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diff --git a/41125-0.txt b/41125-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6256e6b --- /dev/null +++ b/41125-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,558 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41125 *** + + MR. JACOBS + + + A TALE + + OF + + THE DRUMMER THE REPORTER + + AND THE PRESTIDIGITATEUR + + + + SEVENTH EDITION + + + + + BOSTON + + W. B. CLARKE & CARRUTH + + 1883 + + * * * * * + + + + +MR. JACOBS. + +CHAPTER I. + + +In spite of Jean-Jacques and his school, men are not everywhere, +especially in countries where excessive liberty or excessive tiffin +favors the growth of that class of adventurers most usually designated +as drummers, or by a still more potent servility, the ruthless +predatory instinct of certain bold and unscrupulous persons may and +almost certainly will; and in those more numerous and certainly more +happy countries where the travelling show is discouraged, the +unwearying flatterer, patient under abstemious high-feeding, will +assuredly become a roving sleight-of-hand man. + +Without doubt the Eastern portion of the world, when an hereditary, +or, at least, a traditional, if not customary, or, perhaps, +conservative, not to say legendary, or, more correctly speaking, +historic, despotism has never ceased to ingrain the blood of Russia, +Chinese, Ottoman, Persia, India, British, or Nantasket, in a perfect +instance of a ruthless military tiffin, where neither blood nor +stratagem have been spared.[1] + +[Footnote 1: The editor was here obliged to omit a score of pages, in +which the only thing worth preserving was a carcanet of sulphur +springs.] + + * * * * * + +I was at tiffin. A man sat opposite whose servant brought him water +in a large goblet cut from a single emerald. I observed him closely. A +water-drinker is always a phenomenon to me; but a water-drinker who +did the thing so artistically, and could swallow the fluid without +wincing, was such a manifestation as I had never seen. + +I contrasted him with our neighbors at the lunch-counter, who seemed +to be vying, like the captives of Circe, to ascertain by trial who +could swallow the most free lunch, and pay for the fewest +"pegs,"--those vile concoctions of spirits, ice, and soda-water, which +have destroyed so many splendid resolutions on the part of the +Temperance Alliance,--and an impression came over me that he must be +the most innocent man on the road. + +Before I go farther let me try and describe him. His peculiarity was +that, instead of eyes, he had jewels composed of six precious stones. +There was a depth of life and vital light in them that told of the +pent-up force of a hundred, or, at least, of ninety-nine generations +of Persian magi. They blazed with the splendor of a god-like nature, +needing neither tiffin nor brandy and soda to feed their power. + +My mind was made up. I addressed him in Gaelic. To my surprise, and +somewhat to my confusion, he answered in two words of modern Hebrew. +We fell into a polyglot but refined conversation. + +"Come and smoke," he said, at length. + +Slipping into the office of the hotel, and ascertaining that there was +no danger, I followed to his room. + +"I am known as Mr. Jacobs," he said. "My lawful name is Abdallah +Hafiz-ben-butler-Jacobi." + +The apartment, I soon saw, was small,--for India at least,--and every +available space, nook, and cranny, were filled with innumerable +show-cases of Attleboro' jewelry. + +"Pretty showy?" he remarked familiarly. "I am a drummer." + +"My name is Peter Briggs," I replied. "I am a correspondent of the +_Calcutta Jackal_." + +"My star!" he said. "That is the dog-star. A sudden thought strikes +me," he added. "Let us swear an eternal friendship." + +He thereupon told me his entire history, from childhood up. It was +interesting to the last degree, as I had thought often before, when I +read it in various dime novels. + +He ceased speaking, and the waning moon rose pathetically, with a +curiously doleful look, expressive of quiet, but deep contempt. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The next morning I had tiffin. + +I speculated in regard to Mr. Jacobs. A long and eventful experience +with three-card monte men had made me extremely shy of persons who +begin an acquaintance by making confidences; and I wondered why he had +taken the trouble to make up the story of his life, to relate to an +entire stranger. Still, there was something about the man that seemed +to promise an item for the _Calcutta Jackal_, and therefore, when +Jacobs appeared, looking like the sunflower, for all his wild dress +and his knee-breeches, I felt the "little thrill of pleasure," so +aptly compared by Swinburne to the clutch of a hand in the hair. + +"Are you married?" queried Mr. Jacobs. + +"Thank heavens, no!" I replied, convulsively. "Are you?" + +"Some," returned he, gloomily. "I have three. They do not agree. Do +you think a fourth wife would calm them?" + +"A man," I observed, sententiously, "is better off with no wife at all +than with three." + +His subtle mind caught the flaw instantly. + +"Negative happiness," he murmured; "very negative. Oh, I would I could +marry all the sweet creatures!" + +Having our tiffins saddled, we rode off at a breakneck pace, and +cleverly managed to ride down the uncle of the heroine. + +"Dear uncle," casually remarked that young lady, riding up, "I hope +you are not hurt." + +"What an original remark!" exclaimed Jacobs, with rapture. "Miss +Eastinhoe is beautiful and sensible. I like her. What do you suppose +she is worth?" + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Having tiffined, we reclined upon a divan. + +"My father," said Mr. Jacobs, "had but one wife; I have already raised +him two, as I told you, and mean to go him one better." + +I smoked in silence. + +"A hint for the _Calcutta Jackal_," I thought, with satisfaction. +"Bigamy raised to the third power." + +"You are right," he said, slowly, his half-closed eyes fixed on his +feet; "yes, you are right. But why not?" + +I shook myself, drank some sherbert, and kicked off one shoe +impatiently. This reading of a gentleman's private thoughts seemed to +me an unwarrantable impertinence; but a sudden light flashed over my +obscured intellect, and, observing that he was in a trance, I felt it +would be indelicate to argue the matter. I fired my shoe at him, to +assure myself of his condition, and then held a free pass towards him. +He instantly recovered, and stretched out his hand to take it. + +"I must have been dreaming," he said, a look of annoyance shading his +features as I drew the pass away. "But I am in love." + +It was near midnight, and the ever-decreasing moon was dragging +herself up, as if ashamed of her waning beauty and tearful look. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +We called upon Miss Eastinhoe the following day. She was playing with +a half-tamed young tiffin, a charming little beast, with long gray fur +and bright twinkling eye, mischievous and merry as a gnome's. He was a +gift of Mr. Jacobs to the lady. He cost nothing. + +"Are you spoken for?" Miss Eastinhoe asked, her eyes opening a moment +and meeting his, but falling again instantly with a change of +color.[2] + +[Footnote 2: The editor had his doubts about this; but as it so stands +in the original MS. (p. 69), concludes that in low latitudes, eyes do +change color on slight provocation.] + +"Miss Eastinhoe," he said, quietly, "you know I am a man of muscle, +and that I have three wives." + +"Oh, I had forgotten!" she said; "I forgot about your wives." + +"Among primitive people, and persons in pinafores," I interposed, +"marriage is a social law." + +"You surprise me, Mr. Briggs," she said, with an air of childlike +simplicity. + +I felt that I had put a plug into my end of the conversation. + +"We will play polo next week," said Mr. Jacobs. "Meanwhile, let us +visit a Certain Mighty Personage." + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +"We will go at four," said Jacobs, coming into my room after tiffin. +"I said three this morning, but it is not a bad plan to keep natives +waiting." + +"Why do we go?" I inquired, languidly. + +"The Certain Mighty Personage has a prisoner whom I wish to purchase." + +"Who is it?" + +Leaning over until his mouth almost touched my ear, he whispered +quietly: + +"Number One." + +"The devil, you say!" I ejaculated, surprised out of grammar and +decorum by the startling news. + +"Are you thinking of marrying Miss Eastinhoe?" I demanded, after a +pause of some tiffins. + +"Yes," he answered, "if her settlements are satisfactory." + +Arrived at the residence of the Certain Mighty Personage, we were +received in a jemadar where a sahib charpoyed the sowans and tiffined +the maharajah. + +"I'll have you exposed in the newspapers," said Jacobs, sternly, to +the Certain Mighty Personage, "if you do not deliver into my hands, +before the dark half of the next moon, the man Number One." + +The Uncertain Mighty Personage signed a contract to that effect, with +extreme reluctance, and with many forcible remarks disrespectful to +both the ancestors and posterity of Jacobs. + +"What do you want of Number One?" I inquired, as we rode away. + +"He is the only man alive that can keep a plated watch from turning +black in this accursed climate." + +"But why did you bring me along, when you didn't need me?" + +"To frighten him with the threat of the _Calcutta Jackal_. Besides, +how else could you tell the story?" + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +We rode our tiffins back and met Miss Eastinhoe with her friends. + +"Let us go on a tiger-hunt," we all remarked, casually. + +As we drove home a voice suddenly broke on the darkness.[3] + +[Footnote 3: Another curious Oriental phenomenon, not sufficiently +explained by the author.] + +"Peace, Abdallah Hafiz," it said. + +"By the holy poker, the Jibena-inosay!" answered Jacobs, who had +recognized the broken voice. + +"I have business with thee," continued the voice; "I will be with +thee, anon." + +"It is Lamb Ral," my companion explained, as the voice faded away. +"Facetious as ever; now you have him, and then again you don't have +him. We call him the Little Joker, for short." + +"Isn't he difficult to explain?" I ventured. + +"Very," he said. "But who has ever explained how a man could keep his +family up for years with no visible means of support; or how a person +can promenade on his ear; or crawl into a hole and pull the hole in +after him. And yet you have seen those things, I have seen them, +everybody has seen them, and most of us have done them ourselves." + +Later in the evening we were visited by Lamb Ral. + +"Do not go tiger-hunting," he said. "It will take you out of the lines +of the jewellery trade." + +"Still I shall go," persisted Jacobs. + +"What a singular piece of workmanship is that ytaghan!" observed Lamb +Ral, waving one delicate hand towards the wall behind us. + +When we turned back from seeing that there was no ytaghan there, the +magician had disappeared, leaving a strong smell of lucifer matches +behind him, but taking a number of triple-plated watches. + +"Singular man," said Jacobs, musingly. "I wish I knew how he does it. +It must be profitable." + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +We had tiffin with Miss Eastinhoe. Mr. Jacobs, in evening dress, +looked surpassingly lovely. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +In the third game of polo a clumsy player struck Mr. Jacobs on the +back of his head, laying open his skull. The wounded man fell from his +saddle, but his foot caught in the stirrup, and he was dragged several +miles by the infuriated Arab pony. + +"Don't give him brandy," remarked Miss Eastinhoe, calmly. "Water will +do quite as well. It is cheaper, and, as he is insensible, he will not +know the difference." + +"Thank you," replied Jacobs, gracefully tying his head together with +a white woollen shawl. "We will start on the tiger hunt to-morrow." + +He carefully lighted a cigarette and rode home. + +"Briggs," Jacobs said, producing a mysterious trick bottle, "do as I +tell you or you are a dead man. Stuff this wax into your nose, and +bathe the back of my neck with this powerful remedy unknown to your +Western medicine. I shall then fall asleep. If I do not wake before +midnight, I shall sleep until breakfast time. You can easily arouse me +by pressing the little silver knob behind my left ear. If you cannot +remember, write it down." + +Being a newspaper man, I naturally took out an old letter upon which +to jot down his instructions. I faithfully carried out all his +directions, and it is to be remarked in passing that on removing the +wax from my nostrils, I was conscious of a strong odor of Scotch +whiskey. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +We started on our tiger-hunt. Miss Eastinhoe rode on an elephant, +about which Jacobs, who loved the saddle, circled gayly, keeping up a +fire of little compliments and pretty speeches of which he had +thoughtfully brought a tiffinful with him, but to which the lady very +fortunately soon became inured. He had also taken the precaution to +have relay's of runners bring fresh roses half-way across India every +morning for Miss Eastinhoe, whom he amused meantime by playing +beautifully on the tiffin and warbling Persian love-songs. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +Guided only by a native tiffin, upon whom he showered an astonishing +profusion of opprobrious epithets, Mr. Jacobs went forth in the dark +and stilly night, and slaughtered a huge man-eating tiger, for whose +ears Miss Eastinhoe had expressed a singular, but well-defined +longing. The beast measured twenty-four feet, and, by stretching the +story a little, I was able to say twenty-seven. + +"My dear fellow," I said, "I am sincerely glad to see you back alive." + +"Thank you, old man," he said, falling easily into English slang. "Do +you know I have a superstition that I must fulfil every wish of hers. +Besides, the skin will fetch a capital price." + +"I adore you," murmured Miss Eastinhoe. "I shall have the ears +pickled." + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +An old yogi stood near an older well. He put a stone in the bucket, +and the slave could not draw it up. Suddenly the bottom came out, and +the stout water-carrier fell headlong backwards on the grass. + +"Did you ever see anything of that kind before, Miss Eastinhoe?" I +inquired. + +"No, indeed," she replied. "I always before supposed that to fall +headlong a man must go forwards." + +"I am off to see a Certain Mighty Personage," Mr. Jacobs remarked, +stooping casually from his saddle to kiss Miss Eastinhoe on her white +gold hair, which shone so that it made the moon look, on the whole, +rather sickly, as an electric light pales the gas-jet. "If I want you, +I'll send for you. Lamb Ral has a Star Route contract and will bring +you word." + +He rode away, and I pensively smoked my tiffin. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +The afternoon mail brought me a postal-card: + +"I shall want you after all. Please ride night and day for a week. It +is a matter of life and death." + +Changing horses every five or six miles, I rode over the greater part +of Asia, subsisting on a light but elegant diet of chocolate caramels. +Then I stopped to take tiffin with a striking-looking fellow in a +dirty brown cloth _caftan_ Jacobs' face changed when I gave him a +silver box Miss Eastinhoe sent him. + +"I gave her this myself;" he said; "it is only plated." + +"Mr. Briggs," interposed Lamb Ral, with decision, "we are about to go +down into the valley. If you see any man attacking Mr. Jacobs, knock +him down. If you cannot do that, shoot him under the arm. At any rate +dispose of him. I am not Wiggins, but I predict a storm." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +After tiffin we went down into the valley to meet the emissary of a +Certain Mighty Person and Number One. The emissary advanced with a +scroll so illegible that Jacobs bent over it in despair. Taking +advantage of his absorption, the villain put his hand upon my friend's +shoulder. I sprang upon him like a bull-dog. + +Meanwhile Lamb Ral created a pleasant diversion by drawing down from +the sky a blood-curdling fog, heavier than the after-dinner speech of +an alderman, more dense than the public taste, more paralyzing than +the philosophy of the last popular novel. Dread and cottony, like a +curtain, descended the awful cloud into the uplifted arms of the +sleight-of-hand man, until I could not see an inch before my nose. +Nevertheless I was able to observe that he had stretched himself, +probably by an arrangement of crossed levers, to an incalculable +height, and I distinctly observed him wink with one eye as I kneaded +my adversary. + +As I had just snapped the arm of the emissary like a pipe-stem and the +rest had each killed somebody, the mist was opportune and our party +skulked back to camp, where we all drank a good deal of tiffin. The +result of our imbibing was that Jacobs clapped Number One on the +shoulder. + +"You're a bully good fellow," he observed, thickly. "Git!" + +Lamb Ral and Number One disappeared in a red light, with plaintive +music from the orchestra. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +We returned home. + +"Miss Eastinhoe is dead!" I said to Mr. Jacobs. + +"It is really better," remarked Lamb Ral, who chanced to be astrally +present, being also in Ireland with Number One at the same moment. +"There was absolutely no other way of concluding the story. She +wouldn't be a fourth wife; besides, she was so shadowy a personage +that nobody cared anything about her." + +"No," said Mr. Jacobs. "I had wholly forgotten that." + +"You had better go and be a nun," Lamb Ral continued, reclining upon +a tiffin. "Trade is dull, and your last trick in glass emeralds has +been discovered." + +"On the whole I think I will," replied Jacobs. "Briggs, I have given +my fortune to Miss Eastinhoe's brother, who rescued me from the +gutter. To you I give this diamond. I know you too well to trust you +with anything else. Nay," he added, seeing my inquiring look, "do not +ask its price or try it with a file until I am gone." + +"You won't come and be a nun yourself, Mr. Briggs?" Lamb Ral inquired, +with some apprehension. + +"Thanks, no," I answered, drawing my tiffin over my shoulders, "I'll +write the thing up." + +"Thank you, noble friend," Jacobs said, grasping my hand with emotion. +"You have been the instructor and the genius of my love. I go to be a +nun. Be yourself what you have made me." + +One last, loving look,--one more pressure of the reluctant fingers, +and those two went out, hand in hand, under the clear stars, and I saw +them no more. + + + + +POSTSCRIPT. + + +I afterwards ascertained that the fortune left to Mr. Eastinhoe +consisted chiefly of the three discarded wives of Mr. Jacobs. + +"I had no means of supporting them," Mr. Eastinhoe remarked, +gravely,--he was from Bombay, and Bombay men never smile,--"so I was +forced to have them served for tiffin. What will you take?" + +"A peg of tiffin," I replied, with a pensive sigh. + + +FINIS. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Jacobs, by Arlo Bates + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41125 *** diff --git a/41125-h.zip b/41125-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 5f57abb..0000000 --- a/41125-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/41125-h/41125-h.htm b/41125-h/41125-h.htm index 7fa3176..17cb56f 100644 --- a/41125-h/41125-h.htm +++ b/41125-h/41125-h.htm @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> <title> The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mr. Jacobs, by Arlo Bates @@ -87,47 +87,7 @@ font-style:normal; </style> </head> <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Jacobs, by Arlo Bates - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Mr. Jacobs - The Drummer the Reporter and the Prestidigitateur - -Author: Arlo Bates - -Release Date: October 21, 2012 [EBook #41125] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. JACOBS *** - - - - -Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, sp1nd, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41125 ***</div> <h1> MR. JACOBS</h1> @@ -687,387 +647,6 @@ forced to have them served for tiffin. What will you take?"</p> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Jacobs, by Arlo Bates - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Mr. Jacobs - The Drummer the Reporter and the Prestidigitateur - -Author: Arlo Bates - -Release Date: October 21, 2012 [EBook #41125] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. JACOBS *** - - - - -Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, sp1nd, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - MR. JACOBS - - - A TALE - - OF - - THE DRUMMER THE REPORTER - - AND THE PRESTIDIGITATEUR - - - - SEVENTH EDITION - - - - - BOSTON - - W. B. CLARKE & CARRUTH - - 1883 - - * * * * * - - - - -MR. JACOBS. - -CHAPTER I. - - -In spite of Jean-Jacques and his school, men are not everywhere, -especially in countries where excessive liberty or excessive tiffin -favors the growth of that class of adventurers most usually designated -as drummers, or by a still more potent servility, the ruthless -predatory instinct of certain bold and unscrupulous persons may and -almost certainly will; and in those more numerous and certainly more -happy countries where the travelling show is discouraged, the -unwearying flatterer, patient under abstemious high-feeding, will -assuredly become a roving sleight-of-hand man. - -Without doubt the Eastern portion of the world, when an hereditary, -or, at least, a traditional, if not customary, or, perhaps, -conservative, not to say legendary, or, more correctly speaking, -historic, despotism has never ceased to ingrain the blood of Russia, -Chinese, Ottoman, Persia, India, British, or Nantasket, in a perfect -instance of a ruthless military tiffin, where neither blood nor -stratagem have been spared.[1] - -[Footnote 1: The editor was here obliged to omit a score of pages, in -which the only thing worth preserving was a carcanet of sulphur -springs.] - - * * * * * - -I was at tiffin. A man sat opposite whose servant brought him water -in a large goblet cut from a single emerald. I observed him closely. A -water-drinker is always a phenomenon to me; but a water-drinker who -did the thing so artistically, and could swallow the fluid without -wincing, was such a manifestation as I had never seen. - -I contrasted him with our neighbors at the lunch-counter, who seemed -to be vying, like the captives of Circe, to ascertain by trial who -could swallow the most free lunch, and pay for the fewest -"pegs,"--those vile concoctions of spirits, ice, and soda-water, which -have destroyed so many splendid resolutions on the part of the -Temperance Alliance,--and an impression came over me that he must be -the most innocent man on the road. - -Before I go farther let me try and describe him. His peculiarity was -that, instead of eyes, he had jewels composed of six precious stones. -There was a depth of life and vital light in them that told of the -pent-up force of a hundred, or, at least, of ninety-nine generations -of Persian magi. They blazed with the splendor of a god-like nature, -needing neither tiffin nor brandy and soda to feed their power. - -My mind was made up. I addressed him in Gaelic. To my surprise, and -somewhat to my confusion, he answered in two words of modern Hebrew. -We fell into a polyglot but refined conversation. - -"Come and smoke," he said, at length. - -Slipping into the office of the hotel, and ascertaining that there was -no danger, I followed to his room. - -"I am known as Mr. Jacobs," he said. "My lawful name is Abdallah -Hafiz-ben-butler-Jacobi." - -The apartment, I soon saw, was small,--for India at least,--and every -available space, nook, and cranny, were filled with innumerable -show-cases of Attleboro' jewelry. - -"Pretty showy?" he remarked familiarly. "I am a drummer." - -"My name is Peter Briggs," I replied. "I am a correspondent of the -_Calcutta Jackal_." - -"My star!" he said. "That is the dog-star. A sudden thought strikes -me," he added. "Let us swear an eternal friendship." - -He thereupon told me his entire history, from childhood up. It was -interesting to the last degree, as I had thought often before, when I -read it in various dime novels. - -He ceased speaking, and the waning moon rose pathetically, with a -curiously doleful look, expressive of quiet, but deep contempt. - - - - -CHAPTER II. - - -The next morning I had tiffin. - -I speculated in regard to Mr. Jacobs. A long and eventful experience -with three-card monte men had made me extremely shy of persons who -begin an acquaintance by making confidences; and I wondered why he had -taken the trouble to make up the story of his life, to relate to an -entire stranger. Still, there was something about the man that seemed -to promise an item for the _Calcutta Jackal_, and therefore, when -Jacobs appeared, looking like the sunflower, for all his wild dress -and his knee-breeches, I felt the "little thrill of pleasure," so -aptly compared by Swinburne to the clutch of a hand in the hair. - -"Are you married?" queried Mr. Jacobs. - -"Thank heavens, no!" I replied, convulsively. "Are you?" - -"Some," returned he, gloomily. "I have three. They do not agree. Do -you think a fourth wife would calm them?" - -"A man," I observed, sententiously, "is better off with no wife at all -than with three." - -His subtle mind caught the flaw instantly. - -"Negative happiness," he murmured; "very negative. Oh, I would I could -marry all the sweet creatures!" - -Having our tiffins saddled, we rode off at a breakneck pace, and -cleverly managed to ride down the uncle of the heroine. - -"Dear uncle," casually remarked that young lady, riding up, "I hope -you are not hurt." - -"What an original remark!" exclaimed Jacobs, with rapture. "Miss -Eastinhoe is beautiful and sensible. I like her. What do you suppose -she is worth?" - - - - -CHAPTER III. - - -Having tiffined, we reclined upon a divan. - -"My father," said Mr. Jacobs, "had but one wife; I have already raised -him two, as I told you, and mean to go him one better." - -I smoked in silence. - -"A hint for the _Calcutta Jackal_," I thought, with satisfaction. -"Bigamy raised to the third power." - -"You are right," he said, slowly, his half-closed eyes fixed on his -feet; "yes, you are right. But why not?" - -I shook myself, drank some sherbert, and kicked off one shoe -impatiently. This reading of a gentleman's private thoughts seemed to -me an unwarrantable impertinence; but a sudden light flashed over my -obscured intellect, and, observing that he was in a trance, I felt it -would be indelicate to argue the matter. I fired my shoe at him, to -assure myself of his condition, and then held a free pass towards him. -He instantly recovered, and stretched out his hand to take it. - -"I must have been dreaming," he said, a look of annoyance shading his -features as I drew the pass away. "But I am in love." - -It was near midnight, and the ever-decreasing moon was dragging -herself up, as if ashamed of her waning beauty and tearful look. - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - - -We called upon Miss Eastinhoe the following day. She was playing with -a half-tamed young tiffin, a charming little beast, with long gray fur -and bright twinkling eye, mischievous and merry as a gnome's. He was a -gift of Mr. Jacobs to the lady. He cost nothing. - -"Are you spoken for?" Miss Eastinhoe asked, her eyes opening a moment -and meeting his, but falling again instantly with a change of -color.[2] - -[Footnote 2: The editor had his doubts about this; but as it so stands -in the original MS. (p. 69), concludes that in low latitudes, eyes do -change color on slight provocation.] - -"Miss Eastinhoe," he said, quietly, "you know I am a man of muscle, -and that I have three wives." - -"Oh, I had forgotten!" she said; "I forgot about your wives." - -"Among primitive people, and persons in pinafores," I interposed, -"marriage is a social law." - -"You surprise me, Mr. Briggs," she said, with an air of childlike -simplicity. - -I felt that I had put a plug into my end of the conversation. - -"We will play polo next week," said Mr. Jacobs. "Meanwhile, let us -visit a Certain Mighty Personage." - - - - -CHAPTER V. - - -"We will go at four," said Jacobs, coming into my room after tiffin. -"I said three this morning, but it is not a bad plan to keep natives -waiting." - -"Why do we go?" I inquired, languidly. - -"The Certain Mighty Personage has a prisoner whom I wish to purchase." - -"Who is it?" - -Leaning over until his mouth almost touched my ear, he whispered -quietly: - -"Number One." - -"The devil, you say!" I ejaculated, surprised out of grammar and -decorum by the startling news. - -"Are you thinking of marrying Miss Eastinhoe?" I demanded, after a -pause of some tiffins. - -"Yes," he answered, "if her settlements are satisfactory." - -Arrived at the residence of the Certain Mighty Personage, we were -received in a jemadar where a sahib charpoyed the sowans and tiffined -the maharajah. - -"I'll have you exposed in the newspapers," said Jacobs, sternly, to -the Certain Mighty Personage, "if you do not deliver into my hands, -before the dark half of the next moon, the man Number One." - -The Uncertain Mighty Personage signed a contract to that effect, with -extreme reluctance, and with many forcible remarks disrespectful to -both the ancestors and posterity of Jacobs. - -"What do you want of Number One?" I inquired, as we rode away. - -"He is the only man alive that can keep a plated watch from turning -black in this accursed climate." - -"But why did you bring me along, when you didn't need me?" - -"To frighten him with the threat of the _Calcutta Jackal_. Besides, -how else could you tell the story?" - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - - -We rode our tiffins back and met Miss Eastinhoe with her friends. - -"Let us go on a tiger-hunt," we all remarked, casually. - -As we drove home a voice suddenly broke on the darkness.[3] - -[Footnote 3: Another curious Oriental phenomenon, not sufficiently -explained by the author.] - -"Peace, Abdallah Hafiz," it said. - -"By the holy poker, the Jibena-inosay!" answered Jacobs, who had -recognized the broken voice. - -"I have business with thee," continued the voice; "I will be with -thee, anon." - -"It is Lamb Ral," my companion explained, as the voice faded away. -"Facetious as ever; now you have him, and then again you don't have -him. We call him the Little Joker, for short." - -"Isn't he difficult to explain?" I ventured. - -"Very," he said. "But who has ever explained how a man could keep his -family up for years with no visible means of support; or how a person -can promenade on his ear; or crawl into a hole and pull the hole in -after him. And yet you have seen those things, I have seen them, -everybody has seen them, and most of us have done them ourselves." - -Later in the evening we were visited by Lamb Ral. - -"Do not go tiger-hunting," he said. "It will take you out of the lines -of the jewellery trade." - -"Still I shall go," persisted Jacobs. - -"What a singular piece of workmanship is that ytaghan!" observed Lamb -Ral, waving one delicate hand towards the wall behind us. - -When we turned back from seeing that there was no ytaghan there, the -magician had disappeared, leaving a strong smell of lucifer matches -behind him, but taking a number of triple-plated watches. - -"Singular man," said Jacobs, musingly. "I wish I knew how he does it. -It must be profitable." - - - - -CHAPTER VII. - - -We had tiffin with Miss Eastinhoe. Mr. Jacobs, in evening dress, -looked surpassingly lovely. - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. - - -In the third game of polo a clumsy player struck Mr. Jacobs on the -back of his head, laying open his skull. The wounded man fell from his -saddle, but his foot caught in the stirrup, and he was dragged several -miles by the infuriated Arab pony. - -"Don't give him brandy," remarked Miss Eastinhoe, calmly. "Water will -do quite as well. It is cheaper, and, as he is insensible, he will not -know the difference." - -"Thank you," replied Jacobs, gracefully tying his head together with -a white woollen shawl. "We will start on the tiger hunt to-morrow." - -He carefully lighted a cigarette and rode home. - -"Briggs," Jacobs said, producing a mysterious trick bottle, "do as I -tell you or you are a dead man. Stuff this wax into your nose, and -bathe the back of my neck with this powerful remedy unknown to your -Western medicine. I shall then fall asleep. If I do not wake before -midnight, I shall sleep until breakfast time. You can easily arouse me -by pressing the little silver knob behind my left ear. If you cannot -remember, write it down." - -Being a newspaper man, I naturally took out an old letter upon which -to jot down his instructions. I faithfully carried out all his -directions, and it is to be remarked in passing that on removing the -wax from my nostrils, I was conscious of a strong odor of Scotch -whiskey. - - - - -CHAPTER IX. - - -We started on our tiger-hunt. Miss Eastinhoe rode on an elephant, -about which Jacobs, who loved the saddle, circled gayly, keeping up a -fire of little compliments and pretty speeches of which he had -thoughtfully brought a tiffinful with him, but to which the lady very -fortunately soon became inured. He had also taken the precaution to -have relay's of runners bring fresh roses half-way across India every -morning for Miss Eastinhoe, whom he amused meantime by playing -beautifully on the tiffin and warbling Persian love-songs. - - - - -CHAPTER X. - - -Guided only by a native tiffin, upon whom he showered an astonishing -profusion of opprobrious epithets, Mr. Jacobs went forth in the dark -and stilly night, and slaughtered a huge man-eating tiger, for whose -ears Miss Eastinhoe had expressed a singular, but well-defined -longing. The beast measured twenty-four feet, and, by stretching the -story a little, I was able to say twenty-seven. - -"My dear fellow," I said, "I am sincerely glad to see you back alive." - -"Thank you, old man," he said, falling easily into English slang. "Do -you know I have a superstition that I must fulfil every wish of hers. -Besides, the skin will fetch a capital price." - -"I adore you," murmured Miss Eastinhoe. "I shall have the ears -pickled." - - - - -CHAPTER XI. - - -An old yogi stood near an older well. He put a stone in the bucket, -and the slave could not draw it up. Suddenly the bottom came out, and -the stout water-carrier fell headlong backwards on the grass. - -"Did you ever see anything of that kind before, Miss Eastinhoe?" I -inquired. - -"No, indeed," she replied. "I always before supposed that to fall -headlong a man must go forwards." - -"I am off to see a Certain Mighty Personage," Mr. Jacobs remarked, -stooping casually from his saddle to kiss Miss Eastinhoe on her white -gold hair, which shone so that it made the moon look, on the whole, -rather sickly, as an electric light pales the gas-jet. "If I want you, -I'll send for you. Lamb Ral has a Star Route contract and will bring -you word." - -He rode away, and I pensively smoked my tiffin. - - - - -CHAPTER XII. - - -The afternoon mail brought me a postal-card: - -"I shall want you after all. Please ride night and day for a week. It -is a matter of life and death." - -Changing horses every five or six miles, I rode over the greater part -of Asia, subsisting on a light but elegant diet of chocolate caramels. -Then I stopped to take tiffin with a striking-looking fellow in a -dirty brown cloth _caftan_ Jacobs' face changed when I gave him a -silver box Miss Eastinhoe sent him. - -"I gave her this myself;" he said; "it is only plated." - -"Mr. Briggs," interposed Lamb Ral, with decision, "we are about to go -down into the valley. If you see any man attacking Mr. Jacobs, knock -him down. If you cannot do that, shoot him under the arm. At any rate -dispose of him. I am not Wiggins, but I predict a storm." - - - - -CHAPTER XIII. - - -After tiffin we went down into the valley to meet the emissary of a -Certain Mighty Person and Number One. The emissary advanced with a -scroll so illegible that Jacobs bent over it in despair. Taking -advantage of his absorption, the villain put his hand upon my friend's -shoulder. I sprang upon him like a bull-dog. - -Meanwhile Lamb Ral created a pleasant diversion by drawing down from -the sky a blood-curdling fog, heavier than the after-dinner speech of -an alderman, more dense than the public taste, more paralyzing than -the philosophy of the last popular novel. Dread and cottony, like a -curtain, descended the awful cloud into the uplifted arms of the -sleight-of-hand man, until I could not see an inch before my nose. -Nevertheless I was able to observe that he had stretched himself, -probably by an arrangement of crossed levers, to an incalculable -height, and I distinctly observed him wink with one eye as I kneaded -my adversary. - -As I had just snapped the arm of the emissary like a pipe-stem and the -rest had each killed somebody, the mist was opportune and our party -skulked back to camp, where we all drank a good deal of tiffin. The -result of our imbibing was that Jacobs clapped Number One on the -shoulder. - -"You're a bully good fellow," he observed, thickly. "Git!" - -Lamb Ral and Number One disappeared in a red light, with plaintive -music from the orchestra. - - - - -CHAPTER XIV. - - -We returned home. - -"Miss Eastinhoe is dead!" I said to Mr. Jacobs. - -"It is really better," remarked Lamb Ral, who chanced to be astrally -present, being also in Ireland with Number One at the same moment. -"There was absolutely no other way of concluding the story. She -wouldn't be a fourth wife; besides, she was so shadowy a personage -that nobody cared anything about her." - -"No," said Mr. Jacobs. "I had wholly forgotten that." - -"You had better go and be a nun," Lamb Ral continued, reclining upon -a tiffin. "Trade is dull, and your last trick in glass emeralds has -been discovered." - -"On the whole I think I will," replied Jacobs. "Briggs, I have given -my fortune to Miss Eastinhoe's brother, who rescued me from the -gutter. To you I give this diamond. I know you too well to trust you -with anything else. Nay," he added, seeing my inquiring look, "do not -ask its price or try it with a file until I am gone." - -"You won't come and be a nun yourself, Mr. Briggs?" Lamb Ral inquired, -with some apprehension. - -"Thanks, no," I answered, drawing my tiffin over my shoulders, "I'll -write the thing up." - -"Thank you, noble friend," Jacobs said, grasping my hand with emotion. -"You have been the instructor and the genius of my love. I go to be a -nun. Be yourself what you have made me." - -One last, loving look,--one more pressure of the reluctant fingers, -and those two went out, hand in hand, under the clear stars, and I saw -them no more. - - - - -POSTSCRIPT. - - -I afterwards ascertained that the fortune left to Mr. Eastinhoe -consisted chiefly of the three discarded wives of Mr. Jacobs. - -"I had no means of supporting them," Mr. Eastinhoe remarked, -gravely,--he was from Bombay, and Bombay men never smile,--"so I was -forced to have them served for tiffin. What will you take?" - -"A peg of tiffin," I replied, with a pensive sigh. - - -FINIS. - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Jacobs, by Arlo Bates - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. 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