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diff --git a/41574-8.txt b/41574-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 10d9ff8..0000000 --- a/41574-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,10324 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Man's Man, by Ian Hay, Illustrated by James -Montgomery Flagg - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - - - - -Title: A Man's Man - - -Author: Ian Hay - - - -Release Date: December 7, 2012 [eBook #41574] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S MAN*** - - -E-text prepared by Suzanne Shell, Ernest Schaal, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images -generously made available by Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries -(http://archive.org/details/toronto) - - - -Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this - file which includes the original illustration. - See 41574-h.htm or 41574-h.zip: - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/41574/41574-h/41574-h.htm) - or - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/41574/41574-h.zip) - - - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries. See - http://archive.org/details/amansman00hayiuoft - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - - Text enclosed by equal signs is in bold face (=bold=). - - Small capitals were replaced with ALL CAPITALS. - - - - - -A MAN'S MAN - -by - -IAN HAY - - * * * * * - - =By Ian Hay= - - - A SAFETY MATCH. With frontispiece. - A MAN'S MAN. With frontispiece. - THE RIGHT STUFF. With frontispiece. - - HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY - BOSTON AND NEW YORK - - * * * * * - - -A MAN'S MAN - -[Illustration: "O, HUGHIE, DID YOU?" (p. 376)] - - -A MAN'S MAN - -by - -IAN HAY - -Author of "The Right Stuff" - -With Frontispiece by James Montgomery Flagg - - - - - - - -[Illustration] - -Boston and New York -Houghton Mifflin Company -The Riverside Press Cambridge - -Copyright, 1909, by William Blackwood and Sons -Copyright, 1910, by Houghton Mifflin Company - -All Rights Reserved - -Published September 1910 - - - - - TO - T. B. - - - - -_Partner_ (_after several collisions_). I should think you were more at -home in a boat than a ballroom, Mr. Rudderford! - -_Little Bobbie Rudderford_ (_the famous Oxbridge coxswain_). Yes; and by -Jove, I'd sooner steer eight men than one woman, any day!--_Punch._ - - - - -CONTENTS - - - BOOK ONE - - DEALS WITH A STUFF THAT WILL NOT ENDURE - - I. NAVAL MANOEUVRES 3 - - II. INTRODUCES THE HEROINE OF THIS NARRATIVE 22 - - III. JIMMY MARRABLE 28 - - IV. AN UNDERSTUDY 49 - - V. THE JOY OF BATTLE 61 - - - BOOK TWO - - _FORTITER IN RE_ - - VI. KNIGHT-ERRANTRY _À LA MODE_ 81 - - VII. THE ALTERNATIVE ROUTE 112 - - VIII. A BENEFIT PERFORMANCE 130 - - IX. _LITERA SCRIPTA MANET_ 146 - - X. THE END OF AN ODYSSEY 157 - - - BOOK THREE - - _SUAVITER IN MODO_ - - XI. SEALED ORDERS 179 - - XII. A CHANGE OF ATMOSPHERE 195 - - XIII. _VARIUM ET MUTABILE_ 223 - - XIV. BUSINESS ONLY 247 - - - BOOK FOUR - - THE UNJUST STEWARD - - XV. DEPUTATIONS--WITH A DIFFERENCE 263 - - XVI. IN WHICH CHARITY SUFFERETH LONG, AND JOAN - MISSES HER CUE 292 - - XVII. IN WHICH CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME, AND HUGHIE - MISSES HIS TRAIN 320 - - XVIII. _EX MACHINA_ 339 - - XIX. IN WHICH LOVE FLIES OUT OF THE WINDOW 354 - - XX. SINFUL WASTE OF A PENNY STAMP 372 - - - - - BOOK ONE - - DEALS WITH A STUFF THAT WILL - NOT ENDURE - - - - - A MAN'S MAN - - CHAPTER I - - NAVAL MANOEUVRES - - -A University college varies its facial expression about as frequently as -The Sphinx and about as violently as a treacle-well. - -This remark specially applies between the hours of breakfast and -luncheon. The courts, with their monastic cloisters and inviolable -grassplots, lie basking in a sunny obliviousness to the world outside. -Their stately exclusiveness is accentuated rather than diminished by the -glimpse of an occasional flying figure in a cap and gown, or the -spectacle of a middle-aged female of a discreet and chastened -appearance, who glides respectfully from one archway to another, -carrying a broom and a tin pail, or--alas for the goings-on that a -cloistered cell may conceal behind its art-muslin curtains!--a tankard -containing some gentleman's morning ale. - -In one corner, close to the Buttery door, you may behold one of the -college cats, which appears to be combining a searching morning toilet -with a course of practical calisthenics; and inside the massive arch of -the gateway stands a majestic figure in a tall hat, whom appreciative -Americans usually mistake for the Master, but who in reality occupies -the far more onerous and responsible post of Head Porter. - -Perhaps the greatest variation from the normal is to be observed on a -Saturday morning. Then the scene is brightened by the vision of an -occasional washerwoman, who totters bravely at one end of a heavy -basket, what time her lord and master (who has temporarily abandoned his -favourite street-corner and donned Sabbath attire for this, his weekly -contribution to the work of the world) sulkily supports the other. - -Undergraduates, too, are more in evidence than on other days. On most -mornings they either stay indoors, to work or sleep, or else go outside -the college altogether. "Loitering" in the courts is not encouraged by -the authorities. Not that the undergraduate minds that; but it will -probably cost him half-a-crown every time he does so, not because he -loiters but because he smokes. - -The Old Court of St. Benedict's College--it is hardly necessary to say -that we are in Cambridge and not in Oxford: otherwise we should have -said "Quad"--presents to us on the present occasion a very fair sample -of a Saturday morning crowd. The observant eye of the Dean, looking down -(like Jezebel) from an upper chamber, can discern-- - -1. Three washerwomen, with the appurtenances thereof. - -2. One small boy delivering _The Granta_. - -3. A solitary spectacled gentleman, of the type described by the -University Calendar in stately periphrasis as "A Native of Asia, not of -European Parentage" (but more tersely classified by the rest of the -community as "a nigger"), hurrying in cap and gown to secure a good -place at the feet of some out-of-college Gamaliel. - -4. A kitchen-man in white jacket and apron, bearing upon his head a tray -containing a salmon mayonnaise, cutlets in aspic, and a special -Cambridge dainty known as "Grassy Corner Pudding"--a fearsome compound -of whipped cream and pistachio nuts. - -5. A Buttery boy, walking close behind, with a basket containing -bottles. Evidently some young gentleman is about to entertain -angels--unawares so far as his bill-paying papa is concerned. - -6. Four young men converging to a group in the centre of the court. Of -these, two are attired in the undergraduate mode of the moment--tweed -jackets with leather buttons, waistcoats of the Urim and Thummim -variety, grey flannel trousers well turned up, clamorous silk socks, and -heavy Highland shooting brogues. The third wears what the College -Regulations describe rather ingenuously as "Athletic Dress." -Pheidippides himself would have found it difficult to perform feats of -prowess in a costume composed of split pumps, white duck trousers, and a -blazer admirably qualified to serve as a model of the Solar Spectrum. - -It may be mentioned in passing that, to the College Regulations, -"Athletic Dress" is not in itself a costume in which it is possible to -perform athletic feats, but one whose colour-scheme clashes with the -_sub-fusc_ standard which obtains in all college courts until one P.M.; -such, in fact, as would tend to distract the eye and sap the diligence -of those who traverse the courts on their way to lectures. In -consequence, he who would be matutinally athletic must either keep his -warpaint somewhere out of college, or drape himself like a stage -conspirator as he flits from his rooms to the river or Fenner's. - -The fourth gentleman of the party was dressed, if not gorgeously, -sufficiently respectably to warrant the assumption that he was not a -member of the University. - -All four were smoking. - -The Dean, glancing in the direction of the gateway, and observing with -sardonic satisfaction that the watchful Cerberus there was taking a note -of the delinquency, returned to his work. Regardless of the prospective -loss of half-a-crown apiece, the undergraduates exchanged cheerful -greetings. - -"Hallo, Dishy-Washy!" - -"Hallo, Gussie!" - -"Hallo, Towzer!" - -There ensued an awkward pause, while Messrs. Gussie and Towzer, -nervously conscious of the presence of a stranger to whom they were -about to be presented, looked intently at their boots and waited for the -introduction to take place. - -The gentleman previously addressed as Dishy-Washy, a diminutive youth -with wizened features,--his name was Dishart-Watson,--cleared his -throat. - -"Introduce my brother," he said huskily. "Mr. Poltimore--Mr. Angus!" - -The gentlemen indicated shook hands with the visitor, and Mr. Angus, -after a mental effort, inquired:-- - -"Come to see us go Head?" - -He giggled deprecatingly, to show that he did not really mean this. - -"Hope so," said Dishy-Washy's brother politely. "I hear you've got a -pretty hot crew," he added. - -"First chop," said Mr. Poltimore. "You just arrived?" - -"Yes; down from town this morning." - -"Oh! live there?" - -"Er--yes." - -"Oxford man," interpolated Dishy-Washy swiftly. "Sent down," he added in -extenuation. - -The other two nodded sympathetically, and the conversation proceeded -more briskly. - -"_Are_ you going to catch those chaps to-night, Dishy?" inquired Mr. -Angus earnestly. - -"Don't know," replied Dishy-Washy, who as coxswain of the St. Benedict's -boat enjoyed a position of authority and esteem in inverse ratio to his -inches. "Duncombe's a good enough little oar, but you can't expect a man -who weighs nine stone ten to stroke the boat and pull it along too. Of -course, if we had anything we could call a Six! As for old Puffin--" - -"Fourteen stone of tripe!" interpolated Mr. Angus, the gentleman in -Athletic Dress. "Lord help the boat!" he added bitterly. - -It may be mentioned in passing that Mr. Angus's athletic achievements -were rather overstated by his costume. His blazer was that of a college -club of twelve members, admission to which was strictly limited to -gentlemen who could absorb a gallon of beer at a draught, and whose -first rule stated that any member who committed the _bêtise_ of taking a -degree, however humble, should pay to the club a fine of five pounds. - -"Still," said Towzer hopefully, "there's always Marrable." - -Everybody--even the gentleman who had been sent down from -Oxford--cheered up at this reflection. - -"By gum!" said the coxswain with sudden enthusiasm, "he's a wonder! You -should have seen him in the boat yesterday. He was rowing a blade that -simply lifted the whole of bow side along by itself; and besides that he -was coaching Stroke all the time--telling him when to swing out and when -to quicken, and bucking him up generally; and on the top of all that he -found time every now and then to turn round and curse old Six. I tell -you, he's a wonder. Did you hear about him last night?" - -"I did hear some yarn," said Angus. "Went and smashed up The Owls, -didn't he?" - -"Smashed up?" Dishy's saturnine features expanded into a smile that was -almost benevolent. "My lad, _have_ you seen Muggeridge's alabaster brow -this morning?" - -Mr. Muggeridge was the president of "The Owls" Wine Club. - -"No." - -"Well, last night I was going round about half-past ten to see that all -the crew were in their beds. When I came to H, New Court, I found a -devil of a row going on in Muggeridge's rooms--directly under -Duncombe's, you know." - -"Yes. Go on," said all, much interested. - -"There was a meeting of The Owls on," continued Dishy, "and they'd had -the nerve to hold it on a staircase where there were actually two men of -the crew--Duncombe and Eversley--trying to get to sleep." - -"What did you do?" inquired Poltimore. - -"Went in and reminded them. I thought they might have forgotten." - -"What did they say?" - -"They told me to go to--" - -"Good Lord!" said the audience, genuinely horrified at the employment of -such language by a non-athletic to an athletic man. - -The Owls were a collection of rather dissipated young nobodies, while -Dishy wore a Leander tie, which in a rowing college entitles a man to -something like reverence. - -"I soon found it was a put-up job," continued the coxswain. "They had -some grudge against Duncombe, and wanted to score him off. I could hear -him hammering on his bedroom floor above to make them dry up." - -"What did you do then?" - -"I explained to them exactly what I thought of them," replied the -coxswain simply. - -"What did you say, exactly?" - -Dishy told them. They smacked their lips appreciatively, and the next -question followed pat. - -"And what did _they_ do?" - -"Well, they were a bit far gone--" - -"Drunken sweeps!" remarked the virtuous Gussie, who belonged to a rival -institution. - -"Yes. They were a bit far gone," repeated the coxswain, with the air of -one endeavouring to explain an otherwise unaccountable circumstance, -"and they--well, they hove me out, in fact. There were nine of them," he -added, in the manner of one who is not quite sure if his excuse will be -accepted. - -"And then?" - -"Then I went straight off to old Hughie's rooms"--there was a respectful -intaking of breath by the company: most of the College were wont to -refer to the gentleman in question as Marrable--"and knocked him up. He -had just gone to bed." - -"What did he do?" came the question, in lively anticipation of the -recital to come. - -"Put on a few things over his pyjamas, and came along with me." - -The audience sighed ecstatically. - -"What happened?" said Poltimore. - -"Well, things were getting a bit lively by the time we arrived. Just as -we got to the foot of the stair we were greeted by Muggeridge's oak, -which some playful fellow had taken off its hinges and thrown over the -banisters. However, we dodged that and raced up to the first floor. - -"You could have heard a pin drop when we walked into the room. One or -two of them looked a bit green, though, when they saw what a towering -passion Hughie was in. Still, Muggeridge was sober enough, and tried to -talk it off. He stood up, and said, 'Hallo, Marrable! This is splendid! -You are just in time to drink to the success of the crew to-morrow. -We're all sportsmen here. Come on, you chaps--no heeltaps!' - -"He stood waving his glass, but anybody could see that he was in a -putrid funk. - -"Hughie shut the door behind him and leaned against it, and said:-- - -"'Muggeridge, I don't know you very intimately, but I know this, that -you always were a worm and a bounder. You can't altogether help that, -and personally I don't particularly mind, although you give the College -away a bit. Still, I think the College can bear that. You are quite at -liberty to get full and amuse yourself in any way you please, so long as -you and your pals don't interfere with other people. But when it comes -to disturbing my crew, who have to fight the battles of the College on -behalf of warriors like you and these gentlemen here, whose favourite -field-sport is probably billiards--well, that's just what I call a bit -_too_ thick!' - -"All this time Muggeridge was looking pretty averagely uncomfortable. -The other chaps were gazing at him, evidently waiting for a lead. But -you could see he was pretty well up a stump as to what to do next. -However, next time old Hughie paused for breath, he said:-- - -"'Oh, get out!' - -"It was a rotten thing to say. Hughie smiled at him. - -"'All right,' he said, 'but I must put you to bed before I go.' - -"Before anybody could do anything he was across the room and had a grip -of Muggeridge by the back of the neck and one wrist, which he twisted -round behind somehow. Then he turned him round, and kicked him all the -way across the room into his bedroom. He used Muggeridge's head as a -sort of battering-ram to open the door with. Oh, it was the most -gorgeous spectacle!" - -There was a little sigh of rapture all round the group. - -Muggeridge was a prominent member of that class of society which -undergraduates and other healthy and outspoken Philistines designate -simply and comprehensively as "Tishbites" or "Tishes." - -"He shut him in and locked the door," continued the coxswain, "and then -he turned on the other eight. They were a pretty average lot of -worms--you know them?" - -There was a murmur of assent, and Mr. Poltimore, with rather belated -presence of mind, hurriedly explained to the Oxford gentleman that the -band of heroes under discussion were not in any sense representative of -the rank and file of the College. - -"--And they just sat round the table looking perfectly paralytic. (As a -matter of fact most of them were.) Hughie laid hold of the biggest of -them--Skeffington--and said:-- - -"'This meeting is adjourned, gentlemen. Just to show you that I'm -speaking the truth, I'll heave the senior member present downstairs!'" - -"Did he?" asked everybody. - -"No. He'd have killed him if he had. He picked Skeff up by the collar -and the seat of his bags and said to me, 'Watch 'em, Dishy!' Then he -carried Skeff downstairs, and slugged him into the middle of the grass -plot outside." - -"Good egg!" murmured Mr. Angus. - -"Didn't the others try to bolt?" inquired Towzer. - -"The idea _was_ mooted," replied the coxswain loftily, "but I told them -to sit still or they'd get their silly heads knocked together." - -"Did he cart them all downstairs?" - -"No; it would have been too tame a job with such a set of mangy squirts. -He simply came back and said:-- - -"'Now, you miserable little snipes, I give you fifteen seconds to quit -these premises. The last man out will be personally assisted downstairs -by me. I'm sorry I've only got slippers on.' Still, he landed the -Honourable Hopton-Hattersley a very healthy root for all that," -concluded Dishy, with a seraphic smile. "After that the porter arrived -with the Dean's compliments, and it was past the hour for music, -gentlemen; but Hughie slapped him on the back and told him that he had -arrived too late for the fair. Then he went home to bed as cool as a -cucumber. Oh, he's--Hallo, there he is! I must catch him. So long, you -men! See you at lunch, Reggie." - -And Mr. Dishart-Watson, swelling with importance, hurried off to -overtake a figure which had swung out of a distant staircase in the -southwest corner of the court and was striding towards the gateway. - -There was no undergraduate slouchiness discernible either in the dress -or in the appearance of the Captain of the St. Benedict's boat. He was a -strong-limbed, clean-run young man of about twenty-one; perhaps a trifle -too muscular to be a quick mover, but, with his broad back and sinewy -loins, an ideally built rowing-man. He was a youth of rather grave -countenance, with shrewd blue eyes which had a habit of disappearing -into his head when he laughed, and a mouth in which, during these same -periods of exhilaration, his friends confidently asserted that you could -post a letter. He was a born leader of men, and, as the discerning -reader will have gathered from Mr. Dishart-Watson's narrative, was still -strongly imbued with what may be called public-school principles of -justice. He entirely refused to suffer fools gladly or even resignedly, -but had a kindly nod for timorous freshmen, a friendly salute for those -Dons who regarded undergraduates as an integral part of the scheme of -college life and not merely as a necessary evil, and a courtly good-day -for fluttered and appreciative bedmakers. He never forgot the faces or -names of any of those over him or under him--Dons and college servants, -that is; and further, in his own walk of life (a society in which you -may recognise the existence of no man, even though he daily passes you -the salt or gathers you under his arm in the familiarity of a Rugby -scrummage, until you have been formally introduced to him), he never -pretended to do so. - -While Mr. Dishy-Washy's short legs are endeavouring to bring him -alongside the striding Olympian in front, it will perhaps be well to -explain why it was so absolutely essential to the welfare of St. -Benedict's College that eight young men should enjoy a night's rest -untrammelled by revels on the floors below. - -For the benefit of those who have never made a study of that refinement -of torture known as a "bumping" race, it may be mentioned that at Oxford -and Cambridge the various College crews, owing to the narrowness of -their rivers, race not abreast but in a long string, each boat being -separated from its pursuer and pursued by an equal space. Every crew -which succeeds in rowing over the course without being caught (or -"bumped") by the boat behind it is said to have "kept its place," and -starts in the same position for the next day's racing. But if it -contrives to touch the boat in front, it is said to have made a "bump," -and both bumper and bumped get under the bank with all speed and allow -the rest of the procession to race past. Next day bumper and bumped -change places, and the victors of the day before endeavour to repeat -their performance at the expense of the next boat in front of them. The -crew at "the head of the river" have, of course, nothing to catch, and -can accordingly devote their attention to keeping away from Number Two, -which is usually in close attendance owing to the pressing attention of -Number Three. And so on. - -The racing takes place during four successive evenings in the May Week, -so called for the somewhat inadequate reason that it occurs in June. It -was now Saturday, the last day of the races, and the men of St. -Benedict's knew that an enormous effort must be made that evening. So -far they had made two bumps, comparatively easily. Starting from fourth -place they were now second on the river, and only the All Saints boat -stood between them and the haven where they would be. They had tried -last night to bring their foe down, but had failed; they were going to -try again to-night, but All Saints were a terribly strong crew. They had -been Head for five years, and there were four Blues in the boat. Public -opinion admitted that St. Benedict's were about the fastest crew on the -river that year, but considered that a seasoned lot like All Saints -could keep on spurting away long enough to last out the course. - -"Unless, of course," people said, "unless Marrable does something extra -special." - -It was wonderful what a lot the world in general seemed to expect of -Marrable. Character counts for something even among the very young; and -there is no more youthful member of society than the undergraduate. The -sixth-form boy is a Nestor compared with him. - -Meanwhile our diminutive friend Dishy, the coxswain, had succeeded in -overtaking his captain, just as that great man stepped into a hansom in -Trinity Street. - -"Where are you off to, Hughie?" he panted. - -"Station." - -"People?" - -"Yes." - -"Well, I'm coming with you. I'll cut away before you meet her." - -Dishy was one of the few who dared to address Marrable in this strain. - -The two installed themselves in the hansom, and while the experienced -animal between the shafts proceeded down Trinity Street, butting its way -through sauntering pedestrians, pushing past country-parsonical -governess carts, taking dogs in its stride, and shrinking apprehensively -from motor-bicycles ridden by hatless youths in bedroom slippers, they -discussed affairs of state. - -"There's only one way to do it, Dishy," said Marrable. "I'm going -stroke." - -Dishy nodded approvingly. - -"It's the only thing to do," he said. "But who is going to row -seven--Stroke?" - -"Yes." - -"Bow-side will go to pieces," said Dishy with conviction. - -"Perhaps. But as things are at present stroke side will." - -"That's true," admitted the coxswain. "Let's see now: there'll be you -stroke, Duncombe seven, Puffin six--it's worth trying anyhow. We're -bound to keep away from the James' people, so we might as well have a -shot." - -"Clear out now," said Marrable, "and go round and tell the men to be at -the boathouse by four, and we'll have a ten minutes' outing in the new -order. Then, when you've done that, cut down to the boathouse and tell -Jerry to alter my stretcher and Duncombe's." - -These commands involved a full hour's excessive activity in a hot sun on -the part of Mr. Dishart-Watson; but Marrable was not the man to spare -himself or his subordinates when occasion demanded. - -The coxswain descended to the step of the hansom and clung to the -splash-board as he received his last instructions. - -"And tell Jerry," added Marrable, "to get down a new stroke-side oar, -with a good six-inch blade. Duncombe's has been shaved down to a -tooth-pick." - -Dishy nodded cheerfully and dropped off into the traffic. - -"The old man means business. We shall go Head now," he murmured to -himself with simple confidence. "All right, sir, my fault entirely. -Don't apologise!" - -And leaving an inverted motor-cyclist, who had run into him from behind, -to congest the traffic and endure laceration from his own still -faithfully revolving pedals, the coxswain of the St. Benedict's boat -proceeded at a brisk pace back to his College, there to inform a sorely -tried troupe of seven that, owing to an eleventh-hour change in the -cast, a full-dress rehearsal of their evening's performance had been -called for four o'clock sharp. - - - - - CHAPTER II - - INTRODUCES THE HEROINE OF THIS NARRATIVE - - -It has been said by those who ought to know that, if the most painful -quarter of an hour in a man's life comes when he is screwing himself up -to proposing-point, the corresponding period in a woman's is that -immediately preceding her first dinner-party in her own house. - -Granting the unpleasantness of both these chastening but necessary -experiences, a mere male may be excused for inquiring why the second -should be ear-marked as the exclusive prerogative of the opposite sex. -There is no more morbidly apprehensive creature under the sun than the -undergraduate about to give a state luncheon-party which is to be graced -by the presence of his beloved. - -Hughie Marrable sat back in his hansom with knitted brow, and checked -some hieroglyphics on the back of an envelope. - -"Let's see," he murmured to himself, "_Dressed crab_. Can't go wrong -there. Told the cook to be sure to send it up in the silver scallops -with the College crest on. After all, it's the trimmings that really -appeal to a woman. Not the food, but the way you serve it up. Rum -creatures!" he added parenthetically. "_Prawns in aspic_. That always -looks nice, anyway, though not very filling at the price. I remember -last year Kitty Devenish said it looked simply--" - -Hughie checked his soliloquy rather suddenly, and, if any one else had -been present in the hansom, would probably have blushed a little. Miss -Kitty Devenish was what cycle-dealers term "a last year's model," and at -the present moment Hughie was driving to meet some one else. He -continued:-- - -"_Cutlets à la reform_. Quite the best thing the kitchens turn out, but -not so showy as they might be. Still, with old Huish's Crown Derby -plates--it was decent of the old man to lend them; I hope to goodness -Mrs. Gunn won't do anything rash with them--they ought to do. _Grassy -corner pudding_. That always creates excitement, though it tastes -rotten. _Fruit salad_; _crême brûlé_. That's safe enough. _Macaroni au -gratin_. She won't touch it, but it'll please Uncle Jimmy and Jack Ames. -Wish I could have some myself! Never mind; only about six hours more!" - -Hughie smacked his lips. It is hard to sit among the flesh-pots and not -partake thereof. His fare at this feast would be cold beef and dry -toast. - -He turned over the envelope. - -"H'm--drink. Don't suppose she'll have anything, but I can't take that -for granted. There's a bottle of Berncastler Doctor and some Beaune. I -wonder if it would be best to have them open before I ask her what -she'll drink, or ask her what she'll drink before I open them. I'll have -'em open, I think. She might refuse if she saw the corks weren't drawn. -Anyhow Mrs. Ames will probably take some. But, great Scott! I must ask -Mrs. Ames first, mustn't I? That's settled anyway. She'll probably take -whatever Mrs. Ames takes. - -"Then there are the table decorations. I wish to goodness I could -remember whether it _was_ wall-flower she said. I think it must have -been, because I remember making some putrid joke to her once about like -attracting unlike. Anyhow, it's too late to change it now. I've plumped -for wall-flower, and the room simply stinks of it. - -"Then the seats. Me at the head, with Mrs. Ames on one hand and her on -the other. Uncle Jimmy at the end, with Ames on his left and Dicky Lunn -between Mrs. Ames and Uncle Jimmy. Yes, Ames _must_ sit there. Lord -knows, Dicky Lunn should be safe enough, but you never know what sort of -man a girl won't take a fancy to. And after all, Ames is married," added -the infatuated youth. - -"Then Mrs. Gunn. I think I've told her everything." He feverishly ticked -off his admonitions on his fingers. "Let me see,-- - -"_One_: not to put used plates on the floor. - -"_Two_: not to join in the conversation. - -"_Three_: not to let that wobbly affair in her bonnet dip into the food. - -"_Four_: not to breathe on things or polish them with her apron, except -out of sight. - -"_Five_: not to attempt on any account to hand round the drink. - -"_Six_: to go away directly after lunch and not trot in and out of the -gyp-room munching remains. - -"The tea-hamper should be all right. Trust the kitchens for that! I must -remember to stick in a box of chocolates, though. And I don't think I -need bother about dinner, as they are going to send in Richards to wait. -Anyhow, I shall have the boat off my chest by that time. That will be -something, especially _if_--" - -Hughie lapsed into silence, and for a moment a vision of love requited -gave place in his imagination to the spectacle of the Benedictine crew -going Head of the river. - -His reflections were interrupted by the arrival of his equipage at that -combined masterpiece of imposing architecture and convenient -arrangement, Cambridge railway station. The platform was crowded with -young men, most of them in "athletic dress," waiting for the London -train. The brows of all were seamed with care, partaking in all -probability of the domestic and amorous variety which obsessed poor -Hughie. - -The train as usual dashed into the station with a haughty -can't-stop-at-a-hole-like-this expression, only to clank across some -points and grind itself to an ignominious and asthmatic standstill at a -distant point beside the solitary and interminable platform which, -together with a ticket-office and a bookstall, prevents Cambridge -railway station from being mistaken for a rather out-of-date dock-shed. - -Presently Hughie, running rapidly, observed his guests descending from a -carriage. - -First came a pleasant-faced lady of between thirty and forty, followed -by a stout and easy-going husband. Next, an oldish gentleman with a -white moustache and a choleric blue eye. And finally--pretty, fresh, and -disturbing--appeared the _fons et origo_ of the entire expedition, on -whose account the disposition and incidents of Hughie's luncheon-party -had been so cunningly planned and so laboriously rehearsed--Miss Mildred -Freshwater. - -The party greeted their host characteristically. His uncle, even as he -shook hands, let drop a few fervent anticipatory remarks on the subject -of lunch; Mr. Ames, who was an old college boat captain, coupled his -greeting with an anxious inquiry as to the club's prospects of success -that evening; Mrs. Ames' eyes plainly said, "Well, I've _brought_ her, -my boy; now wire in!" and Miss Freshwater, when it came to her turn, -shook hands with an unaffected pleasure and _camaraderie_ which would -have suited Hughie better if there had been discernible upon her face -what Yum-Yum once pithily summed up as "a trace of diffidence or -shyness." - -Still, Hughie was so enraptured with the vision before him that he -failed to observe a small and shrinking figure which had coyly emerged -from the train, and was hanging back, as if doubtful about its -reception, behind Mrs. Ames' skirts. Presently it detached itself and -stood before Hughie in the form of a small girl with coppery brown hair -and wide grey-blue eyes. - -"Joey!" shouted Hughie. - -"She would come!" explained his uncle, in the resigned tones of a strong -man who knows his limits. - -The lady indicated advanced to Hughie's side, and, taking his hand, -rubbed herself ingratiatingly against him in the inarticulate but -eloquent manner peculiar to dumb animals and young children. - - - - - CHAPTER III - - JIMMY MARRABLE - - -Luncheon on the whole was a success, though Mrs. Gunn's behaviour -exceeded anything that Hughie had feared. - -She began by keeping the ladies adjusting their hair in Hughie's bedroom -for something like ten minutes, while she recited to them a detailed and -revolting description of her most recent complaint. Later, she initiated -an impromptu and unseemly campaign--beginning with a skirmish of -whispers in the doorway, swelling uproariously to what sounded like a -duet between a cockatoo and a bloodhound on the landing outside, and -dying away to an irregular fire of personal innuendoes, which dropped -over the banisters one by one, like the gentle dew of heaven, on to the -head of the retreating foe beneath--with a kitchen-man over a thumb-mark -on a pudding-plate. - -But fortunately for Hughie the company tacitly agreed to regard her as a -form of comic relief; and when she kept back the salad-dressing for the -express purpose--frustrated at the very last moment--of pouring it over -the sweets; yea, even when she suddenly plucked a hairpin from her head -with which to spear a wasp in the grassy corner pudding, the ladies -agreed that she was "an old pet." When Mrs. Ames went so far as to -follow her into the gyp-room after lunch and thank her for her trouble -in waiting upon them, Mrs. Gunn, divided between extreme gratification -and a desire to lose no time, unlimbered her batteries at once; and -Hughie's tingling ears, as he handed round the coffee, overheard the -portentous and mysterious fragment: "Well, mum, I put 'im straight to -bed, and laid a hot flannel on his--," just as the door of the gyp-room -swung to with a merciful bang. - -It was now after two, and Hughie, in response to a generally expressed -desire, laid before his guests a detailed programme for the afternoon. -He proposed, first of all, to show them round the College. After that -the party would proceed to Ditton Paddock in charge of Mr. Richard -Lunn--who, it will be remembered, had been selected by Hughie as -cavalier on account of his exceptional qualifications for the post--in -company with a substantial tea-basket, the contents of which he hoped -would keep them fortified in body and spirit until the races began with -the Second Division, about five-thirty. - -"How are you going to get us down to Ditton, Hughie?" inquired his -uncle. - -"Well, there's a fly which will hold five of you, and I thought"--Hughie -cleared his throat--"I could take the other one down in a canoe." - -There was a brief pause, while the company, glancing at one another with -varying expressions of solemnity, worked out mental problems in -Permutations and Combinations. Presently the tactless Ames inquired:-- - -"Which one are you going to take in the canoe?" - -"Oh, anybody," said Hughie, in a voice which said as plainly as -possible: "Silly old ass!" - -However, realising that it is no use to continue skirmishing after your -cover has been destroyed, he directed a gaze of invitation upon Miss -Freshwater, who was sitting beside him on the seat. - -She turned to him before he could speak. - -"Hughie," she said softly, "take that child. Just look at her!" - -Hughie obediently swallowed something, and turned to the wide-eyed and -wistful picture on the sofa. - -"Will you come, Joey?" he inquired. - -The lady addressed signified, by a shudder of ecstasy, that the answer -to the invitation was in the affirmative. - -"Meanwhile," said Mr. Marrable, "I am going to smoke a cigar before I -stir out of this room. And if you people will spare Hughie for ten -minutes, I'll keep him here and have a short talk with him. I must go -back to-night." - -The accommodating Mr. Lunn suggested that this interval should be -bridged by a personally conducted expedition to his rooms downstairs, -where he would have great pleasure in exhibiting to the company a -"rather decent" collection of door-knockers and bell-handles, the -acquisition of which articles of _vertu_ (he being a youth of strong -wrist and fleet foot) was a special hobby of his. - -Hughie was left alone with his uncle--the only relation he possessed in -the world, and the man who had been to him both father and mother for -nearly eighteen years. - -Hughie had been born in India. His recollections of his parents were -vague in the extreme, but if he shut both eyes and pressed hard upon -them with his hands he could summon up various pictures of a beautiful -lady, whose arms were decked with glittering playthings that jingled -musically when she carved the chicken for Hughie's nursery dinner. He -particularly remembered these arms, for their owner had a pleasant habit -of coming up to kiss him good-night after his ayah had put him to bed. -On these occasions they were always bare; and Hughie remembered quite -distinctly how much more comfortable they were then than next morning at -tiffin, when they were enclosed in sleeves which sometimes scratched. - -Of his father he remembered less, except that he was a very large person -who wore gorgeous raiment of scarlet. Also things on his heels which -clicked. He had a big voice, too, this man, and he used to amuse himself -by training Hughie to stand stiffly erect whenever he cried, "'Shun!" - -Hughie also remembered a voyage on a big ship, where the passengers made -much of him, and a fascinating person in a blue jersey (which -unfortunately scratched) presented him with numerous string balls, which -smelt most gloriously of tar but always fell into the Indian Ocean or -some other inaccessible place. - -Then he remembered arriving with his parents at a big bungalow in a -compound full of grassplots and flower-beds, where a person whom he -afterwards learned to call Uncle Jimmy greeted him gravely and asked him -to accept his hospitality for a time. After that--quite soon--he -remembered saying good-bye to his parents, or rather, his parents saying -good-bye to him. The big man shook him long and solemnly by the hand, -which hurt a good deal but impressed Hughie deeply, and the beautiful -lady's arms--with thick sleeves on, too!--clung round Hughie's neck till -he thought he would choke. But he stood stiffly at "'shun" all the time, -because his parents seemed thoroughly unhappy about something, and he -desired to please them. He had never had a woman's arms round his neck -since. - -After his parents had gone, he settled down happily enough in the big -compound, which he soon learned to call "the garding." The name of the -bungalow he gathered from most of the people with whom he came in -contact was "The 'All," though there were some who called it "Manors," -and Uncle Jimmy, who, too, apparently possessed more than one name, was -invariably referred to by Hughie's friends in the village as "Ole -Peppery." - -Very shortly after his parents' departure Hughie overheard a -conversation between his uncle and Mrs. Capper, the lady who managed the -household, which puzzled him a good deal. - -"Understand, Capper, I won't have it," said his uncle. - -"Think what people will say, sir," urged Mrs. Capper respectfully but -insistently. - -"I don't care a"--Capper coughed discreetly here--"what people say. The -boy is not going to be decked out in crape and hearse-plumes to please -you or any other old woman." - -"Hearse-plumes would not be essential, sir," said the literal Capper. -"But I think the child should have a little black suit." - -"The child will run about in his usual rags," replied Old Peppery, in a -voice of thunder; "and if I catch you or any one else stuffing him up -with yarns about canker-worms or hell-fire, or any trimmings of that -description, I tell you straight that there will be the father and -mother of a row." - -"Yes, sir," said Capper meekly. "And I desire, sir," she added in the -same even tone, "to give warning." - -Thereupon Uncle Jimmy had stamped his way downstairs to the hall, and -Hughie was left wondering what the warning could have been which Mrs. -Capper desired to utter. It must have been a weighty one, for she -continued to deliver it at intervals during the next ten years, long -indeed after Hughie's growing intelligence had discovered its meaning. -But her utterances received about as much attention from her employer as -Cassandra's from hers. - -However, the immediate result of the conversation recorded above -was that Mrs. Capper made no attempt to deck Hughie in crape or -hearse-plumes; and later on, when he was old enough to understand the -meaning of death, his uncle told him how his parents had gone to their -God together--"the happiest fate, old man, that can fall on husband and -wife"--one stormy night in the Bay of Biscay, in company with every -other soul on board the troop-ship Helianthus, and that henceforth -Hughie must be prepared to regard the broken-down old buffer before him -as his father and mother. - -Hughie had gravely accepted this arrangement, and for more than -seventeen years he and his uncle had treated one another as father and -son. - -Jimmy Marrable was a little eccentric,--but so are most old -bachelors,--and like a good many eccentric men he rather prided himself -on his peculiarities. If anything, he rather cultivated them. One of his -most startling characteristics was a habit of thinking aloud. He would -emerge unexpectedly from a brown study, to comment to himself with -stunning suddenness and absolute candour on the appearance and manners -of those around him. It was credibly reported that he had once taken a -rather intense and voluble lady in to dinner, and after regarding her -for some time with a fixity of attention which had deluded the good soul -into the belief that he was hanging on her lips, had remarked to -himself, with appalling distinctness, during a lull in the conversation: -"Guinea set--misfit at the top--gutta-percha fixings--wonder they don't -drop into her soup!" and continued his meal without any apparent -consciousness of having said anything unusual. - -He was eccentric, too, about other matters. Once Hughie, returning from -school for his holidays, discovered that there had been an addition to -the family in his absence. - -Mrs. Capper's very face in the hall told him that something was wrong. -Its owner informed Hughie that though one should be prepared to take -life as one found it, and live and let live had been her motto from -infancy, her equilibrium ever since the thing had happened had lain at -the mercy of the first aggressively disposed feather that came along, -and what people in the neighbourhood would say she dared not think. - -She ran on. Hughie waited patiently, and presently unearthed the facts. - -A few weeks ago the master had returned from a protracted visit to -London, bringing with him two children. He had announced that the -pair were henceforth to be regarded as permanent inmates of the -establishment. Beyond the fact that one brat was fair and a boy and the -other darkish and a girl, and that Mrs. Capper had given warning on -sight, Hughie could elicit nothing, and waited composedly for his uncle -to come home from shooting. - -Jimmy Marrable, when he arrived, was not communicative. He merely stated -that the little devils were the children of an old friend of his, called -Gaymer, who had died suddenly and left them to be brought up by him as -guardian. - -"And Hughie, my son," he concluded, "if you don't want your head bitten -off you will refrain in this case from indulging in your propensity for -asking why and getting to the bottom of things. I'm not best pleased at -finding them on my hands, but here they are and there's an end of it. -The girl is five--ten years younger than you--and the boy's eight. She -is called Joan, and his idiotic name is Lancelot Wellesley. I wonder -they didn't christen him Galahad Napoleon! Come upstairs and see them." - -All this had occurred seven years ago. During that time Lancelot -Wellesley Gaymer had grown up sufficiently to go to a public school, and -consequently Miss Joan Gaymer had been left very much in the company of -the curious old gentleman whom she had soon learned to call Unker Zimmy. -Of their relations it will be sufficient at present to mention that a -more curiously assorted and more thoroughly devoted couple it would be -difficult to find. - -Jimmy Marrable reclined on the window seat and smoked his cigar. His -nephew, enviously eyeing the blue smoke, sprawled in an arm-chair. - -"Hughie," said the elder man suddenly, "how old are you? Twenty-one, -isn't it?" - -"Yes." - -"And are you going down for good next week?" - -"Yes." Hughie sighed. - -"Got a degree?" - -"Tell you on Tuesday." - -"Tell me now." - -"Well--yes, I should think." - -"What in?" - -"Mechanical Stinks--Engineering. Second Class, if I'm lucky." - -"Um. Got any vices?" - -"Not specially." - -"Drink?" - -"No." - -"Not a teetotaller?" said Jimmy Marrable in some concern. - -"No." - -"That's good. Ever been drunk?" - -"Yes." - -"Badly, I mean. I'm not talking about bump-supper exhilaration." - -"Only once." - -"When?" - -"My first term." - -"What for?" - -"To see what it was like." - -"Perfectly sound proceeding," commented Jimmy Marrable. "What were your -impressions of the experiment?" - -"I haven't got any," said Hughie frankly. "I only woke up next morning -in bed with my boots on." - -"Who put you there?" - -"Seven other devils." - -"And you have not repeated the experiment?" - -"No. There's no need. I know my capacity to a glass now." - -"Then you know something really worth knowing," remarked Jimmy Marrable -with sincerity. "Now, what are you going to do with yourself? Why not go -and see the world a bit? You have always wanted to. And do it thoroughly -while you are about it. Take five years over it; ten if you like. You -_will_ like, you know. It's in the blood. That's why I think you are -wise not to want to enter the Service. You can always scrape in -somewhere if there _is_ a war, and barrack-life in time of peace -would corrode your very heart out. It nearly killed your dad at -five-and-twenty. That was why he exchanged and took to the Frontier, and -ended his days in command of a Goorkha regiment. Life at first hand; -that's what we Marrables thrive on! I never set foot in this country -myself between the ages of twenty and thirty-three. I would come with -you again if it wasn't for Anno Domini--and the nippers. But you'll find -a good many old friends of mine dotted about the world. They're not all -folk I could give you letters of introduction to--some of 'em don't -speak English and others can't read and write; but they'll show you the -ropes better than any courier. You take my advice, and go. England is no -place for a young man with money and no particular profession, until -he's over thirty and ready to marry. Will you go, Hughie?" - -Hughie's expression showed that he was considering the point rather -reluctantly. His uncle continued:-- - -"Money all right, I suppose? You have eight hundred a-year now you are -of age. Got any debts, eh? I'll help you." - -"None to speak of. Thanks all the same." - -"Well; why not go?" - -"I should like to go more than anything," said Hughie slowly, "but--" - -"Well?" - -"I don't know--that is--" - -"I _do_," said Jimmy Marrable with characteristic frankness. "You are -struggling between an instinct which tells you to do the sensible thing -and an overpowering desire to do a dashed silly one." - -Hughie grew very red. - -His uncle continued:-- - -"You want to marry that girl." - -Hughie blazed up. - -"I do," he said, rather defiantly. - -The cigar glowed undisturbedly. - -"You think that life has no greater happiness to offer you?" - -"I am sure of it," said Hughie, with an air of one stating a simple -truth. - -"And you are twenty-one?" - -"Ye--es," with less fire. - -Jimmy Marrable smoked reflectively for a few minutes. - -"I am an old bachelor," he said at last, "and old bachelors are supposed -to know nothing about love-affairs. The truth of course is that they -know far more than any one else." - -Hughie was accustomed to these _obiter dicta_. - -"Why?" he asked dutifully. - -"Well, for the same reason that a broken swashbuckler knows a deal more -about soldiering than a duly enrolled private of the line. He has had a -more varied experience. The longer a man remains a bachelor the more he -learns about women; and the more he learns about women the better able -he will be to make his way in the world. Therefore, if he marries young -he reduces his chances of success in life to a minimum. The sad part -about it all is that, provided he gets the girl he wants, he doesn't -care. That, by the way, is the reason why nearly all the most famous men -in history have either been unhappily married or not married at all. -Happiness has no history. Happily married men are never ambitious. They -don't go toiling and panting after--" - -"They have no need to," said Hughie. "A man doesn't go on running after -a tram-car after he has caught it." - -"That begs the question, Hughie. It presumes that all the available -happiness in the world is contained in one particular tram-car. Besides, -the tram-cars you mean are intended for men over thirty. The young ought -to walk." - -Hughie realised that the conversation was growing rather too subtle for -him, and reverted to plain cut and thrust. - -"Then you think no man should marry before thirty?" he said. - -"Nothing of the kind! It depends on the man. If he is a steady, decent, -average sort of fellow, who regards a ledger as a Bible and an -office-stool as a stepping-stone to the summit of the universe, and -possesses no particular aptitude for the rough-and-tumble of life, the -sooner he marries and settles down as a contented old pram-pusher the -better for him and the nation. Do you fancy yourself in that line, -Hughie?" - -"No-o-o," said Hughie reluctantly. "But I might learn," he added -hopefully. "I'm a pretty adaptable bloke." - -Jimmy Marrable threw his cigar-end out of the window, and sat up. - -"Listen, Hughie," he said, "and I'll tell you what you _really_ are. You -are the son of a mother who climbed out of her bedroom window (and let -herself down a rain-pipe that I wouldn't have trusted a monkey on) in -order to elope with the man she loved. Your father was the commander of -as tough a native regiment as I have ever known. Your grandfather was an -explorer. I've been a bit of a rolling-stone myself. About one relation -of yours in three dies in his bed. You come of a stock which prefers to -go and see things for itself rather than read about them in the -newspaper, and which has acquired a considerable knowledge of the art of -handling men in the process. Those are rather rare assets. If you take a -woman in tow at the tender age of twenty-one, there will be a disaster. -Either you will sit at home and eat your heart out, or you will go -abroad and leave her to eat out hers. Am I talking sense?" - -Hughie sighed like a furnace. - -"Yes, confound you!" he said. - -"Will you promise not to rush into matrimony, then?" - -"Perhaps she'll wait for me," mused Hughie. - -"How old is she?" - -"Twenty-one, like me." - -"H'm," remarked Jimmy Marrable drily. "That means that she is for all -practical purposes ten years your senior. However, perhaps she will. -Pigs might fly. But will you promise me to think the matter over very -carefully before deciding not to go abroad?" - -"Yes," said Hughie. - -"That being the case," continued his uncle briskly, "I want to tell you -one or two things. If you do go, I may never see you again." - -"I say," said Hughie in alarm, "there's nothing wrong with your health, -is there, old man?" - -"Bless you, no! But once a Marrable takes to the wilds Methuselah -himself couldn't reckon on living long enough to see him again. So I am -going to talk to you while I've got you. I am taking this opportunity of -being near town to see my solicitor and make my will. I am fit enough, -but I am fifty this year; and at that age a man ought to make some -disposition of his property. I may as well tell you that I have left you -nothing. Annoyed?" - -"Not in the least." - -"And I have left nothing to Master Lance." - -Hughie looked a little surprised at this. - -"I mean to start him on his own legs before my demise," explained Jimmy -Marrable. "Immediately, in fact. That is partly what I am going up to -town for. I am investing a sum for him which ought to bring him in about -two hundred a year for the rest of his life. He's nearly sixteen now, -and he'll have to administer his income himself--pay his own -school-bills and everything. Just as I made you do. Nothing like -accustoming a boy to handling money when he's young. Then he doesn't go -a mucker when he suddenly comes into a lot of it. I shan't give him -more, because it would prevent him from working. Two hundred won't. A -slug would perhaps live contentedly enough on it, but Lancelot Wellesley -Gaymer is a pretentious young sweep, and he'll work in order to gain the -means for making a splash. The two hundred will keep him going till he -finds his feet." - -Jimmy Marrable paused, and surveyed his nephew rather irritably. - -"Well," he inquired at length, "haven't you any contribution to make to -this conversation?" - -"Can't say I have had much chance so far," replied the disrespectful -Hughie. - -"Don't you want to know what I'm going to do with the rest of my money? -That's a question that a good many people are worrying themselves about. -Don't you want to join in the inquisition?" - -"Can't say I do. No business of mine." - -His uncle surveyed him curiously. - -"You're infernally like your father, Hughie," he said. "Well, I'm going -to leave it to Joey." - -"Good scheme," said Hughie. - -"You think so?" - -"Rather!" - -"There's a lot of it," continued his uncle reflectively. "Some of it is -tied up rather queerly, too. My executors will have a bit of a job." - -He surveyed the impassive Hughie again. - -"Don't you want to know who my executors are?" he inquired quite -angrily. - -"No," said Hughie, who was deep in other thoughts at the moment. "Not my -business," he repeated. - -"Hughie," said Jimmy Marrable, "you are poor Arthur over again. He was a -cursedly irritating chap at times," he added explosively. - -A babble of cheerful voices on the staircase announced the return of the -safe-looking Mr. Lunn and party. They flowed in, entranced with that -gentleman's door-knockers (the countenances of which, by the way, were -usually compared by undergraduate critics, not at all unfavourably, with -that of their owner), and declared themselves quite ready now to be -properly impressed by whatever features of the College Hughie should be -pleased to exhibit to them. - -One tour round a College is very like another; and we need not therefore -follow our friends up and down winding staircases, or in and out of -chapels and libraries, while they gaze down on the resting-places of -the illustrious dead or gape up at the ephemeral abodes of the -undistinguished living. - -The expedition was chiefly remarkable (to the observant eye of Mrs. -Ames) for the efforts made by its conductor to get lost in suitable -company--an enterprise which was invariably frustrated by the resolute -conduct of that small but determined hero-worshipper, Miss Joan Gaymer. -On one occasion, however, Hughie and Miss Freshwater were left together -for a moment. The party had finished surveying the prospect from the -roof of the College Chapel, and were painfully groping their way in -single file down a spiral staircase. Only Hughie, Miss Freshwater, and -the ubiquitous Miss Gaymer were left at the top. - -"You go next, Joey," said Hughie; "then Miss Freshwater, then me." - -The lady addressed plunged obediently into the gloomy chasm at her feet. -She observed with frank jealousy that the other two did not immediately -follow her, and accordingly waited for them in the belfry half-way down. - -Presently she heard their footsteps descending; and Miss Freshwater's -voice said:-- - -"I wanted to tell you about it first of anybody, Hughie, because you and -I have always been such friends. Nobody else knows yet." - -There was a silence, broken only by Hughie's footsteps, evidently -negotiating a difficult turn. Then Miss Freshwater's voice continued, a -little wistfully:-- - -"Aren't you going to congratulate me?" - -And Hughie's voice, sounding strangely sepulchral in the echoing -darkness, replied:-- - -"Rather! I--I--hope you'll be very happy. Mind that step." - -Miss Gaymer wondered what it was all about. - -Hughie found an opportunity before the day was over of holding another -brief conversation with his uncle, in the course of which he expressed -an opinion on the advantages of immediate and extensive foreign travel -which sent that opponent of early marriages back to town in a thoroughly -satisfied frame of mind. - -"There ought to be a statue," said Jimmy Marrable to his cigar, as he -leaned back reflectively in his railway carriage, "set up in the capital -of every British Colony, representing a female figure in an attitude of -aloofness, and inscribed: _Erected by a grateful Colony to its Principal -Emigration Agent--The Girl at Home Who Married Somebody Else_." - -Then he sighed to himself--rather forlornly, a woman would have said. - - - - - CHAPTER IV - - AN UNDERSTUDY - - - "_The indulgence of the audience is asked on behalf of Miss Joan - Gaymer, who, owing to the sudden indisposition of Miss Mildred - Freshwater, has taken up that lady's part at very short notice._" - -A couple of hours later Hughie, roaring very gently for so great a lion, -was engaged in paddling a Canadian canoe down to Ditton Corner. - -The canoe contained one passenger, who, with feminine indifference to -the inflexible laws of science, was endeavouring to assist its progress -by paddling in the wrong direction. Her small person, propped by -convenient cushions, was wedged into the bow of the vessel, and her -white frock and attenuated black legs were protected from the results of -her own efforts at navigation by a spare blazer of Hughie's. Her hat lay -on the floor of the canoe, half-full of cherries, and her long hair -rippled and glimmered in the afternoon sun. Miss Joan Gaymer would be a -beauty some day, but for the present all knowledge of that fact was -being tactfully withheld from her. To do her justice, the prospect would -have interested her but little. Like most small girls of eleven, she -desired nothing so much at present as to resemble a small boy as closely -as possible. She would rather have captured one bird's-nest than twenty -hearts, and appearances she counted as dross provided she could hold her -own in a catherine-wheel competition. - -They were rather a silent couple. Joan was filled with that contentment -which is beyond words. She was wearing a new frock; she had escaped -under an escort almost exclusively male--if we except the benevolent -despotism of Mrs. Ames--from home, nurse, and governess, to attend a -series of purely grown-up functions; and to crown all, she was alone in -the canoe, a light-blue blazer spread over her knees, with one who -represented to her small experience the head and summit of all that a -man should--nay, could--be. - -"I expect," she remarked, in a sudden burst of exultation, as the canoe -slid past two gorgeously arrayed young persons who were seated by the -water's edge, "that those two are pretty sorry they're not in this canoe -with us." - -The ladies referred to arose and walked inland with some deliberation. -Hughie did not answer. His brow was knitted and his manner somewhat -absent. - -"Hughie," announced Miss Gaymer reproachfully, "you are looking very -cross at me." - -She had a curiously gruff and hoarse little voice, and suffered in -addition from inability to pronounce those elusive consonants _r_ and -_l_. So she did not say "very cross," but "ve'y c'oss," in a deep bass. - -Hughie roused himself. - -"Sorry, Joey!" he said; "I was thinking." - -"Sec'ets?" inquired Miss Gaymer, all agog with femininity at once. - -"No." - -"Oh,"--rather disappointedly. "About your old boat, then?" - -"Yes," said Hughie untruthfully. "Do you quite understand how we race?" - -"I _think_ so," said the child. "Your boat is second, and it wants to -bump into the boat in f'ont--is that it?" - -"Yes." - -"Well, do it just when you pass us, will you?" - -"I'll try," said Hughie, beginning to brighten up. "But it may take -longer than that. About the Railway Bridge, I should think." - -"And after the race will _you_ take me home again?" inquired the lady -anxiously. - -"Can't be done, I'm afraid. The race finishes miles from Ditton, where -you will be; and I shouldn't be able to get back in time. You had better -drive home with the others." - -"When shall I see you again, then?" demanded Miss Gaymer, who was not of -an age to be reticent about the trend of her virgin affections. - -"About seven. You are all coming to dine in my rooms." - -"Ooh!" exclaimed his companion in a flutter of excitement. "How long can -I sit up?" - -"Ask Mrs. Ames," replied the diplomatic Hughie. - -"Till _ten_?" hazarded Joey, with the air of one initiating a Dutch -auction. - -"Don't ask _me_, old lady." - -"Supposing," suggested Miss Gaymer craftily, "that you was to say you -wanted me to sit up and keep you company?" - -Hughie laughed. "Afraid that wouldn't work. I have to go out about nine -to a Bump Supper." - -"What's that?" - -"A College supper, in honour of the men who have been rowing." - -"I like suppers," said Miss Gaymer tentatively. - -Hughie smiled. "I don't think you'd like this one, Joey," he said. - -"Why? Don't they have any sixpences or thimbles in the t'ifle?" said -Miss Gaymer, in whose infant mind the word supper merely conjured up a -vision of sticky children, wearing paper caps out of crackers, -distending themselves under adult supervision. - -"I don't think they _have_ any trifle." - -"Perfectly p'eposte'ous!" commented Miss Gaymer with heat. (I think it -has already been mentioned that she spent a good deal of her time in the -company of Jimmy Marrable.) "Ices?" - -"Let me see. Yes--sometimes." - -"Ah!" crooned Joey, with a happy little sigh. "_Can't_ I come?" - -"Afraid not, madam. Bump Suppers are for gentlemen only." - -"I should like that," said madam frankly. - -"And they are rather noisy. You might get frightened." - -"Not if I was sitting alongside of you," was the tender reply. - -Joey's anxiety for his company renewed Hughie's depression of spirits. -Admiration and confidence are very desirable tributes to receive; but -when they come from every quarter save the right one the desirability of -that quarter is only intensified. Poor human nature! Hughie sighed again -in a manner which caused the entire canoe to vibrate. Miss Gaymer -suddenly turned the conversation. - -"What was that person talking to you about, Hughie?" she inquired. - -"Who?" - -"That person that came with us in the t'ain. Miss--" Joey's mouth -twisted itself into a hopeless tangle. - -"Freshwater?" said Hughie, reddening. - -"Yes. When you were taking us round the Co'ege after lunch you and her -stayed behind on the top of the Chapel, while the rest of us were coming -down. When I was waiting for you, I heard her say: 'You're the first to -hear of it, Hughie.' To hear of what?" - -Hughie looked genuinely disturbed. - -"I don't know whether she wants it known yet, Joey," he said. - -Miss Gaymer assumed an expression before which she knew that most -gentlemen of her acquaintance, from Uncle Jimmy down to the coachman at -home, were powerless. - -"Hughie dear, you'll tell _me_, won't you?" she said. - -Hughie, making a virtue of necessity, agreed. - -"Well, promise you won't tell anybody," he said. - -"All right," agreed Miss Gaymer, pleasantly intrigued. - -"She's going to be married," said Hughie, in a voice which he -endeavoured to make as matter-of-fact as possible. It was not a very -successful effort. At twenty-one these things hurt quite as much, if not -so lastingly, as in later life. - -"I'm ve'y g'ad to hear it," remarked Miss Gaymer with composure. - -Hughie looked at the small flushed face before him rather curiously. - -"Why, Joey?" he asked. - -"Never mind!" replied Miss Gaymer primly. - -After that the conversation languished, for they were approaching the -race-course, and boats of every size and rig were thronging round them. -There was the stately family gig, with an academic and myopic -paterfamilias at the helm and his numerous progeny at the oars, sweeping -the deep of surrounding craft like Van Tromp's broom. There was the -typical May Week argosy, consisting of a rowing-man's mother and -sisters, left in the care of two or three amorous but unnautical -cricketers, what time their relative performed prodigies of valour in -the Second Division. There was also a particularly noisome home-made -motor-boat,--known up and down the river from Grantchester to Ely as -"The Stinkpot,"--about the size of a coffin, at present occupied (in the -fullest sense of the word) by its designer, builder, and owner; who, -packed securely into his craft, with his feet in a pile of small coal, -the end of the boiler in the pit of his stomach, and the engines working -at fever heat between his legs, was combining the duties of stoker, -engineer, helmsman, and finally (with conspicuous success) director of -ramming operations. - -Through these various obstacles Hughie, despite the assistance of his -passenger, directed his canoe with unerring precision, and finally -brought up with all standing beside the piles at Ditton. He experienced -no difficulty in making arrangements for the return journey of the -canoe, for a gentleman of his acquaintance begged to be allowed the -privilege of navigating it home, pleading internal pressure in his own -craft as the reason. Hughie granted the boon with alacrity, merely -wondering in his heart which of the three languishing damsels planted -round his friend's tea-urn he had to thank for the deliverance. - -They found the fly in a good position close to the water, with the rest -of the party drinking tea, and meekly wondering when the heroes who -dotted the landscape in various attitudes of nervousness would -disencumber themselves of their gorgeous trappings and get to business. -Hughie deposited Joan beside a mountain of buns and a fountain of tea, -and, after expressing a hope that every one was getting on all right, -announced that the Second Division might be expected to paddle down at -any moment now. - -This statement involved a chorus of questions regarding the -technicalities of rowing, which that model of utility, Mr. Lunn, had -confessed himself unable to answer, and which had accordingly been held -over till Hughie's arrival. - -Hughie's rather diffident impersonation of Sir Oracle, and his intricate -explanation of the exact difference between bucketing and tubbing -(listened to with respectful interest by surrounding tea-parties), was -suddenly interrupted by a small but insistent voice, which besought him -to turn the tap off and look pretty for a moment. - -There was a shout of laughter, and Hughie turned round, to find that one -of those privileged and all too inveterate attendants upon the modern -athlete, a photographer, was (with the assistance of a megaphone) -maintaining a reputation for humorous offensiveness, at his expense, on -the towpath opposite. - -After this the Second Division paddled down to the start, arrayed in -colours which would have relegated such competitors as King Solomon and -the lilies of the field to that euphemistic but humiliating category -indicated by the formula "Highly Commended." Presently they returned, -unclothed to an alarming and increasing extent, and rowing forty to the -minute. One crew brought off a "gallery" bump right at Ditton Corner, to -the joy of the galaxy of beauty and fashion thereon assembled. The -bumped crew made the best of an inglorious situation by running into the -piles and doubling up the nose of the boat, which suddenly buckled and -assumed a sentry-box attitude over the head of the apoplectic gentleman -who was rowing bow. The good ship herself incontinently sank, all hands -going down with her like an octette of Casabiancas. Whereupon applause -for the victors was turned into cries of compassion for the vanquished. -However, as all concerned shook themselves clear of the wreck without -difficulty and paddled contentedly to the bank, the panic subsided, and -the rest of the procession raced past without further incident. - -As the last boat, remote, unfriended, melancholy, slow, accompanied by a -coloured gentleman ringing a dinner-bell and a spectacled don who -trotted alongside chanting, "Well rowed, Non-Collegiate Students!" -creaked dismally past, Hughie arose and shook himself. - -"Our turn now," he said. "So long, everybody!" - -"Good luck, Hughie!" said Mrs. Ames. "Your health!" - -She waved her cup and then took a sip of tea. - -There was a chorus of good wishes from the party, and one or two -neighbouring enthusiasts raised a cry of "Benedict's!" which swelled to -a roar as Hughie, flushing red, elbowed his way out of the paddock and -steered a course for a ferry-boat a hundred yards down the Long Reach. -Popular feeling, which likes a peg upon which to hang its predilections, -was running high in favour of Hughie and his practically single-handed -endeavour to humble the pride of the All Saints men, with their four -Blues and five years' Headship. - -Still, though many a man's--especially a young man's--heart would have -swelled excusably enough at such homage, Hughie cared very little -for these things. The notoriety of the sporting paper and the -picture-postcard attracted him not at all. He was doggedly determined to -take his boat to the Head of the river, not for the glory the -achievement would bring him, but for the very simple and sufficient -reason that he had made up his mind, four Blues notwithstanding, to -leave it there before he went down. A Cambridge man's pride in his -College is a very real thing. An Oxford man will tell you that he is an -Oxford man. A Cambridge man will say: "I was at such-and-such a College, -Cambridge." Which sentiment is the nobler need not be decided here, but -the fact remains. - -However, there was a fly in the ointment. Amid the expressions of -goodwill that emanated from Hughie's own party one voice had been -silent. The omission was quite unintentional, for Miss Mildred -Freshwater's head had been buried in a hamper in search of spoons at the -moment of Hughie's departure. But to poor Hughie, who for all his -strength was no more reasonable where his affections were concerned than -other and weaker brethren, the circumstance bereft the ovation of the -one mitigating feature it might otherwise have possessed for him. - -As he strode along the bank to where the ferry-boat was waiting, he -heard a pattering of feet behind. A small, hot, and rather grubby hand -was thrust into his, and Miss Gaymer remarked:-- - -"I'm coming as far as that boat with you, Hughie. Can I?" - -"All right, Joey," he replied. - -They had only a few yards farther to go. Miss Gaymer looked up into her -idol's troubled countenance. - -"What's the matter, Hughie!" she inquired. - -"Joey, I've got the hump." - -Miss Gaymer squeezed his arm affectionately. - -"Never mind, I'll marry you when I'm grown up," she announced rather -breathlessly. - -Hughie felt a little awed, as a man must always when he realises that a -woman, however old or young, loves him. He smiled down on the slim -figure beside him. - -"You're a good sort, Joey," he said. "One of the best!" - -Miss Gaymer returned contentedly to her tea, utterly and absolutely -rewarded for the effort involved by the sacrifice of this, her maidenly -reserve. - - - - - CHAPTER V - - THE JOY OF BATTLE - - -Hughie stepped out of the ferry-boat on to the towpath, which was -crowded with young men hastening to the places where the boats were -moored and young women who would have been much better employed on the -opposite bank. - -The punctilious Hughie was looking about for a friendly hedge or other -protection behind which he might decorously slip off the white flannel -trousers which during the afternoon had been veiling the extreme brevity -of his rowing-shorts, when he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned and -found himself faced by a stout clean-shaven man, with eyes that twinkled -cheerfully behind round spectacles. He looked like what he was, a -country parson of the best type, burly, humorous, and shrewd, with -unmistakable traces of the schoolmaster about him. - -"I beg your pardon, sir," he said, with a rather old-fashioned bow, "but -are you Mr. Marrable?" - -Hughie admitted the fact. - -"Well, I just want to say that I hope you are going Head to-night. You -are to row stroke yourself, I hear." - -"Yes." - -"Quite right, quite right! It's a desperate thing to change your crew -about between races, but it's our only chance. You could never have -caught them with the man you had last night. He's plucky, but he can't -pick a crew up and take them with him. Have you been out in the new -order?" - -"Yes. We had a short spin a couple of hours ago." - -"Satisfactory?" - -"Yes, very fair." - -"That's excellent. Now we shall see a race!" - -The speaker turned and walked beside Hughie in the direction of the -Railway Bridge. Hughie wondered who he could be. - -"I suppose you are an old member of the College, sir," he said. - -"Yes. Haven't been able to come up for fifteen years, though." - -"In the crew, perhaps?" continued Hughie, observing his companion's -mighty chest--it had slipped down a little in fifteen years--and -shoulders. - -"Yes,"--rather diffidently. - -"I thought so. About what year?" - -The stranger told him. - -Hughie grew interested. - -"You must have been in D'Arcy's crew," he said,--"the great D'Arcy. My -father knew him well. _Were_ you?" - -"Er--yes." - -"My word!" Hughie's eyes blazed at the mention of the name, which, -uttered anywhere along the waterside between Putney Bridge and Henley, -still rouses young oarsmen to respectful dreams of distant emulation and -middle-aged coaches to floods of unreliable reminiscence. "He must have -been a wonder in his time. Did you know him well? What sort of chap was -he?" - -"Well--you see--I _am_ D'Arcy," replied the stranger apologetically. - -After that he gave Hughie advice about the coming race. - -"I have watched the All Saints crew for three nights now," he said. -"They are a fine lot, and beautifully together; but it is my opinion -that they can't last." - -"They're a bit too sure of themselves," said Hughie. "Too many Blues in -the boat." - -"How many?" - -"Four. Seven, Six, Five, and Bow." - -"Good! They are probably labouring under the delusion that a boat with -four Blues in it is four times as good as a boat with one Blue in it. -Consequently they haven't trained very hard, especially those two fat -men in the middle of the boat. What about their Stroke?" - -"Pretty enough, but a rotter when it comes to the pinch." - -"Good again! Well, these fellows have not once been extended during the -races, for you gave them no sort of a run last night. You went to bits -at the start and never quite recovered. However, that will give All -Saints some false confidence, which is just what we want. Now what do -you propose to do to-night? Jump on to their tails at the start?" - -"No good," said Hughie. "They are too old birds for that game. Besides, -my crew want very carefully working up to a fast stroke. I can't trust -Six at anything above thirty-four. He'll go on rowing that all day; but -if I quicken up to thirty-six or seven he gets flustered, and forty -sends him clean off his nut after about a minute. No, we must just wear -them down." - -"Quite right," said D'Arcy. "If you are within a length at the Railway -Bridge you ought just to do it." - -"The difficulty is," said Hughie ruefully, "that the crew are only good -for about one spurt. It's a good spurt, I must say, but if it fails we -are done. They can never slow down to a steady stroke again--especially -Six. So it simply has to be made at the right moment. The difficulty is -to know when." - -"Have you got a reliable cox?" - -"First-class." - -"Can't he tell you?" - -"Too much row going on," said Hughie. "The whole College will be on the -towpath to-night." - -The Reverend Montague D'Arcy plunged his hand into the tail-pocket of -his clerical frock-coat, and produced therefrom a large-pattern service -revolver. - -"Look here," he said. "You would be able to hear this lethal weapon on -the Day of Judgment itself. Will you consent to take your time from me?" - -"Rather! Thank you, sir." There was no doubting the sincerity of -Hughie's gratitude. - -"Well," continued the clergyman briskly, "I shall wait by the Railway -Bridge, on the Barnwell side, away from the towpath. If you have made -your bump before that you won't want me. Well and good. But I don't -think you _will_ have made it, and I don't advise you to try. For the -first half of the course those All Saints men will match you stroke for -stroke, and if you hustle your heavy man at Six he will probably lose -his head. As you pass under the Railway Bridge quicken slightly--not -more than two strokes a minute, though. I have six shots in this -revolver. When you hear two of them, that will mean that you are getting -within jumping distance and must be ready for the spurt. When you hear -the remaining four in quick succession you must simply swing out and put -the very last ounce of your blood and bones and bodies and souls into -it. And if you catch 'em," concluded the reverend gentleman, "by gad! -I'll dance the Cachuca on the bank!" - -By this time they had reached the spot where their -racing-shell--sixty-two feet of flimsy cedar wood--was lying waiting for -them. The rest of the crew, already assembled, were standing about in -the attitudes of profound dejection or forced hilarity which appear to -be the only alternatives of deportment open to men who are suffering -from what is expressively termed "the needle." Some were whistling, -others were yawning, and all were wondering why on earth men took up -rowing as a pastime. - -Hughie gathered his Argonauts into a knot, and at his request the -Reverend Montague D'Arcy outlined to them the plan of campaign. Then the -crew embarked, and the stout clergyman assisted the grizzled College -boatman--the only person present whose nerves appeared unaffected by the -prevailing tension--to push their craft clear of the bank, and set them -going on a half-minute dash as a preliminary to their long paddle down -the course to the starting point of the race. - -In accordance with a picturesque but peculiar custom they wore in their -straw hats bunches of marigolds and corn-flowers--the College -colours--as an intimation that they had achieved bumps during the -preceding nights; and so bedecked they paddled majestically down the -Long Reach, feeling extremely valorous and looking slightly ridiculous, -to challenge a comparison (in which they were hopelessly outclassed from -the start) with the headgear of the assembled fair in Ditton Paddock. - -The method of sending off a bumping race is the refinement of cruelty. - -As each boat reaches its starting-post the crews disembark and stand -dismally about, listening to the last exhortations of coaches or -nervously eyeing the crew behind them. Presently an objectionably loud -piece of artillery, situated half-way down the long line of boats, goes -off with a roar. This is called "first gun," and means chiefly that -there will be another in three minutes. The crew mournfully denude -themselves of a few more articles of their already scanty wardrobe, -which they pile upon the shoulders of the perspiring menial whose duty -it is to convey the same to the finishing-post, and crawl one by one -into their places in the boat. Finally, the coxswain coils himself into -his seat and takes both rudder-lines in his left hand, leaving the right -free to grasp the end of the boat's last link with _terra firma_, her -starting-chain. Then the second gun goes, and the crew shudder and know -that in sixty seconds precisely they must start. - -The ritual observed during the final minute is complicated in the -extreme, and varies directly with the nervous system of the coach, who -dances upon the bank with a stop-watch in his hand, to time the -ministrations of the College boatman, who stands by with a long -boat-hook ready to prod the vessel into midstream. - -"Fifteen seconds gone," says the coach. "Push her out, Ben." - -Ben complies, with a maddening but wise deliberation. If the boat is -pushed out too promptly the starting-chain will grow taut and tug the -stern of the boat inwards towards the bank, just when her nose should be -pointing straight upstream. But this elementary truth does not occur to -the frenzied octette in the boat. The gun will go, and bow-side will -find their oar-blades still resting on the towpath. They _know_ it. - -"Thirty seconds gone," says the coach. "Paddle on gently, Bow and Two." - -His object is to get the full advantage of the length of the chain, but -Bow and Two know better. They are convinced that he merely desires that -they shall be caught at a disadvantage when the gun fires. However, they -paddle on as requested, with a palsied stealthiness that suggests -musical chairs. - -"Fifteen seconds left," says the coach. "Are you straight, Cox? Ten more -sec--" - -Ah! As usual the chain has drawn tight, and the stern of the boat is -being dragged inwards again. - -"Paddle on, Two!" yells the coxswain. - -Two gives a couple of frenzied digs; the Dervish with the watch, -accompanied by a ragged and inaccurate chorus all down the bank, chants -"Five, four, three, two--"; there is a terrific roar from the gun; the -coxswain drops the chain; the boatman slips the point of his boat-hook -(which, between ourselves, has been doing the lion's share in keeping -the ship's head straight) from Five's rigger; and they are off. - -The Benedictine crew got under way very unostentatiously. Their coach -was actually rowing in the All Saints boat,--and it would be difficult -to select a more glowing testimonial to the sterling sportsmanship of -English rowing,--so the starting operations were wisely left to the -College boatman, who had performed the office for something like half a -century. The flight of time was recorded by Hughie himself, from the -watch which hung on his stretcher beside his right foot. The experienced -Mr. Dishart-Watson kept those too-often fatally intimate acquaintances, -the rudder-lines and starting-chain, tactfully apart, and the St. -Benedict's boat got off the mark with a start that brought her within a -length of All Saints during the first half-minute. - -After that their opponents drew away. As D'Arcy had said, they were a -seasoned crew, and nothing short of sheer superiority would wear them -down. The two boats swung round Grassy Corner and entered the Plough -Reach about their distance apart. All Saints were rowing the faster -stroke. - -Hughie, who was keeping to a steady thirty-two, felt with satisfaction -that the men behind him were well together. Number Seven, small but -plucky, was setting bow-side a beautiful example in steady swing and -smart finish. Six--Mr. Puffin--was rowing a great blade. To look at him -now, you would ask why he had not been included in the University Crew. -If you saw him trying to row forty to the minute, you would marvel that -he should be included in any crew at all. - -Five was not looking happy. He was lying back too far and tugging at the -finish. To him the boat seemed heavier than usual, for he was just -beginning to realise the difference between seconding the efforts of -Hughie Marrable and those of Mr. Duncombe. Still, he was plugging -gamely. Four, a painstaking person, was encouraging himself in a fashion -entirely his own. After every stroke, as he sat up and swung forward, he -gasped out some little _sotto voce_ remark to himself, such as, "Oh, -well _rowed_, Four!--Stick to it, Four!--Use your _legs_, old -man!--That's better!--That's a _beauty_!--Oh, well _rowed_, Four!" And -so on. Where he got the necessary breath for these exercises nobody -knew; but some folk possess these little peculiarities, and row none the -worse for them. Bow was another instance. He was a chirpy but eccentric -individual, and used to sing to himself some little ditty of the -moment--or possibly a hymn--all through a race, beginning with the first -stroke and ending exactly, if possible, with the last. He had been -known, when stroking a boat, to quicken up to a perfectly incredible -rate simply because he feared that the song would end before he -completed the course, a contingency which he regarded as unlucky in the -extreme. On the other hand, he would become quite depressed if he had to -stop in the middle of a verse, and he was quite capable of rowing -_rallentando_ if he desired to synchronise his two conclusions. - -But few people have the time or inclination for these diversions while -oscillating upon a sixteen-inch slide, and the rest of the crew were -swinging at and plugging in grim silence. - -The two boats swept into the roaring medley of Ditton Corner. They -flashed past the row of piles and tethered punts amid a hurricane of -shouts and waving handkerchiefs. Hughie, wrongfully exercising his -privilege as Stroke, allowed his eyes to slide to the right for a -moment. He had a fleeting glimpse of the crimson and excited countenance -of Miss Gaymer, as some man held her aloft in the crowd. Then the boat -gave a slight lurch, and Joey was swallowed up again. Hughie felt -guiltily responsible for the lurch, and recalling his gaze into the -proper channel--straight over the coxswain's right shoulder--swung out -again long and steadily. - -"Are we straight yet?" he gasped to Dishy. - -"Yes--just." - -"Tell 'em to reach out a bit." - -Mr. Watson complied, in tones that rose high above the tumult on the -bank and penetrated even into the harmonious soul of Bow, who was -grappling with a difficult cadenza at the moment. - -"Six good ones!" said Hughie, next time his face swung up towards the -coxswain's. - -"Now, you men, six good ones!" echoed Dishy. "_One! Two!_ Five, you're -late! _Three! Four! Five!_ Bow, get hold of it! _Six!_ Oh, well rowed!" - -There was a delighted roar from the bank. The Benedictine crew were -together again after the unsteadiness round Ditton. - -"How far?" signalled Hughie's lips. - -"Length--and--a--half," replied Cox. "Less," he added, peering ahead. - -They were half-way up the Long Reach now. In another minute or two they -would be at the Railway Bridge, beyond which hard-pressed boats are -popularly supposed to be safe. - -"Tell 'em--going--quicken," gurgled Hughie, "if can." - -Cox nodded, rather doubtfully, and Hughie ground his teeth. If only this -accursed noise on the bank would cease, even for five seconds, Dishy -would get a chance to make the crew hear. As it was, the ever-increasing -crowd, rolling up fresh adherents like a snowball, made that feat almost -an impossibility. - -But the coxswain was a man of experience and resource. Just as the boat -passed under the Railway Bridge itself there was a momentary silence, -for the crew were shut off from their supporters by some intervening -balks of timber. Dishy seized the opportunity. - -"Be ready to quicken," he yelled. "Now! Oh, well done!" - -The crew had heard him, and what was more, they had obeyed him. Stroke -in the All Saints boat suddenly realised that the oncoming foe had -quickened to thirty-five or six, and that the interval between the two -boats had shrunk to something under a length. He spurted in his turn, -and his men spurted with him, but their length of stroke grew -proportionately shorter, and the pace of the boat did not increase. St. -Benedict's were holding their advantage. - -"Half a length," said Dishy, in response to an agonised interrogation -from Hughie's right eyebrow. - -Suddenly above the tumult there rang out two reverberating -revolver-shots. A stout clergyman, whooping like a Choctaw, was tearing -along the right bank of the river, which was practically clear of -spectators, with his weapon smoking in his hand. Dishy's voice rose to a -scream. - -"Look out--be ready! _Only_ six feet!" - -And now the musical gentleman who was rowing bow felt the boat lift -unsteadily under him. A wave rolled across the canvas decking behind -him, and he felt a splash of water on his back. - -"Washing us off!" was his comment. "Glory, glory! Another verse'll do -it. Now then, all together,-- - - "_What though the spicy breezes - Blow soft, o'er Ceylon's--_" - -Bang! bang! bang! bang! - -The great service revolver rang out. The nose of the Benedictine boat, -half submerged in a boiling flood, suddenly sprang to within three feet -of the All Saints rudder. - -"_Now_, you men!" Mr. Dishart-Watson's wizened and saturnine countenance -shrank suddenly and alarmingly to a mere rim surrounding his mouth. -"Just _ten_ more! _One--two--_" - -Like St. Francis of Assisi, "Of all his body he made a tongue." He -counted the strokes in tones that overtopped all the roars of -encouragement and apprehension arising from the now hopelessly mixed-up -mob of Benedictine and All Saints men that raged alongside. Hughie -Marrable quickened and quickened, and his crew responded sturdily. -Faster and faster grew the stroke, and more and more pertinaciously did -the nose of the Benedictine boat plough its way through the turbid waves -emitted by the twitching rudder in front. Never had they travelled like -this. Six was rowing like a man possessed. Four had ceased to encourage -himself, and was plugging automatically with his chest open and his eyes -shut. Bow may or may not have been singing: he was certainly rowing. -There was a world of rolling and splashing, for the All Saints coxswain -was manipulating his rudder very skilfully, and ever and again the -aggressive nose of the Benedictine boat was sent staggering back by a -rolling buffeting wave. But there was no stopping the Benedictines. - -Suddenly Dishy gave vent to a final cataclysmic bellow. - -"You're overlapping!" - -They were almost at Charon's Grind. The coxswain's lank body stiffened -in its little seat, and Hughie saw him lean hard over and haul on to the -right-hand rudder-line. - -"Last three strokes! Now, you devils! _Plug! plug! -pl_--Aa--a--ee--ooh--ee--easy all! Oh, well rowed, well rowed, well -rowed!" - -There was a lurch and a bump. - -"Done it!--'_Bows down to wood and stone_,'" gasped Bow. - -The eight men let go their oars and tumbled forward on to their -stretchers, and listened, with their heads and hearts bursting, to the -din that raged on the bank. - -It was a fine confused moment. - -In the boat itself Cox was vainly endeavouring to shake hands with -Stroke, who lay doubled up over his oar, with his head right down on the -bottom of the boat, oblivious to everything save the blessed fact that -he need not row any more. Consciousness that he had taken his crew to -the Head of the River was yet to come. At the other end Bow, with his -head clasped between his knees, was croaking half-hysterically to -himself, "Two bars too soon, Hughie! Oh, my aunt, we've gone Head! Two -bars too soon!" - -On the towpath every one was shouting and shaking hands with -indiscriminate _bonhomie_,--this was one of those occasions upon which -even the ranks of Tuscany could scarce forbear to cheer,--and everybody, -with one exception, seemed to be ringing a bell or blowing a trumpet. -The exception was supplied by a trio of young gentlemen, two of whom -held an enormous Chinese gong suspended between them, while a third -smote the same unceasingly with a mallet, and cried aloud the name of -Marrable. It must be recorded here, to his honour, that the smiter bore -upon his forehead an enormous and highly coloured bruise, suggestive of -sudden contact with, say, a bedroom-door. - -On the opposite bank of the river, a stout, middle-aged, and apparently -demented Clerk in Holy Orders was dancing the Cachuca. - - - - - BOOK TWO - - _FORTITER IN RE_ - - - - - CHAPTER VI - - KNIGHT-ERRANTRY _À LA MODE_ - - -If all good Americans go to Paris when they die, it may safely be -predicted that all the bad ones will be booked through to Coney Island. - -So much may be inferred from the regularity and zeal with which the -Toughs, Hoboes, Bowery Boys, and other fearful wildfowl of the New York -proletariat, accompanied by the corresponding females of the species, -betake themselves every Sabbath by trolley-car or steamer to this haunt -of ancient peace (which, by the way, is not to all appearances an island -and harbours no conies). - -Take Margate and Douglas and Blackpool, and pile them into an untidy -heap; throw in a dozen Fun-Cities from Olympia and half a score of -World's Fairs from the Agricultural Hall; add some of the less reputable -features of Earl's Court and Neuilly Fair; include a race-course of the -baser sort; case the whole in wood, and people it with sallow gentlemen -in striped jerseys and ladies answering exclusively to such names as -Hattie, Sadie, and Mamie, reared up apparently upon an exclusive diet of -peanuts and clam-chowder; keep the whole multitude duly controlled and -disciplined by a police force which, if appearances go for anything, has -been recruited entirely from the criminal classes; and you will be able -faintly to realise what Coney Island can do when it tries on a fine -Sunday in summer. - -So thought Hughie Marrable. He had been wandering round the world for -nine years now; but not even a previous acquaintance with the Devil -Dancers of Ceylon, the unhallowed revels of Port Said, or the -refinements of a Central African Witch-Hunt (with full tom-tom -accompaniment), had quite prepared him for this. Still, it was part and -parcel of Life, and Life was what he had left England to see. - -He had arrived in New York from San Francisco two days ago. But -let it not be imagined that he had been conveyed thither by any -Grand-Trunk-Ocean-to-Ocean-Limited, or other refinement of an effete -modernity. His transcontinental journey had occupied just three years. -Since the day on which he steamed through the Golden Gate on a -tramp-freighter from Yokohama he had been working his way eastward by -easy stages, acquiring experience (as Jimmy Marrable had directed) of -the manner in which the other half of the world lives. Incidentally he -had mixed cocktails behind a Nevada bar; learned to fire a revolver -without taking it out of his pocket; accompanied a freight train over -the Rockies in the capacity of assistant brakeman--his duties being -chiefly confined to standing by with a coupling-pin, to discourage the -enterprise of those gentlemen of the road who proposed to travel -without tickets; and once, in a Southern State, he had been privileged -to be present at that ennobling spectacle to which the brightest -nation on earth occasionally treats the representatives of an older -civilisation--the lynching of a negro. - -In a few days Hughie would sail for England, on board the mighty Apulia. -It was not often that he travelled in such ostentatious luxury: the -primitive man in him leaned towards something damp and precarious on -board a sailing-ship or a collier; but he happened to know that the -Apulia intended going for the ocean record this trip; and since the -third engineer happened to be a friend of his, Hughie had decided that -four-and-a-half days and nights down among the humming turbines and the -spirits that controlled them would be cheap at the price of an -expensively upholstered state-room many decks above, in which he would -leave his baggage and occasionally sleep. - -For all that he had cast a regretful eye only that very morning on a -battered little tramp-steamer which was loading up with cargo alongside -a wharf at Hoboken--due to sail for Europe, so a stevedore told him, in -about two days' time. - -To-morrow he was to be taken yachting in New York harbour by an old P. -and O. acquaintance, whom he had faithfully "looked up," in accordance -with a two-year-old promise, at his city office that morning. In the -evening, at the invitation of an American actor to whom he had once been -of service in Calcutta, he was to dine at the Lambs' Club,--the New York -equivalent of the Garrick and Green Room, with a dash of the Eccentric -thrown in,--and the next day he was to pay a flying visit to Atlantic -City. - -Meanwhile he was putting in a few off-hours at Coney Island. He had -watched the islanders bathing, had witnessed a display of highly--not to -say epileptically--Animated Pictures, had spent half-an-hour in an open -_café-chantant_, where a bevy of tired-looking girls in short skirts -pranced about with mechanical abandon at the back of the small stage, -shouting the chorus of a ditty which a wheezy lady (who looked like the -mother of all chorus-girls) was singing at the front; and had declined a -pressing invitation from the keeper of an Anatomical Museum to step -inside and "have a dollar's worth for a dime." - -Finally he drifted into a small theatre, where a melodrama of distinctly -British flavour (seasoned to the Coney Island palate by a few distinctly -local interpolations) was unfolding itself to a closely packed and -hard-breathing audience. - -To judge from the state of the atmosphere the entertainment had been in -progress for some time. As Hughie took his seat the curtain rose on a -moonlit military scene. Figures wrapped in great-coats sat round a -camp-fire on the audience's right hand, the only plainly recognisable -character being the Heroine, who, attired as a hospital nurse and -positively starred with red crosses, was sewing aloofly upon an erection -which looked like a sarcophagus, but was marked in plain figures -"Ambulence." A sentry, who from his gait Hughie took (rightly) to be the -Comic Man, was pacing up and down at the back. - -Presently the guard was changed, with much saluting of a pattern unknown -at any War Office, and the Comic Man, released from duty, was called -upon to sing "that dear ole song you useter sing at 'ome." The cold -light of the moon having been temporarily replaced by broad daylight in -order to give the singer's facial expression full play, he obliged; -though why any one who had heard him sing the song before should have -asked him to sing it again passed Hughie's comprehension. Next a -drummer-boy (female) was called upon by the company, and after a great -exhibition of reluctance,--fully justified by her subsequent -performance,--gave vent to a patriotic ditty, in which the only -distinguishable rhymes were "Black Watch" and "Scotch." - -These revels brought the Hero on to the stage. He was attired in -clerical dress and a cavalry helmet; and, sitting down beside the -Heroine upon the sarcophagus, he proceeded, oblivious of the presence of -the entire guard, who were huddled round the fire not more than five -feet away, to make her a proposal of marriage; quoting Scripture to some -purpose, and extorting a demure affirmative from the lady just before -the Comic Man, who had obviously been lamenting that the success of the -piece should be imperilled by such stuff as this, upset the soup-kettle, -and so gave a fresh turn to the proceedings. - -All this time Hughie had been conscious of an increasing feeling of -curiosity as to the identity of the only member of the glee-party round -the fire who so far had made no contribution to the entertainment. He -darkly suspected him of being the Villain, though what the Villain -should be doing unrecognised at such a period of the play--it was about -the third act--was hard to understand. However, the mystery was now -cleared up by a French _vivandière_--by this time it was plain that the -scene was laid in the Crimea--who called upon the mysterious one, in the -accents of Stratford-atte-Bowe, for a song and dance. No reply being -forthcoming, the entire company (precipitately, but quite correctly, as -it happened) rose up and denounced the stranger as a Russian and a spy. -They had only themselves to blame for his presence, for apparently he -had strolled up and joined the party quite promiscuously; and no one had -thought, so far, of asking him who he was or even of addressing him. - -The audience now sat up expectantly. But instead of taking the -spy prisoner and shooting him on sight, the guard hurried off -R.U.E.--possibly to bring up their big guns or find a policeman. These -deplorable tactics did not meet with the reward they deserved, for the -Villain, instead of bolting off L. as fast as he could, lingered upon -the stage to tell the audience that he had come back to have one more go -at the Hero. (Goodness knows how many he had had!) The Hero obligingly -appeared at that moment, and a section (whose numbers appeared to -increase as the play proceeded) of the audience shouted to the Villain -to cut in and do it _now_. But portentous trampings "off" announced the -return of the glee-party, and the Villain, finding that he could not -execute his perfectly justifiable design without considerable danger to -his own person, and was in fact in a particularly tight place himself, -suddenly appealed (with considerable "nerve," it seemed to Hughie) to -the Hero, as a Cleric, to save him. The Hero (who was evidently a fool -as well as a bore) immediately complied. "You must take upon you my -identity," he remarked. In a twinkling they had exchanged great-coats, -and the Villain was now by all the laws of Melodrama completely -disguised as the Hero. He dashed off L., just as a perfect avalanche of -people, who had been faithfully and increasingly marking time in the -wings, poured on to the stage R., and endeavoured almost to poke their -rifles into the Hero's breast. But just as a nervous female in the -audience, apprehensive about the sudden discharge of firearms, -convulsively gripped Hughie's left elbow, the Heroine dashed on from -nowhere, and taking her stand before the Hero--apparently she was the -only person upon the stage who recognised him--uttered these thrilling -but mysterious words: "You kennot far erpon ther Red Kerawss!" - -Curtain, amid thunders of applause. - -After a commendably short interval the curtain rose upon the next act. -The Hero was now discovered asleep (under what must have struck any -thoughtful member of the audience as highly compromising circumstances -for a clergyman) in the cottage of a stout lady in a very short skirt -and fur-topped boots; whom, from the fact that her opening soliloquy -commenced with the words, "Har, vell!" the audience rightly adjudged to -be a Russian. This lady, it was soon plain, was consumed by a secret -passion for the Hero. In fact she proclaimed it in such strident tones -that it was surprising that its object did not wake up. - -This scene soon resolved itself into a series of determined efforts on -the part of the Villain to terminate the existence of the Hero--an -enterprise in which he by this time commanded the whole-hearted support -of the greater part of the audience. His first attempt was foiled by the -Comic Man, who entered singing "Keep the baby warm, Mother!" just as he -had crawled within striking distance of the unwakeable Hero. Muttering -curses, the unfortunate man announced his intention of retiring "to the -woods," pending another opportunity. But he had no luck. Just as the -Comic Man performed a humorous exit through the window, the stout -lady--most of the other characters, by the way, addressed her as -"Tinker": possibly her name was Katinka--came in through the door, -filled with the forebodings of what she called "loove." Her subsequent -course of action could certainly only have been condoned on the plea of -emotional insanity. She unceremoniously bundled the Hero out of -bed--fortunately he had gone there in his boots--and sent him off on a -transparent wild-goose chase to the "trenches." Then she got into bed -herself, and when the Villain came crawling back from "the woods," -brandishing his knife in the limelight, the audience were treated to a -sort of up-to-date rendering of "Little Red Riding Hood," the part of -the Wolf being sustained by Katinka, and that of Red Riding Hood by the -now hopelessly demoralised Villain, who was once more chased back to his -arboreal lurking-place with the muzzle of a revolver in the small of his -back. - -In the next and final act the Villain made a supreme effort. He began by -slaying the drummer-boy,--presumably to keep his hand in,--but on going -through his victim's pockets in search of certain "despatches" which -that youthful hero had undertaken to carry through the Russian -lines,--where to, heaven knows!--the unfortunate man discovered a -locket, which instantly revealed to him the surprising, but none the -less distressing, intelligence that he had slain his own son. His -anguish was pitiful to behold, and when the Hero came on and began to -rub it in by further excerpts from the Scriptures, the audience to a man -decided that if the Villain brought it off this time no jury would -convict, but that he would be bound over at the most. He certainly set -about the business with more gumption than usual. Waiting until the Hero -was well launched into "Secondly," with the limelight full in his eyes, -he once more produced the glittering knife. Suddenly the ubiquitous -Katinka dashed on, and in the most unsportsmanlike manner shot the -Villain in the small of the back, at a range of about eighteen inches. -He dropped dead across the body of his son (which must have hurt that -infant prodigy very much). All the other characters sidled on from the -wings and formed a grand concluding tableau, the Hero, egregious to the -last and entwined in a stained-glass attitude with the Hospital Nurse, -pronouncing a sort of benediction as the curtain fell. - -"Doesn't this remind you of the Drama as it used to be dished up to the -undergraduates in the old Barn at Cambridge?" remarked a voice. - -Hughie turned to the speaker. He found beside him a man of about thirty, -with a fair moustache, which half hid a weak but amiable mouth and a -receding chin. He was dressed in the thick blue shore-going garments of -the seaman, but he looked too slight for an A.B. and too clean for a -fireman. - -"Deck-hand," said Hughie to himself. "Gentleman once--no, still!" - -"Hallo!" he replied. "You seem to know me. Forgive me if I ought to know -you, but I can't fix you at present. Odd thing, too, because I don't -often forget a face." - -"I was up at Cambridge in your time," said the man. - -"Not Benedict's?" - -"No--Trinity. I was sent down ultimately. But I knew you well by sight. -Often saw you in the boat, and so on. You're Marrable, aren't you?" - -"Yes. Were you a rowing man?" - -"No. I hunted with the Drag and rode at Cottenham--in those days." He -glanced philosophically at his present attire. - -"Come and have something," said Hughie. - -The man interested him. He might, of course, be a mere long-shore shark -on the make, or he might be what he looked--a good-hearted, well-born -waster--an incorrigible but contented failure. Anyhow, five minutes over -a friendly glass would probably settle the question. - -"I wonder if it's possible to obtain a decent British drink in this -clam-ridden hole," Hughie continued. - -"The nearest thing to a product of the British Empire that you'll get -here," said the man, "is Canadian whisky; and personally I would rather -drink nitric acid. We had better stick to lager. Come along: I know the -ropes." - -Presently they found themselves in a German beer saloon, where a -stertorous Teuton supplied their needs. - -"By the way," said the man, "I have the advantage of you. My name is -Allerton. Sorry I forgot!" - -"Thanks," said Hughie, rather lamely. "Are you--living out here just -now?" - -"No," said Allerton simply. "I'm a deck-hand on a tramp-steamer." He -spoke easily and freely, as one gentleman to another. He had realised at -a glance that he was not about to be made the victim of offensive -curiosity or misplaced charity. "She's lying at Hoboken, due out on -Tuesday, for Bordeaux." - -"French boat?" - -"No. American owned, under the British flag, by a fairly competent -rascal, too. This trip we are carrying a cargo of Californian wine of -sorts. We took it last week from a sailing barque that had brought it -round the Horn. She wanted to start back at once, so turned it over to -us cheap." - -"And you're going to Bordeaux? What does your astute owner want to take -coals to Newcastle for?" - -"Because everything that comes _out_ of Newcastle is labelled coal -whether it is coal or not. In other words, this poison will be carried -by us to Bordeaux, bottled and sealed, and shipped to England as fine -vintage Burgundy. John Bull will drink it and feel none the worse. I'm -told it's a paying trade." - -"I wish I were going in your boat," said Hughie, rather regretfully. -"I'm booked by the Apulia." - -"Well, look out for the Orinoco on your second day out." - -"The Orinoco? I remember seeing her at Hoboken to-day, and wishing I -could make the trip on her." - -"I doubt if you'd be of the same opinion after trying conclusions with -Mr. James Gates, our first 'greaser,'" replied Allerton. "Still, I don't -know," he continued, regarding Hughie's brawny form reflectively. "I -don't believe he could put the fear of death into you the way he does -into most of us. You've knocked about a bit in your time, I dare say, -only with more success than I. Perhaps you weren't born with holes in -_all_ your pockets." - -"I say," said Hughie rather diffidently,--it is difficult to confer a -favour upon a man who is down without offending him,--"will you dine -with me? Or sup, as it's getting late?" - -"I shall be charmed," said the deck-hand. "Shall I show you a place? I -know quite a comfortable establishment close by here." - -Hughie said "Righto!" and presently they found themselves in the place -of entertainment selected by Allerton. Most of the room was occupied by -small tables, at which various couples were eating and drinking. At one -end was a platform, upon which an intermittent sort of variety -entertainment was in progress. - -On the floor at the foot of the platform was a piano. At the piano sat a -girl, who accompanied the performers and bridged over the gaps in the -programme by selections from the less restrained works of American -Masters of Music. Not far from the stage an unhealthy-looking youth was -presiding over a bar. The atmosphere was something between that of a -smoking-concert, and Baker Street Station in the days of the old -Underground. - -Allerton's lazy nonchalance lasted until the first course was set before -him by a smiling blackamoor, and then, with a half-apologetic aside to -his host on the subject of his last meal, he fell upon the fare in a -manner which brought very vividly home to Hughie's intelligence the -difference between an amateur casual like himself, with money enough in -his pocket to make it possible to knock off when he tired of the game, -and the genuine article. He was not hungry, having in fact dined a -couple of hours before; but he did his best by tactful pecking to -conceal the fact from his guest. Still, even after he had ordered some -wine and duly inspected the cork, he had a good deal of time to look -about him. - -Presently his attention began to concentrate itself upon the girl at the -piano. She was sitting quite near him, and Hughie, always respectfully -appreciative where a pretty face was concerned,--his wanderings, though -they had made him more than ever a master of men, had done little to -eradicate his innate attitude of quiet, determined, and occasionally -quite undeserved reverence towards women,--had time to notice the -un-American freshness of her colouring, the regularity of her profile, -and the prettiness of her hair. He also observed that the foot which -rested upon the pedal of the piano was small and shapely. She was -quietly dressed, in a dark-blue serge skirt and a white silk blouse--or -"shirtwaist," to employ the mysterious local designation--with short -sleeves. She had round arms and good hands. - -Hughie wondered what she was doing in a place like this, and, -young-man-like, felt vaguely unhappy on her behalf; but experienced a -truly British feeling of relief (mingled with slight disappointment) on -observing that she wore a wedding-ring. He waxed sentimental. Who was -her husband? he wondered. He hoped it was not the proprietor of the -establishment,--a greasy individual of Semitic appearance, who -occasionally found leisure, in the intervals between announcing the -"turns" and calling the attention of patrons to the exceptional -resources of the bar, to walk across the room and paw the girl -affectionately on the shoulder while giving her some direction as to the -music,--nor yet the scorbutic young man behind the bar. - -His meditations were interrupted by Allerton. - -"Marrable, eyes front! And fill up your glass. Hang it, drink fair!" - -Hughie turned and regarded his guest. The greater part of a magnum of -vitriolic champagne had disappeared down that gentleman's throat. His -eye had brightened, and now twinkled facetiously as he surveyed first -Hughie and then the girl at the piano. - -"_Une petite pièce de tout droit_--eh, what?" he remarked. - -Hughie, beginning to understand why his companion was now swabbing decks -instead of ruling ancestral acres, nodded shortly. - -Allerton noticed his host's momentary distance of manner, and leaned -across the table with an air of contrition. - -"I'm afraid," he said apologetically, "that I'm getting most infernally -full. You see how it is with me, don't you? I'm that sort of bloke. -Always have been, from a nipper. Thash--That's why I'm here. It's a -pity. And the worst of it is," he added, in a sudden burst of candour, -"that I'm going to get much fuller. It's a long time since I tasted -this." He touched his glass. "It isn't served out on the Orinoco. Do -you--er--mind?" - -Hughie, with a queer feeling of compassion, smiled reassuringly, and -ordered another bottle. If Allerton was about to get drunk, he should -get drunk like a gentleman for once in a way. - -Then his attention reverted to the piano. - -There had been a development. The girl was mechanically playing one of -the compositions of that delicate weaver of subtle harmonies, Mr. John -Philip Sousa; but she was not reading her music. Her eyelids were -resolutely lowered, as if she wished to avoid seeing something. The -reason resolved itself into a gentleman who was leaning over the front -of the piano, gazing amorously down upon the musician, and endeavouring, -with surprising success, to make himself heard above one of the -composer's most characteristic efforts. - -Hughie looked him up and down. He was a big man, powerfully built, -with little pig's eyes set close together, and a ponderous and -vicious-looking lower jaw. Was _he_ her husband? wondered the deeply -interested Hughie. No: he was too obviously endeavouring to make himself -agreeable. - -"Marrable, my son," suddenly interpolated the convivial but observant -Allerton, "you're cut out! No use bidding against that customer. Do you -know who he is?" - -"No. Who?" - -"That," replied the deck-hand with an air of almost proprietary pride, -"is Noddy Kinahan." - -"Oh! And who may he be?" - -"Gee! (Sorry! One picks up these rotten Yankee expressions somehow.) I -mean, I am surprised you haven't heard of him. He's rather a big man -here. In fact, to be explish--explicit,"--Mr. Allerton was fast arriving -at that stage of intoxication which cannot let well alone, but must -tempt Providence by dragging in unnecessarily hard words,--"he is my -employer." - -"Anything else." - -"Political boss of sorts. _Inter alia_--that's good! I'm glad I -remembered that. _Inter alia_ rhymes with Australia, doesn't it? We'll -make up a Limerick on it some time--let me see, where was I? Oh, -yesh--yes, I mean--_inter alia_, he owns the Orinoco and about a dozen -more mouldy old coffins; and very well he does out of them, too! Buys -them cheap, and--but excuse further details at present, ole man. To tell -you the truth I'm getting so screwed that I'm afraid of saying something -that in my calmer moments I shall subsequently regret. A cigar? I thank -you. You're a white man, Marrable. Chin chin!" - -After this burst of discretion Mr. Allerton returned to the joint -worship of Bacchus and Vesta, the difficulty which he experienced in -keeping the lighted end of the cigar out of his mouth increasing as the -evening advanced, but leaving his cheerfulness unimpaired. His condition -was due not so much to the depths of his potations as to the shallowness -of his accommodation for the same; and strong-headed Hughie, as he -surveyed the weak chin and receding forehead on the other side of the -table, mused not altogether without envy upon the strange inequality of -that law of nature which decrees that what is a toothful for one man -shall be a skinful for another and an anæsthetic for a third. - -He was recalled from these musings by the remembrance of the girl at the -piano, and turned to see what was happening now. - -Mr. Noddy Kinahan was returning from an expedition to the bar, carrying -a bottle of champagne and a long tumbler. These accessories to -conviviality he placed on the top of the piano, and departed on a second -trip, returning shortly with a wine-glassful of brandy. The girl, though -she probably observed more of his movements than her low-drooping lashes -would seem to allow, made no sign, but continued to play the ragtime -tune with a mechanical precision which caused the tumbler on the top of -the piano to tread a lively and self-accompanied measure round its more -stolid and heavily weighted companion. - -Mr. Kinahan next proceeded to pour himself out a tumblerful of -champagne, liberally lacing the foaming liquid with brandy. Then, with -an ingratiating gesture toward the shrinking girl, he proceeded to -swallow the mixture with every appearance of enjoyment. - -"King's peg!" commented Hughie to himself. "Wonder how much of _that_ he -can stand? I'd back him against friend Allerton, though, if it -came--Hallo! The hound! This must stop!" - -He half rose to his feet. Mr. Kinahan, having satisfied his present -needs, had refilled the tumbler with champagne, added the rest of the -brandy, and was now proffering the potion, in the self-same vessel which -he had just honoured with his own august lips, to the girl at the piano. - -The girl turned crimson and shook her head, but kept on playing. - -Noddy Kinahan was not accustomed to bestow favours in vain. He walked -round behind the piano, and, taking the girl firmly by the shoulders -with his left arm, held the sizzling tumbler to her lips. She uttered a -strangled cry, left off playing, and struggled frantically to seize the -glass with her hands. - -Now Hughie Marrable had a healthy prejudice in favour of minding his own -business. He had witnessed scenes of this description before, and he -knew that, place and company considered, the girl at the piano was -probably not unaccustomed to accept refreshment at the hands of -gentlemen, even when the gentleman was half-drunk, the hands dirty, and -the refreshment (after allowing a generous discount for spillings) -sufficiently potent to deprive any ordinary woman, within ten minutes, -of any sort of control over her own actions or behaviour. Moreover, -Hughie had a truly British horror of a scene. _But_-- - -He was surprised to feel himself leap from his chair and bound toward -the piano. His surprise, however, was nothing to that experienced a -moment later by Mr. Noddy Kinahan, who, having succeeded in pinning the -desperately resisting girl's arms to her sides, was now endeavouring to -prise her lips open with the edge of the tumbler. But there are slips -even after the cup has reached the lip. Just as success appeared to be -about to crown Mr. Kinahan's hospitable efforts, a large and sinewy hand -shot over his right shoulder and snatched away the glass, which it threw -under the piano. Simultaneously an unseen force in the rear shook him -till his teeth rattled, and then, depressing his head to the level of -the keyboard, began to play a lively if staccato tune thereon with the -point of Mr. Kinahan's rubicund and fleshy nose. - -These operations were more or less screened from the public view by the -body of the piano, which was an "upright" of the cottage variety. But -the sudden cessation of "The Washington Post" in favour of what sounded -like "The Cat's Polka" played by a baby with its feet, brought the -proprietor of the establishment hurrying across the room. He arrived -just in time to be present at the conclusion of a florid chromatic scale -of about four octaves, executed under the guidance of Hughie Marrable's -heavy hand by Mr. Kinahan's somewhat abraded nasal organ. - -The instrumental part of the entertainment now terminated in favour of a -vocal interlude. Hughie released his grip of Mr. Noddy Kinahan's collar, -and stood back a pace waiting for a rush. He was confident that, given a -clear floor and no interference, he could offer his burly opponent a -lesson in manners which he would never forget. - -But Mr. Kinahan, being a mover in high political altitudes, was not in -the habit of doing his own dirty work. He reviled his opponent, it is -true, in terms which an expert could not but have admitted were -masterly, but it was obvious to the unruffled Hughie that he was doing -so chiefly to keep his courage up and "save his face." There was a -cunning, calculating look in his piggy eyes which did not quite fit in -with the unrestrained _abandon_ of his utterances, and Hughie began to -realise that there are deeper schemes of retaliation than mere assault -and battery. - -Once or twice Mr. Kinahan, in pausing for breath, turned and looked over -his shoulder toward the curious crowd which was gathering behind -him. Presently Hughie noticed a couple of "toughs" of the most -uncompromisingly villainous appearance advancing in a leisurely fashion -from a corner by the door, where they had been supping. They kept their -eyes on Kinahan, as if for an order. Evidently that great man never took -his walks abroad without his jackals. - -Things were beginning to look serious. The Hebraic proprietor, half -crazy with fright at the gratuitous advertisement which the fracas was -conferring upon his establishment,--an advertisement which was receiving -a gratifying response from an influx of curious sightseers,--was -frantically begging people to go away. The girl, the source (as ever!) -of all the trouble, was still sitting on the music-stool, trembling like -a fluttered bird, with Hughie, feeling slightly self-conscious, standing -over her. In the middle distance, Mr. Allerton, gloriously oblivious to -the ephemeral and irrelevant disturbance around him, sat contentedly -before two empty bottles, endeavouring with erratic fingers to adorn the -lapel of his blue pea-jacket with a silver-plated fork (the property of -the establishment), upon which he had impaled a nodding banana of -pantomimic proportions. - -Suddenly Hughie heard himself addressed in casual tones by some one -standing close behind him. - -"Say, Johnny Bull, you'd best get out of here, right now. Skip! Those -two toughs of Noddy's won't touch you till they get the word, but when -they do you'll be sorry. Get out this way, by the side of the stage. It -leads around to the back door." - -Having delivered himself of this undoubtedly sound piece of advice, the -unhealthy-looking young gentleman from behind the bar picked up the -champagne bottle and broken glass, and lounged back to his base of -operations. - -Hughie, realising the wisdom of his words, and making a hasty note that -one should never judge even a mottle-faced bar-tender by his appearance, -reluctantly abandoned his half-projected scheme of hurling Noddy Kinahan -into the arms of his two sinister supporters and then knocking their -collective heads together, and turned to the small door behind him. -Suddenly he caught sight of the piano-girl. He paused and surveyed her -thoughtfully. - -"You'd better come with me," he said. - -Without a word, the girl rose and preceded him to the door. Hughie -opened it for her, and they both passed through and hurried down a -narrow passage, which gave direct into the alley at the back of the -establishment. - -Once outside, Hughie took the girl's arm and fairly ran, never pausing -till they reached the brightly lighted sea-front. He had an idea that a -cheerful and crowded thoroughfare would prove more salubrious than -deserted and ill-lit byways. - -Once clear of their late surroundings the two slackened pace, and Hughie -surveyed his charge with comical perplexity. - -"Now what am I to do with _you_?" he inquired. - -"Take me home," said the girl, sobbing. - -Her pluck and fortitude, having brought her dry-eyed through the worst -of the conflict, had now taken their usual leave of absence, and she was -indulging very properly in a few reactionary and comforting tears. - -"Where do you live?" asked Hughie. - -"Brooklyn." - -"That's a matter for a trolley-car. Come along." - -He took her arm again, rather diffidently this time,--his old masculine -self-consciousness was returning,--and hurried off to what the Coney -Islanders call a "deepo." Here they ensconced themselves in the corner -of a fairly empty car, and started on their twenty-mile run, _viâ_ -Sheepshead Bay and other delectable spots, to Brooklyn Bridge. - -As soon as the car started, Hughie turned to his companion. - -"Look here," he said bluntly. "I know a lady when I meet one. What were -you doing in that place at all? You are English, too." - -"Yes. I can't blame you for wondering. I'll tell you. I come from -London. My father was a small schoolmaster in Sydenham. He--he was -unfortunate, and died three years ago, and I was left alone in the -world, with hardly two sixpences to rub together. Just as things were -looking none too promising for me, I met and married"--she flushed -proudly--"one of the best men that ever stepped--Dennis Maclear. He is -an electrical engineer. We came out here together to make our fortunes, -and settled in New York. We were beginning to do fairly well after a -long struggle, when one day Dennis crushed his left arm and leg in a -cog-wheel arrangement of some kind, and for three months he has not been -able even to get out of bed without help. Bad luck, wasn't it? He is -getting better slowly, and some day, the doctor says, he will be able to -get about again. But--well, savings don't last for ever, you know; so -I--" - -"I see," said Hughie; "the upkeep of the establishment has devolved on -you in the meanwhile?" - -"Yes. Piano-playing is about the only accomplishment I possess. A girl -friend of mine told me she was giving up her billet at old Bercotti's, -and asked if I would like it. She wouldn't recommend it to most girls, -she said, but perhaps it would suit me all right, being married. I took -it; but as you saw, my being married wasn't sufficient protection after -all." - -She shuddered, for she was very young, and badly shaken; but presently -she smiled bravely. - -"What did you get?" asked Hughie. - -"Dollar a night." - -"It's not much." - -"It's better than starvation," said practical little Mrs. Maclear. - -"And what are you going to do next?" - -"I'm not going back to old Bercotti's again--that's flat." - -"Can you get another berth?" - -"Well, if there happens to be anybody in this simple and confiding -country who is willing to take on as accompanist or teacher a young -woman of shabby-genteel appearance, who is unable to mention a single -soul as a reference, and has no character to show from her former -employer--it ought to be easy!" said the girl. - -Hughie regarded her reflectively. - -"You take it well. I admire your pluck," he said. - -"A married woman with a husband to keep has no time to worry about -pluck," replied Mrs. Maclear; "she just _has_ to do things. Besides, all -the pluck in the world can't save a woman when Noddy Kinahan is about. -If it hadn't been for you--by the way, would you mind telling me your -name? You know mine." - -Hughie told her. Presently they left the trolley-car--_anglicè_, -electric-tram--and struck off down a street in Brooklyn. The girl turned -in at a doorway, and paused at the foot of a stair. - -"Won't you come up and see my husband, Mr. Marrable?" she said. "It's -ten flights up, and we don't run to an elevator; but I know Dennis would -like to thank you himself." - -Hughie had intended to refuse,--he hated being thanked as much as most -matter-of-fact people,--but, a flash of unusual insight revealing to him -the fact that the true object of the invitation was not to exhibit him -to the husband, but to enable this proud little lady to exhibit her -husband to him, he felt reassured, and allowed himself to be borne aloft -to the Maclear eyrie. Here a gigantic and impulsive son of Kerry, gaunt -and hollow-eyed through long bed-keeping, wrung his hand in a manner -which made him feel glad he was not a refractory terminal, what time -Mrs. Maclear, in a sort of up-to-date version of the song of Miriam, -described Hughie's glorious triumph over Noddy Kinahan, laying special -stress upon the ecstatic period during which Mr. Kinahan, at the -instance of Hughie, had enacted the part of a human pianola. - -He left them at last, wondering in his heart, as he tramped home under -the stars to his hotel in West Forty-Second Street, what the plucky -couple were going to live on during the next two or three months. The -man was still practically a cripple,--he must have been badly -mangled,--and it is hard work fighting for time in a country whose -motto, as regards human as well as other machinery, is: "Never repair! -Scrap, and replace!" - -Hughie had solved the problem to his satisfaction by the time he crossed -Brooklyn Bridge. - -For the rest of the way home he thought of other things. A bachelor, -however ungregarious, is at heart a sentimental animal, and during his -walk Hughie was contemplating with his mind's eye the picture that he -had left behind him as he said good-night,--the picture of "a snug -little kingdom up ten pair of stairs," tenanted by a little community of -two, self-contained and self-sufficient, dauntless in the face of grim -want and utter friendlessness,--and, despite his own health and wealth, -he experienced a sudden feeling of envy for the crippled and impecunious -Dennis Maclear. - -"I suppose," he mused to himself, "it doesn't really matter _how_ rotten -a time you have in this world so long as you have it in the right -company." Then he added, apparently as a sort of corollary: "By gad, -when I get home next week, I'll _stay_ there!" - -But, however carefully (or carelessly) we handle the tiller on life's -voyage, it is the little casual currents and unexpected side winds that -really set our course for us. As Hughie rolled into bed that night he -reflected, rather regretfully, that the incident of that evening was -closed for ever. He had definitely cut himself off from the Maclears, at -any rate, for the very simple reason that he had just posted to them a -hundred one-dollar notes, as a temporary loan until their "ship came -in," carefully omitting to mention that his own was due to go out in -twenty-four hours, and giving no address for purposes of repayment. - -But for all that, the incident had definitely altered his course for -him, or at any rate was destined to send him round by an alternative -route. - - - - - CHAPTER VII - - THE ALTERNATIVE ROUTE - - -Her most ardent admirers--and they had never been very numerous--could -hardly have described the Orinoco as a rapid or up-to-date vessel. She -could average a fair eight knots in ordinary weather (except when the -Chief Engineer was not sober; and then she had been known to do as much -as eleven), and she had faced with tolerable credit seven strenuous -years of North Atlantic weather, winter and summer alike. But she was no -flier. - -She had not always ploughed the ocean at the behests of Mr. Noddy -Kinahan, her present owner. As a matter of fact, she dated back to the -early sixties. She had been built on the Clyde, in days when people were -not in such a hurry as they are now, for steady and reliable -cross-channel service between Scotland and Ireland; and the crinolined -young lady who had blushingly performed the christening ceremony as the -brand-new steamer slipped down the ways had named her the Gareloch. - -After fifteen years of honest buffeting between the Kish and the Cloch -the little Gareloch had been pronounced too slow, and sold to the -proprietor of a line of coasting steamers which plied between Cardiff -and London. In this capacity, with a different-coloured funnel and a -slightly decayed interior, she had served for nine years as the Annie S. -Holmes. After that an officious gentleman from the Board of Trade -happened to notice the state of her boilers, and unhesitatingly declined -to renew her certificate until various things were done which her -present owner was not in the habit of doing. Consequently she had -lain rusting in Southampton Water for six months, until an astute Scot, -who ran a sort of Dr. Barnardo's home for steamers which had been -abandoned by their original owners, stepped in and bought her, at the -rate of about a pound per ton; and having refitted her with some -convenient boilers which he had picked up at a sale, and checked her -fuel-consumption by reducing her grate-area, set her going again in a -humble but remunerative way as a pig-boat between Limerick and Glasgow. -During this period of her career she was known as the Blush Rose--and -probably smelt as sweet. - -The maritime Dr. Barnardo sold her three years later (at a profit) to a -gentleman who required a ship for some shady and mysterious operations -amid certain islands in the Southern Pacific. The nature of the poor -Blush Rose's occupation may be gathered from the fact that in the space -of three months she made those already tropical regions too hot to hold -her; and, with her name painted out, a repaired shot-hole in her -counter, and a few pearl oyster-shells sticking out here and there in -the murky recesses of her hold, was knocked down for a song at Buenos -Ayres to a Spanish-American who desired her for the fulfilment of some -rather private contracts, into which he had entered with a Central -American State, for a consignment of small arms and ammunition delivered -immediately--terms, C. O. D. and no questions asked. Her captain on this -occasion was a Lowland Scot of disreputable character but inherent -piety, who endeavoured to confer a rather spurious sanctity upon a -nefarious enterprise by christening his nameless vessel the Jedburgh -Abbey. But, alas! the Jedburgh Abbey was confiscated a year later by the -United States government, and having disgorged a most uncanonical cargo, -was knocked down by Dutch auction, without benefit of clergy, to the -highest bidder. Competition for her possession was not keen, and she -ultimately became the property of Mr. Noddy Kinahan, who at that -time was beginning to pile up a considerable fortune by purchasing -old steamers on their way to the scrap-heap and running them as -tramp-freighters until they sank. The Jedburgh Abbey, with a new -propeller,--she had gone short of a blade for years,--her rusty carcase -tinkered into something like sea-worthiness, and her engines secured a -little more firmly to their bed-plates, had re-established her social -status by creeping once more into Lloyd's list--the Red Book of the -Mercantile Marine--and, disguised as the Orinoco, of the "River" Line of -freight-carrying steamships, had served Mr. Noddy Kinahan well for seven -years. This grey morning, with Sandy Hook well down below the western -horizon, she clambered wearily but perseveringly over the Atlantic -rollers, like a disillusioned and world-weary old cab-horse which, -having begun life between the shafts of a gentleman's brougham, is now -concluding a depressing existence by dragging a funereal "growler" up -and down the undulations of a London suburb. - -Her redeeming feature was a certain purity of outline and symmetry of -form. She boasted a flush deck, unbroken by any unsightly waist -amid-ships; and not even her unscraped masts, her scarred sides, and her -flaked and salt-whitened funnel could altogether take away from her her -pride of race,--the right to boast, in common with many a human derelict -of the same sex and a very similar history, that she had "been a lady -once." - -She had now been at sea for well over twenty-four hours, and her crew, -who had to a man been brought on board in what a sympathetic eyewitness -on a similar occasion once described as "a state of beastly but enviable -intoxication," were once more beginning to sit up and take notice. Their -efforts in this direction owed much to the kind assistance of Messrs. -Gates and Dingle, the first and second mates, who with cold douche and -unrelenting boot were sparing no pains to rouse to a sense of duty those -of their flock who had not yet found or recovered their sea-legs. - -The crew consisted of two Englishmen and a Californian, together with a -handful of Scandinavians, Portuguese, and Germans, divided by sea-law -(which, like its big brother, _non curat de minimis_) into "Dagoes" and -"Dutchmen" respectively, representatives of the Romance races being -grouped under the former and of the Anglo-Saxon under the latter -designations. With one exception none of them had sailed on the ship -before, and in all probability would never do so again. They had been -purveyed to Captain Kingdom by a Tenderloin boarding-house keeper, and -had signed a contract for the voyage to Bordeaux and back, wages for -both trips to be paid at the end of the second. If sufficiently knocked -about, they would in all probability desert at Bordeaux, preferring to -forego their pay rather than stand a second dose of the home comforts of -the Orinoco. This was one of the ways in which Captain Kingdom saved his -employer money and in which Mr. Noddy Kinahan made the "River" Line a -profitable concern. There were also others, which shall be set forth in -due course. - -Captain Kingdom had just appeared on the bridge. He was a furtive and -sinister-looking individual, resembling rather a pawnbroker's assistant -than one who occupied his business in great waters. But he was a useful -servant to Noddy Kinahan. - -"Got all the hands to work, Mr. Gates?" he called down to the mate. - -"Aye, aye, sir!" replied Mr. Gates, knocking the heel of his boot on the -deck to ease his aching toes. - -The captain ran his eye over the crew, who were huddling together -forward of the bridge. He cleared his throat. - -"Now, you scum," he began genially, "attend to me, while I tell you what -you've got to do on board this ship." - -The scum, stagnant and unresponsive, listened stolidly to his harangue, -the substance of which did not differ materially, _mutatis mutandis_, -from one of Mr. Squeers's inaugural addresses to his pupils on the first -morning of term at Dotheboys Hall. Captain Kingdom's peroration laid -particular stress upon the fact that Messrs. Gates and Dingle had been -requested by him as a particular favour to adopt the policy of the thick -stick and the big boot in the case of those members of the crew who -refrained from looking slick in executing their orders. - -The crew received his remarks with sheepish grins or sullen scowls; and -the orator concluded: - -"Pick watches, Mr. Gates, and then we'll pipe down to dinner. Are all -hands on deck?" - -"Aye, aye, sir," replied Mr. Gates, looking over his list. - -"I saw _somebody_ down below a few minutes ago," drawled a voice, -proceeding from a figure seated upon a bollard. - -It was Mr. Allerton, who, with characteristic contentment with (or -indifference to) his lot, had performed the unprecedented feat of -signing on for a second voyage in the Orinoco. He wore his usual air of -humorous tolerance of the cares of this world, and spoke in the composed -and unruffled fashion which stamps the high-caste Englishman all over -the globe. His lot on board the Orinoco had been lighter than that of -most, for his companions, finding him apparently impervious to ill-usage -and philosophically genial under all circumstances, had agreed to regard -him as a species of heavily decayed and slightly demented "dude," and -had half-affectionately christened him "Percy,"--a term which sums up -the typical Englishman for the New Yorker almost as vividly as "Rosbif" -and "Godam" perform that office for the Parisian. - -The captain descended from the bridge, walked across the deck, and -dispassionately kicked Mr. Allerton off the bollard. - -"Stand up, you swine, when you speak to me!" he shouted. "Where did you -see anybody?" - -Mr. Allerton rose slowly and painfully from the scuppers. There are -moments when the _rôle_ of a Democritus is difficult to sustain. - -"I'm sorry you did that, captain," he remarked, "because I know you -didn't mean it personally. You had to make some sort of demonstration, -of course, to put the fear of death into these new hands, but I regret -that you should have singled me out as the _corpus vile_,--you don't -know what that means, I daresay: never mind!--because you have shaken up -my wits so much, besides nearly breaking my hip-bone, that I shall have -to pause and consider a minute before I remember where I _did_ see the -gentleman." - -If the captain had been Mr. Gates he would probably have felled Allerton -to the deck a second time. As it was, he shuffled his feet uncomfortably -and glared. The broken man before him, when all was said and done, was -his superior; and the captain, who was of sufficiently refined clay to -be sensitive to social distinctions, was angrily conscious of that sense -of sheepish uneasiness which obsesses the cad, however exalted, in the -presence of a gentleman, however degraded. - -Allerton continued:-- - -"I remember now, captain. The man was lying in the alley-way leading to -the companion. I'll go and see how he is getting on. Keep your seats, -gentlemen." - -He dived down the fore-hatchway, just in time to escape the itching boot -of the unimpressionable Mr. Gates, and proceeded between decks toward -the stern. Presently he came to the alley-way in question. The man was -still there, but had slightly shifted his position since Allerton had -last seen him. He was now reclining across the passage, with his head -sunk on his chest. His feet were bare, and he was attired in a blue -jumper and a pair of trousers which had once belonged to a suit of -orange-and-red pyjamas. His appearance was not impressive. - -Allerton stirred him gently with his foot. - -"Wake up, old man," he remarked, "or there'll be hell--Well, I'm -damned!" - -For the man had drowsily lifted his heavy head and displayed the -features of Hughie Marrable. - -They gazed at each other for a full minute. Then Allerton said feebly:-- - -"You've preferred the Orinoco to the Apulia after all, then?" - -Hughie did not reply. He was running his tongue round his cracked and -blackened lips, and tentatively sucking his palate. - -"I know that taste," he remarked. "It reminds me of a night I once spent -in Canton. I have it--opium!" - -Then he tenderly fingered the back of his head, and nodded with the -interested air of one who is acquiring a new item of experience. - -"I've been filled up with opium before," he said, "but this is the first -time I've been sand-bagged. I suppose I was sand-bagged first and -hocussed afterwards. Yes, that's it." - -He looked almost pleased. He was a man who liked to get to the bottom of -things. Presently he continued:-- - -"Could you get me a drink of water? I've got a tongue like a stick of -glue." - -Allerton departed as bidden, presently to return with a pannikin. Hughie -was standing up in the alley-way, swaying unsteadily and regarding his -attire. - -"I say," he said, after gulping the water, "would you mind telling -me--you see, I'm a little bit wuzzy in the head at present--where the -devil I am, and whether I came on board in this kit or my own clothes?" - -"Steamship Orinoco," replied Allerton precisely, "out of New York, for -Bordeaux." - -"Let me think," said Hughie,--"Orinoco? Ah! now I'm beginning to see -daylight. What's the name of the owner, our friend from Coney Island?" - -Allerton told him. "But he's more than your friend now," he added; "he's -your employer." - -Hughie whistled long and low. - -"I see," he said. "Shanghaied--eh? Well, I must say he owed me one: I -fairly barked his nose for him that night. But now that he has had me -knocked on the head and shipped on board this old ark, I think he has -overpaid me. I owe him one again; and, with any luck, he shall have it." - -"Do you remember being slugged?" said Allerton. - -"Can't say I do precisely. Let me see. I recollect coming along -Forty-second Street on my way to the Manhattan. I'd been dining at the -Lambs, and I stopped a minute on the sidewalk under an L railway-track -to light my pipe, when--yes, it must have happened then." - -"I expect you had been shadowed all day," said Allerton. "But I'm -forgetting my duties. You are wanted on deck." - -"Who wants me? Noddy Kinahan?" - -"Not much! He doesn't travel by his own ships. It's the captain. I -understand that you are to be presented to the company as a little -stowaway, and great surprise and pain will be officially manifested at -your appearance on board." - -"All right. Come along and introduce me." - -Captain Kingdom's method of dealing with stowaways--natural and -artificial--was simple and unvarying. On presentation, he first of all -abused them with all the resources of an almost Esperantic vocabulary, -and then handed them over to Mr. Gates to be kicked into shape. - -On Hughie Marrable's appearance on deck, the captain proceeded with -gusto to Part One of his syllabus. Hard words break no bones, and -Hughie, who was breathing in great draughts of sea-air and feeling less -dizzy and more collected each minute, set no particular store by the -oratorical display to which he was being treated. In fact, he was almost -guilty of the discourtesy of allowing his attention to wander. He set -the crown upon his offence by interrupting the captain's peroration. - -"Look here, skipper," he said, brusquely breaking in upon a period, "you -can drop that. My name is Marrable. I am not a stowaway, and I have been -dumped on board this ship by order of--" - -"Your name," said Captain Kingdom with relish, "is anything I choose to -call you; and as you stowed yourself away on board--" - -"Look here," said Hughie, "I want a word with you--in your own cabin for -choice. All right," he continued with rising voice, as the captain broke -out again, "I'll have it here instead. First of all, what is Mr. Noddy -Kinahan paying you for this job?" - -The captain turned to the mate. - -"Sock him, Mr. Gates!" he roared. - -Mr. Gates, whose curiosity--together with that of the rest of the -crew--had been roused, as Hughie meant it to be, by the latter's -reference to Mr. Noddy Kinahan's share in the present situation, moved -forward to his task with less alacrity than usual, and paused readily -enough when Hughie continued:-- - -"If you'll put back, captain, and land me anywhere within a hundred -miles of New York, I'll give you double what Kinahan is paying you for -this job." - -"You _look_ like a man with money, I must say!" replied Kingdom. "Now -then, Mr. Gates!" - -"It's to be no deal, then?" said Hughie composedly. "Very well. The next -question is, if I am coming with you, how am I going to be treated? -Cabin or steer--" - -"I'll show you," roared the incensed skipper. "Knock him silly, Mr. -Gates!" - -Mr. Gates came on with a rush. But Hughie, who all this time had been -taking his bearings, leapt back lightly in his bare feet and snatched a -capstan-bar from the rack behind him. - -"Keep your distance for a moment, Mr. Gates," he commanded, "if you -don't want your head cracked. I haven't finished interviewing this -captain of yours yet. Happy to oblige _you_ later, for any period you -care to specify." - -"'Nother Percy!" commented Mr. Dingle dejectedly, expectorating over the -side. He was a plain man, was Mr. Dingle, and loved straight hitting and -words of one syllable. - -Mr. Gates paused, and Hughie, leaning back against the bulwarks and -toying with the capstan-bar, continued to address the fulminating -mariner on the bridge. - -"Now, captain, I'm going to be brief with you--brief and business-like. -You've been paid by Kinahan to shanghai me and take me for a long -sea-voyage. Very good. I'm not kicking. I wanted to get to Europe -anyhow, and I rather like long sea-voyages, especially before the mast. -In fact, I'd rather sail before the mast on board this ship than in the -cuddy. (Keep still, Mr. Gates!) As I'm here, I've no particular -objection to working my passage, always reserving to myself the right to -make things hot for your employer when I get ashore. I'll work as an -A.B. or deck-hand if you like, though personally I would rather do -something in the engine-room. I'm pretty well qualified in that -direction. But I must be decently treated, and there must be no more -sand-bagging or knockabout variety business. Is it a deal?" - -Captain Kingdom surveyed the sinewy stowaway before him thoughtfully. He -saw that until Hughie gave up the capstan-bar Mr. Gates would have -little chance of enforcing discipline. He must temporise. - -"I can give you a job in the engine-room," he said, in what he imagined -was a more conciliatory tone. "Second engineer's down with something -this morning. You can take his watch. Drop that capstan-bar of yours, -and go and see Mr. Angus, the chief." - -"That should suit me," replied Hughie. "But as a guarantee of good -faith, and to avoid disappointing the assembled company, I'm quite -willing to stand up and have a turn with Mr. Gates here, or that -gentleman over by the funnel-stay, or any one else you may appoint. But -I should _prefer_ Mr. Gates," he added, almost affectionately. "I'm not -in first-class form at present, as my head has got a dint in it behind; -but I'll do my best. Are you game, Mr. Gates?" - -"Go on, Mr. Gates, learn him!" commanded the highly gratified skipper. - -"Drop that bar," shouted the genial Mr. Gates, "and I'll kill you!" - -"Half a minute, please," said Hughie, as unruffled as if he were putting -on the gloves for a ten-minute spar in a gymnasium. "I'm not going to -fight a man in sea-boots in my bare feet. Can any gentleman oblige me -with--Thank you, sir! You are a white man." - -A pair of oily canvas tennis shoes, with list soles, pattered down on -the deck beside him. Their donor, the "white man,"--a coal-black -individual attired chiefly in cotton-waste,--was smiling affably from -the engine-room hatchway. - -"They'll dae ye fine," he observed unexpectedly, and disappeared below. - -In a moment Hughie had slipped on the shoes. Then, casting away the bar, -he hurled himself straight at the head of Mr. Gates. - -In the brief but exhilarating exhibition which followed Mr. Gates -realised that a first mate on the defensive is a very different being -from a first mate on the rampage. He had become so accustomed to -breaking in unresisting dock-rats and bemused foreigners, taking his own -time and using his boots where necessary, that a high-pressure combat -with a man who seemed to be everywhere except at the end of his fist--to -his honour he never once thought of employing his foot--was an entire -novelty to him. He fought sullenly but ponderously, wasting his enormous -strength on murderous blows which never reached their mark, and stolidly -enduring a storm of smacks, bangs, and punches that would have knocked a -man of less enduring material into a pulp. But there is one blow which -no member of the human family can stand up to, glutton for punishment -though he be. Hughie made a sudden feint with his left at his opponent's -body, just below the heart. Gates dropped his guard, momentarily -throwing forward his head as he did so. Instantaneously a terrific -upper-cut from Hughie's right took him squarely under the chin. Mr. -Gates described a graceful parabola, and landed heavily on his back on -deck, striking his head against a ring-bolt as he fell. The whole fight -had lasted less than four minutes. - -Hughie was about to assist his fallen opponent to rise, when he heard a -warning cry from half-a-dozen voices. He swung round, to find the -captain making for him, open-mouthed, with the capstan-bar. He sprang -lightly aside--a further blessing on those list shoes!--and his opponent -charged past him, bringing down the bar with a flail-like sweep upon the -drum of a steam windlass. Next moment Hughie, grasping the foremast -shrouds, leaped on the bulwarks and pulled himself up to the level of -the bridge, which was unoccupied save by the man at the wheel, who had -been an enthusiastic spectator of the scene below. - -Having climbed upon the bridge, and so secured the upper ground in case -of any further attack, Hughie leaned over the rails and parleyed. In his -hand he held a pair of heavy binoculars, which he had taken out of a box -clamped to the back of the wind-screen. - -"The first man who attempts to follow me up here," he announced, when he -had got his breath back, "will get this pair of glasses in the eye. -Captain, I don't think you are a great success as an employer of labour. -You haven't got the knack of conciliating your men. Can't we come to -terms? Mine are very simple. I want some clothes--my own, for choice. If -you haven't got them, anything quiet and unobtrusive will do. But I -decline to go about in orange-and-red pyjama trousers in mid-Atlantic to -please you or anybody else. For one thing they're not warm, and for -another they're not usual. If you will oblige me in this matter, I am -quite willing to live at peace with you. I don't see that you can really -suppress me except by killing me, and that is a thing which I don't -think you have either the authority or the pluck to do. Why not give me -a billet in the engine-room and cry quits?" - -Captain Kingdom looked up at the obstreperous mutineer on the bridge, -and down at the recumbent Mr. Gates on the deck, and ground his teeth. -Then he looked up to the bridge again. - -"All right," he growled. "Come down!" - - - - - CHAPTER VIII - - A BENEFIT PERFORMANCE - - -Hughie, having been relieved to a slight extent from sartorial -humiliation, entered upon his engine-room duties forthwith. - -The society in which he found himself consisted of Mr. Angus, the -chief,--engineers, like gardeners, editors, and Cabinet Ministers, are -practically all Scotsmen,--Mr. Goble, the acting-second (_vice_ Mr. -Walsh, sick), and a motley gang of undersized, half-mutinous, wholly -vile sweepings of humanity in the form of firemen. Mr. Walsh was -suffering from an intermittent form of malaria contracted years ago in -an up-river trip to the pestilential regions round Saigon. Mr. Angus, a -hoary-headed and bottle-nosed Dundonian, who could have charmed a -scrap-heap into activity, received Hughie with native politeness, and -paid him the compliment of working him uncommonly hard. He explained -(with perfect truth) that the only reason why he was not at that moment -driving a Cunarder was a habit of his, viewed by certain owners with -regrettable narrowness of vision, of "takin' a drap, whiles." The -concluding adverb Hughie correctly estimated to mean "whenever I can get -anything to drink." - -"I canna see what for they should be sae partic'lar aboot it," mused Mr. -Angus in recounting the circumstance, "for I haundle her jist as weel -drunk as sober. However, here I am, and there's an end o't. Aiblins it's -jist as weel. I could rin the engines o' ony Cunarder afloat, but I ken -fine there's not hauf-a-dozen men in their hale fleet could knock eight -knots oot o' the auld Orinoco. There's a kin' o' divinity aboot it, I -doot. A man's pit whaur he's maist wantit." - -John Alexander Goble, the acting-second, proved to be a man of greater -depth and more surprises than his superior. He it was who had thrown the -list shoes to Hughie before the battle with Mr. Gates, which showed that -he was at heart a Sportsman; he had taken the first opportunity of -asking for the return of the same, which showed that he was a Scotsman; -but he had found Hughie a better pair of shoes in their stead, together -with some garments more suitable than the blue jumper and the -orange-and-red pyjama trousers, which showed that he was a good -Samaritan: and a man who is a Sportsman and a Scot and a good Samaritan -all rolled into one is an addition to the society of any engine-room. - -His face wore an expression of chastened gloom; and if washed and set -ashore in his native Caledonia, he would probably have received a -unanimous invitation to come and glower over the plate in the doorway of -the nearest Wee Free conventicle. His speech was slow and unctuous: one -could imagine him under happier circumstances conducting family worship, -and pausing to elucidate in approved fashion some specially obvious -passage in the evening's "portion," thus: "From the expression, 'a -michty man o' valour,' we may gather that the subject of this reference -was a person of considerable stature and undoubted physical courage." - -He was habitually and painfully sober, for reasons which Hughie learned -from him at a period when they had more leisure to study each other's -characters. He was ignorant of the first principles of mechanics, but -could be trusted to keep the Orinoco's propeller-shaft revolving at a -steady seventy-two to the minute; and he had a gentle compelling way -with refractory firemen which made for sweet reasonableness and general -harmony below stairs, what time Mr. Angus was recovering from one of -those sudden and regrettable attacks of indisposition which usually -coincided with the forgetfulness of the steward to lock up the cabin -whisky-bottle. - -Hughie berthed in the foc'sle, and was regarded by the Dagoes, Dutchmen, -_et hoc genus omne_, with mingled admiration for the manner in which he -had settled Mr. Gates, and mystified surprise that a man capable of such -a feat should be content to live on his own rations and sleep in his -allotted bunk, without desiring to make researches into the respective -succulence and comfort of his neighbours'. - -On the whole Hughie found his life tolerable enough, as the Orinoco -butted and grunted her way across the Newfoundland Banks; and he -experienced no pang when the Apulia, spouting smoke from her four -funnels and carrying his luggage in one of her state-rooms, swept past -them on the rim of the southern horizon on their third day out. He was -accustomed to rough quarters, and any new experience of things as they -are was of interest to him. Moreover, he possessed the priceless -possession of a cast-iron digestion; and a man so blessed can afford to -snap his fingers at most of the sundry and manifold changes of this -world. - -Captain Kingdom and Mr. Gates for the time being held him severely -aloof. The taciturn Mr. Dingle conveyed to him, by means of a -surprisingly ingenious code of grunts and expectorations, that provided -he, Hughie,--or Brown, as he was usually called,--was content to go his -way without hunting for trouble, he, Mr. Dingle, was content to go his -without endeavouring to supply it. Altogether there seemed to be no -reason for doubting that the Orinoco, provided she did not open up and -sink like a basket _en route_, would ultimately reach the port of -Bordeaux, bringing her sheaves, in the form of Hughie and some -unspeakable claret, with her. - -But there is more than one way of making money out of the shipping -trade. - -One night Hughie was leaning over the taffrail behind the wheel-house at -the stern. It was two o'clock, and the darkness was intensified by a -heavy mist. There was almost no wind, and the Orinoco, like a -draught-horse which feels the wheels of its equipage upon a tram-line, -slid gratefully up and down the lazy rollers with the nearest approach -to comfort that she had experienced that voyage. - -Hughie was idly watching the phosphorescent wake of the propeller, -wondering whether Captain Kingdom had orders to land him in France in -his shirt and trousers or throw him overboard before they got there, -when a figure rose up out of the darkness beside him. It was the -easy-going Mr. Allerton. - -"Hallo, Percy!" said Hughie. He had soon dropped into the nomenclature -of the foc'sle. - -"Look here," said Allerton, in a more purposeful voice than usual; "come -along and look at this boat." - -The largest of the three boats carried by the Orinoco lay close by them. -She was swung inboard and rested on deck-chocks below the davits. A -canvas cover, one end of which fluttered intermittently in the breeze, -roofed her over. Allerton lifted this flap and inserted his hand. -Presently there was a splutter and a glimmer, and it became plain that -he was holding a lighted match under the canvas. - -"Look!" he whispered. - -Hughie peered under the flap. He saw water-barrels, a spirit-keg, and -various bags and boxes. Then the match went out, and Allerton withdrew -his hand. - -The pair retired once more to their shelter behind the wheel-house. - -"You saw that?" said Allerton. - -"I did. Do they usually keep the boats provisioned on this ship? If so, -I don't blame them." - -"Not they. Somebody is going for a water-picnic shortly--that's all." - -Hughie mused. - -"Am _I_ the man, do you think?" he said at length. - -"No, I don't think so. There's too much grub for one. Besides the other -boats are provisioned too. It looks as if the ship were to be -abandoned." - -"But why? There's no reason why she should drop to bits for a long time -yet. Rust is very binding, you know. Probably they keep her provisioned -just in case--" - -Allerton wagged his head sagaciously. - -"There's more in this than meets the eye," he said. "It is my pleasure -and privilege, as you know, to act as steward at present during the -regretted retirement of the regular holder of that office, owing to -eczema of the hands. (Even Mr. Gates shies at eczema sea-pie!) Now -there's some mischief brewing in the cuddy, and they're all in -it--Kingdom, Gates, and Angus. I'm not quite sure about Dingle, because -he berths forward; but I think he is too. What's more: it's something -they can't afford to have given away. Kingdom, who usually keeps Angus -very short of drink at sea, now lets him have it whenever he wants it, -and generally speaking is going out of his way to keep him sweet. That -shows he can't afford to quarrel with him. And when a captain can't -afford to quarrel with a chief engineer whom he hates, it usually means -that he and the engineer are in together over some hanky-panky which has -its roots in the engine-room. You mark my words, one of these fine -nights that hoary-headed old Caledonian will open a sea-cock or two and -rush up on deck and say the ship is sinking. It'll be a case of all -hands to the boats; the Orinoco will go to her long-overdue and -thoroughly deserved rest at the bottom, and the insurance people will -pay up and look pleasant." - -"H'm," said Hughie; "there seems to be something in what you say. I wish -I could keep an eye on the old sinner in the engine-room; but since -Walsh came back to duty I've no excuse for going there at all now. It -might almost be worth while to warn Goble. He's a decent chap." - -"Who is on duty in the engine-room now?" - -"Walsh, I should think. Angus usually makes way for him about eight -bells. But I'm not sure. Hark! Do you notice anything about the beat of -the engines?" - -"Not being an expert, can't say I do. They sound a trifle more asthmatic -than usual, perhaps. What's up?" - -"Somebody has got the donkey-pump at work," said Hughie. "It may be -Angus, after all, monkeying with the water-ballast. Hallo!" He leaned -over the stern-rail and peered down. "Do you notice anything unusual -about the propeller?" - -"It seems to be kicking up a bit of a dust," said Allerton. "Is it going -round faster, or getting nearer the surface?" - -"It's half out of the water," said Hughie. "That means that the old man -has pumped out the after double-bottom tank. Look, we're all down by the -head!" - -The two stepped out from behind the wheelhouse and gazed forward. The -flush deck of the Orinoco was undoubtedly running downhill towards the -bows. - -"What's the game?" inquired Allerton excitedly. - -Hughie was thinking. Presently he said:-- - -"I'm not sure, but his next move should tell us. Either he is trying to -drive her nose under and sink her by manipulating the water-ballast, -which seems a hopeless job in a flat calm like this, and suicidal if it -comes off; or else he is working up for a scare of some kind, which will -frighten the crew into--Hallo? what's that?" - -There was a warning cry from Mr. Dingle, who was standing right forward -in the bows. - -"Something right ahead, sir! Looks like--" - -There was an answering shout from the bridge, where the captain was -standing by the wheel, followed by a jangling of telegraph-bells. Next -moment the Orinoco gave a jar and a stagger, and Hughie and Allerton -pitched forward on to their noses. - -There were shouts and cries all over the ship, and men came tumbling up -the hatchways. - -"We've struck something," gasped Allerton. - -"Struck your grandmother!" grunted Hughie, who was sitting up rubbing -his nose tenderly. "That jar came from directly underneath us. It was -caused by Angus reversing his engines without giving the ship time to -slow down. I daresay he never even shut off steam. Likely enough he's -lifted the engines off their beds. Well, perhaps he had finished with -them anyway. Come along forward." - -By this time a frightened crowd had assembled on the deck of the -Orinoco, which, lying motionless on the silent sea, artistically tilted -up by the stern,--Hughie began to grasp the inwardness of Mr. Angus's -manoeuvres with the water-ballast,--presented a sufficiently alarming -appearance even on that calm night. - -Mr. Dingle and the captain, the one hanging over the bows and the other -standing in an attitude of alertness on the bridge, were sustaining -between them a conversation which vaguely suggested to Hughie a -carefully rehearsed "cross-talk" duologue between two knockabout -artistes of the Variety firmament--say the Brothers Bimbo in one of -their renowned impromptu "patter scenes." The resemblance was enhanced -by the fact that the "patter" was delivered _fortissimo_ by both -performers, and each repeated the other's most telling phrases in tones -which made it impossible for the audience to avoid hearing them. - -"What was it?" shouted Bimbo Senior (as represented by Captain Kingdom). - -"Lump of wreckage!" roared Bimbo Junior, from a prolonged scrutiny of -the ship's forefoot. - -"Lump of wreckage?" bellowed Bimbo Senior. - -"Lump of wreckage!" corroborated Bimbo Junior. - -"Of course it _might_ have been ice," suggested Number One, at the top -of his voice. - -"Might have been ice," replied the conscientious echo. - -"Pairsonally I'm inclined tae believe it was jist a wee bit coral -island," interpolated a third voice, with painful and stunning -distinctness. The Chief Engineer had suddenly made his appearance on the -bridge. - -The captain was obviously much put out. In the first place, coral -islands are not plentiful in the North Atlantic, and there are limits -even to the gullibility of an audience composed of foreign deck-hands -and half-civilised firemen. Secondly, the axiom that two is company and -three none applies even to cross-talk duologues. Thirdly, Mr. Angus was -excessively drunk, and consequently the laboriously planned comedietta -at present in progress might, owing to his inartistic and uncalled-for -intrusion upon the scene, take a totally unrehearsed turn at any moment. - -The captain lost no time. - -"What report have you from the engine-room, Mr. Angus?" he inquired -loudly and pointedly. - -Mr. Angus, suddenly recognising his cue, and realising almost with tears -that he had been imperilling the success of the entire piece by unseemly -"gagging," pulled himself together, returned to his text, and announced -that the ship was badly down by the head and the stokehold awash. - -"There's nothing else for it," yelled the captain resignedly, "but to -leave her. Clear away the boats, Mr. Gates!" - -Having thus established a good working explanation of the disaster, and -incidentally enlisted the entire audience--those members of it, that is, -who were not already doing service in the _claque_--as unbiassed -witnesses for the defence in case the insurance company turned nasty, -the intrepid commander descended from the bridge to his cabin, to -collect a few necessaries pending the abandonment of his beloved vessel. - -Hughie and Allerton surveyed each other. - -"Which boat are you going in?" inquired Allerton. - -"None," said Hughie. - -"Going to stay on board?" - -Hughie nodded. - -"But she'll sink under our feet." - -"I don't believe she's as badly damaged as all that. There's some game -on here." - -"I don't suppose she's damaged at all," said Allerton, "but you can be -sure they won't be such blamed fools as to leave the ship floating about -to be picked up. Old Angus will let water into her before he leaves, if -he hasn't started the process already." - -"Well, I'm not going in any of those boats," said Hughie. "If the -Orinoco sinks, I'll float to Europe on a hen-coop." - -"May I have half of it?" said Allerton. - -"You may," said Hughie. - -And so the S. S. Orinoco Salvage Company, Limited, was floated, and the -Board of Directors entered upon their new duties at once. - -By this time the boats had been swung outboard and their provisioning -completed. They were now lowered from the davits, and the men began to -take their places. There was no panic, for the night was calm, and the -Orinoco showed no signs of settling deeper. Messrs. Gates and Dingle -were already at their respective tillers. Captain Kingdom and Mr. Angus -were standing by the davits to which the whale-boat was still shackled. -Mr. Goble, apparently in no hurry, was leaning over the bulwarks in the -darkness not far from Hughie and Allerton, dispassionately regarding the -crew's preparations for departure. He approached nearer. - -"There's a wheen fowk in thae boats," he observed. "I doot we'd be safer -on board." - -Hughie turned to him and nodded comprehendingly. - -"That's my opinion too," he said, "and Percy's. We're thinking of -staying here." - -Mr. Goble regarded him reflectively. - -"Is that a fact?" he said. "Weel, I'll bide too." - -And so a third member was co-opted on to the Board of Directors. - -"We'd better get out of sight," said Hughie. "They won't like leaving us -behind. I think I know a good place to wait. Come along." - -The trio slipped round behind the chart-house, passed along a deserted -stretch of the deck, and disappeared down the engine-room hatchway. - -The engine-room was illuminated by a couple of swinging lanterns. A -black and greasy flood of water glistened on the iron floor below, -filling the crank-pits and covering the propeller-shaft. The doors -leading to the stokehold were standing open, and they could see that the -floors there too were flooded, though the water had not reached the -level of the fire-bars. Owing to the immobility of the ship, its oily -surface was almost unruffled, and the engine-room itself was curiously -quiet after the turmoil on deck. The fires were burning low, but -occasionally a glowing clinker slipped from between the bars into the -blood-red flood beneath, with a sizzling splash. The steam was hissing -discontentedly in the gauges. - -The Salvage Board stood knee-deep in the water of the engine-room. - -Hughie picked up a smoky inspection-lamp,--a teapot-like affair with a -wick in the spout,--lit it, and peered about. - -"Now look here," he said, "I don't quite know where this water came -from, and it doesn't much matter, as no more is coming in at present. If -the old man means to sink the ship he will have to come down here to do -it. He has probably got some dodge arranged by which he can just turn a -wheel and open a valve and send her to the bottom. Isn't that the idea, -Goble? (I'll explain to you afterwards, Allerton.) My impression is that -he'll pop down and turn the valve on just before he leaves. In that case -one of us must stand by and turn it off again. You two go through into -the stokehold. He's not likely to come in there. If he does, you must -use your own discretion. I'll wait here, on the far side of the -cylinders, up against the condenser. He's not likely to see me, but I -shall be able to watch him and see which valve-wheel he turns on." - -The other two obeyed, and Hughie, scrambling across the bed-plates of -the engines, ensconced himself behind a convenient cross-head, with his -feet in a flooded crank-pit and his body squeezed back as far as -possible into the shadow of the condenser. - -He had not long to wait. Presently cautious feet were heard descending -the iron ladder, and Mr. Angus, comparatively sober, stepped heavily -into the flood on the floor. - -His first proceeding was to wade to the stokehold end of the -engine-room,--Hughie thought at first that he was going right through -into the arms of Allerton and Goble, and wondered what they would do -with him,--where he began to manipulate the great valve-wheel which kept -the steam imprisoned in the boilers; and presently Hughie could hear the -roar of the escape far above his head. This was a purely precautionary -measure, and could do no harm to any one. - -Then Mr. Angus splashed his way to the corner by the donkey-pump, where -the machinery for controlling the bilge and water-ballast valves was -situated, and began to twist over another wheel. Presently there was a -gurgling bubbling sound in the bowels of the ship, followed by a slight -hissing and whispering on the surface of the water on the engine-room -floor. The valve was open. - -Mr. Angus turned and lurched heavily through the rising flood to the -iron ladder. Thirty seconds later a glistening figure crawled out of the -crank-pit and vigorously turned the wheel in the opposite direction. The -gurgling and hissing ceased. The valve was closed. - - - - - CHAPTER IX - - _LITERA SCRIPTA MANET_ - - -"Mr. Marrable, did ever ye see a drookit craw?" - -"No." - -"Well, see me!" announced Mr. Goble complacently. - -He crawled out of the engine-room companionway and sat down on the deck. -Excessive spruceness had never been a foible of his, but now he was an -unrecognisable mass of coal-dust, oil, and rust. He was dripping wet, -for he had spent the last hour in an exhaustive examination of the -Orinoco's waterlogged internal economy. The morning sun was warm, and he -steamed comfortably as he detailed the result of his investigations to -Hughie, who in some imperceptible but inevitable manner had taken -command of the tiny ship's company. - -Shorn of technicalities and irrelevant excursions into the regions of -pawky philosophy, Mr. Goble's report came to this. - -Mr. Angus had pumped out the after ballast-tank during the night, -allowing the water, by means of a specially rigged return-pipe, to flow -into the bilges of the ship instead of escaping overboard. By this -device he had altered the Orinoco's centre of gravity in such a manner -as to produce the afore-mentioned down-hill slant of her decks--a -corroborative detail, as Pooh-Bah would have observed, which gave a -little much-needed artistic verisimilitude to the Bimbo Brothers' bald -and unconvincing narrative of disaster. Incidentally he had flooded the -forehold and engine-room with sufficient water to give those members of -the ship's company who were not in their employer's confidence the -impression that she was sinking, and to furnish those who were with a -_prima facie_ argument for deserting her. - -But these thoughtful precautions, though sufficient to procure the -abandonment of the Orinoco, were by no means sufficient to send her to -the bottom, a consummation to be achieved at any cost; for to leave -your ship lying about in mid-ocean, to be picked up by the first -chance-comer, while you go hurrying home to extract a cheque from the -insurance company, savours of slipshod business methods; and Mr. Noddy -Kinahan was nothing if not thorough. - -Now every steamer which plies under Lloyds' ægis is fitted, below the -water-line, with a set of what are called bilge-valves. Through these it -is possible to expel any water which may have found its way into the -body of the vessel. As it is even more desirable to prevent the entrance -of water into your ship than to assist its exit, these valves are of -a strictly "non-return" variety, and no amount of pressure from -the outside should ever prevail upon them to play the part of -Facing-Both-Ways. The very life of the ship depends upon them; and the -enterprising individual who tampers with their mechanism in such a -manner as to convert what is meant to be an Emergency Exit into a sort -of Early Door for the rolling deep, does so at the risk of coming into -immediate and painful collision with the criminal laws of his country. - -Mr. Angus, it appeared, had been employing some of his spare time during -the voyage in reversing one of these bilge-valves, with such skill and -_finesse_ that, as we have seen, one had only to give a turn to a -worm-and-wheel gear in the engine-room to admit the Atlantic Ocean in -large quantities. - -"Oh, he has a heid on him, has Angus!" commented Mr. Goble with -professional appreciation, "even when he's fou'. He made a rare job o't. -But how he managed to contrive that imitation o' a collision, merely -through some jookery-packery wi' the reverse-gear and throttle, wi'oot -tearin' the guts oot o' her, I div not ken. Man, it was a fair conjurin' -trick! By rights the link motion should be twisted intil a watch-chain -and the cross-heids jammit in the guides. But they're no. It's jist -Providence, I doot," he added rather apologetically, with the air of one -who should have thought of this sooner. - -Then he uprose from his seat on an inverted bucket. - -"Before I gang ben, sir," he concluded, "tae change ma feet and ma -breeks, I'll tak' the liberty tae inquire of you what you propose tae -dae next. Maircy me! Yon's Walsh." - -Two figures had appeared round the corner of the chart-house, their -presence on the far side thereof having been advertised for some time by -the clanking of the deck-pumps. (Mr. Angus's precaution of blowing off -steam before leaving had put mechanical assistance in getting rid of the -water out of the question for the time being.) - -"Yes, it's me," said Walsh, who, it will be remembered, was the second -engineer, to whom Hughie had recently been acting as deputy. "I should -have come on duty at eight bells to relieve Angus, but I slept right -through everything till Mr. Marrable found me in my bunk an hour or two -ago. I expect they put something in my grog last night." - -"It's quite a hobby of theirs," said Allerton drily. "Mr. Marrable, I -have found something that may be useful to us." - -He handed his superior officer a damp but undamaged little packet of -papers. - -"Where did you find them?" asked Hughie. "I thought I had gone through -Kingdom's kit pretty thoroughly." - -"They were sticking in the falls of the davits belonging to the boat -Kingdom went off in," replied Allerton. "I saw him hurrying along the -deck from his cabin just before his departure, carrying the log-book and -some papers and instruments. I expect he dropped these as he went over -the side." - -"Sit down, everybody," said the commander, "we'll see this through. It -may concern us all." - -The packet contained two letters, together with some invoices and bills -of lading referring chiefly to the Orinoco's cargo of astringent claret. - -Hughie glanced through the letters. Then he re-read them with some -deliberation. Then he whistled low and expressively. Then he sat up and -sighed, gently and contentedly. - -"Mr. Noddy Kinahan," he said, "is shortly going to wish, with all his -benevolent and philanthropic little heart, that he had never been born. -And we are the people that are going to make him wish. Listen!" - -He read the two letters aloud. They were brief, but explicit. One -contained Kinahan's orders to Kingdom as to the disposal of the Orinoco. -The other was a sort of invoice, or consignment note, relating to the -person of one Marrable, who had apparently been shipped on board the -night before the ship sailed. Each of these documents, it may be added, -contained sufficient matter to ensure penal servitude for their author. - -Hughie stopped reading, and there was a long and appreciative silence. -Then Allerton said:-- - -"What beats me is to understand how Kinahan could have been such a mug -as to commit these schemes to paper, and how Kingdom should have been -such a fool as to want to keep them. _I'd_ have let them go down in the -Orinoco." - -"I expect one explanation covers both cases," said Hughie. "Kingdom -probably demanded his orders in black and white, as a guarantee that he -would get his money when he had done his job. Otherwise he had no claim -on Kinahan for a penny, beyond his ordinary wage as skipper. Kinahan -probably agreed, stipulating that the letters should be handed back to -him when they squared accounts. It was a risky thing to do, but when two -thieves can't trust each other, and go dropping about documentary -evidence to that effect--well, that's where poor but deserving people -like ourselves come in. No, I shouldn't think Kingdom _would_ want to -leave these behind; and I opine that he's a pretty sick man by this time -if he has missed them." - -He folded the letters up, and put them away carefully. - -"Now, gentlemen," he said briskly, "I propose that we go below and see -if there is sufficient steam on the Orinoco to pump the rest of the -water out of her and get the propeller revolving again. We'll have to -damp down most of the fires, because we can't run too many firemen, but -I think we ought to knock four or five knots out of her in ordinary -weather. Luckily, seventy-five _per cent_ of the ship's company are -competent engineers. After that we'll have some breakfast, and after -that we'll make tracks for home. We'll work"--he smacked his lips -cheerily, like an energetic pedagogue on the first morning of term--"in -shifts of three. Two men will run the engine-room and stokehold, and the -third will take the wheel. The fourth can sleep. That will give us each -eighteen hours on and six hours off. I don't know where we are, and I -have no means of finding out, as Captain Kingdom has walked off with the -chart and most of the proper instruments. But we must be near land, or -they would not have taken to the boats yet. If we keep steaming steadily -east (with a little north in it), at about a hundred miles a day,--which -I fancy is about our limit,--we should knock up against something sooner -or later. And when we do, we'll get hold of the proper authorities, and -I venture to think that with the help of these two letters and that -doctored bilge-valve down below we shall be able to prepare a welcome -for those three boat-loads of shipwrecked mariners, when they arrive, -that will surprise them. Also, I fancy there will be pickings for you in -the way of salvage. What a game!" Hughie stood up, and inhaled a great -breath. This was real life! "Are you _on_, boys?" he cried suddenly. "Is -the old Orinoco going to the bottom this journey?" - -The crew rose at him and gave three cheers. - - * * * * * - -Later that afternoon, as the Orinoco pounded along at a strictly -processional pace through the ruffling waters,--the glass was falling -and a breeze getting up,--Deputy-Quartermaster Lionel Hinchcliffe -Welford-Welford Allerton, late scholar of Trinity College, Cambridge, -sometime Assistant Deck-Hand in the mercantile marine, descried from his -post on the bridge a small moving object upon the starboard bow. - -It was the Orinoco's whale-boat, which was proceeding under two lugsails -on a course parallel with the steamer's. - -Allerton, who in the excitement of salving the Orinoco had almost -forgotten the existence of the gang of buccaneers who had scuttled her, -excitedly rang the telegraph bell and summoned the rest of the ship's -company to his side. - -The emotions, however, aroused in the Orinoco by the sight of the -whale-boat were mild in comparison with those excited in the undutiful -whale-boat by the spectacle of her resuscitated parent. Mr. Angus, on -beholding the steamer, kept discreetly silent. He had given himself away -by seeing things which were not there once or twice in his life before. -But Captain Kingdom turned a delicate apple-green. - -"Look there!" he gasped, pointing. - -"Yon bit cloud, ye mean?" said the cautious Angus. - -"No, no, man--the Orinoco!" cried the frantic skipper. - -"Oh--the shup! Aye, aye!" replied Mr. Angus, rather pleased than -otherwise. - -"There's a crew on board her," continued Kingdom shakily. "And she's got -steam on her, too!" - -"Aye," said Mr. Angus. "I doot somebody will have closed yon sea-cock -again." - -"Who can it be?" demanded the captain feverishly. "Surely we left no one -on board. I told Dingle to take that fellow Marrable in his boat." - -"Perhaps," suggested Mr. Angus, "yin of the other boats cam' back." - -Kingdom pointed impatiently to two small specks upon the horizon. - -"They're there," he said. - -"Maybe some liner has come across her and left a bit crew on board her," -continued the fertile Mr. Angus. - -"If so, we'd have seen the liner," replied Kingdom irritably. - -He took up his binoculars and began to scrutinise the Orinoco, which had -altered her course a few points in their direction. - -Mr. Angus had a fresh inspiration. - -"Did ye mind tae wauken Walsh?" he whispered. "If not, ye ken he micht -weel--" - -The captain lowered his glasses, and nodded. - -"He might be one," he agreed; "but there are four men on deck." He -raised his binoculars again. "Yes, there they are. Well, whoever they -are and whatever the game is, we must get on board again and do the job -properly this time.--Hallo, one of them is running below!--Here he is -again!--He's carrying something--flags, I reckon. They're going to -signal us." - -He was right. Up to the topmost summit of the Orinoco's grimy foremast -travelled a signal--a banner with a strange device indeed, but conveying -a perfectly intelligible message for all that. It consisted of the -nether or unmentionable portion of a ragged suit of orange-and-red -striped pyjamas. - -Having reached its destination, it inflated itself in the freshening -breeze and streamed out, defiant and derisive, in the rays of the -setting sun; flinging to the fermenting couple in the whale-boat the -simple but comprehensive intimation--"Sold!" - -Then, with one single joyous toot from her siren, the Orinoco altered -her course a couple of points and wallowed off in a north-easterly -direction, leaving the crew of the whale-boat to listen in admiring -silence to a sulphurous antistrophe in two dialects proceeding from the -stern-sheets. - - - - - CHAPTER X - - THE END OF AN ODYSSEY - - -Hughie reckoned that they might have to steam eastward for quite three -or four days before they sighted land. - -This was an underestimate. - -The history of the Orinoco's last voyage will never be written. In -the first place, those who took part in it were none of them men who -were addicted to the composition of travellers' tales; and in the -second, their recollections of the course of events when all was -over, were hopelessly and rather mercifully blurred. Not that they -minded. One derives no pleasure or profit from reconstructing a -nightmare--especially when it has lasted for sixteen days and nights. - -Some events, of course, were focussed more sharply in their memories -than others. There was that eternity of thirty-six hours during which -the Orinoco, with every vulnerable orifice sealed up or battened down, -her asthmatic engines pulsing just vigorously enough to keep her head -before the wind, rode out a north-easterly gale which blew her many -miles out of her reckoning. ("Not that that matters much," said her -philosophic commander. "We don't know where we are now, it's true; but -then we didn't know where we were before, so what's the odds? We'll keep -on steering away about north-east, and as we are aiming at a target -eight hundred miles wide we ought to hit it somewhere.") Then there was -a palpitating night when the faithful engines, having wheezily but -unceasingly performed their allotted task for a period long enough to -lull all who depended upon them into an optimistic frame of mind, broke -down utterly and absolutely; and the fires had to be banked and the -Orinoco allowed to wallow unrestrainedly in the trough of the sea while -the entire ship's company, with cracking muscles and heart-breaking -gasps, released a jammed crosshead from the guides and took down a leaky -cylinder. - -They were evidently out of the ordinary sea-lanes, for they sighted only -one steamer in ten days, and her they allowed to go by. - -"None of us understand proper signalling," said Hughie, "so we can't -attract her attention without doing something absurdly theatrical, like -running up the ensign upside down; and I'm hanged if we'll do that--yet. -After all, we only want to know where we _are_. We may be just off the -coast of Ireland for all I can say, and it does seem feeble to bring a -liner out of her course to ask her footling questions. It would be like -stopping the Flying Scotsman to get a light for one's pipe." - -"Or asking a policeman in Piccadilly Circus the nearest way to the -Criterion bar," added Allerton. "I'm with you all the time, captain." - -And so these four mendicants allowed a potential Good Samaritan to pass -by and sink behind the horizon. It was an action typical of their race: -they had no particular objection to death, but they drew the line at -being smiled at. Still, there were moments during the next ten days when -they rather regretted their diffidence. - -But events like these were mere excrescences in a plane of dead -monotony. The day's work was made up of endless hours in a Gehenna-like -stokehold, where with aching backs and bleeding hands they laboured to -feed the insatiable fires, or crawled along tunnel-like bunkers in -search of the gradually receding coal; spells at the wheel--sometimes -lashed to it--in biting wind or blinding fog; the whole sustained on a -diet of ship's biscuit, salt pork, and lukewarm coffee, tempered by -brief but merciful intervals of the slumber of utter exhaustion. - -Still, one can get used to anything. They even enjoyed themselves after -a fashion. High endeavour counts for something, whether you have a wife -and family dependent upon you, like Walsh, or can extract _la joie de -vivre_ out of an eighteen-hour day and a workhouse diet, like Hughie. - -And they got to know each other, thoroughly,--a privilege denied to most -in these days of restless activity and multifarious acquaintance. - -It was a lasting wonder to Hughie how Allerton could ever have fallen to -his present estate; for he displayed an amount of energy, endurance, and -initiative during this manhood-testing voyage that was amazing. He -himself ascribed his virtue to want of opportunity to practise anything -else, but this was obviously too modest an explanation. Perhaps blood -always tells. At any rate, Allerton took unquestioned rank as second in -command over the heads of two men whose technical knowledge and physical -strength far exceeded his own. But in his hours of ease--few enough -now--he was as easy-going and flippant and casual as ever. - -Walsh in a sense was the weakest of the quartet. He was a capable -engineer and an honest man, but he lacked the devil-may-care nonchalance -of the other three; for he had a wife and eight children waiting for him -in distant Limehouse, and a fact like that gives a man a distaste for -adventure. He was a disappointed man, too. He had held a chief -engineer's "ticket" for seven years, but he had never held a chief -engineer's billet. He could never afford to knock off work and wait -until the right berth should come his way: he must always take the first -that offered, for fear that the tale of boots and bread in Limehouse -should diminish. As a crowning stroke of ill-luck, he had been paid off -from his last job because his ship had collided with a New York lighter -and been compelled to go into dry dock for three months; and by shipping -in the Orinoco he was barely doing more than work his passage home. His -ten-year-old dream of delivering Mrs. Walsh from her wash-tub for all -time, and exalting her from the _res angustæ_ of Teak Street, Limehouse, -to a social environment reserved exclusively for the wives of chief -engineers, seemed as far from fulfilment as ever. Still, he maintained a -stiff upper lip and kept his watch like a man, which is more than most -of us would have done under the circumstances. - -But it was Goble who interested Hughie most. In the long night-watches, -as they swung the heavy fire-shovels in the stokehold, or heaved the -ever-accumulating clinkers over the side, or took turn and turn about to -gulp tepid water out of a sooty bucket, or met over a collation of -coffee and ship's biscuit--the supper of one and the breakfast of the -other--in the galley, Goble would let fall dry pawky reflections on life -in general, with autobiographical illustrations, which enabled Hughie to -piece together a fairly comprehensive idea of his companion's previous -existence. - -John Alexander Goble had played many parts in his time, like most -vagrants. He had been born a gamekeeper's son in Renfrewshire, and had -lost his father early, that devoted upholder of proprietary rights -having been shot through the head in a poaching affray. After this -catastrophe the widow, who had openly pined for her native Glasgow -during the whole of her husband's lifetime, had returned to that -municipal paradise; and the ripening youth of John Alexander Goble had -been passed in a delectable locality, known as "The Coocaddens," to -which he could never refer without a gleam of tender reminiscence in his -eyes. - -Why John Alexander had ever deserted this Eden Hughie could never -rightly ascertain. His references to that particular epoch in his career -were invariably obscure; but since he darkly observed on one occasion -that "weemen can mak' a gowk o' the best man leevin'," Hughie gathered -that Mr. Goble's present course of life owed its origin to a tender but -unsatisfactory episode in the dim and distant days of his hot youth. - -"After that," John would continue elliptically, "I went tae Motherwell. -D'ye ken Motherwell? A grand place! Miles and miles of blast-furnaces, -and the sky lit up day and nicht, like the Last Judgment. I did a wheen -odd jobs there. Whiles I would hurl a trolley wi' coke, whiles I would -sort coal wi' some lassies, and at last I got a job as a moulder." - -"What's that?" inquired the ever-receptive Hughie. - -"What else but a body that makes moulds?" - -"Yes, but how does he do it?" - -"Weel, there's a sort o' sandy place at the fit o' each -smelting-furnace--like a bit sea-shore, ye'll understand--and every -four-and-twenty hours they cast the furnace. They let oot the melted -ore, that is, and it rins doon intil moulds that hae been made in the -sand. (Ye dae it by just buryin' baulks o' timber in rows and then -pickin' them oot again, and the stuff rins intil the hollows that have -been left. When it's cauld they ca' it pig-iron.) Well, I stuck tae that -job for a matter o' sax months. But it was drouthy work, besides bein' -haird on the feet,--you go scratch-scratching in the sand wi' your bare -soles makin' the moulds,--and presently I gave it up and took tae daen' -odd jobs among the trucks and engines in the yairds. I liked that fine, -for machinery is the yin thing that really excites me. First I was a -coupler, then I was a fireman, then I got tae drivin' a wee shunting -engine, dunting trucks about the yaird. And at last I was set in charge -o' a winding-engine at a pit-heid. That was a grand job; but it didna -last long. I was drinkin' haird by this time--I'd stairtit after I left -the Coocaddens--and yin' day I was that fou' I let the cage gang doon -wi' a run tae the bottom o' the shaft." - -"Was there anybody in the cage?" inquired Hughie, as Goble paused, as if -to contemplate some mental picture. - -"There was not, thank God! But there _was_ a bit laddie doon ablow in -the pit, that was sittin' on his hutch--his truck, that is--at the fit -o' the shaft, waitin' on the cage. He wasna expectin' the thing tae fall -doon like a daud o' putty, so he was no' sittin' quite clear; and the -cage cam' doon and took off baith his feet. Man, I hae never forgotten -his mither's face when they brought him up. I lost ma job, and I hae -never touched a drop since. For seven-and-twenty years have I been on -the teetotal--seven-and-twenty years! It'll shorten ma life, I doot," he -added gloomily; "but I'll bide by it!" - -"What became of the boy?" inquired Hughie. - -"He's gotten twa wooden feet the noo," replied Goble more cheerfully, -"and he's been minding the lamp-room this twenty year. I've heard frae -him noo and again, and we've always been freens; but his auld mither has -never forgiven me. She's ower seventy the day, but Jeems tells me she -aye lets a curse every time he mentions ma name." - -A further instalment of Mr. Goble's adventures explained how he took to -the sea. - -"After I cleared oot o' Motherwell I went to the Clydeside. I was a fair -enough mechanic by this time, but I had tak'n a sort o' skunner at -machinery--no wi'oot some reason--and I tried for to get taken on as a -dock-hand. I had no luck there, and I was fair starvin' when yin day I -met a freend o' min' on the Dumbarton Road, and he asked me would I like -tae wash dishes and peel potaties on a passenger steamer. I would hae -been pleased tae soop the lums o' muckle Hell by that time, gin it was -for a wage, I was that thrawn wi' hunger; so I jist said, ''Deed ay!' - -"For a hale summer I sat peelin' potaties and washin' dishes on board -the Electra, her that has done a trip doon the watter, roond about Arran -and Bute, and hame by Skelmorlie ilka day o' the summer season for -twenty-twa years. When the winter cam' on I dooted I would be oot o' a -job again; but bein' nowadays permanently on the teetotal, and varra -dependable, I was shifted tae the auld Stornoway, o' the same line, -carryin' goods, cattle, and passengers tae the West Highlands--Coll, -Tiree, Barra, Uist, Ullapool, and a wheen places in and oot o' sea-lochs -up and doon that coast. She loused frae the Broomielaw every Thursday at -three o'clock in the afternoon, and she was back there, week in week -out, summer and winter, by eleven in the forenoon o' the following -Wednesday. The folk along by Largs, where her cap'n lived, used tae set -their watches by her. She was a fine auld boat, the Stornoway: she piled -herself up on the rocks below the Scuir of Eig, where she had no call -tae be, in a snowstorm seven winters syne. I was a cabin steward -nowadays, ye'll unnerstand; and once we were roond the Mull and the -passengers had thrawn up what they'd had tae their tea off Gourock and -tak'n a dander ashore at Oban, appetites was big and I was busy. It was -the first time I had seen the gentry at their meals, and it improved my -mainners considerable. Never since then have I skailed ma tea intil ma -saucer: I jist gie a bit blow on it noo. Yon's Mr. Allerton roarin' for -to be relieved at the wheel." - -On another occasion Goble explained how he came to forsake the fleshpots -of the Stornoway and take to the high seas. - -"I was aye hankerin', hankerin' after the machinery," he explained. "A -body canna serve tables all his life. So after twa years on the -Stornoway I shippit as a fireman on a passenger steamer outward bound -frae Glasgow tae Bilbao. There I left her, tae be second engineer on a -wee tramp carrying iron-ore tae the Mediterranean. That was nigh twenty -years ago, and I've never set fit in Scotland since. Weel, weel! Aha! -Mphm!" (_Ad lib._ and _da capo_.) - -So he would discourse, in a manner which passed many a weary hour for -both, and added considerably to Hughie's stock of human knowledge. - -The days wore on. The work and long hours were beginning to tell their -tale, but the entire crew kept grimly to it. Their nerves were in good -order too. Even when, on the morning of the sixteenth day, as they -groped their way through a streaming wet fog, a great ghostly monster of -a liner suddenly loomed out of the wrack, and, as she shouldered her way -past them, actually scraped the starboard counter with her stern, while -the look-out on her forward deck yelled frantically, and a frightened -man up aloft on the bridge flung his wheel over with great rattling of -steam steering-gear to avoid a collision, the sole occupant of the -Orinoco's deck--it was Goble: he was steering while Hughie and Walsh -took their turn in the stokehold and Allerton slept--did not deem the -occasion sufficiently important to merit a report until he was relieved -from duty two hours later. - -But this encounter provided that pawky philosopher with a valuable clue -as to their whereabouts. - -"She was a Ben liner," he intimated to Hughie in describing the event. -"I saw the twa bit stripes roond her funnel, and her name, Ben Cruachan, -on her stern. They're Glasgow boats, and sail every other Thursday tae -Buenos Ayres, calling at Moville on Lough Foyle tae tak' up Irish -passengers. It's no' near Cape Clear we are, anyway. We're somewhere off -the north coast o' Ireland, sir. I kenned fine we were near land: this -is a ground swell that's throwin' us aboot noo. Aiblins we'll be gettin' -a dunt against the Giant's Causeway if we're no' canny." - -There was something in Goble's conclusions, for after they had steamed -dead slow all night the rising sun licked up the fog; and there, -ten miles to the south of them, lay a long green seacoast; and -straight before them uprose what looked like a rocky island, with a -homely-looking white lighthouse perched half-way up its rugged face. - -"If that land to the right is Ireland," said Hughie, "we can't be very -far from Scotland. I wonder what that great rock ahead of us can be. -Lucky we didn't reach it a couple of hours ago!" - -"Don't you think," suggested Allerton, putting his head out of the -engine-room hatchway, "that as we have a _pukka_ Scot on board, we had -better rouse him up and see if he can identify his native land?" - -It was Goble's turn for sleep, but Allerton's suggestion was adopted, -and he was haled on deck. - -"Do you happen to recognise that island straight ahead, Mr. Goble?" -inquired Hughie. - -Goble surveyed the rock and the lighthouse, and though his countenance -remained unmoved, his eye lit up with proprietary pride. - -"Island? Yon's no' an island," he replied. "'Tis Scotland hersel'. Sir, -'tis the Mull o' Kintyre! It rins straight awa' back tae Argyllshire. -We're at the varra mouth o' the Clyde. We micht hae been drawed there -across the Atlantic by a bit string! God presairve us, it's a miracle!" - -"The Clyde?" shouted Hughie. It seemed too utterly good to be true. "Are -you sure, Goble? Is that really the Mull?" - -"Sure?" Goble's expression was a mixture of pity and resentment. "Man, -I'm tellin' ye I sailed roond it twice a week for the best pairt o' twa -years. I was awfu' sick the first time. The second--" - -All this time the Mull of Kintyre was growing nearer. - -"What's the course?" queried Walsh, leaning over the bridge. "Do I turn -up New Cut, Mr. Goble, or keep straight along the Blackfr'ars Road?" - -Everybody's spirits were soaring marvellously at the sight of the -blessed green land. Walsh's wife was within twenty-four hours of him. - -"Keep yon heap o' stanes on your left hand, ma mannie," replied the -greatly inflated Goble, facetiously indicating the towering headland -before them, "and then straight on Ailsa Craig. You're daen' fine. Mr. -Marrable, will you rin her up tae the Tail o' the Bank, off Greenock, or -gi'e a cry in at Campbeltown Bay? It's jist roond the corner." - -"Hang it! we'll take her all the way, now we have got so far," said -Hughie. "We're _home_! I _was_ reckoning on bringing up in Plymouth -Sound; but that's a detail. Come on, Allerton, let's go below and fire -up for the last time. We'll bring her in in style!" - -And so it came about that not many hours later the Orinoco, a rotting -hulk, clogged with weed, corroded with rust, caked with salt, feebly -churning up the water with her debilitated propeller, steamed painfully -but grandly past the Cloch Light and into the mouth of the Clyde. A -sorry object she may have seemed to the butterfly host of natty -paddle-steamers which was pouring down the river under the forced -draught of triple competition, carrying the Glasgow man, released from -office, to Dunoon and Rothesay and other summer repositories for wife -and family. But to those who _knew_, she was no uncleanly tramp, but a -battle-scarred veteran,--a ship that had deserved well of the Republic -of the high seas,--another little Golden Hind, though laden with nothing -nearer to Spanish ingots than bottles of imitation French claret. Every -scar on her sides was an honourable wound; every groan and creak that -rose from her starting timbers a pæan; every cough and wheeze that -proceeded from her leaky cylinders a prayer of joyful thanks. The -Orinoco had graduated high in the nameless but glorious band of those -who have illustrated, not altogether without profit and pride, the -homely truth that - - Life ain't holdin' good cards; - It's playin' a poor hand _well_! - -And so she turned the last corner of her long and painful Odyssey, and -came home to lay up her bones by the Clyde, which had given them birth. -And by a happy chance the unconscious Hughie, instead of navigating her -to the Tail of the Bank as he had intended, changed his mind, put over -his helm, and conned her up to the head of that beautiful Gareloch -which, many many years ago, had given the little ship her maiden name. - -There, swinging at her rusty cable, with the clear green water laving -her weary forefoot, and the hills above Roseneath and Shandon smiling -reassuringly down upon her in the glow of the evening sun, we will leave -her. _Molliter ossa cubent!_ - - * * * * * - -The law's delays are proverbial, and the task of getting even with Mr. -Noddy Kinahan involved Hughie in endless encounters with those in high -places, several appearances (with suite) in the abodes of the Law, and -another trip to New York--by Cunarder this time. - -However, grim determination will accomplish most things; and when some -months later Hughie finally sailed from New York for his native land, -the labour of love had been completed, and Mr. Noddy Kinahan was duly -regretting, for a term of years, the fact that he had ever been born. - -This consummation was followed by another, depressing but inevitable. -The Orinoco Salvage Company, having served its purpose, paid Nature's -debt and ceased to exist. The circumstances connected with its demise, -together with the respective fates of Hughie's little band of Argonauts, -will best be gathered from the following epistolary excerpts:-- - - No. I (N. B. _Spelling corrected_) - - c/o MISTRESS HOWIESON, - 17 CANDLISH STREET, GREENOCK. - - To H. MARRABLE, Esq.:-- - - SIR,--I thank you for cheque, and have disposed of same. I also - thank you for offer to find a job for me. But I would prefer to - bide by you, as I feel I will not get a better job than that. I - would like fine to be your servant. You will be needing some one - to redd up your quarters and keep your clothes sorted, now you - are ashore. (Women is no' to be trusted.) Of course I would not - want a big wage: the siller from the Orinoco will do grandly for - a long time. I ken fine the way to wait at table and clean - silver, having been steward, as I once telled you, on the old - Stornoway, where they had a cuddy full of gentry every - trip.--Your servant (I am hoping), - - JNO. ALEX. GOBLE. - - - No. II - - (_Extracts. No date or address, but obviously - written in a public-house_) - - ... So you must take the money back. It is no use to me: all I - should get out of it would be a d----d bad headache. Also, it - might give me ideas above my station, which is bad for the lower - orders at any time. Give it to Walsh; but don't let on, of - course, that it comes from me: let him believe that it is part - of his natural share of the salvage. I have kept back enough to - pay for a new suit (which I am now wearing) and one big bust - before I sail next week as deck steward on an Aberdeen liner. - - ... Well, it was a great trip. We have all got something out of - it. You have got an adventure and incidentally done a big thing, - and I have spent a month of absolute happiness in the society of - men who regarded me neither as an object of pity nor as a - monster of depravity, but were content to let me go my own way - as a man who prefers to live his own life and be asked no - questions.... Your offer to set me on my legs again and make me - a respectable member of society is friendly and, I suppose, - natural; but it threatens a happy episode with a sad ending. I'm - not cut out for conventionality, and (_pace_ your kind - references to my "sterling merit and latent force of character") - I am not of the stuff that successful men are made of. I have - only done two big things in my life. One was getting elected to - Pop at Eton, the other was helping you to bring the old Orinoco - home. I think I'll rest on my laurels now. I suppose I was born - a rotter, and if you were to endeavour to raise me to your giddy - heights I should only fall down again, and the bump at the - bottom might hurt. I am safer where I am: the beauty of lying on - the floor is that you can't fall off. - - ... Well, chin, chin! If I may be permitted to gush for a - moment, I should like to tell you that you are a good - sort.--Yours ever, - - LIONEL ALLERTON. - - - No. III - - No. 4 TEAK ST., LIMEHOUSE. - - DEAR SIR,--I beg to acknowledge with thanks your cheque for - share of salvage. It was far more than I expected, and the - Adm'ty C'ts have certainly done well by us. At the best, I had - hoped for suffic'nt to rig out the nippers with boots and duds - for the winter and give the missis a week or two off the laundry - work. We have all been fair barmy the last few days. Square - meals and a big fire, and you can't hear yours'lf talk for the - squeaking of the new boots. We are settling down a bit now, and - I have put the rest of the money in the bank and told the old - woman she is to burn her wash-tubs. Catch her: I d'n't think! - With my new clothes I have obt'd a berth as Chief on board s.s. - Batavia, of the Imperial Line, and sail on 21st inst. Her - engines are (_several lines of hopeless technicalities - omitted_). It was a lucky day for me when I struck the Orinoco, - and luckier when Angus doctored my grog. - - On returning from voyage will take the lib'ty of calling on you - in London at the address you gave.--Yrs. respect'fly, - - JAS. WALSH - (Chief Engineer s.s. Batavia). - - - Postscript (_In a larger and less educated hand_) - - MR. MARRABLE, DEAR SIR,--The children and me begs to thank you - for all your kindness to father. Father he is very greatful - himself, but would rather leave it to me to tell you, as he - don't like. Mr. Marrable, sir, if you could only see the - diff'nce in the children, espec'y little Albert, what was always - sickly, since they got good boots and food inside them you would - feel well paid for your kindness. I know the money did not come - from you, but it was through you we got it. God bless you, - sir.--Yours resp'fly, - - MRS. MARTHA WALSH. - - _P. S._--Our ninth, which has just come, we are taking the liberty - to call by your name. - - - - - BOOK THREE - - _SUAVITER IN MODO_ - - - - - CHAPTER XI - - SEALED ORDERS - - -On a bright morning in April Hughie emerged from the offices of Messrs. -Slocum, Spink, and Slocum, Solicitors, in Lincoln's Inn Fields, and made -for the Strand. - -Like most men who have been abroad for a long time, he trod the streets -of London with an oddly mingled sensation of familiarity and -strangeness. At one moment he felt that he had been living in London for -years, at another he felt that he was exploring a new city. The Strand -itself, save for the old congested stretch in the neighbourhood of -Charing Cross, was almost unrecognisable. Gone for ever were the various -landmarks of his youth, such as the Old Gaiety and the Lowther Arcade. -Holywell Street and Wych Street, with their delectable environs, had -vanished like a bad but interesting dream, leaving room for a broad and -stately thoroughfare, in the midst of which the churches of St. Mary and -St. Clement Danes split the traffic like boulders in a Highland spate, -and the Law Courts acquired an unfamiliar prominence. A new fairway of -uncanny width and straightness clove its course to Holborn, blocked at -its mouth by a dismal patch of excavated territory resembling nothing so -much as what Scotsmen term a "free toom," and proclaiming to all and -sundry, by means of a gigantic notice-board, that This Site was To Let -as a Whole. - -The traffic had developed too. There were countless motor-buses, which -shook the earth and smelt to heaven; and taxicabs, which skipped like -rams and quacked like ducks. - -But after all, though landmarks change their bearings and banks be -washed away, the stream flows on unchanged. The people were the same, -and Hughie felt comforted. The smell of asphalt was the same, and he -felt uplifted. And when he beheld the torrents of traffic that converge -on the Wellington Street crossing arrest their courses _seriatim_ and -pile themselves up in a manner that would have done credit to the waters -of Jordan, all at the bidding of an imperturbable figure in a blue -uniform, he felt that he was indeed home once more. - -Presently he hailed a taxicab, and whizzed along, exulting like a child -with a new toy, to a railway station, where John Alexander Goble, having -previously superintended the placing of his master's luggage in the -train (with a maximum of precaution on his part and a minimum of profit -on the porter's), was waiting to see him off. - -Hughie dismissed his retainer to take charge of his newly acquired flat -until his return, and having secured his seat, followed his invariable -custom and went forward to view the engine. He noted with interest that -compound locomotives seemed to have made little or no progress in the -country's favour, but that the prejudice against high-pitched boilers -and six-coupled wheels had disappeared. - -He then made his way to the refreshment room,--where alone, he noted, -Time's devastating hand appeared to have stood still,--and having -lunched frugally off something from under a glass dome which the -divinity behind the counter, in response to a respectful inquiry, -brusquely described as "fourpence," together with as much bitter beer as -remained after the same damosel had slapped its containing vessel -playfully down on the fingers of a pimply but humorous youth who was -endeavouring to tempt the appetites of two wizened sardines, exposed for -sale on a piece of toast, with a hard-boiled egg from a neighbouring -plate, returned to his seat in the train; where he was duly locked in by -a porter, who displayed an amount of cheerful gratitude for sixpence -that an American baggage-man would have considered excessive at a -dollar. Here, with a rug, a pipe, and a quantity of illustrated papers, -most of which had come to birth since he had left England, and all of -which appeared to depend for their livelihood on the exploitation of the -lighter lyric drama, Hughie settled himself for a comfortable run along -the Thames Valley. - -This done, he took two letters from his pocket. One had been opened -already. It was an obviously feminine production, and said:-- - - "MANORS, _Monday_. - - "DEAR HUGHIE,--We are all thrilled to hear that you are home at - last. You must come down here _at once_ and be our guest until - you have looked round, and then you can renew all our - acquaintances at one go. There are lots of nice people with us - just now, so come! You will be feeling lonely, poor thing, - landing in this country after so many years, and of course you - will miss poor Mr. Marrable sadly. I suppose you have heard all - about his death from the lawyers by this time, or perhaps you - saw it in the papers two years ago. - - "Mr. D'Arcy is here; also Joan, of course. My husband, too, - wants to have the pleasure of entertaining you--that is, if you - are prepared not to shoot him on sight! I don't _think_, though, - that I shall be able to command your regretful affections any - more. One look at me will be sufficient for you. Alas, I have - two chins and three babies! - - "However, come down on Saturday, and you can size us all up. I - suppose you know that Mr. Marrable asked us to take Manors and - look after Joan until you or he came home again; so you won't - play the heavy landlord and evict us on the spot, will - you?--Yours ever, - - "MILDRED LEROY." - -Hughie put this epistle away with a slightly sentimental sigh. It did -not seem so very long since he had been organising May Week festivities -in Miss Mildred Freshwater's honour. Now--two chins and three babies! -_Eheu, fugaces!_ - -The other letter had not yet been opened, and Hughie broke the seal. The -envelope looked blue and legal, and its contents consisted of several -pages of Jimmy Marrable's stiff upright handwriting. The date was nearly -three years old. - - "I am leaving England again"--it began--"next week, and I doubt - very much if I shall ever come back. It is not in the breed to - die in bed of something stuffy. The only tie that keeps me here - is Joey, and she is too much occupied at present in collecting - scalps to pay much attention to the old ruin who brought her up. - In about four years' time she may be fit to live with again: at - present she is not; and I refuse point-blank for the time being - to play second fiddle to any young cub who ever wore magenta - socks and a pleated shirt. I think it quite time that you came - home and took her in hand. Indeed, if you don't appear on the - scene within two years, I have given instructions that you are - to be ferreted out and asked to do so. When you do return you - will receive this letter, in which I am going to set down the - manner in which I wish my estate to be administered on Joey's - behalf if I don't come back. - - "In the first place, I must tell you that Manors goes to you by - entail, but that all the rest is Joey's, and you will be her - sole trustee and guardian. Lance is of age, and independent, and - I have disposed of things in such a way that he can't possibly - interfere with the management of Joey's affairs. Secondly, I - want to tell you something about the children themselves. - - "I am not their father, though I very nearly was, and though - every old shrew in the neighbourhood thinks I am. Their mother - was the most beautiful and lovable girl I have ever known, and - the only woman in the world I ever cared a rap for. Ours was a - boy-and-girl idyll, though I was ten years her senior. I had - known her ever since I could carry her on my back, and it was - always a sort of understood thing between us that we were to - marry each other when the time came. - - "Till she was nineteen and I twenty-nine, I suppose we were the - happiest couple under the broad heaven. Then she let down her - skirt and put up her hair and made her _début_. (I should say - that she lived alone with her old father, a retired East Indian - of the time of John Company.) To her own surprise and my great - pride--at first--she caused quite a sensation, for besides her - face she had the prettiest manners possible. If you want to know - what she was like you will find a miniature of her among my - papers. Or perhaps it would be simpler to look at Joey. - - "But now the trouble began. Irene--that was her name--soon - discovered an immense appetite for admiration, which was quite - natural and excusable. (One can't blame a girl for making all - the runs she can while her innings lasts; God knows, it is short - enough!) But presently she could not do without it. She was - always 'asking for it,' as they say nowadays. Sometimes she made - herself rather conspicuous, and people began to smile at her. I - ground my teeth, and, finally, at the least suitable moment, I - put my oar in. I expostulated. No, I _didn't_ expostulate: I - simply _ordered_ her to mend her ways, and generally acted the - Grand Turk and proud proprietor rolled into one. My word, - Hughie, she was furious! There had never been any definite - engagement between us, and she opened her defence by saying so, - pat. It happened at a ball, where she had been making herself - rather noticeable with a seedy ruffian--half actor, half - poet--called Gaymer, against whom I had been fool enough to warn - her. She informed me that she was her own mistress, and that I - was an officious busybody. If I had had the sense to tell her - there and then that I loved her more than all the world, and - that I was jealous of the very ground she walked on,--let alone - the people she spoke to,--she would have melted at once, I - swear; for she was as impulsive and generous as a child, and she - loved me, too, I _know_. If I had even lost my temper and called - her a brazen hussy, she would have forgiven me in time: a woman - regards a remark like that as a sort of compliment. _But_--I - smiled indulgently, shrugged my shoulders, and said that she - would look at these things differently when she was older. - - "That did it. Apparently there is only one crime in this world - more heinous than telling an old woman that she is old, and that - is to tell a young woman that she is young. Irene got straight - up and left me sitting, and went home without ever looking in my - direction again that night. - - "Next day I called at her father's house to make my peace. I was - prepared to admit that I had been an irritating young cub, and - eat humble pie generally. But I was too late. She was gone! She - had bolted, in some wild fit of pique or sentimentalism, with - that long-haired exponent of Byronism-and-water, Lance Gaymer, - and had married him at a Registry Office that very morning. - Probably she had fallen in with his proposals at the ball--after - her interview with me. - - "Well, Hughie, I would rather pass over the next few years. I - cut her out of my scheme of things as completely as I could, and - went on my way. Fortunately you began to engage my attention - about that time, and I rubbed along somehow, and finally - developed into the fine old crusted fogey that you know me to - be. - - "Ten years later I heard from her. She sent for me. I had never - known where she was, nor tried to find out. But I did not expect - to find her where I did. She was in a miserable dingy house in - Bloomsbury--dying, Hughie! Her ruffianly husband had left her - after her second baby was born,--our Joey, that is,--and her old - father had been dead eight years. She had not a friend in the - world, and yet she would not turn to me till it was too late. - Pride, pride, pride! For some years she had been struggling on - with a little money her father had left her, and which her - husband had not been able to get hold of, and she had also taken - in lodgers. _Lodgers_, Hughie! It was only when she realised - that she was going out for good that the thought of the kiddies' - future began to frighten her, and she sent for me--at last! - - "I was with her during most of the remaining three months of her - life, to the scandalisation of virtuous Bloomsbury. I wanted to - bring her to Manors, which she had often visited in her - childhood, but she said she preferred to die in London; and as - she was obviously going to die somewhere pretty soon, I did not - press the point. During that time we lived a life of almost - perfect happiness; and when she finally slipped away, quite - peacefully,--poor child! she was barely thirty-two,--and I took - the youngsters home with me, the long waste of years behind us - seemed almost as though it never had been, so completely had the - recollection of it been wiped out by the intervening three - months. Love can work marvels, Hughie, even though it come to a - man at the very last. - - "I may add that during the closing weeks of her life I had the - supreme satisfaction of marrying her, as we received undeniable - proof that her accursed husband had died in South America. This - gives me a sort of additional hold over Joey, though I have - never mentioned it to her; nor do I think it necessary, for I - had rather that her attachment to me remained a purely - sentimental one, for the present at any rate. - - "And now, as regards the future. As I said at the beginning of - this letter, I don't know whether I shall ever come back from - this trip. If I don't, well and good: Joey can take my money. If - I do, I am afraid I must request the use of it for myself for a - little while longer. However, you will naturally want me to fix - some sort of time-limit, and the question has been occupying my - attention a good deal. My original idea was to make a kind of - provisional will, leaving all my property to Joey, and entitling - her to come into possession automatically in the event of my not - returning within five years; but the lawyers tell me this - arrangement won't work, as I have to be _pukka_ dead before they - can shell out. So I have fixed it this way. For the present Joey - will want nothing but her daily bread and her fallals and a roof - to sleep under, as her so-called education is now completed. I - have therefore let Manors to the Leroys, on the understanding - that the child is to live there with them for the present. (Not - that they required much persuasion.) She is eighteen at the time - of writing this letter. - - "Further, I have realised practically all my personal estate, - and placed the cash to your credit (on Joey's behalf) at the Law - Courts Branch of the Home Counties Bank. When you come home, - which I hope will be soon, I want you to take this money and - administer it for her benefit. The rest of my property--nothing - to speak of in comparison--is set down and duly disposed of in - my will (which I have left in the hands of Slocum, Spink, and - Slocum, Lincoln's Inn Fields), and cannot be touched until my - death is authenticated. I have made you Joey's sole trustee and - guardian, and you will enter upon your duties as soon as you get - home. She is not to come of age, financially speaking, until she - is twenty-four. - - "That's all, I think. - - "Good luck to you in life, Hughie! I can't, I fear, take my - stand on the pinnacle of a successful career and shout down - advice to you on your way up; neither will I presume to counsel - you as to your future. My only piece of advice to you is not to - expect much in this world, and then you won't be disappointed. - Roughly speaking, there are only three things in life that - matter--health, money, and friends. A woman once told me that - the recipe for perfect happiness is a million pounds and a good - digestion. The last, I admit, is indispensable. Well, you have - it: the Marrable interior is dyspepsia-proof. The million pounds - you have not got, and don't want. Wealth, after all, is a purely - relative affair. You can measure it either by the greatness of - what you have or the smallness of what you want. All that a man - needs is enough of the first to ensure his getting the second, - and I am inclined to think that in your case this should not be - a matter of much difficulty. - - "Besides, it is in the _small_ needs of life that money really - counts. The yacht, the house in town, the grouse moor--who wants - 'em? But the cab home in the rain; the occasional bottle of - Pommery; the couple of stalls when an old friend looks you up, - or the furtive and sympathetic fiver when his widow does,--these - are the things that make money really worth having. Besides, the - greatest joys are those you have to save up for, so a - millionaire can never know them. - - "As for friends--well, there are two classes, men and women. Men - I need not trouble you about. If you haven't acquired the knack - of handling them during the last ten years you never will, and - are no Marrable. Women? I give it up! You can't standardise - them. Men are fairly normal as a class. If you deal straight - with a man he will realise and appreciate the fact, and though - he may not respond by dealing straight with you, he will at any - rate recognise you for what you are--a white man. But you can't - depend on a woman to do that. They are far stronger in their - likes and dislikes than we are, and are hopelessly capricious - into the bargain. My general experience--and it has been wider - than you might think--has been that, once a woman takes a fancy - to you, you may run counter to every canon of honesty, sobriety, - and common decency, and she will cleave to you--probably, I - fancy, because you arouse all the protective maternal instinct - in her. On the other hand, once you get into her bad books,--it - may be because you deserve it, but as often as not it is because - you have hot hands or once trod on her skirt in a - waltz,--nothing that you can do will prevent her shuddering at - the very mention of your name. Perhaps, from the point of view - of the greatest good of the greatest number, a woman's method of - sizing up the male sex is the best possible, but it comes hard - on well-meaning but heavy-handed men like us. - - "We Marrables have always been men's men, although we have the - profoundest reverence for women. (Perhaps that is the reason: a - woman never wants you to reverence women; she wants you to - reverence _her_.) What sticks in our throats is the enormous - amount of make-believe and shilly-shallying that has to go on - between the sexes before any definite business can be - accomplished. Whenever I see a Marrable in a drawing-room, - sitting on the edge of a chair and balancing a teacup, I always - know exactly what he is there for, and I also know that he is - dumbly resisting man's primitive instinct to pick up the right - girl and _run_. When that feat, or its equivalent, has been - accomplished, all is well: I have never known a Marrable who was - not a complete success as a husband. But they are bad starters. - - "Your father was an exception. He had the good luck to meet a - girl who knew a man when she saw one, and was willing to accept - the will for the deed when she found him unable to express - articulately what she would have loved to hear. By a further - stroke of good luck her parents objected to him, so he had a - comparative walk-over. - - "And therefore, Hughie, I counsel you to escape all future - unhappiness by marrying Joey as soon as you get home--a - consummation to which, as you will probably have gathered by - this time, the whole of these laboured and transparent - testamentary dispositions of mine are directed. I have left the - child entirely in your hands. Marry her as quickly as you can, - and then I shall know for certain, whatever my state of - existence at the time, that the two people whom I care for most - on earth are both booked for a life of perfect happiness. I - could not wish a man a sweeter wife or a woman a better husband. - - "Forgive my clumsy methods, but you know I mean well.--Yours, - - "JAMES MARRABLE." - -Hughie folded up this characteristic document and put it carefully back -in his pocket. Then he lit his pipe and reflected. - -He did not altogether agree with the tone of his uncle's letter, but he -knew in his heart that it contained a good deal of truth. He was ready -to marry and settle down, but like most of his race he contemplated the -preliminary reconnoitring, the manoeuvring for position, and the -elaborate enveloping movements which seem inseparable from a modern -matrimonial engagement, with something akin to terror. At the same time, -it seemed a tame thing to come home and marry a bread-and-butter miss -out of the schoolroom to gratify the shade of a departed relative. - -The train slowed down. They were approaching Midfield Junction, where he -must change. Hughie took his feet down from the opposite cushions and -knocked the ashes out of his pipe. - -"We'll see," he said. "I must have a look at Joey first. Pretty children -so often grow up plain. Perhaps it would be simplest to marry her, but -there's no hurry. I'm home for a rest, and I'm not going to bother -myself. I have roughed it for nine years. Now I'm going to settle down -and have an easy time of it." - -He was never more mistaken in his life. - - - - - CHAPTER XII - - A CHANGE OF ATMOSPHERE - - -Miss Joan Gaymer sat in a Windsor chair on the landing outside the -bathroom door at Manors. It was half-past eight in the morning--an hour -when traffic outside bathroom doors is apt to be congested. - -Miss Gaymer was wrapped in a bluish-grey kimono, which, whether by -accident or design,--I fear there is very little doubt about it, -really,--exactly matched the colour of her eyes. At the same time it -failed to conceal the fact--_horresco referens_--that she was still -attired in what American haberdashers call "slumber-wear." Her slim bare -feet were encased in red slippers, one of which dangled precariously -from her right big toe, and her hair hung down her back in two tightly -screwed but not unbecoming pigtails. At present she was engaged in a -heated altercation with two gentlemen for right of entry into the -bathroom. - -The only excuse that I can offer for her conduct is that, although she -was nearly twenty-one, in her present setting she looked about fourteen. - -The gentlemen, who wore large hairy dressing-gowns, with towels swathed -round their necks and mighty sponges in their hands, did not, it must be -confessed, show to such advantage as their opponent. They were -distinctly tousled and gummy in appearance, and their wits, as is usual -with the male sex early in the morning, were in no condition for rapier -work. They had both been patiently awaiting their turn for the bath when -Joan arrived, and they were now listening in helpless indignation to a -peremptory order to return to their rooms and stay there till sent for, -and not to molest an unprotected female on her way to her ablutions. - -"But look here, Joey," said one,--he was a pleasant-faced youth of about -nineteen,--"we were _both_ here before you; and you know we arranged -last night that you were to come at twenty past--" - -"Binks," commanded the offender in the Windsor chair, "go straight back -to your bedroom and don't argue with me. If you are good I'll give your -door a tap on my way back." - -But Binks was in no mood for compromise, and furthermore wanted his -breakfast. - -"It's not playing the game," he grumbled; "I was here first, Cherub was -second--" - -"_Who_ isn't playing the game?" flashed out Miss Gaymer. "Have you -_shaved_, Binks?" - -Binks, taken in flank, admitted the impeachment,--which, it may be -mentioned, was self-evident. "You haven't, either," was the best retort -he could make. - -"No, but I've brushed my teeth," said the ever-ready Miss Gaymer. - -"Well," pursued Binks desperately, "you haven't done your hair." - -"My lad," replied his opponent frankly, "if you were a woman and had to -put things on over your head, you wouldn't have done your hair either." - -Binks, utterly demoralised, fell out of the fighting line. - -"Joey, _I've_ shaved," murmured the second gentleman in a deprecating -voice. - -Miss Gaymer turned a surprised eye upon him. - -"_Why_, Cherub, dear?" she inquired. - -"Cherub," who was still of an age to be exceedingly sensitive on the -subject of his manly growth, blushed deeply and subsided. But his -companion was made of sterner stuff. - -"Come along, Cherub!" he said. "Let's run her into her bedroom and lock -her in until we've bathed. Hang it! It's the third time she's done it -this week." - -"Lay one finger on me, children," proclaimed Miss Gaymer, "and I'll -never speak to either of you again!" - -She made ready for battle by twining her feet in and out of the legs of -the Windsor chair, and sat brandishing a loofah, the picture of outraged -propriety. - -Her heartless opponents advanced to the attack, and seizing the arms of -the chair bore it swiftly, occupant and all, down the passage. Joan, -utterly unprepared for these tactics, was at first too taken aback to do -anything but shriek and wield the loofah; but shortly recovering her -presence of mind, she slipped off the seat, and, doubling round her -bearers, who were hampered by the chair, scampered back towards the -bathroom--only to run heavily into the arms of an unyielding, sunburned, -and highly embarrassed gentleman, who had been standing nervously on the -other side of the door of that apartment for the last five minutes, -awaiting an opportunity to escape, and had suddenly emerged therefrom on -a dash to his bedroom, under the perfectly correct impression that it -was a case of now or never. - -"Oh, I _beg_ your--Why, it's Hughie!" cried Joan. "Yes, it _really_ is!" - -They recoiled, and stood surveying each other. It was their first -meeting. Hughie, owing to a breakdown on the branch line, had arrived -late the night before, after the ladies had gone to bed. Joan and he had -not set eyes on each other for nine years. - -Miss Gaymer recovered her equanimity first. - -"You're not a bit changed, Hughie," she observed with a disarming smile. -"A little browner--that's all. Am I?" - -Hughie did not answer for a moment. He was genuinely astonished at what -he had just seen, and not a little shocked. Where young girls are -concerned, there is no greater stickler for propriety than your man of -the world; and this sudden instance of the latter-day _camaraderie_ of -young men and maidens had rather taken Hughie's breath away. He felt -almost as fluttered as an early Victorian matron. Suddenly he realised -that he had been asked a question. - -"Changed?" he said haltingly. "Well, it's rather hard to say, -until--until--" - -"Until I've got my hair up and more clothes on?" suggested Miss Gaymer. -"Perhaps you're right. Still, I look rather nice, don't you think?" she -added modestly, preening herself in the kimono. "However, you'll see me -at breakfast. Meanwhile I want you to hold those two boys back while I -get into the bathroom. Ta-ta, dears!" - -And with an airy wave of her hand to the unwashed and discomfited firm -of Dicky and Cherub, who stood grinning sheepishly in the background, -Hughie's ward slipped under her guardian's arm and disappeared into the -bathroom, with a swish of cærulean drapery and a triumphant banging of -the door. - -Half an hour later Hughie descended to breakfast, there to be greeted by -his host, Jack Leroy, a retired warrior of thirty-eight, of comfortable -exterior and incurable laziness, and his wife, the one-time render of -Hughie's heart-strings in the person of Miss Mildred Freshwater. Another -old friend was the Reverend Montague D'Arcy, whom we last saw dancing -the Cachuca by the waters of the Cam. Here he was, a trifle more rotund -and wearing Archidiaconal gaiters, but still the twinkling-eyed D'Arcy -of old. One or two other guests were seated at the table, but as -yet there was no sign of Joey. When she did appear, it was in a -riding-habit; and after a hearty meal, in no way accelerated by urgent -and outspoken messages from the front door, where her swains were -smoking the pipe of patience, she dashed off in a manner which caused -most of those who were over-eating themselves round the table to refer -enviously to the digestive equipment of the young, and left Hughie to be -entertained by his host and hostess. - -"You'll find her a queer handful, Hughie," said Mrs. Leroy, as she sat -placidly embroidering an infantine garment in the morning sun on the -verandah,--in the corner of which the current issues of the "Spectator" -and "Sporting Life," fully unfurled, together with two pairs of -perpendicular boot-soles and a cloud of cigar-smoke, proclaimed the fact -that the Army and the Church were taking their ease together,--"but I -want you to remember all the time that she is _sound_. You'll be tempted -to disbelieve that over and over again, but don't! She has been utterly -spoiled by everybody, and you must give her time to find her level -again. Left to herself, she would be as good as gold. I don't say she -wouldn't do something rather _outré_ now and then from sheer animal -spirits, but that doesn't count. She's young, of course, so she -can't--she can't be expected to--you know what I mean?" - -"Stand corn," remarked a voice from behind the "Sporting Life." - -"Thank you, dear: that's just it. You see, Hughie, men egg her -on,--they're all alike: Jack and Mr. D'Arcy are as bad as any,--and she -gets excited and carried away, and occasionally she does something -stupid and conspicuous. Five minutes later she is bitterly ashamed, and -comes and cries her heart out to me. People know nothing about _that_, -of course: all they do know is that she did the stupid thing, and they -call her a forward little cat and a detestable imp. Don't you believe -them, Hughie! - -"Then you'll find her absurdly impulsive and generous: you could have -the clothes off her back if you wanted them. The other day she came home -in floods of tears because of a story which a beggar-woman with a baby -had told her. It was the usual sort of story, but it was quite enough -for Joey. She had carried the baby herself for about two miles, and -given the mother all the money she had, and made her promise faithfully -to come and see me next day. Of course the woman never turned up, and -Joey's blouse had to be burned,--_oh_, that baby!--but that sort of -thing doesn't alter her faith in human nature. And she stands the -_great_ test, Hughie. She hasn't got one set of manners when men are -about and another when they are not. But she's a kittle creature. You -must be tender with her, and--" - -"Run her on the snaffle, old man--what?" corroborated the "Sporting -Life." - -Hughie blew through his pipe meditatively. - -"Seems to me, Mrs. Leroy," he said at length, "that I'm in for a pretty -thick time. Do you think she's at all likely to take to my present -methods, or must I learn some new tricks? Afraid I'm not much of a -lady's man. Still, Joey and I used to be great friends, once. Won't that -count for something?" - -"I'm not sure," said Mrs. Leroy. "You know how the young loathe being -thought young, or reminded of their youth? Joey is just in that frame of -mind at present. Because you were a boy of twenty-one when she was a -child of twelve, she may darkly suspect you of desiring to continue on -the footing of those days. Don't do that, for mercy's sake! For all -practical purposes you are much nearer to each other in age than you -were--" - -A chuckle reverberated through the peaceful verandah, and the -"Spectator" and "Sporting Life" converged for a moment as if to share a -confidence. - -"Jack," inquired Mrs. Leroy sternly, "what were you saying to Mr. D'Arcy -just now?" - -"Nothin', dear," said a meek voice. - -"Mr. D'Arcy, what was he saying to you?" - -Mr. D'Arcy took in a reef in the "Spectator" and replied suavely,-- - -"He made use of a sporting expression, dear lady, with regard to your -plans for our friend Marrable's future, which I was happily unable to -understand." - -"Jack," said Mrs. Leroy in warning tones, "people who put their oar in -uninvited get taken out for afternoon calls--in the brougham, with both -windows up!" - -The "Sporting Life" was promptly expanded to its full extent, and -silence reigned again. Presently Mrs. Leroy observed cheerfully,-- - -"By the way, Hughie, you are home just in time for a dance--the Hunt -Ball." - -Hollow groans burst from behind the newspapers. - -"Oh, look here!" said Hughie frankly. "I mean--not really?" - -"Yes: I promised Nina Fludyer to back her up and bring a 'bus-load of -people. Why don't you want to come?" - -"Well, for one thing I have only danced twice since I went down from -Cambridge. One time was at a Viceregal reception in Calcutta, and the -other was in Montmartre--under less formal conditions. I'll tell you -what--you and your house-party go to the ball and enjoy yourselves, and -your husband and I will keep each other company here--eh?" - -Captain Leroy put down his paper and said, "Good scheme!" in the loyal -but mournful tones of one who realizes that it is a forlorn hope, but -that one might as well have a shot for it. "In fact, dear," he continued -desperately, "I was thinkin' of takin' Marrable out that very night to -lie out for poachers. Old Gannet was tellin' me that the North -Wood--that is--" - -He observed his wife's withering eye, and became suddenly interested in -the advertisements on the back page of his periodical. - -"Jack," said Mrs. Leroy in a tone of finality, "on Tuesday night you put -on your best bib and tucker and come with us--that's flat." - -"All right, m' dear," replied her husband in a voice which said to -Hughie, "I was afraid it wouldn't work, old man!" - -"And why don't _you_ want to come, Hughie?" continued Mrs. Leroy, -suddenly turning on her guest. - -"Well, I am not cut out for balls," said Hughie. "Prefer the open air, -somehow." - -"If open air is all you want," remarked Mrs. Leroy grimly, "the Town -Hall at Midfield is the draughtiest building in the county." - -"Balls are dull affairs," urged the faithful but misguided Leroy, -"compared with the excitement and--er--suspense--" - -"If you want excitement and suspense," replied the inexorable Mrs. -Leroy, "dance the Lancers with Lady Fludyer--fifteen stone of -imperfectly balanced _blanc-mange_!" - -"And just a spice of risk--" - -"Risk? My dear boy, try the Ball Committee's champagne!" - -Captain Leroy, defeated at all points, once more subsided; but D'Arcy -took up the argument. - -"Joking apart, Mrs. Leroy," he said, "it's an awful thing to be a -supernumerary man at a dance in the country. You crawl in at the tail of -your party, and shake hands with the governess, under the impression -that she is your hostess. You are introduced to a girl, and book a -dance. You don't catch her name, so you write down 'Red hair and bird of -paradise' on your programme, and leave her. Of course you know nobody; -so, after booking a few more wallflowers, you still find a good deal of -time at your disposal. You can always tell a male wallflower. Women can -usually brazen it out: they put on an air which implies that they have -refused countless offers, and are sitting on a hard bench because they -like it." - -"They can't deceive the other women, though," said Mrs. Leroy. - -"Still," agreed Hughie, "they impose on men all right. But, as D'Arcy -says, a male wallflower is hopeless. He looks miserable, and either -mopes in a corner like a new boy at school, or else reads away at his -programme and peers about for a partner who isn't on it." - -"Why not try the smoking-room?" - -"The smokin'-room," interpolated Leroy, "is all right for the regular -Philistine. But if _I_ go there, I find it in possession of a bilious -octogenarian and a retired major-general. They are sittin' in front of -the fire with a cigar apiece. They glare at me when I come in, and then -go on buckin' to each other. Presently they stop, and one says: 'I -suppose you are not a dancin' man, sir,' in a way which implies that he -doesn't know what the devil young men are comin' to nowadays. And by -this time I'm so ashamed of myself that I simply bolt out of the room, -with some yarn about a brief rest between two dances, and go and sit -among the hats and coats in the cloak-room until it is time to go and -hunt up the next freak on my programme. Rotten job, I call it!" - -Mrs. Leroy surveyed the three orators with an air of serene amusement. - -"I _have_ roused a storm," she said. "But you are coming on Tuesday--all -three! Now, Hughie, I know Jack is dying to take you round the stables -and plantations. When you have smacked all the horses' backs and taken -the pheasants' temperatures, come in. I want to introduce you to my -offspring. You are fond of children, I know." - -"I know I shall be fond of yours, Mildred," said Hughie. - -"Thank you--that's nicely put. But they really are rather pets, though I -say it who shouldn't." - -"Rum little beggars," mused the male parent. "Bite your head off if they -see you havin' a sherry and bitters before dinner. Got a sort of -religious maniac of a nurse," he explained. "Been saved, and all that. -Save _you_ for tuppence, Marrable!" - -"She's a queer old thing," said Mrs. Leroy, "but such a good nurse that -her weaknesses don't matter much. The children are never sick or -sorry--wait till I tap wood! your head will do, Jack--and simply love -her." - -"I was pleased to learn from their own lips," remarked D'Arcy, "that -they have been enthusiastic teetotalers from birth, and are both ardent -supporters of Foreign Missions." - -"And the baby?" inquired Hughie. - -"Too young," replied Leroy; "but that doesn't excuse the poor little -sinner from havin' to wear a blue ribbon." - -"How does the nurse regard you, Leroy?" asked D'Arcy. - -"Lost sheep--hard case--bad egg generally," replied that gentleman -resignedly. "She's given me up, I'm glad to say; but she'll be on -Hughie's track in no time. Come along." - -In the joy of roaming round the familiar plantations and stables Hughie -allowed the existence of Mildred Leroy's offspring to fade from his -memory; and it was not until the party gathered for luncheon that he was -reminded of the introduction in store for him. - -The assembled company consisted of the host and hostess, D'Arcy, Hughie, -Joan, and the young gentleman previously referred to as "Cherub." The -others had departed on a sailing expedition. Joan had declined to go, -alleging that she must stay at home and entertain her "keeper," as she -had now christened Hughie; and Cherub had speciously pleaded a tendency -to _mal de mer_, and remained at home to steal a march on his rivals. - -The party was completed by two chubby infants of seven and five, in -large pinafores and short white socks, who were presented to -Brevet-Uncle Hughie as Theodora and Hildegard, though Hughie discovered, -after a brief experience of their society, that they answered without -resentment and much more spontaneity to the appellations of "Duckles" -and "Stodger" respectively. - -They were deposited--it seems the right word--in the dining-room by an -austere and elderly female, who groaned heavily at the sight of Captain -Leroy, and eyed Hughie with unconcealed distrust before withdrawing. The -small girls took their places one on each side of their mother, and sat, -like two well-bred little owlets, taking stock of their new uncle. -Presently their vigilance relaxed. It is a truism that teetotalers are -hearty eaters, and the consumption of what was placed before them soon -occupied the attention of Mesdames Duckles and Stodger to the exclusion -of all else, the latter exhibiting a particularly praiseworthy attention -to duty. - -Their sole contribution to the conversation was offered when Leroy -passed the claret to Hughie. - -"Wine," remarked Duckles severely, "is a mocker!" - -"Stwong dwink," corroborated Stodger, turning up the whites of her eyes, -"is raging!" - -The two ladies then groaned heavily in concert, and, having thus -contributed their mite to the redemption of a sinner, resumed their -repast. - -At the end of the meal the numbers of the company were augmented by the -arrival of John Marrable Leroy, aged two years--an infant whose -apoplectic countenance sadly belied the small piece of blue ribbon -inserted in his bib. Having taken his seat in his mother's lap, he -proceeded, after the manner of babies, to give his celebrated -entertainment. For the benefit of the company he obligingly identified -various articles upon the table, and then proceeded to give an -exposition (assisted by manual contortions) of the exact whereabouts of -the Church, the Steeple, the Door, and the People. After this, without -warning or apology, he deposited a nude foot in his mother's plate, -having in some mysterious manner got rid of his shoe and sock under the -table; and was proceeding to enumerate the respective marketing -experiences of a family of little pigs, when his mother, deciding that -it was high time this _séance_ came to an end, called upon him to say -grace on behalf of the company. - -John Marrable Leroy reluctantly ceased fingering his toes, and twisted -himself into a state of devotional rigidity. He then closed his eyes, -folded his hands, and breathed stertorously. All waited with devoutly -bowed heads for his benediction. - -"T'ank God--" began Master Leroy at length. - -There was another tense pause. - -"T'ank God--" repeated the infant despondently. - -Another hiatus. - -"'_For_'--dearest," prompted his mother. - -A smile of intense relief illuminated the supplicant's troubled -countenance. - -"--Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten!" he gabbled cheerfully; and the -meeting broke up in unseemly confusion. - - * * * * * - -It was a hot afternoon, and Hughie, who as yet was far from getting -tired of doing nothing, was well content to sprawl in a basket-chair -under a great copper-beech, and watch the others play croquet. - -Presently Joan, swinging a mallet, came and sat on the grass beside him. - -"Well, Hughie?" she began, regarding her comptroller rather quizzically. - -"Well, Joey?" - -Then they both laughed, or rather chuckled. The curious part about it -was that while Hughie laughed "Ha, ha!" deep down, Joey did the same. -Tee-heeing and high-pitched feminine shrieking were beyond her compass. -She was the Joey of old, with the same gruff voice, though she had got -over her difficulty with the _r_'s and _l_'s. - -"It seems rummy," observed Miss Gaymer reflectively, "my being put in -your charge like the guard of a train. Do you expect me to obey you?" - -"Yes," said Hughie. He felt he was missing an opportunity of saying -something bright and striking, but "Yes" was the only word he could -think of besides "No." - -"Oh!" replied Miss Gaymer enigmatically. - -"Don't you intend to?" inquired Hughie. - -"Well, it depends on what you tell me to do. If it was anything that -didn't matter much I might do it, sometimes, just to save your face. But -as a rule I shouldn't." - -"Oh!" said Hughie, in his turn. - -"I may as well tell you at once," continued the lady, "the things that -it's no use scolding me about. First of all, I always choose my own -friends, and never take recommendations or warnings from anybody. Then -you mustn't interfere with my dancing or sailing or riding, because I -love them better than anything in the world. Then, you mustn't try to -prevent my reading books and seeing plays that you think are bad for me, -because that sort of thing is simply not _done_ nowadays. And of course -you mustn't call me extravagant if I dress nicely. Also, you mustn't -expect me to go in for good works, because I hate curates. And don't -give me advice, because I loathe it. On the other hand, it may comfort -you to know--it does _most_ men, for some reason--that I don't want a -vote and I don't smoke cigarettes. Oh, the poor little mite!" - -She was on her feet and across the lawn in a flash, to where the obese -Stodger, prostrate upon a half-buried tree-root, was proclaiming to the -heavens the sorrow of a sudden transition from the perpendicular to the -horizontal. She comforted the child with whole-hearted tenderness, and -after taking her turn in the game of croquet, returned to Hughie and sat -down beside him again. - -"Well--what do you think of me?" she inquired suddenly. - -Hughie regarded her intently. - -"I don't know yet," he said. "I want to see a little more of you." - -"Most people," said Miss Gaymer with dignity, "make up their minds about -me at once." - -"I won't do that," said Hughie. "It wouldn't be quite fair." - -Joan pondered this retort and finally flushed like a child. - -"That means that you have taken a dislike to me," she said. - -"I didn't mean it that way," said Hughie, much distressed,--"really!" - -"Anyhow, it means that you haven't made up your mind about me," -persisted Joan. - -"That is true," admitted Hughie, who was no hand at fencing. - -"Well, do it soon," said Miss Gaymer. "I'm not accustomed to being put -on trial. I may mention to you," she added complacently, "that I am -considered a great success. Do you know what Jacky Penn told me?" - -"No; what?" inquired Hughie perfunctorily. He was beginning to -understand the inwardness of Mildred Leroy's warning that the girl -beside him had not yet found her feet. - -"He told me," said Joan, with an unaffected sigh of pleasure, "that the -men here all call me 'The Toast.' What do you say to that?" - -"A Toast," said Hughie rather heavily, "is usually 'an excuse for a -glass.' I shouldn't like to think of you merely as that, Joey." - -Miss Gaymer eyed her guardian with undisguised exasperation. - -"Hughie, you have got fearfully old-maidish in the last nine years," she -said. "Where have you been? In any decent society?" - -"Sometimes; but not often. Not what _you_ would call decent society, -Joey." - -"Well," remarked Miss Gaymer, turning her opponent's flank with -characteristic readiness, "whatever it was, it wasn't very particular -about clothes. Hughie, your get-up is perfectly _tragic_. If you are -going to be my keeper you will have to begin by dressing decently. I -don't know who your tailor is, but--Che-e-erub!" - -"What ho!" came from the croquet-lawn. - -"Come here, at once." - -Cherub obediently put down his mallet and approached. Having arrived, he -halted and stood to attention. - -"Cherub," commanded Miss Gaymer, "turn round and round till I tell you -to stop, and let Mr. Marrable see your clothes." - -Much flattered, Cherub rotated serenely on his axis for the benefit of -the untutored Marrable, while Miss Gaymer ran over his points. - -"Must I have a waist?" inquired Hughie meekly. - -"Yes--if you've _got_ one," replied Joan, surveying her guardian's -amorphous shooting-jacket doubtfully. - -"And purple socks?" - -"Green will do, old man," remarked the _mannequin_ unexpectedly. - -"Cherub, keep quiet!" said the _coutumière_. "You have absolutely -nothing whatever to recommend you but your clothes, so don't spoil it by -babbling. There, Hughie! That is the sort of thing. You must go up to -town next week and order some. Run away, Cherub! Now, another thing, -Hughie. Look at your hands. They're like a coal-heaver's, except that -they're clean. Can't you get them attended to?" - -Hughie surveyed his hands in a reminiscent fashion. They were -serviceable members, and had pulled their owner through many rough -places. At present the palms bore the mark of the Orinoco's -coal-shovels, and there was a great scar on one wrist where Hughie had -incautiously touched a hot bearing. There was also an incision in the -middle knuckle of the right hand, caused by the impact of Mr. Gates's -front teeth on an historic occasion. There were other and older marks, -and most of them had some interesting story attached to them. But of -course Joan did not know this. To her they were large, unsightly, -un-manicured hands--only that and nothing more. Hughie sighed. All his -old assets seemed to have become liabilities, somehow. - -"Aren't they a scandal, Hughie?" Joan repeated. - -"I suppose they are, Joey," said Hughie, coming out of his reverie. -"Right O! I'll get them seen to. I don't suppose they're ever likely to -be much use to me again," he added in a depressed tone, "so they might -as well be made ornamental. I'll go and consult Sophy Fullgarney about -them when I get back to town." - -"Who's she?" said Joey quickly. - -"Manicurist--before your time," said Hughie briefly, pleased to feel -that he could give points to his ward in knowledge of something. "Any -more requirements, Joey?" - -"Let me see. Oh, yes. Can you dance?" - -"Used to waltz," said Hughie cautiously. - -"Decently?" - -"I can get round a room." - -"Can you reverse properly?" - -"If a man reversed in my young days," said Hughie, "we used to regard -him as a bounder. Do they do it now?" - -"Yes, always. Can you do anything else?" - -"The usual things--Lancers and polka. Danced a reel once in Scotland." - -"Nobody dances the polka now, and I hate the Lancers. Can you two-step?" - -"Never even heard of it." - -Miss Gaymer sighed. - -"Never heard of the Boston, I suppose?" she said resignedly. - -"Never in my life," said Hughie. "Look here," he added, inspired by a -sudden hope, "perhaps it would be as well if I stayed at home on Tuesday -night--eh?" - -"_Quite_ as well," said Miss Gaymer candidly. "But I don't suppose -Mildred will let you off. You'll be wanted by the wallflowers." - -"But not by Joey, apparently." - -"I don't dance with rotters," said Miss Gaymer elegantly. "I am -practically booked up already, too. However, if you apply at once I -might give you _one_." She thought for a moment. "I'll try you with -number eight." - -"We had better not settle at present," said Hughie. "I should like to -have a look round the ballroom before I tie myself down in any way. But -I'll bear your application in mind." - -Miss Joan Gaymer turned and regarded her companion with unfeigned -astonishment. He was still sprawling, but his indolent pose of lazy -contentment was gone, and for a moment challenge peeped out of his -steely eyes. She rose deliberately from the grass, and walked with great -stateliness back to the croquet-lawn. - -Hughie sat on, feeling slightly breathless. He had just realised that he -possessed a temper. - -Presently Mrs. Leroy completed a sequence of five hoops and retired, -followed by the applause of an incompetent partner, to the copper-beech. - -She sat down opposite Hughie, and surveyed him expectantly. - -"Well, Hughie?" she said. - -"Well, Mildred?" - -"_Well_, Hughie?" - -"I think," said Hughie, answering the unspoken question, "that she -wants--_slapping_!" - -Mildred Leroy nodded her head sagely. - -"Ah!" she remarked. "I thought you would say that. Well, I hope you'll -do it." - - * * * * * - -Hughie reviewed the events of the day, _more suo_, at three o'clock next -morning, sitting with his feet on the sill of his open bedroom -window,--the bedroom of his boyhood, with the old school and 'Varsity -groups upon the walls,--as he smoked a final pipe before retiring to -rest. - -It was almost dawn. The velvety darkness was growing lighter in texture; -and occasionally an early-rising and energetic young bird would utter a -tentative chirrup--only to subside, on meeting with no encouragement -from the other members of the orchestra (probably trades unionists), -until a more seasonable hour. - -Hughie had sat on with D'Arcy and Leroy in the billiard-room long after -the other men--Joey's _clientèle_--had emptied their glasses and gone to -bed. There had been a "ladies' night," accompanied by fearsome games (of -a character detrimental to the table) between sides captained by Joey -and another damsel; and even after Mildred Leroy had swept her charges -upstairs there had been bear-fighting and much shrieking in the passages -and up the staircase. Then the younger gentlemen had returned, rumpled -but victorious, to quench their thirst and listen with respectful -deference to any tale that the great Marrable might care to unfold. (The -story of the Orinoco had gone round, though it had mercifully escaped -the notice of the halfpenny papers.) - -But Hughie had not been communicative, though he had proved an eager and -appreciative listener to 'Varsity gossip and athletic "shop." So the -young men, having talked themselves to a standstill, had gradually faded -away, highly gratified to find the great man not only willing but eager -to listen to their meticulous chronicles; and Hughie and D'Arcy and -Leroy, their symposium reduced to companionable limits, had compared -notes and "swapped lies," as the Americans say, far into the night. - -Hughie's impressions of the day were slightly blurred and confused--at -the which let no man wonder. He was accustomed to fresh faces and new -environments, but the plunge from yesterday into to-day had been a -trifle sudden. Last night he had driven up to the door of Manors a -masterless man, a superior vagabond, an irresponsible free-lance, with -hundreds of acquaintances and never a friend. In twenty-four hours this -sense of irresponsible detachment had gone for ever, and the spell of -English home-life had sunk deep into his being. He felt for the first -time that he was more than a mere unit in the Universe. He had turned -from something into somebody. He realised that he had a stake in the -country--the county--the little estate of Manors itself; and a great -desire was upon him to settle down and surround himself with everything -that is conveyed to an Englishman here and abroad--especially abroad--by -the word Home. - -Then there were the people with whom he had come in contact that day. -They were nearly all old friends, but they were old friends with new -faces. There was Mildred Leroy, for instance. He had half expected his -relations with that young matron, the past considered, to be of a -slightly tender and sentimental nature. Far from it. Her attitude to him -was simply maternal--as, indeed, it had been, had he realised the fact, -from the very beginning of their friendship. A woman always feels -motherly towards a man of her own age, and rightly, for she is much -older than he is. Occasionally she mistakes this motherly feeling for -something else, and marries him--but not often. Obviously Mildred Leroy -now regarded Hughie as nothing more than an eligible young _débutant_, -the chaperon's natural prey, to be rounded up and paired off with all -possible despatch. - -Then there was Joey. Twenty-four hours ago he had had no particular -views on the subject of his ward, beyond-- - -(1) The reflection that he would probably find her "rather a bore"; - -(2) An idle speculation as to whether, if expediency should demand it, -he would be able to bring himself to marry her. - -Well, twenty-four hours is a long time. He saw now quite clearly that -whatever Miss Gaymer's shortcomings might be, a tendency to bore her -companions was not one of them; and that if ever the other question -should arise, the difficulty would lie, not in bringing himself to marry -Joey, but in bringing Joey to marry him. - -Like a sensible man, he decided to let things work themselves out in -their own way, and went to bed. There he dreamed that Joey, attired in a -blue kimono and red slippers, was teaching him to dance the two-step to -a tune played by the engines of the Orinoco. - - - - - CHAPTER XIII - - _VARIUM ET MUTABILE_ - - -Hughie continued during the next few weeks to study the character of the -female sex as exemplified by his ward Miss Joan Gaymer, and some facts -in natural history were brought to his notice which had not hitherto -occurred to him. - -In her relations with her male belongings a woman does not expect much. -Certainly not justice, nor reason, nor common sense. That which she -chiefly desires--so those who know inform us--is admiration, and, if -possible, kindness, though the latter is not essential. The one thing -she cannot brook is neglect. Attention of some kind she must have. -Satisfy her soul with this, and she will remain all you desire her to -remain,--_toute femme_,--something for lonely mankind to thank God for. -Stint her, and there is a danger that she will drift into the ranks of -that rather pathetic third sex, born of higher education and feminine -superfluity, which to-day stands apart from its fellow-creatures and -loudly proclaims its loathing for the masculinity of man and its -contempt for the effeminacy of woman, but which seems so far only to -have cast away the rapier of the one without being able to lift or -handle the bludgeon of the other. - -Not that Miss Joan Gaymer ran any such risk. She was indeed _toute -femme_, and stood secure from the prospect of being cut off from her -natural provender. Her chief danger was that of a surfeit. She possessed -a more than usually healthy appetite for admiration, and there was never -wanting a supply of persons--chiefly of her own sex, be it said--to -proclaim the fact that in her case the line between appetite and -gluttony was very finely drawn indeed. There was some truth, it is to be -feared, in the accusation, for Joan was undoubtedly exhibiting symptoms -at this time of a species of mental indigestion--what the French call -_tête montée_ and the Americans "swelled head"--induced by an undiluted -diet of worship and homage. Appetite for this sort of thing grows with -eating, and Joan, like her mother before her, was beginning to think too -much of those who supplied her with the meat her soul loved and too -little of those who did not. And as those who did not were chiefly those -who had her welfare most nearly at heart, she was deprived for the time -being of a good deal of the solid sustenance of real friendship. - -She was a curious mixture of worldly wisdom and naïveté, and was frankly -interested in herself. She was undisguisedly anxious to know what people -thought of her, and made no attempt to conceal her pleasure when she -found herself "a success." On the other hand, she presumed a great deal -too much on the patience and loyalty of her following. She was always -captious, frequently inconsiderate, and, like most young persons who -have been respectably brought up, was desperately anxious to be -considered rather wicked. - -These facts the slow-moving brain of Hughie Marrable absorbed one by -one, and he felt vaguely unhappy on the girl's account, though he could -not find it in his heart to blame her. Joey, he felt, was merely making -full use of her opportunities. Within her small kingdom, and for her -brief term, she held authority as absolute as that, say, of a secretary -of state, nor was she fettered by any pedantic scruples, such as might -have hampered the official in question, about exercising the same; and -Hughie, who was something of an autocrat himself, could not but admit -that his ward was acting very much, _mutatis mutandis_, as he would have -done under similar circumstances. - -But as time went on and his sense of perspective adjusted itself, he -began to discover signs that beneath all her airs and graces and foam -and froth, the old Joey endured. She was a creature of impulse, and her -vagaries were more frequently due to the influence of the moment than -any desire to pose. She would disappoint a young man of a long-promised -_tête-à-tête_ on the river, to go and play at shop in a plantation with -the under-keeper's children. She would shed tears over harrowing but -unconvincing narratives of destitution at the back door. She was kind to -plain girls,--which attractive girls sometimes are not,--and servants -adored her, which is a good sign of anybody. - -She was lavishly generous; indeed, it was never safe for her girl -friends to express admiration, however discreet, for anything belonging -to her, for she had an embarrassing habit of tearing off articles of -attire or adornment and saying, "I'll give it to you!" with the -eagerness and sincerity of a child. - -And her code of honour was as strict as a schoolboy's--than which no -more can be said. A secret was safe with her. She had once promptly and -permanently renounced the friendship of a particular crony of her own, -who boasted to her, giving names and details, of a proposal of marriage -which she had recently refused. - -In short, Miss Joan Gaymer strongly resembled the young lady who in -times long past was a certain poetical gentleman's Only Joy. She -was sometimes forward, sometimes coy,--sometimes, be it added, -detestable,--but she never failed to please--or rather, to attract, -which is better still. - -Mrs. Jack Leroy spared neither age nor sex on the night of the Hunt -Ball. Her husband, Hughie, and the Reverend Montague D'Arcy--all -suffering from that peculiar feeling of languid depression which -invariably attacks the male sex about 9.30 P.M. when dancing is in -prospect--were hounded into pumps and white gloves, and packed into the -omnibus, which, after a drive of seven miles, during which the gentlemen -slept furtively and the tongues of Joan and her girl friends wagged -unceasingly, deposited the entire party of twelve on the steps of the -Town Hall at Midfield. - -Their numbers had been completed by some overnight arrivals. The first -two were Mr. and Mrs. Lance Gaymer. Joan's only brother had taken upon -him the responsibility of matrimony at the early age of twenty-two, -and the rather appalling young person who preceded him into the -drawing-room, and greeted Joan as "Jowey," was the accessory to the -fact. Why or where Lance had married her no one knew. He had sprung her -one day, half proudly, half defiantly, upon a family circle at Manors -which was for the moment too horror-struck to do anything but gape. -Fortunately Uncle Jimmy was not present,--he had departed on his voyage -by this time,--and it was left to Joan to welcome the latest addition to -the house of Gaymer. This she did very sensibly and prettily, though she -wept unrestrainedly upon the sympathetic bosom of Mildred Leroy -afterwards. - -For Lance's sake Mrs. Gaymer was accepted without demur. Whatever she -was or had been,--whether she had manipulated a beer-engine or -gesticulated in musical comedy,--there she was, and had to be -assimilated. No questions were asked, but she was religiously invited to -Manors at intervals, and Joan and Mrs. Leroy, when they went up to town -in the season, paid occasional state calls upon Mrs. Lance at her -residence in Maida Vale, where they drank tea in company with the -_alumnæ_ of the variety stage and the jug-and-bottle department. - -Lance himself was understood to be making a living out of journalism. He -looked considerably more than twenty-three. - -The third arrival was a Mr. Guy Haliburton, proposed for admission by -Mr. Lance Gaymer, seconded by Mrs. Lance Gaymer. He was full of -deference, and apologised with graceful humility for his presence. He -felt himself a horrible intruder, he said, but he had been assured so -earnestly by "old Lance" that Mrs. Leroy was in want of another dancing -man, that he had ventured to accept his vicarious invitation and come to -Manors. He was made welcome. - -Mr. Haliburton, on further acquaintance, described himself as an actor, -but Hughie, whose judgments of men--as opposed to women--were seldom -wrong, put him down unhesitatingly as a gentleman who lived, actor or -no, by his wits. He was a striking-looking personage of about thirty. He -had curly black hair and dark eyes, with dangerous eyelashes. He was -well dressed,--too well dressed for the country,--and one felt -instinctively that he was a good card-player, and probably objected to -cold baths and early rising. - -The Manors party were greeted in the vestibule of the Town Hall by Lady -Fludyer, self-appointed Mistress of the Revels. At present she more -nearly resembled a well-nourished Niobe. - -"My dear," she cried, falling limply upon Mrs. Leroy and kissing her -feverishly, "what _do_ you think has happened?" - -"Band not come?" hazarded Mrs. Leroy. - -"Worse! Not a man--not a subaltern--not a drummerboy can get away from -Ipsleigh to-night!" (Ipsleigh was a neighbouring military _depôt_, and a -fountain-head of eligibility in a barren land.) "They have all been -called out to some absurd inspection, or route-march, or manoeuvres, or -something, at twenty-four hours' notice. And they were coming here in -_swarms_! There won't be nearly enough men to go round now. Half the -girls will be against the wall all night! Oh, my _dear_, when I get hold -of the General--" - -Lady Fludyer's voice rose to a shriek, and she plunged wailing into a -dark doorway, like a train entering a tunnel. - -Mrs. Leroy turned to her shrinking cavaliers, with satisfaction in her -eye. - -"It's as well I brought the lot of you," she said. "Now get to work. -Jack, the first waltz with you, if you please." - -The ball was soon in full swing, though it was only too plain that men -were somewhat scarce. Hughie, much to his alarm, found his programme -full in ten minutes, and presently, bitterly regretting the stokehold of -the Orinoco, put forth into the fray with Mrs. Lance Gaymer, having -decided to do his duty by that lady as soon as possible, and get it -over. She addressed him as "dear boy," and waltzed in a manner which -reminded him of the Covent Garden balls of his youth, thereby causing -the highest and haughtiest of the county to inquire of their partners -who she might be. The word soon passed round that she was the wife of -young Gaymer. ("You remember, don't you? Rather an unfortunate marriage, -and all that. Barmaid, or something. However, the family have decided to -make the best of her. They'll have their hands full--eh?") Whereupon -fair women elevated their discreetly powdered noses a little higher, -while unregenerate men hurried up, like the Four Young Oysters, all -eager for the treat, and furtively petitioned Lance Gaymer to introduce -them to his wife. - -On entering the ballroom Joan Gaymer, serenely conscious of a -perfectly-fitting new frock and her very best tinge of colour, took up -her stand at her recognised "pitch" beside the end pillar on the left -under the musicians' gallery, and proceeded to fill up the vacancies -caused in her programme by the defection of the dancing warriors from -Ipsleigh. Among the first applicants for the favour of a waltz was Mr. -Guy Haliburton. - -"All right--number two," said Joan. - -Haliburton wrote it down, and asked for another. - -"I'll see how you waltz first," said Miss Gaymer frankly. -"Then--perhaps! I am rather particular." - -The music had risen to her brain like wine, and she was in what her -admirers would have called her most regal, and her detractors her -most objectionable, mood. Mr. Haliburton, however, merely bowed -reverentially, and made way for an avalanche of Binkses and Cherubs, -with whom Joan, babbling at the top of her voice and enjoying every -moment of her triumph, booked a list of fixtures that stretched away far -into to-morrow morning. - -The waltz with the fascinating Haliburton proved so satisfactory,--in -point of fact, he was easily the best dancer in the room,--that Joan -immediately granted him two more. It was characteristic of her that she -declined to take the floor again until the unfortunate gentlemen at -whose expense Haliburton was being honoured had been found, brought to -her, and apprised of their fate. They protested feebly, but Joan swept -them aside in a fashion with which they were only too familiar. - -"Run way, chicks," she said maternally, "and get fresh partners. There -are heaps of nice girls to spare to-night. Look at that little thing -over there, with the blue eyes, and forget-me-nots in her hair. Get -introduced to her--she's perfectly _lovely_. Worth six of me, any day. -Trot!" - -But the two young men, refusing to be comforted, growled sulkily and -elbowed their way outside, to console each other for the fragility of -petticoat promises, and fortify themselves against any further slings -and arrows of outrageous Fortune of a similar nature, in the refreshment -room. - -Still, the girl to whom Joan had directed their attention was well worth -notice. She stood near the door, a slim, graceful, and somehow rather -appealing little figure. Her hair was the colour of ripe corn, her eyes, -wide and wondering, were as blue as the forget-me-nots in her hair, and -her lips, to quote King Solomon upon a very different type of female, -were like a thread of scarlet. She wore a simple white frock, and -carried in her hand the bouquet of the _débutante_. - -Joan swung past her in the embrace of the ever-faithful Binks. - -"That child is a perfect dream," she said to herself, "but her mouth is -trembling at the corners. I wonder if some man has forgotten to ask her -to dance. I should think--" - -At this point in her reflections she was whirled heavily into the orbit -of a reversing couple, and the ensuing collision, together with the -enjoyment of exacting a grovelling apology from the hapless Binks (who -was in no way responsible for the accident), drove further cogitations -on the subject of the girl with the forget-me-nots out of her head. - -About midnight Joan slipped upstairs to what her last partner--a -mechanically-minded young gentleman from Woolwich--described as the -repairing shop, to make good the ravages effected by the Lancers as -danced in high society in the present year of grace. - -The music for the next waltz was just beginning when she returned to her -pillar. No eager partner awaited her, which was unusual; and Joan -glanced at her programme. She bit her lip. - -"Number eight," she said to herself. "Joey, my child, he has scored you -off--and you deserve it!" - -This cryptic utterance had reference to Mr. Hugh Marrable, to whom it -may be remembered this particular dance had been offered, much as a bone -is thrown to a dog, on the lawn at Manors three days before. - -Hughie's subsequent demeanour had piqued his ward's curiosity. He had -made no further reference to number eight, neither had he made any -attempt during this evening to come up and confirm the fixture. In fact, -he had not asked Joan for a dance at all, with the consequence that Miss -Gaymer, who, serenely confident that her guardian would come and eat -humble pie at the last moment, had kept number eight free, now found -herself occupying the rather unusual _rôle_ of wallflower. What was -more, she knew she would be unable to pick up a partner, for every -available man was being worked to the last ounce, and pretty girls still -sat here and there about the room, chatting with chaperons and -maintaining a brave appearance of enjoyment and _insouciance_. - -"I'm not going to let Hughie see me propping a wall _this_ dance," said -Joan to herself with decision. "He would think I had been keeping it for -him. What shall I do? Go back to the cloakroom? No; it is always full of -girls without partners pretending they've just dropped in to get sewn -up. I'll go to the Mayor's parlour and sit there. It's never used at -these dances." - -Making a mental entry on the debit side of her missing partner's ledger, -Miss Gaymer retired unostentatiously from the ballroom, and turned down -an unlighted passage, which was blocked by a heavy screen marked -"Private," and encumbered with rolls of carpet and superfluous -furniture. - -The darkened passage was comfortably cool and peaceful after the blaze -and turmoil of the field of action, and apparently had not been -discovered by couples in search of seclusion. Joan was approaching the -end, where she knew the door of the Mayor's parlour was situated, when -she became aware of a certain subdued sound quite near her. It was a -sound well calculated to catch the ear of one so tender-hearted as -herself. Some one was sobbing, very wretchedly, in the darkness within a -few feet of her. - -Joan stopped short, a little frightened, and peered about her. Her eyes -were growing accustomed to the gloom, and presently she beheld a glimmer -of white almost at her knee. The glimmer outlined itself into the form -of a filmy ball-dress. - -Joan tackled the situation with her usual promptitude. - -"I say," she said, "what's the matter? Let me help you." - -The sobbing ceased, and the white figure sat up with a start. - -"If you don't mind," continued Joan, "I'm going to turn up this electric -light." - -There was a click, and the rays of a single and rather dusty -incandescent lamp illuminated the scene, and with it the slender figure, -seated forlornly on a roll of red carpet, of the little lady of the -forget-me-nots. - -Her face was flushed with sudden shame, for her shoulders were still -heaving, and her cheeks glistened with tears, the which she dabbed -confusedly with a totally inadequate scrap of pocket handkerchief. - -Joan, regardless of her new frock, was down upon the dusty roll of -carpet in a moment. She put her arm round the girl. - -"My dear," she said authoritatively, "what is it? Tell me." - -The girl told her. It was a simple story, and not altogether a novel -one, but it contained the elements of tragedy for all that. - -This was her coming-out ball. She pointed to her discarded bouquet lying -on the grimy floor. Her father had put it into her hand, and hung a -little enamel pendant round her neck, and given her a kiss,--she told -her story with all a child's fidelity to detail,--and had despatched her -in her brother's charge, with admonitions not to break too many hearts, -on the long fourteen-mile drive to Midfield,--a period occupied in -ecstatic anticipations of the event to which she had been looking -forward ever since she had put her hair up. - -Her brother, on their arrival, had booked one dance with -her,--subsequently cancelled with many apologies on the ground that he -had just met a girl whom he simply _must_ dance with,--and introduced -her to two young men whose programmes were already full; after which he -had plunged into the crowd, comfortably conscious that his duty had been -done, leaving his sister to stand, smiling bravely, with tingling feet -and her heart in her throat, from half-past nine until a quarter-past -twelve. The music was pulsing in her ears, youth and laughter were -swinging easily past her--even brushing her skirt; and she was utterly -and absolutely alone. She was just eighteen; she was the prettiest girl -(with the possible exception of Joan Gaymer) in the room; it was her -first ball--and not a man had asked her to dance. A small matter, -perhaps, compared with some, but men have blown out their brains for -less. - -Long before she had sobbed out all her pitiful little narrative her head -was on Joan's shoulder, and that mercurial young person, oblivious of -everything save the fact that here was a sister in distress, was -handling the situation as if she were twenty years her companion's -senior instead of two. - -"I stood it for nearly three hours," said the girl apologetically, "and -then I--I came here." - -"Well, my dear," said Joan with decision, "you aren't going to stay here -any longer. You are coming straight back to the ballroom with me." - -"I can't," replied the girl,--"I couldn't _bear_ it!" - -"You are coming back to the ballroom with me," repeated Miss Gaymer -firmly. "There are sixteen dances to go yet, and you are going to dance -the soles of your slippers through, my child!" - -"You are awfully kind," said the girl wistfully, "but you won't be able -to find me a partner now." - -"I can find you sixteen," said Joan. - -The child turned wondering eyes on her, and asked a question. - -"Me? Oh, I shall have a rest: I want one," replied Miss Gaymer, -_splendide mendax_. "In fact, it will be a charity on your part to take -them. They're all stupid, and they can't dance." - -But the girl shook her head. - -"You're a dear to suggest it," she said, "but it wouldn't do. Think how -angry they would be, having booked a dance with Miss Gaymer, and only -getting--" - -"Do you know me?" asked Joan in surprise. - -"Everybody knows you," said the girl. - -Joan flushed rosily. It was a compliment after her own heart. - -"I say, what's _your_ name?" she asked. - -"Sylvia Tarrant." - -Joan nodded. "I know now," she said. "You live near Gainford." - -The Tarrants were new-comers. Sylvia's father was a retired sailor and a -widower, and had but lately settled in the district, which would account -for his daughter's want of acquaintance. - -"Yes," said Sylvia. "But really, I could not take your partners. They'd -be furious at getting me instead of you." - -Miss Gaymer turned and scrutinised the face and figure beside her. - -"All you want, my child," she said, "is a _start_. After to-night you'll -never be left alone for two seconds at any ball you care to go to. In -fact, I don't see how I shall ever be able to get any partners at all," -she added plaintively. - -At this idea the girl laughed and looked happier, which was just exactly -what Joan meant her to do. Her spirit was returning. - -Joan rose briskly. - -"Now, Sylvia," she said, "I'm going to leave you for two minutes, -because I want to find a man to send round and tell all my partners that -you've agreed to take them on. Then I'll come back and get you started. -Just put yourself straight. There's a loose end of hair here: I'll roll -it up. There! Your eyes are getting better every minute. Give your skirt -a shake out, and have a look at yourself in that mirror, and you'll be -simply perfect. So long!" - -"There's somebody coming," said Sylvia, turning from her toilet and -looking over her shoulder. - -A masculine form filled the passage. It was Hughie, who, deprived of a -partner through Joan's absence,--the result of standing on his dignity -in the matter of number eight,--was prowling about in search of a quiet -spot where he might indulge in the luxury of a pipe. - -Joan, who had forgotten all about number eight, received him with -unfeigned pleasure, and hurried him back whence he came. On the way she -breathlessly explained the situation to him. - -"Hughie, that poor child has come here not knowing a soul, and has stood -against the wall for three hours. There isn't a partner to be had for -love or money at this hour, so she must just have mine. Take my -programme--wait a minute, I'll fill in some of these initials--and go -round to all the men whose names are on it, and tell them I'm very sorry -but I've got a headache and can't dance any more to-night, but they're -to come to me at once at my pillar and be introduced to a substitute -I've provided for them." - -"Do you think they'll exactly--_jump_ at the idea of a substitute?" -suggested Hughie mildly. - -"Their business," said Miss Gaymer with a sudden return to her usual -manner, "is to do what I tell them! Run, Hughie. Don't say a word about -the poor kid not having been able to get partners, will you? Say she -came late--anything! You understand?" - -Hughie nodded. - -"I understand," he said. "She came late, and you have a headache. Those -are the two essential facts of the case--eh?" - -"Yes. Hurry!" said Joan, giving her guardian a push. - -"Joey," said Hughie, "you're a brick!" - - * * * * * - -Half an hour later the members of the Midfield Hunt Ball were -electrified to behold Miss Joan Gaymer sitting between two comatose and -famished chaperons, watching the dancers with indulgent eye, and -generally presenting the appearance of one whose time for these follies -is overpast. - -Then heads began to turn in another direction. People were asking one -another who the little thing with the forget-me-nots might be, who -danced like a fairy, and appeared to have made a "corner" in all Miss -Gaymer's usual admirers. Had her appearance anything to do with Miss -Gaymer's retirement? A case of pique--eh? Heads wagged sagely, and -eyebrows were elevated. Poor Joan! Like all the great ones of the earth, -she had her detractors. - -Sylvia herself was lost in the clouds by this time. When not engaged in -obeying Joan's mandate to dance the soles of her slippers through, she -was granting interviews to obsequious young men, who surged round in -respectful platoons and hoped that, though disappointed on this -occasion, they might have the pleasure at the County Bachelors' on -Thursday fortnight. - -Never was there such a triumph. The girl, radiant and fluttering, smiled -and blushed and wrote down hopeless hieroglyphics on the back of her -programme, while Miss Joan Gaymer, the deposed, the eclipsed, sat -contentedly by and realised to the full the truth of her own dictum that -all Sylvia Tarrant wanted was a start. - -Later in the evening the watchful eye of Hughie Marrable detected the -fact that Joan had disappeared from amid the concourse of matrons, and -he speculated as to where she might be. He himself was enjoying a brief -period of freedom, his partner for the moment having pleaded urgent -private repairs and vanished to the regions above, and the idea had -struck him that Joan might be going supperless. - -A brief scrutiny informed him that she was neither in the ballroom nor -the supper-room. Then an inspiration seized him. Waiting for a -comparatively quiet moment, he paid a hasty visit to the latter -apartment, and having levied a contribution upon the side-table, slipped -furtively round the big screen and down the dark passage. - -His instincts had not failed him. Miss Joan Gaymer was sitting -peacefully upon the roll of red carpet. Her head was lying back against -the wall, and the rays of the dusty electric light glinted upon her -coppery hair. Her eyes were closed, but she opened them at Hughie's -approach, blinking like a sleepy Dryad. - -"Hallo, Hughie!" she observed. "You nearly won a pair of gloves that -time. Long evening, this!" - -Hughie began to deposit articles on the floor. - -"Supper," he observed briefly. - -He laid out a plate of mayonnaise, another of trifle, a bottle about -half-full of champagne, and a tumbler. - -"Hughie," said Joan, "you're the only real friend I have in the world! I -was nearly _crying_ for something to eat. That, and seeing other people -dance and not me. Hughie, it was simply awful! I had no idea: if I had -sat there much longer I should have burst into tears. I'd forgotten, -too, that by giving away all my partners I was giving away my supper. If -I'd remembered I would have kept just one--a little one. But never mind, -now: the plague is stayed. I owe you one for this. How did you manage to -carry all those things?" - -"Large hands," said Hughie. "Half a minute!" - -He produced from his tail-pocket two forks, a napkin, and a bottle of -soda-water. - -"I remembered you liked your drink diluted," he said, pouring out both -bottles at once. "I noticed it at dinner, the other night." - -"Hughie, you're a dear!" said Joan impulsively. - -"Say when!" remarked Hughie unsteadily. - - * * * * * - -It was five o'clock in the morning. The band had played "Whisper and I -shall hear," followed by "John Peel," followed by "God save the King," -followed by "John Peel," once more, followed by "God save the King" -again, and the musicians were now putting away their instruments with an -air of finality which intimated that in their humble opinion the -Midfield Hunt Ball had had its money's worth. - -The Manors party, all twelve of them, were being scientifically packed -into an omnibus constructed to seat ten uncomfortably, and Joan was -waiting her turn in the portico. At this moment Sylvia Tarrant, followed -by a slightly sheepish brother, came down the steps. Her cheeks were -excessively pink and her eyes blazed. - -She saw Joan, and stopped. - -"I was afraid I was going to miss you," she said. "Good-night!" - -"Good-night!" said Joan. - -The little girl--she was a head shorter than Joan--placed her hands upon -her new friend's shoulders, and stood on tiptoe. - -"I should like to kiss you," she said shyly. - -"Oh, my dear!" said Joan, quite flustered. "Of course--if you like. -There!" - -She was unusually silent all the way home, and when they reached Manors -said good-night to Mrs. Leroy and flitted upstairs to her room. The rest -of the party dispersed ten minutes later, and Hughie was left alone with -his host and hostess. - -"I have never known that child have a headache before," said Mrs. Leroy -rather anxiously, as Hughie lighted her candle. "I hope there's nothing -wrong." - -"She's as right as rain," said Hughie. "She gave up all her -partners--every man Jack of them--I mean--I'm sorry! I don't think she -meant me to tell--" - -"You may as well finish now," said Mrs. Leroy composedly. - -Hughie did so. Mrs. Leroy nodded. - -"It was like her," she said softly, "especially telling you to keep -quiet about it. A good many women might have given up their dances, but -very few could have resisted the temptation to make capital out of their -generosity. Never tell me again, miserable creature," she continued, -turning suddenly upon her comatose spouse, "that a woman is incapable of -doing a good turn to another woman!" - -"Cert'nly, m'dear," replied Captain Leroy, making a desperate effort to -close his mouth and open his eyes. - -"But of course," broke in Hughie unexpectedly, "there are precious few -women like Joey." - -Then he bit his lip, and turned a dusky red. - -Mrs. Leroy, being a woman, took no outward notice, but her husband, who -was a plain creature, turned and regarded his guest with undisguised -interest. - -"What _ho_!" he remarked, wagging his sleepy head. - -"Good-night, old man!" said Hughie hurriedly. - - - - - CHAPTER XIV - - BUSINESS ONLY - - -Next morning Hughie made Miss Joan Gaymer a proposal of marriage. - -It was not an impressive effort--very few proposals are. But a -performance of this kind may miss the mark as a spectacle and yet, by -the indulgence of the principal spectator, achieve its end. Even thus -Hughie failed, and for various reasons. - -In the first place, he proposed directly after breakfast, which, as Joey -pathetically observed to Mrs. Leroy long afterwards, was just the sort -of brutal thing he would do. A woman, especially if she be young, likes -to be won, or at any rate wooed, in a certain style. A secluded spot, -subdued light, mayhap a moon; if possible, distant music--all these -things tell. If Hughie had paid a little more attention to stage-effects -of this kind he might have found his ward more amenable. Being a -Marrable, he brushed aside these trappings and came straight to what he -fondly imagined was the point, little knowing that to a young girl -romance and courtship make up one great and glorious vista, filling the -eye and occupying the entire landscape, while marriage is a small black -cloud on the distant horizon. - -His actual method of procedure was to sit heavily down beside his ward -as she enjoyed the morning sun in a corner of the lawn, and say,-- - -"Joey, I want to talk to you--on business." - -"All right, warder," replied Miss Gaymer meekly; "fire away!" - -"I suppose you know," said Hughie, a little dashed, "that all your -affairs have been left in my hands?" - -"I do, worse luck!" said Miss Gaymer frankly. "And that reminds me, -Hughie dear, I should like a trifle on account. You won't refuse poor -Joey, will you?" - -She squeezed her guardian's arm in a manner which a Frenchman would have -described as _très câline_. - -"I think I had better put you on an allowance," said Hughie. - -Joan's eyes danced. - -"Oh, you _ripper_! How much?" - -"Can't say," replied Hughie, "until I've been up to town and seen the -bankers." - -"When are you going?" - -"To-morrow: that's why I wanted to talk to you to-day. You see, your -money is in two parts, so to speak. One lot is tied up in such a way -that it can't be touched until poor Uncle Jimmy's death is actually -proved." - -Joan's blue-grey eyes were troubled. - -"Hughie," she said, "is there _any_ hope? I still like to think so." - -Hughie shook his head. "Not much," he said. "In fact, none. It is known -that he went with that crack-brained expedition of Hymack's up the -Congo,--to study the Rubber Question on the spot,--and the last letter -he sent home said that he was suffering from black-water fever, and it -is also known that the expedition came back without him. And--all that -was two years ago, Joey." - -Joan nodded her head submissively. - -"Poor Uncle Jimmy!" she said softly. - -"Still," continued Hughie stoutly, "you never know. I have sent a man -out to make inquiries, and if he fails, perhaps I shall go myself. But -until we learn something definite the will can't be proved. However, he -left me very full instructions what to do in case he did not come back, -so I must carry them out. There is plenty for you to go on with. I shall -run up to town to-morrow, and when I come back I'll let you know how -much it is, and how much a year I can allow you." - -Miss Gaymer clasped her hands and sighed happily. - -"We _will_ have a time, Hughie!" she said. "I'll stand treat." - -"Thank you," said Hughie gravely. - -There was a long silence. Hughie, suddenly ill at ease,--he had arrived -at Part Two of his morning's syllabus,--made fatuous attempts to roll a -cigarette. His ward sat with a rapt expression in her widely-opened -eyes, mentally visualising a series of charitable enterprises (ranging -from a turquoise pendant for Mildred Leroy to a new cap for the cook) -made feasible by the sudden prospect of wealth. - -Presently Hughie cleared his throat in a heart-rending manner, and said, -in what he afterwards admitted to himself was entirely the wrong sort of -voice,-- - -"Joey, I think you and I had better marry one another." - -Miss Gaymer, who was more used to this sort of thing than her companion, -turned and eyed him calmly. - -"And why?" she asked. - -There was only one possible answer to this question, and Hughie should -have given it with the full strength of his heart and soul and body. -But--well, reserve is a curious and paralysing thing. All he said was,-- - -"I think it would be very suitable; don't you?" - -"For you or for me?" inquired Miss Gaymer. - -"For both of us," replied Hughie. "No--for me!" he added, his habitual -modesty getting the better of him. - -"In what way?" continued Miss Gaymer, with unnatural calm. - -"Well--Uncle Jimmy was very keen about it," said Hughie desperately. - -"You're a dutiful nephew, Hughie," observed Joan approvingly. - -"And then," continued the suitor, "as I have been made your guardian, -and all that, I think I am in a position to take care of you, and look -after your money, and so on." - -"You mean it would make it easier for you to manage my affairs?" said -Miss Gaymer helpfully. - -"Yes," said Hughie, feeling that he was getting on. - -"Any more reasons?" inquired Miss Gaymer, with a docile appearance of -intelligent interest. - -Hughie made an immense effort, and grasped his chair until the veins -stood out on his hands. _Parturiunt montes_--at last. - -"Well, Joey," he said at last, "we have always been pals, and all that. -I mean, we have known each other for a long time now, haven't we? You -even offered to marry me once,"--he laughed nervously,--"when you were a -kiddie. Do you remember? It seems to me we should get on first-rate -together--eh? What's your opinion?" - -_Ridiculus mus!_ - -Miss Gaymer sat up in her chair, and turned upon the unfortunate young -man beside her. - -"And you _dare_," she said, "to come to a girl like me with a proposal -like that! You sit there and tell me that you have taken me over from -Uncle Jimmy like a--like a parcel from a porter, and that you have been -saddled with my money and affairs, so perhaps it would be simplest and -save trouble if you married me! _Me!_" she repeated, "who have to keep -men off with a stick!" - -The last sentence was a mistake. It was an inartistic and egotistical -climax to a perfectly justifiable tirade. Joan realised the fact the -moment she had uttered the words, but poor Hughie was too much occupied -in retiring into his shell to notice anything. He had laid bare his -heart, in his own fashion, for the first time in his life, and this was -the result. Never again! He burned inwardly, like a child who has been -laughed at by grown-ups. - -"I'm sorry," he said stiffly. "My mistake! Shan't occur again." - -Joey's ear was caught by the tone of his voice, and conscience gave her -a twinge. She patted Hughie's arm in a friendly way. - -"Old boy," she said, suddenly contrite, "I've made you angry, and I've -hurt you. I'm sowwy--sorry, I mean! (I'm a bit upset, you see)," she -said, smiling disarmingly. "But I _can't_ marry you, really. I couldn't -_bear_ to be married at all at present. It seems so--so unnecessary. I -don't see what I should get out of it. That's a selfish thing to say, I -suppose, but I'll try to explain a girl's point of view to you. You're a -terrible child in some respects, so I'll do it quite simply." - -She stroked his sleeve in a motherly fashion, and continued:-- - -"Years ago, my dear, the only way a girl could get her freedom or any -male society was by marrying. Now, she gets as much of both as she -wants, and if she marries she loses all the freedom and most of the male -society. So why should she marry at all?" - -Hughie kept silence before this poser. He felt incapable of plunging -into the depths of an argument: one has to keep to the surface in -discussing these matters with a maiden of twenty. - -"So I shan't marry for years, if at all," continued Miss Gaymer, with -the air of one propounding an entirely new theory. "Not until I'm -getting _passée_ at any rate, and only then if I could find a man whom -it wouldn't give me the creeps to think of spending the rest of my life -with. Besides, the moment one gets engaged all the other men drop -off,--all the nice ones, at any rate,--and that would never do. Don't -you think my system is a sensible one?" - -"It comes hard on the men," said Hughie. - -"Yes, poor dears!" said Miss Gaymer sympathetically. "Still, one man is -so tiresome and a lot is so nice!" - -With which concise and not unmasterly summary of the marriage question, -as viewed through the eyes of the modern maiden, Miss Gaymer turned the -conversation into other channels, and the idyll terminated. - -Half an hour later they were called into the house, to make ready for a -boating expedition. - -Joan, with her usual frankness, reverted for a moment before they left -the seclusion of the trees to the topic that was uppermost in their -minds. - -"Hughie," she said softly, "does it hurt much?" - -"I don't quite know yet," said Hughie. - -"I mean, are you sad or angry--which? It usually takes a man one way or -the other," observed this experienced damsel. - -"I don't know that I'm either," said Hughie meditatively; "the only -feeling that I have just now is that I'm desperately sorry. But I'm not -kicking." - -"It is my belief," remarked Miss Gaymer with sudden and pardonable -asperity, "that you don't care for me in the least. Do you, now?" - -They were a very honest and sincere couple, these. For a full minute -they looked each other in the face, without speaking. Then Hughie -said,-- - -"Joey, I simply don't know! I thought I did half an hour ago, and I'd -have sworn it last night, when--" - -He checked himself. - -"When what?" asked Joan swiftly. - -"Nothing," said Hughie. "That's rather beside the point now, isn't it?" - -Joan, curiosity struggling with honesty, nodded reluctantly. - -"Anyhow," continued Hughie, "I thought I did then, but I'm blessed if I -know now. In fact," he added in a sudden burst of confidence, "sometimes -I can't stand you at any price, Joey dear!" - -"Ah!" said Miss Gaymer, nodding a wise head, "I see you don't know your -own mind yet. But you _will_--one way or another--as soon as you get -away from me." - - * * * * * - -A week later another interview took place between the pair, on the same -spot. - -"Business only this time, Joey!" said Hughie, with rather laborious -cheerfulness. - -"All right. Did you have a good time in town?" inquired Miss Gaymer, in -the inevitable manner of women and Orientals, who dislike coming to the -point in matters of business without a few decent preliminaries. - -"Yes, thanks. I have been picking up old friends again, and -generally settling down," said Hughie. "Got a flat, and a comic -man-servant--Scotchman--introduce you some day. He--" - -He plunged into a rather rambling description of John Alexander Goble. -He was evidently no more anxious to get to business than Joan. - -At last Miss Gaymer inquired,-- - -"Well, Hughie, have you fixed up my affairs?" - -"Yes," said Hughie slowly. "Do you want details?" - -"Mercy, no! I don't know anything about business, and I don't believe -you do either, Hughie. _Do_ you?" - -"Not much," confessed the trustee. "However, I must tell you at once, -Joey, that your income won't be nearly as large as I expected--" - -"Right O!" replied Joan cheerfully. "When do I start for the workhouse?" - -"It's not quite so bad as that," said Hughie, "but--" - -"What am I worth?" inquired the practical Miss Gaymer. - -"I can't quite tell you," said Hughie in a hesitating fashion. "You -see"--he appeared to be choosing his words rather carefully--"the -nominal value of investments, and their actual cash equivalent--" - -Joan put her fingers in her ears. - -"Stop!" she cried, "or I shall scream! I don't know an asset from a -liability, except that in the arithmetic book brokerage is one-eighth, -and--Never mind! I should never understand. How much am I to have a -year? Tell me that." - -"Supposing it should be a mere trifle," said Hughie slowly, "what would -you do?" - -Miss Gaymer puckered her brow thoughtfully. - -"You mean, if I hadn't enough to live on?" - -Hughie nodded. - -"Well, I shouldn't be a governess, I don't think. I love children, but -children are always perfectly diabolical to their governess, and I -shouldn't be able to stand their mothers, either. No: governesses are -off! I shouldn't mind being a typewriter, though, or a secretary,--not -that I can typewrite, or even spell,--provided it was to a really nice -man. An author, you know, or a Cabinet Minister. He could walk about the -room, rumpling up his hair and getting the stuff off his chest, and I -would sit there like a little mouse, in a neat black skirt and a white -silk blouse,--_perhaps_ one or two carnations pinned on,--looking very -sweet and taking it all down." - -"It's a pretty picture," said Hughie drily. - -"Yes, isn't it?" said Miss Gaymer, with genuine enthusiasm. "I think," -she continued, soaring to still greater heights, "that I should like to -go on the stage best of all. Of course, it wouldn't be the slightest -good my going on the proper stage--learning parts, and all that; but a -piece like 'The Merry Widow,' with different frocks for each act and -just a few choruses to sing in, would be top-hole! _Say_ I'm a pauper, -Hughie!" - -"You're not--thank God!" was Hughie's brutal but earnest response. - -"All right, then! Don't bite my head off!" said Miss Gaymer, with -unimpaired good temper. "Let us resume. How much are you going to give -me?" - -"How much can you live on?" - -"Well, I was talking about it to Ursula Harbord--you know her, don't -you?" - -"I do," said Hughie, making a wry face. - -"Very well, don't abuse her. She's the cleverest girl I know," said Joan -warmly. "She is on the staff of 'The New Woman,' and can put a man in -his place in about two minutes." - -"So I discovered," said Hughie resignedly. "Popular type of girl. -However, you were saying--?" - -"I was asking Ursula," continued Joan, "about the cost of living in -town, and so on, and we agreed to share a flat. She said I could get -along on three hundred a-year." - -Joan paused expectantly, and waited for an answer to her unspoken -question. - -"That," said Hughie, after hesitating a moment as if to work out a sum -in mental arithmetic, "is just what I can give you." - - * * * * * - -A pair of Archdiaconal shoe-buckles, the glimmer of a lady's white -evening wrap, and a glowing cigar-end were discernible in the half-light -of the verandah outside the drawing-room window after dinner. Two -Olympians, to whom human hearts were as an open book, were discussing -mortal affairs. - -"Is there no way of bringing it off?" inquired one voice. - -"Lots," replied the other. "But they have so bungled things between them -that we shall have to go slow for a bit. Why, oh, why do men whom you -could trust to do almost _anything_ in the ordinary way always make such -a mess of their love-affairs? Why aren't _you_ married, for instance, -Mr. D'Arcy?" - -"To return to the point," said the reverend gentleman evasively, "what -ought Hughie to do? Take her by the shoulders and shake her? I have -known such a method prove most efficacious," he added, rather -incautiously. - -"N-no," said Mrs. Leroy, "I don't think so--not in Joey's case. It would -bring some women to reason--most women, in fact--in no time. But the -child is too high-spirited. Her pride would never forgive such -treatment. A better way would be for him to make love to some one else." - -"Being Hughie, that is out of the question. He could only make love to -some one else if he meant it; and that would rather defeat your object, -Mrs. Leroy." - -"_My_ object?" - -"Well, ours, then. But is there no other way?" - -"Yes. He must get into trouble of some kind. At present he is too -popular: everybody likes him. If they turned against him she would come -round fast enough. Yes, he must get into _trouble_." - -"Well, perhaps he will," said the Venerable the Archdeacon hopefully. - - - - - BOOK FOUR - - THE UNJUST STEWARD - - - - - CHAPTER XV - - DEPUTATIONS--WITH A DIFFERENCE - - -Hughie let himself into his chambers in Jermyn Street, and rang the bell -of his sitting-room. It was a comfortable bachelor apartment, with -sporting trophies on the walls, cavernous arm-chairs round the -fireplace, and plenty of pipes dotted about the mantelpiece. - -It was eleven o'clock on a fine morning in March, and Hughie had been to -Putney to stroke a scratch eight against the Cambridge crew, who had -rowed a full trial on the early flood and required a little pacing -between bridges. - -Presently the sitting-room door opened, and John Alexander Goble -presented himself upon the threshold. Since his unregenerate days on -board the Orinoco a new and awful respectability had descended upon him, -and in his sober menial attire he looked more like a Calvinistic divine -than ever. He regarded his employer with some displeasure. - -"Your breakfast has been sitting in the fender these twa hours," he -observed bitterly. - -"Sorry, John. Afraid I forgot to countermand it. I had some at Putney." - -"At what hour?" inquired the inexorable Mr. Goble. - -"Half-past seven, about, with the crew." - -"It's eleven the noo. You'll be able for some mair, I doot. Forbye it's -a pity to waste good food. Bide you, while I'll get it." - -Hughie, who was as wax in the hands of his retainer, presently found -himself partaking of a lukewarm collation and opening his letters. - -He glanced through the first. - -"John!" he called. - -Mr. Goble appeared from the bedroom. - -"Were you cryin' on me?" he inquired. - -"Yes. Did two gentlemen call here at ten?" - -"Aye." - -"Who were they?" - -"Yon felly Gaymer, and anither." - -"Who was he?" - -"I couldna say." - -"What was he like?" - -Mr. Goble cast about him for a suitable comparison. - -"He was just a long drink o' watter," he announced at last, with an air -of finality. - -"Did he look--like an actor?" inquired Hughie, with a flash of -intuition. - -"Worse than that," replied Goble. - -"Um--I think I know him. Thank you, that will do. By the way, I'm -expecting some friends to lunch. Captain and Mrs. Leroy--and Mr. D'Arcy. -You know him, don't you?" - -"D'Arcy? Aye, I mind him fine. A fat yin, wi' a lum hat tied up wi' -string. A popish-lookin' body," commented Mr. Goble sorrowfully. - -He retired downstairs, to ponder upon the dubiety of the company into -which his employer appeared to be drifting, and Hughie returned to his -letters. - -The sight of the next caused him to glow suddenly, for on the back of -the envelope he observed the address of Joan's flat. But he cooled when -he turned it round and read the superscription. It was in the -handwriting of the lady with whom Joan shared the flat. - - "DEAR MR. MARRABLE [it said],-- - - "Joan and I are coming to call on you to-morrow about twelve--" - -"They'd better stay to lunch." Hughie touched the bell and continued,-- - - "Dear Joan is very young in some ways, and she has no idea of - the value of money; but since talking the matter over with _me_ - recently, she would like to have a few words with you about her - financial position. - - "How delightful to see the leaves coming out again!--Believe me, - yours sincerely, - - "URSULA HARBORD." - -"'Dear Joan would like'--_would_ she?" commented Hughie. "I'm afraid -it's Ursula Harbord I'm going to have the few words with, though. -Hades!" - -He rose and crossed the room to the fireplace, where he kicked the coals -with unnecessary violence. Then he sighed heavily, and picked up a -photograph which stood upon the mantelpiece. - -Joan had spoken nothing but the truth when she told Hughie that he would -discover his true feelings as soon as he found himself away from her. -For six or eight months he had gone about his day's work with the -thoroughness and determination of his nature. He had administered the -little estate of Manors, was beginning to dabble in politics, had taken -up rowing again, and was trying to interest himself generally in the -course of life to which he had looked forward so eagerly on his travels. -He had even tried conclusions with a few _débutantes_ who had been -introduced to his notice by business-like Mammas. But whatever his -course of life, his thoughts and desires persisted in centring round a -single object,--a very disturbing and elusive object,--and try as he -would, he failed to derive either pleasure or profit from his present -existence. - -In other words, he had made a mess of a love-affair. - -Most men--and most women too, for that matter--undergo this experience -at least once in their lives, and no two ever endure it in the same way. -One rants, another mopes, a third forgets, a fourth bides his time, a -fifth seeks consolation elsewhere, a sixth buries himself in work or -dissipation. Hughie, who cherished a theory that everything ultimately -comes right in this world provided you hold on long enough, and that -when in doubt a man should "stand by the Day's Work and await -instructions," like Kipling's Bridge-Builders, had gone steadily on, -because it was his nature so to do. It was uphill work at present,--a -mechanical perfunctory business, with no reward or alleviation in -sight,--but he was determined to go on doing his duty by Joan to the -best of his ability, and combine so far as he was able the incompatible -_rôles_ of stern guardian, undesired suitor, and--to him most -paradoxical of all--familiar friend. - -For there was no doubt that Joan liked him. She trusted him, consulted -him,--yea, obeyed him, even when he contradicted her most preposterous -utterances and put down a heavy foot on her most cherished enterprises. -For this he did without flinching. The fact that he was a failure as a -lover seemed to be no reason why he should fail as a guardian. - -Not that Joan submitted readily to his _régime_. To Hughie's essentially -masculine mind her changes of attitude were a complete mystery. They -seemed to have no logical sequence or connection. She would avoid him or -seek him out with equal unexpectedness. She might be hopelessly -obstinate or disarmingly docile. One day she would behave like a spoilt -child; on another she would be a very grandmother to him. Sometimes she -would blaze up and rail against her much-enduring guardian for a tyrant -and a monster; at others she would take him under a most maternal wing, -and steer him through a garden-party or a reception in a manner which -made him feel like a lost child in the hands of a benevolent policeman. -On one occasion, which he particularly remembered, she had rounded on -him and scolded him for a full half-hour for his stolid immobility and -lack of _finesse_; the self-same afternoon he had overheard her hotly -defending him against a charge of dulness brought by two frivolous -damsels over the tea-table. - -All this was very perplexing to a man who hated subtlety and liked his -friends and foes marked in plain figures. It unsettled his own opinions, -too. Joey's variegated behaviour prevented him from deciding in his own -mind whether he really liked her or not. At present all he was certain -of was that he loved her. - -Meanwhile she was coming to see him--about her financial position. That -did not promise romance. And Ursula Harbord was coming too. Help! -Certainly life was a rotten business at present. And it had been so full -and glorious before he had forsaken the wide world and taken to this -sort of thing. It might have been so different too, if only-- - -Poor Hughie replaced Joan's photograph, sighed again--and coughed -confusedly. A funereal image appeared over his shoulder in the -chimney-glass. - -"Were you ringin'?" inquired a sepulchral voice. - -"Yes, John. Miss Gaymer and a friend of hers are coming to see me this -morning. They'll probably stay to lunch. You can clear away that food -over there." - -He returned to his letters. Only one remained unopened, and proved to be -from a man with whom he had arranged to shoot in the autumn. - -"This seems to promise a little relief from the present cheery state of -affairs," he mused. "Four men on a nice bleak moor, with no women about! -Thank God! A hundred pounds a share. Well, Lord knows, trusteeing is an -unprofitable business, but I think I can just do it. I'll accept at -once." - -He began to write a telegram. Bachelors have a habit of conducting their -correspondence in this manner. - -"Here's they twa whigmalearies," announced Mr. Goble dispassionately. - -He ushered in Lance Gaymer and the histrionic Mr. Haliburton. - -"After compliments," as they say in official circles, Lance came to the -point. - -"Marrable," he said, after an almost imperceptible exchange of glances -with Haliburton, "aren't you keeping my sister rather short of money?" - -Hughie turned and stared at him in blank astonishment. - -Mr. Haliburton, exuding gentlemanly tact at every pore, rose instantly. - -"You two fellows would like to be alone, no doubt," he said. "I must not -intrude into family matters. I'll call for you in half an hour, Lance." - -Hughie had risen too. - -"You need not trouble, Mr. Haliburton," he said. "Lance is coming with -you." - -Mr. Gaymer was obviously unprepared for such prompt measures as these. - -"But look here--I say--what the devil do you mean?" he spluttered. - -"I mean," replied Hughie deliberately,--he had realised, almost -exultantly, that here once more was a situation which need not be -handled with kid gloves,--"that I am your sister's sole trustee and -guardian, and that you have nothing whatever to do with the disposition -of her property, and--" - -"I think you forget," said Lance truculently, "that I am her brother." - -"I do not forget it," said Hughie. "Neither did Jimmy Marrable. It was -no oversight on his part which left Joan's inheritance and yours locked -up in separate compartments, so to speak. He gave you an independent -income long ago, Lance, because he was particularly anxious to give you -no opportunity of interfering with Joan's affairs when the time came. -For some reason he had chosen me for the job, and he preferred that I -should have a free hand. Therefore I am not going to allow you to cut -into my department. I am sorry to have to put it so brutally, but, -really, you have been infernally officious of late. This is the fourth -reference which you have made to the subject during the past six weeks. -I don't know whether your enterprise is inspired by brotherly love or -the desire to make a bit, but whichever it is I don't think you'll get -much change out of me. I also object to your latest move--bringing in -Mr. Haliburton, presumably as an accomplice, or a witness, or whatever -you like to call him." - -"Really, Mr. Marrable!" Mr. Haliburton's voice quivered with gentlemanly -indignation. - -Hughie rang the bell. - -"Look here, Marrable," burst out Lance furiously, "you are getting -yourself in a hole, I can tell you! We--I happen to know that Jimmy -Marrable left thirty or forty thousand pounds at least for Joey's -immediate use; and I am pretty certain he left something for mine too. -Now--" - -"I'm sorry I can't ask you to stay to lunch," said Hughie, "but I have -some friends coming. Show these gentlemen out, John." - -The deputation was ruthlessly shepherded downstairs by the impassive Mr. -Goble, and Hughie was left to his own reflections. He filled a pipe -meditatively. - -"I wonder," he said, lighting a spill and puffing, "where young Lance -got his figures from. I also wonder what the game is. He was obviously a -bit worked up, and I should say he had been fortifying himself for the -interview before he arrived. I knew, of course, that he had never -forgiven me for being put in charge of Joey's affairs: he has always -made things as difficult for me as possible. Perhaps he wants a trifle -for himself: his closing remarks rather pointed that way. But what on -earth is friend Haliburton doing in that galley? I fancy he has been at -the back of things all along. What interest has _he_ in the amount of -Joey's fortune? I don't know much about him, but I wouldn't trust him a -yard. Perhaps Lance owes him money. Have they gone, John?" - -"Aye," replied Mr. Goble. "They went quite quietly," he added -regretfully. - -He began to lay the table for luncheon. - -"I say, John," began Hughie awkwardly. - -"Aye?" - -"There's a thing I want to speak to you about. I have been losing money -lately, and I have to give up some luxuries I can't afford. I--I am -afraid you are one of them. I have always regarded a man-servant as an -extravagance," he went on with a rush, "and I must ask you to look about -for another place. Take your time, of course, and don't leave me till -you are suited. I shall be glad to give you a character, and all that. -You understand?" - -There was a silence, while Mr. Goble folded a napkin. Then he replied: -"Fine!" Then he added, after a pause, "So you've been lossin' your -money? Aye! Aha! Mphm!" - -"Yes. I'm desperately sorry," said Hughie penitently. "I don't want to -lose you. Perhaps it will only be tempor--" - -"You'll no be daen' that yet a while," remarked Mr. Goble morosely. "I'm -an ill body tae move." - -"But, John, you don't understand. I can't afford to keep you for more -than--" - -"There a cab!" observed Mr. Goble. - -Hughie looked down out of the window. - -"So it is," he said hastily. "I'll show them up, John. You go on with -your work." - -He was across and out of the room in three strides, and could be heard -descending the stairs kangaroo fashion. - -Mr. John Goble breathed heavily into a spoon and rubbed it with the -point of his elbow. - -"I wunner wha his visitors is," he mused caustically. "Of course he -always opens the door himsel' tae all his visitors! Of course I dinna -ken wha she is! Oh, no!" - -He wagged his head in a broken-hearted manner, and gave vent to a -depressing sound which a brother Scot would have recognised as a chuckle -of intense amusement. - -To him entered Miss Ursula Harbord. She wore _pince-nez_ and a -sage-green costume of some art fabric--one of the numerous crimes -committed in the name of Liberty. She was Joan Gaymer's latest fad; and -under her persuasive tutelage Joan was beginning to learn that the men -who all her life had served her slightest whim were at once monsters of -duplicity and brainless idiots; and that, given a few more fervid and -ungrammatical articles in "The New Woman," women would shortly come to -their own and march in the van of civilisation, and that people like -Ursula Harbord would march in the van of the women. - -Pending this glorious destiny, Miss Harbord acted as -unsettler-in-general of Joan's domestic instincts, and worried Hughie -considerably. - -She was followed into the room by Joan; very much the Joan of last -summer, if we make allowances for the distressing appearance presented -by a young woman of considerable personal attractions who is compelled -by Fashion's decree, for this season at any rate, to obscure her -features under a hat which looks like an unsuccessful compromise between -a waste-paper basket and a dish-cover. - -"Well, John," she inquired in her friendly fashion, "have you quite -settled down in London?" - -"Aye, mem." - -"Not missing Scotland?" continued Joan, peeling off her white gloves and -sitting down in an arm-chair. - -"Naething to speak of," said John. - -"I thought," continued Miss Gaymer, surveying Mr. Goble's Cimmerian -features, "that you had perhaps left your heart there." - -"Ma hairt? What for would I dae a thing like that?" enquired the literal -Mr. Goble. "A hairt is no a thing a body can dae wi'oot," he explained. -"It's no like a rib. Ye jist get the ane, so ye canna afford tae get -leavin' it ony place." - -Miss Gaymer smilingly abandoned the topic, and in all probability the -ghost of Sydney Smith chuckled. - -"When are you going to pay us another visit at Manors?" was Joan's next -question. - -"I'm no sure," said Mr. Goble. "Mr. Marrable has jist given me notice." - -"Oh, John!" said Joan, "what have you been doing? Breaking his china?" - -"Drinking his wine?" suggested Miss Harbord, turning from a scornful -inspection of Hughie's stock of current literature. - -"I doot I'm no givin' satisfaction," said John. - -"But, John, I am _sure_ you are!" said Joan. "Was that the reason he -gave?" - -"He said he was givin' up keepin' a man-servant." - -Miss Harbord, who had been craning her neck to see something in the -street, turned round sharply. - -"Why? Has he been losing money?" - -"I couldna say, mem," said Mr. Goble woodenly. He shared his master's -antipathy to Miss Harbord. - -That lady shook her head resignedly. - -"I thought so!" she said. "Joan, dear--" - -At this moment Hughie entered, and Miss Harbord's fire was diverted. - -"Mr. Marrable, have you got rid of that cabman?" she enquired with -truculence. - -"Rather!" said Hughie. "He went like a lamb." - -"He was intoxicated," remarked Miss Harbord freezingly. - -"I didn't notice it," said Hughie. "He was quite tractable. Apparently -you engaged him at Hyde Park Terrace and stopped at two shops on the -way." - -"That is correct." - -"And you gave him one and threepence for a drive of over two miles and a -stop of about ten minutes." - -"His legal fare. We employed him for exactly half an hour." - -"But did you tell him that you were engaging him by the hour?" - -"Of course not! They simply _crawl_ if you do. You might have known -that, Mr. Marrable." - -"Well, it's all right now," interposed Joan cheerfully. - -"Mr. Marrable," persisted Miss Harbord, "I fear you were weak with him. -How much did you give him?" - -"Nothing out of the way," said Hughie uneasily. "You'll stay to lunch, -won't you? I am expecting the Leroys and D'Arcy. We can all go on to a -_matinée_ afterwards." - -Miss Harbord assumed the expression of one who is not to be won over by -fair words, and endeavoured to catch Miss Gaymer's eye--an enterprise -which failed signally, as the latter lady rose from her seat and -strolled to the window. - -"Mr. Marrable," began Miss Harbord, taking up her parable single-handed, -"Joan wishes to have a chat with you about money-matters." - -"No I don't, Hughie," said Miss Gaymer promptly, over her shoulder. - -"Well then, dear," said Miss Harbord calmly, "you ought to. Women leave -these things to men far too much as it is. Joan has an old-fashioned -notion," she added to Hughie, "that it is not quite nice for girls to -know anything about money-matters: hence her reluctance. However, I will -conduct her case for her." - -Miss Harbord crossed her legs, threw herself back in her chair in a -manner which demonstrated most conclusively her contempt for appearances -and feminine ideas of decorum, and began: - -"Tell me, Mr. Marrable, what interest does Joan get on her money?" - -Hughie gaped feebly. Half an hour ago he had put Mr. Lance Gaymer to the -door for an almost precisely similar question. But Lance Gaymer was a -man, and Miss Harbord, conceal the fact as she might, was a woman; and -Hughie's old helplessness paralysed him once more. - -"The usual rate of interest," he said lamely, "is about four per cent." - -Ursula Harbord nodded her head, as who should say, "I expected that!" -and produced a crumpled newspaper from her muff. - -"That," she said almost indulgently, "reveals your ignorance of the -world, Mr. Marrable. If you mixed a little more in affairs, and followed -some regular occupation, you would have more opportunities of -discovering things for yourself, and so be spared the indignity--I -suppose you consider it an indignity?--of having to be advised by a -woman." - -The afflicted Hughie murmured something about it being a pleasure. - -"Now here," continued Miss Harbord, slapping the newspaper as an -East-End butcher slaps the last beef-steak at his Saturday night -auction, "I have the report of the half-yearly meeting of the -International Trading Company, Limited, where a dividend of seven per -cent was declared, making a dividend on the whole year of fourteen per -cent. _Now_ do you see what I--what Joan wants?" - -"Hughie," said Joan, who was making a tour of inspection of the room, -"where did you get this lovely leopard-skin? Have I seen it before?" - -"Shot it, Joey. I beg your pardon, Miss Harbord?" - -"Do you see what Joan wants you to do?" repeated that financial Amazon. - -"Afraid I don't, quite. I'll get on to it in a minute, though," replied -the docile Hughie. - -"Surely, the whole thing is quite clear! You must take Joan's capital -out of whatever it is in and buy shares in The International Trading -Company with it. And be sure you order _preference_ shares, Mr. -Marrable. They are the best sort to get. That is all; but I ought not to -have to point these things out to you." - -Hughie surveyed his preceptress in an undecided fashion. Was it worth -while endeavouring to explain to her a few of the first principles of -finance, or would it be simpler to grin and bear it? He decided on the -latter alternative. - -"The shares," continued Miss Harbord, having evidently decided to follow -up her whips with a few selected scorpions, "should be bought as cheap -as possible. They go up and down, you know, like--a--" - -"Monkey on a stick?" suggested Hughie, with the air of one anxious to -help. - -Miss Harbord smiled indulgently. - -"No, no! Like a--a barometer, let us say; and you have to watch your -opportunity. There is a thing called 'par' which they go to,--anybody -will tell you what it is,--and that is a very good time to buy them." - -Hughie, fighting for breath, rose and joined Joan in the window recess, -while Miss Harbord, with much ostentatious crackling, folded up the -newspaper and put it away. - -"Hughie," said Joan, under cover of the noise, "you are angry." - -"Not at all," replied Hughie, wiping his eyes furtively. "A bit -flummoxed--that's all. No idea your friend was so up in these things." - -"She _is_ clever, isn't she?" said Joan, with unaffected sincerity. -"But, Hughie dear, don't bother about it if it worries you. My affairs -must be a fearful nuisance to you, but Ursula was so keen that I should -come--" - -"I'm glad you did, Joey. It was worth it," said Hughie simply. - -"Of course," continued the unlearned Miss Gaymer, "to people like Ursula -these things are as easy as falling off a log, but for you and me, who -know nothing about business, they're pretty stiff to tackle, aren't -they?" - -"Quite so," agreed Hughie meekly. "But look here, Joey," he continued, -"are you really in want of money?" - -"Of course she is!" said Miss Harbord, overhearing and resuming the -offensive. - -"I _could_ do with a few more frocks, Hughie," said Miss Gaymer -wistfully, "if it wouldn't be a bother to change those investments about -a bit, as Ursula advises. Still, if it can't be done, we'll say no more -about it." - -"Will another hundred a-year be any use to you?" said Hughie suddenly. - -"Oh, Hughie, I should _think_ so! Can it be managed without a fearful -upset?" cried Miss Gaymer, her eyes already brightening over a vista of -blouse-lengths and double-widths. - -"Yes," said Hughie shortly. "I'll--I'll make the necessary changes and -see that the cash is paid into your banking account." - -"You dear!" said Miss Gaymer, with sincerity. - -"A hundred pounds? It might be more!" observed the daughter of the -horse-leech on the sofa. Fourteen per cent still rankled in her -Napoleonic brain. - -Hughie crossed to the writing-table and tore up a telegraph-form. - -"Capt'n Leroy!" announced Mr. Goble's voice in the doorway. - -That easy-going paladin entered the room, and intimated that his wife -had sent him along to say that she would arrive in ten minutes. - -"That means twenty," said Joan. "Ursula, we have just time to run round -and see that hat we thought we'd better not decide about until we had -heard from Hughie about the thing we came to see him about. Now I can -try it on with a clear conscience. Back directly, Hughie!" - -She flitted out, the prospective hundred pounds obviously burning a hole -in her pocket (or wherever woman in the present era of fashion keeps her -money), followed by Miss Harbord. - -Hughie turned to Leroy. - -"Take a cigarette, old man," he said, "and sit down with a glass of -sherry while I do myself up for lunch. Been down at Putney." - -Leroy obeyed. When Hughie returned from his bedroom a quarter of an hour -later, he found that Mrs. Leroy had arrived. She and her husband were -engaged in a low-toned conversation, which they broke off rather -abruptly on their host's entrance. - -Hughie shook hands, and sweeping some newspapers off the sofa, offered -his latest-arrived guest a seat. - -"No, thanks, Hughie," said Mrs. Leroy; "I prefer to look out of the -window." - -She walked across the room and began to gaze down into the street with -her back to Hughie. Her husband, evidently struck with the suitability -of this attitude, rose and joined her. - -"The fact is, Hughie," began Mrs. Leroy, staring resolutely at the house -opposite, "Jack and I want to talk to you like a father and mother, and -I can do it more easily if I look the other way." - -"Same here," corroborated Leroy gruffly. - -Hughie started, and surveyed the guilty-looking pair of backs before him -with an uneasy suspicion. Surely he was not going to be treated to a -third variation on the same theme! - -"Go on, Jack!" was Mrs. Leroy's next remark. - -"Can't be done, m'dear," replied the gentleman, after an obvious effort. - -"Well, Hughie," continued Mrs. Leroy briskly, "as this coward has failed -me, I must say it myself. I want to tell you that people are talking." - -"Ursula Harbord, for instance," said Hughie drily. - -"Yes. How did you know?" - -"She delivered a lecture to me this morning. Gave me to understand that -she darkly suspects me of being a knave, and made no attempt to conceal -her conviction that I am a fool." - -"Well, of course that's all nonsense," said Mrs. Leroy to a fly on the -window-pane; "but really, Hughie, with all the money that her Uncle -Jimmy left her, you ought to be able to give Joey more than you do, -_shouldn't_ you? The child has to live in quite a small way--not really -poor, you know, but hardly as an heiress ought to live. You give her -surprisingly small interest on her money, Jack says--didn't you, Jack?" - -Captain Leroy made no reply, but the deep shade of carmine on the back -of his neck said "Sneak!" as plainly as possible. - -"And you know he would be the last to say anything against you--wouldn't -you, Jack?" - -"Rather!" said Leroy, in a voice of thunder. - -"Hughie," said Mrs. Leroy, turning impulsively, "won't you confide in -me?" - -Hughie kicked a coal in the grate in his usual fashion, and sighed. - -"I can't, _really_," he said. - -"Fact is, old man," broke in Leroy, in response to his wife's appealing -glances, "we didn't want to say anything at all, but the missis thought -it best--considerin' the way people are talkin', and all that. Can _I_ -be of any use? Been speculatin', or anything?" - -"No, Jack, I haven't," said Hughie shortly. - -Mrs. Leroy gave a helpless look at her husband, and said desperately: - -"But, Hughie, we can't leave things like this! You simply don't _know_ -what stories are going about. It is ruining your chances with Joey, too. -She thinks you are a noodle." - -"I know it," said Hughie. - -"Well, look here," said Leroy, "can't you give us some sort of -explanation--some yarn we could put about the place to account for this -state of things--" - -"What state of things?" said Hughie doggedly. He was in an unpleasant -temper. - -"Well, Hughie," said Mrs. Leroy, keeping hers, "here is Joan, known to -have been left a lot of money for her immediate use,--she admits it -herself,--living quite humbly and cheaply, and obviously not well off. -People are asking why. There are two explanations given. One, the more -popular, is that you have embezzled or speculated the money all away. -The other, which prevails among the _élite_--" - -"The people who are really in the know, you know," explained Leroy. - -"Yes: _they_ say," continued his wife, "that Joan won't marry you, so -you have retaliated by--by--" - -"By cutting off supplies," suggested Hughie. - -"Yes, until--" - -"Until she is starved into submission--eh?" - -"That's about the size of it, old son," said Leroy. - -There was a long pause. Finally Hughie said:-- - -"Well, it's a pretty story; but, honestly, I'm not in a position to -contradict it at present." - -Mrs. Leroy desisted from plaiting the window-cord, swung round, walked -deliberately to the fireplace, and laid a hand on Hughie's arm. - -"Hughie," she said, in tones which her husband subsequently affirmed -would have drawn ducks off a pond, "what have you done? Tell _us_!" - -Leroy followed his wife across the room. "Get it off your chest, old -man," he said, with the air of a father confessor. - -Hughie smiled gratefully. He took Mrs. Leroy's two hands into one of his -own, and laid the other on Jack Leroy's shoulder. - -"Jack and Milly," he said earnestly, "my two pals!--I would rather tell -you than anybody else; but--I simply _can't_! It's not my secret! You'll -probably find out all about it some day. At present I must ask you to -accept my assurance that I'm not so black as I'm painted." - -"Hughie," said Mrs. Leroy, "you are simply stupid! We have not come to -you out of idle curiosity--" - -"I know that," said Hughie heartily. - -"And I think you might give us some sort of an inkling--a sort of -favourable bulletin--that I could pass on to Joey, at any rate--" - -"Joey!" said Hughie involuntarily; "Lord forbid!" - -Mrs. Leroy, startled by the vehemence of his tone, paused; and her -husband added dejectedly,-- - -"All right, old man! Let's drop it! Sorry you couldn't see your way to -confide in us. Wouldn't have gone any further. Rather sick about the -whole business--eh? No wonder! Money is the devil, anyway." - -Somehow Leroy's words hit Hughie harder than anything that had been said -yet. He wavered. After all,-- - -"We've bought the hat, and I'm perfectly _ravenous_," announced Joan, -appearing in the doorway. "And we've brought Mr. D'Arcy. Hughie, are -those plover's eggs? Ooh!" - -This was no atmosphere for the breathing of confidential secrets. The -party resumed its usual demeanour of off-hand British _insouciance_, and -began to gather round the luncheon-table. Only Mr. D'Arcy's right -eyebrow asked a question of Mrs. Leroy, which was answered by a slight -but regretful shrug of the shoulders. - -Hughie's apartment was L-shaped, and the feast was spread in the smaller -arm, out of the way of draughts and doorways. Consequently any one -entering the room would fail to see the luncheon table unless he turned -to his left and walked round a corner. - -Hughie was helping the plover's eggs,--it is to be feared that Miss -Gaymer received a Benjamin's portion of the same,--when Mr. Goble -suddenly appeared at his elbow and whispered in his ear,-- - -"Him again!" - -Muttering an apology, Hughie left the table and walked round the corner -to the other arm of the room. Lance Gaymer had just entered. His face -was flushed and his eyes glittered, and Hughie's half-uttered invitation -to him to come in and have some lunch died away upon his lips. - -"Hallo, Lance!" he said lamely. - -Mr. Gaymer replied, in the deliberate and portentously solemn tones of a -man who is three parts drunk,-- - -"I understand you have got a party on here." - -"Yes," said Hughie, endeavouring to edge his visitor through the -doorway. - -"What I want to say," continued Mr. Gaymer in rising tones, "is that I -accuse you of embezzling my sister's property, and I'm going to make -things damned hot for you. Yes--_you_! Go and tell that to your -luncheon-party round the corner!" he concluded with a snort. -"And--glug--glug-glug!" - -By this time he had been judiciously backed into the passage, almost out -of ear-shot of those in the room. Simultaneously Mr. Goble's large hand -closed upon his mouth from behind, and having thus acquired a good -purchase, turned its owner deftly round and conducted him downstairs. - -Death-like silence reigned at the luncheon-table. Hughie wondered how -much they had heard. Not that it mattered greatly, for Master Lance's -accusations, making allowances for alcoholic directness, partook very -largely of the nature of those already levelled at Hughie by more -conventional deputations. - -Before returning to his seat, Hughie crossed to the window and looked -down into the street. - -Mr. Lance Gaymer was being assisted into a waiting hansom by the kindly -hands of Mr. Guy Haliburton. - -Hughie, having seen all he expected to see, returned with faltering -steps to his duties as a host. - -It was a delicate moment, calling for the exercise of much tact. Even -Mildred Leroy hesitated. Joan had flushed red, whether with shame, or -anger, or sympathy, it was hard to say. Mr. D'Arcy regarded her -curiously. - -But heavy-footed husbands sometimes rush in, with success, where the -most wary and diplomatic wives fear to tread. Jack Leroy cleared his -throat. - -"Now, Hughie, my son," he observed, "when you've _quite_ done -interviewin' all your pals on the door-mat, perhaps you'll give your -guests a chance. With so many old friends collected round your table -like this, we want to drink your health, young-fellow-my-lad! Fill up -your glass, Miss Harbord! No heel-taps, Milly!" - -There was an irrelevant _bonhomie_ about this whole speech which struck -exactly the right note. Mrs. Leroy glanced gratefully at her husband, -and lifted her glass. The others did the same. But it was Joan who spoke -first. - -"Hughie!" she cried, with glowing eyes. - -"Hughie!" cried every one. "Good health!" - -In the times of our prosperity our friends are always critical, -frequently unjust, generally a nuisance, and sometimes utterly -detestable. But there is no blinking the fact that they are a very -present help in trouble. - -Hughie suddenly felt himself unable to speak. He bowed his head dumbly, -and made a furious onslaught upon a plover's egg. - - - - - CHAPTER XVI - - IN WHICH CHARITY SUFFERETH LONG, AND - JOAN MISSES HER CUE - - -Hughie spent the next few months chiefly in wondering. - -He wondered what Mr. Haliburton's game might be. What was he doing -behind Lance Gaymer? That the latter might consider himself justified in -poking his nose into his only sister's affairs was understandable -enough--but why drag in Haliburton? Was that picturesque ruffian a -genuine friend of Lance's, enlisted in a brotherly endeavour to readjust -Jimmy Marrable's exceedingly unsymmetrical disposition of his property, -or was he merely a member of that far-reaching and conspicuously able -fraternity (known in sporting circles as "The Nuts"), to whom all -mankind is fair game, and whose one article of faith is a trite proverb -on the subject of a fool and his money, pursuing his ordinary avocation -of "making a bit"? In other words, was Lance Gaymer pulling Haliburton, -or was Haliburton pushing Lance Gaymer? - -Hughie also wondered about a good many other things, notably-- - -(_a_) Joan. - -(_b_) More Joan; coupled with dim speculations as to how it was all -going to end. - -(_c_) More Joan still; together with a growing desire to go off again to -the ends of the earth and lose himself. - -But for the present life followed an uneventful course. Since Lance's -display of fireworks at Hughie's luncheon-party, Hughie's friends had -studiously avoided the mention of the word money in their late host's -presence; and Master Lance himself, evidently realizing that, however -excellent his intentions or pure his motives, he had made an unmitigated -ass of himself, avoided Hughie's society entirely. - -Of Joan Hughie saw little until the beginning of October, when he -arrived at Manors to shoot pheasants. - -He was greeted, almost with tears of affection, by John Alexander Goble, -who had been retained by Jack Leroy as butler when Hughie relinquished -his services; and found the house packed with young men and maidens, the -billiard-room strewn with many-hued garments, and the atmosphere charged -with the electricity of some great enterprise in the making. - -"Theatricals!" explained Mrs. Leroy resignedly, as she handed him -his tea. "Tableaux, rather. At least, it is a sort of variety -entertainment," she concluded desperately, "in the Parish Hall. In aid -of some charity or other, but that doesn't matter." - -"Joey's latest, I suppose?" - -"Yes; the child is wild about it. What, sweet one?" (This to the infant -Hildegard, in an attitude of supplication at her side.) "Cake? certainly -not! You are going out to tea at the Rectory in half an hour. Do you -remember what happened the last time you had two teas?" - -Stodger reflected, and remembered; but pleaded, in extenuation,-- - -"But I did it _all_ at the Rectory, mummy." - -"She was sick," explained her sister, turning politely to Hughie. - -"Twice!" corroborated Stodger, not without pride. - -"Yes; in a decent basin provided by the parish," continued Duckles -hazily. She had recently begun to attend church, and her reading during -the sermon had opened to her a new and fertile field for quotation. - -"Tell me more about the tableaux, Jack," said Hughie hastily, as Mrs. -Leroy accelerated her ritualistic progeny's departure upstairs. - -"They're spendin' lashings of money on them. Won't make a farthing -profit, I don't suppose; but the show should be all right. They're -getting a 'pro.' down to stage-manage 'em." - -"My word, they are going it! Hallo, Joey!" - -Miss Gaymer's entrance brought theatrical conversation up to fever heat; -and for the rest of the meal, and indeed for the next few days, Hughie -lived and breathed in a world composed of rickety scenery, refractory -pulleys, and hot size, inhabited by people who were always talking, -usually cross, and most intermittent in their feeding-times. - -One afternoon Joan took him down to the Hall, ostensibly as a companion, -in reality to shift some large flats of scenery, too wide for feminine -arms to span. - -Captain Leroy had already offered himself in that capacity, but his -services had been brutally declined, on the ground that the scenery was -not concave. - -"The programmes are being printed to-day. We are going to have the -tableaux in the first half," Joan rattled on, as they walked through the -plantations. "Well-known pictures, you know. Some of them are perfectly -lovely. I am in three," she added, rather naïvely. - -Hughie asked for details. - -"Well, the first one is to be The Mirror of Venus--a lot of girls -looking into a pool." - -"Are you in that?" - -"Not much! _That_ is for all the riff-raff who have crowded in without -being invited--the Mellishes, and the Crumfords, and the Joblings. (You -know the lot!) There's another tableau for their men: _such_ horrors, my -dear! But that disposes of them for Part One: they don't have to appear -again until the waxworks. Then there's a perfectly sweet one--The -Gambler's Wife." - -"Who is she to be?" - -"Sylvia Tarrant. She sits under a tree in an old garden, looking sad," -gabbled Joan without pausing, "while her husband gambles with some other -men on the lawn behind. You'll cry! I come after that--Two Strings to -her Bow. A girl walking arm-in-arm with two men. She looks quite pleased -with herself: the men have both got camelious hump." - -"Who are they?" - -"It's not quite settled yet. I told them they could fight it out among -themselves. I expect it will be Binks and Cherub, though. But they must -decide soon, because time is getting on, and Mr. Haliburton says--" - -"Who?" - -"Mr. Haliburton." - -"Haliburton?" said Hughie, stopping short. - -"Yes. Didn't you know? He is stage-managing us. He came down this -morning." - -"Is he staying in the house?" was Hughie's next question. - -"No: we couldn't get him in. He's putting up at The Bull, in the -village," said Joan. "I wish we could have found room for him," she -added, with intention. She knew that most men neither loved Mr. -Haliburton nor approved of their girl friends becoming intimate with -him; and this alone was quite sufficient to predispose her in that -misjudged hero's favour. - -In her heart of hearts Miss Gaymer was just a little _éprise_ with Mr. -Haliburton, and, as becomes one who is above such things, just a little -ashamed of the fact. She had found something rather compelling in his -dark eyes and silky ways, but, being anything but a susceptible young -person, rather resented her own weakness. Still, the fact remained. She -had seen a good deal of Mr. Haliburton in London--how, she could hardly -explain, though possibly Mr. Haliburton could have done so--and had -listened, not altogether unmoved, to tales of a patrimony renounced for -Art's sake, of an ancestral home barred by a hot-headed but lovable "old -pater"; and to various reflections, half-humorous, half-pathetic, on the -subject of what might have been if this world were only a juster place. - -Joan, who did not know that Mr. Haliburton's ancestral home had been -situated over a tobacconist's shop somewhere between the back of Oxford -Street and Soho Square, and that his "old pater" had but lately retired -from the post of head waiter at a theatrical restaurant in Maiden Lane, -in order to devote his undivided attention to the more perfect colouring -of an already carnelian proboscis, felt distinctly sorry for her -romantic friend. When a young girl begins to feel sorry for a man, the -position is full of possibilities; and when heavy-handed and purblind -authority steps in and forbids the banns, so to speak, the possibilities -become probabilities, and, in extreme cases, certainties. - -Joan glanced obliquely at Hughie. That impassive young man was advancing -with measured strides, frowning ferociously. She continued, not -altogether displeased:-- - -"The next tableau is Flora Macdonald's Farewell--very Scotch. A man in a -kilt stands in the centre--" - -She babbled on, but Hughie's attention wandered. - -Haliburton again! He did not like the idea. Consequently it was not -altogether surprising if, when Joan paused to enquire whether he -regarded Queen Elizabeth or a suffragette as the most suitable vehicle -for one of Mrs. Jarley's most cherished "wheezes," Hughie should have -replied:-- - -"Joan, how did that chap come here? Was he engaged by you, or did he -offer himself?" - -"He offered himself--very kindly!" said Joan stiffly. - -"I suppose he is being paid?" - -"Yes, of course--a guinea or two. It's his profession," said Joan -impatiently. "Do you object?" - -The occasion called for considerable tact, and poor heavy-handed Hughie -sighed in anticipation. Joan heard him. - -"What _is_ the trouble?" she asked, more amused than angry. "Out with -it, old Conscientiousness?" - -"Joey," said Hughie, "I don't like the idea of your taking up with that -chap." - -On the whole, it could not have been put worse. - -"It seems to me," said Miss Gaymer scornfully, "that it's not women who -are spiteful, but men. I wonder why every male I know is so down on poor -Mr. Haliburton. Silly children like Binks and Cherub I can understand, -but _you_, Hughie--you ought to be above that sort of thing. What's the -matter with the man, that you all abuse him so? Tell me!" - -Hughie's reply to this tirade was lame and unconvincing. The modern -maiden is so amazingly worldly-wise on various matters on the subject of -which she can have had no other informant than her own intuitions, that -she is apt to scout the suggestion that there are certain phases of life -of which happily she as yet knows nothing; and any attempt to hint the -same to her is scornfully greeted as a piece of masculine superiority. -Consequently Joey thought she knew all about Mr. Haliburton; wherein she -was manifestly wrong, but not altogether to be blamed; for when your -knowledge of human nature, so far as it goes, is well-nigh perfect, it -is difficult for you to believe that it does not go all the way. - -It was a most unsatisfactory conversation. All Hughie did was to -reiterate his opinion of Mr. Haliburton without being able (or willing) -to furnish any fresh facts in support of it; and the only apparent -result was to prejudice Joan rather more violently in Haliburton's -favour than before, and to make Hughie feel like a backbiter and a -busybody. It was a relief when Joan abruptly changed the conversation, -and said:-- - -"Hughie, have you seen anything of Lance lately?" - -No, Hughie had not. "Why?" - -"I'm bothered about him," said Joan, descending from her high horse and -slipping into what may be called her confidential mood. "He used to -write to me pretty regularly, even after he married that freak, and we -were always fond of one another, even though we quarrelled sometimes. -But he seems to have dropped out of things altogether lately. Do you -know what he is doing?" - -"Can't say, I'm sure," said Hughie. - -"Could you find out for me?" - -"Of course I will," said Hughie, quite forgetting the present -awkwardness of his relations with Lance in the light of the joyous fact -that Lance's sister had just asked him to do her a service. "I'll go and -look him up. He may be ill, or short of cash. But can't you get news of -him from--from--" - -He stopped suddenly. He had been about to ask a question which had just -struck him as rather ungenerous. - -"You mean from Mr. Haliburton?" said Joan, with her usual directness. "I -did ask him, but he says he has seen nothing of Lance for quite a long -time; so I'm afraid I must bother you, Hughie. I don't like to, because -I know you won't want to go out of your way on his account, after--" - -"Never mind that!" said Hughie hastily. "I'll go and look him up." - -Joan turned to him gratefully. - -"You're a good sort, Hughie," she said. "I don't know what I should do -without you." - -Hughie glowed foolishly. Her words did not mean anything, of course; -still, they warmed him for the time being. He never thought of making -capital out of Joan's impulsive outbursts of affection. He regarded them -as a sort of consolation prize--nothing more. He had never attempted to -make love to her since his first rebuff. The memory of that undignified -squabble still made him tingle, and in any case it would never have -occurred to him to renew the attack. Man-like, he had taken for granted -the rather large proposition that a woman invariably means what she -says. To pester Joan with further attentions, especially in his -exceptional position, savoured to him of meanness. - -For all that, the girl and he seemed of late to have adjusted their -relations with one another. Joan never played with him now, encouraging -him one moment and flouting him the next, as in the case of most of her -faithful band. Her attitude was that of a good comrade. She was content -to sit silent in his company, which is a sound test of friendship; she -brought to him her little troubles, and occasionally ministered to his; -and in every way she showed him that she liked and trusted him. A vainer -or cleverer man would have taken heart of grace at these signs. Hughie -did not. He was Joan's guardian, and as such entitled to her confidence; -also her very good friend, and as such entitled to her affection. That -was all. It was rotten luck, of course, that she was not sufficiently -fond of him to marry him, but then rotten luck is a thing one must be -prepared for in this world. He would get accustomed to the situation in -time: meanwhile there must be no more castles in the air. - -"I'll tell you what," he continued presently. "I shall be in town on -Wednesday. I'll go and look Lance up then." - -"But, Hughie," cried Joan in dismay, "Wednesday is the day of the -entertainment. You _must_ come to that. What is your engagement, if it's -not indiscreet to inquire?" - -"Dentist," said Hughie lugubriously. - -"Dentist?" Joan laughed, or rather crowed, in her characteristically -childlike way. "Hughie at the dentist's! It seems so funny," she -explained apologetically. - -"It will be the reverse of funny," said Hughie severely, "when he gets -hold of me. Do you know how long it is since I sat in a dentist's chair? -Eight years, no less!" - -"You'll catch it!" said Miss Gaymer confidently. "But you simply must -not go on that day. I want you at the show. Can't you change the date?" - -"The assassin gave me to understand," said Hughie, "that it was a most -extraordinary piece of luck for me that he should be able to take me at -all; and he rather suggested that if I broke the appointment I need not -expect another on this side of the grave. Besides, next Wednesday is -about our one off-day from shooting. I also--" - -Miss Gaymer fixed a cold and accusing eye on him. - -"Confess, miserable shuffler!" she said. "You arranged that date with -the dentist on purpose, so as to escape the theatricals." - -"Guilty, my lord!" replied the criminal resignedly. - -"Well, you are let off with a caution," said Joan graciously, "but -you'll have to come, all the same. You _will_, won't you, Hughie?" - -"Will my presence make so much difference?" said Hughie, rather boldly -for him. He was inviting a heavy snub, and he knew it. - -Joan raised her eyes to his for a moment. - -"Yes," she said, rather unexpectedly, "it will." - -"Then I'll come," said Hughie, with vigour. "I go to the dentist at ten. -I'll get that over, ask Lance to lunch, and come down by the afternoon -train. What time does the show begin?" - -"Eight." - -"The train gets in at seven-fifty. I'll come straight to the Parish -Hall--" - -"You'll get no dinner," said Joan in warning tones. - -"Never mind!" said Hughie heroically. "There's to be a supper -afterwards, isn't there?" - -"Yes." - -"I'll last out, then. By the way, does it matter if I'm not in evening -kit?" - -"Not a bit, if you don't mind yourself. Of course the front rows will be -full of people with their glad rags on," said Joan. "But if you feel -shy, come round behind the scenes. Then you'll be able to keep an eye on -me--and Mr. Haliburton!" she added, with a provocative little glance. - - * * * * * - -Hughie duly departed to town, promising faithfully to come back for the -theatricals, and wondering vaguely why Joan had insisted so strongly on -his doing so. Joan felt rather inclined to wonder herself. She was a -little perplexed by her own impulses at present. But her mind was -occupied by some dim instinct of self-preservation, and she felt somehow -distinctly happier when Hughie promised to come. - -However, there was little time for introspection. Rehearsals--"with the -accent on the hearse," as Mr. Binks remarked during one protracted -specimen--were dragging their slow length along to a conclusion; tickets -were selling like hot cakes; and presently the great day came. - -Amateur theatricals are a weariness to the flesh, but viewed in the -right spirit they are by no means destitute of entertainment. The -drama's laws, as interpreted by the amateur, differ materially from -those observed by the professional branch--the members of which, it must -be remembered, have to please to live--in several important particulars; -and with these the intending playgoer should at once make himself -conversant. - -Here is a _précis_:-- - -(1) Remember that the performance has been got up entirely for the -benefit of the performers, and that you and the rest of the audience -have merely been brought in to make the thing worth while. - -(2) Abandon all hope of punctuality at the start or reasonability in the -length of the intervals. Amateur scene-shifters and musicians do not -relish having their "turns" curtailed any more than the more conspicuous -members of the cast. - -(3) Bear in mind the fact that the play is _not_ the thing, but the -players. The most thrilling Third Act is as dross compared with the -excitement and suspense of watching to see whether Johnny Blank will -_really_ kiss Connie Dash in the proposal scene, or whether the fact -(known to at least two-thirds of the audience) that they have not been -on speaking terms for the past six months will result in the usual -amateur _ne plus ultra_--a sort of frustrated peck, falling short by -about six inches. Again, the joy of hearing the hero falter in a -stirring apostrophe to the gallery is enhanced by the knowledge that he -is reading it from inside the crown of his hat, and has lost the place: -while the realistic and convincing air of deference with which the -butler addresses the duchess is the more readily recognized and -appreciated by an audience who are well aware that he happens in private -life to be that lady's husband. - -The entertainment to which we must now draw the reader's unwilling -attention was to consist of three parts. First, the Tableaux -Vivants--thirty seconds of tableaux to about ten minutes of outer -darkness and orchestral selection; then a comedietta; and finally, Mrs. -Jarley's Waxworks. - -The largest room behind the scenes had been reserved for the lady -_artistes_; a draughty passage, furnished chiefly with flaring candles -and soda-water syphons, being apportioned to the gentlemen. The _loge -des dames_ was a bare and cheerless apartment, but tables and mirrors -had been placed round the walls; and here some fifteen or twenty maidens -manoeuvred with freezing politeness or unrestrained elbowings (according -to their shade of social standing) for positions favourable to -self-contemplation. - -Joan and Sylvia Tarrant foregathered in the middle of the floor. - -"I think we'd better dress here, dear," said Joan cheerfully, "and leave -the nobility and gentry to fight for the dressing-tables. After all," -she added complacently, "you and I need the least doing up of any of -them." - -The tableaux on the whole were a success, though it was some time before -the audience were permitted to inspect them. The musical director, a -nervous individual with a _penchant_ for applied science, had spent the -greatest part of two days in fixing up an electric bell of heroic -proportions controlled from the conductor's desk, and ringing into the -ear of the gentleman in charge of the lighting arrangements. A carefully -type-written document (another by-product of the musician's versatility) -apprised this overwrought official that one ring signified "stage-lights -up," and two rings "stage-lights down." - -Just before the curtain rose for the first tableau the conductor pressed -his button once. After an interval of about two seconds, since the -stage-lights showed no inclination to go up,--as a matter of fact the -controller of illuminants was tenderly nursing a hopelessly perforated -eardrum,--the agitated musician, convinced that the bell had not rung, -rang it again. Consequently, just as the curtain rose, every single lamp -on the stage, from the footlights to the overhead battens, was hastily -extinguished. Confusion reigned supreme. The conductor pressed his -button frantically and continuously; the electrician lost his head -completely, and began to turn off switches which controlled the lights -in the dressing-rooms and the hall itself; while the faithful orchestra, -suddenly bereft of both light and leadership, endeavoured with heroic -but misguided enthusiasm to keep the flag flying by strident -improvisations of the most varied and individual character. - -The audience, who had come prepared for anything, sat unmoved; but -dolorous cries were heard from the dressing-rooms and vestibule. Above -all rose the voice of the conductor, calling aloud for the blood of the -electrician and refusing to be comforted. The first _tableau vivant_ -partook of the nature of an "extra turn," and was not foreshadowed in -the programme. It took place in the middle of the stage, and depicted -two overheated gentlemen (one carrying a _bâton_ and the other _en -déshabille_) explaining (_fortissimo_) the purport of a type-written -document to a third (who caressed his right ear all the time) by the -light of a single wax vesta. - -After this gratuitous contribution to the gaiety of the proceedings the -official programme came into force, and various attractive and romantic -visions were unfolded to the audience. Certainly the tableaux were well -mounted. The success of A Gambler's Wife and Two Strings to her Bow was -beyond question. Haliburton, too, made a striking appearance in -Orchardson's Hard Hit--the famous gambling picture with the countless -packs of cards strewn upon the floor--wherein the broken gamester turns -with his hand on the door-handle to take a last look at the three men -who have mastered him. - -There were minor blemishes, of course. The composure of the beauteous -band who were discovered--when the conductor had been hounded back to -his stool and the bemused electrician replaced by a man of more enduring -fibre--contemplating their own charms in The Mirror of Venus was utterly -wrecked--yea, transformed into helpless giggles--by a totally unexpected -ejaculation of "Good old Gertie!" proceeding from a young man in the -front row--evidently a brother--chiefly remarkable for a made-up tie and -a red silk handkerchief, and directed apparently (if one may judge by -consequences) at a massively-built young woman kneeling third from the -end on the prompt side. During another tableau, as Prince Charles stood -rigid in the embrace of Flora Macdonald, the audience sat spellbound for -thirty breathless seconds, what time the unhappy prince's tartan -stockings slipped inch by inch from the neighbourhood of his knees, past -the boundary line where artificial brown left off and natural white -began, right down to his ankles--a _contretemps_ which, as Mr. D'Arcy -remarked to Mrs. Leroy, added a touch of animation to what would -otherwise have been a somewhat lifeless representation. - -The comedietta was not an unqualified success. It was one of those -characteristic products of what may be called the Back-Drawing-Room -School, in which complications begin shortly after the rise of the -curtain with the delivery and perusal of a certain letter, and are -automatically adjusted at the end of about thirty-five minutes by the -introduction of another, which explains everything, settles differences, -precipitates engagements, and brings the curtain down upon all the -characters standing in a row in carefully assorted couples. - -This somewhat trite and conventional plot was agreeably varied by the -vagaries of the talented gentleman who played the footman responsible -for the delivery of the letters. He brought on the second letter first, -with the result that the heroine found herself exclaiming: "How foolish -I have been! Gerald had been true to me through all! I must go to him at -once! We can be married to-morrow!" after the drama had been in progress -some three minutes,--a catastrophe only tided over by some perfectly -Napoleonic "gagging" by the comic man and an entirely unrehearsed -entrance (with obvious assistance from the rear) of the footman, with -the right letter. - -Fortunately these divergences from the drama's normal course were lost -upon the majority of the audience; for the actors, whether from -nervousness or frank boredom, were inaudible beyond the first three rows -of seats. Even here the feat of following the drift of the dialogue was -rendered almost impossible by the persistent and frantic applause of two -obvious "deadheads" in the front row,--poor relations of the gentleman -who played the footman,--who, since they occupied free seats, evidently -considered it their bounden duty to applaud every entrance and exit of -their munificent relative, even when he came on with the wrong letter or -was elbowed off to fetch the right one. The only member of the company -who performed his duties with anything like thoroughness was the -prompter, a retired major with lungs of brass. He had evidently decided, -with the true instinct of a strong man, that if you want a thing well -done you must do it yourself. Consequently his voice re-echoed through -the hall in an unceasing monologue which, while it lacked the variety -inseparable from the deliverances of a whole company, did much to keep -the occupants of the back benches _au fait_ with the intricacies of the -plot. The best laugh of the evening, however, was aroused by the -temerity of one of the actors, who suddenly interrupted the prompter to -remark mildly but distinctly: "All right, old man, I know this bit!" - -Then came Mrs. Jarley's Waxworks. The curtain rose upon the usual group -of historical and topical characters, seated round the stage in a -semicircle, most of them twitching with incipient hysteria, and all -resolutely avoiding the eye of the audience. Presently Mrs. Jarley -(Binks), accompanied by Master Jarley (Cherub, in a sailor suit and -white socks), made her appearance, and plunged into a slightly laboured -monologue, what time her offspring walked round the stage, and, by dint -of dusting, oiling, and other operations, stimulated any of the figures -which could possibly have been mistaken for waxworks into a fitting -display of life and activity. - -One "Mrs. Jarley" is very like another, and the audience, who were -beginning to suffer from a slight attack of theatrical indigestion, were -a little slow in responding to Binks's hoary "wheezes" and unfathomable -topical allusions. It was not until a bench at the back of the stage, -occupied by Oliver Cromwell, General Booth, Dorando, and a Suffragette, -suddenly toppled over backwards, and discharged its tenants, with four -alarming thuds, into the chasm which yawned between the back of the -staging and the wall, that the entertainment could be said to have -received a proper fillip. After the first sensation of surprise and -resentment at finding themselves reposing upon the backs of their necks -in the dust, the four gentlemen affected (who, it is to be feared, had -been priming themselves for this, their first appearance on any stage, -in the customary manner) accepted the situation with heroic resignation. -Remembering that they were waxworks, and for that if for no other reason -incapable of getting up, they continued in their present posture, -invisible to the naked eye except for their legs, which stuck straight -up into the air. The flagging audience, imagining that the entire -disaster was part of the performance, applauded uproariously, and Mrs. -Jarley seized the opportunity to deliver a pithy _extempore_ lecture -upon character as read from the soles of the feet. - -The performance concluded with a song and chorus, specially composed for -the occasion, and sung by Mrs. Jarley and her exhibits in spasmodic -antistrophe. Mrs. Jarley began,-- - - "Some ladies have one figure--one, home grown! - But I have quite a lot, like Madam Tussaud. - And whatever sort of one you'd like to own, - Just order me to make it, and I'll do so. - I can make you waxen figures that can walk, - Or wave their arms, or turn and look behind 'em--" - -Here, in attempting to suit the action to the word, the singer tripped -heavily over her own train, and was only saved from complete -_bouleversement_ by the miraculously animated and suddenly outstretched -arm of Henry the Eighth, who was sitting close behind. Binks continued, -quite undisturbed,-- - - "And some of them (the female ones!) can talk, - And it's wonderful how useful people find them. - - "So send for Mrs. Jarley on the spot! - And she'll reproduce each feature that you've got. - It will save a deal of trouble - If you have a waxen double, - Which will do your work when you would rather not!" - -"Now then, waxworks! All together! Give them a lead, Sousa!" - -Mr. Sousa (second from the end, o. p. side) obediently began to agitate -his _bâton_, partially scalping Sunny Jim in the process, and the -waxworks sang out, _fortissimo_, with a distinct but unevenly -distributed _accelerando_ toward the end,-- - - "Then send for Mrs. Jarley on the spot! - And she'll reproduce each feature that you've got. - All your business she will see to, - Black your boots, and make your tea, too, - If you'll only put a penny in the slot!" - -The tune was good, and the chorus went with a swing. But now a -difficulty arose. The second verse should have been sung by one of the -late occupants of the back bench--Dorando, to be precise; and Mrs. -Jarley, realizing the circumstance, was on the point of beginning it -herself, when a muffled voice, proceeding apparently from the infernal -regions, struck into the opening lines. Dorando, faint yet pursuing, was -evidently determined to fulfil his contract, even if he had to do it on -his head. For various reasons (chiefly dust and incipient apoplexy), his -articulation was not all that could be desired, and the verse, which -told of the ingenious device of one Tommy Sparkes, who, faced by the -prospect of corporal punishment, - - "Sent for Mrs. Jarley on the spot, - And explained that he was going to get it hot"-- - -whereupon that resourceful lady - - "Made a figure, small and ruddy, - To be Tommy's understudy; - And the figure got--what Tommy should have got!" - -was lost upon the audience. But every one took up the chorus with a -will, and the third verse entered upon its career under the happiest -auspices. - -On this occasion the lines were distributed among the figures -themselves. - - "Now Mrs. Bumble-Doodle gave a ball"-- - -began Queen Elizabeth; - - "But twenty-seven men all wired to say"-- - -continued Peter Pan; - - "That they very much regretted, after all"-- - -carolled Sunny Jim; - - "To find they simply _couldn't_ get away!"-- - -bellowed a voice (Oliver Cromwell's) from under the platform. - - "Said Mrs. Bumble-Doodle, in despair"-- - -resumed Master Jarley, after a yell of laughter had subsided; - - "The ball will be a failure--not a doubt of it!" - -announced a Pierrette, with finality. - - "The girls won't find a single partner there"-- - -wailed a waxwork in a kilt (possibly Rob Roy or Harry Lauder)-- - -There was a break. The piano paused expectantly, and all the waxworks -turned their heads (most unprofessionally) to see what had happened to -Cherry Ripe, whose turn it was to sing the next verse. Apparently that -lady had permitted her attention to wander, for she was scrutinising the -audience, to the neglect of her cue. The sudden silence--or possibly the -attentions of Master Jarley, who bustled up and assiduously oiled her -mouth and ears--seemed to recall her errant wits. - -"Sorry!" she remarked calmly, and sang in a clear voice,-- - - "Oh, what a mess! How are we to get out of it?" - - "She sent for Mrs. Jarley on the spot!" - -declaimed that lady triumphantly, - - --"And the girls were quite content with what they got. - True, a dummy cannot flirt; - But he does not tear your skirt, - Or say that he can dance when he can not!" - -"Now, then, _all_ together!" - -Mrs. Jarley, waxworks, and audience swung into the final chorus. Even -the four inverted Casabiancas at the back assisted by swinging their -legs. - - "She sent for Mrs. Jarley on the spot! - And the girls were quite content with what they got. - They were spared that youth entrancing, - Who says: 'I don't much care for dancing, - But I don't mind sitting out with you--eh, what?'" - -But Cherry Ripe was not singing. She was saying to herself,-- - -"Not in the hall, and not behind the scenes! I wonder where he can have -got to! He _may_ have missed his train, of course; but then he could -have wired, hours ago. Well, Hughie, _mon ami_, if that's the way you -treat invitations--" - -But the curtain had fallen, and all the waxworks were scuffling off -their high chairs and trooping to the dressing-rooms. Cherry Ripe, -following their example, put an arm round Pierrette, and said:-- - -"Come along, Sylvia! Home, supper, and a dance! That's the programme -now." - -On reaching Manors, Joan enquired of Mr. Goble,-- - -"Is Mr. Hughie back, John?" - -"'Deed, no, mem." - -"Any telegram, or anything?" asked Joan carelessly. - -"Naething whatever! He'll no be back till the morn, I doot," said Mr. -Goble. - -Two hours later, when supper was over and the dancing at its height, Mr. -Haliburton approached Joan. - -"Our dance, I think, Cherry Ripe?" he said. - -Cherry Ripe concurred. - -"Will you come and sit in the conservatory?" continued Haliburton. "I -want to say something particular to you." - -Joan regarded him covertly for a moment. - -"All right!" she said. - - - - - CHAPTER XVII - - IN WHICH CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME, AND - HUGHIE MISSES HIS TRAIN - - -The dentist laid aside his excavating pick with a regretful sigh, and -began to fit what looked like a miniature circular saw into the end of -the electric drill. - -Hughie, recumbent in the chair, telling himself resolutely that, -appearances to the contrary, the man was doing this because it was -really necessary, and not from mere voluptuousness, cautiously inserted -his tongue into the hole, and calculated that the final clearance would -be a three minutes' job at the shortest. - -"It seems hard to believe," said the dentist morosely, setting the -machinery of the drill in motion with his foot, "that your teeth have -not been attended to for eight years. A little wider, please!" - -Hughie realised that he was being called a liar as unmistakably as a man -can be; but at this moment the drill came into full operation, and he -merely gripped the arms of the chair. - -"A man," continued the dentist, removing the drill and suddenly -syringing the cavity with ice-cold water,--"empty, please!--should make -a point of having his teeth inspected once every six months; a woman, -once every three." - -"A man," replied Hughie (who believed that the operations with the drill -were completed), "must have his teeth inspected when he can. That is," -he added rapidly,--the dentist was deliberately fitting a fresh tool -into the drill,--"I have been abroad for the last eight or nine years." - -"Away from civilisation, perhaps," said the dentist compassionately, -getting good leverage for his operating hand by using Hughie's lower jaw -as a fulcrum. - -"Quite!" gurgled Hughie, whose head at the moment was clasped tight to -his inquisitor's waistcoat buttons. - -"In that case," said the dentist in distinctly mollified tones, "we must -not be too hard on you. Tongue down, please!" - -He completed his excavating and inundating operations, and, regretfully -pushing away the arm of the drilling-machine, began to line his victim's -mouth with some material which tasted like decomposing sponge-bags. - -"Your teeth have preserved their soundness in quite an unaccountable -way," he continued, with the air of a just man conscientiously -endeavouring to minimise a grievance. "There is one other small hole -here,"--he ran a pointed instrument well into it to prove his -statement,--"but beyond that there is nothing further to find fault -with." - -He began to pound up a mysterious mixture in a small mortar, and ran -on:-- - -"You must have been very careful in your diet." - -"No sweets," said Hughie laconically. "And I used very often to eat my -meat right off the bone. That keeps teeth white, doesn't it?" - -The dentist put down the mortar with some deliberation, and glared. -Anything in the shape of levity emanating from occupants of the rack -jars upon a Chief Tormentor's sense of what is professionally proper. -But Hughie was lying back in the chair with his mouth open and eyes -shut, exhibiting no sign of humorous intention. Still, this must not -occur again. The dentist looked round for a gag. He produced from -somewhere a long snaky india-rubber arrangement, terminating in a hooked -nozzle. This he hung over Hughie's lower [Greek: erkos odontôn], -effectually stifling his utterance and reducing his share in the -conversation to a sort of Morse Code of single gurgles and long-drawn -sizzles suggestive of the emptying of a bath. - -Then, taking up his mortar, he proceeded, with the air of one who is -using a giant's strength magnanimously,-- - -"You have visited the Antipodes, perhaps?" - -"Gug-gug-guggle!" proceeded from the india-rubber-lined orifice before -him. - -"Ah! that must have been very interesting," continued the dentist. "Had -you many opportunities of discussing the question of Colonial Preference -with the leading men out there?" - -"Glug!" came the reply. - -"That was unfortunate. But perhaps you were able to form some idea of -the general Australian attitude towards the question?" - -"G-r-r-r-r-r! Guggle, guggle! Ch'k, ch'k!" observed Hughie. - -"Personally," continued the dentist, rolling the pulverised substance in -the mortar between his finger and thumb, and lighting a spirit-lamp, "I -am an ardent upholder of the principles of that truly great man, the -immortal Richard Cobden. Are you?" - -Hughie, thoughtlessly lifting the gag for a moment, replied--with fatal -distinctness. - -It was a mad act. The dentist simply took up a humorous-looking -bulb-shaped appliance, and having filled it with red-hot air at the -spirit-lamp, discharged its contents, in one torrid blast, into the -excavated tooth. - - * * * * * - -Twenty minutes later Hughie was ushered into the street, and stood -poising himself doubtfully on the doorstep. He did not know what to do. - -Strictly speaking, his next engagement should have been to entertain Mr. -Lance Gaymer at luncheon. But that exposer of fraudulent trustees had -not replied to Hughie's written invitation. Hence Hughie's stork-like -attitude outside the dentist's premises. Personally he had not the -slightest desire to entertain Lance Gaymer at luncheon or any other -meal. On the other hand, he had promised Joan to seek out her brother -and ascertain if all was well with him. Ergo, since the Mountain -declined to come to Mohammed, or even answer his letters, Mohammed must -put his pride in his pocket and go to the Mountain. - -The prophet accordingly hailed a hansom, and was directing the cabman to -drive to the Mountain's residence in Maida Vale,--a paradoxical address -for a Mountain, by the way,--when a strange thing happened. Nay, it was -a providential thing; for if Hughie had not resolutely summoned up his -courage and told the dentist to go in and finish off the small hole in -the last tooth,--a treat which that sated epicure was inclined to -postpone until another occasion,--he would have hailed this hansom -twenty minutes sooner and so missed his just reward. - -Mrs. Lance Gaymer suddenly came round a corner of the quiet square, and -crossed the road directly in front of Hughie's hansom. Hughie -dismounted, and greeted her. - -"Why," cried Mrs. Lance, "I do declare, it's Mr. Marrable!" - -She smiled upon Hughie in a manner so intoxicating that the cabman -coughed discreetly to the horse. That intelligent animal made no -comment, but turned round and looked at the cabman. - -"Fancy meeting you!" she continued archly. - -"Did your husband get a letter from me yesterday, Mrs. Gaymer, do you -know?" asked Hughie. - -No, Mrs. Gaymer was sure he had not. The poor boy had took to his bed a -week ago, with the "flu"; so Mrs. Lance had been conducting his -correspondence for him, and could therefore vouch for the non-arrival of -Hughie's letter. She hazarded the suggestion that possibly Hughie had -written to Maida Vale. - -Yes. Hughie had. - -"That's it, then!" said Mrs. Lance. "We moved from there six weeks ago. -We live in Balham now." - -Hughie was not sufficiently conversant with suburban caste distinctions -to feel sure whether this was a step up or down in the social scale, so -he merely expressed a hope that Lance was getting well again. - -"I want to come and see him, if I may," he said. "I asked him to come -and lunch with me, but I suppose that is out of the question at -present." - -"You're right there," said Mrs. Lance in distinctly guarded tones. "He -ain't what you'd call spry. He's not seeing anybody." - -"I shouldn't stay long," urged Hughie. - -"Is it business?" enquired Mrs. Gaymer with a touch of hostility. - -"Yes," said Hughie. - -Mrs. Gaymer surveyed him curiously. To most people she would have said -flatly and untruthfully that her husband was unfit to see any one, for -she had her own reasons for discouraging visitors to Balham just now. -But she had always cherished a weakness for Hugh Marrable. He treated -her exactly as he treated all women--with a scrupulous courtesy which, -while it slightly bored frivolous damsels of his acquaintance, was -appreciated at its true value by a lady whose social status was more -than a little equivocal. It is only when one has secret doubts about -being a real lady that one appreciates being treated as such. - -"Could you come to-morrow?" she said at last. - -"I have to get back to Manors to-night," said Hughie. "Might I come out -to Balham this afternoon? Or, better still, will you come and lunch with -me somewhere now, and we can drive out there afterwards? Or must you get -back to the invalid?" he added, with just a suspicion of hopefulness. - -Mrs. Lance, however, expressed her willingness to come and lunch, but -insisted on being allowed to precede Hughie to Balham by at least one -hour. The house was _that_ untidy! she explained. - -Accordingly Hughie, having decided in his mind upon an establishment -where he would not be likely to encounter any of his own friends, and -which would yet conform with Mrs. Gaymer's notions of what was -sufficiently "classy," conveyed his fair charge thither in a hansom; and -presently found himself engaged in that traditional _ne plus ultra_ of -dissipation--the entertainment of another man's wife to a meal in a -public restaurant. - -Mrs. Lance, after she desisted from her efforts to impress upon her host -the fact that she was quite accustomed to this sort of thing, was -amusing enough. She addressed the waiter--an inarticulate Teuton--as -"Johnny," and made a point of saying a few words to the manager when he -passed their table. She smoked a cigarette after lunch, and was good -enough to commend Hughie's taste in champagne--a brand which he had -hazily recognised in the wine-list as being the sweetest and stickiest -beverage ever distilled from gooseberries. (It was the sort of champagne -which goes well with chocolate creams: "Chorus Girls' Entire," he -remembered they used to call it.) At any rate it met with Mrs. Lance's -undivided approval, and Hughie realised for the first time that a -University education can after all be useful to one in after-life. - -Suddenly Mrs. Lance enquired:-- - -"Do you know any theatrical managers, my dear boy?" - -Yes, Hughie had come across one or two. "Why?" - -"Well," said Mrs. Lance expansively, "you've always treated me like -flesh and blood, which is more than what some of your relations have -done; so I'll tell you. After all, I've got me feelings, same as--" - -"What about the theatrical managers?" inquired Hughie tactfully. - -"Oh, yes. Do you think you could ask one of 'em to give me a shop? The -chorus would do. I was in it before," said Mrs. Gaymer candidly. - -"Why do you want to go back there?" - -"I--I've got a fancy for it--that's all," replied Mrs. Gaymer in a -thoroughly unconvincing tone. - -Hughie wondered if Lance and his wife were beginning to tire of one -another. - -"I do know one or two men," he said, "who are interested in some of the -musical-comedy syndicates. Shall I try them?" - -"Will you reelly? You'll be a duck if you do," said Mrs. Gaymer. - -After the deliverance of this unsolicited testimonial Hughie's guest -observed that she must be getting home, and Hughie, having put her into -a cab and paid the driver, retired to his club, clogged with viscous -champagne and feeling excessively unwell, to wait until it should be -time for him to follow her. - -To look at the double row of eligible residences which composed Talbot -Street, Balham, you would hardly have suspected that any of them would -support what the Inland Revenue Schedule calls a "male servant." And -yet, when Hughie rang the bell of Number Nineteen, the door was opened -by such an appanage of prosperity. He was an elderly gentleman with a -rheumy but humorous eye, and a nose which suggested the earlier stages -of elephantiasis. He wore a dress-coat of distinctly fashionable cut -(which, needless to say, did not fit him) and the regulation white shirt -and collar, the latter quite two sizes too small; but his boots and -trousers apparently belonged to a totally different class of society. - -"Name of Marrable?" he enquired, smiling benevolently upon Hughie. - -"Yes." - -"Step in. We've been expectin' of you for 'alf-an-hour. Don't wipe your -boots on that mat. It's worth one-and-eight." - -After this somewhat remarkable confidence, the Gaymers' major-domo -conducted the visitor upstairs. Here he threw open a door with truly -theatrical grandeur, and announced,-- - -"'Ere's the young toff for you, my de--" - -"Thank you, James: that will do," interposed Mrs. Lance Gaymer, with a -very fair imitation of the manner of a musical-comedy duchess. "How do -you do, Mr. Marrable?" - -She was attired in the faded glories of a tea-gown, of a material more -pretentious than durable; and in the half-light of the drawing-room--the -blinds were partially lowered--looked extremely handsome in a tawdry -way. - -She apologised for her retainer's familiarity. Mr. Marrable would -doubtless know what old servants was. Still, James must certainly be -spoke to about it. - -"You'll drink a cup of tea with me," she continued, "and then we'll pop -up and see Lance, pore boy! Ring the bell, please." - -Hughie did so, and a rather laborious quarter-of-an-hour followed. He -ploughed his way through a morass of unlikely topics, while Mrs. Lance, -who was obviously perturbed at the non-appearance of tea, replied in -_distrait_ monosyllables. Hughie was conscious about half-way through -the conversation of a faint crash in the lower regions, and wondered -dimly whether calamity had overtaken the afternoon meal. If so, he had -no doubt as to which of the domestic staff of Number Nineteen was -responsible. - -At last the door opened, and the inestimable James appeared. - -"You done it this time!" he remarked severely. "The 'andle of that -tea-pot 'as came right away in me 'and. It must have been that way this -long while. You won't get no tea now. Wot's more, that tea-pot will 'ave -to come off the invent--" - -By this time Mrs. Lance Gaymer, with dumb but frenzied signallings, was -herding her censorious hireling through the door, and his concluding -remarks were lost in the passage outside. - -Presently she returned, smiling bravely. Hughie experienced a sudden -pang of pity and admiration. Lance's wife was the right sort of girl -after all. - -"I _reelly_ must apologise--" she began. - -But Hughie interrupted her. He rose, and looked her frankly in the face. - -"Mrs. Gaymer," he said, "please don't bother about keeping up -appearances with me. I never cared a hang about them, and never shall. -Tell me, what are you doing with a bailiff in the house?" - -Mrs. Lance broke down and cried,--more from relief than anything -else,--and presently Hughie, much to his surprise, found himself sitting -beside her, patting her large but shapely hand, and uttering words of -comfort and encouragement into her ear. - - * * * * * - -Half an hour later he concluded an interview with Mr. Albert Mould, -broker's man,--late James, the butler,--in the dingy dining-room -downstairs. The latter gentleman, the more gorgeous items of his apparel -now replaced by garments of equal social standing with his boots and -trousers, was laboriously writing a receipt with Hughie's fountain-pen, -following the movements of the nib with the end of a protruding tongue. -Presently he finished. - -"There you are, sir," he said, breathing heavily upon the paper to dry -the ink. "Twenty-seven, fifteen, eight--and thank you! What beats me," -he added reflectively, "is 'ow you spotted me. What was it give me away? -Seems to me I _looked_ all right. I was wearin' the young feller's -evenin' coat and one of 'is shirts, and I thought I was lookin' a treat -all the time. Was it me trousis?" - -To avoid wounding his guest's feelings, Hughie agreed that it _was_ his -trousis. - -"It's a queer trade, this of yours," he said. - -"You got to earn a livin' some'ow," said Mr. Mould apologetically, "same -as any other yewman bean. It's not a bad job, as jobs go. They carry on -a lot, o' course, when you're first put in, and usually the wife cries; -but they soon finds out as you won't do 'em no 'arm. You makes your -inventory and settles down in the kitching, with a pint o' somethink in -your 'and an' a pipe in your face, and in less than 'alf a tick you're -one o' the family, a'most. Why, I've 'elped wash the baby afore now." - -"Don't you ever get thrown out?" asked Hughie. - -"I _'ave_ bin," replied Mr. Mould, in a tone which gently reproved the -tactlessness of the question, "but not often. After all, I only come -_in_ agin; and it's a matter of seven days for assault, p'raps, on top -o' the distraint. Most of 'em 'as the sense to remember that, so they -humours me, as it were. They speak me fair, and give me jobs to do -about the house. Still, it were a bit of a surprise when 'er ladyship -comes 'ome to-day about two o'clock and asks me would 'arf-a-crown be -any good to me, and, if so, would I mind playin' at bein' a butler for -a hour or two. I felt a fool, like, dressed up that way, but I always -was one to oblige a bit o' skirt. Been weak with women," he added -autobiographically, "from a boy. This fer me?" as Hughie opened the -street-door and sped the parting guest in a particularly acceptable -manner. "Thank you, Captain! _Good_ day!" - -He shuffled down the steps and along the street, obviously on his way to -liquidate Hughie's half-crown, and the donor of that gratuity returned -to the dining-room, where he took Mr. Mould's laboriously indited -receipt from the table. Then he went upstairs, feeling desperately sorry -for Mr. and Mrs. Lance. He had done what he could for them, in his -eminently practical fashion, and set them on their feet again; but--for -how long? Debts! Millstones! Poor things! - -On the landing above he encountered Mrs. Gaymer, wide-eyed and -incredulous. - -"Lance would like to see you now," she said. "In here!" She opened a -door. "And--and--I say," she added, half in a whisper, "surely you don't -mean to say he's been and _gawn_!" - -For answer Hughie awkwardly handed her the stamped receipt, and passed -into the bedroom. - -His interview with Lance lasted an hour and a half. Much passed between -them during that period, and by the time Hughie rose and said he must be -going, each man had entirely revised his opinion of the other. Most of -us have the right stuff concealed in us somewhere, however heavily it -may be overlaid by folly or vanity or desire to make a show. There are -few men who do not improve on acquaintance, once you get right through -the veneer. - -Poor Lance, struggling in deep waters, suddenly discovered in the dour -and undemonstrative Hughie a cheerful helper and--most precious of all -to a proud nature--an entirely uncritical confidant. Hughie on his part -discovered what he had rather doubted before, namely, that Lance was a -man. Moreover, he presently laid bare a truly human and rather sad tale -of genuine ability and secret ambition, heavily handicapped by youthful -cocksureness and want of ballast. - -They discussed many things in that dingy bedroom: Lance's past; Uncle -Jimmy's little allowance, mortgaged many years in advance; the creditors -to whom, together with the law of the land, he was indebted for the -presence beneath his roof of the versatile Mr. Mould; his future; the -journalistic work which was promised him as soon as he should be fit -again; Mrs. Lance; and also Mr. Haliburton. - -Joan's name was barely mentioned. Lance exhibited a newborn delicacy in -the matter. His officious solicitude on his sister's behalf was dead; he -knew now that no woman need ever regret having trusted Hugh Marrable; -and he was content to leave it at that. - -"Well, I must be moving," said Hughie at last. "Buck up, and get fit! -It's good to hear that there's work waiting for you when you get about -again. Grand tonic, that! So long!" - -He shook Lance's hand, and the two parted undemonstratively. Lance made -no set speech: he appreciated Hughie's desire that there should be no -returning of thanks or contrite expressions of gratitude. All he said -was:-- - -"Hughie, you are a sportsman!" - -Then he settled down on his pillow with a happy sigh. He had paid Hughie -the highest compliment it was in his power to bestow--and that costs an -Englishman an effort. - -So they parted. But Mrs. Lance did not let Hughie off so easily. As she -accompanied him downstairs to open the door for him, she suddenly seized -his hand and kissed it. Tears were running down her cheeks. - -Hughie grew red. - -"I say, Mrs. Lance," he said in clumsy expostulation, "it's all right, -you know! He'll soon be quite well again." - -"Let me cry," said Mrs. Lance comfortably. "It does me good." - -They stood together in the obscurity of the shabby little hall, and -Hughie, surveying the flamboyant but homely figure before him, wondered -what the future might hold in store for this little household. It all -depended, of course, on-- - -"Mrs. Lance," he said suddenly, "tell me--do you--love him?" - -"I do!" replied Mrs. Lance, in a voice which for the moment relegated -her patchouli and dyed eyebrows to nothingness. - -"And does he--love you?" - -"He _does_--thank God!" - -"You are both all right, then," said Hughie, nodding a wise head. -"Nothing matters much--except that!" - -"That's true," said Mrs. Gaymer. "But--I wonder how _you_ knew!" she -added curiously. - -"Good-bye!" said Hughie. - - * * * * * - -As Hughie stood in the darkening street a church clock began to chime. -He looked at his watch. - -It was six o'clock, and he had promised faithfully to be at Joey's -entertainment at eight! He had good reason for his absence, it is true, -but a reason is not always accepted as an excuse. - -"I've fairly torn it, this time!" he reflected morosely. - -He was right. - -Early next morning he arrived at the village station by the newspaper -train, and made his way on foot to Manors. A sleepy housemaid was -sweeping out the hall, which was strewn with _confetti_,--some cotillion -figures had been included in last night's festivities,--and as Hughie -made his way to his dressing-room, intent upon a bath and shave before -breakfast, he reflected not without satisfaction that, despite Joey's -prospective fulminations, he had escaped something by missing his train. - -On his dressing-table he found a note, addressed to him in Joan's -handwriting. It said:-- - - DEAR HUGHIE,--To-night at the dance Mr. Haliburton asked me to - marry him. Being a dutiful ward above all things, I have - referred him to you. He is coming to see you to-morrow - afternoon--that is, if you are back. I hope you had a good time - in town. - - J. - - - - - CHAPTER XVIII - - _EX MACHINA_ - - -Miss Joan Gaymer, pleasantly fatigued after last night's dissipation, -reclined in a canvas chair on the lawn at Manors. She had just finished -reading a letter which had arrived by the afternoon post. It was from -her brother Lance, and conveyed, probably a good deal more fully than -Hughie himself would have done, the reasons for Hughie's absence on the -previous evening. Joan's brow was puckered thoughtfully, and she -surveyed the tips of her small shoes, which were cocked at an unladylike -altitude upon a stool in front of her, with a profundity of maiden -meditation which was perhaps explained by the fact that she had received -a proposal of marriage the evening before, and was expecting the -proposer to come and second his own motion at any moment. - -To her entered suddenly Jno. Alex. Goble. - -"Yon felly!" he intimated austerely. - -"Mr. Haliburton, do you mean, John?" inquired Miss Gaymer, hastily -letting down her feet. - -"Aye. Wull I loose him in here?" - -"Yes, please. No--I mean--" - -But Cupid's messenger was gone. Presently he returned, and, with the air -of one introducing the Coroner to the foreman of the jury, announced Mr. -Haliburton. - -That ardent suitor advanced gallantly across the lawn, and taking Joan's -hand with an air of respectful rapture, endeavoured to draw its owner -into the shade of the copper beech. Joan forestalled his intentions by -saying at once,-- - -"Come along into the library, Mr. Haliburton, and we'll see what my -guardian has to say to you." - -Mr. Haliburton hinted that there was no hurry, and made a pointed -reference to Amaryllis and the shade; but his unsentimental nymph -marched him briskly across the lawn, round the corner of the house, and -in at the front door. - -They crossed the cool, dark hall, and Joan tapped at the oaken door of -the library. - -"Come in," said a voice. - -The lovers entered. - -"I have brought Mr. Haliburton to see you, Hughie," remarked Miss -Gaymer, much as one might announce the arrival of a person to inspect -the gas meter. - -Mr. Haliburton, who was not the man to show embarrassment, whether he -felt it or not, advanced easily into the room. Joan surveyed his -straight back and square shoulders as he passed her, and the corners of -her mouth twitched, ever so little. - -Then she looked at Hughie. It was her first meeting with him since his -return home that morning. He had answered her note by another, saying -that he would be in the library at five o'clock. There was no twitching -about his mouth. It was closed like a steel trap; and he stood with his -back to the wood-fire which glowed in the grate--it was getting on in -September, and cold out of the sun--with absolute stolidity. Joan saw at -a glance that, whatever the difficulties of the position, her guardian's -line of action was now staked out and his mind made up--one way or the -other. - -She dropped into an arm-chair. - -"Now, you two," she remarked encouragingly, "get to work! I want to hear -what each of you has got to say about my future. It will be quite -exciting--like going to a palmist!" - -The two men turned and regarded her in unfeigned surprise. They had not -expected this. Haliburton began swiftly to calculate whether Joan's -presence would be a help to him or not. But Hughie said at once:-- - -"You must leave us alone, Joan, please! I can't possibly allow you to -remain." - -Joan lay back in her chair and smiled up at him, frankly mutinous. She -had never yet failed, when she so desired, to "manage" a man. Hughie was -regarding her stonily; but two minutes, she calculated, would make him -sufficiently pliable. - -She was wrong. At the end of this period Hughie was still rigidly -waiting for her to leave the room. Joan, a little surprised at his -obstinacy, remarked:-- - -"If you are going to object to--to Mr. Haliburton's suggestions, Hughie, -I think I ought to hear what the objections are." - -"Before you go," said Hughie in even tones, "I will tell you one -thing--and that should be sufficient. It is this. There is not the -slightest prospect of this--this engagement coming off. My reasons for -saying so I am prepared to give to Mr. Haliburton, and if he thinks -proper he can communicate them to you afterwards. But I don't think he -will. Now will you leave us, please?" - -Joan was genuinely astonished. But she controlled herself. She was -determined to see the matter out now. All the woman in her--and she was -all woman--answered to the challenge contained in Hughie's dictatorial -attitude. Besides, she was horribly curious. - -She heaved a sad little sigh, and made certain shameless play with her -eyes which she knew stirred poor Hughie to the point of desperation, and -surveyed the result through drooping lashes with some satisfaction. -Hughie's mouth was fast shut, and he was breathing through his nose; and -Joan could see a little pulse beating in his right temple. (Both of -them, for the moment, had forgotten the ardent suitor by the window.) -She would win through in a moment now. - -But alas! she had forgotten a masculine weapon against which all the -Votes for Women in the world will avail nothing, when it comes to a -pinch. - -Hughie suddenly relaxed his attitude, and strode across to the door, -which he held open for her. - -"At _once_, please!" he said in a voice which Joan had never heard -before, though many men had. - -Without quite knowing why, Miss Gaymer rose meekly from her chair and -walked out of the room. The door closed behind her. - - * * * * * - -When Joan found herself on the lawn again she gasped a little. - -"Ooh!" she said breathlessly. "I--I feel just as if I'd been hit in the -face by a big wave! This game is not turning out quite as you expected, -Joey, my child: the man Hughie is one up! Still, I'll take it out of him -another time. But--heavens!"--She was staring, like Red Riding-Hood on a -historic occasion, at a recumbent figure in her canvas chair beneath the -copper beech--"Who on _earth_ is that in my chair? It's--it's--oh! Joey -Gaymer, you've got hysterics! It's--it's--Uncle Jimmy! _Uncle Jimmy!... -My Uncle--Jimmy!_" - -Next moment she was reposing comfortably, a distracted bundle of tears -and laughter, in the arms of Jimmy Marrable. - -"A bit sudden--eh, young lady?" enquired that gentleman at last. "I -ought to have written, I suppose. But I quite forgot you would all think -I was dead. Never mind--I'm not!" - -He blew his nose resonantly to substantiate his statement. - -Joan, satisfied at last that he was real, and greatly relieved to find -that she was not suffering from hysterical delusions arising from -Hughie's brutal treatment of her, enquired severely of the truant where -he had been for the last five years. - -Jimmy Marrable told her. It was a long story, and the shadow of the -copper beech had perceptibly lengthened by the time the narrator had -embarked at Zanzibar for the port of Leith. They had the garden to -themselves, for the Leroys were out. - -"I don't want to hear any more adventures, because I'm simply bursting -with questions," said Miss Gaymer frankly. "First of all, why did you go -away? You rushed off in such a hurry that you had no time to explain. I -was barely eighteen then." - -"It was the old failing--the Marrable wandering tendency," replied her -uncle. "I had kept it at bay quite easily for close on fifteen years, -but it came back very hard and suddenly about that time." - -"Why?" - -"Partly, I think, because the only thing that had kept me at home all -those years seemed to be slipping away from me." - -"I _wasn't_!" declared Miss Gaymer stoutly. Then she reflected. "Do you -mean--all those silly boys? Was it them?" - -"It was," said Jimmy Marrable. "They not only put my nose out of joint -but they bored me to tears." - -"You were always worth the whole lot of them put together, dear," said -Miss Gaymer affectionately. - -"I knew that," replied Jimmy Marrable modestly, "but I wasn't quite sure -if you did. I saw that for the next two or three years you would be -healthily and innocently employed in making fools of young men, and so -could well afford to do without your old wreck of an uncle. The serious -part would not come until you grew up to be of a marriageable age. So I -decided in the meanwhile to treat myself to just one last potter round -the globe, and then, in a couple of years or so, come home and assume -the onerous duties of chucker-out." - -"Then why did you stay away so long?" demanded Miss Gaymer. - -"Because I heard Hughie had come home," said Jimmy Marrable simply. - -Joan started guiltily, and her hand, which was resting in one of the old -gentleman's, relaxed its hold for a moment. Jimmy Marrable noticed -nothing, and proceeded:-- - -"I got news of him from a man in Cape Town. His name was Allerton. He -seemed a bit of a rolling stone, but had lately married the proprietress -of a little public-house, Wynberg way, and was living in great -contentment and affluence. His wife regarded his capture as the crowning -achievement of her life, and altogether they were a most devoted couple. -On hearing that my name was Marrable, he said he was sure I must be -Hughie's uncle, as Hughie had told him I was the only relation he had. -He was a gentleman, of sorts, and seemed to regard friend Hughie as a -kind of cross between Providence and the Rock of Gibraltar. They had -been through some rather tough times together--on board the Orinoco. I -expect Hughie has often told you all about that?" - -Joan shook her head. - -"No? Well, it was like him not to. However, Allerton told me for a fact -that Hughie was now home for good; so I knew then that my plans had -worked out right after all, and that I need not hurry back. My little -girl was safe." - -He sighed contentedly, and patted Joan's hand. - -"I'm a happy old fossil, Joey," he said. "I've always schemed in a -clumsy way to bring this about, and now it has happened. 'There's a -divinity that shapes our ends,' you know. And now, I suppose, you are -mistress of this old house. How long have you been married?" - -"We're not," said Joan in a very small voice. - -"Not what?" - -"Married." - -She held up a ringless hand in corroboration. Jimmy Marrable inspected -it. - -"Where's your engagement ring?" he demanded. - -Joan felt that there was a bad time coming--especially for Uncle Jimmy. - -"We--we're not engaged," she faltered. Then she continued swiftly, for -there was a look on Jimmy Marrable's brown and wrinkled face that -frightened her, and she wanted to get explanations over: "Hughie and I -didn't quite care for one another--in that way. No, I'm a liar. _I_ -didn't care for Hughie in that way." - -"He asked you, then?" - -"Yes." - -"And you--wouldn't--?" - -Joan nodded. She suddenly felt unreasonably mean and despicable. She had -declined to marry Hughie in all good faith, as she had a perfect right -to do, for the very sufficient reason that she did not like him--or his -way of putting things--well enough; and she had felt no particular -compunction at the time in dealing the blow. But none of these reasons -seemed any excuse for hurting Uncle Jimmy. - -Since then, too, her feelings towards Hughie himself had altered to an -extent which she was just beginning to realise. Of late she had found -herself taking a quite peculiar interest in Hughie's movements. Why, -she hardly knew. He paid her few attentions; he was habitually -uncompromising in what he considered the execution of his duty; and he -had made a shocking mess of her affairs. But--he was in trouble; people -were down on him; and he had been her friend ever since she could -remember. - -Now Joan Gaymer, if she was nothing else, was loyal; and loyalty in a -woman rather thrives on adversity than otherwise. And a woman's loyalty -to a man who is her friend, if you endeavour to overstrain it or drive -it into a corner, in nine cases out of ten will protect itself, -Proteus-like, by turning into something entirely different, a something -which is quite impervious to outward attack and can only be strained to -breaking-point by one person--the man himself; and not always then, as -countless undeserving husbands know. Joan's loyalty to Hughie was in -some such process of transition. She thought about him a good deal, but -she had never once faced the question of her ultimate relations with -him. The modern maiden is not given to candid analysis of her own -feelings towards members of the opposite sex,--she considers these -exercises "Early Victorian," or "sentimental," or "effeminate"; and -consequently Joan had never frankly asked herself what she really -thought about Hughie Marrable. At times, say when she heard people speak -ill of her deputy-guardian behind his back, she had been conscious that -she was hot and angry; at others, when something occurred to bring home -to her with special force the tribulations that Hughie was enduring, she -had been conscious of a large and dim determination to "make it up to -him," in some manner as yet undefined and at some time as yet -unspecified. In short, like many a daughter of Eve before her, she had -not known her own mind. She knew it now. Her heart smote her. - -Suddenly Jimmy Marrable's voice broke in with the rather unexpected but -not altogether unreasonable question:-- - -"Then if you aren't either engaged or married to Hughie, may I ask what -the deuce you are doing in his house?" - -"It isn't his house," replied Joan, recalling her wandering attention to -the rather irascible figure by her side. "He has let it to the Leroys, -and he and I are both staying here as guests just now." - -"What on earth did the boy want to let the place for? Why couldn't you -and the Leroys come and stay here as _his_ guests?" - -"I think," said Miss Gaymer delicately, "that Hughie is--rather hard -up." - -"Hard up? Stuff! He has eight hundred a year, and enough coming in from -the estate to make it pay its own way without any expense to him. How -much more does he want?" - -"I don't think Hughie is a very good business man," said Joan. - -She made the remark in sincere defence of Hughie, just as a mother might -say, "Ah, but he always _had_ a weak chest!" when her offspring comes in -last in the half-mile handicap. But Jimmy Marrable, being a man, took -the suggestion as a reproach. - -"Nonsense!" he said testily. "Hughie has as hard a head as any man I -know. What do you mean by running him down? Have you any complaint to -make of the way he has managed _your_ affairs--eh?" - -"None whatever," said Joan promptly. - -"But--bless my soul!" cried Jimmy Marrable; "I forgot! You haven't -_got_--" He paused, and appeared to be working out some abstruse problem -in his head. "Look here, Joey," he continued presently, "if you aren't -married to Hughie, what are you living on?" - -Joan stared at him in astonishment. - -"On the money you left behind for me," she said. "What else?" - -The old gentleman regarded her intently for a moment, and then said:-- - -"Of course: I forgot. I suppose Hughie pays it to you quarterly." - -"Yes--into my bank account," replied Miss Gaymer with a touch of pride. - -"How much?" - -"Is it _quite_ fair to tell?" inquired Joan, instinctively protecting -her fraudulent trustee. - -"Of course. It was my money in the first instance. Go on--how much?" - -"Four hundred a year," said Joan. "It was three hundred at first. Hughie -told me you hadn't left as much as he expected, and that I should have -to be careful. But Ursula Harbord--she is the girl I share a flat with: -she is frightfully clever about money and business--told me to ask -Hughie what interest I was getting on my capital, or something. I found -out for her--four per cent, I think it was--and she said it wasn't -_nearly_ enough. There were things called preference shares, or -something, that pay ten or twelve per cent; and Hughie must sell out at -once, and buy these instead. What's the matter?" - -Jimmy Marrable had suddenly choked. - -"Nothing! Nothing!" he said, in some confusion. "A smart girl, this -friend of yours! Takes a large size in boots and gloves, I should say, -and acts as honorary treasurer to various charitable organisations! -Twelve per cent! Aha!" He slapped himself feebly. "And what did Master -Hughie say to _that_?" - -"I could see he didn't half like it," continued Joan; "but Ursula had -declared that if I wouldn't allow her to speak to him, she would consult -some responsible person; as she was _sure_ Hughie was mismanaging things -disgracefully. So to keep her quiet I let her. I think Hughie saw there -was something in what she said, though; because he immediately agreed to -give me four hundred a year in future instead of three. _Is_ it enough, -Uncle Jimmy, or has poor Hughie really made a mess of things, as people -say? _Say_ it's enough, Uncle Jimmy! I _know_ he did his best, and I'd -rather go without--" - -"Enough?" - -Jimmy Marrable turned and scrutinised his ward closely, as if appraising -her exact value. Certainly she was very lovely. He whistled softly, and -nodded his head in an enigmatical manner. - -"I'd have done it myself," he murmured darkly. "Enough?" he repeated -aloud. "My little girl, do you know how much capital an income of four -hundred a year represents?" - -Joan shook her head. Her experience of finance was limited to signing a -cheque in the proper corner. - -"Well, about ten thousand pounds." - -"Hoo!" said Miss Gaymer, pleasantly fluttered. "Have I got all that?" - -"No." - -"Oh! How much, then?" - -Jimmy Marrable told her. - - - - - CHAPTER XIX - - IN WHICH LOVE FLIES OUT OF THE WINDOW - - -Hughie closed the door on Joan, and breathed a gentle sigh of relief. He -was spoiling for a fight, and he had just got his hands free, so to -speak. Brief but perfect satisfaction lay before him. - -He resumed his position in front of the fire. Mr. Haliburton sat on an -oak table and swung his legs. - -"Now, Marrable--" began the latter briskly. - -Hughie interrupted him. - -"Mr. Haliburton," he said, "you heard my intimation to Miss Gaymer just -now?" - -"I did," said Mr. Haliburton. - -"Well, I should like to repeat it to you. The marriage which has been -arranged--by you--will not take place. That's all." - -"That," replied Mr. Haliburton easily, "is a matter for Joan and -myself--" - -"We will refer to my ward as Miss Gaymer for the rest of this -interview," said Hughie stiffly. - -"Certainly. To resume. You see, Marrable, although you were appointed -Miss Gaymer's guardian by the eccentric old gentleman who bears the same -name as yourself, your authority does not last for ever. I understand -that the lady will shortly become her own mistress." - -"She will." - -"In which case she will have the control of her own property." - -"That is so." - -"Well,"--Mr. Haliburton paused, and flicked the ash off his -cigarette,--"don't you think that this display of authority on your -part, considering that it is subject to a time-limit, is rather -ridiculous?" - -"I have only one observation to make on that point," said Hughie coolly, -"and that is, that I have made no display of authority of any kind." - -"My dear sir," said Mr. Haliburton, raising his histrionic eyebrows, -"aren't you forbidding the banns?" - -"I have never forbidden anything. I have merely stated that the match -will not come off." - -"Don't let us quibble, man!" said Haliburton impatiently. He got off the -table. "Look here, Marrable, there is no need for you and me to be -mealy-mouthed in this matter. Let's be frank. You want this girl: so do -I. She can't marry both of us, so she must pick one. She has picked me: -I have her word for it. She says she cares for me more than any man in -the world, and would tramp the roads with me. And I with her! Why, -man--" - -As he uttered these noble words Mr. Haliburton struck an attitude -which many young women in the front row of the pit would have -considered highly dramatic, but which merely struck the prejudiced and -unsympathetic male before him as theatrical in the extreme. - -"Drop it!" said Hughie. "You make me quite sick." - -He spoke the truth. He did not know whether Haliburton's rhapsody rested -on any assured foundation or not. But in any case Joan's fresh and -innocent youth was a very sacred thing, and even the suggestion that she -could have anything in common with this glorified super made him feel -physically unwell. - -Mr. Haliburton broke off, and smiled. - -"Marrable," he said, almost genially, "we understand each other! I see -you want plain English. I said just now that we were both fond of the -girl. So we are. But I fancy we are both a bit fonder of her little bit -of stuff--eh? Now, you have been handling the dibs for a matter of -eighteen months, I understand. You have feathered your nest pretty -comfortably, from all I hear. Don't be a dog in the manger! Let your -friends into a good thing too!" - -The mask was off with a vengeance. Hughie swallowed something and -thanked God that, if his wanderings among mankind had taught him nothing -else, they had taught him to hold himself in till the time came. He -said:-- - -"Haliburton, I have told you several times that I do not forbid this -engagement; because, as you have very acutely pointed out, my _veto_ -does not last for ever; but the match is not coming off, for all that. -Before you go I will explain what I mean. I don't want to, because the -consequences may be serious, both for Miss Gaymer and myself; but it -will show you how absolutely determined I am to make a clean sweep of -you. - -"I should like to say in the first place that I should never have stood -between Miss Gaymer and _any_ man, so long as I honestly thought he -could make her happy--not even a man whom I personally would regard as -an ass or an outsider. But there are limits to everything, and you -strike me as being the limit in this case. I have been making inquiries -about you, and I now know your antecedents fairly well. You apparently -are an actor of sorts, though all the actors of my acquaintance look -distinctly unwell when your name is mentioned. However, whatever you -are, I should be sorry to see any woman in whom I take an interest -compelled to spend even half an hour in your company. In fact, if you -had not originally come down here as a friend of Lance Gaymer's,--over -whom, by the way, I find you once had some hold,--I should have asked -Captain Leroy's permission to kick you out of the place some time ago!" - -Mr. Haliburton looked a little uncomfortable. He held a good hand, but -Hughie was obviously not bluffing. He had an uneasy feeling that there -must be an unsuspected card out somewhere. - -"To come to the main point," continued Hughie, "I want this engagement -to be declared off by _you_, not by me. What is your price?" - -Mr. Haliburton breathed again. Bribery? Was that all? He replied -briskly:-- - -"How much have you got?" - -"Is a thousand pounds any use?" asked Hughie. - -"Twenty might be," replied the lover. - -"My limit," said Hughie, who was not a man to haggle about what Mr. -Mantalini once described as "demnition coppers," "is five thousand -pounds." - -"Talk sense!" said Mr. Haliburton briefly. - -"The offer," continued Hughie steadily, "is open for five minutes. If -you accept it I will write you a cheque now, and you will sit down and -write a letter formally breaking off, on your own initiative, any -engagement or understanding you may have entered into with Miss Gaymer, -and undertaking never to come near her again; and I will see she gets -it. If not--well, you'll be sorry, for you'll never make such a good -bargain by any other means." - -Haliburton eyed him curiously. - -"Is this your own money you are offering me?" he said. - -"It is," said Hughie, looking at his watch. "Three minutes left." - -"Won't it make rather a hole in your capital account?" - -"It will. In fact, hole won't be the word for it! But it will be worth -it." - -Intelligence dawned upon Mr. Haliburton. - -"I see," he said slowly. "You expect to recoup yourself later, -when--when the marriage settlements are drawn up, eh? Or perhaps," he -added sarcastically, "eighteen months of careful trusteeship have put -you in a position to afford this extravagance!" - -Hughie was surprised at his own self-control. Only the little pulse -which Joan had noticed beat assiduously in his right temple. - -"Fifteen seconds!" he said. "Do you take this offer, Mr. Haliburton?" - -"No." - -"Right!" Hughie put his watch back into his pocket and regarded the -misguided blackmailer before him rather in the manner of a benevolent -policeman standing over a small boy with a cigarette. - -"Your last few remarks," he said, "have been so offensive that I know -you would not have had the pluck to make them unless you thought you had -me absolutely under your thumb. But I may as well proceed to my final -move, and terminate this interview. I am very averse to taking this -particular step, because its results may be awkward, as I said, for Miss -Gaymer. That is why I offered you practically all the available money I -have to call the deal off. But I see I can't help myself. Now, -Haliburton,--by the way, I forgot to mention that your real name is -Spratt: you seem to have become a big fish since you took to -fortune-hunting,--I am going to make you break off your engagement. I am -going to pay you a high compliment. I am going to give you a piece of -information, known only to myself and Miss Gaymer's banker, for which -you will ultimately be very grateful, and the knowledge of which will -cause you, when you get outside (which will be very soon now), to kick -yourself for a blamed fool because you did not accept my first offer." - -Mr. Haliburton-Spratt shuffled his feet a trifle uneasily, and Hughie -continued:-- - -"You seem to be suffering from an aggravated attack of the prevailing -impression that Miss Gaymer is an heiress. Her fortune has been -variously estimated by tea-table experts at anything from forty to a -hundred thousand pounds. I will now tell you what it really is. Get off -the table: I want to open that dispatch-box." - -Mr. Haliburton, conscious of a slight sinking sensation just below the -second button of his waistcoat, moved as requested, and Hughie took out -of the box a bank-book and a bulky letter. - -"When I came home from abroad," he said, "I found this letter awaiting -me. It is from my uncle. The following passage will interest you: '... I -have realised practically all my personal estate, and have placed the -cash to your credit on Joey's behalf'--Joey is the name," he explained -punctiliously, "by which Miss Gaymer is known to her intimate -friends--'at the Law Courts Branch of the Home Counties Bank.... The -rest of my property is set down and duly disposed of in my will, and -cannot be touched until my death is authenticated.'" - -"I hope there was a respectable sum in the bank," said Mr. Haliburton, -his spirits rising again. - -Hughie opened the pass-book. - -"When I went to the bank in question," he said, "and asked to be allowed -to see the amount of my balance, I was handed this pass-book. From it -you will gather the exact value of Miss Gaymer's fortune at the moment -when I took over the management of her affairs." - -He handed the book to Mr. Haliburton. That devout lover glanced eagerly -at the sum indicated on the balance-line--and turned a delicate green. - -"You see?" said Hughie calmly, taking the book back. "One hundred pounds -sterling! A poor exchange for five thousand, Mr. Haliburton!" - -"Where is the money?" said Haliburton thickly. - -"That I can't tell you. But you will see by the book and this duly -endorsed cheque,"--he picked a pink slip out of the dispatch-box,--"that -the sum of thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred pounds--the amount he had -put in a few days before, less one hundred--was drawn out of the bank, -in a lump, by my uncle himself the day before he sailed. Why he did it, -I can't imagine. He must have changed his plans suddenly. All I know is -that he has put me in a very tight place as a trustee, and you in a much -tighter one as a suitor, Mr. Haliburton!" - -He took the cheque from the hands of the demoralized Haliburton, and -closed the dispatch-box. - -There was a long silence. At length Hughie said:-- - -"I presume I may take it that you now desire to withdraw from this -engagement?" - -"You may!" said Mr. Haliburton emphatically. He was too deeply chagrined -to play his part any longer. - -Hughie surveyed him critically. - -"You're a direct rascal, Spratt," he said; "you are no more hypocritical -than you need be. But you're a rascal for all that. Well, I won't keep -you. Good afternoon!" - -But Mr. Haliburton's quick-moving brain had been taking in the altered -situation, with its strong and weak points so far as he himself was -concerned. He had not lived by his wits twenty years for nothing. - -"I suppose," he observed, reseating himself on the corner of the -writing-table, "it would be indiscreet to inquire from what source the -young lady, with a capital of one hundred pounds sterling, is at present -deriving an income of apparently three or four hundred a year?" - -"Not only indiscreet, but positively unhealthy," said Hughie, turning a -dusky red. His fingers were curling and uncurling. - -Mr. Haliburton directed upon him what can only be described as a -depredatory eye. - -"Don't you think, Mr. Marrable," he said, "that it would be a good thing -to--_square_ me? I could do with that five thousand. This is a -censorious world, you know; and scandalous little yarns are apt to get -about when a young lady accepts--_Hrrrumph!_" - -It was the last straw. Hughie's iron restraint snapped at last. Both his -and Mr. Haliburton's impressions of the next few moments were distinctly -blurred, but at the end of that period Hughie, breathing heavily and -feeling as if he had just won a valuable prize in a consolation race, -found himself facing Jimmy Marrable, who had entered the door just as -Love (as represented by Mr. Haliburton) flew out of the window. - -"Hallo, Hughie!" - -"Hallo, Uncle Jimmy! Half a mo'!" - -Mr. Haliburton, seated dizzily in a rose-bed in the garden, heard -Hughie's step returning to the French window above his head. A -walking-stick suddenly speared itself in the soil beside him, and a pair -of gloves and a Homburg hat pattered delicately down upon his upturned -countenance; while Hughie's voice intimated that there was a swift and -well-cushioned train back to town at six-twenty. - -Then, closing the window and leaving Mr. Haliburton to extract himself -tenderly from his bed of roses, cursing feebly the while and ruminating -bitterly upon the unreliability of proverbial expressions, Hughie turned -to the room again. It had just occurred to him that in the heat of the -moment he had been a trifle cavalier in his reception of a relative whom -he had not seen for ten years, and who he imagined had been dead for -four. - -Half an hour later Jimmy Marrable enquired:-- - -"Would it be too much to ask whom you were throwing out of the window -when I came in?" - -"Friend of Joey's," said Hughie briefly. "And now, Uncle Jimmy," he -added, with clouding brow,--the joy of battle was overpast, and the -horizon was dark with the wings of all kinds of chickens coming home to -roost,--"I should like to inform you that you and your financial methods -have put me in a devil of a hole. I want an explanation." - -"Right. Fire away!" - -"Well, when I took on the job bequeathed to me by you of administering -Joan's affairs, I discovered that instead of being an heiress, the -child was practically penniless. For some idiotic reason best known to -yourself, you no sooner put money into the bank for her than you -dragged it all out again. Consequently I discovered that I was booked -to manage the affairs of a girl whom everybody thought to be the -possessor of pots of money, but whose entire capital"--he picked up the -pass-book--"amounted in reality to one hundred pounds sterling." - -"Correct!" said Jimmy Marrable. "Proceed!" - -"If," continued Hughie in an even and businesslike tone, "Joan had been -prepared to marry me, the money wouldn't have mattered, as she could -have had mine. Unfortunately that event did not occur." - -"Did she know she hadn't any money when you asked her to marry you?" -enquired Jimmy Marrable. - -"No." - -"And did she go on refusing you after you had informed her she was a -pauper?" - -Hughie had seen this question coming from afar. He turned a delicate -carmine. His uncle surveyed him, and nodded comprehendingly. - -"Quite so!" he said. "Quite so! You never told her." - -"No," said Hughie, "I hadn't the heart. It seemed like--like trying to -coerce her into marrying me. No, I just let her imagine that she had a -tidy little fortune invested, and that she could live on the -interest--three hundred a year. I--I found that sum for her, and she -took it all right. After all, she was a woman, and women will swallow -almost anything you tell them about money matters. If they jib at -all, all you have to do is to surround yourself with a cloud of -technicalities, and they cave in at once. I think Joey was a _little_ -surprised at not getting more, for she had thought herself a bit of an -heiress; but she never said a word. In fact, she was so kind about it -that I saw she was convinced I had made a mess of things somewhere, and -must be protected accordingly. She put it all down to my usual -incompetence, I suppose,--as far as I can see, she considers me a born -fool,--and accepted the situation loyally." - -"She would do that," said Jimmy Marrable. - -"Well," continued Hughie, "Joan was all right, but everybody else was -the devil. An awful girl friend of hers, called Harbord--" - -"I know--twelve per cent!" gurgled Jimmy Marrable. - -"Yes. Well, she came and gave me beans to begin with. Then young Lance -began to suspect me,--he never could stand me at any price,--and he came -and raised Cain one day at a luncheon party I was giving--but, by the -way, that's all right now; Lance has come round completely. Even the -Leroys couldn't conceal their conviction that I had made a bungle -somewhere--an honest bungle, of course, but a bungle. And finally an -unutterable sweep called Haliburton came along. I knew something of -him--so much, in fact, that it never occurred to me that there was -anything to fear from him. But he got the master-grip on me when every -one else had failed. Joey--our Joey--fell in love with him and promised -to marry him!" - -"I have heard nothing of this. What sort of fellow is he?" enquired -Jimmy Marrable. - -"Much the same type, I should say, as the late lamented Gaymer, senior." - -"Are you sure--about her falling in love?" continued Jimmy Marrable, in -a puzzled voice. - -"Looks like it," said Hughie. "I was away yesterday, and got back early -this morning. I found a note from Joey on my dressing-table, saying that -Haliburton had proposed to her, and that she was sending him along to me -to ask for my consent. She wouldn't have gone as far as that if she -didn't--if she didn't"--His voice shook. "It was a pill for me, Uncle -Jimmy!" - -"What did you do?" said Jimmy Marrable. - -"I did this. I knew quite well that if Joey--loved him"--the words came -from between his clenched teeth--"she would stick to him, blackguard or -not. She's that sort." - -"She is. Well?" - -"I came to the conclusion that if there was to be a rupture of the -engagement it must come from him." - -"You made him break it off?" - -"Yes." - -"How? By throwing him out of the window?" - -"No. That would have been no good if he was really after her money. I -simply told him the truth--the whole truth--about her bank balance, and -so on. That did it. He backed out all right." - -Jimmy Marrable rubbed his hands. - -"And then?" - -"And then ideas began to occur to him--" - -"Exactly. He began to ask questions--to make innuendoes--" - -"Yes. I then threw him out of the window. It was some consolation. That -is the story." - -Hughie turned away, and gazed dejectedly into the fender. Presently -Jimmy Marrable remarked:-- - -"And meanwhile the fat is in the fire?" - -"It is," said Hughie bitterly. "Uncle Jimmy, what _will_ she think? -Everything is bound to come out now,--that fellow will run about telling -everybody,--and when she hears of the cruel position I've placed her in -she'll never speak to me again. We shan't even be ordinary good friends -now. Poor little girl! I've done her the worst turn a man can do a -woman; and I would have _died_ for her--cheerfully!" - -Hughie leaned against the tall mantelpiece and dropped his head upon his -arms. "Joey! Joey!" he murmured to himself, very softly. - -Jimmy Marrable retired to a remote corner of the room, where he spent -some time selecting a cigar from Jack Leroy's private locker. Presently -he returned. Observing that his nephew was apparently not quite ready to -resume the conversation, he spent some time in lighting the cigar, -bridging over the silence with a rumbling soliloquy. - -"It is a blessing to be back on dry land again," he observed, "where -cigars will keep in decent condition. No more green weeds for me! What I -like is a good crisp Havana that splits open if you squeeze the end, -instead of--" - -Hughie once more stood erect on the hearthrug. The fit had passed. - -Jimmy Marrable eyed him curiously. - -"Hughie, boy," he said, "it was a mad, mad scheme. Why did you do it?" - -Hughie turned upon him, and blazed out suddenly. - -"Why?" he cried. "Because there was nothing else to do! Do you think I -would let our Joey--no, damn it! _my_ Joey--go out as a governess or a -chorus-girl--yes, she actually suggested _that_!--when I could keep her -happy and comfortable by telling one little white lie? It may have been -a mad thing to do; but it was a choice of evils, and I'd do it again! So -stuff that up your cigar and smoke it!" - -"Silly young owl!" remarked Jimmy Marrable. He lit his cigar with -fastidious care, and continued:-- - -"I suppose you want an explanation from _me_ now?" - -"Yes." - -"Well, the withdrawal of that money was an eleventh-hour notion. It -suddenly occurred to me that you, with your imbecile ideas about honour -and filthy lucre, and so forth, might feel squeamish about making love -to a girl with a fat bank balance. So just before I sailed I drew the -money out, imagining that by so doing I should be removing the only -obstacle to a happy union between you and Joey. The entire affair was -intended to be a walk-over for you. Between us, we seem to have made a -bonny mess of things. Hughie, we Marrables are not cut out for feminine -fancywork." - -"What is to be done now?" said Hughie gloomily. - -"I have thought of that," said Jimmy Marrable. "When a man gets in a -hopeless tangle of any kind, his best plan is to ask a woman to help him -out. That is what we shall have to do. Wait here a few minutes." - -He turned towards the door. - -"Mildred Leroy won't be in for half an hour yet," called Hughie after -him, "so it's no good looking for her." - -"All right!" replied Jimmy Marrable's voice far up the stairs. - - - - - CHAPTER XX - - SINFUL WASTE OF A PENNY STAMP - - -Ten minutes passed. Hughie, leaning heavily against the frame of the -French window, gazed listlessly out at a squirrel which was inviting him -to a game of hide-and-seek from the far side of a tree-trunk. - -"One thing," he mused,--"I shall be able to go abroad again now. No more -of this--" - -There was the faintest perceptible rustle behind him. Joan must have -come in very quietly, for the door was shut and she was sitting on the -corner of the writing-table,--exactly where the recently-departed -Haliburton had been posing,--swinging her feet and surveying her late -guardian's back. In her hand she held a pink slip of paper. - -Hughie never forgot the picture that she presented at that moment. She -was dressed in white--something workmanlike and unencumbering--with a -silver filigree belt around her waist. She wore a battered Panama -hat--the sort of headgear affected by "coons" of the music-hall -persuasion--with a wisp of pale blue silk twisted round it. The evening -sun, streaming through the most westerly of the windows, glinted on her -hair, her belt, and the silver buckles on her shoes. Hughie caught his -breath. - -Joan spoke first. - -"Here's something for you, Hughie," she said. - -Hughie took the proffered slip of paper. It was a cheque, made out to -himself and signed by Jimmy Marrable. - -"I think that covers all the expense to which you have been put on my -account while Uncle Jimmy has been away," said Joan. Her voice sounded -gruff and businesslike. - -Hughie examined the cheque. "Yes," he said, "it does." - -"It was very good of you," said Joan formally, "to advance me so much -money. I had no idea you were doing it. Apparently you might never have -got it back again." - -Hughie gazed at her curiously. He began to grasp the situation. He was -to be whitewashed: the compromising past was to be decently buried, and -"Temporary Loan" was to be its epitaph. - -"Never mind that," he said awkwardly. "All in the day's work, you know! -Afraid I was a rotten trustee." - -Suddenly Joan's demeanour changed. - -"And now, my man," she said briskly, "will you be good enough to explain -what you mean by compromising a lady in this way?" - -Hughie looked at her for a moment in dismay. Then he saw that her eyes -were twinkling, and he heaved a sudden sigh of incredulous relief. He -was forgiven! - -"Joey!" he said,--"Joey, you mean to say you're not angry?" - -"Furious!" replied Miss Gaymer, smiling in her old friendly fashion. - -"Thank God!" said Hughie. - -Miss Gaymer changed the subject, rather hurriedly. - -"There's something else I want to ask you," she said. "Will you kindly -inform me what has become of my--ahem!--young man?" - -"Who?" said Hughie. "Oh, _that_ chap? He is gone." - -"Gone? Where?" - -"London, I should think." - -"Why?" - -"In the first place, because I told him about your--I mean--I wouldn't -advise you to ask me, Joey. You see--I should hate--" - -"You would hate," said Miss Gaymer, coming to his rescue, "to say 'I -told you so!' I know, Hughie. It's like you, and I love you for it." - -Hughie winced. These colloquial terms of endearment are sometimes rather -tantalising. Still, he must not mind that. The girl, too, had had her -disappointment, and was bearing herself bravely. At least-- - -"Joey," he said suddenly, "did you _really_ care for that bloke?" - -The lady on the table stiffened suddenly. - -"What--that poisonous bounder?" She rolled up her eyes. "My che-ild!" - -"But you let him make love to you." - -"_Did_ I? I suppose you were there," observed Miss Gaymer witheringly, -"disguised as a Chinese lantern!" - -"Well, what _did_ you do, then?" - -"He asked me to be his blushing bride," said the unfeeling Miss Gaymer, -"and tried to grab my hand. I squinted down my nose, and looked very -prim and sweet, and thought we had better be getting back to the -ballroom, and he could talk to Mr. Marrable in the morning. If that's -your idea of allowing people to make _love_, dear friend--" - -"But you--you--promised to marry him!" said poor Hughie. - -Joan stared at him. - -"Do you mean to tell me, Hughie," she said slowly, "that he told you -_that_?" - -"Yes--with one or two corroborative details. That was why I had to tell -him--everything, you know. It was the only way, I thought, to choke him -off." - -"O--o--oh!" Miss Gaymer wriggled indignantly. "The creature! And when he -heard I had no money, he cried off?" - -Hughie bowed his head. Joan gave a low gurgling laugh. - -"There's no getting over it, Hughie!" she said. "He scored. A nasty slap -for little me! But I deserved it, for trying to trifle with his young -affections. Well, you have given me one reason for his departure. What -was the other?" - -Hughie eyed her in some embarrassment. Then he said,-- - -"He began to talk about you, Joey, in a way I didn't like, so I--" - -His eye slid round towards the window, and then downward in the -direction of his right foot. A smile crept over his troubled face, and -he glanced at Joan. - -"Oh, Hughie, _did_ you?" she exclaimed rapturously. - -"Yes. He landed in that rose-bed. Look!" - -Joey shuffled off the table and joined him by the window. A few feet -below them, on the rose-bed, lay the unmistakable traces of the impact -of a body falling from rest with an acceleration due to something more -than the force of gravity. - -Joan cooed softly, evidently well pleased. Hughie turned and regarded -her with a puzzled expression. No man ever yet fathomed the workings of -the feminine mind, but he never quite gives up trying to do so. - -"Are you glad that he got thrown out?" he asked. - -Joan pondered. - -"It's not exactly that," she said. "I'm not glad he was thrown out: it -must have hurt him, poor dear! But I'm glad you threw him out, if you -understand the difference." - -Hughie was not at all sure that he did, but he nodded his head in a -comprehending manner. Then he continued:-- - -"Tell me, Joey, if you didn't care for him, why did you send him to me, -instead of giving him the knock direct?" - -Joey surveyed her retired "warder" with eyes half-closed. - -"Well," she said reflectively, "there were heaps of reasons, but you are -a man and wouldn't understand any of them. But, roughly speaking, it was -because I wanted to see how you would handle him. I knew you wouldn't -let him marry me, of course, but I wanted to see how you would play your -cards. (You simply don't _know_ how fascinating these things are to -watch.) Besides, I thought it would be good for him to come face to face -with--a _man_," she added, almost below her breath. - -"I only got the best of him," said Hughie humbly, "by laying all my -cards on the table. There's not much _finesse_ required for a game like -that." - -"Still, you won," said Joan. - -Hughie sighed. - -"Haliburton lost, if you like," he said; "I don't quite see what _I_--" - -"No--you _won_!" said a very small but very insistent voice by his side. - -Hughie turned sharply. Miss Gaymer was breathing expansively upon the -glass of the window, and assiduously scribbling a pattern thereon with -her finger--an infantile and unladylike habit of which her nurse thought -she had cured her at the age of eight. Also, her cheeks were aglow, and -that with a richness of colouring which sufficed to convey some -glimmerings of intelligence even into the brain of the obtuse young man -beside her. Hughie suddenly felt something inside his head begin -to buzz. His gigantic right hand (which still contained Jimmy -Marrable's cheque tucked in between two fingers) closed cautiously but -comprehensively upon Joan's left, which was resting on the window-frame, -much as a youthful entomologist's net descends upon an unwary butterfly. - -"Joey," he said unsteadily,--"Joey, what do you mean?" - -Miss Gaymer sighed, in the resigned but persevering fashion of a patient -Sunday-school teacher. Then she slipped her hand from under Hughie's, -extracting as she did so the folded cheque from between his fingers. -Hughie watched her dumbly. - -Joan unfolded the cheque, and perused it in a valedictory sort of -manner. Then she kissed it softly. Then she tore it up very slowly into -small pieces. - -She sighed again pensively, and said:-- - -"There goes my ransom! It's a wicked waste--of a cheque-stamp! Now," she -added cheerfully, "I am compromised worse than ever. Hughie, dear, I -_really_ think, after this, that you'll have to--Ough! Hughie! -_Hughie!_" - -For blind, groping Hughie's eyes were open at last. With an exultant -whole-hearted roar he initiated a sudden enveloping movement; and then, -turning away from the fierce light that beats upon actions performed at -a window, strode majestically (if rather top-heavily) towards a great -leather sofa in a secluded corner beyond the fireplace. The scandalised -Miss Gaymer, owing to circumstances over which she had no control, -accompanied him. - - - - - * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber's note: - -Throughout the document the oe ligature was replaced with "oe". - -Throughout the dialogues there were words used to mimic accents of the -speakers. Those words were retained as-is. - -On page 27, a quotation mark was added after "And are you going down for -good next week?". - -On page 121, the period after "after gulping the water" was replaced -with a comma. - -On page 151, "it may he" was replaced with "it may be". - -On page 172, the "care of" symbol was replaced with "c/o". - -On page 252, the closing parenthesis was moved from the end of "smiling -disarmingly." to the end of "you see". - -On page 256, the "He" in "He appeared to be choosing" was changed to -"He". - -On page 270, "Mr Gaymer" was replaced with "Mr. Gaymer". - -On page 315, "sitsing" was replaced with "sitting". - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S MAN*** - - -******* This file should be named 41574-8.txt or 41574-8.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/1/5/7/41574 - - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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