assented. As we left the saloon he said: + +"You must see the glow of the sunset over Loch Coruisk. It's always a +fine sight and it promises to be specially fine this evening,--there +are so many picturesque clouds floating about. We are turning back to +Loch Scavaig,--and when we get there we can land and do the rest of the +excursion on foot. It's not much of a climb; will you feel equal to it?" + +This question he put to me personally. + +I smiled. + +"Of course! I feel equal to anything! Besides, I've been very lazy on +board the 'Diana,' taking no real exercise. A walk will do me good." + +Mr. Harland seated himself in one of the long reclining chairs which +were placed temptingly under an awning on deck. His eyes were clearer +and his face more composed than I had ever seen it. + +"Those drops you gave me are magical, Santoris!"--he said--"I wish +you'd let me have a supply!" + +Santoris stood looking down upon him kindly. + +"It would not be safe for you,"--he answered--"The remedy is a +sovereign one if used very rarely, and with extreme caution, but in +uninstructed hands it is dangerous. Its work is to stimulate certain +cells--at the same time (like all things taken in excess) it can +destroy them. Moreover, it would not agree with Dr. Brayle's medicines." + +"You really and truly think Brayle an impostor?" + +"Impostor is a strong word! No!--I will give him credit for believing +in himself up to a certain point. But of course he knows that the +so-called 'electric' treatment he is giving to your daughter is +perfectly worthless, just as he knows that she is not really ill." + +"Not really ill!" + +Mr. Harland almost bounced up in his chair, while I felt a secret +thrill of satisfaction. "Why, she's been a miserable, querulous invalid +for years--" + +"Since she broke off her engagement to a worthless rascal"--said +Santoris, calmly. "You see, I know all about it." + +I listened, astonished. How did he know, how could he know, the +intimate details of a life like Catherine's which could scarcely be of +interest to a man such as he was? + +"Your daughter's trouble is written on her face"--he went on--"Warped +affections, slain desires, disappointed hopes,--and neither the +strength nor the will to turn these troubles to blessings. Therefore +they resemble an army of malarious germs which are eating away her +moral fibre. Brayle knows that what she needs is the belief that +someone has an interest not only in her, but in the particularly morbid +view she has taught herself to take of life. He is actively showing +that interest. The rest is easy,--and will be easier when--well!--when +you are gone." + +Mr. Harland was silent, drawing slow whiffs from his cigar. After a +long pause, he said-- + +"You are prejudiced, and I think you are mistaken. You only saw the man +for a few minutes last night, and you know nothing of him--" + +"Nothing,--except what he is bound to reveal,"--answered Santoris. + +"What do you mean?" + +"You will not believe me if I tell you,"--and Santoris, drawing a chair +close to mine, sat down,--"Yet I am sure this lady, who is your friend +and guest, will corroborate what I say,--though, of course, you will +not believe HER! In fact, my dear Harland, as you have schooled +yourself to believe NOTHING, why urge me to point out a truth you +decline to accept? Had you lived in the time of Galileo you would have +been one of his torturers!" + +"I ask you to explain," said Mr. Harland, with a touch of +pique--"Whether I accept your explanation or not is my own affair." + +"Quite!" agreed Santoris, with a slight smile--"As I told you long ago +at Oxford, a man's life is his own affair entirely. He can do what he +likes with it. But he can no more command the RESULT of what he does +with it than the sun can conceal its rays. Each individual human being, +male and female alike, moves unconsciously in the light of +self-revealment, as though all his or her faults and virtues were +reflected like the colours in a prism, or were set out in a window for +passers-by to gaze upon. Fortunately for the general peace of society, +however, most passers-by are not gifted with the sight to see the +involuntary display." + +"You speak in enigmas," said Harland, impatiently--"And I'm not good at +guessing them." + +Santoris regarded him fixedly. His eyes were luminous and compassionate. + +"The simplest truths are to you 'enigmas,'" he said, regretfully--"A +pity it is so! You ask me what I mean when I say a man is 'bound to +reveal himself.' The process of self-revealment accompanies +self-existence, as much as the fragrance of a rose accompanies its +opening petals. You can never detach yourself from your own enveloping +aura neither in body nor in soul. Christ taught this when He +said:--'Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good +works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.' Your +'light'--remember!--that word 'light' is not used here as a figure of +speech but as a statement of fact. A positive 'light' surrounds you--it +is exhaled and produced by your physical and moral being,--and those +among us who have cultivated their inner organs of vision see IT before +they see YOU. It can be of the purest radiance,--equally it can be a +mere nebulous film,--but whatever the moral and physical condition of +the man or woman concerned it is always shown in the aura which each +separate individual expresses for himself or herself. In this way Dr. +Brayle reveals his nature to me as well as the chief tendency of his +thoughts,--in this way YOU reveal yourself and your present state of +health,--it is a proved test that cannot go wrong." + +Mr. Harland listened with his usual air of cynical tolerance and +incredulity. + +"I have heard this sort of nonsense before,"--he said--"I have even +read in otherwise reliable scientific journals about the 'auras' of +people affecting us with antipathies or sympathies for or against them. +But it's a merely fanciful suggestion and has no foundation in reality." + +"Why did you wish me to explain, then?" asked Santoris--"I can only +tell you what I know, and--what I see!" + +Harland moved restlessly, holding his cigar between his fingers and +looking at it curiously to avoid, as I thought, the steadfast +brilliancy of the compelling eyes that were fixed upon him. + +"These 'auras,'" he went on, indifferently, "are nothing but +suppositions. I grant you that certain discoveries are being made +concerning the luminosity of trees and plants which in some states of +the atmosphere give out rays of light,--but that human beings do the +same I decline to believe." + +"Of course!" and Santoris leaned back in his chair easily, as though at +once dismissing the subject from his mind--"A man born blind must needs +decline to believe in the pleasures of sight." + +Harland's wrinkled brow deepened its furrows in a frown. + +"Do you mean to tell me,--do you DARE to tell me"--he said--"that you +see any 'aura,' as you call it, round my personality?" + +"I do, most assuredly,"--answered Santoris--"I see it as distinctly as +I see yourself in the midst of it. But there is no actual light in +it,--it is mere grey mist,--a mist of miasma." + +"Thank you!" and Harland laughed harshly--"You are complimentary!" + +"Is it a time for compliments?" asked Santoris, with sudden +sternness--"Harland, would you have me tell you ALL?" + +Harland's face grew livid. He threw up his hand with a warning gesture. + +"No!" he said, almost violently. He clutched the arm of his chair with +a nervous grip, and for one instant looked like a hunted creature +caught red-handed in some act of crime. Recovering himself quickly, he +forced a smile. + +"What about our little friend's 'aura'?"-he queried, glancing at +me--"Does she 'express' herself in radiance?" + +Santoris did not reply for a moment. Then he turned his eyes towards me +almost wistfully. + +"She does!"--he answered--"I wish you could see her as I see her!" + +There was a moment's silence. My face grew warm, and I was vaguely +embarrassed, but I met his gaze fully and frankly. + +"And _I_ wish I could see myself as you see me,"--I said, half +laughingly--"For I am not in the least aware of my own aura." + +"It is not intended that anyone should be visibly aware of it in their +own personality,"--he answered--"But I think it is right we should +realise the existence of these radiant or cloudy exhalations which we +ourselves weave around ourselves, so that we may 'walk in the light as +children of the light.'" + +His voice sank to a grave and tender tone which checked Mr. Harland in +something he was evidently about to say, for he bit his lip and was +silent. + +I rose from my chair and moved away then, looking--from the smooth deck +of the 'Dream' shadowed by her full white sails out to the peaks of the +majestic hills whose picturesque beauties are sung in the wild strains +of Ossian, and the projecting crags, deep hollows and lofty pinnacles +outlining the coast with its numerous waterfalls, lochs and shadowy +creeks. A thin and delicate haze of mist hung over the land like a pale +violet veil through which the sun shot beams of rose and gold, giving a +vaporous unsubstantial effect to the scenery as though it were gliding +with us like a cloud pageant on the surface of the calm water. The +shores of Loch Scavaig began to be dimly seen in the distance, and +presently Captain Derrick approached Mr. Harland, spy-glass in hand. + +"The 'Diana' must have gone for a cruise,"--he said, in rather a +perturbed way--"As far as I can make out, there's no sign of her where +we left her this morning." + +Mr. Harland heard this indifferently. + +"Perhaps Catherine wished for a sail,"--he answered. "There are plenty +on board to manage the vessel. You're not anxious?" + +"Oh, not at all, sir, if you are satisfied,"--Derrick answered. + +Mr. Harland stretched himself luxuriously in his chair. + +"Personally, I don't mind where the 'Diana' has gone to for the +moment,"--he said, with a laugh--"I'm particularly comfortable where I +am. Santoris!" + +"Here!" And Santoris, who had stepped aside to give some order to one +of his men, came up at the call. + +"What do you say to leaving me on board while you and my little friend +go and see your sunset effect on Loch Coruisk by yourselves?" + +Santoris heard this suggestion with an amused look. + +"You don't care for sunsets?" + +"Oh yes, I do,--in a way. But I've seen so many of them--" + +"No two alike"--put in Santoris. + +"I daresay not. Still, I don't mind missing a few. Just now I should +like a sound sleep rather than a sunset. It's very unsociable, I +know,--but--" here he half closed his eyes and seemed inclined to doze +off there and then. + +Santoris turned to me. + +"What do you say? Can you put up with my company for an hour or two and +allow me to be your guide to Loch Coruisk? Or would you, too, rather +not see the sunset?", + +Our eyes met. A thrill of mingled joy and fear ran through me, and +again I felt that strange sense of power and dominance which had +previously overwhelmed me. + +"Indeed, I have set my heart on going to Loch Coruisk"--I answered, +lightly--"And I cannot let you off your promise to take me there! We +will leave Mr. Harland to his siesta." + +"You're sure you do not mind?"--said Harland, then, opening his eyes +drowsily--"You will be perfectly safe with Santoris." + +I smiled. I did not need that assurance. And I talked gaily with +Captain Derrick on the subject of the 'Diana' and the course of her +possible cruise, while he scanned the waters in search of her,--and I +watched with growing impatience our gradual approach to Loch Scavaig, +which in the bright afternoon looked scarcely less dreary than at +night, especially now that the 'Diana' was no longer there to give some +air of human occupation to the wild and barren surroundings. The sun +was well inclined towards the western horizon when the 'Dream' reached +her former moorings and noiselessly dropped anchor, and about twenty +minutes later the electric launch belonging to the vessel was lowered +and I entered it with Santoris, a couple of his men managing the boat +as it rushed through the dark steel-coloured water to the shore. + + + + +VIII + +VISIONS + + +The touch of the earth seemed strange to me after nearly a week spent +at sea, and as I sprang from the launch on to the rough rocks, aided by +Santoris, I was for a moment faint and giddy. The dark mountain summits +seemed to swirl round me,--and the glittering water, shining like +steel, had the weird effect of a great mirror in which a fluttering +vision of something undefined and undeclared rose and passed like a +breath. I recovered myself with an effort and stood still, trying to +control the foolish throbbing of my heart, while my companion gave a +few orders to his men in a language which I thought I knew, though I +could not follow it. + +"Are you speaking Gaelic?" I asked him, with a smile. + +"No!--only something very like it--Phoenician." + +He looked straight at me as he said this, and his eyes, darkly blue and +brilliant, expressed a world of suggestion. He went on:-- + +"All this country was familiar ground to the Phoenician colonists of +ages ago. I am sure you know that! The Gaelic tongue is the genuine +dialect of the ancient Phoenician Celtic, and when I speak the original +language to a Highlander who only knows his native Gaelic he +understands me perfectly." + +I was silent. We moved away from the shore, walking slowly side by +side. Presently I paused, looking back at the launch we had just left. + +"Your men are not Highlanders?" + +"No--they are from Egypt." + +"But surely,"--I said, with some hesitation--"Phoenician is no longer +known or spoken?" + +"Not by the world of ordinary men,"--he answered--"I know it and speak +it,--and so do most of those who serve me. You have heard it before, +only you do not quite remember." I looked at him, startled. He smiled, +adding gently:--"Nothing dies--not even a language!" + +We were not yet out of sight of the men. They had pushed the launch off +shore again and were starting it back to the yacht, it being arranged +that they should return for us in a couple of hours. We were following +a path among slippery stones near a rushing torrent, but as we turned +round a sharp bend we lost the view of Loch Scavaig itself and were for +the first time truly alone. Huge mountains, crowned with jagged +pinnacles, surrounded us on all sides,--here and there tufts of heather +clinging to large masses of dark stone blazed rose-purple in the +declining sunshine,--the hollow sound of the falling stream made a +perpetual crooning music in our ears, and the warm, stirless air seemed +breathless, as though hung in suspense above us waiting for the echo of +some word or whisper that should betray a life's secret. Such a silence +held us that it was almost unbearable,--every nerve in my body seemed +like a strained harp-string ready to snap at a touch,--and yet I could +not speak. I tried to get the mastery over the rising tide of thought, +memory and emotion that surged in my soul like a tempest--swiftly and +peremptorily I argued with myself that the extraordinary chaos of my +mind was only due to my own imaginings,--nevertheless, despite my +struggles, I remained caught as it were in a web that imprisoned every +faculty and sense,--a web fine as gossamer, yet unbreakable as iron. In +a kind of desperation I raised my eyes, burning with the heat of +restrained tears, and saw Santoris watching me with patient, almost +appealing tenderness. I felt that he could read my unexpressed trouble, +and involuntarily I stretched out my hands to him. + +"Tell me!" I half whispered-"What is it I must know? We are +strangers--and yet--" + +He caught my hands in his own. + +"Not strangers!" he said, his voice trembling a little--"You cannot say +that! Not strangers--but old friends!" + +The strong gentleness of his clasp recalled the warm pressure of the +invisible hands that had guided me out of darkness in my dream of a few +nights past. I looked up into his face, and every line of it became +suddenly, startlingly familiar. The deep-set blue eyes,--the broad +brows and intellectual features were all as well known to me as might +be the portrait of a beloved one to the lover, and my heart almost +stood still with the wonder and terror of the recognition. + +"Not strangers,"--he repeated, with quiet emphasis, as though to +reassure me--"Only since we last met we have travelled far asunder. +Have yet a little patience! You will presently remember me as well as I +remember you!" + +With the rush of startled recollection I found my voice. + +"I remember you now!"--I said, in low, unsteady tones--"I have seen you +often--often! But where? Tell me where? Oh, surely you know!" + +He still held my hands with the tenderest force,--and seemed, like +myself, to find speech difficult. If two deeply attached friends, +parted for many years, were all unexpectedly to meet in some solitary +place where neither had thought to see a living soul, their emotion +could hardly be keener than ours,--and yet--there was an invisible +barrier between us--a barrier erected either by him or by +myself,--something that held us apart. The sudden and overpowering +demand made upon our strength by the swift and subtle attraction which +drew us together was held in check by ourselves,--and it was as if we +were each separately surrounded by a circle across which neither of us +dared to pass. I looked at him in mingled fear and questioning--his +eyes were gravely thoughtful and full of light. + +"Yes, I know,"--he answered, at last, speaking very softly--while, +gently releasing one of my hands, he held the other--"I know,--but we +need not speak of that! As I have already said, you will remember all +by gradual degrees. We are never permitted to entirely forget. But it +is quite natural that now--at this immediate hour--we should find it +strange--you, perhaps, more than I--that something impels us one to the +other,--something that will not be gainsaid,--something that if all the +powers of earth and heaven could intervene, which by simplest law they +cannot, will take no denial!" + +I trembled, not with fear, but with an exquisite delight I dared not +pause to analyse. He pressed my hand more closely. + +"We had better walk on,"--he continued, averting his gaze from mine for +the moment--"If I say more just now I shall say too much--and you will +be frightened,--perhaps offended. I have been guilty of so many errors +in the past,--you must help me to avoid them in the future. Come!"--and +he turned his eyes again upon me with a smile--"Let us see the sunset!" + +We moved on for a few moments in absolute silence, he still holding my +hand and guiding me up the rough path we followed. The noise of the +rushing torrent sounded louder in my ears, sometimes with a clattering +insistence as though it sought to match itself against the surging of +my own quick blood in an endeavour to drown my thoughts. On we went and +still onward,--the path seemed interminable, though it was in reality a +very short journey. But there was such a weight of unutterable things +pressing on my soul like a pent-up storm craving for outlet, that every +step measured itself as almost a mile. + +At last we paused; we were in full view of Loch Coruisk and its weird +splendour. On all sides arose bare and lofty mountains, broken and +furrowed here and there by deep hollows and corries,--supremely grand +in their impressive desolation, uplifting their stony peaks around us +like the walls and turrets of a gigantic fortress, and rising so +abruptly and so impenetrably encompassing the black stretch of water +below, that it seemed impossible for a sunbeam to force its shining +entrance into such a circle of dense gloom. Yet there was a shower of +golden light pouring aslant down one of the highest of the hills, +brightening to vivid crimson stray clumps of heather, touching into +pale green some patches of moss and lichen, and giving the dazzling +flash of silver to the white wings of a sea-gull which soared above our +heads uttering wild cries like a creature in pain. Pale blue mists were +rising from the surface of the lake, and the fitful gusts of air that +rushed over the rocky summits played with these impalpable vapours +borne inland from the Atlantic, and tossed them to and fro into +fantastic shapes--some like flying forms with long hair streaming +behind them--some like armed warriors, hurtling their spears against +each other,--and some like veiled ghosts hurrying past as though driven +to their land of shadows by shuddering fear. We stood silently hand in +hand, watching the uneasy flitting of these cloud phantoms, and waiting +for the deepening glow, which, when it should spread upwards from the +rays of the sinking sun, would transform the wild, dark scene to one of +almost supernatural splendour. Suddenly Santoris spoke: + +"Now shall I tell you where we last met?" he asked, very gently--"And +may I show you the reasons why we meet again?" + +I lifted my eyes to his. My heart beat with suffocating quickness, and +thoughts were in my brain that threatened to overwhelm my small +remaining stock of self-control and make of me nothing but a creature +of tears and passion. I moved my lips in an effort to speak, but no +sound came from them. + +"Do not be afraid,"--he continued, in the same quiet tone--"It is true +that we must be careful now as in the past we were careless,--but +perfect comprehension of each other rests with ourselves. May I go on?" + +I gave a mute sign of assent. There was a rough craig near us, +curiously shaped like a sort of throne and canopy, the canopy being +formed by a thickly overhanging mass of rock and heather, and here he +made me sit down, placing himself beside me. From this point we +commanded a view of the head of the lake and the great mountain which +closes and dominates it,--and which now began to be illumined with a +strange witch-like glow of orange and purple, while a thin mist moved +slowly across it like the folds of a ghostly stage curtain preparing to +rise and display the first scene of some great drama. + +"Sometimes," he then said,--"it happens, even in the world of cold and +artificial convention, that a man and woman are brought together who, +to their own immediate consciousness, have had no previous acquaintance +with each other, and yet with the lightest touch, the swiftest glance +of an eye, a million vibrations are set quivering in them like +harp-strings struck by the hand of a master and responding each to each +in throbbing harmony and perfect tune. They do not know how it +happens--they only feel it is. Then, nothing--I repeat this with +emphasis--nothing can keep them apart. Soul rushes to soul,--heart +leaps to heart,--and all form and ceremony, custom and usage crumble +into dust before the power that overwhelms them. These sudden storms of +etheric vibration occur every day among the most ordinary surroundings +and with the most unlikely persons, and Society as at present +constituted frowns and shakes its head, or jeers at what it cannot +understand, calling such impetuosity folly, or worse, while remaining +wilfully blind to the fact that in its strangest aspect it is nothing +but the assertion of an Eternal Law. Moreover, it is a law that cannot +be set aside or broken with impunity. Just as the one point of +vibration sympathetically strikes the other in the system of wireless +telegraphy, so, despite millions and millions of intervening currents +and lines of divergence, the immortal soul-spark strikes its kindred +fire across a waste of worlds until they meet in the compelling flash +of that God's Message called Love!" + +He paused--then went on slowly:-- + +"No force can turn aside one from the other,--nothing can +intervene--not because it is either romance or reality, but simply +because it is a law. You understand?" + +I bent my head silently. + +"It may be thousands of years before such a meeting is +consummated,"--he continued--"For thousands of years are but hours in +the eternal countings. Yet in those thousands of years what lives must +be lived!--what lessons must be learned!--what sins committed and +expiated!--what precious time lost or found!--what happiness missed or +wasted!" + +His voice thrilled--and again he took my hand and held it gently +clasped. + +"You must believe in yourself alone,"--he said,--"if any lurking +thought suggests a disbelief in me! It is quite natural that you should +doubt me a little. You have studied long and deeply--you have worked +hard at problems which puzzle the strongest man's brain, and you have +succeeded in many things because you have kept what most men manage to +lose when grappling with Science,--Faith. You have always studied with +an uplifted heart--uplifted towards the things unseen and eternal. But +it has been a lonely heart, too,--as lonely as mine!" + +A moment's silence followed,--a silence that seemed heavy and dark, +like a passing cloud, and instinctively I looked up to see if indeed a +brooding storm was not above us. A heaven of splendid colour met my +gaze--the whole sky was lighted with a glory of gold and blue. But +below this flaming radiance there was a motionless mass of grey vapour, +hanging square as it seemed across the face of the lofty mountain at +the head of the lake, like a great canvas set ready for an artist's +pencil and prepared to receive the creation of his thought. I watched +this in a kind of absorbed fascination, conscious that the warm hand +holding mine had strengthened its close grasp,--when suddenly something +sharp and brilliant, like the glitter of a sword or a forked flash of +lightning, passed before my eyes with a dizzying sensation, and the +lake, the mountains, the whole landscape, vanished like a fleeting +mirage, and in all the visible air only the heavy curtain of mist +remained. I made an effort to move--to speak--in vain! I thought some +sudden illness must have seized me--yet no!--for the half-swooning +feeling that had for a moment unsteadied my nerves had already +passed--and I was calm enough. Yet I saw more plainly than I have ever +seen anything in visible Nature, a slowly moving, slowly passing +panorama of scenes and episodes that presented themselves in marvellous +outline and colouring,--pictures that were gradually unrolled and +spread out to my view on the grey background of that impalpable mist +which like a Shadow hung between myself and impenetrable Mystery, and I +realised to the full that an eternal record of every life is written +not only in sound, but in light, in colour, in tune, in mathematical +proportion and harmony,--and that not a word, not a thought, not an +action is forgotten! + +A vast forest rose before me. I saw the long shadows of the leafy +boughs flung thick upon the sward and the wild tropical vines hanging +rope-like from the intertwisted stems. A golden moon looked warmly in +between the giant branches, flooding the darkness of the scene with +rippling radiance, and within its light two human beings walked,--a man +and woman--their arms round each other,--their faces leaning close +together. The man seemed pleading with his companion for some favour +which she withheld, and presently she drew herself away from him +altogether with a decided movement of haughty rejection. I could not +see her face,--but her attire was regal and splendid, and on her head +there shone a jewelled diadem. Her lover stood apart for a moment with +bent head--then he threw himself on his knees before her and caught her +hand in an evident outburst of passionate entreaty. And while they +stood thus together, I saw the phantom-like figure of another woman +moving towards them--she came directly into the foreground of the +picture, her white garments clinging round her, her fair hair flung +loosely over her shoulders, and her whole demeanour expressing +eagerness and fear. As she approached, the man sprang up from his knees +and, with a gesture of fury, drew a dagger from his belt and plunged it +into her heart! I saw her reel back from the blow--I saw the red blood +well up through the whiteness of her clothing, and as she turned +towards her murderer, with a last look of appeal, I recognised MY OWN +FACE IN HERS!--and in his THE FACE OF SANTORIS! I uttered a cry,--or +thought I uttered it--a darkness swept over me--and the vision vanished! + + * * * + * * + * + +Another vivid flash struck my eyes, and I found myself looking upon the +crowded thoroughfares of a great city. Towers and temples, palaces and +bridges, presented themselves to my gaze in a network of interminable +width and architectural splendour, moving and swaying before me like a +wave glittering with a thousand sparkles uplifted to the light. +Presently this unsteadiness of movement resolved itself into form and +order, and I became, as it were, one unobserved spectator among +thousands, of a scene of picturesque magnificence. It seemed that I +stood in the enormous audience hall of a great palace, where there were +crowds of slaves, attendants and armed men,--on all sides arose huge +pillars of stone on which were carved the winged heads of monsters and +fabulous gods,--and looming out of the shadows I saw the shapes of four +giant Sphinxes which guarded a throne set high above the crowd. A +lambent light played quiveringly on the gorgeous picture, growing more +and more vivid as I looked, and throbbing with colour and motion,--and +I saw that on the throne there sat a woman crowned and veiled,--her +right hand held a sceptre blazing with gold and gems. Slaves clad in +costumes of the richest workmanship and design abased themselves on +either side of her, and I heard the clash of brazen cymbals and +war-like music, as the crowd of people surged and swayed, and murmured +and shouted, all apparently moved by some special excitement or +interest. Suddenly I perceived the object on which the general +attention was fixed--the swooning body of a man, heavily bound in +chains and lying at the foot of the throne. Beside him stood a tall +black slave, clad in vivid scarlet and masked,--this sinister-looking +creature held a gleaming dagger uplifted ready to strike,--and as I saw +this, a wild yearning arose in me to save the threatened life of the +bound and helpless victim. If I could only rush to defend and drag him +away from impending peril, I thought!--but no!--I was forced to stand +helplessly watching the scene, with every fibre of my brain burning +with pent-up anguish. At this moment, the crowned and veiled woman on +the throne suddenly rose and stood upright,--with a commanding gesture +she stretched out her glittering sceptre--the sign was given! Swiftly +the dagger gleamed through the air and struck its deadly blow straight +home! I turned away my eyes in shuddering horror,--but was compelled by +some invincible power to raise them again,--and the scene before me +glowed red as with the hue of blood--I saw the slain victim,--the +tumultuous crowd--and above all, the relentless Queen who, with one +movement of her little hand, had swept away a life,--and as I looked +upon her loathingly, she threw back her shrouding golden veil. MY OWN +FACE LOOKED FULL AT ME from under the jewelled arch of her sparkling +diadem--ah, wicked soul!--I wildly cried--pitiless Queen!--then, as +they lifted the body of the murdered man, his livid countenance was +turned towards me, and I saw again the face of Santoris! Dumb and +despairing I sank as it were within myself, chilled with inexplicable +misery, and I heard for the first time in this singular pageant of +vision a Voice--slow, calm, and thrilling with infinite sadness: + +"A life for a life!"--it said--"The old eternal law!--a life for a +life! There is nothing taken which shall not be returned again--nothing +lost which shall not be found--a life for a life!" + +Then came silence and utter darkness. + + * * * + * * + * + +Slowly brightening, slowly widening, a pale radiance like the earliest +glimmer of dawn stole gently on my eyes when I again raised them. I saw +the waving curve of a wide, sluggishly flowing river, and near it a +temple of red granite stood surrounded with shadowing foliage and +bright clumps of flowers. Huge palms lifted their fronded heads to the +sky, and on the edge of the quiet stream there loitered a group of +girls and women. One of these stood apart, sad and alone, the others +looking at her with something of pity and scorn. Near her was a tall +upright column of black basalt, as it seemed, bearing the sculptured +head of a god. The features were calm and strong and reposeful, +expressive of dignity, wisdom and power. And as I looked, more people +gathered together--I heard strains of solemn music pealing from the +temple close by--and I saw the solitary woman draw herself farther +apart and almost disappear among the shadows. The light grew brighter +in the east,--the sun shot a few advancing rays upward,--suddenly the +door of the temple was thrown open, and a long procession of priests +carrying flaming tapers and attended by boys in white garments and +crowned with flowers made their slow and stately way towards the column +with the god-like Head upon it and began to circle round it, chanting +as they walked, while the flower-crowned boys swung golden censers to +and fro, impregnating the air with rich perfume. The people all +knelt--and still the priests paced round and round, chanting and +murmuring prayers,--till at last the great sun lifted the edge of its +glowing disc above the horizon, and its rays springing from the east +like golden arrows, struck the brow of the Head set on its basalt +pedestal. With the sudden glitter of this morning glory the chanting +ceased,--the procession stopped; and one priest, tall and commanding of +aspect, stepped forth from the rest, holding up his hands to enjoin +silence. And then the Head quivered as with life,--its lips +moved--there was a rippling sound like the chord of a harp smitten by +the wind,--and a voice, full, sweet and resonant, spoke aloud the +words:-- + +"I face the Sunrise!" + +With a shout of joy priests and people responded: + +"We face the Sunrise!" + +And he who seemed the highest in authority, raising his arms invokingly +towards heaven, exclaimed: + +"Even so, O Mightiest among the Mighty, let us ever remember that Thy +Shadow is but part of Thy Light,--that Sorrow is but the passing humour +of Joy--and that Death is but the night which dawns again into Life! We +face the Sunrise!" + +Then all who were assembled joined in singing a strange half-barbaric +song and chorus of triumph, to the strains of which they slowly moved +off and disappeared like shapes breathed on a mirror and melting away. +Only the tall high priest remained,--and he stood alone, waiting, as it +were, for something eagerly expected and desired. And presently the +woman who had till now remained hidden among the shadows of the +surrounding trees, came swiftly forward. She was very pale--her eyes +shone with tears--and again I saw MY OWN FACE IN HERS. The priest +turned quickly to greet her, and I distinctly heard every word he spoke +as he caught her hands in his own and drew her towards him. + +"Everything in this world and the next I will resign," he said--"for +love of thee! Honour, dignity and this poor earth's renown I lay at thy +feet, thou most beloved of women! What other thing created or imagined +can be compared to the joy of thee?--to the sweetness of thy lips, the +softness of thy bosom--the love that trembles into confession with thy +smile! Imprison me but in thine arms and I will count my very soul well +lost for an hour of love with thee! Ah, deny me not!--turn me not away +from thee again!--love comes but once in life--such love as +ours!--early or late, but once!" + +She looked at him with tender passion and pity--a look in which I +thankfully saw there was no trace of pride, resentment or affected +injury. + +"Oh, my beloved!" she answered, and her voice, plaintive and sweet, +thrilled on the silence like a sob of pain--"Why wilt thou rush on +destruction for so poor a thing as I am? Knowest thou not, and wilt +thou not remember that, to a priest of thy great Order, the love of +woman is forbidden, and the punishment thereof is death? Already the +people view thee with suspicion and me with scorn--forbear, O dearest, +bravest soul!--be strong!" + +"Strong?" he echoed--"Is it not strong to love?--ay, the very best of +strength! For what avails the power of man if he may not bend a woman +to his will? Child, wherever love is there can be no death, but only +life! Love is as the ever-flowing torrent of eternity in my veins--the +pulse of everlasting youth and victory! What are the foolish creeds of +man compared with this one Truth of Nature--Love! Is not the Deity +Himself the Supreme Lover?--and wouldst thou have me a castaway from +His holiest ordinance? Ah no!--come to me, my beloved!--soul of my +soul--inmost core of my heart! Come to me in the silence when no one +sees and no one hears--come when--" + +He broke off, checked by her sudden smile and look of rapture. Some +thought had evidently, like a ray of light, cleared her doubts away. + +"So be it!" she said--"I give thee all myself from henceforth!--I will +come!" + +He uttered an exclamation of relief and joy, and drew her closer, till +her head rested on his breast and her loosened hair fell in a shower +across his arms. + +"At last!" he murmured--"At last! Mine--all mine this tender soul, this +passionate heart!--mine this exquisite life to do with as I will! O +crown of my best manhood!--when wilt thou come to me?" + +She answered at once without hesitation. + +"To-night!" she said--"To-night, when the moon rises, meet me here in +this very place,--this sacred grove where Memnon hears thy vows to him +broken, and my vows consecrated to thee!--and as I live I swear I will +be all thine! But now--leave me to pray!" + +She lifted her head and looked into his adoring eyes,--then kissed him +with a strange, grave tenderness as though bidding him farewell, and +with a gentle gesture motioned him away. Elated and flushed with joy, +he obeyed her sign, and left her, disappearing in the same phantom-like +way in which all the other figures in this weird dream-drama had made +their exit. She watched him go with a wistful yearning gaze--then in +apparent utter desperation she threw herself on her knees before the +impassive Head on its rocky pedestal and prayed aloud: + +"O hidden and unknown God whom we poor earthly creatures +symbolise!--give me the strength to love unselfishly--the patience to +endure uncomplainingly! Thou, Heart of Stone, temper with thy coldest +wisdom my poor throbbing heart of flesh! Help me to quell the tempest +in my soul, and let me be even as thou art--inflexible, +immovable,--save when the sun strikes music from thy dreaming brows and +tells thee it is day! Forgive, O great God, forgive the fault of my +beloved!--a fault which is not his, but mine, merely because I live and +he hath found me fair,--let all be well for him,--but for me let +nothing evermore be either well or ill--and teach me--even me--to face +the Sunrise!" + +Her voice ceased--a mist came before me for a moment--and when this +cleared, the same scene was presented to me under the glimmer of a +ghostly moon. And she who looked so like myself, lay dead at the foot +of the great Statue, her hands clasped on her breast, her eyes closed, +her mouth smiling as in sleep, while beside her raved and wept her +priestly lover, invoking her by every tender name, clasping her +lifeless body in his arms, covering her face with useless passionate +kisses, and calling her back with wild grief from the silence into +which her soul had fled. And I knew then that she had put all thought +of self aside in a sense of devotion to duty,--she had chosen what she +imagined to be the only way out of difficulty,--to save the honour of +her lover she had slain herself. But--was it wise? Or foolish? This +thought pressed itself insistently home to my mind. She had given her +life to serve a mistaken creed,--she had bowed to the conventions of a +temporary code of human law--yet--surely God was above all strange and +unnatural systems built up by man for his own immediate convenience, +vanity or advantage, and was not Love the nearest thing to God? And if +those two souls were destined lovers, COULD they be divided, even by +their own rashness? These questions were curiously urged upon my inward +consciousness as I looked again upon the poor fragile corpse among the +reeds and palms of the sluggishly flowing river, and heard the +clamorous despair of the man to whom she might have been joy, +inspiration and victory had not the world been then as it is not +now--the man, who as the light of the moonbeams fell upon him, showed +me in his haggard and miserable features the spectral likeness of +Santoris. Was it right, I asked myself, that the two perfect lines of a +mutual love should be swept asunder?--or if it was, as some might +conceive it, right according to certain temporary and conventional +views of 'rightness.' was it POSSIBLE to so sever them? Would it not be +well if we all occasionally remembered that there is an eternal law of +harmony between souls as between spheres?--and that if we ourselves +bring about a divergence we also bring about discord? And again,--that +if discord results by our inter-meddling, it is AGAINST THE LAW, and +must by the working of natural forces be resolved into concord again, +whether such resolvance take ten, a hundred, a thousand or ten thousand +years? Of what use, then, is the struggle we are for ever making in our +narrow and limited daily lives to resist the wise and holy teaching of +Nature? Is it not best to yield to the insistence of the music of life +while it sounds in our ears? For everything must come round to Nature's +way in the end--her way being God's way, and God's way the only way! So +I thought, as in half-dreaming fashion I watched the vision of the dead +woman and her despairing lover fade into the impenetrable shadows of +mystery veiling the record of the light beyond. + + * * * + * * + * + +Presently I became conscious of a deep murmuring sound tike the subdued +hum of many thousands of voices,--and lifting my eyes I saw the wide +circular sweep of a vast arena crowded with people. In the centre, and +well to the front of the uplifted tiers of seats, there was a gorgeous +pavilion of gold, draped with gaudy coloured silk and hung with +festoons of roses, wherein sat a heavily-built, brutish-looking man +royally robed and crowned, and wearing jewels In such profusion as to +seem literally clothed in flashing points of light. Beautiful women +were gathered round him,--boys with musical instruments crouched at his +feet--attendants stood on every hand to minister to his slightest call +or signal,--and all eyes were fixed upon him as upon some worshipped +god of a nation's idolatry. I felt and knew that I was looking upon the +'shadow-presentment' of the Roman tyrant Nero; and I wondered vaguely +how it chanced that he, in all the splendour of his wild and terrible +career of wickedness, should be brought into this phantasmagoria of +dream in which I and One Other alone seemed to be chiefly concerned. +There were strange noises in my ears,--the loud din of trumpets--the +softer sound of harps played enchantingly in some far-off distance--the +ever-increasing loud buzzing of the voices of the multitude--and then +all at once the roar as of angry wild beasts in impatience or pain. The +time of this vision seemed to be late afternoon--I thought I could see +a line of deep rose colour in a sky where the sun had lately set--the +flare of torches glimmered all round the arena and beyond it, striking +vivid brilliancy from the jewels on Nero's breast and throwing into +strong relief the groups of soldiers and people immediately around him. +I perceived now that the centre of the arena, previously empty, had +become the one spot on which the looks of the people began to turn--one +woman stood there all alone, clad in white, her arms crossed on her +breast. So still was she,--so apparently unconscious of her position, +that the mob, ever irritated by calmness, grew suddenly furious, and a +fierce cry arose:--"Ad leones! Ad leones!" The great Emperor stirred +from his indolent, half-reclining position and leaned forward with a +sudden look of interest on his lowering features,--and as he did so a +man attired in the costume of a gladiator entered the arena from one of +its side doors and with a calm step and assured demeanour walked up to +the front of the royal dais and there dropped on one knee. Then quickly +rising he drew himself erect and waited, his eyes fixed on the woman +who stood as immovably as a statue, apparently resigned to some +untoward fate. And again the vast crowd shouted "Ad leones! Ad leones!" +There came a heavy grating noise of drawn bolts and bars--the sound of +falling chains--then a savage animal roar--and two lean and ferocious +lions sprang into the arena, lashing their tails, their manes bristling +and their eyes aglare. Quick as thought, the gladiator stood in their +path--and I swiftly recognised the nature of the 'sport' that had +brought the Emperor and all this brave and glittering show of humanity +out to watch what to them was merely a 'sensation'--the life of a +Christian dashed out by the claws and fangs of wild beasts--a common +pastime, all unchecked by either the mercy of man or the intervention +of God! I understood as clearly as if the explanation had been +volunteered to me in so many words, that the woman who awaited her +death so immovably had only one chance of rescue, and that chance was +through the gladiator, who, to please the humour of the Emperor, had +been brought hither to combat and frighten them off their intended +victim,--the reward for him, if he succeeded, being the woman herself. +I gazed with aching, straining eyes on the wonderful dream-spectacle, +and my heart thrilled as I saw one of the lions stealthily approach the +solitary martyr and prepare to spring. Like lightning, the gladiator +was upon the famished brute, fighting it back in a fierce and horrible +contest, while the second lion, pouncing forward and bent on a similar +attack, was similarly repulsed. The battle between man and beasts was +furious, prolonged and terrible to witness--and the excitement became +intense. "Ad leones! Ad leones!" was now the universal wild shout, +rising ever louder and louder into an almost frantic clamour. The woman +meanwhile never stirred from her place--she might have been frozen to +the ground where she stood. She appeared to notice neither the lions +who were ready to devour her, nor the gladiator who combated them in +her defence--and I studied her strangely impassive figure with keen +interest, waiting to see her face,--for I instinctively felt I should +recognise it. Presently, as though in response to my thought, she +turned towards me,--and as in a mirror I saw MY OWN REFLECTED +PERSONALITY again as I had seen it so many times in this chain of +strange episodes with which I was so singularly concerned though still +an outside spectator. Between her Shadow-figure and what I felt of my +own existing Self there seemed to be a pale connecting line of light, +and all my being thrilled towards her with a curiously vague anxiety. A +swirling mist came before my eyes suddenly,--and when this cleared I +saw that the combat was over--the lions lay dead and weltering in their +blood on the trampled sand of the arena, and the victorious gladiator +stood near their prone bodies triumphant, amid the deafening cheers of +the crowd. Wreaths of flowers were tossed to him from the people, who +stood up in their seats all round the great circle to hail him with +their acclamations, and the Emperor, lifting his unwieldy body from +under his canopy of gold, stretched out his hand as a sign that the +prize which the dauntless combatant had fought to win was his. He at +once obeyed the signal;--but now the woman, hitherto so passive and +immovable, stirred. Fixing upon the gladiator a glance of the deepest +reproach and anguish, she raised her arms warningly as though +forbidding him to approach her--and then fell face forward on the +ground. He rushed to her side, and kneeling down sought to lift +her;--then suddenly he sprang erect with a loud cry:-- + +"Great Emperor! I asked of thee a living love!--and this is dead!" + +A ripple of laughter ran through the crowd. The Emperor leaned forward +from his throne and smiled. + +"Thank your Christian God for that!" he said--"Our pagan deities are +kinder! They give us love for love!" + +The gladiator gave a wild gesture of despair and turned his face upward +to the light--THE FACE OF SANTORIS! + +"Dead!--dead!"--he cried--"Of what use then is life? Dark are the +beloved eyes!--cold is the generous heart!--the fight has been in +vain--my victory mocks me with its triumph! The world is empty!" + +Again the laughter of the populace stirred the air. + +"Go to, man!"--and the rough voice of Nero sounded harshly above the +murmurous din--"The world was never the worse for one woman the less! +Wouldst thou also be a Christian? Take heed! Our lions are still +hungry! Thy love is dead, 'tis true, but WE have not killed her! She +trusted in her God, and He has robbed thee of thy lawful possession. +Blame Him, not us! Go hence, with thy laurels bravely won! Nero +commends thy prowess!" + +He flung a purse of gold at the gladiator's feet--and then I saw the +whole scene melt away into a confused mass of light and colour till all +was merely a pearl-grey haze floating before my eyes. Yet I was hardly +allowed a moment's respite before another scene presented itself like a +painting upon the curtain of vapour which hung so persistently in front +of me--a scene which struck a closer chord upon my memory than any I +had yet beheld. + + * * * + * * + * + +The cool, spacious interior of a marble-pillared hall or studio slowly +disclosed itself to my view--it was open to an enchanting vista of +terraced gardens and dark undulating woods, and gay parterres of +brilliant blossom were spread in front of it like a wonderfully +patterned carpet of intricate and exquisite design. Within it was all +the picturesque grace and confusion of an artist's surroundings; and at +a great easel, working assiduously, was one who seemed to be the artist +himself, his face turned from me towards his canvas. Posed before him, +in an attitude of indolent grace, was a woman, arrayed in clinging +diaphanous drapery, a few priceless jewels gleaming here and there like +stars upon her bosom and arms--her hair, falling in loose waves from a +band of pale blue velvet fastened across it, was of a warm brown hue +like an autumn leaf with the sun upon it, and I could see that whatever +she might be according to the strictest canons of beauty, the man who +was painting her portrait considered her more than beautiful. I heard +his voice, in the low, murmurous yet perfectly distinct way in which +all sounds were conveyed to me in this dream pageant--it was exactly as +if persons on the stage were speaking to an audience. + +"If we could understand each other,"--he said--"I think all would be +well with us in time and eternity!" + +There was a pause. The picturesque scene before me seemed to glow and +gather intensity as I gazed. + +"If you could see what is in my heart,"--he continued--"you would be +satisfied that no greater love was ever given to woman than mine for +you! Yet I would not say I give it to you--for I have striven against +it." He paused--and when he spoke again his words were so distinct that +they seemed close to my ears. + +"It has been wrung out of my very blood and soul--I can no more resist +it than I can resist the force of the air by which I live and breathe. +I ought not to love you,--you are a joy forbidden to me--and yet I +feel, rightly speaking, that you are already mine--that you belong to +me as the other half of myself, and that this has been so from the +beginning when God first ordained the mating of souls. I tell you I +FEEL this, but cannot explain it,--and I grasp at you as my one hope of +joy!--I cannot let you go!" + +She was silent, save for a deep sigh that stirred her bosom under its +folded lace and made her jewels sparkle like sunbeams on the sea. + +"If I lose you now, having known and loved you," he went on--"I lose my +art. Not that this would matter--" + +Her voice trembled on the air. + +"It would matter a great deal"--she said, softly--"to the world!" + +"The world!" he echoed--"What need I care for it? Nothing seems of +value to me where you are not--I am nerveless, senseless, hopeless +without you. My inspiration--such as it is--comes from you--" + +She moved restlessly--her face was turned slightly away so that I could +not see it. + +"My inspiration comes from you,"--he repeated--"The tender look of your +eyes fills me with dreams which might--I do not say would--realise +themselves in a life's renown--but all this is perhaps nothing to you. +What, after all, can I offer you? Nothing but love! And here in +Florence you could command more lovers than there are days in the week, +did you choose--but people say you are untouchable by love even at its +best. Now I--" + +Here he stopped abruptly and laid down his brush, looking full at her. + +"I," he continued--"love you at neither best nor worst, but simply and +entirely with all of myself--all that a man can be in passionate heart, +soul and body!" + +(How the words rang out! I could have sworn they were spoken close +beside me and not by dream-voices in a dream!) + +"If you loved me--ah God!--what that would mean! If you dared to brave +everything--if you had the courage of love to break down all barriers +between yourself and me!--but you will not do this--the sacrifice would +be too great--too unusual--" + +"You think it would?" + +The question was scarcely breathed. A look of sudden amazement +lightened his face--then he replied, gently-- + +"I think it would! Women are impulsive,--generous to a fault--they give +what they afterwards regret--who can blame them! You have much to lose +by such a sacrifice as I should ask of you--I have all to gain. I must +not be selfish. But I love you!--and your love would be to more than +the hope of Heaven!" + +And now strange echoes of a modern poet's rhyme became mingled in my +dream: + + "You have chosen and clung to the chance they sent you-- + Life sweet as perfume and pure as prayer, + But will it not one day in heaven repent you? + Will they solace you wholly, the days that were? + Will you lift up your eyes between sadness and bliss, + Meet mine and see where the great love is? + And tremble and turn and be changed?--Content you; + The gate is strait; I shall not be there. + + Yet I know this well; were you once sealed mine, + Mine in the blood's beat, mine in the breath, + Mixed into me as honey in wine, + Not time that sayeth and gainsayeth, + Nor all strong things had severed us then, + Not wrath of gods nor wisdom of men, + Nor all things earthly nor all divine, + Nor joy nor sorrow, nor life nor death!" + +I watched with a deepening thrill of anxiety the scene in the studio, +and my thoughts centred themselves upon the woman who sat there so +quietly, seeming all unmoved by the knowledge that she held a man's +life and future fame in her hands. The artist took up his palette and +brushes again and began to work swiftly, his hand trembling a little. + +"You have my whole confession now!"--he said--"You know that you are +the eyes of the world to me--the glory of the sun and the moon! All my +art is in your smile--all my life responds to your touch. Without you I +am--can be nothing--Cosmo de Medicis--" + +At this name a kind of shadow crept upon the scene, together with a +sense of cold. + +"Cosmo de Medicis"--he repeated, slowly--"my patron, would scarcely +thank me for the avowals I have made to his fair ward!--one whom he +intends to honour with his own alliance. I am here by his order to +paint the portrait of his future bride!--not to look at her with the +eyes of a lover. But the task is too difficult--" + +A little sound escaped her, like a smothered cry of pain. He turned +towards her. + +"Something in your face,"--he said--"a touch of longing in your sweet +eyes, has made me risk telling you all, so that you may at least choose +your own way of love and life--for there is no real life without love." + +Suddenly she rose and confronted him--and once again, as in a magic +mirror, I saw MY OWN REFLECTED PERSONALITY. There were tears in her +eyes,--yet a smile quivered on her mouth. + +"My beloved!"--she said--and then paused, as if afraid. + +A look of wonder and rapture came on his face like the light of +sunrise, and I RECOGNISED THE NOW FAMILIAR FEATURES OF SANTORIS! Very +gently he laid down his palette and brushes and stood waiting in a kind +of half expectancy, half doubt. + +"My beloved!" she repeated--"Have you not seen?--do you not know? O my +genius!--my angel!--am I so hard to read?--so difficult to win?" + +Her voice broke in a sob--she made an uncertain step forward, and he +sprang to meet her. + +"I love you, love you!"--she cried, passionately--"Let the whole world +forsake me, if only you remain! I am all yours!--do with me as you +will!" + +He caught her in his arms--straining her to his heart with all the +passion of a long-denied lover's embrace--their lips met--and for a +brief space they were lost in that sudden and divine rapture that comes +but once in a lifetime,--when like a shivering sense of cold the name +again was whispered: + +"Cosmo de Medicis!" + +A shadow fell across the scene, and a woman, dark and heavy-featured, +stood like a blot in the sunlit brightness of the studio,--a woman very +richly attired, who gazed fixedly at the lovers with round, suspicious +eyes and a sneering smile. The artist turned and saw her--his face +changed from joy to a pale anxiety--yet, holding his love with one arm, +he flung defiance at her with uplifted head and fearless demeanour. + +"Spy!"--he exclaimed--"Do your worst! Let us have an end of your +serpent vigilance and perfidy!--better death than the constant sight of +you! What! Have you not watched us long enough to make discovery easy? +Do your worst, I say, and quickly!" + +The cruel smile deepened on the woman's mouth,--she made no answer, but +simply raised her hand. In immediate obedience to the signal, a man, +clad in the Florentine dress of the sixteenth century, and wearing a +singular collar of jewels, stepped out from behind a curtain, attended +by two other men, who, by their dress, were, or seemed to be, of +inferior rank. Without a word, these three threw themselves upon the +unarmed and defenceless painter with the fury of wild animals pouncing +on prey. There was a brief and breathless struggle--three daggers +gleamed in air--a shriek rang through the stillness--another instant +and the victim lay dead, stabbed to the heart, while she who had just +clung to his living body and felt the warmth of his living lips against +hers, dropped on her knees beside the corpse with wild waitings of +madness and despair. + +"Another crime on your soul, Cosmo de Medicis!"--she cried--"Another +murder of a nobler life than your own!--may Heaven curse you for it! +But you have not parted my love from me--no!--you have but united us +for ever! We escape you and your spies--thus!" + +And snatching a dagger from the hand of one of the assassins before he +could prevent her, she plunged it into her own breast. She fell without +a groan, self-slain,--and I saw, as in a mist of breath on a mirror, +the sudden horror on the faces of the men and the one woman who were +left to contemplate the ghastly deed they had committed. And +then--noting as in some old blurred picture the features of the man who +wore the collar of jewels, I felt that I knew him--yet I could not +place him in any corner of my immediate recognition. Gradually this +strange scene of cool white marble vastness with its brilliant vista of +flowers and foliage under the bright Italian sky, and the betrayed +lovers lying dead beside each other in the presence of their murderers, +passed away like a floating cloud,--and the same slow, calm Voice I had +heard once before now spoke again in sad, stern accents: + +"Jealousy is cruel as the grave!--the coals thereof are coals of fire +which hath a most vehement flame! Many waters cannot quench love, +neither can the floods drown it--if a man would give all his substance +for love it would be utterly contemned!" + + * * * + * * + * + +I closed my eyes,--or thought I closed them--a vague terror was growing +upon me,--a terror of myself and a still greater terror of the man +beside me who held my hand,--yet something prevented me from turning my +head to look at him, and another still stronger emotion possessed me +with a force so overpowering that I could hardly breathe under the +weight and pain of it, but I could give it no name. I could not think +at all--and I had ceased even to wonder at the strangeness and variety +of these visions or dream-episodes full of colour and sound which +succeeded each other so swiftly. Therefore it hardly seemed remarkable +to me when I saw the heavy curtain of mist which hung in front of my +eyes suddenly reft asunder in many places and broken into a semblance +of the sea. + + * * * + * * + * + +A wild sea! Gloomily grey and grand in its onsweeping wrath, its huge +billows rose and fell like moving mountains convulsed by an +earthquake,--light and shadow combated against each other in its dark +abysmal depths and among its toppling crests of foam--I could hear the +savage hiss and boom of breakers dashing themselves to pieces on some +unseen rocky coast far away,--and my heart grew cold with dread as I +beheld a ship in full sail struggling against the heavy onslaught of +the wind on that heaving wilderness of waters, like a mere feather lost +from a sea-gull's wing. Flying along like a hunted creature she +staggered and plunged, her bowsprit dipping into deep chasms from which +she was tossed shudderingly upward again as in light contempt, and as +she came nearer and nearer into my view I could discern some of the +human beings on board--the man at the wheel, with keen eyes peering +into the gathering gloom of the storm, his hair and face dashed with +spray,--the sailors, fighting hard to save the rigging from being torn +to pieces and flung into the sea,--then--a sudden huge wave swept her +directly in front of me, and I saw the two distinct personalities that +had been so constantly presented to me during this strange +experience,--THE MAN WITH THE FACE OF SANTORIS--THE WOMAN WITH MY OWN +FACE SO TRULY REFLECTED that I might have been looking at myself in a +mirror. And just now the resemblance to us both was made more close and +striking than it had been in any of the previous visions--that is to +say, the likenesses of ourselves were given almost as we now existed. +The man held the woman beside him closely clasped with one arm, +supporting her and himself, with the other thrown round one of the +shaking masts. I saw her look up to him with the light of a great and +passionate love in her eyes. And I heard him say:-- + +"The end of sorrow and the beginning of joy! You are not afraid?" + +"Afraid?" And her voice had no tremor--"With you?" + +He caught her closer to his heart and kissed her not once but many +times in a kind of mingled rapture and despair. + +"This is death, my beloved!"--he said. + +And her answer pealed out with tender certainty. "No!--not death, but +life!--and love!" + +A cry went up from the sailors--a cry of heartrending agony,--a mass of +enormous billows rolling steadily on together hurled themselves like +giant assassins upon the frail and helpless vessel and engulfed it--it +disappeared with awful swiftness, like a small blot on the ocean sucked +down into the whirl of water--the vast and solemn greyness of the sea +spread over it like a pall--it was a nothing, gone into nothingness! I +watched one giant wave rise in a crystalline glitter of dark sapphire +and curl over the spot where all that human life and human love had +disappeared,--and then--there came upon my soul a sudden sense of +intense calm. The great sea smoothed itself out before my eyes into +fine ripples which dispersed gradually into mist again--and almost I +found my voice--almost my lips opened to ask: "What means this vision +of the sea?" when a sound of music checked me on the verge of +utterance--the music of delicate strings as of a thousand harps in +heaven. I listened with every sense caught and entranced--my gaze still +fixed half unseeingly upon the heavy grey film which hung before +me--that mystic sky-canvas upon which some Divine painter had depicted +in life-like form and colour scenes which I, in a sort of dim +strangeness, recognised yet could not understand--and as I looked a +rainbow, with every hue intensified to such a burning depth of +brilliancy that its light was almost intolerably dazzling, sprang in a +perfect arch across the cloud! I uttered an involuntary cry of +rapture--for it was like no earthly rainbow I had ever seen. Its +palpitating radiance seemed to penetrate into the very core and centre +of space,--aerially delicate yet deep, each separate colour glowed with +the fervent splendour of a heaven undreamed of by mere mortality and +too glorious for mortal description. It was the shining repentance of +the storm,--the assurance of joy after sorrow--the passionate love of +the soul rising upwards in perfect form and beauty after long +imprisonment in ice-bound depths of repression and solitude--it was +anything and everything that could be thought or imagined of divinest +promise! + +My heart beat quickly--tears sprang to my eyes--and almost +unconsciously I pressed the kind, strong hand that held mine. It +trembled ever so slightly--but I was too absorbed in watching that +triumphal arch across the sky to heed the movement. By degrees the +lustrous hues began to pale very slowly, and almost imperceptibly they +grew fainter and fainter till at last all was misty grey as before, +save in one place where there were long rays of light like the falling +of silvery rain. And then came strange rapidly passing scenes as of +cloud forms constantly shifting and changing, in all of which I +discerned the same two personalities so like and yet so unlike +ourselves who were the dumb witnesses of every episode,--but everything +now passed in absolute silence--there was no mysterious music,--the +voices had ceased--all was mute. + +Suddenly there came a change over the face of what I thought the +sky--the clouds were torn asunder as it were to show a breadth of +burning amber and rose, and I beheld the semblance of a great closed +Gateway barred across as with gold. Here a figure slowly shaped +itself,--the figure of a woman who knelt against the closed barrier +with hands clasped and uplifted in pitiful beseeching. So strangely +desolate and solitary was her aspect in all that heavenly brilliancy +that I could almost have wept for her, shut out as she seemed from some +mystic unknown glory. Round her swept the great circle of the +heavens--beneath her and above her were the deserts of infinite +space--and she, a fragile soul rendered immortal by quenchless fires of +love and hope and memory, hovered between the deeps of immeasurable +vastness like a fluttering leaf or flake of snow! My heart ached for +her--my lips moved unconsciously in prayer: + +"O leave her not always exiled and alone!" I murmured, inwardly--"Dear +God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let her in! She has waited so long!" + +The hand holding mine strengthened its clasp,--and the warm, close +pressure sent a thrill through my veins. Almost I would have turned to +look at my companion--had I not suddenly seen the closed gateway in the +heavens begin to open slowly, allowing a flood of golden radiance to +pour out like the steady flowing of a broad stream. The kneeling +woman's figure remained plainly discernible, but seemed to be gradually +melting into the light which surrounded it. And then--something--I know +not what--shook me down from the pinnacle of vision,--hardly aware of +my own action, I withdrew my hand from my companion's, and saw--just +the solemn grandeur of Loch Coruisk, with a deep amber glow streaming +over the summit of the mountains, flung upward by the setting sun! +Nothing more!--I heaved an involuntary sigh--and at last, with some +little hesitation and dread, looked full at Santoris. His eyes met mine +steadfastly--he was very pale. So we faced each other for a +moment--then he said, quietly:-- + +"How quickly the time has passed! This is the best moment of the +sunset,--when that glory fades we shall have seen all!" + + + + +IX + +DOUBTFUL DESTINY + + +His voice was calm and conventional, yet I thought I detected a thrill +of sadness in it which touched me to a kind of inexplicable remorse, +and I turned to him quickly, hardly conscious of the words I uttered. + +"Must the glory fade?"--I said, almost pleadingly--"Why should it not +remain with us?" + +He did not reply at once. A shadow of something like sternness clouded +his brows, and I began to be afraid--yet afraid of what? Not of +him--but of myself, lest I should unwittingly lose all I had gained. +But then the question presented itself--What had I gained? Could I +explain it, even to myself? There was nothing in any way tangible of +which to say--"I possess this," or "I have secured that,"--for, +reducing all circumstances to a prosaic level, all that I knew was that +I had met in my present companion a man who had a singular, almost +compelling attractiveness, and with whose personality I seemed to be +familiar; also, that under some power which he might possibly have +exerted, I had in an unexpected place and at an unexpected time seen +certain visions or 'impressions' which might or might not be the +working of my own brain under a temporary magnetic influence. I was +fully aware that such things could happen--and yet--I was not by any +means sure that they had so happened in this case. And while I was thus +hurriedly trying to think out the problem, he replied to my question. + +"That depends on ourselves,"--he said--"On you perhaps more than any +other." + +I looked up at him wonderingly. + +"On me?" I echoed. + +He smiled a little. + +"Why, yes! A woman always decides." + +I turned my eyes again towards the sky. Long lines of delicate pale +blue and green were now intermingled with the amber light of the +after-glow, and the whole scene was one of indescribable grandeur and +beauty. + +"I wish I could understand,"--I murmured. + +"Let me help you,"--he said, gently. "Possibly I can make things +clearer for you. You are just now under the spell of your own psychic +impressions and memories. You think you have seen strange +episodes--these are nothing but pictures stored far away back in the +cells of your spiritual brain, which (through the medium of your +present material brain) project on your vision not only presentments +and reflections of past scenes and events, but which also reproduce the +very words and sounds attending those scenes and events. That is all. +Loch Coruisk has shown you nothing but itself in varying effects of +light and cloud--there is no mystery here but the everlasting mystery +of Nature in which you and I play our several parts. What you have seen +or heard I do not know--for each individual experience is and always +must be different. All that I am fully conscious of is, that our having +met and our being here together to-day is, as it were, the mending of a +broken chain. But it rests with you--and even with me--to break it once +more if we choose." + +I was silent, not because I could not but because I dared not speak. +All my life seemed suddenly to hang on the point of a hair's-breadth of +possibility. + +"I think,"--he continued in the same quiet voice--"that just now we may +let things take their ordinary course. You and I"--here he paused, and +impelled by some secret emotion I lifted my eyes to his. Instinctively, +and with a rush of feeling, we stretched out our hands to each other. +He clasped mine in his own, and stooping his head kissed them tenderly. +"You and I,"--he went on--"have met before in many a phase of life and +on many a plane of thought--and I believe we know and realise this. Let +us be satisfied so far--and if destiny has anything of happiness or +wisdom in store for us let us try to assist its fulfilment and not +stand in the way." + +I found my voice suddenly. + +"But--if others stand in the way?"--I said. + +He smiled. + +"Surely it will be our own fault if we allow them to assume such a +position!" he answered. + +I left my hands in his another moment. The fact that he held them gave +me a sense of peace and security. + +"Sometimes on a long walk through field and forest," I said, +softly--"one may miss the nearest road home. And one is glad to be told +which path to follow--" + +"Yes,"--he interrupted me--"One is glad to be told!" + +His eyes were bent upon me with an enigmatical expression, half +commanding, half appealing. + +"Then, will you tell me--" I began. + +"All that I can!" he said, drawing me a little closer towards him--"All +that I may! And you--you must tell me--" + +"I! What can I tell you?" and I smiled--"I know nothing!" + +"You know one thing which is all things,"--he answered--"But for that I +must still wait." + +He let go my hands and turned away, shading his eyes from the glare of +gold which now spread far and wide over the heavens, turning the sullen +waters of Loch Coruisk to a tawny orange against the black purple of +the surrounding hills. + +"I see our men,"--he then said, in his ordinary tone, "They are looking +for us. We must be going." + +My heart beat quickly. A longing to speak what I hardly dared to think, +was strong upon me. But some inward restraint gripped me as with +iron--and my spirit beat itself like a caged bird against its prison +bars in vain. I left my rocky throne and heather canopy with slow +reluctance, and he saw this. + +"You are sorry to come away,"--he said, kindly, and with a smile--"I +can quite understand it. It is a beautiful scene." + +I stood quite still, looking at him. A host of recollections began to +crowd upon me, threatening havoc to my self-control. + +"Is it not something more than beautiful?" I asked, and my voice +trembled in spite of myself--"To you as well as to me?" + +He met my earnest gaze with a sudden deeper light in his own eyes. + +"Dear, to me it is the beginning of a new life!"--he said--"But whether +it is the same to you I cannot say. I have not the right to think so +far. Come!" + +A choking sense of tears was in my throat as I moved on by his side. +Why could I not speak frankly and tell him that I knew as well as he +did that now there was no life anywhere for me where he was not? +But--had it come to this? Yes, truly!--it had come to this! Then was it +a real love that I felt, or merely a blind obedience to some hypnotic +influence? The doubt suggested itself like a whisper from some evil +spirit, and I strove not to listen. Presently he took my hand in his as +before, and guided me carefully over the slippery boulders and stones, +wet with the overflowing of the mountain torrent and the underlying +morass which warned us of its vicinity by the quantity of bog-myrtle +growing in profusion everywhere. Almost in silence we reached the shore +where the launch was in waiting for us, and in silence we sat together +in the stern as the boat cut its swift way through little waves like +molten gold and opal, sparkling with the iridescent reflections of the +sun's after-glow. + +"I see Mr. Harland's yacht has returned to her moorings,"--he said, +after a while, addressing his men, "When did she come back?" + +"Immediately after you left, sir,"--was the reply. + +I looked and saw the two yachts--the 'Dream' and the 'Diana,' anchored +in the widest part of Loch Scavaig--the one with the disfiguring +funnels that make even the most magnificent steam yacht unsightly as +compared with a sailing vessel,--the other a perfect picture of +lightness and grace, resting like a bird with folded wings on the +glittering surface of the water. My mind was disturbed and +bewildered,--I felt that I had journeyed through immense distances of +space and cycles of time during that brief excursion to Loch +Coruisk,--and as the launch rushed onward and we lost sight of the +entrance to what for me had been a veritable Valley of Vision, it +seemed that I had lived through centuries rather than hours. One thing, +however, remained positive and real in my experience, and this was the +personality of Santoris. With each moment that passed I knew it +better--the flash of his blue eyes--his sudden fleeting smile--the turn +of his head--the very gesture of his hand,--all these were as familiar +to me as the reflection of my own face in a mirror. And now there was +no wonderment mingled with the deepening recognition,--I found it quite +natural that I should know him well,--indeed, it was to me evident that +I had known him always. What troubled me, however, was a subtle fear +that crept insidiously through my veins like a shuddering cold,--a +terror lest something to which I could give no name, should separate us +or cause us to misunderstand each other. For the psychic lines of +attraction between two human beings are finer than the finest gossamer +and can be easily broken and scattered even though they may or must be +brought together again after long lapses of time. But so many +opportunities had already been wasted, I thought, through some +recklessness or folly, either on his part or mine. Which of us was to +blame? I looked at him half in fear, half in appeal, as he sat in the +boat with his head turned a little aside from me,--he seemed grave and +preoccupied. A sudden thrill of emotion stirred my heart--tears sprang +to my eyes so thickly that for a moment I could scarcely see the waves +that glittered and danced on all sides like millions of diamonds. A +change had swept over my life,--a change so great that I was hardly +able to bear it. It was too swift, too overpowering to be calmly +considered, and I was glad when we came alongside the 'Dream' and I saw +Mr. Harland on deck, waiting for us at the top of the companion ladder. + +"Well!" he called to me--"Was it a good sunset?" + +"Glorious!" I answered him--"Did you see nothing of it?" + +"No. I slept soundly, and only woke up when Brayle came over to explain +that Catherine had taken it into her head to have a short cruise, that +he had humoured her accordingly, and that they had just come back to +anchorage." + +By this time I was standing beside him, and Santoris joined us. + +"So your doctor came to look after you,"--he said, with a smile--"I +thought he would not trust you out of his sight too long!" + +"What do you mean by that?" asked Harland--then his face lightened and +he laughed--"Well, I must own you have been a better physician than he +for the moment--it is months since I have been so free from pain." + +"I'm very glad,"--Santoris answered--"And now would you and your friend +like to take the launch back to your own yacht, or will you stay and +dine with me?" + +Mr. Harland thought a moment. + +"I'm afraid we must go"--he said, at last, with obvious +reluctance--"Captain Derrick went back with Brayle. You see, Catherine +is not strong, and she has not been quite herself--and we must not +leave her alone. To-morrow, if you are willing, I should like to try a +race with our two yachts in open sea--electricity against steam! What +do you say?" + +"With pleasure!" and Santoris looked amused--"But as I am sure to be +the winner, you must give me the privilege of entertaining you all to +dinner afterwards. Is that settled?" "Certainly!--you are hospitality +itself, Santoris!" and Mr. Harland shook him warmly by the hand--"What +time shall we start the race?" + +"Suppose we say noon?" + +"Agreed!" + +We then prepared to go. I turned to Santoris and in a quiet voice +thanked him for his kindness in escorting me to Loch Coruisk, and for +the pleasant afternoon we had passed. The conventional words of common +courtesy seemed to myself quite absurd,--however, they had to be +uttered, and he accepted them with the usual conventional +acknowledgment. When I was just about to descend the companion ladder, +he asked me to wait a moment, and going down to the saloon, brought me +the bunch of Madonna lilies I had found in that special cabin which, as +he had said, was destined 'for a princess.' + +"You will take these, I hope?" he said, simply. + +I raised my eyes to his as I received the white blossoms from his hand. +There was something indefinable and fleeting in his expression, and for +a moment it seemed as if we had suddenly become strangers. A sense of +loss and pain affected me, such as happens when someone to whom we are +deeply attached assumes a cold and distant air for which we can render +no explanation. He turned from me as quickly as I from him, and I +descended the companion ladder followed by Mr. Harland. In a few +seconds we had put several boat-lengths between ourselves and the +'Dream,' and a rush of foolish tears to my eyes blurred the figure of +Santoris as he lifted his cap to us in courteous adieu. I thought Mr. +Harland glanced at me a little inquisitively, but he said nothing--and +we were soon on board the 'Diana,' where Catherine, stretched out in a +deck chair, watched our arrival with but languid interest. Dr. Brayle +was beside her, and looked up as we drew near with a supercilious smile. + +"So the electric man has not quite made away with you,"--he said, +carelessly--"Miss Harland and I had our doubts as to whether we should +ever see you again!" + +Mr. Harland's fuzzy eyebrows drew together in a marked frown of +displeasure. + +"Indeed!" he ejaculated, drily--"Well, you need have had no fears on +that score. The 'electric man,' as you call Mr. Santoris, is an +excellent host and has no sinister designs on his friends." + +"Are you quite sure of that?" and Brayle, with an elaborate show of +courtesy, set chairs for his patron and for me near Catherine--"Derrick +tells me that the electric appliances on board his yacht are to him of +a terrifying character and that he would not risk passing so much as +one night on such a vessel!" + +Mr. Harland laughed. + +"I must talk to Derrick,"--he said--then, approaching his daughter, he +asked her kindly if she was better. She replied in the affirmative, but +with some little pettishness. + +"My nerves are all unstrung,"--she said--"I think that friend of yours +is one of those persons who draw all vitality out of everybody else. +There are such people, you know, father!--people who, when they are +getting old and feeble, go about taking stores of fresh life out of +others." + +He looked amused. + +"You are full of fancies, Catherine,"--he said--"And no logical +reasoning will ever argue you out of them. Santoris is all right. For +one thing, he gave me great relief from pain to-day." + +"Ah! How was that?"--and Brayle looked up sharply with sudden interest. + +"I don't know how,"--replied Harland,--"A drop or two of +harmless-looking fluid worked wonders for me--and in a few moments I +felt almost well. He tells me my illness is not incurable." + +A curious expression difficult to define flitted over Brayle's face. + +"You had better take care," he said, curtly--"Invalids should never try +experiments. I'm surprised that a man in your condition should take any +drug from the hand of a stranger." + +"Most dangerous!" interpolated Catherine, feebly--"How could you, +father?" + +"Well, Santoris isn't quite a stranger,"--said Mr. Harland--"After all, +I knew him at college--" + +"You think you knew him,"--put in Brayle--"He may not be the same man." + +"He is the same man,"--answered Mr. Harland, rather testily--"There are +no two of his kind in the world." + +Brayle lifted his eyebrows with a mildly affected air of surprise. + +"I thought you had your doubts--" + +"Of course!--I had and have my doubts concerning everybody and +everything"--said Mr. Harland, "And I suppose I shall have them to the +end of my days. I have sometimes doubted even your good intentions +towards me." + +A dark flush overspread Brayle's face suddenly, and as suddenly paled. +He laughed a little forcedly. + +"I hardly think you have any reason to do so," he said. + +Mr. Harland did not answer, but turning round, addressed me. + +"You enjoyed yourself at Loch Coruisk, didn't you?" + +"Indeed I did!" I replied, with emphasis--"It was a lovely +scene!--never to be forgotten." + +"You and Mr. Santoris would be sure to get on well together," said +Catherine, rather crossly--"'Birds of a feather,' you know!" + +I smiled. I was too much taken up with my own thoughts to pay attention +to her evident ill-humour. I was aware that Dr. Brayle watched me +furtively, and with a suspicious air, and there was a curious feeling +of constraint in the atmosphere that made me feel I had somehow +displeased my hostess, but the matter seemed to me too trifling to +consider, and as soon as the conversation became general I took the +opportunity to slip away and get down to my cabin, where I locked the +door and gave myself up to the freedom of my own meditations. They were +at first bewildered and chaotic--but gradually my mind smoothed itself +out like the sea I had looked upon in my vision,--and I began to +arrange and connect the various incidents of my strange experience in a +more or less coherent form. According to psychic consciousness I knew +what they all meant,--but according to merely material and earthly +reasoning they were utterly incomprehensible. If I listened to the +explanation offered by my inner self, it was this:--That Rafel Santoris +and I had known each other for ages,--longer than we were permitted to +remember,--that the brain-pictures, or rather soul-pictures, presented +to me were only a few selected out of thousands which equally concerned +us, and which were stored up among eternal records,--and that these few +were only recalled to remind me of circumstances which I might +erroneously think were all entirely forgotten. If, on the other hand, I +preferred to accept what would be called a reasonable and practical +solution of the enigma, I would say:--That, being imaginative and +sensitive, I had been easily hypnotised by a stronger will than my own, +and that for his amusement, or because he had seen in me the +possibility of a 'test case,' Santoris had tried his power upon me and +forced me to see whatever he chose to conjure up in order to bewilder +and perplex me. But if this were so, what could be his object? If I +were indeed an utter stranger to him, why should he take this trouble? +I found myself harassed by anxiety and dragged between two opposing +influences--one which impelled me to yield myself to the deep sense of +exquisite happiness, peace and consolation that swept over my spirit +like the touch of a veritable benediction from heaven,--the other which +pushed me back against a hard wall of impregnable fact and bade me +suspect my dawning joy as though it were a foe. + +That night we were a curious party at dinner. Never were five human +beings more oddly brought into contact and conversation with each +other. We were absolutely opposed at all points; in thought, in feeling +and in sentiment, I could not help remembering the wonderful network of +shining lines I had seen in that first dream of mine,--lines which were +apparently mathematically designed to meet in reciprocal unity. The +lines on this occasion between us five human beings were an almost +visible tangle. I found my best refuge in silence,--and I listened in +vague wonderment to the flow of senseless small talk poured out by Dr. +Brayle, apparently for the amusement of Catherine, who on her part +seemed suddenly possessed by a spirit of wilfulness and enforced gaiety +which moved her to utter a great many foolish things, things which she +evidently imagined were clever. There is nothing perhaps more +embarrassing than to hear a woman of mature years giving herself away +by the childish vapidness of her talk, and exhibiting not only a lack +of mental poise, but also utter tactlessness. However, Catherine +rattled on, and Dr. Brayle rattled with her,--Mr. Harland threw in +occasional monosyllables, but for the most part was evidently caught in +a kind of dusty spider's web of thought, and I spoke not at all unless +spoken to. Presently I met Catherine's eyes fixed upon me with a sort +of round, half-malicious curiosity. + +"I think your day's outing has done you good," she said--"You look +wonderfully well!" + +"I AM well!" I answered her--"I have been well all the time." + +"Yes, but you haven't looked as you look to-night," she said--"You have +quite a transformed air!" + +"Transformed?"--I echoed, smiling--"In what way?" + +Mr. Harland turned and surveyed me critically. + +"Upon my word, I think Catherine is right!" he said--"There is +something different about you, though I cannot explain what it is!" + +I felt the colour rising hotly to my face, but I endeavoured to appear +unconcerned. + +"You look," said Dr. Brayle, with a quick glance from his narrowly set +eyes--"as if you had been through a happy experience." + +"Perhaps I have!" I answered quietly--"It has certainly been a very +happy day!" "What is your opinion of Santoris?" asked Mr. Harland, +suddenly--"You've spent a couple of hours alone in his company,--you +must have formed some idea." + +I replied at once, without taking thought. + +"I think him quite an exceptional man," I said--"Good and +great-hearted,--and I fancy he must have gone through much difficult +experience to make him what he is." + +"I entirely disagree with you,"--said Dr. Brayle, quickly--"I've taken +his measure, and I think it's a fairly correct one. I believe him to be +a very clever and subtle charlatan, who affects a certain profound +mysticism in order to give himself undue importance--" + +There was a sudden clash. Mr. Harland had brought his clenched fist +down upon the table with a force that made the glasses ring. + +"I won't have that, Brayle!" he said, sharply--"I tell you I won't have +it! Santoris is no charlatan--never was!--he won his honours at Oxford +like a man--his conduct all the time I ever knew him was perfectly open +and blameless--he did no mean tricks, and pandered to nothing base--and +if some of us fellows were frightened of him (as we were) it was +because he did everything better than we could do it, and was superior +to us all. That's the truth!--and there's no getting over it. Nothing +gives small minds a better handle for hatred than +superiority--especially when that superiority is never asserted, but +only felt." + +"You surprise me,"--murmured Brayle, half apologetically--"I thought--" + +"Never mind what you thought!" said Mr. Harland, with a sudden ugly +irritation of manner that sometimes disfigured him--"Your thoughts are +not of the least importance!" + +Dr. Brayle flushed angrily and Catherine looked surprised and visibly +indignant. + +"Father! How can you be so rude!" + +"Am I rude?" And Mr. Harland shrugged his shoulders +indifferently--"Well! I may be--but I never take a man's hospitality +and permit myself to listen to abuse of him afterwards." + +"I assure you--" began Dr. Brayle, almost humbly. + +"There, there! If I spoke hastily, I apologise. But Santoris is too +straightforward a man to be suspected of any dishonesty or +chicanery--and certainly no one on board this vessel shall treat his +name with anything but respect." Here he turned to me--"Will you come +on deck for a little while before bedtime, or would you rather rest?" + +I saw that he wished to speak to me, and willingly agreed to accompany +him. Dinner being well over, we left the saloon, and were soon pacing +the deck together under the light of a brilliant moon. Instinctively we +both looked towards the 'Dream' yacht,--there was no illumination about +her this evening save the usual lamp hung in the rigging and the tiny +gleams of radiance through her port-holes,--and her graceful masts and +spars were like fine black pencillings seen against the bare slope of a +mountain made almost silver to the summit by the singularly searching +clearness of the moonbeams. My host paused in his walk beside me to +light a cigar. + +"I'm sure you are convinced that Santoris is honest," he said--"Are you +not?" + +"In what way should I doubt him?"--I replied, evasively--"I scarcely +know him!" + +Hardly had I said this when a sudden self-reproach stung me. How dare I +say that I scarcely knew one who had been known to me for ages? I +leaned against the deck rail looking up at the violet sky, my heart +beating quickly. My companion was still busy lighting his cigar, but +when this was done to his satisfaction he resumed. + +"True! You scarcely know him, but you are quick to form opinions, and +your instincts are often, though perhaps not always, correct. At any +rate, you have no distrust of him? You like him?" + +"Yes,"--I answered, slowly--"I--I like him--very much." + +And the violet sky, with its round white moon, seemed to swing in a +circle about me as I spoke--knowing that the true answer of my heart +was love, not liking!--that love was the magnet drawing me +irresistibly, despite my own endeavour, to something I could neither +understand nor imagine. + +"I'm glad of that," said Mr. Harland--"It would have worried me a +little if you had taken a prejudice or felt any antipathy towards him. +I can see that Brayle hates him and has imbued Catherine with something +of his own dislike." + +I was silent. + +"He is, of course, an extraordinary man," went on Mr. Harland--"and he +is bound to offend many and to please few. He is not likely to escape +the usual fate of unusual characters. But I think--indeed I may say I +am sure--his integrity is beyond question. He has curious opinions +about love and marriage--almost as curious as the fixed ideas he holds +concerning life and death." + +Something cold seemed to send a shiver through my blood--was it some +stray fragment of memory from the past that stirred me to a sense of +pain? I forced myself to speak. + +"What are those opinions?" I asked, and looking up in the moonlight to +my companion's face I saw that it wore a puzzled expression--"Hardly +conventional, I suppose?" + +"Conventional! Convention and Santoris are farther apart than the +poles! No--he doesn't fit into any accepted social code at all. He +looks upon marriage itself as a tacit acknowledgment of inconstancy in +love, and declares that if the passion existed in its truest form +between man and woman any sort of formal or legal tie would be +needless,--as love, if it be love, does not and cannot change. But it +is no use discussing such a matter with him. The love that he believes +in can only exist, if then, once in a thousand years! Men and women +marry for physical attraction, convenience, necessity or +respectability,--and the legal bond is necessary both for their sakes +and the worldly welfare of the children born to them; but love which is +physical and transcendental together,--love that is to last through an +imagined eternity of progress and fruition, this is a mere dream--a +chimera!--and he feasts his brain upon it as though it were a +nourishing fact. However, one must have patience with him--he is not +like the rest of us." + +"No!" I murmured--and then stood silently beside him watching the +moonbeams ripple on the waters in wavy links of brightness. + +"When you married," I said, at last--"did you not marry for love?" + +He puffed at his cigar thoughtfully. + +"Well, I hardly know," he replied, after a long pause,--"Looking back +upon everything, I rather doubt it! I married as most men marry--on +impulse. I saw a pretty face--and it seemed advisable that I should +marry--but I cannot say I was moved by any great or absorbing passion +for the woman I chose. She was charming and amiable in our courting +days--as a wife she became peevish and querulous,--apt to sulk, +too,--and she devoted herself almost entirely to the most commonplace +routine of life;--however, I had nothing to justly complain of. We +lived five years together before her child Catherine was born,--and +then she died. I cannot say that either her life or her death left any +deep mark upon me--not if I am honest. I don't think I understand +love--certainly not the love which Rafel Santoris looks upon as the +secret key of the Universe." + +Instinctively my eyes turned towards the 'Dream' at anchor. She looked +like a phantom vessel in the moonlight. Again the faint shiver of cold +ran through my veins like a sense of spiritual terror. If I should lose +now what I had lost before! This was my chief thought,--my hidden +shuddering fear. Did the whole responsibility rest with me, I wondered? +Mr. Harland laid his hand kindly on my arm. + +"You look like a wan spirit in the moonbeams," he said--"So pale and +wistful! You are tired, and I am selfish in keeping you up here to talk +to me. Go down to your cabin. I can see you are full of mystical +dreams, and I am afraid Santoris has rather helped you to indulge in +them. He is of the same nature as you are--inclined to believe that +this life as we live it is only one phase of many that are past and of +many yet to come. I wish I could accept that faith!" + +"I wish you could!" I said--"You surely would be happier." + +"Should I?" He gave a quick sigh. "I have my doubts! If I could be +young and strong and lie through many lives always possessed of that +same youth and strength, then there would be something in it--but to be +old and ailing, no! The Faust legend is an eternal truth--Life is only +worth living as long as we enjoy it." + +"Your friend Santoris enjoys it!" I said. + +"Ah! There you touch me! He does enjoy it, and why? Because he is +young! Though nearly as old in years as I am, he is actually young! +That's the mystery of him! Santoris is positively young--young in +heart, young in thought, ambition, feeling and sentiment, and yet--" + +He broke off for a moment, then resumed. + +"I don't know how he has managed it, but he told me long ago that it +was a man's own fault if he allowed himself to grow old. I laughed at +him then, but he has certainly carried his theories into fact. He used +to declare that it was either yourself or your friends that made you +old. 'You will find,' he said, 'as you go on in years, that your family +relations, or your professing dear friends, are those that will chiefly +insist on your inviting and accepting the burden of age. They will +remind you that twenty years ago you did so and so,--or that they have +known you over thirty years--or they will tell you that considering +your age you look well, or a thousand and one things of that kind, as +if it were a fault or even a crime to be alive for a certain span of +time,--whereas if you simply shook off such unnecessary attentions and +went your own way, taking freely of the constant output of life and +energy supplied to you by Nature, you would outwit all these croakers +of feebleness and decay and renew your vital forces to the end. But to +do this you must have a constant aim in life and a ruling passion.' As +I told you, I laughed at him and at what I called his 'folly,' but +now--well, now--it's a case of 'let those laugh who win.'" + +"And you think he has won?" I asked. + +"Most assuredly--I cannot deny it. But the secret of his victory is +beyond me." + +"I should think it is beyond most people," I replied--"For if we could +all keep ourselves young and strong we would take every means in our +power to attain such happiness--" + +"Would we, though?" And his brows knitted perplexedly--"If we knew, +would we take the necessary trouble? We will hardly obey a physician's +orders for our good even when we are really ill--would we in health +follow any code of life in order to keep well?" + +I laughed. + +"Perhaps not!" I said--"I expect it will always be the same +thing--'Many are called, but few are chosen.' Goodnight!" + +I held out my hand. He took it in his own and kept it a moment. + +"It's curious we should have met Santoris so soon after my telling you +about him," he said--"It's one of those coincidences which one cannot +explain. You are very like him in some of your ideas--you two ought to +be very great friends." + +"Ought we?"--and I smiled--"Perhaps we shall be! Again, Good-night!" + +"Good-night!" And I left him to his meditations and went down to my +cabin, only stopping for a moment to say good-night to Catherine and +Dr. Brayle, who were playing bridge with Mr. Swinton and Captain +Derrick in the saloon. Once in my room, I was thankful to be alone. +Every extraneous thing seemed an intrusion or an impertinence,--the +thoughts that filled my brain were all absorbing, and went so far +beyond the immediate radius of time and space that I could hardly +follow their flight. I smiled as I imagined what ordinary people would +think of the experience through which I had passed and was passing. +'Foolish fancies!' 'Neurotic folly!' and other epithets of the kind +would be heaped upon me if they knew--they, the excellent folk whose +sole objects in life are so ephemeral as to be the things of the hour, +the day, or the month merely, and who if they ever pause to consider +eternal possibilities at all, do so reluctantly perhaps in church on +Sundays, comfortably dismissing them for the more solid prospect of +dinner. And of Love? What view of the divine passion do they take as a +rule? Let the millions of mistaken marriages answer! Let the savage +lusts and treacheries and cruelties of merely brutish and +unspiritualised humanity bear witness? And how few shall be found who +have even the beginnings of the nature of true love--'the love of soul +for soul, angel for angel, god for god!'--the love that accepts this +world and its events as one phase only of divine and immortal +existence--a phase of trial and proving in which the greater number +fail to pass even a first examination! As for myself, I felt and knew +that _I_ had failed hopelessly and utterly in the past--and I stood now +as it were on the edge of new circumstances--in fear, yet not without +hope, and praying that whatsoever should chance to me I might not fail +again! + + + + +X + +STRANGE ASSOCIATIONS + + +The next day the race agreed upon was run in the calmest of calm +weather. There was not the faintest breath of wind,--the sea was still +as a pond and almost oily in its smooth, motionless shining--and it was +evident at first that our captain entertained no doubt whatever as to +the 'Diana,' with her powerful engines, being easily able to beat the +aerial-looking 'Dream' schooner, which at noon-day, with all sails +spread, came gliding up beside us till she lay point to point at equal +distance and at nearly equal measurement with our more cumbersome +vessel. Mr. Harland was keenly excited; Dr. Brayle was ready to lay any +amount of wagers as to the impossibility of a sailing vessel, even +granted she was moved by electricity, out-racing one of steam in such a +dead calm. As the two vessels lay on the still waters, the 'Diana' +fussily getting up steam, and the 'Dream' with sails full out as if in +a stiff breeze, despite the fact that there was no wind, we discussed +the situation eagerly--or rather I should say my host and his people +discussed it, for I had nothing to say, knowing that the victory was +sure to be with Santoris. We were in very lonely waters,--there was +room and to spare for plenty of racing, and when all was ready and +Santoris saluted us from the deck, lifting his cap and waving it in +response to a similar greeting from Mr. Harland and our skipper, the +signal to start was given. We moved off together, and for at least half +an hour or more the 'Dream' floated along in a kind of lazy indolence, +keeping up with us easily, her canvas filled, and her keel cutting the +water as if swept by a favouring gale. The result of the race was soon +a foregone conclusion,--for presently, when well out on the mirror-like +calm of the sea, the 'Dream' showed her secret powers in earnest, and +flew like a bird with a silent swiftness that was almost incredible. +Our yacht put on all steam in the effort to keep up with her,--in vain! +On, on, with light grace and celerity her white sails carried her like +the wings of a sea-gull, and almost before we could realise it she +vanished altogether from our sight! I saw a waste of water spread +around us emptily like a wide circle of crystal reflecting the sky, and +a sense of desolation fell upon me in the mere fact that we were +temporarily left alone. We steamed on and on in the direction of the +vanished 'Dream,'--our movements suggesting those of some clumsy +four-footed animal panting its way after a bird, but unable to come up +with her. + +"Wonderful!" said Mr. Harland, at last, drawing a long breath,--"I +would never have believed it possible!" + +"Nor I!" agreed Captain Derrick--"I certainly thought she would never +have managed it in such a dead calm. For though I have seen some of her +mechanism I cannot entirely understand it." + +Dr. Brayle was silent. It was evident that he was annoyed--though why +he should be so was not apparent. I myself was full of secret +anxiety--for the 'Dream' yacht's sudden and swift disappearance had +filled me with a wretched sense of loneliness beyond all expression. +Suppose she should not return! I had no clue to her whereabouts--and +with the loss of Santoris I knew I should lose all that was worth +having in my life. While these miserable thoughts were yet chasing each +other through my brain I suddenly caught a far glimpse of white sails +on the horizon. + +"She's coming back!" I cried, enraptured, and heedless of what I +said--"Oh, thank God! She's coming back!" + +They all looked at me in amazement. + +"Why, what's the matter with you?" asked Mr. Harland, smiling. "You +surely didn't think she was in any danger?" + +My cheeks grew warm. + +"I didn't know--I could not imagine--" I faltered, and turning away I +met Dr. Brayle's eyes fixed upon me with a gleam of malice in them. + +"I'm sure," he said, suavely, "you are greatly interested in Mr. +Santoris! Perhaps you have met each other before?" + +"Never!" I answered, hurriedly,--and then checked myself, startled and +confused. He kept his narrow brown eyes heedfully upon me and smiled +slightly. + +"Really! I should have thought otherwise!" + +I did not trouble myself to reply. The white sails of the 'Dream' were +coming nearer and nearer over the smooth width of the sunlit water, and +as she approached my heart grew warm with gratitude. Life was again a +thing of joy!--the world was no longer empty! That ship looked to me +like a beautiful winged spirit coming towards me with radiant +assurances of hope and consolation, and I lost all fear, all sadness, +all foreboding, as she gradually swept up alongside in the easy triumph +she had won. Our crew assembled to welcome her, and cheered lustily. +Santoris, standing on her deck, lightly acknowledged the salutes which +gave him the victory, and presently both our vessels were once more at +their former places of anchorage. When all the excitement was over, I +went down to my cabin to rest for a while before dressing for the +dinner on board the 'Dream' to which we were all invited,--and while I +lay on my sofa reading, Catherine Harland knocked at my door and asked +to come in, I admitted her at once, and she flung herself into an +arm-chair with a gesture of impatience. + +"I'm so tired of all this yachting!" she said, peevishly. "It isn't +amusing to me!" + +"I'm very sorry!" I answered;--"If you feel like that, why not give it +up at once?" + +"Oh, it's father's whim!" she said-"And if he makes up his mind there's +no moving him. One thing, however, I'm determined to do--and that is--" +Here she stopped, looking at me curiously. + +I returned her gaze questioningly. + +"And that is--what?" + +"To get as far away as ever we can from that terrible 'Dream' yacht and +its owner!"--she replied--"That man is a devil!" + +I laughed. I could not help laughing. The estimate she had formed of +one so vastly her superior as Santoris struck me as more amusing than +blamable. I am often accustomed to hear the hasty and narrow verdict of +small-minded and unintelligent persons pronounced on men and women of +high attainment and great mental ability; therefore, that she should +show herself as not above the level of the common majority did not +offend so much as it entertained me. However, my laughter made her +suddenly angry. + +"Why do you laugh?" she demanded. "You look quite pagan in that lace +rest-gown--I suppose you call it a restgown!--with all your hair +tumbling loose about you! And that laugh of yours is a pagan laugh!" + +I was so surprised at her odd way of speaking that for a moment I could +find no words. She looked at me with a kind of hard disfavour in her +eyes. + +"That's the reason,"--she went on--"why you find life agreeable. Pagans +always did. They revelled in sunshine and open air, and found all sorts +of excuses for their own faults, provided they got some pleasure out of +them. That's quite your temperament! And they laughed at serious +things--just as you do!" + +The mirror showed me my own reflection, and I saw myself still smiling. + +"Do I laugh at serious things?" I said. "Dear Miss Harland, I am not +aware of it! But I cannot take Mr. Santoris as a 'devil' seriously!" + +"He is!" And she nodded her head emphatically--"And all those queer +beliefs he holds--and you hold them too!--are devilish! If you belonged +to the Church of Rome, you would not be allowed to indulge in such +wicked theories for a moment." + +"Ah! The Church of Rome fortunately cannot control thought!"--I +said--"Not even the thoughts of its own children! And some of the +beliefs of the Church of Rome are more blasphemous and barbarous than +all the paganism of the ancient world! Tell me, what are my 'wicked +theories'?" + +"Oh, I don't know!" she replied, vaguely and inconsequently--"You +believe there's no death--and you think we all make our own illnesses +and misfortunes,--and I've heard you say that the idea of Eternal +Punishment is absurd--so in a way you are as bad as father, who +declares there's nothing in the Universe but gas and atoms--no God and +no anything. You really are quite as much of an atheist as he is! Dr. +Brayle says so." + +I had been standing in front of her while she thus talked, but now I +resumed my former reclining attitude on the sofa and looked at her with +a touch of disdain. + +"Dr. Brayle says so!"--I repeated--"Dr. Brayle's opinion is the least +worth having in the world! Now, if you really believe in devils, +there's one for you!" + +"How can you say so?" she exclaimed, hotly--"What right have you--" + +"How can he call ME an atheist?" I demanded-"What right has HE to judge +me?" + +The flush died off her face, and a sudden fear filled her eyes. + +"Don't look at me like that!" she said, almost in a whisper--"It +reminds me of an awful dream I had the other night!"--She +paused.--"Shall I tell it to you?" + +I nodded indifferently, yet watched her curiously the while. Something +in her hard, plain face had become suddenly and unpleasantly familiar. + +"I dreamed that I was in a painter's studio watching two murdered +people die--a man and a woman. The man was like Santoris--the woman +resembled you! They had been stabbed,--and the woman was clinging to +the man's body. Dr. Brayle stood beside me also watching--but the scene +was strange to me, and the clothes we wore were all of some ancient +time. I said to Dr. Brayle: 'We have killed them!' and he replied: +'Yes! They are better dead than living!' It was a horrible dream!--it +seemed so real! I have been frightened of you and of that man Santoris +ever since!" + +I could not speak for a moment. A recollection swept over me to which I +dared not give utterance,--it seemed too improbable. + +"I've had nerves," she went on, shivering a little--"and that's why I +say I'm tired of this yachting trip. It's becoming a nightmare to me!" + +I lay back on the sofa looking at her with a kind of pity. + +"Then why not end it?" I said--"Or why not let me go away? It is I who +have displeased you somehow, and I assure you I'm very sorry! You and +Mr. Harland have both been most kind to me--I've been your guest for +nearly a fortnight,--that's quite sufficient holiday for me--put me +ashore anywhere you like and I'll go home and get myself out of your +way. Will that be any comfort to you?" + +"I don't know that it will," she said, with a short, querulous +sigh--"Things have happened so strangely." She paused, looking at +me--"Yes--you have the face of that woman I saw in my dream!--and you +have always reminded me of--" + +I waited eagerly. She seemed afraid to go on. + +"Well!" I said, as quietly as I could--"Do please finish what you were +saying!" + +"It goes back to the time when I first saw you," she continued, now +speaking quickly as though anxious to get it over--"You will perhaps +hardly remember the occasion. It was at that great art and society +"crush" in London where there was such a crowd that hundreds of people +never got farther than the staircase. You were pointed out to me as a +"psychist"--and while I was still listening to what was being said +about you, my father came up with you on his arm and introduced us. +When I saw you I felt that your features were somehow familiar,--though +I could not tell where I had met you before,--and I became very anxious +to see more of you. In fact, you had a perfect fascination for me! You +have the same fascination now,--only it is a fascination that terrifies +me!" + +I was silent. + +"The other night," she went on--"when Mr. Santoris first came on board +I had a singular impression that he was or had been an enemy of +mine,--though where or how I could not say. It was this that frightened +me, and made me too ill and nervous to go with you on that excursion to +Loch Coruisk. And I want to get away from him! I never had such +impressions before--and even now,--looking at you,--I feel there's +something in you which is quite "uncanny,"--it troubles me! Oh!--I'm +sure you mean me no harm--you are bright and amiable and adaptable and +all that--but--I'm afraid of you!" + +"Poor Catherine!" I said, very gently--"These are merely nervous ideas! +There is nothing to fear from me--no, nothing!" For here she suddenly +leaned forward and took my hand, looking earnestly in my face--"How can +you imagine such a thing possible?" + +"Are you sure?" she half whispered--"When I called you "pagan" just now +I had a sort of dim recollection of a fair woman like you,--a woman I +seemed to know who was really a pagan! Yet I don't know how I knew her, +or where I met her--a woman who, for some reason or other, was hateful +to me because I was jealous of her! These curious fancies have haunted +my mind only since that man Santoris came on board,--and I told Dr. +Brayle exactly what I felt." + +"And what did he say?" I asked. + +"He said that it was all the work of Santoris, who was an evident +professor of psychical imposture--" + +I sprang up. + +"Let him say that to ME!" I exclaimed--"Let him dare to say it! and I +will prove who is the impostor to his face!" + +She retreated from me with wide-open eyes of alarm. + +"Why do you look at me like that?" she said. "We didn't really kill +you--except--in a dream!" + +A sudden silence fell between us; something cold and shadowy and +impalpable seemed to possess the very air. If by some supernatural +agency we had been momentarily deprived of life and motion, while a +vast dark cloud, heavy with rain, had made its slow way betwixt us, the +sense of chill and depression could hardly have been greater. + +Presently Catherine spoke again, with a little forced laugh. + +"What silly things I say!" she murmured--"You can see for yourself my +nerves are in a bad state!--I am altogether unstrung!" + +I stood for a moment looking at her, and considering the perplexity in +which we both seemed involved. + +"If you would rather not dine with Mr. Santoris this evening," I said, +at last,--"and if you think his presence has a bad effect on you, let +us make some excuse not to go. I will willingly stay with you, if you +wish me to do so." + +She gave me a surprised glance. + +"You are very unselfish," she said--"and I wish I were not so fanciful. +It's most kind of you to offer to stay with me and to give up an +evening's pleasure--for I suppose it IS a pleasure? You like Mr. +Santoris?" + +The colour rushed to my face in a warm glow. + +"Yes," I answered, turning slightly away from her--"I like him very +much." + +"And he likes YOU better than he likes any of us," she said--"In fact, +I believe if it had not been for you, we should never have met him in +this strange way--" + +"Why, how can you make that out?" I asked, smiling. "I never heard of +him till your father spoke of him,--and never saw him till--" + +"Till when?"--she demanded, quickly. + +"Till the other night," I answered, hesitatingly. + +She searched my face with questioning eyes. + +"I thought you were going to say that you, like myself, had some idea +or recollection of having met him before," she said. "However, I shall +not ask you to sacrifice your pleasure for me,--in fact, I have made up +my mind to go to this dinner, though Dr. Brayle doesn't wish it." + +"Oh! Dr. Brayle doesn't wish it!" I echoed--"And why?" + +"Well, he thinks it will not be good for me--and--and he hates the very +sight of Santoris!" + +I said nothing. She rose to leave my cabin. + +"Please don't think too hardly of me!" she said, pleadingly,--"I've +told you frankly just how I feel,--and you can imagine how glad I shall +be when this yachting trip comes to an end." + +She went away then, and I stood for some minutes lost in thought. I +dared not pursue the train of memories with which she had connected +herself in my mind. My chief idea now was to find some convenient +method of immediately concluding my stay with the Harlands and leaving +their yacht at some easy point of departure for home. And I resolved I +would speak to Santoris on this subject and trust to him for a means +whereby we should not lose sight of each other, for I felt that this +was imperative. And my spirit rose up within me full of joy and pride +in its instinctive consciousness that I was as necessary to him as he +was to me. + +It was a warm, almost sultry evening, and I was able to discard my +serge yachting dress for one of soft white Indian silk, a cooler and +more presentable costume for a dinner-party on board a yacht which was +furnished with such luxury as was the 'Dream.' My little sprig of +bell-heather still looked bright and fresh in the glass where I always +kept it--but to-night when I took it in my hand it suddenly crumbled +into a pinch of fine grey dust. This sudden destruction of what had +seemed well-nigh indestructible startled me for a moment till I began +to think that after all the little bunch of blossom had done its +work,--its message had been given--its errand completed. All the +Madonna lilies Santoris had given me were as fresh as if newly +gathered,--and I chose one of these with its companion bud as my only +ornament. When I joined my host and his party in the saloon he looked +at me with inquisitive scrutiny. + +"I cannot quite make you out," he said--"You look several years younger +than you did when you came on board at Rothesay! Is it the sea air, the +sunshine, or--Santoris?" + +"Santoris!" I repeated, and laughed. "How can it be Santoris?" + +"Well, he makes HIMSELF young," Mr. Harland answered--"And perhaps he +may make others young too. There's no telling the extent of his powers!" + +"Quite the conjurer!" observed Dr. Brayle, drily--"Faust should have +consulted him instead of Mephistopheles!" + +"'Faust' is a wonderful legend, but absurd in the fact that the old +philosopher sold his soul to the Devil, merely for the love of +woman,"--said Mr. Harland. "The joy, the sensation and the passion of +love were to him supreme temptation and the only satisfaction on earth." + +Dr. Brayle's eyes gleamed. + +"But, after all, is this not a truth?" he asked--"Is there anything +that so completely dominates the life of a man as the love of a woman? +It is very seldom the right woman--but it is always a woman of some +kind. Everything that has ever been done in the world, either good or +evil, can be traced back to the influence of women on men--sometimes it +is their wives who sway their actions, but it is far more often their +mistresses. Kings and emperors are as prone to the universal weakness +as commoners,--we have only to read history to be assured of the fact. +What more could Faust desire than love?" + +"Well, to me love is a mistake," said Mr. Harland, throwing on his +overcoat carelessly--"I agree with Byron's dictum 'Who loves, raves!' +Of course it should be an ideal passion--but it never is. Come, are we +all ready?" + +We were--and we at once left the yacht in our own launch. Our party +consisted of Mr. Harland, his daughter, myself, Dr. Brayle and Mr. +Swinton, and with such indifferent companions I imagined it would be +difficult, if not impossible, to get even a moment with Santoris alone, +to tell him of my intention to leave my host and hostess as soon as +might be possible. However, I determined to make some effort in this +direction, if I could find even the briefest opportunity. + +We made our little trip across the water from the 'Diana' to the +'Dream' in the light of a magnificent sunset. Loch Scavaig was a blaze +of burning colour,--and the skies above us were flushed with deep rose +divided by lines of palest blue and warm gold. Santoris was waiting on +the deck to receive us, attended by his captain and one or two of the +principals of the crew, but what attracted and charmed our eyes at the +moment was a beautiful dark youth of some twelve or thirteen years of +age, clad in Eastern dress, who held a basket full of crimson and white +rose petals, which, with a graceful gesture, he silently emptied at our +feet as we stepped on board. I happened to be the first one to ascend +the companion ladder, so that it looked as if this fragrant heap of +delicate leaves had been thrown down for me to tread upon, but even if +it had been so intended it appeared as though designed for the whole +party. Santoris welcomed us with the kindly courtesy which always +distinguished his manner, and he himself escorted Miss Harland down to +one of the cabins, there to take off the numerous unnecessary wraps and +shawls with which she invariably clothed herself on the warmest day,--I +followed them as they went, and he turned to me with a smile, saying:-- + +"You know your room? The same you had yesterday afternoon." + +I obeyed his gesture, and entered the exquisitely designed and +furnished apartment which he had said was for a 'princess,' and closing +the door I sat down for a few minutes to think quietly. It was evident +that things were coming to some sort of crisis in my life,--and shaping +to some destiny which I must either accept or avoid. Decisive action +would rest, as I saw, entirely with myself. To avoid all difficulty, I +had only to hold my peace and go my own way--refuse to know more of +this singular man who seemed to be so mysteriously connected with my +life, and return home to the usual safe, if dull, routine of my +ordinary round of work and effort. On the other hand, to accept the +dawning joy that seemed showering upon me like a light from Heaven, was +to blindly move on into the Unknown,--to trust unquestioningly to the +secret spiritual promptings of my own nature and to give myself up +wholly and ungrudgingly to a love which suggested all things yet +promised nothing! Full of the most conflicting thoughts, I paced the +room up and down slowly--the tall mirror reflected my face and figure +and showed me the startlingly faithful presentment of the woman I had +seen in my strange series of visions,--the woman who centuries ago had +fought against convention and custom, only to be foolishly conquered by +them in a thousand ways,--the woman who had slain love, only that it +should rise again and confront her with deathless eyes of eternal +remembrance--the woman who, drowned at last for love's sake in a sea of +wrath and trembling, knelt outside the barred gate of Heaven praying to +enter in! And in my mind I heard again the words spoken by that sweet +and solemn Voice which had addressed me in the first of my dreams: + +"One rose from all the roses in Heaven! One--fadeless and +immortal--only one, but sufficient for all! One love from all the +million loves of men and women--one, but enough for Eternity! How long +the rose has awaited its flowering--how long the love has awaited its +fulfilment--only the recording angels know! Such roses bloom but once +in the wilderness of space and time; such love comes but once in a +Universe of worlds!" + +And then I remembered the parting command: "Rise and go hence! Keep the +gift God sends thee!--take that which is thine!--meet that which hath +sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside again, neither +by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old errors prevail. +Pass from vision into waking!--from night to day!--from seeming death +to life!--from loneliness to love!--and keep within thy heart the +message of a Dream!" + +Dared I trust to these suggestions which the worldly-wise would call +mere imagination? A profound philosopher of these latter days has +defined Imagination as 'an advanced perception of truth,' and avers +that the discoveries of the future can always be predicted by the poet +and the seer, whose receptive brains are the first to catch the +premonitions of those finer issues of thought which emanate from the +Divine intelligence. However this may be, my own experience of life had +taught me that what ordinary persons pin their faith upon as real, is +often unreal,--while such promptings of the soul as are almost +incapable of expression lead to the highest realities of existence. And +I decided at last to let matters take their own course, though I was +absolutely resolved to get away from the Harlands within the next two +or three days. I meant to ask Mr. Harland to land me at Portree, where +I could take the steamer for Glasgow;--any excuse would serve for a +hurried departure--and I felt now that departure was necessary. + +A soft sound of musical bells reached my ears at this moment announcing +dinner,--and leaving the 'princess's' apartment, I met Santoris at the +entrance to the saloon. There was no one else there for the moment but +himself, and as I came towards him he took my hands in his own and +raised them to his lips. + +"You are not yet resolved!" he said, in a low tone, smiling--"Take +plenty of time!" + +I lifted my eyes to his, and all doubt seemed swept away in the light +of our mutual glances--I smiled in response to his look,--and we +loosened our hands quickly as Mr. Harland with his doctor and secretary +came down from the deck, Catherine joining us from the cabin where she +had disburdened herself of her invalid wrappings. She was rather more +elegantly attired than usual--she wore a curious purple-coloured gown +with threads of gold interwoven in the stuff, and a collar of lace +turned back at the throat gave her the aspect of an old Italian +picture--a sort of 'Portrait of a lady,--Artist unknown.' Not a +pleasant portrait, perhaps--but characteristic of a certain dull and +self-centred type of woman. We were soon seated at table--a table +richly, yet daintily, appointed, and adorned with the costliest flowers +and fruits. The men who waited upon us were all Easterns, dark-eyed and +dark-skinned, and wore the Eastern dress,--all their movements were +swift yet graceful and dignified--they made no noise in the business of +serving,--not a dish clattered, not a glass clashed. They were perfect +servants, taking care to avoid the common but reprehensible method of +offering dishes to persons conversing, thus interrupting the flow of +talk at inopportune moments. And what talk it was!--all sorts of +subjects, social and impersonal, came up for discussion, and Santoris +handled them with such skill that he made us forget that there was +anything remarkable or unusual about himself or his surroundings, +though, as a matter of fact, no more princely banquet could ever have +been served in the most luxurious of palaces. Half-way through the +meal, when the conversation came for a moment to a pause, the most +exquisite music charmed our ears--beginning softly and far away, it +swelled out to rich and glorious harmonies like a full orchestra +playing under the sea. We looked at each other and then at our host in +charmed enquiry. + +"Electricity again!" he said--"So simply managed that it is not worth +talking about! Unfortunately, it is mechanical music, and this can +never be like the music evolved from brain and fingers; however, it +fills in gaps of silence when conventional minds are at a strain for +something to say--something quite 'safe' and unlikely to provoke +discussion!" + +His keen blue eyes flashed with a sudden gleam of scorn in them. I +looked at him half questioningly, and the scorn melted into a smile. + +"It isn't good form to start any subject which might lead to argument," +he went on--"The modern brain must not be exercised too +strenuously,--it is not strong enough to stand much effort. What do you +say, Harland?" + +"I agree," answered Mr. Harland. "As a rule people who dine as well as +we are dining to-night have no room left for mentality--they become all +digestion!" + +Dr. Brayle laughed. + +"Nothing like a good dinner if one has an appetite for it. I think it +quite possible that Faust would have left his Margaret for a full meal!" + +"I'm sure he would!" chimed in Mr. Swinton--"Any man would!" + +Santoris looked down the table with a curious air of half-amused +inspection. His eyes, clear and searching in their swift glance, took +in the whole group of us--Mr. Harland enjoying succulent asparagus; Dr. +Brayle drinking champagne; Mr. Swinton helping himself out of some dish +of good things offered to him by one of the servants; Catherine playing +in a sort of demure, old-maidish way with knife and fork as if she were +eating against her will--and finally they rested on me, to whom the +dinner was just a pretty pageant of luxury in which I scarcely took any +part. + +"Well, whatever Faust would or would not do," he said, half +laughingly--"it's certain that food is never at a discount. Women +frequently are." + +"Women," said Mr. Harland, poising a stem of asparagus in the air, "are +so constituted as to invariably make havoc either of themselves or of +the men they profess to love. Wives neglect their husbands, and +husbands naturally desert their wives. Devoted lovers quarrel and part +over the merest trifles. The whole thing is a mistake." + +"What whole thing?" asked Santoris, smiling. + +"The relations between man and woman," Harland answered. "In my opinion +we should conduct ourselves like the birds and animals, whose +relationships are neither binding nor lasting, but are just sufficient +to preserve the type. That's all that is really needed. What is called +love is mere sentiment." + +"Do you endorse that verdict, Miss Harland?" Santoris asked, suddenly. + +Catherine looked up, startled--her yellow skin flushed a pale red. + +"I don't know," she answered--"I scarcely heard--"" + +"Your father doesn't believe in love," he said--"Do you?" + +"I hope it exists," she murmured--"But nowadays people are so VERY +practical--" + +"Oh, believe me, they are no more practical now than they ever were!" +averred Santoris, laughing. "There's as much romance in the modern +world as in the ancient;--the human heart has the same passions, but +they are more deeply suppressed and therefore more dangerous. And love +holds the same eternal sway--so does jealousy." + +Dr. Brayle looked up. + +"Jealousy is an uncivilised thing," he said--"It is a kind of primitive +passion from which no well-ordered mind should suffer." + +Santoris smiled. + +"Primitive passions are as forceful as they ever were," he answered. +"No culture can do away with them. Jealousy, like love, is one of the +motive powers of progress. It is a great evil--but a necessary one--as +necessary as war. Without strife of some sort the world would become +like a stagnant pool breeding nothing but weeds and the slimy creatures +pertaining to foulness. Even in love, the most divine of passions, +there should be a wave of uncertainty and a sense of unsolved mystery +to give it everlastingness." + +"Everlastingness?" queried Mr. Harland--"Or simply life lastingness?" + +"Everlastingness!" repeated Santoris. "Love that lacks eternal +stability is not love at all, but simply an affectionate understanding +and agreeable companionship in this world only. For the other world or +worlds--" + +"Ah! You are going too far," interrupted Mr. Harland--"You know I +cannot follow you! And with all due deference to the fair sex I very +much doubt if any one of them would care for a love that was destined +to last for ever." + +"No MAN would," interrupted Brayle, sarcastically. + +Santoris gave him a quick glance. + +"No man is asked to care!" he said--"Nor woman either. SOULS are not +only asked, but COMMANDED, to care! This, however, is beyond you!" + +"And beyond most people," answered Brayle--"Such ideas are purely +imaginary and transcendental." + +"Granted!" And Santoris gave him a quick, straight glance--"But what do +you mean by 'imaginary' and 'transcendental'? Imagination is the +faculty of conceiving in the brain ideas which may with time spring to +the full fruition of realisation. Every item of our present-day +civilisation has been 'imagined' before taking practical shape. +'Transcendental' means BEYOND the ordinary happenings of life and +life's bodily routine--and this 'beyond' expresses itself so often that +there are few lives lived for a single day without some touch of its +inexplicable marvel. It is on such lines as these that human beings +drift away from happiness,--they will only believe what they can see, +while all the time their actual lives depend on what they do NOT see!" + +There was a moment's silence. The charm of his voice was potent--and +still more so the fascination of his manner and bearing, and Mr. +Harland looked at him in something of wonder and appeal. + +"You are a strange fellow, Santoris!" he said, at last, "And you always +were! Even now I can hardly believe that you are really the very +Santoris that struck such terror into the hearts of some of us +undergrads at Oxford! I say I can hardly believe it, though I know you +ARE the man. But I wish you would tell me--" + +"All about myself?" And Santoris smiled--"I will, with pleasure!--if +the story does not bore you. There is no mystery about it--no 'black +magic,' or 'occultism' of any kind. I have done nothing since I left +college but adapt myself to the forces of Nature, AND TO USE THEM WHEN +NECESSARY. The same way of life is open to all--and the same results +are bound to follow." + +"Results? Such as--?" queried Brayle. + +"Health, youth and power!" answered Santoris, with an involuntary +slight clenching of the firm, well-shaped hand that rested lightly on +the table,--"Command of oneself!--command of body, command of spirit, +and so on through an ever ascending scale! Every man with the breath of +God in him is a master, not a slave!" + +My heart beat quickly as he spoke; something rose up in me like a +response to a call, and I wondered--Did he assume to master ME? No! I +would not yield to that! If yielding were necessary, it must be my own +free will that gave in, not his compelling influence! As this thought +ran through my brain I met his eyes,--he smiled a little, and I saw he +had guessed my mind. The warm blood rushed to my cheeks in a fervent +glow, nevertheless the defiance of my soul was strong--as strong as the +love which had begun to dominate me. And I listened eagerly as he went +on. + +"I began at Oxford by playing the slave part," he said--"a slave to +conventions and fossil-methods of instruction. One can really learn +more from studying the actual formation of rocks than from those worthy +Dons whom nothing will move out of their customary ruts of routine. +Even at that early time I felt that, given a man of health and good +physical condition, with sound brain, sound lungs and firm nerves, it +was not apparent why he, evidently born to rule, should put himself +into the leading strings of Oxford or any other forcing-bed of +intellectual effort. That it would be better if such an one took +HIMSELF in hand and tried to find out HIS OWN meaning, both in relation +to the finite and infinite gradations of Spirit and Matter. And I +resolved to enter upon the task--without allowing myself to fear +failure or to hope for success. My aim was to discover Myself and my +meaning, if such a thing were possible. No atom, however infinitesimal, +is without origin, history, place and use in the Universe--and I, a +conglomerated mass of atoms called Man, resolved to search out the +possibilities, finite and infinite, of my own entity. With this aim I +began--with this aim I continued." + +"Your task is not finished, then?" put in Dr. Brayle, with a smilingly +incredulous air. + +"It will never be finished," answered Santoris--"An eternal thing has +no end." + +There was a moment's silence. + +"Well,--go on, Santoris!" said Mr. Harland, with a touch of +impatience,--"And tell us especially what we all of us are chiefly +anxious to know--how it is that you are young when according to the +time of the world you should be old?" + +Santoris smiled again. + +"Ah! That is a purely personal touch of inquisitiveness!" he +answered--"It is quite human and natural, of course, but not always +wise. In every great lesson of life or scientific discovery people ask +first of all 'How can _I_ benefit by it?' or 'How will it affect ME?' +And while asking the question they yet will not trouble to get an +answer OUT OF THEMSELVES,--but they turn to others for the solution of +the mystery. To keep young is not at all difficult; when certain simple +processes of Nature are mastered the difficulty is to grow old!" + +We all sat silent, waiting in mute expectancy. The servants had left +us, and only the fruits and dainties of dessert remained to tempt us in +baskets and dishes of exquisitely coloured Venetian glass, contrasting +with the graceful clusters of lovely roses and lilies which added their +soft charm to the decorative effect of the table, and Santoris passed +the wine, a choice Chateau-Yquem, round to us all before beginning to +speak again. And when he did speak, it was in a singularly quiet, +musical voice which exercised a kind of spell upon my ears--I had heard +that voice before--ah!--how often! How often through the course of my +life had I listened to it wonderingly in dreams of which the waking +morning brought no explanation! How it had stolen upon me like an echo +from far away, when alone in the pauses of work and thought I had +longed for some comprehension and sympathy! And I had reproached myself +for my own fancies and imaginings, deeming them wholly foolish and +irresponsible! And now! Now its gentle and familiar tone went straight +to the centre of my spiritual consciousness, and forced me to realise +that for the Soul there is no escape from its immortal remembrance! + + + + +XI + +ONE WAY OF LOVE + + +"When I left Oxford," he said--"as I told you before, I left what I +conceived to be slavery--that is, a submissively ordered routine of +learning in which there occurred nothing new--nothing hopeful--nothing +really serviceable. I mastered all there was to master, and carried +away 'honours' which I deemed hardly worth winning. It was supposed +then--most people would suppose it--that as I found myself the +possessor of an income of between five and six thousand a year, I would +naturally 'live my life,' as the phrase goes, and enter upon what is +called a social career. Now to my mind a social career simply means +social sham--and to live my life had always a broader application for +me than for the majority of men. So, having ascertained all I could +concerning myself and my affairs from my father's London solicitors, +and learning exactly how I was situated with regard to finances and +what is called the 'practical' side of life, I left England for Egypt, +the land where I was born. I had an object in view,--and that object +was not only to see my own old home, but to find out the whereabouts of +a certain great sage and mystic philosopher long known in the East by +the name of Heliobas." + +I started, and the blood rushed to my cheeks in a burning flame. + +"I think YOU knew him," he went on, addressing me directly, with a +straight glance--"You met him some years back, did you not?" + +I bent my head in silent assent,--and saw the eyes of my host and +hostess turned upon me in questioning scrutiny. + +"In a certain circle of students and mystics he was renowned," +continued Santoris,--"and I resolved to see what he could make of +me--what he would advise, and how I should set to work to discover what +I had resolved to find. However, at the end of a long and tedious +journey, I met with disappointment--Heliobas had removed to another +sphere of action--" + +"He was dead, you mean," interposed Mr. Harland. + +"Not at all," answered Santoris, calmly. "There is no death. To put it +quite simply, he had reached the top of his class in this particular +school of life and learning and, therefore, was ready and willing to +pass on into the higher grade. He, however, left a successor capable of +maintaining the theories he inculcated,--a man named Aselzion, who +elected to live in an almost inaccessible spot among mountains with a +few followers and disciples. Him I found after considerable +difficulty--and we came to understand each other so well that I stayed +with him some time studying all that he deemed needful before I started +on my own voyage of discovery. His methods of instruction were arduous +and painful--in fact, I may say I went through a veritable ordeal of +fire--" + +He broke off, and for a moment seemed absorbed in recollections. + +"You are speaking, I suppose, of some rule of life, some kind of +novitiate to which you had to submit yourself," said Mr. Harland--"Or +was it merely a course of study?" + +"In one sense it was a sort of novitiate or probation," answered +Santoris, slowly, with the far-away, musing look still in his eyes--"In +another it was, as you put it, 'merely' a course of study. Merely! It +was a course of study in which every nerve, every muscle, every sinew +was tested to its utmost strength--and in which a combat between the +spiritual and material was fiercely fought till the one could master +the other so absolutely as to hold it in perfect subjection. Well! I +came out of the trial fairly well--strong enough at any rate to stand +alone--as I have done ever since." + +"And to what did your severe ordeal lead?" asked Dr. Brayle, who by +this time appeared interested, though still wearing his incredulous, +half-sneering air--"To anything which you could not have gained just as +easily without it?" + +Santoris looked straight at him. His keen eyes glowed as though some +bright fire of the soul had leaped into them. + +"In the first place," he answered--"it led me to power! Power,--not +only over myself but over all things small and great that surround or +concern my being. I think you will admit that if a man takes up any +line of business, it is necessary for him to understand all its +technical methods and practical details. My business was and IS +Life!--the one thing that humanity never studies, and therefore fails +to master." + +Mr. Harland looked up. + +"Life is mysterious and inexplicable," he said--"We cannot tell why we +live. No one can fathom that mystery. We are Here through no conscious +desire of our own,--and again we are NOT here just as we have learned +to accommodate ourselves to the fact of being Anywhere!" + +"True!" answered Santoris--"But to understand the 'why' of life we must +first of all realise that its origin Is Love. Love creates life because +it MUST; even agnostics, when pushed to the wall in argument grant that +some mysterious and mighty Force is at the back of creation,--a Force +which is both intelligent and beneficent. The trite saying 'God is +Love' is true enough, but it is quite as true to say 'Love is God.' The +commencement of universes, solar systems and worlds is the desire of +Love to express Itself. No more and no less than this. From desire +springs action,--from action life. It only remains for each living unit +to bring itself into harmonious union with this one fundamental law of +the whole cosmos,--the expression and action of Love which is based, as +naturally it must be, on a dual entity." + +"What do you mean by that?" asked Dr. Brayle. + +"As a physician, and I presume as a scientist, you ought scarcely to +ask," replied Santoris, with a slight smile. "For you surely know there +is no single thing in the Universe. The very microbes of disease or +health go in pairs. Light and darkness,--the up and the down,--the +right and the left,--the storm and the calm,--the male and the +female,--all things are dual; and the sorrows of humanity are for the +most part the result of ill-assorted numbers,--figures brought together +that will not count up properly--wrong halves of the puzzle that will +never fit into place. The mischief runs through all +civilization,--wrong halves of races brought together which do not and +never can assimilate,--and in an individual personal sense wrong halves +of spirit and matter are often forced together which are bound by law +to separate in time with some attendant disaster. The error is caused +by the obstinate miscomprehension of man himself as to the nature and +extent of his own powers and faculties. He forgets that he is not 'as +the beasts that perish,' but that he has the breath of God in +him,--that he holds within himself the seed of immortality which is +perpetually re-creative. He is bound by all the laws of the Universe to +give that immortal life its dual entity and attendant power, without +which he cannot attain his highest ends. It may take him thousands of +years--cycles of time,--but it has to be done. Materially speaking, he +may perhaps consider that he has secured his dual entity by a pleasing +or fortunate marriage--but if he is not spiritually mated, his marriage +is useless,--ay! worse than useless, as it only interposes fresh +obstacles between himself and his intended progress." + +"Marriage can hardly be called a useless institution," said Dr. Brayle, +with an uplifting of his sinister brows; "It helps to populate the +world." + +"It does," answered Santoris, calmly--"But if the pairs that are joined +in marriage have no spiritual bond between them and nothing beyond the +attraction of the mere body--they people the world with more or less +incapable, unthinking and foolish creatures like themselves. And +supposing these to be born in tens of millions, like ants or flies, +they will not carry on the real purpose of man's existence to anything +more than that stoppage and recoil which is called Death, but which in +reality is only a turning back of the wheels of time when the right +road has been lost and it becomes imperative to begin the journey all +over again." + +We sat silent; no one had any comment to offer. + +"We are arriving at that same old turning-point once more," he +continued--"The Western civilisation of two thousand years, assisted +(and sometimes impeded) by the teachings of Christianity, is nearing +its end. Out of the vast wreckage of nations, now imminent, only a few +individuals can be saved,--and the storm is so close at hand that one +can almost hear the mutterings of the thunder! But why should I or you +or anyone else think about it? We have our own concerns to attend +to--and we attend to these so well that we forget all the most vital +necessities that should make them of any importance! However--in this +day--nothing matters! Shall I go on with my own story, or have you +heard enough?" + +"Not half enough!" said Catherine Harland, quite suddenly--she had +scarcely spoken before, but she now leaned forward, looking eagerly +interested--"You speak of power over yourself,--do you possess the same +power over others?" + +"Not unless they come into my own circle of action," he answered. "It +would not be worth my while to exert any influence on persons who are, +and ever must be, indifferent to me. I can, of course, defend myself +against enemies--and that without lifting a hand." + +Everyone, save myself, looked at him inquisitively,--but he did not +explain his meaning. He went on very quietly with his own personal +narrative. + +"As I have told you," he said--"I came out of my studies with Aselzion +successfully enough to feel justified in going on with my work alone. I +took up my residence in Egypt in my father's old home--a pretty place +enough with wide pleasure grounds planted thickly with palm trees and +richly filled with flowers,--and here I undertook the mastery and +comprehension of the most difficult subject ever propounded for +learning--the most evasive, complex, yet exact piece of mathematics +ever set out for solving--Myself! Myself was my puzzle! How to unite +myself with Nature so thoroughly as to insinuate myself into her +secrets,--possess all she could offer me,--and yet detach myself from +Self so completely as to be ready to sacrifice all I had gained at a +moment's notice should that moment come." + +"You are paradoxical," said Mr. Harland, irritably. "What's the use of +gaining anything if it is to be lost at a moment's bidding?" + +"It is the only way to hold and keep whatever there is to win," +answered Santoris, calmly--"And the paradox is no greater than that of +'He that loveth his life shall lose it.' The only 'moment' of supreme +self-surrender is Love--when that comes everything else must go. Love +alone can compass life, perfect it, complete it and carry it on to +eternal happiness. But please bear in mind that I am speaking of real +Love,--not mere physical attraction. The two things are as different as +light from darkness." + +"Is your curious conception or ideal of love the reason, why you have +never married?" asked Brayle, abruptly. + +"Precisely!" replied Santoris. "It is most unquestionably and +emphatically the reason why I have never married." + +There was a pause. I saw Catherine glancing at him with a strange +furtiveness in which there was something of fear. + +"You have never met your ideal, I suppose?" she asked, with a faint +smile. + +"Oh yes, I've met her!" he answered--"Ages ago! On many occasions I +have met her;--sometimes she has estranged herself from me,--sometimes +she has been torn from me by others--and still more often I have, +through my own folly and obstinacy, separated myself from her--but our +mutual mistakes do no more than delay the inevitable union at +last."--Here he spoke slowly and with marked meaning--"For it IS an +inevitable union!--as inevitable as that of two electrons which, after +spinning in space for certain periods of time, rush together at last +and remain so indissolubly united that nothing can ever separate them." + +"And then?" queried Dr. Brayle, with an ironical air. + +"Then? Why, everything is possible then! Beauty, perfection, wisdom, +progress, creativeness, and a world--even worlds--of splendid thought +and splendid ideals, bound to lead to still more splendid realisation! +It is not difficult to imagine two brains, two minds moving so +absolutely in unison that like a grand chord of music they strike +harmony through hitherto dumb life-episodes--but think of two immortal +souls full of a love as deathless as themselves, conjoined in highest +effort and superb attainment!--the love of angel for angel, of god for +god! You think this ideal +imaginative,--transcendental--impossible!--yet I swear to you it is the +most REAL possibility in this fleeting mirage of a world!" + +His voice thrilled with a warmth of feeling and conviction, and as I +heard him speak I trembled inwardly with a sudden remorse--a quick +sense of inferiority and shame. Why could I not let myself go? Why did +I not give the fluttering spirit within me room to expand its wings? +Something opposing,--something inimical to my peace and happiness held +me back--and presently I began to wonder whether I should attribute it +to the influence of those with whom I was temporarily associated. I was +almost confirmed in this impression when Mr. Harland's voice, harsh and +caustic as it could be when he was irritated or worsted in an argument, +broke the momentary silence. + +"You are more impossible now than you ever were at Oxford, Santoris!" +he said--"You out-transcend all transcendentalism! You know, or you +ought to know by this time, that there is no such thing as an immortal +soul--and if you believe otherwise you have brought yourself +voluntarily into that state of blind credulity. All science teaches us +that we are the mere spawn of the planet on which we live,--we are here +to make the best of it for ourselves and for others who come after +us--and there's an end. What is called Love is the mere physical +attraction between the two sexes--no more,--and it soon palls. All that +we gain we quickly cease to care for--it is the way of humanity." + +"What a poor creation humanity is, then!" said Santoris, with a +smile--"How astonishing that it should exist at all for no higher aims +than those of the ant or the mouse! My dear Harland, if your beliefs +were really sound we should be bound in common duty and charity to stop +the population of the world altogether--for the whole business is +useless. Useless and even cruel, for it is nothing but a crime to allow +people to be born for no other end than extinction! However, keep your +creeds! I thank Heaven they are not mine!" + +Mr. Harland gave a slight movement of impatience. I could see that he +was disturbed in his mind. + +"Let's talk of something I can follow," he said--"the personal and +material side of things. Your perennial condition of health, for +example. Your apparent youth--" + +"Oh, is it only 'apparent'?" laughed Santoris, gaily--"Well, to those +who never knew me in my boyhood's days and are therefore never hurling +me back to their 'thirty years or more ago' of friendship, etc., my +youth seems very actual! You see their non-ability to count up the time +I have spent on earth obliges them to accept me at my own valuation! +There's really nothing to explain in the matter. Everyone can keep +young if he understands himself and Nature. If I were to tell you the +literal truth of the process, you would not believe me,--and even if +you did you would not have the patience to carry it out! But what does +it matter after all? If we only live for the express purpose of dying, +the sooner we get the business over and done with the better--youth +itself has no charms under such circumstances. All the purposes of +life, however lofty and nobly planned, are bound to end in +nothingness,--and it is hardly worth while taking the trouble to +breathe the murderous air!" + +He spoke with a kind of passion--his eyes were luminous--his face +transfigured with an almost superhuman glow, and we all looked at him +in something of amazement. + +Mr. Harland fidgeted uneasily in his chair. + +"You go too far!" he said--"Life is agreeable as long as it lasts--" + +"Have you found it so?" Santoris interrupted him. "Has it not, even in +your pursuit and attainment of wealth, brought you more pain than +pleasure? Number up all the possibilities of life, from the existence +of the labourer in his hut to that of the king on his throne, they are +none of them worth striving for or keeping if death is the ultimate +end. Ambition is merest folly,--wealth a temporary possession of +perishable goods which must pass to others,--fame a brief noise of +one's name in mouths that will soon be dumb,--and love, sex-attraction +only. What a treacherous and criminal act, then, is this Creation of +Universes!--what mad folly!--what sheer, blind, reasonless wickedness!" + +There was a silence. His eyes flashed from one to the other of us. + +"Can you deny it?" he demanded. "Can you find any sane, logical reason +for the continuance of life which is to end in utter extinction, or for +the creation of worlds doomed to eternal destruction?" + +No one spoke. + +"You have no answer ready," he said--and smiled--"Naturally! For an +answer is impossible! And here you have the key to what you consider my +mystery--the mystery of keeping young instead of growing old--the +secret of living instead of dying! It is simply the conscious PRACTICAL +realisation that there is no Death, but only Change. That is the first +part of the process. Change, or transmutation and transformation of the +atoms and elements of which we are composed, is going on for ever +without a second's cessation,--it began when we were born and before we +were born--and the art of LIVING YOUNG consists simply in using one's +soul and will-power to guide this process of change towards the ends we +desire, instead of leaving it to blind chance and to the association +with inimical influences, which interfere with our best actions. For +example--I--a man in sound health and condition--realise that with +every moment SOME change is working in me towards SOME end. It rests +entirely with myself as to whether the change shall be towards +continuance of health or towards admission of disease--towards +continuance of youth or towards the encouragement of age,--towards life +as it presents itself to me now, or towards some other phase of life as +I perceive it in the future. I can advance or retard myself as I +please--the proper management of Myself being my business. If I should +suffer pain or illness I am very sure it will be chiefly through my own +fault--if I invite decay and decrepitude, it will be because I allow +these forces to encroach upon my well-being--in fact, briefly--I AM +what I WILL to be!--and all the laws that brought me into existence +support me in this attitude of mind, body and spirit!" + +"If we could all become what we WOULD be," said Dr. Brayle, "we should +attain the millennium!" + +"Are you sure of that?" queried Santoris. "Would it not rather depend +on the particular choice each one of us might make? You, for example, +might wish to be something that would hardly tend to your +happiness,--and your wish being obtained you might become what (if you +had only realised it) you would give worlds not to be! Some men desire +to be thieves--even murderers--and become so--but the end of their +desires is not perhaps what they imagined!" + +"Can you read people's thoughts?" asked Catherine, suddenly. + +Santoris looked amused. He replied by a counter question. + +"Would you be sorry if I could?" + +She flushed a little. I smiled, knowing what was in her mind. + +"It would be a most unpleasant accomplishment--that of reading the +thoughts of others," said Mr. Harland; "I would rather not cultivate +it." "But Mr. Santoris almost implies that he possesses it," said Dr. +Brayle, with a touch of irritation in his manner; "And, after all, +'thought-reading' is a kind of society amusement nowadays. There is +nothing very difficult in it." + +"Nothing, indeed!" agreed Santoris, lightly; "And being as easy as it +is, why do you not show us at once that antique piece of jewellery you +have in your pocket! You brought it with you this evening to show to me +and ask my opinion of its value, did you not?" + +Brayle's eyes opened in utter amazement. If ever a man was taken +completely by surprise, he was. + +"How did you know?" he began, stammeringly, while Mr. Harland, equally +astonished, stared at him through his round spectacles as though +challenging some defiance. + +Santoris laughed. + +"Thought-reading is only a society amusement, as you have just +observed," he said--"And I have been amusing myself with it for the +last few minutes. Come!--let us see your treasure!" + +Dr. Brayle was thoroughly embarrassed,--but he tried to cover his +confusion by an awkward laugh. + +"Well, you have made a very clever hit!" he said--"Quite a random shot, +of course--which by mere coincidence went to its mark! It's quite true +I have brought with me a curious piece of jewel-work which I always +carry about wherever I go--and something moved me to-night to ask your +opinion of its value, as well as to place its period. It is old +Italian; but even experts are not agreed as to its exact date." + +He put his hand in his breast pocket and drew out a small silk bag from +which he took with great care a collar of jewels, designed in a kind of +chain-work which made it perfectly flexible. He laid it out on the +table,--and I bit my lip hard to suppress an involuntary exclamation. +For I had seen the thing before--and for the immediate moment could not +realise where, till a sudden flash of light through the cells of my +brain reminded me of that scene of love and death in the vision of the +artist's studio when the name 'Cosmo de Medicis' had been whispered +like an evil omen. The murderer in that dream-picture had worn a collar +of jewels precisely similar to the one I now saw; but I could only keep +silence and listen with every nerve strained to utmost attention while +Santoris took the ornament in his hand and looked at it with an intent +earnestness in which there was almost a touch of compassion. + +"A beautiful piece of workmanship," he said, at last, slowly, while Mr. +Harland, Catherine, and Swinton the secretary all drew up closer to him +at the table and leaned eagerly forward--"And I should say"--here he +raised his eyes and looked full at the dark, brooding, sinister face of +Brayle--"I should say that it belonged to the Medici period. It must +have been part of the dress of a nobleman of that time--the design +seems to me to be Florentine. Perhaps if these jewels could speak they +might tell a strange story!--they are unhappy stones!" + +"Unhappy!" exclaimed Catherine--"You mean unlucky?" + +"No!--there is no such thing as luck," answered Santoris, quietly, +turning the collar over and over in his hands--"Not for either jewels +or men! But there IS unhappiness,--and unhappiness simply means life +being put to wrong uses. I call these gems 'unhappy' because they have +been wrongfully used. A precious stone is a living thing--it absorbs +influences as the earth absorbs light, and these jewels have absorbed +some sense of evil that renders them less beautiful than they might be. +These diamonds and rubies, these emeralds and sapphires, have not the +full lustre of their own true nature,--they are in the condition of +pining flowers. It will take centuries before they resume their natural +brilliancy. There is some tragedy hidden among them." + +Dr. Brayle looked amused. + +"Well, I can give you no history of them," he said--"A friend of mine +bought the collar from an old Jew curiosity dealer in a back street of +Florence and sent it to me to wear with a Florentine dress at a fancy +dress ball. Curiously enough I chose to represent one of the Medicis, +some artist having told me my features resembled their type of +countenance. That's the chronicle, so far as I am concerned. I rather +liked it on account of its antiquity. I could have sold it many times +over, but I have no desire to part with it." + +"Naturally!"--and Santoris passed on the collar to everyone to +examine--"You feel a sense of proprietorship in it." + +Catherine Harland had the trinket in her hand, and a curious vague look +of terror came over her face as she presently passed it back to its +owner. But she made no remark and it was Mr. Harland who resumed the +conversation. + +"That's an odd idea of yours about unhappy jewels," he said--"Perhaps +the misfortune attending the possessors of the famous blue Hope diamond +could be traced to some early tragedy connected with it." + +"Unquestionably!" replied Santoris. "Now look at this!"--and he drew +from his watch pocket a small fine gold chain to which was attached a +moonstone of singular size and beauty, set in a circle of +diamonds--"Here is a sort of talismanic jewel--it has never known any +disastrous influences, nor has it been disturbed by malevolent +surroundings. It is a perfectly happy, unsullied gem! As you see, the +lustre is perfect--as clear as that of a summer moon in heaven. Yet it +is a very old jewel and has seen more than a thousand years of life." + +We all examined the beautiful ornament, and as I held it in my hand a +moment it seemed to emit tiny sparks of luminance like a flash of +moonlight on rippling waves. + +"Women should take care that their jewels are made happy," he +continued, looking at me with a slight smile, "That is, if they want +them to shine. Nothing that lives is at its best unless it is in a +condition of happiness--a condition which after all is quite easy to +attain." + +"Easy! I should have thought nothing was so difficult!" said Mr. +Harland. + +"Nothing certainly is so difficult in the ordinary way of life men +choose to live," answered Santoris--"For the most part they run after +the shadow and forsake the light. Even in work and the creative action +of thought each ordinary man imagines that his especial work being +all-important, it is necessary for him to sacrifice everything to it. +And he does,--if he is filled with worldly ambition and selfish +concentration; and he produces something--anything--which frequently +proves to be ephemeral as gossamer dust. It is only when work is the +outcome of a great love and keen sympathy for others that it lasts and +keeps its influence. Now we have talked enough about all these +theories, which are not interesting to anyone who is not prepared to +accept them--shall we go up on deck?" + +We all rose at once, Santoris holding out a box of cigars to the men to +help themselves. Catherine and I preceded them up the saloon stairs to +the deck, which was now like a sheet of silver in the light shed by one +of the loveliest moons of the year. The water around was sparkling with +phosphorescence and the dark mountains looked higher and more imposing +than ever, rising as they seemed to do sheer up from the white +splendour of the sea. I leaned over the deck rail, gazing down into the +deep liquid mirror of stars below, and my heart was heavy and full of a +sense of bitterness and tears. Catherine had dropped languidly into a +chair and was leaning back in it with a strange, far-away expression on +her tired face. Suddenly she spoke with an almost mournful gentleness. + +"Do you like his theories?" + +I turned towards her enquiringly. + +"I mean, do you like the idea of there being no death and that we only +change from one life to another and so on for ever?" she continued. "To +me it is appalling! Sometimes I think death the kindest thing that can +happen--especially for women." + +I was in the mood to agree with her. I went up to her and knelt down by +her side. + +"Yes!" I said, and I felt the tremor of tears in my voice--"Yes, for +women death often seems very kind! When there is no love and no hope of +love,--when the world is growing grey and the shadows are deepening +towards night,--when the ones we most dearly love misjudge and mistrust +us and their hearts are closed against our tenderness, then death seems +the greatest god of all!--one before whom we may well kneel and offer +up our prayers! Who could, who WOULD live for ever quite alone in an +eternity without love? Oh, how much kinder, how much sweeter would be +utter extinction--" + +My voice broke; and Catherine, moved by some sudden womanly impulse, +put her arm round me. + +"Why, you are crying!" she said, softly. "What is it? You, who are +always so bright and happy!" + +I quickly controlled the weakness of my tears. + +"Yes, it is foolish!" I said--"But I feel to-night as if I had wasted a +good part of my life in useless research,--in looking for what has +been, after all, quite close to my hand,--only that I failed to see +it!--and that I must go back upon the road I thought I had passed--" + +Here I paused. I saw she could not understand me. + +"Catherine," I went on, abruptly--"Will you let me leave you in a day +or two? I have been quite a fortnight with you on board the 'Diana,' +and I think I have had enough holiday. I should like"--and I looked up +at her from where I knelt--"I should like to part from you while we +remain good friends--and I have an idea that perhaps we shall not agree +so well if we learn to know more of each other." + +She bent her eyes upon me with a half-frightened expression. + +"How strange you should think that!" she murmured--"I have felt the +same--and yet I really like you very much--I always liked you--I wish +you would believe it!" + +I smiled. + +"Dear Catherine," I said--"it is no use shutting our eyes to the fact +that while there is something which attracts us to each other, there is +also something which repels. We cannot argue about it or analyse it. +Such mysterious things DO occur,--and they are beyond our searching +out--" + +"But," she interrupted, quickly--"we were not so troubled by these +mysterious things till we met this man Santoris--" + +She broke off, and I rose to my feet, as just then Santoris approached, +accompanied by Mr. Harland and the others. + +"I have suggested giving you a sail by moonlight before you leave," he +said. "It will be an old experience for you under new conditions. +Sailing by moonlight in an ordinary sense is an ordinary thing,--but +sailing by moonlight with the moonlight as part of our motive power has +perhaps a touch of originality." + +As he spoke he made a sign to one of his men who came up to receive his +orders, which were given in too low a tone for us to hear. Easy deck +chairs were placed for all the party, and we were soon seated in a +group together, somewhat silently at first, our attention being +entirely riveted on the wonderful, almost noiseless way in which the +sails of the 'Dream' were unfurled. There was no wind,--the night was +warm and intensely still--the sea absolutely calm. Like broad white +wings, the canvas gradually spread out under the deft, quick hands of +the sailors employed in handling it,--the anchor was drawn up in the +same swift and silent manner--then there came an instant's pause. Mr. +Harland drew his cigar from his mouth and looked up amazed, as we all +did, at the mysterious way in which the sails filled out, pulling the +cordage tightly into bands of iron strength,--and none of us could +restrain an involuntary cry of wonder and admiration as their whiteness +began to glitter with the radiance of hoar-frost, the strange luminance +deepening in intensity till it seemed as if the whole stretch of canvas +from end to end of the magnificent schooner was a mass of fine +jewel-work sparkling under the moon. + +"Well! However much I disagree with your theories of life, Santoris," +said Mr. Harland,--"I will give you full credit for this extraordinary +yacht of yours! It's the most wonderful thing I ever saw, and you are a +wonderful fellow to have carried out such an unique application of +science. You ought to impart your secret to the world." + +Santoris laughed lightly. + +"And the world would take a hundred years or more to discuss it, +consider it, deny it, and finally accept it," he said--"No! One grows +tired of asking the world to be either wise or happy. It prefers its +own way--just as I prefer mine. It will discover the method of sailing +without wind, and it will learn how to make every sort of mechanical +progress without steam in time--but not in our day,--and I, personally, +cannot afford to wait while it is slowly learning its ABC like a big +child under protest. You see we're going now!" + +We were 'going' indeed,--it would have been more correct to say we were +flying. Over the still water our vessel glided like a moving beautiful +shape of white fire, swiftly and steadily, with no sound save the +little hissing murmur of the water cleft under her keel. And then like +a sudden whisper from fairyland came the ripple of harp-strings, +running upward in phrases of exquisite melody, and a boy's voice, +clear, soft and full, began to sing, with a pure enunciation which +enabled us to hear every word: + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + What path of the flashing sea + Seems best for you and me? + No matter the way, + By night or day, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + Into the rosy grace + Of the sun's deep setting-place? + We need not know + How far we go, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + To the glittering rainbow strand + Of Love's enchanted land? + We ask not where + In earth or air, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + On to the life divine,-- + Your soul made one with mine! + In Heaven or Hell + All must be well, + So long as we sail together! + +The song finished with a passionate chord which, played as it was with +swift intensity, seemed to awaken a response from the sea,--at any rate +a strange shivering echo trembled upward as it were from the water and +floated into the spacious silence of the night. My heart beat with +uncomfortable quickness and my eyes grew hot with the weight of +suppressed tears;--why could I not escape from the cruel, restraining +force that held my real self prisoner as with manacles of steel? I +could not even speak; and while the others were clapping their hands in +delighted applause at the beauty of both voice and song, I sat silent. + +"He sings well!" said Santoris--"He is the Eastern lad you saw when you +came on deck this morning. I brought him from Egypt. He will give us +another song presently. Shall we walk a little?" + +We rose and paced the deck slowly, gradually dividing in couples, +Catherine and Dr. Brayle--Mr. Harland and his secretary,--Santoris and +myself. We two paused together at the stern of the vessel looking +towards the bowsprit, which seemed to pierce the distance of sea and +sky like a flying arrow. + +"You wish to speak to me alone," said Santoris, then--"Do you not? +Though I know what you want to say!" + +I glanced at him with a touch of defiance. + +"Then I need not speak," I answered. + +"No, you need not speak, unless you give utterance to what is in your +true soul," he said--"I would rather you did not play at conventions +with me." + +For the moment I felt almost angry. + +"I do not play at conventions," I murmured. + +"Oh, do you not? Is that quite candid?" + +I raised my eyes and met his,--he was smiling. Some of the oppression +in my soul suddenly gave way, and I spoke hurriedly in a low tone. + +"Surely you know how difficult it is for me?" I said. "Things have +happened so strangely,--and we are surrounded here by influences that +compel conventionality. I cannot speak to you as frankly as I would +under other circumstances. It is easy for YOU to be yourself;--you have +gained the mastery over all lesser forces than your own. But with me it +is different--perhaps when I am away I shall be able to think more +calmly--" + +"You are going away?" he asked, gently. + +"Yes. It is better so." + +He remained silent. I went on, quickly. + +"I am going away because I feel inadequate and unable to cope with my +present surroundings. I have had some experience of the same influences +before--I know I have--" + +"I also!" he interrupted. + +"Well, you must realise this better than I," and I looked at him now +with greater courage--"and if you have, you know they have led to +trouble. I want you to help me." + +"I? To help you?" he said. "How can I help you when you leave me?" + +There was something infinitely sad in his voice,--and the old fear came +over me like a chill--'lest I should lose what I had gained!' + +"If I leave you," I said, tremblingly--"I do so because I am not worthy +to be with you! Oh, can you not see this in me?" For as I spoke he took +my hand in his and held it with a kindly clasp--"I am so self-willed, +so proud, so unworthy! There are a thousand things I would say to you, +but I dare not--not here, or now!" + +"No one will approach us," he said, still holding my hand--"I am +keeping the others, unconsciously to themselves, at a distance till you +have finished speaking. Tell me some of these thousand things!" + +I looked up at him and saw the deep lustre of his eyes filled with a +great tenderness. He drew me a little closer to his side. + +"Tell me," he persisted, softly--"Is there very much that we do not, if +we are true to each other, know already?" + +"YOU know more than I do!" I answered--"And I want to be equal with +you! I do! I cannot be content to feel that I am groping in the dark +weakly and blindly while you are in the light, strong and +self-contained! You can help me--and you WILL help me! You will tell me +where I should go and study as you did with Aselzion!" + +He started back, amazed. + +"With Aselzion! Dear, forgive me! You are a woman! It is impossible +that you should suffer so great an ordeal,--so severe a strain! And why +should you attempt it? If you would let me, I would be sufficient for +you." "But I will not let you!" I said, quickly, roused to a kind of +defiant energy--"I wish to go to the very source of your instruction, +and then I shall see where I stand with regard to you! If I stay here +now--" + +"It will be the same old story over again!" he said--"Love--and +mistrust! Then drifting apart in the same weary way! Is it not possible +to avoid the errors of the past?" + +"No!" I said, resolutely--"For me it is not possible! I cannot yield to +my own inward promptings. They offer me too much happiness! I doubt the +joy,--I fear the glory!" + +My voice trembled--the very clasp of his hand unnerved me. + +"I will tell you," he said, after a brief pause, "what you feel. You +are perfectly conscious that between you and myself there is a tie +which no power, earthly or heavenly, can break,--but you are living in +a matter-of-fact world with matter-of-fact persons, and the influence +they exert is to make you incredulous of the very truths which are an +essential part of your spiritual existence. I understand all this. I +understand also why you wish to go to the House of Aselzion, and you +shall go--" + +I uttered an exclamation of relief and pleasure. His eyes grew dark +with earnest gravity as he looked at me. + +"You are pleased at what you cannot realise," he said, slowly--"If you +go to the House of Aselzion--and I see you are determined--it will be a +matter of such vital import that it can only mean one of two +things,--your entire happiness or your entire misery. I cannot +contemplate with absolute calmness the risk you run,--and yet it is +better that you should follow the dictates of your own soul than be as +you are now--irresolute,--uncertain of yourself and ready to lose all +you have gained!" + +'To lose all I have gained.' The old insidious terror! I met his +searching gaze imploringly. + +"I must not lose anything!" I said, and my voice sank lower,--"I cannot +bear--to lose YOU!" + +His hand closed on mine with a tighter grasp. + +"Yet you doubt!" he said, softly. + +"I must KNOW!" I said, resolutely. + +He lifted his head with a proud gesture that was curiously familiar to +me. + +"So the old spirit is not dead in you, my queen," he said, smiling. +"The old indomitable will!--the desire to probe to the very centre of +things! Yet love defies analysis,--and is the only thing that binds the +Universe together. A fact beyond all proving--a truth which cannot be +expounded by any given rule or line but which is the most emphatic +force of life! My queen, it is a force that must either bend or break +you!" + +I made no reply. He still held my hand, and we looked out together on +the shining expanse of the sea where there was no vessel visible and +where our schooner alone flew over the watery, moonlit surface like a +winged flame. + +"In your working life," he continued, gently, "you have done much. You +have thought clearly, and you have not been frightened away from any +eternal fact by the difficulties of research. But in your living life +you have missed more than you will care to know. You have been content +to remain a passive recipient of influences--you have not thoroughly +learned how to combine and use them. You have overcome altogether what +are generally the chief obstacles in the way of a woman's higher +progress,--her inherent childishness--her delight in imagining herself +wronged or neglected,--her absurd way of attaching weighty importance +to the merest trifles--her want of balance, and the foolish resentment +she feels at being told any of her faults,--this is all past in you, +and you stand free of the shackles of sheer stupidity which makes so +many women impossible to deal with from a man's standpoint, and which +renders it almost necessary for men to estimate them at a low +intellectual standard. For even in the supreme passion of love, +millions of women are only capable of understanding its merely physical +side, while the union of soul with soul is never consummated: + + Where is that love supreme + In which souls meet? Where is it satisfied? + En-isled on heaving sands + Of lone desire, spirit to spirit cries, + While float across the skies + Bright phantoms of fair lands, + Where fancies fade not and where dreams abide." + +His voice dropped to the softest musical cadence, and I looked up. He +answered my look. + +"Dear one!" he said, "You shall go to the House of Aselzion, and with +you will be the future!" + +He let go my hand very gently--I felt a sudden sense of utter +loneliness. + +"You do not--you will not misjudge me?" I said. + +"I! Dear, I have made so many errors of judgment in the past and I have +lost you so many times, that I shall do nothing now which might lose +you again!" + +He smiled, and for one moment I was impelled to throw hesitation to the +winds and say all that I knew in my inmost self ought to be said,--but +my rebellious will held me back, and I remained silent,--while he +turned away and rejoined the rest of the party, with whom he was soon +chatting in such a cheery, easy fashion that they appeared to forget +that there was anything remarkable about him or about his wonderful +vessel, which had now turned on her course and was carrying us back to +Loch Scavaig at a speed which matched the fleetest wind. When she +arrived at her former anchorage just opposite the 'Diana,' we saw that +all the crew of Mr. Harland's yacht were on deck watching our +movements, which must have been well worth watching considering what an +amazing spectacle the 'Dream' made of herself and her glittering sails +against the dark loch and mountains,--so brilliant indeed as almost to +eclipse the very moon. But the light began to pale as soon as we +dropped anchor, and very soon faded out completely, whereupon the +sailors hauled down canvas, uttering musical cries as they pulled and +braced it together. This work done, they retired, and a couple of +servants waited upon our party, bringing wine and fruit as a parting +refreshment before we said good-night,--and once again the sweet voice +of the Egyptian boy singer smote upon our ears, with a prelude of +harp-strings: + +Good-night,--farewell! If it should chance that nevermore we meet, +Remember that the hours we spent together here were sweet! + +Good-night,--farewell! If henceforth different ways of life we wend, +Remember that I sought to walk beside you to the end! + +Good-night,--farewell! When present things are merged into the past, +Remember that I love you and shall love you to the last! + +My heart beat with a quick and sudden agony of pain--was it, could it +be true that I was of my own accord going to sever myself from one whom +I knew,--whom I felt--to be all in all to me? + +"Good-night!" said a low voice close to my ear. + +I started. I had lost myself in a wilderness of thought and memory. +Santoris stood beside me. + +"Your friends are going," he said,--"and I too shall be gone to-morrow!" + +A wave of desolation overcame me. + +"Ah, no!" I exclaimed--"Surely you will not go--" + +"I must," he answered, quietly,--"Are not YOU going? It has been a joy +to meet you, if only for a little while--a pause in the journey,--an +attempt at an understanding!--though you have decided that we must part +again." + +I clasped my hands together in a kind of desperation. + +"What can I do?" I murmured--"If I yielded now to my own impulses--" + +"Ah! If you did"--he said, wistfully--"But you will not; and perhaps, +after all, it is better so. It is no doubt intended that you should be +absolutely certain of yourself this time. And I will not stand in the +way. Good-night,--and farewell!" + +I looked at him with a smile, though the tears were in my eyes. + +"I will not say farewell!" I answered. + +He raised my hands lightly to his lips. + +"That is kind of you!" he said--"and to-morrow you shall hear from me +about Aselzion and the best way for you to see him. He is spending the +summer in Europe, which is fortunate for you, as you will not have to +make so far a journey." + +We broke off our conversation here as the others joined us,--and in a +very little while we had left the 'Dream' and were returning to our own +yacht. To the last, as the motor launch rushed with us through the +water, I kept my eyes fixed on the reposeful figure of Santoris, who +with folded arms on the deck rail of his vessel, watched our departure. +Should I never see him again, I wondered? What was the strange impulse +that had more or less moved my spirit to a kind of opposition against +his, and made me so determined to seek out for myself the things that +he assumed to have mastered? I could not tell. I only knew that from +the moment he had begun to relate the personal narrative of his own +studies and experiences, I had resolved to go through the same training +whatever it was, and learn what he had learned, if such a thing were +possible. I did not think I should succeed so well,--but some new +knowledge I felt I should surely gain. The extraordinary attraction he +exercised over me was growing too strong to resist, yet I was +determined not to yield to it because I doubted both its cause and its +effect. Love, I knew, could not, as he had said, be analysed--but the +love I had always dreamed of was not the love with which the majority +of mankind are content--the mere physical delight which ends in +satiety. It was something not only for time, but for eternity. Away +from Santoris I found it quite easy to give myself up to the dream of +joy which shone before me like the mirage of a promised land,--but in +his company I felt as though something held me back and warned me to +beware of too quickly snatching at a purely personal happiness. + +We reached the 'Diana' in a very few minutes--we had made the little +journey almost in silence, for my companions were, or appeared to be, +as much lost in thought as I was. As we descended to our cabins Mr. +Harland drew me back and detained me alone for a moment. + +"Santoris is going away to-morrow," he said--"He will probably have set +those wonderful sails of his and flown before daybreak. I'm sorry!" + +"So am I," I answered--"But, after all--you would hardly want him to +stay, would you? His theories of life are very curious and upsetting, +and you all think him a sort of charlatan playing with the mysteries of +earth and heaven! If he is able to read thoughts, he cannot be +altogether flattered at the opinion held of him by Dr. Brayle, for +example!" + +Mr. Harland's brows knitted perplexedly. + +"He says he could cure me of my illness," he went on,--"and Brayle +declares that a cure is impossible." + +"You prefer to believe Brayle, of course?" I queried. + +"Brayle is a physician of note," he replied,--"A man who has taken his +degree in medicine and knows what he is talking about. Santoris is +merely a mystic." + +I smiled a little sadly. + +"I see!" And I held out my hand to say good-night. "He is a century +before his time, and maybe it is better to die than forestall a +century." + +Mr. Harland laughed as he pressed my hand cordially. + +"Enigmatical, as usual!" he said--"You and Santoris ought to be +congenial spirits!" + +"Perhaps we are!" I answered, carelessly, as I left him;--"Stranger +things than that have happened!" + + + + +XII + +A LOVE-LETTER + + +To those who are ignorant of, or indifferent to, the psychic forces +working behind all humanity and creating the causes which evolve into +effect, it cannot but seem strange,--even eccentric and abnormal,--that +any one person, or any two persons for that matter, should take the +trouble to try and ascertain the immediate intention and ultimate +object of their lives. The daily routine of ordinary working, feeding +and sleeping existence, varied by little social conventions and +obligations which form a kind of break to the persistent monotony of +the regular treadmill round, should be, they think, sufficient for any +sane, well-balanced, self-respecting creature,--and if a man or woman +elects to stand out of the common ruck and say: "I refuse to live in a +chaos of uncertainties--I will endeavour to know why my particular atom +of self is considered a necessary, if infinitesimal, part of the +Universe,"--such an one is looked upon with either distrust or +derision. In matters of love especially, where the most ill-assorted +halves persist in fitting themselves together as if they could ever +make a perfect whole, a woman is considered foolish if she gives her +affections where it is 'not expedient'--and a man is looked upon as +having 'ruined his career' if he allows a great passion to dominate +him, instead of a calm, well-weighed, respectable sort of sentiment +which has its fitting end in an equally calm, well-weighed, respectable +marriage. These are the laws and observances of social order, excellent +in many respects, but frequently responsible for a great bulk of the +misery attendant upon many forms of human relationship. It is not, +however, possible to the ordinary mind to realise that somewhere and +somehow, every two component parts of a whole MUST come together, +sooner or later, and that herein may be found the key to most of the +great love tragedies of the world. The wrong halves mated,--the right +halves finding each other out and rushing together recklessly and +inopportunely because of the resistless Law which draws them +together,--this is the explanation of many a life's disaster and +despair, as well as of many a life's splendid attainment and victory. +And the trouble or the triumph, whichever it be, will never be lessened +till human beings learn that in love, which is the greatest and most +divine Force on earth or in heaven, the Soul, not the body, must first +be considered, and that no one can fulfil the higher possibilities of +his or her nature, till each individual unit is conjoined with that +only other portion of itself which is as one with it in thought and in +the intuitive comprehension of its higher needs. + +I knew all this well enough, and had known it for years, and it was +hardly necessary for me to dwell upon it, as I sat alone in my cabin +that night, too restless to sleep, and, almost too uneasy even to +think. What had happened to me was simply that I had by a curious +chance or series of chances been brought into connection again with the +individual Soul of a man whom I had known and loved ages ago. To the +psychist, such a circumstance does not seem as strange as it is to the +great majority of people who realise no greater force than Matter, and +who have no comprehension of Spirit, and no wish to comprehend it, +though even the dullest of these often find themselves brought into +contact with persons whom they feel they have met and known before, and +are unable to understand why they receive such an impression. In my +case I had not only to consider the one particular identity which +seemed so closely connected with my own--but also the other individuals +with whom I had become more or less reluctantly associated,--Catherine +Harland and Dr. Brayle especially. Mr. Harland had, unconsciously to +himself, been merely the link to bring the broken bits of a chain +together--his secretary, Mr. Swinton, occupied the place of the always +necessary nonentity in a group of intellectually or psychically +connected beings,--and I was perfectly sure, without having any actual +reason for my conviction, that if I remained much longer in Catherine +Harland's company, her chance liking for me would turn into the old +hatred with which she had hated me in a bygone time,--a hatred fostered +by Dr. Brayle, who, plainly scheming to marry her and secure her +fortune, considered me in the way (as I was) of the influence he +desired to exercise over her and her father. Therefore it seemed +necessary I should remove myself,--moreover, I was resolved that all +the years I had spent in trying to find the way to some of Nature's +secrets should not be wasted--I would learn, I too, what Rafel Santoris +had learned in the House of Aselzion--and then we might perhaps stand +on equal ground, sure of ourselves and of each other! So ran my +thoughts in the solitude and stillness of the night--a solitude and +stillness so profound that the gentle push of the water against the +sides of the yacht, almost noiseless as it was, sounded rough and +intrusive. My port-hole was open, and I could see the sinking moon +showing through it like a white face in sorrow. Just then I heard a low +splash as of oars. I started up and went to the sofa, where, by +kneeling on the cushions. I could look through the porthole. There, +gliding just beneath me, was a small boat, and my heart gave a sudden +leap of joy as I recognised the man who rowed it as Santoris. He smiled +as I looked down,--then, standing up in the boat, guided himself +alongside, till his head was nearly on a level with the port-hole. He +put one hand on its edge. + +"Not asleep yet!" he said, softly--"What have you been thinking of? The +moon and the sea?--or any other mystery as deep and incomprehensible?" + +I stretched out my hand and laid it on his with an involuntary +caressing touch. + +"I could not leave you without another last word,"--he said--"And I +have brought you a letter"--he gave me a sealed envelope as he +spoke--"which will tell you how to find Aselzion. I myself will write +to him also and prepare him for your arrival. When you do see him you +will understand how difficult is the task you wish to undertake,--and, +if you should fail, the failure will be a greater sadness to yourself +than to me--for I could make things easier for you--" + +"I do not want things made easy for me,"--I answered quickly--"I want +to do all that you have done--I want to prove myself worthy at least--" + +I broke off,--and looked down into his eyes. He smiled. + +"Well!" he said--"Are you beginning to remember the happiness we have +so often thrown away for a trifle?" + +I was silent, though I folded my hand closer over his. The soft white +sleepy radiance of the moon on the scarcely moving water around us made +everything look dream-like and unreal, and I was hardly conscious of my +own existence for the moment, so completely did it seem absorbed by +some other influence stronger than any power I had ever known. + +"Here are we two,"--he continued, softly--"alone with the night and +each other, close to the verge of a perfect understanding--and +yet--determined NOT to understand! How often that happens! Every +moment, every hour, all over the world, there are souls like ours, +barred severally within their own shut gardens, refusing to open the +doors! They talk over the walls, through the chinks and crannies, and +peep through the keyholes--but they will not open the doors. How +fortunate am I to-night to find even a port-hole open!" + +He turned up his face, full of light and laughter, to mine, and I +thought then, how easy it would be to fling away all my doubts and +scruples, give up the idea of making any more search for what perhaps I +should never find, and take the joy which seemed proffered and the love +which my heart knew was its own to claim! Yet something still pulled me +back, and not only pulled me back, but on and away--something which +inwardly told me I had much to learn before I dared accept a happiness +I had not deserved. Nevertheless some of my thoughts found sudden +speech. + +"Rafel--" I began, and then paused, amazed at my own boldness in thus +addressing him. He drew closer to me, the boat he stood in swaying +under him. + +"Go on!" he said, with a little tremor in his voice--"My name never +sounded so sweetly in my own ears! What is it you would have me do?" + +"Nothing!" I answered, half afraid of myself as I spoke--"Nothing--but +this. Just to think that I am not merely wilful or rebellious in +parting from you for a little while--for if it is true--" + +"If what is true?" he interposed, gently. + +"If it is true that we are friends not for a time but for eternity"--I +said, in steadier tones--"then it can only be for a little while that +we shall be separated. And then afterwards I shall be quite sure--" + +"Yes--quite sure of what you are sure of now!" he said--"As sure as any +immortal creature can be of an immortal truth! Do you know how long we +have been separated already?" + +I shook my head, smiling a little. + +"Well, I will not tell you!" he answered--"It might frighten you! But +by all the powers of earth and heaven, we shall not traverse such +distances apart again--not if I can prevent it!" + +"And can you?" I asked, half wistfully. + +"I can! And I will! For I am stronger than you--and the strongest wins! +Your eyes look startled--there are glimpses of the moon in them, and +they are soft eyes--not angry ones. I have seen them full of anger,--an +anger that stabbed me to the heart!--but that was in the days gone by, +when I was weaker than you. This time the position has changed--and _I_ +am master!" + +"Not yet!" I said, resolutely, withdrawing my hand from his--"I yield +to nothing--not even to happiness--till I KNOW!" + +A slight shadow darkened the attractiveness of his features. + +"That is what the world says of God--'I will not yield till I know!' +But it is as plastic clay in His hands, all the time, and it never +knows!" + +I was silent--and there was a pause in which no sound was heard but the +movement of the water under the little boat in which he stood. Then-- + +"Good-night!" he said. + +"Good-night!" I answered, and moved by a swift impulse, I stooped and +kissed the firm hand that rested so near me, gripping the edge of the +port-hole. He looked up with a sudden light in his eyes. + +"Is that a sign of grace and consolation?" he asked, smiling--"Well! I +am content! And I have waited so long that I can wait yet a little +longer." + +So speaking, he let go his hold from alongside the yacht, and in +another minute had seated himself in the boat and was rowing away +across the moonlit water. I watched him as every stroke of the oars +widened the distance between us, half hoping that he might look back, +wave his hand, or even return again--but no!--his boat soon vanished +like a small black speck on the sea, and I knew myself to be left +alone. Restraining with difficulty the tears that rose to my eyes, I +shut the port-hole and drew its little curtain across it--then I sat +down to read the letter he had left with me. It ran as follows: + +Beloved,-- + +I call you by this name as I have always called you through many cycles +of time,--it should sound upon your ears as familiarly as a note of +music struck in response to another similar note in far distance. You +are not satisfied with the proofs given you by your own inner +consciousness, which testify to the unalterable fact that you and I +are, and must be, as one,--that we have played with fate against each +other, and sometimes striven to escape from each other, all in +vain;--it is not enough for you to know (as you do know) that the +moment our eyes met our spirits rushed together in a sudden ecstasy +which, had we dared to yield to it, would have outleaped convention and +made of us no more than two flames in one fire! If you are honest with +yourself as I am honest with myself, you will admit that this is +so,--that the emotion which overwhelmed us was reasonless, formless and +wholly beyond all analysis, yet more insistent than any other force +having claim on our lives. But it is not sufficient for you to realise +this,--or to trace through every step of the journey you have made, the +gradual leading of your soul to mine,--from that last night you passed +in your own home, when every fibre of your being grew warm with the +prescience of coming joy, to this present moment, even through dreams +of infinite benediction in which I shared--no!--it is not sufficient +for you!--you must 'know'--you must learn--you must probe into deeper +mysteries, and study and suffer to the last! Well, if it must be so, it +must,--and I shall rely on the eternal fitness of things to save you +from your own possible rashness and bring you back to me,--for without +you now I can do nothing more. I have done much--and much remains to be +done--but if I am to attain, you must crown the attainment--if my +ambition is to find completion, you alone can be its completeness. If +you have the strength and the courage to face the ordeal through which +Aselzion sends those who seek to follow his teaching, you will indeed +have justified your claim to be considered higher than merest +woman,--though you have risen above that level already. The lives of +women generally, and of men too, are so small and sordid and +self-centred, thanks to their obstinate refusal to see anything better +or wider than their own immediate outlook, that it is hardly worth +while considering them in the light of that deeper knowledge which +teaches of the REAL life behind the seeming one. In the ordinary way of +existence men and women meet and mate with very little more +intelligence or thought about it than the lower animals; and the +results of such meeting and mating are seen in the degenerate and dying +nations of to-day. Moreover, they are content to be born for no other +visible reason than to die--and no matter how often they may be told +there is no such thing as death, they receive the assertion with as +much indignant incredulity as the priesthood of Rome received Galileo's +assurance that the earth moves round the sun. But we--you and I--who +know that life, being ALL Life, CANNOT die,--ought to be wiser in our +present space of time than to doubt each other's infinite capability +for love and the perfect world of beauty which love creates. _I_ do not +doubt--my doubting days are past, and the whips of sorrow have lashed +me into shape as well as into strength, but YOU hesitate,--because you +have been rendered weak by much misunderstanding. However, it has +partially comforted me to place the position fully before you, and +having done this I feel that you must be free to go your own way. I do +not say 'I love you!'--such a phrase from me would be merest folly, +knowing that you must be mine, whether now or at the end of many more +centuries. Your soul is deathless as mine is--it is eternally young, as +mine is,--and the force that gives us life and love is divine and +indestructible, so that for us there can be no end to the happiness +which is ours to claim when we will. For the rest I leave you to +decide--you will go to the House of Aselzion and perhaps you will +remain there some time,--at any rate when you depart from thence you +will have learned much, and you will know what is best for yourself and +for me. + +My beloved, I commend you to God with all my adoring soul and am + +Your lover, Rafel Santoris + +A folded paper fell out of this letter,--it contained full instructions +as to the way I should go on the journey I intended to make to the +mysterious House of Aselzion--and I was glad to find that I should not +have to travel as far as I had at first imagined. I began at once to +make my plans for leaving the Harlands as soon as possible, and before +going to bed I wrote to my friend Francesca, who I knew would certainly +expect me to visit her in Inverness-shire as soon as my cruise in the +Harlands' yacht was over, and briefly stated that business of an +important nature called me abroad for two or three weeks, but that I +fully anticipated being at home in England again before the end of +October. As it was now just verging on the end of August, I thought I +was allowing myself a fairly wide margin for absence. When I had folded +and sealed my letter ready for posting, an irresistible sense of sleep +came over me, and I yielded to it gratefully. I found myself too +overcome by it even to think,--and I laid my head down upon the pillows +with a peaceful consciousness that all was well,--that all would be +well--and that in trying to make sure of the intentions of Fate towards +me both in life and love, I could not be considered as altogether +foolish. Of course, judged by the majority of people, I know I am +already counted as worse than foolish for the impressions and +experiences I here undertake to narrate, but that kind of judgment does +not affect me, seeing that their own daily and hourly folly is so +visibly pronounced and has such unsatisfactory and frequently +disastrous results, that mine--if it indeed be folly to choose lasting +and eternal things rather than ephemeral and temporal ones,--cannot but +seem light in comparison. Love, as the world generally conceives of it, +is hardly worth having--for if we become devoted to persons who must in +time be severed from us by death or other causes, we have merely wasted +the wealth of our affections. Only as a perfect, eternal, binding force +is love of any value,--and unless one can be sure in one's own self +that there is the strength and truth and courage to make it thus +perfect, eternal and binding, it is better to have nothing to do with +what after all is the divinest of divine passions,--the passion of +creativeness, from which springs all thought, all endeavour, all +accomplishment. + +When I woke the next morning I did not need to be told that the 'Dream' +had set her wonderful sails and flown. A sense of utter desolation was +in the air, and my own loneliness was impressed upon me with +overwhelming bitterness and force. It was a calm, brilliant morning, +and when I went up on deck the magnificent scenery of Loch Scavaig was, +to my thinking, lessened in effect by the excessive glare of the sun. +The water was smooth as oil, and where the 'Dream' had been anchored, +showing her beautiful lines and tapering spars against the background +of the mountains, there was now a dreary vacancy. The whole scene +looked intolerably dull and lifeless, and I was impatient to be away +from it. I said as much at breakfast, a meal at which Catherine Harland +never appeared, and where I was accustomed to take the head of the +table, at Mr. Harland's request, to dispense the tea and coffee. Dr. +Brayle seemed malignly amused at my remark. + +"The interest of the place has evidently vanished with Mr. Santoris, so +far as you are concerned!" he said--"He is certainly a remarkable man, +and owns a remarkable yacht--but beyond that I am not sure that his +room is not better than his company." + +"I daresay you feel it so,"--said Mr. Harland, who had for some moments +been unusually taciturn and preoccupied--"Your theories are +diametrically opposed to his, and, for that matter, so are mine. But I +confess I should like to have tested his medical skill--he assured me +positively that he could cure me of my illness in three months." + +"Why do you not let him try?" suggested Brayle, with an air of forced +lightness--"He will be a man of miracles if he can cure what the whole +medical profession knows to be incurable. But I'm quite willing to +retire in his favour, if you wish it." + +Mr. Harland's bristling eyebrows met over his nose in a saturnine frown. + +"Well, are you willing?" he said--"I rather doubt it! And if you are, +I'm not. I've no faith in mysticism or psychism of any kind. It bores +me to think about it. And nothing has puzzled me at all concerning +Santoris except his extraordinarily youthful appearance. That is a +problem to me,--and I should like to solve it." + +"He looks about thirty-eight or forty,"--said Brayle, "And I should say +that is his age." "That his age!" Mr. Harland gave a short, derisive +laugh--"Why, he's over sixty if he's a day! That's the mystery of it. +There is not a touch of 'years' about him. Instead of growing old, he +grows young." + +Brayle looked up quizzically at his patron. + +"I've already hinted," he said, "that he may not be the Santoris you +knew at Oxford. He may be a relative, cleverly masquerading as the +original man--" + +"That won't stand a moment's argument," interposed Mr. Harland--"And +I'll tell you how I know it won't. We had a quarrel once, and I slashed +his arm with a clasp-knife pretty heavily." Here a sudden quiver of +something,--shame or remorse perhaps--came over his hard face and +changed its expression for a moment. "It was all my fault--I had a +devilish temper, and he was calm--his calmness irritated me;--moreover, +I was drunk. Santoris knew I was drunk,--and he wanted to get me home +to my rooms and to bed before I made too great a disgrace of +myself--then--THAT happened. I remember the blood pouring from his +arm--it frightened me and sobered me. Well, when he came on board here +the other night he showed me the scar of the very wound I had +inflicted. So I know he's the same man." + +We all sat silent. + +"He was always studying the 'occult'"--went on Mr. Harland--"And I was +scarcely surprised that he should 'think out' that antique piece of +jewellery from your pocket last night. He actually told me it belonged +to you ages ago, when you were quite another and more important person!" + +Dr. Brayle laughed loudly, almost boisterously. + +"What a fictionist the man must be!" he exclaimed. "Why doesn't he +write a novel? Mr. Swinton, I wish you would take a few notes for me of +what Mr. Santoris said about that collar of jewels,--I should like to +keep the record." + +Mr. Swinton smiled an obliging assent. + +"I certainly will,"--he said. "I was fortunately present when Mr. +Santoris expressed his curious ideas about the jewels to Mr. Harland." + +"Oh, well, if you are going to record it,"--said Mr. Harland, half +laughingly--"you had better be careful to put it all down. The +collar--according to Santoris--belonged to Dr. Brayle when his +personality was that of an Italian nobleman residing in Florence about +the year 1537--he wore it on one unfortunate occasion when he murdered +a man, and the jewels have not had much of a career since that period. +Now they have come back into his possession--" + +"Father, who told you all this?" + +The voice was sharp and thin, and we turned round amazed to see +Catherine standing in the doorway of the saloon, white and trembling, +with wild eyes looking as though they saw ghosts. Dr. Brayle hastened +to her. + +"Miss Harland, pray go back to your cabin--you are not strong enough--" + +"What's the matter, Catherine?" asked her father--"I'm only repeating +some of the nonsense Santoris told me about that collar of jewels--" + +"It's not nonsense!" cried Catherine. "It's all true! I remember it +all--we planned the murder together--he and I!"--and she pointed to Dr. +Brayle--"I told him how the lovers used to meet in secret,--the poor +hunted things!--how he--that great artist he patronised--came to her +room from the garden entrance at night, and how they talked for hours +behind the rose-trees in the avenue--and she--she!--I hated her because +I thought you loved her--YOU!" and again she turned to Dr. Brayle, +clutching at his arm--"Yes--I thought you loved her!--but she--she +loved HIM!--and--" here she paused, shuddering violently, and seemed to +lose herself in chaotic ideas--"And so the yacht has gone, and there is +peace!--and perhaps we shall forget again!--we were allowed to forget +for a little while, but it has all come back to haunt and terrify us--" + +And with these words, which broke off in a kind of inarticulate cry, +she sank downward in a swoon, Dr. Brayle managing to save her from +falling quite to the ground. + +Everything was at once in confusion, and while the servants were busy +hurrying to and fro for cold water, smelling salts and other reviving +cordials, and Catherine was being laid on the sofa and attended to by +Dr. Brayle, I slipped away and went up on deck, feeling myself quite +overpowered and bewildered by the suddenness and strangeness of the +episodes in which I had become involved. In a minute or two Mr. Harland +followed me, looking troubled and perplexed. + +"What does all this mean?" he said--"I am quite at a loss to understand +Catherine's condition. She is hysterical, of course,--but what has +caused it? What mad idea has she got into her head about a murder?" + +I looked away from him across the sunlit expanse of sea. + +"I really cannot tell you," I said, at last--"I am quite as much in the +dark as you are. I think she is overwrought, and that she has perhaps +taken some of the things Mr. Santoris said too much to heart. +Then"--here I hesitated--"she said the other day that she was tired of +this yachting trip--in fact, I think it is simply a case of nerves." + +"She must have very odd nerves if they persuade her to believe that she +and Brayle committed a murder together ages ago"--said Mr. Harland, +irritably;--"I never heard of such nonsense in all my life!" + +I was silent. + +"I have told Captain Derrick to weigh anchor and get out of this,"--he +continued, brusquely. "We shall make for Portree at once. There is +something witch-like and uncanny about the place"--and he looked round +as he spoke at the splendour of the mountains, shining with almost +crystalline clearness in the glory of the morning sun--"I feel as if it +were haunted!" + +"By what?" I asked. + +"By memories," he answered--"And not altogether pleasant ones!" + +I looked at him, and a moment's thought decided me that the opportunity +had come for me to broach the subject of my intended departure, and I +did so. I said that I felt I had allowed myself sufficient holiday, and +that it would be necessary for me to take the ordinary steamer from +Portree the morning after our arrival there in order to reach Glasgow +as soon as possible. Mr. Harland surveyed me inquisitively. + +"Why do you want to go by the steamer?" he asked--"Why not go with us +back to Rothesay, for example?" + +"I would rather lose no time,"--I said--then I added +impulsively:--"Dear Mr. Harland, Catherine will be much better when I +am gone--I know she will! You will be able to prolong the yachting trip +which will benefit your health,--and I should be really most unhappy if +you curtailed it on my account--" + +He interrupted me. + +"Why do you say that Catherine will be better when you are gone?" he +demanded--"It was her own most particular wish that you should +accompany us." + +"She did not know what moved her to such a desire," I said,--then, +seeing his look of astonishment, I smiled; "I am not a congenial spirit +to her, nor to any of you, really! but she has been most kind, and so +have you--and I thank you ever so much for all you have done for +me--you have done much more than you know!--only I feel it is better to +go now--now, before--" + +"Before what?" he asked. + +"Well, before we all hate each other!" I said, playfully--"It is quite +on the cards that we shall come to that! Dr. Brayle thinks my presence +quite as harmful to Catherine as that of Mr. Santoris;--I am full of +'theories' which he considers prejudicial,--and so, perhaps, they +ARE--to HIM!" + +Mr. Harland drew closer to me where I stood leaning against the deck +rail and spoke in a lower tone. + +"Tell me," he said,--"and be perfectly frank about it--what is it you +see in Brayle that rouses such a spirit of antagonism in you?" + +"If I give you a straight answer, such as I feel to be the truth in +myself, will you be offended?" I asked. + +He shook his head. + +"No"--he answered--"I shall not be offended. I simply want to know what +you think, and I shall remember what you say and see if it proves +correct." + +"Well, in the first place," I said--"I see nothing in Dr. Brayle but +what can be seen in hundreds of worldly-minded men such as he. But he +is not a true physician, for he makes no real effort to cure you of +your illness, while Catherine has no illness at all that demands a +cure. He merely humours the weakness of her nerves, a weakness she has +created by dwelling morbidly on her own self and her own particular +miseries,--and all his future plans with regard to her and to you are +settled. They are quite clear and reasonable. You will die,--in fact, +it is, in his opinion, necessary for you to die,--it would be very +troublesome and inconvenient to him if, by some chance, you were cured, +and continued to live. When you are gone he will marry Catherine, your +only child and heiress, and he will have no further personal anxieties. +I dislike this self-seeking attitude on his part, and my only wonder is +that you do not perceive it. For the rest, my antagonism to Dr. Brayle +is instinctive and has its origin far back--perhaps in a bygone +existence!" + +He listened to my words with attentive patience. + +"Well, I shall study the man more carefully,"--he said, after a +pause;--"You may be right. At present I think you are wrong. As for any +cure for me, I know there is none. I have consulted medical works on +the subject and am perfectly convinced that Brayle is doing his best. +He can do no more. And now one word to yourself;"--here he laid a hand +kindly on mine--"I have noticed--I could not help noticing that you +were greatly taken by Santoris--and I should almost have fancied him +rather fascinated by you had I not known him to be absolutely +indifferent to womenkind. But let me tell you he is not a safe friend +or guide for anyone. His theories are extravagant and impossible--his +idea that there is no death, for example, when death stares us in the +face every day, is perfectly absurd--and he is likely to lead you into +much perplexity, the more so as you are too much of a believer in +occult things already. I wish I could persuade you to listen to me +seriously on one or two points--" + +I smiled. "I am listening!" I said. + +"Well, child, you listen perhaps, but you are not convinced. Realise, +if you can, that these fantastic chimeras of a past and future life +exist only in the heated imagination of the abnormal idealist. There is +nothing beyond our actual sight and immediate living consciousness;--we +know we are born and that we die--but why, we cannot tell and never +shall be able to tell. We must try and manage the 'In-Between,'--the +gap dividing birth and death,--as best we can, and that's all. I wish +you would settle down to these facts reasonably--you would be far +better balanced in mind and action--" + +"If I thought as you do,"--I interrupted him--"I would jump from this +vessel into the sea and let the waters close over me! There would be +neither use nor sense in living for an 'In-Between' leading merely to +nothingness." + +He passed his hand across his brows perplexedly. + +"It certainly seems useless,"--he admitted--"but there it is. It is +better to accept it than run amok among inexplicable infinities." + +We were interrupted here by the sailors busying themselves in +preparations for getting the yacht under way, and our conversation +being thus broken off abruptly was not again resumed. By eleven o'clock +we were steaming out of Loch Scavaig, and as I looked back on the +sombre mountain-peaks that stood sentinel-wise round the deeply hidden +magnificence of Loch Coruisk, I wondered if my visionary experience +there had been only the work of my own excited imagination, or whether +it really had foundation in fact? The letter from Santoris lay against +my heart as actual testimony that he at least was real--that I had met +and known him, and that so far as anything could be believed he had +declared himself my 'lover'! But was ever love so expressed?--and had +it ever before such a far-off beginning? + +I soon ceased to perplex myself with futile speculations on the +subject, however, and as the last peaks of the Scavaig hills vanished +in pale blue distance I felt as if I had been brought suddenly back +from a fairyland to a curiously dull and commonplace world. Everyone on +board the 'Diana' seemed occupied with the veriest trifles,--Catherine +remained too ill to appear all day, and Dr. Brayle was in almost +constant attendance upon her. A vague sense of discomfort pervaded the +whole atmosphere of the yacht,--she was a floating palace filled with +every imaginable luxury, yet now she seemed a mere tawdry upholsterer's +triumph compared with the exquisite grace and taste of the 'Dream'--and +I was eager to be away from her. I busied myself during the day in +packing my things ready for departure with the eagerness of a child +leaving school for the holidays, and I was delighted when we arrived at +Portree and anchored there that evening. It was after dinner, at about +nine o'clock, that Catherine sent for me, hearing I had determined to +go next morning. I found her in her bed, looking very white and feeble, +with a scared look in her eyes which became intensified the moment she +saw me. + +"You are really going away?" she said, faintly--"I hope we have not +offended you?" + +I went up to her, took her poor thin hand and kissed it. + +"No indeed!"--I answered--"Why should I be offended?" + +"Father is vexed you are going,"--she went on--"He says it is all my +silly nonsense and hysterical fancies--do you think it is?" + +"I prefer not to say what I think,"--I replied, gently. "Dear +Catherine, there are some things in life which cannot be explained, and +it is better not to try and explain them. But believe me, I can never +thank you enough for this yachting trip--you have done more for me than +you will ever know!--and so far from being 'offended' I am +grateful!--grateful beyond all words!" + +She held my hands, looking at me wistfully. + +"You will go away,"--she said, in a low tone--"and we shall perhaps +never meet again. I don't think it likely we shall. People often try to +meet again and never do--haven't you noticed that? It seems fated that +they shall only know each other for a little while just to serve some +purpose, and then part altogether. Besides, you live in a different +world from ours. You believe in things that I can't even +understand--You think there is a God--and you think each human being +has a soul--" + +"Are you not taught the same in your churches?" I interrupted. + +She looked startled. + +"Oh yes!--but then one never thinks seriously about it! You know that +if we DID think seriously about it we could never live as we do. One +goes to church for convention's sake--because it's respectable; but +suppose you were to say to a clergyman that if your soul is 'immortal' +it follows in reason that it must always have existed and always will +exist, he would declare you to be 'unorthodox.' That's where all the +puzzle and contradiction comes in--so that I don't believe in the soul +at all." + +"Are you sure you do not?" I enquired, meaningly. + +She was silent. Then she suddenly broke out. + +"Well, I don't want to believe in it! I don't want to think about it! +I'd rather not! It's terrible! If a soul has never died and never will +die, its burden of memories must be awful!--horrible!--no hell could be +worse!" + +"But suppose they are beautiful and happy memories?" I suggested. + +She shuddered. + +"They couldn't be! We all fail somewhere." + +This was true enough, and I offered no comment. + +"I feel,"--she went on, hesitatingly--"that you are leaving us for some +undiscovered country--and that you will reach some plane of thought and +action to which we shall never rise. I don't think I am sorry for this. +I am not one of those who want to rise. I should be perfectly content +to live a few years in a moderate state of happiness and then drop into +oblivion--and I think most people are like me." + +"Very unambitious!" I said, smiling. + +"Yes--I daresay it is--but one gets tired of it all. Tired of things +and people--at least I do. Now that man Santoris--" + +Despite myself, I felt the warm blood flushing my cheeks. + +"Yes? What of him?" I queried, lightly. + +"Well, I can understand that HE has always been alive!" and she turned +her eyes upon me with an expression of positive dread--"Immensely, +actively, perpetually alive! He seems to hold some mastery over the +very air! I am afraid of him--terribly afraid! It is a relief to me to +know that he and his strange yacht have gone!" + +"But, Catherine,"--I ventured to say--"the yacht was not really +'strange,'--it was only moved by a different application of electricity +from that which the world at present knows. You would not call it +'strange' if the discovery made by Mr. Santoris were generally adopted?" + +She sighed. + +"Perhaps not! But just now it seems a sort of devil's magic to me. +Anyhow, I'm glad he's gone. You're sorry, I suppose?" + +"In a way I am,"--I answered, quietly--"I thought him very kind and +charming and courteous--no one could be a better host or a pleasanter +companion. And I certainly saw nothing 'devilish' about him. As for +that collar of jewels, there are plenty of so-called 'thought-readers' +who could have found out its existence and said as much of it as he +did--" + +She uttered a low cry. + +"Don't speak of it!" she said--"For Heaven's sake, don't speak of it!" + +She buried her face in her pillow, and I waited silently for her to +recover. When she turned again towards me, she said-- + +"I am not well yet,--I cannot bear too much. I only want you to know +before you go away that I have no unkind feeling towards you,--things +seem pushing me that way, but I have not really!--and you surely will +believe me--" + +"Surely!" I said, earnestly--"Dear Catherine, do not worry yourself! +These impressions of yours will pass." + +"I hope so!" she said--"I shall try to forget! And you--you will meet +Mr. Santoris again, do you think?" + +I hesitated. + +"I do not know." + +"You seem to have some attraction for each other," she went on--"And I +suppose your beliefs are alike. To me they are dreadful beliefs!--worse +than barbarism!" + +I looked at her with all the compassion I truly felt. + +"Why? Because we believe that God is all love and tenderness and +justice?--because we cannot think He would have created life only to +end in death?--because we are sure that He allows nothing to be wasted, +not even a thought?--and nothing to go unrecompensed, either in good or +in evil? Surely these are not barbarous beliefs?" + +A curious look came over her face. + +"If I believed in anything,"--she said--"I would rather be orthodox, +and believe in the doctrine of original sin and the Atonement." + +"Then you would start with the idea that the supreme and all-wise +Creator could not make a perfect work!" I said--"And that He was +obliged to invent a scheme to redeem His own failure! Catherine, if you +speak of barbarism, this is the most barbarous belief of all!" + +She stared at me, amazed. + +"You would be put out of any church in Christendom for such a speech as +that!" she said. + +"Possibly!" I answered, quietly--"But I should not and could not be put +out of God's Universe--nor, I am certain, would He reject my soul's +eternal love and adoration!" + +A silence fell between us. Then I heard her sobbing. I put my arm round +her, and she laid her head on my shoulder. + +"I wish I could feel as you do,"--she whispered--"You must be very +happy! The world is all beautiful in your eyes--and of course with your +ideas it will continue to be beautiful--and even death will only come +to you as another transition into life. But you must not think anybody +will ever understand you or believe you or follow you--people will only +look upon you as mad, or the dupe of your own foolish imagination!" + +I smiled as I smoothed her pillow for her and laid her gently back upon +it. + +"I can stand that!" I said--"If somebody who is lost in the dark jeers +at me for finding the light, I shall not mind!" + +We did not speak much after that--and when I said good-night to her I +also said good-bye, as I knew I should have to leave the yacht early in +the morning. + +I spent the rest of the time at my disposal in talking to Mr. Harland, +keeping our conversation always on the level of ordinary topics. He +seemed genuinely sorry that I had determined to go, and if he could +have persuaded me to stay on board a few days longer I am sure he would +have been pleased. + +"I shall see you off in the morning,"--he said--"And believe me I shall +miss you very much. We don't agree on certain subjects--but I like you +all the same." + +"That's something!" I said, cheerfully--"It would never do if we were +all of the same opinion!" + +"Will you meet Santoris again, do you think?" + +This was the same question Catherine had put to me, and I answered it +in the same manner. + +"I really don't know!" + +"Would you LIKE to meet him again?" he urged. + +I hesitated, smiling a little. + +"Yes, I think so!" + +"It is curious," he pursued--"that I should have been the means of +bringing you together. Your theories of life and death are so alike +that you must have thoughts in common. Many years have passed since I +knew Santoris--in fact, I had completely lost sight of him, though I +had never forgotten his powerful personality--and it seemt rather odd +to me that he should suddenly turn up again while you were with me--" + +"Mere coincidence,"--I said, lightly--"and common enough, after all. +Like attracts like, you know." + +"That may be. There is certainly something in the law of attraction +between human beings which we do not understand,"--he answered, +musingly--"Perhaps if we did--" + +He broke off and relapsed into silence. + +That night, just before going to bed, I was met by Dr. Brayle in the +corridor leading to my cabin. I was about to pass him with a brief +good-night, but he stopped me. + +"So you are really going to-morrow!" he said, with a furtive narrowing +of his eyelids as he looked at me--"Well! Perhaps it is best! You are a +very disturbing magnet." + +I smiled. + +"Am I? In what way?" + +"I cannot tell you without seeming to give the lie to reason,"--he +answered, brusquely. "I believe to a certain extent in magnetism--in +fact, I have myself tested its power in purely nervous patients,--but I +have never accepted the idea that persons can silently and almost +without conscious effort, influence others for either malign or +beneficial purposes. In your presence, however, the thing is forced +upon me as though it were a truth, while I know it to be a fallacy." + +"Isn't it too late to talk about such things to-night?" I asked, +wishing to cut short the conversation. + +"Perhaps it is--but I shall probably never have the chance to say what +I wish to say,"--he replied,--and he leaned against the stairway just +where the light in the saloon sent forth a bright ray upon his face, +showing it to be dark with a certain frowning perplexity--"You have +studied many things in your own impulsive feminine fashion, and you are +beyond all the stupidity of the would-be agreeable female who thinks a +prettily feigned ignorance becoming, so that I can speak frankly. I can +now tell you that from the first day I saw you I felt I had known you +before--and you filled me with a curious emotion of mingled liking and +repulsion. One night when you were sitting with us on deck--it was +before we met that fellow Santoris--I watched you with singular +interest--every turn of your head, every look of your eyes seemed +familiar--and for a moment I--I almost loved you! Oh, you need not mind +my saying this!"--and he laughed a little at my involuntary +exclamation--"it was nothing--it was only a passing mood,--for in +another few seconds I hated you as keenly! There you have it. I do not +know why I should have been visited by these singular experiences--but +I own they exist--that is why I am rather glad you are going." + +"I am glad, too,"--I said--and I held out my hand in parting--"I should +not like to stay where my presence caused a moment's uneasiness or +discomfort." + +"That's not putting it quite fairly,"--he answered, taking my offered +hand and holding it loosely in his own--"But you are an avowed +psychist, and in this way you are a little 'uncanny.' I should not like +to offend you--" + +"You could not if you tried," I said, quickly. + +"That means I am too insignificant in your mind to cause offence,"--he +observed--"I daresay I am. I live on the material plane and am content +to remain there. You are essaying very high flights and ascending among +difficulties of thought and action which are entirely beyond the useful +and necessary routine of life,--and in the end these things may prove +too much for you." Here he dropped my hand. "You bring with you a +certain atmosphere which is too rarefied for ordinary mortals--it has +the same effect as the air of a very high mountain on a weak heart--it +is too strong--one loses breath, and the power to think coherently. You +produce this result on Miss Harland, and also to some extent on +me--even slightly on Mr. Harland,--and poor Swinton alone does not fall +under the spell, having no actual brain to impress. You need someone +who is accustomed to live in the same atmosphere as yourself to match +you in your impressions and opinions. We are on a different range of +thought and feeling and experience--and you must find us almost beyond +endurance--" + +"As you find me!" I interposed, smiling. + +"I will not say that--no! For there seems to have been a time when we +were all on the same plane--" + +He paused, and there was a moment's tense silence. The little silvery +chime of a clock in the saloon struck twelve. + +"Good-night, Dr. Brayle!" I said. + +He lifted his brooding eyes and looked at me. + +"Good-night! If I have annoyed you by my scepticism in certain matters, +you must make allowances for temperament and pardon me. I should be +sorry if you bore me any ill-will--" + +What a curious note of appeal there was in his voice! All at once it +seemed to me that he was asking me to forgive him for that long-ago +murder which I had seen reflected in a vision!--and my blood grew +suddenly heated with an involuntary wave of deep resentment. + +"Dr. Brayle," I said,--"pray do not trouble yourself to think any more +about me. Our ways will always be apart, and we shall probably never +see each other again. It really does not matter to you in the least +what my feeling may be with regard to you,--it can have no influence on +either your present or your future. Friendships cannot be commanded." + +"You will not say," he interrupted me--"that you have no dislike of me?" + +I hesitated--then spoke frankly. + +"I will not,"--I answered--"because I cannot!" + +For one instant our eyes met--then came SOMETHING between us that +suggested an absolute and irretrievable loss--"Not yet!" he +murmured--"Not yet!" and with a forced smile, he bowed and allowed me +to pass to my cabin. I was glad to be there--glad to be alone--and +overwhelmed as I was by the consciousness that the memories of my soul +had been too strong for me to resist, I was thankful that I had had the +courage to express my invincible opposition to one who had, as I seemed +instinctively to realise, been guilty of an unrepented crime. + +That night I slept dreamlessly, and the next morning before seven +o'clock I had left the luxurious 'Diana' for the ordinary passenger +steamer plying from Portree to Glasgow. Mr. Harland kept his promise of +seeing me off, and expressed his opinion that I was very foolish to +travel with a crowd of tourists and other folk, when I might have had +the comfort and quiet of his yacht all the way; but he could not move +me from my resolve, though in a certain sense I was sorry to say +good-bye to him. + +"You must write to us as soon as you get home,"--he said, at +parting--"A letter will find us this week at Gairloch--I shall cruise +about a bit longer." + +I made no reply for the moment. He had no idea that I was not going +home at all, nor did I intend to tell him. + +"You shall hear from me as soon as possible,"--I said at last, +evasively--"I shall be very busy for a time--" + +He laughed. + +"Oh, I know! You are always busy! Will you ever get tired, I wonder?" + +I smiled. "I hope not!" + +With that we shook hands and parted, and within the next twenty minutes +the steamer had started, bearing me far away from the Isle of Skye, +that beautiful, weird and mystic region full of strange legends and +memories, which to me had proved a veritable wonderland. I watched the +'Diana' at anchor in the bay of Portree till I could see her no +more,--and it was getting on towards noon when I suddenly noticed the +people on board the steamer making a rush to one side of the deck to +look at something that was evidently both startling and attractive. I +followed the crowd,--and my heart gave a quick throb of delight when I +saw poised on the sparkling waters the fairylike 'Dream'!--her sails +white as the wings of a swan, and her cordage gleaming like woven gold +in the brilliant sunshine. She was a thing of perfect beauty as she +seemed to glide on the very edge of the horizon like a vision between +sky and sea. And as I pressed forward among the thronging passengers to +look at her, she dipped her flag in salutation--a salutation I knew was +meant for me alone. When the flag ran up again to its former position, +murmurs of admiration came from several people around me-- + +"The finest schooner afloat!"--I heard one man remark--"They say she +goes by electricity as well as sailing power." + +"She's often seen about here," said another--"She belongs to a +foreigner--some prince or other named Santoris." + +And I watched and waited,--with unconscious tears in my eyes, till the +exquisite fairy vessel disappeared suddenly as though it had become +absorbed and melted into the sun; then all at once I thought of the +words spoken by the wild Highland 'Jamie' who had given me the token of +the bell-heather--"One way in and another way out! One road to the +West, and the other to the East, and round about to the meeting-place!" + +The meeting-place! Where would it be? I could only think and wonder, +hope and pray, as the waves spread their silver foaming distance +between me and the vanished 'Dream.' + + + + +XIII + +THE HOUSE OF ASELZION + + +It is not necessary to enter into particular details of the journey I +now entered upon and completed during the ensuing week. My destination +was a remote and mountainous corner of the Biscayan coast, situated a +little more than three days' distance from Paris. I went alone, knowing +that this was imperative, and arrived without any untoward adventure, +scarcely fatigued though I had travelled by night as well as by day. It +was only at the end of my journey that I found myself confronted by any +difficulty, and then I had to realise that though the 'Chateau +d'Aselzion,' as it was called, was perfectly well known to the +inhabitants of the surrounding district, no one seemed inclined to show +me the nearest way there or even to let me have the accommodation of a +vehicle to take me up the steep ascent which led to it. The Chateau +itself could be seen from all parts of the village, especially from the +seashore, over which it hung like a toppling crown of the fortress-like +rock on which it was erected. + +"It is a monastery,"--said a man of whom I asked the way, speaking in a +curious kind of guttural patois, half French and half Spanish--"No +woman goes there." + +I explained that I was entrusted with an important message. + +He shook his head. + +"Not for any money would I take you," he declared. "I should be afraid +for myself." + +Nothing could move him from his resolve, so I made up my mind to leave +my small luggage at the inn and walk up the steep road which I could +see winding like a width of white ribbon towards the goal of my +desires. A group of idle peasants watched me curiously as I spoke to +the landlady and asked her to take care of my few belongings till I +either sent for them or returned to fetch them, to which arrangement +she readily consented. She was a buxom, pleasant little Frenchwoman, +and inclined to be friendly. + +"I assure you, Mademoiselle, you will return immediately!" she said, +with a bright smile--"The Chateau d'Aselzion is a place where no woman +is ever seen--and a lady alone!--ah, mon Dieu!--impossible! There are +terrible things done there, so they say--it is a house of mystery! In +the daytime it looks as it does now--dark, as though it were a +prison!--but sometimes at night one sees it lit up as though it were on +fire--every window full of something that shines like the sun! It is a +Brotherhood that lives there,--not of the Church--ah no! Heaven +forbid!--but they are rich and powerful men--and it is said they study +some strange science--our traders serve them only at the outer gates +and never go beyond. And in the midnight one hears the organ playing in +their chapel, and there is a sound of singing on the very waves of the +sea! I beg of you, Mademoiselle, think well of what you do before you +go to such a place!--for they will send you away--I am sure they will +send you away!" + +I smiled and thanked her for her well-meant warning. + +"I have a message to give to the Master of the Brotherhood," I +said--"If I am not allowed to deliver it and the gate is shut in my +face, I can only come back again. But I must do my best to gain an +entrance if possible." + +And with these words I turned away and commenced my solitary walk. I +had arrived in the early afternoon and the sun was still high in the +heavens,--the heat was intense and the air was absolutely still. As I +climbed higher and higher, the murmuring noises of human life in the +little village I had left behind me grew less and less and presently +sank altogether out of hearing, and I became gradually aware of the +great and solemn solitude that everywhere encompassed me. No stray +sheep browsed on the burnt brown grass of the rocky height I was slowly +ascending--no bird soared through the dazzling deep blue of the vacant +sky. The only sound I could hear was the soft, rhythmic plash of small +waves on the beach below, and an indefinite deeper murmur of the sea +breaking through a cave in the far distance. There was something very +grand in the silence and loneliness of the scene,--and something very +pitiful too, so I thought, about my own self, toiling up the rocky path +in mingled hope and fear towards that grim pile of dark stone towers +and high forbidding walls, where it was just possible I might meet with +but a discouraging reception. Yet with the letter from him who signed +himself 'Your lover' lying against my heart, I felt I had a talisman to +open doors even more closely barred. Nevertheless, my courage gave way +a little when I at last stood before the heavy iron gates set in a +lofty archway of stone through which I could see nothing but cavernous +blackness. The road I had followed ended in a broad circular sweep +opposite this archway, and a few tall pines twisted and gnarled in +bough and stem, as though the full force of many storm winds had +battered and bent them out of their natural shapes, were the only +relief to the barrenness of the ground. An iron chain with a massive +ring at the end suggested itself as the possible means of pulling a +bell or otherwise attracting attention; but for some minutes I had not +the boldness to handle it. + +I stood gazing at the frowning portal with a sense of utter loneliness +and desolation,--the quick, resistless impulse that had fired me to +make the journey and which, as it were, had driven me along by its own +impetus, suddenly died away into a dreary consciousness of +inadequateness and folly on my own part,--and I began to reproach +myself for yielding so utterly to the casual influence of one who, +after all, must in a reasonable way be considered a stranger. For what +was Rafel Santoris to me? Merely an old college friend of the man who +for a fortnight had been my host, and with whom he chanced to renew +acquaintanceship during a yachting tour. Anything more simple and +utterly commonplace never occurred,--yet, here was I full of strange +impressions and visions, which were possibly only the result of clever +hypnotism, practised on me because the hypnotist had possibly +discovered in my temperament some suitable 'subject' matter for an +essay of his skill. And I had so readily succumbed to his influence as +to make a journey of hundreds of miles to a place I had never heard of +before on the chance of seeing a man of whom I knew +nothing!--except--that, according to what Rafel Santoris had said of +him, he was the follower of a great psychic Teacher whom once I had +known. + +Such doubtful and darkening thoughts as these, chasing one another +rapidly through my brain, made me severely accuse myself of rash and +unpardonable folly in all I had done or was doing,--and I was almost on +the point of turning away and retracing my steps, when a sudden ray of +light, not of the sun, struck itself sharply as it were before my eyes +and hurt them with its blinding glitter. It was like a whip of fire +lashing my hesitating mind, and it startled me into instant action. +Without pausing further to think what I was about, I went straight up +to the entrance of the Chateau and pulled at the iron chain. The gates +swung open at once and swiftly, without sound--and I stepped into the +dark passage within--whereupon they as noiselessly closed again behind +me. There was no going back now,--and nerving myself to resolution, I +walked quickly on through what was evidently a long corridor with a +lofty arched roof of massive stone; it was dark and cool and refreshing +after the great heat outside, and I saw a faint light at the end +towards which I made my way. The light widened as I drew near, and an +exclamation of relief and pleasure escaped me as I suddenly found +myself in a picturesque quadrangle, divided into fair green lawns and +parterres of flowers. Straight opposite me as I approached, a richly +carved double oaken door stood wide open, enabling me to look into a +vast circular domed hall, in the centre of which a fountain sent up +tall silver columns of spray which fell again with a tinkling musical +splash into a sunken pool bordered with white marble, where delicate +pale blue water-lilies floated on the surface of the water. Enchanted +by this glimpse of loveliness, I went straight on and entered without +seeking the right of admission,--and then stood looking about me in +wonder and admiration. If this was the House of Aselzion, where such +difficult lessons had to be learned and such trying ordeals had to be +faced, it certainly did not seem like a house of penance and +mortification but rather of luxury. Exquisite white marble statues were +set around the hall in various niches between banked-up masses of roses +and other blossoms--many of them perfect copies of the classic models, +and all expressing either strength and resolution, or beauty and +repose. And most wonderful of all was the light, that poured in from +the high dome--I could have said with truth that it was like that +'light which never was on sea or land.' It was not the light of the +sun, but something more softened and more intense, and was totally +indescribable. + +Fascinated by the restful charm of my surroundings, I seated myself on +a marble bench near the fountain and watched the sparkle of the water +as it rose in rainbow radiance and fell again into the darker shadows +of the pool,--and I had for a moment lost myself in a kind of waking +dream,--so that I started with a shock of something like terror when I +suddenly perceived a figure approaching me,--that of a man, clothed in +white garments fashioned somewhat after the monastic type, yet hardly +to be called a monk's dress, though he wore a sort of hood or cowl +pulled partially over his face. My heart almost stopped beating and I +could scarcely breathe for nervous fear as he came towards me with an +absolutely noiseless tread,--he appeared to be young, and his eyes, +dark and luminous, looked at me kindly and, as I fancied, with a touch +of pity. + +"You are seeking the Master?" he enquired, in a gentle voice--"He has +instructed me to receive you, and when you have rested for an hour, to +take you to his presence." + +I had risen as he spoke, and his quiet manner helped me to recover +myself a little. + +"I am not tired,"--I answered--"I could go to him at once--" + +He smiled. + +"That is not possible!" he said--"He is not ready. If you will come to +the apartment allotted to you I am sure you will be glad of some +repose. May I ask you to follow me?" + +He was perfectly courteous in demeanour, and yet there was a certain +impressive authority about him which silently impelled obedience. I had +nothing further to demand or to suggest, and I followed him at once. He +preceded me out of the domed hall into a long stone passage, where +every sign of luxury, beauty or comfort disappeared in cold vastness, +and where at every few steps large white boards with the word +'Silence!' printed upon them in prominent black letters confronted the +eyes. The way we had to go seemed long and dreary and dungeon-like, but +presently we turned towards an opening where the sun shone through, and +my guide ascended a steep flight of stone stairs, at the top of which +was a massive door of oak, heavily clamped with iron. Taking a key from +his girdle, he unlocked this door, and throwing it open, signed to me +to pass in. I did so, and found myself in a plain stone-walled room +with a vaulted roof, and one very large, lofty, uncurtained window +which looked out upon the sea and sheer down the perpendicular face of +the rock on which the Chateau d'Aselzion was built. The furniture +consisted of one small camp bedstead, a table, and two easy chairs, a +piece of rough matting on the floor near the bed, and a hanging +cupboard for clothes. A well-fitted bathroom adjoined this apartment, +but beyond this there was nothing of modern comfort and certainly no +touch of luxury. I moved instinctively to the window to look out at the +sea,--and then turned to thank my guide for his escort, but he had +gone. Thrilled with a sudden alarm, I ran to the door--it was locked! I +was a prisoner! I stood breathless and amazed;--then a wave of mingled +indignation and terror swept over me. How dared these people restrain +my liberty? I looked everywhere round the room for a bell or some means +of communication by which I could let them know my mind--but there was +nothing to help me. I went to the window again, and finding it was like +a French casement, merely latched in the centre, I quickly unfastened +and threw it open. The scent of the sea rushed at me with a delicious +freshness, reminding me of Loch Scavaig and the 'Dream'--and I leaned +out, looking longingly over the wide expanse of glittering water just +now broken into little crests of foam by a rising breeze. Then I saw +that my room was a kind of turret chamber, projecting itself sheer over +a great wall of rock which evidently had its base in the bed of the +ocean. There was no escape for me that way, even if I had sought it. I +drew back from the window and paced round and round my room like a +trapped animal--angry with myself for having ventured into such a +place, and forgetting entirely my previous determination to go through +all that might happen to me with patience and unflinching nerve. + +Presently I sat down on my narrow camp bed and tried to calm myself. +After all, what was the use of my anger or excitement? I had come to +the House of Aselzion of my own wish and will,--and so far I had +endured nothing difficult. Apparently Aselzion was willing to receive +me in his own good time--and I had only to wait the course of events. +Gradually my blood cooled, and in a few minutes I found myself smiling +at my own absurdly useless indignation. True, I was locked up in my own +room like a naughty child, but did it matter so very much? I assured +myself it did not matter at all,--and as I accustomed my mind to this +conviction I became perfectly composed and quite at home in my strange +surroundings. I took off my hat and cloak and put them by--then I went +into the bathroom and refreshed my face with delicious splashes of cold +water. The bathroom possessed a full-length mirror fitted into the +wall, a fact which rather amused me, as I felt it must have been there +always and could not have been put up specially for me, so that it +would seem these mystic 'Brothers' were not without some personal +vanity. I surveyed myself in it with surprise as I took down my hair +and twisted it up again more tidily, for I had expected to look fagged +and tired, whereas my face presented a smiling freshness which was +unexpected and astonishing to myself. The plain black dress I wore was +dusty with travel--and I shook it as free as I could from railway +grimness, feeling that it was scarcely the attire I should have chosen +for an audience of Aselzion. + +"However,"--I said to myself--"if he has me locked up like this, and +gives me no chance of sending for my luggage at the inn, I can only +submit and make the best of it." + +And returning from the bathroom to the bedroom, I again looked out of +my lofty window across the sea. As I did so, leaning a little over the +ledge, something soft and velvety touched my hand;--it was a red rose +clambering up the turret just within my reach. Its opening petals +lifted themselves towards me like sweet lips turned up for kisses, and +I was for a moment startled, for I could have sworn that no rose of any +kind was there when I first looked out. 'One rose from all the roses in +Heaven!' Where had I heard those words? And what did they signify? +Then--I remembered! Carefully and with extreme tenderness, I bent over +that beautiful, appealing flower: + +"I will not gather you!"--I whispered, following the drift of my own +dreaming fancy--"If you are a message--and I think you are I--stay +there as long as you can and talk to me! I shall understand!" + +And so for a while we made silent friends with each other till I might +have said with the poet--'The soul of the rose went into my blood.' At +any rate something keen, fine and subtle stole over my senses, moving +me to an intense delight in merely being alive. I forgot that I was in +a strange place among strange men,--I forgot that I was to all intents +and purposes a prisoner--I forgot everything except that I lived, and +that life was ecstasy! + +I had no very exact idea of the time,--my watch had stopped. But the +afternoon light was deepening, and long lines of soft amber and crimson +in the sky were beginning to spread a radiant path for the descent of +the sun. While I still remained at the window I suddenly heard the rise +and swell of deep organ music, solemn and sonorous; it was as though +the waves of the sea had set themselves to song. Some instinct then +told me there was someone in the room,--and I turned round quickly to +find my former guide in the white garments standing silently behind me, +waiting. I had intended to complain at once of the way in which I had +been imprisoned as though I were a criminal--but at sight of his grave, +composed figure I lost all my hardihood and could say nothing. I merely +stood still, attendant on his pleasure. His dark eyes, gleaming from +under his white cowl, looked at me with a searching enquiry as though +he expected me to speak, but as I continued to keep silence, he smiled. + +"You are very patient!" he said, quietly--"And that is well! The Master +awaits you." + +A tremor ran through me, and my heart began to beat violently. I was to +have my wilful desires granted, then! I was actually to see and speak +with the man to whom Rafel Santoris owed his prolonged youth and power, +and under whose training he had passed through an ordeal which had +taught him some of the deepest mysteries of life! The result of my own +wishes seemed now so terrifying to me that I could not have uttered a +word had I tried, I followed my escort in absolute silence;--once in my +nervous agitation I slipped on the stone staircase and nearly fell,--he +at once caught me by the hand and supported me, and the kindness and +gentle strength of his touch renewed my courage. His wonderful eyes +looked steadily into mine. + +"Do not be afraid!" he said, in a low tone--"There is really nothing to +fear!" + +We passed the domed hall and its sparkling fountain, and in two or +three minutes came to a deep archway veiled by a portiere of some rich +stuff woven in russet brown and gold,--this curtain my guide threw back +noiselessly, showing a closed door. Here he came to a standstill and +waited--I waited with him, trying to be calm, though my mind was in a +perfect tumult of expectation mingled with doubt and dread,--that +closed door seemed to me to conceal some marvellous secret with which +my whole future life and destiny were likely to be involved. Suddenly +it opened,--I saw a beautiful octagonal room, richly furnished, with +the walls lined, so it appeared, from floor to ceiling with books,--one +or two great stands and vases of flowers made flashes of colour among +the shadows, and a quick upward glance showed me that the ceiling was +painted in fresco, then my guide signed to me to enter. + +"The Master will be with you in a moment,"--he said--"Please sit +down"--here he gave me an encouraging smile--"You are a little +nervous--try and compose yourself! You need not be at all anxious or +frightened!" + +I tried to smile in response, but I felt far more ready to weep. I was +possessed by a sudden hopeless and helpless depression which I could +not overcome. My guide went away at once, and the door closed after him +in the same mysteriously silent fashion in which it had opened. I was +left to myself,--and I sat down on one of the numerous deep easy chairs +which were placed about the room, trying hard to force myself into at +least the semblance of quietude. But, after all, what was the use of +even assuming composure when the man I had come to meet probably had +the power to gauge the whole gamut of a human being's emotion at a +moment's notice? Instinctively I pressed my hand against my heart and +felt the letter my 'lover' had given me--surely that was no dream? + +I drew a long breath like a sigh, and turned my eyes towards the +window, which was set in a sort of double arch of stone, and which +showed me a garden stretching far away from the edges of soft lawns and +flower borders into a picturesque vista of woodland and hill. A warmth +of rosy light illumined the fair scene, indicating that the glory of +the sunset had begun. Impulsively I rose to go and look out--then +stopped--checked and held back by a swift compelling awe--I was no +longer alone. I was confronted by the tall commanding figure of a man +wearing the same white garments as those of my guide,--a man whose +singular beauty and dignity of aspect would have enforced admiration +from even the most callous and unobservant--and I knew that I was truly +at last in the presence of Aselzion. Overpowered by this certainty, I +could not speak--I could only look and wonder as he drew near me. His +cowl was thrown back, fully displaying his fine intellectual head--his +eyes, deep blue and full of light, studied my face with a keen scrutiny +which I could FEEL as though it were a searching ray burning into every +nook and cranny of my heart and soul. The blood rushed to my cheeks in +a warm wave--then suddenly rallying my forces I returned him glance for +glance. Thus we moved, each on our own lines of spiritual attraction, +closer together; till presently a slight smile brightened the gravity +of his handsome features, and he extended both hands to me. + +"You are welcome!" he said, in a voice that expressed the most perfect +music of human speech--"Rash and undisciplined as you are, you are +welcome!" + +Timidly I laid my hands in his, grateful for the warm, strong clasp he +gave them,--then, all at once, hardly knowing how it happened, I sank +on my knees as before some saint or king, silently seeking his +blessing. There was a moment's deep stillness,--and he laid his hands +on my bowed head. + +"Poor child!" he said, gently--"You have adventured far for love and +life!--it will be hard if you should fail! May all the powers of God +and Nature help you!" + +This said, he raised me with an infinitely courteous kindness, and +placed a chair for me near a massive table-desk on which there were +many papers--some neatly tied up and labelled,--others lying about in +apparent confusion--and when we were both seated he began conversation +in the simplest and easiest fashion. + +"You know, of course, that I have been prepared for your arrival +here,"--he said--"by one of my students, Rafel Santoris. He has been +seeking you for a long time, but now he has found you he is hardly +better off--for you are a rebellious child and unwilling to recognise +him--is it not so?" + +I felt a little more courageous now, and answered him at once. + +"I am not unwilling to recognise any true thing," I said--"But I do not +wish to be deceived--or to deceive myself." + +He smiled. + +"Do you not? How do you know that you have not been deceiving yourself +ever since your gradual evolvement from subconscious into conscious +life? Nature has not deceived you--Nature always takes herself +seriously--but you--have you not tried in various moods or phases of +existence, to do something cleverer than Nature?--to more or less +outwit her as it were? Come, come!--don't look so puzzled about +it!--you have only done what all so-called 'reasonable' human beings +do, and think themselves justified in doing. But now, in your present +state,--which is an advancement, and not a retrogression,--you have +begun to gain a little wider knowledge, with a little deeper +humility--and I am inclined to have great patience with you!" + +I raised my eyes and was reassured by his kindly glance. + +"Now, to begin with,"--he went on--"you should know at once that we do +not receive women here. It is against our rule and Order. We are not +prepared for them,--we do not want them. They are never more than HALF +souls!" + +My heart gave an indignant bound,--but I held my peace. He looked +straight at me, while with one hand he put together a few stray papers +on his desk. + +"Well, why do you not give me the obvious answer?" he queried--"Why do +you not say that if women are half souls, men are the same,--and that +the two halves must conjoin to make one? Foolish child!--you need not +burn with suppressed offence at what sounds a slighting description of +your sex--it is not meant as such. You ARE half souls,--and the chief +trouble with you is that you seldom have the sense to see it, or to +make any endeavour to form the perfect and indivisible union,--a sacred +task which is left in your hands. Nature is for ever working to bring +the right halves together,--man is for ever striving to scatter them +apart--and though it all comes right at the last, as it must, there is +no need for delay involving either months or centuries. You women were +meant to be the angels of salvation, but instead of this you are the +ruin of your own 'ideals.'" + +I could offer no contradiction to this, for I felt it to be true. + +"As I have just said," he went on--"this is no place for women. The +mere idea that you should imagine yourself, capable of submitting to +the ordeal of a student here is, on the face of it, incredible. Only +for Rafel's sake have I consented to see you and explain to you how +impossible it is that you should remain--" + +I interrupted him. + +"I MUST remain!" I said, firmly. "Do with me whatever you like--put me +in a cell and keep me a prisoner,--give me any hardship to endure and I +will endure it--but do not turn me away without teaching me something +of your peace and power--the peace and power which Rafel possesses, and +which I too must possess if I would help him and be all in all to him--" + +Here I paused, overcome by my own emotion. Aselzion looked full at me. + +"That is your desire?--to help him and to be all in all to him?" he +said--"Why did you not realise this ages ago? And even now you have +wavered in the allegiance you owe to him--you have doubted him, though +all your inward instincts tell you that he is your soul's true mate, +and that your own heart beats towards him like a bird in a cage beating +against the bars towards liberty!" + +I was silent. My fate seemed in a balance,--but I left it to Aselzion, +who, if his power meant anything, could read my thoughts better than I +could express them. He rose from his desk and paced slowly up and down, +absorbed in meditation. Presently he stopped abruptly in front of me. + +"If you stay here," he said--"you must understand what it means. It +means that you must dwell as one apart in your own room, entirely alone +except when summoned to receive instruction--your meals will be served +there--and you will feel like a criminal undergoing punishment rather +than enlightenment--and you may speak to no one unless spoken to first. +Moreover"--he interrupted himself and beckoned me to follow him into +another room adjoining the one we were in. Here, leading me to a +window, he showed me a very different view from the sunlit landscape +and garden I had lately looked upon,--a dismal square of rank grass in +which stood a number of black crosses. + +"These do not mark deaths,"--he said--"but failures! Failures--not in a +worldly sense--but failures in making of life the eternal and creative +thing it is--eternal HERE and now,--as long as we shall choose! Do you +seek to be one of them?" + +"No,"--I answered, quietly--"I shall not fail!" + +He gave a slight, impatient sigh. + +"So they all said--they whose records are here"--and he pointed to the +crosses with an impressive gesture--"Some of the men who have thus left +their mark with us, are at this moment among the world's most brilliant +and successful personalities--wealthy, and in great social +request,--and only they themselves know where the canker lies--only +they are aware of their own futility,--and they live, knowing that +their life must lead into other lives, and dreading that inevitable +Change which is bound by law to bring them into whatever position they +have chiefly sought!" + +His voice was grave and compassionate, and a faint tremor of fear ran +through me. + +"These were--and are--MEN!"--he continued--"And you--a woman--would +boldly attempt the adventures in which they failed! Think for a moment +how weak and ignorant and all unprepared you are! When you first began +your psychic studies with a Teacher whom we both loved and +honoured--one whom you knew by the name of Heliobas--you had scarcely +lived at all in the world;--since then you have worked hard and done +much, but in your close application to the conquest of difficulties you +have missed many things by the way. I give you credit for patience and +faith--these have accomplished much for you--and now you are at a +crucial point in your career when your Will, like the rudder of a ship, +trembles in your hand, and you are plunging into unknown further deeps +where there may be storm and darkness. There is danger ahead for any +doubting, proud, or rebellious soul,--it is but fair to warn you!" + +"I am not afraid!" I said, in a low tone--"I can but die!" + +"Child, that is just what you cannot do! Grasp that fact firmly at once +and for ever! You cannot die,--there is no such thing as death! If you +could die and have done with all duties, cares, perplexities and +struggles altogether, the eternal problem would be greatly simplified. +But the idea of death is only one of a million human delusions. Death +is an impossibility in the scheme of Life--what is called by that name +is merely a shifting and re-investiture of imperishable atoms. The +endless varying forms of this shifting and re-investiture of atoms is +the secret we and our students have set ourselves to master--and some +of us have mastered it sufficiently to control both the matter and +spirit whereof we are made. But the way of learning is not an easy +way--Rafel Santoris himself could have told you that he was all but +overcome in the trial--for I spare no one!--and if you persist in your +rash intention I cannot spare you simply because of your sex." + +"I do not ask to be spared,"--I said, gently--"I have already told you +I will endure anything." + +A slight smile crossed his face. + +"So you will, I believe!" he answered--"In the old days I can well +understand your enduring martyrdom! I can see you facing lions in the +Roman arena,"--as he thus spoke I started, and the warm blood rushed to +my cheeks--"rather than not carry out your own fixed resolve, whether +such resolve was right or wrong! I can see you preparing to drown +yourself in the waters of the Nile rather than break through man's +stupid superstition and convention! Why do you look so amazed? Am I +touching on some old memory? Come, let us leave these black embers of +coward mortality and return to the more cheerful room." + +We re-entered the library together, and he seated himself again at his +desk, turning towards me with an air of settled and impressive +authority. + +"What you want to learn,--and what every beginner in the study of +psychic law generally wants to learn first of all, is how to obtain +purely personal satisfaction and advantage,"--he said--"You want to +know three things--the secret of life--the secret of youth--the secret +of love! Thousands of philosophers and students have entered upon the +same research, and one perhaps out of the thousand has succeeded where +all the rest have failed. The story of Faust is perpetually a thing of +interest, because it treats of these secrets, which according to the +legend are only discoverable through the aid of the devil. WE know that +there is no devil, and that everything is divinely ordained by a Divine +Intelligence, so that in the deepest researches which we are permitted +to make there is nothing to fear--but Ourselves! Failure is always +brought about by the students, not by the study in which they are +engaged,--the reason of this being that when they know a little, they +think they know all,--with the result that they become intellectually +arrogant, an attitude that instantly nullifies all previous attainment. +The secret of life is a comparatively easy matter to understand--the +secret of youth a little more difficult--the secret of love the most +difficult of all, because out of love is generated both the perpetuity +of life and of youth. Now your object in coming here is, down at the +root of it, absolutely personal--I will not say selfish, because that +sounds hard--and I will give you credit for the true womanly feeling +you have, that being conscious in your own soul of Rafel Santoris as +your superior and master as well as your lover, you wish to be worthy +of him, if only in the steadfastness and heroism of your character. I +will grant you all that. I will also grant that it is perfectly +natural, and therefore right, that you should wish to retain youth and +beauty and health for his sake,--and I would even urge that this desire +should be SOLELY for his sake! But just now you are not quite sure +whether it is for his sake,--you wish to hold, for YOURSELF, the secret +of life and the power of life's continuance--the secret of youth and +the power of youth's continuance,--and you most certainly wish to have +for yourself, as well as for Rafel, the secret of love and the power of +love's continuance. None of these secrets can be disclosed to +worldlings--by which term I mean those who allow themselves to be moved +from their determination, and distracted by a thousand ephemeral +matters. I do not say you are such an one,--but you, like all who live +in the world, have your friends and acquaintances--people who are ready +to laugh at you and make mock of your highest aims--people whose +delight would be to block the way to your progress--and the question +with me is--Are you strong enough to ensure the mental strain which +will be put upon you by ignorant and vulgar opposition and even +positive derision? You may be,--you are self-willed enough, though not +always rightly so--for example, you want to gain knowledge apart from +and independently of Rafel Santoris, yet you are an incomplete identity +without him! The women of your day all follow this vicious policy--the +desire to be independent and apart from men--which is the suicide of +their nobler selves. None of them are complete creatures without their +stronger halves--they are like deformed birds with only one wing,--and +a straight flight is impossible to them." + +He ceased, and I looked up. + +"Whether I agree with you or not hardly matters,"--I said--"I admit all +my faults and am ready to amend them. But I want to learn from you all +that I may--all that you think I am capable of learning--and I promise +absolute obedience--" + +A slight smile lightened his eyes. + +"And humility?" + +I bent my head. + +"And humility!" + +"You are resolved, then?" + +"I am resolved!" + +He paused a moment, then appeared to make up his mind. + +"So be it!" he said--"But on your own head be your own mischance, if +any mischance should happen! I take no responsibility. Of your own will +you have come here--of your own will you elect to stay here, where +there is no one of your own sex with whom you can communicate--and of +your own will you must accept all the consequences. Is that agreed?" + +His steel-blue eyes flashed with an almost supernatural brilliancy as +he put the question, and I was conscious of a sense of fear. But I +conquered this and answered simply: + +"It is agreed!" + +He gave me a keen glance that swept me as it were from head to +foot--then turning from me abruptly, struck a handle on his desk which +set a loud bell clanging in some outer corridor. My former guide +entered almost immediately, and Aselzion addressed him: + +"Honorius,"--he said--"show this lady to her room, She will follow the +course of a probationer and student"--as he spoke, Honorius gave me a +look of undisguised amazement and pity--"The moment she desires to +leave, every facility for her departure is to be granted to her. As +long as she remains under instruction the rule for her, as you know, is +solitude and silence." + +I looked at him, and thought how swiftly his face had changed. It was +no longer softened by the grave benevolence and kindness that had +sustained my courage,--a stern shadow darkened it, and his eyes were +averted. I saw I was expected to leave the room, but I hesitated. + +"You will let me thank you,"--I murmured, holding out my hands +timidly--almost pleadingly. + +He turned to me slowly and took my hands in his own. + +"Poor child, you have nothing to thank me for!"--he said. "Bear in +mind, as one of your first lessons in the difficult way you are going, +that you have nothing to thank anyone for, and nothing to blame anyone +for in the shaping of your destiny but--Yourself! Go!--and may you +conquer your enemy!" + +"My enemy?" I repeated, wonderingly. + +"Yes--again Yourself! The only power any man or woman has ever had, or +ever will have, to contend with!" + +He dropped my hands, and I suppose I must have expressed some mute +appeal in my upward glance at him, for the faintest shadow of a smile +came on his lips. + +"God be with you!" he said, softly, and then with a gentle gesture +signed to me to leave him. I at once obeyed, and followed the guide +Honorius, who led me back to my own room, where, without speaking a +word, he closed and locked the door upon me as before. To my surprise, +I found my luggage which I had left at the inn placed ready for me--and +on a small dresser set in a niche of the wall which I had not noticed +before, there was a plate of fruit and dry bread, with a glass of cold +water. On going to look at this little refection, which was simply yet +daintily set out, I saw that the dresser was really a small lift, +evidently connected with the domestic offices of the house, and I +concluded that this would be the means by which all my meals would be +served. I did not waste much time in thinking about it, however,--I was +only too glad to be allowed to remain in the House of Aselzion on any +terras, and the fact that I was imprisoned under lock and key did not +now trouble me. I unpacked my few things, among which were three or +four favourite books,--then I sat down to my frugal repast, for which +hunger provided a keen appetite. When I had finished, I took a chair to +the open window and sat there, looking out on the sea. I saw my +friendly little rose leaning its crimson head against the wall just +below me with quite a confidential air, and it gave me a sense of +companionship, otherwise the solitude was profound. The sky was +darkening into night, though one or two glowing bars of deep crimson +still lingered as memories of the departed sun--and a pearly radiance +to the eastward showed a suggestion of the coming moon. I felt the +sense of deep environing silence closing me in like a wall--and looking +back over my shoulder from the window to the interior of my room it +seemed full of drifting shadows, dark and impalpable. I remembered I +had no candle or any other sort of light--and this gave me a passing +uneasiness, but only for a moment. I could go to bed, I thought, when I +was tired of watching the sea. At any rate, I would wait for the +moonrise,--the scene I looked upon was divinely peaceful and +beautiful,--one that a painter or poet would have revelled in--and I +was content. I was not conscious of any fear,--but I did feel myself +being impressed as it were and gradually overcome by the deepening +stillness and great loneliness of my surroundings. 'The rule for her is +solitude and silence.' So had said Aselzion. And evidently the rule was +being enforced. + + + + +XIV + +CROSS AND STAR + + +The moon rose slowly between two bars of dark cloud which gradually +whitened into silver beneath her shining presence, and a scintillating +pathway of diamond-like reflections began to spread itself across the +sea. I remained at the window, feeling an odd disinclination to turn +away into the darkness of my room. And I began to think that perhaps it +was rather hard that I should be left all by myself locked up in this +way;--surely I might have been allowed a light of some sort! Then I at +once reproached myself for allowing the merest suggestion of a +complaint to enter my mind, for, after all, I was an uninvited guest in +the House of Aselzion--I was not wanted--and I remembered the order +that had been issued concerning me: 'The moment she desires to leave, +every facility for departure is to be granted to her.' I was much more +afraid of this 'facility for departure' than I was of my present +solitude, and I determined to look upon the whole adventure in the best +and most cheerful light. If it was best I should be alone, then +loneliness was good--if it was necessary I should be in darkness, then +darkness was also agreeable to me. + +Scarcely had I thus made up my mind to these conditions when my room +was suddenly illumined by a soft yet effulgent radiance-and I started +up in amazement, wondering where it came from. I could see no lamps or +electric burners,--it was as if the walls glowed with some surface +luminance. When my first surprise had passed, I was charmed and +delighted with the warm and comforting brightness around me,--it rather +reminded me of the electric brilliancy on the sails of the 'Dream.' I +moved away from the window, leaving it open, as the night was very +close and warm, and sat down at the table to read a little, but after a +few minutes laid the book aside to listen to a strange whispering music +that floated towards me, apparently from the sea, and thrilled me to +the soul. No eloquent description could give any idea of the +enthralling sweetness of the harmonies that were more BREATHED upon the +air than sounded--and I became absorbed in following the rhythm of the +delicious cadences as they rose and fell. Then by degrees my thoughts +wandered away to Rafel Santoris,--where was he now?--in what peaceful +expanse of shining waters had his fairy vessel cast anchor? I pictured +him in my brain till I could almost see his face,--the broad brow,--the +fearless, tender eyes and smile--and I could fancy that I heard the +deep, soft accents of his voice, always so gentle when he spoke to +me--me, who had half resented his influence! And a quick wave of long +pent-up tenderness rose in my heart--my whole soul ran out, as it were, +to greet him with outstretched arms--I knew in my own consciousness +that he was more than all the world to me, and I said aloud:--"My +beloved, I love you! I love you!" to the silence, almost as if I +thought it could convey the words to him whom most I desired to hear +them. + +Then I felt how foolish and futile it was to talk to the empty air when +I might have confessed myself to the real lover of my life face to +face, had I been less sceptical,--less proud! Was not my very journey +to the House of Aselzion a testimony of my own doubting attitude?--for +I had come, as I now admitted to myself, first to make sure that +Aselzion really existed--and secondly, to prove to my own satisfaction +that he was truly able to impart the mystical secrets which Rafel +seemed to know. I wearied myself out at last with thinking to no +purpose, and closing the window I undressed and went to bed. As I lay +down, the light in my room was suddenly extinguished, and all was +darkness again except for the moon, which sent a clear white ray +straight through the lattice, there being no curtain to shut it out. +For some time I remained awake on my hard little couch, looking at this +ray, and steadily refusing to allow any sense of fear or loneliness to +gain the mastery over me--the music which had so enchanted me +ceased--and everything was perfectly still. And by and by my eyes +closed--my tired limbs relaxed,--and I fell into a sound and dreamless +sleep. + +When I awoke it was full morning, and the sunshine poured into my room +like a shower of gold. I sprang up, full of delight that the night had +passed so peacefully and that nothing strange or terrifying had +occurred, though I do not know why I should have expected this. +Everything seemed wonderfully fresh and beautiful in the brightness of +the new day, and the very plainness of my room had a fascination +greater than any amount of luxury. The only unusual thing I noticed was +that the soft cold water with which my bath was supplied sparkled as +though it were effervescent,--once or twice it seemed to ripple with a +diamond-like foam, and it was never actually still. I watched its +glittering movement for some minutes before bathing--then, feeling +certain it was charged with some kind of electricity, I plunged into it +without hesitation and enjoyed to the utmost the delicious sense of +invigoration it gave me. When my toilet was completed and I had attired +myself in a simple morning gown of white linen, as being more suitable +to the warmth of the weather than the black one I had travelled in, I +went to throw open my window and let in all the freshness of the +sea-air, and was surprised to see a small low door open in the side of +the turret, through which I discovered a winding stair leading +downward. Yielding to the impulse of the moment, I descended it, and at +the end found myself in an exquisite little rock garden abutting on the +seashore. I could actually open a gate, and walk to the very edge of +the sea. I was no longer a prisoner, then!--I could run away if I chose! + +I looked about me--and smiled as I saw the impossibility of any escape. +The little garden belonged exclusively to the turret, and on each side +of it impassable rocks towered up almost to the height of the Chateau +d'Aselzion itself, while the bit of shore on which I stood was equally +hemmed in by huge boulders against which the waves had dashed for +centuries without making much visible impression. Yet it was delightful +to feel I was allowed some liberty and open air, and I stayed for some +minutes watching the sea and revelling in the warmth of the southern +sun. Then I retraced my steps slowly, looking everywhere about me as I +went, to see if there was anyone near. Not a soul was in sight. + +I returned to my room to find my bed made as neatly as though it had +never been slept upon,--and my breakfast, consisting of a cup of milk +and some wheaten biscuits, set out upon the table. I was quite ready +for the meal, and enjoyed it. When I had finished, I took my empty cup +and plate and put them on the dresser in the niche, whereupon the +dresser was instantly lowered, and very soon disappeared. Then I began +to wonder how I should employ myself. It was no use writing letters, +though I had my own travelling desk ready for this purpose,--I did not +wish my friends or acquaintances to know where I was--and even if I had +written to any of them it was hardly likely that my correspondence +would ever reach them. For I felt sure the mystic Brotherhood of +Aselzion would not allow me to communicate with the outside world so +long as I remained with them. I sat meditating,--and I began to +consider that several days passed thus aimlessly would be difficult to +bear. I could not keep correct count of time, my watch having stopped, +and there was no clock or chime of any sort in the place that I could +hear. The stillness around me would have been oppressive but for the +soft dash of little waves breaking on the beach below my window. All at +once, to my great joy, the door of my room opened, and the personage +called Honorius entered. He bent his head slightly by way of +salutation, and then said briefly,-- + +"You are commanded to follow me." + +I rose obediently, and stood ready. He looked at me intently and with +curiosity, as though he sought to read my mind. Remembering that +Aselzion had said I was not to speak unless spoken to, I only returned +his look steadfastly, and with a smile. + +"You are not unhappy, or afraid, or restless,"--he said, slowly--"That +is well! You are making a good beginning. And now, whatever you see or +hear, keep silence! If you desire to speak, speak now--but after we +leave this room not a word must escape your lips--not a single +exclamation,--your business is to listen, learn and obey!" + +He waited--giving me the opportunity to say something in reply--but I +preferred to hold my peace. He then handed me a folded length of soft +white material, opaque, yet fine and silky as gossamer. + +"Cover yourself with this veil,"--he said--"and do not raise it till +you return here." + +I unfolded it and threw it quickly over me--it was as delicate as a +filmy cloud and draped me from head to foot, effectually concealing me +from the eyes of others though I myself could see through it perfectly. +Honorius then signed to me to follow, and I did so, my heart beating +quickly with excitement and expectation. + +We went through many passages with intricate turnings that seemed to +have no outlet,--it was like threading one's way through a maze--till +at last I found myself shut within a small cell-like place with an +opening in front of me through which I gazed upon a strange and +picturesque scene. I saw the interior of a small but perfectly +beautiful Gothic chapel, exquisitely designed, and lit by numerous +windows of stained glass, through which the sunlight filtered in +streams of radiant colour, patterning with gold, crimson and blue, the +white marble flooring below. Between every tapering column that +supported the finely carved roof, were two rows of benches, one above +the other, and here sat an array of motionless white figures,--men in +the garb of their mysterious Order, their faces almost concealed by +their drooping cowls. There was no altar in this chapel,--but at its +eastern end where the altar might have been, was a dark purple curtain +against which blazed in brilliant luminance a Cross and Seven-pointed +Star. The rays of light shed by this uplifted Symbol of an unwritten +Creed were so vivid as to be almost blinding, and nearly eclipsed the +summer glory of the sun itself. Awed by the strange and silent +solemnity of my surroundings, I was glad to be hidden under the folds +of my enshrouding white veil, though I realised that I was in a sort of +secret recess made purposely for the use of those who were summoned to +see all that went on in the chapel without being seen. I waited, full +of eager anticipation,--and presently the low vibrating sound of the +organ trembled on the air, gradually increasing in volume and power +till a magnificent rush of music poured from it like a sudden storm +breaking through clouds. I drew a long breath of pure ecstasy,--I could +have knelt and wept tears of gratitude for the mere sense of hearing! +Such music was divine!--the very idea of mortality was swallowed up in +it and destroyed, and the imprisoned soul mounted up to the highest +life on wings of light, rejoicing! + +When it ceased, as it did all too soon, there followed a profound +silence,--so profound that I could hear the quick beating of my own +heart as if I were the only living thing in the place. I turned my eyes +towards the dazzling Cross and Star with its ever darting rays of fiery +brilliancy, and the effect of its perpetual sparkle of lambent fire was +as if an electric current were giving off messages which no mortal +skill would ever be able to decipher or put into words, but which found +their way to one's deepest inward consciousness. All at once there was +a slight movement among the rows of white-garmented, white-cowled +figures hitherto sitting so motionless,--and with one accord they rose +to their feet as a figure, tall, stately and imposing, came walking +slowly across the chapel and stood directly in front of the flaming +Symbol, holding both hands outstretched as though invoking a blessing. +It was the Master, Aselzion,--Aselzion invested with such dignity and +splendour as I had never thought possible to man. He might have posed +for some god or hero,--his aspect was one of absolute power and calm +self-poise,--other men might entertain doubts of themselves at the +intention of their lives, but this one in his mere bearing expressed +sureness, strength and authority. He wore his cowl thrown back, and +from where I sat in my secluded corner I could see his features +distinctly, and could watch the flash of his fine steadfast eyes as he +turned them upon his followers. Keeping his hands extended, he said, in +a firm, clear voice: + +"To the Creator of all things visible and invisible let us offer up our +gratitude and praise, and so begin this day!" + +And a responsive murmur of voices answered him: + + "We praise Thee, O Divine Power of Love and Life eternal! + We praise Thee for all we are! + We praise Thee for all we have been! + We praise Thee for all we hope to be!--Amen." + +There followed a moment's tense silence. Then the assembled brethren +sat down in their places, and Aselzion spoke in measured, distinct +accents, with the easy and assured manner of a practised orator. + +"Friends and Brethren! + +"We are gathered here together to consider in this moment of time the +things we have done in the past, and the things we are preparing to do +in the future. We know that from the Past, stretching back into +infinity, we have ourselves made the Present,--and according to Divine +law we also know that from this Present, stretching forward into +infinity, we shall ourselves evolve all that is yet To Come. There is +no power, no deity, no chance, no 'fortuitous concurrence of atoms' in +what is simply a figure of the Universal Mathematics. Nothing can be +'forgiven' under the eternal law of Compensation,--nothing need be +'prayed for,' since everything is designed to accomplish each +individual spirit's ultimate good. You are here to learn not only the +secret of life, but something of how to live that life; and I, in my +capacity, am only striving to teach what Nature has been showing you +for thousands of centuries, though you have not cared to master her +lessons. The science of to-day is but Nature's first primer--a +spelling-book as it were, with the alphabet set out in pictures. You +are told by sagacious professors,--who after all are no more than +children in their newly studied wisdom,--that human life was evolved in +the first instance from protoplasm--as they THINK,--but they lack the +ability to tell you how the protoplasm was itself evolved--and WHY; +where the material came from that went to the making of millions of +solar systems and trillions of living organisms concerning whose +existence we have no knowledge or perception. Some of them deny a +God,--but most of them are driven to confess that there must be an +Intelligence, supreme and omnipotent, behind the visible Universe. +Order cannot come out of Chaos without a directing Mind; and Order +would be quickly submerged into Chaos again were not the directing Mind +of a nature to sustain its method and condition. + +"We start, therefore, with this Governing Intelligence or directing +Mind, which must, like the brain of man, be dual, combining the male +and female attributes, since we see that it expresses itself throughout +all creation in dual form and type. Intelligence, Mind, or Spirit, +whichever we may elect to call it, is inherently active and must find +an outlet for its powers,--and the very fact of this necessity produces +Desire to perpetuate Itself in varied ways: this again is the first +attribute of Love. Hence Love is the foundation of worlds, and the +source of all living organisms,--the dual atoms, or ions of spirit and +matter yielding to Attraction, Union and Reproduction. If we master +this fact reasonably and thoroughly, we shall be nearer the +comprehension of life." + +He paused a moment,--then advanced a step or two and went on, the +flaming Symbol behind him seeming literally to envelop him in its beams. + +"What we have to learn first of all is, how these laws affect us as +individual human beings and as separate personalities. It is necessary +to avoid all obscurity of language in setting forth the simple +principles which should guide and preserve each human existence, and my +explanation shall be as brief and plain as I can make it. Granted that +there is a Divine Mind or Governing Intelligence behind the infinitude +of vital and productive atoms which in their union and reproduction +build up the wonders of the Universe, we see and admit that one of the +chief results of the working of this Divine Mind is Man. He is, so we +have been told--'the image of God.' This expression may be taken as a +poetic line in the Scriptures, meaning no more than poetic +imagery,--but it is nevertheless a truth. Man is a kind of Universe in +himself--he too is a conglomeration of atoms--atoms that are active, +reproductive, and desirous of perpetual creativeness. Behind them, as +in the nature of the Divine, there is the Governing Intelligence, the +Mind, the Spirit,--dual in type, double-sexed in action. Without the +Mind to control it, the constitution of Man is chaos,--just as the +Universe itself would be without the Creator's governance. What we have +chiefly to remember is, that just as the Spirit behind visible Nature +is Divine and eternal, so is the Spirit behind each one of our +individual selves also Divine and eternal. It HAS BEEN always,--it WILL +BE always, and we move as distinct personalities through successive +phases of life, each one under the influence of his or her own +controlling Soul, to higher and ever higher perception and attainment. +The great majority of the world's inhabitants live with less +consciousness of this Spirit than flies or worms--they build up +religions in which they prate of God and immortality as children +prattle, without the smallest effort to understand either,--and at the +Change which they call death, they pass out of this life without having +taken the trouble to discover, acknowledge or use the greatest gift God +has bestowed upon them. But we,--we who are here to realise the +existence of the all-powerful Force which gives us complete mastery +over the things of space and time and matter--we, who know that over +that individual moving universe of atoms called Man, It can hold +absolute control,--we can prove for ourselves that the whole earth is +subject to the dominance of the immortal Soul,--ay!--and the very +elements of air, fire and water!--for these are but the ministers and +servants to Its sovereign authority!" + +He paused again--and after a minute or two of silence, went on-- + +"This beautiful earth, this over-arching sky, the exquisite things of +Nature's form and loveliness, are all given to Man, not only for his +material needs, but for his spiritual growth and evolvement. From the +light of the sun he may draw fresh warmth and colour for his +blood--from the air new supplies of life--from the very trees and herbs +and flowers he may renew his strength,--and there is nothing created +that is not intended to add in some measure to his pleasure and +well-being. For if the foundation of the Universe be Love, as it is, +then Love desires to see its creatures happy. Misery has no place in +the Divine scheme of things--it is the result of Man's own opposition +to Natural Law. In Natural Law, all things work calmly, slowly and +steadfastly together for good--Nature silently obeys God's ordinance. +Man, on the contrary, questions, argues, denies, rebels,--with the +result that he scatters his force and fails in his highest effort. It +is in his own power to renew his own youth--his own vitality,--yet we +see him sink of his own accord into feebleness and decrepitude, giving +himself up, as it were, to be devoured by the disintegrating influences +which he could easily repel. For, as the directing Spirit of God +governs the infinitude of atoms and star-dust which go to make up +universes, so the mind of a Man should govern the atoms and star-dust +of which he himself is composed--guiding their actions and renewing +them at pleasure,--forming them into suns and systems of thought and +creative power, and wasting no particle of his eternal life forces. He +can be what he elects to be,--a god,--or merely one of a mass of units +in embryo, drifting away from one phase of existence to another in +unintelligent indifference, and so compelling himself to pass centuries +of aimless movement before entering upon any marked or decisive path of +individual and separate action. The greater number prefer to be +nothings in this way, though they cannot escape the universal grinding +mill,--they must be used for some purpose in the end, be they never so +reluctant. Therefore, we, who study the latent powers of man, judge it +wiser to meet and accept our destiny rather than fall back in the race +and allow destiny to overtake US and whip us into place with rods of +sharp experience. If there is anyone here present who now desires to +speak,--to ask a question,--or deny a statement, let him come forward +boldly and say what he has to say without fear." + +As he thus spoke, I, looking from my little hidden recess, saw a +movement among the seated brethren; one of them rose and descending +from his place, walked slowly towards Aselzion till he was within a few +paces of him--then he paused, and threw back his cowl, showing a worn +handsome face on which some great sorrow seemed to be marked too +strongly to be ever erased. + +"I do not wish to live!"--he said--"I came here to study life, but not +to learn how to keep it. I would lose it gladly for the merest trifle! +For life is to me a bitter thing--a hideous and inexplicable torment! +Why should you, O Aselzion, teach us how to live long? Why not rather +teach us how to die soon?" + +Aselzion's eyes were bent upon him with a grave and tender compassion. + +"What accusation do you bring against life?" he asked--"How has life +wronged you?" + +"How has life wronged me?" and the unhappy man threw up his hands with +a gesture of desperation--"You, who profess to read thought and gauge +the soul, can you ask? How has life wronged me? By sheer injustice! +From my first breath--for I never asked to be born!--from my early days +when all my youthful dreams and aspirations were checked, smothered and +killed by loving parents!--loving parents, forsooth!--whose idea of +'love' was money! Every great ambition frustrated--every higher hope +slain!--and in my own love--that love of woman which is man's chief +curse--even she was false and worthless as a spurious coin--caring +nothing whether my life was saved or ruined--it was ruined, of +course!--but what matter?--who need care! Only the weariness of it +all!--the day after day burden of time!--the longing to lie down and +hide beneath the comfortable grass in peace,--where no false friend, no +treacherous love, no 'kind' acquaintances, glad to see me suffer, can +ever point their mocking hands or round their cruel eyes at me again! +Aselzion, if the God you serve is half as wicked as the men He made, +then Heaven itself is Hell!" + +He spoke deliberately, yet with passion. Aselzion silently regarded +him. The fiery Cross and Star blazed with strange colours like millions +of jewels, and the deep stillness in the chapel was for many minutes +unbroken. All at once, as though impelled by some irresistible force, +he sank on his knees. + +"Aselzion! As you are strong, have patience with the weak! As you see +the Divine, pity those who are blind! As you stand firm, stretch a hand +to those whose feet are on the shifting quicksands, and if death and +oblivion are among the gifts of your bestowal, withhold them not from +me, for I would rather die than live!" + +There was a pause. Then Aselzion's voice, calm, clear and very gentle, +vibrated on the silence. + +"There is no death!" he said--"You cannot die! There is no +oblivion,--you may not forget! There is but one way of life--to live +it!" + +Another moment's stillness--then again the steady, resolute voice went +on. + +"You accuse life of injustice,--it is you who are unjust to life! Life +gave you those dreams and aspirations you speak of,--it was in your +power to realise them! I say it was in your power, had you chosen! No +parents, no friends, not God Himself, can stop you from doing what you +WILL to do! Who frustrated any great ambition of yours but yourself? +Who can slay a hope but him in whose soul it was born? And that love of +woman?--was she your true mate?--or only a thing of eyes and hair and +vanity? Did your passion touch her body only, or did it reach her Soul? +Did you seek to know whether that Soul had ever wakened within her, or +were you too well satisfied with her surface beauty to care? In all +these things blame Yourself, not life!--for life gives you earth and +heaven, time and eternity for the attainment of joy--joy, in which, but +for Yourself, there would never be a trace of sorrow!" + +The kneeling penitent--for such he now appeared to be--covered his face +with his hands. + +"I cannot give you death,"--continued Aselzion-"You can take what is +called by that name for yourself if you choose--you can by your own +action, sudden or premeditated, destroy this present form and +composition of yourself for just so long as it takes the forces of +Nature to build you up again--an incredibly brief moment of time! But +you gain nothing--you neither lose your consciousness nor your memory! +Ponder this well before you pull down your present dwelling-house!--for +ingratitude breeds narrowness, and your next habitation might be +smaller and less fitted for peace and quiet breathing!" + +With these words, gently spoken, he raised the penitent from his knees, +and signed to him to return to his place. He did so obediently, without +another word, pulling his cowl closely about him so that none of his +fellow-brethren might see his features. Another man then stepped +forward and addressed Aselzion. + +"Master"--he said, "would it not be better to die than to grow old? If, +as you teach us, there is no real death, should there be any real +decay? What pleasure is there in life when the strength fails and the +pulses slacken--when the warm blood grows chill and stagnant, and when +even those we have loved consider we have lived too long? I who speak +now am old, though I am not conscious of age--but others are conscious +for me,--their looks, their words, imply that I am in their way--that I +am slowly dying like a lopped tree and that the process is too tedious +for their impatience. And yet--I could be young!--my powers of work +have increased rather than lessened--I enjoy life more than those that +have youth on their side--but I know I carry the burden of seventy +years upon me, and I say that surely it is better to die than live even +so long!" + +Aselzion, standing in the full light of the glittering Cross and Star, +looked upon him with a smile. + +"I also carry the burden--if burden you must call it--of seventy +years!" he said--"But years are nothing to me--they should be nothing +to you. Who asked you to count them or to consider them? In the world +of wild Nature, time is measured by seasons only--the bird does not +know how old it is--the rose-tree does not count its birthdays! You, +whom I know to be a brave man and patient student, have lived the usual +life of men in the world--you are wedded to a Woman who has never cared +to understand the deeper side of your nature, and who is now far older +than you, though in actual years younger,--you have children who look +upon you as their banker merely and who, while feigning affection, +really wait for your death with eagerness in order to possess your +fortune. You might as well have never had those children!--I know all +this as you yourself know it--I also know that through the +word-impressions and influence of so-called 'friends' who wish to +persuade you of your age, the disintegrating process has begun,--but +this can be arrested. You yourself can arrest it!--the dream of Faust +is no fallacy!--only that the renewal of youth is not the work of magic +evil, but of natural good. If you would be young, leave the world as +you have known it and begin it anew,--leave wife, children, friends, +all that hang like fungi upon an oak, rotting its trunk and sapping its +strength without imparting any new form of vitality. Live again--love +again!" + +"I!"--and he who was thus spoken to threw back his cowl, showing a face +wan and deeply wrinkled, yet striking in its fine intellectuality of +feature--"I!--with these white hairs! You jest with me, Aselzion!" + +"I never jest!"--replied Aselzion--"I leave jesting to the fools who +prate of life without comprehending its first beginnings. I do not jest +with you--put me to the proof! Obey my rules here but for six months +and you shall pass out of these walls with every force in your body and +spirit renewed in youth and vitality! But Yourself must work the +miracle,--which, after all, is no miracle! Yourself must build +Yourself!--as everyone is bound to do who would make the fullest living +out of life. If you hesitate,--if you draw back,--if you turn with one +foolish regret or morbid thought to your past mistakes in life which +ARE past--to her, your wife, a wife in name but never in soul,--to your +children, born of animal instinct but not of spiritual deep love,--to +those your 'friends' who count up your years as though they were +crimes,--you check the work of re-invigoration, and you stultify the +forces of renewal. You must choose--and the choice must be voluntary +and deliberate,--for no man becomes aged and effete without his own +intention and inclination to that end,--and equally, no man retains or +renews his youth without a similar intention and inclination. Take two +days to consider--and then tell me your mind." + +The man he thus addressed hesitated as though he had something more to +say--then with a deep obeisance went back to his place. Aselzion waited +till he was seated--and after the brief interval spoke again-- + +"If all of you here present are content with your rule of life in this +place, and with the studies you are undertaking, and none of you wish +to leave, I ask for the usual sign." + +All the brethren rose, and raised their arms above their +heads--dropping them slowly again after a second's pause. + +"Enough!" and Aselzion now moved towards the Cross and Star, fronting +it fully. As he did so, I saw to my astonishment and something of +terror that the rays proceeding from the centre of the Symbol flamed +out to an extraordinary length, surrounding his whole figure and +filling the chapel with a lurid brilliancy as though it were suddenly +on fire. Straight into the centre of the glowing flames he steadily +advanced--then, at a certain point, turned again and faced his +followers. But what an aspect now was his! The light about him seemed +to be part of his very body and garments--he was transfigured into the +semblance of something god-like and angelic--and I was overcome with +fear and awe as I looked upon him. Lifting one hand, he made the sign +of the cross,--whereat the white-robed brethren descended from their +places, and walking one by one in line, came up to him where he stood. +He spoke--and his voice rang out like a silver clarion-- + +"O Divine Light!" he exclaimed--"We are a part of Thee, and into Thee +we desire to become absorbed! From Thee we know we may obtain an +immortality of life upon this gracious earth! O Nature, beloved Mother, +whose bosom burns with hidden fires of strength, we are thy children, +born of thee in spirit as in matter,--in us thou hast distilled thy +rains and dews, thy snows and frosts, thy sunlight and thy storm!--in +us thou hast embodied thy prolific beauty, thy productiveness, thy +power and thy advancement towards good--and more than all thou hast +endowed us with the divine passion of Love which kindles the fire +whereof thou art created and whereby we are sustained! Take us, O +Light! Keep us, O Nature!--and Thou, O God, Supreme Spirit of Love, +whose thought is Flame, and whose desire is Creation, be Thou our +guide, supporter and instructor through all worlds without end! Amen!" + +Once more the glorious music of the organ surged through the chapel +like a storm,--and I, trembling in every limb, knelt, covering my +veiled face closely with my hands, overcome by the splendour of the +sound and the strangeness of the scene. Gradually, very gradually, the +music died away--a deep silence followed--and when I lifted my head, +the chapel was empty! Aselzion and his disciples had vanished, +noiselessly, as though they had never been present. Only the Cross and +Star still remained glittering against its dark purple +background--darting out long tremulous rays, some of which were pale +violet, others crimson, others of the delicate hues of the pink topaz. + +I looked round,--then behind me,--and to my surprise saw that the door +of my little recess had been unlocked and left open. Acting on an +impulse too strong to resist, I stole softly out, and stepping on +tiptoe, scarcely daring to breathe, I found my way through a low +archway into the body of the chapel, and stood there all alone, my +heart beating loudly with positive terror. Yet there was nothing to +fear. No one was near me that I could see, but I felt as if there were +thousands of eyes watching me from the roof, from behind the columns, +and from the stained-glass windows that shed their light on the marble +pavement. And the glowing radiance of the Cross and Star in all that +stillness was almost terrible!--the long bright rays were like tongues +of fire mutely expressing unutterable things! Fascinated, I drew nearer +and nearer--then paused abruptly, checked by a kind of vibration under +me, as though the ground rocked--presently, however, I gained fresh +courage to go on, and by degrees was drawn into a perfect vortex of +light which rushed upon me like great waves on all sides so forcibly +that I had hardly any knowledge of my own movements. Like a creature in +a dream I moved,--my very hands looked transparent and spirit-like as I +stretched them out towards that marvellous Symbol!--and when my eyes +glanced for a moment at the folds of my covering veil I saw that its +white silkiness shone with a pale amethystine hue. On--on I went,--a +desperate idea possessing me to go as far as I could into that strange +starry centre of living luminance--the very boldness of the thought +appalled me even while I encouraged it--but step by step I went on +resolutely till I suddenly felt myself caught as it were in a wheel of +fire! Round and round me it whirled,--darting points of radiance as +sharp as spears which seemed to enter my body and stab it through and +through--I struggled for breath and tried to draw back,--impossible! I +was tangled up in a net of endless light-vibrations which, though they +gave forth no heat, yet quivered through my whole being with searching +intensity as though bent on probing to the very centre of my soul! I +could not utter a sound,--I stood there dumb, immovable, and shrouded +in million-coloured flame, too stunned with the shock to realise my own +identity. Then all at once something dark and cool floated over me like +the shadow of a passing cloud--I looked up and strove to utter a +cry,--a word of appeal!--and then fell to the ground, lost in complete +unconsciousness. + + + + +XV + +A FIRST LESSON + + +I do not know how long I lay there lost to sight and sense, but when I +came to myself, I was in a quiet, shadowy place, like a kind of little +hermitage, with a window opening out upon the sea. I was lying on a +couch, with the veil I had worn still covering me, and as I opened my +eyes and looked about me I saw that it was night, and that the moon was +tracing a silver network of beams across the waves. There was a +delicious fragrance on the air--it came from a group of roses set in a +tall crystal vase close to where I lay. Then, as I gradually regained +full knowledge of my own existence, I perceived a table in the room +with a lamp burning upon it, and at the table sat no less a personage +than Aselzion himself, reading. I was so amazed at the sight of him +that for the moment I lay inert, afraid to move--for I was almost sure +I had incurred his displeasure--till suddenly, with the feeling of a +child seeking pardon for an offence, I sprang up and ran to him, +throwing myself on my knees at his feet. + +"Aselzion, forgive me!" I murmured--"I have done wrong--I had no right +to go so far--" + +He turned his eyes upon me, smiling, and took me gently by the hands. + +"Who denies your right to go far if you have the strength and +courage?"--he said--"Dear child, I have nothing to forgive! You are the +maker of your own destiny! But you have been bold!--though you are a +mere woman you have dared to do what few men attempt. This is the power +of love within you--that perfect love which casteth out fear! You +risked a danger which has not harmed you--you have come out of it +unscathed,--so may it be with every ordeal through which you may yet be +tried as by fire!" + +He raised me from where I knelt,--but I still held his hands. + +"I could not help it!" I said--"Your command for me was 'silence and +solitude'--and in that silence and solitude I remained while I watched +you all,--and I heard everything that was said--this was your wish and +order. And when you all went away, the silence and solitude would have +been the same but for that Cross and Star! THEY seemed to speak!--to +call me--to draw me to them--and I went--hardly knowing why, yet +feeling that I MUST go!--and then--" + +Aselzion pressed my hands gently. + +"Then the Light claimed its own,"--he said--"and courage had its +reward! The door of your recess in the chapel was opened by my +instructions,--I wished to see what you would do. You have no +conception as yet of what you HAVE done!--but that does not matter. You +have passed one test successfully--for had you remained passive in your +place till someone came to remove you, I should have known you for a +creature of weak will and transitory impulses. But you are stronger +than I thought--so to-night I have come to give you your first lesson." + +"My first lesson!" I repeated the words after him wonderingly as he let +go my hands and put me gently into a chair which I had not perceived +but which stood in the shadow cast by the lamp almost immediately +opposite to him. + +"Yes!--your first lesson!" he answered, smiling gravely--"The first +lesson in what you have come here to learn,--the perpetuation of your +life on earth for just so long as you desire it--the secret which gives +to Rafel Santoris his youth and strength and power, as well as his +governance over certain elemental forces. But first take this"--and he +poured out from a quaintly shaped flask a full glass of deep +red-coloured wine--"This is no magic potion--it is simply a form of +nourishment which will be safer for you than solid food,--and I know +you have eaten nothing all day since your light breakfast. Drink it +all--every drop!" + +I obeyed--it seemed tasteless and strengthless, like pure water. + +"Now"--he continued--"I will put before you a very simple illustration +of the truth which underlies all Nature. If you were taken into a vast +plain, and there saw two opposing armies, the one actuated by a passion +for destruction, the other moved only by a desire for good, you would +naturally wish the latter force to win, would you not?" + +I answered "Yes" at once, without hesitation. + +"But suppose"--he went on--"that BOTH armies were actuated by good, and +that the object of the destroying force was only to break down what was +effete and mischievous, in order to build it up again in stronger and +nobler forms, while the aim of the other was to strictly preserve and +maintain the advantages it possessed, which side would then have your +sympathy?" + +I tried to think, but could not instantly determine. + +"Here is your point of hesitation,"--he said--"and here the usual limit +of human comprehension. Both forces are good,--but as a rule we can +only side with one. We name that one Life,--the other Death. We think +Life alone stands for what is living, and that Death is a kind of +cessation of Life instead of being one of Life's most active forms. The +Universe is entirely composed of these two fighting forces--we call +them good and evil--but there is no evil-there is only a destruction of +what MIGHT be harmful if allowed to exist. To put it clearly, the +million millions of atoms and electrons which compose the everlasting +elements of Spirit and Matter are dual--that is to say, of two +kinds--those which preserve their state of equilibrium, and those whose +work is to disintegrate, in order to build up again. As with the +Universe, so with the composition of a human being. In you, as in +myself, there exist these two forces--and our souls are, so to speak, +placed on guard between them. The one set of atoms is prepared to +maintain the equilibrium of health and life, but if through the neglect +and unwatchfulness of the sentinel Soul any of them are allowed to +become disused and effete, the other set, whose business it is to +disintegrate whatever is faulty and useless for the purpose of renewing +it in better form, begins to work--and this disintegrating process is +our conception of decay and death. Yet, as a matter of fact, such +process cannot even BEGIN without our consent and collusion. Life can +be retained in our possession for an indefinite period on this +earth,--but it can only be done through our own actions--our own wish +and will." + +I looked at him questioningly. + +"One may wish and will many things,"--I said--"But the result is not +always successful." + +"Is that your experience?" he asked, bending his keen eyes full upon +me--"You know, if you are true to yourself, that no power can resist +the insistence of a strong Will brought steadily to bear on any +intention. If the effort fails, it is only because the Will has +hesitated. What have you made of some of your past lives--you and your +lover both--through hesitation at a supreme moment!" + +I looked at him appealingly. + +"If we made mistakes, could we altogether help it?" I asked--"Does it +not seem that we tried for the best?" + +He smiled slightly. + +"No, it does not seem so to me,"--he replied--"The mainspring of your +various previous existences,--the law of attraction drawing you +together was, and is, Love. This you fought against as though it were a +crime, and in many cases you obeyed the temporary conventionalities of +man rather than the unchanging ordinance of God. And now--divided as +you have been--lost as you have been in endless whirlpools of +infinitude, you are brought together again--and though your lover has +ceased to question, you have not ceased to doubt!" + +"I do not doubt!" I exclaimed, suddenly, and with passion--"I love him +with all my soul!--I will never lose him again!" + +Aselzion looked at me questioningly. + +"How do you know you have not lost him already?" he said. + +At this a sudden wave of despair swept over me--a chill sense of +emptiness and desolation. Could it be possible that my own rashness and +selfishness had again separated me from my beloved?--for so I now +called him in my heart--had I by some foolish, distrustful thought +estranged him once more from my soul? The rising tears choked me--I +rose from my seat, hardly knowing what I did, and went to the window +for air--Aselzion followed me and laid his hand gently on my shoulder. + +"It is not so difficult to win love as to keep it!"--he +said--"Misunderstanding, and want of quick sympathy, end in heart-break +and separation. And this is far worse than what mortals call death." + +The burning tears fell slowly from my eyes--every word seemed to pierce +my heart--I looked yearningly out on the sea, rippling under the moon. +I thought of the day, barely a week ago, when Rafel stood beside me, +his hand clasping mine,--such a little division of time seemed to have +elapsed since we were together, and yet how long! At last I spoke-- + +"I would rather die, if death were possible, than lose his love"--I +said--"And where there is no love, surely there must be death?" + +Aselzion sighed. + +"Poor child! Now you understand why the lonely Soul hurls itself wildly +from one phase of existence to another till it finds its true +mate!"--he answered--"You say truly that where there is no love there +is no real life. It is merely a semi-conscious existence. But you have +no cause to grieve--not now,--not if you are firm and faithful. Rafel +Santoris is safe and well--and his soul is so much with you--you are so +constantly in his thoughts, that it is as if he were himself here--see!" + +And he placed his two hands for a moment over my eyes and then removed +them. I uttered a cry of ecstasy--for there before me on the moonlit +water I saw the 'Dream'!--her sails glittering with light, and her +aerial shape clearly defined against the sky! Oh, how I longed to fly +across the strip of water which alone seemed to divide us!--and once +more to stand on the deck beside him whom I now loved more than my very +hopes of heaven! But I knew it was only a vision conjured up before me +by the magic of Aselzion,--a magic used gently for my sake, to help and +comfort me in a moment of sadness and heart's longing. And I watched, +knowing that the picture must fade,--as it slowly did,--vanishing like +a rainbow in a swirl of cloud. + +"It is indeed a 'Dream'!" I said, smiling faintly, as I turned again to +Aselzion--"I pray that love itself may never be so fleeting!" + +"If love is fleeting, it is not love!"--he answered--"As ephemeral +passion called by that name is the ordinary sort of attraction existing +between ordinary men and women,--men, who see no farther than the +gratification of a desire, and women, who see no higher than the +yielding to that desire. Men who love in the highest and most faithful +meaning of the term, are much rarer than women,--women are very near +the divine in love when it is first awakened in them--if afterwards +they sink to a lower level, it is generally the men who have dragged +them down. Unless a man is bent on the highest, he is apt to settle on +the lowest--whereas a woman generally soars to the highest ideals at +first in the blind instinct of a Soul seeking its mate--how often she +is hurled back from the empyrean only the angels know! Not to all is +given power to master and control the life-forces--and it is this I +would have you understand before I leave you to-night. I can teach you +the way to hold your life safely above all disintegrating elements--but +the learning of the lesson rests with yourself." + +He sat down, and I resumed my place in the chair opposite to him, +prepared to hear him with the closest attention. There were a few +things on the table which I had not previously noticed, and one of +these was a circular object covered with a cloth. He removed this +covering, and showed me a crystal globe which appeared to be full of +some strange volatile fluid, clear in itself, but intersected with +endless floating brilliant dots and lines. + +"Look well at this"--he said--"for here you have a very simple +manifestation of a great truth. These dots and lines which you observe +perpetually in motion are an epitome of what is going on in the +composition of every human being. Some of them, as you see, go in +different directions, yet meet and mingle with each other at various +points of convergence--then again become separated. They are the +building-up and the disintegrating forces of the whole +cosmos--and--mark this well!--they are all, when unimprisoned, directed +by a governing will-power. You, in your present state of existence, are +simply an organised Form, composed of these atoms, and your will-power, +which is part of the Divine creative influence, is set within you to +govern them. If you govern them properly, the building-up and +revivifying atoms within you obey your command, and with increasing +strength gradually control and subdue their disintegrating +opponents,--opponents which after all are only their servants, ready to +disencumber them from all that is worthless and useless at the first +sign of disablement. There is nothing more simple than this law, which +has only to be followed in order to preserve both life and youth. It 5s +all contained in an effort of the WILL, to which everything in Nature +responds, just as a well-steered ship obeys the compass. Remember this +well!--I say, EVERYTHING IN NATURE! This crystal globe holds +momentarily imprisoned atoms which cannot just now be directed because +they are shut in, away from all Will to govern them--but if I left them +as they are for a few more hours their force would shatter the crystal, +and they would escape to resume their appointed way. They are only +shown to you as an object lesson, to prove that such things ARE--they +are facts, not dreams. You, like this crystal globe, are full of +imprisoned atoms--atoms of Spirit and Matter which work together to +make you what you are--but you have also the governing Will which is +meant to control them and move them either to support, sustain and +revivify you, or else to weaken, break down and finally disperse and +disintegrate you, preparatory to your assumption of another form and +phase of existence. Now, do you begin to understand?" + +"I think I do,"--I answered--"But is it possible always to make this +effort of the Will?" + +"There is no moment in which you do not, consciously or subconsciously, +'will' something"--he answered--"And the amount of power you use up in +'willing' perfectly trifling and ephemeral things, could almost lift a +planet! But let us take simple actions--such as raising a hand. You +think this movement instinctive or mechanical--but it is only because +you WILL to raise it that you can do it. If you willed NOT to raise it, +it could not raise itself OF itself. This tremendous force,--this +divine gift of will-power, is hardly exercised at all by the majority +of men and women--hence their manner of drifting here and there--their +pliable yielding to this or that opinion--the easy sway obtained over +the million by a few leaders and reformers--the infectious follies +which possess whole communities at a time--the caprices of fashion--the +moods of society--all these are due to scattered will-power, which if +concentrated would indeed 'replenish the earth and subdue it.' But we +cannot teach the world, and therefore we must be content to teach and +train a few individuals only. And when you ask if it is possible always +to make the necessary effort of will, I answer yes,--of course it is +possible. The secret of it all is to resolve upon a firm attitude and +maintain it. If you encourage thoughts of fear, hesitation, disease, +trouble, decay, incompetency, failure and feebleness, you at once give +an impetus to the disintegrating forces within you to begin their +work--and you gradually become ill, timorous, and diseased in mind and +body. If, on the contrary, your thoughts are centred on health, +vitality, youth, joy, love and creativeness, you encourage all the +revivifying elements of your system to build up new nerve tissue and +fresh brain cells, as well as to make new blood. No scientist has ever +really discovered any logical cause why human beings should die--they +are apparently intended to live for an indefinite period. It is they +themselves who kill themselves,--even so-called 'accidents' are usually +the result of their own carelessness, recklessness or inattention to +warning circumstance. I am trying to put all this as simply as I can to +you,--there are hundreds of books which you might study, in which the +very manner of expression is so abstruse and involved that even the +most cultured intelligence can scarcely grasp it,--but what I have told +you is perfectly easy of comprehension,--the only difficulty lies in +its practical application. To-night, therefore, and for the remainder +of the time you are here, you will enter upon certain tests and trials +of your will-force--and the result of these will prove whether you are +strong enough to be successful in your quest of life and youth and +love. If you are capable of maintaining the true attitude,--if you can +find and keep the real centre-poise of the Divine Image within you, all +will be well. And remember, that if you once learn how to govern and +control the atomic forces within yourself, you will equally govern and +control all atomic forces which come within your atmosphere. This gives +you what would be called by the ignorant 'miraculous' power, though it +is no miracle. It is nothing more than the attitude of Spirit +controlling Matter. You will find yourself not only able to govern your +own forces but also to draw upon Nature for fresh supplies--the air, +the sunshine, the trees, the flowers, will give you all they have to +give on demand--and nothing shall be refused to you. 'Ask, and ye shall +receive--seek, and ye shall find--knock, and it shall be opened unto +you.' Naturally the law is, that what you receive you must give out +again in an ungrudging outflow of love and generosity and beneficence +and sympathy, not only towards mankind but to everything that +lives--for as you are told--'Give, and it shall be given unto you; good +measure, pressed down and shaken together and running over, shall men +give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal, it +shall be measured to you again.' These sayings of our greatest Master +are heard so often that they are considered by many people almost trite +and commonplace,--but they hold a truth from which we cannot escape. +Even such a little matter as a kind word is paid back to the one who +uttered it with a double interest of kindness, while a cruel or coarse +one carries its own punishment. Those who take without giving are +generally unsuccessful in their lives and aims--while those who give +without taking appear to be miraculously served by both fame and +fortune,--this being merely the enactment of the spiritual law." + +"I do not want fame or fortune,"--I said--"Love is enough for me!" + +Aselzion smiled. + +"Enough for you indeed! My child, it is enough for all! If you have +love, you have entered into the secret mind of God! Love inspires all +nobleness, all endurance, all courage,--and I think you have some of +its attributes, for you have been bold in your first independent +essay--and it is this very boldness that has brought me here to speak +to you to-night. You have, of your own accord, and without preparation, +passed what we students and mystics call 'the first circle of fire,' +and you are therefore ready for the rest of your trial. So I will now +take you back to your own room and leave you there, for you must face +your ordeal alone." + +My heart sank a little, but I said nothing, and watched him as he took +up the crystal globe, full of the darting lines and points of light +gleaming like imprisoned fire, and held it for a moment between his two +hands. Then he set it down again, and covered it as it had been covered +before. The next moment he had extinguished the lamp, and we stood +together in the pale brilliancy of the moonlight which now spread +itself in a broad path of silver across the sea. The tide was coming +in, and I heard the solemn sound of rising waves breaking rhythmically +upon the shore. In silence Aselzion took me by the hand and led me +through a low doorway out of the little hermitage into the open air, +where we stood within a few feet of the sea. The moonbeams bathed us in +a shower of pearly radiance, and I turned instinctively to look at my +companion. His face appeared transfigured into something of +supernatural beauty, and for one second the remembrance of how he had +said in the chapel that he carried the burden of seventy years upon him +flashed across me with a shock of surprise. Seventy years! He appeared +to be in the very prime and splendour of life, and the mere idea of age +as connected with him was absurd and incongruous. And while I gazed +upon him, wondering and fascinated, he lifted one hand as though in +solemn invocation to the stars that gleamed in their countless millions +overhead, and his voice, deep and musical, rang out softly yet clearly +on the silence:-- + +"O Supreme Guide of all the worlds created, accept this Soul which +seeks to be consecrated unto Thee! Help her to attain to all that shall +be for her wisdom and betterment, and make her one with that Nature +whereof she is born. Thou, silent and peaceful Night, invest her with +thy deep tranquillity!--thou, bright Moon, penetrate her spirit with +the shining in of holy dreams!--give her of thy strength and depth, O +Sea!--and may she draw from the treasures of the air all health, all +beauty, all life, all sweetness, so that her existence may be a joy to +the world, and her love a benediction! Amen!" + +My whole being thrilled with a sense of keen rapture as he thus prayed +for me,--I could have knelt to him in reverence but that I +instinctively knew he would not wish this act of homage. I felt that it +was best to keep silence, and I obeyed his guiding touch as, still +holding my hand, he led me into a vaulted stone passage and up a long +winding stair at the head of which he paused, and taking a key from his +girdle, unlocked a small door. + +"There is your room, my child,"--he said, with a grave kindliness which +moved me strangely--"Farewell! The future is with yourself alone." + +I clung to his hand for an instant. + +"Shall I not see you again?" I asked, with a little tremor in my voice. + +"Yes--you will see me again if you pass your ordeal successfully"--he +answered--"Not if you fail." + +"What will happen if I fail?" + +"Nothing but the most ordinary circumstance,"--he answered--"You will +leave this place in perfect safety and return to your home and your +usual avocations,--you will live as most women live, perhaps on a +slightly higher grade of thought and action--and in time you will come +to look upon your visit to the House of Aselzion as the merest wilful +escapade of folly! The world and its conventions will hold you--" + +"Never!" I exclaimed, passionately--"Aselzion, I will not fail!" + +He looked earnestly in my face--then laid his hands on my head in a +mute blessing, and signed to me to pass into my turret room. I obeyed. +He closed the door upon me instantly--I heard the key turn in the +lock--and then--just the faint echo of his retreating footsteps down +the winding stair. My room was illumined by a very faint light, the +source of which I knew not. Everything was as I had left it before I +had been summoned to the mysterious Chapel of the Cross and Star,--and +I looked about me, tranquillised by the peace and simplicity of my +surroundings. I did not feel disposed to sleep, and I resolved to write +down from memory all that Aselzion had told me while it was fresh in my +mind. The white veil I had been given still clung about me,--I now took +it off and carefully folded it ready for further use if needed. Sitting +down at the little table, I took out pen, ink and paper,--but somehow I +could not fix my attention on what I intended to do. The silence around +me was more intense than ever, and though my window was open I could +not even hear the murmur of the sea. I listened--hardly drawing +breath--there was not a sound. The extraordinary silence deepened--and +with it came a sense of cold; I seemed to be removed into a place +apart, where no human touch, no human voice could reach me,--and I felt +as I had never felt in all my life before, that I was indeed utterly +alone. + + + + +XVI + +SHADOW AND SOUND + + +The stillness deepened. It seemed to myself that I could hear the +quickened beating of every pulse in my body. A curious vague terror +began to possess me,--I fought against its insidious influence, and +bending my head down over the paper I had set out before me, I prepared +to write. After a few minutes I managed to gain some control over my +nerves, and started to put down clearly and in sequence the things +Aselzion had told me, though I knew there was little danger of my ever +forgetting them. And then--a sudden sensation came over me which forced +me to realise that something or someone was in the room, looking +steadfastly at me. + +With an effort, I raised my head, and saw nothing at first--then, by +degrees, I became aware that a Shadow, dark and impenetrable, stood +between me and the open window. At first it seemed simply a formless +mass of black vapour,--but very gradually it assumed the outline of a +Shape which did not seem human. I laid down my pen,--and, with my heart +thumping hammer-strokes of fear, looked at this strange Darkness +gathered as it were in one place and blocking out the silver gleam of +the moon. As I looked, all the light in my room was suddenly +extinguished. A cry rose involuntarily to my lips--and physical fright +began to gain the mastery over me. For with the increasing gloom the +mysterious Shadow grew more and more defined--a blackness standing out +as it were against another blackness,--the pale glint of the moonbeams +only illumining it faintly as a cloud may be edged with a suggestion of +light. It was not motionless,--it stirred now and then as though about +to lift itself to some supernatural stature and bend above me or swoop +down upon me like an embodied storm,--and as I still gazed upon it +fearingly, every nerve strained to an almost unsupportable tension, I +could have sworn that two eyes, large and luminous, were fixed with a +searching, pitiless intensity on mine. It is impossible to describe +what I felt,--a sense of sick, swooning horror overcame me,--my head +swam giddily, and I could not now utter a sound. + +Trembling violently, I rose to my feet in a kind of mechanical impulse, +determined to turn away from the dreadful contemplation of this +formless Phantom, when suddenly, as if by a lightning flash of +conviction, the thought came to me that it was not by coward avoidance +that I could expect to overcome either my own fears or the nameless +danger which apparently threatened me. I closed my eyes and retreated, +as it were, within myself to find that centre-poise of my own spirit +which I knew must remain an invincible force despite all attack, being +in itself immortal,--and I mentally barricaded my soul with thoughts of +armed resistance. Then, opening my eyes again, I saw that the Shadow +loomed blacker and vaster--while the luminance around it was more +defined, and was not the radiance of the moon, but some other light +that was ghostly and terrifying. But I had now regained a little +courage,--and slight as it was I held to it as my last hope, and +gradually steadied myself upon it like a drowning creature clinging to +a plank for rescue. Presently I found myself able to ask questions of +my inner consciousness. What, after all, could this Phantom--if Phantom +it were--do to work me harm? Could it kill me with sheer terror? Surely +in that case the terror would be my own fault, for why should I be +afraid? The thing called Death being no more than a Living Change did +it matter so much when or how the change was effected? + +"Who is responsible,"--I said to myself--"for the sense of fear? Who is +it that so mistrusts the Divine order of the Universe as to doubt the +ultimate intention of goodness in things which appear evil? Is it not I +alone who am the instigator of my own dread?--and can this dark, dumb +Spectre do more to me than is ordained for my blessing in the end?" + +With these thoughts I grew bold--my nervous trembling ceased. I now +chose deliberately to consider, and WILLED to determine, that this +mysterious Shadow, darker still as it grew, was something of a friend +in disguise. I lifted my head half defiantly, half hopefully in the +gloom, and the strange fact that the only light I saw came from the +weirdly gleaming edge of radiance round the Phantom itself did not +frighten me from the attitude I had resolved upon. The more I settled +myself into that attitude the firmer it became--and the stronger grew +my courage. I gently moved aside the table on which I had been writing, +and stood up. Once on my feet I felt still bolder and surer of myself, +and though the Shadow opposite to me looked darker and more threatening +than before, I began to move steadily towards it. I made an effort to +speak to it, and at last found my voice. + +"Whatever you are," I said aloud, "you cannot exist at all without +God's will! God ordains nothing that is not for good, therefore you +cannot be here with any evil purpose! If I am afraid of you, my fear is +my own weakness. I will not look at you as a thing that can or would do +me harm, and therefore I am coming to you to find out your meaning! You +shall prove to me what you are made of, to the very depth and heart of +your darkness!--you shall unveil to me all that you hide behind your +terrifying aspect,--because I KNOW that whatever your intention towards +me may be, you cannot hurt my Soul!" + +As I spoke I drew nearer and nearer--and the luminous edge round the +Phantom grew lighter and lighter, till--suddenly a flash of brilliant +colour like a rainbow glittered full on my eyes so sharply that I fell +back, half blinded by its splendour. Then--as I looked--I dropped to my +knees in speechless awe--for the Shadow had changed to a dazzling Shape +of winged radiance,--a figure and face so glorious that I could only +gaze and gaze, with all my soul entranced in wonder! I heard delicious +music around me, but I could not listen--all my soul was in my eyes. +The Vision grew in stature and in splendour, and I stretched out my +hands to it in prayerful appeal, conscious that I was in the shining +Presence of some inhabitant of higher and more heavenly spheres than +ours. The beautiful head, crowned with a diadem of flowers like white +stars, bent towards me--the luminous eyes smiled into mine, and a voice +sweeter than all sweet singing spoke to me in accents of thrilling +tenderness. + +"Thou hast done well!" it said--"Even so always approach Darkness +without fear! Then shalt thou find the Light! Meet Sorrow with a +trusting heart--so shalt thou discover an angel in disguise! God thinks +no evil of thee--desires no wrong towards thee--has no punishment in +store for thee--give Thyself into His Hand, and be at peace!" + +Slowly,--like the colours of the sunset melting away into the grey of +twilight, the Vision faded,--and when I recovered from the dazzled +bewilderment into which I had been thrown, I found myself again in +complete solitude and darkness--darkness unrelieved save by the dim +light of the setting moon. I was for a long time unable to think of +anything but the strange experience through which I had just +passed--and I wondered what would have happened if instead of boldly +advancing and confronting the dark Phantom which had so terrified me I +had striven to escape from it? I believed, and I think I was right in +my belief, that I should have found every door open, and every facility +offered for a cowardly retreat had I chosen to make it. And +then--everything would have been at an end!--I should have probably had +to leave the House of Aselzion--and perhaps I too should have been +marked with a black cross as a failure! Inwardly I rejoiced that so far +I had not given way, and presently yielding to a drowsiness that began +to steal over me, I undressed and went to bed, perfectly tranquil in +mind and happy. + +I must have slept several hours when I was awakened suddenly by the +sound of voices conversing quite close to me--in fact, they seemed to +be on the other side of the wall against which my bed was placed. They +were men's voices, and one or two were curiously harsh and irritable in +tone. There was plenty of light in my room--for the night had passed, +and as far as I could tell it seemed to be early morning. The voices +went on, and I found myself compelled to listen. + +"Aselzion is the cleverest humbug of his time,"--said one--"He is never +so happy as when he can play the little god and dupe his worshippers!" + +A laugh followed this sentence. + +"He's a marvel in his way,"--said another--"He must be a kind of +descendant of some ancient Egyptian conjurer who had the trick of +playing with fire. There is nothing in the line of so-called miracle he +cannot do,--and of course those who are ignorant of his methods, and +who are credulous themselves--" + +"Like the woman here,"--interposed the first voice. + +"Yes--like the woman here--little fool!"--and there was more +laughter--"Fancying herself in love with Rafel Santoris!" + +I sat up in bed, straining my ears now for every word. My cheeks were +burning--my heart beating--I hardly knew what to think. There was a +silence for two or three minutes--minutes that seemed like ages in my +longing to hear more. + +"Santoris always managed to amuse himself!"--said a thin, sharp voice +with a mocking ring in its tone--"There was always some woman or other +in love with him. Some woman he could take in easily, of course!" + +"Not difficult to find!"--rejoined the first voice that had spoken, +"Most women are blind where their affections are concerned." + +"Or their vanity!" + +Another silence. I rose from my bed, shivering with a sense of sudden +cold, and threw on my dressing-gown. Going to the window, I looked out +on the fair expanse of the calm sea, silver-grey in the early dawn. How +still and peaceful it looked!--what a contrast to the storm of doubt +and terror that was beginning to rage within my own heart! Hush! The +voices began again. + +"Well, it's all over now, and his theory of perpetuating life at +pleasure has come to an untimely end. Where did the yacht go down?" + +"Off Armadale, in Skye." + +For a moment I could not realise what had been said and tried to repeat +both question and answer--'Where did the yacht go down?' 'Off Armadale, +in Skye.' + +What did it mean?--The yacht? Gone down? What yacht? They were talking +of Santoris--of Rafel, my beloved!--MY lover, lost through ages of time +and space, and found again only to be once more separated from me +through my own fault--my own fault!--that was the horror of it--a +horror I could not contemplate without an almost maddening anguish. I +ran to the wall through which I had heard the voices talking and +pressed my ear against it, murmuring to myself--"Oh no!--it is not +possible!--not possible! God would not be so cruel!" For many minutes I +heard nothing--and I was rapidly losing patience and self-control, when +at last I heard the conversation resumed,--"He should never have risked +his life in such a vessel"--said one of the voices in a somewhat +gentler tone--"It was a wonderfully clever contrivance, but the danger +of all that electricity was obvious. In a storm it would have no +chance." + +"That has been thoroughly proved,"--answered another voice--"Just half +a gale of wind with a dash of thunder and lightning, and down it went, +with every soul on board." + +"Santoris might have saved himself. He was a fine swimmer." + +"Was he?" + +Another silence. I thought my head would have burst with its aching +agony of suspense,--my eyes were burning like hot coals with a weight +of unshed tears. I felt that I could have battered down the wall +between me and those torturing voices in my feverish desire to know the +worst--the worst at all costs! If Rafel were dead--but no!--he could +not die! He could not actually perish--but he could be parted from me +as he had been parted before--and I--I should be alone again--alone as +I had been all my life! And in my foolish pride I had voluntarily +severed myself from him!--was this my punishment? More talking began, +and I listened, like a criminal listening to a cruel sentence. + +"Aselzion will tell her, of course. Rather a difficult business!--as he +will have to admit that his teachings are not infallible. And on the +whole there was something very taking about Santoris--I'm sorry he's +gone. But he would only have fooled the woman had he lived." + +"Oh! That, naturally! But that hardly matters. She would only have had +herself to blame for falling into the trap." + +I drew myself away from the wall, trembling and sick with dread. +Mechanically I dressed myself, and stared out at the gold of the sun +which was now pouring its radiance full on the sea. The beauty of the +scene moved me not at all--nothing mattered. All that my consciousness +could take in was that, according to what I had heard, Rafel was +dead,--drowned in the sea over which his fairy vessel the 'Dream' had +sailed so lightly--and that all he had said of our knowledge of each +other in former lives, and of the love which had drawn us together, was +mere 'fooling'! I leaned out of the window, and my eyes rested on the +little crimson rose that still blossomed against the wall in fragrant +confidence. And then I spoke aloud, hardly conscious of my own words-- + +"It is wicked"--I said--"wicked of God to allow us to imagine beautiful +things that have no existence! It is cruel to ordain us to love, if +love must end in disappointment and treachery! It would be better to +teach us at once that life is intended to be hard and plain and without +tenderness or truth, than to lead our souls into a fool's paradise!" + +Then--all at once--I remembered the dark Phantom of the night and its +transformation into the Vision of an Angel. I had struggled against the +terror of its first spectral appearance, and had conquered my +fears,--why was I now shaken from my self-control? What was the cause? +Voices, merely! Voices behind a wall that spoke of death and +falsehood,--voices belonging to persons I did not know and could not +see--like the voices of the world which delight in uttering scandals +and cruelties and which never praise so much as they condemn. Voices +merely! Ah!--but they spoke of the death of him whom I loved!--must I +not listen? They spoke of his treachery and 'fooling.' Should I not +hear? + +And yet--who were those persons, if persons they were, who talked of +him with such easy callousness? I had met no one in the House of +Aselzion save Aselzion himself and his servant or secretary +Honorius,--who then could there be except those two to know the reasons +that had brought me hither? I began to question myself and to doubt the +accuracy of the terrible news I had inadvertently overheard. If any +evil had chanced to Rafel Santoris, would Aselzion have told me he was +'safe and well' when he had conjured up for my comfort the picture of +the 'Dream' yacht on the moonlit sea only a few hours ago? Yet with my +bravest effort I could not recover myself sufficiently to be quite at +peace,--and in my restless condition of mind I looked towards the +turret door opening to the stairway which led to the little garden +below and the seashore--but it was fast shut, and I remembered Aselzion +had locked it. But, to my complete surprise, another door stood +open,--a door that had seemed part of the wall--and a small room was +disclosed beyond it,--a kind of little shrine, hung with pale purple +silk, and looking as though it were intended to hold something +infinitely precious. I entered it hesitatingly, not sure whether I was +doing right or wrong, and yet impelled by something more than +curiosity. As I stepped across the threshold I heard the voices behind +the wall again--they sounded louder and more threatening, and I +paused,--half afraid, yet longing to know all that might yet be said, +though such knowledge might mean nothing but misery and despair to me. + +"All women are fools!"--and this trite observation was made by someone +speaking in harsh and bitter accents--"It is not love that really moves +them so much as the self-satisfaction of BEING LOVED. No woman could be +faithful for long to a dead man--she would lack the expected response +to her superabundant sentimentality, and she would tire of waiting to +meet him in Paradise--if she believed in such a possibility, which in +nine cases out of ten she would not." + +"With Aselzion there are no dead men"--said another of the unseen +speakers--"They have merely passed into another living state. And +according to his theories, lovers cannot be separated, even by what is +called death, for long." + +"Poor comfort!" and with the words I heard a laugh of scornful +mockery--"The women who have loved Rafel Santoris would hardly thank +you for it!" + +I shuddered a little, as with cold. 'The women who have loved Rafel +Santoris!' This phrase seemed to darken the very recollection of the +handsome face and form of the man I had, almost unconsciously to +myself, begun to idealise--something coarse and common suggested itself +in association with him, and my heart sank within me, deprived of hope. +Voices, merely!--yet how they tortured me! If I could only know the +truth, I thought!--if Aselzion would only come and tell me the worst at +once! In a kind of stupor of unnameable grief I stood in the little +purple-hung shrine so suddenly opened to me, and began to dreamily +consider the unkindness and harshness of those voices!--Ah! so like the +voices of the world! Voices that sneer and mock and condemn!--voices +that would rather utter a falsehood than any word that should help and +comfort--voices that take a cruel pleasure in saying just the one thing +that will wound and crush an aspiring spirit!--voices that cannot tune +themselves to speak of love without grudging bitterness and +scorn--voices--ah God!--if only all the harsh and calumniating voices +of humanity were stilled, what a heaven this earth would be! + +And yet--why should we listen to them? What have they really to do with +us? Is the Soul to be moved from its centre by casual opinion? What is +it to me that this person or that person approves or disapproves my +actions? Why should I be disturbed by rumours, or frightened by ill +report? + +Absorbed in these thoughts, I hardly realised the almost religious +peace of my surroundings,--and it was only when the voices ceased for a +few minutes that I saw what was contained in this small room I had half +unwittingly entered,--an exquisite little table, apparently made of +crystal which shone like a diamond--and on the table, an open book. A +chair was placed in position for the evident purpose of reading--and as +I approached, at first indifferently and then with awakening interest, +I saw that the open book showed an inscription on its fly-leaf--"To a +faithful student.--From Aselzion." Was _I_ 'a faithful student'? I +asked myself the question doubtingly. There was no 'faithfulness' in +fears and depressions! Here was I, shaken in part from self-control +from the mere hearing of voices behind a wall! I, who had said that +"God ordains nothing that is not for good"--was suddenly ready to +believe that He had ordained the death of the lover to whom His laws +had guided me! I, to whom had been vouchsafed the beatific vision of an +Angel--an Angel who had said--"God thinks no evil of thee--desires no +wrong towards thee--has no punishment in store for thee--give thyself +into His Hand, and be at peace!" was already flinching and turning away +from the Faith that should keep me strong! A sense of shame stole over +me--and almost timidly I approached the table on which the open book +lay, and sat down in the chair so invitingly placed. I had scarcely +done this when the voices began again, in rather louder and angrier +tones. + +"She imagines she can learn the secret of life! A woman, too! The +brazen arrogance of such an attempt!" + +"No, no! It is not the secret of life she wants to discover so much as +the secret of perpetual youth! That, to a woman, is everything! To be +always young and always fair! What feminine thing would not 'adventure +for such merchandise'!" + +A loud laugh followed this observation. + +"Santoris was well on his way to the goal"--said a voice that was suave +and calm of accent--"Certainly no one would have guessed his real age." + +"He had all the ardour and passion of youth"--said another voice--"The +fire of love ran as warmly in his veins as though he were a Romeo! None +of the coldness and reluctance of age affected him where the fair sex +was concerned!" + +More laughter followed. I sat rigidly in the chair by the crystal +table, listening to every word. + +"The woman here is the latest victim of his hypnotic suggestions, isn't +she?" + +"Yes. One may say his LAST victim--he will victimise no more." + +"I suppose if Aselzion told her the truth she would go at once?" + +"Of course! Why should she remain? It is only a dream of love that has +brought her here--when she knows the dream is over, there will be +nothing left." + +True! Nothing left! The whole world a desert, and Heaven itself without +hope! I pressed my hands to my eyes to try and cool their burning +ache--was it possible that what these voices said could be true? They +had ceased speaking, and there was a blessed silence. As a kind of +desperate resource, I took out the letter Rafel Santoris had written to +me, and read its every word with an eager passion of +yearning--especially the one passage that ran thus--"We--you and I--who +know that Life, being ALL Life, CANNOT die,--ought to be wiser in our +present space of time than to doubt each other's infinite capability +for love and the perfect world of beauty which love creates." + +'Wiser than to doubt'! Ah, I was not wise enough! I was full of doubts +and imagined evils--and why? Because of voices behind a wall! Surely a +foolish cause for sorrow! I tried to extricate my mind from the +darkness of despondency into which it had fallen, and to distract my +attention from my own unhappy thoughts I glanced at the book which lay +open before me. As I looked, its title, printed in letters of gold, +flashed on my eyes like a gleam of the sun--'The Secret of Life.' A +sudden keen expectancy stirred in me--I folded Rafel's letter and +slipped it back into its resting-place near my heart--then I drew my +chair close up to the table, and bending over the book began to read. +All was now perfectly still around me--the voices had ceased. Gradually +I became aware that what I was reading was intended for my instruction, +and that the book itself was a gift to me from Aselzion if I proved a +'faithful student.' A thrill of hope and gratitude began to relieve the +cold weight upon my heart,--and I suddenly resolved that I would not +listen to any more voices, even if they spoke again. + +"Rafel Santoris is not dead!"--I said aloud and resolutely--"He could +not so sever himself from me now! He is not treacherous--he is true! He +is not 'fooling' me--he is relying upon me to believe in him. And I +WILL believe in him!--my love and faith shall not be shaken by mere +rumour! I will give him no cause to think me weak or cowardly,--I will +trust him to the end!" + +And with these words spoken to the air, I went on reading quietly in a +stillness made suddenly fragrant with the scent of unseen flowers. + + + + +XVII + +THE MAGIC BOOK + + +It is not possible here to transcribe more than a few extracts from the +book on which my attention now became completely riveted. The passages +selected are chosen simply because they may by chance be useful to +those few--those very few--who desire to make of their lives something +more than a mere buy and sell business, and also because they can +hardly be called difficult to understand. When Paracelsus wrote 'The +Secret of Long Life' he did so in a fashion sufficiently abstruse and +complex to scare away all but the most diligent and persevering of +students, this no doubt being his intention. But the instructions given +in the volume placed, as I imagined, for my perusal, were simple and in +accordance with many of the facts discovered by modern science, and as +I read on and on I began to see light through the darkness, and to gain +a perception of the way in which I might become an adept in what the +world deems 'miracle,' but which after all is nothing but the +scientific application of common sense. To begin with, I will quote the +following,--headed + +LIFE AND ITS ADJUSTMENT + +"Life is the Divine impetus of Love. The Force behind the Universe is +Love--and from that Love is bred Desire and Creation. Even as the human +lover passionately craves possession of his beloved, so that from their +mutual tenderness the children of Love are born, the Divine Spirit, +immortally creative and desirous of perfect beauty, possesses space +with eternal energy, producing millions of solar systems, each one of +which has a different organisation and a separate individuality. Man, +the creature of our small planet, the Earth, is but a single result of +the resistless output of Divine fecundity,--nevertheless Man is the +'image of God' in that he is endowed with reason, will and intelligence +beyond that of the purely animal creation, and that he is given an +immortal Soul, formed for love and for the eternal things which love +creates. He can himself be Divine, in the Desire and Perpetuation of +Life. Considered in a strictly material sense, he is simply an embodied +force composed of atoms held together in a certain organised form,--but +within this organised form is contained a spiritual Being capable of +guiding and controlling its earthly vehicle and adjusting it to +surroundings and circumstances. In his dual nature Man has the power of +holding his life-cells under his own command--he can renew them or +destroy them at pleasure. He generally elects to destroy them through +selfishness and obstinacy,--the two chief disintegrating elements of +his mortal composition. Hence the result which he calls 'death'--but +which is merely the necessary transposition of his existence (which he +has himself brought about) into a more useful phase. If he were to +learn once for all that he can prolong his life on this earth in youth +and health for an indefinite period, in which days and years are not +counted, but only psychic 'episodes' or seasons, he could pass from one +joy to another, from one triumph to another, as easily as breathing the +air. It is judged good for a man's body that he should stand upright, +and that he should move his limbs with grace and ease, performing +physical exercises for the improvement and strengthening of his +muscles,--and he is not considered a fool for any feats of physical +valour or ability which he may accomplish. Why then should he not train +his Soul to stand as upright as his body, so that it may take full +possession of all the powers which natural and spiritual energy can +provide? + +"Reader and Student!--you for whom these words are written, learn and +remember that the secret strength and renewal of life is +Adjustment--the adjustment of the atoms whereof the body is composed to +the commands of the Soul. Be the god of your own universe! Control your +own solar system that it may warm and revivify you with an ever +recurring spring! Make Love the summer of your life, and let it create +within you the passion of noble desire, the fervour of joy, the fire of +idealism and faith! Know yourself as part of the Divine Spirit of all +things, and be divine in your own creative existence. The whole +Universe is open to the searchings of your Soul if Love be the torch to +light your way!" + +Having read thus far, I paused--the little room in which I sat appeared +darker--or was it my fancy? I listened for the voices which had so +confused and worried me--but there was no sound. I turned the pages of +the book before me, and found the following: + +THE ACTION OF THOUGHT + +"Thought is an actual motive Force, more powerful than any other motive +force in the world. It is not the mere pulsation in a particular set of +brain cells, destined to pass away into nothingness when the pulsation +has ceased. Thought is the voice of the Soul. Just as the human voice +is transmitted through distance on the telephone wires, so is the +Soul's voice carried through the radiant fibres connected with the +nerves to the brain. The brain receives it, but cannot keep it--for it +again is transmitted by its own electric power to other brains,--and +you can no more keep a thought to yourself than you can hold a monopoly +in the sunshine. Everywhere in all worlds, throughout the whole cosmos, +Souls are speaking through the material medium of the brain,--souls +that may not inhabit this world at all, but that may be as far away +from us as the last star visible to the strongest telescope. The +harmonies that suggest themselves to the musician here to-day may have +fallen from Sirius or Jupiter, striking on his earthly brain with a +spiritual sweetness from worlds unknown,--the poet writes what he +scarcely realises, obeying the inspiration of his dreams,-and we are +all, at our best, but mediums for conveying thought, first receiving it +from other spheres to ourselves, and then transmitting it from +ourselves to others. Shakespeare, the chief poet and prophet of the +world, has written: 'There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it +so,'--thus giving out a profound truth,--one of the most profound +truths of the Psychic Creed. For what we THINK, we are; and our +thoughts resolve themselves into our actions. + +"In the renewal of life and the preservation of youth, Thought is the +chief factor. If we THINK we are old--we age rapidly. If, on the +contrary, we THINK we are young, we preserve our vitality indefinitely. +The action of thought influences the living particles of which our +bodies are composed, so that we positively age them or rejuvenate them +by the attitude we assume. The thinking attitude of the human Soul +should be one of gratitude, love and joy. There is no room in Spiritual +Nature for fear, depression, sickness or death. God intends His +creation to be happy, and by bringing the Soul and Body both into tune +with happiness we obey His laws and fulfil His desire. Therefore, to +live long, encourage thoughts of happiness! Avoid all persons who talk +of disease, misery and decay--for these things are the crimes of man, +and are offences against God's primal design of beauty. Drink in deep +draughts of sunshine and fresh air,--inhale the perfume of flowers and +trees,--keep far away from cities and from crowds--seek no wealth that +is not earned by hand or brain--and above all things remember that the +Children of Light may walk in the Light without fear of darkness!" + +Something in this latter sentence made me stop, and look again around +me--and again I felt sure that the room was growing darker, and not +only darker but smaller. The purple silk hangings which draped the +walls were almost within my touch, and I knew they had not been so +close to me when I first sat down to read. A nervous tremor ran through +me, but I resolved I would not be the dupe of my own fancy, and I set +myself once more resolutely to the study of the volume before me. The +next paragraph which attracted me was headed + +ON THE COMMAND OF LIFE'S FORCES + +and began thus: + +"To live long you must have perfect control of the forces that engender +life. The atoms of which your body is composed are in perpetual +movement,--your Spiritual Self must guide them in the way they should +go, otherwise they resemble an army without organisation or equipment, +easily put to rout by a first assault. If you have them under your +spiritual orders you are practically immune from all disease. Disease +can never enter your system save through some unguarded corner. You may +meet with accident--through the fault of others or through your own +wilfulness,--if through your own wilfulness, you have only yourself to +blame--if through the fault of others, you may know that it was a +destined and pre-ordained removal of yourself from a sphere for which +you are judged to be unfitted. Barring such accident, your life need +know no end, even on this earth. Your Spirit, called the Soul, is a +Creature of Light--and it can supply revivifying rays to every atom and +cell in your body without stint or cessation. It is an exhaustless +supply of 'radium' from which the forces of your life may draw +perpetual sustenance. Man uses every exterior means of +self-preservation, but forgets the interior power he possesses, which +was bestowed upon him that he might 'replenish the earth and subdue +it.' To 'replenish' the earth is to give out love ungrudgingly to all +Nature,--to 'subdue' the earth, is first, to master the atoms of which +the human organisation is composed, and hold them completely under +control, so that by means of this mastery, all other atomic movements +and forces upon this planet and its encircling atmosphere may be +equally controlled. Much is talked of the 'light rays' which pierce +solid matter as though it were nothing but clear air--yet this +discovery is but the beginning of wonders. There are rays which divine +metals, even as the hazel wand divines the presence of water,--and the +treasures of the earth, the gold, the silver, the jewels and precious +things that are hidden beneath its surface and in the depth of the sea +can be seen in their darkest recesses by the penetrating flash of a Ray +as yet unknown to any but adepts in the Psychic Creed. No true adept is +ever poor,--poverty cannot exist where perfect control of the life +forces is maintained. Gladness, peace and plenty must naturally attend +the Soul that is in tune with Nature and life is always perpetuated +from the joy of life. + +"Stand, therefore, O patient Student, erect and firm!--let the +radiating force of the Soul possess every nerve and blood-vessel of the +body, and learn to command all things pertaining to good with that +strength which compels obedience! Not idly did the Supreme Master speak +when He told His disciples that if their faith were but as a grain of +mustard seed they could command a mountain to be cast into the sea, and +it would obey. Remember that the Spirit within your bodily house of +clay is Divine, and of God!--and that with God all things are possible!" + +I raised my head from its bent position over the book, and drew a long +breath--something oppressed me with a sense of suffocation, and looking +up I saw that I was being steadily closed in, as by a contracting cage. +The little room, draped with its soft purple hangings, was now too +small for me to move about, I was pinned to my chair, and the ceiling +was apparently descending upon me. With a shock of horrified memory I +recalled the old torture of the 'living tomb' practised by the Spanish +Inquisition, when the wretched victim was compelled to watch the walls +of his prison slowly narrowing round him inch by inch till he was +crushed to death. How could I be sure that no such cruelties were used +among the mysterious members of a mysterious Brotherhood, whose avowed +object of study was the searching out of the secret of life? I made an +effort to rise, and found I could stand upright--and there straight +opposite to me was the entrance to my own room from which I had +wandered into this small inner chamber. It seemed easy enough to get +there, and yet--I found myself hindered by an invisible barrier. I +stood, with my heart beating nervously--wondering what was my +threatening danger. Almost involuntarily my eyes still perused the +printed page of the book before me, and I read the following sentences +in a kind of waking dream:-- + +"To the Soul that will not study the needs of its immortal nature, life +itself becomes a narrow cell. All God's creation waits upon it to +supply what it shall demand,--yet it starves in the midst of plenty. +Fear, suspicion, distrust, anger, envy and callousness paralyse its +being and destroy its action,--love, courage, patience, sweetness, +generosity and sympathy are actual life-forces to it and to the body it +inhabits. All the influences of the social world work AGAINST it--all +the influences of the natural world work WITH it. There is nothing of +pure Nature that will not obey its behest, and this should be enough +for its happy existence. Sorrow and despair result from the misguidance +of the Will--there is no other cause in earth or heaven for any pain or +trouble." + +Misguidance of the Will! I spoke the words aloud--then went on reading-- + +"What is Heaven? A state of perfect happiness. What is Happiness? The +immortal union of two Souls in one, creatures of God's eternal light, +partaking each other's thoughts, bestowing upon each other the renewal +of joy, and creating loveliness in form and action by their mutual +sympathy and tenderness. Age cannot touch them--death has no meaning +for them,--life is their air and space and movement--life palpitates +through them and warms them with colour and glory as the sunshine warms +and reddens the petals of the rose--they grow beyond mortality and are +immune from all disaster--they are a world in themselves, involuntarily +creating other worlds as they pass from one phase to another of +production and fruition. For there is no good work accomplished without +love,--no great triumph achieved without love,--no fame, no victory +gained without love! The lovers of God are the beloved of God!--their +passion is divine, knowing no weariness, no satiety, no end! For God is +the Supreme Lover and there is nothing higher than Love!" + +Here, on a sudden impulse, I took up the book, closed it and held it +clasped in my two hands. As I did this, a great darkness overwhelmed +me--a sound like thunder crashed on my ears, and I felt the whole room +reeling into chaos. The floor sank, and I sank with it, down to a great +depth so swiftly that I had no time to think what had happened till the +sensation of falling stopped abruptly, and I found myself in a narrow +green lane, completely shadowed by the wide boughs of over-arching +trees. Hardly could I realise my surroundings when I saw Rafel!--Rafel +Santoris himself walking towards me--but--not alone! The eager impulse +to run to him was checked--I stood quiet, and cold to the heart. A +woman was with him--a woman young and very beautiful--his arm was round +her, and his eyes looked with unwearied tenderness at her face. I heard +his voice--caressing, and infinitely gentle. + +"Beloved!" he said--"I call you by this name as I have always called +you through many cycles of time! Is it not strange that even the eager +spirit, craving for its preordained mate, is subject to error? I +thought I had found her whom I should love a little while before I met +you--but this was a momentary blindness!--YOU are the one I have sought +for many centuries!--YOU are the one and only beloved!--promise never +to leave me again!" She answered--and I heard her murmur, soft as a +sigh--"I promise!" Still walking together like lovers, they came on--I +knew they must pass me,--and I stood in their way that Rafel Santoris +at least might see me--might know that I had adventured into the House +of Aselzion for his sake, and that so far I had not failed! If he were +false, then surely the failure would be his! With a sickening heart I +watched him approach,--his blue eyes rested on me carelessly with a +cold smile--his fair companion glanced at me as at a stranger--and they +moved on and passed out of sight. I could not have spoken, had I +tried--I was stricken dumb and feeble. This was the end, then? I had +made my journey to no purpose,--he had already found another 'subject' +for his influence! + +Stunned and bewildered with the confusion of thought in my brain, I +tried to walk a few paces, and found the ground soft as velvet, while a +cool breeze blowing through the trees refreshed my aching forehead and +eyes. I still held the book--'The Secret of Life'--and in a dull, +aimless way thought how useless it was! What does Life matter if Love +be untrue? The sun was shining somewhere above me, for I saw glinting +reflections of it through the close boughs, and there were birds +singing. But both beauty of sight and beauty of sound were lost to +me--I had no real consciousness left save that the lover who professed +to love me with an eternal love loved me no more! So the world was +desolate, and heaven itself a blank!--death, and death alone seemed +dear and desirable! I walked slowly and with difficulty--my limbs were +languid, and I had lost all courage. If I could have found my way to +Aselzion I would have told him--"This is enough! No more do I need the +secret of youth or life, since love has left me." + +Presently I began to think more coherently. A little while back I had +heard voices behind a wall saying that Rafel Santoris was +dead,--drowned in his own yacht 'off Armadale, in Skye.' If that was +true how came he here? I questioned myself in vain,--till presently I +gathered up sufficient force to remember that love--REAL love--knows no +change. Did I believe in my lover's love, or did I doubt it? That was a +point for my own consideration! But, had I not the testimony of my own +eyes? Was I not myselt the witness of his altered mind? + +Here, seeing a rustic seat under one of the shadiest trees, I sat down, +and my mind gradually steadied itself. Why, I inwardly asked, had I +been so suddenly and forcibly brought into this place for no apparent +reason save to look upon Rafel Santoris in the company of another woman +whom it seemed that he now preferred to me? Ought that to make any +difference in my love for him? "In love, if love be love, if love be +ours, Faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers, Unfaith in aught is +want of faith in all." If the happiness of the one I loved was obtained +through other means than mine, ought I to grudge it? And yet!--my heart +was full of a sick heaviness,--it seemed to me that I had lately been +the possessor of an inestimable joy which had been ruthlessly snatched +from me. Still meditating in solitary sadness, I sat in the soft gloom +wondering at the strange chance that had brought me into such a place, +and, curiously enough, never thinking that the whole adventure might be +the result of a pre-ordained design. + +Presently, hearing slow footsteps approaching, I looked up and saw an +aged man walking towards me, accompanied by a woman of gentle and +matronly appearance who supported him on her arm. The looks of both +these personages were kindly, and inspired confidence at a glance,--and +I watched them coming with a kind of hope that perhaps they might +explain my present dilemma. I was particularly attracted by the +venerable and benevolent aspect of the man--and as he drew near, seeing +that he evidently intended to speak to me, I rose from my seat, and +made a step or two forward to meet him. He inclined his head +courteously, and smiled upon me with a grave and compassionate air. + +"I am very glad,"--he said, in a friendly tone--"that we have not come +too late. We feared--did we not?" here he looked to his companion for +confirmation of his words--"that you might have been hopelessly +ensnared and victimised before we could come to the rescue." + +"Alas, yes!" said the woman, in accents of deep pity; "And that would +have been terrible indeed!" + +I stared at them both, utterly bewildered. They spoke of +rescue,--rescue from what? 'Hopelessly ensnared and victimised.' What +did they mean? Since I had seen Rafel Santoris with another woman he +called 'beloved'--I had felt almost incapable of speech--but now I +found my voice suddenly. + +"I do not understand you"--I said, as clearly and firmly as I could--"I +am here by my own desire, and I am not being ensnared or victimised. +Why should I need rescue?" + +The old man shook his head compassionately. + +"Poor child!" he said--"Are you not a prisoner in the House of +Aselzion?" + +"With my own consent,"--I answered. + +He lifted his hands in a kind of appealing astonishment, and the woman +smiled sadly. + +"Not so!"--she told me--"You are under a very serious delusion. You are +here by the wicked will of Rafel Santoris--a man who would sacrifice +any life remorselessly in the support of his own mad theories! You are +under his influence, you poor creature!--so easily trapped, too!--you +think you are following your own way and carrying out your own wishes, +but you are really the slave of Santoris and have been so ever since +you met him. You are a mere instrument on which he can play any tune." +And she turned to the old man beside her with an appealing gesture--"Is +it not so?" + +He bent his head in the affirmative. + +For a moment my brain was in a whirl. Could it be possible that what +they said was true? Their looks were sincere,--they could have no +object but kindness in warning me of intended mischief. I tried to +conceal the torturing anxiety that possessed me, and asked quietly-- +"If you have good reason to think all this, what would you advise me to +do? If I am in danger how shall I escape from it?" + +The woman looked curiously at me, and her eyes glittered with sudden +interest. Her venerable companion replied to my question-- + +"Escape is quite easy here and now. You have only to follow us and we +will take you out of this wood and escort you to a place of safety. +Then you can return to your own home and forget--" + +"Forget what?" I interrupted him. + +"All this foolishness"--he answered, with a gentle seriousness--"This +idea of eternal life and love which the artful conjurer Rafel Santoris +has instilled into your too sensitive and credulous imagination--these +fantastic beliefs in the immortality and individuality of the +soul,--and you will accept old age and death with the sane resignation +of ordinary mortals. Such love as he professes to believe in does not +exist,--such life can never be,--and the secret of his youth--" + +"Ah!" I exclaimed eagerly--"Tell me of that! And of Aselzion's splendid +prime when he should be old and feeble? Tell me of that also!" + +For the first time during this interview, my two companions looked +confused. I saw this, and I gained confidence from their evident +embarrassment. + +"Why," I pursued--"should you come to me with warnings against those +whom God or Destiny has brought into my life? You may perhaps say that +you yourselves have been sent by God--but does Deity contradict Itself? +I am not conscious of having suffered any evil through Rafel Santoris +or through Aselzion--I am pained and perplexed and tortured by what I +hear and see--but my hearing and sight are capable of being +deceived--why should I think of evil things which are not proved?" + +The woman surveyed me with sudden scorn. + +"So you will stay here, the dupe of your own sentiments and +dreams!"--she said, contemptuously--"You, a woman, will remain among a +community of men who are known impostors, and sacrifice your name and +reputation to a mere chimera!" + +Her look and manner had completely changed, and I was at once on my +guard. + +"My name and reputation are my own to protect,"--I answered, +coldly--"Whatever I do I shall be ready to answer for to anyone having +the right to ask." + +The old man now advanced and laid his hand on my arm. His eyes sparkled +angrily. + +"You must be saved from yourself"--he said, sharply, "You must come +with us whether you will or no! We have seen too many victims of +Aselzion's art already--we are resolved to save you from the peril +which threatens you." + +And he made an effort to draw me closer to him--but my spirit was up +and I held back with all my force. + +"No, I will not go with you!" I exclaimed, hotly--"God alone shall +remove me from harm if any harm is really meant towards me. I do not +believe one word you have said against Rafel Santoris or against +Aselzion--I love the one, and I trust the other!--let me go my own way +in peace!" + +Hardly had I spoken these words when both the old man and woman threw +themselves upon me and seizing me by force, endeavoured to drag me away +with them. I resisted with all my strength, still holding tightly the +book of the 'Secret of Life' in one hand. But their united efforts were +beginning to overpower me, and feeling myself growing weaker and weaker +I cried aloud in desperation: + +"Rafel! Rafel!" + +In an instant I stood free. My captors loosed their hold of me, and I +rushed away, not knowing whither--only running, running, running, +afraid of pursuit--till I suddenly found myself alone on the borders of +a dark stretch of water spreading away in cold blackness to an unseen +horizon. + + + + +XVIII + +DREAMS WITHIN A DREAM + + +I stopped abruptly, brought perforce to a standstill. There was nothing +but the black water heaving in front of me with a slow and dizzying +motion and faintly illumined by a dim, pearly light like that of a +waning moon. I looked behind me, fearing my persecutors were following, +and saw that a thick mist filled the air and space to the obliteration +of everything that might otherwise have been visible. I had thought it +was day, and that the sun was shining, but now it appeared to be night. +Utterly fatigued in body and mind, I sank down wearily on the ground, +close to the edge of the strange dark flood which I could scarcely see. +The quiet and deep obscurity had a lulling effect on my senses--and I +thought languidly how good it would be if I might be allowed to rest +where I was for an indefinite time. + +"I can understand"--I said to myself--"why many people long for death +and pray for it as a great blessing! They have lost love--and without +love, life is valueless. To live on and on through cycles of time in +worlds that are empty of all sweetness,--companionless and deprived of +hope and comfort--this would be hell!--not heaven!" + +"Hell--not heaven!" said a voice near me. + +I started and looked up--a shadowy figure stood beside me--that of a +woman in dark trailing garments, whose face shone with a pale beauty in +the dim light surrounding us both. + +"So you have found your way here at last!" she said, gently--"Here, +where all things end, and nothing begins!" + +I rose to my feet and confronted her. + +"Where all things end!" I repeated--"Surely where life exists there is +no end?" + +She gave me a fleeting smile. + +"Life is a dream,"--she said--"And the things of life are dreams within +the dream! There are no realities. You imagine truths which are +deceptions." + +I looked at her in wonder and bewilderment. She was beautiful--and the +calm sadness of her eyes expressed compassion and tenderness. + +"Then--is Creation a lie?" I asked. + +She made no immediate answer, but pointed with one hand towards the +dark water. I looked, and uttered a cry of ecstasy--there, shining in +the heaving blackness like a vision from fairyland, was the +'Dream'--glittering from stem to stern with light that sparkled like +millions of diamonds! + +"Your Dream of Love!" said the woman beside me--"Behold it for the last +time!" + +With straining eyes and beating heart I watched--and saw the shining +vessel begin to sink slowly into the deep watery blackness--down, down +still lower, till only her masts were visible--then something defiant +and forceful sprang up within me,--I would master this torture, I +thought--I would not yield to the agony that threatened to drive me to +utter despair. + +"This is a phantom of sorrow!"--I said--"It has no meaning! The love +that is in my heart is my own!--it is my life, my soul, my inmost +being!--it is eternal as God Himself, and to Him I commend it!" + +I spoke these words aloud, holding the book of the 'Secret of Life' +clasped to my breast--and raised my eyes trustfully to the dense +darkness which should have been the sky. Then I felt the woman's hand +on mine. Her touch was warm and gentle. + +"Come!" she said, softly. + +And I saw a small boat slip out on the gloomy water, guided towards me +by One whose face was hidden in a fold of black. My companion drew me +with her and signed to me to enter. Something in myself, as well as in +her looks, impelled me to obey, and as she stepped into the boat I +followed. We were borne along in silence for what seemed to me a long +time, till suddenly I began to hear strange sounds of wailing, and +shuddering cries of appeal, and our darkness was lightened by the +drifting to and fro of pale forms that were luminous and human in shape +though scarcely of human resemblance. + +"What are these?" I whispered. + +My companion took my hand and held it. + +"Listen!" she answered. + +And gradually, out of a clamour of weeping and complaint, I heard +voices which uttered distinct things. + +"I am the Phantom of Wealth"--said one--"For me men and nations have +rushed on destruction,--for me they have sacrificed happiness and +missed the way to God! For me innocence has been betrayed and honour +murdered. I am but a Shadow, but the world follows me as if I were +Light--I am but the gold dust of earth, and men take me for the glory +of Heaven!" + +"I am the Phantom of Fame"--said another--"I come with music and sweet +promises--I float before the eyes of man, seeming to him an Angel!--I +speak of triumph and power!--and for me brave hearts have broken, and +bright spirits have been doomed to despair! I am but a Shadow--but the +world believes me Substance--I am but a breath and a colour, but men +take me for a fixed Star!" + +"I am the Phantom of Pride!"--said a third voice--"For me humanity +scales the height of ambition--for my sake king's and queens occupy +uneasy thrones, and surround themselves with pomp and panoply--for me +men lie and cheat and wrong their neighbours--for me the homes that +should be happy are laid waste--for me false laws are made and evil +conquers good I am but a Shadow--and the world takes me for the Sun!--I +am but a passing flash of light, and men take me for the perfect Day!" + +Other voices joined in and echoed wildly around me--and I rose up in +the boat, loosing my hold from the clasp of the woman who was with me. + +"You are phantoms all!" I cried, half unconscious of my own words--"I +want God's angels! Where is Love?" + +The voices ceased--the strange flitting figures that wailed round me +faded away into mist, and disappeared--and a light, deep and golden and +wonderful, began to shine through the gloom. My companion spoke. + +"We have been looking at dreams,"--she said--"You ask for the only +Real!" + +I smiled. A sudden inrush of strength and authority possessed me. + +"You bade me look my last upon my dream of Love!" I said--"But you knew +that was impossible, for Love is no dream!" + +The golden radiance widened into a perfect splendour, and our boat now +glided over a shining sea. As in a vision I saw the figure that steered +and guided it, change from darkness to brightness--the black fold fell +from its face--Angel eyes looked at me--Angel lips smiled!--and then--I +found myself suddenly alone on the shore of a little bay, blue as a +sapphire in the reflection of the blue sky above it. The black stretch +of water which had seemed so dreary and impassable had disappeared, and +to my astonishment I recognised the very shore near the rock garden +which was immediately under my turret room. I looked everywhere for the +woman who had been in the boat with me--for the boat itself and its +guide--but there was no trace of them. Where and how far I had wandered +I could not imagine--but presently, regaining nerve and courage, I +began to fancy that perhaps my strange experience had been preordained +and planned as some test of my faith and fortitude. Had I failed? +Surely not! For I had not doubted the truth of God or the power of +Love! There was only one thing which puzzled me,--the memory of those +voices behind a wall--the voices which had spoken of Rafel's death and +treachery. I could not quite rid myself of the anxiety they had +awakened in my mind though I tried hard not to yield to the temptation +of fear and suspicion. I knew and felt that after all it is the voices +of the world which work most harm to love--and that neither poverty nor +sorrow can cut the threads of affection between lovers so swiftly as +falsehood and calumny. And yet I allowed myself to be moved by vague +uneasiness on this account, and could not entirely regain perfect +composure. + +The door of the winding stair leading to my room in the turret stood +open--and I availed myself of this tacit permission to return thither. +I found everything as I had left it, except that when I sought for the +mysterious little room hung with purple silk, where I had begun to read +the book called 'The Secret of Life,' a book which through all my +strange adventure I still had managed to keep with me, I could not find +it. The walls around me were solid; there was no sign of an opening +anywhere. + +I sat down by the window to think. There before my eyes was the sea, +calm, and in the full radiance of a brilliant sun. No mysterious or +magic art suggested itself in the visible scene of a smiling summer +day. Had I been long absent from this room, I wondered? I could not +tell. Time seemed to be annihilated. And so far as I myself was +concerned I desired nothing in this world or the next save just to know +if Rafel Santoris still lived--and--yes!--one other assurance--to feel +that I still possessed the treasure of his love. All the past, present +and future hung on this possibility,--there was nothing more to hope +for or to attain. For if I had lost Love, then God Himself could give +me no comfort, since the essential link with Divine things was broken. + +Gradually a great and soothing quietude stole over me and the cloud of +depression that had hung over my mind began to clear. I thought of my +recent experience with the man and woman who had sought to 'rescue' me, +as they said, and how when in sheer desperation I had called "Rafel! +Rafel!" they had suddenly disappeared and left me free. Surely this was +a sufficient proof that I was not forgotten by him who had professed to +love me?--and that his aid might still be depended upon? Why should I +doubt him? + +I had placed my book, 'The Secret of Life,' on the table when I +re-entered my room--but now I took it up again, and the pages fell open +at the following passage:-- + +"When once you possess the inestimable treasure of love, remember that +every effort will be made to snatch it from you. There is nothing the +world envies so much as a happy soul! Those who have been your dearest +friends will turn against you because you have a joy in which they do +not share,--they will unite with your foes to drag you down from your +height of Paradise. The powers of the coarse and commonplace will be +arrayed against you--shafts of disdain and ridicule will be hurled at +your tenderest feelings,--venomous lies and cruel calumnies will be +circulated around you,--all to try and draw you from the circle of +light into darkness and chaos. If you would stand firm, you must stand +within the whirlwind; if you would maintain the centre-poise of your +Soul, you must preserve the balance of movement,--the radiant and +deathless atoms whereof your Body and Spirit are composed must be under +steady control and complete organisation like a well disciplined army, +otherwise the disintegrating forces set up by the malign influences of +others around you will not only attack your happiness, but your health, +break down your strength and murder your peace. Love is the only glory +of Life,--the Heart and Pulse of all things,--a possession denied to +earth's greatest conquerors--a talisman which opens all the secrets of +Nature--a Divinity whose power is limitless, and whose benediction +bestows all beauty, all sweetness, all joy! Bear this in mind, and +never forget how such a gift is grudged to those who have it by those +who have it not!" + +Reading thus far, a light began to break in upon me. Had not all the +weird and inexplicable experience of the past hours (or days) tended to +shake me from Love and destroy my allegiance to the ideal I cherished? +And--had I yielded to the temptation? Had I failed? I dared not +estimate either failure or success! + +Leaving my place at the window, I saw that the little 'lift' or dresser +in the wall had come up noiselessly with its usual daintily prepared +refection of fruit and bread and deliciously cool spring water. I had +felt neither hunger nor thirst during my strange wanderings in unknown +places, but now I was quite ready for a meal, and enjoyed it with all +the zest of an unspoilt appetite. When I had finished, I returned to my +precious book, and placing it on the table, I propped up my head +between my two hands and set myself resolutely to study. And I write +down here the passages I read, exactly as I found them, for those who +care to practise the lessons they teach. + +FREE-WILL + +"The exercise of the Will is practically limitless. It is left +unfettered so that we may be free to make our own choice of life and +evolve our own destiny. It can command all things save Love, for Love +is of God and God is not subject to authority. Love must be born IN the +Soul and OF the Soul. It must be a dual flame,--that is to say, it must +find its counterpart in another Soul which is its ordained mate, before +it can fulfil its highest needs. Then, like two wings moved by the same +soaring impulse, it assists the Will and carries it to the highest +heaven. Through its force life is generated and preserved--without it, +life escapes to other phases to find its love again. Nothing is +perfect, nothing is lasting without the light and fire of this dual +flame. It cannot be WILLED either to kindle or to burn; it must be born +of itself and IN itself, and shed its glory on the souls of its own +choice. All else is subject to order and command. Love alone is free." + +POWER + +"Power over all things and all men is obtained by organisation--that is +to say, 'setting one's house in order.' The 'house' implied is the body +in which the Soul has temporary dwelling; every corner of it must be +'in order,'--every atom working healthfully in its place without any +suggestion of confusion. Then, whatever is desired shall be attained. +Nothing in the Universe can resist the force of a steadfastly fixed +resolve; what the Spirit truly seeks must, by eternal law, be given to +it, and what the body needs for the fulfilment of the Spirit's commands +will be bestowed. From the sunlight and the air and the hidden things +of space strength shall be daily and hourly renewed; everything in +Nature shall aid in bringing to the resolved Soul that which it +demands. There is nothing within the circle of Creation that can resist +its influence. Success, wealth, triumph upon triumph come to every +human being who daily 'sets his house in order'--whom nothing can move +from his fixed intent,--whom no malice can shake, no derision drive +from his determined goal,--whom no temptation can drag from his +appointed course, and who is proof against spite and calumny. For men's +minds are for the most part like the shifting sands of the sea, and he +alone rules who evolves Order from Chaos." + +ETERNAL LIFE + +"Life is eternal because it cannot die. Everything that lives MUST live +for ever. Everything that lives has ALWAYS lived. What is called death, +is by law impossible. Life is perpetually changing into various +forms,--and every change it makes we call 'death' because to us it +seems a cessation of life, whereas it is simply renewed activity. Every +soul imprisoned to-day in human form has lived in human form +before,--the very rose that flowers on its stem has flowered in this +world before. Each individual Spirit preserves its individuality and, +to a certain extent, its memory. It is permitted to remember a few out +of the million incidents and episodes with which its psychic brain is +stored, but ONLY a few during its period of evolvement. When it reaches +the utmost height of spiritual capacity, and is strong enough to know +and see and understand, then it will remember all from the beginning. +Nothing can ever be forgotten, inasmuch as forgetfulness implies waste, +and there is no waste in the scheme of the Universe. Every thought is +kept for use,--every word, every sigh and tear is recorded. Life +itself, in our limited view of it, can be continued indefinitely on +this earth, if we use the means given to us to preserve and renew it. +It was easy to preserve and prolong it in the early days of the world's +prime, for our planet was then nearer to the sun. In the present day it +is returning to a position in the heavens which encourages and sustains +life--and men live longer without knowing why, never thinking that it +is the result of the immediate situation of the planet with regard to +the sun. The Earth is not where it was in the days of Christ; it has +been rushing through space these two thousand years, and yet mankind +forgets that its place in the heavens is different from that which it +formerly occupied, and that with this difference the laws of climate, +custom and living are changed. It is not Man who alters his +surroundings--it is Nature, whose order cannot be disobeyed. Man thinks +that the growth of science and what he calls his 'progress' is the +result of his own cleverness alone; on the contrary, it is the result +of a change in his atmospheric ether which not only helps scientific +explanation and discovery, but which tends to give him greater power +over the elements, as well as to prolong his life and intellectual +capability. There is no such thing as 'standing still' in the Universe. +Every atom, every organism is doing something, or going somewhere, and +there is no stop. Rest itself is merely a form of Progress towards +Beauty and Perfection, and there is no flaw anywhere in the majestic +splendour of God's scheme for the ultimate happiness of His entire +Creation." + +ARROGANT ASCETICISM + +"The ascetic is a blasphemer of God and of the work for which God alone +is responsible. By withdrawing himself from the world of men he +withdraws himself from human sympathy. By chastising the body and its +natural emotions and desires, he chastises that which God has made as a +temple for his soul to dwell in. By denying the pleasures of this +world, he denies all the good which God has prepared and provided for +him, and he wrongs the fair happiness of Nature and the order in which +the Universe is planned. The so-called 'religious' person who retires +into a monastery, there to pray and fast and bemoan the ills of the +flesh, is an unnatural creature and displeasing to his Maker. For God +looked upon everything He had made and found it 'good.' Good--not bad, +as the arrogant ascetic would assume. Joy, not sorrow, should be the +keynote of life--the world is not a 'vale of tears' but a flower-filled +garden, basking in the perpetual sunshine of the smile of God. What is +called 'sin' is the work of Man--God has no part in it. 'By pride the +angels fell.' By pride Man delays his eternal delight. When he presumes +to be wiser than his Creator,--when he endeavours to upset the +organisation of Nature, and invents a kind of natural and moral code of +his own, then comes disaster. The rule of a pure and happy life is to +take all that God sends with thankfulness in moderation--the fruits of +the earth, the joys of the senses, the love of one's fellow-creatures, +the delights of the intellect, the raptures of the soul; and to find no +fault with that which is and must ever be faultless. We hear of wise +men and philosophers sorrowing over 'the pain and suffering of the +world'--but the pain and suffering are wrought by Man alone, and Man's +cruelty to his fellows. From Man's culpable carelessness and neglect of +the laws of health has come every disease, as from Man's egotism, +unbelief and selfishness have sprung all the crimes in the calendar." I +paused here, for it seemed to me that it was getting dark,--at any rate +I could not see to read very clearly. I looked at the window, but very +little light came through it,--a sudden obscurity, like a heavy cloud, +darkened all visible things. I quickly made up my mind that I would not +yield to any more fanciful terrors, or leave the room, even if I saw +another outlet that night. With this determination I undressed quickly +and went to bed. As I laid my head on the pillow I felt a kind of +coldness in the air which made me shiver a little--an 'uncanny' +sensation to which I would not yield. I saw the darkness thickening +round me, and closed my eyes, resolving to rest--and so succeeded in +ordering all my faculties to this end that within a very few minutes I +was soundly asleep. + + + + +XIX + +THE UNKNOWN DEEP + + +My slumber was so profound and dreamless that I have no idea how long +it lasted, but when finally I awoke it was with a sense of the most +vivid and appalling terror. Every nerve in my body seemed paralysed--I +could not move or cry out,--invisible bands stronger than iron held me +a prisoner on my bed--and I could only stare upwards in horror as a +victim bound to the rack might stare at the pitiless faces of his +torturers. A Figure, tall, massive and clothed in black, stood beside +me--I could not see its face--but I felt its eyes gazing down upon me +with a remorseless, cold inquisitiveness--a silent, searching enquiry +which answered itself without words. If every thought in my brain and +every emotion of my soul could have been cut out of me with a +dissecting knife and laid bare to outward inspection, those terrible +eyes, probing deep into the very innermost recesses of my being, would +have done the work. + +The beating of my heart sounded loud and insistent in my own ears,--I +lay still, trying to gain control over my trembling spirit,--and it was +almost with an awful sense of relief that I saw the figure move at last +from its rigid attitude and beckon me--beckon slowly and commandingly +with one outstretched arm from which the black, dank draperies hung +like drifting cloud. Mechanically obeying the signal, I strove to rise +from my bed--and found that I could do so,--I sat up shiveringly, +looking at the terrifying Form that towered above me, enclosing me as +it were in its own shadow--and then, managing to stand on my feet, +though unsteadily, I mutely prepared to follow where it should lead. It +moved on--and I went after it, compelled by some overpowering instinct +against which I dared not rebel. Once the vague, half-formed thought +flitted through my brain--"This is Death that summons me away,"--till +with the thought came the remembrance that according to the schooling I +was receiving, there is no such thing as 'Death,' but only the +imaginary phantom we call by that name. + +Slowly, sedately, and with an indescribable majesty of movement, the +dark Figure glided on before me, and I, a trembling little creature, +followed it, I knew not whither. There was no obstacle in our +course,--doors, walls and windows seemed to melt asunder into +nothingness as we passed--and there was no stop to our onward progress +till suddenly I saw before me a steep and narrow spiral stairway of +stone winding up into the very centre of a rocky pinnacle, which in its +turn lifted its topmost peak into the darkness of a night sky sprinkled +with millions of stars. The sombre Figure paused: and again I felt the +search-light of its invisible eyes burning through me. Then, as though +satisfied with its brief survey, it began to ascend the spiral stair. + +I followed step by step,--the way was long and difficult--the sharp +turns dizzying to the senses, and there seemed no end to the upward +winding. Sometimes I stumbled and nearly fell--sometimes I groped on +hands and knees, always seeing before me the black-draped Form that +moved on with such apparently little care as to whether or no I fared +ill or well in my obedience to its summons. + +And now, as I climbed, all sorts of strange memories began to creep +into the crannies of my brain and perplex me with trouble and +uncertainty. Chiefly did my mind dwell on cruelties--the cruelties +practised by human beings to one another,--moral cruelties especially, +they being so much worse than any physical torture. I thought of the +world's wicked misjudgments passed on those who are greater in spirit +than itself,--how, even when we endeavour to do good to others, our +kindest actions are often represented as merely so many forms of +self-interest and self-seeking,--how our supposed 'best' friends often +wrong us and listen credulously to enviously invented tales against +us,--how even in Love--ah!-Love!--that most etherial yet most powerful +of passions!--a rough word, an unmerited slight, may separate for a +lifetime those whose love would otherwise have been perfect. And still +I climbed, and still I thought, and still the dark Phantom-Figure +beckoned me on and on. + +And then I began to consider that in climbing to some unknown, unseen +height in deep darkness I was, after all, doing a wiser thing than +living in the world with the ways of the world,--ways that are for the +most part purely hypocritical, and are practised merely to overreach +and out-do one's fellow-men and women--ways of fashion, ways of +society, ways of government which are merely temporary, while Nature, +the invincible and eternal, moves on her appointed course with the same +inborn intuition, namely, to destroy that which is evil and preserve +only that which is good. And Man, the sole maker of evil, the only +opposer of Divine Order, fools himself into the belief that his evil +shall prosper and his falsehood be accepted as truth, if he can only +sham a sufficient show of religious faith to deceive himself and others +on the ascending plane of History. He who has invented Sin has likewise +invented a God to pardon it, for there is no sin in the natural +Universe. The Divine Law cannot pardon, for it is inviolate and bears +no trespass without punishment. + +So I mused in my inward self, and still I climbed, keeping my eyes +fixed on the Figure that led me on, and which now, having reached the +end of the spiral stair, was slowly mounting to the highest peak of the +rocky pinnacle which lifted itself to the stars. An icy wind began to +blow,--my feet were bare, and I was thinly clad in my night-gear with +only the addition of a white woollen wrap I had hastily flung round me +for warmth when I left my bed to follow my spectral leader--and I +shivered through and through with the bitter cold. Yet I went on +resolutely,--indeed, having started on this perilous adventure, there +was no returning, for when I looked back on the way I had come, the +spiral stair had completely vanished, and there was nothing but black +and empty space! + +This discovery so terrified me that for the moment I lost breath, and I +came to a halt in the very act of ascending. Then I saw the Figure in +front of me turn round with a threatening movement, and I felt that +with one second more of hesitation I should lose my footing altogether +and slip away into some vast abysmal depth of unimaginable doom. Making +a strong effort, I caught back my escaping self-control, and forced my +shuddering limbs to obey my will and resume their work-and so, slowly, +inch by inch, I resumed my climb, sick with giddiness and fear and +chilled to the very heart. Presently I heard a rumbling roar like the +sound of great billows rushing into hollow caverns which echoed their +breaking in thuds of booming thunder. Looking up, I saw the Figure I +had followed standing still; and I fancied that the sombre draperies in +which it was enveloped showed an outline of glimmering light. Fired by +a sudden hope, I set myself to tread the difficult path anew, and +presently I too stood still, beside my mysterious Leader. Above me was +a heaven of stars;--below an unfathomable deep of darkness where +nothing was visible;--but from this nothingness arose a mighty +turbulence as of an angry sea. I remained where I found myself, afraid +to move;--one false step might, I felt, hurl me into a destruction +which though it would not be actual death would certainly be something +like chaos. Almost I felt inclined to catch at the cloudy garments of +the solemn Figure at my side for safety and protection, and while this +desire was yet upon me it turned its veiled head towards me and spoke +in a low, deep tone that was infinitely gentle. + +"So far!--and yet not far enough!" it said--"To what end wilt thou +adventure for the sake of Love?" + +"To no End whatsoever,"--I answered with sudden boldness--"But to +everlasting Continuance!" + +Again I thought I saw a faint glowing light within its sombre draperies. + +"What wouldst thou do for Love?" its voice again enquired--"Wouldst +thou bear all things and believe all things? Canst thou listen to +falsehood bearing witness against truth, and yet love on? Wilt thou +endure all suffering, all misunderstanding, all coldness and cruelty, +and yet keep thy soul bright as a burning lamp with the flame of faith +and endeavour? Wouldst thou scale the heavens and plunge to the +uttermost hell for the sake of him thou lovest, knowing that thy love +must make him one with thee at the God-appointed hour?" + +I looked up at the Figure, vainly striving to see its face. + +"All these things I would do!" I answered--"All that is in the power of +my soul to endure mortally or immortally, I will bear for Love's sake!" + +Again the light flashed through its black garments. When it next spoke, +its voice rang out harshly in ominous warning. + +"Thy lover is dead!" it proclaimed--"He has passed from this sphere to +another, and ye shall not meet again for many cycles of time! DOST THOU +BELIEVE IT?" + +A cold agony gripped my breast, but I would not yield to it, and +answered resolutely-- + +"No! I do not believe it! He could not die without my knowing and +feeling the parting of his soul from mine!" + +There was a pause, in which only the thunder of that invisible sea far +down below us was audible. Then the voice went on, + +"Thy lover is false!" it said--"His love for thee was a passing +mood--already he regrets--already he wearies in thought of thee and +loves thee no more! DOST THOU BELIEVE IT?" + +I took no time for thought, but answered at once without hesitation-- + +"No! For if he does not love me his Spirit lies!--and no Spirit CAN +lie!" + +Another pause. Then the voice put this question-- + +"Dost thou truly believe in God, thy Creator, the Maker of heaven and +earth?" + +Lifting my eyes half in hope, half in appeal to the starry deep sky +above me, I replied fervently-- + +"I do believe in Him with all my soul!" + +A silence followed which seemed long and weighted with suspense. Then +the voice spoke once more-- + +"Dost thou believe in Love, the generator of Life and the moving Cause +and Mind of all created things?" + +And again I replied-- + +"With all my soul!" + +The Figure now bent slightly towards me, and the light within its +darkness became more denned and brilliant. Presently an arm and hand, +white and radiant--a shape as of living flame--was slowly outstretched +from the enfolding black draperies. It pointed steadily to the abyss +below me. + +"If thy love is so great"--said the voice--"If thy faith is so +strong--if thy trust in God is sure and perfect--descend thither!" + +I heard--but could not credit my own hearing. I gazed at the shrouded +and veiled speaker--at the commanding arm that signed my mortal body to +destruction. For a moment I was lost in wild terror and wilder doubt. +Was this fearful suggestion a temptation or a test? Should it be +obeyed? I strove to find the centre-poise of my own self--to gather all +my forces together,--to make myself sure of my own will and responsible +for my own deeds,--and then--then I paused. All that was purely mortal +in me shuddered on the brink of the Unknown. One look upward to the +soft gloom of the purple sky and its myriad stars--one horrified glance +downward at the dark depth where I heard the roaring of the sea! I +clasped my hands in a kind of prayerful desperation, and looked once +more at the solemn Shadow beside me. + +"If thy love is so great!" it repeated, in slow and impressive +tones--"If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in God is so sure and +perfect!" + +There came a moment of tense stillness--a moment in which my life +seemed detached from myself so that I held it like a palpitating +separate creature in my hands, Suddenly the recollection of the last +vision of all those I had seen among the dark mountains of Coruisk came +back to me vividly--that of the woman who had knelt outside a barred +gate in Heaven, waiting to enter in--"O leave her not always exiled and +alone!" I had prayed then--"Dear God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let +her in! She has waited so long!" + +A sob broke unconsciously from my lips--my eyes filled with burning +tears that blinded me. Imploringly I turned towards the relentless +Figure beside me once more--its hand still pointed downwards--and again +I seemed to hear the words-- + +"If thy love is so great! If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in +God is so sure and perfect!" + +And then I suddenly found my own Soul's centre,--the very basis of my +own actual being--and standing firmly upon that plane of imperishable +force, I came to a quick resolve. + +"Nothing can destroy me!" I said within myself--"Nothing can slay the +immortal part of me, and nothing can separate my soul from the soul of +my beloved! In all earth, in all heaven, there is no cause for fear!" + +Hesitating no longer, I closed my eyes,--then extending my clasped +hands I threw myself forward and plunged into the darkness!--down, +down, interminably down! A light followed me like a meteoric shaft of +luminance piercing the blackness--I retained sufficient consciousness +to wonder at its brilliancy, and for a time I was borne along in my +descent as though on wings. Down, still down!--and I saw ocean at my +feet!--a heaving mass of angry waters flecked with a wool-like fleece +of foam! + +"The Change that is called Death, but which is Life!" + +This was the only clear thought that flashed like lightning through my +brain as I sank swiftly towards the engulfing desert of the sea!--then +everything swirled into darkness and silence! + + * * * + * * + * + +A delicate warm glow like the filtering of sunbeams through shaded silk +and crystal--a fragrance of roses--a delicious sound of harp-like +music--to these things I was gradually awakened by a gentle pressure on +my brows. I looked up--and my whole heart relieved itself in a long +deep sigh of ecstasy!--it was Aselzion himself who bent over +me,--Aselzion whose grave blue eyes watched me with earnest and anxious +solicitude. I smiled up at him in response to his wordless questioning +as to how I felt, and would have risen but that he imperatively signed +to me to lie still. + +"Rest!" he said,--and his voice was very low and tender. "Rest, poor +child! You have done more than well!" + +Another sigh of pure happiness escaped me,--I stretched out my arms +lazily like one aroused from a long and refreshing slumber. My +sensations were now perfectly exquisite; a fresh and radiant life +seemed pouring itself through my veins, and I was content to remain a +perfectly passive recipient of such an inflow of health and joy. The +room I found myself in was new to me--it seemed made up of lovely +colourings and a profusion of sweet flowers--I lay enshrined as it were +in the centre of a little temple of beauty. I had no desire to move or +to speak,--every trouble, every difficulty had passed from my mind, and +I watched Aselzion dreamily as he brought a chair to the side of my +couch and sat down--then, taking my hand in his, felt my pulse with an +air of close attention. + +I smiled again. + +"Does it still beat?" I asked, finding my voice suddenly--"Surely the +great sea has drowned it!" + +Still holding my hand, he looked full into my eyes. + +"'Many waters cannot quench love'!" he quoted softly. "Dear child, you +have proved that truth. Be satisfied!" + +Raising myself on my pillows, I studied his grave face with an earnest +scrutiny. + +"Tell me,"--I half whispered--"Have I failed?" + +He pressed my hand encouragingly. + +"No! You have almost conquered!" + +Almost! Only 'almost'! I sank back again on the couch, wondering and +waiting. He remained beside me quite silent. After a little the tension +of suspense became unbearable and I spoke again-- + +"How did I escape?" I asked--"Who saved me when I fell?" + +He smiled gravely. + +"There was nothing to escape from"--he answered--"And no one saved you +since you were not in danger." + +"Not in danger!" I echoed, amazed. + +"No! Only from yourself!" + +I gazed at him, utterly bewildered. He gave me a kind and reassuring +glance. + +"Have patience!" he said, gently--"All shall be explained to you in +good time! Meanwhile this apartment is yours for the rest of your stay +here, which will not now be long--I have had all your things removed +from the Probation room in the tower, so that you will no more be +troubled by its scenic transformations!" Here he smiled again. "I will +leave you now to recover from the terrors through which you have passed +so bravely;--rest and refresh yourself thoroughly, for you have nothing +more to fear. When you are quite ready touch this"--and he pointed to a +bell--"I shall hear its summons and will come to you at once." + +Before I could say a word to detain him, he had retired, and I was left +alone. + +I rose from my couch,--and the first impression I had was that of a +singular ease and lightness--a sense of physical strength and +well-being that was delightful beyond expression. The loveliness and +peace of the room in which I was enchanted me,--everything my eyes +rested upon suggested beauty. The windows were shaded with rose silk +hangings--and when I drew these aside I looked out on a marble loggia +or balcony overhung with climbing roses,--this, in its turn, opened on +an exquisite glimpse of garden and blue sea. There was no clock +anywhere to tell me the time of day, but the sun was shining, and I +imagined it must be afternoon. Adjoining this luxurious apartment was +an equally luxurious bathroom, furnished with every conceivable +elegance,--the bath itself was of marble, and the water bubbled up from +its centre like a natural spring, sparkling as it came. I found all my +clothes, books and other belongings arranged with care where I could +most easily get at them, and to my joy the book 'The Secret of Life,' +which I thought I had lost on my last perilous adventure, lay on a +small table by itself like a treasure set apart. + +I bathed and dressed quickly, allowing myself no time to think upon any +strange or perplexing point in my adventures, but giving myself +entirely up to the joy of the new and ecstatic life which thrilled +through me. A mirror in the room showed me my own face, happy and +radiant,--my own eyes bright and smiling,--no care seemed to have left +a trace on my features, and I was fully conscious of a perfect strength +and health that made the mere act of breathing a pleasure. In a very +short time I was ready to receive Aselzion, and I touched the bell he +had indicated as a signal. Then I sat down by the window and looked out +on the fair prospect before me. How glorious was the world, I +thought!--how full of perfect beauty! That heavenly blue of sky and sea +melting into one--the tender hues of the clambering roses against the +green of the surrounding foliage--the lovely light that filtered +through the air like powdered gold!--were not all these things to be +thankful for? and can there be any real unhappiness so long as our +Souls are in tune with the complete harmony of Creation? + +Hearing a step behind me, I rose--and with a glad smile stretched out +my hands to Aselzion, who had just then entered. He took them in his +own and pressed them lightly--then drawing a chair opposite to mine, he +sat down. His face expressed a certain gravity, and his voice when he +began to speak was low and gentle. + +"I have much to tell you"--he said--"but I will make it as brief as I +can. You came here to pass a certain psychic ordeal--and you have +passed it successfully--all but the last phase. Of that we will speak +presently. For the moment you are under the impression that you have +been through certain episodes of a more or less perplexing and painful +nature. So you have--but not in the way you think. Nothing whatever has +happened to you, save in your own mind--your adventures have been +purely mental--and were the result of several brains working on yours +and compelling you to see and to hear what they chose. There!--do not +look so startled!"--for I had risen with an involuntary exclamation--"I +will explain everything quite clearly, and you will soon understand." + +He paused--and I sat down again by the window, wondering and waiting. + +"In this world," he went on, slowly--"it is not climate, or natural +surroundings that affect man so much as the influences brought to bear +upon him by his fellow-men. Human beings really live surrounded by the +waves of thought flung off by their own brains and the brains of those +around them,--and this is the reason why, if they are not strong enough +to find a centre-poise, they are influenced by ways and moods of +thought which would never be their own by choice and free-will. If a +mind, or let us say a Soul, can resist the impressions brought to bear +upon it by other forces than itself--if it can stand alone, clear of +obstacle, in the light of the Divine Image, then it has gained a +mastership over all things. But the attainment of such a position is +difficult enough to be generally impossible. Influences work around us +everywhere,--men and women with great aims in life are swept away from +their intentions by the indifference or discouragement of their +friends--brave deeds are hindered from accomplishment by the suggestion +of fears which do not really exist--and the daily scattering and waste +of psychic force and powerful mentality by disturbing or opposing +brain-waves, is sufficient to make the world a perfect paradise were it +used to that end." + +He waited a moment--then bent his eyes earnestly upon me as he resumed-- + +"You do not need to be told by me that you have lived on this earth +before, and that you have many times been gently yet forcibly drawn +into connection with the other predestined half of yourself,--that Soul +of love which blindly seeking, you have often rejected when found--not +of yourself have you rejected it--but simply because of the influences +around you to which you have yielded. Now in this further phase of your +existence you have been given another chance--another opportunity. It +is quite possible that had you not come to me you would have lost your +happiness again, and it was this knowledge which made me receive you, +against all the rules of our Order, when I saw that you were fairly +resolved. Your ordeal would have been longer had you not made the first +bold advance yourself on the occasion of your entrance into our chapel. +The light of the Cross and Star drew you, and your Soul obeyed the +attraction of its native element. Had you opposed its intention by +doubts and fears, I should have had more trouble with you than I should +have cared to undertake. But you made the first step yourself with a +rare courage--the rest was comparatively easy." + +He paused again and again went on. + +"I have already said that you are under the impression of having gone +through certain adventures or episodes, which have more or less +distressed and perplexed you. These things have had NO EXISTENCE except +in your mind! When I took you up to your room in the turret, I placed +you under my influence and under the influence of four other brains +acting in conjunction with myself. We took entire possession of your +mentality, and made it as far as possible like a blank slate, on which +we wrote what we chose. The test was to see whether your Soul, which is +the actual You, could withstand and overcome our suggestions. At first +hearing, this sounds as if we had played a trick upon you for our own +entertainment--but it is not so,--it is merely an application of the +most powerful lesson in life--namely, THE RESISTANCE AND CONQUEST OF +THE INFLUENCES OF OTHERS, which are the most disturbing and weakening +forces we have to contend with." + +I began to see clearly what he meant me to understand, and I hung upon +his words with eager attention. + +"You have only to look about you in the world," he continued--"to +realise the truth of what I say. Every day you may meet some soul whose +powers of accomplishment might be superb if it were not for the +restricting influences to which it allows itself to succumb. How often +do you not come upon a man or woman of brilliant genius, who is +nevertheless rendered incompetent by opposing influences, and who +therefore lives the life of a bird in a cage! Take the thousands of men +wrongly mated, whose very wives and children drag them down and kill +every spark of ambition and accomplishment within them! Take the +thousands of women persuaded or forced into unions with men whose low +estimate of woman's intellect coarsens and degrades her to a level from +which it is almost impossible to rise! This is the curse of +'influences'--the magnetic currents of other brains which set our own +awry, and make half the trouble and mischief in the world. Not one soul +in a hundred thousand has force or courage to resist them! The man +accustomed to live with a wife who without doing any other harm, simply +kills his genius by the mere fact of her daily contact, moods, and +methods, makes no effort to shake himself free from the apathy her +influence causes, but simply sinks passively into inaction. The woman, +bound to a man who insists on considering her lower than himself, and +often pulled this way and that by the selfish desires or aims of her +children or other family belongings, becomes a mere domestic drudge or +machine, with no higher aims than are contained in the general ordering +of household business. Love,--the miraculous touchstone which turns +everything to gold,--is driven out of the circle of Life with the +result that Life itself grows weary of its present phase, and makes +haste to seek another more congenial. Hence proceeds what we call age +and death." + +I was about to interrupt by an eager question--but he silenced me by a +gesture. + +"Your position," he went on--"from a psychic standard,--which is the +only necessary, because the only lasting attitude,--is that of being +brought into connection with the other half of your spiritual and +immortal Ego,--which means the possession of perfect love, and with it +perfect life. And because this is so great a gift, and so entirely +Divine, influences are bound to offer opposition in order that the Soul +may make its choice VOLUNTARILY. Therefore, when I, and the other +brains acting with me, placed you under our power, we impressed you +with all that most readily shakes the feminine mind--doubt, jealousy, +suspicion, and all the wretched terrors these wretched emotions +engender. We suggested the death of Rafel Santoris as well as his +treachery,--you heard, as you thought, voices behind a wall--but there +were no voices--only the suggestion of voices in your mind. You saw +strange phantoms and shadows,--they had no existence except in so far +as we made them exist and present themselves to your mental vision. You +wandered away into unknown places, so you imagined,--but as a matter of +fact you NEVER LEFT YOUR ROOM!" + +"Never left my room!" I echoed--"Oh, that cannot be!" + +"It can be, because it is!" he answered me, smiling gravely--"The only +thing in your experience that was REAL was the finding of the book 'The +Secret of Life'--in the purple-draped shrine. Here it is"--and he took +it up from the table on which it lay--"and if you had turned it over a +little more, you would have found this"--and he read aloud-- + +"'All action is the material result of Thought. Suffering is the result +of THINKING INTO PAIN--disease the result of THINKING INTO WEAKNESS. +Every emotion is the result of wrong or right THINKING, with one +exception--Love. Love is not an Emotion but a Principle, and as the +generator of Life pervades all things, and is all things. Thought, +working WITHIN this Principle, creates the things of beauty and +lastingness,--Thought, working OUTSIDE this Principle, equally creates +the things of terror, doubt, confusion, and destruction. There is no +other Secret of Life--no other Elixir of Youth--no other Immortality!'" + +He pronounced the last words with gentle and impressive emphasis, and a +great sweetness and calm filled my mind as I listened. + +"I--or I should say we--for four of my Brethren were deeply interested +in you on account of the courage you had shown--we took you up to the +utmost height of endurance in the way of mental terror--and, to our +great joy, found your Soul strong enough to baffle and conquer the +ultimate suggestion of Death itself. You held firmly to the truth that +there is NO death, and with that spiritual certainty risked all for +Love. Now we have released you from our spells!"--and his eyes were +full of kindness as he looked at me--"and I want to know if you +thoroughly realise the importance of the lesson we have taught?" + +I met his enquiring glance fully and steadily. + +"I think I do,"--I said--"You mean that I must stand alone?" + +"Alone, yet not alone!"--he answered, and his fine face was +transfigured into light with its intense feeling and power--"Alone with +Love!--which is to say alone with God, and therefore surrounded by all +god-like, lasting and revivifying things. You will go back from this +place to the world of conventions,--and you will meet a million +influences to turn you from your chosen way. Opinion, criticism, +ridicule, calumny and downright misunderstanding--these will come out +against you like armed foes, bristling at every point with weapons of +offence. If you tell them of your quest of life and youth and love, and +of your experience here, they will cover you with their mockery and +derision--if you were to breathe a word of the love between you and +Rafel Santoris, a thousand efforts would be instantly made to separate +you, one from the other, and snatch away the happiness you have won. +How will you endure these trials?--what will be your method of action?" + +I thought a moment. + +"The same that I have tried to practise here"--I answered--"I shall +believe nothing of ill report--but only of good." + +He bent his eyes upon me searchingly. + +"Remember," he said--"what force there is in a storm of opinion! The +fiercest gale that ever blew down strong trees and made havoc of men's +dwellings is a mere whisper compared with the fury of human minds set +to destroy one heaven-aspiring soul! Think of the petty grudge borne by +the loveless against Love!--the spite of the restless and unhappy +against those who have won peace! All this you will have to bear,--for +the world is envious--and even a friend breaks down in the strength of +friendship when thwarted or rendered jealous by a greater and more +resistless power!" I sighed a little. + +"I have few friends,"--I said--"Certainly none that have ever thought +it worth while to know my inner and truest self. Most of them are glad +to be my friends if I go THEIR way--but if I choose a way of my own +their 'friendship' becomes mere quarrel. But I talk of choosing a way! +How can I choose--yet? You say my ordeal is not over?" + +"It will be over to-night,"--he answered--"And I have every hope that +you will pass through it unflinchingly. You have not heard from +Santoris?" + +The question gave me a little thrill of surprise. + +"Heard from him?--No"--I replied--"He never suggested writing to me." + +Aselzion smiled. + +"He is too closely in touch with you to need other correspondence,"--he +said--"But be satisfied that he is safe and well. No misadventure has +befallen him." + +"Thank God!" I murmured. "And--if--" + +"If he loves you no more,"--went on Aselzion--"If he has made an 'error +of selection' as the scientists would say, and is not even now sure of +his predestined helper and inspirer whose love will lift him to the +highest attainment--what then?" + +"What then? Why, I must submit!" I answered, slowly--"I can wait, even +for another thousand years!" + +There was a silence, during which I felt Aselzion's eyes upon me. Then +he spoke again in a lighter tone. + +"Let us for the moment talk of what the world calls 'miracle'"--he +said--"I believe you are just now conscious of perfect health, and of a +certain joy in the mere fact of life. Is it not so?" + +Smiling, I bent my head in acquiescence. + +"Understand then"--he continued--"that while you control the +life-forces of which you are made, by the power of an all-commanding +spirit, this perfect health, this certain joy will continue. And more +than this--everything in Nature will serve you to this end. You have +but to ask your servants and they will obey. Ask of the sun its warmth +and radiance,--it will answer with a quick bestowal--ask of the storm +and wind and rain their powers of passion,--they will give you their +all,--ask of the rose its fragrance and colour, and the very essence of +it shall steal into your blood,--there is nothing you shall seek that +you will not find. Try your own powers now!"--and with the word he got +up and opened the window a little wider, then signed to me to step out +on the balcony--"Here are roses climbing up on their appointed +way--bend them to-wards you by a single effort of the will!" + +I gazed at him in complete surprise and bewilderment. His answering +looks were imperative. + +"By a single effort of the will!" he repeated. + +I obeyed him. Raising my eyes to the roses where they clambered upwards +round the loggia, I inwardly commanded them to turn towards me. The +effect was instantaneous. As though blown by a light breeze they all +bent down with their burden of bright blossom--some of the flowers +touching my hands. + +"That would be called 'miraculous' by the ignorant," said +Aselzion--"And it is nothing more than the physical force of the +magnetic light-rays within you, which, being focused in a single +effort, draw the roses down pliantly to your will. No more miracle is +there in this than that of the common magnet which has been vainly +trying to teach us lessons about ourselves these many years. Now, relax +your will!" + +Again I obeyed, and the roses moved gently away and upward to their +former branching height. + +"This is an object lesson for you,"--said Aselzion, smiling then--"You +must understand that you are now in a position to draw everything to +you as easily as you drew those roses! You can draw the germs of health +and life to mix and mingle with your blood--or--you can equally draw +the germs of disease and disintegration. The ACTION is with you. From +the sun you can draw fresh fuel for your brain and nerves--from the air +the sustenance you demand--from beautiful things their beauty, from +wise things their learning, from powerful things their force--NOTHING +can resist the radiating energy you possess if you only remember HOW to +employ it. In every action it must be focused on the given point--it +must not be disturbed or scattered. The more often it is used the more +powerful it becomes--the more all-conquering. But never forget that it +must work WITHIN the Creative Principle of Love--not outside it." + +I sat absorbed and half afraid. + +"And to-night--?" I said, softly. + +He rose from his chair and stood up to his full superb stature, looking +down upon me with a certain mingling of kindness and pity. + +"To-night,"--he replied--"we shall send for you! You will confront the +Brethren, as one who has passed the same mental test through which they +are passing! And you will face the last fear! I do not think you will +go back upon yourself--I hope not--I strongly desire you to keep your +courage to the end!" + +I ventured to touch his hand. + +"And afterwards?" I queried. + +He smiled. + +"Afterwards--Life and its secrets are all with you and Love!" + + + + +XX + +INTO THE LIGHT + + +When I was left alone once more I gave myself up to the enchanting +sense of perfect happiness that now seemed to possess my whole being. +The world of glorious Nature showed me an aspect of brilliancy and +beauty that could no more be shadowed by fear or foreboding--it was a +mirror in which I saw reflected the perfect Mind of the Divine. Nothing +existed to terrify or daunt the advancing Soul which had become +cognisant of its own capabilities, and which, by the very laws +governing it, is preordained to rise to the utmost height of supernal +power. I had dimly guessed this truth--but I had never surely known it +till now. Now, I recognised that everything is and must be subservient +to this interior force which exists to 'replenish the earth and subdue +it'--and that nothing can hinder the accomplishment of its resolved +Will. As I sat by the window thinking and dreaming, I began to wonder +what would be the nature of that 'last fear' of which Aselzion had +spoken? Why should the word 'fear' be mentioned, when there was no +cause for fear of any kind? Fear can only arise from a sense of +cowardice,--and cowardice is the offspring of weakness. From this +argument it followed that my strength was not yet thoroughly tested to +Aselzion's satisfaction,--that he still thought it possible that some +latent weakness in my spirit might display itself on further trial. And +I resolved that if such was his idea, he should be proved wrong. +Nothing, I vowed, should move me now--not all the world arrayed in arms +against me should hinder my advance towards the completion of myself in +the love of my Beloved! + +I have already said that there was no visible chronicle of time in the +House of Aselzion, save such as was evidenced by the broadening or +waning light of day. Just now I knew it was late afternoon, as the +window where I sat faced the west, and the sun was sinking in a blaze +of glory immediately opposite to me. Bars of gold and purple and pale +blue formed a kind of cloud gateway across the heavens, and behind this +the splendid orb shone in a halo of deep rose. Watching the royal +pageantry of colour on all sides, I allowed myself to go forth as it +were in spirit to meet and absorb it,--inwardly I set my whole being in +tune with the great wave of light which opened itself over the sea and +land, and as I did so found every nerve in my body thrilled with +responsive ecstasy, even as harpstrings may be thrilled into sound by +the sweep of the wind. I rose and went out, through the loggia into the +garden--feeling more like a disembodied spirit than a mortal, so light +and free and joyous were my very movements--so entirely in unison was I +with everything in Nature. The sunset bathed me in its ruby and purple +magnificence,--I lifted my eyes to the heavens and murmured almost +unconsciously--"Thank God for Life! Thank God for Love! Thank God for +all that Life and Love must bring to me!" + +A sea-gull soaring inland flew over my head with a little cry--its +graceful poise reminded me of the days I had passed in Morton Harland's +yacht, when I had watched so many of these snow-white creatures dipping +into the waves, and soaring up again to the skies--and on a sudden +impulse I stretched out my hand, determining to stay the bird's flight +if I could and bring it down to me. The effort succeeded,--slowly, and +as if checked by some obstacle it felt but could not see, the lovely +winged thing swept round and round in an ever descending circle and +finally alighted on my wrist. I held it so for a moment--it turned its +head towards me, its ruby-brown eyes sparkling in the sun--then I +tossed it off again into the air of its own freedom, where after +another circling sweep or two it disappeared, and I walked on in a +happy reverie, realising that what I could do with the visible things +of Nature I could do as easily with the invisible. A sense of power +vibrated through me [Footnote: The philosophy of Plato teaches that Man +originally by the power of the Divine Image within him could control +all Nature, but gradually lost this power through his own +fault.]--power to command, and power to resist,--power that forbade all +hesitation, vacillation or uncertainty--power which being connected by +both physical and spiritual currents with this planet, the Earth, and +the atmosphere by which it is surrounded, lifts all that it desires +towards itself, as it rejects what it does not need. + +Returning slowly through the garden, and lingering by the beds of +flowers that adorned it, I noticed how when I bent over any particular +blossom, it raised itself towards me as though drawn upward by a +magnet. I was not inclined to gather a single one for my own +pleasure--some occult sympathy had become established between me and +these beautiful creations--and I could no more sever a rose from its +stem than I could kill a bird that sang its little song to me. On +re-entering my room I found the usual refection prepared for me--fresh +fruit and bread and water--the only kind of food I was allowed. It was +quite sufficient for me,--in fact I had not felt at any time the +sensation of hunger. I began to wonder how long I had been a +'probationer' in the House of Aselzion? Days or weeks? I could not +tell. I was realising the full truth that with the things of the +infinite time has no existence, and I recalled the verse of the ancient +psalm: + +"A thousand ages in Thy sight Are like an evening gone, Short as the +watch that ends the night Before the rising sun." + +And while my thoughts ran in this groove, I opened the book of the +'Secret of Life'--and as if in answer to my inward communing, found the +following: + +THE DELUSION OF TIME + +"Time has no existence outside this planet. Humanity counts its +seasons, its days and hours by the Sun--but beyond the Sun there are +millions and trillions of other and larger suns, compared with which +our guiding orb is but a small star. Out in the infinitude of space +there is no Time, but only Eternity. Therefore the Soul which knows +itself to be eternal should associate Itself with eternal things, and +should never count its existence by years. To its Being there can be no +end--therefore it never ages and never dies. It is only the sham +religionists who talk of death,--it is only the inefficient and +unspiritual who talk of age. The man who allows himself to sink into +feebleness and apathy merely because of the passing of years has some +mental or spiritual weakness in him which he has not the Will to +overcome--the woman who suffers her beauty and freshness to wane and +fade on account of what she or her 'dearest' friends are pleased to +call 'age,' shows that she is destitute of spiritual self-control. The +Soul is always young, and its own radiation can preserve the youth of +the Body in which it dwells. Age and decrepitude come to those with +whom the Soul is 'an unknown quantity.' The Soul is the only barrier +against the forces of disintegration which break down effete substances +in preparation for the change which humanity calls 'Death.' If the +barrier is not strong enough, the enemy takes the city. These facts are +simple and true; too simple and too true to be accepted by the world. +The world goes to church and asks a Divinity to save its soul, +practically showing in all its ways of society and government an utter +disbelief in the Soul's existence. Men and women die when they might as +well have lived. If we examine into the cause of their deaths we shall +find it in the manner of their lives. Obstinacy and selfishness have +murdered more human beings than any other form of plague. The blasphemy +of sham religion has insulted the majesty of the Creator more than any +other form of sin, and He has answered it by His Supreme Silence. The +man who attends a ritual of prayer which he does not honestly believe +in, merely for the sake of social custom and observance, is openly +deriding his Maker and the priests who gain their living out of such +ritual are trading on the Divine. Let the people of this Earth be +taught that they live not in Time but Eternity,--that their thoughts, +words and deeds are recorded minutely and accurately--and that each +individual human unit is expected to contribute towards the general +beauty and adornment of God's scheme of Perfection. Every man, every +woman, must give of his or her best. The artist must give his noblest +art, not for what it brings to him personally of gain or renown, but +for what it does to others in the way of uplifting;--the poet must give +his highest thought, not for praise, but for love;--the very craftsman +must do his best and strongest work not for the coin paid, but for the +fact that it is work, and as such must be done well--and none must +imagine that they can waste the forces wherewith they have been +endowed. For no waste and no indolence is permitted, and in the end no +selfishness. The attitude of the selfish human being is pure +disintegration,--a destroying microbe which crumbles and breaks down +the whole constitution, not only ruining the body but the mind, and +frequently making havoc of the very wealth that has been too selfishly +guarded. For wealth is ephemeral as fame--only Love and the Soul are +the lasting things of God, the Makers of Life and the Rulers of +Eternity." + +So far I read--then laying down my book I listened. Music, solemn and +exquisitely beautiful, stole on my ears from the far distance--it +seemed to float through the open window as though in a double +chorus--rising from the sea and falling from the heavens. Delicious +harmonies trembled through the air, soft as fine rain falling on +roses,--and with their penetrating tenderness a thousand suggestions, a +thousand memories came to me, all infinitely sweet. I began to think +that even if Rafel Santoris were separated from me by some mischance, +or changed to me in any way, it need not affect me over-much so long as +I cherished the love I had for him in my own soul. Our passion was of a +higher quality than the merely material,--it was material and spiritual +together, the spiritual predominating, thus making of it the only +passion that can last. What difference could a few years more or less +bring, if we were bound, by the eternal laws governing us, to become +united in the end? The joy of life is to love rather than to be +loved,--and the recipient of love is never so fully conscious of +perfect happiness as the giver. + +The music went on in varying moods of lovely harmony, and my mind, like +a floating cloud, drifted lazily above the waves of sound. I thought +compassionately of the unrest and discontent of thousands who devote +themselves to the smallest and narrowest aims in life,--people with +whom the loss of a mere article of wearing apparel is more important +than a national difficulty--people who devote all their faculties to +social schemes of self-aggrandisement--people who discuss trifles till +discussion is worn threadbare, and ears are tired and brain is +weary--people who, assuming to be religious and regular church-goers, +yet do the meanest things, and have no scruple in playing the part of +tale-bearer and mischief-maker, setting themselves deliberately to +break friendships and destroy love--people who talk of God as though He +were their intimate, and who have by their very lives drawn everything +of God out of them--I thought of all these, I say--and I thought how +different this world would be if men would hold by the noblest ideals, +and suffer the latent greatness in them to have its way--if they would +truly rule their own universe and not allow its movements to fall into +chaos--how fair life would become!--how replete with health and +joy!--what a paradise would be created around us!--and what constant +benediction we should draw down upon us from the Most High! And +gradually as I sat absorbed in my own reveries the afternoon waned into +twilight, and twilight into dusk--one star brilliant as a great +diamond, flashed out suddenly above a rift of cloud--and a soft +darkness began to creep stealthily over sky and sea. I moved away from +the window and paced slowly up and down the room, waiting and +wondering. The music still continued,--but it had now grown slower and +more solemn, and founded like a great organ being played in a +cathedral. It impressed me with a sense of prayer and praise--more of +praise than prayer, for I had nothing to pray for, God having given me +my own Soul, which was all! + +As the darkness deepened, a soft suffused light illumined the room--and +I now noticed that it was the surface of the walls that shone in this +delicate yet luminous way. I put my hand on the wall nearest to me--it +was quite cold to the touch, yet bright to the eyes, and was no more +fatiguing to look at than the sunshine on a landscape. I could not +understand how the light was thus arranged and used, but its effect was +beautiful. As I walked to and fro, looking at the various graceful and +artistic objects which adorned the room, I perceived an easel, on which +a picture was placed with a curtain of dark velvet drawn across it. +Moved by curiosity, I drew the curtain aside,--and my heart gave a +quick bound of delight,--it was an admirably painted portrait of Rafel +Santoris. The grave blue eyes looked into my own,--a smile rested on +the firm, handsome mouth--the whole picture spoke to me and seemed to +ask 'Wherefore didst thou doubt?' I stood gazing at it for several +minutes, enrapt,--realising how much even the 'counterfeit presentment' +of a beloved face may mean. And then I began to think how strange it is +that we never seem ready to admit the strong insistence of Nature on +individuality and personality. Up at a vast height above the Earth, and +looking down upon a crowd of people from the car of a balloon, or from +an aeroplane, all human beings look the same--just one black mass of +tiny moving units; but, in descending among them, we find every face +and figure wholly different, and though all are made on the same model +there are no two alike. Yet there are many who argue and maintain that +though individual personality in bodies may be strongly marked, there +is no individual personality in souls--ergo, that Nature thinks so +little of the intelligent Spirit inhabiting a mortal form that she +limits individuality to that which is subject to change and has no care +for it in that which is eternal! Such an hypothesis is absurd on the +face of it, since it is the Soul that gives individuality to the Body. +The individual personality of Rafel Santoris, expressed even in his +painted portrait, appealed to me as being that of one I had loved long +and tenderly,--there was no strangeness in his features but only an +adorable familiarity. Long long ago, in centuries that had proved like +mere days down the vista of time, the Soul in those blue eyes had +looked love into mine! I recognised their tender, half-entreating, +half-commanding gaze,--I knew the little fleeting, wistful smile which +said so little and yet so much--I felt that the striving, ambitious +spirit of this man had sought mine as the help and completion of his +own uplifting, and that I had misunderstood him and turned from him at +the crucial moment when all might have been well. And I studied his +picture long and earnestly, so moved by its aspect that I found myself +talking to it softly as though it were a living thing. + +"I wonder if I shall ever meet you again?" I murmured--"Will you come +to me?--or shall I go to you? How shall we find each other? When shall +I be able to tell you that I know you now to be the only Beloved!--the +one centre of my life round which all other things must for evermore +revolve,--the very mainspring of my best thought and action,--the god +of my universe from whose love and pleasure spring the light and +splendour of creation! When shall I see you again to tell you all that +my heart longs to express?--when may I fold myself in your arms as a +bird folds its wings in a nest, and be at peace, knowing that I have +gained the summit of all ambition and desires in love's perfect union? +When shall we attune our lives together in that harmonious chord which +shall sound its music sweetly through eternity? When shall our Souls +make a radiant ONE, through which God's power and benediction shall +vibrate like living fire, creating within us all beauty, all wisdom, +all courage, all supernal joy?--For this is bound to be our +future--but--when?" + +Moved by my own imagining, I stretched out my arms to the picture of my +love, and tears filled my eyes. I was nothing but the weakest of +mortals in the sudden recollection of the happiness I might have won +long ago had I been wise in time! + +A door opened quietly behind me, and I turned round quickly. Aselzion's +messenger, Honorius, stood before me--and I greeted him with a smile, +though my eyes were wet. + +"Have you come to fetch me?"--I asked--"I am ready." + +He inclined his head a little. + +"You are not quite ready"--he said--and with the word he gave into my +hands a folded garment and veil--"You must attire yourself in these. I +will wait for you outside." + +He retired and left me, and I quickly changed my own things for those +which had been brought. They were easily put on, as they consisted +simply of one long white robe of a rather heavy make of soft silk, and +a white veil which covered me from head to foot. My attiring took me +but a few minutes, and when all was done I touched the bell by which I +had previously summoned Aselzion. Honorius entered at once--his looks +were grave and preoccupied. + +"If you should not return to this room,"--he said, slowly--"is there +any message--any communication you would like me to convey to your +friends?" + +My heart gave a quick bound. There was some actual danger in store for +me, then? I thought for a moment--then smiled. + +"None!" I answered--"I shall be able to attend to all such personal +matters myself--afterwards!" + +Honorius looked at me, and his handsome but rather stern face was grave +even to melancholy. + +"Do not be too sure!"--he said, in a low tone--"It is not my place to +speak, but few pass the ordeal to which you are about to be subjected. +Only two have passed it in ten years." + +"And one of these two was--?" + +For answer, he pointed to the portrait of Santoris, thus confirming my +instinctive hope and confidence. + +"I am not afraid!" I said--"And I am ready to follow you now wherever +you wish me to go." + +He made no further remark and, turning round, led the way out of the +apartment. + +We went down many stairs and through many corridors,--some dimly lit, +some scarcely illumined at all. The night had now fully come,--and +through one of two of the windows we passed I could see the dark sky +patterned with stars. We came to the domed hall where the fountain +played, and this was illumined by the same strange all-penetrating +light I had previously noticed,--the lovely radiance played on the +spray of the fountain, making the delicate frondage of ferns and palms +and the hues of flowers look like a dream of fairyland. Passing through +the hall, I followed my guide down a dark narrow passage--then I found +myself suddenly alone. Guided by the surging sound of organ music, I +went on,--and all at once saw a broad stream of light pouring out from +the open door of the chapel. Without a moment's hesitation, I +entered--then paused--the symbol of the Cross and Star flamed opposite +to me--and on every side wherever I looked there were men in white +robes with cowls thrown back on their shoulders, all standing in silent +rows, watching me as I came. My heart beat quickly,--my nerves +thrilled--I trembled as I walked, thankful for the veil that partially +protected me from that multitude of eyes!--eyes that looked at me in +wonder, but not unkindly--eyes that mutely asked questions never to be +answered--eyes that said as plainly as though in actual speech--"Why +are you among us?--you, a woman? Why should you have conquered +difficulties which we have still to overcome? Is it pride, defiance, or +ambition with you?--or is it all love?" + +I felt a thousand influences moving around me--the power of many brains +at work silently cross-examined my inner spirit as though it were a +witness in defence of some great argument--but I made up my mind not to +yield to the overpowering nervousness and sudden alarm of my own +position which threatened to shake my self-control. I fixed my eyes on +the glittering symbol of the Cross and Star and moved on slowly--I must +have looked a strangely solitary creature, draped in white like a +victim for sacrifice and walking all alone towards those burning, +darting rays of light which enveloped the whole of the chapel in a +flood of almost blinding splendour. The music still thundered on round +me--and I thought I heard voices far off singing--I could distinguish +words that came falling through the music, like blossoms falling +through rain: + + Into the Light, + Into the heart of the fire! + To the innermost core of the deathless flame + I ascend--I aspire! + Under me rolls the whirling Earth, + With the noise of a myriad wheels that run + Ever round and about the Sun,-- + Over me circles the splendid heaven, + Strewn with the stars of morn and even, + And I, the queen + Of my soul serene, + Float with my rainbow wings unfurled, + Alone with Love, 'twixt God and the world! + +My heart beat rapidly; every nerve in me trembled--yet I went on +resolvedly, not allowing myself to even think of danger. + +And then I saw Aselzion--Aselzion, transfigured into an almost +supernatural beauty of aspect by the radiance which bathed him in its +lustrous glory!--Aselzion, with outstretched hands beckoning me towards +him--and as I approached I instinctively sank on my knees. The music +died away suddenly, and there was a profound silence. I felt, though I +could not see, that the eyes of all present were fixed upon me. And +Aselzion spoke: + +"Rise!" he said--and his voice was clear and imperative--"Not here must +thou kneel--not here must thou rest! Rise and go onward!--thou hast +gone far, but the way is still beyond! The gate of the Last Probation +stands open--enter!--and may God be thy Guide!" + +I rose as he commanded me,--and a dazzling flash of light struck my +eyes as though the heavens had opened. The blazing Cross and Star +became suddenly severed in two separate portions, dividing asunder and +disclosing what seemed to be a Hall of living fire! Flames of every +colour burned vividly, leaping and falling without pause or +cessation,--it was a kind of open furnace in which surely everything +must be consumed! I looked at Aselzion in silent enquiry--not in +fear--and in equally silent answer he pointed to the glowing vault. I +understood--and without another moment's hesitation I advanced towards +it. As in a dream I heard a kind of murmuring behind me--and suppressed +exclamations from the students or disciples of Aselzion who were all +assembled in the chapel--but I paid no heed to this--my whole soul was +set on fulfilling the last task demanded of me. Step by step I went +on--I passed Aselzion with a smile-- + +"Good-bye!" I murmured--"We shall meet again!" + +And then I advanced towards the leaping flames. I felt their hot breath +on my cheeks--the scorching wind of them lifted my hair through the +folds of my veil--an idea came upon me that for some cause or other I +was now to experience that 'Change which men call Death'--and that +through this means I should meet my Beloved on the other side of +life--and with his name on my lips, and a passionate appeal to him in +my heart, I stepped into the glowing fire. + +As I did so, I lost sight of Aselzion--of the chapel and of all those +who watched my movements, and found myself surrounded on all sides by +darting points of light which instead of scorching and withering me +like a blown leaf in a storm, were like cool and fragrant showers +playing all over me! Amazed, I went on--and as I went grew bolder. At +one step I was bathed in a rain of delicate rays like sparkling diamond +and topaz--at another a lovely violet light shrouded me in its rich +hues--at another I walked in melting azure, like the hues of a summer +sky--and the farther in I went the deeper and more glowing was the +light about me. I felt it penetrating every pore of my skin--I held my +hands out to it, and saw them look transparent in the fine +luminance,--and presently, gaining courage, I threw back my veil and +breathed in the radiance, as one breathes the air! My whole body grew +light, and moved as though it floated rather than walked--I looked with +unfatigued, undazzled eyes at the glittering flames that sparkled +harmlessly about me and which changed to lovely shapes of flowers and +leaves beneath my feet, and arched themselves over my head like +branches of shading trees--and then all at once, down the long vista I +caught sight of a Shape like that of an Angel!--an angel that waited +for me with watchful eyes and outstretched arms!--it was but a moment +that I saw this vision, and yet I knew what it meant, and I pressed on +and on with all my Soul rising in me as it were, to go forth and reach +that Companion of itself which stood waiting with such tender patience! +The light around me now changed to waves of intense luminance which +swept upon me like waves of the sea--and I allowed myself to be borne +along with them, I knew not whither. All at once I saw a vast Pillar of +Fire which seemed to block my way,--pausing a moment, I looked and saw +it break asunder and form the Cross and Star!--I gazed upward, +wondering--its rays descending seemed to pierce my eyes, my brain, my +very soul!--I sprang forward, dazed and dazzled, murmuring, "Let this +be the end!" + +Someone caught me in his arms--someone drew me to his breast, holding +me there as if I were the dearest possession of all the world or life +or time could give--and a voice, infinitely tender, answered me-- + +"Not the end, but the Endless, my beloved!--Mine at last, and mine for +ever!--in triumph, in victory, in perfect joy!" + +And then I knew!--I knew that I had found my love!--that it was Rafel +Santoris who thus held me in his close embrace,--that I had fulfilled +my own desire, which was to prove my faith if not my worthiness--that I +had won all I wanted in this world and the next, and that nothing could +ever separate our Souls, one from the other again! This is the deep +eternal ecstasy of a knowledge divinely shared by the very angels of +God, and of such supernal happiness nothing can be said or written! + + * * * + * * + * + +I pen these last words on the deck of the 'Dream' with my Beloved +beside me. The sun is sinking in a glory of crimson--we are about to +anchor in still waters. A rosy light flashes on our wonderful white +sails, which will be presently furled; and we shall sit together, Rafel +and I, watching the night draw its soft dark curtain around us, and the +stars come out in the sky like diamonds embroidered on deep purple +velvet, and listening to the gentle murmur of the little waves breaking +into a rocky corner of the distant shore. And the evening will close on +a day of peace and happiness,--one of the many unwearying, beautiful +days which, like a procession of angels, bring us new and ever more +perfect joy! + +More than a year has elapsed since my 'Probation' in the House of +Aselzion,--since we, my Beloved and I, knelt before the Master and +received his blessing on our eternal union. In that brief time I have +lost all my 'worldly' friends and acquaintances,--who have, if I may so +express it, become afraid of me. Afraid, chiefly, because I possess all +that the world can give me without their advice and assistance--and not +only afraid, but offended, because I have found the Companion of my +Soul with whom they have nothing in common. They look upon me as 'lost +to society' and cannot realise how much such loss is gain! Meanwhile +we, Rafel and I, live our own radiant and happy lives, in full +possession of all that makes life sweet and valuable, and wanting +nothing that our own secret forces cannot supply. Wealth is ours--one +of the least among the countless gifts Nature provides for those among +her children who know where to find her inexhaustible riches--and we +also enjoy the perfect health which accompanies the constant inflowing +of an exhaustless vitality. And though the things we attain seem +'miraculous' to others, so that even while accepting help and benefit +at our hands, they frown and shake their heads at the attitude we +assume towards social hypocrisies and conventions, we are nevertheless +able to create such 'influences' around us, that none come near as +without feeling stronger, better and more content,--and this is the +utmost we are permitted to do for our fellow-creatures, inasmuch as +none will listen to argument, and none will follow advice. The most +ardent soul that ever dwelt in human form cannot lead another soul in +the way of lasting life or lasting happiness if it refuses to go,--and +there is no more absolute truth than this--That each man and each woman +must make his or her own destiny both here and hereafter. This is the +Law which changes not and which can never be subject to the slightest +variation. Forgiveness of sins there is none--since every trespass +against law carries its own punishment. Necessity for prayer there is +none,--since every faithful wish and desire of the Soul is granted +without parley. Necessity for praise there is much!--since the Soul +lives and grows in the glory of its Creator. And the whole Secret of +Everlasting Life and Happiness is contained in the full possession and +control of the Divine Centre of ourselves--this 'Radia' or living +flame, which must be DUAL in order to be perfect, and which in its +completed state, is an eternal Force which nothing can destroy and +nothing can resist. All Nature harmonises with its action, and from +Nature it draws its perpetual sustenance and increasing power. + +To me, and my Beloved, the world is a garden of paradise--rich with +beauty and delight. We live in it as a part of its loveliness--we draw +into our own organisations the warmth of the sunlight, the glory of +colour, the songs of sweet birds, the fragrance of flowers, and the +exquisite vibrations of the light and air. Like two notes of a perfect +chord we sound our lives on the keyboard of the Infinite--and we know +that the music will become fuller and sweeter as the eternal seasons +roll on. If it is asked why there should have been any necessity to +pass through the psychic ordeal imposed on me by Aselzion, I +reply--Look at the world in which men and women generally live, and say +frankly whether its ways are such as to engender happiness! Look at +society--look at politics--look at commerce--all mere schemes for +self-aggrandisement! And more than all, look at the Sham of modern +religion! Is it not too often a mere blasphemy and affront to the +majesty of the Divine? And are not many, if not all these mistakes +against Nature,--these offences against eternal Law,--the result of +Man's own 'influence' working in opposition to the very decrees of God, +which he disobeys even while recognising that they exist? + +The chief point of Aselzion's instruction was the test of the Brain and +Soul against 'influences'--the opposing influences of others--and this +is truly the chief hindrance to all spiritual progress. The coward +sentiment of fear itself is born in us through the influence of +timorous persons--and it is generally the dread of what 'other people +will say' or what 'other people will think' that holds us back from +performing many a noble action. It should be thoroughly understood that +in the eternal advancement of one's own Soul 'other people' and their +influences are hindrances to progress. It does not matter a jot what +anybody thinks or says, provided the central altar of one's own +Spirituality is clear and clean for the steadfast burning of the dual +flame of Life and Love. All opinion, all criticism becomes absurd in +such matters as these and absolutely worthless. + +It does not affect me that anyone outside my sphere of thought should +be incredulous of my beliefs,--nor can it move me from my happiness to +know that persons who live their lives on a lower plane consider me a +fool for electing to live mine on the highest. I take joy in the fact +that even in so selfish and material an age as this, Aselzion still has +his students and disciples,--a mere handful out of the million, it is +true, but still sufficient to keep the beautiful truth of the Soul's +power alive and helpful to the chosen few. For such who have studied +these truths and have mastered them sufficiently to practise them in +the ordinary round of existence, Life presents an ever living +happiness--and offers daily proof that there is no such thing as Death. +Youth remains where Love is, and Beauty stays with health and vitality. +Decay and destruction are changes which are brought about by apathy of +the Will and indifference to the Soul's existence, and the same Law +which gives the Soul its supreme sovereignty equally works for its +release from effete and inactive substances. + +To those who would ask me how I am able to hold and keep the treasures +of life, love and youth, which the majority of mankind are for ever +losing, I answer that I can say no more than I have said, and the +lesson which all may learn is contained in what I have written. It is +no use arguing with those whom no argument will convince, or trying to +teach those who will not be taught. We--my Beloved and I--can only +prove the truth of the Soul's absolute command over all spiritual, +material and elemental forces by our One life and the way we live +it--we, to whom everything that is necessary and desirable for our +progress, comes on demand,--we, whom Science serves as an Aladdin's +lamp, realising every imaginable delight--we, with whom Love, which +with many human beings is judged the most variable and transitory of +emotions, is the very Principle of Life, the very essence of the waves +of the air through which we move and have our being. The attainment of +such happiness as ours is possible to all, but there is only One Way of +Attainment, and the clue to that Way is in the Soul of each individual +human being. Each one must find it and follow it, regardless of all +'influences' which may be brought to bear on his or her actions,--each +one must discover the Centre-poise of Life's movement, and firmly abide +by it. It is the Immortal Creature in each one of us whose destiny is +to make eternal progress and advancement through endless phases of +life, love and beauty, and when once we know and admit the actual +existence of this Immortal Centre we shall realise that with it all +things are possible, save Death. Radiating outward from itself, it can +preserve the health and youth of the body it inhabits indefinitely, +till of its own desire it seeks a higher plane of action,--radiating +inwardly, it is an irresistible attractive force drawing to itself the +powers and virtues of the planet on which it dwells, and making all the +forces of visible and invisible Nature subject to its will and command. +This is one of those great Truths which the world denies, but which it +is destined to learn within the next two thousand years. + +If anyone should desire to know the fate of Motion Harland and his +daughter, that fate has been precisely what they themselves brought +about by their way of life and action. Morton Harland himself 'died,' +as the world puts it, of a painful and lingering disease which could +have been cured had he chosen to take the means offered to him through +Rafel Santoris. He did not choose,--therefore the end was inevitable. +Catherine married Dr. Brayle, and they two now live a sufficiently +wretched life together,--she, a moping, querulous invalid, and he as a +'society' physician, possessed of great wealth and the position wealth +brings. We never meet,--our ways are now for ever sundered. Mine is the +upward and onward path--and with my Beloved I ascend the supernal +heights where the Shadow of Evil never falls, and where the Secret of +Life is centred in the Spirit of Love. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Life Everlasting: A Reality of +Romance, by Marie Corelli + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LIFE EVERLASTING *** + +***** This file should be named 4251.txt or 4251.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/4/2/5/4251/ + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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THE UNKNOWN DEEP + XX. INTO THE LIGHT + + + + +THE LIFE EVERLASTING + +A REALITY OF ROMANCE + + + + +AUTHOR'S PROLOGUE + + +In the Gospels of the only Divine Friend this world has ever had or +ever will have, we read of a Voice, a 'Voice in the Wilderness.' +There have been thousands of such Voices;--most of them ineffectual. +All through the world's history their echoes form a part of the +universal record, and from the very beginning of time they have +sounded forth their warnings or entreaties in vain. The Wilderness +has never cared to hear them. The Wilderness does not care to hear +them now. + +Why, then, do I add an undesired note to the chorus of rejected +appeal? How dare I lift up my voice in the Wilderness, when other +voices, far stronger and sweeter, are drowned in the laughter of +fools and the mockery of the profane? Truly, I do not know. But I am +sure that I am not moved by egotism or arrogance. It is simply out +of love and pity for suffering human kind that I venture to become +another Voice discarded--a voice which, if heard at all, may only +serve to awaken the cheap scorn and derision of the clowns of the +piece. + +Yet, should this be so, I would not have it otherwise, I have never +at any time striven to be one with the world, or to suit my speech +pliantly to the conventional humour of the moment. I am often +attacked, yet am not hurt; I am equally often praised, and am not +elated. I have no time to attend to the expression of opinions, +which, whether good or bad, are to me indifferent. And whatever pain +I have felt or feel, in experiencing human malice, has been, and is, +in the fact that human malice should exist at all,--not for its +attempted wrong towards myself. For I, personally speaking, have not +a moment to waste among the mere shadows of life which are not Life +itself. I follow the glory,--not the gloom. + +So whether you, who wander in darkness of your own making, care to +come towards the little light which leads me onward, or whether you +prefer to turn away from me altogether into your self-created darker +depths, is not my concern. I cannot force you to bear me company. +God Himself cannot do that, for it is His Will and Law that each +human soul shall shape its own eternal future. No one mortal can +make the happiness or salvation of another. I, like yourselves, am +in the 'Wilderness,'--but I know that there are ways of making it +blossom like the rose! Yet,--were all my heart and all my love +outpoured upon you, I could not teach you the Divine transfiguring +charm,--unless you, equally with all your hearts and all your love, +resolutely and irrevocably WILLED to learn. + +Nevertheless, despite your possible indifference,--your often sheer +inertia--I cannot pass you by, having peace and comfort for myself +without at least offering to share that peace and comfort with you. +Many of you are very sad,--and I would rather you were happy. Your +ways of living are trivial and unsatisfactory--your so-called +'pleasant' vices lead you into unforeseen painful perplexities--your +ideals of what may be best for your own enjoyment and advancement +fall far short of your dreams,--your amusements pall on your over- +wearied senses,--your youth hurries away like a puff of thistledown +on the wind,--and you spend all your time feverishly in trying to +live without understanding Life. Life, the first of all things, the +essence of all things,--Life which is yours to hold and to keep, and +to RE-CREATE over and over again in your own persons,--this precious +jewel you throw away, and when it falls out of your possession by +your own act, you think such an end was necessary and inevitable. +Poor unhappy mortals! So self-sufficient, so proud, so ignorant! +Like some foolish rustic, who, finding a diamond, sees no difference +between it and a bit of glass, you, with the whole Universe sweeping +around you in mighty beneficent circles of defensive, protective and +ever re-creative power,--power which is yours to use and to control- +-imagine that the entire Cosmos is the design of mere blind +unintelligent Chance, and that the Divine Life which thrills within +you serves no purpose save to lead you to Death! Most wonderful and +most pitiful it is that such folly, such blasphemy should still +prevail,--and that humanity should still ascribe to the Almighty +Creator less wisdom and less love than that with which He has +endowed His creatures. For the very first lesson in the beginning of +knowledge is that Life is the essential Being of God, and that each +individual intelligent outcome of Life is deathless as God Himself. + +The 'Wilderness' is wide,--and within it we all find ourselves,-- +some wandering far astray--some crouching listlessly among shadows, +too weary to move at all--others, sauntering along in idle +indifference, now and then vaguely questioning how soon and where +the journey will end,--and few ever discovering that it is not a +'Wilderness' at all, but a garden of sweet sights and sounds, where +every day should be a glory and every night a benediction. For when +the veil of mere Appearances has been lifted we are no longer +deceived into accepting what Seems for what Is. The Reality of Life +is Happiness;--the Delusion of Life, which we ourselves create by +improper balance and imperfect comprehension of our own powers, must +needs cause Sorrow, because in such self-deception we only dimly see +the truth, just as a person born blind may vaguely guess at the +beauty of bright day. But for the Soul that has found Itself, there +are no more misleading lights or shadows between its own +everlastingness and the everlastingness of God. + +All the world over there are religions of various kinds, more or +less suited to the various types and races of humanity. Most of +these forms of faith have been evolved from the brooding brain of +Man himself, and have nothing 'divine,' in them. In the very early +ages nearly all the religious creeds were mere methods for +terrorising the ignorant and the weak--and some of them were so +revolting, so bloodthirsty and brutal, that one cannot now read of +them without a shudder of repulsion. Nevertheless, from the very +first dawn of his intelligence, man appears always to have felt the +necessity of believing in something stronger and more lasting than +himself,--and his first gropings for truth led him to evolve +desperate notions of something more cruel, more relentless, and more +wicked than himself, rather than ideals of something more beautiful, +more just, more faithful and more loving than he could be. The dawn +of Christianity brought the first glimmering suggestion that a +gospel of love and pity might be more serviceable in the end to the +needs of the world, than a ruthless code of slaughter and vengeance- +-though history shows us that the annals of Christianity itself are +stained with crime and shamed by the shedding of innocent blood. +Only in these latter days has the world become faintly conscious of +the real Force working behind and through all things--the soul of +the Divine, or the Psychic element, animating and inspiring all +visible and invisible Nature. This soul of the Divine--this Psychic +element, however, is almost entirely absent from the teaching of the +Christian creed to-day, with the result that the creed itself is +losing its power. I venture to say that a very small majority of the +millions of persons worshipping in the various forms of the +Christian Church really and truly believe what they publicly +profess. Clergy and laity alike are tainted with this worst of all +hypocrisies--that of calling God to witness their faith when they +know they are faithless. It may be asked how I dare to make such an +assertion? I dare, because I know! It would be impossible to the +people of this or any other country to honestly believe the +Christian creed, and yet continue to live as they do. Their lives +give the lie to their avowed religion, and it is this daily +spectacle of the daily life of governments, trades, professions and +society which causes me to feel that the general aspect of +Christendom at the present day, with all its Churches and solemn +observances, is one of the most painful and profound hypocrisy. You +who read this page,--(possibly with indignation) you call yourself a +Christian, no doubt. But ARE you? Do you truly think that when death +shall come to you it is really NOT death, but the simple transition +into another and better life? Do you believe in the actual +immortality of your soul, and do you realise what it means? You do? +You are quite sure? Then, do you live as one convinced of it? Are +you quite indifferent to the riches and purely material advantages +of this world?--are you as happy in poverty as in wealth, and are +you independent of social esteem? Are you bent on the very highest +and most unselfish ideals of life and conduct? I do not say you are +not; I merely ask if you ARE. If your answer is in the affirmative, +do not give the lie to your creed by your daily habits, conversation +and manners; for this is what thousands of professing Christians do, +and the clergy are by no means exempt. + +I know very well, of course, that I must not expect your +appreciation, or even your attention, in matters purely spiritual. +The world is too much with you, and you become obstinate of opinion +and rooted in prejudice. Nevertheless, as I said before, this is not +my concern. Your moods are not mine, and with your prejudices I have +nothing to do. My creed is drawn from Nature--Nature, just, +invincible, yet tender--Nature, who shows us that Life, as we know +it now, at this very time and in this very world, is a blessing so +rich in its as yet unused powers and possibilities, that it may be +truly said of the greater majority of human beings that scarce one +of them has ever begun to learn HOW to live. + +Shakespeare, the greatest human exponent of human nature at its best +and worst,--the profound Thinker and Artist who dealt boldly with +the facts of good and evil as they truly are,--and did not hesitate +to contrast them forcibly, without any of the deceptive 'half-tones' +of vice and virtue which are the chief stock-in-trade of such modern +authors as we may call 'degenerates,'--makes his Hamlet exclaim:-- + + "What a piece of work is man!--how noble in + reason!--how infinite in faculty!--in form and moving + how express and admirable!--in action how like an + angel!--in apprehension how like a god!" + +Let us consider two of these designations in particular: 'How +infinite in faculty!'--and 'In apprehension how like a god!' The +sentences are prophetic, like so many of Shakespeare's utterances. +They foretell the true condition of the Soul of Man when it shall +have discovered its capabilities. 'Infinite in faculty'--that is to +say--Able to do all it shall WILL to do. There is no end to this +power,--no hindrance in either earth or heaven to its resolute +working--no stint to the life-supplies on which it may draw +unceasingly. And--'in apprehension how like a god!' Here the word +'apprehension' is used in the sense of attaining knowledge,--to +learn, or to 'apprehend' wisdom. It means, of course, that if the +Soul's capability of 'apprehending' or learning the true meaning and +use of every fact and circumstance which environs its existence, +were properly perceived and applied, then the 'Image of God' in +which the Creator made humanity, would become the veritable likeness +of the Divine. + +But, as this powerful and infinite faculty of apprehension is seldom +if ever rightly understood, and as Man generally concentrates his +whole effort upon ministering to his purely material needs, utterly +ignoring and wilfully refusing to realise those larger claims which +are purely spiritual, he presents the appearance of a maimed and +imperfect object,--a creature who, having strong limbs, declines to +use the same, or who, possessing incalculable wealth, crazily +considers himself a pauper. Jesus Christ, whom we may look upon as a +human Incarnation of Divine Thought, an outcome and expression of +the 'Word' or Law of God, came to teach us our true position in the +scale of the great Creative and Progressive Purpose,--but in the +days of His coming men would not listen,--nor will they listen even +now. They say with their mouths, but they do not believe with their +hearts, that He rose from the dead,--and they cannot understand +that, as a matter of fact, He never died. seeing that death for Him +(as for all who have mastered the inward constitution and +commingling of the elements) was impossible. His real LIFE was not +injured or affected by the agony on the Cross, or by His three days' +entombment; the one was a torture to His physical frame, which to +the limited perception of those who watched Him 'die,' as they +thought, appeared like a dissolution of the whole Man,--the other +was the mere rest and silence necessary for what is called the +'miracle' of the Resurrection, but which was simply the natural +rising of the same Body, the atoms of which were re-invested and +made immortal by the imperishable Spirit which owned and held them +in being. The whole life and so-called 'death' of Christ was and is +a great symbolic lesson to mankind of the infinite power of THAT +within us which we call SOUL,--but which we may perhaps in these +scientific days term an eternal radio-activity,--capable of +exhaustless energy and of readjustment to varying conditions. Life +is all Life. There is no such thing as Death in its composition,-- +and the intelligent comprehension of its endless ways and methods of +change and expression, is the Secret of the Universe. + +It appears to be generally accepted that we are not to know this +Secret,--that it is too vast and deep for our limited capacities,-- +and that even if we did know it, it would be of no use to us, as we +are bound hard and fast by certain natural and elemental laws over +which we have no control. Old truisms are re-stated and violently +asserted--namely, that our business is merely to be born, to live, +breed and arrange things as well as we can for those who come after +us, and then to die, and there an end,--a stupid round of existence +not one whit higher than that of the silkworm. Is it for such a +monotonous, commonplace way of life and purpose as this, that +humanity has been endowed with 'infinite faculty'? Is it for such +poor aims and ends as these that we are told in the legended account +of the beginning of things, to 'Replenish the earth and subdue it'? +There is great meaning in that command--'Subdue it!' The business of +each one of us who has come into the knowledge and possession of his +or her own Soul, is to 'subdue' the earth,--that is, to hold it and +all it contains under subjection,--not to allow Its forces, whether +interior or exterior, to subdue the Soul. But it may perhaps be +said:--"We do not yet understand all the forces with which we have +to contend, and in this way they master us." That may be so,--but if +it is so with any of you, it is quite your own fault. Your own +fault, I say,--for there is no power, human or divine, that compels +you to remain in ignorance. Each one of you has a master--talisman +and key to all locked doors. No State education can do for you what +you might do for yourselves, if you only had the WILL. It is your +own choice entirely if you elect to live in subjection to the earth, +instead of placing the earth under subjection to your dominance. + +Then, again, you have been told to 'Replenish the earth'--as well as +to subdue it. In these latter days, through a cupidity as amazing as +criminal, you are not 'replenishing' so much as impoverishing the +earth, and think you that no interest will be exacted for your +reckless plunder? You mistake! You complain of the high taxes +imposed upon you by your merely material and ephemeral Governments,- +-but you forget that the Everlasting Government of all Worlds +demands an even higher rate of compensation for such wrong or +injurious uses as you make of this world, which was and is intended +to serve as a place of training for the development and perfection +of the whole human race, but which, owing to personal greed and +selfishness, is too often turned into a mere grave for the interment +of faulty civilisations. + +In studying the psychic side of life it should be well and +distinctly understood that THERE IS AN EVER LIVING SPIRIT WITHIN +EACH ONE OF US;--a Spirit for which there is no limited capacity and +no unfavourable surroundings. Its capacity is infinite as God,--and +its surroundings are always made by Itself. It is its own Heaven,-- +and once established within that everlasting centre, it radiates +from the Inward to the Outward, thus making its own environment, not +only now but for ever. It is its own Life,--and in the active work +of perpetually re-generating and re-creating itself, knows nothing +of Death. + + * * * + * * + * + +I must now claim the indulgence of those among my readers who +possess the rare gift of patience, for anything that may seem too +personal in the following statement which I feel it almost necessary +to make on the subject of my own "psychic" creed. I am so often +asked if I believe this or that, if I am "orthodox," if I am a +sceptic, materialist or agnostic, that I should like, if possible, +to make things clear between myself and these enquirers. Therefore I +may say at once that my belief in God and the immortality of the +Soul is absolute,--but that I did not attain to the faith I hold +without hard training and bitter suffering. This need not be dwelt +upon, being past. I began to write when I was too young to know +anything of the world's worldly ways, and when I was too +enthusiastic and too much carried away by the splendour and beauty +of the spiritual ideal to realise the inevitable derision and scorn +which are bound to fall upon untried explorers into the mysteries of +the unseen; yet it was solely on account of a strange psychical +experience which chanced to myself when I stood upon the threshold +of what is called 'life' that I found myself producing my first +book, "A Romance of Two Worlds." It was a rash experiment, but it +was the direct result of an initiation into some few of the truths +behind the veil of the Seeming Real. I did not then know why I was +selected for such an 'initiation'--and I do not know even now. It +arose quite naturally out of a series of ordinary events which might +happen to anyone. I was not compelled or persuaded into it, for, +being alone in the world and more or less friendless, I had no +opportunity to seek advice or assistance from any person as to the +course of life or learning I should pursue. And I learned what I did +learn because of my own unwavering intention and WILL to be +instructed. + +I should here perhaps explain the tenor of the instruction which was +gradually imparted to me in just such measures of proportion as I +was found to be receptive. The first thing I was taught was how to +bring every feeling and sense into close union with the spirit of +Nature. Nature, I was told, is the reflection of the working-mind of +the Creator--and any opposition to that working-mind on the part of +any living organism It has created cannot but result in disaster. +Pursuing this line of study, a wonderful vista of perpetual +revealment was opened to me. I saw how humanity, moved by gross +egoism, has in every age of the world ordained laws and morals for +itself which are the very reverse of Nature's teaching--I saw how, +instead of helping the wheel of progress and wisdom onward, man +reverses it by his obstinacy and turns it backward even on the very +point of great attainment--and I was able to perceive how the +sorrows and despairs of the world are caused by this one simple +fact--Man working AGAINST Nature--while Nature, ever divine and +invincible, pursues her God-appointed course, sweeping her puny +opponents aside and inflexibly carrying out her will to the end. And +I learned how true it is that if Man went WITH her instead of +AGAINST her, there would be no more misunderstanding of the laws of +the Universe, and that where there is now nothing but discord, all +would be divinest harmony. + +My first book, "A Romance of Two Worlds," was an eager, though +crude, attempt to explain and express something of what I myself had +studied on some of these subjects, though, as I have already said, +my mind was unformed and immature, and, therefore, I was not +permitted to disclose more than a glimmering of the light I was +beginning to perceive. My own probation--destined to be a severe +one--had only just been entered upon; and hard and fast limits were +imposed on me for a certain time. I was forbidden, for example, to +write of radium, that wonderful 'discovery' of the immediate hour, +though it was then, and had been for a long period, perfectly well +known to my instructors, who possessed all the means of extracting +it from substances as yet undreamed of by latter-day scientists. I +was only permitted to hint at it under the guise of the word +'Electricity'--which, after all, was not so much of a misnomer, +seeing that electric force displays itself in countless millions of +forms. My "Electric Theory of the Universe" in the "Romance of Two +Worlds" foreran the utterance of the scientist who in the "Hibbert +Journal" for January, 1905, wrote as follows:--"The last years have +seen the dawn of a revolution in science as great as that which in +the sphere of religion overthrew the many gods and crowned the One. +Matter, as we have understood it, there is none, nor probably +anywhere the individual atom. The so-called atoms are systems of +ELECTRONIC corpuscles, bound together by their mutual forces too +firmly for any human contrivance completely to sunder them,--alike +in their electric composition, differing only in the rhythms of +their motion. ELECTRICITY is all things, and all things are +ELECTRIC." + +THIS WAS PRECISELY MY TEACHING IN THE FIRST BOOK I EVER WROTE. I was +ridiculed for it, of course,--and I was told that there was no +'spiritual' force in electricity. I differ from this view; but +'radio-activity' is perhaps the better, because the truer term to +employ in seeking to describe the Germ or Embryo of the Soul, for-- +as scientists have proved--"Radium is capable of absorbing from +surrounding bodies SOME UNKNOWN FORM OF ENERGY which it can render +evident as heat and light." This is precisely what the radio- +activity in each individual soul of each individual human being is +ordained to do,--to absorb an 'unknown form of energy which it can +render evident as heat and light.' Heat and Light are the +composition of Life;--and the Life which this radio-activity of Soul +generates IN itself and OF itself, can never die. Or, as I wrote in +"A Romance of Two Worlds "--"Like all flames, this electric (or +radiant) spark can either be fanned into a fire, or allowed to +escape in air,--IT CAN NEVER BE DESTROYED." And again, from the same +book: "All the wonders of Nature are the result of LIGHT AND HEAT +ALONE." Paracelsus, as early as about 1526, made guarded mention of +the same substance or quality, describing it thus:--"The more of the +humour of life it has, the more of the spirit of life abounds in +that life." Though truly this vital radio-active force lacks all +fitting name. To material science radium, or radium chloride, is a +minute salt crystal, so rare and costly to obtain that it may be +counted as about three thousand times the price of gold in the +market. But of the action of PURE radium, the knowledge of ordinary +scientific students is nil. They know that an infinitely small spark +of radium salt will emit heat and light continuously without any +combustion or change in its own structure. And I would here quote a +passage from a lecture delivered by one of our prominent scientists +in 1904. "Details concerning the behaviour of several radio-active +bodies were detected, as, for example, their activity was not +constant; it gradually grew in strength, BUT THE GROWN PORTION OF +THE ACTIVITY COULD BE BLOWN AWAY, AND THE BLOWN AWAY PART RETAINED +ITS ACTIVITY ONLY FOR A TIME. It decayed in a few days or weeks,-- +WHEREAS THE RADIUM ROSE IN STRENGTH AGAIN AT THE SAME RATE THAT THE +OTHER DECAYED. And so on constantly. It was as if a NEW FORM of +matter was constantly being produced, and AS IF THE RADIO-ACTIVITY +WAS A CONCOMITANT OF THE CHANGE OF FORM. It was also found that +radium kept on producing heat de novo so as to keep itself always a +fraction of a degree ABOVE THE SURROUNDING TEMPERATURE; also that it +spontaneously PRODUCED ELECTRICITY." + +Does this teach no lesson on the resurrection of the dead? Of the +'blown away part' which decays in a few days or weeks?--of the +'Radia' or 'Radiance' of the Soul, rising in strength again AT THE +SAME RATE that the other, the Body, or 'grown portion of the +activity,' decays? Of the 'new form of matter' and the 'radio- +activity as a concomitant of the CHANGE OF FORM'? Does not Science +here almost unwittingly verify the words of St. Paul:--"It is sown a +natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural +body, and there is a spiritual body"? There is nothing impossible or +'miraculous' in such a consummation, even according to modern +material science,--it is merely the natural action of PURE radio- +activity or that etherical composition for which we have no name, +but which we have vaguely called the SOUL for countless ages. + +To multitudes of people this expression 'the Soul' has become +overfamiliar by constant repetition, and conveys little more than +the suggestion of a myth, or the hint of an Imaginary Existence. Now +there is nothing in the whole Universe so REAL as the Vital Germ of +the actual Form and Being of the living, radiant, active Creature +within each one of us,--the creature who, impressed and guided by +our Free Will, works out its own delight or doom. The WILL of each +man or woman is like the compass of a ship,--where it points, the +ship goes. If the needle directs it to the rocks, there is wreck and +disaster,--if to the open sea, there is clear sailing. God leaves +the WILL of man at perfect liberty. His Divine Love neither +constrains nor compels. We must Ourselves learn the ways of Right +and Wrong, and having learned, we must choose. We must injure +Ourselves. God will not injure us. We invite our own miseries. God +does not send them. The evils and sorrows that afflict mankind are +of mankind's own making. Even in natural catastrophes, which ruin +cities and devastate countries, it is well to remember that Nature, +which is the MATERIAL EXPRESSION of the mind of God, will not +tolerate too long a burden of human iniquity. Nature destroys what +is putrescent; she covers it up with fresh earth on which healthier +things may find place to grow. + +I tried to convey some hint of these truths in my "Romance of Two +Worlds." Some few gave heed,--others wrote to me from all parts of +the world concerning what they called my 'views' on the subjects +treated of,--some asked to be 'initiated' into my 'experience' of +the Unseen,--but many of my correspondents (I say it with regret) +were moved by purely selfish considerations for their own private +and particular advancement, and showed, by the very tone of their +letters, not only an astounding hypocrisy, but also the good opinion +they entertained of their own worthiness, their own capabilities, +and their own great intellectuality, forgetful of the words:-- +"Except ye become as little children, ye shall not enter into the +Kingdom of Heaven." + +Now the spirit of a little child is receptive and trustful. It has +no desire for argument, and it is instinctively confident that it +will not be led into unnecessary difficulty or danger by its +responsible guardians. This is the spirit in which, if we are +sincere in our seeking for knowledge, we should and must approach +the deeper psychological mysteries of Nature. But as long as we +interpose the darkness of personal doubt and prejudice between +ourselves and the Light Eternal no progress can be made,--and every +attempt to penetrate into the Holy of Holies will be met and thrust +back by that 'flaming Sword' which from the beginning, as now, turns +every way to guard the Tree of Life. + +Knowing this, and seeing that Self was the stumbling-block with most +of my correspondents, I was anxious to write another book at once, +also in the guise of a romance, to serve as a little lamp of love +whereby my readers might haply discover the real character of the +obstacle which blocked their way to an intelligent Soul-advancement. +But the publisher I had at the time (the late Mr. George Bentley) +assured me that if I wrote another 'spiritualistic' book, I should +lose the public hearing I had just gained. I do not know why he had +formed this opinion, but as he was a kindly personal friend, and +took a keen interest in my career, never handing any manuscript of +mine over to his 'reader,' but always reading it himself, I felt it +incumbent upon me, as a young beginner, to accept the advice which I +knew could only be given with the very best intentions towards me. +To please him, therefore, and to please the particular public to +which he had introduced me, I wrote something entirely different,--a +melodramatic tale entitled: "Vendetta: The Story of One Forgotten." +The book made a certain stir, and Mr. Bentley next begged me to try +'a love-story, pur et simple' (I quote from his own letter). The +result was my novel of "Thelma," which achieved a great popular +success and still remains a favourite work with a large majority of +readers. I then considered myself free to move once more upon the +lines which my study of psychic forces had convinced me were of pre- +eminent importance. And moved by a strong conviction that men and +women are hindered from attaining their full heritage of life by the +obstinate interposition of their merely material Selves, I wrote +"Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self." The plan of this book was +partially suggested by the following passages from the Second +Apocryphal Book of Esdras:-- + +"Go into a field of flowers where no house is builded. And pray unto +the Highest continually, then will I come and talk with thee. So I +went my way into the field which is called Ardath, like as he +commanded me, and there I sat among the flowers." + +In this field the Prophet sees the vision of a woman. + +"And it came to pass while I was talking with her, behold her face +upon a sudden shined exceedingly and her countenance glistened, so +that I was afraid of her and mused what it might be. And I looked, +and behold the woman appeared unto me no more, but there was a city +builded, and a large place showed itself from the foundations." + +On this I raised the fabric of my own "Dream City," and sought to +elucidate some of the meaning of that great text in Ecclesiastes +which contains in itself all the philosophy of the ages: "That which +Hath Been is Now; and that which is To Be hath already Been; and God +requireth that which is Past." + +The book, however, so my publisher Mr. Bentley told me in a series +of letters which I still possess, and which show how keen was his +own interest in my work, was 'entirely over the heads of the general +public.' His opinion was, no doubt, correct, as "Ardath" still +remains the least 'popular' of any book I have ever written. +Nevertheless it brought me the unsought and very generous praise of +the late Poet Laureate, Alfred Lord Tennyson, as well as the equally +unsought good opinion and personal friendship of the famous +statesman, William Ewart Gladstone, while many of the better-class +literary journals vied with one another in according me an almost +enthusiastic eulogy. Such authorities as the "Athenaeum" and +"Spectator" praised the whole conception and style of the work, the +latter journal going as far as to say that I had beaten Beckford's +famous "Vathek" on its own ground. + +Whatever may now be the consensus of opinion on its merits or +demerits, I know and feel it to be one of my most worthy attempts, +even though it is not favoured by the million. It does not appeal to +anything 'of the moment' merely, because there are very few people +who can or will understand that if the Soul or 'Radia' of a human +being is so forgetful of its highest origin as to cling to its human +Self only (events the hero of "Ardath" clung to the Shadow of his +Former Self and to the illusory pictures of that Former Self's +pleasures and vices and vanities) then the way to the eternal +Happier Progress is barred. There is yet another intention in this +book which seems to be missed by the casual reader, namely,--That +each human soul is a germ of SEPARATE and INDIVIDUAL spiritual +existence. Even as no two leaves are exactly alike on any tree, and +no two blades of grass are precisely similar, so no two souls +resemble each other, but are wholly different, endowed with +different gifts and different capacities. Individuality is strongly +insisted upon in material Nature. And why? Because material Nature +is merely the reflex or mirror of the more strongly insistent +individuality of psychic form. Again, psychic form is generated from +a divinely eternal psychic substance,--a 'radia' or emanation of +God's own Being which, as it progresses onward through endless aeons +of constantly renewed vitality, grows more and more powerful, +changing its shape often, but never its everlasting composition and +quality. Therefore, all the experiences of the 'Soul' or psychic +form, from its first entrance into active consciousness, whether in +this world or in other worlds, are attracted to itself by its own +inherent volition, and work together to make it what it is now and +what it will be hereafter. + +That is what "Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self" seeks to explain, +and I have nothing to take back from what I have written in its +pages. In its experimental teaching it is the natural and intended +sequence of "A Romance of Two Worlds," and was meant to assist the +studies of the many who had written to me asking for help. And +despite the fact that some of these persons, owing to an inherent +incapacity for concentrated thought upon any subject, found it too +'difficult' as they said, for casual reading, its reception was +sufficiently encouraging to decide me on continuing to press upon +public attention the theories therein set forth. "The Soul of +Lilith" was, therefore, my next venture,--a third link in the chain +I sought to weave between the perishable materialism of our ordinary +conceptions of life, and the undying spiritual quality of life as it +truly is. In this I portrayed the complete failure that must +inevitably result from man's prejudice and intellectual pride when +studying the marvellous mysteries of what I would call the Further +World,--that is to say, the 'Soul' of the world which is hidden +deeply behind its external Appearance,--and how impossible it is and +ever must be that any 'Soul' should visibly manifest itself where +there is undue attachment to the body. The publication of the book +was a very interesting experience. It was and is still less +'popular' than "Ardath"--but it has been gladly welcomed by a +distinctly cultured minority of persons famous in art, science and +literature, whose good opinion is well worth having. With this +reward I was perfectly content, but my publisher was not so easily +pleased. He wanted something that would 'sell' better. To relieve +his impatience, therefore, I wrote a more or less 'sensational' +novel dealing with the absinthe drinkers of Paris, entitled +"Wormwood," which did a certain amount of good in its way, by +helping to call public attention to the devastation wrought by the +use of the pernicious drug among the French and other Continental +peoples--and after this, receiving a strong and almost imperative +impetus towards that particular goal whither my mind was set, I went +to work again with renewed vigour on my own favourite and long +studied line of argument, indifferent alike to publisher or public. +Filled with the fervour of a passionate and proved faith, I wrote +"Barabbas: A Dream of the World's Tragedy,"--and this was the signal +of separation from my excellent old friend, George Bentley, who had +not the courage to publish a poetic romance which introduced, albeit +with a tenderness and reverence unspeakable, so far as my own +intention was concerned, the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ. +He wrote to me expressing his opinion in these terms:--"I can +conscientiously praise the power and feeling you exhibit for your +vast subject, and the rush and beauty of the language, and above all +I feel that the book is the genuine outcome of a fervent faith all +too rare in these days, but--I fear its effect on the public mind." +Yet, when urged to a given point in the discussion, he could not +deny that 'the effect on the public mind' of the Passion Play at +Ober-Ammergau is generally impressive and helpful, while he was +bound to admit that there was something to be said for the +introduction of Divine personages in the epic romances of Milton and +Dante. What could be written in poetic verse did not, however, seem +to him suitable for poetic prose, and I did not waste words in +argument, as I knew the time had come for the parting of the ways. I +sought my present publisher, Mr. Methuen, who, being aware, from a +business point of view, that I had now won a certain reputation, +took "Barabbas" without parley. It met with an almost unprecedented +success, not only in this country but all over the world. Within a +few months it was translated into every known European language, +inclusive even of modern Greek, and nowhere perhaps has it awakened +a wider interest than in India, where it is published in Hindustani, +Gujarati, and various other Eastern dialects. Its notable triumph +was achieved despite a hailstorm of abuse rattled down upon me by +the press,--a hailstorm which I, personally, found welcome and +refreshing, inasmuch as it cleared the air and cleaned the road for +my better wayfaring. It released me once and for all from the +trammels of such obligation as is incurred by praise, and set me +firmly on my feet in that complete independence which to me (and to +all who seek what I have found) is a paramount necessity. For, as +Thomas a Kempis writes: "Whosoever neither desires to please men nor +fears to displease them shall enjoy much peace." I took my freedom +gratefully, and ever since that time of unjust and ill-considered +attack from persons who were too malignantly minded to even read the +work they vainly endeavoured to destroy, have been happily +indifferent to all so-called 'criticism' and immune from all +attempts to interrupt my progress or turn me back upon my chosen +way. From henceforth I recognised that no one could hinder or oppose +me but myself--and that I had the making, tinder God, of my own +destiny. I followed up "Barabbas" as quickly as possible by "The +Sorrows of Satan," thus carrying out the preconceived intention I +had always had of depicting, first, the martyrdom which is always +the world's guerdon to Absolute Good,--and secondly, the awful, +unimaginable torture which must, by Divine Law, for ever be the lot +of Absolute Evil. + +The two books carried their message far and wide with astonishing +success and swiftness, and I then drew some of my threads of former +argument together in "The Master Christian," wherein I depicted +Christ as a Child, visiting our world again as it is to-day and +sorrowfully observing the wickedness which men practise in His Name. +This book was seized upon by thousands of readers in all countries +of the world with an amazing avidity which proved how deep was the +longing for some clear exposition of faith that might console as +well as command,--and after its publication I decided to let it take +its own uninterrupted course for a time and to change my own line of +work to lighter themes, lest I should be set down as 'spiritualist' +or 'theosophist,' both of which terms have been brought into +contempt by tricksters. So I played with my pen, and did my best to +entertain the public with stories of everyday life and love, such as +the least instructed could understand, and that I now allude to the +psychological side of my work is merely to explain that these six +books, namely: "A Romance of Two Worlds," "Ardath: The Story of a +Dead Self," "The Soul of Lilith," "Barabbas," "The Sorrows of Satan" +and "The Master Christian" ARE THE RESULT OF A DELIBERATELY +CONCEIVED PLAN AND INTENTION, and are all linked together by the ONE +THEORY. They have not been written solely as pieces of fiction for +which I, the author, am paid by the publisher, or you, the reader, +are content to be temporarily entertained,--they are the outcome of +what I myself have learned, practised and proved in the daily +experiences, both small and great, of daily life. + +You may probably say and you probably WILL say--"What does that +matter to us? We do not care a jot for your 'experiences'--they are +transcendental and absurd--they bore us to extinction." +Nevertheless, quite callous as you are or may be, there must come a +time when pain and sorrow have you in their grip--when what you call +'death' stands face to face with you, and when you will find that +all you have thought, desired or planned for your own pleasure, and +all that you possess of material good or advantage, vanishes like +smoke, leaving nothing behind,--when the world will seem no more +than a small receding point from which you must fall into the +Unknown--and when that "dread of something after death, The +undiscovered country from whose bourn No traveller returns, PUZZLES +THE WILL." You have at present living among you a great professing +scientist, Dr. Oliver Lodge, who, wandering among mazy infinities, +conceives it even possible to communicate with departed spirits,-- +while I, who have no such weight of worldly authority and learning +behind me, tell you that such a thing is out of all natural law and +therefore CAN NEVER BE. Nature can and will unveil to us many +mysteries that seem SUPER-natural, when they are only manifestations +of the deepest centre of the purest natural--but nothing can alter +Divine Law, or change the system which has governed the Universe +from the beginning. And by this Divine Law and system we have to +learn that the so-called 'dead' are NOT dead--they have merely been +removed to fresh life and new spheres of action, under which +circumstances they cannot possibly hold communication with us in any +way unless they again assume the human form and human existence. In +this case (which very frequently happens) it takes not only time for +us to know them, but it also demands a certain instinctive +receptiveness on our parts, or willingness to recognise them. Even +the risen Saviour was not at first recognised by His own disciples. +It is because I have been practically convinced of this truth, and +because I have learned that life is not and never can be death, but +only constant change and reinvestment of Spirit into Form, that I +have presumed so far as to allude to my own faith and experience,--a +'personal' touch for which I readily apologise, knowing that it +cannot be interesting to the majority who would never take the +trouble to shape their lives as I seek to shape mine. Still, if +there are one or two out of a million who feel as I do, that life +and love are of little worth if they must end in dark nothingness, +these may perhaps have the patience to come with me through the +pages of a narrative which is neither 'incidental' nor 'sensational' +nor anything which should pertain to the modern 'romance' or +'novel,' and which has been written because the writing of it +enforced itself upon me with an insistence that would take no +denial. + +Perhaps there will be at least one among those who turn over this +book, who will be sufficiently interested in the psychic--that is to +say the immortal and, therefore, the only REAL side of life--to give +a little undivided attention to the subject. To that one I address +myself and say: Will you, to begin with, drop your burden of +preconceived opinions and prejudices, whatever they are? Will you +set aside the small cares and trifles that affect your own material +personality? Will you detach yourself from your own private and +particular surroundings for a space and agree to THINK with me? +Thinking is, I know, the hardest of all hard tasks to the modern +mind. But if you would learn, you must undertake this trouble. If +you would find the path which is made fair and brilliant by the +radiance of the soul's imperishable summer, you must not grudge +time. If I try, no matter how inadequately, to show you something of +the mystic power that makes for happiness, do not shut your eyes in +scorn or languor to the smallest flash of light through your +darkness which may help you to a mastery of the secret. + +I say again--Will you THINK with me? Will you, for instance, think +of Life? What is it? Of Death? What is it? What is the primary +object of Living? What is the problem solved by Dying? All these +questions should have answer,--for nothing is without a meaning,-- +and nothing ever HAS BEEN, or ever WILL BE, without a purpose? + +In this world, apparently, and according to our surface knowledge of +all physical and mental phenomena, it would seem that the chief +business of humanity is to continually re-create itself. Man exists- +-in his own opinion--merely to perpetuate Man. All the wonders of +the earth, air, fire and water,--all the sustenance drawn from the +teeming bosom of Nature,--all the progress of countless +civilisations in ever recurring and repeated processional order,-- +all the sciences old and new,--are solely to nourish, support, +instruct, entertain and furnish food and employment for the tiny +two-legged imp of Chance, spawned (as he himself asserts) out of gas +and atoms. + +Yet,--as he personally declares, through the mouth of his modern +science,--he is not of real importance withal. The little planet on +which he dwells would, to all seeming, move on in its orbit in the +same way as it does now, without him. In itself it is a pigmy world +compared with the rest of the solar system of which it is a part. +Nevertheless, the fact cannot be denied that his material +surroundings are of a quality tending to either impress or to +deceive Man with a sense of his own value. The world is his oyster +which he, with the sword of enterprise, will open,--and all his +natural instincts urge him to perpetuate himself in some form or +other incessantly and without stint. Why? Why is his existence +judged to be necessary? Why should he not cease to be? Trees would +grow, flowers would bloom, birds would sing, fish would glide +through the rivers and the seas,--the insect and animal tribes of +field and forest would enjoy their existence unmolested, and the +great sun would shine on ever the same, rising at dawn, sinking at +even, with unbroken exactitude and regularity if Man no longer +lived. Why have the monstrous forces of Evolution thundered their +way through cycles of creation to produce so infinitesimal a +prodigy? + +Till this question is answered, so long must life seem at its best +but vague and unsatisfactory. So long over all things must brood the +shadow of death made more gloomy by hopeless contemplation. So long +must Creation appear something of a cruel farce, for which peoples +and civilisations come into being merely to be destroyed and leave +no trace. All the work futile,--all the education useless,--all the +hope vain. Only when men and women learn that their lives are not +infinitesimal but infinite--that each of them possesses within +himself or herself an eternal, active, conscious individual Force,-- +a Being--a Form--which in its radio-active energy draws to itself +and accommodates to its use, everything that is necessary for the +accomplishment of its endeavours, whether such endeavours be to +continue its life on this planet or to remove to other spheres; only +then will it be clearly understood that all Nature is the subject +and servant of this Radiant Energy--that Itself is the god-like +'image' or emanation of God, and that as such it has its eternal +part to perform in the eternal movement towards the Eternal Highest. + +I now leave the following pages to the reader's attentive or +indifferent consideration. To me, as I have already stated, outside +opinion is of no moment. Personally speaking, I should perhaps have +preferred, had it been possible, to set forth the incidents narrated +in the ensuing 'romance' in the form of separate essays on the +nature of the mystic tuition and experience through which some of us +in this workaday world have the courage to pass successfully, but I +know that the masses of the people who drift restlessly to and fro +upon the surface of this planet, ever seeking for comfort in various +forms of religion and too often finding none, will not listen to any +spiritual truth unless it is conveyed to them, as though they were +children, in the form of a 'story.' I am not the heroine of the +tale--though I have narrated it (more or less as told to me) in the +first person singular, because it seemed to me simpler and more +direct. She to whom the perfect comprehension of happiness has come +with an equally perfect possession of love, is one out of a few who +are seeking what she has found. Many among the world's greatest +mystics and philosophers have tried for the prizes she has won,--for +the world possesses Plato, the Bible and Christ, but in its apparent +present ways of living has learned little or nothing from the three, +so that other would-be teachers may well despair of carrying +persuasion where such mighty predecessors have seemingly failed. The +serious and REAL things of life are nowadays made subjects for +derision rather than reverence;--then, again, there is unhappily an +alarmingly increasing majority of weak-minded and degenerate +persons, born of drunken, diseased or vicious parents, who are +mentally unfit for the loftier forms of study, and in whom the mere +act of thought-concentration would be dangerous and likely to upset +their mental balance altogether; while by far the larger half of the +social community seek to avoid the consideration of anything that is +not exactly suited to their tastes. Some of our most respected +social institutions are nothing but so many self-opinionated and +unconscious oppositions to the Law of Nature which is the Law of +God,--and thus it often happens that when obstinate humanity +persists in considering its own ideas of Right and Wrong superior to +the Eternal Decrees which have been visibly presented through Nature +since the earliest dawn of creation, a faulty civilisation sets in +and is presently swept back upon its advancing wheels, and forced to +begin again with primal letters of learning. In the same way a +faulty Soul, an imperfect individual Spirit, is likewise compelled +to return to school and resume the study of the lessons it has +failed to put into practice. Nevertheless, people cannot bear to +have it plainly said or written down, as it has been said and +written down over and over again any time since the world began, +that all the corrupt government, wars, slaveries, plagues, diseases +and despairs that afflict humanity are humanity's own sins taking +vengeance upon the sinners, 'even unto the third and fourth +generation.' And this not out of Divine cruelty, but because of +Divine Law which from the first ordained that Evil shall slay +Itself, leaving room only for Good. Men and women alike will scarce +endure to read any book which urges this unalterable fact upon their +attention. They pronounce the author 'arrogant' or 'presuming to lay +down the law';--and they profess to be scandalised by an encounter +with honesty. Nevertheless, the faithful writer of things as they +Are will not be disturbed by the aspect of things as they Seem. + +Spirit,--the creative Essence of all that is,--works in various +forms, but always on an ascending plane, and it invariably rejects +and destroys whatever interrupts that onward and upward progress. +Being in Itself the Radiant outflow of the Mind of God, it is the +LIFE of the Universe. And it is very needful to understand and to +remember that there is nothing which can properly be called SUPER- +natural, or above Nature, inasmuch as this Eternal Spirit of Energy +is in and throughout all Nature. Therefore, what to the common mind +appears miraculous or impossible, is nevertheless actually ordinary, +and only seems EXTRA-ordinary to the common mind's lack of knowledge +and experience. The Fountain of Youth and the Elixir of Life were +dreams of the ancient mystics and scientists, but they are not +dreams to-day. To the Soul that has found them they are Divine +Realities. + +MARIE CORELLI + + + + + + + "There is no Death, + What seems so is transition." + + + + +I + +THE HEROINE BEGINS HER STORY + + +It is difficult at all times to write or speak of circumstances +which though perfectly at one with Nature appear to be removed from +natural occurrences. Apart from the incredulity with which the +narration of such incidents is received, the mere idea that any one +human creature should be fortunate enough to secure some particular +advantage which others, through their own indolence or indifference, +have missed, is sufficient to excite the envy of the weak or the +anger of the ignorant. In all criticism it is an understood thing +that the subject to be criticised must be UNDER the critic, never +above,--that is to say, never above the critic's ability to +comprehend; therefore, as it is impossible that an outsider should +enter at once into a clear understanding of the mystic Spiritual- +Nature world around him, it follows that the teachings and tenets of +that Spiritual-Nature world must be more or less a closed book to +such an one,--a book, moreover, which he seldom cares or dares to +try and open. + +In this way and for this reason the Eastern philosophers and sages +concealed much of their most profound knowledge from the multitude, +because they rightly recognised the limitations of narrow minds and +prejudiced opinions. What the fool cannot learn he laughs at, +thinking that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent +idiocy. And so it has happened that many of the greatest discoveries +of science, though fully known and realised in the past by the +initiated few, were never disclosed to the many until recent years, +when 'wireless telegraphy' and 'light-rays' are accepted facts, +though these very things were familiar to the Egyptian priests and +to that particular sect known as the 'Hermetic Brethren,' many of +whom used the 'violet ray' for chemical and other purposes ages +before the coming of Christ. Wireless telegraphy was also an +ordinary method of communication between them, and they had their +'stations' for it in high towers on certain points of land as we +have now. But if they had made their scientific attainments known to +the multitude of their day they would have been judged as impostors +or madmen. In the time of Galileo men would not believe that the +earth moved round the sun,--and if anyone had then declared that +messages could be sent from one ship to another in mid-ocean without +any visible means of communication, he would probably have been put +to torture and death as a sorcerer and deliberate misleader of the +public. In the same way those who write of spiritual truths and the +psychic control of our life-forces are as foolishly criticised as +Galileo, and as wrongfully condemned. + +For hundreds of years man's vain presumption and belief in his own +infallibility caused him to remain in error concerning the simplest +elements of astronomy, which would have taught him the true position +of the sphere upon which he dwells. With precisely equal obstinacy +man lives to-day in ignorance of his own highest powers because he +will not take the trouble to study the elements of that supreme and +all-commanding mental science which would enable him to understand +his own essential life and being, and the intention of his Creator +with regard to his progress and betterment. Therefore, in the face +of his persistent egotism and effrontery, and his continuous denial +of the 'superhuman' (which denial is absurdly incongruous seeing +that all his religions are built up on a 'superhuman' basis), it is +generally necessary for students of psychic mysteries to guard the +treasures of their wisdom from profane and vulgar scorn,--a scorn +which amounts in their eyes to blasphemy. For centuries it has been +their custom to conceal the tenets of their creed from the common +knowledge for the sake of conventions; because they would, or might, +be shut out from such consolations as human social intercourse can +give if their spiritual attainments were found to be, as they often +are, beyond the ordinary. Thus they move through the world with the +utmost caution, and instead of making a display of their powers +they, if they are true to their faith, studiously deny the idea that +they have any extraordinary or separate knowledge. They live as +spectators of the progress or decay of nations, and they have no +desire to make disciples, converts or confidants. They submit to the +obligations of life, obey all civil codes, and are blameless and +generous citizens, only preserving silence in regard to their own +private beliefs, and giving the public the benefit of their +acquirements up to a certain point, but shutting out curiosity where +they do not wish its impertinent eyes. + +To this, the creed just spoken of, I, the writer of this present +narrative, belong. It has nothing whatever to do with merely human +dogma,--and yet I would have it distinctly understood that I am not +opposed to 'forms' of religion save where they overwhelm religion +itself and allow the Spirit to be utterly lost in the Letter. For +'the letter killeth,--the spirit giveth life.' So far as a 'form' +may make a way for truth to become manifest, I am with it,--but when +it is a mere Sham or Show, and when human souls are lost rather than +saved by it, I am opposed to it. And with all my deficiencies I am +conscious that I may risk the chance of a lower world's disdain, +seeing that the 'higher world without end' is open to me in its +imperishable brightness and beauty, to live in both NOW, and for +ever. No one can cast me out of that glorious and indestructible +Universe, for 'whithersoever I go there will be the sun and the +moon, and the stars and visions and communion with the gods.' + +And so I will fulfil the task allotted to me, and will enter at once +upon my 'story'--in which form I shall endeavour to convey to my +readers certain facts which are as far from fiction as the sayings +of the prophets of old,--sayings that we know have been realised by +the science of to-day. Every great truth has at first been no more +than a dream,--that is to say, a thought, or an instinctive +perception of the Soul reaching after its own immortal heritage. And +what the Soul demands it receives. + + + * * * + * * + * + +At a time of year when the indolent languors of an exceptionally +warm summer disinclined most people for continuous hard work, and +when those who could afford it had left their ordinary avocations +for the joys of a long holiday, I received a pressing invitation +from certain persons whom I had met by chance during one London +season, to join them in a yachting cruise. My intending host was an +exceedingly rich man, a widower with one daughter, a delicate and +ailing creature who, had she been poor, would have been irreverently +styled 'a tiresome old maid,' but who by reason of being a +millionaire's sole heiress was alluded to with sycophantic +tenderness by all and sundry as 'Poor Miss Catherine.' Morton +Harland, her father, was in a certain sense notorious for having +written and published a bitter, cold and pitiless attack on +religion, which was the favourite reading of many scholars and +literary men, and this notable performance, together with the well +accredited reports of his almost fabulous wealth, secured for him +two social sets,--the one composed of such human sharks as are +accustomed to swim round the plutocrat,--the other of the cynical, +listless, semi-bored portion of a so-called cultured class who, +having grown utterly tired of themselves, presumed that it was +clever to be equally tired of God. I was surprised that such a man +as he was should think of including me among his guests, for I had +scarcely exchanged a dozen words with him, and my acquaintance with +Miss Harland was restricted to a few casual condolences with her +respecting the state of her health. Yet it so chanced that one of +those vague impulses to which we can give no name, but which often +play an important part in the building up of our life-dramas, moved +both father and daughter to a wish for my company. Moreover, the +wish was so strong that though on first receiving their invitation I +had refused it, they repeated it urgently, Morton Harland himself +pressing it upon me with an almost imperative insistence. + +"You want rest,"--he said, peering at me narrowly with his small +hard brown eyes--"You work all the time. And to what purpose?" + +I smiled. + +"To as much purpose as anyone else, I suppose,"--I answered--"But to +put it plainly, I work because I love work." + +The lines of his mouth grew harder. + +"So did I love work when I was your age,"--he said--"I thought I +could carve out a destiny. So I could. I have done it. But now it's +done I'm tired! I'm sick of my destiny,--the thing I carved out so +cleverly,--it has the stone face of a Sphinx and its eyes are blank +and without meaning." + +I was silent. My silence seemed to irritate him, and he gave me a +sharp, enquiring glance. + +"Do you hear me?" he demanded--"If you do, I don't believe you +understand!" + +"I hear--and I quite understand,"--I replied, quietly, "Your +destiny, as you have made it, is that of a rich man. And you do not +care about it. I think that's quite natural." + +He laughed harshly. + +"There you are again!" he exclaimed--"Up in the air and riding a +theory like a witch on a broomstick! It's NOT natural. That's just +where you're wrong! It's quite UN-natural. If a man has plenty of +money he ought to be perfectly happy and satisfied,--he can get +everything he wants,--he can move the whole world of commerce and +speculation, and can shake the tree of Fortune so that the apples +shall always fall at his own feet. But if the apples are tasteless +there's something wrong." + +"Not with the apples," I said. + +"Oh, I know what you mean! You would say the fault is with me, not +with Fortune's fruit. You may be right. Catherine says you are. Poor +mopish Catherine!--always ailing, always querulous! Come and cheer +her!" + +"But"--I ventured to say--"I hardly know her." + +"That's true. But she has taken a curious fancy to you. She has very +few fancies nowadays,--none that wealth can gratify. Her life has +been a complete disillusion. If you would do her and me a kindness, +come!" + +I was a little troubled by his pertinacity. I had never liked Morton +Harland. His reputation, both as a man of wealth and a man of +letters, was to me unenviable. He did no particular good with his +money,--and such literary talent as he possessed he squandered in +attacking nobler ideals than he had ever been able to attain. He was +not agreeable to look at either; his pale, close-shaven face was +deeply marked by lines of avarice and cunning,--his tall, lean +figure had an aggressive air in its very attitude, and his unkind +mouth never failed, whether in speaking or smiling, to express a +sneer. Apparently he guessed the vague tenor of my thoughts, for he +went on:-- + +"Don't be afraid of me! I'm not an ogre, and I shan't eat you! You +think me a disagreeable man--well, so I am. I've had enough in my +life to make me disagreeable. And"--here he paused, passing his hand +across his eyes with a worried and impatient gesture--"I've had an +unexpected blow just lately. The doctors tell me that I have a +mortal disease for which there is no remedy. I may live on for +several years, or I may die suddenly; it's all a matter of care--or +chance. I want to forget the sad news for a while if I can. I've +told Catherine, and I suppose I've added to her usual burden of +vapours and melancholy--so we're a couple of miserable wretches. +It's not very unselfish of us to ask you to come and join us under +such circumstances--" + +As he spoke my mind suddenly made itself up. I would go. Why not? A +cruise on a magnificent steam yacht, replete with every comfort and +luxury, was surely a fairly pleasant way of taking a holiday, even +with two invalids for company. + +"I'm sorry," I said, as gently as I could--"very sorry that you are +ill. Perhaps the doctors may be mistaken. They are not always +infallible. Many of their doomed patients have recovered in spite of +their verdict. And--as you and Miss Harland wish it so much--I will +certainly come." + +His frowning face lightened, and for a moment looked almost kind. + +"That's right!" he said--"The fresh air and the sea will do you +good. As for ourselves, sickly people though we are, we shall not +obtrude our ailments upon your attention. At least _I_ shall not. +Catherine may--she has got into an unfortunate habit of talking +about her aches and pains, and if her acquaintances have no aches +and pains to discuss with her she is at a loss for conversation. +However, we shall do our best to make the time go easily with you. +There will be no other company on board--except my private secretary +and my attendant physician,--both decent fellows who know their +place and keep it." + +The hard look settled again in his eyes, and his ugly mouth closed +firmly in its usual cruel line. My subconscious dislike of him gave +me a sharp thrust of regret that, after all, I had accepted his +invitation. + +"I was going to Scotland for a change,"--I murmured, hesitatingly. + +"Were you? Then our plans coincide. We join the yacht at Rothesay-- +you can meet us there. I propose a cruise among the Western isles-- +the Hebrides--and possibly on to Norway and its fjords. What do you +say?" + +My heart thrilled with a sudden sense of expectant joy. In my fancy +I already saw the heather-crowned summits of the Highland hills, +bathed in soft climbing mists of amethyst and rose,--the lovely +purple light that dances on the mountain lochs at the sinking of the +sun,--the exquisite beauty of wild moor and rocky foreland,--and +almost I was disposed to think this antipathetic millionaire an +angel of blessing in disguise. + +"It will be delightful!" I said, with real fervour--"I shall love +it! I'm glad you are going to keep to northern seas." + +"Northern seas are the only seas possible for summer," he replied-- +"With the winter one goes south, as a matter of course, though I'm +not sure that it is always advisable. I have found the Mediterranean +tiresome very often." He broke off and seemed to lose himself for a +moment in a tangle of vexed thought. Then he resumed quickly:-- +"Well, next week, then. Rothesay bay, and the yacht 'Diana.'" + +Things being thus settled, we shook hands and parted. In the +interval between his visit and my departure from home I had plenty +to do, and I heard no more of the Harlands, except that I received a +little note from Miss Catherine expressing her pleasure that I had +agreed to accompany them on their cruise. + +"You will be very dull, I fear,"--she wrote, kindly--"But not so +dull as we should be without you." + +This was a gracious phrase which meant as much or as little as most +such phrases of a conventionally amiable character. Dulness, +however, is a condition of brain and body of which I am seldom +conscious, so that the suggestion of its possibility did not disturb +my outlook. Having resolved to go, I equally resolved to enjoy the +trip to the utmost limit of my capacity for enjoyment, which-- +fortunately for myself--is very great. Before my departure from home +I had to listen, of course, to the usual croaking chorus of +acquaintances in the neighbourhood who were not going yachting and +who, according to their own assertion, never would on any account go +yachting. There is a tendency in many persons to decry every +pleasure which they have no chance of sharing, and this was not +lacking among my provincial gossips. + +"The weather has been so fine lately that we're sure to have a break +soon,"--said one--"I expect you'll meet gales at sea." + +"I hear," said another, "that heavy rains are threatening the west +coast of Scotland." + +"Such a bore, yachting!" declared a worthy woman who had never been +on a yacht in her life--"The people on board get sick of each +other's company in a week!" + +"Well, you ought to pity me very much, then!"--I said, laughing-- +"According to your ideas, a yachting cruise appears to be the last +possible form of physical suffering that can be inflicted on any +human being. But I shall hope to come safely out of it all the +same!" + +My visitors gave me a wry smile. It was quite easy to see that they +envied what they considered my good fortune in getting a holiday +under the most luxurious circumstances without its costing me a +penny. This was the only view they took of it. It is the only view +people generally take of any situation,--namely, the financial side. + +The night before I left home was to me a memorable one. Nothing of +any outward or apparent interest happened, and I was quite alone, +yet I was conscious of a singular elation of both mind and body as +though I were surrounded by a vibrating atmosphere of light and joy. +It was an impression that came upon me suddenly, seeming to have +little or nothing to do with my own identity, yet withal it was +still so personal that I felt eager to praise for such a rich inflow +of happiness. The impression was purely psychic I knew,--but it was +worth a thousand gifts of material good. Nothing seemed sad,-- +nothing seemed difficult in the whole Universe--every shadow of +trouble seemed swept away from a shining sky of peace. I threw open +the lattice window of my study and stepping out on the balcony which +overhung the garden, I stood there dreamily looking out upon the +night. There was no moon; only a million quivering points of light +flashing from the crowded stars in a heaven of dusky blue. The air +was warm, and fragrant with the sweet scent of stocks and +heliotrope,--there was a great silence, for it was fully midnight, +and not even the drowsy twitter of a bird broke the intense quiet. +The world was asleep--or seemed so--although for fifty living +organisms in Nature that sleep there are a thousand that wake, to +whom night is the working day. I listened,--and fancied I could hear +the delicate murmuring of voices hidden among the leaves and behind +the trees, and the thrill of soft music flowing towards me on the +sound-waves of the air. It was one of those supreme moments when I +almost thought I had made some marked progress towards the +attainment of my highest aims,--when the time I had spent and the +patience I had exercised in cultivating and training what may be +called the INWARD powers of sight and hearing were about to be +rewarded by a full opening to my striving spirit of the gates which +had till now been only set ajar. I knew,--for I had studied and +proved the truth,--that every bodily sense we possess is simply an +imperfect outcome of its original and existent faculty in the Soul,- +-that our bodily ears are only the material expressions of that +spiritual hearing which is fine and keen enough to catch the +lightest angel whisper,--that our eyes are but the outward semblance +of those brilliant inner orbs of vision which are made to look upon +the supernal glories of Heaven itself without fear or flinching,-- +and that our very sense of touch is but a rough and uncertain +handling of perishable things as compared with that sure and +delicate contact of the Soul's personal being with the etheric +substances pertaining to itself. Despite my eager expectation, +however, nothing more was granted to me then but just that exquisite +sensation of pure joy, which like a rain of light bathed every fibre +of my being. It was enough, I told myself--surely enough!--and yet +it seemed to me there should be something more. It was a promise +with the fulfilment close at hand, yet undeclared,--like a snow- +white cloud with the sun behind it. But I was given no solution of +the rapturous mystery surrounding me,--and--granting my soul an +absolute freedom, it could plunge no deeper than through the +immensity of stars to immensities still more profound, there to +dream and hope and wait. For years I had done this,--for years I had +worked and prayed, watching the pageant of poor human pride and +vanity drift past me like shadows on the shore of a dead sea,-- +succeeding little by little in threading my way through the closest +labyrinths of life, and finding out the beautiful reasons of +living;--and every now and then,--as to-night,--I had felt myself on +the verge of a discovery which in its divine simplicity should make +all problems clear and all difficulties easy, when I had been gently +but firmly held back by a force invisible, and warned, 'Thus far, +and no farther!' To oppose this force or make any personal effort to +rebel against it, is no part of my faith,--therefore at such moments +I had always yielded instantly and obediently as I yielded now. I +was not allowed to fathom the occult source of my happiness, but the +happiness remained,--and when I retired to rest it was with more +than ordinary gratitude that I said my usual brief prayer:--For the +day that is past, I thank Thee, O God my Father! For the night that +has come, I thank Thee! As one with Thee and with Nature I +gratefully take the rest Thou hast lovingly ordained. Whether I +sleep or wake my body and soul are Thine. Do with them as Thou wilt, +for Thy command is my joy. Amen. + +I slept as soundly and peacefully as a child, and the next day +started on my journey in the brightest of bright summer weather. A +friend travelled with me--one of those amiable women to whom life is +always pleasant because of the pleasantness in their own natures; +she had taken a house for the season in Inverness-shire, and I had +arranged to join her there when my trip with the Harlands was over, +or rather, I should say, when they had grown weary of me and I of +them. The latter chance was, thought my friend, whom I will call +Francesca, most likely. + +"There's no greater boredom,"--she declared--"than the society of an +imaginative invalid. Such company will not be restful to you,--it +will tire you out. Morton Harland himself may be really ill, as he +says--I shouldn't wonder if he is, for he looks it!--but his +daughter has nothing whatever the matter with her,--except nerves." + +"Nerves are bad enough,"--I said. + +"Nerves can be conquered,"--she answered, with a bright smile of +wholesome conviction--"Nerves are generally--well!--just +selfishness!" + +There was some truth in this, but we did not argue the point +further. We were too much engrossed with the interests of our +journey north, and with the entertainment provided for us by our +fellow-travellers. The train for Edinburgh and Glasgow was crowded +with men of that particular social class who find grouse-shooting an +intelligent way of using their brain and muscle, and gun-cases +cumbered the ground in every corner. It wanted yet several days to +the famous Twelfth of August, but the weather was so exceptionally +fine and brilliant that the exodus from town had begun earlier than +was actually necessary for the purposes of slaughter. Francesca and +I studied the faces and figures of our companions with lively and +unabated interest. We had a reserved compartment to ourselves, and +from its secluded privacy we watched the restless pacing up and down +in the adjacent corridor of sundry male creatures who seemed to have +nothing whatever to think about but the day's newspaper, and nothing +to do but smoke. + +"I am sure," said Francesca, suddenly--"that in the beginning of +creation we were all beasts and birds of prey, eating each other up +and tearing each other to pieces. The love of prey is in us still." + +"Not in you, surely?" I queried, with a smile. + +"Oh, I am not talking or thinking of myself. I'm just--a woman. So +are you--a woman--and something more, perhaps--something not like +the rest of us." Here her kind eyes regarded me a trifle wistfully." +I can't quite make you out sometimes,--I wish I could! But--apart +from you and me--look at a few of these men! One has just passed our +window who has the exact physiognomy of a hawk,--cruel eyes and +sharp nose like a voracious beak. Another I noticed a minute ago +with a perfectly pig-like face,--he does not look rightly placed on +two legs, his natural attitude is on four legs, grunting with his +snout in the gutter!" + +I laughed. + +"You are a severe critic, Francesca!" + +"Not I. I'm not criticising at all. But I can't help seeing +resemblances. And sometimes they are quite appalling. Now you, for +instance,"--here she laid a hand tentatively on mine--"you, in your +mysterious ideas of religion, actually believe that persons who lead +evil lives and encourage evil thoughts, descend the scale from which +they have risen and go back to the lowest forms of life--" + +"I do believe that certainly"--I answered--"But--" + +"'But me no buts,'"--she interrupted--"I tell you there are people +in this world whom I see IN THE VERY ACT OF DESCENDING! And it makes +me grow cold!" + +I could well understand her feeling. I had experienced it often. +Nothing has ever filled me with a more hopeless sense of inadequacy +and utter uselessness than to watch, as I am often compelled to +watch, the deplorable results of the determined choice made by +certain human beings to go backward and downward rather than forward +and upward,--a choice in which no outside advice can be of any avail +because they will not take it even if it is offered. It is a life- +and-death matter for their own wills to determine,--and no power, +human or divine, can alter the course they elect to adopt. As well +expect that God would revert His law of gravitation to save the +silly suicide who leaps to destruction from tower or steeple, as +that He would change the eternal working of His higher Spiritual Law +to rescue the resolved Soul which, knowing the difference between +good and evil, deliberately prefers evil. If an angel of light, a +veritable 'Son of the Morning' rebels, he must fall from Heaven. +There is no alternative; until of his own free-will he chooses to +rise again. + +My friend and I had often talked together on these knotty points +which tangled up what should be the straightness of many a life's +career, and as we mutually knew each other's opinions we did not +discuss them at the moment. + +Time passed quickly,--the train rushed farther and farther north, +and by six o'clock on that warm, sunshiny afternoon we were in the +grimy city of Glasgow, from whence we went on to a still grimier +quarter, Greenock, where we put up for the night. The 'best' hotel +was a sorry affair, but we were too tired to mind either a bad +dinner or uncomfortable rooms, and went to bed glad of any place +wherein to sleep. Next morning we woke up very early, refreshed and +joyous, in time to see the sun rise in a warm mist of gold over a +huge man-o'-war outside Greenock harbour,--a sight which, in its +way, was very fine and rather suggestive of a Turner picture. + +"Dear old Sol!" said Francesca, shading her eyes as she looked at +the dazzle of glory--"His mission is to sustain life,--and the +object of that war-vessel bathed in all his golden rays is to +destroy it. What unscrupulous villains men are! Why cannot nations +resolve on peace and amity, and if differences arise agree to settle +them by arbitration? It's such a pagan and brutal thing to kill +thousands of innocent men just because Governments quarrel." + +"I entirely agree with you,"--I said--"All the same I don't approve +of Governments that preach peace while they drain the people's +pockets for the purpose of increasing armaments, after the German +fashion. Let us be ready with adequate defences,--but it's surely +very foolish to cripple our nation at home by way of preparation for +wars which may never happen." + +"And yet they MAY happen!" said Francesca, her eyes still dreamily +watching the sunlit heavens--"Everything in the Universe is engaged +in some sort of a fight, so it seems to me. The tiniest insects are +for ever combating each other. In the very channels of our own blood +the poisonous and non-poisonous germs are constantly striving for +the mastery, and how can we escape the general ordainment? Life +itself is a continual battle between good and evil, and if it were +not so we should have no object in living. The whole business is +evidently intended to be a dose conflict to the end." + +"There is no end!" I said. + +She looked at me almost compassionately. + +"So you imagine!" + +I smiled. + +"So I KNOW!" + +A vague expression flitted over her face,--an expression with which +I had become familiar. She was a most lovable and intelligent +creature, but she could not think very far,--the effort wearied and +perplexed her. + +"Well, then, it must be an everlasting skirmish, I suppose!" she +said, laughingly,--"I wonder if our souls will ever get tired!" + +"Do you think God ever gets tired?" I asked. + +She looked startled,--then amused. + +"He ought to!" she declared, with vivacity--"I don't mean to be +irreverent, but really, what with all the living things in all the +millions of worlds trying to get what they ought not to have, and +wailing and howling when they are disappointed of their wishes, He +ought to be very, very tired!" + +"But He is not,"--I said;--"If He were, there would indeed be an end +of all! Should the Creator be weary of His work, the work would be +undone. I wish we thought of this more often!" + +She put her arm round me kindly. + +"You are a strange creature!" she said--"You think a great deal too +much of all these abstruse subjects. After all, I'm glad you are +going on this cruise with the Harland people. They will bring you +down from the spheres with a run! They will, I'm sure! You'll hear +no conversation that does not turn on baths, medicines, massage, and +general cure-alls! And when you come on to stay with me in +Inverness-shire you'll be quite commonplace and sensible!" + +I smiled. The dear Francesca always associated 'the commonplace and +sensible' together, as though they were fitted to companion each +other. The complete reverse is, of course, the case, for the +'commonplace' is generally nothing more than the daily routine of +body which is instinctively followed by beasts and birds as equally +as by man, and has no more to do with real 'sense' or pure mentality +than the ticking of a watch has to do with the enormous forces of +the sun. What we call actual 'Sense' is the perception of the Soul,- +-a perception which cannot be limited to things which are merely +material, inasmuch as it passes beyond outward needs and appearances +and reaches to the causes which create those outward needs and +appearances. I was, however, satisfied to leave my friend in +possession of the field of argument, the more readily as our parting +from each other was so near at hand. + +We journeyed together by the steamer 'Columba' to Rothesay, where, +on entering the beautiful bay, crowded at this season with pleasure +craft, the first object which attracted our attention was the very +vessel for which I was bound, the 'Diana,' one of the most +magnificent yachts ever built to gratify the whim of a millionaire. +Tourists on board our steamer at once took up positions where they +could obtain the best view of her, and many were the comments we +heard concerning her size and the beauty of her lines as she rode at +anchor on the sunlit water. + +"You'll be in a floating palace,"--said Francesca, as we approached +Rothesay pier, and she bade me an affectionate adieu--"Now take care +of yourself, and don't fly away to the moon on what you call an +etheric vibration! Remember, if you get tired of the Harlands to +come to me at once." + +I promised, and we parted. On landing at Rothesay I was almost +immediately approached by a sailor from the 'Diana,' who, spying my +name on my luggage, quickly possessed himself of it and told me the +motor launch was in waiting to take me over to the yacht. I was on +my way across the sparkling bay before the 'Columba' started out +again from the pier, and Francesca, standing on the steamer's deck, +waved to me a smiling farewell as I went. In about ten minutes I was +on board the 'Diana,' shaking hands with Morton Harland and his +daughter Catherine, who, wrapped up in shawls on a deck chair, +looked as though she were guarding herself from the chills of a +rigorous winter rather than basking in the warm sunshine of a summer +morning. + +"You look very well!"--she said, in tones of plaintive amiability-- +"And so wonderfully bright!" + +"It's such a bright day,"--I answered, feeling as if I ought somehow +to apologise for a healthy appearance, "One can't help being happy!" + +She sighed and smiled faintly, and her maid appearing at that moment +to take my travelling bag and wraps, I was shown the cabin, or +rather the state-room which was to be mine during the cruise. It was +a luxurious double apartment, bedroom and sitting-room together, +divided only by the hanging folds of a rich crimson silk curtain, +and exquisitely fitted with white enamelled furniture ornamented +with hand-wrought silver. The bed had no resemblance whatever to a +ship's berth, but was an elaborate full-sized affair, canopied in +white silk embroidered with roses; the carpet was of a thick +softness into which my feet sank as though it were moss, and a tall +silver and crystal vase, full of gorgeous roses, was placed at the +foot of a standing mirror framed in silver, so that the blossoms +were reflected double. The sitting-room was provided with easy +chairs, a writing-table, and a small piano, and here, too, masses of +roses showed their fair faces from every corner. It was all so +charming that I could not help uttering an exclamation of delight, +and the maid who was unpacking my things smiled sympathetically. + +"It's perfectly lovely!" I said, turning to her with eagerness-- +"It's quite a little fairyland! But isn't this Miss Harland's +cabin?" + +"Oh dear no, miss,"--she replied--"Miss Harland wouldn't have all +these things about her on any account. There are no carpets or +curtains in Miss Harland's rooms. She thinks them very unhealthy. +She has only a bit of matting on the floor, and an iron bedstead-- +all very plain. And as for roses!--she wouldn't have a rose near her +for ever so!--she can't bear the smell of them." + +I made no comment. I was too enchanted with my surroundings for the +moment to consider how uncomfortable my hostess chose to make +herself. + +"Who arranged these rooms?" I asked. + +"Mr. Harland gave orders to the steward to make them as pretty as he +could,"--said the maid--"John" and she blushed--"has a lot of +taste." + +I smiled. I saw at once how matters were between her and "John." +Just then there was a sound of thudding and grinding above my head, +and I realised that we were beginning to weigh anchor. Quickly tying +on my yachting cap and veil, I hurried on deck, and was soon +standing beside my host, who seemed pleased at the alacrity with +which I had joined him, and I watched with feelings of indescribable +exhilaration the 'Diana' being loosed from her moorings. Steam was +up, and in a very short time her bowsprit swung round and pointed +outward from the bay. Quivering like an eager race-horse ready to +start, she sprang forward; and then, with a stately sweeping curve, +glided across the water, catting it into bright wavelets with her +sword-like keel and churning a path behind her of opalescent foam. +We were off on our voyage of pleasure at last,--a voyage which the +Fates had determined should, for one adventurer at least, lead to +strange regions as yet unexplored. But no premonitory sign was given +to me, or suggestion that I might be the one chosen to sail 'the +perilous seas of fairy lands forlorn'--for in spiritual things of +high import, the soul that is most concerned is always the least +expectant. + + + + +II + +THE FAIRY SHIP + + +I was introduced that evening at dinner to Mr. Harland's physician, +and also to his private secretary. I was not greatly prepossessed in +favour of either of these gentlemen. Dr. Brayle was a dark, slim, +clean-shaven man of middle age with expressionless brown eyes and +sleek black hair which was carefully brushed and parted down the +middle,--he was quiet and self-contained in manner, and yet I +thought I could see that he was fully alive to the advantages of his +position as travelling medical adviser to an American millionaire. I +have not mentioned till now that Morton Harland was an American. I +was always rather in the habit of forgetting the fact, as he had +long ago forsworn his nationality and had naturalised himself as a +British subject. But he had made his vast fortune in America, and +was still the controlling magnate of many large financial interests +in the States. He was, however, much more English than American, for +he had been educated at Oxford, and as a young man had been always +associated with English society and English ways. He had married an +English wife, who died when their first child, his daughter, was +born, and he was wont to set down all Miss Catherine's mopish +languors to a delicacy inherited from her mother, and to lack of a +mother's care in childhood. In my opinion Catherine was robust +enough, but it was evident that from a very early age she had been +given her own way to the fullest extent, and had been so accustomed +to have every little ailment exaggerated and made the most of that +she had grown to believe health of body and mind as well-nigh +impossible to the human being. Dr. Brayle, I soon perceived, lent +himself to this attitude, and I did not like the covert gleam of his +mahogany-coloured eyes as he glanced rapidly from father to daughter +in the pauses of conversation, watching them as narrowly as a cat +might watch a couple of unwary mice. The secretary, Mr. Swinton, was +a pale, precise-looking young man with a somewhat servile demeanour, +under which he concealed an inordinately good opinion of himself. +His ideas were centred in and bounded by the art of stenography,--he +was an adept in shorthand and typewriting, could jot down, I forget +how many crowds of jostling words a minute, and never made a +mistake. He was a clock-work model of punctuality and dispatch, of +respectfulness and obedience,--but he was no more than a machine,-- +he could not be moved to a spontaneous utterance or a spontaneous +smile, unless both smile and utterance were the result of some +pleasantness affecting himself. Neither Dr. Brayle nor Mr. Swinton +were men whom one could positively like or dislike,--they simply had +the power of creating an atmosphere in which my spirit found itself +swimming like a gold-fish in a bowl, wondering how it got in and how +it could get out. + +As I sat rather silently at table I felt, rather than saw, Dr. +Brayle regarding me with a kind of perplexed curiosity. I was as +fully aware of his sensations as of my own,--I knew that my presence +irritated him, though he was not clever enough to explain even to +himself the cause of his irritation. So far as Mr. Swinton was +concerned, he was comfortably wrapped up in a pachydermatous hide of +self-appreciation, so that he thought nothing about me one way or +the other except as a guest of his patrons, and one therefore to +whom he was bound to be civil. But with Dr. Brayle it was otherwise. +I was a puzzle to him, and--after a brief study of me--an annoyance. +He forced himself into conversation with me, however, and we +interchanged a few remarks on the weather and on the various +beauties of the coast along which we had been sailing all day. + +"I see that you care very much for fine scenery," he said--"Few +women do." + +"Really?" And I smiled. "Is admiration of the beautiful a special +privilege of men only?" + +"It should be,"--he answered, with a little bow--"We are the +admirers of your sex." + +I made no answer. Mr. Harland looked at me with a somewhat quizzical +air. + +"You are not a believer in compliments," he said. + +"Was it a compliment?" I asked, laughingly--"I'm afraid I'm very +dense! I did not see that it was meant as one." + +Dr. Brayle's dark brows drew together in a slight frown. With that +expression on his face he looked very much like an Italian poisoner +of old time,--the kind of man whom Caesar Borgia might have employed +to give the happy dispatch to his enemies by some sure and +undiscoverable means known only to intricate chemistry. + +Presently Mr. Harland spoke again, while he peeled a pear slowly and +delicately with a deft movement of his fruit knife that suggested +cruelty and the flaying alive of some sentient thing. + +"Our little friend is of a rather strange disposition," he observed- +-"She has the indifference of an old-world philosopher to the saying +of speeches that are merely socially agreeable. She is ardent in +soul, but suspicious in mind! She imagines that a pleasant word may +often be used to cover a treacherous action, and if a man is as rude +and blunt as myself, for example, she prefers that he should be rude +and blunt rather than that he should attempt to conceal his +roughness by an amiability which it is not his nature to feel." Here +he looked up at me from the careful scrutiny of his nearly flayed +pear. "Isn't that so?" + +"Certainly,"--I answered--"But that's not a 'strange' or original +attitude of mind." + +The corners of his ugly mouth curled satirically. + +"Pardon me, dear lady, it is! The normal and strictly reasonable +attitude of the healthy human Pigmy is that It should accept as +gospel all that It is told of a nature soothing and agreeable to +Itself. It should believe, among other things, that It is a very +precious Pigmy among natural forces, destined to be immortal, and to +share with Divine Intelligence the privileges of Heaven. Put out by +the merest trifle, troubled by a spasm, driven almost to howling by +a toothache, and generally helpless in all very aggravated adverse +circumstances, It should still console Itself with the idea that Its +being, Its proportions and perfections are superb enough to draw +down Deity into a human shape as a creature of human necessities in +order that It, the Pigmy, should claim kinship with the Divine now +and for ever! What gorgeous blasphemy in such a scheme!--what +magnificent arrogance!" I was silent, but I could almost hear my +heart beating with suppressed emotion. I knew Morton Harland was an +atheist, so far as atheism is possible to any creature born of +spirit as well as matter, but I did not think he would air his +opinions so openly and at once before me the first evening of my +stay on board his yacht. I saw, however, that he spoke in this way +hoping to move me to an answering argument for the amusement of +himself and the other two men present, and therefore I did what was +incumbent upon me to do in such a situation--held my peace. Dr. +Brayle watched me curiously,--and poor Catherine Harland turned her +plaintive eyes upon me full of alarm. She had learned to dread her +father's fondness for starting topics which led to religious +discussions of a somewhat heated nature. But as I did not speak, Mr. +Harland was placed in the embarrassing position of a person +propounding a theory which no one shows any eagerness to accept or +to deny, and, looking slightly confused, he went on in a lighter and +more casual way-- + +"I had a friend once at Oxford,--a wonderful fellow, full of strange +dreams and occult fancies. He was one of those who believed in the +Divine half of man. He used to study curious old books and +manuscripts till long past midnight, and never seemed tired. His +father had lived by choice in some desert corner of Egypt for forty +years, and in Egypt this boy had been born. Of his mother he never +spoke. His father died suddenly and left him a large fortune under +trustees till he came of age, with instructions that he was to be +taken to England and educated at Oxford, and that when he came into +possession of his money, he was to be left free to do as he liked +with it. I met him when he was almost half-way through his +University course. I was only two or three years his senior, but he +always looked much younger than I. And he was, as we all said, +'uncanny '--as uncanny as our little friend,"--here indicating me by +a nod of his head and a smile which was meant to be kindly--"He +never practised or 'trained' for anything and yet all things came +easily to him. He was as magnificent in his sports as he was in his +studies, and I remember--how well I remember it!--that there came a +time at last when we all grew afraid of him. If we saw him coming +along the 'High' we avoided him,--he had something of terror as well +as admiration for us,--and though I was of his college and +constantly thrown into association with him, I soon became infected +with the general scare. One night he stopped me in the quadrangle +where he had his rooms--" + +Here Mr. Harland broke off suddenly. + +"I'm boring you,"--he said--"I really have no business to inflict +the recollections of my youth upon you." + +Dr. Brayle's brown eyes showed a glistening animal interest. + +"Pray go on!" he urged--"It sounds like the chapter of a romance." + +"I'm not a believer in romance,"--said Mr. Harland, grimly--"Facts +are enough in themselves without any embroidered additions. This +fellow was a Fact,--a healthy, strong, energetic, living Fact. He +stopped me in the quadrangle as I tell you,--and he laid his hand on +my shoulder. I shrank from his touch, and had a restless desire to +get away from him. 'What's the matter with you, Harland?' he said, +in a grave, musical voice that was peculiarly his own--'You seem +afraid of me. If you are, the fault is in yourself, not in me!' I +shuffled my feet about on the stone pavement, not knowing what to +say--then I stammered out the foolish excuses young men make when +they find themselves in an awkward corner. He listened to my +stammering remarks about 'the other fellows' with attentive +patience,--then he took his hand from my shoulder with a quick, +decisive movement. 'Look here, Harland'--he said--'You are taking up +all the conventions and traditions with which our poor old Alma +Mater is encrusted, and sticking them over you like burrs. They'll +cling, remember! It's a pity you choose this way of going,--I'm +starting at the farther end--where Oxford leaves off and Life +begins!' I suppose I stared--for he went on--'I mean Life that goes +forward,--not Life that goes backward, picking up the stale crumbs +fallen from centuries that have finished their banquet and passed +on. There!--I won't detain you! We shall not meet often--but don't +forget what I have said,--that if you are afraid of me, or of any +other man, or of any existing thing,--the fault is in yourself, not +in the persons or objects you fear.' 'I don't see it,' I blurted +out, angrily--'What of the other fellows? They think you're queer!' +He laughed. 'Bless the other fellows!' he said--'They're with you in +the same boat! They think me queer because THEY are queer--that is,- +-out of line--themselves.' I was irritated by his easy indifference +and asked him what he meant by 'out of line.' 'Suppose you see a +beautiful garden harmoniously planned,' he said, still smiling, 'and +some clumsy fellow comes along and puts a crooked pigstye up among +the flower beds, you would call that "out of line," wouldn't you? +Unsuitable, to say the least of it?' 'Oh!' I said, hotly--'So you +consider me and my friends crooked pigstyes in your landscape?' He +made me a gay, half apologetic gesture. 'Something of the type, dear +boy!' he said--'But don't worry! The crooked pigstye is always a +most popular kind of building in the world you will live in!' With +that he bade me good-night, and went. I was very angry with him, for +I was a conceited youth and thought myself and my particular +associates the very cream of Oxford,--but he took all the highest +honours that year, and when he finally left the University he +vanished, so to speak, in a blaze of intellectual glory. I have +never seen him again--and never heard of him--and so I suppose his +studies led him nowhere. He must be an elderly man now,--he may be +lame, blind, lunatic, or what is more probable still, he may be +dead, and I don't know why I think of him except that his theories +were much the same as those of our little friend,"--again indicating +me by a nod--"He never cared for agreeable speeches,--always rather +mistrusted social conventions, and believed in a Higher Life after +Death." + +"Or a Lower,"--I put in, quietly. + +"Ah yes! There must be a Down grade, of course, if there is an Up. +The two would be part of each other's existence. But as I accept +neither, the point does not matter." + +I looked at him, and I suppose my looks expressed wonder or pity or +both, for he averted his glance from mine. + +"You are something of a spiritualist, I believe?"--said Dr. Brayle, +lifting his hard eyes from the scrutiny of the tablecloth and fixing +them upon me. + +"Not at all,"--I answered, at once, and with emphasis. "That is, if +you mean by the term 'spiritualist' a credulous person who believes +in mediumistic trickery, automatic writing and the like. That is +sheer nonsense and self-deception." + +"Several experienced scientists give these matters considerable +attention,"--suggested Mr. Swinton, primly. + +I smiled. + +"Science, like everything else, has its borderland," I said--"from +which the brain can easily slip off into chaos. The most approved +scientific professors are liable to this dire end of their +speculations. They forget that in order to understand the Infinite +they must first be sure of the Infinite in themselves." + +"You speak like an oracle, fair lady!"--said Mr. Harland--"But +despite your sage utterances Man remains as finite as ever." + +"If he chooses the finite state certainly he does,"--I answered--"He +is always what he elects to be." + +Mr. Harland seemed desirous of continuing the argument, but I would +say no more. The topic was too serious and sacred with me to allow +it to be lightly discussed by persons whose attitude of mind was +distinctly opposed and antipathetic to all things beyond the merely +mundane. + +After dinner, Miss Catherine professed herself to be suffering from +neuralgia, and gathering up her shawls and wraps asked me to excuse +her for going to bed early. I bade her good-night, and, leaving my +host and the two other men to their smoke, I went up on deck. We +were anchored off Mull, and against a starlit sky of exceptional +clearness the dark mountains of Morven were outlined with a softness +as of black velvet. The yacht rested on perfectly calm waters, +shining like polished steel,--and the warm stillness of the summer +night was deliciously soothing and restful. Our captain and one or +two of the sailors were about on duty, and I sat in the stern of the +vessel looking up into the glorious heavens. The tapering bow-sprit +of the 'Diana' pointed aloft as it were into a woven web of stars, +and I lost myself in imaginary flight among those glittering unknown +worlds, oblivious of my material surroundings, and forgetting that +despite the splendid evidences of a governing Intelligence in the +beauty and order of the Universe spread about them every day, my +companions in the journey of pleasure we were undertaking together +were actually destitute of all faith in God, and had less perception +of the existing Divine than the humblest plant may possess that +instinctively forces its way upward to the light. I did not think of +this,--it was no use thinking about it as I could not better the +position,--but I found myself curiously considering the story Mr. +Harland had told about his college friend at Oxford. I tried to +picture his face and figure till presently it seemed as if I saw +him,--indeed I could have sworn that a man's shadowy form stood +immediately in front of me, bending upon me a searching glance from +eyes that were strangely familiar. Startled at this wraith of my own +fancy, I half rose from my chair--then sank back again with a laugh +at my imagination's too vivid power of portrayal. A figure did +certainly present itself, but one of sufficient bulk to convince me +of its substantiality. This was the captain of the 'Diana,' a +cheery-looking personage of a thoroughly nautical type, who, +approaching me, lifted his cap and said: + +"That's a wonderfully fine yacht that has just dropped anchor behind +us. She's illuminated, too. Have you seen her?" + +"No," I answered, and turned in the direction he indicated. An +involuntary exclamation escaped me. There, about half a mile to our +rear, floated a schooner of exquisite proportions and fairy-like +grace, outlined from stem to stern by delicate borderings of +electric light as though decorated for some great festival, and +making quite a glittering spectacle in the darkness of the deepening +night. We could see active figures at work on deck--the sails were +dropped and quickly furled,--but the quivering radiance remained +running up every tapering mast and spar, so that the whole vessel +seemed drawn on the dusky air with pencil points of fire. I stood +up, gazing at the wonderful sight in silent amazement and +admiration, with the captain beside me, and it was he who first +spoke. + +"I can't make her out,"--he said, perplexedly,--"We never heard a +sound except just when she dropped anchor, and that was almost +noiseless. How she came round the point yonder so suddenly is a +mystery! I was keeping a sharp look-out, too." + +"Surely she's very large for a sailing vessel?" I queried. + +"The largest I've ever seen,"--he replied--"But how did she sail? +That's what I want to know!" + +He looked so puzzled that I laughed. + +"Well, I suppose in the usual way,"--I said--"With sails." + +"Ay, that's all very well!"--and he glanced at me with a +compassionate air as at one who knew nothing about seafaring--"But +sails must have wind, and there hasn't been a capful all the +afternoon or evening. Yet she came in with crowded canvas full out +as if there was a regular sou'wester, and found her anchorage as +easy as you please. All in a minute, too. If there was a wind it +wasn't a wind belonging to this world! Wouldn't Mr. Harland perhaps +like to see her?" + +I took the hint and ran down into the saloon, which by this time was +full of the stifling odours of smoke and whisky. Mr. Harland was +there, drinking and talking somewhat excitedly with Dr. Brayle, +while his secretary listened and looked on. I explained why I had +ventured to interrupt their conversation, and they accompanied me up +on deck. The strange yacht looked more bewilderingly brilliant than +ever, the heavens having somewhat clouded over, and as we all, the +captain included, leaned over our own deck rail and gazed at her +shining outlines, we heard the sound of delicious music and singing +floating across the quiet sea. + +"Some millionaire's toy,"--said Mr. Harland--"She's floating from +the mysterious yacht." It was a music full of haunting sweetness and +rhythmic melody, and I was not sure whether it was evolved from +stringed instruments or singing voices. By climbing up on the sofa +in my sitting-room I could look out through the port-hole on the +near sea, rippling close to me, and bringing, as I fancied, with +every ripple a new cadence, a tenderer snatch of tune. A subtle +scent was on the salt air, as of roses mingling with the freshness +of the scarcely moving waters,--it came, I thought, from the +beautiful blossoms which so lavishly adorned my rooms. I could not +see the yacht from my point of observation, but I could hear the +music she had on board, and that was enough for immediate delight. + +Leaving the port-hole open, I lay down on the sofa immediately +beneath it and comprised myself to listen. The soft breath of the +sea blew on my cheeks, and with every breath the delicate vibrations +of appealing harmony rose and fell--it was as if these enchanting +sounds were being played or sung for me alone. In a delicious +languor I drowsed, as it were, with my eyes open,--losing myself in +a labyrinth of happy dreams and fancies which came to me unbidden,-- +till presently the music died softly away like a retreating wave and +ceased altogether. I waited a few minutes--listening breathlessly +lest it should begin again and I lose some note of it,--then hearing +no more, I softly closed the port-hole and drew the curtain. I did +this with an odd reluctance, feeling somehow that I had shut out a +friend; and I half apologised to this vague sentiment by reminding +myself of the lateness of the hour. It was nearly midnight. I had +intended writing to Francesca,--but I was now disinclined for +anything but rest. The music which had so entranced me throbbed +still in my ears and made my heart beat with a quick sense of joy,- +children--there may be several inoffensive reasons for his lighting +up, and he may think no more of advertisement than you or I." + +"That's true,"--assented Dr. Brayle, with a quick concession to his +patron's humour. "But people nowadays do so many queer things for +mere notoriety's sake that it is barely possible to avoid suspecting +them. They will even kill themselves in order to be talked about." + +"Fortunately they don't hear what's said of them,"--returned Mr. +Harland--"or they might alter their minds and remain alive. It's +hardly worth while to hang yourself in order to be called a fool!" + +While this talk went on I remained silent, watching the illuminated +schooner with absorbed fascination. Suddenly, while I still gazed +upon her, every spark with which she was, as it were, bejewelled, +went out, and only the ordinary lamps common to the watches of the +night on board a vessel at anchorage burned dimly here and there +like red winking eyes. For the rest, she was barely visible save by +an indistinct tracery of blurred black lines. The swiftness with +which her brilliancy had been eclipsed startled us all and drew from +Captain Derrick the remark that it was 'rather queer.' + +"What pantomimists call a 'quick change'"--said Mr. Harland, with a +laugh--"The show is over for to-night. Let us turn in. To-morrow +morning we'll try and make acquaintance with the stranger, and find +out for Captain Derrick's comfort how she managed to sail without +wind!" + +We bade each other good-night then, and descended to our several +quarters. + +When I found myself alone in the luxurious state-room 'suite' +allotted to me, the first thing I did was to open one of the port- +holes and listen to the music which still came superbly built,-- +sailing vessels are always more elegant than steam, though not half +so useful. I expect she'll lie becalmed here for a day or two." + +"It's a wonder she's got round here at all,"--said the captain-- +"There wasn't any wind to bring her." + +Mr. Harland looked amused. + +"There must have been SOME wind, Derrick,"--he answered--"Only it +wasn't boisterous enough for a hardy salt like you to feel it." + +"There wasn't a breath,"--declared Derrick, firmly--"Not enough to +blow a baby's curl." + +"Then how did she get here?" asked Dr. Brayle. + +Captain Derrick's lifted eyebrows expressed his inability to solve +the enigma. + +"I said just now if there was a wind it wasn't a wind belonging to +this world--" + +Mr. Harland turned upon him quickly. + +"Well, there are no winds belonging to other worlds that will ever +disturb OUR atmosphere,"--he said--"Come, come, Derrick, you don't +think that yacht is a ghost, do you?--a sort of 'Flying Dutchman' +spectre?" + +Captain Derrick smiled broadly. + +"No, sir--I don't! There's flesh and blood aboard--I've seen the men +hauling down canvas, and I know that. But the way she sailed in +bothers me." + +"All that electric light is rather ostentatious,"--said Dr. Brayle-- +"I suppose the owner wants to advertise his riches." + +"That doesn't follow," said Mr. Harland, with some sharpness--"I +grant you we live in an advertising age, but I don't fancy the owner +of that vessel is a Pill or a Plaster or even a Special Tea. He may +want to amuse himself--it may be the birthday of his wife or one of +his and a warm atmosphere of peace and comfort came over me when at +last I lay down in my luxurious bed, and slipped away into the land +of sleep. Ah, what a land it is, that magic Land of Sleep!--a land +'shadowing with wings,' where amid many shifting and shimmering +wonders of darkness and light, the Palace of Vision stands uplifted, +stately and beautiful, with golden doors set open to the wanderer! I +made my entrance there that night;--often and often as I had been +within its enchanted precincts before, there were a million halls of +marvel as yet unvisited,--and among these I found myself,--under a +dome which seemed of purest crystal lit with fire,--listening to One +invisible, who,--speaking as from a great height, discoursed to me +of Love." + + + + +III + +THE ANGEL OF A DREAM + + +The Voice that spoke to me was silvery clear, and fell as it were +through the air, dividing space with sweetness. It was soft and +resonant, and the thrill of tenderness within it was as though an +angel sang through tears. Never had I heard anything so divinely +pure and compassionate,--and all my being strove to lift itself +towards that supernal height which seemed to be the hidden source of +its melodious utterance. + +"O Soul, wandering in the region of sleep and dreams!" said the +Voice,--"What is all thy searching and labour worth without Love? +Why art thou lost in a Silence without Song?" + +I raised my eyes, seeking for the one who thus spoke to me, but +could see nothing. + +"In Life's great choral symphony"--the Voice continued--"the keynote +of the dominant melody is Love! Without the keynote there can be no +music,--there is dumbness where there should be sound,--there is +discord where there should be harmony. Love!--the one vibrant tone +to which the whole universe moves in tune,--Love, the breath of God, +the pulsation of His Being, the glory of His work, the fulfilment of +His Eternal Joy,--Love, and Love alone, is the web and texture and +garment of happy Immortality! O Soul that seekest the way to wisdom +and to power, what dost thou make of Love?" + +I trembled and stood mute. It seemed that I was surrounded by solemn +Presences whose nearness I could feel but not see, and unknowing who +it was that spoke to me, I was afraid to answer. + +"Far in the Past, thousands of ages ago," went on the Voice--"the +world we call the Sorrowful Star was a perfect note in a perfect +scale. It was in tune with the Divine Symphony. But with the sweep +of centuries it has lagged behind; it has fallen from Light into +Shadow. And rather than rise to Light again, it has made of itself a +discord opposed to the eternal Harmony. It has chosen for its +keynote Hate,--not Love! Each nation envies or despises the other,-- +each man struggles against his fellow-man and grudges his neighbour +every small advantage,--and more than all, each Creed curses the +other, blasphemously calling upon God to verify and fulfil the +curse! Hate, not Love!--this is the false note struck by the pitiful +Earth-world to-day, swinging out of all concordance with spherical +sweetness!--Hate that prefers falsehood to truth, malice to +kindness, selfishness to generosity! O Sorrowful Star!--doomed so +soon to perish!--turn, turn, even in thy last moments, back to the +Divine Ascendant before it is too late!" + +I listened,--and a sense of hopeless fear possessed me. I tried to +speak, and a faint whisper crept from my lips. "Why,"--I murmured to +myself, for I did not suppose anyone could or would hear me--"why +should we and our world perish? We knew so little at the beginning, +and we know so little now,--is it altogether our fault if we have +lost our way?" + +A silence followed. A vague, impalpable sense of restraint and +captivity seemed closing me in on every side,--I was imprisoned, as +I thought, within invisible walls. Then all at once this density of +atmosphere was struck asunder by a dazzling light as of cloven +wings, but I could see no actual shape or even suggestion of +substance--the glowing rays were all. And the Voice spoke again with +grave sweetness and something of reproach. + +"Who speaks of losing the way?" it asked--"when the way is, and has +ever been, clear and plain? Nature teaches it,--Law and Order +support it. Obey and ye shall live: disobey and ye shall die! There +is no other ruling than this out of Chaos! Who is it that speaks of +losing the way, when the way is, and has been and ever shall be, +clear and plain?" + +I stretched out my hands involuntarily. My eyes filled with tears. + +"O Angel invisible!" I prayed--"Forgive my weakness and unwisdom! +How can the world be saved or comforted by a Love it never finds!" + +Again a silence. Again that dazzling, quivering radiance, flashing +as in an atmosphere of powdered gold. + +"What does the world seek most ardently?" it demanded--"The Love of +God?--or the Love of Self? If it seeks the first, all things in +heaven and earth shall be added to its desire--if the second, all +shall be taken from it, even that which it hath!" + +I had, as I thought, no answer to give, but I covered my weeping +eyes with both hands and knelt before the unseen speaker as to some +great Spirit enthroned. + +"Love is not Love that loves Itself,"--went on the Voice--"Self is +the Image, not the God. Wouldst thou have Eternal Life? Then find +the secret in Eternal Love!--'Love, which can move worlds and create +universes,--the love of soul for soul, angel for angel, god for +god!" + +I raised my head, and, uncovering my eyes, looked up. But I could +see nothing save that all-penetrating light which imprisoned me as +it were in a circle of fire. + +"Love is that Power which clasps the things of eternity and makes +them all its own,"--said the Voice in stronger tones of deeper +music--"It builds its solar system, its stars, its planets with a +thought!--it wakes all beauty, all delight with a smile!--it lives +not only now, but for ever, in a heaven of pure joy where every +thousand years is but one summer day! To Love there is no time, no +space, no age, no death!--what it gives it receives again,--what it +longs for comes to it without seeking--God withholds nothing from +the faithful soul!" + +I still knelt, wondering if these words were intended only for me or +for some other listener, for I could not now feel sure that I was +without a companion in this strange experience. + +"There is only one Way of Life,"--went on the Voice--"Only one way-- +the Way of Love! Whosoever loves greatly lives greatly; whosoever +misprizes Love is dead though living. Give all thy heart and soul to +Love if thou wouldst be immortal!--for without Love thou mayst seek +God through all Eternity and never find Him!" + +I waited,--there was a brief silence. Then a sudden wave of music +broke upon my ears,--a breaking foam of rhythmic melody that rose +and fell in a measured cadence of solemn sound. Raising my eyes in +fear and awe, I saw the lambent light around me begin to separate +into countless gradations of delicate colour till presently it +resembled a close and brilliant network of rainbow tints +intermingled with purest gold. It was as if millions of lines had +been drawn with exquisite fineness and precision so as to cause +intersection or 'reciprocal meeting' at given points of calculation, +and these changed into various dazzling forms too brilliant for even +my dreaming sight to follow. Yet I felt myself compelled to study +one particular section of these lines which shone before me in a +kind of pale brightness, and while I looked it varied to more and +more complex 'moods' of colour and light, if one might so express +it, till, by gradual degrees, it returned again to the simpler +combination. + +"Thus are the destinies of human lives woven and interwoven,"--said +the Voice--"From infinite and endless points of light they grow and +part and mingle together, till the destined two are one. Often they +are entangled and disturbed by influences not their own--but from +interference which through weakness or fear they have themselves +permitted. But the tangle is for ever unravelled by Time,--the +parted threads are brought together again in the eternal weaving of +Spirit and Matter. No power, human or divine, can entirely separate +the lives which God has ordained shall come together. Man's +ordainment is not God's ordainment! Wrong threads in the weaving are +broken--no matter how,--no matter when! Love must be tender yet +resolved!--Love must not swerve from its given pledge!--Love must be +All or Nothing!" + +The light network of living golden rays still quivered before my +eyes, till all at once they seemed to change to a rippling sea of +fine flame with waves that gently swayed to and fro, tipped with +foam-crests of prismatic hue like broken rainbows. Wave after wave +swept forward and broke in bright amethystine spray close to me +where I knelt, and as I watched this moving mass of radiant colour +in absorbed fascination, one wave, brilliant as the flush of a +summer's dawn, rippled towards me, and then gently retiring, left a +single rose, crimson and fragrant, close within my reach. I stooped +and caught it quickly--surely it was a real rose from some dewy +garden of the earth, and no dream! + +"One rose from all the roses in Heaven!" said the mystic Voice, in +tones of enthralling sweetness--"One--fadeless and immortal!--only +one, but sufficient for all! One love from all the million loves of +men and women--one, but enough for Eternity! How long the rose has +awaited its flowering,--how long the love has awaited its +fulfilment--only the recording angels know! Such roses bloom but +once in the wilderness of space and time; such love comes but once +in a Universe of worlds!" + +I listened, trembling; I held the rose against my breast between my +clasped hands. + +"O Sorrowful Star!" went on the Voice--"What shall become of thee if +thou forsakest the way of Love! O little Sphere of beauty and +delight, why are thy people so blind! O that their eyes were lifted +unto Heaven!--their hearts to joy!--their souls to love! Who is it +that darkens life with sorrow?--who is it that creates the delusion +of death?" + +I found my speech suddenly. + +"Nay, surely,"--I said, half whispering--"We must all die!" + +"Not so!" and the mystic Voice rang out imperatively--"There is no +death! For God is alive!--and from Him Life only can emanate!" + +I held my peace, moved by a sudden sweet awe. + +"From Eternal Life no death can come,"--continued the Voice--"from +Eternal Love flows Eternal Joy. Change there is,--change there must +be to higher forms and higher planes,--but Life and Love remain as +they are, indestructible--'the same yesterday, to-day, and for +ever!'" + +I bent my face over the rose against my breast,--its perfume was +deliciously soft and penetrating, and half unconsciously I kissed +its velvet petals. As I did this a swift and dazzling radiance +poured shower-like through the air, and again I heard mysterious +chords of rhythmic melody rising and falling like distant waves of +the sea. The grave, tender Voice spoke once again: + +"Rise and go hence!" it said, in tones of thrilling gentleness-- +"Keep the gift God sends thee!--take that which is thine! Meet that +which hath sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside +again, neither by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old +errors prevail! Pass from vision into waking!--from night to day!-- +from seeming death to life!--from loneliness to love!--and keep +within thy heart the message of a Dream!" + +The light beating about me like curved wings slowly paled and as +slowly vanished--yet I felt that I must still kneel and wait. This +atmosphere of awe and trembling gradually passed away,--and then, +rising as I thought, and holding the mystic rose with one hand still +against my breast, I turned to feel my way through the darkness +which now encompassed me. As I did this my other hand was caught by +someone in a warm, eager clasp, and I was guided along with an +infinitely tender yet masterful touch which I had no hesitation in +obeying. Step by step I moved with a strange sense of happy reliance +on my unseen companion--darkness or distance had no terrors for me. +And as I Went onward with my hand held firmly in that close yet +gentle grasp, my thoughts became as it were suddenly cleared into a +heaven of comprehension--I looked back upon years of work spread out +like an arid desert uncheered by any spring of sweet water--and I +saw all that my life had lacked--all to which I had unconsciously +pressed forward longingly without any distinct recognition of my own +aims, and only trusting to the infinite powers of God and Nature to +amend my incompleteness by the perfection of the everlasting Whole. +And now--had the answer come? At any rate, I felt I was no longer +alone. Someone who seemed the natural other half of myself was +beside me in the shadows of sleep--I could have spoken, but would +not, for fear of breaking the charm. + +And so I went on and on, caring little how long the journey might +be, and even vaguely wishing it might continue for ever,--when +presently a faint light began to peer through the gloom--I saw a +glimmer of blue and grey, then white, then rose-colour--and I awoke- +-to find nothing of a visionary character about me unless perhaps a +shaft of early morning sunshine streaming through the port-hole of +my cabin could be called a reflex of the mystic glory which had +surrounded me in sleep. I then remembered where I was,--yet I was so +convinced of the reality of what I had seen and heard that I looked +about me everywhere for that lovely crimson rose I had brought away +with me from Dreamland--for I could actually feel its stem still +between my fingers. It was not to be seen--but there was delicate +fragrance on the air as if it were blooming near me--a fragrance so +fine that nothing could describe its subtly pervading odour. Every +word spoken by the Voice of my dream was vividly impressed on my +brain, and more vivid still was the recollection of the hand that +had clasped mine and led me out of sleep to waking. I was conscious +of its warmth yet,--and I was troubled, even while I was soothed, by +the memory of the lingering caress with which it had been at last +withdrawn. And I wondered as I lay for a few moments in my bed +inert, and thinking of all that had chanced to me in the night, +whether the long earnest patience of my soul, ever turned as it had +been for years towards the attainment of a love higher than all +earthly attraction, was now about to be recompensed? I knew, and had +always known, that whatsoever we strongly WILL to possess comes to +us in due season; and that steadily resolved prayers are always +granted; the only drawback to the exertion of this power is the +doubt as to whether the thing we desire so ardently will work us +good or ill. For there is no question but that what we seek we shall +find. I had sought long and unwearyingly for the clue to the secret +of life imperishable and love eternal,--was the mystery about to be +unveiled? I could not tell--and I dare not humour the mere thought +too long. Shaking my mind free from the web of marvel and perplexity +in which it had been caught by the visions of the night, I placed +myself in a passively receptive attitude--demanding nothing, fearing +nothing, hoping nothing--but simply content with actual Life, +feeling Life to be the outcome and expression of perfect Love. + + + + +IV + +A BUNCH OF HEATHER + + +It was a glorious morning, and so warm that I went up on deck +without any hat or cloak, glad to have the sunlight playing on my +hair and the soft breeze blowing on my face. The scene was perfectly +enchanting; the mountains were bathed in a delicate rose-purple glow +reflected from the past pomp of the sun's rising,--the water was +still as an inland lake, and every mast and spar of the 'Diana' was +reflected in it as in a mirror. A flock of sea-gulls floated round +our vessel, like fairy boats--some of them rising every now and then +with eager cries to wing their graceful flight high through the calm +air, and alight again with a flash of silver pinions on the +translucent blue. While I stood gazing in absorbed delight at the +beauty which everywhere surrounded me, Captain Derrick called to me +from his little bridge, where he stood with folded arms, looking +down. + +"Good morning! What do you think of the mystery now?" + +"Mystery?" And then his meaning flashed upon me. "Oh, the yacht that +anchored near us last night! Where is she?" + +"Just so!" And the captain's look expressed volumes--"Where is she?" + +Oddly enough, I had not thought of the stranger vessel till this +moment, though the music sounding from her deck had been the last +thing which had haunted my ears before I had slept--and dreamed! And +now--she was gone! There was not a sign of her anywhere. + +I looked up at the captain on his bridge and smiled. "She must have +started very early!" I said. + +The captain's fuzzy brows met portentously. + +"Ay! Very early! So early that the watch never saw her go. He must +have missed an hour and she must have gained one." + +"It's rather strange, isn't it?" I said--"May I come on the bridge?" + +"Certainly." + +I ran up the little steps and stood beside him, looking out to the +farthest line of sea and sky. + +"What do you think about it?" I asked, laughingly, "Was she a real +yacht or a ghost?" + +The captain did not smile. His brow was furrowed with perplexed +consideration. + +"She wasn't a ghost," he said--"but her ways were ghostly. That is, +she made no noise,--and she sailed without wind. Mr. Harland may say +what he likes,--I stick to that. She had no steam, but she carried +full sail, and she came into the Sound with all her canvas bellying +out as though she were driven by a stormy sou'wester. There's been +no wind all night--yet she's gone, as you see--and not a man on +board heard the weighing of her anchor. When she went and how she +went beats me altogether!" + +At that moment we caught sight of a small rowing boat coming out to +us from the shore, pulled by one man, who bent to his oars in a +slow, listless way as though disinclined for the labour. + +"Boat ahoy!" shouted the captain. + +The man looked up and signalled in answer. A couple of our sailors +went to throw him a rope as he brought his craft alongside. He had +come, so he slowly explained in his soft, slow, almost +unintelligible Highland dialect, with fresh eggs and butter, hoping +to effect a sale. The steward was summoned, and bargaining began. I +listened and looked on, amused and interested, and I presently +suggested to the captain that it might be as well to ask this man if +he too had seen the yacht whose movements appeared so baffling and +inexplicable. The captain at once took the hint. + +"Say, Donald," he began, invitingly--"did you see the big yacht that +came in last night about ten o'clock?" + +"Ou ay!" was the slow answer--"But my name's no Tonald,--it's just +Jamie." + +Captain Derrick laughed jovially. + +"Beg pardon! Jamie, then! Did you see the yacht?" + +"Ou ay! I've seen her mony a day. She's a real shentleman." + +I smiled. + +"The yacht?" + +Jamie looked up at me. + +"Ah, my leddy, ye'll pe makin' a fule o' Jamie wi' a glance like a +sun-sparkle on the sea! Jamie's no fule wi' the right sort, an' the +yacht is a shentleman, an' the shentleman's the yacht, for it's the +shentleman that pays whateffer." + +Captain Derrick became keenly interested. + +"The gentleman? The owner of the yacht, you mean?" + +Jamie nodded--"Just that!"--and proceeded to count out his store of +new-laid eggs with great care as he placed them in the steward's +basket. + +"What's his name?" + +"Ah, that's ower mickle learnin',"--said Jamie, with a cunning look- +-"I canna say it rightly." + +"Can you say it wrongly?" I suggested. + +"I wadna!" he replied, and he lifted his eyes, which were dark and +piercing, to my face--"I daurna!" + +"Is he such a very terrible gentleman, then?" enquired Captain +Derrick, jocosely. + +Jamie's countenance was impenetrable. + +"Ye'll pe seein' her for yourself whateffer,"--he said--"Ye'll no +miss her in the waters 'twixt here an' Skye." + +He stooped and fumbled in his basket, presently bringing out of it a +small bunch of pink bell-heather,--the delicate waxen type of +blossom which is found only in mossy, marshy places. + +"The shentleman wanted as much as I could find o' this,"--he said-- +"An' he had it a' but this wee bittie. Will my leddy wear it for +luck?" + +I took it from his hand. + +"As a gift?" I asked, smiling. + +"I wadna tak ony money for't,"--he answered, with a curious +expression of something like fear passing over his brown, weather- +beaten features--"'Tis fairies' making." + +I put the little bunch in my dress. As I did so, he doffed his cap. + +"Good day t'ye! I'll be no seein' ye this way again!" + +"Why not? How do you know?" + +"One way in and another way out!" he said, his voice sinking to a +sort of meditative croon--"One road to the West, and the other to +the East!--and round about to the meeting-place! Ou ay! Ye'll mak it +clear sailin'!" + +"Without wind, eh?" interposed Captain Derrick--"Like your friend +the 'shentleman'? How does he manage that business?" + +Jamie looked round with a frightened air, like an animal scenting +danger,--then, shouldering his empty basket, he gave us a hasty nod +of farewell, and, scrambling down the companion ladder without +another word, was soon in his boat again, rowing away steadily and +never once looking back. + +"A wild chap!" said the captain--"Many of these fellows get half +daft, living so much alone in desolate places like Mull, and seeing +nothing all their time but cloud and mountain and sea. He seems to +know something about that yacht, though!" + +"That yacht is on your brain, Captain!" I said, merrily--"I feel +quite sorry for you! And yet I daresay if we meet her again the +mystery will turn out to be very simple." + +"It will have to be either very simple or very complex!" he +answered, with a laugh--"I shall need a good deal of teaching to +show me how a sailing yacht can make steam speed without wind. Ah, +good morning, sir!" + +And we both turned to greet Mr. Harland, who had just come up on +deck. He looked ill and careworn, as though he had slept badly, and +he showed but faint interest in the tale of the strange yacht's +sudden exit. + +"It amuses you, doesn't it?"--he said, addressing me with a little +cynical smile wrinkling up his forehead and eyes--"Anything that +cannot be at once explained is always interesting and delightful to +a woman! That is why spiritualistic 'mediums' make money. They do +clever tricks which cannot be explained, hence their success with +the credulous." + +"Quite so"--I replied--"but just allow me to say that I am no +believer in 'mediums.'" + +"True,--I forgot!" He rubbed his hand wearily over his brows--then +asked--"Did you sleep well?" + +"Splendidly! And I must really thank you for my lovely rooms,--they +are almost too luxurious! They are fit for a princess." + +"Why a princess?" he queried, ironically--"Princesses are not always +agreeable personages. I know one or two,--fat, ugly and stupid. Some +of them are dirty in their persons and in their habits. There are +certain 'princesses' in Europe who ought to be washed and +disinfected before being given any rooms anywhere!" + +I laughed. + +"Oh, you are very bitter!" I said. + +"Not at all. I like accuracy. 'Princess' to the ingenuous mind +suggests a fairy tale. I have not an ingenuous mind. I know that the +princesses of the fairy tales do not exist,--unless you are one." + +"Me!" I exclaimed, in amazement--"I'm very far from that--" + +"Well, you are a dreamer!" he said, and resting his arms on the deck +rail he looked away from me down into the sunlit sea--"You do not +live here in this world with us--you think you do,--and yet in your +own mind you know you do not. You dream--and your life is that of +vision simply. I'm not sure that I should like to see you wake. For +as long as you can dream you will believe in the fairy tale;--the +'princess' of Hans Andersen and the Brothers Grimm holds good--and +that is why you should have pretty things about you,--music, roses +and the like trifles,--to keep up the delicate delusion." + +I was surprised and just a little vexed at his way of talking. Why, +even with the underlying flattery of his words, should he call me a +dreamer? I had worked for my own living as practically as himself in +the world, and if not with such financially successful results, only +because my aims had never been mere money-spinning. He had attained +enormous wealth,--I a modest competence,--he was old and I was +young,--he was ill and miserable,--I was well and happy,--which of +us was the 'dreamer'? My thoughts were busy with this question, and +he saw it. + +"Don't perplex yourself,"--he said,--"and don't be offended with me +for my frankness. My view of life is not yours,--nor are we ever +likely to see things from the same standpoint. Yours is the more +enviable condition. You are looking well,--you feel well--you are +well! Health is the best of all things." He paused, and lifting his +eyes from the contemplation of the water, regarded me fixedly. +"That's a lovely bit of bell-heather you're wearing! It glows like +fiery topaz." + +I explained how it had been given to me. + +"Why, then, you've already established a connection with the strange +yacht!" he said, laughing--"The owner, according to your Highland +fellow, has the same blossoms on board,--probably gathered from the +same morass!--surely this is quite romantic and exciting!" + +And at breakfast, when Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton appeared, they all +made conversation on the subject of my bunch of heather, till I got +rather tired of it, and was half inclined to take it off and throw +it away. Yet somehow I could not do this. Glancing at my own +reflection in a mirror, I saw what a brilliant yet dainty touch of +colour it gave to the plain white serge of my yachting dress,--it +was a pretty contrast, and I left it alone. + +Miss Catherine did not get up to breakfast, but she sent for me +afterwards and asked if I would mind sitting with her for a while. I +did mind in a way,--for the day was fair and fine,--the 'Diana' was +preparing to pursue her course,--and it was far pleasanter to be on +deck in the fresh air than in Miss Catherine's state-room, which, +though quite spacious for a yacht's accommodation, looked rather +dreary, having no carpet on the floor, no curtains to the bed, and +no little graces of adornment anywhere,--nothing but a few shelves +against the wall on which were ranged some blue and black medicine +bottles, relieved by a small array of pill-boxes. But I felt sorry +for the poor woman who had elected to make her life a martyrdom to +nerves, and real or imaginary aches and pains, so I went to her, +determined to do what I could to cheer and rouse her from her +condition of chronic depression. Directly I entered her cabin she +said: + +"Where did you get that bright bit of heather?" + +I told her the whole story, to which she listened with more patience +than she usually showed for any talk in which she had not first +share. + +"It's really quite interesting!" she said, with a reluctant smile-- +"I suppose it was the strange yacht that had the music on board last +night. It kept me awake. I thought it was some tiresome person out +in a boat with a gramophone." + +I laughed. + +"Oh, Miss Harland!" I exclaimed--"Surely you could not have thought +it a gramophone! Such music! It was perfectly exquisite!" + +"Was it?" And she drew the ugly grey woollen shawl in which she was +wrapped closer about her sallow throat as she sat up in her bed and +looked at me--"Well, it may have been, to you,--you seem to find +delight in everything,--I'm sure I don't know why! Of course it's +very nice to have such a happy disposition--but really that music +teased me dreadfully. Such a bore having music when you want to go +to sleep." + +I was silent, and having a piece of embroidery to occupy my hands I +began to work at it. + +"I hope you're quite comfortable on board,"--she resumed, presently- +-"Have you all you want in your rooms?" + +I assured her that everything was perfect. + +She sighed. + +"I wish I could say the same!" she said--"I really hate yachting, +but father likes it, so I must sacrifice myself." Here she sighed +again. I saw she was really convinced that she was immolating +herself on the altar of filial obedience. "You know he is very +ill,"--she went on--"and that he cannot live long?" + +"He told me something about it,"--I answered--"and I said then, as I +say now, that the doctors may be wrong." + +"Oh no, they cannot be wrong in his case," she declared, shaking her +head dismally--"They know the symptoms, and they can only avert the +end for a time. I'm very thankful Dr. Brayle was able to come with +us on this trip." + +"I suppose he is paid a good deal for his services?" I said. + +"Eight hundred guineas"--she answered--"But, you see, he has to +leave his patients in London, and find another man to attend to them +during his absence. He is so very clever and so much sought after--I +don't know what I should do without him, I'm sure!" + +"Has he any special treatment for you?" I asked. + +"Oh yes,--he gives me electricity. He has a wonderful battery--he +has got it fitted up here in the next cabin--and while I hold two +handles he turns it on and it runs all over me. I feel always better +for the moment--but the effect soon passes." + +I looked at her with a smile. + +"I should think so! Dear Miss Harland, do you really believe in that +way of administering electricity?" + +"Of course I do!" she answered--"You see, it's all a question of +what they call bacteriology nowadays. Medicine is no use unless it +can kill the microbes that are eating us up inside and out. And +there's scarcely any drug that can do that. Electricity is the only +remedy. It gives the little brutes a shock;"--and the poor lady +laughed weakly--"and it kills some, but not all. It's a dreadful +scheme of creation, don't you think, to make human beings no better +than happy hunting grounds for invisible creatures to feed upon?" + +"It depends on what view you take of it,"--I said, laying down my +work and trying to fix her attention, a matter which was always +difficult--"We human beings are composed of good and evil particles. +If the good are encouraged, they drive out the evil,--if the evil, +they drive out the good. It's the same with the body as the soul,-- +if we encourage the health-working 'microbes' as you call them, they +will drive out disease from the human organism altogether." + +She sank back on her pillow wearily. + +"We can't do it,"--she said--"All the chances are against us. What's +the use of our trying to encourage 'health-working microbes'? The +disease-working ones have got the upper hand. Just think!--our +parents, grandparents and great-grandparents are to blame for half +our evils. Their diseases become ours in various new forms. It's +cruel,--horrible! How anyone can believe that a God of Love created +such a frightful scheme passes my comprehension! The whole thing is +a mere business of eating to be eaten!" + +She looked so wan and wild that I pitied her greatly. + +"Surely that is not what you think at the bottom of your heart?" I +said, gently--"I should be very sorry for you if I thought you +really meant what you say." + +"Well, you may be as sorry for me as you like"--and the poor lady +blinked away tears from her eyes--"I need someone to be sorry for +me! I tell you my life is a perfect torture. Every day I wonder how +long I can bear it! I have such dreadful thoughts! I picture the +horrible things that are happening to different people all over the +world, nobody helping them or caring for them, and I almost feel as +if I must scream for mercy. It wouldn't be any use screaming,--but +the scream is in my soul all the same. People in prisons, people in +shipwrecks, people dying by inches in hospitals, no good in their +lives and no hope--and not a sign of comfort from the God whom the +Churches praise! It's awful! I don't see how anybody can do anything +or be ambitious for anything--it's all mere waste of energy. One of +the reasons that made me so anxious to have you come on this trip +with us is that you always seem contented and happy,--and I want to +know why? It's a question of temperament, I suppose--but do tell me +why!" + +She stretched out her hand and touched mine appealingly. I took her +worn and wasted fingers in my own and pressed them sympathetically. + +"My dear Miss Harland,"--I began. + +"Oh, call me Catherine"--she interrupted--"I'm so tired of being +Miss Harland!" + +"Well, Catherine, then,"--I said, smiling a little--"Surely you know +why I am contented and happy?" + +"No, I do not,"--she said, with quick, almost querulous? eagerness-- +"I don't understand it at all. You have none of the things that +please women. You don't seem to care about dress though you are +always well-gowned--you don't go to balls or theatres or race- +meetings,--you are a general favourite, yet you avoid society,-- +you've never troubled yourself to take your chances of marriage,-- +and so far as I know or have heard tell about you, you haven't even +a lover!" + +My cheeks grew suddenly warm. A curious resentment awoke in me at +her words--had I indeed no lover? Surely I had!--one that I knew +well and had known for a long time,--one for whom I had guarded my +life sacredly as belonging to another as well as to myself,--a lover +who loved me beyond all power of human expression,--here the rush of +strange and inexplicable emotion in me was hurled back on my mind +with a shock of mingled terror and surprise from a dead wall of +stony fact,--it was true, of course, and Catherine Harland was +right--I had no lover. No man had ever loved me well enough to be +called by such a name. The flush cooled off my face,--the hurry of +my thoughts slackened,--I took up my embroidery and began to work at +it again. + +"That is so, isn't it?" persisted Miss Harland--"Though you blush +and grow pale as if there was someone in the background." + +I met her inquisitive glance and smiled. + +"There is no one,"--I said--"There never has been anyone." I paused; +I could almost feel the warmth of the strong hand that had held mine +in my dream of the past night. It was mere fancy, and I went on--"I +should not care for what modern men and women call love. It seems +very unsatisfactory." + +She sighed. + +"It is frequently very selfish,"--she said--"I want to tell you my +love-story--may I?" + +"Why, of course!" I answered, a little wonderingly, for I had not +thought she had a love-story to tell. + +"It's very brief,"--she said, and her lip quivered--"There was a man +who used to visit our house very often when I first came out,--he +made me believe he was very fond of me. I was more than fond of him- +-I almost worshipped him. He was all the world to me, and though +father did not like him very much he wished me to be happy, so we +were engaged. That was the time of my life--the only time I ever +knew what happiness was. One evening, just about three months before +we were to be married, we were together at a party in the house of +one of our mutual friends, and I heard him talking rather loudly in +a room where he and two or three other men had gone to smoke. He +said something that made me stand still and wonder whether I was mad +or dreaming. 'Pity me when I'm married to Catherine Harland!' Pity +him? I listened,--I knew it was wrong to listen, but I could not +help myself. 'Well, you'll get enough cash with her to set you all +right in the world, anyhow,'--said another man, 'You can put up with +a plain wife for the sake of a pretty fortune.' Then he,--my love!-- +spoke again--'Oh, I shall make the best of it,' he said--'I must +have money somehow, and this is the easiest way. There's one good +thing about modern life,--husbands and wives don't hunt in couples +as they used to do, so when once the knot is tied I shall shift my +matrimonial burden off my shoulders as much as I can. She'll amuse +herself with her clothes and the household,--and she's fond of me, +so I shall always have my own way. But it's an awful martyrdom to +have to marry one woman on account of empty pockets when you're in +love with another.' I heard,--and then--I don't know what happened." + +Her eyes stared at me so pitifully that I was full of sorrow for +her. + +"Oh, you poor Catherine!" I said, and taking her hand, I kissed it +gently. The tears in her eyes brimmed over. + +"They found me lying on the floor insensible,"--she went on, +tremulously--"And I was very ill for a long time afterwards. People +could not understand it when I broke off my engagement. I told +nobody why--except HIM. He seemed sorry and a little ashamed,--but I +think he was more vexed at losing my fortune than anything else. I +said to him that I had never thought about being plain,--that the +idea of his loving me had made me feel beautiful. That was true!--my +dear, I almost believe I should have grown into beauty if I had been +sure of his love." + +I understood that; she was perfectly right in what to the entirely +commonplace person would seem a fanciful theory. Love makes all +things fair, and anyone who is conscious of being tenderly loved +grows lovely, as a rose that is conscious of the sun grows into form +and colour. + +"Well, it was all over then,"--she ended, with a sigh, "I never was +quite myself again--I think my nerves got a sort of shock such as +the great novelist, Charles Dickens had when he was in the railway +accident--you remember the tale in Forster's 'Life'? How the +carriage hung over the edge of an embankment but did not actually +fall,--and Dickens was clinging on to it all the time. He never got +over it, and it was the remote cause of his death five years later. +Now I have felt just like that,--my life has hung over a sort of +chasm ever since I lost my love, and I only cling on." + +"But surely,"--I ventured to say--"surely there are other things to +live for than just the memory of one man's love which was not love +at all! You seem to think there was some cruelty or unhappiness in +the chance that separated you from him,--but really it was a special +mercy and favour of God--only you have taken it in the wrong way." + +"I have taken it in the only possible way,"--she said--"With +resignation." + +"Oh, do you call it resignation?" I exclaimed--"To make a misery of +what should have been a gladness? Think of the years and years of +wretchedness you might have passed with a man who was a merely +selfish fortune-hunter! You would have had to see him grow colder +and more callous every day--your heart would have been torn, your +spirit broken--and God spared you all this by giving you your chance +of freedom! Such a chance! You might have made much of it, if you +had only chosen!" + +She looked at me, but did not speak. + +"Love comes to us in a million beautiful ways,"--I went on, heedless +of how she might take my words--"The ordinary love,--or, I would +say, the ordinary mating and marriage is only ONE way. You cannot +live in the world without being loved--if you love!" + +She moved on her pillows restlessly. + +"I can't see what you mean,"--she said--"How can I love? I have +nothing to love!" + +"But do you not see that you are shutting yourself out from love?" I +said--"You will not have it! You bar its approach. You encourage +your sad and morbid fancies, and think of illness when you might +just as well think of health. Oh, I know you will say I am 'up in +the air' as your father expresses it,--but it's true all the same +that if you love everything in Nature--yes, everything!--sunshine, +air, cloud, rain, trees, birds, blossom,--they will love you in +return and give you some of their life and strength and beauty." + +She smiled,--a very bitter little smile. + +"You talk like a poet,"--she said--"And of all things in the world I +hate poetry! There!--don't think me cross! Go along and be happy in +your own strange fanciful way! I cannot be other than I am,--Dr. +Brayle will tell you that I'm not strong enough to share in other +people's lives and aims and pleasures,--I must always consider +myself." + +"Dr. Brayle tells you that?" I queried--"To consider yourself?" + +"Of course he does. If I had not considered myself every hour and +every day, I should have been dead long ago. I have to consider +everything I eat and drink lest it should make me ill." + +I rose from my seat beside her. + +"I wish I could cure you!" I murmured. + +"My dear girl, if you could, you would, I am sure,"--she answered-- +"You are very kind-hearted. It has done me good to talk to you and +tell you all my sad little history. I shall get up presently and +have my electricity and feel quite bright for a time. But as for a +cure, you might as well try to cure my father." + +"None are cured of any ailment unless they resolve to help along the +cure themselves," I said. + +She gave a weary little laugh. + +"Ah, that's one of your pet theories, but it's no use to me! I'm +past all helping of myself, so you may give me up as a bad job!" + +"But you asked me," I went on--"did you not, to tell you why it is +that I am contented and happy? Do you really want to know?" + +A vague distrust crept into her faded eyes. + +"Not if it's a theory!" she said--"I should not have the brain or +the patience to think it out." + +I laughed. + +"It's not a theory, it's a truth"--I answered--"But truth is +sometimes more difficult than theory." + +She looked at me half in wonder, half in appeal. + +"Well, what is it?" + +"Just this"--and I knelt beside her for a moment holding her hand-- +"I KNOW that there are no external surroundings which we do not make +for ourselves, and that our troubles are born of our own wrong +thinking, and are not sent from God. I train my Soul to be calm,-- +and my body obeys my Soul. That's all!" + +Her fingers closed on mine nervously. + +"But what's the use of telling me this?" she half whispered--"I +don't believe in God or the Soul!" + +I rose from my kneeling attitude. + +"Poor Catherine!" I said--"Then indeed it is no use telling you +anything! You are in darkness instead of daylight, and no one can +make you see. Oh, what can I do to help you?" + +"Nothing,"--she answered--"My faith--it was never very much,--was +taken from me altogether when I was quite young. Father made it seem +absurd. He's a clever man, you know--and in a few words he makes out +religion to be utter nonsense." + +"I understand!" + +And indeed I did entirely understand. Her father was one of a +rapidly increasing class of men who are a danger to the community,-- +a cold, cynical shatterer of every noble ideal,--a sneerer at +patriotism and honour,--a deliberate iconoclast of the most callous +and remorseless type. That he had good points in his character was +not to be denied,--a murderer may have these. But to be in his +company for very long was to feel that there is no good in anything- +-that life is a mistake of Nature, and death a fortunate ending of +the blunder--that God is a delusion and the 'Soul' a mere expression +signifying certain intelligent movements of the brain only. + +I stood silently thinking these things, while she watched me rather +wistfully. Presently she said: + +"Are you going on deck now?" + +"Yes." + +"I'll join you all at luncheon. Don't lose that bit of heather in +your dress,--it's really quite brilliant--like a jewel." + +I hesitated a moment. + +"You're not vexed with me for speaking as I have done?" I asked her. + +"Vexed? No, indeed! I love to hear you and see you defending your +own fairy ground! For it IS like a fairy tale, you know--all that +YOU believe!" + +"It has practical results, anyway!"--I answered--"You must admit +that." + +"Yes--I know,--and it's just what I can't understand. We'll have +another talk about it some day. Would you tell Dr. Brayle that I +shall be ready for him in ten minutes?" + +I assented, and left her. I made for the deck directly, the air +meeting me with a rush of salty softness as I ran up the saloon +stairway. What a glorious day it was! Sky, sea and mountains were +bathed in brilliant sunshine; the 'Diana' was cutting her path +swiftly through waters which marked her course on either side by a +streak of white foam. I mentally contrasted the loveliness of the +scene around me with the stuffy cabin I had just left, and seeing +Dr. Brayle smoking comfortably in a long reclining chair and reading +a paper I went up to him and touched him on the shoulder. + +"Your patient wants you in ten minutes,"--I said. + +He rose to his feet at once, courteously offering me a chair, which +I declined, and drew his cigar from his mouth. + +"I have two patients on board,"--he answered, smiling--"Which one?" + +"The one who is your patient from choice, not necessity,"--I +replied, coolly. + +"My dear lady!" His eyes blinked at me with a furtive astonishment-- +"If you were not so charming I should say you were--well!--SHALL I +say it?--a trifle opinionated!" + +I laughed. + +"Granted!" I said--"If it is opinionated to be honest I plead +guilty! Miss Harland is as well as you or I,--she's only morbid." + +"True!--but morbidness is a form of illness,--a malady of the +nerves--" + +I laughed again, much to his visible annoyance. + +"Curable by outward applications of electricity?" I queried--"When +the mischief is in the mind? But there!--I mustn't interfere, I +suppose! Nevertheless you keep Miss Harland ill when she might be +quite well." + +A disagreeable line furrowed the corners of his mouth. + +"You think so? Among your many accomplishments do you count the art +of medicine?" + +I met his shifty brown eyes, and he dropped them quickly. + +"I know nothing about it,"--I answered--"Except this--that the cure +of any mind trouble must come from within--not from without. And I'm +not a Christian Scientist either?" + +He smiled cynically. "Really not? I should have thought you were!" + +"You would make a grave error if you thought so," I responded, +curtly. + +A keen and watchful interest flashed over his dark face. + +"I should very much like to know what your theories are"--he said, +suddenly--"You interest me greatly." + +"I'm sure I do!" I answered, smiling. + +He looked me up and down for a moment in perplexity--then shrugged +his shoulders. + +"You are a strange creature!" he said--"I cannot make you out. If I +were asked to give a 'professional' opinion of you I should say you +were very neurotic and highly-strung, and given over to self- +delusions." + +"Thanks!"--and I made him a demure little curtsy. "I look it, don't +I?" + +"No--you don't look it; but looks are deceptive." + +"There I agree with you,"--I said--"But one has to go by them +sometimes. If I am 'neurotic,' my looks do not pity me, and my +condition of health leaves nothing to desire." + +His brows met in a slight frown. He glanced at his watch. + +"I must go,"--he said--"Miss Harland will be waiting." + +"And the electricity will get cold!" I added, gaily. "See if you can +feel my 'neurotic' pulse!" + +He took the hand I extended--and remained quite still. Conscious of +the secret force I had within myself I resolved to try if I could +use it upon him in such a way as to keep him a prisoner till I chose +to let him go. I watched him till his eyes began to look vague and a +kind of fixity settled on his features,--he was perfectly +unconscious that I held him at my pleasure,--and presently, +satisfied with my experiment, I relaxed the spell and withdrew my +hand. + +"Quite regular, isn't it?" I said, carelessly. + +He started as if roused from a sleep, but replied quickly: + +"Yes--oh yes--perfectly!--I had almost forgotten what I was doing. I +was thinking of something else. Miss Harland--" + +"Yes, Miss Harland is ready for you by this time"--and I smiled. +"You must tell her I detained you." + +He nodded in a more or less embarrassed manner, and turning away +from me, went rather slowly down the saloon stairs. + +I gave a sigh of relief when he was gone. I had from the first +moment of our meeting recognised in him a mental organisation which +in its godless materialism and indifference to consequences, was +opposed to every healthful influence that might be brought to bear +on his patients for their well-being, whatever his pretensions to +medical skill might be. It was to his advantage to show them the +worst side of a disease in order to accentuate his own cleverness in +dealing with it,--it served his purpose to pamper their darkest +imaginings, play with their whims and humour their caprices,--I saw +all this and understood it. And I was glad that so far as I might be +concerned, I had the power to master him. + + + + +V + +AN UNEXPECTED MEETING + + +To spend a few days on board a yacht with the same companions is a +very good test of the value of sympathetic vibration in human +associations. I found it so. I might as well have been quite alone +on the 'Diana' as with Morton Harland and his daughter, though they +were always uniformly kind to me and thoughtful of my comfort. But +between us there was 'a great gulf fixed,' though every now and +again Catherine Harland made feeble and pathetic efforts to cross +that gulf and reach me where I stood on the other side. But her +strength was not equal to the task,--her will-power was sapped at +its root, and every day she allowed herself to become more and more +pliantly the prey of Dr. Brayle, who, with a subconscious feeling +that I knew him to be a mere medical charlatan, had naturally warned +her against me as an imaginative theorist without any foundation of +belief in my own theories. I therefore shut myself within a fortress +of reserve, and declined to discuss any point of either religion or +science with those for whom the one was a farce and the other mere +materialism. At all times when we were together I kept the +conversation deliberately down to commonplaces which were safe, if +dull,--and it amused me not a little to see that at this course of +action on my part Mr. Harland was first surprised, then disappointed +and finally bored. And I was glad. That I should bore him as much as +he bored me was the happy consummation of my immediate desires. I +talked as all conventional women talk, of the weather, of our +minimum and maximum speed, of the newspaper 'sensations' and +vulgarities that were served up to us whenever we called at a port +for the mails,--of the fish that frequented such and such waters, of +sport, of this and that millionaire whose highland castle or +shooting-box was crammed with the 'elite' whose delight is to kill +innocent birds and animals,--of the latest fool-flyers in +aeroplanes,--in short, no fashionable jabberer of social inanities +could have beaten me in what average persons call 'common-sense +talk,'--talk which resulted after a while in the usual vagueness of +attention accompanied by smothered yawning. I was resolved not to +lift the line of thought 'up in the air' in the manner whereof I had +often been accused, but to keep it level with the ground. So that +when we left Tobermory, where we had anchored for a couple of days, +the limits of the yacht were becoming rather cramped and narrow for +our differing minds, and a monotony was beginning to set in that +threatened to be dangerous, if not unbearable. As the 'Diana' +steamed along through the drowsy misty light of the summer +afternoon, past the jagged coast of the mainland, I sat quite by +myself on deck, watching the creeping purple haze that partially +veiled the mountains of Ardnamurchan and Moidart, and I began to +wonder whether after all it might not be better to write to my +friend Francesca and tell her that her prophecies had already come +true,--that I was beginning to be weary of a holiday passed in an +atmosphere bereft of all joyousness, and that she must expect me in +Inverness-shire at once. And yet I was reluctant to end my trip with +the Harlands too soon. There was a secret wish in my heart which I +hardly breathed to myself,--a wish that I might again see the +strange vessel that had appeared and disappeared so suddenly, and +make the acquaintance of its owner. It would surely be an +interesting break in the present condition of things, to say the +least of it. I did not know then (though I know now) why my mind so +persistently busied itself with the fancied personality of the +unknown possessor of the mysterious craft which, as Captain Derrick +said, 'sailed without wind,' but I found myself always thinking +about him and trying to picture his face and form. + +I took myself sharply to task for what I considered a foolish mental +attitude,--but do what I would, the attitude remained unchanged. It +was helped, perhaps, in a trifling way by the apparently fadeless +quality of the pink bell-heather which had been given me by the +weird-looking Highland fellow who called himself Jamie, for though +three or four days had now passed since I first wore it, it showed +no signs of withering. As a rule the delicate waxen bells of this +plant turn yellow a few hours after they are plucked,--but my little +bunch was as brilliantly fresh as ever. I kept it in a glass without +water on the table in my sitting-room and it looked always the same. +I was questioning myself as to what I should really do if my +surroundings remained as hopelessly inert and uninteresting as they +were at present,--go on with the 'Diana' for a while longer on the +chance of seeing the strange yacht again--or make up my mind to get +put out at some point from which I could reach Inverness easily, +when Mr. Harland came up suddenly behind my chair and laid his hand +on my shoulder. + +"Are you in dreamland?" he enquired--and I thought his voice sounded +rather weak and dispirited--"There's a wonderful light on those +hills just now." + +I raised my eyes and saw the purple shadows being cloven and +scattered one after another, by long rays of late sunshine that +poured like golden wine through the dividing wreaths of vapour,-- +above, the sky was pure turquoise blue, melting into pale opal and +emerald near the line of the grey sea which showed little flecks of +white foam under the freshening breeze. Bringing my gaze down from +the dazzling radiance of the heavens, I turned towards Mr. Harland +and was startled and shocked to see the drawn and livid pallor of +his face and the anguish of his expression. + +"You are ill!" I exclaimed, and springing up in haste I offered him +my chair--"Do sit down!" + +He made a mute gesture of denial, and with slow difficulty drew +another chair up beside mine, and dropped into it with an air of +heavy weariness. + +"I am not ill now,"--he said--"A little while ago I was very ill. I +was in pain--horrible pain! Brayle did what he could for me--it was +not much. He says I must expect to suffer now and again--until-- +until the end." + +Impulsively I laid my hand on his. + +"I am very sorry!" I said, gently--"I wish I could be of some use to +you!" + +He looked at me with a curious wistfulness. + +"You could, no doubt, if I believed as you do,"--he replied, and +then was silent for a moment. Presently he spoke again. + +"Do you know I am rather disappointed in you?" + +"Are you?" And I smiled a little--"Why?" + +He did not answer at once. He seemed absorbed in troubled musings. +When he resumed, it was in a low, meditative tone, almost as if he +were speaking to himself. + +"When I first met you--you remember?--at one of those social +'crushes' which make the London season so infinitely tedious,--I was +told you were gifted with unusual psychic power, and that you had in +yourself the secret of an abounding exhaustless vitality. I repeat +the words--an abounding exhaustless vitality. This interested me, +because I know that our modern men and women are mostly only half +alive. I heard of you that it did people good to be in your +company,--that your influence upon them was remarkable, and that +there was some unknown form of occult, or psychic science to which +you had devoted years of study, with the result that you stood, as +it were, apart from the world though in the world. This, I say, is +what I heard--" + +"But you did not believe it,"--I interposed. + +"Why do you say that?" he asked, quickly. + +"Because I know you could not believe it,"--I answered--"It would be +impossible for you." + +A gleam of satire flashed in his sunken eyes. + +"Well, you are right there! I did not believe it. But I expected--" + +"I know!" And I laughed--"You expected what is called a 'singular' +woman--one who makes herself 'singular,' adopts a 'singular' pose, +and is altogether removed from ordinary humanity. And of course you +are disappointed. I am not at all a type of the veiled priestess." + +"It is not that,"--he said, with a little vexation--"When I saw you +I recognised you to be a very transparent creature, devoted to +innocent dreams which are not life. But that secret which you are +reported to possess--the secret of wonderful abounding exhaustless +vitality--how does it happen that you have it? I myself see that +force expressed in your very glance and gesture, and what puzzles me +is that it is not an animal vitality; it is something else." + +I was silent. + +"You have not a robust physique,"--he went on--"Yet you are more +full of the spirit of life than men and women twice as strong as you +are. You are a feminine thing, too,--and that goes against you. But +one can see in you a worker--you evidently enjoy the exercise of the +accomplishments you possess--and nothing comes amiss to you. I +wonder how you manage it? When you joined us on this trip a few days +ago, you brought a kind of atmosphere with you that was almost +buoyant, and now I am disappointed, because you seem to have +enclosed yourself within it, and to have left us out!" + +"Have you not left yourselves out?" I queried, gently. "I, +personally, have really nothing to do with it. Just remember that +when we have talked on any subject above the line of the general and +commonplace your sole object has been to 'draw' me for the amusement +of yourself and Dr. Brayle--" + +"Ah, you saw that, did you?" he interrupted, with a faint smile. + +"Naturally! Had you believed half you say you were told of me, you +would have known I must have seen it. Can you wonder that I refuse +to be 'drawn'?" + +He looked at me with an odd expression of mingled surprise and +annoyance, and I met his gaze fully and frankly. His eyes shifted +uneasily away from mine. + +"One may feel a pardonable curiosity," he said, "And a desire to +know--" + +"To know what?" I asked, with some warmth--"How can you obtain what +you are secretly craving for, if you persist in denying what is +true? You are afraid of death--yet you invite it by ignoring the +source of life! The curtain is down,--you are outside eternal +realities altogether in a chaos of your own voluntary creation!" + +I spoke with some passion, and he heard me patiently. + +"Let us try to understand each other," he said, after a pause-- +"though it will be difficult. You speak of 'eternal realities.' To +me there are none, save the constant scattering and re-uniting of +atoms. These, so far as we know of the extraordinary (and to me +quite unintelligent) plan of the Universe, are for ever shifting and +changing into various forms and clusters of forms, such as solar +systems, planets, comets, star-dust and the like. Our present view +of them is chiefly based on the researches of Larmor and Thomson of +Cambridge. From them and other scientists we learn that electricity +exists in small particles which we can in a manner see in the +'cathode' rays,--and these particles are called 'electrons.' These +compose 'atoms of matter.' Well!--there are a trillion of atoms in +each granule of dust,--while electrons are so much smaller, that a +hundred thousand of them can lie in the diameter of an atom. I know +all this,--but I do not know why the atoms or electrons should exist +at all, nor what cause there should be for their constant and often +violent state of movement. They apparently always HAVE BEEN, and +always WILL be,--therefore they are all that can be called 'eternal +realities.' Sir Norman Lockyer tells us that the matter of the +Universe is undergoing a continuous process of evolution--but even +if it is so, what is that to me individually? It neither helps nor +consoles me for being one infinitesimal spark in the general +conflagration. Now you believe--" + +"In the Force that is BEHIND your system of electrons and atoms"--I +said--"For by whatever means or substances the Universe is composed, +a mighty Intelligence governs it--and I look to the Cause more than +the Effect. For even I am a part of the whole,--I belong to the +source of the stream as much as to the stream itself. An abstract, +lifeless principle without will or intention or intelligence could +not have evolved the splendours of Nature or the intellectual +capabilities of man--it could not have given rise to what was not in +itself." + +He fixed his eyes steadily upon me. + +"That last sentence is sound argument," he said, as though +reluctantly admitting the obvious,--"And I suppose I am to presume +that 'Itself' is the well-spring from which you draw, or imagine you +draw, your psychic force?" + +"If I have any psychic force at all," I responded,--"where do you +suppose it should come from but that which gives vitality to all +animate Nature? I cannot understand why you blind yourself to the +open and visible fact of a Divine Intelligence working in and +through all things. If you could but acknowledge it and set yourself +in tune with it you would find life a new and far more dominant joy +than it is to you now. I firmly believe that your very illness has +arisen from your determined attitude of unbelief." + +"That's what a Christian Scientist would say," he answered, with a +touch of scorn,--"I begin to think Dr. Brayle is right in his +estimate of you." + +I held my peace. + +"Have you no curiosity?" he demanded--"Don't you want to know his +opinion?" + +"No,"--and I smiled--"My dear Mr. Harland, with all your experience +of the world, has it never occurred to you that there are some +people whose opinions don't matter?" + +"Brayle is a clever man,"--he said, somewhat testily, "And you are +merely an imaginative woman." + +"Then why do you trouble about me?" I asked him, quickly--"Why do +you want to find out that something in me which baffles both Dr. +Brayle and yourself?" + +It was now his turn to be silent, and he remained so for some time, +his eyes fixed on the shadowing heavens. The waves were roughening +slightly and a swell from the Atlantic lifted the 'Diana' curtsying +over their foam-flecked crests as she ploughed her way swiftly +along. Presently he turned to me with a smile. + +"Let us strike a truce!"--he said--"I promise not to try and 'draw' +you any more! But please do not isolate yourself from us,--try to +feel that we are your friends. I want you to enjoy this trip if +possible,--but I fear that we are proving rather dull company for +you. We are making for Skye at good speed and shall probably anchor +in Loch Scavaig to-night. To-morrow we might land and do the +excursion to Loch Coruisk if you care for that, though Catherine is +not a good walker." + +I felt rather remorseful as he said these words in a kindly tone. +Yet I knew very well that, notwithstanding all the strenuous efforts +which might be made by the rules of conventional courtesy, it would +be impossible for me to feel quite at home in the surroundings which +he had created for himself. I inwardly resolved, however, to make +the best of it and to try and steer clear of any possibilities or +incidents which might tend to draw the line of demarcation too +strongly between us. Some instinct told me that present conditions +were not to remain as they were, so I answered my host gently and +assured him of my entire willingness to fall in with any of his +plans. Our conversation then gradually drifted into ordinary topics +till towards sunset, when I went down to my cabin to dress for +dinner. I had a fancy to wear the bunch of pink bell-heather that +still kept its fresh and waxen-looking delicacy of bloom, and this, +fastened in the lace of my white gown, was my only adornment. + +That night there was a distinct attempt on everybody's part to make +things sociable and pleasant. Catherine Harland was, for once, quite +cheerful and chatty, and proposed that as there was a lovely +moonlight, we should all go after dinner into the deck saloon, where +there was a piano, and that I should sing for them. I was rather +surprised at this suggestion, as she was not fond of music. +Nevertheless, there had been such an evident wish shown by her and +her father to lighten the monotony which had been creeping like a +mental fog over us all that I readily agreed to anything which might +perhaps for the moment give them pleasure. + +We went up on deck accordingly, and on arriving there were all +smitten into awed silence by the wonderful beauty of the scene. We +were anchored in Loch Scavaig--and the light of the moon fell with a +weird splendour on the gloom of the surrounding hills, a pale beam +touching the summits here and there and deepening the solemn effect +of the lake and the magnificent forms of its sentinel mountains. A +low murmur of hidden streams sounded on the deep stillness and +enhanced the fascination of the surrounding landscape, which was +more like the landscape of a dream than a reality. The deep breadths +of dense darkness lying lost among the cavernous slopes of the hills +were broken at intervals by strange rifts of light arising as it +were from the palpitating water, which now and again showed gleams +of pale emerald and gold phosphorescence,--the stars looked large +and white like straying bits of the moon, and the mysterious +'swishing' of slow ripples heaving against the sides of the yacht +suggested the whisperings of uncanny spirits. We stood in a silent +group, entranced by the grandeur of the night and by our own +loneliness in the midst of it, for there was no sign of a +fisherman's hut or boat moored to the shore, or anything which could +give us a sense of human companionship. A curious feeling of +disappointment suddenly came over me,--I lifted my eyes to the vast +dark sky with a kind of mute appeal--and moon and stars appeared to +float up there like ships in a deep sea,--I had expected something +more in this strange, almost spectral-looking landscape, and yet I +knew not why I should expect anything. Beautiful as the whole scene +was, and fully as I recognised its beauty, an overpowering +depression suddenly gripped me as with a cold hand,--there was a +dreary emptiness in this majestic solitude that seemed to crush my +spirit utterly. + +I moved a little away from my companions, and leaned over the deck +rail, looking far into the black shadows of the shore, defined more +deeply by the contrasting brilliance of the moon, and my thoughts +flew with undesired swiftness to the darkest line of life's horizon- +-I had for the moment lost the sense of joy. How wretched all we +human creatures are!--I said to my inner self,--what hope after all +is there for us, imprisoned in a world which has no pity for us +whatever may be our fate,--a world that goes on in precisely the +same fashion whether we live or die, work or are idle? These tragic +hills, this cold lake, this white moon, were the same when Caesar +lived, and would still be the same when we who gazed upon them now +were all gone into the Unknown. It seemed difficult to try and +realise this obvious fact--so difficult as to be almost unnatural. +Supposing that any towns or villages had ever existed on this +desolate shore, they had proved useless against the devouring forces +of Nature,--just as the splendid buried cities of South America had +proved useless in all their magnificence,--useless as the 'Golden +Age of Lanka' in Ceylon more than two thousand years ago. Of what +avail then is the struggle of human life? Is it for the many or only +for the few? Is all the toil and sorrow of millions merely for the +uplifting and perfecting of certain individual types, and is this +what Christ meant when He said 'Many are called but few are chosen'? +If so, why such waste of brain and heart and love and patience? +Tears came suddenly into my eyes and I started as from a bad dream +when Dr. Brayle approached me softly from behind. + +"I am sorry to disturb your reverie!"--he said--"But Miss Harland +has gone into the deck saloon and we are all waiting to hear you +sing." + +I looked up at him. + +"I don't feel as if I could sing to-night,"--I replied, rather +tremulously--"This lonely landscape depresses me--" + +He saw that my eyes were wet, and smiled. + +"You are overwrought," he said--"Your own theories of health and +vitality are not infallible! You must be taken care of. You think +too much." + +"Or too little?" I suggested. + +"Really, my dear lady, you cannot possibly think too little where +health and happiness are concerned! The sanest and most comfortable +people on earth are those who eat well and never think at all. An +empty brain and a full stomach make the sum total of a contented +life." + +"So YOU imagine!" I said, with a slight gesture of veiled contempt. + +"So I KNOW!" he answered, with emphasis--"And I have had a wide +experience. Now don't look daggers at me!--come and sing!" + +He offered me his arm, but I put it aside and walked by myself +towards the deck saloon. Mr. Harland and Catherine were seated +there, with all the lights turned full on, so that the radiance of +the moon through the window was completely eclipsed. The piano was +open. As I came in Catherine looked at me with a surprised air. + +"Why, how pale you are!" she exclaimed--"One would think you had +seen a ghost!" + +I laughed. + +"Perhaps I have! Loch Scavaig is sufficient setting for any amount +of ghosts. It's such a lonely place,"--and a slight tremor ran +through me as I played a few soft chords--"What shall I sing to +you?" + +"Something of the country we are in,"--said Mr. Harland--"Don't you +know any of those old wild Gaelic airs?" + +I thought a moment, and then to a low rippling accompaniment I sang +the old Celtic 'Fairy's Love Song'-- + + "Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh, + On the hill-side dreary-- + When I see the plover rising, + Or the curlew wheeling, + Then I know my mortal lover + Back to me is stealing. + + When the day wears away + Sad I look adown the valley, + Every sound heard around + Sets my heart a-thrilling,-- + Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh + All alone and weary! + + Ah, but there is something wanting, + Oh but I am weary! + Come, my true and tender lover, + O'er the hills to cheer me! + Why should I sit and sigh, + Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken, + Why should I sit and sigh, + All alone and weary!" + +I had scarcely finished the last verse when Captain Derrick suddenly +appeared at the door of the saloon in a great state of excitement. + +"Come out, Mr. Harland!" he almost shouted--"Come quickly, all of +you! There's that strange yacht again!" + +I rose from my seat at the piano trembling a little--at last!--I +thought--at last! My heart was beating tumultuously, though I could +not explain my own emotion to myself. In another moment we were all +standing speechless and amazed, gazing at surely the most wonderful +sight that had ever been seen by human eyes. There on the dark and +lonely waters of Loch Scavaig was poised, rather than anchored, the +fairy vessel of my dreams, with all sails spread,--sails that were +white as milk and seemingly drenched with a sparkling dewy radiance, +for they scintillated like hoar-frost in the sun and glittered +against the sombre background of the mountainous shore with an +almost blinding splendour. Our whole crew of sailors and servants on +the 'Diana' came together in astonished groups, whispering among +themselves, all evidently more or less scared by the strange +spectacle. Captain Derrick waited for someone to hazard a remark, +then, as we remained silent, he addressed Mr. Harland-- + +"Well, sir, what do you make of it?" + +Mr. Harland did not answer. For a man who professed indifference to +all events and circumstances he seemed startled for once and a +little afraid. Catherine caught me by the arm,--she was shivering +nervously. + +"Do you think it is a REAL yacht?" she whispered. + +I was amused at this question, coming as it did from a woman who +denied the supernatural. + +"Of course it is!" I answered--"Don't you see people moving about on +board?" + +For, in the brilliant light shed by those extraordinary sails, the +schooner appeared to be fully manned. Several of the crew were busy +on her deck and there was nothing of the phantom in their movements. + +"Her sails must surely be lit up in that way by electricity"--said +Dr. Brayle, who had been watching her attentively--"But how it is +done and why, is rather puzzling! I never saw anything quite to +resemble it." + +"She came into the loch like a flash,"--said Captain Derrick--"I saw +her slide in round the point, and then without a sound of any kind, +there she was, safe anchored before you could whistle. She behaved +in just the same way when we first sighted her off Mull." + +I listened to what they were saying, impatiently wondering what +would be the end of their surmises and speculations. + +"Why not exchange courtesies?" I said, suddenly,--"Here we are--two +yachts anchored near each other in a lonely lake,--why should we not +know each other? Then all the mysteries you are talking about would +be cleared up." + +"Quite true!" said Mr. Harland, breaking his silence at last--"But +isn't it rather late to pay a call? What time is it?" + +"About half-past ten,"--answered Dr. Brayle, glancing at his watch. + +"Oh, let us get to bed!" murmured Miss Catherine, pleadingly-- +"What's the good of making any enquiries to-night?" + +"Well, if you don't make them to-night ten to one you won't have the +chance to-morrow!"--said Captain Derrick, bluntly--"That yacht will +repeat her former manoeuvres and vanish at sunrise." + +"As all spectres are traditionally supposed to do!" said Dr. Brayle, +lighting a cigarette as he spoke and beginning to smoke it with a +careless air--"I vote for catching the ghost before it melts away +into the morning." + +While this talk went on Mr. Harland stepped back into the saloon and +wrote a note which he enclosed in a sealed envelope. With this in +his hand he came out to us again. + +"Captain, will you get the boat lowered, please?" he said--then, as +Captain Derrick hastened to obey this order, he turned to his +secretary:--"Mr. Swinton, I want you to take this note to the owner +of that yacht, whoever he may be, with my compliments. Don't give it +to anyone else but himself." + +Mr. Swinton, looking very pale and uncomfortable, took the note +gingerly between his fingers. + +"Himself--yes!"--he stammered--"And--er--if there should be no one-- +" + +"What do you mean?" and Mr. Harland frowned in his own particularly +unpleasant way--"There's sure to be SOMEONE, even if he were the +devil! You can say to him that the ladies of our party are very much +interested in the beautiful illumination of his yacht, and that +we'll be glad to see him on board ours, if he cares to come. Be as +polite as you can, and as agreeable as you like." + +"It has not occurred to you--I suppose you have not thought--that-- +that it may be an illusion?" faltered Mr. Swinton, uneasily, +glancing at the glistening sails that shamed the silver sheen of the +moon--"A sort of mirage in the atmosphere--" + +Mr. Harland gave vent to a laugh--the heartiest I had ever heard +from him. + +"Upon my word, Swinton!" he exclaimed--"I should never have thought +you capable of nerves! Come, come!--be off with you! The boat is +lowered--all's ready!" + +Thus commanded, there was nothing for the reluctant Mr. Swinton but +to obey, and I could not help smiling at his evident discomfiture. +All his precise and matter-of-fact self-satisfaction was gone in a +moment,--he was nothing but a very timorous creature, afraid to +examine into what he could not at once understand. No such terrors, +however, were displayed by the sailors who undertook to row him over +to the yacht. They, as well as their captain, were anxious to +discover the mystery, if mystery there was,--and we all, by one +instinct, pressed to the gangway as he descended the companion +ladder and entered the boat, which glided away immediately with a +low and rhythmical plash of oars. We could watch it as it drew +nearer and nearer the illuminated vessel, and our excitement grew +more and more intense. For once Mr. Harland and his daughter had +forgotten all about themselves,--and Catherine's customary miserable +expression of face had altogether disappeared in the keenness of her +interest for something more immediately thrilling than her own +ailments. So far as I was concerned, I could hardly endure the +suspense that seemed to weigh on every nerve of my body during the +few minutes' interval that elapsed between the departure of the boat +and its drawing up alongside the strange yacht. My thoughts were all +in a whirl,--I felt as if something unprecedented and almost +terrifying was about to happen,--but I could not reason out the +cause of my mental agitation. + +"There they go!" said Mr. Harland--"They're alongside! See!--those +fellows are lowering the companion ladder--there's nothing +supernatural about THEM! Swinton's all right--look, he's on board!" + +We strained our eyes through the brilliant flare shed by the +illuminated sails on the darkness and could see Mr. Swinton talking +to a group of sailors. One of them went away, but returned almost +immediately, followed by a man clad in white yachting flannels, who, +standing near one of the shining sails, caught some of the light on +his own figure with undeniably becoming effect. I was the first to +perceive him, and as I looked, the impression came upon me that he +was no stranger,--I had seen him often before. This sudden +consciousness swiftly borne in upon me calmed all the previous +tumult of my mind and I was no longer anxious as to the result of +our possible acquaintance. Catherine Harland pressed my arm +excitedly. + +"There he is!" she said--"That must be the owner of the yacht. He's +reading father's letter." + +He was,--we could see the little sheet of paper turning over in his +hands. And while we waited, wondering what would be his answer, the +light on the sails of his vessel began to pale and die away,--beam +after beam of radiance slipped off as it were like drops of water, +and before we could quite realise it there was darkness where all +had lately been so bright; and the canvas was hauled down. With the +quenching of that intense brilliancy we lost sight of the human +figures on deck and could not imagine what was to happen next. The +dark shore looked darker than ever,--the outline of the yacht was +now truly spectral, like a ship of black cobweb against the moon, +and we looked questioningly at each other in silence. Then Mr. +Harland spoke in a low tone. + +"The boat is coming back,"--he said,--"I hear the oars." + +I leaned over the side of our vessel and tried to see through the +gloom. How still the water was!--not a ripple disturbed its surface. +But there were strange gleams of wandering light in its depths like +dropped jewels lost on sands far below. The regular dip of oars +sounded nearer and nearer. My heart was beating with painful +quickness,--I could not understand the strange feeling that +overpowered me. I felt as if my very soul were going out of my body +to meet that oncoming boat which was cleaving its way through the +darkness. Another brief interval and then we saw it shoot out into a +patch of moonlight--we could perceive Mr. Swinton seated in the +stern with another figure beside him--that of a man who stood up as +he neared our yacht and lifted his cap with an easy gesture of +salutation, and then as the boat came alongside, caught at the guide +rope and sprang lightly on the first step of the companion ladder. + +"Why, he's actually come over to us himself!" ejaculated Mr. +Harland,--and he hurried to the gangway just in time to receive the +visitor as he stepped on deck. + +"Well, Harland, how are you?" said a mellow voice in the cheeriest +of accents--"It's strange we should meet like this after so many +years!" + + + + +VI + +RECOGNITION + + +At these words and at sight of the speaker, Morton Harland started +back as if he had been shot. + +"Santoris!" he exclaimed--"Not possible! Rafel Santoris! No! You +must be his son!" + +The stranger laughed. + +"My good Harland! Always the sceptic! Miracles are many, but there +is one which is beyond all performance. A man cannot be his own +offspring! I am that very Santoris who saw you last in Oxford. Come, +come!--you ought to know me!" + +He stepped more fully into the light which was shed from the open +door of the deck saloon, and showed himself to be a man of +distinguished appearance, apparently about forty years of age. He +was well built, with the straight back and broad shoulders of an +athlete,--his face was finely featured and radiant with the glow of +health and strength, and as he smiled and laid one hand on Mr. +Harland's shoulder he looked the very embodiment of active, powerful +manhood. Morton Harland stared at him in amazement and something of +terror. + +"Rafel Santoris!" he repeated--"You are his living image,--but you +cannot be himself--you are too young!" + +A gleam of amusement sparkled in the stranger's eyes. + +"Don't let us talk of age or youth for the moment"--he said. "Here I +am,--your 'eccentric' college acquaintance whom you and several +other fellows fought shy of years ago! I assure you I am quite +harmless! Will you present me to the ladies?" + +There was a brief embarrassed pause. Then Mr. Harland turned to us +where we had withdrawn ourselves a little apart and addressed his +daughter. + +"Catherine,"--he said--"This gentleman tells me he knew me at +Oxford, and if he is right I also knew HIM. I spoke of him only the +other night at dinner--you remember?--but I did not tell you his +name. It is Rafel Santoris--if indeed he IS Santoris!--though my +Santoris should be a much older man." + +"I extremely regret," said our visitor then, advancing and bowing +courteously to Catherine and myself--"that I do not fulfil the +required conditions of age! Will you try to forgive me?" + +He smiled--and we were a little confused, hardly knowing what to +say. Involuntarily I raised my eyes to his, and with one glance saw +in those clear blue orbs that so steadfastly met mine a world of +memories--memories tender, wistful and pathetic, entangled as in +tears and fire. All the inward instincts of my spirit told me that I +knew him well--as well as one knows the gold of the sunshine or the +colour of the sky,--yet where had I seen him often and often before? +While my thoughts puzzled over this question he averted his gaze +from mine and went on speaking to Catherine. + +"I understand," he said--"that you are interested in the lighting of +my yacht?" + +"It is most beautiful and wonderful,"--answered Catherine, in her +coldest tone of conventional politeness, "And so unusual!" + +His eyebrows went up with a slightly quizzical. + +"Yes, I suppose it is unusual," he said--"I am always forgetting +that what is not quite common seems strange! But really the +arrangement is very simple. The yacht is called the 'Dream'--and she +is, as her name implies, a 'dream' fulfilled. Her sails are her only +motive power. They are charged with electricity, and that is why +they shine at night in a way that must seem to outsiders like a +special illumination. If you will honour me with a visit to-morrow I +will show you how it is managed." + +Here Captain Derrick, who had been standing close by, was unable to +resist the impulse of his curiosity. + +"Excuse me, sir,"--he said, suddenly--"but may I ask how it is you +sail without wind?" + +"Certainly!--you may ask and be answered!" Santoris replied. "As I +have just said, our sails are our only motive power, but we do not +need the wind to fill them. By a very simple scientific method, or +rather let me say by a scientific application of natural means, we +generate a form of electric force from the air and water as we move. +This force fills the sails and propels the vessel with amazing +swiftness wherever she is steered. Neither calm nor storm affects +her progress. When there is a good gale blowing our way, we +naturally lessen the draft on our own supplies--but we can make +excellent speed even in the teeth of a contrary wind. We escape all +the inconveniences of steam and smoke and dirt and noise,--and I +daresay in about a couple of hundred years or so my method of +sailing the seas will be applied to all ships large and small, with +much wonder that it was not thought of long ago." + +"Why not apply it yourself?" asked Dr. Brayle, now joining in the +conversation for the first time and putting the question with an air +of incredulous amusement--"With such a marvellous discovery--if it +is yours--you should make your fortune!" + +Santoris glanced him over with polite tolerance. + +"It is possible I do not need to make it,"--he answered, then +turning again to Captain Derrick he said, kindly, "I hope the matter +seems clearer to you? We sail without wind, it is true, but not +without the power that creates wind." + +The captain shook his head perplexedly. + +"Well, sir, I can't quite take it in,"--he confessed--"I'd like to +know more." + +"So you shall! Harland, will you all come over to the yacht to- +morrow? There may be some excursion we could do together--and you +might remain and dine with me afterwards." + +Mr. Harland's face was a study. Doubt and fear struggled for the +mastery in his expression and he did not at once answer. Then he +seemed to conquer his hesitation and to recover himself. + +"Give me a moment with you alone,"--he said, with a gesture of +invitation towards the deck saloon. + +Our visitor readily complied with this suggestion, and the two men +entered the saloon together and closed the door. + +Silence followed. Catherine looked at me in questioning +bewilderment,--then she called to Mr. Swinton, who had been standing +about as though awaiting orders in his usual tiresome and servile +way. + +"What sort of an interview did you have with that gentleman when you +got on board his yacht?" she asked. + +"Very pleasant--very pleasant indeed"--he replied--"The vessel is +magnificently appointed. I have never seen such luxury. +Extraordinary! More than princely! Mr. Santoris himself I found +particularly agreeable. When he had read Mr. Harland's note, he said +he was glad to find it was from an old college companion, and that +he would come over with me to renew the acquaintance. As he has +done." + +"You were not afraid of him, then?" queried Dr. Brayle, +sarcastically. + +"Oh dear no! He seems quite well-bred, and I should say he must be +very wealthy." + +"A most powerful recommendation!" murmured Brayle--"The best in the +world! What do YOU think of him?" he asked, turning suddenly to me. + +"I have no opinion,"--I answered, quietly. + +How could I say otherwise? How could I tell such a man as he was, of +one who had entered my life as insistently as a flash of light, +illumining all that had hitherto been dark! + +At that moment Catherine caught my hand. + +"Listen!" she whispered. + +A window of the deck saloon was open and we stood near it. Dr. +Brayle and Mr. Swinton had moved away to light fresh cigars, and we +two women were for the moment alone. We heard Mr. Harland's voice +raised to a sort of smothered cry. + +"My God! You ARE Santoris!" + +"Of course I am!" And the deep answering tones were full of music,-- +the music of a grave and infinitely tender compassion--"Why did you +doubt it? And why call upon God? That is a name which has no meaning +for you." + +There followed a silence. I looked at Catherine and saw her pale +face in the light of the moon, haggard in line and older than her +years, and my heart was full of pity for her. She was excited beyond +her usual self-I could see that the appearance of the stranger from +the yacht had aroused her interest and compelled her admiration. I +tried to draw her gently to a farther distance from the saloon, but +she would not move. + +"We ought not to listen,"--I said--"Catherine, come away!" + +She shook her head. + +"Hush!" she softly breathed--"I want to hear!" + +Just then Mr. Harland spoke again. + +"I am sorry!" he said--"I have wronged you and I apologise. But you +can hardly wonder at my disbelief, considering your appearance, +which is that of a much younger man than your actual years should +make you." + +The rich voice of Santoris gave answer. + +"Did I not tell you and others long ago that for me there is no such +thing as time, but only eternity? The soul is always young,--and I +live in the Spirit of youth, not in the Matter of age." + +Catherine turned her eyes upon me in wide-open amazement. + +"He must be mad!" she said. + +I made no reply either by word or look. We heard Mr. Harland +talking, but in a lower tone, and we could not distinguish what he +said. Presently Santoris answered, and his vibrant tones were clear +and distinct. + +"Why should it seem to you so wonderful?" he said--"You do not think +it miraculous when the sculptor, standing before a shapeless block +of marble, hews it out to conformity with his inward thought. The +marble is mere marble, hard to deal with, difficult to shape,--yet +out of its resisting roughness the thinker and worker can mould an +Apollo or a Psyche. You find nothing marvellous in this, though the +result of its shaping is due to nothing but Thought and Labour. Yet +when you see the human body, which is far easier to shape than +marble, brought into submission by the same forces of Thought and +Labour, you are astonished! Surely it is a simpler matter to control +the living cells of one's own fleshly organisation and compel them +to do the bidding of the dominating spirit than to chisel the +semblance of a god out of a block of stone!" + +There was a pause after this. Then followed more inaudible talk on +the part of Mr. Harland, and while we yet waited to gather further +fragments of the conversation, he suddenly threw open the saloon +door and called to us to come in. We at once obeyed the summons, and +as we entered he said in a somewhat excited, nervous way:-- + +"I must apologise before you ladies for the rather doubting manner +in which I received my former college friend! He IS Rafel Santoris-- +I ought to have known that there's only one of his type! But the +curious part of it is that he should be nearly as old as I am,--yet +somehow he is not!" + +I laughed. It would have been hard not to laugh, for the mere idea +of comparing the two men, Santoris in such splendid prime and Morton +Harland in his bent, lean and wizened condition, as being of the +same or nearly the same age was quite ludicrous. Even Catherine +smiled--a weak and timorous smile. + +"I suppose you have grown old more quickly, father," she said-- +"Perhaps Mr. Santoris has not lived at such high pressure." + +Santoris, standing by the saloon centre table tinder the full blaze +of the electric lamp, looked at her with a kindly interest. + +"High or low, I live each moment of my days to the full, Miss +Harland,"--he said--"I do not drowse it or kill it--I LIVE it! This +lady,"--and he turned his eyes towards me--"looks as if she did the +same!" + +"She does!" said Mr. Harland, quickly, and with emphasis--"That's +quite true! You were always a good reader of character, Santoris! I +believe I have not introduced you properly to our little friend"-- +here he presented me by name and I held out my hand. Santoris took +it in his own with a light, warm clasp--gently releasing it again as +he bowed. "I call her our little friend, because she brings such an +atmosphere of joy along with her wherever she goes. We persuaded her +to come with us yachting this summer for a very selfish reason-- +because we are disposed to be dull and she is always bright,--the +advantage, you see, is all on our side! Oddly enough, I was talking +to her about you the other night--the very night, by the by, that +your yacht came behind us off Mull. That was rather a curious +coincidence when you come to think of it!" + +"Not curious at all,"--said Santoris--"but perfectly natural. When +will you realise that there is no such thing as 'coincidence' but +only a very exact system of mathematics?" + +Mr. Harland gave a slight, incredulous gesture. + +"Your theories again," he said--"You hold to them still! But our +little friend is likely to agree with you,--when I was speaking of +you to her I told her she had somewhat the same ideas as yourself. +She is a sort of a 'psychist'--whatever that may mean!" + +"Do you not know?" queried Santoris, with a grave smile--"It is easy +to guess by merely looking at her!" + +My cheeks grew warm and my eyes fell beneath his steadfast gaze. I +wondered whether Mr. Harland or Catherine would notice that in his +coat he wore a small bunch of the same kind of bright pink bell- +heather which was my only 'jewel of adorning' that night. The ice of +introductory recognition being broken, we gathered round the saloon +table and sat down, while the steward brought wine and other +refreshments to offer to our guest. Mr. Harland's former uneasiness +and embarrassment seemed now at an end, and he gave himself up to +the pleasure of renewing association with one who had known him as a +young man, and they began talking easily together of their days at +college, of the men they had both been acquainted with, some of whom +were dead, some settled abroad and some lost to sight in the vistas +of uncertain fate. Catherine took very little part in the +conversation, but she listened intently--her colourless eyes were +for once bright, and she watched the face of Santoris as one might +watch an animated picture. Presently Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton, who +had been pacing the deck together and smoking, paused near the +saloon door. Mr. Harland beckoned them. + +"Come in, come in!" he said--"Santoris, this is my physician, Dr. +Brayle, who has undertaken to look after me during this trip,"-- +Santoris bowed--"And this is my secretary, Mr. Swinton, whom I sent +over to your yacht just now." Again Santoris bowed. His slight, yet +perfectly courteous salutation, was in marked contrast with the +careless modern nod or jerk of the head by which the other men +barely acknowledged their introduction to him. "He was afraid of his +life to go to you"--continued Mr. Harland, with a laugh--"He thought +you might be an illusion--or even the devil himself, with those +fiery sails!" Mr. Swinton looked sheepish; Santoris smiled. "This +fair dreamer of dreams"--here he singled me out for notice--"is the +only one of us who has not expressed either surprise or fear at the +sight of your vessel or the possible knowledge of yourself, though +there was one little incident connected with the pretty bunch of +bell-heather she is wearing--why!--you wear the same flower +yourself!" + +There was a moment's silence. Everyone stared. The blood burned in +my veins,--I felt my face crimsoning, yet I knew not why I should be +embarrassed or at a loss for words. Santoris came to my relief. + +"There's nothing remarkable in that, is there?" he queried, lightly- +-"Bell-heather is quite common in this part of the world. I +shouldn't like to try and count up the number of tourists I've +lately seen wearing it!" + +"Ah, but you don't know the interest attaching to this particular +specimen!" persisted Mr. Harland--"It was given to our little friend +by a wild Highland fellow, presumably a native of Mull, the very +morning after she had seen your yacht for the first time, and he +told her that on the previous night he had brought all of the same +kind he could gather to you! Surely you see the connection?" + +Santoris shook his head. + +"I'm afraid I don't!" he said, smilingly. "Did the 'wild Highland +fellow' name me?" + +"No--I believe he called you 'the shentleman that owns the yacht.'" + +"Oh well!" and Santoris laughed--"There are so many 'shentlemen' +that own yachts! He may have got mixed in his customers. In any +case, I am glad to have some little thing in common with your +friend--if only a bunch of heather!" + +"HER bunch behaves very curiously,"--put in Catherine--"It never +fades." + +Santoris made no comment. It seemed as if he had not heard, or did +not wish to hear. He changed the conversation, much to my comfort, +and for the rest of the time he stayed with us, rather avoided +speaking to me, though once or twice I met his eyes fixed earnestly +upon me. The talk drifted in a desultory manner round various +ordinary topics, and I, moving a little aside, took a seat near the +window where I could watch the moon-rays striking a steel-like +glitter on the still waters of Loch Scavaig, and at the same time +hear all that was being said without taking any part in it. I did +not wish to speak,--the uplifted joy of my soul was too intense for +anything but silence. I could not tell why I was so happy,--I only +knew by inward instinct that some point in my life had been reached +towards which I had striven for a far longer period than I myself +was aware of. There was nothing for me now but to wait with faith +and patience for the next step forward--a step which I felt would +not be taken alone. And I listened with interest while Mr. Harland +put his former college friend through a kind of inquisitorial +examination as to what he had been doing and where he had been +journeying since they last met. Santoris seemed not at all unwilling +to be catechised. + +"When I escaped from Oxford,"--he said--but here Mr. Harland +interposed. + +"Escaped!" he exclaimed--"You talk as if you had been kept in +prison." + +"So I was"--Santoris replied--"Oxford is a prison, to all who want +to feed on something more than the dry bones of learning. While +there I was like the prodigal son,--exiled from my Father's House. +And I 'did eat the husks that the swine did eat.' Many fellows have +to do the same. Sometimes--though not often--a man arrives with a +constitution unsuited to husks. Mine was--and is--such an one." + +"You secured honours with the husks," said Mr. Harland. + +Santoris gave a gesture of airy contempt. + +"Honours! Such honours! Any fellow unaddicted to drinking, with a +fair amount of determined plod could win them. The alleged +'difficulties' in the way are perfectly childish. They scarcely +deserve to be called the pothooks and hangers of an education. I +always got my work done in two or three hours--the rest of my time +at college was pure leisure,--which I employed in other and wiser +forms of study than those of the general curriculum--as you know." + +"You mean occult mysteries and things of that sort?" + +"'Occult' is a word of such new coinage that it is not found in many +dictionaries,"--said Santoris, with a mirthful look--"You will not +find it, for instance, in the earlier editions of Stormonth's +reliable compendium. I do not care for it myself; I prefer to say +'Spiritual science.'" + +"You believe in that?" asked Catherine, abruptly. + +"Assuredly! How can I do otherwise, seeing that it is the Key to the +Soul of Nature?" "That's too deep for me!" said Dr. Brayle, pouring +himself out a glass of whisky and mixing it with soda-water--"If +it's a riddle I give it up!" + +Santoris was silent. There was a moment's pause. Then Catherine +leaned forward across the table, looking at him with tired, +questioning eyes. + +"Could you not explain?" she murmured. + +"Easily!" he answered--"Anyone can understand it with a little +attention. What I mean is this,--you know that the human body +outwardly expresses its inward condition of health, mentality and +spirituality--well, in exactly the same way Nature, in her countless +varying presentations of beauty and wisdom, expresses the Soul of +herself, or the spiritual force which supports her existence. +'Spiritual science' is the knowledge, not of the outward effect so +much as of the inward cause which makes the effect manifest. It is a +knowledge which can be applied to the individual daily uses of +life,--the more it is studied, the more reward it bestows, and the +smallest portion of it thoroughly mastered, is bound to lead to some +discovery, simple or complex, which lifts the immortal part of a man +a step higher on the way it should go." + +"You are satisfied with your researches, then?" asked Mr. Harland. + +Santoris smiled gravely. + +"Do I look like a man that has failed?" he answered. + +Mr. Harland studied his handsome face and figure with ill-concealed +envy. + +"You went abroad from Oxford?" he queried. + +"Yes. I went back to the old home in Egypt--the house where I was +born and bred. It had been well kept and cared for by the faithful +servant to whom my father had entrusted it--as well kept as a Royal +Chamber in the Pyramids with the funeral offerings untouched and a +perpetual lamp burning. It was the best of all possible places in +which to continue my particular line of work without interruption-- +and I have stayed there most of the time, only coming away, as now, +when necessary for a change and a look at the world as the world +lives in these days." + +"And"--here Mr. Harland hesitated, then went on--"Are you married?" + +Santoris lifted his eyes and regarded his former college +acquaintance fixedly. + +"That question is unnecessary"--he said--"You know I am not." + +There was a brief awkward pause. Dr. Brayle looked up with a +satirical smile. + +"Spiritual science has probably taught you to beware of the fair +sex"--he said. + +"I do not entirely understand you"--answered Santoris, coldly--"But +if you mean that I am not a lover of women in the plural you are +right." + +"Perhaps of the one woman--the one rare pearl in the deep sea"-- +hinted Dr. Brayle, unabashed. + +"Come, you are getting too personal, Brayle," interrupted Mr. +Harland, quickly, and with asperity--"Santoris, your health!" + +He raised a glass of wine to his lips--Santoris did the same--and +this simple courtesy between the two principals in the conversation +had the effect of putting their subordinate in his proper place. + +"It seems superfluous to wish health to Mr. Santoris," said +Catherine then--"He evidently has it in perfection." + +Santoris looked at her with kindly interest. + +"Health is a law, Miss Harland"--he said--"It is our own fault if we +trespass against it." + +"Ah, you say that because you are well and strong," she answered, in +a plaintive tone--"But if you were afflicted and suffering you would +take a different view of illness." + +He smiled, somewhat compassionately. + +"I think not,"--he said--"If I were afflicted and suffering, as you +say, I should know that by my own neglect, thoughtlessness, +carelessness or selfishness I had injured my organisation mentally +and physically, and that, therefore, the penalty demanded was just +and reasonable." + +"Surely you do not maintain that a man is responsible for his own +ailments?" said Mr. Harland--"That would be too far-fetched, even +for YOU! Why, as a matter of fact a wretched human being is not only +cursed with his own poisoned blood but with the poisoned blood of +his forefathers, and, according to the latest medical science, the +very air and water swarm with germs of death for the unsuspecting +victim." + +"Or germs of life!" said Santoris, quietly--"According to my +knowledge or 'theory,' as you prefer to call it, there are no germs +of actual death. There are germs which disintegrate effete forms of +matter merely to allow the forces of life to rebuild them again--and +these may propagate in the human system if it so happens that the +human system is prepared to receive them. Their devastating process +is called disease, but they never begin their work till the being +they attack has either wasted a vital opportunity or neglected a +vital necessity. Far more numerous are the beneficial germs of +revivifying and creative power--and if these find place, they are +bound to conquer those whose agency is destructive. It all depends +on the soil and pasture you offer them. Evil thoughts make evil +blood, and in evil blood disease germinates and flourishes. Pure +thoughts make pure blood and rebuild the cells of health and +vitality. I grant you there is such a thing as inherited disease, +but this could be prevented in a great measure by making the +marriage of diseased persons a criminal offence,--while much of it +could be driven out by proper care in childhood. Unfortunately, the +proper care is seldom given." + +"What would you call proper care?" asked Catherine. + +"Entire absence of self-indulgence, to begin with,"--he answered-- +"No child should be permitted to have its own way or expect to have +it. The first great lesson of life should be renunciation of self." + +A faint colour crept into Catherine's faded cheeks. Mr. Harland +fidgeted in his chair. + +"Unless a man looks after himself, no one else will look after him"- +-he said. + +"Reasonable care of one's self is UNselfishness," replied Santoris-- +"But anything in excess of reasonable care is pure vice. A man +should work for his livelihood chiefly in order not to become a +burden on others. In the same way he should take care of his health +so that he may avoid being a troublesome invalid, dependent on +others' compassion. To be ill is to acknowledge neglect of existing +laws and incapacity of resistance to evil." + +"You lay down a very hard and fast rule, Mr. Santoris"--said Dr. +Brayle--"Many unfortunate people are ill through no fault of their +own." + +"Pardon me for my dogmatism when I say such a thing is impossible"-- +answered Santoris--"If a human being starts his life in health he +cannot be ill UNLESS through some fault of his own. It may be a +moral or a physical fault, but the trespass against the law has been +made. And suppose him to be born with some inherited trouble, he can +eliminate even that from his blood if he so determines. Man was not +meant to be sickly, but strong--he is not intended to dwell on this +earth as a servant but as a master,--and all the elements of +strength and individual sovereignty are contained in Nature for his +use and advantage if he will but accept them as frankly as they are +offered ungrudgingly. I cannot grant you "--and he smiled--"even the +smallest amount of voluntary or intended mischief in the Divine +plan!" + +At that moment Captain Derrick looked in at the saloon door to +remind us that the boat was still waiting to take our visitor back +to his own yacht. He rose at once, with a briefly courteous apology +for having stayed so long, and we all vent with him to see him off. +It was arranged that we were to join him on board his vessel next +day, and either take a sail with him along the island coast or else +do the excursion on foot to Loch Coruisk, which was a point not to +be missed. As we walked all together along the moonlit deck a chance +moment placed him by my side while the others were moving on ahead. +I felt rather than saw his eyes upon me, and looked up swiftly in +obedience to his compelling glance. There was a light of eloquent +meaning in the expression of his face, but he spoke in perfectly +conventional tones:-- + +"I am glad to have met you at last,"--he said, quietly--"I have +known you by name--and in the spirit--a long time." + +I did not answer. My heart was beating rapidly with an excitation of +nameless joy and fear commingled. + +"To-morrow"--he went on--"we shall be able to talk together, I +hope,--I feel that there are many things in which we are mutually +interested." + +Still I could not speak. + +"Sometimes it happens"--he continued, in a voice that trembled a +little--"that two people who are not immediately conscious of having +met before, feel on first introduction to each other as if they were +quite old friends. Is it not so?" + +I murmured a scarcely audible assent. + +He bent his head and looked at me searchingly,--a smile was on his +lips and his eyes were full of tenderness. + +"Till to-morrow is not long to wait,"--he said--"Not long--after so +many years! Good-night!" + +A sense of calm and sweet assurance swept over me. + +"Good-night!" I answered, with a smile of happy response to his own- +-"Till to-morrow!" + +We were close to the gangway where the others already stood. In +another couple of minutes he had made his adieux to our whole party +and was on his way back to his own vessel. The boat in which he sat, +rowed strongly by our men, soon disappeared like a black blot on the +general darkness of the water, yet we remained for some time +watching, as though we could see it even when it was no longer +visible. + +"A strange fellow!" said Dr. Brayle when we moved away at last, +flinging the end of his cigar over the yacht side--"Something of +madness and genius combined." + +Mr. Harland turned quickly upon him. + +"You mistake,"--he answered--"There's no madness, though there is +certainly genius. He's of the same mind as he was when I knew him at +college. There never was a saner or more brilliant scholar." + +"It's curious you should meet him again like this,"--said Catherine- +-"But surely, father, he's not as old as you are?" + +"He's about three and a half years younger--that's all." + +Dr. Brayle laughed. + +"I don't believe it for a moment!" he said--"I think he's playing a +part. He's probably not the man you knew at Oxford at all." + +We were then going to our cabins for the night, and Mr. Harland +paused as these words were said and faced us. + +"He IS the man!"--he said, emphatically--"I had my doubts of him at +first, but I was wrong. As for 'playing a part,' that would be +impossible to him. He is absolutely truthful--almost to the verge of +cruelty!" A curious expression came into his eyes, as of hidden +fear. "In one way I am glad to have met him again--in another I am +sorry. For he is a disturber of the comfortable peace of +conventions. You"--here he regarded me suddenly, as if he had almost +forgotten my presence--"will like him. You have many ideas in common +and will be sure to get on well together. As for me, I am his direct +opposite,--the two poles are not wider apart than we are in our +feelings, sentiments and beliefs." He paused, seeming to be troubled +by the passing cloud of some painful thought--then he went on-- +"There is one thing I should perhaps explain, especially to you, +Brayle, to save useless argument. It is, of course, a 'craze'--but +craze or not, he is absolutely immovable on one point which he calls +the great Fact of Life,--that there is and can be no Death,--that +Life is eternal and therefore in all its forms indestructible." + +"Does he consider himself immune from the common lot of mortals?" +asked Dr. Brayle, with a touch of derision. + +"He denies 'the common lot' altogether"--replied Mr. Harland--"For +him, each individual life is a perpetual succession of progressive +changes, and he holds that a change IS never and CAN never be made +till the person concerned has prepared the next 'costume' or mortal +presentment of immortal being, according to voluntary choice and +liking." + +"Then he is mad!" exclaimed Catherine. "He must be mad!" + +I smiled. + +"Then I am mad too,"--I said--"For I believe as he does. May I say +good-night?" + +And with that I left them, glad to be alone with myself and my +heart's secret rapture. + + + + +VII + +MEMORIES + + +Perfect happiness is the soul's acceptance of a sense of joy without +question. And this is what I felt through all my being on that +never-to-be-forgotten night. Just as a tree may be glad of the soft +wind blowing its leaves, or a daisy in the grass may rejoice in the +warmth of the sun to which it opens its golden heart without either +being able to explain the delicious ecstasy, so I was the recipient +of light and exquisite felicity which could have no explanation or +analysis. I did not try to think,--it was enough for me simply to +BE. I realised, of course, that with the Harlands and their two paid +attendants, the materialist Dr. Brayle, and the secretarial machine, +Swinton, Rafel Santoris could have nothing in common,--and as I +know, by daily experience, that not even the most trifling event +happens without a predestined cause for its occurrence and a purpose +in its result, I was sure that the reason for his coming into touch +with us at all was to be found in connection, through some +mysterious intuition, with myself. However, as I say, I did not +think about it,--I was content to breathe the invigorating air of +peace and serenity in which my spirit seemed to float on wings. I +slept like a child who is only tired out with play and pleasure,--I +woke like a child to whom the world is all new and brimful of +beauty. That it was a sunny day seemed right and natural--clouds and +rain could hardly have penetrated the brilliant atmosphere in which +I lived and moved. It was an atmosphere of my own creating, of +course, and therefore not liable to be disturbed by storms unless I +chose. It is possible for every human being to live in the sunshine +of the soul whatever may be the material surroundings of the body. +The so-called 'practical' person would have said to me:--'Why are +you happy?' There is no real cause for this sudden elation. You think +you have met someone who is in sympathy with your tastes, ideas and +feelings,--but you may be quite wrong, and this bright wave of joy +into which you are plunging heedlessly may fling you bruised and +broken on a desolate shore for the remainder of your life. One would +think you had fallen in love at first sight. + +To which I should have replied that there is no such thing as +falling in love at first sight,--that the very expression--'falling +in love'--conveys a false idea, and that what the world generally +calls 'love' is not love at all. Moreover, there was nothing in my +heart or mind with regard to Rafel Santoris save a keen interest and +sense of friendship. I was sure that his beliefs were the same as +mine, and that he had been working along the same lines which I had +endeavoured to follow; and just as two musicians, inspired by a +mutual love of their art, may be glad to play their instruments +together in time and tune, even so I felt that he and I had met on a +plane of thought where we had both for a long time been separately +wandering. + +The 'Dream' yacht, with its white sails spread ready for a cruise, +was as beautiful by day in the sunshine under a blue sky as by night +with its own electric radiance flashing its outline against the +stars, and I was eager to be on board. We were, however, delayed by +an 'attack of nerves' on the part of Catherine, who during the +morning was seized with a violent fit of hysteria to which she +completely gave way, sobbing, laughing and gasping for breath in a +manner which showed her to be quite unhinged and swept from self- +control. Dr. Brayle took her at once in charge, while Mr. Harland +fumed and fretted, pacing up and down in the saloon with an angry +face and brooding eyes. He looked at me where I stood waiting, ready +dressed for the excursion of the day, and said: + +"I'm sorry for all this worry. Catherine gets worse and worse. Her +nerves tear her to pieces." + +"She allows them to do so,"--I answered--"And Dr. Brayle allows her +to give them their way." + +He shrugged his shoulders. + +"You don't like Brayle,"--he said--"But he's clever, and he does his +best." + +"To keep his patients,"--I hinted, with a smile. + +He turned on his heel and faced me. + +"Well now, come!" he said--"Could YOU cure her?" + +"I could have cured her in the beginning,"--I replied, "But hardly +now. No one can cure her now but herself." + +He paced up and down again. + +"She won't be able to go with us to visit Santoris," he said--"I'm +sure of that." + +"Shall we put it off?" I suggested. + +His eyebrows went up in surprise at me. + +"Why no, certainly not. It will be a change for you and a pleasure +of which I would not deprive you. Besides, I want to go myself. But +Catherine--" + +Dr. Brayle here entered the saloon with his softest step and most +professional manner. + +"Miss Harland is better now,"--he said--"She will be quite calm in a +few minutes. But she must remain quiet. It will not be safe for her +to attempt any excursion today." + +"Well, that need not prevent the rest of us from going."--said Mr. +Harland. + +"Oh no, certainly not! In fact, Miss Harland said she hoped you +would go, and make her excuses to Mr. Santoris. I shall, of course, +be in attendance on her." + +"You won't come, then?"--and an unconscious look of relief +brightened Mr. Harland's features--"And as Swinton doesn't wish to +join us, we shall be only a party of three--Captain Derrick, myself +and our little friend here. We may as well be off. Is the boat +ready?" + +We were informed that Mr. Santoris had sent his own boat and men to +fetch us, and that they had been waiting for some few minutes. We at +once prepared to go, and while Mr. Harland was getting his overcoat +and searching for his field-glasses, Dr. Brayle spoke to me in a low +tone-- + +"The truth of the matter is that Miss Harland has been greatly upset +by the visit of Mr. Santoris and by some of the things he said last +night. She could not sleep, and was exceedingly troubled in her mind +by the most distressing thoughts. I am very glad she has decided not +to see him again to-day." + +"Do you consider his influence harmful?" I queried, somewhat amused. + +"I consider him not quite sane,"--Dr. Brayle answered, coldly--"And +highly nervous persons like Miss Harland are best without the +society of clever but wholly irresponsible theorists." + +The colour burned in my cheeks. + +"You include me in that category, of course,"--I said, quietly--"For +I said last night that if Mr. Santoris was mad, then I am too, for I +hold the same views." + +He smiled a superior smile. + +"There is no harm in you,"--he answered, condescendingly--"You may +think what you like,--you are only a woman. Very clever--very +charming--and full of the most delightful fancies,--but weighted +(fortunately) with the restrictions of your sex. I mean no offence, +I assure you,--but a woman's 'views,' whatever they are, are never +accepted by rational beings." + +I laughed. + +"I see! And rational beings must always be men!" I said--"You are +quite certain of that?" + +"In the fact that men ordain the world's government and progress, +you have your answer,"--he replied. + +"Alas, poor world!" I murmured--"Sometimes it rebels against the +'rationalism' of its rulers!" + +Just then Mr. Harland called me, and I hastened to join him and +Captain Derrick. The boat which was waiting for us was manned by +four sailors who wore white jerseys trimmed with scarlet, bearing +the name of the yacht to which they belonged--the 'Dream.' These men +were dark-skinned and dark-eyed,--we took them at first for +Portuguese or Malays, but they turned out to be from Egypt. They +saluted us, but did not speak, and as soon as we were seated, pulled +swiftly away across the water. Captain Derrick watched their +movements with great interest and curiosity. + +"Plenty of grit in those chaps,"--he said, aside to Mr. Harland-- +"Look at their muscular arms! I suppose they don't speak a word of +English." + +Mr. Harland thereupon tried one of them with a remark about the +weather. The man smiled--and the sudden gleam of his white teeth +gave a wonderful light and charm to his naturally grave cast of +countenance. + +"Beautiful day!"--he said,--"Very happy sky!" + +This expression 'happy sky' attracted me. It recalled to my mind a +phrase I had once read in the translation of an inscription found in +an Egyptian sarcophagus--"The peace of the morning befriend thee, +and the light of the sunset and the happiness of the sky." The words +rang in my ears with an odd familiarity, like the verse of some poem +loved and learned by heart in childhood. + +In a very few minutes we were alongside the 'Dream' and soon on +board, where Rafel Santoris received us with kindly courtesy and +warmth of welcome. He expressed polite regret at the absence of Miss +Harland--none for that of Dr. Brayle or Mr. Swinton--and then +introduced us to his captain, an Italian named Marino Fazio, of whom +Santoris said to us, smilingly:-- + +"He is a scientist as well as a skipper--and he needs to be both in +the management of such a vessel as this. He will take Captain +Derrick in his charge and explain to him the mystery of our +brilliant appearance at night, and also the secret of our sailing +without wind." + +Fazio saluted, and smiled a cheerful response. + +"Are you ready to start now?" he asked, speaking very good English +with just the slightest trace of a foreign accent. + +"Perfectly!" + +Fazio lifted his hand with a sign to the man at the wheel. Another +moment and the yacht began to move. Without the slightest noise,-- +without the grinding of ropes, or rattling of chains, or creaking +boards, she swung gracefully round, and began to glide through the +water with a swiftness that was almost incredible. The sails filled, +though the air was intensely warm and stirless--an air in which any +ordinary schooner would have been hopelessly becalmed,--and almost +before we knew it we were out of Loch Scavaig and flying as though +borne on the wings of some great white bird, all along the wild and +picturesque coast of Skye towards Loch Bracadale. One of the most +remarkable features about the yacht was the extraordinary lightness +with which she skimmed the waves--she seemed to ride on their +surface rather than part them with her keel. Everything on board +expressed the finest taste as well as the most perfect convenience, +and I saw Mr. Plarland gazing about him in utter amazement at the +elegant sumptuousness of his surroundings. Santoris showed us all +over the vessel, talking to us with the ease of quite an old friend. + +"You know the familiar axiom,"--he said--"'Anything worth doing at +all is worth doing well.' The 'Dream' was first of all nothing but a +dream in my brain till I set to work with Fazio and made it a +reality. Owing to our discovery of the way in which to compel the +waters to serve us as our motive power, we have no blackening smoke +or steam, so that our furniture and fittings are preserved from +dinginess and tarnish. It was possible to have the saloon delicately +painted, as you see,"--here he opened the door of the apartment +mentioned, and we stepped into it as into a fairy palace. It was +much loftier than the usual yacht saloon, and on all sides the +windows were oval shaped, set in between the most exquisitely +painted panels of sea pieces, evidently the work of some great +artist. Overhead the ceiling was draped with pale turquoise blue +silk forming a canopy, which was gathered in rich folds on all four +sides, having in its centre a crystal lamp in the shape of a star. + +"You live like a king"--then said Mr. Harland, a trifle bitterly-- +"You know how to use your father's fortune." + +"My father's fortune was made to be used," answered Santoris, with +perfect good-humour--"And I think he is perfectly satisfied with my +mode of expending it. But very little of it has been touched. I have +made my own fortune." + +"Indeed! How?" And Harland looked as he evidently felt, keenly +interested. + +"Ah, that's asking too much of me!" laughed Santoris. "You may be +satisfied, however, that it's not through defrauding my neighbours. +It's comparatively easy to be rich if you have coaxed any of Mother +Nature's secrets out of her. She is very kind to her children, if +they are kind to her,--in fact, she spoils them, for the more they +ask of her the more she gives. Besides, every man should make his +own money even if he inherits wealth,--it is the only way to feel +worthy of a place in this beautiful, ever-working world." + +He preceded us out of the saloon and showed us the State-rooms, of +which there were five, daintily furnished in white and blue and +white and rose. + +"These are for my guests when I have any," he said, "Which is very +seldom. This for a princess--if ever one should honour me with her +presence!" + +And he opened a door on his right, through which we peered into a +long, lovely room, gleaming with iridescent hues and sparkling with +touches of gold and crystal. The bed was draped with cloudy lace +through which a shimmer of pale rose-colour made itself visible, and +the carpet of dark moss-green formed a perfect setting for the +quaintly shaped furniture, which was all of sandal-wood inlaid with +ivory. On a small table of carved ivory in the centre of the room +lay a bunch of Madonna lilies tied with a finely twisted cord of +gold. We murmured our admiration, and Santoris addressed himself +directly to me for the first time since we had come on board. + +"Will you go in and rest for a while till luncheon?" he said--"I +placed the lilies there for your acceptance." + +The colour rushed to my cheeks,--I looked up at him in a little +wonderment. + +"But I am not a princess!" + +His eyes smiled down into mine. + +"No? Then I must have dreamed you were!" + +My heart gave a quick throb,--some memory touched my brain, but what +it was I could not tell. Mr. Harland glanced at me and laughed. + +"What did I tell you the other day?" he said--"Did I not call you +the princess of a fairy tale? I was not far wrong!" + +They left me to myself then, and as I stood alone in the beautiful +room which had thus been placed at my disposal, a curious feeling +came over me that these luxurious surroundings were, after all, not +new to my experience. I had been accustomed to them for a great part +of my life. Stay!--how foolish of me!--'a great part of my life'?-- +then what part of it? I briefly reviewed my own career,--a difficult +and solitary childhood,--the hard and uphill work which became my +lot as soon as I was old enough to work at all,--incessant study, +and certainly no surplus of riches. Then where had I known luxury? I +sank into a chair, dreamily considering. The floating scent of +sandal-wood and the perfume of lilies commingled was like the breath +of an odorous garden in the East, familiar to me long ago, and as I +sat musing I became conscious of a sudden inrush of power and sense +of dominance which lifted me as it were above myself, as though I +had, without any warning, been given the full control of a great +kingdom and its people. Catching sight of my own reflection in an +opposite mirror, I was startled and almost afraid at the expression +of my face, the proud light in my eyes, the smile on my lips. + +"What am I thinking of!" I said, half aloud--"I am not my true self +to-day,--some remnant of a cast-off pride has arisen in me and made +me less of a humble student. I must not yield to this overpowering +demand on my soul,--it is surely an evil suggestion which asserts +itself like the warning pain or fever of an impending disease. Can +it be the influence of Santoris? No!--I will never believe it!" + +And yet a vague uneasiness beset me, and I rose and paced about +restlessly,--then pausing where the lovely Madonna lilies lay on the +ivory table, I remembered they had been put there for me. I raised +them gently, inhaling their delicious fragrance, and as I did so, +saw, lying immediately underneath them, a golden Cross of a mystic +shape I knew well,--its upper half set on the face of a seven- +pointed Star, also of gold. With joy I took it up and kissed it +reverently, and as I compared it with the one I always secretly wore +on my own person, I knew that all was well, and that I need have no +distrust of Rafel Santoris. No injurious effect on my mind could +possibly be exerted by his influence--and I was thrown back on +myself for a clue to that singular wave of feeling, so entirely +contrary to my own disposition, which had for a moment overwhelmed +me. I could not trace its source, but I speedily conquered it. +Fastening one of the snowy lilies in my waistband, as a contrast to +the bright bit of bell-heather which I cherished even more than if +it were a jewel, I presently went up on deck, where I found my host, +Mr. Harland, Captain Derrick and Marino Fazio all talking animatedly +together. + +"The mystery is cleared up,"--said Mr. Harland, addressing me as I +approached--"Captain Derrick is satisfied. He has learned how one of +the finest schooners he has ever seen can make full speed in any +weather without wind." + +"Oh no, I haven't learned how to do it,--I'm a long way off that!"-- +said Derrick, good-humouredly--"But I've seen how it's done. And +it's marvellous! If that invention could be applied to all ships--" + +"Ah!--but first of all it would be necessary to instruct the +shipbuilders!"--put in Fazio--"They would have to learn their trade +all over again. Our yacht looks as though she were built on the same +lines as all yachts,--but you know--you have seen--she is entirely +different!" + +Captain Derrick gave a nod of grave emphasis. Santoris meantime had +come to my side. Our glances met,--he saw that I had received and +understood the message of the lilies, and a light and colour came +into his eyes that made them beautiful. + +"Men have not yet fully enjoyed their heritage," he said, taking up +the conversation--"Our yacht's motive power seems complex, but in +reality it is very simple,--and the same force which propels this +light vessel would propel the biggest liner afloat. Nature has given +us all the materials for every kind of work and progress, physical +and mental--but because we do not at once comprehend them we deny +their uses. Nothing in the air, earth or water exists which we may +not press into our service,--and it is in the study of natural +forces that we find our conquest. What hundreds of years it took us +to discover the wonders of steam!--how the discoverer was mocked and +laughed at!--yet it was not really 'wonderful'--it was always there, +waiting to be employed, and wasted by mere lack of human effort. One +can say the same of electricity, sometimes called 'miraculous'--it +is no miracle, but perfectly common and natural, only we have, until +now, failed to apply it to our needs,--and even when wider +disclosures of science are being made to us every day, we still bar +knowledge by obstinacy, and remain in ignorance rather than learn. A +few grains in weight of hydrogen have power enough to raise a +million tons to a height of more than three hundred feet,--and if we +could only find a way to liberate economically and with discretion +the various forces which Spirit and Matter contain, we might change +the whole occupation of man and make of him less a labourer than +thinker, less mortal than angel! The wildest fairy-tales might come +true, and earth be transformed into a paradise! And as for motive +power, in a thimbleful of concentrated fuel we might take the +largest ship across the widest ocean. I say if we could only find a +way! Some think they are finding it--" + +"You, for example?"--suggested Mr. Harland. + +He laughed. + +"I--if you like!--for example! Will you come to luncheon?" + +He led the way, and Mr. Harland and I followed. Captain Derrick, who +I saw was a little afraid of him, had arranged to take his luncheon +with Fazio and the other officers of the crew apart. We were waited +upon by dark-skinned men attired in the picturesque costume of the +East, who performed their duties with noiseless grace and swiftness. +The yacht had for some time slackened speed, and appeared to be +merely floating lazily on the surface of the calm water. We were +told she could always do this and make almost imperceptible headway, +provided there was no impending storm in the air. It seemed as if we +were scarcely moving, and the whole atmosphere surrounding us +expressed the most delicious tranquillity. The luncheon prepared for +us was of the daintiest and most elegant description, and Mr. +Harland, who on account of his ill-health seldom had any appetite, +enjoyed it with a zest and heartiness I had never seen him display +before. He particularly appreciated the wine, a rich, ruby-coloured +beverage which was unlike anything I had ever tasted. + +"There is nothing remarkable about it,"--said Santoris, I when +questioned as to its origin--"It is simply REAL wine,--though you +may say that of itself is remarkable, there being none in the +market. It is the pure juice of the grape, prepared in such a manner +as to nourish the blood without inflaming it. It can do you no +harm,--in fact, for you, Harland, it is an excellent thing." + +"Why for me in particular?" queried Harland, rather sharply. + +"Because you need it,"--answered Santoris--"My dear fellow, you are +not in the best of health. And you will never get better under your +present treatment." + +I looked up eagerly. + +"That is what I, too, have thought,"--I said--"only I dared not +express it!" + +Mr. Harland surveyed me with an amused smile. + +"Dared not! I know nothing you would not dare!--but with all your +boldness, you are full of mere theories,--and theories never made an +ill man well yet." + +Santoris exchanged a swift glance with me. Then he spoke:-- + +"Theory without practice is, of course, useless,"--he said--"But +surely you can see that this lady has reached a certain plane of +thought on which she herself dwells in health and content? And can +she not serve you as an object lesson?" + +"Not at all,"--replied Mr. Harland, almost testily--"She is a woman +whose life has been immersed in study and contemplation, and because +she has allowed herself to forego many of the world's pleasures she +can be made happy by a mere nothing--a handful of roses--or the +sound of sweet music--" + +"Are they 'nothings'?"--interrupted Santoris. + +"To business men they are--" + +"And business itself? Is it not also from some points of view a +'nothing'?" + +"Santoris, if you are going to be 'transcendental' I will have none +of you!" said Mr. Harland, with a vexed laugh--"What I wish to say +is merely this--that my little friend here, for whom I have a great +esteem, let me assure her!--is not really capable of forming an +opinion of the condition of a man like myself, nor can she judge of +the treatment likely to benefit me. She does not even know the +nature of my illness--but I can see that she has taken a dislike to +my physician, Brayle--" + +"I never 'take dislikes,' Mr. Harland,"--I interrupted, quickly--"I +merely trust to a guiding instinct which tells me when a man is +sincere or when he is acting a part. That's all." + +"Well, you've decided that Brayle is not sincere,"--he replied--"And +you hardly think him clever. But if you would consider the point +logically--you might enquire what motive could he possibly have for +playing the humbug with me?" + +Santoris smiled. + +"Oh, man of 'business'! YOU can ask that?" + +We were at the end of luncheon,--the servants had retired, and Mr. +Harland was sipping his coffee and smoking a cigar. + +"You can ask that?" he repeated--"You, a millionaire, with one +daughter who is your sole heiress, can ask what motive a man like +Brayle,--worldly, calculating and without heart--has in keeping you +both--both, I say--you and your daughter equally--in his medical +clutches?" + +Mr. Harland's sharp eyes flashed with a sudden menace. + +"If I thought--" he began--then he broke off. Presently he resumed-- +"You are not aware of the true state of affairs, Santoris. Wizard +and scientist as you are, you cannot know everything! I need +constant medical attendance--and my disease is incurable--" + +"No!"--said Santoris, quietly--"Not incurable." + +A sudden hope illumined Harland's worn and haggard face. + +"Not incurable! But--my good fellow, you don't even know what it +is!" + +"I do. I also know how it began, and when,--how it has progressed, +and how it will end. I know, too, how it can be checked--cut off in +its development, and utterly destroyed,--but the cure would depend +on yourself more than on Dr. Brayle or any other physician. At +present no good is being done and much harm. For instance, you are +in pain now?" + +"I am--but how can you tell?" + +"By the small, almost imperceptible lines on your face which +contract quite unconsciously to yourself. I can stop that dreary +suffering at once for you, if you will let me." + +"Oh, I will 'let' you, certainly!" and Mr. Harland smiled +incredulously,--"But I think you over-estimate your abilities." + +"I was never a boaster,"--replied Santoris, cheerfully--"But you +shall keep whatever opinion you like of me." And he drew from his +pocket a tiny crystal phial set in a sheath of gold. "A touch of +this in your glass of wine will make you feel a new man." + +We watched him with strained attention as he carefully allowed two +small drops of liquid, bright and clear as dew to fall one after the +other into Mr. Harland's glass. + +"Now,"--he continued--"drink without fear, and say good-bye to all +pain for at least forty-eight hours." + +With a docility quite unusual to him Mr. Harland obeyed. + +"May I go on smoking?" he asked. + +"You may." + +A minute passed, and Mr. Harland's face expressed a sudden surprise +and relief. + +"Well! What now?" asked Santoris--"How is the pain?" + +"Gone!" he answered--"I can hardly believe it--but I'm bound to +admit it!" + +"That's right! And it will not come back--not to-day, at any rate, +nor to-morrow. Shall we go on deck now?" + +We assented. As we left the saloon he said: + +"You must see the glow of the sunset over Loch Coruisk. It's always +a fine sight and it promises to be specially fine this evening,-- +there are so many picturesque clouds floating about. We are turning +back to Loch Scavaig,--and when we get there we can land and do the +rest of the excursion on foot. It's not much of a climb; will you +feel equal to it?" + +This question he put to me personally. + +I smiled. + +"Of course! I feel equal to anything! Besides, I've been very lazy +on board the 'Diana,' taking no real exercise. A walk will do me +good." + +Mr. Harland seated himself in one of the long reclining chairs which +were placed temptingly under an awning on deck. His eyes were +clearer and his face more composed than I had ever seen it. + +"Those drops you gave me are magical, Santoris!"--he said--"I wish +you'd let me have a supply!" + +Santoris stood looking down upon him kindly. + +"It would not be safe for you,"--he answered--"The remedy is a +sovereign one if used very rarely, and with extreme caution, but in +uninstructed hands it is dangerous. Its work is to stimulate certain +cells--at the same time (like all things taken in excess) it can +destroy them. Moreover, it would not agree with Dr. Brayle's +medicines." + +"You really and truly think Brayle an impostor?" + +"Impostor is a strong word! No!--I will give him credit for +believing in himself up to a certain point. But of course he knows +that the so-called 'electric' treatment he is giving to your +daughter is perfectly worthless, just as he knows that she is not +really ill." + +"Not really ill!" + +Mr. Harland almost bounced up in his chair, while I felt a secret +thrill of satisfaction. "Why, she's been a miserable, querulous +invalid for years--" + +"Since she broke off her engagement to a worthless rascal"--said +Santoris, calmly. "You see, I know all about it." + +I listened, astonished. How did he know, how could he know, the +intimate details of a life like Catherine's which could scarcely be +of interest to a man such as he was? + +"Your daughter's trouble is written on her face"--he went on-- +"Warped affections, slain desires, disappointed hopes,--and neither +the strength nor the will to turn these troubles to blessings. +Therefore they resemble an army of malarious germs which are eating +away her moral fibre. Brayle knows that what she needs is the belief +that someone has an interest not only in her, but in the +particularly morbid view she has taught herself to take of life. He +is actively showing that interest. The rest is easy,--and will be +easier when--well!--when you are gone." + +Mr. Harland was silent, drawing slow whiffs from his cigar. After a +long pause, he said-- + +"You are prejudiced, and I think you are mistaken. You only saw the +man for a few minutes last night, and you know nothing of him--" + +"Nothing,--except what he is bound to reveal,"--answered Santoris. + +"What do you mean?" + +"You will not believe me if I tell you,"--and Santoris, drawing a +chair close to mine, sat down,--"Yet I am sure this lady, who is +your friend and guest, will corroborate what I say,--though, of +course, you will not believe HER! In fact, my dear Harland, as you +have schooled yourself to believe NOTHING, why urge me to point out +a truth you decline to accept? Had you lived in the time of Galileo +you would have been one of his torturers!" + +"I ask you to explain," said Mr. Harland, with a touch of pique-- +"Whether I accept your explanation or not is my own affair." + +"Quite!" agreed Santoris, with a slight smile--"As I told you long +ago at Oxford, a man's life is his own affair entirely. He can do +what he likes with it. But he can no more command the RESULT of what +he does with it than the sun can conceal its rays. Each individual +human being, male and female alike, moves unconsciously in the light +of self-revealment, as though all his or her faults and virtues were +reflected like the colours in a prism, or were set out in a window +for passers-by to gaze upon. Fortunately for the general peace of +society, however, most passers-by are not gifted with the sight to +see the involuntary display." + +"You speak in enigmas," said Harland, impatiently--"And I'm not good +at guessing them." + +Santoris regarded him fixedly. His eyes were luminous and +compassionate. + +"The simplest truths are to you 'enigmas,'" he said, regretfully--"A +pity it is so! You ask me what I mean when I say a man is 'bound to +reveal himself.' The process of self-revealment accompanies self- +existence, as much as the fragrance of a rose accompanies its +opening petals. You can never detach yourself from your own +enveloping aura neither in body nor in soul. Christ taught this when +He said:--'Let your light so shine before men that they may see your +good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.' Your +'light'--remember!--that word 'light' is not used here as a figure +of speech but as a statement of fact. A positive 'light' surrounds +you--it is exhaled and produced by your physical and moral being,-- +and those among us who have cultivated their inner organs of vision +see IT before they see YOU. It can be of the purest radiance,-- +equally it can be a mere nebulous film,--but whatever the moral and +physical condition of the man or woman concerned it is always shown +in the aura which each separate individual expresses for himself or +herself. In this way Dr. Brayle reveals his nature to me as well as +the chief tendency of his thoughts,--in this way YOU reveal yourself +and your present state of health,--it is a proved test that cannot +go wrong." + +Mr. Harland listened with his usual air of cynical tolerance and +incredulity. + +"I have heard this sort of nonsense before,"--he said--"I have even +read in otherwise reliable scientific journals about the 'auras' of +people affecting us with antipathies or sympathies for or against +them. But it's a merely fanciful suggestion and has no foundation in +reality." + +"Why did you wish me to explain, then?" asked Santoris--"I can only +tell you what I know, and--what I see!" + +Harland moved restlessly, holding his cigar between his fingers and +looking at it curiously to avoid, as I thought, the steadfast +brilliancy of the compelling eyes that were fixed upon him. + +"These 'auras,'" he went on, indifferently, "are nothing but +suppositions. I grant you that certain discoveries are being made +concerning the luminosity of trees and plants which in some states +of the atmosphere give out rays of light,--but that human beings do +the same I decline to believe." + +"Of course!" and Santoris leaned back in his chair easily, as though +at once dismissing the subject from his mind--"A man born blind must +needs decline to believe in the pleasures of sight." + +Harland's wrinkled brow deepened its furrows in a frown. + +"Do you mean to tell me,--do you DARE to tell me"--he said--"that +you see any 'aura,' as you call it, round my personality?" + +"I do, most assuredly,"--answered Santoris--"I see it as distinctly +as I see yourself in the midst of it. But there is no actual light +in it,--it is mere grey mist,--a mist of miasma." + +"Thank you!" and Harland laughed harshly--"You are complimentary!" + +"Is it a time for compliments?" asked Santoris, with sudden +sternness--"Harland, would you have me tell you ALL?" + +Harland's face grew livid. He threw up his hand with a warning +gesture. + +"No!" he said, almost violently. He clutched the arm of his chair +with a nervous grip, and for one instant looked like a hunted +creature caught red-handed in some act of crime. Recovering himself +quickly, he forced a smile. + +"What about our little friend's 'aura'?"-he queried, glancing at me- +-"Does she 'express' herself in radiance?" + +Santoris did not reply for a moment. Then he turned his eyes towards +me almost wistfully. + +"She does!"--he answered--"I wish you could see her as I see her!" + +There was a moment's silence. My face grew warm, and I was vaguely +embarrassed, but I met his gaze fully and frankly. + +"And _I_ wish I could see myself as you see me,"--I said, half +laughingly--"For I am not in the least aware of my own aura." + +"It is not intended that anyone should be visibly aware of it in +their own personality,"--he answered--"But I think it is right we +should realise the existence of these radiant or cloudy exhalations +which we ourselves weave around ourselves, so that we may 'walk in +the light as children of the light.'" + +His voice sank to a grave and tender tone which checked Mr. Harland +in something he was evidently about to say, for he bit his lip and +was silent. + +I rose from my chair and moved away then, looking--from the smooth +deck of the 'Dream' shadowed by her full white sails out to the +peaks of the majestic hills whose picturesque beauties are sung in +the wild strains of Ossian, and the projecting crags, deep hollows +and lofty pinnacles outlining the coast with its numerous +waterfalls, lochs and shadowy creeks. A thin and delicate haze of +mist hung over the land like a pale violet veil through which the +sun shot beams of rose and gold, giving a vaporous unsubstantial +effect to the scenery as though it were gliding with us like a cloud +pageant on the surface of the calm water. The shores of Loch Scavaig +began to be dimly seen in the distance, and presently Captain +Derrick approached Mr. Harland, spy-glass in hand. + +"The 'Diana' must have gone for a cruise,"--he said, in rather a +perturbed way--"As far as I can make out, there's no sign of her +where we left her this morning." + +Mr. Harland heard this indifferently. + +"Perhaps Catherine wished for a sail,"--he answered. "There are +plenty on board to manage the vessel. You're not anxious?" + +"Oh, not at all, sir, if you are satisfied,"--Derrick answered. + +Mr. Harland stretched himself luxuriously in his chair. + +"Personally, I don't mind where the 'Diana' has gone to for the +moment,"--he said, with a laugh--"I'm particularly comfortable where +I am. Santoris!" + +"Here!" And Santoris, who had stepped aside to give some order to +one of his men, came up at the call. + +"What do you say to leaving me on board while you and my little +friend go and see your sunset effect on Loch Coruisk by yourselves?" + +Santoris heard this suggestion with an amused look. + +"You don't care for sunsets?" + +"Oh yes, I do,--in a way. But I've seen so many of them--" + +"No two alike"--put in Santoris. + +"I daresay not. Still, I don't mind missing a few. Just now I should +like a sound sleep rather than a sunset. It's very unsociable, I +know,--but--" here he half closed his eyes and seemed inclined to +doze off there and then. + +Santoris turned to me. + +"What do you say? Can you put up with my company for an hour or two +and allow me to be your guide to Loch Coruisk? Or would you, too, +rather not see the sunset?", + +Our eyes met. A thrill of mingled joy and fear ran through me, and +again I felt that strange sense of power and dominance which had +previously overwhelmed me. + +"Indeed, I have set my heart on going to Loch Coruisk"--I answered, +lightly--"And I cannot let you off your promise to take me there! We +will leave Mr. Harland to his siesta." + +"You're sure you do not mind?"--said Harland, then, opening his eyes +drowsily--"You will be perfectly safe with Santoris." + +I smiled. I did not need that assurance. And I talked gaily with +Captain Derrick on the subject of the 'Diana' and the course of her +possible cruise, while he scanned the waters in search of her,--and +I watched with growing impatience our gradual approach to Loch +Scavaig, which in the bright afternoon looked scarcely less dreary +than at night, especially now that the 'Diana' was no longer there +to give some air of human occupation to the wild and barren +surroundings. The sun was well inclined towards the western horizon +when the 'Dream' reached her former moorings and noiselessly dropped +anchor, and about twenty minutes later the electric launch belonging +to the vessel was lowered and I entered it with Santoris, a couple +of his men managing the boat as it rushed through the dark steel- +coloured water to the shore. + + + + +VIII + +VISIONS + + +The touch of the earth seemed strange to me after nearly a week +spent at sea, and as I sprang from the launch on to the rough rocks, +aided by Santoris, I was for a moment faint and giddy. The dark +mountain summits seemed to swirl round me,--and the glittering +water, shining like steel, had the weird effect of a great mirror in +which a fluttering vision of something undefined and undeclared rose +and passed like a breath. I recovered myself with an effort and +stood still, trying to control the foolish throbbing of my heart, +while my companion gave a few orders to his men in a language which +I thought I knew, though I could not follow it. + +"Are you speaking Gaelic?" I asked him, with a smile. + +"No!--only something very like it--Phoenician." + +He looked straight at me as he said this, and his eyes, darkly blue +and brilliant, expressed a world of suggestion. He went on:-- + +"All this country was familiar ground to the Phoenician colonists of +ages ago. I am sure you know that! The Gaelic tongue is the genuine +dialect of the ancient Phoenician Celtic, and when I speak the +original language to a Highlander who only knows his native Gaelic +he understands me perfectly." + +I was silent. We moved away from the shore, walking slowly side by +side. Presently I paused, looking back at the launch we had just +left. + +"Your men are not Highlanders?" + +"No--they are from Egypt." + +"But surely,"--I said, with some hesitation--"Phoenician is no +longer known or spoken?" + +"Not by the world of ordinary men,"--he answered--"I know it and +speak it,--and so do most of those who serve me. You have heard it +before, only you do not quite remember." I looked at him, startled. +He smiled, adding gently:--"Nothing dies--not even a language!" + +We were not yet out of sight of the men. They had pushed the launch +off shore again and were starting it back to the yacht, it being +arranged that they should return for us in a couple of hours. We +were following a path among slippery stones near a rushing torrent, +but as we turned round a sharp bend we lost the view of Loch Scavaig +itself and were for the first time truly alone. Huge mountains, +crowned with jagged pinnacles, surrounded us on all sides,--here and +there tufts of heather clinging to large masses of dark stone blazed +rose-purple in the declining sunshine,--the hollow sound of the +falling stream made a perpetual crooning music in our ears, and the +warm, stirless air seemed breathless, as though hung in suspense +above us waiting for the echo of some word or whisper that should +betray a life's secret. Such a silence held us that it was almost +unbearable,--every nerve in my body seemed like a strained harp- +string ready to snap at a touch,--and yet I could not speak. I tried +to get the mastery over the rising tide of thought, memory and +emotion that surged in my soul like a tempest--swiftly and +peremptorily I argued with myself that the extraordinary chaos of my +mind was only due to my own imaginings,--nevertheless, despite my +struggles, I remained caught as it were in a web that imprisoned +every faculty and sense,--a web fine as gossamer, yet unbreakable as +iron. In a kind of desperation I raised my eyes, burning with the +heat of restrained tears, and saw Santoris watching me with patient, +almost appealing tenderness. I felt that he could read my +unexpressed trouble, and involuntarily I stretched out my hands to +him. + +"Tell me!" I half whispered-"What is it I must know? We are +strangers--and yet--" + +He caught my hands in his own. + +"Not strangers!" he said, his voice trembling a little--"You cannot +say that! Not strangers--but old friends!" + +The strong gentleness of his clasp recalled the warm pressure of the +invisible hands that had guided me out of darkness in my dream of a +few nights past. I looked up into his face, and every line of it +became suddenly, startlingly familiar. The deep-set blue eyes,--the +broad brows and intellectual features were all as well known to me +as might be the portrait of a beloved one to the lover, and my heart +almost stood still with the wonder and terror of the recognition. + +"Not strangers,"--he repeated, with quiet emphasis, as though to +reassure me--"Only since we last met we have travelled far asunder. +Have yet a little patience! You will presently remember me as well +as I remember you!" + +With the rush of startled recollection I found my voice. + +"I remember you now!"--I said, in low, unsteady tones--"I have seen +you often--often! But where? Tell me where? Oh, surely you know!" + +He still held my hands with the tenderest force,--and seemed, like +myself, to find speech difficult. If two deeply attached friends, +parted for many years, were all unexpectedly to meet in some +solitary place where neither had thought to see a living soul, their +emotion could hardly be keener than ours,--and yet--there was an +invisible barrier between us--a barrier erected either by him or by +myself,--something that held us apart. The sudden and overpowering +demand made upon our strength by the swift and subtle attraction +which drew us together was held in check by ourselves,--and it was +as if we were each separately surrounded by a circle across which +neither of us dared to pass. I looked at him in mingled fear and +questioning--his eyes were gravely thoughtful and full of light. + +"Yes, I know,"--he answered, at last, speaking very softly--while, +gently releasing one of my hands, he held the other--"I know,--but +we need not speak of that! As I have already said, you will remember +all by gradual degrees. We are never permitted to entirely forget. +But it is quite natural that now--at this immediate hour--we should +find it strange--you, perhaps, more than I--that something impels us +one to the other,--something that will not be gainsaid,--something +that if all the powers of earth and heaven could intervene, which by +simplest law they cannot, will take no denial!" + +I trembled, not with fear, but with an exquisite delight I dared not +pause to analyse. He pressed my hand more closely. + +"We had better walk on,"--he continued, averting his gaze from mine +for the moment--"If I say more just now I shall say too much--and +you will be frightened,--perhaps offended. I have been guilty of so +many errors in the past,--you must help me to avoid them in the +future. Come!"--and he turned his eyes again upon me with a smile-- +"Let us see the sunset!" + +We moved on for a few moments in absolute silence, he still holding +my hand and guiding me up the rough path we followed. The noise of +the rushing torrent sounded louder in my ears, sometimes with a +clattering insistence as though it sought to match itself against +the surging of my own quick blood in an endeavour to drown my +thoughts. On we went and still onward,--the path seemed +interminable, though it was in reality a very short journey. But +there was such a weight of unutterable things pressing on my soul +like a pent-up storm craving for outlet, that every step measured +itself as almost a mile. + +At last we paused; we were in full view of Loch Coruisk and its +weird splendour. On all sides arose bare and lofty mountains, broken +and furrowed here and there by deep hollows and corries,--supremely +grand in their impressive desolation, uplifting their stony peaks +around us like the walls and turrets of a gigantic fortress, and +rising so abruptly and so impenetrably encompassing the black +stretch of water below, that it seemed impossible for a sunbeam to +force its shining entrance into such a circle of dense gloom. Yet +there was a shower of golden light pouring aslant down one of the +highest of the hills, brightening to vivid crimson stray clumps of +heather, touching into pale green some patches of moss and lichen, +and giving the dazzling flash of silver to the white wings of a sea- +gull which soared above our heads uttering wild cries like a +creature in pain. Pale blue mists were rising from the surface of +the lake, and the fitful gusts of air that rushed over the rocky +summits played with these impalpable vapours borne inland from the +Atlantic, and tossed them to and fro into fantastic shapes--some +like flying forms with long hair streaming behind them--some like +armed warriors, hurtling their spears against each other,--and some +like veiled ghosts hurrying past as though driven to their land of +shadows by shuddering fear. We stood silently hand in hand, watching +the uneasy flitting of these cloud phantoms, and waiting for the +deepening glow, which, when it should spread upwards from the rays +of the sinking sun, would transform the wild, dark scene to one of +almost supernatural splendour. Suddenly Santoris spoke: + +"Now shall I tell you where we last met?" he asked, very gently-- +"And may I show you the reasons why we meet again?" + +I lifted my eyes to his. My heart beat with suffocating quickness, +and thoughts were in my brain that threatened to overwhelm my small +remaining stock of self-control and make of me nothing but a +creature of tears and passion. I moved my lips in an effort to +speak, but no sound came from them. + +"Do not be afraid,"--he continued, in the same quiet tone--"It is +true that we must be careful now as in the past we were careless,-- +but perfect comprehension of each other rests with ourselves. May I +go on?" + +I gave a mute sign of assent. There was a rough craig near us, +curiously shaped like a sort of throne and canopy, the canopy being +formed by a thickly overhanging mass of rock and heather, and here +he made me sit down, placing himself beside me. From this point we +commanded a view of the head of the lake and the great mountain +which closes and dominates it,--and which now began to be illumined +with a strange witch-like glow of orange and purple, while a thin +mist moved slowly across it like the folds of a ghostly stage +curtain preparing to rise and display the first scene of some great +drama. + +"Sometimes," he then said,--"it happens, even in the world of cold +and artificial convention, that a man and woman are brought together +who, to their own immediate consciousness, have had no previous +acquaintance with each other, and yet with the lightest touch, the +swiftest glance of an eye, a million vibrations are set quivering in +them like harp-strings struck by the hand of a master and responding +each to each in throbbing harmony and perfect tune. They do not know +how it happens--they only feel it is. Then, nothing--I repeat this +with emphasis--nothing can keep them apart. Soul rushes to soul,-- +heart leaps to heart,--and all form and ceremony, custom and usage +crumble into dust before the power that overwhelms them. These +sudden storms of etheric vibration occur every day among the most +ordinary surroundings and with the most unlikely persons, and +Society as at present constituted frowns and shakes its head, or +jeers at what it cannot understand, calling such impetuosity folly, +or worse, while remaining wilfully blind to the fact that in its +strangest aspect it is nothing but the assertion of an Eternal Law. +Moreover, it is a law that cannot be set aside or broken with +impunity. Just as the one point of vibration sympathetically strikes +the other in the system of wireless telegraphy, so, despite millions +and millions of intervening currents and lines of divergence, the +immortal soul-spark strikes its kindred fire across a waste of +worlds until they meet in the compelling flash of that God's Message +called Love!" + +He paused--then went on slowly:-- + +"No force can turn aside one from the other,--nothing can intervene- +-not because it is either romance or reality, but simply because it +is a law. You understand?" + +I bent my head silently. + +"It may be thousands of years before such a meeting is +consummated,"--he continued--"For thousands of years are but hours +in the eternal countings. Yet in those thousands of years what lives +must be lived!--what lessons must be learned!--what sins committed +and expiated!--what precious time lost or found!--what happiness +missed or wasted!" + +His voice thrilled--and again he took my hand and held it gently +clasped. + +"You must believe in yourself alone,"--he said,--"if any lurking +thought suggests a disbelief in me! It is quite natural that you +should doubt me a little. You have studied long and deeply--you have +worked hard at problems which puzzle the strongest man's brain, and +you have succeeded in many things because you have kept what most +men manage to lose when grappling with Science,--Faith. You have +always studied with an uplifted heart--uplifted towards the things +unseen and eternal. But it has been a lonely heart, too,--as lonely +as mine!" + +A moment's silence followed,--a silence that seemed heavy and dark, +like a passing cloud, and instinctively I looked up to see if indeed +a brooding storm was not above us. A heaven of splendid colour met +my gaze--the whole sky was lighted with a glory of gold and blue. +But below this flaming radiance there was a motionless mass of grey +vapour, hanging square as it seemed across the face of the lofty +mountain at the head of the lake, like a great canvas set ready for +an artist's pencil and prepared to receive the creation of his +thought. I watched this in a kind of absorbed fascination, conscious +that the warm hand holding mine had strengthened its close grasp,-- +when suddenly something sharp and brilliant, like the glitter of a +sword or a forked flash of lightning, passed before my eyes with a +dizzying sensation, and the lake, the mountains, the whole +landscape, vanished like a fleeting mirage, and in all the visible +air only the heavy curtain of mist remained. I made an effort to +move--to speak--in vain! I thought some sudden illness must have +seized me--yet no!--for the half-swooning feeling that had for a +moment unsteadied my nerves had already passed--and I was calm +enough. Yet I saw more plainly than I have ever seen anything in +visible Nature, a slowly moving, slowly passing panorama of scenes +and episodes that presented themselves in marvellous outline and +colouring,--pictures that were gradually unrolled and spread out to +my view on the grey background of that impalpable mist which like a +Shadow hung between myself and impenetrable Mystery, and I realised +to the full that an eternal record of every life is written not only +in sound, but in light, in colour, in tune, in mathematical +proportion and harmony,--and that not a word, not a thought, not an +action is forgotten! + +A vast forest rose before me. I saw the long shadows of the leafy +boughs flung thick upon the sward and the wild tropical vines +hanging rope-like from the intertwisted stems. A golden moon looked +warmly in between the giant branches, flooding the darkness of the +scene with rippling radiance, and within its light two human beings +walked,--a man and woman--their arms round each other,--their faces +leaning close together. The man seemed pleading with his companion +for some favour which she withheld, and presently she drew herself +away from him altogether with a decided movement of haughty +rejection. I could not see her face,--but her attire was regal and +splendid, and on her head there shone a jewelled diadem. Her lover +stood apart for a moment with bent head--then he threw himself on +his knees before her and caught her hand in an evident outburst of +passionate entreaty. And while they stood thus together, I saw the +phantom-like figure of another woman moving towards them--she came +directly into the foreground of the picture, her white garments +clinging round her, her fair hair flung loosely over her shoulders, +and her whole demeanour expressing eagerness and fear. As she +approached, the man sprang up from his knees and, with a gesture of +fury, drew a dagger from his belt and plunged it into her heart! I +saw her reel back from the blow--I saw the red blood well up through +the whiteness of her clothing, and as she turned towards her +murderer, with a last look of appeal, I recognised MY OWN FACE IN +HERS!--and in his THE FACE OF SANTORIS! I uttered a cry,--or thought +I uttered it--a darkness swept over me--and the vision vanished! + + * * * + * * + * + +Another vivid flash struck my eyes, and I found myself looking upon +the crowded thoroughfares of a great city. Towers and temples, +palaces and bridges, presented themselves to my gaze in a network of +interminable width and architectural splendour, moving and swaying +before me like a wave glittering with a thousand sparkles uplifted +to the light. Presently this unsteadiness of movement resolved +itself into form and order, and I became, as it were, one unobserved +spectator among thousands, of a scene of picturesque magnificence. +It seemed that I stood in the enormous audience hall of a great +palace, where there were crowds of slaves, attendants and armed +men,--on all sides arose huge pillars of stone on which were carved +the winged heads of monsters and fabulous gods,--and looming out of +the shadows I saw the shapes of four giant Sphinxes which guarded a +throne set high above the crowd. A lambent light played quiveringly +on the gorgeous picture, growing more and more vivid as I looked, +and throbbing with colour and motion,--and I saw that on the throne +there sat a woman crowned and veiled,--her right hand held a sceptre +blazing with gold and gems. Slaves clad in costumes of the richest +workmanship and design abased themselves on either side of her, and +I heard the clash of brazen cymbals and war-like music, as the crowd +of people surged and swayed, and murmured and shouted, all +apparently moved by some special excitement or interest. Suddenly I +perceived the object on which the general attention was fixed--the +swooning body of a man, heavily bound in chains and lying at the +foot of the throne. Beside him stood a tall black slave, clad in +vivid scarlet and masked,--this sinister-looking creature held a +gleaming dagger uplifted ready to strike,--and as I saw this, a wild +yearning arose in me to save the threatened life of the bound and +helpless victim. If I could only rush to defend and drag him away +from impending peril, I thought!--but no!--I was forced to stand +helplessly watching the scene, with every fibre of my brain burning +with pent-up anguish. At this moment, the crowned and veiled woman +on the throne suddenly rose and stood upright,--with a commanding +gesture she stretched out her glittering sceptre--the sign was +given! Swiftly the dagger gleamed through the air and struck its +deadly blow straight home! I turned away my eyes in shuddering +horror,--but was compelled by some invincible power to raise them +again,--and the scene before me glowed red as with the hue of blood- +-I saw the slain victim,--the tumultuous crowd--and above all, the +relentless Queen who, with one movement of her little hand, had +swept away a life,--and as I looked upon her loathingly, she threw +back her shrouding golden veil. MY OWN FACE LOOKED FULL AT ME from +under the jewelled arch of her sparkling diadem--ah, wicked soul!--I +wildly cried--pitiless Queen!--then, as they lifted the body of the +murdered man, his livid countenance was turned towards me, and I saw +again the face of Santoris! Dumb and despairing I sank as it were +within myself, chilled with inexplicable misery, and I heard for the +first time in this singular pageant of vision a Voice--slow, calm, +and thrilling with infinite sadness: + +"A life for a life!"--it said--"The old eternal law!--a life for a +life! There is nothing taken which shall not be returned again-- +nothing lost which shall not be found--a life for a life!" + +Then came silence and utter darkness. + + * * * + * * + * + +Slowly brightening, slowly widening, a pale radiance like the +earliest glimmer of dawn stole gently on my eyes when I again raised +them. I saw the waving curve of a wide, sluggishly flowing river, +and near it a temple of red granite stood surrounded with shadowing +foliage and bright clumps of flowers. Huge palms lifted their +fronded heads to the sky, and on the edge of the quiet stream there +loitered a group of girls and women. One of these stood apart, sad +and alone, the others looking at her with something of pity and +scorn. Near her was a tall upright column of black basalt, as it +seemed, bearing the sculptured head of a god. The features were calm +and strong and reposeful, expressive of dignity, wisdom and power. +And as I looked, more people gathered together--I heard strains of +solemn music pealing from the temple close by--and I saw the +solitary woman draw herself farther apart and almost disappear among +the shadows. The light grew brighter in the east,--the sun shot a +few advancing rays upward,--suddenly the door of the temple was +thrown open, and a long procession of priests carrying flaming +tapers and attended by boys in white garments and crowned with +flowers made their slow and stately way towards the column with the +god-like Head upon it and began to circle round it, chanting as they +walked, while the flower-crowned boys swung golden censers to and +fro, impregnating the air with rich perfume. The people all knelt-- +and still the priests paced round and round, chanting and murmuring +prayers,--till at last the great sun lifted the edge of its glowing +disc above the horizon, and its rays springing from the east like +golden arrows, struck the brow of the Head set on its basalt +pedestal. With the sudden glitter of this morning glory the chanting +ceased,--the procession stopped; and one priest, tall and commanding +of aspect, stepped forth from the rest, holding up his hands to +enjoin silence. And then the Head quivered as with life,--its lips +moved--there was a rippling sound like the chord of a harp smitten +by the wind,--and a voice, full, sweet and resonant, spoke aloud the +words:-- + +"I face the Sunrise!" + +With a shout of joy priests and people responded: + +"We face the Sunrise!" + +And he who seemed the highest in authority, raising his arms +invokingly towards heaven, exclaimed: + +"Even so, O Mightiest among the Mighty, let us ever remember that +Thy Shadow is but part of Thy Light,--that Sorrow is but the passing +humour of Joy--and that Death is but the night which dawns again +into Life! We face the Sunrise!" + +Then all who were assembled joined in singing a strange half- +barbaric song and chorus of triumph, to the strains of which they +slowly moved off and disappeared like shapes breathed on a mirror +and melting away. Only the tall high priest remained,--and he stood +alone, waiting, as it were, for something eagerly expected and +desired. And presently the woman who had till now remained hidden +among the shadows of the surrounding trees, came swiftly forward. +She was very pale--her eyes shone with tears--and again I saw MY OWN +FACE IN HERS. The priest turned quickly to greet her, and I +distinctly heard every word he spoke as he caught her hands in his +own and drew her towards him. + +"Everything in this world and the next I will resign," he said--"for +love of thee! Honour, dignity and this poor earth's renown I lay at +thy feet, thou most beloved of women! What other thing created or +imagined can be compared to the joy of thee?--to the sweetness of +thy lips, the softness of thy bosom--the love that trembles into +confession with thy smile! Imprison me but in thine arms and I will +count my very soul well lost for an hour of love with thee! Ah, deny +me not!--turn me not away from thee again!--love comes but once in +life--such love as ours!--early or late, but once!" + +She looked at him with tender passion and pity--a look in which I +thankfully saw there was no trace of pride, resentment or affected +injury. + +"Oh, my beloved!" she answered, and her voice, plaintive and sweet, +thrilled on the silence like a sob of pain--"Why wilt thou rush on +destruction for so poor a thing as I am? Knowest thou not, and wilt +thou not remember that, to a priest of thy great Order, the love of +woman is forbidden, and the punishment thereof is death? Already the +people view thee with suspicion and me with scorn--forbear, O +dearest, bravest soul!--be strong!" + +"Strong?" he echoed--"Is it not strong to love?--ay, the very best +of strength! For what avails the power of man if he may not bend a +woman to his will? Child, wherever love is there can be no death, +but only life! Love is as the ever-flowing torrent of eternity in my +veins--the pulse of everlasting youth and victory! What are the +foolish creeds of man compared with this one Truth of Nature--Love! +Is not the Deity Himself the Supreme Lover?--and wouldst thou have +me a castaway from His holiest ordinance? Ah no!--come to me, my +beloved!--soul of my soul--inmost core of my heart! Come to me in +the silence when no one sees and no one hears--come when--" + +He broke off, checked by her sudden smile and look of rapture. Some +thought had evidently, like a ray of light, cleared her doubts away. + +"So be it!" she said--"I give thee all myself from henceforth!--I +will come!" + +He uttered an exclamation of relief and joy, and drew her closer, +till her head rested on his breast and her loosened hair fell in a +shower across his arms. + +"At last!" he murmured--"At last! Mine--all mine this tender soul, +this passionate heart!--mine this exquisite life to do with as I +will! O crown of my best manhood!--when wilt thou come to me?" + +She answered at once without hesitation. + +"To-night!" she said--"To-night, when the moon rises, meet me here +in this very place,--this sacred grove where Memnon hears thy vows +to him broken, and my vows consecrated to thee!--and as I live I +swear I will be all thine! But now--leave me to pray!" + +She lifted her head and looked into his adoring eyes,--then kissed +him with a strange, grave tenderness as though bidding him farewell, +and with a gentle gesture motioned him away. Elated and flushed with +joy, he obeyed her sign, and left her, disappearing in the same +phantom-like way in which all the other figures in this weird dream- +drama had made their exit. She watched him go with a wistful +yearning gaze--then in apparent utter desperation she threw herself +on her knees before the impassive Head on its rocky pedestal and +prayed aloud: + +"O hidden and unknown God whom we poor earthly creatures symbolise!- +-give me the strength to love unselfishly--the patience to endure +uncomplainingly! Thou, Heart of Stone, temper with thy coldest +wisdom my poor throbbing heart of flesh! Help me to quell the +tempest in my soul, and let me be even as thou art--inflexible, +immovable,--save when the sun strikes music from thy dreaming brows +and tells thee it is day! Forgive, O great God, forgive the fault of +my beloved!--a fault which is not his, but mine, merely because I +live and he hath found me fair,--let all be well for him,--but for +me let nothing evermore be either well or ill--and teach me--even +me--to face the Sunrise!" + +Her voice ceased--a mist came before me for a moment--and when this +cleared, the same scene was presented to me under the glimmer of a +ghostly moon. And she who looked so like myself, lay dead at the +foot of the great Statue, her hands clasped on her breast, her eyes +closed, her mouth smiling as in sleep, while beside her raved and +wept her priestly lover, invoking her by every tender name, clasping +her lifeless body in his arms, covering her face with useless +passionate kisses, and calling her back with wild grief from the +silence into which her soul had fled. And I knew then that she had +put all thought of self aside in a sense of devotion to duty,--she +had chosen what she imagined to be the only way out of difficulty,-- +to save the honour of her lover she had slain herself. But--was it +wise? Or foolish? This thought pressed itself insistently home to my +mind. She had given her life to serve a mistaken creed,--she had +bowed to the conventions of a temporary code of human law--yet-- +surely God was above all strange and unnatural systems built up by +man for his own immediate convenience, vanity or advantage, and was +not Love the nearest thing to God? And if those two souls were +destined lovers, COULD they be divided, even by their own rashness? +These questions were curiously urged upon my inward consciousness as +I looked again upon the poor fragile corpse among the reeds and +palms of the sluggishly flowing river, and heard the clamorous +despair of the man to whom she might have been joy, inspiration and +victory had not the world been then as it is not now--the man, who +as the light of the moonbeams fell upon him, showed me in his +haggard and miserable features the spectral likeness of Santoris. +Was it right, I asked myself, that the two perfect lines of a mutual +love should be swept asunder?--or if it was, as some might conceive +it, right according to certain temporary and conventional views of +'rightness.' was it POSSIBLE to so sever them? Would it not be well +if we all occasionally remembered that there is an eternal law of +harmony between souls as between spheres?--and that if we ourselves +bring about a divergence we also bring about discord? And again,-- +that if discord results by our inter-meddling, it is AGAINST THE +LAW, and must by the working of natural forces be resolved into +concord again, whether such resolvance take ten, a hundred, a +thousand or ten thousand years? Of what use, then, is the struggle +we are for ever making in our narrow and limited daily lives to +resist the wise and holy teaching of Nature? Is it not best to yield +to the insistence of the music of life while it sounds in our ears? +For everything must come round to Nature's way in the end--her way +being God's way, and God's way the only way! So I thought, as in +half-dreaming fashion I watched the vision of the dead woman and her +despairing lover fade into the impenetrable shadows of mystery +veiling the record of the light beyond. + + * * * + * * + * + +Presently I became conscious of a deep murmuring sound tike the +subdued hum of many thousands of voices,--and lifting my eyes I saw +the wide circular sweep of a vast arena crowded with people. In the +centre, and well to the front of the uplifted tiers of seats, there +was a gorgeous pavilion of gold, draped with gaudy coloured silk and +hung with festoons of roses, wherein sat a heavily-built, brutish- +looking man royally robed and crowned, and wearing jewels In such +profusion as to seem literally clothed in flashing points of light. +Beautiful women were gathered round him,--boys with musical +instruments crouched at his feet--attendants stood on every hand to +minister to his slightest call or signal,--and all eyes were fixed +upon him as upon some worshipped god of a nation's idolatry. I felt +and knew that I was looking upon the 'shadow-presentment' of the +Roman tyrant Nero; and I wondered vaguely how it chanced that he, in +all the splendour of his wild and terrible career of wickedness, +should be brought into this phantasmagoria of dream in which I and +One Other alone seemed to be chiefly concerned. There were strange +noises in my ears,--the loud din of trumpets--the softer sound of +harps played enchantingly in some far-off distance--the ever- +increasing loud buzzing of the voices of the multitude--and then all +at once the roar as of angry wild beasts in impatience or pain. The +time of this vision seemed to be late afternoon--I thought I could +see a line of deep rose colour in a sky where the sun had lately +set--the flare of torches glimmered all round the arena and beyond +it, striking vivid brilliancy from the jewels on Nero's breast and +throwing into strong relief the groups of soldiers and people +immediately around him. I perceived now that the centre of the +arena, previously empty, had become the one spot on which the looks +of the people began to turn--one woman stood there all alone, clad +in white, her arms crossed on her breast. So still was she,--so +apparently unconscious of her position, that the mob, ever irritated +by calmness, grew suddenly furious, and a fierce cry arose:--"Ad +leones! Ad leones!" The great Emperor stirred from his indolent, +half-reclining position and leaned forward with a sudden look of +interest on his lowering features,--and as he did so a man attired +in the costume of a gladiator entered the arena from one of its side +doors and with a calm step and assured demeanour walked up to the +front of the royal dais and there dropped on one knee. Then quickly +rising he drew himself erect and waited, his eyes fixed on the woman +who stood as immovably as a statue, apparently resigned to some +untoward fate. And again the vast crowd shouted "Ad leones! Ad +leones!" There came a heavy grating noise of drawn bolts and bars-- +the sound of falling chains--then a savage animal roar--and two lean +and ferocious lions sprang into the arena, lashing their tails, +their manes bristling and their eyes aglare. Quick as thought, the +gladiator stood in their path--and I swiftly recognised the nature +of the 'sport' that had brought the Emperor and all this brave and +glittering show of humanity out to watch what to them was merely a +'sensation'--the life of a Christian dashed out by the claws and +fangs of wild beasts--a common pastime, all unchecked by either the +mercy of man or the intervention of God! I understood as clearly as +if the explanation had been volunteered to me in so many words, that +the woman who awaited her death so immovably had only one chance of +rescue, and that chance was through the gladiator, who, to please +the humour of the Emperor, had been brought hither to combat and +frighten them off their intended victim,--the reward for him, if he +succeeded, being the woman herself. I gazed with aching, straining +eyes on the wonderful dream-spectacle, and my heart thrilled as I +saw one of the lions stealthily approach the solitary martyr and +prepare to spring. Like lightning, the gladiator was upon the +famished brute, fighting it back in a fierce and horrible contest, +while the second lion, pouncing forward and bent on a similar +attack, was similarly repulsed. The battle between man and beasts +was furious, prolonged and terrible to witness--and the excitement +became intense. "Ad leones! Ad leones!" was now the universal wild +shout, rising ever louder and louder into an almost frantic clamour. +The woman meanwhile never stirred from her place--she might have +been frozen to the ground where she stood. She appeared to notice +neither the lions who were ready to devour her, nor the gladiator +who combated them in her defence--and I studied her strangely +impassive figure with keen interest, waiting to see her face,--for I +instinctively felt I should recognise it. Presently, as though in +response to my thought, she turned towards me,--and as in a mirror I +saw MY OWN REFLECTED PERSONALITY again as I had seen it so many +times in this chain of strange episodes with which I was so +singularly concerned though still an outside spectator. Between her +Shadow-figure and what I felt of my own existing Self there seemed +to be a pale connecting line of light, and all my being thrilled +towards her with a curiously vague anxiety. A swirling mist came +before my eyes suddenly,--and when this cleared I saw that the +combat was over--the lions lay dead and weltering in their blood on +the trampled sand of the arena, and the victorious gladiator stood +near their prone bodies triumphant, amid the deafening cheers of the +crowd. Wreaths of flowers were tossed to him from the people, who +stood up in their seats all round the great circle to hail him with +their acclamations, and the Emperor, lifting his unwieldy body from +under his canopy of gold, stretched out his hand as a sign that the +prize which the dauntless combatant had fought to win was his. He at +once obeyed the signal;--but now the woman, hitherto so passive and +immovable, stirred. Fixing upon the gladiator a glance of the +deepest reproach and anguish, she raised her arms warningly as +though forbidding him to approach her--and then fell face forward on +the ground. He rushed to her side, and kneeling down sought to lift +her;--then suddenly he sprang erect with a loud cry:-- + +"Great Emperor! I asked of thee a living love!--and this is dead!" + +A ripple of laughter ran through the crowd. The Emperor leaned +forward from his throne and smiled. + +"Thank your Christian God for that!" he said--"Our pagan deities are +kinder! They give us love for love!" + +The gladiator gave a wild gesture of despair and turned his face +upward to the light--THE FACE OF SANTORIS! + +"Dead!--dead!"--he cried--"Of what use then is life? Dark are the +beloved eyes!--cold is the generous heart!--the fight has been in +vain--my victory mocks me with its triumph! The world is empty!" + +Again the laughter of the populace stirred the air. + +"Go to, man!"--and the rough voice of Nero sounded harshly above the +murmurous din--"The world was never the worse for one woman the +less! Wouldst thou also be a Christian? Take heed! Our lions are +still hungry! Thy love is dead, 'tis true, but WE have not killed +her! She trusted in her God, and He has robbed thee of thy lawful +possession. Blame Him, not us! Go hence, with thy laurels bravely +won! Nero commends thy prowess!" + +He flung a purse of gold at the gladiator's feet--and then I saw the +whole scene melt away into a confused mass of light and colour till +all was merely a pearl-grey haze floating before my eyes. Yet I was +hardly allowed a moment's respite before another scene presented +itself like a painting upon the curtain of vapour which hung so +persistently in front of me--a scene which struck a closer chord +upon my memory than any I had yet beheld. + + * * * + * * + * + +The cool, spacious interior of a marble-pillared hall or studio +slowly disclosed itself to my view--it was open to an enchanting +vista of terraced gardens and dark undulating woods, and gay +parterres of brilliant blossom were spread in front of it like a +wonderfully patterned carpet of intricate and exquisite design. +Within it was all the picturesque grace and confusion of an artist's +surroundings; and at a great easel, working assiduously, was one who +seemed to be the artist himself, his face turned from me towards his +canvas. Posed before him, in an attitude of indolent grace, was a +woman, arrayed in clinging diaphanous drapery, a few priceless +jewels gleaming here and there like stars upon her bosom and arms-- +her hair, falling in loose waves from a band of pale blue velvet +fastened across it, was of a warm brown hue like an autumn leaf with +the sun upon it, and I could see that whatever she might be +according to the strictest canons of beauty, the man who was +painting her portrait considered her more than beautiful. I heard +his voice, in the low, murmurous yet perfectly distinct way in which +all sounds were conveyed to me in this dream pageant--it was exactly +as if persons on the stage were speaking to an audience. + +"If we could understand each other,"--he said--"I think all would be +well with us in time and eternity!" + +There was a pause. The picturesque scene before me seemed to glow +and gather intensity as I gazed. + +"If you could see what is in my heart,"--he continued--"you would be +satisfied that no greater love was ever given to woman than mine for +you! Yet I would not say I give it to you--for I have striven +against it." He paused--and when he spoke again his words were so +distinct that they seemed close to my ears. + +"It has been wrung out of my very blood and soul--I can no more +resist it than I can resist the force of the air by which I live and +breathe. I ought not to love you,--you are a joy forbidden to me-- +and yet I feel, rightly speaking, that you are already mine--that +you belong to me as the other half of myself, and that this has been +so from the beginning when God first ordained the mating of souls. I +tell you I FEEL this, but cannot explain it,--and I grasp at you as +my one hope of joy!--I cannot let you go!" + +She was silent, save for a deep sigh that stirred her bosom under +its folded lace and made her jewels sparkle like sunbeams on the +sea. + +"If I lose you now, having known and loved you," he went on--"I lose +my art. Not that this would matter--" + +Her voice trembled on the air. + +"It would matter a great deal"--she said, softly--"to the world!" + +"The world!" he echoed--"What need I care for it? Nothing seems of +value to me where you are not--I am nerveless, senseless, hopeless +without you. My inspiration--such as it is--comes from you--" + +She moved restlessly--her face was turned slightly away so that I +could not see it. + +"My inspiration comes from you,"--he repeated--"The tender look of +your eyes fills me with dreams which might--I do not say would-- +realise themselves in a life's renown--but all this is perhaps +nothing to you. What, after all, can I offer you? Nothing but love! +And here in Florence you could command more lovers than there are +days in the week, did you choose--but people say you are untouchable +by love even at its best. Now I--" + +Here he stopped abruptly and laid down his brush, looking full at +her. + +"I," he continued--"love you at neither best nor worst, but simply +and entirely with all of myself--all that a man can be in passionate +heart, soul and body!" + +(How the words rang out! I could have sworn they were spoken close +beside me and not by dream-voices in a dream!) + +"If you loved me--ah God!--what that would mean! If you dared to +brave everything--if you had the courage of love to break down all +barriers between yourself and me!--but you will not do this--the +sacrifice would be too great--too unusual--" + +"You think it would?" + +The question was scarcely breathed. A look of sudden amazement +lightened his face--then he replied, gently-- + +"I think it would! Women are impulsive,--generous to a fault--they +give what they afterwards regret--who can blame them! You have much +to lose by such a sacrifice as I should ask of you--I have all to +gain. I must not be selfish. But I love you!--and your love would be +to more than the hope of Heaven!" + +And now strange echoes of a modern poet's rhyme became mingled in my +dream: + + "You have chosen and clung to the chance they sent you-- + Life sweet as perfume and pure as prayer, + But will it not one day in heaven repent you? + Will they solace you wholly, the days that were? + Will you lift up your eyes between sadness and bliss, + Meet mine and see where the great love is? + And tremble and turn and be changed?--Content you; + The gate is strait; I shall not be there. + + Yet I know this well; were you once sealed mine, + Mine in the blood's beat, mine in the breath, + Mixed into me as honey in wine, + Not time that sayeth and gainsayeth, + Nor all strong things had severed us then, + Not wrath of gods nor wisdom of men, + Nor all things earthly nor all divine, + Nor joy nor sorrow, nor life nor death!" + +I watched with a deepening thrill of anxiety the scene in the +studio, and my thoughts centred themselves upon the woman who sat +there so quietly, seeming all unmoved by the knowledge that she held +a man's life and future fame in her hands. The artist took up his +palette and brushes again and began to work swiftly, his hand +trembling a little. + +"You have my whole confession now!"--he said--"You know that you are +the eyes of the world to me--the glory of the sun and the moon! All +my art is in your smile--all my life responds to your touch. Without +you I am--can be nothing--Cosmo de Medicis--" + +At this name a kind of shadow crept upon the scene, together with a +sense of cold. + +"Cosmo de Medicis"--he repeated, slowly--"my patron, would scarcely +thank me for the avowals I have made to his fair ward!--one whom he +intends to honour with his own alliance. I am here by his order to +paint the portrait of his future bride!--not to look at her with the +eyes of a lover. But the task is too difficult--" + +A little sound escaped her, like a smothered cry of pain. He turned +towards her. + +"Something in your face,"--he said--"a touch of longing in your +sweet eyes, has made me risk telling you all, so that you may at +least choose your own way of love and life--for there is no real +life without love." + +Suddenly she rose and confronted him--and once again, as in a magic +mirror, I saw MY OWN REFLECTED PERSONALITY. There were tears in her +eyes,--yet a smile quivered on her mouth. + +"My beloved!"--she said--and then paused, as if afraid. + +A look of wonder and rapture came on his face like the light of +sunrise, and I RECOGNISED THE NOW FAMILIAR FEATURES OF SANTORIS! +Very gently he laid down his palette and brushes and stood waiting +in a kind of half expectancy, half doubt. + +"My beloved!" she repeated--"Have you not seen?--do you not know? O +my genius!--my angel!--am I so hard to read?--so difficult to win?" + +Her voice broke in a sob--she made an uncertain step forward, and he +sprang to meet her. + +"I love you, love you!"--she cried, passionately--"Let the whole +world forsake me, if only you remain! I am all yours!--do with me as +you will!" + +He caught her in his arms--straining her to his heart with all the +passion of a long-denied lover's embrace--their lips met--and for a +brief space they were lost in that sudden and divine rapture that +comes but once in a lifetime,--when like a shivering sense of cold +the name again was whispered: + +"Cosmo de Medicis!" + +A shadow fell across the scene, and a woman, dark and heavy- +featured, stood like a blot in the sunlit brightness of the studio,- +-a woman very richly attired, who gazed fixedly at the lovers with +round, suspicious eyes and a sneering smile. The artist turned and +saw her--his face changed from joy to a pale anxiety--yet, holding +his love with one arm, he flung defiance at her with uplifted head +and fearless demeanour. + +"Spy!"--he exclaimed--"Do your worst! Let us have an end of your +serpent vigilance and perfidy!--better death than the constant sight +of you! What! Have you not watched us long enough to make discovery +easy? Do your worst, I say, and quickly!" + +The cruel smile deepened on the woman's mouth,--she made no answer, +but simply raised her hand. In immediate obedience to the signal, a +man, clad in the Florentine dress of the sixteenth century, and +wearing a singular collar of jewels, stepped out from behind a +curtain, attended by two other men, who, by their dress, were, or +seemed to be, of inferior rank. Without a word, these three threw +themselves upon the unarmed and defenceless painter with the fury of +wild animals pouncing on prey. There was a brief and breathless +struggle--three daggers gleamed in air--a shriek rang through the +stillness--another instant and the victim lay dead, stabbed to the +heart, while she who had just clung to his living body and felt the +warmth of his living lips against hers, dropped on her knees beside +the corpse with wild waitings of madness and despair. + +"Another crime on your soul, Cosmo de Medicis!"--she cried--"Another +murder of a nobler life than your own!--may Heaven curse you for it! +But you have not parted my love from me--no!--you have but united us +for ever! We escape you and your spies--thus!" + +And snatching a dagger from the hand of one of the assassins before +he could prevent her, she plunged it into her own breast. She fell +without a groan, self-slain,--and I saw, as in a mist of breath on a +mirror, the sudden horror on the faces of the men and the one woman +who were left to contemplate the ghastly deed they had committed. +And then--noting as in some old blurred picture the features of the +man who wore the collar of jewels, I felt that I knew him--yet I +could not place him in any corner of my immediate recognition. +Gradually this strange scene of cool white marble vastness with its +brilliant vista of flowers and foliage under the bright Italian sky, +and the betrayed lovers lying dead beside each other in the presence +of their murderers, passed away like a floating cloud,--and the same +slow, calm Voice I had heard once before now spoke again in sad, +stern accents: + +"Jealousy is cruel as the grave!--the coals thereof are coals of +fire which hath a most vehement flame! Many waters cannot quench +love, neither can the floods drown it--if a man would give all his +substance for love it would be utterly contemned!" + + * * * + * * + * + +I closed my eyes,--or thought I closed them--a vague terror was +growing upon me,--a terror of myself and a still greater terror of +the man beside me who held my hand,--yet something prevented me from +turning my head to look at him, and another still stronger emotion +possessed me with a force so overpowering that I could hardly +breathe under the weight and pain of it, but I could give it no +name. I could not think at all--and I had ceased even to wonder at +the strangeness and variety of these visions or dream-episodes full +of colour and sound which succeeded each other so swiftly. Therefore +it hardly seemed remarkable to me when I saw the heavy curtain of +mist which hung in front of my eyes suddenly reft asunder in many +places and broken into a semblance of the sea. + + * * * + * * + * + +A wild sea! Gloomily grey and grand in its onsweeping wrath, its +huge billows rose and fell like moving mountains convulsed by an +earthquake,--light and shadow combated against each other in its +dark abysmal depths and among its toppling crests of foam--I could +hear the savage hiss and boom of breakers dashing themselves to +pieces on some unseen rocky coast far away,--and my heart grew cold +with dread as I beheld a ship in full sail struggling against the +heavy onslaught of the wind on that heaving wilderness of waters, +like a mere feather lost from a sea-gull's wing. Flying along like a +hunted creature she staggered and plunged, her bowsprit dipping into +deep chasms from which she was tossed shudderingly upward again as +in light contempt, and as she came nearer and nearer into my view I +could discern some of the human beings on board--the man at the +wheel, with keen eyes peering into the gathering gloom of the storm, +his hair and face dashed with spray,--the sailors, fighting hard to +save the rigging from being torn to pieces and flung into the sea,-- +then--a sudden huge wave swept her directly in front of me, and I +saw the two distinct personalities that had been so constantly +presented to me during this strange experience,--THE MAN WITH THE +FACE OF SANTORIS--THE WOMAN WITH MY OWN FACE SO TRULY REFLECTED that +I might have been looking at myself in a mirror. And just now the +resemblance to us both was made more close and striking than it had +been in any of the previous visions--that is to say, the likenesses +of ourselves were given almost as we now existed. The man held the +woman beside him closely clasped with one arm, supporting her and +himself, with the other thrown round one of the shaking masts. I saw +her look up to him with the light of a great and passionate love in +her eyes. And I heard him say:-- + +"The end of sorrow and the beginning of joy! You are not afraid?" + +"Afraid?" And her voice had no tremor--"With you?" + +He caught her closer to his heart and kissed her not once but many +times in a kind of mingled rapture and despair. + +"This is death, my beloved!"--he said. + +And her answer pealed out with tender certainty. "No!--not death, +but life!--and love!" + +A cry went up from the sailors--a cry of heartrending agony,--a mass +of enormous billows rolling steadily on together hurled themselves +like giant assassins upon the frail and helpless vessel and engulfed +it--it disappeared with awful swiftness, like a small blot on the +ocean sucked down into the whirl of water--the vast and solemn +greyness of the sea spread over it like a pall--it was a nothing, +gone into nothingness! I watched one giant wave rise in a +crystalline glitter of dark sapphire and curl over the spot where +all that human life and human love had disappeared,--and then--there +came upon my soul a sudden sense of intense calm. The great sea +smoothed itself out before my eyes into fine ripples which dispersed +gradually into mist again--and almost I found my voice--almost my +lips opened to ask: "What means this vision of the sea?" when a +sound of music checked me on the verge of utterance--the music of +delicate strings as of a thousand harps in heaven. I listened with +every sense caught and entranced--my gaze still fixed half +unseeingly upon the heavy grey film which hung before me--that +mystic sky-canvas upon which some Divine painter had depicted in +life-like form and colour scenes which I, in a sort of dim +strangeness, recognised yet could not understand--and as I looked a +rainbow, with every hue intensified to such a burning depth of +brilliancy that its light was almost intolerably dazzling, sprang in +a perfect arch across the cloud! I uttered an involuntary cry of +rapture--for it was like no earthly rainbow I had ever seen. Its +palpitating radiance seemed to penetrate into the very core and +centre of space,--aerially delicate yet deep, each separate colour +glowed with the fervent splendour of a heaven undreamed of by mere +mortality and too glorious for mortal description. It was the +shining repentance of the storm,--the assurance of joy after sorrow- +-the passionate love of the soul rising upwards in perfect form and +beauty after long imprisonment in ice-bound depths of repression and +solitude--it was anything and everything that could be thought or +imagined of divinest promise! + +My heart beat quickly--tears sprang to my eyes--and almost +unconsciously I pressed the kind, strong hand that held mine. It +trembled ever so slightly--but I was too absorbed in watching that +triumphal arch across the sky to heed the movement. By degrees the +lustrous hues began to pale very slowly, and almost imperceptibly +they grew fainter and fainter till at last all was misty grey as +before, save in one place where there were long rays of light like +the falling of silvery rain. And then came strange rapidly passing +scenes as of cloud forms constantly shifting and changing, in all of +which I discerned the same two personalities so like and yet so +unlike ourselves who were the dumb witnesses of every episode,--but +everything now passed in absolute silence--there was no mysterious +music,--the voices had ceased--all was mute. + +Suddenly there came a change over the face of what I thought the +sky--the clouds were torn asunder as it were to show a breadth of +burning amber and rose, and I beheld the semblance of a great closed +Gateway barred across as with gold. Here a figure slowly shaped +itself,--the figure of a woman who knelt against the closed barrier +with hands clasped and uplifted in pitiful beseeching. So strangely +desolate and solitary was her aspect in all that heavenly brilliancy +that I could almost have wept for her, shut out as she seemed from +some mystic unknown glory. Round her swept the great circle of the +heavens--beneath her and above her were the deserts of infinite +space--and she, a fragile soul rendered immortal by quenchless fires +of love and hope and memory, hovered between the deeps of +immeasurable vastness like a fluttering leaf or flake of snow! My +heart ached for her--my lips moved unconsciously in prayer: + +"O leave her not always exiled and alone!" I murmured, inwardly-- +"Dear God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let her in! She has waited +so long!" + +The hand holding mine strengthened its clasp,--and the warm, close +pressure sent a thrill through my veins. Almost I would have turned +to look at my companion--had I not suddenly seen the closed gateway +in the heavens begin to open slowly, allowing a flood of golden +radiance to pour out like the steady flowing of a broad stream. The +kneeling woman's figure remained plainly discernible, but seemed to +be gradually melting into the light which surrounded it. And then-- +something--I know not what--shook me down from the pinnacle of +vision,--hardly aware of my own action, I withdrew my hand from my +companion's, and saw--just the solemn grandeur of Loch Coruisk, with +a deep amber glow streaming over the summit of the mountains, flung +upward by the setting sun! Nothing more!--I heaved an involuntary +sigh--and at last, with some little hesitation and dread, looked +full at Santoris. His eyes met mine steadfastly--he was very pale. +So we faced each other for a moment--then he said, quietly:-- + +"How quickly the time has passed! This is the best moment of the +sunset,--when that glory fades we shall have seen all!" + + + + +IX + +DOUBTFUL DESTINY + + +His voice was calm and conventional, yet I thought I detected a +thrill of sadness in it which touched me to a kind of inexplicable +remorse, and I turned to him quickly, hardly conscious of the words +I uttered. + +"Must the glory fade?"--I said, almost pleadingly--"Why should it +not remain with us?" + +He did not reply at once. A shadow of something like sternness +clouded his brows, and I began to be afraid--yet afraid of what? Not +of him--but of myself, lest I should unwittingly lose all I had +gained. But then the question presented itself--What had I gained? +Could I explain it, even to myself? There was nothing in any way +tangible of which to say--"I possess this," or "I have secured +that,"--for, reducing all circumstances to a prosaic level, all that +I knew was that I had met in my present companion a man who had a +singular, almost compelling attractiveness, and with whose +personality I seemed to be familiar; also, that under some power +which he might possibly have exerted, I had in an unexpected place +and at an unexpected time seen certain visions or 'impressions' +which might or might not be the working of my own brain under a +temporary magnetic influence. I was fully aware that such things +could happen--and yet--I was not by any means sure that they had so +happened in this case. And while I was thus hurriedly trying to +think out the problem, he replied to my question. + +"That depends on ourselves,"--he said--"On you perhaps more than any +other." + +I looked up at him wonderingly. + +"On me?" I echoed. + +He smiled a little. + +"Why, yes! A woman always decides." + +I turned my eyes again towards the sky. Long lines of delicate pale +blue and green were now intermingled with the amber light of the +after-glow, and the whole scene was one of indescribable grandeur +and beauty. + +"I wish I could understand,"--I murmured. + +"Let me help you,"--he said, gently. "Possibly I can make things +clearer for you. You are just now under the spell of your own +psychic impressions and memories. You think you have seen strange +episodes--these are nothing but pictures stored far away back in the +cells of your spiritual brain, which (through the medium of your +present material brain) project on your vision not only presentments +and reflections of past scenes and events, but which also reproduce +the very words and sounds attending those scenes and events. That is +all. Loch Coruisk has shown you nothing but itself in varying +effects of light and cloud--there is no mystery here but the +everlasting mystery of Nature in which you and I play our several +parts. What you have seen or heard I do not know--for each +individual experience is and always must be different. All that I am +fully conscious of is, that our having met and our being here +together to-day is, as it were, the mending of a broken chain. But +it rests with you--and even with me--to break it once more if we +choose." + +I was silent, not because I could not but because I dared not speak. +All my life seemed suddenly to hang on the point of a hair's-breadth +of possibility. + +"I think,"--he continued in the same quiet voice--"that just now we +may let things take their ordinary course. You and I"--here he +paused, and impelled by some secret emotion I lifted my eyes to his. +Instinctively, and with a rush of feeling, we stretched out our +hands to each other. He clasped mine in his own, and stooping his +head kissed them tenderly. "You and I,"--he went on--"have met +before in many a phase of life and on many a plane of thought--and I +believe we know and realise this. Let us be satisfied so far--and if +destiny has anything of happiness or wisdom in store for us let us +try to assist its fulfilment and not stand in the way." + +I found my voice suddenly. + +"But--if others stand in the way?"--I said. + +He smiled. + +"Surely it will be our own fault if we allow them to assume such a +position!" he answered. + +I left my hands in his another moment. The fact that he held them +gave me a sense of peace and security. + +"Sometimes on a long walk through field and forest," I said, softly- +-"one may miss the nearest road home. And one is glad to be told +which path to follow--" + +"Yes,"--he interrupted me--"One is glad to be told!" + +His eyes were bent upon me with an enigmatical expression, half +commanding, half appealing. + +"Then, will you tell me--" I began. + +"All that I can!" he said, drawing me a little closer towards him-- +"All that I may! And you--you must tell me--" + +"I! What can I tell you?" and I smiled--"I know nothing!" + +"You know one thing which is all things,"--he answered--"But for +that I must still wait." + +He let go my hands and turned away, shading his eyes from the glare +of gold which now spread far and wide over the heavens, turning the +sullen waters of Loch Coruisk to a tawny orange against the black +purple of the surrounding hills. + +"I see our men,"--he then said, in his ordinary tone, "They are +looking for us. We must be going." + +My heart beat quickly. A longing to speak what I hardly dared to +think, was strong upon me. But some inward restraint gripped me as +with iron--and my spirit beat itself like a caged bird against its +prison bars in vain. I left my rocky throne and heather canopy with +slow reluctance, and he saw this. + +"You are sorry to come away,"--he said, kindly, and with a smile--"I +can quite understand it. It is a beautiful scene." + +I stood quite still, looking at him. A host of recollections began +to crowd upon me, threatening havoc to my self-control. + +"Is it not something more than beautiful?" I asked, and my voice +trembled in spite of myself--"To you as well as to me?" + +He met my earnest gaze with a sudden deeper light in his own eyes. + +"Dear, to me it is the beginning of a new life!"--he said--"But +whether it is the same to you I cannot say. I have not the right to +think so far. Come!" + +A choking sense of tears was in my throat as I moved on by his side. +Why could I not speak frankly and tell him that I knew as well as he +did that now there was no life anywhere for me where he was not? +But--had it come to this? Yes, truly!--it had come to this! Then was +it a real love that I felt, or merely a blind obedience to some +hypnotic influence? The doubt suggested itself like a whisper from +some evil spirit, and I strove not to listen. Presently he took my +hand in his as before, and guided me carefully over the slippery +boulders and stones, wet with the overflowing of the mountain +torrent and the underlying morass which warned us of its vicinity by +the quantity of bog-myrtle growing in profusion everywhere. Almost +in silence we reached the shore where the launch was in waiting for +us, and in silence we sat together in the stern as the boat cut its +swift way through little waves like molten gold and opal, sparkling +with the iridescent reflections of the sun's after-glow. + +"I see Mr. Harland's yacht has returned to her moorings,"--he said, +after a while, addressing his men, "When did she come back?" + +"Immediately after you left, sir,"--was the reply. + +I looked and saw the two yachts--the 'Dream' and the 'Diana,' +anchored in the widest part of Loch Scavaig--the one with the +disfiguring funnels that make even the most magnificent steam yacht +unsightly as compared with a sailing vessel,--the other a perfect +picture of lightness and grace, resting like a bird with folded +wings on the glittering surface of the water. My mind was disturbed +and bewildered,--I felt that I had journeyed through immense +distances of space and cycles of time during that brief excursion to +Loch Coruisk,--and as the launch rushed onward and we lost sight of +the entrance to what for me had been a veritable Valley of Vision, +it seemed that I had lived through centuries rather than hours. One +thing, however, remained positive and real in my experience, and +this was the personality of Santoris. With each moment that passed I +knew it better--the flash of his blue eyes--his sudden fleeting +smile--the turn of his head--the very gesture of his hand,--all +these were as familiar to me as the reflection of my own face in a +mirror. And now there was no wonderment mingled with the deepening +recognition,--I found it quite natural that I should know him well,- +-indeed, it was to me evident that I had known him always. What +troubled me, however, was a subtle fear that crept insidiously +through my veins like a shuddering cold,--a terror lest something to +which I could give no name, should separate us or cause us to +misunderstand each other. For the psychic lines of attraction +between two human beings are finer than the finest gossamer and can +be easily broken and scattered even though they may or must be +brought together again after long lapses of time. But so many +opportunities had already been wasted, I thought, through some +recklessness or folly, either on his part or mine. Which of us was +to blame? I looked at him half in fear, half in appeal, as he sat in +the boat with his head turned a little aside from me,--he seemed +grave and preoccupied. A sudden thrill of emotion stirred my heart-- +tears sprang to my eyes so thickly that for a moment I could +scarcely see the waves that glittered and danced on all sides like +millions of diamonds. A change had swept over my life,--a change so +great that I was hardly able to bear it. It was too swift, too +overpowering to be calmly considered, and I was glad when we came +alongside the 'Dream' and I saw Mr. Harland on deck, waiting for us +at the top of the companion ladder. + +"Well!" he called to me--"Was it a good sunset?" + +"Glorious!" I answered him--"Did you see nothing of it?" + +"No. I slept soundly, and only woke up when Brayle came over to +explain that Catherine had taken it into her head to have a short +cruise, that he had humoured her accordingly, and that they had just +come back to anchorage." + +By this time I was standing beside him, and Santoris joined us. + +"So your doctor came to look after you,"--he said, with a smile--"I +thought he would not trust you out of his sight too long!" + +"What do you mean by that?" asked Harland--then his face lightened +and he laughed--"Well, I must own you have been a better physician +than he for the moment--it is months since I have been so free from +pain." + +"I'm very glad,"--Santoris answered--"And now would you and your +friend like to take the launch back to your own yacht, or will you +stay and dine with me?" + +Mr. Harland thought a moment. + +"I'm afraid we must go"--he said, at last, with obvious reluctance-- +"Captain Derrick went back with Brayle. You see, Catherine is not +strong, and she has not been quite herself--and we must not leave +her alone. To-morrow, if you are willing, I should like to try a +race with our two yachts in open sea--electricity against steam! +What do you say?" + +"With pleasure!" and Santoris looked amused--"But as I am sure to be +the winner, you must give me the privilege of entertaining you all +to dinner afterwards. Is that settled?" "Certainly!--you are +hospitality itself, Santoris!" and Mr. Harland shook him warmly by +the hand--"What time shall we start the race?" + +"Suppose we say noon?" + +"Agreed!" + +We then prepared to go. I turned to Santoris and in a quiet voice +thanked him for his kindness in escorting me to Loch Coruisk, and +for the pleasant afternoon we had passed. The conventional words of +common courtesy seemed to myself quite absurd,--however, they had to +be uttered, and he accepted them with the usual conventional +acknowledgment. When I was just about to descend the companion +ladder, he asked me to wait a moment, and going down to the saloon, +brought me the bunch of Madonna lilies I had found in that special +cabin which, as he had said, was destined 'for a princess.' + +"You will take these, I hope?" he said, simply. + +I raised my eyes to his as I received the white blossoms from his +hand. There was something indefinable and fleeting in his +expression, and for a moment it seemed as if we had suddenly become +strangers. A sense of loss and pain affected me, such as happens +when someone to whom we are deeply attached assumes a cold and +distant air for which we can render no explanation. He turned from +me as quickly as I from him, and I descended the companion ladder +followed by Mr. Harland. In a few seconds we had put several boat- +lengths between ourselves and the 'Dream,' and a rush of foolish +tears to my eyes blurred the figure of Santoris as he lifted his cap +to us in courteous adieu. I thought Mr. Harland glanced at me a +little inquisitively, but he said nothing--and we were soon on board +the 'Diana,' where Catherine, stretched out in a deck chair, watched +our arrival with but languid interest. Dr. Brayle was beside her, +and looked up as we drew near with a supercilious smile. + +"So the electric man has not quite made away with you,"--he said, +carelessly--"Miss Harland and I had our doubts as to whether we +should ever see you again!" + +Mr. Harland's fuzzy eyebrows drew together in a marked frown of +displeasure. + +"Indeed!" he ejaculated, drily--"Well, you need have had no fears on +that score. The 'electric man,' as you call Mr. Santoris, is an +excellent host and has no sinister designs on his friends." + +"Are you quite sure of that?" and Brayle, with an elaborate show of +courtesy, set chairs for his patron and for me near Catherine-- +"Derrick tells me that the electric appliances on board his yacht +are to him of a terrifying character and that he would not risk +passing so much as one night on such a vessel!" + +Mr. Harland laughed. + +"I must talk to Derrick,"--he said--then, approaching his daughter, +he asked her kindly if she was better. She replied in the +affirmative, but with some little pettishness. + +"My nerves are all unstrung,"--she said--"I think that friend of +yours is one of those persons who draw all vitality out of everybody +else. There are such people, you know, father!--people who, when +they are getting old and feeble, go about taking stores of fresh +life out of others." + +He looked amused. + +"You are full of fancies, Catherine,"--he said--"And no logical +reasoning will ever argue you out of them. Santoris is all right. +For one thing, he gave me great relief from pain to-day." + +"Ah! How was that?"--and Brayle looked up sharply with sudden +interest. + +"I don't know how,"--replied Harland,--"A drop or two of harmless- +looking fluid worked wonders for me--and in a few moments I felt +almost well. He tells me my illness is not incurable." + +A curious expression difficult to define flitted over Brayle's face. + +"You had better take care," he said, curtly--"Invalids should never +try experiments. I'm surprised that a man in your condition should +take any drug from the hand of a stranger." + +"Most dangerous!" interpolated Catherine, feebly--"How could you, +father?" + +"Well, Santoris isn't quite a stranger,"--said Mr. Harland--"After +all, I knew him at college--" + +"You think you knew him,"--put in Brayle--"He may not be the same +man." + +"He is the same man,"--answered Mr. Harland, rather testily--"There +are no two of his kind in the world." + +Brayle lifted his eyebrows with a mildly affected air of surprise. + +"I thought you had your doubts--" + +"Of course!--I had and have my doubts concerning everybody and +everything"--said Mr. Harland, "And I suppose I shall have them to +the end of my days. I have sometimes doubted even your good +intentions towards me." + +A dark flush overspread Brayle's face suddenly, and as suddenly +paled. He laughed a little forcedly. + +"I hardly think you have any reason to do so," he said. + +Mr. Harland did not answer, but turning round, addressed me. + +"You enjoyed yourself at Loch Coruisk, didn't you?" + +"Indeed I did!" I replied, with emphasis--"It was a lovely scene!-- +never to be forgotten," + +"You and Mr. Santoris would be sure to get on well together," said +Catherine, rather crossly--"'Birds of a feather,' you know!" + +I smiled. I was too much taken up with my own thoughts to pay +attention to her evident ill-humour. I was aware that Dr. Brayle +watched me furtively, and with a suspicious air, and there was a +curious feeling of constraint in the atmosphere that made me feel I +had somehow displeased my hostess, but the matter seemed to me too +trifling to consider, and as soon as the conversation became general +I took the opportunity to slip away and get down to my cabin, where +I locked the door and gave myself up to the freedom of my own +meditations. They were at first bewildered and chaotic--but +gradually my mind smoothed itself out like the sea I had looked upon +in my vision,--and I began to arrange and connect the various +incidents of my strange experience in a more or less coherent form. +According to psychic consciousness I knew what they all meant,--but +according to merely material and earthly reasoning they were utterly +incomprehensible. If I listened to the explanation offered by my +inner self, it was this:--That Rafel Santoris and I had known each +other for ages,--longer than we were permitted to remember,--that +the brain-pictures, or rather soul-pictures, presented to me were +only a few selected out of thousands which equally concerned us, and +which were stored up among eternal records,--and that these few were +only recalled to remind me of circumstances which I might +erroneously think were all entirely forgotten. If, on the other +hand, I preferred to accept what would be called a reasonable and +practical solution of the enigma, I would say:--That, being +imaginative and sensitive, I had been easily hypnotised by a +stronger will than my own, and that for his amusement, or because he +had seen in me the possibility of a 'test case,' Santoris had tried +his power upon me and forced me to see whatever he chose to conjure +up in order to bewilder and perplex me. But if this were so, what +could be his object? If I were indeed an utter stranger to him, why +should he take this trouble? I found myself harassed by anxiety and +dragged between two opposing influences--one which impelled me to +yield myself to the deep sense of exquisite happiness, peace and +consolation that swept over my spirit like the touch of a veritable +benediction from heaven,--the other which pushed me back against a +hard wall of impregnable fact and bade me suspect my dawning joy as +though it were a foe. + +That night we were a curious party at dinner. Never were five human +beings more oddly brought into contact and conversation with each +other. We were absolutely opposed at all points; in thought, in +feeling and in sentiment, I could not help remembering the wonderful +network of shining lines I had seen in that first dream of mine,-- +lines which were apparently mathematically designed to meet in +reciprocal unity. The lines on this occasion between us five human +beings were an almost visible tangle. I found my best refuge in +silence,--and I listened in vague wonderment to the flow of +senseless small talk poured out by Dr. Brayle, apparently for the +amusement of Catherine, who on her part seemed suddenly possessed by +a spirit of wilfulness and enforced gaiety which moved her to utter +a great many foolish things, things which she evidently imagined +were clever. There is nothing perhaps more embarrassing than to hear +a woman of mature years giving herself away by the childish +vapidness of her talk, and exhibiting not only a lack of mental +poise, but also utter tactlessness. However, Catherine rattled on, +and Dr. Brayle rattled with her,--Mr. Harland threw in occasional +monosyllables, but for the most part was evidently caught in a kind +of dusty spider's web of thought, and I spoke not at all unless +spoken to. Presently I met Catherine's eyes fixed upon me with a +sort of round, half-malicious curiosity. + +"I think your day's outing has done you good," she said--"You look +wonderfully well!" + +"I AM well!" I answered her--"I have been well all the time." + +"Yes, but you haven't looked as you look to-night," she said--"You +have quite a transformed air!" + +"Transformed?"--I echoed, smiling--"In what way?" + +Mr. Harland turned and surveyed me critically. + +"Upon my word, I think Catherine is right!" he said--"There is +something different about you, though I cannot explain what it is!" + +I felt the colour rising hotly to my face, but I endeavoured to +appear unconcerned. + +"You look," said Dr. Brayle, with a quick glance from his narrowly +set eyes--"as if you had been through a happy experience." + +"Perhaps I have!" I answered quietly--"It has certainly been a very +happy day!" "What is your opinion of Santoris?" asked Mr. Harland, +suddenly--"You've spent a couple of hours alone in his company,--you +must have formed some idea." + +I replied at once, without taking thought. + +"I think him quite an exceptional man," I said--"Good and great- +hearted,--and I fancy he must have gone through much difficult +experience to make him what he is." + +"I entirely disagree with you,"--said Dr. Brayle, quickly--"I've +taken his measure, and I think it's a fairly correct one. I believe +him to be a very clever and subtle charlatan, who affects a certain +profound mysticism in order to give himself undue importance--" + +There was a sudden clash. Mr. Harland had brought his clenched fist +down upon the table with a force that made the glasses ring. + +"I won't have that, Brayle!" he said, sharply--"I tell you I won't +have it! Santoris is no charlatan--never was!--he won his honours at +Oxford like a man--his conduct all the time I ever knew him was +perfectly open and blameless--he did no mean tricks, and pandered to +nothing base--and if some of us fellows were frightened of him (as +we were) it was because he did everything better than we could do +it, and was superior to us all. That's the truth!--and there's no +getting over it. Nothing gives small minds a better handle for +hatred than superiority--especially when that superiority is never +asserted, but only felt." + +"You surprise me,"--murmured Brayle, half apologetically--"I +thought--" + +"Never mind what you thought!" said Mr. Harland, with a sudden ugly +irritation of manner that sometimes disfigured him--"Your thoughts +are not of the least importance!" + +Dr. Brayle flushed angrily and Catherine looked surprised and +visibly indignant. + +"Father! How can you be so rude!" + +"Am I rude?" And Mr. Harland shrugged his shoulders indifferently-- +"Well! I may be--but I never take a man's hospitality and permit +myself to listen to abuse of him afterwards." + +"I assure you--" began Dr. Brayle, almost humbly. + +"There, there! If I spoke hastily, I apologise. But Santoris is too +straightforward a man to be suspected of any dishonesty or +chicanery--and certainly no one on board this vessel shall treat his +name with anything but respect." Here he turned to me--"Will you +come on deck for a little while before bedtime, or would you rather +rest?" + +I saw that he wished to speak to me, and willingly agreed to +accompany him. Dinner being well over, we left the saloon, and were +soon pacing the deck together under the light of a brilliant moon. +Instinctively we both looked towards the 'Dream' yacht,--there was +no illumination about her this evening save the usual lamp hung in +the rigging and the tiny gleams of radiance through her port-holes,- +-and her graceful masts and spars were like fine black pencillings +seen against the bare slope of a mountain made almost silver to the +summit by the singularly searching clearness of the moonbeams. My +host paused in his walk beside me to light a cigar. + +"I'm sure you are convinced that Santoris is honest," he said--"Are +you not?" + +"In what way should I doubt him?"--I replied, evasively--"I scarcely +know him!" + +Hardly had I said this when a sudden self-reproach stung me. How +dare I say that I scarcely knew one who had been known to me for +ages? I leaned against the deck rail looking up at the violet sky, +my heart beating quickly. My companion was still busy lighting his +cigar, but when this was done to his satisfaction he resumed. + +"True! You scarcely know him, but you are quick to form opinions, +and your instincts are often, though perhaps not always, correct. At +any rate, you have no distrust of him? You like him?" + +"Yes,"--I answered, slowly--"I--I like him--very much." + +And the violet sky, with its round white moon, seemed to swing in a +circle about me as I spoke--knowing that the true answer of my heart +was love, not liking!--that love was the magnet drawing me +irresistibly, despite my own endeavour, to something I could neither +understand nor imagine. + +"I'm glad of that," said Mr. Harland--"It would have worried me a +little if you had taken a prejudice or felt any antipathy towards +him. I can see that Brayle hates him and has imbued Catherine with +something of his own dislike." + +I was silent. + +"He is, of course, an extraordinary man," went on Mr. Harland--"and +he is bound to offend many and to please few. He is not likely to +escape the usual fate of unusual characters. But I think--indeed I +may say I am sure--his integrity is beyond question. He has curious +opinions about love and marriage--almost as curious as the fixed +ideas he holds concerning life and death." + +Something cold seemed to send a shiver through my blood--was it some +stray fragment of memory from the past that stirred me to a sense of +pain? I forced myself to speak. + +"What are those opinions?" I asked, and looking up in the moonlight +to my companion's face I saw that it wore a puzzled expression-- +"Hardly conventional, I suppose?" + +"Conventional! Convention and Santoris are farther apart than the +poles! No--he doesn't fit into any accepted social code at all. He +looks upon marriage itself as a tacit acknowledgment of inconstancy +in love, and declares that if the passion existed in its truest form +between man and woman any sort of formal or legal tie would be +needless,--as love, if it be love, does not and cannot change. But +it is no use discussing such a matter with him. The love that he +believes in can only exist, if then, once in a thousand years! Men +and women marry for physical attraction, convenience, necessity or +respectability,--and the legal bond is necessary both for their +sakes and the worldly welfare of the children born to them; but love +which is physical and transcendental together,--love that is to last +through an imagined eternity of progress and fruition, this is a +mere dream--a chimera!--and he feasts his brain upon it as though it +were a nourishing fact. However, one must have patience with him--he +is not like the rest of us." + +"No!" I murmured--and then stood silently beside him watching the +moonbeams ripple on the waters in wavy links of brightness. + +"When you married," I said, at last--"did you not marry for love?" + +He puffed at his cigar thoughtfully. + +"Well, I hardly know," he replied, after a long pause,--"Looking +back upon everything, I rather doubt it! I married as most men +marry--on impulse. I saw a pretty face--and it seemed advisable that +I should marry--but I cannot say I was moved by any great or +absorbing passion for the woman I chose. She was charming and +amiable in our courting days--as a wife she became peevish and +querulous,--apt to sulk, too,--and she devoted herself almost +entirely to the most commonplace routine of life;--however, I had +nothing to justly complain of. We lived five years together before +her child Catherine was born,--and then she died. I cannot say that +either her life or her death left any deep mark upon me--not if I am +honest. I don't think I understand love--certainly not the love +which Rafel Santoris looks upon as the secret key of the Universe." + +Instinctively my eyes turned towards the 'Dream' at anchor. She +looked like a phantom vessel in the moonlight. Again the faint +shiver of cold ran through my veins like a sense of spiritual +terror. If I should lose now what I had lost before! This was my +chief thought,--my hidden shuddering fear. Did the whole +responsibility rest with me, I wondered? Mr. Harland laid his hand +kindly on my arm. + +"You look like a wan spirit in the moonbeams," he said--"So pale and +wistful! You are tired, and I am selfish in keeping you up here to +talk to me. Go down to your cabin. I can see you are full of +mystical dreams, and I am afraid Santoris has rather helped you to +indulge in them. He is of the same nature as you are--inclined to +believe that this life as we live it is only one phase of many that +are past and of many yet to come. I wish I could accept that faith!" + +"I wish you could!" I said--"You surely would be happier." + +"Should I?" He gave a quick sigh. "I have my doubts! If I could be +young and strong and lie through many lives always possessed of that +same youth and strength, then there would be something in it--but to +be old and ailing, no! The Faust legend is an eternal truth--Life is +only worth living as long as we enjoy it." + +"Your friend Santoris enjoys it!" I said. + +"Ah! There you touch me! He does enjoy it, and why? Because he is +young! Though nearly as old in years as I am, he is actually young! +That's the mystery of him! Santoris is positively young--young in +heart, young in thought, ambition, feeling and sentiment, and yet-- +" + +He broke off for a moment, then resumed. + +"I don't know how he has managed it, but he told me long ago that it +was a man's own fault if he allowed himself to grow old. I laughed +at him then, but he has certainly carried his theories into fact. He +used to declare that it was either yourself or your friends that +made you old. 'You will find,' he said, 'as you go on in years, that +your family relations, or your professing dear friends, are those +that will chiefly insist on your inviting and accepting the burden +of age. They will remind you that twenty years ago you did so and +so,--or that they have known you over thirty years--or they will +tell you that considering your age you look well, or a thousand and +one things of that kind, as if it were a fault or even a crime to be +alive for a certain span of time,--whereas if you simply shook off +such unnecessary attentions and went your own way, taking freely of +the constant output of life and energy supplied to you by Nature, +you would outwit all these croakers of feebleness and decay and +renew your vital forces to the end. But to do this you must have a +constant aim in life and a ruling passion.' As I told you, I laughed +at him and at what I called his 'folly,' but now--well, now--it's a +case of 'let those laugh who win.'" + +"And you think he has won?" I asked. + +"Most assuredly--I cannot deny it. But the secret of his victory is +beyond me." + +"I should think it is beyond most people," I replied--"For if we +could all keep ourselves young and strong we would take every means +in our power to attain such happiness--" + +"Would we, though?" And his brows knitted perplexedly--"If we knew, +would we take the necessary trouble? We will hardly obey a +physician's orders for our good even when we are really ill--would +we in health follow any code of life in order to keep well?" + +I laughed. + +"Perhaps not!" I said--"I expect it will always be the same thing-- +'Many are called, but few are chosen.' Goodnight!" + +I held out my hand. He took it in his own and kept it a moment. + +"It's curious we should have met Santoris so soon after my telling +you about him," he said--"It's one of those coincidences which one +cannot explain. You are very like him in some of your ideas--you two +ought to be very great friends." + +"Ought we?"--and I smiled--"Perhaps we shall be! Again, Good-night!" + +"Good-night!" And I left him to his meditations and went down to my +cabin, only stopping for a moment to say good-night to Catherine and +Dr. Brayle, who were playing bridge with Mr. Swinton and Captain +Derrick in the saloon. Once in my room, I was thankful to be alone. +Every extraneous thing seemed an intrusion or an impertinence,--the +thoughts that filled my brain were all absorbing, and went so far +beyond the immediate radius of time and space that I could hardly +follow their flight. I smiled as I imagined what ordinary people +would think of the experience through which I had passed and was +passing. 'Foolish fancies!' 'Neurotic folly!' and other epithets of +the kind would be heaped upon me if they knew--they, the excellent +folk whose sole objects in life are so ephemeral as to be the things +of the hour, the day, or the month merely, and who if they ever +pause to consider eternal possibilities at all, do so reluctantly +perhaps in church on Sundays, comfortably dismissing them for the +more solid prospect of dinner. And of Love? What view of the divine +passion do they take as a rule? Let the millions of mistaken +marriages answer! Let the savage lusts and treacheries and cruelties +of merely brutish and unspiritualised humanity bear witness? And how +few shall be found who have even the beginnings of the nature of +true love--'the love of soul for soul, angel for angel, god for +god!'--the love that accepts this world and its events as one phase +only of divine and immortal existence--a phase of trial and proving +in which the greater number fail to pass even a first examination! +As for myself, I felt and knew that _I_ had failed hopelessly and +utterly in the past--and I stood now as it were on the edge of new +circumstances--in fear, yet not without hope, and praying that +whatsoever should chance to me I might not fail again! + + + + +X + +STRANGE ASSOCIATIONS + + +The next day the race agreed upon was run in the calmest of calm +weather. There was not the faintest breath of wind,--the sea was +still as a pond and almost oily in its smooth, motionless shining-- +and it was evident at first that our captain entertained no doubt +whatever as to the 'Diana,' with her powerful engines, being easily +able to beat the aerial-looking 'Dream' schooner, which at noon-day, +with all sails spread, came gliding up beside us till she lay point +to point at equal distance and at nearly equal measurement with our +more cumbersome vessel. Mr. Harland was keenly excited; Dr. Brayle +was ready to lay any amount of wagers as to the impossibility of a +sailing vessel, even granted she was moved by electricity, out- +racing one of steam in such a dead calm. As the two vessels lay on +the still waters, the 'Diana' fussily getting up steam, and the +'Dream' with sails full out as if in a stiff breeze, despite the +fact that there was no wind, we discussed the situation eagerly--or +rather I should say my host and his people discussed it, for I had +nothing to say, knowing that the victory was sure to be with +Santoris. We were in very lonely waters,--there was room and to +spare for plenty of racing, and when all was ready and Santoris +saluted us from the deck, lifting his cap and waving it in response +to a similar greeting from Mr. Harland and our skipper, the signal +to start was given. We moved off together, and for at least half an +hour or more the 'Dream' floated along in a kind of lazy indolence, +keeping up with us easily, her canvas filled, and her keel cutting +the water as if swept by a favouring gale. The result of the race +was soon a foregone conclusion,--for presently, when well out on the +mirror-like calm of the sea, the 'Dream' showed her secret powers in +earnest, and flew like a bird with a silent swiftness that was +almost incredible. Our yacht put on all steam in the effort to keep +up with her,--in vain! On, on, with light grace and celerity her +white sails carried her like the wings of a sea-gull, and almost +before we could realise it she vanished altogether from our sight! I +saw a waste of water spread around us emptily like a wide circle of +crystal reflecting the sky, and a sense of desolation fell upon me +in the mere fact that we were temporarily left alone. We steamed on +and on in the direction of the vanished 'Dream,'--our movements +suggesting those of some clumsy four-footed animal panting its way +after a bird, but unable to come up with her. + +"Wonderful!" said Mr. Harland, at last, drawing a long breath,--"I +would never have believed it possible!" + +"Nor I!" agreed Captain Derrick--"I certainly thought she would +never have managed it in such a dead calm. For though I have seen +some of her mechanism I cannot entirely understand it." + +Dr. Brayle was silent. It was evident that he was annoyed--though +why he should be so was not apparent. I myself was full of secret +anxiety--for the 'Dream' yacht's sudden and swift disappearance had +filled me with a wretched sense of loneliness beyond all expression. +Suppose she should not return! I had no clue to her whereabouts--and +with the loss of Santoris I knew I should lose all that was worth +having in my life. While these miserable thoughts were yet chasing +each other through my brain I suddenly caught a far glimpse of white +sails on the horizon. + +"She's coming back!" I cried, enraptured, and heedless of what I +said--"Oh, thank God! She's coming back!" + +They all looked at me in amazement. + +"Why, what's the matter with you?" asked Mr. Harland, smiling. "You +surely didn't think she was in any danger?" + +My cheeks grew warm. + +"I didn't know--I could not imagine--" I faltered, and turning away +I met Dr. Brayle's eyes fixed upon me with a gleam of malice in +them. + +"I'm sure," he said, suavely, "you are greatly interested in Mr. +Santoris! Perhaps you have met each other before?" + +"Never!" I answered, hurriedly,--and then checked myself, startled +and confused. He kept his narrow brown eyes heedfully upon me and +smiled slightly. + +"Really! I should have thought otherwise!" + +I did not trouble myself to reply. The white sails of the 'Dream' +were coming nearer and nearer over the smooth width of the sunlit +water, and as she approached my heart grew warm with gratitude. Life +was again a thing of joy!--the world was no longer empty! That ship +looked to me like a beautiful winged spirit coming towards me with +radiant assurances of hope and consolation, and I lost all fear, all +sadness, all foreboding, as she gradually swept up alongside in the +easy triumph she had won. Our crew assembled to welcome her, and +cheered lustily. Santoris, standing on her deck, lightly +acknowledged the salutes which gave him the victory, and presently +both our vessels were once more at their former places of anchorage. +When all the excitement was over, I went down to my cabin to rest +for a while before dressing for the dinner on board the 'Dream' to +which we were all invited,--and while I lay on my sofa reading, +Catherine Harland knocked at my door and asked to come in, I +admitted her at once, and she flung herself into an arm-chair with a +gesture of impatience. + +"I'm so tired of all this yachting!" she said, peevishly. "It isn't +amusing to me!" + +"I'm very sorry!" I answered;--"If you feel like that, why not give +it up at once?" + +"Oh, it's father's whim!" she said-"And if he makes up his mind +there's no moving him. One thing, however, I'm determined to do--and +that is--" Here she stopped, looking at me curiously. + +I returned her gaze questioningly. + +"And that is--what?" + +"To get as far away as ever we can from that terrible 'Dream' yacht +and its owner!"--she replied--"That man is a devil!" + +I laughed. I could not help laughing. The estimate she had formed of +one so vastly her superior as Santoris struck me as more amusing +than blamable. I am often accustomed to hear the hasty and narrow +verdict of small-minded and unintelligent persons pronounced on men +and women of high attainment and great mental ability; therefore, +that she should show herself as not above the level of the common +majority did not offend so much as it entertained me. However, my +laughter made her suddenly angry. + +"Why do you laugh?" she demanded. "You look quite pagan in that lace +rest-gown--I suppose you call it a restgown!--with all your hair +tumbling loose about you! And that laugh of yours is a pagan laugh!" + +I was so surprised at her odd way of speaking that for a moment I +could find no words. She looked at me with a kind of hard disfavour +in her eyes. + +"That's the reason,"--she went on--"why you find life agreeable. +Pagans always did. They revelled in sunshine and open air, and found +all sorts of excuses for their own faults, provided they got some +pleasure out of them. That's quite your temperament! And they +laughed at serious things--just as you do!" + +The mirror showed me my own reflection, and I saw myself still +smiling. + +"Do I laugh at serious things?" I said. "Dear Miss Harland, I am not +aware of it! But I cannot take Mr. Santoris as a 'devil' seriously!" + +"He is!" And she nodded her head emphatically--"And all those queer +beliefs he holds--and you hold them too!--are devilish! If you +belonged to the Church of Rome, you would not be allowed to indulge +in such wicked theories for a moment." + +"Ah! The Church of Rome fortunately cannot control thought!"--I +said--"Not even the thoughts of its own children! And some of the +beliefs of the Church of Rome are more blasphemous and barbarous +than all the paganism of the ancient world! Tell me, what are my +'wicked theories'?" + +"Oh, I don't know!" she replied, vaguely and inconsequently--"You +believe there's no death--and you think we all make our own +illnesses and misfortunes,--and I've heard you say that the idea of +Eternal Punishment is absurd--so in a way you are as bad as father, +who declares there's nothing in the Universe but gas and atoms--no +God and no anything. You really are quite as much of an atheist as +he is! Dr. Brayle says so." + +I had been standing in front of her while she thus talked, but now I +resumed my former reclining attitude on the sofa and looked at her +with a touch of disdain. + +"Dr. Brayle says so!"--I repeated--"Dr. Brayle's opinion is the +least worth having in the world! Now, if you really believe in +devils, there's one for you!" + +"How can you say so?" she exclaimed, hotly--"What right have you--" + +"How can he call ME an atheist?" I demanded-"What right has HE to +judge me?" + +The flush died off her face, and a sudden fear filled her eyes. + +"Don't look at me like that!" she said, almost in a whisper--"It +reminds me of an awful dream I had the other night!"--She paused.-- +"Shall I tell it to you?" + +I nodded indifferently, yet watched her curiously the while. +Something in her hard, plain face had become suddenly and +unpleasantly familiar. + +"I dreamed that I was in a painter's studio watching two murdered +people die--a man and a woman. The man was like Santoris--the woman +resembled you! They had been stabbed,--and the woman was clinging to +the man's body. Dr. Brayle stood beside me also watching--but the +scene was strange to me, and the clothes we wore were all of some +ancient time. I said to Dr. Brayle: 'We have killed them!' and he +replied: 'Yes! They are better dead than living!' It was a horrible +dream!--it seemed so real! I have been frightened of you and of that +man Santoris ever since!" + +I could not speak for a moment. A recollection swept over me to +which I dared not give utterance,--it seemed too improbable. + +"I've had nerves," she went on, shivering a little--"and that's why +I say I'm tired of this yachting trip. It's becoming a nightmare to +me!" + +I lay back on the sofa looking at her with a kind of pity. + +"Then why not end it?" I said--"Or why not let me go away? It is I +who have displeased you somehow, and I assure you I'm very sorry! +You and Mr. Harland have both been most kind to me--I've been your +guest for nearly a fortnight,--that's quite sufficient holiday for +me--put me ashore anywhere you like and I'll go home and get myself +out of your way. Will that be any comfort to you?" + +"I don't know that it will," she said, with a short, querulous sigh- +-"Things have happened so strangely." She paused, looking at me-- +"Yes--you have the face of that woman I saw in my dream!--and you +have always reminded me of--" + +I waited eagerly. She seemed afraid to go on. + +"Well!" I said, as quietly as I could--"Do please finish what you +were saying!" + +"It goes back to the time when I first saw you," she continued, now +speaking quickly as though anxious to get it over--"You will perhaps +hardly remember the occasion. It was at that great art and society +"crush" in London where there was such a crowd that hundreds of +people never got farther than the staircase. You were pointed out to +me as a "psychist"--and while I was still listening to what was +being said about you, my father came up with you on his arm and +introduced us. When I saw you I felt that your features were somehow +familiar,--though I could not tell where I had met you before,--and +I became very anxious to see more of you. In fact, you had a perfect +fascination for me! You have the same fascination now,--only it is a +fascination that terrifies me!" + +I was silent. + +"The other night," she went on--"when Mr. Santoris first came on +board I had a singular impression that he was or had been an enemy +of mine,--though where or how I could not say. It was this that +frightened me, and made me too ill and nervous to go with you on +that excursion to Loch Coruisk. And I want to get away from him! I +never had such impressions before--and even now,--looking at you,--I +feel there's something in you which is quite "uncanny,"--it troubles +me! Oh!--I'm sure you mean me no harm--you are bright and amiable +and adaptable and all that--but--I'm afraid of you!" + +"Poor Catherine!" I said, very gently--"These are merely nervous +ideas! There is nothing to fear from me--no, nothing!" For here she +suddenly leaned forward and took my hand, looking earnestly in my +face--"How can you imagine such a thing possible?" + +"Are you sure?" she half whispered--"When I called you "pagan" just +now I had a sort of dim recollection of a fair woman like you,--a +woman I seemed to know who was really a pagan! Yet I don't know how +I knew her, or where I met her--a woman who, for some reason or +other, was hateful to me because I was jealous of her! These curious +fancies have haunted my mind only since that man Santoris came on +board,--and I told Dr. Brayle exactly what I felt." + +"And what did he say?" I asked. + +"He said that it was all the work of Santoris, who was an evident +professor of psychical imposture--" + +I sprang up. + +"Let him say that to ME!" I exclaimed--"Let him dare to say it! and +I will prove who is the impostor to his face!" + +She retreated from me with wide-open eyes of alarm. + +"Why do you look at me like that?" she said. "We didn't really kill +you--except--in a dream!" + +A sudden silence fell between us; something cold and shadowy and +impalpable seemed to possess the very air. If by some supernatural +agency we had been momentarily deprived of life and motion, while a +vast dark cloud, heavy with rain, had made its slow way betwixt us, +the sense of chill and depression could hardly have been greater. + +Presently Catherine spoke again, with a little forced laugh. + +"What silly things I say!" she murmured--"You can see for yourself +my nerves are in a bad state!--I am altogether unstrung!" + +I stood for a moment looking at her, and considering the perplexity +in which we both seemed involved. + +"If you would rather not dine with Mr. Santoris this evening," I +said, at last,--"and if you think his presence has a bad effect on +you, let us make some excuse not to go. I will willingly stay with +you, if you wish me to do so." + +She gave me a surprised glance. + +"You are very unselfish," she said--"and I wish I were not so +fanciful. It's most kind of you to offer to stay with me and to give +up an evening's pleasure--for I suppose it IS a pleasure? You like +Mr. Santoris?" + +The colour rushed to my face in a warm glow. + +"Yes," I answered, turning slightly away from her--"I like him very +much." + +"And he likes YOU better than he likes any of us," she said--"In +fact, I believe if it had not been for you, we should never have met +him in this strange way--" + +"Why, how can you make that out?" I asked, smiling. "I never heard +of him till your father spoke of him,--and never saw him till--" + +"Till when?"--she demanded, quickly. + +"Till the other night," I answered, hesitatingly. + +She searched my face with questioning eyes. + +"I thought you were going to say that you, like myself, had some +idea or recollection of having met him before," she said. "However, +I shall not ask you to sacrifice your pleasure for me,--in fact, I +have made up my mind to go to this dinner, though Dr. Brayle doesn't +wish it." + +"Oh! Dr. Brayle doesn't wish it!" I echoed--"And why?" + +"Well, he thinks it will not be good for me--and--and he hates the +very sight of Santoris!" + +I said nothing. She rose to leave my cabin. + +"Please don't think too hardly of me!" she said, pleadingly,--"I've +told you frankly just how I feel,--and you can imagine how glad I +shall be when this yachting trip comes to an end." + +She went away then, and I stood for some minutes lost in thought. I +dared not pursue the train of memories with which she had connected +herself in my mind. My chief idea now was to find some convenient +method of immediately concluding my stay with the Harlands and +leaving their yacht at some easy point of departure for home. And I +resolved I would speak to Santoris on this subject and trust to him +for a means whereby we should not lose sight of each other, for I +felt that this was imperative. And my spirit rose up within me full +of joy and pride in its instinctive consciousness that I was as +necessary to him as he was to me. + +It was a warm, almost sultry evening, and I was able to discard my +serge yachting dress for one of soft white Indian silk, a cooler and +more presentable costume for a dinner-party on board a yacht which +was furnished with such luxury as was the 'Dream.' My little sprig +of bell-heather still looked bright and fresh in the glass where I +always kept it--but to-night when I took it in my hand it suddenly +crumbled into a pinch of fine grey dust. This sudden destruction of +what had seemed well-nigh indestructible startled me for a moment +till I began to think that after all the little bunch of blossom had +done its work,--its message had been given--its errand completed. +All the Madonna lilies Santoris had given me were as fresh as if +newly gathered,--and I chose one of these with its companion bud as +my only ornament. When I joined my host and his party in the saloon +he looked at me with inquisitive scrutiny. + +"I cannot quite make you out," he said--"You look several years +younger than you did when you came on board at Rothesay! Is it the +sea air, the sunshine, or--Santoris?" + +"Santoris!" I repeated, and laughed. "How can it be Santoris?" + +"Well, he makes HIMSELF young," Mr. Harland answered--"And perhaps +he may make others young too. There's no telling the extent of his +powers!" + +"Quite the conjurer!" observed Dr. Brayle, drily--"Faust should have +consulted him instead of Mephistopheles!" + +"'Faust' is a wonderful legend, but absurd in the fact that the old +philosopher sold his soul to the Devil, merely for the love of +woman,"--said Mr. Harland. "The joy, the sensation and the passion +of love were to him supreme temptation and the only satisfaction on +earth." + +Dr. Brayle's eyes gleamed. + +"But, after all, is this not a truth?" he asked--"Is there anything +that so completely dominates the life of a man as the love of a +woman? It is very seldom the right woman--but it is always a woman +of some kind. Everything that has ever been done in the world, +either good or evil, can be traced back to the influence of women on +men--sometimes it is their wives who sway their actions, but it is +far more often their mistresses. Kings and emperors are as prone to +the universal weakness as commoners,--we have only to read history +to be assured of the fact. What more could Faust desire than love?" + +"Well, to me love is a mistake," said Mr. Harland, throwing on his +overcoat carelessly--"I agree with Byron's dictum 'Who loves, +raves!' Of course it should be an ideal passion--but it never is. +Come, are we all ready?" + +We were--and we at once left the yacht in our own launch. Our party +consisted of Mr. Harland, his daughter, myself, Dr. Brayle and Mr. +Swinton, and with such indifferent companions I imagined it would be +difficult, if not impossible, to get even a moment with Santoris +alone, to tell him of my intention to leave my host and hostess as +soon as might be possible. However, I determined to make some effort +in this direction, if I could find even the briefest opportunity. + +We made our little trip across the water from the 'Diana' to the +'Dream' in the light of a magnificent sunset. Loch Scavaig was a +blaze of burning colour,--and the skies above us were flushed with +deep rose divided by lines of palest blue and warm gold. Santoris +was waiting on the deck to receive us, attended by his captain and +one or two of the principals of the crew, but what attracted and +charmed our eyes at the moment was a beautiful dark youth of some +twelve or thirteen years of age, clad in Eastern dress, who held a +basket full of crimson and white rose petals, which, with a graceful +gesture, he silently emptied at our feet as we stepped on board. I +happened to be the first one to ascend the companion ladder, so that +it looked as if this fragrant heap of delicate leaves had been +thrown down for me to tread upon, but even if it had been so +intended it appeared as though designed for the whole party. +Santoris welcomed us with the kindly courtesy which always +distinguished his manner, and he himself escorted Miss Harland down +to one of the cabins, there to take off the numerous unnecessary +wraps and shawls with which she invariably clothed herself on the +warmest day,--I followed them as they went, and he turned to me with +a smile, saying:-- + +"You know your room? The same you had yesterday afternoon." + +I obeyed his gesture, and entered the exquisitely designed and +furnished apartment which he had said was for a 'princess,' and +closing the door I sat down for a few minutes to think quietly. It +was evident that things were coming to some sort of crisis in my +life,--and shaping to some destiny which I must either accept or +avoid. Decisive action would rest, as I saw, entirely with myself. +To avoid all difficulty, I had only to hold my peace and go my own +way--refuse to know more of this singular man who seemed to be so +mysteriously connected with my life, and return home to the usual +safe, if dull, routine of my ordinary round of work and effort. On +the other hand, to accept the dawning joy that seemed showering upon +me like a light from Heaven, was to blindly move on into the +Unknown,--to trust unquestioningly to the secret spiritual +promptings of my own nature and to give myself up wholly and +ungrudgingly to a love which suggested all things yet promised +nothing! Full of the most conflicting thoughts, I paced the room up +and down slowly--the tall mirror reflected my face and figure and +showed me the startlingly faithful presentment of the woman I had +seen in my strange series of visions,--the woman who centuries ago +had fought against convention and custom, only to be foolishly +conquered by them in a thousand ways,--the woman who had slain love, +only that it should rise again and confront her with deathless eyes +of eternal remembrance--the woman who, drowned at last for love's +sake in a sea of wrath and trembling, knelt outside the barred gate +of Heaven praying to enter in! And in my mind I heard again the +words spoken by that sweet and solemn Voice which had addressed me +in the first of my dreams: + +"One rose from all the roses in Heaven! One--fadeless and immortal-- +only one, but sufficient for all! One love from all the million +loves of men and women--one, but enough for Eternity! How long the +rose has awaited its flowering--how long the love has awaited its +fulfilment--only the recording angels know! Such roses bloom but +once in the wilderness of space and time; such love comes but once +in a Universe of worlds!" + +And then I remembered the parting command: "Rise and go hence! Keep +the gift God sends thee!--take that which is thine!--meet that which +hath sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside again, +neither by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old errors +prevail. Pass from vision into waking!--from night to day!--from +seeming death to life!--from loneliness to love!--and keep within +thy heart the message of a Dream!" + +Dared I trust to these suggestions which the worldly-wise would call +mere imagination? A profound philosopher of these latter days has +defined Imagination as 'an advanced perception of truth,' and avers +that the discoveries of the future can always be predicted by the +poet and the seer, whose receptive brains are the first to catch the +premonitions of those finer issues of thought which emanate from the +Divine intelligence. However this may be, my own experience of life +had taught me that what ordinary persons pin their faith upon as +real, is often unreal,--while such promptings of the soul as are +almost incapable of expression lead to the highest realities of +existence. And I decided at last to let matters take their own +course, though I was absolutely resolved to get away from the +Harlands within the next two or three days. I meant to ask Mr. +Harland to land me at Portree, where I could take the steamer for +Glasgow;--any excuse would serve for a hurried departure--and I felt +now that departure was necessary. + +A soft sound of musical bells reached my ears at this moment +announcing dinner,--and leaving the 'princess's' apartment, I met +Santoris at the entrance to the saloon. There was no one else there +for the moment but himself, and as I came towards him he took my +hands in his own and raised them to his lips. + +"You are not yet resolved!" he said, in a low tone, smiling--"Take +plenty of time!" + +I lifted my eyes to his, and all doubt seemed swept away in the +light of our mutual glances--I smiled in response to his look,--and +we loosened our hands quickly as Mr. Harland with his doctor and +secretary came down from the deck, Catherine joining us from the +cabin where she had disburdened herself of her invalid wrappings. +She was rather more elegantly attired than usual--she wore a curious +purple-coloured gown with threads of gold interwoven in the stuff, +and a collar of lace turned back at the throat gave her the aspect +of an old Italian picture--a sort of 'Portrait of a lady,--Artist +unknown.' Not a pleasant portrait, perhaps--but characteristic of a +certain dull and self-centred type of woman. We were soon seated at +table--a table richly, yet daintily, appointed, and adorned with the +costliest flowers and fruits. The men who waited upon us were all +Easterns, dark-eyed and dark-skinned, and wore the Eastern dress,-- +all their movements were swift yet graceful and dignified--they made +no noise in the business of serving,--not a dish clattered, not a +glass clashed. They were perfect servants, taking care to avoid the +common but reprehensible method of offering dishes to persons +conversing, thus interrupting the flow of talk at inopportune +moments. And what talk it was!--all sorts of subjects, social and +impersonal, came up for discussion, and Santoris handled them with +such skill that he made us forget that there was anything remarkable +or unusual about himself or his surroundings, though, as a matter of +fact, no more princely banquet could ever have been served in the +most luxurious of palaces. Half-way through the meal, when the +conversation came for a moment to a pause, the most exquisite music +charmed our ears--beginning softly and far away, it swelled out to +rich and glorious harmonies like a full orchestra playing under the +sea. We looked at each other and then at our host in charmed +enquiry. + +"Electricity again!" he said--"So simply managed that it is not +worth talking about! Unfortunately, it is mechanical music, and this +can never be like the music evolved from brain and fingers; however, +it fills in gaps of silence when conventional minds are at a strain +for something to say--something quite 'safe' and unlikely to provoke +discussion!" + +His keen blue eyes flashed with a sudden gleam of scorn in them. I +looked at him half questioningly, and the scorn melted into a smile. + +"It isn't good form to start any subject which might lead to +argument," he went on--"The modern brain must not be exercised too +strenuously,--it is not strong enough to stand much effort. What do +you say, Harland?" + +"I agree," answered Mr. Harland. "As a rule people who dine as well +as we are dining to-night have no room left for mentality--they +become all digestion!" + +Dr. Brayle laughed. + +"Nothing like a good dinner if one has an appetite for it. I think +it quite possible that Faust would have left his Margaret for a full +meal!" + +"I'm sure he would!" chimed in Mr. Swinton--"Any man would!" + +Santoris looked down the table with a curious air of half-amused +inspection. His eyes, clear and searching in their swift glance, +took in the whole group of us--Mr. Harland enjoying succulent +asparagus; Dr. Brayle drinking champagne; Mr. Swinton helping +himself out of some dish of good things offered to him by one of the +servants; Catherine playing in a sort of demure, old-maidish way +with knife and fork as if she were eating against her will--and +finally they rested on me, to whom the dinner was just a pretty +pageant of luxury in which I scarcely took any part. + +"Well, whatever Faust would or would not do," he said, half +laughingly--"it's certain that food is never at a discount. Women +frequently are." + +"Women," said Mr. Harland, poising a stem of asparagus in the air, +"are so constituted as to invariably make havoc either of themselves +or of the men they profess to love. Wives neglect their husbands, +and husbands naturally desert their wives. Devoted lovers quarrel +and part over the merest trifles. The whole thing is a mistake." + +"What whole thing?" asked Santoris, smiling. + +"The relations between man and woman," Harland answered. "In my +opinion we should conduct ourselves like the birds and animals, +whose relationships are neither binding nor lasting, but are just +sufficient to preserve the type. That's all that is really needed. +What is called love is mere sentiment." + +"Do you endorse that verdict, Miss Harland?" Santoris asked, +suddenly. + +Catherine looked up, startled--her yellow skin flushed a pale red. + +"I don't know," she answered--"I scarcely heard--"" + +"Your father doesn't believe in love," he said--"Do you?" + +"I hope it exists," she murmured--"But nowadays people are so VERY +practical--" + +"Oh, believe me, they are no more practical now than they ever +were!" averred Santoris, laughing. "There's as much romance in the +modern world as in the ancient;--the human heart has the same +passions, but they are more deeply suppressed and therefore more +dangerous. And love holds the same eternal sway--so does jealousy." + +Dr. Brayle looked up. + +"Jealousy is an uncivilised thing," he said--"It is a kind of +primitive passion from which no well-ordered mind should suffer." + +Santoris smiled. + +"Primitive passions are as forceful as they ever were," he answered. +"No culture can do away with them. Jealousy, like love, is one of +the motive powers of progress. It is a great evil--but a necessary +one--as necessary as war. Without strife of some sort the world +would become like a stagnant pool breeding nothing but weeds and the +slimy creatures pertaining to foulness. Even in love, the most +divine of passions, there should be a wave of uncertainty and a +sense of unsolved mystery to give it everlastingness." + +"Everlastingness?" queried Mr. Harland--"Or simply life +lastingness?" + +"Everlastingness!" repeated Santoris. "Love that lacks eternal +stability is not love at all, but simply an affectionate +understanding and agreeable companionship in this world only. For +the other world or worlds--" + +"Ah! You are going too far," interrupted Mr. Harland--"You know I +cannot follow you! And with all due deference to the fair sex I very +much doubt if any one of them would care for a love that was +destined to last for ever." + +"No MAN would," interrupted Brayle, sarcastically. + +Santoris gave him a quick glance. + +"No man is asked to care!" he said--"Nor woman either. SOULS are not +only asked, but COMMANDED, to care! This, however, is beyond you!" + +"And beyond most people," answered Brayle--"Such ideas are purely +imaginary and transcendental." + +"Granted!" And Santoris gave him a quick, straight glance--"But what +do you mean by 'imaginary' and 'transcendental'? Imagination is the +faculty of conceiving in the brain ideas which may with time spring +to the full fruition of realisation. Every item of our present-day +civilisation has been 'imagined' before taking practical shape. +'Transcendental' means BEYOND the ordinary happenings of life and +life's bodily routine--and this 'beyond' expresses itself so often +that there are few lives lived for a single day without some touch +of its inexplicable marvel. It is on such lines as these that human +beings drift away from happiness,--they will only believe what they +can see, while all the time their actual lives depend on what they +do NOT see!" + +There was a moment's silence. The charm of his voice was potent--and +still more so the fascination of his manner and bearing, and Mr. +Harland looked at him in something of wonder and appeal. + +"You are a strange fellow, Santoris!" he said, at last, "And you +always were! Even now I can hardly believe that you are really the +very Santoris that struck such terror into the hearts of some of us +undergrads at Oxford! I say I can hardly believe it, though I know +you ARE the man. But I wish you would tell me--" + +"All about myself?" And Santoris smiled--"I will, with pleasure!--if +the story does not bore you. There is no mystery about it--no 'black +magic,' or 'occultism' of any kind. I have done nothing since I left +college but adapt myself to the forces of Nature, AND TO USE THEM +WHEN NECESSARY. The same way of life is open to all--and the same +results are bound to follow." + +"Results? Such as--?" queried Brayle. + +"Health, youth and power!" answered Santoris, with an involuntary +slight clenching of the firm, well-shaped hand that rested lightly +on the table,--"Command of oneself!--command of body, command of +spirit, and so on through an ever ascending scale! Every man with +the breath of God in him is a master, not a slave!" + +My heart beat quickly as he spoke; something rose up in me like a +response to a call, and I wondered--Did he assume to master ME? No! +I would not yield to that! If yielding were necessary, it must be my +own free will that gave in, not his compelling influence! As this +thought ran through my brain I met his eyes,--he smiled a little, +and I saw he had guessed my mind. The warm blood rushed to my cheeks +in a fervent glow, nevertheless the defiance of my soul was strong-- +as strong as the love which had begun to dominate me. And I listened +eagerly as he went on. + +"I began at Oxford by playing the slave part," he said--"a slave to +conventions and fossil-methods of instruction. One can really learn +more from studying the actual formation of rocks than from those +worthy Dons whom nothing will move out of their customary ruts of +routine. Even at that early time I felt that, given a man of health +and good physical condition, with sound brain, sound lungs and firm +nerves, it was not apparent why he, evidently born to rule, should +put himself into the leading strings of Oxford or any other forcing- +bed of intellectual effort. That it would be better if such an one +took HIMSELF in hand and tried to find out HIS OWN meaning, both in +relation to the finite and infinite gradations of Spirit and Matter. +And I resolved to enter upon the task--without allowing myself to +fear failure or to hope for success. My aim was to discover Myself +and my meaning, if such a thing were possible. No atom, however +infinitesimal, is without origin, history, place and use in the +Universe--and I, a conglomerated mass of atoms called Man, resolved +to search out the possibilities, finite and infinite, of my own +entity. With this aim I began--with this aim I continued." + +"Your task is not finished, then?" put in Dr. Brayle, with a +smilingly incredulous air. + +"It will never be finished," answered Santoris--"An eternal thing +has no end." + +There was a moment's silence. + +"Well,--go on, Santoris!" said Mr. Harland, with a touch of +impatience,--"And tell us especially what we all of us are chiefly +anxious to know--how it is that you are young when according to the +time of the world you should be old?" + +Santoris smiled again. + +"Ah! That is a purely personal touch of inquisitiveness!" he +answered--"It is quite human and natural, of course, but not always +wise. In every great lesson of life or scientific discovery people +ask first of all 'How can _I_ benefit by it?' or 'How will it affect +ME?' And while asking the question they yet will not trouble to get +an answer OUT OF THEMSELVES,--but they turn to others for the +solution of the mystery. To keep young is not at all difficult; when +certain simple processes of Nature are mastered the difficulty is to +grow old!" + +We all sat silent, waiting in mute expectancy. The servants had left +us, and only the fruits and dainties of dessert remained to tempt us +in baskets and dishes of exquisitely coloured Venetian glass, +contrasting with the graceful clusters of lovely roses and lilies +which added their soft charm to the decorative effect of the table, +and Santoris passed the wine, a choice Chateau-Yquem, round to us +all before beginning to speak again. And when he did speak, it was +in a singularly quiet, musical voice which exercised a kind of spell +upon my ears--I had heard that voice before--ah!--how often! How +often through the course of my life had I listened to it wonderingly +in dreams of which the waking morning brought no explanation! How it +had stolen upon me like an echo from far away, when alone in the +pauses of work and thought I had longed for some comprehension and +sympathy! And I had reproached myself for my own fancies and +imaginings, deeming them wholly foolish and irresponsible! And now! +Now its gentle and familiar tone went straight to the centre of my +spiritual consciousness, and forced me to realise that for the Soul +there is no escape from its immortal remembrance! + + + + +XI + +ONE WAY OF LOVE + + +"When I left Oxford," he said--"as I told you before, I left what I +conceived to be slavery--that is, a submissively ordered routine of +learning in which there occurred nothing new--nothing hopeful-- +nothing really serviceable. I mastered all there was to master, and +carried away 'honours' which I deemed hardly worth winning. It was +supposed then--most people would suppose it--that as I found myself +the possessor of an income of between five and six thousand a year, +I would naturally 'live my life,' as the phrase goes, and enter upon +what is called a social career. Now to my mind a social career +simply means social sham--and to live my life had always a broader +application for me than for the majority of men. So, having +ascertained all I could concerning myself and my affairs from my +father's London solicitors, and learning exactly how I was situated +with regard to finances and what is called the 'practical' side of +life, I left England for Egypt, the land where I was born. I had an +object in view,--and that object was not only to see my own old +home, but to find out the whereabouts of a certain great sage and +mystic philosopher long known in the East by the name of Heliobas." + +I started, and the blood rushed to my cheeks in a burning flame. + +"I think YOU knew him," he went on, addressing me directly, with a +straight glance--"You met him some years back, did you not?" + +I bent my head in silent assent,--and saw the eyes of my host and +hostess turned upon me in questioning scrutiny. + +"In a certain circle of students and mystics he was renowned," +continued Santoris,--"and I resolved to see what he could make of +me--what he would advise, and how I should set to work to discover +what I had resolved to find. However, at the end of a long and +tedious journey, I met with disappointment--Heliobas had removed to +another sphere of action--" + +"He was dead, you mean," interposed Mr. Harland. + +"Not at all," answered Santoris, calmly. "There is no death. To put +it quite simply, he had reached the top of his class in this +particular school of life and learning and, therefore, was ready and +willing to pass on into the higher grade. He, however, left a +successor capable of maintaining the theories he inculcated,--a man +named Aselzion, who elected to live in an almost inaccessible spot +among mountains with a few followers and disciples. Him I found +after considerable difficulty--and we came to understand each other +so well that I stayed with him some time studying all that he deemed +needful before I started on my own voyage of discovery. His methods +of instruction were arduous and painful--in fact, I may say I went +through a veritable ordeal of fire--" + +He broke off, and for a moment seemed absorbed in recollections. + +"You are speaking, I suppose, of some rule of life, some kind of +novitiate to which you had to submit yourself," said Mr. Harland-- +"Or was it merely a course of study?" + +"In one sense it was a sort of novitiate or probation," answered +Santoris, slowly, with the far-away, musing look still in his eyes-- +"In another it was, as you put it, 'merely' a course of study. +Merely! It was a course of study in which every nerve, every muscle, +every sinew was tested to its utmost strength--and in which a combat +between the spiritual and material was fiercely fought till the one +could master the other so absolutely as to hold it in perfect +subjection. Well! I came out of the trial fairly well--strong enough +at any rate to stand alone--as I have done ever since." + +"And to what did your severe ordeal lead?" asked Dr. Brayle, who by +this time appeared interested, though still wearing his incredulous, +half-sneering air--"To anything which you could not have gained just +as easily without it?" + +Santoris looked straight at him. His keen eyes glowed as though some +bright fire of the soul had leaped into them. + +"In the first place," he answered--"it led me to power! Power,--not +only over myself but over all things small and great that surround +or concern my being. I think you will admit that if a man takes up +any line of business, it is necessary for him to understand all its +technical methods and practical details. My business was and IS +Life!--the one thing that humanity never studies, and therefore +fails to master." + +Mr. Harland looked up. + +"Life is mysterious and inexplicable," he said--"We cannot tell why +we live. No one can fathom that mystery. We are Here through no +conscious desire of our own,--and again we are NOT here just as we +have learned to accommodate ourselves to the fact of being +Anywhere!" + +"True!" answered Santoris--"But to understand the 'why' of life we +must first of all realise that its origin Is Love. Love creates life +because it MUST; even agnostics, when pushed to the wall in argument +grant that some mysterious and mighty Force is at the back of +creation,--a Force which is both intelligent and beneficent. The +trite saying 'God is Love' is true enough, but it is quite as true +to say 'Love is God.' The commencement of universes, solar systems +and worlds is the desire of Love to express Itself. No more and no +less than this. From desire springs action,--from action life. It +only remains for each living unit to bring itself into harmonious +union with this one fundamental law of the whole cosmos,--the +expression and action of Love which is based, as naturally it must +be, on a dual entity." + +"What do you mean by that?" asked Dr. Brayle. + +"As a physician, and I presume as a scientist, you ought scarcely to +ask," replied Santoris, with a slight smile. "For you surely know +there is no single thing in the Universe. The very microbes of +disease or health go in pairs. Light and darkness,--the up and the +down,--the right and the left,--the storm and the calm,--the male +and the female,--all things are dual; and the sorrows of humanity +are for the most part the result of ill-assorted numbers,--figures +brought together that will not count up properly--wrong halves of +the puzzle that will never fit into place. The mischief runs through +all civilization,--wrong halves of races brought together which do +not and never can assimilate,--and in an individual personal sense +wrong halves of spirit and matter are often forced together which +are bound by law to separate in time with some attendant disaster. +The error is caused by the obstinate miscomprehension of man himself +as to the nature and extent of his own powers and faculties. He +forgets that he is not 'as the beasts that perish,' but that he has +the breath of God in him,--that he holds within himself the seed of +immortality which is perpetually re-creative. He is bound by all the +laws of the Universe to give that immortal life its dual entity and +attendant power, without which he cannot attain his highest ends. It +may take him thousands of years--cycles of time,--but it has to be +done. Materially speaking, he may perhaps consider that he has +secured his dual entity by a pleasing or fortunate marriage--but if +he is not spiritually mated, his marriage is useless,--ay! worse +than useless, as it only interposes fresh obstacles between himself +and his intended progress." + +"Marriage can hardly be called a useless institution," said Dr. +Brayle, with an uplifting of his sinister brows; "It helps to +populate the world." + +"It does," answered Santoris, calmly--"But if the pairs that are +joined in marriage have no spiritual bond between them and nothing +beyond the attraction of the mere body--they people the world with +more or less incapable, unthinking and foolish creatures like +themselves. And supposing these to be born in tens of millions, like +ants or flies, they will not carry on the real purpose of man's +existence to anything more than that stoppage and recoil which is +called Death, but which in reality is only a turning back of the +wheels of time when the right road has been lost and it becomes +imperative to begin the journey all over again." + +We sat silent; no one had any comment to offer. + +"We are arriving at that same old turning-point once more," he +continued--"The Western civilisation of two thousand years, assisted +(and sometimes impeded) by the teachings of Christianity, is nearing +its end. Out of the vast wreckage of nations, now imminent, only a +few individuals can be saved,--and the storm is so close at hand +that one can almost hear the mutterings of the thunder! But why +should I or you or anyone else think about it? We have our own +concerns to attend to--and we attend to these so well that we forget +all the most vital necessities that should make them of any +importance! However--in this day--nothing matters! Shall I go on +with my own story, or have you heard enough?" + +"Not half enough!" said Catherine Harland, quite suddenly--she had +scarcely spoken before, but she now leaned forward, looking eagerly +interested--"You speak of power over yourself,--do you possess the +same power over others?" + +"Not unless they come into my own circle of action," he answered. +"It would not be worth my while to exert any influence on persons +who are, and ever must be, indifferent to me. I can, of course, +defend myself against enemies--and that without lifting a hand." + +Everyone, save myself, looked at him inquisitively,--but he did not +explain his meaning. He went on very quietly with his own personal +narrative. + +"As I have told you," he said--"I came out of my studies with +Aselzion successfully enough to feel justified in going on with my +work alone. I took up my residence in Egypt in my father's old home- +-a pretty place enough with wide pleasure grounds planted thickly +with palm trees and richly filled with flowers,--and here I +undertook the mastery and comprehension of the most difficult +subject ever propounded for learning--the most evasive, complex, yet +exact piece of mathematics ever set out for solving--Myself! Myself +was my puzzle! How to unite myself with Nature so thoroughly as to +insinuate myself into her secrets,--possess all she could offer me,- +-and yet detach myself from Self so completely as to be ready to +sacrifice all I had gained at a moment's notice should that moment +come." + +"You are paradoxical," said Mr. Harland, irritably. "What's the use +of gaining anything if it is to be lost at a moment's bidding?" + +"It is the only way to hold and keep whatever there is to win," +answered Santoris, calmly--"And the paradox is no greater than that +of 'He that loveth his life shall lose it.' The only 'moment' of +supreme self-surrender is Love--when that comes everything else must +go. Love alone can compass life, perfect it, complete it and carry +it on to eternal happiness. But please bear in mind that I am +speaking of real Love,--not mere physical attraction. The two things +are as different as light from darkness." + +"Is your curious conception or ideal of love the reason, why you +have never married?" asked Brayle, abruptly. + +"Precisely!" replied Santoris. "It is most unquestionably and +emphatically the reason why I have never married." + +There was a pause. I saw Catherine glancing at him with a strange +furtiveness in which there was something of fear. + +"You have never met your ideal, I suppose?" she asked, with a faint +smile. + +"Oh yes, I've met her!" he answered--"Ages ago! On many occasions I +have met her;--sometimes she has estranged herself from me,-- +sometimes she has been torn from me by others--and still more often +I have, through my own folly and obstinacy, separated myself from +her--but our mutual mistakes do no more than delay the inevitable +union at last."--Here he spoke slowly and with marked meaning--"For +it IS an inevitable union!--as inevitable as that of two electrons +which, after spinning in space for certain periods of time, rush +together at last and remain so indissolubly united that nothing can +ever separate them." + +"And then?" queried Dr. Brayle, with an ironical air. + +"Then? Why, everything is possible then! Beauty, perfection, wisdom, +progress, creativeness, and a world--even worlds--of splendid +thought and splendid ideals, bound to lead to still more splendid +realisation! It is not difficult to imagine two brains, two minds +moving so absolutely in unison that like a grand chord of music they +strike harmony through hitherto dumb life-episodes--but think of two +immortal souls full of a love as deathless as themselves, conjoined +in highest effort and superb attainment!--the love of angel for +angel, of god for god! You think this ideal imaginative,-- +transcendental--impossible!--yet I swear to you it is the most REAL +possibility in this fleeting mirage of a world!" + +His voice thrilled with a warmth of feeling and conviction, and as I +heard him speak I trembled inwardly with a sudden remorse--a quick +sense of inferiority and shame. Why could I not let myself go? Why +did I not give the fluttering spirit within me room to expand its +wings? Something opposing,--something inimical to my peace and +happiness held me back--and presently I began to wonder whether I +should attribute it to the influence of those with whom I was +temporarily associated. I was almost confirmed in this impression +when Mr. Harland's voice, harsh and caustic as it could be when he +was irritated or worsted in an argument, broke the momentary +silence. + +"You are more impossible now than you ever were at Oxford, +Santoris!" he said--"You out-transcend all transcendentalism! You +know, or you ought to know by this time, that there is no such thing +as an immortal soul--and if you believe otherwise you have brought +yourself voluntarily into that state of blind credulity. All science +teaches us that we are the mere spawn of the planet on which we +live,--we are here to make the best of it for ourselves and for +others who come after us--and there's an end. What is called Love is +the mere physical attraction between the two sexes--no more,--and it +soon palls. All that we gain we quickly cease to care for--it is the +way of humanity." + +"What a poor creation humanity is, then!" said Santoris, with a +smile--"How astonishing that it should exist at all for no higher +aims than those of the ant or the mouse! My dear Harland, if your +beliefs were really sound we should be bound in common duty and +charity to stop the population of the world altogether--for the +whole business is useless. Useless and even cruel, for it is nothing +but a crime to allow people to be born for no other end than +extinction! However, keep your creeds! I thank Heaven they are not +mine!" + +Mr. Harland gave a slight movement of impatience. I could see that +he was disturbed in his mind. + +"Let's talk of something I can follow," he said--"the personal and +material side of things. Your perennial condition of health, for +example. Your apparent youth--" + +"Oh, is it only 'apparent'?" laughed Santoris, gaily--"Well, to +those who never knew me in my boyhood's days and are therefore never +hurling me back to their 'thirty years or more ago' of friendship, +etc., my youth seems very actual! You see their non-ability to count +up the time I have spent on earth obliges them to accept me at my +own valuation! There's really nothing to explain in the matter. +Everyone can keep young if he understands himself and Nature. If I +were to tell you the literal truth of the process, you would not +believe me,--and even if you did you would not have the patience to +carry it out! But what does it matter after all? If we only live for +the express purpose of dying, the sooner we get the business over +and done with the better--youth itself has no charms under such +circumstances. All the purposes of life, however lofty and nobly +planned, are bound to end in nothingness,--and it is hardly worth +while taking the trouble to breathe the murderous air!" + +He spoke with a kind of passion--his eyes were luminous--his face +transfigured with an almost superhuman glow, and we all looked at +him in something of amazement. + +Mr. Harland fidgeted uneasily in his chair. + +"You go too far!" he said--"Life is agreeable as long as it lasts--" + +"Have you found it so?" Santoris interrupted him. "Has it not, even +in your pursuit and attainment of wealth, brought you more pain than +pleasure? Number up all the possibilities of life, from the +existence of the labourer in his hut to that of the king on his +throne, they are none of them worth striving for or keeping if death +is the ultimate end. Ambition is merest folly,--wealth a temporary +possession of perishable goods which must pass to others,--fame a +brief noise of one's name in mouths that will soon be dumb,--and +love, sex-attraction only. What a treacherous and criminal act, +then, is this Creation of Universes!--what mad folly!--what sheer, +blind, reasonless wickedness!" + +There was a silence. His eyes flashed from one to the other of us. + +"Can you deny it?" he demanded. "Can you find any sane, logical +reason for the continuance of life which is to end in utter +extinction, or for the creation of worlds doomed to eternal +destruction?" + +No one spoke. + +"You have no answer ready," he said--and smiled--"Naturally! For an +answer is impossible! And here you have the key to what you consider +my mystery--the mystery of keeping young instead of growing old--the +secret of living instead of dying! It is simply the conscious +PRACTICAL realisation that there is no Death, but only Change. That +is the first part of the process. Change, or transmutation and +transformation of the atoms and elements of which we are composed, +is going on for ever without a second's cessation,--it began when we +were born and before we were born--and the art of LIVING YOUNG +consists simply in using one's soul and will-power to guide this +process of change towards the ends we desire, instead of leaving it +to blind chance and to the association with inimical influences, +which interfere with our best actions. For example--I--a man in +sound health and condition--realise that with every moment SOME +change is working in me towards SOME end. It rests entirely with +myself as to whether the change shall be towards continuance of +health or towards admission of disease--towards continuance of youth +or towards the encouragement of age,--towards life as it presents +itself to me now, or towards some other phase of life as I perceive +it in the future. I can advance or retard myself as I please--the +proper management of Myself being my business. If I should suffer +pain or illness I am very sure it will be chiefly through my own +fault--if I invite decay and decrepitude, it will be because I allow +these forces to encroach upon my well-being--in fact, briefly--I AM +what I WILL to be!--and all the laws that brought me into existence +support me in this attitude of mind, body and spirit!" + +"If we could all become what we WOULD be," said Dr. Brayle, "we +should attain the millennium!" + +"Are you sure of that?" queried Santoris. "Would it not rather +depend on the particular choice each one of us might make? You, for +example, might wish to be something that would hardly tend to your +happiness,--and your wish being obtained you might become what (if +you had only realised it) you would give worlds not to be! Some men +desire to be thieves--even murderers--and become so--but the end of +their desires is not perhaps what they imagined!" + +"Can you read people's thoughts?" asked Catherine, suddenly. + +Santoris looked amused. He replied by a counter question. + +"Would you be sorry if I could?" + +She flushed a little. I smiled, knowing what was in her mind. + +"It would be a most unpleasant accomplishment--that of reading the +thoughts of others," said Mr. Harland; "I would rather not cultivate +it." "But Mr. Santoris almost implies that he possesses it," said +Dr. Brayle, with a touch of irritation in his manner; "And, after +all, 'thought-reading' is a kind of society amusement nowadays. +There is nothing very difficult in it." + +"Nothing, indeed!" agreed Santoris, lightly; "And being as easy as +it is, why do you not show us at once that antique piece of +jewellery you have in your pocket! You brought it with you this +evening to show to me and ask my opinion of its value, did you not?" + +Brayle's eyes opened in utter amazement. If ever a man was taken +completely by surprise, he was. + +"How did you know?" he began, stammeringly, while Mr. Harland, +equally astonished, stared at him through his round spectacles as +though challenging some defiance. + +Santoris laughed. + +"Thought-reading is only a society amusement, as you have just +observed," he said--"And I have been amusing myself with it for the +last few minutes. Come!--let us see your treasure!" + +Dr. Brayle was thoroughly embarrassed,--but he tried to cover his +confusion by an awkward laugh. + +"Well, you have made a very clever hit!" he said--"Quite a random +shot, of course--which by mere coincidence went to its mark! It's +quite true I have brought with me a curious piece of jewel-work +which I always carry about wherever I go--and something moved me to- +night to ask your opinion of its value, as well as to place its +period. It is old Italian; but even experts are not agreed as to its +exact date." + +He put his hand in his breast pocket and drew out a small silk bag +from which he took with great care a collar of jewels, designed in a +kind of chain-work which made it perfectly flexible. He laid it out +on the table,--and I bit my lip hard to suppress an involuntary +exclamation. For I had seen the thing before--and for the immediate +moment could not realise where, till a sudden flash of light through +the cells of my brain reminded me of that scene of love and death in +the vision of the artist's studio when the name 'Cosmo de Medicis' +had been whispered like an evil omen. The murderer in that dream- +picture had worn a collar of jewels precisely similar to the one I +now saw; but I could only keep silence and listen with every nerve +strained to utmost attention while Santoris took the ornament in his +hand and looked at it with an intent earnestness in which there was +almost a touch of compassion. + +"A beautiful piece of workmanship," he said, at last, slowly, while +Mr. Harland, Catherine, and Swinton the secretary all drew up closer +to him at the table and leaned eagerly forward--"And I should say"-- +here he raised his eyes and looked full at the dark, brooding, +sinister face of Brayle--"I should say that it belonged to the +Medici period. It must have been part of the dress of a nobleman of +that time--the design seems to me to be Florentine. Perhaps if these +jewels could speak they might tell a strange story!--they are +unhappy stones!" + +"Unhappy!" exclaimed Catherine--"You mean unlucky?" + +"No!--there is no such thing as luck," answered Santoris, quietly, +turning the collar over and over in his hands--"Not for either +jewels or men! But there IS unhappiness,--and unhappiness simply +means life being put to wrong uses. I call these gems 'unhappy' +because they have been wrongfully used. A precious stone is a living +thing--it absorbs influences as the earth absorbs light, and these +jewels have absorbed some sense of evil that renders them less +beautiful than they might be. These diamonds and rubies, these +emeralds and sapphires, have not the full lustre of their own true +nature,--they are in the condition of pining flowers. It will take +centuries before they resume their natural brilliancy. There is some +tragedy hidden among them." + +Dr. Brayle looked amused. + +"Well, I can give you no history of them," he said--"A friend of +mine bought the collar from an old Jew curiosity dealer in a back +street of Florence and sent it to me to wear with a Florentine dress +at a fancy dress ball. Curiously enough I chose to represent one of +the Medicis, some artist having told me my features resembled their +type of countenance. That's the chronicle, so far as I am concerned. +I rather liked it on account of its antiquity. I could have sold it +many times over, but I have no desire to part with it." + +"Naturally!"--and Santoris passed on the collar to everyone to +examine--"You feel a sense of proprietorship in it." + +Catherine Harland had the trinket in her hand, and a curious vague +look of terror came over her face as she presently passed it back to +its owner. But she made no remark and it was Mr. Harland who resumed +the conversation. + +"That's an odd idea of yours about unhappy jewels," he said-- +"Perhaps the misfortune attending the possessors of the famous blue +Hope diamond could be traced to some early tragedy connected with +it." + +"Unquestionably!" replied Santoris. "Now look at this!"--and he drew +from his watch pocket a small fine gold chain to which was attached +a moonstone of singular size and beauty, set in a circle of +diamonds--"Here is a sort of talismanic jewel--it has never known +any disastrous influences, nor has it been disturbed by malevolent +surroundings. It is a perfectly happy, unsullied gem! As you see, +the lustre is perfect--as clear as that of a summer moon in heaven. +Yet it is a very old jewel and has seen more than a thousand years +of life." + +We all examined the beautiful ornament, and as I held it in my hand +a moment it seemed to emit tiny sparks of luminance like a flash of +moonlight on rippling waves. + +"Women should take care that their jewels are made happy," he +continued, looking at me with a slight smile, "That is, if they want +them to shine. Nothing that lives is at its best unless it is in a +condition of happiness--a condition which after all is quite easy to +attain." + +"Easy! I should have thought nothing was so difficult!" said Mr. +Harland. + +"Nothing certainly is so difficult in the ordinary way of life men +choose to live," answered Santoris--"For the most part they run +after the shadow and forsake the light. Even in work and the +creative action of thought each ordinary man imagines that his +especial work being all-important, it is necessary for him to +sacrifice everything to it. And he does,--if he is filled with +worldly ambition and selfish concentration; and he produces +something--anything--which frequently proves to be ephemeral as +gossamer dust. It is only when work is the outcome of a great love +and keen sympathy for others that it lasts and keeps its influence. +Now we have talked enough about all these theories, which are not +interesting to anyone who is not prepared to accept them--shall we +go up on deck?" + +We all rose at once, Santoris holding out a box of cigars to the men +to help themselves. Catherine and I preceded them up the saloon +stairs to the deck, which was now like a sheet of silver in the +light shed by one of the loveliest moons of the year. The water +around was sparkling with phosphorescence and the dark mountains +looked higher and more imposing than ever, rising as they seemed to +do sheer up from the white splendour of the sea. I leaned over the +deck rail, gazing down into the deep liquid mirror of stars below, +and my heart was heavy and full of a sense of bitterness and tears. +Catherine had dropped languidly into a chair and was leaning back in +it with a strange, far-away expression on her tired face. Suddenly +she spoke with an almost mournful gentleness. + +"Do you like his theories?" + +I turned towards her enquiringly. + +"I mean, do you like the idea of there being no death and that we +only change from one life to another and so on for ever?" she +continued. "To me it is appalling! Sometimes I think death the +kindest thing that can happen--especially for women." + +I was in the mood to agree with her. I went up to her and knelt down +by her side. + +"Yes!" I said, and I felt the tremor of tears in my voice--"Yes, for +women death often seems very kind! When there is no love and no hope +of love,--when the world is growing grey and the shadows are +deepening towards night,--when the ones we most dearly love misjudge +and mistrust us and their hearts are closed against our tenderness, +then death seems the greatest god of all!--one before whom we may +well kneel and offer up our prayers! Who could, who WOULD live for +ever quite alone in an eternity without love? Oh, how much kinder, +how much sweeter would be utter extinction--" + +My voice broke; and Catherine, moved by some sudden womanly impulse, +put her arm round me. + +"Why, you are crying!" she said, softly. "What is it? You, who are +always so bright and happy!" + +I quickly controlled the weakness of my tears. + +"Yes, it is foolish!" I said--"But I feel to-night as if I had +wasted a good part of my life in useless research,--in looking for +what has been, after all, quite close to my hand,--only that I +failed to see it!--and that I must go back upon the road I thought I +had passed--" + +Here I paused. I saw she could not understand me. + +"Catherine," I went on, abruptly--"Will you let me leave you in a +day or two? I have been quite a fortnight with you on board the +'Diana,' and I think I have had enough holiday. I should like"--and +I looked up at her from where I knelt--"I should like to part from +you while we remain good friends--and I have an idea that perhaps we +shall not agree so well if we learn to know more of each other." + +She bent her eyes upon me with a half-frightened expression. + +"How strange you should think that!" she murmured--"I have felt the +same--and yet I really like you very much--I always liked you--I +wish you would believe it!" + +I smiled. + +"Dear Catherine," I said--"it is no use shutting our eyes to the +fact that while there is something which attracts us to each other, +there is also something which repels. We cannot argue about it or +analyse it. Such mysterious things DO occur,--and they are beyond +our searching out--" + +"But," she interrupted, quickly--"we were not so troubled by these +mysterious things till we met this man Santoris--" + +She broke off, and I rose to my feet, as just then Santoris +approached, accompanied by Mr. Harland and the others. + +"I have suggested giving you a sail by moonlight before you leave," +he said. "It will be an old experience for you under new conditions. +Sailing by moonlight in an ordinary sense is an ordinary thing,--but +sailing by moonlight with the moonlight as part of our motive power +has perhaps a touch of originality." + +As he spoke he made a sign to one of his men who came up to receive +his orders, which were given in too low a tone for us to hear. Easy +deck chairs were placed for all the party, and we were soon seated +in a group together, somewhat silently at first, our attention being +entirely riveted on the wonderful, almost noiseless way in which the +sails of the 'Dream' were unfurled. There was no wind,--the night +was warm and intensely still--the sea absolutely calm. Like broad +white wings, the canvas gradually spread out under the deft, quick +hands of the sailors employed in handling it,--the anchor was drawn +up in the same swift and silent manner--then there came an instant's +pause. Mr. Harland drew his cigar from his mouth and looked up +amazed, as we all did, at the mysterious way in which the sails +filled out, pulling the cordage tightly into bands of iron +strength,--and none of us could restrain an involuntary cry of +wonder and admiration as their whiteness began to glitter with the +radiance of hoar-frost, the strange luminance deepening in intensity +till it seemed as if the whole stretch of canvas from end to end of +the magnificent schooner was a mass of fine jewel-work sparkling +under the moon. + +"Well! However much I disagree with your theories of life, +Santoris," said Mr. Harland,--"I will give you full credit for this +extraordinary yacht of yours! It's the most wonderful thing I ever +saw, and you are a wonderful fellow to have carried out such an +unique application of science. You ought to impart your secret to +the world." + +Santoris laughed lightly. + +"And the world would take a hundred years or more to discuss it, +consider it, deny it, and finally accept it," he said--"No! One +grows tired of asking the world to be either wise or happy. It +prefers its own way--just as I prefer mine. It will discover the +method of sailing without wind, and it will learn how to make every +sort of mechanical progress without steam in time--but not in our +day,--and I, personally, cannot afford to wait while it is slowly +learning its ABC like a big child under protest. You see we're going +now!" + +We were 'going' indeed,--it would have been more correct to say we +were flying. Over the still water our vessel glided like a moving +beautiful shape of white fire, swiftly and steadily, with no sound +save the little hissing murmur of the water cleft under her keel. +And then like a sudden whisper from fairyland came the ripple of +harp-strings, running upward in phrases of exquisite melody, and a +boy's voice, clear, soft and full, began to sing, with a pure +enunciation which enabled us to hear every word: + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + What path of the flashing sea + Seems best for you and me? + No matter the way, + By night or day, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + Into the rosy grace + Of the sun's deep setting-place? + We need not know + How far we go, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + To the glittering rainbow strand + Of Love's enchanted land? + We ask not where + In earth or air, + So long as we sail together! + + Sailing, sailing! Whither? + On to the life divine,-- + Your soul made one with mine! + In Heaven or Hell + All must be well, + So long as we sail together! + +The song finished with a passionate chord which, played as it was +with swift intensity, seemed to awaken a response from the sea,--at +any rate a strange shivering echo trembled upward as it were from +the water and floated into the spacious silence of the night. My +heart beat with uncomfortable quickness and my eyes grew hot with +the weight of suppressed tears;--why could I not escape from the +cruel, restraining force that held my real self prisoner as with +manacles of steel? I could not even speak; and while the others were +clapping their hands in delighted applause at the beauty of both +voice and song, I sat silent. + +"He sings well!" said Santoris--"He is the Eastern lad you saw when +you came on deck this morning. I brought him from Egypt. He will +give us another song presently. Shall we walk a little?" + +We rose and paced the deck slowly, gradually dividing in couples, +Catherine and Dr. Brayle--Mr. Harland and his secretary,--Santoris +and myself. We two paused together at the stern of the vessel +looking towards the bowsprit, which seemed to pierce the distance of +sea and sky like a flying arrow. + +"You wish to speak to me alone," said Santoris, then--"Do you not? +Though I know what you want to say!" + +I glanced at him with a touch of defiance. + +"Then I need not speak," I answered. + +"No, you need not speak, unless you give utterance to what is in +your true soul," he said--"I would rather you did not play at +conventions with me." + +For the moment I felt almost angry. + +"I do not play at conventions," I murmured. + +"Oh, do you not? Is that quite candid?" + +I raised my eyes and met his,--he was smiling. Some of the +oppression in my soul suddenly gave way, and I spoke hurriedly in a +low tone. + +"Surely you know how difficult it is for me?" I said. "Things have +happened so strangely,--and we are surrounded here by influences +that compel conventionality. I cannot speak to you as frankly as I +would under other circumstances. It is easy for YOU to be yourself;- +-you have gained the mastery over all lesser forces than your own. +But with me it is different--perhaps when I am away I shall be able +to think more calmly--" + +"You are going away?" he asked, gently. + +"Yes. It is better so." + +He remained silent. I went on, quickly. + +"I am going away because I feel inadequate and unable to cope with +my present surroundings. I have had some experience of the same +influences before--I know I have--" + +"I also!" he interrupted. + +"Well, you must realise this better than I," and I looked at him now +with greater courage--"and if you have, you know they have led to +trouble. I want you to help me." + +"I? To help you?" he said. "How can I help you when you leave me?" + +There was something infinitely sad in his voice,--and the old fear +came over me like a chill--'lest I should lose what I had gained!' + +"If I leave you," I said, tremblingly--"I do so because I am not +worthy to be with you! Oh, can you not see this in me?" For as I +spoke he took my hand in his and held it with a kindly clasp--"I am +so self-willed, so proud, so unworthy! There are a thousand things I +would say to you, but I dare not--not here, or now!" + +"No one will approach us," he said, still holding my hand--"I am +keeping the others, unconsciously to themselves, at a distance till +you have finished speaking. Tell me some of these thousand things!" + +I looked up at him and saw the deep lustre of his eyes filled with a +great tenderness. He drew me a little closer to his side. + +"Tell me," he persisted, softly--"Is there very much that we do not, +if we are true to each other, know already?" + +"YOU know more than I do!" I answered--"And I want to be equal with +you! I do! I cannot be content to feel that I am groping in the dark +weakly and blindly while you are in the light, strong and self- +contained! You can help me--and you WILL help me! You will tell me +where I should go and study as you did with Aselzion!" + +He started back, amazed. + +"With Aselzion! Dear, forgive me! You are a woman! It is impossible +that you should suffer so great an ordeal,--so severe a strain! And +why should you attempt it? If you would let me, I would be +sufficient for you." "But I will not let you!" I said, quickly, +roused to a kind of defiant energy--"I wish to go to the very source +of your instruction, and then I shall see where I stand with regard +to you! If I stay here now--" + +"It will be the same old story over again!" he said--"Love--and +mistrust! Then drifting apart in the same weary way! Is it not +possible to avoid the errors of the past?" + +"No!" I said, resolutely--"For me it is not possible! I cannot yield +to my own inward promptings. They offer me too much happiness! I +doubt the joy,--I fear the glory!" + +My voice trembled--the very clasp of his hand unnerved me. + +"I will tell you," he said, after a brief pause, "what you feel. You +are perfectly conscious that between you and myself there is a tie +which no power, earthly or heavenly, can break,--but you are living +in a matter-of-fact world with matter-of-fact persons, and the +influence they exert is to make you incredulous of the very truths +which are an essential part of your spiritual existence. I +understand all this. I understand also why you wish to go to the +House of Aselzion, and you shall go--" + +I uttered an exclamation of relief and pleasure. His eyes grew dark +with earnest gravity as he looked at me. + +"You are pleased at what you cannot realise," he said, slowly--"If +you go to the House of Aselzion--and I see you are determined--it +will be a matter of such vital import that it can only mean one of +two things,--your entire happiness or your entire misery. I cannot +contemplate with absolute calmness the risk you run,--and yet it is +better that you should follow the dictates of your own soul than be +as you are now--irresolute,--uncertain of yourself and ready to lose +all you have gained!" + +'To lose all I have gained.' The old insidious terror! I met his +searching gaze imploringly. + +"I must not lose anything!" I said, and my voice sank lower,--"I +cannot bear--to lose YOU!" + +His hand closed on mine with a tighter grasp. + +"Yet you doubt!" he said, softly. + +"I must KNOW!" I said, resolutely. + +He lifted his head with a proud gesture that was curiously familiar +to me. + +"So the old spirit is not dead in you, my queen," he said, smiling. +"The old indomitable will!--the desire to probe to the very centre +of things! Yet love defies analysis,--and is the only thing that +binds the Universe together. A fact beyond all proving--a truth +which cannot be expounded by any given rule or line but which is the +most emphatic force of life! My queen, it is a force that must +either bend or break you!" + +I made no reply. He still held my hand, and we looked out together +on the shining expanse of the sea where there was no vessel visible +and where our schooner alone flew over the watery, moonlit surface +like a winged flame. + +"In your working life," he continued, gently, "you have done much. +You have thought clearly, and you have not been frightened away from +any eternal fact by the difficulties of research. But in your living +life you have missed more than you will care to know. You have been +content to remain a passive recipient of influences--you have not +thoroughly learned how to combine and use them. You have overcome +altogether what are generally the chief obstacles in the way of a +woman's higher progress,--her inherent childishness--her delight in +imagining herself wronged or neglected,--her absurd way of attaching +weighty importance to the merest trifles--her want of balance, and +the foolish resentment she feels at being told any of her faults,-- +this is all past in you, and you stand free of the shackles of sheer +stupidity which makes so many women impossible to deal with from a +man's standpoint, and which renders it almost necessary for men to +estimate them at a low intellectual standard. For even in the +supreme passion of love, millions of women are only capable of +understanding its merely physical side, while the union of soul with +soul is never consummated: + + Where is that love supreme + In which souls meet? Where is it satisfied? + En-isled on heaving sands + Of lone desire, spirit to spirit cries, + While float across the skies + Bright phantoms of fair lands, + Where fancies fade not and where dreams abide." + +His voice dropped to the softest musical cadence, and I looked up. +He answered my look. + +"Dear one!" he said, "You shall go to the House of Aselzion, and +with you will be the future!" + +He let go my hand very gently--I felt a sudden sense of utter +loneliness. + +"You do not--you will not misjudge me?" I said. + +"I! Dear, I have made so many errors of judgment in the past and I +have lost you so many times, that I shall do nothing now which might +lose you again!" + +He smiled, and for one moment I was impelled to throw hesitation to +the winds and say all that I knew in my inmost self ought to be +said,--but my rebellious will held me back, and I remained silent,-- +while he turned away and rejoined the rest of the party, with whom +he was soon chatting in such a cheery, easy fashion that they +appeared to forget that there was anything remarkable about him or +about his wonderful vessel, which had now turned on her course and +was carrying us back to Loch Scavaig at a speed which matched the +fleetest wind. When she arrived at her former anchorage just +opposite the 'Diana,' we saw that all the crew of Mr. Harland's +yacht were on deck watching our movements, which must have been well +worth watching considering what an amazing spectacle the 'Dream' +made of herself and her glittering sails against the dark loch and +mountains,--so brilliant indeed as almost to eclipse the very moon. +But the light began to pale as soon as we dropped anchor, and very +soon faded out completely, whereupon the sailors hauled down canvas, +uttering musical cries as they pulled and braced it together. This +work done, they retired, and a couple of servants waited upon our +party, bringing wine and fruit as a parting refreshment before we +said good-night,--and once again the sweet voice of the Egyptian boy +singer smote upon our ears, with a prelude of harp-strings: + +Good-night,--farewell! If it should chance that nevermore we meet, +Remember that the hours we spent together here were sweet! + +Good-night,--farewell! If henceforth different ways of life we wend, +Remember that I sought to walk beside you to the end! + +Good-night,--farewell! When present things are merged into the past, +Remember that I love you and shall love you to the last! + +My heart beat with a quick and sudden agony of pain--was it, could +it be true that I was of my own accord going to sever myself from +one whom I knew,--whom I felt--to be all in all to me? + +"Good-night!" said a low voice close to my ear. + +I started. I had lost myself in a wilderness of thought and memory. +Santoris stood beside me. + +"Your friends are going," he said,--"and I too shall be gone to- +morrow!" + +A wave of desolation overcame me. + +"Ah, no!" I exclaimed--"Surely you will not go--" + +"I must," he answered, quietly,--"Are not YOU going? It has been a +joy to meet you, if only for a little while--a pause in the +journey,--an attempt at an understanding!--though you have decided +that we must part again." + +I clasped my hands together in a kind of desperation. + +"What can I do?" I murmured--"If I yielded now to my own impulses--" + +"Ah! If you did"--he said, wistfully--"But you will not; and +perhaps, after all, it is better so. It is no doubt intended that +you should be absolutely certain of yourself this time. And I will +not stand in the way. Good-night,--and farewell!" + +I looked at him with a smile, though the tears were in my eyes. + +"I will not say farewell!" I answered. + +He raised my hands lightly to his lips. + +"That is kind of you!" he said--"and to-morrow you shall hear from +me about Aselzion and the best way for you to see him. He is +spending the summer in Europe, which is fortunate for you, as you +will not have to make so far a journey." + +We broke off our conversation here as the others joined us,--and in +a very little while we had left the 'Dream' and were returning to +our own yacht. To the last, as the motor launch rushed with us +through the water, I kept my eyes fixed on the reposeful figure of +Santoris, who with folded arms on the deck rail of his vessel, +watched our departure. Should I never see him again, I wondered? +What was the strange impulse that had more or less moved my spirit +to a kind of opposition against his, and made me so determined to +seek out for myself the things that he assumed to have mastered? I +could not tell. I only knew that from the moment he had begun to +relate the personal narrative of his own studies and experiences, I +had resolved to go through the same training whatever it was, and +learn what he had learned, if such a thing were possible. I did not +think I should succeed so well,--but some new knowledge I felt I +should surely gain. The extraordinary attraction he exercised over +me was growing too strong to resist, yet I was determined not to +yield to it because I doubted both its cause and its effect. Love, I +knew, could not, as he had said, be analysed--but the love I had +always dreamed of was not the love with which the majority of +mankind are content--the mere physical delight which ends in +satiety. It was something not only for time, but for eternity. Away +from Santoris I found it quite easy to give myself up to the dream +of joy which shone before me like the mirage of a promised land,-- +but in his company I felt as though something held me back and +warned me to beware of too quickly snatching at a purely personal +happiness. + +We reached the 'Diana' in a very few minutes--we had made the little +journey almost in silence, for my companions were, or appeared to +be, as much lost in thought as I was. As we descended to our cabins +Mr. Harland drew me back and detained me alone for a moment. + +"Santoris is going away to-morrow," he said--"He will probably have +set those wonderful sails of his and flown before daybreak. I'm +sorry!" + +"So am I," I answered--"But, after all--you would hardly want him to +stay, would you? His theories of life are very curious and +upsetting, and you all think him a sort of charlatan playing with +the mysteries of earth and heaven! If he is able to read thoughts, +he cannot be altogether flattered at the opinion held of him by Dr. +Brayle, for example!" + +Mr. Harland's brows knitted perplexedly. + +"He says he could cure me of my illness," he went on,--"and Brayle +declares that a cure is impossible." + +"You prefer to believe Brayle, of course?" I queried. + +"Brayle is a physician of note," he replied,--"A man who has taken +his degree in medicine and knows what he is talking about. Santoris +is merely a mystic." + +I smiled a little sadly. + +"I see!" And I held out my hand to say good-night. "He is a century +before his time, and maybe it is better to die than forestall a +century." + +Mr. Harland laughed as he pressed my hand cordially. + +"Enigmatical, as usual!" he said--"You and Santoris ought to be +congenial spirits!" + +"Perhaps we are!" I answered, carelessly, as I left him;--"Stranger +things than that have happened!" + + + + +XII + +A LOVE-LETTER + + +To those who are ignorant of, or indifferent to, the psychic forces +working behind all humanity and creating the causes which evolve +into effect, it cannot but seem strange,--even eccentric and +abnormal,--that any one person, or any two persons for that matter, +should take the trouble to try and ascertain the immediate intention +and ultimate object of their lives. The daily routine of ordinary +working, feeding and sleeping existence, varied by little social +conventions and obligations which form a kind of break to the +persistent monotony of the regular treadmill round, should be, they +think, sufficient for any sane, well-balanced, self-respecting +creature,--and if a man or woman elects to stand out of the common +ruck and say: "I refuse to live in a chaos of uncertainties--I will +endeavour to know why my particular atom of self is considered a +necessary, if infinitesimal, part of the Universe,"--such an one is +looked upon with either distrust or derision. In matters of love +especially, where the most ill-assorted halves persist in fitting +themselves together as if they could ever make a perfect whole, a +woman is considered foolish if she gives her affections where it is +'not expedient'--and a man is looked upon as having 'ruined his +career' if he allows a great passion to dominate him, instead of a +calm, well-weighed, respectable sort of sentiment which has its +fitting end in an equally calm, well-weighed, respectable marriage. +These are the laws and observances of social order, excellent in +many respects, but frequently responsible for a great bulk of the +misery attendant upon many forms of human relationship. It is not, +however, possible to the ordinary mind to realise that somewhere and +somehow, every two component parts of a whole MUST come together, +sooner or later, and that herein may be found the key to most of the +great love tragedies of the world. The wrong halves mated,--the +right halves finding each other out and rushing together recklessly +and inopportunely because of the resistless Law which draws them +together,--this is the explanation of many a life's disaster and +despair, as well as of many a life's splendid attainment and +victory. And the trouble or the triumph, whichever it be, will never +be lessened till human beings learn that in love, which is the +greatest and most divine Force on earth or in heaven, the Soul, not +the body, must first be considered, and that no one can fulfil the +higher possibilities of his or her nature, till each individual unit +is conjoined with that only other portion of itself which is as one +with it in thought and in the intuitive comprehension of its higher +needs. + +I knew all this well enough, and had known it for years, and it was +hardly necessary for me to dwell upon it, as I sat alone in my cabin +that night, too restless to sleep, and, almost too uneasy even to +think. What had happened to me was simply that I had by a curious +chance or series of chances been brought into connection again with +the individual Soul of a man whom I had known and loved ages ago. To +the psychist, such a circumstance does not seem as strange as it is +to the great majority of people who realise no greater force than +Matter, and who have no comprehension of Spirit, and no wish to +comprehend it, though even the dullest of these often find +themselves brought into contact with persons whom they feel they +have met and known before, and are unable to understand why they +receive such an impression. In my case I had not only to consider +the one particular identity which seemed so closely connected with +my own--but also the other individuals with whom I had become more +or less reluctantly associated,--Catherine Harland and Dr. Brayle +especially. Mr. Harland had, unconsciously to himself, been merely +the link to bring the broken bits of a chain together--his +secretary, Mr. Swinton, occupied the place of the always necessary +nonentity in a group of intellectually or psychically connected +beings,--and I was perfectly sure, without having any actual reason +for my conviction, that if I remained much longer in Catherine +Harland's company, her chance liking for me would turn into the old +hatred with which she had hated me in a bygone time,--a hatred +fostered by Dr. Brayle, who, plainly scheming to marry her and +secure her fortune, considered me in the way (as I was) of the +influence he desired to exercise over her and her father. Therefore +it seemed necessary I should remove myself,--moreover, I was +resolved that all the years I had spent in trying to find the way to +some of Nature's secrets should not be wasted--I would learn, I too, +what Rafel Santoris had learned in the House of Aselzion--and then +we might perhaps stand on equal ground, sure of ourselves and of +each other! So ran my thoughts in the solitude and stillness of the +night--a solitude and stillness so profound that the gentle push of +the water against the sides of the yacht, almost noiseless as it +was, sounded rough and intrusive. My port-hole was open, and I could +see the sinking moon showing through it like a white face in sorrow. +Just then I heard a low splash as of oars. I started up and went to +the sofa, where, by kneeling on the cushions. I could look through +the porthole. There, gliding just beneath me, was a small boat, and +my heart gave a sudden leap of joy as I recognised the man who rowed +it as Santoris. He smiled as I looked down,--then, standing up in +the boat, guided himself alongside, till his head was nearly on a +level with the port-hole. He put one hand on its edge. + +"Not asleep yet!" he said, softly--"What have you been thinking of? +The moon and the sea?--or any other mystery as deep and +incomprehensible?" + +I stretched out my hand and laid it on his with an involuntary +caressing touch. + +"I could not leave you without another last word,"--he said--"And I +have brought you a letter"--he gave me a sealed envelope as he +spoke--"which will tell you how to find Aselzion. I myself will +write to him also and prepare him for your arrival. When you do see +him you will understand how difficult is the task you wish to +undertake,--and, if you should fail, the failure will be a greater +sadness to yourself than to me--for I could make things easier for +you--" + +"I do not want things made easy for me,"--I answered quickly--"I +want to do all that you have done--I want to prove myself worthy at +least--" + +I broke off,--and looked down into his eyes. He smiled. + +"Well!" he said--"Are you beginning to remember the happiness we +have so often thrown away for a trifle?" + +I was silent, though I folded my hand closer over his. The soft +white sleepy radiance of the moon on the scarcely moving water +around us made everything look dream-like and unreal, and I was +hardly conscious of my own existence for the moment, so completely +did it seem absorbed by some other influence stronger than any power +I had ever known. + +"Here are we two,"--he continued, softly--"alone with the night and +each other, close to the verge of a perfect understanding--and yet-- +determined NOT to understand! How often that happens! Every moment, +every hour, all over the world, there are souls like ours, barred +severally within their own shut gardens, refusing to open the doors! +They talk over the walls, through the chinks and crannies, and peep +through the keyholes--but they will not open the doors. How +fortunate am I to-night to find even a port-hole open!" + +He turned up his face, full of light and laughter, to mine, and I +thought then, how easy it would be to fling away all my doubts and +scruples, give up the idea of making any more search for what +perhaps I should never find, and take the joy which seemed proffered +and the love which my heart knew was its own to claim! Yet something +still pulled me back, and not only pulled me back, but on and away-- +something which inwardly told me I had much to learn before I dared +accept a happiness I had not deserved. Nevertheless some of my +thoughts found sudden speech. + +"Rafel--" I began, and then paused, amazed at my own boldness in +thus addressing him. He drew closer to me, the boat he stood in +swaying under him. + +"Go on!" he said, with a little tremor in his voice--"My name never +sounded so sweetly in my own ears! What is it you would have me do?" + +"Nothing!" I answered, half afraid of myself as I spoke--"Nothing-- +but this. Just to think that I am not merely wilful or rebellious in +parting from you for a little while--for if it is true--" + +"If what is true?" he interposed, gently. + +"If it is true that we are friends not for a time but for eternity"- +-I said, in steadier tones--"then it can only be for a little while +that we shall be separated. And then afterwards I shall be quite +sure--" + +"Yes--quite sure of what you are sure of now!" he said--"As sure as +any immortal creature can be of an immortal truth! Do you know how +long we have been separated already?" + +I shook my head, smiling a little. + +"Well, I will not tell you!" he answered--"It might frighten you! +But by all the powers of earth and heaven, we shall not traverse +such distances apart again--not if I can prevent it!" + +"And can you?" I asked, half wistfully. + +"I can! And I will! For I am stronger than you--and the strongest +wins! Your eyes look startled--there are glimpses of the moon in +them, and they are soft eyes--not angry ones. I have seen them full +of anger,--an anger that stabbed me to the heart!--but that was in +the days gone by, when I was weaker than you. This time the position +has changed--and _I_ am master!" + +"Not yet!" I said, resolutely, withdrawing my hand from his--"I +yield to nothing--not even to happiness--till I KNOW!" + +A slight shadow darkened the attractiveness of his features. + +"That is what the world says of God--'I will not yield till I know!' +But it is as plastic clay in His hands, all the time, and it never +knows!" + +I was silent--and there was a pause in which no sound was heard but +the movement of the water under the little boat in which he stood. +Then-- + +"Good-night!" he said. + +"Good-night!" I answered, and moved by a swift impulse, I stooped +and kissed the firm hand that rested so near me, gripping the edge +of the port-hole. He looked up with a sudden light in his eyes. + +"Is that a sign of grace and consolation?" he asked, smiling--"Well! +I am content! And I have waited so long that I can wait yet a little +longer." + +So speaking, he let go his hold from alongside the yacht, and in +another minute had seated himself in the boat and was rowing away +across the moonlit water. I watched him as every stroke of the oars +widened the distance between us, half hoping that he might look +back, wave his hand, or even return again--but no!--his boat soon +vanished like a small black speck on the sea, and I knew myself to +be left alone. Restraining with difficulty the tears that rose to my +eyes, I shut the port-hole and drew its little curtain across it-- +then I sat down to read the letter he had left with me. It ran as +follows: + +Beloved,-- + +I call you by this name as I have always called you through many +cycles of time,--it should sound upon your ears as familiarly as a +note of music struck in response to another similar note in far +distance. You are not satisfied with the proofs given you by your +own inner consciousness, which testify to the unalterable fact that +you and I are, and must be, as one,--that we have played with fate +against each other, and sometimes striven to escape from each other, +all in vain;--it is not enough for you to know (as you do know) that +the moment our eyes met our spirits rushed together in a sudden +ecstasy which, had we dared to yield to it, would have outleaped +convention and made of us no more than two flames in one fire! If +you are honest with yourself as I am honest with myself, you will +admit that this is so,--that the emotion which overwhelmed us was +reasonless, formless and wholly beyond all analysis, yet more +insistent than any other force having claim on our lives. But it is +not sufficient for you to realise this,--or to trace through every +step of the journey you have made, the gradual leading of your soul +to mine,--from that last night you passed in your own home, when +every fibre of your being grew warm with the prescience of coming +joy, to this present moment, even through dreams of infinite +benediction in which I shared--no!--it is not sufficient for you!-- +you must 'know'--you must learn--you must probe into deeper +mysteries, and study and suffer to the last! Well, if it must be so, +it must,--and I shall rely on the eternal fitness of things to save +you from your own possible rashness and bring you back to me,--for +without you now I can do nothing more. I have done much--and much +remains to be done--but if I am to attain, you must crown the +attainment--if my ambition is to find completion, you alone can be +its completeness. If you have the strength and the courage to face +the ordeal through which Aselzion sends those who seek to follow his +teaching, you will indeed have justified your claim to be considered +higher than merest woman,--though you have risen above that level +already. The lives of women generally, and of men too, are so small +and sordid and self-centred, thanks to their obstinate refusal to +see anything better or wider than their own immediate outlook, that +it is hardly worth while considering them in the light of that +deeper knowledge which teaches of the REAL life behind the seeming +one. In the ordinary way of existence men and women meet and mate +with very little more intelligence or thought about it than the +lower animals; and the results of such meeting and mating are seen +in the degenerate and dying nations of to-day. Moreover, they are +content to be born for no other visible reason than to die--and no +matter how often they may be told there is no such thing as death, +they receive the assertion with as much indignant incredulity as the +priesthood of Rome received Galileo's assurance that the earth moves +round the sun. But we--you and I--who know that life, being ALL +Life, CANNOT die,--ought to be wiser in our present space of time +than to doubt each other's infinite capability for love and the +perfect world of beauty which love creates. _I_ do not doubt--my +doubting days are past, and the whips of sorrow have lashed me into +shape as well as into strength, but YOU hesitate,--because you have +been rendered weak by much misunderstanding. However, it has +partially comforted me to place the position fully before you, and +having done this I feel that you must be free to go your own way. I +do not say 'I love you!'--such a phrase from me would be merest +folly, knowing that you must be mine, whether now or at the end of +many more centuries. Your soul is deathless as mine is--it is +eternally young, as mine is,--and the force that gives us life and +love is divine and indestructible, so that for us there can be no +end to the happiness which is ours to claim when we will. For the +rest I leave you to decide--you will go to the House of Aselzion and +perhaps you will remain there some time,--at any rate when you +depart from thence you will have learned much, and you will know +what is best for yourself and for me. + +My beloved, I commend you to God with all my adoring soul and am + +Your lover, Rafel Santoris + +A folded paper fell out of this letter,--it contained full +instructions as to the way I should go on the journey I intended to +make to the mysterious House of Aselzion--and I was glad to find +that I should not have to travel as far as I had at first imagined. +I began at once to make my plans for leaving the Harlands as soon as +possible, and before going to bed I wrote to my friend Francesca, +who I knew would certainly expect me to visit her in Inverness-shire +as soon as my cruise in the Harlands' yacht was over, and briefly +stated that business of an important nature called me abroad for two +or three weeks, but that I fully anticipated being at home in +England again before the end of October. As it was now just verging +on the end of August, I thought I was allowing myself a fairly wide +margin for absence. When I had folded and sealed my letter ready for +posting, an irresistible sense of sleep came over me, and I yielded +to it gratefully. I found myself too overcome by it even to think,-- +and I laid my head down upon the pillows with a peaceful +consciousness that all was well,--that all would be well--and that +in trying to make sure of the intentions of Fate towards me both in +life and love, I could not be considered as altogether foolish. Of +course, judged by the majority of people, I know I am already +counted as worse than foolish for the impressions and experiences I +here undertake to narrate, but that kind of judgment does not affect +me, seeing that their own daily and hourly folly is so visibly +pronounced and has such unsatisfactory and frequently disastrous +results, that mine--if it indeed be folly to choose lasting and +eternal things rather than ephemeral and temporal ones,--cannot but +seem light in comparison. Love, as the world generally conceives of +it, is hardly worth having--for if we become devoted to persons who +must in time be severed from us by death or other causes, we have +merely wasted the wealth of our affections. Only as a perfect, +eternal, binding force is love of any value,--and unless one can be +sure in one's own self that there is the strength and truth and +courage to make it thus perfect, eternal and binding, it is better +to have nothing to do with what after all is the divinest of divine +passions,--the passion of creativeness, from which springs all +thought, all endeavour, all accomplishment. + +When I woke the next morning I did not need to be told that the +'Dream' had set her wonderful sails and flown. A sense of utter +desolation was in the air, and my own loneliness was impressed upon +me with overwhelming bitterness and force. It was a calm, brilliant +morning, and when I went up on deck the magnificent scenery of Loch +Scavaig was, to my thinking, lessened in effect by the excessive +glare of the sun. The water was smooth as oil, and where the 'Dream' +had been anchored, showing her beautiful lines and tapering spars +against the background of the mountains, there was now a dreary +vacancy. The whole scene looked intolerably dull and lifeless, and I +was impatient to be away from it. I said as much at breakfast, a +meal at which Catherine Harland never appeared, and where I was +accustomed to take the head of the table, at Mr. Harland's request, +to dispense the tea and coffee. Dr. Brayle seemed malignly amused at +my remark. + +"The interest of the place has evidently vanished with Mr. Santoris, +so far as you are concerned!" he said--"He is certainly a remarkable +man, and owns a remarkable yacht--but beyond that I am not sure that +his room is not better than his company." + +"I daresay you feel it so,"--said Mr. Harland, who had for some +moments been unusually taciturn and preoccupied--"Your theories are +diametrically opposed to his, and, for that matter, so are mine. But +I confess I should like to have tested his medical skill--he assured +me positively that he could cure me of my illness in three months." + +"Why do you not let him try?" suggested Brayle, with an air of +forced lightness--"He will be a man of miracles if he can cure what +the whole medical profession knows to be incurable. But I'm quite +willing to retire in his favour, if you wish it." + +Mr. Harland's bristling eyebrows met over his nose in a saturnine +frown. + +"Well, are you willing?" he said--"I rather doubt it! And if you +are, I'm not. I've no faith in mysticism or psychism of any kind. It +bores me to think about it. And nothing has puzzled me at all +concerning Santoris except his extraordinarily youthful appearance. +That is a problem to me,--and I should like to solve it." + +"He looks about thirty-eight or forty,"--said Brayle, "And I should +say that is his age." "That his age!" Mr. Harland gave a short, +derisive laugh--"Why, he's over sixty if he's a day! That's the +mystery of it. There is not a touch of 'years' about him. Instead of +growing old, he grows young." + +Brayle looked up quizzically at his patron. + +"I've already hinted," he said, "that he may not be the Santoris you +knew at Oxford. He may be a relative, cleverly masquerading as the +original man--" + +"That won't stand a moment's argument," interposed Mr. Harland--"And +I'll tell you how I know it won't. We had a quarrel once, and I +slashed his arm with a clasp-knife pretty heavily." Here a sudden +quiver of something,--shame or remorse perhaps--came over his hard +face and changed its expression for a moment. "It was all my fault-- +I had a devilish temper, and he was calm--his calmness irritated +me;--moreover, I was drunk. Santoris knew I was drunk,--and he +wanted to get me home to my rooms and to bed before I made too great +a disgrace of myself--then--THAT happened. I remember the blood +pouring from his arm--it frightened me and sobered me. Well, when he +came on board here the other night he showed me the scar of the very +wound I had inflicted. So I know he's the same man." + +We all sat silent. + +"He was always studying the 'occult'"--went on Mr. Harland--"And I +was scarcely surprised that he should 'think out' that antique piece +of jewellery from your pocket last night. He actually told me it +belonged to you ages ago, when you were quite another and more +important person!" + +Dr. Brayle laughed loudly, almost boisterously. + +"What a fictionist the man must be!" he exclaimed. "Why doesn't he +write a novel? Mr. Swinton, I wish you would take a few notes for me +of what Mr. Santoris said about that collar of jewels,--I should +like to keep the record." + +Mr. Swinton smiled an obliging assent. + +"I certainly will,"--he said. "I was fortunately present when Mr. +Santoris expressed his curious ideas about the jewels to Mr. +Harland." + +"Oh, well, if you are going to record it,"--said Mr. Harland, half +laughingly--"you had better be careful to put it all down. The +collar--according to Santoris--belonged to Dr. Brayle when his +personality was that of an Italian nobleman residing in Florence +about the year 1537--he wore it on one unfortunate occasion when he +murdered a man, and the jewels have not had much of a career since +that period. Now they have come back into his possession--" + +"Father, who told you all this?" + +The voice was sharp and thin, and we turned round amazed to see +Catherine standing in the doorway of the saloon, white and +trembling, with wild eyes looking as though they saw ghosts. Dr. +Brayle hastened to her. + +"Miss Harland, pray go back to your cabin--you are not strong +enough--" + +"What's the matter, Catherine?" asked her father--"I'm only +repeating some of the nonsense Santoris told me about that collar of +jewels--" + +"It's not nonsense!" cried Catherine. "It's all true! I remember it +all--we planned the murder together--he and I!"--and she pointed to +Dr. Brayle--" I told him how the lovers used to meet in secret,--the +poor hunted things!--how he--that great artist he patronised--came +to her room from the garden entrance at night, and how they talked +for hours behind the rose-trees in the avenue--and she--she!--I +hated her because I thought you loved her--YOU!" and again she +turned to Dr. Brayle, clutching at his arm--"Yes--I thought you +loved her!--but she--she loved HIM!--and--" here she paused, +shuddering violently, and seemed to lose herself in chaotic ideas-- +"And so the yacht has gone, and there is peace!--and perhaps we +shall forget again!--we were allowed to forget for a little while, +but it has all come back to haunt and terrify us--" + +And with these words, which broke off in a kind of inarticulate cry, +she sank downward in a swoon, Dr. Brayle managing to save her from +falling quite to the ground. + +Everything was at once in confusion, and while the servants were +busy hurrying to and fro for cold water, smelling salts and other +reviving cordials, and Catherine was being laid on the sofa and +attended to by Dr. Brayle, I slipped away and went up on deck, +feeling myself quite overpowered and bewildered by the suddenness +and strangeness of the episodes in which I had become involved. In a +minute or two Mr. Harland followed me, looking troubled and +perplexed. + +"What does all this mean?" he said--"I am quite at a loss to +understand Catherine's condition. She is hysterical, of course,--but +what has caused it? What mad idea has she got into her head about a +murder?" + +I looked away from him across the sunlit expanse of sea. + +"I really cannot tell you," I said, at last--"I am quite as much in +the dark as you are. I think she is overwrought, and that she has +perhaps taken some of the things Mr. Santoris said too much to +heart. Then"--here I hesitated--"she said the other day that she was +tired of this yachting trip--in fact, I think it is simply a case of +nerves." + +"She must have very odd nerves if they persuade her to believe that +she and Brayle committed a murder together ages ago"--said Mr. +Harland, irritably;--"I never heard of such nonsense in all my +life!" + +I was silent. + +"I have told Captain Derrick to weigh anchor and get out of this,"-- +he continued, brusquely. "We shall make for Portree at once. There +is something witch-like and uncanny about the place"--and he looked +round as he spoke at the splendour of the mountains, shining with +almost crystalline clearness in the glory of the morning sun--"I +feel as if it were haunted!" + +"By what?" I asked. + +"By memories," he answered--"And not altogether pleasant ones!" + +I looked at him, and a moment's thought decided me that the +opportunity had come for me to broach the subject of my intended +departure, and I did so. I said that I felt I had allowed myself +sufficient holiday, and that it would be necessary for me to take +the ordinary steamer from Portree the morning after our arrival +there in order to reach Glasgow as soon as possible. Mr. Harland +surveyed me inquisitively. + +"Why do you want to go by the steamer?" he asked--"Why not go with +us back to Rothesay, for example?" + +"I would rather lose no time,"--I said--then I added impulsively:-- +"Dear Mr. Harland, Catherine will be much better when I am gone--I +know she will! You will be able to prolong the yachting trip which +will benefit your health,--and I should be really most unhappy if +you curtailed it on my account--" + +He interrupted me. + +"Why do you say that Catherine will be better when you are gone?" he +demanded--"It was her own most particular wish that you should +accompany us." + +"She did not know what moved her to such a desire," I said,--then, +seeing his look of astonishment, I smiled; "I am not a congenial +spirit to her, nor to any of you, really! but she has been most +kind, and so have you--and I thank you ever so much for all you have +done for me--you have done much more than you know!--only I feel it +is better to go now--now, before--" + +"Before what?" he asked. + +"Well, before we all hate each other!" I said, playfully--"It is +quite on the cards that we shall come to that! Dr. Brayle thinks my +presence quite as harmful to Catherine as that of Mr. Santoris;--I +am full of 'theories' which he considers prejudicial,--and so, +perhaps, they ARE--to HIM!" + +Mr. Harland drew closer to me where I stood leaning against the deck +rail and spoke in a lower tone. + +"Tell me," he said,--"and be perfectly frank about it--what is it +you see in Brayle that rouses such a spirit of antagonism in you?" + +"If I give you a straight answer, such as I feel to be the truth in +myself, will you be offended?" I asked. + +He shook his head. + +"No"--he answered--"I shall not be offended. I simply want to know +what you think, and I shall remember what you say and see if it +proves correct." + +"Well, in the first place," I said--"I see nothing in Dr. Brayle but +what can be seen in hundreds of worldly-minded men such as he. But +he is not a true physician, for he makes no real effort to cure you +of your illness, while Catherine has no illness at all that demands +a cure. He merely humours the weakness of her nerves, a weakness she +has created by dwelling morbidly on her own self and her own +particular miseries,--and all his future plans with regard to her +and to you are settled. They are quite clear and reasonable. You +will die,--in fact, it is, in his opinion, necessary for you to +die,--it would be very troublesome and inconvenient to him if, by +some chance, you were cured, and continued to live. When you are +gone he will marry Catherine, your only child and heiress, and he +will have no further personal anxieties. I dislike this self-seeking +attitude on his part, and my only wonder is that you do not perceive +it. For the rest, my antagonism to Dr. Brayle is instinctive and has +its origin far back--perhaps in a bygone existence!" + +He listened to my words with attentive patience. + +"Well, I shall study the man more carefully,"--he said, after a +pause;--"You may be right. At present I think you are wrong. As for +any cure for me, I know there is none. I have consulted medical +works on the subject and am perfectly convinced that Brayle is doing +his best. He can do no more. And now one word to yourself;"--here he +laid a hand kindly on mine--"I have noticed--I could not help +noticing that you were greatly taken by Santoris--and I should +almost have fancied him rather fascinated by you had I not known him +to be absolutely indifferent to womenkind. But let me tell you he is +not a safe friend or guide for anyone. His theories are extravagant +and impossible--his idea that there is no death, for example, when +death stares us in the face every day, is perfectly absurd--and he +is likely to lead you into much perplexity, the more so as you are +too much of a believer in occult things already. I wish I could +persuade you to listen to me seriously on one or two points--" + +I smiled. "I am listening!" I said. + +"Well, child, you listen perhaps, but you are not convinced. +Realise, if you can, that these fantastic chimeras of a past and +future life exist only in the heated imagination of the abnormal +idealist. There is nothing beyond our actual sight and immediate +living consciousness;--we know we are born and that we die--but why, +we cannot tell and never shall be able to tell. We must try and +manage the 'In-Between,'--the gap dividing birth and death,--as best +we can, and that's all. I wish you would settle down to these facts +reasonably--you would be far better balanced in mind and action--" + +"If I thought as you do,"--I interrupted him--"I would jump from +this vessel into the sea and let the waters close over me! There +would be neither use nor sense in living for an 'In-Between' leading +merely to nothingness." + +He passed his hand across his brows perplexedly. + +"It certainly seems useless,"--he admitted--"but there it is. It is +better to accept it than run amok among inexplicable infinities." + +We were interrupted here by the sailors busying themselves in +preparations for getting the yacht under way, and our conversation +being thus broken off abruptly was not again resumed. By eleven +o'clock we were steaming out of Loch Scavaig, and as I looked back +on the sombre mountain-peaks that stood sentinel-wise round the +deeply hidden magnificence of Loch Coruisk, I wondered if my +visionary experience there had been only the work of my own excited +imagination, or whether it really had foundation in fact? The letter +from Santoris lay against my heart as actual testimony that he at +least was real--that I had met and known him, and that so far as +anything could be believed he had declared himself my 'lover'! But +was ever love so expressed?--and had it ever before such a far-off +beginning? + +I soon ceased to perplex myself with futile speculations on the +subject, however, and as the last peaks of the Scavaig hills +vanished in pale blue distance I felt as if I had been brought +suddenly back from a fairyland to a curiously dull and commonplace +world. Everyone on board the 'Diana' seemed occupied with the +veriest trifles,--Catherine remained too ill to appear all day, and +Dr. Brayle was in almost constant attendance upon her. A vague sense +of discomfort pervaded the whole atmosphere of the yacht,--she was a +floating palace filled with every imaginable luxury, yet now she +seemed a mere tawdry upholsterer's triumph compared with the +exquisite grace and taste of the 'Dream'--and I was eager to be away +from her. I busied myself during the day in packing my things ready +for departure with the eagerness of a child leaving school for the +holidays, and I was delighted when we arrived at Portree and +anchored there that evening. It was after dinner, at about nine +o'clock, that Catherine sent for me, hearing I had determined to go +next morning. I found her in her bed, looking very white and feeble, +with a scared look in her eyes which became intensified the moment +she saw me. + +"You are really going away?" she said, faintly--"I hope we have not +offended you?" + +I went up to her, took her poor thin hand and kissed it. + +"No indeed!"--I answered--"Why should I be offended?" + +"Father is vexed you are going,"--she went on--"He says it is all my +silly nonsense and hysterical fancies--do you think it is?" + +"I prefer not to say what I think,"--I replied, gently. "Dear +Catherine, there are some things in life which cannot be explained, +and it is better not to try and explain them. But believe me, I can +never thank you enough for this yachting trip--you have done more +for me than you will ever know!--and so far from being 'offended' I +am grateful!--grateful beyond all words!" + +She held my hands, looking at me wistfully. + +"You will go away,"--she said, in a low tone--"and we shall perhaps +never meet again. I don't think it likely we shall. People often try +to meet again and never do--haven't you noticed that? It seems fated +that they shall only know each other for a little while just to +serve some purpose, and then part altogether. Besides, you live in a +different world from ours. You believe in things that I can't even +understand--You think there is a God--and you think each human being +has a soul--" + +"Are you not taught the same in your churches?" I interrupted. + +She looked startled. + +"Oh yes!--but then one never thinks seriously about it! You know +that if we DID think seriously about it we could never live as we +do. One goes to church for convention's sake--because it's +respectable; but suppose you were to say to a clergyman that if your +soul is 'immortal' it follows in reason that it must always have +existed and always will exist, he would declare you to be +'unorthodox.' That's where all the puzzle and contradiction comes +in--so that I don't believe in the soul at all." + +"Are you sure you do not?" I enquired, meaningly. + +She was silent. Then she suddenly broke out. + +"Well, I don't want to believe in it! I don't want to think about +it! I'd rather not! It's terrible! If a soul has never died and +never will die, its burden of memories must be awful!--horrible!--no +hell could be worse!" + +"But suppose they are beautiful and happy memories?" I suggested. + +She shuddered. + +"They couldn't be! We all fail somewhere." + +This was true enough, and I offered no comment. + +"I feel,"--she went on, hesitatingly--"that you are leaving us for +some undiscovered country--and that you will reach some plane of +thought and action to which we shall never rise. I don't think I am +sorry for this. I am not one of those who want to rise. I should be +perfectly content to live a few years in a moderate state of +happiness and then drop into oblivion--and I think most people are +like me." + +"Very unambitious!" I said, smiling. + +"Yes--I daresay it is--but one gets tired of it all. Tired of things +and people--at least I do. Now that man Santoris--" + +Despite myself, I felt the warm blood flushing my cheeks. + +"Yes? What of him?" I queried, lightly. + +"Well, I can understand that HE has always been alive!" and she +turned her eyes upon me with an expression of positive dread-- +"Immensely, actively, perpetually alive! He seems to hold some +mastery over the very air! I am afraid of him--terribly afraid! It +is a relief to me to know that he and his strange yacht have gone!" + +"But, Catherine,"--I ventured to say--"the yacht was not really +'strange,'--it was only moved by a different application of +electricity from that which the world at present knows. You would +not call it 'strange' if the discovery made by Mr. Santoris were +generally adopted?" + +She sighed. + +"Perhaps not! But just now it seems a sort of devil's magic to me. +Anyhow, I'm glad he's gone. You're sorry, I suppose?" + +"In a way I am,"--I answered, quietly--"I thought him very kind and +charming and courteous--no one could be a better host or a +pleasanter companion. And I certainly saw nothing 'devilish' about +him. As for that collar of jewels, there are plenty of so-called +'thought-readers' who could have found out its existence and said as +much of it as he did--" + +She uttered a low cry. + +"Don't speak of it!" she said--"For Heaven's sake, don't speak of +it!" + +She buried her face in her pillow, and I waited silently for her to +recover. When she turned again towards me, she said-- + +"I am not well yet,--I cannot bear too much. I only want you to know +before you go away that I have no unkind feeling towards you,-- +things seem pushing me that way, but I have not really!--and you +surely will believe me--" + +"Surely!" I said, earnestly--"Dear Catherine, do not worry yourself! +These impressions of yours will pass." + +"I hope so!" she said--"I shall try to forget! And you--you will +meet Mr. Santoris again, do you think?" + +I hesitated. + +"I do not know." + +"You seem to have some attraction for each other," she went on--"And +I suppose your beliefs are alike. To me they are dreadful beliefs!-- +worse than barbarism!" + +I looked at her with all the compassion I truly felt. + +"Why? Because we believe that God is all love and tenderness and +justice?--because we cannot think He would have created life only to +end in death?--because we are sure that He allows nothing to be +wasted, not even a thought?--and nothing to go unrecompensed, either +in good or in evil? Surely these are not barbarous beliefs?" + +A curious look came over her face. + +"If I believed in anything,"--she said--"I would rather be orthodox, +and believe in the doctrine of original sin and the Atonement." + +"Then you would start with the idea that the supreme and all-wise +Creator could not make a perfect work!" I said--"And that He was +obliged to invent a scheme to redeem His own failure! Catherine, if +you speak of barbarism, this is the most barbarous belief of all!" + +She stared at me, amazed. + +"You would be put out of any church in Christendom for such a speech +as that!" she said. + +"Possibly!" I answered, quietly--"But I should not and could not be +put out of God's Universe--nor, I am certain, would He reject my +soul's eternal love and adoration!" + +A silence fell between us. Then I heard her sobbing. I put my arm +round her, and she laid her head on my shoulder. + +"I wish I could feel as you do,"--she whispered--"You must be very +happy! The world is all beautiful in your eyes--and of course with +your ideas it will continue to be beautiful--and even death will +only come to you as another transition into life. But you must not +think anybody will ever understand you or believe you or follow you- +-people will only look upon you as mad, or the dupe of your own +foolish imagination!" + +I smiled as I smoothed her pillow for her and laid her gently back +upon it. + +"I can stand that!" I said--"If somebody who is lost in the dark +jeers at me for finding the light, I shall not mind!" + +We did not speak much after that--and when I said good-night to her +I also said good-bye, as I knew I should have to leave the yacht +early in the morning. + +I spent the rest of the time at my disposal in talking to Mr. +Harland, keeping our conversation always on the level of ordinary +topics. He seemed genuinely sorry that I had determined to go, and +if he could have persuaded me to stay on board a few days longer I +am sure he would have been pleased. + +"I shall see you off in the morning,"--he said--"And believe me I +shall miss you very much. We don't agree on certain subjects--but I +like you all the same." + +"That's something!" I said, cheerfully--"It would never do if we +were all of the same opinion!" + +"Will you meet Santoris again, do you think?" + +This was the same question Catherine had put to me, and I answered +it in the same manner. + +"I really don't know!" + +"Would you LIKE to meet him again?" he urged. + +I hesitated, smiling a little. + +"Yes, I think so!" + +"It is curious," he pursued--"that I should have been the means of +bringing you together. Your theories of life and death are so alike +that you must have thoughts in common. Many years have passed since +I knew Santoris--in fact, I had completely lost sight of him, though +I had never forgotten his powerful personality--and it seemt rather +odd to me that he should suddenly turn up again while you were with +me--" + +"Mere coincidence,"--I said, lightly--"and common enough, after all. +Like attracts like, you know." + +"That may be. There is certainly something in the law of attraction +between human beings which we do not understand,"--he answered, +musingly--"Perhaps if we did--" + +He broke off and relapsed into silence. + +That night, just before going to bed, I was met by Dr. Brayle in the +corridor leading to my cabin. I was about to pass him with a brief +good-night, but he stopped me. + +"So you are really going to-morrow!" he said, with a furtive +narrowing of his eyelids as he looked at me--"Well! Perhaps it is +best! You are a very disturbing magnet." + +I smiled. + +"Am I? In what way?" + +"I cannot tell you without seeming to give the lie to reason,"--he +answered, brusquely. "I believe to a certain extent in magnetism--in +fact, I have myself tested its power in purely nervous patients,-- +but I have never accepted the idea that persons can silently and +almost without conscious effort, influence others for either malign +or beneficial purposes. In your presence, however, the thing is +forced upon me as though it were a truth, while I know it to be a +fallacy." + +"Isn't it too late to talk about such things to-night?" I asked, +wishing to cut short the conversation. + +"Perhaps it is--but I shall probably never have the chance to say +what I wish to say,"--he replied,--and he leaned against the +stairway just where the light in the saloon sent forth a bright ray +upon his face, showing it to be dark with a certain frowning +perplexity--"You have studied many things in your own impulsive +feminine fashion, and you are beyond all the stupidity of the would- +be agreeable female who thinks a prettily feigned ignorance +becoming, so that I can speak frankly. I can now tell you that from +the first day I saw you I felt I had known you before--and you +filled me with a curious emotion of mingled liking and repulsion. +One night when you were sitting with us on deck--it was before we +met that fellow Santoris--I watched you with singular interest-- +every turn of your head, every look of your eyes seemed familiar-- +and for a moment I--I almost loved you! Oh, you need not mind my +saying this!"--and he laughed a little at my involuntary +exclamation--"it was nothing--it was only a passing mood,--for in +another few seconds I hated you as keenly! There you have it. I do +not know why I should have been visited by these singular +experiences--but I own they exist--that is why I am rather glad you +are going." + +"I am glad, too,"--I said--and I held out my hand in parting--"I +should not like to stay where my presence caused a moment's +uneasiness or discomfort." + +"That's not putting it quite fairly,"--he answered, taking my +offered hand and holding it loosely in his own--"But you are an +avowed psychist, and in this way you are a little 'uncanny.' I +should not like to offend you--" + +"You could not if you tried," I said, quickly. + +"That means I am too insignificant in your mind to cause offence,"-- +he observed--"I daresay I am. I live on the material plane and am +content to remain there. You are essaying very high flights and +ascending among difficulties of thought and action which are +entirely beyond the useful and necessary routine of life,--and in +the end these things may prove too much for you." Here he dropped my +hand. "You bring with you a certain atmosphere which is too rarefied +for ordinary mortals--it has the same effect as the air of a very +high mountain on a weak heart--it is too strong--one loses breath, +and the power to think coherently. You produce this result on Miss +Harland, and also to some extent on me--even slightly on Mr. +Harland,--and poor Swinton alone does not fall under the spell, +having no actual brain to impress. You need someone who is +accustomed to live in the same atmosphere as yourself to match you +in your impressions and opinions. We are on a different range of +thought and feeling and experience--and you must find us almost +beyond endurance--" + +"As you find me!" I interposed, smiling. + +"I will not say that--no! For there seems to have been a time when +we were all on the same plane--" + +He paused, and there was a moment's tense silence. The little +silvery chime of a clock in the saloon struck twelve. + +"Good-night, Dr. Brayle!" I said. + +He lifted his brooding eyes and looked at me. + +"Good-night! If I have annoyed you by my scepticism in certain +matters, you must make allowances for temperament and pardon me. I +should be sorry if you bore me any ill-will--" + +What a curious note of appeal there was in his voice! All at once it +seemed to me that he was asking me to forgive him for that long-ago +murder which I had seen reflected in a vision!--and my blood grew +suddenly heated with an involuntary wave of deep resentment. + +"Dr. Brayle," I said,--"pray do not trouble yourself to think any +more about me. Our ways will always be apart, and we shall probably +never see each other again. It really does not matter to you in the +least what my feeling may be with regard to you,--it can have no +influence on either your present or your future. Friendships cannot +be commanded." + +"You will not say," he interrupted me--"that you have no dislike of +me?" + +I hesitated--then spoke frankly. + +"I will not,"--I answered--"because I cannot!" + +For one instant our eyes met--then came SOMETHING between us that +suggested an absolute and irretrievable loss--"Not yet!" he +murmured--"Not yet!" and with a forced smile, he bowed and allowed +me to pass to my cabin. I was glad to be there--glad to be alone-- +and overwhelmed as I was by the consciousness that the memories of +my soul had been too strong for me to resist, I was thankful that I +had had the courage to express my invincible opposition to one who +had, as I seemed instinctively to realise, been guilty of an +unrepented crime. + +That night I slept dreamlessly, and the next morning before seven +o'clock I had left the luxurious 'Diana' for the ordinary passenger +steamer plying from Portree to Glasgow. Mr. Harland kept his promise +of seeing me off, and expressed his opinion that I was very foolish +to travel with a crowd of tourists and other folk, when I might have +had the comfort and quiet of his yacht all the way; but he could not +move me from my resolve, though in a certain sense I was sorry to +say good-bye to him. + +"You must write to us as soon as you get home,"--he said, at +parting--"A letter will find us this week at Gairloch--I shall +cruise about a bit longer." + +I made no reply for the moment. He had no idea that I was not going +home at all, nor did I intend to tell him. + +"You shall hear from me as soon as possible,"--I said at last, +evasively--" I shall be very busy for a time--" + +He laughed. + +"Oh, I know! You are always busy! Will you ever get tired, I +wonder?" + +I smiled. "I hope not!" + +With that we shook hands and parted, and within the next twenty +minutes the steamer had started, bearing me far away from the Isle +of Skye, that beautiful, weird and mystic region full of strange +legends and memories, which to me had proved a veritable wonderland. +I watched the 'Diana' at anchor in the bay of Portree till I could +see her no more,--and it was getting on towards noon when I suddenly +noticed the people on board the steamer making a rush to one side of +the deck to look at something that was evidently both startling and +attractive. I followed the crowd,--and my heart gave a quick throb +of delight when I saw poised on the sparkling waters the fairylike +'Dream'!--her sails white as the wings of a swan, and her cordage +gleaming like woven gold in the brilliant sunshine. She was a thing +of perfect beauty as she seemed to glide on the very edge of the +horizon like a vision between sky and sea. And as I pressed forward +among the thronging passengers to look at her, she dipped her flag +in salutation--a salutation I knew was meant for me alone. When the +flag ran up again to its former position, murmurs of admiration came +from several people around me-- + +"The finest schooner afloat!"--I heard one man remark--"They say she +goes by electricity as well as sailing power." + +"She's often seen about here," said another--"She belongs to a +foreigner--some prince or other named Santoris." + +And I watched and waited,--with unconscious tears in my eyes, till +the exquisite fairy vessel disappeared suddenly as though it had +become absorbed and melted into the sun; then all at once I thought +of the words spoken by the wild Highland 'Jamie' who had given me +the token of the bell-heather--"One way in and another way out! One +road to the West, and the other to the East, and round about to the +meeting-place!" + +The meeting-place! Where would it be? I could only think and wonder, +hope and pray, as the waves spread their silver foaming distance +between me and the vanished 'Dream.' + + + + +XIII + +THE HOUSE OF ASELZION + + +It is not necessary to enter into particular details of the journey +I now entered upon and completed during the ensuing week. My +destination was a remote and mountainous corner of the Biscayan +coast, situated a little more than three days' distance from Paris. +I went alone, knowing that this was imperative, and arrived without +any untoward adventure, scarcely fatigued though I had travelled by +night as well as by day. It was only at the end of my journey that I +found myself confronted by any difficulty, and then I had to realise +that though the 'Chateau d'Aselzion,' as it was called, was +perfectly well known to the inhabitants of the surrounding district, +no one seemed inclined to show me the nearest way there or even to +let me have the accommodation of a vehicle to take me up the steep +ascent which led to it. The Chateau itself could be seen from all +parts of the village, especially from the seashore, over which it +hung like a toppling crown of the fortress-like rock on which it was +erected. + +"It is a monastery,"--said a man of whom I asked the way, speaking +in a curious kind of guttural patois, half French and half Spanish-- +"No woman goes there." + +I explained that I was entrusted with an important message. + +He shook his head. + +"Not for any money would I take you," he declared. "I should be +afraid for myself." + +Nothing could move him from his resolve, so I made up my mind to +leave my small luggage at the inn and walk up the steep road which I +could see winding like a width of white ribbon towards the goal of +my desires. A group of idle peasants watched me curiously as I spoke +to the landlady and asked her to take care of my few belongings till +I either sent for them or returned to fetch them, to which +arrangement she readily consented. She was a buxom, pleasant little +Frenchwoman, and inclined to be friendly. + +"I assure you, Mademoiselle, you will return immediately!" she said, +with a bright smile--"The Chateau d'Aselzion is a place where no +woman is ever seen--and a lady alone!--ah, mon Dieu!--impossible! +There are terrible things done there, so they say--it is a house of +mystery! In the daytime it looks as it does now--dark, as though it +were a prison!--but sometimes at night one sees it lit up as though +it were on fire--every window full of something that shines like the +sun! It is a Brotherhood that lives there,--not of the Church--ah +no! Heaven forbid!--but they are rich and powerful men--and it is +said they study some strange science--our traders serve them only at +the outer gates and never go beyond. And in the midnight one hears +the organ playing in their chapel, and there is a sound of singing +on the very waves of the sea! I beg of you, Mademoiselle, think well +of what you do before you go to such a place!--for they will send +you away--I am sure they will send you away!" + +I smiled and thanked her for her well-meant warning. + +"I have a message to give to the Master of the Brotherhood," I said- +-"If I am not allowed to deliver it and the gate is shut in my face, +I can only come back again. But I must do my best to gain an +entrance if possible." + +And with these words I turned away and commenced my solitary walk. I +had arrived in the early afternoon and the sun was still high in the +heavens,--the heat was intense and the air was absolutely still. As +I climbed higher and higher, the murmuring noises of human life in +the little village I had left behind me grew less and less and +presently sank altogether out of hearing, and I became gradually +aware of the great and solemn solitude that everywhere encompassed +me. No stray sheep browsed on the burnt brown grass of the rocky +height I was slowly ascending--no bird soared through the dazzling +deep blue of the vacant sky. The only sound I could hear was the +soft, rhythmic plash of small waves on the beach below, and an +indefinite deeper murmur of the sea breaking through a cave in the +far distance. There was something very grand in the silence and +loneliness of the scene,--and something very pitiful too, so I +thought, about my own self, toiling up the rocky path in mingled +hope and fear towards that grim pile of dark stone towers and high +forbidding walls, where it was just possible I might meet with but a +discouraging reception. Yet with the letter from him who signed +himself 'Your lover' lying against my heart, I felt I had a talisman +to open doors even more closely barred. Nevertheless, my courage +gave way a little when I at last stood before the heavy iron gates +set in a lofty archway of stone through which I could see nothing +but cavernous blackness. The road I had followed ended in a broad +circular sweep opposite this archway, and a few tall pines twisted +and gnarled in bough and stem, as though the full force of many +storm winds had battered and bent them out of their natural shapes, +were the only relief to the barrenness of the ground. An iron chain +with a massive ring at the end suggested itself as the possible +means of pulling a bell or otherwise attracting attention; but for +some minutes I had not the boldness to handle it. + +I stood gazing at the frowning portal with a sense of utter +loneliness and desolation,--the quick, resistless impulse that had +fired me to make the journey and which, as it were, had driven me +along by its own impetus, suddenly died away into a dreary +consciousness of inadequateness and folly on my own part,--and I +began to reproach myself for yielding so utterly to the casual +influence of one who, after all, must in a reasonable way be +considered a stranger. For what was Rafel Santoris to me? Merely an +old college friend of the man who for a fortnight had been my host, +and with whom he chanced to renew acquaintanceship during a yachting +tour. Anything more simple and utterly commonplace never occurred,-- +yet, here was I full of strange impressions and visions, which were +possibly only the result of clever hypnotism, practised on me +because the hypnotist had possibly discovered in my temperament some +suitable 'subject' matter for an essay of his skill. And I had so +readily succumbed to his influence as to make a journey of hundreds +of miles to a place I had never heard of before on the chance of +seeing a man of whom I knew nothing!--except--that, according to +what Rafel Santoris had said of him, he was the follower of a great +psychic Teacher whom once I had known. + +Such doubtful and darkening thoughts as these, chasing one another +rapidly through my brain, made me severely accuse myself of rash and +unpardonable folly in all I had done or was doing,--and I was almost +on the point of turning away and retracing my steps, when a sudden +ray of light, not of the sun, struck itself sharply as it were +before my eyes and hurt them with its blinding glitter. It was like +a whip of fire lashing my hesitating mind, and it startled me into +instant action. Without pausing further to think what I was about, I +went straight up to the entrance of the Chateau and pulled at the +iron chain. The gates swung open at once and swiftly, without sound- +-and I stepped into the dark passage within--whereupon they as +noiselessly closed again behind me. There was no going back now,-- +and nerving myself to resolution, I walked quickly on through what +was evidently a long corridor with a lofty arched roof of massive +stone; it was dark and cool and refreshing after the great heat +outside, and I saw a faint light at the end towards which I made my +way. The light widened as I drew near, and an exclamation of relief +and pleasure escaped me as I suddenly found myself in a picturesque +quadrangle, divided into fair green lawns and parterres of flowers. +Straight opposite me as I approached, a richly carved double oaken +door stood wide open, enabling me to look into a vast circular domed +hall, in the centre of which a fountain sent up tall silver columns +of spray which fell again with a tinkling musical splash into a +sunken pool bordered with white marble, where delicate pale blue +water-lilies floated on the surface of the water. Enchanted by this +glimpse of loveliness, I went straight on and entered without +seeking the right of admission,--and then stood looking about me in +wonder and admiration. If this was the House of Aselzion, where such +difficult lessons had to be learned and such trying ordeals had to +be faced, it certainly did not seem like a house of penance and +mortification but rather of luxury. Exquisite white marble statues +were set around the hall in various niches between banked-up masses +of roses and other blossoms--many of them perfect copies of the +classic models, and all expressing either strength and resolution, +or beauty and repose. And most wonderful of all was the light, that +poured in from the high dome--I could have said with truth that it +was like that 'light which never was on sea or land.' It was not the +light of the sun, but something more softened and more intense, and +was totally indescribable. + +Fascinated by the restful charm of my surroundings, I seated myself +on a marble bench near the fountain and watched the sparkle of the +water as it rose in rainbow radiance and fell again into the darker +shadows of the pool,--and I had for a moment lost myself in a kind +of waking dream,--so that I started with a shock of something like +terror when I suddenly perceived a figure approaching me,--that of a +man, clothed in white garments fashioned somewhat after the monastic +type, yet hardly to be called a monk's dress, though he wore a sort +of hood or cowl pulled partially over his face. My heart almost +stopped beating and I could scarcely breathe for nervous fear as he +came towards me with an absolutely noiseless tread,--he appeared to +be young, and his eyes, dark and luminous, looked at me kindly and, +as I fancied, with a touch of pity. + +"You are seeking the Master?" he enquired, in a gentle voice--"He +has instructed me to receive you, and when you have rested for an +hour, to take you to his presence." + +I had risen as he spoke, and his quiet manner helped me to recover +myself a little. + +"I am not tired,"--I answered--"I could go to him at once--" + +He smiled. + +"That is not possible!" he said--"He is not ready. If you will come +to the apartment allotted to you I am sure you will be glad of some +repose. May I ask you to follow me?" + +He was perfectly courteous in demeanour, and yet there was a certain +impressive authority about him which silently impelled obedience. I +had nothing further to demand or to suggest, and I followed him at +once. He preceded me out of the domed hall into a long stone +passage, where every sign of luxury, beauty or comfort disappeared +in cold vastness, and where at every few steps large white boards +with the word 'Silence!' printed upon them in prominent black +letters confronted the eyes. The way we had to go seemed long and +dreary and dungeon-like, but presently we turned towards an opening +where the sun shone through, and my guide ascended a steep flight of +stone stairs, at the top of which was a massive door of oak, heavily +clamped with iron. Taking a key from his girdle, he unlocked this +door, and throwing it open, signed to me to pass in. I did so, and +found myself in a plain stone-walled room with a vaulted roof, and +one very large, lofty, uncurtained window which looked out upon the +sea and sheer down the perpendicular face of the rock on which the +Chateau d'Aselzion was built. The furniture consisted of one small +camp bedstead, a table, and two easy chairs, a piece of rough +matting on the floor near the bed, and a hanging cupboard for +clothes. A well-fitted bathroom adjoined this apartment, but beyond +this there was nothing of modern comfort and certainly no touch of +luxury. I moved instinctively to the window to look out at the sea,- +-and then turned to thank my guide for his escort, but he had gone. +Thrilled with a sudden alarm, I ran to the door--it was locked! I +was a prisoner! I stood breathless and amazed;--then a wave of +mingled indignation and terror swept over me. How dared these people +restrain my liberty? I looked everywhere round the room for a bell +or some means of communication by which I could let them know my +mind--but there was nothing to help me. I went to the window again, +and finding it was like a French casement, merely latched in the +centre, I quickly unfastened and threw it open. The scent of the sea +rushed at me with a delicious freshness, reminding me of Loch +Scavaig and the 'Dream'--and I leaned out, looking longingly over +the wide expanse of glittering water just now broken into little +crests of foam by a rising breeze. Then I saw that my room was a +kind of turret chamber, projecting itself sheer over a great wall of +rock which evidently had its base in the bed of the ocean. There was +no escape for me that way, even if I had sought it. I drew back from +the window and paced round and round my room like a trapped animal-- +angry with myself for having ventured into such a place, and +forgetting entirely my previous determination to go through all that +might happen to me with patience and unflinching nerve. + +Presently I sat down on my narrow camp bed and tried to calm myself. +After all, what was the use of my anger or excitement? I had come to +the House of Aselzion of my own wish and will,--and so far I had +endured nothing difficult. Apparently Aselzion was willing to +receive me in his own good time--and I had only to wait the course +of events. Gradually my blood cooled, and in a few minutes I found +myself smiling at my own absurdly useless indignation. True, I was +locked up in my own room like a naughty child, but did it matter so +very much? I assured myself it did not matter at all,--and as I +accustomed my mind to this conviction I became perfectly composed +and quite at home in my strange surroundings. I took off my hat and +cloak and put them by--then I went into the bathroom and refreshed +my face with delicious splashes of cold water. The bathroom +possessed a full-length mirror fitted into the wall, a fact which +rather amused me, as I felt it must have been there always and could +not have been put up specially for me, so that it would seem these +mystic 'Brothers' were not without some personal vanity. I surveyed +myself in it with surprise as I took down my hair and twisted it up +again more tidily, for I had expected to look fagged and tired, +whereas my face presented a smiling freshness which was unexpected +and astonishing to myself. The plain black dress I wore was dusty +with travel--and I shook it as free as I could from railway +grimness, feeling that it was scarcely the attire I should have +chosen for an audience of Aselzion. + +"However,"--I said to myself--"if he has me locked up like this, and +gives me no chance of sending for my luggage at the inn, I can only +submit and make the best of it." + +And returning from the bathroom to the bedroom, I again looked out +of my lofty window across the sea. As I did so, leaning a little +over the ledge, something soft and velvety touched my hand;--it was +a red rose clambering up the turret just within my reach. Its +opening petals lifted themselves towards me like sweet lips turned +up for kisses, and I was for a moment startled, for I could have +sworn that no rose of any kind was there when I first looked out. +'One rose from all the roses in Heaven!' Where had I heard those +words? And what did they signify? Then--I remembered! Carefully and +with extreme tenderness, I bent over that beautiful, appealing +flower: + +"I will not gather you!"--I whispered, following the drift of my own +dreaming fancy--"If you are a message--and I think you are I--stay +there as long as you can and talk to me! I shall understand!" + +And so for a while we made silent friends with each other till I +might have said with the poet--'The soul of the rose went into my +blood.' At any rate something keen, fine and subtle stole over my +senses, moving me to an intense delight in merely being alive. I +forgot that I was in a strange place among strange men,--I forgot +that I was to all intents and purposes a prisoner--I forgot +everything except that I lived, and that life was ecstasy! + +I had no very exact idea of the time,--my watch had stopped. But the +afternoon light was deepening, and long lines of soft amber and +crimson in the sky were beginning to spread a radiant path for the +descent of the sun. While I still remained at the window I suddenly +heard the rise and swell of deep organ music, solemn and sonorous; +it was as though the waves of the sea had set themselves to song. +Some instinct then told me there was someone in the room,--and I +turned round quickly to find my former guide in the white garments +standing silently behind me, waiting. I had intended to complain at +once of the way in which I had been imprisoned as though I were a +criminal--but at sight of his grave, composed figure I lost all my +hardihood and could say nothing. I merely stood still, attendant on +his pleasure. His dark eyes, gleaming from under his white cowl, +looked at me with a searching enquiry as though he expected me to +speak, but as I continued to keep silence, he smiled. + +"You are very patient!" he said, quietly--"And that is well! The +Master awaits you." + +A tremor ran through me, and my heart began to beat violently. I was +to have my wilful desires granted, then! I was actually to see and +speak with the man to whom Rafel Santoris owed his prolonged youth +and power, and under whose training he had passed through an ordeal +which had taught him some of the deepest mysteries of life! The +result of my own wishes seemed now so terrifying to me that I could +not have uttered a word had I tried, I followed my escort in +absolute silence;--once in my nervous agitation I slipped on the +stone staircase and nearly fell,--he at once caught me by the hand +and supported me, and the kindness and gentle strength of his touch +renewed my courage. His wonderful eyes looked steadily into mine. + +"Do not be afraid!" he said, in a low tone--"There is really nothing +to fear!" + +We passed the domed hall and its sparkling fountain, and in two or +three minutes came to a deep archway veiled by a portiere of some +rich stuff woven in russet brown and gold,--this curtain my guide +threw back noiselessly, showing a closed door. Here he came to a +standstill and waited--I waited with him, trying to be calm, though +my mind was in a perfect tumult of expectation mingled with doubt +and dread,--that closed door seemed to me to conceal some marvellous +secret with which my whole future life and destiny were likely to be +involved. Suddenly it opened,--I saw a beautiful octagonal room, +richly furnished, with the walls lined, so it appeared, from floor +to ceiling with books,--one or two great stands and vases of flowers +made flashes of colour among the shadows, and a quick upward glance +showed me that the ceiling was painted in fresco, then my guide +signed to me to enter. + +"The Master will be with you in a moment,"--he said--"Please sit +down"--here he gave me an encouraging smile--"You are a little +nervous--try and compose yourself! You need not be at all anxious or +frightened!" + +I tried to smile in response, but I felt far more ready to weep. I +was possessed by a sudden hopeless and helpless depression which I +could not overcome. My guide went away at once, and the door closed +after him in the same mysteriously silent fashion in which it had +opened. I was left to myself,--and I sat down on one of the numerous +deep easy chairs which were placed about the room, trying hard to +force myself into at least the semblance of quietude. But, after +all, what was the use of even assuming composure when the man I had +come to meet probably had the power to gauge the whole gamut of a +human being's emotion at a moment's notice? Instinctively I pressed +my hand against my heart and felt the letter my 'lover' had given +me--surely that was no dream? + +I drew a long breath like a sigh, and turned my eyes towards the +window, which was set in a sort of double arch of stone, and which +showed me a garden stretching far away from the edges of soft lawns +and flower borders into a picturesque vista of woodland and hill. A +warmth of rosy light illumined the fair scene, indicating that the +glory of the sunset had begun. Impulsively I rose to go and look +out--then stopped--checked and held back by a swift compelling awe-- +I was no longer alone. I was confronted by the tall commanding +figure of a man wearing the same white garments as those of my +guide,--a man whose singular beauty and dignity of aspect would have +enforced admiration from even the most callous and unobservant--and +I knew that I was truly at last in the presence of Aselzion. +Overpowered by this certainty, I could not speak--I could only look +and wonder as he drew near me. His cowl was thrown back, fully +displaying his fine intellectual head--his eyes, deep blue and full +of light, studied my face with a keen scrutiny which I could FEEL as +though it were a searching ray burning into every nook and cranny of +my heart and soul. The blood rushed to my cheeks in a warm wave-- +then suddenly rallying my forces I returned him glance for glance. +Thus we moved, each on our own lines of spiritual attraction, closer +together; till presently a slight smile brightened the gravity of +his handsome features, and he extended both hands to me. + +"You are welcome!" he said, in a voice that expressed the most +perfect music of human speech--"Rash and undisciplined as you are, +you are welcome!" + +Timidly I laid my hands in his, grateful for the warm, strong clasp +he gave them,--then, all at once, hardly knowing how it happened, I +sank on my knees as before some saint or king, silently seeking his +blessing. There was a moment's deep stillness,--and he laid his +hands on my bowed head. + +"Poor child!" he said, gently--"You have adventured far for love and +life!--it will be hard if you should fail! May all the powers of God +and Nature help you!" + +This said, he raised me with an infinitely courteous kindness, and +placed a chair for me near a massive table-desk on which there were +many papers--some neatly tied up and labelled,--others lying about +in apparent confusion--and when we were both seated he began +conversation in the simplest and easiest fashion. + +"You know, of course, that I have been prepared for your arrival +here,"--he said--"by one of my students, Rafel Santoris. He has been +seeking you for a long time, but now he has found you he is hardly +better off--for you are a rebellious child and unwilling to +recognise him--is it not so?" + +I felt a little more courageous now, and answered him at once. + +"I am not unwilling to recognise any true thing," I said--"But I do +not wish to be deceived--or to deceive myself." + +He smiled. + +"Do you not? How do you know that you have not been deceiving +yourself ever since your gradual evolvement from subconscious into +conscious life? Nature has not deceived you--Nature always takes +herself seriously--but you--have you not tried in various moods or +phases of existence, to do something cleverer than Nature?--to more +or less outwit her as it were? Come, come!--don't look so puzzled +about it!--you have only done what all so-called 'reasonable' human +beings do, and think themselves justified in doing. But now, in your +present state,--which is an advancement, and not a retrogression,-- +you have begun to gain a little wider knowledge, with a little +deeper humility--and I am inclined to have great patience with you!" + +I raised my eyes and was reassured by his kindly glance. + +"Now, to begin with,"--he went on--"you should know at once that we +do not receive women here. It is against our rule and Order. We are +not prepared for them,--we do not want them. They are never more +than HALF souls!" + +My heart gave an indignant bound,--but I held my peace. He looked +straight at me, while with one hand he put together a few stray +papers on his desk. + +"Well, why do you not give me the obvious answer?" he queried--"Why +do you not say that if women are half souls, men are the same,--and +that the two halves must conjoin to make one? Foolish child!--you +need not burn with suppressed offence at what sounds a slighting +description of your sex--it is not meant as such. You ARE half +souls,--and the chief trouble with you is that you seldom have the +sense to see it, or to make any endeavour to form the perfect and +indivisible union,--a sacred task which is left in your hands. +Nature is for ever working to bring the right halves together,--man +is for ever striving to scatter them apart--and though it all comes +right at the last, as it must, there is no need for delay involving +either months or centuries. You women were meant to be the angels of +salvation, but instead of this you are the ruin of your own +'ideals.'" + +I could offer no contradiction to this, for I felt it to be true. + +"As I have just said," he went on--"this is no place for women. The +mere idea that you should imagine yourself, capable of submitting to +the ordeal of a student here is, on the face of it, incredible. Only +for Rafel's sake have I consented to see you and explain to you how +impossible it is that you should remain--" + +I interrupted him. + +"I MUST remain!" I said, firmly. "Do with me whatever you like--put +me in a cell and keep me a prisoner,--give me any hardship to endure +and I will endure it--but do not turn me away without teaching me +something of your peace and power--the peace and power which Rafel +possesses, and which I too must possess if I would help him and be +all in all to him--" + +Here I paused, overcome by my own emotion. Aselzion looked full at +me. + +"That is your desire?--to help him and to be all in all to him?" he +said--"Why did you not realise this ages ago? And even now you have +wavered in the allegiance you owe to him--you have doubted him, +though all your inward instincts tell you that he is your soul's +true mate, and that your own heart beats towards him like a bird in +a cage beating against the bars towards liberty!" + +I was silent. My fate seemed in a balance,--but I left it to +Aselzion, who, if his power meant anything, could read my thoughts +better than I could express them. He rose from his desk and paced +slowly up and down, absorbed in meditation. Presently he stopped +abruptly in front of me. + +"If you stay here," he said--"you must understand what it means. It +means that you must dwell as one apart in your own room, entirely +alone except when summoned to receive instruction--your meals will +be served there--and you will feel like a criminal undergoing +punishment rather than enlightenment--and you may speak to no one +unless spoken to first. Moreover"--he interrupted himself and +beckoned me to follow him into another room adjoining the one we +were in. Here, leading me to a window, he showed me a very different +view from the sunlit landscape and garden I had lately looked upon,- +-a dismal square of rank grass in which stood a number of black +crosses. + +"These do not mark deaths,"--he said--"but failures! Failures--not +in a worldly sense--but failures in making of life the eternal and +creative thing it is--eternal HERE and now,--as long as we shall +choose! Do you seek to be one of them?" + +"No,"--I answered, quietly--"I shall not fail!" + +He gave a slight, impatient sigh. + +"So they all said--they whose records are here"--and he pointed to +the crosses with an impressive gesture--"Some of the men who have +thus left their mark with us, are at this moment among the world's +most brilliant and successful personalities--wealthy, and in great +social request,--and only they themselves know where the canker +lies--only they are aware of their own futility,--and they live, +knowing that their life must lead into other lives, and dreading +that inevitable Change which is bound by law to bring them into +whatever position they have chiefly sought!" + +His voice was grave and compassionate, and a faint tremor of fear +ran through me. + +"These were--and are--MEN!"--he continued--"And you--a woman--would +boldly attempt the adventures in which they failed! Think for a +moment how weak and ignorant and all unprepared you are! When you +first began your psychic studies with a Teacher whom we both loved +and honoured--one whom you knew by the name of Heliobas--you had +scarcely lived at all in the world;--since then you have worked hard +and done much, but in your close application to the conquest of +difficulties you have missed many things by the way. I give you +credit for patience and faith--these have accomplished much for you- +-and now you are at a crucial point in your career when your Will, +like the rudder of a ship, trembles in your hand, and you are +plunging into unknown further deeps where there may be storm and +darkness. There is danger ahead for any doubting, proud, or +rebellious soul,--it is but fair to warn you!" + +"I am not afraid!" I said, in a low tone--"I can but die!" + +"Child, that is just what you cannot do! Grasp that fact firmly at +once and for ever! You cannot die,--there is no such thing as death! +If you could die and have done with all duties, cares, perplexities +and struggles altogether, the eternal problem would be greatly +simplified. But the idea of death is only one of a million human +delusions. Death is an impossibility in the scheme of Life--what is +called by that name is merely a shifting and re-investiture of +imperishable atoms. The endless varying forms of this shifting and +re-investiture of atoms is the secret we and our students have set +ourselves to master--and some of us have mastered it sufficiently to +control both the matter and spirit whereof we are made. But the way +of learning is not an easy way--Rafel Santoris himself could have +told you that he was all but overcome in the trial--for I spare no +one!--and if you persist in your rash intention I cannot spare you +simply because of your sex." + +"I do not ask to be spared,"--I said, gently--"I have already told +you I will endure anything." + +A slight smile crossed his face. + +"So you will, I believe!" he answered--"In the old days I can well +understand your enduring martyrdom! I can see you facing lions in +the Roman arena,"--as he thus spoke I started, and the warm blood +rushed to my cheeks--"rather than not carry out your own fixed +resolve, whether such resolve was right or wrong! I can see you +preparing to drown yourself in the waters of the Nile rather than +break through man's stupid superstition and convention! Why do you +look so amazed? Am I touching on some old memory? Come, let us leave +these black embers of coward mortality and return to the more +cheerful room." + +We re-entered the library together, and he seated himself again at +his desk, turning towards me with an air of settled and impressive +authority. + +"What you want to learn,--and what every beginner in the study of +psychic law generally wants to learn first of all, is how to obtain +purely personal satisfaction and advantage,"--he said--"You want to +know three things--the secret of life--the secret of youth--the +secret of love! Thousands of philosophers and students have entered +upon the same research, and one perhaps out of the thousand has +succeeded where all the rest have failed. The story of Faust is +perpetually a thing of interest, because it treats of these secrets, +which according to the legend are only discoverable through the aid +of the devil. WE know that there is no devil, and that everything is +divinely ordained by a Divine Intelligence, so that in the deepest +researches which we are permitted to make there is nothing to fear-- +but Ourselves! Failure is always brought about by the students, not +by the study in which they are engaged,--the reason of this being +that when they know a little, they think they know all,--with the +result that they become intellectually arrogant, an attitude that +instantly nullifies all previous attainment. The secret of life is a +comparatively easy matter to understand--the secret of youth a +little more difficult--the secret of love the most difficult of all, +because out of love is generated both the perpetuity of life and of +youth. Now your object in coming here is, down at the root of it, +absolutely personal--I will not say selfish, because that sounds +hard--and I will give you credit for the true womanly feeling you +have, that being conscious in your own soul of Rafel Santoris as +your superior and master as well as your lover, you wish to be +worthy of him, if only in the steadfastness and heroism of your +character. I will grant you all that. I will also grant that it is +perfectly natural, and therefore right, that you should wish to +retain youth and beauty and health for his sake,--and I would even +urge that this desire should be SOLELY for his sake! But just now +you are not quite sure whether it is for his sake,--you wish to +hold, for YOURSELF, the secret of life and the power of life's +continuance--the secret of youth and the power of youth's +continuance,--and you most certainly wish to have for yourself, as +well as for Rafel, the secret of love and the power of love's +continuance. None of these secrets can be disclosed to worldlings-- +by which term I mean those who allow themselves to be moved from +their determination, and distracted by a thousand ephemeral matters. +I do not say you are such an one,--but you, like all who live in the +world, have your friends and acquaintances--people who are ready to +laugh at you and make mock of your highest aims--people whose +delight would be to block the way to your progress--and the question +with me is--Are you strong enough to ensure the mental strain which +will be put upon you by ignorant and vulgar opposition and even +positive derision? You may be,--you are self-willed enough, though +not always rightly so--for example, you want to gain knowledge apart +from and independently of Rafel Santoris, yet you are an incomplete +identity without him! The women of your day all follow this vicious +policy--the desire to be independent and apart from men--which is +the suicide of their nobler selves. None of them are complete +creatures without their stronger halves--they are like deformed +birds with only one wing,--and a straight flight is impossible to +them." + +He ceased, and I looked up. + +"Whether I agree with you or not hardly matters,"--I said--"I admit +all my faults and am ready to amend them. But I want to learn from +you all that I may--all that you think I am capable of learning--and +I promise absolute obedience--" + +A slight smile lightened his eyes. + +"And humility?" + +I bent my head. + +"And humility!" + +"You are resolved, then?" + +"I am resolved!" + +He paused a moment, then appeared to make up his mind. + +"So be it!" he said--"But on your own head be your own mischance, if +any mischance should happen! I take no responsibility. Of your own +will you have come here--of your own will you elect to stay here, +where there is no one of your own sex with whom you can communicate- +-and of your own will you must accept all the consequences. Is that +agreed?" + +His steel-blue eyes flashed with an almost supernatural brilliancy +as he put the question, and I was conscious of a sense of fear. But +I conquered this and answered simply: + +"It is agreed!" + +He gave me a keen glance that swept me as it were from head to foot- +-then turning from me abruptly, struck a handle on his desk which +set a loud bell clanging in some outer corridor. My former guide +entered almost immediately, and Aselzion addressed him: + +"Honorius,"--he said--"show this lady to her room, She will follow +the course of a probationer and student"--as he spoke, Honorius gave +me a look of undisguised amazement and pity--"The moment she desires +to leave, every facility for her departure is to be granted to her. +As long as she remains under instruction the rule for her, as you +know, is solitude and silence." + +I looked at him, and thought how swiftly his face had changed. It +was no longer softened by the grave benevolence and kindness that +had sustained my courage,--a stern shadow darkened it, and his eyes +were averted. I saw I was expected to leave the room, but I +hesitated. + +"You will let me thank you,"--I murmured, holding out my hands +timidly--almost pleadingly. + +He turned to me slowly and took my hands in his own. + +"Poor child, you have nothing to thank me for!"--he said. "Bear in +mind, as one of your first lessons in the difficult way you are +going, that you have nothing to thank anyone for, and nothing to +blame anyone for in the shaping of your destiny but--Yourself! Go!-- +and may you conquer your enemy!" + +"My enemy?" I repeated, wonderingly. + +"Yes--again Yourself! The only power any man or woman has ever had, +or ever will have, to contend with!" + +He dropped my hands, and I suppose I must have expressed some mute +appeal in my upward glance at him, for the faintest shadow of a +smile came on his lips. + +"God be with you!" he said, softly, and then with a gentle gesture +signed to me to leave him. I at once obeyed, and followed the guide +Honorius, who led me back to my own room, where, without speaking a +word, he closed and locked the door upon me as before. To my +surprise, I found my luggage which I had left at the inn placed +ready for me--and on a small dresser set in a niche of the wall +which I had not noticed before, there was a plate of fruit and dry +bread, with a glass of cold water. On going to look at this little +refection, which was simply yet daintily set out, I saw that the +dresser was really a small lift, evidently connected with the +domestic offices of the house, and I concluded that this would be +the means by which all my meals would be served. I did not waste +much time in thinking about it, however,--I was only too glad to be +allowed to remain in the House of Aselzion on any terras, and the +fact that I was imprisoned under lock and key did not now trouble +me. I unpacked my few things, among which were three or four +favourite books,--then I sat down to my frugal repast, for which +hunger provided a keen appetite. When I had finished, I took a chair +to the open window and sat there, looking out on the sea. I saw my +friendly little rose leaning its crimson head against the wall just +below me with quite a confidential air, and it gave me a sense of +companionship, otherwise the solitude was profound. The sky was +darkening into night, though one or two glowing bars of deep crimson +still lingered as memories of the departed sun--and a pearly +radiance to the eastward showed a suggestion of the coming moon. I +felt the sense of deep environing silence closing me in like a wall- +-and looking back over my shoulder from the window to the interior +of my room it seemed full of drifting shadows, dark and impalpable. +I remembered I had no candle or any other sort of light--and this +gave me a passing uneasiness, but only for a moment. I could go to +bed, I thought, when I was tired of watching the sea. At any rate, I +would wait for the moonrise,--the scene I looked upon was divinely +peaceful and beautiful,--one that a painter or poet would have +revelled in--and I was content. I was not conscious of any fear,-- +but I did feel myself being impressed as it were and gradually +overcome by the deepening stillness and great loneliness of my +surroundings. 'The rule for her is solitude and silence.' So had +said Aselzion. And evidently the rule was being enforced. + + + + +XIV + +CROSS AND STAR + + +The moon rose slowly between two bars of dark cloud which gradually +whitened into silver beneath her shining presence, and a +scintillating pathway of diamond-like reflections began to spread +itself across the sea. I remained at the window, feeling an odd +disinclination to turn away into the darkness of my room. And I +began to think that perhaps it was rather hard that I should be left +all by myself locked up in this way;--surely I might have been +allowed a light of some sort! Then I at once reproached myself for +allowing the merest suggestion of a complaint to enter my mind, for, +after all, I was an uninvited guest in the House of Aselzion--I was +not wanted--and I remembered the order that had been issued +concerning me: 'The moment she desires to leave, every facility for +departure is to be granted to her.' I was much more afraid of this +'facility for departure' than I was of my present solitude, and I +determined to look upon the whole adventure in the best and most +cheerful light. If it was best I should be alone, then loneliness +was good--if it was necessary I should be in darkness, then darkness +was also agreeable to me. + +Scarcely had I thus made up my mind to these conditions when my room +was suddenly illumined by a soft yet effulgent radiance-and I +started up in amazement, wondering where it came from. I could see +no lamps or electric burners,--it was as if the walls glowed with +some surface luminance. When my first surprise had passed, I was +charmed and delighted with the warm and comforting brightness around +me,--it rather reminded me of the electric brilliancy on the sails +of the 'Dream.' I moved away from the window, leaving it open, as +the night was very close and warm, and sat down at the table to read +a little, but after a few minutes laid the book aside to listen to a +strange whispering music that floated towards me, apparently from +the sea, and thrilled me to the soul. No eloquent description could +give any idea of the enthralling sweetness of the harmonies that +were more BREATHED upon the air than sounded--and I became absorbed +in following the rhythm of the delicious cadences as they rose and +fell. Then by degrees my thoughts wandered away to Rafel Santoris,-- +where was he now?--in what peaceful expanse of shining waters had +his fairy vessel cast anchor? I pictured him in my brain till I +could almost see his face,--the broad brow,--the fearless, tender +eyes and smile--and I could fancy that I heard the deep, soft +accents of his voice, always so gentle when he spoke to me--me, who +had half resented his influence! And a quick wave of long pent-up +tenderness rose in my heart--my whole soul ran out, as it were, to +greet him with outstretched arms--I knew in my own consciousness +that he was more than all the world to me, and I said aloud:--"My +beloved, I love you! I love you!" to the silence, almost as if I +thought it could convey the words to him whom most I desired to hear +them. + +Then I felt how foolish and futile it was to talk to the empty air +when I might have confessed myself to the real lover of my life face +to face, had I been less sceptical,--less proud! Was not my very +journey to the House of Aselzion a testimony of my own doubting +attitude?--for I had come, as I now admitted to myself, first to +make sure that Aselzion really existed--and secondly, to prove to my +own satisfaction that he was truly able to impart the mystical +secrets which Rafel seemed to know. I wearied myself out at last +with thinking to no purpose, and closing the window I undressed and +went to bed. As I lay down, the light in my room was suddenly +extinguished, and all was darkness again except for the moon, which +sent a clear white ray straight through the lattice, there being no +curtain to shut it out. For some time I remained awake on my hard +little couch, looking at this ray, and steadily refusing to allow +any sense of fear or loneliness to gain the mastery over me--the +music which had so enchanted me ceased--and everything was perfectly +still. And by and by my eyes closed--my tired limbs relaxed,--and I +fell into a sound and dreamless sleep. + +When I awoke it was full morning, and the sunshine poured into my +room like a shower of gold. I sprang up, full of delight that the +night had passed so peacefully and that nothing strange or +terrifying had occurred, though I do not know why I should have +expected this. Everything seemed wonderfully fresh and beautiful in +the brightness of the new day, and the very plainness of my room had +a fascination greater than any amount of luxury. The only unusual +thing I noticed was that the soft cold water with which my bath was +supplied sparkled as though it were effervescent,--once or twice it +seemed to ripple with a diamond-like foam, and it was never actually +still. I watched its glittering movement for some minutes before +bathing--then, feeling certain it was charged with some kind of +electricity, I plunged into it without hesitation and enjoyed to the +utmost the delicious sense of invigoration it gave me. When my +toilet was completed and I had attired myself in a simple morning +gown of white linen, as being more suitable to the warmth of the +weather than the black one I had travelled in, I went to throw open +my window and let in all the freshness of the sea-air, and was +surprised to see a small low door open in the side of the turret, +through which I discovered a winding stair leading downward. +Yielding to the impulse of the moment, I descended it, and at the +end found myself in an exquisite little rock garden abutting on the +seashore. I could actually open a gate, and walk to the very edge of +the sea. I was no longer a prisoner, then!--I could run away if I +chose! + +I looked about me--and smiled as I saw the impossibility of any +escape. The little garden belonged exclusively to the turret, and on +each side of it impassable rocks towered up almost to the height of +the Chateau d'Aselzion itself, while the bit of shore on which I +stood was equally hemmed in by huge boulders against which the waves +had dashed for centuries without making much visible impression. Yet +it was delightful to feel I was allowed some liberty and open air, +and I stayed for some minutes watching the sea and revelling in the +warmth of the southern sun. Then I retraced my steps slowly, looking +everywhere about me as I went, to see if there was anyone near. Not +a soul was in sight. + +I returned to my room to find my bed made as neatly as though it had +never been slept upon,--and my breakfast, consisting of a cup of +milk and some wheaten biscuits, set out upon the table. I was quite +ready for the meal, and enjoyed it. When I had finished, I took my +empty cup and plate and put them on the dresser in the niche, +whereupon the dresser was instantly lowered, and very soon +disappeared. Then I began to wonder how I should employ myself. It +was no use writing letters, though I had my own travelling desk +ready for this purpose,--I did not wish my friends or acquaintances +to know where I was--and even if I had written to any of them it was +hardly likely that my correspondence would ever reach them. For I +felt sure the mystic Brotherhood of Aselzion would not allow me to +communicate with the outside world so long as I remained with them. +I sat meditating,--and I began to consider that several days passed +thus aimlessly would be difficult to bear. I could not keep correct +count of time, my watch having stopped, and there was no clock or +chime of any sort in the place that I could hear. The stillness +around me would have been oppressive but for the soft dash of little +waves breaking on the beach below my window. All at once, to my +great joy, the door of my room opened, and the personage called +Honorius entered. He bent his head slightly by way of salutation, +and then said briefly,-- + +"You are commanded to follow me." + +I rose obediently, and stood ready. He looked at me intently and +with curiosity, as though he sought to read my mind. Remembering +that Aselzion had said I was not to speak unless spoken to, I only +returned his look steadfastly, and with a smile. + +"You are not unhappy, or afraid, or restless,"--he said, slowly-- +"That is well! You are making a good beginning. And now, whatever +you see or hear, keep silence! If you desire to speak, speak now-- +but after we leave this room not a word must escape your lips--not a +single exclamation,--your business is to listen, learn and obey!" + +He waited--giving me the opportunity to say something in reply--but +I preferred to hold my peace. He then handed me a folded length of +soft white material, opaque, yet fine and silky as gossamer. + +"Cover yourself with this veil,"--he said--"and do not raise it till +you return here." + +I unfolded it and threw it quickly over me--it was as delicate as a +filmy cloud and draped me from head to foot, effectually concealing +me from the eyes of others though I myself could see through it +perfectly. Honorius then signed to me to follow, and I did so, my +heart beating quickly with excitement and expectation. + +We went through many passages with intricate turnings that seemed to +have no outlet,--it was like threading one's way through a maze-- +till at last I found myself shut within a small cell-like place with +an opening in front of me through which I gazed upon a strange and +picturesque scene. I saw the interior of a small but perfectly +beautiful Gothic chapel, exquisitely designed, and lit by numerous +windows of stained glass, through which the sunlight filtered in +streams of radiant colour, patterning with gold, crimson and blue, +the white marble flooring below. Between every tapering column that +supported the finely carved roof, were two rows of benches, one +above the other, and here sat an array of motionless white figures,- +-men in the garb of their mysterious Order, their faces almost +concealed by their drooping cowls. There was no altar in this +chapel,--but at its eastern end where the altar might have been, was +a dark purple curtain against which blazed in brilliant luminance a +Cross and Seven-pointed Star. The rays of light shed by this +uplifted Symbol of an unwritten Creed were so vivid as to be almost +blinding, and nearly eclipsed the summer glory of the sun itself. +Awed by the strange and silent solemnity of my surroundings, I was +glad to be hidden under the folds of my enshrouding white veil, +though I realised that I was in a sort of secret recess made +purposely for the use of those who were summoned to see all that +went on in the chapel without being seen. I waited, full of eager +anticipation,--and presently the low vibrating sound of the organ +trembled on the air, gradually increasing in volume and power till a +magnificent rush of music poured from it like a sudden storm +breaking through clouds. I drew a long breath of pure ecstasy,--I +could have knelt and wept tears of gratitude for the mere sense of +hearing! Such music was divine!--the very idea of mortality was +swallowed up in it and destroyed, and the imprisoned soul mounted up +to the highest life on wings of light, rejoicing! + +When it ceased, as it did all too soon, there followed a profound +silence,--so profound that I could hear the quick beating of my own +heart as if I were the only living thing in the place. I turned my +eyes towards the dazzling Cross and Star with its ever darting rays +of fiery brilliancy, and the effect of its perpetual sparkle of +lambent fire was as if an electric current were giving off messages +which no mortal skill would ever be able to decipher or put into +words, but which found their way to one's deepest inward +consciousness. All at once there was a slight movement among the +rows of white-garmented, white-cowled figures hitherto sitting so +motionless,--and with one accord they rose to their feet as a +figure, tall, stately and imposing, came walking slowly across the +chapel and stood directly in front of the flaming Symbol, holding +both hands outstretched as though invoking a blessing. It was the +Master, Aselzion,--Aselzion invested with such dignity and splendour +as I had never thought possible to man. He might have posed for some +god or hero,--his aspect was one of absolute power and calm self- +poise,--other men might entertain doubts of themselves at the +intention of their lives, but this one in his mere bearing expressed +sureness, strength and authority. He wore his cowl thrown back, and +from where I sat in my secluded corner I could see his features +distinctly, and could watch the flash of his fine steadfast eyes as +he turned them upon his followers. Keeping his hands extended, he +said, in a firm, clear voice: + +"To the Creator of all things visible and invisible let us offer up +our gratitude and praise, and so begin this day!" + +And a responsive murmur of voices answered him: + + "We praise Thee, O Divine Power of Love and Life eternal! + We praise Thee for all we are! + We praise Thee for all we have been! + We praise Thee for all we hope to be!--Amen." + +There followed a moment's tense silence. Then the assembled brethren +sat down in their places, and Aselzion spoke in measured, distinct +accents, with the easy and assured manner of a practised orator. + +"Friends and Brethren! + +"We are gathered here together to consider in this moment of time +the things we have done in the past, and the things we are preparing +to do in the future. We know that from the Past, stretching back +into infinity, we have ourselves made the Present,--and according to +Divine law we also know that from this Present, stretching forward +into infinity, we shall ourselves evolve all that is yet To Come. +There is no power, no deity, no chance, no 'fortuitous concurrence +of atoms' in what is simply a figure of the Universal Mathematics. +Nothing can be 'forgiven' under the eternal law of Compensation,-- +nothing need be 'prayed for,' since everything is designed to +accomplish each individual spirit's ultimate good. You are here to +learn not only the secret of life, but something of how to live that +life; and I, in my capacity, am only striving to teach what Nature +has been showing you for thousands of centuries, though you have not +cared to master her lessons. The science of to-day is but Nature's +first primer--a spelling-book as it were, with the alphabet set out +in pictures. You are told by sagacious professors,--who after all +are no more than children in their newly studied wisdom,--that human +life was evolved in the first instance from protoplasm--as they +THINK,--but they lack the ability to tell you how the protoplasm was +itself evolved--and WHY; where the material came from that went to +the making of millions of solar systems and trillions of living +organisms concerning whose existence we have no knowledge or +perception. Some of them deny a God,--but most of them are driven to +confess that there must be an Intelligence, supreme and omnipotent, +behind the visible Universe. Order cannot come out of Chaos without +a directing Mind; and Order would be quickly submerged into Chaos +again were not the directing Mind of a nature to sustain its method +and condition. + +"We start, therefore, with this Governing Intelligence or directing +Mind, which must, like the brain of man, be dual, combining the male +and female attributes, since we see that it expresses itself +throughout all creation in dual form and type. Intelligence, Mind, +or Spirit, whichever we may elect to call it, is inherently active +and must find an outlet for its powers,--and the very fact of this +necessity produces Desire to perpetuate Itself in varied ways: this +again is the first attribute of Love. Hence Love is the foundation +of worlds, and the source of all living organisms,--the dual atoms, +or ions of spirit and matter yielding to Attraction, Union and +Reproduction. If we master this fact reasonably and thoroughly, we +shall be nearer the comprehension of life." + +He paused a moment,--then advanced a step or two and went on, the +flaming Symbol behind him seeming literally to envelop him in its +beams, + +"What we have to learn first of all is, how these laws affect us as +individual human beings and as separate personalities. It is +necessary to avoid all obscurity of language in setting forth the +simple principles which should guide and preserve each human +existence, and my explanation shall be as brief and plain as I can +make it. Granted that there is a Divine Mind or Governing +Intelligence behind the infinitude of vital and productive atoms +which in their union and reproduction build up the wonders of the +Universe, we see and admit that one of the chief results of the +working of this Divine Mind is Man. He is, so we have been told-- +'the image of God.' This expression may be taken as a poetic line in +the Scriptures, meaning no more than poetic imagery,--but it is +nevertheless a truth. Man is a kind of Universe in himself--he too +is a conglomeration of atoms--atoms that are active, reproductive, +and desirous of perpetual creativeness. Behind them, as in the +nature of the Divine, there is the Governing Intelligence, the Mind, +the Spirit,--dual in type, double-sexed in action. Without the Mind +to control it, the constitution of Man is chaos,--just as the +Universe itself would be without the Creator's governance. What we +have chiefly to remember is, that just as the Spirit behind visible +Nature is Divine and eternal, so is the Spirit behind each one of +our individual selves also Divine and eternal. It HAS BEEN always,-- +it WILL BE always, and we move as distinct personalities through +successive phases of life, each one under the influence of his or +her own controlling Soul, to higher and ever higher perception and +attainment. The great majority of the world's inhabitants live with +less consciousness of this Spirit than flies or worms--they build up +religions in which they prate of God and immortality as children +prattle, without the smallest effort to understand either,--and at +the Change which they call death, they pass out of this life without +having taken the trouble to discover, acknowledge or use the +greatest gift God has bestowed upon them. But we,--we who are here +to realise the existence of the all-powerful Force which gives us +complete mastery over the things of space and time and matter--we, +who know that over that individual moving universe of atoms called +Man, It can hold absolute control,--we can prove for ourselves that +the whole earth is subject to the dominance of the immortal Soul,-- +ay!--and the very elements of air, fire and water!--for these are +but the ministers and servants to Its sovereign authority!" + +He paused again--and after a minute or two of silence, went on-- + +"This beautiful earth, this over-arching sky, the exquisite things +of Nature's form and loveliness, are all given to Man, not only for +his material needs, but for his spiritual growth and evolvement. +From the light of the sun he may draw fresh warmth and colour for +his blood--from the air new supplies of life--from the very trees +and herbs and flowers he may renew his strength,--and there is +nothing created that is not intended to add in some measure to his +pleasure and well-being. For if the foundation of the Universe be +Love, as it is, then Love desires to see its creatures happy. Misery +has no place in the Divine scheme of things--it is the result of +Man's own opposition to Natural Law. In Natural Law, all things work +calmly, slowly and steadfastly together for good--Nature silently +obeys God's ordinance. Man, on the contrary, questions, argues, +denies, rebels,--with the result that he scatters his force and +fails in his highest effort. It is in his own power to renew his own +youth--his own vitality,--yet we see him sink of his own accord into +feebleness and decrepitude, giving himself up, as it were, to be +devoured by the disintegrating influences which he could easily +repel. For, as the directing Spirit of God governs the infinitude of +atoms and star-dust which go to make up universes, so the mind of a +Man should govern the atoms and star-dust of which he himself is +composed--guiding their actions and renewing them at pleasure,-- +forming them into suns and systems of thought and creative power, +and wasting no particle of his eternal life forces. He can be what +he elects to be,--a god,--or merely one of a mass of units in +embryo, drifting away from one phase of existence to another in +unintelligent indifference, and so compelling himself to pass +centuries of aimless movement before entering upon any marked or +decisive path of individual and separate action. The greater number +prefer to be nothings in this way, though they cannot escape the +universal grinding mill,--they must be used for some purpose in the +end, be they never so reluctant. Therefore, we, who study the latent +powers of man, judge it wiser to meet and accept our destiny rather +than fall back in the race and allow destiny to overtake US and whip +us into place with rods of sharp experience. If there is anyone here +present who now desires to speak,--to ask a question,--or deny a +statement, let him come forward boldly and say what he has to say +without fear." + +As he thus spoke, I, looking from my little hidden recess, saw a +movement among the seated brethren; one of them rose and descending +from his place, walked slowly towards Aselzion till he was within a +few paces of him--then he paused, and threw back his cowl, showing a +worn handsome face on which some great sorrow seemed to be marked +too strongly to be ever erased. + +"I do not wish to live!"--he said--"I came here to study life, but +not to learn how to keep it. I would lose it gladly for the merest +trifle! For life is to me a bitter thing--a hideous and inexplicable +torment! Why should you, O Aselzion, teach us how to live long? Why +not rather teach us how to die soon?" + +Aselzion's eyes were bent upon him with a grave and tender +compassion. + +"What accusation do you bring against life?" he asked--"How has life +wronged you?" + +"How has life wronged me?" and the unhappy man threw up his hands +with a gesture of desperation--"You, who profess to read thought and +gauge the soul, can you ask? How has life wronged me? By sheer +injustice! From my first breath--for I never asked to be born!--from +my early days when all my youthful dreams and aspirations were +checked, smothered and killed by loving parents!--loving parents, +forsooth!--whose idea of 'love' was money! Every great ambition +frustrated--every higher hope slain!--and in my own love--that love +of woman which is man's chief curse--even she was false and +worthless as a spurious coin--caring nothing whether my life was +saved or ruined--it was ruined, of course!--but what matter?--who +need care! Only the weariness of it all!--the day after day burden +of time!--the longing to lie down and hide beneath the comfortable +grass in peace,--where no false friend, no treacherous love, no +'kind' acquaintances, glad to see me suffer, can ever point their +mocking hands or round their cruel eyes at me again! Aselzion, if +the God you serve is half as wicked as the men He made, then Heaven +itself is Hell!" + +He spoke deliberately, yet with passion. Aselzion silently regarded +him. The fiery Cross and Star blazed with strange colours like +millions of jewels, and the deep stillness in the chapel was for +many minutes unbroken. All at once, as though impelled by some +irresistible force, he sank on his knees. + +"Aselzion! As you are strong, have patience with the weak! As you +see the Divine, pity those who are blind! As you stand firm, stretch +a hand to those whose feet are on the shifting quicksands, and if +death and oblivion are among the gifts of your bestowal, withhold +them not from me, for I would rather die than live!" + +There was a pause. Then Aselzion's voice, calm, clear and very +gentle, vibrated on the silence. + +"There is no death!" he said--"You cannot die! There is no +oblivion,--you may not forget! There is but one way of life--to live +it!" + +Another moment's stillness--then again the steady, resolute voice +went on. + +"You accuse life of injustice,--it is you who are unjust to life! +Life gave you those dreams and aspirations you speak of,--it was in +your power to realise them! I say it was in your power, had you +chosen! No parents, no friends, not God Himself, can stop you from +doing what you WILL to do! Who frustrated any great ambition of +yours but yourself? Who can slay a hope but him in whose soul it was +born? And that love of woman?--was she your true mate?--or only a +thing of eyes and hair and vanity? Did your passion touch her body +only, or did it reach her Soul? Did you seek to know whether that +Soul had ever wakened within her, or were you too well satisfied +with her surface beauty to care? In all these things blame Yourself, +not life!--for life gives you earth and heaven, time and eternity +for the attainment of joy--joy, in which, but for Yourself, there +would never be a trace of sorrow!" + +The kneeling penitent--for such he now appeared to be--covered his +face with his hands. + +"I cannot give you death,"--continued Aselzion-"You can take what is +called by that name for yourself if you choose--you can by your own +action, sudden or premeditated, destroy this present form and +composition of yourself for just so long as it takes the forces of +Nature to build you up again--an incredibly brief moment of time! +But you gain nothing--you neither lose your consciousness nor your +memory! Ponder this well before you pull down your present dwelling- +house!--for ingratitude breeds narrowness, and your next habitation +might be smaller and less fitted for peace and quiet breathing!" + +With these words, gently spoken, he raised the penitent from his +knees, and signed to him to return to his place. He did so +obediently, without another word, pulling his cowl closely about him +so that none of his fellow-brethren might see his features. Another +man then stepped forward and addressed Aselzion. + +"Master"--he said, "would it not be better to die than to grow old? +If, as you teach us, there is no real death, should there be any +real decay? What pleasure is there in life when the strength fails +and the pulses slacken--when the warm blood grows chill and +stagnant, and when even those we have loved consider we have lived +too long? I who speak now am old, though I am not conscious of age-- +but others are conscious for me,--their looks, their words, imply +that I am in their way--that I am slowly dying like a lopped tree +and that the process is too tedious for their impatience. And yet--I +could be young!--my powers of work have increased rather than +lessened--I enjoy life more than those that have youth on their +side--but I know I carry the burden of seventy years upon me, and I +say that surely it is better to die than live even so long!" + +Aselzion, standing in the full light of the glittering Cross and +Star, looked upon him with a smile. + +"I also carry the burden--if burden you must call it--of seventy +years!" he said--"But years are nothing to me--they should be +nothing to you. Who asked you to count them or to consider them? In +the world of wild Nature, time is measured by seasons only--the bird +does not know how old it is--the rose-tree does not count its +birthdays! You, whom I know to be a brave man and patient student, +have lived the usual life of men in the world--you are wedded to a +Woman who has never cared to understand the deeper side of your +nature, and who is now far older than you, though in actual years +younger,--you have children who look upon you as their banker merely +and who, while feigning affection, really wait for your death with +eagerness in order to possess your fortune. You might as well have +never had those children!--I know all this as you yourself know it-- +I also know that through the word-impressions and influence of so- +called 'friends' who wish to persuade you of your age, the +disintegrating process has begun,--but this can be arrested. You +yourself can arrest it!--the dream of Faust is no fallacy!--only +that the renewal of youth is not the work of magic evil, but of +natural good. If you would be young, leave the world as you have +known it and begin it anew,--leave wife, children, friends, all that +hang like fungi upon an oak, rotting its trunk and sapping its +strength without imparting any new form of vitality. Live again-- +love again!" + +"I!"--and he who was thus spoken to threw back his cowl, showing a +face wan and deeply wrinkled, yet striking in its fine +intellectuality of feature--"I!--with these white hairs! You jest +with me, Aselzion!" + +"I never jest!"--replied Aselzion--"I leave jesting to the fools who +prate of life without comprehending its first beginnings. I do not +jest with you--put me to the proof! Obey my rules here but for six +months and you shall pass out of these walls with every force in +your body and spirit renewed in youth and vitality! But Yourself +must work the miracle,--which, after all, is no miracle! Yourself +must build Yourself!--as everyone is bound to do who would make the +fullest living out of life. If you hesitate,--if you draw back,--if +you turn with one foolish regret or morbid thought to your past +mistakes in life which ARE past--to her, your wife, a wife in name +but never in soul,--to your children, born of animal instinct but +not of spiritual deep love,--to those your 'friends' who count up +your years as though they were crimes,--you check the work of re- +invigoration, and you stultify the forces of renewal. You must +choose--and the choice must be voluntary and deliberate,--for no man +becomes aged and effete without his own intention and inclination to +that end,--and equally, no man retains or renews his youth without a +similar intention and inclination. Take two days to consider--and +then tell me your mind." + +The man he thus addressed hesitated as though he had something more +to say--then with a deep obeisance went back to his place. Aselzion +waited till he was seated--and after the brief interval spoke again- +- + +"If all of you here present are content with your rule of life in +this place, and with the studies you are undertaking, and none of +you wish to leave, I ask for the usual sign." + +All the brethren rose, and raised their arms above their heads-- +dropping them slowly again after a second's pause. + +"Enough!" and Aselzion now moved towards the Cross and Star, +fronting it fully. As he did so, I saw to my astonishment and +something of terror that the rays proceeding from the centre of the +Symbol flamed out to an extraordinary length, surrounding his whole +figure and filling the chapel with a lurid brilliancy as though it +were suddenly on fire. Straight into the centre of the glowing +flames he steadily advanced--then, at a certain point, turned again +and faced his followers. But what an aspect now was his! The light +about him seemed to be part of his very body and garments--he was +transfigured into the semblance of something god-like and angelic-- +and I was overcome with fear and awe as I looked upon him. Lifting +one hand, he made the sign of the cross,--whereat the white-robed +brethren descended from their places, and walking one by one in +line, came up to him where he stood. He spoke--and his voice rang +out like a silver clarion-- + +"O Divine Light!" he exclaimed--"We are a part of Thee, and into +Thee we desire to become absorbed! From Thee we know we may obtain +an immortality of life upon this gracious earth! O Nature, beloved +Mother, whose bosom burns with hidden fires of strength, we are thy +children, born of thee in spirit as in matter,--in us thou hast +distilled thy rains and dews, thy snows and frosts, thy sunlight and +thy storm!--in us thou hast embodied thy prolific beauty, thy +productiveness, thy power and thy advancement towards good--and more +than all thou hast endowed us with the divine passion of Love which +kindles the fire whereof thou art created and whereby we are +sustained! Take us, O Light! Keep us, O Nature!--and Thou, O God, +Supreme Spirit of Love, whose thought is Flame, and whose desire is +Creation, be Thou our guide, supporter and instructor through all +worlds without end! Amen!" + +Once more the glorious music of the organ surged through the chapel +like a storm,--and I, trembling in every limb, knelt, covering my +veiled face closely with my hands, overcome by the splendour of the +sound and the strangeness of the scene. Gradually, very gradually, +the music died away--a deep silence followed--and when I lifted my +head, the chapel was empty! Aselzion and his disciples had vanished, +noiselessly, as though they had never been present. Only the Cross +and Star still remained glittering against its dark purple +background--darting out long tremulous rays, some of which were pale +violet, others crimson, others of the delicate hues of the pink +topaz. + +I looked round,--then behind me,--and to my surprise saw that the +door of my little recess had been unlocked and left open. Acting on +an impulse too strong to resist, I stole softly out, and stepping on +tiptoe, scarcely daring to breathe, I found my way through a low +archway into the body of the chapel, and stood there all alone, my +heart beating loudly with positive terror. Yet there was nothing to +fear. No one was near me that I could see, but I felt as if there +were thousands of eyes watching me from the roof, from behind the +columns, and from the stained-glass windows that shed their light on +the marble pavement. And the glowing radiance of the Cross and Star +in all that stillness was almost terrible!--the long bright rays +were like tongues of fire mutely expressing unutterable things! +Fascinated, I drew nearer and nearer--then paused abruptly, checked +by a kind of vibration under me, as though the ground rocked-- +presently, however, I gained fresh courage to go on, and by degrees +was drawn into a perfect vortex of light which rushed upon me like +great waves on all sides so forcibly that I had hardly any knowledge +of my own movements. Like a creature in a dream I moved,--my very +hands looked transparent and spirit-like as I stretched them out +towards that marvellous Symbol!--and when my eyes glanced for a +moment at the folds of my covering veil I saw that its white +silkiness shone with a pale amethystine hue. On--on I went,--a +desperate idea possessing me to go as far as I could into that +strange starry centre of living luminance--the very boldness of the +thought appalled me even while I encouraged it--but step by step I +went on resolutely till I suddenly felt myself caught as it were in +a wheel of fire! Round and round me it whirled,--darting points of +radiance as sharp as spears which seemed to enter my body and stab +it through and through--I struggled for breath and tried to draw +back,--impossible! I was tangled up in a net of endless light- +vibrations which, though they gave forth no heat, yet quivered +through my whole being with searching intensity as though bent on +probing to the very centre of my soul! I could not utter a sound,--I +stood there dumb, immovable, and shrouded in million-coloured flame, +too stunned with the shock to realise my own identity. Then all at +once something dark and cool floated over me like the shadow of a +passing cloud--I looked up and strove to utter a cry,--a word of +appeal!--and then fell to the ground, lost in complete +unconsciousness. + + + + +XV + +A FIRST LESSON + + +I do not know how long I lay there lost to sight and sense, but when +I came to myself, I was in a quiet, shadowy place, like a kind of +little hermitage, with a window opening out upon the sea. I was +lying on a couch, with the veil I had worn still covering me, and as +I opened my eyes and looked about me I saw that it was night, and +that the moon was tracing a silver network of beams across the +waves. There was a delicious fragrance on the air--it came from a +group of roses set in a tall crystal vase close to where I lay. +Then, as I gradually regained full knowledge of my own existence, I +perceived a table in the room with a lamp burning upon it, and at +the table sat no less a personage than Aselzion himself, reading. I +was so amazed at the sight of him that for the moment I lay inert, +afraid to move--for I was almost sure I had incurred his +displeasure--till suddenly, with the feeling of a child seeking +pardon for an offence, I sprang up and ran to him, throwing myself +on my knees at his feet. + +"Aselzion, forgive me!" I murmured--"I have done wrong--I had no +right to go so far--" + +He turned his eyes upon me, smiling, and took me gently by the +hands. + +"Who denies your right to go far if you have the strength and +courage?"--he said--"Dear child, I have nothing to forgive! You are +the maker of your own destiny! But you have been bold!--though you +are a mere woman you have dared to do what few men attempt. This is +the power of love within you--that perfect love which casteth out +fear! You risked a danger which has not harmed you--you have come +out of it unscathed,--so may it be with every ordeal through which +you may yet be tried as by fire!" + +He raised me from where I knelt,--but I still held his hands. + +"I could not help it!" I said--"Your command for me was 'silence and +solitude'--and in that silence and solitude I remained while I +watched you all,--and I heard everything that was said--this was +your wish and order. And when you all went away, the silence and +solitude would have been the same but for that Cross and Star! THEY +seemed to speak!--to call me--to draw me to them--and I went--hardly +knowing why, yet feeling that I MUST go!--and then--" + +Aselzion pressed my hands gently. + +"Then the Light claimed its own,"--he said--"and courage had its +reward! The door of your recess in the chapel was opened by my +instructions,--I wished to see what you would do. You have no +conception as yet of what you HAVE done!--but that does not matter. +You have passed one test successfully--for had you remained passive +in your place till someone came to remove you, I should have known +you for a creature of weak will and transitory impulses. But you are +stronger than I thought--so to-night I have come to give you your +first lesson." + +"My first lesson!" I repeated the words after him wonderingly as he +let go my hands and put me gently into a chair which I had not +perceived but which stood in the shadow cast by the lamp almost +immediately opposite to him. + +"Yes!--your first lesson!" he answered, smiling gravely--"The first +lesson in what you have come here to learn,--the perpetuation of +your life on earth for just so long as you desire it--the secret +which gives to Rafel Santoris his youth and strength and power, as +well as his governance over certain elemental forces. But first take +this"--and he poured out from a quaintly shaped flask a full glass +of deep red-coloured wine--"This is no magic potion--it is simply a +form of nourishment which will be safer for you than solid food,-- +and I know you have eaten nothing all day since your light +breakfast. Drink it all--every drop!" + +I obeyed--it seemed tasteless and strengthless, like pure water. + +"Now"--he continued--"I will put before you a very simple +illustration of the truth which underlies all Nature. If you were +taken into a vast plain, and there saw two opposing armies, the one +actuated by a passion for destruction, the other moved only by a +desire for good, you would naturally wish the latter force to win, +would you not?" + +I answered "Yes" at once, without hesitation. + +"But suppose"--he went on--"that BOTH armies were actuated by good, +and that the object of the destroying force was only to break down +what was effete and mischievous, in order to build it up again in +stronger and nobler forms, while the aim of the other was to +strictly preserve and maintain the advantages it possessed, which +side would then have your sympathy?" + +I tried to think, but could not instantly determine. + +"Here is your point of hesitation,"--he said--"and here the usual +limit of human comprehension. Both forces are good,--but as a rule +we can only side with one. We name that one Life,--the other Death. +We think Life alone stands for what is living, and that Death is a +kind of cessation of Life instead of being one of Life's most active +forms. The Universe is entirely composed of these two fighting +forces--we call them good and evil--but there is no evil-there is +only a destruction of what MIGHT be harmful if allowed to exist. To +put it clearly, the million millions of atoms and electrons which +compose the everlasting elements of Spirit and Matter are dual--that +is to say, of two kinds--those which preserve their state of +equilibrium, and those whose work is to disintegrate, in order to +build up again. As with the Universe, so with the composition of a +human being. In you, as in myself, there exist these two forces--and +our souls are, so to speak, placed on guard between them. The one +set of atoms is prepared to maintain the equilibrium of health and +life, but if through the neglect and unwatchfulness of the sentinel +Soul any of them are allowed to become disused and effete, the other +set, whose business it is to disintegrate whatever is faulty and +useless for the purpose of renewing it in better form, begins to +work--and this disintegrating process is our conception of decay and +death. Yet, as a matter of fact, such process cannot even BEGIN +without our consent and collusion. Life can be retained in our +possession for an indefinite period on this earth,--but it can only +be done through our own actions--our own wish and will." + +I looked at him questioningly. + +"One may wish and will many things,"--I said--"But the result is not +always successful." + +"Is that your experience?" he asked, bending his keen eyes full upon +me--"You know, if you are true to yourself, that no power can resist +the insistence of a strong Will brought steadily to bear on any +intention. If the effort fails, it is only because the Will has +hesitated. What have you made of some of your past lives--you and +your lover both--through hesitation at a supreme moment!" + +I looked at him appealingly. + +"If we made mistakes, could we altogether help it?" I asked--"Does +it not seem that we tried for the best?" + +He smiled slightly. + +"No, it does not seem so to me,"--he replied--"The mainspring of +your various previous existences,--the law of attraction drawing you +together was, and is, Love. This you fought against as though it +were a crime, and in many cases you obeyed the temporary +conventionalities of man rather than the unchanging ordinance of +God. And now--divided as you have been--lost as you have been in +endless whirlpools of infinitude, you are brought together again-- +and though your lover has ceased to question, you have not ceased to +doubt!" + +"I do not doubt!" I exclaimed, suddenly, and with passion--"I love +him with all my soul!--I will never lose him again!" + +Aselzion looked at me questioningly. + +"How do you know you have not lost him already?" he said. + +At this a sudden wave of despair swept over me--a chill sense of +emptiness and desolation. Could it be possible that my own rashness +and selfishness had again separated me from my beloved?--for so I +now called him in my heart--had I by some foolish, distrustful +thought estranged him once more from my soul? The rising tears +choked me--I rose from my seat, hardly knowing what I did, and went +to the window for air--Aselzion followed me and laid his hand gently +on my shoulder. + +"It is not so difficult to win love as to keep it!"--he said-- +"Misunderstanding, and want of quick sympathy, end in heart-break +and separation. And this is far worse than what mortals call death." + +The burning tears fell slowly from my eyes--every word seemed to +pierce my heart--I looked yearningly out on the sea, rippling under +the moon. I thought of the day, barely a week ago, when Rafel stood +beside me, his hand clasping mine,--such a little division of time +seemed to have elapsed since we were together, and yet how long! At +last I spoke-- + +"I would rather die, if death were possible, than lose his love"--I +said--"And where there is no love, surely there must be death?" + +Aselzion sighed. + +"Poor child! Now you understand why the lonely Soul hurls itself +wildly from one phase of existence to another till it finds its true +mate!"--he answered--"You say truly that where there is no love +there is no real life. It is merely a semi-conscious existence. But +you have no cause to grieve--not now,--not if you are firm and +faithful. Rafel Santoris is safe and well--and his soul is so much +with you--you are so constantly in his thoughts, that it is as if he +were himself here--see!" + +And he placed his two hands for a moment over my eyes and then +removed them. I uttered a cry of ecstasy--for there before me on the +moonlit water I saw the 'Dream'!--her sails glittering with light, +and her aerial shape clearly defined against the sky! Oh, how I +longed to fly across the strip of water which alone seemed to divide +us!--and once more to stand on the deck beside him whom I now loved +more than my very hopes of heaven! But I knew it was only a vision +conjured up before me by the magic of Aselzion,--a magic used gently +for my sake, to help and comfort me in a moment of sadness and +heart's longing. And I watched, knowing that the picture must fade,- +-as it slowly did,--vanishing like a rainbow in a swirl of cloud. + +"It is indeed a 'Dream'!" I said, smiling faintly, as I turned again +to Aselzion--"I pray that love itself may never be so fleeting!" + +"If love is fleeting, it is not love!"--he answered--"As ephemeral +passion called by that name is the ordinary sort of attraction +existing between ordinary men and women,--men, who see no farther +than the gratification of a desire, and women, who see no higher +than the yielding to that desire. Men who love in the highest and +most faithful meaning of the term, are much rarer than women,--women +are very near the divine in love when it is first awakened in them-- +if afterwards they sink to a lower level, it is generally the men +who have dragged them down. Unless a man is bent on the highest, he +is apt to settle on the lowest--whereas a woman generally soars to +the highest ideals at first in the blind instinct of a Soul seeking +its mate--how often she is hurled back from the empyrean only the +angels know! Not to all is given power to master and control the +life-forces--and it is this I would have you understand before I +leave you to-night. I can teach you the way to hold your life safely +above all disintegrating elements--but the learning of the lesson +rests with yourself." + +He sat down, and I resumed my place in the chair opposite to him, +prepared to hear him with the closest attention. There were a few +things on the table which I had not previously noticed, and one of +these was a circular object covered with a cloth. He removed this +covering, and showed me a crystal globe which appeared to be full of +some strange volatile fluid, clear in itself, but intersected with +endless floating brilliant dots and lines. + +"Look well at this"--he said--"for here you have a very simple +manifestation of a great truth. These dots and lines which you +observe perpetually in motion are an epitome of what is going on in +the composition of every human being. Some of them, as you see, go +in different directions, yet meet and mingle with each other at +various points of convergence--then again become separated. They are +the building-up and the disintegrating forces of the whole cosmos-- +and--mark this well!--they are all, when unimprisoned, directed by a +governing will-power. You, in your present state of existence, are +simply an organised Form, composed of these atoms, and your will- +power, which is part of the Divine creative influence, is set within +you to govern them. If you govern them properly, the building-up and +revivifying atoms within you obey your command, and with increasing +strength gradually control and subdue their disintegrating +opponents,--opponents which after all are only their servants, ready +to disencumber them from all that is worthless and useless at the +first sign of disablement. There is nothing more simple than this +law, which has only to be followed in order to preserve both life +and youth. It 5s all contained in an effort of the WILL, to which +everything in Nature responds, just as a well-steered ship obeys the +compass. Remember this well!--I say, EVERYTHING IN NATURE! This +crystal globe holds momentarily imprisoned atoms which cannot just +now be directed because they are shut in, away from all Will to +govern them--but if I left them as they are for a few more hours +their force would shatter the crystal, and they would escape to +resume their appointed way. They are only shown to you as an object +lesson, to prove that such things ARE--they are facts, not dreams. +You, like this crystal globe, are full of imprisoned atoms--atoms of +Spirit and Matter which work together to make you what you are--but +you have also the governing Will which is meant to control them and +move them either to support, sustain and revivify you, or else to +weaken, break down and finally disperse and disintegrate you, +preparatory to your assumption of another form and phase of +existence. Now, do you begin to understand?" + +"I think I do,"--I answered--"But is it possible always to make this +effort of the Will?" + +"There is no moment in which you do not, consciously or +subconsciously, 'will' something"--he answered--"And the amount of +power you use up in 'willing' perfectly trifling and ephemeral +things, could almost lift a planet! But let us take simple actions-- +such as raising a hand. You think this movement instinctive or +mechanical--but it is only because you WILL to raise it that you can +do it. If you willed NOT to raise it, it could not raise itself OF +itself. This tremendous force,--this divine gift of will-power, is +hardly exercised at all by the majority of men and women--hence +their manner of drifting here and there--their pliable yielding to +this or that opinion--the easy sway obtained over the million by a +few leaders and reformers--the infectious follies which possess +whole communities at a time--the caprices of fashion--the moods of +society--all these are due to scattered will-power, which if +concentrated would indeed 'replenish the earth and subdue it.' But +we cannot teach the world, and therefore we must be content to teach +and train a few individuals only. And when you ask if it is possible +always to make the necessary effort of will, I answer yes,--of +course it is possible. The secret of it all is to resolve upon a +firm attitude and maintain it. If you encourage thoughts of fear, +hesitation, disease, trouble, decay, incompetency, failure and +feebleness, you at once give an impetus to the disintegrating forces +within you to begin their work--and you gradually become ill, +timorous, and diseased in mind and body. If, on the contrary, your +thoughts are centred on health, vitality, youth, joy, love and +creativeness, you encourage all the revivifying elements of your +system to build up new nerve tissue and fresh brain cells, as well +as to make new blood. No scientist has ever really discovered any +logical cause why human beings should die--they are apparently +intended to live for an indefinite period. It is they themselves who +kill themselves,--even so-called 'accidents' are usually the result +of their own carelessness, recklessness or inattention to warning +circumstance. I am trying to put all this as simply as I can to +you,--there are hundreds of books which you might study, in which +the very manner of expression is so abstruse and involved that even +the most cultured intelligence can scarcely grasp it,--but what I +have told you is perfectly easy of comprehension,--the only +difficulty lies in its practical application. To-night, therefore, +and for the remainder of the time you are here, you will enter upon +certain tests and trials of your will-force--and the result of these +will prove whether you are strong enough to be successful in your +quest of life and youth and love. If you are capable of maintaining +the true attitude,--if you can find and keep the real centre-poise +of the Divine Image within you, all will be well. And remember, that +if you once learn how to govern and control the atomic forces within +yourself, you will equally govern and control all atomic forces +which come within your atmosphere. This gives you what would be +called by the ignorant 'miraculous' power, though it is no miracle. +It is nothing more than the attitude of Spirit controlling Matter. +You will find yourself not only able to govern your own forces but +also to draw upon Nature for fresh supplies--the air, the sunshine, +the trees, the flowers, will give you all they have to give on +demand--and nothing shall be refused to you. 'Ask, and ye shall +receive--seek, and ye shall find--knock, and it shall be opened unto +you.' Naturally the law is, that what you receive you must give out +again in an ungrudging outflow of love and generosity and +beneficence and sympathy, not only towards mankind but to everything +that lives--for as you are told--'Give, and it shall be given unto +you; good measure, pressed down and shaken together and running +over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that +ye mete withal, it shall be measured to you again.' These sayings of +our greatest Master are heard so often that they are considered by +many people almost trite and commonplace,--but they hold a truth +from which we cannot escape. Even such a little matter as a kind +word is paid back to the one who uttered it with a double interest +of kindness, while a cruel or coarse one carries its own punishment. +Those who take without giving are generally unsuccessful in their +lives and aims--while those who give without taking appear to be +miraculously served by both fame and fortune,--this being merely the +enactment of the spiritual law." + +"I do not want fame or fortune,"--I said--"Love is enough for me!" + +Aselzion smiled. + +"Enough for you indeed! My child, it is enough for all! If you have +love, you have entered into the secret mind of God! Love inspires +all nobleness, all endurance, all courage,--and I think you have +some of its attributes, for you have been bold in your first +independent essay--and it is this very boldness that has brought me +here to speak to you to-night. You have, of your own accord, and +without preparation, passed what we students and mystics call 'the +first circle of fire,' and you are therefore ready for the rest of +your trial. So I will now take you back to your own room and leave +you there, for you must face your ordeal alone." + +My heart sank a little, but I said nothing, and watched him as he +took up the crystal globe, full of the darting lines and points of +light gleaming like imprisoned fire, and held it for a moment +between his two hands. Then he set it down again, and covered it as +it had been covered before. The next moment he had extinguished the +lamp, and we stood together in the pale brilliancy of the moonlight +which now spread itself in a broad path of silver across the sea. +The tide was coming in, and I heard the solemn sound of rising waves +breaking rhythmically upon the shore. In silence Aselzion took me by +the hand and led me through a low doorway out of the little +hermitage into the open air, where we stood within a few feet of the +sea. The moonbeams bathed us in a shower of pearly radiance, and I +turned instinctively to look at my companion. His face appeared +transfigured into something of supernatural beauty, and for one +second the remembrance of how he had said in the chapel that he +carried the burden of seventy years upon him flashed across me with +a shock of surprise. Seventy years! He appeared to be in the very +prime and splendour of life, and the mere idea of age as connected +with him was absurd and incongruous. And while I gazed upon him, +wondering and fascinated, he lifted one hand as though in solemn +invocation to the stars that gleamed in their countless millions +overhead, and his voice, deep and musical, rang out softly yet +clearly on the silence:-- + +"O Supreme Guide of all the worlds created, accept this Soul which +seeks to be consecrated unto Thee! Help her to attain to all that +shall be for her wisdom and betterment, and make her one with that +Nature whereof she is born. Thou, silent and peaceful Night, invest +her with thy deep tranquillity!--thou, bright Moon, penetrate her +spirit with the shining in of holy dreams!--give her of thy strength +and depth, O Sea!--and may she draw from the treasures of the air +all health, all beauty, all life, all sweetness, so that her +existence may be a joy to the world, and her love a benediction! +Amen!" + +My whole being thrilled with a sense of keen rapture as he thus +prayed for me,--I could have knelt to him in reverence but that I +instinctively knew he would not wish this act of homage. I felt that +it was best to keep silence, and I obeyed his guiding touch as, +still holding my hand, he led me into a vaulted stone passage and up +a long winding stair at the head of which he paused, and taking a +key from his girdle, unlocked a small door. + +"There is your room, my child,"--he said, with a grave kindliness +which moved me strangely--"Farewell! The future is with yourself +alone." + +I clung to his hand for an instant. + +"Shall I not see you again?" I asked, with a little tremor in my +voice. + +"Yes--you will see me again if you pass your ordeal successfully"-- +he answered--"Not if you fail." + +"What will happen if I fail?" + +"Nothing but the most ordinary circumstance,"--he answered--"You +will leave this place in perfect safety and return to your home and +your usual avocations,--you will live as most women live, perhaps on +a slightly higher grade of thought and action--and in time you will +come to look upon your visit to the House of Aselzion as the merest +wilful escapade of folly! The world and its conventions will hold +you--" + +"Never!" I exclaimed, passionately--"Aselzion, I will not fail!" + +He looked earnestly in my face--then laid his hands on my head in a +mute blessing, and signed to me to pass into my turret room. I +obeyed. He closed the door upon me instantly--I heard the key turn +in the lock--and then--just the faint echo of his retreating +footsteps down the winding stair. My room was illumined by a very +faint light, the source of which I knew not. Everything was as I had +left it before I had been summoned to the mysterious Chapel of the +Cross and Star,--and I looked about me, tranquillised by the peace +and simplicity of my surroundings. I did not feel disposed to sleep, +and I resolved to write down from memory all that Aselzion had told +me while it was fresh in my mind. The white veil I had been given +still clung about me,--I now took it off and carefully folded it +ready for further use if needed. Sitting down at the little table, I +took out pen, ink and paper,--but somehow I could not fix my +attention on what I intended to do. The silence around me was more +intense than ever, and though my window was open I could not even +hear the murmur of the sea. I listened--hardly drawing breath--there +was not a sound. The extraordinary silence deepened--and with it +came a sense of cold; I seemed to be removed into a place apart, +where no human touch, no human voice could reach me,--and I felt as +I had never felt in all my life before, that I was indeed utterly +alone. + + + + +XVI + +SHADOW AND SOUND + + +The stillness deepened. It seemed to myself that I could hear the +quickened beating of every pulse in my body. A curious vague terror +began to possess me,--I fought against its insidious influence, and +bending my head down over the paper I had set out before me, I +prepared to write. After a few minutes I managed to gain some +control over my nerves, and started to put down clearly and in +sequence the things Aselzion had told me, though I knew there was +little danger of my ever forgetting them. And then--a sudden +sensation came over me which forced me to realise that something or +someone was in the room, looking steadfastly at me. + +With an effort, I raised my head, and saw nothing at first--then, by +degrees, I became aware that a Shadow, dark and impenetrable, stood +between me and the open window. At first it seemed simply a formless +mass of black vapour,--but very gradually it assumed the outline of +a Shape which did not seem human. I laid down my pen,--and, with my +heart thumping hammer-strokes of fear, looked at this strange +Darkness gathered as it were in one place and blocking out the +silver gleam of the moon. As I looked, all the light in my room was +suddenly extinguished. A cry rose involuntarily to my lips--and +physical fright began to gain the mastery over me. For with the +increasing gloom the mysterious Shadow grew more and more defined--a +blackness standing out as it were against another blackness,--the +pale glint of the moonbeams only illumining it faintly as a cloud +may be edged with a suggestion of light. It was not motionless,--it +stirred now and then as though about to lift itself to some +supernatural stature and bend above me or swoop down upon me like an +embodied storm,--and as I still gazed upon it fearingly, every nerve +strained to an almost unsupportable tension, I could have sworn that +two eyes, large and luminous, were fixed with a searching, pitiless +intensity on mine. It is impossible to describe what I felt,--a +sense of sick, swooning horror overcame me,--my head swam giddily, +and I could not now utter a sound. + +Trembling violently, I rose to my feet in a kind of mechanical +impulse, determined to turn away from the dreadful contemplation of +this formless Phantom, when suddenly, as if by a lightning flash of +conviction, the thought came to me that it was not by coward +avoidance that I could expect to overcome either my own fears or the +nameless danger which apparently threatened me. I closed my eyes and +retreated, as it were, within myself to find that centre-poise of +my own spirit which I knew must remain an invincible force despite +all attack, being in itself immortal,--and I mentally barricaded my +soul with thoughts of armed resistance. Then, opening my eyes again, +I saw that the Shadow loomed blacker and vaster--while the luminance +around it was more defined, and was not the radiance of the moon, +but some other light that was ghostly and terrifying. But I had now +regained a little courage,--and slight as it was I held to it as my +last hope, and gradually steadied myself upon it like a drowning +creature clinging to a plank for rescue. Presently I found myself +able to ask questions of my inner consciousness. What, after all, +could this Phantom--if Phantom it were--do to work me harm? Could it +kill me with sheer terror? Surely in that case the terror would be +my own fault, for why should I be afraid? The thing called Death +being no more than a Living Change did it matter so much when or how +the change was effected? + +"Who is responsible,"--I said to myself--"for the sense of fear? Who +is it that so mistrusts the Divine order of the Universe as to doubt +the ultimate intention of goodness in things which appear evil? Is +it not I alone who am the instigator of my own dread?--and can this +dark, dumb Spectre do more to me than is ordained for my blessing in +the end?" + +With these thoughts I grew bold--my nervous trembling ceased. I now +chose deliberately to consider, and WILLED to determine, that this +mysterious Shadow, darker still as it grew, was something of a +friend in disguise. I lifted my head half defiantly, half hopefully +in the gloom, and the strange fact that the only light I saw came +from the weirdly gleaming edge of radiance round the Phantom itself +did not frighten me from the attitude I had resolved upon. The more +I settled myself into that attitude the firmer it became--and the +stronger grew my courage. I gently moved aside the table on which I +had been writing, and stood up. Once on my feet I felt still bolder +and surer of myself, and though the Shadow opposite to me looked +darker and more threatening than before, I began to move steadily +towards it. I made an effort to speak to it, and at last found my +voice. + +"Whatever you are," I said aloud, "you cannot exist at all without +God's will! God ordains nothing that is not for good, therefore you +cannot be here with any evil purpose! If I am afraid of you, my fear +is my own weakness. I will not look at you as a thing that can or +would do me harm, and therefore I am coming to you to find out your +meaning! You shall prove to me what you are made of, to the very +depth and heart of your darkness!--you shall unveil to me all that +you hide behind your terrifying aspect,--because I KNOW that +whatever your intention towards me may be, you cannot hurt my Soul!" + +As I spoke I drew nearer and nearer--and the luminous edge round the +Phantom grew lighter and lighter, till--suddenly a flash of +brilliant colour like a rainbow glittered full on my eyes so sharply +that I fell back, half blinded by its splendour. Then--as I looked-- +I dropped to my knees in speechless awe--for the Shadow had changed +to a dazzling Shape of winged radiance,--a figure and face so +glorious that I could only gaze and gaze, with all my soul entranced +in wonder! I heard delicious music around me, but I could not +listen--all my soul was in my eyes. The Vision grew in stature and +in splendour, and I stretched out my hands to it in prayerful +appeal, conscious that I was in the shining Presence of some +inhabitant of higher and more heavenly spheres than ours. The +beautiful head, crowned with a diadem of flowers like white stars, +bent towards me--the luminous eyes smiled into mine, and a voice +sweeter than all sweet singing spoke to me in accents of thrilling +tenderness. + +"Thou hast done well!" it said--"Even so always approach Darkness +without fear! Then shalt thou find the Light! Meet Sorrow with a +trusting heart--so shalt thou discover an angel in disguise! God +thinks no evil of thee--desires no wrong towards thee--has no +punishment in store for thee--give Thyself into His Hand, and be at +peace!" + +Slowly,--like the colours of the sunset melting away into the grey +of twilight, the Vision faded,--and when I recovered from the +dazzled bewilderment into which I had been thrown, I found myself +again in complete solitude and darkness--darkness unrelieved save by +the dim light of the setting moon. I was for a long time unable to +think of anything but the strange experience through which I had +just passed--and I wondered what would have happened if instead of +boldly advancing and confronting the dark Phantom which had so +terrified me I had striven to escape from it? I believed, and I +think I was right in my belief, that I should have found every door +open, and every facility offered for a cowardly retreat had I chosen +to make it. And then--everything would have been at an end!--I +should have probably had to leave the House of Aselzion--and perhaps +I too should have been marked with a black cross as a failure! +Inwardly I rejoiced that so far I had not given way, and presently +yielding to a drowsiness that began to steal over me, I undressed +and went to bed, perfectly tranquil in mind and happy. + +I must have slept several hours when I was awakened suddenly by the +sound of voices conversing quite close to me--in fact, they seemed +to be on the other side of the wall against which my bed was placed. +They were men's voices, and one or two were curiously harsh and +irritable in tone. There was plenty of light in my room--for the +night had passed, and as far as I could tell it seemed to be early +morning. The voices went on, and I found myself compelled to listen. + +"Aselzion is the cleverest humbug of his time,"--said one--"He is +never so happy as when he can play the little god and dupe his +worshippers!" + +A laugh followed this sentence. + +"He's a marvel in his way,"--said another--"He must be a kind of +descendant of some ancient Egyptian conjurer who had the trick of +playing with fire. There is nothing in the line of so-called miracle +he cannot do,--and of course those who are ignorant of his methods, +and who are credulous themselves--" + +"Like the woman here,"--interposed the first voice. + +"Yes--like the woman here--little fool!"--and there was more +laughter--"Fancying herself in love with Rafel Santoris!" + +I sat up in bed, straining my ears now for every word. My cheeks +were burning--my heart beating--I hardly knew what to think. There +was a silence for two or three minutes--minutes that seemed like +ages in my longing to hear more. + +"Santoris always managed to amuse himself!"--said a thin, sharp +voice with a mocking ring in its tone--"There was always some woman +or other in love with him. Some woman he could take in easily, of +course!" + +"Not difficult to find!"--rejoined the first voice that had spoken, +"Most women are blind where their affections are concerned." + +"Or their vanity!" + +Another silence. I rose from my bed, shivering with a sense of +sudden cold, and threw on my dressing-gown. Going to the window, I +looked out on the fair expanse of the calm sea, silver-grey in the +early dawn. How still and peaceful it looked!--what a contrast to +the storm of doubt and terror that was beginning to rage within my +own heart! Hush! The voices began again. + +"Well, it's all over now, and his theory of perpetuating life at +pleasure has come to an untimely end. Where did the yacht go down?" + +"Off Armadale, in Skye." + +For a moment I could not realise what had been said and tried to +repeat both question and answer--'Where did the yacht go down?' 'Off +Armadale, in Skye.' + +What did it mean?--The yacht? Gone down? What yacht? They were +talking of Santoris--of Rafel, my beloved!--MY lover, lost through +ages of time and space, and found again only to be once more +separated from me through my own fault--my own fault!--that was the +horror of it--a horror I could not contemplate without an almost +maddening anguish. I ran to the wall through which I had heard the +voices talking and pressed my ear against it, murmuring to myself-- +"Oh no!--it is not possible!--not possible! God would not be so +cruel!" For many minutes I heard nothing--and I was rapidly losing +patience and self-control, when at last I heard the conversation +resumed,--"He should never have risked his life in such a vessel"-- +said one of the voices in a somewhat gentler tone--"It was a +wonderfully clever contrivance, but the danger of all that +electricity was obvious. In a storm it would have no chance." + +"That has been thoroughly proved,"--answered another voice--"Just +half a gale of wind with a dash of thunder and lightning, and down +it went, with every soul on board." + +"Santoris might have saved himself. He was a fine swimmer." + +"Was he?" + +Another silence. I thought my head would have burst with its aching +agony of suspense,--my eyes were burning like hot coals with a +weight of unshed tears. I felt that I could have battered down the +wall between me and those torturing voices in my feverish desire to +know the worst--the worst at all costs! If Rafel were dead--but no!- +-he could not die! He could not actually perish--but he could be +parted from me as he had been parted before--and I--I should be +alone again--alone as I had been all my life! And in my foolish +pride I had voluntarily severed myself from him!--was this my +punishment? More talking began, and I listened, like a criminal +listening to a cruel sentence. + +"Aselzion will tell her, of course. Rather a difficult business!--as +he will have to admit that his teachings are not infallible. And on +the whole there was something very taking about Santoris--I'm sorry +he's gone. But he would only have fooled the woman had he lived." + +"Oh! That, naturally! But that hardly matters. She would only have +had herself to blame for falling into the trap." + +I drew myself away from the wall, trembling and sick with dread. +Mechanically I dressed myself, and stared out at the gold of the sun +which was now pouring its radiance full on the sea. The beauty of +the scene moved me not at all--nothing mattered. All that my +consciousness could take in was that, according to what I had heard, +Rafel was dead,--drowned in the sea over which his fairy vessel the +'Dream' had sailed so lightly--and that all he had said of our +knowledge of each other in former lives, and of the love which had +drawn us together, was mere 'fooling'! I leaned out of the window, +and my eyes rested on the little crimson rose that still blossomed +against the wall in fragrant confidence. And then I spoke aloud, +hardly conscious of my own words-- + +"It is wicked"--I said--"wicked of God to allow us to imagine +beautiful things that have no existence! It is cruel to ordain us to +love, if love must end in disappointment and treachery! It would be +better to teach us at once that life is intended to be hard and +plain and without tenderness or truth, than to lead our souls into a +fool's paradise!" + +Then--all at once--I remembered the dark Phantom of the night and +its transformation into the Vision of an Angel. I had struggled +against the terror of its first spectral appearance, and had +conquered my fears,--why was I now shaken from my self-control? What +was the cause? Voices, merely! Voices behind a wall that spoke of +death and falsehood,--voices belonging to persons I did not know and +could not see--like the voices of the world which delight in +uttering scandals and cruelties and which never praise so much as +they condemn. Voices merely! Ah!--but they spoke of the death of him +whom I loved!--must I not listen? They spoke of his treachery and +'fooling.' Should I not hear? + +And yet--who were those persons, if persons they were, who talked of +him with such easy callousness? I had met no one in the House of +Aselzion save Aselzion himself and his servant or secretary +Honorius,--who then could there be except those two to know the +reasons that had brought me hither? I began to question myself and +to doubt the accuracy of the terrible news I had inadvertently +overheard. If any evil had chanced to Rafel Santoris, would Aselzion +have told me he was 'safe and well' when he had conjured up for my +comfort the picture of the 'Dream' yacht on the moonlit sea only a +few hours ago? Yet with my bravest effort I could not recover myself +sufficiently to be quite at peace,--and in my restless condition of +mind I looked towards the turret door opening to the stairway which +led to the little garden below and the seashore--but it was fast +shut, and I remembered Aselzion had locked it. But, to my complete +surprise, another door stood open,--a door that had seemed part of +the wall--and a small room was disclosed beyond it,--a kind of +little shrine, hung with pale purple silk, and looking as though it +were intended to hold something infinitely precious. I entered it +hesitatingly, not sure whether I was doing right or wrong, and yet +impelled by something more than curiosity. As I stepped across the +threshold I heard the voices behind the wall again--they sounded +louder and more threatening, and I paused,--half afraid, yet longing +to know all that might yet be said, though such knowledge might mean +nothing but misery and despair to me. + +"All women are fools!"--and this trite observation was made by +someone speaking in harsh and bitter accents--"It is not love that +really moves them so much as the self-satisfaction of BEING LOVED. +No woman could be faithful for long to a dead man--she would lack +the expected response to her superabundant sentimentality, and she +would tire of waiting to meet him in Paradise--if she believed in +such a possibility, which in nine cases out of ten she would not." + +"With Aselzion there are no dead men"--said another of the unseen +speakers--"They have merely passed into another living state. And +according to his theories, lovers cannot be separated, even by what +is called death, for long." + +"Poor comfort!" and with the words I heard a laugh of scornful +mockery--"The women who have loved Rafel Santoris would hardly thank +you for it!" + +I shuddered a little, as with cold. 'The women who have loved Rafel +Santoris!' This phrase seemed to darken the very recollection of the +handsome face and form of the man I had, almost unconsciously to +myself, begun to idealise--something coarse and common suggested +itself in association with him, and my heart sank within me, +deprived of hope. Voices, merely!--yet how they tortured me! If I +could only know the truth, I thought!--if Aselzion would only come +and tell me the worst at once! In a kind of stupor of unnameable +grief I stood in the little purple-hung shrine so suddenly opened to +me, and began to dreamily consider the unkindness and harshness of +those voices!--Ah! so like the voices of the world! Voices that +sneer and mock and condemn!--voices that would rather utter a +falsehood than any word that should help and comfort--voices that +take a cruel pleasure in saying just the one thing that will wound +and crush an aspiring spirit!--voices that cannot tune themselves to +speak of love without grudging bitterness and scorn--voices--ah +God!--if only all the harsh and calumniating voices of humanity were +stilled, what a heaven this earth would be! + +And yet--why should we listen to them? What have they really to do +with us? Is the Soul to be moved from its centre by casual opinion? +What is it to me that this person or that person approves or +disapproves my actions? Why should I be disturbed by rumours, or +frightened by ill report? + +Absorbed in these thoughts, I hardly realised the almost religious +peace of my surroundings,--and it was only when the voices ceased +for a few minutes that I saw what was contained in this small room I +had half unwittingly entered,--an exquisite little table, apparently +made of crystal which shone like a diamond--and on the table, an +open book. A chair was placed in position for the evident purpose of +reading--and as I approached, at first indifferently and then with +awakening interest, I saw that the open book showed an inscription +on its fly-leaf--"To a faithful student.--From Aselzion." Was _I_ 'a +faithful student'? I asked myself the question doubtingly. There was +no 'faithfulness' in fears and depressions! Here was I, shaken in +part from self-control from the mere hearing of voices behind a +wall! I, who had said that "God ordains nothing that is not for +good"--was suddenly ready to believe that He had ordained the death +of the lover to whom His laws had guided me! I, to whom had been +vouchsafed the beatific vision of an Angel--an Angel who had said-- +"God thinks no evil of thee--desires no wrong towards thee--has no +punishment in store for thee--give thyself into His Hand, and be at +peace!" was already flinching and turning away from the Faith that +should keep me strong! A sense of shame stole over me--and almost +timidly I approached the table on which the open book lay, and sat +down in the chair so invitingly placed. I had scarcely done this +when the voices began again, in rather louder and angrier tones. + +"She imagines she can learn the secret of life! A woman, too! The +brazen arrogance of such an attempt!" + +"No, no! It is not the secret of life she wants to discover so much +as the secret of perpetual youth! That, to a woman, is everything! +To be always young and always fair! What feminine thing would not +'adventure for such merchandise'!" + +A loud laugh followed this observation. + +"Santoris was well on his way to the goal"--said a voice that was +suave and calm of accent--"Certainly no one would have guessed his +real age." + +"He had all the ardour and passion of youth"--said another voice-- +"The fire of love ran as warmly in his veins as though he were a +Romeo! None of the coldness and reluctance of age affected him where +the fair sex was concerned!" + +More laughter followed. I sat rigidly in the chair by the crystal +table, listening to every word. + +The woman here is the latest victim of his hypnotic suggestions, +isn't she?" + +"Yes. One may say his LAST victim--he will victimise no more." + +"I suppose if Aselzion told her the truth she would go at once?" + +"Of course! Why should she remain? It is only a dream of love that +has brought her here--when she knows the dream is over, there will +be nothing left." + +True! Nothing left! The whole world a desert, and Heaven itself +without hope! I pressed my hands to my eyes to try and cool their +burning ache--was it possible that what these voices said could be +true? They had ceased speaking, and there was a blessed silence. As +a kind of desperate resource, I took out the letter Rafel Santoris +had written to me, and read its every word with an eager passion of +yearning--especially the one passage that ran thus--"We--you and I-- +who know that Life, being ALL Life, CANNOT die,--ought to be wiser +in our present space of time than to doubt each other's infinite +capability for love and the perfect world of beauty which love +creates." + +'Wiser than to doubt'! Ah, I was not wise enough! I was full of +doubts and imagined evils--and why? Because of voices behind a wall! +Surely a foolish cause for sorrow! I tried to extricate my mind from +the darkness of despondency into which it had fallen, and to +distract my attention from my own unhappy thoughts I glanced at the +book which lay open before me. As I looked, its title, printed in +letters of gold, flashed on my eyes like a gleam of the sun--'The +Secret of Life.' A sudden keen expectancy stirred in me--I folded +Rafel's letter and slipped it back into its resting-place near my +heart--then I drew my chair close up to the table, and bending over +the book began to read. All was now perfectly still around me--the +voices had ceased. Gradually I became aware that what I was reading +was intended for my instruction, and that the book itself was a gift +to me from Aselzion if I proved a 'faithful student.' A thrill of +hope and gratitude began to relieve the cold weight upon my heart,-- +and I suddenly resolved that I would not listen to any more voices, +even if they spoke again. + +"Rafel Santoris is not dead!"--I said aloud and resolutely--"He +could not so sever himself from me now! He is not treacherous--he is +true! He is not 'fooling' me--he is relying upon me to believe in +him. And I WILL believe in him!--my love and faith shall not be +shaken by mere rumour! I will give him no cause to think me weak or +cowardly,--I will trust him to the end!" + +And with these words spoken to the air, I went on reading quietly in +a stillness made suddenly fragrant with the scent of unseen flowers. + + + + +XVII + +THE MAGIC BOOK + + +It is not possible here to transcribe more than a few extracts from +the book on which my attention now became completely riveted. The +passages selected are chosen simply because they may by chance be +useful to those few--those very few--who desire to make of their +lives something more than a mere buy and sell business, and also +because they can hardly be called difficult to understand. When +Paracelsus wrote 'The Secret of Long Life' he did so in a fashion +sufficiently abstruse and complex to scare away all but the most +diligent and persevering of students, this no doubt being his +intention. But the instructions given in the volume placed, as I +imagined, for my perusal, were simple and in accordance with many of +the facts discovered by modern science, and as I read on and on I +began to see light through the darkness, and to gain a perception of +the way in which I might become an adept in what the world deems +'miracle,' but which after all is nothing but the scientific +application of common sense. To begin with, I will quote the +following,--headed + +LIFE AND ITS ADJUSTMENT + +"Life is the Divine impetus of Love. The Force behind the Universe +is Love--and from that Love is bred Desire and Creation. Even as the +human lover passionately craves possession of his beloved, so that +from their mutual tenderness the children of Love are born, the +Divine Spirit, immortally creative and desirous of perfect beauty, +possesses space with eternal energy, producing millions of solar +systems, each one of which has a different organisation and a +separate individuality. Man, the creature of our small planet, the +Earth, is but a single result of the resistless output of Divine +fecundity,--nevertheless Man is the 'image of God' in that he is +endowed with reason, will and intelligence beyond that of the purely +animal creation, and that he is given an immortal Soul, formed for +love and for the eternal things which love creates. He can himself +be Divine, in the Desire and Perpetuation of Life. Considered in a +strictly material sense, he is simply an embodied force composed of +atoms held together in a certain organised form,--but within this +organised form is contained a spiritual Being capable of guiding and +controlling its earthly vehicle and adjusting it to surroundings and +circumstances. In his dual nature Man has the power of holding his +life-cells under his own command--he can renew them or destroy them +at pleasure. He generally elects to destroy them through selfishness +and obstinacy,--the two chief disintegrating elements of his mortal +composition. Hence the result which he calls 'death'--but which is +merely the necessary transposition of his existence (which he has +himself brought about) into a more useful phase. If he were to learn +once for all that he can prolong his life on this earth in youth and +health for an indefinite period, in which days and years are not +counted, but only psychic 'episodes' or seasons, he could pass from +one joy to another, from one triumph to another, as easily as +breathing the air. It is judged good for a man's body that he should +stand upright, and that he should move his limbs with grace and +ease, performing physical exercises for the improvement and +strengthening of his muscles,--and he is not considered a fool for +any feats of physical valour or ability which he may accomplish. Why +then should he not train his Soul to stand as upright as his body, +so that it may take full possession of all the powers which natural +and spiritual energy can provide? + +"Reader and Student!--you for whom these words are written, learn +and remember that the secret strength and renewal of life is +Adjustment--the adjustment of the atoms whereof the body is composed +to the commands of the Soul. Be the god of your own universe! +Control your own solar system that it may warm and revivify you with +an ever recurring spring! Make Love the summer of your life, and let +it create within you the passion of noble desire, the fervour of +joy, the fire of idealism and faith! Know yourself as part of the +Divine Spirit of all things, and be divine in your own creative +existence. The whole Universe is open to the searchings of your Soul +if Love be the torch to light your way!" + +Having read thus far, I paused--the little room in which I sat +appeared darker--or was it my fancy? I listened for the voices which +had so confused and worried me--but there was no sound. I turned the +pages of the book before me, and found the following: + +THE ACTION OF THOUGHT + +"Thought is an actual motive Force, more powerful than any other +motive force in the world. It is not the mere pulsation in a +particular set of brain cells, destined to pass away into +nothingness when the pulsation has ceased. Thought is the voice of +the Soul. Just as the human voice is transmitted through distance on +the telephone wires, so is the Soul's voice carried through the +radiant fibres connected with the nerves to the brain. The brain +receives it, but cannot keep it--for it again is transmitted by its +own electric power to other brains,--and you can no more keep a +thought to yourself than you can hold a monopoly in the sunshine. +Everywhere in all worlds, throughout the whole cosmos, Souls are +speaking through the material medium of the brain,--souls that may +not inhabit this world at all, but that may be as far away from us +as the last star visible to the strongest telescope. The harmonies +that suggest themselves to the musician here to-day may have fallen +from Sirius or Jupiter, striking on his earthly brain with a +spiritual sweetness from worlds unknown,--the poet writes what he +scarcely realises, obeying the inspiration of his dreams,-and we are +all, at our best, but mediums for conveying thought, first receiving +it from other spheres to ourselves, and then transmitting it from +ourselves to others. Shakespeare, the chief poet and prophet of the +world, has written: 'There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes +it so,'--thus giving out a profound truth,--one of the most profound +truths of the Psychic Creed. For what we THINK, we are; and our +thoughts resolve themselves into our actions. + +"In the renewal of life and the preservation of youth, Thought is +the chief factor. If we THINK we are old--we age rapidly. If, on the +contrary, we THINK we are young, we preserve our vitality +indefinitely. The action of thought influences the living particles +of which our bodies are composed, so that we positively age them or +rejuvenate them by the attitude we assume. The thinking attitude of +the human Soul should be one of gratitude, love and joy. There is no +room in Spiritual Nature for fear, depression, sickness or death. +God intends His creation to be happy, and by bringing the Soul and +Body both into tune with happiness we obey His laws and fulfil His +desire. Therefore, to live long, encourage thoughts of happiness! +Avoid all persons who talk of disease, misery and decay--for these +things are the crimes of man, and are offences against God's primal +design of beauty. Drink in deep draughts of sunshine and fresh air,- +-inhale the perfume of flowers and trees,--keep far away from cities +and from crowds--seek no wealth that is not earned by hand or brain- +-and above all things remember that the Children of Light may walk +in the Light without fear of darkness!" + +Something in this latter sentence made me stop, and look again +around me--and again I felt sure that the room was growing darker, +and not only darker but smaller. The purple silk hangings which +draped the walls were almost within my touch, and I knew they had +not been so close to me when I first sat down to read. A nervous +tremor ran through me, but I resolved I would not be the dupe of my +own fancy, and I set myself once more resolutely to the study of the +volume before me. The next paragraph which attracted me was headed + +ON THE COMMAND OF LIFE'S FORCES + +and began thus: + +"To live long you must have perfect control of the forces that +engender life. The atoms of which your body is composed are in +perpetual movement,--your Spiritual Self must guide them in the way +they should go, otherwise they resemble an army without organisation +or equipment, easily put to rout by a first assault. If you have +them under your spiritual orders you are practically immune from all +disease. Disease can never enter your system save through some +unguarded corner. You may meet with accident--through the fault of +others or through your own wilfulness,--if through your own +wilfulness, you have only yourself to blame--if through the fault of +others, you may know that it was a destined and pre-ordained removal +of yourself from a sphere for which you are judged to be unfitted. +Barring such accident, your life need know no end, even on this +earth. Your Spirit, called the Soul, is a Creature of Light--and it +can supply revivifying rays to every atom and cell in your body +without stint or cessation. It is an exhaustless supply of 'radium' +from which the forces of your life may draw perpetual sustenance. +Man uses every exterior means of self-preservation, but forgets the +interior power he possesses, which was bestowed upon him that he +might 'replenish the earth and subdue it.' To 'replenish' the earth +is to give out love ungrudgingly to all Nature,--to 'subdue' the +earth, is first, to master the atoms of which the human organisation +is composed, and hold them completely under control, so that by +means of this mastery, all other atomic movements and forces upon +this planet and its encircling atmosphere may be equally controlled. +Much is talked of the 'light rays' which pierce solid matter as +though it were nothing but clear air--yet this discovery is but the +beginning of wonders. There are rays which divine metals, even as +the hazel wand divines the presence of water,--and the treasures of +the earth, the gold, the silver, the jewels and precious things that +are hidden beneath its surface and in the depth of the sea can be +seen in their darkest recesses by the penetrating flash of a Ray as +yet unknown to any but adepts in the Psychic Creed. No true adept is +ever poor,--poverty cannot exist where perfect control of the life +forces is maintained. Gladness, peace and plenty must naturally +attend the Soul that is in tune with Nature and life is always +perpetuated from the joy of life. + +"Stand, therefore, O patient Student, erect and firm!--let the +radiating force of the Soul possess every nerve and blood-vessel of +the body, and learn to command all things pertaining to good with +that strength which compels obedience! Not idly did the Supreme +Master speak when He told His disciples that if their faith were but +as a grain of mustard seed they could command a mountain to be cast +into the sea, and it would obey. Remember that the Spirit within +your bodily house of clay is Divine, and of God!--and that with God +all things are possible!" + +I raised my head from its bent position over the book, and drew a +long breath--something oppressed me with a sense of suffocation, and +looking up I saw that I was being steadily closed in, as by a +contracting cage. The little room, draped with its soft purple +hangings, was now too small for me to move about, I was pinned to my +chair, and the ceiling was apparently descending upon me. With a +shock of horrified memory I recalled the old torture of the 'living +tomb' practised by the Spanish Inquisition, when the wretched victim +was compelled to watch the walls of his prison slowly narrowing +round him inch by inch till he was crushed to death. How could I be +sure that no such cruelties were used among the mysterious members +of a mysterious Brotherhood, whose avowed object of study was the +searching out of the secret of life? I made an effort to rise, and +found I could stand upright--and there straight opposite to me was +the entrance to my own room from which I had wandered into this +small inner chamber. It seemed easy enough to get there, and yet--I +found myself hindered by an invisible barrier. I stood, with my +heart beating nervously--wondering what was my threatening danger. +Almost involuntarily my eyes still perused the printed page of the +book before me, and I read the following sentences in a kind of +waking dream:-- + +"To the Soul that will not study the needs of its immortal nature, +life itself becomes a narrow cell. All God's creation waits upon it +to supply what it shall demand,--yet it starves in the midst of +plenty. Fear, suspicion, distrust, anger, envy and callousness +paralyse its being and destroy its action,--love, courage, patience, +sweetness, generosity and sympathy are actual life-forces to it and +to the body it inhabits. All the influences of the social world work +AGAINST it--all the influences of the natural world work WITH it. +There is nothing of pure Nature that will not obey its behest, and +this should be enough for its happy existence. Sorrow and despair +result from the misguidance of the Will--there is no other cause in +earth or heaven for any pain or trouble." + +Misguidance of the Will! I spoke the words aloud--then went on +reading-- + +"What is Heaven? A state of perfect happiness. What is Happiness? +The immortal union of two Souls in one, creatures of God's eternal +light, partaking each other's thoughts, bestowing upon each other +the renewal of joy, and creating loveliness in form and action by +their mutual sympathy and tenderness. Age cannot touch them--death +has no meaning for them,--life is their air and space and movement-- +life palpitates through them and warms them with colour and glory as +the sunshine warms and reddens the petals of the rose--they grow +beyond mortality and are immune from all disaster--they are a world +in themselves, involuntarily creating other worlds as they pass from +one phase to another of production and fruition. For there is no +good work accomplished without love,--no great triumph achieved +without love,--no fame, no victory gained without love! The lovers +of God are the beloved of God!--their passion is divine, knowing no +weariness, no satiety, no end! For God is the Supreme Lover and +there is nothing higher than Love!" + +Here, on a sudden impulse, I took up the book, closed it and held it +clasped in my two hands. As I did this, a great darkness overwhelmed +me--a sound like thunder crashed on my ears, and I felt the whole +room reeling into chaos. The floor sank, and I sank with it, down to +a great depth so swiftly that I had no time to think what had +happened till the sensation of falling stopped abruptly, and I found +myself in a narrow green lane, completely shadowed by the wide +boughs of over-arching trees. Hardly could I realise my surroundings +when I saw Rafel!--Rafel Santoris himself walking towards me--but-- +not alone! The eager impulse to run to him was checked--I stood +quiet, and cold to the heart. A woman was with him--a woman young +and very beautiful--his arm was round her, and his eyes looked with +unwearied tenderness at her face. I heard his voice--caressing, and +infinitely gentle. + +"Beloved!" he said--"I call you by this name as I have always called +you through many cycles of time! Is it not strange that even the +eager spirit, craving for its preordained mate, is subject to error? +I thought I had found her whom I should love a little while before I +met you--but this was a momentary blindness!--YOU are the one I have +sought for many centuries!--YOU are the one and only beloved!-- +promise never to leave me again!" She answered--and I heard her +murmur, soft as a sigh--"I promise!" Still walking together like +lovers, they came on--I knew they must pass me,--and I stood in +their way that Rafel Santoris at least might see me--might know that +I had adventured into the House of Aselzion for his sake, and that +so far I had not failed! If he were false, then surely the failure +would be his! With a sickening heart I watched him approach,--his +blue eyes rested on me carelessly with a cold smile--his fair +companion glanced at me as at a stranger--and they moved on and +passed out of sight. I could not have spoken, had I tried--I was +stricken dumb and feeble. This was the end, then? I had made my +journey to no purpose,--he had already found another 'subject' for +his influence! + +Stunned and bewildered with the confusion of thought in my brain, I +tried to walk a few paces, and found the ground soft as velvet, +while a cool breeze blowing through the trees refreshed my aching +forehead and eyes. I still held the book--'The Secret of Life'--and +in a dull, aimless way thought how useless it was! What does Life +matter if Love be untrue? The sun was shining somewhere above me, +for I saw glinting reflections of it through the close boughs, and +there were birds singing. But both beauty of sight and beauty of +sound were lost to me--I had no real consciousness left save that +the lover who professed to love me with an eternal love loved me no +more! So the world was desolate, and heaven itself a blank!--death, +and death alone seemed dear and desirable! I walked slowly and with +difficulty--my limbs were languid, and I had lost all courage. If I +could have found my way to Aselzion I would have told him--"This is +enough! No more do I need the secret of youth or life, since love +has left me." + +Presently I began to think more coherently. A little while back I +had heard voices behind a wall saying that Rafel Santoris was dead,- +-drowned in his own yacht 'off Armadale, in Skye.' If that was true +how came he here? I questioned myself in vain,--till presently I +gathered up sufficient force to remember that love--REAL love--knows +no change. Did I believe in my lover's love, or did I doubt it? That +was a point for my own consideration! But, had I not the testimony +of my own eyes? Was I not myselt the witness of his altered mind? + +Here, seeing a rustic seat under one of the shadiest trees, I sat +down, and my mind gradually steadied itself. Why, I inwardly asked, +had I been so suddenly and forcibly brought into this place for no +apparent reason save to look upon Rafel Santoris in the company of +another woman whom it seemed that he now preferred to me? Ought that +to make any difference in my love for him? "In love, if love be +love, if love be ours, Faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers, +Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all." If the happiness of the +one I loved was obtained through other means than mine, ought I to +grudge it? And yet!--my heart was full of a sick heaviness,--it +seemed to me that I had lately been the possessor of an inestimable +joy which had been ruthlessly snatched from me. Still meditating in +solitary sadness, I sat in the soft gloom wondering at the strange +chance that had brought me into such a place, and, curiously enough, +never thinking that the whole adventure might be the result of a +pre-ordained design. + +Presently, hearing slow footsteps approaching, I looked up and saw +an aged man walking towards me, accompanied by a woman of gentle and +matronly appearance who supported him on her arm. The looks of both +these personages were kindly, and inspired confidence at a glance,-- +and I watched them coming with a kind of hope that perhaps they +might explain my present dilemma. I was particularly attracted by +the venerable and benevolent aspect of the man--and as he drew near, +seeing that he evidently intended to speak to me, I rose from my +seat, and made a step or two forward to meet him. He inclined his +head courteously, and smiled upon me with a grave and compassionate +air. + +"I am very glad,"--he said, in a friendly tone--"that we have not +come too late. We feared--did we not?" here he looked to his +companion for confirmation of his words--"that you might have been +hopelessly ensnared and victimised before we could come to the +rescue." + +"Alas, yes!" said the woman, in accents of deep pity; "And that +would have been terrible indeed!" + +I stared at them both, utterly bewildered. They spoke of rescue,-- +rescue from what? 'Hopelessly ensnared and victimised.' What did +they mean? Since I had seen Rafel Santoris with another woman he +called 'beloved'--I had felt almost incapable of speech--but now I +found my voice suddenly. + +"I do not understand you"--I said, as clearly and firmly as I could- +-"I am here by my own desire, and I am not being ensnared or +victimised. Why should I need rescue?" + +The old man shook his head compassionately. + +"Poor child!" he said--"Are you not a prisoner in the House of +Aselzion?" + +"With my own consent,"--I answered. + +He lifted his hands in a kind of appealing astonishment, and the +woman smiled sadly. + +"Not so!"--she told me--"You are under a very serious delusion. You +are here by the wicked will of Rafel Santoris--a man who would +sacrifice any life remorselessly in the support of his own mad +theories! You are under his influence, you poor creature!--so easily +trapped, too!--you think you are following your own way and carrying +out your own wishes, but you are really the slave of Santoris and +have been so ever since you met him. You are a mere instrument on +which he can play any tune." And she turned to the old man beside +her with an appealing gesture--"Is it not so?" + +He bent his head in the affirmative. + +For a moment my brain was in a whirl. Could it be possible that what +they said was true? Their looks were sincere,--they could have no +object but kindness in warning me of intended mischief. I tried to +conceal the torturing anxiety that possessed me, and asked quietly-- + +"If you have good reason to think all this, what would you advise me +to do? If I am in danger how shall I escape from it?" + +The woman looked curiously at me, and her eyes glittered with sudden +interest. Her venerable companion replied to my question-- + +"Escape is quite easy here and now. You have only to follow us and +we will take you out of this wood and escort you to a place of +safety. Then you can return to your own home and forget--" + +"Forget what?" I interrupted him. + +"All this foolishness"--he answered, with a gentle seriousness-- +"This idea of eternal life and love which the artful conjurer Rafel +Santoris has instilled into your too sensitive and credulous +imagination--these fantastic beliefs in the immortality and +individuality of the soul,--and you will accept old age and death +with the sane resignation of ordinary mortals. Such love as he +professes to believe in does not exist,--such life can never be,-- +and the secret of his youth--" + +"Ah!" I exclaimed eagerly--"Tell me of that! And of Aselzion's +splendid prime when he should be old and feeble? Tell me of that +also!" + +For the first time during this interview, my two companions looked +confused. I saw this, and I gained confidence from their evident +embarrassment. + +"Why," I pursued--"should you come to me with warnings against those +whom God or Destiny has brought into my life? You may perhaps say +that you yourselves have been sent by God--but does Deity contradict +Itself? I am not conscious of having suffered any evil through Rafel +Santoris or through Aselzion--I am pained and perplexed and tortured +by what I hear and see--but my hearing and sight are capable of +being deceived--why should I think of evil things which are not +proved?" + +The woman surveyed me with sudden scorn. + +"So you will stay here, the dupe of your own sentiments and +dreams!"--she said, contemptuously--"You, a woman, will remain among +a community of men who are known impostors, and sacrifice your name +and reputation to a mere chimera!" + +Her look and manner had completely changed, and I was at once on my +guard. + +"My name and reputation are my own to protect,"--I answered, coldly- +-"Whatever I do I shall be ready to answer for to anyone having the +right to ask." + +The old man now advanced and laid his hand on my arm. His eyes +sparkled angrily. + +"You must be saved from yourself"--he said, sharply, "You must come +with us whether you will or no! We have seen too many victims of +Aselzion's art already--we are resolved to save you from the peril +which threatens you." + +And he made an effort to draw me closer to him--but my spirit was up +and I held back with all my force. + +"No, I will not go with you!" I exclaimed, hotly--"God alone shall +remove me from harm if any harm is really meant towards me. I do not +believe one word you have said against Rafel Santoris or against +Aselzion--I love the one, and I trust the other!--let me go my own +way in peace!" + +Hardly had I spoken these words when both the old man and woman +threw themselves upon me and seizing me by force, endeavoured to +drag me away with them. I resisted with all my strength, still +holding tightly the book of the 'Secret of Life' in one hand. But +their united efforts were beginning to overpower me, and feeling +myself growing weaker and weaker I cried aloud in desperation: + +"Rafel! Rafel!" + +In an instant I stood free. My captors loosed their hold of me, and +I rushed away, not knowing whither--only running, running, running, +afraid of pursuit--till I suddenly found myself alone on the borders +of a dark stretch of water spreading away in cold blackness to an +unseen horizon. + + + + +XVIII + +DREAMS WITHIN A DREAM + + +I stopped abruptly, brought perforce to a standstill. There was +nothing but the black water heaving in front of me with a slow and +dizzying motion and faintly illumined by a dim, pearly light like +that of a waning moon. I looked behind me, fearing my persecutors +were following, and saw that a thick mist filled the air and space +to the obliteration of everything that might otherwise have been +visible. I had thought it was day, and that the sun was shining, but +now it appeared to be night. Utterly fatigued in body and mind, I +sank down wearily on the ground, close to the edge of the strange +dark flood which I could scarcely see. The quiet and deep obscurity +had a lulling effect on my senses--and I thought languidly how good +it would be if I might be allowed to rest where I was for an +indefinite time. + +"I can understand"--I said to myself--"why many people long for +death and pray for it as a great blessing! They have lost love--and +without love, life is valueless. To live on and on through cycles of +time in worlds that are empty of all sweetness,--companionless and +deprived of hope and comfort--this would be hell!--not heaven!" + +"Hell--not heaven!" said a voice near me. + +I started and looked up--a shadowy figure stood beside me--that of a +woman in dark trailing garments, whose face shone with a pale beauty +in the dim light surrounding us both. + +"So you have found your way here at last!" she said, gently--"Here, +where all things end, and nothing begins!" + +I rose to my feet and confronted her. + +"Where all things end!" I repeated--"Surely where life exists there +is no end?" + +She gave me a fleeting smile. + +"Life is a dream,"--she said--"And the things of life are dreams +within the dream! There are no realities. You imagine truths which +are deceptions." + +I looked at her in wonder and bewilderment. She was beautiful--and +the calm sadness of her eyes expressed compassion and tenderness. + +"Then--is Creation a lie?" I asked. + +She made no immediate answer, but pointed with one hand towards the +dark water. I looked, and uttered a cry of ecstasy--there, shining +in the heaving blackness like a vision from fairyland, was the +'Dream'--glittering from stem to stern with light that sparkled like +millions of diamonds! + +"Your Dream of Love!" said the woman beside me--"Behold it for the +last time!" + +With straining eyes and beating heart I watched--and saw the shining +vessel begin to sink slowly into the deep watery blackness--down, +down still lower, till only her masts were visible--then something +defiant and forceful sprang up within me,--I would master this +torture, I thought--I would not yield to the agony that threatened +to drive me to utter despair. + +"This is a phantom of sorrow!"--I said--"It has no meaning! The love +that is in my heart is my own!--it is my life, my soul, my inmost +being!--it is eternal as God Himself, and to Him I commend it!" + +I spoke these words aloud, holding the book of the 'Secret of Life' +clasped to my breast--and raised my eyes trustfully to the dense +darkness which should have been the sky. Then I felt the woman's +hand on mine. Her touch was warm and gentle. + +"Come!" she said, softly. + +And I saw a small boat slip out on the gloomy water, guided towards +me by One whose face was hidden in a fold of black. My companion +drew me with her and signed to me to enter. Something in myself, as +well as in her looks, impelled me to obey, and as she stepped into +the boat I followed. We were borne along in silence for what seemed +to me a long time, till suddenly I began to hear strange sounds of +wailing, and shuddering cries of appeal, and our darkness was +lightened by the drifting to and fro of pale forms that were +luminous and human in shape though scarcely of human resemblance. + +"What are these?" I whispered. + +My companion took my hand and held it. + +"Listen!" she answered. + +And gradually, out of a clamour of weeping and complaint, I heard +voices which uttered distinct things. + +"I am the Phantom of Wealth"--said one--"For me men and nations have +rushed on destruction,--for me they have sacrificed happiness and +missed the way to God! For me innocence has been betrayed and honour +murdered. I am but a Shadow, but the world follows me as if I were +Light--I am but the gold dust of earth, and men take me for the +glory of Heaven!" + +"I am the Phantom of Fame"--said another--"I come with music and +sweet promises--I float before the eyes of man, seeming to him an +Angel!--I speak of triumph and power!--and for me brave hearts have +broken, and bright spirits have been doomed to despair! I am but a +Shadow--but the world believes me Substance--I am but a breath and a +colour, but men take me for a fixed Star!" + +"I am the Phantom of Pride!"--said a third voice--"For me humanity +scales the height of ambition--for my sake king's and queens occupy +uneasy thrones, and surround themselves with pomp and panoply--for +me men lie and cheat and wrong their neighbours--for me the homes +that should be happy are laid waste--for me false laws are made and +evil conquers good I am but a Shadow--and the world takes me for the +Sun!--I am but a passing flash of light, and men take me for the +perfect Day!" + +Other voices joined in and echoed wildly around me--and I rose up in +the boat, loosing my hold from the clasp of the woman who was with +me. + +"You are phantoms all!" I cried, half unconscious of my own words-- +"I want God's angels! Where is Love?" + +The voices ceased--the strange flitting figures that wailed round me +faded away into mist, and disappeared--and a light, deep and golden +and wonderful, began to shine through the gloom. My companion spoke. + +"We have been looking at dreams,"--she said--"You ask for the only +Real!" + +I smiled. A sudden inrush of strength and authority possessed me. + +"You bade me look my last upon my dream of Love!" I said--"But you +knew that was impossible, for Love is no dream!" + +The golden radiance widened into a perfect splendour, and our boat +now glided over a shining sea. As in a vision I saw the figure that +steered and guided it, change from darkness to brightness--the black +fold fell from its face--Angel eyes looked at me--Angel lips +smiled!--and then--I found myself suddenly alone on the shore of a +little bay, blue as a sapphire in the reflection of the blue sky +above it. The black stretch of water which had seemed so dreary and +impassable had disappeared, and to my astonishment I recognised the +very shore near the rock garden which was immediately under my +turret room. I looked everywhere for the woman who had been in the +boat with me--for the boat itself and its guide--but there was no +trace of them. Where and how far I had wandered I could not imagine- +-but presently, regaining nerve and courage, I began to fancy that +perhaps my strange experience had been preordained and planned as +some test of my faith and fortitude. Had I failed? Surely not! For I +had not doubted the truth of God or the power of Love! There was +only one thing which puzzled me,--the memory of those voices behind +a wall--the voices which had spoken of Rafel's death and treachery. +I could not quite rid myself of the anxiety they had awakened in my +mind though I tried hard not to yield to the temptation of fear and +suspicion. I knew and felt that after all it is the voices of the +world which work most harm to love--and that neither poverty nor +sorrow can cut the threads of affection between lovers so swiftly as +falsehood and calumny. And yet I allowed myself to be moved by vague +uneasiness on this account, and could not entirely regain perfect +composure. + +The door of the winding stair leading to my room in the turret stood +open--and I availed myself of this tacit permission to return +thither. I found everything as I had left it, except that when I +sought for the mysterious little room hung with purple silk, where I +had begun to read the book called 'The Secret of Life,' a book which +through all my strange adventure I still had managed to keep with +me, I could not find it. The walls around me were solid; there was +no sign of an opening anywhere. + +I sat down by the window to think. There before my eyes was the sea, +calm, and in the full radiance of a brilliant sun. No mysterious or +magic art suggested itself in the visible scene of a smiling summer +day. Had I been long absent from this room, I wondered? I could not +tell. Time seemed to be annihilated. And so far as I myself was +concerned I desired nothing in this world or the next save just to +know if Rafel Santoris still lived--and--yes!--one other assurance-- +to feel that I still possessed the treasure of his love. All the +past, present and future hung on this possibility,--there was +nothing more to hope for or to attain. For if I had lost Love, then +God Himself could give me no comfort, since the essential link with +Divine things was broken. + +Gradually a great and soothing quietude stole over me and the cloud +of depression that had hung over my mind began to clear. I thought +of my recent experience with the man and woman who had sought to +'rescue' me, as they said, and how when in sheer desperation I had +called "Rafel! Rafel!" they had suddenly disappeared and left me +free. Surely this was a sufficient proof that I was not forgotten by +him who had professed to love me?--and that his aid might still be +depended upon? Why should I doubt him? + +I had placed my book, 'The Secret of Life,' on the table when I re- +entered my room--but now I took it up again, and the pages fell open +at the following passage:-- + +"When once you possess the inestimable treasure of love, remember +that every effort will be made to snatch it from you. There is +nothing the world envies so much as a happy soul! Those who have +been your dearest friends will turn against you because you have a +joy in which they do not share,--they will unite with your foes to +drag you down from your height of Paradise. The powers of the coarse +and commonplace will be arrayed against you--shafts of disdain and +ridicule will be hurled at your tenderest feelings,--venomous lies +and cruel calumnies will be circulated around you,--all to try and +draw you from the circle of light into darkness and chaos. If you +would stand firm, you must stand within the whirlwind; if you would +maintain the centre-poise of your Soul, you must preserve the +balance of movement,--the radiant and deathless atoms whereof your +Body and Spirit are composed must be under steady control and +complete organisation like a well disciplined army, otherwise the +disintegrating forces set up by the malign influences of others +around you will not only attack your happiness, but your health, +break down your strength and murder your peace. Love is the only +glory of Life,--the Heart and Pulse of all things,--a possession +denied to earth's greatest conquerors--a talisman which opens all +the secrets of Nature--a Divinity whose power is limitless, and +whose benediction bestows all beauty, all sweetness, all joy! Bear +this in mind, and never forget how such a gift is grudged to those +who have it by those who have it not!" + +Reading thus far, a light began to break in upon me. Had not all the +weird and inexplicable experience of the past hours (or days) tended +to shake me from Love and destroy my allegiance to the ideal I +cherished? And--had I yielded to the temptation? Had I failed? I +dared not estimate either failure or success! + +Leaving my place at the window, I saw that the little 'lift' or +dresser in the wall had come up noiselessly with its usual daintily +prepared refection of fruit and bread and deliciously cool spring +water. I had felt neither hunger nor thirst during my strange +wanderings in unknown places, but now I was quite ready for a meal, +and enjoyed it with all the zest of an unspoilt appetite. When I had +finished, I returned to my precious book, and placing it on the +table, I propped up my head between my two hands and set myself +resolutely to study. And I write down here the passages I read, +exactly as I found them, for those who care to practise the lessons +they teach. + +FREE-WILL + +"The exercise of the Will is practically limitless. It is left +unfettered so that we may be free to make our own choice of life and +evolve our own destiny. It can command all things save Love, for +Love is of God and God is not subject to authority. Love must be +born IN the Soul and OF the Soul. It must be a dual flame,--that is +to say, it must find its counterpart in another Soul which is its +ordained mate, before it can fulfil its highest needs. Then, like +two wings moved by the same soaring impulse, it assists the Will and +carries it to the highest heaven. Through its force life is +generated and preserved--without it, life escapes to other phases to +find its love again. Nothing is perfect, nothing is lasting without +the light and fire of this dual flame. It cannot be WILLED either to +kindle or to burn; it must be born of itself and IN itself, and shed +its glory on the souls of its own choice. All else is subject to +order and command. Love alone is free." + +POWER + +"Power over all things and all men is obtained by organisation--that +is to say, 'setting one's house in order.' The 'house' implied is +the body in which the Soul has temporary dwelling; every corner of +it must be 'in order,'--every atom working healthfully in its place +without any suggestion of confusion. Then, whatever is desired shall +be attained. Nothing in the Universe can resist the force of a +steadfastly fixed resolve; what the Spirit truly seeks must, by +eternal law, be given to it, and what the body needs for the +fulfilment of the Spirit's commands will be bestowed. From the +sunlight and the air and the hidden things of space strength shall +be daily and hourly renewed; everything in Nature shall aid in +bringing to the resolved Soul that which it demands. There is +nothing within the circle of Creation that can resist its influence. +Success, wealth, triumph upon triumph come to every human being who +daily 'sets his house in order'--whom nothing can move from his +fixed intent,--whom no malice can shake, no derision drive from his +determined goal,--whom no temptation can drag from his appointed +course, and who is proof against spite and calumny. For men's minds +are for the most part like the shifting sands of the sea, and he +alone rules who evolves Order from Chaos." + +ETERNAL LIFE + +"Life is eternal because it cannot die. Everything that lives MUST +live for ever. Everything that lives has ALWAYS lived. What is +called death, is by law impossible. Life is perpetually changing +into various forms,--and every change it makes we call 'death' +because to us it seems a cessation of life, whereas it is simply +renewed activity. Every soul imprisoned to-day in human form has +lived in human form before,--the very rose that flowers on its stem +has flowered in this world before. Each individual Spirit preserves +its individuality and, to a certain extent, its memory. It is +permitted to remember a few out of the million incidents and +episodes with which its psychic brain is stored, but ONLY a few +during its period of evolvement. When it reaches the utmost height +of spiritual capacity, and is strong enough to know and see and +understand, then it will remember all from the beginning. Nothing +can ever be forgotten, inasmuch as forgetfulness implies waste, and +there is no waste in the scheme of the Universe. Every thought is +kept for use,--every word, every sigh and tear is recorded. Life +itself, in our limited view of it, can be continued indefinitely on +this earth, if we use the means given to us to preserve and renew +it. It was easy to preserve and prolong it in the early days of the +world's prime, for our planet was then nearer to the sun. In the +present day it is returning to a position in the heavens which +encourages and sustains life--and men live longer without knowing +why, never thinking that it is the result of the immediate situation +of the planet with regard to the sun. The Earth is not where it was +in the days of Christ; it has been rushing through space these two +thousand years, and yet mankind forgets that its place in the +heavens is different from that which it formerly occupied, and that +with this difference the laws of climate, custom and living are +changed. It is not Man who alters his surroundings--it is Nature, +whose order cannot be disobeyed. Man thinks that the growth of +science and what he calls his 'progress' is the result of his own +cleverness alone; on the contrary, it is the result of a change in +his atmospheric ether which not only helps scientific explanation +and discovery, but which tends to give him greater power over the +elements, as well as to prolong his life and intellectual +capability. There is no such thing as 'standing still' in the +Universe. Every atom, every organism is doing something, or going +somewhere, and there is no stop. Rest itself is merely a form of +Progress towards Beauty and Perfection, and there is no flaw +anywhere in the majestic splendour of God's scheme for the ultimate +happiness of His entire Creation." + +ARROGANT ASCETICISM + +"The ascetic is a blasphemer of God and of the work for which God +alone is responsible. By withdrawing himself from the world of men +he withdraws himself from human sympathy. By chastising the body and +its natural emotions and desires, he chastises that which God has +made as a temple for his soul to dwell in. By denying the pleasures +of this world, he denies all the good which God has prepared and +provided for him, and he wrongs the fair happiness of Nature and the +order in which the Universe is planned. The so-called 'religious' +person who retires into a monastery, there to pray and fast and +bemoan the ills of the flesh, is an unnatural creature and +displeasing to his Maker. For God looked upon everything He had made +and found it 'good.' Good--not bad, as the arrogant ascetic would +assume. Joy, not sorrow, should be the keynote of life--the world is +not a 'vale of tears' but a flower-filled garden, basking in the +perpetual sunshine of the smile of God. What is called 'sin' is the +work of Man--God has no part in it. 'By pride the angels fell.' By +pride Man delays his eternal delight. When he presumes to be wiser +than his Creator,--when he endeavours to upset the organisation of +Nature, and invents a kind of natural and moral code of his own, +then comes disaster. The rule of a pure and happy life is to take +all that God sends with thankfulness in moderation--the fruits of +the earth, the joys of the senses, the love of one's fellow- +creatures, the delights of the intellect, the raptures of the soul; +and to find no fault with that which is and must ever be faultless. +We hear of wise men and philosophers sorrowing over 'the pain and +suffering of the world'--but the pain and suffering are wrought by +Man alone, and Man's cruelty to his fellows. From Man's culpable +carelessness and neglect of the laws of health has come every +disease, as from Man's egotism, unbelief and selfishness have sprung +all the crimes in the calendar." I paused here, for it seemed to me +that it was getting dark,--at any rate I could not see to read very +clearly. I looked at the window, but very little light came through +it,--a sudden obscurity, like a heavy cloud, darkened all visible +things. I quickly made up my mind that I would not yield to any more +fanciful terrors, or leave the room, even if I saw another outlet +that night. With this determination I undressed quickly and went to +bed. As I laid my head on the pillow I felt a kind of coldness in +the air which made me shiver a little--an 'uncanny' sensation to +which I would not yield. I saw the darkness thickening round me, and +closed my eyes, resolving to rest--and so succeeded in ordering all +my faculties to this end that within a very few minutes I was +soundly asleep. + + + + +XIX + +THE UNKNOWN DEEP + + +My slumber was so profound and dreamless that I have no idea how +long it lasted, but when finally I awoke it was with a sense of the +most vivid and appalling terror. Every nerve in my body seemed +paralysed--I could not move or cry out,--invisible bands stronger +than iron held me a prisoner on my bed--and I could only stare +upwards in horror as a victim bound to the rack might stare at the +pitiless faces of his torturers. A Figure, tall, massive and clothed +in black, stood beside me--I could not see its face--but I felt its +eyes gazing down upon me with a remorseless, cold inquisitiveness--a +silent, searching enquiry which answered itself without words. If +every thought in my brain and every emotion of my soul could have +been cut out of me with a dissecting knife and laid bare to outward +inspection, those terrible eyes, probing deep into the very +innermost recesses of my being, would have done the work. + +The beating of my heart sounded loud and insistent in my own ears,-- +I lay still, trying to gain control over my trembling spirit,--and +it was almost with an awful sense of relief that I saw the figure +move at last from its rigid attitude and beckon me--beckon slowly +and commandingly with one outstretched arm from which the black, +dank draperies hung like drifting cloud. Mechanically obeying the +signal, I strove to rise from my bed--and found that I could do so,- +-I sat up shiveringly, looking at the terrifying Form that towered +above me, enclosing me as it were in its own shadow--and then, +managing to stand on my feet, though unsteadily, I mutely prepared +to follow where it should lead. It moved on--and I went after it, +compelled by some overpowering instinct against which I dared not +rebel. Once the vague, half-formed thought flitted through my brain- +-"This is Death that summons me away,"--till with the thought came +the remembrance that according to the schooling I was receiving, +there is no such thing as 'Death,' but only the imaginary phantom we +call by that name. + +Slowly, sedately, and with an indescribable majesty of movement, the +dark Figure glided on before me, and I, a trembling little creature, +followed it, I knew not whither. There was no obstacle in our +course,--doors, walls and windows seemed to melt asunder into +nothingness as we passed--and there was no stop to our onward +progress till suddenly I saw before me a steep and narrow spiral +stairway of stone winding up into the very centre of a rocky +pinnacle, which in its turn lifted its topmost peak into the +darkness of a night sky sprinkled with millions of stars. The sombre +Figure paused: and again I felt the search-light of its invisible +eyes burning through me. Then, as though satisfied with its brief +survey, it began to ascend the spiral stair. + +I followed step by step,--the way was long and difficult--the sharp +turns dizzying to the senses, and there seemed no end to the upward +winding. Sometimes I stumbled and nearly fell--sometimes I groped on +hands and knees, always seeing before me the black-draped Form that +moved on with such apparently little care as to whether or no I +fared ill or well in my obedience to its summons. + +And now, as I climbed, all sorts of strange memories began to creep +into the crannies of my brain and perplex me with trouble and +uncertainty. Chiefly did my mind dwell on cruelties--the cruelties +practised by human beings to one another,--moral cruelties +especially, they being so much worse than any physical torture. I +thought of the world's wicked misjudgments passed on those who are +greater in spirit than itself,--how, even when we endeavour to do +good to others, our kindest actions are often represented as merely +so many forms of self-interest and self-seeking,--how our supposed +'best' friends often wrong us and listen credulously to enviously +invented tales against us,--how even in Love--ah!-Love!--that most +etherial yet most powerful of passions!--a rough word, an unmerited +slight, may separate for a lifetime those whose love would otherwise +have been perfect. And still I climbed, and still I thought, and +still the dark Phantom-Figure beckoned me on and on. + +And then I began to consider that in climbing to some unknown, +unseen height in deep darkness I was, after all, doing a wiser thing +than living in the world with the ways of the world,--ways that are +for the most part purely hypocritical, and are practised merely to +overreach and out-do one's fellow-men and women--ways of fashion, +ways of society, ways of government which are merely temporary, +while Nature, the invincible and eternal, moves on her appointed +course with the same inborn intuition, namely, to destroy that which +is evil and preserve only that which is good. And Man, the sole +maker of evil, the only opposer of Divine Order, fools himself into +the belief that his evil shall prosper and his falsehood be accepted +as truth, if he can only sham a sufficient show of religious faith +to deceive himself and others on the ascending plane of History. He +who has invented Sin has likewise invented a God to pardon it, for +there is no sin in the natural Universe. The Divine Law cannot +pardon, for it is inviolate and bears no trespass without +punishment. + +So I mused in my inward self, and still I climbed, keeping my eyes +fixed on the Figure that led me on, and which now, having reached +the end of the spiral stair, was slowly mounting to the highest peak +of the rocky pinnacle which lifted itself to the stars. An icy wind +began to blow,--my feet were bare, and I was thinly clad in my +night-gear with only the addition of a white woollen wrap I had +hastily flung round me for warmth when I left my bed to follow my +spectral leader--and I shivered through and through with the bitter +cold. Yet I went on resolutely,--indeed, having started on this +perilous adventure, there was no returning, for when I looked back +on the way I had come, the spiral stair had completely vanished, and +there was nothing but black and empty space! + +This discovery so terrified me that for the moment I lost breath, +and I came to a halt in the very act of ascending. Then I saw the +Figure in front of me turn round with a threatening movement, and I +felt that with one second more of hesitation I should lose my +footing altogether and slip away into some vast abysmal depth of +unimaginable doom. Making a strong effort, I caught back my escaping +self-control, and forced my shuddering limbs to obey my will and +resume their work-and so, slowly, inch by inch, I resumed my climb, +sick with giddiness and fear and chilled to the very heart. +Presently I heard a rumbling roar like the sound of great billows +rushing into hollow caverns which echoed their breaking in thuds of +booming thunder. Looking up, I saw the Figure I had followed +standing still; and I fancied that the sombre draperies in which it +was enveloped showed an outline of glimmering light. Fired by a +sudden hope, I set myself to tread the difficult path anew, and +presently I too stood still, beside my mysterious Leader. Above me +was a heaven of stars;--below an unfathomable deep of darkness where +nothing was visible;--but from this nothingness arose a mighty +turbulence as of an angry sea. I remained where I found myself, +afraid to move;--one false step might, I felt, hurl me into a +destruction which though it would not be actual death would +certainly be something like chaos. Almost I felt inclined to catch +at the cloudy garments of the solemn Figure at my side for safety +and protection, and while this desire was yet upon me it turned its +veiled head towards me and spoke in a low, deep tone that was +infinitely gentle. + +"So far!--and yet not far enough!" it said--"To what end wilt thou +adventure for the sake of Love?" + +"To no End whatsoever,"--I answered with sudden boldness--"But to +everlasting Continuance!" + +Again I thought I saw a faint glowing light within its sombre +draperies. + +"What wouldst thou do for Love?" its voice again enquired--"Wouldst +thou bear all things and believe all things? Canst thou listen to +falsehood bearing witness against truth, and yet love on? Wilt thou +endure all suffering, all misunderstanding, all coldness and +cruelty, and yet keep thy soul bright as a burning lamp with the +flame of faith and endeavour? Wouldst thou scale the heavens and +plunge to the uttermost hell for the sake of him thou lovest, +knowing that thy love must make him one with thee at the God- +appointed hour?" + +I looked up at the Figure, vainly striving to see its face. + +"All these things I would do!" I answered--"All that is in the power +of my soul to endure mortally or immortally, I will bear for Love's +sake!" + +Again the light flashed through its black garments. When it next +spoke, its voice rang out harshly in ominous warning. + +"Thy lover is dead!" it proclaimed--"He has passed from this sphere +to another, and ye shall not meet again for many cycles of time! +DOST THOU BELIEVE IT?" + +A cold agony gripped my breast, but I would not yield to it, and +answered resolutely-- + +"No! I do not believe it! He could not die without my knowing and +feeling the parting of his soul from mine!" + +There was a pause, in which only the thunder of that invisible sea +far down below us was audible. Then the voice went on, + +"Thy lover is false!" it said--"His love for thee was a passing +mood--already he regrets--already he wearies in thought of thee and +loves thee no more! DOST THOU BELIEVE IT?" + +I took no time for thought, but answered at once without hesitation- +- + +"No! For if he does not love me his Spirit lies!--and no Spirit CAN +lie!" + +Another pause. Then the voice put this question-- + +"Dost thou truly believe in God, thy Creator, the Maker of heaven +and earth?" + +Lifting my eyes half in hope, half in appeal to the starry deep sky +above me, I replied fervently-- + +"I do believe in Him with all my soul!" + +A silence followed which seemed long and weighted with suspense. +Then the voice spoke once more-- + +"Dost thou believe in Love, the generator of Life and the moving +Cause and Mind of all created things?" + +And again I replied-- + +"With all my soul!" + +The Figure now bent slightly towards me, and the light within its +darkness became more denned and brilliant. Presently an arm and +hand, white and radiant--a shape as of living flame--was slowly +outstretched from the enfolding black draperies. It pointed steadily +to the abyss below me. + +"If thy love is so great"--said the voice--"If thy faith is so +strong--if thy trust in God is sure and perfect--descend thither!" + +I heard--but could not credit my own hearing. I gazed at the +shrouded and veiled speaker--at the commanding arm that signed my +mortal body to destruction. For a moment I was lost in wild terror +and wilder doubt. Was this fearful suggestion a temptation or a +test? Should it be obeyed? I strove to find the centre-poise of my +own self--to gather all my forces together,--to make myself sure of +my own will and responsible for my own deeds,--and then--then I +paused. All that was purely mortal in me shuddered on the brink of +the Unknown. One look upward to the soft gloom of the purple sky and +its myriad stars--one horrified glance downward at the dark depth +where I heard the roaring of the sea! I clasped my hands in a kind +of prayerful desperation, and looked once more at the solemn Shadow +beside me. + +"If thy love is so great!" it repeated, in slow and impressive +tones--"If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in God is so sure +and perfect!" + +There came a moment of tense stillness--a moment in which my life +seemed detached from myself so that I held it like a palpitating +separate creature in my hands, Suddenly the recollection of the last +vision of all those I had seen among the dark mountains of Coruisk +came back to me vividly--that of the woman who had knelt outside a +barred gate in Heaven, waiting to enter in--"O leave her not always +exiled and alone!" I had prayed then--"Dear God, have pity! Unbar +the gate and let her in! She has waited so long!" + +A sob broke unconsciously from my lips--my eyes filled with burning +tears that blinded me. Imploringly I turned towards the relentless +Figure beside me once more--its hand still pointed downwards--and +again I seemed to hear the words-- + +"If thy love is so great! If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in +God is so sure and perfect!" + +And then I suddenly found my own Soul's centre,--the very basis of +my own actual being--and standing firmly upon that plane of +imperishable force, I came to a quick resolve. + +"Nothing can destroy me!" I said within myself--"Nothing can slay +the immortal part of me, and nothing can separate my soul from the +soul of my beloved! In all earth, in all heaven, there is no cause +for fear!" + +Hesitating no longer, I closed my eyes,--then extending my clasped +hands I threw myself forward and plunged into the darkness!--down, +down, interminably down! A light followed me like a meteoric shaft +of luminance piercing the blackness--I retained sufficient +consciousness to wonder at its brilliancy, and for a time I was +borne along in my descent as though on wings. Down, still down!--and +I saw ocean at my feet!--a heaving mass of angry waters flecked with +a wool-like fleece of foam! + +"The Change that is called Death, but which is Life!" + +This was the only clear thought that flashed like lightning through +my brain as I sank swiftly towards the engulfing desert of the sea!- +-then everything swirled into darkness and silence! + + * * * + * * + * + +A delicate warm glow like the filtering of sunbeams through shaded +silk and crystal--a fragrance of roses--a delicious sound of harp- +like music--to these things I was gradually awakened by a gentle +pressure on my brows. I looked up--and my whole heart relieved +itself in a long deep sigh of ecstasy!--it was Aselzion himself who +bent over me,--Aselzion whose grave blue eyes watched me with +earnest and anxious solicitude. I smiled up at him in response to +his wordless questioning as to how I felt, and would have risen but +that he imperatively signed to me to lie still. + +"Rest!" he said,--and his voice was very low and tender. "Rest, poor +child! You have done more than well!" + +Another sigh of pure happiness escaped me,--I stretched out my arms +lazily like one aroused from a long and refreshing slumber. My +sensations were now perfectly exquisite; a fresh and radiant life +seemed pouring itself through my veins, and I was content to remain +a perfectly passive recipient of such an inflow of health and joy. +The room I found myself in was new to me--it seemed made up of +lovely colourings and a profusion of sweet flowers--I lay enshrined +as it were in the centre of a little temple of beauty. I had no +desire to move or to speak,--every trouble, every difficulty had +passed from my mind, and I watched Aselzion dreamily as he brought a +chair to the side of my couch and sat down--then, taking my hand in +his, felt my pulse with an air of close attention. + +I smiled again. + +"Does it still beat?" I asked, finding my voice suddenly--"Surely +the great sea has drowned it!" + +Still holding my hand, he looked full into my eyes. + +"'Many waters cannot quench love'!" he quoted softly. "Dear child, +you have proved that truth. Be satisfied!" + +Raising myself on my pillows, I studied his grave face with an +earnest scrutiny. + +"Tell me,"--I half whispered--"Have I failed?" + +He pressed my hand encouragingly. + +"No! You have almost conquered!" + +Almost! Only 'almost'! I sank back again on the couch, wondering and +waiting. He remained beside me quite silent. After a little the +tension of suspense became unbearable and I spoke again-- + +"How did I escape?" I asked--"Who saved me when I fell?" + +He smiled gravely. + +"There was nothing to escape from"--he answered--"And no one saved +you since you were not in danger." + +"Not in danger!" I echoed, amazed. + +"No! Only from yourself!" + +I gazed at him, utterly bewildered. He gave me a kind and reassuring +glance. + +"Have patience!" he said, gently--"All shall be explained to you in +good time! Meanwhile this apartment is yours for the rest of your +stay here, which will not now be long--I have had all your things +removed from the Probation room in the tower, so that you will no +more be troubled by its scenic transformations!" Here he smiled +again. "I will leave you now to recover from the terrors through +which you have passed so bravely;--rest and refresh yourself +thoroughly, for you have nothing more to fear. When you are quite +ready touch this"--and he pointed to a bell--"I shall hear its +summons and will come to you at once." + +Before I could say a word to detain him, he had retired, and I was +left alone. + +I rose from my couch,--and the first impression I had was that of a +singular ease and lightness--a sense of physical strength and well- +being that was delightful beyond expression. The loveliness and +peace of the room in which I was enchanted me,--everything my eyes +rested upon suggested beauty. The windows were shaded with rose silk +hangings--and when I drew these aside I looked out on a marble +loggia or balcony overhung with climbing roses,--this, in its turn, +opened on an exquisite glimpse of garden and blue sea. There was no +clock anywhere to tell me the time of day, but the sun was shining, +and I imagined it must be afternoon. Adjoining this luxurious +apartment was an equally luxurious bathroom, furnished with every +conceivable elegance,--the bath itself was of marble, and the water +bubbled up from its centre like a natural spring, sparkling as it +came. I found all my clothes, books and other belongings arranged +with care where I could most easily get at them, and to my joy the +book 'The Secret of Life,' which I thought I had lost on my last +perilous adventure, lay on a small table by itself like a treasure +set apart. + +I bathed and dressed quickly, allowing myself no time to think upon +any strange or perplexing point in my adventures, but giving myself +entirely up to the joy of the new and ecstatic life which thrilled +through me. A mirror in the room showed me my own face, happy and +radiant,--my own eyes bright and smiling,--no care seemed to have +left a trace on my features, and I was fully conscious of a perfect +strength and health that made the mere act of breathing a pleasure. +In a very short time I was ready to receive Aselzion, and I touched +the bell he had indicated as a signal. Then I sat down by the window +and looked out on the fair prospect before me. How glorious was the +world, I thought!--how full of perfect beauty! That heavenly blue of +sky and sea melting into one--the tender hues of the clambering +roses against the green of the surrounding foliage--the lovely light +that filtered through the air like powdered gold!--were not all +these things to be thankful for? and can there be any real +unhappiness so long as our Souls are in tune with the complete +harmony of Creation? + +Hearing a step behind me, I rose--and with a glad smile stretched +out my hands to Aselzion, who had just then entered. He took them in +his own and pressed them lightly--then drawing a chair opposite to +mine, he sat down. His face expressed a certain gravity, and his +voice when he began to speak was low and gentle. + +"I have much to tell you"--he said--"but I will make it as brief as +I can. You came here to pass a certain psychic ordeal--and you have +passed it successfully--all but the last phase. Of that we will +speak presently. For the moment you are under the impression that +you have been through certain episodes of a more or less perplexing +and painful nature. So you have--but not in the way you think. +Nothing whatever has happened to you, save in your own mind--your +adventures have been purely mental--and were the result of several +brains working on yours and compelling you to see and to hear what +they chose. There!--do not look so startled!"--for I had risen with +an involuntary exclamation--"I will explain everything quite +clearly, and you will soon understand." + +He paused--and I sat down again by the window, wondering and +waiting. + +"In this world," he went on, slowly--"it is not climate, or natural +surroundings that affect man so much as the influences brought to +bear upon him by his fellow-men. Human beings really live surrounded +by the waves of thought flung off by their own brains and the brains +of those around them,--and this is the reason why, if they are not +strong enough to find a centre-poise, they are influenced by ways +and moods of thought which would never be their own by choice and +free-will. If a mind, or let us say a Soul, can resist the +impressions brought to bear upon it by other forces than itself--if +it can stand alone, clear of obstacle, in the light of the Divine +Image, then it has gained a mastership over all things. But the +attainment of such a position is difficult enough to be generally +impossible. Influences work around us everywhere,--men and women +with great aims in life are swept away from their intentions by the +indifference or discouragement of their friends--brave deeds are +hindered from accomplishment by the suggestion of fears which do not +really exist--and the daily scattering and waste of psychic force +and powerful mentality by disturbing or opposing brain-waves, is +sufficient to make the world a perfect paradise were it used to that +end." + +He waited a moment--then bent his eyes earnestly upon me as he +resumed-- + +"You do not need to be told by me that you have lived on this earth +before, and that you have many times been gently yet forcibly drawn +into connection with the other predestined half of yourself,--that +Soul of love which blindly seeking, you have often rejected when +found--not of yourself have you rejected it--but simply because of +the influences around you to which you have yielded. Now in this +further phase of your existence you have been given another chance-- +another opportunity. It is quite possible that had you not come to +me you would have lost your happiness again, and it was this +knowledge which made me receive you, against all the rules of our +Order, when I saw that you were fairly resolved. Your ordeal would +have been longer had you not made the first bold advance yourself on +the occasion of your entrance into our chapel. The light of the +Cross and Star drew you, and your Soul obeyed the attraction of its +native element. Had you opposed its intention by doubts and fears, I +should have had more trouble with you than I should have cared to +undertake. But you made the first step yourself with a rare courage- +-the rest was comparatively easy." + +He paused again and again went on. + +"I have already said that you are under the impression of having +gone through certain adventures or episodes, which have more or less +distressed and perplexed you. These things have had NO EXISTENCE +except in your mind! When I took you up to your room in the turret, +I placed you under my influence and under the influence of four +other brains acting in conjunction with myself. We took entire +possession of your mentality, and made it as far as possible like a +blank slate, on which we wrote what we chose. The test was to see +whether your Soul, which is the actual You, could withstand and +overcome our suggestions. At first hearing, this sounds as if we had +played a trick upon you for our own entertainment--but it is not +so,--it is merely an application of the most powerful lesson in +life--namely, THE RESISTANCE AND CONQUEST OF THE INFLUENCES OF +OTHERS, which are the most disturbing and weakening forces we have +to contend with." + +I began to see clearly what he meant me to understand, and I hung +upon his words with eager attention. + +"You have only to look about you in the world," he continued--"to +realise the truth of what I say. Every day you may meet some soul +whose powers of accomplishment might be superb if it were not for +the restricting influences to which it allows itself to succumb. How +often do you not come upon a man or woman of brilliant genius, who +is nevertheless rendered incompetent by opposing influences, and who +therefore lives the life of a bird in a cage! Take the thousands of +men wrongly mated, whose very wives and children drag them down and +kill every spark of ambition and accomplishment within them! Take +the thousands of women persuaded or forced into unions with men +whose low estimate of woman's intellect coarsens and degrades her to +a level from which it is almost impossible to rise! This is the +curse of 'influences'--the magnetic currents of other brains which +set our own awry, and make half the trouble and mischief in the +world. Not one soul in a hundred thousand has force or courage to +resist them! The man accustomed to live with a wife who without +doing any other harm, simply kills his genius by the mere fact of +her daily contact, moods, and methods, makes no effort to shake +himself free from the apathy her influence causes, but simply sinks +passively into inaction. The woman, bound to a man who insists on +considering her lower than himself, and often pulled this way and +that by the selfish desires or aims of her children or other family +belongings, becomes a mere domestic drudge or machine, with no +higher aims than are contained in the general ordering of household +business. Love,--the miraculous touchstone which turns everything to +gold,--is driven out of the circle of Life with the result that Life +itself grows weary of its present phase, and makes haste to seek +another more congenial. Hence proceeds what we call age and death." + +I was about to interrupt by an eager question--but he silenced me by +a gesture. + +"Your position," he went on--"from a psychic standard,--which is the +only necessary, because the only lasting attitude,--is that of being +brought into connection with the other half of your spiritual and +immortal Ego,--which means the possession of perfect love, and with +it perfect life. And because this is so great a gift, and so +entirely Divine, influences are bound to offer opposition in order +that the Soul may make its choice VOLUNTARILY. Therefore, when I, +and the other brains acting with me, placed you under our power, we +impressed you with all that most readily shakes the feminine mind-- +doubt, jealousy, suspicion, and all the wretched terrors these +wretched emotions engender. We suggested the death of Rafel Santoris +as well as his treachery,--you heard, as you thought, voices behind +a wall--but there were no voices--only the suggestion of voices in +your mind. You saw strange phantoms and shadows,--they had no +existence except in so far as we made them exist and present +themselves to your mental vision. You wandered away into unknown +places, so you imagined,--but as a matter of fact you NEVER LEFT +YOUR ROOM!" + +"Never left my room!" I echoed--"Oh, that cannot be!" + +"It can be, because it is!" he answered me, smiling gravely--"The +only thing in your experience that was REAL was the finding of the +book 'The Secret of Life'--in the purple-draped shrine. Here it is"- +-and he took it up from the table on which it lay--"and if you had +turned it over a little more, you would have found this"--and he +read aloud-- + +"'All action is the material result of Thought. Suffering is the +result of THINKING INTO PAIN--disease the result of THINKING INTO +WEAKNESS. Every emotion is the result of wrong or right THINKING, +with one exception--Love. Love is not an Emotion but a Principle, +and as the generator of Life pervades all things, and is all things. +Thought, working WITHIN this Principle, creates the things of beauty +and lastingness,--Thought, working OUTSIDE this Principle, equally +creates the things of terror, doubt, confusion, and destruction. +There is no other Secret of Life--no other Elixir of Youth--no other +Immortality!'" + +He pronounced the last words with gentle and impressive emphasis, +and a great sweetness and calm filled my mind as I listened. + +"I--or I should say we--for four of my Brethren were deeply +interested in you on account of the courage you had shown--we took +you up to the utmost height of endurance in the way of mental +terror--and, to our great joy, found your Soul strong enough to +baffle and conquer the ultimate suggestion of Death itself. You held +firmly to the truth that there is NO death, and with that spiritual +certainty risked all for Love. Now we have released you from our +spells!"--and his eyes were full of kindness as he looked at me-- +"and I want to know if you thoroughly realise the importance of the +lesson we have taught?" + +I met his enquiring glance fully and steadily. + +"I think I do,"--I said--"You mean that I must stand alone?" + +"Alone, yet not alone!"--he answered, and his fine face was +transfigured into light with its intense feeling and power--"Alone +with Love!--which is to say alone with God, and therefore surrounded +by all god-like, lasting and revivifying things. You will go back +from this place to the world of conventions,--and you will meet a +million influences to turn you from your chosen way. Opinion, +criticism, ridicule, calumny and downright misunderstanding--these +will come out against you like armed foes, bristling at every point +with weapons of offence. If you tell them of your quest of life and +youth and love, and of your experience here, they will cover you +with their mockery and derision--if you were to breathe a word of +the love between you and Rafel Santoris, a thousand efforts would be +instantly made to separate you, one from the other, and snatch away +the happiness you have won. How will you endure these trials?--what +will be your method of action?" + +I thought a moment. + +"The same that I have tried to practise here"--I answered--"I shall +believe nothing of ill report--but only of good." + +He bent his eyes upon me searchingly. + +"Remember," he said--"what force there is in a storm of opinion! The +fiercest gale that ever blew down strong trees and made havoc of +men's dwellings is a mere whisper compared with the fury of human +minds set to destroy one heaven-aspiring soul! Think of the petty +grudge borne by the loveless against Love!--the spite of the +restless and unhappy against those who have won peace! All this you +will have to bear,--for the world is envious--and even a friend +breaks down in the strength of friendship when thwarted or rendered +jealous by a greater and more resistless power!" I sighed a little. + +"I have few friends,"--I said--"Certainly none that have ever +thought it worth while to know my inner and truest self. Most of +them are glad to be my friends if I go THEIR way--but if I choose a +way of my own their 'friendship' becomes mere quarrel. But I talk of +choosing a way! How can I choose--yet? You say my ordeal is not +over?" + +"It will be over to-night,"--he answered--"And I have every hope +that you will pass through it unflinchingly. You have not heard from +Santoris?" + +The question gave me a little thrill of surprise. + +"Heard from him?--No"--I replied--"He never suggested writing to +me." + +Aselzion smiled. + +"He is too closely in touch with you to need other correspondence,"- +-he said--"But be satisfied that he is safe and well. No +misadventure has befallen him." + +"Thank God!" I murmured. "And--if--" + +"If he loves you no more,"--went on Aselzion--"If he has made an +'error of selection' as the scientists would say, and is not even +now sure of his predestined helper and inspirer whose love will lift +him to the highest attainment--what then?" + +"What then? Why, I must submit!" I answered, slowly--"I can wait, +even for another thousand years!" + +There was a silence, during which I felt Aselzion's eyes upon me. +Then he spoke again in a lighter tone. + +"Let us for the moment talk of what the world calls 'miracle'"--he +said--"I believe you are just now conscious of perfect health, and +of a certain joy in the mere fact of life. Is it not so?" + +Smiling, I bent my head in acquiescence. + +"Understand then"--he continued--"that while you control the life- +forces of which you are made, by the power of an all-commanding +spirit, this perfect health, this certain joy will continue. And +more than this--everything in Nature will serve you to this end. You +have but to ask your servants and they will obey. Ask of the sun its +warmth and radiance,--it will answer with a quick bestowal--ask of +the storm and wind and rain their powers of passion,--they will give +you their all,--ask of the rose its fragrance and colour, and the +very essence of it shall steal into your blood,--there is nothing +you shall seek that you will not find. Try your own powers now!"-- +and with the word he got up and opened the window a little wider, +then signed to me to step out on the balcony--"Here are roses +climbing up on their appointed way--bend them to-wards you by a +single effort of the will!" + +I gazed at him in complete surprise and bewilderment. His answering +looks were imperative. + +"By a single effort of the will!" he repeated. + +I obeyed him. Raising my eyes to the roses where they clambered +upwards round the loggia, I inwardly commanded them to turn towards +me. The effect was instantaneous. As though blown by a light breeze +they all bent down with their burden of bright blossom--some of the +flowers touching my hands. + +"That would be called 'miraculous' by the ignorant," said Aselzion-- +"And it is nothing more than the physical force of the magnetic +light-rays within you, which, being focused in a single effort, draw +the roses down pliantly to your will. No more miracle is there in +this than that of the common magnet which has been vainly trying to +teach us lessons about ourselves these many years. Now, relax your +will!" + +Again I obeyed, and the roses moved gently away and upward to their +former branching height. + +"This is an object lesson for you,"--said Aselzion, smiling then-- +"You must understand that you are now in a position to draw +everything to you as easily as you drew those roses! You can draw +the germs of health and life to mix and mingle with your blood--or-- +you can equally draw the germs of disease and disintegration. The +ACTION is with you. From the sun you can draw fresh fuel for your +brain and nerves--from the air the sustenance you demand--from +beautiful things their beauty, from wise things their learning, from +powerful things their force--NOTHING can resist the radiating energy +you possess if you only remember HOW to employ it. In every action +it must be focused on the given point--it must not be disturbed or +scattered. The more often it is used the more powerful it becomes-- +the more all-conquering. But never forget that it must work WITHIN +the Creative Principle of Love--not outside it." + +I sat absorbed and half afraid. + +"And to-night--?" I said, softly. + +He rose from his chair and stood up to his full superb stature, +looking down upon me with a certain mingling of kindness and pity. + +"To-night,"--he replied--"we shall send for you! You will confront +the Brethren, as one who has passed the same mental test through +which they are passing! And you will face the last fear! I do not +think you will go back upon yourself--I hope not--I strongly desire +you to keep your courage to the end!" + +I ventured to touch his hand. + +"And afterwards?" I queried. + +He smiled. + +"Afterwards--Life and its secrets are all with you and Love!" + + + + +XX + +INTO THE LIGHT + + +When I was left alone once more I gave myself up to the enchanting +sense of perfect happiness that now seemed to possess my whole +being. The world of glorious Nature showed me an aspect of +brilliancy and beauty that could no more be shadowed by fear or +foreboding--it was a mirror in which I saw reflected the perfect +Mind of the Divine. Nothing existed to terrify or daunt the +advancing Soul which had become cognisant of its own capabilities, +and which, by the very laws governing it, is preordained to rise to +the utmost height of supernal power. I had dimly guessed this truth- +-but I had never surely known it till now. Now, I recognised that +everything is and must be subservient to this interior force which +exists to 'replenish the earth and subdue it'--and that nothing can +hinder the accomplishment of its resolved Will. As I sat by the +window thinking and dreaming, I began to wonder what would be the +nature of that 'last fear' of which Aselzion had spoken? Why should +the word 'fear' be mentioned, when there was no cause for fear of +any kind? Fear can only arise from a sense of cowardice,--and +cowardice is the offspring of weakness. From this argument it +followed that my strength was not yet thoroughly tested to +Aselzion's satisfaction,--that he still thought it possible that +some latent weakness in my spirit might display itself on further +trial. And I resolved that if such was his idea, he should be proved +wrong. Nothing, I vowed, should move me now--not all the world +arrayed in arms against me should hinder my advance towards the +completion of myself in the love of my Beloved! + +I have already said that there was no visible chronicle of time in +the House of Aselzion, save such as was evidenced by the broadening +or waning light of day. Just now I knew it was late afternoon, as +the window where I sat faced the west, and the sun was sinking in a +blaze of glory immediately opposite to me. Bars of gold and purple +and pale blue formed a kind of cloud gateway across the heavens, and +behind this the splendid orb shone in a halo of deep rose. Watching +the royal pageantry of colour on all sides, I allowed myself to go +forth as it were in spirit to meet and absorb it,--inwardly I set my +whole being in tune with the great wave of light which opened itself +over the sea and land, and as I did so found every nerve in my body +thrilled with responsive ecstasy, even as harpstrings may be +thrilled into sound by the sweep of the wind. I rose and went out, +through the loggia into the garden--feeling more like a disembodied +spirit than a mortal, so light and free and joyous were my very +movements--so entirely in unison was I with everything in Nature. +The sunset bathed me in its ruby and purple magnificence,--I lifted +my eyes to the heavens and murmured almost unconsciously--"Thank God +for Life! Thank God for Love! Thank God for all that Life and Love +must bring to me!" + +A sea-gull soaring inland flew over my head with a little cry--its +graceful poise reminded me of the days I had passed in Morton +Harland's yacht, when I had watched so many of these snow-white +creatures dipping into the waves, and soaring up again to the skies- +-and on a sudden impulse I stretched out my hand, determining to +stay the bird's flight if I could and bring it down to me. The +effort succeeded,--slowly, and as if checked by some obstacle it +felt but could not see, the lovely winged thing swept round and +round in an ever descending circle and finally alighted on my wrist. +I held it so for a moment--it turned its head towards me, its ruby- +brown eyes sparkling in the sun--then I tossed it off again into the +air of its own freedom, where after another circling sweep or two it +disappeared, and I walked on in a happy reverie, realising that what +I could do with the visible things of Nature I could do as easily +with the invisible. A sense of power vibrated through me [Footnote: +The philosophy of Plato teaches that Man originally by the power of +the Divine Image within him could control all Nature, but gradually +lost this power through his own fault.]--power to command, and power +to resist,--power that forbade all hesitation, vacillation or +uncertainty--power which being connected by both physical and +spiritual currents with this planet, the Earth, and the atmosphere +by which it is surrounded, lifts all that it desires towards itself, +as it rejects what it does not need. + +Returning slowly through the garden, and lingering by the beds of +flowers that adorned it, I noticed how when I bent over any +particular blossom, it raised itself towards me as though drawn +upward by a magnet. I was not inclined to gather a single one for my +own pleasure--some occult sympathy had become established between me +and these beautiful creations--and I could no more sever a rose from +its stem than I could kill a bird that sang its little song to me. +On re-entering my room I found the usual refection prepared for me-- +fresh fruit and bread and water--the only kind of food I was +allowed. It was quite sufficient for me,--in fact I had not felt at +any time the sensation of hunger. I began to wonder how long I had +been a 'probationer' in the House of Aselzion? Days or weeks? I +could not tell. I was realising the full truth that with the things +of the infinite time has no existence, and I recalled the verse of +the ancient psalm: + +"A thousand ages in Thy sight Are like an evening gone, Short as the +watch that ends the night Before the rising sun." + +And while my thoughts ran in this groove, I opened the book of the +'Secret of Life'--and as if in answer to my inward communing, found +the following: + +THE DELUSION OF TIME + +"Time has no existence outside this planet. Humanity counts its +seasons, its days and hours by the Sun--but beyond the Sun there are +millions and trillions of other and larger suns, compared with which +our guiding orb is but a small star. Out in the infinitude of space +there is no Time, but only Eternity. Therefore the Soul which knows +itself to be eternal should associate Itself with eternal things, +and should never count its existence by years. To its Being there +can be no end--therefore it never ages and never dies. It is only +the sham religionists who talk of death,--it is only the inefficient +and unspiritual who talk of age. The man who allows himself to sink +into feebleness and apathy merely because of the passing of years +has some mental or spiritual weakness in him which he has not the +Will to overcome--the woman who suffers her beauty and freshness to +wane and fade on account of what she or her 'dearest' friends are +pleased to call 'age,' shows that she is destitute of spiritual +self-control. The Soul is always young, and its own radiation can +preserve the youth of the Body in which it dwells. Age and +decrepitude come to those with whom the Soul is 'an unknown +quantity.' The Soul is the only barrier against the forces of +disintegration which break down effete substances in preparation for +the change which humanity calls 'Death.' If the barrier is not +strong enough, the enemy takes the city. These facts are simple and +true; too simple and too true to be accepted by the world. The world +goes to church and asks a Divinity to save its soul, practically +showing in all its ways of society and government an utter disbelief +in the Soul's existence. Men and women die when they might as well +have lived. If we examine into the cause of their deaths we shall +find it in the manner of their lives. Obstinacy and selfishness have +murdered more human beings than any other form of plague. The +blasphemy of sham religion has insulted the majesty of the Creator +more than any other form of sin, and He has answered it by His +Supreme Silence. The man who attends a ritual of prayer which he +does not honestly believe in, merely for the sake of social custom +and observance, is openly deriding his Maker and the priests who +gain their living out of such ritual are trading on the Divine. Let +the people of this Earth be taught that they live not in Time but +Eternity,--that their thoughts, words and deeds are recorded +minutely and accurately--and that each individual human unit is +expected to contribute towards the general beauty and adornment of +God's scheme of Perfection. Every man, every woman, must give of his +or her best. The artist must give his noblest art, not for what it +brings to him personally of gain or renown, but for what it does to +others in the way of uplifting;--the poet must give his highest +thought, not for praise, but for love;--the very craftsman must do +his best and strongest work not for the coin paid, but for the fact +that it is work, and as such must be done well--and none must +imagine that they can waste the forces wherewith they have been +endowed. For no waste and no indolence is permitted, and in the end +no selfishness. The attitude of the selfish human being is pure +disintegration,--a destroying microbe which crumbles and breaks down +the whole constitution, not only ruining the body but the mind, and +frequently making havoc of the very wealth that has been too +selfishly guarded. For wealth is ephemeral as fame--only Love and +the Soul are the lasting things of God, the Makers of Life and the +Rulers of Eternity." + +So far I read--then laying down my book I listened. Music, solemn +and exquisitely beautiful, stole on my ears from the far distance-- +it seemed to float through the open window as though in a double +chorus--rising from the sea and falling from the heavens. Delicious +harmonies trembled through the air, soft as fine rain falling on +roses,--and with their penetrating tenderness a thousand +suggestions, a thousand memories came to me, all infinitely sweet. I +began to think that even if Rafel Santoris were separated from me by +some mischance, or changed to me in any way, it need not affect me +over-much so long as I cherished the love I had for him in my own +soul. Our passion was of a higher quality than the merely material,- +-it was material and spiritual together, the spiritual +predominating, thus making of it the only passion that can last. +What difference could a few years more or less bring, if we were +bound, by the eternal laws governing us, to become united in the +end? The joy of life is to love rather than to be loved,--and the +recipient of love is never so fully conscious of perfect happiness +as the giver. + +The music went on in varying moods of lovely harmony, and my mind, +like a floating cloud, drifted lazily above the waves of sound. I +thought compassionately of the unrest and discontent of thousands +who devote themselves to the smallest and narrowest aims in life,-- +people with whom the loss of a mere article of wearing apparel is +more important than a national difficulty--people who devote all +their faculties to social schemes of self-aggrandisement--people who +discuss trifles till discussion is worn threadbare, and ears are +tired and brain is weary--people who, assuming to be religious and +regular church-goers, yet do the meanest things, and have no scruple +in playing the part of tale-bearer and mischief-maker, setting +themselves deliberately to break friendships and destroy love-- +people who talk of God as though He were their intimate, and who +have by their very lives drawn everything of God out of them--I +thought of all these, I say--and I thought how different this world +would be if men would hold by the noblest ideals, and suffer the +latent greatness in them to have its way--if they would truly rule +their own universe and not allow its movements to fall into chaos-- +how fair life would become!--how replete with health and joy!--what +a paradise would be created around us!--and what constant +benediction we should draw down upon us from the Most High! And +gradually as I sat absorbed in my own reveries the afternoon waned +into twilight, and twilight into dusk--one star brilliant as a great +diamond, flashed out suddenly above a rift of cloud--and a soft +darkness began to creep stealthily over sky and sea. I moved away +from the window and paced slowly up and down the room, waiting and +wondering. The music still continued,--but it had now grown slower +and more solemn, and founded like a great organ being played in a +cathedral. It impressed me with a sense of prayer and praise--more +of praise than prayer, for I had nothing to pray for, God having +given me my own Soul, which was all! + +As the darkness deepened, a soft suffused light illumined the room-- +and I now noticed that it was the surface of the walls that shone in +this delicate yet luminous way. I put my hand on the wall nearest to +me--it was quite cold to the touch, yet bright to the eyes, and was +no more fatiguing to look at than the sunshine on a landscape. I +could not understand how the light was thus arranged and used, but +its effect was beautiful. As I walked to and fro, looking at the +various graceful and artistic objects which adorned the room, I +perceived an easel, on which a picture was placed with a curtain of +dark velvet drawn across it. Moved by curiosity, I drew the curtain +aside,--and my heart gave a quick bound of delight,--it was an +admirably painted portrait of Rafel Santoris. The grave blue eyes +looked into my own,--a smile rested on the firm, handsome mouth--the +whole picture spoke to me and seemed to ask 'Wherefore didst thou +doubt?' I stood gazing at it for several minutes, enrapt,--realising +how much even the 'counterfeit presentment' of a beloved face may +mean. And then I began to think how strange it is that we never seem +ready to admit the strong insistence of Nature on individuality and +personality. Up at a vast height above the Earth, and looking down +upon a crowd of people from the car of a balloon, or from an +aeroplane, all human beings look the same--just one black mass of +tiny moving units; but, in descending among them, we find every face +and figure wholly different, and though all are made on the same +model there are no two alike. Yet there are many who argue and +maintain that though individual personality in bodies may be +strongly marked, there is no individual personality in souls--ergo, +that Nature thinks so little of the intelligent Spirit inhabiting a +mortal form that she limits individuality to that which is subject +to change and has no care for it in that which is eternal! Such an +hypothesis is absurd on the face of it, since it is the Soul that +gives individuality to the Body. The individual personality of Rafel +Santoris, expressed even in his painted portrait, appealed to me as +being that of one I had loved long and tenderly,--there was no +strangeness in his features but only an adorable familiarity. Long +long ago, in centuries that had proved like mere days down the vista +of time, the Soul in those blue eyes had looked love into mine! I +recognised their tender, half-entreating, half-commanding gaze,--I +knew the little fleeting, wistful smile which said so little and yet +so much--I felt that the striving, ambitious spirit of this man had +sought mine as the help and completion of his own uplifting, and +that I had misunderstood him and turned from him at the crucial +moment when all might have been well. And I studied his picture long +and earnestly, so moved by its aspect that I found myself talking to +it softly as though it were a living thing. + +"I wonder if I shall ever meet you again?" I murmured--"Will you +come to me?--or shall I go to you? How shall we find each other? +When shall I be able to tell you that I know you now to be the only +Beloved!--the one centre of my life round which all other things +must for evermore revolve,--the very mainspring of my best thought +and action,--the god of my universe from whose love and pleasure +spring the light and splendour of creation! When shall I see you +again to tell you all that my heart longs to express?--when may I +fold myself in your arms as a bird folds its wings in a nest, and be +at peace, knowing that I have gained the summit of all ambition and +desires in love's perfect union? When shall we attune our lives +together in that harmonious chord which shall sound its music +sweetly through eternity? When shall our Souls make a radiant ONE, +through which God's power and benediction shall vibrate like living +fire, creating within us all beauty, all wisdom, all courage, all +supernal joy?--For this is bound to be our future--but--when?" + +Moved by my own imagining, I stretched out my arms to the picture of +my love, and tears filled my eyes. I was nothing but the weakest of +mortals in the sudden recollection of the happiness I might have won +long ago had I been wise in time! + +A door opened quietly behind me, and I turned round quickly. +Aselzion's messenger, Honorius, stood before me--and I greeted him +with a smile, though my eyes were wet. + +"Have you come to fetch me?"--I asked--"I am ready." + +He inclined his head a little. + +"You are not quite ready"--he said--and with the word he gave into +my hands a folded garment and veil--"You must attire yourself in +these. I will wait for you outside." + +He retired and left me, and I quickly changed my own things for +those which had been brought. They were easily put on, as they +consisted simply of one long white robe of a rather heavy make of +soft silk, and a white veil which covered me from head to foot. My +attiring took me but a few minutes, and when all was done I touched +the bell by which I had previously summoned Aselzion. Honorius +entered at once--his looks were grave and preoccupied. + +"If you should not return to this room,"--he said, slowly--"is there +any message--any communication you would like me to convey to your +friends?" + +My heart gave a quick bound. There was some actual danger in store +for me, then? I thought for a moment--then smiled. + +"None!" I answered--"I shall be able to attend to all such personal +matters myself--afterwards!" + +Honorius looked at me, and his handsome but rather stern face was +grave even to melancholy. + +"Do not be too sure!"--he said, in a low tone--"It is not my place +to speak, but few pass the ordeal to which you are about to be +subjected. Only two have passed it in ten years." + +"And one of these two was--?" + +For answer, he pointed to the portrait of Santoris, thus confirming +my instinctive hope and confidence. + +"I am not afraid!" I said--"And I am ready to follow you now +wherever you wish me to go." + +He made no further remark and, turning round, led the way out of the +apartment. + +We went down many stairs and through many corridors,--some dimly +lit, some scarcely illumined at all. The night had now fully come,-- +and through one of two of the windows we passed I could see the dark +sky patterned with stars. We came to the domed hall where the +fountain played, and this was illumined by the same strange all- +penetrating light I had previously noticed,--the lovely radiance +played on the spray of the fountain, making the delicate frondage of +ferns and palms and the hues of flowers look like a dream of +fairyland. Passing through the hall, I followed my guide down a dark +narrow passage--then I found myself suddenly alone. Guided by the +surging sound of organ music, I went on,--and all at once saw a +broad stream of light pouring out from the open door of the chapel. +Without a moment's hesitation, I entered--then paused--the symbol of +the Cross and Star flamed opposite to me--and on every side wherever +I looked there were men in white robes with cowls thrown back on +their shoulders, all standing in silent rows, watching me as I came. +My heart beat quickly,--my nerves thrilled--I trembled as I walked, +thankful for the veil that partially protected me from that +multitude of eyes!--eyes that looked at me in wonder, but not +unkindly--eyes that mutely asked questions never to be answered-- +eyes that said as plainly as though in actual speech--"Why are you +among us?--you, a woman? Why should you have conquered difficulties +which we have still to overcome? Is it pride, defiance, or ambition +with you?--or is it all love?" + +I felt a thousand influences moving around me--the power of many +brains at work silently cross-examined my inner spirit as though it +were a witness in defence of some great argument--but I made up my +mind not to yield to the overpowering nervousness and sudden alarm +of my own position which threatened to shake my self-control. I +fixed my eyes on the glittering symbol of the Cross and Star and +moved on slowly--I must have looked a strangely solitary creature, +draped in white like a victim for sacrifice and walking all alone +towards those burning, darting rays of light which enveloped the +whole of the chapel in a flood of almost blinding splendour. The +music still thundered on round me--and I thought I heard voices far +off singing--I could distinguish words that came falling through the +music, like blossoms falling through rain: + + Into the Light, + Into the heart of the fire! + To the innermost core of the deathless flame + I ascend--I aspire! + Under me rolls the whirling Earth, + With the noise of a myriad wheels that run + Ever round and about the Sun,-- + Over me circles the splendid heaven, + Strewn with the stars of morn and even, + And I, the queen + Of my soul serene, + Float with my rainbow wings unfurled, + Alone with Love, 'twixt God and the world! + +My heart beat rapidly; every nerve in me trembled--yet I went on +resolvedly, not allowing myself to even think of danger. + +And then I saw Aselzion--Aselzion, transfigured into an almost +supernatural beauty of aspect by the radiance which bathed him in +its lustrous glory!--Aselzion, with outstretched hands beckoning me +towards him--and as I approached I instinctively sank on my knees. +The music died away suddenly, and there was a profound silence. I +felt, though I could not see, that the eyes of all present were +fixed upon me. And Aselzion spoke: + +"Rise!" he said--and his voice was clear and imperative--"Not here +must thou kneel--not here must thou rest! Rise and go onward!--thou +hast gone far, but the way is still beyond! The gate of the Last +Probation stands open--enter!--and may God be thy Guide!" + +I rose as he commanded me,--and a dazzling flash of light struck my +eyes as though the heavens had opened. The blazing Cross and Star +became suddenly severed in two separate portions, dividing asunder +and disclosing what seemed to be a Hall of living fire! Flames of +every colour burned vividly, leaping and falling without pause or +cessation,--it was a kind of open furnace in which surely everything +must be consumed! I looked at Aselzion in silent enquiry--not in +fear--and in equally silent answer he pointed to the glowing vault. +I understood--and without another moment's hesitation I advanced +towards it. As in a dream I heard a kind of murmuring behind me--and +suppressed exclamations from the students or disciples of Aselzion +who were all assembled in the chapel--but I paid no heed to this--my +whole soul was set on fulfilling the last task demanded of me. Step +by step I went on--I passed Aselzion with a smile-- + +"Good-bye!" I murmured--"We shall meet again!" + +And then I advanced towards the leaping flames. I felt their hot +breath on my cheeks--the scorching wind of them lifted my hair +through the folds of my veil--an idea came upon me that for some +cause or other I was now to experience that 'Change which men call +Death'--and that through this means I should meet my Beloved on the +other side of life--and with his name on my lips, and a passionate +appeal to him in my heart, I stepped into the glowing fire. + +As I did so, I lost sight of Aselzion--of the chapel and of all +those who watched my movements, and found myself surrounded on all +sides by darting points of light which instead of scorching and +withering me like a blown leaf in a storm, were like cool and +fragrant showers playing all over me! Amazed, I went on--and as I +went grew bolder. At one step I was bathed in a rain of delicate +rays like sparkling diamond and topaz--at another a lovely violet +light shrouded me in its rich hues--at another I walked in melting +azure, like the hues of a summer sky--and the farther in I went the +deeper and more glowing was the light about me. I felt it +penetrating every pore of my skin--I held my hands out to it, and +saw them look transparent in the fine luminance,--and presently, +gaining courage, I threw back my veil and breathed in the radiance, +as one breathes the air! My whole body grew light, and moved as +though it floated rather than walked--I looked with unfatigued, +undazzled eyes at the glittering flames that sparkled harmlessly +about me and which changed to lovely shapes of flowers and leaves +beneath my feet, and arched themselves over my head like branches of +shading trees--and then all at once, down the long vista I caught +sight of a Shape like that of an Angel!--an angel that waited for me +with watchful eyes and outstretched arms!--it was but a moment that +I saw this vision, and yet I knew what it meant, and I pressed on +and on with all my Soul rising in me as it were, to go forth and +reach that Companion of itself which stood waiting with such tender +patience! The light around me now changed to waves of intense +luminance which swept upon me like waves of the sea--and I allowed +myself to be borne along with them, I knew not whither. All at once +I saw a vast Pillar of Fire which seemed to block my way,--pausing a +moment, I looked and saw it break asunder and form the Cross and +Star!--I gazed upward, wondering--its rays descending seemed to +pierce my eyes, my brain, my very soul!--I sprang forward, dazed and +dazzled, murmuring, "Let this be the end!" + +Someone caught me in his arms--someone drew me to his breast, +holding me there as if I were the dearest possession of all the +world or life or time could give--and a voice, infinitely tender, +answered me-- + +"Not the end, but the Endless, my beloved!--Mine at last, and mine +for ever!--in triumph, in victory, in perfect joy!" + +And then I knew!--I knew that I had found my love!--that it was +Rafel Santoris who thus held me in his close embrace,--that I had +fulfilled my own desire, which was to prove my faith if not my +worthiness--that I had won all I wanted in this world and the next, +and that nothing could ever separate our Souls, one from the other +again! This is the deep eternal ecstasy of a knowledge divinely +shared by the very angels of God, and of such supernal happiness +nothing can be said or written! + + * * * + * * + * + +I pen these last words on the deck of the 'Dream' with my Beloved +beside me. The sun is sinking in a glory of crimson--we are about to +anchor in still waters. A rosy light flashes on our wonderful white +sails, which will be presently furled; and we shall sit together, +Rafel and I, watching the night draw its soft dark curtain around +us, and the stars come out in the sky like diamonds embroidered on +deep purple velvet, and listening to the gentle murmur of the little +waves breaking into a rocky corner of the distant shore. And the +evening will close on a day of peace and happiness,--one of the many +unwearying, beautiful days which, like a procession of angels, bring +us new and ever more perfect joy! + +More than a year has elapsed since my 'Probation' in the House of +Aselzion,--since we, my Beloved and I, knelt before the Master and +received his blessing on our eternal union. In that brief time I +have lost all my 'worldly' friends and acquaintances,--who have, if +I may so express it, become afraid of me. Afraid, chiefly, because I +possess all that the world can give me without their advice and +assistance--and not only afraid, but offended, because I have found +the Companion of my Soul with whom they have nothing in common. They +look upon me as 'lost to society' and cannot realise how much such +loss is gain! Meanwhile we, Rafel and I, live our own radiant and +happy lives, in full possession of all that makes life sweet and +valuable, and wanting nothing that our own secret forces cannot +supply. Wealth is ours--one of the least among the countless gifts +Nature provides for those among her children who know where to find +her inexhaustible riches--and we also enjoy the perfect health which +accompanies the constant inflowing of an exhaustless vitality. And +though the things we attain seem 'miraculous' to others, so that +even while accepting help and benefit at our hands, they frown and +shake their heads at the attitude we assume towards social +hypocrisies and conventions, we are nevertheless able to create such +'influences' around us, that none come near as without feeling +stronger, better and more content,--and this is the utmost we are +permitted to do for our fellow-creatures, inasmuch as none will +listen to argument, and none will follow advice. The most ardent +soul that ever dwelt in human form cannot lead another soul in the +way of lasting life or lasting happiness if it refuses to go,--and +there is no more absolute truth than this--That each man and each +woman must make his or her own destiny both here and hereafter. This +is the Law which changes not and which can never be subject to the +slightest variation. Forgiveness of sins there is none--since every +trespass against law carries its own punishment. Necessity for +prayer there is none,--since every faithful wish and desire of the +Soul is granted without parley. Necessity for praise there is much!- +-since the Soul lives and grows in the glory of its Creator. And the +whole Secret of Everlasting Life and Happiness is contained in the +full possession and control of the Divine Centre of ourselves--this +'Radia' or living flame, which must be DUAL in order to be perfect, +and which in its completed state, is an eternal Force which nothing +can destroy and nothing can resist. All Nature harmonises with its +action, and from Nature it draws its perpetual sustenance and +increasing power. + +To me, and my Beloved, the world is a garden of paradise--rich with +beauty and delight. We live in it as a part of its loveliness--we +draw into our own organisations the warmth of the sunlight, the +glory of colour, the songs of sweet birds, the fragrance of flowers, +and the exquisite vibrations of the light and air. Like two notes of +a perfect chord we sound our lives on the keyboard of the Infinite-- +and we know that the music will become fuller and sweeter as the +eternal seasons roll on. If it is asked why there should have been +any necessity to pass through the psychic ordeal imposed on me by +Aselzion, I reply--Look at the world in which men and women +generally live, and say frankly whether its ways are such as to +engender happiness! Look at society--look at politics--look at +commerce--all mere schemes for self-aggrandisement! And more than +all, look at the Sham of modern religion! Is it not too often a mere +blasphemy and affront to the majesty of the Divine? And are not +many, if not all these mistakes against Nature,--these offences +against eternal Law,--the result of Man's own 'influence' working in +opposition to the very decrees of God, which he disobeys even while +recognising that they exist? + +The chief point of Aselzion's instruction was the test of the Brain +and Soul against 'influences'--the opposing influences of others-- +and this is truly the chief hindrance to all spiritual progress. The +coward sentiment of fear itself is born in us through the influence +of timorous persons--and it is generally the dread of what 'other +people will say' or what 'other people will think' that holds us +back from performing many a noble action. It should be thoroughly +understood that in the eternal advancement of one's own Soul 'other +people' and their influences are hindrances to progress. It does not +matter a jot what anybody thinks or says, provided the central altar +of one's own Spirituality is clear and clean for the steadfast +burning of the dual flame of Life and Love. All opinion, all +criticism becomes absurd in such matters as these and absolutely +worthless. + +It does not affect me that anyone outside my sphere of thought +should be incredulous of my beliefs,--nor can it move me from my +happiness to know that persons who live their lives on a lower plane +consider me a fool for electing to live mine on the highest. I take +joy in the fact that even in so selfish and material an age as this, +Aselzion still has his students and disciples,--a mere handful out +of the million, it is true, but still sufficient to keep the +beautiful truth of the Soul's power alive and helpful to the chosen +few. For such who have studied these truths and have mastered them +sufficiently to practise them in the ordinary round of existence, +Life presents an ever living happiness--and offers daily proof that +there is no such thing as Death. Youth remains where Love is, and +Beauty stays with health and vitality. Decay and destruction are +changes which are brought about by apathy of the Will and +indifference to the Soul's existence, and the same Law which gives +the Soul its supreme sovereignty equally works for its release from +effete and inactive substances. + +To those who would ask me how I am able to hold and keep the +treasures of life, love and youth, which the majority of mankind are +for ever losing, I answer that I can say no more than I have said, +and the lesson which all may learn is contained in what I have +written. It is no use arguing with those whom no argument will +convince, or trying to teach those who will not be taught. We--my +Beloved and I--can only prove the truth of the Soul's absolute +command over all spiritual, material and elemental forces by our One +life and the way we live it--we, to whom everything that is +necessary and desirable for our progress, comes on demand,--we, whom +Science serves as an Aladdin's lamp, realising every imaginable +delight--we, with whom Love, which with many human beings is judged +the most variable and transitory of emotions, is the very Principle +of Life, the very essence of the waves of the air through which we +move and have our being. The attainment of such happiness as ours is +possible to all, but there is only One Way of Attainment, and the +clue to that Way is in the Soul of each individual human being. Each +one must find it and follow it, regardless of all 'influences' which +may be brought to bear on his or her actions,--each one must +discover the Centre-poise of Life's movement, and firmly abide by +it. It is the Immortal Creature in each one of us whose destiny is +to make eternal progress and advancement through endless phases of +life, love and beauty, and when once we know and admit the actual +existence of this Immortal Centre we shall realise that with it all +things are possible, save Death. Radiating outward from itself, it +can preserve the health and youth of the body it inhabits +indefinitely, till of its own desire it seeks a higher plane of +action,--radiating inwardly, it is an irresistible attractive force +drawing to itself the powers and virtues of the planet on which it +dwells, and making all the forces of visible and invisible Nature +subject to its will and command. This is one of those great Truths +which the world denies, but which it is destined to learn within the +next two thousand years. + +If anyone should desire to know the fate of Motion Harland and his +daughter, that fate has been precisely what they themselves brought +about by their way of life and action. Morton Harland himself +'died,' as the world puts it, of a painful and lingering disease +which could have been cured had he chosen to take the means offered +to him through Rafel Santoris. He did not choose,--therefore the end +was inevitable. Catherine married Dr. Brayle, and they two now live +a sufficiently wretched life together,--she, a moping, querulous +invalid, and he as a 'society' physician, possessed of great wealth +and the position wealth brings. We never meet,--our ways are now for +ever sundered. Mine is the upward and onward path--and with my +Beloved I ascend the supernal heights where the Shadow of Evil never +falls, and where the Secret of Life is centred in the Spirit of +Love. + +THE END + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Life Everlasting: A Reality of Romance +by Marie Corelli + diff --git a/old/everl10.zip b/old/everl10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..538d1aa --- /dev/null +++ b/old/everl10.zip |